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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Marriage and Love, by Emma Goldman
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Marriage and Love
+
+Author: Emma Goldman
+
+Release Date: March 1, 2007 [EBook #20715]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MARRIAGE AND LOVE ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Tamise Totterdell, Fritz Ohrenschall and the
+Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net
+(This book was produced from scanned images of public
+domain material from the Google Print project.)
+
+
+
+
+
+Marriage and Love
+
+BY
+
+EMMA GOLDMAN
+
+
+Price Ten Cents
+
+
+MOTHER EARTH PUBLISHING ASSOCIATION
+
+210 EAST 13th STREET, NEW YORK
+
+1911
+
+
+
+
+    AUTOBIOGRAPHY
+
+    OF
+
+    ALEXANDER BERKMAN
+
+    _A Unique Contribution to Socio-Psychological Literature_
+
+    THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY REPRESENTS THREE PHASES:
+
+      I) The Revolutionary Awakening and its Toll--The _Attentat_
+
+     II) The Allegheny Penitentiary: Fourteen Years in Purgatory
+
+    III) The Resurrection and After
+
+    _Price One Dollar Fifty_
+
+    Send Advance Subscription to
+
+    MOTHER EARTH PUBLISHING ASSOCIATION
+
+    210 EAST THIRTEENTH STREET
+
+    NEW YORK
+
+
+    THE BOOK IS NEARING COMPLETION AND WILL
+    BE ISSUED IN THE EARLY SPRING
+
+
+
+
+Marriage and Love
+
+BY
+
+EMMA GOLDMAN
+
+
+Price Ten Cents
+
+
+MOTHER EARTH PUBLISHING ASSOCIATION
+
+210 EAST 13th STREET, NEW YORK
+
+1911
+
+
+
+
+MARRIAGE AND LOVE
+
+
+The popular notion about marriage and love is that they are synonymous,
+that they spring from the same motives, and cover the same human needs.
+Like most popular notions this also rests not on actual facts, but on
+superstition.
+
+Marriage and love have nothing in common; they are as far apart as the
+poles; are, in fact, antagonistic to each other. No doubt some marriages
+have been the result of love. Not, however, because love could assert
+itself only in marriage; much rather is it because few people can
+completely outgrow a convention. There are today large numbers of men
+and women to whom marriage is naught but a farce, but who submit to it
+for the sake of public opinion. At any rate, while it is true that some
+marriages are based on love, and while it is equally true that in some
+cases love continues in married life, I maintain that it does so
+regardless of marriage, and not because of it.
+
+On the other hand, it is utterly false that love results from marriage.
+On rare occasions one does hear of a miraculous case of a married couple
+falling in love after marriage, but on close examination it will be
+found that it is a mere adjustment to the inevitable. Certainly the
+growing-used to each other is far away from the spontaneity, the
+intensity, and beauty of love, without which the intimacy of marriage
+must prove degrading to both the woman and the man.
+
+Marriage is primarily an economic arrangement, an insurance pact. It
+differs from the ordinary life insurance agreement only in that it is
+more binding, more exacting. Its returns are insignificantly small
+compared with the investments. In taking out an insurance policy one
+pays for it in dollars and cents, always at liberty to discontinue
+payments. If, however, woman's premium is a husband, she pays for it
+with her name, her privacy, her self-respect, her very life, "until
+death doth part." Moreover, the marriage insurance condemns her to
+life-long dependency, to parasitism, to complete uselessness, individual
+as well as social. Man, too, pays his toll, but as his sphere is wider,
+marriage does not limit him as much as woman. He feels his chains more
+in an economic sense.
+
+Thus Dante's motto over Inferno applies with equal force to marriage.
+"Ye who enter here leave all hope behind."
+
+That marriage is a failure none but the very stupid will deny. One has
+but to glance over the statistics of divorce to realize how bitter a
+failure marriage really is. Nor will the stereotyped Philistine argument
+that the laxity of divorce laws and the growing looseness of woman
+account for the fact that: first, every twelfth marriage ends in
+divorce; second, that since 1870 divorces have increased from 28 to 73
+for every hundred thousand population; third, that adultery, since 1867,
+as ground for divorce, has increased 270.8 per cent.; fourth, that
+desertion increased 369.8 per cent.
+
+Added to these startling figures is a vast amount of material, dramatic
+and literary, further elucidating this subject. Robert Herrick, in
+_Together_; Pinero, in _Mid-Channel_; Eugene Walter, in _Paid in Full_,
+and scores of other writers are discussing the barrenness, the monotony,
+the sordidness, the inadequacy of marriage as a factor for harmony and
+understanding.
+
+The thoughtful social student will not content himself with the popular
+superficial excuse for this phenomenon. He will have to dig down deeper
+into the very life of the sexes to know why marriage proves so
+disastrous.
+
+Edward Carpenter says that behind every marriage stands the life-long
+environment of the two sexes; an environment so different from each
+other that man and woman must remain strangers. Separated by an
+insurmountable wall of superstition, custom, and habit, marriage has not
+the potentiality of developing knowledge of, and respect for, each
+other, without which every union is doomed to failure.
+
+Henrik Ibsen, the hater of all social shams, was probably the first to
+realize this great truth. Nora leaves her husband, not--as the stupid
+critic would have it--because she is tired of her responsibilities or
+feels the need of woman's rights, but because she has come to know that
+for eight years she had lived with a stranger and borne him children.
+Can there be anything more humiliating, more degrading than a life-long
+proximity between two strangers? No need for the woman to know anything
+of the man, save his income. As to the knowledge of the woman--what is
+there to know except that she has a pleasing appearance? We have not yet
+outgrown the theologic myth that woman has no soul, that she is a mere
+appendix to man, made out of his rib just for the convenience of the
+gentleman who was so strong that he was afraid of his own shadow.
+
+Perchance the poor quality of the material whence woman comes is
+responsible for her inferiority. At any rate, woman has no soul--what is
+there to know about her? Besides, the less soul a woman has the greater
+her asset as a wife, the more readily will she absorb herself in her
+husband. It is this slavish acquiescence to man's superiority that has
+kept the marriage institution seemingly intact for so long a period. Now
+that woman is coming into her own, now that she is actually growing
+aware of herself as a being outside of the master's grace, the sacred
+institution of marriage is gradually being undermined, and no amount of
+sentimental lamentation can stay it.
+
+From infancy, almost, the average girl is told that marriage is her
+ultimate goal; therefore her training and education must be directed
+towards that end. Like the mute beast fattened for slaughter, she is
+prepared for that. Yet, strange to say, she is allowed to know much less
+about her function as wife and mother than the ordinary artisan of his
+trade. It is indecent and filthy for a respectable girl to know anything
+of the marital relation. Oh, for the inconsistency of respectability,
+that needs the marriage vow to turn something which is filthy into the
+purest and most sacred arrangement that none dare question or criticize.
+Yet that is exactly the attitude of the average upholder of marriage.
+The prospective wife and mother is kept in complete ignorance of her
+only asset in the competitive field--sex. Thus she enters into life-long
+relations with a man only to find herself shocked, repelled, outraged
+beyond measure by the most natural and healthy instinct, sex. It is safe
+to say that a large percentage of the unhappiness, misery, distress, and
+physical suffering of matrimony is due to the criminal ignorance in sex
+matters that is being extolled as a great virtue. Nor is it at all an
+exaggeration when I say that more than one home has been broken up
+because of this deplorable fact.
+
+
+If, however, woman is free and big enough to learn the mystery of sex
+without the sanction of State or Church, she will stand condemned as
+utterly unfit to become the wife of a "good" man, his goodness
+consisting of an empty brain and plenty of money. Can there be anything
+more outrageous than the idea that a healthy, grown woman, full of life
+and passion, must deny nature's demand, must subdue her most intense
+craving, undermine her health and break her spirit, must stunt her
+vision, abstain from the depth and glory of sex experience until a
+"good" man comes along to take her unto himself as a wife? That is
+precisely what marriage means. How can such an arrangement end except in
+failure? This is one, though not the least important, factor of
+marriage, which differentiates it from love.
+
+Ours is a practical age. The time when Romeo and Juliet risked the wrath
+of their fathers for love, when Gretchen exposed herself to the gossip
+of her neighbors for love, is no more. If, on rare occasions, young
+people allow themselves the luxury of romance, they are taken in care by
+the elders, drilled and pounded until they become "sensible."
