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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/15419-h.zip b/15419-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..185b816 --- /dev/null +++ b/15419-h.zip diff --git a/15419-h/15419-h.htm b/15419-h/15419-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7fe4a2f --- /dev/null +++ b/15419-h/15419-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,2458 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of Letters To A Daughter, by Helen Ekin Starrett. + </title> + <style type="text/css"> +/*<![CDATA[ XML blockout */ +<!-- + p { margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; + } + hr { width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; + } + + table {margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;} + + body{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + + .linenum {position: absolute; top: auto; left: 4%;} /* poetry number */ + .blockquot{margin-left: 5%; margin-right: 10%;} + .pagenum {position: absolute; left: 92%; font-size: smaller; text-align: right;} /* page numbers */ + .sidenote {width: 20%; padding-bottom: .5em; padding-top: .5em; + padding-left: .5em; padding-right: .5em; margin-left: 1em; + float: right; clear: right; margin-top: 1em; + font-size: smaller; background: #eeeeee; border: dashed 1px;} + + .bb {border-bottom: solid 2px;} + .bl {border-left: solid 2px;} + .bt {border-top: solid 2px;} + .br {border-right: solid 2px;} + .bbox {border: solid 2px;} + + .center {text-align: center;} + .smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + .u {text-decoration: underline;} + + .caption {font-weight: bold;} + + .figcenter {margin: auto; text-align: center;} + + .figleft {float: left; clear: left; margin-left: 0; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: + 1em; margin-right: 1em; padding: 0; text-align: center;} + + .figright {float: right; clear: right; margin-left: 1em; margin-bottom: 1em; + margin-top: 1em; margin-right: 0; padding: 0; text-align: center;} + + .footnotes {border: dashed 1px;} + .footnote {margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-size: 0.9em;} + .footnote .label {position: absolute; right: 84%; text-align: right;} + .fnanchor {vertical-align: super; font-size: .8em; text-decoration: none;} + + .poem {margin-left:10%; margin-right:10%; text-align: left;} + .poem br {display: none;} + .poem .stanza {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;} + .poem span {display: block; margin: 0; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem span.i2 {display: block; margin-left: 2em;} + .poem span.i4 {display: block; margin-left: 4em;} + // --> + /* XML end ]]>*/ + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Letters to a Daughter and A Little Sermon +to School Girls, by Helen Ekin Starrett + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Letters to a Daughter and A Little Sermon to School Girls + +Author: Helen Ekin Starrett + +Release Date: March 20, 2005 [EBook #15419] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LETTERS TO A DAUGHTER *** + + + + +Produced by Juliet Sutherland, Melissa Er-Raqabi and the +PG Online Distributed Proofreading Team at +https://www.pgdp.net. + + + + + + +</pre> + +<hr style="width: 95%;" /> +<h1>LETTERS TO A DAUGHTER</h1> +<h3>AND</h3> +<h1>A LITTLE SERMON TO SCHOOL-GIRLS.</h1> + + +<h3>BY</h3> +<h2>HELEN EKIN STARRETT,</h2> + + +<div><br /></div> +<p class="center">Author of "The Future of Educated Women," etc.</p> +<div><br /></div> +<div><br /></div> +<div><br /></div> +<p class="center">CHICAGO:<br /> +JANSEN, McCLURG, & COMPANY.<br /> +1886. +</p> + + +<div><br /></div> +<div><br /></div> +<div><br /></div> +<p class="center">COPYRIGHT,<br /> +BY JANSEN, MCCLURG, & CO.<br /> +A.D. 1885. +</p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>CONTENTS.</h2> + + +<div class='center'> +<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" summary="Table of Contents"> +<tr><td align='left'>LETTER I.</td><td align='left'><a href="#LETTER_I">BEHAVIOR AND MANNERS</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>LETTER II.</td><td align='left'><a href="#LETTER_II">SELF-CONTROL AND SELF-CULTURE</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>LETTER III.</td><td align='left'><a href="#LETTER_III">AIMS IN LIFE</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>LETTER IV.</td><td align='left'><a href="#LETTER_IV">PERSONAL HABITS</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>LETTER V.</td><td align='left'><a href="#LETTER_V">SOCIETY—CONVERSATION</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>LETTER VI.</td><td align='left'><a href="#LETTER_VI">ASSOCIATES AND FRIENDS</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>LETTER VII.</td><td align='left'><a href="#LETTER_VII">TACT—UNOBTRUSIVENESS</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>LETTER VIII.</td><td align='left'><a href="#LETTER_VIII">WHO ARE THE CULTIVATED?</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>LETTER IX.</td><td align='left'><a href="#LETTER_IX">RELIGIOUS CULTURE AND DUTY</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'></td><td align='left'><a href="#A_LITTLE_SERMON_TO_SCHOOL_GIRLS">A LITTLE SERMON TO SCHOOL-GIRLS</a></td></tr> +</table></div> + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>LETTERS TO A DAUGHTER.</h2> + +<div><br /></div> +<div><br /></div> +<div><br /></div> + +<h2><a name="LETTER_I" id="LETTER_I" />LETTER I.</h2> + +<h2>BEHAVIOR AND MANNERS. +</h2> + +<p><i>My Dear Daughter:</i>—One of the greatest blessings I could wish for you, +as you pass out from the guardianship of home into life with its duties +and trials, is that you should possess the power of winning love and +friends. With this power, the poor girl is rich; without it, the richest +girl is poor. In the main, this power of winning friends and love +depends upon two things: behavior and manners. Between these there is an +important distinction, but one is the outgrowth of the other. The root +of good manners is good behavior. Consider with me for a little what +each implies.</p> + +<p>Behavior is a revealer of real character. It has especially to do with +the more serious duties and relations of life. Its greatest importance +is in the home. How well do I remember a visit, made in my youth, to a +school friend whom I had learned to admire greatly for her superior +intellect, quick wit, power of acquiring knowledge, and ability to +recite well in class. In her home she was rude and disrespectful and +even disobedient to her parents; cross and sarcastic with her brothers +and sisters; selfish and indolent in all matters pertaining to the work +of the household. What a disenchantment was my experience! That great +and good man, who has written so many noble precepts about the conduct +of life, Mr. Emerson, in speaking of and praising a noble citizen, says: +"Never was such force, good meaning, good sense, good action, combined +with such lovely domestic behavior, such modesty, and persistent +preference for others." This was what was lacking in my school friend: +lovely domestic behavior. Nothing could compensate for this deficiency.</p> + +<p>What was needed in this young girl in order that she might have +exhibited in her daily life a "lovely domestic behavior"? An almost +total reconstruction of character; such a cultivation of the moral sense +as would have made it a matter of conscience with her to "honor her +father and mother," to be respectful to them and desirous of pleasing +and serving them. Selfishness was the main cause of her ill-treatment of +her brothers and sisters, as it was of her indolence, and her +indifference to the performance of her share of the household duties. +Her behavior in the home was such that she repelled, rather than +attracted, affection. Her own personal preference, mood, feeling, were +constantly allowed to control her conduct; and the deep underlying +deficiency in her character was lack of a tender conscience and of a +sense of duty.</p> + +<p>Lovely domestic behavior is the natural outgrowth and expression of a +beautiful, harmonious, and lovely character In order to behave +beautifully, we must cultivate assiduously the graces of the spirit. We +must persistently strive against selfishness, ill-temper irritability, +indolence. It is impossible for the selfish or ill-tempered girl to win +love and friends. Generosity, kindness, self-denial, industry—these are +the traits which inspire love and win friends. These are the graces that +will make the humblest home beautiful and happy, and without which the +costliest mansion is a mere empty shell.</p> + +<p>One more point in regard to behavior I wish to impress upon your mind as +of very great importance, although it relates less to the home and more +to general society. I mean that of modest behavior as distinguished +from forwardness and boldness. One of the greatest charms of young +girlhood is modesty; one of the greatest blemishes in the character of +any young person, especially of any young girl or woman, is forwardness, +boldness, pertness. The young girl who acts in such a manner as to +attract attention in public; who speaks loudly, and jokes and laughs and +tells stories in order to be heard by others than her immediate +companions; who dresses conspicuously; who enjoys being the object of +remark; who expresses opinions on all subjects with forward +self-confidence, is rightly regarded by all thoughtful and cultivated +people as one of the most disagreeable and obnoxious characters to be +met with in society. Modesty is one of the loveliest of graces, and +should be constantly cultivated.</p> + +<p>And now you will see what I mean by saying that the root of good +manners is good behavior. In other words, good manners have their time +and living root in moral qualities and the Christian graces. There is a +certain surface display of manners which may be acquired and which may +deceive and pass with those who do not know us intimately; but there is +all the difference between such superficial good manners and those which +are real, that there is between the cut bouquet of flowers which +delights for an hour or two and then withers away, and the living, +growing plant which constantly delights us with fresh beauty and bloom.</p> + +<p>What are the characteristics of the agreeable and beautiful manners that +are the ornament and charm of the well-behaved girl? First we should +place gentleness, quietness, and serenity or self-possession. It has +been well said by an observing social critic, that the person who has +no manners at all has good manners. What is meant by this, and there is +a deep truth in it, is that gentle and quiet manners do not attract +attention at all. Their greatest charm is their unobtrusiveness, just as +the charm and distinguishing mark of a well-dressed person is that the +dress is not striking or obtrusive. You can infer from this how +inconsistent with good manners is heat and exaggeration in conversation. +It is a just complaint among refined and cultivated people that many, +even of the well-educated young women of the present day, talk too +loudly and vehemently; are given to exaggeration of statement and slang +expressions. The greatest blemish of the conversation and manners of the +young people of to-day is obtrusiveness and exaggeration. By +obtrusiveness I mean a style of speech and manners that attracts +attention and remark; by exaggeration I mean the too constant use of +the superlative in conversation, and a certain incongruity and +inappropriateness of expression which is very offensive to the +cultivated taste. Such expressions as "perfectly awful," "perfectly +beautiful," "too lovely for anything," "hateful," "horrible," may +constantly be heard in conversation upon trivial and unimportant +subjects in companies of young people whose educational opportunities +and social advantages would lead us to expect a very different style of +conversation. So of incongruous and inappropriate expressions. "My +grandfather and grandmother died on the same day of the year? wasn't it +funny?" said a young miss to a companion She meant that it was a strange +circumstance or coincidence. It was the wise remark of a great man that +"culture kills exaggeration." True and careful culture should also weed +out from our beautiful and expressive English language all such +incongruities and blemishes of speech as I have indicated.</p> + +<p>Referring once more to what I have said about obtrusiveness, +forwardness, or boldness, being an unpleasant characteristic of the +manners of many young people of the present day, I want to impress upon +you that much of this boldness arises from lack of deference or +reverence for parents, teachers, and older people. This lack of +deference is a great defect of character in any young person. It is +painfully noticeable in many homes where children never seem to think of +paying any respect to the presence of their parents or older people; +where they will monopolize conversation at table, interrupt their +parents and guests to ask irrelevant questions or relate irrelevant +incidents, enter a room abruptly, and, without waiting to learn whether +any one is speaking, at once begin to speak of something pertaining to +their own affairs. All this is bad behavior and bad manners. It is +morally wrong as well. God has commanded that we shall honor our father +and mother; and one beautiful precept of scripture is, "Thou shalt rise +up before the hoary head and honor the face of the old man."</p> + +<p>To sum up in the short space of one letter the more important truths I +would impress upon your mind in regard to behavior and manners, let me +say this: There are good manuals of etiquette and social form which +should be read and studied by all young people. There are, also, +constant opportunities for observation of the conduct and manners of +polite people, by which young people may and should profit and learn to +observe the outward forms of society. These are easily learned and +practiced; but the finest, best, most genuine good manners can never be +acquired except as they become the natural expression of gentleness, +kindness intelligence, respect for parents and elders, and an earnest +desire to do good to our fellow beings. Strive, my dear child, to +cherish these graces in your heart, and good behavior and good manners +will naturally follow.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="LETTER_II" id="LETTER_II" />LETTER II.</h2> + +<h2>SELF-CONTROL AND SELF-CULTURE.</h2> + + +<p><i>My Dear Daughter:</i>—One great and difficult lesson is given to each of +us to learn in this life, which must be learned if we ever hope to live +happy or useful lives. It is the lesson of self-control. Parents and +teachers and circumstances may help or hinder in the learning of this +lesson; but it depends mainly upon yourself, upon your own individual +will, whether you shall learn it or not. It is the first lesson which +wise parents and teachers strive to teach a child. It is the +fundamental, the all-important lesson of life. It extends to every +department of our nature and affects every act and-event of our lives. +Take notice with me how the possession or non-possession of the power of +self-control affects the lives of young people in a few particulars.</p> + +<p>Certain self-evident duties are imposed upon every rational being. One +of the first of these is the duty of being usefully employed a large +portion of our time. It is probable that nearly all young people have a +certain dislike for work, and self-control must come in to help them do +the work that belongs to them to do. It may help you in acquiring this +self-control to reflect often what a really great thing it is to be able +to compel yourself to do from a sense of duty what you are naturally +disinclined to do? also what an unworthy and, indeed, contemptible thing +it is not to be able to make yourself do what you know you ought to do. +You are perhaps disinclined, for instance, to rise when you should in +the morning. You feel disposed to indulge your ease and comfort, and to +lie in bed when you know you should be awake and preparing for the day. +Here is one of the very instances in which if you will learn to control +and compel yourself you will soon reap substantial reward. The more you +indulge yourself, the harder does the task of rising and getting ready +for the day become. But say to yourself, "I will waken right away," rise +and walk around a little, and you will be surprised to find how soon the +habit of prompt rising will become easy. You have your morning duties to +perform, or your lessons to learn. If you say to yourself, when it is +time you should begin, "I will not loiter, but immediately set about my +work or study," you will find in the very act and determination a help +and strength, and pleasure even, which you can never imagine before you +have experienced it. God has so made us that in the very performance of +duty, however trivial, there is a reward and strength and a very high +kind of pleasure. But we need firm self-control to compel ourselves +thus to do our duty. I shall rejoice if any words of mine lead you to +test for yourself the truth of what I have said.</p> + +<p>Self-control should extend to our speech, temper, and pleasures. To be +able to control the tongue is rightly esteemed one of the greatest of +moral achievements. You remember what the apostle James says, that "if +any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to +bridle [control] the whole body." It is so easy to say cross or unkind +words; so easy to make slighting or gossiping remarks about companions +or friends; so hard to efface the painful effects of such hasty or +ill-considered speech. It is so easy to make a petulant or disrespectful +reply to parents or teachers when they reprove; so much harder, yet so +much better, to acknowledge a fault and feel and express sorrow for +wrong-doing. Your own conscience and consciousness tell you how much +happier you feel when you have done the latter. Yet you need, over and +over again, to fortify yourself against temptation to hasty or +ill-natured or improper speech by determining beforehand that you will +not give way to the temptation; that you will control yourself. And +whenever you have allowed yourself to be overcome by such temptation you +should make it the occasion of serious reflection and earnest resolve to +be more guarded in future. You will have attained a great deal in the +direction of high and noble character when you have learned to control +your speech. It is the same in regard to controlling your temper. But +there is one truth of which I can assure you: If you will learn to be +silent and not speak at all when you feel that your temper is getting or +has gotten the better of you, you will soon get the better of your +temper. There is no such efficient discipline for a hasty temper as +determined, self-imposed silence. Then, too, there is a dignity about +silence under provocation that is impressive and effective. The greatest +disadvantage at which any person can be placed in the eyes of companions +and friends is that of losing control of one's tongue as well as of +one's temper. In nearly every case where we receive provocation or +affront, speech may be silver, but "silence is golden." The person who +keeps control of his temper controls everyone.</p> + +<p>Self-control, once acquired, will be the most important factor in +helping to shape your life rightly in every direction It will keep you +from hurtful indulgence in mere pleasure; from harmful indulgence in +rich or improper foods; from too much dissipation of time and thought in +social enjoyment It will help you to leave the society of companions and +other pleasures in order to put your mind upon your studies or your +tasks; help you, when you find lessons hard and long, and that earnest +work is required to learn them, to perform that long and earnest work; +help you, when you feel disposed to give way to indisposition or +indolence, to hold steadily on till your tasks, no matter what they are, +are accomplished.</p> + +<p>And as good behavior is the root of good manners, so self-control is the +root of all true self-culture. We hear a great deal now-a-days about +culture, cultured people, cultivated society, etc., and it is a good and +natural wish to possess culture and to be classed among cultured people. +Intelligence and good manners are the only passport into the charmed +circle. Self-control will enable us to become possessed of both. It will +enable us to restrain ourselves from all rude, loud, hasty, ungentle +speech and action, help us to modulate our voices, and even cultivate +our laughter. It will also enable us, through mental application and +effort, to acquire knowledge. So abundant are the intellectual treasures +now brought within the reach of everyone by the cheapness of standard +educational works of every kind, that the young person who is not +intelligent through reading and study has only himself or herself to +blame. Self-control will help you to study and learn faithfully when you +are in school; it will help you to decide upon and carry out some useful +course of reading and study if you are not in school; and this, even +though you have many other duties to perform. In every town and village +may be found persons competent to advise and direct courses of study and +reading for those who have the energy to pursue them. You will have no +excuse at any period of your life for failure to progress and improve +intellectually, except your own inability to compel yourself to make +use of the opportunities that lie all around you.</p> + +<p>It is hardly necessary for me to remind you of what you know so well, +that in reading you should choose only the best books. We may without +harm divert the mind for a little each day by light miscellaneous +reading, but young people especially need to be warned against +indiscriminate novel or story reading. Here again the virtue of +self-control comes in to help do the right and avoid the wrong. If you +discover that your taste is more for the improbable highly-wrought pages +of fiction than for such works as are known to everyone as standard and +improving, let it be a sign to you that you should summon your +self-control and compel yourself to a different sort of reading. If you +find that you cannot relish or fix your mind upon standard works of +history biography, travel, or any of the many excellent books written +to bring scientific knowledge within the comprehension of the general +reader, then you may conclude rightly that your mind is in a very +uncultivated state.</p> + +<p>Your own efforts and determination—in other words, your power of +self-control—alone can effect anything worthy in self-culture. To +attain the power of self-control in a high degree is one of the greatest +and most important aims we can set before us in life. I do not believe +it can ever be attained in our own strength. To rightly control temper +and speech and conduct requires help from the divine Spirit which is +always around and over us, and within us, if we will but let our hearts +be receptive to its influences. The greatest possible help to +self-control is to learn in the moment of temptation to lift the heart +to God in earnest aspiration for His help and guidance. A sense of the +presence of God is always a strength, and help when we are conscious of +earnest effort to do right. The Bible says: "It is God that worketh in +you both to will and to do of his good pleasure." It is one of the great +mysteries and yet one of the most evident truths of life, that we must +work ourselves, and that God works in and with us, to accomplish any +good thing. That you may know and realize this truth, and learn to find +for yourself the comfort and support and strength of soul that comes +from seeking after God, is my most earnest hope and prayer for you.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="LETTER_III" id="LETTER_III" />LETTER III.</h2> + +<h2>AIMS IN LIFE.</h2> + + +<p><i>My Dear Daughter:</i>—There is no disputing the fact that in making plans +for life very different motives and aims influence young girls from +those which influence young men. Every right-minded and +affectionate-natured young girl looks forward to, and hopes most of all +to have, a home of her own, which it shall be her life-work to keep and +guide. To prepare herself rightly to fulfill all the duties that belong +to the mistress of a home, should be the one all-embracing aim of any +young girl's life; but with this should be other aims, which may help to +prepare her for vicissitudes, emergencies, or disasters, and also give +her worthy occupation and interest in life should she never be called +to the duties of a wife and mother.</p> + +<p>To speak first of preparation to become the mistress of a home, should +Providence have such a future in store. What qualities are needed to +insure that a woman shall be a happy home-keeper? Certainly, a good +temper, a cheerful disposition, a willingness to give time and thought +to the details of home-keeping, commonly called domestic cares, habits +of order and neatness, and good health, so that one may both give and +receive pleasure while discharging the duties of the home.</p> + +<p>This thought of a possible future home, the abode of love and happiness, +should be the greatest safeguard to every young girl in her acquaintance +and association with young men. A high ideal of the exclusiveness of +that affection which must be the foundation of every true and happy +home, should constrain every young girl to exercise the greatest +possible caution in regard to the advances of acquaintances of the +opposite sex. Not that there should be a prudish self-consciousness of +manner, or a disposition to suspect matrimonial intentions in every +young gentleman who is friendly and polite to her, but that all young +men should be firmly prevented from coming into any intimacy of +acquaintance or relationship that might cause unhappy and mortifying +reflection in after-time. Treat all young men kindly and respectfully, +if they are polite and respectful to you. Scorn to encourage any to make +advances which you know you will one day repel. But in discouraging such +advances, be kind and respectful. Never do or say anything wilfully to +wound and give pain to the feelings. Remember that the sharpest grief of +life, as well as its greatest happiness, is connected with the +love-making period in the life of all good young people, and never +treat with frivolity or rudeness any earnest feeling on the part of +anyone. The young girl who can rudely repulse the sincere advance of any +honorable young man has some defect in her moral and affectional nature +And as for any advance by a gentleman, young or old, that is not +respectful or sincere, a young girl is much to blame if it ever happens +more than once. Chaffing and teasing about beaux and courtship and +marriage are very unbecoming, and blur that delicacy of feeling which is +the greatest charm in the relation between young people of opposite +sexes.</p> + +<p>Cherishing as the happiest ideal of life the possible future home of +your own, you should still remember that it may never be yours, and +should make such other provision for living your life as shall help you +to the next best thing. The first and highest good, next after a home of +your own, is to be able to render to the world some service for which +it will pay you, thus making you independent and enabling you to shape +your life as you wish. You and all young girls of the present generation +are happy in having avenues of useful remunerative occupation open to +you on every hand, and society smiles and approves if you work at +something to win independence and make money. It is scarcely necessary +to remind you that in order to do effective paying work you must choose +some specialty and acquire skill in its exercise before you can hope to +earn any considerable wages or salary. While perfecting yourself in the +specialty you will have abundant opportunity to observe that it takes +patience, perseverance, and determination, to do any kind of work well. +One great reason why so many fail of making any success in life is that +they have not the power of sticking steadily to their work. They get +tired, and want to stop; whereas the true worker works though he is +tired—works till it doesn't tire him to work; works on, unheeding the +numerous temptations to turn aside to this or that diversion. There are +now so many fields of honorable and profitable employment open to young +girls that it is only necessary for you to choose what you will do. But +make a choice to do something useful and worthy of your powers. You will +be happier, and you will be a better and nobler woman, for so doing. You +will be spared the discontent and restlessness of spirit which +characterize the girl with nothing in particular to do, and who often +becomes on this account a nuisance to all earnest people around her.