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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/17316-8.txt b/17316-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..1897712 --- /dev/null +++ b/17316-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4703 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Letters of a Soldier, by Anonymous + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Letters of a Soldier + 1914-1915 + +Author: Anonymous + +Commentator: A. Clutton-Brock + André Chevrillon + +Translator: V.M. + +Release Date: December 15, 2005 [EBook #17316] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LETTERS OF A SOLDIER *** + + + + +Produced by Irma Spehar, Emmy and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries) + + + + + + + + + + + +LETTERS OF A SOLDIER + + You do not know the things that are taught by him + who falls. I do know. + + (_Letter of October 15, 1914._) + + + + +LETTERS OF A SOLDIER + +1914-1915 + +WITH AN INTRODUCTION BY +A. CLUTTON-BROCK + +AND A PREFACE BY +ANDRÉ CHEVRILLON + +AUTHORISED TRANSLATION BY +V.M. + +LONDON +CONSTABLE AND COMPANY LTD +1917 + + + +Printed in Great Britain + + + + +CONTENTS + + PAGE +INTRODUCTION vii + +PREFACE BY ANDRÉ CHEVRILLON 3 + +LETTERS 33 + + + + +INTRODUCTION + +I have been asked to write an Introduction to these letters; and I do +so, in spite of the fact that M. Chevrillon has already written one, +because they are stranger to me, an Englishman, than they could be to +him a Frenchman; and it seems worth while to warn other English readers +of this strangeness. But I would warn them of it only by way of a +recommendation. We all hope that after the war there will be a growing +intimacy between France and England, that the two countries will be +closer to each other than any two countries have ever been before. But +if this is to happen we must not be content with admiring each other. +Mere admiration will die away; indeed, some part of our present +admiration of the French has come from our failure to understand them. +There is a surprise in it which they cannot think flattering, and which +ought never to have been. Perhaps they also have been surprised by us; +for it is certain that we have not known each other, and have been +content with those loose general opinions about each other which are the +common result of ignorance and indifference. + +What we need then is understanding; and these letters will help us to +it. They are, as we should have said before the war, very French, that +is to say, very unlike what an Englishman would write to his mother, or +indeed to any one. Many Englishmen, if they could have read them before +the war, would have thought them almost unmanly; yet the writer +distinguished himself even in the French army. But perhaps unmanly is +too strong a word to be put in the mouth even of an imaginary and stupid +Englishman. No one, however stupid, could possibly have supposed that +the writer was a coward; but it might have been thought that he was +utterly unfitted for war. So the Germans thought that the whole French +nation, and indeed every nation but themselves, was unfitted for war, +because they alone willed it, and rejoiced in the thought of it. And +certainly the French had a greater abhorrence of war even than +ourselves; how great one can see in these letters. The writer of them +never for a moment tries or pretends to take any pleasure in war. His +chief aim in writing is to forget it, to speak of the consolations which +he can still draw from the memories of his past peaceful life, and from +the peace of the sky and the earth, where it is still unravaged. He is, +or was, a painter (one cannot say which, for he is missing), and the +moment he has time to write, he thinks of his art again. It would hardly +be possible for any Englishman to ignore the war so resolutely, to +refuse any kind of consent to it; or, if an Englishman were capable of +such refusal, he would probably be a conscientious objector. We must +romanticise things to some extent if we are to endure them; we must at +least make jokes about them; and that is where the French fail to +understand us, like the Germans. If a thing is bad to a Frenchman, it is +altogether bad; and he will have no dealings with it. He may have to +endure it; but he endures gravely and tensely with a sad Latin dignity, +and so it is that this Frenchman endures the war from first to last. For +that reason the Germans, after their failure on the Marne, counted on +the nervous exhaustion of the French. It was a favourite phrase with +them--one of those formulæ founded on knowledge without understanding +which so often mislead them.--Their formula for us was that we cared for +nothing but football and marmalade.--But reading these letters one can +understand how they were deceived. The writer of them seems to be +always enduring tensely. It is part of his French sincerity never to +accept any false consolation. He will not try to believe what he knows +to be false, even so that he may endure for the sake of France. Yet he +does endure, and all France endures, in a state of mind that would mean +weakness in us and utter collapse in the Germans. The war is to him like +an incessant noise that he tries to forget while he is writing. He does +not write as a matter of duty, and so that his mother may know that he +is still living; rather he writes to her so that he may ease a little +his desire to talk to her. We are used to French sentiment about the +mother; it is a commonplace of French eloquence, and we have often +smiled at it as mere sentimental platitude; but in these letters we see +a son's love for his mother no longer insisted upon or dressed up in +rhetoric, but naked and unconscious, a habit of the mind, a need of the +soul, a support even to the weakness of the flesh. Such affection with +us is apt to be, if not shamefaced, at least a little off-hand. Often it +exists, and is strong; but it is seldom so constant an element in all +joy and sorrow. The most loving of English sons would not often rather +talk to his mother than to any one else; but one knows that this +Frenchman would rather talk to his mother than to any one else, and that +he can talk to her more intimately than to any woman or man. One can see +that he has had the long habit of talking to her thus, so that now he +does it easily and without restraint. He tells her the deepest thoughts +of his mind, knowing that she will understand them better than any one +else. That foreboding which the mother felt about her baby in Morris's +poem has never come true about him: + + 'Lo, here thy body beginning, O son, and thy soul and thy life, + But how will it be if thou livest and enterest into the strife, + And in love we dwell together when the man is grown in thee, + When thy sweet speech I shall hearken, and yet 'twixt thee and me + Shall rise that wall of distance that round each one doth grow, + And maketh it hard and bitter each other's thought to know?' + +This son has lived and entered into the strife indeed; but the wall of +distance has not grown round him; and, as we read these letters, we +think that no French mother would fear the natural estrangement which +that English mother in the poem fears. The foreboding itself seems to +belong to a barbaric society in which there is a more animal division of +the sexes, in which the male fears to become effeminate if he does not +insist upon his masculinity even to his mother. But this Frenchman has +left barbarism so far behind that he is not afraid of effeminacy; nor +does he need to remind himself that he is a male. There is a philosophy +to which this forgetfulness of masculinity is decadence. According to +that philosophy, man must remember always that he is an animal, a proud +fighting animal like a bull or a cock; and the proudest of all fighting +animals, to be admired at a distance by all women unless he condescends +to desire them, is the officer. No one could be further from such a +philosophy than this Frenchman; he is so far from it that he does not +seem even to be aware of its existence. He hardly mentions the Germans +and never expresses anger against them. The worst he says of them almost +makes one smile at its naïve gentleness. 'Unfortunately, contact with +the German race has for ever spoilt my opinion of those people.' They +are to him merely a nation that does not know how to behave. He reminds +one of Talleyrand, who said of Napoleon after one of his rages: 'What a +pity that so great a man should have been so badly brought up.' But +there was malice in that understatement of Talleyrand's; and there is +none in the understatement of this Frenchman. He has no desire for +revenge; his only wish is that his duty were done and that he could +return home to his art and his mother. To the philosophy I have spoken +of that would seem a pitiable state of mind. No one could be less like a +Germanic hero than this French artist; and yet the Germans were in error +when they counted on an easy victory over him and his like, when they +made sure that a conscious barbarism must prevail over an unconscious +civilisation. + +These letters reveal to us a new type of soldier, a new type of hero, +almost a new type of man; one who can be brave without any animal +consolations, who can endure without any romantic illusions, and, what +is more, one who can have faith without any formal revelation. For there +is nothing in the letters more interesting than the religion constantly +expressed or implied in them. The writer is not a Catholic. Catholic +fervour on its figurative side, he says, will always leave him cold. He +finds the fervour of Verlaine almost gross. He seems afraid to give any +artistic expression to his own faith, lest he should falsify it by +over-expression, lest it should seem to be more accomplished than it is. +He will not even try to take delight in it; he is almost fanatically an +intellectual ascetic; and yet again and again he affirms a faith which +he will hardly consent to specify by uttering the name of God. He is shy +about it, as if it might be refuted if it were expressed in any dogmatic +terms. So many victories seem to have been won over faith in the modern +world that his will not throw down any challenge. If it is to live, it +must escape the notice of the vulgar triumphing sceptics, and even of +the doubting habits of his own mind. Yet it does live its own humble and +hesitating life; and in its hesitations and its humility is its +strength. He could not be acclaimed by any eager bishop as a lost sheep +returning repentant to the fold; but he is not lost, nor is the +universe to him anything but a home and the dear city of God even in the +trenches. + +His expression of this faith is always vague, tentative, and +inconclusive. He is certain of something, but he cannot say what; yet he +knows that he is certain, although, if he were to try to express his +certainty in any old terms, he would reject it himself. He knows; but he +cannot tell us or himself what he knows. There are sentences in which, +as M. Chevrillon says, he speaks like an Indian sage; but I do not think +that Indian philosophy would have satisfied him, because it is itself +satisfied. For he is in this matter of faith a primitive, beginning to +build a very small and humble temple out of the ruins of the past. He +has no science of theology, nothing but emotions and values, and a trust +in them. They are for a reality that he can scarcely express at all; and +yet he is the more sure of its existence because of the torment through +which he is passing. He uses that word _torment_ more than once. The war +is to him a martyrdom in which he bears witness to his love, not only +for France, but also for that larger country which is the universe. The +torment makes him more sure of it than ever before; it heightens his +sense of values; and he knows that what matters to a man is not whether +he is joyful or sorrowful, but the quality of his joy and his sorrow. +There are times when, like an Indian sage, he thinks that all life is +contemplation; but this thought is only the last refuge of the spirit +against a material storm. He is not one of those who would go into the +wilderness and lose themselves in the depths of abstract thought; he is +a European, an artist, a lover, one for whom the visible world exists, +and to whom the Christian doctrine of love is but the expression of his +own experience. For a century or more our world, confident in its +strength, its reason, its knowledge, has been undermining that doctrine +with every possible heresy. In sheer wilfulness it has tried to empty +life of all its values. It has made us ashamed of loving anything; for +all love, it has told us, is illusion produced by the will to live, or +the will to power, or some other figment of its own perverse thought. +And now, as a result of that perversity, the storm breaks upon us when +we seem to have stripped ourselves of all shelter against it. The +doctrine of the struggle for life becomes a fact in this war; but, if it +were true, what creature endowed with reason would find life worth +struggling for? Certainly not the writer of these letters. He fought, +not only for his country, but to maintain a contrary doctrine; and we +see him and a thousand others passing through the fiercest trial of +faith at the moment when the mind of man has been by its own perverse +activity stripped most bare of faith. So he cannot even express the +faith for which he is ready to die; but he is ready to die for it. A +few years ago he would have been sneered at for the vagueness of his +language, but no one can sneer now. The dead will not spoil the spring, +he says No, indeed: for by their death they have brought a new spring of +faith into the world. + +A. CLUTTON-BROCK. + + + + +LETTERS OF A SOLDIER + +AUGUST 1914-APRIL 1915 + +PREFACE BY ANDRÉ CHEVRILLON + + + + +PREFACE BY ANDRÉ CHEVRILLON + +The letters that follow are those of a young painter who was at the +front from September [1914] till the beginning of April [1915]; at the +latter date he was missing in one of the battles of the Argonne. Are we +to speak of him in the present tense or in the past? We know not: since +the day when the last mud-stained paper reached them, announcing the +attack in which he was to vanish, what a close weight of silence for +those who during eight months lived upon these almost daily letters! But +for how many women, how many mothers, is a grief like this to-day a +common lot! + +In the studio and amid the canvases upon which the young man had traced +the forms of his dreams, I have seen, piously placed in order on a +table, all the little papers written by his hand. A silent presence--I +was not then aware what manner of mind had there expressed +itself--revisiting this hearth: a mind surely made to travel far abroad +and cast its lights upon multitudes of men. + +It was the mind of a complete artist, but of a poet as well, that had +lurked under the timid reserves of a youth who at thirteen years of age +had left school for the studio, and who had taught himself, without help +from any other, to translate the thoughts that moved him into such words +as the reader will judge of. Here are tenderness of heart, a fervent +love of Nature, a mystical sense of her changing moods and of her +eternal language: all those things of which the Germans, professing +themselves heirs of Goethe and of Beethoven, imagine they have the +monopoly, but of which we Frenchmen have the true perception, and which +move us in the words written by our young countryman for his most dearly +beloved and for himself. + +It is singularly touching to find in the spiritual, grave, and religious +temper of these letters an affinity to the spirit of many others written +from the front. During those weeks, those endless months of winter in +the mud or the frost of the trenches, in the daily sight of death, in +the thought of that death coming upon them also, closing upon them to +seal their eyes for ever, these boys seem to have faced the things of +eternity with a deeper insight and a keener feeling, as each one, in the +full strength of life and youth, dwelt upon the thought of beholding the +world for the last time: + + 'Et le monde allait donc mourir + Avec mes yeux, miroir du monde.' + +Solemn thought for the man who has watched through a long night in some +advance-post, and who, beyond the grey and silent plain where lurks the +enemy, sees a red sun rise yet once more upon the world! 'O splendid +sun, I wish I could see you again!' wrote once, on the evening of his +advance upon French ground, a young Silesian soldier who fell upon the +battlefield of the Marne, and whose Journal has been published. Suddenly +breaks in this mysterious cry in the course of methodical German notes +on food and drink, stages of the march, blistered feet, the number of +villages set on fire. And in how many French letters too have we found +it--that abrupt intuition! It is always the same, in many and various +words: in those of the agriculturist of the Seine-et-Marne, whom I +could name, and who for perhaps the first time in his life takes an +interest in the sunset; in those of the young middle-class Parisian who +had seemed incapable of speech save in terms of unbelief and burlesque; +in those of the artist who utters his emotion in poetry and lifts it up +to the heights of stoical philosophy. Through all unlikenesses, in the +hearts of all--peasant, citizen, soldier, German schoolmaster--one +prevailing thought is revealed; the living man, passing away, feels, at +the approach of eternal night, an exaltation of his sense of the +splendour of the world. O miracle of things! O divine peace of this +plain, of these trees, of these hillsides! And how keenly does the ear +listen for this infinite silence! Or we hear of the immensities of night +where nothing remains except light and flame: far off, the smouldering +of fires; far up, the sparkle of stars, the shapes of constellations, +the august order of the universe. Very soon the rattle of machine-guns, +the thunder of explosives, the clamour of attack will begin anew; there +will again be killing and dying. What a contrast of human fury and +eternal serenity! More or less vaguely, and for a brief moment, there +comes into passing life a glimpse of the profound relation of the simple +things of heaven and earth with the mind of him who contemplates them. +Does man then guess that all these things are indeed himself, that his +little life and the life of the tree yonder, thrilling in the shiver of +dawn, and beckoning to him, are bound together in the flood of universal +life? + + * * * * * + +For the artist of whom we are now reading, such intuitions and such +visions were the delight of long months in the trenches. Under the free +sky, in contact with the earth, in face of the peril and the sight of +death, life seemed to him to take a sudden and strange expansion. 'From +our life in the open air we have gained a freedom of conception, an +amplitude of thought, which will for ever make cities horrible to those +who survive the war.' Death itself had become a more beautiful and a +more simple thing; the death of soldiers on whose dumb shapes he looked +with pious eyes, as Nature took them back into her maternal care and +mingled them with her earth. Day by day he lived in the thought of +eternity. True, he kept a feeling heart for all the horror, and +compassion for all the pain; as to his duty, the reader will know how he +did that. But, suffering 'all the same,' he took refuge in 'the higher +consolations.' 'We must,' he writes to those who love him and whom he +labours--with what constant solicitude!--to prepare for the worst, 'we +must attain to this--that no catastrophe whatsoever shall have power to +cripple our lives, to interrupt them, to set them out of tune. . . . Be +happy in this great assurance that I give you--that up till now I have +raised my soul to a height where events have had no empire over it.' +These are heights upon which, beyond the differences of their teachings +and their creeds, all great religious intuitions meet together; upon +which illusions are no more, and the soul rejects the pretensions of +self, in order to accept what _is_. 'Our sufferings come from our small +human patience taking the same direction as our desires, noble though +they may be. . . . Do not dwell upon the personality of those who pass +away and of those who are left; such things are weighed only in the +scales of men. We should gauge in ourselves the enormous value of what +is better and greater than humanity.' In truth, death is impotent +because it too is illusory, and 'nothing is ever lost.' So this young +Frenchman, who has yet never forgone the language of his Christianity, +rediscovers amid the terrors of war the stoicism of Marcus +Aurelius--that virtue which is 'neither patience nor too great +confidence, but a certain faith in the order of all things, a certain +power of saying of each trial, "It is well."' And, even beyond stoicism, +it is the sublime and antique thought of India that he makes his own, +the thought that denies appearances and differences, that reveals to man +his separate self and the universe, and teaches him to say of the one, +'I am not _this_,' and of the other, '_that_, I am.' Wonderful encounter +of thoughts across the distance of ages and the distance of races! The +meditation of this young French soldier, in face of the enemy who is to +attack on the morrow, resumes the strange ecstasy in which was rapt the +warrior of the _Bhagavad Gita_ between two armies coming to the grapple. +He, too, sees the turbulence of mankind as a dream that seems to veil +the higher order and the Divine unity. He, too, puts his faith in that +'which knows neither birth nor death,' which is 'not born, is +indestructible, is not slain when this body is slain.' This is the +perpetual life that moves across all the shapes it calls up, striving in +each one to rise nearer to light, to knowledge, and to peace. And that +aim is a law and a command to every thinking being that he should give +himself wholly for the general and final good. Thence comes the grave +satisfaction of those who devote themselves, of those who die, in the +cause of life, in the thought of a sacrifice not useless. 'Tell ---- +that if fate strikes down the best, there is no injustice; those who +survive will be the better men. You do not know the things that are +taught by him who falls. I do know.' And even more complete is the +sacrifice when the relinquishment of life, when the renunciation of +self, means the sacrifice of what was dearer than self, and would have +been a life's joy to serve. There was the 'flag of art, the flag of +science,' that the boy loved and had begun to carry--with what a thrill +of pride and faith! Let him learn to fall without regrets. 'It is enough +for him to know that the flag will yet be carried.' + +A simple, a common obedience to the duty at hand is the practical +conclusion of that high Indian wisdom when illusions are past. Not to +retreat into the solitude, not to retire into the inaction, that he has +known and prized; to fight at the side of his brothers, in his own rank, +in his own place, with open eyes, without hope of glory or of gain, and +because such is the law: this is the commandment of the god to the +warrior Arjuna, who had doubted whether he were right in turning away +from the Absolute to take part in the evil dream of war. 'The law for +each is that he should fulfil the functions determined by his own state +and being. Let every man accept action, since he shares in that nature +the methods of which make action necessary.' Plainly, it is for Arjuna +to bend his bow among the other Kshettryas. The young Frenchman had not +doubted. But it will be seen by his letters how, in the horror of +carnage, as in the tedious and patient duties of the mine and the +trench, he too had kept his eyes upon eternal things. + +I would not insist unduly upon this union of thought. He had hardly +gained, through a few extracts from the _Ramayana_, a glimpse of the +august thought of ancient Asia. Yet, with all the modern shades of +ideas, with all the very French precision of form, the soul that is +revealed in these letters, like that of Amiel, of Michelet, of Tolstoi, +of Shelley, shows certain profound analogies with the tender and +mystical genius of the Indies. Strange is that affinity, bearing witness +as it does not only to his profound need of the Universal and the +Absolute, but to his intuitive sympathy with the whole of life, to his +impulses of love for the general soul of fruitfulness and for all its +single and multitudinous forms. 'Love'--this is one of the words most +often recurring in these letters. Love of the country of battle; love of +the plain over which the mornings and the evenings come and go as the +emotions come and go over a sensitive face; love of the trees with their +almost human gesture--of one tree, steadfast and patient in its wounds, +'like a soldier'; love of the beautiful little living creatures of the +fields which, in the silence of earliest morning, play on the edges of +the trench; love of all things in heaven and earth--of that tender sky, +of that French soil with its clear and severe outlines; love, above all, +of those whom he sees in sufferings and in death at his side; love of +the good peasants, the mothers who have given their sons, and who hold +their peace, dry their tears, and fulfil the tasks of the vineyard and +the field; love of those comrades whose misery 'never silenced laughter +and song'--'good men who would have found my fine artistic robes a bad +encumbrance in the way of their plain duty'; love of all those simple +ones who make up France, and among whom it is good to lose oneself; love +of all men living, for it is surely not possible to hate the enemy, +human flesh and blood bound to this earth and suffering as we too +suffer; love of the dead upon whom he looks, in the impassive beauty, +silence, and mystery revealed beneath his meditative eyes. + +It is by his close attention to the interior and spiritual significance +of things that this painter is proved to be a poet, a religious poet who +has sight, in this world, of the essence of being, in ineffable +varieties: painter, and poet, and musician also, for in the trenches he +lives with Beethoven, Handel, Schumann, Berlioz, carrying in his mind +their imaginings and their rhythms, and conceiving also within himself +'the loveliest symphonies fully orchestrated.' Secret riches, intimate +powers of consolation and of joy, able, in the gloomiest hours, in the +dark and the mud of long nights on guard, to speak closely to the soul, +or snatch it suddenly and swiftly to distances and heights. Schumann, +Beethoven: between those two immortal spirits that made music for all +human ears, and the harsh pedants, the angry protagonists of Germanism, +who have succeeded in transforming a people into a war-machine, what +likeness is there? Have we not made the genius of those two ours by +understanding them as we understand them, and by so taking them into our +hearts? Are they not friends of ours? Do they not walk with us in those +blessed solitudes wherein our truest self awakens, and where our +thoughts flow free? + +It is the greatest of all whom a certain group of our soldiers invoke in +those days before the expected battle in which some of them are to fall. +They are in the depths of a dug-out. 'There, in complete darkness, +night was awaited for the chance to get out. But once my fellow +non-commissioned officers and I began humming the nine symphonies of +Beethoven. I cannot tell what great thrill woke those notes within us.' + +That almost sacred song, those heroic inspirations at such a moment--how +do they not give the lie to German theories as to the limitations of +French sensibility! And what poet of any other race than ours has ever +looked upon Nature with more intimate eyes, with a heart more deeply +moved, than his whose inner soul is here expressed? + + * * * * * + +These letters, despatched day by day from the trench or the billet, +follow each other progressively as a poem does, or a song. A whole life +unfolds, the life of a soul which we may watch through the monotony of +its experiences, overcoming them all, or, again, rapt at the coming of +supreme trials (as in February and in April) into perfect peace. It is +well that we should trace the spiritual progress of such a dauntless +will. No history of an interior life was ever more touching. That will +is set to endurance, and terrible at times is the effort to endure; we +divine this beneath the simple everyday words of the narrative. Here is +an artist and a poet; he had chosen his life, he had planned it, by no +means as a life of action. His whole culture, his whole self-discipline, +had been directed to the further refining of a keen natural sensibility. +Necessarily and intentionally he had turned towards solitude and +contemplation. He had known himself to be purely a mirror for the world, +tarnishable under the breath of the crowd. But now it was for him to +lead a life opposed to his former law, contrary to his plan; and this +not of necessity but by a completely voluntary act. That _ego_ he had so +jealously sheltered, in face of the world yet out of the world, he was +now to yield up, to cast without hesitation or regret into the thick of +human wars; he was no longer to spend his days apart from the jostling +and the shouldering and the breath of troops; he was to bear his part in +the mechanism that serves the terrible ends of war. And the close of a +life which he would have pronounced, from his former point of view, to +be slavery--the close might be speedy death. He had to bring himself to +look upon his old life--the life that was lighted by his visions and +his hopes, the life that fulfilled his sense of universal existence--as +a mere dream, perhaps never to be dreamed again. + +That is what he calls 'adapting himself.' And how the word recurs in his +letters! It is a word that teaches him where duty lies, a duty of which +the difficulty is to be gauged by the difference of the present from the +past, of the bygone hope from the present effort. 'In the fulness of +productiveness,' he confesses, 'at the hour when life is flowering, a +young creature is snatched away, and cast upon a barren soil where all +he has cherished fails him. Well, after the first wrench he finds that +life has not forsaken him, and sets to work upon the new ungrateful +ground. The effort calls for such a concentration of energy as leaves no +time for either hopes or fears. And I manage it, except only in moments +of rebellion (quickly suppressed) of the thoughts and wishes of the +past. But I need my whole strength at times for keeping down the pangs +of memory and accepting what is.' + +Indeed, strength was called for day by day. This 'adaptation' was no +transformation. But by a continuous act of vital energy he assimilated +all that he drew from his surroundings. Thus he fed his heart, and kept +his own ideals. This was a way to renounce all things, and by +renunciation to keep the one thing needful, to remain himself, to live, +and not only to live but to flourish; to have a part in that universal +life which produces flowers in nature, art and poetry in man. To gain so +much, all that was needed was to treasure, unaltered by the terrors of +war, a heart eager for all shapes of beauty. For this most religious +poet, beauty was that divine spirit which shines more or less clearly in +all things, and which raises him who perceives it higher than the +accidents of individual existence. And he receives its full influence, +and is rid of all anxiety, who is able to bid adieu to the present and +the past, to regret nothing, to desire nothing, to receive from the +passing moment that influence in its plenitude. 'I accept all from the +hands of fate, and I have captured every delight that lurks under cover +of every moment.' In this state of simplicity, which is almost a state +of grace, he enters into communion with the living reality of the +world. 'Let us eat and drink to all that is eternal, for to-morrow we +die to all that is of earth.' + +That emancipation of the soul is not achieved in a day. The earlier +letters are beautiful, but what they teach is learnt by nearly all our +soldiers. In these he tells of the spirit of the men, their fire of +enthusiasm, their imperious sense of duty, their resolve to carry 'an +undefiled conscience as far as their feet may lead.' Yet already he is +seeking to maintain control of his own private self amid all the +excitement of numbers. And he succeeds. He guards himself, he separates +himself, 'as much as possible,' in the midst of his comrades, he keeps +his intellectual life intact. Meanwhile he is within barrack walls, or +else he is jotting down his letters at a railway station, or else he is +in the stages of an interminable journey, 'forty men to a truck.' But to +know him completely, wait until you see him within the zone of war, in +billets, in the front line, on guard, when he has returned to contact +with the very earth. As soon as he breathes open air, his instincts are +awake again, the instinct 'to draw all the beauty out,' and--in the +shadow where the future hides--'to draw out the utmost beauty as quickly +as may be.' 'I picked flowers in the mud; keep them in remembrance of +me,' he will write in a day of foreboding. A most significant trait is +this--in the tedium of trench days, or when imminent peril silences the +idle tongues, he gathers the greatest number of these magical flowers. +In those moments when speech fails, his soul is serene, it has free +play, and we hear its own fine sounds. Hitherto we had heard the +repetition of the word of courage and of brotherhood uttered by all our +gathering armies. But here, in battle, face to face with the eternities, +that spirit of his sounds like the chord of an instrument heard for the +first time in its originality and its infinite sensibility. Nor are +these random notes; they soon make one harmonious sound and acquire a +most touching significance, until by daily practice he learns how to +abstract himself altogether from the most wretched surroundings. A quite +impersonal _ego_ seems then to detach itself from the particular _ego_ +that suffers and is in peril; it looks impartially upon all things, and +sees its other self as a passing wave in the tide that a mysterious +Intelligence controls. Strange faculty of double existence and of +vision! He possesses it in the midst of the very battle in which his +active valour gained him the congratulations of his commanding officer. +In the furnace in which his flesh may be consumed he looks about him, +and next morning he writes, 'Well, it was interesting.' And he adds, +'what I had kept about me of my own individuality was a certain visual +perceptiveness that caused me to register the setting of things--a +setting that dramatised itself as artistically as in any +stage-management. During all these minutes I never relaxed in my resolve +to see _how it was_.' He then, too, became aware of the meaning of +violence. His tender and meditative nature had always held it in horror. +And, perhaps for that very reason, he sought its explanation. It is by +violence that an imperfect and provisional state of things is shattered, +and what was lax is put into action again. Life is resumed, and a better +order becomes possible. Here again we find his acceptance, his +submission to the Reason that directs the universe; confidence in what +_takes place_--that is his conclusion. + +Such times for him are times of observation properly so called, of purer +thought in which the impulses of the painter and the poet have no share. +That kind of observation is not infrequent with him, when he is dealing +with the world and with human action. It awakes at a war-spectacle, at a +trait of manners, at the reading of a book, at a recollection of history +or art; it is often to the Bible that he turns, and, amid the worst +clamours, to the beautiful plastic images of Greece. Admirable is such +serene energy of a spirit able to live purely as a spirit. It is +admirable, but it is not unique; great intellectual activity is not +uncommon with the French; others of our soldiers are philosophers among +the shells. What does set these letters in a place apart is something +more profound and more organic than thought, and that is sentiment; +sentiment in its infinite and indefinite degrees, its relation to the +aspects of nature--in a word, that poetic faculty which is akin to the +musical, proceeding as they both do from the primitive ground-work of +our being, and uniting in the inflexions of rhythm and of song. I have +already named Shelley in connexion with the poet we are considering. +And it is a Shelleyan union with the most intimate, the most +inexpressible things in nature that is revealed in such a note as the +following: 'A nameless day, a day without form, yet a day in which the +Spring most mysteriously begins to stir. Warm air in the lengthening +days; a sudden softening, a weakening of nature.' In describing this +atmosphere, this too sudden softness, he uses a word frequent in the +vocabulary of Shelley--'fainting.' In truth, like the great English +poet, whom he seems not to have known, he seeks from the beauty of +things a faculty of self-forgetfulness in lyrical poetry, an +inexpressible and blissful passing of the poet's being into the thing he +contemplates. What he makes his own in the course of those weeks, what +he remembers afterwards, and what he would recall, never to lose it +again, is the culminating moment in which he has achieved +self-forgetfulness and reached the ineffable. The simplest of natural +objects is able to yield him such a moment; see, for instance, this +abrupt intuition: 'I had lapsed from my former sense of the benediction +of God, when suddenly the beauty--all the beauty--of a certain tree +spoke to my inmost heart; and then I understood that an instant of such +contemplation is the whole of life.' And still more continuous, still +more vibrant, is at times his emotion, as when the bow draws out to the +utmost a long ecstatic tone from a sensitive violin. 'What joy is this +perpetual thrill in the heart of Nature! That same horizon of which I +had watched the awakening, I saw last night bathe itself in rosy light; +and then the full moon went up into a tender sky, fretted by coral and +saffron trees.' It is very nearly ecstasy with him in that astonishing +Christmas night which no one then at the front can ever forget--a solemn +night, a blue night, full of stars and of music, when the order and the +divine unity of the universe stood revealed to the eyes of men who, free +for a moment from the dream of hatred and of blood, raised one chant +along six miles, 'hymns, hymns, from end to end.' + +Of the carnage in February there are a few precise notes, sufficient to +suggest the increasing horror. The narrative grows quicker; the reader +is aware of the pulse and the impetus of action, the imperious summons +of duty; the young sergeant is in charge of men, and has to execute +terrible tasks. But ever across the tumult and the slaughter, there are +moments of recollection and of compassion; and, in the evening of a day +of battle, what infinite tranquillity among the dead! At this period +there are no more notes of landscape effects; the description is of the +war, technical; otherwise the writer's thought is not of earth at all. +Once only, towards the end, we find a sorrowful recollection of himself, +a profound lamentation at the remembrance of bygone hopes, of bygone +work, of the immensity of the sacrifice. 'This war is long, too long for +those who had something else to do in the world! Why am I so sacrificed, +when so many others, not my equals, are spared? Yet I had something +worth doing to do in the world!' Most touching is that sigh, even more +touching than the signs of greatness in his soul, for it suddenly +breathes an anguish long controlled. It is a human weakness--our own +weakness--that is at last confessed, on the eve of a Passion, as in the +Divine example. At rare times such a question, in the constant sight of +death, in fatigue and weariness, in the long distress of rain and mud, +checks in him the impulse of life and of spiritual desire. He was +himself the young plant of which he writes, growing, creating fragrance +and breaking into flower, sure of God, feeling Him alive within itself. +But all at once it knows frost is coming and the threat of unpitying +things. What if the universe were void, what if in the infinity of the +exterior world there were nothing, across the splendid vision, but an +insensate fatality? What if sacrifice itself were also a delusion? 'Dark +days have come upon me, and nothingness seems the end of all, whereas +all that is in my being had assured me of the plenitude of the +universe.' And he asks himself the anxious question, 'Is it even sure +that moral effort bears any fruit?' It is something like abandonment by +God. But that darkening of his lights passes quickly away. He comes +again to the regions of tranquil thought, and leaves them thenceforward +only for the work in hand. 'I hope,' he writes, 'that when you think of +me you will have in mind all those who have left everything behind, and +how their nearest and dearest think of them only in the past, and say +of them, "We had once a brother, who, many years ago, withdrew from this +world."' How strange is the serenity of these lofty thoughts, how +entirely detached from self and from all human things is this spirit of +contemplation. Two slight traits give us signs: One night, on a +battlefield 'scattered with fragments of men' and with burning +dwellings, under a starry sky, he makes his bed in an excavation, and +lies there watching the crescent moon, and waits for dawn; now and again +a shell bursts, earth falls about him, and then silence returns to the +frozen soil: 'I have paid the price, but I have had moments of solitude +full of God.' Again, one evening, after five days of horror ('we have no +officers left--they all died as brave men'), he suddenly comes upon the +body of a friend; 'a white body, splendid under the moon. I lay down +near him.' In the quietness, by the side of the dead man, nothing +remains but beauty and peace. + + * * * * * + +These letters are to be anonymous, at least so long as any hope remains +that he who was lost may return. It is enough to know that they were +written by a Frenchman who, in love and faith, bore his part in the +general effort, the common peril, glad to renounce himself in the pain +and the devotion of his countrymen. By a happy fortune that he did not +foresee when he left his clean solitude for the sweat, the servitude, +and the throng, he no doubt produced the best of himself in these +letters; and it may be doubted whether, in the course of a successful +artist's life, it would have been given to him to express himself with +so much completeness. This is a thought that may strengthen those who +love him to accept whatever has come to pass. His soul is here, a more +essential soul perhaps, and a more beautiful, than they had known. It +was in war that Marcus Aurelius also wrote his thoughts. Possibly the +worst is needful for the manifestation of the whole of human greatness. +We marvel how the soul can so discover in itself the means to oppose +suffering and death. Thus have many of our sons revealed themselves in +the day of trial, to the wonder of France, until then unaware of all +that she really was. That is how these pages touch us so closely. He who +wrote them had attuned himself with his countrymen. Through the more +mystical acts of his mind we perceive the sublime message sent to us +from the front, more or less explicitly, by others of our brothers and +our sons--the high music that goes up still from the whole of France at +war. In all his comrades assembled for the great task, he too had +recognised the best and the deepest things that his own heart held, and +so he speaks of them constantly--especially of the simplest of the +men--with so great respect and love. Far from ordinary ambitions and +cares, the things that this rough life among the eternities brings into +all hearts with a heretofore unknown amplitude are serenity of +conscience and a freshness of feeling in perpetual touch with the +harmonies of nature. These men do but reflect nature. Since they have +renounced themselves and given themselves, all things have become simple +for them. They have the transparence of soul and the lights of +childhood. 'We spend childish days. We are children.' . . . + +This new youthfulness of heart under the contemned menace of death, this +innocence in the daily fulfilment of heroic duty, is assured by a +spiritual state akin to sanctity. + + + + +LETTERS + + + + +LETTERS OF A SOLDIER + + +_August 6, 1914._ + +MY VERY DEAR MOTHER,--These are my first days of life at war, full of +change, but the fatigue I actually feel is very different from what I +foresaw. + +I am in a state of great nervous tension because of the want of sleep +and exercise. I lead the life of a government clerk. I belong to what is +called the dépôt, I am one of those doing sedentary work, and destined +eventually to fill up the gaps in the fighting line. + +What we miss is news; there are no longer any papers to be had in this +town. + + +_August 13._ + +We are without news, and so it will be for several days, the censorship +being of the most rigorous kind. + +Here life is calm. The weather is magnificent, and all breathes quiet +and confidence. We think of those who are fighting in the heat, and this +thought makes our own situation seem even too good. The spirit among +the reservists is excellent. + + +_Sunday, August 16._ + +To-day a walk along the Marne. Charming weather after a little rain. + +A welcome interlude in these troubled times. We are still without news, +like you, but we have happily a large stock of patience. I have had some +pleasure in the landscape, notwithstanding the invasion of red and blue. +These fine men in red and blue have given the best impression of their +_moral_. Great levies will be made upon our dépôts, to be endured with +fortitude. + + +_August 16_ (from a note-book). + +The monotony of military life benumbs me, but I don't complain. After +nine years these types are to be rediscovered, a little less marked, +improved, levelled down. Just now every one is full of grave thoughts +because of the news from the East. + +The ordinary good-fellowship of the mess has been replaced by a finer +solidarity and a praiseworthy attempt at adaptation. One of the +advantages of our situation is that we can, as it were, play at being +soldiers with the certainty of not wasting our time. All these childish +and easy occupations, which are of immediate result and usefulness, +bring back calm to the mind and soothe the nerves. Then the great stay +which supports the men is a profound, vague feeling of brotherhood which +turns all hearts towards those who are fighting. Each one feels that the +slight discomfort which he endures is only a feeble tribute to the +frightful expense of all energy and all devotedness at the front. + + +_August 25._ + +This letter will barely precede our own departure. The terrible conflict +calls for our presence close to those who are already in the midst of +the struggle. I leave you, grandmother and you, with the hope of seeing +you again, and the certainty that you will approve of my doing all that +seems to me my duty. + +Nothing is hopeless, and, above all, nothing has changed our idea of the +part we have to play. + +Tell all those who love me a little that I think of them. I have no time +to write to any one. My health is of the best. + +. . . After such an upheaval we may say that our former life is dead. +Dear mother, let us, you and I, with all our courage adapt ourselves to +an existence entirely different, however long it may last. + +Be very sure that I won't go out of my way to do anything that endangers +our happiness, but that I'll try to satisfy my conscience, and yours. Up +till now I am without cause for self-reproach, and so I hope to remain. + + +_August 25_ (2nd letter). + +A second letter to tell you that, instead of our regiment, it was +Pierre's that went. I had the joy of seeing him pass in front of me when +I was on guard in the town. I accompanied him for a hundred yards, then +we said good-bye. I had a feeling that we should meet again. + +It is the gravest of hours; the country will not die, but her +deliverance will be snatched only at the price of frightful efforts. + +Pierre's regiment went covered with flowers, and singing. It was a deep +consolation to be together till the end. + +It is fine of André[1] to have saved his drowning comrade. We don't +realise the reserve of heroism there is in France, and among the young +intellectual Parisians. + +In regard to our losses, I may tell you that whole divisions have been +wiped out. Certain regiments have not an officer left. + +As for my state of mind, my first letter will perhaps tell you better +what I believe to be my duty. Know that it would be shameful to think +for one instant of holding back when the race demands the sacrifice. My +only part is to carry an undefiled conscience as far as my feet may +lead. + +[Footnote 1: Second Lieutenant André Cadoux, who died gloriously in +battle on April 13, 1915.] + + +_August 26._ + +MY VERY DEAR MOTHER,--I was made happy by Maurice Barrés's fine article, +'l'Aigle et le Rossignol,' which corresponds in every detail with what I +feel. + +The dépôts contain some failures, but also men of fine energy, among +whom I dare not yet count myself, but with whom I hope to set out. The +major had dispensed me from carrying a knapsack, but I carry it for +practice and manage quite well. + +The only assurance which I can give you concerns my own moral and +physical state, which is excellent. The true death would be to live in a +conquered country, above all for me, whose art would perish. + +I isolate myself as much as I can, and I am really unaffected, from the +intellectual point of view. Besides, the atmosphere of the mess is well +above that of normal times: the trouble is that the constant moving and +changing drags us about from place to place, and growing confidence +falters before the perpetually recurring unknown. + + +_August 30._ + +. . . My little mother, it is certain that though we did not leave +yesterday, it is yet only a question of hours. I won't say to you +anything that I have already said, content only that I have from you the +approval of which I was certain. + +. . . In the very hard march yesterday only one man fell out, really ill. +France will come out of this bad pass. + +I can only repeat to you how well I am prepared for all eventualities, +and that nothing can undo our twenty-seven years of happiness. I am +resolved not to consider myself foredoomed, and I fancy the joy of +returning, but I am ready to go to the end of my strength. If you knew +the shame I should endure to think that I might have done something +more! + +In the midst of all this sadness we live through magnificent hours, when +the things that used to be most strange take on an august significance. + + +_September 4, 6 o'clock_ +(_on the way, in the train_). + +We have had forty hours of a journey in which the picturesque outdoes +even the extreme discomfort. The great problem is sleep, and the +solution is not easy when there are forty in a cattle-truck. + +The train stops every instant, and we encounter the unhappy refugees. +Then the wounded: fine spectacle of patriotism. The English army. The +artillery. + +We no longer know anything, having no more papers, and we can't trust +the rumours which fly among the distraught population. + +Splendid weather. + + +_Saturday, September 5_ (_at the end +of 60 hours in a cattle-truck: +40 men to a truck_). + +On the same day we skirted the Seine opposite the forest of +Fontainebleau and the banks of the Loire. Saw the château de Blois and +the château d'Amboise. Unhappily the darkness prevented us from seeing +more. How can I tell you what tender emotions I felt by these +magnificent banks of the Loire! + +Are you bombarded by the frightful aeroplanes? I think of you in such +conditions and above all of poor Grandmother, who indeed had little need +to see all this! However, we must hope. + +We learn from wounded refugees that in the first days of August mistakes +were made in the high command which had terrible consequences. It falls +to us now to repair those mistakes. + +Masses of English troops arrive. We have crossed numbers of crowded +trains. + +Well, this war will not have been the mere march-past which many +thought, but which I never thought, it would be; but it will have +stirred the good in all humanity. I do not speak of the magnificent +things which have no immediate connection with the war,--but nothing +will be lost. + + +_September 5, 1914_ (_1st halting-place, +66 hours in the cage without being +able to stretch_). + +Still the same jolting and vibration, but three times after the horrible +night there has come the glory of the morning, and all fatigue has +disappeared. + +We have crossed the French country in several directions, from the +rather harsh serenity, full of suggestiveness, of Champagne, to the rich +robust placidity of Brittany. On the way we followed the full and noble +banks of the Loire, and now . . . + +O my beautiful country, the heart of the world, where lies all that is +divine upon earth, what monster sets upon you--a country whose offence +is her beauty! + +I used to love France with sincere love, which was more than a little +_dilettante_; I loved her as an artist, proud to live in the most +beautiful of lands; in fact, I loved her rather as a picture might love +its frame. It needed this horror to make me know how filial and profound +are the ties which bind me to my country. . . . + + +_September 7_ +(from a note-book). + +. . . We are embarked on the adventure, without any dominant feeling +except perhaps a sufficiently calm acceptance of this fatality. But +sensibility is kept awake by the sight of the victims, particularly the +refugees. Poor people, truly uprooted, or rather, dead leaves in the +storm, little souls in great circumstances. + +Whole trains of cattle-trucks, which can hardly be said to have changed +their use! Trains in which is heaped up the desolation of these people +torn from their homes, and how quickly become as beasts! Misery has +stripped them of all their human attributes. We take them food and +drink, and that is how they become exposed: the man drinks without +remembering his wife and children. The woman thinks of her child. But +other women take their time, unable to share in the general haste. Among +these waifs there is one who assails my heart,--a grandmother of +eighty-seven, shaken, tossed about by all these blows, being by turns +hoisted into and let down from the rolling cages. So trembling and +disabled, so lost. . . . + + +_September 10_ (from a note-book). + +We arrive in a new part of the country on the track of good news: the +strong impression is that France's future is henceforth assured. +Everything corroborates this feeling, from the official report which +formally announces a complete success down to the most fantastic +rumours. + + +_September 13_ (from a note-book). + +This is war; here are we approaching the place of horror. We have left +behind the French villages where peace was still sleeping. Now there is +nothing but tumult. And here are direct victims of the war. + +The soldiers: blood, mud and dirt. The wounded. Those whom we pass at +first are the least suffering--wounds in arms, in hands. In most of them +can clearly be seen, in the midst of their fatigue and distress, great +relief at having been let off comparatively easily. + +Farther on, towards the ambulances, the burying of the dead: there are +six, stretched on two waggons. Smoothed out, and covered with rags, they +are taken to an open pit at the foot of a Calvary. Some priests conduct, +rather than celebrate, the service, military as they have become. A +little straw and some holy water over all, and so we pass on. After all, +these dead are happy: they are cared-for dead. What can be said of those +who lie farther on and who have passed away after nights of the throes +of death and abandonment. + +. . . From this agony there will remain to us an immense yearning for pity +and brotherhood and goodness. + + +_Wednesday, September 16, 1914._ + +In the horror-zone. + +The rainy twilight shadows the road, and suddenly, in a ditch--the dead! +They have dragged themselves here from the battlefield--they are all +corrupt now. The coming of darkness makes it difficult to distinguish +their nationality, but the same great pity envelops them all. Only one +word for them: poor boy! The night for these ignominies--and then again +the morning. The day rises upon the swollen bodies of dead horses. In +the corner of a wood, carnage, long cold. + +One sees only open sacks, ripped nose-bags. Nothing that looks like life +remains. + +Among them some civilians, whose presence is due to the German +proceeding of making French hostages march under our fire. + +If these notes should reach any one, may they give rise in an honest +heart to horror of the foul crime of those responsible for this war. +There will never be enough glory to cover all the blood and all the +mud. + + +_September 21, 1914._ + +War in rain. + +It is suffering beyond what can be imagined. Three days and three nights +without being able to do anything but tremble and moan, and yet, in +spite of all, perfect service must be rendered. + +To sleep in a ditch full of water has no equivalent in Dante, but what +can be said of the awakening, when one must watch for the moment to kill +or to be killed! + +Above, the roar of the shells drowns the whistling of the wind. Every +instant, firing. Then one crouches in the mud, and despair takes +possession of one's soul. + +When this torment came to an end I had such a nervous collapse that I +wept without knowing why--late, useless tears. + + +_September 25._ + +Hell in so calm and pastoral a place. The autumnal country pitted and +torn by cannon! + + +_September 27._ + +If, apart from the greater lessons of the war, there are small immediate +benefits to be had, the one that means most to me is the contemplation +of the night sky. Never has the majesty of the night brought me so much +consolation as during this accumulation of trials. Venus, sparkling, is +a friend to me. . . . + +I am now familiar with the constellations. Some of them make great +curves in the sky as if to encircle the throne of God. What glory! And +how one evokes the Chaldean shepherds! + +O constellations! first alphabet!. . . + + +_October 1._ + +I can say that, as far as the mind goes, I have lived through great days +when all vain preoccupations were swept away by a new spirit. + +If there should ever be any lapse so that only one of my letters reaches +you, may it be one that says how beneficial, how precious have these +torments been! + + +_October 1_ (from a note-book). + +It follows from this that our suffering, every moment of it, should be +considered as the most marvellous source of feeling and of progress for +the conscience. + +I now know into what domain my destiny leads me. No longer towards the +proud and illusory region of pure speculation, but in the way of all +little daily things--it is there that I must carry the service of an +ever-vigilant sensibility. + +I see how easily an upright nature may dispense with the arts of +expression in order to be helpful in act and in influence. Precious +lesson, which will enable me, should I return, to suffer less if fate no +longer allows me to paint. + + +_October 9._ + +It seems that we have the order to attack. I do not want to risk this +great event without directing my thoughts to you in the few moments of +quiet that are left. . . . Everything here combines to maintain peace in +the heart: the beauty of the woods in which we live, the absence of +intellectual complications. . . . It is paradoxical, as you say, but the +finest moments of my moral life are those that have just gone by. . . . + + * * * * * + +Know that there will always be beauty on earth, and that man will never +have enough wickedness to suppress it. I have gathered enough of it to +store my life. May our destiny allow me time later to bring to fruit all +that I have gathered now. It is something that no one can snatch from +us, it is treasure of the soul which we have amassed. + + +_October 12._ + +Up till now your love and Providence do not forsake me. . . . We are +still in the magnificent devastated woods, in the midst of the finest +autumn. Nature brings many joys which dominate these horrors. Profound +and powerful hope, whatever suffering still awaits us. + + +_October 14._ + +It is true, dear mother, that some renunciation costs a great deal of +effort, but be sure that we both possess the necessary strength of soul +to live through these difficult hours without catching our breath in +painful longing at the idea of the return we both crave for. + +The great thing is to know the value of the present moment and to make +it yield all that it has of good and beauty and edification. For the +rest, no one can guarantee the future, and it would be vain and futile +torment to live wondering what might happen to us. Don't you think that +life has dispensed us many blessings, and that one of the last, and the +greatest, is that we have been able to communicate with each other and +to feel our union? There are many unfortunate people here who do not +know where their wives and children are, who have been for three months +isolated from all. You see that we are still among the lucky ones. + +Dear mother, less than ever ought we to despair, for never shall we be +more truly convinced that all this agitation and delirium of mankind's +are nothing in view of the share of eternity which each one carries +within himself, and that all these monstrosities will end in a better +future. This war is a kind of cataclysm which succeeds to the old +physical upheavals of our globe; but have you not noticed that, in the +midst of all this, a little of our soul is gone from us, and that we +have lost something of our conviction of a Higher Order? Our sufferings +come from our small human patience taking the same direction as our +desires, noble though they may be. But as soon as we set ourselves to +question things in order to discover their true harmony, we find rest +unto our souls. How do we know that this violence and disorder are not +leading the universal destinies towards a final good? + +Dear mother, still cherishing the firmest and most human hope, I send my +deepest love to you and to my beloved grandmother. + +Send also all my love to our friends who are in trouble. Help them to +bear everything: two crosses are less heavy to carry than one. And +confidence in our eternal joy. + + +_October 15, 7 o'clock._ + +I have received your card of the 1st. What joy it gives me that we +should be at last in touch with each other. Certainly, our thoughts have +never been apart. You tell me of Marthe's misfortune, and I am happy +that you can be useful to her. Dear mother, that is the task that +belongs to us both: to be useful at the present moment without reference +to the moment that is to follow. + +Yes, indeed, I feel deeply with you that I have a mission in life. But +one must act in each instant as though that mission was having immediate +fulfilment. Do not let us keep back one single small corner of our +hearts for our small hopes. We must attain to this--that no catastrophe +whatsoever shall have power to cripple our lives, to interrupt them, to +set them out of tune. That is the finest work, and it is the work of +this moment. The rest, that future which we must not question--you will +see, mother dear, what it holds of beauty and goodness and truth. Not +one of our faculties must be used in vain, and all useless anxiety is a +harmful expense. + +Be happy in this great assurance that I give you--that up till now I +have raised my soul to a height where events have had no empire over it, +and I promise you that my effort will be still to make ready my soul as +much as I can. + +Tell M---- that if fate strikes down the best, there is no injustice: +those who survive will be the better men. Let her accept the sacrifice, +knowing that it is not in vain. You do not know the things that are +taught by him who falls. I do know. + +To him who can read life, present events have broken all habit of +thought, but they allow him more glimpses than ever before of eternal +beauty and order. + +Let us recover from the surprise of this laceration, and adapt ourselves +without loss of time to the new state of things which turns us into +people as privileged as Socrates and the Christian martyrs and the men +of the Revolution. We are learning to despise all in life that is merely +temporary, and to delight in that which life so seldom yields: the love +of those things that are eternal. + + +_October 16._ + +We are living for some days in comparative calm; between two storms my +company is deserving of special rest. Also I am thoroughly enjoying this +month of October. Your fine letter of October 2 reaches me, and I am now +full of happiness, and there is profound peace. + +Let us continue to arm ourselves with courage, do not let us even speak +of patience. Nothing but to accept the present moment with all the +treasures which it brings us. That is all there is to do, and it is +precisely in this that all the beauty of the world is concentrated. +There is something, dear mother, something outside all that we have +habitually felt. Apply your courage and your love of me to uncovering +this, and laying it bare for others. + +This new beauty has no reference to the ideas expressed in the words +health, family, country. One perceives it when one distinguishes the +share of the eternal which is in everything. But let us cherish this +splendid presentiment of ours--that we shall meet again: it will not in +any way impede our task. Tell M---- how much I think of her. Alas! her +case is not unique. This war has broken many a hope; so, dear mother, +let us put our hope there where the war cannot attain to it, in the deep +places of our heart, and in the high places of our soul. + + +_October 17, 3 o'clock._ + +To write to you and to know that my letters reach you is a daily +paradise to me. I watch for the hour when it is possible to write. + +Yes, beloved mother, you must feel a revival of courage and desire to +live; never must a single affection, however good, be counted as a +pretext for life. No accident should make us forget the reason we are +alive. Of course, we can prefer this or that mission in life, but let us +accept the one which presents itself, however surprising or passing it +may be. You feel as I do, that happiness is in store for us, but let us +not think of it. Let us think of the actions of to-day, of all the +sacrifices they imply. + + +_October 22._ + +I accept all from the hands of fate, and I have captured every delight +that lurks under cover of every moment. + +Ah! if men only knew how much peace they squander, and how much may be +contained in one minute, how far less would they suffer from this +seeming violence. No doubt there are extreme torments that I do not yet +know, and which perhaps test the soul in a way I do not suspect, but I +exert all the strength of my soul to accept each moment and each test. +What is necessary is to recognise love and beauty triumphant over +violence. No few seasons of hate and grief will have the power to +overthrow eternal beauty, and of this beauty we all have an imperishable +store. + + +_October 23._ + +MY VERY DEAR MOTHER,--I have re-read Barrés's article, 'l'Aigle et le +Rossignol.' It is still as beautiful, but it no longer seems in complete +harmony. Now nothing exists outside the absolute present; everything +else is like ornaments put to one side until the holiday, the far-off, +uncertain holiday. But what does it matter!--the ornaments are treasured +up in safety. Thus do I cherish the treasures of affection, of +legitimate ambition, of praiseworthy aspiration. All of these I have +covered over, and I live but in the present moment. + +This morning, under the fine sky, I remembered the music of yesterday: I +was full of happiness. Forgive me for not living in an anguish of +longing to return. I believe that you approve of my giving back our +dearest hopes into other hands than ours. + + +_October 27._ + +If, as I hope intensely, I have the joy of seeing you again, you will +know the miraculous way in which I have been led by Providence. I have +only had to bow before a power and a beneficence which surpassed all my +proud conceptions. + +I can say that God has been within me as I am within God, and I make +firm resolves always to feel such a communion. + +You see, the thing is to put life to good account, not as we understand +it, even in our noblest affections, but in saying to ourselves: Let us +eat and drink to all that is eternal, for to-morrow we die to all that +is of earth. We acquire an increase of love in that moment when we +renounce our mean and anxious hopes. + + +_October 28._ + +This is nearly the end of the third month of a terrible trial, from +which the lessons will be wide and salutary not only to him who will +know how to listen, but to all the world, and therein lies the great +consolation for those who are involved in this torment. Let it also be +the consolation of those whose hopes are with the combatants. + +This consolation consists especially in the supernaturally certain +conviction that all divine and immortal energy, working through mankind, +far from being enfeebled, will, on the contrary, be exalted and more +intensely effectual at the end of these storms. + +Happy the man who will hear the song of peace as in the 'Pastoral +Symphony,' but happy already he who has foreknowledge of it amid the +tumult! And what does it matter in the end that this magnificent +prophecy is fulfilled in the absence of the prophet! He who has guessed +this has gleaned great joy upon earth. We can leave it to a higher being +to pronounce if the mission is accomplished. + + +_October 28_ (2nd letter, almost +at the same hour). + +MY DEAR, DEAR MOTHER,--Another welcome moment to spend with you. We can +never say any but the same thing, but it is so fine a thing that it can +always be said in new ways. + +To-day we are living under a sky of great clouds as swift and cold as +those of the Dutch landscape painters. + + * * * * * + +Dear, I dare not wish for anything--it must not be. I must not even +consider a partial relaxation. I assure you that the effort for +endurance is less painful than certain times of intensive preparation +that we have passed through. Only we can each moment brace ourselves in +a kind of resistance against what is evil in us, and leave every door +open to the good which comes from without. + +. . . I am glad that you have read Tolstoi: he also took part in war. He +judged it; he accepted its teaching. If you can glance at the admirable +_War and Peace_, you will find pictures that our situation recalls. It +will make you understand the liberty for meditation that is possible to +a soldier who desires it. + +As to the disability which the soul might be supposed to suffer through +the lack of all material well-being, do not believe in it. We lead the +life of rabbits on the first day of the season's shooting, and, +notwithstanding that, we can enrich our souls in a magnificent way. + + +_October 30._ + +I write to you in a marvellous landscape of grey autumn lashed by the +wind. But for me the wind has always been without sadness, because it +brings to me the spirit of the country beyond the hill. . . . + +The horrible war does not succeed in tearing us from our intellectual +habitation. In spite of moments of overwhelming noise, one more or less +recovers oneself. The ordinary course of our present existence gives us +a sensibility like that of a raw wound, aware of the least breath. +Perhaps after this spoliation of our moral skin a new surface will be +formed, and those who return will be for the time brutally insensitive. +Never mind: this condition of crisis for the soul cannot remain without +profit. + +Yesterday we were in a pretty Meuse village, all the more charming in +contrast with the surrounding ruins. + +I was able to have a shirt washed, and while it dried I talked to the +excellent woman who braves death every day to maintain her hearth. She +has three sons, all three soldiers, and the news she has of them is +already old. One of them passed within a few kilometres of her: his +mother knew it and was not able to see him. Another of these Frenchwomen +keeps the house of her son-in-law who has six children. . . . + +For you, duty lies in acceptance of all and, at the same time, in the +most perfect confidence in eternal justice. + +Do not dwell upon the personality of those who pass away and of those +who are left; such things are weighed only with the scales of men. We +must gauge in ourselves the enormous value of what is better and greater +than humanity. + +Dear mother, absolute confidence. In what? We both already know. + + +_October 30, 10 o'clock._ + +Up till now I have possessed the wisdom that renounces all, but now I +hope for a wisdom that accepts all, turning towards what may be to come. +What matter if the trap opens beneath the steps of the runner. True, he +does not attain his end, but is he wiser who remains motionless under +the pretext that he might fall? + + +_November 1, All Saints', 8 o'clock._ + +Last night I received your card of 24-25th. While you were looking at +that moon, clouded from us, you were very wrong to feel yourself so +helpless; how much reason had you to hope! At that very moment I was +being protected by Providence in a way that rebukes all pride. + +The next day we had the most lovely dawn over the deeply coloured autumn +woods in this country where I made my sketches of three years ago; but +just here the landscape becomes accentuated and enlarged and acquires a +pathetic majesty. How can I tell you the grandeur of the horizon! We are +remaining in this magnificent place, and this is All Saints' Day! + +At the moment, I write to you in the silvery light of a sun rising over +the valley mists; we are conscious of the sleeping country for forty +kilometres around, and battle hardly disturbs the religious gravity of +the scene. + +Do love my proposed picture! It makes a bond with my true career. If it +is vouchsafed to me to return, the form of the picture may change, but +its essence is contained in the sketch. + +_Mid-day._--Splendid All Saints' Day profaned by violence. + +Glory of the day. . . . + + +_November 2, All Souls'._ + +Splendid feast of sun and of joy in the glorious beauty of a Meusian +landscape. Hope confines itself in the heart, not daring to insult the +grief of those for whom this day is perhaps the first day of +bereavement. + +Dear beloved mother, twenty-eight years ago you were in a state of +mourning and hope to-day, the agony is as full of hope as then. It is at +a different age that these new trials occur, but a whole life of +submission prepares the way to supreme wisdom. + +What joy is this perpetual thrill in the heart of Nature! That same +horizon of which I had watched the awakening, I saw last night bathe +itself in rosy light; then the full moon went up into a tender sky, +fretted by coral and saffron trees. + +Dear, the frightful record of martyrdom of the best French youth cannot +go on indefinitely. It is impossible that the flower of a whole race can +disappear. + +There must be some nobler task than war for the nation's genius! I have +a secret conviction of a better near future. May our courage and our +union lead us to this better thing. Hope, hope always! I received +grandmother's dear letter and M.R.'s kind and affectionate card. + +Dear, have you this beautiful sun to-day? How noble is the country and +how good is Nature! To him who listens she says that nothing will ever +be lost. + + +_November 4, 10 o'clock._ + +I live only through your thoughts and in the blessings of Nature. This +morning our chiefs menaced us with a march of twenty kilometres, and +this threat fulfilled itself in the form of a charming walk in the +landscape that I love so much. + +Exquisite vapours, which we see lifting hour by hour at the call of a +temperate sun; and, yonder, those high plateaux which command a vast +panorama, where everything is finely drawn, or rather is just felt in +the mist. . . . + +There are hills furnished with bare trees holding up their charming +profiles. I think of the primitives, of their sensitive and +conscientious landscapes. What scrupulous majesty, of which the first +sight awes with its grandeur, and the detail is profoundly moving! + +You see, dear mother, how God dispenses blessings that are far greater +than griefs. It is not even a question of patience, since time has no +longer any meaning for us, for it is not a matter of any calculable +duration. But then, what richness of emotion in each present minute! + +This then is our life, of which I wrote to you that not one event must +make of it something unachieved, interrupted; and I hope to preserve +this wisdom. But at the same time I want to ally it with another wisdom +which looks to the future, even if the future is forbidden to us. Yes, +let us take all from the hands of the present (and the present brings us +so many treasures!), but let us also prepare for the future. + + +_November 5, 8 o'clock._ + +DEAR MOTHER,--Do not hide from me anything of what happens in Paris, of +your cares, or your occupations. All that you will decide is for the +best. My own happiness, in the midst of all this, lies just in that +security I have in thinking of your spirit. + +The weather is still exquisite and very soft. To-day, without leaving +the beautiful region to which we came on September 20th, we have +returned to the woods. I like that less than the wide open view, but +there is prettiness here too. And then the sky, now that the leaves have +fallen, is so beautiful and so tender. + +I have written to C----. I will write to Mme. C----. I hope for a letter +from you. If you knew how much the longer is a day without news! It is +true I have your old letters, but the new letter has a fragrance which I +now can't do without. + + +_November 6._ + +Yesterday, without knowing why, I was a little sad: what soldiers call +_avoir le cafard_. My sadness arose from my having parted the day before +with a book of notes which I had decided to send to you in a package. +The events of the day before yesterday, albeit pacific, had so hustled +me that I was not able to attend to this unfortunate parcel as I should +have liked. Also, I was divided between two anxieties: the first, lest +the package should not reach you, and lest these notes, which have been +my life from the 1st to the 20th of October, should be lost. The second, +on the contrary, was lest it should reach you before the arrival of +explaining letters, which might seem strange to you, the sending-off +having probably been done in another name, and the cover of my copybook +bearing my directions that the notes should be forwarded to you if +necessary. + + * * * * * + +. . . To-day we are living in the most intimate and delicate Corot +landscape. + +From the barn where we have established our outpost, I see, first, the +road with puddles left by the rain; then some tree-stumps; then, beyond +a meadow, a line of willows beside a charming running stream. In the +background, a few houses are veiled in a light mist, keeping the +delicate darks which our dear landscape-painter felt so nobly. + +Such is the peace of this morning. Who would believe that one has but to +turn one's head, and there is nothing but conflagration and ruin!. . . + + +_November 7, 8 A.M._ + +I have just had your card of the 30th announcing the sending-off of a +packet. How kind this is! how much thought is given to us! All this +sweetness is appreciated to the full. + +Yesterday, a delicious November day. This morning, too much fog for the +enjoyment of nature. But yesterday afternoon! + +Delicate, refined weather, in which everything is etched as it were on a +misty mirror. The bare shrubs, near our post, have been visited by a +flock of green birds, with white-bordered wings; the cocks have black +heads with a white spot. How can I tell you what it was to hear the +solitary sound of their flight in this stillness!