+
+The moral lesson instilled in the girl is not whether the man has
+aroused her love, but rather is it, "How much?" The important and only
+God of practical American life: Can the man make a living? can he
+support a wife? That is the only thing that justifies marriage.
+Gradually this saturates every thought of the girl; her dreams are not
+of moonlight and kisses, of laughter and tears; she dreams of shopping
+tours and bargain counters. This soul poverty and sordidness are the
+elements inherent in the marriage institution. The State and the Church
+approve of no other ideal, simply because it is the one that
+necessitates the State and Church control of men and women.
+
+Doubtless there are people who continue to consider love above dollars
+and cents. Particularly is this true of that class whom economic
+necessity has forced to become self-supporting. The tremendous change in
+woman's position, wrought by that mighty factor, is indeed phenomenal
+when we reflect that it is but a short time since she has entered the
+industrial arena. Six million women wage workers; six million women, who
+have the equal right with men to be exploited, to be robbed, to go on
+strike; aye, to starve even. Anything more, my lord? Yes, six million
+wage workers in every walk of life, from the highest brain work to the
+mines and railroad tracks; yes, even detectives and policemen. Surely
+the emancipation is complete.
+
+Yet with all that, but a very small number of the vast army of women
+wage workers look upon work as a permanent issue, in the same light as
+does man. No matter how decrepit the latter, he has been taught to be
+independent, self-supporting. Oh, I know that no one is really
+independent in our economic treadmill; still, the poorest specimen of a
+man hates to be a parasite; to be known as such, at any rate.
+
+The woman considers her position as worker transitory, to be thrown
+aside for the first bidder. That is why it is infinitely harder to
+organize women than men. "Why should I join a union? I am going to get
+married, to have a home." Has she not been taught from infancy to look
+upon that as her ultimate calling? She learns soon enough that the home,
+though not so large a prison as the factory, has more solid doors and
+bars. It has a keeper so faithful that naught can escape him. The most
+tragic part, however, is that the home no longer frees her from wage
+slavery; it only increases her task.
+
+According to the latest statistics submitted before a Committee "on
+labor and wages, and congestion of population," ten per cent. of the
+wage workers in New York City alone are married, yet they must continue
+to work at the most poorly paid labor in the world. Add to this horrible
+aspect the drudgery of housework, and what remains of the protection and
+glory of the home? As a matter of fact, even the middle-class girl in
+marriage can not speak of her home, since it is the man who creates her
+sphere. It is not important whether the husband is a brute or a
+darling. What I wish to prove is that marriage guarantees woman a home
+only by the grace of her husband. There she moves about in _his_ home,
+year after year, until her aspect of life and human affairs becomes as
+flat, narrow, and drab as her surroundings. Small wonder if she becomes
+a nag, petty, quarrelsome, gossipy, unbearable, thus driving the man
+from the house. She could not go, if she wanted to; there is no place to
+go. Besides, a short period of married life, of complete surrender of
+all faculties, absolutely incapacitates the average woman for the
+outside world. She becomes reckless in appearance, clumsy in her
+movements, dependent in her decisions, cowardly in her judgment, a
+weight and a bore, which most men grow to hate and despise. Wonderfully
+inspiring atmosphere for the bearing of life, is it not?
+
+But the child, how is it to be protected, if not for marriage? After
+all, is not that the most important consideration? The sham, the
+hypocrisy of it! Marriage protecting the child, yet thousands of
+children destitute and homeless. Marriage protecting the child, yet
+orphan asylums and reformatories overcrowded, the Society for the
+Prevention of Cruelty to Children keeping busy in rescuing the little
+victims from "loving" parents, to place them under more loving care, the
+Gerry Society. Oh, the mockery of it!
+
+Marriage may have the power to bring the horse to water, but has it ever
+made him drink? The law will place the father under arrest, and put him
+in convict's clothes; but has that ever stilled the hunger of the child?
+If the parent has no work, or if he hides his identity, what does
+marriage do then? It invokes the law to bring the man to "justice," to
+put him safely behind closed doors; his labor, however, goes not to the
+child, but to the State. The child receives but a blighted memory of its
+father's stripes.
+
+As to the protection of the woman,--therein lies the curse of marriage.
+Not that it really protects her, but the very idea is so revolting, such
+an outrage and insult on life, so degrading to human dignity, as to
+forever condemn this parasitic institution.
+
+It is like that other paternal arrangement--capitalism. It robs man of
+his birthright, stunts his growth, poisons his body, keeps him in
+ignorance, in poverty, and dependence, and then institutes charities
+that thrive on the last vestige of man's self-respect.
+
+The institution of marriage makes a parasite of woman, an absolute
+dependent. It incapacitates her for life's struggle, annihilates her
+social consciousness, paralyzes her imagination, and then imposes its
+gracious protection, which is in reality a snare, a travesty on human
+character.
+
+If motherhood is the highest fulfillment of woman's nature, what other
+protection does it need, save love and freedom? Marriage but defiles,
+outrages, and corrupts her fulfillment. Does it not say to woman, Only
+when you follow me shall you bring forth life? Does it not condemn her
+to the block, does it not degrade and shame her if she refuses to buy
+her right to motherhood by selling herself? Does not marriage only
+sanction motherhood, even though conceived in hatred, in compulsion?
+Yet, if motherhood be of free choice, of love, of ecstasy, of defiant
+passion, does it not place a crown of thorns upon an innocent head and
+carve in letters of blood the hideous epithet, Bastard? Were marriage to
+contain all the virtues claimed for it, its crimes against motherhood
+would exclude it forever from the realm of love.
+
+
+Love, the strongest and deepest element in all life, the harbinger of
+hope, of joy, of ecstasy; love, the defier of all laws, of all
+conventions; love, the freest, the most powerful moulder of human
+destiny; how can such an all-compelling force be synonymous with that
+poor little State and Church-begotten weed, marriage?
+
+
+Free love? As if love is anything but free! Man has bought brains, but
+all the millions in the world have failed to buy love. Man has subdued
+bodies, but all the power on earth has been unable to subdue love. Man
+has conquered whole nations, but all his armies could not conquer love.
+Man has chained and fettered the spirit, but he has been utterly
+helpless before love. High on a throne, with all the splendor and pomp
+his gold can command, man is yet poor and desolate, if love passes him
+by. And if it stays, the poorest hovel is radiant with warmth, with life
+and color. Thus love has the magic power to make of a beggar a king.
+Yes, love is free; it can dwell in no other atmosphere. In freedom it
+gives itself unreservedly, abundantly, completely. All the laws on the
+statutes, all the courts in the universe, cannot tear it from the soil,
+once love has taken root. If, however, the soil is sterile, how can
+marriage make it bear fruit? It is like the last desperate struggle of
+fleeting life against death.
+
+Love needs no protection; it is its own protection. So long as love
+begets life no child is deserted, or hungry, or famished for the want of
+affection. I know this to be true. I know women who became mothers in
+freedom by the men they loved. Few children in wedlock enjoy the care,
+the protection, the devotion free motherhood is capable of bestowing.
+
+
+The defenders of authority dread the advent of a free motherhood, lest
+it will rob them of their prey. Who would fight wars? Who would create
+wealth? Who would make the policeman, the jailer, if woman were to
+refuse the indiscriminate breeding of children? The race, the race!
+shouts the king, the president, the capitalist, the priest. The race
+must be preserved, though woman be degraded to a mere machine,--and the
+marriage institution is our only safety valve against the pernicious sex
+awakening of woman. But in vain these frantic efforts to maintain a
+state of bondage. In vain, too, the edicts of the Church, the mad
+attacks of rulers, in vain even the arm of the law. Woman no longer
+wants to be a party to the production of a race of sickly, feeble,
+decrepit, wretched human beings, who have neither the strength nor moral
+courage to throw off the yoke of poverty and slavery. Instead she
+desires fewer and better children, begotten and reared in love and
+through free choice; not by compulsion, as marriage imposes. Our
+pseudo-moralists have yet to learn the deep sense of responsibility
+toward the child, that love in freedom has awakened in the breast of
+woman. Rather would she forego forever the glory of motherhood than
+bring forth life in an atmosphere that breathes only destruction and
+death. And if she does become a mother, it is to give to the child the
+deepest and best her being can yield. To grow with the child is her
+motto; she knows that in that manner alone can she help build true
+manhood and womanhood.
