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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/27550-8.txt b/27550-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..b7bcd06 --- /dev/null +++ b/27550-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4070 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Mother, by Norman Duncan + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Mother + +Author: Norman Duncan + +Illustrator: H. E. Fritz + +Release Date: December 17, 2008 [EBook #27550] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MOTHER *** + + + + +Produced by Al Haines + + + + + + + + + +[Illustration: Cover] + + + +[Illustration: The Mother + + + +[Frontispiece: The Mother] + + + +[Illustration: Title page] + + + +The Mother + + +by + +Norman Duncan + + + + + +Fleming H. Revell Company + +Publishers + + + + +[Illustration: Copyright] + + + +Copyright 1905 + +by + +Fleming H. Revell Company + +New York -- Chicago -- Toronto + + + + +[Illustration: Dedication] + + +To + +E. H. D. + + + + +[Illustration: Decorations] + + +The Decorations + +In This Book Were + +Designed by H. E. Fritz + + + + +[Illustration: Decoration] + +Contents + + BY PROXY + THE RIVER + A GARDEN OF LIES + THE CELEBRITY IN LOVE + AT MIDNIGHT + A MEETING BY CHANCE + RENUNCIATION + IN THE CURRENT + THE CHORISTER + ALIENATION + A CHILD'S PRAYER + +[Illustration: Decoration] + + MR. PODDLE'S FINALE + HIS MOTHER + NEARING THE SEA + THE LAST APPEAL + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _By Proxy_] + + + + +_BY PROXY_ + +It will be recalled without effort--possibly, indeed, without +interest--that the obsequies of the old Senator Boligand were a +distinguished success: a fashionable, proper function, ordered by the +young widow with exquisite taste, as all the world said, and conducted +without reproach, as the undertaker and the clergy very heartily +agreed. At the Church of the Lifted Cross, the incident of the child, +the blonde lady and the mysteriously veiled man, who sat in awe and +bewildered amazement where the shadows gave deepest seclusion, escaped +notice. Not that the late Senator Boligand was in life aware of the +existence of the child or the lady or the strange fellow with the veil. +Nothing of the sort. The one was the widow of Dick Slade, the other +his son, born in wedlock; and the third was the familiar counsellor and +intimate of them all. The Senator was for once turned to good account: +was made contributor to the sweetness of life, to the comfort of the +humble. That was all. And I fancy that the shade of the grim old +robber, lurking somewhere in the softly coloured gloom of the chancel, +was not altogether averse to the farce in which his earthly tabernacle +was engaged.... + +When Dick Slade died in the big red tenement of Box Street, he died as +other men die, complaining of the necessity; and his son, in the way of +all tender children, sorely wept: not because his father was now lost +to him, which was beyond his comprehension, but because the man must be +put in a grave--a cold place, dark and suffocating, being underground, +as the child had been told. + +"I don't want my father," he woefully protested, "to be planted!" + +"Planted!" cried the mother, throwing up her hands in indignant denial. +"Who told you he'd be planted?" + +"Madame Lacara." + +"She's a liar," said the woman, composedly, without resentment. "We'll +cut the _planting_ out of _this_ funeral." Her ingenuity, her +resourcefulness, her daring, when the happiness of her child was +concerned, were usually sufficient to the emergency. "Why, darling!" +she exclaimed. "Your father will be taken right up into the sky. He +won't be put in no grave. He'll go right straight to a place where +it's all sunshine--where it's all blue and high and as bright as day." +She bustled about: keeping an eye alert for the effect of her promises. +She was not yet sure how this glorious ascension might be managed; but +she had never failed to deceive him to his own contentment, and 'twas +not her habit to take fainthearted measures. "They been lying to you, +dear," she complained. "Don't you fret about graves. You just wait," +she concluded, significantly, "and see!" + +The boy sighed. + +"Poddle and me," she added, with a wag of the head to convince him, +"will show you where your father goes." + +"I wish," the boy said, wistfully, "that he wasn't dead." + +"Don't you do it!" she flashed. "It don't make no difference to him. +It's a good thing. I bet he's glad to be dead." + +The boy shook his head. + +"Yes, he is! Don't you think he isn't. There ain't nothing like being +dead. Everybody's happy--when they're dead." + +"He's so still!" the boy whispered. + +"It feels fine to be still--like that." + +"And he's so cold!" + +"No!" she scorned. "He don't feel cold. You think he's cold. But he +ain't. That's just what you _think_. He's comfortable. He's glad to +be dead. Everybody's glad to be dead." + +The boy shuddered. + +"Don't you do that no more!" said the woman. "It don't hurt to be +dead. Honest, it don't! It feels real good to be that way." + +"I--I--I don't think I'd like--to be dead!" + +"You don't have to if you don't want to," the woman replied, thrown +into a confusion of pain and alarm. To comfort him, to shield him from +agony, to keep the shadow of fear from falling upon him: she desired +nothing more; and she was content to succeed if but for the moment. "I +tell you," she continued, "you never will be dead--if you don't want +to. Your father wanted to be dead. 'I think, Millie,' says he, 'I'd +like to be dead.' 'All right, Dick,' says I. 'If you want to, I won't +stand in your way. But I don't know about the boy.' 'Oh,' says he, +'the boy won't stand in my way.' 'I guess that's right, Dick,' says I, +'for the boy loves you.' And so," she concluded, "he died. But _you_ +don't have to die. You'll never die--not unless you want to." She +kissed him. "Don't you be afraid, dear!" she crooned. + +"I'm not--afraid." + +"Well, then," she asked, puzzled, "what _are_ you?" + +"I don't know," he faltered. "I think it makes me--sick at +the--stomach." + +He had turned white. She took him in her arms, to comfort and hearten +him--an unfailing device: her kisses, her warm, ample bosom, her close +embrace; he was by these always consoled.... + + +Next day, then, in accordance with the woman's device, the boy and his +mother set out with the veiled man for the Church of the Lifted Cross, +where the obsequies of Senator Boligand were to take place. It was sad +weather--a cold rain falling, the city gray, all the world black-clad +and dripping and sour of countenance. The veiled man said never a +word; he held the boy's hand tight, and strode gloomily on--silent of +melancholy, of protest, of ill temper: there was no knowing, for his +face was hid. The woman, distinguished by a mass of blinding blonde +hair and a complexion susceptible to change by the weather, was dressed +in the ultra-fashionable way--the small differences of style all +accentuated: the whole tawdry and shabby and limp in the rain. The +child, a slender boy, delicately white of skin, curly headed, with +round, dark eyes, outlooking in wonder and troubled regard, but yet +bravely enough, trotted between the woman and the man, a hand in the +hand of each.... And when they came to the Church of the Lifted Cross; +and when the tiny, flickering lights, and the stained windows, and the +shadows overhead, and the