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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/23013-0.txt b/23013-0.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5c3e665 --- /dev/null +++ b/23013-0.txt @@ -0,0 +1,1856 @@ +Project Gutenberg’s “George Washington’s” Last Duel, by Thomas Nelson Page + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: “George Washington’s” Last Duel + 1891 + +Author: Thomas Nelson Page + +Release Date: October 12, 2007 [EBook #23013] +Last Updated: October 3, 2016 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK “GEORGE WASHINGTON’S” LAST DUEL *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + + + + +“GEORGE WASHINGTON’S” LAST DUEL. + +By Thomas Nelson Page + +1891 + + + + +I. + +Of all the places in the county “The Towers” was the favorite with the +young people. There even before Margaret was installed the Major kept +open house with his major domo and factotum “George Washington”; and +when Margaret came from school, of course it was popular. Only one class +of persons was excluded. + +There were few people in the county who did not know of the Major’s +antipathy to “old women,” as he called them. Years no more entered into +his definition of this class than celibacy did into his idea of an “old +bachelor.” The state of single blessedness continued in the female +sex beyond the bloom of youth was in his eyes the sole basis of +this unpardonable condition. He made certain concessions to the few +individuals among his neighbors who had remained in the state of +spinsterhood, because, as he declared, neighborliness was a greater +virtue than consistency; but he drew the line at these few, and it was +his boast that no old woman had ever been able to get into his Eden. +“One of them,” he used to say, “would close paradise just as readily now +as Eve did six thousand years ago.” Thus, although as Margaret grew +up she had any other friends she desired to visit her as often as she +chose, her wish being the supreme law at Rock Towers, she had never even +thought of inviting one of the class against whom her uncle’s ruddy face +was so steadfastly set. The first time it ever occurred to her to invite +any one among the proscribed was when she asked Rose Endicott to pay +her a visit. Rose, she knew, was living with her old aunt, Miss Jemima +Bridges, whom she had once met in R-----, and she had some apprehension +that in Miss Jemima’s opinion, the condition of the South was so much +like that of the Sandwich Islands that the old lady would not permit +Rose to come without her personal escort. Accordingly, one evening after +tea, when the Major was in a particularly gracious humor, and had told +her several of his oldest and best stories, Margaret fell upon him +unawares, and before he had recovered from the shock of the encounter, +had captured his consent. Then, in order to secure the leverage of a +dispatched invitation, she had immediately written Rose, asking her +and her aunt to come and spend a month or two with her, and had without +delay handed it to George Washington to deliver to Lazarus to give +Luke to carry to the post-office. The next evening, therefore, when the +Major, after twenty-four hours of serious apprehension, reopened the +matter with a fixed determination to coax or buy her out of the notion, +because, as he used to say, “women can’t be _reasoned_ out of a thing, +sir, not having been reasoned in,” Margaret was able to meet him with +the announcement that it was “too late,” as the letter had already been +mailed. + +Seated in one of the high-backed arm-chairs, with one white hand shading +her laughing eyes from the light, and with her evening dress daintily +spread out about her, Margaret was amused at the look of desperation +on the old gentleman’s ruddy face. He squared his round body before +the fire, braced himself with his plump legs well apart, as if he were +preparing to sustain the shock of a blow, and taking a deep inspiration, +gave a loud and prolonged “Whew!” + +This was too much for her. + +Margaret rose, and, going up to him, took his arm and looked into his +face cajolingly. + +“Uncle, I was bound to have Rose, and Miss Jemima would not have let her +come alone.” + +The tone was the low, almost plaintive key, the effectiveness of which +Margaret knew so well. + +“‘Not let her!’” The Major faced her quickly. “Margaret, she is one of +those _strong-minded_ women!” + +Margaret nodded brightly. + +“I bet my horse she wears iron-gray curls, caught on the side of her +head with tucking combs!” + +“She does,” declared Margaret, her eyes dancing. + +“And has a long nose--red at the end.” + +“Uncle, you have seen her. I _know_ you have seen her,” asserted +Margaret, laughing up at him. “You have her very picture.” + +The Major groaned, and vowed that he would never survive it, and that +Margaret would go down to history as the slayer of her uncle. + +“I have selected my place in the graveyard,” he said, with a mournful +shake of the head. “Put me close to the fence behind the raspberry +thicket, where I shall be secure. Tell her there are snakes there.” + +“But, uncle, she is as good as gold,” declared Margaret; “she is always +doing good,--I believe she thinks it her mission to save the world.” + +The Major burst out, “That’s part of this modern devilment of +substituting humanitarianism for Christianity. Next thing they’ll be +wanting to abolish hell!” + +The Major was so impressed with his peril that when Jeff, who had +galloped over “for a little while,” entered, announced with great +ceremony by George Washington, he poured out all his apprehensions into +his sympathetic ear, and it was only when he began to rally Jeff on the +chance of his becoming a victim to Miss Endicott’s charms, that Margaret +interfered so far as to say, that Rose had any number of lovers, and one +of them was “an awfully nice fellow, handsome and rich and all that.” + She wished “some one” would invite him down to pay a visit in the +neighborhood, for she was “afraid Rose would find it dreadfully dull +in the country.” The Major announced that he would himself make love +to her; but both Margaret and Jeff declared that Providence manifestly +intended him for Miss Jemima. He then suggested that Miss Endicott’s +friend be invited to come with her, but Margaret did not think that +would do. + +“What is the name of this Paragon?” inquired Jeff. + +Margaret gave his name. “Mr. Lawrence--Pickering Lawrence.” + +“Why, I know him, ‘Pick Lawrence.’ We were college-mates, class-mates. +He used to be in love with somebody up at his home then; but I +never identified her with your friend. We were great cronies at the +University. He was going to be a lawyer; but I believe somebody died +and he came into a fortune.” This history did not appear to surprise +Margaret as much as might have been expected, and she said nothing more +about him. + +About a week later Jeff took occasion to ride over to tea, and announced +that his friend Mr. Lawrence had promised to run down and spend a few +weeks with him. Margaret looked so pleased and dwelt so much on the +alleged charms of the expected guest that Jeff, with a pang of jealousy, +suddenly asserted that he “didn’t think so much of Lawrence,” that he +was one of those fellows who always pretended to be very much in love +with somebody, and was “always changing his clothes.” + +“That’s what girls like,” said Margaret, decisively; and this was all +the thanks Jeff received. + + + + +II. + +There was immense excitement at the Towers next day when the visitors +were expected. The Major took twice his usual period to dress; George +Washington with a view to steadying his nerves braced them so tight that +he had great difficulty in maintaining his equipoise, and even Margaret +herself was in a flutter quite unusual to one so self-possessed as she +generally was. When, however, the carriage drove up to the door, the +Major, with Margaret a little in advance, met the visitors at the steps +in all the glory of new blue broadcloth and flowered velvet. Sir Charles +Grandison could not have been more elegant, nor Sir Roger more gracious. +Behind him yet grander stood George--George Washington--his master’s +fac-simile in ebony down to the bandanna handkerchief and the trick of +waving the right hand in a flowing curve. It was perhaps this spectacle +which saved the Major, for Miss Jemima was so overwhelmed by George +Washington’s portentous dignity that she exhibited sufficient humility +to place the Major immediately at his ease, and from this time Miss +Jemima was at a disadvantage, and the Major felt that he was master of +the situation. + +The old lady had never been in the South before except for a few days on +the occasion when Margaret had met her and Rose Endicott at the hotel in +R----, and she had then seen just enough to excite her inquisitiveness. +Her natural curiosity was quite amazing. She was desperately bent on +acquiring information, and whatever she heard she set down in a journal, +so as soon as she became sufficiently acquainted with the Major she +began to ply him with questions. Her seat at table was at the Major’s +right, and the questions which she put to him proved so embarrassing, +that the old gentleman declared to Margaret that if that old woman knew +as much as she wanted to know she would with her wisdom eclipse +Solomon and destroy the value of the Scriptures. He finally hit upon an +expedient. He either traversed every proposition she suggested, or else +answered every inquiry with a statement which was simply astounding. +She had therefore not been at the Towers a week before she was in the +possession of facts furnished by the Major which might have staggered +credulity itself. + +One of the many entries in her journal was to the effect that, according +to Major B----, it was the custom on many plantations to shoot a slave +every year, on the ground that such a sacrifice was generally salutary; +that it was an expiation of past derelictions and a deterrent from +repetition. And she added this memorandum: + +“The most extraordinary and revolting part of it all is that this +barbarous custom, which might well have been supposed confined to +Dahomey, is justified by such men as Major B---- as a pious act.” She +inserted this query, + +“Can it be true?” + +If she did not wholly believe the Major, she did not altogether +disbelieve him. She at least was firmly convinced that it was quite +possible. She determined to inquire privately of George Washington. + +She might have inquired of one of the numerous maids, whose useless +presence embarrassed her; but the Major foreseeing that she might pursue +her investigation in other directions, had informed her that the rite +was guarded with the greatest care, and that it would be as much as any +one’s life were worth to divulge it. Miss Jemima, therefore, was too +loyal to expose one of her own sex to such danger; so she was compelled +to consult George Washington, whom she believed clever enough to take +care of himself. + +She accordingly watched several days for an opportunity to see him +alone, but without success. In fact, though she was unaware of it, +George Washington had conceived for her a most violent dislike, and +carefully avoided her. He had observed with growing suspicion Miss +Jemima’s investigation of matters relating to the estate, and her +persistent pursuit of knowledge at the table had confirmed him in his +idea that she contemplated the capture of his master and himself. + +Like his master, he had a natural antipathy to “old women,” and as +the Major’s threat for years had varied between “setting him free next +morning” and giving him “a mistress to make him walk straight,” George +Washington felt that prudence demanded some vigilance on his part. + +One day, under cover of the hilarity incident to the presence at dinner +of Jeff and of his guest, Mr. Lawrence, Miss Jemima had pushed her +inquisition even further than usual. George Washington watched her with +growing suspicion, his head thrown back and his eyes half closed, and +so, when, just before dinner was over, he went into the hall to see +about the fire, he, after his habit, took occasion to express his +opinion of affairs to the sundry members of the family who looked down +at him from their dim gilt frames on the wall. + +“I ain’t pleased wid de way things is gwine on heah at all,” he +declared, poking the fire viciously and addressing his remark more +particularly to an old gentlemen who in ruffles and red velvet sat with +crossed legs in a high-backed chair just over the piano. “Heah me an’ +Marse Nat an’ Miss Margaret been gittin’ long all dese years easy an’ +peaceable, an’ Marse Jeff been comin’ over sociable all de time, an’ +d’ ain’ been no trouble nor nuttin’ till now dat ole ooman what ax mo’ +questions ‘n a thousan’ folks kin answer got to come heah and set up +to Marse Nat, an’ talk to him so he cyarn hardly eat.” He rose from +his knees at the hearth, and looking the old gentleman over the piano +squarely in the face, asserted, “She got her mine sot on bein’ my +mistis, dat’s what ‘tis!” This relieved him so that he returned to his +occupation of “chunking” the fire, adding, “When women sets de mines on +a thing, you jes’ well gin up!” + +So intent was he on relieving himself of the burden on his mind that he +did not hear the door softly open, and did not know any one had entered +until an enthusiastic voice behind him exclaimed: + +“Oh! what a profound observation!” George Washington started in much +confusion; for it was Miss Jemima, who had stolen away from the table to +intercept him at his task of “fixing the fires.” She had, however, heard +only his concluding sentence, and she now advanced with a beaming smile +intended to conciliate the old butler. George Washington gave the hearth +a final and hasty sweep, and was retiring in a long detour around Miss +Jemima when she accosted him. + +“Uncle George.” + +“Marm.” He stopped and half turned. + +“What a charming old place you have here!” + +George Washington cast his eye up towards the old gentleman in the +high-backed chair, as much as to say, “You see there? What did I tell +you?” Then he said briefly: + +“Yes, ‘m.” + +“What is its extent? How many acres are there in it?” + +George Washington positively started. He took in several of the family +in his glance of warning. + +“Well, I declare, marm, I don’t know,” he began; then it occurring +to him that the honor of the family was somehow at stake and must +be upheld, he added, “A leetle mo’ ‘n a hundred thousan’, marm.” His +exactness was convincing. Miss Jemima threw up her hands: + +“Prodigious! How many nee---- how many persons of the African blood are +there on this vast domain?” she inquired, getting nearer to her point. + +George, observing how much she was impressed, eyed her with rising +disdain: + +“Does you mean niggers, m’m? ‘Bout three thousan’, mum.” + +Another exclamation of astonishment burst from the old lady’s lips. + +“If you will permit me to inquire, Uncle George, how old are you?” + +“She warn see if I kin wuck--dat’s what she’s after,” said George to +himself, with a confidential look at a young gentleman in a hunting +dress on the wall between two windows. Then he said: + +“Well, I declare, mum, you got me dyah. I ixpec’ I is mos ninety years +ole, I reckon I’se ol’er ‘n you is--I reckon I is.” + +“Oh!” exclaimed Miss Jemima with a little start as if she had pricked +her finger with a needle. + +“Marse Nat kin tell you,” continued George; “if you don’t know how ole +you is, all you got to do is to ax him, an’ he kin tell you--he got it +all set down in a book--he kin tell how ole you is to a day.” + +“Dear, how frightful!” exclaimed Miss Jemima, just as the Major entered +somewhat hastily. + +“He’s a gone coon,” said George Washington through the crack of the door +to the old gentleman in ruffles, as he pulled the door slowly to from +the outside. + +The Major had left the young people in the dining-room and had come to +get a book to settle a disputed quotation. He had found the work and was +trying to read it without the ignominy of putting on his glasses, when +Miss Jemima accosted him. + +“Major, your valet appears to be a very intelligent person.” + +The Major turned upon her. + +“My ‘valet’! Madam! I have no valet!” + +“I mean your body servant, your butler”--explained Miss Jemima. “I have +been much impressed by him.” + +“George!--George Washington?--you mean George Washington! No, madam, he +has not a particle of intelligence.--He is grossly and densely stupid. I +have never in fifty years been able to get an idea into his head.” + +“Oh, dear! and I thought him so clever! I was wondering how so +intelligent a person, so well informed, could be a slave.” + +The Major faced about. + +“George! George Washington a slave! Madam, you misapprehend the +situation. _He_ is no slave. I am the slave, not only of him but of +three hundred more as arrogant and exacting as the Czar, and as lazy as +the devil!” + +Miss Jemima threw up her hands in astonishment, and the Major, who was +on a favorite theme, proceeded: + +“Why, madam, the very coat on my back belongs to that rascal George +Washington, and I do not know when he may take a fancy to order me out +of it. My soul is not my own. He drinks my whiskey, steals my tobacco, +and takes my clothes before my face. As likely as not he will have on +this very waistcoat before the week is out.” + +The Major stroked his well-filled velvet vest caressingly, as if he +already felt the pangs of the approaching separation. + +“Oh, dear! You amaze me,” began Miss Jemima. + +“Yes, madam, I should be amazed myself, except that I have stood it +so long. Why, I had once an affair with an intimate and valued friend, +Judge Carrington. You may have heard of him, a very distinguished man! +and I was indiscreet enough to carry that rascal George Washington to +the field, thinking, of course, that I ought to go like a gentleman, and +although the affair was arranged after we had taken our positions, and I +did not have the pleasure of shooting at him. + +“Good heavens!” exclaimed Miss Jemima. “_The pleasure of shooting at +your friend!_ Monstrous!” + +“I say I did not have that pleasure,” corrected the Major, blandly; “the +affair was, as I stated, arranged without a shot; yet do you know? that +rascal George Washington will not allow that it was so, and I understand +he recounts with the most harrowing details the manner in which ‘he and +I,’ as he terms it, shot my friend--murdered him.” + +Miss Jemima gave an “Ugh. Horrible! What depravity!” she said, almost +under her breath. + +The Major caught the words. + +“Yes, madam, it is horrible to think of such depravity. Unquestionably +he deserves death; but what can one do! The law, kept feeble by +politicians, does not permit one to kill them, however worthless they +are (he observed Miss Jemima’s start,)--except, of course, by way of +example, under certain peculiar circumstances, as I have stated to you.” + He bowed blandly. + +Miss Jemima was speechless, so he pursued. + +“I have sometimes been tempted to make a break for liberty, and have +thought that if I could once get the rascal on the field, with my old +pistols, I would settle with him which of us is the master.” + +“Do you mean that you would--would shoot him?” gasped Miss Jemima. + +“Yes, madam, unless he should be too quick for me,” replied the Major, +blandly,--“or should order me from the field, which he probably would +do.” + +The old lady turned and hastily left the room. + + + + +III. + +Though Miss Jemima after this regarded the Major with renewed suspicion, +and confided to her niece that she did not feel at all safe with him, +the old gentleman was soon on the same terms with Rose that he was on +with Margaret herself. He informed her that he was just twenty-five +his “last grass,” and that he never could, would, or should grow a year +older. He notified Jeff and his friend Mr. Lawrence at the table that +he regarded himself as a candidate for Miss Endicott’s hand, and had +“staked” the ground, and he informed her that as soon as he could bring +himself to break an oath which he had made twenty years before, never +to address another woman, he intended to propose to her. Rose, who had +lingered at the table a moment behind the other ladies, assured the +old fellow that he need fear no rival, and that if he could not muster +courage to propose before she left, as it was leap-year, she would +exercise her prerogative and propose herself. The Major, with his hand +on his heart as he held the door open for her, vowed as Rose swept past +him her fine eyes dancing, and her face dimpling with fun, that he was +ready that moment to throw himself at her feet if it were not for the +difficulty of getting up from his knees. + +A little later in the afternoon Margaret was down among the rose-bushes, +where Lawrence had joined her, after Rose had executed that inexplicable +feminine manoeuvre of denying herself to oppose a lover’s request. + +Jeff was leaning against a pillar, pretending to talk to Rose, but +listening more to the snatches of song in Margaret’s rich voice, or to +the laughter which floated up to them from the garden below. + +Suddenly he said abruptly, “I believe that fellow Lawrence is in love +with Margaret.” + +Rose insisted on knowing what ground he had for so peculiar an opinion, +on which he incontinently charged his friend with being one of “those +fellows who falls in love with every pretty girl on whom he lays his +eyes,” and declared that he had done nothing but hang around Margaret +ever since he had come to the county. + +What Rose might have replied to this unexpected attack on one whom she +reserved for her own especial torture cannot be recorded, for the +Major suddenly appeared around the verandah. Both the young people +instinctively straightened up. + +“Ah! you rascals! I catch you!” he cried, his face glowing with jollity. +“Jeff, you’d better look out,--honey catches a heap of flies, and sticks +mighty hard. Rose, don’t show him any mercy,--kick him, trample on him.” + +“I am not honey,” said Rose, with a captivating look out of her bright +eyes. + +“Yes, you are. If you are not you are the very rose from which it is +distilled.” + +“Oh, how charming!” cried the young lady. “How I wish some woman could +hear that said to me!” + +“Don’t give him credit before you hear all his proverb,” said Jeff. “Do +you know what he said in the dining-room?” + +“Don’t credit _him_ at all,” replied the Major. “Don’t believe +him--don’t listen to him. He is green with envy at my success.” And the +old fellow shook with amusement. + +“What did he say? Please tell me.” She appealed to Jeff, and then as he +was about to speak, seeing the Major preparing to run, she caught him. +“No, you have to listen. Now tell me,” to Jeff again. + +“Well, he said honey caught lots of flies, and women lots of fools.” + +Rose fell back, and pointing her tapering finger at the Major, who, with +mock humility, was watching her closely, declared that she would “never +believe in him again.” The old fellow met her with an unblushing denial +of ever having made such a statement or held such traitorous sentiments, +as it was, he maintained, a well established fact that flies never eat +honey at all. + +From this moment the Major conceived the idea that Jeff had been caught +by his fair visitor. It had never occurred to him that any one could +aspire to Margaret’s hand. He had thought at one time that Jeff was in +danger of falling a victim to the charms of the pretty daughter of an +old friend and neighbor of his, and though it appeared rather a pity +for a young fellow to fall in love “out of the State,” yet the claims +of hospitality, combined with the fact that rivalry with Mr. Lawrence, +against whom, on account of his foppishness, he had conceived some +prejudice, promised a delightful excitement, more than counterbalanced +that objectionable feature. He therefore immediately constituted himself +Jeff’s ardent champion, and always spoke of the latter’s guest as “that +fellow Lawrence.” + +Accordingly, when, one afternoon, on his return from his ride, he found +Jeff, who had ridden over to tea, lounging around alone, in a state +of mind as miserable as a man should be who, having come with the +expectation of basking in the sunshine of Beauty’s smile, finds that +Beauty is out horseback riding with a rival, he was impelled to give him +aid, countenance, and advice. He immediately attacked him, therefore, +on his forlorn and woebegone expression, and declared that at his age +he would have long ago run the game to earth, and have carried her home +across his saddle-bow. + +“You are afraid, sir--afraid,” he asserted, hotly. “I don’t know what +you fellows are coming to.” + +Jeff admitted the accusation. “He feared,” he said, “that he could not +get a girl to have him.” He was looking rather red when the Major cut +him short. + +“‘Fear,’ sir! Fear catches kicks, not kisses. ‘Not _get_ a girl to have +you!’ Well, upon my soul! Why don’t you run after her and bawl like a +baby for her to stop, whilst you get down on your knees and--_get_ her +to have you!” + +Jeff was too dejected to be stung even by this unexpected attack. He +merely said, dolorously: + +“Well, how the deuce can it be done?” + +“_Make_ her, sir--_make_ her,” cried the Major. “Coerce her--compel +her.” The old fellow was in his element. He shook his grizzled head, and +brought his hollowed hands together with sounding emphasis. + +Jeff suggested that perhaps she might be impregnable, but the old fellow +affirmed that no woman was this; that no fortress was too strong to be +carried; that it all depended on the assailant and the vehemence of +the assault; and if one did not succeed, another would. The young man +brightened. His mentor, however, dashed his rising hopes by saying: +“But mark this, sir, no coward can succeed. Women are rank cowards +themselves, and they demand courage in their conquerors. Do you think +a woman will marry a man who trembles before her? By Jove, sir! He must +make her tremble!” + +Jeff admitted dubiously that this sounded like wisdom. The Major burst +out, “Wisdom, sir! It is the wisdom of Solomon, who had a thousand +wives!” + +From this time the Major constituted himself Jeff’s ally, and was ready +to take the field on his behalf against any and all comers. Therefore, +when he came into the hall one day when Rose was at the piano, running +her fingers idly over the keys, whilst Lawrence was leaning over her +talking, he exclaimed: + +“Hello! what treason’s this? I’ll tell Jeff. He was consulting me only +yesterday about--” + +Lawrence muttered an objurgation; but Rose wheeled around on the +piano-stool and faced him. + +--“Only yesterday about the best mode of winning--” He stopped +tantalizingly. + +“Of winning what? I am so interested.” She rose and stood just before +him with a cajoling air. The Major shut his mouth tight. + +“I’m as dumb as an oyster. Do you think I would betray my friend’s +confidence--for nothing? I’m as silent as the oracle of Delphi.” + +Lawrence looked anxious, and Rose followed the old man closely. + +“I’ll pay you anything.” + +“I demand payment in coin that buys youth from age.” He touched his +lips, and catching Rose leaned slowly forward and kissed her. + +“Now, tell me--what did he say? A bargain’s a bargain,” she laughed as +Lawrence almost ground his teeth. + +“Well, he said,--he said, let me see, what did he say?” paltered the +Major. “He said he could not get a girl he loved to have him.” + +“Oh! did he say _that?_” She was so much interested that she just knew +that Lawrence half stamped his foot. + +“Yes, he said just that, and I told him--” + +“Well,--what did you say?” + +“Oh! I did not bargain to tell what _I_ told _him_. I received payment +only for betraying his confidence. If you drive a bargain I will drive +one also.” + +Rose declared that he was the greatest old screw she ever knew, but she +paid the price, and waited. + +“Well?--” + +“‘Well?’ Of course, I told him ‘well.’ I gave him the best advice a man +ever received. A lawyer would have charged him five hundred dollars for +it. I’m an oracle on heart-capture.” + +Rose laughingly declared she would have to consult him herself, and when +the Major told her to consult only her mirror, gave him a courtesy and +wished he would teach some young men of her acquaintance to make such +speeches. The old fellow vowed, however, that they were unteachable; +that he would as soon expect to teach young moles. + + + + +IV. + +It was not more than a half hour after this when George Washington came +in and found the Major standing before the long mirror, turning around +and holding his coat back from his plump sides so as to obtain a fair +view of his ample dimensions. + +“George Washington,” said he. + +“Suh.” + +“I’m afraid I’m growing a little too stout.” + +George Washington walked around and looked at him with the critical gaze +of a butcher appraising a fat ox. + +“Oh! nor, suh, you aint, not to say _too_ stout,” he finally decided as +the result of this inspection, “you jis gittin’ sort o’ potely. Hit’s +monsus becomin’ to you.” + +“Do you think so?” The Major was manifestly flattered. “I was +apprehensive that I might be growing a trifle fat,”--he turned carefully +around before the mirror,--“and from a fat old man and a scrawny old +woman, Heaven deliver us, George Washington!” + +“Nor, suh, you ain’ got a ounce too much meat on you,” said George, +reassuringly; “how much you weigh, Marse Nat, last time you was on de +stilyards?” he inquired with wily interest. + +The Major faced him. + +“George Washington, the last time I weighed I tipped the beam at one +hundred and forty-three pounds, and I had the waist of a girl.” + +He laid his fat hands with the finger tips touching on his round sides +about where the long since reversed curves of the lamented waist once +were, and gazed at George with comical melancholy. + +“Dat’s so,” assented the latter, with wonted acquiescence. “I ‘members +hit well, suh, dat wuz when me and you wuz down in Gloucester tryin’ to +git up spunk to co’te Miss Ailsy Mann. Dat’s mo’n thirty years ago.” + +The Major reflected. “It cannot be thirty years!--thir--ty--years,” he +mused. + +“Yes, suh, an’ better, too. ‘Twuz befo’ we fit de duil wid Jedge +Carrington. I know dat, ‘cause dat’s what we shoot him ‘bout--‘cause he +co’te Miss Ailsy an’ cut we out.” + +“Damn your memory! Thirty years! I could dance all night then--every +night in the week--and now I can hardly mount my horse without getting +the thumps.” + +George Washington, affected by his reminiscences, declared that he +had heard one of the ladies saying, “just the other day,” what “a fine +portly gentleman” he was. + +The Major brightened. + +“Did you hear that? George Washington, if you tell me a lie I’ll set +you free!” It was his most terrible threat, used only on occasions of +exceptional provocation. + +George vowed that no reward could induce him to be guilty of such +an enormity, and followed it up by so skilful an allusion to the +progressing youth of his master that the latter swore he was right, +and that he could dance better than he could at thirty, and to prove it +executed, with extraordinary agility for a man who rode at twenty stone, +a _pas seul_ which made the floor rock and set the windows and ornaments +to rattling as if there had been an earthquake. Suddenly, with a loud +“Whew,” he flung himself into an arm-chair, panting and perspiring. +“It’s you, sir,” he gasped--“you put me up to it.” + +“Nor, suh; tain me, Marse Nat--I’s tellin’ you de truf,” asserted +George, moved to defend himself. + +“You infernal old rascal, it is you,” panted the Major, still mopping +his face--“you have been running riot so long you need regulation--I’ll +tell you what I’ll do--I’ll marry and give you a mistress to manage +you--yes, sir, I’ll get married right away. I know the very woman for +you--she’ll make you walk chalk!” + +For thirty years this had been his threat, so George was no more alarmed +than he was at the promise of being sold, or turned loose upon the world +as a free man. He therefore inquired solemnly, + +“Marse Nat, le’ me ax you one thing--you ain’ thinkin’ ‘bout givin’ me +that ole one for a mistis is you?” + +“What old one, fool?” The Major stopped panting. George Washington +denoted the side of his head where Miss Jemima’s thin curls nestled. + +“Get out of this room. Tell Dilsy to pack your chest, I’ll send you off +to-morrow morning.” + +George Washington blinked with the gravity of a terrapin. It might have +been obtuseness; or it might have been silent but exquisite enjoyment +which lay beneath his black skin. + +“George Washington,” said the Major almost in a whisper, “what made you +think that?” + +It was to George Washington’s undying credit that not a gleam flitted +across his ebony countenance as he said solemnly, + +“Marse Nat, I ain say I _think_ nuttin--I jis ax you, Is you?--She been +meckin mighty partic’lar quiration ‘bout de plantation and how many +niggers we got an’ all an’ I jis spicionate she got her eye sort o’ set +on you an’ me, dat’s all.” + +The Major bounced to his feet, and seizing his hat and gloves from the +table, burst out of the room. A minute later he was shouting for his +horse in a voice which might have been heard a mile. + + + + +V. + +Jeff laid to heart the Major’s wisdom; but when it came to acting upon +it the difficulty arose. He often wondered why his tongue became tied +and his throat grew dry when he was in Margaret’s presence these days +and even just thought of saying anything serious to her. He had known +Margaret ever since she was a wee bit of a baby, and had often carried +her in his arms when she was a little girl and even after she grew up +to be “right big.” He had thought frequently of late that he would be +willing to die if he might but take her in his arms. It was, therefore, +with no little disquietude that he observed what he considered his +friend’s growing fancy for her. By the time Lawrence had taken a few +strolls in the garden and a horseback ride or two with her Jeff was +satisfied that he was in love with her, and before a week was out he was +consumed with jealousy. Margaret was not the girl to indulge in repining +on account of her lover’s unhappiness. If Jeff had had a finger-ache, or +had a drop of sorrow but fallen in his cup her eyes would have +softened and her face would have shown how fully she felt with him; but +this--this was different. To wring his heart was a part of the business +of her young ladyhood; it was a healthy process from which would come +greater devotion and more loyal constancy. Then, it was so delightful to +make one whom she liked as she did Jeff look so miserable. Perhaps some +time she would reward him--after a long while, though. Thus, poor Jeff +spent many a wretched hour cursing his fate and cursing Pick Lawrence. +He thought he would create a diversion by paying desperate attention to +Margaret’s guest; but it resolved itself on the first opportunity into +his opening his heart and confiding all his woes to her. In doing this +he fell into the greatest contradiction, declaring one moment that no +one suspected that he was in love with Margaret, and the next vowing +that she had every reason to know he adored her, as he had been in love +with her all her life. It was one afternoon in the drawing-room. Rose, +with much sapience, assured him that no woman could have but one reason +to know it. Jeff dolefully inquired what it was. + +Rising and walking up to him she said in a mysterious whisper,--. + +“Tell her.” + +Jeff, after insisting that he had been telling her for years, lapsed +into a declaration of helpless perplexity. “How can I tell her more than +I have been telling her all along?” he groaned. Rose said she would show +him. She seated herself on the sofa, spread out her dress and placed him +behind her. + +“Now, do as I tell you--no, not so,--_so_;--now lean over,--put +your arm--no, it is not necessary to touch me,” as Jeff, with prompt +apprehension, fell into the scheme, and declared that he was all right +in a rehearsal, and that it was only in the real drama he failed. “Now +say ‘I love you.’” Jeff said it. They were in this attitude when the +door opened suddenly and Margaret stood facing them, her large eyes +opened wider than ever. She backed out and shut the door. + +Jeff sprang up, his face very red. + +Lawyers know that the actions of a man on being charged with a crime are +by no means infallible evidence of his guilt,--but it is hard to satisfy +juries of this fact. If the juries were composed of women perhaps it +would be impossible. + +The ocular demonstration of a man’s arm around a girl’s waist is +difficult to explain on more than one hypothesis. + +After this Margaret treated Jeff with a rigor which came near destroying +the friendship of a lifetime; and Jeff became so desperate that inside +of a week he had had his first quarrel with Lawrence, who had begun to +pay very devoted attention to Margaret, and as that young man was in no +mood to lay balm on a bruised wound, mischief might have been done had +not the Major arrived opportunely on the scene just as the quarrel +came to a white-heat. It was in the hall one morning. There had been a +quarrel. Jeff had just demanded satisfaction; Lawrence had just promised +to afford him this peculiar happiness, and they were both glaring at +each other, when the Major sailed in at the door, ruddy and smiling, and +laying his hat on the table and his riding-whip across it, declared +that before he would stand such a gloomy atmosphere as that created by a +man’s glowering looks, when there was so much sunshine just lying around +to be basked in, he would agree to be “eternally fried in his own fat.” + +“Why, I had expected at least two affairs before this,” he said +jovially, as he pulled off his gloves, “and I’ll be hanged if I shan’t +have to court somebody myself to save the honor of the family.” + +Jeff with dignity informed him that an affair was then brewing, and +Lawrence intimated that they were both interested, when the Major +declared that he would “advise the young lady to discard both and accept +a soberer and a wiser man.” They announced that it was a more serious +affair than he had in mind, and let fall a hint of what had occurred. +The Major for a moment looked gravely from one to the other, and +suggested mutual explanations and retractions; but when both young men +insisted that they were quite determined, and proposed to have a meeting +at once, he changed. He walked over to the window and looked out for a +moment. Then turned and suddenly offered to represent both parties. Jeff +averred that such a proceeding was outside of the Code; this the Major +gravely admitted; but declared that the affair even to this point +appeared not to have been conducted in entire conformity with that +incomparable system of rules, and urged that as Mr. Lawrence was a +stranger and as it was desirable to have the affair conducted with as +much secrecy and dispatch as possible, it might be well for them to meet +as soon as convenient, and he would attend rather as a witness than as a +second. The young men assented to this, and the Major, now thoroughly in +earnest, with much solemnity, offered the use of his pistols, which was +accepted. + +In the discussion which followed, the Major took the lead, and suggested +sunset that afternoon as a suitable time, and the grass-plat between the +garden and the graveyard as a convenient and secluded spot. This also +was agreed to, though Lawrence’s face wore a soberer expression than had +before appeared upon it. + +The Major’s entire manner had changed; his levity had suddenly given +place to a gravity most unusual to him, and instead of his wonted +jollity his face wore an expression of the greatest seriousness. +He, after a casual glance at Lawrence, suddenly insisted that it was +necessary to exchange a cartel, and opening his secretary, with much +pomp proceeded to write. “You see--if things were not regular it would +be butchery,” he explained, considerately, to Lawrence, who winced +slightly at the word. “I don’t want to see you murder each other,” + he went on in a slow comment as he wrote, “I wish you, since you are +determined to shoot--each other--to do it like--gentlemen.” He took a +new sheet. Suddenly he began to shout,-- + +“George--George Washington.” There was no answer, so as he wrote on he +continued to shout at intervals, “George Washington!” + +After a sufficient period had elapsed for a servant crossing the yard +to call to another, who sent a third to summon George, and for that +functionary to take a hasty potation from a decanter as he passed +through the dining-room at his usual stately pace, he appeared at the +door. + +“Did you call, suh?” he inquired, with that additional dignity which +bespoke his recourse to the sideboard as intelligibly as if he had +brought the decanters in his hand. “Did I call!” cried the Major, +without looking up. “Why don’t you come when you hear me?” + +George Washington steadied himself on his feet, and assumed an aggrieved +expression. + +“Do you suppose I can wait for you to drink all the whiskey in my +sideboard? Are you getting deaf-drunk as well as blind-drunk?” he asked, +still writing industriously. + +George Washington gazed up at his old master in the picture on the wall, +and shook his head sadly. + +“Nor, suh, Marse Nat. You know I ain’ drink none to git drunk. I is a +member o’ de church. I is full of de sperit.” + +The Major, as he blotted his paper, assured him that he knew he was +much fuller of it than were his decanters, and George Washington was +protesting further, when his master rose, and addressing Jeff as the +challenger, began to read. He had prepared a formal cartel, and all +the subsequent and consequential documents which appear necessary to a +well-conducted and duly bloodthirsty meeting under the duello, and +he read them with an impressiveness which was only equalled by the +portentious dignity of George Washington. As he stood balancing himself, +and took in the solemn significance of the matter, his whole air +changed; he raised his head, struck a new attitude, and immediately +assumed the position of one whose approval of the affair was of the +utmost moment. + +The Major stated that he was glad that they had decided to use the +regular duelling pistols, not only as they were more convenient--he +having a very fine, accurate pair--but as they were smooth bore and +carried a good, large ball, which made a clean, pretty hole, without +tearing. “Now,” he explained kindly to Lawrence, “the ball from one of +these infernal rifled concerns goes gyrating and tearing its way through +you, and makes an orifice like a _posthole_.” He illustrated his meaning +with a sweeping spiral motion of his clenched fist. + +Lawrence grew a shade whiter, and wondered how Jeff felt and looked, +whilst Jeff set his teeth more firmly as the Major added blandly that +“no gentleman wanted to blow another to pieces like a Sepoy mutineer.” + +George Washington’s bow of exaggerated acquiescence drew the Major’s +attention to him. + +“George Washington, are my pistols clean?” he asked. + +“Yes, suh, clean as yo’ shut-front,” replied George Washington, grandly. + +“Well, clean them again.” + +“Yes, suh,” and George was disappearing with ponderous dignity, when the +Major called him, “George Washington.” + +“Yes, suh.” + +“Tell carpenter William to come to the porch. His services may be +needed,” he explained to Lawrence, “in case there should be a casualty, +you know.” + +“Yes, suh.” George Washington disappeared. A moment later he reopened +the door. + +“Marse Nat.” + +“Sir.” + +“Shall I send de overseer to dig de graves, suh?” + +Lawrence could not help exclaiming, “Good----!” and then checked +himself; and Jeff gave a perceptible start. + +“I will attend to that,” said the Major, and George Washington went out +with an order from Jeff to take the box to the office. + +The Major laid the notes on his desk and devoted himself to a brief +eulogy on the beautiful symmetry of “the Code,” illustrating his +views by apt references to a number of instances in which its absolute +impartiality had been established by the instant death of both parties. +He had just suggested that perhaps the two young men might desire to +make some final arrangements, when George Washington reappeared, drunker +and more imposing than before. In place of his ordinary apparel he had +substituted a yellowish velvet waistcoat and a blue coat with brass +buttons, both of which were several sizes too large for him, as they +had for several years been stretched over the Major’s ample person. He +carried a well-worn beaver hat in his hand, which he never donned except +on extraordinary occasions. + +“De pistils is ready, suh,” he said, in a fine voice, which he +always employed when he proposed to be peculiarly effective. His +self-satisfaction was monumental. + +“Where did you get that coat and waistcoat from, sir?” thundered the +Major. “Who told you you might have them?” + +George Washington was quite taken aback at the unexpectedness of the +assault, and he shuffled one foot uneasily. + +“Well, you see, suh,” he began, vaguely, “I know you warn’ never gwine +to wear ‘em no mo’, and seein’ dat dis was a very serious recasion, +an’ I wuz rip-ripresentin’ Marse Jeff in a jewel, I thought I ought to +repear like a gent’man on dis recasion.” + +“You infernal rascal, didn’t I tell you that the next time you took my +clothes without asking my permission, I was going to shoot you?” + +The Major faced his chair around with a jerk, but George Washington had +in the interim recovered himself. + +“Yes, suh, I remembers dat,” he said, complacently, “but dat didn’t have +no recose to dese solemn recasions when I rip-ripresents a gent’man in +de Code.” + +“Yes, sir, it did, I had this especially in mind,” declared the Major, +unblushingly--“I gave you fair notice, and damn me! if I don’t do it +too before I’m done with you--I’d sell you to-morrow morning if it would +not be a cheat on the man who was fool enough to buy you. My best coat +and waistcoat!”--he looked affectionately at the garments. + +George Washington evidently knew the way to soothe him--“Who ever heah +de beat of dat!” he said in a tone of mild complaint, partly to the +young men and partly to his old master in the ruffles and velvet over +the piano, “Marse Nat, you reckon I ain’ got no better manners ‘n to +teck you _bes’_ coat and weskit! Dis heah coat and weskit nuver did you +no favor anyways--I hear Miss Marg’ret talkin’ ‘bout it de fust time you +ever put ‘em on. Dat’s de reason I tuck ‘em.” Having found an excuse he +was as voluble as a river--“I say to myself, I ain’ gwine let my +young marster wyar dem things no mo’ roun’ heah wid strange ladies an’ +gent’man stayin’ in de house too,--an’ I so consarned about it, I say, +‘George Wash’n’n, you got to git dem things and wyar ‘em yo’self to keep +him f’om doin’ it, dat’s what you got to do,’ I say, and dat’s de reason +I tuk ‘em.” He looked the picture of self-sacrifice. + +But the Major burst forth on him: “Why, you lying rascal, that’s three +different reasons you have given in one breath for taking them.” + At which George Washington shook his woolly head with doleful +self-abnegation. + +“Just look at them!” cried the Major--“My favorite waistcoat! There is +not a crack or a brack in them--They look as nice as they did the day +they were bought!” + +This was too much for George Washington. “Dat’s the favor, suh, of +de pussen what has I t ‘em on,” he said, bowing grandly; at which the +Major, finding his ire giving way to amusement, drove him from the room, +swearing that if he did not shoot him that evening he would set him free +to-morrow morning. + + + + +VI. + +As the afternoon had worn away, and whilst the two principals in the +affair were arranging their matters, the Major had been taking every +precaution to carry out the plan for the meeting. The effect of the +approaching duel upon the old gentleman was somewhat remarkable. He was +in unusually high spirits; his rosy countenance wore an expression of +humorous content; and, from time to time as he bustled about, a smile +flitted across his face, or a chuckle sounded from the depths of his +satin stock. He fell in with Miss Jemima, and related to her a series of +anecdotes respecting duelling and homicide generally, so lurid in their +character that she groaned over the depravity of a region where such +barbarity was practised; but when he solemnly informed her that he felt +satisfied from the signs of the time that some one would be shot in the +neighborhood before twenty-four hours were over, the old lady determined +to return home next day. + +It was not difficult to secure secrecy, as the Major had given +directions that no one should be admitted to the garden. + +For at least an hour before sunset he had been giving directions to +George Washington which that dignitary would have found some difficulty +in executing, even had he remained sober; but which, in his existing +condition, was as impossible as for him to change the kinks in his hair. +The Major had solemnly assured him that if he got drunk he would shoot +him on the spot, and George Washington had as solemnly consented that he +would gladly die if he should be found in this unprecedented condition. +Immediately succeeding which, however, under the weight of the momentous +matters submitted to him, he had, after his habit, sought aid and +comfort of his old friends, the Major’s decanters, and he was shortly in +that condition when he felt that the entire universe depended upon him. +He blacked his shoes at least twenty times, and marched back and +forth in the yard with such portentous importance that the servants +instinctively shrunk away from his august presence. One of the children, +in their frolics, ran against him; George Washington simply said, “Git +out my way,” and without pausing in his gait or deigning to look at him, +slapped him completely over. + +A maid ventured to accost him jocularly to know why he was so finely +dressed. George Washington overwhelmed her with a look of such infinite +contempt and such withering scorn that all the other servants forthwith +fell upon her for “interferin’ in Unc’ George Wash’n’ton’s business.” At +last the Major entered the garden and bade George Washington follow +him; and George Washington having paid his twentieth visit to the +dining-room, and had a final interview with the liquor-case, and having +polished up his old beaver anew, left the office by the side door, +carrying under his arm a mahogany box about two feet long and one foot +wide, partially covered with a large linen cloth. His beaver hat was +cocked on the side of his head, with an air supposed to be impressive. +He wore the Major’s coat and flowered velvet waistcoat respecting which +he had won so signal a victory in the morning, and he flaunted a large +bandanna handkerchief, the ownership of which he had transferred still +more recently. The Major’s orders to George Washington were to convey +the box to the garden in a secret manner, but George Washington was far +too much impressed with the importance of the part he bore in the affair +to lose the opportunity of impressing the other servants. Instead, +therefore, of taking a by-path, he marched ostentatiously through the +yard with a manner which effected his object, if not his master’s, +and which struck the entire circle of servants with inexpressible awe. +However, after he gained the garden and reached a spot where he was no +longer in danger of being observed by any one, he adopted a manner +of the greatest secrecy, and proceeded to the place selected for the +meeting with a degree of caution which could not have been greater had +he been covertly stealing his way through a band of hostile Indians. The +spot chosen for the meeting was a grass plot bounded on three sides +by shrubbery and on the fourth by the wall of the little square within +which had been laid to rest the mortal remains of some half dozen +generations of the Burwells. Though the grass was green and the sky +above was of the deep steely hue which the late afternoon brings; yet +the thick shrubbery which secluded the place gave it an air of wildness, +and the tops of the tall monuments gleaming white over the old wall +against the dark cedars, added an impression of ghostliness which had +long caused the locality to be generally avoided by the negroes from the +time that the afternoon shadows began to lengthen. + +George Washington, indeed, as he made his way stealthily down towards +the rendezvous glanced behind him once or twice as if he were not at +all certain that some impalpable pursuer were not following him, and he +almost jumped out of his shoes when the Major, who had for ten minutes +been pacing up and down the grass-plat in a fume of impatience, caught +sight of him and suddenly shouted, “Why don’t you come on, you--rascal?” + +As soon as George Washington recognized that the voice was not +supernatural, he recovered his courage and at once disarmed the Major, +who, watch in hand, was demanding if he supposed he had nothing else +to do than to wait for him all night, by falling into his vein and +acquiescing in all that he said in abuse of the yet absent duellists, or +at least of one of them. + +He spoke in terms of the severest reprobation of Mr. Lawrence, declaring +that he had never had a high opinion of his courage, or, indeed, of any +quality which he possessed. He was, perhaps, not quite prepared to join +in an attack on Jeff, of whose frequent benefactions he entertained a +lively recollection amounting to gratitude, at least in the accepted +French idea of that virtue, and as he had constituted himself Jeff’s +especial representative for this “solemn recasion,” he felt a personal +interest in defending him to some extent. + +At last the Major ordered him to take out the weapons and some little +time was spent in handling them, George Washington examining them with +the air of a connoisseur. The Major asserted that he had never seen a +prettier spot, and George Washington, immediately striking an attitude, +echoed the sentiment. He was, indeed, so transported with its beauty +that he declared it reminded him of the duel he and the Major fought +with Judge Carrington, which he positively declared, was “a jewel like +you been read about,” and he ended with the emphatic assertion, “Ef dese +gent’mens jes plump each urr like we did de Judge dat evelin!----” + A wave of the hand completed the period. + +The Major turned on him with a positive denial that he had ever even +shot at the Judge, but George Washington unblushingly insisted that they +had, and in fact had shot him twice. “We hit him fyah an’ squar’.” + He levelled a pistol at a tree a few yards distant, and striking an +attitude, squinted along the barrel with the air of an old hand at the +weapon. + +The Major reiterated his statement and recalled the fact that, as he had +told him and others a thousand times, they had shaken hands on the spot, +which George Washington with easy adaptability admitted, but claimed +that “ef he hadn’t ‘a’shook hands we’d ‘a’shot him, sho! Dis here +gent’man ain’ gwine git off quite so easy,” he declared, having already +decided that Lawrence was to experience the deadly accuracy of his and +Jeff’s aim. He ended with an unexpected “Hie!” and gave a little lurch, +which betrayed his condition, but immediately gathered himself together +again. + +The Major looked at him quizzically as he stood pistols in hand in all +the grandeur of his assumed character. The shadow of disappointment at +the non-appearance of the Juel-lists which had rested on his round face, +passed away, and he suddenly asked him which way he thought they had +better stand. George Washington twisted his head on one side and, after +striking a deliberative attitude and looking the plat well over, gave +his judgment. + +“Ah--so,” said the Major, and bade him step off ten paces. + +George Washington cocked his hat considerably more to the side, and +with a wave of his hand, caught from the Major, took ten little mincing +steps; and without turning, glanced back over his shoulder and inquired, +“Ain’ dat mighty fur apart?” + +The Major stated that it was necessary to give them some chance. And +this appeared to satisfy him, for he admitted, “Yas, suh, dat’s so, dee +‘bleeged to have a chance,” and immediately marked a point a yard or +more short of that to which he had stepped.’ + +The Major then announced that he would load the pistols without waiting +for the advent of the other gentlemen, as he “represented both of them.” + +This was too much for so accomplished an adept at the Code as +George Washington, and he immediately asserted that such a thing was +preposterous, asking with some scorn, as he strutted up and down, “Who +ever heah o’ one gent’man ripresentin’ two in a jewel, Marse Nat?” + +The Major bowed politely. “I was afraid it was a little incompatible,” + he said. + +“Of cose it’s incomfatible,” said George Washington. “I ripresents one +and you de t’urr. Dat’s de way! I ripresents _Marse Jeff_. I know _he_ +ain’ gwine fly de track. I done know him from a little lad. Dat urr +gent’man I ain’ know nuttin tall about. You ripresents him.” He waved +his hand in scorn. + +“Ah!” said the Major, as he set laboriously about loading the pistols, +handling the balls somewhat ostentatiously. + +George Washington asserted, “I b’lieve I know mo’ ‘bout the Code ‘n you +does, Marse Nat.” + +The Major looked at him quizzically as he rammed the ball down hard. He +was so skilful that George at length added condescendingly, “But I see +you ain’ forgit how to handle dose things.” + +The Major modestly admitted, as he put on a cap, that he used to be a +pretty fair shot, and George Washington in an attitude as declarative of +his pride in the occasion as his inebriated state admitted, was looking +on with an expression of supreme complacency, when the Major levelled +the weapon and sighted along its barrel. George Washington gave a jump +which sent his cherished beaver bouncing twenty feet. + +“Look out, Marse Nat! Don’ handle dat thing so keerless, please, suh.” + +The Major explained that he was just trying its weight, and declared +that it “came up beautifully;” to which George Washington after he had +regained his damaged helmet assented with a somewhat unsteady voice. The +Major looked at his watch and up at the trees, the tops of which were +still brightened with the reflection from the sunset sky, and muttered +an objurgation at the failure of the principals to appear, vowing that +he never before knew of a similar case, and that at least he had not +expected Jeff to fail to come to time. George Washington again proudly +announced that he represented Jeff and that it was “that urr gent’man +what had done fly de track, that urr gent’man what you ripre-sents, +Marse Nat.” He spoke with unveiled contempt. + +The Major suddenly turned on him. + +“George Washington!” + +“Suh!” He faced him. + +“If my principal fails to appear, I must take his place. The rule is, +the second takes the place of his non-appearing principal.” + +“In cose dat’s de rule,” declared George Washington as if it were +his own suggestion; “de secon’ tecks de place o’ de non-repearin’ +sprinciple, and dat’s what mecks me say what I does, dat man is done run +away, suh, dat’s what’s de motter wid him. He’s jes’ nat-chelly skeered. +He couldn’ face dem things, suh.” He nodded towards the pistols, his +thumbs stuck in the armholes of his flowered velvet vest. As the Major +bowed George Washington continued with a hiccough, “He ain’ like we +gent’mens whar’s ust to ‘em an’ don’ mine ‘em no mo’ ‘n pop-crackers.” + +“George Washington,” said the Major, solemnly, with his eyes set +on George Washington’s velvet waistcoat, “take your choice of these +pistols.” + +The old duellist made his choice with due deliberation. The Major +indicated with a wave of his hand one of the spots which George had +marked for the expected duellists. “Take your stand there, sir.” George +Washington marched grandly up and planted himself with overwhelming +dignity, whilst the Major, with the other pistol in his hand, quietly +took his stand at the other position, facing him. + +“George,” he said, “George Washington.” + +“Suh.” George Washington was never so imposing. + +“My principal, Mr. Pickering Lawrence, having failed to appear at the +designated time and place to meet his engagement with Mr. Jefferson +Lewis, I, as his second and representative, offer myself to take his +place and assume any and all of his obligations.” + +George Washington bowed grandly. + +“Yes, suh, of cose,--dat is accordin’ to de Code,” he said with +solemnity befitting the occasion. + +The Major proceeded. + +“And your principal, Mr. Jefferson Lewis, having likewise failed to +appear at the proper time, you take his place.” + +“Suh,” ejaculated George Washington, in sudden astonishment, turning his +head slightly as if he were not certain he had heard correctly, “Marse +Nat, jis say dat agin, please, suh?” + +The Major elevated his voice and advanced his pistol slightly. + +“I say, your principal, Mr Jefferson Lewis, having in like manner +failed to put in his appearance at the time and place agreed on for the +meeting, you as his representative take his place and assume all his +obligations.” + +“Oh! nor, suh, I don’t!” exclaimed George Washington, shaking his head +so violently that the demoralized beaver fell off again and rolled +around unheeded. “I ain’ bargain for no sich thing as dat. Nor, suh!” + +But the Major was obdurate. + +“Yes, sir, you do. When you accept the position of second, you assume +all the obligations attaching to that position, and----” the Major +advanced his pistol--“I shall shoot at you.” + +George Washington took a step towards him. “Oh! goodness! Marse Nat, you +ain’ gwine do nuttin like dat, is you!” His jaw had fallen, and when +the Major bowed with deep solemnity and replied, “Yes, sir, and you can +shoot at me,” he burst out. + +“Marse Nat, I don’ warn’ shoot at you. What I warn’ shoot at you for? I +ain’ got nuttin ‘ginst you on de fatal uth. You been good master to me +all my days an’----” The Major cut short this sincere tribute to his +virtues, by saying: “Very well, you can shoot or not as you please. I +shall aim at that waistcoat.” He raised his pistol and partially closed +one eye. George Washington dropped on his knees. + +“Oh, Marse Nat, please, suh. What you want to shoot me for? Po’ ole +good-for-nuttin George Washington, whar ain’ nuver done you no harm” + (the Major’s eye glanced over his blue coat and flowered vest; George +saw it), “but jes steal you’ whiskey an’ you’ clo’es an’--Marse Nat, ef +you le’ me off dis time I oon nuver steal no mo’ o’ you’ clo’es, er you’ +whiskey, er nuttin. Marse Nat, you wouldn’ shoot po’ ole good-for-nuttin +George Washington, whar fotch’ up wid you?” + +“Yes, sir, I would,” declared the Major, sternly. “I am going to give +the word, and--” he raised the pistol once more. George Washington began +to creep toward him. “Oh, Lordy! Marse Nat, please, suh, don’ pint dat +thing at me dat away--hit’s loaded! Oh, Lordy!” he shouted. The Major +brandished his weapon fiercely. + +“Stand up, sir, and stop that noise--one--two--three,” he counted, but +George Washington was flat on the ground. + +“Oh, Marse Nat, please, suh, don’t. I’se feared o’ dem things.” A sudden +idea struck him. “Marse Nat, you is about to loss a mighty valuable +nigger,” he pleaded; but the Major simply shouted to him to stand up and +not disgrace the gentleman he represented. George Washington seized on +the word; it was his final hope. + +“Marse Nat, I don’t ripresent nobody, suh, nobody at all, suh. I ain’ +nuttin but a good-for-nuttin, wuthless nigger, whar brung de box down +heah cuz you tole me to, suh, dat’s all. An’ I’ll teek off you’ coat an’ +weskit dis minit ef you’ll jis le’ me git up off de groun’, suh.” Jeff +suddenly appeared. George lay spraddled out on the ground as flat as +a field lark, but at Jeff’s appearance, he sprang behind him. Jeff, in +amazement, was inquiring the meaning of all the noise he had heard, when +Lawrence appeared on the scene. The Major explained briefly. + +“It was that redoubtable champion bellowing. As our principals failed to +appear on time, he being-an upholder of the Code, suggested that we were +bound to take the places respectively of those we represented----” + +“Nor, suh, I don’ ripresent nobody,” interrupted George Washington; but +at a look from the Major he dodged again behind Jeff. The Major, with +his eye on Lawrence, said: + +“Well, gentlemen, let’s to business. We have but a few minutes of +daylight left. I presume you are ready?” + +Both gentlemen bowed, and the Major proceeded to explain that he had +loaded both pistols himself with precisely similar charges, and that +they were identical in trigger, sight, drift, and weight, and had been +tested on a number of occasions, when they had proved to be “excellent +weapons and remarkably accurate in their fire.” The young men bowed +silently; but when he turned suddenly and called “George Washington,” + that individual nearly jumped out of his coat. The Major ordered him +to measure ten paces, which, after first giving notice that he “didn’t +ripre-sent nobody,” he proceeded to do, taking a dozen or more gigantic +strides, and hastily retired again behind the safe bulwark of Jeff’s +back. As he stood there in his shrunken condition, he about as much +resembled the pompous and arrogant duellist of a half-hour previous as +a wet and bedraggled turkey does the strutting, gobbling cock of the +flock. The Major, with an objurgation at him for stepping “as if he had +on seven league boots,” stepped off the distance himself, explaining +to Lawrence that ten paces was about the best distance, as it was +sufficiently distant to “avoid the unpleasantness of letting a gentleman +feel that he was within touching distance,” and yet “near enough to +avoid useless mutilation.” + +Taking out a coin, he announced that he would toss up for the choice +of position, or rather would make a “disinterested person” do so, and, +holding out his hand, he called George Washington to toss it up. There +was no response until the Major shouted, “George Washington, where are +you--you rascal!” + +“Heah me, suh,” said George Washington, in a quavering voice, rising +from the ground, where he had thrown himself to avoid any stray bullets, +and coming slowly forward, with a pitiful, “Please, suh, don’ p’int dat +thing dis away.” + +The Major gave him the coin, with an order to toss it up, in a tone so +sharp that it made him jump; and he began to turn it over nervously +in his hand, which was raised a little above his shoulder. In his +manipulation it slipped out of his hand and disappeared. George +Washington in a dazed way looked in his hand, and then on the ground. +“Hi! whar’ hit?” he muttered, getting down on his knees and searching in +the grass. “Dis heah place is evil-sperited.” + +The Major called to him to hurry up, but he was too intent on solving +the problem of the mysterious disappearance of the quarter. + +“I ain’ nuver like dis graveyard bein’ right heah,” he murmured. “Marse +Nat, don’ you have no mo’ to do wid dis thing.” + +The Major’s patience was giving out. “George Washington, you rascal!” he +shouted, “do you think I can wait all night for you to pull up all the +grass in the garden? Take the quarter out of your pocket, sir!” + +“‘Tain’ in my pocket, suh,” quavered George Washington, feeling there +instinctively, however, when the coin slipped down his sleeve into +his hand again. This was too much for him. “Hi! befo’ de king,” he +exclaimed, “how it git in my pocket? Oh, Marster! de devil is ‘bout +heah, sho’! Marse Nat, you fling it up, suh. I ain’ nuttin but a po’ +sinful nigger. Oh, Lordy!” And handing over the quarter tremulously, +George Washington flung himself flat on the ground and, as a sort of +religious incantation, began to chant in a wild, quavering tone the +funeral hymn: + +“Hark! from the tombs a doleful sound.” + +The Major tossed up and posted the duellists, and with much solemnity +handed them the pistols, which both the two young men received quietly. +They were pale, but perfectly steady. The Major then asked them, +“Gentlemen, are you ready?” whilst at the omnious sound George +Washington’s voice in tremulous falsetto, struck in, + + “Ye-ee--so-ons off meenn co-ome view-ew the-ee groun’, + Wher-ere you-ou m--uss’ shor-ort-ly lie.” + +They announced themselves ready just as George Washington, looking +up from the ground, where he, like the “so-ons off meenn,” was lying, +discovered that he was not more than thirty yards out of the line of +aim, and with a muttered “Lordy!” began to crawl away. + +There was a confused murmur from the direction of the path which led to +the house, and the Major shouted, “Fire--one--two--three.” + +Both young men, facing each other and looking steadily in each other’s +eyes, with simultaneous action fired their pistols into the air. + +At the report a series of shrieks rang out from the shrubbery towards +the house, whilst George Washington gave a wild yell and began to kick +like a wounded bull, bellowing that he was “killed--killed.” + +The Major had just walked up to the duellists, and, relieving them of +their weapons, had with a comprehensive wave of the hand congratulated +them on their courage and urged them to shake hands, which they were +in the act of doing, when the shrubbery parted and Margaret, followed +closely by Rose and by Miss Jemima panting behind, rushed in upon them, +crying at the tops of their voices, “Stop! Stop!” + +The two young ladies addressed themselves respectively to Jeff and +Lawrence, and both were employing all their eloquence when Miss Jemima +appeared. Her eye caught the prostrate form of George Washington, who +lay flat on his face kicking and groaning at intervals. She pounced upon +the Major with so much vehemence that he was almost carried away by the +sudden onset. + +“Oh! You wretch! What have you done?” she panted, scarcely able to +articulate. + +“Done, madam?” asked the Major, gravely. + +“Yes; what have you done to _that_ poor miserable creature--_there!_” + She actually seized the Major and whirled him around with one hand, +whilst with the other she pointed at the prostrate and now motionless +George Washington. + +“What have I been doing with him?” + +“Yes, with _him_. Have you been carrying out your barbarous rite on his +inoffensive person!” she gasped. + +The Major’s eye lit up. + +“Yes, madam,” he said, taking up one of the pistols, “and I rejoice that +you are here to witness its successful termination. George Washington +has been selected as the victim this year; his monstrous lies, his +habitual drunken worthlessness, his roguery, culminating in the open +theft to-day of my best coat and waistcoat, marked him naturally as the +proper sacrifice. I had not the heart to cheat any one by selling him +to him. I was therefore constrained to shoot him. He was, with his usual +triflingness, not killed at the first fire, although he appears to be +dead. I will now finish him by putting a ball into his back; observe +the shot.” He advanced, and cocking the pistol, “click--click,” stuck +it carefully in the middle of George Washington’s fat back. Miss Jemima +gave a piercing shriek and flung herself on the Major to seize the +pistol; but she might have spared herself; for George Washington +suddenly bounded from the ground and, with one glance at the levelled +weapon, rushed crashing through the shrubbery, followed by the laughter +of the young people, the shrieks of Miss Jemima, and the shouts of the +Major for him to come back and let him kill him. + +That evening, when Margaret, seated on the Major’s knee, was rummaging +in his vest pockets for any loose change which might be there (which by +immemorial custom belonged to her), she suddenly pulled out two large, +round bullets. The Major seized them; but it was too late. When, +however, he finally obtained possession of them he presented them to +Miss Jemima, and solemnly requested her to preserve them as mementoes of +George Washington’s miraculous escape. + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of “George Washington’s” Last Duel, by +Thomas Nelson Page + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK “GEORGE WASHINGTON’S” LAST DUEL *** + +***** This file should be named 23013-0.txt or 23013-0.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/0/1/23013/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + http://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. diff --git a/23013-0.zip b/23013-0.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..1cfb789 --- /dev/null +++ b/23013-0.zip diff --git a/23013-h.zip b/23013-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..600719e --- /dev/null +++ b/23013-h.zip diff --git a/23013-h/23013-h.htm b/23013-h/23013-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..62ce64a --- /dev/null +++ b/23013-h/23013-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,2227 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en"> + <head> + <title> + 'George Washington's' Last Duel, by Thomas Nelson Page + </title> + <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + +</style> + </head> + <body> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + +Project Gutenberg's "George Washington's" Last Duel, by Thomas Nelson Page + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: "George Washington's" Last Duel + 1891 + +Author: Thomas Nelson Page + +Release Date: October 12, 2007 [EBook #23013] +Last Updated: October 3, 2016 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: UTF-8 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK "GEORGE WASHINGTON'S" LAST DUEL *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + <div style="height: 8em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h1> + “GEORGE WASHINGTON’S” LAST DUEL + </h1> + <h2> + By Thomas Nelson Page<br /><br />1891 <br /> <br /> + </h2> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + Contents + </h2> + <table summary="" style="margin-right: auto; margin-left: auto"> + <tr> + <td> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0001"> I. </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0002"> II. </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0003"> III. </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0004"> IV. </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0005"> V. </a> + </p> + <p class="toc"> + <a href="#link2H_4_0006"> VI. </a> + </p> + </td> + </tr> + </table> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0001" id="link2H_4_0001"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + I. + </h2> + <p> + Of all the places in the county “The Towers” was the favorite with the + young people. There even before Margaret was installed the Major kept open + house with his major domo and factotum “George Washington”; and when + Margaret came from school, of course it was popular. Only one class of + persons was excluded. + </p> + <p> + There were few people in the county who did not know of the Major’s + antipathy to “old women,” as he called them. Years no more entered into + his definition of this class than celibacy did into his idea of an “old + bachelor.” The state of single blessedness continued in the female sex + beyond the bloom of youth was in his eyes the sole basis of this + unpardonable condition. He made certain concessions to the few individuals + among his neighbors who had remained in the state of spinsterhood, + because, as he declared, neighborliness was a greater virtue than + consistency; but he drew the line at these few, and it was his boast that + no old woman had ever been able to get into his Eden. “One of them,” he + used to say, “would close paradise just as readily now as Eve did six + thousand years ago.” Thus, although as Margaret grew up she had any other + friends she desired to visit her as often as she chose, her wish being the + supreme law at Rock Towers, she had never even thought of inviting one of + the class against whom her uncle’s ruddy face was so steadfastly set. The + first time it ever occurred to her to invite any one among the proscribed + was when she asked Rose Endicott to pay her a visit. Rose, she knew, was + living with her old aunt, Miss Jemima Bridges, whom she had once met in R——-, + and she had some apprehension that in Miss Jemima’s opinion, the condition + of the South was so much like that of the Sandwich Islands that the old + lady would not permit Rose to come without her personal escort. + Accordingly, one evening after tea, when the Major was in a particularly + gracious humor, and had told her several of his oldest and best stories, + Margaret fell upon him unawares, and before he had recovered from the + shock of the encounter, had captured his consent. Then, in order to secure + the leverage of a dispatched invitation, she had immediately written Rose, + asking her and her aunt to come and spend a month or two with her, and had + without delay handed it to George Washington to deliver to Lazarus to give + Luke to carry to the post-office. The next evening, therefore, when the + Major, after twenty-four hours of serious apprehension, reopened the + matter with a fixed determination to coax or buy her out of the notion, + because, as he used to say, “women can’t be <i>reasoned</i> out of a + thing, sir, not having been reasoned in,” Margaret was able to meet him + with the announcement that it was “too late,” as the letter had already + been mailed. + </p> + <p> + Seated in one of the high-backed arm-chairs, with one white hand shading + her laughing eyes from the light, and with her evening dress daintily + spread out about her, Margaret was amused at the look of desperation on + the old gentleman’s ruddy face. He squared his round body before the fire, + braced himself with his plump legs well apart, as if he were preparing to + sustain the shock of a blow, and taking a deep inspiration, gave a loud + and prolonged “Whew!” + </p> + <p> + This was too much for her. + </p> + <p> + Margaret rose, and, going up to him, took his arm and looked into his face + cajolingly. + </p> + <p> + “Uncle, I was bound to have Rose, and Miss Jemima would not have let her + come alone.” + </p> + <p> + The tone was the low, almost plaintive key, the effectiveness of which + Margaret knew so well. + </p> + <p> + “‘Not let her!’” The Major faced her quickly. “Margaret, she is one of + those <i>strong-minded</i> women!” + </p> + <p> + Margaret nodded brightly. + </p> + <p> + “I bet my horse she wears iron-gray curls, caught on the side of her head + with tucking combs!” + </p> + <p> + “She does,” declared Margaret, her eyes dancing. + </p> + <p> + “And has a long nose—red at the end.” + </p> + <p> + “Uncle, you have seen her. I <i>know</i> you have seen her,” asserted + Margaret, laughing up at him. “You have her very picture.” + </p> + <p> + The Major groaned, and vowed that he would never survive it, and that + Margaret would go down to history as the slayer of her uncle. + </p> + <p> + “I have selected my place in the graveyard,” he said, with a mournful + shake of the head. “Put me close to the fence behind the raspberry + thicket, where I shall be secure. Tell her there are snakes there.” + </p> + <p> + “But, uncle, she is as good as gold,” declared Margaret; “she is always + doing good,—I believe she thinks it her mission to save the world.” + </p> + <p> + The Major burst out, “That’s part of this modern devilment of substituting + humanitarianism for Christianity. Next thing they’ll be wanting to abolish + hell!” + </p> + <p> + The Major was so impressed with his peril that when Jeff, who had galloped + over “for a little while,” entered, announced with great ceremony by + George Washington, he poured out all his apprehensions into his + sympathetic ear, and it was only when he began to rally Jeff on the chance + of his becoming a victim to Miss Endicott’s charms, that Margaret + interfered so far as to say, that Rose had any number of lovers, and one + of them was “an awfully nice fellow, handsome and rich and all that.” She + wished “some one” would invite him down to pay a visit in the + neighborhood, for she was “afraid Rose would find it dreadfully dull in + the country.” The Major announced that he would himself make love to her; + but both Margaret and Jeff declared that Providence manifestly intended + him for Miss Jemima. He then suggested that Miss Endicott’s friend be + invited to come with her, but Margaret did not think that would do. + </p> + <p> + “What is the name of this Paragon?” inquired Jeff. + </p> + <p> + Margaret gave his name. “Mr. Lawrence—Pickering Lawrence.” + </p> + <p> + “Why, I know him, ‘Pick Lawrence.’ We were college-mates, class-mates. He + used to be in love with somebody up at his home then; but I never + identified her with your friend. We were great cronies at the University. + He was going to be a lawyer; but I believe somebody died and he came into + a fortune.” This history did not appear to surprise Margaret as much as + might have been expected, and she said nothing more about him. + </p> + <p> + About a week later Jeff took occasion to ride over to tea, and announced + that his friend Mr. Lawrence had promised to run down and spend a few + weeks with him. Margaret looked so pleased and dwelt so much on the + alleged charms of the expected guest that Jeff, with a pang of jealousy, + suddenly asserted that he “didn’t think so much of Lawrence,” that he was + one of those fellows who always pretended to be very much in love with + somebody, and was “always changing his clothes.” + </p> + <p> + “That’s what girls like,” said Margaret, decisively; and this was all the + thanks Jeff received. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0002" id="link2H_4_0002"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + II. + </h2> + <p> + There was immense excitement at the Towers next day when the visitors were + expected. The Major took twice his usual period to dress; George + Washington with a view to steadying his nerves braced them so tight that + he had great difficulty in maintaining his equipoise, and even Margaret + herself was in a flutter quite unusual to one so self-possessed as she + generally was. When, however, the carriage drove up to the door, the + Major, with Margaret a little in advance, met the visitors at the steps in + all the glory of new blue broadcloth and flowered velvet. Sir Charles + Grandison could not have been more elegant, nor Sir Roger more gracious. + Behind him yet grander stood George—George Washington—his + master’s fac-simile in ebony down to the bandanna handkerchief and the + trick of waving the right hand in a flowing curve. It was perhaps this + spectacle which saved the Major, for Miss Jemima was so overwhelmed by + George Washington’s portentous dignity that she exhibited sufficient + humility to place the Major immediately at his ease, and from this time + Miss Jemima was at a disadvantage, and the Major felt that he was master + of the situation. + </p> + <p> + The old lady had never been in the South before except for a few days on + the occasion when Margaret had met her and Rose Endicott at the hotel in R——, + and she had then seen just enough to excite her inquisitiveness. Her + natural curiosity was quite amazing. She was desperately bent on acquiring + information, and whatever she heard she set down in a journal, so as soon + as she became sufficiently acquainted with the Major she began to ply him + with questions. Her seat at table was at the Major’s right, and the + questions which she put to him proved so embarrassing, that the old + gentleman declared to Margaret that if that old woman knew as much as she + wanted to know she would with her wisdom eclipse Solomon and destroy the + value of the Scriptures. He finally hit upon an expedient. He either + traversed every proposition she suggested, or else answered every inquiry + with a statement which was simply astounding. She had therefore not been + at the Towers a week before she was in the possession of facts furnished + by the Major which might have staggered credulity itself. + </p> + <p> + One of the many entries in her journal was to the effect that, according + to Major B——, it was the custom on many plantations to shoot a + slave every year, on the ground that such a sacrifice was generally + salutary; that it was an expiation of past derelictions and a deterrent + from repetition. And she added this memorandum: + </p> + <p> + “The most extraordinary and revolting part of it all is that this + barbarous custom, which might well have been supposed confined to Dahomey, + is justified by such men as Major B—— as a pious act.” She + inserted this query, + </p> + <p> + “Can it be true?” + </p> + <p> + If she did not wholly believe the Major, she did not altogether disbelieve + him. She at least was firmly convinced that it was quite possible. She + determined to inquire privately of George Washington. + </p> + <p> + She might have inquired of one of the numerous maids, whose useless + presence embarrassed her; but the Major foreseeing that she might pursue + her investigation in other directions, had informed her that the rite was + guarded with the greatest care, and that it would be as much as any one’s + life were worth to divulge it. Miss Jemima, therefore, was too loyal to + expose one of her own sex to such danger; so she was compelled to consult + George Washington, whom she believed clever enough to take care of + himself. + </p> + <p> + She accordingly watched several days for an opportunity to see him alone, + but without success. In fact, though she was unaware of it, George + Washington had conceived for her a most violent dislike, and carefully + avoided her. He had observed with growing suspicion Miss Jemima’s + investigation of matters relating to the estate, and her persistent + pursuit of knowledge at the table had confirmed him in his idea that she + contemplated the capture of his master and himself. + </p> + <p> + Like his master, he had a natural antipathy to “old women,” and as the + Major’s threat for years had varied between “setting him free next + morning” and giving him “a mistress to make him walk straight,” George + Washington felt that prudence demanded some vigilance on his part. + </p> + <p> + One day, under cover of the hilarity incident to the presence at dinner of + Jeff and of his guest, Mr. Lawrence, Miss Jemima had pushed her + inquisition even further than usual. George Washington watched her with + growing suspicion, his head thrown back and his eyes half closed, and so, + when, just before dinner was over, he went into the hall to see about the + fire, he, after his habit, took occasion to express his opinion of affairs + to the sundry members of the family who looked down at him from their dim + gilt frames on the wall. + </p> + <p> + “I ain’t pleased wid de way things is gwine on heah at all,” he declared, + poking the fire viciously and addressing his remark more particularly to + an old gentlemen who in ruffles and red velvet sat with crossed legs in a + high-backed chair just over the piano. “Heah me an’ Marse Nat an’ Miss + Margaret been gittin’ long all dese years easy an’ peaceable, an’ Marse + Jeff been comin’ over sociable all de time, an’ d’ ain’ been no trouble + nor nuttin’ till now dat ole ooman what ax mo’ questions ‘n a thousan’ + folks kin answer got to come heah and set up to Marse Nat, an’ talk to him + so he cyarn hardly eat.” He rose from his knees at the hearth, and looking + the old gentleman over the piano squarely in the face, asserted, “She got + her mine sot on bein’ my mistis, dat’s what ‘tis!” This relieved him so + that he returned to his occupation of “chunking” the fire, adding, “When + women sets de mines on a thing, you jes’ well gin up!” + </p> + <p> + So intent was he on relieving himself of the burden on his mind that he + did not hear the door softly open, and did not know any one had entered + until an enthusiastic voice behind him exclaimed: + </p> + <p> + “Oh! what a profound observation!” George Washington started in much + confusion; for it was Miss Jemima, who had stolen away from the table to + intercept him at his task of “fixing the fires.” She had, however, heard + only his concluding sentence, and she now advanced with a beaming smile + intended to conciliate the old butler. George Washington gave the hearth a + final and hasty sweep, and was retiring in a long detour around Miss + Jemima when she accosted him. + </p> + <p> + “Uncle George.” + </p> + <p> + “Marm.” He stopped and half turned. + </p> + <p> + “What a charming old place you have here!” + </p> + <p> + George Washington cast his eye up towards the old gentleman in the + high-backed chair, as much as to say, “You see there? What did I tell + you?” Then he said briefly: + </p> + <p> + “Yes, ‘m.” + </p> + <p> + “What is its extent? How many acres are there in it?” + </p> + <p> + George Washington positively started. He took in several of the family in + his glance of warning. + </p> + <p> + “Well, I declare, marm, I don’t know,” he began; then it occurring to him + that the honor of the family was somehow at stake and must be upheld, he + added, “A leetle mo’ ‘n a hundred thousan’, marm.” His exactness was + convincing. Miss Jemima threw up her hands: + </p> + <p> + “Prodigious! How many nee—— how many persons of the African + blood are there on this vast domain?” she inquired, getting nearer to her + point. + </p> + <p> + George, observing how much she was impressed, eyed her with rising + disdain: + </p> + <p> + “Does you mean niggers, m’m? ‘Bout three thousan’, mum.” + </p> + <p> + Another exclamation of astonishment burst from the old lady’s lips. + </p> + <p> + “If you will permit me to inquire, Uncle George, how old are you?” + </p> + <p> + “She warn see if I kin wuck—dat’s what she’s after,” said George to + himself, with a confidential look at a young gentleman in a hunting dress + on the wall between two windows. Then he said: + </p> + <p> + “Well, I declare, mum, you got me dyah. I ixpec’ I is mos ninety years + ole, I reckon I’se ol’er ‘n you is—I reckon I is.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh!” exclaimed Miss Jemima with a little start as if she had pricked her + finger with a needle. + </p> + <p> + “Marse Nat kin tell you,” continued George; “if you don’t know how ole you + is, all you got to do is to ax him, an’ he kin tell you—he got it + all set down in a book—he kin tell how ole you is to a day.” + </p> + <p> + “Dear, how frightful!” exclaimed Miss Jemima, just as the Major entered + somewhat hastily. + </p> + <p> + “He’s a gone coon,” said George Washington through the crack of the door + to the old gentleman in ruffles, as he pulled the door slowly to from the + outside. + </p> + <p> + The Major had left the young people in the dining-room and had come to get + a book to settle a disputed quotation. He had found the work and was + trying to read it without the ignominy of putting on his glasses, when + Miss Jemima accosted him. + </p> + <p> + “Major, your valet appears to be a very intelligent person.” + </p> + <p> + The Major turned upon her. + </p> + <p> + “My ‘valet’! Madam! I have no valet!” + </p> + <p> + “I mean your body servant, your butler”—explained Miss Jemima. “I + have been much impressed by him.” + </p> + <p> + “George!—George Washington?—you mean George Washington! No, + madam, he has not a particle of intelligence.—He is grossly and + densely stupid. I have never in fifty years been able to get an idea into + his head.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, dear! and I thought him so clever! I was wondering how so intelligent + a person, so well informed, could be a slave.” + </p> + <p> + The Major faced about. + </p> + <p> + “George! George Washington a slave! Madam, you misapprehend the situation. + <i>He</i> is no slave. I am the slave, not only of him but of three + hundred more as arrogant and exacting as the Czar, and as lazy as the + devil!” + </p> + <p> + Miss Jemima threw up her hands in astonishment, and the Major, who was on + a favorite theme, proceeded: + </p> + <p> + “Why, madam, the very coat on my back belongs to that rascal George + Washington, and I do not know when he may take a fancy to order me out of + it. My soul is not my own. He drinks my whiskey, steals my tobacco, and + takes my clothes before my face. As likely as not he will have on this + very waistcoat before the week is out.” + </p> + <p> + The Major stroked his well-filled velvet vest caressingly, as if he + already felt the pangs of the approaching separation. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, dear! You amaze me,” began Miss Jemima. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, madam, I should be amazed myself, except that I have stood it so + long. Why, I had once an affair with an intimate and valued friend, Judge + Carrington. You may have heard of him, a very distinguished man! and I was + indiscreet enough to carry that rascal George Washington to the field, + thinking, of course, that I ought to go like a gentleman, and although the + affair was arranged after we had taken our positions, and I did not have + the pleasure of shooting at him. + </p> + <p> + “Good heavens!” exclaimed Miss Jemima. “<i>The pleasure of shooting at + your friend!</i> Monstrous!” + </p> + <p> + “I say I did not have that pleasure,” corrected the Major, blandly; “the + affair was, as I stated, arranged without a shot; yet do you know? that + rascal George Washington will not allow that it was so, and I understand + he recounts with the most harrowing details the manner in which ‘he and + I,’ as he terms it, shot my friend—murdered him.” + </p> + <p> + Miss Jemima gave an “Ugh. Horrible! What depravity!” she said, almost + under her breath. + </p> + <p> + The Major caught the words. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, madam, it is horrible to think of such depravity. Unquestionably he + deserves death; but what can one do! The law, kept feeble by politicians, + does not permit one to kill them, however worthless they are (he observed + Miss Jemima’s start,)—except, of course, by way of example, under + certain peculiar circumstances, as I have stated to you.” He bowed + blandly. + </p> + <p> + Miss Jemima was speechless, so he pursued. + </p> + <p> + “I have sometimes been tempted to make a break for liberty, and have + thought that if I could once get the rascal on the field, with my old + pistols, I would settle with him which of us is the master.” + </p> + <p> + “Do you mean that you would—would shoot him?” gasped Miss Jemima. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, madam, unless he should be too quick for me,” replied the Major, + blandly,—“or should order me from the field, which he probably would + do.” + </p> + <p> + The old lady turned and hastily left the room. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0003" id="link2H_4_0003"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + III. + </h2> + <p> + Though Miss Jemima after this regarded the Major with renewed suspicion, + and confided to her niece that she did not feel at all safe with him, the + old gentleman was soon on the same terms with Rose that he was on with + Margaret herself. He informed her that he was just twenty-five his “last + grass,” and that he never could, would, or should grow a year older. He + notified Jeff and his friend Mr. Lawrence at the table that he regarded + himself as a candidate for Miss Endicott’s hand, and had “staked” the + ground, and he informed her that as soon as he could bring himself to + break an oath which he had made twenty years before, never to address + another woman, he intended to propose to her. Rose, who had lingered at + the table a moment behind the other ladies, assured the old fellow that he + need fear no rival, and that if he could not muster courage to propose + before she left, as it was leap-year, she would exercise her prerogative + and propose herself. The Major, with his hand on his heart as he held the + door open for her, vowed as Rose swept past him her fine eyes dancing, and + her face dimpling with fun, that he was ready that moment to throw himself + at her feet if it were not for the difficulty of getting up from his + knees. + </p> + <p> + A little later in the afternoon Margaret was down among the rose-bushes, + where Lawrence had joined her, after Rose had executed that inexplicable + feminine manoeuvre of denying herself to oppose a lover’s request. + </p> + <p> + Jeff was leaning against a pillar, pretending to talk to Rose, but + listening more to the snatches of song in Margaret’s rich voice, or to the + laughter which floated up to them from the garden below. + </p> + <p> + Suddenly he said abruptly, “I believe that fellow Lawrence is in love with + Margaret.” + </p> + <p> + Rose insisted on knowing what ground he had for so peculiar an opinion, on + which he incontinently charged his friend with being one of “those fellows + who falls in love with every pretty girl on whom he lays his eyes,” and + declared that he had done nothing but hang around Margaret ever since he + had come to the county. + </p> + <p> + What Rose might have replied to this unexpected attack on one whom she + reserved for her own especial torture cannot be recorded, for the Major + suddenly appeared around the verandah. Both the young people instinctively + straightened up. + </p> + <p> + “Ah! you rascals! I catch you!” he cried, his face glowing with jollity. + “Jeff, you’d better look out,—honey catches a heap of flies, and + sticks mighty hard. Rose, don’t show him any mercy,—kick him, + trample on him.” + </p> + <p> + “I am not honey,” said Rose, with a captivating look out of her bright + eyes. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, you are. If you are not you are the very rose from which it is + distilled.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh, how charming!” cried the young lady. “How I wish some woman could + hear that said to me!” + </p> + <p> + “Don’t give him credit before you hear all his proverb,” said Jeff. “Do + you know what he said in the dining-room?” + </p> + <p> + “Don’t credit <i>him</i> at all,” replied the Major. “Don’t believe him—don’t + listen to him. He is green with envy at my success.” And the old fellow + shook with amusement. + </p> + <p> + “What did he say? Please tell me.” She appealed to Jeff, and then as he + was about to speak, seeing the Major preparing to run, she caught him. + “No, you have to listen. Now tell me,” to Jeff again. + </p> + <p> + “Well, he said honey caught lots of flies, and women lots of fools.” + </p> + <p> + Rose fell back, and pointing her tapering finger at the Major, who, with + mock humility, was watching her closely, declared that she would “never + believe in him again.” The old fellow met her with an unblushing denial of + ever having made such a statement or held such traitorous sentiments, as + it was, he maintained, a well established fact that flies never eat honey + at all. + </p> + <p> + From this moment the Major conceived the idea that Jeff had been caught by + his fair visitor. It had never occurred to him that any one could aspire + to Margaret’s hand. He had thought at one time that Jeff was in danger of + falling a victim to the charms of the pretty daughter of an old friend and + neighbor of his, and though it appeared rather a pity for a young fellow + to fall in love “out of the State,” yet the claims of hospitality, + combined with the fact that rivalry with Mr. Lawrence, against whom, on + account of his foppishness, he had conceived some prejudice, promised a + delightful excitement, more than counterbalanced that objectionable + feature. He therefore immediately constituted himself Jeff’s ardent + champion, and always spoke of the latter’s guest as “that fellow + Lawrence.” + </p> + <p> + Accordingly, when, one afternoon, on his return from his ride, he found + Jeff, who had ridden over to tea, lounging around alone, in a state of + mind as miserable as a man should be who, having come with the expectation + of basking in the sunshine of Beauty’s smile, finds that Beauty is out + horseback riding with a rival, he was impelled to give him aid, + countenance, and advice. He immediately attacked him, therefore, on his + forlorn and woebegone expression, and declared that at his age he would + have long ago run the game to earth, and have carried her home across his + saddle-bow. + </p> + <p> + “You are afraid, sir—afraid,” he asserted, hotly. “I don’t know what + you fellows are coming to.” + </p> + <p> + Jeff admitted the accusation. “He feared,” he said, “that he could not get + a girl to have him.” He was looking rather red when the Major cut him + short. + </p> + <p> + “‘Fear,’ sir! Fear catches kicks, not kisses. ‘Not <i>get</i> a girl to + have you!’ Well, upon my soul! Why don’t you run after her and bawl like a + baby for her to stop, whilst you get down on your knees and—<i>get</i> + her to have you!” + </p> + <p> + Jeff was too dejected to be stung even by this unexpected attack. He + merely said, dolorously: + </p> + <p> + “Well, how the deuce can it be done?” + </p> + <p> + “<i>Make</i> her, sir—<i>make</i> her,” cried the Major. “Coerce her—compel + her.” The old fellow was in his element. He shook his grizzled head, and + brought his hollowed hands together with sounding emphasis. + </p> + <p> + Jeff suggested that perhaps she might be impregnable, but the old fellow + affirmed that no woman was this; that no fortress was too strong to be + carried; that it all depended on the assailant and the vehemence of the + assault; and if one did not succeed, another would. The young man + brightened. His mentor, however, dashed his rising hopes by saying: “But + mark this, sir, no coward can succeed. Women are rank cowards themselves, + and they demand courage in their conquerors. Do you think a woman will + marry a man who trembles before her? By Jove, sir! He must make her + tremble!” + </p> + <p> + Jeff admitted dubiously that this sounded like wisdom. The Major burst + out, “Wisdom, sir! It is the wisdom of Solomon, who had a thousand wives!” + </p> + <p> + From this time the Major constituted himself Jeff’s ally, and was ready to + take the field on his behalf against any and all comers. Therefore, when + he came into the hall one day when Rose was at the piano, running her + fingers idly over the keys, whilst Lawrence was leaning over her talking, + he exclaimed: + </p> + <p> + “Hello! what treason’s this? I’ll tell Jeff. He was consulting me only + yesterday about—” + </p> + <p> + Lawrence muttered an objurgation; but Rose wheeled around on the + piano-stool and faced him. + </p> + <p> + —“Only yesterday about the best mode of winning—” He stopped + tantalizingly. + </p> + <p> + “Of winning what? I am so interested.” She rose and stood just before him + with a cajoling air. The Major shut his mouth tight. + </p> + <p> + “I’m as dumb as an oyster. Do you think I would betray my friend’s + confidence—for nothing? I’m as silent as the oracle of Delphi.” + </p> + <p> + Lawrence looked anxious, and Rose followed the old man closely. + </p> + <p> + “I’ll pay you anything.” + </p> + <p> + “I demand payment in coin that buys youth from age.” He touched his lips, + and catching Rose leaned slowly forward and kissed her. + </p> + <p> + “Now, tell me—what did he say? A bargain’s a bargain,” she laughed + as Lawrence almost ground his teeth. + </p> + <p> + “Well, he said,—he said, let me see, what did he say?” paltered the + Major. “He said he could not get a girl he loved to have him.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh! did he say <i>that?</i>” She was so much interested that she just + knew that Lawrence half stamped his foot. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, he said just that, and I told him—” + </p> + <p> + “Well,—what did you say?” + </p> + <p> + “Oh! I did not bargain to tell what <i>I</i> told <i>him</i>. I received + payment only for betraying his confidence. If you drive a bargain I will + drive one also.” + </p> + <p> + Rose declared that he was the greatest old screw she ever knew, but she + paid the price, and waited. + </p> + <p> + “Well?—” + </p> + <p> + “‘Well?’ Of course, I told him ‘well.’ I gave him the best advice a man + ever received. A lawyer would have charged him five hundred dollars for + it. I’m an oracle on heart-capture.” + </p> + <p> + Rose laughingly declared she would have to consult him herself, and when + the Major told her to consult only her mirror, gave him a courtesy and + wished he would teach some young men of her acquaintance to make such + speeches. The old fellow vowed, however, that they were unteachable; that + he would as soon expect to teach young moles. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0004" id="link2H_4_0004"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + IV. + </h2> + <p> + It was not more than a half hour after this when George Washington came in + and found the Major standing before the long mirror, turning around and + holding his coat back from his plump sides so as to obtain a fair view of + his ample dimensions. + </p> + <p> + “George Washington,” said he. + </p> + <p> + “Suh.” + </p> + <p> + “I’m afraid I’m growing a little too stout.” + </p> + <p> + George Washington walked around and looked at him with the critical gaze + of a butcher appraising a fat ox. + </p> + <p> + “Oh! nor, suh, you aint, not to say <i>too</i> stout,” he finally decided + as the result of this inspection, “you jis gittin’ sort o’ potely. Hit’s + monsus becomin’ to you.” + </p> + <p> + “Do you think so?” The Major was manifestly flattered. “I was apprehensive + that I might be growing a trifle fat,”—he turned carefully around + before the mirror,—“and from a fat old man and a scrawny old woman, + Heaven deliver us, George Washington!” + </p> + <p> + “Nor, suh, you ain’ got a ounce too much meat on you,” said George, + reassuringly; “how much you weigh, Marse Nat, last time you was on de + stilyards?” he inquired with wily interest. + </p> + <p> + The Major faced him. + </p> + <p> + “George Washington, the last time I weighed I tipped the beam at one + hundred and forty-three pounds, and I had the waist of a girl.” + </p> + <p> + He laid his fat hands with the finger tips touching on his round sides + about where the long since reversed curves of the lamented waist once + were, and gazed at George with comical melancholy. + </p> + <p> + “Dat’s so,” assented the latter, with wonted acquiescence. “I ‘members hit + well, suh, dat wuz when me and you wuz down in Gloucester tryin’ to git up + spunk to co’te Miss Ailsy Mann. Dat’s mo’n thirty years ago.” + </p> + <p> + The Major reflected. “It cannot be thirty years!—thir—ty—years,” + he mused. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, suh, an’ better, too. ‘Twuz befo’ we fit de duil wid Jedge + Carrington. I know dat, ‘cause dat’s what we shoot him ‘bout—‘cause + he co’te Miss Ailsy an’ cut we out.” + </p> + <p> + “Damn your memory! Thirty years! I could dance all night then—every + night in the week—and now I can hardly mount my horse without + getting the thumps.” + </p> + <p> + George Washington, affected by his reminiscences, declared that he had + heard one of the ladies saying, “just the other day,” what “a fine portly + gentleman” he was. + </p> + <p> + The Major brightened. + </p> + <p> + “Did you hear that? George Washington, if you tell me a lie I’ll set you + free!” It was his most terrible threat, used only on occasions of + exceptional provocation. + </p> + <p> + George vowed that no reward could induce him to be guilty of such an + enormity, and followed it up by so skilful an allusion to the progressing + youth of his master that the latter swore he was right, and that he could + dance better than he could at thirty, and to prove it executed, with + extraordinary agility for a man who rode at twenty stone, a <i>pas seul</i> + which made the floor rock and set the windows and ornaments to rattling as + if there had been an earthquake. Suddenly, with a loud “Whew,” he flung + himself into an arm-chair, panting and perspiring. “It’s you, sir,” he + gasped—“you put me up to it.” + </p> + <p> + “Nor, suh; tain me, Marse Nat—I’s tellin’ you de truf,” asserted + George, moved to defend himself. + </p> + <p> + “You infernal old rascal, it is you,” panted the Major, still mopping his + face—“you have been running riot so long you need regulation—I’ll + tell you what I’ll do—I’ll marry and give you a mistress to manage + you—yes, sir, I’ll get married right away. I know the very woman for + you—she’ll make you walk chalk!” + </p> + <p> + For thirty years this had been his threat, so George was no more alarmed + than he was at the promise of being sold, or turned loose upon the world + as a free man. He therefore inquired solemnly, + </p> + <p> + “Marse Nat, le’ me ax you one thing—you ain’ thinkin’ ‘bout givin’ + me that ole one for a mistis is you?” + </p> + <p> + “What old one, fool?” The Major stopped panting. George Washington denoted + the side of his head where Miss Jemima’s thin curls nestled. + </p> + <p> + “Get out of this room. Tell Dilsy to pack your chest, I’ll send you off + to-morrow morning.” + </p> + <p> + George Washington blinked with the gravity of a terrapin. It might have + been obtuseness; or it might have been silent but exquisite enjoyment + which lay beneath his black skin. + </p> + <p> + “George Washington,” said the Major almost in a whisper, “what made you + think that?” + </p> + <p> + It was to George Washington’s undying credit that not a gleam flitted + across his ebony countenance as he said solemnly, + </p> + <p> + “Marse Nat, I ain say I <i>think</i> nuttin—I jis ax you, Is you?—She + been meckin mighty partic’lar quiration ‘bout de plantation and how many + niggers we got an’ all an’ I jis spicionate she got her eye sort o’ set on + you an’ me, dat’s all.” + </p> + <p> + The Major bounced to his feet, and seizing his hat and gloves from the + table, burst out of the room. A minute later he was shouting for his horse + in a voice which might have been heard a mile. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0005" id="link2H_4_0005"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + V. + </h2> + <p> + Jeff laid to heart the Major’s wisdom; but when it came to acting upon it + the difficulty arose. He often wondered why his tongue became tied and his + throat grew dry when he was in Margaret’s presence these days and even + just thought of saying anything serious to her. He had known Margaret ever + since she was a wee bit of a baby, and had often carried her in his arms + when she was a little girl and even after she grew up to be “right big.” + He had thought frequently of late that he would be willing to die if he + might but take her in his arms. It was, therefore, with no little + disquietude that he observed what he considered his friend’s growing fancy + for her. By the time Lawrence had taken a few strolls in the garden and a + horseback ride or two with her Jeff was satisfied that he was in love with + her, and before a week was out he was consumed with jealousy. Margaret was + not the girl to indulge in repining on account of her lover’s unhappiness. + If Jeff had had a finger-ache, or had a drop of sorrow but fallen in his + cup her eyes would have softened and her face would have shown how fully + she felt with him; but this—this was different. To wring his heart + was a part of the business of her young ladyhood; it was a healthy process + from which would come greater devotion and more loyal constancy. Then, it + was so delightful to make one whom she liked as she did Jeff look so + miserable. Perhaps some time she would reward him—after a long + while, though. Thus, poor Jeff spent many a wretched hour cursing his fate + and cursing Pick Lawrence. He thought he would create a diversion by + paying desperate attention to Margaret’s guest; but it resolved itself on + the first opportunity into his opening his heart and confiding all his + woes to her. In doing this he fell into the greatest contradiction, + declaring one moment that no one suspected that he was in love with + Margaret, and the next vowing that she had every reason to know he adored + her, as he had been in love with her all her life. It was one afternoon in + the drawing-room. Rose, with much sapience, assured him that no woman + could have but one reason to know it. Jeff dolefully inquired what it was. + </p> + <p> + Rising and walking up to him she said in a mysterious whisper,—. + </p> + <p> + “Tell her.” + </p> + <p> + Jeff, after insisting that he had been telling her for years, lapsed into + a declaration of helpless perplexity. “How can I tell her more than I have + been telling her all along?” he groaned. Rose said she would show him. She + seated herself on the sofa, spread out her dress and placed him behind + her. + </p> + <p> + “Now, do as I tell you—no, not so,—<i>so</i>;—now lean + over,—put your arm—no, it is not necessary to touch me,” as + Jeff, with prompt apprehension, fell into the scheme, and declared that he + was all right in a rehearsal, and that it was only in the real drama he + failed. “Now say ‘I love you.’” Jeff said it. They were in this attitude + when the door opened suddenly and Margaret stood facing them, her large + eyes opened wider than ever. She backed out and shut the door. + </p> + <p> + Jeff sprang up, his face very red. + </p> + <p> + Lawyers know that the actions of a man on being charged with a crime are + by no means infallible evidence of his guilt,—but it is hard to + satisfy juries of this fact. If the juries were composed of women perhaps + it would be impossible. + </p> + <p> + The ocular demonstration of a man’s arm around a girl’s waist is difficult + to explain on more than one hypothesis. + </p> + <p> + After this Margaret treated Jeff with a rigor which came near destroying + the friendship of a lifetime; and Jeff became so desperate that inside of + a week he had had his first quarrel with Lawrence, who had begun to pay + very devoted attention to Margaret, and as that young man was in no mood + to lay balm on a bruised wound, mischief might have been done had not the + Major arrived opportunely on the scene just as the quarrel came to a + white-heat. It was in the hall one morning. There had been a quarrel. Jeff + had just demanded satisfaction; Lawrence had just promised to afford him + this peculiar happiness, and they were both glaring at each other, when + the Major sailed in at the door, ruddy and smiling, and laying his hat on + the table and his riding-whip across it, declared that before he would + stand such a gloomy atmosphere as that created by a man’s glowering looks, + when there was so much sunshine just lying around to be basked in, he + would agree to be “eternally fried in his own fat.” + </p> + <p> + “Why, I had expected at least two affairs before this,” he said jovially, + as he pulled off his gloves, “and I’ll be hanged if I shan’t have to court + somebody myself to save the honor of the family.” + </p> + <p> + Jeff with dignity informed him that an affair was then brewing, and + Lawrence intimated that they were both interested, when the Major declared + that he would “advise the young lady to discard both and accept a soberer + and a wiser man.” They announced that it was a more serious affair than he + had in mind, and let fall a hint of what had occurred. The Major for a + moment looked gravely from one to the other, and suggested mutual + explanations and retractions; but when both young men insisted that they + were quite determined, and proposed to have a meeting at once, he changed. + He walked over to the window and looked out for a moment. Then turned and + suddenly offered to represent both parties. Jeff averred that such a + proceeding was outside of the Code; this the Major gravely admitted; but + declared that the affair even to this point appeared not to have been + conducted in entire conformity with that incomparable system of rules, and + urged that as Mr. Lawrence was a stranger and as it was desirable to have + the affair conducted with as much secrecy and dispatch as possible, it + might be well for them to meet as soon as convenient, and he would attend + rather as a witness than as a second. The young men assented to this, and + the Major, now thoroughly in earnest, with much solemnity, offered the use + of his pistols, which was accepted. + </p> + <p> + In the discussion which followed, the Major took the lead, and suggested + sunset that afternoon as a suitable time, and the grass-plat between the + garden and the graveyard as a convenient and secluded spot. This also was + agreed to, though Lawrence’s face wore a soberer expression than had + before appeared upon it. + </p> + <p> + The Major’s entire manner had changed; his levity had suddenly given place + to a gravity most unusual to him, and instead of his wonted jollity his + face wore an expression of the greatest seriousness. He, after a casual + glance at Lawrence, suddenly insisted that it was necessary to exchange a + cartel, and opening his secretary, with much pomp proceeded to write. “You + see—if things were not regular it would be butchery,” he explained, + considerately, to Lawrence, who winced slightly at the word. “I don’t want + to see you murder each other,” he went on in a slow comment as he wrote, + “I wish you, since you are determined to shoot—each other—to + do it like—gentlemen.” He took a new sheet. Suddenly he began to + shout,— + </p> + <p> + “George—George Washington.” There was no answer, so as he wrote on + he continued to shout at intervals, “George Washington!” + </p> + <p> + After a sufficient period had elapsed for a servant crossing the yard to + call to another, who sent a third to summon George, and for that + functionary to take a hasty potation from a decanter as he passed through + the dining-room at his usual stately pace, he appeared at the door. + </p> + <p> + “Did you call, suh?” he inquired, with that additional dignity which + bespoke his recourse to the sideboard as intelligibly as if he had brought + the decanters in his hand. “Did I call!” cried the Major, without looking + up. “Why don’t you come when you hear me?” + </p> + <p> + George Washington steadied himself on his feet, and assumed an aggrieved + expression. + </p> + <p> + “Do you suppose I can wait for you to drink all the whiskey in my + sideboard? Are you getting deaf-drunk as well as blind-drunk?” he asked, + still writing industriously. + </p> + <p> + George Washington gazed up at his old master in the picture on the wall, + and shook his head sadly. + </p> + <p> + “Nor, suh, Marse Nat. You know I ain’ drink none to git drunk. I is a + member o’ de church. I is full of de sperit.” + </p> + <p> + The Major, as he blotted his paper, assured him that he knew he was much + fuller of it than were his decanters, and George Washington was protesting + further, when his master rose, and addressing Jeff as the challenger, + began to read. He had prepared a formal cartel, and all the subsequent and + consequential documents which appear necessary to a well-conducted and + duly bloodthirsty meeting under the duello, and he read them with an + impressiveness which was only equalled by the portentious dignity of + George Washington. As he stood balancing himself, and took in the solemn + significance of the matter, his whole air changed; he raised his head, + struck a new attitude, and immediately assumed the position of one whose + approval of the affair was of the utmost moment. + </p> + <p> + The Major stated that he was glad that they had decided to use the regular + duelling pistols, not only as they were more convenient—he having a + very fine, accurate pair—but as they were smooth bore and carried a + good, large ball, which made a clean, pretty hole, without tearing. “Now,” + he explained kindly to Lawrence, “the ball from one of these infernal + rifled concerns goes gyrating and tearing its way through you, and makes + an orifice like a <i>posthole</i>.” He illustrated his meaning with a + sweeping spiral motion of his clenched fist. + </p> + <p> + Lawrence grew a shade whiter, and wondered how Jeff felt and looked, + whilst Jeff set his teeth more firmly as the Major added blandly that “no + gentleman wanted to blow another to pieces like a Sepoy mutineer.” + </p> + <p> + George Washington’s bow of exaggerated acquiescence drew the Major’s + attention to him. + </p> + <p> + “George Washington, are my pistols clean?” he asked. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, suh, clean as yo’ shut-front,” replied George Washington, grandly. + </p> + <p> + “Well, clean them again.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, suh,” and George was disappearing with ponderous dignity, when the + Major called him, “George Washington.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, suh.” + </p> + <p> + “Tell carpenter William to come to the porch. His services may be needed,” + he explained to Lawrence, “in case there should be a casualty, you know.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, suh.” George Washington disappeared. A moment later he reopened the + door. + </p> + <p> + “Marse Nat.” + </p> + <p> + “Sir.” + </p> + <p> + “Shall I send de overseer to dig de graves, suh?” + </p> + <p> + Lawrence could not help exclaiming, “Good——!” and then checked + himself; and Jeff gave a perceptible start. + </p> + <p> + “I will attend to that,” said the Major, and George Washington went out + with an order from Jeff to take the box to the office. + </p> + <p> + The Major laid the notes on his desk and devoted himself to a brief eulogy + on the beautiful symmetry of “the Code,” illustrating his views by apt + references to a number of instances in which its absolute impartiality had + been established by the instant death of both parties. He had just + suggested that perhaps the two young men might desire to make some final + arrangements, when George Washington reappeared, drunker and more imposing + than before. In place of his ordinary apparel he had substituted a + yellowish velvet waistcoat and a blue coat with brass buttons, both of + which were several sizes too large for him, as they had for several years + been stretched over the Major’s ample person. He carried a well-worn + beaver hat in his hand, which he never donned except on extraordinary + occasions. + </p> + <p> + “De pistils is ready, suh,” he said, in a fine voice, which he always + employed when he proposed to be peculiarly effective. His + self-satisfaction was monumental. + </p> + <p> + “Where did you get that coat and waistcoat from, sir?” thundered the + Major. “Who told you you might have them?” + </p> + <p> + George Washington was quite taken aback at the unexpectedness of the + assault, and he shuffled one foot uneasily. + </p> + <p> + “Well, you see, suh,” he began, vaguely, “I know you warn’ never gwine to + wear ‘em no mo’, and seein’ dat dis was a very serious recasion, an’ I wuz + rip-ripresentin’ Marse Jeff in a jewel, I thought I ought to repear like a + gent’man on dis recasion.” + </p> + <p> + “You infernal rascal, didn’t I tell you that the next time you took my + clothes without asking my permission, I was going to shoot you?” + </p> + <p> + The Major faced his chair around with a jerk, but George Washington had in + the interim recovered himself. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, suh, I remembers dat,” he said, complacently, “but dat didn’t have + no recose to dese solemn recasions when I rip-ripresents a gent’man in de + Code.” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir, it did, I had this especially in mind,” declared the Major, + unblushingly—“I gave you fair notice, and damn me! if I don’t do it + too before I’m done with you—I’d sell you to-morrow morning if it + would not be a cheat on the man who was fool enough to buy you. My best + coat and waistcoat!”—he looked affectionately at the garments. + </p> + <p> + George Washington evidently knew the way to soothe him—“Who ever + heah de beat of dat!” he said in a tone of mild complaint, partly to the + young men and partly to his old master in the ruffles and velvet over the + piano, “Marse Nat, you reckon I ain’ got no better manners ‘n to teck you + <i>bes’’</i> coat and weskit! Dis heah coat and weskit nuver did you no + favor anyways—I hear Miss Marg’ret talkin’ ‘bout it de fust time you + ever put ‘em on. Dat’s de reason I tuck ‘em.” Having found an excuse he + was as voluble as a river—“I say to myself, I ain’ gwine let my + young marster wyar dem things no mo’ roun’ heah wid strange ladies an’ + gent’man stayin’ in de house too,—an’ I so consarned about it, I + say, ‘George Wash’n’n, you got to git dem things and wyar ‘em yo’self to + keep him f’om doin’ it, dat’s what you got to do,’ I say, and dat’s de + reason I tuk ‘em.” He looked the picture of self-sacrifice. + </p> + <p> + But the Major burst forth on him: “Why, you lying rascal, that’s three + different reasons you have given in one breath for taking them.” At which + George Washington shook his woolly head with doleful self-abnegation. + </p> + <p> + “Just look at them!” cried the Major—“My favorite waistcoat! There + is not a crack or a brack in them—They look as nice as they did the + day they were bought!” + </p> + <p> + This was too much for George Washington. “Dat’s the favor, suh, of de + pussen what has I t ‘em on,” he said, bowing grandly; at which the Major, + finding his ire giving way to amusement, drove him from the room, swearing + that if he did not shoot him that evening he would set him free to-morrow + morning. + </p> + <p> + <a name="link2H_4_0006" id="link2H_4_0006"> + <!-- H2 anchor --> </a> + </p> + <div style="height: 4em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> + <h2> + VI. + </h2> + <p> + As the afternoon had worn away, and whilst the two principals in the + affair were arranging their matters, the Major had been taking every + precaution to carry out the plan for the meeting. The effect of the + approaching duel upon the old gentleman was somewhat remarkable. He was in + unusually high spirits; his rosy countenance wore an expression of + humorous content; and, from time to time as he bustled about, a smile + flitted across his face, or a chuckle sounded from the depths of his satin + stock. He fell in with Miss Jemima, and related to her a series of + anecdotes respecting duelling and homicide generally, so lurid in their + character that she groaned over the depravity of a region where such + barbarity was practised; but when he solemnly informed her that he felt + satisfied from the signs of the time that some one would be shot in the + neighborhood before twenty-four hours were over, the old lady determined + to return home next day. + </p> + <p> + It was not difficult to secure secrecy, as the Major had given directions + that no one should be admitted to the garden. + </p> + <p> + For at least an hour before sunset he had been giving directions to George + Washington which that dignitary would have found some difficulty in + executing, even had he remained sober; but which, in his existing + condition, was as impossible as for him to change the kinks in his hair. + The Major had solemnly assured him that if he got drunk he would shoot him + on the spot, and George Washington had as solemnly consented that he would + gladly die if he should be found in this unprecedented condition. + Immediately succeeding which, however, under the weight of the momentous + matters submitted to him, he had, after his habit, sought aid and comfort + of his old friends, the Major’s decanters, and he was shortly in that + condition when he felt that the entire universe depended upon him. He + blacked his shoes at least twenty times, and marched back and forth in the + yard with such portentous importance that the servants instinctively + shrunk away from his august presence. One of the children, in their + frolics, ran against him; George Washington simply said, “Git out my way,” + and without pausing in his gait or deigning to look at him, slapped him + completely over. + </p> + <p> + A maid ventured to accost him jocularly to know why he was so finely + dressed. George Washington overwhelmed her with a look of such infinite + contempt and such withering scorn that all the other servants forthwith + fell upon her for “interferin’ in Unc’ George Wash’n’ton’s business.” At + last the Major entered the garden and bade George Washington follow him; + and George Washington having paid his twentieth visit to the dining-room, + and had a final interview with the liquor-case, and having polished up his + old beaver anew, left the office by the side door, carrying under his arm + a mahogany box about two feet long and one foot wide, partially covered + with a large linen cloth. His beaver hat was cocked on the side of his + head, with an air supposed to be impressive. He wore the Major’s coat and + flowered velvet waistcoat respecting which he had won so signal a victory + in the morning, and he flaunted a large bandanna handkerchief, the + ownership of which he had transferred still more recently. The Major’s + orders to George Washington were to convey the box to the garden in a + secret manner, but George Washington was far too much impressed with the + importance of the part he bore in the affair to lose the opportunity of + impressing the other servants. Instead, therefore, of taking a by-path, he + marched ostentatiously through the yard with a manner which effected his + object, if not his master’s, and which struck the entire circle of + servants with inexpressible awe. However, after he gained the garden and + reached a spot where he was no longer in danger of being observed by any + one, he adopted a manner of the greatest secrecy, and proceeded to the + place selected for the meeting with a degree of caution which could not + have been greater had he been covertly stealing his way through a band of + hostile Indians. The spot chosen for the meeting was a grass plot bounded + on three sides by shrubbery and on the fourth by the wall of the little + square within which had been laid to rest the mortal remains of some half + dozen generations of the Burwells. Though the grass was green and the sky + above was of the deep steely hue which the late afternoon brings; yet the + thick shrubbery which secluded the place gave it an air of wildness, and + the tops of the tall monuments gleaming white over the old wall against + the dark cedars, added an impression of ghostliness which had long caused + the locality to be generally avoided by the negroes from the time that the + afternoon shadows began to lengthen. + </p> + <p> + George Washington, indeed, as he made his way stealthily down towards the + rendezvous glanced behind him once or twice as if he were not at all + certain that some impalpable pursuer were not following him, and he almost + jumped out of his shoes when the Major, who had for ten minutes been + pacing up and down the grass-plat in a fume of impatience, caught sight of + him and suddenly shouted, “Why don’t you come on, you—rascal?” + </p> + <p> + As soon as George Washington recognized that the voice was not + supernatural, he recovered his courage and at once disarmed the Major, + who, watch in hand, was demanding if he supposed he had nothing else to do + than to wait for him all night, by falling into his vein and acquiescing + in all that he said in abuse of the yet absent duellists, or at least of + one of them. + </p> + <p> + He spoke in terms of the severest reprobation of Mr. Lawrence, declaring + that he had never had a high opinion of his courage, or, indeed, of any + quality which he possessed. He was, perhaps, not quite prepared to join in + an attack on Jeff, of whose frequent benefactions he entertained a lively + recollection amounting to gratitude, at least in the accepted French idea + of that virtue, and as he had constituted himself Jeff’s especial + representative for this “solemn recasion,” he felt a personal interest in + defending him to some extent. + </p> + <p> + At last the Major ordered him to take out the weapons and some little time + was spent in handling them, George Washington examining them with the air + of a connoisseur. The Major asserted that he had never seen a prettier + spot, and George Washington, immediately striking an attitude, echoed the + sentiment. He was, indeed, so transported with its beauty that he declared + it reminded him of the duel he and the Major fought with Judge Carrington, + which he positively declared, was “a jewel like you been read about,” and + he ended with the emphatic assertion, “Ef dese gent’mens jes plump each + urr like we did de Judge dat evelin!——” A wave of the hand + completed the period. + </p> + <p> + The Major turned on him with a positive denial that he had ever even shot + at the Judge, but George Washington unblushingly insisted that they had, + and in fact had shot him twice. “We hit him fyah an’ squar’.” He levelled + a pistol at a tree a few yards distant, and striking an attitude, squinted + along the barrel with the air of an old hand at the weapon. + </p> + <p> + The Major reiterated his statement and recalled the fact that, as he had + told him and others a thousand times, they had shaken hands on the spot, + which George Washington with easy adaptability admitted, but claimed that + “ef he hadn’t ‘a’shook hands we’d ‘a’shot him, sho! Dis here gent’man ain’ + gwine git off quite so easy,” he declared, having already decided that + Lawrence was to experience the deadly accuracy of his and Jeff’s aim. He + ended with an unexpected “Hie!” and gave a little lurch, which betrayed + his condition, but immediately gathered himself together again. + </p> + <p> + The Major looked at him quizzically as he stood pistols in hand in all the + grandeur of his assumed character. The shadow of disappointment at the + non-appearance of the Juel-lists which had rested on his round face, + passed away, and he suddenly asked him which way he thought they had + better stand. George Washington twisted his head on one side and, after + striking a deliberative attitude and looking the plat well over, gave his + judgment. + </p> + <p> + “Ah—so,” said the Major, and bade him step off ten paces. + </p> + <p> + George Washington cocked his hat considerably more to the side, and with a + wave of his hand, caught from the Major, took ten little mincing steps; + and without turning, glanced back over his shoulder and inquired, “Ain’ + dat mighty fur apart?” + </p> + <p> + The Major stated that it was necessary to give them some chance. And this + appeared to satisfy him, for he admitted, “Yas, suh, dat’s so, dee + ‘bleeged to have a chance,” and immediately marked a point a yard or more + short of that to which he had stepped.’ + </p> + <p> + The Major then announced that he would load the pistols without waiting + for the advent of the other gentlemen, as he “represented both of them.” + </p> + <p> + This was too much for so accomplished an adept at the Code as George + Washington, and he immediately asserted that such a thing was + preposterous, asking with some scorn, as he strutted up and down, “Who + ever heah o’ one gent’man ripresentin’ two in a jewel, Marse Nat?” + </p> + <p> + The Major bowed politely. “I was afraid it was a little incompatible,” he + said. + </p> + <p> + “Of cose it’s incomfatible,” said George Washington. “I ripresents one and + you de t’urr. Dat’s de way! I ripresents <i>Marse Jeff</i>. I know <i>he</i> + ain’ gwine fly de track. I done know him from a little lad. Dat urr + gent’man I ain’ know nuttin tall about. You ripresents him.” He waved his + hand in scorn. + </p> + <p> + “Ah!” said the Major, as he set laboriously about loading the pistols, + handling the balls somewhat ostentatiously. + </p> + <p> + George Washington asserted, “I b’lieve I know mo’ ‘bout the Code ‘n you + does, Marse Nat.” + </p> + <p> + The Major looked at him quizzically as he rammed the ball down hard. He + was so skilful that George at length added condescendingly, “But I see you + ain’ forgit how to handle dose things.” + </p> + <p> + The Major modestly admitted, as he put on a cap, that he used to be a + pretty fair shot, and George Washington in an attitude as declarative of + his pride in the occasion as his inebriated state admitted, was looking on + with an expression of supreme complacency, when the Major levelled the + weapon and sighted along its barrel. George Washington gave a jump which + sent his cherished beaver bouncing twenty feet. + </p> + <p> + “Look out, Marse Nat! Don’ handle dat thing so keerless, please, suh.” + </p> + <p> + The Major explained that he was just trying its weight, and declared that + it “came up beautifully;” to which George Washington after he had regained + his damaged helmet assented with a somewhat unsteady voice. The Major + looked at his watch and up at the trees, the tops of which were still + brightened with the reflection from the sunset sky, and muttered an + objurgation at the failure of the principals to appear, vowing that he + never before knew of a similar case, and that at least he had not expected + Jeff to fail to come to time. George Washington again proudly announced + that he represented Jeff and that it was “that urr gent’man what had done + fly de track, that urr gent’man what you ripre-sents, Marse Nat.” He spoke + with unveiled contempt. + </p> + <p> + The Major suddenly turned on him. + </p> + <p> + “George Washington!” + </p> + <p> + “Suh!” He faced him. + </p> + <p> + “If my principal fails to appear, I must take his place. The rule is, the + second takes the place of his non-appearing principal.” + </p> + <p> + “In cose dat’s de rule,” declared George Washington as if it were his own + suggestion; “de secon’ tecks de place o’ de non-repearin’ sprinciple, and + dat’s what mecks me say what I does, dat man is done run away, suh, dat’s + what’s de motter wid him. He’s jes’ nat-chelly skeered. He couldn’ face + dem things, suh.” He nodded towards the pistols, his thumbs stuck in the + armholes of his flowered velvet vest. As the Major bowed George Washington + continued with a hiccough, “He ain’ like we gent’mens whar’s ust to ‘em + an’ don’ mine ‘em no mo’ ‘n pop-crackers.” + </p> + <p> + “George Washington,” said the Major, solemnly, with his eyes set on George + Washington’s velvet waistcoat, “take your choice of these pistols.” + </p> + <p> + The old duellist made his choice with due deliberation. The Major + indicated with a wave of his hand one of the spots which George had marked + for the expected duellists. “Take your stand there, sir.” George + Washington marched grandly up and planted himself with overwhelming + dignity, whilst the Major, with the other pistol in his hand, quietly took + his stand at the other position, facing him. + </p> + <p> + “George,” he said, “George Washington.” + </p> + <p> + “Suh.” George Washington was never so imposing. + </p> + <p> + “My principal, Mr. Pickering Lawrence, having failed to appear at the + designated time and place to meet his engagement with Mr. Jefferson Lewis, + I, as his second and representative, offer myself to take his place and + assume any and all of his obligations.” + </p> + <p> + George Washington bowed grandly. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, suh, of cose,—dat is accordin’ to de Code,” he said with + solemnity befitting the occasion. + </p> + <p> + The Major proceeded. + </p> + <p> + “And your principal, Mr. Jefferson Lewis, having likewise failed to appear + at the proper time, you take his place.” + </p> + <p> + “Suh,” ejaculated George Washington, in sudden astonishment, turning his + head slightly as if he were not certain he had heard correctly, “Marse + Nat, jis say dat agin, please, suh?” + </p> + <p> + The Major elevated his voice and advanced his pistol slightly. + </p> + <p> + “I say, your principal, Mr Jefferson Lewis, having in like manner failed + to put in his appearance at the time and place agreed on for the meeting, + you as his representative take his place and assume all his obligations.” + </p> + <p> + “Oh! nor, suh, I don’t!” exclaimed George Washington, shaking his head so + violently that the demoralized beaver fell off again and rolled around + unheeded. “I ain’ bargain for no sich thing as dat. Nor, suh!” + </p> + <p> + But the Major was obdurate. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir, you do. When you accept the position of second, you assume all + the obligations attaching to that position, and——” the Major + advanced his pistol—“I shall shoot at you.” + </p> + <p> + George Washington took a step towards him. “Oh! goodness! Marse Nat, you + ain’ gwine do nuttin like dat, is you!” His jaw had fallen, and when the + Major bowed with deep solemnity and replied, “Yes, sir, and you can shoot + at me,” he burst out. + </p> + <p> + “Marse Nat, I don’ warn’ shoot at you. What I warn’ shoot at you for? I + ain’ got nuttin ‘ginst you on de fatal uth. You been good master to me all + my days an’——” The Major cut short this sincere tribute to his + virtues, by saying: “Very well, you can shoot or not as you please. I + shall aim at that waistcoat.” He raised his pistol and partially closed + one eye. George Washington dropped on his knees. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, Marse Nat, please, suh. What you want to shoot me for? Po’ ole + good-for-nuttin George Washington, whar ain’ nuver done you no harm” (the + Major’s eye glanced over his blue coat and flowered vest; George saw it), + “but jes steal you’ whiskey an’ you’ clo’es an’—Marse Nat, ef you + le’ me off dis time I oon nuver steal no mo’ o’ you’ clo’es, er you’ + whiskey, er nuttin. Marse Nat, you wouldn’ shoot po’ ole good-for-nuttin + George Washington, whar fotch’ up wid you?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, sir, I would,” declared the Major, sternly. “I am going to give the + word, and—” he raised the pistol once more. George Washington began + to creep toward him. “Oh, Lordy! Marse Nat, please, suh, don’ pint dat + thing at me dat away—hit’s loaded! Oh, Lordy!” he shouted. The Major + brandished his weapon fiercely. + </p> + <p> + “Stand up, sir, and stop that noise—one—two—three,” he + counted, but George Washington was flat on the ground. + </p> + <p> + “Oh, Marse Nat, please, suh, don’t. I’se feared o’ dem things.” A sudden + idea struck him. “Marse Nat, you is about to loss a mighty valuable + nigger,” he pleaded; but the Major simply shouted to him to stand up and + not disgrace the gentleman he represented. George Washington seized on the + word; it was his final hope. + </p> + <p> + “Marse Nat, I don’t ripresent nobody, suh, nobody at all, suh. I ain’ + nuttin but a good-for-nuttin, wuthless nigger, whar brung de box down heah + cuz you tole me to, suh, dat’s all. An’ I’ll teek off you’ coat an’ weskit + dis minit ef you’ll jis le’ me git up off de groun’, suh.” Jeff suddenly + appeared. George lay spraddled out on the ground as flat as a field lark, + but at Jeff’s appearance, he sprang behind him. Jeff, in amazement, was + inquiring the meaning of all the noise he had heard, when Lawrence + appeared on the scene. The Major explained briefly. + </p> + <p> + “It was that redoubtable champion bellowing. As our principals failed to + appear on time, he being-an upholder of the Code, suggested that we were + bound to take the places respectively of those we represented——” + </p> + <p> + “Nor, suh, I don’ ripresent nobody,” interrupted George Washington; but at + a look from the Major he dodged again behind Jeff. The Major, with his eye + on Lawrence, said: + </p> + <p> + “Well, gentlemen, let’s to business. We have but a few minutes of daylight + left. I presume you are ready?” + </p> + <p> + Both gentlemen bowed, and the Major proceeded to explain that he had + loaded both pistols himself with precisely similar charges, and that they + were identical in trigger, sight, drift, and weight, and had been tested + on a number of occasions, when they had proved to be “excellent weapons + and remarkably accurate in their fire.” The young men bowed silently; but + when he turned suddenly and called “George Washington,” that individual + nearly jumped out of his coat. The Major ordered him to measure ten paces, + which, after first giving notice that he “didn’t ripre-sent nobody,” he + proceeded to do, taking a dozen or more gigantic strides, and hastily + retired again behind the safe bulwark of Jeff’s back. As he stood there in + his shrunken condition, he about as much resembled the pompous and + arrogant duellist of a half-hour previous as a wet and bedraggled turkey + does the strutting, gobbling cock of the flock. The Major, with an + objurgation at him for stepping “as if he had on seven league boots,” + stepped off the distance himself, explaining to Lawrence that ten paces + was about the best distance, as it was sufficiently distant to “avoid the + unpleasantness of letting a gentleman feel that he was within touching + distance,” and yet “near enough to avoid useless mutilation.” + </p> + <p> + Taking out a coin, he announced that he would toss up for the choice of + position, or rather would make a “disinterested person” do so, and, + holding out his hand, he called George Washington to toss it up. There was + no response until the Major shouted, “George Washington, where are you—you + rascal!” + </p> + <p> + “Heah me, suh,” said George Washington, in a quavering voice, rising from + the ground, where he had thrown himself to avoid any stray bullets, and + coming slowly forward, with a pitiful, “Please, suh, don’ p’int dat thing + dis away.” + </p> + <p> + The Major gave him the coin, with an order to toss it up, in a tone so + sharp that it made him jump; and he began to turn it over nervously in his + hand, which was raised a little above his shoulder. In his manipulation it + slipped out of his hand and disappeared. George Washington in a dazed way + looked in his hand, and then on the ground. “Hi! whar’ hit?” he muttered, + getting down on his knees and searching in the grass. “Dis heah place is + evil-sperited.” + </p> + <p> + The Major called to him to hurry up, but he was too intent on solving the + problem of the mysterious disappearance of the quarter. + </p> + <p> + “I ain’ nuver like dis graveyard bein’ right heah,” he murmured. “Marse + Nat, don’ you have no mo’ to do wid dis thing.” + </p> + <p> + The Major’s patience was giving out. “George Washington, you rascal!” he + shouted, “do you think I can wait all night for you to pull up all the + grass in the garden? Take the quarter out of your pocket, sir!” + </p> + <p> + “‘Tain’ in my pocket, suh,” quavered George Washington, feeling there + instinctively, however, when the coin slipped down his sleeve into his + hand again. This was too much for him. “Hi! befo’ de king,” he exclaimed, + “how it git in my pocket? Oh, Marster! de devil is ‘bout heah, sho’! Marse + Nat, you fling it up, suh. I ain’ nuttin but a po’ sinful nigger. Oh, + Lordy!” And handing over the quarter tremulously, George Washington flung + himself flat on the ground and, as a sort of religious incantation, began + to chant in a wild, quavering tone the funeral hymn: + </p> + <p> + “Hark! from the tombs a doleful sound.” + </p> + <p> + The Major tossed up and posted the duellists, and with much solemnity + handed them the pistols, which both the two young men received quietly. + They were pale, but perfectly steady. The Major then asked them, + “Gentlemen, are you ready?” whilst at the omnious sound George + Washington’s voice in tremulous falsetto, struck in, + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + “Ye-ee—so-ons off meenn co-ome view-ew the-ee groun’, + Wher-ere you-ou m—uss’ shor-ort-ly lie.” + </pre> + <p> + They announced themselves ready just as George Washington, looking up from + the ground, where he, like the “so-ons off meenn,” was lying, discovered + that he was not more than thirty yards out of the line of aim, and with a + muttered “Lordy!” began to crawl away. + </p> + <p> + There was a confused murmur from the direction of the path which led to + the house, and the Major shouted, “Fire—one—two—three.” + </p> + <p> + Both young men, facing each other and looking steadily in each other’s + eyes, with simultaneous action fired their pistols into the air. + </p> + <p> + At the report a series of shrieks rang out from the shrubbery towards the + house, whilst George Washington gave a wild yell and began to kick like a + wounded bull, bellowing that he was “killed—killed.” + </p> + <p> + The Major had just walked up to the duellists, and, relieving them of + their weapons, had with a comprehensive wave of the hand congratulated + them on their courage and urged them to shake hands, which they were in + the act of doing, when the shrubbery parted and Margaret, followed closely + by Rose and by Miss Jemima panting behind, rushed in upon them, crying at + the tops of their voices, “Stop! Stop!” + </p> + <p> + The two young ladies addressed themselves respectively to Jeff and + Lawrence, and both were employing all their eloquence when Miss Jemima + appeared. Her eye caught the prostrate form of George Washington, who lay + flat on his face kicking and groaning at intervals. She pounced upon the + Major with so much vehemence that he was almost carried away by the sudden + onset. + </p> + <p> + “Oh! You wretch! What have you done?” she panted, scarcely able to + articulate. + </p> + <p> + “Done, madam?” asked the Major, gravely. + </p> + <p> + “Yes; what have you done to <i>that</i> poor miserable creature—<i>there!</i>” + She actually seized the Major and whirled him around with one hand, whilst + with the other she pointed at the prostrate and now motionless George + Washington. + </p> + <p> + “What have I been doing with him?” + </p> + <p> + “Yes, with <i>him</i>. Have you been carrying out your barbarous rite on + his inoffensive person!” she gasped. + </p> + <p> + The Major’s eye lit up. + </p> + <p> + “Yes, madam,” he said, taking up one of the pistols, “and I rejoice that + you are here to witness its successful termination. George Washington has + been selected as the victim this year; his monstrous lies, his habitual + drunken worthlessness, his roguery, culminating in the open theft to-day + of my best coat and waistcoat, marked him naturally as the proper + sacrifice. I had not the heart to cheat any one by selling him to him. I + was therefore constrained to shoot him. He was, with his usual + triflingness, not killed at the first fire, although he appears to be + dead. I will now finish him by putting a ball into his back; observe the + shot.” He advanced, and cocking the pistol, “click—click,” stuck it + carefully in the middle of George Washington’s fat back. Miss Jemima gave + a piercing shriek and flung herself on the Major to seize the pistol; but + she might have spared herself; for George Washington suddenly bounded from + the ground and, with one glance at the levelled weapon, rushed crashing + through the shrubbery, followed by the laughter of the young people, the + shrieks of Miss Jemima, and the shouts of the Major for him to come back + and let him kill him. + </p> + <p> + That evening, when Margaret, seated on the Major’s knee, was rummaging in + his vest pockets for any loose change which might be there (which by + immemorial custom belonged to her), she suddenly pulled out two large, + round bullets. The Major seized them; but it was too late. When, however, + he finally obtained possession of them he presented them to Miss Jemima, + and solemnly requested her to preserve them as mementoes of George + Washington’s miraculous escape. + </p> + <div style="height: 6em;"> + <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /> + </div> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of “George Washington’s” Last Duel, by +Thomas Nelson Page + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK “GEORGE WASHINGTON’S” LAST DUEL *** + +***** This file should be named 23013-h.htm or 23013-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/0/1/23013/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: "George Washington's" Last Duel + 1891 + +Author: Thomas Nelson Page + +Release Date: October 12, 2007 [EBook #23013] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK "GEORGE WASHINGTON'S" LAST DUEL *** + + + + +Produced by David Widger + + + + + + + + +"GEORGE WASHINGTON'S" LAST DUEL. + +By Thomas Nelson Page + +1891 + + + + +I. + +Of all the places in the county "The Towers" was the favorite with the +young people. There even before Margaret was installed the Major kept +open house with his major domo and factotum "George Washington"; and +when Margaret came from school, of course it was popular. Only one class +of persons was excluded. + +There were few people in the county who did not know of the Major's +antipathy to "old women," as he called them. Years no more entered into +his definition of this class than celibacy did into his idea of an "old +bachelor." The state of single blessedness continued in the female +sex beyond the bloom of youth was in his eyes the sole basis of +this unpardonable condition. He made certain concessions to the few +individuals among his neighbors who had remained in the state of +spinsterhood, because, as he declared, neighborliness was a greater +virtue than consistency; but he drew the line at these few, and it was +his boast that no old woman had ever been able to get into his Eden. +"One of them," he used to say, "would close paradise just as readily now +as Eve did six thousand years ago." Thus, although as Margaret grew +up she had any other friends she desired to visit her as often as she +chose, her wish being the supreme law at Rock Towers, she had never even +thought of inviting one of the class against whom her uncle's ruddy face +was so steadfastly set. The first time it ever occurred to her to invite +any one among the proscribed was when she asked Rose Endicott to pay +her a visit. Rose, she knew, was living with her old aunt, Miss Jemima +Bridges, whom she had once met in R-----, and she had some apprehension +that in Miss Jemima's opinion, the condition of the South was so much +like that of the Sandwich Islands that the old lady would not permit +Rose to come without her personal escort. Accordingly, one evening after +tea, when the Major was in a particularly gracious humor, and had told +her several of his oldest and best stories, Margaret fell upon him +unawares, and before he had recovered from the shock of the encounter, +had captured his consent. Then, in order to secure the leverage of a +dispatched invitation, she had immediately written Rose, asking her +and her aunt to come and spend a month or two with her, and had without +delay handed it to George Washington to deliver to Lazarus to give +Luke to carry to the post-office. The next evening, therefore, when the +Major, after twenty-four hours of serious apprehension, reopened the +matter with a fixed determination to coax or buy her out of the notion, +because, as he used to say, "women can't be _reasoned_ out of a thing, +sir, not having been reasoned in," Margaret was able to meet him with +the announcement that it was "too late," as the letter had already been +mailed. + +Seated in one of the high-backed arm-chairs, with one white hand shading +her laughing eyes from the light, and with her evening dress daintily +spread out about her, Margaret was amused at the look of desperation +on the old gentleman's ruddy face. He squared his round body before +the fire, braced himself with his plump legs well apart, as if he were +preparing to sustain the shock of a blow, and taking a deep inspiration, +gave a loud and prolonged "Whew!" + +This was too much for her. + +Margaret rose, and, going up to him, took his arm and looked into his +face cajolingly. + +"Uncle, I was bound to have Rose, and Miss Jemima would not have let her +come alone." + +The tone was the low, almost plaintive key, the effectiveness of which +Margaret knew so well. + +"'Not let her!'" The Major faced her quickly. "Margaret, she is one of +those _strong-minded_ women!" + +Margaret nodded brightly. + +"I bet my horse she wears iron-gray curls, caught on the side of her +head with tucking combs!" + +"She does," declared Margaret, her eyes dancing. + +"And has a long nose--red at the end." + +"Uncle, you have seen her. I _know_ you have seen her," asserted +Margaret, laughing up at him. "You have her very picture." + +The Major groaned, and vowed that he would never survive it, and that +Margaret would go down to history as the slayer of her uncle. + +"I have selected my place in the graveyard," he said, with a mournful +shake of the head. "Put me close to the fence behind the raspberry +thicket, where I shall be secure. Tell her there are snakes there." + +"But, uncle, she is as good as gold," declared Margaret; "she is always +doing good,--I believe she thinks it her mission to save the world." + +The Major burst out, "That's part of this modern devilment of +substituting humanitarianism for Christianity. Next thing they'll be +wanting to abolish hell!" + +The Major was so impressed with his peril that when Jeff, who had +galloped over "for a little while," entered, announced with great +ceremony by George Washington, he poured out all his apprehensions into +his sympathetic ear, and it was only when he began to rally Jeff on the +chance of his becoming a victim to Miss Endicott's charms, that Margaret +interfered so far as to say, that Rose had any number of lovers, and one +of them was "an awfully nice fellow, handsome and rich and all that." +She wished "some one" would invite him down to pay a visit in the +neighborhood, for she was "afraid Rose would find it dreadfully dull +in the country." The Major announced that he would himself make love +to her; but both Margaret and Jeff declared that Providence manifestly +intended him for Miss Jemima. He then suggested that Miss Endicott's +friend be invited to come with her, but Margaret did not think that +would do. + +"What is the name of this Paragon?" inquired Jeff. + +Margaret gave his name. "Mr. Lawrence--Pickering Lawrence." + +"Why, I know him, 'Pick Lawrence.' We were college-mates, class-mates. +He used to be in love with somebody up at his home then; but I +never identified her with your friend. We were great cronies at the +University. He was going to be a lawyer; but I believe somebody died +and he came into a fortune." This history did not appear to surprise +Margaret as much as might have been expected, and she said nothing more +about him. + +About a week later Jeff took occasion to ride over to tea, and announced +that his friend Mr. Lawrence had promised to run down and spend a few +weeks with him. Margaret looked so pleased and dwelt so much on the +alleged charms of the expected guest that Jeff, with a pang of jealousy, +suddenly asserted that he "didn't think so much of Lawrence," that he +was one of those fellows who always pretended to be very much in love +with somebody, and was "always changing his clothes." + +"That's what girls like," said Margaret, decisively; and this was all +the thanks Jeff received. + + + + +II. + +There was immense excitement at the Towers next day when the visitors +were expected. The Major took twice his usual period to dress; George +Washington with a view to steadying his nerves braced them so tight that +he had great difficulty in maintaining his equipoise, and even Margaret +herself was in a flutter quite unusual to one so self-possessed as she +generally was. When, however, the carriage drove up to the door, the +Major, with Margaret a little in advance, met the visitors at the steps +in all the glory of new blue broadcloth and flowered velvet. Sir Charles +Grandison could not have been more elegant, nor Sir Roger more gracious. +Behind him yet grander stood George--George Washington--his master's +fac-simile in ebony down to the bandanna handkerchief and the trick of +waving the right hand in a flowing curve. It was perhaps this spectacle +which saved the Major, for Miss Jemima was so overwhelmed by George +Washington's portentous dignity that she exhibited sufficient humility +to place the Major immediately at his ease, and from this time Miss +Jemima was at a disadvantage, and the Major felt that he was master of +the situation. + +The old lady had never been in the South before except for a few days on +the occasion when Margaret had met her and Rose Endicott at the hotel in +R----, and she had then seen just enough to excite her inquisitiveness. +Her natural curiosity was quite amazing. She was desperately bent on +acquiring information, and whatever she heard she set down in a journal, +so as soon as she became sufficiently acquainted with the Major she +began to ply him with questions. Her seat at table was at the Major's +right, and the questions which she put to him proved so embarrassing, +that the old gentleman declared to Margaret that if that old woman knew +as much as she wanted to know she would with her wisdom eclipse +Solomon and destroy the value of the Scriptures. He finally hit upon an +expedient. He either traversed every proposition she suggested, or else +answered every inquiry with a statement which was simply astounding. +She had therefore not been at the Towers a week before she was in the +possession of facts furnished by the Major which might have staggered +credulity itself. + +One of the many entries in her journal was to the effect that, according +to Major B----, it was the custom on many plantations to shoot a slave +every year, on the ground that such a sacrifice was generally salutary; +that it was an expiation of past derelictions and a deterrent from +repetition. And she added this memorandum: + +"The most extraordinary and revolting part of it all is that this +barbarous custom, which might well have been supposed confined to +Dahomey, is justified by such men as Major B---- as a pious act." She +inserted this query, + +"Can it be true?" + +If she did not wholly believe the Major, she did not altogether +disbelieve him. She at least was firmly convinced that it was quite +possible. She determined to inquire privately of George Washington. + +She might have inquired of one of the numerous maids, whose useless +presence embarrassed her; but the Major foreseeing that she might pursue +her investigation in other directions, had informed her that the rite +was guarded with the greatest care, and that it would be as much as any +one's life were worth to divulge it. Miss Jemima, therefore, was too +loyal to expose one of her own sex to such danger; so she was compelled +to consult George Washington, whom she believed clever enough to take +care of himself. + +She accordingly watched several days for an opportunity to see him +alone, but without success. In fact, though she was unaware of it, +George Washington had conceived for her a most violent dislike, and +carefully avoided her. He had observed with growing suspicion Miss +Jemima's investigation of matters relating to the estate, and her +persistent pursuit of knowledge at the table had confirmed him in his +idea that she contemplated the capture of his master and himself. + +Like his master, he had a natural antipathy to "old women," and as +the Major's threat for years had varied between "setting him free next +morning" and giving him "a mistress to make him walk straight," George +Washington felt that prudence demanded some vigilance on his part. + +One day, under cover of the hilarity incident to the presence at dinner +of Jeff and of his guest, Mr. Lawrence, Miss Jemima had pushed her +inquisition even further than usual. George Washington watched her with +growing suspicion, his head thrown back and his eyes half closed, and +so, when, just before dinner was over, he went into the hall to see +about the fire, he, after his habit, took occasion to express his +opinion of affairs to the sundry members of the family who looked down +at him from their dim gilt frames on the wall. + +"I ain't pleased wid de way things is gwine on heah at all," he +declared, poking the fire viciously and addressing his remark more +particularly to an old gentlemen who in ruffles and red velvet sat with +crossed legs in a high-backed chair just over the piano. "Heah me an' +Marse Nat an' Miss Margaret been gittin' long all dese years easy an' +peaceable, an' Marse Jeff been comin' over sociable all de time, an' +d' ain' been no trouble nor nuttin' till now dat ole ooman what ax mo' +questions 'n a thousan' folks kin answer got to come heah and set up +to Marse Nat, an' talk to him so he cyarn hardly eat." He rose from +his knees at the hearth, and looking the old gentleman over the piano +squarely in the face, asserted, "She got her mine sot on bein' my +mistis, dat's what 'tis!" This relieved him so that he returned to his +occupation of "chunking" the fire, adding, "When women sets de mines on +a thing, you jes' well gin up!" + +So intent was he on relieving himself of the burden on his mind that he +did not hear the door softly open, and did not know any one had entered +until an enthusiastic voice behind him exclaimed: + +"Oh! what a profound observation!" George Washington started in much +confusion; for it was Miss Jemima, who had stolen away from the table to +intercept him at his task of "fixing the fires." She had, however, heard +only his concluding sentence, and she now advanced with a beaming smile +intended to conciliate the old butler. George Washington gave the hearth +a final and hasty sweep, and was retiring in a long detour around Miss +Jemima when she accosted him. + +"Uncle George." + +"Marm." He stopped and half turned. + +"What a charming old place you have here!" + +George Washington cast his eye up towards the old gentleman in the +high-backed chair, as much as to say, "You see there? What did I tell +you?" Then he said briefly: + +"Yes, 'm." + +"What is its extent? How many acres are there in it?" + +George Washington positively started. He took in several of the family +in his glance of warning. + +"Well, I declare, marm, I don't know," he began; then it occurring +to him that the honor of the family was somehow at stake and must +be upheld, he added, "A leetle mo' 'n a hundred thousan', marm." His +exactness was convincing. Miss Jemima threw up her hands: + +"Prodigious! How many nee---- how many persons of the African blood are +there on this vast domain?" she inquired, getting nearer to her point. + +George, observing how much she was impressed, eyed her with rising +disdain: + +"Does you mean niggers, m'm? 'Bout three thousan', mum." + +Another exclamation of astonishment burst from the old lady's lips. + +"If you will permit me to inquire, Uncle George, how old are you?" + +"She warn see if I kin wuck--dat's what she's after," said George to +himself, with a confidential look at a young gentleman in a hunting +dress on the wall between two windows. Then he said: + +"Well, I declare, mum, you got me dyah. I ixpec' I is mos ninety years +ole, I reckon I'se ol'er 'n you is--I reckon I is." + +"Oh!" exclaimed Miss Jemima with a little start as if she had pricked +her finger with a needle. + +"Marse Nat kin tell you," continued George; "if you don't know how ole +you is, all you got to do is to ax him, an' he kin tell you--he got it +all set down in a book--he kin tell how ole you is to a day." + +"Dear, how frightful!" exclaimed Miss Jemima, just as the Major entered +somewhat hastily. + +"He's a gone coon," said George Washington through the crack of the door +to the old gentleman in ruffles, as he pulled the door slowly to from +the outside. + +The Major had left the young people in the dining-room and had come to +get a book to settle a disputed quotation. He had found the work and was +trying to read it without the ignominy of putting on his glasses, when +Miss Jemima accosted him. + +"Major, your valet appears to be a very intelligent person." + +The Major turned upon her. + +"My 'valet'! Madam! I have no valet!" + +"I mean your body servant, your butler"--explained Miss Jemima. "I have +been much impressed by him." + +"George!--George Washington?--you mean George Washington! No, madam, he +has not a particle of intelligence.