+
+
+Ibsen must have had a vision of a free mother, when, with a master
+stroke, he portrayed Mrs. Alving. She was the ideal mother because she
+had outgrown marriage and all its horrors, because she had broken her
+chains, and set her spirit free to soar until it returned a personality,
+regenerated and strong. Alas, it was too late to rescue her life's joy,
+her Oswald; but not too late to realize that love in freedom is the only
+condition of a beautiful life. Those who, like Mrs. Alving, have paid
+with blood and tears for their spiritual awakening, repudiate marriage
+as an imposition, a shallow, empty mockery. They know, whether love last
+but one brief span of time or for eternity, it is the only creative,
+inspiring, elevating basis for a new race, a new world.
+
+
+In our present pygmy state love is indeed a stranger to most people.
+Misunderstood and shunned, it rarely takes root; or if it does, it soon
+withers and dies. Its delicate fiber can not endure the stress and
+strain of the daily grind. Its soul is too complex to adjust itself to
+the slimy woof of our social fabric. It weeps and moans and suffers with
+those who have need of it, yet lack the capacity to rise to love's
+summit.
+
+Some day, some day men and women will rise, they will reach the mountain
+peak, they will meet big and strong and free, ready to receive, to
+partake, and to bask in the golden rays of love. What fancy, what
+imagination, what poetic genius can foresee even approximately the
+potentialities of such a force in the life of men and women. If the
+world is ever to give birth to true companionship and oneness, not
+marriage, but love will be the parent.
+
+
+
+
+    THE ONLY ANARCHIST MONTHLY IN AMERICA
+
+    MOTHER EARTH
+
+    ĥA revolutionary literary magazine devoted to
+    Anarchist thought in sociology, economics, education,
+    and life.
+
+    ĥArticles by leading Anarchists and radical
+    thinkers.--International Notes giving a summary
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+    countries.--Reviews of modern books and the
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+
+
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+
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+    210 EAST THIRTEENTH STREET
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+    NEW YORK
+
+
+    Bound Volumes 1906-1911, Two Dollars per Volume
+
+
+
+
+    MOTHER EARTH SERIES
+
+    Patriotism                                 Emma Goldman  5c.
+
+    What I Believe                             Emma Goldman  5c.
+
+    Psychology of Political Violence           Emma Goldman 10c.
+
+    Anarchism: What It Really Stands For.      Emma Goldman 10c.
+
+    Marriage and Love                          Emma Goldman 10c.
+
+    Anarchy Versus Socialism                William C. Owen  5c.
+
+    What Is Worth While?                   Adeline Champney  5c.
+
+    The Right to Disbelieve                       Edwin Kuh  5c.
+
+    Anarchism and American Traditions  Voltairine de Cleyre  5c.
+
+    The Dominant Idea                  Voltairine de Cleyre  5c.
+
+    Anarchism and Malthus                       C. L. James  5c.
+
+    The Modern School                     Francisco Ferrer   5c.
+
+
+
+
+    NOW READY!
+
+    Anarchism and Other Essays
+
+    EMMA GOLDMAN'S BOOK
+
+    A series of essays comprising a thorough critique
+    of existing social institutions and conditions, and
+    giving a comprehensive view of the author's opinions on
+    matters educational, sexual, economic, political, and social.
+
+    CONTENTS
+
+    1. Anarchism: What It Really Stands For.
+
+    2. Minorities versus Majorities.
+
+    3. The Psychology of Political Violence.
+
+    4. Prisons: A Social Crime and Failure.
+
+    5. Patriotism: A Menace to Liberty.
+
+    6. Francisco Ferrer and The Modern School.
+
+    7. The Hypocrisy of Puritanism.
+
+    8. The Traffic in Women.
+
+    9. Woman Suffrage.
+
+    10. The Tragedy of Woman's Emancipation.
+
+    11. Marriage and Love.
+
+    12. The Modern Drama: A Powerful Disseminator of Radical Thought.
+
+    A biographic sketch of Emma Goldman's interesting
+    career, with splendid portrait, is included
+    in the book.
+
+    Orders are to be sent, with cash, to
+
+    MOTHER EARTH, 210 E. 13th St., New York, N. Y.
+
+    Price, $1.00. By Mail, $1.10
+
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+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Marriage and Love, by Emma Goldman
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+  <head>
+    <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" />
+    <title>
+      The Project Gutenberg eBook of Marriage and Love, by Emma Goldman.
+    </title>
+    <style type="text/css">
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+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Marriage and Love, by Emma Goldman
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Marriage and Love
+
+Author: Emma Goldman
+
+Release Date: March 1, 2007 [EBook #20715]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MARRIAGE AND LOVE ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Tamise Totterdell, Fritz Ohrenschall and the
+Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net
+(This book was produced from scanned images of public
+domain material from the Google Print project.)
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+<h1 class="title">Marriage and Love</h1>
+
+<p class="title"><img src="images/front-dec.png" alt="Text decoration" /></p>
+
+<h3>BY</h3>
+
+<h2>EMMA GOLDMAN</h2>
+
+<hr />
+
+<p class="center">Price Ten Cents</p>
+
+<hr />
+
+<p class="center">MOTHER EARTH PUBLISHING ASSOCIATION</p>
+
+<p class="center">210 EAST 13th STREET, NEW YORK</p>
+
+<p class="center">1911</p>
+
+<div class="ad">
+
+<h2>AUTOBIOGRAPHY</h2>
+
+<p class="center">OF</p>
+
+<p class="center">ALEXANDER BERKMAN</p>
+
+<p class="underline"><i>A Unique Contribution to
+Socio-Psychological Literature</i></p>
+
+<p class="center">THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY REPRESENTS THREE
+PHASES:</p>
+
+<div class="center">
+
+<ol class="roman">
+<li>The Revolutionary Awakening and its Toll&mdash;The <i>Attentat</i></li>
+<li>The Allegheny Penitentiary: Fourteen Years in Purgatory</li>
+<li>The Resurrection and After</li>
+</ol>
+
+</div>
+
+<p class="padded"><i>Price One Dollar Fifty</i></p>
+
+<p class="center">Send Advance Subscription to</p>
+
+<p class="center"><span class="smcap">Mother Earth Publishing Association</span></p>
+
+<p class="center">210 <span class="smcap">East Thirteenth Street</span></p>
+
+<p class="center"><span class="smcap">New York</span></p>
+
+<hr />
+
+<p class="center">THE BOOK IS NEARING COMPLETION AND WILL
+BE ISSUED IN THE EARLY SPRING</p>
+
+</div>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[1]</a></span></p>
+
+<h1 class="title">Marriage and Love</h1>
+
+<p class="title"><img src="images/front-dec.png" alt="Text decoration" /></p>
+
+<h3>BY</h3>
+
+<h2>EMMA GOLDMAN</h2>
+
+<hr />
+
+<p class="center">Price Ten Cents</p>
+
+<hr />
+
+<p class="center">MOTHER EARTH PUBLISHING ASSOCIATION</p>
+
+<p class="center">210 EAST 13th STREET, NEW YORK</p>
+
+<p class="center">1911</p>
+
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span></p>
+
+<h2 class="padded">MARRIAGE AND LOVE</h2>
+<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>The popular notion about marriage and love is that
+they are synonymous, that they spring from the same
+motives, and cover the same human needs. Like most
+popular notions this also rests not on actual facts, but
+on superstition.</p>
+
+<p>Marriage and love have nothing in common; they
+are as far apart as the poles; are, in fact, antagonistic
+to each other. No doubt some marriages have been
+the result of love. Not, however, because love could
+assert itself only in marriage; much rather is it because
+few people can completely outgrow a convention.
