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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/20638-8.txt b/20638-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..e567b8d --- /dev/null +++ b/20638-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,2120 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of From Plotzk to Boston, by Mary Antin + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: From Plotzk to Boston + +Author: Mary Antin + +Commentator: Israel Zangwill + +Release Date: February 21, 2007 [EBook #20638] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FROM PLOTZK TO BOSTON *** + + + + +Produced by Arie Tuinman and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + + + + + + + + +From Plotzk to Boston + + +BY +MARY ANTIN + + +WITH A FOREWORD BY + +ISRAEL ZANGWILL + + + + +BOSTON, MASS. +W. B. CLARKE & CO., PARK STREET CHURCH +1899 + +COPYRIGHT, 1899 +BY MARY ANTIN + +PRESS OF PHILIP COWEN +NEW YORK CITY + + + * * * * * + + +DEDICATED TO + +HATTIE L. HECHT + +WITH THE LOVE AND GRATITUDE OF +THE AUTHOR + + + * * * * * + + +FOREWORD + + +The "infant phenomenon" in literature is rarer than in more physical +branches of art, but its productions are not likely to be of value +outside the doting domestic circle. Even Pope who "lisped in numbers for +the numbers came," did not add to our Anthology from his cradle, though +he may therein have acquired his monotonous rocking-metre. Immaturity of +mind and experience, so easily disguised on the stage or the +music-stool--even by adults--is more obvious in the field of pure +intellect. The contribution with which Mary Antin makes her début in +letters is, however, saved from the emptiness of embryonic thinking by +being a record of a real experience, the greatest of her life; her +journey from Poland to Boston. Even so, and remarkable as her +description is for a girl of eleven--for it was at this age that she +first wrote the thing in Yiddish, though she was thirteen when she +translated it into English--it would scarcely be worth publishing merely +as a literary curiosity. But it happens to possess an extraneous value. +For, despite the great wave of Russian immigration into the United +States, and despite the noble spirit in which the Jews of America have +grappled with the invasion, we still know too little of the inner +feelings of the people themselves, nor do we adequately realize what +magic vision of free America lures them on to face the great journey to +the other side of the world. + +Mary Antin's vivid description of all she and her dear ones went +through, enables us to see almost with our own eyes how the invasion of +America appears to the impecunious invader. It is thus "a human +document" of considerable value, as well as a promissory note of future +performance. The quick senses of the child, her keen powers of +observation and introspection, her impressionability both to sensations +and complex emotions--these are the very things out of which literature +is made; the raw stuff of art. Her capacity to handle English--after so +short a residence in America--shows that she possesses also the +instrument of expression. More fortunate than the poet of the Ghetto, +Morris Rosenfeld, she will have at her command the most popular language +in the world, and she has already produced in it passages of true +literature, especially in her impressionistic rendering of the sea and +the bustling phantasmagoria of travel. + +What will be her development no one can say precisely, and I would not +presume either to predict or to direct it, for "the wind bloweth where +it listeth." It will probably take lyrical shape. Like most modern +Jewesses who have written, she is, I fear, destined to spiritual +suffering: fortunately her work evidences a genial talent for enjoyment +and a warm humanity which may serve to counterbalance the curse of +reflectiveness. That she is growing, is evident from her own +Introduction, written only the other day, with its touches of humor and +more complex manipulation of groups of facts. But I have ventured to +counsel delay rather than precipitation in production--for she is not +yet sixteen--and the completion of her education, physical no less than +intellectual; and it is to this purpose that such profits as may accrue +from this publication will be devoted. Let us hope this premature +recognition of her potentialities will not injure their future +flowering, and that her development will add to those spiritual and +intellectual forces of which big-hearted American Judaism stands sorely +in need. I should explain in conclusion, that I have neither added nor +subtracted, even a comma, and that I have no credit in "discovering" +Mary Antin. I did but endorse the verdict of that kind and charming +Boston household in which I had the pleasure of encountering the gifted +Polish girl, and to a member of which this little volume is +appropriately dedicated. + +I. ZANGWILL. + + + + +PREFATORY + + +In the year 1891, a mighty wave of the emigration movement swept over +all parts of Russia, carrying with it a vast number of the Jewish +population to the distant shores of the New World--from tyranny to +democracy, from darkness to light, from bondage and persecution to +freedom, justice and equality. But the great mass knew nothing of these +things; they were going to the foreign world in hopes only of earning +their bread and worshiping their God in peace. The different currents +that directed the course of that wave cannot be here enumerated. Suffice +it to say that its power was enormous. All over the land homes were +broken up, families separated, lives completely altered, for a common +end. + +The emigration fever was at its height in Plotzk, my native town, in the +central western part of Russia, on the Dvina River. "America" was in +everybody's mouth. Business men talked of it over their accounts; the +market women made up their quarrels that they might discuss it from +stall to stall; people who had relatives in the famous land went around +reading their letters for the enlightenment of less fortunate folks; the +one letter-carrier informed the public how many letters arrived from +America, and who were the recipients; children played at emigrating; old +folks shook their sage heads over the evening fire, and prophesied no +good for those who braved the terrors of the sea and the foreign goal +beyond it;--all talked of it, but scarcely anybody knew one true fact +about this magic land. For book-knowledge was not for them; and a few +persons--they were a dressmaker's daughter, and a merchant with his two +sons--who had returned from America after a long visit, happened to be +endowed with extraordinary imagination, (a faculty closely related to +their knowledge of their old country-men's ignorance), and their +descriptions of life across the ocean, given daily, for some months, to +eager audiences, surpassed anything in the Arabian Nights. One sad fact +threw a shadow over the splendor of the gold-paved, Paradise-like +fairyland. The travelers all agreed that Jews lived there in the most +shocking impiety. + +Driven by a necessity for bettering the family circumstances, and by +certain minor forces which cannot now be named, my father began to think +seriously of casting his lot with the great stream of emigrants. Many +family councils were held before it was agreed that the plan must be +carried out. Then came the parting; for it was impossible for the whole +family to go at once. I remember it, though I was only eight. It struck +me as rather interesting to stand on the platform before the train, with +a crowd of friends weeping in sympathy with us, and father waving his +hat for our special benefit, and saying--the last words we heard him +speak as the train moved off-- + +"Good-bye, Plotzk, forever!" + +Then followed three long years of hope and doubt for father in America +and us in Russia. There were toil and suffering and waiting and anxiety +for all. There were--but to tell of all that happened in those years I +should have to write a separate history. The happy day came when we +received the long-coveted summons. And what stirring times followed! The +period of preparation was one of constant delight to us children. We +were four--my two sisters, one brother and myself. Our playmates looked +up to us in respectful admiration; neighbors, if they made no direct +investigations, bribed us with nice things for information as to what +was going into every box, package and basket. And the house was +dismantled--people came and carried off the furniture; closets, sheds +and other nooks were emptied of their contents; the great wood-pile was +taken away until only a few logs remained; ancient treasures such as +women are so loath to part with, and which mother had carried with her +from a dear little house whence poverty had driven us, were brought to +light from their hiding places, and sacrificed at the altar whose flames +were consuming so much that was fraught with precious association and +endeared by family tradition; the number of bundles and boxes increased +daily, and our home vanished hourly; the rooms became quite +uninhabitable at last, and we children glanced in glee, to the anger of +the echoes, when we heard that in the evening we were to start upon our +journey. + +But we did not go till the next morning, and then as secretly as +possible. For, despite the glowing tales concerning America, people +flocked to the departure of emigrants much as they did to a funeral; to +weep and lament while (in the former case only, I believe) they envied. +As everybody in Plotzk knew us, and as the departure of a whole family +was very rousing, we dared not brave the sympathetic presence of the +whole township, that we knew we might expect. So we gave out a false +alarm. + +Even then there was half the population of Plotzk on hand the next +morning. We were the heroes of the hour. I remember how the women +crowded around mother, charging her to deliver messages to their +relatives in America; how they made the air ring with their +unintelligible chorus; how they showered down upon us scores of +suggestions and admonitions; how they made us frantic with their +sympathetic weeping and wringing of hands; how, finally, the ringing of +the signal bell set them all talking faster and louder than ever, in +desperate efforts to give the last bits of advice, deliver the last +messages, and, to their credit let it be said, to give the final, +hearty, unfeigned good-bye kisses, hugs and good wishes. + +Well, we lived through three years of waiting, and also through a half +hour of parting. Some of our relatives came near being carried off, as, +heedless of the last bell, they lingered on in the car. But at last +they, too, had to go, and we, the wanderers, could scarcely see the +rainbow wave of colored handkerchiefs, as, dissolved in tears, we were +carried out of Plotzk, away from home, but nearer our longed-for haven +of reunion; nearer, indeed, to everything that makes life beautiful and +gives one an aim and an end--freedom, progress, knowledge, light and +truth, with their glorious host of followers. But we did not know it +then. + +The following pages contain the description of our journey, as I wrote +it four years ago, when it was all fresh in my memory. + +M. A. + + + + +FROM PLOTZK TO BOSTON. + + +The short journey from Plotzk to Vilna was uneventful. Station after +station was passed without our taking any interest in anything, for that +never-to-be-forgotten leave taking at the Plotzk railway station left us +all in such a state of apathy to all things except our own thoughts as +could not easily be thrown off. Indeed, had we not been obliged to +change trains at Devinsk and, being the inexperienced travellers we +were, do a great deal of bustling and hurrying and questioning of +porters and mere idlers, I do not know how long we would have remained +in that same thoughtful, silent state. + +Towards evening we reached Vilna, and such a welcome as we got! Up to +then I had never seen such a mob of porters and isvostchiky. I do not +clearly remember just what occurred, but a most vivid recollection of +being very uneasy for a time is still retained in my memory. You see my +uncle was to have met us at the station, but urgent business kept him +elsewhere. + +Now it was universally believed in Plotzk that it was wise not to trust +the first isvostchik who offered his services when one arrived in Vilna +a stranger, and I do not know to this day how mother managed to get +away from the mob and how, above all, she dared to trust herself with +her precious baggage to one of them. But I have thought better of Vilna +Isvostchiky since, for we were safely landed after a pretty long drive +in front of my uncle's store, with never one of our number lost, never a +bundle stolen or any mishap whatever. + +Our stay in Vilna was marked by nothing of interest. We stayed only long +enough for some necessary papers to reach us, and during that time I +discovered that Vilna was very much like Plotzk, though larger, cleaner +and noisier. There were the same coarse, hoarse-voiced women in the +market, the same kind of storekeepers in the low store doors, forever +struggling and quarrelling for a customer. The only really interesting +things I remember were the horsecars, which I had never even heard of, +and in one of which I had a lovely ride for five copeiky, and a large +book store on the Nemetzka yah Ulitza. The latter object may not seem of +any interest to most people, but I had never seen so many books in one +place before, and I could not help regarding them with longing and +wonder. + +At last all was in readiness for our start. This was really the +beginning of our long journey, which I shall endeavor to describe. + +I will not give any description of the various places we passed, for we +stopped at few places and always under circumstances which did not +permit of sightseeing. I shall only speak of such things as made a +distinct impression upon my mind, which, it must be remembered, was not +mature enough to be impressed by what older minds were, while on the +contrary it was in just the state to take in many things which others +heeded not. + +I do not know the exact date, but I do know that it was at the break of +day on a Sunday and very early in April when we left Vilna. We had not +slept any the night before. Fannie and I spent the long hours in playing +various quiet games and watching the clock. At last the long expected +hour arrived; our train would be due in a short time. All but Fannie and +myself had by this time fallen into a drowse, half sitting, half lying +on some of the many baskets and boxes that stood all about the room all +ready to be taken to the station. So we set to work to rouse the rest, +and with the aid of an alarm clock's loud ringing, we soon had them at +least half awake; and while the others sat rubbing their eyes and trying +to look wide awake, Uncle Borris had gone out, and when he returned with +several droskies to convey us to the station, we were all ready for the +start. + +We went out into the street, and now I perceived that not we alone were +sleepy; everything slept, and nature also slept, deeply, sweetly. + +The sky was covered with dark gray clouds (perhaps that was its +night-cap), from which a chill, drizzling rain was slowly descending, +and the thick morning fog shut out the road from our sight. No sound +came from any direction; slumber and quiet reigned everywhere, for every +thing and person slept, forgetful for a time of joys, sorrows, hopes, +fears,--everything. + +Sleepily we said our last good-byes to the family, took our seats in the +droskies, and soon the Hospitalnayah Ulitza was lost to sight. As the +vehicles rattled along the deserted streets, the noise of the horses' +hoofs and the wheels striking against the paving stones sounded +unusually loud in the general hush, and caused the echoes to answer +again and again from the silent streets and alleys. + +In a short time we were at the station. In our impatience we had come +too early, and now the waiting was very tiresome. Everybody knows how +lively and noisy it is at a railroad station when a train is expected. +But now there were but a few persons present, and in everybody's face I +could see the reflection of my own dissatisfaction, because, like +myself, they had much rather have been in a comfortable, warm bed than +up and about in the rain and fog. Everything was so uncomfortable. + +Suddenly we heard a long shrill whistle, to which the surrounding +dreariness gave a strangely mournful sound, the clattering train rushed +into the depot and stood still. Several passengers (they were very few) +left the cars and hastened towards where the droskies stood, and after +rousing the sleepy isvostchiky, were whirled away to their several +destinations. + +When we had secured our tickets and seen to the baggage we entered a car +in the women's division and waited impatiently for the train to start. +At last the first signal was given, then the second and third; the +locomotive shrieked and puffed, the train moved slowly, then swiftly it +left the depot far behind it. + +From Vilna to our next stopping place, Verzbolovo, there was a long, +tedious ride of about eight hours. As the day continued to be dull and +foggy, very little could be seen through the windows. Besides, no one +seemed to care or to be interested in anything. Sleepy and tired as we +all were, we got little rest, except the younger ones, for we had not +yet got used to living in the cars and could not make ourselves very +comfortable. For the greater part of the time we remained as unsocial as +the weather was unpleasant. The car was very still, there being few +passengers, among them a very pleasant kind gentleman travelling with +his pretty daughter. Mother found them very pleasant to chat with, and +we children found it less tiresome to listen to them. + +At half past twelve o'clock the train came to a stop before a large +depot, and the conductor announced "Verzbolovo, fifteen minutes!" The +sight that now presented itself was very cheering after our long, +unpleasant ride. The weather had changed very much. The sun was shining +brightly and not a trace of fog or cloud was to be seen. Crowds of +well-dressed people were everywhere--walking up and down the platform, +passing through the many gates leading to the street, sitting around the +long, well-loaded tables, eating, drinking, talking or reading +newspapers, waited upon by the liveliest, busiest waiters I had ever +seen--and there was such an activity and bustle about everything that I +wished I could join in it, it seemed so hard to sit still. But I had to +content myself with looking on with the others, while the friendly +gentleman whose acquaintance my mother had made (I do not recollect his +name) assisted her in obtaining our tickets for Eidtkunen, and attending +to everything else that needed attention, and there were many things. + +Soon the fifteen minutes were up, our kind fellow-passenger and his +daughter bade us farewell and a pleasant journey (we were just on the +brink of the beginning of our troubles), the train puffed out of the +depot and we all felt we were nearing a very important stage in our +journey. At this time, cholera was raging in Russia, and was spread by +emigrants going to America in the countries through which they +travelled. To stop this danger, measures were taken to make emigration +from Russia more difficult than ever. I believe that at all times the +crossing of the boundary between Russia and Germany was a source of +trouble to Russians, but with a special passport this was easily +overcome. When, however, the traveller could not afford to supply +himself with one, the boundary was crossed by stealth, and many amusing +anecdotes are told of persons who crossed in some disguise, often that +of a mujik who said he was going to the town on the German side to sell +some goods, carried for the purpose of ensuring the success of the ruse. +When several such tricks had been played on the guards it became very +risky, and often, when caught, a traveller resorted to stratagem, which +is very diverting when afterwards described, but not so at a time when +much depends on its success. Some times a paltry bribe secured one a +safe passage, and often emigrants were aided by men who made it their +profession to help them cross, often suffering themselves to be paid +such sums for the service that it paid best to be provided with a +special passport. + +As I said, the difficulties were greater at the time we were travelling, +and our friends believed we had better not attempt a stealthy crossing, +and we procured the necessary document to facilitate it. We therefore +expected little trouble, but some we thought there might be, for we had +heard some vague rumors to the effect that a special passport was not as +powerful an agent as it used to be. + +We now prepared to enjoy a little lunch, and before we had time to clear +it away the train stopped, and we saw several men in blue uniforms, gilt +buttons and brass helmets, if you may call them so, on their heads. At +his side each wore a kind of leather case attached to a wide bronze +belt. In these cases they carried something like a revolver, and each +had, besides, a little book with black oilcloth covers. + +I can give you no idea of the impression these men (they were German +gendarmes) made on us, by saying they frightened us. Perhaps because +their (to us) impressive appearance gave them a stern look; perhaps +because they really looked something more than grave, we were so +frightened. I only know that we were. I can see the reason now clearly +enough. Like all persons who were used to the tyranny of a Russian +policeman, who practically ruled the ward or town under his friendly +protection, and never hesitated to assert his rights as holder of +unlimited authority over his little domain, in that mild, amiable manner +so well known to such of his subjects as he particularly favored with +his vigilant regard--like all such persons, I say, we did not, could +not, expect to receive any kind treatment at the hands of a number of +officers, especially as we were in the very act of attempting to part +with our much-beloved mother country, of which act, to judge by the +pains it took to make it difficult, the government did not approve. It +was a natural fear in us, as you can easily see. Pretty soon mother +recovered herself, and remembering that the train stops for a few +minutes only, was beginning to put away the scattered articles hastily +when a gendarme entered our car and said we were not to leave it. Mamma +asked him why, but he said nothing and left the car, another gendarme +entering as he did so. He demanded where we were going, and, hearing the +answer, went out. Before we had had time to look about at each other's +frightened faces, another man, a doctor, as we soon knew, came in +followed by a third gendarme. + +The doctor asked many questions about our health, and of what +nationality we were. Then he asked about various things, as where we +were going to, if we had tickets, how much money we had, where we came +from, to whom we were going, etc., etc., making a note of every answer +he received. This done, he shook his head with his shining helmet on it, +and said slowly (I imagined he enjoyed frightening us), "With these +third class tickets you cannot go to America now, because it is +forbidden to admit emigrants into Germany who have not at least second +class tickets. You will have to return to Russia unless you pay at the +office here to have your tickets changed for second class ones." After a +few minutes' calculation and reference to the notes he had made, he +added calmly, "I find you will need two hundred rubles to get your +tickets exchanged;" and, as the finishing stroke to his pleasing +communication, added, "Your passports are of no use at all now because +the necessary part has to be torn out, whether you are allowed to pass +or not." A plain, short speech he made of it, that cruel man. Yet every +word sounded in our ears with an awful sound that stopped the beating of +our hearts for a while--sounded like the ringing of funeral bells to us, +and yet without the mournfully sweet music those bells make, that they +might heal while they hurt. + +We were homeless, houseless, and friendless in a strange place. We had +hardly money enough to last us through the voyage for which we had hoped +and waited for three long years. We had suffered much that the reunion +we longed for might come about; we had prepared ourselves to suffer more +in order to bring it about, and had parted with those we loved, with +places that were dear to us in spite of what we passed through in them, +never again to see them, as we were convinced--all for the same dear +end. With strong hopes and high spirits that hid the sad parting, we had +started on our long journey. And now we were checked so unexpectedly +but surely, the blow coming from where we little expected it, being, as +we believed, safe in that quarter. And that is why the simple words had +such a frightful meaning to us. We had received a wound we knew not how +to heal. + +When mother had recovered enough to speak she began to argue with the +gendarme, telling him our story and begging him to be kind. The children +were frightened by what they understood, and all but cried. I was only +wondering what would happen, and wishing I could pour out my grief in +tears, as the others did; but when I feel deeply I seldom show it in +that way, and always wish I could. + +Mother's supplications, and perhaps the children's indirect ones, had +more effect than I supposed they would. The officer was moved, even if +he had just said that tears would not be accepted instead of money, and +gave us such kind advice that I began to be sorry I had thought him +cruel, for it was easy to see that he was only doing his duty and had no +part in our trouble that he could be blamed for, now that I had more +kindly thoughts of him. + +He said that we would now be taken to Keebart, a few versts' distance +from Verzbolovo, where one Herr Schidorsky lived. This man, he said, was +well known for miles around, and we were to tell him our story and ask +him to help us, which he probably would, being very kind. + +A ray of hope shone on each of the frightened faces listening so +attentively to this bearer of both evil and happy tidings. I, for one, +was very confident that the good man would help us through our +difficulties, for I was most unwilling to believe that we really +couldn't continue our journey. Which of us was? I'd like to know. + +We are in Keebart, at the depot. The least important particular even of +that place, I noticed and remembered. How the porter--he was an ugly, +grinning man--carried in our things and put them away in the southern +corner of the big room, on the floor; how we sat down on a settee near +them, a yellow settee; how the glass roof let in so much light that we +had to shade our eyes because the car had been dark and we had been +crying; how there were only a few people besides ourselves there, and +how I began to count them and stopped when I noticed a sign over the +head of the fifth person--a little woman with a red nose and a pimple on +it, that seemed to be staring at me as much as the grayish-blue eyes +above them, it was so large and round--and tried to read the German, +with the aid of the Russian translation below. I noticed all this and +remembered it, as if there was nothing else in the world for me to think +of--no America, no gendarme to destroy one's passports and speak of two +hundred rubles as if he were a millionaire, no possibility of being sent +back to one's old home whether one felt at all grateful for the +kindness or not--nothing but that most attractive of places, full of +interesting sights. + +For, though I had been so hopeful a little while ago, I felt quite +discouraged when a man, very sour and grumbling--and he was a Jew--a +"Son of Mercy" as a certain song said--refused to tell mamma where +Schidorsky lived. I then believed that the whole world must have united +against us; and decided to show my defiant indifference by leaving the +world to be as unkind as it pleased, while I took no interest in such +trifles. + +So I let my mind lose itself in a queer sort of mist--a something I +cannot describe except by saying it must have been made up of lazy +inactivity. Through this mist I saw and heard indistinctly much that +followed. + +When I think of it now, I see how selfish it was to allow myself to +sink, body and mind, in such a sea of helpless laziness, when I might +have done something besides awaiting the end of that critical time, +whatever it might be--something, though what, I do not see even now, I +own. But I only studied the many notices till I thought myself very well +acquainted with the German tongue; and now and then tried to cheer the +other children, who were still inclined to cry, by pointing out to them +some of the things that interested me. For this faulty conduct I have no +excuse to give, unless youth and the fact that I was stunned with the +shock we had just received, will be accepted. + +I remember through that mist that mother found Schidorsky's home at +last, but was told she could not see him till a little later; that she +came back to comfort us, and found there our former fellow passenger who +had come with us from Vilna, and that he was very indignant at the way +in which we were treated, and scolded, and declared he would have the +matter in all the papers, and said we must be helped. I remember how +mamma saw Schidorsky at last, spoke to him, and then told us, word for +word, what his answer had been; that he wouldn't wait to be asked to use +all his influence, and wouldn't lose a moment about it, and he didn't, +for he went out at once on that errand, while his good daughter did her +best to comfort mamma with kind words and tea. I remember that there was +much going to the good man's house; much hurrying of special messengers +to and from Eidtkunen; trembling inquiries, uncertain replies made +hopeful only by the pitying, encouraging words and manners of the +deliverer--for all, even the servants, were kind as good angels at that +place. I remember that another little family--there were three--were +discovered by us in the same happy state as ourselves, and like the dogs +in the fable, who, receiving care at the hands of a kind man, sent their +friends to him for help, we sent them to our helper. + +I remember seeing night come out of that mist, and bringing more trains +and people and noise than the whole day (we still remained at the +depot), till I felt sick and dizzy. I remember wondering what kind of a +night it was, but not knowing how to find out, as if I had no senses. I +remember that somebody said we were obliged to remain in Keebart that +night and that we set out to find lodgings; that the most important +things I saw on the way were the two largest dolls I had ever seen, +carried by two pretty little girls, and a big, handsome father; and a +great deal of gravel in the streets, and boards for the crossings. I +remember that we found a little room (we had to go up four steps first) +that we could have for seventy-five copecks, with our tea paid for in +that sum. I remember, through that mist, how I wondered what I was +sleeping on that night, as I wondered about the weather; that we really +woke up in the morning (I was so glad to rest I had believed we should +never be disturbed again) and washed, and dressed and breakfasted and +went to the depot again, to be always on hand. I remember that mamma and +the father of the little family went at once to the only good man on +earth (I thought so) and that the party of three were soon gone, by the +help of some agent that was slower, for good reasons, in helping us. + +I remember that mamma came to us soon after and said that Herr +Schidorsky had told her to ask the Postmeister--some high official +there--for a pass to Eidtkunen; and there she should speak herself to +our protector's older brother who could help us by means of his great +power among the officers of high rank; that she returned in a few hours +and told us the two brothers were equal in kindness, for the older one, +too, said he would not wait to be asked to do his best for us. I +remember that another day--so-o-o long--passed behind the mist, and we +were still in that dreadful, noisy, tiresome depot, with no change, till +we went to spend the night at Herr Schidorsky's, because they wouldn't +let us go anywhere else. On the way there, I remember, I saw something +marvellous--queer little wooden sticks stuck on the lines where clothes +hung for some purpose. (I didn't think it was for drying, because you +know I always saw things hung up on fences and gates for such purposes. +The queer things turned out to be clothes-pins). And, I remember, I +noticed many other things of equal importance to our affairs, till we +came to the little house in the garden. Here we were received, I +remember with much kindness and hospitality. We had a fire made for us, +food and drink brought in, and a servant was always inquiring whether +anything more could be done for our comfort. + +I remember, still through that misty veil, what a pleasant evening we +passed, talking over what had so far happened, and wondering what would +come. I must have talked like one lost in a thick fog, groping +carefully. But, had I been shut up, mentally, in a tower nothing else +could pierce, the sense of gratitude that naturally sprung from the +kindness that surrounded us, must have, would have found a passage for +itself to the deepest cavities of the heart. Yes, though all my senses +were dulled by what had passed over us so lately, I was yet aware of the +deepest sense of thankfulness one can ever feel. I was aware of +something like the sweet presence of angels in the persons of good +Schidorsky and his family. Oh, that some knowledge of that gratitude +might reach those for whom we felt it so keenly! We all felt it. But the +deepest emotions are so hard to express. I thought of this as I lay +awake a little while, and said to myself, thinking of our benefactor, +that he was a Jew, a true "Son of Mercy." And I slept with that thought. +And this is the last I remember seeing and feeling behind that mist of +lazy inactivity. + +The next morning, I woke not only from the night's sleep, but from my +waking dreaminess. All the vapors dispersed as I went into the pretty +flower garden where the others were already at play, and by the time we +had finished a good breakfast, served by a dear servant girl, I felt +quite myself again. + +Of course, mamma hastened to Herr Schidorsky as soon as she could, and +he sent her to the Postmeister again, to ask him to return the part of +our passports that had been torn out, and without which we could not go +on. He said he would return them as soon as he received word from +Eidtkunen. So we could only wait and hope. At last it came and so +suddenly that we ran off to the depot with hardly a hat on all our +heads, or a coat on our backs, with two men running behind with our +things, making it a very ridiculous sight. We have often laughed over it +since. + +Of course, in such a confusion we could not say even one word of +farewell or thanks to our deliverers. But, turning to see that we were +all there, I saw them standing in the gate, crying that all was well +now, and wishing us many pleasant things, and looking as if they had +been receiving all the blessings instead of us. + +I have often thought they must have purposely arranged it that we should +have to leave in a hurry, because they wouldn't stand any expression of +gratefulness. + +Well, we just reached our car in time to see our baggage brought from +the office and ourselves inside, when the last bell rang. Then, before +we could get breath enough to utter more than faint gasps of delight, we +were again in Eidtkunen. + +The gendarmes came to question us again, but when mother said that we +were going to Herr Schidorsky of Eidtkunen, as she had been told to +say, we were allowed to leave the train. I really thought we were to be +the visitors of the elder Schidorsky, but it turned out to be only an +understanding between him and the officers that those claiming to be on +their way to him were not to be troubled. + +At any rate, we had now really crossed the forbidden boundary--we were +in Germany. + +There was a terrible confusion in the baggage-room where we were +directed to go. Boxes, baskets, bags, valises, and great, shapeless +things belonging to no particular class were thrown about by porters and +other men, who sorted them and put tickets on all but those containing +provisions, while others were opened and examined in haste. At last our +turn came, and our things, along with those of all other American-bound +travellers, were taken away to be steamed and smoked and other such +processes gone through. We were told to wait till notice should be given +us of something else to be done. Our train would not depart till nine in +the evening. + +As usual, I noticed all the little particulars of the waiting room. What +else could I do with so much time and not even a book to read? I could +describe it exactly--the large, square room, painted walls, long tables +with fruits and drinks of all kinds covering them, the white chairs, +carved settees, beautiful china and cut glass showing through the glass +doors of the dressers, and the nickel samovar, which attracted my +attention because I had never seen any but copper or brass ones. The +best and the worst of everything there was a large case full of books. +It was the best, because they were "books" and all could use them; the +worst, because they were all German, and my studies in the railway depot +of Keebart had not taught me so much that I should be able to read books +in German. It was very hard to see people get those books and enjoy them +while I couldn't. It was impossible to be content with other people's +pleasure, and I wasn't. + +When I had almost finished counting the books, I noticed that mamma and +the others had made friends with a family of