throbbing, far-off music had worked their +spell upon him, he snuggled close to his mother, wishing himself well +away from the sadness and mystery of the place, but glad that its +solemn splendour honoured the strange change his father had chosen to +undergo. + +"Have they brought papa yet?" he whispered. + +"Hush!" she answered. "He's come." + +For a moment she was in a panic--lest the child's prattle, being +perilously indiscreet, involve them all in humiliating difficulties. +Scandal of this sort would be intolerable to the young Boligand widow. + +"Where is he?" + +"Don't talk so loud, dear. He's down in front--where all the lights +are." + +"Can't we go there?' + +"No, no!" she whispered, quickly. "It isn't the way. We must sit +here. Don't talk, dear; it isn't the way." + +"I'd like to--kiss him." + +"Oh, my!" she exclaimed. "It isn't allowed. We got to sit right here. +That's the way it's always done. Hush, dear! Please don't talk." + +With prayer and soulful dirges--employing white robes and many lights +and the voices of children--the body of Senator Boligand was dealt +with, in the vast, dim church, according to the forms prescribed, and +with due regard for the wishes of the young widow. The Senator was an +admirable substitute; Dick Slade's glorious ascension was accomplished. +And the heart of the child was comforted by this beauty: for then he +knew that his father was by some high magic admitted to the place of +which his mother had told him--some place high and blue and ever light +as day. The fear of death passed from him. He was glad, for his +father's sake, that his father had died; and he wished that he, too, +might some day know the glory to which his father had attained. + +But when the earthly remains of the late distinguished Senator were +borne down the aisle in solemn procession, the boy had a momentary +return of grief. + +"Is that papa in the box?" he whimpered. + +His mother put her lips to his ear. "Yes," she gasped. "But don't +talk. It isn't allowed." + +The veiled man turned audibly uneasy. "Cuss it!" he fumed. + +"Oh, father!" the boy sobbed. + +With happy promptitude the veiled man acted. He put a hand over the +boy's mouth. "For God's sake, Millie," he whispered to the woman, +"let's get out of here! We'll be run in." + +"Hush, dear!" the woman commanded: for she was much afraid. + +After that, the child was quiet. + + +From the room in the Box Street tenement, meantime, the body of Dick +Slade had been taken in a Department wagon to a resting-place befitting +in degree. + +"Millie," the veiled man protested, that night, "you didn't ought to +fool the boy." + +"It don't matter, Poddle," said she. "And I don't want him to feel +bad." + +"You didn't ought to do it," the man persisted. "It'll make trouble +for him." + +"I can't see him hurt," said the woman, doggedly. "I love him so much. +Poddle, I just can't! It hurts _me_." + +The boy was now in bed. "Mother," he asked, lifting himself from the +pillow, "when will I die?" + +"Why, child!" she ejaculated. + +"I wish," said the boy, "it was to-morrow." + +"There!" said the woman, in triumph, to the man. "He ain't afraid of +death no more." + +"I told you so, Millie!" the man exclaimed, at the same instant. + +"But he ain't afraid to die," she persisted. "And that's all I want." + +"You can't fool him always," the man warned. + +The boy was then four years old.... + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _By Proxy_] + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _The River_] + + + + +_THE RIVER_ + +Top floor rear of the Box Street tenement looked out upon the river. +It was lifted high: the activities of the broad stream and of the +motley world of the other shore went silently; the petty noises of +life--the creak and puff and rumble of its labouring +machinery,--straying upward from the fussy places below, were lost in +the space between. + +Within: a bed, a stove, a table--the gaunt framework of home. But the +window overlooked the river; and the boy was now seven years old, +unknowing, unquestioning, serenely obedient to the circumstances of his +life: feeling no desire that wandered beyond the familiar presence of +his mother--her voice and touch and brooding love. + +It was a magic window--a window turned lengthwise, broad, low, +small-paned, disclosing wonders without end: a scene of infinite +changes. There was shipping below, restless craft upon the water; and +beyond, dwarfed in the distance, was a confusion of streets, of flat, +puffing roofs, stretching from the shining river to the far, misty +hills, which lay beside the sea, invisible and mysterious. + +But top floor rear was remote from the river and the roofs. From the +window--and from the love in the room--the boy looked out upon an alien +world, heard the distant murmur, monotonously proceeding, night and +day: uncomprehending, but unperturbed.... + + +In the evening the boy sat with his mother at the window. Together +they watched the shadows gather--the hills and the city and the river +dissolve: the whole broad world turn to points of light, twinkling, +flashing, darting, in the black, voiceless gulf. Nor would she fail to +watch the night come, whether in gentle weather or whipping rain: but +there would sit, the boy in her arms, held close to her breast, her +hand straying restlessly over his small body, intimately caressing it. + +The falling shadows; the river, flowing unfeelingly; the lights, +wandering without rest, aimless, forever astray in the dark: these were +a spell upon her. + +"They go to the sea!" she whispered, once. + +"The ships, mother?" + +She put his head in the hollow of her shoulder, where her cheek might +touch his hair: all the time staring out at the lights on the river. + +"All the ships, all the lights on the river," she said, hoarsely, "go +out there." + +"Why?" + +"The river takes them." + +He was made uneasy: being conscious of the deeper meaning--acutely +aware of some strange dread stirring in her heart. + +"Maybe," he protested, "they're glad to go away." + +She shook her head. "One night," she said, leaning towards the window, +seeming now to forget the boy, "I seen the sea. All the lights on the +river go different ways--when they get out there. It is a dark and +lonesome place--big and dark and lonesome." + +"Then," said he, quickly, "you would not like to be there." + +"No," she answered. "I do not like the sky," she continued; "it is so +big and empty. I do not like the sea; it is so big and dark. And +black winds are always blowing there; and the lights go different ways. +The lights," she muttered, "go different ways! I am afraid of the +dark. And, oh!" she moaned, suddenly crushing him to her breast, +rocking him, in an agony of tenderness, "I am afraid of something else. +Oh, I am afraid!" + +"Of what?" he gasped. + +"To be alone!" she sobbed. + +He released himself from her arms--sat back on her knee: quivering from +head to foot, his hands clenched, his lips writhing. "Don't, mother!" +he cried. "Don't cry. We will not go to the sea. We _will_ not!" + +"We must," she whispered. + +"Oh, why?" + +She kissed him: her hand slipped under his knees; and she drew him +close again--and there held him until he lay quiet in her arms. + +"We are like the lights on the river," she said. "The river will take +us to a place where the lights go different ways." + +"We will not go!" + +"The river will take us." + +The boy was puzzled: he lifted his head, to