+There are today large numbers of men and
+women to whom marriage is naught but a farce, but
+who submit to it for the sake of public opinion. At
+any rate, while it is true that some marriages are based
+on love, and while it is equally true that in some cases
+love continues in married life, I maintain that it does
+so regardless of marriage, and not because of it.</p>
+
+<p>On the other hand, it is utterly false that love
+results from marriage. On rare occasions one does
+hear of a miraculous case of a married couple falling
+in love after marriage, but on close examination it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span>
+will be found that it is a mere adjustment to the
+inevitable. Certainly the growing-used to each other
+is far away from the spontaneity, the intensity, and
+beauty of love, without which the intimacy of marriage
+must prove degrading to both the woman and
+the man.</p>
+
+<p>Marriage is primarily an economic arrangement,
+an insurance pact. It differs from the ordinary life
+insurance agreement only in that it is more binding,
+more exacting. Its returns are insignificantly small
+compared with the investments. In taking out an
+insurance policy one pays for it in dollars and cents,
+always at liberty to discontinue payments. If, however,
+woman's premium is a husband, she pays for it
+with her name, her privacy, her self-respect, her very
+life, "until death doth part." Moreover, the marriage
+insurance condemns her to life-long dependency, to
+parasitism, to complete uselessness, individual as well
+as social. Man, too, pays his toll, but as his sphere is
+wider, marriage does not limit him as much as woman.
+He feels his chains more in an economic sense.</p>
+
+<p>Thus Dante's motto over Inferno applies with
+equal force to marriage. "Ye who enter here leave all
+hope behind."</p>
+
+<p>That marriage is a failure none but the very
+stupid will deny. One has but to glance over the
+statistics of divorce to realize how bitter a failure
+marriage really is. Nor will the stereotyped Philistine
+argument that the laxity of divorce laws and the
+growing looseness of woman account for the fact that:
+first, every twelfth marriage ends in divorce; second,
+that since 1870 divorces have increased from 28 to 73<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span>
+for every hundred thousand population; third, that
+adultery, since 1867, as ground for divorce, has increased
+270.8 per cent.; fourth, that desertion increased
+369.8 per cent.</p>
+
+<p>Added to these startling figures is a vast amount of
+material, dramatic and literary, further elucidating
+this subject. Robert Herrick, in <i>Together</i>; Pinero, in
+<i>Mid-Channel</i>; Eugene Walter, in <i>Paid in Full</i>, and
+scores of other writers are discussing the barrenness,
+the monotony, the sordidness, the inadequacy of marriage
+as a factor for harmony and understanding.</p>
+
+<p>The thoughtful social student will not content himself
+with the popular superficial excuse for this phenomenon.
+He will have to dig down deeper into the
+very life of the sexes to know why marriage proves
+so disastrous.</p>
+
+<p>Edward Carpenter says that behind every marriage
+stands the life-long environment of the two sexes; an
+environment so different from each other that man
+and woman must remain strangers. Separated by
+an insurmountable wall of superstition, custom, and
+habit, marriage has not the potentiality of developing
+knowledge of, and respect for, each other, without
+which every union is doomed to failure.</p>
+
+<p>Henrik Ibsen, the hater of all social shams, was
+probably the first to realize this great truth. Nora
+leaves her husband, not&mdash;as the stupid critic would
+have it&mdash;because she is tired of her responsibilities or
+feels the need of woman's rights, but because she has
+come to know that for eight years she had lived with a
+stranger and borne him children. Can there be anything
+more humiliating, more degrading than a life-<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span>long
+proximity between two strangers? No need for
+the woman to know anything of the man, save his income.
+As to the knowledge of the woman&mdash;what is
+there to know except that she has a pleasing appearance?
+We have not yet outgrown the theologic myth
+that woman has no soul, that she is a mere appendix to
+man, made out of his rib just for the convenience of
+the gentleman who was so strong that he was afraid
+of his own shadow.</p>
+
+<p>Perchance the poor quality of the material whence
+woman comes is responsible for her inferiority. At
+any rate, woman has no soul&mdash;what is there to know
+about her? Besides, the less soul a woman has the
+greater her asset as a wife, the more readily will she
+absorb herself in her husband. It is this slavish acquiescence
+to man's superiority that has kept the marriage
+institution seemingly intact for so long a period.
+Now that woman is coming into her own, now that
+she is actually growing aware of herself as a being
+outside of the master's grace, the sacred institution of
+marriage is gradually being undermined, and no
+amount of sentimental lamentation can stay it.</p>
+
+<p>From infancy, almost, the average girl is told that
+marriage is her ultimate goal; therefore her training
+and education must be directed towards that end.
+Like the mute beast fattened for slaughter, she is prepared
+for that. Yet, strange to say, she is allowed to
+know much less about her function as wife and mother
+than the ordinary artisan of his trade. It is indecent
+and filthy for a respectable girl to know anything of
+the marital relation. Oh, for the inconsistency of
+respectability, that needs the marriage vow to turn<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span>
+something which is filthy into the purest and most
+sacred arrangement that none dare question or criticize.
+Yet that is exactly the attitude of the average upholder
+of marriage. The prospective wife and mother
+is kept in complete ignorance of her only asset in the
+competitive field&mdash;sex. Thus she enters into life-long
+relations with a man only to find herself shocked, repelled,
+outraged beyond measure by the most natural
+and healthy instinct, sex. It is safe to say that a large
+percentage of the unhappiness, misery, distress, and
+physical suffering of matrimony is due to the criminal
+ignorance in sex matters that is being extolled as a
+great virtue. Nor is it at all an exaggeration when I
+say that more than one home has been broken up because
+of this deplorable fact.</p>
+
+<p class="top">If, however, woman is free and big enough to learn
+the mystery of sex without the sanction of State or
+Church, she will stand condemned as utterly unfit to
+become the wife of a "good" man, his goodness consisting
+of an empty brain and plenty of money. Can
+there be anything more outrageous than the idea that
+a healthy, grown woman, full of life and passion, must
+deny nature's demand, must subdue her most intense
+craving, undermine her health and break her spirit,
+must stunt her vision, abstain from the depth and glory
+of sex experience until a "good" man comes along to
+take her unto himself as a wife? That is precisely
+what marriage means. How can such an arrangement
+end except in failure? This is one, though not the
+least important, factor of marriage, which differentiates
+it from love.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Ours is a practical age. The time when Romeo
+and Juliet risked the wrath of their fathers for love,
+when Gretchen exposed herself to the gossip of her
+neighbors for love, is no more. If, on rare occasions,
+young people allow themselves the luxury of romance,
+they are taken in care by the elders, drilled and
+pounded until they become "sensible."</p>
+
+<p>The moral lesson instilled in the girl is not whether
+the man has aroused her love, but rather is it, "How
+much?" The important and only God of practical
+American life: Can the man make a living? can he
+support a wife? That is the only thing that justifies
+marriage. Gradually this saturates every thought of
+the girl; her dreams are not of moonlight and kisses,
+of laughter and tears; she dreams of shopping tours
+and bargain counters. This soul poverty and sordidness
+are the elements inherent in the marriage institution.
+The State and the Church approve of no other
+ideal, simply because it is the one that necessitates the
+State and Church control of men and women.</p>
+
+<p>Doubtless there are people who continue to consider
+love above dollars and cents. Particularly is this
+true of that class whom economic necessity has forced
+to become self-supporting. The tremendous change in
+woman's position, wrought by that mighty factor, is
+indeed phenomenal when we reflect that it is but a
+short time since she has entered the industrial arena.
+Six million women wage workers; six million women,
+who have the equal right with men to be exploited, to
+be robbed, to go on strike; aye, to starve even. Anything
+more, my lord? Yes, six million wage workers
+in every walk of life, from the highest brain work to<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span>
+the mines and railroad tracks; yes, even detectives
+and policemen. Surely the emancipation is complete.</p>
+
+<p>Yet with all that, but a very small number of the
+vast army of women wage workers look upon work
+as a permanent issue, in the same light as does man.
+No matter how decrepit the latter, he has been taught
+to be independent, self-supporting. Oh, I know that
+no one is really independent in our economic treadmill;
+still, the poorest specimen of a man hates to be a parasite;
+to be known as such, at any rate.</p>
+
+<p>The woman considers her position as worker transitory,
+to be thrown aside for the first bidder. That
+is why it is infinitely harder to organize women than
+men. "Why should I join a union? I am going to get
+married, to have a home." Has she not been taught
+from infancy to look upon that as her ultimate calling?
+She learns soon enough that the home, though not so
+large a prison as the factory, has more solid doors
+and bars. It has a keeper so faithful that naught can
+escape him. The most tragic part, however, is that the
+home no longer frees her from wage slavery; it only
+increases her task.</p>
+
+<p>According to the latest statistics submitted before
+a Committee "on labor and wages, and congestion of
+population," ten per cent. of the wage workers in New
+York City alone are married, yet they must continue
+to work at the most poorly paid labor in the world.