</p> + +<p>In order to fulfill aright the duties of any relation of life, the first +requirement the greatest necessity, next to a firm resolution and will, +is good health. Without good health there is no substantial foundation +for anything earthly. Good health is the fountain of human enjoyment and +the greatest of earthly riches. It is the great beautifier; it is the +great preservative of good looks. How strange, then, that so many girls +are so careless, so provokingly careless, of this priceless blessing! +How strange that they will wear clothing that they know tends to break +down their health; tight corsets that compress the lungs and spoil the +natural shape of the body; tight shoes that interfere with the +circulation of blood, and make their noses and hands red, and give them +predisposition to colds and coughs and nervous headaches, all of which +put to severe tests the patience and affection of those around them. +Good health is always attractive; ill-health, invalidism, nervousness, +are very apt to be repellant. Better good health than beauty, if one +were obliged to choose—which one is not, for good health is one of the +chief elements of beauty.</p> + +<p>So, if you aim first to be good and kind and intelligent and industrious +and skillful, so that you may be fitted to guide and adorn a home should +you be blessed with one, or to be fitted to shape your life to +usefulness and independence if you never have a home of your own, and if +in connection with these aims you seek to obtain and preserve good +health, you will, so far as this life is concerned, "be thoroughly +furnished unto all good works." You will become a noble woman, whose +adorning will be not alone of the outward appearance, but of the inner +life and of the soul—an adorning which, according to St. Paul, "is in +the sight of God of great price."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="LETTER_IV" id="LETTER_IV" />LETTER IV.</h2> + +<h2>PERSONAL HABITS.</h2> + + +<p><i>My Dear Daughter:</i>—The power of winning love and friends, which is +such a precious possession to all young people especially to young +girls, will, in connection with good behavior and good manners, depend +very largely upon certain personal habits, chief among which are order, +neatness, promptness, and cheerfulness.</p> + +<p>The girl or woman who is personally disorderly and untidy in her room +and dress puts a great strain upon the patience and affection of all +those associated with her who are possessed of refined and cultivated +tastes. In fact, I believe there is nothing so disenchanting, so +contrary to ideal young womanhood as a lack of neatness and tidiness in +person and dress. This wonderful physical organism with which we have +been endowed depends for its perfection and health and attractiveness +upon the care we give it. The teeth, the hair, the complexion, are all +dependent for their beauty—and it is quite right that we should strive +to make them beautiful—upon constant attention to those conditions +which insure their health and perfection. And the most important of +these conditions is cleanliness. At the present time, no young girl can +hope for recognition or welcome in refined and cultivated society, upon +whose teeth tartar and other discoloring deposits are allowed to +accumulate; whose breath is not pure and sweet; whose hair is muggy and +untidily kept; whose finger nails are neglected and dark at the edges. +These things may seem trifles, but they are not, for they are the +outward expression of an inward grace; all these marks really reveal +character. An untidy girl may be talented and good-tempered, but she +lacks one of the most essential qualities for gaining and retaining +respect and affection.</p> + +<p>The room of any young girl is a great revealer of character in respect +to real refinement and purity of taste, especially if one comes upon it +somewhat unawares. Not very long since, I was called by unexpected +circumstances to spend a day or two at the house of a friend, where, +owing to the severe illness of two members of the family, the spare +rooms were not available and I was without delay or warning shown to the +private room of a young lady member of the family. It was a low attic +room with a deep dormer window, and, seen unfurnished, might be regarded +as unattractive in size and shape. But the impression it made as I +entered and surveyed it was of refinement, beauty, repose, and purity. +The furniture was plain, but the bed was made up so beautifully, and +looked so inviting in its snowy covering that I did not notice whether +the bedstead was fine or plain. The carpet and papering of the room were +of light neutral tints, and the broad sloping walls which made the sides +of the dormer window were ornamented, the one with a long branch of +dogwood blossoms, the other with graceful groupings of poppies and swamp +grass, painted thereon by the occupant of the room herself. A wicker +rocking-chair had a cushion of bright-colored satine firmly tied in, and +matching the ribbons which were drawn through the bordering interstices +of the chair. A small table, another chair, a footstool, and two or +three simple pictures on the walls, along with wash-stand and bureau, +completed the furnishing of a room that instantly attracted and +delighted the beholder. But the impression above all others that the +room gave was of perfect purity and sweetness and health; and this was +due to the beautiful tidiness and cleanliness everywhere apparent. +Wash-stand and bureau were in perfect order, with their white mats, +clean towels, and every accessory of a refined lady's toilet. The wide +deep closet was filled with the appurtenances of a young lady's +wardrobe, but was strikingly neat and attractive. Shoes and slippers +were laid neatly in a certain place on the shelves; articles of clothing +that are usually difficult to dispose of in an orderly manner, all had +an appropriate place, and so neatly and tidily was everything arranged +that one felt sure the purity and order extended to the most secret +recesses of every place in the room. There was no danger in any +direction of coming upon anything that was not in keeping with the room +of a refined and delicate young girl. The drawers of bureau and +wash-stand, as I happened to have opportunity to observe them, were as +sweet and clean and orderly as the rest of the room. I felt better +acquainted with the character of that young girl after two days +occupation of her beautifully kept and appointed room than a year of +ordinary acquaintance would have given me.</p> + +<p>And while I am on the subject of an orderly and daintily kept room, let +me tell you that the modern bane of order and neatness in a house is too +many trivial and useless things, intended perhaps for ornament, but +confusing to the eye, offensive to good taste, and more effective for +catching dust than for anything else. The multiplication of cheap +picture-cards, wall-pockets, brackets, and all sorts of little useless +knicknacks, has helped on this confusion, till one is almost tempted to +regard them as nuisances. A few of these ornamental trifles, arranged +with an eye to a certain unity of design, may do very well; but, as +William Morris, the great apostle of true decorative art in England, has +said, "Better pure empty space than unworthy and confusing ornament." +You may have heard it related of the great naturalist, Thoreau, that he +made a collection of stones during his rambles, and placed them on his +writing-table; but when he found he had to dust them every day, he threw +them away.</p> + +<p>This same general principle applies to dress. Too many little trivial +ornaments will destroy the character and dignity of any costume. Better +one or two ornaments of good quality, or better none at all, than half a +dozen of poor quality. And in regard to a young girl's wardrobe, the +same fundamental rule prevails: if every article of apparel is not +daintily clean, it is unbecoming and unworthy a refined personality. +Soiled laces and soiled ribbons are to be shunned; but better +untidiness and soil of the outward apparel than of that which we know by +the general name of underwear, which is far more personal and important +than the outward costume. The more refined the character and taste of +any young girl, the more particular will she be in the matter of all +articles of apparel that are private to herself, that they shall at +least be daintily neat and clean. I need not say to you how +disenchanting it is to see a young lady's foot with a shoe half buttoned +because half the buttons are gone; or to see a slipper slip off and +disclose neglected and untidy hose. No young girl of proper self-respect +or refinement will ever tolerate any such blemishes in her wardrobe.</p> + +<p>Next in importance to habits of order and personal neatness comes the +habit of promptness. The girl who loiters and dawdles and keeps people +waiting, who is behindhand with her work as well as in keeping her +appointments, who is never ready at meal-time, but who is always ready +with some excuse for such annoying conduct, is a household nuisance, a +really painful trial to all who are brought into intimate relations with +her. How often have I wished it were possible to arouse the +consciousness of daughters in comfortable homes to the pain and +inconvenience they give their parents and friends by a habitual lack of +promptness! For my own part, I remember how my conscience was first +aroused, in my youth, on this point. I was reading a book written for +young girls by Jane Taylor—a writer I wish were in print now—when I +came across this instruction: "When you hear the bell ring for meals, +rise immediately, leave whatever you are doing, and at once go to the +table." Just as I was reading this sentence the bell rang, and I +immediately obeyed the summons. I noticed that my mother needed my help +in seating the younger children at the table and attending to their +wants, and I gave her my assistance. Somehow the meal seemed to pass off +more pleasantly than usual, and I felt my conscience prick me that I had +so often given my mother trouble by loitering and delaying at meal-time. +I resolved that henceforth I would be promptly on hand to help her. From +that time there was a marked change for the better in the ease with +which our family meals were served, and all because I was always +promptly on hand to help my mother. I do not know that she or any of the +family knew or noticed the reason, but I was very well aware of it. It +was really a kind of turning-point in my habits of life and usefulness +at home. To this day I never hear a bell ring for meals, without the +injunction of Jane Taylor coming into my mind: "Rise immediately, leave +whatever you are doing, and go at once to the table." I can assure you, +my child, it would add greatly to the comfort and happiness of many +houses, and greatly relieve many an overtaxed mother, if this good +old-fashioned direction were heeded not only by daughters but by other +members of the family also.</p> + +<p>And if now, in addition to these good habits, you cultivate the habit of +cheerfulness and earnestly guard against temptation to fretfulness, +moroseness, or impatience, you will be well started on the way towards a +useful and lovely womanhood. A good daughter in a home is a well-spring +of joy, an ever-fresh source of delight and consolation to her parents. +Especially is she the stay and support and strength of her mother, the +happiness of whose life depends so largely upon the respectful and +affectionate conduct and attentions of her children.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="LETTER_V" id="LETTER_V" />LETTER V.</h2> + +<h2>SOCIETY—CONVERSATION.</h2> + + +<p><i>My Dear Daughter:</i>—To give and receive pleasure in those pleasant +assemblages and meetings of acquaintances and friends known by the +general name of society, is one of the worthy minor aims of life. It is +one of the marks of an advancing state of intelligence and culture, when +an assemblage of gentlemen and ladies can pass delightful hours in the +mere interchange of thought in conversation. And while games and other +amusements may serve for a temporary variety (always excepting games +known as "kissing-games," which should be promptly tabooed and +denounced, and ever will be in truly refined society), yet animated and +intelligent conversation must always hold the first place in the list +of the pleasures of any refined society circle.</p> + +<p>How shall a young girl fit herself to enjoy and to afford enjoyment in +general society? Certainly the first requisites are intelligence, a good +knowledge of standard literature, a general knowledge of the more +important events that are taking place in the world, and such a +knowledge of the best current literature as may be obtained from the +regular reading of one or two of the standard monthly magazines.</p> + +<p>And here it may help you if I particularize a little in regard to a +knowledge of important events of the day and also of general and current +literature. Of course the main source of knowledge of the more important +events that are going on in the world is the daily or weekly newspaper; +and yet there is scarcely any reading so utterly demoralizing to good +mental habits as the ordinary daily paper. More than three-fourths of +the matter printed in the "great city dailies" is not only of no use to +anyone, but it is a positive damage to habits of mental application to +read it. It is a waste of time even to undertake to sift the important +from the unimportant. The most that any earnest person should attempt to +do with a daily paper is to glance over the headlines which give the +gist of the news, and then to read such editorial comments as enable the +reader to understand the more important events and affairs that are +transpiring in the world so that reference to them in conversation would +be intelligent and intelligible. But if one should never see a daily +paper, yet should every week carefully read a digest of news prepared +for a good weekly paper, one would be thoroughly furnished with all +necessary knowledge of contemporaneous events, and the time thus saved +from daily papers could be profitably employed in other reading.</p> + +<p>The field of literature is now so vast that no one can hope to be well +acquainted with more than a small portion of it. Yet every well-informed +young person should know the general character of the principal writers +since the time of Shakespere, even though one should never read their +works. You may remember how, in the recently finished novel of "The Rise +of Silas Lapham," the novelist, with a few sentences, shows how +ridiculous a really beautiful and amiable girl with a high-school +education may make herself in conversation by her lack of knowledge of +standard literature. She was telling a young gentleman where the +book-shelves were to be in the splendid new house being built by her +father, and suggesting that the shelves would look nice if the books had +nice bindings.</p> + +<p>"'Of course, I presume,' said Irene, thoughtfully, 'we shall have to +have Gibbon.'</p> + +<p>"'If you want to read him,' said Corey, with a laugh of sympathy for an +imaginable joke.</p> + +<p>"'We had a good deal about him in school. I believe we had one of his +books. Mine's lost, but Pen will remember.'</p> + +<p>"The young man looked at her, and then said seriously, 'You'll want +Green, of course, and Motley, and Parkman.'</p> + +<p>"'Yes. What kind of writers are they?'</p> + +<p>"'They're historians, too.'</p> + +<p>"'Oh, yes; I remember now. That's what Gibbon was. Is it Gibbon or +Gibbons?'</p> + +<p>"The young man decided the point with apparently superfluous delicacy. +'Gibbon, I think.'</p> + +<p>"'There used to be so many of them,' said Irene, gaily. 'I used to get +them mixed up with each other, and I couldn't tell them from the poets. +Should you want to have poetry?'</p> + +<p>"'Yes. I suppose some edition of the English poets.'</p> + +<p>"'We don't any of us like poetry. Do you like it?'</p> + +<p>"'I'm afraid I don't, very much,' Corey owned. 'But of course there was +a time when Tennyson was a great deal more to me than he is now.'</p> + +<p>"'We had something about him at school, too. I think I remember the +name. I think we ought to have all the American poets.'</p> + +<p>"'Well, not all. Five or six of the best; you want Longfellow, and +Bryant, and Whittier, and Emerson, and Lowell.'</p> + +<p>"'And Shakespere,' she added. 'Don't you like Shakespere's plays?... We +had ever so much about Shakespere. Weren't you perfectly astonished when +you found out how many other plays there were of his? I always thought +there was nothing but "Hamlet," and "Romeo and Juliet," and "Macbeth," +and "Richard III.," and "King Lear," and that one that Robson and Crane +have—oh, yes, "Comedy of Errors!"'"</p> + +<p>So you see how ridiculous this young girl, by the betrayal of such +ignorance, made herself in conversation with a cultured young gentleman +whose good opinion she was most anxious to win. And yet, to talk too +much about books is not well; it often marks the pedantic and egotistic +character. It is safe to say that unless one happens to meet a very +congenial mind among conversers in general society, to introduce the +subject of books is liable to be misconstrued. It is not very long since +another popular modern novelist held up to scorn and ridicule the young +woman whose particular ambition seemed to be to let society know what an +immense number of books she had been reading. Nevertheless, one must +have a good groundwork of knowledge of books in order to avoid mistakes +such as poor Irene made in talking with young Corey.</p> + +<p>Directions and suggestions for aiding young people to become agreeable +and pleasant conversers must necessarily be mainly negative. Taken for +granted that a young person possesses animation good sense, +intelligence, and a genuine interest in her companions and the world +around her; is observing, and can speak grammatically without +hesitating; knows the difference between "you and I" and "you and me" +(which I am sorry to say a great many young girls of my acquaintance do +not, for I constantly hear them saying, "He brought you and I a +bouquet," or, "You and me are invited to tea this evening"), she can +almost certainly be a pleasant and entertaining converser if she avoids +certain things, as, for instance:</p> + +<p>1. She must avoid talking about herself, her exploits, her acquirements, +her entertainments, her beaux, etc. Especially should she avoid seeking +to make an impression by frequent mention of advantageous friends or +circumstances. The greatest observer and commentator upon manners that +ever wrote was Mr. Emerson. In one of his essays he says: "You shall not +enumerate your brilliant acquaintances, nor tell me by their titles what +books you have read. I am to infer that you keep good company by your +good manners and better information; and to infer your reading from the +wealth, and accuracy of your conversation."</p> + +<p>2. She must avoid a loud tone of voice, and also avoid laughing too much +and too easily. To laugh aloud is a dangerous thing, unless all noise +and harshness have been cultivated out of the voice, as ought to be done +in every good school. The culture of the voice is one of the most +important elements in making a pleasant converser. American girls and +women are accused by cultivated foreigners of having loud, harsh, +strident voices; and there is too much truth in the accusation. Nor is +there any excuse for unpleasant, harsh, rough, nasal tones of voice in +these days when in every good school instruction is given in the +management of the voice for reading and conversation. The cause of +harshness and loudness is often mere carelessness on the part of young +people. But talking in too loud a tone is scarcely less unpleasant to +the listeners than the use of too low a tone, which is generally an +affectation.</p> + +<p>3. She must avoid frequent attempts at wit; avoid punning, which is the +cheapest possible form of wit; and avoid sarcasm. The talent for being +sarcastic is a most dangerous one. 'No one ever knew a sarcastic woman +who could keep friends. The temptation to be bright and interesting and +to attract attention by the use of sarcasm is very strong, for nearly +all will be interested in it and enjoy it for a little. But were I +obliged to choose between sarcasm and dullness in a young girl, I should +prefer dullness. Happily, this is not a necessary alternative.</p> + +<p>4. She must avoid a kind of joking and badinage that should never be +heard among well-bred young people in society—that about courtship and +marriage. Much harm, much blunting of fine sensibilities, much +destruction of that delicate modesty which is the priceless dower of +young girlhood, comes of such jesting and joking where it is permitted +without restraint or reproof. A young girl may not be called upon to +reprove it, but she certainly can shun the company of those who are +given to such vulgarity (for no other term will rightly describe it), +and she can certainly refrain from joining in any conversation of this +description.</p> + +<p>Always remember that to be a good converser you must be a good listener. +Very often people acquire a pleasant reputation and popularity in +society by the exercise of this talent alone—that of listening with +attention and interest to what other people say. Be especially careful +to avoid interrupting one who is speaking. Many a fine and noble +thought, many an interesting discussion, is broken off and lost by the +irrelevant interruption of some thoughtless person. One reason why the +art of conversation has so degenerated in these days is that so few have +a real interest in hearing the fine thoughts of good thinker and +talkers. So many people want to talk about themselves, or their affairs, +that it is in many circles almost an impossibility to maintain a high +and elevating conversation. Until years and experience, as well as wide +reading and information, have given you the right to express freely your +opinions in society, it will be well to listen a great deal more than +you speak, especially when in the company of your elders. Avoid all +sentimentality, or the discussion of subjects that would expose the +private and sacred feelings of the heart. Do not quote poetry; do not +ask people's opinions on delicate and individual questions. I have heard +a young boarding-school graduate embarrass a whole room-full of +excellent and educated people by asking a young gentleman if he did not +think Longfellow very inferior to Lowell in his love poems. Among those +of your own age let what you have to say relate to everything more than +to the doings or sayings of other people. In this way you will avoid +that bane of social conversation—gossip. In all social relations strive +to throw your influence for that which is faithful, sincere, kind, +generous, and just. Have a special thought and regard for those who may +labor under disadvantages? be especially kind to the shrinking and +timid, to the poor and unfortunate. Strive to be worthy of the +confidence and respect and love of your associates, and all your +relations to society will be easily and naturally and happily adjusted.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="LETTER_VI" id="LETTER_VI" />LETTER VI.</h2> + +<h2>ASSOCIATES AND FRIENDS.</h2> + + +<p><i>My Dear Daughter:</i>—When I was a young girl, I well remember that my +parents judged who were and who were not desirable and proper associates +for their children, chiefly by reference to the parents and family of +our young companions. It was taken for granted that the children of +good, honorable, Christian people, who strove to train their children to +obedience and a conscientious life, would be suitable companions for us; +and this criterion in nearly every instance proved to be a true one. In +only one instance, indeed, did it fail; and I well remember the shock it +gave a whole circle of young people, when a young companion, the son of +an eminent clergyman, was sent home on account of his language and +conduct after one week's visit among friends, when it had been expected +by all that he would stay two or three months.</p> + +<p>But in these days this criterion of family and parentage is +insufficient; for, sad as it may seem, the children of really excellent +parents are often so derelict in duty, so lacking in conscientiousness, +so idle and aimless and frivolous that their companionship should be +dreaded for susceptible young people especially for young girls. One +thing is very certain: that in these days young people, when out of +sight of their parents, often act and talk in a way which they certainly +would not do in their parents' presence. And that is truly a distressing +fear which often comes to the hearts of excellent and faithful parents, +that the conduct of their children when out of their sight and restraint +may be totally at variance with all they have been taught in regard to +right and proper conduct.</p> + +<p>Now all people, old or young, are influenced in conduct somewhat by +their associates and friends; but young people especially are +susceptible to the influence of example. And it is a painful but well +known fact that young people are much more easily and quickly influenced +by bad example than by good. One frivolous, vain, forward, pert young +girl, coming for a season into association with a company of young +people, may in a few short weeks make her impress on the manners and +conversation of the whole of them. Her slang expressions will be +adopted; her loud manners and eccentricities of dress will be imitated; +her frivolity and dislike for any of the serious duties of life will +prove contagious.</p> + +<p>For you, and for any young girl, I would consider dangerous and harmful +intimate association with:</p> + +<p>1. The young girl who, either from circumstances or natural +disposition, does not compel herself, or is not compelled to do +something—to study her lessons and take some useful share in every-day +duties. "Nothing to do is worse than nothing to eat," said a great man, +Thomas Carlyle; and observing parents or teachers know this to be +especially true of young people. It makes no difference that they don't +want to do anything or to exert themselves. The very absence of exertion +makes them weak and indisposed to effort. It is a lamentable lack at the +present time among a large proportion of the daughters of comfortable +and refined homes, that they have small physical strength and no +qualities of endurance at all. They are "all tired out" if they sweep +and dust or do housework for an hour or two, or take a half-mile walk on +an errand, or sew continuously for an hour. Very likely they will want +to lie down and rest an hour after such exertion. This is all the +result of unexercised muscles and mental indolence. That mother was +quite right, who, when her boarding-school daughter complained that it +made her arms ache to sweep, replied: "Well, you must sweep till it +doesn't make them ache." Mind and body both grow strong through +exercise. Unexercised muscles, of course, will be weak and flabby and +tire easily. But the young girl whom it tires to work is most likely on +the <i>qui vive</i> about some folly or other nearly all the time. Lack of +healthful mental and bodily occupation and stimulus will almost +certainly produce a craving for unhealthy excitement. Such a girl is apt +to be constantly planning for mere pleasure and to have "a good time." +And, oh! what an unsatisfying, unworthy aim in life is this, and how +pernicious in its effects! Pleasure and "a good time" are all very +well, but unless they are partaken of sparingly they produce a mental +effect similar to that which the constant use of desserts and +sweetmeats, instead of plain substantial food, would produce in the +physical system. Association with the idle and the mere pleasure-seeker +is therefore to be guarded against, for their influence cannot but be +harmful.