--That is one good +thing about war: there can be only a certain amount of evil in the +world; now, all of this being used by man against man, beasts at any +rate are so much the better off--at least the beasts of the wood, our +customary victims. + +If you could only see the confidence of the little forest animals, such +as the field-mice! The other day, from our leafy shelter I watched the +movements of these little beasts. They were as pretty as a Japanese +print, with the inside of their ears rosy like a shell. And then another +time we watched the migration of the cranes: it is a moving thing to +hear them cry in the dusk. + + * * * * * + +. . . What a happiness to see that you are drawing. Yes, do this for us +both. If you knew how I itch to express in paint all our emotions! If +you have read my letters of all this time you will know my privation, +but also my happiness. + +_Monday, November 9, 7 o'clock._ + +. . . We have returned to the wide open view that I love so much. +Unfortunately we can only catch a glimpse of it through mouse-holes. +Well, it is always so!. . . + +. . . All these days I have been feeling the charm of a country lying in +autumn sweetness. This peace was troubled yesterday by the poignant +sight of a burning village. It is not the first we have seen, and yet we +have not grown used to it. + +We had taken up our observation-posts; it was still dark. From our +height we saw the tremendous flare and, at daybreak, the charming +village, sheltering in the valley, was nothing but smoke. This, in the +silvery nimbus of a glorious morning. + +From our mouse-trap we had looked to the distance with its prettily +winding road, its willow-bordered stream, its Calvary: all this harmony +to end in the horror of destruction. + +The Germans had set fire to it by hand in the night; they had been +dislodged from it after two nights of fierce fighting: their action may +be interpreted as an intention to retreat at this point. This +proceeding, generally detested by our soldiers, is, I think, forced by +strategic necessity. When a village is destroyed it is very difficult +for us in the rear to make any kind of use of it. All day we have been +witnessing this devastation, while above our heads the little field-mice +are taking advantage of the straw in which we are to sleep. + +Our existence, as infantry, is a little like that of rabbits in the +shooting season. The more knowing of us, at any rate, are perpetually on +the look-out for a hole. As soon as we are buried in it, we are ordered +not to move again. These wise orders are unfortunately not always given +with discrimination; thus, yesterday there were four of us in an +advance-trench situated in a magnificent spot and perfectly hidden +beneath leaves. We should have been able to delight in the landscape but +for the good corporal, who was afraid to allow us even a little +enjoyment of life. Later the artillery came up with a tremendous din and +showed us the use of these superlative precautions. + +None the less, I have been able to enjoy the landscape--alas! a scene of +smoke and tragedy yesterday. Be sure, beloved mother, that I do not wish +to commit a single imprudence, but certainly this war is the triumph of +Fate, of Providence and Destiny. + +I pray ardently to deserve the grace of return, but apart from a few +moments of only human impatience, I can say that the greater part of my +being is given up to resignation. + + +_November 10, 11 o'clock._ + +MY VERY DEAR MOTHER,--What shall I say to you to-day--a day monotonous +with fog. Occupations that are stupefying, not in themselves, but +because of the insipid companionship. I fall back on myself. Yesterday I +wrote you a long letter, telling you among other things how dear your +letters are to me. When I began to write on this sheet I was a little +weary and troubled, but now that I am with you I become happy, and I +immediately remember whatever good fortune this day has brought me. + +This morning the lieutenant sent me to get some wire from headquarters, +in a devastated village which we have surrounded for six weeks. I went +down through the orchards full of the last fallen plums. A few careless +soldiers were gathering them up into baskets. A charming scene, purely +pastoral and bucolic, in spite of the red trousers--very faded after +three months' campaign. . . . + +I am happy in the affection of Ch---- R----. His is a nature according +in all its elements with my own. I am sure that he will not be cross +with me for not writing, especially if you give a kind message from me +to his wife. + +The little task confided to me meant walking from nightfall until nine +o'clock, but I occasionally lay down in a shelter or in a barn instead +of getting back to the trenches for the night. + +I do not have good nights of reading now, but sometimes when S---- and I +are lying side by side in the trench, you would not believe what a +mirage we evoke and what joy we have in stirred-up memories. Ah, how +science and intellectual phenomena lead us into a very heaven of +legends, and what pleasure I get from the marvellous history of this +metal, or that acid! For me the thousand and one nights are renewing +themselves. And then at waking, sometimes, the blessing of a dawn. That +is the life I have led since the 13th or 14th of October. I ask for +nothing, I am content that in such a war we should have relatively a +great deal of calm. + +You cannot imagine what a consolation it is to know that you give your +heart to what concerns me. What pleasure I have in imagining you +interested in my books, looking at my engravings!. . . + +_November 12, 3 o'clock._ + +. . . To-day we have had a march as pleasant as the first one, in weather +of great beauty. We saw, in the blue and rosy distance, the far-off peak +of the Metz hills, and the immense panorama scattered over with +villages, some of which gathered up the morning light, while others were +merely suggested. + +This is the broad outline of our existence: for three days we stay close +to the enemy, living in well-constructed shelters which are improved +each time; then we spend three days a little way back; and then three +days in billets in a neighbouring village, generally the same. We even +gradually form habits--very passing ones, but still, we have a certain +amount of contact with the civil population which has been so sorely +tried. The woollen things are very effectual and precious. + +. . . We have good people to deal with. The dear woman from whose dwelling +I write to you, and with whom I stayed before, wears herself to death +to give us a little of what reminds us of home. + +But, dear mother, what reminds me of home is here in my heart. It is not +eating on plates or sitting on a chair that counts. It is your love, +which I feel so near. . . . + + +_November 14._ + +Since half-past eight on the evening of the 12th we have been dragged +about from place to place in the prospect of our taking part in a +violent movement. We left at night, and in the calm of nature my +thoughts cleared themselves a little, after the two days in billets +during which one becomes a little too material. Our reinforcement went +up by stealth. We awaited our orders in a barn, where we slept on the +floor. Then we filed into the woods and fields, which the day, breaking +through grey, red, and purple clouds, slowly lit up, in surroundings the +most romantic and pathetic that could be imagined. In the full daylight +of a charming morning we learnt that the troops ahead of us had +inflicted enormous losses on the enemy, and had even made a very slight +advance. We then returned to our usual posts, and here I am again, +beholding once more the splendour of the French country, so touching in +this grey, windy, and impassioned November, with sunshine thrown in +patches upon infinite horizons. + +Dear mother, how beautiful it is, this region of spacious dignity, where +all is noble and proportioned, where outlines are so beautifully +defined!--the road bordered with trees diminishing towards the frontier, +hills, and beyond them misty heights which one guesses to be the German +Vosges. There is the scenery, and here is something better than the +scenery. There is a Beethoven melody and a piece by Liszt called +'Bénédiction de Dieu dans la solitude.' Certainly we have no solitude, +but if you turn the pages of Albert Samain's poems you will find an +aphorism by Villiers de l'Isle-Adam: 'Know that there will always be +solitude on earth for those who are worthy of it.' This solitude of a +soul that can ignore all that is not in tune with it. . . . + +I have had two letters from you, of the 6th and 7th. Perhaps this +evening I shall have another. Do not let us allow our courage to be +concerned only with the waiting for letters from each other. But the +letters are our life, they are what bring us our joys, our happiness, it +is through them that we take delight in the sights of this world and of +this time. + +If your eyes are not strong, that is a reason for not writing, but apart +from your health do not by depriving me of letters hold back your heart +from me. + + +_November 14_ (2nd letter). + +DEAR MOTHER WHOM I LOVE,--Here we are again in our usual billet, and my +heart is full of thoughts all tending towards you. I cannot tell you all +that I feel in every moment, yet how much I should like to share with +you the many pleasures that come one by one even in this monotonous life +of ours, as a broken thread drops its pearls. + +I should like to be able to admire with you this lovely cloud, this +stretch of country which so fills us with reverence, to listen with you +to the poetry of the wind from beyond the mountain, as when we walked +together at Boulogne. But here a great many prosaic occupations prevent +me from speaking to you as I feel. + +I sent you with my baggage my note-book from August 18 to October 20.[2] +These notes were made when we could easily get at our light bags, in the +calm of our trench-days, when our danger stopped our chattering, and I +could let my heart speak. I found a happiness more intense, wider and +fuller, to write to you about. That was a time of paradise for me. But I +don't like the billets, because the comfort and the security, relaxing +our minds, bring about a great deal of uproar which I don't like. You +know how much I have always needed quiet and solitude. Still, I have +excellent friends, and the officers are very kind. + +But with a little patience and a few thoughts about you I can be happy. +How kind this first half of November has been! I have not suffered once +from cold. And how lovely it was! That All Saints' Day was nothing but a +long hymn--from the night, with its pure moonlight on the dark amber of +the autumn trees, to the tender twilight. The immense rosy dream of +this misty plain, stretching out towards the near hills. . . . What a +song of praise! and many days since then have sung the glory of God. +Coeli ennarrant. . . . + +That is what those days brought to me. + +[Footnote 2: Part of this note-book has already been given.] + + +_November 15, 7 o'clock._ + +Yesterday the wild weather, fine to see from the shelter of our billet, +brought me apprehensions for to-night's departure, but when I woke the +sky was the purest and starriest that one could dream of! How grateful I +felt! + +What we fear most is the rain, which penetrates through everything when +we are without fire or shelter. The cold is nothing--we are armed +against it beforehand. + +. . . In spite of all, how much I appreciated the sight of this vast plain +upon which we descended, lashed by the great wind. Above the low horizon +was the wide grey sky in which, here and there, pale rents recalled the +vanished blue.--A black, tragic Calvary in silhouette--then some +skeleton trees! What a place! This is where I can think of you, and of +my beloved music. To-day I have the atmosphere that I want. + +. . . I should like to define the form of my conviction of better things +in the near future, resulting from this war. These events prepare the +way to a new life: that of the United States of Europe. + +After the conflict, those who will have completely and filially +fulfilled their obligation to their country will find themselves +confronted by duties yet more grave, and the realisation of things that +are now impossible. Then will be the time for them to throw their +efforts into the future. They must use their energies to wipe out the +trace of the shattering contact of nations. The French Revolution, +notwithstanding its mistakes, notwithstanding some backsliding in +practice, some failure in construction, did none the less establish in +man's soul this fine theory of national unity. Well! the horrors of the +1914 war lead to the unity of Europe, to the unity of the race. This new +state will not be established without blows and spoliation and strife +for an indefinite time, but without doubt the door is now open towards +the new horizon. + + +To Madame C----. + +_November 16._ + +MY DEAR FRIEND,--How much pleasure and comfort your letter gives me, and +how your warm friendship sustains my courage! + +What you say to me about my mother binds me closer to existence. Thank +you for your splendid and constant affection. + +. . . What shall I tell you of my life? Through the weariness and the +vicissitudes I am upheld by the contemplation of Nature which for two +months has been accumulating the emotion and the pathos of this +impassioned season. One of my habitual stations is on the heights which +overlook the immense Woëvre plain. How beautiful it is! and what a +blessing to follow, each hour of the day and evening, the kindling +colours of the autumn leaves! This frightful human uproar cannot succeed +in troubling the majestic serenity of Nature! There are moments when man +seems to go beyond anything that could be imagined; but a soul that is +prepared can soon perceive the harmony which overlooks and reconciles +all this dissonance. Do not think that I remain insensible to the agony +of scenes that we behold all too often: villages wiped out by the +artillery that is hurled upon them; smoke by day, light by night; the +misery of a flying population under shell-fire. Each instant brings some +shock straight to one's heart. That is why I take refuge in this high +consolation, because without some discipline of the heart I could not +suffer thus and not be undone. + + +_November 17, in the morning._ + +DEAR MOTHER,-- . . . I write to you in the happiness of the dawn over my +dear village. The night, which began with rain, has brought us again a +pure and glorious sky. I see once more my distant horizons, my peaked +hills, the harmonious lines of my valleys. From this height where I +stand who would guess that agricultural and peaceful village to be in +reality nothing but a heap of ruins, in which not a house is spared, and +in which no human being can survive the hell of artillery! + +As I write, the sun falls upon the belfry which I see framed in the +still sombre tree close beside me, while far away, beneath the last +hills, the last swelling of the ground, the plain begins to reveal its +precious detail in the rosy and golden atmosphere. + + +_November 17, 11 o'clock._ + +The splendid weather is my great consolation. I live rather like an +invalid sent to some magnificent country, whom the treatment compels to +unpleasant and fatiguing occupations. Between Leysin and the trench +where I am at present there has been only uncertainty. Nothing new has +happened to our company since October 13. + +This is a strange kind of war. It is like that between neighbours on bad +terms. Consider that some of the trenches are separated from the enemy +by hardly 100 metres, and that the combatants fling projectiles across +with their hands: you see that these neighbours make use of violent +methods. + +As for me, I really live only when I am with you, and when I feel the +splendour of the surroundings. + +Even in the middle of conversations, I am able to preserve the +sensation of solitude of thought which is necessary to me. + + +_November 18._ + +This morning, daylight showed us a country covered with hoar-frost, a +universal whiteness over hills and forest. My little village looks +thoroughly chilled. + +I had spent the greater part of the night in a warm shelter, and I could +have stayed there, thanks to the kindness of my superiors, but I am +foolish and timid, and I rejoined my comrades from 1 o'clock till +half-past 4. + +Curiously enough, we can easily bear the cold: an admirable article of +clothing, which nearly all of us possess, is a flour-sack which can be +worn, according to the occasion, as a little shoulder-cape, or as a bag +for the feet. In either case it is an excellent preserver of heat. + + +_11 o'clock._ + +For the moment there runs in my mind a pretty and touching air by +Handel. Also, an allegro from our organ duets: joyful and brilliant +music, overflowing with life. Dear Handel! Often he consoles me. + +Beethoven comes back only rarely to my mind, but when his music does +awake in me, it touches something so vital that it is always as though a +hand were drawing aside a curtain from the mystery of the Creation. + +Poor dear Great Masters! Shall it be counted a crime against them that +they were Germans? How is it possible to think of Schumann as a +barbarian? + +Yesterday this country recalled to my mind what you played to me ten +years ago, the Rheingold: 'Libre étendu sur la hauteur.' But the outlook +of our French art had this superiority over the beautiful music of that +wretched man--it had composure and clarity and reason. Yes, our French +art was never turbid. + +As for Wagner, however beautiful his music, and however irresistible and +attractive his genius, I believe it would be a less substantial loss to +French taste to be deprived of him than of his great classical +compatriots. + + * * * * * + +I can say with truth that in those moments when the idea of a possible +return comes to me, it is never the thought of the comfort or the +well-being that preoccupies me. It is something higher and nobler which +turns my thoughts towards this form of hope. Can I say that it is even +something different from the immense joy of our meeting again? It is +rather the hope of taking up again our common effort, our association, +of which the aim is the development of our souls, and the best use we +can make of them upon earth. + + +_November 19, in the morning._ + +MY VERY DEAR MOTHER,--To-day I was wakened at dawn by a violent +cannonade, unusual at that hour. Just then some of the men came back +frozen by a night in the trenches. I got up to fetch them some wood, and +then, on the opposite slope of the valley, the fusillade burst out +fully. I mounted as high as I could, and I saw the promise of the sun in +the pure sky. + +Suddenly, from the opposite hill (one of those hills I love so much), I +heard an uproar, and shouting: 'Forward! Forward!' It was a bayonet +charge. This was my first experience of one--not that I saw anything; +the still-dark hour, and, probably, the disposition of the ground, +prevented me. But what I heard was enough to give me the feeling of the +attack. + +Up till then I had never imagined how different is the courage required +by this kind of anonymous warfare from the traditional valour in war, as +conceived by the civilian. And the clamour of this morning reminds me, +in the midst of my calm, that young men, without any personal motive of +hate, can and must fling themselves upon those who are waiting to kill +them. + +But the sun rises over my country. It lightens the valley, and from my +height I can see two villages, two ruins, one of which I saw ablaze for +three nights. Near to me, two crosses made of white wood. . . . French +blood flows in 1914. . . . + + +_November 20._ + +From the window near which I write I see the rising sun. It shines upon +the hoar-frost, and gradually I discover the beautiful country which is +undergoing such horrors. It appears that there were many victims in the +bayonet charge which I heard yesterday. Among others, we are without +tidings of two sections of the regiment which formed part of our +brigade. While these others were working out their destiny, I was on the +crest of the most beautiful hill (I was very much exposed also at other +times). I saw the daybreak; I was full of emotion in beholding the peace +of Nature, and I realised the contrast between the pettiness of human +violence and the majesty of the surroundings. + +That time of pain for you, from September 9th to October 13th, +corresponds exactly with my first phase of war. On September 9th I +arrived, and detrained almost within reach of the terrible battle of the +Marne, which was in progress 35 kilometres away. On the 12th I rejoined +the 106th, and thenceforward led the life of a combatant. On October +13th, as I told you, we left the lovely woods, where the enemy artillery +and infantry had done a lot of mischief among us, especially on the 3rd. +Our little community lost on that day a heart of gold, a wonderful boy, +grown too good to live. On the 4th, an excellent comrade, an +architectural student, was wounded fairly severely in the arm, but the +news which he has since sent of himself is good. Then until the 13th, +terrible day, we lived through some hard times, especially as the +danger, real enough, was exaggerated by the feeling of suffocation and +of the unknown which hemmed us round in those woods, so fine at any +other time. + +The important thing is to bear in mind the significance of every moment. +The problem is of perpetual urgency. On one side the providential +blessing, up till the present, of complete immunity. On the other, the +hazards of the future. That is how our wish to do good should be applied +to the present moment. There is no satisfaction to be had in questioning +the future, but I believe that every effort made now will avail us then. +It is a heroic struggle to sustain, but let us count not only on +ourselves but on another force so much more powerful than our human +means. + + +_November 21._ + +To-day we lead a _bourgeoise_ life, almost too comfortable. The cold +keeps us with the extraordinary woman who lodges us whenever we visit +the village where we are billeted three days out of nine. + +I will not tell you about the pretty view from the window where I write, +but I will speak of the interior which shelters many of our days. By day +we live in two rooms divided by a glass partition, and, looking through +from one room to another, we can admire either the fine fire in the +great chimney-place or the magnificent wardrobe and the Meuse beds made +of fine old brass. All the delicate life of these two old women (the +mother, 87 years old, and the daughter) is completely disorganised by +the roughness, the rudeness, the kind hearts and the generosity of the +soldiers. These women accept all that comes and are most devoted. + +As for Spinoza, whose spirit you already possess, I think that you can +go straight to the last theorems. You will be sure to have intuitive +understanding of what he says about the soul's repose. Yes, those are +moments experienced by us too rarely in our weakness, but they suffice +to let us discover in ourselves, through the blows and buffetings of our +poor human nature, a certain tendency towards what is permanent and +what is final; and we realise the splendid inheritance of divinity to +which we are the heirs. + + * * * * * + +Dear mother, what a happy day I have just spent with you. + +There were three of us: we two and the pretty landscape from my window. + +Seen from here, winter gives a woolly and muffled air to things. Two +clouds, or rather mists, wrap the near hillside without taking any +delicacy from the drawing of the shrubs on the crest; the sky is light +green. All is filtered. Everything sleeps. This is the time for +night-attacks, the cries of the charge, the watch in the trenches. Let +our prayers of every moment ask for the end of this state of things. Let +us wish for rest for all, a great amends, recompense for all grief and +pain and separation. + +YOUR SON. + + +_Sunday, November 22, 9.30._ + +I write to you this morning from my favourite place, without anything +having happened since last night that is worth recording--save perhaps +the thousand flitting nothings in the landscape. I got up with the sun, +which now floods all the space with silver. The cold is still keen, but +by piling on our woollen things we get the better of it on these nights +in billets. There is only this to say: that to-morrow we go to our +trenches in the second line, in the woods that are now thin and +monotonous. Of our three stations, that is the one I perhaps like the +least, because the sky is exiled behind high branches. It is more a +landscape for R----, but flat, and spoilt by the kind of existence that +one leads there. + +Hostilities seem to be recommencing in our region with a certain amount +of energy. This morning we can hear a violent fusillade, a thing very +rare in this kind of war, in which attacks are generally made at night, +the day being practically reserved for artillery bombardments. + +Dear mother, let us put our hope in the strength of soul which will make +petition each hour, each minute. . . . + + * * * * * + +. . . Yes, it gives me pleasure to tell you about my life; it is a fine +life in so many ways. Often, at night, as I walk along the road where +my little duty takes me, I am full of happiness to be able thus to +communicate with the greatness of Nature, with the sky and its +harmonious pattern of stars, with the large and gracious curves of these +hills; and though the danger is always present, I think that not only +your courage, your consciousness of the eternal, but also your love for +me will make you approve of my not stopping perpetually to puzzle over +the enigma. + +So my present life brings extreme degrees of feeling, which cannot be +measured by time. Feeling produced, for instance, by beautiful leafage, +the dawn, a delicate landscape, a touching moon. These are all things in +which qualities at once fleeting and permanent isolate the human heart +from all preoccupations which lead us in these times either to +despairing anxiety, or to abject materialism, or again to a cheap +optimism, which I wish to replace by the high hope that is common to us +all, and which does not rely on human events. + +All my tenderness and constant love for grandmother; for you, courage, +calm, perfect resignation without effort. + + +_November 23._ + +DEAR MOTHER,--Here we are arrived in our shelters in the second line. We +lodge in earth huts, where the fire smokes us out as much as it warms +us. The weather, which during the night was overcast, has given us a +charming blue and rosy morning. Unfortunately the woods have less to say +to me than the marvellous spaces of our front lines. Still, all is +beautiful here. + +Yesterday my day was made up of the happiness of writing to you; I went +into the village church without being urged by a single romantic feeling +nor any desire for comfort from without. My conception of divine harmony +did not need to be supported by any outward form, or popular symbol. + +Then I had the great good fortune to go with a carriage into the +surrounding country. Oh, the marvellous landscape--still of blue and +rosy colour, paled by the mist! All this rich and luminous delicacy +found definite accents in the abrupt spots made by people scattered +about the open. My landscape, always primitive in its precision, now +took on a subtlety of nuances, a richness of variety essentially modern. + +One moment I recalled the peculiar outer suburbs of Paris with their +innumerable notes and their suppressed effects. But here there is more +frankness and candour. Here everything was simply rose and blue against +a pale grey ground. + +My driver, getting into difficulty with his horse, entrusted the whip to +me to touch up the animal: I must have looked like a little mechanical +toy. + +We passed by the Calvaries which keep guard over the Meuse villages, a +few trees gathered round the cross. + + +_November 24, 3.30_ +(back from the march). + +I have just received a letter of the 16th and a card, and a dear letter +of the 18th. These two last tell me of the arrival of my packet. How +glad I am to hear that! For a moment I asked myself whether I was right +to send you these impressions, but, between us two, life has never been +and can never be anything but a perpetual investigation in the region +of eternal truths, fervent attention to the truth each earthly spectacle +presents. And so I do not regret sending you those little notes. + +My worst sufferings were during the rainy days of September. Those days +are a bitter memory to every one. We slept interlocked, face against +face, hands crossed, in a deluge of water and mud. It would be +impossible to imagine our despair. + +To crown all, after these frightful hours, they told us that the enemy +was training his machine-guns upon us, and that we must attack him. +However, we were relieved; the explosion was violent. + +As for my still unwritten verse, '_Soleil si pale_,' etc., it relates to +the 11th, 12th, and 13th of October, and, generally, to the time of the +battle in the woods, which lasted for our regiment from September 22nd +to October 13th. What struck me so much was to see the sun rise upon the +victims. + +Since then I have written nothing, but for a prayer which I sent you +five or six days ago. I composed it while I was on duty on the road. + + +_November 25, in the morning._ + +. . . Yesterday, in the course of that march, I lived in a picture by my +beloved primitives. Coming out of the wood, as we went down a long road, +we had close by us a large farm-house, plumed by a group of bare trees +beside a frozen pool. + +Then, in the under-perspective so cleverly used by my dear painters with +their air of simplicity, a road, unwinding itself, with its slopes and +hills, bound in by shrubs, and some solitary trees: all this precise, +fine, etched, and yet softened. A little bridge spanning a stream, a man +on horseback passing close to the little bridge, carefully silhouetted, +and then a little carriage: delicate balance of values, discreet, yet +well maintained--all this in front of a horizon of noble woods. A kind +of grey weather which has replaced the enchantment, so modern in +feeling, of the nuances of last Sunday, takes me back to that incisive +consciousness which moves us as a Breughel and the other masters, whose +names escape me. Like this, too, the clear and orderly thronging in +Albert Dürer backgrounds. + + +_November 26._ + +DEAREST MOTHER,--I didn't succeed in finishing this letter yesterday. We +were very busy. And now to-day it is still dark. From my dug-out, where +I have just arrived in the front line, I send you my great love; I am +very happy. I feel that the work I am to do in future is taking shape in +myself. What does it matter if Providence does not allow me to bring it +to light? I have firm hope, and above all I have confidence in eternal +justice, however it may surprise our human ideas. . . . + + +_November 28._ + +The position we occupy is 45 metres away from the enemy. The roads of +approach are curious and even picturesque in their harshness, emphasised +by the greyness of the weather. + +Our troops, having dodged by night the enemy's vigilance, and come up +from the valley to the mid-heights where the rising ground protects them +from the infantry fire, find shelters hollowed from the side of the +hill, burrows where those who are not on guard can have some sleep and +the warmth of an Improvised hearth. Then, farther on, just where the +landscape becomes magnificent in freedom, expanse, and light, the +winding furrow, called the communication trench, begins. Concealed thus, +we arrive in the trench, and it is truly a spectacle of war, severe and +not without grandeur--this long passage which has a grey sky for +ceiling, and in which the floor is covered over with recent snow. Here +the last infantry units are stationed--units, generally, of feeble +effective. The enemy is not more than a hundred metres away. From there +continues the communication trench, more and more deep and winding, in +which I feel anew the emotion I always get from contact with newly +turned earth. The excavating for the banking-up works stirs something in +me: it is as if the energy of this disembowelled earth took hold of me +and told me the history of life. + +Two or three sappers are at work lengthening the hollows, watched by the +Germans who, from point to point, can snipe the insufficiently protected +places. At this end the last sentry guards about forty metres. + +You can picture the contrast between all this military organisation and +the peace that used to reign here. Think what an astonishment it is to +me to remember that where I now look the labourer once walked behind his +plough, and that the sun, whose glory I contemplate as a prisoner +contemplates liberty, shone upon him freely on these heights. + +Then, too, when at dusk I come out into the open, what an ecstasy! I +won't speak to you of this, for I feel I must be silent about these +joys. They must not be exposed: they are birds that love silence. . . . +Let us confine our speech to that essential happiness which is not +easily affrighted--the happiness of feeling ourselves prepared equally +for all. + +_November 29, in the morning_ +(from a billet). + +MY VERY DEAR MOTHER,--Yesterday evening I left the first line trenches +in broken weather which, in the night, after my arrival here, turned +into rain. I watch it falling through the fog from my favourite window. +If you like I will tell you of the wonders I saw yesterday. + +From the position described in my letter of yesterday, can be seen, as +I have often written to you, the most marvellous horizon. Yesterday a +terrible wind rent a low veil of clouds which grew red at their summits. +Perhaps the background of my 'Haheyna' will give you a faint idea of +what it was. But how much more majestic and full of animation was the +emotion I experienced yesterday. + +The hills and valleys passed in turn from light to shade, now defined, +now veiled, according to the movement of the mists. High up, blue spaces +fringed with light. + +Such was the beauty of yesterday. Shall I speak of the evenings that +went before, when, on my way along the road, the moon brought out the +pattern of the trees, the pathetic Calvaries, the touching spectacle of +houses which one knew were ruins, but which night seemed to make stand +forth again like an appeal for peace. + +I am glad to see you like Verlaine. Read the fine preface by Coppée to +the selected works, which you will find in my library. + +His fervour has a spontaneity, I might almost say a grossness, which +always repels me a little, just because it belongs to that kind of +Catholic fervour which on its figurative side will always leave me cold. +But what a poet! + +He has been my almost daily delight both here and when I was in Paris; +often the music of his _Paysages Tristes_ comes back to me, exactly +expressing the emotion of certain hours. His life is as touching as that +of a sick animal, and one almost wonders that a like indignity has not +withered the exquisite flowers of his poetry. His conversion, that of an +artist rather than of a thinker, followed on a great upsetting of his +existence which resulted from grave faults of his. (He was in prison.) + +In the _Lys Rouge_ Anatole France has drawn a striking portrait of him, +under the name of Choulette; perhaps you will find we have this book. + +In _Sagesse_ the poems are fine and striking because of the true impulse +and sincerity of the remorse. A little as though the cry of the _Nuit de +Mai_ resounded all through his work. + +Our two great poets of the last century, Musset and Verlaine, were two +unhappy beings without any moral principle with which to stake up their +flowers of thought--yet what magnificent and intoxicating flowers. + +Perhaps I tire you when I speak thus on random subjects, but to do so +enables me to plunge back into my old life for a little while. Since I +had the happiness of getting your letters, I have not taken note of +anything. Do not think that distractions by the way make me forgetful of +our need and hope, but I believe it is just the beautiful adornment of +life which gives it, for you and me, its value. + +I am still expecting letters from you after that of the 22nd, but I am +sure to get them here in this billet. Thank you for the parcel you +promise: poor mothers, what pains they all take! + + +_December 1, in the morning_ +(from a billet). + +I remember the satisfaction I felt in my freedom when I was exempted +from my military duties. It seemed to me that if, at twenty-seven years +old, I had been obliged to return to the regiment, my life and career +would have been irretrievably lost. And here I am now, twenty-eight +years old, back in the army, far from my work, my responsibilities, my +ambitions--and yet never has life brought me such a full measure of +finer feelings; never have I been able to record such freshness of +sensibility, such security of conscience. So those are the blessings +arising out of the thing which my reasonable human foresight envisaged +as disaster. And thus continues the lesson of Providence which, +upsetting all my fears, makes good arise out of every change of +situation. + +The two last sunrises, yesterday and to-day, were lovely. . . . + +I feel inclined to make you a little sketch of the view from my +window. . . . + + * * * * * + +It is done from memory; in your imagination you must add streaks of +purple colour, making the most dramatic effect, and an infinite stretch +of open country to right and left. This is what I have been able again +and again to look upon, during this time. At this moment, the soft sky +brings into harmony the orchards where we work. My little job dispenses +me from digging for the time. Such are the happinesses which, from afar, +had the appearance of calamities. + + +_December 1_ (2nd letter). + +I have just received your letters of the 25th, 26th, and 27th, as well +as a dear letter from Grandmother, so valiant, so full of spirit, and so +clear-minded. It gave me great pleasure, and brings me a dear hope, of +which I accept the augury with joy. Each one of your beloved letters, +too, gives me the best of what life holds for me. My first letter of +to-day replies to what you say about the acceptation of trials and the +destruction of idols. + +You will see that I think absolutely as you do, and I trust that there +is in this hour no impeding idol in my heart. . . . + +I think that my last prayer is in fact very simple. The spirit of the +place could not have borne to be clothed in an art that was overloaded. +God was everywhere, and everywhere was harmony: the road at night, of +which I speak to you so often, the starry sky, the valley full of the +murmuring of water, the trees, the Calvaries, the hills near and far. +There would not have been any room for artifice. It is useless for me to +give up being an artist, but I hope always to be sincere and to use art +as it were only for the clothing of my conscience. + + +_December 5, in the morning._ + +. . . We have come out of our burrows, and three days of imprisonment are +followed by a morning in the open. It would be impossible to imagine +such a state of mud. + +Your pretty aluminium watch is the admiration of everybody. + +Is André's wound serious? The mothers endure terrible agony in this war, +but courage--nothing will be lost. As for me, I get on all right, and am +as happy as one may be. + +A terrific wind to-day, chasing the fine clouds. Keen air, in which the +branches thrive. Beautiful moonlight on all these nights, all the more +appreciated if one has been cheated of the day. + +Dear, I am writing badly to-day because we are bewildered by the full +daylight after those long hours of darkness, but my heart goes out to +you and rests with you. + +. . . Let us bring to everything the spirit of courage. Let us have +confidence in God always, whatever happens. How much I feel, as you do, +that one can adore Him only with one's spirit! And like you I think that +we must avoid all pride which condemns the ways of other people. Let our +love lead us in union towards the universal Providence. Let us, in +constant prayer, give back our destiny into His hands. Let us humbly +admit to Him our human hopes, trying at every moment to link them to +eternal wisdom. It is a task which now seems full of difficulty, but +difficulty is in everything in life. + + +_Sunday, December 6._ + +I am happy to see you so determinedly courageous. We have need of +courage, or, rather, we have need of something difficult to obtain, +which is neither patience nor overconfidence, but a certain belief in +the order of things, the power to be able to say of every trial that it +is well. + +Our instinct for life makes us try to free ourselves from our +obligations when they are too cruel, too oft-repeated, but, as I am +happy to know, you have been able to see what Spinoza understood by +human liberty. Inaccessible ideal, to which one must cling +nevertheless. . . . + +. . . Dear mother, these trials that we must accept are long, but +notwithstanding their unchanging form one cannot call them monotonous, +since they call upon courage which must be perpetually new. Let us unite +together for God to grant us strength and resource in accepting +everything. . . . + +You know what I call religion: that which unites in man all his ideas of +the universal and the eternal, those two forms of God. Religion, in the +ordinary sense of the word, is but the binding together of certain moral +and disciplinary formulas with the fine poetic imagery of the great +biblical and Christian philosophies. + +Do not let us offend any one. Looked at properly, religious formulas, +however apart they may remain from my own habit of mind, seem to me +praiseworthy and sympathetic in all that they contain of aspiration and +beauty and form. + +Dear mother whom I love, let us always hope: trials are legion, but +beauty remains. Let us pray that we may long continue to contemplate +it. . . . + + +_Monday, December 7._ + +MY BELOVED MOTHER,--I am writing this in the night . . . by six o'clock +in the morning military life will be in full swing. + +My candle is stuck on a bayonet, and every now and then a drop of water +falls on to my nose. My poor companions try to light a reluctant fire. +Our time in the trenches transforms us into lumps of mud. + +The general good humour is admirable. However the men may long to +return, they accept none the less heroically the vicissitudes of the +situation. Their courage, infinitely less 'literary' than mine, is so +much the more practical and adaptable; but each bird has its cry, and +mine has never been a war-cry. I am happy to have felt myself responsive +to all these blows, and my hope lies in the thought that they will have +forged my soul. Also I place confidence in God and whatever He holds in +store for me. + +I seem to foresee my work in the future. Not that I build much on this +presentiment, for all artists have conceived work which has never come +to light. Mozart was about to make a new start when he died, and +Beethoven planned the 'Tenth Symphony' in ignorance of the all too brief +time that was to be allowed him by destiny. + +It is the duty of the artist to open his flowers without dread of frost, +and perhaps God will allow my efforts to fulfil themselves in the +future. My very various attempts at work all have an indescribable +immaturity about them still, a halting execution, which consorts badly +with the real loftiness of the intention. It seems to me that my art +will not quite expand until my life is further advanced. Let us pray +that God will allow me to attain. . . . + +As for what is in your own heart, I have such confidence in your courage +that this certainty is my great comfort in this hour. I know that my +mother has gained that freedom of soul which allows contemplation of the +universal scheme of things. I know from my own experience how +intermittent is this wisdom, but even to taste of it is already to +possess God. It is the security I derive from knowledge of your soul and +your love, that enables me to think of the future in whatever form it +may come. + + +_December 9._ + +DEAR MOTHER,--P---- L----, in his charming letter, tells me he would +willingly exchange his philosophers for a gun. He is quite wrong. For +one thing, Spinoza is a most valuable aid in the trenches; and then it +is those who are still in a position to profit by culture and progress +who must now carry on French thought. They have an overwhelmingly +difficult task, calling for far more initiative than ours. We are free +of all burden. I think our existence is like that of the early monks: +hard, regular discipline and freedom from all external obligations. + + +_December 10_ +(a marvellous morning). + +Our third day in billets brings us the sweetness of friendly weather. +The inveterate deluge of our time in the first line relents a little, +and the sun shows itself timidly. + +Our situation, which has been pleasant enough during the last two +months, may now be expected entirely to change. + +The impregnability of the positions threatens to make the war +interminable; one of the two adversaries must use his offensive to +unlock the situation and precipitate events. I think the high command +faces this probability--and I hardly dare tell you that I cannot regret +anything that increases the danger. + +Our life, of which a third part is flatly bourgeois and the two other +parts present just about the same dangers as, say, chemical works do, +will end by deadening all sensibility. It is true we shall be grieved to +leave what we are used to, but perhaps we were getting too accustomed to +a state of well-being which could not last. + +My own circumstances are perhaps going to change. I shall probably lose +my course, being mentioned for promotion to the rank of corporal, which +means being constantly in the trenches and various duties in the first +line. I hope God will continue to bless me. + +. . . I feel that we have nothing to ask. If there should be in us +something eternal which we must still manifest on earth, we may be sure +that God will let us do it. + + +_December_ 10 (2nd letter). + +Happily you and I live in a domain where everything unites us without +our having to write our thoughts. . . . + +The weather is overcast again and promises us a wet time in the first +and second lines. + +The day declines, and a great melancholy falls too upon everything. This +is the hour of sadness for those who are far away, for all the soldiers +whose hearts are with their homes, and who see night closing down upon +the earth. + +I come to you, and immediately my heart grows warm. I can feel your +attentive tenderness, and the wisdom which inspires your courage. +Sometimes I am afraid of always saying the same thing, but how can I +find new words for my poor love, tossed always through the same +vicissitudes? Now that we are going to set out, perhaps we shall have to +leave behind many cherished keepsakes, but the soul should not be +strongly tied to fetiches. We are fond of clinging to many things, but +love can do without them. + + +_December 12, 10 o'clock_ (card). + +A soft day under the rain. All goes well in our melancholy woods. In +various parts of the neighbourhood there has been a terrible cannonade. + +Received your letters of the 4th and 6th. They brought me happiness: +they are the true joy of life. I am glad you visited C----. I hope to +write to you at greater length. It is not that I have less leisure than +usual, but I am going through a time when I am less sensible to the +beauty of things. I long for true wisdom. . . . + + +_December 12, 7 o'clock._ + +To-day, in spite of the changing beauty of sun and rain, I did not feel +alive to Nature. Yet never was there such grace and goodness in the +skies. + +The landscape, with the little bridge and the man on horseback of which +I have told you, softened under the splendour of the clouds. But I had +lapsed from my former sense of the benediction of God, when suddenly +the beauty, all the beauty, of a certain tree spoke to my inmost heart. +It told me of fairness that never fails; of the greenness of ivy and the +redness of autumn, the rigidity of winter in the branches;--and then I +understood that an instant of such contemplation is the whole of life, +the very reward of existence, beside which all human expectation is +nothing but a bad dream. + + +_Sunday, December 13._ + +. . . After a refreshing night I walked to-day in these woods where for +three months the dead have strewn the ground. To-day the vanishing +autumn displayed its richness, and the same beauty of mossy trunks spoke +to me, as it did yesterday, of eternal joy. + +I am sure it needs an enormous effort to feel all this, but it must be +felt if we are to understand how little the general harmony is disturbed +by that which intolerably assails our emotions. + +We must feel that all human uprooting is only a little thing, and what +is truly ourselves is the life of the soul. + + +_December 14_ (splendid weather, +with all the calm returned). + +We are still here in the region of the first line, but in a place where +we can lift our heads and behold the charm of my Meusian hills, clearing +in the delicate weather. + +Above the village and the orchards I see the lines of birches and firs. +Some have their skeletons coloured with a diaphanous violet marked with +white. Others build up the horizon with stronger lines. + +I have been strengthened by the splendid lesson given me by a beautiful +tree during a march. Ah, dear mother, we may all disappear and Nature +will remain, and the gift I had from her of a moment of herself is +enough to justify a whole existence. That tree was like a soldier. + +You would not believe how much harm has been done to the forests about +here: it is not so much the machine-guns as the frightful amount of +cutting necessary for making our shelters and for our fuel. Ah well, in +the midst of this devastation something told me that there will always +be beauty, in man and in tree. + +For man also gives this lesson, though in him it is less easily +distinguished: it is a fine thing to see the splendid vitality of all +this youth, whose force no harvest can diminish. + + +_December 15, morning._ + +I have had your dear letter of the 9th, in which you speak of our home. +It makes me happy to feel how fine and strong is the force of life which +soon adjusts itself to each separation and uprooting. It makes me happy, +too, to think that my letters find an echo in your heart. Sometimes I +was afraid of boring you, because though our life is so fine in many +ways, it is certainly very primitive, and there are not many salient +things to relate. + +If only I could follow my calling of painter I could have recourse to +these wonderful visions that lie before me, and I could find vent for +all the pent-up artist's emotion that is within me. As it is, in trying +to speak of the sky, the tree, the hill, or the horizon, I cannot use +words as subtle as they, and the infinite variety of these things can +only be named in the same general terms, which I am afraid of constantly +repeating. . . . + + +_December 15._ + +One must adapt oneself to this special kind of life, which is indigent +as far as intellectual activity goes, but marvellously rich in emotion. +I suppose that in troubled times for many centuries there have been men +who, weary of luxury, have sought in the peace of the cloister the +contemplation of eternal things; contemplation threatened by the crowd, +but a refuge even so. And so I think our life is like that of the monks +of old, who were military too, and more apt at fighting than I could +ever be. Among them, those who willed could know the joy which I now +find. + +To-day I have a touching letter from Madame M----, whose spirit I love +and admire. + +Changeable but very beautiful weather. + +It is impossible to say more than we have already said about the +attitude we must adopt in regard to events. The important thing is to +put this attitude in practice. It is not easy, as I have learnt in these +last days, though no new difficulty had arisen to impede my path towards +wisdom. + +. . . Tormenting anxiety can sometimes be mistaken for an alert +conscience. + + +_December 16._ + +Yesterday in our shelter I got out your little album--very much damaged, +alas--and I tried to copy some of the lines of the landscape. I was +stopped by the cold, and I was returning dissatisfied when I suddenly +had the idea of making one of my friends sit for me. How can I tell you +what a joy it was to get a good result! I believe that my little pencil +proved entirely successful. The sketch has been sent away in a letter to +some friend of his. It was such a true joy to me to feel I had not lost +my faculty. + + +_December 17_ (in a new billet). + +. . . Last night we left behind all that was familiar when we came out of +the first-line trenches after three days of perfect peace there. We were +told off to the billet which we occupied on October 6th and 7th. One +can feel in the air the wind of change. I don't know what may come, but +the serenity of the weather to-day seems an augury of happiness. + +These have been days of marvellous scenes, which I can appreciate better +now than during those few days of discouragement, which came because I +allowed myself to reckon things according to our miserable human +standards. + +I write to you by a window from which I watch the sunset. You see that +goodness is everywhere for us. + + +_3 o'clock._ + +. . . I take up this letter once more in the twilight of an exceptional +winter: the day fades away as calmly as it came. I am watching the women +washing clothes under the lines of trees on the river bank; there is +peace everywhere--I think even in our hearts. Night falls. . . . + + +_December 19_ (in a billet). + +A sweet day, ending here round the table. Quiet, drawing, music. I can +think with calm of the length of the days to come when I realise how +swift have been these days that are past. Half the month is gone, and +Christmas comes in the midst of war. The only thing for me is to adapt +myself entirely to these conditions of existence, and, owing to my union +with you, to gain a degree of acceptance which is of an order higher +than human courage. + + +_December 21, morning._ + +MY VERY DEAR MOTHER,--I have told you freely in my letters of my +happiness; but the rock ahead of happiness is that poor humanity is in +perpetual fear of losing it. In spite of all experience, we do not +realise that in the eternal scheme of things a new happiness always +grows at the side of an old one. + +For myself, I have not to look for a new one. I have only to try to +reconcile two wisdoms. One, which is human, prompts me to cultivate my +happiness, but the other teaches me that human happiness is a most +perishable flower. + +We may say: Let us make use of the joys chosen by an upright conscience; +but let us never forget how swiftly these pass. + +Yes, the Holy Scriptures contain the finest and most poetical +philosophy. I think they owe it to their affiliation to the oldest +philosophies. There are many disputable things in Edouard Schuré, but +what remains is the divination which made him climb through all doctrine +to the infinitely distant Source of human wisdom. + +Do you know that those touching traditions of the Good Shepherd and the +Divine Mother, so happily employed in our Christian religions, are the +creations of the oldest symbolism? The Greeks derived them from their +own spiritual ancestors; with them the good shepherd was called Hermes, +the god of the migration of souls. In the same way, the type of our +Madonna is the great Demeter, the mother who bears an infant in her +arms. + +One feels that all religions, as they succeeded each other, transmitted +the same body of symbols, renewed each time by humanity's +perpetually-young spirit of poetry. + + +_December 23_ (in the dark). + +I had begun this letter yesterday, when I was forced to leave off. It +was then splendid weather, which has lasted fairly well. But we are now +back again in our first lines. This time we are occupying the village +itself, our pretty Corot village of two months ago. But our outpost is +situated in a house where we are obliged to show no sign of life, so as +to conceal our presence from the enemy. And so here we are at nine +o'clock in the morning, in a darkness that would make it seem to be late +on Christmas eve. + +Your dear letter lately received has given me great joy. It is true that +Grace and Inspiration are two names for the same thing. + +If you are going to see the pictures of the great poet Gustave Moreau, +you will see a panel called _La vie de l'humanité_ (I believe). It +consists of nine sections in three divisions, called _l'Age d'or, l'Age +d'argent, l'Age de fer_. Above is a pediment from which Christ presides +over this human panorama. But this is where this great genius has the +same intuition as you had: each of the three parts bears the name of a +hero--Adam, Orpheus, and Cain, and each one represents three periods. +Now, the periods of the golden age are called Ecstasy, Prayer, and +Sleep, while the periods of the silver age are called Inspiration, Song, +and Tears. + +Ecstasy is the same as Grace, because the picture shows Adam and Eve in +the purity of their souls, in a scene of flowers, and in the enjoyment +of divine contemplation. The harmony of Nature itself urges them on in +their impulse towards God. + +In the silver age, Inspiration is still Grace, but just beginning to be +complicated by human artifice. The poet Orpheus perpetually contemplates +God, but the Muse is always at his elbow, the symbol of human art is +already born; and that great human manifestation of God, Song, brings +with it grief and tears. + +Following out the cycle and coming to human evil, Gustave Moreau shows +the iron age--Cain condemned to labour and sorrow. + +This work shows that the divine moment may be seized, but is fugitive +and can never remain with man. It explains our failures. People say that +the picture is too literary, but it touches the heart of those who wish +to break through the ice with which all human expression is chilled. + +Undoubtedly Rembrandt was the Poet of genius _par excellence_, at the +same time as he was pure Painter. But let us grant that ours is a less +rich time, our temperaments less universal; and let us recognise the +beauty of Gustave Moreau's poem, of which, in two words, you expressed +the spirit. + +YOUR SON. + + +_December 24, morning._ + +Our first day in the outpost passed away in the calm of a country +awaiting snow. It came in the night. + +In the back gardens, which lie in sight of the Germans, I went out to +see it, where it emphasised and ennobled the least of things. Then I +came back to my candle, and I write on a table where my neighbour is +grating chocolate. So that is war. + +Military life has some amusing surprises. We had to come to the first +line before two non-commissioned officers found a bath and could bathe +themselves. As for me, I have made myself a water-jug out of a part of a +75. + +. . . I will not speak of patience, since a reserve of mere patience may +be useless preparation for the unknown quantity. But I must say that the +time goes extremely quickly. + +We spend child-like days; indeed we are children in regard to these +events, and the benefit of this war will have been to restore youth to +the hearts of those who return. + +Dear mother, our village has just had a visit from two shells. Will they +be followed by others? May God help us! The other day they sent us a +hundred and fifteen, to wound one man in the wrist! + +A house in which a section of our company is living is in flames. We +have not seen a soul stirring. We can only hope that it is well with +them. + +I am deeply happy to have lived through these few months. They have +taught me what one can make of one's life, in any circumstances. + +My fellow-soldiers are splendid examples of the French spirit. . . . +They swagger, but their swagger is only the outer form of a deep and +magnificent courage. + +My great fault as an artist is that I am always wanting to clothe the +soul of the race in some beautiful garment painted in my own colours. +And when people irritate me it is that they are soiling these beautiful +robes; but, as a matter of fact, they would find them a bad encumbrance +in the way of their plain duty. + + +_Christmas Morning._ + +What a unique night!--night without parallel, in which beauty has +triumphed, in which mankind, notwithstanding their delirium of +slaughter, have proved the reality of their conscience. + +During the intermittent bombardments a song has never ceased to rise +from the whole line. + +Opposite to us a most beautiful tenor was declaiming the enemy's +Christmas. Much farther off, beyond the ridges, where our lines begin +again, the _Marseillaise_ replied. The marvellous night lavished on us +her stars and meteors. Hymns, hymns, from end to end. + +It was the eternal longing for harmony, the indomitable claim for order +and beauty and concord. + +As for me, I cherished old memories in meditating on the sweetness of +the Childhood of Christ. The freshness, the dewy youthfulness of this +French music, were very moving to me. I remembered the celebrated +_Sommeil des Pèlerins_ and the shepherds' chorus. A phrase which is sung +by the Virgin thrilled me: '_Le Seigneur, pour mon fils, a béni cet +asile_.' The melody rang in my ears while I was in that little house, +with its neighbour in flames, and itself given over to a precarious +fate. + +I thought of all happinesses bestowed; I thought that you were perhaps +at this moment calling down a blessing upon my abode. The sky was so +lovely that it seemed to smile favourably upon all petition; but what I +want strength to ask for perpetually is consistent wisdom--wisdom which, +human though it may be, is none the less safe from anything that may +assail it. + +The sun is flooding the country and yet I write by candle-light; now and +then I go out into the back gardens to see the sun. All is light, peace +falling from on high upon the deserted country. + +I come back to our room, where the brass of the pretty Meusian beds and +the carved wood of the cupboards shine in the half-light. All these +things have suffered through the rough use the soldiers put them to, but +we have real comfort here. We have found table-implements and a +dinner-service, and for two days running we made chocolate in a +soup-tureen. Luxury! + +O dear mother, if God allows me the joy of returning, what youth will +this extraordinary time have brought back to me! As I wrote to my friend +P----, I lead the life of a child in the midst of people so simple that +even my rudimentary existence is complicated in comparison with my +surroundings. + +Mother dear, the length of this war tries our power of passive will, but +I feel that everything is coming out as I was able to foresee. I think +that these long spells of inactivity will give repose to the +intellectual machine. If I ever have the happiness of once more making +use of mine, it is sure to take a little time to get moving again, but +with what new vigour! My last work was one of pure thought, and my +ambition, which all things justify, is to give a more plastic form to my +thought as it develops. + + +_Sunday, December 27, 9 o'clock_ +(5th day in the first line). + +It appears that the terrible position, courageously held by us on +October 14th, and immediately lost by our successors, has been retaken, +and 200 metres more, but at the price of a hundred casualties. + +Dear mother, want of sleep robs me of all intelligence. True, one needs +little of that for the general run of existence here, but I should have +liked to speak to you. The only consolation is that our love needs no +expression. + +Very little to tell you. I was quite stupefied by the day's work +yesterday, spent entirely in darkness. From my place I had only a +glimpse of a pretty tree against the sky. + +To-day, in the charming early morning I saw a beautiful and extremely +brilliant star. I had gone to fetch some coal and water, and on the way +back, when daylight had already come, that extraordinary star still +persisted. My corporal, who, like me, was dodging from bush to bush back +to our house, said: + +'Do you know what that star is? It is the sign for the enemy's patrol to +rally.' + +It was true, and at first I felt outraged at this profanation of the +sky, and then (apart from the ingenuity of the thing) I told myself that +this star meant, for those poor creatures on the other side, that they +could take the direction of safety. I felt less angry about it then. The +sign had given me so much joy as a star that I decided to stick to my +first impression. + + +_December 30._ + +Your Christmas letter came last night. Perhaps in this very hour when I +am writing to you, mine of the same day is reaching you. At that time, +in spite of the risk, I was enjoying all the beauty, but to-day I +confess it is poisoned for me by what we hear of the last slaughter. + +On the 26th we were made to remain on duty, in positions occupied only +at night as a rule. Our purely defensive position was lucky that day, +for we were exposed only to slight artillery fire; but on our right a +regiment of our division, in one of the terrible emplacements of +October 14th, received an awful punishment, of which the inconclusive +result cost several hundred lives. Here in our great village, where our +kind hostess knew, as we did, the victims, all is sadness. + + +_Same day._ + +. . . Nothing attacks the soul. The torture can certainly be very great, +especially the apprehension, but questions coming from the distance can +be silenced by acceptation of what is close. The weather is sweet and +soft, and Nature is indifferent. The dead will not spoil the spring. . . . + +And then, once the horror of the moment is over, when one sees its place +taken by only the memory of those who have gone, there is a kind of +sweetness in the thought of what _really exists_. In these solemn woods +one realises the inanity of sepulchres and the pomp of funerals. The +souls of the brave have no need of all that. . . . + + +_4 o'clock._ + +I have just finished the fourth portrait, a lieutenant in my company. He +is delighted. Daylight fades. I send you my thoughts, full of +cheerfulness. Hope and wisdom. + + +_January 3, 1915._ + +. . . Yesterday, after the first satisfaction of finding myself freed +from manual work, I contemplated my stripes, and I felt some +humiliation, because instead of the great anonymous superiority of the +ordinary soldier which had put me beyond all military valuation, I had +now the distinction of being a low number in military rank! + +But then I felt that each time I looked at my little bits of red wool I +should remember my social duty, a duty which my leaning towards +individualism makes me forget only too often. So I knew I was still free +to cultivate my soul, having this final effort to demand of it. + + +_January 4, despatched on the 7th_ +(in a mine). + +I am writing to you at the entrance to an underground passage which +leads under the enemy emplacement. My little job is to look out for the +safety of the sappers, who are hollowing out and supporting and +consolidating an excavation about twelve metres deep already. To get to +this place we have to plunge into mud up to our thighs, but during the +eight hours we spend here we are sheltered by earthworks several metres +thick. + +I have six men, with whom I have led an existence of sleeplessness and +privation for three days: this is the benefit I derive from the joyful +event of my new status; but as a matter of fact I am glad to take part +in these trials again. + +Besides, in a few days the temporary post which I held before may be +given to me altogether. Horrible weather, and to make matters worse, I +burnt an absolutely new boot, and am soaking wet, like the others, but +in excellent health. + +Dear, I am now going to sleep a little. + + +_January 6, evening._ + +DEAR MOTHER,--Here we are in a billet after seventy-two consecutive +hours without sleep, living in a nameless treacly substance--rain and +filth. + +I have had several letters from you, dear beloved mother; the last is +dated January 1. How I love them! But before speaking of them I must +sleep a little. + + +_January 7, towards mid-day._ + +This interrupted letter winds up at the police-station, where my section +is on guard. The weather is still horrible. It's unspeakable, this +derangement of our whole existence. We are under water: the walls are of +mud, and the floor and ceiling too. + + +_January 9._ + +. . . My consolations fail me in these days, on account of the weather. +This horrible mess lets me see nothing whatever. I close with an ardent +appeal to our love, and in the certainty of a justice higher than our +own. . . . + +Dear mother, as to sending things, I am really in need of nothing. +Penury now is of another kind, but courage, always! Yet is it even sure +that moral effort bears any fruit? + + +_January 13, morning_ (in the trench). + +I hope that when you think of me you will have in mind all those who +have left everything behind: their family, their surroundings, their +whole social environment; all those of whom their nearest and dearest +think only in the past, saying, 'We had once a brother, who, many years +ago, withdrew from this world, we know nothing of his fate.' Then I, +feeling that you too have abandoned all human attachment, will walk +freely in this life, closed to all ordinary relations. + +I don't regret my new rank; it has brought me many troubles but a great +deal of experience, and, as a matter of fact, some ameliorations. + +So I want to continue to live as fully as possible in this moment, and +that will be all the easier for me if I can feel that you have brought +yourself to the idea that my present life cannot in any way be lost. + +I did not tell you enough what pleasure the _Revues Hebdomadaires_ gave +me. I found some extracts from that speech on Lamartine which I am +passionately fond of. Circumstances led this poet to give to his art +only the lowest place. Life in general closed him round, imposing on his +great heart a more serious and immediate task than that which awaited +his genius. + + +_January 15_ (in a new billet), 12.30 P.M. + +We no longer have any issue whatever in sight. + +My only sanction is in my conscience. We must confide ourselves to an +impersonal justice, independent of any human factor, and to a useful and +harmonious destiny, in spite of the horrors of its form. + + +_January 17, afternoon_ (in a billet). + +What shall I say to you on this strange January afternoon, when thunder +is followed by snow? + +Our billet provides us with many commodities, but above all with an +intoxicating beauty and poetry. Imagine a lake in a park sheltered by +high hills, and a castle, or, rather, a splendid country house. We lodge +in the domestic offices, but I don't need any wonderful home comforts +to perfect the dream-like existence that I have led here for three days. +Last night we were visited by some singers. We were very far from the +music that I love, but the popular and sentimental tunes were quite able +to replace a finer art, because of the ardent conviction of the singer. +The workman who sang these songs, which were decent, in fact moral (a +rather questionable moral, perhaps, but still a moral), so put his soul +into it that the timbre of his voice was altogether too moving for our +hostesses. Here are the ideal people: perhaps their ideal may be said +not to exist and to be purely negative, but months of suffering have +taught me to honour it. + +I have just seen that Charles Péguy died at the beginning of the war. +How terribly French thought will have been mown down! What surpasses our +understanding (and yet what is only natural) is that civilians are able +to continue their normal life while we are in torment. I saw in the _Cri +de Paris_, which drifted as far as here, a list of concert programmes. +What a contrast! However, mother dear, the essential thing is to have +known beauty in moments of grace. + +The weather is frightful, but one can feel the coming of spring. At a +time like this nothing can speak of individual hope, only of great +general certainties. + + +_January 19._ + +We have been since yesterday in our second line positions; we came to +them in marvellous snow and frost. A furious sky, with charming rosy +colour in it, floated over the visionary forest in the snow; the trees, +limpid blue low down, brown and fretted above, the earth white. + +I have received two parcels; the _Chanson de Roland_ gives me infinite +pleasure--particularly the Introduction, treating of the national epic +and of the Mahabharata which, it seems, tells of the fight between the +spirits of good and evil. + +I am happy in your lovely letters. As for the sufferings which you +forebode for me, they are really very tolerable. + +But what we must recognise, and without shame, is that we are a +_bourgeois_ people. We have tasted of the honey of civilisation--poisoned +honey, no doubt. But no, surely that sweetness is true, and we should +not be called upon to make of our ordinary existence a preparation for +violence. I know that violence may be salutary to us, especially if in +the midst of it we do not lose sight of normal order and calm. + +Order leads to eternal rest. Violence makes life go round. We have, for +our object, order and eternal rest; but without the violence which lets +loose reserves of energy, we should be too inclined to consider order as +already attained. But anticipated order can only be a lethargy which +retards the coming of positive order. + +Our sufferings arise only from our disappointment in this delay; the +coming of true order is too long for human patience. In any case, +however suffering, we would rather not be doers of violence. It is as +when matter in fusion solidifies too quickly and in the wrong shape: it +has to be put to the fire again. This is the part violence plays in +human evolution; but that salutary violence must not make us forget what +our æsthetic citizenship had acquired in the way of perdurable peace and +harmony. But our suffering comes precisely from the fact that we do not +forget it! + + +_January 20, morning._ + +Do not think that I ever deprive myself of sleep. In that matter our +regiment is very fitful: one time we sleep for three days and three +nights; another time, the opposite. + +Now Nature gives me her support once more. The frightful spell of rain +is interrupted by fine cold days. We live in the midst of beautiful +frost and snow; the hard earth gives us a firm footing. + +My little grade gets me some solitude. I no longer have my happy walks +by night, but I have them in the day; my exemption from the hardest work +gives me time to realise the beauty of things. + +Yesterday, an unspeakable sunset. A filmy atmosphere, with shreds of +tender colour; underneath, the blue cold of the snow. + +Dear mother, it is a night of home-sickness. These familiar verses came +to me in the peace: + + 'Mon enfant, ma soeur, + Songe à la douceur + D'aller là-bas vivre ensemble + Au pays qui te ressemble.' + +Yes, Beaudelaire's _Invitation au voyage_ seemed to take wing in the +exquisite sky. Oh, I was far from war. Well, to return to earthly +things: in coming back I nearly missed my dinner. + + +_January 20, evening._ + +Acceptation always. Adaptation to the life which goes on and on, taking +no notice of our little postulations. + + +_January 21._ + +We are in our first-line emplacements. The snow has followed us, but +alas, the thaw too. Happily, in this emplacement we don't live in water +as we do in the trenches. + +Can any one describe the grace of winter trees? Did I already tell you +what Anatole France says in the _Mannequin d'Osier_? He loves their +delicate outlines and their intimate beauty more when they are uncovered +in winter. I too love the marvellous intricate pattern of their branches +against the sky. + +From my post I can see our poor village, which is collapsing more and +more. Each day shells are destroying it. The church is hollowed out, but +its old charm remains in its ruins; it crouches so prettily between the +two delicately defined hills. + +We were very happy in the second line. That time of snow was really +beautiful and clement. I told you yesterday about the sunset the other +day. And, before that, our arrival in the marvellous woods. . . . + + +_January 22._ + +. . . I have sent you a few verses; I don't know what they are worth, +but they reconciled me to life. And then our last billet was really +wonderful in its beauty. Water running over pebbles . . . vast, limpid +waters at the end of the park. Sleeping ponds, dreaming walks, which +none of this brutality has succeeded in defiling. To-day, sun on the +snow. The beauty of the snow was deeply moving, though certainly we had +some bad days, days on which there was nothing for us but the wretched +mud. + +It seems that we won't be coming back to this pretty billet. Evidently +they are making ready for something; the regularity of our winter +existence has come to an end. + + +_2 o'clock._ + +Splendid weather, herald of the spring, and we can make the most of it, +because in this place we are allowed to put our noses out of doors. + +I write badly to-day. I can only send you my love. This war is long, and +I can't even speak of patience. + +My only happiness is that during these five and a half months I have so +often been able to tell you that everything was not ugliness. . . . + + +_January 23._ + +. . . As for me, I have no desires left. When my trials are really hard to +bear, I rest content with my own unhappiness, without facing other +things. + +When they become less hard, then I begin to think, to dream, and the +past that is dear to me seems to have that same remote poetry which in +happier days drew my thoughts to distant countries. A familiar street, +or certain well-known corners, spring suddenly to my mind--just as in +other days islands of dreams and legendary countries used to rise at the +call of certain music and verse. But now there is no need of verse or +music; the intensity of dear memories is enough. + +I have not even any idea of what a new life could be; I only know that +we are making life here and now. + +For whom, and for what age? It hardly matters. What I do know, and what +is affirmed in the very depths of my being, is that this harvest of +French genius will be safely stored, and that the intellect of our race +will not suffer for the deep cuts that have been made in it. + +Who will say that the rough peasant, comrade of the fallen thinker, will +not be the inheritor of his thoughts? No experience can falsify this +magnificent intuition. The peasant's son who has witnessed the death of +the young scholar or artist will perhaps take up the interrupted work, +be perhaps a link in the chain of evolution which has been for a moment +suspended. This is the real sacrifice: to renounce the hope of being +the torch-bearer. To a child in a game it is a fine thing to carry the +flag; but for a man, it is enough to know that the flag will yet be +carried. And that is what every moment of great august Nature brings +home to me. Every moment reassures my heart: Nature makes flags out of +anything. They are more beautiful than those to which our little habits +cling. And there will always be eyes to see and cherish the lessons of +earth and sky. + + +_January 26._ + +Your dear letter of the 20th reached me last night. You must not be +angry with me if occasionally, as in my letter of the 13th, I lack the +very thing I am always forcing myself to acquire. But I ask you to +consider what can be the thoughts of one who is young, in the fulness of +productiveness, at the hour when life is flowering, if he is snatched +away, and cast upon barren soil where all he has cherished fails him. + +Well, after the first wrench he finds that life has not forsaken him, +and sets to work upon the new ungrateful ground. The effort calls for +such a concentration of energy as leaves no time for either hopes or +fears. It is the constant effort at adaptation, and I manage it, except +only in moments of the rebellion (quickly suppressed) of the thoughts +and wishes of the past. But I need my whole strength at times for +keeping down the pangs of memory and accepting what is. + +I was thinking of the sad moments that you too endure, and that was why +I encouraged you to an impersonal idea of our union. I know how strong +you are, and how prepared for this idea. Yes, you are right, we must not +meet the pain half-way. But at times it is difficult to distinguish +between the real suffering that affects us, and that which is only +possible or imminent. + +Mind you notice that _I have perfect hope_ and that I count on +prevailing grace, but, caring more than anything to be an artist, I am +occupied in drawing all the beauty out, in drawing out the utmost +beauty, as quickly as may be, none of us knowing how much time is meted +to us. + + +_January 27, afternoon._ + +After two bad nights in the billet owing to the lack of straw, the third +night was interrupted by our sudden departure for our emplacement in the +second line. + +Superb weather, frost and sun. + +Great Nature begins again to enfold me, and her voice, which is now +powerful again, consoles me.