travellers like ourselves. +Frau Gittleman and her five children made very interesting companions +for the rest of the day, and they seemed to think that Frau Antin and +the four younger Antins were just as interesting; perhaps excepting, in +their minds, one of them who must have appeared rather uninteresting +from a habit she had of looking about as if always expecting to make +discoveries. + +But she was interested, if not interesting, enough when the oldest of +the young Gittlemans, who was a young gentleman of seventeen, produced +some books which she could read. Then all had a merry time together, +reading, talking, telling the various adventures of the journey, and +walking, as far as we were allowed, up and down the long platform +outside, till we were called to go and see, if we wanted to see, how our +things were being made fit for further travel. It was interesting to see +how they managed to have anything left to return to us, after all the +processes of airing and smoking and steaming and other assaults on +supposed germs of the dreaded cholera had been done with, the pillows, +even, being ripped open to be steamed! All this was interesting, but we +were rather disagreeably surprised when a bill for these unasked-for +services had to be paid. + +The Gittlemans, we found, were to keep us company for some time. At the +expected hour we all tried to find room in a car indicated by the +conductor. We tried, but could only find enough space on the floor for +our baggage, on which we made believe sitting comfortably. For now we +were obliged to exchange the comparative comforts of a third class +passenger train for the certain discomforts of a fourth class one. There +were only four narrow benches in the whole car, and about twice as many +people were already seated on these as they were probably supposed to +accommodate. All other space, to the last inch, was crowded by +passengers or their luggage. It was very hot and close and altogether +uncomfortable, and still at every new station fresh passengers came +crowding in, and actually made room, spare as it was, for themselves. It +became so terrible that all glared madly at the conductor as he allowed +more people to come into that prison, and trembled at the announcement +of every station. I cannot see even now how the officers could allow +such a thing; it was really dangerous. The most remarkable thing was the +good-nature of the poor passengers. Few showed a sour face even; not a +man used any strong language (audibly, at least). They smiled at each +other as if they meant to say, "I am having a good time; so are you, +aren't you?" Young Gittleman was very gallant, and so cheerful that he +attracted everybody's attention. He told stories, laughed, and made us +unwilling to be outdone. During one of his narratives he produced a +pretty memorandum book that pleased one of us very much, and that +pleasing gentleman at once presented it to her. She has kept it since in +memory of the giver, and, in the right place, I could tell more about +that matter--very interesting. + +I have given so much space to the description of that one night's +adventures because I remember it so distinctly, with all its +discomforts, and the contrast of our fellow-travellers' kindly +dispositions. At length that dreadful night passed, and at dawn about +half the passengers left, all at once. There was such a sigh of relief +and a stretching of cramped limbs as can only be imagined, as the +remaining passengers inhaled the fresh cold air of dewy dawn. It was +almost worth the previous suffering to experience the pleasure of relief +that followed. + +All day long we travelled in the same train, sleeping, resting, eating, +and wishing to get out. But the train stopped for a very short time at +the many stations, and all the difference that made to us was that +pretty girls passed through the cars with little bark baskets filled +with fruit and flowers hardly fresher or prettier than their bearers, +who generally sold something to our young companion, for he never +wearied of entertaining us. + +Other interests there were none. The scenery was nothing unusual, only +towns, depots, roads, fields, little country houses with barns and +cattle and poultry--all such as we were well acquainted with. If +something new did appear, it was passed before one could get a good look +at it. The most pleasing sights were little barefoot children waving +their aprons or hats as we eagerly watched for them, because that +reminded us of our doing the same thing when we saw the passenger +trains, in the country. We used to wonder whether we should ever do so +again. + +Towards evening we came into Berlin. I grow dizzy even now when I think +of our whirling through that city. It seemed we were going faster and +faster all the time, but it was only the whirl of trains passing in +opposite directions and close to us that made it seem so. The sight of +crowds of people such as we had never seen before, hurrying to and fro, +in and out of great depots that danced past us, helped to make it more +so. Strange sights, splendid buildings, shops, people and animals, all +mingled in one great, confused mass of a disposition to continually move +in a great hurry, wildly, with no other aim but to make one's head go +round and round, in following its dreadful motions. Round and round went +my head. It was nothing but trains, depots, crowds--crowds, depots, +trains, again and again, with no beginning, no end, only a mad dance! +Faster and faster we go, faster still, and the noise increases with the +speed. Bells, whistles, hammers, locomotives shrieking madly, men's +voices, peddlers' cries, horses' hoofs, dogs' barking--all united in +doing their best to drown every other sound but their own, and made such +a deafening uproar in the attempt that nothing could keep it out. Whirl, +noise, dance, uproar--will it last forever? I'm so--o diz-z-zy! How my +head aches! + +And oh! those people will be run over! Stop the train, they'll--thank +goodness, nobody is hurt. But who ever heard of a train passing right +through the middle of a city, up in the air, it seems. Oh, dear! it's no +use thinking, my head spins so. Right through the business streets! Why, +who ever--! + +I must have lived through a century of this terrible motion and din and +unheard of roads for trains, and confused thinking. But at length +everything began to take a more familiar appearance again, the noise +grew less, the roads more secluded, and by degrees we recognized the +dear, peaceful country. Now we could think of Berlin, or rather, what we +had seen of it, more calmly, and wonder why it made such an impression. +I see now. We had never seen so large a city before, and were not +prepared to see such sights, bursting upon us so suddenly as that. It +was like allowing a blind man to see the full glare of the sun all at +once. Our little Plotzk, and even the larger cities we had passed +through, compared to Berlin about the same as total darkness does to +great brilliancy of light. + +In a great lonely field opposite a solitary wooden house within a large +yard, our train pulled up at last, and a conductor commanded the +passengers to make haste and get out. He need not have told us to hurry; +we were glad enough to be free again after such a long imprisonment in +the uncomfortable car. All rushed to the door. We breathed more freely +in the open field, but the conductor did not wait for us to enjoy our +freedom. He hurried us into the one large room which made up the house, +and then into the yard. Here a great many men and women, dressed in +white, received us, the women attending to the women and girls of the +passengers, and the men to the others. + +This was another scene of bewildering confusion, parents losing their +children, and little ones crying; baggage being thrown together in one +corner of the yard, heedless of contents, which suffered in consequence; +those white-clad Germans shouting commands always accompanied with +"Quick! Quick!"; the confused passengers obeying all orders like meek +children, only questioning now and then what was going to be done with +them. + +And no wonder if in some minds stories arose of people being captured by +robbers, murderers, and the like. Here we had been taken to a lonely +place where only that house was to be seen; our things were taken away, +our friends separated from us; a man came to inspect us, as if to +ascertain our full value; strange looking people driving us about like +dumb animals, helpless and unresisting; children we could not see, +crying in a way that suggested terrible things; ourselves driven into a +little room where a great kettle was boiling on a little stove; our +clothes taken off, our bodies rubbed with a slippery substance that +might be any bad thing; a shower of warm water let down on us without +warning; again driven to another little room where we sit, wrapped in +woollen blankets till large, coarse bags are brought in, their contents +turned out and we see only a cloud of steam, and hear the women's +orders to dress ourselves, quick, quick, or else we'll miss--something +we cannot hear. We are forced to pick out our clothes from among all the +others, with the steam blinding us; we choke, cough, entreat the women +to give us time; they persist, "Quick, quick, or you'll miss the train!" +Oh, so we really won't be murdered! They are only making us ready for +the continuing of our journey, cleaning us of all suspicions of +dangerous germs. Thank God! + +Assured by the word "train" we manage to dress ourselves after a +fashion, and the man comes again to inspect us. All is right, and we are +allowed to go into the yard to find our friends and our luggage. Both +are difficult tasks, the second even harder. Imagine all the things of +some hundreds of people making a journey like ours, being mostly +unpacked and mixed together in one sad heap. It was disheartening, but +done at last was the task of collecting our belongings, and we were +marched into the big room again. Here, on the bare floor, in a ring, sat +some Polish men and women singing some hymn in their own tongue, and +making more noise than music. We were obliged to stand and await further +orders, the few seats being occupied, and the great door barred and +locked. We were in a prison, and again felt some doubts. Then a man came +in and called the passengers' names, and when they answered they were +made to pay two marcs each for the pleasant bath we had just been +forced to take. + +Another half hour, and our train arrived. The door was opened, and we +rushed out into the field, glad to get back even to the fourth class +car. + +We had lost sight of the Gittlemans, who were going a different way now, +and to our regret hadn't even said good-bye, or thanked them for their +kindness. + +After the preceding night of wakefulness and discomfort, the weary day +in the train, the dizzy whirl through Berlin, the fright we had from the +rough proceedings of the Germans, and all the strange experiences of the +place we just escaped--after all this we needed rest. But to get it was +impossible for all but the youngest children. If we had borne great +discomforts on the night before, we were suffering now. I had thought +anything worse impossible. Worse it was now. The car was even more +crowded, and people gasped for breath. People sat in strangers' laps, +only glad of that. The floor was so thickly lined that the conductor +could not pass, and the tickets were passed to him from hand to hand. +To-night all were more worn out, and that did not mend their +dispositions. They could not help falling asleep and colliding with +someone's nodding head, which called out angry mutterings and growls. +Some fell off their seats and caused a great commotion by rolling over +on the sleepers on the floor, and, in spite of my own sleepiness and +weariness, I had many quiet laughs by myself as I watched the funny +actions of the poor travellers. + +Not until very late did I fall asleep. I, with the rest, missed the +pleasant company of our friends, the Gittlemans, and thought about them +as I sat perched on a box, with an old man's knees for the back of my +seat, another man's head continually striking my right shoulder, a dozen +or so arms being tossed restlessly right in front of my face, and as +many legs holding me a fast prisoner, so that I could only try to keep +my seat against all the assaults of the sleepers who tried in vain to +make their positions more comfortable. It was all so comical, in spite +of all the inconveniences, that I tried hard not to laugh out loud, till +I too fell asleep. I was awakened very early in the morning by something +chilling and uncomfortable on my face, like raindrops coming down +irregularly. I found it was a neighbor of mine eating cheese, who was +dropping bits on my face. So I began the day with a laugh at the man's +funny apologies, but could not find much more fun in the world on +account of the cold and the pain of every limb. It was very miserable, +till some breakfast cheered me up a little. + +About eight o'clock we reached Hamburg. Again there was a gendarme to +ask questions, look over the tickets and give directions. But all the +time he kept a distance from those passengers who came from Russia, all +for fear of the cholera. We had noticed before how people were afraid to +come near us, but since that memorable bath in Berlin, and all the +steaming and smoking of our things, it seemed unnecessary. + +We were marched up to the strangest sort of vehicle one could think of. +It was a something I don't know any name for, though a little like an +express wagon. At that time I had never seen such a high, narrow, long +thing, so high that the women and girls couldn't climb up without the +men's help, and great difficulty; so narrow that two persons could not +sit comfortably side by side, and so long that it took me some time to +move my eyes from the rear end, where the baggage was, to the front, +where the driver sat. + +When all had settled down at last (there were a number besides +ourselves) the two horses started off very fast, in spite of their heavy +load. Through noisy, strange looking streets they took us, where many +people walked or ran or rode. Many splendid houses, stone and brick, and +showy shops, they passed. Much that was very strange to us we saw, and +little we knew anything about. There a little cart loaded with bottles +or tin cans, drawn by a goat or a dog, sometimes two, attracted our +attention. Sometimes it was only a nurse carrying a child in her arms +that seemed interesting, from the strange dress. Often it was some +article displayed in a shop window or door, or the usually smiling owner +standing in the doorway, that called for our notice. Not that there was +anything really unusual in many of these things, but a certain air of +foreignness, which sometimes was very vague, surrounded everything that +passed before our interested gaze as the horses hastened on. + +The strangest sight of all we saw as we came into the still noisier +streets. Something like a horse-car such as we had seen in Vilna for the +first time, except that it was open on both sides (in most cases) but +without any horses, came flying--really flying--past us. For we stared +and looked it all over, and above, and under, and rubbed our eyes, and +asked of one another what we saw, and nobody could find what it was that +made the thing go. And go it did, one after another, faster than we, +with nothing to move it. "Why, what _is_ that?" we kept exclaiming. +"Really, do you see anything that makes it go? I'm sure I don't." Then I +ventured the highly probable suggestion, "Perhaps it's the fat man in +the gray coat and hat with silver buttons. I guess he pushes it. I've +noticed one in front on every one of them, holding on to that shining +thing." And I'm sure this was as wise a solution of the mystery as +anyone could give, except the driver, who laughed to himself and his +horses over our surprise and wonder at nothing he could see to cause +it. + +But we couldn't understand his explanation, though we always got along +very easily with the Germans, and not until much later did we know that +those wonderful things, with only a fat man to move them, were electric +cars. + +The sightseeing was not all on our side. I noticed many people stopping +to look at us as if amused, though most passed by as though used to such +sights. We did make a queer appearance all in a long row, up above +people's heads. In fact, we looked like a flock of giant fowls roosting, +only wide awake. + +Suddenly, when everything interesting seemed at an end, we all +recollected how long it was since we had started on our funny ride. +Hours, we thought, and still the horses ran. Now we rode through quieter +streets where there were fewer shops and more wooden houses. Still the +horses seemed to have but just started. I looked over our perch again. +Something made me think of a description I had read of criminals being +carried on long journeys in uncomfortable things--like this? Well, it +was strange--this long, long drive, the conveyance, no word of +explanation, and all, though going different ways, being packed off +together. We were strangers; the driver knew it. He might take us +anywhere--how could we tell? I was frightened again as in Berlin. The +faces around me confessed the same. + +The streets became quieter still; no shops, only little houses; hardly +any people passing. Now we cross many railway tracks and I can hear the +sea not very distant. There are many trees now by the roadside, and the +wind whistles through their branches. The wheels and hoofs make a great +noise on the stones, the roar of the sea and the wind among the branches +have an unfriendly sound. + +The horses never weary. Still they run. There are no houses now in view, +save now and then a solitary one, far away. I can see the ocean. Oh, it +is stormy. The dark waves roll inward, the white foam flies high in the +air; deep sounds come from it. The wheels and hoofs make a great noise; +the wind is stronger, and says, "Do you hear the sea?" And the ocean's +roar threatens. The sea threatens, and the wind bids me hear it, and the +hoofs and the wheels repeat the command, and so do the trees, by +gestures. + +Yes, we are frightened. We are very still. Some Polish women over there +have fallen asleep, and the rest of us look such a picture of woe, and +yet so funny, it is a sight to see and remember. + +At last, at last! Those unwearied horses have stopped. Where? In front +of a brick building, the only one on a large, broad street, where only +the trees, and, in the distance, the passing trains can be seen. Nothing +else. The ocean, too, is shut out. + +All were helped off, the baggage put on the sidewalk, and then taken up +again and carried into the building, where the passengers were ordered +to go. On the left side of the little corridor was a small office where +a man sat before a desk covered with papers. These he pushed aside when +we entered, and called us in one by one, except, of course children. As +usual, many questions were asked, the new ones being about our tickets. +Then each person, children included, had to pay three marcs--one for the +wagon that brought us over and two for food and lodgings, till our +various ships should take us away. + +Mamma, having five to pay for, owed fifteen marcs. The little sum we +started with was to last us to the end of the journey, and would have +done so if there hadn't been those unexpected bills to pay at Keebart, +Eidtkunen, Berlin, and now at the office. Seeing how often services were +forced upon us unasked and payment afterwards demanded, mother had begun +to fear that we should need more money, and had sold some things to a +woman for less than a third of their value. In spite of that, so heavy +was the drain on the spare purse where it had not been expected, she +found to her dismay that she had only twelve marcs left to meet the new +bill. + +The man in the office wouldn't believe it, and we were given over in +charge of a woman in a dark gray dress and long white apron, with a red +cross on her right arm. She led us away and thoroughly searched us all, +as well as our baggage. That was nice treatment, like what we had been +receiving since our first uninterrupted entrance into Germany. Always a +call for money, always suspicion of our presence and always rough orders +and scowls of disapproval, even at the quickest obedience. And now this +outrageous indignity! We had to bear it all because we were going to +America from a land cursed by the dreadful epidemic. Others besides +ourselves shared these trials, the last one included, if that were any +comfort, which it was not. + +When the woman reported the result of the search as being fruitless, the +man was satisfied, and we were ordered with the rest through many more +examinations and ceremonies before we should be established under the +quarantine, for that it was. + +While waiting for our turn to be examined by the doctor I looked about, +thinking it worth while to get acquainted with a place where we might be +obliged to stay for I knew not how long. The room where we were sitting +was large, with windows so high up that we couldn't see anything through +them. In the middle stood several long wooden tables, and around these +were settees of the same kind. On the right, opposite the doctor's +office, was a little room where various things could be bought of a +young man--if you hadn't paid all your money for other things. + +When the doctor was through with us he told us to go to Number Five. Now +wasn't that like in a prison? We walked up and down a long yard looking, +among a row of low, numbered doors, for ours, when we heard an +exclamation of, "Oh, Esther! how do you happen to be here?" and, on +seeing the speaker, found it to be an old friend of ours from Plotzk. +She had gone long before us, but her ship hadn't arrived yet. She was +surprised to see us because we had had no intention of going when she +went. + +What a comfort it was to find a friend among all the strangers! She +showed us at once to our new quarters, and while she talked to mamma I +had time to see what they were like. + +It looked something like a hospital, only less clean and comfortable; +more like the soldiers' barracks I had seen. I saw a very large room, +around whose walls were ranged rows of high iron double bedsteads, with +coarse sacks stuffed with something like matting, and not over-clean +blankets for the only bedding, except where people used their own. There +were three windows almost touching the roof, with nails covering all the +framework. From the ceiling hung two round gas lamps, and almost under +them stood a little wooden table and a settee. The floor was of stone. + +Here was a pleasant prospect. We had no idea how long this unattractive +place might be our home. + +Our friend explained that Number Five was only for Jewish women and +girls, and the beds were sleeping rooms, dining rooms, parlors, and +everything else, kitchens excepted. It seemed so, for some were lounging +on the beds, some sitting up, some otherwise engaged, and all were +talking and laughing and making a great noise. Poor things! there was +nothing else to do in that prison. + +Before mother had told our friend of our adventures, a girl, also a +passenger, who had been walking in the yard, ran in and announced, "It's +time to go to dinner! He has come already." "He" we soon learned, was +the overseer of the Jewish special kitchen, without whom the meals were +never taken. + +All the inmates of Number Five rushed out in less than a minute, and I +wondered why they hurried so. When we reached the place that served as +dining room, there was hardly any room for us. Now, while the dinner is +being served, I will tell you what I can see. + +In the middle of the yard stood a number of long tables covered with +white oilcloth. On either side of each table stood benches on which all +the Jewish passengers were now seated, looking impatiently at the door +with the sign "Jewish Kitchen" over it. Pretty soon a man appeared in +the doorway, tall, spare, with a thin, pointed beard, and an air of +importance on his face. It was "he", the overseer, who carried a large +tin pail filled with black bread cut into pieces of half a pound each. +He gave a piece to every person, the youngest child and the biggest man +alike, and then went into the kitchen and filled his pail with soup and +meat, giving everybody a great bowl full of soup and a small piece of +meat. All attacked their rations as soon as they received them and +greatly relished the coarse bread and dark, hot water they called soup. +We couldn't eat those things and only wondered how any one could have +such an appetite for such a dinner. We stopped wondering when our own +little store of provisions gave out. + +After dinner, the people went apart, some going back to their beds and +others to walk in the yard or sit on the settees there. There was no +other place to go to. The doors of the prison were never unlocked except +when new passengers arrived or others left for their ships. The +fences--they really were solid walls--had wires and nails on top, so +that one couldn't even climb to get a look at the sea. + +We went back to our quarters to talk over matters and rest from our +journey. At six o'clock the doctor came with a clerk, and, standing +before the door, bade all those in the yard belonging to Number Five +assemble there; and then the roll was called and everybody received a +little ticket as she answered to her name. With this all went to the +kitchen and received two little rolls and a large cup of partly +sweetened tea. This was supper; and breakfast, served too in this way +was the same. Any wonder that people hurried to dinner and enjoyed it? +And it was always the same thing, no change. + +Little by little we became used to the new life, though it was hard to +go hungry day after day, and bear the discomforts of the common room, +shared by so many; the hard beds (we had little bedding of our own), and +the confinement to the narrow limits of the yard, and the tiresome +sameness of the life. Meal hours, of course, played the most important +part, while the others had to be filled up as best we could. The weather +was fine most of the time and that helped much. Everything was an event, +the arrival of fresh passengers a great one which happened every day; +the day when the women were allowed to wash clothes by the well was a +holiday, and the few favorite girls who were allowed to help in the +kitchen were envied. On dull, rainy days, the man coming to light the +lamps at night was an object of pleasure, and every one made the best of +everybody else. So when a young man arrived who had been to America once +before, he was looked up to by every person there as a superior, his +stories of our future home listened to with delight, and his manners +imitated by all, as a sort of fit preparation. He was wanted everywhere, +and he made the best of his greatness by taking liberties and putting +on great airs and, I afterwards found, imposing on our ignorance very +much. But anything "The American" did passed for good, except his going +away a few days too soon. + +Then a girl came who was rather wanting a little brightness. So all +joined in imposing upon her by telling her a certain young man was a +great professor whom all owed respect and homage to, and she would do +anything in the world to express hers, while he used her to his best +advantage, like the willing slave she was. Nobody seemed to think this +unkind at all, and it really was excusable that the poor prisoners, +hungry for some entertainment, should try to make a little fun when the +chance came. Besides, the girl had opened the temptation by asking, "Who +was the handsome man in the glasses? A professor surely;" showing that +she took glasses for a sure sign of a professor, and professor for the +highest possible title of honor. Doesn't this excuse us? + +The greatest event was the arrival of some ship to take some of the +waiting passengers. When the gates were opened and the lucky ones said +good bye, those left behind felt hopeless of ever seeing the gates open +for them. It was both pleasant and painful, for the strangers grew to be +fast friends in a day and really rejoiced in each other's fortune, but +the regretful envy could not be helped either. + +Amid such events as these a day was like a month at least. Eight of +these we had spent in quarantine when a great commotion was noticed +among the people of Number Five and those of the corresponding number in +the men's division. There was a good reason for it. You remember that it +was April and Passover was coming on; in fact, it began that night. The +great question was, Would we be able to keep it exactly according to the +host of rules to be obeyed? You who know all about the great holiday can +understand what the answer to that question meant to us. Think of all +the work and care and money it takes to supply a family with all the +things proper and necessary, and you will see that to supply a few +hundred was no small matter. Now, were they going to take care that all +was perfectly right, and could we trust them if they promised, or should +we be forced to break any of the laws that ruled the holiday? + +All day long there was talking and questioning and debating and +threatening that "we would rather starve than touch anything we were not +sure of." And we meant it. So some men and women went to the overseer to +let him know what he had to look out for. He assured them that he would +rather starve along with us than allow anything to be in the least +wrong. Still, there was more discussing and shaking of heads, for they +were not sure yet. + +There was not a crumb anywhere to be found, because what bread we +received was too precious for any of it to be wasted; but the women made +a great show of cleaning up Number Five, while they sighed and looked +sad and told one another of the good hard times they had at home getting +ready for Passover. Really, hard as it is, when one is used to it from +childhood, it seems part of the holiday, and can't be left out. To sit +down and wait for supper as on other nights seemed like breaking one of +the laws. So they tried hard to be busy. + +At night we were called by the overseer (who tried to look more +important than ever in his holiday clothes--not his best, though) to the +feast spread in one of the unoccupied rooms. We were ready for it, and +anxious enough. We had had neither bread nor matzo for dinner, and were +more hungry than ever, if that is possible. We now found everything +really prepared; there were the pillows covered with a snow-white +spread, new oilcloth on the newly scrubbed tables, some little candles +stuck in a basin of sand on the window-sill for the women, and--a sure +sign of a holiday--both gas lamps burning. Only one was used on other +nights. + +Happy to see these things, and smell the supper, we took our places and +waited. Soon the cook came in and filled some glasses with wine from two +bottles,--one yellow, one red. Then she gave to each person--exactly one +and a half matzos; also some cold meat, burned almost to a coal for the +occasion. + +The young man--bless him--who had the honor to perform the ceremonies, +was, fortunately for us all, one of the passengers. He felt for and with +us, and it happened--just a coincidence--that the greater part of the +ceremony escaped from his book as he turned the leaves. Though strictly +religious, nobody felt in the least guilty about it, especially on +account of the wine; for, when we came to the place where you have to +drink the wine, we found it tasted like good vinegar, which made us all +choke and gasp, and one little girl screamed "Poison!" so that all +laughed, and the leader, who tried to go on, broke down too at the sight +of the wry faces he saw; while the overseer looked shocked, the cook +nearly set her gown on fire by overthrowing the candles with her apron +(used to hide her face) and all wished our Master Overseer had to drink +that "wine" all his days. + +Think of the same ceremony as it is at home, then of this one just +described. Do they even resemble each other? + +Well, the leader got through amid much giggling and sly looks among the +girls who understood the trick, and frowns of the older people (who +secretly blessed him for it). Then, half hungry, all went to bed and +dreamed of food in plenty. + +No other dreams? Rather! For the day that brought the Passover brought +us--our own family--the most glorious news. We had been ordered to +bring our baggage to the office! + +"Ordered to bring our baggage to the office!" That meant nothing less +than that we were "going the next day!" + +It was just after supper that we received the welcome order. Oh, who +cared if there wasn't enough to eat? Who cared for anything in the whole +world? We didn't. It was all joy and gladness and happy anticipation for +us. We laughed, and cried, and hugged one another, and shouted, and +acted altogether like wild things. Yes, we were wild with joy, and long +after the rest were asleep, we were whispering together and wondering +how we could keep quiet the whole night. We couldn't sleep by any means, +we were so afraid of oversleeping the great hour; and every little +while, after we tried to sleep, one of us would suddenly think she saw +day at the window, and wake the rest, who also had only been pretending +to sleep while watching in the dark for daylight. + +When it came, it found no watchful eye, after all. The excitement gave +way to fatigue, and drowsiness first, then deep sleep, completed its +victory. It was eight o'clock when we awoke. The morning was cloudy and +chilly, the sun being too lazy to attend to business; now and then it +rained a little, too. And yet it was the most beautiful day that had +ever dawned on Hamburg. + +We enjoyed everything offered for breakfast, two matzos and two cups of +tea apiece--why it was a banquet. After it came the good-byes, as we +were going soon. As I told you before, the strangers became fast friends +in a short time under the circumstances, so there was real sorrow at the +partings, though the joy of the fortunate ones was, in a measure, shared +by all. + +About one o'clock (we didn't go to dinner--we couldn't eat for +excitement) we were called. There were three other families, an old +woman, and a young man, among the Jewish passengers, who were going with +us, besides some Polish people. We were all hurried through the door we +had watched with longing for so long, and were a little way from it when +the old woman stopped short and called on the rest to wait. + +"We haven't any matzo!" she cried in alarm. "Where's the overseer?" + +Sure enough we had forgotten it, when we might as well have left one of +us behind. We refused to go, calling for the overseer, who had promised +to supply us, and the man who had us in charge grew angry and said he +wouldn't wait. It was a terrible situation for us. + +"Oh," said the man, "you can go and get your matzo, but the boat won't +wait for you." And he walked off, followed by the Polish people only. + +We had to decide at once. We looked at the old woman. She said she +wasn't going to start on a dangerous journey with such a sin on her +soul. Then the children decided. They understood the matter. They cried +and begged to follow the party. And we did. + +Just when we reached the shore, the cook came up panting hard. She +brought us matzo. How relieved we were then! + +We got on a little steamer (the name is too big for it) that was managed +by our conductor alone. Before we had recovered from the shock of the +shrill whistle so near us, we were landing in front of a large stone +building. + +Once more we were under the command of the gendarme. We were ordered to +go into a big room crowded with people, and wait till the name of our +ship was called. Somebody in a little room called a great many queer +names, and many passengers answered the call. At last we heard, + +"Polynesia!" + +We passed in and a great many things were done to our tickets before we +were directed to go outside, then to a larger steamer than the one we +came in. At every step our tickets were either stamped or punched, or a +piece torn off of them, till we stepped upon the steamer's deck. Then we +were ordered below. It was dark there, and we didn't like it. In a +little while we were called up again, and then we saw before us the +great ship that was to carry us to America. + +I only remember, from that moment, that I had only one care till all +became quiet; not to lose hold of my sister's hand. Everything else can +be told in one word--noise. But when I look back, I can see what made +it. There were sailors dragging and hauling bundles and boxes from the +small boat into the great ship, shouting and thundering at their work. +There were officers giving out orders in loud voices, like trumpets, +though they seemed to make no effort. There were children crying, and +mothers hushing them, and fathers questioning the officers as to where +they should go. There were little boats and steamers passing all around, +shrieking and whistling terribly. And there seemed to be everything +under heaven that had any noise in it, come to help swell the confusion +of sounds. I know that, but how we ever got in that quiet place that had +the sign "For Families" over it, I don't know. I think we went around +and around, long and far, before we got there. + +But there we were, sitting quietly on a bench by the white berths. + +When the sailors brought our things, we got everything in order for the +journey as soon as possible, that we might go on deck to see the +starting. But first we had to obey a sailor, who told us to come and get +dishes. Each person received a plate, a spoon and a cup. I wondered how +we could get along if we had had no things of our own. + +For an hour or two more there were still many noises on deck, and many +preparations made. Then we went up, as most of the passengers did. + +What a change in the scene! Where there had been noise and confusion +before, peace and quiet were now. All the little boats and steamers had +disappeared, and the wharf was deserted. On deck the "Polynesia" +everything was in good order, and the officers walked about smoking +their cigars as if their work was done. Only a few sailors were at work +at the big ropes, but they didn't shout as before. The weather had +changed, too, for the twilight was unlike what the day had promised. The +sky was soft gray, with faint streaks of yellow on the horizon. The air +was still and pleasant, much warmer than it had been all the day; and +the water was as motionless and clear as a deep, cool well, and +everything was mirrored in it clearly. + +This entire change in the scene, the peace that encircled everything +around us, seemed to give all the same feeling that I know I had. I +fancied that nature created it especially for us, so that we would be +allowed, in this pause, to think of our situation. All seemed to do so; +all spoke in low voices, and seemed to be looking for something as they +gazed quietly into the smooth depths below, or the twilight skies above. +Were they seeking an assurance? Perhaps; for there was something strange +in the absence of a crowd of friends on the shore, to cheer and salute, +and fill the air with white clouds and last farewells. + +I found the assurance. The very stillness was a voice--nature's voice; +and it spoke to the ocean and said, + +"I entrust to you this vessel. Take care of it, for it bears my children +with it, from one strange shore to another more distant, where loving +friends are waiting to embrace them after long partings. Be gentle with +your charge." + +And the ocean, though seeming so still, replied, "I will obey my +mistress." + +I heard it all, and a feeling of safety and protection came to me. And +when at last the wheels overhead began to turn and clatter, and the +ripples on the water told us that the "Polynesia" had started on her +journey, which was not noticeable from any other sign, I felt only a +sense of happiness. I mistrusted nothing. + +But the old woman who remembered the matzo did, more than anybody else. +She made great preparations for being seasick, and poisoned the air with +garlic and onions. + +When the lantern fixed in the ceiling had been lighted, the captain and +the steward paid us a visit. They took up our tickets and noticed all +the passengers, then left. Then a sailor brought supper--bread and +coffee. Only a few ate it. Then all went to bed, though it was very +early. + +Nobody expected seasickness as soon as it seized us. All slept quietly +the whole night, not knowing any difference between being on land or at +sea. About five o'clock I woke up, and then I felt and heard the sea. A +very disagreeable smell came from it, and I knew it was disturbed by the +rocking of the ship. Oh, how wretched it made us! From side to side it +went rocking, rocking. Ugh! Many of the passengers are very sick indeed, +they suffer terribly. We are all awake now, and wonder if we, too, will +be so sick. Some children are crying, at intervals. There is nobody to +comfort them--all are so miserable. Oh, I am so sick! I'm dizzy; +everything is going round and round before my eyes--Oh-h-h! + +I can't even begin to tell of the suffering of the next few hours. Then +I thought I would feel better if I could go on deck. Somehow, I got down +(we had upper berths) and, supporting myself against the walls, I came +on deck. But it was worse. The green water, tossing up the white foam, +rocking all around, as far as I dared to look, was frightful to me then. +So I crawled back as well as I could, and nobody else tried to go out. + +By and by the doctor and the steward came. The doctor asked each +passenger if they were well, but only smiled when all begged for some +medicine to take away the dreadful suffering. To those who suffered from +anything besides seasickness he sent medicine and special food later +on. His companion appointed one of the men passengers for every twelve +or fifteen to carry the meals from the kitchen, giving them cards to get +it with. For our group a young German was appointed, who was making the +journey for the second time, with his mother and sister. We were great +friends with them during the journey. + +The doctor went away soon, leaving the sufferers in the same sad +condition. At twelve, a sailor announced that dinner was ready, and the +man brought it--large tin pails and basins of soup, meat, cabbage, +potatoes, and pudding (the last was allowed only once a week); and +almost all of it was thrown away, as only a few men ate. The rest +couldn't bear even the smell of food. It was the same with the supper at +six o'clock. At three milk had been brought for the babies, and brown +bread (a treat) with coffee for the rest. But after supper the daily +allowance of fresh water was brought, and this soon disappeared and more +called for, which was refused, although we lived on water alone for a +week. + +At last the day was gone, and much we had borne in it. Night came, but +brought little relief. Some did fall asleep, and forgot suffering for a +few hours. I was awake late. The ship was quieter, and everything sadder +than by daylight. I thought of all we had gone through till we had got +on board the "Polynesia"; of the parting from all friends and things we +loved, forever, as far as we knew; of the strange experience at various +strange places; of the kind friends who helped us, and the rough +officers who commanded us; of the quarantine, the hunger, then the happy +news, and the coming on board. Of all this I thought, and remembered +that we were far away from friends, and longed for them, that I might be +made well by speaking to them. And every minute was making the distance +between us greater, a meeting more impossible. Then I remembered why we +were crossing the ocean, and knew that it was worth the price. At last +the noise of the wheels overhead, and the dull roar of the sea, rocked +me to sleep. + +For a short time only. The ship was tossed about more than the day +before, and the great waves sounded like distant thunder as they beat +against it, and rolled across the deck and entered the cabin. We found, +however, that we were better, though very weak. We managed to go on deck +in the afternoon, when it was calm enough. A little band was playing, +and a few young sailors and German girls tried even to dance; but it was +impossible. + +As I sat in a corner where no waves could reach me, holding on to a +rope, I tried to take in the grand scene. There was the mighty ocean I +had heard of only, spreading out its rough breadth far, far around, its +waves giving out deep, angry tones, and throwing up walls of spray into +the air. There was the sky, like the sea, full of ridges of darkest +clouds, bending to meet the waves, and following their motions and +frowning and threatening. And there was the "Polynesia" in the midst of +this world of gloom, and anger, and distance. I saw these, but +indistinctly, not half comprehending the wonderful picture. For the +suffering had left me dull and tired out. I only knew that I was sad, +and everybody else was the same. + +Another day gone, and we congratulate one another that seasickness +lasted only one day with us. So we go to sleep. + +Oh, the sad mistake! For six days longer we remain in our berths, +miserable and unable to eat. It is a long fast, hardly interrupted, +during which we know that the weather is unchanged, the sky dark, the +sea stormy. + +On the eighth day out we are again able to be about. I went around +everywhere, exploring every corner, and learning much from the sailors; +but I never remembered the names of the various things I asked about, +they were so many, and some German names hard to learn. We all made +friends with the captain and other officers, and many of the passengers. +The little band played regularly on certain days, and the sailors and +girls had a good many dances, though often they were swept by a wave +across the deck, quite out of time. The children were allowed to play on +deck, but carefully watched. + +Still the weather continued the same, or changing slightly. But I was +able now to see all the grandeur of my surroundings, notwithstanding the +weather. + +Oh, what solemn thoughts I had! How deeply I felt the greatness, the +power of the scene! The immeasurable distance from horizon to horizon; +the huge billows forever changing their shapes--now only a wavy and +rolling plain, now a chain of great mountains, coming and going farther +away; then a town in the distance, perhaps, with spires and towers and +buildings of gigantic dimensions; and mostly a vast mass of uncertain +shapes, knocking against each other in fury, and seething and foaming in +their anger; the grey sky, with its mountains of gloomy clouds, flying, +moving with the waves, as it seemed, very near them; the absence of any +object besides the one ship; and the deep, solemn groans of the sea, +sounding as if all the voices of the world had been turned into sighs +and then gathered into that one mournful sound--so deeply did I feel the +presence of these things, that the feeling became one of awe, both +painful and sweet, and stirring and warming, and deep and calm and +grand. + +I thought of tempests and shipwreck, of lives lost, treasures destroyed, +and all the tales I had heard of the misfortunes at sea, and knew I had +never before had such a clear idea of them. I tried to realize that I +saw only a part of an immense whole, and then my feelings were terrible +in their force. I was afraid of thinking then, but could not stop it. My +mind would go on working, till I was overcome by the strength and power +that was greater than myself. What I did at such times I do not know. I +must have been dazed. + +After a while I could sit quietly and gaze far away. Then I would +imagine myself all alone on the ocean, and Robinson Crusoe was very real +to me. I was alone sometimes. I was aware of no human presence; I was +conscious only of sea and sky and something I did not understand. And as +I listened to its solemn voice, I felt as if I had found a friend, and +knew that I loved the ocean. It seemed as if it were within as well as +without, a part of myself; and I wondered how I had lived without it, +and if I could ever part with it. + +The ocean spoke to me in other besides mournful or angry tones. I loved +even the angry voice, but when it became soothing, I could hear a sweet, +gentle accent that reached my soul rather than my ear. Perhaps I +imagined it. I do not know. What was real and what imaginary blended in +one. But I heard and felt it, and at such moments I wished I could live +on the sea forever, and thought that the sight of land would be very +unwelcome to me. I did not want to be near any person. Alone with the +ocean forever--that was my wish. + +Leading a quiet life, the same every day, and thinking such thoughts, +feeling such emotions, the days were very long. I do not know how the +others passed the time, because I was so lost in my meditations. But +when the sky would smile for awhile--when a little sunlight broke a path +for itself through the heavy clouds, which disappeared as though +frightened; and when the sea looked more friendly, and changed its color +to match the heavens, which were higher up--then we would sit on deck +together, and laugh for mere happiness as we talked of the nearing +meeting, which the unusual fairness of the weather seemed to bring +nearer. Sometimes, at such minutes of sunshine and gladness, a few birds +would be seen making their swift journey to some point we did not know +of; sometimes among the light clouds, then almost touching the surface +of the waves. How shall I tell you what we felt at the sight? The birds +were like old friends to us, and brought back many memories, which +seemed very old, though really fresh. All felt sadder when the distance +became too great for us to see the dear little friends, though it was +not for a long time after their first appearance. We used to watch for +them, and often mistook the clouds for birds, and were thus +disappointed. When they did come, how envious we were of their wings! It +was a new thought to me that the birds had more power than man. + +In this way the days went by. I thought my thoughts each day, as I +watched the scene, hoping to see a beautiful sunset some day. I never +did, to my disappointment. And each night, as I lay in my berth, waiting +for sleep, I wished I might be able even to hope for the happiness of a +sea-voyage after this had been ended. + +Yet, when, on the twelfth day after leaving Hamburg, the captain +announced that we should see land before long, I rejoiced as much as +anybody else. We were so excited with expectation that nothing else was +heard but the talk of the happy arrival, now so near. Some were even +willing to stay up at night, to be the first ones to see the shores of +America. It was therefore a great disappointment when the captain said, +in the evening, that we would not reach Boston as soon as he expected, +on account of the weather. + +A dense fog set in at night, and grew heavier and heavier, until the +"Polynesia" was closely walled in by it, and we could just see from one +end of the deck to the other. The signal lanterns were put up, the +passengers were driven to their berths by the cold and damp, the cabin +doors closed, and discomfort reigned everywhere. + +But the excitement of the day had tired us out, and we were glad to +forget disappointment in sleep. In the morning it was still foggy, but +we could see a little way around. It was very strange to have the +boundless distance made so narrow, and I felt the strangeness of the +scene. All day long we shivered with cold, and hardly left the cabin. At +last it was night once more, and we in our berths. But nobody slept. + +The sea had been growing rougher during the day, and at night the ship +began to pitch as it did at the beginning of the journey. Then it grew +worse. Everything in our cabin was rolling on the floor, clattering and +dinning. Dishes were broken into little bits that flew about from one +end to the other. Bedding from upper berths nearly stifled the people in +the lower ones. Some fell out of their berths, but it was not at all +funny. As the ship turned to one side, the passengers were violently +thrown against that side of the berths, and some boards gave way and +clattered down to the floor. When it tossed on the other side, we could +see the little windows almost touch the water, and closed the shutters +to keep out the sight. The children cried, everybody groaned, and +sailors kept coming in to pick up the things on the floor and carry them +away. This made the confusion less, but not the alarm. + +Above all sounds rose the fog horn. It never stopped the long night +through. And oh, how sad it sounded! It pierced every heart, and made us +afraid. Now and then some ship, far away, would answer, like a weak +echo. Sometimes we noticed that the wheels were still, and we knew that +the ship had stopped. This frightened us more than ever, for we imagined +the worst reasons for it. + +It was day again, and a little calmer. We slept now, till the afternoon. +Then we saw that the fog had become much thinner, and later on we even +saw a ship, but indistinctly. + +Another night passed, and the day that followed was pretty fair, and +towards evening the sky was almost cloudless. The captain said we should +have no more rough weather, for now we were really near Boston. Oh, how +hard it was to wait for the happy day! Somebody brought the news that we +should land to-morrow in the afternoon. We didn't believe it, so he said +that the steward had ordered a great pudding full of raisins for supper +that day as a sure sign that it was the last on board. We remembered the +pudding, but didn't believe in its meaning. + +I don't think we slept that night. After all the suffering of our +journey, after seeing and hearing nothing but the sky and the sea and +its roaring, it was impossible to sleep when we thought that soon we +would see trees, fields, fresh people, animals--a world, and that world +America. Then, above everything, was the meeting with friends we had not +seen for years; for almost everybody had some friends awaiting them. + +Morning found all the passengers up and expectant. Someone questioned +the captain, and he said we would land to-morrow. There was another long +day, and another sleepless night, but when these ended at last, how busy +we were! First we packed up all the things we did not need, then put on +fresh clothing, and then went on deck to watch for land. It was almost +three o'clock, the hour the captain hoped to reach Boston, but there was +nothing new to be seen. The weather was fair, so we would have seen +anything within a number of miles. Anxiously we watched, and as we +talked of the strange delay, our courage began to give out with our +hope. When it could be borne no longer, a gentleman went to speak to the +captain. He was on the upper deck, examining the horizon. He put off the +arrival for the next day! + +You can imagine our feelings at this. When it was worse the captain came +down and talked so assuringly that, in spite of all the disappointments +we had had, we believed that this was the last, and were quite cheerful +when we went to bed. + +The morning was glorious. It was the eighth of May, the seventeenth day +after we left Hamburg. The sky was clear and blue, the sun shone +brightly, as if to congratulate us that we had safely crossed the stormy +sea; and to apologize for having kept away from us so long. The sea had +lost its fury; it was almost as quiet as it had been at Hamburg before +we started, and its color was a beautiful greenish blue. Birds were all +the time in the air, and it was worth while to live merely to hear their +songs. And soon, oh joyful sight! we saw the tops of two trees! + +What a shout there rose! Everyone pointed out the welcome sight to +everybody else, as if they did not see it. All eyes were fixed on it as +if they saw a miracle. And this was only the beginning of the joys of +the day! + +What confusion there was! Some were flying up the stairs to the upper +deck, some were tearing down to the lower one, others were running in +and out of the cabins, some were in all parts of the ship in one minute, +and all were talking and laughing and getting in somebody's way. Such +excitement, such joy! We had seen two trees! + +Then steamers and boats of all kinds passed by, in all directions. We +shouted, and the men stood up in the boats and returned the greeting, +waving their hats. We were as glad to see them as if they were old +friends of ours. + +Oh, what a beautiful scene! No corner of the earth is half so fair as +the lovely picture before us. It came to view suddenly,--a green field, +a real field with grass on it, and large houses, and the dearest hens +and little chickens in all the world, and trees, and birds, and people +at work. The young green things put new life into us, and are so dear +to our eyes that we dare not speak a word now, lest the magic should +vanish away and we should be left to the stormy scenes we know. + +But nothing disturbed the fairy sight. Instead, new scenes appeared, +beautiful as the first. The sky becomes bluer all the time, the sun +warmer; the sea is too quiet for its name, and the most beautiful blue +imaginable. + +What are the feelings these sights awaken! They can not be described. To +know how great was our happiness, how complete, how free from even the +shadow of a sadness, you must make a journey of sixteen days on a stormy +ocean. Is it possible that we will ever again be so happy? + +It was about three hours since we saw the first landmarks, when a number +of men came on board, from a little steamer, and examined the passengers +to see if they were properly vaccinated (we had been vaccinated on the +"Polynesia"), and pronounced everyone all right. Then they went away, +except one man who remained. An hour later we saw the wharves. + +Before the ship had fully stopped, the climax of our joy was reached. +One of us espied the figure and face we had longed to see for three long +years. In a moment five passengers on the "Polynesia" were crying, +"Papa," and gesticulating, and laughing, and hugging one another, and +going wild altogether. All the rest were roused by our excitement, and +came to see our father. He recognized us as soon as we him, and stood +apart on the wharf not knowing what to do, I thought. + +What followed was slow torture. Like mad things we ran about where there +was room, unable to stand still as long as we were on the ship and he on +shore. To have crossed the ocean only to come within a few yards of him, +unable to get nearer till all the fuss was over, was dreadful enough. +But to hear other passengers called who had no reason for hurry, while +we were left among the last, was unendurable. + +Oh, dear! Why can't we get off the hateful ship? Why can't papa come to +us? Why so many ceremonies at the landing? + +We said good-bye to our friends as their turn came, wishing we were in +their luck. To give us something else to think of, papa succeeded in +passing us some fruit; and we wondered to find it anything but a great +wonder, for we expected to find everything marvellous in the strange +country. + +Still the ceremonies went on. Each person was asked a hundred or so +stupid questions, and all their answers were written down by a very slow +man. The baggage had to be examined, the tickets, and a hundred other +things done before anyone was allowed to step ashore, all to keep us +back as long as possible. + +Now imagine yourself parting with all you love, believing it to be a +parting for life; breaking up your home, selling the things that years +have made dear to you; starting on a journey without the least +experience in travelling, in the face of many inconveniences on account +of the want of sufficient money; being met with disappointment where it +was not to be expected; with rough treatment everywhere, till you are +forced to go and make friends for yourself among strangers; being +obliged to sell some of your most necessary things to pay bills you did +not willingly incur; being mistrusted and searched, then half starved, +and lodged in common with a multitude of strangers; suffering the +miseries of seasickness, the disturbances and alarms of a stormy sea for +sixteen days; and then stand within, a few yards of him for whom you did +all this, unable to even speak to him easily. How do you feel? + +Oh, it's our turn at last! We are questioned, examined, and dismissed! A +rush over the planks on one side, over the ground on the other, six wild +beings cling to each other, bound by a common bond of tender joy, and +the long parting is at an END. + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of From Plotzk to Boston, by Mary Antin + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FROM PLOTZK TO BOSTON *** + +***** This file should be named 20638-8.txt or 20638-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/0/6/3/20638/ + +Produced by Arie Tuinman and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: From Plotzk to Boston + +Author: Mary Antin + +Commentator: Israel Zangwill + +Release Date: February 21, 2007 [EBook #20638] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FROM PLOTZK TO BOSTON *** + + + + +Produced by Arie Tuinman and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + + + + + +</pre> + + + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[Pg 1]</a></span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[Pg 2]</a></span></p> + +<p> </p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[Pg 3]</a></span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[Pg 4]</a></span></p> + + + + +<h1>From Plotzk to Boston</h1> +<h3>BY</h3> +<h2 class="smcap">Mary Antin</h2> + +<h3>WITH A FOREWORD BY</h3> +<h2 class="smcap">Israel Zangwill</h2> +<p class="center">BOSTON, MASS.<br /> +W. B. CLARKE & CO., PARK STREET CHURCH<br /> +1899</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[Pg 5]</a></span></p> + + + + +<p class="center">COPYRIGHT, 1899<br /> +BY MARY ANTIN</p> + +<p class="center">PRESS OF PHILIP COWEN<br /> +NEW YORK CITY</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[Pg 6]</a></span></p> +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><br /><br /></p> +<p class="center">DEDICATED TO<br/> +HATTIE L. HECHT<br/> +WITH THE LOVE AND GRATITUDE OF THE AUTHOR +</p> +<p><br /><br /></p> +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="FOREWORD" id="FOREWORD"></a>FOREWORD</h2> + + +<p>The "infant phenomenon" in literature is rarer than in +more physical branches of art, but its productions are not +likely to be of value outside the doting domestic circle. +Even Pope who "lisped in numbers for the numbers came," +did not add to our Anthology from his cradle, though he +may therein have acquired his monotonous rocking-metre. +Immaturity of mind and experience, so easily disguised on +the stage or the music-stool—even by adults—is more +obvious in the field of pure intellect. The contribution +with which Mary Antin makes her début in letters is, however, +saved from the emptiness of embryonic thinking by +being a record of a real experience, the greatest of her life; +her journey from Poland to Boston. Even so, and remarkable +as her description is for a girl of eleven—for it was at +this age that she first wrote the thing in Yiddish, though +she was thirteen when she translated it into English—it +would scarcely be worth publishing merely as a literary +curiosity. But it happens to possess an extraneous value. +For, despite the great wave of Russian immigration into +the United States, and despite the noble spirit in which the +Jews of America have grappled with the invasion, we still +know too little of the inner feelings of the people themselves,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[Pg 7]</a></span> +nor do we adequately realize what magic vision of free +America lures them on to face the great journey to the other +side of the world.</p> + +<p>Mary Antin's vivid description of all she and her dear +ones went through, enables us to see almost with our own +eyes how the invasion of America appears to the impecunious +invader. It is thus "a human document" of considerable +value, as well as a promissory note of future performance. +The quick senses of the child, her keen powers of +observation and introspection, her impressionability both to +sensations and complex emotions—these are the very things +out of which literature is made; the raw stuff of art. Her +capacity to handle English—after so short a residence in +America—shows that she possesses also the instrument of +expression. More fortunate than the poet of the Ghetto, +Morris Rosenfeld, she will have at her command the most +popular language in the world, and she has already produced +in it passages of true literature, especially in her +impressionistic rendering of the sea and the bustling phantasmagoria +of travel.</p> + +<p>What will be her development no one can say precisely, +and I would not presume either to predict or to direct it, for +"the wind bloweth where it listeth." It will probably take +lyrical shape. Like most modern Jewesses who have written, +she is, I fear, destined to spiritual suffering: fortunately her +work evidences a genial talent for enjoyment and a warm<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[Pg 8]</a></span> +humanity which may serve to counterbalance the curse of +reflectiveness. That she is growing, is evident from her own +Introduction, written only the other day, with its touches of +humor and more complex manipulation of groups of facts. +But I have ventured to counsel delay rather than precipitation +in production—for she is not yet sixteen—and the +completion of her education, physical no less than intellectual; +and it is to this purpose that such profits as may +accrue from this publication will be devoted. Let us hope +this premature recognition of her potentialities will not +injure their future flowering, and that her development will +add to those spiritual and intellectual forces of which big-hearted +American Judaism stands sorely in need. I should +explain in conclusion, that I have neither added nor subtracted, +even a comma, and that I have no credit in "discovering" +Mary Antin. I did but endorse the verdict of +that kind and charming Boston household in which I had +the pleasure of encountering the gifted Polish girl, and to +a member of which this little volume is appropriately dedicated.</p> + +<p class="author"> +<span class="smcap">I. Zangwill.</span><br /> +</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[Pg 9]</a></span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[Pg 10]</a></span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="PREFATORY" id="PREFATORY"></a>PREFATORY</h2> + + +<p>In the year 1891, a mighty wave of the emigration +movement swept over all parts of Russia, carrying with +it a vast number of the Jewish population to the distant +shores of the New World—from tyranny to democracy, +from darkness to light, from bondage and persecution to +freedom, justice and equality. But the great mass knew +nothing of these things; they were going to the foreign +world in hopes only of earning their bread and worshiping +their God in peace. The different currents that +directed the course of that wave cannot be here enumerated. +Suffice it to say that its power was enormous. All +over the land homes were broken up, families separated, +lives completely altered, for a common end.</p> + +<p>The emigration fever was at its height in Plotzk, +my native town, in the central western part of Russia, on +the Dvina River. "America" was in everybody's mouth. +Business men talked of it over their accounts; the market +women made up their quarrels that they might discuss it +from stall to stall; people who had relatives in the famous +land went around reading their letters for the enlightenment +of less fortunate folks; the one letter-carrier informed +the public how many letters arrived from America, +and who were the recipients; children played at emigrating; +old folks shook their sage heads over the evening +fire, and prophesied no good for those who braved<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[Pg 11]</a></span> +the terrors of the sea and the foreign goal beyond it;—all +talked of it, but scarcely anybody knew one true fact +about this magic land. For book-knowledge was not +for them; and a few persons—they were a dressmaker's +daughter, and a merchant with his two sons—who had +returned from America after a long visit, happened to be +endowed with extraordinary imagination, (a faculty +closely related to their knowledge of their old country-men's +ignorance), and their descriptions of life across the +ocean, given daily, for some months, to eager audiences, +surpassed anything in the Arabian Nights. One sad fact +threw a shadow over the splendor of the gold-paved, +Paradise-like fairyland. The travelers all agreed that +Jews lived there in the most shocking impiety.</p> + +<p>Driven by a necessity for bettering the family circumstances, +and by certain minor forces which cannot now +be named, my father began to think seriously of casting +his lot with the great stream of emigrants. Many family +councils were held before it was agreed that the plan +must be carried out. Then came the parting; for it was +impossible for the whole family to go at once. I remember +it, though I was only eight. It struck me as +rather interesting to stand on the platform before the +train, with a crowd of friends weeping in sympathy with +us, and father waving his hat for our special benefit, and +saying—the last words we heard him speak as the train +moved off—</p> + +<p>"Good-bye, Plotzk, forever!"</p> + +<p>Then followed three long years of hope and doubt<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[Pg 12]</a></span> +for father in America and us in Russia. There were toil +and suffering and waiting and anxiety for all. There +were—but to tell of all that happened in those years I +should have to write a separate history. The happy day +came when we received the long-coveted summons. +And what stirring times followed! The period of preparation +was one of constant delight to us children. We +were four—my two sisters, one brother and myself. Our +playmates looked up to us in respectful admiration; +neighbors, if they made no direct investigations, bribed +us with nice things for information as to what was going +into every box, package and basket. And the house was +dismantled—people came and carried off the furniture; +closets, sheds and other nooks were emptied of their +contents; the great wood-pile was taken away until only +a few logs remained; ancient treasures such as women +are so loath to part with, and which mother had carried +with her from a dear little house whence poverty had +driven us, were brought to light from their hiding places, +and sacrificed at the altar whose flames were consuming +so much that was fraught with precious association and +endeared by family tradition; the number of bundles and +boxes increased daily, and our home vanished hourly; +the rooms became quite uninhabitable at last, and we +children glanced in glee, to the anger of the echoes, when +we heard that in the evening we were to start upon our +journey.</p> + +<p>But we did not go till the next morning, and then as +secretly as possible. For, despite the glowing tales con<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[Pg 13]</a></span>cerning +America, people flocked to the departure of emigrants +much as they did to a funeral; to weep and lament +while (in the former case only, I believe) they envied. +As everybody in Plotzk knew us, and as the departure +of a whole family was very rousing, we dared not brave +the sympathetic presence of the whole township, that +we knew we might expect. So we gave out a false +alarm.</p> + +<p>Even then there was half the population of Plotzk on +hand the next morning. We were the heroes of the +hour. I remember how the women crowded around +mother, charging her to deliver messages to their relatives +in America; how they made the air ring with their +unintelligible chorus; how they showered down upon us +scores of suggestions and admonitions; how they made +us frantic with their sympathetic weeping and wringing +of hands; how, finally, the ringing of the signal bell set +them all talking faster and louder than ever, in desperate +efforts to give the last bits of advice, deliver the last messages, +and, to their credit let it be said, to give the final, +hearty, unfeigned good-bye kisses, hugs and good +wishes.</p> + +<p>Well, we lived through three years of waiting, and +also through a half hour of parting. Some of our relatives +came near being carried off, as, heedless of the last +bell, they lingered on in the car. But at last they, too, +had to go, and we, the wanderers, could scarcely see the +rainbow wave of colored handkerchiefs, as, dissolved in +tears, we were carried out of Plotzk, away from home,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[Pg 14]</a></span> +but nearer our longed-for haven of reunion; nearer, indeed, +to everything that makes life beautiful and gives +one an aim and an end—freedom, progress, knowledge, +light and truth, with their glorious host of followers. +But we did not know it then.</p> + +<p>The following pages contain the description of our +journey, as I wrote it four years ago, when it was all fresh +in my memory.</p> + +<p class="author"> +M. A.<br /> +</p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[Pg 15]</a></span></p> +<p> </p> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[Pg 16]</a></span></p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="FROM_PLOTZK_TO_BOSTON" id="FROM_PLOTZK_TO_BOSTON"></a>FROM PLOTZK TO BOSTON.</h2> + + +<p>The short journey from Plotzk to Vilna was uneventful. +Station after station was passed without our taking +any interest in anything, for that never-to-be-forgotten +leave taking at the Plotzk railway station left us all in +such a state of apathy to all things except our own +thoughts as could not easily be thrown off. Indeed, had +we not been obliged to change trains at Devinsk and, +being the inexperienced travellers we were, do a great +deal of bustling and hurrying and questioning of porters +and mere idlers, I do not know how long we would have +remained in that same thoughtful, silent state.</p> + +<p>Towards evening we reached Vilna, and such a welcome +as we got! Up to then I had never seen such a +mob of porters and isvostchiky. I do not clearly remember +just what occurred, but a most vivid recollection of +being very uneasy for a time is still retained in my memory. +You see my uncle was to have met us at the station, +but urgent business kept him elsewhere.</p> + +<p>Now it was universally believed in Plotzk that it was +wise not to trust the first isvostchik who offered his services +when one arrived in Vilna a stranger, and I do not<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[Pg 17]</a></span> +know to this day how mother managed to get away from +the mob and how, above all, she dared to trust herself +with her precious baggage to one of them. But I have +thought better of Vilna Isvostchiky since, for we were +safely landed after a pretty long drive in front of my uncle's +store, with never one of our number lost, never +a bundle stolen or any mishap whatever.</p> + +<p>Our stay in Vilna was marked by nothing of interest. +We stayed only long enough for some necessary papers +to reach us, and during that time I discovered that Vilna +was very much like Plotzk, though larger, cleaner and +noisier. There were the same coarse, hoarse-voiced +women in the market, the same kind of storekeepers in +the low store doors, forever struggling and quarrelling +for a customer. The only really interesting things I remember +were the horsecars, which I had never even +heard of, and in one of which I had a lovely ride for five +copeiky, and a large book store on the Nemetzka yah +Ulitza. The latter object may not seem of any interest to +most people, but I had never seen so many books in one +place before, and I could not help regarding them with +longing and wonder.