</p> + +<p>2. Although perfection is not to be expected in any companion or +associate, yet there are certain defects of character which are so grave +that parents cannot afford to encourage their children in associating +with those who exhibit these in a marked degree. Untruthfulness; the +habit of gossiping about friends or acquaintances or divulging family +privacies; sullenness and moroseness under reproof; rebellious and +disrespectful expressions and conduct toward parents and teachers; +indifference to the good opinion of sensible people, as shown by +unusual and startling conduct in public places; all such things mark the +undesirable associate for young girls. But there are young girls against +whom none of these complaints could be made, who are undesirable +companions because they are wholly absorbed in love of dress and display +and desire to be admired and noticed. It is generally among this class +that we find young girls who prefer to an altogether unreasonable and +unbecoming extent, the society of young men to the society of their own +sex. It is among these that we find the young lady who does not know how +to prevent undue familiarity in the conduct of young men; who will +tolerate without disapprobation or protest, rude conduct on the part of +young men. This over-eagerness for their society, and easy toleration of +too familiar conduct and conversation, young men, who are quick +discerners in such matters, are very apt to take advantage of. Only the +best and most high-principled among them will refrain from doing so.</p> + +<p>I have spoken of the influence that a frivolous, vain, selfish companion +will be sure to exercise over those with whom she is intimately +associated. For you, as for any young girl, I would seek to prevent such +associations. On the other hand, I should rejoice to see you form +friendships with good, high-minded, intelligent, gentle-mannered girls +of your own age, and should hope that you would mutually emulate and +stimulate each other in all worthy aims and ambitions. Such friendships, +however, are seldom hastily formed. The gushing and violent attachments +that sometimes spring up between young girls are sure to be of mushroom +growth and duration, unless there is genuine character and merit in +both. During the period of the continuance of such friendships, a great +deal of "selfishness for two" is often developed and manifested. Very +often when young people are visiting together their attentions to each +other seem to make them forget their duties and the attentions due to +other people. Here is one of the best tests of the true character of a +young girl: her conduct in the house where she is a visitor. If she is +truly well-mannered and kind-hearted she will certainly be on her guard +to conform to the hours and habits of the household where she is a +guest; she will avoid making any demands upon the time of her friend +that would cause that friend to neglect her daily duties or put to +inconvenience the other members of the family. She will divide her +attentions with all the members of the family, having special regard for +the very young or the very old. She will, above all things, be prompt +and punctual at meal-time. Her own tact and judgment will enable her to +judge how much assistance she should offer, if any, to the friends she +visits—a matter which must always be determined by circumstances. In +some families and under some circumstances it might be a breach of +decorum and an act of officiousness on the part of a visitor to make any +offer of assistance in the matter of the daily household arrangements. +In other families and under other circumstances it might be an act of +the kindest and best politeness to undertake every day during her visit +a portion of the daily home-duties. That which a young girl who is a +visitor in any family should first of all observe, is the wishes and +convenience of the older people of the household. If the friend she is +visiting should show too much disposition to make everything about the +house bend to the occasion of the visit, the visitor should deprecate +this, both by word and example. Every mother of young daughters knows +the difference between visitors who are thoughtful and deferential and +helpful, and those whose overweening interest in self and selfish plans +makes them oblivious to the convenience and wishes and preferences of +their hostess and other members of the family.</p> + +<p>If one wished thoroughly to understand the character of any young girl, +no better test could be applied than to invite her to a three weeks' +family visit. By daily observation one could then learn how near in +character and disposition, in habits and manners, she approached that +beautiful ideal of the poet Lowell which I wish every young girl might +constantly strive to imitate and attain to:</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span>"In herself she dwelleth not,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Although no home were half so fair;<br /></span> +<span>No simplest duty is forgot,<br /></span> +<span>Life hath no dim and lowly spot<br /></span> +<span class="i2">That doth not in her sunshine share.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span>"She doeth little kindnesses<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Which most leave undone or despise;<br /></span> +<span>For naught that sets our heart at ease,<br /></span> +<span>And giveth happiness or peace,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Is low esteemed in her eyes.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span>"She hath no scorn of common things,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">And, though she seem of other birth,<br /></span> +<span>Round us her heart entwines and clings,<br /></span> +<span>And patiently she folds her wings<br /></span> +<span class="i2">To tread the humble paths of earth.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span>"Blessing she is; God made her so,<br /></span> +<span class="i2">And deeds of week-day holiness<br /></span> +<span>Fall from her noiseless as the snow,<br /></span> +<span>Nor hath she ever chanced to know<br /></span> +<span class="i2">That aught were easier than to bless.<br /></span> +</div><div class="stanza"> +<span>"She is most fair, and thereunto<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Her life doth brightly harmonize;<br /></span> +<span>Feeling or thought that was not true<br /></span> +<span>Ne'er made less beautiful the blue<br /></span> +<span class="i2">Unclouded heaven of her eyes."<br /></span> +</div></div> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="LETTER_VII" id="LETTER_VII" />LETTER VII.</h2> + +<h2>TACT—UNOBTRUSIVENESS.</h2> + + +<p><i>My Dear Daughter:</i>—In one of my letters to you, I said that there were +certain excellent manuals which contained important general and special +directions concerning the forms and manners or etiquette of polite +society, and that all young people should study and profit by some +standard works of this kind. But there are a great many things +pertaining to the conduct of life, that go to make up character and +affect the impression we make upon those around us, which are not set +down in books and cannot be imparted by set forms and rules. For +instance, one of the most desirable possessions for any person, young or +old, is tact—a power of moving on through life without constantly +coming into collision with people and things and opinions. And yet no +rules were ever laid down by which anyone can learn to acquire tact. It +is rather the natural result of a disposition to make people with whom +we are associated comfortable and happy, since in order to do this we +must constantly guard against arousing antagonisms or wounding the +susceptibilities of those around us.</p> + +<p>Now, to illustrate by some instances of lack of tact: A lady guest at a +table where broiled ham was the meat provided, declined to take any, and +then added, "I don't think pork is fit food for any human stomach." Of +course an embarrassment fell upon host and hostess and all the company, +and the rest of the meal-time was passed in an ineffectual endeavor to +restore conversation to a harmonious basis. What caused this lady to +make such a remark? Simply lack of tact, which means that she had not +the fine sensitiveness that would prevent her from wounding the feelings +of her friends. She had no delicacy of perception as to the reflection +she cast upon her host and hostess by so brusquely condemning something +to which they were habituated. This is one instance of lack of tact, but +here is another of different character: A company of educated people sat +down at table together, and the conversation happened to turn on the +question of the authorship of Shakespeare's plays. One lady, who was a +recent college graduate and supposed to be possessed of an unusual +degree of culture, said in a most positive manner: "I think the +advocates of the theory that some one other than Shakespeare wrote the +plays attributed to him, simply show their ignorance and shallowness." +An uncomfortable pause fell upon, the company, for two of the best +informed people present were entirely convinced that some one other +than Shakespeare wrote the plays. It was simply lack of tact that +betrayed this lady into a positiveness and obtrusiveness of statement +that made others uncomfortable and aroused their antagonism. Here is +still another instance: One lady was introduced to another lady who was +the wife of a gentleman much older than herself. After catching the name +the lady said: "Are you the wife of old Mr. C——?" Of course everybody +around who had any sensibility was pained and embarrassed by such a +blunt, brusque question. Yet the lady who displayed this want of tact +was a college graduate and the principal teacher in an important school.</p> + +<p>Now, no rule or rules will ever prevent anyone from doing and saying +things which show lack of tact. Nothing will do it but the cultivation +of a spirit of sympathy which will enable one to realize how other +people feel when their opinions and peculiarities or circumstances are +so bluntly antagonized or alluded to. I know an excellent and +high-minded lady, of superior intellectual culture, who often complains +that she has few friends. She says that she longs for the affection and +esteem of her friends, yet, as she expresses it, she has "no personal +magnetism." I was once present in a literary society of which this lady, +Mrs. A., was a member. Another member, Mrs. B., made a statement about a +matter under discussion in the society, when Mrs. A. arose and said, +bluntly: "That is not true." Everybody was astonished, and listened +almost indignantly while Mrs. A. went on to show that Mrs. B. had simply +been misinformed and was mistaken. It would have been entirely easy and +proper for Mrs. A. to ask permission to correct a misapprehension on the +part of Mrs. B., and she could have done it in such a way as would have +wounded nobody's feelings. Mrs. A., while she complains that she has few +friends, frequently asserts that she believes in saying just what she +thinks. This is all well enough, but she says it with so little tact as +to constantly wound the feelings and antagonize the opinions of everyone +around her.</p> + +<p>Tact is as important in manners as in speech. The word is closely allied +to the word <i>touch</i>, and a person who has good tact is really one who +can touch people gently, carefully, kindly, in all the relations of +life. In the animal creation no creature has more perfect tact than a +well-bred kindly-treated household cat. You may have seen one of these +enter a room where perhaps a circle of people were seated around a stove +or open fire. Puss wants her warm place in front of the fire or stove, +but she does not brusquely and rudely push her way there. No. She +glides gently, purringly around the circle, rubs caressingly against +this one and that, as though gently saying, "By your leave"; and when +finally she reaches the desired spot, she lays herself down so +gracefully and quietly and curls herself up so deftly that to witness +the act really affords pleasure to the observer. A creature of less tact +and grace would only appear obtrusive and offend and antagonize the +company, and probably rightfully receive reproof and be ejected from the +room.</p> + +<p>And so I would wish to see you and all young people cultivate tact; +study how to speak and act so as to touch gently all with whom you are +associated. Behind the best tact lies the wish to be kind and to make +people comfortable and happy, to avoid wounding and irritating; and so +it is true that the basis of true tact is, after all, the moral +sentiment.</p> + +<p>The young person who would cultivate tact in speech and manners will +carefully guard against obtrusiveness. This is a defect in the manners +of so many people, both young and old, and includes such a multitude of +things, that it is worth while to particularize a little upon it. +Quietness, repose, order, are distinguishing marks of cultivated social +life everywhere, and to people who are habituated to these conditions of +life it is painful to have incongruous or inappropriate acts or sounds +thrust upon their attention. Here is a generalization that explains the +reason why many things, harmless in themselves are unpleasant to and +offend the taste of cultivated people. No really cultivated young girl +will, for instance, open and play upon a piano in a hotel parlor or any +other parlor at inappropriate times or when it is occupied by strangers. +She will never perform in public any of the duties of the toilet, such +as cleaning her nails or using a tooth-pick. She will not eat peanuts or +fruit or candy, or chew gum, in public places. In fact, I cannot imagine +a really refined young lady chewing gum even in the privacy of her own +room, so offensive is it to good taste. She will not descant upon bodily +ailments in the drawing-room or at the table. She will not rush noisily +up and down stairs or through the house, clashing doors and startling +everyone with unpleasant noises. She will not interrupt people who are +conversing, to ask an irrelevant question or one pertaining to her own +affairs. She will not slap an acquaintance familiarly on the shoulder, +or make special displays of affection or intimacy before people. She +will if possible suppress the sudden sneeze, and use every effort to +quiet a cough. She will not go uninvited into the private room of +anyone, nor into the kitchen of her hostess where she is a visitor. All +such things really inflict pain upon sensitive people; they offend +because they obtrude; and all similar actions and obtrusiveness are to +be carefully avoided by everyone who desires to acquire a true and +genuine culture of action, speech, and manners. It is well worth your +while to think earnestly and often upon these things; to learn to +understand why so many thoughtless actions on the part of young people +are set down to a general lack of cultivation. All such obtrusiveness +must be done away with before we shall be able to realize the prayer of +David, "that our daughters may be like corner-stones, polished after the +similitude of a palace."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="LETTER_VIII" id="LETTER_VIII" />LETTER VIII.</h2> + +<h2>WHO ARE THE CULTIVATED?</h2> + + +<p><i>My Dear Daughter:</i>—No words in the English language are so much +bandied about in efforts to describe or classify society at the present +day as are the words "culture," "cultured," "cultivated" and their +antitheses. These are the terms that intimidate the vain, selfish, +illiterate rich; for to be described as "rich but uncultivated" is +regarded as a greater slur upon the social standing of families than to +be reported as having gained wealth by dishonesty or trickery. And then +the matter is made all the harder for those willing to acquire a +hypocritical polish at any expense if they can only be called +"cultivated," from the fact that they do not know what true culture is, +nor are they able to recognize it when they see it. They are like a +person lacking in all artistic sense, who wishes to buy pictures—at the +mercy of every impostor.</p> + +<p>What, then, is the secret that lies behind the demeanor and manners of +the cultivated man or woman, or the cultivated family? What power or +what sentiment modulates the voice to kind and gentle tones; restrains +the boisterous conversation or laughter; gives such a delicate +perception of the rights of others as to make impossible the dictatorial +or arrogant form of address the impertinent question, the personal +familiarity, the curiosity about private affairs, the forwardness in +giving advice or expressing unasked opinions, the boastful statement of +personal possessions or qualities, the action that causes pain or +inconvenience or discomfort to associates or dependents, all of which +are the most common forms of transgression among the uncultivated?</p> + +<p>In his famous address on "The Progress of Culture," delivered before a +celebrated college society in Cambridge in 1867, Emerson summed up the +whole matter in one sentence: "The foundation of culture, as of +character, is at last the moral sentiment." Here is the whole secret in +a single sentence. The restraining grace is "at last the moral +sentiment." It is a fine genuine unselfishness that, observing how all +these things may pain and wound, refrains from doing any of them. The +man or woman or family who can avoid transgressing in these particulars +can do so habitually only as the result of a fine moral sentiment +underlying the whole nature. And those who possess or have cultivated in +themselves this fine moral sentiment of unselfishness, justice, and +considerateness, will be surrounded by an atmosphere of culture though +their dwelling-place be an uncarpeted cabin, while those who lack this +restraining grace will be "uncultivated" though their surroundings +afford every comfort, beauty, and luxury. It should be a thought of +encouragement to us, and an inspiration of hope that we may possess the +true and imperishable riches of a cultivated spirit, however poor and +struggling our lives may be, or however barren of external beauty our +surroundings. Culture depends not on material possessions. In fact, the +very abundance of conveniences and comforts and elegances often seems to +have an injurious and deteriorating effect on individuals and families +by producing in them a selfish love of personal ease and exclusiveness. +On the other hand, the painful and patient economizing of humble toilers +often produces an unselfishness and patience and gentleness of demeanor +which is in effect the very finest culture.</p> + +<p>In these days of specialists and artists and architects and +upholsterers, anyone who has money can possess himself of the material +surroundings of taste and culture. His house may be "a poem in stone" +exteriorly, and a "symphony in color" in its interior adornments. This +much of the products of genuine culture he may buy with money. But no +money can buy the pearl of great price, the cultured spirit in the +individual or family, without which the most palatial mansion is but a +dead and lifeless shell. Lacking this moral sentiment and culture, how +many a handsomely appointed home is the abode of rudeness, unkindness, +selfishness, and misery! The rude speech or cutting retort or selfish +act are doubly and trebly incongruous when pictured walls and frescoed +ceilings and luxurious surroundings of artistic beauty are the silent +witnesses of the vulgarity. On the other hand, there is opportunity for +the display of the best and kindest and most cultivated manners in the +humble home where lack of suitable furnishings and dearth of +conveniences puts everyone's unselfishness to the test.</p> + +<p>I have frequently heard wise parents and teachers speak of the +perplexity of spirit which they feel when they see that in so many +instances the acquirement of accomplishments, as they are termed, fails +to add any moral strength or beauty to the character of the young people +in whose welfare and advancement their hearts are so entirely absorbed. +This young girl sings and plays beautifully, paints and draws in a +genuinely artistic manner, speaks French and German like a native, and +yet she is ill-tempered and shrewish if circumstances happen to cross +her inclination. Here is a young man who is possessed of a fine +collegiate education, and who is also an excellent musician. Yet he can +be rude and disrespectful to his mother, insolent to his father, +overbearing and arrogant towards servants and subordinates, and a +perfect boor to his younger brothers and sisters. Both these young +persons have uncultivated spirits. So we see that the cultivation of the +intellectual nature, the acquirement of accomplishments, the practice of +any art, the advantages of travel, the surroundings of elegance, may or +may not tend to the genuine culture of the spirit; and as wise and +earnest parents and teachers perceive this truth, they realize more and +more that the great problem of culture, alike for parent and teacher, is +how to develop the moral sentiment.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="LETTER_IX" id="LETTER_IX" />LETTER IX.</h2> + +<h2>RELIGIOUS CULTURE AND DUTY.</h2> + + +<p><i>My Dear Daughter:</i>—I have endeavored in my previous letters to give +you a kind of outline series of directions and instructions in matters +that pertain to the ordinary every day duties of life. I have spoken of +the motives that should influence your actions, and have tried to show +you that all truly lovely and beautiful conduct must have a basis in the +moral sentiment. I have reserved till this last letter what I have to +say to you on the most important subject of all: the infinitely +momentous subject of religious culture and duty.</p> + +<p>In the first place I must explain that there is a great difference +between the methods and circumstances of religious instruction now and +those which surrounded the youth of the maturer generation. When people +of the age of your parents were young, the habits of family life were +such that religious observances held a place of first importance. All +household affairs were arranged with reference to morning and evening +worship, which consisted of singing, reading the Bible, and prayer. No +matter how much work was to be done, the family must rise in time to +allow for the performance of this service. Children heard so much about +God, and heaven, and the life beyond death, that often a morbid and +unnatural frame of mind was induced. Parents and instructors often +forgot to make allowance for the fact that youth naturally and rightly +loves and enjoys this life, and rightly and naturally dreads death. So +much was said about the other world that it seemed almost a sin to think +about or plan much for this. God and heaven were imagined as close +above in the sky? the judgment day was ever held threateningly before +us; and pictures of a literal lake of fire and brimstone, into which +wicked people would be cast, were painted for the imagination of +children, till, as the experience of hundreds testifies, even the most +conscientious of them feared to close their eyes in sleep at night lest +they should awake in that terrible place of torment.</p> + +<p>From this doubtless too severe and harsh religious regime, a reaction +has taken place which has thrown the customs of family life and the +religious education of the young people of to-day far into the opposite +extreme. The hurry and railroad rush of modern social and commercial +life have shortened or even cut off entirely the hours for family +worship. In the modern effort to emphasize the fact that God is love, +the other fact that sin deserves and receives punishment has been +thrown too far into the background, or is ignored altogether. Regular +reading of the Bible has become as rare as it formerly was universal. +Irreverence and skepticism in regard to its truths and teachings +permeate a large portion of society, and the general influence of the +social life of young people is opposed to the cultivation or expression +of the religious spirit or aspiration. All this involves the loss of a +most valuable mental and spiritual discipline, and earnest parents of +to-day are at a loss how to supply it.</p> + +<p>I will press upon your attention only one argument for the culture of a +religious spirit, and that is the argument of experience. What is the +universal testimony of those whose lives are really governed by the fear +and love of a divine Creator? It is that in the consciousness of a +desire to obey God and live in harmony with His laws they find their +highest happiness.</p> + +<p>To everyone who lives beyond the earliest period of childhood, comes at +some time or other sorrow, disappointment, sickness, loss, bereavement. +The great fact of death looms up at the end of every pathway, however +bright and happy. The universal testimony of the human race, from the +earliest records of human experience to the present time, is that only +faith and hope in a beneficent God ruling over all events can sustain +and comfort the human heart through all the changes and vicissitudes of +life, and reconcile to the thought of death.</p> + +<p>Early youth is naturally happy, gay, care-free, and indifferent to +sorrows and fears of which it knows nothing. But there comes a time to +every sensible and earnest young heart when it realizes the +transitoriness of all earthly things, and longs for something on which +the heart can take hold and rest. I do not believe any young person +fails of this experience sooner or later. It is a hunger of the heart +which nothing but the love of God can fill, and if, when it is first +felt, the heart only humbly and earnestly turns to God with high and +firm resolve to seek a knowledge of Him and His laws, to bring all +actions and plans of life into harmony with His revealed will, the +foundation of an enduring happiness is laid for this life, and doubtless +for the life to come.</p> + +<p>But this desire and effort after a knowledge of God and obedience to His +will do not come without a struggle. We are strange and mysterious +creatures, having within us a nature that is most susceptible to +temptations, to do evil. Every one of us is conscious of a struggle +constantly going on in our hearts and lives between evil and good. The +temptations to selfishness, greed, unkindness, untruthfulness, +irreverence, indolence, are constant and severe until we have by long +conflict and repeated victory habituated our hearts to choosing the +right. Yet every victory over self and temptation helps us toward that +spiritual attainment which will in time enable us to say, with the sweet +psalmist of Israel: "The Lord is the portion of my soul; the Lord is the +strength of my heart; the Lord is my light and my salvation."</p> + +<p>Most usually the heart first turns toward God with deep earnestness +through sorrow. There are many griefs and burdens of life which cannot +be alleviated or lightened in any way except by spiritual comfort and +help. And this spiritual comfort and help are among the deepest +realities of life. There is a strength, a happiness, a peace and a +support in sorrow which the world can neither give nor take away. How +priceless a blessing to possess! The saddest, darkest, most suffering +life can be irradiated and uplifted and enriched by this spiritual +blessing. The most fortunately circumstanced life may be made poor by +its absence. Dean Stanley tells us of a sister who for perhaps forty +years was a constant sufferer from spinal disease, and during that +period almost constantly confined to her couch. Yet her countenance was +irradiated with cheerfulness, and she seemed to inspire everyone who +came near her with comfort, and with ardor and enthusiasm for goodness. +Such examples are not rare. Every community knows some person or persons +sustained in deep affliction, though long continued trial and sorrow and +loss, by this unseen spiritual power. On the other hand, experience and +observation show us constantly recurring examples of discontent, +peevishness, unhappiness, on the part of those who appear to be +specially favored in the possession of the comforts and riches of this +life. Lord Chesterfield said that, having seen and experienced all the +pomps and pleasures of life, he was disgusted with and hated them all, +and only desired, like a weary traveler, to be allowed "to sleep in the +carriage" until the end came. But Paul the apostle, contemplating the +close of his eventful life of sorrow and suffering, said: "I have fought +the good fight? I have finished the course? I have kept the faith: +henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness."</p> + +<p>So it seems only a reasonable appeal to every young heart, as soon as it +is mature enough to understand and make choice among the realities and +verities of life, to choose this better part; to keep the heart +receptive to and expectant of this divine comfort and help; to seek to +know and obey the will of this God of all consolation. But this choice +is a purely individual matter. No one can make another person good any +more than he can make him happy. All that anyone, all that the wisest +and best teachers and parents can do, is to present the arguments for +and urge the choice of the better part.</p> + +<p>But if it is chosen, or if there is a desire to be enabled to choose it, +what a help and stimulus comes from the reading and study of the Bible, +especially of the Psalms and the New Testament! Therein are recorded +every phase of the spiritual experiences of humanity in its aspiration +after a knowledge of God. Therein are recorded the words and precepts of +"the Great Teacher sent from God," who said that he and the Father were +one, and that he was sent of God to seek and save the lost. Here are the +records of the compassionate expressions that fell from his lips as he +proclaimed his message as the Son of God. Whatever other opinion men may +have of Christ, all must confess that in his words to and about sinning +and sorrowing and suffering men and women, he displayed a love and +sympathy such as earth had never known before, and such as it has known +since, in kind, only in the devoted followers of Christ. To have the +memory stored with these expressions or teachings, or with the prayers +and aspirations of the psalms and the prophecies, is to have a fountain +of comfort and consolation for the heart, that passes all understanding. +But this fact of human experience you must accept on the testimony of +those who have experienced it, until you have experienced it for +yourself.</p> + +<p>And thus, my daughter, while I wish for you the possession of all the +graces and adornments of person and character that pertain to and are +possible for the life that now is, how infinitely more do I desire for +you that you may know God and the comforts and consolations of His word +and spirit. To know that you had sought and found for yourself this +knowledge, that you knew and sought the help of the divine spirit in +resisting temptation to do wrong, that in disappointment your heart +would turn to God for comfort, that in sorrow you would seek consolation +in communion with God, would be to feel that your future happiness was +absolutely assured. In this seeking after God, all things would be +yours. And even though you had made but a small and weak beginning to +follow on and know the Lord, I should rejoice in the assurance that the +good work, having been begun, would be completed unto the end. And so I +close these letters with the same summing up of all advice, all +instruction, which more than four thousand years ago a prophet of God +gave to his reflections upon the vicissitudes of human life: "Let us +hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep his +commandments, for this is the whole duty of man."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="A_LITTLE_SERMON_TO_SCHOOL_GIRLS" id="A_LITTLE_SERMON_TO_SCHOOL_GIRLS" />A LITTLE SERMON TO SCHOOL-GIRLS.</h2> + +<blockquote><p>Be kindly affectioned one toward another with brotherly love, in + honor preferring one another.</p> + +<p> —<i>Rom.</i> xii. 10.</p> + +<p> Whose adorning ... let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that + which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet + spirit which is in the sight of God of great price.</p> + +<p> —1 <i>Peter</i>, iii. 4.</p></blockquote> + + +<p>Wherever people are associated together it will always be found that +some are more popular and beloved than others. Taking it for granted +that all my young readers would wish to be lovely and beloved by those +with whom they are associated, I wish to make a short study of some of +those characteristics which always distinguish a lovely or loveable +person, and also of some characteristics which tend to make people +unlovely and disagreeable.</p> + +<p>But if anyone should at the outset say, "I do not care whether people +like me or not, I have no particular wish to be lovely or beloved," what +could I answer? Nothing. I could only express my sorrow that the better +and higher nature of such an one was so undeveloped, and that the +greatest source of true happiness was so unknown and unappreciated. I +could only hope that the conscience and the moral nature of such an one +might be aroused and quickened by some good and faithful admonition or +word of instruction. And right here I wish to call the special attention +of my young friends to this fact: Youth is a period given up largely to +the work of obtaining an education; but education is of a two-fold +nature. We have an intellectual nature and we have a spiritual or moral +nature. The intellectual powers and faculties it is possible to educate +almost in spite of even the distaste or aversion of the pupil to +receiving that education. We can, in a measure, force a knowledge of the +sciences upon even reluctant pupils. We can prove to them that three +angles of a triangle are equal to two right angles, or that an acid and +an alkali will combine to form a salt; but we can never force an +antagonistic nature to receive a spiritual truth. Your parents or +teacher may instruct you that it is wrong to be untruthful or unkind or +deceitful, but your own inner natures alone can receive such truths and +assimilate them. No human being can compel another human being to be +good. Here is where one of the chief anxieties and chief sorrows of +parents and teachers arises. There is no anxiety so deep as the anxiety +of the good that those they love may be good also; no sorrow so poignant +as the sorrow of the heart over the willful wrong-doing of those near +and dear. If at the close of your prescribed school course you should +return to your homes, skilled in all the sciences, possessed of +extensive knowledge of literature, fine musicians, fine artists, and yet +selfish, ungentle, proud or haughty in demeanor, wanting in +thoughtfulness for the rights and feelings of others, careless of being +unkind, the time spent in your education would largely have been spent +in vain.</p> + +<p>Among the first characteristics of a person who is lovely and beloved, +we must place a kind and gentle manner toward all, kind words and kind +deeds, and a restraint of hasty speech or action. In order to possess +these qualities, it is not necessary ever to be obtrusive with our +attentions. Sometimes people pain us by thrusting upon us attentions +which we do not want. There is a kind of officious attentiveness which +is really the expression of a species of vanity. It is true we ought to +be observant, and if we see where we can really help others by offering +kind acts or services, we ought to be willing to do it. But to young +people associated together as schoolmates, the opportunity for +exercising gentleness and kindness towards one another comes mostly in +the line of daily work. Some pupils are more advanced in their studies +than others: some have had greater advantages in their homes than +others: and these differences afford an opportunity for exercising +toward each other a spirit of kindness and gentleness. It is one of the +most common occurrences in schools for pupils to come in who have not +had the advantages which enable them to know how to conduct themselves +gracefully in society; how to dress themselves; how to use knife, fork, +napkin, etc., properly at the table; and while it is of course the duty +of teachers to instruct them in all these things, it is also the +imperative duty of their companions to refrain from unkind criticism or +laughing at and making sport of blunders which may arise only from lack +of information. Very often these students are "jewels in the rough," of +the rarest and finest quality. You may have heard the story of Daniel +Webster, when he came in from his father's farm to enter upon his +collegiate course, and went to board with one of the professors who had +several students boarding in his family. Daniel had certainly never been +taught good manners at the table, however many other good things he had +been taught in his home, for he immediately attracted the attention of +all the other boarders by sitting with his knife and fork held upright +in each hand and resting on the table while he masticated his food. The +professor quelled the rising laughter among his fellow-students by a +firm glance of reproof, but said nothing to Daniel. He had observed +that the boy was sensitive, and he now had the problem before him how he +should correct this awkwardness in Daniel without wounding his feelings; +and he took the following method: Calling one of the senior boarders to +him before the next meal, he said: "We want to break our young friend of +his awkward way of holding his knife and fork, and we don't want to hurt +his feelings. Now I want you, at supper to-night, to hold your knife and +fork the same way, and then I will call your attention to it and tell +you it is not the right and proper way to do." The student agreed, and +so between the kind intention of the professor and the kind willingness +of the student the embryo statesman was taught an important lesson +without being pained and abashed by his ignorance.</p> + +<p>In marked contrast with this incident is one which personally I knew to +happen in a school. A little country girl who had recently become an +inmate of the school knocked at the room of her neighbor, a young lady +who had been brought up amid all the refinements of life, and asked her +if she would lend her her hair-brush. Two or three other girls happened +to be in the room, and this young lady replied, "Hadn't you better ask +me for my tooth-brush? In this school, hair-brushes are private +property." Never did the little country girl forget this rude rebuke, +although she very shortly learned that among cultivated and refined +people hair-brushes are considered private property. But however +cultivated externally the young lady was who thus rudely rebuffed even +the ignorance of her companion, her conduct showed a spirit uncultivated +in gentleness and kindness.</p> + +<p>It often happens in schools that some become general favorites because +perhaps they are blessed with good looks, or are able to dress with +good taste and becomingly, or are possessed of a certain piquancy of +manner and conversational powers which attract and entertain. There are +others equally good and talented who are not blessed with comeliness, +who are not bright and winning in conversation, who are awkward in dress +and manner. What kindness and considerateness is due from the more +favored to the less favored! How careful should school-girls, and not +school-girls only, but everybody be to extend courtesy and kindness to +those of their number who are apt to be neglected, to be left lonely and +forgotten while more favored ones enjoy special pleasures! I do not mean +by this that we are to be equally intimate and equally fond of all our +daily associates, but we ought to be equally kind. Our especial +endearments and kindnesses and attentions to our particular friends +ought to be in a measure kept for private expression, so that we may not +wound the feelings of those less attractive, or less endowed with bodily +and mental graces, by contrast or comparison.</p> + +<p>To aid us in cultivating this spirit of kindness, no maxim is more +useful than that laid down by Christ: "Whatsoever ye would that others +should do unto you, do ye even so unto them." One of the best tests we +can apply to ourselves is to imagine ourselves in the place of others. +Suppose we were conscious of homely features, ungainly forms and awkward +manners, or of lack of information or knowledge; suppose we were in such +straitened circumstances that we were obliged to wear coarse, cheap, +unsuitable or unbecoming garments how would we feel and how would we +wish to be treated? And if we find within ourselves an unwillingness to +be judged by this standard, or to conform our conduct to it, then we +should realize that we do wrong, that we are wrong in spirit. Then +should come the conscious effort to do right, to change our spirit from +selfishness to unselfishness, from unkindness to kindness. This is the +work that no human being can do for us. Every individual soul must pass +through that struggle alone. Whenever we are conscious of the necessity +of a decision between doing right and doing wrong, even though we may +feel indisposed to do the right and disposed to do the wrong, yet if we +can <i>will</i> to do the right we have taken a step toward God and heaven; +we have begun the unfolding of the moral and spiritual nature.</p> + +<p>Now I have before said that an intellectual culture may be, so to speak, +veneered upon us, but a spiritual culture must come from within outward. +In botany you learn of two kinds of plants—those which grow by external +accretions, as bulbs, which, are called exogenous? and plants which +grow within outward, which are called endogenous A great philosopher has +said that "man is that noble endogenous plant which grows, like the +palm, from within outward." The culture of the heart and the growth of +the spiritual nature is wholly individual; it depends on ourselves +alone. Parents and teachers can furnish the surroundings and the +accessories which they hope will most help to nourish this spiritual +growth, but they can do no more. And often how bitterly are they +disappointed when they see that, in spite of admonition and instruction +and entreaty and example, and every external help and incentive, the +inner nature, the heart, the soul of child or pupil is not assimilating +spiritual truth, is not growing "in grace and in the nurture and +admonition of the Lord."</p> + +<p>And now I pass from the consideration of that experience which is the +foundation of a lovely character to consider some of the forms of +outward expression of this inward character. I have said that we may +feel indisposed to do right; we may really prefer and like best the +wrong; nevertheless if we <i>will</i> to do what is right we have gained a +victory. So it may be a great help to us in gaining this inward victory +to familiarize ourselves with rules for conduct or expression. Suppose, +for instance we know we are liable to give way to bad tempers and to +speak hastily and harshly. We may even feel that it is a relief to speak +thus hastily or harshly, but if we <i>will</i> to control our tempers we may +find a great help in resolving never to speak in a loud or harsh tone of +voice. You all know that the scolding or quarreling tone of voice is +loud and harsh. If we resolve never to allow ourselves to use this tone, +it will help us to control our tempers, and it will also be an +obedience to one of the rules of good manners.</p> + +<p>We call a well-mannered person a cultivated person; and this culture +consists mainly in kindness and gentleness of manner, in self-restraint, +and in unobtrusiveness The real reason for every true rule of good +manners is some moral reason. The true reason why we are forbidden by +good manners to do certain things is that the doing of such things gives +pain or causes inconvenience to some one. Why do the rules of good +manners forbid the slamming of doors, or noisy running along halls or up +and down stairs, or loud talking or boisterous laughter? Because such +noises inflict pain on those who hear them, if they are of refined +sensibilities. For the same reason it is bad manners to drum on a piano, +or to drum on table or desk or chair, or to shuffle the feet, or to make +any noise that distracts or obtrudes. Why is it bad manners to come +late to meals, to be unpunctual, to keep people waiting? Because we +inflict pain and inconvenience upon those who are in a certain measure +dependent for their comfort on our promptness and punctuality. Why is it +bad manners to sprawl in one's seat, to assume ungainly attitudes, to +make grimaces, or to munch peanuts or apples in the cars or in public +places? For the same reason. We make those who witness such conduct +uncomfortable, and inflict pain upon them.</p> + +<p>One very common cause of discomfort and pain caused by young people to +their parents and teachers is want of thoughtfulness and consideration. +For one-half the faults for which young people need to be reproved the +reply is, "I didn't think." Now, while we cannot expect young folks to +exercise the thoughtfulness and judgment of maturer people, we certainly +have a right to expect that they will endeavor to acquire a habit of +thoughtfulness in regard to the convenience and interests of others. It +is this want of thoughtfulness that often betrays young people into +doing very improper and injurious things. Parents and teachers are +constantly troubled by finding that their children and pupils do things +which they never thought of forbidding them to do. That which all good +and faithful teachers strive to do is to develop in their pupils such a +sense of propriety and thoughtfulness and such a high moral sense as +will make them <i>a law for right unto themselves</i>. They want to cultivate +and to see them cultivating in themselves a strong practical +common-sense and a wise sense of propriety. Without such common-sense +and innate sense of propriety, the longest set of rules would be +useless. For instance, if your teachers were to set about making a set +of rules do you suppose any one of them would have thought of making +such rules as: "Young ladies are not permitted to go to the roof of the +house and sit with their feet dangling over the railings of the +balcony;" or "Young ladies must not go into people's pastures and catch +their ponies to go riding;" or "When young ladies are out riding in a +buggy it is not allowable for one of the young ladies to ride on the +horse which the others are driving."</p> + +<p>A hundred rules might be gotten up forbidding the doing of a hundred +things, the only evil of which is that they are outlandish and +unbecoming; not modest, or ill-mannered, and behind which there is no +evil intent—only thoughtlessness. The same endowment of common sense +ought to teach young people to do those things which will promote their +health, and not to do those things which would injure it. The greatest +blessing to a young person, especially to a young woman, is good +health; but unless she will take care of it herself, it is an almost +hopeless task to attempt to take care of it for her. You may have heard +the somewhat slangy expression sometimes made about stupid and conceited +young men, that they "don't know enough to come in when it rains." It +is, however, an almost just complaint of many a pretty and otherwise +sensible young woman that she apparently doesn't know enough to put on +overshoes when it rains, or to change thin clothing for thick when it +grows cold. There is needed among young girls everywhere such a +development of common-sense as will prevent this senseless and +thoughtless conduct.</p> + +<p>And now let us consider some of the rewards that will come to those who +give attention to the culture of the spirit. Emerson says that "it is +our manners that associate us," and this is one of his truest +observations. We all wish, or we all should wish, to become fitted for +association with the good, the refined, the intelligent, the cultivated, +with those who have a noble purpose in life. Into such society there is +but one passport—intelligence, and gentle, quiet, cultivated manners, +coupled with a like noble and earnest purpose. Possessed of these, any +person may be sure of a welcome in the best society, however plain in +appearance or dress. Wanting in these, good looks and fine dress are of +no avail to secure the coveted association. Remember I am now speaking +of the society of intellectual, refined, and cultivated people, and not +of mere fashionable society. But to gain friendly and equal access to +this best society, the culture of heart and mind must be genuine; it +must be thorough, deep, sincere. The young person whose education of +mind and heart is shallow and superficial, who has no definite aim in +life, may well fear to submit to the critical tests sure to be applied +by such society.</p> + +<p>I cannot better illustrate my meaning than by relating to you two +incidents that have come under my own personal observation. You all know +that in our old Eastern cities, which have so long been the homes of +wealth and learning, is to be found a society almost unequalled for its +high standard of intellectual culture and refined manners as well as for +beneficent actions. Two young Western women whom I have known, aspired +to gain access to and meet with recognition in a certain famous circle +of such people in one of these Eastern cities. Both young women were +graduates of Western universities, and had had really exceptional +advantages for acquiring a thorough collegiate education. One had been +surrounded by every possible helpful condition. Fond parents, possessed +of abundance of this world's goods, and admiring friends, had done +everything in their power to secure for her freedom from all other cares +while she was pursuing her studies. Being thus helped and petted and +praised and encouraged she seemed to feel that all circumstances and +everybody's convenience and comfort must give way for her plans and +interests. The other young girl was the eldest daughter of a poor widow. +She struggled through the university by teaching in vacation; renting a +poor little room in the town where the university was situated, and +cooking her own food, doing her own washing and ironing, living in the +plainest way, wearing cheap clothing, and eating the plainest food, +while she was pursuing her studies. Her struggles with poverty and +bitter circumstances taught her sympathy and kindness and helpfulness; +and though she was plain, very plain, in face and figure, the gentle +kindness of her spirit was apparent to all. As time passed on after +their graduation, both of these young women gained the goal of their +hopes and ambitions: an introduction to this brilliant and cultivated +circle of people through certain literary clubs. And furthermore, both +secured an invitation to read a paper before the same literary society +during the same winter. The first-named young lady was visiting friends, +while the second had secured a position as teacher. When the first young +lady appeared before the society, her dress of velvet, point lace, and +diamonds, was so striking as to be obtrusive. Her paper was fairly good, +but contained nothing of any permanent value. Her self-consciousness and +evident desire to be conspicuous had the effect of repelling the earnest +and thoughtful men and women who composed the society. Her essay and +herself were alike quietly dropped; and to this day she cannot +understand why. She calls the members of the society proud, haughty, and +exclusive, and denounces the city where these people live as pedantic, +disagreeable, and unsocial. Before this same club came our quiet, +unostentatious, plain young friend of the toilsome life. Her dress was +as plain as her face, but her paper was rich in information and filled +with the results of a deep and earnest observation. Around her gathered +the good men and women who knew how to appreciate such a spirit, and +from thenceforward she was one of them. Every winter since the reading +of her first essay I have found her name among the list of those who are +leaders in the world of thought and of benevolent action. With pride in +the success, of a genuine Western girl, I have often observed her name +among the invited guests present at receptions given to distinguished +authors and philanthropists both of our own country and of Europe. Why +did she succeed against such odds, when the other failed with all her +advantages? Simply because she was possessed of the true, deep, thorough +genuine culture, both of mind and heart, which alone associates, the +best people together. To her, "plain living and high thinking" was a +life-long practice, and she was at home and happy with the good and the +learned.</p> + +<p>Would you be prepared to attain a like reward? Cultivate her spirit; +imitate her example.</p> + + +<hr style="width: 95%;" /> +<h2>ADVERTISEMENTS</h2> +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<h2><a name="WE_TWO_ALONE_IN_EUROPE" id="WE_TWO_ALONE_IN_EUROPE" />WE TWO ALONE IN EUROPE.</h2> + +<p class="center">By MARY L. NINDE. Illustrated from Original Designs.</p> + +<p class="center">12MO., 348 PAGES. PRICE $1.50.</p> + + +<p>The foreign travels which gave rise to this volume were of a novel and +perhaps unprecedented kind. Two young American girls started for "the +grand tour" with the father of one of them, and, he being compelled to +return home from London, they were courageous enough to continue their +journeyings alone. They spent two years in travel—going as far north as +the North Cape and south to the Nile, and including in their itinerary +St. Petersburgh and Moscow. Miss Ninde's narrative is written in a fresh +and sprightly but unsensational style, which, with the unusual +experiences portrayed, renders the work quite unlike the ordinary books +of travel.</p> + + +<p>"In these days when letters and books about travels in Europe have +become generally monotonous, to say the least, it is absolutely +refreshing to get hold of a bright, original book like 'We Two Alone in +Europe.' ... The book is especially interesting for its fresh, bright +observations on manners, customs, and objects of interest as viewed +through these young girls' eyes, and the charming spice of adventure +running through it."</p> + +<p>—<i>Home Journal, Boston.</i></p> + + +<p>"It is filled with so many interesting glimpses of sights and scenes in +many lands as to render it thoroughly entertaining."</p> + +<p>—<i>Congregationalism Boston.</i></p> + + +<p>"As the work of a bright American girl, the book is sure to command wide +attention. The volume is handsomely bound and copiously illustrated with +views drawn, if we mistake not, by the author's own fair hands, so well +do they accord with the vivacious spirit of her narrative."</p> + +<p>—<i>Times, Troy, New York.</i></p> + + +<p class="center"><i>Sold by all booksellers, or mailed, on receipt of price, by</i><br /> +JANSEN, MCCLURG, & CO., PUBLISHERS,<br /> +COR. WABASH AVE. AND MADISON ST., CHICAGO.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="BIOGRAPHIES_OF_MUSICIANS" id="BIOGRAPHIES_OF_MUSICIANS" />BIOGRAPHIES OF MUSICIANS.</h2> + +<p class="center"> +LIFE OF LISZT. With Portrait.<br /> +LIFE OF HAYDN. With Portrait.<br /> +LIFE OF MOZART. With Portrait.<br /> +LIFE OF WAGNER. With Portrait.<br /> +LIFE OF BEETHOVEN. With Portrait.<br /> +</p> + +<p class="center"><i>from the German of Dr. Louis Nohl</i></p> + + +<div class='center'> +<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Prices"> +<tr><td align='left'>In cloth, per volume</td><td align='right'>$1.00</td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>The same, in neat box, per set</td><td align='right'>5.00</td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>In half calf, per set</td><td align='right'>12.50</td></tr> +</table></div> + +<p>Of the "Life of Liszt," the <i>Herald</i> (Boston) says: "It is written in +great simplicity and perfect taste, and is wholly successful in all that +it undertakes to portray."</p> + +<p>Of the "Life of Haydn," the <i>Gazette</i> (Boston) says: "No fuller history +of Haydn's career, the society in which he moved, and of his personal +life can be found than is given in this work."</p> + +<p>Of the "Life of Mozart," the <i>Standard</i> says: "Mozart supplies a +fascinating subject for biographical treatment. He lives in these pages +somewhat as the world saw him, from his marvellous boyhood till his +untimely death."</p> + +<p>Of the "Life of Wagner," the <i>American</i> (Baltimore) says: "It gives in +vigorous outlines those events of the life of the tone poet which +exercised the greatest influences upon his artistic career."</p> + +<p>Of the "Life of Beethoven," the <i>National Journal of Education</i> says: +"Beethoven was great and noble as a man, and his artistic creations were +in harmony with his great nature. The story of his life is of the +deepest interest."</p> + +<p class="center"><i>Sold by all booksellers, or mailed, on receipt of price, by</i><br /> +JANSEN, MCCLURG, & CO., PUBLISHERS,<br /> +COR. WABASH AVE. AND MADISON ST., CHICAGO.</p> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="SHORT_HISTORY_OF_FRANCE_FOR_YOUNG_PEOPLE_By_Miss_ES_KIRKLAND" id="SHORT_HISTORY_OF_FRANCE_FOR_YOUNG_PEOPLE_By_Miss_ES_KIRKLAND" />SHORT HISTORY OF FRANCE, FOR YOUNG PEOPLE, By Miss E.S. KIRKLAND,</h2> +<p class="center">author of "Six Little Cooks," "Dora's Housekeeping," etc.