--But, dear, what a hole in one's existence! +Yes, since my promotion I have lived through moments which, though less +terrible, recalled the first days of September, but with the addition of +many blessings. I accept this new life, with no forecast of the future. + + +_January 28, in the morning sun._ + +The hard and splendid weather has this marvellous good--that it leaves +in its great pure sky an open door for poetry. Yes, all that I told you +of that beautiful time of snow came from a heart that was comforted by +such triumphant beauty. + +In the Reviews you send me I have read with pleasure the articles on +Molière, on the English parliament, on Martainville, and on the +religious questions of 1830. . . . + +Did I tell you that I learnt from the papers of the death of +Hillemacher? That dear friend was killed in this terrible war. + + +_February 1._ + +MY VERY DEAR MOTHER,--I have your dear letters of the 26th and 27th; +they do bring new life to me. + +Up till now, our first-line emplacement, which this time is in the +village, has been favoured with complete calm, and I have known once +more those hours of grace when Nature consoles me. + +My situation has this special improvement, that the drudgery I do now is +done at the instance of the general good, and no longer at the dictation +of mere routine. + + +_February 2._ + +DEAR MOTHER,--I go on with this letter in the billet, where the great +worry of accumulated work fills up the void which Melancholy would make +her own. + +Dark days have come upon me, and nothingness seems the end of all, +whereas all that is in my being had assured me of the plenitude of the +universe. Yes, devotion, not to individuals but to the social ideal of +brotherhood, sustains me still. Oh, what a magnificent example is to be +found in Jesus and in the poor. That righteous aristocrat, showing by +His abhorrent task the infinite obligation of altruistic duty, and +teaching, above all, that no return of gratitude should be demanded. . . . +To my experience of men and things I owe this tranquillity of +expecting nothing from any one. Thus duty takes an abstract form, +deprived of a human object. + +An unspeakable sunrise to-day! Another spring draws near. . . . I want +to tell you about our three days in the first line. + +Snow and frost. We went down the slopes leading to our emplacement in +the village. The night was then so beautiful that it moved the heart of +every soldier to see it. I could never say enough about the fine +delicacy of this country. How can I explain to you the chiselled effect, +allied to the dream-like mists, with the moon soaring above? For three +days my night-service took me straight to the heart of this purity, +this whiteness. + +Tarnished gold-work of the trees. And, in spite of the mist, many +colours, rose and blue. + +There are hours of such beauty that those who take them to themselves +can hardly die. I was well in front of the first lines, and never did I +feel better protected. This morning, when I came, a pink and green +sunrise over the blue and rosy snow; the open country marked with woods +and covered fields; far off, the distance, in which the silvery Meuse +fades away. O Beauty, in spite of all! + + +_February 2._ + +DEAR BELOVED MOTHER,--Your letter of the 29th has this moment come to +the billet. A nameless day, a day without form, yet a day in which the +spring most mysteriously begins to stir. Warm air in the lengthening +days; a sudden softening, a weakening of Nature. Alas, how sweet this +emotion would be if it could be felt outside this slavery, but the +weakness which comes ordinarily with spring only serves here to make +burdens heavier. + +Dear mother, how glad I am to feel the sympathy of those who are far +away. Ah, what sweetness there is! + +I am delighted by the Reviews; in an admirable article on Louis Veuillot +I noticed this phrase: 'O my God, take away my despair and leave my +grief!' Yes, we must not misunderstand the fruitful lesson taught by +grief, and if I return from this war it will most certainly be with a +soul formed and enriched. + +I also read with pleasure the lectures on Molière, and in him, as +elsewhere, I have viewed again the solitude in which the highest souls +wander. But I owe it to my old sentimental wounds never to suffer again +through the acts of others. My dearly loved mother, I will write to you +better to-morrow. + + +_February 4._ + +Last night, on coming back to the barn, drunkenness, quarrels, cries, +songs and yells. Such is life!. . . But when morning came and the +wakening from sleep still brought me memories of this, I got up before +the time, and found outside a friendly moon, and the great night taking +wing, and a dawn which had pity on me. The blessed spring day gilds +everything and scatters its promises and hopes. + +Dear, I was reflecting on Tolstoi's title, _War and Peace_. I used to +think that he wanted to express the antithesis of these two states, but +now I ask myself if he did not connect these two contraries in one and +the same folly--if the fortunes of humanity, whether at war or at peace, +were not equally a burden to his mind. By all means let us keep faithful +to our efforts to be good; but in spite of ourselves we take this +precept a little in the sense of the placards: 'Be good to animals.' How +hard it is, in the midst of daily duties, to keep guard upon oneself. + + +_February 5._ + +A sleepless night. Hateful return to the barn. Such a fearful row that +the corporals had to complain. Punishments. + +In the morning, on the march, and, in order to rest us, work to-night! + + +_February 6._ + +MY DEAR BELOVED MOTHER,--After the sleepless night in our billet, we had +to supply a working-party all the following night. So I have been +sleeping up till the very moment of writing to you. Sleep and Night are +refuges which give life still one attraction. + +Mother dear, I am living over again the lovely legend of Sarpedon; and +that exquisite flower of Greek poetry really gives me comfort. If you +will read this passage of the _Iliad_ in my beautiful translation by +Lecomte de l'Isle, you will see that Zeus utters in regard to destiny +certain words in which the divine and the eternal shine out as nobly as +in the Christian Passion. He suffers, and his fatherly heart undergoes a +long battle, but finally he permits his son to die, and Hypnos and +Thanatos are sent to gather up the beloved remains. + +Hypnos--that is Sleep. To think that I should come to that, I for whom +every waking hour was a waking joy, I for whom every moment of action +was a thrill of pride. I catch myself longing for the escape of Sleep +from the tumult that besets me. But the splendid Greek optimism shines +out as in those vases at the Louvre. By the two, Hypnos and Thanatos, +Sarpedon is lifted to a life beyond his human death; and assuredly Sleep +and Death do wonderfully magnify and continue our mortal fate. + +Thanatos--that is a mystery, and it is a terror only because the urgency +of our transitory desires makes us misconceive the mystery. But read +over again the great peaceful words of Maeterlinck in his book on death, +words ringing with compassion for our fears in the tremendous passage of +mortality. + + +_February 7._ + +MOST DEAR AND MOST BELOVED,--I have your splendid letter of the first. +Please don't hesitate to write what you think I would call mere chatter. +Your love and the absolute identity of our two hearts appear in all your +letters. And that is all I really care for. Yet they tell me a thousand +things that interest me too. + +We are living through hours of heavy labour. My rank gives me respite +now and then; but for the men it means five nights at a time without +sleep, and this repeatedly. + + +_February 9._ + +Another breathing-space in which, almost at my last gasp, I get a brief +peace. The little reviving breath comes again. I have had the good luck +to be appointed corporal on guard in delightful quarters, where I am in +command. Perfect spring weather. And what can I say of this Nature? +Never before have I so fully felt her amplitude of life. Hours and +seasons following one another surely, infallibly, unalterably, in +unchanging unity; the looker-on has a glimpse of the immensity of the +force that first set them afoot. + +I had often known the delight of watching the nearer coming of a season, +but it had not before been given to me to live in that delight moment by +moment. It is so that one learns, without the help of any kind of +science, a certain intuition, vague perhaps, but altogether +indisputable, of the Absolute. There was a man of science, possibly a +great one, who declared that he had not discovered God under his +scalpel. What a shocking mistake for an able mind to make! Where was the +need of a scalpel, when the joy and the thrill of our senses are +all-sufficient to convince us of the purpose commanding our whole +evolution? The poet watches the coming of the seasons as it were great +ships that will, he knows, set sail again. At times the storm may delay +them, but at their next coming they will bring with them the rich +fragrance of the unknown coasts. A season coming again to our own shores +seems to bring us delights which it has learnt by long travel. + +Ah, dearest mother, if one could have again a retreat for the soul! O +solitude, for those worthy to possess it! How seldom is it inviolate! + + +_February 11._ + +It may possibly be a great intended privilege for our generation to be a +witness of these horrors, but what a terrible price to pay! Well, faith, +eternal faith, is over all. Faith in an evolution, an Order, beyond our +human patience. + + +_February 11_ (2nd day in +the front line). + +In such hours as these one must perforce take refuge in the extra-human +principle of sacrifice; it is impossible for mere humanity to go +further. + +Let go all poor human hope. Seek something beyond; perhaps you have +already found it. As for me, I feel myself to be unworthy in such days +to be anything more than a memory. I picked some flowers in the mud. +Keep them in remembrance of me. + + +_5 o'clock._ + +Courage through all, courage in spite of all. + + +_February 13_ (4th day in +the front line). + +BELOVED,--After the days of tears and of rebellion of the heart that +have so shaken me, I pull myself together again to say 'Thy will be +done.' So, according to the power and the measure of my faculties, I +would be he who to the very end never despaired of his share in the +building of the Temple. I would be the workman who, knowing full well +that his scaffolding will give way and who has no hope of safety, goes +on with his stone-carving of decoration on the cathedral front. +Decoration. I am not one who will ever be able to lift the blocks of +stone. But there are others for that job. Yes, I am getting back into a +little quiet thinking. The equable tranquillity I had hoped for is not +yet mine; but I have occasional glimpses of that region of peace and +light in which all things, even our love, is renewed and transfigured. + +I am now at the foot of a peaked hill where Nature has brought the +loveliest lines of design together. Man is hunting man, and in a moment +they will be locked in fight. Meanwhile the lark is rising. + +Even as I write, a strange serenity possesses me. +Something--extraordinary comfort. Be it a human quality, be it a +revelation from on high. All around me men are asleep. + + +_February 14_ (5th day in +the front line). + +All is movement about us; we too are afoot. Even as the inevitable takes +shape, peace revisits my heart at last. My beloved country is defiled +by these detestable preparations of battle; the silence is rent by the +preliminary gun-fire; man succeeds for a time in cancelling all the +beauty of the world. But I think it will even yet find a place of +refuge. For twenty-four hours now I have been my own self. + +Dear mother, I was wrong to think so much of my 'tower of ivory.' What +we too often take for a tower of ivory is nothing more than an old +cheese where a hermit rat has made his house. + +Rather, may a better spirit move me to gratitude for the salutary shocks +that tossed me out of too pleasant a place of peace; let us be thankful +for the dispensation which, during certain hours--hours far apart but +never to be forgotten--made a man of me. + +No, no, I will not mourn over my dead youth. It led me by steep and +devious ways to the tablelands where the mists that hung over +intelligence are no more. + + +_February 16._ + +In these latter days I have passed through certain hours, made decisive +hours for me by the visibility of great and universal problems. We have +now been for five days in the front line, with exceedingly hard work, +hampered by the terrible mud. As our days have followed each other, and +as my own struggle against the frightful sadness of my soul continued, +the military situation was growing more tense, and the preparation for +action was pushing on. Then came the announcement of the order of +attack. There was only a day left--perhaps two days. It was then I wrote +you two letters, I think those of the 13th and 14th; and really, as I +was writing, I had within my heart such a plenitude of conviction, such +a sweetness of feeling, as give incontrovertible assurance of the +reality of the beautiful and the good. The bombardment of our position +was violent; but nothing that man can do is able to stifle or silence +what Nature has to say to the human soul. + +One night, between the 14th and the 15th, we were placed in trenches +that were raked by machine-guns. Our men were so exhausted that they +were obliged to give place to another battalion. We were waiting in the +wet and the cold of night when suddenly the notice came that we were +relieved. We could not tell why. But we are here again in this village, +where the men deluge their poor hearts with wine. I am in the midst of +them. + +Dear mother, if there is one thing absolute in human feeling, it is +pain. I had lived hitherto in the contemplation of the interesting +relations of different emotions, losing sight of the price, the +intrinsic value, of life itself. But now I know what is essential life. +It is that which clears the soul's way to the Absolute. But I suffered +less in that time of waiting than I am suffering now from certain +companionships. + + + +_February 16, 9 o'clock._ + +DEAR BELOVED MOTHER,--I was at dinner when they came to tell me we were +off. I knew it would be so; the counter-orders that put off the attack +cost us the march of forty kilometres in addition to the fatigues we had +to undergo in the first line. As we were leaving our sector I noticed +the arrival of such a quantity of artillery that I knew well enough the +pause was at an end. But the soul has its own peace. It is frosty +weather, with a sky full of stars. + + +_February 19_ (sent off in the full +swing of battle). + +One word only. We are in the hands of God. Never, never, have we so +needed the wisdom of confidence. Death prevails, but it does not reign. +Life is still noble. Friends of mine killed and wounded yesterday and +the day before. Dearest, our messengers may be greatly delayed. + + +_February 22._ + +We are in billets after the great battle. And this time I saw it all. I +did my duty; I knew that by the feeling of my men for me. But the best +are dead. Bitter loss. This heroic regiment. We gained our object. Will +write at more length. + + +_February 22_ (1st day in billet). + +DEAR BELOVED MOTHER,--I will tell you about the goodness of God, and the +horror of these things. The heaviness of heart that weighed me down this +month and a half past was for the coming anguish to be undergone in +these last twenty days. + +We reached the scene of action on the 17th. The preparation ceased to +interest me; I was all expectation of the event. It broke out at three +o'clock: the explosion of seven mines under the enemy's trenches. It was +like a distant thunder. Next, five hundred guns created the hell into +which we leapt. + +Night was coming on when we established ourselves in the positions we +had taken. All that night I was actively at work for the security of our +men, who had not suffered much. I had to cover great tracts, over which +were scattered the wounded and the dead of both sides. My heart yearned +over them, but I had nothing better than words to give them. In the +morning we were driven, with serious loss, back to our previous +positions, but in the evening we attacked again; we retook our whole +advance; here again I did my duty. In my advance I got the sword of an +officer who surrendered; after that I placed my men for guarding our +ground. The captain ordered me to his side, and I gave him the plan of +our position. He was telling me of his decision to have me mentioned, +when he was killed before my eyes. + +Briefly, under the frightful fire of those three days, I organised and +kept going the work of supplying cartridges; in this job five of my men +were wounded. Our losses are terrible; those of the enemy greater still. +You cannot imagine, beloved mother, what man will do against man. For +five days my shoes have been slippery with human brains, I have walked +among lungs, among entrails. The men eat, what little they have to eat, +at the side of the dead. Our regiment was heroic; we have no officers +left. They all died as brave men. Two good friends--one of them a fine +model of my own for one of my last pictures--are killed. That was one of +the terrible incidents of the evening. A white body, splendid under the +moon! I lay down near him. The beauty of things awoke again for me. + +At last, after five days of horror that lost us twelve hundred men, we +were ordered back from the scene of abomination. + +The regiment has been mentioned in despatches. + +Dear mother, how shall I ever speak of the unspeakable things I have had +to see? But how shall I ever tell of the certainties this tempest has +made clear to me? Duty; effort. + + +_February 23._ + +DEAREST BELOVED MOTHER,--A second day in billets. To-morrow we go to the +front. Darling, I can't write to-day. Let us draw ever nearer to the +eternal, let us remain devoted to our duty. I know how your thoughts fly +to meet mine, and I turn mine towards the happiness of wisdom. Let us +take courage; let me be brave among these young dead men, and be you +brave in readiness. God is over us. + + +_February 26_ +(a splendid afternoon). + +DEAR MOTHER,--Here we are again upon the battlefield. We have climbed +the hill from which it would be better to praise the glory of God than +to condemn the horrors of men. Innumerable dead at the setting-out of +our march; but they grow fewer, leaving here and there some poor stray +body, the colour of clay--a painful encounter. Our losses are what are +called 'serious' in despatches. + +At all events I can assure you that our men are admirable and their +resignation is heroic. All deplore this infamous war, but nearly all +feel that the fulfilment of a hideous duty is the one only thing that +justifies the horrible necessity of living at such a time as this. + +Dear mother, I cannot write more. The plain is settling to sleep under +colours of violet and rose. How can things be so horrible? + + +_February 28_ (in a billet). + +DEAR BELOVED MOTHER, AND DEAR BELOVED GRANDMOTHER,--I am writing to you, +having just struggled out of a most appalling nightmare, and out of +Dantesque scenes that I have lived through. Things that Gustave Doré had +the courage to picture through the text of the _Divina Commedia_ have +come to pass, with all the variety and circumstance of fact. In the +midst of labours that happily tend to deaden one's feelings, I have been +able to gather the better fruits of pain. + +On the 24th, in the evening, we returned to our positions, from which +the more hideous of the traces of battle had been partly removed. Only a +few places were still scattered with fragments of men that were taking +on the semblance of that clay to which they were returning. The weather +was fine and cold, and the heights we had gained brought us into the +very sky. The immensities appeared only as lights: the higher light, a +brilliance of stars; the lower light, a glow of fires. The frightful +bombardment with which the Germans overwhelm us is really a waste of +fireworks. + +I lay in a dug-out from which I could follow the moon, and watch for +daybreak. Now and again a shell crumbled the soil about me, and deafened +me; then silence came again upon the frozen earth. I have paid the +price, I have paid dearly, but I have had moments of solitude that were +full of God. + +I really think I have tried to adapt myself to my work, for, as I told +you, I am proposed for the rank of sergeant and for mention in +despatches. Ah, but, dearest mother, this war is long, too long for men +who had something else to do in the world! What you tell me of the kind +feeling there is for me in Paris gives me pleasure; but--am I not to be +brought out of this for a better kind of usefulness? Why am I so +sacrificed, when so many others, not my equals, are spared? Yet I had +something worth doing to do in the world. Well, if God does not intend +to take away this cup from me, His will be done. + + +_March 3_ (in a billet). + +This is the fourth day of rest, for me almost a holiday time. Rather a +sad holiday, I own; it reminds me of certain visits to Marlotte. These +days have been spent in attempts to recover from physical fatigue and +moral weariness, and in the filling up of vacant hours. Still, a kind of +holiday, a halt rather, giving one time to arrange one's impressions, so +long confused by the violence of action. + +I have been stupefied by the noise of the shells. Think--from the French +side alone forty thousand have passed over our heads, and from the +German side about as many, with this difference, that the enemy shells +burst right upon us. For my own part, I was buried by three 305 shells +at once, to say nothing of the innumerable shrapnel going off close by. +You may gather that my brain was a good deal shaken. And now I am +reading. I have just read in a magazine an article on three new novels, +and that reading relieved many of the cares of battle. + +I have received a most beautiful letter from André, who must be a +neighbour of mine out here. He thinks as I do about our dreadful war +literature. What does flourish is a faculty of musical improvisation. +All last night I heard the loveliest symphonies, fully orchestral; and I +am bound to say that they owed their best to the great music that is +Germany's. + +After my experiences I must really let myself go a little in the +pleasure of this furtive sun of March. + + +_March 5_ (6th day in billets). + +I wish I could recover in myself the extreme sensibilities I felt before +the fiery trial, so that I might describe for you the colours and the +aspects of the drama we have passed through. But just now I am in a +state of numbness, pleasant enough in itself, yet apt to hinder my +vision of things present and my forecasts of things to come. I have to +make an effort to keep hold of eternal and essential things; perhaps I +shall succeed in time. + +And yet certain sights on the wasted field of war had so noble a lesson, +a teaching so persuasive, that I should love to share with you the great +certainties of those days. How harmonious is death within the natural +soil, how admirable is the manner of man's return to the substance of +his mother earth, compared with the poverty of funeral ceremonial! +Yesterday I thought of those poor dead as forsaken things. But I had +been present at the burial of an officer, and it seems to me that Nature +is more compassionate than man. Yes indeed, the soldier's death is close +to natural things. It is a frank horror, a horror that does not attempt +to cheat the law of violence. I often passed close to bodies that were +gradually passing into the clay, and their change seemed more comforting +than the cold and unchanging aspect of the tombs of town cemeteries. +From our life in the open we have gained a freedom of conception, an +amplitude of thought and of habit, which will for ever make cities +horrible and artificial to those who survive the war. + +Dear mother, I write but ill of things that I have greatly felt. Let us +seek refuge in the peace of spring and in the treasure of the present +moment. + + +_March 7, half-past ten._ + +DEAR BELOVED MOTHER,--I am filling up the idleness of this morning. I am +rejoicing in the clear waters of the Meuse that give life to dales and +gardens. The play of the current over weeds and pebbles makes a soothing +sight for my tired eyes, and expresses the calm life of this big village +that is sheltered by the Meuse hills. The church here is thronged with +soldiers who possess, as I do, a definite intuition of the Ideal, but +who seek it by more stated and less immediate means. + +I am to board for a fortnight in the house in which, nearly two months +ago, our joyous company used to meet. To-day I have seen the tears of +these same friends, weeping to hear of the wounded and the dead. + +I received your sleeping-sack, which is quite right. I am worried with +rheumatism, which has spoilt many of my nights in billets these two +months past. + +Darling mother, here is a calm in the noise of that barrack-life which +must now be ours. As there are none here but non-commissioned officers, +they are all ordered to hard jobs, and I shall renew my acquaintance +with brooms and burdens. We have been warned; we shall have to work with +our hands. And so we learn to direct others. + + +_March 7_ (another letter). + +Soft weather after rain. Bells in the evening; flowing waters singing +under the bridges; trees settling to sleep. + + +_March 11._ + +DARLING MOTHER,--I have nothing to say about my life, which is filled up +with manual labour. At moments perhaps some image appears, some memory +rises. I have just read a fine article by Renan on the origins of the +Bible. I found it in a _Revue des Deux Mondes_ of 1886. If later I can +remember something of it, I may be able to put my very scattered +notions on that matter into better order. + +I feel as though I were recovering from typhoid fever. What I chiefly +enjoy is water; the running and the sleeping waters of the Meuse. The +springs play on weeds and pebbles. The ponds lie quiet under great +trees. Streams and waterfalls. On the steep hillsides the snow looks +brilliant and visionary. I live in all these things without forms of +words. And I am rather ashamed to be vegetating, though I think all must +pass through this phase, just removed from the hell of the front. I eat, +and when my horrid rheumatism allows, I sleep. + +Don't be angry with my inferiority. I feel as though my armour had been +taken off. Well, I can't help it. + + +_5 o'clock._ + +I am a good deal tired by drill. But the fine air of the Meuse keeps me +in health. Dear mother, I wish I might always seek all that is noble and +good. I wish I might always feel within myself the inspiration that +urges towards the true treasures of life. But alas! just now I have a +mind of lead. + + +_March 14, Sunday morning, +in the Sabbath peace._ + +DEAREST MOTHER,--Your good, life-giving letters have come at last, after +my long privation, the price I paid for my enjoyment of rest. The pretty +town is waking in the haze of the river, the waters hurry over their +clean stones. All things have that look of moderation and charming +finish that is characteristic of this part of the country. + +I read a little, but I am so overtired by the physical exertion to which +we are compelled, that I fall asleep on the instant. We are digging +trenches and trenches. + +Dear mother, to go back to those wonderful times of the end of February, +I must repeat that my memory of them is something like that of an +experiment in science. I had conceived violence under a theoretic +formula; I had divined its part in the worlds. But I had not yet +witnessed its actual practice, except in infinitely small examples. And +now at last violence was displayed before me on such a scale that my +whole faculty of receptiveness was called upon to face it. Well, it was +interesting; and I may tell you that I never relaxed from my attitude of +cool and impersonal watchfulness. What I had kept about me of my own +individuality was a certain visual perceptiveness that caused me to +register the setting of things, a setting that dramatised itself as +'artistically' as in any stage-management. During all those minutes I +never relaxed in my resolve to see 'how it was.' + +I was very happy to find that the 'intoxication of slaughter' never had +any possession of me. I hope it will always be so. Unfortunately, +contact with the German race has for ever spoilt my opinion of those +people. I cannot quite succeed in quelling a sensibility and a +humanitarianism that I know to be misplaced, and that would make me the +dupe of a treacherous enemy; but I have come to tolerate things which I +had held in abomination as the very negation of life. + +I have seen the French soldier fight. He is terrible in action, and +after action magnanimous. That is the phrase. It is a very common +commonplace; our greatest writers and the humblest of our schoolboys +have trotted it out alike; and now my decadent ex-intellectualism finds +nothing better to say at the sight of the soul of the Frenchman. + + +To Madame de L. + +_March 14, 1915._ + +My mother has told me of the new trial that has just come upon you. +Truly life is crushing for some souls. I know your fortitude, and I know +that you are only too well used to sorrow; but how much I wish that you +had been spared this blow! My mother had written to me of the lack of +any news of Colonel B., and she was anxious. It is the grief of those +dear to us that troubles us out here. But there is in the sight of a +soldier's death a lesson of greatness and of immortality that arms our +hearts; and our desire is that our beloved ones might share it with us. +Be sure that the Colonel's example will bear magnificent fruit. I know, +for I have seen it, what heroism transfigures the soldier whose leader +has fallen. + +As for myself, the time has been rife with tragedies; throughout I have +tried to do my duty. + +I saw all my superior officers killed, and the whole regiment decimated. +There can be no more human hope for those who are cast into this +furnace. I place myself in the hands of God, asking of Him that He would +keep me in such a state of heart and soul as may enable me to enjoy and +love in His creation all the beauty that man has not yet denied and +concealed. + +All else has lost proportion in my life. + + +_March 15_ (a post-card). + +DEAR BELOVED MOTHER,--I suppose that by now you know my good fortune in +getting this platoon. Whatever God intends for me, this halt has given +me the opportunity of regaining possession of myself, and of preparing +myself to accept whatever may befall me. I send you my love and the +union of our hearts in the face of fate. + + +_March 17._ + +A charming morning. A white sun swathing itself in mist, the fine +outlines of trees on the heights, and the great spaces in light. It is a +pause full of good luck. The other day, reading an old _Revue des Deux +Mondes_ of 1880, I came upon an excellent article as one might come upon +a noble palace with vaulted roof and decorated walls. It was on Egypt, +and was signed George Perrot. + +Yesterday my battalion left these billets. I am obliged to stay behind +for my instruction as sergeant. How thankful I am for this respite, +laborious as it is, that gives me a chance of recovering what I care for +most--a clear mind, and a heart open to the spirit of Nature. + +I forgot to tell you that a day or two ago, during the storm, I saw the +cranes coming home towards evening. A lull in the weather allowed me to +hear their cry. To think how long it is since I saw them take flight +from here! It was at the beginning of the winter, and they left +everything the sadder for their going. And now it was for me like the +coming of the dove to the ark; not that I deceived myself as to the +dangers that had not ceased, but that these ambassadors of the air +brought me a visible assurance of the universal peace beyond our human +strife. + +And yesterday the wild geese made for the north. They flew in various +order, tracing regular formations in the sky; and then they disappeared +over the horizon like a floating ribbon. + +I am much gratified by M.C.'s appreciation. I always had a love of +letters, even as a child, and I am only sorry that the break in my +education, brought about by myself, leaves so many blanks. I keep, +however, throughout all changes and chances, the faculty of gleaning to +right and left some fallen grain. Of course, as I leave out the future, +I say nothing of my wish to be introduced to him in happier times--that +is out of our department just now. + +I have written to Madame L. It is the last blow for her. The fate of +some of us is as it were a medal on which are struck the image and +superscription of sorrow. Adversity has worked so well that there is no +room for any symbol of joy. But I think that this dedication of a life +to grief is not unaccompanied by a secret compensation in the conviction +that misfortune is at last complete; it is something to reach the +high-water mark of the waters of sorrow. The fate of such sufferers +seems to me to be an outpost showing others whence tribulation +approaches. + +Day by day a new crop is raised in the little military burial-ground +here. And, over all, the triumphant spring. + + +_March 20._ + +Our holiday is coming to an end in sweetness, while all is tumult and +carnage not far off. I think the regiment has had a long march. + + +_March 20._ + +DEAR BELOVED MOTHER,--After so many graces granted me, I ought to have +more confidence, and I intend to do my best to give myself wholly into +the hands of God; but these are hard times. I have just heard of the +death, among many others, of the friend whose bed I shared in our +billet. He had just been appointed Second Lieutenant. Mother dear: Love. +That is the only human feeling we may cherish now. + + +_March 21._ + +DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--As the day of trial draws near I send you all my +love. I can do no more. We are probably called upon to make such a +sacrifice as forbids us to dwell upon our ties. Let us pray that the +certitude of Goodness and Beauty may not fail us when we suffer. + + +_March 21, Sunday, with +lovely sunshine._ + +DEAR BELOVED MOTHER,--I think that we may be kept here one day more, and +that we shall leave on Tuesday. I don't know where I shall rejoin my +battalion, or in what state I shall find it, for the action seems to be +violent and long. Rumours are very contradictory as to our gains. But +all agree as to the large number of casualties. We can hear a tremendous +cannonade, and the good weather no doubt induces the command on both +sides to move. + +I should have wished to say many things about the noble Nature that +surrounds us with its glory, but my thoughts are gone on in advance, +there where the sun does not see men gathered together to honour him, +but shines only upon their hatred, and where the moon, too, looks upon +treachery and anguish. + +The other day, overlooking this great prospect of earth welcoming the +spring, I remembered the joy I once had to be a man. And now to be a +man---- + +Our neighbour regiment, that of R.L., has returned with a few of its +companies reduced to some two-score men. + +I dare not now speak of hope. The grace for which one may still pray is +a complete sense of what beauty the passing hour can still yield us. It +is a new manner of 'living one's life' that literature had not foreseen. + +Dear Grandmother, how well your tenderness has served to keep me up in +my time of trial. + + +_March 22._ + +A splendid sun; looking on it one is amazed to see the world at war. +Spring has come in triumph. It has surprised mankind in the act of +hatred, in the act of outrage upon creation. The despatches tell us +little, fortunately, of what is happening. + +Being now these twenty-one days away from the front, I find it difficult +to re-accustom myself to the thought of the monstrous things going on +there. Indeed, dear mother, I know that your life and mine have had but +one object, one aim, and that even in the time we are passing through, +we have never lost sight of it, but have constantly tried to draw +nearer. + +Therefore our lives may not have been altogether useless. This is the +only thought to comfort an ambitious soul--to forecast the influence and +the consequences of its acts. + +I believe that if longer life had been granted me I should never have +relaxed in my purpose. Having no certainty but that of the present, I +have tried to put myself to the best use. + + +_March 25._ + +Here I am living this life in the earth again. I found the very hole +that I left last month. Nothing has been done while I was away; a +formidable attack was attempted, but it failed. The regiments ordered to +engage had neither our dash nor our perfect steadiness under fire. They +succeeded only in getting themselves cut to pieces, and in bringing upon +us the most atrocious bombardment that ever was. It seems the action +before this was nothing to be compared with it. My company lost a great +many men by the aerial bombs. These projectiles measure a metre in +height and twenty-seven centimetres in diameter; they describe a high +curve, and fall vertically, exploding in the narrowest passages. We are +several metres deep underground. Pleasant weather. At night we go to the +surface for our hard work. + +Dearest, I wanted to say a heap of things about our joys, but some of +them are best left quiet, unawakened. All coarse, common pleasure would +frighten them away--they might die. + +I am writing again after a sleep. We get all the sleep we can in our +dug-outs. + +I had a pile of thoughts that fatigue prevents my putting in order; but +I remember that I evoked Beethoven. I am now precisely at the age he had +reached when disaster came upon him; and I admired his great example, +his energies at work in spite of suffering. The impediment must have +seemed to him as grave as what is before me seems to us; but he +conquered. To my mind Beethoven is the most magnificent of human +translations of the creative Power. + +I am writing badly, for I am still asleep. + +How easy, how kind were all the circumstances of my return! I left the +house alone, but passing a battery of artillery I was accosted by the +non-commissioned officers with offers of the most friendly hospitality. +The artillery are devoted to the Tenth, for we defend them; and as the +good fellows are not even exposed to the rain they pity us exceedingly. + +I must close abruptly, loving you for your courage that so sustains me. +Whatever happens, I have recovered joy. The night I came was so lovely! + + +_March 26._ + +DEARLY BELOVED MOTHER,--Nothing new in our position; the organising goes +on. Interesting but not easy work. The fine weather prospers it. Now and +again our pickaxes come upon a poor dead man whom the war harasses even +in his grave. + + +_March 28_ (on the heights; a grey +Sunday; weather broken by +yesterday's bombardment). + +We are again in full fight. A great attack from our side has repeated +the carnage of last week. My company, which was cut up in the last +assault, was spared this time; we had nothing to do but occupy a sector +of the defence. So we got only the splashes of the fighting. + +On the loveliest Saturday of this spring I had a distant view of the +battle; I saw the crawling beast that a battalion looks like, twisting +as it advances under the smoke of the guns. The _chasseurs à pied_ go +forward in spite of the machine-guns and of the bombardment, French and +German. These fine fellows did what they had to do in spite of all, and +have made amends for the check we had last week when our attack was a +failure. + +For a month past I have been living Raffet's lithographs, with this +difference, that in his time one could be an eyewitness in comparative +safety at the distance where I stood, for the guns of those days did not +shoot far. But I saw fine things in that great plain beneath our +heights; a hundred thousand fires of bursting shells. And the +_chasseurs_ climbing, climbing. + + +_Sunday, March 28_ (2nd letter). + +DEAR MOTHER,--Radiant weather rose this morning. I have been a long way +over our sector, and now the bombardment begins again, and grows. + +And still I turn my thoughts to hope. Whatever happens, I pray for +wisdom for you and for me. + +Dearest, I feel at times how easy it would be to turn again to those +pursuits that were once the charm and the interest of my life. At times +I catch myself, in this lovely spring, so bent upon painting that I +could mourn because I paint no more. But I compel myself to master all +the resources of my will and to keep them to the difficult straits of +this life. + + +_April 1._ + +A sun that lays bare the lovely youth of the spring. The stream of the +Meuse runs through this rich and comely village, which the echoes of the +cannonade reach only as a dull thud, their meaning lost. + +We have had to change again, as the reinforcements are arriving in such +numbers that our places are wanted; and it is always our regiment that +has to turn out. + +But to-day all is freshness and light. The great rich plain that is +edged by the Meuse uplands has its distance all invested in the +tenderest silver tones. + +I am pleased with Gabrielle's letter; it shows me what things will be +laid upon the heart of France when these events are at an end. A +touching letter from Pierre, cured at last of his terrible wound. A +splendid letter from Grandmother. How she longs for our meeting again! I +cannot speak of it. + + * * * * * + +I finish this letter by the waterside, recalling with delight the joys I +used to have in painting. Before me are the sparkling rays of spring. + + +_April 3_ (post-card). + +Only a word from the second line. We are in the spring woods. Sun and +rain at play in the sky. Courage through all. + + +_April 3_ (2nd letter). + +I wish I had written you better letters in these days, every minute of +which has been sweet to me, even when we were in the front line. But I +confess that I was satisfied just to let myself live in the beauty of +the days, serene days in spite of the clamours of war. We know nothing +of what is to happen. But there is more movement--coming and going. +Shall we have to bear the shock again? + +Think what it was for us when we were last in the front line, to have to +spend whole days in the dug-out that the odious bombardment had +compelled us to hollow out of the hillside ten metres deep. There, in +complete darkness, night was awaited for the chance to get out. But once +my fellow non-commissioned officers and I began humming the nine +symphonies of Beethoven. I cannot tell what thrill woke those notes +within us. They seemed to kindle great lights in the cave. We forgot the +Chinese torture of being unable to lie, or sit, or stand. + +The life of a sergeant in billets is really quite pleasant. But I take +no advantage. As to the front, I hope Providence will give me strength +of heart to do my duty there to the very end. A good friend of mine, who +was my section-chief, has been appointed adjutant to our company. This +is all trivial enough; but, dearest, I am in a rather feeble state; I +was not well after the events of last month. So I let myself glide over +the gentle slopes of my life. Suppose one comes to skirt a precipice? +May Providence keep us away from the edge! + + +_April 4._ + +DARLING MOTHER,--A time of anxious waiting, big with the menace of near +things. Meanwhile, however, idleness and quiet. I am not able to think, +and I give myself up to my fate. Beloved, don't find fault with me if +for a month past I have been below the mark. Love me, and tell our +friends to love me. + +Did you get my photograph? It was taken at the fortunate time of our +position here, when we were having peaceful days, with no immediate +enemy except the cold. A few days later I was made corporal, and my life +became hard enough, burdened with very ungrateful labours. After that, +the storm; and the lights of that storm are still bright in my life. + + +_April 4, evening of Easter Sunday._ + +DEAR MOTHER,--We are again in the immediate care of God. At two o'clock +we march towards the storm. Beloved, I think of you, I think of you +both. I love you, and I entrust the three of us to the Providence of +God. May everything that happens find us ready! In the full power of my +soul, I pray for this, on your behalf, on mine: hope through all; but, +before all else, Wisdom and Love. + +I kiss you, without more words. All my mind is now set upon the hard +work to be done. + + +_April 5, 1 o'clock A.M._ + +DEAR MOTHER AND DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--We are off. Courage. Wisdom and Love. +Perhaps all this is ordained for the good of all. I can but send you my +whole love. My life is lived in you alone. + + +_April 5, towards noon._ + +DEAR MOTHER,--We are now to be put to the proof. Up to this moment there +has been no sign that mercy was failing us. It is for us to strive to +deserve it. This afternoon we shall need all our resolution, and we +shall have to call upon the supreme Wisdom for help. + +Dear beloved Mother, dear Grandmother, I wish I could still have the +delight of getting your letters. Let us pray that we may be strengthened +even in what is before us now. + +Dear Darling, once more all my love for you both. + +YOUR SON. + + +_April 6, noon._ + +DEAR BELOVED MOTHER,--It is mid-day, and we are at the forward position, +in readiness. I send you my whole love. Whatever comes to pass, life has +had its beauty. + + +_It was in the fight of this day, April 6, that the writer of these +letters disappeared._ + + * * * * * + +Printed by T. and A. CONSTABLE, Printers to His Majesty at the Edinburgh +University Press + + * * * * * + +Transcriber's notes: + +Periods added to a few date-lines to conform to rest of text. + +Page 95, A space in the text was replaced with "us as". This has been +surmised. "moves us as a Breughel . . ." + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Letters of a Soldier, by Anonymous + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LETTERS OF A SOLDIER *** + +***** This file should be named 17316-8.txt or 17316-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/7/3/1/17316/ + +Produced by Irma Spehar, Emmy and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Letters of a Soldier + 1914-1915 + +Author: Anonymous + +Commentator: A. Clutton-Brock + André Chevrillon + +Translator: V.M. + +Release Date: December 15, 2005 [EBook #17316] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LETTERS OF A SOLDIER *** + + + + +Produced by Irma Spehar, Emmy and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries) + + + + + + +</pre> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_i" id="Page_i">[Pg i]</a></span></p> + + + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_ii" id="Page_ii">[Pg ii]</a></span></p> +<div class="center"><br /><br />You do not know the things that are taught by him +who falls. I do know.</div> + +<div class='sig'>(<i>Letter of October 15, 1914.</i>)<br /><br /></div> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_iii" id="Page_iii">[Pg iii]</a></span></p> + + + +<h1>LETTERS OF A SOLDIER</h1> + +<h2>1914-1915</h2> + +<div class="center"><br /><br />WITH AN INTRODUCTION BY</div> +<h2>A. CLUTTON-BROCK</h2> + +<div class="center"><br /><br />AND A PREFACE BY</div> +<h3>ANDRÉ CHEVRILLON</h3> + +<p class="center"><br /><br />AUTHORISED TRANSLATION BY<br /> +V.M.</p> + +<p class="center"><br /><br /><br />LONDON<br /> +CONSTABLE AND COMPANY LTD<br /> +1917</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_iv" id="Page_iv">[Pg iv]</a></span></p> + + +<p class="center">Printed in Great Britain +</p> +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + + +<h2>CONTENTS</h2> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_v" id="Page_v">[Pg v]</a></span></p> + + + + + +<div class='center'> +<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" summary="Contents"> +<tr><td align='left'></td><td align='right'>PAGE</td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>INTRODUCTION</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_vii'>vii</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>PREFACE BY ANDRÉ CHEVRILLON</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_3'>3</a></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'>LETTERS</td><td align='right'><a href='#Page_33'>33</a></td></tr> +</table></div> + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_vi" id="Page_vi">[Pg vi]</a></span></p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_vii" id="Page_vii">[Pg vii]</a></span></p> + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>INTRODUCTION</h2> + + +<p>I have been asked to write an Introduction to these letters; and I do +so, in spite of the fact that M. Chevrillon has already written one, +because they are stranger to me, an Englishman, than they could be to +him a Frenchman; and it seems worth while to warn other English readers +of this strangeness. But I would warn them of it only by way of a +recommendation. We all hope that after the war there will be a growing +intimacy between France and England, that the two countries will be +closer to each other than any two countries have ever been before. But +if this is to happen we must not be content with admiring each other. +Mere admiration will die away; indeed, some part of our present +admiration of the French has come from our failure to understand them.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_viii" id="Page_viii">[Pg viii]</a></span> +There is a surprise in it which they cannot think flattering, and which +ought never to have been. Perhaps they also have been surprised by us; +for it is certain that we have not known each other, and have been +content with those loose general opinions about each other which are the +common result of ignorance and indifference.</p> + +<p>What we need then is understanding; and these letters will help us to +it. They are, as we should have said before the war, very French, that +is to say, very unlike what an Englishman would write to his mother, or +indeed to any one. Many Englishmen, if they could have read them before +the war, would have thought them almost unmanly; yet the writer +distinguished himself even in the French army. But perhaps unmanly is +too strong a word to be put in the mouth even of an imaginary and stupid +Englishman. No one, however stupid, could possibly have supposed that<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_ix" id="Page_ix">[Pg ix]</a></span> +the writer was a coward; but it might have been thought that he was +utterly unfitted for war. So the Germans thought that the whole French +nation, and indeed every nation but themselves, was unfitted for war, +because they alone willed it, and rejoiced in the thought of it. And +certainly the French had a greater abhorrence of war even than +ourselves; how great one can see in these letters. The writer of them +never for a moment tries or pretends to take any pleasure in war. His +chief aim in writing is to forget it, to speak of the consolations which +he can still draw from the memories of his past peaceful life, and from +the peace of the sky and the earth, where it is still unravaged. He is, +or was, a painter (one cannot say which, for he is missing), and the +moment he has time to write, he thinks of his art again. It would hardly +be possible for any Englishman to ignore the war so resolutely, to +refuse any kind of consent to it; or, if an Englishman were capable of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_x" id="Page_x">[Pg x]</a></span> +such refusal, he would probably be a conscientious objector. We must +romanticise things to some extent if we are to endure them; we must at +least make jokes about them; and that is where the French fail to +understand us, like the Germans. If a thing is bad to a Frenchman, it is +altogether bad; and he will have no dealings with it. He may have to +endure it; but he endures gravely and tensely with a sad Latin dignity, +and so it is that this Frenchman endures the war from first to last. For +that reason the Germans, after their failure on the Marne, counted on +the nervous exhaustion of the French. It was a favourite phrase with +them—one of those formulæ founded on knowledge without understanding +which so often mislead them.—Their formula for us was that we cared for +nothing but football and marmalade.—But reading these letters one can +understand how they were de<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xi" id="Page_xi">[Pg xi]</a></span>ceived. The writer of them seems to be +always enduring tensely. It is part of his French sincerity never to +accept any false consolation. He will not try to believe what he knows +to be false, even so that he may endure for the sake of France. Yet he +does endure, and all France endures, in a state of mind that would mean +weakness in us and utter collapse in the Germans. The war is to him like +an incessant noise that he tries to forget while he is writing. He does +not write as a matter of duty, and so that his mother may know that he +is still living; rather he writes to her so that he may ease a little +his desire to talk to her. We are used to French sentiment about the +mother; it is a commonplace of French eloquence, and we have often +smiled at it as mere sentimental platitude; but in these letters we see +a son's love for his mother no longer insisted upon or dressed up in +rhetoric, but naked and unconscious, a habit of the mind, a need of the +soul, a support <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xii" id="Page_xii">[Pg xii]</a></span>even to the weakness of the flesh. Such affection with +us is apt to be, if not shamefaced, at least a little off-hand. Often it +exists, and is strong; but it is seldom so constant an element in all +joy and sorrow. The most loving of English sons would not often rather +talk to his mother than to any one else; but one knows that this +Frenchman would rather talk to his mother than to any one else, and that +he can talk to her more intimately than to any woman or man. One can see +that he has had the long habit of talking to her thus, so that now he +does it easily and without restraint. He tells her the deepest thoughts +of his mind, knowing that she will understand them better than any one +else. That foreboding which the mother felt about her baby in Morris's +poem has never come true about him:</p> + + +<div class='center'> +<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Lo, here thy body beginning"> +<tr><td align='left'>'Lo, here thy body beginning, O son, and thy soul and thy life,</td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: .5em;">But how will it be if thou livest and enterest into the strife,</span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xiii" id="Page_xiii">[Pg xiii]</a></span></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: .5em;">And in love we dwell together when the man is grown in thee,</span></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: .5em;">When thy sweet speech I shall hearken, and yet 'twixt thee and me</span></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: .5em;">Shall rise that wall of distance that round each one doth grow,</span></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: .5em;">And maketh it hard and bitter each other's thought to know?'</span></td></tr> +</table></div> + +<p>This son has lived and entered into the strife indeed; but the wall of +distance has not grown round him; and, as we read these letters, we +think that no French mother would fear the natural estrangement which +that English mother in the poem fears. The foreboding itself seems to +belong to a barbaric society in which there is a more animal division of +the sexes, in which the male fears to become effeminate if he does not +insist upon his masculinity even to his mother. But this Frenchman has +left barbarism so far behind that he is not afraid of effeminacy; nor +does he need to remind himself that he is a male. There is a philosophy +to which this forgetfulness <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xiv" id="Page_xiv">[Pg xiv]</a></span>of masculinity is decadence. According to +that philosophy, man must remember always that he is an animal, a proud +fighting animal like a bull or a cock; and the proudest of all fighting +animals, to be admired at a distance by all women unless he condescends +to desire them, is the officer. No one could be further from such a +philosophy than this Frenchman; he is so far from it that he does not +seem even to be aware of its existence. He hardly mentions the Germans +and never expresses anger against them. The worst he says of them almost +makes one smile at its naïve gentleness. 'Unfortunately, contact with +the German race has for ever spoilt my opinion of those people.' They +are to him merely a nation that does not know how to behave. He reminds +one of Talleyrand, who said of Napoleon after one of his rages: 'What a +pity that so great a man should have been so badly brought up.' But +there was malice in that understatement of Talleyrand's; and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xv" id="Page_xv">[Pg xv]</a></span>there is +none in the understatement of this Frenchman. He has no desire for +revenge; his only wish is that his duty were done and that he could +return home to his art and his mother. To the philosophy I have spoken +of that would seem a pitiable state of mind. No one could be less like a +Germanic hero than this French artist; and yet the Germans were in error +when they counted on an easy victory over him and his like, when they +made sure that a conscious barbarism must prevail over an unconscious +civilisation.</p> + +<p>These letters reveal to us a new type of soldier, a new type of hero, +almost a new type of man; one who can be brave without any animal +consolations, who can endure without any romantic illusions, and, what +is more, one who can have faith without any formal revelation. For there +is nothing in the letters more interesting than the religion constantly +expressed or implied in them. The writer is not a Catholic. Catholic +fervour on its figurative side, he says, will <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xvi" id="Page_xvi">[Pg xvi]</a></span>always leave him cold. He +finds the fervour of Verlaine almost gross. He seems afraid to give any +artistic expression to his own faith, lest he should falsify it by +over-expression, lest it should seem to be more accomplished than it is. +He will not even try to take delight in it; he is almost fanatically an +intellectual ascetic; and yet again and again he affirms a faith which +he will hardly consent to specify by uttering the name of God. He is shy +about it, as if it might be refuted if it were expressed in any dogmatic +terms. So many victories seem to have been won over faith in the modern +world that his will not throw down any challenge. If it is to live, it +must escape the notice of the vulgar triumphing sceptics, and even of +the doubting habits of his own mind. Yet it does live its own humble and +hesitating life; and in its hesitations and its humility is its +strength. He could not be acclaimed by any eager bishop as a lost sheep +returning repentant to the fold; but <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xvii" id="Page_xvii">[Pg xvii]</a></span>he is not lost, nor is the +universe to him anything but a home and the dear city of God even in the +trenches.</p> + +<p>His expression of this faith is always vague, tentative, and +inconclusive. He is certain of something, but he cannot say what; yet he +knows that he is certain, although, if he were to try to express his +certainty in any old terms, he would reject it himself. He knows; but he +cannot tell us or himself what he knows. There are sentences in which, +as M. Chevrillon says, he speaks like an Indian sage; but I do not think +that Indian philosophy would have satisfied him, because it is itself +satisfied. For he is in this matter of faith a primitive, beginning to +build a very small and humble temple out of the ruins of the past. He +has no science of theology, nothing but emotions and values, and a trust +in them. They are for a reality that he can scarcely express at all; and +yet he is the more sure of its existence because of the torment <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xviii" id="Page_xviii">[Pg xviii]</a></span>through +which he is passing. He uses that word <i>torment</i> more than once. The war +is to him a martyrdom in which he bears witness to his love, not only +for France, but also for that larger country which is the universe. The +torment makes him more sure of it than ever before; it heightens his +sense of values; and he knows that what matters to a man is not whether +he is joyful or sorrowful, but the quality of his joy and his sorrow. +There are times when, like an Indian sage, he thinks that all life is +contemplation; but this thought is only the last refuge of the spirit +against a material storm. He is not one of those who would go into the +wilderness and lose themselves in the depths of abstract thought; he is +a European, an artist, a lover, one for whom the visible world exists, +and to whom the Christian doctrine of love is but the expression of his +own experience. For a century or more our world, confident in its +strength, its reason, its knowledge, has been undermining <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xix" id="Page_xix">[Pg xix]</a></span>that doctrine +with every possible heresy. In sheer wilfulness it has tried to empty +life of all its values. It has made us ashamed of loving anything; for +all love, it has told us, is illusion produced by the will to live, or +the will to power, or some other figment of its own perverse thought. +And now, as a result of that perversity, the storm breaks upon us when +we seem to have stripped ourselves of all shelter against it. The +doctrine of the struggle for life becomes a fact in this war; but, if it +were true, what creature endowed with reason would find life worth +struggling for? Certainly not the writer of these letters. He fought, +not only for his country, but to maintain a contrary doctrine; and we +see him and a thousand others passing through the fiercest trial of +faith at the moment when the mind of man has been by its own perverse +activity stripped most bare of faith. So he cannot even express the +faith for which he is ready to die; but he is ready to die for it.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_xx" id="Page_xx">[Pg xx]</a></span> A +few years ago he would have been sneered at for the vagueness of his +language, but no one can sneer now. The dead will not spoil the spring, +he says No, indeed: for by their death they have brought a new spring of +faith into the world.</p> + +<div class='sig'>A. CLUTTON-BROCK.</div> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[Pg 1]</a></span></p> + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>LETTERS OF A SOLDIER</h2> + +<h4><span class="smcap">August 1914-April 1915</span></h4> + +<h3>PREFACE BY ANDRÉ CHEVRILLON</h3> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</a></span></p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</a></span></p> +<h2>PREFACE BY ANDRÉ CHEVRILLON</h2> + + +<p>The letters that follow are those of a young painter who was at the +front from September [1914] till the beginning of April [1915]; at the +latter date he was missing in one of the battles of the Argonne. Are we +to speak of him in the present tense or in the past? We know not: since +the day when the last mud-stained paper reached them, announcing the +attack in which he was to vanish, what a close weight of silence for +those who during eight months lived upon these almost daily letters! But +for how many women, how many mothers, is a grief like this to-day a +common lot!</p> + +<p>In the studio and amid the canvases upon which the young man had traced +the forms of his dreams, I have seen, piously placed in order on a +table, all the little papers written by his hand. A silent presence—I +was not then aware what manner of mind had there expressed +itself—revisiting this hearth: a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span>mind surely made to travel far abroad +and cast its lights upon multitudes of men.</p> + +<p>It was the mind of a complete artist, but of a poet as well, that had +lurked under the timid reserves of a youth who at thirteen years of age +had left school for the studio, and who had taught himself, without help +from any other, to translate the thoughts that moved him into such words +as the reader will judge of. Here are tenderness of heart, a fervent +love of Nature, a mystical sense of her changing moods and of her +eternal language: all those things of which the Germans, professing +themselves heirs of Goethe and of Beethoven, imagine they have the +monopoly, but of which we Frenchmen have the true perception, and which +move us in the words written by our young countryman for his most dearly +beloved and for himself.</p> + +<p>It is singularly touching to find in the spiritual, grave, and religious +temper of these letters an affinity to the spirit of many others written +from the front. During those weeks, those endless months of winter in +the mud or the frost of the trenches, in the daily sight of death, in +the thought of that <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span>death coming upon them also, closing upon them to +seal their eyes for ever, these boys seem to have faced the things of +eternity with a deeper insight and a keener feeling, as each one, in the +full strength of life and youth, dwelt upon the thought of beholding the +world for the last time:</p> + + + +<div class='center'> +<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Et la monde"> +<tr><td align='left'>'Et le monde allait donc mourir</td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: .5em;">Avec mes yeux, miroir du monde.'</span></td></tr> +</table></div> + +<p>Solemn thought for the man who has watched through a long night in some +advance-post, and who, beyond the grey and silent plain where lurks the +enemy, sees a red sun rise yet once more upon the world! 'O splendid +sun, I wish I could see you again!' wrote once, on the evening of his +advance upon French ground, a young Silesian soldier who fell upon the +battlefield of the Marne, and whose Journal has been published. Suddenly +breaks in this mysterious cry in the course of methodical German notes +on food and drink, stages of the march, blistered feet, the number of +villages set on fire. And in how many French letters too have we found +it—that abrupt intuition! It is always the same, in many and various +words: in those of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span>the agriculturist of the Seine-et-Marne, whom I +could name, and who for perhaps the first time in his life takes an +interest in the sunset; in those of the young middle-class Parisian who +had seemed incapable of speech save in terms of unbelief and burlesque; +in those of the artist who utters his emotion in poetry and lifts it up +to the heights of stoical philosophy. Through all unlikenesses, in the +hearts of all—peasant, citizen, soldier, German schoolmaster—one +prevailing thought is revealed; the living man, passing away, feels, at +the approach of eternal night, an exaltation of his sense of the +splendour of the world. O miracle of things! O divine peace of this +plain, of these trees, of these hillsides! And how keenly does the ear +listen for this infinite silence! Or we hear of the immensities of night +where nothing remains except light and flame: far off, the smouldering +of fires; far up, the sparkle of stars, the shapes of constellations, +the august order of the universe. Very soon the rattle of machine-guns, +the thunder of explosives, the clamour of attack will begin anew; there +will again be killing and dying. What a contrast of human fury and +eternal serenity!<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span> More or less vaguely, and for a brief moment, there +comes into passing life a glimpse of the profound relation of the simple +things of heaven and earth with the mind of him who contemplates them. +Does man then guess that all these things are indeed himself, that his +little life and the life of the tree yonder, thrilling in the shiver of +dawn, and beckoning to him, are bound together in the flood of universal +life?</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>For the artist of whom we are now reading, such intuitions and such +visions were the delight of long months in the trenches. Under the free +sky, in contact with the earth, in face of the peril and the sight of +death, life seemed to him to take a sudden and strange expansion. 'From +our life in the open air we have gained a freedom of conception, an +amplitude of thought, which will for ever make cities horrible to those +who survive the war.' Death itself had become a more beautiful and a +more simple thing; the death of soldiers on whose dumb shapes he looked +with pious eyes, as Nature took them back into her maternal care and +mingled them with her earth. Day by day <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span>he lived in the thought of +eternity. True, he kept a feeling heart for all the horror, and +compassion for all the pain; as to his duty, the reader will know how he +did that. But, suffering 'all the same,' he took refuge in 'the higher +consolations.' 'We must,' he writes to those who love him and whom he +labours—with what constant solicitude!—to prepare for the worst, 'we +must attain to this—that no catastrophe whatsoever shall have power to +cripple our lives, to interrupt them, to set them out of tune. . . . Be +happy in this great assurance that I give you—that up till now I have +raised my soul to a height where events have had no empire over it.' +These are heights upon which, beyond the differences of their teachings +and their creeds, all great religious intuitions meet together; upon +which illusions are no more, and the soul rejects the pretensions of +self, in order to accept what <i>is</i>. 'Our sufferings come from our small +human patience taking the same direction as our desires, noble though +they may be. . . . Do not dwell upon the personality of those who pass away +and of those who are left; such things are weighed only in the scales of +men.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span> We should gauge in ourselves the enormous value of what is better +and greater than humanity.' In truth, death is impotent because it too +is illusory, and 'nothing is ever lost.' So this young Frenchman, who +has yet never forgone the language of his Christianity, rediscovers amid +the terrors of war the stoicism of Marcus Aurelius—that virtue which is +'neither patience nor too great confidence, but a certain faith in the +order of all things, a certain power of saying of each trial, "It is +well."' And, even beyond stoicism, it is the sublime and antique thought +of India that he makes his own, the thought that denies appearances and +differences, that reveals to man his separate self and the universe, and +teaches him to say of the one, 'I am not <i>this</i>,' and of the other, +'<i>that</i>, I am.' Wonderful encounter of thoughts across the distance of +ages and the distance of races! The meditation of this young French +soldier, in face of the enemy who is to attack on the morrow, resumes +the strange ecstasy in which was rapt the warrior of the <i>Bhagavad Gita</i> +between two armies coming to the grapple. He, too, sees the turbulence +of mankind as a dream that seems to veil the higher <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span>order and the +Divine unity. He, too, puts his faith in that 'which knows neither birth +nor death,' which is 'not born, is indestructible, is not slain when +this body is slain.' This is the perpetual life that moves across all +the shapes it calls up, striving in each one to rise nearer to light, to +knowledge, and to peace. And that aim is a law and a command to every +thinking being that he should give himself wholly for the general and +final good. Thence comes the grave satisfaction of those who devote +themselves, of those who die, in the cause of life, in the thought of a +sacrifice not useless. 'Tell —— that if fate strikes down the best, +there is no injustice; those who survive will be the better men. You do +not know the things that are taught by him who falls. I do know.' And +even more complete is the sacrifice when the relinquishment of life, +when the renunciation of self, means the sacrifice of what was dearer +than self, and would have been a life's joy to serve. There was the +'flag of art, the flag of science,' that the boy loved and had begun to +carry—with what a thrill of pride and faith! Let him learn to fall +without regrets. 'It is enough <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span>for him to know that the flag will yet +be carried.'</p> + +<p>A simple, a common obedience to the duty at hand is the practical +conclusion of that high Indian wisdom when illusions are past. Not to +retreat into the solitude, not to retire into the inaction, that he has +known and prized; to fight at the side of his brothers, in his own rank, +in his own place, with open eyes, without hope of glory or of gain, and +because such is the law: this is the commandment of the god to the +warrior Arjuna, who had doubted whether he were right in turning away +from the Absolute to take part in the evil dream of war. 'The law for +each is that he should fulfil the functions determined by his own state +and being. Let every man accept action, since he shares in that nature +the methods of which make action necessary.' Plainly, it is for Arjuna +to bend his bow among the other Kshettryas. The young Frenchman had not +doubted. But it will be seen by his letters how, in the horror of +carnage, as in the tedious and patient duties of the mine and the +trench, he too had kept his eyes upon eternal things.</p> + +<p>I would not insist unduly upon this union <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span>of thought. He had hardly +gained, through a few extracts from the <i>Ramayana</i>, a glimpse of the +august thought of ancient Asia. Yet, with all the modern shades of +ideas, with all the very French precision of form, the soul that is +revealed in these letters, like that of Amiel, of Michelet, of Tolstoi, +of Shelley, shows certain profound analogies with the tender and +mystical genius of the Indies. Strange is that affinity, bearing witness +as it does not only to his profound need of the Universal and the +Absolute, but to his intuitive sympathy with the whole of life, to his +impulses of love for the general soul of fruitfulness and for all its +single and multitudinous forms. 'Love'—this is one of the words most +often recurring in these letters. Love of the country of battle; love of +the plain over which the mornings and the evenings come and go as the +emotions come and go over a sensitive face; love of the trees with their +almost human gesture—of one tree, steadfast and patient in its wounds, +'like a soldier'; love of the beautiful little living creatures of the +fields which, in the silence of earliest morning, play on the edges of +the trench; love of all things in heaven <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span>and earth—of that tender sky, +of that French soil with its clear and severe outlines; love, above all, +of those whom he sees in sufferings and in death at his side; love of +the good peasants, the mothers who have given their sons, and who hold +their peace, dry their tears, and fulfil the tasks of the vineyard and +the field; love of those comrades whose misery 'never silenced laughter +and song'—'good men who would have found my fine artistic robes a bad +encumbrance in the way of their plain duty'; love of all those simple +ones who make up France, and among whom it is good to lose oneself; love +of all men living, for it is surely not possible to hate the enemy, +human flesh and blood bound to this earth and suffering as we too +suffer; love of the dead upon whom he looks, in the impassive beauty, +silence, and mystery revealed beneath his meditative eyes.</p> + +<p>It is by his close attention to the interior and spiritual significance +of things that this painter is proved to be a poet, a religious poet who +has sight, in this world, of the essence of being, in ineffable +varieties: painter, and poet, and musician also, for in the trenches he +lives with Beethoven, Handel,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span> Schumann, Berlioz, carrying in his mind +their imaginings and their rhythms, and conceiving also within himself +'the loveliest symphonies fully orchestrated.' Secret riches, intimate +powers of consolation and of joy, able, in the gloomiest hours, in the +dark and the mud of long nights on guard, to speak closely to the soul, +or snatch it suddenly and swiftly to distances and heights. Schumann, +Beethoven: between those two immortal spirits that made music for all +human ears, and the harsh pedants, the angry protagonists of Germanism, +who have succeeded in transforming a people into a war-machine, what +likeness is there? Have we not made the genius of those two ours by +understanding them as we understand them, and by so taking them into our +hearts? Are they not friends of ours? Do they not walk with us in those +blessed solitudes wherein our truest self awakens, and where our +thoughts flow free?</p> + +<p>It is the greatest of all whom a certain group of our soldiers invoke in +those days before the expected battle in which some of them are to fall. +They are in the depths of a dug-out. 'There, in complete darkness, +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span>night was awaited for the chance to get out. But once my fellow +non-commissioned officers and I began humming the nine symphonies of +Beethoven. I cannot tell what great thrill woke those notes within us.'</p> + +<p>That almost sacred song, those heroic inspirations at such a moment—how +do they not give the lie to German theories as to the limitations of +French sensibility! And what poet of any other race than ours has ever +looked upon Nature with more intimate eyes, with a heart more deeply +moved, than his whose inner soul is here expressed?</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>These letters, despatched day by day from the trench or the billet, +follow each other progressively as a poem does, or a song. A whole life +unfolds, the life of a soul which we may watch through the monotony of +its experiences, overcoming them all, or, again, rapt at the coming of +supreme trials (as in February and in April) into perfect peace. It is +well that we should trace the spiritual progress of such a dauntless +will. No history of an interior life was ever more touching. That will +is set to endurance, and terrible at times is the effort to endure; we +divine <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span>this beneath the simple everyday words of the narrative. Here is +an artist and a poet; he had chosen his life, he had planned it, by no +means as a life of action. His whole culture, his whole self-discipline, +had been directed to the further refining of a keen natural sensibility. +Necessarily and intentionally he had turned towards solitude and +contemplation. He had known himself to be purely a mirror for the world, +tarnishable under the breath of the crowd. But now it was for him to +lead a life opposed to his former law, contrary to his plan; and this +not of necessity but by a completely voluntary act. That <i>ego</i> he had so +jealously sheltered, in face of the world yet out of the world, he was +now to yield up, to cast without hesitation or regret into the thick of +human wars; he was no longer to spend his days apart from the jostling +and the shouldering and the breath of troops; he was to bear his part in +the mechanism that serves the terrible ends of war. And the close of a +life which he would have pronounced, from his former point of view, to +be slavery—the close might be speedy death. He had to bring himself to +look upon his old life—the life that was lighted <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span>by his visions and +his hopes, the life that fulfilled his sense of universal existence—as +a mere dream, perhaps never to be dreamed again.</p> + +<p>That is what he calls 'adapting himself.' And how the word recurs in his +letters! It is a word that teaches him where duty lies, a duty of which +the difficulty is to be gauged by the difference of the present from the +past, of the bygone hope from the present effort. 'In the fulness of +productiveness,' he confesses, 'at the hour when life is flowering, a +young creature is snatched away, and cast upon a barren soil where all +he has cherished fails him. Well, after the first wrench he finds that +life has not forsaken him, and sets to work upon the new ungrateful +ground. The effort calls for such a concentration of energy as leaves no +time for either hopes or fears. And I manage it, except only in moments +of rebellion (quickly suppressed) of the thoughts and wishes of the +past. But I need my whole strength at times for keeping down the pangs +of memory and accepting what is.'</p> + +<p>Indeed, strength was called for day by day. This 'adaptation' was no +transformation.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span> But by a continuous act of vital energy he assimilated +all that he drew from his surroundings. Thus he fed his heart, and kept +his own ideals. This was a way to renounce all things, and by +renunciation to keep the one thing needful, to remain himself, to live, +and not only to live but to flourish; to have a part in that universal +life which produces flowers in nature, art and poetry in man. To gain so +much, all that was needed was to treasure, unaltered by the terrors of +war, a heart eager for all shapes of beauty. For this most religious +poet, beauty was that divine spirit which shines more or less clearly in +all things, and which raises him who perceives it higher than the +accidents of individual existence. And he receives its full influence, +and is rid of all anxiety, who is able to bid adieu to the present and +the past, to regret nothing, to desire nothing, to receive from the +passing moment that influence in its plenitude. 'I accept all from the +hands of fate, and I have captured every delight that lurks under cover +of every moment.' In this state of simplicity, which is almost a state +of grace, he enters into communion with the living reality of the +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span>world. 'Let us eat and drink to all that is eternal, for to-morrow we +die to all that is of earth.'</p> + +<p>That emancipation of the soul is not achieved in a day. The earlier +letters are beautiful, but what they teach is learnt by nearly all our +soldiers. In these he tells of the spirit of the men, their fire of +enthusiasm, their imperious sense of duty, their resolve to carry 'an +undefiled conscience as far as their feet may lead.' Yet already he is +seeking to maintain control of his own private self amid all the +excitement of numbers. And he succeeds. He guards himself, he separates +himself, 'as much as possible,' in the midst of his comrades, he keeps +his intellectual life intact. Meanwhile he is within barrack walls, or +else he is jotting down his letters at a railway station, or else he is +in the stages of an interminable journey, 'forty men to a truck.' But to +know him completely, wait until you see him within the zone of war, in +billets, in the front line, on guard, when he has returned to contact +with the very earth. As soon as he breathes open air, his instincts are +awake again, the instinct 'to draw all the beauty out,' and—<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span>in the +shadow where the future hides—'to draw out the utmost beauty as quickly +as may be.' 