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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/2562-h.zip b/2562-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..5596040 --- /dev/null +++ b/2562-h.zip diff --git a/2562-h/2562-h.htm b/2562-h/2562-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..5f02abb --- /dev/null +++ b/2562-h/2562-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,3055 @@ +<?xml version="1.0" encoding="us-ascii"?> + +<!DOCTYPE html + PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd" > + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" lang="en"> + <head> + <title> + The Clouds, by Aristophanes + </title> + <style type="text/css" xml:space="preserve"> + + body { margin:5%; background:#faebd0; text-align:justify} + P { text-indent: 1em; margin-top: .25em; margin-bottom: .25em; } + H1,H2,H3,H4,H5,H6 { text-align: center; margin-left: 15%; margin-right: 15%; } + hr { width: 50%; text-align: center;} + .foot { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 90%; } + blockquote {font-size: 97%; font-style: italic; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%;} + .mynote {background-color: #DDE; color: #000; padding: .5em; margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 95%;} + .toc { margin-left: 10%; margin-bottom: .75em;} + .toc2 { margin-left: 20%;} + div.fig { display:block; margin:0 auto; text-align:center; } + div.middle { margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%; text-align: justify; } + .figleft {float: left; margin-left: 0%; margin-right: 1%;} + .figright {float: right; margin-right: 0%; margin-left: 1%;} + .pagenum {display:inline; font-size: 70%; font-style:normal; + margin: 0; padding: 0; position: absolute; right: 1%; + text-align: right;} + pre { font-style: italic; font-size: 90%; margin-left: 10%;} + +</style> + </head> + <body> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Clouds, by Aristophanes + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Clouds + +Author: Aristophanes + +Translator: William James Hickie + +Release Date: December 11, 2008 [EBook #2562] +Last Updated: January 22, 2013 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CLOUDS *** + + + + +Produced by An Anonymous Volunteer, and David Widger + + + + + +</pre> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h1> + THE CLOUDS + </h1> + <p> + <br /> + </p> + <h2> + By Aristophanes + </h2> + <p> + <br /><br /> + </p> + <h3> + Translated by William James Hickie + </h3> + <div class="mynote"> + <h4> + * All Greek from the original edition has been transliterated into Roman + characters. + </h4> + <br /> + </div> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <hr /> + <p> + <br /> <br /> + </p> + <h2> + DRAMATIS PERSONAE + </h2> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Strepsiades + Phidippides + Servant of Strepsiades + Disciples of Socrates + Socrates + Chorus of Clouds + Just Cause + Unjust Cause + Pasias + Amynias + Witness + Chaerephon +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Scene: The interior of a sleeping-apartment: + Strepsiades, Phidippides, and two servants are in their + beds; a small house is seen at a distance. Time: + midnight. + + Strepsiades (sitting up in his bed). Ah me! Ah me! O + King Jupiter, of what a terrible length the nights are! + Will it never be day? And yet long since I heard the + cock. My domestics are snoring; but they would not have + done so heretofore! May you perish then, O war! For many + reasons; because I may not even punish my domestics. + Neither does this excellent youth awake through the + night; but takes his ease, wrapped up in five blankets. + Well, if it is the fashion, let us snore wrapped up. +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + [Lies down, and then almost immediately starts up + again.] + + But I am not able, miserable man, to sleep, being + tormented by my expenses, and my stud of horses, and my + debts, through this son of mine. He with his long hair, + is riding horses and driving curricles, and dreaming of + horses; while I am driven to distraction, as I see the + moon bringing on the twentieths; for the interest is + running on. Boy! Light a lamp, and bring forth my + tablets, that I may take them and read to how many I am + indebted, and calculate the interest. + + [Enter boy with a light and tablets.] + + Come, let me see; what do I owe? Twelve minae to + Pasias. Why twelve minae to Pasias? Why did I borrow + them? When I bought the blood-horse. Ah me, unhappy! + Would that it had had its eye knocked out with a stone + first! + + Phidippides (talking in his sleep). You are acting + unfairly, Philo! Drive on your own course. + + Strep. This is the bane that has destroyed me; for even + in his sleep he dreams about horsemanship. + + Phid. How many courses will the war-chariots run? + + Strep. Many courses do you drive me, your father. But + what debt came upon me after Pasias? Three minae to + Amynias for a little chariot and pair of wheels. + + Phid. Lead the horse home, after having given him a good + rolling. + + Strep. O foolish youth, you have rolled me out of my + possessions; since I have been cast in suits, and others + say that they will have surety given them for the + interest. + + Phid. (awakening) Pray, father, why are you peevish, and + toss about the whole night? + + Strep. A bailiff out of the bedclothes is biting + me. + + Phid. Suffer me, good sir, to sleep a little. + + Strep. Then, do you sleep on; but know that all these + debts will turn on your head. + + [Phidippides falls asleep again.] + + Alas! Would that the match-maker had perished miserably, + who induced me to marry your mother. For a country life + used to be most agreeable to me, dirty, untrimmed, + reclining at random, abounding in bees, and sheep, and + oil-cake. Then I, a rustic, married a niece of Megacles, + the son of Megacles, from the city, haughty, luxurious, + and Coesyrafied. When I married her, I lay with her + redolent of new wine, of the cheese-crate, and abundance + of wool; but she, on the contrary, of ointment, saffron, + wanton-kisses, extravagance, gluttony, and of Colias and + Genetyllis. I will not indeed say that she was idle; + but she wove. And I used to show her this cloak by way + of a pretext and say "Wife, you weave at a great + rate." + + Servant re-enters. + + Servant. We have no oil in the lamp. + + Strep. Ah me! Why did you light the thirsty lamp? Come + hither that you may weep! + + Ser. For what, pray, shall I weep? + + Strep. Because you put in one of the thick wicks. + + [Servant runs out] + + After this, when this son was born to us, to me, + forsooth, and to my excellent wife, we squabbled then + about the name: for she was for adding hippos to the + name, Xanthippus, or Charippus, or Callipides; but I was + for giving him the name of his grandfather, Phidonides. + For a time therefore we disputed; and then at length we + agreed, and called him Phidippides. She used to take + this son and fondle him, saying, "When you, being grown + up, shall drive your chariot to the city, like Megacles, + with a xystis." But I used to say, "Nay, rather, when + dressed in a leathern jerkin, you shall drive goats from + Phelleus, like your father." He paid no attention to my + words, but poured a horse-fever over my property. Now, + therefore, by meditating the whole night, I have + discovered one path for my course extraordinarily + excellent; to which if I persuade this youth I shall be + saved. But first I wish to awake him. How then can I + awake him in the most agreeable manner? How? + Phidippides, my little Phidippides? + + Phid. What, father? + + Strep. Kiss me, and give me your right hand! + + Phid. There. What's the matter? + + Strep. Tell me, do you love me? + + Phid. Yes, by this Equestrian Neptune. + + Strep. Nay, do not by any means mention this Equestrian + to me, for this god is the author of my misfortunes. + But, if you really love me from your heart, my son, obey + me. + + Phid. In what then, pray, shall I obey you? + + Strep. Reform your habits as quickly as possible, and go + and learn what I advise. + + Phid. Tell me now, what do you prescribe? + + Strep. And will you obey me at all? + + Phid. By Bacchus, I will obey you. + + Strep. Look this way then! Do you see this little door + and little house? + + Phid. I see it. What then, pray, is this, father? + + Strep. This is a thinking-shop of wise spirits. There + dwell men who in speaking of the heavens persuade people + that it is an oven, and that it encompasses us, and that + we are the embers. These men teach, if one give them + money, to conquer in speaking, right or wrong. + + Phid. Who are they? + + Strep. I do not know the name accurately. They are + minute philosophers, noble and excellent. + + Phid. Bah! They are rogues; I know them. You mean the + quacks, the pale-faced wretches, the bare-footed + fellows, of whose numbers are the miserable Socrates and + Chaerephon. + + Strep. Hold! Hold! Be silent! Do not say anything + foolish. But, if you have any concern for your father's + patrimony, become one of them, having given up your + horsemanship. + + Phid. I would not, by Bacchus, even if you were to give + me the pheasants which Leogoras rears! + + Strep. Go, I entreat you, dearest of men, go and be + taught. + + Phid. Why, what shall I learn? + + Strep. They say that among them are both the two + causes—the better cause, whichever that is, and the + worse: they say that the one of these two causes, the + worse, prevails, though it speaks on the unjust side. + If, therefore you learn for me this unjust cause, I + would not pay any one, not even an obolus of these + debts, which I owe at present on your account. + + Phid. I can not comply; for I should not dare to look + upon the knights, having lost all my colour. + + Strep. Then, by Ceres, you shall not eat any of my + good! Neither you, nor your blood-horse; but I will + drive you out of my house to the crows. + + Phid. My uncle Megacles will not permit me to be without + a horse. But I'll go in, and pay no heed to you. + + [Exit Phidippides.] + + Strep. Though fallen, still I will not lie prostrate: + but having prayed to the gods, I will go myself to the + thinking-shop and get taught. How, then, being an old + man, shall I learn the subtleties of refined + disquisitions? I must go. Why thus do I loiter and not + knock at the door? + + [Knocks at the door.] + + Boy! Little boy! + + Disciple (from within). Go to the devil! Who it is that + knocked at the door? + + Strep. Strepsiades, the son of Phidon, of Cicynna. + + Dis. You are a stupid fellow, by Jove! who have kicked + against the door so very carelessly, and have caused the + miscarriage of an idea which I had conceived. + + Strep. Pardon me; for I dwell afar in the country. But + tell me the thing which has been made to miscarry. + + Dis. It is not lawful to mention it, except to + disciples. + + Strep. Tell it, then, to me without fear; for I here am + come as a disciple to the thinking-shop. + + Dis. I will tell you; but you must regard these as + mysteries. Socrates lately asked Chaerephon about a + flea, how many of its own feet it jumped; for after + having bit the eyebrow of Chaerephon, it leaped away + onto the head of Socrates. + + Strep. How then did he measure this? + + Dis. Most cleverly. He melted some wax; and then took + the flea and dipped its feet in the wax; and then a pair + of Persian slippers stuck to it when cooled. Having + gently loosened these, he measured back the distance. + + Strep. O King Jupiter! What subtlety of thought! + + Dis. What then would you say if you heard another + contrivance of Socrates? + + Strep. Of what kind? Tell me, I beseech you! + + Dis. Chaerephon the Sphettian asked him whether he + thought gnats buzzed through the mouth or the breech. + + Strep. What, then, did he say about the gnat? + + Dis. He said the intestine of the gnat was narrow and + that the wind went forcibly through it, being slender, + straight to the breech; and then that the rump, being + hollow where it is adjacent to the narrow part, + resounded through the violence of the wind. + + Strep. The rump of the gnats then is a trumpet! Oh, + thrice happy he for his sharp-sightedness! Surely a + defendant might easily get acquitted who understands the + intestine of the gnat. + + Dis. But he was lately deprived of a great idea by a + lizard. + + Strep. In what way? Tell me. + + Dis. As he was investigating the courses of the moon and + her revolutions, then as he was gaping upward a lizard + in the darkness dropped upon him from the roof. + + Strep. I am amused at a lizard's having dropped on + Socrates. + + Dis. Yesterday evening there was no supper for us. + + Strep. Well. What then did he contrive for provisions? + + Dis. He sprinkled fine ashes on the table, and bent a + little spit, and then took it as a pair of compasses and + filched a cloak from the Palaestra. + + Strep. Why then do we admire Thales? Open open quickly + the thinking-shop, and show to me Socrates as quickly as + possible. For I desire to be a disciple. Come, open the + door. + + [The door of the thinking-shop opens and the pupils of + Socrates are seen all with their heads fixed on the + ground, while Socrates himself is seen suspended in the + air in a basket.] + + O Hercules, from what country are these wild beasts? + + Dis. What do you wonder at? To what do they seem to you + to be like? + + Strep. To the Spartans who were taken at Pylos. But why + in the world do these look upon the ground? + + Dis. They are in search of the things below the earth. + + Strep. Then they are searching for roots. Do not, then, + trouble yourselves about this; for I know where there + are large and fine ones. Why, what are these doing, who + are bent down so much? + + Dis. These are groping about in darkness under Tartarus. + + Strep. Why then does their rump look toward heaven? + + Dis. It is getting taught astronomy alone by itself. + + [Turning to the pupils.] + + But go in, lest he meet with us. + + Strep. Not yet, not yet; but let them remain, that I may + communicate to them a little matter of my own. + + Dis. It is not permitted to them to remain without in + the open air for a very long time. + + [The pupils retire.] + + Strep. (discovering a variety of mathematical + instruments) Why, what is this, in the name of heaven? + Tell me. + + Dis. This is Astronomy. + + Strep. But what is this? + + Dis. Geometry. + + Strep. What then is the use of this? + + Dis. To measure out the land. + + Strep. What belongs to an allotment? + + Dis. No, but the whole earth. + + Strep. You tell me a clever notion; for the contrivance + is democratic and useful. + + Dis. (pointing to a map) See, here's a map of the whole + earth. Do you see? This is Athens. + + Strep. What say you? I don't believe you; for I do not + see the Dicasts sitting. + + Dis. Be assured that this is truly the Attic territory. + + Strep. Why, where are my fellow-tribesmen of Cicynna? + + Dis. Here they are. And Euboea here, as you see, is + stretched out a long way by the side of it to a great + distance. + + Strep. I know that; for it was stretched by us and + Pericles. But where is Lacedaemon? + + Dis. Where is it? Here it is. + + Strep. How near it is to us! Pay great attention to + this, to remove it very far from us. + + Dis. By Jupiter, it is not possible. + + Strep. Then you will weep for it. + + [Looking up and discovering Socrates.] + + Come, who is this man who is in the basket? + + Dis. Himself. + + Strep. Who's "Himself"? + + Dis. Socrates. + + Strep. O Socrates! Come, you sir, call upon him loudly + for me. + + Dis. Nay, rather, call him yourself; for I have no + leisure. + + [Exit Disciple.] + + Strep. Socrates! My little Socrates! + + Socrates. Why callest thou me, thou creature of a day? + + Strep. First tell me, I beseech you, what are you doing. + + Soc. I am walking in the air, and speculating about the + sun. + + Strep. And so you look down upon the gods from your + basket, and not from the earth? + + Soc. For I should not have rightly discovered things + celestial if I had not suspended the intellect, and + mixed the thought in a subtle form with its kindred air. + But if, being on the ground, I speculated from below on + things above, I should never have discovered them. For + the earth forcibly attracts to itself the meditative + moisture. Water-cresses also suffer the very same thing. + + Strep. What do you say? Does meditation attract the + moisture to the water-cresses? Come then, my little + Socrates, descend to me, that you may teach me those + things, for the sake of which I have come. + + [Socrates lowers himself and gets out of the basket.] + + Soc. And for what did you come? + + Strep. Wishing to learn to speak; for by reason of + usury, and most ill-natured creditors, I am pillaged and + plundered, and have my goods seized for debt. + + Soc. How did you get in debt without observing it? + + Strep. A horse-disease consumed me—terrible at eating. + But teach me the other one of your two causes, that + which pays nothing; and I will swear by the gods, I will + pay down to you whatever reward you exact of me. + + Soc. By what gods will you swear? For, in the first + place, gods are not a current coin with us. + + Strep. By what do you swear? By iron money, as in + Byzantium? + + Soc. Do you wish to know clearly celestial matters, what + they rightly are? + + Strep. Yes, by Jupiter, if it be possible! + + Soc. And to hold converse with the Clouds, our + divinities? + + Strep. By all means. + + Soc. (with great solemnity). Seat yourself, then, upon + the sacred couch. + + Strep. Well, I am seated! + + Soc. Take, then, this chaplet. + + Strep. For what purpose a chaplet? Ah me! Socrates, see + that you do not sacrifice me like Athamas! + + Strep. No; we do all these to those who get initiated. + + Strep. Then what shall I gain, pray? + + Soc. You shall become in oratory a tricky knave, a + thorough rattle, a subtle speaker. But keep quiet. + + Strep. By Jupiter! You will not deceive me; for if I am + besprinkled, I shall become fine flour. + + Soc. It becomes the old man to speak words of good omen, + and to hearken to my prayer. O sovereign King, + immeasurable Air, who keepest the earth suspended, and + through bright Aether, and ye august goddesses, the + Clouds, sending thunder and lightning, arise, appear in + the air, O mistresses, to your deep thinker! + + Strep. Not yet, not yet, till I wrap this around me lest + I be wet through. To think of my having come from home + without even a cap, unlucky man! + + Soc. Come then, ye highly honoured Clouds, for a display + to this man. Whether ye are sitting upon the sacred + snow-covered summits of Olympus, or in the gardens of + Father Ocean form a sacred dance with the Nymphs, or + draw in golden pitchers the streams of the waters of the + Nile, or inhabit the Maeotic lake, or the snowy rock of + Mimas, hearken to our prayer, and receive the sacrifice, + and be propitious to the sacred rites. + + [The following song is heard at a distance, accompanied + by loud claps of thunder.] + + Chorus. Eternal Clouds! Let us arise to view with our + dewy, clear-bright nature, from loud-sounding Father + Ocean to the wood-crowned summits of the lofty + mountains, in order that we may behold clearly the + far-seen watch-towers, and the fruits, and the + fostering, sacred earth, and the rushing sounds of the + divine rivers, and the roaring, loud-sounding sea; for + the unwearied eye of Aether sparkles with glittering + rays. Come, let us shake off the watery cloud from our + immortal forms and survey the earth with far-seeing eye. + + Soc. O ye greatly venerable Clouds, ye have clearly + heard me when I called. + + [Turning to Strepsiades.] + + Did you hear the voice, and the thunder which bellowed + at the same time, feared as a god? + + Strep. I too worship you, O ye highly honoured, and am + inclined to reply to the thundering, so much do I + tremble at them and am alarmed. And whether it be + lawful, or be not lawful, I have a desire just now to + ease myself. + + Soc. Don't scoff, nor do what these poor-devil-poets do, + but use words of good omen, for a great swarm of + goddesses is in motion with their songs. + + Cho. Ye rain-bringing virgins, let us come to the + fruitful land of Pallas, to view the much-loved country + of Cecrops, abounding in brave men; where is reverence + for sacred rites not to be divulged; where the house + that receives the initiated is thrown open in holy + mystic rites; and gifts to the celestial gods; and + high-roofed temples, and statues; and most sacred + processions in honour of the blessed gods; and + well-crowned sacrifices to the gods, and feasts, at all + seasons; and with the approach of spring the Bacchic + festivity, and the rousings of melodious choruses, and + the loud-sounding music of flutes. + + Strep. Tell me, O Socrates, I beseech you, by Jupiter, + who are these that have uttered this grand song? Are + they some heroines? + + Soc. By no means; but heavenly Clouds, great divinities + to idle men; who supply us with thought and argument, + and intelligence and humbug, and circumlocution, and + ability to hoax, and comprehension. + + Strep. On this account therefore my soul, having heard + their voice, flutters, and already seeks to discourse + subtilely, and to quibble about smoke, and having + pricked a maxim with a little notion, to refute the + opposite argument. So that now I eagerly desire, if by + any means it be possible, to see them palpably. + + Soc. Look, then, hither, toward Mount Parnes; for now I + behold them descending gently. + + Strep. Pray where? Show me. + + Soc. See! There they come in great numbers through the + hollows and thickets; there, obliquely. + + Strep. What's the matter? For I can't see them. + + Soc. By the entrance. + + [Enter Chorus] + + Strep. Now at length with difficulty I just see them. + + Soc. Now at length you assuredly see them, unless you + have your eyes running pumpkins. + + Strep. Yes, by Jupiter! O highly honoured Clouds, for + now they cover all things. + + Soc. Did you not, however, know, nor yet consider, these + to be goddesses? + + Strep. No, by Jupiter! But I thought them to be mist, + and dew, and smoke. + + Soc. For you do not know, by Jupiter! that these feed + very many sophists, Thurian soothsayers, practisers of + medicine, lazy-long-haired-onyx-ring-wearers, + song-twisters for the cyclic dances, and meteorological + quacks. They feed idle people who do nothing, because + such men celebrate them in verse. + + Strep. For this reason, then, they introduced into their + verses "the dreadful impetuosity of the moist, + whirling-bright clouds"; and the "curls of + hundred-headed Typho"; and the "hard-blowing tempests"; + and then "aerial, moist"; "crooked-clawed birds, + floating in air"; and "the showers of rain from dewy + Clouds". And then, in return for these, they swallow + "slices of great, fine mullets, and bird's-flesh of + thrushes." + + Soc. Is it not just, however, that they should have + their reward, on account of these? + + Strep. Tell me, pray, if they are really clouds, what + ails them, that they resemble mortal women? For they are + not such. + + Soc. Pray, of what nature are they? + + Strep. I do not clearly know: at any rate they resemble + spread-out fleeces, and not women, by Jupiter! Not a + bit; for these have noses. + + Soc. Answer, then, whatever I ask you. + + Strep. Then say quickly what you wish. + + Soc. Have you ever, when you; looked up, seen a cloud + like to a centaur, or a panther, or a wolf, or a bull? + + Strep. By Jupiter, have I! But what of that? + + Soc. They become all things, whatever they please. And + then if they see a person with long hair, a wild one of + these hairy fellows, like the son of Xenophantes, in + derision of his folly, they liken themselves to + centaurs. + + Strep. Why, what, if they should see Simon, a plunderer + of the public property, what do they do? + + Soc. They suddenly become wolves, showing up his + disposition. + + Strep. For this reason, then, for this reason, when they + yesterday saw Cleonymus the recreant, on this account + they became stags, because they saw this most cowardly + fellow. + + Soc. And now too, because they saw Clisthenes, you + observe, on this account they became women. + + Strep. Hail therefore, O mistresses! And now, if ever ye + did to any other, to me also utter a voice reaching to + heaven, O all-powerful queens. + + Cho. Hail, O ancient veteran, hunter after learned + speeches! And thou, O priest of most subtle trifles! + Tell us what you require? For we would not hearken to + any other of the recent meteorological sophists, except + to Prodicus; to him, on account of his wisdom and + intelligence; and to you, because you walk proudly in + the streets, and cast your eyes askance, and endure many + hardships with bare feet, and in reliance upon us + lookest supercilious. + + Strep. O Earth, what a voice! How holy and dignified and + wondrous! + + Soc. For, in fact, these alone are goddesses; and all + the rest is nonsense. + + Strep. But come, by the Earth, is not Jupiter, the + Olympian, a god? + + Soc. What Jupiter? Do not trifle. There is no Jupiter. + + Strep. What do you say? Who rains then? For first of all + explain this to me. + + Soc. These to be sure. I will teach you it by powerful + evidence. Come, where have you ever seen him raining at + any time without Clouds? And yet he ought to rain in + fine weather, and these be absent. + + Strep. By Apollo, of a truth you have rightly confirmed + this by your present argument. And yet, before this, I + really thought that Jupiter caused the rain. But tell me + who is it that thunders. This makes me tremble. + + Soc. These, as they roll, thunder. + + Strep. In what way? you all-daring man! + + Soc. When they are full of much water, and are compelled + to be borne along, being necessarily precipitated when + full of rain, then they fall heavily upon each other and + burst and clap. + + Strep. Who is it that compels them to borne along? Is it + not Jupiter? + + Soc. By no means, but aethereal Vortex. + + Strep. Vortex? It had escaped my notice that Jupiter did + not exist, and that Vortex now reigned in his stead. But + you have taught me nothing as yet concerning the clap + and the thunder. + + Soc. Have you not heard me, that I said that the Clouds, + when full of moisture, dash against each other and clap + by reason of their density? + + Strep. Come, how am I to believe this? + + Soc. I'll teach you from your own case. Were you ever, + after being stuffed with broth at the Panathenaic + festival, then disturbed in your belly, and did a + tumult suddenly rumble through it? + + Strep. Yes, by Apollo! And immediately the little broth + plays the mischief with me, and is disturbed and rumbles + like thunder, and grumbles dreadfully: at first gently + pappax, pappax; and then it adds papa-pappax; and + finally, it thunders downright papapappax, as they do. + + Soc. Consider, therefore, how you have trumpeted from a + little belly so small; and how is it not probable that + this air, being boundless, should thunder so loudly? + + Strep. For this reason, therefore, the two names also + Trump and Thunder, are similar to each other. But teach + me this, whence comes the thunderbolt blazing with fire, + and burns us to ashes when it smites us, and singes + those who survive. For indeed Jupiter evidently hurls + this at the perjured. + + Soc. Why, how then, you foolish person, and savouring of + the dark ages and antediluvian, if his manner is to + smite the perjured, does he not blast Simon, and + Cleonymus, and Theorus? And yet they are very perjured. + But he smites his own temple, and Sunium the promontory + of Athens, and the tall oaks. Wherefore, for indeed an + oak does not commit perjury. + + Strep. I do not know; but you seem to speak well. For + what, pray, is the thunderbolt? + + Soc. When a dry wind, having been raised aloft, is + inclosed in these Clouds, it inflates them within, like + a bladder; and then, of necessity, having burst them, it + rushes out with vehemence by reason of its density, + setting fire to itself through its rushing and + impetuosity. + + Strep. By Jupiter, of a truth I once experienced this + exactly at the Diasian festival! I was roasting a + haggis for my kinsfolk, and through neglect I did not + cut it open; but it became inflated and then suddenly + bursting, befouled my eyes and burned my face. + + Cho. O mortal, who hast desired great wisdom from us! + How happy will you become among the Athenians and among + the Greeks, if you be possessed of a good memory, and be + a deep thinker, and endurance of labour be implanted in + your soul, and you be not wearied either by standing or + walking, nor be exceedingly vexed at shivering with + cold, nor long to break your fast, and you refrain from + wine, and gymnastics, and the other follies, and + consider this the highest excellence, as is proper a + clever man should, to conquer by action and counsel, and + by battling with your tongue. + + Strep. As far as regards a sturdy spirit, and care that + makes one's bed uneasy, and a frugal spirit and + hard-living and savory-eating belly, be of good courage + and don't trouble yourself; I would offer myself to + hammer on, for that matter. + + Soc. Will you not, pray, now believe in no god, except + what we believe in—this Chaos, and the Clouds, and the + Tongue—these three? + + Strep. Absolutely I would not even converse with the + others, not even if I met them; nor would I sacrifice to + them, nor make libations, nor offer frankincense. + + Cho. Tell us then boldly, what we must do for you? For + you shall not fail in getting it, if you honour and + admire us, and seek to become clever. + + Strep. O mistresses, I request of you then this very + small favour, that I be the best of the Greeks in + speaking by a hundred stadia. + + Cho. Well, you shall have this from us, so that + hence-forward from this time no one shall get more + opinions passed in the public assemblies than you. + + Strep. Grant me not to deliver important opinions; for I + do not desire these, but only to pervert the right for + my own advantage, and to evade my creditors. + + Cho. Then you shall obtain what you desire; for you do + not covet great things. But commit yourself without fear + to our ministers. + + Strep. I will do so in reliance upon you, for necessity + oppresses me, on account of the blood-horses, and the + marriage that ruined me. Now, therefore, let them use me + as they please. I give up this body to them to be + beaten, to be hungered, to be troubled with thirst, to + be squalid, to shiver with cold, to flay into a leathern + bottle, if I shall escape clear from my debts, and + appear to men to be bold, glib of tongue, audacious, + impudent, shameless, a fabricator of falsehoods, + inventive of words, a practiced knave in lawsuits, a + law-tablet, a thorough rattle, a fox, a sharper, a + slippery knave, a dissembler, a slippery fellow, an + impostor, a gallows-bird, a blackguard, a twister, a + troublesome fellow, a licker-up of hashes. If they call + me this, when they meet me, let them do to me absolutely + what they please. And if they like, by Ceres, let them + serve up a sausage out of me to the deep thinkers. + + Cho. This man has a spirit not void of courage, but + prompt. Know, that if you learn these matters from me, + you will possess among mortals a glory as high as + heaven. + + Strep. What shall I experience? + + Cho. You shall pass with me the most enviable of mortal + lives the whole time. + + Strep. Shall I then ever see this? + + Cho. Yea, so that many be always seated at your gates, + wishing to communicate with you and come to a conference + with you, to consult with you as to actions and + affidavits of many talents, as is worthy of your + abilities. + + [To Socrates.] + + But attempt to teach the old man by degrees whatever you + purpose, and scrutinize his intellect, and make trial of + his mind. + + Soc. Come now, tell me your own turn of mind; in order + that, when I know of what sort it is, I may now, after + this, apply to you new engines. + + Strep. What? By the gods, do you purpose to besiege me? + + Soc. No; I wish to briefly learn from you if you are + possessed of a good memory. + + Strep. In two ways, by Jove! If anything be owing to me, + I have a very good memory; but if I owe unhappy man, I + am very forgetful. + + Soc. Is the power of speaking, pray, implanted in your + nature? + + Strep. Speaking is not in me, but cheating is. + + Soc. How, then, will you be able to learn? + + Strep. Excellently, of course. + + Soc. Come, then, take care that, whenever I propound any + clever dogma about abstruse matters, you catch it up + immediately. + + Strep. What then? Am I to feed upon wisdom like a dog? + + Soc. This man is ignorant and brutish—I fear, old man, + lest you will need blows. Come, let me see; what do you + do if any one beat you? + + Strep. I take the beating; and then, when I have waited + a little while, I call witnesses to prove it; then + again, after a short interval, I go to law. + + Soc. Come, then, lay down your cloak. + + Strep. Have I done