</p> + +<p class="center">12MO., EXTRA, CLOTH, BLACK AND GILT, $1.25.</p> + +<p>"The narrative is not dry on a single page, and the little history may +be commended as the best of its kind that has yet appeared,"</p> + +<p>—<i>Bulletin, Philadelphia.</i></p> + + +<p>"A book both instructive and entertaining. It is not a dry compendium of +dates and facts, but a charmingly written history."</p> + +<p>—<i>Christian Union, New York.</i></p> + + +<p>"After a careful examination of its contents, we are able to +conscientiously give it our heartiest commendation. We know no +elementary history of France that can at all be compared with it."</p> + +<p>—<i>Living Church.</i></p> + + +<p>"A spirited and entertaining sketch of the French people and +nation,—one that will seize and hold the attention of all bright boys +and girls who have a chance to read it."</p> + +<p>—<i>Sunday Afternoon, Springfield (Mass.).</i></p> + + +<p>"We find its descriptions universally good, that it is admirably simple +and direct in style, without waste of words or timidity of opinion. The +book represents a great deal of patient labor and conscientious study."</p> + +<p>—<i>Courant, Hartford (Conn.).</i></p> + + +<p>"Miss Kirkland has composed her 'Short History of France' in the way in +which a history for young people ought to be written; that is, she has +aimed to present a consecutive and agreeable story, from which the +reader can not only learn the names of kings and the succession of +events, but can also receive a vivid and permanent impression as to the +characters, modes of life, and the spirit of different people."</p> + +<p>—<i>The Nation, New York.</i></p> + + +<p class="center"><i>Sold by all booksellers, or mailed, on receipt of price, by</i><br /> +JANSEN, MCCLURG, & CO., PUBLISHERS,<br /> +COR. WABASH AVE. AND MADISON ST., CHICAGO.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="FAMILIAR_TALKS_ON_ENGLISH_LITERATURE_A_Manual_embracing_the_Great" id="FAMILIAR_TALKS_ON_ENGLISH_LITERATURE_A_Manual_embracing_the_Great" />FAMILIAR TALKS ON ENGLISH LITERATURE.</h2> +<p>A Manual embracing the Great Epochs of English Literature, from the English conquest of Britain, 449, +to the death of Walter Scott, 1832. By ABBY SAGE RICHARDSON. Fourth +edition, revised. Price $1.50.</p> + +<p>THE BOSTON TRANSCRIPT SAYS:</p> + +<blockquote><p>"The work shows thorough study and excellent judgment, and we can + warmly recommend it to schools and private classes for reading as an + admirable text-book."</p></blockquote> + + +<p>THE NEW YORK EVENING MAIL SAYS:</p> + +<blockquote><p>"What the author proposed to do was to convey to her readers a clear + idea of the variety, extent, and richness of English literature.... + She has done just what she intended to do, and done it well."</p></blockquote> + + +<p>THE NEW YORK NATION SAYS:</p> + +<blockquote><p>"It is refreshing to find a book designed for young readers which + seeks to give only what will accomplish the real aim of the study: + namely, to excite an interest in English literature, cultivate a + taste for what is best in it, and thus lay a foundation on which + they can build after reading."</p></blockquote> + + +<p>PROF. MOSES COIT TYLER SAYS:</p> + +<blockquote><p>"I have had real satisfaction in looking over the book. There are + some opinions with which I do not agree; but the main thing about + the book is a good thing; namely its hearty, wholesome love of + English literature, and the honest, unpretending, but genial and + conversational, manner in which that love is uttered. It is a + charming book to read, and it will breed in its readers the appetite + to read English literature for themselves."</p></blockquote> + + +<p class="center"><i>Sold by all booksellers, or mailed, on receipt of price, by</i><br /> +JANSEN, MCCLURG, & CO., PUBLISHERS,<br /> +COR. WABASH AVE. AND MADISON ST., CHICAGO.</p> +<hr style="width: 95%;" /> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Letters to a Daughter and A Little +Sermon to School Girls, by Helen Ekin Starrett + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LETTERS TO A DAUGHTER *** + +***** This file should be named 15419-h.htm or 15419-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/5/4/1/15419/ + +Produced by Juliet Sutherland, Melissa Er-Raqabi and the +PG Online Distributed Proofreading Team at +https://www.pgdp.net. + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Letters to a Daughter and A Little Sermon to School Girls + +Author: Helen Ekin Starrett + +Release Date: March 20, 2005 [EBook #15419] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LETTERS TO A DAUGHTER *** + + + + +Produced by Juliet Sutherland, Melissa Er-Raqabi and the +PG Online Distributed Proofreading Team at +https://www.pgdp.net. + + + + + +LETTERS TO A DAUGHTER +AND +A LITTLE SERMON TO SCHOOL-GIRLS. + + +BY +HELEN EKIN STARRETT, + +Author of "The Future of Educated Women," etc. + +CHICAGO: +JANSEN, McCLURG, & COMPANY. +1886. + + + + +COPYRIGHT, +BY JANSEN, MCCLURG, & CO. +A.D. 1885. + + + + +CONTENTS. + +LETTER I. BEHAVIOR AND MANNERS 5 +LETTER II. SELF-CONTROL AND SELF-CULTURE 16 +LETTER III. AIMS IN LIFE 27 +LETTER IV. PERSONAL HABITS 35 +LETTER V. SOCIETY--CONVERSATION 46 +LETTER VI. ASSOCIATES AND FRIENDS 59 +LETTER VII. TACT--UNOBTRUSIVENESS 71 +LETTER VIII. WHO ARE THE CULTIVATED? 81 +LETTER IX. RELIGIOUS CULTURE AND DUTY 88 + +A LITTLE SERMON TO SCHOOL-GIRLS 101 + + + + +LETTERS TO A DAUGHTER. + +LETTER I. + +BEHAVIOR AND MANNERS. + + +_My Dear Daughter:_--One of the greatest blessings I could wish for you, +as you pass out from the guardianship of home into life with its duties +and trials, is that you should possess the power of winning love and +friends. With this power, the poor girl is rich; without it, the richest +girl is poor. In the main, this power of winning friends and love +depends upon two things: behavior and manners. Between these there is an +important distinction, but one is the outgrowth of the other. The root +of good manners is good behavior. Consider with me for a little what +each implies. + +Behavior is a revealer of real character. It has especially to do with +the more serious duties and relations of life. Its greatest importance +is in the home. How well do I remember a visit, made in my youth, to a +school friend whom I had learned to admire greatly for her superior +intellect, quick wit, power of acquiring knowledge, and ability to +recite well in class. In her home she was rude and disrespectful and +even disobedient to her parents; cross and sarcastic with her brothers +and sisters; selfish and indolent in all matters pertaining to the work +of the household. What a disenchantment was my experience! That great +and good man, who has written so many noble precepts about the conduct +of life, Mr. Emerson, in speaking of and praising a noble citizen, says: +"Never was such force, good meaning, good sense, good action, combined +with such lovely domestic behavior, such modesty, and persistent +preference for others." This was what was lacking in my school friend: +lovely domestic behavior. Nothing could compensate for this deficiency. + +What was needed in this young girl in order that she might have +exhibited in her daily life a "lovely domestic behavior"? An almost +total reconstruction of character; such a cultivation of the moral sense +as would have made it a matter of conscience with her to "honor her +father and mother," to be respectful to them and desirous of pleasing +and serving them. Selfishness was the main cause of her ill-treatment of +her brothers and sisters, as it was of her indolence, and her +indifference to the performance of her share of the household duties. +Her behavior in the home was such that she repelled, rather than +attracted, affection. Her own personal preference, mood, feeling, were +constantly allowed to control her conduct; and the deep underlying +deficiency in her character was lack of a tender conscience and of a +sense of duty. + +Lovely domestic behavior is the natural outgrowth and expression of a +beautiful, harmonious, and lovely character In order to behave +beautifully, we must cultivate assiduously the graces of the spirit. We +must persistently strive against selfishness, ill-temper irritability, +indolence. It is impossible for the selfish or ill-tempered girl to win +love and friends. Generosity, kindness, self-denial, industry--these are +the traits which inspire love and win friends. These are the graces that +will make the humblest home beautiful and happy, and without which the +costliest mansion is a mere empty shell. + +One more point in regard to behavior I wish to impress upon your mind as +of very great importance, although it relates less to the home and more +to general society. I mean that of modest behavior as distinguished +from forwardness and boldness. One of the greatest charms of young +girlhood is modesty; one of the greatest blemishes in the character of +any young person, especially of any young girl or woman, is forwardness, +boldness, pertness. The young girl who acts in such a manner as to +attract attention in public; who speaks loudly, and jokes and laughs and +tells stories in order to be heard by others than her immediate +companions; who dresses conspicuously; who enjoys being the object of +remark; who expresses opinions on all subjects with forward +self-confidence, is rightly regarded by all thoughtful and cultivated +people as one of the most disagreeable and obnoxious characters to be +met with in society. Modesty is one of the loveliest of graces, and +should be constantly cultivated. + +And now you will see what I mean by saying that the root of good +manners is good behavior. In other words, good manners have their time +and living root in moral qualities and the Christian graces. There is a +certain surface display of manners which may be acquired and which may +deceive and pass with those who do not know us intimately; but there is +all the difference between such superficial good manners and those which +are real, that there is between the cut bouquet of flowers which +delights for an hour or two and then withers away, and the living, +growing plant which constantly delights us with fresh beauty and bloom. + +What are the characteristics of the agreeable and beautiful manners that +are the ornament and charm of the well-behaved girl? First we should +place gentleness, quietness, and serenity or self-possession. It has +been well said by an observing social critic, that the person who has +no manners at all has good manners. What is meant by this, and there is +a deep truth in it, is that gentle and quiet manners do not attract +attention at all. Their greatest charm is their unobtrusiveness, just as +the charm and distinguishing mark of a well-dressed person is that the +dress is not striking or obtrusive. You can infer from this how +inconsistent with good manners is heat and exaggeration in conversation. +It is a just complaint among refined and cultivated people that many, +even of the well-educated young women of the present day, talk too +loudly and vehemently; are given to exaggeration of statement and slang +expressions. The greatest blemish of the conversation and manners of the +young people of to-day is obtrusiveness and exaggeration. By +obtrusiveness I mean a style of speech and manners that attracts +attention and remark; by exaggeration I mean the too constant use of +the superlative in conversation, and a certain incongruity and +inappropriateness of expression which is very offensive to the +cultivated taste. Such expressions as "perfectly awful," "perfectly +beautiful," "too lovely for anything," "hateful," "horrible," may +constantly be heard in conversation upon trivial and unimportant +subjects in companies of young people whose educational opportunities +and social advantages would lead us to expect a very different style of +conversation. So of incongruous and inappropriate expressions. "My +grandfather and grandmother died on the same day of the year? wasn't it +funny?" said a young miss to a companion She meant that it was a strange +circumstance or coincidence. It was the wise remark of a great man that +"culture kills exaggeration." True and careful culture should also weed +out from our beautiful and expressive English language all such +incongruities and blemishes of speech as I have indicated. + +Referring once more to what I have said about obtrusiveness, +forwardness, or boldness, being an unpleasant characteristic of the +manners of many young people of the present day, I want to impress upon +you that much of this boldness arises from lack of deference or +reverence for parents, teachers, and older people. This lack of +deference is a great defect of character in any young person. It is +painfully noticeable in many homes where children never seem to think of +paying any respect to the presence of their parents or older people; +where they will monopolize conversation at table, interrupt their +parents and guests to ask irrelevant questions or relate irrelevant +incidents, enter a room abruptly, and, without waiting to learn whether +any one is speaking, at once begin to speak of something pertaining to +their own affairs. All this is bad behavior and bad manners. It is +morally wrong as well. God has commanded that we shall honor our father +and mother; and one beautiful precept of scripture is, "Thou shalt rise +up before the hoary head and honor the face of the old man." + +To sum up in the short space of one letter the more important truths I +would impress upon your mind in regard to behavior and manners, let me +say this: There are good manuals of etiquette and social form which +should be read and studied by all young people. There are, also, +constant opportunities for observation of the conduct and manners of +polite people, by which young people may and should profit and learn to +observe the outward forms of society. These are easily learned and +practiced; but the finest, best, most genuine good manners can never be +acquired except as they become the natural expression of gentleness, +kindness intelligence, respect for parents and elders, and an earnest +desire to do good to our fellow beings. Strive, my dear child, to +cherish these graces in your heart, and good behavior and good manners +will naturally follow. + + + + +LETTER II. + +SELF-CONTROL AND SELF-CULTURE. + + +_My Dear Daughter:_--One great and difficult lesson is given to each of +us to learn in this life, which must be learned if we ever hope to live +happy or useful lives. It is the lesson of self-control. Parents and +teachers and circumstances may help or hinder in the learning of this +lesson; but it depends mainly upon yourself, upon your own individual +will, whether you shall learn it or not. It is the first lesson which +wise parents and teachers strive to teach a child. It is the +fundamental, the all-important lesson of life. It extends to every +department of our nature and affects every act and-event of our lives. +Take notice with me how the possession or non-possession of the power of +self-control affects the lives of young people in a few particulars. + +Certain self-evident duties are imposed upon every rational being. One +of the first of these is the duty of being usefully employed a large +portion of our time. It is probable that nearly all young people have a +certain dislike for work, and self-control must come in to help them do +the work that belongs to them to do. It may help you in acquiring this +self-control to reflect often what a really great thing it is to be able +to compel yourself to do from a sense of duty what you are naturally +disinclined to do? also what an unworthy and, indeed, contemptible thing +it is not to be able to make yourself do what you know you ought to do. +You are perhaps disinclined, for instance, to rise when you should in +the morning. You feel disposed to indulge your ease and comfort, and to +lie in bed when you know you should be awake and preparing for the day. +Here is one of the very instances in which if you will learn to control +and compel yourself you will soon reap substantial reward. The more you +indulge yourself, the harder does the task of rising and getting ready +for the day become. But say to yourself, "I will waken right away," rise +and walk around a little, and you will be surprised to find how soon the +habit of prompt rising will become easy. You have your morning duties to +perform, or your lessons to learn. If you say to yourself, when it is +time you should begin, "I will not loiter, but immediately set about my +work or study," you will find in the very act and determination a help +and strength, and pleasure even, which you can never imagine before you +have experienced it. God has so made us that in the very performance of +duty, however trivial, there is a reward and strength and a very high +kind of pleasure. But we need firm self-control to compel ourselves +thus to do our duty. I shall rejoice if any words of mine lead you to +test for yourself the truth of what I have said. + +Self-control should extend to our speech, temper, and pleasures. To be +able to control the tongue is rightly esteemed one of the greatest of +moral achievements. You remember what the apostle James says, that "if +any man offend not in word, the same is a perfect man, and able also to +bridle [control] the whole body." It is so easy to say cross or unkind +words; so easy to make slighting or gossiping remarks about companions +or friends; so hard to efface the painful effects of such hasty or +ill-considered speech. It is so easy to make a petulant or disrespectful +reply to parents or teachers when they reprove; so much harder, yet so +much better, to acknowledge a fault and feel and express sorrow for +wrong-doing. Your own conscience and consciousness tell you how much +happier you feel when you have done the latter. Yet you need, over and +over again, to fortify yourself against temptation to hasty or +ill-natured or improper speech by determining beforehand that you will +not give way to the temptation; that you will control yourself. And +whenever you have allowed yourself to be overcome by such temptation you +should make it the occasion of serious reflection and earnest resolve to +be more guarded in future. You will have attained a great deal in the +direction of high and noble character when you have learned to control +your speech. It is the same in regard to controlling your temper. But +there is one truth of which I can assure you: If you will learn to be +silent and not speak at all when you feel that your temper is getting or +has gotten the better of you, you will soon get the better of your +temper. There is no such efficient discipline for a hasty temper as +determined, self-imposed silence. Then, too, there is a dignity about +silence under provocation that is impressive and effective. The greatest +disadvantage at which any person can be placed in the eyes of companions +and friends is that of losing control of one's tongue as well as of +one's temper. In nearly every case where we receive provocation or +affront, speech may be silver, but "silence is golden." The person who +keeps control of his temper controls everyone. + +Self-control, once acquired, will be the most important factor in +helping to shape your life rightly in every direction It will keep you +from hurtful indulgence in mere pleasure; from harmful indulgence in +rich or improper foods; from too much dissipation of time and thought in +social enjoyment It will help you to leave the society of companions and +other pleasures in order to put your mind upon your studies or your +tasks; help you, when you find lessons hard and long, and that earnest +work is required to learn them, to perform that long and earnest work; +help you, when you feel disposed to give way to indisposition or +indolence, to hold steadily on till your tasks, no matter what they are, +are accomplished. + +And as good behavior is the root of good manners, so self-control is the +root of all true self-culture. We hear a great deal now-a-days about +culture, cultured people, cultivated society, etc., and it is a good and +natural wish to possess culture and to be classed among cultured people. +Intelligence and good manners are the only passport into the charmed +circle. Self-control will enable us to become possessed of both. It will +enable us to restrain ourselves from all rude, loud, hasty, ungentle +speech and action, help us to modulate our voices, and even cultivate +our laughter. It will also enable us, through mental application and +effort, to acquire knowledge. So abundant are the intellectual treasures +now brought within the reach of everyone by the cheapness of standard +educational works of every kind, that the young person who is not +intelligent through reading and study has only himself or herself to +blame. Self-control will help you to study and learn faithfully when you +are in school; it will help you to decide upon and carry out some useful +course of reading and study if you are not in school; and this, even +though you have many other duties to perform. In every town and village +may be found persons competent to advise and direct courses of study and +reading for those who have the energy to pursue them. You will have no +excuse at any period of your life for failure to progress and improve +intellectually, except your own inability to compel yourself to make +use of the opportunities that lie all around you. + +It is hardly necessary for me to remind you of what you know so well, +that in reading you should choose only the best books. We may without +harm divert the mind for a little each day by light miscellaneous +reading, but young people especially need to be warned against +indiscriminate novel or story reading. Here again the virtue of +self-control comes in to help do the right and avoid the wrong. If you +discover that your taste is more for the improbable highly-wrought pages +of fiction than for such works as are known to everyone as standard and +improving, let it be a sign to you that you should summon your +self-control and compel yourself to a different sort of reading. If you +find that you cannot relish or fix your mind upon standard works of +history biography, travel, or any of the many excellent books written +to bring scientific knowledge within the comprehension of the general +reader, then you may conclude rightly that your mind is in a very +uncultivated state. + +Your own efforts and determination--in other words, your power of +self-control--alone can effect anything worthy in self-culture. To +attain the power of self-control in a high degree is one of the greatest +and most important aims we can set before us in life. I do not believe +it can ever be attained in our own strength. To rightly control temper +and speech and conduct requires help from the divine Spirit which is +always around and over us, and within us, if we will but let our hearts +be receptive to its influences. The greatest possible help to +self-control is to learn in the moment of temptation to lift the heart +to God in earnest aspiration for His help and guidance. A sense of the +presence of God is always a strength, and help when we are conscious of +earnest effort to do right. The Bible says: "It is God that worketh in +you both to will and to do of his good pleasure." It is one of the great +mysteries and yet one of the most evident truths of life, that we must +work ourselves, and that God works in and with us, to accomplish any +good thing. That you may know and realize this truth, and learn to find +for yourself the comfort and support and strength of soul that comes +from seeking after God, is my most earnest hope and prayer for you. + + + + +LETTER III. + +AIMS IN LIFE. + + +_My Dear Daughter:_--There is no disputing the fact that in making plans +for life very different motives and aims influence young girls from +those which influence young men. Every right-minded and +affectionate-natured young girl looks forward to, and hopes most of all +to have, a home of her own, which it shall be her life-work to keep and +guide. To prepare herself rightly to fulfill all the duties that belong +to the mistress of a home, should be the one all-embracing aim of any +young girl's life; but with this should be other aims, which may help to +prepare her for vicissitudes, emergencies, or disasters, and also give +her worthy occupation and interest in life should she never be called +to the duties of a wife and mother. + +To speak first of preparation to become the mistress of a home, should +Providence have such a future in store. What qualities are needed to +insure that a woman shall be a happy home-keeper? Certainly, a good +temper, a cheerful disposition, a willingness to give time and thought +to the details of home-keeping, commonly called domestic cares, habits +of order and neatness, and good health, so that one may both give and +receive pleasure while discharging the duties of the home. + +This thought of a possible future home, the abode of love and happiness, +should be the greatest safeguard to every young girl in her acquaintance +and association with young men. A high ideal of the exclusiveness of +that affection which must be the foundation of every true and happy +home, should constrain every young girl to exercise the greatest +possible caution in regard to the advances of acquaintances of the +opposite sex. Not that there should be a prudish self-consciousness of +manner, or a disposition to suspect matrimonial intentions in every +young gentleman who is friendly and polite to her, but that all young +men should be firmly prevented from coming into any intimacy of +acquaintance or relationship that might cause unhappy and mortifying +reflection in after-time. Treat all young men kindly and respectfully, +if they are polite and respectful to you. Scorn to encourage any to make +advances which you know you will one day repel. But in discouraging such +advances, be kind and respectful. Never do or say anything wilfully to +wound and give pain to the feelings. Remember that the sharpest grief of +life, as well as its greatest happiness, is connected with the +love-making period in the life of all good young people, and never +treat with frivolity or rudeness any earnest feeling on the part of +anyone. The young girl who can rudely repulse the sincere advance of any +honorable young man has some defect in her moral and affectional nature +And as for any advance by a gentleman, young or old, that is not +respectful or sincere, a young girl is much to blame if it ever happens +more than once. Chaffing and teasing about beaux and courtship and +marriage are very unbecoming, and blur that delicacy of feeling which is +the greatest charm in the relation between young people of opposite +sexes. + +Cherishing as the happiest ideal of life the possible future home of +your own, you should still remember that it may never be yours, and +should make such other provision for living your life as shall help you +to the next best thing. The first and highest good, next after a home of +your own, is to be able to render to the world some service for which +it will pay you, thus making you independent and enabling you to shape +your life as you wish. You and all young girls of the present generation +are happy in having avenues of useful remunerative occupation open to +you on every hand, and society smiles and approves if you work at +something to win independence and make money. It is scarcely necessary +to remind you that in order to do effective paying work you must choose +some specialty and acquire skill in its exercise before you can hope to +earn any considerable wages or salary. While perfecting yourself in the +specialty you will have abundant opportunity to observe that it takes +patience, perseverance, and determination, to do any kind of work well. +One great reason why so many fail of making any success in life is that +they have not the power of sticking steadily to their work. They get +tired, and want to stop; whereas the true worker works though he is +tired--works till it doesn't tire him to work; works on, unheeding the +numerous temptations to turn aside to this or that diversion. There are +now so many fields of honorable and profitable employment open to young +girls that it is only necessary for you to choose what you will do. But +make a choice to do something useful and worthy of your powers. You will +be happier, and you will be a better and nobler woman, for so doing. You +will be spared the discontent and restlessness of spirit which +characterize the girl with nothing in particular to do, and who often +becomes