+Add to this horrible aspect the drudgery of housework,
+and what remains of the protection and glory of the
+home? As a matter of fact, even the middle-class girl
+in marriage can not speak of her home, since it is the
+man who creates her sphere. It is not important<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span>
+whether the husband is a brute or a darling. What I
+wish to prove is that marriage guarantees woman a
+home only by the grace of her husband. There she
+moves about in <i>his</i> home, year after year, until her
+aspect of life and human affairs becomes as flat, narrow,
+and drab as her surroundings. Small wonder if
+she becomes a nag, petty, quarrelsome, gossipy, unbearable,
+thus driving the man from the house. She
+could not go, if she wanted to; there is no place to go.
+Besides, a short period of married life, of complete
+surrender of all faculties, absolutely incapacitates the
+average woman for the outside world. She becomes
+reckless in appearance, clumsy in her movements, dependent
+in her decisions, cowardly in her judgment, a
+weight and a bore, which most men grow to hate and
+despise. Wonderfully inspiring atmosphere for the
+bearing of life, is it not?</p>
+
+<p>But the child, how is it to be protected, if not for
+marriage? After all, is not that the most important
+consideration? The sham, the hypocrisy of it! Marriage
+protecting the child, yet thousands of children
+destitute and homeless. Marriage protecting the child,
+yet orphan asylums and reformatories overcrowded, the
+Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children keeping
+busy in rescuing the little victims from "loving"
+parents, to place them under more loving care, the
+Gerry Society. Oh, the mockery of it!</p>
+
+<p>Marriage may have the power to bring the horse
+to water, but has it ever made him drink? The law
+will place the father under arrest, and put him in convict's
+clothes; but has that ever stilled the hunger of
+the child? If the parent has no work, or if he hides<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span>
+his identity, what does marriage do then? It invokes
+the law to bring the man to "justice," to put him safely
+behind closed doors; his labor, however, goes not to
+the child, but to the State. The child receives but a
+blighted memory of its father's stripes.</p>
+
+<p>As to the protection of the woman,&mdash;therein lies
+the curse of marriage. Not that it really protects her,
+but the very idea is so revolting, such an outrage and
+insult on life, so degrading to human dignity, as to
+forever condemn this parasitic institution.</p>
+
+<p>It is like that other paternal arrangement&mdash;capitalism.
+It robs man of his birthright, stunts his growth,
+poisons his body, keeps him in ignorance, in poverty,
+and dependence, and then institutes charities that
+thrive on the last vestige of man's self-respect.</p>
+
+<p>The institution of marriage makes a parasite of
+woman, an absolute dependent. It incapacitates her
+for life's struggle, annihilates her social consciousness,
+paralyzes her imagination, and then imposes its gracious
+protection, which is in reality a snare, a travesty
+on human character.</p>
+
+<p>If motherhood is the highest fulfillment of woman's
+nature, what other protection does it need, save love
+and freedom? Marriage but defiles, outrages, and
+corrupts her fulfillment. Does it not say to woman,
+Only when you follow me shall you bring forth life?
+Does it not condemn her to the block, does it not degrade
+and shame her if she refuses to buy her right to
+motherhood by selling herself? Does not marriage
+only sanction motherhood, even though conceived in
+hatred, in compulsion? Yet, if motherhood be of free
+choice, of love, of ecstasy, of defiant passion, does it<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span>
+not place a crown of thorns upon an innocent head
+and carve in letters of blood the hideous epithet, Bastard?
+Were marriage to contain all the virtues claimed
+for it, its crimes against motherhood would exclude
+it forever from the realm of love.</p>
+
+<p class="top">Love, the strongest and deepest element in all life,
+the harbinger of hope, of joy, of ecstasy; love, the
+defier of all laws, of all conventions; love, the freest,
+the most powerful moulder of human destiny; how can
+such an all-compelling force be synonymous with that
+poor little State and Church-begotten weed, marriage?</p>
+
+<p class="top">Free love? As if love is anything but free! Man
+has bought brains, but all the millions in the world
+have failed to buy love. Man has subdued bodies, but
+all the power on earth has been unable to subdue love.
+Man has conquered whole nations, but all his armies
+could not conquer love. Man has chained and fettered
+the spirit, but he has been utterly helpless before
+love. High on a throne, with all the splendor and
+pomp his gold can command, man is yet poor and
+desolate, if love passes him by. And if it stays, the
+poorest hovel is radiant with warmth, with life and
+color. Thus love has the magic power to make of a
+beggar a king. Yes, love is free; it can dwell in no
+other atmosphere. In freedom it gives itself unreservedly,
+abundantly, completely. All the laws on
+the statutes, all the courts in the universe, cannot tear
+it from the soil, once love has taken root. If, however,
+the soil is sterile, how can marriage make it bear fruit?
+It is like the last desperate struggle of fleeting life
+against death.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Love needs no protection; it is its own protection.
+So long as love begets life no child is deserted, or
+hungry, or famished for the want of affection. I
+know this to be true. I know women who became
+mothers in freedom by the men they loved. Few
+children in wedlock enjoy the care, the protection,
+the devotion free motherhood is capable of bestowing.</p>
+
+<p class="top">The defenders of authority dread the advent of a
+free motherhood, lest it will rob them of their prey.
+Who would fight wars? Who would create wealth?
+Who would make the policeman, the jailer, if woman
+were to refuse the indiscriminate breeding of children?
+The race, the race! shouts the king, the president,
+the capitalist, the priest. The race must be
+preserved, though woman be degraded to a mere
+machine,&mdash;and the marriage institution is our only
+safety valve against the pernicious sex awakening of
+woman. But in vain these frantic efforts to maintain
+a state of bondage. In vain, too, the edicts
+of the Church, the mad attacks of rulers, in vain
+even the arm of the law. Woman no longer wants
+to be a party to the production of a race of sickly,
+feeble, decrepit, wretched human beings, who have
+neither the strength nor moral courage to throw off
+the yoke of poverty and slavery. Instead she desires
+fewer and better children, begotten and reared
+in love and through free choice; not by compulsion,
+as marriage imposes. Our pseudo-moralists have yet
+to learn the deep sense of responsibility toward the
+child, that love in freedom has awakened in the breast
+of woman. Rather would she forego forever the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span>
+glory of motherhood than bring forth life in an atmosphere
+that breathes only destruction and death.
+And if she does become a mother, it is to give to
+the child the deepest and best her being can yield.
+To grow with the child is her motto; she knows
+that in that manner alone can she help build true
+manhood and womanhood.</p>
+
+<p class="top">Ibsen must have had a vision of a free mother,
+when, with a master stroke, he portrayed Mrs. Alving.
+She was the ideal mother because she had outgrown
+marriage and all its horrors, because she had broken
+her chains, and set her spirit free to soar until it
+returned a personality, regenerated and strong. Alas,
+it was too late to rescue her life's joy, her Oswald;
+but not too late to realize that love in freedom is the
+only condition of a beautiful life. Those who, like
+Mrs. Alving, have paid with blood and tears for their
+spiritual awakening, repudiate marriage as an imposition,
+a shallow, empty mockery. They know, whether
+love last but one brief span of time or for eternity,
+it is the only creative, inspiring, elevating basis for
+a new race, a new world.</p>
+
+<p class="top">In our present pygmy state love is indeed a
+stranger to most people. Misunderstood and shunned,
+it rarely takes root; or if it does, it soon withers and
+dies. Its delicate fiber can not endure the stress and
+strain of the daily grind. Its soul is too complex to
+adjust itself to the slimy woof of our social fabric.