'I picked flowers in the mud; keep them in remembrance of +me,' he will write in a day of foreboding. A most significant trait is +this—in the tedium of trench days, or when imminent peril silences the +idle tongues, he gathers the greatest number of these magical flowers. +In those moments when speech fails, his soul is serene, it has free +play, and we hear its own fine sounds. Hitherto we had heard the +repetition of the word of courage and of brotherhood uttered by all our +gathering armies. But here, in battle, face to face with the eternities, +that spirit of his sounds like the chord of an instrument heard for the +first time in its originality and its infinite sensibility. Nor are +these random notes; they soon make one harmonious sound and acquire a +most touching significance, until by daily practice he learns how to +abstract himself altogether from the most wretched surroundings. A quite +impersonal <i>ego</i> seems then to detach itself from the particular <i>ego</i> +that suffers and is in peril; it looks impartially upon all things, and +sees its other self as a passing <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span>wave in the tide that a mysterious +Intelligence controls. Strange faculty of double existence and of +vision! He possesses it in the midst of the very battle in which his +active valour gained him the congratulations of his commanding officer. +In the furnace in which his flesh may be consumed he looks about him, +and next morning he writes, 'Well, it was interesting.' And he adds, +'what I had kept about me of my own individuality was a certain visual +perceptiveness that caused me to register the setting of things—a +setting that dramatised itself as artistically as in any +stage-management. During all these minutes I never relaxed in my resolve +to see <i>how it was</i>.' He then, too, became aware of the meaning of +violence. His tender and meditative nature had always held it in horror. +And, perhaps for that very reason, he sought its explanation. It is by +violence that an imperfect and provisional state of things is shattered, +and what was lax is put into action again. Life is resumed, and a better +order becomes possible. Here again we find his acceptance, his +submission to the Reason that directs the universe; confidence in what +<i>takes place</i>—that is his conclusion.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span></p> + +<p>Such times for him are times of observation properly so called, of purer +thought in which the impulses of the painter and the poet have no share. +That kind of observation is not infrequent with him, when he is dealing +with the world and with human action. It awakes at a war-spectacle, at a +trait of manners, at the reading of a book, at a recollection of history +or art; it is often to the Bible that he turns, and, amid the worst +clamours, to the beautiful plastic images of Greece. Admirable is such +serene energy of a spirit able to live purely as a spirit. It is +admirable, but it is not unique; great intellectual activity is not +uncommon with the French; others of our soldiers are philosophers among +the shells. What does set these letters in a place apart is something +more profound and more organic than thought, and that is sentiment; +sentiment in its infinite and indefinite degrees, its relation to the +aspects of nature—in a word, that poetic faculty which is akin to the +musical, proceeding as they both do from the primitive ground-work of +our being, and uniting in the inflexions of rhythm and of song. I have +already named Shelley in connexion <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span>with the poet we are considering. +And it is a Shelleyan union with the most intimate, the most +inexpressible things in nature that is revealed in such a note as the +following: 'A nameless day, a day without form, yet a day in which the +Spring most mysteriously begins to stir. Warm air in the lengthening +days; a sudden softening, a weakening of nature.' In describing this +atmosphere, this too sudden softness, he uses a word frequent in the +vocabulary of Shelley—'fainting.' In truth, like the great English +poet, whom he seems not to have known, he seeks from the beauty of +things a faculty of self-forgetfulness in lyrical poetry, an +inexpressible and blissful passing of the poet's being into the thing he +contemplates. What he makes his own in the course of those weeks, what +he remembers afterwards, and what he would recall, never to lose it +again, is the culminating moment in which he has achieved +self-forgetfulness and reached the ineffable. The simplest of natural +objects is able to yield him such a moment; see, for instance, this +abrupt intuition: 'I had lapsed from my former sense of the benediction +of God, when suddenly the beauty—all the beauty—of a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span>certain tree +spoke to my inmost heart; and then I understood that an instant of such +contemplation is the whole of life.' And still more continuous, still +more vibrant, is at times his emotion, as when the bow draws out to the +utmost a long ecstatic tone from a sensitive violin. 'What joy is this +perpetual thrill in the heart of Nature! That same horizon of which I +had watched the awakening, I saw last night bathe itself in rosy light; +and then the full moon went up into a tender sky, fretted by coral and +saffron trees.' It is very nearly ecstasy with him in that astonishing +Christmas night which no one then at the front can ever forget—a solemn +night, a blue night, full of stars and of music, when the order and the +divine unity of the universe stood revealed to the eyes of men who, free +for a moment from the dream of hatred and of blood, raised one chant +along six miles, 'hymns, hymns, from end to end.'</p> + +<p>Of the carnage in February there are a few precise notes, sufficient to +suggest the increasing horror. The narrative grows quicker; the reader +is aware of the pulse and the impetus of action, the imperious <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span>summons +of duty; the young sergeant is in charge of men, and has to execute +terrible tasks. But ever across the tumult and the slaughter, there are +moments of recollection and of compassion; and, in the evening of a day +of battle, what infinite tranquillity among the dead! At this period +there are no more notes of landscape effects; the description is of the +war, technical; otherwise the writer's thought is not of earth at all. +Once only, towards the end, we find a sorrowful recollection of himself, +a profound lamentation at the remembrance of bygone hopes, of bygone +work, of the immensity of the sacrifice. 'This war is long, too long for +those who had something else to do in the world! Why am I so sacrificed, +when so many others, not my equals, are spared? Yet I had something +worth doing to do in the world!' Most touching is that sigh, even more +touching than the signs of greatness in his soul, for it suddenly +breathes an anguish long controlled. It is a human weakness—our own +weakness—that is at last confessed, on the eve of a Passion, as in the +Divine example. At rare times such a question, in the constant sight of +death, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span>in fatigue and weariness, in the long distress of rain and mud, +checks in him the impulse of life and of spiritual desire. He was +himself the young plant of which he writes, growing, creating fragrance +and breaking into flower, sure of God, feeling Him alive within itself. +But all at once it knows frost is coming and the threat of unpitying +things. What if the universe were void, what if in the infinity of the +exterior world there were nothing, across the splendid vision, but an +insensate fatality? What if sacrifice itself were also a delusion? 'Dark +days have come upon me, and nothingness seems the end of all, whereas +all that is in my being had assured me of the plenitude of the +universe.' And he asks himself the anxious question, 'Is it even sure +that moral effort bears any fruit?' It is something like abandonment by +God. But that darkening of his lights passes quickly away. He comes +again to the regions of tranquil thought, and leaves them thenceforward +only for the work in hand. 'I hope,' he writes, 'that when you think of +me you will have in mind all those who have left everything behind, and +how their nearest and dearest think of them <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span>only in the past, and say +of them, "We had once a brother, who, many years ago, withdrew from this +world."' How strange is the serenity of these lofty thoughts, how +entirely detached from self and from all human things is this spirit of +contemplation. Two slight traits give us signs: One night, on a +battlefield 'scattered with fragments of men' and with burning +dwellings, under a starry sky, he makes his bed in an excavation, and +lies there watching the crescent moon, and waits for dawn; now and again +a shell bursts, earth falls about him, and then silence returns to the +frozen soil: 'I have paid the price, but I have had moments of solitude +full of God.' Again, one evening, after five days of horror ('we have no +officers left—they all died as brave men'), he suddenly comes upon the +body of a friend; 'a white body, splendid under the moon. I lay down +near him.' In the quietness, by the side of the dead man, nothing +remains but beauty and peace.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>These letters are to be anonymous, at least so long as any hope remains +that he who was lost may return. It is enough to know that they were +written by a Frenchman who, in <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span>love and faith, bore his part in the +general effort, the common peril, glad to renounce himself in the pain +and the devotion of his countrymen. By a happy fortune that he did not +foresee when he left his clean solitude for the sweat, the servitude, +and the throng, he no doubt produced the best of himself in these +letters; and it may be doubted whether, in the course of a successful +artist's life, it would have been given to him to express himself with +so much completeness. This is a thought that may strengthen those who +love him to accept whatever has come to pass. His soul is here, a more +essential soul perhaps, and a more beautiful, than they had known. It +was in war that Marcus Aurelius also wrote his thoughts. Possibly the +worst is needful for the manifestation of the whole of human greatness. +We marvel how the soul can so discover in itself the means to oppose +suffering and death. Thus have many of our sons revealed themselves in +the day of trial, to the wonder of France, until then unaware of all +that she really was. That is how these pages touch us so closely. He who +wrote them had attuned himself with his countrymen. Through the more +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span>mystical acts of his mind we perceive the sublime message sent to us +from the front, more or less explicitly, by others of our brothers and +our sons—the high music that goes up still from the whole of France at +war. In all his comrades assembled for the great task, he too had +recognised the best and the deepest things that his own heart held, and +so he speaks of them constantly—especially of the simplest of the +men—with so great respect and love. Far from ordinary ambitions and +cares, the things that this rough life among the eternities brings into +all hearts with a heretofore unknown amplitude are serenity of +conscience and a freshness of feeling in perpetual touch with the +harmonies of nature. These men do but reflect nature. Since they have +renounced themselves and given themselves, all things have become simple +for them. They have the transparence of soul and the lights of +childhood. 'We spend childish days. We are children.' . . . </p> + +<p>This new youthfulness of heart under the contemned menace of death, this +innocence in the daily fulfilment of heroic duty, is assured by a +spiritual state akin to sanctity.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>LETTERS</h2> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span></p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span></p> +<h2>LETTERS OF A SOLDIER</h2> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>August 6, 1914.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">My very dear Mother</span>,—These are my first days of life at war, +full of change, but the fatigue I actually feel is very different from +what I foresaw.</p> + +<p>I am in a state of great nervous tension because of the want of sleep +and exercise. I lead the life of a government clerk. I belong to what is +called the dépôt, I am one of those doing sedentary work, and destined +eventually to fill up the gaps in the fighting line.</p> + +<p>What we miss is news; there are no longer any papers to be had in this +town.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>August 13.</i></div> + +<p>We are without news, and so it will be for several days, the censorship +being of the most rigorous kind.</p> + +<p>Here life is calm. The weather is magnificent, and all breathes quiet +and confidence. We think of those who are fighting in the heat, and this +thought makes our own situation <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span>seem even too good. The spirit among +the reservists is excellent.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>Sunday, August 16.</i></div> + +<p>To-day a walk along the Marne. Charming weather after a little rain.</p> + +<p>A welcome interlude in these troubled times. We are still without news, +like you, but we have happily a large stock of patience. I have had some +pleasure in the landscape, notwithstanding the invasion of red and blue. +These fine men in red and blue have given the best impression of their +<i>moral</i>. Great levies will be made upon our dépôts, to be endured with +fortitude.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>August 16</i> (from a note-book).</div> + +<p>The monotony of military life benumbs me, but I don't complain. After +nine years these types are to be rediscovered, a little less marked, +improved, levelled down. Just now every one is full of grave thoughts +because of the news from the East.</p> + +<p>The ordinary good-fellowship of the mess has been replaced by a finer +solidarity and a praiseworthy attempt at adaptation. One of the +advantages of our situation is that we can, as it were, play at being +soldiers with the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span>certainty of not wasting our time. All these childish +and easy occupations, which are of immediate result and usefulness, +bring back calm to the mind and soothe the nerves. Then the great stay +which supports the men is a profound, vague feeling of brotherhood which +turns all hearts towards those who are fighting. Each one feels that the +slight discomfort which he endures is only a feeble tribute to the +frightful expense of all energy and all devotedness at the front.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>August 25.</i></div> + +<p>This letter will barely precede our own departure. The terrible conflict +calls for our presence close to those who are already in the midst of +the struggle. I leave you, grandmother and you, with the hope of seeing +you again, and the certainty that you will approve of my doing all that +seems to me my duty.</p> + +<p>Nothing is hopeless, and, above all, nothing has changed our idea of the +part we have to play.</p> + +<p>Tell all those who love me a little that I think of them. I have no time +to write to any one. My health is of the best.</p> + +<p>. . . After such an upheaval we may say <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span>that our former life is dead. +Dear mother, let us, you and I, with all our courage adapt ourselves to +an existence entirely different, however long it may last.</p> + +<p>Be very sure that I won't go out of my way to do anything that endangers +our happiness, but that I'll try to satisfy my conscience, and yours. Up +till now I am without cause for self-reproach, and so I hope to remain.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>August 25</i> (2nd letter).</div> + +<p>A second letter to tell you that, instead of our regiment, it was +Pierre's that went. I had the joy of seeing him pass in front of me when +I was on guard in the town. I accompanied him for a hundred yards, then +we said good-bye. I had a feeling that we should meet again.</p> + +<p>It is the gravest of hours; the country will not die, but her +deliverance will be snatched only at the price of frightful efforts.</p> + +<p>Pierre's regiment went covered with flowers, and singing. It was a deep +consolation to be together till the end.</p> + +<p>It is fine of André<a name="FNanchor_1_1" id="FNanchor_1_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_1_1" class="fnanchor">[1]</a> to have saved his drowning comrade. We don't +realise the reserve of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span>heroism there is in France, and among the young +intellectual Parisians.</p> + +<p>In regard to our losses, I may tell you that whole divisions have been +wiped out. Certain regiments have not an officer left.</p> + +<p>As for my state of mind, my first letter will perhaps tell you better +what I believe to be my duty. Know that it would be shameful to think +for one instant of holding back when the race demands the sacrifice. My +only part is to carry an undefiled conscience as far as my feet may +lead.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>August 26.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">My very dear Mother</span>,—I was made happy by Maurice Barrés's fine +article, 'l'Aigle et le Rossignol,' which corresponds in every detail +with what I feel.</p> + +<p>The dépôts contain some failures, but also men of fine energy, among +whom I dare not yet count myself, but with whom I hope to set out. The +major had dispensed me from carrying a knapsack, but I carry it for +practice and manage quite well.</p> + +<p>The only assurance which I can give you concerns my own moral and +physical state, which is excellent. The true death would be to live in a +conquered country, above all for me, whose art would perish.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span></p> + +<p>I isolate myself as much as I can, and I am really unaffected, from the +intellectual point of view. Besides, the atmosphere of the mess is well +above that of normal times: the trouble is that the constant moving and +changing drags us about from place to place, and growing confidence +falters before the perpetually recurring unknown.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>August 30.</i></div> + +<p>. . . My little mother, it is certain that though we did not leave +yesterday, it is yet only a question of hours. I won't say to you +anything that I have already said, content only that I have from you the +approval of which I was certain.</p> + +<p>. . . In the very hard march yesterday only one man fell out, really ill. +France will come out of this bad pass.</p> + +<p>I can only repeat to you how well I am prepared for all eventualities, +and that nothing can undo our twenty-seven years of happiness. I am +resolved not to consider myself foredoomed, and I fancy the joy of +returning, but I am ready to go to the end of my strength. If you knew +the shame I should endure to think that I might have done something +more!<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span></p> + +<p>In the midst of all this sadness we live through magnificent hours, when +the things that used to be most strange take on an august significance.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br /><i>September 4, 6 o'clock</i> (<i>on the way, in the train</i>).</div> + +<p>We have had forty hours of a journey in which the picturesque outdoes +even the extreme discomfort. The great problem is sleep, and the +solution is not easy when there are forty in a cattle-truck.</p> + +<p>The train stops every instant, and we encounter the unhappy refugees. +Then the wounded: fine spectacle of patriotism. The English army. The +artillery.</p> + +<p>We no longer know anything, having no more papers, and we can't trust +the rumours which fly among the distraught population.</p> + +<p>Splendid weather.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>Saturday, September 5</i> (<i>at the end of 60 hours in a +cattle-truck: 40 men to a truck</i>).</div> + +<p>On the same day we skirted the Seine opposite the forest of +Fontainebleau and the banks of the Loire. Saw the château de Blois and +the château d'Amboise. Unhappily the darkness prevented us from seeing +more.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span> How can I tell you what tender emotions I felt by these +magnificent banks of the Loire!</p> + +<p>Are you bombarded by the frightful aeroplanes? I think of you in such +conditions and above all of poor Grandmother, who indeed had little need +to see all this! However, we must hope.</p> + +<p>We learn from wounded refugees that in the first days of August mistakes +were made in the high command which had terrible consequences. It falls +to us now to repair those mistakes.</p> + +<p>Masses of English troops arrive. We have crossed numbers of crowded +trains.</p> + +<p>Well, this war will not have been the mere march-past which many +thought, but which I never thought, it would be; but it will have +stirred the good in all humanity. I do not speak of the magnificent +things which have no immediate connection with the war,—but nothing +will be lost.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>September 5, 1914</i> (<i>1st halting-place, 66 hours in the cage +without being able to stretch</i>).</div> + +<p>Still the same jolting and vibration, but three times after the horrible +night there has <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span>come the glory of the morning, and all fatigue has +disappeared.</p> + +<p>We have crossed the French country in several directions, from the +rather harsh serenity, full of suggestiveness, of Champagne, to the rich +robust placidity of Brittany. On the way we followed the full and noble +banks of the Loire, and now . . . </p> + +<p>O my beautiful country, the heart of the world, where lies all that is +divine upon earth, what monster sets upon you—a country whose offence +is her beauty!</p> + +<p>I used to love France with sincere love, which was more than a little +<i>dilettante</i>; I loved her as an artist, proud to live in the most +beautiful of lands; in fact, I loved her rather as a picture might love +its frame. It needed this horror to make me know how filial and profound +are the ties which bind me to my country. . . .</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>September 7</i> (from a note-book).</div> + +<p>. . . We are embarked on the adventure, without any dominant feeling +except perhaps a sufficiently calm acceptance of this fatality. But +sensibility is kept awake by the sight of the victims, particularly the +refugees. Poor <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span>people, truly uprooted, or rather, dead leaves in the +storm, little souls in great circumstances.</p> + +<p>Whole trains of cattle-trucks, which can hardly be said to have changed +their use! Trains in which is heaped up the desolation of these people +torn from their homes, and how quickly become as beasts! Misery has +stripped them of all their human attributes. We take them food and +drink, and that is how they become exposed: the man drinks without +remembering his wife and children. The woman thinks of her child. But +other women take their time, unable to share in the general haste. Among +these waifs there is one who assails my heart,—a grandmother of +eighty-seven, shaken, tossed about by all these blows, being by turns +hoisted into and let down from the rolling cages. So trembling and +disabled, so lost . . . </p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>September 10</i> (from a note-book).</div> + +<p>We arrive in a new part of the country on the track of good news: the +strong impression is that France's future is henceforth assured. +Everything corroborates this feeling, from the official report which +formally announces a <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span>complete success down to the most fantastic +rumours.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>September 13</i> (from a note-book).</div> + +<p>This is war; here are we approaching the place of horror. We have left +behind the French villages where peace was still sleeping. Now there is +nothing but tumult. And here are direct victims of the war.</p> + +<p>The soldiers: blood, mud and dirt. The wounded. Those whom we pass at +first are the least suffering—wounds in arms, in hands. In most of them +can clearly be seen, in the midst of their fatigue and distress, great +relief at having been let off comparatively easily.</p> + +<p>Farther on, towards the ambulances, the burying of the dead: there are +six, stretched on two waggons. Smoothed out, and covered with rags, they +are taken to an open pit at the foot of a Calvary. Some priests conduct, +rather than celebrate, the service, military as they have become. A +little straw and some holy water over all, and so we pass on. After all, +these dead are happy: they are cared-for dead. What can be said of those +who lie farther on and who have passed away after nights of the throes +of death and abandonment.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span></p> + +<p>. . . From this agony there will remain to us an immense yearning for pity +and brotherhood and goodness.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br /><i>Wednesday, September 16, 1914.</i></div> + +<p>In the horror-zone.</p> + +<p>The rainy twilight shadows the road, and suddenly, in a ditch—the dead! +They have dragged themselves here from the battlefield—they are all +corrupt now. The coming of darkness makes it difficult to distinguish +their nationality, but the same great pity envelops them all. Only one +word for them: poor boy! The night for these ignominies—and then again +the morning. The day rises upon the swollen bodies of dead horses. In +the corner of a wood, carnage, long cold.</p> + +<p>One sees only open sacks, ripped nose-bags. Nothing that looks like life +remains.</p> + +<p>Among them some civilians, whose presence is due to the German +proceeding of making French hostages march under our fire.</p> + +<p>If these notes should reach any one, may they give rise in an honest +heart to horror of the foul crime of those responsible for this war. +There will never be enough glory to cover all the blood and all the +mud.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span></p> + + +<div class='date'><br /><i>September 21, 1914.</i></div> + +<p>War in rain.</p> + +<p>It is suffering beyond what can be imagined. Three days and three nights +without being able to do anything but tremble and moan, and yet, in +spite of all, perfect service must be rendered.</p> + +<p>To sleep in a ditch full of water has no equivalent in Dante, but what +can be said of the awakening, when one must watch for the moment to kill +or to be killed!</p> + +<p>Above, the roar of the shells drowns the whistling of the wind. Every +instant, firing. Then one crouches in the mud, and despair takes +possession of one's soul.</p> + +<p>When this torment came to an end I had such a nervous collapse that I +wept without knowing why—late, useless tears.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br /><i>September 25.</i></div> + + +<p>Hell in so calm and pastoral a place. The autumnal country pitted and +torn by cannon!</p> + + +<div class='date'><br /><i>September 27.</i></div> + + +<p>If, apart from the greater lessons of the war, there are small immediate +benefits to be had, the one that means most to me is the con<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span>templation +of the night sky. Never has the majesty of the night brought me so much +consolation as during this accumulation of trials. Venus, sparkling, is +a friend to me. . . .</p> + +<p>I am now familiar with the constellations. Some of them make great +curves in the sky as if to encircle the throne of God. What glory! And +how one evokes the Chaldean shepherds!</p> + +<p>O constellations! first alphabet!. . . </p> + + +<div class='date'><br /><i>October 1.</i></div> + +<p>I can say that, as far as the mind goes, I have lived through great days +when all vain preoccupations were swept away by a new spirit.</p> + +<p>If there should ever be any lapse so that only one of my letters reaches +you, may it be one that says how beneficial, how precious have these +torments been!</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>October 1</i> (from a note-book).</div> + +<p>It follows from this that our suffering, every moment of it, should be +considered as the most marvellous source of feeling and of progress for +the conscience.</p> + +<p>I now know into what domain my destiny <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span>leads me. No longer towards the +proud and illusory region of pure speculation, but in the way of all +little daily things—it is there that I must carry the service of an +ever-vigilant sensibility.</p> + +<p>I see how easily an upright nature may dispense with the arts of +expression in order to be helpful in act and in influence. Precious +lesson, which will enable me, should I return, to suffer less if fate no +longer allows me to paint.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>October 9.</i></div> + +<p>It seems that we have the order to attack. I do not want to risk this +great event without directing my thoughts to you in the few moments of +quiet that are left. . . . Everything here combines to maintain peace in +the heart: the beauty of the woods in which we live, the absence of +intellectual complications. . . . It is paradoxical, as you say, but the +finest moments of my moral life are those that have just gone by. . . .</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Know that there will always be beauty on earth, and that man will never +have enough wickedness to suppress it. I have gathered <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span>enough of it to +store my life. May our destiny allow me time later to bring to fruit all +that I have gathered now. It is something that no one can snatch from +us, it is treasure of the soul which we have amassed.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>October 12.</i></div> + +<p>Up till now your love and Providence do not forsake me. . . . We are still +in the magnificent devastated woods, in the midst of the finest autumn. +Nature brings many joys which dominate these horrors. Profound and +powerful hope, whatever suffering still awaits us.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>October 14.</i></div> + +<p>It is true, dear mother, that some renunciation costs a great deal of +effort, but be sure that we both possess the necessary strength of soul +to live through these difficult hours without catching our breath in +painful longing at the idea of the return we both crave for.</p> + +<p>The great thing is to know the value of the present moment and to make +it yield all that it has of good and beauty and edification. For the +rest, no one can guarantee the future, and it would be vain and futile +torment to live wondering what might happen to us. Don't <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span>you think that +life has dispensed us many blessings, and that one of the last, and the +greatest, is that we have been able to communicate with each other and +to feel our union? There are many unfortunate people here who do not +know where their wives and children are, who have been for three months +isolated from all. You see that we are still among the lucky ones.</p> + +<p>Dear mother, less than ever ought we to despair, for never shall we be +more truly convinced that all this agitation and delirium of mankind's +are nothing in view of the share of eternity which each one carries +within himself, and that all these monstrosities will end in a better +future. This war is a kind of cataclysm which succeeds to the old +physical upheavals of our globe; but have you not noticed that, in the +midst of all this, a little of our soul is gone from us, and that we +have lost something of our conviction of a Higher Order? Our sufferings +come from our small human patience taking the same direction as our +desires, noble though they may be. But as soon as we set ourselves to +question things in order to discover their true harmony, we find rest +unto our souls. How do we know <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span>that this violence and disorder are not +leading the universal destinies towards a final good?</p> + +<p>Dear mother, still cherishing the firmest and most human hope, I send my +deepest love to you and to my beloved grandmother.</p> + +<p>Send also all my love to our friends who are in trouble. Help them to +bear everything: two crosses are less heavy to carry than one. And +confidence in our eternal joy.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>October 15, 7 o'clock.</i></div> + +<p>I have received your card of the 1st. What joy it gives me that we +should be at last in touch with each other. Certainly, our thoughts have +never been apart. You tell me of Marthe's misfortune, and I am happy +that you can be useful to her. Dear mother, that is the task that +belongs to us both: to be useful at the present moment without reference +to the moment that is to follow.</p> + +<p>Yes, indeed, I feel deeply with you that I have a mission in life. But +one must act in each instant as though that mission was having immediate +fulfilment. Do not let us keep back one single small corner of our +hearts for our small hopes. We must attain <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span>to this—that no catastrophe +whatsoever shall have power to cripple our lives, to interrupt them, to +set them out of tune. That is the finest work, and it is the work of +this moment. The rest, that future which we must not question—you will +see, mother dear, what it holds of beauty and goodness and truth. Not +one of our faculties must be used in vain, and all useless anxiety is a +harmful expense.</p> + +<p>Be happy in this great assurance that I give you—that up till now I +have raised my soul to a height where events have had no empire over it, +and I promise you that my effort will be still to make ready my soul as +much as I can.</p> + +<p>Tell M—— that if fate strikes down the best, there is no injustice: +those who survive will be the better men. Let her accept the sacrifice, +knowing that it is not in vain. You do not know the things that are +taught by him who falls. I do know.</p> + +<p>To him who can read life, present events have broken all habit of +thought, but they allow him more glimpses than ever before of eternal +beauty and order.</p> + +<p>Let us recover from the surprise of this laceration, and adapt ourselves +without loss <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span>of time to the new state of things which turns us into +people as privileged as Socrates and the Christian martyrs and the men +of the Revolution. We are learning to despise all in life that is merely +temporary, and to delight in that which life so seldom yields: the love +of those things that are eternal.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>October 16.</i></div> + +<p>We are living for some days in comparative calm; between two storms my +company is deserving of special rest. Also I am thoroughly enjoying this +month of October. Your fine letter of October 2 reaches me, and I am now +full of happiness, and there is profound peace.</p> + +<p>Let us continue to arm ourselves with courage, do not let us even speak +of patience. Nothing but to accept the present moment with all the +treasures which it brings us. That is all there is to do, and it is +precisely in this that all the beauty of the world is concentrated. +There is something, dear mother, something outside all that we have +habitually felt. Apply your courage and your love of me to uncovering +this, and laying it bare for others.</p> + +<p>This new beauty has no reference to the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span>ideas expressed in the words +health, family, country. One perceives it when one distinguishes the +share of the eternal which is in everything. But let us cherish this +splendid presentiment of ours—that we shall meet again: it will not in +any way impede our task. Tell M—— how much I think of her. Alas! her +case is not unique. This war has broken many a hope; so, dear mother, +let us put our hope there where the war cannot attain to it, in the deep +places of our heart, and in the high places of our soul.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>October 17, 3 o'clock.</i></div> + +<p>To write to you and to know that my letters reach you is a daily +paradise to me. I watch for the hour when it is possible to write.</p> + +<p>Yes, beloved mother, you must feel a revival of courage and desire to +live; never must a single affection, however good, be counted as a +pretext for life. No accident should make us forget the reason we are +alive. Of course, we can prefer this or that mission in life, but let us +accept the one which presents itself, however surprising or passing it +may be. You feel as I do, that happiness is in store for us, but let us +not think of it.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span> Let us think of the actions of to-day, of all the +sacrifices they imply.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>October 22.</i></div> + +<p>I accept all from the hands of fate, and I have captured every delight +that lurks under cover of every moment.</p> + +<p>Ah! if men only knew how much peace they squander, and how much may be +contained in one minute, how far less would they suffer from this +seeming violence. No doubt there are extreme torments that I do not yet +know, and which perhaps test the soul in a way I do not suspect, but I +exert all the strength of my soul to accept each moment and each test. +What is necessary is to recognise love and beauty triumphant over +violence. No few seasons of hate and grief will have the power to +overthrow eternal beauty, and of this beauty we all have an imperishable +store.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>October 23.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">My very dear Mother</span>,—I have re-read Barrés's article, 'l'Aigle +et le Rossignol.' It is still as beautiful, but it no longer seems in +complete harmony. Now nothing exists outside the absolute present; +everything else is <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span>like ornaments put to one side until the holiday, +the far-off, uncertain holiday. But what does it matter!—the ornaments +are treasured up in safety. Thus do I cherish the treasures of +affection, of legitimate ambition, of praiseworthy aspiration. All of +these I have covered over, and I live but in the present moment.</p> + +<p>This morning, under the fine sky, I remembered the music of yesterday: I +was full of happiness. Forgive me for not living in an anguish of +longing to return. I believe that you approve of my giving back our +dearest hopes into other hands than ours.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>October 27.</i></div> + +<p>If, as I hope intensely, I have the joy of seeing you again, you will +know the miraculous way in which I have been led by Providence. I have +only had to bow before a power and a beneficence which surpassed all my +proud conceptions.</p> + +<p>I can say that God has been within me as I am within God, and I make +firm resolves always to feel such a communion.</p> + +<p>You see, the thing is to put life to good account, not as we understand +it, even in our <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span>noblest affections, but in saying to ourselves: Let us +eat and drink to all that is eternal, for to-morrow we die to all that +is of earth. We acquire an increase of love in that moment when we +renounce our mean and anxious hopes.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>October 28.</i></div> + +<p>This is nearly the end of the third month of a terrible trial, from +which the lessons will be wide and salutary not only to him who will +know how to listen, but to all the world, and therein lies the great +consolation for those who are involved in this torment. Let it also be +the consolation of those whose hopes are with the combatants.</p> + +<p>This consolation consists especially in the supernaturally certain +conviction that all divine and immortal energy, working through mankind, +far from being enfeebled, will, on the contrary, be exalted and more +intensely effectual at the end of these storms.</p> + +<p>Happy the man who will hear the song of peace as in the 'Pastoral +Symphony,' but happy already he who has foreknowledge of it amid the +tumult! And what does it matter in the end that this magnificent +prophecy is <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span>fulfilled in the absence of the prophet! He who has guessed +this has gleaned great joy upon earth. We can leave it to a higher being +to pronounce if the mission is accomplished.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>October 28</i> (2nd letter, almost at the same hour).</div> + +<p><span class="smcap">My dear, dear Mother</span>,—Another welcome moment to spend with +you. We can never say any but the same thing, but it is so fine a thing +that it can always be said in new ways.</p> + +<p>To-day we are living under a sky of great clouds as swift and cold as +those of the Dutch landscape painters.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Dear, I dare not wish for anything—it must not be. I must not even +consider a partial relaxation. I assure you that the effort for +endurance is less painful than certain times of intensive preparation +that we have passed through. Only we can each moment brace ourselves in +a kind of resistance against what is evil in us, and leave every door +open to the good which comes from without.</p> + +<p>. . . I am glad that you have read Tolstoi: he also took part in war. He +judged it; he <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span>accepted its teaching. If you can glance at the admirable +<i>War and Peace</i>, you will find pictures that our situation recalls. It +will make you understand the liberty for meditation that is possible to +a soldier who desires it.</p> + +<p>As to the disability which the soul might be supposed to suffer through +the lack of all material well-being, do not believe in it. We lead the +life of rabbits on the first day of the season's shooting, and, +notwithstanding that, we can enrich our souls in a magnificent way.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>October 30.</i></div> + +<p>I write to you in a marvellous landscape of grey autumn lashed by the +wind. But for me the wind has always been without sadness, because it +brings to me the spirit of the country beyond the hill. . . .</p> + +<p>The horrible war does not succeed in tearing us from our intellectual +habitation. In spite of moments of overwhelming noise, one more or less +recovers oneself. The ordinary course of our present existence gives us +a sensibility like that of a raw wound, aware of the least breath. +Perhaps after this spoliation of our moral skin a new surface will be +formed, and those who return will be for the time brutally <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span>insensitive. +Never mind: this condition of crisis for the soul cannot remain without +profit.</p> + +<p>Yesterday we were in a pretty Meuse village, all the more charming in +contrast with the surrounding ruins.</p> + +<p>I was able to have a shirt washed, and while it dried I talked to the +excellent woman who braves death every day to maintain her hearth. She +has three sons, all three soldiers, and the news she has of them is +already old. One of them passed within a few kilometres of her: his +mother knew it and was not able to see him. Another of these Frenchwomen +keeps the house of her son-in-law who has six children. . . .</p> + +<p>For you, duty lies in acceptance of all and, at the same time, in the +most perfect confidence in eternal justice.</p> + +<p>Do not dwell upon the personality of those who pass away and of those +who are left; such things are weighed only with the scales of men. We +must gauge in ourselves the enormous value of what is better and greater +than humanity.</p> + +<p>Dear mother, absolute confidence. In what? We both already know.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span></p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>October 30, 10 o'clock.</i></div> + +<p>Up till now I have possessed the wisdom that renounces all, but now I +hope for a wisdom that accepts all, turning towards what may be to come. +What matter if the trap opens beneath the steps of the runner. True, he +does not attain his end, but is he wiser who remains motionless under +the pretext that he might fall?</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>November 1, All Saints', 8 o'clock.</i></div> + +<p>Last night I received your card of 24-25th. While you were looking at +that moon, clouded from us, you were very wrong to feel yourself so +helpless; how much reason had you to hope! At that very moment I was +being protected by Providence in a way that rebukes all pride.</p> + +<p>The next day we had the most lovely dawn over the deeply coloured autumn +woods in this country where I made my sketches of three years ago; but +just here the landscape becomes accentuated and enlarged and acquires a +pathetic majesty. How can I tell you the grandeur of the horizon! We are +remaining in this magnificent place, and this is All Saints' Day!<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span></p> + +<p>At the moment, I write to you in the silvery light of a sun rising over +the valley mists; we are conscious of the sleeping country for forty +kilometres around, and battle hardly disturbs the religious gravity of +the scene.</p> + +<p>Do love my proposed picture! It makes a bond with my true career. If it +is vouchsafed to me to return, the form of the picture may change, but +its essence is contained in the sketch.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>Mid-day.</i>—Splendid All Saints' Day profaned by violence.</div> + +<p>Glory of the day. . . .</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>November 2, All Souls'.</i></div> + +<p>Splendid feast of sun and of joy in the glorious beauty of a Meusian +landscape. Hope confines itself in the heart, not daring to insult the +grief of those for whom this day is perhaps the first day of +bereavement.</p> + +<p>Dear beloved mother, twenty-eight years ago you were in a state of +mourning and hope to-day, the agony is as full of hope as then. It is at +a different age that these new trials occur, but a whole life of +submission prepares the way to supreme wisdom.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span></p> + +<p>What joy is this perpetual thrill in the heart of Nature! That same +horizon of which I had watched the awakening, I saw last night bathe +itself in rosy light; then the full moon went up into a tender sky, +fretted by coral and saffron trees.</p> + +<p>Dear, the frightful record of martyrdom of the best French youth cannot +go on indefinitely. It is impossible that the flower of a whole race can +disappear.</p> + +<p>There must be some nobler task than war for the nation's genius! I have +a secret conviction of a better near future. May our courage and our +union lead us to this better thing. Hope, hope always! I received +grandmother's dear letter and M.R.'s kind and affectionate card.</p> + +<p>Dear, have you this beautiful sun to-day? How noble is the country and +how good is Nature! To him who listens she says that nothing will ever +be lost.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>November 4, 10 o'clock.</i></div> + +<p>I live only through your thoughts and in the blessings of Nature. This +morning our chiefs menaced us with a march of twenty kilometres, and +this threat fulfilled itself in <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span>the form of a charming walk in the +landscape that I love so much.</p> + +<p>Exquisite vapours, which we see lifting hour by hour at the call of a +temperate sun; and, yonder, those high plateaux which command a vast +panorama, where everything is finely drawn, or rather is just felt in +the mist. . . .</p> + +<p>There are hills furnished with bare trees holding up their charming +profiles. I think of the primitives, of their sensitive and +conscientious landscapes. What scrupulous majesty, of which the first +sight awes with its grandeur, and the detail is profoundly moving!</p> + +<p>You see, dear mother, how God dispenses blessings that are far greater +than griefs. It is not even a question of patience, since time has no +longer any meaning for us, for it is not a matter of any calculable +duration. But then, what richness of emotion in each present minute!</p> + +<p>This then is our life, of which I wrote to you that not one event must +make of it something unachieved, interrupted; and I hope to preserve +this wisdom. But at the same time I want to ally it with another wisdom +which <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span>looks to the future, even if the future is forbidden to us. Yes, +let us take all from the hands of the present (and the present brings us +so many treasures!), but let us also prepare for the future.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>November 5, 8 o'clock.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dear Mother</span>,—Do not hide from me anything of what happens in +Paris, of your cares, or your occupations. All that you will decide is +for the best. My own happiness, in the midst of all this, lies just in +that security I have in thinking of your spirit.</p> + +<p>The weather is still exquisite and very soft. To-day, without leaving +the beautiful region to which we came on September 20th, we have +returned to the woods. I like that less than the wide open view, but +there is prettiness here too. And then the sky, now that the leaves have +fallen, is so beautiful and so tender.</p> + +<p>I have written to C——. I will write to Mme. C——. I hope for a letter +from you. If you knew how much the longer is a day without news! It is +true I have your old letters, but the new letter has a fragrance which I +now can't do without.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span></p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>November 6.</i></div> + +<p>Yesterday, without knowing why, I was a little sad: what soldiers call +<i>avoir le cafard</i>. My sadness arose from my having parted the day before +with a book of notes which I had decided to send to you in a package. +The events of the day before yesterday, albeit pacific, had so hustled +me that I was not able to attend to this unfortunate parcel as I should +have liked. Also, I was divided between two anxieties: the first, lest +the package should not reach you, and lest these notes, which have been +my life from the 1st to the 20th of October, should be lost. The second, +on the contrary, was lest it should reach you before the arrival of +explaining letters, which might seem strange to you, the sending-off +having probably been done in another name, and the cover of my copybook +bearing my directions that the notes should be forwarded to you if +necessary.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>. . . To-day we are living in the most intimate and delicate Corot +landscape.</p> + +<p>From the barn where we have established our outpost, I see, first, the +road with puddles <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span>left by the rain; then some tree-stumps; then, beyond +a meadow, a line of willows beside a charming running stream. In the +background, a few houses are veiled in a light mist, keeping the +delicate darks which our dear landscape-painter felt so nobly.</p> + +<p>Such is the peace of this morning. Who would believe that one has but to +turn one's head, and there is nothing but conflagration and ruin!. . . </p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>November 7, 8 <span class="smcap">a.m.</span></i></div> + +<p>I have just had your card of the 30th announcing the sending-off of a +packet. How kind this is! how much thought is given to us! All this +sweetness is appreciated to the full.</p> + +<p>Yesterday, a delicious November day. This morning, too much fog for the +enjoyment of nature. But yesterday afternoon!</p> + +<p>Delicate, refined weather, in which everything is etched as it were on a +misty mirror. The bare shrubs, near our post, have been visited by a +flock of green birds, with white-bordered wings; the cocks have black +heads with a white spot. How can I tell you what it was to hear the +solitary sound of their <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span>flight in this stillness!—That is one good +thing about war: there can be only a certain amount of evil in the +world; now, all of this being used by man against man, beasts at any +rate are so much the better off—at least the beasts of the wood, our +customary victims.</p> + +<p>If you could only see the confidence of the little forest animals, such +as the field-mice! The other day, from our leafy shelter I watched the +movements of these little beasts. They were as pretty as a Japanese +print, with the inside of their ears rosy like a shell. And then another +time we watched the migration of the cranes: it is a moving thing to +hear them cry in the dusk.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>. . . What a happiness to see that you are drawing. Yes, do this for us +both. If you knew how I itch to express in paint all our emotions! If +you have read my letters of all this time you will know my privation, +but also my happiness.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>Monday, November 9, 7 o'clock.</i></div> + +<p>. . . We have returned to the wide open view that I love so much. +Unfortunately we <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span>can only catch a glimpse of it through mouse-holes. +Well, it is always so!. . . </p> + +<p>. . . All these days I have been feeling the charm of a country lying in +autumn sweetness. This peace was troubled yesterday by the poignant +sight of a burning village. It is not the first we have seen, and yet we +have not grown used to it.</p> + +<p>We had taken up our observation-posts; it was still dark. From our +height we saw the tremendous flare and, at daybreak, the charming +village, sheltering in the valley, was nothing but smoke. This, in the +silvery nimbus of a glorious morning.</p> + +<p>From our mouse-trap we had looked to the distance with its prettily +winding road, its willow-bordered stream, its Calvary: all this harmony +to end in the horror of destruction.</p> + +<p>The Germans had set fire to it by hand in the night; they had been +dislodged from it after two nights of fierce fighting: their action may +be interpreted as an intention to retreat at this point. This +proceeding, generally detested by our soldiers, is, I think, forced by +strategic necessity. When a village is destroyed it is very difficult +for us in the rear to make any kind of use of it. All day <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span>we have been +witnessing this devastation, while above our heads the little field-mice +are taking advantage of the straw in which we are to sleep.</p> + +<p>Our existence, as infantry, is a little like that of rabbits in the +shooting season. The more knowing of us, at any rate, are perpetually on +the look-out for a hole. As soon as we are buried in it, we are ordered +not to move again. These wise orders are unfortunately not always given +with discrimination; thus, yesterday there were four of us in an +advance-trench situated in a magnificent spot and perfectly hidden +beneath leaves. We should have been able to delight in the landscape but +for the good corporal, who was afraid to allow us even a little +enjoyment of life. Later the artillery came up with a tremendous din and +showed us the use of these superlative precautions.</p> + +<p>None the less, I have been able to enjoy the landscape—alas! a scene of +smoke and tragedy yesterday. Be sure, beloved mother, that I do not wish +to commit a single imprudence, but certainly this war is the triumph of +Fate, of Providence and Destiny.</p> + +<p>I pray ardently to deserve the grace of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span>return, but apart from a few +moments of only human impatience, I can say that the greater part of my +being is given up to resignation.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>November 10, 11 o'clock.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">My very dear Mother</span>,—What shall I say to you to-day—a day +monotonous with fog. Occupations that are stupefying, not in themselves, +but because of the insipid companionship. I fall back on myself. +Yesterday I wrote you a long letter, telling you among other things how +dear your letters are to me. When I began to write on this sheet I was a +little weary and troubled, but now that I am with you I become happy, +and I immediately remember whatever good fortune this day has brought +me.</p> + +<p>This morning the lieutenant sent me to get some wire from headquarters, +in a devastated village which we have surrounded for six weeks. I went +down through the orchards full of the last fallen plums. A few careless +soldiers were gathering them up into baskets. A charming scene, purely +pastoral and bucolic, in spite of the red trousers—very faded after +three months' campaign. . . .<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span></p> + +<p>I am happy in the affection of Ch—— R——. His is a nature according +in all its elements with my own. I am sure that he will not be cross +with me for not writing, especially if you give a kind message from me +to his wife.</p> + +<p>The little task confided to me meant walking from nightfall until nine +o'clock, but I occasionally lay down in a shelter or in a barn instead +of getting back to the trenches for the night.</p> + +<p>I do not have good nights of reading now, but sometimes when S—— and I +are lying side by side in the trench, you would not believe what a +mirage we evoke and what joy we have in stirred-up memories. Ah, how +science and intellectual phenomena lead us into a very heaven of +legends, and what pleasure I get from the marvellous history of this +metal, or that acid! For me the thousand and one nights are renewing +themselves. And then at waking, sometimes, the blessing of a dawn. That +is the life I have led since the 13th or 14th of October. I ask for +nothing, I am content that in such a war we should have relatively a +great deal of calm.</p> + +<p>You cannot imagine what a consolation it <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span>is to know that you give your +heart to what concerns me. What pleasure I have in imagining you +interested in my books, looking at my engravings!. . . </p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>November 12, 3 o'clock.</i></div> + + +<p>. . . To-day we have had a march as pleasant as the first one, in weather +of great beauty. We saw, in the blue and rosy distance, the far-off peak +of the Metz hills, and the immense panorama scattered over with +villages, some of which gathered up the morning light, while others were +merely suggested.</p> + +<p>This is the broad outline of our existence: for three days we stay close +to the enemy, living in well-constructed shelters which are improved +each time; then we spend three days a little way back; and then three +days in billets in a neighbouring village, generally the same. We even +gradually form habits—very passing ones, but still, we have a certain +amount of contact with the civil population which has been so sorely +tried. The woollen things are very effectual and precious.</p> + +<p>. . . We have good people to deal with. The dear woman from whose dwelling +I write to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span>you, and with whom I stayed before, wears herself to death +to give us a little of what reminds us of home.</p> + +<p>But, dear mother, what reminds me of home is here in my heart. It is not +eating on plates or sitting on a chair that counts. It is your love, +which I feel so near. . . .</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>November 14.</i></div> + +<p>Since half-past eight on the evening of the 12th we have been dragged +about from place to place in the prospect of our taking part in a +violent movement. We left at night, and in the calm of nature my +thoughts cleared themselves a little, after the two days in billets +during which one becomes a little too material. Our reinforcement went +up by stealth. We awaited our orders in a barn, where we slept on the +floor. Then we filed into the woods and fields, which the day, breaking +through grey, red, and purple clouds, slowly lit up, in surroundings the +most romantic and pathetic that could be imagined. In the full daylight +of a charming morning we learnt that the troops ahead of us had +inflicted enormous losses on the enemy, and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span>had even made a very slight +advance. We then returned to our usual posts, and here I am again, +beholding once more the splendour of the French country, so touching in +this grey, windy, and impassioned November, with sunshine thrown in +patches upon infinite horizons.</p> + +<p>Dear mother, how beautiful it is, this region of spacious dignity, where +all is noble and proportioned, where outlines are so beautifully +defined!—the road bordered with trees diminishing towards the frontier, +hills, and beyond them misty heights which one guesses to be the German +Vosges. There is the scenery, and here is something better than the +scenery. There is a Beethoven melody and a piece by Liszt called +'Bénédiction de Dieu dans la solitude.' Certainly we have no solitude, +but if you turn the pages of Albert Samain's poems you will find an +aphorism by Villiers de l'Isle-Adam: 'Know that there will always be +solitude on earth for those who are worthy of it.' This solitude of a +soul that can ignore all that is not in tune with it. . . .</p> + +<p>I have had two letters from you, of the 6th and 7th. Perhaps this +evening I shall <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span>have another. Do not let us allow our courage to be +concerned only with the waiting for letters from each other. But the +letters are our life, they are what bring us our joys, our happiness, it +is through them that we take delight in the sights of this world and of +this time.</p> + +<p>If your eyes are not strong, that is a reason for not writing, but apart +from your health do not by depriving me of letters hold back your heart +from me.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>November 14</i> (2nd letter).</div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dear Mother whom I love</span>,—Here we are again in our usual +billet, and my heart is full of thoughts all tending towards you. I +cannot tell you all that I feel in every moment, yet how much I should +like to share with you the many pleasures that come one by one even in +this monotonous life of ours, as a broken thread drops its pearls.</p> + +<p>I should like to be able to admire with you this lovely cloud, this +stretch of country which so fills us with reverence, to listen with you +to the poetry of the wind from beyond the mountain, as when we walked +together <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span>at Boulogne. But here a great many prosaic occupations prevent +me from speaking to you as I feel.</p> + +<p>I sent you with my baggage my note-book from August 18 to October 20.<a name="FNanchor_2_2" id="FNanchor_2_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_2_2" class="fnanchor">[2]</a> +These notes were made when we could easily get at our light bags, in the +calm of our trench-days, when our danger stopped our chattering, and I +could let my heart speak. I found a happiness more intense, wider and +fuller, to write to you about. That was a time of paradise for me. But I +don't like the billets, because the comfort and the security, relaxing +our minds, bring about a great deal of uproar which I don't like. You +know how much I have always needed quiet and solitude. Still, I have +excellent friends, and the officers are very kind.</p> + +<p>But with a little patience and a few thoughts about you I can be happy. +How kind this first half of November has been! I have not suffered once +from cold. And how lovely it was! That All Saints' Day was nothing but a +long hymn—from the night, with its pure moonlight on the dark amber of +the autumn trees, to the tender twilight. The immense <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span>rosy dream of +this misty plain, stretching out towards the near hills. . . . What a song +of praise! and many days since then have sung the glory of God. Cœli +ennarrant. . . .</p> + +<p>That is what those days brought to me.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>November 15, 7 o'clock.</i></div> + +<p>Yesterday the wild weather, fine to see from the shelter of our billet, +brought me apprehensions for to-night's departure, but when I woke the +sky was the purest and starriest that one could dream of! How grateful I +felt!</p> + +<p>What we fear most is the rain, which penetrates through everything when +we are without fire or shelter. The cold is nothing—we are armed +against it beforehand.</p> + +<p>. . . In spite of all, how much I appreciated the sight of this vast plain +upon which we descended, lashed by the great wind. Above the low horizon +was the wide grey sky in which, here and there, pale rents recalled the +vanished blue.—A black, tragic Calvary in silhouette—then some +skeleton trees! What a place! This is where I can think of you, and of +my beloved <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span>music. To-day I have the atmosphere that I want.</p> + +<p>. . . I should like to define the form of my conviction of better things +in the near future, resulting from this war. These events prepare the +way to a new life: that of the United States of Europe.</p> + +<p>After the conflict, those who will have completely and filially +fulfilled their obligation to their country will find themselves +confronted by duties yet more grave, and the realisation of things that +are now impossible. Then will be the time for them to throw their +efforts into the future. They must use their energies to wipe out the +trace of the shattering contact of nations. The French Revolution, +notwithstanding its mistakes, notwithstanding some backsliding in +practice, some failure in construction, did none the less establish in +man's soul this fine theory of national unity. Well! the horrors of the +1914 war lead to the unity of Europe, to the unity of the race. This new +state will not be established without blows and spoliation and strife +for an indefinite time, but without doubt the door is now open towards +the new horizon.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span></p> + +<div class='center'> +<br/><br/>To Madame C——.<br /> +</div> + +<div class='date'><i>November 16.</i></div> + + +<p><span class="smcap">My dear Friend</span>,—How much pleasure and comfort your letter +gives me, and how your warm friendship sustains my courage!</p> + +<p>What you say to me about my mother binds me closer to existence. Thank +you for your splendid and constant affection.</p> + +<p>. . . What shall I tell you of my life? Through the weariness and the +vicissitudes I am upheld by the contemplation of Nature which for two +months has been accumulating the emotion and the pathos of this +impassioned season. One of my habitual stations is on the heights which +overlook the immense Woëvre plain. How beautiful it is! and what a +blessing to follow, each hour of the day and evening, the kindling +colours of the autumn leaves! This frightful human uproar cannot succeed +in troubling the majestic serenity of Nature! There are moments when man +seems to go beyond anything that could be imagined; but a soul that is +prepared can soon perceive the harmony which over<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span>looks and reconciles +all this dissonance. Do not think that I remain insensible to the agony +of scenes that we behold all too often: villages wiped out by the +artillery that is hurled upon them; smoke by day, light by night; the +misery of a flying population under shell-fire. Each instant brings some +shock straight to one's heart. That is why I take refuge in this high +consolation, because without some discipline of the heart I could not +suffer thus and not be undone.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>November 17, in the morning.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dear Mother</span>,— . . . I write to you in the happiness of the dawn +over my dear village. The night, which began with rain, has brought us +again a pure and glorious sky. I see once more my distant horizons, my +peaked hills, the harmonious lines of my valleys. From this height where +I stand who would guess that agricultural and peaceful village to be in +reality nothing but a heap of ruins, in which not a house is spared, and +in which no human being can survive the hell of artillery!</p> + +<p>As I write, the sun falls upon the belfry <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[Pg 81]</a></span>which I see framed in the +still sombre tree close beside me, while far away, beneath the last +hills, the last swelling of the ground, the plain begins to reveal its +precious detail in the rosy and golden atmosphere.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>November 17, 11 o'clock.</i></div> + +<p>The splendid weather is my great consolation. I live rather like an +invalid sent to some magnificent country, whom the treatment compels to +unpleasant and fatiguing occupations. Between Leysin and the trench +where I am at present there has been only uncertainty. Nothing new has +happened to our company since October 13.</p> + +<p>This is a strange kind of war. It is like that between neighbours on bad +terms. Consider that some of the trenches are separated from the enemy +by hardly 100 metres, and that the combatants fling projectiles across +with their hands: you see that these neighbours make use of violent +methods.</p> + +<p>As for me, I really live only when I am with you, and when I feel the +splendour of the surroundings.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[Pg 82]</a></span>Even in the middle of conversations, I am able to preserve the +sensation of solitude of thought which is necessary to me.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>November 18.</i></div> + +<p>This morning, daylight showed us a country covered with hoar-frost, a +universal whiteness over hills and forest. My little village looks +thoroughly chilled.</p> + +<p>I had spent the greater part of the night in a warm shelter, and I could +have stayed there, thanks to the kindness of my superiors, but I am +foolish and timid, and I rejoined my comrades from 1 o'clock till +half-past 4.</p> + +<p>Curiously enough, we can easily bear the cold: an admirable article of +clothing, which nearly all of us possess, is a flour-sack which can be +worn, according to the occasion, as a little shoulder-cape, or as a bag +for the feet. In either case it is an excellent preserver of heat.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>11 o'clock.</i></div> + +<p>For the moment there runs in my mind a pretty and touching air by +Handel. Also, an allegro from our organ duets: joyful and <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[Pg 83]</a></span>brilliant +music, overflowing with life. Dear Handel! Often he consoles me.</p> + +<p>Beethoven comes back only rarely to my mind, but when his music does +awake in me, it touches something so vital that it is always as though a +hand were drawing aside a curtain from the mystery of the Creation.</p> + +<p>Poor dear Great Masters! Shall it be counted a crime against them that +they were Germans? How is it possible to think of Schumann as a +barbarian?</p> + +<p>Yesterday this country recalled to my mind what you played to me ten +years ago, the Rheingold: 'Libre étendu sur la hauteur.' But the outlook +of our French art had this superiority over the beautiful music of that +wretched man—it had composure and clarity and reason. Yes, our French +art was never turbid.</p> + +<p>As for Wagner, however beautiful his music, and however irresistible and +attractive his genius, I believe it would be a less substantial loss to +French taste to be deprived of him than of his great classical +compatriots.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>I can say with truth that in those moments when the idea of a possible +return comes to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[Pg 84]</a></span>me, it is never the thought of the comfort or the +well-being that preoccupies me. It is something higher and nobler which +turns my thoughts towards this form of hope. Can I say that it is even +something different from the immense joy of our meeting again? It is +rather the hope of taking up again our common effort, our association, +of which the aim is the development of our souls, and the best use we +can make of them upon earth.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>November 19, in the morning.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">My very dear Mother</span>,—To-day I was wakened at dawn by a violent +cannonade, unusual at that hour. Just then some of the men came back +frozen by a night in the trenches. I got up to fetch them some wood, and +then, on the opposite slope of the valley, the fusillade burst out +fully. I mounted as high as I could, and I saw the promise of the sun in +the pure sky.</p> + +<p>Suddenly, from the opposite hill (one of those hills I love so much), I +heard an uproar, and shouting: 'Forward! Forward!' It was a bayonet +charge. This was my first experience of one—not that I saw anything; +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[Pg 85]</a></span>the still-dark hour, and, probably, the disposition of the ground, +prevented me. But what I heard was enough to give me the feeling of the +attack.</p> + +<p>Up till then I had never imagined how different is the courage required +by this kind of anonymous warfare from the traditional valour in war, as +conceived by the civilian. And the clamour of this morning reminds me, +in the midst of my calm, that young men, without any personal motive of +hate, can and must fling themselves upon those who are waiting to kill +them.</p> + +<p>But the sun rises over my country. It lightens the valley, and from my +height I can see two villages, two ruins, one of which I saw ablaze for +three nights. Near to me, two crosses made of white wood. . . . French +blood flows in 1914. . . .</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>November 20.</i></div> + +<p>From the window near which I write I see the rising sun. It shines upon +the hoar-frost, and gradually I discover the beautiful country which is +undergoing such horrors. It appears that there were many victims in the +bayonet <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[Pg 86]</a></span>charge which I heard yesterday. Among others, we are without +tidings of two sections of the regiment which formed part of our +brigade. While these others were working out their destiny, I was on the +crest of the most beautiful hill (I was very much exposed also at other +times). I saw the daybreak; I was full of emotion in beholding the peace +of Nature, and I realised the contrast between the pettiness of human +violence and the majesty of the surroundings.</p> + +<p>That time of pain for you, from September 9th to October 13th, +corresponds exactly with my first phase of war. On September 9th I +arrived, and detrained almost within reach of the terrible battle of the +Marne, which was in progress 35 kilometres away. On the 12th I rejoined +the 106th, and thenceforward led the life of a combatant. On October +13th, as I told you, we left the lovely woods, where the enemy artillery +and infantry had done a lot of mischief among us, especially on the 3rd. +Our little community lost on that day a heart of gold, a wonderful boy, +grown too good to live. On the 4th, an excellent comrade, an +architectural student, was wounded fairly severely in the arm, but <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[Pg 87]</a></span>the +news which he has since sent of himself is good. Then until the 13th, +terrible day, we lived through some hard times, especially as the +danger, real enough, was exaggerated by the feeling of suffocation and +of the unknown which hemmed us round in those woods, so fine at any +other time.</p> + +<p>The important thing is to bear in mind the significance of every moment. +The problem is of perpetual urgency. On one side the providential +blessing, up till the present, of complete immunity. On the other, the +hazards of the future. That is how our wish to do good should be applied +to the present moment. There is no satisfaction to be had in questioning +the future, but I believe that every effort made now will avail us then. +It is a heroic struggle to sustain, but let us count not only on +ourselves but on another force so much more powerful than our human +means.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>November 21.</i></div> + +<p>To-day we lead a <i>bourgeoise</i> life, almost too comfortable. The cold +keeps us with the extraordinary woman who lodges us whenever <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[Pg 88]</a></span>we visit +the village where we are billeted three days out of nine.</p> + +<p>I will not tell you about the pretty view from the window where I write, +but I will speak of the interior which shelters many of our days. By day +we live in two rooms divided by a glass partition, and, looking through +from one room to another, we can admire either the fine fire in the +great chimney-place or the magnificent wardrobe and the Meuse beds made +of fine old brass. All the delicate life of these two old women (the +mother, 87 years old, and the daughter) is completely disorganised by +the roughness, the rudeness, the kind hearts and the generosity of the +soldiers. These women accept all that comes and are most devoted.</p> + +<p>As for Spinoza, whose spirit you already possess, I think that you can +go straight to the last theorems. You will be sure to have intuitive +understanding of what he says about the soul's repose. Yes, those are +moments experienced by us too rarely in our weakness, but they suffice +to let us discover in ourselves, through the blows and buffetings of our +poor human nature, a certain tendency towards what is permanent and +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[Pg 89]</a></span>what is final; and we realise the splendid inheritance of divinity to +which we are the heirs.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>Dear mother, what a happy day I have just spent with you.</p> + +<p>There were three of us: we two and the pretty landscape from my window.</p> + +<p>Seen from here, winter gives a woolly and muffled air to things. Two +clouds, or rather mists, wrap the near hillside without taking any +delicacy from the drawing of the shrubs on the crest; the sky is light +green. All is filtered. Everything sleeps. This is the time for +night-attacks, the cries of the charge, the watch in the trenches. Let +our prayers of every moment ask for the end of this state of things. Let +us wish for rest for all, a great amends, recompense for all grief and +pain and separation.</p> + +<div class='sig'><span class="smcap">Your Son</span>.</div> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>Sunday, November 22, 9.30.</i></div> + +<p>I write to you this morning from my favourite place, without anything +having happened since last night that is worth recording—save perhaps +the thousand flitting <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[Pg 90]</a></span>nothings in the landscape. I got up with the sun, +which now floods all the space with silver. The cold is still keen, but +by piling on our woollen things we get the better of it on these nights +in billets. There is only this to say: that to-morrow we go to our +trenches in the second line, in the woods that are now thin and +monotonous. Of our three stations, that is the one I perhaps like the +least, because the sky is exiled behind high branches. It is more a +landscape for R——, but flat, and spoilt by the kind of existence that +one leads there.</p> + +<p>Hostilities seem to be recommencing in our region with a certain amount +of energy. This morning we can hear a violent fusillade, a thing very +rare in this kind of war, in which attacks are generally made at night, +the day being practically reserved for artillery bombardments.</p> + +<p>Dear mother, let us put our hope in the strength of soul which will make +petition each hour, each minute. . . .