any wrong? + + Soc. No; but it is the rule to enter naked. + + Strep. But I do not enter to search for stolen goods. + + Soc. Lay it down. Why do you talk nonsense? + + Strep. Now tell me this, pray. If I be diligent and + learn zealously, to which of your disciples shall I + become like? + + Soc. You will no way differ from Chaerephon in + intellect. + + Strep. Ah me, unhappy! I shall become half-dead. + + Soc. Don't chatter; but quickly follow me hither with + smartness. + + Strep. Then give me first into my hands a honeyed cake; + for I am afraid of descending within, as if into the + cave of Trophonius. + + Soc. Proceed; why do you keep poking about the door? + + [Exeunt Socrates and Strepsiades] + + Cho. Well, go in peace, for the sake of this your + valour. May prosperity attend the man, because, being + advanced into the vale of years, he imbues his intellect + with modern subjects, and cultivates wisdom! + + [Turning to the audience.] + + Spectators, I will freely declare to you the truth, by + Bacchus, who nurtured me! So may I conquer, and be + accounted skillful, as that, deeming you to be clever + spectators, and this to be the cleverest of my comedies, + I thought proper to let you first taste that comedy, + which gave me the greatest labour. And then I retired + from the contest defeated by vulgar fellows, though I + did not deserve it. These things, therefore, I object to + you, a learned audience, for whose sake I was expending + this labour. But not even thus will I ever willingly + desert the discerning portion of you. For since what + time my Modest Man and my Rake were very highly praised + here by an audience, with whom it is a pleasure even to + hold converse, and I (for I was still a virgin, and it + was not lawful for me as yet to have children) exposed + my offspring, and another girl took it up, and owned it, + and you generously reared and educated it, from this + time I have had sure pledges of your good will toward + me. Now, therefore, like that well-known Electra, has + this comedy come seeking, if haply it meet with an + audience so clever, for it will recognize, if it should + see, the lock of its brother. But see how modest she is + by nature, who, in the first place, has come, having + stitched to her no leathern phallus hanging down, red at + the top, and thick, to set the boys a laughing; nor yet + jeered the bald-headed, nor danced the cordax; nor does + the old man who speaks the verses beat the person near + him with his staff, keeping out of sight wretched + ribaldry; nor has she rushed in with torches, nor does + she shout iou, iou; but has come relying on herself and + her verses. And I, although so excellent a poet, do not + give myself airs, nor do I seek to deceive you by twice + and thrice bringing forward the same pieces; but I am + always clever at introducing new fashions, not at all + resembling each other, and all of them clever; who + struck Cleon in the belly when at the height of his + power, and could not bear to attack him afterward when + he was down. But these scribblers, when once Hyperbolus + has given them a handle, keep ever trampling on this + wretched man and his mother. Eupolis, indeed, first of + all craftily introduced his Maricas, having basely, base + fellow, spoiled by altering my play of the Knights, + having added to it, for the sake of the cordax, a + drunken old woman, whom Phrynichus long ago poetized, + whom the whale was for devouring. Then again Hermippus + made verses on Hyperbolus; and now all others press hard + upon Hyperbolus, imitating my simile of the eels. + Whoever, therefore, laughs at these, let him not take + pleasure in my attempts; but if you are delighted with + me and my inventions, in times to come you will seem to + be wise. +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + I first invoke, to join our choral band, the mighty + Jupiter, ruling on high, the monarch of gods; and the + potent master of the trident, the fierce upheaver of + earth and briny sea; and our father of great renown, + most august Aether, life-supporter of all; and the + horse-guider, who fills the plain of the earth with + exceeding bright beams, a mighty deity among gods and + mortals. +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Most clever spectators, come, give us your attention; + for having been injured, we blame you to your faces. For + though we benefit the state most of all the gods, to us + alone of the deities you do not offer sacrifice nor yet + pour libations, who watch over you. For if there should + be any expedition without prudence, then we either + thunder or drizzle small rain. And then, when you were + for choosing as your general the Paphlagonian tanner, + hateful to the gods, we contracted our brows and were + enraged; and thunder burst through the lightning; and + the Moon forsook her usual paths; and the Sun + immediately drew in his wick to himself, and declared he + would not give you light, if Cleon should be your + general. Nevertheless you chose him. For they say that + ill counsel is in this city; that the gods, however, + turn all these your mismanagements to a prosperous + issue. And how this also shall be advantageous, we will + easily teach you. If you should convict the cormorant + Cleon of bribery and embezzlement, and then make fast + his neck in the stocks, the affair will turn out for the + state to the ancient form again, if you have mismanaged + in any way, and to a prosperous issue. +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + Hear me again, King Phoebus, Delian Apollo, who + inhabitest the high-peaked Cynthian rock! And thou, + blessed goddess, who inhabitest the all-golden house of + Ephesus, in which Lydian damsels greatly reverence + thee; and thou, our national goddess, swayer of the + aegis, Minerva, guardian of the city! And thou, reveler + Bacchus, who, inhabiting the Parnassian rock, sparklest + with torches, conspicuous among the Delphic Bacchanals! +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + When we had got ready to set out hither, the Moon met + us, and commanded us first to greet the Athenians and + their allies; and then declared that she was angry, for + that she had suffered dreadful things, though she + benefits you all, not in words, but openly. In the first + place, not less than a drachma every month for torches; + so that also all, when they went out of an evening, were + wont to say, "Boy, don't buy a torch, for the moonlight + is beautiful." And she says she confers other benefits + on you, but that you do not observe the days at all + correctly, but confuse them up and down; so that she + says the gods are constantly threatening her, when they + are defrauded of their dinner, and depart home, not + having met with the regular feast according to the + number of the days. And then, when you ought to be + sacrificing, you are inflicting tortures and litigating. + And often, while we gods are observing a fast, when we + mourn for Memnon or Sarpedon, you are pouring libations + and laughing. For which reason Hyperbolus, having + obtained the lot this year to be Hieromnemon, was + afterward deprived by us gods of his crown; for thus he + will know better that he ought to spend the days of his + life according to the Moon. + + [Enter Socrates] + + Soc. By Respiration, and Chaos, and Air, I have not seen + any man so boorish, nor so impracticable, nor so stupid, + nor so forgetful; who, while learning some little petty + quibbles, forgets them before he has learned them. + Nevertheless I will certainly call him out here to the + light. Where is Strepsiades? Come forth with your couch. + + Strep. (from within). The bugs do not permit me to bring + it forth. + + Soc. Make haste and lay it down; and give me your + attention. + + [Enter Strepsiades] + + Strep. Very well. + + Soc. Come now; what do you now wish to learn first of + those things in none of which you have ever been + instructed? Tell me. About measures, or rhythms, or + verses? + + Strep. I should prefer to learn about measures; for it + is but lately I was cheated out of two choenices by a + meal-huckster. + + Soc. I do not ask you this, but which you account the + most beautiful measure; the trimetre or the tetrameter? + + Strep. Make a wager then with me, if the semisextarius + be not a tetrameter. + + Soc. Go to the devil! How boorish you are and dull of + learning. Perhaps you may be able to learn about + rhythms. + + Strep. But what good will rhythms do me for a living? + + Soc. In the first place, to be clever at an + entertainment, understanding what rhythm is for the + war-dance, and what, again, according to the dactyle. + + Strep. According to the dactyle? By Jove, but I know it! + + Soc. Tell me, pray. + + Strep. What else but this finger? Formerly, indeed, when + I was yet a boy, this here! + + Soc. You are boorish and stupid. + + Strep. For I do not desire, you wretch, to learn any of + these things. + + Soc. What then? + + Strep. That, that, the most unjust cause. + + Soc. But you must learn other things before these; + namely, what quadrupeds are properly masculine. + + Strep. I know the males, if I am not mad-krios, tragos, + tauros, kuon, alektryon. + + Soc. Do you see what you are doing? You are calling both + the female and the male alektryon in the same way. + + Strep. How, pray? Come, tell me. + + Soc. How? The one with you is alektryon, and the other + is alektryon also. + + Strep. Yea, by Neptune! How now ought I to call them? + + Soc. The one alektryaina and the other alektor. + + Strep. Alektryaina? Capital, by the Air! So that, in + return for this lesson alone, I will fill your kardopos + full of barley-meal on all sides. + + Soc. See! See! There again is another blunder! You make + kardopos, which is feminine, to be masculine. + + Strep. In what way do I make kardopos masculine? + + Soc. Most assuredly; just as if you were to say + Cleonymos. + + Strep. Good sir, Cleonymus had no kneading-trough, but + kneaded his bread in a round mortar. How ought I to call + it henceforth? + + Soc. How? Call it kardope, as you call Sostrate. + + Strep. Kardope in the feminine? + + Soc. For so you speak it rightly. + + Strep. But that would make it kardope, Kleonyme. + + Soc. You must learn one thing more about names, what are + masculine and what of them are feminine. + + Strep. I know what are female. + + Soc. Tell me, pray. + + Strep. Lysilla, Philinna, Clitagora, Demetria. + + Soc. What names are masculine? + + Strep. Thousands; Philoxenus, Melesias, Amynias. + + Soc. But, you wretch! These are not masculine. + + Strep. Are they not males with you? + + Soc. By no means; for how would you call Amynias, if you + met him? + + Strep. How would I call? Thus: "Come hither, come hither + Amynia!" + + Soc. Do you see? You call Amynias a woman. + + Strep. Is it not then with justice, who does not serve + in the army? But why should I learn these things, that + we all know? + + Soc. It is no use, by Jupiter! Having reclined yourself + down here— + + Strep. What must I do? + + Soc. Think out some of your own affairs. + + Strep. Not here, pray, I beseech you; but, if I must, + suffer me to excogitate these very things on the ground. + + Soc. There is no other way. + + [Exit Socrates.] + + Strep. Unfortunate man that I am! What a penalty shall I + this day pay to the bugs! + + Cho. Now meditate and examine closely; and roll yourself + about in every way, having wrapped yourself up; and + quickly, when you fall into a difficulty, spring to + another mental contrivance. But let delightful sleep be + absent from your eyes. + + Strep. Attatai! Attatai! + + Cho. What ails you? Why are you distressed? + + Strep. Wretched man, I am perishing! The Corinthians, + coming out from the bed, are biting me, and devouring my + sides, and drinking up my life-blood, and tearing away + my flesh, and digging through my vitals, and will + annihilate me. + + Cho. Do not now be very grievously distressed. + + Strep. Why, how, when my money is gone, my complexion + gone, my life gone, and my slipper gone? And furthermore + in addition to these evils, with singing the + night-watches, I am almost gone myself. + + [Re-enter Socrates] + + Soc. Ho you! What are you about? Are you not meditating? + + Strep. I? Yea, by Neptune! + + Soc. And what, pray, have you thought? + + Strep. Whether any bit of me will be left by the bugs. + + Soc. You will perish most wretchedly. + + Strep. But, my good friend, I have already perished. + + Soc. You must not give in, but must wrap yourself up; + for you have to discover a device for abstracting, and a + means of cheating. + + [Walks up and down while Strepsiades wraps himself up in + the blankets.] + + Strep. Ah me! Would, pray, some one would throw over me + a swindling contrivance from the sheep-skins. + + Soc. Come now; I will first see this fellow, what he is + about. Ho you! Are you asleep? + + Strep. No, by Apollo, I am not! + + Soc. Have you got anything? + + Strep. No; by Jupiter, certainly not! + + Soc. Nothing at all? + + Strep. Nothing, except what I have in my right hand. + + Soc. Will you not quickly cover yourself up and think of + something? + + Strep. About what? For do you tell me this, O Socrates! + + Soc. Do you, yourself, first find out and state what you + wish. + + Strep. You have heard a thousand times what I wish. + About the interest; so that I may pay no one. + + Soc. Come then, wrap yourself up, and having given your + mind play with subtilty, revolve your affairs by little + and little, rightly distinguishing and examining. + + Strep. Ah me, unhappy man! + + Soc. Keep quiet; and if you be puzzled in any one of + your conceptions, leave it and go; and then set your + mind in motion again, and lock it up. + + Strep. (in great glee). O dearest little Socrates! + + Soc. What, old man? + + Strep. I have got a device for cheating them of the + interest. + + Soc. Exhibit it. + + Strep. Now tell me this, pray; if I were to purchase a + Thessalian witch, and draw down the moon by night, and + then shut it up, as if it were a mirror, in a round + crest-case, and then carefully keep it— + + Soc. What good, pray, would this do you? + + Strep. What? If the moon were to rise no longer + anywhere, I should not pay the interest. + + Soc. Why so, pray? + + Strep. Because the money is lent out by the month. + + Soc. Capital! But I will again propose to you another + clever question. If a suit of five talents should be + entered against you, tell me how you would obliterate + it. + + Strep. How? How? I do not know but I must seek. + + Soc. Do not then always revolve your thoughts about + yourself; but slack away your mind into the air, like a + cock-chafer tied with a thread by the foot. + + Strep. I have found a very clever method of getting rid + of my suit, so that you yourself would acknowledge it. + + Soc. Of what description? + + Strep. Have you ever seen this stone in the chemist's + shops, the beautiful and transparent one, from which + they kindle fire? + + Soc. Do you mean the burning-glass? + + Strep. I do. Come what would you say, pray, if I were to + take this, when the clerk was entering the suit, and + were to stand at a distance, in the direction of the + sun, thus, and melt out the letters of my suit? + + Soc. Cleverly done, by the Graces! + + Strep. Oh! How I am delighted, that a suit of five + talents has been cancelled! + + Soc. Come now, quickly seize upon this. + + Strep. What? + + Soc. How, when engaged in a lawsuit, you could overturn + the suit, when you were about to be cast, because you + had no witnesses. + + Strep. Most readily and easily. + + Soc. Tell me, pray. + + Strep. Well now, I'll tell you. If, while one suit was + still pending, before mine was called on, I were to run + away and hang myself. + + Soc. You talk nonsense. + + Strep. By the gods, would I! For no one will bring + action against me when I am dead. + + Soc. You talk nonsense. Begone; I can't teach you any + longer. + + Strep. Why so? Yea, by the gods, O Socrates! + + Soc. You straightaway forget whatever you learn. For + what now was the first thing you were taught? Tell me. + + Strep. Come, let me see: nay, what was the first? What + was the fist? Nay, what was the thing in which we knead + our flour? Ah me! What was it? + + Soc. Will you not pack off to the devil, you most + forgetful and most stupid old man? + + Strep. Ah me, what then, pray will become of me, + wretched man? For I shall be utterly undone, if I do not + learn to ply the tongue. Come, O ye Clouds, give me some + good advice. + + Cho. We, old man, advise you, if you have a son grown + up, to send him to learn in your stead. + + Strep. Well, I have a fine, handsome son, but he is not + willing to learn. What must I do? + + Cho. But do you permit him? + + Strep. Yes, for he is robust in body, and in good + health, and is come of the high-plumed dames of Coesyra. + I will go for him, and if he be not willing, I will + certainly drive him from my house. + + [To Socrates.] + + Go in and wait for me a short time. + + [Exit] + + Cho. Do you perceive that you are soon to obtain the + greatest benefits through us alone of the gods? For this + man is ready to do everything that you bid him. But you, + while the man is astounded and evidently elated, having + perceived it, will quickly fleece him to the best of + your power. + + [Exit Socrates] + + For matters of this sort are somehow accustomed to turn + the other way. + + [Enter Strepsiades and Phidippides] + + Strep. By Mist, you certainly shall not stay here any + longer! But go and gnaw the columns of Megacles. + + Phid. My good sir, what is the matter with you, O + father? You are not in your senses, by Olympian Jupiter! + + Strep. See, see, "Olympian Jupiter!" What folly! To + think of your believing in Jupiter, as old as you are! + + Phid. Why, pray, did you laugh at this? + + Strep. Reflecting that you are a child, and have + antiquated notions. Yet, however, approach, that you may + know more; and I will tell you a thing, by learning + which you will be a man. But see that you do not teach + this to any one. + + Phid. Well, what is it? + + Strep. You swore now by Jupiter. + + Phid. I did. + + Strep. Seest thou, then, how good a thing is learning? + There is no Jupiter, O Phidippides! + + Phid. Who then? + + Strep. Vortex reigns, having expelled Jupiter. + + Phid. Bah! Why do you talk foolishly? + + Strep. Be assured that it is so. + + Phid. Who says this? + + Strep. Socrates the Melian, and Chaerephon, who knows + the footmarks of fleas. + + Phid. Have you arrived at such a pitch of frenzy that + you believe madmen? + + Strep. Speak words of good omen, and say nothing bad of + clever men and wise; of whom, through frugality, none + ever shaved or anointed himself, or went to a bath to + wash himself; while you squander my property in bathing, + as if I were already dead. But go as quickly as possible + and learn instead of me. + + Phid. What good could any one learn from them? + + Strep. What, really? Whatever wisdom there is among men. + And you will know yourself, how ignorant and stupid you + are. But wait for me here a short time. + + [Runs off] + + Phid. Ah me! What shall I do, my father being crazed? + Shall I bring him into court and convict him of lunacy, + or shall I give information of his madness to the + coffin-makers? + + [Re-enter Strepsiades with a cock under one arm and a + hen under the other] + + Strep. Come, let me see; what do you consider this to + be? Tell me. + + Phid. Alectryon. + + Strep. Right. And what this? + + Phid. Alectryon. + + Strep. Both the same? You are very ridiculous. Do not do + so, then, for the future; but call this alektryaina, and + this one alektor. + + Phid. Alektryaina! Did you learn these clever things by + going in just now to the Titans? + + Strep. And many others too; but whatever I learned on + each occasion I used to forget immediately, through + length of years. + + Phid. Is it for this reason, pray, that you have also + lost your cloak? + + Strep. I have not lost it; but have studied it away. + + Phid. What have you made of your slippers, you foolish + man? + + Strep. I have expended them, like Pericles, for needful + purposes. Come, move, let us go. And then if you obey + your father, go wrong if you like. I also know that I + formerly obeyed you, a lisping child of six years old, + and bought you a go-cart at the Diasia, with the first + obolus I received from the Heliaea. + + Phid. You will assuredly some time at length be grieved + at this. + + Strep. It is well done of you that you obeyed. Come + hither, come hither O Socrates! Come forth, for I bring + to you this son of mine, having persuaded him against + his will. + + [Enter Socrates] + + Soc. For he is still childish, and not used to the + baskets here. + + Phid. You would yourself be used to them if you were + hanged. + + Strep. A mischief take you! Do you abuse your teacher? + + Soc. "Were hanged" quoth 'a! How sillily he pronounced + it, and with lips wide apart! How can this youth ever + learn an acquittal from a trial or a legal summons, or + persuasive refutation? And yet Hyperbolus learned this + at the cost of a talent. + + Strep. Never mind; teach him. He is clever by nature. + Indeed, from his earliest years, when he was a little + fellow only so big, he was wont to form houses and carve + ships within-doors, and make little wagons of leather, + and make frogs out of pomegranate-rinds, you can't think + how cleverly. But see that he learns those two causes; + the better, whatever it may be; and the worse, which, by + maintaining what is unjust, overturns the better. If not + both, at any rate the unjust one by all means. + + Soc. He shall learn it himself from the two causes in + person. + + [Exit Socrates] + + Strep. I will take my departure. Remember this now, that + he is to be able to reply to all just arguments. + + [Exit Strepsiades and enter Just Cause and Unjust Cause] + + Just Cause. Come hither! Show yourself to the + spectators, although being audacious. + + Unjust Cause. Go whither you please; for I shall far + rather do for you, if I speak before a crowd. + + Just. You destroy me? Who are you? + + Unj. A cause. + + Just. Ay, the worse. + + Unj. But I conquer you, who say that you are better than + I. + + Just. By doing what clever trick? + + Unj. By discovering new contrivances. + + Just. For these innovations flourish by the favour of + these silly persons. + + Unj. No; but wise persons. + + Just I will destroy you miserably. + + Unj. Tell me, by doing what? + + Just By speaking what is just. + + Unj. But I will overturn them by contradicting them; for + I deny that justice even exists at all. + + Just Do you deny that it exists? + + Unj. For come, where is it? + + Just With the gods. + + Unj. How, then, if justice exists, has Jupiter not + perished, who bound his own father? + + Just Bah! This profanity now is spreading! Give me a + basin. + + Unj. You are a dotard and absurd. + + Just You are debauched and shameless. + + Unj. You have spoken roses of me. + + Just And a dirty lickspittle. + + Unj. You crown me with lilies. + + Just And a parricide. + + Unj. You don't know that you are sprinkling me with + gold. + + Just Certainly not so formerly, but with lead. + + Unj. But now this is an ornament to me. + + Just You are very impudent. + + Unj. And you are antiquated. + + Just And through you, no one of our youths is willing to + go to school; and you will be found out some time or + other by the Athenians, what sort of doctrines you teach + the simple-minded. + + Unj. You are shamefully squalid. + + Just And you are prosperous. And yet formerly you were a + beggar saying that you were the Mysian Telephus, and + gnawing the maxims of Pandeletus out of your little + wallet. + + Unj. Oh, the wisdom— + + Just Oh, the madness— + + Unj. Which you have mentioned. + + Just And of your city, which supports you who ruin her + youths. + + Unj. You shan't teach this youth, you old dotard. + + Just Yes, if he is to be saved, and not merely to + practise loquacity. + + Unj. (to Phidippides) Come hither, and leave him to + rave. + + Just You shall howl, if you lay your hand on him. + + Cho. Cease from contention and railing. But show to us, + you, what you used to teach the men of former times, and + you, the new system of education; in order that, having + heard you disputing, he may decide and go to the school + of one or the other. + + Just. I am willing to do so. + + Unj. I also am willing. + + Cho. Come now, which of the two shall speak first? + + Unj. I will give him the precedence; and then, from + these things which he adduces, I will shoot him dead + with new words and thoughts. And at last, if he mutter, + he shall be destroyed, being stung in his whole face and + his two eyes by my maxims, as if by bees. + + Cho. Now the two, relying on very dexterous arguments + and thoughts, and sententious maxims, will show which of + them shall appear superior in argument. For now the + whole crisis of wisdom is here laid before them; about + which my friends have a very great contest. But do you, + who adorned our elders with many virtuous manners, utter + the voice in which you rejoice, and declare your nature. + + Just. I will, therefore, describe the ancient system of + education, how it was ordered, when I flourished in the + advocacy of justice, and temperance was the fashion. In + the first place it was incumbent that no one should hear + the voice of a boy uttering a syllable; and next, that + those from the same quarter of the town should march in + good order through the streets to the school of the + harp-master, naked, and in a body, even if it were to + snow as thick as meal. Then again, their master would + teach them, not sitting cross-legged, to learn by rote a + song, either "pallada persepolin deinan" or "teleporon + ti boama" raising to a higher pitch the harmony which + our fathers transmitted to us. But if any of them were + to play the buffoon, or to turn any quavers, like these + difficult turns the present artists make after the + manner of Phrynis, he used to be thrashed, being beaten + with many blows, as banishing the Muses. And it behooved + the boys, while sitting in the school of the + Gymnastic-master, to cover the thigh, so that they might + exhibit nothing indecent to those outside; then again, + after rising from the ground, to sweep the sand + together, and to take care not to leave an impression of + the person for their lovers. And no boy used in those + days to anoint himself below the navel; so that their + bodies wore the appearance of blooming health. Nor used + he to go to his lover, having made up his voice in an + effeminate tone, prostituting himself with his eyes. Nor + used it to be allowed when one was dining to take the + head of the radish, or to snatch from their seniors dill + or parsley, or to eat fish, or to giggle, or to keep the + legs crossed. + + Unj. Aye, antiquated and dipolia-like and full of + grasshoppers, and of Cecydes, and of the Buphonian + festival! + + Just Yet certainly these are those principles by which + my system of education nurtured the men who fought at + Marathon. But you teach the men of the present day, so + that I am choked, when at the Panathenaia a fellow, + holding his shield before his person, neglects + Tritogenia, when they ought to dance. Wherefore, O + youth, choose with confidence, me, the better cause, and + you will learn to hate the Agora, and to refrain from + baths, and to be ashamed of what is disgraceful, and to + be enraged if any one jeer you, and to rise up from + seats before your seniors when they approach, and not to + behave ill toward your parents, and to do nothing else + that is base, because you are to form in your mind an + image of Modesty: and not to dart into the house of a + dancing-woman, lest, while gaping after these things, + being struck with an apple by a wanton, you should be + damaged in your reputation: and not to contradict your + father in anything; nor by calling him Iapetus, to + reproach him with the ills of age, by which you were + reared in your infancy. + + Unj. If you shall believe him in this, O youth, by + Bacchus, you will be like the sons of Hippocrates, and + they will call you a booby. + + Just. Yet certainly shall you spend your time in the + gymnastic schools, sleek and blooming; not chattering in + the market-place rude jests, like the youths of the + present day; nor dragged into court for a petty suit, + greedy, pettifogging, knavish; but you shall descend to + the Academy and run races beneath the sacred olives + along with some modest compeer, crowned with white + reeds, redolent of yew, and careless ease, of + leaf-shedding white poplar, rejoicing in the season of + spring, when the plane-tree whispers to the elm. If you + do these things which I say, and apply your mind to + these, you will ever have a stout chest, a clear + complexion, broad shoulders, a little tongue, large + hips, little lewdness. But if you practise what the + youths of the present day do, you will have in the first + place, a pallid complexion, small shoulders, a narrow + chest, a large tongue, little hips, great lewdness, a + long psephism; and this deceiver will persuade you to + consider everything that is base to be honourable, and + what is honourable to be base; and in addition to this, + he will fill you with the lewdness of Antimachus. + + Cho. O thou that practisest most renowned high-towering + wisdom! How sweetly does a modest grace attend your + words! Happy, therefore, were they who lived in those + days, in the times of former men! In reply, then, to + these, O thou that hast a dainty-seeming Muse, it + behooveth thee to say something new; since the man has + gained renown. And it appears you have need of powerful + arguments against him, if you are to conquer the man and + not incur laughter. + + Unj. And yet I was choking in my heart, and was longing + to confound all these with contrary maxims. For I have + been called among the deep thinkers the "worse cause" on + this very account, that I first contrived how to speak + against both law and justice; and this art is worth more + than ten thousand staters, that one should choose the + worse cause, and nevertheless be victorious. But mark + how I will confute the system of education on which he + relies, who says, in the first place, that he will not + permit you to be washed with warm water. And yet, on + what principle do you blame the warm baths? + + Just. Because it is most vile, and makes a man cowardly. + + Unj. Stop! For immediately I seize and hold you by the + waist without escape. Come, tell me, which of the sons + of Jupiter do you deem to have been the bravest in soul, + and to have undergone most labours? + + Just. I consider no man superior to Hercules. + + Unj. Where, pray, did you ever see cold Herculean baths? + And yet, who was more valiant than he? + + Just. These are the very things which make the bath full + of youths always chattering all day long, but the + palaestras empty. + + Unj. You next find fault with their living in the + market-place; but I commend it. For if it had been bad, + Homer would never have been for representing Nestor as + an orator; nor all the other wise men. I will return, + then, from thence to the tongue, which this fellow says + our youths ought not to exercise, while I maintain they + should. And again, he says they ought to be modest: two + very great evils. For tell me to whom you have ever seen + any good accrue through modesty and confute me by your + words. + + Just. To many. Peleus, at any rate, received his sword + on account of it. + + Unj. A sword? Marry, he got a pretty piece of luck, the + poor wretch! While Hyperbolus, he of the lamps, got more + than many talents by his villainy, but by Jupiter, no + sword! + + Just. And Peleus married Thetis, too, through his + modesty. + + Unj. And then she went off and left him; for he was not + lustful, nor an agreeable bedfellow to spend the night + with. Now a woman delights in being wantonly treated. + But you are an old dotard. For (to Phidippides) + consider, O youth, all that attaches to modesty, and of + how many pleasures you are about to be deprived—of + women, of games at cottabus, of dainties, of + drinking-bouts, of giggling. And yet, what is life worth + to you if you be deprived of these enjoyments? Well, I + will pass from thence to the necessities of our nature. + You have gone astray, you have fallen in love, you have + been guilty of some adultery, and then have been caught. + You are undone, for you are unable to speak. But if you + associate with me, indulge your inclination, dance, + laugh, and think nothing disgraceful. For if you should + happen to be detected as an adulterer, you will make + this reply to him, "that you have done him no injury": + and then refer him to Jupiter, how even he is overcome + by love and women. And yet, how could you, who are a + mortal, have greater power than a god? + + Just. But what if he should suffer the radish through + obeying you, and be depillated with hot ashes? What + argument will he be able to state, to prove that he is + not a blackguard? + + Unj. And if he be a blackguard, what harm will he + suffer? + + Just. Nay, what