</p> + +<p>At last all was in readiness for our start. This was +really the beginning of our long journey, which I shall +endeavor to describe.</p> + +<p>I will not give any description of the various places we<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[Pg 18]</a></span> +passed, for we stopped at few places and always under +circumstances which did not permit of sightseeing. I +shall only speak of such things as made a distinct impression +upon my mind, which, it must be remembered, +was not mature enough to be impressed by what older +minds were, while on the contrary it was in just the state +to take in many things which others heeded not.</p> + +<p>I do not know the exact date, but I do know that it +was at the break of day on a Sunday and very early in +April when we left Vilna. We had not slept any the +night before. Fannie and I spent the long hours in playing +various quiet games and watching the clock. At last +the long expected hour arrived; our train would be due +in a short time. All but Fannie and myself had by this +time fallen into a drowse, half sitting, half lying on some +of the many baskets and boxes that stood all about the +room all ready to be taken to the station. So we set to +work to rouse the rest, and with the aid of an alarm +clock's loud ringing, we soon had them at least half +awake; and while the others sat rubbing their eyes and +trying to look wide awake, Uncle Borris had gone out, +and when he returned with several droskies to convey us +to the station, we were all ready for the start.</p> + +<p>We went out into the street, and now I perceived that +not we alone were sleepy; everything slept, and nature +also slept, deeply, sweetly.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[Pg 19]</a></span></p> + +<p>The sky was covered with dark gray clouds (perhaps +that was its night-cap), from which a chill, drizzling rain +was slowly descending, and the thick morning fog shut +out the road from our sight. No sound came from any +direction; slumber and quiet reigned everywhere, for +every thing and person slept, forgetful for a time of joys, +sorrows, hopes, fears,—everything.</p> + +<p>Sleepily we said our last good-byes to the family, took +our seats in the droskies, and soon the Hospitalnayah +Ulitza was lost to sight. As the vehicles rattled along +the deserted streets, the noise of the horses' hoofs and the +wheels striking against the paving stones sounded unusually +loud in the general hush, and caused the echoes to +answer again and again from the silent streets and alleys.</p> + +<p>In a short time we were at the station. In our impatience +we had come too early, and now the waiting was +very tiresome. Everybody knows how lively and noisy +it is at a railroad station when a train is expected. But +now there were but a few persons present, and in everybody's +face I could see the reflection of my own dissatisfaction, +because, like myself, they had much rather have +been in a comfortable, warm bed than up and about in the +rain and fog. Everything was so uncomfortable.</p> + +<p>Suddenly we heard a long shrill whistle, to which the +surrounding dreariness gave a strangely mournful +sound, the clattering train rushed into the depot and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[Pg 20]</a></span> +stood still. Several passengers (they were very few) left +the cars and hastened towards where the droskies stood, +and after rousing the sleepy isvostchiky, were whirled +away to their several destinations.</p> + +<p>When we had secured our tickets and seen to the baggage +we entered a car in the women's division and waited +impatiently for the train to start. At last the first signal +was given, then the second and third; the locomotive +shrieked and puffed, the train moved slowly, then swiftly +it left the depot far behind it.</p> + +<p>From Vilna to our next stopping place, Verzbolovo, +there was a long, tedious ride of about eight hours. As +the day continued to be dull and foggy, very little could +be seen through the windows. Besides, no one seemed +to care or to be interested in anything. Sleepy and tired +as we all were, we got little rest, except the younger ones, +for we had not yet got used to living in the cars and could +not make ourselves very comfortable. For the greater +part of the time we remained as unsocial as the weather +was unpleasant. The car was very still, there being few +passengers, among them a very pleasant kind gentleman +travelling with his pretty daughter. Mother found them +very pleasant to chat with, and we children found it less +tiresome to listen to them.</p> + +<p>At half past twelve o'clock the train came to a stop before +a large depot, and the conductor announced "Verz<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[Pg 21]</a></span>bolovo, +fifteen minutes!" The sight that now presented +itself was very cheering after our long, unpleasant ride. +The weather had changed very much. The sun was +shining brightly and not a trace of fog or cloud was to +be seen. Crowds of well-dressed people were everywhere—walking +up and down the platform, passing +through the many gates leading to the street, sitting +around the long, well-loaded tables, eating, drinking, +talking or reading newspapers, waited upon by the liveliest, +busiest waiters I had ever seen—and there was such +an activity and bustle about everything that I wished I +could join in it, it seemed so hard to sit still. But I had +to content myself with looking on with the others, while +the friendly gentleman whose acquaintance my mother +had made (I do not recollect his name) assisted her in obtaining +our tickets for Eidtkunen, and attending to everything +else that needed attention, and there were many +things.</p> + +<p>Soon the fifteen minutes were up, our kind fellow-passenger +and his daughter bade us farewell and a pleasant +journey (we were just on the brink of the beginning of +our troubles), the train puffed out of the depot and we all +felt we were nearing a very important stage in our journey. +At this time, cholera was raging in Russia, and +was spread by emigrants going to America in the countries +through which they travelled. To stop this danger,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[Pg 22]</a></span> +measures were taken to make emigration from Russia +more difficult than ever. I believe that at all times the +crossing of the boundary between Russia and Germany +was a source of trouble to Russians, but with a special +passport this was easily overcome. When, however, the +traveller could not afford to supply himself with one, the +boundary was crossed by stealth, and many amusing +anecdotes are told of persons who crossed in some disguise, +often that of a mujik who said he was going to the +town on the German side to sell some goods, carried for +the purpose of ensuring the success of the ruse. When +several such tricks had been played on the guards it became +very risky, and often, when caught, a traveller resorted +to stratagem, which is very diverting when afterwards +described, but not so at a time when much depends +on its success. Some times a paltry bribe secured +one a safe passage, and often emigrants were aided by +men who made it their profession to help them cross, often +suffering themselves to be paid such sums for the +service that it paid best to be provided with a special passport.</p> + +<p>As I said, the difficulties were greater at the time we +were travelling, and our friends believed we had better +not attempt a stealthy crossing, and we procured the +necessary document to facilitate it. We therefore expected +little trouble, but some we thought there might be,<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[Pg 23]</a></span> +for we had heard some vague rumors to the effect that +a special passport was not as powerful an agent as it used +to be.</p> + +<p>We now prepared to enjoy a little lunch, and before we +had time to clear it away the train stopped, and we saw +several men in blue uniforms, gilt buttons and brass helmets, +if you may call them so, on their heads. At his +side each wore a kind of leather case attached to a wide +bronze belt. In these cases they carried something like +a revolver, and each had, besides, a little book with black +oilcloth covers.</p> + +<p>I can give you no idea of the impression these men +(they were German gendarmes) made on us, by saying +they frightened us. Perhaps because their (to us) impressive +appearance gave them a stern look; perhaps because +they really looked something more than grave, we +were so frightened. I only know that we were. I can +see the reason now clearly enough. Like all persons +who were used to the tyranny of a Russian policeman, +who practically ruled the ward or town under his friendly +protection, and never hesitated to assert his rights as +holder of unlimited authority over his little domain, in +that mild, amiable manner so well known to such of his +subjects as he particularly favored with his vigilant regard—like +all such persons, I say, we did not, could not, +expect to receive any kind treatment at the hands of a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[Pg 24]</a></span> +number of officers, especially as we were in the very act +of attempting to part with our much-beloved mother +country, of which act, to judge by the pains it took to +make it difficult, the government did not approve. It +was a natural fear in us, as you can easily see. Pretty +soon mother recovered herself, and remembering that +the train stops for a few minutes only, was beginning to +put away the scattered articles hastily when a gendarme +entered our car and said we were not to leave it. Mamma +asked him why, but he said nothing and left the car, +another gendarme entering as he did so. He demanded +where we were going, and, hearing the answer, went out. +Before we had had time to look about at each other's +frightened faces, another man, a doctor, as we soon knew, +came in followed by a third gendarme.</p> + +<p>The doctor asked many questions about our health, +and of what nationality we were. Then he asked about +various things, as where we were going to, if we had +tickets, how much money we had, where we came from, +to whom we were going, etc., etc., making a note of every +answer he received. This done, he shook his head with +his shining helmet on it, and said slowly (I imagined he +enjoyed frightening us), "With these third class tickets +you cannot go to America now, because it is forbidden to +admit emigrants into Germany who have not at least second +class tickets. You will have to return to Russia<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[Pg 25]</a></span> +unless you pay at the office here to have your tickets +changed for second class ones." After a few minutes' +calculation and reference to the notes he had made, he +added calmly, "I find you will need two hundred rubles +to get your tickets exchanged;" and, as the finishing +stroke to his pleasing communication, added, "Your passports +are of no use at all now because the necessary part +has to be torn out, whether you are allowed to pass or +not." A plain, short speech he made of it, that cruel man. +Yet every word sounded in our ears with an awful sound +that stopped the beating of our hearts for a while—sounded +like the ringing of funeral bells to us, and yet +without the mournfully sweet music those bells make, +that they might heal while they hurt.</p> + +<p>We were homeless, houseless, and friendless in a +strange place. We had hardly money enough to last us +through the voyage for which we had hoped and waited +for three long years. We had suffered much that the +reunion we longed for might come about; we had prepared +ourselves to suffer more in order to bring it about, +and had parted with those we loved, with places that were +dear to us in spite of what we passed through in them, +never again to see them, as we were convinced—all for +the same dear end. With strong hopes and high spirits +that hid the sad parting, we had started on our long journey. +And now we were checked so unexpectedly but<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[Pg 26]</a></span> +surely, the blow coming from where we little expected +it, being, as we believed, safe in that quarter. And that +is why the simple words had such a frightful meaning to +us. We had received a wound we knew not how to heal.</p> + +<p>When mother had recovered enough to speak she began +to argue with the gendarme, telling him our story +and begging him to be kind. The children were frightened +by what they understood, and all but cried. I +was only wondering what would happen, and wishing I +could pour out my grief in tears, as the others did; but +when I feel deeply I seldom show it in that way, and always +wish I could.</p> + +<p>Mother's supplications, and perhaps the children's indirect +ones, had more effect than I supposed they would. +The officer was moved, even if he had just said that tears +would not be accepted instead of money, and gave us +such kind advice that I began to be sorry I had thought +him cruel, for it was easy to see that he was only doing +his duty and had no part in our trouble that he could be +blamed for, now that I had more kindly thoughts of him.</p> + +<p>He said that we would now be taken to Keebart, a few +versts' distance from Verzbolovo, where one Herr Schidorsky +lived. This man, he said, was well known for +miles around, and we were to tell him our story and ask +him to help us, which he probably would, being very +kind.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[Pg 27]</a></span></p> + +<p>A ray of hope shone on each of the frightened faces +listening so attentively to this bearer of both evil and happy +tidings. I, for one, was very confident that the good +man would help us through our difficulties, for I was +most unwilling to believe that we really couldn't continue +our journey. Which of us was? I'd like to +know.</p> + +<p>We are in Keebart, at the depot. The least important +particular even of that place, I noticed and remembered. +How the porter—he was an ugly, grinning man—carried +in our things and put them away in the southern corner of +the big room, on the floor; how we sat down on a settee +near them, a yellow settee; how the glass roof let in so +much light that we had to shade our eyes because the car +had been dark and we had been crying; how there were +only a few people besides ourselves there, and how I began +to count them and stopped when I noticed a sign over the +head of the fifth person—a little woman with a red nose +and a pimple on it, that seemed to be staring at me as +much as the grayish-blue eyes above them, it was so large +and round—and tried to read the German, with the aid +of the Russian translation below. I noticed all this and +remembered it, as if there was nothing else in the world +for me to think of—no America, no gendarme to destroy +one's passports and speak of two hundred rubles as if he +were a millionaire, no possibility of being sent back to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[Pg 28]</a></span> +one's old home whether one felt at all grateful for the +kindness or not—nothing but that most attractive of +places, full of interesting sights.</p> + +<p>For, though I had been so hopeful a little while ago, I +felt quite discouraged when a man, very sour and +grumbling—and he was a Jew—a "Son of Mercy" as a +certain song said—refused to tell mamma where Schidorsky +lived. I then believed that the whole world must +have united against us; and decided to show my defiant +indifference by leaving the world to be as unkind as it +pleased, while I took no interest in such trifles.</p> + +<p>So I let my mind lose itself in a queer sort of mist—a +something I cannot describe except by saying it must +have been made up of lazy inactivity. Through this mist +I saw and heard indistinctly much that followed.</p> + +<p>When I think of it now, I see how selfish it was to allow +myself to sink, body and mind, in such a sea of helpless +laziness, when I might have done something besides +awaiting the end of that critical time, whatever it might +be—something, though what, I do not see even now, I +own. But I only studied the many notices till I thought +myself very well acquainted with the German tongue; +and now and then tried to cheer the other children, who +were still inclined to cry, by pointing out to them some +of the things that interested me. For this faulty conduct +I have no excuse to give, unless youth and the fact that I<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[Pg 29]</a></span> +was stunned with the shock we had just received, will be +accepted.</p> + +<p>I remember through that mist that mother found +Schidorsky's home at last, but was told she could not see +him till a little later; that she came back to comfort us, +and found there our former fellow passenger who had +come with us from Vilna, and that he was very indignant +at the way in which we were treated, and scolded, and declared +he would have the matter in all the papers, and +said we must be helped. I remember how mamma saw +Schidorsky at last, spoke to him, and then told us, word +for word, what his answer had been; that he wouldn't +wait to be asked to use all his influence, and wouldn't lose +a moment about it, and he didn't, for he went out at once +on that errand, while his good daughter did her best to +comfort mamma with kind words and tea. I remember +that there was much going to the good man's house; +much hurrying of special messengers to and from Eidtkunen; +trembling inquiries, uncertain replies made hopeful +only by the pitying, encouraging words and manners +of the deliverer—for all, even the servants, were kind as +good angels at that place. I remember that another little +family—there were three—were discovered by us in +the same happy state as ourselves, and like the dogs in +the fable, who, receiving care at the hands of a kind man, +sent their friends to him for help, we sent them to our +helper.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[Pg 30]</a></span></p> + +<p>I remember seeing night come out of that mist, and +bringing more trains and people and noise than the whole +day (we still remained at the depot), till I felt sick and +dizzy. I remember wondering what kind of a night it +was, but not knowing how to find out, as if I had no +senses. I remember that somebody said we were obliged +to remain in Keebart that night and that we set out to +find lodgings; that the most important things I saw on +the way were the two largest dolls I had ever seen, carried +by two pretty little girls, and a big, handsome father; +and a great deal of gravel in the streets, and boards +for the crossings. I remember that we found a little +room (we had to go up four steps first) that we could +have for seventy-five copecks, with our tea paid for in +that sum. I remember, through that mist, how I wondered +what I was sleeping on that night, as I wondered +about the weather; that we really woke up in the +morning (I was so glad to rest I had believed we should +never be disturbed again) and washed, and dressed and +breakfasted and went to the depot again, to be always on +hand. I remember that mamma and the father of the little +family went at once to the only good man on earth (I +thought so) and that the party of three were soon gone, +by the help of some agent that was slower, for good reasons, +in helping us.</p> + +<p>I remember that mamma came to us soon after and<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[Pg 31]</a></span> +said that Herr Schidorsky had told her to ask the Postmeister—some +high official there—for a pass to Eidtkunen; +and there she should speak herself to our protector's +older brother who could help us by means of his great +power among the officers of high rank; that she returned +in a few hours and told us the two brothers were equal +in kindness, for the older one, too, said he would not wait +to be asked to do his best for us. I remember that another +day—so-o-o long—passed behind the mist, and we +were still in that dreadful, noisy, tiresome depot, with no +change, till we went to spend the night at Herr Schidorsky's, +because they wouldn't let us go anywhere else. On +the way there, I remember, I saw something marvellous—queer +little wooden sticks stuck on the lines where +clothes hung for some purpose. (I didn't think it was +for drying, because you know I always saw things hung +up on fences and gates for such purposes. The queer +things turned out to be clothes-pins). And, I remember, +I noticed many other things of equal importance to our +affairs, till we came to the little house in the garden. +Here we were received, I remember with much kindness +and hospitality. We had a fire made for us, food and +drink brought in, and a servant was always inquiring +whether anything more could be done for our comfort.</p> + +<p>I remember, still through that misty veil, what a pleasant +evening we passed, talking over what had so far hap<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[Pg 32]</a></span>pened, +and wondering what would come. I must have +talked like one lost in a thick fog, groping carefully. But, +had I been shut up, mentally, in a tower nothing else +could pierce, the sense of gratitude that naturally sprung +from the kindness that surrounded us, must have, would +have found a passage for itself to the deepest cavities of +the heart. Yes, though all my senses were dulled by +what had passed over us so lately, I was yet aware of the +deepest sense of thankfulness one can ever feel. I was +aware of something like the sweet presence of angels in +the persons of good Schidorsky and his family. Oh, that +some knowledge of that gratitude might reach those for +whom we felt it so keenly! We all felt it. But the deepest +emotions are so hard to express. I thought of this +as I lay awake a little while, and said to myself, thinking +of our benefactor, that he was a Jew, a true "Son of +Mercy." And I slept with that thought. And this is +the last I remember seeing and feeling behind that mist +of lazy inactivity.</p> + +<p>The next morning, I woke not only from the night's +sleep, but from my waking dreaminess. All the vapors +dispersed as I went into the pretty flower garden where +the others were already at play, and by the time we had +finished a good breakfast, served by a dear servant girl, +I felt quite myself again.</p> + +<p>Of course, mamma hastened to Herr Schidorsky as<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[Pg 33]</a></span> +soon as she could, and he sent her to the Postmeister +again, to ask him to return the part of our passports that +had been torn out, and without which we could not go on. +He said he would return them as soon as he received +word from Eidtkunen. So we could only wait and hope. +At last it came and so suddenly that we ran off to the depot +with hardly a hat on all our heads, or a coat on our +backs, with two men running behind with our things, +making it a very ridiculous sight. We have often laughed +over it since.</p> + +<p>Of course, in such a confusion we could not say even +one word of farewell or thanks to our deliverers. But, +turning to see that we were all there, I saw them standing +in the gate, crying that all was well now, and wishing us +many pleasant things, and looking as if they had been +receiving all the blessings instead of us.</p> + +<p>I have often thought they must have purposely arranged +it that we should have to leave in a hurry, because +they wouldn't stand any expression of gratefulness.</p> + +<p>Well, we just reached our car in time to see our baggage +brought from the office and ourselves inside, when +the last bell rang. Then, before we could get breath +enough to utter more than faint gasps of delight, we were +again in Eidtkunen.</p> + +<p>The gendarmes came to question us again, but when +mother said that we were going to Herr Schidorsky of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[Pg 34]</a></span> +Eidtkunen, as she had been told to say, we were allowed +to leave the train. I really thought we were to be the +visitors of the elder Schidorsky, but it turned out to be +only an understanding between him and the officers that +those claiming to be on their way to him were not to be +troubled.</p> + +<p>At any rate, we had now really crossed the forbidden +boundary—we were in Germany.</p> + +<p>There was a terrible confusion in the baggage-room +where we were directed to go. Boxes, baskets, bags, +valises, and great, shapeless things belonging to no particular +class were thrown about by porters and other men, +who sorted them and put tickets on all but those containing +provisions, while others were opened and examined +in haste. At last our turn came, and our things, along +with those of all other American-bound travellers, were +taken away to be steamed and smoked and other such +processes gone through. We were told to wait till notice +should be given us of something else to be done. Our +train would not depart till nine in the evening.</p> + +<p>As usual, I noticed all the little particulars of the waiting +room. What else could I do with so much time and +not even a book to read? I could describe it exactly—the +large, square room, painted walls, long tables with +fruits and drinks of all kinds covering them, the white +chairs, carved settees, beautiful china and cut glass show<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[Pg 35]</a></span>ing +through the glass doors of the dressers, and the nickel +samovar, which attracted my attention because I had +never seen any but copper or brass ones. The best and +the worst of everything there was a large case full of +books. It was the best, because they were "books" and +all could use them; the worst, because they were all German, +and my studies in the railway depot of Keebart had +not taught me so much that I should be able to read +books in German. It was very hard to see people get +those books and enjoy them while I couldn't. It was +impossible to be content with other people's pleasure, +and I wasn't.</p> + +<p>When I had almost finished counting the books, I noticed +that mamma and the others had made friends with +a family of travellers like ourselves. Frau Gittleman and +her five children made very interesting companions for +the rest of the day, and they seemed to think that Frau +Antin and the four younger Antins were just as interesting; +perhaps excepting, in their minds, one of them who +must have appeared rather uninteresting from a habit she +had of looking about as if always expecting to make discoveries.</p> + +<p>But she was interested, if not interesting, enough when +the oldest of the young Gittlemans, who was a young +gentleman of seventeen, produced some books which she +could read. Then all had a merry time together, read<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[Pg 36]</a></span>ing, +talking, telling the various adventures of the journey, +and walking, as far as we were allowed, up and down the +long platform outside, till we were called to go and see, if +we wanted to see, how our things were being made fit for +further travel. It was interesting to see how they managed +to have anything left to return to us, after all the +processes of airing and smoking and steaming and other +assaults on supposed germs of the dreaded cholera had +been done with, the pillows, even, being ripped open to +be steamed! All this was interesting, but we were rather +disagreeably surprised when a bill for these unasked-for +services had to be paid.</p> + +<p>The Gittlemans, we found, were to keep us company +for some time. At the expected hour we all tried to find +room in a car indicated by the conductor. We tried, but +could only find enough space on the floor for our baggage, +on which we made believe sitting comfortably. For +now we were obliged to exchange the comparative comforts +of a third class passenger train for the certain discomforts +of a fourth class one. There were only four +narrow benches in the whole car, and about twice as +many people were already seated on these as they were +probably supposed to accommodate. All other space, +to the last inch, was crowded by passengers or their luggage. +It was very hot and close and altogether uncomfortable, +and still at every new station fresh passengers<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[Pg 37]</a></span> +came crowding in, and actually made room, spare as it +was, for themselves. It became so terrible that all glared +madly at the conductor as he allowed more people to +come into that prison, and trembled at the announcement +of every station. I cannot see even now how the officers +could allow such a thing; it was really dangerous. The +most remarkable thing was the good-nature of the poor +passengers. Few showed a sour face even; not a man +used any strong language (audibly, at least). They +smiled at each other as if they meant to say, "I am having +a good time; so are you, aren't you?" Young Gittleman +was very gallant, and so cheerful that he attracted everybody's +attention. He told stories, laughed, and made us +unwilling to be outdone. During one of his narratives +he produced a pretty memorandum book that pleased one +of us very much, and that pleasing gentleman at once +presented it to her. She has kept it since in memory of +the giver, and, in the right place, I could tell more about +that matter—very interesting.</p> + +<p>I have given so much space to the description of that +one night's adventures because I remember it so distinctly, +with all its discomforts, and the contrast of our fellow-travellers' +kindly dispositions. At length that dreadful +night passed, and at dawn about half the passengers left, +all at once. There was such a sigh of relief and a stretching +of cramped limbs as can only be imagined, as the re<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[Pg 38]</a></span>maining +passengers inhaled the fresh cold air of dewy +dawn. It was almost worth the previous suffering to experience +the pleasure of relief that followed.</p> + +<p>All day long we travelled in the same train, sleeping, +resting, eating, and wishing to get out. But the train +stopped for a very short time at the many stations, and all +the difference that made to us was that pretty girls passed +through the cars with little bark baskets filled with +fruit and flowers hardly fresher or prettier than their +bearers, who generally sold something to our young +companion, for he never wearied of entertaining us.</p> + +<p>Other interests there were none. The scenery was +nothing unusual, only towns, depots, roads, fields, little +country houses with barns and cattle and poultry—all +such as we were well acquainted with. If something new +did appear, it was passed before one could get a good +look at it. The most pleasing sights were little barefoot +children waving their aprons or hats as we eagerly +watched for them, because that reminded us of our doing +the same thing when we saw the passenger trains, in +the country. We used to wonder whether we should +ever do so again.</p> + +<p>Towards evening we came into Berlin. I grow dizzy +even now when I think of our whirling through that +city. It seemed we were going faster and faster all the +time, but it was only the whirl of trains passing in oppo<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[Pg 39]</a></span>site +directions and close to us that made it seem so. The +sight of crowds of people such as we had never seen before, +hurrying to and fro, in and out of great depots that +danced past us, helped to make it more so. Strange +sights, splendid buildings, shops, people and animals, all +mingled in one great, confused mass of a disposition to +continually move in a great hurry, wildly, with no other +aim but to make one's head go round and round, in following +its dreadful motions. Round and round went my +head. It was nothing but trains, depots, crowds—crowds, +depots, trains, again and again, with no beginning, +no end, only a mad dance! Faster and faster we +go, faster still, and the noise increases with the speed. +Bells, whistles, hammers, locomotives shrieking madly, +men's voices, peddlers' cries, horses' hoofs, dogs' barking—all +united in doing their best to drown every other +sound but their own, and made such a deafening uproar +in the attempt that nothing could keep it out. Whirl, +noise, dance, uproar—will it last forever? I'm so—o +diz-z-zy! How my head aches!</p> + +<p>And oh! those people will be run over! Stop the train, +they'll—thank goodness, nobody is hurt. But who ever +heard of a train passing right through the middle of a +city, up in the air, it seems. Oh, dear! it's no use thinking, +my head spins so. Right through the business +streets! Why, who ever—!<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[Pg 40]</a></span></p> + +<p>I must have lived through a century of this terrible +motion and din and unheard of roads for trains, and confused +thinking. But at length everything began to take +a more familiar appearance again, the noise grew less, the +roads more secluded, and by degrees we recognized the +dear, peaceful country. Now we could think of Berlin, +or rather, what we had seen of it, more calmly, and wonder +why it made such an impression. I see now. We +had never seen so large a city before, and were not prepared +to see such sights, bursting upon us so suddenly +as that. It was like allowing a blind man to see the full +glare of the sun all at once. Our little Plotzk, and +even the larger cities we had passed through, compared +to Berlin about the same as total darkness does to great +brilliancy of light.</p> + +<p>In a great lonely field opposite a solitary wooden house +within a large yard, our train pulled up at last, and a conductor +commanded the passengers to make haste and get +out. He need not have told us to hurry; we were glad +enough to be free again after such a long imprisonment +in the uncomfortable car. All rushed to the door. We +breathed more freely in the open field, but the conductor +did not wait for us to enjoy our freedom. He hurried us +into the one large room which made up the house, and +then into the yard. Here a great many men and women, +dressed in white, received us, the women attending to the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[Pg 41]</a></span> +women and girls of the passengers, and the men to the +others.</p> + +<p>This was another scene of bewildering confusion, parents +losing their children, and little ones crying; baggage +being thrown together in one corner of the yard, +heedless of contents, which suffered in consequence; +those white-clad Germans shouting commands always accompanied +with "Quick! Quick!"; the confused passengers +obeying all orders like meek children, only questioning +now and then what was going to be done with them.</p> + +<p>And no wonder if in some minds stories arose of people +being captured by robbers, murderers, and the like. +Here we had been taken to a lonely place where only that +house was to be seen; our things were taken away, our +friends separated from us; a man came to inspect us, as if +to ascertain our full value; strange looking people driving +us about like dumb animals, helpless and unresisting; +children we could not see, crying in a way that suggested +terrible things; ourselves driven into a little room where +a great kettle was boiling on a little stove; our clothes +taken off, our bodies rubbed with a slippery substance +that might be any bad thing; a shower of warm water let +down on us without warning; again driven to another +little room where we sit, wrapped in woollen blankets till +large, coarse bags are brought in, their contents turned +out and we see only a cloud of steam, and hear the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[Pg 42]</a></span> +women's orders to dress ourselves, quick, quick, or else +we'll miss—something we cannot hear. We are forced +to pick out our clothes from among all the others, with +the steam blinding us; we choke, cough, entreat the +women to give us time; they persist, "Quick, quick, or +you'll miss the train!" Oh, so we really won't be murdered! +They are only making us ready for the continuing +of our journey, cleaning us of all suspicions of dangerous +germs. Thank God!</p> + +<p>Assured by the word "train" we manage to dress ourselves +after a fashion, and the man comes again to inspect +us. All is right, and we are allowed to go into the yard +to find our friends and our luggage. Both are difficult +tasks, the second even harder. Imagine all the things of +some hundreds of people making a journey like ours, being +mostly unpacked and mixed together in one sad heap. +It was disheartening, but done at last was the task of collecting +our belongings, and we were marched into the +big room again. Here, on the bare floor, in a ring, sat +some Polish men and women singing some hymn in their +own tongue, and making more noise than music. We +were obliged to stand and await further orders, the few +seats being occupied, and the great door barred and locked. +We were in a prison, and again felt some doubts. +Then a man came in and called the passengers' names, +and when they answered they were made to pay two<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[Pg 43]</a></span> +marcs each for the pleasant bath we had just been forced +to take.</p> + +<p>Another half hour, and our train arrived. The door +was opened, and we rushed out into the field, glad to get +back even to the fourth class car.</p> + +<p>We had lost sight of the Gittlemans, who were going a +different way now, and to our regret hadn't even said +good-bye, or thanked them for their kindness.