+It weeps and moans and suffers with those who have
+need of it, yet lack the capacity to rise to love's
+summit.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span></p>
+
+<p>Some day, some day men and women will rise,
+they will reach the mountain peak, they will meet
+big and strong and free, ready to receive, to partake,
+and to bask in the golden rays of love. What fancy,
+what imagination, what poetic genius can foresee even
+approximately the potentialities of such a force in the
+life of men and women. If the world is ever to
+give birth to true companionship and oneness, not
+marriage, but love will be the parent.</p>
+
+<p class="figcenter"><img src="images/end-dec.png" alt="Text decoration" /></p>
+
+
+<div class="ad2">
+
+<h2 class="underline">THE ONLY ANARCHIST MONTHLY<br />
+IN AMERICA</h2>
+
+<h1>MOTHER<br />
+EARTH</h1>
+
+<p>&para;A revolutionary literary magazine devoted to
+Anarchist thought in sociology, economics, education,
+and life.</p>
+
+<p>&para;Articles by leading Anarchists and radical
+thinkers.&mdash;International Notes giving a summary
+of the revolutionary activities in various
+countries.&mdash;Reviews of modern books and the
+drama.</p>
+
+<hr />
+
+<p class="center">TEN CENTS A COPY<br/>
+ONE DOLLAR A YEAR</p>
+
+<hr />
+
+<p class="center">
+EMMA GOLDMAN <span class="publisher">Publisher</span><br />
+ALEXANDER BERKMAN <span class="editor">Editor</span><br />
+</p>
+
+<p class="center">210 EAST THIRTEENTH STREET</p>
+
+<p class="center">NEW YORK</p>
+
+<hr />
+
+<p class="center">Bound Volumes 1906-1911, Two Dollars per Volume</p>
+
+</div>
+
+<div class="ad2">
+
+<h2 class="underline">MOTHER EARTH SERIES</h2>
+
+<table summary="Books in the Mother Earth Series">
+<tr>
+<td>Patriotism</td>
+<td class="right">Emma Goldman  5c.</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td>What I Believe</td>
+<td class="right">Emma Goldman  5c.</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td>Psychology of Political Violence</td>
+<td class="right">Emma Goldman 10c.</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td>Anarchism: What It Really Stands For</td>
+<td class="right">Emma Goldman 10c.</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td>Marriage and Love</td>
+<td class="right">Emma Goldman 10c.</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td>Anarchy Versus Socialism</td>
+<td class="right">William C. Owen  5c.</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td>What Is Worth While?</td>
+<td class="right">Adeline Champney  5c.</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td>The Right to Disbelieve</td>
+<td class="right">Edwin Kuh  5c.</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td>Anarchism and American Traditions</td>
+<td class="right">Voltairine de Cleyre  5c.</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td>The Dominant Idea</td>
+<td class="right">Voltairine de Cleyre  5c.</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td>Anarchism and Malthus</td>
+<td class="right">C. L. James  5c.</td>
+</tr>
+<tr>
+<td>The Modern School</td>
+<td class="right">Francisco Ferrer   5c.</td>
+</tr>
+</table>
+
+</div>
+
+<div class="ad2">
+
+<h2 class="underline">NOW READY!</h2>
+
+<p class="underline">Anarchism and Other Essays</p>
+
+<p class="center">EMMA GOLDMAN'S BOOK</p>
+
+<p>A series of essays comprising a thorough critique
+of existing social institutions and conditions, and
+giving a comprehensive view of the author's opinions on
+matters educational, sexual, economic, political, and social.</p>
+
+<p class="underline">CONTENTS</p>
+
+<ol>
+<li>Anarchism: What It Really Stands For.</li>
+<li>Minorities versus Majorities.</li>
+<li>The Psychology of Political Violence.</li>
+<li>Prisons: A Social Crime and Failure.</li>
+<li>Patriotism: A Menace to Liberty.</li>
+<li>Francisco Ferrer and The Modern School.</li>
+<li>The Hypocrisy of Puritanism.</li>
+<li>The Traffic in Women.</li>
+<li>Woman Suffrage.</li>
+<li>The Tragedy of Woman's Emancipation.</li>
+<li>Marriage and Love.</li>
+<li>The Modern Drama: A Powerful Disseminator of Radical Thought.</li>
+</ol>
+
+<p>A biographic sketch of Emma Goldman's interesting
+career, with splendid portrait, is included
+in the book.</p>
+
+<p class="center">Orders are to be sent, with cash, to</p>
+
+<p class="center">MOTHER EARTH, 210 E. 13th St., New York, N. Y.</p>
+
+<p class="center">Price, $1.00. By Mail, $1.10</p>
+
+</div>
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Marriage and Love, by Emma Goldman
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of Marriage and Love, by Emma Goldman
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: Marriage and Love
+
+Author: Emma Goldman
+
+Release Date: March 1, 2007 [EBook #20715]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MARRIAGE AND LOVE ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Tamise Totterdell, Fritz Ohrenschall and the
+Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net
+(This book was produced from scanned images of public
+domain material from the Google Print project.)
+
+
+
+
+
+Marriage and Love
+
+BY
+
+EMMA GOLDMAN
+
+
+Price Ten Cents
+
+
+MOTHER EARTH PUBLISHING ASSOCIATION
+
+210 EAST 13th STREET, NEW YORK
+
+1911
+
+
+
+
+    AUTOBIOGRAPHY
+
+    OF
+
+    ALEXANDER BERKMAN
+
+    _A Unique Contribution to Socio-Psychological Literature_
+
+    THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY REPRESENTS THREE PHASES:
+
+      I) The Revolutionary Awakening and its Toll--The _Attentat_
+
+     II) The Allegheny Penitentiary: Fourteen Years in Purgatory
+
+    III) The Resurrection and After
+
+    _Price One Dollar Fifty_
+
+    Send Advance Subscription to
+
+    MOTHER EARTH PUBLISHING ASSOCIATION
+
+    210 EAST THIRTEENTH STREET
+
+    NEW YORK
+
+
+    THE BOOK IS NEARING COMPLETION AND WILL
+    BE ISSUED IN THE EARLY SPRING
+
+
+
+
+Marriage and Love
+
+BY
+
+EMMA GOLDMAN
+
+
+Price Ten Cents
+
+
+MOTHER EARTH PUBLISHING ASSOCIATION
+
+210 EAST 13th STREET, NEW YORK
+
+1911
+
+
+
+
+MARRIAGE AND LOVE
+
+
+The popular notion about marriage and love is that they are synonymous,
+that they spring from the same motives, and cover the same human needs.
+Like most popular notions this also rests not on actual facts, but on
+superstition.
+
+Marriage and love have nothing in common; they are as far apart as the
+poles; are, in fact, antagonistic to each other. No doubt some marriages
+have been the result of love. Not, however, because love could assert
+itself only in marriage; much rather is it because few people can
+completely outgrow a convention. There are today large numbers of men
+and women to whom marriage is naught but a farce, but who submit to it
+for the sake of public opinion. At any rate, while it is true that some
+marriages are based on love, and while it is equally true that in some
+cases love continues in married life, I maintain that it does so
+regardless of marriage, and not because of it.
+
+On the other hand, it is utterly false that love results from marriage.
+On rare occasions one does hear of a miraculous case of a married couple
+falling in love after marriage, but on close examination it will be
+found that it is a mere adjustment to the inevitable. Certainly the
+growing-used to each other is far away from the spontaneity, the
+intensity, and beauty of love, without which the intimacy of marriage
+must prove degrading to both the woman and the man.
+
+Marriage is primarily an economic arrangement, an insurance pact. It
+differs from the ordinary life insurance agreement only in that it is
+more binding, more exacting. Its returns are insignificantly small
+compared with the investments. In taking out an insurance policy one
+pays for it in dollars and cents, always at liberty to discontinue
+payments. If, however, woman's premium is a husband, she pays for it
+with her name, her privacy, her self-respect, her very life, "until
+death doth part." Moreover, the marriage insurance condemns her to
+life-long dependency, to parasitism, to complete uselessness, individual
+as well as social. Man, too, pays his toll, but as his sphere is wider,
+marriage does not limit him as much as woman. He feels his chains more
+in an economic sense.
+
+Thus Dante's motto over Inferno applies with equal force to marriage.
+"Ye who enter here leave all hope behind."
+
+That marriage is a failure none but the very stupid will deny. One has
+but to glance over the statistics of divorce to realize how bitter a
+failure marriage really is. Nor will the stereotyped Philistine argument
+that the laxity of divorce laws and the growing looseness of woman
+account for the fact that: first, every twelfth marriage ends in
+divorce; second, that since 1870 divorces have increased from 28 to 73
+for every hundred thousand population; third, that adultery, since 1867,
+as ground for divorce, has increased 270.8 per cent.; fourth, that
+desertion increased 369.8 per cent.
+
+Added to these startling figures is a vast amount of material, dramatic
+and literary, further elucidating this subject. Robert Herrick, in
+_Together_; Pinero, in _Mid-Channel_; Eugene Walter, in _Paid in Full_,
+and scores of other writers are discussing the barrenness, the monotony,
+the sordidness, the inadequacy of marriage as a factor for harmony and
+understanding.