</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>. . . Yes, it gives me pleasure to tell you about my life; it is a fine +life in so many ways. Often, at night, as I walk along the road <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[Pg 91]</a></span>where +my little duty takes me, I am full of happiness to be able thus to +communicate with the greatness of Nature, with the sky and its +harmonious pattern of stars, with the large and gracious curves of these +hills; and though the danger is always present, I think that not only +your courage, your consciousness of the eternal, but also your love for +me will make you approve of my not stopping perpetually to puzzle over +the enigma.</p> + +<p>So my present life brings extreme degrees of feeling, which cannot be +measured by time. Feeling produced, for instance, by beautiful leafage, +the dawn, a delicate landscape, a touching moon. These are all things in +which qualities at once fleeting and permanent isolate the human heart +from all preoccupations which lead us in these times either to +despairing anxiety, or to abject materialism, or again to a cheap +optimism, which I wish to replace by the high hope that is common to us +all, and which does not rely on human events.</p> + +<p>All my tenderness and constant love for grandmother; for you, courage, +calm, perfect resignation without effort.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[Pg 92]</a></span></p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>November 23.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dear Mother</span>,—Here we are arrived in our shelters in the second +line. We lodge in earth huts, where the fire smokes us out as much as it +warms us. The weather, which during the night was overcast, has given us +a charming blue and rosy morning. Unfortunately the woods have less to +say to me than the marvellous spaces of our front lines. Still, all is +beautiful here.</p> + +<p>Yesterday my day was made up of the happiness of writing to you; I went +into the village church without being urged by a single romantic feeling +nor any desire for comfort from without. My conception of divine harmony +did not need to be supported by any outward form, or popular symbol.</p> + +<p>Then I had the great good fortune to go with a carriage into the +surrounding country. Oh, the marvellous landscape—still of blue and +rosy colour, paled by the mist! All this rich and luminous delicacy +found definite accents in the abrupt spots made by people scattered +about the open. My landscape, always <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[Pg 93]</a></span>primitive in its precision, now +took on a subtlety of nuances, a richness of variety essentially modern.</p> + +<p>One moment I recalled the peculiar outer suburbs of Paris with their +innumerable notes and their suppressed effects. But here there is more +frankness and candour. Here everything was simply rose and blue against +a pale grey ground.</p> + +<p>My driver, getting into difficulty with his horse, entrusted the whip to +me to touch up the animal: I must have looked like a little mechanical +toy.</p> + +<p>We passed by the Calvaries which keep guard over the Meuse villages, a +few trees gathered round the cross.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>November 24, 3.30</i> (back from the march).</div> + +<p>I have just received a letter of the 16th and a card, and a dear letter +of the 18th. These two last tell me of the arrival of my packet. How +glad I am to hear that! For a moment I asked myself whether I was right +to send you these impressions, but, between us two, life has never been +and can never be <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[Pg 94]</a></span>anything but a perpetual investigation in the region +of eternal truths, fervent attention to the truth each earthly spectacle +presents. And so I do not regret sending you those little notes.</p> + +<p>My worst sufferings were during the rainy days of September. Those days +are a bitter memory to every one. We slept interlocked, face against +face, hands crossed, in a deluge of water and mud. It would be +impossible to imagine our despair.</p> + +<p>To crown all, after these frightful hours, they told us that the enemy +was training his machine-guns upon us, and that we must attack him. +However, we were relieved; the explosion was violent.</p> + +<p>As for my still unwritten verse, '<i>Soleil si pale</i>,' etc., it relates to +the 11th, 12th, and 13th of October, and, generally, to the time of the +battle in the woods, which lasted for our regiment from September 22nd +to October 13th. What struck me so much was to see the sun rise upon the +victims.</p> + +<p>Since then I have written nothing, but for a prayer which I sent you +five or six days ago. I composed it while I was on duty on the road.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[Pg 95]</a></span></p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>November 25, in the morning.</i></div> + +<p>. . . Yesterday, in the course of that march, I lived in a picture by my +beloved primitives. Coming out of the wood, as we went down a long road, +we had close by us a large farm-house, plumed by a group of bare trees +beside a frozen pool.</p> + +<p>Then, in the under-perspective so cleverly used by my dear painters with +their air of simplicity, a road, unwinding itself, with its slopes and +hills, bound in by shrubs, and some solitary trees: all this precise, +fine, etched, and yet softened. A little bridge spanning a stream, a man +on horseback passing close to the little bridge, carefully silhouetted, +and then a little carriage: delicate balance of values, discreet, yet +well maintained—all this in front of a horizon of noble woods. A kind +of grey weather which has replaced the enchantment, so modern in +feeling, of the nuances of last Sunday, takes me back to that incisive +consciousness which moves us as a Breughel and the other masters, whose +names escape me. Like this, too, the clear and orderly thronging in +Albert Dürer backgrounds.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[Pg 96]</a></span></p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>November 26.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dearest Mother</span>,—I didn't succeed in finishing this letter +yesterday. We were very busy. And now to-day it is still dark. From my +dug-out, where I have just arrived in the front line, I send you my +great love; I am very happy. I feel that the work I am to do in future +is taking shape in myself. What does it matter if Providence does not +allow me to bring it to light? I have firm hope, and above all I have +confidence in eternal justice, however it may surprise our human +ideas. . . .</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>November 28.</i></div> + +<p>The position we occupy is 45 metres away from the enemy. The roads of +approach are curious and even picturesque in their harshness, emphasised +by the greyness of the weather.</p> + +<p>Our troops, having dodged by night the enemy's vigilance, and come up +from the valley to the mid-heights where the rising ground protects them +from the infantry fire, find shelters hollowed from the side of the +hill, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[Pg 97]</a></span>burrows where those who are not on guard can have some sleep and +the warmth of an Improvised hearth. Then, farther on, just where the +landscape becomes magnificent in freedom, expanse, and light, the +winding furrow, called the communication trench, begins. Concealed thus, +we arrive in the trench, and it is truly a spectacle of war, severe and +not without grandeur—this long passage which has a grey sky for +ceiling, and in which the floor is covered over with recent snow. Here +the last infantry units are stationed—units, generally, of feeble +effective. The enemy is not more than a hundred metres away. From there +continues the communication trench, more and more deep and winding, in +which I feel anew the emotion I always get from contact with newly +turned earth. The excavating for the banking-up works stirs something in +me: it is as if the energy of this disembowelled earth took hold of me +and told me the history of life.</p> + +<p>Two or three sappers are at work lengthening the hollows, watched by the +Germans who, from point to point, can snipe the insufficiently protected +places. At this end the last sentry guards about forty metres.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[Pg 98]</a></span></p> + +<p>You can picture the contrast between all this military organisation and +the peace that used to reign here. Think what an astonishment it is to +me to remember that where I now look the labourer once walked behind his +plough, and that the sun, whose glory I contemplate as a prisoner +contemplates liberty, shone upon him freely on these heights.</p> + +<p>Then, too, when at dusk I come out into the open, what an ecstasy! I +won't speak to you of this, for I feel I must be silent about these +joys. They must not be exposed: they are birds that love silence. . . . Let +us confine our speech to that essential happiness which is not easily +affrighted—the happiness of feeling ourselves prepared equally for all.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>November 29, in the morning</i> (from a billet).</div> + + +<p><span class="smcap">My very dear Mother</span>,—Yesterday evening I left the first line +trenches in broken weather which, in the night, after my arrival here, +turned into rain. I watch it falling through the fog from my favourite +window. If you like I will tell you of the wonders I saw yesterday.</p> + +<p>From the position described in my letter <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[Pg 99]</a></span>of yesterday, can be seen, as +I have often written to you, the most marvellous horizon. Yesterday a +terrible wind rent a low veil of clouds which grew red at their summits. +Perhaps the background of my 'Haheyna' will give you a faint idea of +what it was. But how much more majestic and full of animation was the +emotion I experienced yesterday.</p> + +<p>The hills and valleys passed in turn from light to shade, now defined, +now veiled, according to the movement of the mists. High up, blue spaces +fringed with light.</p> + +<p>Such was the beauty of yesterday. Shall I speak of the evenings that +went before, when, on my way along the road, the moon brought out the +pattern of the trees, the pathetic Calvaries, the touching spectacle of +houses which one knew were ruins, but which night seemed to make stand +forth again like an appeal for peace.</p> + +<p>I am glad to see you like Verlaine. Read the fine preface by Coppée to +the selected works, which you will find in my library.</p> + +<p>His fervour has a spontaneity, I might almost say a grossness, which +always repels me a little, just because it belongs to that <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[Pg 100]</a></span>kind of +Catholic fervour which on its figurative side will always leave me cold. +But what a poet!</p> + +<p>He has been my almost daily delight both here and when I was in Paris; +often the music of his <i>Paysages Tristes</i> comes back to me, exactly +expressing the emotion of certain hours. His life is as touching as that +of a sick animal, and one almost wonders that a like indignity has not +withered the exquisite flowers of his poetry. His conversion, that of an +artist rather than of a thinker, followed on a great upsetting of his +existence which resulted from grave faults of his. (He was in prison.)</p> + +<p>In the <i>Lys Rouge</i> Anatole France has drawn a striking portrait of him, +under the name of Choulette; perhaps you will find we have this book.</p> + +<p>In <i>Sagesse</i> the poems are fine and striking because of the true impulse +and sincerity of the remorse. A little as though the cry of the <i>Nuit de +Mai</i> resounded all through his work.</p> + +<p>Our two great poets of the last century, Musset and Verlaine, were two +unhappy beings without any moral principle with <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[Pg 101]</a></span>which to stake up their +flowers of thought—yet what magnificent and intoxicating flowers.</p> + +<p>Perhaps I tire you when I speak thus on random subjects, but to do so +enables me to plunge back into my old life for a little while. Since I +had the happiness of getting your letters, I have not taken note of +anything. Do not think that distractions by the way make me forgetful of +our need and hope, but I believe it is just the beautiful adornment of +life which gives it, for you and me, its value.</p> + +<p>I am still expecting letters from you after that of the 22nd, but I am +sure to get them here in this billet. Thank you for the parcel you +promise: poor mothers, what pains they all take!</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>December 1, in the morning</i> (from a billet).</div> + +<p>I remember the satisfaction I felt in my freedom when I was exempted +from my military duties. It seemed to me that if, at twenty-seven years +old, I had been obliged to return to the regiment, my life and career +would have been irretrievably lost. And here I am now, twenty-eight +years old, back in <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[Pg 102]</a></span>the army, far from my work, my responsibilities, my +ambitions—and yet never has life brought me such a full measure of +finer feelings; never have I been able to record such freshness of +sensibility, such security of conscience. So those are the blessings +arising out of the thing which my reasonable human foresight envisaged +as disaster. And thus continues the lesson of Providence which, +upsetting all my fears, makes good arise out of every change of +situation.</p> + +<p>The two last sunrises, yesterday and to-day, were lovely. . . .</p> + +<p>I feel inclined to make you a little sketch of the view from my +window. . . .</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>It is done from memory; in your imagination you must add streaks of +purple colour, making the most dramatic effect, and an infinite stretch +of open country to right and left. This is what I have been able again +and again to look upon, during this time. At this moment, the soft sky +brings into harmony the orchards where we work. My little job dispenses +me from digging for the time. Such are the happinesses which, from afar, +had the appearance of calamities.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[Pg 103]</a></span></p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>December 1</i> (2nd letter).</div> + +<p>I have just received your letters of the 25th, 26th, and 27th, as well +as a dear letter from Grandmother, so valiant, so full of spirit, and so +clear-minded. It gave me great pleasure, and brings me a dear hope, of +which I accept the augury with joy. Each one of your beloved letters, +too, gives me the best of what life holds for me. My first letter of +to-day replies to what you say about the acceptation of trials and the +destruction of idols.</p> + +<p>You will see that I think absolutely as you do, and I trust that there +is in this hour no impeding idol in my heart. . . .</p> + +<p>I think that my last prayer is in fact very simple. The spirit of the +place could not have borne to be clothed in an art that was overloaded. +God was everywhere, and everywhere was harmony: the road at night, of +which I speak to you so often, the starry sky, the valley full of the +murmuring of water, the trees, the Calvaries, the hills near and far. +There would not have been any room for artifice. It is useless for me to +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[Pg 104]</a></span>give up being an artist, but I hope always to be sincere and to use art +as it were only for the clothing of my conscience.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>December 5, in the morning.</i></div> + +<p>. . . We have come out of our burrows, and three days of imprisonment are +followed by a morning in the open. It would be impossible to imagine +such a state of mud.</p> + +<p>Your pretty aluminium watch is the admiration of everybody.</p> + +<p>Is André's wound serious? The mothers endure terrible agony in this war, +but courage—nothing will be lost. As for me, I get on all right, and am +as happy as one may be.</p> + +<p>A terrific wind to-day, chasing the fine clouds. Keen air, in which the +branches thrive. Beautiful moonlight on all these nights, all the more +appreciated if one has been cheated of the day.</p> + +<p>Dear, I am writing badly to-day because we are bewildered by the full +daylight after those long hours of darkness, but my heart goes out to +you and rests with you.</p> + +<p>. . . Let us bring to everything the spirit of courage. Let us have +confidence in God <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[Pg 105]</a></span>always, whatever happens. How much I feel, as you do, +that one can adore Him only with one's spirit! And like you I think that +we must avoid all pride which condemns the ways of other people. Let our +love lead us in union towards the universal Providence. Let us, in +constant prayer, give back our destiny into His hands. Let us humbly +admit to Him our human hopes, trying at every moment to link them to +eternal wisdom. It is a task which now seems full of difficulty, but +difficulty is in everything in life.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>Sunday, December 6.</i></div> + +<p>I am happy to see you so determinedly courageous. We have need of +courage, or, rather, we have need of something difficult to obtain, +which is neither patience nor overconfidence, but a certain belief in +the order of things, the power to be able to say of every trial that it +is well.</p> + +<p>Our instinct for life makes us try to free ourselves from our +obligations when they are too cruel, too oft-repeated, but, as I am +happy to know, you have been able to see what Spinoza understood by +human liberty.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[Pg 106]</a></span> Inaccessible ideal, to which one must cling +nevertheless. . . .</p> + +<p>. . . Dear mother, these trials that we must accept are long, but +notwithstanding their unchanging form one cannot call them monotonous, +since they call upon courage which must be perpetually new. Let us unite +together for God to grant us strength and resource in accepting +everything. . . .</p> + +<p>You know what I call religion: that which unites in man all his ideas of +the universal and the eternal, those two forms of God. Religion, in the +ordinary sense of the word, is but the binding together of certain moral +and disciplinary formulas with the fine poetic imagery of the great +biblical and Christian philosophies.</p> + +<p>Do not let us offend any one. Looked at properly, religious formulas, +however apart they may remain from my own habit of mind, seem to me +praiseworthy and sympathetic in all that they contain of aspiration and +beauty and form.</p> + +<p>Dear mother whom I love, let us always hope: trials are legion, but +beauty remains. Let us pray that we may long continue to contemplate +it. . . .<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[Pg 107]</a></span></p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>Monday, December 7.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">My beloved Mother</span>,—I am writing this in the night . . . by six +o'clock in the morning military life will be in full swing.</p> + +<p>My candle is stuck on a bayonet, and every now and then a drop of water +falls on to my nose. My poor companions try to light a reluctant fire. +Our time in the trenches transforms us into lumps of mud.</p> + +<p>The general good humour is admirable. However the men may long to +return, they accept none the less heroically the vicissitudes of the +situation. Their courage, infinitely less 'literary' than mine, is so +much the more practical and adaptable; but each bird has its cry, and +mine has never been a war-cry. I am happy to have felt myself responsive +to all these blows, and my hope lies in the thought that they will have +forged my soul. Also I place confidence in God and whatever He holds in +store for me.</p> + +<p>I seem to foresee my work in the future. Not that I build much on this +presentiment, for all artists have conceived work which has never come +to light. Mozart was about <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[Pg 108]</a></span>to make a new start when he died, and +Beethoven planned the 'Tenth Symphony' in ignorance of the all too brief +time that was to be allowed him by destiny.</p> + +<p>It is the duty of the artist to open his flowers without dread of frost, +and perhaps God will allow my efforts to fulfil themselves in the +future. My very various attempts at work all have an indescribable +immaturity about them still, a halting execution, which consorts badly +with the real loftiness of the intention. It seems to me that my art +will not quite expand until my life is further advanced. Let us pray +that God will allow me to attain. . . .</p> + +<p>As for what is in your own heart, I have such confidence in your courage +that this certainty is my great comfort in this hour. I know that my +mother has gained that freedom of soul which allows contemplation of the +universal scheme of things. I know from my own experience how +intermittent is this wisdom, but even to taste of it is already to +possess God. It is the security I derive from knowledge of your soul and +your love, that enables me to think of the future in whatever form it +may come.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[Pg 109]</a></span></p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>December 9.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dear Mother</span>,—P—— L——, in his charming letter, tells me he +would willingly exchange his philosophers for a gun. He is quite wrong. +For one thing, Spinoza is a most valuable aid in the trenches; and then +it is those who are still in a position to profit by culture and +progress who must now carry on French thought. They have an +overwhelmingly difficult task, calling for far more initiative than +ours. We are free of all burden. I think our existence is like that of +the early monks: hard, regular discipline and freedom from all external +obligations.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>December 10</i> (a marvellous morning).</div> + +<p>Our third day in billets brings us the sweetness of friendly weather. +The inveterate deluge of our time in the first line relents a little, +and the sun shows itself timidly.</p> + +<p>Our situation, which has been pleasant enough during the last two +months, may now be expected entirely to change.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[Pg 110]</a></span></p> + +<p>The impregnability of the positions threatens to make the war +interminable; one of the two adversaries must use his offensive to +unlock the situation and precipitate events. I think the high command +faces this probability—and I hardly dare tell you that I cannot regret +anything that increases the danger.</p> + +<p>Our life, of which a third part is flatly bourgeois and the two other +parts present just about the same dangers as, say, chemical works do, +will end by deadening all sensibility. It is true we shall be grieved to +leave what we are used to, but perhaps we were getting too accustomed to +a state of well-being which could not last.</p> + +<p>My own circumstances are perhaps going to change. I shall probably lose +my course, being mentioned for promotion to the rank of corporal, which +means being constantly in the trenches and various duties in the first +line. I hope God will continue to bless me.</p> + +<p>. . . I feel that we have nothing to ask. If there should be in us +something eternal which we must still manifest on earth, we may be sure +that God will let us do it.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[Pg 111]</a></span></p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>December</i> 10 (2nd letter).</div> + +<p>Happily you and I live in a domain where everything unites us without +our having to write our thoughts. . . .</p> + +<p>The weather is overcast again and promises us a wet time in the first +and second lines.</p> + +<p>The day declines, and a great melancholy falls too upon everything. This +is the hour of sadness for those who are far away, for all the soldiers +whose hearts are with their homes, and who see night closing down upon +the earth.</p> + +<p>I come to you, and immediately my heart grows warm. I can feel your +attentive tenderness, and the wisdom which inspires your courage. +Sometimes I am afraid of always saying the same thing, but how can I +find new words for my poor love, tossed always through the same +vicissitudes? Now that we are going to set out, perhaps we shall have to +leave behind many cherished keepsakes, but the soul should not be +strongly tied to fetiches. We are fond of clinging to many things, but +love can do without them.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[Pg 112]</a></span></p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>December 12, 10 o'clock</i> (card).</div> + +<p>A soft day under the rain. All goes well in our melancholy woods. In +various parts of the neighbourhood there has been a terrible cannonade.</p> + +<p>Received your letters of the 4th and 6th. They brought me happiness: +they are the true joy of life. I am glad you visited C——. I hope to +write to you at greater length. It is not that I have less leisure than +usual, but I am going through a time when I am less sensible to the +beauty of things. I long for true wisdom. . . .</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>December 12, 7 o'clock.</i></div> + +<p>To-day, in spite of the changing beauty of sun and rain, I did not feel +alive to Nature. Yet never was there such grace and goodness in the +skies.</p> + +<p>The landscape, with the little bridge and the man on horseback of which +I have told you, softened under the splendour of the clouds. But I had +lapsed from my former sense of the benediction of God, when <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[Pg 113]</a></span>suddenly +the beauty, all the beauty, of a certain tree spoke to my inmost heart. +It told me of fairness that never fails; of the greenness of ivy and the +redness of autumn, the rigidity of winter in the branches;—and then I +understood that an instant of such contemplation is the whole of life, +the very reward of existence, beside which all human expectation is +nothing but a bad dream.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br /><i>Sunday, December 13.</i></div> + +<p>. . . After a refreshing night I walked to-day in these woods where for +three months the dead have strewn the ground. To-day the vanishing +autumn displayed its richness, and the same beauty of mossy trunks spoke +to me, as it did yesterday, of eternal joy.</p> + +<p>I am sure it needs an enormous effort to feel all this, but it must be +felt if we are to understand how little the general harmony is disturbed +by that which intolerably assails our emotions.</p> + +<p>We must feel that all human uprooting is only a little thing, and what +is truly ourselves is the life of the soul.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[Pg 114]</a></span></p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>December 14</i> (splendid weather, with all the calm returned).</div> + +<p>We are still here in the region of the first line, but in a place where +we can lift our heads and behold the charm of my Meusian hills, clearing +in the delicate weather.</p> + +<p>Above the village and the orchards I see the lines of birches and firs. +Some have their skeletons coloured with a diaphanous violet marked with +white. Others build up the horizon with stronger lines.</p> + +<p>I have been strengthened by the splendid lesson given me by a beautiful +tree during a march. Ah, dear mother, we may all disappear and Nature +will remain, and the gift I had from her of a moment of herself is +enough to justify a whole existence. That tree was like a soldier.</p> + +<p>You would not believe how much harm has been done to the forests about +here: it is not so much the machine-guns as the frightful amount of +cutting necessary for making our shelters and for our fuel. Ah well, in +the midst of this devastation some<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[Pg 115]</a></span>thing told me that there will always +be beauty, in man and in tree.</p> + +<p>For man also gives this lesson, though in him it is less easily +distinguished: it is a fine thing to see the splendid vitality of all +this youth, whose force no harvest can diminish.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>December 15, morning.</i></div> + +<p>I have had your dear letter of the 9th, in which you speak of our home. +It makes me happy to feel how fine and strong is the force of life which +soon adjusts itself to each separation and uprooting. It makes me happy, +too, to think that my letters find an echo in your heart. Sometimes I +was afraid of boring you, because though our life is so fine in many +ways, it is certainly very primitive, and there are not many salient +things to relate.</p> + +<p>If only I could follow my calling of painter I could have recourse to +these wonderful visions that lie before me, and I could find vent for +all the pent-up artist's emotion that is within me. As it is, in trying +to speak of the sky, the tree, the hill, or the horizon, I <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[Pg 116]</a></span>cannot use +words as subtle as they, and the infinite variety of these things can +only be named in the same general terms, which I am afraid of constantly +repeating. . . .</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>December 15.</i></div> + +<p>One must adapt oneself to this special kind of life, which is indigent +as far as intellectual activity goes, but marvellously rich in emotion. +I suppose that in troubled times for many centuries there have been men +who, weary of luxury, have sought in the peace of the cloister the +contemplation of eternal things; contemplation threatened by the crowd, +but a refuge even so. And so I think our life is like that of the monks +of old, who were military too, and more apt at fighting than I could +ever be. Among them, those who willed could know the joy which I now +find.</p> + +<p>To-day I have a touching letter from Madame M——, whose spirit I love +and admire.</p> + +<p>Changeable but very beautiful weather.</p> + +<p>It is impossible to say more than we have already said about the +attitude we must adopt in regard to events. The important <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[Pg 117]</a></span>thing is to +put this attitude in practice. It is not easy, as I have learnt in these +last days, though no new difficulty had arisen to impede my path towards +wisdom.</p> + +<p>. . . Tormenting anxiety can sometimes be mistaken for an alert +conscience.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>December 16.</i></div> + +<p>Yesterday in our shelter I got out your little album—very much damaged, +alas—and I tried to copy some of the lines of the landscape. I was +stopped by the cold, and I was returning dissatisfied when I suddenly +had the idea of making one of my friends sit for me. How can I tell you +what a joy it was to get a good result! I believe that my little pencil +proved entirely successful. The sketch has been sent away in a letter to +some friend of his. It was such a true joy to me to feel I had not lost +my faculty.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>December 17</i> (in a new billet).</div> + +<p>. . . Last night we left behind all that was familiar when we came out of +the first-line trenches after three days of perfect peace there. We were +told off to the billet <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[Pg 118]</a></span>which we occupied on October 6th and 7th. One +can feel in the air the wind of change. I don't know what may come, but +the serenity of the weather to-day seems an augury of happiness.</p> + +<p>These have been days of marvellous scenes, which I can appreciate better +now than during those few days of discouragement, which came because I +allowed myself to reckon things according to our miserable human +standards.</p> + +<p>I write to you by a window from which I watch the sunset. You see that +goodness is everywhere for us.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>3 o'clock.</i></div> + +<p>. . . I take up this letter once more in the twilight of an exceptional +winter: the day fades away as calmly as it came. I am watching the women +washing clothes under the lines of trees on the river bank; there is +peace everywhere—I think even in our hearts. Night falls. . . .</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>December 19</i> (in a billet).</div> + +<p>A sweet day, ending here round the table. Quiet, drawing, music. I can +think with <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[Pg 119]</a></span>calm of the length of the days to come when I realise how +swift have been these days that are past. Half the month is gone, and +Christmas comes in the midst of war. The only thing for me is to adapt +myself entirely to these conditions of existence, and, owing to my union +with you, to gain a degree of acceptance which is of an order higher +than human courage.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>December 21, morning.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">My very dear Mother,</span>—I have told you freely in my letters of +my happiness; but the rock ahead of happiness is that poor humanity is +in perpetual fear of losing it. In spite of all experience, we do not +realise that in the eternal scheme of things a new happiness always +grows at the side of an old one.</p> + +<p>For myself, I have not to look for a new one. I have only to try to +reconcile two wisdoms. One, which is human, prompts me to cultivate my +happiness, but the other teaches me that human happiness is a most +perishable flower.</p> + +<p>We may say: Let us make use of the joys chosen by an upright conscience; +but let us never forget how swiftly these pass.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[Pg 120]</a></span></p> + +<p>Yes, the Holy Scriptures contain the finest and most poetical +philosophy. I think they owe it to their affiliation to the oldest +philosophies. There are many disputable things in Edouard Schuré, but +what remains is the divination which made him climb through all doctrine +to the infinitely distant Source of human wisdom.</p> + +<p>Do you know that those touching traditions of the Good Shepherd and the +Divine Mother, so happily employed in our Christian religions, are the +creations of the oldest symbolism? The Greeks derived them from their +own spiritual ancestors; with them the good shepherd was called Hermes, +the god of the migration of souls. In the same way, the type of our +Madonna is the great Demeter, the mother who bears an infant in her +arms.</p> + +<p>One feels that all religions, as they succeeded each other, transmitted +the same body of symbols, renewed each time by humanity's +perpetually-young spirit of poetry.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>December 23</i> (in the dark).</div> + +<p>I had begun this letter yesterday, when I was forced to leave off. It +was then splendid <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[Pg 121]</a></span>weather, which has lasted fairly well. But we are now +back again in our first lines. This time we are occupying the village +itself, our pretty Corot village of two months ago. But our outpost is +situated in a house where we are obliged to show no sign of life, so as +to conceal our presence from the enemy. And so here we are at nine +o'clock in the morning, in a darkness that would make it seem to be late +on Christmas eve.</p> + +<p>Your dear letter lately received has given me great joy. It is true that +Grace and Inspiration are two names for the same thing.</p> + +<p>If you are going to see the pictures of the great poet Gustave Moreau, +you will see a panel called <i>La vie de l'humanité</i> (I believe). It +consists of nine sections in three divisions, called <i>l'Age d'or, l'Age +d'argent, l'Age de fer</i>. Above is a pediment from which Christ presides +over this human panorama. But this is where this great genius has the +same intuition as you had: each of the three parts bears the name of a +hero—Adam, Orpheus, and Cain, and each one represents three periods. +Now, the periods of the golden age are called Ecstasy, Prayer, and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[Pg 122]</a></span> +Sleep, while the periods of the silver age are called Inspiration, Song, +and Tears.</p> + +<p>Ecstasy is the same as Grace, because the picture shows Adam and Eve in +the purity of their souls, in a scene of flowers, and in the enjoyment +of divine contemplation. The harmony of Nature itself urges them on in +their impulse towards God.</p> + +<p>In the silver age, Inspiration is still Grace, but just beginning to be +complicated by human artifice. The poet Orpheus perpetually contemplates +God, but the Muse is always at his elbow, the symbol of human art is +already born; and that great human manifestation of God, Song, brings +with it grief and tears.</p> + +<p>Following out the cycle and coming to human evil, Gustave Moreau shows +the iron age—Cain condemned to labour and sorrow.</p> + +<p>This work shows that the divine moment may be seized, but is fugitive +and can never remain with man. It explains our failures. People say that +the picture is too literary, but it touches the heart of those who wish +to break through the ice with which all human expression is chilled.</p> + +<p>Undoubtedly Rembrandt was the Poet of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[Pg 123]</a></span>genius <i>par excellence</i>, at the +same time as he was pure Painter. But let us grant that ours is a less +rich time, our temperaments less universal; and let us recognise the +beauty of Gustave Moreau's poem, of which, in two words, you expressed +the spirit.</p> + +<div class='sig'><span class="smcap">Your Son</span>.</div> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>December 24, morning.</i></div> + +<p>Our first day in the outpost passed away in the calm of a country +awaiting snow. It came in the night.</p> + +<p>In the back gardens, which lie in sight of the Germans, I went out to +see it, where it emphasised and ennobled the least of things. Then I +came back to my candle, and I write on a table where my neighbour is +grating chocolate. So that is war.</p> + +<p>Military life has some amusing surprises. We had to come to the first +line before two non-commissioned officers found a bath and could bathe +themselves. As for me, I have made myself a water-jug out of a part of a +75.</p> + +<p>. . . I will not speak of patience, since a reserve of mere patience may +be useless preparation for the unknown quantity. But I must say that the +time goes extremely quickly.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[Pg 124]</a></span></p> + +<p>We spend child-like days; indeed we are children in regard to these +events, and the benefit of this war will have been to restore youth to +the hearts of those who return.</p> + +<p>Dear mother, our village has just had a visit from two shells. Will they +be followed by others? May God help us! The other day they sent us a +hundred and fifteen, to wound one man in the wrist!</p> + +<p>A house in which a section of our company is living is in flames. We +have not seen a soul stirring. We can only hope that it is well with +them.</p> + +<p>I am deeply happy to have lived through these few months. They have +taught me what one can make of one's life, in any circumstances.</p> + +<p>My fellow-soldiers are splendid examples of the French spirit. . . . They +swagger, but their swagger is only the outer form of a deep and +magnificent courage.</p> + +<p>My great fault as an artist is that I am always wanting to clothe the +soul of the race in some beautiful garment painted in my own colours. +And when people irritate me it is that they are soiling these beautiful +robes; <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[Pg 125]</a></span>but, as a matter of fact, they would find them a bad encumbrance +in the way of their plain duty.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>Christmas Morning.</i></div> + +<p>What a unique night!—night without parallel, in which beauty has +triumphed, in which mankind, notwithstanding their delirium of +slaughter, have proved the reality of their conscience.</p> + +<p>During the intermittent bombardments a song has never ceased to rise +from the whole line.</p> + +<p>Opposite to us a most beautiful tenor was declaiming the enemy's +Christmas. Much farther off, beyond the ridges, where our lines begin +again, the <i>Marseillaise</i> replied. The marvellous night lavished on us +her stars and meteors. Hymns, hymns, from end to end.</p> + +<p>It was the eternal longing for harmony, the indomitable claim for order +and beauty and concord.</p> + +<p>As for me, I cherished old memories in meditating on the sweetness of +the Childhood of Christ. The freshness, the dewy youth<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[Pg 126]</a></span>fulness of this +French music, were very moving to me. I remembered the celebrated +<i>Sommeil des Pèlerins</i> and the shepherds' chorus. A phrase which is sung +by the Virgin thrilled me: '<i>Le Seigneur, pour mon fils, a béni cet +asile</i>.' The melody rang in my ears while I was in that little house, +with its neighbour in flames, and itself given over to a precarious +fate.</p> + +<p>I thought of all happinesses bestowed; I thought that you were perhaps +at this moment calling down a blessing upon my abode. The sky was so +lovely that it seemed to smile favourably upon all petition; but what I +want strength to ask for perpetually is consistent wisdom—wisdom which, +human though it may be, is none the less safe from anything that may +assail it.</p> + +<p>The sun is flooding the country and yet I write by candle-light; now and +then I go out into the back gardens to see the sun. All is light, peace +falling from on high upon the deserted country.</p> + +<p>I come back to our room, where the brass of the pretty Meusian beds and +the carved wood of the cupboards shine in the half-light.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[Pg 127]</a></span> All these +things have suffered through the rough use the soldiers put them to, but +we have real comfort here. We have found table-implements and a +dinner-service, and for two days running we made chocolate in a +soup-tureen. Luxury!</p> + +<p>O dear mother, if God allows me the joy of returning, what youth will +this extraordinary time have brought back to me! As I wrote to my friend +P——, I lead the life of a child in the midst of people so simple that +even my rudimentary existence is complicated in comparison with my +surroundings.</p> + +<p>Mother dear, the length of this war tries our power of passive will, but +I feel that everything is coming out as I was able to foresee. I think +that these long spells of inactivity will give repose to the +intellectual machine. If I ever have the happiness of once more making +use of mine, it is sure to take a little time to get moving again, but +with what new vigour! My last work was one of pure thought, and my +ambition, which all things justify, is to give a more plastic form to my +thought as it develops.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[Pg 128]</a></span></p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>Sunday, December 27, 9 o'clock</i> (5th day in the first line).</div> + +<p>It appears that the terrible position, courageously held by us on +October 14th, and immediately lost by our successors, has been retaken, +and 200 metres more, but at the price of a hundred casualties.</p> + +<p>Dear mother, want of sleep robs me of all intelligence. True, one needs +little of that for the general run of existence here, but I should have +liked to speak to you. The only consolation is that our love needs no +expression.</p> + +<p>Very little to tell you. I was quite stupefied by the day's work +yesterday, spent entirely in darkness. From my place I had only a +glimpse of a pretty tree against the sky.</p> + +<p>To-day, in the charming early morning I saw a beautiful and extremely +brilliant star. I had gone to fetch some coal and water, and on the way +back, when daylight had already come, that extraordinary star still +persisted. My corporal, who, like me, was dodging from bush to bush back +to our house, said:<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[Pg 129]</a></span></p> + +<p>'Do you know what that star is? It is the sign for the enemy's patrol to +rally.'</p> + +<p>It was true, and at first I felt outraged at this profanation of the +sky, and then (apart from the ingenuity of the thing) I told myself that +this star meant, for those poor creatures on the other side, that they +could take the direction of safety. I felt less angry about it then. The +sign had given me so much joy as a star that I decided to stick to my +first impression.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>December 30.</i></div> + +<p>Your Christmas letter came last night. Perhaps in this very hour when I +am writing to you, mine of the same day is reaching you. At that time, +in spite of the risk, I was enjoying all the beauty, but to-day I +confess it is poisoned for me by what we hear of the last slaughter.</p> + +<p>On the 26th we were made to remain on duty, in positions occupied only +at night as a rule. Our purely defensive position was lucky that day, +for we were exposed only to slight artillery fire; but on our right a +regiment of our division, in one of the terrible <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[Pg 130]</a></span>emplacements of +October 14th, received an awful punishment, of which the inconclusive +result cost several hundred lives. Here in our great village, where our +kind hostess knew, as we did, the victims, all is sadness.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>Same day.</i></div> + +<p>. . . Nothing attacks the soul. The torture can certainly be very great, +especially the apprehension, but questions coming from the distance can +be silenced by acceptation of what is close. The weather is sweet and +soft, and Nature is indifferent. The dead will not spoil the spring. . . .</p> + +<p>And then, once the horror of the moment is over, when one sees its place +taken by only the memory of those who have gone, there is a kind of +sweetness in the thought of what <i>really exists</i>. In these solemn woods +one realises the inanity of sepulchres and the pomp of funerals. The +souls of the brave have no need of all that. . . .</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>4 o'clock.</i></div> + +<p>I have just finished the fourth portrait, a lieutenant in my company. He +is de<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[Pg 131]</a></span>lighted. Daylight fades. I send you my thoughts, full of +cheerfulness. Hope and wisdom.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>January 3, 1915.</i></div> + +<p>. . . Yesterday, after the first satisfaction of finding myself freed from +manual work, I contemplated my stripes, and I felt some humiliation, +because instead of the great anonymous superiority of the ordinary +soldier which had put me beyond all military valuation, I had now the +distinction of being a low number in military rank!</p> + +<p>But then I felt that each time I looked at my little bits of red wool I +should remember my social duty, a duty which my leaning towards +individualism makes me forget only too often. So I knew I was still free +to cultivate my soul, having this final effort to demand of it.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>January 4, despatched on the 7th</i> (in a mine).</div> + +<p>I am writing to you at the entrance to an underground passage which +leads under the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[Pg 132]</a></span>enemy emplacement. My little job is to look out for the +safety of the sappers, who are hollowing out and supporting and +consolidating an excavation about twelve metres deep already. To get to +this place we have to plunge into mud up to our thighs, but during the +eight hours we spend here we are sheltered by earthworks several metres +thick.</p> + +<p>I have six men, with whom I have led an existence of sleeplessness and +privation for three days: this is the benefit I derive from the joyful +event of my new status; but as a matter of fact I am glad to take part +in these trials again.</p> + +<p>Besides, in a few days the temporary post which I held before may be +given to me altogether. Horrible weather, and to make matters worse, I +burnt an absolutely new boot, and am soaking wet, like the others, but +in excellent health.</p> + +<p>Dear, I am now going to sleep a little.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>January 6, evening.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dear Mother</span>,—Here we are in a billet after seventy-two +consecutive hours without <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[Pg 133]</a></span>sleep, living in a nameless treacly +substance—rain and filth.</p> + +<p>I have had several letters from you, dear beloved mother; the last is +dated January 1. How I love them! But before speaking of them I must +sleep a little.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>January 7, towards mid-day.</i></div> + +<p>This interrupted letter winds up at the police-station, where my section +is on guard. The weather is still horrible. It's unspeakable, this +derangement of our whole existence. We are under water: the walls are of +mud, and the floor and ceiling too.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>January 9.</i></div> + +<p>. . . My consolations fail me in these days, on account of the weather. +This horrible mess lets me see nothing whatever. I close with an ardent +appeal to our love, and in the certainty of a justice higher than our +own. . . .</p> + +<p>Dear mother, as to sending things, I am really in need of nothing. +Penury now is of another kind, but courage, always! Yet is it even sure +that moral effort bears any fruit?<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[Pg 134]</a></span></p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>January 13, morning</i> (in the trench).</div> + +<p>I hope that when you think of me you will have in mind all those who +have left everything behind: their family, their surroundings, their +whole social environment; all those of whom their nearest and dearest +think only in the past, saying, 'We had once a brother, who, many years +ago, withdrew from this world, we know nothing of his fate.' Then I, +feeling that you too have abandoned all human attachment, will walk +freely in this life, closed to all ordinary relations.</p> + +<p>I don't regret my new rank; it has brought me many troubles but a great +deal of experience, and, as a matter of fact, some ameliorations.</p> + +<p>So I want to continue to live as fully as possible in this moment, and +that will be all the easier for me if I can feel that you have brought +yourself to the idea that my present life cannot in any way be lost.</p> + +<p>I did not tell you enough what pleasure the <i>Revues Hebdomadaires</i> gave +me. I found some extracts from that speech on Lamartine which I am +passionately fond of. Circum<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[Pg 135]</a></span>stances led this poet to give to his art +only the lowest place. Life in general closed him round, imposing on his +great heart a more serious and immediate task than that which awaited +his genius.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>January 15</i> (in a new billet), 12.30 <span class="smcap">p.m.</span></div> + +<p>We no longer have any issue whatever in sight.</p> + +<p>My only sanction is in my conscience. We must confide ourselves to an +impersonal justice, independent of any human factor, and to a useful and +harmonious destiny, in spite of the horrors of its form.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>January 17, afternoon</i> (in a billet).</div> + +<p>What shall I say to you on this strange January afternoon, when thunder +is followed by snow?</p> + +<p>Our billet provides us with many commodities, but above all with an +intoxicating beauty and poetry. Imagine a lake in a park sheltered by +high hills, and a castle, or, rather, a splendid country house. We lodge +in the domestic offices, but I don't <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[Pg 136]</a></span>need any wonderful home comforts +to perfect the dream-like existence that I have led here for three days. +Last night we were visited by some singers. We were very far from the +music that I love, but the popular and sentimental tunes were quite able +to replace a finer art, because of the ardent conviction of the singer. +The workman who sang these songs, which were decent, in fact moral (a +rather questionable moral, perhaps, but still a moral), so put his soul +into it that the timbre of his voice was altogether too moving for our +hostesses. Here are the ideal people: perhaps their ideal may be said +not to exist and to be purely negative, but months of suffering have +taught me to honour it.</p> + +<p>I have just seen that Charles Péguy died at the beginning of the war. +How terribly French thought will have been mown down! What surpasses our +understanding (and yet what is only natural) is that civilians are able +to continue their normal life while we are in torment. I saw in the <i>Cri +de Paris</i>, which drifted as far as here, a list of concert programmes. +What a contrast! However, mother dear, the essential thing is to have +known beauty in moments of grace.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[Pg 137]</a></span></p> + +<p>The weather is frightful, but one can feel the coming of spring. At a +time like this nothing can speak of individual hope, only of great +general certainties.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>January 19.</i></div> + +<p>We have been since yesterday in our second line positions; we came to +them in marvellous snow and frost. A furious sky, with charming rosy +colour in it, floated over the visionary forest in the snow; the trees, +limpid blue low down, brown and fretted above, the earth white.</p> + +<p>I have received two parcels; the <i>Chanson de Roland</i> gives me infinite +pleasure—particularly the Introduction, treating of the national epic +and of the Mahabharata which, it seems, tells of the fight between the +spirits of good and evil.</p> + +<p>I am happy in your lovely letters. As for the sufferings which you +forebode for me, they are really very tolerable.</p> + +<p>But what we must recognise, and without shame, is that we are a +<i>bourgeois</i> people. We have tasted of the honey of +civilisation—poisoned honey, no doubt. But no, surely that sweetness is +true, and we should not be <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[Pg 138]</a></span>called upon to make of our ordinary +existence a preparation for violence. I know that violence may be +salutary to us, especially if in the midst of it we do not lose sight of +normal order and calm.</p> + +<p>Order leads to eternal rest. Violence makes life go round. We have, for +our object, order and eternal rest; but without the violence which lets +loose reserves of energy, we should be too inclined to consider order as +already attained. But anticipated order can only be a lethargy which +retards the coming of positive order.</p> + +<p>Our sufferings arise only from our disappointment in this delay; the +coming of true order is too long for human patience. In any case, +however suffering, we would rather not be doers of violence. It is as +when matter in fusion solidifies too quickly and in the wrong shape: it +has to be put to the fire again. This is the part violence plays in +human evolution; but that salutary violence must not make us forget what +our æsthetic citizenship had acquired in the way of perdurable peace and +harmony. But our suffering comes precisely from the fact that we do not +forget it!<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[Pg 139]</a></span></p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>January 20, morning.</i></div> + +<p>Do not think that I ever deprive myself of sleep. In that matter our +regiment is very fitful: one time we sleep for three days and three +nights; another time, the opposite.</p> + +<p>Now Nature gives me her support once more. The frightful spell of rain +is interrupted by fine cold days. We live in the midst of beautiful +frost and snow; the hard earth gives us a firm footing.</p> + +<p>My little grade gets me some solitude. I no longer have my happy walks +by night, but I have them in the day; my exemption from the hardest work +gives me time to realise the beauty of things.</p> + +<p>Yesterday, an unspeakable sunset. A filmy atmosphere, with shreds of +tender colour; underneath, the blue cold of the snow.</p> + +<p>Dear mother, it is a night of home-sickness. These familiar verses came +to me in the peace:</p> + + + +<div class='center'> +<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" summary="Mon enfant"> +<tr><td align='left'>'Mon enfant, ma sœur,</td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: .5em;">Songe à la douceur</span></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: .5em;">D'aller là-bas vivre ensemble</span></td></tr> +<tr><td align='left'><span style="margin-left: .5em;">Au pays qui te ressemble.'</span></td></tr> +</table></div> +<p> +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[Pg 140]</a></span></p> + +<p>Yes, Beaudelaire's <i>Invitation au voyage</i> seemed to take wing in the +exquisite sky. Oh, I was far from war. Well, to return to earthly +things: in coming back I nearly missed my dinner.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>January 20, evening.</i></div> + +<p>Acceptation always. Adaptation to the life which goes on and on, taking +no notice of our little postulations.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>January 21.</i></div> + +<p>We are in our first-line emplacements. The snow has followed us, but +alas, the thaw too. Happily, in this emplacement we don't live in water +as we do in the trenches.</p> + +<p>Can any one describe the grace of winter trees? Did I already tell you +what Anatole France says in the <i>Mannequin d'Osier</i>? He loves their +delicate outlines and their intimate beauty more when they are uncovered +in winter. I too love the marvellous intricate pattern of their branches +against the sky.</p> + +<p>From my post I can see our poor village, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[Pg 141]</a></span>which is collapsing more and +more. Each day shells are destroying it. The church is hollowed out, but +its old charm remains in its ruins; it crouches so prettily between the +two delicately defined hills.</p> + +<p>We were very happy in the second line. That time of snow was really +beautiful and clement. I told you yesterday about the sunset the other +day. And, before that, our arrival in the marvellous woods. . . .</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>January 22.</i></div> + +<p>. . . I have sent you a few verses; I don't know what they are worth, but +they reconciled me to life. And then our last billet was really +wonderful in its beauty. Water running over pebbles . . . vast, limpid +waters at the end of the park. Sleeping ponds, dreaming walks, which +none of this brutality has succeeded in defiling. To-day, sun on the +snow. The beauty of the snow was deeply moving, though certainly we had +some bad days, days on which there was nothing for us but the wretched +mud.</p> + +<p>It seems that we won't be coming back to <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[Pg 142]</a></span>this pretty billet. Evidently +they are making ready for something; the regularity of our winter +existence has come to an end.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>2 o'clock.</i></div> + +<p>Splendid weather, herald of the spring, and we can make the most of it, +because in this place we are allowed to put our noses out of doors.</p> + +<p>I write badly to-day. I can only send you my love. This war is long, and +I can't even speak of patience.</p> + +<p>My only happiness is that during these five and a half months I have so +often been able to tell you that everything was not ugliness. . . .</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>January 23.</i></div> + +<p>. . . As for me, I have no desires left. When my trials are really hard to +bear, I rest content with my own unhappiness, without facing other +things.</p> + +<p>When they become less hard, then I begin to think, to dream, and the +past that is dear to me seems to have that same remote poetry <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[Pg 143]</a></span>which in +happier days drew my thoughts to distant countries. A familiar street, +or certain well-known corners, spring suddenly to my mind—just as in +other days islands of dreams and legendary countries used to rise at the +call of certain music and verse. But now there is no need of verse or +music; the intensity of dear memories is enough.</p> + +<p>I have not even any idea of what a new life could be; I only know that +we are making life here and now.</p> + +<p>For whom, and for what age? It hardly matters. What I do know, and what +is affirmed in the very depths of my being, is that this harvest of +French genius will be safely stored, and that the intellect of our race +will not suffer for the deep cuts that have been made in it.</p> + +<p>Who will say that the rough peasant, comrade of the fallen thinker, will +not be the inheritor of his thoughts? No experience can falsify this +magnificent intuition. The peasant's son who has witnessed the death of +the young scholar or artist will perhaps take up the interrupted work, +be perhaps a link in the chain of evolution which has been for a moment +suspended. This is the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[Pg 144]</a></span>real sacrifice: to renounce the hope of being +the torch-bearer. To a child in a game it is a fine thing to carry the +flag; but for a man, it is enough to know that the flag will yet be +carried. And that is what every moment of great august Nature brings +home to me. Every moment reassures my heart: Nature makes flags out of +anything. They are more beautiful than those to which our little habits +cling. And there will always be eyes to see and cherish the lessons of +earth and sky.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>January 26.</i></div> + +<p>Your dear letter of the 20th reached me last night. You must not be +angry with me if occasionally, as in my letter of the 13th, I lack the +very thing I am always forcing myself to acquire. But I ask you to +consider what can be the thoughts of one who is young, in the fulness of +productiveness, at the hour when life is flowering, if he is snatched +away, and cast upon barren soil where all he has cherished fails him.</p> + +<p>Well, after the first wrench he finds that life has not forsaken him, +and sets to work <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[Pg 145]</a></span>upon the new ungrateful ground. The effort calls for +such a concentration of energy as leaves no time for either hopes or +fears. It is the constant effort at adaptation, and I manage it, except +only in moments of the rebellion (quickly suppressed) of the thoughts +and wishes of the past. But I need my whole strength at times for +keeping down the pangs of memory and accepting what is.</p> + +<p>I was thinking of the sad moments that you too endure, and that was why +I encouraged you to an impersonal idea of our union. I know how strong +you are, and how prepared for this idea. Yes, you are right, we must not +meet the pain half-way. But at times it is difficult to distinguish +between the real suffering that affects us, and that which is only +possible or imminent.</p> + +<p>Mind you notice that <i>I have perfect hope</i> and that I count on +prevailing grace, but, caring more than anything to be an artist, I am +occupied in drawing all the beauty out, in drawing out the utmost +beauty, as quickly as may be, none of us knowing how much time is meted +to us.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[Pg 146]</a></span></p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>January 27, afternoon.</i></div> + +<p>After two bad nights in the billet owing to the lack of straw, the third +night was interrupted by our sudden departure for our emplacement in the +second line.</p> + +<p>Superb weather, frost and sun.</p> + +<p>Great Nature begins again to enfold me, and her voice, which is now +powerful again, consoles me.—But, dear, what a hole in one's existence! +Yes, since my promotion I have lived through moments which, though less +terrible, recalled the first days of September, but with the addition of +many blessings. I accept this new life, with no forecast of the future.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>January 28, in the morning sun.</i></div> + +<p>The hard and splendid weather has this marvellous good—that it leaves +in its great pure sky an open door for poetry. Yes, all that I told you +of that beautiful time of snow came from a heart that was comforted by +such triumphant beauty.</p> + +<p>In the Reviews you send me I have read with pleasure the articles on +Molière, on the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[Pg 147]</a></span> English parliament, on Martainville, and on the +religious questions of 1830. . . .</p> + +<p>Did I tell you that I learnt from the papers of the death of +Hillemacher? That dear friend was killed in this terrible war.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>February 1.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">My very dear Mother</span>,—I have your dear letters of the 26th and +27th; they do bring new life to me.</p> + +<p>Up till now, our first-line emplacement, which this time is in the +village, has been favoured with complete calm, and I have known once +more those hours of grace when Nature consoles me.</p> + +<p>My situation has this special improvement, that the drudgery I do now is +done at the instance of the general good, and no longer at the dictation +of mere routine.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>February 2.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dear Mother</span>,—I go on with this letter in the billet, where the +great worry of accumulated work fills up the void which Melancholy would +make her own.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[Pg 148]</a></span></p> + +<p>Dark days have come upon me, and nothingness seems the end of all, +whereas all that is in my being had assured me of the plenitude of the +universe. Yes, devotion, not to individuals but to the social ideal of +brotherhood, sustains me still. Oh, what a magnificent example is to be +found in Jesus and in the poor. That righteous aristocrat, showing by +His abhorrent task the infinite obligation of altruistic duty, and +teaching, above all, that no return of gratitude should be demanded. . . . +To my experience of men and things I owe this tranquillity of expecting +nothing from any one. Thus duty takes an abstract form, deprived of a +human object.</p> + +<p>An unspeakable sunrise to-day! Another spring draws near. . . . I want to +tell you about our three days in the first line.</p> + +<p>Snow and frost. We went down the slopes leading to our emplacement in +the village. The night was then so beautiful that it moved the heart of +every soldier to see it. I could never say enough about the fine +delicacy of this country. How can I explain to you the chiselled effect, +allied to the dream-like mists, with the moon soaring above? For three +days my night-service <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[Pg 149]</a></span>took me straight to the heart of this purity, +this whiteness.</p> + +<p>Tarnished gold-work of the trees. And, in spite of the mist, many +colours, rose and blue.</p> + +<p>There are hours of such beauty that those who take them to themselves +can hardly die. I was well in front of the first lines, and never did I +feel better protected. This morning, when I came, a pink and green +sunrise over the blue and rosy snow; the open country marked with woods +and covered fields; far off, the distance, in which the silvery Meuse +fades away. O Beauty, in spite of all!</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>February 2.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dear beloved Mother</span>,—Your letter of the 29th has this moment +come to the billet. A nameless day, a day without form, yet a day in +which the spring most mysteriously begins to stir. Warm air in the +lengthening days; a sudden softening, a weakening of Nature. Alas, how +sweet this emotion would be if it could be felt outside this slavery, +but the weakness which comes ordinarily with <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[Pg 150]</a></span>spring only serves here to +make burdens heavier.</p> + +<p>Dear mother, how glad I am to feel the sympathy of those who are far +away. Ah, what sweetness there is!</p> + +<p>I am delighted by the Reviews; in an admirable article on Louis Veuillot +I noticed this phrase: 'O my God, take away my despair and leave my +grief!' Yes, we must not misunderstand the fruitful lesson taught by +grief, and if I return from this war it will most certainly be with a +soul formed and enriched.</p> + +<p>I also read with pleasure the lectures on Molière, and in him, as +elsewhere, I have viewed again the solitude in which the highest souls +wander. But I owe it to my old sentimental wounds never to suffer again +through the acts of others. My dearly loved mother, I will write to you +better to-morrow.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>February 4.</i></div> + +<p>Last night, on coming back to the barn, drunkenness, quarrels, cries, +songs and yells. Such is life!. . . But when morning came and the wakening +from sleep still brought <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[Pg 151]</a></span>me memories of this, I got up before the time, +and found outside a friendly moon, and the great night taking wing, and +a dawn which had pity on me. The blessed spring day gilds everything and +scatters its promises and hopes.</p> + +<p>Dear, I was reflecting on Tolstoi's title, <i>War and Peace</i>. I used to +think that he wanted to express the antithesis of these two states, but +now I ask myself if he did not connect these two contraries in one and +the same folly—if the fortunes of humanity, whether at war or at peace, +were not equally a burden to his mind. By all means let us keep faithful +to our efforts to be good; but in spite of ourselves we take this +precept a little in the sense of the placards: 'Be good to animals.' How +hard it is, in the midst of daily duties, to keep guard upon oneself.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>February 5.</i></div> + +<p>A sleepless night. Hateful return to the barn. Such a fearful row that +the corporals had to complain. Punishments.</p> + +<p>In the morning, on the march, and, in order to rest us, work to-night!<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[Pg 152]</a></span></p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>February 6.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">My dear beloved Mother</span>,—After the sleepless night in our +billet, we had to supply a working-party all the following night. So I +have been sleeping up till the very moment of writing to you. Sleep and +Night are refuges which give life still one attraction.</p> + +<p>Mother dear, I am living over again the lovely legend of Sarpedon; and +that exquisite flower of Greek poetry really gives me comfort. If you +will read this passage of the <i>Iliad</i> in my beautiful translation by +Lecomte de l'Isle, you will see that Zeus utters in regard to destiny +certain words in which the divine and the eternal shine out as nobly as +in the Christian Passion. He suffers, and his fatherly heart undergoes a +long battle, but finally he permits his son to die, and Hypnos and +Thanatos are sent to gather up the beloved remains.</p> + +<p>Hypnos—that is Sleep. To think that I should come to that, I for whom +every waking hour was a waking joy, I for whom every moment of action +was a thrill of pride. I catch myself longing for the escape of Sleep +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[Pg 153]</a></span>from the tumult that besets me. But the splendid Greek optimism shines +out as in those vases at the Louvre. By the two, Hypnos and Thanatos, +Sarpedon is lifted to a life beyond his human death; and assuredly Sleep +and Death do wonderfully magnify and continue our mortal fate.</p> + +<p>Thanatos—that is a mystery, and it is a terror only because the urgency +of our transitory desires makes us misconceive the mystery. But read +over again the great peaceful words of Maeterlinck in his book on death, +words ringing with compassion for our fears in the tremendous passage of +mortality.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>February 7.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Most dear and most beloved</span>,—I have your splendid letter of the +first. Please don't hesitate to write what you think I would call mere +chatter. Your love and the absolute identity of our two hearts appear in +all your letters. And that is all I really care for. Yet they tell me a +thousand things that interest me too.</p> + +<p>We are living through hours of heavy <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[Pg 154]</a></span>labour. My rank gives me respite +now and then; but for the men it means five nights at a time without +sleep, and this repeatedly.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>February 9.</i></div> + +<p>Another breathing-space in which, almost at my last gasp, I get a brief +peace. The little reviving breath comes again. I have had the good luck +to be appointed corporal on guard in delightful quarters, where I am in +command. Perfect spring weather. And what can I say of this Nature? +Never before have I so fully felt her amplitude of life. Hours and +seasons following one another surely, infallibly, unalterably, in +unchanging unity; the looker-on has a glimpse of the immensity of the +force that first set them afoot.</p> + +<p>I had often known the delight of watching the nearer coming of a season, +but it had not before been given to me to live in that delight moment by +moment. It is so that one learns, without the help of any kind of +science, a certain intuition, vague perhaps, but altogether +indisputable, of the Absolute. There was a man of science, possibly a +great <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[Pg 155]</a></span>one, who declared that he had not discovered God under his +scalpel. What a shocking mistake for an able mind to make! Where was the +need of a scalpel, when the joy and the thrill of our senses are +all-sufficient to convince us of the purpose commanding our whole +evolution? The poet watches the coming of the seasons as it were great +ships that will, he knows, set sail again. At times the storm may delay +them, but at their next coming they will bring with them the rich +fragrance of the unknown coasts. A season coming again to our own shores +seems to bring us delights which it has learnt by long travel.</p> + +<p>Ah, dearest mother, if one could have again a retreat for the soul! O +solitude, for those worthy to possess it! How seldom is it inviolate!</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>February 11.</i></div> + +<p>It may possibly be a great intended privilege for our generation to be a +witness of these horrors, but what a terrible price to pay! Well, faith, +eternal faith, is over all. Faith in an evolution, an Order, beyond our +human patience.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[Pg 156]</a></span></p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>February 11</i> (2nd day in the front line).</div> + +<p>In such hours as these one must perforce take refuge in the extra-human +principle of sacrifice; it is impossible for mere humanity to go +further.</p> + +<p>Let go all poor human hope. Seek something beyond; perhaps you have +already found it. As for me, I feel myself to be unworthy in such days +to be anything more than a memory. I picked some flowers in the mud. +Keep them in remembrance of me.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>5 o'clock.</i></div> + +<p>Courage through all, courage in spite of all.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>February 13</i> (4th day in the front line).</div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Beloved</span>,—After the days of tears and of rebellion of the heart +that have so shaken me, I pull myself together again to say 'Thy will be +done.' So, according to the power and the measure of my faculties, I +would be he who to the very end never despaired of his share in the +building of the Temple. I would be the workman who, knowing full <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[Pg 157]</a></span>well +that his scaffolding will give way and who has no hope of safety, goes +on with his stone-carving of decoration on the cathedral front. +Decoration. I am not one who will ever be able to lift the blocks of +stone. But there are others for that job. Yes, I am getting back into a +little quiet thinking. The equable tranquillity I had hoped for is not +yet mine; but I have occasional glimpses of that region of peace and +light in which all things, even our love, is renewed and transfigured.</p> + +<p>I am now at the foot of a peaked hill where Nature has brought the +loveliest lines of design together. Man is hunting man, and in a moment +they will be locked in fight. Meanwhile the lark is rising.</p> + +<p>Even as I write, a strange serenity possesses me. +Something—extraordinary comfort. Be it a human quality, be it a +revelation from on high. All around me men are asleep.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>February 14</i> (5th day in the front line).</div> + +<p>All is movement about us; we too are afoot. Even as the inevitable takes +shape, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[Pg 158]</a></span>peace revisits my heart at last. My beloved country is defiled +by these detestable preparations of battle; the silence is rent by the +preliminary gun-fire; man succeeds for a time in cancelling all the +beauty of the world. But I think it will even yet find a place of +refuge. For twenty-four hours now I have been my own self.</p> + +<p>Dear mother, I was wrong to think so much of my 'tower of ivory.' What +we too often take for a tower of ivory is nothing more than an old +cheese where a hermit rat has made his house.</p> + +<p>Rather, may a better spirit move me to gratitude for the salutary shocks +that tossed me out of too pleasant a place of peace; let us be thankful +for the dispensation which, during certain hours—hours far apart but +never to be forgotten—made a man of me.</p> + +<p>No, no, I will not mourn over my dead youth. It led me by steep and +devious ways to the tablelands where the mists that hung over +intelligence are no more.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>February 16.</i></div> + +<p>In these latter days I have passed through certain hours, made decisive +hours for me by <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[Pg 159]</a></span>the visibility of great and universal problems. We have +now been for five days in the front line, with exceedingly hard work, +hampered by the terrible mud. As our days have followed each other, and +as my own struggle against the frightful sadness of my soul continued, +the military situation was growing more tense, and the preparation for +action was pushing on. Then came the announcement of the order of +attack. There was only a day left—perhaps two days. It was then I wrote +you two letters, I think those of the 13th and 14th; and really, as I +was writing, I had within my heart such a plenitude of conviction, such +a sweetness of feeling, as give incontrovertible assurance of the +reality of the beautiful and the good. The bombardment of our position +was violent; but nothing that man can do is able to stifle or silence +what Nature has to say to the human soul.</p> + +<p>One night, between the 14th and the 15th, we were placed in trenches +that were raked by machine-guns. Our men were so exhausted that they +were obliged to give place to another battalion. We were waiting in the +wet and the cold of night when suddenly <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[Pg 160]</a></span>the notice came that we were +relieved. We could not tell why. But we are here again in this village, +where the men deluge their poor hearts with wine. I am in the midst of +them.</p> + +<p>Dear mother, if there is one thing absolute in human feeling, it is +pain. I had lived hitherto in the contemplation of the interesting +relations of different emotions, losing sight of the price, the +intrinsic value, of life itself. But now I know what is essential life. +It is that which clears the soul's way to the Absolute. But I suffered +less in that time of waiting than I am suffering now from certain +companionships.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>February 16, 9 o'clock.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dear beloved Mother</span>,—I was at dinner when they came to tell me +we were off. I knew it would be so; the counter-orders that put off the +attack cost us the march of forty kilometres in addition to the fatigues +we had to undergo in the first line. As we were leaving our sector I +noticed the arrival of such a quantity of artillery that I knew well +enough the pause was at an end. But the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[Pg 161]</a></span>soul has its own peace. It is +frosty weather, with a sky full of stars.