watch the lights drift +past, far below; and he was much troubled by this mystery. She tried +to gather his legs in her lap--to hold him as she used to do, when he +was a child at her breast; but he was now grown too large for that, and +she suffered, again, the familiar pain: a perception of alienation--of +inevitable loss. + +"When?" he asked. + +She let his legs fall. "Soon," she sighed. "When you are older; it +won't be long, now. When you are a little wiser; it will be very soon." + +"When I am wiser," he pondered, "we must go. What makes me wiser?" + +"The wise." + +"Are you wise?" + +"God help me!" she answered. + +He nestled his head on her shoulder--dismissing the mystery with a +quick sigh. "Never mind," he said, to comfort her. "You will not be +alone. I will be with you." + +"I wonder!" she mused. + +For a moment more she looked out; but she did not see the river--but +saw the wide sea, wind-tossed and dark, where the great multitude of +lights went apart, each upon its mysterious way. + +"Mother," he repeated, reproachfully, mystified by her hesitation, "I +will always be with you." + +"I wonder!" she mused. + +To this doubt--now clear to him beyond hope--there was instant +response: strangely passionate, but in keeping with his nature, as she +knew. For a space he lay rigid on her bosom: then struggled from her +embrace, brutally wrenching her hands apart, flinging off her arms. He +stood swaying: his hands clenched, his slender body aquiver, as before, +his dark eyes blazing reproach. It gave her no alarm, but, rather, +exquisite pleasure, to watch his agony. She caught him by the +shoulders, and bent close, that by the night-light, coming in at the +window, she might look into his eyes: wherein, swiftly, the flare of +reproach turned to hopeless woe. And she was glad that he suffered: +exalted, so that she, too, trembled. + +"Oh," he pleaded, "say that I will always be with you!" + +She would not: but continued to exult in his woeful apprehension. + +"Tell me, mother!" he implored. "Tell me!" + +Not yet: for there was no delight to be compared with the proved +knowledge of his love. + +"Mother!" he cried. + +"You do not love me," she said, to taunt him. + +"Oh, don't!" he moaned. + +"No, no!" she persisted. "You don't love your mother any more." + +He was by this reduced to uttermost despair; and he began to beat his +breast, in the pitiful way he had. Perceiving, then, that she must no +longer bait him, she opened her arms. He sprang into them. At once +his sobs turned to sighs of infinite relief, which continued, until, of +a sudden, he was hugged so tight that he had no breath left but to gasp. + +"And you will always be with me?" he asked. + +"It is the way of the world," she answered, while she kissed him, "that +sons chooses for themselves." + +With that he was quite content.... + + +For a long time they sat silent at the window. The boy dreamed +hopefully of the times to come--serenity restored. For the moment the +woman was forgetful of the foreshadowed days, happy that the warm, +pulsing little body of her son lay unshrinking in her arms: so +conscious of his love and life--so wishful for a deeper sense of +motherhood--that she slipped her hand under his jacket and felt about +for his heart, and there let her fingers lie, within touch of its +steady beating. The lights still twinkled and flashed and aimlessly +wandered in the night; but the spell of the river was lifted. + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _A Garden of Lies_] + + + + +_A GARDEN OF LIES_ + +Withal it was a rare mood: nor, being wise, was she given to expressing +it in this gloomy fashion. It was her habit, rather, assiduously to +woo him: this with kisses, soft and wet; with fleeting touches; with +coquettish glances and the sly display of her charms; with rambling, +fantastic tales of her desirability in the regard of men--thus +practicing all the familiar fascinations of her kind, according to the +enlightenment of the world she knew. He must be persuaded, she +thought, that his mother was beautiful, coveted; convinced of her wit +and gaiety: else he would not love her. Life had taught her no other +way.... And always at break of day, when he awoke in her arms, she +waited, with a pang of anxiety, pitilessly recurring, lest there be +some sign that despite her feverish precautions the heedless world had +in her nightly absence revealed that which she desperately sought to +hide from him.... + + +Thus, by and by, when the lamp was alight--when the shadows were all +chased out of the window, driven back to the raw fall night, whence +they had crept in--she lapsed abruptly into her natural manner and +practices. She spread a newspaper on the table, whistling in a cheery +fashion, the while covertly observing the effect of this lively +behaviour. With a knowing smile, promising vast gratification, she got +him on her knee; and together, cheek to cheek, her arm about his waist, +they bent over the page: whereon some function of the rich, to which +the presence of the Duchess of Croft and of the distinguished Lord +Wychester had given sensational importance, was grotesquely pictured. + +"Now, mother," said he, spreading the picture flat, "show me you." + +"This here lady," she answered, evasively, "is the Duchess of Croft." + +"Is it?" he asked, without interest. "She is very fat. Where are you?" + +"And here," she proceeded, "is Lord Wychester." + +"Mother," he demanded, "where are _you_?" + +She was disconcerted; no promising evasion immediately occurred to her. +"Maybe," she began, tentatively, "this lady here----" + +"Oh, no!" he cried, looking up with a little laugh. "It is not like +you, at all!" + +"Well," she said, "it's probably meant for me." + +He shook his head; and by the manner of this she knew that he would not +be deceived. + +"Perhaps," she said, "the Duchess told the man not to put me in the +picture. I guess that's it. She was awful jealous. You see, dear," +she went on, very solemnly, "Lord Wychester took a great fancy to me." + +He looked up with interest. + +"To--my shape," she added. + +"Oh!" said he. + +"And that," she continued, noting his pleasure, "made the Duchess hot; +for _she's_ too fat to have much of a figure. Most men, you know," she +added, as though reluctant in her own praise, "do fancy mine." She +brushed his cheek with her lips. "Don't you think, dear," she asked, +assuming an air of girlish coquetry, thus to compel the compliment, +"that I'm--rather--pretty?" + +"I think, mother," he answered, positively, "that you're very, very +pretty." + +It made her eyes shine to hear it. "Well," she resumed, improvising +more confidently, now, "the Duchess was awful mortified because Lord +Wychester danced with me seventeen times. 'Lord Wychester,' says she, +'what _do_ you see in that blonde with the diamonds?' 'Duchess,' says +he, 'I bet the blonde don't weigh over a hundred and ten!'" + +There was no answering smile; the boy glanced at the picture of the +wise and courtly old Lord Wychester, gravely regarded that of the +Duchess of Croft, of whose matronly charms, of whose charities and +amiable qualities, all the world knows. + +"What did she say?" he asked. + +"'Oh, dear me, Lord Wychester!' says she. 'If you're looking for +bones,' says she, 'that blonde is a regular glue-factory!'" + +He caught his breath. + +"'A regular glue-factory,'" she repeated, inviting sympathy. "That's +what she said." + +"Did you cry?" + +"Not me!" she scorned. "Cry? Not me! Not for no mountain like her!" + +"And what," he asked, "did Lord Wychester do?" + +"'Back to the side-show, Duchess!' says Lord Wychester. 