could he ever suffer still greater than + this? + + Unj. What then will you say if you be conquered by me in + this? + + Just. I will be silent: what else can I do? + + Unj. Come, now, tell me; from what class do the + advocates come? + + Just. From the blackguards. + + Unj. I believe you. What then? From what class do + tragedians come? + + Just. From the blackguards. + + Unj. You say well. But from what class do the public + orators come? + + Just. From the blackguards. + + Unj. Then have you perceived that you say nothing to the + purpose? And look which class among the audience is the + more numerous. + + Just. Well now, I'm looking. + + Unj. What, then, do you see? + + Just. By the gods, the blackguards to be far more + numerous. This fellow, at any rate, I know; and him + yonder; and this fellow with the long hair. + + Unj. What, then, will you say? + + Just. We are conquered. Ye blackguards, by the gods, + receive my cloak, for I desert to you. + + [Exeunt the Two Causes, and re-enter Socrates and + Strepsiades.] + + Soc. What then? whether do you wish to take and lead + away this your son, or shall I teach him to speak? + + Strep. Teach him, and chastise him: and remember that + you train him properly; on the one side able for petty + suits; but train his other jaw able for the more + important causes. + + Soc. Make yourself easy; you shall receive him back a + clever sophist. + + Strep. Nay, rather, pale and wretched. + + [Exeunt Socrates, Strepsiades, and Phidippides.] + + Cho. Go ye, then: but I think that you will repent of + these proceedings. We wish to speak about the judges, + what they will gain, if at all they justly assist this + Chorus. For in the first place, if you wish to plough up + your fields in spring, we will rain for you first; but + for the others afterward. And then we will protect the + fruits, and the vines, so that neither drought afflict + them, nor excessive wet weather. But if any mortal + dishonour us who are goddesses, let him consider what + evils he will suffer at our hands, obtaining neither + wine nor anything else from his farm. For when his + olives and vines sprout, they shall be cut down; with + such slings will we smite them. And if we see him making + brick, we will rain; and we will smash the tiles of his + roof with round hailstones. And if he himself, or any + one of his kindred or friends, at any time marry, we + will rain the whole night; so he will probably wish + rather to have been even in Egypt than to have judged + badly. + + [Enter Strepsiades with a meal-sack on his shoulder.] + + Strep. The fifth, the fourth, the third, after this the + second; and then, of all the days I most fear, and + dread, and abominate, immediately after this there is + the Old and New. For every one to whom I happen to be + indebted, swears, and says he will ruin and destroy me, + having made his deposits against me; though I only ask + what is moderate and just-"My good sir, one part don't + take just now; the other part put off I pray; and the + other part remit"; they say that thus they will never + get back their money, but abuse me, as I am unjust, and + say they will go to law with me. Now therefore let them + go to law, for it little concerns me, if Phidippides has + learned to speak well. I shall soon know by knocking at + the thinking-shop. + + [Knocks at the door.] + + Boy, I say! Boy, boy! + + [Enter Socrates] + + Soc. Good morning, Strepsiades. + + Strep. The same to you. But first accept this present; + for one ought to compliment the teacher with a fee. And + tell me about my son, if he has learned that cause, + which you just now brought forward. + + Soc. He has learned it. + + Strep. Well done, O Fraud, all-powerful queen! + + Soc. So that you can get clear off from whatever suit + you please. + + Strep. Even if witnesses were present when I borrowed + the money? + + Soc. Yea, much more! Even if a thousand be present. + + Strep. Then I will shout with a very loud shout: Ho! + Weep, you petty-usurers, both you and your principals, + and your compound interests! For you can no longer do me + any harm, because such a son is being reared for me in + this house, shining with a double-edged tongue, for my + guardian, the preserver of my house, a mischief to my + enemies, ending the sadness of the great woes of his + father. Him do thou run and summon from within to me. + + [Socrates goes into the house.] + + O child! O son! Come forth from the house! Hear your + father! + + [Re-enter Socrates leading in Phidippides] + + Soc. Lo, here is the man! + + Strep. O my dear, my dear! + + Soc. Take your son and depart. + + [Exit Socrates.] + + Strep. Oh, oh, my child! Huzza! Huzza! How I am + delighted at the first sight of your complexion! Now, + indeed, you are, in the first place, negative and + disputatious to look at, and this fashion native to the + place plainly appears, the "what do you say?" and the + seeming to be injured when, I well know, you are + injuring and inflicting a wrong; and in your countenance + there is the Attic look. Now, therefore, see that you + save me, since you have also ruined me. + + Phid. What, pray, do you fear? + + Strep. The Old and New. + + Phid. Why, is any day old and new? + + Strep. Yes; on which they say that they will make their + deposits against me. + + Phid. Then those that have made them will lose them; for + it is not possible that two days can be one day. + + Strep. Can not it? + + Phid. Certainly not; unless the same woman can be both + old and young at the same time. + + Strep. And yet it is the law. + + Phid. For they do not, I think, rightly understand what + the law means. + + Strep. And what does it mean? + + Phid. The ancient Solon was by nature the commons' + friend. + + Strep. This surely is nothing whatever to the Old and + New. + + Phid. He therefore made the summons for two days, for + the Old and New, that the deposits might be made on the + first of the month. + + Strep. Why, pray, did he add the old day? + + Phid. In order, my good sir, that the defendants, being + present a day before, might compromise the matter of + their own accord; but if not, that they might be worried + on the morning of the new moon. + + Strep. Why, then, do the magistrates not receive the + deposits on the new moon, but on the Old and New? + + Phid. They seem to me to do what the forestallers do: in + order that they may appreciate the deposits as soon as + possible, on this account they have the first pick by + one day. + + Strep. (turning to the audience) Bravo! Ye wretches, why + do you sit senseless, the gain of us wise men, being + blocks, ciphers, mere sheep, jars heaped together, + wherefore I must sing an encomium upon myself and this + my son, on account of our good fortune. "O happy + Strepsiades! How wise you are yourself, and how + excellent is the son whom you are rearing!" My friends + and fellow-tribesmen will say of me, envying me, when + you prove victorious in arguing causes. But first I wish + to lead you in and entertain you. + + [Exeunt Strepsiades and Phidippides.] + + Pasias (entering with his summons-witness) Then, ought a + man to throw away any part of his own property? Never! + But it were better then at once to put away blushes, + rather than now to have trouble; since I am now dragging + you to be a witness, for the sake of my own money; and + further, in addition to this, I shall become an enemy to + my fellow-tribesman. But never, while I live, will I + disgrace my country, but will summon Strepsiades. + + Strep. (from within) Who's there? + + Pas. For the Old and New. + + Strep. I call you to witness, that he has named it for + two days. For what matter do you summon me? + + Pas. For the twelve minae, which you received when you + were buying the dapple-gray horse. + + Strep. A horse? Do you not hear? I, whom you all know to + hate horsemanship! + + Pas. And, by Jupiter! You swore by the gods too, that + you would repay it. + + Strep. Ay, by Jove! For then my Phidippides did not yet + know the irrefragable argument. + + Pas. And do you now intend, on this account, to deny the + debt? + + Strep. Why, what good should I get else from his + instruction? + + Pas. And will you be willing to deny these upon oath of + the gods? + + Strep. What gods? + + Pas. Jupiter, Mercury, and Neptune. + + Strep. Yes, by Jupiter! And would pay down, too, a + three-obol piece besides to swear. + + Pas. Then may you perish some day for your impudence! + + Strep. This man would be the better for it if he were + cleansed by rubbing with salt. + + Pas. Ah me, how you deride me! + + Strep. He will contain six choae. + + Pas. By great Jupiter and the gods, you certainly shall + not do this to me with impunity! + + Strep. I like your gods amazingly; and Jupiter, sworn + by, is ridiculous to the knowing ones. + + Pas. You will assuredly suffer punishment, some time or + other, for this. But answer and dismiss me, whether you + are going to repay me my money or not. + + Strep. Keep quiet now, for I will presently answer you + distinctly. + + [Runs into the house.] + + Pas. (to his summons-witness). What do you think he will + do? + + Witness. I think he will pay you. + + [Re-enter Strepsiades with a kneading-trough] + + Strep. Where is this man who asks me for his money? Tell + me what is this? + + Pas. What is this? A kardopos. + + Strep. And do you then ask me for your money, being such + an ignorant person? I would not pay, not even an obolus, + to any one who called the kardope kardopos. + + Pas. Then won't you pay me? + + Strep. Not, as far as I know. Will you not then pack off + as fast as possible from my door? + + Pas. I will depart; and be assured of this, that I will + make deposit against you, or may I live no longer! + + Strep. Then you will lose it besides, in addition to + your twelve minae. And yet I do not wish you to suffer + this, because you named the kardopos foolishly. + + [Exeunt Pasias and Witness, and enter Amynias] + + Amynias. Ah me! Ah me! + + Strep. Ha! Whoever is this, who is lamenting? Surely it + was not one of Carcinus' deities that spoke. + + Amyn. But why do you wish to know this, who I am?-A + miserable man. + + Strep. Then follow your own path. + + Amyn. O harsh fortune! O Fates, breaking the wheels of + my horses! O Pallas, how you have destroyed me! + + Strep. What evil, pray, has Tlepolemus ever done you? + + Amyn. Do not jeer me, my friend; but order your son to + pay me the money which he received; especially as I have + been unfortunate. + + Strep. What money is this? + + Amyn. That which he borrowed. + + Strep. Then you were really unlucky, as I think. + + Amyn. By the gods, I fell while driving my horses. + + Strep. Why, pray, do you talk nonsense, as if you had + fallen from an ass? + + Amyn. Do I talk nonsense if I wish to recover my money? + + Strep. You can't be in your senses yourself. + + Amyn. Why, pray? + + Strep. You appear to me to have had your brains shaken + as it were. + + Amyn. And you appear to me, by Hermes, to be going to be + summoned, if you will not pay me the money? + + Strep. Tell me now, whether you think that Jupiter + always rains fresh rain on each occasion, or that the + sun draws from below the same water back again? + + Amyn. I know not which; nor do I care. + + Strep. How then is it just that you should recover your + money, if you know nothing of meteorological matters? + + Amyn. Well, if you are in want, pay me the interest of + my money. + + Strep. What sort of animal is this interest? + + Amyn. Most assuredly the money is always becoming more + and more every month and every day as the time slips + away. + + Strep. You say well. What then? Is it possible that you + consider the sea to be greater now than formerly? + + Amyn. No, by Jupiter, but equal; for it is not fitting + that it should be greater. + + Strep. And how then, you wretch does this become no way + greater, though the rivers flow into it, while you seek + to increase your money? Will you not take yourself off + from my house? Bring me the goad. + + [Enter Servant with a goad.] + + Amyn. I call you to witness these things. + + Strep. (beating him). Go! Why do you delay? Won't you + march, Mr. Blood-horse? + + Amyn. Is not this an insult, pray? + + Strep. Will you move quickly? + + [Pricks him behind with the goad.] + + I'll lay on you, goading you behind, you outrigger? Do + you fly? + + [Amynias runs off.] + + I thought I should stir you, together with your wheels + and your two-horse chariots. + + [Exit Strepsiades.] + + Cho. What a thing it is to love evil courses! For this + old man, having loved them, wishes to withhold the money + that he borrowed. And he will certainly meet with + something today, which will perhaps cause this sophist + to suddenly receive some misfortune, in return for the + knaveries he has begun. For I think that he will + presently find what has been long boiling up, that his + son is skilful to speak opinions opposed to justice, so + as to overcome all with whomsoever he holds converse, + even if he advance most villainous doctrines; and + perhaps, perhaps his father will wish that he were even + speechless. + + Strep. (running out of the house pursued by his son) + Hollo! Hollo! O neighbours, and kinsfolk, and + fellow-tribesmen, defend me, by all means, who am being + beaten! Ah me, unhappy man, for my head and jaw! Wretch! + Do you beat your father? + + Phid. Yes, father. + + Strep. You see him owning that he beats me. + + Phid. Certainly. + + Strep. O wretch, and parricide, and house-breaker! + + Phid. Say the same things of me again, and more. Do you + know that I take pleasure in being much abused? + + Strep. You blackguard! + + Phid. Sprinkle me with roses in abundance. + + Strep. Do you beat your father? + + Phid. And will prove too, by Jupiter! that I beat you + with justice. + + Strep. O thou most rascally! Why, how can it be just to + beat a father? + + Phid. I will demonstrate it, and will overcome you in + argument. + + Strep. Will you overcome me in this? + + Phid. Yea, by much and easily. But choose which of the + two Causes you wish to speak. + + Strep. Of what two Causes? + + Phid. The better, or the worse? + + Strep. Marry, I did get you taught to speak against + justice, by Jupiter, my friend, if you are going to + persuade me of this, that it is just and honourable for + a father to be beaten by his sons! + + Phid. I think I shall certainly persuade you; so that, + when you have heard, not even you yourself will say + anything against it. + + Strep. Well, now, I am willing to hear what you have to + say. + + Cho. It is your business, old man, to consider in what + way you shall conquer the man; for if he were not + relying upon something, he would not be so licentious. + But he is emboldened by something; the boldness of the + man is evident. Now you ought to tell to the Chorus from + what the contention first arose. And this you must do by + all means. + + Strep. Well, now, I will tell you from what we first + began to rail at one another. After we had feasted, as + you know, I first bade him take a lyre, and sing a song + of Simonides, "The Shearing of the Ram." But he + immediately said it was old-fashioned to play on the + lyre and sing while drinking, like a woman grinding + parched barley. + + Phid. For ought you not then immediately to be beaten + and trampled on, bidding me sing, just as if you were + entertaining cicadae? + + Strep. He expressed, however, such opinions then too + within, as he does now; and he asserted that Simonides + was a bad poet. I bore it at first, with difficulty + indeed, yet nevertheless I bore it. And then I bade him + at least take a myrtle-wreath and recite to me some + portion of Aeschylus; and then he immediately said, + "Shall I consider Aeschylus the first among the poets, + full of empty sound, unpolished, bombastic, using rugged + words?" And hereupon you can't think how my heart + panted. But, nevertheless, I restrained my passion, and + said, "At least recite some passage of the more modern + poets, of whatever kind these clever things be." And he + immediately sang a passage of Euripides, how a brother, + O averter of ill! Debauched his uterine sister. And I + bore it no longer, but immediately assailed him with + many abusive reproaches. And then, after that, as was + natural, we hurled word upon word. Then he springs upon + me; and then he was wounding me, and beating me, and + throttling me. + + Phid. Were you not therefore justly beaten, who do not + praise Euripides, the wisest of poets? + + Strep. He the wisest! Oh, what shall I call you? But I + shall be beaten again. + + Phid. Yes, by Jupiter, with justice? + + Strep. Why, how with justice? Who, O shameless fellow, + reared you, understanding all your wishes, when you + lisped what you meant? If you said bryn, I, + understanding it, used to give you to drink. And when + you asked for mamman, I used to come to you with bread. + And you used no sooner to say caccan, than I used to + take and carry you out of doors, and hold you before me. + But you now, throttling me who was bawling and crying + out because I wanted to ease myself, had not the heart + to carry me forth out of doors, you wretch; but I did it + there while I was being throttled. + + Cho. I fancy the hearts of the youths are panting to + hear what he will say. For if, after having done such + things, he shall persuade him by speaking, I would not + take the hide of the old folks, even at the price of a + chick-pea. It is thy business, thou author and upheaver + of new words, to seek some means of persuasion, so that + you shall seem to speak justly. + + Phid. How pleasant it is to be acquainted with new and + clever things, and to be able to despise the established + laws! For I, when I applied my mind to horsemanship + alone, used not to be able to utter three words before I + made a mistake; but now, since he himself has made me + cease from these pursuits, and I am acquainted with + subtle thoughts, and arguments, and speculations, I + think I shall demonstrate that it is just to chastise + one's father. + + Strep. Ride, then, by Jupiter! Since it is better for me + to keep a team of four horses than to be killed with a + beating. + + Phid. I will pass over to that part of my discourse + where you interrupted me; and first I will ask you this: + Did you beat me when I was a boy? + + Strep. I did, through good-will and concern for you. + + Phid. Pray tell me, is it not just that I also should be + well inclined toward you in the same way, and beat you, + since this is to be well inclined-to give a beating? For + why ought your body to be exempt from blows and mine + not? And yet I too was born free. The boys weep, and do + you not think it is right that a father should weep? You + will say that it is ordained by law that this should be + the lot of boys. But I would reply, that old men are + boys twice over, and that it is the more reasonable that + the old should weep than the young, inasmuch as it is + less just that they should err. + + Strep. It is nowhere ordained by law that a father + should suffer this. + + Phid. Was it not then a man like you and me, who first + proposed this law, and by speaking persuaded the + ancients? Why then is it less lawful for me also in turn + to propose henceforth a new law for the sons, that they + should beat their fathers in turn? But as many blows as + we received before the law was made, we remit: and we + concede to them our having been thrashed without return. + Observe the cocks and these other animals, how they + punish their fathers; and yet, in what do they differ + from us, except that they do not write decrees? + + Strep. Why then, since you imitate the cocks in all + things, do you not both eat dung and sleep on a perch? + + Phid. It is not the same thing, my friend; nor would it + appear so to Socrates. + + Strep. Therefore do not beat me; otherwise you will one + day blame yourself. + + Phid. Why, how? + + Strep. Since I am justly entitled to chastise you; and + you to chastise your son, if you should have one. + + Phid. But if I should not have one, I shall have wept + for nothing, and you will die laughing at me. + + Strep. To me, indeed, O comrades, he seems to speak + justly; and I think we ought to concede to them what is + fitting. For it is proper that we should weep, if we do + not act justly. + + Phid. Consider still another maxim. + + Strep. No; for I shall perish if I do. + + Phid. And yet perhaps you will not be vexed at suffering + what you now suffer. + + Strep. How, pray? For inform me what good you will do me + by this. + + Phid. I will beat my mother, just as I have you. + + Strep. What do you say? What do you say? This other, + again, is a greater wickedness. + + Phid. But what if, having the worst Cause, I shall + conquer you in arguing, proving that it is right to beat + one's mother? + + Strep. Most assuredly, if you do this, nothing will + hinder you from casting yourself and your Worse Cause + into the pit along with Socrates. These evils have I + suffered through you, O Clouds! Having intrusted all my + affairs to you. + + Cho. Nay, rather, you are yourself the cause of these + things, having turned yourself to wicked courses. + + Strep. Why, pray, did you not tell me this, then, but + excited with hopes a rustic and aged man? + + Cho. We always do this to him whom we perceive to be a + lover of wicked courses, until we precipitate him into + misfortune, so that he may learn to fear the gods. + + Strep. Ah me! it is severe, O Clouds! But it is just; + for I ought not to have withheld the money which I + borrowed. Now, therefore, come with me, my dearest son, + that you may destroy the blackguard Chaerephon and + Socrates, who deceived you and me. + + Phid. I will not injure my teachers. + + Strep. Yes, yes, reverence Paternal Jove. + + Phid. "Paternal Jove" quoth'a! How antiquated you are! + Why, is there any Jove? + + Strep. There is. + + Phid. There is not, no; for Vortex reigns having + expelled Jupiter. + + Strep. He has not expelled him; but I fancied this, on + account of this Vortex here. Ah me, unhappy man! When I + even took you who are of earthenware for a god. + + Phid. Here rave and babble to yourself. + + [Exit Phidippides] + + Strep. Ah me, what madness! How mad, then, I was when I + ejected the gods on account of Socrates! But O dear + Hermes, by no means be wroth with me, nor destroy me; + but pardon me, since I have gone crazy through prating. + And become my adviser, whether I shall bring an action + and prosecute them, or whatever you think. You advise me + rightly, not permitting me to get up a lawsuit, but as + soon as possible to set fire to the house of the prating + fellows. Come hither, come hither, Xanthias! Come forth + with a ladder and with a mattock and then mount upon the + thinking-shop and dig down the roof, if you love your + master, until you tumble the house upon them. + + [Xanthias mounts upon the roof] + + But let some one bring me a lighted torch and I'll make + some of them this day suffer punishment, even if they be + ever so much impostors. + + 1st Dis. (from within) Hollo! Hollo! + + Strep. It is your business, O torch, to send forth + abundant flame. + + [Mounts upon the roof] + + 1st Dis. What are you doing, fellow? + + Strep. What am I doing? Why, what else, than chopping + logic with the beams of your house? + + [Sets the house on fire] + + 2nd Dis. (from within) You will destroy us! You will + destroy us! + + Strep. For I also wish this very thing; unless my + mattock deceive my hopes, or I should somehow fall first + and break my neck. + + Soc. (from within). Hollo you! What are you doing, pray, + you fellow on the roof? + + Strep. I am walking on air, and speculating about the + sun. + + Soc. Ah me, unhappy! I shall be suffocated, wretched + man! + + Chaer. And I, miserable man, shall be burnt to death! + + Strep. For what has come into your heads that you acted + insolently toward the gods, and pried into the seat of + the moon? Chase, pelt, smite them, for many reasons, but + especially because you know that they offended against + the gods! + + [The thinking shop is burned down] + + Cho. Lead the way out; for we have sufficiently acted as + chorus for today. +</pre> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + [Exeunt omnes] +</pre> + <p> + <br /><br /><br /><br /> + </p> +<pre xml:space="preserve"> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Clouds, by Aristophanes + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CLOUDS *** + +***** This file should be named 2562-h.htm or 2562-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/5/6/2562/ + +Produced by An Anonymous Volunteer, and David Widger + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Clouds + +Author: Aristophanes + +Translator: William James Hickie + +Posting Date: December 11, 2008 [EBook #2562] +Release Date: March, 2001 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CLOUDS *** + + + + +Produced by An Anonymous Volunteer + + + + + +THE CLOUDS + +By Aristophanes + + +Trans. William James Hickie + + + + * All Greek from the original edition has been + transliterated into Roman characters. + + + + +DRAMATIS PERSONAE + + Strepsiades + Phidippides + Servant of Strepsiades + Disciples of Socrates + Socrates + Chorus of Clouds + Just Cause + Unjust Cause + Pasias + Amynias + Witness + Chaerephon + + + Scene: The interior of a sleeping-apartment: + Strepsiades, Phidippides, and two servants are in their + beds; a small house is seen at a distance. Time: + midnight. + + Strepsiades (sitting up in his bed). Ah me! Ah me! O + King Jupiter, of what a terrible length the nights are! + Will it never be day? And yet long since I heard the + cock. My domestics are snoring; but they would not have + done so heretofore! May you perish then, O war! For many + reasons; because I may not even punish my domestics. + Neither does this excellent youth awake through the + night; but takes his ease, wrapped up in five blankets. + Well, if it is the fashion, let us snore wrapped up. + + + [Lies down, and then almost immediately starts up + again.] + + But I am not able, miserable man, to sleep, being + tormented by my expenses, and my stud of horses, and my + debts, through this son of mine. He with his long hair, + is riding horses and driving curricles, and dreaming of + horses; while I am driven to distraction, as I see the + moon bringing on the twentieths; for the interest is + running on. Boy! Light a lamp, and bring forth my + tablets, that I may take them and read to how many I am + indebted, and calculate the interest. + + [Enter boy with a light and tablets.] + + Come, let me see; what do I owe? Twelve minae to + Pasias. Why twelve minae to Pasias? Why did I borrow + them? When I bought the blood-horse. Ah me, unhappy! + Would that it had had its eye knocked out with a stone + first! + + Phidippides (talking in his sleep). You are acting + unfairly, Philo! Drive on your own course. + + Strep. This is the bane that has destroyed me; for even + in his sleep he dreams about horsemanship. + + Phid. How many courses will the war-chariots run? + + Strep. Many courses do you drive me, your father. But + what debt came upon me after Pasias? Three minae to + Amynias for a little chariot and pair of wheels. + + Phid. Lead the horse home, after having given him a good + rolling. + + Strep. O foolish youth, you have rolled me out of my + possessions; since I have been cast in suits, and others + say that they will have surety given them for the + interest. + + Phid. (awakening) Pray, father, why are you peevish, and + toss about the whole night? + + Strep. A bailiff out of the bedclothes is biting + me. + + Phid. Suffer me, good sir, to sleep a little. + + Strep. Then, do you sleep on; but know that all these + debts will turn on your head. + + [Phidippides falls asleep again.] + + Alas! Would that the match-maker had perished miserably, + who induced me to marry your mother. For a country life + used to be most agreeable to me, dirty, untrimmed, + reclining at random, abounding in bees, and sheep, and + oil-cake. Then I, a rustic, married a niece of Megacles, + the son of Megacles, from the city, haughty, luxurious, + and Coesyrafied. When I married her, I lay with her + redolent of new wine, of the cheese-crate, and abundance + of wool; but she, on the contrary, of ointment, saffron, + wanton-kisses, extravagance, gluttony, and of Colias and + Genetyllis. I will not indeed say that she was idle; + but she wove. And I used to show her this cloak by way + of a pretext and say "Wife, you weave at a great + rate." + + Servant re-enters. + + Servant. We have no oil in the lamp. + + Strep. Ah me! Why did you light the thirsty lamp? Come + hither that you may weep! + + Ser. For what, pray, shall I weep? + + Strep. Because you put in one of the thick wicks. + + [Servant runs out] + + After this, when this son was born to us, to me, + forsooth, and to my excellent wife, we squabbled then + about the name: for she was for adding hippos to the + name, Xanthippus, or Charippus, or Callipides; but I was + for giving him the name of his grandfather, Phidonides. + For a time therefore we disputed; and then at length we + agreed, and called him Phidippides. She used to take + this son and fondle him, saying, "When you, being grown + up, shall drive your chariot to the city, like Megacles, + with a xystis." But I used to say, "Nay, rather, when + dressed in a leathern jerkin, you shall drive goats from + Phelleus, like your father." He paid no attention to my + words, but poured a horse-fever over my property. Now, + therefore, by meditating the whole night, I have + discovered one path for my course extraordinarily + excellent; to which if I persuade this youth I shall be + saved. But first I wish to awake him. How then can I + awake him in the most agreeable manner? How? + Phidippides, my little Phidippides? + + Phid. What, father? + + Strep. Kiss me, and give me your right hand! + + Phid. There. What's the matter? + + Strep. Tell me, do you love me? + + Phid. Yes, by this Equestrian Neptune. + + Strep. Nay, do not by any means mention this Equestrian + to me, for this god is the author of my misfortunes. + But, if you really love me from your heart, my son, obey + me. + + Phid. In what then, pray, shall I obey you? + + Strep. Reform your habits as quickly as possible, and go + and learn what I advise. + + Phid. Tell me now, what do you prescribe? + + Strep. And will you obey me at all? + + Phid. By Bacchus, I will obey you. + + Strep. Look this way then! Do you see this little door + and little house? + + Phid. I see it. What then, pray, is this, father? + + Strep. This is a thinking-shop of wise spirits. There + dwell men who in speaking of the heavens persuade people + that it is an oven, and that it encompasses us, and that + we are the embers. These men teach, if one give them + money, to conquer in speaking, right or wrong. + + Phid. Who are they? + + Strep. I do not know the name accurately. They are + minute philosophers, noble and excellent. + + Phid. Bah! They are rogues; I know them. You mean the + quacks, the pale-faced wretches, the bare-footed + fellows, of whose numbers are the miserable Socrates and + Chaerephon. + + Strep. Hold! Hold! Be silent! Do not say anything + foolish. But, if you have any concern for your father's + patrimony, become one of them, having given up your + horsemanship. + + Phid. I would not, by Bacchus, even if you were to give + me the pheasants which Leogoras rears! + + Strep. Go, I entreat you, dearest of men, go and be + taught. + + Phid. Why, what shall I learn? + + Strep. They say that among them are both the two + causes--the better cause, whichever that is, and the + worse: they say that the one of these two causes, the + worse, prevails, though it speaks on the unjust side. + If, therefore you learn for me this unjust cause, I + would not pay any one, not even an obolus of these + debts, which I owe at present on your account. + + Phid. I can not comply; for I should not dare to look + upon the knights, having lost all my colour. + + Strep. Then, by Ceres, you shall not eat any of my + good! Neither you, nor your blood-horse; but I will + drive you out of my house to the crows. + + Phid. My uncle Megacles will not permit me to be without + a horse. But I'll go in, and pay no heed to you. + + [Exit Phidippides.] + + Strep. Though fallen, still I will not lie prostrate: + but having prayed to the gods, I will go myself to the + thinking-shop and get taught. How, then, being an old + man, shall I learn the subtleties of refined + disquisitions? I must go. Why thus do I loiter and not + knock at the door? + + [Knocks at the door.] + + Boy! Little boy! + + Disciple (from within). Go to the devil! Who it is that + knocked at the door? + + Strep. Strepsiades, the son of Phidon, of Cicynna. + + Dis. You are a stupid fellow, by Jove! who have kicked + against the door so very carelessly, and have caused the + miscarriage of an idea which I had conceived. + + Strep. Pardon me; for I dwell afar in the country. But + tell me the thing which has been made to miscarry. + + Dis. It is not lawful to mention it, except to + disciples. + + Strep. Tell it, then, to me without