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>February 19</i> (sent off in the full swing of battle).</div> + +<p>One word only. We are in the hands of God. Never, never, have we so +needed the wisdom of confidence. Death prevails, but it does not reign. +Life is still noble. Friends of mine killed and wounded yesterday and +the day before. Dearest, our messengers may be greatly delayed.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>February 22.</i></div> + +<p>We are in billets after the great battle. And this time I saw it all. I +did my duty; I knew that by the feeling of my men for me. But the best +are dead. Bitter loss. This heroic regiment. We gained our object. Will +write at more length.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>February 22</i> (1st day in billet).</div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dear beloved Mother</span>,—I will tell you about the goodness of +God, and the horror of these things. The heaviness of heart that weighed +me down this month and a half past <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[Pg 162]</a></span>was for the coming anguish to be +undergone in these last twenty days.</p> + +<p>We reached the scene of action on the 17th. The preparation ceased to +interest me; I was all expectation of the event. It broke out at three +o'clock: the explosion of seven mines under the enemy's trenches. It was +like a distant thunder. Next, five hundred guns created the hell into +which we leapt.</p> + +<p>Night was coming on when we established ourselves in the positions we +had taken. All that night I was actively at work for the security of our +men, who had not suffered much. I had to cover great tracts, over which +were scattered the wounded and the dead of both sides. My heart yearned +over them, but I had nothing better than words to give them. In the +morning we were driven, with serious loss, back to our previous +positions, but in the evening we attacked again; we retook our whole +advance; here again I did my duty. In my advance I got the sword of an +officer who surrendered; after that I placed my men for guarding our +ground. The captain ordered me to his side, and I gave him the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[Pg 163]</a></span>plan of +our position. He was telling me of his decision to have me mentioned, +when he was killed before my eyes.</p> + +<p>Briefly, under the frightful fire of those three days, I organised and +kept going the work of supplying cartridges; in this job five of my men +were wounded. Our losses are terrible; those of the enemy greater still. +You cannot imagine, beloved mother, what man will do against man. For +five days my shoes have been slippery with human brains, I have walked +among lungs, among entrails. The men eat, what little they have to eat, +at the side of the dead. Our regiment was heroic; we have no officers +left. They all died as brave men. Two good friends—one of them a fine +model of my own for one of my last pictures—are killed. That was one of +the terrible incidents of the evening. A white body, splendid under the +moon! I lay down near him. The beauty of things awoke again for me.</p> + +<p>At last, after five days of horror that lost us twelve hundred men, we +were ordered back from the scene of abomination.</p> + +<p>The regiment has been mentioned in despatches.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[Pg 164]</a></span></p> + +<p>Dear mother, how shall I ever speak of the unspeakable things I have had +to see? But how shall I ever tell of the certainties this tempest has +made clear to me? Duty; effort.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>February 23.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dearest beloved Mother</span>,—A second day in billets. To-morrow we +go to the front. Darling, I can't write to-day. Let us draw ever nearer +to the eternal, let us remain devoted to our duty. I know how your +thoughts fly to meet mine, and I turn mine towards the happiness of +wisdom. Let us take courage; let me be brave among these young dead men, +and be you brave in readiness. God is over us.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>February 26</i> (a splendid afternoon).</div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dear Mother</span>,—Here we are again upon the battlefield. We have +climbed the hill from which it would be better to praise the glory of +God than to condemn the horrors of men. Innumerable dead at the +setting-out of our march; but they grow fewer, leaving here and there +some poor stray body, the <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[Pg 165]</a></span>colour of clay—a painful encounter. Our +losses are what are called 'serious' in despatches.</p> + +<p>At all events I can assure you that our men are admirable and their +resignation is heroic. All deplore this infamous war, but nearly all +feel that the fulfilment of a hideous duty is the one only thing that +justifies the horrible necessity of living at such a time as this.</p> + +<p>Dear mother, I cannot write more. The plain is settling to sleep under +colours of violet and rose. How can things be so horrible?</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>February 28</i> (in a billet).</div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dear beloved Mother, and dear beloved Grandmother</span>,—I am +writing to you, having just struggled out of a most appalling nightmare, +and out of Dantesque scenes that I have lived through. Things that +Gustave Doré had the courage to picture through the text of the <i>Divina +Commedia</i> have come to pass, with all the variety and circumstance of +fact. In the midst of labours that happily tend to deaden one's +feelings, I have been able to gather the better fruits of pain.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[Pg 166]</a></span></p> + +<p>On the 24th, in the evening, we returned to our positions, from which +the more hideous of the traces of battle had been partly removed. Only a +few places were still scattered with fragments of men that were taking +on the semblance of that clay to which they were returning. The weather +was fine and cold, and the heights we had gained brought us into the +very sky. The immensities appeared only as lights: the higher light, a +brilliance of stars; the lower light, a glow of fires. The frightful +bombardment with which the Germans overwhelm us is really a waste of +fireworks.</p> + +<p>I lay in a dug-out from which I could follow the moon, and watch for +daybreak. Now and again a shell crumbled the soil about me, and deafened +me; then silence came again upon the frozen earth. I have paid the +price, I have paid dearly, but I have had moments of solitude that were +full of God.</p> + +<p>I really think I have tried to adapt myself to my work, for, as I told +you, I am proposed for the rank of sergeant and for mention in +despatches. Ah, but, dearest mother, this war is long, too long for men +who had something else to do in the world! What <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[Pg 167]</a></span>you tell me of the kind +feeling there is for me in Paris gives me pleasure; but—am I not to be +brought out of this for a better kind of usefulness? Why am I so +sacrificed, when so many others, not my equals, are spared? Yet I had +something worth doing to do in the world. Well, if God does not intend +to take away this cup from me, His will be done.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>March 3</i> (in a billet).</div> + +<p>This is the fourth day of rest, for me almost a holiday time. Rather a +sad holiday, I own; it reminds me of certain visits to Marlotte. These +days have been spent in attempts to recover from physical fatigue and +moral weariness, and in the filling up of vacant hours. Still, a kind of +holiday, a halt rather, giving one time to arrange one's impressions, so +long confused by the violence of action.</p> + +<p>I have been stupefied by the noise of the shells. Think—from the French +side alone forty thousand have passed over our heads, and from the +German side about as many, with this difference, that the enemy shells +burst right upon us. For my own part, I <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[Pg 168]</a></span>was buried by three 305 shells +at once, to say nothing of the innumerable shrapnel going off close by. +You may gather that my brain was a good deal shaken. And now I am +reading. I have just read in a magazine an article on three new novels, +and that reading relieved many of the cares of battle.</p> + +<p>I have received a most beautiful letter from André, who must be a +neighbour of mine out here. He thinks as I do about our dreadful war +literature. What does flourish is a faculty of musical improvisation. +All last night I heard the loveliest symphonies, fully orchestral; and I +am bound to say that they owed their best to the great music that is +Germany's.</p> + +<p>After my experiences I must really let myself go a little in the +pleasure of this furtive sun of March.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>March 5</i> (6th day in billets).</div> + +<p>I wish I could recover in myself the extreme sensibilities I felt before +the fiery trial, so that I might describe for you the colours and the +aspects of the drama we have passed through. But just now I am in a +state of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[Pg 169]</a></span>numbness, pleasant enough in itself, yet apt to hinder my +vision of things present and my forecasts of things to come. I have to +make an effort to keep hold of eternal and essential things; perhaps I +shall succeed in time.</p> + +<p>And yet certain sights on the wasted field of war had so noble a lesson, +a teaching so persuasive, that I should love to share with you the great +certainties of those days. How harmonious is death within the natural +soil, how admirable is the manner of man's return to the substance of +his mother earth, compared with the poverty of funeral ceremonial! +Yesterday I thought of those poor dead as forsaken things. But I had +been present at the burial of an officer, and it seems to me that Nature +is more compassionate than man. Yes indeed, the soldier's death is close +to natural things. It is a frank horror, a horror that does not attempt +to cheat the law of violence. I often passed close to bodies that were +gradually passing into the clay, and their change seemed more comforting +than the cold and unchanging aspect of the tombs of town cemeteries. +From our life in the open we have gained a freedom of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[Pg 170]</a></span>conception, an +amplitude of thought and of habit, which will for ever make cities +horrible and artificial to those who survive the war.</p> + +<p>Dear mother, I write but ill of things that I have greatly felt. Let us +seek refuge in the peace of spring and in the treasure of the present +moment.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>March 7, half-past ten.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dear beloved Mother</span>,—I am filling up the idleness of this +morning. I am rejoicing in the clear waters of the Meuse that give life +to dales and gardens. The play of the current over weeds and pebbles +makes a soothing sight for my tired eyes, and expresses the calm life of +this big village that is sheltered by the Meuse hills. The church here +is thronged with soldiers who possess, as I do, a definite intuition of +the Ideal, but who seek it by more stated and less immediate means.</p> + +<p>I am to board for a fortnight in the house in which, nearly two months +ago, our joyous company used to meet. To-day I have seen the tears of +these same friends, weeping to hear of the wounded and the dead.</p> + +<p>I received your sleeping-sack, which is <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[Pg 171]</a></span>quite right. I am worried with +rheumatism, which has spoilt many of my nights in billets these two +months past.</p> + +<p>Darling mother, here is a calm in the noise of that barrack-life which +must now be ours. As there are none here but non-commissioned officers, +they are all ordered to hard jobs, and I shall renew my acquaintance +with brooms and burdens. We have been warned; we shall have to work with +our hands. And so we learn to direct others.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>March 7</i> (another letter).</div> + +<p>Soft weather after rain. Bells in the evening; flowing waters singing +under the bridges; trees settling to sleep.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>March 11.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Darling Mother</span>,—I have nothing to say about my life, which is +filled up with manual labour. At moments perhaps some image appears, +some memory rises. I have just read a fine article by Renan on the +origins of the Bible. I found it in a <i>Revue des Deux Mondes</i> of 1886. +If later I can remember something of it, I may be able to put my very +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[Pg 172]</a></span>scattered notions on that matter into better order.</p> + +<p>I feel as though I were recovering from typhoid fever. What I chiefly +enjoy is water; the running and the sleeping waters of the Meuse. The +springs play on weeds and pebbles. The ponds lie quiet under great +trees. Streams and waterfalls. On the steep hillsides the snow looks +brilliant and visionary. I live in all these things without forms of +words. And I am rather ashamed to be vegetating, though I think all must +pass through this phase, just removed from the hell of the front. I eat, +and when my horrid rheumatism allows, I sleep.</p> + +<p>Don't be angry with my inferiority. I feel as though my armour had been +taken off. Well, I can't help it.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>5 o'clock.</i></div> + +<p>I am a good deal tired by drill. But the fine air of the Meuse keeps me +in health. Dear mother, I wish I might always seek all that is noble and +good. I wish I might always feel within myself the inspiration that +urges towards the true treasures of life. But alas! just now I have a +mind of lead.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[Pg 173]</a></span></p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>March 14, Sunday morning, in the Sabbath peace.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dearest Mother</span>,—Your good, life-giving letters have come at +last, after my long privation, the price I paid for my enjoyment of +rest. The pretty town is waking in the haze of the river, the waters +hurry over their clean stones. All things have that look of moderation +and charming finish that is characteristic of this part of the country.</p> + +<p>I read a little, but I am so overtired by the physical exertion to which +we are compelled, that I fall asleep on the instant. We are digging +trenches and trenches.</p> + +<p>Dear mother, to go back to those wonderful times of the end of February, +I must repeat that my memory of them is something like that of an +experiment in science. I had conceived violence under a theoretic +formula; I had divined its part in the worlds. But I had not yet +witnessed its actual practice, except in infinitely small examples. And +now at last violence was displayed before me on such a scale that my +whole faculty of receptiveness was called upon to face it.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[Pg 174]</a></span> Well, it was +interesting; and I may tell you that I never relaxed from my attitude of +cool and impersonal watchfulness. What I had kept about me of my own +individuality was a certain visual perceptiveness that caused me to +register the setting of things, a setting that dramatised itself as +'artistically' as in any stage-management. During all those minutes I +never relaxed in my resolve to see 'how it was.'</p> + +<p>I was very happy to find that the 'intoxication of slaughter' never had +any possession of me. I hope it will always be so. Unfortunately, +contact with the German race has for ever spoilt my opinion of those +people. I cannot quite succeed in quelling a sensibility and a +humanitarianism that I know to be misplaced, and that would make me the +dupe of a treacherous enemy; but I have come to tolerate things which I +had held in abomination as the very negation of life.</p> + +<p>I have seen the French soldier fight. He is terrible in action, and +after action magnanimous. That is the phrase. It is a very common +commonplace; our greatest writers and the humblest of our schoolboys +have trotted it out alike; and now my decadent <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[Pg 175]</a></span>ex-intellectualism finds +nothing better to say at the sight of the soul of the Frenchman.</p> + + +<div class='center'><br /><br /> +To Madame de L.<br /> +</div> + +<div class='date'><i>March 14, 1915.</i></div> + +<p>My mother has told me of the new trial that has just come upon you. +Truly life is crushing for some souls. I know your fortitude, and I know +that you are only too well used to sorrow; but how much I wish that you +had been spared this blow! My mother had written to me of the lack of +any news of Colonel B., and she was anxious. It is the grief of those +dear to us that troubles us out here. But there is in the sight of a +soldier's death a lesson of greatness and of immortality that arms our +hearts; and our desire is that our beloved ones might share it with us. +Be sure that the Colonel's example will bear magnificent fruit. I know, +for I have seen it, what heroism transfigures the soldier whose leader +has fallen.</p> + +<p>As for myself, the time has been rife with tragedies; throughout I have +tried to do my duty.</p> + +<p>I saw all my superior officers killed, and the whole regiment decimated. +There can <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[Pg 176]</a></span>be no more human hope for those who are cast into this +furnace. I place myself in the hands of God, asking of Him that He would +keep me in such a state of heart and soul as may enable me to enjoy and +love in His creation all the beauty that man has not yet denied and +concealed.</p> + +<p>All else has lost proportion in my life.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>March 15</i> (a post-card).</div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dear beloved Mother</span>,—I suppose that by now you know my good +fortune in getting this platoon. Whatever God intends for me, this halt +has given me the opportunity of regaining possession of myself, and of +preparing myself to accept whatever may befall me. I send you my love +and the union of our hearts in the face of fate.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>March 17.</i></div> + +<p>A charming morning. A white sun swathing itself in mist, the fine +outlines of trees on the heights, and the great spaces in light. It is a +pause full of good luck. The other day, reading an old <i>Revue des Deux +Mondes</i> of 1880, I came upon an excellent article as one might come upon +a noble palace with vaulted <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[Pg 177]</a></span>roof and decorated walls. It was on Egypt, +and was signed George Perrot.</p> + +<p>Yesterday my battalion left these billets. I am obliged to stay behind +for my instruction as sergeant. How thankful I am for this respite, +laborious as it is, that gives me a chance of recovering what I care for +most—a clear mind, and a heart open to the spirit of Nature.</p> + +<p>I forgot to tell you that a day or two ago, during the storm, I saw the +cranes coming home towards evening. A lull in the weather allowed me to +hear their cry. To think how long it is since I saw them take flight +from here! It was at the beginning of the winter, and they left +everything the sadder for their going. And now it was for me like the +coming of the dove to the ark; not that I deceived myself as to the +dangers that had not ceased, but that these ambassadors of the air +brought me a visible assurance of the universal peace beyond our human +strife.</p> + +<p>And yesterday the wild geese made for the north. They flew in various +order, tracing regular formations in the sky; and then they disappeared +over the horizon like a floating ribbon.</p> + +<p>I am much gratified by M.C.'s apprecia<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[Pg 178]</a></span>tion. I always had a love of +letters, even as a child, and I am only sorry that the break in my +education, brought about by myself, leaves so many blanks. I keep, +however, throughout all changes and chances, the faculty of gleaning to +right and left some fallen grain. Of course, as I leave out the future, +I say nothing of my wish to be introduced to him in happier times—that +is out of our department just now.</p> + +<p>I have written to Madame L. It is the last blow for her. The fate of +some of us is as it were a medal on which are struck the image and +superscription of sorrow. Adversity has worked so well that there is no +room for any symbol of joy. But I think that this dedication of a life +to grief is not unaccompanied by a secret compensation in the conviction +that misfortune is at last complete; it is something to reach the +high-water mark of the waters of sorrow. The fate of such sufferers +seems to me to be an outpost showing others whence tribulation +approaches.</p> + +<p>Day by day a new crop is raised in the little military burial-ground +here. And, over all, the triumphant spring.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[Pg 179]</a></span></p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>March 20.</i></div> + +<p>Our holiday is coming to an end in sweetness, while all is tumult and +carnage not far off. I think the regiment has had a long march.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>March 20.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dear beloved Mother</span>,—After so many graces granted me, I ought +to have more confidence, and I intend to do my best to give myself +wholly into the hands of God; but these are hard times. I have just +heard of the death, among many others, of the friend whose bed I shared +in our billet. He had just been appointed Second Lieutenant. Mother +dear: Love. That is the only human feeling we may cherish now.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>March 21.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dear Grandmother</span>,—As the day of trial draws near I send you +all my love. I can do no more. We are probably called upon to make such +a sacrifice as forbids us to dwell upon our ties. Let us pray that the +certitude of Goodness and Beauty may not fail us when we suffer.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[Pg 180]</a></span></p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>March 21, Sunday, with lovely sunshine.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dear beloved Mother</span>,—I think that we may be kept here one day +more, and that we shall leave on Tuesday. I don't know where I shall +rejoin my battalion, or in what state I shall find it, for the action +seems to be violent and long. Rumours are very contradictory as to our +gains. But all agree as to the large number of casualties. We can hear a +tremendous cannonade, and the good weather no doubt induces the command +on both sides to move.</p> + +<p>I should have wished to say many things about the noble Nature that +surrounds us with its glory, but my thoughts are gone on in advance, +there where the sun does not see men gathered together to honour him, +but shines only upon their hatred, and where the moon, too, looks upon +treachery and anguish.</p> + +<p>The other day, overlooking this great prospect of earth welcoming the +spring, I remembered the joy I once had to be a man. And now to be a +man——</p> + +<p>Our neighbour regiment, that of R.L., <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[Pg 181]</a></span>has returned with a few of its +companies reduced to some two-score men.</p> + +<p>I dare not now speak of hope. The grace for which one may still pray is +a complete sense of what beauty the passing hour can still yield us. It +is a new manner of 'living one's life' that literature had not foreseen.</p> + +<p>Dear Grandmother, how well your tenderness has served to keep me up in +my time of trial.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>March 22.</i></div> + +<p>A splendid sun; looking on it one is amazed to see the world at war. +Spring has come in triumph. It has surprised mankind in the act of +hatred, in the act of outrage upon creation. The despatches tell us +little, fortunately, of what is happening.</p> + +<p>Being now these twenty-one days away from the front, I find it difficult +to re-accustom myself to the thought of the monstrous things going on +there. Indeed, dear mother, I know that your life and mine have had but +one object, one aim, and that even in the time we are passing through, +we have never lost sight of it, but have constantly tried to draw +nearer.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[Pg 182]</a></span></p> + +<p>Therefore our lives may not have been altogether useless. This is the +only thought to comfort an ambitious soul—to forecast the influence and +the consequences of its acts.</p> + +<p>I believe that if longer life had been granted me I should never have +relaxed in my purpose. Having no certainty but that of the present, I +have tried to put myself to the best use.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>March 25.</i></div> + +<p>Here I am living this life in the earth again. I found the very hole +that I left last month. Nothing has been done while I was away; a +formidable attack was attempted, but it failed. The regiments ordered to +engage had neither our dash nor our perfect steadiness under fire. They +succeeded only in getting themselves cut to pieces, and in bringing upon +us the most atrocious bombardment that ever was. It seems the action +before this was nothing to be compared with it. My company lost a great +many men by the aerial bombs. These projectiles measure a metre in +height and twenty-seven centimetres in diameter; they describe a high +curve, and fall vertically, exploding in the narrowest <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[Pg 183]</a></span>passages. We are +several metres deep underground. Pleasant weather. At night we go to the +surface for our hard work.</p> + +<p>Dearest, I wanted to say a heap of things about our joys, but some of +them are best left quiet, unawakened. All coarse, common pleasure would +frighten them away—they might die.</p> + +<p>I am writing again after a sleep. We get all the sleep we can in our +dug-outs.</p> + +<p>I had a pile of thoughts that fatigue prevents my putting in order; but +I remember that I evoked Beethoven. I am now precisely at the age he had +reached when disaster came upon him; and I admired his great example, +his energies at work in spite of suffering. The impediment must have +seemed to him as grave as what is before me seems to us; but he +conquered. To my mind Beethoven is the most magnificent of human +translations of the creative Power.</p> + +<p>I am writing badly, for I am still asleep.</p> + +<p>How easy, how kind were all the circumstances of my return! I left the +house alone, but passing a battery of artillery I was accosted by the +non-commissioned officers with offers of the most friendly hospitality. +The <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[Pg 184]</a></span>artillery are devoted to the Tenth, for we defend them; and as the +good fellows are not even exposed to the rain they pity us exceedingly.</p> + +<p>I must close abruptly, loving you for your courage that so sustains me. +Whatever happens, I have recovered joy. The night I came was so lovely!</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>March 26.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dearly beloved Mother</span>,—Nothing new in our position; the +organising goes on. Interesting but not easy work. The fine weather +prospers it. Now and again our pickaxes come upon a poor dead man whom +the war harasses even in his grave.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>March 28</i> (on the heights; a grey Sunday; weather broken by +yesterday's bombardment).</div> + +<p>We are again in full fight. A great attack from our side has repeated +the carnage of last week. My company, which was cut up in the last +assault, was spared this time; we had nothing to do but occupy a sector +of <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[Pg 185]</a></span>the defence. So we got only the splashes of the fighting.</p> + +<p>On the loveliest Saturday of this spring I had a distant view of the +battle; I saw the crawling beast that a battalion looks like, twisting +as it advances under the smoke of the guns. The <i>chasseurs à pied</i> go +forward in spite of the machine-guns and of the bombardment, French and +German. These fine fellows did what they had to do in spite of all, and +have made amends for the check we had last week when our attack was a +failure.</p> + +<p>For a month past I have been living Raffet's lithographs, with this +difference, that in his time one could be an eyewitness in comparative +safety at the distance where I stood, for the guns of those days did not +shoot far. But I saw fine things in that great plain beneath our +heights; a hundred thousand fires of bursting shells. And the +<i>chasseurs</i> climbing, climbing.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>Sunday, March 28</i> (2nd letter).</div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dear Mother</span>,—Radiant weather rose this morning. I have been a +long way over <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[Pg 186]</a></span>our sector, and now the bombardment begins again, and +grows.</p> + +<p>And still I turn my thoughts to hope. Whatever happens, I pray for +wisdom for you and for me.</p> + +<p>Dearest, I feel at times how easy it would be to turn again to those +pursuits that were once the charm and the interest of my life. At times +I catch myself, in this lovely spring, so bent upon painting that I +could mourn because I paint no more. But I compel myself to master all +the resources of my will and to keep them to the difficult straits of +this life.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>April 1.</i></div> + +<p>A sun that lays bare the lovely youth of the spring. The stream of the +Meuse runs through this rich and comely village, which the echoes of the +cannonade reach only as a dull thud, their meaning lost.</p> + +<p>We have had to change again, as the reinforcements are arriving in such +numbers that our places are wanted; and it is always our regiment that +has to turn out.</p> + +<p>But to-day all is freshness and light. The great rich plain that is +edged by the Meuse <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[Pg 187]</a></span>uplands has its distance all invested in the +tenderest silver tones.</p> + +<p>I am pleased with Gabrielle's letter; it shows me what things will be +laid upon the heart of France when these events are at an end. A +touching letter from Pierre, cured at last of his terrible wound. A +splendid letter from Grandmother. How she longs for our meeting again! I +cannot speak of it.</p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<p>I finish this letter by the waterside, recalling with delight the joys I +used to have in painting. Before me are the sparkling rays of spring.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>April 3</i> (post-card).</div> + +<p>Only a word from the second line. We are in the spring woods. Sun and +rain at play in the sky. Courage through all.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>April 3</i> (2nd letter).</div> + +<p>I wish I had written you better letters in these days, every minute of +which has been sweet to me, even when we were in the front line. But I +confess that I was satisfied just to let myself live in the beauty of +the days, <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[Pg 188]</a></span>serene days in spite of the clamours of war. We know nothing +of what is to happen. But there is more movement—coming and going. +Shall we have to bear the shock again?</p> + +<p>Think what it was for us when we were last in the front line, to have to +spend whole days in the dug-out that the odious bombardment had +compelled us to hollow out of the hillside ten metres deep. There, in +complete darkness, night was awaited for the chance to get out. But once +my fellow non-commissioned officers and I began humming the nine +symphonies of Beethoven. I cannot tell what thrill woke those notes +within us. They seemed to kindle great lights in the cave. We forgot the +Chinese torture of being unable to lie, or sit, or stand.</p> + +<p>The life of a sergeant in billets is really quite pleasant. But I take +no advantage. As to the front, I hope Providence will give me strength +of heart to do my duty there to the very end. A good friend of mine, who +was my section-chief, has been appointed adjutant to our company. This +is all trivial enough; but, dearest, I am in a rather feeble state; I +was not well after the events of last month. So I let myself glide over +the gentle <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[Pg 189]</a></span>slopes of my life. Suppose one comes to skirt a precipice? +May Providence keep us away from the edge!</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>April 4.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Darling Mother</span>,—A time of anxious waiting, big with the menace +of near things. Meanwhile, however, idleness and quiet. I am not able to +think, and I give myself up to my fate. Beloved, don't find fault with +me if for a month past I have been below the mark. Love me, and tell our +friends to love me.</p> + +<p>Did you get my photograph? It was taken at the fortunate time of our +position here, when we were having peaceful days, with no immediate +enemy except the cold. A few days later I was made corporal, and my life +became hard enough, burdened with very ungrateful labours. After that, +the storm; and the lights of that storm are still bright in my life.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>April 4, evening of Easter Sunday.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dear Mother</span>,—We are again in the immediate care of God. At two +o'clock we march towards the storm. Beloved, I think <span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[Pg 190]</a></span>of you, I think of +you both. I love you, and I entrust the three of us to the Providence of +God. May everything that happens find us ready! In the full power of my +soul, I pray for this, on your behalf, on mine: hope through all; but, +before all else, Wisdom and Love.</p> + +<p>I kiss you, without more words. All my mind is now set upon the hard +work to be done.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>April 5, 1 o'clock <span class="smcap">a.m.</span></i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dear Mother and dear Grandmother</span>,—We are off. Courage. Wisdom +and Love. Perhaps all this is ordained for the good of all. I can but +send you my whole love. My life is lived in you alone.</p> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>April 5, towards noon.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dear Mother</span>,—We are now to be put to the proof. Up to this +moment there has been no sign that mercy was failing us. It is for us to +strive to deserve it. This afternoon we shall need all our resolution, +and we shall have to call upon the supreme Wisdom for help.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[Pg 191]</a></span></p> + +<p>Dear beloved Mother, dear Grandmother, I wish I could still have the +delight of getting your letters. Let us pray that we may be strengthened +even in what is before us now.</p> + +<p>Dear Darling, once more all my love for you both.</p> + +<div class='sig'><span class="smcap">Your Son.</span></div> + + +<div class='date'><br/><i>April 6, noon.</i></div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Dear beloved Mother</span>,—It is mid-day, and we are at the forward +position, in readiness. I send you my whole love. Whatever comes to +pass, life has had its beauty.</p> + + +<p><br /><br /><i>It was in the fight of this day, April 6, that the writer of these +letters disappeared.</i></p> + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<div class='center'>Printed by T. and A. <span class="smcap">Constable</span>, Printers to His Majesty at the +Edinburgh University Press<br /><br /></div> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_1_1" id="Footnote_1_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_1_1"><span class="label">[1]</span></a> Second Lieutenant André Cadoux, who died gloriously in +battle on April 13, 1915.</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_2_2" id="Footnote_2_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_2_2"><span class="label">[2]</span></a> Part of this note-book has already been given.</p></div></div> + + +<hr style='width: 45%;' /> + +<div class='tnote'><b>Transcriber's notes:</b> + +<p>Periods added to a few date-lines to conform to rest of text.</p> + +<p>Page 95, A space in the text was replaced with "us as". This has been +surmised. "moves us as a Breughel . . . "</p></div> + + + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Letters of a Soldier, by Anonymous + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LETTERS OF A SOLDIER *** + +***** This file should be named 17316-h.htm or 17316-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/7/3/1/17316/ + +Produced by Irma Spehar, Emmy and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Letters of a Soldier + 1914-1915 + +Author: Anonymous + +Commentator: A. Clutton-Brock + Andre Chevrillon + +Translator: V.M. + +Release Date: December 15, 2005 [EBook #17316] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LETTERS OF A SOLDIER *** + + + + +Produced by Irma Spehar, Emmy and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries) + + + + + + + + + + + +LETTERS OF A SOLDIER + + You do not know the things that are taught by him + who falls. I do know. + + (_Letter of October 15, 1914._) + + + + +LETTERS OF A SOLDIER + +1914-1915 + +WITH AN INTRODUCTION BY +A. CLUTTON-BROCK + +AND A PREFACE BY +ANDRE CHEVRILLON + +AUTHORISED TRANSLATION BY +V.M. + +LONDON +CONSTABLE AND COMPANY LTD +1917 + + + +Printed in Great Britain + + + + +CONTENTS + + PAGE +INTRODUCTION vii + +PREFACE BY ANDRE CHEVRILLON 3 + +LETTERS 33 + + + + +INTRODUCTION + +I have been asked to write an Introduction to these letters; and I do +so, in spite of the fact that M. Chevrillon has already written one, +because they are stranger to me, an Englishman, than they could be to +him a Frenchman; and it seems worth while to warn other English readers +of this strangeness. But I would warn them of it only by way of a +recommendation. We all hope that after the war there will be a growing +intimacy between France and England, that the two countries will be +closer to each other than any two countries have ever been before. But +if this is to happen we must not be content with admiring each other. +Mere admiration will die away; indeed, some part of our present +admiration of the French has come from our failure to understand them. +There is a surprise in it which they cannot think flattering, and which +ought never to have been. Perhaps they also have been surprised by us; +for it is certain that we have not known each other, and have been +content with those loose general opinions about each other which are the +common result of ignorance and indifference. + +What we need then is understanding; and these letters will help us to +it. They are, as we should have said before the war, very French, that +is to say, very unlike what an Englishman would write to his mother, or +indeed to any one. Many Englishmen, if they could have read them before +the war, would have thought them almost unmanly; yet the writer +distinguished himself even in the French army. But perhaps unmanly is +too strong a word to be put in the mouth even of an imaginary and stupid +Englishman. No one, however stupid, could possibly have supposed that +the writer was a coward; but it might have been thought that he was +utterly unfitted for war. So the Germans thought that the whole French +nation, and indeed every nation but themselves, was unfitted for war, +because they alone willed it, and rejoiced in the thought of it. And +certainly the French had a greater abhorrence of war even than +ourselves; how great one can see in these letters. The writer of them +never for a moment tries or pretends to take any pleasure in war. His +chief aim in writing is to forget it, to speak of the consolations which +he can still draw from the memories of his past peaceful life, and from +the peace of the sky and the earth, where it is still unravaged. He is, +or was, a painter (one cannot say which, for he is missing), and the +moment he has time to write, he thinks of his art again. It would hardly +be possible for any Englishman to ignore the war so resolutely, to +refuse any kind of consent to it; or, if an Englishman were capable of +such refusal, he would probably be a conscientious objector. We must +romanticise things to some extent if we are to endure them; we must at +least make jokes about them; and that is where the French fail to +understand us, like the Germans. If a thing is bad to a Frenchman, it is +altogether bad; and he will have no dealings with it. He may have to +endure it; but he endures gravely and tensely with a sad Latin dignity, +and so it is that this Frenchman endures the war from first to last. For +that reason the Germans, after their failure on the Marne, counted on +the nervous exhaustion of the French. It was a favourite phrase with +them--one of those formulae founded on knowledge without understanding +which so often mislead them.--Their formula for us was that we cared for +nothing but football and marmalade.--But reading these letters one can +understand how they were deceived. The writer of them seems to be +always enduring tensely. It is part of his French sincerity never to +accept any false consolation. He will not try to believe what he knows +to be false, even so that he may endure for the sake of France. Yet he +does endure, and all France endures, in a state of mind that would mean +weakness in us and utter collapse in the Germans. The war is to him like +an incessant noise that he tries to forget while he is writing. He does +not write as a matter of duty, and so that his mother may know that he +is still living; rather he writes to her so that he may ease a little +his desire to talk to her. We are used to French sentiment about the +mother; it is a commonplace of French eloquence, and we have often +smiled at it as mere sentimental platitude; but in these letters we see +a son's love for his mother no longer insisted upon or dressed up in +rhetoric, but naked and unconscious, a habit of the mind, a need of the +soul, a support even to the weakness of the flesh. Such affection with +us is apt to be, if not shamefaced, at least a little off-hand. Often it +exists, and is strong; but it is seldom so constant an element in all +joy and sorrow. The most loving of English sons would not often rather +talk to his mother than to any one else; but one knows that this +Frenchman would rather talk to his mother than to any one else, and that +he can talk to her more intimately than to any woman or man. One can see +that he has had the long habit of talking to her thus, so that now he +does it easily and without restraint. He tells her the deepest thoughts +of his mind, knowing that she will understand them better than any one +else. That foreboding which the mother felt about her baby in Morris's +poem has never come true about him: + + 'Lo, here thy body beginning, O son, and thy soul and thy life, + But how will it be if thou livest and enterest into the strife, + And in love we dwell together when the man is grown in thee, + When thy sweet speech I shall hearken, and yet 'twixt thee and me + Shall rise that wall of distance that round each one doth grow, + And maketh it hard and bitter each other's thought to know?' + +This son has lived and entered into the strife indeed; but the wall of +distance has not grown round him; and, as we read these letters, we +think that no French mother would fear the natural estrangement which +that English mother in the poem fears. The foreboding itself seems to +belong to a barbaric society in which there is a more animal division of +the sexes, in which the male fears to become effeminate if he does not +insist upon his masculinity even to his mother. But this Frenchman has +left barbarism so far behind that he is not afraid of effeminacy; nor +does he need to remind himself that he is a male. There is a philosophy +to which this forgetfulness of masculinity is decadence. According to +that philosophy, man must remember always that he is an animal, a proud +fighting animal like a bull or a cock; and the proudest of all fighting +animals, to be admired at a distance by all women unless he condescends +to desire them, is the officer. No one could be further from such a +philosophy than this Frenchman; he is so far from it that he does not +seem even to be aware of its existence. He hardly mentions the Germans +and never expresses anger against them. The worst he says of them almost +makes one smile at its naive gentleness. 'Unfortunately, contact with +the German race has for ever spoilt my opinion of those people.' They +are to him merely a nation that does not know how to behave. He reminds +one of Talleyrand, who said of Napoleon after one of his rages: 'What a +pity that so great a man should have been so badly brought up.' But +there was malice in that understatement of Talleyrand's; and there is +none in the understatement of this Frenchman. He has no desire for +revenge; his only wish is that his duty were done and that he could +return home to his art and his mother. To the philosophy I have spoken +of that would seem a pitiable state of mind. No one could be less like a +Germanic hero than this French artist; and yet the Germans were in error +when they counted on an easy victory over him and his like, when they +made sure that a conscious barbarism must prevail over an unconscious +civilisation. + +These letters reveal to us a new type of soldier, a new type of hero, +almost a new type of man; one who can be brave without any animal +consolations, who can endure without any romantic illusions, and, what +is more, one who can have faith without any formal revelation. For there +is nothing in the letters more interesting than the religion constantly +expressed or implied in them. The writer is not a Catholic. Catholic +fervour on its figurative side, he says, will always leave him cold. He +finds the fervour of Verlaine almost gross. He seems afraid to give any +artistic expression to his own faith, lest he should falsify it by +over-expression, lest it should seem to be more accomplished than it is. +He will not even try to take delight in it; he is almost fanatically an +intellectual ascetic; and yet again and again he affirms a faith which +he will hardly consent to specify by uttering the name of God. He is shy +about it, as if it might be refuted if it were expressed in any dogmatic +terms. So many victories seem to have been won over faith in the modern +world that his will not throw down any challenge. If it is to live, it +must escape the notice of the vulgar triumphing sceptics, and even of +the doubting habits of his own mind. Yet it does live its own humble and +hesitating life; and in its hesitations and its humility is its +strength. He could not be acclaimed by any eager bishop as a lost sheep +returning repentant to the fold; but he is not lost, nor is the +universe to him anything but a home and the dear city of God even in the +trenches. + +His expression of this faith is always vague, tentative, and +inconclusive. He is certain of something, but he cannot say what; yet he +knows that he is certain, although, if he were to try to express his +certainty in any old terms, he would reject it himself. He knows; but he +cannot tell us or himself what he knows. There are sentences in which, +as M. Chevrillon says, he speaks like an Indian sage; but I do not think +that Indian philosophy would have satisfied him, because it is itself +satisfied. For he is in this matter of faith a primitive, beginning to +build a very small and humble temple out of the ruins of the past. He +has no science of theology, nothing but emotions and values, and a trust +in them. They are for a reality that he can scarcely express at all; and +yet he is the more sure of its existence because of the torment through +which he is passing. He uses that word _torment_ more than once. The war +is to him a martyrdom in which he bears witness to his love, not only +for France, but also for that larger country which is the universe. The +torment makes him more sure of it than ever before; it heightens his +sense of values; and he knows that what matters to a man is not whether +he is joyful or sorrowful, but the quality of his joy and his sorrow. +There are times when, like an Indian sage, he thinks that all life is +contemplation; but this thought is only the last refuge of the spirit +against a material storm. He is not one of those who would go into the +wilderness and lose themselves in the depths of abstract thought; he is +a European, an artist, a lover, one for whom the visible world exists, +and to whom the Christian doctrine of love is but the expression of his +own experience. For a century or more our world, confident in its +strength, its reason, its knowledge, has been undermining that doctrine +with every possible heresy. In sheer wilfulness it has tried to empty +life of all its values. It has made us ashamed of loving anything; for +all love, it has told us, is illusion produced by the will to live, or +the will to power, or some other figment of its own perverse thought. +And now, as a result of that perversity, the storm breaks upon us when +we seem to have stripped ourselves of all shelter against it. The +doctrine of the struggle for life becomes a fact in this war; but, if it +were true, what creature endowed with reason would find life worth +struggling for? Certainly not the writer of these letters. He fought, +not only for his country, but to maintain a contrary doctrine; and we +see him and a thousand others passing through the fiercest trial of +faith at the moment when the mind of man has been by its own perverse +activity stripped most bare of faith. So he cannot even express the +faith for which he is ready to die; but he is ready to die for it. A +few years ago he would have been sneered at for the vagueness of his +language, but no one can sneer now. The dead will not spoil the spring, +he says No, indeed: for by their death they have brought a new spring of +faith into the world. + +A. CLUTTON-BROCK. + + + + +LETTERS OF A SOLDIER + +AUGUST 1914-APRIL 1915 + +PREFACE BY ANDRE CHEVRILLON + + + + +PREFACE BY ANDRE CHEVRILLON + +The letters that follow are those of a young painter who was at the +front from September [1914] till the beginning of April [1915]; at the +latter date he was missing in one of the battles of the Argonne. Are we +to speak of him in the present tense or in the past? We know not: since +the day when the last mud-stained paper reached them, announcing the +attack in which he was to vanish, what a close weight of silence for +those who during eight months lived upon these almost daily letters! But +for how many women, how many mothers, is a grief like this to-day a +common lot! + +In the studio and amid the canvases upon which the young man had traced +the forms of his dreams, I have seen, piously placed in order on a +table, all the little papers written by his hand. A silent presence--I +was not then aware what manner of mind had there expressed +itself--revisiting this hearth: a mind surely made to travel far abroad +and cast its lights upon multitudes of men. + +It was the mind of a complete artist, but of a poet as well, that had +lurked under the timid reserves of a youth who at thirteen years of age +had left school for the studio, and who had taught himself, without help +from any other, to translate the thoughts that moved him into such words +as the reader will judge of. Here are tenderness of heart, a fervent +love of Nature, a mystical sense of her changing moods and of her +eternal language: all those things of which the Germans, professing +themselves heirs of Goethe and of Beethoven, imagine they have the +monopoly, but of which we Frenchmen have the true perception, and which +move us in the words written by our young countryman for his most dearly +beloved and for himself. + +It is singularly touching to find in the spiritual, grave, and religious +temper of these letters an affinity to the spirit of many others written +from the front. During those weeks, those endless months of winter in +the mud or the frost of the trenches, in the daily sight of death, in +the thought of that death coming upon them also, closing upon them to +seal their eyes for ever, these boys seem to have faced the things of +eternity with a deeper insight and a keener feeling, as each one, in the +full strength of life and youth, dwelt upon the thought of beholding the +world for the last time: + + 'Et le monde allait donc mourir + Avec mes yeux, miroir du monde.' + +Solemn thought for the man who has watched through a long night in some +advance-post, and who, beyond the grey and silent plain where lurks the +enemy, sees a red sun rise yet once more upon the world! 'O splendid +sun, I wish I could see you again!' wrote once, on the evening of his +advance upon French ground, a young Silesian soldier who fell upon the +battlefield of the Marne, and whose Journal has been published. Suddenly +breaks in this mysterious cry in the course of methodical German notes +on food and drink, stages of the march, blistered feet, the number of +villages set on fire. And in how many French letters too have we found +it--that abrupt intuition! It is always the same, in many and various +words: in those of the agriculturist of the Seine-et-Marne, whom I +could name, and who for perhaps the first time in his life takes an +interest in the sunset; in those of the young middle-class Parisian who +had seemed incapable of speech save in terms of unbelief and burlesque; +in those of the artist who utters his emotion in poetry and lifts it up +to the heights of stoical philosophy. Through all unlikenesses, in the +hearts of all--peasant, citizen, soldier, German schoolmaster--one +prevailing thought is revealed; the living man, passing away, feels, at +the approach of eternal night, an exaltation of his sense of the +splendour of the world. O miracle of things! O divine peace of this +plain, of these trees, of these hillsides! And how keenly does the ear +listen for this infinite silence! Or we hear of the immensities of night +where nothing remains except light and flame: far off, the smouldering +of fires; far up, the sparkle of stars, the shapes of constellations, +the august order of the universe. Very soon the rattle of machine-guns, +the thunder of explosives, the clamour of attack will begin anew; there +will again be killing and dying. What a contrast of human fury and +eternal serenity! More or less vaguely, and for a brief moment, there +comes into passing life a glimpse of the profound relation of the simple +things of heaven and earth with the mind of him who contemplates them. +Does man then guess that all these things are indeed himself, that his +little life and the life of the tree yonder, thrilling in the shiver of +dawn, and beckoning to him, are bound together in the flood of universal +life? + + * * * * * + +For the artist of whom we are now reading, such intuitions and such +visions were the delight of long months in the trenches. Under the free +sky, in contact with the earth, in face of the peril and the sight of +death, life seemed to him to take a sudden and strange expansion. 'From +our life in the open air we have gained a freedom of conception, an +amplitude of thought, which will for ever make cities horrible to those +who survive the war.' Death itself had become a more beautiful and a +more simple thing; the death of soldiers on whose dumb shapes he looked +with pious eyes, as Nature took them back into her maternal care and +mingled them with her earth. Day by day he lived in the thought of +eternity. True, he kept a feeling heart for all the horror, and +compassion for all the pain; as to his duty, the reader will know how he +did that. But, suffering 'all the same,' he took refuge in 'the higher +consolations.' 'We must,' he writes to those who love him and whom he +labours--with what constant solicitude!--to prepare for the worst, 'we +must attain to this--that no catastrophe whatsoever shall have power to +cripple our lives, to interrupt them, to set them out of tune. . . . Be +happy in this great assurance that I give you--that up till now I have +raised my soul to a height where events have had no empire over it.' +These are heights upon which, beyond the differences of their teachings +and their creeds, all great religious intuitions meet together; upon +which illusions are no more, and the soul rejects the pretensions of +self, in order to accept what _is_. 'Our sufferings come from our small +human patience taking the same direction as our desires, noble though +they may be. . . . Do not dwell upon the personality of those who pass +away and of those who are left; such things are weighed only in the +scales of men. We should gauge in ourselves the enormous value of what +is better and greater than humanity.' In truth, death is impotent +because it too is illusory, and 'nothing is ever lost.' So this young +Frenchman, who has yet never forgone the language of his Christianity, +rediscovers amid the terrors of war the stoicism of Marcus +Aurelius--that virtue which is 'neither patience nor too great +confidence, but a certain faith in the order of all things, a certain +power of saying of each trial, "It is well."' And, even beyond stoicism, +it is the sublime and antique thought of India that he makes his own, +the thought that denies appearances and differences, that reveals to man +his separate self and the universe, and teaches him to say of the one, +'I am not _this_,' and of the other, '_that_, I am.' Wonderful encounter +of thoughts across the distance of ages and the distance of races! The +meditation of this young French soldier, in face of the enemy who is to +attack on the morrow, resumes the strange ecstasy in which was rapt the +warrior of the _Bhagavad Gita_ between two armies coming to the grapple. +He, too, sees the turbulence of mankind as a dream that seems to veil +the higher order and the Divine unity. He, too, puts his faith in that +'which knows neither birth nor death,' which is 'not born, is +indestructible, is not slain when this body is slain.' This is the +perpetual life that moves across all the shapes it calls up, striving in +each one to rise nearer to light, to knowledge, and to peace. And that +aim is a law and a command to every thinking being that he should give +himself wholly for the general and final good. Thence comes the grave +satisfaction of those who devote themselves, of those who die, in the +cause of life, in the thought of a sacrifice not useless. 'Tell ---- +that if fate strikes down the best, there is no injustice; those who +survive will be the better men. You do not know the things that are +taught by him who falls. I do know.' And even more complete is the +sacrifice when the relinquishment of life, when the renunciation of +self, means the sacrifice of what was dearer than self, and would have +been a life's joy to serve. There was the 'flag of art, the flag of +science,' that the boy loved and had begun to carry--with what a thrill +of pride and faith! Let him learn to fall without regrets. 'It is enough +for him to know that the flag will yet be carried.' + +A simple, a common obedience to the duty at hand is the practical +conclusion of that high Indian wisdom when illusions are past. Not to +retreat into the solitude, not to retire into the inaction, that he has +known and prized; to fight at the side of his brothers, in his own rank, +in his own place, with open eyes, without hope of glory or of gain, and +because such is the law: this is the commandment of the god to the +warrior Arjuna, who had doubted whether he were right in turning away +from the Absolute to take part in the evil dream of war. 'The law for +each is that he should fulfil the functions determined by his own state +and being. Let every man accept action, since he shares in that nature +the methods of which make action necessary.' Plainly, it is for Arjuna +to bend his bow among the other Kshettryas. The young Frenchman had not +doubted. But it will be seen by his letters how, in the horror of +carnage, as in the tedious and patient duties of the mine and the +trench, he too had kept his eyes upon eternal things. + +I would not insist unduly upon this union of thought. He had hardly +gained, through a few extracts from the _Ramayana_, a glimpse of the +august thought of ancient Asia. Yet, with all the modern shades of +ideas, with all the very French precision of form, the soul that is +revealed in these letters, like that of Amiel, of Michelet, of Tolstoi, +of Shelley, shows certain profound analogies with the tender and +mystical genius of the Indies. Strange is that affinity, bearing witness +as it does not only to his profound need of the Universal and the +Absolute, but to his intuitive sympathy with the whole of life, to his +impulses of love for the general soul of fruitfulness and for all its +single and multitudinous forms. 'Love'--this is one of the words most +often recurring in these letters. Love of the country of battle; love of +the plain over which the mornings and the evenings come and go as the +emotions come and go over a sensitive face; love of the trees with their +almost human gesture--of one tree, steadfast and patient in its wounds, +'like a soldier'; love of the beautiful little living creatures of the +fields which, in the silence of earliest morning, play on the edges of +the trench; love of all things in heaven and earth--of that tender sky, +of that French soil with its clear and severe outlines; love, above all, +of those whom he sees in sufferings and in death at his side; love of +the good peasants, the mothers who have given their sons, and who hold +their peace, dry their tears, and fulfil the tasks of the vineyard and +the field; love of those comrades whose misery 'never silenced laughter +and song'--'good men who would have found my fine artistic robes a bad +encumbrance in the way of their plain duty'; love of all those simple +ones who make up France, and among whom it is good to lose oneself; love +of all men living, for it is surely not possible to hate the enemy, +human flesh and blood bound to this earth and suffering as we too +suffer; love of the dead upon whom he looks, in the impassive beauty, +silence, and mystery revealed beneath his meditative eyes. + +It is by his close attention to the interior and spiritual significance +of things that this painter is proved to be a poet, a religious poet who +has sight, in this world, of the essence of being, in ineffable +varieties: painter, and poet, and musician also, for in the trenches he +lives with Beethoven, Handel, Schumann, Berlioz, carrying in his mind +their imaginings and their rhythms, and conceiving also within himself +'the loveliest symphonies fully orchestrated.' Secret riches, intimate +powers of consolation and of joy, able, in the gloomiest hours, in the +dark and the mud of long nights on guard, to speak closely to the soul, +or snatch it suddenly and swiftly to distances and heights. Schumann, +Beethoven: between those two immortal spirits that made music for all +human ears, and the harsh pedants, the angry protagonists of Germanism, +who have succeeded in transforming a people into a war-machine, what +likeness is there? Have we not made the genius of those two ours by +understanding them as we understand them, and by so taking them into our +hearts? Are they not friends of ours? Do they not walk with us in those +blessed solitudes wherein our truest self awakens, and where our +thoughts flow free? + +It is the greatest of all whom a certain group of our soldiers invoke in +those days before the expected battle in which some of them are to fall. +They are in the depths of a dug-out. 'There, in complete darkness, +night was awaited for the chance to get out. But once my fellow +non-commissioned officers and I began humming the nine symphonies of +Beethoven. I cannot tell what great thrill woke those notes within us.' + +That almost sacred song, those heroic inspirations at such a moment--how +do they not give the lie to German theories as to the limitations of +French sensibility! And what poet of any other race than ours has ever +looked upon Nature with more intimate eyes, with a heart more deeply +moved, than his whose inner soul is here expressed? + + * * * * * + +These letters, despatched day by day from the trench or the billet, +follow each other progressively as a poem does, or a song. A whole life +unfolds, the life of a soul which we may watch through the monotony of +its experiences, overcoming them all, or, again, rapt at the coming of +supreme trials (as in February and in April) into perfect peace. It is +well that we should trace the spiritual progress of such a dauntless +will. No history of an interior life was ever more touching. That will +is set to endurance, and terrible at times is the effort to endure; we +divine this beneath the simple everyday words of the narrative. Here is +an artist and a poet; he had chosen his life, he had planned it, by no +means as a life of action. His whole culture, his whole self-discipline, +had been directed to the further refining of a keen natural sensibility. +Necessarily and intentionally he had turned towards solitude and +contemplation. He had known himself to be purely a mirror for the world, +tarnishable under the breath of the crowd. But now it was for him to +lead a life opposed to his former law, contrary to his plan; and this +not of necessity but by a completely voluntary act. That _ego_ he had so +jealously sheltered, in face of the world yet out of the world, he was +now to yield up, to cast without hesitation or regret into the thick of +human wars; he was no longer to spend his days apart from the jostling +and the shouldering and the breath of troops; he was to bear his part in +the mechanism that serves the terrible ends of war. And the close of a +life which he would have pronounced, from his former point of view, to +be slavery--the close might be speedy death. He had to bring himself to +look upon his old life--the life that was lighted by his visions and +his hopes, the life that fulfilled his sense of universal existence--as +a mere dream, perhaps never to be dreamed again. + +That is what he calls 'adapting himself.' And how the word recurs in his +letters! It is a word that teaches him where duty lies, a duty of which +the difficulty is to be gauged by the difference of the present from the +past, of the bygone hope from the present effort. 'In the fulness of +productiveness,' he confesses, 'at the hour when life is flowering, a +young creature is snatched away, and cast upon a barren soil where all +he has cherished fails him. Well, after the first wrench he finds that +life has not forsaken him, and sets to work upon the new ungrateful +ground. The effort calls for such a concentration of energy as leaves no +time for either hopes or fears. And I manage it, except only in moments +of rebellion (quickly suppressed) of the thoughts and wishes of the +past. But I need my whole strength at times for keeping down the pangs +of memory and accepting what is.' + +Indeed, strength was called for day by day. This 'adaptation' was no +transformation. But by a continuous act of vital energy he assimilated +all that he drew from his surroundings. Thus he fed his heart, and kept +his own ideals. This was a way to renounce all things, and by +renunciation to keep the one thing needful, to remain himself, to live, +and not only to live but to flourish; to have a part in that universal +life which produces flowers in nature, art and poetry in man. To gain so +much, all that was needed was to treasure, unaltered by the terrors of +war, a heart eager for all shapes of beauty. For this most religious +poet, beauty was that divine spirit which shines more or less clearly in +all things, and which raises him who perceives it higher than the +accidents of individual existence. And he receives its full influence, +and is rid of all anxiety, who is able to bid adieu to the present and +the past, to regret nothing, to desire nothing, to receive from the +passing moment that influence in its plenitude. 'I accept all from the +hands of fate, and I have captured every delight that lurks under cover +of every moment.' In this state of simplicity, which is almost a state +of grace, he enters into communion with the living reality of the +world. 'Let us eat and drink to all that is eternal, for to-morrow we +die to all that is of earth.' + +That emancipation of the soul is not achieved in a day. The earlier +letters are beautiful, but what they teach is learnt by nearly all our +soldiers. In these he tells of the spirit of the men, their fire of +enthusiasm, their imperious sense of duty, their resolve to carry 'an +undefiled conscience as far as their feet may lead.' Yet already he is +seeking to maintain control of his own private self amid all the +excitement of numbers. And he succeeds. He guards himself, he separates +himself, 'as much as possible,' in the midst of his comrades, he keeps +his intellectual life intact. Meanwhile he is within barrack walls, or +else he is jotting down his letters at a railway station, or else he is +in the stages of an interminable journey, 'forty men to a truck.' But to +know him completely, wait until you see him within the zone of war, in +billets, in the front line, on guard, when he has returned to contact +with the very earth. As soon as he breathes open air, his instincts are +awake again, the instinct 'to draw all the beauty out,' and--in the +shadow where the future hides--'to draw out the utmost beauty as quickly +as may be.' 'I picked flowers in the mud; keep them in remembrance of +me,' he will write in a day of foreboding. A most significant trait is +this--in the tedium of trench days, or when imminent peril silences the +idle tongues, he gathers the greatest number of these magical flowers. +In those moments when speech fails, his soul is serene, it has free +play, and we hear its own fine sounds. Hitherto we had heard the +repetition of the word of courage and of brotherhood uttered by all our +gathering armies. But here, in battle, face to face with the eternities, +that spirit of his sounds like the chord of an instrument heard for the +first time in its originality and its infinite sensibility. Nor are +these random notes; they soon make one harmonious sound and acquire a +most touching significance, until by daily practice he learns how to +abstract himself altogether from the most wretched surroundings. A quite +impersonal _ego_ seems then to detach itself from the particular _ego_ +that suffers and is in peril; it looks impartially upon all things, and +sees its other self as a passing wave in the tide that a mysterious +Intelligence controls. Strange faculty of double existence and of +vision! He possesses it in the midst of the very battle in which his +active valour gained him the congratulations of his commanding officer. +In the furnace in which his flesh may be consumed he looks about him, +and next morning he writes, 'Well, it was interesting.' And he adds, +'what I had kept about me of my own individuality was a certain visual +perceptiveness that caused me to register the setting of things--a +setting that dramatised itself as artistically as in any +stage-management. During all these minutes I never relaxed in my resolve +to see _how it was_.' He then, too, became aware of the meaning of +violence. His tender and meditative nature had always held it in horror. +And, perhaps for that very reason, he sought its explanation. It is by +violence that an imperfect and provisional state of things is shattered, +and what was lax is put into action again. Life is resumed, and a better +order becomes possible. Here again we find his acceptance, his +submission to the Reason that directs the universe; confidence in what +_takes place_--that is his conclusion. + +Such times for him are times of observation properly so called, of purer +thought in which the impulses of the painter and the poet have no share. +That kind of observation is not infrequent with him, when he is dealing +with the world and with human action. It awakes at a war-spectacle, at a +trait of manners, at the reading of a book, at a recollection of history +or art; it is often to the Bible that he turns, and, amid the worst +clamours, to the beautiful plastic images of Greece. Admirable is such +serene energy of a spirit able to live purely as a spirit. It is +admirable, but it is not unique; great intellectual activity is not +uncommon with the French; others of our soldiers are philosophers among +the shells. What does set these letters in a place apart is something +more profound and more organic than thought, and that is sentiment; +sentiment in its infinite and indefinite degrees, its relation to the +aspects of nature--in a word, that poetic faculty which is akin to the +musical, proceeding as they both do from the primitive ground-work of +our being, and uniting in the inflexions of rhythm and of song. I have +already named Shelley in connexion with the poet we are considering. +And it is a Shelleyan union with the most intimate, the most +inexpressible things in nature that is revealed in such a note as the +following: 'A nameless day, a day without form, yet a day in which the +Spring most mysteriously begins to stir. Warm air in the lengthening +days; a sudden softening, a weakening of nature.' In describing this +atmosphere, this too sudden softness, he uses a word frequent in the +vocabulary of Shelley--'fainting.' In truth, like the great English +poet, whom he seems not to have known, he seeks from the beauty of +things a faculty of self-forgetfulness in lyrical poetry, an +inexpressible and blissful passing of the poet's being into the thing he +contemplates. What he makes his own in the course of those weeks, what +he remembers afterwards, and what he would recall, never to lose it +again, is the culminating moment in which he has achieved +self-forgetfulness and reached the ineffable. The simplest of natural +objects is able to yield him such a moment; see, for instance, this +abrupt intuition: 'I had lapsed from my former sense of the benediction +of God, when suddenly the beauty--all the beauty--of a certain tree +spoke to my inmost heart; and then I understood that an instant of such +contemplation is the whole of life.' And still more continuous, still +more vibrant, is at times his emotion, as when the bow draws out to the +utmost a long ecstatic tone from a sensitive violin. 'What joy is this +perpetual thrill in the heart of Nature! That same horizon of which I +had watched the awakening, I saw last night bathe itself in rosy light; +and then the full moon went up into a tender sky, fretted by coral and +saffron trees.' It is very nearly ecstasy with him in that astonishing +Christmas night which no one then at the front can ever forget--a solemn +night, a blue night, full of stars and of music, when the order and the +divine unity of the universe stood revealed to the eyes of men who, free +for a moment from the dream of hatred and of blood, raised one chant +along six miles, 'hymns, hymns, from end to end.' + +Of the carnage in February there are a few precise notes, sufficient to +suggest the increasing horror. The narrative grows quicker; the reader +is aware of the pulse and the impetus of action, the imperious summons +of duty; the young sergeant is in charge of men, and has to execute +terrible tasks. But ever across the tumult and the slaughter, there are +moments of recollection and of compassion; and, in the evening of a day +of battle, what infinite tranquillity among the dead! At this period +there are no more notes of landscape effects; the description is of the +war, technical; otherwise the writer's thought is not of earth at all. +Once only, towards the end, we find a sorrowful recollection of himself, +a profound lamentation at the remembrance of bygone hopes, of bygone +work, of the immensity of the sacrifice. 'This war is long, too long for +those who had something else to do in the world! Why am I so sacrificed, +when so many others, not my equals, are spared? Yet I had something +worth doing to do in the world!' Most touching is that sigh, even more +touching than the signs of greatness in his soul, for it suddenly +breathes an anguish long controlled. It is a human weakness--our own +weakness--that is at last confessed, on the eve of a Passion, as in the +Divine example. At rare times such a question, in the constant sight of +death, in fatigue and weariness, in the long distress of rain and mud, +checks in him the impulse of life and of spiritual desire. He was +himself the young plant of which he writes, growing, creating fragrance +and breaking into flower, sure of God, feeling Him alive within itself. +But all at once it knows frost is coming and the threat of unpitying +things. What if the universe were void, what if in the infinity of the +exterior world there were nothing, across the splendid vision, but an +insensate fatality? What if sacrifice itself were also a delusion? 'Dark +days have come upon me, and nothingness seems the end of all, whereas +all that is in my being had assured me of the plenitude of the +universe.' And he asks himself the anxious question, 'Is it even sure +that moral effort bears any fruit?' It is something like abandonment by +God. But that darkening of his lights passes quickly away. He comes +again to the regions of tranquil thought, and leaves them thenceforward +only for the work in hand. 'I hope,' he writes, 'that when you think of +me you will have in mind all those who have left everything behind, and +how their nearest and dearest think of them only in the past, and say +of them, "We had once a brother, who, many years ago, withdrew from this +world."' How strange is the serenity of these lofty thoughts, how +entirely detached from self and from all human things is this spirit of +contemplation. Two slight traits give us signs: One night, on a +battlefield 'scattered with fragments of men' and with burning +dwellings, under a starry sky, he makes his bed in an excavation, and +lies there watching the crescent moon, and waits for dawn; now and again +a shell bursts, earth falls about him, and then silence returns to the +frozen soil: 'I have paid the price, but I have had moments of solitude +full of God.' Again, one evening, after five days of horror ('we have no +officers left--they all died as brave men'), he suddenly comes upon the +body of a friend; 'a white body, splendid under the moon. I lay down +near him.' In the quietness, by the side of the dead man, nothing +remains but beauty and peace. + + * * * * * + +These letters are to be anonymous, at least so long as any hope remains +that he who was lost may return. It is enough to know that they were +written by a Frenchman who, in love and faith, bore his part in the +general effort, the common peril, glad to renounce himself in the pain +and the devotion of his countrymen. By a happy fortune that he did not +foresee when he left his clean solitude for the sweat, the servitude, +and the throng, he no doubt produced the best of himself in these +letters; and it may be doubted whether, in the course of a successful +artist's life, it would have been given to him to express himself with +so much completeness. This is a thought that may strengthen those who +love him to accept whatever has come to pass. His soul is here, a more +essential soul perhaps, and a more beautiful, than they had known. It +was in war that Marcus Aurelius also wrote his thoughts. Possibly the +worst is needful for the manifestation of the whole of human greatness. +We marvel how the soul can so discover in itself the means to oppose +suffering and death. Thus have many of our sons revealed themselves in +the day of trial, to the wonder of France, until then unaware of all +that she really was. That is how these pages touch us so closely. He who +wrote them had attuned himself with his countrymen. Through the more +mystical acts of his mind we perceive the sublime message sent to us +from the front, more or less explicitly, by others of our brothers and +our sons--the high music that goes up still from the whole of France at +war. In all his comrades assembled for the great task, he too had +recognised the best and the deepest things that his own heart held, and +so he speaks of them constantly--especially of the simplest of the +men--with so great respect and love. Far from ordinary ambitions and +cares, the things that this rough life among the eternities brings into +all hearts with a heretofore unknown amplitude are serenity of +conscience and a freshness of feeling in perpetual touch with the +harmonies of nature. These men do but reflect nature. Since they have +renounced themselves and given themselves, all things have become simple +for them. They have the transparence of soul and the lights of +childhood. 