on this account a nuisance to all earnest people around her. + +In order to fulfill aright the duties of any relation of life, the first +requirement the greatest necessity, next to a firm resolution and will, +is good health. Without good health there is no substantial foundation +for anything earthly. Good health is the fountain of human enjoyment and +the greatest of earthly riches. It is the great beautifier; it is the +great preservative of good looks. How strange, then, that so many girls +are so careless, so provokingly careless, of this priceless blessing! +How strange that they will wear clothing that they know tends to break +down their health; tight corsets that compress the lungs and spoil the +natural shape of the body; tight shoes that interfere with the +circulation of blood, and make their noses and hands red, and give them +predisposition to colds and coughs and nervous headaches, all of which +put to severe tests the patience and affection of those around them. +Good health is always attractive; ill-health, invalidism, nervousness, +are very apt to be repellant. Better good health than beauty, if one +were obliged to choose--which one is not, for good health is one of the +chief elements of beauty. + +So, if you aim first to be good and kind and intelligent and industrious +and skillful, so that you may be fitted to guide and adorn a home should +you be blessed with one, or to be fitted to shape your life to +usefulness and independence if you never have a home of your own, and if +in connection with these aims you seek to obtain and preserve good +health, you will, so far as this life is concerned, "be thoroughly +furnished unto all good works." You will become a noble woman, whose +adorning will be not alone of the outward appearance, but of the inner +life and of the soul--an adorning which, according to St. Paul, "is in +the sight of God of great price." + + + + +LETTER IV. + +PERSONAL HABITS. + + +_My Dear Daughter:_--The power of winning love and friends, which is +such a precious possession to all young people especially to young +girls, will, in connection with good behavior and good manners, depend +very largely upon certain personal habits, chief among which are order, +neatness, promptness, and cheerfulness. + +The girl or woman who is personally disorderly and untidy in her room +and dress puts a great strain upon the patience and affection of all +those associated with her who are possessed of refined and cultivated +tastes. In fact, I believe there is nothing so disenchanting, so +contrary to ideal young womanhood as a lack of neatness and tidiness in +person and dress. This wonderful physical organism with which we have +been endowed depends for its perfection and health and attractiveness +upon the care we give it. The teeth, the hair, the complexion, are all +dependent for their beauty--and it is quite right that we should strive +to make them beautiful--upon constant attention to those conditions +which insure their health and perfection. And the most important of +these conditions is cleanliness. At the present time, no young girl can +hope for recognition or welcome in refined and cultivated society, upon +whose teeth tartar and other discoloring deposits are allowed to +accumulate; whose breath is not pure and sweet; whose hair is muggy and +untidily kept; whose finger nails are neglected and dark at the edges. +These things may seem trifles, but they are not, for they are the +outward expression of an inward grace; all these marks really reveal +character. An untidy girl may be talented and good-tempered, but she +lacks one of the most essential qualities for gaining and retaining +respect and affection. + +The room of any young girl is a great revealer of character in respect +to real refinement and purity of taste, especially if one comes upon it +somewhat unawares. Not very long since, I was called by unexpected +circumstances to spend a day or two at the house of a friend, where, +owing to the severe illness of two members of the family, the spare +rooms were not available and I was without delay or warning shown to the +private room of a young lady member of the family. It was a low attic +room with a deep dormer window, and, seen unfurnished, might be regarded +as unattractive in size and shape. But the impression it made as I +entered and surveyed it was of refinement, beauty, repose, and purity. +The furniture was plain, but the bed was made up so beautifully, and +looked so inviting in its snowy covering that I did not notice whether +the bedstead was fine or plain. The carpet and papering of the room were +of light neutral tints, and the broad sloping walls which made the sides +of the dormer window were ornamented, the one with a long branch of +dogwood blossoms, the other with graceful groupings of poppies and swamp +grass, painted thereon by the occupant of the room herself. A wicker +rocking-chair had a cushion of bright-colored satine firmly tied in, and +matching the ribbons which were drawn through the bordering interstices +of the chair. A small table, another chair, a footstool, and two or +three simple pictures on the walls, along with wash-stand and bureau, +completed the furnishing of a room that instantly attracted and +delighted the beholder. But the impression above all others that the +room gave was of perfect purity and sweetness and health; and this was +due to the beautiful tidiness and cleanliness everywhere apparent. +Wash-stand and bureau were in perfect order, with their white mats, +clean towels, and every accessory of a refined lady's toilet. The wide +deep closet was filled with the appurtenances of a young lady's +wardrobe, but was strikingly neat and attractive. Shoes and slippers +were laid neatly in a certain place on the shelves; articles of clothing +that are usually difficult to dispose of in an orderly manner, all had +an appropriate place, and so neatly and tidily was everything arranged +that one felt sure the purity and order extended to the most secret +recesses of every place in the room. There was no danger in any +direction of coming upon anything that was not in keeping with the room +of a refined and delicate young girl. The drawers of bureau and +wash-stand, as I happened to have opportunity to observe them, were as +sweet and clean and orderly as the rest of the room. I felt better +acquainted with the character of that young girl after two days +occupation of her beautifully kept and appointed room than a year of +ordinary acquaintance would have given me. + +And while I am on the subject of an orderly and daintily kept room, let +me tell you that the modern bane of order and neatness in a house is too +many trivial and useless things, intended perhaps for ornament, but +confusing to the eye, offensive to good taste, and more effective for +catching dust than for anything else. The multiplication of cheap +picture-cards, wall-pockets, brackets, and all sorts of little useless +knicknacks, has helped on this confusion, till one is almost tempted to +regard them as nuisances. A few of these ornamental trifles, arranged +with an eye to a certain unity of design, may do very well; but, as +William Morris, the great apostle of true decorative art in England, has +said, "Better pure empty space than unworthy and confusing ornament." +You may have heard it related of the great naturalist, Thoreau, that he +made a collection of stones during his rambles, and placed them on his +writing-table; but when he found he had to dust them every day, he threw +them away. + +This same general principle applies to dress. Too many little trivial +ornaments will destroy the character and dignity of any costume. Better +one or two ornaments of good quality, or better none at all, than half a +dozen of poor quality. And in regard to a young girl's wardrobe, the +same fundamental rule prevails: if every article of apparel is not +daintily clean, it is unbecoming and unworthy a refined personality. +Soiled laces and soiled ribbons are to be shunned; but better +untidiness and soil of the outward apparel than of that which we know by +the general name of underwear, which is far more personal and important +than the outward costume. The more refined the character and taste of +any young girl, the more particular will she be in the matter of all +articles of apparel that are private to herself, that they shall at +least be daintily neat and clean. I need not say to you how +disenchanting it is to see a young lady's foot with a shoe half buttoned +because half the buttons are gone; or to see a slipper slip off and +disclose neglected and untidy hose. No young girl of proper self-respect +or refinement will ever tolerate any such blemishes in her wardrobe. + +Next in importance to habits of order and personal neatness comes the +habit of promptness. The girl who loiters and dawdles and keeps people +waiting, who is behindhand with her work as well as in keeping her +appointments, who is never ready at meal-time, but who is always ready +with some excuse for such annoying conduct, is a household nuisance, a +really painful trial to all who are brought into intimate relations with +her. How often have I wished it were possible to arouse the +consciousness of daughters in comfortable homes to the pain and +inconvenience they give their parents and friends by a habitual lack of +promptness! For my own part, I remember how my conscience was first +aroused, in my youth, on this point. I was reading a book written for +young girls by Jane Taylor--a writer I wish were in print now--when I +came across this instruction: "When you hear the bell ring for meals, +rise immediately, leave whatever you are doing, and at once go to the +table." Just as I was reading this sentence the bell rang, and I +immediately obeyed the summons. I noticed that my mother needed my help +in seating the younger children at the table and attending to their +wants, and I gave her my assistance. Somehow the meal seemed to pass off +more pleasantly than usual, and I felt my conscience prick me that I had +so often given my mother trouble by loitering and delaying at meal-time. +I resolved that henceforth I would be promptly on hand to help her. From +that time there was a marked change for the better in the ease with +which our family meals were served, and all because I was always +promptly on hand to help my mother. I do not know that she or any of the +family knew or noticed the reason, but I was very well aware of it. It +was really a kind of turning-point in my habits of life and usefulness +at home. To this day I never hear a bell ring for meals, without the +injunction of Jane Taylor coming into my mind: "Rise immediately, leave +whatever you are doing, and go at once to the table." I can assure you, +my child, it would add greatly to the comfort and happiness of many +houses, and greatly relieve many an overtaxed mother, if this good +old-fashioned direction were heeded not only by daughters but by other +members of the family also. + +And if now, in addition to these good habits, you cultivate the habit of +cheerfulness and earnestly guard against temptation to fretfulness, +moroseness, or impatience, you will be well started on the way towards a +useful and lovely womanhood. A good daughter in a home is a well-spring +of joy, an ever-fresh source of delight and consolation to her parents. +Especially is she the stay and support and strength of her mother, the +happiness of whose life depends so largely upon the respectful and +affectionate conduct and attentions of her children. + + + + +LETTER V. + +SOCIETY--CONVERSATION. + + +_My Dear Daughter:_--To give and receive pleasure in those pleasant +assemblages and meetings of acquaintances and friends known by the +general name of society, is one of the worthy minor aims of life. It is +one of the marks of an advancing state of intelligence and culture, when +an assemblage of gentlemen and ladies can pass delightful hours in the +mere interchange of thought in conversation. And while games and other +amusements may serve for a temporary variety (always excepting games +known as "kissing-games," which should be promptly tabooed and +denounced, and ever will be in truly refined society), yet animated and +intelligent conversation must always hold the first place in the list +of the pleasures of any refined society circle. + +How shall a young girl fit herself to enjoy and to afford enjoyment in +general society? Certainly the first requisites are intelligence, a good +knowledge of standard literature, a general knowledge of the more +important events that are taking place in the world, and such a +knowledge of the best current literature as may be obtained from the +regular reading of one or two of the standard monthly magazines. + +And here it may help you if I particularize a little in regard to a +knowledge of important events of the day and also of general and current +literature. Of course the main source of knowledge of the more important +events that are going on in the world is the daily or weekly newspaper; +and yet there is scarcely any reading so utterly demoralizing to good +mental habits as the ordinary daily paper. More than three-fourths of +the matter printed in the "great city dailies" is not only of no use to +anyone, but it is a positive damage to habits of mental application to +read it. It is a waste of time even to undertake to sift the important +from the unimportant. The most that any earnest person should attempt to +do with a daily paper is to glance over the headlines which give the +gist of the news, and then to read such editorial comments as enable the +reader to understand the more important events and affairs that are +transpiring in the world so that reference to them in conversation would +be intelligent and intelligible. But if one should never see a daily +paper, yet should every week carefully read a digest of news prepared +for a good weekly paper, one would be thoroughly furnished with all +necessary knowledge of contemporaneous events, and the time thus saved +from daily papers could be profitably employed in other reading. + +The field of literature is now so vast that no one can hope to be well +acquainted with more than a small portion of it. Yet every well-informed +young person should know the general character of the principal writers +since the time of Shakespere, even though one should never read their +works. You may remember how, in the recently finished novel of "The Rise +of Silas Lapham," the novelist, with a few sentences, shows how +ridiculous a really beautiful and amiable girl with a high-school +education may make herself in conversation by her lack of knowledge of +standard literature. She was telling a young gentleman where the +book-shelves were to be in the splendid new house being built by her +father, and suggesting that the shelves would look nice if the books had +nice bindings. + +"'Of course, I presume,' said Irene, thoughtfully, 'we shall have to +have Gibbon.' + +"'If you want to read him,' said Corey, with a laugh of sympathy for an +imaginable joke. + +"'We had a good deal about him in school. I believe we had one of his +books. Mine's lost, but Pen will remember.' + +"The young man looked at her, and then said seriously, 'You'll want +Green, of course, and Motley, and Parkman.' + +"'Yes. What kind of writers are they?' + +"'They're historians, too.' + +"'Oh, yes; I remember now. That's what Gibbon was. Is it Gibbon or +Gibbons?' + +"The young man decided the point with apparently superfluous delicacy. +'Gibbon, I think.' + +"'There used to be so many of them,' said Irene, gaily. 'I used to get +them mixed up with each other, and I couldn't tell them from the poets. +Should you want to have poetry?' + +"'Yes. I suppose some edition of the English poets.' + +"'We don't any of us like poetry. Do you like it?' + +"'I'm afraid I don't, very much,' Corey owned. 'But of course there was +a time when Tennyson was a great deal more to me than he is now.' + +"'We had something about him at school, too. I think I remember the +name. I think we ought to have all the American poets.' + +"'Well, not all. Five or six of the best; you want Longfellow, and +Bryant, and Whittier, and Emerson, and Lowell.' + +"'And Shakespere,' she added. 'Don't you like Shakespere's plays?... We +had ever so much about Shakespere. Weren't you perfectly astonished when +you found out how many other plays there were of his? I always thought +there was nothing but "Hamlet," and "Romeo and Juliet," and "Macbeth," +and "Richard III.," and "King Lear," and that one that Robson and Crane +have--oh, yes, "Comedy of Errors!"'" + +So you see how ridiculous this young girl, by the betrayal of such +ignorance, made herself in conversation with a cultured young gentleman +whose good opinion she was most anxious to win. And yet, to talk too +much about books is not well; it often marks the pedantic and egotistic +character. It is safe to say that unless one happens to meet a very +congenial mind among conversers in general society, to introduce the +subject of books is liable to be misconstrued. It is not very long since +another popular modern novelist held up to scorn and ridicule the young +woman whose particular ambition seemed to be to let society know what an +immense number of books she had been reading. Nevertheless, one must +have a good groundwork of knowledge of books in order to avoid mistakes +such as poor Irene made in talking with young Corey. + +Directions and suggestions for aiding young people to become agreeable +and pleasant conversers must necessarily be mainly negative. Taken for +granted that a young person possesses animation good sense, +intelligence, and a genuine interest in her companions and the world +around her; is observing, and can speak grammatically without +hesitating; knows the difference between "you and I" and "you and me" +(which I am sorry to say a great many young girls of my acquaintance do +not, for I constantly hear them saying, "He brought you and I a +bouquet," or, "You and me are invited to tea this evening"), she can +almost certainly be a pleasant and entertaining converser if she avoids +certain things, as, for instance: + +1. She must avoid talking about herself, her exploits, her acquirements, +her entertainments, her beaux, etc. Especially should she avoid seeking +to make an impression by frequent mention of advantageous friends or +circumstances. The greatest observer and commentator upon manners that +ever wrote was Mr. Emerson. In one of his essays he says: "You shall not +enumerate your brilliant acquaintances, nor tell me by their titles what +books you have read. I am to infer that you keep good company by your +good manners and better information; and to infer your reading from the +wealth, and accuracy of your conversation." + +2. She must avoid a loud tone of voice, and also avoid laughing too much +and too easily. To laugh aloud is a dangerous thing, unless all noise +and harshness have been cultivated out of the voice, as ought to be done +in every good school. The culture of the voice is one of the most +important elements in making a pleasant converser. American girls and +women are accused by cultivated foreigners of having loud, harsh, +strident voices; and there is too much truth in the accusation. Nor is +there any excuse for unpleasant, harsh, rough, nasal tones of voice in +these days when in every good school instruction is given in the +management of the voice for reading and conversation. The cause of +harshness and loudness is often mere carelessness on the part of young +people. But talking in too loud a tone is scarcely less unpleasant to +the listeners than the use of too low a tone, which is generally an +affectation. + +3. She must avoid frequent attempts at wit; avoid punning, which is the +cheapest possible form of wit; and avoid sarcasm. The talent for being +sarcastic is a most dangerous one. 'No one ever knew a sarcastic woman +who could keep friends. The temptation to be bright and interesting and +to attract attention by the use of sarcasm is very strong, for nearly +all will be interested in it and enjoy it for a little. But were I +obliged to choose between sarcasm and dullness in a young girl, I should +prefer dullness. Happily, this is not a necessary alternative. + +4. She must avoid a kind of joking and badinage that should never be +heard among well-bred young people in society--that about courtship and +marriage. Much harm, much blunting of fine sensibilities, much +destruction of that delicate modesty which is the priceless dower of +young girlhood, comes of such jesting and joking where it is permitted +without restraint or reproof. A young girl may not be called upon to +reprove it, but she certainly can shun the company of those who are +given to such vulgarity (for no other term will rightly describe it), +and she can certainly refrain from joining in any conversation of this +description. + +Always remember that to be a good converser you must be a good listener. +Very often people acquire a pleasant reputation and popularity in +society by the exercise of this talent alone--that of listening with +attention and interest to what other people say. Be especially careful +to avoid interrupting one who is speaking. Many a fine and noble +thought, many an interesting discussion, is broken off and lost by the +irrelevant interruption of some thoughtless person. One reason why the +art of conversation has so degenerated in these days is that so few have +a real interest in hearing the fine thoughts of good thinker and +talkers. So many people want to talk about themselves, or their affairs, +that it is in many circles almost an impossibility to maintain a high +and elevating conversation. Until years and experience, as well as wide +reading and information, have given you the right to express freely your +opinions in society, it will be well to listen a great deal more than +you speak, especially when in the company of your elders. Avoid all +sentimentality, or the discussion of subjects that would expose the +private and sacred feelings of the heart. Do not quote poetry; do not +ask people's opinions on delicate and individual questions. I have heard +a young boarding-school graduate embarrass a whole room-full of +excellent and educated people by asking a young gentleman if he did not +think Longfellow very inferior to Lowell in his love poems. Among those +of your own age let what you have to say relate to everything more than +to the doings or sayings of other people. In this way you will avoid +that bane of social conversation--gossip. In all social relations strive +to throw your influence for that which is faithful, sincere, kind, +generous, and just. Have a special thought and regard for those who may +labor under disadvantages? be especially kind to the shrinking and +timid, to the poor and unfortunate. Strive to be worthy of the +confidence and respect and love of your associates, and all your +relations to society will be easily and naturally and happily adjusted. + + + + +LETTER VI. + +ASSOCIATES AND FRIENDS. + + +_My Dear Daughter:_--When I was a young girl, I well remember that my +parents judged who were and who were not desirable and proper associates +for their children, chiefly by reference to the parents and family of +our young companions. It was taken for granted that the children of +good, honorable, Christian people, who strove to train their children to +obedience and a conscientious life, would be suitable companions for us; +and this criterion in nearly every instance proved to be a true one. In +only one instance, indeed, did it fail; and I well remember the shock it +gave a whole circle of young people, when a young companion, the son of +an eminent clergyman, was sent home on account of his language and +conduct after one week's visit among friends, when it had been expected +by all that he would stay two or three months. + +But in these days this criterion of family and parentage is +insufficient; for, sad as it may seem, the children of really excellent +parents are often so derelict in duty, so lacking in conscientiousness, +so idle and aimless and frivolous that their companionship should be +dreaded for susceptible young people especially for young girls. One +thing is very certain: that in these days young people, when out of +sight of their parents, often act and talk in a way which they certainly +would not do in their parents' presence. And that is truly a distressing +fear which often comes to the hearts of excellent and faithful parents, +that the conduct of their children when out of their sight and restraint +may be totally at variance with all they have been taught in regard to +right and proper conduct. + +Now all people, old or young, are influenced in conduct somewhat by +their associates and friends; but young people especially are +susceptible to the influence of example. And it is a painful but well +known fact that young people are much more easily and quickly influenced +by bad example than by good. One frivolous, vain, forward, pert young +girl, coming for a season into association with a company of young +people, may in a few short weeks make her impress on the manners and +conversation of the whole of them. Her slang expressions will be +adopted; her loud manners and eccentricities of dress will be imitated; +her frivolity and dislike for any of the serious duties of life will +prove contagious. + +For you, and for any young girl, I would consider dangerous and harmful +intimate association with: + +1. The young girl who, either from circumstances or natural +disposition, does not compel herself, or is not compelled to do +something--to study her lessons and take some useful share in every-day +duties. "Nothing to do is worse than nothing to eat," said a great man, +Thomas Carlyle; and observing parents or teachers know this to be +especially true of young people. It makes no difference that they don't +want to do anything or to exert themselves. The very absence of exertion +makes them weak and indisposed to effort. It is a lamentable lack at the +present time among a large proportion of the daughters of comfortable +and refined homes, that they have small physical strength and no +qualities of endurance at all. They are "all tired out" if they sweep +and dust or do housework for an hour or two, or take a half-mile walk on +an errand, or sew continuously for an hour. Very likely they will want +to lie down and rest an hour after such exertion. This is all the +result of unexercised muscles and mental indolence. That mother was +quite right, who, when her boarding-school daughter complained that it +made her arms ache to sweep, replied: "Well, you must sweep till it +doesn't make them ache." Mind and body both grow strong through +exercise. Unexercised muscles, of course, will be weak and flabby and +tire easily. But the young girl whom it tires to work is most likely on +the _qui vive_ about some folly or other nearly all the time. Lack of +healthful mental and bodily occupation and stimulus will almost +certainly produce a craving for unhealthy excitement. Such a girl is apt +to be constantly planning for mere pleasure and to have "a good time." +And, oh! what an unsatisfying, unworthy aim in life is this, and how +pernicious in its effects! Pleasure and "a good time" are all very +well, but unless they are partaken of sparingly they produce a mental +effect similar to that which the constant use of desserts and +sweetmeats, instead of plain substantial food, would produce in the +physical system. Association with the idle and the mere pleasure-seeker +is therefore to be guarded against, for their influence cannot but be +harmful. + +2. Although perfection is not to be expected in any companion or +associate, yet there are certain defects of character which are so grave +that parents cannot afford to encourage their children in associating +with those who exhibit these in a marked degree. Untruthfulness; the +habit of gossiping about friends or acquaintances or divulging family +privacies; sullenness and moroseness under reproof; rebellious and +disrespectful expressions and conduct toward parents and teachers; +indifference to the good opinion of sensible people, as shown by +unusual and startling conduct in public places; all such things mark the +undesirable associate for young girls. But there are young girls against +whom none of these complaints could be made, who are undesirable +companions because they are wholly absorbed in love of dress and display +and desire to be admired and noticed. It is generally among this class +that we find young girls who prefer to an altogether unreasonable and +unbecoming extent, the society of young men to the society of their own +sex. It is among these that we find