'You're too +fat for decent company. My friend the Dook,' says he, 'may be partial +to fat ladies and ten-cent freaks; but _my_ taste runs to slim +blondes.'" + +No amusement was excited by Lord Wychester's second sally. In the +world she knew, it would have provoked a shout of laughter. The boy's +gravity disquieted her. + +"Did you laugh?" he asked. + +"Everybody," she answered, pitifully, "give her the laugh." + +He sighed--somewhat wistfully. "I wish," he said, "that _you_ hadn't." + +"Why not!" she wondered, in genuine surprise. + +"I don't know." + +"Why, dear!" she exclaimed, a note of alarm in her voice. "It isn't +bad manners! Anyhow," she qualified, quick to catch her cue, "I didn't +laugh much. I hardly laughed at all. I don't believe I _did_ laugh." + +"I'm glad," he said. + +Then, "I'm sure of it," she ventured, boldly; and she observed with +relief that he was not incredulous. + +"Did the Duchess cry?" + +"Oh, my, no! 'Waiter,' says the Duchess, 'open another bottle of that +wine. I feel faint.'" + +"What did Lord Wychester do then?" + +"He paid for the wine." It occurred to her that she might now surely +delight him. "Then he wanted to buy a bottle for me," she continued, +eagerly, "just to spite the Duchess. 'If _she_ can have wine,' says +he, 'there isn't no good reason why _you_ got to go dry.' But I +couldn't see it. 'Oh, come on!' says he. 'What's the matter with you? +Have a drink.' 'No, you don't!' says I. 'Why not?' says he." She +drew the boy a little closer, and, in the pause she patted his hand. +"'Because,' says I," she whispered, tenderly, "'I got a son; and I +_don't want him to do no drinking when he grows up_!'" She paused +again--that the effect of the words and of the caress might not be +interrupted. "'Come off!' says Lord Wychester," she went on; "'you +haven't got no son.' 'You wouldn't think to look at me,' says I, 'that +I got a son seven years old the twenty-third of last month.' 'To the +tall timber!' says he. 'You're too young and pretty. I'll give you a +thousand dollars for a kiss.' 'No, you don't!' says I. 'Why not?' +says he. 'Because,' says I, 'you don't.' 'I'll give you two +thousand,' says he." + +She was interrupted by the boy; his arms were anxiously stealing round +her neck. + +"'Three thousand!' says he." + +"Mother," the boy whispered, "did you give it to him?" + +Again, she drew him to her: as all mothers will, when, in the twilight, +they tell tales to their children, and the climax approaches. + +"'Four thousand!' says he." + +"Mother," the boy implored, "tell me quick! What did you say?" + +"'Lord Wychester,' says I, 'I don't give kisses,' says I, 'because my +son doesn't want me to do no such thing! No, sir! Not for a million +dollars!'" + +She was then made happy by his rapturous affection; and she now first +perceived--in a benighted way--that virtue was more appealing to him +than the sum of her physical attractions. Upon this new thought she +pondered. She was unable to reduce it to formal terms, to be sure; but +she felt a new delight, a new hope, and was uplifted, though she knew +not why. Later--at the crisis of their lives--the perception returned +with sufficient strength to illuminate her way.... + + +Presently the boy broke in upon her musing. "It was blondes Lord +Wychester liked," he remarked, with pride; "wasn't it, mother?" + +"Slim blondes," she corrected. + +"Bleached blondes?" + +She was appalled by the disclosure; and she was taken unaware: nor did +she dare discover the extent, the significance, of this new +sophistication, nor whence it came, lest she be all at once involved in +a tangle of explanation, from which there could be no sure issue. She +sighed; her head drooped, until it rested on his shoulder, her wet +lashes against his cheek--despairing, helpless. + +"What makes you sad?" he asked. + +Then she gathered impetuous courage. She must be calm, she knew; but +she must divert him. "See," she began, "what it says about your mother +in the paper!" She ran her finger down a long column of the fulsome +description of the great Multon ball--the list of fashionables, the +costumes. "Here it is! 'She was the loveliest woman at the dance.' +That's me. 'All the men said so. What if she is a bleached blonde? +Some people says that bleached blondes is no good. It's a lie!'" she +cried, passionately, to the bewilderment of the boy. "'God help them! +There's honest people everywhere.' Are you listening? Here's more +about me. 'She does the best she can. Maybe she _don't_ amount to +much, maybe she _is_ a bleached blonde; but she does the best she can. +She never done no wrong in all her life. She loves her son too much +for that. Oh, she loves her son! She'd rather die than have him feel +ashamed of her. There isn't a better woman in the world, There isn't a +better mother----'" + +He clapped his hands. + +"Don't you believe it?" she demanded. "Don't you believe what the +paper says?" + +"It's true!" he cried. "It's all true!" + +"How do you know," she whispered, intensely, "that it's all true?" + +"I--just--_feel_ it!" + +They were interrupted by the clock. It struck seven times.... + + +In great haste and alarm she put him from her knee; and she caught up +her hat and cloak, and kissed him, and ran out, calling back her +good-night, again and again, as she clattered down the stairs.... In +the streets of the place to which she hurried, there were flaming +lights, the laughter of men and flaunting women, the crash and rumble +and clang of night-traffic, the blatant clamour of the pleasures of +night; shuffling, blear-eyed derelicts of passion, creeping beldames, +peevish children, youth consuming itself; rags and garish jewels, +hunger, greasy content--a confusion of wretchedness, of greed and grim +want, of delirious gaiety, of the sins that stalk in darkness.... +Through it all she brushed, unconscious--lifted from it by the magic of +this love: dwelling only upon the room that overlooked the river, and +upon the child within; remembering the light in his eyes and the +tenderness of his kiss. + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _A Garden of Lies_] + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _The Celebrity in Love_] + + + + +_THE CELEBRITY IN LOVE_ + +While the boy sat alone, in wistful idleness, there came a knock at the +door--a pompous rat-tat-tat, with a stout tap-tap or two added, once +and for all to put the quality of the visitor beyond doubt. The door +was then cautiously pushed ajar to admit the head of the personage thus +impressively heralded. And a most extraordinary head it was--of +fearsome aspect; nothing but long and intimate familiarity could resign +the beholder to the unexpected appearance of it. Long, tawny hair, now +sadly unkempt, fell abundantly from crown to shoulders; and hair as +tawny, as luxuriantly thick, almost as long, completely covered the +face, from every part of which it sprang, growing shaggy and rank at +the eyebrows, which served to ambush two sharp little eyes: so that the +whole bore a precise resemblance to an ill-natured Skye terrier. It is +superfluous to add that this was at once the face and the fortune of +Toto, the Dog-faced Man, known in private life, to as many intimates as +a jealous profession can tolerate, as Mr. Poddle: for the present +disabled from public appearance by the quality of the air supplied to +the exhibits at Hockley's Musee, his lungs being, as he himself +expressed it, "not gone, by no means, but gittin' restless." + +"Mother gone?" asked the Dog-faced Man. + +"She has gone, Mr. Poddle," the boy answered, "to dine with the Mayor." + +"Oh!" Mr. Poddle ejaculated. + +"Why do you say that?" the boy asked, frowning uneasily. "You always +say, 'Oh!'" + +"Do I? 