+
+The thoughtful social student will not content himself with the popular
+superficial excuse for this phenomenon. He will have to dig down deeper
+into the very life of the sexes to know why marriage proves so
+disastrous.
+
+Edward Carpenter says that behind every marriage stands the life-long
+environment of the two sexes; an environment so different from each
+other that man and woman must remain strangers. Separated by an
+insurmountable wall of superstition, custom, and habit, marriage has not
+the potentiality of developing knowledge of, and respect for, each
+other, without which every union is doomed to failure.
+
+Henrik Ibsen, the hater of all social shams, was probably the first to
+realize this great truth. Nora leaves her husband, not--as the stupid
+critic would have it--because she is tired of her responsibilities or
+feels the need of woman's rights, but because she has come to know that
+for eight years she had lived with a stranger and borne him children.
+Can there be anything more humiliating, more degrading than a life-long
+proximity between two strangers? No need for the woman to know anything
+of the man, save his income. As to the knowledge of the woman--what is
+there to know except that she has a pleasing appearance? We have not yet
+outgrown the theologic myth that woman has no soul, that she is a mere
+appendix to man, made out of his rib just for the convenience of the
+gentleman who was so strong that he was afraid of his own shadow.
+
+Perchance the poor quality of the material whence woman comes is
+responsible for her inferiority. At any rate, woman has no soul--what is
+there to know about her? Besides, the less soul a woman has the greater
+her asset as a wife, the more readily will she absorb herself in her
+husband. It is this slavish acquiescence to man's superiority that has
+kept the marriage institution seemingly intact for so long a period. Now
+that woman is coming into her own, now that she is actually growing
+aware of herself as a being outside of the master's grace, the sacred
+institution of marriage is gradually being undermined, and no amount of
+sentimental lamentation can stay it.
+
+From infancy, almost, the average girl is told that marriage is her
+ultimate goal; therefore her training and education must be directed
+towards that end. Like the mute beast fattened for slaughter, she is
+prepared for that. Yet, strange to say, she is allowed to know much less
+about her function as wife and mother than the ordinary artisan of his
+trade. It is indecent and filthy for a respectable girl to know anything
+of the marital relation. Oh, for the inconsistency of respectability,
+that needs the marriage vow to turn something which is filthy into the
+purest and most sacred arrangement that none dare question or criticize.
+Yet that is exactly the attitude of the average upholder of marriage.
+The prospective wife and mother is kept in complete ignorance of her
+only asset in the competitive field--sex. Thus she enters into life-long
+relations with a man only to find herself shocked, repelled, outraged
+beyond measure by the most natural and healthy instinct, sex. It is safe
+to say that a large percentage of the unhappiness, misery, distress, and
+physical suffering of matrimony is due to the criminal ignorance in sex
+matters that is being extolled as a great virtue. Nor is it at all an
+exaggeration when I say that more than one home has been broken up
+because of this deplorable fact.
+
+
+If, however, woman is free and big enough to learn the mystery of sex
+without the sanction of State or Church, she will stand condemned as
+utterly unfit to become the wife of a "good" man, his goodness
+consisting of an empty brain and plenty of money. Can there be anything
+more outrageous than the idea that a healthy, grown woman, full of life
+and passion, must deny nature's demand, must subdue her most intense
+craving, undermine her health and break her spirit, must stunt her
+vision, abstain from the depth and glory of sex experience until a
+"good" man comes along to take her unto himself as a wife? That is
+precisely what marriage means. How can such an arrangement end except in
+failure? This is one, though not the least important, factor of
+marriage, which differentiates it from love.
+
+Ours is a practical age. The time when Romeo and Juliet risked the wrath
+of their fathers for love, when Gretchen exposed herself to the gossip
+of her neighbors for love, is no more. If, on rare occasions, young
+people allow themselves the luxury of romance, they are taken in care by
+the elders, drilled and pounded until they become "sensible."
+
+The moral lesson instilled in the girl is not whether the man has
+aroused her love, but rather is it, "How much?" The important and only
+God of practical American life: Can the man make a living? can he
+support a wife? That is the only thing that justifies marriage.
+Gradually this saturates every thought of the girl; her dreams are not
+of moonlight and kisses, of laughter and tears; she dreams of shopping
+tours and bargain counters. This soul poverty and sordidness are the
+elements inherent in the marriage institution. The State and the Church
+approve of no other ideal, simply because it is the one that
+necessitates the State and Church control of men and women.
+
+Doubtless there are people who continue to consider love above dollars
+and cents. Particularly is this true of that class whom economic
+necessity has forced to become self-supporting. The tremendous change in
+woman's position, wrought by that mighty factor, is indeed phenomenal
+when we reflect that it is but a short time since she has entered the
+industrial arena. Six million women wage workers; six million women, who
+have the equal right with men to be exploited, to be robbed, to go on
+strike; aye, to starve even. Anything more, my lord? Yes, six million
+wage workers in every walk of life, from the highest brain work to the
+mines and railroad tracks; yes, even detectives and policemen. Surely
+the emancipation is complete.
+
+Yet with all that, but a very small number of the vast army of women
+wage workers look upon work as a permanent issue, in the same light as
+does man. No matter how decrepit the latter, he has been taught to be
+independent, self-supporting. Oh, I know that no one is really
+independent in our economic treadmill; still, the poorest specimen of a
+man hates to be a parasite; to be known as such, at any rate.
+
+The woman considers her position as worker transitory, to be thrown
+aside for the first bidder. That is why it is infinitely harder to
+organize women than men. "Why should I join a union? I am going to get
+married, to have a home." Has she not been taught from infancy to look
+upon that as her ultimate calling? She learns soon enough that the home,
+though not so large a prison as the factory, has more solid doors and
+bars. It has a keeper so faithful that naught can escape him. The most
+tragic part, however, is that the home no longer frees her from wage
+slavery; it only increases her task.
+
+According to the latest statistics submitted before a Committee "on
+labor and wages, and congestion of population," ten per cent. of the
+wage workers in New York City alone are married, yet they must continue
+to work at the most poorly paid labor in the world. Add to this horrible
+aspect the drudgery of housework, and what remains of the protection and
+glory of the home? As a matter of fact, even the middle-class girl in
+marriage can not speak of her home, since it is the man who creates her
+sphere. It is not important whether the husband is a brute or a
+darling. What I wish to prove is that marriage guarantees woman a home
+only by the grace of her husband. There she moves about in _his_ home,
+year after year, until her aspect of life and human affairs becomes as
+flat, narrow, and drab as her surroundings. Small wonder if she becomes
+a nag, petty, quarrelsome, gossipy, unbearable, thus driving the man
+from the house. She could not go, if she wanted to; there is no place to
+go. Besides, a short period of married life, of complete surrender of
+all faculties, absolutely incapacitates the average woman for the
+outside world. She becomes reckless in appearance, clumsy in her
+movements, dependent in her decisions, cowardly in her judgment, a
+weight and a bore, which most men grow to hate and despise. Wonderfully
+inspiring atmosphere for the bearing of life, is it not?
+
+But the child, how is it to be protected, if not for marriage? After
+all, is not that the most important consideration? The sham, the
+hypocrisy of it! Marriage protecting the child, yet thousands of
+children destitute and homeless. Marriage protecting the child, yet
+orphan asylums and reformatories overcrowded, the Society for the
+Prevention of Cruelty to Children keeping busy in rescuing the little
+victims from "loving" parents, to place them under more loving care, the
+Gerry Society. Oh, the mockery of it!
+
+Marriage may have the power to bring the horse to water, but has it ever
+made him drink? The law will place the father under arrest, and put him
+in convict's clothes; but has that ever stilled the hunger of the child?
+If the parent has no work, or if he hides his identity, what does
+marriage do then? It invokes the law to bring the man to "justice," to
+put him safely behind closed doors; his labor, however, goes not to the
+child, but to the State. The child receives but a blighted memory of its
+father's stripes.
+
+As to the protection of the woman,--therein lies the curse of marriage.
+Not that it really protects her, but the very idea is so revolting, such
+an outrage and insult on life, so degrading to human dignity, as to
+forever condemn this parasitic institution.
+
+It is like that other paternal arrangement--capitalism. It robs man of
+his birthright, stunts his growth, poisons his body, keeps him in
+ignorance, in poverty, and dependence, and then institutes charities
+that thrive on the last vestige of man's self-respect.