</p> + +<p>After the preceding night of wakefulness and discomfort, +the weary day in the train, the dizzy whirl through +Berlin, the fright we had from the rough proceedings of +the Germans, and all the strange experiences of the place +we just escaped—after all this we needed rest. But to +get it was impossible for all but the youngest children. If +we had borne great discomforts on the night before, we +were suffering now. I had thought anything worse impossible. +Worse it was now. The car was even more +crowded, and people gasped for breath. People sat in +strangers' laps, only glad of that. The floor was so +thickly lined that the conductor could not pass, and the +tickets were passed to him from hand to hand. To-night +all were more worn out, and that did not mend their dispositions. +They could not help falling asleep and colliding +with someone's nodding head, which called out angry +mutterings and growls. Some fell off their seats and +caused a great commotion by rolling over on the sleepers<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[Pg 44]</a></span> +on the floor, and, in spite of my own sleepiness and weariness, +I had many quiet laughs by myself as I watched the +funny actions of the poor travellers.</p> + +<p>Not until very late did I fall asleep. I, with the rest, +missed the pleasant company of our friends, the Gittlemans, +and thought about them as I sat perched on a box, +with an old man's knees for the back of my seat, another +man's head continually striking my right shoulder, a +dozen or so arms being tossed restlessly right in front of +my face, and as many legs holding me a fast prisoner, +so that I could only try to keep my seat against all the assaults +of the sleepers who tried in vain to make their positions +more comfortable. It was all so comical, in spite +of all the inconveniences, that I tried hard not to laugh +out loud, till I too fell asleep. I was awakened very early +in the morning by something chilling and uncomfortable +on my face, like raindrops coming down irregularly. I +found it was a neighbor of mine eating cheese, who was +dropping bits on my face. So I began the day with a +laugh at the man's funny apologies, but could not find +much more fun in the world on account of the cold and +the pain of every limb. It was very miserable, till some +breakfast cheered me up a little.</p> + +<p>About eight o'clock we reached Hamburg. Again +there was a gendarme to ask questions, look over the +tickets and give directions. But all the time he kept a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[Pg 45]</a></span> +distance from those passengers who came from Russia, +all for fear of the cholera. We had noticed before how +people were afraid to come near us, but since that memorable +bath in Berlin, and all the steaming and smoking +of our things, it seemed unnecessary.</p> + +<p>We were marched up to the strangest sort of vehicle +one could think of. It was a something I don't know +any name for, though a little like an express wagon. At +that time I had never seen such a high, narrow, long +thing, so high that the women and girls couldn't climb +up without the men's help, and great difficulty; so narrow +that two persons could not sit comfortably side by +side, and so long that it took me some time to move my +eyes from the rear end, where the baggage was, to the +front, where the driver sat.</p> + +<p>When all had settled down at last (there were a number +besides ourselves) the two horses started off very fast, in +spite of their heavy load. Through noisy, strange looking +streets they took us, where many people walked or ran or +rode. Many splendid houses, stone and brick, and +showy shops, they passed. Much that was very strange +to us we saw, and little we knew anything about. There +a little cart loaded with bottles or tin cans, drawn by a +goat or a dog, sometimes two, attracted our attention. +Sometimes it was only a nurse carrying a child in her +arms that seemed interesting, from the strange dress. Of<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[Pg 46]</a></span>ten +it was some article displayed in a shop window or +door, or the usually smiling owner standing in the doorway, +that called for our notice. Not that there was anything +really unusual in many of these things, but a certain +air of foreignness, which sometimes was very vague, surrounded +everything that passed before our interested +gaze as the horses hastened on.</p> + +<p>The strangest sight of all we saw as we came into the +still noisier streets. Something like a horse-car such as +we had seen in Vilna for the first time, except that it was +open on both sides (in most cases) but without any +horses, came flying—really flying—past us. For we +stared and looked it all over, and above, and under, and +rubbed our eyes, and asked of one another what we saw, +and nobody could find what it was that made the thing +go. And go it did, one after another, faster than we, +with nothing to move it. "Why, what <i>is</i> that?" we +kept exclaiming. "Really, do you see anything that +makes it go? I'm sure I don't." Then I ventured the +highly probable suggestion, "Perhaps it's the fat man in +the gray coat and hat with silver buttons. I guess he +pushes it. I've noticed one in front on every one of them, +holding on to that shining thing." And I'm sure this +was as wise a solution of the mystery as anyone could +give, except the driver, who laughed to himself and his +horses over our surprise and wonder at nothing he could +see to cause it.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[Pg 47]</a></span></p> + +<p>But we couldn't understand his explanation, though +we always got along very easily with the Germans, and +not until much later did we know that those wonderful +things, with only a fat man to move them, were electric +cars.</p> + +<p>The sightseeing was not all on our side. I noticed +many people stopping to look at us as if amused, though +most passed by as though used to such sights. We did +make a queer appearance all in a long row, up above people's +heads. In fact, we looked like a flock of giant fowls +roosting, only wide awake.</p> + +<p>Suddenly, when everything interesting seemed at an +end, we all recollected how long it was since we had started +on our funny ride. Hours, we thought, and still the +horses ran. Now we rode through quieter streets where +there were fewer shops and more wooden houses. Still the +horses seemed to have but just started. I looked over +our perch again. Something made me think of a description +I had read of criminals being carried on long +journeys in uncomfortable things—like this? Well, it +was strange—this long, long drive, the conveyance, no +word of explanation, and all, though going different ways, +being packed off together. We were strangers; the +driver knew it. He might take us anywhere—how could +we tell? I was frightened again as in Berlin. The faces +around me confessed the same.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[Pg 48]</a></span></p> + +<p>The streets became quieter still; no shops, only little +houses; hardly any people passing. Now we cross many +railway tracks and I can hear the sea not very distant. +There are many trees now by the roadside, and the wind +whistles through their branches. The wheels and hoofs +make a great noise on the stones, the roar of the sea and +the wind among the branches have an unfriendly sound.</p> + +<p>The horses never weary. Still they run. There are +no houses now in view, save now and then a solitary one, +far away. I can see the ocean. Oh, it is stormy. The dark +waves roll inward, the white foam flies high in the air; +deep sounds come from it. The wheels and hoofs make a +great noise; the wind is stronger, and says, "Do you hear +the sea?" And the ocean's roar threatens. The sea +threatens, and the wind bids me hear it, and the hoofs and +the wheels repeat the command, and so do the trees, by +gestures.</p> + +<p>Yes, we are frightened. We are very still. Some Polish +women over there have fallen asleep, and the rest of us +look such a picture of woe, and yet so funny, it is a sight +to see and remember.</p> + +<p>At last, at last! Those unwearied horses have stopped. +Where? In front of a brick building, the only one on a +large, broad street, where only the trees, and, in the distance, +the passing trains can be seen. Nothing else. The +ocean, too, is shut out.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[Pg 49]</a></span></p> + +<p>All were helped off, the baggage put on the sidewalk, +and then taken up again and carried into the building, +where the passengers were ordered to go. On the left +side of the little corridor was a small office where a man +sat before a desk covered with papers. These he pushed +aside when we entered, and called us in one by one, except, +of course children. As usual, many questions were +asked, the new ones being about our tickets. Then each +person, children included, had to pay three marcs—one +for the wagon that brought us over and two for food and +lodgings, till our various ships should take us away.</p> + +<p>Mamma, having five to pay for, owed fifteen marcs. +The little sum we started with was to last us to the end of +the journey, and would have done so if there hadn't been +those unexpected bills to pay at Keebart, Eidtkunen, Berlin, +and now at the office. Seeing how often services were +forced upon us unasked and payment afterwards demanded, +mother had begun to fear that we should need +more money, and had sold some things to a woman for +less than a third of their value. In spite of that, so heavy +was the drain on the spare purse where it had not been +expected, she found to her dismay that she had only +twelve marcs left to meet the new bill.</p> + +<p>The man in the office wouldn't believe it, and we were +given over in charge of a woman in a dark gray dress and +long white apron, with a red cross on her right arm. She<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[Pg 50]</a></span> +led us away and thoroughly searched us all, as well as our +baggage. That was nice treatment, like what we had +been receiving since our first uninterrupted entrance into +Germany. Always a call for money, always suspicion of +our presence and always rough orders and scowls of disapproval, +even at the quickest obedience. And now this +outrageous indignity! We had to bear it all because we +were going to America from a land cursed by the dreadful +epidemic. Others besides ourselves shared these +trials, the last one included, if that were any comfort, +which it was not.</p> + +<p>When the woman reported the result of the search as +being fruitless, the man was satisfied, and we were ordered +with the rest through many more examinations and +ceremonies before we should be established under the +quarantine, for that it was.</p> + +<p>While waiting for our turn to be examined by the doctor +I looked about, thinking it worth while to get acquainted +with a place where we might be obliged to stay +for I knew not how long. The room where we were sitting +was large, with windows so high up that we couldn't +see anything through them. In the middle stood several +long wooden tables, and around these were settees of the +same kind. On the right, opposite the doctor's office, +was a little room where various things could be bought +of a young man—if you hadn't paid all your money for +other things.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[Pg 51]</a></span></p> + +<p>When the doctor was through with us he told us to go +to Number Five. Now wasn't that like in a prison? We +walked up and down a long yard looking, among a row +of low, numbered doors, for ours, when we heard an exclamation +of, "Oh, Esther! how do you happen to be +here?" and, on seeing the speaker, found it to be an old +friend of ours from Plotzk. She had gone long before +us, but her ship hadn't arrived yet. She was surprised +to see us because we had had no intention of going when +she went.</p> + +<p>What a comfort it was to find a friend among all the +strangers! She showed us at once to our new quarters, +and while she talked to mamma I had time to see what +they were like.</p> + +<p>It looked something like a hospital, only less clean and +comfortable; more like the soldiers' barracks I had seen. +I saw a very large room, around whose walls were ranged +rows of high iron double bedsteads, with coarse sacks +stuffed with something like matting, and not over-clean +blankets for the only bedding, except where people used +their own. There were three windows almost touching the +roof, with nails covering all the framework. From the +ceiling hung two round gas lamps, and almost under +them stood a little wooden table and a settee. The floor +was of stone.</p> + +<p>Here was a pleasant prospect. We had no idea how +long this unattractive place might be our home.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[Pg 52]</a></span></p> + +<p>Our friend explained that Number Five was only for +Jewish women and girls, and the beds were sleeping +rooms, dining rooms, parlors, and everything else, kitchens +excepted. It seemed so, for some were lounging on +the beds, some sitting up, some otherwise engaged, and +all were talking and laughing and making a great noise. +Poor things! there was nothing else to do in that prison.</p> + +<p>Before mother had told our friend of our adventures, +a girl, also a passenger, who had been walking in the yard, +ran in and announced, "It's time to go to dinner! He +has come already." "He" we soon learned, was the overseer +of the Jewish special kitchen, without whom the +meals were never taken.</p> + +<p>All the inmates of Number Five rushed out in less than +a minute, and I wondered why they hurried so. When +we reached the place that served as dining room, there +was hardly any room for us. Now, while the dinner is +being served, I will tell you what I can see.</p> + +<p>In the middle of the yard stood a number of long tables +covered with white oilcloth. On either side of each table +stood benches on which all the Jewish passengers were +now seated, looking impatiently at the door with the sign +"Jewish Kitchen" over it. Pretty soon a man appeared +in the doorway, tall, spare, with a thin, pointed beard, and +an air of importance on his face. It was "he", the overseer, +who carried a large tin pail filled with black bread<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[Pg 53]</a></span> +cut into pieces of half a pound each. He gave a piece to +every person, the youngest child and the biggest man +alike, and then went into the kitchen and filled his pail +with soup and meat, giving everybody a great bowl full +of soup and a small piece of meat. All attacked their +rations as soon as they received them and greatly relished +the coarse bread and dark, hot water they called soup. +We couldn't eat those things and only wondered how +any one could have such an appetite for such a dinner. +We stopped wondering when our own little store of provisions +gave out.</p> + +<p>After dinner, the people went apart, some going back +to their beds and others to walk in the yard or sit on the +settees there. There was no other place to go to. The +doors of the prison were never unlocked except when new +passengers arrived or others left for their ships. The +fences—they really were solid walls—had wires and nails +on top, so that one couldn't even climb to get a look at +the sea.</p> + +<p>We went back to our quarters to talk over matters and +rest from our journey. At six o'clock the doctor came +with a clerk, and, standing before the door, bade all those +in the yard belonging to Number Five assemble there; +and then the roll was called and everybody received a little +ticket as she answered to her name. With this all +went to the kitchen and received two little rolls and a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[Pg 54]</a></span> +large cup of partly sweetened tea. This was supper; and +breakfast, served too in this way was the same. Any +wonder that people hurried to dinner and enjoyed it? +And it was always the same thing, no change.</p> + +<p>Little by little we became used to the new life, though +it was hard to go hungry day after day, and bear the discomforts +of the common room, shared by so many; the +hard beds (we had little bedding of our own), and the confinement +to the narrow limits of the yard, and the tiresome +sameness of the life. Meal hours, of course, played +the most important part, while the others had to be filled +up as best we could. The weather was fine most of the +time and that helped much. Everything was an event, +the arrival of fresh passengers a great one which happened +every day; the day when the women were allowed +to wash clothes by the well was a holiday, and the few +favorite girls who were allowed to help in the kitchen +were envied. On dull, rainy days, the man coming to +light the lamps at night was an object of pleasure, and +every one made the best of everybody else. So when a +young man arrived who had been to America once before, +he was looked up to by every person there as a superior, +his stories of our future home listened to with delight, +and his manners imitated by all, as a sort of fit preparation. +He was wanted everywhere, and he made the +best of his greatness by taking liberties and putting on<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[Pg 55]</a></span> +great airs and, I afterwards found, imposing on our ignorance +very much. But anything "The American" +did passed for good, except his going away a few days too +soon.</p> + +<p>Then a girl came who was rather wanting a little +brightness. So all joined in imposing upon her by telling +her a certain young man was a great professor whom +all owed respect and homage to, and she would do anything +in the world to express hers, while he used her to +his best advantage, like the willing slave she was. Nobody +seemed to think this unkind at all, and it really was +excusable that the poor prisoners, hungry for some entertainment, +should try to make a little fun when the chance +came. Besides, the girl had opened the temptation by +asking, "Who was the handsome man in the glasses? A +professor surely;" showing that she took glasses for a +sure sign of a professor, and professor for the highest possible +title of honor. Doesn't this excuse us?</p> + +<p>The greatest event was the arrival of some ship to take +some of the waiting passengers. When the gates were +opened and the lucky ones said good bye, those left behind +felt hopeless of ever seeing the gates open for them. +It was both pleasant and painful, for the strangers grew +to be fast friends in a day and really rejoiced in each other's +fortune, but the regretful envy could not be helped +either.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[Pg 56]</a></span></p> + +<p>Amid such events as these a day was like a month at +least. Eight of these we had spent in quarantine when a +great commotion was noticed among the people of Number +Five and those of the corresponding number in the +men's division. There was a good reason for it. You remember +that it was April and Passover was coming on; +in fact, it began that night. The great question was, +Would we be able to keep it exactly according to the host +of rules to be obeyed? You who know all about the great +holiday can understand what the answer to that question +meant to us. Think of all the work and care and money +it takes to supply a family with all the things proper and +necessary, and you will see that to supply a few hundred +was no small matter. Now, were they going to take care +that all was perfectly right, and could we trust them if +they promised, or should we be forced to break any of the +laws that ruled the holiday?</p> + +<p>All day long there was talking and questioning and debating +and threatening that "we would rather starve than +touch anything we were not sure of." And we meant it. +So some men and women went to the overseer to let him +know what he had to look out for. He assured them that +he would rather starve along with us than allow anything +to be in the least wrong. Still, there was more discussing +and shaking of heads, for they were not sure yet.</p> + +<p>There was not a crumb anywhere to be found, because<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[Pg 57]</a></span> +what bread we received was too precious for any of it to +be wasted; but the women made a great show of cleaning +up Number Five, while they sighed and looked sad and +told one another of the good hard times they had at home +getting ready for Passover. Really, hard as it is, when +one is used to it from childhood, it seems part of the holiday, +and can't be left out. To sit down and wait for supper +as on other nights seemed like breaking one of the +laws. So they tried hard to be busy.</p> + +<p>At night we were called by the overseer (who tried to +look more important than ever in his holiday clothes—not +his best, though) to the feast spread in one of the unoccupied +rooms. We were ready for it, and anxious +enough. We had had neither bread nor matzo for dinner, +and were more hungry than ever, if that is possible. +We now found everything really prepared; there were the +pillows covered with a snow-white spread, new oilcloth +on the newly scrubbed tables, some little candles stuck in +a basin of sand on the window-sill for the women, and—a +sure sign of a holiday—both gas lamps burning. Only +one was used on other nights.</p> + +<p>Happy to see these things, and smell the supper, we +took our places and waited. Soon the cook came in and +filled some glasses with wine from two bottles,—one yellow, +one red. Then she gave to each person—exactly one +and a half matzos; also some cold meat, burned almost to +a coal for the occasion.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[Pg 58]</a></span></p> + +<p>The young man—bless him—who had the honor to +perform the ceremonies, was, fortunately for us all, one of +the passengers. He felt for and with us, and it happened—just +a coincidence—that the greater part of the ceremony +escaped from his book as he turned the leaves. +Though strictly religious, nobody felt in the least guilty +about it, especially on account of the wine; for, when we +came to the place where you have to drink the wine, we +found it tasted like good vinegar, which made us all +choke and gasp, and one little girl screamed "Poison!" +so that all laughed, and the leader, who tried to go on, +broke down too at the sight of the wry faces he saw; +while the overseer looked shocked, the cook nearly set +her gown on fire by overthrowing the candles with her +apron (used to hide her face) and all wished our Master +Overseer had to drink that "wine" all his days.</p> + +<p>Think of the same ceremony as it is at home, then of +this one just described. Do they even resemble each +other?</p> + +<p>Well, the leader got through amid much giggling and +sly looks among the girls who understood the trick, and +frowns of the older people (who secretly blessed him for +it). Then, half hungry, all went to bed and dreamed of +food in plenty.</p> + +<p>No other dreams? Rather! For the day that brought +the Passover brought us—our own family—the most glo<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[Pg 59]</a></span>rious +news. We had been ordered to bring our baggage +to the office!</p> + +<p>"Ordered to bring our baggage to the office!" That +meant nothing less than that we were "going the next +day!"</p> + +<p>It was just after supper that we received the welcome +order. Oh, who cared if there wasn't enough to eat? +Who cared for anything in the whole world? We didn't. +It was all joy and gladness and happy anticipation for us. +We laughed, and cried, and hugged one another, and +shouted, and acted altogether like wild things. Yes, we +were wild with joy, and long after the rest were asleep, we +were whispering together and wondering how we could +keep quiet the whole night. We couldn't sleep by any +means, we were so afraid of oversleeping the great hour; +and every little while, after we tried to sleep, one of us +would suddenly think she saw day at the window, and +wake the rest, who also had only been pretending to sleep +while watching in the dark for daylight.</p> + +<p>When it came, it found no watchful eye, after all. The +excitement gave way to fatigue, and drowsiness first, then +deep sleep, completed its victory. It was eight o'clock +when we awoke. The morning was cloudy and chilly, +the sun being too lazy to attend to business; now and +then it rained a little, too. And yet it was the most beautiful +day that had ever dawned on Hamburg.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[Pg 60]</a></span></p> + +<p>We enjoyed everything offered for breakfast, two matzos +and two cups of tea apiece—why it was a banquet. +After it came the good-byes, as we were going soon. As +I told you before, the strangers became fast friends in a +short time under the circumstances, so there was real sorrow +at the partings, though the joy of the fortunate ones +was, in a measure, shared by all.</p> + +<p>About one o'clock (we didn't go to dinner—we +couldn't eat for excitement) we were called. There were +three other families, an old woman, and a young man, +among the Jewish passengers, who were going with us, +besides some Polish people. We were all hurried +through the door we had watched with longing for so +long, and were a little way from it when the old woman +stopped short and called on the rest to wait.</p> + +<p>"We haven't any matzo!" she cried in alarm. "Where's +the overseer?"</p> + +<p>Sure enough we had forgotten it, when we might as +well have left one of us behind. We refused to go, calling +for the overseer, who had promised to supply us, and +the man who had us in charge grew angry and said he +wouldn't wait. It was a terrible situation for us.</p> + +<p>"Oh," said the man, "you can go and get your matzo, +but the boat won't wait for you." And he walked off, followed +by the Polish people only.</p> + +<p>We had to decide at once. We looked at the old wo<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[Pg 61]</a></span>man. +She said she wasn't going to start on a dangerous +journey with such a sin on her soul. Then the children +decided. They understood the matter. They cried and +begged to follow the party. And we did.</p> + +<p>Just when we reached the shore, the cook came up +panting hard. She brought us matzo. How relieved we +were then!</p> + +<p>We got on a little steamer (the name is too big for it) +that was managed by our conductor alone. Before we +had recovered from the shock of the shrill whistle so near +us, we were landing in front of a large stone building.</p> + +<p>Once more we were under the command of the gendarme. +We were ordered to go into a big room crowded +with people, and wait till the name of our ship was called. +Somebody in a little room called a great many queer +names, and many passengers answered the call. At last +we heard,</p> + +<p>"Polynesia!"</p> + +<p>We passed in and a great many things were done to our +tickets before we were directed to go outside, then to a +larger steamer than the one we came in. At every step +our tickets were either stamped or punched, or a piece +torn off of them, till we stepped upon the steamer's deck. +Then we were ordered below. It was dark there, and we +didn't like it. In a little while we were called up again, +and then we saw before us the great ship that was to carry +us to America.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[Pg 62]</a></span></p> + +<p>I only remember, from that moment, that I had only +one care till all became quiet; not to lose hold of my sister's +hand. Everything else can be told in one word—noise. +But when I look back, I can see what made it. +There were sailors dragging and hauling bundles and +boxes from the small boat into the great ship, shouting +and thundering at their work. There were officers giving +out orders in loud voices, like trumpets, though they +seemed to make no effort. There were children crying, +and mothers hushing them, and fathers questioning the +officers as to where they should go. There were little boats +and steamers passing all around, shrieking and whistling +terribly. And there seemed to be everything under +heaven that had any noise in it, come to help swell the +confusion of sounds. I know that, but how we ever got +in that quiet place that had the sign "For Families" over +it, I don't know. I think we went around and around, +long and far, before we got there.</p> + +<p>But there we were, sitting quietly on a bench by the +white berths.</p> + +<p>When the sailors brought our things, we got everything +in order for the journey as soon as possible, that we +might go on deck to see the starting. But first we had to +obey a sailor, who told us to come and get dishes. Each +person received a plate, a spoon and a cup. I wondered +how we could get along if we had had no things of our +own.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[Pg 63]</a></span></p> + +<p>For an hour or two more there were still many noises +on deck, and many preparations made. Then we went +up, as most of the passengers did.</p> + +<p>What a change in the scene! Where there had been +noise and confusion before, peace and quiet were now. +All the little boats and steamers had disappeared, and the +wharf was deserted. On deck the "Polynesia" everything +was in good order, and the officers walked about smoking +their cigars as if their work was done. Only a few sailors +were at work at the big ropes, but they didn't shout as +before. The weather had changed, too, for the twilight +was unlike what the day had promised. The sky was +soft gray, with faint streaks of yellow on the horizon. +The air was still and pleasant, much warmer than it had +been all the day; and the water was as motionless and +clear as a deep, cool well, and everything was mirrored +in it clearly.</p> + +<p>This entire change in the scene, the peace that encircled +everything around us, seemed to give all the same +feeling that I know I had. I fancied that nature created +it especially for us, so that we would be allowed, in this +pause, to think of our situation. All seemed to do so; all +spoke in low voices, and seemed to be looking for something +as they gazed quietly into the smooth depths below, +or the twilight skies above. Were they seeking an assurance? +Perhaps; for there was something strange in the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[Pg 64]</a></span> +absence of a crowd of friends on the shore, to cheer and +salute, and fill the air with white clouds and last farewells.</p> + +<p>I found the assurance. The very stillness was a voice—nature's +voice; and it spoke to the ocean and said,</p> + +<p>"I entrust to you this vessel. Take care of it, for it +bears my children with it, from one strange shore to another +more distant, where loving friends are waiting to +embrace them after long partings. Be gentle with your +charge."</p> + +<p>And the ocean, though seeming so still, replied, +"I will obey my mistress."</p> + +<p>I heard it all, and a feeling of safety and protection +came to me. And when at last the wheels overhead began +to turn and clatter, and the ripples on the water told +us that the "Polynesia" had started on her journey, which +was not noticeable from any other sign, I felt only a sense +of happiness. I mistrusted nothing.</p> + +<p>But the old woman who remembered the matzo did, +more than anybody else. She made great preparations +for being seasick, and poisoned the air with garlic and +onions.</p> + +<p>When the lantern fixed in the ceiling had been lighted, +the captain and the steward paid us a visit. They took +up our tickets and noticed all the passengers, then left. +Then a sailor brought supper—bread and coffee. Only +a few ate it. Then all went to bed, though it was very +early.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[Pg 65]</a></span></p> + +<p>Nobody expected seasickness as soon as it seized us. +All slept quietly the whole night, not knowing any difference +between being on land or at sea. About five o'clock +I woke up, and then I felt and heard the sea. A very disagreeable +smell came from it, and I knew it was disturbed +by the rocking of the ship. Oh, how wretched it made +us! From side to side it went rocking, rocking. Ugh! +Many of the passengers are very sick indeed, they suffer +terribly. We are all awake now, and wonder if we, too, +will be so sick. Some children are crying, at intervals. +There is nobody to comfort them—all are so miserable. +Oh, I am so sick! I'm dizzy; everything is going round +and round before my eyes—Oh-h-h!</p> + +<p>I can't even begin to tell of the suffering of the next +few hours. Then I thought I would feel better if I could +go on deck. Somehow, I got down (we had upper berths) +and, supporting myself against the walls, I came on deck. +But it was worse. The green water, tossing up the white +foam, rocking all around, as far as I dared to look, was +frightful to me then. So I crawled back as well as I could, +and nobody else tried to go out.</p> + +<p>By and by the doctor and the steward came. The doctor +asked each passenger if they were well, but only +smiled when all begged for some medicine to take away +the dreadful suffering. To those who suffered from anything +besides seasickness he sent medicine and special<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[Pg 66]</a></span> +food later on. His companion appointed one of the men +passengers for every twelve or fifteen to carry the meals +from the kitchen, giving them cards to get it with. For +our group a young German was appointed, who was +making the journey for the second time, with his mother +and sister. We were great friends with them during the +journey.</p> + +<p>The doctor went away soon, leaving the sufferers in the +same sad condition. At twelve, a sailor announced that +dinner was ready, and the man brought it—large tin pails +and basins of soup, meat, cabbage, potatoes, and pudding +(the last was allowed only once a week); and almost all of +it was thrown away, as only a few men ate. The rest +couldn't bear even the smell of food. It was the same with +the supper at six o'clock. At three milk had been brought +for the babies, and brown bread (a treat) with coffee for +the rest. But after supper the daily allowance of fresh +water was brought, and this soon disappeared and more +called for, which was refused, although we lived on water +alone for a week.</p> + +<p>At last the day was gone, and much we had borne in it. +Night came, but brought little relief. Some did fall +asleep, and forgot suffering for a few hours. I was awake +late. The ship was quieter, and everything sadder than +by daylight. I thought of all we had gone through till +we had got on board the "Polynesia"; of the parting from<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[Pg 67]</a></span> +all friends and things we loved, forever, as far as we knew; +of the strange experience at various strange places; of the +kind friends who helped us, and the rough officers who +commanded us; of the quarantine, the hunger, then the +happy news, and the coming on board. Of all this I +thought, and remembered that we were far away from +friends, and longed for them, that I might be made well +by speaking to them. And every minute was making the +distance between us greater, a meeting more impossible. +Then I remembered why we were crossing the ocean, and +knew that it was worth the price. At last the noise of the +wheels overhead, and the dull roar of the sea, rocked me +to sleep.</p> + +<p>For a short time only. The ship was tossed about more +than the day before, and the great waves sounded like distant +thunder as they beat against it, and rolled across the +deck and entered the cabin. We found, however, that +we were better, though very weak. We managed to go +on deck in the afternoon, when it was calm enough. A +little band was playing, and a few young sailors and German +girls tried even to dance; but it was impossible.</p> + +<p>As I sat in a corner where no waves could reach me, +holding on to a rope, I tried to take in the grand scene. +There was the mighty ocean I had heard of only, spreading +out its rough breadth far, far around, its waves giving +out deep, angry tones, and throwing up walls of spray<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[Pg 68]</a></span> +into the air. There was the sky, like the sea, full of +ridges of darkest clouds, bending to meet the waves, and +following their motions and frowning and threatening. +And there was the "Polynesia" in the midst of this world +of gloom, and anger, and distance. I saw these, but indistinctly, +not half comprehending the wonderful picture. +For the suffering had left me dull and tired out. I only +knew that I was sad, and everybody else was the same.</p> + +<p>Another day gone, and we congratulate one another +that seasickness lasted only one day with us. So we go +to sleep.</p> + +<p>Oh, the sad mistake! For six days longer we remain +in our berths, miserable and unable to eat. It is a long +fast, hardly interrupted, during which we know that the +weather is unchanged, the sky dark, the sea stormy.</p> + +<p>On the eighth day out we are again able to be about. I +went around everywhere, exploring every corner, and +learning much from the sailors; but I never remembered +the names of the various things I asked about, they were +so many, and some German names hard to learn. We all +made friends with the captain and other officers, and +many of the passengers. The little band played regularly +on certain days, and the sailors and girls had a good +many dances, though often they were swept by a wave +across the deck, quite out of time. The children were +allowed to play on deck, but carefully watched.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[Pg 69]</a></span></p> + +<p>Still the weather continued the same, or changing +slightly. But I was able now to see all the grandeur of +my surroundings, notwithstanding the weather.</p> + +<p>Oh, what solemn thoughts I had! How deeply I felt +the greatness, the power of the scene! The immeasurable +distance from horizon to horizon; the huge billows +forever changing their shapes—now only a wavy and +rolling plain, now a chain of great mountains, coming +and going farther away; then a town in the distance, perhaps, +with spires and towers and buildings of gigantic +dimensions; and mostly a vast mass of uncertain shapes, +knocking against each other in fury, and seething and +foaming in their anger; the grey sky, with its mountains +of gloomy clouds, flying, moving with the waves, as it +seemed, very near them; the absence of any object besides +the one ship; and the deep, solemn groans of the +sea, sounding as if all the voices of the world had been +turned into sighs and then gathered into that one mournful +sound—so deeply did I feel the presence of these +things, that the feeling became one of awe, both painful +and sweet, and stirring and warming, and deep and calm +and grand.