fear; for I here am + come as a disciple to the thinking-shop. + + Dis. I will tell you; but you must regard these as + mysteries. Socrates lately asked Chaerephon about a + flea, how many of its own feet it jumped; for after + having bit the eyebrow of Chaerephon, it leaped away + onto the head of Socrates. + + Strep. How then did he measure this? + + Dis. Most cleverly. He melted some wax; and then took + the flea and dipped its feet in the wax; and then a pair + of Persian slippers stuck to it when cooled. Having + gently loosened these, he measured back the distance. + + Strep. O King Jupiter! What subtlety of thought! + + Dis. What then would you say if you heard another + contrivance of Socrates? + + Strep. Of what kind? Tell me, I beseech you! + + Dis. Chaerephon the Sphettian asked him whether he + thought gnats buzzed through the mouth or the breech. + + Strep. What, then, did he say about the gnat? + + Dis. He said the intestine of the gnat was narrow and + that the wind went forcibly through it, being slender, + straight to the breech; and then that the rump, being + hollow where it is adjacent to the narrow part, + resounded through the violence of the wind. + + Strep. The rump of the gnats then is a trumpet! Oh, + thrice happy he for his sharp-sightedness! Surely a + defendant might easily get acquitted who understands the + intestine of the gnat. + + Dis. But he was lately deprived of a great idea by a + lizard. + + Strep. In what way? Tell me. + + Dis. As he was investigating the courses of the moon and + her revolutions, then as he was gaping upward a lizard + in the darkness dropped upon him from the roof. + + Strep. I am amused at a lizard's having dropped on + Socrates. + + Dis. Yesterday evening there was no supper for us. + + Strep. Well. What then did he contrive for provisions? + + Dis. He sprinkled fine ashes on the table, and bent a + little spit, and then took it as a pair of compasses and + filched a cloak from the Palaestra. + + Strep. Why then do we admire Thales? Open open quickly + the thinking-shop, and show to me Socrates as quickly as + possible. For I desire to be a disciple. Come, open the + door. + + [The door of the thinking-shop opens and the pupils of + Socrates are seen all with their heads fixed on the + ground, while Socrates himself is seen suspended in the + air in a basket.] + + O Hercules, from what country are these wild beasts? + + Dis. What do you wonder at? To what do they seem to you + to be like? + + Strep. To the Spartans who were taken at Pylos. But why + in the world do these look upon the ground? + + Dis. They are in search of the things below the earth. + + Strep. Then they are searching for roots. Do not, then, + trouble yourselves about this; for I know where there + are large and fine ones. Why, what are these doing, who + are bent down so much? + + Dis. These are groping about in darkness under Tartarus. + + Strep. Why then does their rump look toward heaven? + + Dis. It is getting taught astronomy alone by itself. + + [Turning to the pupils.] + + But go in, lest he meet with us. + + Strep. Not yet, not yet; but let them remain, that I may + communicate to them a little matter of my own. + + Dis. It is not permitted to them to remain without in + the open air for a very long time. + + [The pupils retire.] + + Strep. (discovering a variety of mathematical + instruments) Why, what is this, in the name of heaven? + Tell me. + + Dis. This is Astronomy. + + Strep. But what is this? + + Dis. Geometry. + + Strep. What then is the use of this? + + Dis. To measure out the land. + + Strep. What belongs to an allotment? + + Dis. No, but the whole earth. + + Strep. You tell me a clever notion; for the contrivance + is democratic and useful. + + Dis. (pointing to a map) See, here's a map of the whole + earth. Do you see? This is Athens. + + Strep. What say you? I don't believe you; for I do not + see the Dicasts sitting. + + Dis. Be assured that this is truly the Attic territory. + + Strep. Why, where are my fellow-tribesmen of Cicynna? + + Dis. Here they are. And Euboea here, as you see, is + stretched out a long way by the side of it to a great + distance. + + Strep. I know that; for it was stretched by us and + Pericles. But where is Lacedaemon? + + Dis. Where is it? Here it is. + + Strep. How near it is to us! Pay great attention to + this, to remove it very far from us. + + Dis. By Jupiter, it is not possible. + + Strep. Then you will weep for it. + + [Looking up and discovering Socrates.] + + Come, who is this man who is in the basket? + + Dis. Himself. + + Strep. Who's "Himself"? + + Dis. Socrates. + + Strep. O Socrates! Come, you sir, call upon him loudly + for me. + + Dis. Nay, rather, call him yourself; for I have no + leisure. + + [Exit Disciple.] + + Strep. Socrates! My little Socrates! + + Socrates. Why callest thou me, thou creature of a day? + + Strep. First tell me, I beseech you, what are you doing. + + Soc. I am walking in the air, and speculating about the + sun. + + Strep. And so you look down upon the gods from your + basket, and not from the earth? + + Soc. For I should not have rightly discovered things + celestial if I had not suspended the intellect, and + mixed the thought in a subtle form with its kindred air. + But if, being on the ground, I speculated from below on + things above, I should never have discovered them. For + the earth forcibly attracts to itself the meditative + moisture. Water-cresses also suffer the very same thing. + + Strep. What do you say? Does meditation attract the + moisture to the water-cresses? Come then, my little + Socrates, descend to me, that you may teach me those + things, for the sake of which I have come. + + [Socrates lowers himself and gets out of the basket.] + + Soc. And for what did you come? + + Strep. Wishing to learn to speak; for by reason of + usury, and most ill-natured creditors, I am pillaged and + plundered, and have my goods seized for debt. + + Soc. How did you get in debt without observing it? + + Strep. A horse-disease consumed me--terrible at eating. + But teach me the other one of your two causes, that + which pays nothing; and I will swear by the gods, I will + pay down to you whatever reward you exact of me. + + Soc. By what gods will you swear? For, in the first + place, gods are not a current coin with us. + + Strep. By what do you swear? By iron money, as in + Byzantium? + + Soc. Do you wish to know clearly celestial matters, what + they rightly are? + + Strep. Yes, by Jupiter, if it be possible! + + Soc. And to hold converse with the Clouds, our + divinities? + + Strep. By all means. + + Soc. (with great solemnity). Seat yourself, then, upon + the sacred couch. + + Strep. Well, I am seated! + + Soc. Take, then, this chaplet. + + Strep. For what purpose a chaplet? Ah me! Socrates, see + that you do not sacrifice me like Athamas! + + Strep. No; we do all these to those who get initiated. + + Strep. Then what shall I gain, pray? + + Soc. You shall become in oratory a tricky knave, a + thorough rattle, a subtle speaker. But keep quiet. + + Strep. By Jupiter! You will not deceive me; for if I am + besprinkled, I shall become fine flour. + + Soc. It becomes the old man to speak words of good omen, + and to hearken to my prayer. O sovereign King, + immeasurable Air, who keepest the earth suspended, and + through bright Aether, and ye august goddesses, the + Clouds, sending thunder and lightning, arise, appear in + the air, O mistresses, to your deep thinker! + + Strep. Not yet, not yet, till I wrap this around me lest + I be wet through. To think of my having come from home + without even a cap, unlucky man! + + Soc. Come then, ye highly honoured Clouds, for a display + to this man. Whether ye are sitting upon the sacred + snow-covered summits of Olympus, or in the gardens of + Father Ocean form a sacred dance with the Nymphs, or + draw in golden pitchers the streams of the waters of the + Nile, or inhabit the Maeotic lake, or the snowy rock of + Mimas, hearken to our prayer, and receive the sacrifice, + and be propitious to the sacred rites. + + [The following song is heard at a distance, accompanied + by loud claps of thunder.] + + Chorus. Eternal Clouds! Let us arise to view with our + dewy, clear-bright nature, from loud-sounding Father + Ocean to the wood-crowned summits of the lofty + mountains, in order that we may behold clearly the + far-seen watch-towers, and the fruits, and the + fostering, sacred earth, and the rushing sounds of the + divine rivers, and the roaring, loud-sounding sea; for + the unwearied eye of Aether sparkles with glittering + rays. Come, let us shake off the watery cloud from our + immortal forms and survey the earth with far-seeing eye. + + Soc. O ye greatly venerable Clouds, ye have clearly + heard me when I called. + + [Turning to Strepsiades.] + + Did you hear the voice, and the thunder which bellowed + at the same time, feared as a god? + + Strep. I too worship you, O ye highly honoured, and am + inclined to reply to the thundering, so much do I + tremble at them and am alarmed. And whether it be + lawful, or be not lawful, I have a desire just now to + ease myself. + + Soc. Don't scoff, nor do what these poor-devil-poets do, + but use words of good omen, for a great swarm of + goddesses is in motion with their songs. + + Cho. Ye rain-bringing virgins, let us come to the + fruitful land of Pallas, to view the much-loved country + of Cecrops, abounding in brave men; where is reverence + for sacred rites not to be divulged; where the house + that receives the initiated is thrown open in holy + mystic rites; and gifts to the celestial gods; and + high-roofed temples, and statues; and most sacred + processions in honour of the blessed gods; and + well-crowned sacrifices to the gods, and feasts, at all + seasons; and with the approach of spring the Bacchic + festivity, and the rousings of melodious choruses, and + the loud-sounding music of flutes. + + Strep. Tell me, O Socrates, I beseech you, by Jupiter, + who are these that have uttered this grand song? Are + they some heroines? + + Soc. By no means; but heavenly Clouds, great divinities + to idle men; who supply us with thought and argument, + and intelligence and humbug, and circumlocution, and + ability to hoax, and comprehension. + + Strep. On this account therefore my soul, having heard + their voice, flutters, and already seeks to discourse + subtilely, and to quibble about smoke, and having + pricked a maxim with a little notion, to refute the + opposite argument. So that now I eagerly desire, if by + any means it be possible, to see them palpably. + + Soc. Look, then, hither, toward Mount Parnes; for now I + behold them descending gently. + + Strep. Pray where? Show me. + + Soc. See! There they come in great numbers through the + hollows and thickets; there, obliquely. + + Strep. What's the matter? For I can't see them. + + Soc. By the entrance. + + [Enter Chorus] + + Strep. Now at length with difficulty I just see them. + + Soc. Now at length you assuredly see them, unless you + have your eyes running pumpkins. + + Strep. Yes, by Jupiter! O highly honoured Clouds, for + now they cover all things. + + Soc. Did you not, however, know, nor yet consider, these + to be goddesses? + + Strep. No, by Jupiter! But I thought them to be mist, + and dew, and smoke. + + Soc. For you do not know, by Jupiter! that these feed + very many sophists, Thurian soothsayers, practisers of + medicine, lazy-long-haired-onyx-ring-wearers, + song-twisters for the cyclic dances, and meteorological + quacks. They feed idle people who do nothing, because + such men celebrate them in verse. + + Strep. For this reason, then, they introduced into their + verses "the dreadful impetuosity of the moist, + whirling-bright clouds"; and the "curls of + hundred-headed Typho"; and the "hard-blowing tempests"; + and then "aerial, moist"; "crooked-clawed birds, + floating in air"; and "the showers of rain from dewy + Clouds". And then, in return for these, they swallow + "slices of great, fine mullets, and bird's-flesh of + thrushes." + + Soc. Is it not just, however, that they should have + their reward, on account of these? + + Strep. Tell me, pray, if they are really clouds, what + ails them, that they resemble mortal women? For they are + not such. + + Soc. Pray, of what nature are they? + + Strep. I do not clearly know: at any rate they resemble + spread-out fleeces, and not women, by Jupiter! Not a + bit; for these have noses. + + Soc. Answer, then, whatever I ask you. + + Strep. Then say quickly what you wish. + + Soc. Have you ever, when you; looked up, seen a cloud + like to a centaur, or a panther, or a wolf, or a bull? + + Strep. By Jupiter, have I! But what of that? + + Soc. They become all things, whatever they please. And + then if they see a person with long hair, a wild one of + these hairy fellows, like the son of Xenophantes, in + derision of his folly, they liken themselves to + centaurs. + + Strep. Why, what, if they should see Simon, a plunderer + of the public property, what do they do? + + Soc. They suddenly become wolves, showing up his + disposition. + + Strep. For this reason, then, for this reason, when they + yesterday saw Cleonymus the recreant, on this account + they became stags, because they saw this most cowardly + fellow. + + Soc. And now too, because they saw Clisthenes, you + observe, on this account they became women. + + Strep. Hail therefore, O mistresses! And now, if ever ye + did to any other, to me also utter a voice reaching to + heaven, O all-powerful queens. + + Cho. Hail, O ancient veteran, hunter after learned + speeches! And thou, O priest of most subtle trifles! + Tell us what you require? For we would not hearken to + any other of the recent meteorological sophists, except + to Prodicus; to him, on account of his wisdom and + intelligence; and to you, because you walk proudly in + the streets, and cast your eyes askance, and endure many + hardships with bare feet, and in reliance upon us + lookest supercilious. + + Strep. O Earth, what a voice! How holy and dignified and + wondrous! + + Soc. For, in fact, these alone are goddesses; and all + the rest is nonsense. + + Strep. But come, by the Earth, is not Jupiter, the + Olympian, a god? + + Soc. What Jupiter? Do not trifle. There is no Jupiter. + + Strep. What do you say? Who rains then? For first of all + explain this to me. + + Soc. These to be sure. I will teach you it by powerful + evidence. Come, where have you ever seen him raining at + any time without Clouds? And yet he ought to rain in + fine weather, and these be absent. + + Strep. By Apollo, of a truth you have rightly confirmed + this by your present argument. And yet, before this, I + really thought that Jupiter caused the rain. But tell me + who is it that thunders. This makes me tremble. + + Soc. These, as they roll, thunder. + + Strep. In what way? you all-daring man! + + Soc. When they are full of much water, and are compelled + to be borne along, being necessarily precipitated when + full of rain, then they fall heavily upon each other and + burst and clap. + + Strep. Who is it that compels them to borne along? Is it + not Jupiter? + + Soc. By no means, but aethereal Vortex. + + Strep. Vortex? It had escaped my notice that Jupiter did + not exist, and that Vortex now reigned in his stead. But + you have taught me nothing as yet concerning the clap + and the thunder. + + Soc. Have you not heard me, that I said that the Clouds, + when full of moisture, dash against each other and clap + by reason of their density? + + Strep. Come, how am I to believe this? + + Soc. I'll teach you from your own case. Were you ever, + after being stuffed with broth at the Panathenaic + festival, then disturbed in your belly, and did a + tumult suddenly rumble through it? + + Strep. Yes, by Apollo! And immediately the little broth + plays the mischief with me, and is disturbed and rumbles + like thunder, and grumbles dreadfully: at first gently + pappax, pappax; and then it adds papa-pappax; and + finally, it thunders downright papapappax, as they do. + + Soc. Consider, therefore, how you have trumpeted from a + little belly so small; and how is it not probable that + this air, being boundless, should thunder so loudly? + + Strep. For this reason, therefore, the two names also + Trump and Thunder, are similar to each other. But teach + me this, whence comes the thunderbolt blazing with fire, + and burns us to ashes when it smites us, and singes + those who survive. For indeed Jupiter evidently hurls + this at the perjured. + + Soc. Why, how then, you foolish person, and savouring of + the dark ages and antediluvian, if his manner is to + smite the perjured, does he not blast Simon, and + Cleonymus, and Theorus? And yet they are very perjured. + But he smites his own temple, and Sunium the promontory + of Athens, and the tall oaks. Wherefore, for indeed an + oak does not commit perjury. + + Strep. I do not know; but you seem to speak well. For + what, pray, is the thunderbolt? + + Soc. When a dry wind, having been raised aloft, is + inclosed in these Clouds, it inflates them within, like + a bladder; and then, of necessity, having burst them, it + rushes out with vehemence by reason of its density, + setting fire to itself through its rushing and + impetuosity. + + Strep. By Jupiter, of a truth I once experienced this + exactly at the Diasian festival! I was roasting a + haggis for my kinsfolk, and through neglect I did not + cut it open; but it became inflated and then suddenly + bursting, befouled my eyes and burned my face. + + Cho. O mortal, who hast desired great wisdom from us! + How happy will you become among the Athenians and among + the Greeks, if you be possessed of a good memory, and be + a deep thinker, and endurance of labour be implanted in + your soul, and you be not wearied either by standing or + walking, nor be exceedingly vexed at shivering with + cold, nor long to break your fast, and you refrain from + wine, and gymnastics, and the other follies, and + consider this the highest excellence, as is proper a + clever man should, to conquer by action and counsel, and + by battling with your tongue. + + Strep. As far as regards a sturdy spirit, and care that + makes one's bed uneasy, and a frugal spirit and + hard-living and savory-eating belly, be of good courage + and don't trouble yourself; I would offer myself to + hammer on, for that matter. + + Soc. Will you not, pray, now believe in no god, except + what we believe in--this Chaos, and the Clouds, and the + Tongue--these three? + + Strep. Absolutely I would not even converse with the + others, not even if I met them; nor would I sacrifice to + them, nor make libations, nor offer frankincense. + + Cho. Tell us then boldly, what we must do for you? For + you shall not fail in getting it, if you honour and + admire us, and seek to become clever. + + Strep. O mistresses, I request of you then this very + small favour, that I be the best of the Greeks in + speaking by a hundred stadia. + + Cho. Well, you shall have this from us, so that + hence-forward from this time no one shall get more + opinions passed in the public assemblies than you. + + Strep. Grant me not to deliver important opinions; for I + do not desire these, but only to pervert the right for + my own advantage, and to evade my creditors. + + Cho. Then you shall obtain what you desire; for you do + not covet great things. But commit yourself without fear + to our ministers. + + Strep. I will do so in reliance upon you, for necessity + oppresses me, on account of the blood-horses, and the + marriage that ruined me. Now, therefore, let them use me + as they please. I give up this body to them to be + beaten, to be hungered, to be troubled with thirst, to + be squalid, to shiver with cold, to flay into a leathern + bottle, if I shall escape clear from my debts, and + appear to men to be bold, glib of tongue, audacious, + impudent, shameless, a fabricator of falsehoods, + inventive of words, a practiced knave in lawsuits, a + law-tablet, a thorough rattle, a fox, a sharper, a + slippery knave, a dissembler, a slippery fellow, an + impostor, a gallows-bird, a blackguard, a twister, a + troublesome fellow, a licker-up of hashes. If they call + me this, when they meet me, let them do to me absolutely + what they please. And if they like, by Ceres, let them + serve up a sausage out of me to the deep thinkers. + + Cho. This man has a spirit not void of courage, but + prompt. Know, that if you learn these matters from me, + you will possess among mortals a glory as high as + heaven. + + Strep. What shall I experience? + + Cho. You shall pass with me the most enviable of mortal + lives the whole time. + + Strep. Shall I then ever see this? + + Cho. Yea, so that many be always seated at your gates, + wishing to communicate with you and come to a conference + with you, to consult with you as to actions and + affidavits of many talents, as is worthy of your + abilities. + + [To Socrates.] + + But attempt to teach the old man by degrees whatever you + purpose, and scrutinize his intellect, and make trial of + his mind. + + Soc. Come now, tell me your own turn of mind; in order + that, when I know of what sort it is, I may now, after + this, apply to you new engines. + + Strep. What? By the gods, do you purpose to besiege me? + + Soc. No; I wish to briefly learn from you if you are + possessed of a good memory. + + Strep. In two ways, by Jove! If anything be owing to me, + I have a very good memory; but if I owe unhappy man, I + am very forgetful. + + Soc. Is the power of speaking, pray, implanted in your + nature? + + Strep. Speaking is not in me, but cheating is. + + Soc. How, then, will you be able to learn? + + Strep. Excellently, of course. + + Soc. Come, then, take care that, whenever I propound any + clever dogma about abstruse matters, you catch it up + immediately. + + Strep. What then? Am I to feed upon wisdom like a dog? + + Soc. This man is ignorant and brutish--I fear, old man, + lest you will need blows. Come, let me see; what do you + do if any one beat you? + + Strep. I take the beating; and then, when I have waited + a little while, I call witnesses to prove it; then + again, after a short interval, I go to law. + + Soc. Come, then, lay down your cloak. + + Strep. Have I done any wrong? + + Soc. No; but it is the rule to enter naked. + + Strep. But I do not enter to search for stolen goods. + + Soc. Lay it down. Why do you talk nonsense? + + Strep. Now tell me this, pray. If I be diligent and + learn zealously, to which of your disciples shall I + become like? + + Soc. You will no way differ from Chaerephon in + intellect. + + Strep. Ah me, unhappy! I shall become half-dead. + + Soc. Don't chatter; but quickly follow me hither with + smartness. + + Strep. Then give me first into my hands a honeyed cake; + for I am afraid of descending within, as if into the + cave of Trophonius. + + Soc. Proceed; why do you keep poking about the door? + + [Exeunt Socrates and Strepsiades] + + Cho. Well, go in peace, for the sake of this your + valour. May prosperity attend the man, because, being + advanced into the vale of years, he imbues his intellect + with modern subjects, and cultivates wisdom! + + [Turning to the audience.] + + Spectators, I will freely declare to you the truth, by + Bacchus, who nurtured me! So may I conquer, and be + accounted skillful, as that, deeming you to be clever + spectators, and this to be the cleverest of my comedies, + I thought proper to let you first taste that comedy, + which gave me the greatest labour. And then I retired + from the contest defeated by vulgar fellows, though I + did not deserve it. These things, therefore, I object to + you, a learned audience, for whose sake I was expending + this labour. But not even thus will I ever willingly + desert the discerning portion of you. For since what + time my Modest Man and my Rake were very highly praised + here by an audience, with whom it is a pleasure even to + hold converse, and I (for I was still a virgin, and it + was not lawful for me as yet to have children) exposed + my offspring, and another girl took it up, and owned it, + and you generously reared and educated it, from this + time I have had sure pledges of your good will toward + me. Now, therefore, like that well-known Electra, has + this comedy come seeking, if haply it meet with an + audience so clever, for it will recognize, if it should + see, the lock of its brother. But see how modest she is + by nature, who, in the first place, has come, having + stitched to her no leathern phallus hanging down, red at + the top, and thick, to set the boys a laughing; nor yet + jeered the bald-headed, nor danced the cordax; nor does + the old man who speaks the verses beat the person near + him with his staff, keeping out of sight wretched + ribaldry; nor has she rushed in with torches, nor does + she shout iou, iou; but has come relying on herself and + her verses. And I, although so excellent a poet, do not + give myself airs, nor do I seek to deceive you by twice + and thrice bringing forward the same pieces; but I am + always clever at introducing new fashions, not at all + resembling each other, and all of them clever; who + struck Cleon in the belly when at the height of his + power, and could not bear to attack him afterward when + he was down. But these scribblers, when once Hyperbolus + has given them a handle, keep ever trampling on this + wretched man and his mother. Eupolis, indeed, first of + all craftily introduced his Maricas, having basely, base + fellow, spoiled by altering my play of the Knights, + having added to it, for the sake of the cordax, a + drunken old woman, whom Phrynichus long ago poetized, + whom the whale was for devouring. Then again Hermippus + made verses on Hyperbolus; and now all others press hard + upon Hyperbolus, imitating my simile of the eels. + Whoever, therefore, laughs at these, let him not take + pleasure in my attempts; but if you are delighted with + me and my inventions, in times to come you will seem to + be wise. + + + + I first invoke, to join our choral band, the mighty + Jupiter, ruling on high, the monarch of gods; and the + potent master of the trident, the fierce upheaver of + earth and briny sea; and our father of great renown, + most august Aether, life-supporter of all; and the + horse-guider, who fills the plain of the earth with + exceeding bright beams, a mighty deity among gods and + mortals. + + + + Most clever spectators, come, give us your attention; + for having been injured, we blame you to your faces. For + though we benefit the state most of all the gods, to us + alone of the deities you do not offer sacrifice nor yet + pour libations, who watch over you. For if there should + be any expedition without prudence, then we either + thunder or drizzle small rain. And then, when you were + for choosing as your general the Paphlagonian tanner, + hateful to the gods, we contracted our brows and were + enraged; and thunder burst through the lightning; and + the Moon forsook her usual paths; and the Sun + immediately drew in his wick to himself, and declared he + would not give you light, if Cleon should be your + general. Nevertheless you chose him. For they say that + ill counsel is in this city; that the gods, however, + turn all these your mismanagements to a prosperous + issue. And how this also shall be advantageous, we will + easily teach you. If you should convict the cormorant + Cleon of bribery and embezzlement, and then make fast + his neck in the stocks, the affair will turn out for the + state to the ancient form again, if you have mismanaged + in any way, and to a prosperous issue. + + + Hear me again, King Phoebus, Delian Apollo, who + inhabitest the high-peaked Cynthian rock! And thou, + blessed goddess, who inhabitest the all-golden house of + Ephesus, in which Lydian damsels greatly reverence + thee; and thou, our national goddess, swayer of the + aegis, Minerva, guardian of the city! And thou, reveler + Bacchus, who, inhabiting the Parnassian rock, sparklest + with torches, conspicuous among the Delphic Bacchanals! + + + When we had got ready to set out hither, the Moon met + us, and commanded us first to greet the Athenians and + their allies; and then declared that she was angry, for + that she had suffered dreadful things, though she + benefits you all, not in words, but openly. In the first + place, not less than a drachma every month for torches; + so that also all, when they went out of an evening, were + wont to say, "Boy, don't buy a torch, for the moonlight + is beautiful." And she says she confers other benefits + on you, but that you do not observe the days at all + correctly, but confuse them up and down; so that she + says the gods are constantly threatening her, when they + are defrauded of their dinner, and depart home, not + having met with the regular feast according to the + number of the days. And then, when you ought to be + sacrificing, you are inflicting tortures and litigating. + And often, while we gods are observing a fast, when we + mourn for Memnon or Sarpedon, you are pouring libations + and laughing. For which reason Hyperbolus, having + obtained the lot this year to be Hieromnemon, was + afterward deprived by us gods of his crown; for thus he + will know better that he ought to spend the days of his + life according to the Moon. + + [Enter Socrates] + + Soc. By Respiration, and Chaos, and Air, I have not seen + any man so boorish, nor so impracticable, nor so stupid, + nor so forgetful; who, while learning some little petty + quibbles, forgets them before he has learned them. + Nevertheless I will certainly call him out here to the + light. Where is Strepsiades? Come forth with your couch. + + Strep. (from within). The bugs do not permit me to bring + it forth. + + Soc. Make haste and lay it down; and give me your + attention. + + [Enter Strepsiades] + + Strep. Very well. + + Soc. Come now; what do you now wish to learn first of + those things in none of which you have ever been + instructed? Tell me. About measures, or rhythms, or + verses? + + Strep. I should prefer to learn about measures; for it + is but lately I was cheated out of two choenices by a + meal-huckster. + + Soc. I do not ask you this, but which you account the + most beautiful measure; the trimetre or the tetrameter? + + Strep. Make a wager then with me, if the semisextarius + be not a tetrameter. + + Soc. Go to the devil! How boorish you are and dull of + learning. Perhaps you may be able to learn about + rhythms. + + Strep. But what good will rhythms do me for a living? + + Soc. In the first place, to be clever at an + entertainment, understanding what rhythm is for the + war-dance, and what, again, according to the dactyle. + + Strep. According to the dactyle? By Jove, but I know it! + + Soc. Tell me, pray. + + Strep. What else but this finger? Formerly, indeed, when + I was yet a boy, this here! + + Soc. You are boorish and stupid. + + Strep. For I do not desire, you wretch, to learn any of + these things. + + Soc. What then? + + Strep. That, that, the most unjust cause. + + Soc. But you must learn other things before these; + namely, what quadrupeds are properly masculine. + + Strep. I know the males, if I am not mad-krios, tragos, + tauros, kuon, alektryon. + + Soc. Do you see what you are doing? You are calling both + the female and the male alektryon in the same way. + + Strep. How, pray? Come, tell me. + + Soc. How? The one with you is alektryon, and the other + is alektryon also. + + Strep. Yea, by Neptune! How now ought I to call them? + + Soc. The one alektryaina and the other alektor. + + Strep. Alektryaina? Capital, by the Air! So that, in + return for this lesson alone, I will fill your kardopos + full of barley-meal on all sides. + + Soc. See! See! There again is another blunder! You make + kardopos, which is feminine, to be masculine. + + Strep. In what way do I make kardopos masculine? + + Soc. Most assuredly; just as if you were to say + Cleonymos. + + Strep. Good sir, Cleonymus had no kneading-trough, but + kneaded his bread in a round mortar. How ought I to call + it henceforth? + + Soc. How? Call it kardope, as you call Sostrate. + + Strep. Kardope in the feminine? + + Soc. For so you speak it rightly. + + Strep. But that would make it kardope, Kleonyme. + + Soc. You must learn one thing more about names, what are + masculine and what of them are feminine. + + Strep. I know what are female. + + Soc. Tell me, pray. + + Strep. Lysilla, Philinna, Clitagora, Demetria. + + Soc. What names are masculine? + + Strep. Thousands; Philoxenus, Melesias, Amynias. + + Soc. But, you wretch! These are not masculine. + + Strep. Are they not males with you? + + Soc. By no means; for how would you call Amynias, if you + met him? + + Strep. How would I call? Thus: "Come hither, come hither + Amynia!" + + Soc. Do you see? You call Amynias a woman. + + Strep. Is it not then with justice, who does not serve + in the army? But why should I learn these things, that + we all know? + + Soc. It is no use, by Jupiter! Having reclined yourself + down here-- + + Strep. What must I do? + + Soc. Think out some of your own affairs. + + Strep. Not here, pray, I beseech you; but, if I