--He is grossly and densely stupid. I +have never in fifty years been able to get an idea into his head." + +"Oh, dear! and I thought him so clever! I was wondering how so +intelligent a person, so well informed, could be a slave." + +The Major faced about. + +"George! George Washington a slave! Madam, you misapprehend the +situation. _He_ is no slave. I am the slave, not only of him but of +three hundred more as arrogant and exacting as the Czar, and as lazy as +the devil!" + +Miss Jemima threw up her hands in astonishment, and the Major, who was +on a favorite theme, proceeded: + +"Why, madam, the very coat on my back belongs to that rascal George +Washington, and I do not know when he may take a fancy to order me out +of it. My soul is not my own. He drinks my whiskey, steals my tobacco, +and takes my clothes before my face. As likely as not he will have on +this very waistcoat before the week is out." + +The Major stroked his well-filled velvet vest caressingly, as if he +already felt the pangs of the approaching separation. + +"Oh, dear! You amaze me," began Miss Jemima. + +"Yes, madam, I should be amazed myself, except that I have stood it +so long. Why, I had once an affair with an intimate and valued friend, +Judge Carrington. You may have heard of him, a very distinguished man! +and I was indiscreet enough to carry that rascal George Washington to +the field, thinking, of course, that I ought to go like a gentleman, and +although the affair was arranged after we had taken our positions, and I +did not have the pleasure of shooting at him. + +"Good heavens!" exclaimed Miss Jemima. "_The pleasure of shooting at +your friend!_ Monstrous!" + +"I say I did not have that pleasure," corrected the Major, blandly; "the +affair was, as I stated, arranged without a shot; yet do you know? that +rascal George Washington will not allow that it was so, and I understand +he recounts with the most harrowing details the manner in which 'he and +I,' as he terms it, shot my friend--murdered him." + +Miss Jemima gave an "Ugh. Horrible! What depravity!" she said, almost +under her breath. + +The Major caught the words. + +"Yes, madam, it is horrible to think of such depravity. Unquestionably +he deserves death; but what can one do! The law, kept feeble by +politicians, does not permit one to kill them, however worthless they +are (he observed Miss Jemima's start,)--except, of course, by way of +example, under certain peculiar circumstances, as I have stated to you." +He bowed blandly. + +Miss Jemima was speechless, so he pursued. + +"I have sometimes been tempted to make a break for liberty, and have +thought that if I could once get the rascal on the field, with my old +pistols, I would settle with him which of us is the master." + +"Do you mean that you would--would shoot him?" gasped Miss Jemima. + +"Yes, madam, unless he should be too quick for me," replied the Major, +blandly,--"or should order me from the field, which he probably would +do." + +The old lady turned and hastily left the room. + + + + +III. + +Though Miss Jemima after this regarded the Major with renewed suspicion, +and confided to her niece that she did not feel at all safe with him, +the old gentleman was soon on the same terms with Rose that he was on +with Margaret herself. He informed her that he was just twenty-five +his "last grass," and that he never could, would, or should grow a year +older. He notified Jeff and his friend Mr. Lawrence at the table that +he regarded himself as a candidate for Miss Endicott's hand, and had +"staked" the ground, and he informed her that as soon as he could bring +himself to break an oath which he had made twenty years before, never +to address another woman, he intended to propose to her. Rose, who had +lingered at the table a moment behind the other ladies, assured the +old fellow that he need fear no rival, and that if he could not muster +courage to propose before she left, as it was leap-year, she would +exercise her prerogative and propose herself. The Major, with his hand +on his heart as he held the door open for her, vowed as Rose swept past +him her fine eyes dancing, and her face dimpling with fun, that he was +ready that moment to throw himself at her feet if it were not for the +difficulty of getting up from his knees. + +A little later in the afternoon Margaret was down among the rose-bushes, +where Lawrence had joined her, after Rose had executed that inexplicable +feminine manoeuvre of denying herself to oppose a lover's request. + +Jeff was leaning against a pillar, pretending to talk to Rose, but +listening more to the snatches of song in Margaret's rich voice, or to +the laughter which floated up to them from the garden below. + +Suddenly he said abruptly, "I believe that fellow Lawrence is in love +with Margaret." + +Rose insisted on knowing what ground he had for so peculiar an opinion, +on which he incontinently charged his friend with being one of "those +fellows who falls in love with every pretty girl on whom he lays his +eyes," and declared that he had done nothing but hang around Margaret +ever since he had come to the county. + +What Rose might have replied to this unexpected attack on one whom she +reserved for her own especial torture cannot be recorded, for the +Major suddenly appeared around the verandah. Both the young people +instinctively straightened up. + +"Ah! you rascals! I catch you!" he cried, his face glowing with jollity. +"Jeff, you'd better look out,--honey catches a heap of flies, and sticks +mighty hard. Rose, don't show him any mercy,--kick him, trample on him." + +"I am not honey," said Rose, with a captivating look out of her bright +eyes. + +"Yes, you are. If you are not you are the very rose from which it is +distilled." + +"Oh, how charming!" cried the young lady. "How I wish some woman could +hear that said to me!" + +"Don't give him credit before you hear all his proverb," said Jeff. "Do +you know what he said in the dining-room?" + +"Don't credit _him_ at all," replied the Major. "Don't believe +him--don't listen to him. He is green with envy at my success." And the +old fellow shook with amusement. + +"What did he say? Please tell me." She appealed to Jeff, and then as he +was about to speak, seeing the Major preparing to run, she caught him. +"No, you have to listen. Now tell me," to Jeff again. + +"Well, he said honey caught lots of flies, and women lots of fools." + +Rose fell back, and pointing her tapering finger at the Major, who, with +mock humility, was watching her closely, declared that she would "never +believe in him again." The old fellow met her with an unblushing denial +of ever having made such a statement or held such traitorous sentiments, +as it was, he maintained, a well established fact that flies never eat +honey at all. + +From this moment the Major conceived the idea that Jeff had been caught +by his fair visitor. It had never occurred to him that any one could +aspire to Margaret's hand. He had thought at one time that Jeff was in +danger of falling a victim to the charms of the pretty daughter of an +old friend and neighbor of his, and though it appeared rather a pity +for a young fellow to fall in love "out of the State," yet the claims +of hospitality, combined with the fact that rivalry with Mr. Lawrence, +against whom, on account of his foppishness, he had conceived some +prejudice, promised a delightful excitement, more than counterbalanced +that objectionable feature. He therefore immediately constituted himself +Jeff's ardent champion, and always spoke of the latter's guest as "that +fellow Lawrence." + +Accordingly, when, one afternoon, on his return from his ride, he found +Jeff, who had ridden over to tea, lounging around alone, in a state +of mind as miserable as a man should be who, having come with the +expectation of basking in the sunshine of Beauty's smile, finds that +Beauty is out horseback riding with a rival, he was impelled to give him +aid, countenance, and advice. He immediately attacked him, therefore, +on his forlorn and woebegone expression, and declared that at his age +he would have long ago run the game to earth, and have carried her home +across his saddle-bow. + +"You are afraid, sir--afraid," he asserted, hotly. "I don't know what +you fellows are coming to." + +Jeff admitted the accusation. "He feared," he said, "that he could not +get a girl to have him." He was looking rather red when the Major cut +him short. + +"'Fear,' sir! Fear catches kicks, not kisses. 'Not _get_ a girl to have +you!' Well, upon my soul! Why don't you run after her and bawl like a +baby for her to stop, whilst you get down on your knees and--_get_ her +to have you!" + +Jeff was too dejected to be stung even by this unexpected attack. He +merely said, dolorously: + +"Well, how the deuce can it be done?" + +"_Make_ her, sir--_make_ her," cried the Major. "Coerce her--compel +her." The old fellow was in his element. He shook his grizzled head, and +brought his hollowed hands together with sounding emphasis. + +Jeff suggested that perhaps she might be impregnable, but the old fellow +affirmed that no woman was this; that no fortress was too strong to be +carried; that it all depended on the assailant and the vehemence of +the assault; and if one did not succeed, another would. The young man +brightened. His mentor, however, dashed his rising hopes by saying: +"But mark this, sir, no coward can succeed. Women are rank cowards +themselves, and they demand courage in their conquerors. Do you think +a woman will marry a man who trembles before her? By Jove, sir! He must +make her tremble!" + +Jeff admitted dubiously that this sounded like wisdom. The Major burst +out, "Wisdom, sir! It is the wisdom of Solomon, who had a thousand +wives!" + +From this time the Major constituted himself Jeff's ally, and was ready +to take the field on his behalf against any and all comers. Therefore, +when he came into the hall one day when Rose was at the piano, running +her fingers idly over the keys, whilst Lawrence was leaning over her +talking, he exclaimed: + +"Hello! what treason's this? I'll tell Jeff. He was consulting me only +yesterday about--" + +Lawrence muttered an objurgation; but Rose wheeled around on the +piano-stool and faced him. + +--"Only yesterday about the best mode of winning--" He stopped +tantalizingly. + +"Of winning what? I am so interested." She rose and stood just before +him with a cajoling air. The Major shut his mouth tight. + +"I'm as dumb as an oyster. Do you think I would betray my friend's +confidence--for nothing? I'm as silent as the oracle of Delphi." + +Lawrence looked anxious, and Rose followed the old man closely. + +"I'll pay you anything." + +"I demand payment in coin that buys youth from age." He touched his +lips, and catching Rose leaned slowly forward and kissed her. + +"Now, tell me--what did he say? A bargain's a bargain," she laughed as +Lawrence almost ground his teeth. + +"Well, he said,--he said, let me see, what did he say?" paltered the +Major. "He said he could not get a girl he loved to have him." + +"Oh! did he say _that?_" She was so much interested that she just knew +that Lawrence half stamped his foot. + +"Yes, he said just that, and I told him--" + +"Well,--what did you say?" + +"Oh! I did not bargain to tell what _I_ told _him_. I received payment +only for betraying his confidence. If you drive a bargain I will drive +one also." + +Rose declared that he was the greatest old screw she ever knew, but she +paid the price, and waited. + +"Well?--" + +"'Well?' Of course, I told him 'well.' I gave him the best advice a man +ever received. A lawyer would have charged him five hundred dollars for +it. I'm an oracle on heart-capture." + +Rose laughingly declared she would have to consult him herself, and when +the Major told her to consult only her mirror, gave him a courtesy and +wished he would teach some young men of her acquaintance to make such +speeches. The old fellow vowed, however, that they were unteachable; +that he would as soon expect to teach young moles. + + + + +IV. + +It was not more than a half hour after this when George Washington came +in and found the Major standing before the long mirror, turning around +and holding his coat back from his plump sides so as to obtain a fair +view of his ample dimensions. + +"George Washington," said he. + +"Suh." + +"I'm afraid I'm growing a little too stout." + +George Washington walked around and looked at him with the critical gaze +of a butcher appraising a fat ox. + +"Oh! nor, suh, you aint, not to say _too_ stout," he finally decided as +the result of this inspection, "you jis gittin' sort o' potely. Hit's +monsus becomin' to you." + +"Do you think so?" The Major was manifestly flattered. "I was +apprehensive that I might be growing a trifle fat,"--he turned carefully +around before the mirror,--"and from a fat old man and a scrawny old +woman, Heaven deliver us, George Washington!" + +"Nor, suh, you ain' got a ounce too much meat on you," said George, +reassuringly; "how much you weigh, Marse Nat, last time you was on de +stilyards?" he inquired with wily interest. + +The Major faced him. + +"George Washington, the last time I weighed I tipped the beam at one +hundred and forty-three pounds, and I had the waist of a girl." + +He laid his fat hands with the finger tips touching on his round sides +about where the long since reversed curves of the lamented waist once +were, and gazed at George with comical melancholy. + +"Dat's so," assented the latter, with wonted acquiescence. "I 'members +hit well, suh, dat wuz when me and you wuz down in Gloucester tryin' to +git up spunk to co'te Miss Ailsy Mann. Dat's mo'n thirty years ago." + +The Major reflected. "It cannot be thirty years!--thir--ty--years," he +mused. + +"Yes, suh, an' better, too. 'Twuz befo' we fit de duil wid Jedge +Carrington. I know dat, 'cause dat's what we shoot him 'bout--'cause he +co'te Miss Ailsy an' cut we out." + +"Damn your memory! Thirty years! I could dance all night then--every +night in the week--and now I can hardly mount my horse without getting +the thumps." + +George Washington, affected by his reminiscences, declared that he +had heard one of the ladies saying, "just the other day," what "a fine +portly gentleman" he was. + +The Major brightened. + +"Did you hear that? George Washington, if you tell me a lie I'll set +you free!" It was his most terrible threat, used only on occasions of +exceptional provocation. + +George vowed that no reward could induce him to be guilty of such +an enormity, and followed it up by so skilful an allusion to the +progressing youth of his master that the latter swore he was right, +and that he could dance better than he could at thirty, and to prove it +executed, with extraordinary agility for a man who rode at twenty stone, +a _pas seul_ which made the floor rock and set the windows and ornaments +to rattling as if there had been an earthquake. Suddenly, with a loud +"Whew," he flung himself into an arm-chair, panting and perspiring. +"It's you, sir," he gasped--"you put me up to it." + +"Nor, suh; tain me, Marse Nat--I's tellin' you de truf," asserted +George, moved to defend himself. + +"You infernal old rascal, it is you," panted the Major, still mopping +his face--"you have been running riot so long you need regulation--I'll +tell you what I'll do--I'll marry and give you a mistress to manage +you--yes, sir, I'll get married right away. I know the very woman for +you--she'll make you walk chalk!" + +For thirty years this had been his threat, so George was no more alarmed +than he was at the promise of being sold, or turned loose upon the world +as a free man. He therefore inquired solemnly, + +"Marse Nat, le' me ax you one thing--you ain' thinkin' 'bout givin' me +that ole one for a mistis is you?" + +"What old one, fool?" The Major stopped panting. George Washington +denoted the side of his head where Miss Jemima's thin curls nestled. + +"Get out of this room. Tell Dilsy to pack your chest, I'll send you off +to-morrow morning." + +George Washington blinked with the gravity of a terrapin. It might have +been obtuseness; or it might have been silent but exquisite enjoyment +which lay beneath his black skin. + +"George Washington," said the Major almost in a whisper, "what made you +think that?" + +It was to George Washington's undying credit that not a gleam flitted +across his ebony countenance as he said solemnly, + +"Marse Nat, I ain say I _think_ nuttin--I jis ax you, Is you?--She been +meckin mighty partic'lar quiration 'bout de plantation and how many +niggers we got an' all an' I jis spicionate she got her eye sort o' set +on you an' me, dat's all." + +The Major bounced to his feet, and seizing his hat and gloves from the +table, burst out of the room. A minute later he was shouting for his +horse in a voice which might have been heard a mile. + + + + +V. + +Jeff laid to heart the Major's wisdom; but when it came to acting upon +it the difficulty arose. He often wondered why his tongue became tied +and his throat grew dry when he was in Margaret's presence these days +and even just thought of saying anything serious to her. He had known +Margaret ever since she was a wee bit of a baby, and had often carried +her in his arms when she was a little girl and even after she grew up +to be "right big." He had thought frequently of late that he would be +willing to die if he might but take her in his arms. It was, therefore, +with no little disquietude that he observed what he considered his +friend's growing fancy for her. By the time Lawrence had taken a few +strolls in the garden and a horseback ride or two with her Jeff was +satisfied that he was in love with her, and before a week was out he was +consumed with jealousy. Margaret was not the girl to indulge in repining +on account of her lover's unhappiness. If Jeff had had a finger-ache, or +had a drop of sorrow but fallen in his cup her eyes would have +softened and her face would have shown how fully she felt with him; but +this--this was different. To wring his heart was a part of the business +of her young ladyhood; it was a healthy process from which would come +greater devotion and more loyal constancy. Then, it was so delightful to +make one whom she liked as she did Jeff look so miserable. Perhaps some +time she would reward him--after a long while, though. Thus, poor Jeff +spent many a wretched hour cursing his fate and cursing Pick Lawrence. +He thought he would create a diversion by paying desperate attention to +Margaret's guest; but it resolved itself on the first opportunity into +his opening his heart and confiding all his woes to her. In doing this +he fell into the greatest contradiction, declaring one moment that no +one suspected that he was in love with Margaret, and the next vowing +that she had every reason to know he adored her, as he had been in love +with her all her life. It was one afternoon in the drawing-room. Rose, +with much sapience, assured him that no woman could have but one reason +to know it. Jeff dolefully inquired what it was. + +Rising and walking up to him she said in a mysterious whisper,--. + +"Tell her." + +Jeff, after insisting that he had been telling her for years, lapsed +into a declaration of helpless perplexity. "How can I tell her more than +I have been telling her all along?" he groaned. Rose said she would show +him. She seated herself on the sofa, spread out her dress and placed him +behind her. + +"Now, do as I tell you--no, not so,--_so_;--now lean over,--put +your arm--no, it is not necessary to touch me," as Jeff, with prompt +apprehension, fell into the scheme, and declared that he was all right +in a rehearsal, and that it was only in the real drama he failed. "Now +say 'I love you.'" Jeff said it. They were in this attitude when the +door opened suddenly and Margaret stood facing them, her large eyes +opened wider than ever. She backed out and shut the door. + +Jeff sprang up, his face very red. + +Lawyers know that the actions of a man on being charged with a crime are +by no means infallible evidence of his guilt,--but it is hard to satisfy +juries of this fact. If the juries were composed of women perhaps it +would be impossible. + +The ocular demonstration of a man's arm around a girl's waist is +difficult to explain on more than one hypothesis. + +After this Margaret treated Jeff with a rigor which came near destroying +the friendship of a lifetime; and Jeff became so desperate that inside +of a week he had had his first quarrel with Lawrence, who had begun to +pay very devoted attention to Margaret, and as that young man was in no +mood to lay balm on a bruised wound, mischief might have been done had +not the Major arrived opportunely on the scene just as the quarrel +came to a white-heat. It was in the hall one morning. There had been a +quarrel. Jeff had just demanded satisfaction; Lawrence had just promised +to afford him this peculiar happiness, and they were both glaring at +each other, when the Major sailed in at the door, ruddy and smiling, and +laying his hat on the table and his riding-whip across it, declared +that before he would stand such a gloomy atmosphere as that created by a +man's glowering looks, when there was so much sunshine just lying around +to be basked in, he would agree to be "eternally fried in his own fat." + +"Why, I had expected at least two affairs before this," he said +jovially, as he pulled off his gloves, "and I'll be hanged if I shan't +have to court somebody myself to save the honor of the family." + +Jeff with dignity informed him that an affair was then brewing, and +Lawrence intimated that they were both interested, when the Major +declared that he would "advise the young lady to discard both and accept +a soberer and a wiser man." They announced that it was a more serious +affair than he had in mind, and let fall a hint of what had occurred. +The Major for a moment looked gravely from one to the other, and +suggested mutual explanations and retractions; but when both young men +insisted that they were quite determined, and proposed to have a meeting +at once, he changed. He walked over to the window and looked out for a +moment. Then turned and suddenly offered to represent both parties. Jeff +averred that such a proceeding was outside of the Code; this the Major +gravely admitted; but declared that the affair even to this point +appeared not to have been conducted in entire conformity with that +incomparable system of rules, and urged that as Mr. Lawrence was a +stranger and as it was desirable to have the affair conducted with as +much secrecy and dispatch as possible, it might be well for them to meet +as soon as convenient, and he would attend rather as a witness than as a +second. The young men assented to this, and the Major, now thoroughly in +earnest, with much solemnity, offered the use of his pistols, which was +accepted. + +In the discussion which followed, the Major took the lead, and suggested +sunset that afternoon as a suitable time, and the grass-plat between the +garden and the graveyard as a convenient and secluded spot. This also +was agreed to, though Lawrence's face wore a soberer expression than had +before appeared upon it. + +The Major's entire manner had changed; his levity had suddenly given +place to a gravity most unusual to him, and instead of his wonted +jollity his face wore an expression of the greatest seriousness. +He, after a casual glance at Lawrence, suddenly insisted that it was +necessary to exchange a cartel, and opening his secretary, with much +pomp proceeded to write. "You see--if things were not regular it would +be butchery," he explained, considerately, to Lawrence, who winced +slightly at the word. "I don't want to see you murder each other," +he went on in a slow comment as he wrote, "I wish you, since you are +determined to shoot--each other--to do it like--gentlemen." He took a +new sheet. Suddenly he began to shout,-- + +"George--George Washington." There was no answer, so as he wrote on he +continued to shout at intervals, "George Washington!" + +After a sufficient period had elapsed for a servant crossing the yard +to call to another, who sent a third to summon George, and for that +functionary to take a hasty potation from a decanter as he passed +through the dining-room at his usual stately pace, he appeared at the +door. + +"Did you call, suh?" he inquired, with that additional dignity which +bespoke his recourse to the sideboard as intelligibly as if he had +brought the decanters in his hand. "Did I call!" cried the Major, +without looking up. "Why don't you come when you hear me?" + +George Washington steadied himself on his feet, and assumed an aggrieved +expression. + +"Do you suppose I can wait for you to drink all the whiskey in my +sideboard? Are you getting deaf-drunk as well as blind-drunk?" he asked, +still writing industriously. + +George Washington gazed up at his old master in the picture on the wall, +and shook his head sadly. + +"Nor, suh, Marse Nat. You know I ain' drink none to git drunk. I is a +member o' de church. I is full of de sperit." + +The Major, as he blotted his paper, assured him that he knew he was +much fuller of it than were his decanters, and George Washington was +protesting further, when his master rose, and addressing Jeff as the +challenger, began to read. He had prepared a formal cartel, and all +the subsequent and consequential documents which appear necessary to a +well-conducted and duly bloodthirsty meeting under the duello, and +he read them with an impressiveness which was only equalled by the +portentious dignity of George Washington. As he stood balancing himself, +and took in the solemn significance of the matter, his whole air +changed; he raised his head, struck a new attitude, and immediately +assumed the position of one whose approval of the affair was of the +utmost moment. + +The Major stated that he was glad that they had decided to use the +regular duelling pistols, not only as they were more convenient--he +having a very fine, accurate pair--but as they were smooth bore and +carried a good, large ball, which made a clean, pretty hole, without +tearing. "Now," he explained kindly to Lawrence, "the ball from one of +these infernal rifled concerns goes gyrating and tearing its way through +you, and makes an orifice like a _posthole_." He illustrated his meaning +with a sweeping spiral motion of his clenched fist. + +Lawrence grew a shade whiter, and wondered how Jeff felt and looked, +whilst Jeff set his teeth more firmly as the Major added blandly that +"no gentleman wanted to blow another to pieces like a Sepoy mutineer." + +George Washington's bow of exaggerated acquiescence drew the Major's +attention to him. + +"George Washington, are my pistols clean?" he asked. + +"Yes, suh, clean as yo' shut-front," replied George Washington, grandly. + +"Well, clean them again." + +"Yes, suh," and George was disappearing with ponderous dignity, when the +Major called him, "George Washington." + +"Yes, suh." + +"Tell carpenter William to come to the porch. His services may be +needed," he explained to Lawrence, "in case there should be a casualty, +you know." + +"Yes, suh." George Washington disappeared. A moment later he reopened +the door. + +"Marse Nat." + +"Sir." + +"Shall I send de overseer to dig de graves, suh?" + +Lawrence could not help exclaiming, "Good----!" and then checked +himself; and Jeff gave a perceptible start. + +"I will attend to that," said the Major, and George Washington went out +with an order from Jeff to take the box to the office. + +The Major laid the notes on his desk and devoted himself to a brief +eulogy on the beautiful symmetry of "the Code," illustrating his +views by apt references to a number of instances in which its absolute +impartiality had been established by the instant death of both parties. +He had just suggested that perhaps the two young men might desire to +make some final arrangements, when George Washington reappeared, drunker +and more imposing than before. In place of his ordinary apparel he had +substituted a yellowish velvet waistcoat and a blue coat with brass +buttons, both of which were several sizes too large for him, as they +had for several years been stretched over the Major's ample person. He +carried a well-worn beaver hat in his hand, which he never donned except +on extraordinary occasions. + +"De pistils is ready, suh," he said, in a fine voice, which he +always employed when he proposed to be peculiarly effective. His +self-satisfaction was monumental. + +"Where did you get that coat and waistcoat from, sir?" thundered the +Major. "Who told you you might have them?" + +George Washington was quite taken aback at the unexpectedness of the +assault, and he shuffled one foot uneasily. + +"Well, you see, suh," he began, vaguely, "I know you warn' never gwine +to wear 'em no mo', and seein' dat dis was a very serious recasion, +an' I wuz rip-ripresentin' Marse Jeff in a jewel, I thought I ought to +repear like a gent'man on dis recasion." + +"You infernal rascal, didn't I tell you that the next time you took my +clothes without asking my permission, I was going to shoot you?" + +The Major faced his chair around with a jerk, but George Washington had +in the interim recovered himself. + +"Yes, suh, I remembers dat," he said, complacently, "but dat didn't have +no recose to dese solemn recasions when I rip-ripresents a gent'man in +de Code." + +"Yes, sir, it did, I had this especially in mind," declared the Major, +unblushingly--"I gave you fair notice, and damn me! if I don't do it +too before I'm done with you--I'd sell you to-morrow morning if it would +not be a cheat on the man who was fool enough to buy you. My best coat +and waistcoat!"