'Oh!' Like that?" + +"Why do you do it?" + +"Celebrities," replied Mr. Poddle, testily, entering at that moment, +"is not accountable. Me bein' one, don't ask me no questions." + +"Oh!" said the boy. + +Mr. Poddle sat himself in a chair by the window: and there began to +catch and vent his breath; but whether in melancholy sighs or snorts of +indignation it was impossible to determine. Having by these violent +means restored himself to a state of feeling more nearly normal, he +trifled for a time with the rings flashing on his thin, white fingers, +listlessly brushed the dust from the skirt of his rusty frock coat, +heaved a series of unmistakable sighs: whereupon--and by this strange +occupation the boy was quite fascinated--he drew a little comb, a +little brush, a little mirror, from his pocket; and having set up the +mirror in a convenient place, he proceeded to dress his hair, with +particular attention to the eyebrows, which, by and by, he tenderly +braided into two limp little horns: so that 'twas not long before he +looked much less like a frowsy Skye terrier, much more like an owl. + +"The hour, Richard," he sighed, as he deftly parted his hair in the +middle of his nose, "has came!" + +With such fond and hopeless feeling were these enigmatical words +charged that the boy could do nothing but heave a sympathetic sigh. + +"You see before you, Richard, what you never seen before. A man in the +clutches," Mr. Poddle tragically pursued, giving a vicious little twist +to his left eyebrow, "of the tender passion!" + +"Oh!" the boy muttered. + +"'Fame,'" Mr. Poddle continued, improvising a newspaper head-line, to +make himself clear, "'No Shield Against the Little God's Darts.' Git +me? The high and the low gits the arrows in the same place." + +"Does it--hurt?" + +"Hurt!" cried Mr. Poddle, furiously. "It's perfectly excrugiating! +Hurt? Why----" + +"Mr. Poddle, excuse me," the boy interrupted, "but you are biting your +mustache." + +"Thanks," said Mr. Poddle, promptly. "Glad to know it. Can't afford +to lose no more hirsute adornment. And I'm give to ravagin' it in +moments of excitement, especially sorrow. Always tell me." + +"I will," the boy gravely promised. + +"The Pink-eyed Albino," Mr. Poddle continued, now released from the +necessity of commanding his feelings, in so far as the protection of +his hair was concerned, "was fancy; the Circassian Beauty was +fascination; the Female Sampson was the hallugination of sky-blue +tights; but the Mexican Sword Swallower," he murmured, with a +melancholy wag, "is----" + +"Mr. Poddle," the boy warned, "you are--at it again." + +"Thanks," said Mr. Poddle, hastily eliminating the danger. "What I was +about to remark," was his lame conclusion, "was that the Mexican Sword +Swallower is _love_." + +"Oh!" + +The Dog-faced Man snapped a sigh in two. "Richard," he insinuated +suspiciously, "what you sayin', 'Oh!' for?" + +"Wasn't the Bearded Lady, love?" + +"Love!" laughed Mr. Poddle. "Ha, ha! Far from it! Not so! The +Bearded Lady was the snare of ambition. 'Marriage Arranged Between the +Young Duke of Blueblood and the Daughter of the Clothes-pin King. +Millions of the Higgleses to Repair the Duke's Shattered Fortunes.' +Git me? 'Wedding of the Bearded Lady and the Dog-faced Man. Sunday +Afternoon at Hockley's Popular Musee. No Extra Charge for Admission. +Fabulous Quantity of Human Hair on Exhibition At the Same Instant. +Hirsute Wonders To Tour the Country at Enormous Expense.' Git me? +Same thing. Love? Ha, ha! Not so! There's no more love in _that_," +Mr. Poddle concluded, bitterly, "than----" + +"Mr. Poddle, you are----" + +"Thanks," faltered Mr. Poddle. "As I was about to remark when +you--ah--come to the rescue--love is froze out of high life. Us +natural phenomenons is the slaves of our inheritages." + +"But you said the Bearded Lady was love at last!" + +"'Duke Said To Be Madly In Love With the American Beauty,'" Mr. Poddle +composedly replied. + +"I don't quite--get you?" + +"Us celebrities has our secrets. High life is hollow. Public must be +took into account. 'Sacrificed On His Country's Altar.' Git me? +'Good of the Profession.' Broken hearts--and all that." + +"Would you have broken the Bearded Lady's heart?" + +Mr. Poddle was by this recalled to his own lamentable condition. "I've +gone and broke my own," he burst out; "for I'm give to understand that +the lovely Sword Swallower is got entangled with a tattooed man. Not," +Mr. Poodle hastily added, "with a _real_ tattooed man! Not by no +means! Far from it! _He's only half done!_ Git me? His legs is +finished; and I'm give to understand that the Chinese dragon on his +back is gettin' near the end of its tail. There _may_ be a risin' sun +on his chest, and a snake drawed out on his waist; of that I've heard +rumors, but I ain't had no reports. Not," said Mr. Poddle, +impressively, "what you might call undenigeable reports. And Richard," +he whispered, in great excitement and contempt, "that there half-cooked +freak won't be done for a year! He's bein' worked over on the +installment plan. And I'm give to understand that she'll wait! Oh, +wimmen!" the Dog-faced Man apostrophized. "Took by shapes and +complexions----" + +"Mr. Poddle, excuse me," the boy interrupted, diffidently, "but your +eyebrow----" + +"Thanks," Mr. Poddle groaned, his frenzy collapsing. "As I was about +to say, wimmen is like arithmetic; there ain't a easy sum in the book." + +"Mr. Poddle!" + +"Thanks," said Mr. Poddle, in deep disgust. "Am I at it again? +O'erwhelming grief! This here love will be the ruin of me. 'Bank +Cashier Defaulted For a Woman.' I've lost more priceless strands since +I seen that charming creature than I'll get back in a year. I've bit +'em off! I've tore 'em out! If this here goes on I'll be a Hairless +Wonder in a month. 'Suicided For Love.' Same thing exactly. And +what's worse," he continued, dejectedly, "the objeck of my adoration +don't look at it right. She takes me for a common audience. No regard +for talent. No appreciation for hair in the wrong place. 'Genius +Jilted By A Factory Girl.' And she takes that manufactured article of +a tattooed man for a regular platform attraction! Don't seem to +_know_, Richard, that freaks is born, not made. What's fame, anyhow?" + +The boy did not know. + +"Why, cuss me!" the Dog-faced Man exploded, "she treats me as if I was +dead-headed into the Show!" + +"Excuse me, but----" + +"Thanks. God knows, Richard, I ain't in love with her throat and +stummick. It ain't because the one's unequalled for resistin' +razor-edged steel and the other stands unrivalled in its capacity for +holdin' cold metal. It ain't her talent, Richard. No, it ain't her +talent. It ain't her beauty. It ain't even her fame. It ain't so +much her massive proportions. It's just the way she darns stockings. +Just the way she sits up there on the platform darnin' them stockings +as if there wasn't no such thing as an admirin' public below. It's +just her _self_. Git me? 