</p> + +<p>I thought of tempests and shipwreck, of lives lost, +treasures destroyed, and all the tales I had heard of the +misfortunes at sea, and knew I had never before had such +a clear idea of them. I tried to realize that I saw only a<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[Pg 70]</a></span> +part of an immense whole, and then my feelings were terrible +in their force. I was afraid of thinking then, but +could not stop it. My mind would go on working, till I +was overcome by the strength and power that was greater +than myself. What I did at such times I do not know. +I must have been dazed.</p> + +<p>After a while I could sit quietly and gaze far away. +Then I would imagine myself all alone on the ocean, and +Robinson Crusoe was very real to me. I was alone +sometimes. I was aware of no human presence; I was +conscious only of sea and sky and something I did not +understand. And as I listened to its solemn voice, I felt +as if I had found a friend, and knew that I loved the +ocean. It seemed as if it were within as well as without, +a part of myself; and I wondered how I had lived without +it, and if I could ever part with it.</p> + +<p>The ocean spoke to me in other besides mournful or +angry tones. I loved even the angry voice, but when it +became soothing, I could hear a sweet, gentle accent that +reached my soul rather than my ear. Perhaps I imagined +it. I do not know. What was real and what imaginary +blended in one. But I heard and felt it, and at such +moments I wished I could live on the sea forever, and +thought that the sight of land would be very unwelcome +to me. I did not want to be near any person. Alone +with the ocean forever—that was my wish.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[Pg 71]</a></span></p> + +<p>Leading a quiet life, the same every day, and thinking +such thoughts, feeling such emotions, the days were very +long. I do not know how the others passed the time, because +I was so lost in my meditations. But when the sky +would smile for awhile—when a little sunlight broke a +path for itself through the heavy clouds, which disappeared +as though frightened; and when the sea looked more +friendly, and changed its color to match the heavens, +which were higher up—then we would sit on deck together, +and laugh for mere happiness as we talked of the +nearing meeting, which the unusual fairness of the weather +seemed to bring nearer. Sometimes, at such minutes +of sunshine and gladness, a few birds would be seen +making their swift journey to some point we did not +know of; sometimes among the light clouds, then almost +touching the surface of the waves. How shall I tell you +what we felt at the sight? The birds were like old +friends to us, and brought back many memories, which +seemed very old, though really fresh. All felt sadder +when the distance became too great for us to see the dear +little friends, though it was not for a long time after their +first appearance. We used to watch for them, and often +mistook the clouds for birds, and were thus disappointed. +When they did come, how envious we were of their +wings! It was a new thought to me that the birds had +more power than man.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[Pg 72]</a></span></p> + +<p>In this way the days went by. I thought my thoughts +each day, as I watched the scene, hoping to see a beautiful +sunset some day. I never did, to my disappointment. +And each night, as I lay in my berth, waiting for sleep, I +wished I might be able even to hope for the happiness of +a sea-voyage after this had been ended.</p> + +<p>Yet, when, on the twelfth day after leaving Hamburg, +the captain announced that we should see land before +long, I rejoiced as much as anybody else. We were so +excited with expectation that nothing else was heard but +the talk of the happy arrival, now so near. Some were +even willing to stay up at night, to be the first ones to see +the shores of America. It was therefore a great disappointment +when the captain said, in the evening, that we +would not reach Boston as soon as he expected, on account +of the weather.</p> + +<p>A dense fog set in at night, and grew heavier and heavier, +until the "Polynesia" was closely walled in by it, and +we could just see from one end of the deck to the other. +The signal lanterns were put up, the passengers were +driven to their berths by the cold and damp, the cabin +doors closed, and discomfort reigned everywhere.</p> + +<p>But the excitement of the day had tired us out, and +we were glad to forget disappointment in sleep. In the +morning it was still foggy, but we could see a little way +around. It was very strange to have the boundless dis<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[Pg 73]</a></span>tance +made so narrow, and I felt the strangeness of the +scene. All day long we shivered with cold, and hardly +left the cabin. At last it was night once more, and we in +our berths. But nobody slept.</p> + +<p>The sea had been growing rougher during the day, and +at night the ship began to pitch as it did at the beginning +of the journey. Then it grew worse. Everything in our +cabin was rolling on the floor, clattering and dinning. +Dishes were broken into little bits that flew about from +one end to the other. Bedding from upper berths nearly +stifled the people in the lower ones. Some fell out of +their berths, but it was not at all funny. As the ship +turned to one side, the passengers were violently thrown +against that side of the berths, and some boards gave way +and clattered down to the floor. When it tossed on the +other side, we could see the little windows almost touch +the water, and closed the shutters to keep out the sight. +The children cried, everybody groaned, and sailors kept +coming in to pick up the things on the floor and carry +them away. This made the confusion less, but not the +alarm.</p> + +<p>Above all sounds rose the fog horn. It never stopped +the long night through. And oh, how sad it sounded! It +pierced every heart, and made us afraid. Now and then +some ship, far away, would answer, like a weak echo. +Sometimes we noticed that the wheels were still, and we<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[Pg 74]</a></span> +knew that the ship had stopped. This frightened us +more than ever, for we imagined the worst reasons for it.</p> + +<p>It was day again, and a little calmer. We slept now, +till the afternoon. Then we saw that the fog had become +much thinner, and later on we even saw a ship, but indistinctly.</p> + +<p>Another night passed, and the day that followed was +pretty fair, and towards evening the sky was almost +cloudless. The captain said we should have no more +rough weather, for now we were really near Boston. Oh, +how hard it was to wait for the happy day! Somebody +brought the news that we should land to-morrow in the +afternoon. We didn't believe it, so he said that the steward +had ordered a great pudding full of raisins for supper +that day as a sure sign that it was the last on board. +We remembered the pudding, but didn't believe in its +meaning.</p> + +<p>I don't think we slept that night. After all the suffering +of our journey, after seeing and hearing nothing but +the sky and the sea and its roaring, it was impossible to +sleep when we thought that soon we would see trees, +fields, fresh people, animals—a world, and that world +America. Then, above everything, was the meeting with +friends we had not seen for years; for almost everybody +had some friends awaiting them.</p> + +<p>Morning found all the passengers up and expectant.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[Pg 75]</a></span> +Someone questioned the captain, and he said we would +land to-morrow. There was another long day, and another +sleepless night, but when these ended at last, how +busy we were! First we packed up all the things we did +not need, then put on fresh clothing, and then went on +deck to watch for land. It was almost three o'clock, the +hour the captain hoped to reach Boston, but there was +nothing new to be seen. The weather was fair, so we +would have seen anything within a number of miles. +Anxiously we watched, and as we talked of the strange +delay, our courage began to give out with our hope. +When it could be borne no longer, a gentleman went to +speak to the captain. He was on the upper deck, examining +the horizon. He put off the arrival for the next +day!</p> + +<p>You can imagine our feelings at this. When it was +worse the captain came down and talked so assuringly +that, in spite of all the disappointments we had had, we +believed that this was the last, and were quite cheerful +when we went to bed.</p> + +<p>The morning was glorious. It was the eighth of May, +the seventeenth day after we left Hamburg. The sky +was clear and blue, the sun shone brightly, as if to congratulate +us that we had safely crossed the stormy sea; +and to apologize for having kept away from us so long. +The sea had lost its fury; it was almost as quiet as it had<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[Pg 76]</a></span> +been at Hamburg before we started, and its color was a +beautiful greenish blue. Birds were all the time in the +air, and it was worth while to live merely to hear their +songs. And soon, oh joyful sight! we saw the tops of +two trees!</p> + +<p>What a shout there rose! Everyone pointed out the +welcome sight to everybody else, as if they did not see it. +All eyes were fixed on it as if they saw a miracle. And +this was only the beginning of the joys of the day!</p> + +<p>What confusion there was! Some were flying up the +stairs to the upper deck, some were tearing down to the +lower one, others were running in and out of the cabins, +some were in all parts of the ship in one minute, and all +were talking and laughing and getting in somebody's +way. Such excitement, such joy! We had seen two +trees!</p> + +<p>Then steamers and boats of all kinds passed by, in all +directions. We shouted, and the men stood up in the +boats and returned the greeting, waving their hats. We +were as glad to see them as if they were old friends of +ours.</p> + +<p>Oh, what a beautiful scene! No corner of the earth is +half so fair as the lovely picture before us. It came to +view suddenly,—a green field, a real field with grass on it, +and large houses, and the dearest hens and little chickens +in all the world, and trees, and birds, and people at work.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[Pg 77]</a></span> +The young green things put new life into us, and are so +dear to our eyes that we dare not speak a word now, lest +the magic should vanish away and we should be left to +the stormy scenes we know.</p> + +<p>But nothing disturbed the fairy sight. Instead, new +scenes appeared, beautiful as the first. The sky becomes +bluer all the time, the sun warmer; the sea is too quiet for +its name, and the most beautiful blue imaginable.</p> + +<p>What are the feelings these sights awaken! They can +not be described. To know how great was our happiness, +how complete, how free from even the shadow of a +sadness, you must make a journey of sixteen days on a +stormy ocean. Is it possible that we will ever again be +so happy?</p> + +<p>It was about three hours since we saw the first landmarks, +when a number of men came on board, from a little +steamer, and examined the passengers to see if they +were properly vaccinated (we had been vaccinated on the +"Polynesia"), and pronounced everyone all right. Then +they went away, except one man who remained. An +hour later we saw the wharves.</p> + +<p>Before the ship had fully stopped, the climax of our joy +was reached. One of us espied the figure and face we +had longed to see for three long years. In a moment +five passengers on the "Polynesia" were crying, "Papa," +and gesticulating, and laughing, and hugging one anoth<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[Pg 78]</a></span>er, +and going wild altogether. All the rest were roused +by our excitement, and came to see our father. He recognized +us as soon as we him, and stood apart on the +wharf not knowing what to do, I thought.</p> + +<p>What followed was slow torture. Like mad things we +ran about where there was room, unable to stand still as +long as we were on the ship and he on shore. To have +crossed the ocean only to come within a few yards of him, +unable to get nearer till all the fuss was over, was dreadful +enough. But to hear other passengers called who +had no reason for hurry, while we were left among the +last, was unendurable.</p> + +<p>Oh, dear! Why can't we get off the hateful ship? Why +can't papa come to us? Why so many ceremonies at the +landing?</p> + +<p>We said good-bye to our friends as their turn came, +wishing we were in their luck. To give us something +else to think of, papa succeeded in passing us some fruit; +and we wondered to find it anything but a great wonder, +for we expected to find everything marvellous in the +strange country.</p> + +<p>Still the ceremonies went on. Each person was asked +a hundred or so stupid questions, and all their answers +were written down by a very slow man. The baggage +had to be examined, the tickets, and a hundred other +things done before anyone was allowed to step ashore, +all to keep us back as long as possible.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[Pg 79]</a></span></p> + +<p>Now imagine yourself parting with all you love, believing +it to be a parting for life; breaking up your home, +selling the things that years have made dear to you; starting +on a journey without the least experience in travelling, +in the face of many inconveniences on account of +the want of sufficient money; being met with disappointment +where it was not to be expected; with rough treatment +everywhere, till you are forced to go and make +friends for yourself among strangers; being obliged to +sell some of your most necessary things to pay bills you +did not willingly incur; being mistrusted and searched, +then half starved, and lodged in common with a multitude +of strangers; suffering the miseries of seasickness, +the disturbances and alarms of a stormy sea for sixteen +days; and then stand within, a few yards of him for whom +you did all this, unable to even speak to him easily. How +do you feel?</p> + +<p>Oh, it's our turn at last! We are questioned, examined, +and dismissed! A rush over the planks on one side, +over the ground on the other, six wild beings cling to +each other, bound by a common bond of tender joy, and +the long parting is at an END.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[Pg 80]</a></span></p> + + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of From Plotzk to Boston, by Mary Antin + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FROM PLOTZK TO BOSTON *** + +***** This file should be named 20638-h.htm or 20638-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/0/6/3/20638/ + +Produced by Arie Tuinman and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: From Plotzk to Boston + +Author: Mary Antin + +Commentator: Israel Zangwill + +Release Date: February 21, 2007 [EBook #20638] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FROM PLOTZK TO BOSTON *** + + + + +Produced by Arie Tuinman and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + + + + + + + + +From Plotzk to Boston + + +BY +MARY ANTIN + + +WITH A FOREWORD BY + +ISRAEL ZANGWILL + + + + +BOSTON, MASS. +W. B. CLARKE & CO., PARK STREET CHURCH +1899 + +COPYRIGHT, 1899 +BY MARY ANTIN + +PRESS OF PHILIP COWEN +NEW YORK CITY + + + * * * * * + + +DEDICATED TO + +HATTIE L. HECHT + +WITH THE LOVE AND GRATITUDE OF +THE AUTHOR + + + * * * * * + + +FOREWORD + + +The "infant phenomenon" in literature is rarer than in more physical +branches of art, but its productions are not likely to be of value +outside the doting domestic circle. Even Pope who "lisped in numbers for +the numbers came," did not add to our Anthology from his cradle, though +he may therein have acquired his monotonous rocking-metre. Immaturity of +mind and experience, so easily disguised on the stage or the +music-stool--even by adults--is more obvious in the field of pure +intellect. The contribution with which Mary Antin makes her debut in +letters is, however, saved from the emptiness of embryonic thinking by +being a record of a real experience, the greatest of her life; her +journey from Poland to Boston. Even so, and remarkable as her +description is for a girl of eleven--for it was at this age that she +first wrote the thing in Yiddish, though she was thirteen when she +translated it into English--it would scarcely be worth publishing merely +as a literary curiosity. But it happens to possess an extraneous value. +For, despite the great wave of Russian immigration into the United +States, and despite the noble spirit in which the Jews of America have +grappled with the invasion, we still know too little of the inner +feelings of the people themselves, nor do we adequately realize what +magic vision of free America lures them on to face the great journey to +the other side of the world. + +Mary Antin's vivid description of all she and her dear ones went +through, enables us to see almost with our own eyes how the invasion of +America appears to the impecunious invader. It is thus "a human +document" of considerable value, as well as a promissory note of future +performance. The quick senses of the child, her keen powers of +observation and introspection, her impressionability both to sensations +and complex emotions--these are the very things out of which literature +is made; the raw stuff of art. Her capacity to handle English--after so +short a residence in America--shows that she possesses also the +instrument of expression. More fortunate than the poet of the Ghetto, +Morris Rosenfeld, she will have at her command the most popular language +in the world, and she has already produced in it passages of true +literature, especially in her impressionistic rendering of the sea and +the bustling phantasmagoria of travel. + +What will be her development no one can say precisely, and I would not +presume either to predict or to direct it, for "the wind bloweth where +it listeth." It will probably take lyrical shape. Like most modern +Jewesses who have written, she is, I fear, destined to spiritual +suffering: fortunately her work evidences a genial talent for enjoyment +and a warm humanity which may serve to counterbalance the curse of +reflectiveness. That she is growing, is evident from her own +Introduction, written only the other day, with its touches of humor and +more complex manipulation of groups of facts. But I have ventured to +counsel delay rather than precipitation in production--for she is not +yet sixteen--and the completion of her education, physical no less than +intellectual; and it is to this purpose that such profits as may accrue +from this publication will be devoted. Let us hope this premature +recognition of her potentialities will not injure their future +flowering, and that her development will add to those spiritual and +intellectual forces of which big-hearted American Judaism stands sorely +in need. I should explain in conclusion, that I have neither added nor +subtracted, even a comma, and that I have no credit in "discovering" +Mary Antin. I did but endorse the verdict of that kind and charming +Boston household in which I had the pleasure of encountering the gifted +Polish girl, and to a member of which this little volume is +appropriately dedicated. + +I. ZANGWILL. + + + + +PREFATORY + + +In the year 1891, a mighty wave of the emigration movement swept over +all parts of Russia, carrying with it a vast number of the Jewish +population to the distant shores of the New World--from tyranny to +democracy, from darkness to light, from bondage and persecution to +freedom, justice and equality. But the great mass knew nothing of these +things; they were going to the foreign world in hopes only of earning +their bread and worshiping their God in peace. The different currents +that directed the course of that wave cannot be here enumerated. Suffice +it to say that its power was enormous. All over the land homes were +broken up, families separated, lives completely altered, for a common +end. + +The emigration fever was at its height in Plotzk, my native town, in the +central western part of Russia, on the Dvina River. "America" was in +everybody's mouth. Business men talked of it over their accounts; the +market women made up their quarrels that they might discuss it from +stall to stall; people who had relatives in the famous land went around +reading their letters for the enlightenment of less fortunate folks; the +one letter-carrier informed the public how many letters arrived from +America, and who were the recipients; children played at emigrating; old +folks shook their sage heads over the evening fire, and prophesied no +good for those who braved the terrors of the sea and the foreign goal +beyond it;--all talked of it, but scarcely anybody knew one true fact +about this magic land. For book-knowledge was not for them; and a few +persons--they were a dressmaker's daughter, and a merchant with his two +sons--who had returned from America after a long visit, happened to be +endowed with extraordinary imagination, (a faculty closely related to +their knowledge of their old country-men's ignorance), and their +descriptions of life across the ocean, given daily, for some months, to +eager audiences, surpassed anything in the Arabian Nights. One sad fact +threw a shadow over the splendor of the gold-paved, Paradise-like +fairyland. The travelers all agreed that Jews lived there in the most +shocking impiety. + +Driven by a necessity for bettering the family circumstances, and by +certain minor forces which cannot now be named, my father began to think +seriously of casting his lot with the great stream of emigrants. Many +family councils were held before it was agreed that the plan must be +carried out. Then came the parting; for it was impossible for the whole +family to go at once. I remember it, though I was only eight. It struck +me as rather interesting to stand on the platform before the train, with +a crowd of friends weeping in sympathy with us, and father waving his +hat for our special benefit, and saying--the last words we heard him +speak as the train moved off-- + +"Good-bye, Plotzk, forever!" + +Then followed three long years of hope and doubt for father in America +and us in Russia. There were toil and suffering and waiting and anxiety +for all. There were--but to tell of all that happened in those years I +should have to write a separate history. The happy day came when we +received the long-coveted summons. And what stirring times followed! The +period of preparation was one of constant delight to us children. We +were four--my two sisters, one brother and myself. Our playmates looked +up to us in respectful admiration; neighbors, if they made no direct +investigations, bribed us with nice things for information as to what +was going into every box, package and basket. And the house was +dismantled--people came and carried off the furniture; closets, sheds +and other nooks were emptied of their contents; the great wood-pile was +taken away until only a few logs remained; ancient treasures such as +women are so loath to part with, and which mother had carried with her +from a dear little house whence poverty had driven us, were brought to +light from their hiding places, and sacrificed at the altar whose flames +were consuming so much that was fraught with precious association and +endeared by family tradition; the number of bundles and boxes increased +daily, and our home vanished hourly; the rooms became quite +uninhabitable at last, and we children glanced in glee, to the anger of +the echoes, when we heard that in the evening we were to start upon our +journey. + +But we did not go till the next morning, and then as secretly as +possible. For, despite the glowing tales concerning America, people +flocked to the departure of emigrants much as they did to a funeral; to +weep and lament while (in the former case only, I believe) they envied. +As everybody in Plotzk knew us, and as the departure of a whole family +was very rousing, we dared not brave the sympathetic presence of the +whole township, that we knew we might expect. So we gave out a false +alarm. + +Even then there was half the population of Plotzk on hand the next +morning. We were the heroes of the hour. I remember how the women +crowded around mother, charging her to deliver messages to their +relatives in America; how they made the air ring with their +unintelligible chorus; how they showered down upon us scores of +suggestions and admonitions; how they made us frantic with their +sympathetic weeping and wringing of hands; how, finally, the ringing of +the signal bell set them all talking faster and louder than ever, in +desperate efforts to give the last bits of advice, deliver the last +messages, and, to their credit let it be said, to give the final, +hearty, unfeigned good-bye kisses, hugs and good wishes. + +Well, we lived through three years of waiting, and also through a half +hour of parting. Some of our relatives came near being carried off, as, +heedless of the last bell, they lingered on in the car. But at last +they, too, had to go, and we, the wanderers, could scarcely see the +rainbow wave of colored handkerchiefs, as, dissolved in tears, we were +carried out of Plotzk, away from home, but nearer our longed-for haven +of reunion; nearer, indeed, to everything that makes life beautiful and +gives one an aim and an end--freedom, progress, knowledge, light and +truth, with their glorious host of followers. But we did not know it +then. + +The following pages contain the description of our journey, as I wrote +it four years ago, when it was all fresh in my memory. + +M. A. + + + + +FROM PLOTZK TO BOSTON. + + +The short journey from Plotzk to Vilna was uneventful. Station after +station was passed without our taking any interest in anything, for that +never-to-be-forgotten leave taking at the Plotzk railway station left us +all in such a state of apathy to all things except our own thoughts as +could not easily be thrown off. Indeed, had we not been obliged to +change trains at Devinsk and, being the inexperienced travellers we +were, do a great deal of bustling and hurrying and questioning of +porters and mere idlers, I do not know how long we would have remained +in that same thoughtful, silent state. + +Towards evening we reached Vilna, and such a welcome as we got! Up to +then I had never seen such a mob of porters and isvostchiky. I do not +clearly remember just what occurred, but a most vivid recollection of +being very uneasy for a time is still retained in my memory. You see my +uncle was to have met us at the station, but urgent business kept him +elsewhere. + +Now it was universally believed in Plotzk that it was wise not to trust +the first isvostchik who offered his services when one arrived in Vilna +a stranger, and I do not know to this day how mother managed to get +away from the mob and how, above all, she dared to trust herself with +her precious baggage to one of them. But I have thought better of Vilna +Isvostchiky since, for we were safely landed after a pretty long drive +in front of my uncle's store, with never one of our number lost, never a +bundle stolen or any mishap whatever. + +Our stay in Vilna was marked by nothing of interest. We stayed only long +enough for some necessary papers to reach us, and during that time I +discovered that Vilna was very much like Plotzk, though larger, cleaner +and noisier. There were the same coarse, hoarse-voiced women in the +market, the same kind of storekeepers in the low store doors, forever +struggling and quarrelling for a customer. The only really interesting +things I remember were the horsecars, which I had never even heard of, +and in one of which I had a lovely ride for five copeiky, and a large +book store on the Nemetzka yah Ulitza. The latter object may not seem of +any interest to most people, but I had never seen so many books in one +place before, and I could not help regarding them with longing and +wonder. + +At last all was in readiness for our start. This was really the +beginning of our long journey, which I shall endeavor to describe. + +I will not give any description of the various places we passed, for we +stopped at few places and always under circumstances which did not +permit of sightseeing. I shall only speak of such things as made a +distinct impression upon my mind, which, it must be remembered, was not +mature enough to be impressed by what older minds were, while on the +contrary it was in just the state to take in many things which others +heeded not. + +I do not know the exact date, but I do know that it was at the break of +day on a Sunday and very early in April when we left Vilna. We had not +slept any the night before. Fannie and I spent the long hours in playing +various quiet games and watching the clock. At last the long expected +hour arrived; our train would be due in a short time. All but Fannie and +myself had by this time fallen into a drowse, half sitting, half lying +on some of the many baskets and boxes that stood all about the room all +ready to be taken to the station. So we set to work to rouse the rest, +and with the aid of an alarm clock's loud ringing, we soon had them at +least half awake; and while the others sat rubbing their eyes and trying +to look wide awake, Uncle Borris had gone out, and when he returned with +several droskies to convey us to the station, we were all ready for the +start. + +We went out into the street, and now I perceived that not we alone were +sleepy; everything slept, and nature also slept, deeply, sweetly. + +The sky was covered with dark gray clouds (perhaps that was its +night-cap), from which a chill, drizzling rain was slowly descending, +and the thick morning fog shut out the road from our sight. No sound +came from any direction; slumber and quiet reigned everywhere, for every +thing and person slept, forgetful for a time of joys, sorrows, hopes, +fears,--everything. + +Sleepily we said our last good-byes to the family, took our seats in the +droskies, and soon the Hospitalnayah Ulitza was lost to sight. As the +vehicles rattled along the deserted streets, the noise of the horses' +hoofs and the wheels striking against the paving stones sounded +unusually loud in the general hush, and caused the echoes to answer +again and again from the silent streets and alleys. + +In a short time we were at the station. In our impatience we had come +too early, and now the waiting was very tiresome. Everybody knows how +lively and noisy it is at a railroad station when a train is expected. +But now there were but a few persons present, and in everybody's face I +could see the reflection of my own dissatisfaction, because, like +myself, they had much rather have been in a comfortable, warm bed than +up and about in the rain and fog. Everything was so uncomfortable. + +Suddenly we heard a long shrill whistle, to which the surrounding +dreariness gave a strangely mournful sound, the clattering train rushed +into the depot and stood still. Several passengers (they were very few) +left the cars and hastened towards where the droskies stood, and after +rousing the sleepy isvostchiky, were whirled away to their several +destinations. + +When we had secured our tickets and seen to the baggage we entered a car +in the women's division and waited impatiently for the train to start. +At last the first signal was given, then the second and third; the +locomotive shrieked and puffed, the train moved slowly, then swiftly it +left the depot far behind it. + +From Vilna to our next stopping place, Verzbolovo, there was a long, +tedious ride of about eight hours. As the day continued to be dull and +foggy, very little could be seen through the windows. Besides, no one +seemed to care or to be interested in anything. Sleepy and tired as we +all were, we got little rest, except the younger ones, for we had not +yet got used to living in the cars and could not make ourselves very +comfortable. For the greater part of the time we remained as unsocial as +the weather was unpleasant. The car was very still, there being few +passengers, among them a very pleasant kind gentleman travelling with +his pretty daughter. Mother found them very pleasant to chat with, and +we children found it less tiresome to listen to them. + +At half past twelve o'clock the train came to a stop before a large +depot, and the conductor announced "Verzbolovo, fifteen minutes!" The +sight that now presented itself was very cheering after our long, +unpleasant ride. The weather had changed very much. The sun was shining +brightly and not a trace of fog or cloud was to be seen. Crowds of +well-dressed people were everywhere--walking up and down the platform, +passing through the many gates leading to the street, sitting around the +long, well-loaded tables, eating, drinking, talking or reading +newspapers, waited upon by the liveliest, busiest waiters I had ever +seen--and there was such an activity and bustle about everything that I +wished I could join in it, it seemed so hard to sit still. But I had to +content myself with looking on with the others, while the friendly +gentleman whose acquaintance my mother had made (I do not recollect his +name) assisted her in obtaining our tickets for Eidtkunen, and attending +to everything else that needed attention, and there were many things. + +Soon the fifteen minutes were up, our kind fellow-passenger and his +daughter bade us farewell and a pleasant journey (we were just on the +brink of the beginning of our troubles), the train puffed out of the +depot and we all felt we were nearing a very important stage in our +journey. At this time, cholera was raging in Russia, and was spread by +emigrants going to America in the countries through which they +travelled. To stop this danger, measures were taken to make emigration +from Russia more difficult than ever. I believe that at all times the +crossing of the boundary between Russia and Germany was a source of +trouble to Russians, but with a special passport this was easily +overcome. When, however, the traveller could not afford to supply +himself with one, the boundary was crossed by stealth, and many amusing +anecdotes are told of persons who crossed in some disguise, often that +of a mujik who said he was going to the town on the German side to sell +some goods, carried for the purpose of ensuring the success of the ruse. +When several such tricks had been played on the guards it became very +risky, and often, when caught, a traveller resorted to stratagem, which +is very diverting when afterwards described, but not so at a time when +much depends on its success. Some times a paltry bribe secured one a +safe passage, and often emigrants were aided by men who made it their +profession to help them cross, often suffering themselves to be paid +such sums for the service that it paid best to be provided with a +special passport. + +As I said, the difficulties were greater at the time we were travelling, +and our friends believed we had better not attempt a stealthy crossing, +and we procured the necessary document to facilitate it. We therefore +expected little trouble, but some we thought there might be, for we had +heard some vague rumors to the effect that a special passport was not as +powerful an agent as it used to be. + +We now prepared to enjoy a little lunch, and before we had time to clear +it away the train stopped, and we saw several men in blue uniforms, gilt +buttons and brass helmets, if you may call them so, on their heads. At +his side each wore a kind of leather case attached to a wide bronze +belt. In these cases they carried something like a revolver, and each +had, besides, a little book with black oilcloth covers. + +I can give you no idea of the impression these men (they were German +gendarmes) made on us, by saying they frightened us. Perhaps because +their (to us) impressive appearance gave them a stern look; perhaps +because they really looked something more than grave, we were so +frightened. I only know that we were. I can see the reason now clearly +enough. Like all persons who were used to the tyranny of a Russian +policeman, who practically ruled the ward or town under his friendly +protection, and never hesitated to assert his rights as holder of +unlimited authority over his little domain, in that mild, amiable manner +so well known to such of his subjects as he particularly favored with +his vigilant regard--like all such persons, I say, we did not, could +not, expect to receive any kind treatment at the hands of a number of +officers, especially as we were in the very act of attempting to part +with our much-beloved mother country, of which act, to judge by the +pains it took to make it difficult, the government did not approve. It +was a natural fear in us, as you can easily see. Pretty soon mother +recovered herself, and remembering that the train stops for a few +minutes only, was beginning to put away the scattered articles hastily +when a gendarme entered our car and said we were not to leave it. Mamma +asked him why, but he said nothing and left the car, another gendarme +entering as he did so. He demanded where we were going, and, hearing the +answer, went out. Before we had had time to look about at each other's +frightened faces, another man, a doctor, as we soon knew, came in +followed by a third gendarme. + +The doctor asked many questions about our health, and of what +nationality we were. Then he asked about various things, as where we +were going to, if we had tickets, how much money we had, where we came +from, to whom we were going, etc., etc., making a note of every answer +he received. This done, he shook his head with