must, + suffer me to excogitate these very things on the ground. + + Soc. There is no other way. + + [Exit Socrates.] + + Strep. Unfortunate man that I am! What a penalty shall I + this day pay to the bugs! + + Cho. Now meditate and examine closely; and roll yourself + about in every way, having wrapped yourself up; and + quickly, when you fall into a difficulty, spring to + another mental contrivance. But let delightful sleep be + absent from your eyes. + + Strep. Attatai! Attatai! + + Cho. What ails you? Why are you distressed? + + Strep. Wretched man, I am perishing! The Corinthians, + coming out from the bed, are biting me, and devouring my + sides, and drinking up my life-blood, and tearing away + my flesh, and digging through my vitals, and will + annihilate me. + + Cho. Do not now be very grievously distressed. + + Strep. Why, how, when my money is gone, my complexion + gone, my life gone, and my slipper gone? And furthermore + in addition to these evils, with singing the + night-watches, I am almost gone myself. + + [Re-enter Socrates] + + Soc. Ho you! What are you about? Are you not meditating? + + Strep. I? Yea, by Neptune! + + Soc. And what, pray, have you thought? + + Strep. Whether any bit of me will be left by the bugs. + + Soc. You will perish most wretchedly. + + Strep. But, my good friend, I have already perished. + + Soc. You must not give in, but must wrap yourself up; + for you have to discover a device for abstracting, and a + means of cheating. + + [Walks up and down while Strepsiades wraps himself up in + the blankets.] + + Strep. Ah me! Would, pray, some one would throw over me + a swindling contrivance from the sheep-skins. + + Soc. Come now; I will first see this fellow, what he is + about. Ho you! Are you asleep? + + Strep. No, by Apollo, I am not! + + Soc. Have you got anything? + + Strep. No; by Jupiter, certainly not! + + Soc. Nothing at all? + + Strep. Nothing, except what I have in my right hand. + + Soc. Will you not quickly cover yourself up and think of + something? + + Strep. About what? For do you tell me this, O Socrates! + + Soc. Do you, yourself, first find out and state what you + wish. + + Strep. You have heard a thousand times what I wish. + About the interest; so that I may pay no one. + + Soc. Come then, wrap yourself up, and having given your + mind play with subtilty, revolve your affairs by little + and little, rightly distinguishing and examining. + + Strep. Ah me, unhappy man! + + Soc. Keep quiet; and if you be puzzled in any one of + your conceptions, leave it and go; and then set your + mind in motion again, and lock it up. + + Strep. (in great glee). O dearest little Socrates! + + Soc. What, old man? + + Strep. I have got a device for cheating them of the + interest. + + Soc. Exhibit it. + + Strep. Now tell me this, pray; if I were to purchase a + Thessalian witch, and draw down the moon by night, and + then shut it up, as if it were a mirror, in a round + crest-case, and then carefully keep it-- + + Soc. What good, pray, would this do you? + + Strep. What? If the moon were to rise no longer + anywhere, I should not pay the interest. + + Soc. Why so, pray? + + Strep. Because the money is lent out by the month. + + Soc. Capital! But I will again propose to you another + clever question. If a suit of five talents should be + entered against you, tell me how you would obliterate + it. + + Strep. How? How? I do not know but I must seek. + + Soc. Do not then always revolve your thoughts about + yourself; but slack away your mind into the air, like a + cock-chafer tied with a thread by the foot. + + Strep. I have found a very clever method of getting rid + of my suit, so that you yourself would acknowledge it. + + Soc. Of what description? + + Strep. Have you ever seen this stone in the chemist's + shops, the beautiful and transparent one, from which + they kindle fire? + + Soc. Do you mean the burning-glass? + + Strep. I do. Come what would you say, pray, if I were to + take this, when the clerk was entering the suit, and + were to stand at a distance, in the direction of the + sun, thus, and melt out the letters of my suit? + + Soc. Cleverly done, by the Graces! + + Strep. Oh! How I am delighted, that a suit of five + talents has been cancelled! + + Soc. Come now, quickly seize upon this. + + Strep. What? + + Soc. How, when engaged in a lawsuit, you could overturn + the suit, when you were about to be cast, because you + had no witnesses. + + Strep. Most readily and easily. + + Soc. Tell me, pray. + + Strep. Well now, I'll tell you. If, while one suit was + still pending, before mine was called on, I were to run + away and hang myself. + + Soc. You talk nonsense. + + Strep. By the gods, would I! For no one will bring + action against me when I am dead. + + Soc. You talk nonsense. Begone; I can't teach you any + longer. + + Strep. Why so? Yea, by the gods, O Socrates! + + Soc. You straightaway forget whatever you learn. For + what now was the first thing you were taught? Tell me. + + Strep. Come, let me see: nay, what was the first? What + was the fist? Nay, what was the thing in which we knead + our flour? Ah me! What was it? + + Soc. Will you not pack off to the devil, you most + forgetful and most stupid old man? + + Strep. Ah me, what then, pray will become of me, + wretched man? For I shall be utterly undone, if I do not + learn to ply the tongue. Come, O ye Clouds, give me some + good advice. + + Cho. We, old man, advise you, if you have a son grown + up, to send him to learn in your stead. + + Strep. Well, I have a fine, handsome son, but he is not + willing to learn. What must I do? + + Cho. But do you permit him? + + Strep. Yes, for he is robust in body, and in good + health, and is come of the high-plumed dames of Coesyra. + I will go for him, and if he be not willing, I will + certainly drive him from my house. + + [To Socrates.] + + Go in and wait for me a short time. + + [Exit] + + Cho. Do you perceive that you are soon to obtain the + greatest benefits through us alone of the gods? For this + man is ready to do everything that you bid him. But you, + while the man is astounded and evidently elated, having + perceived it, will quickly fleece him to the best of + your power. + + [Exit Socrates] + + For matters of this sort are somehow accustomed to turn + the other way. + + [Enter Strepsiades and Phidippides] + + Strep. By Mist, you certainly shall not stay here any + longer! But go and gnaw the columns of Megacles. + + Phid. My good sir, what is the matter with you, O + father? You are not in your senses, by Olympian Jupiter! + + Strep. See, see, "Olympian Jupiter!" What folly! To + think of your believing in Jupiter, as old as you are! + + Phid. Why, pray, did you laugh at this? + + Strep. Reflecting that you are a child, and have + antiquated notions. Yet, however, approach, that you may + know more; and I will tell you a thing, by learning + which you will be a man. But see that you do not teach + this to any one. + + Phid. Well, what is it? + + Strep. You swore now by Jupiter. + + Phid. I did. + + Strep. Seest thou, then, how good a thing is learning? + There is no Jupiter, O Phidippides! + + Phid. Who then? + + Strep. Vortex reigns, having expelled Jupiter. + + Phid. Bah! Why do you talk foolishly? + + Strep. Be assured that it is so. + + Phid. Who says this? + + Strep. Socrates the Melian, and Chaerephon, who knows + the footmarks of fleas. + + Phid. Have you arrived at such a pitch of frenzy that + you believe madmen? + + Strep. Speak words of good omen, and say nothing bad of + clever men and wise; of whom, through frugality, none + ever shaved or anointed himself, or went to a bath to + wash himself; while you squander my property in bathing, + as if I were already dead. But go as quickly as possible + and learn instead of me. + + Phid. What good could any one learn from them? + + Strep. What, really? Whatever wisdom there is among men. + And you will know yourself, how ignorant and stupid you + are. But wait for me here a short time. + + [Runs off] + + Phid. Ah me! What shall I do, my father being crazed? + Shall I bring him into court and convict him of lunacy, + or shall I give information of his madness to the + coffin-makers? + + [Re-enter Strepsiades with a cock under one arm and a + hen under the other] + + Strep. Come, let me see; what do you consider this to + be? Tell me. + + Phid. Alectryon. + + Strep. Right. And what this? + + Phid. Alectryon. + + Strep. Both the same? You are very ridiculous. Do not do + so, then, for the future; but call this alektryaina, and + this one alektor. + + Phid. Alektryaina! Did you learn these clever things by + going in just now to the Titans? + + Strep. And many others too; but whatever I learned on + each occasion I used to forget immediately, through + length of years. + + Phid. Is it for this reason, pray, that you have also + lost your cloak? + + Strep. I have not lost it; but have studied it away. + + Phid. What have you made of your slippers, you foolish + man? + + Strep. I have expended them, like Pericles, for needful + purposes. Come, move, let us go. And then if you obey + your father, go wrong if you like. I also know that I + formerly obeyed you, a lisping child of six years old, + and bought you a go-cart at the Diasia, with the first + obolus I received from the Heliaea. + + Phid. You will assuredly some time at length be grieved + at this. + + Strep. It is well done of you that you obeyed. Come + hither, come hither O Socrates! Come forth, for I bring + to you this son of mine, having persuaded him against + his will. + + [Enter Socrates] + + Soc. For he is still childish, and not used to the + baskets here. + + Phid. You would yourself be used to them if you were + hanged. + + Strep. A mischief take you! Do you abuse your teacher? + + Soc. "Were hanged" quoth 'a! How sillily he pronounced + it, and with lips wide apart! How can this youth ever + learn an acquittal from a trial or a legal summons, or + persuasive refutation? And yet Hyperbolus learned this + at the cost of a talent. + + Strep. Never mind; teach him. He is clever by nature. + Indeed, from his earliest years, when he was a little + fellow only so big, he was wont to form houses and carve + ships within-doors, and make little wagons of leather, + and make frogs out of pomegranate-rinds, you can't think + how cleverly. But see that he learns those two causes; + the better, whatever it may be; and the worse, which, by + maintaining what is unjust, overturns the better. If not + both, at any rate the unjust one by all means. + + Soc. He shall learn it himself from the two causes in + person. + + [Exit Socrates] + + Strep. I will take my departure. Remember this now, that + he is to be able to reply to all just arguments. + + [Exit Strepsiades and enter Just Cause and Unjust Cause] + + Just Cause. Come hither! Show yourself to the + spectators, although being audacious. + + Unjust Cause. Go whither you please; for I shall far + rather do for you, if I speak before a crowd. + + Just. You destroy me? Who are you? + + Unj. A cause. + + Just. Ay, the worse. + + Unj. But I conquer you, who say that you are better than + I. + + Just. By doing what clever trick? + + Unj. By discovering new contrivances. + + Just. For these innovations flourish by the favour of + these silly persons. + + Unj. No; but wise persons. + + Just I will destroy you miserably. + + Unj. Tell me, by doing what? + + Just By speaking what is just. + + Unj. But I will overturn them by contradicting them; for + I deny that justice even exists at all. + + Just Do you deny that it exists? + + Unj. For come, where is it? + + Just With the gods. + + Unj. How, then, if justice exists, has Jupiter not + perished, who bound his own father? + + Just Bah! This profanity now is spreading! Give me a + basin. + + Unj. You are a dotard and absurd. + + Just You are debauched and shameless. + + Unj. You have spoken roses of me. + + Just And a dirty lickspittle. + + Unj. You crown me with lilies. + + Just And a parricide. + + Unj. You don't know that you are sprinkling me with + gold. + + Just Certainly not so formerly, but with lead. + + Unj. But now this is an ornament to me. + + Just You are very impudent. + + Unj. And you are antiquated. + + Just And through you, no one of our youths is willing to + go to school; and you will be found out some time or + other by the Athenians, what sort of doctrines you teach + the simple-minded. + + Unj. You are shamefully squalid. + + Just And you are prosperous. And yet formerly you were a + beggar saying that you were the Mysian Telephus, and + gnawing the maxims of Pandeletus out of your little + wallet. + + Unj. Oh, the wisdom-- + + Just Oh, the madness-- + + Unj. Which you have mentioned. + + Just And of your city, which supports you who ruin her + youths. + + Unj. You shan't teach this youth, you old dotard. + + Just Yes, if he is to be saved, and not merely to + practise loquacity. + + Unj. (to Phidippides) Come hither, and leave him to + rave. + + Just You shall howl, if you lay your hand on him. + + Cho. Cease from contention and railing. But show to us, + you, what you used to teach the men of former times, and + you, the new system of education; in order that, having + heard you disputing, he may decide and go to the school + of one or the other. + + Just. I am willing to do so. + + Unj. I also am willing. + + Cho. Come now, which of the two shall speak first? + + Unj. I will give him the precedence; and then, from + these things which he adduces, I will shoot him dead + with new words and thoughts. And at last, if he mutter, + he shall be destroyed, being stung in his whole face and + his two eyes by my maxims, as if by bees. + + Cho. Now the two, relying on very dexterous arguments + and thoughts, and sententious maxims, will show which of + them shall appear superior in argument. For now the + whole crisis of wisdom is here laid before them; about + which my friends have a very great contest. But do you, + who adorned our elders with many virtuous manners, utter + the voice in which you rejoice, and declare your nature. + + Just. I will, therefore, describe the ancient system of + education, how it was ordered, when I flourished in the + advocacy of justice, and temperance was the fashion. In + the first place it was incumbent that no one should hear + the voice of a boy uttering a syllable; and next, that + those from the same quarter of the town should march in + good order through the streets to the school of the + harp-master, naked, and in a body, even if it were to + snow as thick as meal. Then again, their master would + teach them, not sitting cross-legged, to learn by rote a + song, either "pallada persepolin deinan" or "teleporon + ti boama" raising to a higher pitch the harmony which + our fathers transmitted to us. But if any of them were + to play the buffoon, or to turn any quavers, like these + difficult turns the present artists make after the + manner of Phrynis, he used to be thrashed, being beaten + with many blows, as banishing the Muses. And it behooved + the boys, while sitting in the school of the + Gymnastic-master, to cover the thigh, so that they might + exhibit nothing indecent to those outside; then again, + after rising from the ground, to sweep the sand + together, and to take care not to leave an impression of + the person for their lovers. And no boy used in those + days to anoint himself below the navel; so that their + bodies wore the appearance of blooming health. Nor used + he to go to his lover, having made up his voice in an + effeminate tone, prostituting himself with his eyes. Nor + used it to be allowed when one was dining to take the + head of the radish, or to snatch from their seniors dill + or parsley, or to eat fish, or to giggle, or to keep the + legs crossed. + + Unj. Aye, antiquated and dipolia-like and full of + grasshoppers, and of Cecydes, and of the Buphonian + festival! + + Just Yet certainly these are those principles by which + my system of education nurtured the men who fought at + Marathon. But you teach the men of the present day, so + that I am choked, when at the Panathenaia a fellow, + holding his shield before his person, neglects + Tritogenia, when they ought to dance. Wherefore, O + youth, choose with confidence, me, the better cause, and + you will learn to hate the Agora, and to refrain from + baths, and to be ashamed of what is disgraceful, and to + be enraged if any one jeer you, and to rise up from + seats before your seniors when they approach, and not to + behave ill toward your parents, and to do nothing else + that is base, because you are to form in your mind an + image of Modesty: and not to dart into the house of a + dancing-woman, lest, while gaping after these things, + being struck with an apple by a wanton, you should be + damaged in your reputation: and not to contradict your + father in anything; nor by calling him Iapetus, to + reproach him with the ills of age, by which you were + reared in your infancy. + + Unj. If you shall believe him in this, O youth, by + Bacchus, you will be like the sons of Hippocrates, and + they will call you a booby. + + Just. Yet certainly shall you spend your time in the + gymnastic schools, sleek and blooming; not chattering in + the market-place rude jests, like the youths of the + present day; nor dragged into court for a petty suit, + greedy, pettifogging, knavish; but you shall descend to + the Academy and run races beneath the sacred olives + along with some modest compeer, crowned with white + reeds, redolent of yew, and careless ease, of + leaf-shedding white poplar, rejoicing in the season of + spring, when the plane-tree whispers to the elm. If you + do these things which I say, and apply your mind to + these, you will ever have a stout chest, a clear + complexion, broad shoulders, a little tongue, large + hips, little lewdness. But if you practise what the + youths of the present day do, you will have in the first + place, a pallid complexion, small shoulders, a narrow + chest, a large tongue, little hips, great lewdness, a + long psephism; and this deceiver will persuade you to + consider everything that is base to be honourable, and + what is honourable to be base; and in addition to this, + he will fill you with the lewdness of Antimachus. + + Cho. O thou that practisest most renowned high-towering + wisdom! How sweetly does a modest grace attend your + words! Happy, therefore, were they who lived in those + days, in the times of former men! In reply, then, to + these, O thou that hast a dainty-seeming Muse, it + behooveth thee to say something new; since the man has + gained renown. And it appears you have need of powerful + arguments against him, if you are to conquer the man and + not incur laughter. + + Unj. And yet I was choking in my heart, and was longing + to confound all these with contrary maxims. For I have + been called among the deep thinkers the "worse cause" on + this very account, that I first contrived how to speak + against both law and justice; and this art is worth more + than ten thousand staters, that one should choose the + worse cause, and nevertheless be victorious. But mark + how I will confute the system of education on which he + relies, who says, in the first place, that he will not + permit you to be washed with warm water. And yet, on + what principle do you blame the warm baths? + + Just. Because it is most vile, and makes a man cowardly. + + Unj. Stop! For immediately I seize and hold you by the + waist without escape. Come, tell me, which of the sons + of Jupiter do you deem to have been the bravest in soul, + and to have undergone most labours? + + Just. I consider no man superior to Hercules. + + Unj. Where, pray, did you ever see cold Herculean baths? + And yet, who was more valiant than he? + + Just. These are the very things which make the bath full + of youths always chattering all day long, but the + palaestras empty. + + Unj. You next find fault with their living in the + market-place; but I commend it. For if it had been bad, + Homer would never have been for representing Nestor as + an orator; nor all the other wise men. I will return, + then, from thence to the tongue, which this fellow says + our youths ought not to exercise, while I maintain they + should. And again, he says they ought to be modest: two + very great evils. For tell me to whom you have ever seen + any good accrue through modesty and confute me by your + words. + + Just. To many. Peleus, at any rate, received his sword + on account of it. + + Unj. A sword? Marry, he got a pretty piece of luck, the + poor wretch! While Hyperbolus, he of the lamps, got more + than many talents by his villainy, but by Jupiter, no + sword! + + Just. And Peleus married Thetis, too, through his + modesty. + + Unj. And then she went off and left him; for he was not + lustful, nor an agreeable bedfellow to spend the night + with. Now a woman delights in being wantonly treated. + But you are an old dotard. For (to Phidippides) + consider, O youth, all that attaches to modesty, and of + how many pleasures you are about to be deprived--of + women, of games at cottabus, of dainties, of + drinking-bouts, of giggling. And yet, what is life worth + to you if you be deprived of these enjoyments? Well, I + will pass from thence to the necessities of our nature. + You have gone astray, you have fallen in love, you have + been guilty of some adultery, and then have been caught. + You are undone, for you are unable to speak. But if you + associate with me, indulge your inclination, dance, + laugh, and think nothing disgraceful. For if you should + happen to be detected as an adulterer, you will make + this reply to him, "that you have done him no injury": + and then refer him to Jupiter, how even he is overcome + by love and women. And yet, how could you, who are a + mortal, have greater power than a god? + + Just. But what if he should suffer the radish through + obeying you, and be depillated with hot ashes? What + argument will he be able to state, to prove that he is + not a blackguard? + + Unj. And if he be a blackguard, what harm will he + suffer? + + Just. Nay, what could he ever suffer still greater than + this? + + Unj. What then will you say if you be conquered by me in + this? + + Just. I will be silent: what else can I do? + + Unj. Come, now, tell me; from what class do the + advocates come? + + Just. From the blackguards. + + Unj. I believe you. What then? From what class do + tragedians come? + + Just. From the blackguards. + + Unj. You say well. But from what class do the public + orators come? + + Just. From the blackguards. + + Unj. Then have you perceived that you say nothing to the + purpose? And look which class among the audience is the + more numerous. + + Just. Well now, I'm looking. + + Unj. What, then, do you see? + + Just. By the gods, the blackguards to be far more + numerous. This fellow, at any rate, I know; and him + yonder; and this fellow with the long hair. + + Unj. What, then, will you say? + + Just. We are conquered. Ye blackguards, by the gods, + receive my cloak, for I desert to you. + + [Exeunt the Two Causes, and re-enter Socrates and + Strepsiades.] + + Soc. What then? whether do you wish to take and lead + away this your son, or shall I teach him to speak? + + Strep. Teach him, and chastise him: and remember that + you train him properly; on the one side able for petty + suits; but train his other jaw able for the more + important causes. + + Soc. Make yourself easy; you shall receive him back a + clever sophist. + + Strep. Nay, rather, pale and wretched. + + [Exeunt Socrates, Strepsiades, and Phidippides.] + + Cho. Go ye, then: but I think that you will repent of + these proceedings. We wish to speak about the judges, + what they will gain, if at all they justly assist this + Chorus. For in the first place, if you wish to plough up + your fields in spring, we will rain for you first; but + for the others afterward. And then we will protect the + fruits, and the vines, so that neither drought afflict + them, nor excessive wet weather. But if any mortal + dishonour us who are goddesses, let him consider what + evils he will suffer at our hands, obtaining neither + wine nor anything else from his farm. For when his + olives and vines sprout, they shall be cut down; with + such slings will we smite them. And if we see him making + brick, we will rain; and we will smash the tiles of his + roof with round hailstones. And if he himself, or any + one of his kindred or friends, at any time marry, we + will rain the whole night; so he will probably wish + rather to have been even in Egypt than to have judged + badly. + + [Enter Strepsiades with a meal-sack on his shoulder.] + + Strep. The fifth, the fourth, the third, after this the + second; and then, of all the days I most fear, and + dread, and abominate, immediately after this there is + the Old and New. For every one to whom I happen to be + indebted, swears, and says he will ruin and destroy me, + having made his deposits against me; though I only ask + what is moderate and just-"My good sir, one part don't + take just now; the other part put off I pray; and the + other part remit"; they say that thus they will never + get back their money, but abuse me, as I am unjust, and + say they will go to law with me. Now therefore let them + go to law, for it little concerns me, if Phidippides has + learned to speak well. I shall soon know by knocking at + the thinking-shop. + + [Knocks at the door.] + + Boy, I say! Boy, boy! + + [Enter Socrates] + + Soc. Good morning, Strepsiades. + + Strep. The same to you. But first accept this present; + for one ought to compliment the teacher with a fee. And + tell me about my son, if he has learned that cause, + which you just now brought forward. + + Soc. He has learned it. + + Strep. Well done, O Fraud, all-powerful queen! + + Soc. So that you can get clear off from whatever suit + you please. + + Strep. Even if witnesses were present when I borrowed + the money? + + Soc. Yea, much more! Even if a thousand be present. + + Strep. Then I will shout with a very loud shout: Ho! + Weep, you petty-usurers, both you and your principals, + and your compound interests! For you can no longer do me + any harm, because such a son is being reared for me in + this house, shining with a double-edged tongue, for my + guardian, the preserver of my house, a mischief to my + enemies, ending the sadness of the great woes of his + father. Him do thou run and summon from within to me. + + [Socrates goes into the house.] + + O child! O son! Come forth from the house! Hear your + father! + + [Re-enter Socrates leading in Phidippides] + + Soc. Lo, here is the man! + + Strep. O my dear, my dear! + + Soc. Take your son and depart. + + [Exit Socrates.] + + Strep. Oh, oh, my child! Huzza! Huzza! How I am + delighted at the first sight of your complexion! Now, + indeed, you are, in the first place, negative and + disputatious to look at, and this fashion native to the + place plainly appears, the "what do you say?" and the + seeming to be injured when, I well know, you are + injuring and inflicting a wrong; and in your countenance + there is the Attic look. Now, therefore, see that you + save me, since you have also ruined me. + + Phid. What, pray, do you fear? + + Strep. The Old and New. + + Phid. Why, is any day old and new? + + Strep. Yes; on which they say that they will make their + deposits against me. + + Phid. Then those that have made them will lose them; for + it is not possible that two days can be one day. + + Strep. Can not it? + + Phid. Certainly not; unless the same woman can be both + old and young at the same time. + + Strep. And yet it is the law. + + Phid. For they do not, I think, rightly understand what + the law means. + + Strep. And what does it mean? + + Phid. The ancient Solon was by nature the commons' + friend. + + Strep. This surely is nothing whatever to the Old and + New. + + Phid. He therefore made the summons for two days, for + the Old and New, that the deposits might be made on the + first of the month. + + Strep. Why, pray, did he add the old day? + + Phid. In order, my good sir, that the defendants, being + present a day before, might compromise the matter of + their own accord; but if not, that they might be worried + on the morning of the new moon. + + Strep. Why, then, do the magistrates not receive the + deposits on the new moon, but on the Old and New? + + Phid. They seem to me to do what the forestallers do: in + order that they may appreciate the deposits as soon as + possible, on this account they have the first pick by + one day. + + Strep. (turning to the audience) Bravo! Ye wretches, why + do you sit senseless, the gain of us wise men, being + blocks, ciphers, mere sheep, jars heaped together, + wherefore I must sing an encomium upon myself and this + my son, on account of our good fortune. "O happy + Strepsiades! How wise you are yourself, and how + excellent is the son whom you are rearing!" My friends + and fellow-tribesmen will say of me, envying me, when + you prove victorious in arguing causes. But first I wish + to lead you in and entertain you. + + [Exeunt Strepsiades and Phidippides.] + + Pasias (entering with his summons-witness) Then, ought a + man to throw away any part of his own property? Never! + But it were better then at once to put away blushes, + rather than now to have trouble; since I am now dragging + you to be a witness, for the sake of my own money; and + further, in addition to this, I shall become an enemy to + my fellow-tribesman. But never, while I live, will I + disgrace my country, but will summon Strepsiades. + + Strep. (from within) Who's there? + + Pas. For the Old and New. + + Strep. I call you to witness, that he has named it for + two days. For what matter do you summon me? + + Pas. For the twelve minae, which you received when you + were buying the dapple-gray horse. + + Strep. A horse? Do you not hear? I, whom you all know to + hate horsemanship! + + Pas. And, by Jupiter! You swore by the gods too, that + you would repay it. + + Strep. Ay, by Jove! For then my Phidippides did not yet + know the irrefragable argument. + + Pas. And do you now intend, on this account, to deny the + debt? + + Strep. Why, what good should I get else from his + instruction? + + Pas. And will you be willing to deny these upon oath of + the gods? + + Strep. What gods? + + Pas. Jupiter, Mercury, and Neptune. + + Strep. Yes, by Jupiter! And would pay down, too, a + three-obol piece besides to swear. + + Pas. Then may you perish some day for your impudence! + + Strep. This man would be the better for it if he were + cleansed by rubbing with salt. + + Pas. Ah me, how you deride me! + + Strep. He will contain six choae. + + Pas. By great Jupiter and the gods, you certainly shall + not do this to me with impunity! + + Strep. I like your gods amazingly; and Jupiter, sworn + by, is ridiculous to the knowing ones. + + Pas. You will assuredly suffer punishment, some time or + other, for this. But answer and dismiss me, whether you + are going to repay me my money or not. + + Strep. Keep quiet now, for I will presently answer you + distinctly. + + [Runs into the house.] + + Pas. (to his summons-witness). What do you think he will + do? + + Witness. I think he will pay you. + + [Re-enter Strepsiades with a kneading-trough] + + Strep. Where is this man who asks me for his money? Tell + me what is this? + + Pas. What is this? A kardopos. + + Strep. And do you then ask me for your money, being such + an ignorant person? I would not pay, not even an obolus, + to any one who called the kardope kardopos. + + Pas. Then won't you pay me? + + Strep. Not, as far as I know. Will you not then pack off + as fast as possible from my door? + + Pas. I will depart; and be assured of this, that I will + make deposit against you, or may I live no longer! + + Strep. Then you will lose it besides, in addition to + your twelve minae. And yet I do not wish you to suffer + this, because you named the kardopos foolishly. + + [Exeunt Pasias and Witness, and enter Amynias] + + Amynias. Ah me! Ah me! + + Strep. Ha! Whoever is this, who is lamenting? Surely it + was not one of Carcinus' deities that spoke. + + Amyn. But why do you wish to know this, who I am?