'Give Up A Throne To Wed A Butcher's +Daughter.' Understand? Why, God bless you, Richard, if she was a Fiji +Island Cannibal I'd love her just the same!" + +"I think, Mr. Poddle," the boy ventured, "that I'd tell her." + +"I did," Mr. Poddle replied. "Much to my regrets I did. I writ. +Worked up a beautiful piece out of 'The Lightning Letter-writer for +Lovers.' 'Oh, beauteous Sword-Swallower,' I writ, 'pet of the public, +pride of the sideshow, bright particular star in the constellation of +natural phenomenons! One who is not unknown to fame is dazzled by your +charms. He dares to lift his stricken eyes, to give vent to the +tumultuous beatings of his manly bosom, to send you, in fact, this +note. And if you want to know who done it, wear a red rose to-night.' +Well," Mr. Poddle continued, "she seen me give it to the peanut-boy. +And knowin' who it come from, she writ back. She writ," Mr. Poddle +dramatically repeated, "right back." + +The pause was so long, so painful, that the boy was moved to inquire +concerning the answer. + +"It stabs me," said Mr. Poddle. + +"I think I'd like to know," said the boy. + +"'Are you much give,' says she, 'to barkin' in your sleep?'" + +A very real tear left the eye of Mr. Poddle, ran down the hair of his +cheek, changed its course to the eyebrow, and there hung glistening.... + + +It was apparent that the Dog-faced Man's thoughts must immediately be +diverted into more cheerful channels. "Won't you please read to me, +Mr. Poddle," said the boy, "what it says in the paper about my mother?" + +The ruse was effective. Mr. Poddle looked up with a start. "Eh?" he +ejaculated. + +"Won't you?" the boy begged. + +"I been talkin' so much, Richard," Mr. Poddle stammered, turning hoarse +all at once, "that I gone and lost my voice." + +He decamped to his room across the hall without another word. + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _At Midnight_] + + + + +_AT MIDNIGHT_ + +At midnight the boy had long been sound asleep in bed. The lamp was +turned low. It was very quiet in the room--quiet and shadowy in all +the tenement.... And the stair creaked; and footfalls shuffled along +the hall--and hesitated at the door of the place where the child lay +quietly sleeping; and there ceased. There was the rumble of a man's +voice, deep, insistent, imperfectly restrained. A woman protested. +The door was softly opened; and the boy's mother stepped in, moving on +tiptoe, and swiftly turned to bar entrance with her arm. + +"Hist!" she whispered, angrily. "Don't speak so loud. You'll wake the +boy." + +"Let me in, Millie," the man insisted. "Aw, come on, now!" + +"I can't, Jim. You know I can't. Go on home now. Stop that! I won't +marry you. Let go my arm. You'll wake the boy, I tell you!" + +There was a short scuffle: at the end of which, the woman's arm still +barred the door. + +"Here I ain't seen you in three year," the man complained. "And you +won't let me in. That ain't right, Millie. It ain't kind to an old +friend like me. You didn't used to be that way." + +"No," the woman whispered, abstractedly; "there's been a change. I +ain't the same as I used to be." + +"You ain't changed for the better, Millie. No, you ain't." + +"I don't know," she mused. "Sometimes I think not. It ain't because I +don't want you, Jim," she continued, speaking more softly, now, "that I +don't let you in. God knows, I like to meet old friends; but----" + +It was sufficient. The man gently took her arm from the way. He +stepped in--glanced at the sleeping boy, lying still as death, shaded +from the lamp--and turned again to the woman. + +"Don't wake him!" she said. + +They were still standing. The man was short, long-armed, vastly broad +at the shoulders, deep-chested: flashy in dress, dull and kind of +feature--handsome enough, withal. He was an acrobat. Even in the dim +light, he carried the impression of great muscular strength--of grace +and agility. For a moment the woman's eyes ran over his stocky body: +then, spasmodically clenching her hands, she turned quickly to the boy +on the bed; and she moved back from the man, and thereafter regarded +him watchfully. + +"Don't make no difference if I do wake him," he complained. "The boy +knows me." + +"But he don't like you." + +"Aw, Millie!" said he, in reproach. "Come off!" + +"I seen it in his eyes," she insisted. + +The man softly laughed. + +"Don't you laugh no more!" she flashed. "You can't tell a mother what +she sees in her own baby's eyes. I tell you, Jim, he don't like you. +He never did." + +"That's all fancy, Millie. Why, he ain't seen me in three year! And +you can't see nothing in the eyes of a four year old kid. You're too +fond of that boy, anyhow," the man continued, indignantly. "What's got +into you? You ain't forgot that winter night out there in Idaho, have +you? Don't you remember what you said to Dick that night? You said +Dick was to blame, Millie, don't you remember? Remember the doctor +coming to the hotel? I'll never forget how you went on. Never heard a +woman swear like you before. Never seen one go on like you went on. +And when you hit Dick, Millie, for what you said he'd done, I felt bad +for Dick, though I hadn't much cause to care for what happened to him. +Millie, girl, you was a regular wildcat when the doctor told you what +was coming. You didn't want no kid, then!" + +"Don't!" she gasped. "I ain't forgot. But I'm changed, Jim--since +then." + +He moved a step nearer. + +"I ain't the same as I used to be in them days," she went on, staring +at the window, and through the window to the starry night. "And Dick's +dead, now. I don't know," she faltered; "it's all sort of--different." + +"What's gone and changed you, Millie?" + +"I ain't the same!" she repeated. + +"What's changed you?" + +"And I ain't been the same," she whispered, "since I got the boy!" + +In the pause, he took her hand. She seemed not to know it--but let it +lie close held in his great palm. + +"And you won't have nothing to do with me?" he asked. + +"I can't," she answered. "I don't think of myself no more. And the +boy--wouldn't like it." + +"You always said you would, if it wasn't for Dick; and Dick ain't here +no more. There ain't no harm in loving me now." He tried to draw her +to him. "Aw, come on!" he pleaded. "You know you like me." + +She withdrew her hand--shrank from him. "Don't!" she said. "I like +you, Jim. You know I always did. You was always good to me. I never +cared much for Dick. Him and me teamed up pretty well. That was all. +It was always you, Jim, that I cared for. But, somehow, now, I wish +I'd loved Dick--more than I did. I feel different, now. I wish--oh, I +wish--that I'd loved him!" + +The man frowned. + +"He's dead," she continued. "I can't tell him nothing, now. The +chance is gone. But I wish I'd loved him!" + +"He never done much for you." + +"Yes, he did, Jim!" she answered, quickly. "He done all a man can do +for a woman!" + +She was smiling--but in an absent way. The man started. There was a +light in her eyes he had never seen before. + +"He give me," she said, "the boy!" + +"You're crazy about that kid," the man burst out, a violent, disgusted +whisper. "You're gone out of your mind." + +"No, I ain't," she replied, doggedly. "I'm different since I got him. +That's all. And I'd like Dick to know that I look at him different +since he died. I can't love Dick. I never could. But I could thank +him if he was here. Do you mind what I called the boy? I don't call +him Claud now. I call him--Richard. It's