his shining helmet on it, +and said slowly (I imagined he enjoyed frightening us), "With these +third class tickets you cannot go to America now, because it is +forbidden to admit emigrants into Germany who have not at least second +class tickets. You will have to return to Russia unless you pay at the +office here to have your tickets changed for second class ones." After a +few minutes' calculation and reference to the notes he had made, he +added calmly, "I find you will need two hundred rubles to get your +tickets exchanged;" and, as the finishing stroke to his pleasing +communication, added, "Your passports are of no use at all now because +the necessary part has to be torn out, whether you are allowed to pass +or not." A plain, short speech he made of it, that cruel man. Yet every +word sounded in our ears with an awful sound that stopped the beating of +our hearts for a while--sounded like the ringing of funeral bells to us, +and yet without the mournfully sweet music those bells make, that they +might heal while they hurt. + +We were homeless, houseless, and friendless in a strange place. We had +hardly money enough to last us through the voyage for which we had hoped +and waited for three long years. We had suffered much that the reunion +we longed for might come about; we had prepared ourselves to suffer more +in order to bring it about, and had parted with those we loved, with +places that were dear to us in spite of what we passed through in them, +never again to see them, as we were convinced--all for the same dear +end. With strong hopes and high spirits that hid the sad parting, we had +started on our long journey. And now we were checked so unexpectedly +but surely, the blow coming from where we little expected it, being, as +we believed, safe in that quarter. And that is why the simple words had +such a frightful meaning to us. We had received a wound we knew not how +to heal. + +When mother had recovered enough to speak she began to argue with the +gendarme, telling him our story and begging him to be kind. The children +were frightened by what they understood, and all but cried. I was only +wondering what would happen, and wishing I could pour out my grief in +tears, as the others did; but when I feel deeply I seldom show it in +that way, and always wish I could. + +Mother's supplications, and perhaps the children's indirect ones, had +more effect than I supposed they would. The officer was moved, even if +he had just said that tears would not be accepted instead of money, and +gave us such kind advice that I began to be sorry I had thought him +cruel, for it was easy to see that he was only doing his duty and had no +part in our trouble that he could be blamed for, now that I had more +kindly thoughts of him. + +He said that we would now be taken to Keebart, a few versts' distance +from Verzbolovo, where one Herr Schidorsky lived. This man, he said, was +well known for miles around, and we were to tell him our story and ask +him to help us, which he probably would, being very kind. + +A ray of hope shone on each of the frightened faces listening so +attentively to this bearer of both evil and happy tidings. I, for one, +was very confident that the good man would help us through our +difficulties, for I was most unwilling to believe that we really +couldn't continue our journey. Which of us was? I'd like to know. + +We are in Keebart, at the depot. The least important particular even of +that place, I noticed and remembered. How the porter--he was an ugly, +grinning man--carried in our things and put them away in the southern +corner of the big room, on the floor; how we sat down on a settee near +them, a yellow settee; how the glass roof let in so much light that we +had to shade our eyes because the car had been dark and we had been +crying; how there were only a few people besides ourselves there, and +how I began to count them and stopped when I noticed a sign over the +head of the fifth person--a little woman with a red nose and a pimple on +it, that seemed to be staring at me as much as the grayish-blue eyes +above them, it was so large and round--and tried to read the German, +with the aid of the Russian translation below. I noticed all this and +remembered it, as if there was nothing else in the world for me to think +of--no America, no gendarme to destroy one's passports and speak of two +hundred rubles as if he were a millionaire, no possibility of being sent +back to one's old home whether one felt at all grateful for the +kindness or not--nothing but that most attractive of places, full of +interesting sights. + +For, though I had been so hopeful a little while ago, I felt quite +discouraged when a man, very sour and grumbling--and he was a Jew--a +"Son of Mercy" as a certain song said--refused to tell mamma where +Schidorsky lived. I then believed that the whole world must have united +against us; and decided to show my defiant indifference by leaving the +world to be as unkind as it pleased, while I took no interest in such +trifles. + +So I let my mind lose itself in a queer sort of mist--a something I +cannot describe except by saying it must have been made up of lazy +inactivity. Through this mist I saw and heard indistinctly much that +followed. + +When I think of it now, I see how selfish it was to allow myself to +sink, body and mind, in such a sea of helpless laziness, when I might +have done something besides awaiting the end of that critical time, +whatever it might be--something, though what, I do not see even now, I +own. But I only studied the many notices till I thought myself very well +acquainted with the German tongue; and now and then tried to cheer the +other children, who were still inclined to cry, by pointing out to them +some of the things that interested me. For this faulty conduct I have no +excuse to give, unless youth and the fact that I was stunned with the +shock we had just received, will be accepted. + +I remember through that mist that mother found Schidorsky's home at +last, but was told she could not see him till a little later; that she +came back to comfort us, and found there our former fellow passenger who +had come with us from Vilna, and that he was very indignant at the way +in which we were treated, and scolded, and declared he would have the +matter in all the papers, and said we must be helped. I remember how +mamma saw Schidorsky at last, spoke to him, and then told us, word for +word, what his answer had been; that he wouldn't wait to be asked to use +all his influence, and wouldn't lose a moment about it, and he didn't, +for he went out at once on that errand, while his good daughter did her +best to comfort mamma with kind words and tea. I remember that there was +much going to the good man's house; much hurrying of special messengers +to and from Eidtkunen; trembling inquiries, uncertain replies made +hopeful only by the pitying, encouraging words and manners of the +deliverer--for all, even the servants, were kind as good angels at that +place. I remember that another little family--there were three--were +discovered by us in the same happy state as ourselves, and like the dogs +in the fable, who, receiving care at the hands of a kind man, sent their +friends to him for help, we sent them to our helper. + +I remember seeing night come out of that mist, and bringing more trains +and people and noise than the whole day (we still remained at the +depot), till I felt sick and dizzy. I remember wondering what kind of a +night it was, but not knowing how to find out, as if I had no senses. I +remember that somebody said we were obliged to remain in Keebart that +night and that we set out to find lodgings; that the most important +things I saw on the way were the two largest dolls I had ever seen, +carried by two pretty little girls, and a big, handsome father; and a +great deal of gravel in the streets, and boards for the crossings. I +remember that we found a little room (we had to go up four steps first) +that we could have for seventy-five copecks, with our tea paid for in +that sum. I remember, through that mist, how I wondered what I was +sleeping on that night, as I wondered about the weather; that we really +woke up in the morning (I was so glad to rest I had believed we should +never be disturbed again) and washed, and dressed and breakfasted and +went to the depot again, to be always on hand. I remember that mamma and +the father of the little family went at once to the only good man on +earth (I thought so) and that the party of three were soon gone, by the +help of some agent that was slower, for good reasons, in helping us. + +I remember that mamma came to us soon after and said that Herr +Schidorsky had told her to ask the Postmeister--some high official +there--for a pass to Eidtkunen; and there she should speak herself to +our protector's older brother who could help us by means of his great +power among the officers of high rank; that she returned in a few hours +and told us the two brothers were equal in kindness, for the older one, +too, said he would not wait to be asked to do his best for us. I +remember that another day--so-o-o long--passed behind the mist, and we +were still in that dreadful, noisy, tiresome depot, with no change, till +we went to spend the night at Herr Schidorsky's, because they wouldn't +let us go anywhere else. On the way there, I remember, I saw something +marvellous--queer little wooden sticks stuck on the lines where clothes +hung for some purpose. (I didn't think it was for drying, because you +know I always saw things hung up on fences and gates for such purposes. +The queer things turned out to be clothes-pins). And, I remember, I +noticed many other things of equal importance to our affairs, till we +came to the little house in the garden. Here we were received, I +remember with much kindness and hospitality. We had a fire made for us, +food and drink brought in, and a servant was always inquiring whether +anything more could be done for our comfort. + +I remember, still through that misty veil, what a pleasant evening we +passed, talking over what had so far happened, and wondering what would +come. I must have talked like one lost in a thick fog, groping +carefully. But, had I been shut up, mentally, in a tower nothing else +could pierce, the sense of gratitude that naturally sprung from the +kindness that surrounded us, must have, would have found a passage for +itself to the deepest cavities of the heart. Yes, though all my senses +were dulled by what had passed over us so lately, I was yet aware of the +deepest sense of thankfulness one can ever feel. I was aware of +something like the sweet presence of angels in the persons of good +Schidorsky and his family. Oh, that some knowledge of that gratitude +might reach those for whom we felt it so keenly! We all felt it. But the +deepest emotions are so hard to express. I thought of this as I lay +awake a little while, and said to myself, thinking of our benefactor, +that he was a Jew, a true "Son of Mercy." And I slept with that thought. +And this is the last I remember seeing and feeling behind that mist of +lazy inactivity. + +The next morning, I woke not only from the night's sleep, but from my +waking dreaminess. All the vapors dispersed as I went into the pretty +flower garden where the others were already at play, and by the time we +had finished a good breakfast, served by a dear servant girl, I felt +quite myself again. + +Of course, mamma hastened to Herr Schidorsky as soon as she could, and +he sent her to the Postmeister again, to ask him to return the part of +our passports that had been torn out, and without which we could not go +on. He said he would return them as soon as he received word from +Eidtkunen. So we could only wait and hope. At last it came and so +suddenly that we ran off to the depot with hardly a hat on all our +heads, or a coat on our backs, with two men running behind with our +things, making it a very ridiculous sight. We have often laughed over it +since. + +Of course, in such a confusion we could not say even one word of +farewell or thanks to our deliverers. But, turning to see that we were +all there, I saw them standing in the gate, crying that all was well +now, and wishing us many pleasant things, and looking as if they had +been receiving all the blessings instead of us. + +I have often thought they must have purposely arranged it that we should +have to leave in a hurry, because they wouldn't stand any expression of +gratefulness. + +Well, we just reached our car in time to see our baggage brought from +the office and ourselves inside, when the last bell rang. Then, before +we could get breath enough to utter more than faint gasps of delight, we +were again in Eidtkunen. + +The gendarmes came to question us again, but when mother said that we +were going to Herr Schidorsky of Eidtkunen, as she had been told to +say, we were allowed to leave the train. I really thought we were to be +the visitors of the elder Schidorsky, but it turned out to be only an +understanding between him and the officers that those claiming to be on +their way to him were not to be troubled. + +At any rate, we had now really crossed the forbidden boundary--we were +in Germany. + +There was a terrible confusion in the baggage-room where we were +directed to go. Boxes, baskets, bags, valises, and great, shapeless +things belonging to no particular class were thrown about by porters and +other men, who sorted them and put tickets on all but those containing +provisions, while others were opened and examined in haste. At last our +turn came, and our things, along with those of all other American-bound +travellers, were taken away to be steamed and smoked and other such +processes gone through. We were told to wait till notice should be given +us of something else to be done. Our train would not depart till nine in +the evening. + +As usual, I noticed all the little particulars of the waiting room. What +else could I do with so much time and not even a book to read? I could +describe it exactly--the large, square room, painted walls, long tables +with fruits and drinks of all kinds covering them, the white chairs, +carved settees, beautiful china and cut glass showing through the glass +doors of the dressers, and the nickel samovar, which attracted my +attention because I had never seen any but copper or brass ones. The +best and the worst of everything there was a large case full of books. +It was the best, because they were "books" and all could use them; the +worst, because they were all German, and my studies in the railway depot +of Keebart had not taught me so much that I should be able to read books +in German. It was very hard to see people get those books and enjoy them +while I couldn't. It was impossible to be content with other people's +pleasure, and I wasn't. + +When I had almost finished counting the books, I noticed that mamma and +the others had made friends with a family of travellers like ourselves. +Frau Gittleman and her five children made very interesting companions +for the rest of the day, and they seemed to think that Frau Antin and +the four younger Antins were just as interesting; perhaps excepting, in +their minds, one of them who must have appeared rather uninteresting +from a habit she had of looking about as if always expecting to make +discoveries. + +But she was interested, if not interesting, enough when the oldest of +the young Gittlemans, who was a young gentleman of seventeen, produced +some books which she could read. Then all had a merry time together, +reading, talking, telling the various adventures of the journey, and +walking, as far as we were allowed, up and down the long platform +outside, till we were called to go and see, if we wanted to see, how our +things were being made fit for further travel. It was interesting to see +how they managed to have anything left to return to us, after all the +processes of airing and smoking and steaming and other assaults on +supposed germs of the dreaded cholera had been done with, the pillows, +even, being ripped open to be steamed! All this was interesting, but we +were rather disagreeably surprised when a bill for these unasked-for +services had to be paid. + +The Gittlemans, we found, were to keep us company for some time. At the +expected hour we all tried to find room in a car indicated by the +conductor. We tried, but could only find enough space on the floor for +our baggage, on which we made believe sitting comfortably. For now we +were obliged to exchange the comparative comforts of a third class +passenger train for the certain discomforts of a fourth class one. There +were only four narrow benches in the whole car, and about twice as many +people were already seated on these as they were probably supposed to +accommodate. All other space, to the last inch, was crowded by +passengers or their luggage. It was very hot and close and altogether +uncomfortable, and still at every new station fresh passengers came +crowding in, and actually made room, spare as it was, for themselves. It +became so terrible that all glared madly at the conductor as he allowed +more people to come into that prison, and trembled at the announcement +of every station. I cannot see even now how the officers could allow +such a thing; it was really dangerous. The most remarkable thing was the +good-nature of the poor passengers. Few showed a sour face even; not a +man used any strong language (audibly, at least). They smiled at each +other as if they meant to say, "I am having a good time; so are you, +aren't you?" Young Gittleman was very gallant, and so cheerful that he +attracted everybody's attention. He told stories, laughed, and made us +unwilling to be outdone. During one of his narratives he produced a +pretty memorandum book that pleased one of us very much, and that +pleasing gentleman at once presented it to her. She has kept it since in +memory of the giver, and, in the right place, I could tell more about +that matter--very interesting. + +I have given so much space to the description of that one night's +adventures because I remember it so distinctly, with all its +discomforts, and the contrast of our fellow-travellers' kindly +dispositions. At length that dreadful night passed, and at dawn about +half the passengers left, all at once. There was such a sigh of relief +and a stretching of cramped limbs as can only be imagined, as the +remaining passengers inhaled the fresh cold air of dewy dawn. It was +almost worth the previous suffering to experience the pleasure of relief +that followed. + +All day long we travelled in the same train, sleeping, resting, eating, +and wishing to get out. But the train stopped for a very short time at +the many stations, and all the difference that made to us was that +pretty girls passed through the cars with little bark baskets filled +with fruit and flowers hardly fresher or prettier than their bearers, +who generally sold something to our young companion, for he never +wearied of entertaining us. + +Other interests there were none. The scenery was nothing unusual, only +towns, depots, roads, fields, little country houses with barns and +cattle and poultry--all such as we were well acquainted with. If +something new did appear, it was passed before one could get a good look +at it. The most pleasing sights were little barefoot children waving +their aprons or hats as we eagerly watched for them, because that +reminded us of our doing the same thing when we saw the passenger +trains, in the country. We used to wonder whether we should ever do so +again. + +Towards evening we came into Berlin. I grow dizzy even now when I think +of our whirling through that city. It seemed we were going faster and +faster all the time, but it was only the whirl of trains passing in +opposite directions and close to us that made it seem so. The sight of +crowds of people such as we had never seen before, hurrying to and fro, +in and out of great depots that danced past us, helped to make it more +so. Strange sights, splendid buildings, shops, people and animals, all +mingled in one great, confused mass of a disposition to continually move +in a great hurry, wildly, with no other aim but to make one's head go +round and round, in following its dreadful motions. Round and round went +my head. It was nothing but trains, depots, crowds--crowds, depots, +trains, again and again, with no beginning, no end, only a mad dance! +Faster and faster we go, faster still, and the noise increases with the +speed. Bells, whistles, hammers, locomotives shrieking madly, men's +voices, peddlers' cries, horses' hoofs, dogs' barking--all united in +doing their best to drown every other sound but their own, and made such +a deafening uproar in the attempt that nothing could keep it out. Whirl, +noise, dance, uproar--will it last forever? I'm so--o diz-z-zy! How my +head aches! + +And oh! those people will be run over! Stop the train, they'll--thank +goodness, nobody is hurt. But who ever heard of a train passing right +through the middle of a city, up in the air, it seems. Oh, dear! it's no +use thinking, my head spins so. Right through the business streets! Why, +who ever--! + +I must have lived through a century of this terrible motion and din and +unheard of roads for trains, and confused thinking. But at length +everything began to take a more familiar appearance again, the noise +grew less, the roads more secluded, and by degrees we recognized the +dear, peaceful country. Now we could think of Berlin, or rather, what we +had seen of it, more calmly, and wonder why it made such an impression. +I see now. We had never seen so large a city before, and were not +prepared to see such sights, bursting upon us so suddenly as that. It +was like allowing a blind man to see the full glare of the sun all at +once. Our little Plotzk, and even the larger cities we had passed +through, compared to Berlin about the same as total darkness does to +great brilliancy of light. + +In a great lonely field opposite a solitary wooden house within a large +yard, our train pulled up at last, and a conductor commanded the +passengers to make haste and get out. He need not have told us to hurry; +we were glad enough to be free again after such a long imprisonment in +the uncomfortable car. All rushed to the door. We breathed more freely +in the open field, but the conductor did not wait for us to enjoy our +freedom. He hurried us into the one large room which made up the house, +and then into the yard. Here a great many men and women, dressed in +white, received us, the women attending to the women and girls of the +passengers, and the men to the others. + +This was another scene of bewildering confusion, parents losing their +children, and little ones crying; baggage being thrown together in one +corner of the yard, heedless of contents, which suffered in consequence; +those white-clad Germans shouting commands always accompanied with +"Quick! Quick!"; the confused passengers obeying all orders like meek +children, only questioning now and then what was going to be done with +them. + +And no wonder if in some minds stories arose of people being captured by +robbers, murderers, and the like. Here we had been taken to a lonely +place where only that house was to be seen; our things were taken away, +our friends separated from us; a man came to inspect us, as if to +ascertain our full value; strange looking people driving us about like +dumb animals, helpless and unresisting; children we could not see, +crying in a way that suggested terrible things; ourselves driven into a +little room where a great kettle was boiling on a little stove; our +clothes taken off, our bodies rubbed with a slippery substance that +might be any bad thing; a shower of warm water let down on us without +warning; again driven to another little room where we sit, wrapped in +woollen blankets till large, coarse bags are brought in, their contents +turned out and we see only a cloud of steam, and hear the women's +orders to dress ourselves, quick, quick, or else we'll miss--something +we cannot hear. We are forced to pick out our clothes from among all the +others, with the steam blinding us; we choke, cough, entreat the women +to give us time; they persist, "Quick, quick, or you'll miss the train!" +Oh, so we really won't be murdered! They are only making us ready for +the continuing of our journey, cleaning us of all suspicions of +dangerous germs. Thank God! + +Assured by the word "train" we manage to dress ourselves after a +fashion, and the man comes again to inspect us. All is right, and we are +allowed to go into the yard to find our friends and our luggage. Both +are difficult tasks, the second even harder. Imagine all the things of +some hundreds of people making a journey like ours, being mostly +unpacked and mixed together in one sad heap. It was disheartening, but +done at last was the task of collecting our belongings, and we were +marched into the big room again. Here, on the bare floor, in a ring, sat +some Polish men and women singing some hymn in their own tongue, and +making more noise than music. We were obliged to stand and await further +orders, the few seats being occupied, and the great door barred and +locked. We were in a prison, and again felt some doubts. Then a man came +in and called the passengers' names, and when they answered they were +made to pay two marcs each for the pleasant bath we had just been +forced to take. + +Another half hour, and our train arrived. The door was opened, and we +rushed out into the field, glad to get back even to the fourth class +car. + +We had lost sight of the Gittlemans, who were going a different way now, +and to our regret hadn't even said good-bye, or thanked them for their +kindness. + +After the preceding night of wakefulness and discomfort, the weary day +in the train, the dizzy whirl through Berlin, the fright we had from the +rough proceedings of the Germans, and all the strange experiences of the +place we just escaped--after all this we needed rest. But to get it was +impossible for all but the youngest children. If we had borne great +discomforts on the night before, we were suffering now. I had thought +anything worse impossible. Worse it was now. The car was even more +crowded, and people gasped for breath. People sat in strangers' laps, +only glad of that. The floor was so thickly lined that the conductor +could not pass, and the tickets were passed to him from hand to hand. +To-night all were more worn out, and that did not mend their +dispositions. They could not help falling asleep and colliding with +someone's nodding head, which called out angry mutterings and growls. +Some fell off their seats and caused a great commotion by rolling over +on the sleepers on the floor, and, in spite of my own sleepiness and +weariness, I had many quiet laughs by myself as I watched the funny +actions of the poor travellers. + +Not until very late did I fall asleep. I, with the rest, missed the +pleasant company of our friends, the Gittlemans, and thought about them +as I sat perched on a box, with an old man's knees for the back of my +seat, another man's head continually striking my right shoulder, a dozen +or so arms being tossed restlessly right in front of my face, and as +many legs holding me a fast prisoner, so that I could only try to keep +my seat against all the assaults of the sleepers who tried in vain to +make their positions more comfortable. It was all so comical, in spite +of all the inconveniences, that I tried hard not to laugh out loud, till +I too fell asleep. I was awakened very early in the morning by something +chilling and uncomfortable on my face, like raindrops coming down +irregularly. I found it was a neighbor of mine eating cheese, who was +dropping bits on my face. So I began the day with a laugh at the man's +funny apologies, but could not find much more fun in the world on +account of the cold and the pain of every limb. It was very miserable, +till some breakfast cheered me up a little. + +About eight o'clock we reached Hamburg. Again there was a gendarme to +ask questions, look over the tickets and give directions. But all the +time he kept a distance from those passengers who came from Russia, all +for fear of the cholera. We had noticed before how people were afraid to +come near us, but since that memorable bath in Berlin, and all the +steaming and smoking of our things, it seemed unnecessary. + +We were marched up to the strangest sort of vehicle one could think of. +It was a something I don't know any name for, though a little like an +express wagon. At that time I had never seen such a high, narrow, long +thing, so high that the women and girls couldn't climb up without the +men's help, and great difficulty; so narrow that two persons could not +sit comfortably side by side, and so long that it took me some time to +move my eyes from the rear end, where the baggage was, to the front, +where the driver sat. + +When all had settled down at last (there were a number besides +ourselves) the two horses started off very fast, in spite of their heavy +load. Through noisy, strange looking streets they took us, where many +people walked or ran or rode. Many splendid houses, stone and brick, and +showy shops, they passed. Much that was very strange to us we saw, and +little we knew anything about. There a little cart loaded with bottles +or tin cans, drawn by a goat or a dog, sometimes two, attracted our +attention. Sometimes it was only a nurse carrying a child in her arms +that seemed interesting, from the strange dress. Often it was some +article displayed in a shop window or door, or the usually smiling owner +standing in the doorway, that called for our notice. Not that there was +anything really unusual in many of these things, but a certain air of +foreignness, which sometimes was very vague, surrounded everything that +passed before our interested gaze as the horses hastened on. + +The strangest sight of all we saw as we came into the still noisier +streets. Something like a horse-car such as we had seen in Vilna for the +first time, except that it was open on both sides (in most cases) but +without any horses, came flying--really flying--past us. For we stared +and looked it all over, and above, and under, and rubbed our eyes, and +asked of one another what we saw, and nobody could find what it was that +made the thing go. And go it did, one after another, faster than we, +with nothing to move it. "Why, what _is_ that?" we kept exclaiming. +"Really, do you see anything that makes it go? I'm sure I don't." Then I +ventured the highly probable suggestion, "Perhaps it's the fat man in +the gray coat and hat with silver buttons. I guess he pushes it. I've +noticed one in front on every one of them, holding on to that shining +thing." And I'm sure this was as wise a solution of the mystery as +anyone could give, except the driver, who laughed to himself and his +horses over our surprise and wonder at nothing he could see to cause +it. + +But we couldn't understand his explanation, though we always got along +very easily with the Germans, and not until much later did we know that +those wonderful things, with only a fat man to move them, were electric +cars. + +The sightseeing was not all on our side. I noticed many people stopping +to look at us as if amused, though most passed by as though used to such +sights. We did make a queer appearance all in a long row, up above +people's heads. In fact, we looked like a flock of giant fowls roosting, +only wide awake. + +Suddenly, when everything interesting seemed at an end, we all +recollected how long it was since we had started on our funny ride. +Hours, we thought, and still the horses ran. Now we rode through quieter +streets where there were fewer shops and more wooden houses. Still the +horses seemed to have but just started. I looked over our perch again. +Something made me think of a description I had read of criminals being +carried on long journeys in uncomfortable things--like this? Well, it +was strange--this long, long drive, the conveyance, no word of +explanation, and all, though going different ways, being packed off +together. We were strangers; the driver knew it. He might take us +anywhere--how could we tell? I was frightened again as in Berlin. The +faces around me confessed the same. + +The streets became quieter still; no shops, only little houses; hardly +any people passing. Now we cross many railway tracks and I can hear the +sea not very distant. There are many trees now by the roadside, and the +wind whistles through their branches. The wheels and hoofs make a great +noise on the stones, the roar of the sea and the wind among the branches +have an unfriendly sound. + +The horses never weary. Still they run. There are no houses now in view, +save now and then a solitary one, far away. I can see the ocean. Oh, it +is stormy. The dark waves roll inward, the white foam flies high in the +air; deep sounds come from it. The wheels and hoofs make a great noise; +the wind is stronger, and says, "Do you hear the sea?" And the ocean's +roar threatens. The sea threatens, and the wind bids me hear it, and the +hoofs and the wheels repeat the command, and so do the trees, by +gestures. + +Yes, we are frightened. We are very still. Some Polish women over there +have fallen asleep, and the rest of us look such a picture of woe, and +yet so funny, it is a sight to see and remember. + +At last, at last! Those unwearied horses have stopped. Where? In front +of a brick building, the only one on a large, broad street, where only +the trees, and, in the distance, the passing trains can be seen. Nothing +else. The ocean, too, is shut out. + +All were helped off, the baggage put on the sidewalk, and then taken up +again and carried into the building, where the passengers were ordered +to go. On the left side of the little corridor was a small office where +a man sat before a desk covered with papers. These he pushed aside when +we entered, and called us in one by one, except, of course children. As +usual, many questions were asked, the new ones being about our tickets. +Then each person, children included, had to pay three marcs--one for the +wagon that brought us over and two for food and lodgings, till our +various ships should take us away. + +Mamma, having five to pay for, owed fifteen marcs. The little sum we +started with was to last us to the end of the journey, and would have +done so if there hadn't been those unexpected bills to pay at Keebart, +Eidtkunen, Berlin, and now at the office. Seeing how often services were +forced upon us unasked and payment afterwards demanded, mother had begun +to fear that we should need more money, and had sold some things to a +woman for less than a third of their value. In spite of that, so heavy +was the drain on the spare purse where it had not been expected, she +found to her dismay that she had only twelve marcs left to meet the new +bill. + +The man in the office wouldn't believe it, and we were given over in +charge of a woman in a dark gray dress and long white apron, with a red +cross on her right arm. She led us away and thoroughly searched us all, +as well as our baggage. That was nice treatment, like what we had been +receiving since our first uninterrupted entrance into Germany. Always a +call for money, always suspicion of our presence and always rough orders +and scowls of disapproval, even at the quickest obedience. And now this +outrageous indignity! We had to bear it all because we were going to +America from a land cursed by the dreadful epidemic. Others besides +ourselves shared these trials, the last one included, if that were any +comfort, which it was not. + +When the woman reported the result of the search as being fruitless, the +man was satisfied, and we were ordered with the rest through many more +examinations and ceremonies before we should be established under the +quarantine, for that it was. + +While waiting for our turn to be examined by the doctor I looked about, +thinking it worth while to get acquainted with a place where we might be +obliged to stay for I knew not how long. The room where we were sitting +was large, with windows so high up that we couldn't see anything through +them. In the middle stood several long wooden tables, and around these +were settees of the same kind. On the right, opposite the doctor's +office, was a little room where various things could be bought of a +young man--if you hadn't paid all your money for other things. + +When the doctor was through with us he told us to go to Number Five. Now +wasn't that like in a prison? We walked up and down a long yard looking, +among a row of low, numbered doors, for ours, when we heard an +exclamation of, "Oh, Esther! how do you happen to be here?" and, on +seeing the speaker, found it to be an old friend of ours from Plotzk. +She had gone long before us, but her ship hadn't arrived yet. She was +surprised to see us because we had had no intention of going when she +went. + +What a comfort it was to find a friend among all the strangers! She +showed us at once to our new quarters, and while she talked to mamma I +had time to see what they were like. + +It looked something like a hospital, only less clean and comfortable; +more like the soldiers' barracks I had seen. I saw a very large room, +around whose walls were ranged rows of high iron double bedsteads, with +coarse sacks stuffed with something like matting, and not over-clean +blankets for the only bedding, except where people used their own. There +were three windows almost touching the roof, with nails covering all the +framework. From the ceiling hung two round gas lamps, and almost under +them stood a little wooden table and a settee. The floor was of stone. + +Here was a pleasant prospect. We had no idea how long this unattractive +place might be our home. + +Our friend explained that Number Five was only for Jewish women and +girls, and the beds were sleeping rooms, dining rooms, parlors, and +everything else, kitchens excepted. It seemed so, for some were lounging +on the beds, some sitting up, some otherwise engaged, and all were +talking and laughing and making a great noise. Poor things! there was +nothing else to do in that prison. + +Before mother had told our