'We spend childish days. We are children.' . . . + +This new youthfulness of heart under the contemned menace of death, this +innocence in the daily fulfilment of heroic duty, is assured by a +spiritual state akin to sanctity. + + + + +LETTERS + + + + +LETTERS OF A SOLDIER + + +_August 6, 1914._ + +MY VERY DEAR MOTHER,--These are my first days of life at war, full of +change, but the fatigue I actually feel is very different from what I +foresaw. + +I am in a state of great nervous tension because of the want of sleep +and exercise. I lead the life of a government clerk. I belong to what is +called the depot, I am one of those doing sedentary work, and destined +eventually to fill up the gaps in the fighting line. + +What we miss is news; there are no longer any papers to be had in this +town. + + +_August 13._ + +We are without news, and so it will be for several days, the censorship +being of the most rigorous kind. + +Here life is calm. The weather is magnificent, and all breathes quiet +and confidence. We think of those who are fighting in the heat, and this +thought makes our own situation seem even too good. The spirit among +the reservists is excellent. + + +_Sunday, August 16._ + +To-day a walk along the Marne. Charming weather after a little rain. + +A welcome interlude in these troubled times. We are still without news, +like you, but we have happily a large stock of patience. I have had some +pleasure in the landscape, notwithstanding the invasion of red and blue. +These fine men in red and blue have given the best impression of their +_moral_. Great levies will be made upon our depots, to be endured with +fortitude. + + +_August 16_ (from a note-book). + +The monotony of military life benumbs me, but I don't complain. After +nine years these types are to be rediscovered, a little less marked, +improved, levelled down. Just now every one is full of grave thoughts +because of the news from the East. + +The ordinary good-fellowship of the mess has been replaced by a finer +solidarity and a praiseworthy attempt at adaptation. One of the +advantages of our situation is that we can, as it were, play at being +soldiers with the certainty of not wasting our time. All these childish +and easy occupations, which are of immediate result and usefulness, +bring back calm to the mind and soothe the nerves. Then the great stay +which supports the men is a profound, vague feeling of brotherhood which +turns all hearts towards those who are fighting. Each one feels that the +slight discomfort which he endures is only a feeble tribute to the +frightful expense of all energy and all devotedness at the front. + + +_August 25._ + +This letter will barely precede our own departure. The terrible conflict +calls for our presence close to those who are already in the midst of +the struggle. I leave you, grandmother and you, with the hope of seeing +you again, and the certainty that you will approve of my doing all that +seems to me my duty. + +Nothing is hopeless, and, above all, nothing has changed our idea of the +part we have to play. + +Tell all those who love me a little that I think of them. I have no time +to write to any one. My health is of the best. + +. . . After such an upheaval we may say that our former life is dead. +Dear mother, let us, you and I, with all our courage adapt ourselves to +an existence entirely different, however long it may last. + +Be very sure that I won't go out of my way to do anything that endangers +our happiness, but that I'll try to satisfy my conscience, and yours. Up +till now I am without cause for self-reproach, and so I hope to remain. + + +_August 25_ (2nd letter). + +A second letter to tell you that, instead of our regiment, it was +Pierre's that went. I had the joy of seeing him pass in front of me when +I was on guard in the town. I accompanied him for a hundred yards, then +we said good-bye. I had a feeling that we should meet again. + +It is the gravest of hours; the country will not die, but her +deliverance will be snatched only at the price of frightful efforts. + +Pierre's regiment went covered with flowers, and singing. It was a deep +consolation to be together till the end. + +It is fine of Andre[1] to have saved his drowning comrade. We don't +realise the reserve of heroism there is in France, and among the young +intellectual Parisians. + +In regard to our losses, I may tell you that whole divisions have been +wiped out. Certain regiments have not an officer left. + +As for my state of mind, my first letter will perhaps tell you better +what I believe to be my duty. Know that it would be shameful to think +for one instant of holding back when the race demands the sacrifice. My +only part is to carry an undefiled conscience as far as my feet may +lead. + +[Footnote 1: Second Lieutenant Andre Cadoux, who died gloriously in +battle on April 13, 1915.] + + +_August 26._ + +MY VERY DEAR MOTHER,--I was made happy by Maurice Barres's fine article, +'l'Aigle et le Rossignol,' which corresponds in every detail with what I +feel. + +The depots contain some failures, but also men of fine energy, among +whom I dare not yet count myself, but with whom I hope to set out. The +major had dispensed me from carrying a knapsack, but I carry it for +practice and manage quite well. + +The only assurance which I can give you concerns my own moral and +physical state, which is excellent. The true death would be to live in a +conquered country, above all for me, whose art would perish. + +I isolate myself as much as I can, and I am really unaffected, from the +intellectual point of view. Besides, the atmosphere of the mess is well +above that of normal times: the trouble is that the constant moving and +changing drags us about from place to place, and growing confidence +falters before the perpetually recurring unknown. + + +_August 30._ + +. . . My little mother, it is certain that though we did not leave +yesterday, it is yet only a question of hours. I won't say to you +anything that I have already said, content only that I have from you the +approval of which I was certain. + +. . . In the very hard march yesterday only one man fell out, really ill. +France will come out of this bad pass. + +I can only repeat to you how well I am prepared for all eventualities, +and that nothing can undo our twenty-seven years of happiness. I am +resolved not to consider myself foredoomed, and I fancy the joy of +returning, but I am ready to go to the end of my strength. If you knew +the shame I should endure to think that I might have done something +more! + +In the midst of all this sadness we live through magnificent hours, when +the things that used to be most strange take on an august significance. + + +_September 4, 6 o'clock_ +(_on the way, in the train_). + +We have had forty hours of a journey in which the picturesque outdoes +even the extreme discomfort. The great problem is sleep, and the +solution is not easy when there are forty in a cattle-truck. + +The train stops every instant, and we encounter the unhappy refugees. +Then the wounded: fine spectacle of patriotism. The English army. The +artillery. + +We no longer know anything, having no more papers, and we can't trust +the rumours which fly among the distraught population. + +Splendid weather. + + +_Saturday, September 5_ (_at the end +of 60 hours in a cattle-truck: +40 men to a truck_). + +On the same day we skirted the Seine opposite the forest of +Fontainebleau and the banks of the Loire. Saw the chateau de Blois and +the chateau d'Amboise. Unhappily the darkness prevented us from seeing +more. How can I tell you what tender emotions I felt by these +magnificent banks of the Loire! + +Are you bombarded by the frightful aeroplanes? I think of you in such +conditions and above all of poor Grandmother, who indeed had little need +to see all this! However, we must hope. + +We learn from wounded refugees that in the first days of August mistakes +were made in the high command which had terrible consequences. It falls +to us now to repair those mistakes. + +Masses of English troops arrive. We have crossed numbers of crowded +trains. + +Well, this war will not have been the mere march-past which many +thought, but which I never thought, it would be; but it will have +stirred the good in all humanity. I do not speak of the magnificent +things which have no immediate connection with the war,--but nothing +will be lost. + + +_September 5, 1914_ (_1st halting-place, +66 hours in the cage without being +able to stretch_). + +Still the same jolting and vibration, but three times after the horrible +night there has come the glory of the morning, and all fatigue has +disappeared. + +We have crossed the French country in several directions, from the +rather harsh serenity, full of suggestiveness, of Champagne, to the rich +robust placidity of Brittany. On the way we followed the full and noble +banks of the Loire, and now . . . + +O my beautiful country, the heart of the world, where lies all that is +divine upon earth, what monster sets upon you--a country whose offence +is her beauty! + +I used to love France with sincere love, which was more than a little +_dilettante_; I loved her as an artist, proud to live in the most +beautiful of lands; in fact, I loved her rather as a picture might love +its frame. It needed this horror to make me know how filial and profound +are the ties which bind me to my country. . . . + + +_September 7_ +(from a note-book). + +. . . We are embarked on the adventure, without any dominant feeling +except perhaps a sufficiently calm acceptance of this fatality. But +sensibility is kept awake by the sight of the victims, particularly the +refugees. Poor people, truly uprooted, or rather, dead leaves in the +storm, little souls in great circumstances. + +Whole trains of cattle-trucks, which can hardly be said to have changed +their use! Trains in which is heaped up the desolation of these people +torn from their homes, and how quickly become as beasts! Misery has +stripped them of all their human attributes. We take them food and +drink, and that is how they become exposed: the man drinks without +remembering his wife and children. The woman thinks of her child. But +other women take their time, unable to share in the general haste. Among +these waifs there is one who assails my heart,--a grandmother of +eighty-seven, shaken, tossed about by all these blows, being by turns +hoisted into and let down from the rolling cages. So trembling and +disabled, so lost. . . . + + +_September 10_ (from a note-book). + +We arrive in a new part of the country on the track of good news: the +strong impression is that France's future is henceforth assured. +Everything corroborates this feeling, from the official report which +formally announces a complete success down to the most fantastic +rumours. + + +_September 13_ (from a note-book). + +This is war; here are we approaching the place of horror. We have left +behind the French villages where peace was still sleeping. Now there is +nothing but tumult. And here are direct victims of the war. + +The soldiers: blood, mud and dirt. The wounded. Those whom we pass at +first are the least suffering--wounds in arms, in hands. In most of them +can clearly be seen, in the midst of their fatigue and distress, great +relief at having been let off comparatively easily. + +Farther on, towards the ambulances, the burying of the dead: there are +six, stretched on two waggons. Smoothed out, and covered with rags, they +are taken to an open pit at the foot of a Calvary. Some priests conduct, +rather than celebrate, the service, military as they have become. A +little straw and some holy water over all, and so we pass on. After all, +these dead are happy: they are cared-for dead. What can be said of those +who lie farther on and who have passed away after nights of the throes +of death and abandonment. + +. . . From this agony there will remain to us an immense yearning for pity +and brotherhood and goodness. + + +_Wednesday, September 16, 1914._ + +In the horror-zone. + +The rainy twilight shadows the road, and suddenly, in a ditch--the dead! +They have dragged themselves here from the battlefield--they are all +corrupt now. The coming of darkness makes it difficult to distinguish +their nationality, but the same great pity envelops them all. Only one +word for them: poor boy! The night for these ignominies--and then again +the morning. The day rises upon the swollen bodies of dead horses. In +the corner of a wood, carnage, long cold. + +One sees only open sacks, ripped nose-bags. Nothing that looks like life +remains. + +Among them some civilians, whose presence is due to the German +proceeding of making French hostages march under our fire. + +If these notes should reach any one, may they give rise in an honest +heart to horror of the foul crime of those responsible for this war. +There will never be enough glory to cover all the blood and all the +mud. + + +_September 21, 1914._ + +War in rain. + +It is suffering beyond what can be imagined. Three days and three nights +without being able to do anything but tremble and moan, and yet, in +spite of all, perfect service must be rendered. + +To sleep in a ditch full of water has no equivalent in Dante, but what +can be said of the awakening, when one must watch for the moment to kill +or to be killed! + +Above, the roar of the shells drowns the whistling of the wind. Every +instant, firing. Then one crouches in the mud, and despair takes +possession of one's soul. + +When this torment came to an end I had such a nervous collapse that I +wept without knowing why--late, useless tears. + + +_September 25._ + +Hell in so calm and pastoral a place. The autumnal country pitted and +torn by cannon! + + +_September 27._ + +If, apart from the greater lessons of the war, there are small immediate +benefits to be had, the one that means most to me is the contemplation +of the night sky. Never has the majesty of the night brought me so much +consolation as during this accumulation of trials. Venus, sparkling, is +a friend to me. . . . + +I am now familiar with the constellations. Some of them make great +curves in the sky as if to encircle the throne of God. What glory! And +how one evokes the Chaldean shepherds! + +O constellations! first alphabet!. . . + + +_October 1._ + +I can say that, as far as the mind goes, I have lived through great days +when all vain preoccupations were swept away by a new spirit. + +If there should ever be any lapse so that only one of my letters reaches +you, may it be one that says how beneficial, how precious have these +torments been! + + +_October 1_ (from a note-book). + +It follows from this that our suffering, every moment of it, should be +considered as the most marvellous source of feeling and of progress for +the conscience. + +I now know into what domain my destiny leads me. No longer towards the +proud and illusory region of pure speculation, but in the way of all +little daily things--it is there that I must carry the service of an +ever-vigilant sensibility. + +I see how easily an upright nature may dispense with the arts of +expression in order to be helpful in act and in influence. Precious +lesson, which will enable me, should I return, to suffer less if fate no +longer allows me to paint. + + +_October 9._ + +It seems that we have the order to attack. I do not want to risk this +great event without directing my thoughts to you in the few moments of +quiet that are left. . . . Everything here combines to maintain peace in +the heart: the beauty of the woods in which we live, the absence of +intellectual complications. . . . It is paradoxical, as you say, but the +finest moments of my moral life are those that have just gone by. . . . + + * * * * * + +Know that there will always be beauty on earth, and that man will never +have enough wickedness to suppress it. I have gathered enough of it to +store my life. May our destiny allow me time later to bring to fruit all +that I have gathered now. It is something that no one can snatch from +us, it is treasure of the soul which we have amassed. + + +_October 12._ + +Up till now your love and Providence do not forsake me. . . . We are +still in the magnificent devastated woods, in the midst of the finest +autumn. Nature brings many joys which dominate these horrors. Profound +and powerful hope, whatever suffering still awaits us. + + +_October 14._ + +It is true, dear mother, that some renunciation costs a great deal of +effort, but be sure that we both possess the necessary strength of soul +to live through these difficult hours without catching our breath in +painful longing at the idea of the return we both crave for. + +The great thing is to know the value of the present moment and to make +it yield all that it has of good and beauty and edification. For the +rest, no one can guarantee the future, and it would be vain and futile +torment to live wondering what might happen to us. Don't you think that +life has dispensed us many blessings, and that one of the last, and the +greatest, is that we have been able to communicate with each other and +to feel our union? There are many unfortunate people here who do not +know where their wives and children are, who have been for three months +isolated from all. You see that we are still among the lucky ones. + +Dear mother, less than ever ought we to despair, for never shall we be +more truly convinced that all this agitation and delirium of mankind's +are nothing in view of the share of eternity which each one carries +within himself, and that all these monstrosities will end in a better +future. This war is a kind of cataclysm which succeeds to the old +physical upheavals of our globe; but have you not noticed that, in the +midst of all this, a little of our soul is gone from us, and that we +have lost something of our conviction of a Higher Order? Our sufferings +come from our small human patience taking the same direction as our +desires, noble though they may be. But as soon as we set ourselves to +question things in order to discover their true harmony, we find rest +unto our souls. How do we know that this violence and disorder are not +leading the universal destinies towards a final good? + +Dear mother, still cherishing the firmest and most human hope, I send my +deepest love to you and to my beloved grandmother. + +Send also all my love to our friends who are in trouble. Help them to +bear everything: two crosses are less heavy to carry than one. And +confidence in our eternal joy. + + +_October 15, 7 o'clock._ + +I have received your card of the 1st. What joy it gives me that we +should be at last in touch with each other. Certainly, our thoughts have +never been apart. You tell me of Marthe's misfortune, and I am happy +that you can be useful to her. Dear mother, that is the task that +belongs to us both: to be useful at the present moment without reference +to the moment that is to follow. + +Yes, indeed, I feel deeply with you that I have a mission in life. But +one must act in each instant as though that mission was having immediate +fulfilment. Do not let us keep back one single small corner of our +hearts for our small hopes. We must attain to this--that no catastrophe +whatsoever shall have power to cripple our lives, to interrupt them, to +set them out of tune. That is the finest work, and it is the work of +this moment. The rest, that future which we must not question--you will +see, mother dear, what it holds of beauty and goodness and truth. Not +one of our faculties must be used in vain, and all useless anxiety is a +harmful expense. + +Be happy in this great assurance that I give you--that up till now I +have raised my soul to a height where events have had no empire over it, +and I promise you that my effort will be still to make ready my soul as +much as I can. + +Tell M---- that if fate strikes down the best, there is no injustice: +those who survive will be the better men. Let her accept the sacrifice, +knowing that it is not in vain. You do not know the things that are +taught by him who falls. I do know. + +To him who can read life, present events have broken all habit of +thought, but they allow him more glimpses than ever before of eternal +beauty and order. + +Let us recover from the surprise of this laceration, and adapt ourselves +without loss of time to the new state of things which turns us into +people as privileged as Socrates and the Christian martyrs and the men +of the Revolution. We are learning to despise all in life that is merely +temporary, and to delight in that which life so seldom yields: the love +of those things that are eternal. + + +_October 16._ + +We are living for some days in comparative calm; between two storms my +company is deserving of special rest. Also I am thoroughly enjoying this +month of October. Your fine letter of October 2 reaches me, and I am now +full of happiness, and there is profound peace. + +Let us continue to arm ourselves with courage, do not let us even speak +of patience. Nothing but to accept the present moment with all the +treasures which it brings us. That is all there is to do, and it is +precisely in this that all the beauty of the world is concentrated. +There is something, dear mother, something outside all that we have +habitually felt. Apply your courage and your love of me to uncovering +this, and laying it bare for others. + +This new beauty has no reference to the ideas expressed in the words +health, family, country. One perceives it when one distinguishes the +share of the eternal which is in everything. But let us cherish this +splendid presentiment of ours--that we shall meet again: it will not in +any way impede our task. Tell M---- how much I think of her. Alas! her +case is not unique. This war has broken many a hope; so, dear mother, +let us put our hope there where the war cannot attain to it, in the deep +places of our heart, and in the high places of our soul. + + +_October 17, 3 o'clock._ + +To write to you and to know that my letters reach you is a daily +paradise to me. I watch for the hour when it is possible to write. + +Yes, beloved mother, you must feel a revival of courage and desire to +live; never must a single affection, however good, be counted as a +pretext for life. No accident should make us forget the reason we are +alive. Of course, we can prefer this or that mission in life, but let us +accept the one which presents itself, however surprising or passing it +may be. You feel as I do, that happiness is in store for us, but let us +not think of it. Let us think of the actions of to-day, of all the +sacrifices they imply. + + +_October 22._ + +I accept all from the hands of fate, and I have captured every delight +that lurks under cover of every moment. + +Ah! if men only knew how much peace they squander, and how much may be +contained in one minute, how far less would they suffer from this +seeming violence. No doubt there are extreme torments that I do not yet +know, and which perhaps test the soul in a way I do not suspect, but I +exert all the strength of my soul to accept each moment and each test. +What is necessary is to recognise love and beauty triumphant over +violence. No few seasons of hate and grief will have the power to +overthrow eternal beauty, and of this beauty we all have an imperishable +store. + + +_October 23._ + +MY VERY DEAR MOTHER,--I have re-read Barres's article, 'l'Aigle et le +Rossignol.' It is still as beautiful, but it no longer seems in complete +harmony. Now nothing exists outside the absolute present; everything +else is like ornaments put to one side until the holiday, the far-off, +uncertain holiday. But what does it matter!--the ornaments are treasured +up in safety. Thus do I cherish the treasures of affection, of +legitimate ambition, of praiseworthy aspiration. All of these I have +covered over, and I live but in the present moment. + +This morning, under the fine sky, I remembered the music of yesterday: I +was full of happiness. Forgive me for not living in an anguish of +longing to return. I believe that you approve of my giving back our +dearest hopes into other hands than ours. + + +_October 27._ + +If, as I hope intensely, I have the joy of seeing you again, you will +know the miraculous way in which I have been led by Providence. I have +only had to bow before a power and a beneficence which surpassed all my +proud conceptions. + +I can say that God has been within me as I am within God, and I make +firm resolves always to feel such a communion. + +You see, the thing is to put life to good account, not as we understand +it, even in our noblest affections, but in saying to ourselves: Let us +eat and drink to all that is eternal, for to-morrow we die to all that +is of earth. We acquire an increase of love in that moment when we +renounce our mean and anxious hopes. + + +_October 28._ + +This is nearly the end of the third month of a terrible trial, from +which the lessons will be wide and salutary not only to him who will +know how to listen, but to all the world, and therein lies the great +consolation for those who are involved in this torment. Let it also be +the consolation of those whose hopes are with the combatants. + +This consolation consists especially in the supernaturally certain +conviction that all divine and immortal energy, working through mankind, +far from being enfeebled, will, on the contrary, be exalted and more +intensely effectual at the end of these storms. + +Happy the man who will hear the song of peace as in the 'Pastoral +Symphony,' but happy already he who has foreknowledge of it amid the +tumult! And what does it matter in the end that this magnificent +prophecy is fulfilled in the absence of the prophet! He who has guessed +this has gleaned great joy upon earth. We can leave it to a higher being +to pronounce if the mission is accomplished. + + +_October 28_ (2nd letter, almost +at the same hour). + +MY DEAR, DEAR MOTHER,--Another welcome moment to spend with you. We can +never say any but the same thing, but it is so fine a thing that it can +always be said in new ways. + +To-day we are living under a sky of great clouds as swift and cold as +those of the Dutch landscape painters. + + * * * * * + +Dear, I dare not wish for anything--it must not be. I must not even +consider a partial relaxation. I assure you that the effort for +endurance is less painful than certain times of intensive preparation +that we have passed through. Only we can each moment brace ourselves in +a kind of resistance against what is evil in us, and leave every door +open to the good which comes from without. + +. . . I am glad that you have read Tolstoi: he also took part in war. He +judged it; he accepted its teaching. If you can glance at the admirable +_War and Peace_, you will find pictures that our situation recalls. It +will make you understand the liberty for meditation that is possible to +a soldier who desires it. + +As to the disability which the soul might be supposed to suffer through +the lack of all material well-being, do not believe in it. We lead the +life of rabbits on the first day of the season's shooting, and, +notwithstanding that, we can enrich our souls in a magnificent way. + + +_October 30._ + +I write to you in a marvellous landscape of grey autumn lashed by the +wind. But for me the wind has always been without sadness, because it +brings to me the spirit of the country beyond the hill. . . . + +The horrible war does not succeed in tearing us from our intellectual +habitation. In spite of moments of overwhelming noise, one more or less +recovers oneself. The ordinary course of our present existence gives us +a sensibility like that of a raw wound, aware of the least breath. +Perhaps after this spoliation of our moral skin a new surface will be +formed, and those who return will be for the time brutally insensitive. +Never mind: this condition of crisis for the soul cannot remain without +profit. + +Yesterday we were in a pretty Meuse village, all the more charming in +contrast with the surrounding ruins. + +I was able to have a shirt washed, and while it dried I talked to the +excellent woman who braves death every day to maintain her hearth. She +has three sons, all three soldiers, and the news she has of them is +already old. One of them passed within a few kilometres of her: his +mother knew it and was not able to see him. Another of these Frenchwomen +keeps the house of her son-in-law who has six children. . . . + +For you, duty lies in acceptance of all and, at the same time, in the +most perfect confidence in eternal justice. + +Do not dwell upon the personality of those who pass away and of those +who are left; such things are weighed only with the scales of men. We +must gauge in ourselves the enormous value of what is better and greater +than humanity. + +Dear mother, absolute confidence. In what? We both already know. + + +_October 30, 10 o'clock._ + +Up till now I have possessed the wisdom that renounces all, but now I +hope for a wisdom that accepts all, turning towards what may be to come. +What matter if the trap opens beneath the steps of the runner. True, he +does not attain his end, but is he wiser who remains motionless under +the pretext that he might fall? + + +_November 1, All Saints', 8 o'clock._ + +Last night I received your card of 24-25th. While you were looking at +that moon, clouded from us, you were very wrong to feel yourself so +helpless; how much reason had you to hope! At that very moment I was +being protected by Providence in a way that rebukes all pride. + +The next day we had the most lovely dawn over the deeply coloured autumn +woods in this country where I made my sketches of three years ago; but +just here the landscape becomes accentuated and enlarged and acquires a +pathetic majesty. How can I tell you the grandeur of the horizon! We are +remaining in this magnificent place, and this is All Saints' Day! + +At the moment, I write to you in the silvery light of a sun rising over +the valley mists; we are conscious of the sleeping country for forty +kilometres around, and battle hardly disturbs the religious gravity of +the scene. + +Do love my proposed picture! It makes a bond with my true career. If it +is vouchsafed to me to return, the form of the picture may change, but +its essence is contained in the sketch. + +_Mid-day._--Splendid All Saints' Day profaned by violence. + +Glory of the day. . . . + + +_November 2, All Souls'._ + +Splendid feast of sun and of joy in the glorious beauty of a Meusian +landscape. Hope confines itself in the heart, not daring to insult the +grief of those for whom this day is perhaps the first day of +bereavement. + +Dear beloved mother, twenty-eight years ago you were in a state of +mourning and hope to-day, the agony is as full of hope as then. It is at +a different age that these new trials occur, but a whole life of +submission prepares the way to supreme wisdom. + +What joy is this perpetual thrill in the heart of Nature! That same +horizon of which I had watched the awakening, I saw last night bathe +itself in rosy light; then the full moon went up into a tender sky, +fretted by coral and saffron trees. + +Dear, the frightful record of martyrdom of the best French youth cannot +go on indefinitely. It is impossible that the flower of a whole race can +disappear. + +There must be some nobler task than war for the nation's genius! I have +a secret conviction of a better near future. May our courage and our +union lead us to this better thing. Hope, hope always! I received +grandmother's dear letter and M.R.'s kind and affectionate card. + +Dear, have you this beautiful sun to-day? How noble is the country and +how good is Nature! To him who listens she says that nothing will ever +be lost. + + +_November 4, 10 o'clock._ + +I live only through your thoughts and in the blessings of Nature. This +morning our chiefs menaced us with a march of twenty kilometres, and +this threat fulfilled itself in the form of a charming walk in the +landscape that I love so much. + +Exquisite vapours, which we see lifting hour by hour at the call of a +temperate sun; and, yonder, those high plateaux which command a vast +panorama, where everything is finely drawn, or rather is just felt in +the mist. . . . + +There are hills furnished with bare trees holding up their charming +profiles. I think of the primitives, of their sensitive and +conscientious landscapes. What scrupulous majesty, of which the first +sight awes with its grandeur, and the detail is profoundly moving! + +You see, dear mother, how God dispenses blessings that are far greater +than griefs. It is not even a question of patience, since time has no +longer any meaning for us, for it is not a matter of any calculable +duration. But then, what richness of emotion in each present minute! + +This then is our life, of which I wrote to you that not one event must +make of it something unachieved, interrupted; and I hope to preserve +this wisdom. But at the same time I want to ally it with another wisdom +which looks to the future, even if the future is forbidden to us. Yes, +let us take all from the hands of the present (and the present brings us +so many treasures!), but let us also prepare for the future. + + +_November 5, 8 o'clock._ + +DEAR MOTHER,--Do not hide from me anything of what happens in Paris, of +your cares, or your occupations. All that you will decide is for the +best. My own happiness, in the midst of all this, lies just in that +security I have in thinking of your spirit. + +The weather is still exquisite and very soft. To-day, without leaving +the beautiful region to which we came on September 20th, we have +returned to the woods. I like that less than the wide open view, but +there is prettiness here too. And then the sky, now that the leaves have +fallen, is so beautiful and so tender. + +I have written to C----. I will write to Mme. C----. I hope for a letter +from you. If you knew how much the longer is a day without news! It is +true I have your old letters, but the new letter has a fragrance which I +now can't do without. + + +_November 6._ + +Yesterday, without knowing why, I was a little sad: what soldiers call +_avoir le cafard_. My sadness arose from my having parted the day before +with a book of notes which I had decided to send to you in a package. +The events of the day before yesterday, albeit pacific, had so hustled +me that I was not able to attend to this unfortunate parcel as I should +have liked. Also, I was divided between two anxieties: the first, lest +the package should not reach you, and lest these notes, which have been +my life from the 1st to the 20th of October, should be lost. The second, +on the contrary, was lest it should reach you before the arrival of +explaining letters, which might seem strange to you, the sending-off +having probably been done in another name, and the cover of my copybook +bearing my directions that the notes should be forwarded to you if +necessary. + + * * * * * + +. . . To-day we are living in the most intimate and delicate Corot +landscape. + +From the barn where we have established our outpost, I see, first, the +road with puddles left by the rain; then some tree-stumps; then, beyond +a meadow, a line of willows beside a charming running stream. In the +background, a few houses are veiled in a light mist, keeping the +delicate darks which our dear landscape-painter felt so nobly. + +Such is the peace of this morning. Who would believe that one has but to +turn one's head, and there is nothing but conflagration and ruin!. . . + + +_November 7, 8 A.M._ + +I have just had your card of the 30th announcing the sending-off of a +packet. How kind this is! how much thought is given to us! All this +sweetness is appreciated to the full. + +Yesterday, a delicious November day. This morning, too much fog for the +enjoyment of nature. But yesterday afternoon! + +Delicate, refined weather, in which everything is etched as it were on a +misty mirror. The bare shrubs, near our post, have been visited by a +flock of green birds, with white-bordered wings; the cocks have black +heads with a white spot. How can I tell you what it was to hear the +solitary sound of their flight in this stillness!--That is one good +thing about war: there can be only a certain amount of evil in the +world; now, all of this being used by man against man, beasts at any +rate are so much the better off--at least the beasts of the wood, our +customary victims. + +If you could only see the confidence of the little forest animals, such +as the field-mice! The other day, from our leafy shelter I watched the +movements of these little beasts. They were as pretty as a Japanese +print, with the inside of their ears rosy like a shell. And then another +time we watched the migration of the cranes: it is a moving thing to +hear them cry in the dusk. + + * * * * * + +. . . What a happiness to see that you are drawing. Yes, do this for us +both. If you knew how I itch to express in paint all our emotions! If +you have read my letters of all this time you will know my privation, +but also my happiness. + +_Monday, November 9, 7 o'clock._ + +. . . We have returned to the wide open view that I love so much. +Unfortunately we can only catch a glimpse of it through mouse-holes. +Well, it is always so!. . . + +. . . All these days I have been feeling the charm of a country lying in +autumn sweetness. This peace was troubled yesterday by the poignant +sight of a burning village. It is not the first we have seen, and yet we +have not grown used to it. + +We had taken up our observation-posts; it was still dark. From our +height we saw the tremendous flare and, at daybreak, the charming +village, sheltering in the valley, was nothing but smoke. This, in the +silvery nimbus of a glorious morning. + +From our mouse-trap we had looked to the distance with its prettily +winding road, its willow-bordered stream, its Calvary: all this harmony +to end in the horror of destruction. + +The Germans had set fire to it by hand in the night; they had been +dislodged from it after two nights of fierce fighting: their action may +be interpreted as an intention to retreat at this point. This +proceeding, generally detested by our soldiers, is, I think, forced by +strategic necessity. When a village is destroyed it is very difficult +for us in the rear to make any kind of use of it. All day we have been +witnessing this devastation, while above our heads the little field-mice +are taking advantage of the straw in which we are to sleep. + +Our existence, as infantry, is a little like that of rabbits in the +shooting season. The more knowing of us, at any rate, are perpetually on +the look-out for a hole. As soon as we are buried in it, we are ordered +not to move again. These wise orders are unfortunately not always given +with discrimination; thus, yesterday there were four of us in an +advance-trench situated in a magnificent spot and perfectly hidden +beneath leaves. We should have been able to delight in the landscape but +for the good corporal, who was afraid to allow us even a little +enjoyment of life. Later the artillery came up with a tremendous din and +showed us the use of these superlative precautions. + +None the less, I have been able to enjoy the landscape--alas! a scene of +smoke and tragedy yesterday. Be sure, beloved mother, that I do not wish +to commit a single imprudence, but certainly this war is the triumph of +Fate, of Providence and Destiny. + +I pray ardently to deserve the grace of return, but apart from a few +moments of only human impatience, I can say that the greater part of my +being is given up to resignation. + + +_November 10, 11 o'clock._ + +MY VERY DEAR MOTHER,--What shall I say to you to-day--a day monotonous +with fog. Occupations that are stupefying, not in themselves, but +because of the insipid companionship. I fall back on myself. Yesterday I +wrote you a long letter, telling you among other things how dear your +letters are to me. When I began to write on this sheet I was a little +weary and troubled, but now that I am with you I become happy, and I +immediately remember whatever good fortune this day has brought me. + +This morning the lieutenant sent me to get some wire from headquarters, +in a devastated village which we have surrounded for six weeks. I went +down through the orchards full of the last fallen plums. A few careless +soldiers were gathering them up into baskets. A charming scene, purely +pastoral and bucolic, in spite of the red trousers--very faded after +three months' campaign. . . . + +I am happy in the affection of Ch---- R----. His is a nature according +in all its elements with my own. I am sure that he will not be cross +with me for not writing, especially if you give a kind message from me +to his wife. + +The little task confided to me meant walking from nightfall until nine +o'clock, but I occasionally lay down in a shelter or in a barn instead +of getting back to the trenches for the night. + +I do not have good nights of reading now, but sometimes when S---- and I +are lying side by side in the trench, you would not believe what a +mirage we evoke and what joy we have in stirred-up memories. Ah, how +science and intellectual phenomena lead us into a very heaven of +legends, and what pleasure I get from the marvellous history of this +metal, or that acid! For me the thousand and one nights are renewing +themselves. And then at waking, sometimes, the blessing of a dawn. That +is the life I have led since the 13th or 14th of October. I ask for +nothing, I am content that in such a war we should have relatively a +great deal of calm. + +You cannot imagine what a consolation it is to know that you give your +heart to what concerns me. What pleasure I have in imagining you +interested in my books, looking at my engravings!. . . + +_November 12, 3 o'clock._ + +. . . To-day we have had a march as pleasant as the first one, in weather +of great beauty. We saw, in the blue and rosy distance, the far-off peak +of the Metz hills, and the immense panorama scattered over with +villages, some of which gathered up the morning light, while others were +merely suggested. + +This is the broad outline of our existence: for three days we stay close +to the enemy, living in well-constructed shelters which are improved +each time; then we spend three days a little way back; and then three +days in billets in a neighbouring village, generally the same. We even +gradually form habits--very passing ones, but still, we have a certain +amount of contact with the civil population which has been so sorely +tried. The woollen things are very effectual and precious. + +. . . We have good people to deal with. The dear woman from whose dwelling +I write to you, and with whom I stayed before, wears herself to death +to give us a little of what reminds us of home. + +But, dear mother, what reminds me of home is here in my heart. It is not +eating on plates or sitting on a chair that counts. It is your love, +which I feel so near. . . . + + +_November 14._ + +Since half-past eight on the evening of the 12th we have been dragged +about from place to place in the prospect of our taking part in a +violent movement. We left at night, and in the calm of nature my +thoughts cleared themselves a little, after the two days in billets +during which one becomes a little too material. Our reinforcement went +up by stealth. We awaited our orders in a barn, where we slept on the +floor. Then we filed into the woods and fields, which the day, breaking +through grey, red, and purple clouds, slowly lit up, in surroundings the +most romantic and pathetic that could be imagined. In the full daylight +of a charming morning we learnt that the troops ahead of us had +inflicted enormous losses on the enemy, and had even made a very slight +advance. We then returned to our usual posts, and here I am again, +beholding once more the splendour of the French country, so touching in +this grey, windy, and impassioned November, with sunshine thrown in +patches upon infinite horizons. + +Dear mother, how beautiful it is, this region of spacious dignity, where +all is noble and proportioned, where outlines are so beautifully +defined!--the road bordered with trees diminishing towards the frontier, +hills, and beyond them misty heights which one guesses to be the German +Vosges. There is the scenery, and here is something better than the +scenery. There is a Beethoven melody and a piece by Liszt called +'Benediction de Dieu dans la solitude.' Certainly we have no solitude, +but if you turn the pages of Albert Samain's poems you will find an +aphorism by Villiers de l'Isle-Adam: 'Know that there will always be +solitude on earth for those who are worthy of it.' This solitude of a +soul that can ignore all that is not in tune with it. . . . + +I have had two letters from you, of the 6th and 7th. Perhaps this +evening I shall have another. Do not let us allow our courage to be +concerned only with the waiting for letters from each other. But the +letters are our life, they are what bring us our joys, our happiness, it +is through them that we take delight in the sights of this world and of +this time. + +If your eyes are not strong, that is a reason for not writing, but apart +from your health do not by depriving me of letters hold back your heart +from me. + + +_November 14_ (2nd letter). + +DEAR MOTHER WHOM I LOVE,--Here we are again in our usual billet, and my +heart is full of thoughts all tending towards you. I cannot tell you all +that I feel in every moment, yet how much I should like to share with +you the many pleasures that come one by one even in this monotonous life +of ours, as a broken thread drops its pearls. + +I should like to be able to admire with you this lovely cloud, this +stretch of country which so fills us with reverence, to listen with you +to the poetry of the wind from beyond the mountain, as when we walked +together at Boulogne. But here a great many prosaic occupations prevent +me from speaking to you as I feel. + +I sent you with my baggage my note-book from August 18 to October 20.[2] +These notes were made when we could easily get at our light bags, in the +calm of our trench-days, when our danger stopped our chattering, and I +could let my heart speak. I found a happiness more intense, wider and +fuller, to write to you about. That was a time of paradise for me. But I +don't like the billets, because the comfort and the security, relaxing +our minds, bring about a great deal of uproar which I don't like. You +know how much I have always needed quiet and solitude. Still, I have +excellent friends, and the officers are very kind. + +But with a little patience and a few thoughts about you I can be happy. +How kind this first half of November has been! I have not suffered once +from cold. And how lovely it was! That All Saints' Day was nothing but a +long hymn--from the night, with its pure moonlight on the dark amber of +the autumn trees, to the tender twilight. The immense rosy dream of +this misty plain, stretching out towards the near hills. . . . What a +song of praise! and many days since then have sung the glory of God. +Coeli ennarrant. . . . + +That is what those days brought to me. + +[Footnote 2: Part of this note-book has already been given.] + + +_November 15, 7 o'clock._ + +Yesterday the wild weather, fine to see from the shelter of our billet, +brought me apprehensions for to-night's departure, but when I woke the +sky was the purest and starriest that one could dream of! How grateful I +felt! + +What we fear most is the rain, which penetrates through everything when +we are without fire or shelter. The cold is nothing--we are armed +against it beforehand. + +. . . In spite of all, how much I appreciated the sight of this vast plain +upon which we descended, lashed by the great wind. Above the low horizon +was the wide grey sky in which, here and there, pale rents recalled the +vanished blue.--A black, tragic Calvary in silhouette--then some +skeleton trees! What a place! This is where I can think of you, and of +my beloved music. To-day I have the atmosphere that I want. + +. . . I should like to define the form of my conviction of better things +in the near future, resulting from this war. These events prepare the +way to a new life: that of the United States of Europe. + +After the conflict, those who will have completely and filially +fulfilled their obligation to their country will find themselves +confronted by duties yet more grave, and the realisation of things that +are now impossible. Then will be the time for them to throw their +efforts into the future. They must use their energies to wipe out the +trace of the shattering contact of nations. The French Revolution, +notwithstanding its mistakes, notwithstanding some backsliding in +practice, some failure in construction, did none the less establish in +man's soul this fine theory of national unity. Well! the horrors of the +1914 war lead to the unity of Europe, to the unity of the race. This new +state will not be established without blows and spoliation and strife +for an indefinite time, but without doubt the door is now open towards +the new horizon. + + +To Madame C----. + +_November 16._ + +MY DEAR FRIEND,--How much pleasure and comfort your letter gives me, and +how your warm friendship sustains my courage! + +What you say to me about my mother binds me closer to existence. Thank +you for your splendid and constant affection. + +. . . What shall I tell you of my life? Through the weariness and the +vicissitudes I am upheld by the contemplation of Nature which for two +months has been accumulating the emotion and the pathos of this +impassioned season. One of my habitual stations is on the heights which +overlook the immense Woevre plain. How beautiful it is! and what a +blessing to follow, each hour of the day and evening, the kindling +colours of the autumn leaves! This frightful human uproar cannot succeed +in troubling the majestic serenity of Nature! There are moments when man +seems to go beyond anything that could be imagined; but a soul that is +prepared can soon perceive the harmony which overlooks and reconciles +all this dissonance. Do not think that I remain insensible to the agony +of scenes that we behold all too often: villages wiped out by the +artillery that is hurled upon them; smoke by day, light by night; the +misery of a flying population under shell-fire. Each instant brings some +shock straight to one's heart. That is why I take refuge in this high +consolation, because without some discipline of the heart I could not +suffer thus and not be undone. + + +_November 17, in the morning._ + +DEAR MOTHER,-- . . . I write to you in the happiness of the dawn over my +dear village. The night, which began with rain, has brought us again a +pure and glorious sky. I see once more my distant horizons, my peaked +hills, the harmonious lines of my valleys. From this height where I +stand who would guess that agricultural and peaceful village to be in +reality nothing but a heap of ruins, in which not a house is spared, and +in which no human being can survive the hell of artillery! + +As I write, the sun falls upon the belfry which I see framed in the +still sombre tree close beside me, while far away, beneath the last +hills, the last swelling of the ground, the plain begins to reveal its +precious detail in the rosy and golden atmosphere. + + +_November 17, 11 o'clock._ + +The splendid weather is my great consolation. I live rather like an +invalid sent to some magnificent country, whom the treatment compels to +unpleasant and fatiguing occupations. Between Leysin and the trench +where I am at present there has been only uncertainty. Nothing new has +happened to our company since October 13. + +This is a strange kind of war. It is like that between neighbours on bad +terms. Consider that some of the trenches are separated from the enemy +by hardly 100 metres, and that the combatants fling projectiles across +with their hands: you see that these neighbours make use of violent +methods. + +As for me, I really live only when I am with you, and when I feel the +splendour of the surroundings. + +Even in the middle of conversations, I am able to preserve the +sensation of solitude of thought which is necessary to me. + + +_November 18._ + +This morning, daylight showed us a country covered with hoar-frost, a +universal whiteness over hills and forest. My little village looks +thoroughly chilled. + +I had spent the greater part of the night in a warm shelter, and I could +have stayed there, thanks to the kindness of my superiors, but I am +foolish and timid, and I rejoined my comrades from 1 o'clock till +half-past 4. + +Curiously enough, we can easily bear the cold: an admirable article of +clothing, which nearly all of us possess, is a flour-sack which can be +worn, according to the occasion, as a little shoulder-cape, or as a bag +for the feet. In either case it is an excellent preserver of heat. + + +_11 o'clock._ + +For the moment there runs in my mind a pretty and touching air by +Handel. Also, an allegro from our organ duets: joyful and brilliant +music, overflowing with life. Dear Handel! Often he consoles me. + +Beethoven comes back only rarely to my mind, but when his music does +awake in me, it touches something so vital that it is always as though a +hand were drawing aside a curtain from the mystery of the Creation. + +Poor dear Great Masters! Shall it be counted a crime against them that +they were Germans? How is it possible to think of Schumann as a +barbarian? + +Yesterday this country recalled to my mind what you played to me ten +years ago, the Rheingold: 'Libre etendu sur la hauteur.' But the outlook +of our French art had this superiority over the beautiful music of that +wretched man--it had composure and clarity and reason. Yes, our French +art was never turbid. + +As for Wagner, however beautiful his music, and however irresistible and +attractive his genius, I believe it would be a less substantial loss to +French taste to be deprived of him than of his great classical +compatriots. + + * * * * * + +I can say with truth that in those moments when the idea of a possible +return comes to me, it is never the thought of the comfort or the +well-being that preoccupies me. It is something higher and nobler which +turns my thoughts towards this form of hope. Can I say that it is even +something different from the immense joy of our meeting again? It is +rather the hope of taking up again our common effort, our association, +of which the aim is the development of our souls, and the best use we +can make of them upon earth. + + +_November 19, in the morning._ + +MY VERY DEAR MOTHER,--To-day I was wakened at dawn by a violent +cannonade, unusual at that hour. Just then some of the men came back +frozen by a night in the trenches. I got up to fetch them some wood, and +then, on the opposite slope of the valley, the fusillade burst out +fully. I mounted as high as I could, and I saw the promise of the sun in +the pure sky. + +Suddenly, from the opposite hill (one of those hills I love so much), I +heard an uproar, and shouting: 'Forward! Forward!' It was a bayonet +charge. This was my first experience of one--not that I saw anything; +the still-dark hour, and, probably, the disposition of the ground, +prevented me. But what I heard was enough to give me the feeling of the +attack. + +Up till then I had never imagined how different is the courage required +by this kind of anonymous warfare from the traditional valour in war, as +conceived by the civilian. And the clamour of this morning reminds me, +in the midst of my calm, that young men, without any personal motive of +hate, can and must fling themselves upon those who are waiting to kill +them. + +But the sun rises over my country. It lightens the valley, and from my +height I can see two villages, two ruins, one of which I saw ablaze for +three nights. Near to me, two crosses made of white wood. . . . French +blood flows in 1914. . . . + + +_November 20._ + +From the window near which I write I see the rising sun. It shines upon +the hoar-frost, and gradually I discover the beautiful country which is +undergoing such horrors. It appears that there were many victims in the +bayonet charge which I heard yesterday. Among others, we are without +tidings of two sections of the regiment which formed part of our +brigade. While these others were working out their destiny, I was on the +crest of the most beautiful hill (I was very much exposed also at other +times). I saw the daybreak; I was full of emotion in beholding the peace +of Nature, and I realised the contrast between the pettiness of human +violence and the majesty of the surroundings. + +That time of pain for you, from September 9th to October 13th, +corresponds exactly with my first phase of war. On September 9th I +arrived, and detrained almost within reach of the terrible battle of the +Marne, which was in progress 35 kilometres away. On the 12th I rejoined +the 106th, and thenceforward led the life of a combatant. On October +13th, as I told you, we left the lovely woods, where the enemy artillery +and infantry had done a lot of mischief among us, especially on the 3rd. +Our little community lost on that day a heart of gold, a wonderful boy, +grown too good to live. On the 4th, an excellent comrade, an +architectural student, was wounded fairly severely in the arm, but the +news which he has since sent of himself is good. Then until the 13th, +terrible day, we lived through some hard times, especially as the +danger, real enough, was exaggerated by the feeling of suffocation and +of the unknown which hemmed us round in those woods, so fine at any +other time. + +The important thing is to bear in mind the significance of every moment. +The problem is of perpetual urgency. On one side the providential +blessing, up till the present, of complete immunity. On the other, the +hazards of the future. That is how our wish to do good should be applied +to the present moment. There is no satisfaction to be had in questioning +the future, but I believe that every effort made now will avail us then. +It is a heroic struggle to sustain, but let us count not only on +ourselves but on another force so much more powerful than our human +means. + + +_November 21._ + +To-day we lead a _bourgeoise_ life, almost too comfortable. The cold +keeps us with the extraordinary woman who lodges us whenever we visit +the village where we are billeted three days out of nine. + +I will not tell you about the pretty view from the window where I write, +but I will speak of the interior which shelters many of our days. By day +we live in two rooms divided by a glass partition, and, looking through +from one room to another, we can admire either the fine fire in the +great chimney-place or the magnificent wardrobe and the Meuse beds made +of fine old brass. All the delicate life of these two old women (the +mother, 87 years old, and the daughter) is completely disorganised by +the roughness, the rudeness, the kind hearts and the generosity of the +soldiers. These women accept all that comes and are most devoted. + +As for Spinoza, whose spirit you already possess, I think that you can +go straight to the last theorems. You will be sure to have intuitive +understanding of what he says about the soul's repose. Yes, those are +moments experienced by us too rarely in our weakness, but they suffice +to let us discover in ourselves, through the blows and buffetings of our +poor human nature, a certain tendency towards what is permanent and +what is final; and we realise the splendid inheritance of divinity to +which we are the heirs. + + * * * * * + +Dear mother, what a happy day I have just spent with you. + +There were three of us: we two and the pretty landscape from my window. + +Seen from here, winter gives a woolly and muffled air to things. Two +clouds, or rather mists, wrap the near hillside without taking any +delicacy from the drawing of the shrubs on the crest; the sky is light +green. All is filtered. Everything sleeps. This is the time for +night-attacks, the cries of the charge, the watch in the trenches. Let +our prayers of every moment ask for the end of this state of things. Let +us wish for rest for all, a great amends, recompense for all grief and +pain and separation. + +YOUR SON. + + +_Sunday, November 22, 9.30._ + +I write to you this morning from my favourite place, without anything +having happened since last night that is worth recording--save perhaps +the thousand flitting nothings in the landscape. I got up with the sun, +which now floods all the space with silver. The cold is still keen, but +by piling on our woollen things we get the better of it on these nights +in billets. There is only this to say: that to-morrow we go to our +trenches in the second line, in the woods that are now thin and +monotonous. Of our three stations, that is the one I perhaps like the +least, because the sky is exiled behind high branches. It is more a +landscape for R----, but flat, and spoilt by the kind of existence that +one leads there. + +Hostilities seem to be recommencing in our region with a certain amount +of energy. This morning we can hear a violent fusillade, a thing very +rare in this kind of war, in which attacks are generally made at night, +the day being practically reserved for artillery bombardments. + +Dear mother, let us put our hope in the strength of soul which will make +petition each hour, each minute. . . . + + * * * * * + +. . . Yes, it gives me pleasure to tell you about my life; it is a fine +life in so many ways. Often, at night, as I walk along the road where +my little duty takes me, I am full of happiness to be able thus to +communicate with the greatness of Nature, with the sky and its +harmonious pattern of stars, with the large and gracious curves of these +hills; and though the danger is always present, I think that not only +your courage, your consciousness of the eternal, but also your love for +me will make you approve of my not stopping perpetually to puzzle over +the enigma. + +So my present life brings extreme degrees of feeling, which cannot be +measured by time. Feeling produced, for instance, by beautiful leafage, +the dawn, a delicate landscape, a touching moon. These are all things in +which qualities at once fleeting and permanent isolate the human heart +from all preoccupations which lead us in these times either to +despairing anxiety, or to abject materialism, or again to a cheap +optimism, which I wish to replace by the high hope that is common to us +all, and which does not rely on human events. + +All my tenderness and constant love for grandmother; for you, courage, +calm, perfect resignation without effort. + + +_November 23._ + +DEAR MOTHER,--Here we are arrived in our shelters in the second line. We +lodge in earth huts, where the fire smokes us out as much as it warms +us. The weather, which during the night was overcast, has given us a +charming blue and rosy morning. Unfortunately the woods have less to say +to me than the marvellous spaces of our front lines. Still, all is +beautiful here. + +Yesterday my day was made up of the happiness of writing to you; I went +into the village church without being urged by a single romantic feeling +nor any desire for comfort from without. My conception of divine harmony +did not need to be supported by any outward form, or popular symbol. + +Then I had the great good fortune to go with a carriage into the +surrounding country. Oh, the marvellous landscape--still of blue and +rosy colour, paled by the mist! All this rich and luminous delicacy +found definite accents in the abrupt spots made by people scattered +about the open. My landscape, always primitive in its precision, now +took on a subtlety of nuances, a richness of variety essentially modern. + +One moment I recalled the peculiar outer suburbs of Paris with their +innumerable notes and their suppressed effects. But here there is more +frankness and candour. Here everything was simply rose and blue against +a pale grey ground. + +My driver, getting into difficulty with his horse, entrusted the whip to +me to touch up the animal: I must have looked like a little mechanical +toy. + +We passed by the Calvaries which keep guard over the Meuse villages, a +few trees gathered round the cross. + + +_November 24, 3.30_ +(back from the march). + +I have just received a letter of the 16th and a card, and a dear letter +of the 18th. These two last tell me of the arrival of my packet. How +glad I am to hear that! For a moment I asked myself whether I was right +to send you these impressions, but, between us two, life has never been +and can never be anything but a perpetual investigation in the region +of eternal truths, fervent attention to the truth each earthly spectacle +presents. And so I do not regret sending you those little notes. + +My worst sufferings were during the rainy days of September. Those days +are a bitter memory to every one. We slept interlocked, face against +face, hands crossed, in a deluge of water and mud. It would be +impossible to imagine our despair. + +To crown all, after these frightful hours, they told us that the enemy +was training his machine-guns upon us, and that we must attack him. +However, we were relieved; the explosion was violent. + +As for my still unwritten verse, '_Soleil si pale_,' etc., it relates to +the 11th, 12th, and 13th of October, and, generally, to the time of the +battle in the woods, which lasted for our regiment from September 22nd +to October 13th. What struck me so much was to see the sun rise upon the +victims. + +Since then I have written nothing, but for a prayer which I sent you +five or six days ago. I composed it while I was on duty on the road. + + +_November 25, in the morning._ + +. . . Yesterday, in the course of that march, I lived in a picture by my +beloved primitives. Coming out of the wood, as we went down a long road, +we had close by us a large farm-house, plumed by a group of bare trees +beside a frozen pool. + +Then, in the under-perspective so cleverly used by my dear painters with +their air of simplicity, a road, unwinding itself, with its slopes and +hills, bound in by shrubs, and some solitary trees: all this precise, +fine, etched, and yet softened. A little bridge spanning a stream, a man +on horseback passing close to the little bridge, carefully silhouetted, +and then a little carriage: delicate balance of values, discreet, yet +well maintained--all this in front of a horizon of noble woods. A kind +of grey weather which has replaced the enchantment, so modern in +feeling, of the nuances of last Sunday, takes me back to that incisive +consciousness which moves us as a Breughel and the other masters, whose +names escape me. Like this, too, the clear and orderly thronging in +Albert Duerer backgrounds. + + +_November 26._ + +DEAREST MOTHER,--I didn't succeed in finishing this letter yesterday. We +were very busy. And now to-day it is still dark. From my dug-out, where +I have just arrived in the front line, I send you my great love; I am +very happy. I feel that the work I am to do in future is taking shape in +myself. What does it matter if Providence does not allow me to bring it +to light? I have firm hope, and above all I have confidence in eternal +justice, however it may surprise our human ideas. . . . + + +_November 28._ + +The position we occupy is 45 metres away from the enemy. The roads of +approach are curious and even picturesque in their harshness, emphasised +by the greyness of the weather. + +Our troops, having dodged by night the enemy's vigilance, and come up +from the valley to the mid-heights where the rising ground protects them +from the infantry fire, find shelters hollowed from the side of the +hill, burrows where those who are not on guard can have some sleep and +the warmth of an Improvised hearth. Then, farther on, just where the +landscape becomes magnificent in freedom, expanse, and light, the +winding furrow, called the communication trench, begins. Concealed thus, +we arrive in the trench, and it is truly a spectacle of war, severe and +not without grandeur--this long passage which has a grey sky for +ceiling, and in which the floor is covered over with recent snow. Here +the last infantry units are stationed--units, generally, of feeble +effective. The enemy is not more than a hundred metres away. From there +continues the communication trench, more and more deep and winding, in +which I feel anew the emotion I always get from contact with newly +turned earth. The excavating for the banking-up works stirs something in +me: it is as if the energy of this disembowelled earth took hold of me +and told me the history of life. + +Two or three sappers are at work lengthening the hollows, watched by the +Germans who, from point to point, can snipe the insufficiently protected +places. At this end the last sentry guards about forty metres. + +You can picture the contrast between all this military organisation and +the peace that used to reign here. Think what an astonishment it is to +me to remember that where I now look the labourer once walked behind his +plough, and that the sun, whose glory I contemplate as a prisoner +contemplates liberty, shone upon him freely on these heights. + +Then, too, when at dusk I come out into the open, what an ecstasy! I +won't speak to you of this, for I feel I must be silent about these +joys. They must not be exposed: they are birds that love silence. . . . +Let us confine our speech to that essential happiness which is not +easily affrighted--the happiness of feeling ourselves prepared equally +for all. + +_November 29, in the morning_ +(from a billet). + +MY VERY DEAR MOTHER,--Yesterday evening I left the first line trenches +in broken weather which, in the night, after my arrival here, turned +into rain. I watch it falling through the fog from my favourite window. +If you like I will tell you of the wonders I saw yesterday. + +From the position described in my letter of yesterday, can be seen, as +I have often written to you, the most marvellous horizon. Yesterday a +terrible wind rent a low veil of clouds which grew red at their summits. +Perhaps the background of my 'Haheyna' will give you a faint idea of +what it was. But how much more majestic and full of animation was the +emotion I experienced yesterday. + +The hills and valleys passed in turn from light to shade, now defined, +now veiled, according to the movement of the mists. High up, blue spaces +fringed with light. + +Such was the beauty of yesterday. Shall I speak of the evenings that +went before, when, on my way along the road, the moon brought out the +pattern of the trees, the pathetic Calvaries, the touching spectacle of +houses which one knew were ruins, but which night seemed to make stand +forth again like an appeal for peace. + +I am glad to see you like Verlaine. Read the fine preface by Coppee to +the selected works, which you will find in my library. + +His fervour has a spontaneity, I might almost say a grossness, which +always repels me a little, just because it belongs to that kind of +Catholic fervour which on its figurative side will always leave me cold. +But what a poet! + +He has been my almost daily delight both here and when I was in Paris; +often the music of his _Paysages Tristes_ comes back to me, exactly +expressing the emotion of certain hours. His life is as touching as that +of a sick animal, and one almost wonders that a like indignity has not +withered the exquisite flowers of his poetry. His conversion, that of an +artist rather than of a thinker, followed on a great upsetting of his +existence which resulted from grave faults of his. (He was in prison.) + +In the _Lys Rouge_ Anatole France has drawn a striking portrait of him, +under the name of Choulette; perhaps you will find we have this book. + +In _Sagesse_ the poems are fine and striking because of the true impulse +and sincerity of the remorse. A little as though the cry of the _Nuit de +Mai_ resounded all through his work. + +Our two great poets of the last century, Musset and Verlaine, were two +unhappy beings without any moral principle with which to stake up their +flowers of thought--yet what magnificent and intoxicating flowers. + +Perhaps I tire you when I speak thus on random subjects, but to do so +enables me to plunge back into my old life for a little while. Since I +had the happiness of getting your letters, I have not taken note of +anything. Do not think that distractions by the way make me forgetful of +our need and hope, but I believe it is just the beautiful adornment of +life which gives it, for you and me, its value. + +I am still expecting letters from you after that of the 22nd, but I am +sure to get them here in this billet. Thank you for the parcel you +promise: poor mothers, what pains they all take! + + +_December 1, in the morning_ +(from a billet). + +I remember the satisfaction I felt in my freedom when I was exempted +from my military duties. It seemed to me that if, at twenty-seven years +old, I had been obliged to return to the regiment, my life and career +would have been irretrievably lost. And here I am now, twenty-eight +years old, back in the army, far from my work, my responsibilities, my +ambitions--and yet never has life brought me such a full measure of +finer feelings; never have I been able to record such freshness of +sensibility, such security of conscience. So those are the blessings +arising out of the thing which my reasonable human foresight envisaged +as disaster. And thus continues the lesson of Providence which, +upsetting all my fears, makes good arise out of every change of +situation. + +The two last sunrises, yesterday and to-day, were lovely. . . . + +I feel inclined to make you a little sketch of the view from my +window. . . . + + * * * * * + +It is done from memory; in your imagination you must add streaks of +purple colour, making the most dramatic effect, and an infinite stretch +of open country to right and left. This is what I have been able again +and again to look upon, during this time. At this moment, the soft sky +brings into harmony the orchards where we work. My little job dispenses +me from digging for the time. Such are the happinesses which, from afar, +had the appearance of calamities. + + +_December 1_ (2nd letter). + +I have just received your letters of the 25th, 26th, and 27th, as well +as a dear letter from Grandmother, so valiant, so full of spirit, and so +clear-minded. It gave me great pleasure, and brings me a dear hope, of +which I accept the augury with joy. Each one of your beloved letters, +too, gives me the best of what life holds for me. My first letter of +to-day replies to what you say about the acceptation of trials and the +destruction of idols. + +You will see that I think absolutely as you do, and I trust that there +is in this hour no impeding idol in my heart. . . . + +I think that my last prayer is in fact very simple. The spirit of the +place could not have borne to be clothed in an art that was overloaded. +God was everywhere, and everywhere was harmony: the road at night, of +which I speak to you so often, the starry sky, the valley full of the +murmuring of water, the trees, the Calvaries, the hills near and far. +There would not have been any room for artifice. It is useless for me to +give up being an artist, but I hope always to be sincere and to use art +as it were only for the clothing of my conscience. + + +_December 5, in the morning._ + +. . . We have come out of our burrows, and three days of imprisonment are +followed by a morning in the open. It would be impossible to imagine +such a state of mud. + +Your pretty aluminium watch is the admiration of everybody. + +Is Andre's wound serious? The mothers endure terrible agony in this war, +but courage--nothing will be lost. As for me, I get on all right, and am +as happy as one may be. + +A terrific wind to-day, chasing the fine clouds. Keen air, in which the +branches thrive. Beautiful moonlight on all these nights, all the more +appreciated if one has been cheated of the day. + +Dear, I am writing badly to-day because we are bewildered by the full +daylight after those long hours of darkness, but my heart goes out to +you and rests with you. + +. . . Let us bring to everything the spirit of courage. Let us have +confidence in God always, whatever happens. How much I feel, as you do, +that one can adore Him only with one's spirit! And like you I think that +we must avoid all pride which condemns the ways of other people. Let our +love lead us in union towards the universal Providence. Let us, in +constant prayer, give back our destiny into His hands. Let us humbly +admit to Him our human hopes, trying at every moment to link them to +eternal wisdom. It is a task which now seems full of difficulty, but +difficulty is in everything in life. + + +_Sunday, December 6._ + +I am happy to see you so determinedly courageous. We have need of +courage, or, rather, we have need of something difficult to obtain, +which is neither patience nor overconfidence, but a certain belief in +the order of things, the power to be able to say of every trial that it +is well. + +Our instinct for life makes us try to free ourselves from our +obligations when they are too cruel, too oft-repeated, but, as I am +happy to know, you have been able to see what Spinoza understood by +human liberty. Inaccessible ideal, to which one must cling +nevertheless. . . . + +. . . Dear mother, these trials that we must accept are long, but +notwithstanding their unchanging form one cannot call them monotonous, +since they call upon courage which must be perpetually new. Let us unite +together for God to grant us strength and resource in accepting +everything. . . . + +You know what I call religion: that which unites in man all his ideas of +the universal and the eternal, those two forms of God. Religion, in the +ordinary sense of the word, is but the binding together of certain moral +and disciplinary formulas with the fine poetic imagery of the great +biblical and Christian philosophies. + +Do not let us offend any one. Looked at properly, religious formulas, +however apart they may remain from my own habit of mind, seem to me +praiseworthy and sympathetic in all that they contain of aspiration and +beauty and form. + +Dear mother whom I love, let us always hope: trials are legion, but +beauty remains. Let us pray that we may long continue to contemplate +it. . . . + + +_Monday, December 7._ + +MY BELOVED MOTHER,--I am writing this in the night . . . by six o'clock +in the morning military life will be in full swing. + +My candle is stuck on a bayonet, and every now and then a drop of water +falls on to my nose. My poor companions try to light a reluctant fire. +Our time in the trenches transforms us into lumps of mud. + +The general good humour is admirable. However the men may long to +return, they accept none the less heroically the vicissitudes of the +situation. Their courage, infinitely less 'literary' than mine, is so +much the more practical and adaptable; but each bird has its cry, and +mine has never been a war-cry. I am happy to have felt myself responsive +to all these blows, and my hope lies in the thought that they will have +forged my soul. Also I place confidence in God and whatever He holds in +store for me. + +I seem to foresee my work in the future. Not that I build much on this +presentiment, for all artists have conceived work which has never come +to light. Mozart was about to make a new start when he died, and +Beethoven planned the 'Tenth Symphony' in ignorance of the all too brief +time that was to be allowed him by destiny. + +It is the duty of the artist to open his flowers without dread of frost, +and perhaps God will allow my efforts to fulfil themselves in the +future. My very various attempts at work all have an indescribable +immaturity about them still, a halting execution, which consorts badly +with the real loftiness of the intention. It seems to me that my art +will not quite expand until my life is further advanced. Let us pray +that God will allow me to attain. . . . + +As for what is in your own heart, I have such confidence in your courage +that this certainty is my great comfort in this hour. I know that my +mother has gained that freedom of soul which allows contemplation of the +universal scheme of things. I know from my own experience how +intermittent is this wisdom, but even to taste of it is already to +possess God. It is the security I derive from knowledge of your soul and +your love, that enables me to think of the future in whatever form it +may come. + + +_December 9._ + +DEAR MOTHER,--P---- L----, in his charming letter, tells me he would +willingly exchange his philosophers for a gun. He is quite wrong. For +one thing, Spinoza is a most valuable aid in the trenches; and then it +is those who are still in a position to profit by culture and progress +who must now carry on French thought. They have an overwhelmingly +difficult task, calling for far more initiative than ours. We are free +of all burden. I think our existence is like that of the early monks: +hard, regular discipline and freedom from all external obligations. + + +_December 10_ +(a marvellous morning). + +Our third day in billets brings us the sweetness of friendly weather. +The inveterate deluge of our time in the first line relents a little, +and the sun shows itself timidly. + +Our situation, which has been pleasant enough during the last two +months, may now be expected entirely to change. + +The impregnability of the positions threatens to make the war +interminable; one of the two adversaries must use his offensive to +unlock the situation and precipitate events. I think the high command +faces this probability--and I hardly dare tell you that I cannot regret +anything that increases the danger. + +Our life, of which a third part is flatly bourgeois and the two other +parts present just about the same dangers as, say, chemical works do, +will end by deadening all sensibility. It is true we shall be grieved to +leave what we are used to, but perhaps we were getting too accustomed to +a state of well-being which could not last. + +My own circumstances are perhaps going to change. I shall probably lose +my course, being mentioned for promotion to the rank of corporal, which +means being constantly in the trenches and various duties in the first +line. I hope God