all I can do to show Dick +that I'm grateful." + +The man caught his breath--in angry impatience. "Millie," he warned, +"the boy'll grow up." + +She put her hands to her eyes. + +"He'll grow up and leave you. What you going to do then?" + +"I don't know," she sighed. "Just--go along." + +"You'll be all alone, Millie." + +"He loves me!" she muttered. "He'll never leave me!" + +"He's got to, Millie. He's got to be a man. You can't keep him." + +"Maybe I _can't_ keep him," she replied, in a passionate undertone. +"Maybe I _do_ love you. Maybe he'd get to love you, too. But look at +him, Jim! See where he lies?" + +The man turned towards the bed. + +"It's on my side, Jim! Understand? He lies there always till I come +in. Know why?" + +He watched her curiously. + +"He'll wake up, Jim, when I lift him over. That's what he wants. +He'll wake up and say, 'Is that you, mother?' And he'll be asleep +again, God bless him! before I can tell him that it is. My God! Jim, +I can't tell you what it means to come in at night and find him lying +there. That little body of a man! That clean, white soul! I can't +tell you how I feel, Jim. It's something a man can't know. And do you +think he'd stand for you? He'd say he would. Oh, he'd say he would! +He'd look in my eyes, Jim, and he'd find out what I wanted him to say; +and he'd _say_ it. But, Jim, he'd be hurt. Understand? He'd think I +didn't love him any more. He's only a child--and he'd think I didn't +love him. Where'd he sleep, Jim? Alone? He couldn't do it. Don't +you _see_? I can't live with nobody, Jim. And I don't want to. I +don't care for myself no more. I used to, in them days--when you and +me and Dick and the crowd was all together. But I don't--no more!" + +The man stooped, picked a small stocking from the floor, stood staring +at it. + +"I'm changed," the woman repeated, "since I got the boy." + +"I don't know what you'll do, Millie, when he grows up." + +She shook her head. + +"And when he finds out?" + +"That's what I'm afraid of," she whispered, hoarsely. "Somebody'll +tell him--some day. He don't know, now. And I don't want him to know. +He ain't our kind. Maybe it's because I keep him here alone. Maybe +it's because he don't see nobody. Maybe it's just because I love him +so. I don't know. But he ain't like us. It would hurt him to know. +And I can't hurt him. I can't!" + +The man tossed the stocking away. It fell upon a heap of little +under-garments, strewn upon the floor. + +"You're a fool, Millie," said he. "I tell you, he'll leave you. He'll +leave you cold--when he grows up--and another woman comes along." + +She raised her hand to stop him. "Don't say that!" she moaned. "There +won't be no other woman. There can't be. Seems to me I'll want to +kill the first that comes. A woman? What woman? There won't be none." + +"There's _got_ to be a woman." + +"What woman? There ain't a woman in the world fit to--oh," she broke +off, "don't talk of _him_--and a woman!" + +"It'll come, Millie. He's a man--and there's got to be a woman. And +she won't want you. And you'll be too old, then, to----" + +The boy stirred. + +"Hist!" she commanded. + +They waited. An arm was tossed--the boy smiled--there was a sigh. He +was sound asleep again. + +"Millie!" The man approached. She straightened to resist him. "You +love me, don't you?" + +She withdrew. + +"You want to marry me?" + +Still she withdrew; but he overtook her, and caught her hand. She was +now driven to a corner--at bay. Her face was flushed; there was an +irresolute light in her eyes--the light, too, of fear. + +"Go 'way!" she gasped. "Leave me alone!" + +He put his arm about her. + +"Don't!" she moaned. "You'll wake the boy." + +"Millie!" he whispered. + +"Let me go, Jim!" she protested, weakly. "I can't. Oh, leave me +alone! You'll wake the boy. I can't. I'd like to. I--I--I want to +marry you; but I----" + +"Aw, come on!" he pleaded, drawing her close. And he suddenly found +her limp in his arms. "You got to marry me!" he whispered, in triumph. +"By God! you can't help yourself. I got you! I got you!" + +"Oh, let me go!" + +"No, I won't, Millie. I'll never let you go." + +"For God's sake, Jim! Jim--oh, don't kiss me!" + +The boy stirred again--and began to mutter in his sleep. At once the +woman commanded herself. She stiffened--released herself--pushed the +man away. She lifted a hand--until the child lay quiet once more. +There was meantime breathless silence. Then she pointed imperiously to +the door. The man sullenly held his place. She tiptoed to the +door--opened it; again imperiously gestured. He would not stir. + +"I'll go," he whispered, "if you tell me I can come back." + +The boy awoke--but was yet blinded by sleep; and the room was dim-lit. +He rubbed his eyes. The man and the woman stood rigid in the shadow. + +"Is it you, mother?" + +There was no resisting her command--her flashing eyes, the passionate +gesture. The man moved to the door, muttering that he would come +back--and disappeared. She closed the door after him. + +"Yes, dear," she answered. "It is your mother." + +"Was there a man with you?" + +"It was Lord Wychester," she said, brightly, "seeing me home from the +party." + +"Oh!" he yawned. + +"Go to sleep." + +He fell asleep at once. The stair creaked. The tenement was again +quiet.... + + +He was lying in his mother's place in the bed.... She looked out upon +the river. Somewhere, far below in the darkness, the current still ran +swirling to the sea--where the lights go different ways.... The boy +was lying in his mother's place. And before she lifted him, she took +his warm little hand, and kissed his brow, where the dark curls lay +damp with the sweat of sleep. For a long, long time, she sat watching +him through a mist of glad tears. The sight of his face, the outline +of his body under the white coverlet, the touch of his warm flesh: all +this thrilled her inexpressibly. Had she been devout, she would have +thanked God for the gift of a son--and would have found relief.... +When she crept in beside him, she drew him to her, tenderly still +closer, until he was all contained in her arms; and she forgot all +else--and fell asleep, untroubled. + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _At Midnight_] + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _A Meeting by Chance_] + + + + +_A MEETING BY CHANCE_ + +Came, then, into the lives of these two, to work wide and immediate +changes, the Rev. John Fithian, a curate of the Church of the Lifted +Cross--a tall, free-moving, delicately spare figure, clad in spotless +black, with a hint of fashion about it, a dull gold crucifix lying +suspended upon the breast: pale, long of face, the eye-sockets deep and +shadowy; hollow-cheeked, the bones high and faintly touched with red; +with black, straight, damp hair, brushed back from a smooth brow and +falling in the perfection of neatness to the collar--the whole severe +and forbidding, indeed, but for saving gray eyes, wherein there lurked, +behind the patient agony, often displacing it, a tender smile, +benignant, comprehending, infinitely sympathetic, by which the gloomy +exterior was lightened and in some surprising way gratefully explained. + + +By chance, on the first soft spring day of that year, the Rev. John +Fithian, returning from the Neighbourhood Settlement, where he had +delighted himself with good deeds, done of pure purpose, came near the +door of the Box Street tenement, distributing smiles, pennies, +impulsive, genuine