-A + miserable man. + + Strep. Then follow your own path. + + Amyn. O harsh fortune! O Fates, breaking the wheels of + my horses! O Pallas, how you have destroyed me! + + Strep. What evil, pray, has Tlepolemus ever done you? + + Amyn. Do not jeer me, my friend; but order your son to + pay me the money which he received; especially as I have + been unfortunate. + + Strep. What money is this? + + Amyn. That which he borrowed. + + Strep. Then you were really unlucky, as I think. + + Amyn. By the gods, I fell while driving my horses. + + Strep. Why, pray, do you talk nonsense, as if you had + fallen from an ass? + + Amyn. Do I talk nonsense if I wish to recover my money? + + Strep. You can't be in your senses yourself. + + Amyn. Why, pray? + + Strep. You appear to me to have had your brains shaken + as it were. + + Amyn. And you appear to me, by Hermes, to be going to be + summoned, if you will not pay me the money? + + Strep. Tell me now, whether you think that Jupiter + always rains fresh rain on each occasion, or that the + sun draws from below the same water back again? + + Amyn. I know not which; nor do I care. + + Strep. How then is it just that you should recover your + money, if you know nothing of meteorological matters? + + Amyn. Well, if you are in want, pay me the interest of + my money. + + Strep. What sort of animal is this interest? + + Amyn. Most assuredly the money is always becoming more + and more every month and every day as the time slips + away. + + Strep. You say well. What then? Is it possible that you + consider the sea to be greater now than formerly? + + Amyn. No, by Jupiter, but equal; for it is not fitting + that it should be greater. + + Strep. And how then, you wretch does this become no way + greater, though the rivers flow into it, while you seek + to increase your money? Will you not take yourself off + from my house? Bring me the goad. + + [Enter Servant with a goad.] + + Amyn. I call you to witness these things. + + Strep. (beating him). Go! Why do you delay? Won't you + march, Mr. Blood-horse? + + Amyn. Is not this an insult, pray? + + Strep. Will you move quickly? + + [Pricks him behind with the goad.] + + I'll lay on you, goading you behind, you outrigger? Do + you fly? + + [Amynias runs off.] + + I thought I should stir you, together with your wheels + and your two-horse chariots. + + [Exit Strepsiades.] + + Cho. What a thing it is to love evil courses! For this + old man, having loved them, wishes to withhold the money + that he borrowed. And he will certainly meet with + something today, which will perhaps cause this sophist + to suddenly receive some misfortune, in return for the + knaveries he has begun. For I think that he will + presently find what has been long boiling up, that his + son is skilful to speak opinions opposed to justice, so + as to overcome all with whomsoever he holds converse, + even if he advance most villainous doctrines; and + perhaps, perhaps his father will wish that he were even + speechless. + + Strep. (running out of the house pursued by his son) + Hollo! Hollo! O neighbours, and kinsfolk, and + fellow-tribesmen, defend me, by all means, who am being + beaten! Ah me, unhappy man, for my head and jaw! Wretch! + Do you beat your father? + + Phid. Yes, father. + + Strep. You see him owning that he beats me. + + Phid. Certainly. + + Strep. O wretch, and parricide, and house-breaker! + + Phid. Say the same things of me again, and more. Do you + know that I take pleasure in being much abused? + + Strep. You blackguard! + + Phid. Sprinkle me with roses in abundance. + + Strep. Do you beat your father? + + Phid. And will prove too, by Jupiter! that I beat you + with justice. + + Strep. O thou most rascally! Why, how can it be just to + beat a father? + + Phid. I will demonstrate it, and will overcome you in + argument. + + Strep. Will you overcome me in this? + + Phid. Yea, by much and easily. But choose which of the + two Causes you wish to speak. + + Strep. Of what two Causes? + + Phid. The better, or the worse? + + Strep. Marry, I did get you taught to speak against + justice, by Jupiter, my friend, if you are going to + persuade me of this, that it is just and honourable for + a father to be beaten by his sons! + + Phid. I think I shall certainly persuade you; so that, + when you have heard, not even you yourself will say + anything against it. + + Strep. Well, now, I am willing to hear what you have to + say. + + Cho. It is your business, old man, to consider in what + way you shall conquer the man; for if he were not + relying upon something, he would not be so licentious. + But he is emboldened by something; the boldness of the + man is evident. Now you ought to tell to the Chorus from + what the contention first arose. And this you must do by + all means. + + Strep. Well, now, I will tell you from what we first + began to rail at one another. After we had feasted, as + you know, I first bade him take a lyre, and sing a song + of Simonides, "The Shearing of the Ram." But he + immediately said it was old-fashioned to play on the + lyre and sing while drinking, like a woman grinding + parched barley. + + Phid. For ought you not then immediately to be beaten + and trampled on, bidding me sing, just as if you were + entertaining cicadae? + + Strep. He expressed, however, such opinions then too + within, as he does now; and he asserted that Simonides + was a bad poet. I bore it at first, with difficulty + indeed, yet nevertheless I bore it. And then I bade him + at least take a myrtle-wreath and recite to me some + portion of Aeschylus; and then he immediately said, + "Shall I consider Aeschylus the first among the poets, + full of empty sound, unpolished, bombastic, using rugged + words?" And hereupon you can't think how my heart + panted. But, nevertheless, I restrained my passion, and + said, "At least recite some passage of the more modern + poets, of whatever kind these clever things be." And he + immediately sang a passage of Euripides, how a brother, + O averter of ill! Debauched his uterine sister. And I + bore it no longer, but immediately assailed him with + many abusive reproaches. And then, after that, as was + natural, we hurled word upon word. Then he springs upon + me; and then he was wounding me, and beating me, and + throttling me. + + Phid. Were you not therefore justly beaten, who do not + praise Euripides, the wisest of poets? + + Strep. He the wisest! Oh, what shall I call you? But I + shall be beaten again. + + Phid. Yes, by Jupiter, with justice? + + Strep. Why, how with justice? Who, O shameless fellow, + reared you, understanding all your wishes, when you + lisped what you meant? If you said bryn, I, + understanding it, used to give you to drink. And when + you asked for mamman, I used to come to you with bread. + And you used no sooner to say caccan, than I used to + take and carry you out of doors, and hold you before me. + But you now, throttling me who was bawling and crying + out because I wanted to ease myself, had not the heart + to carry me forth out of doors, you wretch; but I did it + there while I was being throttled. + + Cho. I fancy the hearts of the youths are panting to + hear what he will say. For if, after having done such + things, he shall persuade him by speaking, I would not + take the hide of the old folks, even at the price of a + chick-pea. It is thy business, thou author and upheaver + of new words, to seek some means of persuasion, so that + you shall seem to speak justly. + + Phid. How pleasant it is to be acquainted with new and + clever things, and to be able to despise the established + laws! For I, when I applied my mind to horsemanship + alone, used not to be able to utter three words before I + made a mistake; but now, since he himself has made me + cease from these pursuits, and I am acquainted with + subtle thoughts, and arguments, and speculations, I + think I shall demonstrate that it is just to chastise + one's father. + + Strep. Ride, then, by Jupiter! Since it is better for me + to keep a team of four horses than to be killed with a + beating. + + Phid. I will pass over to that part of my discourse + where you interrupted me; and first I will ask you this: + Did you beat me when I was a boy? + + Strep. I did, through good-will and concern for you. + + Phid. Pray tell me, is it not just that I also should be + well inclined toward you in the same way, and beat you, + since this is to be well inclined-to give a beating? For + why ought your body to be exempt from blows and mine + not? And yet I too was born free. The boys weep, and do + you not think it is right that a father should weep? You + will say that it is ordained by law that this should be + the lot of boys. But I would reply, that old men are + boys twice over, and that it is the more reasonable that + the old should weep than the young, inasmuch as it is + less just that they should err. + + Strep. It is nowhere ordained by law that a father + should suffer this. + + Phid. Was it not then a man like you and me, who first + proposed this law, and by speaking persuaded the + ancients? Why then is it less lawful for me also in turn + to propose henceforth a new law for the sons, that they + should beat their fathers in turn? But as many blows as + we received before the law was made, we remit: and we + concede to them our having been thrashed without return. + Observe the cocks and these other animals, how they + punish their fathers; and yet, in what do they differ + from us, except that they do not write decrees? + + Strep. Why then, since you imitate the cocks in all + things, do you not both eat dung and sleep on a perch? + + Phid. It is not the same thing, my friend; nor would it + appear so to Socrates. + + Strep. Therefore do not beat me; otherwise you will one + day blame yourself. + + Phid. Why, how? + + Strep. Since I am justly entitled to chastise you; and + you to chastise your son, if you should have one. + + Phid. But if I should not have one, I shall have wept + for nothing, and you will die laughing at me. + + Strep. To me, indeed, O comrades, he seems to speak + justly; and I think we ought to concede to them what is + fitting. For it is proper that we should weep, if we do + not act justly. + + Phid. Consider still another maxim. + + Strep. No; for I shall perish if I do. + + Phid. And yet perhaps you will not be vexed at suffering + what you now suffer. + + Strep. How, pray? For inform me what good you will do me + by this. + + Phid. I will beat my mother, just as I have you. + + Strep. What do you say? What do you say? This other, + again, is a greater wickedness. + + Phid. But what if, having the worst Cause, I shall + conquer you in arguing, proving that it is right to beat + one's mother? + + Strep. Most assuredly, if you do this, nothing will + hinder you from casting yourself and your Worse Cause + into the pit along with Socrates. These evils have I + suffered through you, O Clouds! Having intrusted all my + affairs to you. + + Cho. Nay, rather, you are yourself the cause of these + things, having turned yourself to wicked courses. + + Strep. Why, pray, did you not tell me this, then, but + excited with hopes a rustic and aged man? + + Cho. We always do this to him whom we perceive to be a + lover of wicked courses, until we precipitate him into + misfortune, so that he may learn to fear the gods. + + Strep. Ah me! it is severe, O Clouds! But it is just; + for I ought not to have withheld the money which I + borrowed. Now, therefore, come with me, my dearest son, + that you may destroy the blackguard Chaerephon and + Socrates, who deceived you and me. + + Phid. I will not injure my teachers. + + Strep. Yes, yes, reverence Paternal Jove. + + Phid. "Paternal Jove" quoth'a! How antiquated you are! + Why, is there any Jove? + + Strep. There is. + + Phid. There is not, no; for Vortex reigns having + expelled Jupiter. + + Strep. He has not expelled him; but I fancied this, on + account of this Vortex here. Ah me, unhappy man! When I + even took you who are of earthenware for a god. + + Phid. Here rave and babble to yourself. + + [Exit Phidippides] + + Strep. Ah me, what madness! How mad, then, I was when I + ejected the gods on account of Socrates! But O dear + Hermes, by no means be wroth with me, nor destroy me; + but pardon me, since I have gone crazy through prating. + And become my adviser, whether I shall bring an action + and prosecute them, or whatever you think. You advise me + rightly, not permitting me to get up a lawsuit, but as + soon as possible to set fire to the house of the prating + fellows. Come hither, come hither, Xanthias! Come forth + with a ladder and with a mattock and then mount upon the + thinking-shop and dig down the roof, if you love your + master, until you tumble the house upon them. + + [Xanthias mounts upon the roof] + + But let some one bring me a lighted torch and I'll make + some of them this day suffer punishment, even if they be + ever so much impostors. + + 1st Dis. (from within) Hollo! Hollo! + + Strep. It is your business, O torch, to send forth + abundant flame. + + [Mounts upon the roof] + + 1st Dis. What are you doing, fellow? + + Strep. What am I doing? Why, what else, than chopping + logic with the beams of your house? + + [Sets the house on fire] + + 2nd Dis. (from within) You will destroy us! You will + destroy us! + + Strep. For I also wish this very thing; unless my + mattock deceive my hopes, or I should somehow fall first + and break my neck. + + Soc. (from within). Hollo you! What are you doing, pray, + you fellow on the roof? + + Strep. I am walking on air, and speculating about the + sun. + + Soc. Ah me, unhappy! I shall be suffocated, wretched + man! + + Chaer. And I, miserable man, shall be burnt to death! + + Strep. For what has come into your heads that you acted + insolently toward the gods, and pried into the seat of + the moon? Chase, pelt, smite them, for many reasons, but + especially because you know that they offended against + the gods! + + [The thinking shop is burned down] + + Cho. Lead the way out; for we have sufficiently acted as + chorus for today. + + + + [Exeunt omnes] + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Clouds, by Aristophanes + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE CLOUDS *** + +***** This file should be named 2562.txt or 2562.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/2/5/6/2562/ + +Produced by An Anonymous Volunteer + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. 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William James Hickie + + + + +* All Greek from the original edition has been +transliterated into Roman characters. + +Dramatis Personae + +Strepsiades +Phidippides +Servant of Strepsiades +Disciples of Socrates +Socrates +Chorus of Clouds +Just Cause +Unjust Cause +Pasias +Amynias +Witness +Chaerephon + +Scene: The interior of a sleeping-apartment: +Strepsiades, Phidippides, and two servants are in their +beds; a small house is seen at a distance. Time: +midnight. + +Strepsiades (sitting up in his bed). Ah me! Ah me! O +King Jupiter, of what a terrible length the nights are! +Will it never be day? And yet long since I heard the +cock. My domestics are snoring; but they would not have +done so heretofore! May you perish then, O war! For many +reasons; because I may not even punish my domestics. +Neither does this excellent youth awake through the +night; but takes his ease, wrapped up in five blankets. +Well, if it is the fashion, let us snore wrapped up. + + +[Lies down, and then almost immediately starts up +again.] + +But I am not able, miserable man, to sleep, being +tormented by my expenses, and my stud of horses, and my +debts, through this son of mine. He with his long hair, +is riding horses and driving curricles, and dreaming of +horses; while I am driven to distraction, as I see the +moon bringing on the twentieths; for the interest is +running on. Boy! Light a lamp, and bring forth my +tablets, that I may take them and read to how many I am +indebted, and calculate the interest. + +[Enter boy with a light and tablets.] + +Come, let me see; what do I owe? Twelve minae to +Pasias. Why twelve minae to Pasias? Why did I borrow +them? When I bought the blood-horse. Ah me, unhappy! +Would that it had had its eye knocked out with a stone +first! + +Phidippides (talking in his sleep). You are acting +unfairly, Philo! Drive on your own course. + +Strep. This is the bane that has destroyed me; for even +in his sleep he dreams about horsemanship. + +Phid. How many courses will the war-chariots run? + +Strep. Many courses do you drive me, your father. But +what debt came upon me after Pasias? Three minae to +Amynias for a little chariot and pair of wheels. + +Phid. Lead the horse home, after having given him a good +rolling. + +Strep. O foolish youth, you have rolled me out of my +possessions; since I have been cast in suits, and others +say that they will have surety given them for the +interest. + +Phid. (awakening) Pray, father, why are you peevish, and +toss about the whole night? + +Strep. A bailiff out of the bedclothes is biting +me. + +Phid. Suffer me, good sir, to sleep a little. + +Strep. Then, do you sleep on; but know that all these +debts will turn on your head. + +[Phidippides falls asleep again.] + +Alas! Would that the match-maker had perished miserably, +who induced me to marry your mother. For a country life +used to be most agreeable to me, dirty, untrimmed, +reclining at random, abounding in bees, and sheep, and +oil-cake. Then I, a rustic, married a niece of Megacles, +the son of Megacles, from the city, haughty, luxurious, +and Coesyrafied. When I married her, I lay with her +redolent of new wine, of the cheese-crate, and abundance +of wool; but she, on the contrary, of ointment, saffron, +wanton-kisses, extravagance, gluttony, and of Colias and +Genetyllis. I will not indeed say that she was idle; +but she wove. And I used to show her this cloak by way +of a pretext and say "Wife, you weave at a great +rate." + +Servant re-enters. + +Servant. We have no oil in the lamp. + +Strep. Ah me! Why did you light the thirsty lamp? Come +hither that you may weep! + +Ser. For what, pray, shall I weep? + +Strep. Because you put in one of the thick wicks. + +[Servant runs out] + +After this, when this son was born to us, to me, +forsooth, and to my excellent wife, we squabbled then +about the name: for she was for adding hippos to the +name, Xanthippus, or Charippus, or Callipides; but I was +for giving him the name of his grandfather, Phidonides. +For a time therefore we disputed; and then at length we +agreed, and called him Phidippides. She used to take +this son and fondle him, saying, "When you, being grown +up, shall drive your chariot to the city, like Megacles, +with a xystis." But I used to say, "Nay, rather, when +dressed in a leathern jerkin, you shall drive goats from +Phelleus, like your father." He paid no attention to my +words, but poured a horse-fever over my property. Now, +therefore, by meditating the whole night, I have +discovered one path for my course extraordinarily +excellent; to which if I persuade this youth I shall be +saved. But first I wish to awake him. How then can I +awake him in the most agreeable manner? How? +Phidippides, my little Phidippides? + +Phid. What, father? + +Strep. Kiss me, and give me your right hand! + +Phid. There. What's the matter? + +Strep. Tell me, do you love me? + +Phid. Yes, by this Equestrian Neptune. + +Strep. Nay, do not by any means mention this Equestrian +to me, for this god is the author of my misfortunes. +But, if you really love me from your heart, my son, obey +me. + +Phid. In what then, pray, shall I obey you? + +Strep. Reform your habits as quickly as possible, and go +and learn what I advise. + +Phid. Tell me now, what do you prescribe? + +Strep. And will you obey me at all? + +Phid. By Bacchus, I will obey you. + +Strep. Look this way then! Do you see this little door +and little house? + +Phid. I see it. What then, pray, is this, father? + +Strep. This is a thinking-shop of wise spirits. There +dwell men who in speaking of the heavens persuade people +that it is an oven, and that it encompasses us, and that +we are the embers. These men teach, if one give them +money, to conquer in speaking, right or wrong. + +Phid. Who are they? + +Strep. I do not know the name accurately. They are +minute philosophers, noble and excellent. + +Phid. Bah! They are rogues; I know them. You mean the +quacks, the pale-faced wretches, the bare-footed +fellows, of whose numbers are the miserable Socrates and +Chaerephon. + +Strep. Hold! Hold! Be silent! Do not say anything +foolish. But, if you have any concern for your father's +patrimony, become one of them, having given up your +horsemanship. + +Phid. I would not, by Bacchus, even if you were to give +me the pheasants which Leogoras rears! + +Strep. Go, I entreat you, dearest of men, go and be +taught. + +Phid. Why, what shall I learn? + +Strep. They say that among them are both the two +causes--the better cause, whichever that is, and the +worse: they say that the one of these two causes, the +worse, prevails, though it speaks on the unjust side. +If, therefore you learn for me this unjust cause, I +would not pay any one, not even an obolus of these +debts, which I owe at present on your account. + +Phid. I can not comply; for I should not dare to look +upon the knights, having lost all my colour. + +Strep. Then, by Ceres, you shall not eat any of my +good! Neither you, nor your blood-horse; but I will +drive you out of my house to the crows. + +Phid. My uncle Megacles will not permit me to be without +a horse. But I'll go in, and pay no heed to you. + +[Exit Phidippides.] + +Strep. Though fallen, still I will not lie prostrate: +but having prayed to the gods, I will go myself to the +thinking-shop and get taught. How, then, being an old +man, shall I learn the subtleties of refined +disquisitions? I must go. Why thus do I loiter and not +knock at the door? + +[Knocks at the door.] + +Boy! Little boy! + +Disciple (from within). Go to the devil! Who it is that +knocked at the door? + +Strep. Strepsiades, the son of Phidon, of Cicynna. + +Dis. You are a stupid fellow, by Jove! who have kicked +against the door so very carelessly, and have caused the +miscarriage of an idea which I had conceived. + +Strep. Pardon me; for I dwell afar in the country. But +tell me the thing which has been made to miscarry. + +Dis. It is not lawful to mention it, except to +disciples. + +Strep. Tell it, then, to me without fear; for I here am +come as a disciple to the thinking-shop. + +Dis. I will tell you; but you must regard these as +mysteries. Socrates lately asked Chaerephon about a +flea, how many of its own feet it jumped; for after +having bit the eyebrow of Chaerephon, it leaped away +onto the head of Socrates. + +Strep. How then did he measure this? + +Dis. Most cleverly. He melted some wax; and then took +the flea and dipped its feet in the wax; and then a pair +of Persian slippers stuck to it when cooled. Having +gently loosened these, he measured back the distance. + +Strep. O King Jupiter! What subtlety of thought! + +Dis. What then would you say if you heard another +contrivance of Socrates? + +Strep. Of what kind? Tell me, I beseech you! + +Dis. Chaerephon the Sphettian asked him whether he +thought gnats buzzed through the mouth or the breech. + +Strep. What, then, did he say about the gnat? + +Dis. He said the intestine of the gnat was narrow and +that the wind went forcibly through it, being slender, +straight to the breech; and then that the rump, being +hollow where it is adjacent to the narrow part, +resounded through the violence of the wind. + +Strep. The rump of the gnats then is a trumpet! Oh, +thrice happy he for his sharp-sightedness! Surely a +defendant might easily get acquitted who understands the +intestine of the gnat. + +Dis. But he was lately deprived of a great idea by a +lizard. + +Strep. In what way? Tell me. + +Dis. As he was investigating the courses of the moon and +her revolutions, then as he was gaping upward a lizard +in the darkness dropped upon him from the roof. + +Strep. I am amused at a lizard's having dropped on +Socrates. + +Dis. Yesterday evening there was no supper for us. + +Strep. Well. What then did he contrive for provisions? + +Dis. He sprinkled fine ashes on the table, and bent a +little spit, and then took it as a pair of compasses and +filched a cloak from the Palaestra. + +Strep. Why then do we admire Thales? Open open quickly +the thinking-shop, and show to me Socrates as quickly as +possible. For I desire to be a disciple. Come, open the +door. + +[The door of the thinking-shop opens and the pupils of +Socrates are seen all with their heads fixed on the +ground, while Socrates himself is seen suspended in the +air in a basket.] + +O Hercules, from what country are these wild beasts? + +Dis. What do you wonder at? To what do they seem to you +to be like? + +Strep. To the Spartans who were taken at Pylos. But why +in the world do these look upon the ground? + +Dis. They are in search of the things below the earth. + +Strep. Then they are searching for roots. Do not, then, +trouble yourselves about this; for I know where there +are large and fine ones. Why, what are these doing, who +are bent down so much? + +Dis. These are groping about in darkness under Tartarus. + +Strep. Why then does their rump look toward heaven? + +Dis. It is getting taught astronomy alone by itself. + +[Turning to the pupils.] + +But go in, lest he meet with us. + +Strep. Not yet, not yet; but let them remain, that I may +communicate to them a little matter of my own. + +Dis. It is not permitted to them to remain without in +the open air for a very long time. + +[The pupils retire.] + +Strep. (discovering a variety of mathematical +instruments) Why, what is this, in the name of heaven? +Tell me. + +Dis. This is Astronomy. + +Strep. But what is this? + +Dis. Geometry. + +Strep. What then is the use of this? + +Dis. To measure out the land. + +Strep.What belongs to an allotment? + +Dis. No, but the whole earth. + +Strep. You tell me a clever notion; for the contrivance +is democratic and useful. + +Dis. (pointing to a map) See, here's a map of the whole +earth. Do you see? This is Athens. + +Strep. What say you? I don't believe you; for I do not +see the Dicasts sitting. + +Dis. Be assured that this is truly the Attic territory. + +Strep. Why, where are my fellow-tribesmen of Cicynna? + +Dis. Here they are. And Euboea here, as you see, is +stretched out a long way by the side of it to a great +distance. + +Strep. I know that; for it was stretched by us and +Pericles. But where is Lacedaemon? + +Dis. Where is it? Here it is. + +Strep. How near it is to us! Pay great attention to +this, to remove it very far from us. + +Dis. By Jupiter, it is not possible. + +Strep. Then you will weep for it. + +[Looking up and discovering Socrates.] + +Come, who is this man who is in the basket? + +Dis. Himself. + +Strep. Who's "Himself"? + +Dis. Socrates. + +Strep. O Socrates! Come, you sir, call upon him loudly +for me. + +Dis. Nay, rather, call him yourself; for I have no +leisure. + +[Exit Disciple.] + +Strep. Socrates! My little Socrates! + +Socrates. Why callest thou me, thou creature of a day? + +Strep. First tell me, I beseech you, what are you doing. + +Soc. I am walking in the air, and speculating about the +sun. + +Strep. And so you look down upon the gods from your +basket, and not from the earth? + +Soc. For I should not have rightly discovered things +celestial if I had not suspended the intellect, and +mixed the thought in a subtle form with its kindred air. +But if, being on the ground, I speculated from below on +things above, I should never have discovered them. For +the earth forcibly attracts to itself the meditative +moisture. Water-cresses also suffer the very same thing. + +Strep. What do you say? Does meditation attract the +moisture to the water-cresses? Come then, my little +Socrates, descend to me, that you may teach me those +things, for the sake of which I have come. + +[Socrates lowers himself and gets out of the basket.] + +Soc. And for what did you come? + +Strep. Wishing to learn to speak; for by reason of +usury, and most ill-natured creditors, I am pillaged and +plundered, and have my goods seized for debt. + +Soc. How did you get in debt without observing it? + +Strep. A horse-disease consumed me--terrible at eating. +But teach me the other one of your two causes, that +which pays nothing; and I will swear by the gods, I will +pay down to you whatever reward you exact of me. + +Soc. By what gods will you swear? For, in the first +place, gods are not a current coin with us. + +Strep. By what do you swear? By iron money, as in +Byzantium? + +Soc. Do you wish to know clearly celestial matters, what +they rightly are? + +Strep. Yes, by Jupiter, if it be possible! + +Soc. And to hold converse with the Clouds, our +divinities? + +Strep. By all means. + +Soc. (with great solemnity). Seat yourself, then, upon +the sacred couch. + +Strep. Well, I am seated! + +Soc. Take, then, this chaplet. + +Strep. For what purpose a chaplet? Ah me! Socrates, see +that you do not sacrifice me like Athamas! + +Strep. No; we do all these to those who get initiated. + +Strep. Then what shall I gain, pray? + +Soc. You shall become in oratory a tricky knave, a +thorough rattle, a subtle speaker. But keep quiet. + +Strep. By Jupiter! You will not deceive me; for if I am +besprinkled, I shall become fine flour. + +Soc. It becomes the old man to speak words of good omen, +and to hearken to my prayer. O sovereign King, +immeasurable Air, who keepest the earth suspended, and +through bright Aether, and ye august goddesses, the +Clouds, sending thunder and lightning, arise, appear in +the air, O mistresses, to your deep thinker! + +Strep. Not yet, not yet, till I wrap this around me lest +I be wet through. To think of my having come from home +without even a cap, unlucky man! + +Soc. Come then, ye highly honoured Clouds, for a display +to this man. Whether ye are sitting upon the sacred +snow-covered summits of Olympus, or in the gardens of +Father Ocean form a sacred dance with the Nymphs, or +draw in golden pitchers the streams of the waters of the +Nile, or inhabit the Maeotic lake, or the snowy rock of +Mimas, hearken to our prayer, and receive the sacrifice, +and be propitious to the sacred rites. + +[The following song is heard at a distance, accompanied +by loud claps of thunder.] + +Chorus. Eternal Clouds! Let us arise to view with our +dewy, clear-bright nature, from loud-sounding Father +Ocean to the wood-crowned summits of the lofty +mountains, in order that we may behold clearly the +far-seen watch-towers, and the fruits, and the +fostering, sacred earth, and the rushing sounds of the +divine rivers, and the roaring, loud-sounding sea; for +the unwearied eye of Aether sparkles with glittering +rays. Come, let us shake off the watery cloud from our +immortal forms and survey the earth with far-seeing eye. + +Soc. O ye greatly venerable Clouds, ye have clearly +heard me when I called. + +[Turning to Strepsiades.] + +Did you hear the voice, and the thunder which bellowed +at the same time, feared as a god? + +Strep. I too worship you, O ye highly honoured, and am +inclined to reply to the thundering, so much do I +tremble at them and am alarmed. And whether it be +lawful, or be not lawful, I have a desire just now to +ease myself. + +Soc. Don't scoff, nor do what these poor-devil-poets do, +but use words of good omen, for a great swarm of +goddesses is in motion with their songs. + +Cho. Ye rain-bringing virgins, let us come to the +fruitful land of Pallas, to view the much-loved country +of Cecrops, abounding in brave men; where is reverence +for sacred rites not to be divulged; where the house +that receives the initiated is thrown open in holy +mystic rites; and gifts to the celestial gods; and +high-roofed temples, and statues; and most sacred +processions in honour of the blessed gods; and +well-crowned sacrifices to the gods, and feasts, at all +seasons; and with the approach of spring the Bacchic +festivity, and the rousings of melodious choruses, and +the loud-sounding music of flutes. + +Strep. Tell me, O Socrates, I beseech you, by Jupiter, +who are these that have uttered this grand song? Are +they some heroines? + +Soc. By no means; but heavenly Clouds, great divinities +to idle men; who supply us with thought and argument, +and intelligence and humbug, and circumlocution, and +ability to hoax, and comprehension. + +Strep. On this account therefore my soul, having heard +their voice, flutters, and already seeks to discourse +subtilely, and to quibble about smoke, and having +pricked a maxim with a little notion, to refute the +opposite argument. So that now I eagerly desire, if by +any means it be possible, to see them palpably. + +Soc. Look, then, hither, toward Mount Parnes; for now I +behold them descending gently. + +Strep. Pray where? Show me. + +Soc. See! There they come in great numbers through the +hollows and thickets; there, obliquely. + +Strep. What's the matter? For I can't see them. + +Soc. By the entrance. + +[Enter Chorus] + +Strep. Now at length with difficulty I just see them. + +Soc. Now at length you assuredly see them, unless you +have your eyes running pumpkins. + +Strep. Yes, by Jupiter! O highly honoured Clouds, for +now they cover all things. + +Soc. Did you not, however, know, nor yet consider, these +to be goddesses? + +Strep. No, by Jupiter! But I thought them to be mist, +and dew, and smoke. + +Soc. For you do not know, by Jupiter! that these feed +very many sophists, Thurian soothsayers, practisers of +medicine, lazy-long-haired-onyx-ring-wearers, +song-twisters for the cyclic dances, and meteorological +quacks. They feed idle people who do nothing, because +such men celebrate them in verse. + +Strep. For this reason, then, they introduced into their +verses "the dreadful impetuosity of the moist, +whirling-bright clouds"; and the "curls of +hundred-headed Typho"; and the "hard-blowing tempests"; +and then "aerial, moist"; "crooked-clawed birds, +floating in air"' and "the showers of rain from dewy +Clouds." And