will continue to bless me. + +. . . I feel that we have nothing to ask. If there should be in us +something eternal which we must still manifest on earth, we may be sure +that God will let us do it. + + +_December_ 10 (2nd letter). + +Happily you and I live in a domain where everything unites us without +our having to write our thoughts. . . . + +The weather is overcast again and promises us a wet time in the first +and second lines. + +The day declines, and a great melancholy falls too upon everything. This +is the hour of sadness for those who are far away, for all the soldiers +whose hearts are with their homes, and who see night closing down upon +the earth. + +I come to you, and immediately my heart grows warm. I can feel your +attentive tenderness, and the wisdom which inspires your courage. +Sometimes I am afraid of always saying the same thing, but how can I +find new words for my poor love, tossed always through the same +vicissitudes? Now that we are going to set out, perhaps we shall have to +leave behind many cherished keepsakes, but the soul should not be +strongly tied to fetiches. We are fond of clinging to many things, but +love can do without them. + + +_December 12, 10 o'clock_ (card). + +A soft day under the rain. All goes well in our melancholy woods. In +various parts of the neighbourhood there has been a terrible cannonade. + +Received your letters of the 4th and 6th. They brought me happiness: +they are the true joy of life. I am glad you visited C----. I hope to +write to you at greater length. It is not that I have less leisure than +usual, but I am going through a time when I am less sensible to the +beauty of things. I long for true wisdom. . . . + + +_December 12, 7 o'clock._ + +To-day, in spite of the changing beauty of sun and rain, I did not feel +alive to Nature. Yet never was there such grace and goodness in the +skies. + +The landscape, with the little bridge and the man on horseback of which +I have told you, softened under the splendour of the clouds. But I had +lapsed from my former sense of the benediction of God, when suddenly +the beauty, all the beauty, of a certain tree spoke to my inmost heart. +It told me of fairness that never fails; of the greenness of ivy and the +redness of autumn, the rigidity of winter in the branches;--and then I +understood that an instant of such contemplation is the whole of life, +the very reward of existence, beside which all human expectation is +nothing but a bad dream. + + +_Sunday, December 13._ + +. . . After a refreshing night I walked to-day in these woods where for +three months the dead have strewn the ground. To-day the vanishing +autumn displayed its richness, and the same beauty of mossy trunks spoke +to me, as it did yesterday, of eternal joy. + +I am sure it needs an enormous effort to feel all this, but it must be +felt if we are to understand how little the general harmony is disturbed +by that which intolerably assails our emotions. + +We must feel that all human uprooting is only a little thing, and what +is truly ourselves is the life of the soul. + + +_December 14_ (splendid weather, +with all the calm returned). + +We are still here in the region of the first line, but in a place where +we can lift our heads and behold the charm of my Meusian hills, clearing +in the delicate weather. + +Above the village and the orchards I see the lines of birches and firs. +Some have their skeletons coloured with a diaphanous violet marked with +white. Others build up the horizon with stronger lines. + +I have been strengthened by the splendid lesson given me by a beautiful +tree during a march. Ah, dear mother, we may all disappear and Nature +will remain, and the gift I had from her of a moment of herself is +enough to justify a whole existence. That tree was like a soldier. + +You would not believe how much harm has been done to the forests about +here: it is not so much the machine-guns as the frightful amount of +cutting necessary for making our shelters and for our fuel. Ah well, in +the midst of this devastation something told me that there will always +be beauty, in man and in tree. + +For man also gives this lesson, though in him it is less easily +distinguished: it is a fine thing to see the splendid vitality of all +this youth, whose force no harvest can diminish. + + +_December 15, morning._ + +I have had your dear letter of the 9th, in which you speak of our home. +It makes me happy to feel how fine and strong is the force of life which +soon adjusts itself to each separation and uprooting. It makes me happy, +too, to think that my letters find an echo in your heart. Sometimes I +was afraid of boring you, because though our life is so fine in many +ways, it is certainly very primitive, and there are not many salient +things to relate. + +If only I could follow my calling of painter I could have recourse to +these wonderful visions that lie before me, and I could find vent for +all the pent-up artist's emotion that is within me. As it is, in trying +to speak of the sky, the tree, the hill, or the horizon, I cannot use +words as subtle as they, and the infinite variety of these things can +only be named in the same general terms, which I am afraid of constantly +repeating. . . . + + +_December 15._ + +One must adapt oneself to this special kind of life, which is indigent +as far as intellectual activity goes, but marvellously rich in emotion. +I suppose that in troubled times for many centuries there have been men +who, weary of luxury, have sought in the peace of the cloister the +contemplation of eternal things; contemplation threatened by the crowd, +but a refuge even so. And so I think our life is like that of the monks +of old, who were military too, and more apt at fighting than I could +ever be. Among them, those who willed could know the joy which I now +find. + +To-day I have a touching letter from Madame M----, whose spirit I love +and admire. + +Changeable but very beautiful weather. + +It is impossible to say more than we have already said about the +attitude we must adopt in regard to events. The important thing is to +put this attitude in practice. It is not easy, as I have learnt in these +last days, though no new difficulty had arisen to impede my path towards +wisdom. + +. . . Tormenting anxiety can sometimes be mistaken for an alert +conscience. + + +_December 16._ + +Yesterday in our shelter I got out your little album--very much damaged, +alas--and I tried to copy some of the lines of the landscape. I was +stopped by the cold, and I was returning dissatisfied when I suddenly +had the idea of making one of my friends sit for me. How can I tell you +what a joy it was to get a good result! I believe that my little pencil +proved entirely successful. The sketch has been sent away in a letter to +some friend of his. It was such a true joy to me to feel I had not lost +my faculty. + + +_December 17_ (in a new billet). + +. . . Last night we left behind all that was familiar when we came out of +the first-line trenches after three days of perfect peace there. We were +told off to the billet which we occupied on October 6th and 7th. One +can feel in the air the wind of change. I don't know what may come, but +the serenity of the weather to-day seems an augury of happiness. + +These have been days of marvellous scenes, which I can appreciate better +now than during those few days of discouragement, which came because I +allowed myself to reckon things according to our miserable human +standards. + +I write to you by a window from which I watch the sunset. You see that +goodness is everywhere for us. + + +_3 o'clock._ + +. . . I take up this letter once more in the twilight of an exceptional +winter: the day fades away as calmly as it came. I am watching the women +washing clothes under the lines of trees on the river bank; there is +peace everywhere--I think even in our hearts. Night falls. . . . + + +_December 19_ (in a billet). + +A sweet day, ending here round the table. Quiet, drawing, music. I can +think with calm of the length of the days to come when I realise how +swift have been these days that are past. Half the month is gone, and +Christmas comes in the midst of war. The only thing for me is to adapt +myself entirely to these conditions of existence, and, owing to my union +with you, to gain a degree of acceptance which is of an order higher +than human courage. + + +_December 21, morning._ + +MY VERY DEAR MOTHER,--I have told you freely in my letters of my +happiness; but the rock ahead of happiness is that poor humanity is in +perpetual fear of losing it. In spite of all experience, we do not +realise that in the eternal scheme of things a new happiness always +grows at the side of an old one. + +For myself, I have not to look for a new one. I have only to try to +reconcile two wisdoms. One, which is human, prompts me to cultivate my +happiness, but the other teaches me that human happiness is a most +perishable flower. + +We may say: Let us make use of the joys chosen by an upright conscience; +but let us never forget how swiftly these pass. + +Yes, the Holy Scriptures contain the finest and most poetical +philosophy. I think they owe it to their affiliation to the oldest +philosophies. There are many disputable things in Edouard Schure, but +what remains is the divination which made him climb through all doctrine +to the infinitely distant Source of human wisdom. + +Do you know that those touching traditions of the Good Shepherd and the +Divine Mother, so happily employed in our Christian religions, are the +creations of the oldest symbolism? The Greeks derived them from their +own spiritual ancestors; with them the good shepherd was called Hermes, +the god of the migration of souls. In the same way, the type of our +Madonna is the great Demeter, the mother who bears an infant in her +arms. + +One feels that all religions, as they succeeded each other, transmitted +the same body of symbols, renewed each time by humanity's +perpetually-young spirit of poetry. + + +_December 23_ (in the dark). + +I had begun this letter yesterday, when I was forced to leave off. It +was then splendid weather, which has lasted fairly well. But we are now +back again in our first lines. This time we are occupying the village +itself, our pretty Corot village of two months ago. But our outpost is +situated in a house where we are obliged to show no sign of life, so as +to conceal our presence from the enemy. And so here we are at nine +o'clock in the morning, in a darkness that would make it seem to be late +on Christmas eve. + +Your dear letter lately received has given me great joy. It is true that +Grace and Inspiration are two names for the same thing. + +If you are going to see the pictures of the great poet Gustave Moreau, +you will see a panel called _La vie de l'humanite_ (I believe). It +consists of nine sections in three divisions, called _l'Age d'or, l'Age +d'argent, l'Age de fer_. Above is a pediment from which Christ presides +over this human panorama. But this is where this great genius has the +same intuition as you had: each of the three parts bears the name of a +hero--Adam, Orpheus, and Cain, and each one represents three periods. +Now, the periods of the golden age are called Ecstasy, Prayer, and +Sleep, while the periods of the silver age are called Inspiration, Song, +and Tears. + +Ecstasy is the same as Grace, because the picture shows Adam and Eve in +the purity of their souls, in a scene of flowers, and in the enjoyment +of divine contemplation. The harmony of Nature itself urges them on in +their impulse towards God. + +In the silver age, Inspiration is still Grace, but just beginning to be +complicated by human artifice. The poet Orpheus perpetually contemplates +God, but the Muse is always at his elbow, the symbol of human art is +already born; and that great human manifestation of God, Song, brings +with it grief and tears. + +Following out the cycle and coming to human evil, Gustave Moreau shows +the iron age--Cain condemned to labour and sorrow. + +This work shows that the divine moment may be seized, but is fugitive +and can never remain with man. It explains our failures. People say that +the picture is too literary, but it touches the heart of those who wish +to break through the ice with which all human expression is chilled. + +Undoubtedly Rembrandt was the Poet of genius _par excellence_, at the +same time as he was pure Painter. But let us grant that ours is a less +rich time, our temperaments less universal; and let us recognise the +beauty of Gustave Moreau's poem, of which, in two words, you expressed +the spirit. + +YOUR SON. + + +_December 24, morning._ + +Our first day in the outpost passed away in the calm of a country +awaiting snow. It came in the night. + +In the back gardens, which lie in sight of the Germans, I went out to +see it, where it emphasised and ennobled the least of things. Then I +came back to my candle, and I write on a table where my neighbour is +grating chocolate. So that is war. + +Military life has some amusing surprises. We had to come to the first +line before two non-commissioned officers found a bath and could bathe +themselves. As for me, I have made myself a water-jug out of a part of a +75. + +. . . I will not speak of patience, since a reserve of mere patience may +be useless preparation for the unknown quantity. But I must say that the +time goes extremely quickly. + +We spend child-like days; indeed we are children in regard to these +events, and the benefit of this war will have been to restore youth to +the hearts of those who return. + +Dear mother, our village has just had a visit from two shells. Will they +be followed by others? May God help us! The other day they sent us a +hundred and fifteen, to wound one man in the wrist! + +A house in which a section of our company is living is in flames. We +have not seen a soul stirring. We can only hope that it is well with +them. + +I am deeply happy to have lived through these few months. They have +taught me what one can make of one's life, in any circumstances. + +My fellow-soldiers are splendid examples of the French spirit. . . . +They swagger, but their swagger is only the outer form of a deep and +magnificent courage. + +My great fault as an artist is that I am always wanting to clothe the +soul of the race in some beautiful garment painted in my own colours. +And when people irritate me it is that they are soiling these beautiful +robes; but, as a matter of fact, they would find them a bad encumbrance +in the way of their plain duty. + + +_Christmas Morning._ + +What a unique night!--night without parallel, in which beauty has +triumphed, in which mankind, notwithstanding their delirium of +slaughter, have proved the reality of their conscience. + +During the intermittent bombardments a song has never ceased to rise +from the whole line. + +Opposite to us a most beautiful tenor was declaiming the enemy's +Christmas. Much farther off, beyond the ridges, where our lines begin +again, the _Marseillaise_ replied. The marvellous night lavished on us +her stars and meteors. Hymns, hymns, from end to end. + +It was the eternal longing for harmony, the indomitable claim for order +and beauty and concord. + +As for me, I cherished old memories in meditating on the sweetness of +the Childhood of Christ. The freshness, the dewy youthfulness of this +French music, were very moving to me. I remembered the celebrated +_Sommeil des Pelerins_ and the shepherds' chorus. A phrase which is sung +by the Virgin thrilled me: '_Le Seigneur, pour mon fils, a beni cet +asile_.' The melody rang in my ears while I was in that little house, +with its neighbour in flames, and itself given over to a precarious +fate. + +I thought of all happinesses bestowed; I thought that you were perhaps +at this moment calling down a blessing upon my abode. The sky was so +lovely that it seemed to smile favourably upon all petition; but what I +want strength to ask for perpetually is consistent wisdom--wisdom which, +human though it may be, is none the less safe from anything that may +assail it. + +The sun is flooding the country and yet I write by candle-light; now and +then I go out into the back gardens to see the sun. All is light, peace +falling from on high upon the deserted country. + +I come back to our room, where the brass of the pretty Meusian beds and +the carved wood of the cupboards shine in the half-light. All these +things have suffered through the rough use the soldiers put them to, but +we have real comfort here. We have found table-implements and a +dinner-service, and for two days running we made chocolate in a +soup-tureen. Luxury! + +O dear mother, if God allows me the joy of returning, what youth will +this extraordinary time have brought back to me! As I wrote to my friend +P----, I lead the life of a child in the midst of people so simple that +even my rudimentary existence is complicated in comparison with my +surroundings. + +Mother dear, the length of this war tries our power of passive will, but +I feel that everything is coming out as I was able to foresee. I think +that these long spells of inactivity will give repose to the +intellectual machine. If I ever have the happiness of once more making +use of mine, it is sure to take a little time to get moving again, but +with what new vigour! My last work was one of pure thought, and my +ambition, which all things justify, is to give a more plastic form to my +thought as it develops. + + +_Sunday, December 27, 9 o'clock_ +(5th day in the first line). + +It appears that the terrible position, courageously held by us on +October 14th, and immediately lost by our successors, has been retaken, +and 200 metres more, but at the price of a hundred casualties. + +Dear mother, want of sleep robs me of all intelligence. True, one needs +little of that for the general run of existence here, but I should have +liked to speak to you. The only consolation is that our love needs no +expression. + +Very little to tell you. I was quite stupefied by the day's work +yesterday, spent entirely in darkness. From my place I had only a +glimpse of a pretty tree against the sky. + +To-day, in the charming early morning I saw a beautiful and extremely +brilliant star. I had gone to fetch some coal and water, and on the way +back, when daylight had already come, that extraordinary star still +persisted. My corporal, who, like me, was dodging from bush to bush back +to our house, said: + +'Do you know what that star is? It is the sign for the enemy's patrol to +rally.' + +It was true, and at first I felt outraged at this profanation of the +sky, and then (apart from the ingenuity of the thing) I told myself that +this star meant, for those poor creatures on the other side, that they +could take the direction of safety. I felt less angry about it then. The +sign had given me so much joy as a star that I decided to stick to my +first impression. + + +_December 30._ + +Your Christmas letter came last night. Perhaps in this very hour when I +am writing to you, mine of the same day is reaching you. At that time, +in spite of the risk, I was enjoying all the beauty, but to-day I +confess it is poisoned for me by what we hear of the last slaughter. + +On the 26th we were made to remain on duty, in positions occupied only +at night as a rule. Our purely defensive position was lucky that day, +for we were exposed only to slight artillery fire; but on our right a +regiment of our division, in one of the terrible emplacements of +October 14th, received an awful punishment, of which the inconclusive +result cost several hundred lives. Here in our great village, where our +kind hostess knew, as we did, the victims, all is sadness. + + +_Same day._ + +. . . Nothing attacks the soul. The torture can certainly be very great, +especially the apprehension, but questions coming from the distance can +be silenced by acceptation of what is close. The weather is sweet and +soft, and Nature is indifferent. The dead will not spoil the spring. . . . + +And then, once the horror of the moment is over, when one sees its place +taken by only the memory of those who have gone, there is a kind of +sweetness in the thought of what _really exists_. In these solemn woods +one realises the inanity of sepulchres and the pomp of funerals. The +souls of the brave have no need of all that. . . . + + +_4 o'clock._ + +I have just finished the fourth portrait, a lieutenant in my company. He +is delighted. Daylight fades. I send you my thoughts, full of +cheerfulness. Hope and wisdom. + + +_January 3, 1915._ + +. . . Yesterday, after the first satisfaction of finding myself freed +from manual work, I contemplated my stripes, and I felt some +humiliation, because instead of the great anonymous superiority of the +ordinary soldier which had put me beyond all military valuation, I had +now the distinction of being a low number in military rank! + +But then I felt that each time I looked at my little bits of red wool I +should remember my social duty, a duty which my leaning towards +individualism makes me forget only too often. So I knew I was still free +to cultivate my soul, having this final effort to demand of it. + + +_January 4, despatched on the 7th_ +(in a mine). + +I am writing to you at the entrance to an underground passage which +leads under the enemy emplacement. My little job is to look out for the +safety of the sappers, who are hollowing out and supporting and +consolidating an excavation about twelve metres deep already. To get to +this place we have to plunge into mud up to our thighs, but during the +eight hours we spend here we are sheltered by earthworks several metres +thick. + +I have six men, with whom I have led an existence of sleeplessness and +privation for three days: this is the benefit I derive from the joyful +event of my new status; but as a matter of fact I am glad to take part +in these trials again. + +Besides, in a few days the temporary post which I held before may be +given to me altogether. Horrible weather, and to make matters worse, I +burnt an absolutely new boot, and am soaking wet, like the others, but +in excellent health. + +Dear, I am now going to sleep a little. + + +_January 6, evening._ + +DEAR MOTHER,--Here we are in a billet after seventy-two consecutive +hours without sleep, living in a nameless treacly substance--rain and +filth. + +I have had several letters from you, dear beloved mother; the last is +dated January 1. How I love them! But before speaking of them I must +sleep a little. + + +_January 7, towards mid-day._ + +This interrupted letter winds up at the police-station, where my section +is on guard. The weather is still horrible. It's unspeakable, this +derangement of our whole existence. We are under water: the walls are of +mud, and the floor and ceiling too. + + +_January 9._ + +. . . My consolations fail me in these days, on account of the weather. +This horrible mess lets me see nothing whatever. I close with an ardent +appeal to our love, and in the certainty of a justice higher than our +own. . . . + +Dear mother, as to sending things, I am really in need of nothing. +Penury now is of another kind, but courage, always! Yet is it even sure +that moral effort bears any fruit? + + +_January 13, morning_ (in the trench). + +I hope that when you think of me you will have in mind all those who +have left everything behind: their family, their surroundings, their +whole social environment; all those of whom their nearest and dearest +think only in the past, saying, 'We had once a brother, who, many years +ago, withdrew from this world, we know nothing of his fate.' Then I, +feeling that you too have abandoned all human attachment, will walk +freely in this life, closed to all ordinary relations. + +I don't regret my new rank; it has brought me many troubles but a great +deal of experience, and, as a matter of fact, some ameliorations. + +So I want to continue to live as fully as possible in this moment, and +that will be all the easier for me if I can feel that you have brought +yourself to the idea that my present life cannot in any way be lost. + +I did not tell you enough what pleasure the _Revues Hebdomadaires_ gave +me. I found some extracts from that speech on Lamartine which I am +passionately fond of. Circumstances led this poet to give to his art +only the lowest place. Life in general closed him round, imposing on his +great heart a more serious and immediate task than that which awaited +his genius. + + +_January 15_ (in a new billet), 12.30 P.M. + +We no longer have any issue whatever in sight. + +My only sanction is in my conscience. We must confide ourselves to an +impersonal justice, independent of any human factor, and to a useful and +harmonious destiny, in spite of the horrors of its form. + + +_January 17, afternoon_ (in a billet). + +What shall I say to you on this strange January afternoon, when thunder +is followed by snow? + +Our billet provides us with many commodities, but above all with an +intoxicating beauty and poetry. Imagine a lake in a park sheltered by +high hills, and a castle, or, rather, a splendid country house. We lodge +in the domestic offices, but I don't need any wonderful home comforts +to perfect the dream-like existence that I have led here for three days. +Last night we were visited by some singers. We were very far from the +music that I love, but the popular and sentimental tunes were quite able +to replace a finer art, because of the ardent conviction of the singer. +The workman who sang these songs, which were decent, in fact moral (a +rather questionable moral, perhaps, but still a moral), so put his soul +into it that the timbre of his voice was altogether too moving for our +hostesses. Here are the ideal people: perhaps their ideal may be said +not to exist and to be purely negative, but months of suffering have +taught me to honour it. + +I have just seen that Charles Peguy died at the beginning of the war. +How terribly French thought will have been mown down! What surpasses our +understanding (and yet what is only natural) is that civilians are able +to continue their normal life while we are in torment. I saw in the _Cri +de Paris_, which drifted as far as here, a list of concert programmes. +What a contrast! However, mother dear, the essential thing is to have +known beauty in moments of grace. + +The weather is frightful, but one can feel the coming of spring. At a +time like this nothing can speak of individual hope, only of great +general certainties. + + +_January 19._ + +We have been since yesterday in our second line positions; we came to +them in marvellous snow and frost. A furious sky, with charming rosy +colour in it, floated over the visionary forest in the snow; the trees, +limpid blue low down, brown and fretted above, the earth white. + +I have received two parcels; the _Chanson de Roland_ gives me infinite +pleasure--particularly the Introduction, treating of the national epic +and of the Mahabharata which, it seems, tells of the fight between the +spirits of good and evil. + +I am happy in your lovely letters. As for the sufferings which you +forebode for me, they are really very tolerable. + +But what we must recognise, and without shame, is that we are a +_bourgeois_ people. We have tasted of the honey of civilisation--poisoned +honey, no doubt. But no, surely that sweetness is true, and we should +not be called upon to make of our ordinary existence a preparation for +violence. I know that violence may be salutary to us, especially if in +the midst of it we do not lose sight of normal order and calm. + +Order leads to eternal rest. Violence makes life go round. We have, for +our object, order and eternal rest; but without the violence which lets +loose reserves of energy, we should be too inclined to consider order as +already attained. But anticipated order can only be a lethargy which +retards the coming of positive order. + +Our sufferings arise only from our disappointment in this delay; the +coming of true order is too long for human patience. In any case, +however suffering, we would rather not be doers of violence. It is as +when matter in fusion solidifies too quickly and in the wrong shape: it +has to be put to the fire again. This is the part violence plays in +human evolution; but that salutary violence must not make us forget what +our aesthetic citizenship had acquired in the way of perdurable peace and +harmony. But our suffering comes precisely from the fact that we do not +forget it! + + +_January 20, morning._ + +Do not think that I ever deprive myself of sleep. In that matter our +regiment is very fitful: one time we sleep for three days and three +nights; another time, the opposite. + +Now Nature gives me her support once more. The frightful spell of rain +is interrupted by fine cold days. We live in the midst of beautiful +frost and snow; the hard earth gives us a firm footing. + +My little grade gets me some solitude. I no longer have my happy walks +by night, but I have them in the day; my exemption from the hardest work +gives me time to realise the beauty of things. + +Yesterday, an unspeakable sunset. A filmy atmosphere, with shreds of +tender colour; underneath, the blue cold of the snow. + +Dear mother, it is a night of home-sickness. These familiar verses came +to me in the peace: + + 'Mon enfant, ma soeur, + Songe a la douceur + D'aller la-bas vivre ensemble + Au pays qui te ressemble.' + +Yes, Beaudelaire's _Invitation au voyage_ seemed to take wing in the +exquisite sky. Oh, I was far from war. Well, to return to earthly +things: in coming back I nearly missed my dinner. + + +_January 20, evening._ + +Acceptation always. Adaptation to the life which goes on and on, taking +no notice of our little postulations. + + +_January 21._ + +We are in our first-line emplacements. The snow has followed us, but +alas, the thaw too. Happily, in this emplacement we don't live in water +as we do in the trenches. + +Can any one describe the grace of winter trees? Did I already tell you +what Anatole France says in the _Mannequin d'Osier_? He loves their +delicate outlines and their intimate beauty more when they are uncovered +in winter. I too love the marvellous intricate pattern of their branches +against the sky. + +From my post I can see our poor village, which is collapsing more and +more. Each day shells are destroying it. The church is hollowed out, but +its old charm remains in its ruins; it crouches so prettily between the +two delicately defined hills. + +We were very happy in the second line. That time of snow was really +beautiful and clement. I told you yesterday about the sunset the other +day. And, before that, our arrival in the marvellous woods. . . . + + +_January 22._ + +. . . I have sent you a few verses; I don't know what they are worth, +but they reconciled me to life. And then our last billet was really +wonderful in its beauty. Water running over pebbles . . . vast, limpid +waters at the end of the park. Sleeping ponds, dreaming walks, which +none of this brutality has succeeded in defiling. To-day, sun on the +snow. The beauty of the snow was deeply moving, though certainly we had +some bad days, days on which there was nothing for us but the wretched +mud. + +It seems that we won't be coming back to this pretty billet. Evidently +they are making ready for something; the regularity of our winter +existence has come to an end. + + +_2 o'clock._ + +Splendid weather, herald of the spring, and we can make the most of it, +because in this place we are allowed to put our noses out of doors. + +I write badly to-day. I can only send you my love. This war is long, and +I can't even speak of patience. + +My only happiness is that during these five and a half months I have so +often been able to tell you that everything was not ugliness. . . . + + +_January 23._ + +. . . As for me, I have no desires left. When my trials are really hard to +bear, I rest content with my own unhappiness, without facing other +things. + +When they become less hard, then I begin to think, to dream, and the +past that is dear to me seems to have that same remote poetry which in +happier days drew my thoughts to distant countries. A familiar street, +or certain well-known corners, spring suddenly to my mind--just as in +other days islands of dreams and legendary countries used to rise at the +call of certain music and verse. But now there is no need of verse or +music; the intensity of dear memories is enough. + +I have not even any idea of what a new life could be; I only know that +we are making life here and now. + +For whom, and for what age? It hardly matters. What I do know, and what +is affirmed in the very depths of my being, is that this harvest of +French genius will be safely stored, and that the intellect of our race +will not suffer for the deep cuts that have been made in it. + +Who will say that the rough peasant, comrade of the fallen thinker, will +not be the inheritor of his thoughts? No experience can falsify this +magnificent intuition. The peasant's son who has witnessed the death of +the young scholar or artist will perhaps take up the interrupted work, +be perhaps a link in the chain of evolution which has been for a moment +suspended. This is the real sacrifice: to renounce the hope of being +the torch-bearer. To a child in a game it is a fine thing to carry the +flag; but for a man, it is enough to know that the flag will yet be +carried. And that is what every moment of great august Nature brings +home to me. Every moment reassures my heart: Nature makes flags out of +anything. They are more beautiful than those to which our little habits +cling. And there will always be eyes to see and cherish the lessons of +earth and sky. + + +_January 26._ + +Your dear letter of the 20th reached me last night. You must not be +angry with me if occasionally, as in my letter of the 13th, I lack the +very thing I am always forcing myself to acquire. But I ask you to +consider what can be the thoughts of one who is young, in the fulness of +productiveness, at the hour when life is flowering, if he is snatched +away, and cast upon barren soil where all he has cherished fails him. + +Well, after the first wrench he finds that life has not forsaken him, +and sets to work upon the new ungrateful ground. The effort calls for +such a concentration of energy as leaves no time for either hopes or +fears. It is the constant effort at adaptation, and I manage it, except +only in moments of the rebellion (quickly suppressed) of the thoughts +and wishes of the past. But I need my whole strength at times for +keeping down the pangs of memory and accepting what is. + +I was thinking of the sad moments that you too endure, and that was why +I encouraged you to an impersonal idea of our union. I know how strong +you are, and how prepared for this idea. Yes, you are right, we must not +meet the pain half-way. But at times it is difficult to distinguish +between the real suffering that affects us, and that which is only +possible or imminent. + +Mind you notice that _I have perfect hope_ and that I count on +prevailing grace, but, caring more than anything to be an artist, I am +occupied in drawing all the beauty out, in drawing out the utmost +beauty, as quickly as may be, none of us knowing how much time is meted +to us. + + +_January 27, afternoon._ + +After two bad nights in the billet owing to the lack of straw, the third +night was interrupted by our sudden departure for our emplacement in the +second line. + +Superb weather, frost and sun. + +Great Nature begins again to enfold me, and her voice, which is now +powerful again, consoles me.--But, dear, what a hole in one's existence! +Yes, since my promotion I have lived through moments which, though less +terrible, recalled the first days of September, but with the addition of +many blessings. I accept this new life, with no forecast of the future. + + +_January 28, in the morning sun._ + +The hard and splendid weather has this marvellous good--that it leaves +in its great pure sky an open door for poetry. Yes, all that I told you +of that beautiful time of snow came from a heart that was comforted by +such triumphant beauty. + +In the Reviews you send me I have read with pleasure the articles on +Moliere, on the English parliament, on Martainville, and on the +religious questions of 1830. . . . + +Did I tell you that I learnt from the papers of the death of +Hillemacher? That dear friend was killed in this terrible war. + + +_February 1._ + +MY VERY DEAR MOTHER,--I have your dear letters of the 26th and 27th; +they do bring new life to me. + +Up till now, our first-line emplacement, which this time is in the +village, has been favoured with complete calm, and I have known once +more those hours of grace when Nature consoles me. + +My situation has this special improvement, that the drudgery I do now is +done at the instance of the general good, and no longer at the dictation +of mere routine. + + +_February 2._ + +DEAR MOTHER,--I go on with this letter in the billet, where the great +worry of accumulated work fills up the void which Melancholy would make +her own. + +Dark days have come upon me, and nothingness seems the end of all, +whereas all that is in my being had assured me of the plenitude of the +universe. Yes, devotion, not to individuals but to the social ideal of +brotherhood, sustains me still. Oh, what a magnificent example is to be +found in Jesus and in the poor. That righteous aristocrat, showing by +His abhorrent task the infinite obligation of altruistic duty, and +teaching, above all, that no return of gratitude should be demanded. . . . +To my experience of men and things I owe this tranquillity of +expecting nothing from any one. Thus duty takes an abstract form, +deprived of a human object. + +An unspeakable sunrise to-day! Another spring draws near. . . . I want +to tell you about our three days in the first line. + +Snow and frost. We went down the slopes leading to our emplacement in +the village. The night was then so beautiful that it moved the heart of +every soldier to see it. I could never say enough about the fine +delicacy of this country. How can I explain to you the chiselled effect, +allied to the dream-like mists, with the moon soaring above? For three +days my night-service took me straight to the heart of this purity, +this whiteness. + +Tarnished gold-work of the trees. And, in spite of the mist, many +colours, rose and blue. + +There are hours of such beauty that those who take them to themselves +can hardly die. I was well in front of the first lines, and never did I +feel better protected. This morning, when I came, a pink and green +sunrise over the blue and rosy snow; the open country marked with woods +and covered fields; far off, the distance, in which the silvery Meuse +fades away. O Beauty, in spite of all! + + +_February 2._ + +DEAR BELOVED MOTHER,--Your letter of the 29th has this moment come to +the billet. A nameless day, a day without form, yet a day in which the +spring most mysteriously begins to stir. Warm air in the lengthening +days; a sudden softening, a weakening of Nature. Alas, how sweet this +emotion would be if it could be felt outside this slavery, but the +weakness which comes ordinarily with spring only serves here to make +burdens heavier. + +Dear mother, how glad I am to feel the sympathy of those who are far +away. Ah, what sweetness there is! + +I am delighted by the Reviews; in an admirable article on Louis Veuillot +I noticed this phrase: 'O my God, take away my despair and leave my +grief!' Yes, we must not misunderstand the fruitful lesson taught by +grief, and if I return from this war it will most certainly be with a +soul formed and enriched. + +I also read with pleasure the lectures on Moliere, and in him, as +elsewhere, I have viewed again the solitude in which the highest souls +wander. But I owe it to my old sentimental wounds never to suffer again +through the acts of others. My dearly loved mother, I will write to you +better to-morrow. + + +_February 4._ + +Last night, on coming back to the barn, drunkenness, quarrels, cries, +songs and yells. Such is life!. . . But when morning came and the +wakening from sleep still brought me memories of this, I got up before +the time, and found outside a friendly moon, and the great night taking +wing, and a dawn which had pity on me. The blessed spring day gilds +everything and scatters its promises and hopes. + +Dear, I was reflecting on Tolstoi's title, _War and Peace_. I used to +think that he wanted to express the antithesis of these two states, but +now I ask myself if he did not connect these two contraries in one and +the same folly--if the fortunes of humanity, whether at war or at peace, +were not equally a burden to his mind. By all means let us keep faithful +to our efforts to be good; but in spite of ourselves we take this +precept a little in the sense of the placards: 'Be good to animals.' How +hard it is, in the midst of daily duties, to keep guard upon oneself. + + +_February 5._ + +A sleepless night. Hateful return to the barn. Such a fearful row that +the corporals had to complain. Punishments. + +In the morning, on the march, and, in order to rest us, work to-night! + + +_February 6._ + +MY DEAR BELOVED MOTHER,--After the sleepless night in our billet, we had +to supply a working-party all the following night. So I have been +sleeping up till the very moment of writing to you. Sleep and Night are +refuges which give life still one attraction. + +Mother dear, I am living over again the lovely legend of Sarpedon; and +that exquisite flower of Greek poetry really gives me comfort. If you +will read this passage of the _Iliad_ in my beautiful translation by +Lecomte de l'Isle, you will see that Zeus utters in regard to destiny +certain words in which the divine and the eternal shine out as nobly as +in the Christian Passion. He suffers, and his fatherly heart undergoes a +long battle, but finally he permits his son to die, and Hypnos and +Thanatos are sent to gather up the beloved remains. + +Hypnos--that is Sleep. To think that I should come to that, I for whom +every waking hour was a waking joy, I for whom every moment of action +was a thrill of pride. I catch myself longing for the escape of Sleep +from the tumult that besets me. But the splendid Greek optimism shines +out as in those vases at the Louvre. By the two, Hypnos and Thanatos, +Sarpedon is lifted to a life beyond his human death; and assuredly Sleep +and Death do wonderfully magnify and continue our mortal fate. + +Thanatos--that is a mystery, and it is a terror only because the urgency +of our transitory desires makes us misconceive the mystery. But read +over again the great peaceful words of Maeterlinck in his book on death, +words ringing with compassion for our fears in the tremendous passage of +mortality. + + +_February 7._ + +MOST DEAR AND MOST BELOVED,--I have your splendid letter of the first. +Please don't hesitate to write what you think I would call mere chatter. +Your love and the absolute identity of our two hearts appear in all your +letters. And that is all I really care for. Yet they tell me a thousand +things that interest me too. + +We are living through hours of heavy labour. My rank gives me respite +now and then; but for the men it means five nights at a time without +sleep, and this repeatedly. + + +_February 9._ + +Another breathing-space in which, almost at my last gasp, I get a brief +peace. The little reviving breath comes again. I have had the good luck +to be appointed corporal on guard in delightful quarters, where I am in +command. Perfect spring weather. And what can I say of this Nature? +Never before have I so fully felt her amplitude of life. Hours and +seasons following one another surely, infallibly, unalterably, in +unchanging unity; the looker-on has a glimpse of the immensity of the +force that first set them afoot. + +I had often known the delight of watching the nearer coming of a season, +but it had not before been given to me to live in that delight moment by +moment. It is so that one learns, without the help of any kind of +science, a certain intuition, vague perhaps, but altogether +indisputable, of the Absolute. There was a man of science, possibly a +great one, who declared that he had not discovered God under his +scalpel. What a shocking mistake for an able mind to make! Where was the +need of a scalpel, when the joy and the thrill of our senses are +all-sufficient to convince us of the purpose commanding our whole +evolution? The poet watches the coming of the seasons as it were great +ships that will, he knows, set sail again. At times the storm may delay +them, but at their next coming they will bring with them the rich +fragrance of the unknown coasts. A season coming again to our own shores +seems to bring us delights which it has learnt by long travel. + +Ah, dearest mother, if one could have again a retreat for the soul! O +solitude, for those worthy to possess it! How seldom is it inviolate! + + +_February 11._ + +It may possibly be a great intended privilege for our generation to be a +witness of these horrors, but what a terrible price to pay! Well, faith, +eternal faith, is over all. Faith in an evolution, an Order, beyond our +human patience. + + +_February 11_ (2nd day in +the front line). + +In such hours as these one must perforce take refuge in the extra-human +principle of sacrifice; it is impossible for mere humanity to go +further. + +Let go all poor human hope. Seek something beyond; perhaps you have +already found it. As for me, I feel myself to be unworthy in such days +to be anything more than a memory. I picked some flowers in the mud. +Keep them in remembrance of me. + + +_5 o'clock._ + +Courage through all, courage in spite of all. + + +_February 13_ (4th day in +the front line). + +BELOVED,--After the days of tears and of rebellion of the heart that +have so shaken me, I pull myself together again to say 'Thy will be +done.' So, according to the power and the measure of my faculties, I +would be he who to the very end never despaired of his share in the +building of the Temple. I would be the workman who, knowing full well +that his scaffolding will give way and who has no hope of safety, goes +on with his stone-carving of decoration on the cathedral front. +Decoration. I am not one who will ever be able to lift the blocks of +stone. But there are others for that job. Yes, I am getting back into a +little quiet thinking. The equable tranquillity I had hoped for is not +yet mine; but I have occasional glimpses of that region of peace and +light in which all things, even our love, is renewed and transfigured. + +I am now at the foot of a peaked hill where Nature has brought the +loveliest lines of design together. Man is hunting man, and in a moment +they will be locked in fight. Meanwhile the lark is rising. + +Even as I write, a strange serenity possesses me. +Something--extraordinary comfort. Be it a human quality, be it a +revelation from on high. All around me men are asleep. + + +_February 14_ (5th day in +the front line). + +All is movement about us; we too are afoot. Even as the inevitable takes +shape, peace revisits my heart at last. My beloved country is defiled +by these detestable preparations of battle; the silence is rent by the +preliminary gun-fire; man succeeds for a time in cancelling all the +beauty of the world. But I think it will even yet find a place of +refuge. For twenty-four hours now I have been my own self. + +Dear mother, I was wrong to think so much of my 'tower of ivory.' What +we too often take for a tower of ivory is nothing more than an old +cheese where a hermit rat has made his house. + +Rather, may a better spirit move me to gratitude for the salutary shocks +that tossed me out of too pleasant a place of peace; let us be thankful +for the dispensation which, during certain hours--hours far apart but +never to be forgotten--made a man of me. + +No, no, I will not mourn over my dead youth. It led me by steep and +devious ways to the tablelands where the mists that hung over +intelligence are no more. + + +_February 16._ + +In these latter days I have passed through certain hours, made decisive +hours for me by the visibility of great and universal problems. We have +now been for five days in the front line, with exceedingly hard work, +hampered by the terrible mud. As our days have followed each other, and +as my own struggle against the frightful sadness of my soul continued, +the military situation was growing more tense, and the preparation for +action was pushing on. Then came the announcement of the order of +attack. There was only a day left--perhaps two days. It was then I wrote +you two letters, I think those of the 13th and 14th; and really, as I +was writing, I had within my heart such a plenitude of conviction, such +a sweetness of feeling, as give incontrovertible assurance of the +reality of the beautiful and the good. The bombardment of our position +was violent; but nothing that man can do is able to stifle or silence +what Nature has to say to the human soul. + +One night, between the 14th and the 15th, we were placed in trenches +that were raked by machine-guns. Our men were so exhausted that they +were obliged to give place to another battalion. We were waiting in the +wet and the cold of night when suddenly the notice came that we were +relieved. We could not tell why. But we are here again in this village, +where the men deluge their poor hearts with wine. I am in the midst of +them. + +Dear mother, if there is one thing absolute in human feeling, it is +pain. I had lived hitherto in the contemplation of the interesting +relations of different emotions, losing sight of the price, the +intrinsic value, of life itself. But now I know what is essential life. +It is that which clears the soul's way to the Absolute. But I suffered +less in that time of waiting than I am suffering now from certain +companionships. + + + +_February 16, 9 o'clock._ + +DEAR BELOVED MOTHER,--I was at dinner when they came to tell me we were +off. I knew it would be so; the counter-orders that put off the attack +cost us the march of forty kilometres in addition to the fatigues we had +to undergo in the first line. As we were leaving our sector I noticed +the arrival of such a quantity of artillery that I knew well enough the +pause was at an end. But the soul has its own peace. It is frosty +weather, with a sky full of stars. + + +_February 19_ (sent off in the full +swing of battle). + +One word only. We are in the hands of God. Never, never, have we so +needed the wisdom of confidence. Death prevails, but it does not reign. +Life is still noble. Friends of mine killed and wounded yesterday and +the day before. Dearest, our messengers may be greatly delayed. + + +_February 22._ + +We are in billets after the great battle. And this time I saw it all. I +did my duty; I knew that by the feeling of my men for me. But the best +are dead. Bitter loss. This heroic regiment. We gained our object. Will +write at more length. + + +_February 22_ (1st day in billet). + +DEAR BELOVED MOTHER,--I will tell you about the goodness of God, and the +horror of these things. The heaviness of heart that weighed me down this +month and a half past was for the coming anguish to be undergone in +these last twenty days. + +We reached the scene of action on the 17th. The preparation ceased to +interest me; I was all expectation of the event. It broke out at three +o'clock: the explosion of seven mines under the enemy's trenches. It was +like a distant thunder. Next, five hundred guns created the hell into +which we leapt. + +Night was coming on when we established ourselves in the positions we +had taken. All that night I was actively at work for the security of our +men, who had not suffered much. I had to cover great tracts, over which +were scattered the wounded and the dead of both sides. My heart yearned +over them, but I had nothing better than words to give them. In the +morning we were driven, with serious loss, back to our previous +positions, but in the evening we attacked again; we retook our whole +advance; here again I did my duty. In my advance I got the sword of an +officer who surrendered; after that I placed my men for guarding our +ground. The captain ordered me to his side, and I gave him the plan of +our position. He was telling me of his decision to have me mentioned, +when he was killed before my eyes. + +Briefly, under the frightful fire of those three days, I organised and +kept going the work of supplying cartridges; in this job five of my men +were wounded. Our losses are terrible; those of the enemy greater still. +You cannot imagine, beloved mother, what man will do against man. For +five days my shoes have been slippery with human brains, I have walked +among lungs, among entrails. The men eat, what little they have to eat, +at the side of the dead. Our regiment was heroic; we have no officers +left. They all died as brave men. Two good friends--one of them a fine +model of my own for one of my last pictures--are killed. That was one of +the terrible incidents of the evening. A white body, splendid under the +moon! I lay down near him. The beauty of things awoke again for me. + +At last, after five days of horror that lost us twelve hundred men, we +were ordered back from the scene of abomination. + +The regiment has been mentioned in despatches. + +Dear mother, how shall I ever speak of the unspeakable things I have had +to see? But how shall I ever tell of the certainties this tempest has +made clear to me? Duty; effort. + + +_February 23._ + +DEAREST BELOVED MOTHER,--A second day in billets. To-morrow we go to the +front. Darling, I can't write to-day. Let us draw ever nearer to the +eternal, let us remain devoted to our duty. I know how your thoughts fly +to meet mine, and I turn mine towards the happiness of wisdom. Let us +take courage; let me be brave among these young dead men, and be you +brave in readiness. God is over us. + + +_February 26_ +(a splendid afternoon). + +DEAR MOTHER,--Here we are again upon the battlefield. We have climbed +the hill from which it would be better to praise the glory of God than +to condemn the horrors of men. Innumerable dead at the setting-out of +our march; but they grow fewer, leaving here and there some poor stray +body, the colour of clay--a painful encounter. Our losses are what are +called 'serious' in despatches. + +At all events I can assure you that our men are admirable and their +resignation is heroic. All deplore this infamous war, but nearly all +feel that the fulfilment of a hideous duty is the one only thing that +justifies the horrible necessity of living at such a time as this. + +Dear mother, I cannot write more. The plain is settling to sleep under +colours of violet and rose. How can things be so horrible? + + +_February 28_ (in a billet). + +DEAR BELOVED MOTHER, AND DEAR BELOVED GRANDMOTHER,--I am writing to you, +having just struggled out of a most appalling nightmare, and out of +Dantesque scenes that I have lived through. Things that Gustave Dore had +the courage to picture through the text of the _Divina Commedia_ have +come to pass, with all the variety and circumstance of fact. In the +midst of labours that happily tend to deaden one's feelings, I have been +able to gather the better fruits of pain. + +On the 24th, in the evening, we returned to our positions, from which +the more hideous of the traces of battle had been partly removed. Only a +few places were still scattered with fragments of men that were taking +on the semblance of that clay to which they were returning. The weather +was fine and cold, and the heights we had gained brought us into the +very sky. The immensities appeared only as lights: the higher light, a +brilliance of stars; the lower light, a glow of fires. The frightful +bombardment with which the Germans overwhelm us is really a waste of +fireworks. + +I lay in a dug-out from which I could follow the moon, and watch for +daybreak. Now and again a shell crumbled the soil about me, and deafened +me; then silence came again upon the frozen earth. I have paid the +price, I have paid dearly, but I have had moments of solitude that were +full of God. + +I really think I have tried to adapt myself to my work, for, as I told +you, I am proposed for the rank of sergeant and for mention in +despatches. Ah, but, dearest mother, this war is long, too long for men +who had something else to do in the world! What you tell me of the kind +feeling there is for me in Paris gives me pleasure; but--am I not to be +brought out of this for a better kind of usefulness? Why am I so +sacrificed, when so many others, not my equals, are spared? Yet I had +something worth doing to do in the world. Well, if God does not intend +to take away this cup from me, His will be done. + + +_March 3_ (in a billet). + +This is the fourth day of rest, for me almost a holiday time. Rather a +sad holiday, I own; it reminds me of certain visits to Marlotte. These +days have been spent in attempts to recover from physical fatigue and +moral weariness, and in the filling up of vacant hours. Still, a kind of +holiday, a halt rather, giving one time to arrange one's impressions, so +long confused by the violence of action. + +I have been stupefied by the noise of the shells. Think--from the French +side alone forty thousand have passed over our heads, and from the +German side about as many, with this difference, that the enemy shells +burst right upon us. For my own part, I was buried by three 305 shells +at once, to say nothing of the innumerable shrapnel going off close by. +You may gather that my brain was a good deal shaken. And now I am +reading. I have just read in a magazine an article on three new novels, +and that reading relieved many of the cares of battle. + +I have received a most beautiful letter from Andre, who must be a +neighbour of mine out here. He thinks as I do about our dreadful war +literature. What does flourish is a faculty of musical improvisation. +All last night I heard the loveliest symphonies, fully orchestral; and I +am bound to say that they owed their best to the great music that is +Germany's. + +After my experiences I must really let myself go a little in the +pleasure of this furtive sun of March. + + +_March 5_ (6th day in billets). + +I wish I could recover in myself the extreme sensibilities I felt before +the fiery trial, so that I might describe for you the colours and the +aspects of the drama we have passed through. But just now I am in a +state of numbness, pleasant enough in itself, yet apt to hinder my +vision of things present and my forecasts of things to come. I have to +make an effort to keep hold of eternal and essential things; perhaps I +shall succeed in time. + +And yet certain sights on the wasted field of war had so noble a lesson, +a teaching so persuasive, that I should love to share with you the great +certainties of those days. How harmonious is death within the natural +soil, how admirable is the manner of man's return to the substance of +his mother earth, compared with the poverty of funeral ceremonial! +Yesterday I thought of those poor dead as forsaken things. But I had +been present at the burial of an officer, and it seems to me that Nature +is more compassionate than man. Yes indeed, the soldier's death is close +to natural things. It is a frank horror, a horror that does not attempt +to cheat the law of violence. I often passed close to bodies that were +gradually passing into the clay, and their change seemed more comforting +than the cold and unchanging aspect of the tombs of town cemeteries. +From our life in the open we have gained a freedom of conception, an +amplitude of thought and of habit, which will for ever make cities +horrible and artificial to those who survive the war. + +Dear mother, I write but ill of things that I have greatly felt. Let us +seek refuge in the peace of spring and in the treasure of the present +moment. + + +_March 7, half-past ten._ + +DEAR BELOVED MOTHER,--I am filling up the idleness of this morning. I am +rejoicing in the clear waters of the Meuse that give life to dales and +gardens. The play of the current over weeds and pebbles makes a soothing +sight for my tired eyes, and expresses the calm life of this big village +that is sheltered by the Meuse hills. The church here is thronged with +soldiers who possess, as I do, a definite intuition of the Ideal, but +who seek it by more stated and less immediate means. + +I am to board for a fortnight in the house in which, nearly two months +ago, our joyous company used to meet. To-day I have seen the tears of +these same friends, weeping to hear of the wounded and the dead. + +I received your sleeping-sack, which is quite right. I am worried with +rheumatism, which has spoilt many of my nights in billets these two +months past. + +Darling mother, here is a calm in the noise of that barrack-life which +must now be ours. As there are none here but non-commissioned officers, +they are all ordered to hard jobs, and I shall renew my acquaintance +with brooms and burdens. We have been warned; we shall have to work with +our hands. And so we learn to direct others. + + +_March 7_ (another letter). + +Soft weather after rain. Bells in the evening; flowing waters singing +under the bridges; trees settling to sleep. + + +_March 11._ + +DARLING MOTHER,--I have nothing to say about my life, which is filled up +with manual labour. At moments perhaps some image appears, some memory +rises. I have just read a fine article by Renan on the origins of the +Bible. I found it in a _Revue des Deux Mondes_ of 1886. If later I can +remember something of it, I may be able to put my very scattered +notions on that matter into better order. + +I feel as though I were recovering from typhoid fever. What I chiefly +enjoy is water; the running and the sleeping waters of the Meuse. The +springs play on weeds and pebbles. The ponds lie quiet under great +trees. Streams and waterfalls. On the steep hillsides the snow looks +brilliant and visionary. I live in all these things without forms of +words. And I am rather ashamed to be vegetating, though I think all must +pass through this phase, just removed from the hell of the front. I eat, +and when my horrid rheumatism allows, I sleep. + +Don't be angry with my inferiority. I feel as though my armour had been +taken off. Well, I can't help it. + + +_5 o'clock._ + +I am a good deal tired by drill. But the fine air of the Meuse keeps me +in health. Dear mother, I wish I might always seek all that is noble and +good. I wish I might always feel within myself the inspiration that +urges towards the true treasures of life. But alas! just now I have a +mind of lead. + + +_March 14, Sunday morning, +in the Sabbath peace._ + +DEAREST MOTHER,--Your good, life-giving letters have come at last, after +my long privation, the price I paid for my enjoyment of rest. The pretty +town is waking in the haze of the river, the waters hurry over their +clean stones. All things have that look of moderation and charming +finish that is characteristic of this part of the country. + +I read a little, but I am so overtired by the physical exertion to which +we are compelled, that I fall asleep on the instant. We are digging +trenches and trenches. + +Dear mother, to go back to those wonderful times of the end of February, +I must repeat that my memory of them is something like that of an +experiment in science. I had conceived violence under a theoretic +formula; I had divined its part in the worlds. But I had not yet +witnessed its actual practice, except in infinitely small examples. And +now at last violence was displayed before me on such a scale that my +whole faculty of receptiveness was called upon to face it. Well, it was +interesting; and I may tell you that I never relaxed from my attitude of +cool and impersonal watchfulness. What I had kept about me of my own +individuality was a certain visual perceptiveness that caused me to +register the setting of things, a setting that dramatised itself as +'artistically' as in any stage-management. During all those minutes I +never relaxed in my resolve to see 'how it was.' + +I was very happy to find that the 'intoxication of slaughter' never had +any possession of me. I hope it will always be so. Unfortunately, +contact with the German race has for ever spoilt my opinion of those +people. I cannot quite succeed in quelling a sensibility and a +humanitarianism that I know to be misplaced, and that would make me the +dupe of a treacherous enemy; but I have come to tolerate things which I +had held in abomination as the very negation of life. + +I have seen the French soldier fight. He is terrible in action, and +after action magnanimous. That is the phrase. It is a very common +commonplace; our greatest writers and the humblest of our schoolboys +have trotted it out alike; and now my decadent ex-intellectualism finds +nothing better to say at the sight of the soul of the Frenchman. + + +To Madame de L. + +_March 14, 1915._ + +My mother has told me of the new trial that has just come upon you. +Truly life is crushing for some souls. I know your fortitude, and I know +that you are only too well used to sorrow; but how much I wish that you +had been spared this blow! My mother had written to me of the lack of +any news of Colonel B., and she was anxious. It is the grief of those +dear to us that troubles us out here. But there is in the sight of a +soldier's death a lesson of greatness and of immortality that arms our +hearts; and our desire is that our beloved ones might share it with us. +Be sure that the Colonel's example will bear magnificent fruit. I know, +for I have seen it, what heroism transfigures the soldier whose leader +has fallen. + +As for myself, the time has been rife with tragedies; throughout I have +tried to do my duty. + +I saw all my superior officers killed, and the whole regiment decimated. +There can be no more human hope for those who are cast into this +furnace. I place myself in the hands of God, asking of Him that He would +keep me in such a state of heart and soul as may enable me to enjoy and +love in His creation all the beauty that man has not yet denied and +concealed. + +All else has lost proportion in my life. + + +_March 15_ (a post-card). + +DEAR BELOVED MOTHER,--I suppose that by now you know my good fortune in +getting this platoon. Whatever God intends for me, this halt has given +me the opportunity of regaining possession of myself, and of preparing +myself to accept whatever may befall me. I send you my love and the +union of our hearts in the face of fate. + + +_March 17._ + +A charming morning. A white sun swathing itself in mist, the fine +outlines of trees on the heights, and the great spaces in light. It is a +pause full of good luck. The other day, reading an old _Revue des Deux +Mondes_ of 1880, I came upon an excellent article as one might come upon +a noble palace with vaulted roof and decorated walls. It was on Egypt, +and was signed George Perrot. + +Yesterday my battalion left these billets. I am obliged to stay behind +for my instruction as sergeant. How thankful I am for this respite, +laborious as it is, that gives me a chance of recovering what I care for +most--a clear mind, and a heart open to the spirit of Nature. + +I forgot to tell you that a day or two ago, during the storm, I saw the +cranes coming home towards evening. A lull in the weather allowed me to +hear their cry. To think how long it is since I saw them take flight +from here! It was at the beginning of the winter, and they left +everything the sadder for their going. And now it was for me like the +coming of the dove to the ark; not that I deceived myself as to the +dangers that had not ceased, but that these ambassadors of the air +brought me a visible assurance of the universal peace beyond our human +strife. + +And yesterday the wild geese made for the north. They flew in various +order, tracing regular formations in the sky; and then they disappeared +over the horizon like a floating ribbon. + +I am much gratified by M.C.'s appreciation. I always had a love of +letters, even as a child, and I am only sorry that the break in my +education, brought about by myself, leaves so many blanks. I keep, +however, throughout all changes and chances, the faculty of gleaning to +right and left some fallen grain. Of course, as I leave out the future, +I say nothing of my wish to be introduced to him in happier times--that +is out of our department just now. + +I have written to Madame L. It is the last blow for her. The fate of +some of us is as it were a medal on which are struck the image and +superscription of sorrow. Adversity has worked so well that there is no +room for any symbol of joy. But I think that this dedication of a life +to grief is not unaccompanied by a secret compensation in the conviction +that misfortune is at last complete; it is something to reach the +high-water mark of the waters of sorrow. The fate of such sufferers +seems to me to be an outpost showing others whence tribulation +approaches. + +Day by day a new crop is raised in the little military burial-ground +here. And, over all, the triumphant spring. + + +_March 20._ + +Our holiday is coming to an end in sweetness, while all is tumult and +carnage not far off. I think the regiment has had a long march. + + +_March 20._ + +DEAR BELOVED MOTHER,--After so many graces granted me, I ought to have +more confidence, and I intend to do my best to give myself wholly into +the hands of God; but these are hard times. I have just heard of the +death, among many others, of the friend whose bed I shared in our +billet. He had just been appointed Second Lieutenant. Mother dear: Love. +That is the only human feeling we may cherish now. + + +_March 21._ + +DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--As the day of trial draws near I send you all my +love. I can do no more. We are probably called upon to make such a +sacrifice as forbids us to dwell upon our ties. Let us pray that the +certitude of Goodness and Beauty may not fail us when we suffer. + + +_March 21, Sunday, with +lovely sunshine._ + +DEAR BELOVED MOTHER,--I think that we may be kept here one day more, and +that we shall leave on Tuesday. I don't know where I shall rejoin my +battalion, or in what state I shall find it, for the action seems to be +violent and long. Rumours are very contradictory as to our gains. But +all agree as to the large number of casualties. We can hear a tremendous +cannonade, and the good weather no doubt induces the command on both +sides to move. + +I should have wished to say many things about the noble Nature that +surrounds us with its glory, but my thoughts are gone on in advance, +there where the sun does not see men gathered together to honour him, +but shines only upon their hatred, and where the moon, too, looks upon +treachery and anguish. + +The other day, overlooking this great prospect of earth welcoming the +spring, I remembered the joy I once had to be a man. And now to be a +man---- + +Our neighbour regiment, that of R.L., has returned with a few of its +companies reduced to some two-score men. + +I dare not now speak of hope. The grace for which one may still pray is +a complete sense of what beauty the passing hour can still yield us. It +is a new manner of 'living one's life' that literature had not foreseen. + +Dear Grandmother, how well your tenderness has served to keep me up in +my time of trial. + + +_March 22._ + +A splendid sun; looking on it one is amazed to see the world at war. +Spring has come in triumph. It has surprised mankind in the act of +hatred, in the act of outrage upon creation. The despatches tell us +little, fortunately, of what is happening. + +Being now these twenty-one days away from the front, I find it difficult +to re-accustom myself to the thought of the monstrous things going on +there. Indeed, dear mother, I know that your life and mine have had but +one object, one aim, and that even in the time we are passing through, +we have never lost sight of it, but have constantly tried to draw +nearer. + +Therefore our lives may not have been altogether useless. This is the +only thought to comfort an ambitious soul--to forecast the influence and +the consequences of its acts. + +I believe that if longer life had been granted me I should never have +relaxed in my purpose. Having no certainty but that of the present, I +have tried to put myself to the best use. + + +_March 25._ + +Here I am living this life in the earth again. I found the very hole +that I left last month. Nothing has been done while I was away; a +formidable attack was attempted, but it failed. The regiments ordered to +engage had neither our dash nor our perfect steadiness under fire. They +succeeded only in getting themselves cut to pieces, and in bringing upon +us the most atrocious bombardment that ever was. It seems the action +before this was nothing to be compared with it. My company lost a great +many men by the aerial bombs. These projectiles measure a metre in +height and twenty-seven centimetres in diameter; they describe a high +curve, and fall vertically, exploding in the narrowest passages. We are +several metres deep underground. Pleasant weather. At night we go to the +surface for our hard work. + +Dearest, I wanted to say a heap of things about our joys, but some of +them are best left quiet, unawakened. All coarse, common pleasure would +frighten them away--they might die. + +I am writing again after a sleep. We get all the sleep we can in our +dug-outs. + +I had a pile of thoughts that fatigue prevents my putting in order; but +I remember that I evoked Beethoven. I am now precisely at the age he had +reached when disaster came upon him; and I admired his great example, +his energies at work in spite of suffering. The impediment must have +seemed to him as grave as what is before me seems to us; but he +conquered. To my mind Beethoven is the most magnificent of human +translations of the creative Power. + +I am writing badly, for I am still asleep. + +How easy, how kind were all the circumstances of my return! I left the +house alone, but passing a battery of artillery I was accosted by the +non-commissioned officers with offers of the most friendly hospitality. +The artillery are devoted to the Tenth, for we defend them; and as the +good fellows are not even exposed to the rain they pity us exceedingly. + +I must close abruptly, loving you for your courage that so sustains me. +Whatever happens, I have recovered joy. The night I came was so lovely! + + +_March 26._ + +DEARLY BELOVED MOTHER,--Nothing new in our position; the organising goes +on. Interesting but not easy work. The fine weather prospers it. Now and +again our pickaxes come upon a poor dead man whom the war harasses even +in his grave. + + +_March 28_ (on the heights; a grey +Sunday; weather broken by +yesterday's bombardment). + +We are again in full fight. A great attack from our side has repeated +the carnage of last week. My company, which was cut up in the last +assault, was spared this time; we had nothing to do but occupy a sector +of the defence. So we got only the splashes of the fighting. + +On the loveliest Saturday of this spring I had a distant view of the +battle; I saw the crawling beast that a battalion looks like, twisting +as it advances under the smoke of the guns. The _chasseurs a pied_ go +forward in spite of the machine-guns and of the bombardment, French and +German. These fine fellows did what they had to do in spite of all, and +have made amends for the check we had last week when our attack was a +failure. + +For a month past I have been living Raffet's lithographs, with this +difference, that in his time one could be an eyewitness in comparative +safety at the distance where I stood, for the guns of those days did not +shoot far. But I saw fine things in that great plain beneath our +heights; a hundred thousand fires of bursting shells. And the +_chasseurs_ climbing, climbing. + + +_Sunday, March 28_ (2nd letter). + +DEAR MOTHER,--Radiant weather rose this morning. I have been a long way +over our sector, and now the bombardment begins again, and grows. + +And still I turn my thoughts to hope. Whatever happens, I pray for +wisdom for you and for me. + +Dearest, I feel at times how easy it would be to turn again to those +pursuits that were once the charm and the interest of my life. At times +I catch myself, in this lovely spring, so bent upon painting that I +could mourn because I paint no more. But I compel myself to master all +the resources of my will and to keep them to the difficult straits of +this life. + + +_April 1._ + +A sun that lays bare the lovely youth of the spring. The stream of the +Meuse runs through this rich and comely village, which the echoes of the +cannonade reach only as a dull thud, their meaning lost. + +We have had to change again, as the reinforcements are arriving in such +numbers that our places are wanted; and it is always our regiment that +has to turn out. + +But to-day all is freshness and light. The great rich plain that is +edged by the Meuse uplands has its distance all invested in the +tenderest silver tones. + +I am pleased with Gabrielle's letter; it shows me what things will be +laid upon the heart of France when these events are at an end. A +touching letter from Pierre, cured at last of his terrible wound. A +splendid letter from Grandmother. How she longs for our meeting again! I +cannot speak of it. + + * * * * * + +I finish this letter by the waterside, recalling with delight the joys I +used to have in painting. Before me are the sparkling rays of spring. + + +_April 3_ (post-card). + +Only a word from the second line. We are in the spring woods. Sun and +rain at play in the sky. Courage through all. + + +_April 3_ (2nd letter). + +I wish I had written you better letters in these days, every minute of +which has been sweet to me, even when we were in the front line. But I +confess that I was satisfied just to let myself live in the beauty of +the days, serene days in spite of the clamours of war. We know nothing +of what is to happen. But there is more movement--coming and going. +Shall we have to bear the shock again? + +Think what it was for us when we were last in the front line, to have to +spend whole days in the dug-out that the odious bombardment had +compelled us to hollow out of the hillside ten metres deep. There, in +complete darkness, night was awaited for the chance to get out. But once +my fellow non-commissioned officers and I began humming the nine +symphonies of Beethoven. I cannot tell what thrill woke those notes +within us. They seemed to kindle great lights in the cave. We forgot the +Chinese torture of being unable to lie, or sit, or stand. + +The life of a sergeant in billets is really quite pleasant. But I take +no advantage. As to the front, I hope Providence will give me strength +of heart to do my duty there to the very end. A good friend of mine, who +was my section-chief, has been appointed adjutant to our company. This +is all trivial enough; but, dearest, I am in a rather feeble state; I +was not well after the events of last month. So I let myself glide over +the gentle slopes of my life. Suppose one comes to skirt a precipice? +May Providence keep us away from the edge! + + +_April 4._ + +DARLING MOTHER,--A time of anxious waiting, big with the menace of near +things. Meanwhile, however, idleness and quiet. I am not able to think, +and I give myself up to my fate. Beloved, don't find fault with me if +for a month past I have been below the mark. Love me, and tell our +friends to love me. + +Did you get my photograph? It was taken at the fortunate time of our +position here, when we were having peaceful days, with no immediate +enemy except the cold. A few days later I was made corporal, and my life +became hard enough, burdened with very ungrateful labours. After that, +the storm; and the lights of that storm are still bright in my life. + + +_April 4, evening of Easter Sunday._ + +DEAR MOTHER,--We are again in the immediate care of God. At two o'clock +we march towards the storm. Beloved, I think of you, I think of you +both. I love you, and I entrust the three of us to the Providence of +God. May everything that happens find us ready! In the full power of my +soul, I pray for this, on your behalf, on mine: hope through all; but, +before all else, Wisdom and Love. + +I kiss you, without more words. All my mind is now set upon the hard +work to be done. + + +_April 5, 1 o'clock A.M._ + +DEAR MOTHER AND DEAR GRANDMOTHER,--We are off. Courage. Wisdom and Love. +Perhaps all this is ordained for the good of all. I can but send you my +whole love. My life is lived in you alone. + + +_April 5, towards noon._ + +DEAR MOTHER,--We are now to be put to the proof. Up to this moment there +has been no sign that mercy was failing us. It is for us to strive to +deserve it. This afternoon we shall need all our resolution, and we +shall have to call upon the supreme Wisdom for help. + +Dear beloved Mother, dear Grandmother, I wish I could still have the +delight of getting your letters. Let us pray that we may be strengthened +even in what is before us now. + +Dear Darling, once more all my love for you both. + +YOUR SON. + + +_April 6, noon._ + +DEAR BELOVED MOTHER,--It is mid-day, and we are at the forward position, +in readiness. I send you my whole love. Whatever comes to pass, life has +had its beauty. + + +_It was in the fight of this day, April 6, that the writer of these +letters disappeared._ + + * * * * * + +Printed by T. and A. CONSTABLE, Printers to His Majesty at the Edinburgh +University Press + + * * * * * + +Transcriber's notes: + +Periods added to a few date-lines to conform to rest of text. + +Page 95, A space in the text was replaced with "us as". This has been +surmised. "moves us as a Breughel . . ." + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Letters of a Soldier, by Anonymous + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK LETTERS OF A SOLDIER *** + +***** This file should be named 17316.txt or 17316.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/1/7/3/1/17316/ + +Produced by Irma Spehar, Emmy and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive/Canadian Libraries) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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