--he looked affectionately at the garments. + +George Washington evidently knew the way to soothe him--"Who ever heah +de beat of dat!" he said in a tone of mild complaint, partly to the +young men and partly to his old master in the ruffles and velvet over +the piano, "Marse Nat, you reckon I ain' got no better manners 'n to +teck you _bes'_ coat and weskit! Dis heah coat and weskit nuver did you +no favor anyways--I hear Miss Marg'ret talkin' 'bout it de fust time you +ever put 'em on. Dat's de reason I tuck 'em." Having found an excuse he +was as voluble as a river--"I say to myself, I ain' gwine let my +young marster wyar dem things no mo' roun' heah wid strange ladies an' +gent'man stayin' in de house too,--an' I so consarned about it, I say, +'George Wash'n'n, you got to git dem things and wyar 'em yo'self to keep +him f'om doin' it, dat's what you got to do,' I say, and dat's de reason +I tuk 'em." He looked the picture of self-sacrifice. + +But the Major burst forth on him: "Why, you lying rascal, that's three +different reasons you have given in one breath for taking them." +At which George Washington shook his woolly head with doleful +self-abnegation. + +"Just look at them!" cried the Major--"My favorite waistcoat! There is +not a crack or a brack in them--They look as nice as they did the day +they were bought!" + +This was too much for George Washington. "Dat's the favor, suh, of +de pussen what has I t 'em on," he said, bowing grandly; at which the +Major, finding his ire giving way to amusement, drove him from the room, +swearing that if he did not shoot him that evening he would set him free +to-morrow morning. + + + + +VI. + +As the afternoon had worn away, and whilst the two principals in the +affair were arranging their matters, the Major had been taking every +precaution to carry out the plan for the meeting. The effect of the +approaching duel upon the old gentleman was somewhat remarkable. He was +in unusually high spirits; his rosy countenance wore an expression of +humorous content; and, from time to time as he bustled about, a smile +flitted across his face, or a chuckle sounded from the depths of his +satin stock. He fell in with Miss Jemima, and related to her a series of +anecdotes respecting duelling and homicide generally, so lurid in their +character that she groaned over the depravity of a region where such +barbarity was practised; but when he solemnly informed her that he felt +satisfied from the signs of the time that some one would be shot in the +neighborhood before twenty-four hours were over, the old lady determined +to return home next day. + +It was not difficult to secure secrecy, as the Major had given +directions that no one should be admitted to the garden. + +For at least an hour before sunset he had been giving directions to +George Washington which that dignitary would have found some difficulty +in executing, even had he remained sober; but which, in his existing +condition, was as impossible as for him to change the kinks in his hair. +The Major had solemnly assured him that if he got drunk he would shoot +him on the spot, and George Washington had as solemnly consented that he +would gladly die if he should be found in this unprecedented condition. +Immediately succeeding which, however, under the weight of the momentous +matters submitted to him, he had, after his habit, sought aid and +comfort of his old friends, the Major's decanters, and he was shortly in +that condition when he felt that the entire universe depended upon him. +He blacked his shoes at least twenty times, and marched back and +forth in the yard with such portentous importance that the servants +instinctively shrunk away from his august presence. One of the children, +in their frolics, ran against him; George Washington simply said, "Git +out my way," and without pausing in his gait or deigning to look at him, +slapped him completely over. + +A maid ventured to accost him jocularly to know why he was so finely +dressed. George Washington overwhelmed her with a look of such infinite +contempt and such withering scorn that all the other servants forthwith +fell upon her for "interferin' in Unc' George Wash'n'ton's business." At +last the Major entered the garden and bade George Washington follow +him; and George Washington having paid his twentieth visit to the +dining-room, and had a final interview with the liquor-case, and having +polished up his old beaver anew, left the office by the side door, +carrying under his arm a mahogany box about two feet long and one foot +wide, partially covered with a large linen cloth. His beaver hat was +cocked on the side of his head, with an air supposed to be impressive. +He wore the Major's coat and flowered velvet waistcoat respecting which +he had won so signal a victory in the morning, and he flaunted a large +bandanna handkerchief, the ownership of which he had transferred still +more recently. The Major's orders to George Washington were to convey +the box to the garden in a secret manner, but George Washington was far +too much impressed with the importance of the part he bore in the affair +to lose the opportunity of impressing the other servants. Instead, +therefore, of taking a by-path, he marched ostentatiously through the +yard with a manner which effected his object, if not his master's, +and which struck the entire circle of servants with inexpressible awe. +However, after he gained the garden and reached a spot where he was no +longer in danger of being observed by any one, he adopted a manner +of the greatest secrecy, and proceeded to the place selected for the +meeting with a degree of caution which could not have been greater had +he been covertly stealing his way through a band of hostile Indians. The +spot chosen for the meeting was a grass plot bounded on three sides +by shrubbery and on the fourth by the wall of the little square within +which had been laid to rest the mortal remains of some half dozen +generations of the Burwells. Though the grass was green and the sky +above was of the deep steely hue which the late afternoon brings; yet +the thick shrubbery which secluded the place gave it an air of wildness, +and the tops of the tall monuments gleaming white over the old wall +against the dark cedars, added an impression of ghostliness which had +long caused the locality to be generally avoided by the negroes from the +time that the afternoon shadows began to lengthen. + +George Washington, indeed, as he made his way stealthily down towards +the rendezvous glanced behind him once or twice as if he were not at +all certain that some impalpable pursuer were not following him, and he +almost jumped out of his shoes when the Major, who had for ten minutes +been pacing up and down the grass-plat in a fume of impatience, caught +sight of him and suddenly shouted, "Why don't you come on, you--rascal?" + +As soon as George Washington recognized that the voice was not +supernatural, he recovered his courage and at once disarmed the Major, +who, watch in hand, was demanding if he supposed he had nothing else +to do than to wait for him all night, by falling into his vein and +acquiescing in all that he said in abuse of the yet absent duellists, or +at least of one of them. + +He spoke in terms of the severest reprobation of Mr. Lawrence, declaring +that he had never had a high opinion of his courage, or, indeed, of any +quality which he possessed. He was, perhaps, not quite prepared to join +in an attack on Jeff, of whose frequent benefactions he entertained a +lively recollection amounting to gratitude, at least in the accepted +French idea of that virtue, and as he had constituted himself Jeff's +especial representative for this "solemn recasion," he felt a personal +interest in defending him to some extent. + +At last the Major ordered him to take out the weapons and some little +time was spent in handling them, George Washington examining them with +the air of a connoisseur. The Major asserted that he had never seen a +prettier spot, and George Washington, immediately striking an attitude, +echoed the sentiment. He was, indeed, so transported with its beauty +that he declared it reminded him of the duel he and the Major fought +with Judge Carrington, which he positively declared, was "a jewel like +you been read about," and he ended with the emphatic assertion, "Ef dese +gent'mens jes plump each urr like we did de Judge dat evelin!----" +A wave of the hand completed the period. + +The Major turned on him with a positive denial that he had ever even +shot at the Judge, but George Washington unblushingly insisted that they +had, and in fact had shot him twice. "We hit him fyah an' squar'." +He levelled a pistol at a tree a few yards distant, and striking an +attitude, squinted along the barrel with the air of an old hand at the +weapon. + +The Major reiterated his statement and recalled the fact that, as he had +told him and others a thousand times, they had shaken hands on the spot, +which George Washington with easy adaptability admitted, but claimed +that "ef he hadn't 'a'shook hands we'd 'a'shot him, sho! Dis here +gent'man ain' gwine git off quite so easy," he declared, having already +decided that Lawrence was to experience the deadly accuracy of his and +Jeff's aim. He ended with an unexpected "Hie!" and gave a little lurch, +which betrayed his condition, but immediately gathered himself together +again. + +The Major looked at him quizzically as he stood pistols in hand in all +the grandeur of his assumed character. The shadow of disappointment at +the non-appearance of the Juel-lists which had rested on his round face, +passed away, and he suddenly asked him which way he thought they had +better stand. George Washington twisted his head on one side and, after +striking a deliberative attitude and looking the plat well over, gave +his judgment. + +"Ah--so," said the Major, and bade him step off ten paces. + +George Washington cocked his hat considerably more to the side, and +with a wave of his hand, caught from the Major, took ten little mincing +steps; and without turning, glanced back over his shoulder and inquired, +"Ain' dat mighty fur apart?" + +The Major stated that it was necessary to give them some chance. And +this appeared to satisfy him, for he admitted, "Yas, suh, dat's so, dee +'bleeged to have a chance," and immediately marked a point a yard or +more short of that to which he had stepped.' + +The Major then announced that he would load the pistols without waiting +for the advent of the other gentlemen, as he "represented both of them." + +This was too much for so accomplished an adept at the Code as +George Washington, and he immediately asserted that such a thing was +preposterous, asking with some scorn, as he strutted up and down, "Who +ever heah o' one gent'man ripresentin' two in a jewel, Marse Nat?" + +The Major bowed politely. "I was afraid it was a little incompatible," +he said. + +"Of cose it's incomfatible," said George Washington. "I ripresents one +and you de t'urr. Dat's de way! I ripresents _Marse Jeff_. I know _he_ +ain' gwine fly de track. I done know him from a little lad. Dat urr +gent'man I ain' know nuttin tall about. You ripresents him." He waved +his hand in scorn. + +"Ah!" said the Major, as he set laboriously about loading the pistols, +handling the balls somewhat ostentatiously. + +George Washington asserted, "I b'lieve I know mo' 'bout the Code 'n you +does, Marse Nat." + +The Major looked at him quizzically as he rammed the ball down hard. He +was so skilful that George at length added condescendingly, "But I see +you ain' forgit how to handle dose things." + +The Major modestly admitted, as he put on a cap, that he used to be a +pretty fair shot, and George Washington in an attitude as declarative of +his pride in the occasion as his inebriated state admitted, was looking +on with an expression of supreme complacency, when the Major levelled +the weapon and sighted along its barrel. George Washington gave a jump +which sent his cherished beaver bouncing twenty feet. + +"Look out, Marse Nat! Don' handle dat thing so keerless, please, suh." + +The Major explained that he was just trying its weight, and declared +that it "came up beautifully;" to which George Washington after he had +regained his damaged helmet assented with a somewhat unsteady voice. The +Major looked at his watch and up at the trees, the tops of which were +still brightened with the reflection from the sunset sky, and muttered +an objurgation at the failure of the principals to appear, vowing that +he never before knew of a similar case, and that at least he had not +expected Jeff to fail to come to time. George Washington again proudly +announced that he represented Jeff and that it was "that urr gent'man +what had done fly de track, that urr gent'man what you ripre-sents, +Marse Nat." He spoke with unveiled contempt. + +The Major suddenly turned on him. + +"George Washington!" + +"Suh!" He faced him. + +"If my principal fails to appear, I must take his place. The rule is, +the second takes the place of his non-appearing principal." + +"In cose dat's de rule," declared George Washington as if it were +his own suggestion; "de secon' tecks de place o' de non-repearin' +sprinciple, and dat's what mecks me say what I does, dat man is done run +away, suh, dat's what's de motter wid him. He's jes' nat-chelly skeered. +He couldn' face dem things, suh." He nodded towards the pistols, his +thumbs stuck in the armholes of his flowered velvet vest. As the Major +bowed George Washington continued with a hiccough, "He ain' like we +gent'mens whar's ust to 'em an' don' mine 'em no mo' 'n pop-crackers." + +"George Washington," said the Major, solemnly, with his eyes set +on George Washington's velvet waistcoat, "take your choice of these +pistols." + +The old duellist made his choice with due deliberation. The Major +indicated with a wave of his hand one of the spots which George had +marked for the expected duellists. "Take your stand there, sir." George +Washington marched grandly up and planted himself with overwhelming +dignity, whilst the Major, with the other pistol in his hand, quietly +took his stand at the other position, facing him. + +"George," he said, "George Washington." + +"Suh." George Washington was never so imposing. + +"My principal, Mr. Pickering Lawrence, having failed to appear at the +designated time and place to meet his engagement with Mr. Jefferson +Lewis, I, as his second and representative, offer myself to take his +place and assume any and all of his obligations." + +George Washington bowed grandly. + +"Yes, suh, of cose,--dat is accordin' to de Code," he said with +solemnity befitting the occasion. + +The Major proceeded. + +"And your principal, Mr. Jefferson Lewis, having likewise failed to +appear at the proper time, you take his place." + +"Suh," ejaculated George Washington, in sudden astonishment, turning his +head slightly as if he were not certain he had heard correctly, "Marse +Nat, jis say dat agin, please, suh?" + +The Major elevated his voice and advanced his pistol slightly. + +"I say, your principal, Mr Jefferson Lewis, having in like manner +failed to put in his appearance at the time and place agreed on for the +meeting, you as his representative take his place and assume all his +obligations." + +"Oh! nor, suh, I don't!" exclaimed George Washington, shaking his head +so violently that the demoralized beaver fell off again and rolled +around unheeded. "I ain' bargain for no sich thing as dat. Nor, suh!" + +But the Major was obdurate. + +"Yes, sir, you do. When you accept the position of second, you assume +all the obligations attaching to that position, and----" the Major +advanced his pistol--"I shall shoot at you." + +George Washington took a step towards him. "Oh! goodness! Marse Nat, you +ain' gwine do nuttin like dat, is you!" His jaw had fallen, and when +the Major bowed with deep solemnity and replied, "Yes, sir, and you can +shoot at me," he burst out. + +"Marse Nat, I don' warn' shoot at you. What I warn' shoot at you for? I +ain' got nuttin 'ginst you on de fatal uth. You been good master to me +all my days an'----" The Major cut short this sincere tribute to his +virtues, by saying: "Very well, you can shoot or not as you please. I +shall aim at that waistcoat." He raised his pistol and partially closed +one eye. George Washington dropped on his knees. + +"Oh, Marse Nat, please, suh. What you want to shoot me for? Po' ole +good-for-nuttin George Washington, whar ain' nuver done you no harm" +(the Major's eye glanced over his blue coat and flowered vest; George +saw it), "but jes steal you' whiskey an' you' clo'es an'--Marse Nat, ef +you le' me off dis time I oon nuver steal no mo' o' you' clo'es, er you' +whiskey, er nuttin. Marse Nat, you wouldn' shoot po' ole good-for-nuttin +George Washington, whar fotch' up wid you?" + +"Yes, sir, I would," declared the Major, sternly. "I am going to give +the word, and--" he raised the pistol once more. George Washington began +to creep toward him. "Oh, Lordy! Marse Nat, please, suh, don' pint dat +thing at me dat away--hit's loaded! Oh, Lordy!" he shouted. The Major +brandished his weapon fiercely. + +"Stand up, sir, and stop that noise--one--two--three," he counted, but +George Washington was flat on the ground. + +"Oh, Marse Nat, please, suh, don't. I'se feared o' dem things." A sudden +idea struck him. "Marse Nat, you is about to loss a mighty valuable +nigger," he pleaded; but the Major simply shouted to him to stand up and +not disgrace the gentleman he represented. George Washington seized on +the word; it was his final hope. + +"Marse Nat, I don't ripresent nobody, suh, nobody at all, suh. I ain' +nuttin but a good-for-nuttin, wuthless nigger, whar brung de box down +heah cuz you tole me to, suh, dat's all. An' I'll teek off you' coat an' +weskit dis minit ef you'll jis le' me git up off de groun', suh." Jeff +suddenly appeared. George lay spraddled out on the ground as flat as +a field lark, but at Jeff's appearance, he sprang behind him. Jeff, in +amazement, was inquiring the meaning of all the noise he had heard, when +Lawrence appeared on the scene. The Major explained briefly. + +"It was that redoubtable champion bellowing. As our principals failed to +appear on time, he being-an upholder of the Code, suggested that we were +bound to take the places respectively of those we represented----" + +"Nor, suh, I don' ripresent nobody," interrupted George Washington; but +at a look from the Major he dodged again behind Jeff. The Major, with +his eye on Lawrence, said: + +"Well, gentlemen, let's to business. We have but a few minutes of +daylight left. I presume you are ready?" + +Both gentlemen bowed, and the Major proceeded to explain that he had +loaded both pistols himself with precisely similar charges, and that +they were identical in trigger, sight, drift, and weight, and had been +tested on a number of occasions, when they had proved to be "excellent +weapons and remarkably accurate in their fire." The young men bowed +silently; but when he turned suddenly and called "George Washington," +that individual nearly jumped out of his coat. The Major ordered him +to measure ten paces, which, after first giving notice that he "didn't +ripre-sent nobody," he proceeded to do, taking a dozen or more gigantic +strides, and hastily retired again behind the safe bulwark of Jeff's +back. As he stood there in his shrunken condition, he about as much +resembled the pompous and arrogant duellist of a half-hour previous as +a wet and bedraggled turkey does the strutting, gobbling cock of the +flock. The Major, with an objurgation at him for stepping "as if he had +on seven league boots," stepped off the distance himself, explaining +to Lawrence that ten paces was about the best distance, as it was +sufficiently distant to "avoid the unpleasantness of letting a gentleman +feel that he was within touching distance," and yet "near enough to +avoid useless mutilation." + +Taking out a coin, he announced that he would toss up for the choice +of position, or rather would make a "disinterested person" do so, and, +holding out his hand, he called George Washington to toss it up. There +was no response until the Major shouted, "George Washington, where are +you--you rascal!" + +"Heah me, suh," said George Washington, in a quavering voice, rising +from the ground, where he had thrown himself to avoid any stray bullets, +and coming slowly forward, with a pitiful, "Please, suh, don' p'int dat +thing dis away." + +The Major gave him the coin, with an order to toss it up, in a tone so +sharp that it made him jump; and he began to turn it over nervously +in his hand, which was raised a little above his shoulder. In his +manipulation it slipped out of his hand and disappeared. George +Washington in a dazed way looked in his hand, and then on the ground. +"Hi! whar' hit?" he muttered, getting down on his knees and searching in +the grass. "Dis heah place is evil-sperited." + +The Major called to him to hurry up, but he was too intent on solving +the problem of the mysterious disappearance of the quarter. + +"I ain' nuver like dis graveyard bein' right heah," he murmured. "Marse +Nat, don' you have no mo' to do wid dis thing." + +The Major's patience was giving out. "George Washington, you rascal!" he +shouted, "do you think I can wait all night for you to pull up all the +grass in the garden? Take the quarter out of your pocket, sir!" + +"'Tain' in my pocket, suh," quavered George Washington, feeling there +instinctively, however, when the coin slipped down his sleeve into +his hand again. This was too much for him. "Hi! befo' de king," he +exclaimed, "how it git in my pocket? Oh, Marster! de devil is 'bout +heah, sho'! Marse Nat, you fling it up, suh. I ain' nuttin but a po' +sinful nigger. Oh, Lordy!" And handing over the quarter tremulously, +George Washington flung himself flat on the ground and, as a sort of +religious incantation, began to chant in a wild, quavering tone the +funeral hymn: + +"Hark! from the tombs a doleful sound." + +The Major tossed up and posted the duellists, and with much solemnity +handed them the pistols, which both the two young men received quietly. +They were pale, but perfectly steady. The Major then asked them, +"Gentlemen, are you ready?" whilst at the omnious sound George +Washington's voice in tremulous falsetto, struck in, + + "Ye-ee--so-ons off meenn co-ome view-ew the-ee groun', + Wher-ere you-ou m--uss' shor-ort-ly lie." + +They announced themselves ready just as George Washington, looking +up from the ground, where he, like the "so-ons off meenn," was lying, +discovered that he was not more than thirty yards out of the line of +aim, and with a muttered "Lordy!" began to crawl away. + +There was a confused murmur from the direction of the path which led to +the house, and the Major shouted, "Fire--one--two--three." + +Both young men, facing each other and looking steadily in each other's +eyes, with simultaneous action fired their pistols into the air. + +At the report a series of shrieks rang out from the shrubbery towards +the house, whilst George Washington gave a wild yell and began to kick +like a wounded bull, bellowing that he was "killed--killed." + +The Major had just walked up to the duellists, and, relieving them of +their weapons, had with a comprehensive wave of the hand congratulated +them on their courage and urged them to shake hands, which they were +in the act of doing, when the shrubbery parted and Margaret, followed +closely by Rose and by Miss Jemima panting behind, rushed in upon them, +crying at the tops of their voices, "Stop! Stop!" + +The two young ladies addressed themselves respectively to Jeff and +Lawrence, and both were employing all their eloquence when Miss Jemima +appeared. Her eye caught the prostrate form of George Washington, who +lay flat on his face kicking and groaning at intervals. She pounced upon +the Major with so much vehemence that he was almost carried away by the +sudden onset. + +"Oh! You wretch! What have you done?" she panted, scarcely able to +articulate. + +"Done, madam?" asked the Major, gravely. + +"Yes; what have you done to _that_ poor miserable creature--_there!_" +She actually seized the Major and whirled him around with one hand, +whilst with the other she pointed at the prostrate and now motionless +George Washington. + +"What have I been doing with him?" + +"Yes, with _him_. Have you been carrying out your barbarous rite on his +inoffensive person!" she gasped. + +The Major's eye lit up. + +"Yes, madam," he said, taking up one of the pistols, "and I rejoice that +you are here to witness its successful termination. George Washington +has been selected as the victim this year; his monstrous lies, his +habitual drunken worthlessness, his roguery, culminating in the open +theft to-day of my best coat and waistcoat, marked him naturally as the +proper sacrifice. I had not the heart to cheat any one by selling him +to him. I was therefore constrained to shoot him. He was, with his usual +triflingness, not killed at the first fire, although he appears to be +dead. I will now finish him by putting a ball into his back; observe +the shot." He advanced, and cocking the pistol, "click--click," stuck +it carefully in the middle of George Washington's fat back. Miss Jemima +gave a piercing shriek and flung herself on the Major to seize the +pistol; but she might have spared herself; for George Washington +suddenly bounded from the ground and, with one glance at the levelled +weapon, rushed crashing through the shrubbery, followed by the laughter +of the young people, the shrieks of Miss Jemima, and the shouts of the +Major for him to come back and let him kill him. + +That evening, when Margaret, seated on the Major's knee, was rummaging +in his vest pockets for any loose change which might be there (which by +immemorial custom belonged to her), she suddenly pulled out two large, +round bullets. The Major seized them; but it was too late. When, +however, he finally obtained possession of them he presented them to +Miss Jemima, and solemnly requested her to preserve them as mementoes of +George Washington's miraculous escape. + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of "George Washington's" Last Duel, by +Thomas Nelson Page + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK "GEORGE WASHINGTON'S" LAST DUEL *** + +***** This file should be named 23013.txt or 23013.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/3/0/1/23013/ + +Produced by David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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