then, in return for these, they swallow +"slices of great, fine mullets, and bird's-flesh of +thrushes." + +Soc. Is it not just, however, that they should have +their reward, on account of these? + +Strep. Tell me, pray, if they are really clouds, what +ails them, that they resemble mortal women? For they are +not such. + +Soc. Pray, of what nature are they? + +Strep. I do not clearly know: at any rate they resemble +spread-out fleeces, and not women, by Jupiter! Not a +bit; for these have noses. + +Soc. Answer, then, whatever I ask you. + +Strep. Then say quickly what you wish. + +Soc. Have you ever, when you; looked up, seen a cloud +like to a centaur, or a panther, or a wolf, or a bull? + +Strep. By Jupiter, have I! But what of that? + +Soc. They become all things, whatever they please. And +then if they see a person with long hair, a wild one of +these hairy fellows, like the son of Xenophantes, in +derision of his folly, they liken themselves to +centaurs. + +Strep. Why, what, if they should see Simon, a plunderer +of the public property, what do they do? + +Soc. They suddenly become wolves, showing up his +disposition. + +Strep. For this reason, then, for this reason, when they +yesterday saw Cleonymus the recreant, on this account +they became stags, because they saw this most cowardly +fellow. + +Soc. And now too, because they saw Clisthenes, you +observe, on this account they became women. + +Strep. Hail therefore, O mistresses! And now, if ever ye +did to any other, to me also utter a voice reaching to +heaven, O all-powerful queens. + +Cho. Hail, O ancient veteran, hunter after learned +speeches! And thou, O priest of most subtle trifles! +Tell us what you require? For we would not hearken to +any other of the recent meteorological sophists, except +to Prodicus; to him, on account of his wisdom and +intelligence; and to you, because you walk proudly in +the streets, and cast your eyes askance, and endure many +hardships with bare feet, and in reliance upon us +lookest supercilious. + +Strep. O Earth, what a voice! How holy and dignified and +wondrous! + +Soc. For, in fact, these alone are goddesses; and all +the rest is nonsense. + +Strep. But come, by the Earth, is not Jupiter, the +Olympian, a god? + +Soc. What Jupiter? Do not trifle. There is no Jupiter. + +Strep. What do you say? Who rains then? For first of all +explain this to me. + +Soc. These to be sure. I will teach you it by powerful +evidence. Come, where have you ever seen him raining at +any time without Clouds? And yet he ought to rain in +fine weather, and these be absent. + +Strep. By Apollo, of a truth you have rightly confirmed +this by your present argument. And yet, before this, I +really thought that Jupiter caused the rain. But tell me +who is it that thunders. This makes me tremble. + +Soc. These, as they roll, thunder. + +Strep. In what way? you all-daring man! + +Soc. When they are full of much water, and are compelled +to be borne along, being necessarily precipitated when +full of rain, then they fall heavily upon each other and +burst and clap. + +Strep. Who is it that compels them to borne along? Is it +not Jupiter? + +Soc. By no means, but aethereal Vortex. + +Strep. Vortex? It had escaped my notice that Jupiter did +not exist, and that Vortex now reigned in his stead. But +you have taught me nothing as yet concerning the clap +and the thunder. + +Soc. Have you not heard me, that I said that the Clouds, +when full of moisture, dash against each other and clap +by reason of their density? + +Strep. Come, how am I to believe this? + +Soc. I'll teach you from your own case. Were you ever, +after being stuffed with broth at the Panathenaic +festival, then disturbed in your belly, and did a +tumult suddenly rumble through it? + +Strep. Yes, by Apollo! And immediately the little broth +plays the mischief with me, and is disturbed and rumbles +like thunder, and grumbles dreadfully: at first gently +pappax, pappax; and then it adds papa-pappax; and +finally, it thunders downright papapappax, as they do. + +Soc. Consider, therefore, how you have trumpeted from a +little belly so small; and how is it not probable that +this air, being boundless, should thunder so loudly? + +Strep. For this reason, therefore, the two names also +Trump and Thunder, are similar to each other. But teach +me this, whence comes the thunderbolt blazing with fire, +and burns us to ashes when it smites us, and singes +those who survive. For indeed Jupiter evidently hurls +this at the perjured. + +Soc. Why, how then, you foolish person, and savouring of +the dark ages and antediluvian, if his manner is to +smite the perjured, does he not blast Simon, and +Cleonymus, and Theorus? And yet they are very perjured. +But he smites his own temple, and Sunium the promontory +of Athens, and the tall oaks. Wherefore, for indeed an +oak does not commit perjury. + +Strep. I do not know; but you seem to speak well.For +what, pray, is the thunderbolt? + +Soc. When a dry wind, having been raised aloft, is +inclosed in these Clouds, it inflates them within, like +a bladder; and then, of necessity, having burst them, it +rushes out with vehemence by reason of its density, +setting fire to itself through its rushing and +impetuosity. + +Strep. By Jupiter, of a truth I once experienced this +exactly at the Diasian festival! I was roasting a +haggis for my kinsfolk, and through neglect I did not +cut it open; but it became inflated and then suddenly +bursting, befouled my eyes and burned my face. + +Cho. O mortal, who hast desired great wisdom from us! +How happy will you become among the Athenians and among +the Greeks, if you be possessed of a good memory, and be +a deep thinker, and endurance of labour be implanted in +your soul, and you be not wearied either by standing or +walking, nor be exceedingly vexed at shivering with +cold, nor long to break your fast, and you refrain from +wine, and gymnastics, and the other follies, and +consider this the highest excellence, as is proper a +clever man should, to conquer by action and counsel, and +by battling with your tongue. + +Strep. As far as regards a sturdy spirit, and care that +makes one's bed uneasy, and a frugal spirit and +hard-living and savory-eating belly, be of good courage +and don't trouble yourself; I would offer myself to +hammer on, for that matter. + +Soc. Will you not, pray, now believe in no god, except +what we believe in--this Chaos, and the Clouds, and the +Tongue--these three? + +Strep. Absolutely I would not even converse with the +others, not even if I met them; nor would I sacrifice to +them, nor make libations, nor offer frankincense. + +Cho. Tell us then boldly, what we must do for you? For +you shall not fail in getting it, if you honour and +admire us, and seek to become clever. + +Strep. O mistresses, I request of you then this very +small favour, that I be the best of the Greeks in +speaking by a hundred stadia. + +Cho. Well, you shall have this from us, so that +hence-forward from this time no one shall get more +opinions passed in the public assemblies than you. + +Strep. Grant me not to deliver important opinions; for I +do not desire these, but only to pervert the right for +my own advantage, and to evade my creditors. + +Cho. Then you shall obtain what you desire; for you do +not covet great things. But commit yourself without fear +to our ministers. + +Strep. I will do so in reliance upon you, for necessity +oppresses me, on account of the blood-horses, and the +marriage that ruined me. Now, therefore, let them use me +as they please. I give up this body to them to be +beaten, to be hungered, to be troubled with thirst, to +be squalid, to shiver with cold, to flay into a leathern +bottle, if I shall escape clear from my debts, and +appear to men to be bold, glib of tongue, audacious, +impudent, shameless, a fabricator of falsehoods, +inventive of words, a practiced knave in lawsuits, a +law-tablet, a thorough rattle, a fox, a sharper, a +slippery knave, a dissembler, a slippery fellow, an +impostor, a gallows-bird, a blackguard, a twister, a +troublesome fellow, a licker-up of hashes. If they call +me this, when they meet me, let them do to me absolutely +what they please. And if they like, by Ceres, let them +serve up a sausage out of me to the deep thinkers. + +Cho. This man has a spirit not void of courage, but +prompt. Know, that if you learn these matters from me, +you will possess among mortals a glory as high as +heaven. + +Strep. What shall I experience? + +Cho. You shall pass with me the most enviable of mortal +lives the whole time. + +Strep. Shall I then ever see this? + +Cho. Yea, so that many be always seated at your gates, +wishing to communicate with you and come to a conference +with you, to consult with you as to actions and +affidavits of many talents, as is worthy of your +abilities. + +[To Socrates.] + +But attempt to teach the old man by degrees whatever you +purpose, and scrutinize his intellect, and make trial of +his mind. + +Soc. Come now, tell me your own turn of mind; in order +that, when I know of what sort it is, I may now, after +this, apply to you new engines. + +Strep. What? By the gods, do you purpose to besiege me? + +Soc. No; I wish to briefly learn from you if you are +possessed of a good memory. + +Strep. In two ways, by Jove! If anything be owing to me, +I have a very good memory; but if I owe unhappy man, I +am very forgetful. + +Soc. Is the power of speaking, pray, implanted in your +nature? + +Strep. Speaking is not in me, but cheating is. + +Soc. How, then, will you be able to learn? + +Strep. Excellently, of course. + +Soc. Come, then, take care that, whenever I propound any +clever dogma about abstruse matters, you catch it up +immediately. + +Strep. What then? Am I to feed upon wisdom like a dog? + +Soc. This man is ignorant and brutish--I fear, old man, +lest you will need blows. Come, let me see; what do you +do if any one beat you? + +Strep. I take the beating; and then, when I have waited +a little while, I call witnesses to prove it; then +again, after a short interval, I go to law. + +Soc. Come, then, lay down your cloak. + +Strep. Have I done any wrong? + +Soc. No; but it is the rule to enter naked. + +Strep. But I do not enter to search for stolen goods. + +Soc. Lay it down. Why do you talk nonsense? + +Strep. Now tell me this, pray. If I be diligent and +learn zealously, to which of your disciples shall I +become like? + +Soc. You will no way differ from Chaerephon in +intellect. + +Strep. Ah me, unhappy! I shall become half-dead. + +Soc. Don't chatter; but quickly follow me hither with +smartness. + +Strep. Then give me first into my hands a honeyed cake; +for I am afraid of descending within, as if into the +cave of Trophonius. + +Soc. Proceed; why do you keep poking about the door? + +[Exeunt Socrates and Strepsiades] + +Cho. Well, go in peace, for the sake of this your +valour. May prosperity attend the man, because, being +advanced into the vale of years, he imbues his intellect +with modern subjects, and cultivates wisdom! + +[Turning to the audience.] + +Spectators, I will freely declare to you the truth, by +Bacchus, who nurtured me! So may I conquer, and be +accounted skillful, as that, deeming you to be clever +spectators, and this to be the cleverest of my comedies, +I thought proper to let you first taste that comedy, +which gave me the greatest labour. And then I retired +from the contest defeated by vulgar fellows, though I +did not deserve it. These things, therefore, I object to +you, a learned audience, for whose sake I was expending +this labour. But not even thus will I ever willingly +desert the discerning portion of you. For since what +time my Modest Man and my Rake were very highly praised +here by an audience, with whom it is a pleasure even to +hold converse, and I (for I was still a virgin, and it +was not lawful for me as yet to have children) exposed +my offspring, and another girl took it up, and owned it, +and you generously reared and educated it, from this +time I have had sure pledges of your good will toward +me. Now, therefore, like that well-known Electra, has +this comedy come seeking, if haply it meet with an +audience so clever, for it will recognize, if it should +see, the lock of its brother. But see how modest she is +by nature, who, in the first place, has come, having +stitched to her no leathern phallus hanging down, red at +the top, and thick, to set the boys a laughing; nor yet +jeered the bald-headed, nor danced the cordax; nor does +the old man who speaks the verses beat the person near +him with his staff, keeping out of sight wretched +ribaldry; nor has she rushed in with torches, nor does +she shout iou, iou; but has come relying on herself and +her verses. And I, although so excellent a poet, do not +give myself airs, nor do I seek to deceive you by twice +and thrice bringing forward the same pieces; but I am +always clever at introducing new fashions, not at all +resembling each other, and all of them clever; who +struck Cleon in the belly when at the height of his +power, and could not bear to attack him afterward when +he was down. But these scribblers, when once Hyperbolus +has given them a handle, keep ever trampling on this +wretched man and his mother. Eupolis, indeed, first of +all craftily introduced his Maricas, having basely, base +fellow, spoiled by altering my play of the Knights, +having added to it, for the sake of the cordax, a +drunken old woman, whom Phrynichus long ago poetized, +whom the whale was for devouring. Then again Hermippus +made verses on Hyperbolus; and now all others press hard +upon Hyperbolus, imitating my simile of the eels. +Whoever, therefore, laughs at these, let him not take +pleasure in my attempts; but if you are delighted with +me and my inventions, in times to come you will seem to +be wise. + + + + I first invoke, to join our choral band, the mighty +Jupiter, ruling on high, the monarch of gods; and the +potent master of the trident, the fierce upheaver of +earth and briny sea; and our father of great renown, +most august Aether, life-supporter of all; and the +horse-guider, who fills the plain of the earth with +exceeding bright beams, a mighty deity among gods and +mortals. + + + + Most clever spectators, come, give us your attention; +for having been injured, we blame you to your faces. For +though we benefit the state most of all the gods, to us +alone of the deities you do not offer sacrifice nor yet +pour libations, who watch over you. For if there should +be any expedition without prudence, then we either +thunder or drizzle small rain. And then, when you were +for choosing as your general the Paphlagonian tanner, +hateful to the gods, we contracted our brows and were +enraged; and thunder burst through the lightning; and +the Moon forsook her usual paths; and the Sun +immediately drew in his wick to himself, and declared he +would not give you light, if Cleon should be your +general. Nevertheless you chose him. For they say that +ill counsel is in this city; that the gods, however, +turn all these your mismanagements to a prosperous +issue. And how this also shall be advantageous, we will +easily teach you. If you should convict the cormorant +Cleon of bribery and embezzlement, and then make fast +his neck in the stocks, the affair will turn out for the +state to the ancient form again, if you have mismanaged +in any way, and to a prosperous issue. + + + + Hear me again, King Phoebus, Delian Apollo, who +inhabitest the high-peaked Cynthian rock! And thou, +blessed goddess, who inhabitest the all-golden house of +Ephesus, in which Lydian damsels greatly reverence +thee; and thou, our national goddess, swayer of the +aegis, Minerva, guardian of the city! And thou, reveler +Bacchus, who, inhabiting the Parnassian rock, sparklest +with torches, conspicuous among the Delphic Bacchanals! + + + +When we had got ready to set out hither, the Moon met +us, and commanded us first to greet the Athenians and +their allies; and then declared that she was angry, for +that she had suffered dreadful things, though she +benefits you all, not in words, but openly. In the first +place, not less than a drachma every month for torches; +so that also all, when they went out of an evening, were +wont to say, "Boy, don't buy a torch, for the moonlight +is beautiful." And she says she confers other benefits +on you, but that you do not observe the days at all +correctly, but confuse them up and down; so that she +says the gods are constantly threatening her, when they +are defrauded of their dinner, and depart home, not +having met with the regular feast according to the +number of the days. And then, when you ought to be +sacrificing, you are inflicting tortures and litigating. +And often, while we gods are observing a fast, when we +mourn for Memnon or Sarpedon, you are pouring libations +and laughing. For which reason Hyperbolus, having +obtained the lot this year to be Hieromnemon, was +afterward deprived by us gods of his crown; for thus he +will know better that he ought to spend the days of his +life according to the Moon. + +[Enter Socrates] + +Soc. By Respiration, and Chaos, and Air, I have not seen +any man so boorish, nor so impracticable, nor so stupid, +nor so forgetful; who, while learning some little petty +quibbles, forgets them before he has learned them. +Nevertheless I will certainly call him out here to the +light. Where is Strepsiades? Come forth with your couch. + +Strep. (from within). The bugs do not permit me to bring +it forth. + +Soc. Make haste and lay it down; and give me your +attention. + +[Enter Strepsiades] + +Strep. Very well. + +Soc. Come now; what do you now wish to learn first of +those things in none of which you have ever been +instructed? Tell me. About measures, or rhythms, or +verses? + +Strep. I should prefer to learn about measures; for it +is but lately I was cheated out of two choenices by a +meal-huckster. + +Soc. I do not ask you this, but which you account the +most beautiful measure; the trimetre or the tetrameter? + +Strep. Make a wager then with me, if the semisextarius +be not a tetrameter. + +Soc. Go to the devil! How boorish you are and dull of +learning. Perhaps you may be able to learn about +rhythms. + +Strep. But what good will rhythms do me for a living? + +Soc. In the first place, to be clever at an +entertainment, understanding what rhythm is for the +war-dance, and what, again, according to the dactyle. + +Strep. According to the dactyle? By Jove, but I know it! + +Soc. Tell me, pray. + +Strep. What else but this finger? Formerly, indeed, when +I was yet a boy, this here! + +Soc. You are boorish and stupid. + +Strep. For I do not desire, you wretch, to learn any of +these things. + +Soc. What then? + +Strep. That, that, the most unjust cause. + +Soc. But you must learn other things before these; +namely, what quadrupeds are properly masculine. + +Strep. I know the males, if I am not mad-krios, tragos, +tauros, kuon, alektryon. + +Soc. Do you see what you are doing? You are calling both +the female and the male alektryon in the same way. + +Strep. How, pray? Come, tell me. + +Soc. How? The one with you is alektryon, and the other +is alektryon also. + +Strep. Yea, by Neptune! How now ought I to call them? + +Soc. The one alektryaina and the other alektor. + +Strep. Alektryaina? Capital, by the Air! So that, in +return for this lesson alone, I will fill your kardopos +full of barley-meal on all sides. + +Soc. See! See! There again is another blunder! You make +kardopos, which is feminine, to be masculine. + +Strep. In what way do I make kardopos masculine? + +Soc. Most assuredly; just as if you were to say +Cleonymos. + +Strep. Good sir, Cleonymus had no kneading-trough, but +kneaded his bread in a round mortar. How ought I to call +it henceforth? + +Soc. How? Call it kardope, as you call Sostrate. + +Strep. Kardope in the feminine? + +Soc. For so you speak it rightly. + +Strep. But that would make it kardope, Kleonyme. + +Soc. You must learn one thing more about names, what are +masculine and what of them are feminine. + +Strep. I know what are female. + +Soc. Tell me, pray. + +Strep. Lysilla, Philinna, Clitagora, Demetria. + +Soc. What names are masculine? + +Strep. Thousands; Philoxenus, Melesias, Amynias. + +Soc. But, you wretch! These are not masculine. + +Strep. Are they not males with you? + +Soc. By no means; for how would you call Amynias, if you +met him? + +Strep. How would I call? Thus: "Come hither, come hither +Amynia!" + +Soc. Do you see ? You call Amynias a woman. + +Strep. Is it not then with justice, who does not serve +in the army? But why should I learn these things, that +we all know? + +Soc. It is no use, by Jupiter! Having reclined yourself +down here- + +Strep. What must I do? + +Soc. Think out some of your own affairs. + +Strep. Not here, pray, I beseech you; but, if I must, +suffer me to excogitate these very things on the ground. + +Soc. There is no other way. + +[Exit Socrates.] + +Strep. Unfortunate man that I am! What a penalty shall I +this day pay to the bugs! + +Cho. Now meditate and examine closely; and roll yourself +about in every way, having wrapped yourself up; and +quickly, when you fall into a difficulty, spring to +another mental contrivance. But let delightful sleep be +absent from your eyes. + +Strep. Attatai! Attatai! + +Cho. What ails you? Why are you distressed? + +Strep. Wretched man, I am perishing! The Corinthians, +coming out from the bed, are biting me, and devouring my +sides, and drinking up my life-blood, and tearing away +my flesh, and digging through my vitals, and will +annihilate me. + +Cho. Do not now be very grievously distressed. + +Strep. Why, how, when my money is gone, my complexion +gone, my life gone, and my slipper gone? And furthermore +in addition to these evils, with singing the +night-watches, I am almost gone myself. + +[Re-enter Socrates] + +Soc. Ho you! What are you about? Are you not meditating? + +Strep. I? Yea, by Neptune! + +Soc. And what, pray, have you thought? + +Strep. Whether any bit of me will be left by the bugs. + +Soc. You will perish most wretchedly. + +Strep. But, my good friend, I have already perished. + +Soc. You must not give in, but must wrap yourself up; +for you have to discover a device for abstracting, and a +means of cheating. + +[Walks up and down while Strepsiades wraps himself up in +the blankets.] + +Strep. Ah me! Would, pray, some one would throw over me +a swindling contrivance from the sheep-skins. + +Soc. Come now; I will first see this fellow, what he is +about. Ho you! Are you asleep? + +Strep. No, by Apollo, I am not! + +Soc. Have you got anything? + +Strep. No; by Jupiter, certainly not! + +Soc. Nothing at all? + +Strep. Nothing, except what I have in my right hand. + +Soc. Will you not quickly cover yourself up and think of +something? + +Strep. About what? For do you tell me this, O Socrates! + +Soc. Do you, yourself, first find out and state what you +wish. + +Strep. You have heard a thousand times what I wish. +About the interest; so that I may pay no one. + +Soc. Come then, wrap yourself up, and having given your +mind play with subtilty, revolve your affairs by little +and little, rightly distinguishing and examining. + +Strep. Ah me, unhappy man! + +Soc. Keep quiet; and if you be puzzled in any one of +your conceptions, leave it and go; and then set your +mind in motion again, and lock it up. + +Strep. (in great glee). O dearest little Socrates! + +Soc. What, old man? + +Strep. I have got a device for cheating them of the +interest. + +Soc. Exhibit it. + +Strep. Now tell me this, pray; if I were to purchase a +Thessalian witch, and draw down the moon by night, and +then shut it up, as if it were a mirror, in a round +crest-case, and then carefully keep it- + +Soc. What good, pray, would this do you? + +Strep. What? If the moon were to rise no longer +anywhere, I should not pay the interest. + +Soc. Why so, pray? + +Strep. Because the money is lent out by the month. + +Soc. Capital! But I will again propose to you another +clever question. If a suit of five talents should be +entered against you, tell me how you would obliterate +it. + +Strep. How? How? I do not know but I must seek. + +Soc. Do not then always revolve your thoughts about +yourself; but slack away your mind into the air, like a +cock-chafer tied with a thread by the foot. + +Strep. I have found a very clever method of getting rid +of my suit, so that you yourself would acknowledge it. + +Soc. Of what description? + +Strep. Have you ever seen this stone in the chemist's +shops, the beautiful and transparent one, from which +they kindle fire? + +Soc. Do you mean the burning-glass? + +Strep. I do. Come what would you say, pray, if I were to +take this, when the clerk was entering the suit, and +were to stand at a distance, in the direction of the +sun, thus, and melt out the letters of my suit? + +Soc. Cleverly done, by the Graces! + +Strep. Oh! How I am delighted, that a suit of five +talents has been cancelled! + +Soc. Come now, quickly seize upon this. + +Strep. What? + +Soc. How, when engaged in a lawsuit, you could overturn +the suit, when you were about to be cast, because you +had no witnesses. + +Strep. Most readily and easily. + +Soc. Tell me, pray. + +Strep. Well now, I'll tell you. If, while one suit was +still pending, before mine was called on, I were to run +away and hang myself. + +Soc. You talk nonsense. + +Strep. By the gods, would I! For no one will bring +action against me when I am dead. + +Soc. You talk nonsense. Begone; I can't teach you any +longer. + +Strep. Why so? Yea, by the gods, O Socrates! + +Soc. You straightaway forget whatever you learn. For +what now was the first thing you were taught? Tell me. + +Strep. Come, let me see: nay, what was the first? What +was the fist? Nay, what was the thing in which we knead +our flour? Ah me! What was it? + +Soc. Will you not pack off to the devil, you most +forgetful and most stupid old man? + +Strep. Ah me, what then, pray will become of me, +wretched man? For I shall be utterly undone, if I do not +learn to ply the tongue. Come, O ye Clouds, give me some +good advice. + +Cho. We, old man, advise you, if you have a son grown +up, to send him to learn in your stead. + +Strep. Well, I have a fine, handsome son, but he is not +willing to learn. What must I do? + +Cho. But do you permit him? + +Strep. Yes, for he is robust in body, and in good +health, and is come of the high-plumed dames of Coesyra. +I will go for him, and if he be not willing, I will +certainly drive him from my house. + +[To Socrates.] + +Go in and wait for me a short time. + +[Exit] + +Cho. Do you perceive that you are soon to obtain the +greatest benefits through us alone of the gods? For this +man is ready to do everything that you bid him. But you, +while the man is astounded and evidently elated, having +perceived it, will quickly fleece him to the best of +your power. + +[Exit Socrates] + +For matters of this sort are somehow accustomed to turn +the other way. + +[Enter Strepsiades and Phidippides] + +Strep. By Mist, you certainly shall not stay here any +longer! But go and gnaw the columns of Megacles. + +Phid. My good sir, what is the matter with you, O +father? You are not in your senses, by Olympian Jupiter! + +Strep. See, see, "Olympian Jupiter!" What folly! To +think of your believing in Jupiter, as old as you are! + +Phid. Why, pray, did you laugh at this? + +Strep. Reflecting that you are a child, and have +antiquated notions. Yet, however, approach, that you may +know more; and I will tell you a thing, by learning +which you will be a man. But see that you do not teach +this to any one. + +Phid. Well, what is it? + +Strep. You swore now by Jupiter. + +Phid. I did. + +Strep. Seest thou, then, how good a thing is learning? +There is no Jupiter, O Phidippides! + +Phid. Who then? + +Strep. Vortex reigns, having expelled Jupiter. + +Phid. Bah! Why do you talk foolishly? + +Strep. Be assured that it is so. + +Phid. Who says this? + +Strep. Socrates the Melian, and Chaerephon, who knows +the footmarks of fleas. + +Phid. Have you arrived at such a pitch of frenzy that +you believe madmen? + +Strep. Speak words of good omen, and say nothing bad of +clever men and wise; of whom, through frugality, none +ever shaved or anointed himself, or went to a bath to +wash himself; while you squander my property in bathing, +as if I were already dead. But go as quickly as possible +and learn instead of me. + +Phid. What good could any one learn from them? + +Strep. What, really? Whatever wisdom there is among men. +And you will know yourself, how ignorant and stupid you +are. But wait for me here a short time. + +[Runs off] + +Phid. Ah me! What shall I do, my father being crazed? +Shall I bring him into court and convict him of lunacy, +or shall I give information of his madness to the +coffin-makers? + +[Re-enter Strepsiades with a cock under one arm and a +hen under the other] + +Strep. Come, let me see; what do you consider this to +be? Tell me. + +Phid. Alectryon. + +Strep. Right. And what this? + +Phid. Alectryon. + +Strep. Both the same? You are very ridiculous. Do not do +so, then, for the future; but call this alektryaina, and +this one alektor. + +Phid. Alektryaina! Did you learn these clever things by +going in just now to the Titans? + +Strep. And many others too; but whatever I learned on +each occasion I used to forget immediately, through +length of years. + +Phid. Is it for this reason, pray, that you have also +lost your cloak? + +Strep. I have not lost it; but have studied it away. + +Phid. What have you made of your slippers, you foolish +man? + +Strep. I have expended them, like Pericles, for needful +purposes. Come, move, let us go. And then if you obey +your father, go wrong if you like. I also know that I +formerly obeyed you, a lisping child of six years old, +and bought you a go-cart at the Diasia, with the first +obolus I received from the Heliaea. + +Phid. You will assuredly some time at length be grieved +at this. + +Strep. It is well done of you that you obeyed. Come +hither, come hither O Socrates! Come forth, for I bring +to you this son of mine, having persuaded him against +his will. + +[Enter Socrates] + +Soc. For he is still childish, and not used to the +baskets here. + +Phid. You would yourself be used to them if you were +hanged. + +Strep. A mischief take you! Do you abuse your teacher? + +Soc. "Were hanged" quoth 'a! How sillily he pronounced +it, and with lips wide apart! How can this youth ever +learn an acquittal from a trial or a legal summons, or +persuasive refutation? And yet Hyperbolus learned this +at the cost of a talent. + +Strep. Never mind; teach him. He is clever by nature. +Indeed, from his earliest years, when he was a little +fellow only so big, he was wont to form houses and carve +ships within-doors, and make little wagons of leather, +and make frogs out of pomegranate-rinds, you can't think +how cleverly. But see that he learns those two causes; +the better, whatever it may be; and the worse, which, by +maintaining what is unjust, overturns the better. If not +both, at any rate the unjust one by all means. + +Soc. He shall learn it himself from the two causes in +person. + +[Exit Socrates] + +Strep. I will take my departure. Remember this now, that +he is to be able to reply to all just arguments. + +[Exit Strepsiades and enter Just Cause and Unjust Cause] + +Just Cause. Come hither! Show yourself to the +spectators, although being audacious. + +Unjust Cause. Go whither you please; for I shall far +rather do for you, if I speak before a crowd. + +Just. You destroy me? Who are you? + +Unj. A cause. + +Just. Ay, the worse. + +Unj. But I conquer you, who say that you are better than +I. + +Just. By doing what clever trick? + +Unj. By discovering new contrivances. + +Just. For these innovations flourish by the favour of +these silly persons. + +Unj. No; but wise persons. + +Just I will destroy you miserably. + +Unj. Tell me, by doing what? + +Just By speaking what is just. + +Unj. But I will overturn them by contradicting them; for +I deny that justice even exists at all. + +Just Do you deny that it exists? + +Unj. For come, where is it? + +Just With the gods. + +Unj. How, then, if justice exists, has Jupiter not +perished, who bound his own father? + +Just Bah! This profanity now is spreading! Give me a +basin. + +Unj. You are a dotard and absurd. + +Just You are debauched and shameless. + +Unj. You have spoken roses of me. + +Just And a dirty lickspittle. + +Unj. You crown me with lilies. + +Just And a parricide. + +Unj. You don't know that you are sprinkling me with +gold. + +Just Certainly not so formerly, but with lead. + +Unj. But now this is an ornament to me. + +Just You are very impudent. + +Unj. And you are antiquated. + +Just And through you, no one of our youths is willing to +go to school; and you will be found out some time or +other by the Athenians, what sort of doctrines you teach +the simple-minded. + +Unj. You are shamefully squalid. + +Just And you are prosperous. And yet formerly you were a +beggar saying that you were the Mysian Telephus, and +gnawing the maxims of Pandeletus out of your little +wallet. + +Unj. Oh, the wisdom-- + +Just Oh, the