friend of our adventures, a girl, also a +passenger, who had been walking in the yard, ran in and announced, "It's +time to go to dinner! He has come already." "He" we soon learned, was +the overseer of the Jewish special kitchen, without whom the meals were +never taken. + +All the inmates of Number Five rushed out in less than a minute, and I +wondered why they hurried so. When we reached the place that served as +dining room, there was hardly any room for us. Now, while the dinner is +being served, I will tell you what I can see. + +In the middle of the yard stood a number of long tables covered with +white oilcloth. On either side of each table stood benches on which all +the Jewish passengers were now seated, looking impatiently at the door +with the sign "Jewish Kitchen" over it. Pretty soon a man appeared in +the doorway, tall, spare, with a thin, pointed beard, and an air of +importance on his face. It was "he", the overseer, who carried a large +tin pail filled with black bread cut into pieces of half a pound each. +He gave a piece to every person, the youngest child and the biggest man +alike, and then went into the kitchen and filled his pail with soup and +meat, giving everybody a great bowl full of soup and a small piece of +meat. All attacked their rations as soon as they received them and +greatly relished the coarse bread and dark, hot water they called soup. +We couldn't eat those things and only wondered how any one could have +such an appetite for such a dinner. We stopped wondering when our own +little store of provisions gave out. + +After dinner, the people went apart, some going back to their beds and +others to walk in the yard or sit on the settees there. There was no +other place to go to. The doors of the prison were never unlocked except +when new passengers arrived or others left for their ships. The +fences--they really were solid walls--had wires and nails on top, so +that one couldn't even climb to get a look at the sea. + +We went back to our quarters to talk over matters and rest from our +journey. At six o'clock the doctor came with a clerk, and, standing +before the door, bade all those in the yard belonging to Number Five +assemble there; and then the roll was called and everybody received a +little ticket as she answered to her name. With this all went to the +kitchen and received two little rolls and a large cup of partly +sweetened tea. This was supper; and breakfast, served too in this way +was the same. Any wonder that people hurried to dinner and enjoyed it? +And it was always the same thing, no change. + +Little by little we became used to the new life, though it was hard to +go hungry day after day, and bear the discomforts of the common room, +shared by so many; the hard beds (we had little bedding of our own), and +the confinement to the narrow limits of the yard, and the tiresome +sameness of the life. Meal hours, of course, played the most important +part, while the others had to be filled up as best we could. The weather +was fine most of the time and that helped much. Everything was an event, +the arrival of fresh passengers a great one which happened every day; +the day when the women were allowed to wash clothes by the well was a +holiday, and the few favorite girls who were allowed to help in the +kitchen were envied. On dull, rainy days, the man coming to light the +lamps at night was an object of pleasure, and every one made the best of +everybody else. So when a young man arrived who had been to America once +before, he was looked up to by every person there as a superior, his +stories of our future home listened to with delight, and his manners +imitated by all, as a sort of fit preparation. He was wanted everywhere, +and he made the best of his greatness by taking liberties and putting +on great airs and, I afterwards found, imposing on our ignorance very +much. But anything "The American" did passed for good, except his going +away a few days too soon. + +Then a girl came who was rather wanting a little brightness. So all +joined in imposing upon her by telling her a certain young man was a +great professor whom all owed respect and homage to, and she would do +anything in the world to express hers, while he used her to his best +advantage, like the willing slave she was. Nobody seemed to think this +unkind at all, and it really was excusable that the poor prisoners, +hungry for some entertainment, should try to make a little fun when the +chance came. Besides, the girl had opened the temptation by asking, "Who +was the handsome man in the glasses? A professor surely;" showing that +she took glasses for a sure sign of a professor, and professor for the +highest possible title of honor. Doesn't this excuse us? + +The greatest event was the arrival of some ship to take some of the +waiting passengers. When the gates were opened and the lucky ones said +good bye, those left behind felt hopeless of ever seeing the gates open +for them. It was both pleasant and painful, for the strangers grew to be +fast friends in a day and really rejoiced in each other's fortune, but +the regretful envy could not be helped either. + +Amid such events as these a day was like a month at least. Eight of +these we had spent in quarantine when a great commotion was noticed +among the people of Number Five and those of the corresponding number in +the men's division. There was a good reason for it. You remember that it +was April and Passover was coming on; in fact, it began that night. The +great question was, Would we be able to keep it exactly according to the +host of rules to be obeyed? You who know all about the great holiday can +understand what the answer to that question meant to us. Think of all +the work and care and money it takes to supply a family with all the +things proper and necessary, and you will see that to supply a few +hundred was no small matter. Now, were they going to take care that all +was perfectly right, and could we trust them if they promised, or should +we be forced to break any of the laws that ruled the holiday? + +All day long there was talking and questioning and debating and +threatening that "we would rather starve than touch anything we were not +sure of." And we meant it. So some men and women went to the overseer to +let him know what he had to look out for. He assured them that he would +rather starve along with us than allow anything to be in the least +wrong. Still, there was more discussing and shaking of heads, for they +were not sure yet. + +There was not a crumb anywhere to be found, because what bread we +received was too precious for any of it to be wasted; but the women made +a great show of cleaning up Number Five, while they sighed and looked +sad and told one another of the good hard times they had at home getting +ready for Passover. Really, hard as it is, when one is used to it from +childhood, it seems part of the holiday, and can't be left out. To sit +down and wait for supper as on other nights seemed like breaking one of +the laws. So they tried hard to be busy. + +At night we were called by the overseer (who tried to look more +important than ever in his holiday clothes--not his best, though) to the +feast spread in one of the unoccupied rooms. We were ready for it, and +anxious enough. We had had neither bread nor matzo for dinner, and were +more hungry than ever, if that is possible. We now found everything +really prepared; there were the pillows covered with a snow-white +spread, new oilcloth on the newly scrubbed tables, some little candles +stuck in a basin of sand on the window-sill for the women, and--a sure +sign of a holiday--both gas lamps burning. Only one was used on other +nights. + +Happy to see these things, and smell the supper, we took our places and +waited. Soon the cook came in and filled some glasses with wine from two +bottles,--one yellow, one red. Then she gave to each person--exactly one +and a half matzos; also some cold meat, burned almost to a coal for the +occasion. + +The young man--bless him--who had the honor to perform the ceremonies, +was, fortunately for us all, one of the passengers. He felt for and with +us, and it happened--just a coincidence--that the greater part of the +ceremony escaped from his book as he turned the leaves. Though strictly +religious, nobody felt in the least guilty about it, especially on +account of the wine; for, when we came to the place where you have to +drink the wine, we found it tasted like good vinegar, which made us all +choke and gasp, and one little girl screamed "Poison!" so that all +laughed, and the leader, who tried to go on, broke down too at the sight +of the wry faces he saw; while the overseer looked shocked, the cook +nearly set her gown on fire by overthrowing the candles with her apron +(used to hide her face) and all wished our Master Overseer had to drink +that "wine" all his days. + +Think of the same ceremony as it is at home, then of this one just +described. Do they even resemble each other? + +Well, the leader got through amid much giggling and sly looks among the +girls who understood the trick, and frowns of the older people (who +secretly blessed him for it). Then, half hungry, all went to bed and +dreamed of food in plenty. + +No other dreams? Rather! For the day that brought the Passover brought +us--our own family--the most glorious news. We had been ordered to +bring our baggage to the office! + +"Ordered to bring our baggage to the office!" That meant nothing less +than that we were "going the next day!" + +It was just after supper that we received the welcome order. Oh, who +cared if there wasn't enough to eat? Who cared for anything in the whole +world? We didn't. It was all joy and gladness and happy anticipation for +us. We laughed, and cried, and hugged one another, and shouted, and +acted altogether like wild things. Yes, we were wild with joy, and long +after the rest were asleep, we were whispering together and wondering +how we could keep quiet the whole night. We couldn't sleep by any means, +we were so afraid of oversleeping the great hour; and every little +while, after we tried to sleep, one of us would suddenly think she saw +day at the window, and wake the rest, who also had only been pretending +to sleep while watching in the dark for daylight. + +When it came, it found no watchful eye, after all. The excitement gave +way to fatigue, and drowsiness first, then deep sleep, completed its +victory. It was eight o'clock when we awoke. The morning was cloudy and +chilly, the sun being too lazy to attend to business; now and then it +rained a little, too. And yet it was the most beautiful day that had +ever dawned on Hamburg. + +We enjoyed everything offered for breakfast, two matzos and two cups of +tea apiece--why it was a banquet. After it came the good-byes, as we +were going soon. As I told you before, the strangers became fast friends +in a short time under the circumstances, so there was real sorrow at the +partings, though the joy of the fortunate ones was, in a measure, shared +by all. + +About one o'clock (we didn't go to dinner--we couldn't eat for +excitement) we were called. There were three other families, an old +woman, and a young man, among the Jewish passengers, who were going with +us, besides some Polish people. We were all hurried through the door we +had watched with longing for so long, and were a little way from it when +the old woman stopped short and called on the rest to wait. + +"We haven't any matzo!" she cried in alarm. "Where's the overseer?" + +Sure enough we had forgotten it, when we might as well have left one of +us behind. We refused to go, calling for the overseer, who had promised +to supply us, and the man who had us in charge grew angry and said he +wouldn't wait. It was a terrible situation for us. + +"Oh," said the man, "you can go and get your matzo, but the boat won't +wait for you." And he walked off, followed by the Polish people only. + +We had to decide at once. We looked at the old woman. She said she +wasn't going to start on a dangerous journey with such a sin on her +soul. Then the children decided. They understood the matter. They cried +and begged to follow the party. And we did. + +Just when we reached the shore, the cook came up panting hard. She +brought us matzo. How relieved we were then! + +We got on a little steamer (the name is too big for it) that was managed +by our conductor alone. Before we had recovered from the shock of the +shrill whistle so near us, we were landing in front of a large stone +building. + +Once more we were under the command of the gendarme. We were ordered to +go into a big room crowded with people, and wait till the name of our +ship was called. Somebody in a little room called a great many queer +names, and many passengers answered the call. At last we heard, + +"Polynesia!" + +We passed in and a great many things were done to our tickets before we +were directed to go outside, then to a larger steamer than the one we +came in. At every step our tickets were either stamped or punched, or a +piece torn off of them, till we stepped upon the steamer's deck. Then we +were ordered below. It was dark there, and we didn't like it. In a +little while we were called up again, and then we saw before us the +great ship that was to carry us to America. + +I only remember, from that moment, that I had only one care till all +became quiet; not to lose hold of my sister's hand. Everything else can +be told in one word--noise. But when I look back, I can see what made +it. There were sailors dragging and hauling bundles and boxes from the +small boat into the great ship, shouting and thundering at their work. +There were officers giving out orders in loud voices, like trumpets, +though they seemed to make no effort. There were children crying, and +mothers hushing them, and fathers questioning the officers as to where +they should go. There were little boats and steamers passing all around, +shrieking and whistling terribly. And there seemed to be everything +under heaven that had any noise in it, come to help swell the confusion +of sounds. I know that, but how we ever got in that quiet place that had +the sign "For Families" over it, I don't know. I think we went around +and around, long and far, before we got there. + +But there we were, sitting quietly on a bench by the white berths. + +When the sailors brought our things, we got everything in order for the +journey as soon as possible, that we might go on deck to see the +starting. But first we had to obey a sailor, who told us to come and get +dishes. Each person received a plate, a spoon and a cup. I wondered how +we could get along if we had had no things of our own. + +For an hour or two more there were still many noises on deck, and many +preparations made. Then we went up, as most of the passengers did. + +What a change in the scene! Where there had been noise and confusion +before, peace and quiet were now. All the little boats and steamers had +disappeared, and the wharf was deserted. On deck the "Polynesia" +everything was in good order, and the officers walked about smoking +their cigars as if their work was done. Only a few sailors were at work +at the big ropes, but they didn't shout as before. The weather had +changed, too, for the twilight was unlike what the day had promised. The +sky was soft gray, with faint streaks of yellow on the horizon. The air +was still and pleasant, much warmer than it had been all the day; and +the water was as motionless and clear as a deep, cool well, and +everything was mirrored in it clearly. + +This entire change in the scene, the peace that encircled everything +around us, seemed to give all the same feeling that I know I had. I +fancied that nature created it especially for us, so that we would be +allowed, in this pause, to think of our situation. All seemed to do so; +all spoke in low voices, and seemed to be looking for something as they +gazed quietly into the smooth depths below, or the twilight skies above. +Were they seeking an assurance? Perhaps; for there was something strange +in the absence of a crowd of friends on the shore, to cheer and salute, +and fill the air with white clouds and last farewells. + +I found the assurance. The very stillness was a voice--nature's voice; +and it spoke to the ocean and said, + +"I entrust to you this vessel. Take care of it, for it bears my children +with it, from one strange shore to another more distant, where loving +friends are waiting to embrace them after long partings. Be gentle with +your charge." + +And the ocean, though seeming so still, replied, "I will obey my +mistress." + +I heard it all, and a feeling of safety and protection came to me. And +when at last the wheels overhead began to turn and clatter, and the +ripples on the water told us that the "Polynesia" had started on her +journey, which was not noticeable from any other sign, I felt only a +sense of happiness. I mistrusted nothing. + +But the old woman who remembered the matzo did, more than anybody else. +She made great preparations for being seasick, and poisoned the air with +garlic and onions. + +When the lantern fixed in the ceiling had been lighted, the captain and +the steward paid us a visit. They took up our tickets and noticed all +the passengers, then left. Then a sailor brought supper--bread and +coffee. Only a few ate it. Then all went to bed, though it was very +early. + +Nobody expected seasickness as soon as it seized us. All slept quietly +the whole night, not knowing any difference between being on land or at +sea. About five o'clock I woke up, and then I felt and heard the sea. A +very disagreeable smell came from it, and I knew it was disturbed by the +rocking of the ship. Oh, how wretched it made us! From side to side it +went rocking, rocking. Ugh! Many of the passengers are very sick indeed, +they suffer terribly. We are all awake now, and wonder if we, too, will +be so sick. Some children are crying, at intervals. There is nobody to +comfort them--all are so miserable. Oh, I am so sick! I'm dizzy; +everything is going round and round before my eyes--Oh-h-h! + +I can't even begin to tell of the suffering of the next few hours. Then +I thought I would feel better if I could go on deck. Somehow, I got down +(we had upper berths) and, supporting myself against the walls, I came +on deck. But it was worse. The green water, tossing up the white foam, +rocking all around, as far as I dared to look, was frightful to me then. +So I crawled back as well as I could, and nobody else tried to go out. + +By and by the doctor and the steward came. The doctor asked each +passenger if they were well, but only smiled when all begged for some +medicine to take away the dreadful suffering. To those who suffered from +anything besides seasickness he sent medicine and special food later +on. His companion appointed one of the men passengers for every twelve +or fifteen to carry the meals from the kitchen, giving them cards to get +it with. For our group a young German was appointed, who was making the +journey for the second time, with his mother and sister. We were great +friends with them during the journey. + +The doctor went away soon, leaving the sufferers in the same sad +condition. At twelve, a sailor announced that dinner was ready, and the +man brought it--large tin pails and basins of soup, meat, cabbage, +potatoes, and pudding (the last was allowed only once a week); and +almost all of it was thrown away, as only a few men ate. The rest +couldn't bear even the smell of food. It was the same with the supper at +six o'clock. At three milk had been brought for the babies, and brown +bread (a treat) with coffee for the rest. But after supper the daily +allowance of fresh water was brought, and this soon disappeared and more +called for, which was refused, although we lived on water alone for a +week. + +At last the day was gone, and much we had borne in it. Night came, but +brought little relief. Some did fall asleep, and forgot suffering for a +few hours. I was awake late. The ship was quieter, and everything sadder +than by daylight. I thought of all we had gone through till we had got +on board the "Polynesia"; of the parting from all friends and things we +loved, forever, as far as we knew; of the strange experience at various +strange places; of the kind friends who helped us, and the rough +officers who commanded us; of the quarantine, the hunger, then the happy +news, and the coming on board. Of all this I thought, and remembered +that we were far away from friends, and longed for them, that I might be +made well by speaking to them. And every minute was making the distance +between us greater, a meeting more impossible. Then I remembered why we +were crossing the ocean, and knew that it was worth the price. At last +the noise of the wheels overhead, and the dull roar of the sea, rocked +me to sleep. + +For a short time only. The ship was tossed about more than the day +before, and the great waves sounded like distant thunder as they beat +against it, and rolled across the deck and entered the cabin. We found, +however, that we were better, though very weak. We managed to go on deck +in the afternoon, when it was calm enough. A little band was playing, +and a few young sailors and German girls tried even to dance; but it was +impossible. + +As I sat in a corner where no waves could reach me, holding on to a +rope, I tried to take in the grand scene. There was the mighty ocean I +had heard of only, spreading out its rough breadth far, far around, its +waves giving out deep, angry tones, and throwing up walls of spray into +the air. There was the sky, like the sea, full of ridges of darkest +clouds, bending to meet the waves, and following their motions and +frowning and threatening. And there was the "Polynesia" in the midst of +this world of gloom, and anger, and distance. I saw these, but +indistinctly, not half comprehending the wonderful picture. For the +suffering had left me dull and tired out. I only knew that I was sad, +and everybody else was the same. + +Another day gone, and we congratulate one another that seasickness +lasted only one day with us. So we go to sleep. + +Oh, the sad mistake! For six days longer we remain in our berths, +miserable and unable to eat. It is a long fast, hardly interrupted, +during which we know that the weather is unchanged, the sky dark, the +sea stormy. + +On the eighth day out we are again able to be about. I went around +everywhere, exploring every corner, and learning much from the sailors; +but I never remembered the names of the various things I asked about, +they were so many, and some German names hard to learn. We all made +friends with the captain and other officers, and many of the passengers. +The little band played regularly on certain days, and the sailors and +girls had a good many dances, though often they were swept by a wave +across the deck, quite out of time. The children were allowed to play on +deck, but carefully watched. + +Still the weather continued the same, or changing slightly. But I was +able now to see all the grandeur of my surroundings, notwithstanding the +weather. + +Oh, what solemn thoughts I had! How deeply I felt the greatness, the +power of the scene! The immeasurable distance from horizon to horizon; +the huge billows forever changing their shapes--now only a wavy and +rolling plain, now a chain of great mountains, coming and going farther +away; then a town in the distance, perhaps, with spires and towers and +buildings of gigantic dimensions; and mostly a vast mass of uncertain +shapes, knocking against each other in fury, and seething and foaming in +their anger; the grey sky, with its mountains of gloomy clouds, flying, +moving with the waves, as it seemed, very near them; the absence of any +object besides the one ship; and the deep, solemn groans of the sea, +sounding as if all the voices of the world had been turned into sighs +and then gathered into that one mournful sound--so deeply did I feel the +presence of these things, that the feeling became one of awe, both +painful and sweet, and stirring and warming, and deep and calm and +grand. + +I thought of tempests and shipwreck, of lives lost, treasures destroyed, +and all the tales I had heard of the misfortunes at sea, and knew I had +never before had such a clear idea of them. I tried to realize that I +saw only a part of an immense whole, and then my feelings were terrible +in their force. I was afraid of thinking then, but could not stop it. My +mind would go on working, till I was overcome by the strength and power +that was greater than myself. What I did at such times I do not know. I +must have been dazed. + +After a while I could sit quietly and gaze far away. Then I would +imagine myself all alone on the ocean, and Robinson Crusoe was very real +to me. I was alone sometimes. I was aware of no human presence; I was +conscious only of sea and sky and something I did not understand. And as +I listened to its solemn voice, I felt as if I had found a friend, and +knew that I loved the ocean. It seemed as if it were within as well as +without, a part of myself; and I wondered how I had lived without it, +and if I could ever part with it. + +The ocean spoke to me in other besides mournful or angry tones. I loved +even the angry voice, but when it became soothing, I could hear a sweet, +gentle accent that reached my soul rather than my ear. Perhaps I +imagined it. I do not know. What was real and what imaginary blended in +one. But I heard and felt it, and at such moments I wished I could live +on the sea forever, and thought that the sight of land would be very +unwelcome to me. I did not want to be near any person. Alone with the +ocean forever--that was my wish. + +Leading a quiet life, the same every day, and thinking such thoughts, +feeling such emotions, the days were very long. I do not know how the +others passed the time, because I was so lost in my meditations. But +when the sky would smile for awhile--when a little sunlight broke a path +for itself through the heavy clouds, which disappeared as though +frightened; and when the sea looked more friendly, and changed its color +to match the heavens, which were higher up--then we would sit on deck +together, and laugh for mere happiness as we talked of the nearing +meeting, which the unusual fairness of the weather seemed to bring +nearer. Sometimes, at such minutes of sunshine and gladness, a few birds +would be seen making their swift journey to some point we did not know +of; sometimes among the light clouds, then almost touching the surface +of the waves. How shall I tell you what we felt at the sight? The birds +were like old friends to us, and brought back many memories, which +seemed very old, though really fresh. All felt sadder when the distance +became too great for us to see the dear little friends, though it was +not for a long time after their first appearance. We used to watch for +them, and often mistook the clouds for birds, and were thus +disappointed. When they did come, how envious we were of their wings! It +was a new thought to me that the birds had more power than man. + +In this way the days went by. I thought my thoughts each day, as I +watched the scene, hoping to see a beautiful sunset some day. I never +did, to my disappointment. And each night, as I lay in my berth, waiting +for sleep, I wished I might be able even to hope for the happiness of a +sea-voyage after this had been ended. + +Yet, when, on the twelfth day after leaving Hamburg, the captain +announced that we should see land before long, I rejoiced as much as +anybody else. We were so excited with expectation that nothing else was +heard but the talk of the happy arrival, now so near. Some were even +willing to stay up at night, to be the first ones to see the shores of +America. It was therefore a great disappointment when the captain said, +in the evening, that we would not reach Boston as soon as he expected, +on account of the weather. + +A dense fog set in at night, and grew heavier and heavier, until the +"Polynesia" was closely walled in by it, and we could just see from one +end of the deck to the other. The signal lanterns were put up, the +passengers were driven to their berths by the cold and damp, the cabin +doors closed, and discomfort reigned everywhere. + +But the excitement of the day had tired us out, and we were glad to +forget disappointment in sleep. In the morning it was still foggy, but +we could see a little way around. It was very strange to have the +boundless distance made so narrow, and I felt the strangeness of the +scene. All day long we shivered with cold, and hardly left the cabin. At +last it was night once more, and we in our berths. But nobody slept. + +The sea had been growing rougher during the day, and at night the ship +began to pitch as it did at the beginning of the journey. Then it grew +worse. Everything in our cabin was rolling on the floor, clattering and +dinning. Dishes were broken into little bits that flew about from one +end to the other. Bedding from upper berths nearly stifled the people in +the lower ones. Some fell out of their berths, but it was not at all +funny. As the ship turned to one side, the passengers were violently +thrown against that side of the berths, and some boards gave way and +clattered down to the floor. When it tossed on the other side, we could +see the little windows almost touch the water, and closed the shutters +to keep out the sight. The children cried, everybody groaned, and +sailors kept coming in to pick up the things on the floor and carry them +away. This made the confusion less, but not the alarm. + +Above all sounds rose the fog horn. It never stopped the long night +through. And oh, how sad it sounded! It pierced every heart, and made us +afraid. Now and then some ship, far away, would answer, like a weak +echo. Sometimes we noticed that the wheels were still, and we knew that +the ship had stopped. This frightened us more than ever, for we imagined +the worst reasons for it. + +It was day again, and a little calmer. We slept now, till the afternoon. +Then we saw that the fog had become much thinner, and later on we even +saw a ship, but indistinctly. + +Another night passed, and the day that followed was pretty fair, and +towards evening the sky was almost cloudless. The captain said we should +have no more rough weather, for now we were really near Boston. Oh, how +hard it was to wait for the happy day! Somebody brought the news that we +should land to-morrow in the afternoon. We didn't believe it, so he said +that the steward had ordered a great pudding full of raisins for supper +that day as a sure sign that it was the last on board. We remembered the +pudding, but didn't believe in its meaning. + +I don't think we slept that night. After all the suffering of our +journey, after seeing and hearing nothing but the sky and the sea and +its roaring, it was impossible to sleep when we thought that soon we +would see trees, fields, fresh people, animals--a world, and that world +America. Then, above everything, was the meeting with friends we had not +seen for years; for almost everybody had some friends awaiting them. + +Morning found all the passengers up and expectant. Someone questioned +the captain, and he said we would land to-morrow. There was another long +day, and another sleepless night, but when these ended at last, how busy +we were! First we packed up all the things we did not need, then put on +fresh clothing, and then went on deck to watch for land. It was almost +three o'clock, the hour the captain hoped to reach Boston, but there was +nothing new to be seen. The weather was fair, so we would have seen +anything within a number of miles. Anxiously we watched, and as we +talked of the strange delay, our courage began to give out with our +hope. When it could be borne no longer, a gentleman went to speak to the +captain. He was on the upper deck, examining the horizon. He put off the +arrival for the next day! + +You can imagine our feelings at this. When it was worse the captain came +down and talked so assuringly that, in spite of all the disappointments +we had had, we believed that this was the last, and were quite cheerful +when we went to bed. + +The morning was glorious. It was the eighth of May, the seventeenth day +after we left Hamburg. The sky was clear and blue, the sun shone +brightly, as if to congratulate us that we had safely crossed the stormy +sea; and to apologize for having kept away from us so long. The sea had +lost its fury; it was almost as quiet as it had been at Hamburg before +we started, and its color was a beautiful greenish blue. Birds were all +the time in the air, and it was worth while to live merely to hear their +songs. And soon, oh joyful sight! we saw the tops of two trees! + +What a shout there rose! Everyone pointed out the welcome sight to +everybody else, as if they did not see it. All eyes were fixed on it as +if they saw a miracle. And this was only the beginning of the joys of +the day! + +What confusion there was! Some were flying up the stairs to the upper +deck, some were tearing down to the lower one, others were running in +and out of the cabins, some were in all parts of the ship in one minute, +and all were talking and laughing and getting in somebody's way. Such +excitement, such joy! We had seen two trees! + +Then steamers and boats of all kinds passed by, in all directions. We +shouted, and the men stood up in the boats and returned the greeting, +waving their hats. We were as glad to see them as if they were old +friends of ours. + +Oh, what a beautiful scene! No corner of the earth is half so fair as +the lovely picture before us. It came to view suddenly,--a green field, +a real field with grass on it, and large houses, and the dearest hens +and little chickens in all the world, and trees, and birds, and people +at work. The young green things put new life into us, and are so dear +to our eyes that we dare not speak a word now, lest the magic should +vanish away and we should be left to the stormy scenes we know. + +But nothing disturbed the fairy sight. Instead, new scenes appeared, +beautiful as the first. The sky becomes bluer all the time, the sun +warmer; the sea is too quiet for its name, and the most beautiful blue +imaginable. + +What are the feelings these sights awaken! They can not be described. To +know how great was our happiness, how complete, how free from even the +shadow of a sadness, you must make a journey of sixteen days on a stormy +ocean. Is it possible that we will ever again be so happy? + +It was about three hours since we saw the first landmarks, when a number +of men came on board, from a little steamer, and examined the passengers +to see if they were properly vaccinated (we had been vaccinated on the +"Polynesia"), and pronounced everyone all right. Then they went away, +except one man who remained. An hour later we saw the wharves. + +Before the ship had fully stopped, the climax of our joy was reached. +One of us espied the figure and face we had longed to see for three long +years. In a moment five passengers on the "Polynesia" were crying, +"Papa," and gesticulating, and laughing, and hugging one another, and +going wild altogether. All the rest were roused by our excitement, and +came to see our father. He recognized us as soon as we him, and stood +apart on the wharf not knowing what to do, I thought. + +What followed was slow torture. Like mad things we ran about where there +was room, unable to stand still as long as we were on the ship and he on +shore. To have crossed the ocean only to come within a few yards of him, +unable to get nearer till all the fuss was over, was dreadful enough. +But to hear other passengers called who had no reason for hurry, while +we were left among the last, was unendurable. + +Oh, dear! Why can't we get off the hateful ship? Why can't papa come to +us? Why so many ceremonies at the landing? + +We said good-bye to our friends as their turn came, wishing we were in +their luck. To give us something else to think of, papa succeeded in +passing us some fruit; and we wondered to find it anything but a great +wonder, for we expected to find everything marvellous in the strange +country. + +Still the ceremonies went on. Each person was asked a hundred or so +stupid questions, and all their answers were written down by a very slow +man. The baggage had to be examined, the tickets, and a hundred other +things done before anyone was allowed to step ashore, all to keep us +back as long as possible. + +Now imagine yourself parting with all you love, believing it to be a +parting for life; breaking up your home, selling the things that years +have made dear to you; starting on a journey without the least +experience in travelling, in the face of many inconveniences on account +of the want of sufficient money; being met with disappointment where it +was not to be expected; with rough treatment everywhere, till you are +forced to go and make friends for yourself among strangers; being +obliged to sell some of your most necessary things to pay bills you did +not willingly incur; being mistrusted and searched, then half starved, +and lodged in common with a multitude of strangers; suffering the +miseries of seasickness, the disturbances and alarms of a stormy sea for +sixteen days; and then stand within, a few yards of him for whom you did +all this, unable to even speak to him easily. How do you feel? + +Oh, it's our turn at last! We are questioned, examined, and dismissed! A +rush over the planks on one side, over the ground on the other, six wild +beings cling to each other, bound by a common bond of tender joy, and +the long parting is at an END. + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of From Plotzk to Boston, by Mary Antin + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK FROM PLOTZK TO BOSTON *** + +***** This file should be named 20638.txt or 20638.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/0/6/3/20638/ + +Produced by Arie Tuinman and the Online Distributed +Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net (This file was +produced from images generously made available by The +Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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