+
+The institution of marriage makes a parasite of woman, an absolute
+dependent. It incapacitates her for life's struggle, annihilates her
+social consciousness, paralyzes her imagination, and then imposes its
+gracious protection, which is in reality a snare, a travesty on human
+character.
+
+If motherhood is the highest fulfillment of woman's nature, what other
+protection does it need, save love and freedom? Marriage but defiles,
+outrages, and corrupts her fulfillment. Does it not say to woman, Only
+when you follow me shall you bring forth life? Does it not condemn her
+to the block, does it not degrade and shame her if she refuses to buy
+her right to motherhood by selling herself? Does not marriage only
+sanction motherhood, even though conceived in hatred, in compulsion?
+Yet, if motherhood be of free choice, of love, of ecstasy, of defiant
+passion, does it not place a crown of thorns upon an innocent head and
+carve in letters of blood the hideous epithet, Bastard? Were marriage to
+contain all the virtues claimed for it, its crimes against motherhood
+would exclude it forever from the realm of love.
+
+
+Love, the strongest and deepest element in all life, the harbinger of
+hope, of joy, of ecstasy; love, the defier of all laws, of all
+conventions; love, the freest, the most powerful moulder of human
+destiny; how can such an all-compelling force be synonymous with that
+poor little State and Church-begotten weed, marriage?
+
+
+Free love? As if love is anything but free! Man has bought brains, but
+all the millions in the world have failed to buy love. Man has subdued
+bodies, but all the power on earth has been unable to subdue love. Man
+has conquered whole nations, but all his armies could not conquer love.
+Man has chained and fettered the spirit, but he has been utterly
+helpless before love. High on a throne, with all the splendor and pomp
+his gold can command, man is yet poor and desolate, if love passes him
+by. And if it stays, the poorest hovel is radiant with warmth, with life
+and color. Thus love has the magic power to make of a beggar a king.
+Yes, love is free; it can dwell in no other atmosphere. In freedom it
+gives itself unreservedly, abundantly, completely. All the laws on the
+statutes, all the courts in the universe, cannot tear it from the soil,
+once love has taken root. If, however, the soil is sterile, how can
+marriage make it bear fruit? It is like the last desperate struggle of
+fleeting life against death.
+
+Love needs no protection; it is its own protection. So long as love
+begets life no child is deserted, or hungry, or famished for the want of
+affection. I know this to be true. I know women who became mothers in
+freedom by the men they loved. Few children in wedlock enjoy the care,
+the protection, the devotion free motherhood is capable of bestowing.
+
+
+The defenders of authority dread the advent of a free motherhood, lest
+it will rob them of their prey. Who would fight wars? Who would create
+wealth? Who would make the policeman, the jailer, if woman were to
+refuse the indiscriminate breeding of children? The race, the race!
+shouts the king, the president, the capitalist, the priest. The race
+must be preserved, though woman be degraded to a mere machine,--and the
+marriage institution is our only safety valve against the pernicious sex
+awakening of woman. But in vain these frantic efforts to maintain a
+state of bondage. In vain, too, the edicts of the Church, the mad
+attacks of rulers, in vain even the arm of the law. Woman no longer
+wants to be a party to the production of a race of sickly, feeble,
+decrepit, wretched human beings, who have neither the strength nor moral
+courage to throw off the yoke of poverty and slavery. Instead she
+desires fewer and better children, begotten and reared in love and
+through free choice; not by compulsion, as marriage imposes. Our
+pseudo-moralists have yet to learn the deep sense of responsibility
+toward the child, that love in freedom has awakened in the breast of
+woman. Rather would she forego forever the glory of motherhood than
+bring forth life in an atmosphere that breathes only destruction and
+death. And if she does become a mother, it is to give to the child the
+deepest and best her being can yield. To grow with the child is her
+motto; she knows that in that manner alone can she help build true
+manhood and womanhood.
+
+
+Ibsen must have had a vision of a free mother, when, with a master
+stroke, he portrayed Mrs. Alving. She was the ideal mother because she
+had outgrown marriage and all its horrors, because she had broken her
+chains, and set her spirit free to soar until it returned a personality,
+regenerated and strong. Alas, it was too late to rescue her life's joy,
+her Oswald; but not too late to realize that love in freedom is the only
+condition of a beautiful life. Those who, like Mrs. Alving, have paid
+with blood and tears for their spiritual awakening, repudiate marriage
+as an imposition, a shallow, empty mockery. They know, whether love last
+but one brief span of time or for eternity, it is the only creative,
+inspiring, elevating basis for a new race, a new world.
+
+
+In our present pygmy state love is indeed a stranger to most people.
+Misunderstood and shunned, it rarely takes root; or if it does, it soon
+withers and dies. Its delicate fiber can not endure the stress and
+strain of the daily grind. Its soul is too complex to adjust itself to
+the slimy woof of our social fabric. It weeps and moans and suffers with
+those who have need of it, yet lack the capacity to rise to love's
+summit.
+
+Some day, some day men and women will rise, they will reach the mountain
+peak, they will meet big and strong and free, ready to receive, to
+partake, and to bask in the golden rays of love. What fancy, what
+imagination, what poetic genius can foresee even approximately the
+potentialities of such a force in the life of men and women. If the
+world is ever to give birth to true companionship and oneness, not
+marriage, but love will be the parent.
+
+
+
+
+    THE ONLY ANARCHIST MONTHLY IN AMERICA
+
+    MOTHER EARTH
+
+    ĥA revolutionary literary magazine devoted to
+    Anarchist thought in sociology, economics, education,
+    and life.
+
+    ĥArticles by leading Anarchists and radical
+    thinkers.--International Notes giving a summary
+    of the revolutionary activities in various
+    countries.--Reviews of modern books and the
+    drama.
+
+
+    TEN CENTS A COPY
+    ONE DOLLAR A YEAR
+
+
+    EMMA GOLDMAN             Publisher
+    ALEXANDER BERKMAN        Editor
+
+
+    210 EAST THIRTEENTH STREET
+
+    NEW YORK
+
+
+    Bound Volumes 1906-1911, Two Dollars per Volume
+
+
+
+
+    MOTHER EARTH SERIES
+
+    Patriotism                                 Emma Goldman  5c.
+
+    What I Believe                             Emma Goldman  5c.
+
+    Psychology of Political Violence           Emma Goldman 10c.
+
+    Anarchism: What It Really Stands For.      Emma Goldman 10c.
+
+    Marriage and Love                          Emma Goldman 10c.
+
+    Anarchy Versus Socialism                William C. Owen  5c.
+
+    What Is Worth While?                   Adeline Champney  5c.
+
+    The Right to Disbelieve                       Edwin Kuh  5c.
+
+    Anarchism and American Traditions  Voltairine de Cleyre  5c.
+
+    The Dominant Idea                  Voltairine de Cleyre  5c.
+
+    Anarchism and Malthus                       C. L. James  5c.
+
+    The Modern School                     Francisco Ferrer   5c.
+
+
+
+
+    NOW READY!
+
+    Anarchism and Other Essays
+
+    EMMA GOLDMAN'S BOOK
+
+    A series of essays comprising a thorough critique
+    of existing social institutions and conditions, and
+    giving a comprehensive view of the author's opinions on
+    matters educational, sexual, economic, political, and social.
+
+    CONTENTS
+
+    1. Anarchism: What It Really Stands For.
+
+    2. Minorities versus Majorities.
+
+    3. The Psychology of Political Violence.
+
+    4. Prisons: A Social Crime and Failure.
+
+    5. Patriotism: A Menace to Liberty.
+
+    6. Francisco Ferrer and The Modern School.
+
+    7. The Hypocrisy of Puritanism.
+
+    8. The Traffic in Women.
+
+    9. Woman Suffrage.
+
+    10. The Tragedy of Woman's Emancipation.
+
+    11. Marriage and Love.
+
+    12. The Modern Drama: A Powerful Disseminator of Radical Thought.
+
+    A biographic sketch of Emma Goldman's interesting
+    career, with splendid portrait, is included
+    in the book.
+
+    Orders are to be sent, with cash, to
+
+    MOTHER EARTH, 210 E. 13th St., New York, N. Y.
+
+    Price, $1.00. By Mail, $1.10
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Marriage and Love, by Emma Goldman
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