the young lady who does not know how +to prevent undue familiarity in the conduct of young men; who will +tolerate without disapprobation or protest, rude conduct on the part of +young men. This over-eagerness for their society, and easy toleration of +too familiar conduct and conversation, young men, who are quick +discerners in such matters, are very apt to take advantage of. Only the +best and most high-principled among them will refrain from doing so. + +I have spoken of the influence that a frivolous, vain, selfish companion +will be sure to exercise over those with whom she is intimately +associated. For you, as for any young girl, I would seek to prevent such +associations. On the other hand, I should rejoice to see you form +friendships with good, high-minded, intelligent, gentle-mannered girls +of your own age, and should hope that you would mutually emulate and +stimulate each other in all worthy aims and ambitions. Such friendships, +however, are seldom hastily formed. The gushing and violent attachments +that sometimes spring up between young girls are sure to be of mushroom +growth and duration, unless there is genuine character and merit in +both. During the period of the continuance of such friendships, a great +deal of "selfishness for two" is often developed and manifested. Very +often when young people are visiting together their attentions to each +other seem to make them forget their duties and the attentions due to +other people. Here is one of the best tests of the true character of a +young girl: her conduct in the house where she is a visitor. If she is +truly well-mannered and kind-hearted she will certainly be on her guard +to conform to the hours and habits of the household where she is a +guest; she will avoid making any demands upon the time of her friend +that would cause that friend to neglect her daily duties or put to +inconvenience the other members of the family. She will divide her +attentions with all the members of the family, having special regard for +the very young or the very old. She will, above all things, be prompt +and punctual at meal-time. Her own tact and judgment will enable her to +judge how much assistance she should offer, if any, to the friends she +visits--a matter which must always be determined by circumstances. In +some families and under some circumstances it might be a breach of +decorum and an act of officiousness on the part of a visitor to make any +offer of assistance in the matter of the daily household arrangements. +In other families and under other circumstances it might be an act of +the kindest and best politeness to undertake every day during her visit +a portion of the daily home-duties. That which a young girl who is a +visitor in any family should first of all observe, is the wishes and +convenience of the older people of the household. If the friend she is +visiting should show too much disposition to make everything about the +house bend to the occasion of the visit, the visitor should deprecate +this, both by word and example. Every mother of young daughters knows +the difference between visitors who are thoughtful and deferential and +helpful, and those whose overweening interest in self and selfish plans +makes them oblivious to the convenience and wishes and preferences of +their hostess and other members of the family. + +If one wished thoroughly to understand the character of any young girl, +no better test could be applied than to invite her to a three weeks' +family visit. By daily observation one could then learn how near in +character and disposition, in habits and manners, she approached that +beautiful ideal of the poet Lowell which I wish every young girl might +constantly strive to imitate and attain to: + + "In herself she dwelleth not, + Although no home were half so fair; + No simplest duty is forgot, + Life hath no dim and lowly spot + That doth not in her sunshine share. + + "She doeth little kindnesses + Which most leave undone or despise; + For naught that sets our heart at ease, + And giveth happiness or peace, + Is low esteemed in her eyes. + + "She hath no scorn of common things, + And, though she seem of other birth, + Round us her heart entwines and clings, + And patiently she folds her wings + To tread the humble paths of earth. + + "Blessing she is; God made her so, + And deeds of week-day holiness + Fall from her noiseless as the snow, + Nor hath she ever chanced to know + That aught were easier than to bless. + + "She is most fair, and thereunto + Her life doth brightly harmonize; + Feeling or thought that was not true + Ne'er made less beautiful the blue + Unclouded heaven of her eyes." + + + + +LETTER VII. + +TACT--UNOBTRUSIVENESS. + + +_My Dear Daughter:_--In one of my letters to you, I said that there were +certain excellent manuals which contained important general and special +directions concerning the forms and manners or etiquette of polite +society, and that all young people should study and profit by some +standard works of this kind. But there are a great many things +pertaining to the conduct of life, that go to make up character and +affect the impression we make upon those around us, which are not set +down in books and cannot be imparted by set forms and rules. For +instance, one of the most desirable possessions for any person, young or +old, is tact--a power of moving on through life without constantly +coming into collision with people and things and opinions. And yet no +rules were ever laid down by which anyone can learn to acquire tact. It +is rather the natural result of a disposition to make people with whom +we are associated comfortable and happy, since in order to do this we +must constantly guard against arousing antagonisms or wounding the +susceptibilities of those around us. + +Now, to illustrate by some instances of lack of tact: A lady guest at a +table where broiled ham was the meat provided, declined to take any, and +then added, "I don't think pork is fit food for any human stomach." Of +course an embarrassment fell upon host and hostess and all the company, +and the rest of the meal-time was passed in an ineffectual endeavor to +restore conversation to a harmonious basis. What caused this lady to +make such a remark? Simply lack of tact, which means that she had not +the fine sensitiveness that would prevent her from wounding the feelings +of her friends. She had no delicacy of perception as to the reflection +she cast upon her host and hostess by so brusquely condemning something +to which they were habituated. This is one instance of lack of tact, but +here is another of different character: A company of educated people sat +down at table together, and the conversation happened to turn on the +question of the authorship of Shakespeare's plays. One lady, who was a +recent college graduate and supposed to be possessed of an unusual +degree of culture, said in a most positive manner: "I think the +advocates of the theory that some one other than Shakespeare wrote the +plays attributed to him, simply show their ignorance and shallowness." +An uncomfortable pause fell upon, the company, for two of the best +informed people present were entirely convinced that some one other +than Shakespeare wrote the plays. It was simply lack of tact that +betrayed this lady into a positiveness and obtrusiveness of statement +that made others uncomfortable and aroused their antagonism. Here is +still another instance: One lady was introduced to another lady who was +the wife of a gentleman much older than herself. After catching the name +the lady said: "Are you the wife of old Mr. C----?" Of course everybody +around who had any sensibility was pained and embarrassed by such a +blunt, brusque question. Yet the lady who displayed this want of tact +was a college graduate and the principal teacher in an important school. + +Now, no rule or rules will ever prevent anyone from doing and saying +things which show lack of tact. Nothing will do it but the cultivation +of a spirit of sympathy which will enable one to realize how other +people feel when their opinions and peculiarities or circumstances are +so bluntly antagonized or alluded to. I know an excellent and +high-minded lady, of superior intellectual culture, who often complains +that she has few friends. She says that she longs for the affection and +esteem of her friends, yet, as she expresses it, she has "no personal +magnetism." I was once present in a literary society of which this lady, +Mrs. A., was a member. Another member, Mrs. B., made a statement about a +matter under discussion in the society, when Mrs. A. arose and said, +bluntly: "That is not true." Everybody was astonished, and listened +almost indignantly while Mrs. A. went on to show that Mrs. B. had simply +been misinformed and was mistaken. It would have been entirely easy and +proper for Mrs. A. to ask permission to correct a misapprehension on the +part of Mrs. B., and she could have done it in such a way as would have +wounded nobody's feelings. Mrs. A., while she complains that she has few +friends, frequently asserts that she believes in saying just what she +thinks. This is all well enough, but she says it with so little tact as +to constantly wound the feelings and antagonize the opinions of everyone +around her. + +Tact is as important in manners as in speech. The word is closely allied +to the word _touch_, and a person who has good tact is really one who +can touch people gently, carefully, kindly, in all the relations of +life. In the animal creation no creature has more perfect tact than a +well-bred kindly-treated household cat. You may have seen one of these +enter a room where perhaps a circle of people were seated around a stove +or open fire. Puss wants her warm place in front of the fire or stove, +but she does not brusquely and rudely push her way there. No. She +glides gently, purringly around the circle, rubs caressingly against +this one and that, as though gently saying, "By your leave"; and when +finally she reaches the desired spot, she lays herself down so +gracefully and quietly and curls herself up so deftly that to witness +the act really affords pleasure to the observer. A creature of less tact +and grace would only appear obtrusive and offend and antagonize the +company, and probably rightfully receive reproof and be ejected from the +room. + +And so I would wish to see you and all young people cultivate tact; +study how to speak and act so as to touch gently all with whom you are +associated. Behind the best tact lies the wish to be kind and to make +people comfortable and happy, to avoid wounding and irritating; and so +it is true that the basis of true tact is, after all, the moral +sentiment. + +The young person who would cultivate tact in speech and manners will +carefully guard against obtrusiveness. This is a defect in the manners +of so many people, both young and old, and includes such a multitude of +things, that it is worth while to particularize a little upon it. +Quietness, repose, order, are distinguishing marks of cultivated social +life everywhere, and to people who are habituated to these conditions of +life it is painful to have incongruous or inappropriate acts or sounds +thrust upon their attention. Here is a generalization that explains the +reason why many things, harmless in themselves are unpleasant to and +offend the taste of cultivated people. No really cultivated young girl +will, for instance, open and play upon a piano in a hotel parlor or any +other parlor at inappropriate times or when it is occupied by strangers. +She will never perform in public any of the duties of the toilet, such +as cleaning her nails or using a tooth-pick. She will not eat peanuts or +fruit or candy, or chew gum, in public places. In fact, I cannot imagine +a really refined young lady chewing gum even in the privacy of her own +room, so offensive is it to good taste. She will not descant upon bodily +ailments in the drawing-room or at the table. She will not rush noisily +up and down stairs or through the house, clashing doors and startling +everyone with unpleasant noises. She will not interrupt people who are +conversing, to ask an irrelevant question or one pertaining to her own +affairs. She will not slap an acquaintance familiarly on the shoulder, +or make special displays of affection or intimacy before people. She +will if possible suppress the sudden sneeze, and use every effort to +quiet a cough. She will not go uninvited into the private room of +anyone, nor into the kitchen of her hostess where she is a visitor. All +such things really inflict pain upon sensitive people; they offend +because they obtrude; and all similar actions and obtrusiveness are to +be carefully avoided by everyone who desires to acquire a true and +genuine culture of action, speech, and manners. It is well worth your +while to think earnestly and often upon these things; to learn to +understand why so many thoughtless actions on the part of young people +are set down to a general lack of cultivation. All such obtrusiveness +must be done away with before we shall be able to realize the prayer of +David, "that our daughters may be like corner-stones, polished after the +similitude of a palace." + + + + +LETTER VIII. + +WHO ARE THE CULTIVATED? + + +_My Dear Daughter:_--No words in the English language are so much +bandied about in efforts to describe or classify society at the present +day as are the words "culture," "cultured," "cultivated" and their +antitheses. These are the terms that intimidate the vain, selfish, +illiterate rich; for to be described as "rich but uncultivated" is +regarded as a greater slur upon the social standing of families than to +be reported as having gained wealth by dishonesty or trickery. And then +the matter is made all the harder for those willing to acquire a +hypocritical polish at any expense if they can only be called +"cultivated," from the fact that they do not know what true culture is, +nor are they able to recognize it when they see it. They are like a +person lacking in all artistic sense, who wishes to buy pictures--at the +mercy of every impostor. + +What, then, is the secret that lies behind the demeanor and manners of +the cultivated man or woman, or the cultivated family? What power or +what sentiment modulates the voice to kind and gentle tones; restrains +the boisterous conversation or laughter; gives such a delicate +perception of the rights of others as to make impossible the dictatorial +or arrogant form of address the impertinent question, the personal +familiarity, the curiosity about private affairs, the forwardness in +giving advice or expressing unasked opinions, the boastful statement of +personal possessions or qualities, the action that causes pain or +inconvenience or discomfort to associates or dependents, all of which +are the most common forms of transgression among the uncultivated? + +In his famous address on "The Progress of Culture," delivered before a +celebrated college society in Cambridge in 1867, Emerson summed up the +whole matter in one sentence: "The foundation of culture, as of +character, is at last the moral sentiment." Here is the whole secret in +a single sentence. The restraining grace is "at last the moral +sentiment." It is a fine genuine unselfishness that, observing how all +these things may pain and wound, refrains from doing any of them. The +man or woman or family who can avoid transgressing in these particulars +can do so habitually only as the result of a fine moral sentiment +underlying the whole nature. And those who possess or have cultivated in +themselves this fine moral sentiment of unselfishness, justice, and +considerateness, will be surrounded by an atmosphere of culture though +their dwelling-place be an uncarpeted cabin, while those who lack this +restraining grace will be "uncultivated" though their surroundings +afford every comfort, beauty, and luxury. It should be a thought of +encouragement to us, and an inspiration of hope that we may possess the +true and imperishable riches of a cultivated spirit, however poor and +struggling our lives may be, or however barren of external beauty our +surroundings. Culture depends not on material possessions. In fact, the +very abundance of conveniences and comforts and elegances often seems to +have an injurious and deteriorating effect on individuals and families +by producing in them a selfish love of personal ease and exclusiveness. +On the other hand, the painful and patient economizing of humble toilers +often produces an unselfishness and patience and gentleness of demeanor +which is in effect the very finest culture. + +In these days of specialists and artists and architects and +upholsterers, anyone who has money can possess himself of the material +surroundings of taste and culture. His house may be "a poem in stone" +exteriorly, and a "symphony in color" in its interior adornments. This +much of the products of genuine culture he may buy with money. But no +money can buy the pearl of great price, the cultured spirit in the +individual or family, without which the most palatial mansion is but a +dead and lifeless shell. Lacking this moral sentiment and culture, how +many a handsomely appointed home is the abode of rudeness, unkindness, +selfishness, and misery! The rude speech or cutting retort or selfish +act are doubly and trebly incongruous when pictured walls and frescoed +ceilings and luxurious surroundings of artistic beauty are the silent +witnesses of the vulgarity. On the other hand, there is opportunity for +the display of the best and kindest and most cultivated manners in the +humble home where lack of suitable furnishings and dearth of +conveniences puts everyone's unselfishness to the test. + +I have frequently heard wise parents and teachers speak of the +perplexity of spirit which they feel when they see that in so many +instances the acquirement of accomplishments, as they are termed, fails +to add any moral strength or beauty to the character of the young people +in whose welfare and advancement their hearts are so entirely absorbed. +This young girl sings and plays beautifully, paints and draws in a +genuinely artistic manner, speaks French and German like a native, and +yet she is ill-tempered and shrewish if circumstances happen to cross +her inclination. Here is a young man who is possessed of a fine +collegiate education, and who is also an excellent musician. Yet he can +be rude and disrespectful to his mother, insolent to his father, +overbearing and arrogant towards servants and subordinates, and a +perfect boor to his younger brothers and sisters. Both these young +persons have uncultivated spirits. So we see that the cultivation of the +intellectual nature, the acquirement of accomplishments, the practice of +any art, the advantages of travel, the surroundings of elegance, may or +may not tend to the genuine culture of the spirit; and as wise and +earnest parents and teachers perceive this truth, they realize more and +more that the great problem of culture, alike for parent and teacher, is +how to develop the moral sentiment. + + + + +LETTER IX. + +RELIGIOUS CULTURE AND DUTY. + + +_My Dear Daughter:_--I have endeavored in my previous letters to give +you a kind of outline series of directions and instructions in matters +that pertain to the ordinary every day duties of life. I have spoken of +the motives that should influence your actions, and have tried to show +you that all truly lovely and beautiful conduct must have a basis in the +moral sentiment. I have reserved till this last letter what I have to +say to you on the most important subject of all: the infinitely +momentous subject of religious culture and duty. + +In the first place I must explain that there is a great difference +between the methods and circumstances of religious instruction now and +those which surrounded the youth of the maturer generation. When people +of the age of your parents were young, the habits of family life were +such that religious observances held a place of first importance. All +household affairs were arranged with reference to morning and evening +worship, which consisted of singing, reading the Bible, and prayer. No +matter how much work was to be done, the family must rise in time to +allow for the performance of this service. Children heard so much about +God, and heaven, and the life beyond death, that often a morbid and +unnatural frame of mind was induced. Parents and instructors often +forgot to make allowance for the fact that youth naturally and rightly +loves and enjoys this life, and rightly and naturally dreads death. So +much was said about the other world that it seemed almost a sin to think +about or plan much for this. God and heaven were imagined as close +above in the sky? the judgment day was ever held threateningly before +us; and pictures of a literal lake of fire and brimstone, into which +wicked people would be cast, were painted for the imagination of +children, till, as the experience of hundreds testifies, even the most +conscientious of them feared to close their eyes in sleep at night lest +they should awake in that terrible place of torment. + +From this doubtless too severe and harsh religious regime, a reaction +has taken place which has thrown the customs of family life and the +religious education of the young people of to-day far into the opposite +extreme. The hurry and railroad rush of modern social and commercial +life have shortened or even cut off entirely the hours for family +worship. In the modern effort to emphasize the fact that God is love, +the other fact that sin deserves and receives punishment has been +thrown too far into the background, or is ignored altogether. Regular +reading of the Bible has become as rare as it formerly was universal. +Irreverence and skepticism in regard to its truths and teachings +permeate a large portion of society, and the general influence of the +social life of young people is opposed to the cultivation or expression +of the religious spirit or aspiration. All this involves the loss of a +most valuable mental and spiritual discipline, and earnest parents of +to-day are at a loss how to supply it. + +I will press upon your attention only one argument for the culture of a +religious spirit, and that is the argument of experience. What is the +universal testimony of those whose lives are really governed by the fear +and love of a divine Creator? It is that in the consciousness of a +desire to obey God and live in harmony with His laws they find their +highest happiness. + +To everyone who lives beyond the earliest period of childhood, comes at +some time or other sorrow, disappointment, sickness, loss, bereavement. +The great fact of death looms up at the end of every pathway, however +bright and happy. The universal testimony of the human race, from the +earliest records of human experience to the present time, is that only +faith and hope in a beneficent God ruling over all events can sustain +and comfort the human heart through all the changes and vicissitudes of +life, and reconcile to the thought of death. + +Early youth is naturally happy, gay, care-free, and indifferent to +sorrows and fears of which it knows nothing. But there comes a time to +every sensible and earnest young heart when it realizes the +transitoriness of all earthly things, and longs for something on which +the heart can take hold and rest. I do not believe any young person +fails of this experience sooner or later. It is a hunger of the heart +which nothing but the love of God can fill, and if, when it is first +felt, the heart only humbly and earnestly turns to God with high and +firm resolve to seek a knowledge of Him and His laws, to bring all +actions and plans of life into harmony with His revealed will, the +foundation of an enduring happiness is laid for this life, and doubtless +for the life to come. + +But this desire and effort after a knowledge of God and obedience to His +will do not come without a struggle. We are strange and mysterious +creatures, having within us a nature that is most susceptible to +temptations, to do evil. Every one of us is conscious of a struggle +constantly going on in our hearts and lives between evil and good. The +temptations to selfishness, greed, unkindness, untruthfulness, +irreverence, indolence, are constant and severe until we have by long +conflict and repeated victory habituated our hearts to choosing the +right. Yet every victory over self and temptation helps us toward that +spiritual attainment which will in time enable us to say, with the sweet +psalmist of Israel: "The Lord is the portion of my soul; the Lord is the +strength of my heart; the Lord is my light and my salvation." + +Most usually the heart first turns toward God with deep earnestness +through sorrow. There are many griefs and burdens of life which cannot +be alleviated or lightened in any way except by spiritual comfort and +help. And this spiritual comfort and help are among the deepest +realities of life. There is a strength, a happiness, a peace and a +support in sorrow which the world can neither give nor take away. How +priceless a blessing to possess! The saddest, darkest, most suffering +life can be irradiated and uplifted and enriched by this spiritual +blessing. The most fortunately circumstanced life may be made poor by +its absence. Dean Stanley tells us of a sister who for perhaps forty +years was a constant sufferer from spinal disease, and during that +period almost constantly confined to her couch. Yet her countenance was +irradiated with cheerfulness, and she seemed to inspire everyone who +came near her with comfort, and with ardor and enthusiasm for goodness. +Such examples are not rare. Every community knows some person or persons +sustained in deep affliction, though long continued trial and sorrow and +loss, by this unseen spiritual power. On the other hand, experience and +observation show us constantly recurring examples of discontent, +peevishness, unhappiness, on the part of those who appear to be +specially favored in the possession of the comforts and riches of this +life. Lord Chesterfield said that, having seen and experienced all the +pomps and pleasures of life, he was disgusted with and hated them all, +and only desired, like a weary traveler, to be allowed "to sleep in the +carriage" until the end came. But Paul the apostle, contemplating the +close of his eventful life of sorrow and suffering, said: "I have fought +the good fight? I have finished the course? I have kept the faith: +henceforth there is laid up for me the crown of righteousness." + +So it seems only a reasonable appeal to every young heart, as soon as it +is mature enough to understand and make choice among the realities and +verities of life, to choose this better part; to keep the heart +receptive to and expectant of this divine comfort and help; to seek to +know and obey the will of this God of all consolation. But this choice +is a purely individual matter. No one can make another person good any +more than he can make him happy. All that anyone, all that the wisest +and best teachers and parents can do, is to present the arguments for +and urge the choice of the better part. + +But if it is chosen, or if there is a desire to be enabled to choose it, +what a help and stimulus comes from the reading and study of the Bible, +especially of the Psalms and the New Testament! Therein are recorded +every phase of the spiritual experiences of humanity in its aspiration +after a knowledge of God. Therein are recorded the words and precepts of +"the Great Teacher sent from God," who said that he and the Father were +one, and that he was sent of God to seek and save the lost. Here are the +records of the compassionate expressions that fell from his lips as he +proclaimed his message as the Son of God. Whatever other opinion men may +have of Christ, all must confess that in his words to and about sinning +and sorrowing and suffering men and women, he displayed a love and +sympathy such as earth had never known before, and such as it has known +since, in kind, only in the devoted followers of Christ. To have the +memory stored with these expressions or teachings, or with the prayers +and aspirations of the psalms and the prophecies, is to have a fountain +of comfort and consolation for the heart, that passes all understanding. +But this fact of human experience you must accept on the testimony of +those who have experienced it, until you have experienced it for +yourself. + +And thus, my daughter, while I wish for you the possession of all the +graces and adornments of person and character that pertain to and are +possible for the life that now is, how infinitely more do I desire for +you that you may know God and the comforts and consolations of His word +and spirit. To know that you