madness-- + +Unj. Which you have mentioned. + +Just And of your city, which supports you who ruin her +youths. + +Unj. You shan't teach this youth, you old dotard. + +Just Yes, if he is to be saved, and not merely to +practise loquacity. + +Unj. (to Phidippides) Come hither, and leave him to +rave. + +Just You shall howl, if you lay your hand on him. + +Cho. Cease from contention and railing. But show to us, +you, what you used to teach the men of former times, and +you, the new system of education; in order that, having +heard you disputing, he may decide and go to the school +of one or the other. + +Just. I am willing to do so. + +Unj. I also am willing. + +Cho. Come now, which of the two shall speak first? + +Unj. I will give him the precedence; and then, from +these things which he adduces, I will shoot him dead +with new words and thoughts. And at last, if he mutter, +he shall be destroyed, being stung in his whole face and +his two eyes by my maxims, as if by bees. + +Cho. Now the two, relying on very dexterous arguments +and thoughts, and sententious maxims, will show which of +them shall appear superior in argument. For now the +whole crisis of wisdom is here laid before them; about +which my friends have a very great contest. But do you, +who adorned our elders with many virtuous manners, utter +the voice in which you rejoice, and declare your nature. + +Just. I will, therefore, describe the ancient system of +education, how it was ordered, when I flourished in the +advocacy of justice, and temperance was the fashion. In +the first place it was incumbent that no one should hear +the voice of a boy uttering a syllable; and next, that +those from the same quarter of the town should march in +good order through the streets to the school of the +harp-master, naked, and in a body, even if it were to +snow as thick as meal. Then again, their master would +teach them, not sitting cross-legged, to learn by rote a +song, either "pallada persepolin deinan" or "teleporon +ti boama" raising to a higher pitch the harmony which +our fathers transmitted to us. But if any of them were +to play the buffoon, or to turn any quavers, like these +difficult turns the present artists make after the +manner of Phrynis, he used to be thrashed, being beaten +with many blows, as banishing the Muses. And it behooved +the boys, while sitting in the school of the +Gymnastic-master, to cover the thigh, so that they might +exhibit nothing indecent to those outside; then again, +after rising from the ground, to sweep the sand +together, and to take care not to leave an impression of +the person for their lovers. And no boy used in those +days to anoint himself below the navel; so that their +bodies wore the appearance of blooming health. Nor used +he to go to his lover, having made up his voice in an +effeminate tone, prostituting himself with his eyes. Nor +used it to be allowed when one was dining to take the +head of the radish, or to snatch from their seniors dill +or parsley, or to eat fish, or to giggle, or to keep the +legs crossed. + +Unj. Aye, antiquated and dipolia-like and full of +grasshoppers, and of Cecydes, and of the Buphonian +festival! + +Just Yet certainly these are those principles by which +my system of education nurtured the men who fought at +Marathon. But you teach the men of the present day, so +that I am choked, when at the Panathenaia a fellow, +holding his shield before his person, neglects +Tritogenia, when they ought to dance. Wherefore, O +youth, choose with confidence, me, the better cause, and +you will learn to hate the Agora, and to refrain from +baths, and to be ashamed of what is disgraceful, and to +be enraged if any one jeer you, and to rise up from +seats before your seniors when they approach, and not to +behave ill toward your parents, and to do nothing else +that is base, because you are to form in your mind an +image of Modesty: and not to dart into the house of a +dancing-woman, lest, while gaping after these things, +being struck with an apple by a wanton, you should be +damaged in your reputation: and not to contradict your +father in anything; nor by calling him Iapetus, to +reproach him with the ills of age, by which you were +reared in your infancy. + +Unj. If you shall believe him in this, O youth, by +Bacchus, you will be like the sons of Hippocrates, and +they will call you a booby. + +Just. Yet certainly shall you spend your time in the +gymnastic schools, sleek and blooming; not chattering in +the market-place rude jests, like the youths of the +present day; nor dragged into court for a petty suit, +greedy, pettifogging, knavish; but you shall descend to +the Academy and run races beneath the sacred olives +along with some modest compeer, crowned with white +reeds, redolent of yew, and careless ease, of +leaf-shedding white poplar, rejoicing in the season of +spring, when the plane-tree whispers to the elm. If you +do these things which I say, and apply your mind to +these, you will ever have a stout chest, a clear +complexion, broad shoulders, a little tongue, large +hips, little lewdness. But if you practise what the +youths of the present day do, you will have in the first +place, a pallid complexion, small shoulders, a narrow +chest, a large tongue, little hips, great lewdness, a +long psephism; and this deceiver will persuade you to +consider everything that is base to be honourable, and +what is honourable to be base; and in addition to this, +he will fill you with the lewdness of Antimachus. + +Cho. O thou that practisest most renowned high-towering +wisdom! How sweetly does a modest grace attend your +words! Happy, therefore, were they who lived in those +days, in the times of former men! In reply, then, to +these, O thou that hast a dainty-seeming Muse, it +behooveth thee to say something new; since the man has +gained renown. And it appears you have need of powerful +arguments against him, if you are to conquer the man and +not incur laughter. + +Unj. And yet I was choking in my heart, and was longing +to confound all these with contrary maxims. For I have +been called among the deep thinkers the "worse cause" on +this very account, that I first contrived how to speak +against both law and justice; and this art is worth more +than ten thousand staters, that one should choose the +worse cause, and nevertheless be victorious. But mark +how I will confute the system of education on which he +relies, who says, in the first place, that he will not +permit you to be washed with warm water. And yet, on +what principle do you blame the warm baths? + +Just. Because it is most vile, and makes a man cowardly. + +Unj. Stop! For immediately I seize and hold you by the +waist without escape. Come, tell me, which of the sons +of Jupiter do you deem to have been the bravest in soul, +and to have undergone most labours? + +Just. I consider no man superior to Hercules. + +Unj. Where, pray, did you ever see cold Herculean baths? +And yet, who was more valiant than he? + +Just. These are the very things which make the bath full +of youths always chattering all day long, but the +palaestras empty. + +Unj. You next find fault with their living in the +market-place; but I commend it. For if it had been bad, +Homer would never have been for representing Nestor as +an orator; nor all the other wise men. I will return, +then, from thence to the tongue, which this fellow says +our youths ought not to exercise, while I maintain they +should. And again, he says they ought to be modest: two +very great evils. For tell me to whom you have ever seen +any good accrue through modesty and confute me by your +words. + +Just. To many. Peleus, at any rate, received his sword +on account of it. + +Unj. A sword? Marry, he got a pretty piece of luck, the +poor wretch! While Hyperbolus, he of the lamps, got more +than many talents by his villainy, but by Jupiter, no +sword! + +Just. And Peleus married Thetis, too, through his +modesty. + +Unj. And then she went off and left him; for he was not +lustful, nor an agreeable bedfellow to spend the night +with. Now a woman delights in being wantonly treated. +But you are an old dotard. For (to Phidippides) +consider, O youth, all that attaches to modesty, and of +how many pleasures you are about to be deprived--of +women, of games at cottabus, of dainties, of +drinking-bouts, of giggling. And yet, what is life worth +to you if you be deprived of these enjoyments? Well, I +will pass from thence to the necessities of our nature. +You have gone astray, you have fallen in love, you have +been guilty of some adultery, and then have been caught. +You are undone, for you are unable to speak. But if you +associate with me, indulge your inclination, dance, +laugh, and think nothing disgraceful. For if you should +happen to be detected as an adulterer, you will make +this reply to him, " that you have done him no injury": +and then refer him to Jupiter, how even he is overcome +by love and women . And yet, how could you, who are a +mortal, have greater power than a god? + +Just. But what if he should suffer the radish through +obeying you, and be depillated with hot ashes? What +argument will he be able to state, to prove that he is +not a blackguard? + +Unj. And if he be a blackguard, what harm will he +suffer? + +Just. Nay, what could he ever suffer still greater than +this? + +Unj. What then will you say if you be conquered by me in +this? + +Just. I will be silent: what else can I do? + +Unj. Come, now, tell me; from what class do the +advocates come? + +Just. From the blackguards. + +Unj. I believe you. What then? From what class do +tragedians come? + +Just. From the blackguards. + +Unj. You say well. But from what class do the public +orators come? + +Just. From the blackguards. + +Unj. Then have you perceived that you say nothing to the +purpose? And look which class among the audience is the +more numerous. + +Just. Well now, I'm looking. + +Unj. What, then, do you see? + +Just. By the gods, the blackguards to be far more +numerous. This fellow, at any rate, I know; and him +yonder; and this fellow with the long hair. + +Unj. What, then, will you say? + +Just. We are conquered. Ye blackguards, by the gods, +receive my cloak, for I desert to you. + +[Exeunt the Two Causes, and re-enter Socrates and +Strepsiades.] + +Soc. What then? whether do you wish to take and lead +away this your son, or shall I teach him to speak? + +Strep. Teach him, and chastise him: and remember that +you train him properly; on the one side able for petty +suits; but train his other jaw able for the more +important causes. + +Soc. Make yourself easy; you shall receive him back a +clever sophist. + +Strep. Nay, rather, pale and wretched. + +[Exeunt Socrates, Strepsiades, and Phidippides.] + +Cho. Go ye, then: but I think that you will repent of +these proceedings. We wish to speak about the judges, +what they will gain, if at all they justly assist this +Chorus. For in the first place, if you wish to plough up +your fields in spring, we will rain for you first; but +for the others afterward. And then we will protect the +fruits, and the vines, so that neither drought afflict +them, nor excessive wet weather. But if any mortal +dishonour us who are goddesses, let him consider what +evils he will suffer at our hands, obtaining neither +wine nor anything else from his farm. For when his +olives and vines sprout, they shall be cut down; with +such slings will we smite them. And if we see him making +brick, we will rain; and we will smash the tiles of his +roof with round hailstones. And if he himself, or any +one of his kindred or friends, at any time marry, we +will rain the whole night; so he will probably wish +rather to have been even in Egypt than to have judged +badly. + +[Enter Strepsiades with a meal-sack on his shoulder.] + +Strep. The fifth, the fourth, the third, after this the +second; and then, of all the days I most fear, and +dread, and abominate, immediately after this there is +the Old and New. For every one to whom I happen to be +indebted, swears, and says he will ruin and destroy me, +having made his deposits against me; though I only ask +what is moderate and just-"My good sir, one part don't +take just now; the other part put off I pray; and the +other part remit"; they say that thus they will never +get back their money, but abuse me, as I am unjust, and +say they will go to law with me. Now therefore let them +go to law, for it little concerns me, if Phidippides has +learned to speak well. I shall soon know by knocking at +the thinking-shop. + +[Knocks at the door.] + +Boy, I say! Boy, boy! + +[Enter Socrates] + +Soc. Good morning, Strepsiades. + +Strep. The same to you. But first accept this present; +for one ought to compliment the teacher with a fee. And +tell me about my son, if he has learned that cause, +which you just now brought forward. + +Soc. He has learned it. + +Strep. Well done, O Fraud, all-powerful queen! + +Soc. So that you can get clear off from whatever suit +you please. + +Strep. Even if witnesses were present when I borrowed +the money? + +Soc. Yea, much more! Even if a thousand be present. + +Strep. Then I will shout with a very loud shout: Ho! +Weep, you petty-usurers, both you and your principals, +and your compound interests! For you can no longer do me +any harm, because such a son is being reared for me in +this house, shining with a double-edged tongue, for my +guardian, the preserver of my house, a mischief to my +enemies, ending the sadness of the great woes of his +father. Him do thou run and summon from within to me. + +[Socrates goes into the house.] + +O child! O son! Come forth from the house! Hear your +father! + +[Re-enter Socrates leading in Phidippides] + +Soc. Lo, here is the man! + +Strep. O my dear, my dear! + +Soc. Take your son and depart. + +[Exit Socrates.] + +Strep. Oh, oh, my child! Huzza! Huzza! How I am +delighted at the first sight of your complexion! Now, +indeed, you are, in the first place, negative and +disputatious to look at, and this fashion native to the +place plainly appears, the "what do you say?" and the +seeming to be injured when, I well know, you are +injuring and inflicting a wrong; and in your countenance +there is the Attic look. Now, therefore, see that you +save me, since you have also ruined me. + +Phid. What, pray, do you fear? + +Strep. The Old and New. + +Phid. Why, is any day old and new? + +Strep. Yes; on which they say that they will make their +deposits against me. + +Phid. Then those that have made them will lose them; for +it is not possible that two days can be one day. + +Strep. Can not it? + +Phid. Certainly not; unless the same woman can be both +old and young at the same time. + +Strep. And yet it is the law. + +Phid. For they do not, I think, rightly understand what +the law means. + +Strep. And what does it mean? + +Phid. The ancient Solon was by nature the commons' +friend. + +Strep.This surely is nothing whatever to the Old and +New. + +Phid. He therefore made the summons for two days, for +the Old and New, that the deposits might be made on the +first of the month. + +Strep. Why, pray, did he add the old day? + +Phid. In order, my good sir, that the defendants, being +present a day before, might compromise the matter of +their own accord; but if not, that they might be worried +on the morning of the new moon. + +Strep. Why, then, do the magistrates not receive the +deposits on the new moon, but on the Old and New? + +Phid. They seem to me to do what the forestallers do: in +order that they may appreciate the deposits as soon as +possible, on this account they have the first pick by +one day. + +Strep. (turning to the audience) Bravo! Ye wretches, why +do you sit senseless, the gain of us wise men, being +blocks, ciphers, mere sheep, jars heaped together, +wherefore I must sing an encomium upon myself and this +my son, on account of our good fortune. "O happy +Strepsiades! How wise you are yourself, and how +excellent is the son whom you are rearing!" My friends +and fellow-tribesmen will say of me, envying me, when +you prove victorious in arguing causes. But first I wish +to lead you in and entertain you. + +[Exeunt Strepsiades and Phidippides.] + +Pasias (entering with his summons-witness) Then, ought a +man to throw away any part of his own property? Never! +But it were better then at once to put away blushes, +rather than now to have trouble; since I am now dragging +you to be a witness, for the sake of my own money; and +further, in addition to this, I shall become an enemy to +my fellow-tribesman. But never, while I live, will I +disgrace my country, but will summon Strepsiades. + +Strep. (from within) Who's there? + +Pas. For the Old and New. + +Strep. I call you to witness, that he has named it for +two days. For what matter do you summon me? + +Pas. For the twelve minae, which you received when you +were buying the dapple-gray horse. + +Strep. A horse? Do you not hear? I, whom you all know to +hate horsemanship! + +Pas. And, by Jupiter! You swore by the gods too, that +you would repay it. + +Strep. Ay, by Jove! For then my Phidippides did not yet +know the irrefragable argument. + +Pas. And do you now intend, on this account, to deny the +debt? + +Strep. Why, what good should I get else from his +instruction? + +Pas. And will you be willing to deny these upon oath of +the gods? + +Strep. What gods? + +Pas. Jupiter, Mercury, and Neptune. + +Strep. Yes, by Jupiter! And would pay down, too, a +three-obol piece besides to swear. + +Pas. Then may you perish some day for your impudence! + +Strep. This man would be the better for it if he were +cleansed by rubbing with salt. + +Pas. Ah me, how you deride me! + +Strep. He will contain six choae. + + Pas. By great Jupiter and the gods, you certainly shall +not do this to me with impunity! + +Strep. I like your gods amazingly; and Jupiter, sworn +by, is ridiculous to the knowing ones. + + Pas. You will assuredly suffer punishment, some time or +other, for this. But answer and dismiss me, whether you +are going to repay me my money or not. + +Strep. Keep quiet now, for I will presently answer you +distinctly. + +[Runs into the house.] + +Pas. (to his summons-witness). What do you think he will +do? + +Witness. I think he will pay you. + +[Re-enter Strepsiades with a kneading-trough] + +Strep. Where is this man who asks me for his money? Tell +me what is this? + +Pas. What is this? A kardopos. + +Strep. And do you then ask me for your money, being such +an ignorant person? I would not pay, not even an obolus, +to any one who called the kardope kardopos. + +Pas. Then won't you pay me? + +Strep. Not, as far as I know. Will you not then pack off +as fast as possible from my door? + +Pas. I will depart; and be assured of this, that I will +make deposit against you, or may I live no longer! + +Strep. Then you will lose it besides, in addition to +your twelve minae. And yet I do not wish you to suffer +this, because you named the kardopos floolishly. + +[Exeunt Pasias and Witness, and enter Amynias] + +Amynias. Ah me! Ah me! + +Strep. Ha! Whoever is this, who is lamenting? Surely it +was not one of Carcinus' deities that spoke. + +Amyn. But why do you wish to know this, who I am?-A +miserable man. + +Strep. Then follow your own path. + +Amyn. O harsh fortune! O Fates, breaking the wheels of +my horses! O Pallas, how you have destroyed me! + +Strep. What evil, pray, has Tlepolemus ever done you? + +Amyn. Do not jeer me, my friend; but order your son to +pay me the money which he received; especially as I have +been unfortunate. + +Strep. What money is this? + +Amyn. That which he borrowed. + +Strep. Then you were really unlucky, as I think. + +Amyn. By the gods, I fell while driving my horses. + +Strep. Why, pray, do you talk nonsense, as if you had +fallen from an ass? + +Amyn. Do I talk nonsense if I wish to recover my money? + +Strep. You can't be in your senses yourself. + +Amyn. Why, pray? + +Strep. You appear to me to have had your brains shaken +as it were. + +Amyn. And you appear to me, by Hermes, to be going to be +summoned, if you will not pay me the money? + +Strep. Tell me now, whether you think that Jupiter +always rains fresh rain on each occasion, or that the +sun draws from below the same water back again? + +Amyn. I know not which; nor do I care. + +Strep. How then is it just that you should recover your +money, if you know nothing of meteorological matters? + +Amyn. Well, if you are in want, pay me the interest of +my money. + +Strep. What sort of animal is this interest? + +Amyn. Most assuredly the money is always becoming more +and more every month and every day as the time slips +away. + +Strep. You say well. What then? Is it possible that you +consider the sea to be greater now than formerly? + +Amyn. No, by Jupiter, but equal; for it is not fitting +that it should be greater. + +Strep. And how then, you wretch does this become no way +greater, though the rivers flow into it, while you seek +to increase your money? Will you not take yourself off +from my house? Bring me the goad. + +[Enter Servant with a goad.] + + Amyn. I call you to witness these things. + +Strep. (beating him). Go! Why do you delay? Won't you +march, Mr. Blood-horse? + +Amyn. Is not this an insult, pray? + +Strep. Will you move quickly? + + [Pricks him behind with the goad.] + +I'll lay on you, goading you behind, you outrigger? Do +you fly? + +[Amynias runs off.] + +I thought I should stir you, together with your wheels +and your two-horse chariots. + +[Exit Strepsiades.] + +Cho. What a thing it is to love evil courses! For this +old man, having loved them, wishes to withhold the money +that he borrowed. And he will certainly meet with +something today, which will perhaps cause this sophist +to suddenly receive some misfortune, in return for the +knaveries he has begun. For I think that he will +presently find what has been long boiling up, that his +son is skilful to speak opinions opposed to justice, so +as to overcome all with whomsoever he holds converse, +even if he advance most villainous doctrines; and +perhaps, perhaps his father will wish that he were even +speechless. + +Strep. (running out of the house pursued by his son) +Hollo! Hollo! O neighbours, and kinsfolk, and +fellow-tribesmen, defend me, by all means, who am being +beaten! Ah me, unhappy man, for my head and jaw! Wretch! +Do you beat your father? + +Phid. Yes, father. + +Strep. You see him owning that he beats me. + +Phid. Certainly. + +Strep. O wretch, and parricide, and house-breaker! + +Phid. Say the same things of me again, and more. Do you +know that I take pleasure in being much abused? + +Strep. You blackguard! + +Phid. Sprinkle me with roses in abundance. + +Strep. Do you beat your father? + +Phid. And will prove too, by Jupiter! that I beat you +with justice. + +Strep. O thou most rascally! Why, how can it be just to +beat a father? + +Phid. I will demonstrate it, and will overcome you in +argument. + +Strep. Will you overcome me in this? + +Phid. Yea, by much and easily. But choose which of the +two Causes you wish to speak. + +Strep. Of what two Causes? + +Phid. The better, or the worse? + +Strep. Marry, I did get you taught to speak against +justice, by Jupiter, my friend, if you are going to +persuade me of this, that it is just and honourable for +a father to be beaten by his sons! + +Phid. I think I shall certainly persuade you; so that, +when you have heard, not even you yourself will say +anything against it. + +Strep. Well, now, I am willing to hear what you have to +say. + +Cho. It is your business, old man, to consider in what +way you shall conquer the man; for if he were not +relying upon something, he would not be so licentious. +But he is emboldened by something; the boldness of the +man is evident. Now you ought to tell to the Chorus from +what the contention first arose. And this you must do by +all means. + +Strep. Well, now, I will tell you from what we first +began to rail at one another. After we had feasted, as +you know, I first bade him take a lyre, and sing a song +of Simonides, "The Shearing of the Ram." But he +immediately said it was old-fashioned to play on the +lyre and sing while drinking, like a woman grinding +parched barley. + +Phid. For ought you not then immediately to be beaten +and trampled on, bidding me sing, just as if you were +entertaining cicadae? + +Strep. He expressed, however, such opinions then too +within, as he does now; and he asserted that Simonides +was a bad poet. I bore it at first, with difficulty +indeed, yet nevertheless I bore it. And then I bade him +at least take a myrtle-wreath and recite to me some +portion of Aeschylus; and then he immediately said, +"Shall I consider Aeschylus the first among the poets, +full of empty sound, unpolished, bombastic, using rugged +words?" And hereupon you can't think how my heart +panted. But, nevertheless, I restrained my passion, and +said, "At least recite some passage of the more modern +poets, of whatever kind these clever things be." And he +immediately sang a passage of Euripides, how a brother, +O averter of ill! Debauched his uterine sister. And I +bore it no longer, but immediately assailed him with +many abusive reproaches. And then, after that, as was +natural, we hurled word upon word. Then he springs upon +me; and then he was wounding me, and beating me, and +throttling me. + +Phid. Were you not therefore justly beaten, who do not +praise Euripides, the wisest of poets? + +Strep. He the wisest! Oh, what shall I call you? But I +shall be beaten again. + +Phid. Yes, by Jupiter, with justice? + +Strep. Why, how with justice? Who, O shameless fellow, +reared you, understanding all your wishes, when you +lisped what you meant? If you said bryn, I, +understanding it, used to give you to drink. And when +you asked for mamman, I used to come to you with bread. +And you used no sooner to say caccan, than I used to +take and carry you out of doors, and hold you before me. +But you now, throttling me who was bawling and crying +out because I wanted to ease myself, had not the heart +to carry me forth out of doors, you wretch; but I did it +there while I was being throttled. + +Cho. I fancy the hearts of the youths are panting to +hear what he will say. For if, after having done such +things, he shall persuade him by speaking, I would not +take the hide of the old folks, even at the price of a +chick-pea. It is thy business, thou author and upheaver +of new words, to seek some means of persuasion, so that +you shall seem to speak justly. + +Phid. How pleasant it is to be acquainted with new and +clever things, and to be able to despise the established +laws! For I, when I applied my mind to horsemanship +alone, used not to be able to utter three words before I +made a mistake; but now, since he himself has made me +cease from these pursuits, and I am acquainted with +subtle thoughts, and arguments, and speculations, I +think I shall demonstrate that it is just to chastise +one's father. + +Strep. Ride, then, by Jupiter! Since it is better for me +to keep a team of four horses than to be killed with a +beating. + +Phid. I will pass over to that part of my discourse +where you interrupted me; and first I will ask you this: +Did you beat me when I was a boy? + +Strep. I did, through good-will and concern for you. + +Phid. Pray tell me, is it not just that I also should be +well inclined toward you in the same way, and beat you, +since this is to be well inclined-to give a beating? For +why ought your body to be exempt from blows and mine +not? And yet I too was born free. The boys weep, and do +you not think it is right that a father should weep? You +will say that it is ordained by law that this should be +the lot of boys. But I would reply, that old men are +boys twice over, and that it is the more reasonable that +the old should weep than the young, inasmuch as it is +less just that they should err. + +Strep. It is nowhere ordained by law that a father +should suffer this. + +Phid. Was it not then a man like you and me, who first +proposed this law, and by speaking persuaded the +ancients? Why then is it less lawful for me also in turn +to propose henceforth a new law for the sons, that they +should beat their fathers in turn? But as many blows as +we received before the law was made, we remit: and we +concede to them our having been thrashed without return. +Observe the cocks and these other animals, how they +punish their fathers; and yet, in what do they differ +from us, except that they do not write decrees? + +Strep. Why then, since you imitate the cocks in all +things, do you not both eat dung and sleep on a perch? + +Phid. It is not the same thing, my friend; nor would it +appear so to Socrates. + +Strep. Therefore do not beat me; otherwise you will one +day blame yourself. + +Phid. Why, how? + +Strep. Since I am justly entitled to chastise you; and +you to chastise your son, if you should have one. + +Phid. But if I should not have one, I shall have wept +for nothing, and you will die laughing at me. + +Strep. To me, indeed, O comrades, he seems to speak +justly; and I think we ought to concede to them what is +fitting. For it is proper that we should weep, if we do +not act justly. + +Phid. Consider still another maxim. + +Strep. No; for I shall perish if I do. + +Phid. And yet perhaps you will not be vexed at suffering +what you now suffer. + +Strep. How, pray? For inform me what good you will do me +by this. + +Phid. I will beat my mother, just as I have you. + +Strep. What do you say? What do you say? This other, +again, is a greater wickedness. + +Phid. But what if, having the worst Cause, I shall +conquer you in arguing, proving that it is right to beat +one's mother? + +Strep. Most assuredly, if you do this, nothing will +hinder you from casting yourself and your Worse Cause +into the pit along with Socrates. These evils have I +suffered through you, O Clouds! Having intrusted all my +affairs to you. + +Cho. Nay, rather, you are yourself the cause of these +things, having turned yourself to wicked courses. + +Strep. Why, pray, did you not tell me this, then, but +excited with hopes a rustic and aged man? + +Cho. We always do this to him whom we perceive to be a +lover of wicked courses, until we precipitate him into +misfortune, so that he may learn to fear the gods. + +Strep. Ah me ! it is severe, O Clouds! But it is just; +for I ought not to have withheld the money which I +borrowed. Now, therefore, come with me, my dearest son, +that you may destroy the blackguard Chaerephon and +Socrates, who deceived you and me. + +Phid. I will not injure my teachers. + +Strep. Yes, yes, reverence Paternal Jove. + +Phid. "Paternal Jove" quoth'a! How antiquated you are! +Why, is there any Jove? + +Strep. There is. + +Phid. There is not, no; for Vortex reigns having +expelled Jupiter. + +Strep. He has not expelled him; but I fancied this, on +account of this Vortex here. Ah me, unhappy man! When I +even took you who are of earthenware for a god. + +Phid. Here rave and babble to yourself. + +[Exit Phidippides] + +Strep. Ah me, what madness! How mad, then, I was when I +ejected the gods on account of Socrates! But O dear +Hermes, by no means be wroth with me, nor destroy me; +but pardon me, since I have gone crazy through prating. +And become my adviser, whether I shall bring an action +and prosecute them, or whatever you think. You advise me +rightly, not permitting me to get up a lawsuit, but as +soon as possible to set fire to the house of the prating +fellows. Come hither, come hither, Xanthias! Come forth +with a ladder and with a mattock and then mount upon the +thinking-shop and dig down the roof, if you love your +master, until you tumble the house upon them. + +[Xanthias mounts upon the roof] + +But let some one bring me a lighted torch and I'll make +some of them this day suffer punishment, even if they be +ever so much impostors. + +1st Dis. (from within) Hollo! Hollo! + +Strep. It is your business, O torch, to send forth +abundant flame. + +[Mounts upon the roof] + +1st Dis. What are you doing, fellow? + +Strep. What am I doing? Why, what else, than chopping +logic with the beams of your house? + +[Sets the house on fire] + +2nd Dis. (from within) You will destroy us! You will +destroy us! + +Strep. For I also wish this very thing; unless my +mattock deceive my hopes, or I should somehow fall first +and break my neck. + +Soc. (from within). Hollo you! What are you doing, pray, +you fellow on the roof? + +Strep. I am walking on air, and speculating about the +sun. + +Soc. Ah me, unhappy! I shall be suffocated, wretched +man! + +Chaer. And I, miserable man, shall be burnt to death! + +Strep. For what has come into your heads that you acted +insolently toward the gods, and pried into the seat of +the moon? Chase, pelt, smite them, for many reasons, but +especially because you know that they offended against +the gods! + +[The thinking shop is burned down] + +Cho. Lead the way out; for we have sufficiently acted as +chorus for today. + + + +[Exeunt omnes] + + + + + +End of The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Clouds, by Aristophanes + diff --git a/old/cloud10.zip b/old/cloud10.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a2407ee --- /dev/null +++ b/old/cloud10.zip |