had sought and found for yourself this +knowledge, that you knew and sought the help of the divine spirit in +resisting temptation to do wrong, that in disappointment your heart +would turn to God for comfort, that in sorrow you would seek consolation +in communion with God, would be to feel that your future happiness was +absolutely assured. In this seeking after God, all things would be +yours. And even though you had made but a small and weak beginning to +follow on and know the Lord, I should rejoice in the assurance that the +good work, having been begun, would be completed unto the end. And so I +close these letters with the same summing up of all advice, all +instruction, which more than four thousand years ago a prophet of God +gave to his reflections upon the vicissitudes of human life: "Let us +hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep his +commandments, for this is the whole duty of man." + + + + +A LITTLE SERMON TO SCHOOL-GIRLS. + + Be kindly affectioned one toward another with brotherly love, in + honor preferring one another. + + --_Rom._ xii. 10. + + Whose adorning ... let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that + which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet + spirit which is in the sight of God of great price. + + --1 _Peter_, iii. 4. + + +Wherever people are associated together it will always be found that +some are more popular and beloved than others. Taking it for granted +that all my young readers would wish to be lovely and beloved by those +with whom they are associated, I wish to make a short study of some of +those characteristics which always distinguish a lovely or loveable +person, and also of some characteristics which tend to make people +unlovely and disagreeable. + +But if anyone should at the outset say, "I do not care whether people +like me or not, I have no particular wish to be lovely or beloved," what +could I answer? Nothing. I could only express my sorrow that the better +and higher nature of such an one was so undeveloped, and that the +greatest source of true happiness was so unknown and unappreciated. I +could only hope that the conscience and the moral nature of such an one +might be aroused and quickened by some good and faithful admonition or +word of instruction. And right here I wish to call the special attention +of my young friends to this fact: Youth is a period given up largely to +the work of obtaining an education; but education is of a two-fold +nature. We have an intellectual nature and we have a spiritual or moral +nature. The intellectual powers and faculties it is possible to educate +almost in spite of even the distaste or aversion of the pupil to +receiving that education. We can, in a measure, force a knowledge of the +sciences upon even reluctant pupils. We can prove to them that three +angles of a triangle are equal to two right angles, or that an acid and +an alkali will combine to form a salt; but we can never force an +antagonistic nature to receive a spiritual truth. Your parents or +teacher may instruct you that it is wrong to be untruthful or unkind or +deceitful, but your own inner natures alone can receive such truths and +assimilate them. No human being can compel another human being to be +good. Here is where one of the chief anxieties and chief sorrows of +parents and teachers arises. There is no anxiety so deep as the anxiety +of the good that those they love may be good also; no sorrow so poignant +as the sorrow of the heart over the willful wrong-doing of those near +and dear. If at the close of your prescribed school course you should +return to your homes, skilled in all the sciences, possessed of +extensive knowledge of literature, fine musicians, fine artists, and yet +selfish, ungentle, proud or haughty in demeanor, wanting in +thoughtfulness for the rights and feelings of others, careless of being +unkind, the time spent in your education would largely have been spent +in vain. + +Among the first characteristics of a person who is lovely and beloved, +we must place a kind and gentle manner toward all, kind words and kind +deeds, and a restraint of hasty speech or action. In order to possess +these qualities, it is not necessary ever to be obtrusive with our +attentions. Sometimes people pain us by thrusting upon us attentions +which we do not want. There is a kind of officious attentiveness which +is really the expression of a species of vanity. It is true we ought to +be observant, and if we see where we can really help others by offering +kind acts or services, we ought to be willing to do it. But to young +people associated together as schoolmates, the opportunity for +exercising gentleness and kindness towards one another comes mostly in +the line of daily work. Some pupils are more advanced in their studies +than others: some have had greater advantages in their homes than +others: and these differences afford an opportunity for exercising +toward each other a spirit of kindness and gentleness. It is one of the +most common occurrences in schools for pupils to come in who have not +had the advantages which enable them to know how to conduct themselves +gracefully in society; how to dress themselves; how to use knife, fork, +napkin, etc., properly at the table; and while it is of course the duty +of teachers to instruct them in all these things, it is also the +imperative duty of their companions to refrain from unkind criticism or +laughing at and making sport of blunders which may arise only from lack +of information. Very often these students are "jewels in the rough," of +the rarest and finest quality. You may have heard the story of Daniel +Webster, when he came in from his father's farm to enter upon his +collegiate course, and went to board with one of the professors who had +several students boarding in his family. Daniel had certainly never been +taught good manners at the table, however many other good things he had +been taught in his home, for he immediately attracted the attention of +all the other boarders by sitting with his knife and fork held upright +in each hand and resting on the table while he masticated his food. The +professor quelled the rising laughter among his fellow-students by a +firm glance of reproof, but said nothing to Daniel. He had observed +that the boy was sensitive, and he now had the problem before him how he +should correct this awkwardness in Daniel without wounding his feelings; +and he took the following method: Calling one of the senior boarders to +him before the next meal, he said: "We want to break our young friend of +his awkward way of holding his knife and fork, and we don't want to hurt +his feelings. Now I want you, at supper to-night, to hold your knife and +fork the same way, and then I will call your attention to it and tell +you it is not the right and proper way to do." The student agreed, and +so between the kind intention of the professor and the kind willingness +of the student the embryo statesman was taught an important lesson +without being pained and abashed by his ignorance. + +In marked contrast with this incident is one which personally I knew to +happen in a school. A little country girl who had recently become an +inmate of the school knocked at the room of her neighbor, a young lady +who had been brought up amid all the refinements of life, and asked her +if she would lend her her hair-brush. Two or three other girls happened +to be in the room, and this young lady replied, "Hadn't you better ask +me for my tooth-brush? In this school, hair-brushes are private +property." Never did the little country girl forget this rude rebuke, +although she very shortly learned that among cultivated and refined +people hair-brushes are considered private property. But however +cultivated externally the young lady was who thus rudely rebuffed even +the ignorance of her companion, her conduct showed a spirit uncultivated +in gentleness and kindness. + +It often happens in schools that some become general favorites because +perhaps they are blessed with good looks, or are able to dress with +good taste and becomingly, or are possessed of a certain piquancy of +manner and conversational powers which attract and entertain. There are +others equally good and talented who are not blessed with comeliness, +who are not bright and winning in conversation, who are awkward in dress +and manner. What kindness and considerateness is due from the more +favored to the less favored! How careful should school-girls, and not +school-girls only, but everybody be to extend courtesy and kindness to +those of their number who are apt to be neglected, to be left lonely and +forgotten while more favored ones enjoy special pleasures! I do not mean +by this that we are to be equally intimate and equally fond of all our +daily associates, but we ought to be equally kind. Our especial +endearments and kindnesses and attentions to our particular friends +ought to be in a measure kept for private expression, so that we may not +wound the feelings of those less attractive, or less endowed with bodily +and mental graces, by contrast or comparison. + +To aid us in cultivating this spirit of kindness, no maxim is more +useful than that laid down by Christ: "Whatsoever ye would that others +should do unto you, do ye even so unto them." One of the best tests we +can apply to ourselves is to imagine ourselves in the place of others. +Suppose we were conscious of homely features, ungainly forms and awkward +manners, or of lack of information or knowledge; suppose we were in such +straitened circumstances that we were obliged to wear coarse, cheap, +unsuitable or unbecoming garments how would we feel and how would we +wish to be treated? And if we find within ourselves an unwillingness to +be judged by this standard, or to conform our conduct to it, then we +should realize that we do wrong, that we are wrong in spirit. Then +should come the conscious effort to do right, to change our spirit from +selfishness to unselfishness, from unkindness to kindness. This is the +work that no human being can do for us. Every individual soul must pass +through that struggle alone. Whenever we are conscious of the necessity +of a decision between doing right and doing wrong, even though we may +feel indisposed to do the right and disposed to do the wrong, yet if we +can _will_ to do the right we have taken a step toward God and heaven; +we have begun the unfolding of the moral and spiritual nature. + +Now I have before said that an intellectual culture may be, so to speak, +veneered upon us, but a spiritual culture must come from within outward. +In botany you learn of two kinds of plants--those which grow by external +accretions, as bulbs, which, are called exogenous? and plants which +grow within outward, which are called endogenous A great philosopher has +said that "man is that noble endogenous plant which grows, like the +palm, from within outward." The culture of the heart and the growth of +the spiritual nature is wholly individual; it depends on ourselves +alone. Parents and teachers can furnish the surroundings and the +accessories which they hope will most help to nourish this spiritual +growth, but they can do no more. And often how bitterly are they +disappointed when they see that, in spite of admonition and instruction +and entreaty and example, and every external help and incentive, the +inner nature, the heart, the soul of child or pupil is not assimilating +spiritual truth, is not growing "in grace and in the nurture and +admonition of the Lord." + +And now I pass from the consideration of that experience which is the +foundation of a lovely character to consider some of the forms of +outward expression of this inward character. I have said that we may +feel indisposed to do right; we may really prefer and like best the +wrong; nevertheless if we _will_ to do what is right we have gained a +victory. So it may be a great help to us in gaining this inward victory +to familiarize ourselves with rules for conduct or expression. Suppose, +for instance we know we are liable to give way to bad tempers and to +speak hastily and harshly. We may even feel that it is a relief to speak +thus hastily or harshly, but if we _will_ to control our tempers we may +find a great help in resolving never to speak in a loud or harsh tone of +voice. You all know that the scolding or quarreling tone of voice is +loud and harsh. If we resolve never to allow ourselves to use this tone, +it will help us to control our tempers, and it will also be an +obedience to one of the rules of good manners. + +We call a well-mannered person a cultivated person; and this culture +consists mainly in kindness and gentleness of manner, in self-restraint, +and in unobtrusiveness The real reason for every true rule of good +manners is some moral reason. The true reason why we are forbidden by +good manners to do certain things is that the doing of such things gives +pain or causes inconvenience to some one. Why do the rules of good +manners forbid the slamming of doors, or noisy running along halls or up +and down stairs, or loud talking or boisterous laughter? Because such +noises inflict pain on those who hear them, if they are of refined +sensibilities. For the same reason it is bad manners to drum on a piano, +or to drum on table or desk or chair, or to shuffle the feet, or to make +any noise that distracts or obtrudes. Why is it bad manners to come +late to meals, to be unpunctual, to keep people waiting? Because we +inflict pain and inconvenience upon those who are in a certain measure +dependent for their comfort on our promptness and punctuality. Why is it +bad manners to sprawl in one's seat, to assume ungainly attitudes, to +make grimaces, or to munch peanuts or apples in the cars or in public +places? For the same reason. We make those who witness such conduct +uncomfortable, and inflict pain upon them. + +One very common cause of discomfort and pain caused by young people to +their parents and teachers is want of thoughtfulness and consideration. +For one-half the faults for which young people need to be reproved the +reply is, "I didn't think." Now, while we cannot expect young folks to +exercise the thoughtfulness and judgment of maturer people, we certainly +have a right to expect that they will endeavor to acquire a habit of +thoughtfulness in regard to the convenience and interests of others. It +is this want of thoughtfulness that often betrays young people into +doing very improper and injurious things. Parents and teachers are +constantly troubled by finding that their children and pupils do things +which they never thought of forbidding them to do. That which all good +and faithful teachers strive to do is to develop in their pupils such a +sense of propriety and thoughtfulness and such a high moral sense as +will make them _a law for right unto themselves_. They want to cultivate +and to see them cultivating in themselves a strong practical +common-sense and a wise sense of propriety. Without such common-sense +and innate sense of propriety, the longest set of rules would be +useless. For instance, if your teachers were to set about making a set +of rules do you suppose any one of them would have thought of making +such rules as: "Young ladies are not permitted to go to the roof of the +house and sit with their feet dangling over the railings of the +balcony;" or "Young ladies must not go into people's pastures and catch +their ponies to go riding;" or "When young ladies are out riding in a +buggy it is not allowable for one of the young ladies to ride on the +horse which the others are driving." + +A hundred rules might be gotten up forbidding the doing of a hundred +things, the only evil of which is that they are outlandish and +unbecoming; not modest, or ill-mannered, and behind which there is no +evil intent--only thoughtlessness. The same endowment of common sense +ought to teach young people to do those things which will promote their +health, and not to do those things which would injure it. The greatest +blessing to a young person, especially to a young woman, is good +health; but unless she will take care of it herself, it is an almost +hopeless task to attempt to take care of it for her. You may have heard +the somewhat slangy expression sometimes made about stupid and conceited +young men, that they "don't know enough to come in when it rains." It +is, however, an almost just complaint of many a pretty and otherwise +sensible young woman that she apparently doesn't know enough to put on +overshoes when it rains, or to change thin clothing for thick when it +grows cold. There is needed among young girls everywhere such a +development of common-sense as will prevent this senseless and +thoughtless conduct. + +And now let us consider some of the rewards that will come to those who +give attention to the culture of the spirit. Emerson says that "it is +our manners that associate us," and this is one of his truest +observations. We all wish, or we all should wish, to become fitted for +association with the good, the refined, the intelligent, the cultivated, +with those who have a noble purpose in life. Into such society there is +but one passport--intelligence, and gentle, quiet, cultivated manners, +coupled with a like noble and earnest purpose. Possessed of these, any +person may be sure of a welcome in the best society, however plain in +appearance or dress. Wanting in these, good looks and fine dress are of +no avail to secure the coveted association. Remember I am now speaking +of the society of intellectual, refined, and cultivated people, and not +of mere fashionable society. But to gain friendly and equal access to +this best society, the culture of heart and mind must be genuine; it +must be thorough, deep, sincere. The young person whose education of +mind and heart is shallow and superficial, who has no definite aim in +life, may well fear to submit to the critical tests sure to be applied +by such society. + +I cannot better illustrate my meaning than by relating to you two +incidents that have come under my own personal observation. You all know +that in our old Eastern cities, which have so long been the homes of +wealth and learning, is to be found a society almost unequalled for its +high standard of intellectual culture and refined manners as well as for +beneficent actions. Two young Western women whom I have known, aspired +to gain access to and meet with recognition in a certain famous circle +of such people in one of these Eastern cities. Both young women were +graduates of Western universities, and had had really exceptional +advantages for acquiring a thorough collegiate education. One had been +surrounded by every possible helpful condition. Fond parents, possessed +of abundance of this world's goods, and admiring friends, had done +everything in their power to secure for her freedom from all other cares +while she was pursuing her studies. Being thus helped and petted and +praised and encouraged she seemed to feel that all circumstances and +everybody's convenience and comfort must give way for her plans and +interests. The other young girl was the eldest daughter of a poor widow. +She struggled through the university by teaching in vacation; renting a +poor little room in the town where the university was situated, and +cooking her own food, doing her own washing and ironing, living in the +plainest way, wearing cheap clothing, and eating the plainest food, +while she was pursuing her studies. Her struggles with poverty and +bitter circumstances taught her sympathy and kindness and helpfulness; +and though she was plain, very plain, in face and figure, the gentle +kindness of her spirit was apparent to all. As time passed on after +their graduation, both of these young women gained the goal of their +hopes and ambitions: an introduction to this brilliant and cultivated +circle of people through certain literary clubs. And furthermore, both +secured an invitation to read a paper before the same literary society +during the same winter. The first-named young lady was visiting friends, +while the second had secured a position as teacher. When the first young +lady appeared before the society, her dress of velvet, point lace, and +diamonds, was so striking as to be obtrusive. Her paper was fairly good, +but contained nothing of any permanent value. Her self-consciousness and +evident desire to be conspicuous had the effect of repelling the earnest +and thoughtful men and women who composed the society. Her essay and +herself were alike quietly dropped; and to this day she cannot +understand why. She calls the members of the society proud, haughty, and +exclusive, and denounces the city where these people live as pedantic, +disagreeable, and unsocial. Before this same club came our quiet, +unostentatious, plain young friend of the toilsome life. Her dress was +as plain as her face, but her paper was rich in information and filled +with the results of a deep and earnest observation. Around her gathered +the good men and women who knew how to appreciate such a spirit, and +from thenceforward she was one of them. Every winter since the reading +of her first essay I have found her name among the list of those who are +leaders in the world of thought and of benevolent action. With pride in +the success, of a genuine Western girl, I have often observed her name +among the invited guests present at receptions given to distinguished +authors and philanthropists both of our own country and of Europe. Why +did she succeed against such odds, when the other failed with all her +advantages? Simply because she was possessed of the true, deep, thorough +genuine culture, both of mind and heart, which alone associates, the +best people together. To her, "plain living and high thinking" was a +life-long practice, and she was at home and happy with the good and the +learned. + +Would you be prepared to attain a like reward? Cultivate her spirit; +imitate her example. + + + + +WE TWO ALONE IN EUROPE. + +By MARY L. NINDE. Illustrated from Original Designs. + +12MO., 348 PAGES. PRICE $1.50. + + +The foreign travels which gave rise to this volume were of a novel and +perhaps unprecedented kind. Two young American girls started for "the +grand tour" with the father of one of them, and, he being compelled to +return home from London, they were courageous enough to continue their +journeyings alone. They spent two years in travel--going as far north as +the North Cape and south to the Nile, and including in their itinerary +St. Petersburgh and Moscow. Miss Ninde's narrative is written in a fresh +and sprightly but unsensational style, which, with the unusual +experiences portrayed, renders the work quite unlike the ordinary books +of travel. + + +"In these days when letters and books about travels in Europe have +become generally monotonous, to say the least, it is absolutely +refreshing to get hold of a bright, original book like 'We Two Alone in +Europe.' ... The book is especially interesting for its fresh, bright +observations on manners, customs, and objects of interest as viewed +through these young girls' eyes, and the charming spice of adventure +running through it." + +--_Home Journal, Boston._ + + +"It is filled with so many interesting glimpses of sights and scenes in +many lands as to render it thoroughly entertaining." + +--_Congregationalism Boston._ + + +"As the work of a bright American girl, the book is sure to command wide +attention. The volume is handsomely bound and copiously illustrated with +views drawn, if we mistake not, by the author's own fair hands, so well +do they accord with the vivacious spirit of her narrative." + +--_Times, Troy, New York._ + + +_Sold by all booksellers, or mailed, on receipt of price, by_ +JANSEN, MCCLURG, & CO., PUBLISHERS, +COR. WABASH AVE. AND MADISON ST., CHICAGO. + + + + +BIOGRAPHIES OF MUSICIANS. + +LIFE OF LISZT. With Portrait. +LIFE OF HAYDN. With Portrait. +LIFE OF MOZART. With Portrait. +LIFE OF WAGNER. With Portrait. +LIFE OF BEETHOVEN. With Portrait. + +_from the German of Dr. Louis Nohl_ + +In cloth, per volume $1.00 +The same, in neat box, per set 5.00 +In half calf, per set 12.50 + +Of the "Life of Liszt," the _Herald_ (Boston) says: "It is written in +great simplicity and perfect taste, and is wholly successful in all that +it undertakes to portray." + +Of the "Life of Haydn," the _Gazette_ (Boston) says: "No fuller history +of Haydn's career, the society in which he moved, and of his personal +life can be found than is given in this work." + +Of the "Life of Mozart," the _Standard_ says: "Mozart supplies a +fascinating subject for biographical treatment. He lives in these pages +somewhat as the world saw him, from his marvellous boyhood till his +untimely death." + +Of the "Life of Wagner," the _American_ (Baltimore) says: "It gives in +vigorous outlines those events of the life of the tone poet which +exercised the greatest influences upon his artistic career." + +Of the "Life of Beethoven," the _National Journal of Education_ says: +"Beethoven was great and noble as a man, and his artistic creations were +in harmony with his great nature. The story of his life is of the +deepest interest." + +_Sold by all booksellers, or mailed, on receipt of price by_ +JANSEN, McCLURG, & CO., PUBLISHERS, +COR. WABASH AVE. AND MADISON ST., CHICAGO. + + + + +SHORT HISTORY OF FRANCE, FOR YOUNG PEOPLE, By Miss E.S. KIRKLAND, +author of "Six Little Cooks," "Dora's Housekeeping," etc. + +12MO., EXTRA, CLOTH, BLACK AND GILT, $1.25. + +"The narrative is not dry on a single page, and the little history may +be commended as the best of its kind that has yet appeared," + +--_Bulletin, Philadelphia._ + + +"A book both instructive and entertaining. It is not a dry compendium of +dates and facts, but a charmingly written history." + +--_Christian Union, New York._ + + +"After a careful examination of its contents, we are able to +conscientiously give it our heartiest commendation. We know no +elementary history of France that can at all be compared with it." + +--_Living Church._ + + +"A spirited and entertaining sketch of the French people and +nation,--one that will seize and hold the attention of all bright boys +and girls who have a chance to read it." + +--_Sunday Afternoon, Springfield (Mass.)._ + + +"We find its descriptions universally good, that it is admirably simple +and direct in style, without waste of words or timidity of opinion. The +book represents a great deal of patient labor and conscientious study." + +--_Courant, Hartford (Conn.)._ + + +"Miss Kirkland has composed her 'Short History of France' in the way in +which a history for young people ought to be written; that is, she has +aimed to present a consecutive and agreeable story, from which the +reader can not only learn the names of kings and the succession of +events, but can also receive a vivid and permanent impression as to the +characters, modes of life, and the spirit of different people." + +--_The Nation, New York._ + + +_Sold by all booksellers, or mailed, on receipt of price, by_ +JANSEN, McCLURG, & CO. PUBLISHERS, +COR. WABASH AVE. AND MADISON ST., CHICAGO. + + + + +FAMILIAR TALKS ON ENGLISH LITERATURE. A Manual embracing the Great +Epochs of English Literature, from the English conquest of Britain, 449, +to the death of Walter Scott, 1832. By ABBY SAGE RICHARDSON. Fourth +edition, revised. Price $1.50. + +THE BOSTON TRANSCRIPT SAYS: + + "The work shows thorough study and excellent judgment, and we can + warmly recommend it to schools and private classes for reading as an + admirable text-book." + + +THE NEW YORK EVENING MAIL SAYS: + + "What the author proposed to do was to convey to her readers a clear + idea of the variety, extent, and richness of English literature.... + She has done just what she intended to do, and done it well." + + +THE NEW YORK NATION SAYS: + + "It is refreshing to find a book designed for young readers which + seeks to give only what will accomplish the real aim of the study: + namely, to excite an interest in English literature, cultivate a + taste for what is best in it, and thus lay a foundation on which + they can build after reading." + + +PROF. MOSES COIT TYLER SAYS: + + "I have had real satisfaction in looking over the book. There are + some opinions with which I do not agree; but the main thing about + the book is a good thing; namely its hearty, wholesome love of + English literature, and the honest, unpretending, but genial and + conversational, manner in which that love is uttered. It is a + charming book to read, and it will breed in its readers the appetite + to read English literature for themselves." + + +_Sold by all booksellers, or mailed, on receipt of price, by_ +JANSEN, MCCLURG, & CO., PUBLISHERS, +COR. WABASH AVE. 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