caresses, to the children as he went, tipping their +faces, patting their heads, all in the rare, unquestioned way, being +not alien to the manner of the poor. A street piano, at the corner, +tinkled an air to which a throng of ragged, lean little girls danced in +the yellow sunshine, dodging trucks and idlers and impatient +pedestrians with unconcern, colliding and tripping with utmost good +nature. The curate was arrested by the voice of a child, singing to +the corner accompaniment--low, in the beginning, brooding, tentative, +but in a moment rising sure and clear and tender. It was not hard for +the Rev. John Fithian to slip a cassock and surplice upon this wistful +child, to give him a background of lofty arches and stained windows, to +frame the whole in shadows. And, lo! in the chancel of the Church of +the Lifted Cross there stood an angel, singing. + +The boy looked up, a glance of suspicion, of fear; but he was at once +reassured: there was no guile in the smiling gray eyes of the +questioner. + +"I am waiting," he answered, "for my mother. She will be home soon." + +In a swift, penetrating glance, darting far and deep, dwelling briefly, +the curate discovered the pathos of the child's life--the unknowing, +patient outlook, the vague sense of pain, the bewilderment, the wistful +melancholy, the hopeful determination. + +"You, too!" he sighed. + +The expression of kindred was not comprehended; but the boy was not +disquieted by the sigh, by the sudden extinguishment of the beguiling +smile. + +"She has gone," he continued, "to the wedding of Sir Arthur Coll and +Miss Stillison. She will have a very good time." + +The curate came to himself with a start and a gasp. + +"She's a bridesmaid," the boy added. + +"Oh!" ejaculated the curate. + +"Why do you say, 'Oh!'" the boy complained, frowning. "Everybody says +that," he went on, wistfully; "and I don't know why." + +The curate was a gentleman--acute and courteous. "A touch of +indigestion," he answered, promptly, laying a white hand on his black +waistcoat. "Oh! There it is again!" + +"Stomach ache?" + +"Well, you might call it that." + +The boy was much concerned. "If you come up-stairs," said he, +anxiously, "I'll give you some medicine. Mother keeps it for me." + +Thus, presently, the curate found himself top-floor rear, in the room +that overlooked the broad river, the roofs of the city beyond, the +misty hills: upon which the fading sunshine now fell. And having +gratefully swallowed the dose, with a broad, persistent smile, he was +given a seat by the window, that the beauty of the day, the +companionship of the tiny craft on the river, the mystery of the +far-off places, might distract and comfort him. From the boy, sitting +upright and prim on the extreme edge of a chair, his feet on the rung, +his hands on his knees, proceeded a stream of amiable chatter--not the +less amiable for being grave--to which the curate, compelled to his +best behavior, listened with attention as amiable, as grave: and this +concerned the boats, afloat below, the lights on the river, the child's +mother, the simple happenings of his secluded life. So untaught was +this courtesy, spontaneous, native--so did it spring from natural wish +and perception--that the curate was soon more mystified than +entertained; and so did the curate's smile increase in gratification +and sympathy that the child was presently off the chair, lingering half +abashed in the curate's neighbourhood, soon seated familiarly upon his +knee, toying with the dull gold crucifix. + +"What's this?" he asked. + +"It is the symbol," the curate answered, "of the sacrifice of our dear +Lord and Saviour." + +There was no meaning in the words; but the boy held the cross very +tenderly, and looked long upon the face of the Man there in +torture--and was grieved and awed by the agony.... + + +In the midst of this, the boy's mother entered. She stopped dead +beyond the threshold--warned by the unexpected presence to be upon her +guard. Her look of amazement changed to a scowl of suspicion. The +curate put the boy from his knee. He rose--embarrassed. There was a +space of ominous silence. + +"What you doing here?" the woman demanded. + +"Trespassing." + +She was puzzled--by the word, the smile, the quiet voice. The whole +was a new, nonplussing experience. Her suspicion was aggravated. + +"What you been telling the boy? Eh? What you been saying about me? +Hear me? Ain't you got no tongue?" She turned to the frightened +child. "Richard," she continued, her voice losing all its quality of +anger, "what lies has this man been telling you about your poor mother?" + +The boy kept a bewildered silence. + +"What you been lying about?" the woman exclaimed, advancing upon the +curate, her eyes blazing. + +"I have been telling," he answered, still gravely smiling, "the truth." + +Her anger was halted--but she was not pacified. + +"Telling," the curate repeated, with a little pause, "the truth." + +"You been talking about _me_, eh?" + +"No; it was of your late husband." + +She started. + +"I am a curate of the Church of the Lifted Cross," the curate +continued, with unruffled composure, "and I have been telling the exact +truth concerning----" + +"You been lying!" the woman broke in. "Yes, you have!" + +"No--not so," he insisted. "The exact truth concerning the funeral of +Dick Slade from the Church of the Lilted Cross. Your son has told me +of his father's death--of the funeral, And I have told your son that I +distinctly remember the occasion. I have told him, moreover," he +added, putting a hand on the boy's shoulder, his eyes faintly +twinkling, "that his father was--ah--as I recall him--of most +distinguished appearance." + +She was completely disarmed. + + +When, after an agreeable interval, the Rev. John Fithian took his +leave, the boy's mother followed him from the room, and closed the door +upon the boy. "I'm glad," she faltered, "that you didn't give me away. +It was--kind. But I'm sorry you lied--like that. You didn't have to, +you know. He's only a child. It's easy to fool him. _You_ wouldn't +have to lie. But I _got_ to lie. It makes him happy--and there's +things he mustn't know. He _must_ be happy. I can't stand it when he +ain't. It hurts me so. But," she added, looking straight into his +eyes, gratefully, "you didn't have to lie. And--it was kind." Her +eyes fell. "It was--awful kind." + +"I may come again?" + +She stared at the floor. "Come again?" she muttered. "I don't know." + +"I should very much like to come." + +"What do you want?" she asked, looking up. "It ain't _me_, is it?" + +The curate shook his head. + +"Well, what do you want? I thought you was from the Society. I +thought you was an agent come to take him away because I wasn't fit to +keep him. But it ain't that. And it ain't _me_. What is it you want, +anyhow?" + +"To come again." + +She turned away. He patiently waited. All at once she looked into his +eyes, long, deep, intensely--a scrutiny of his very soul. + +"You got a good name to keep, ain't you?" she asked. + +"Yes," he answered. "And you?" + +"It don't matter about me." + +"And I may come?" + +"Yes," she whispered. + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _Renunciation_] + + + + +_RENUNCIATION_ + +After that the curate came often to the room in the Box Street +tenement; but beyond the tenants of top floor rear he did not allow the +intimacy to extend--not even to embrace the quaintly love-lorn Mr. +Poddle. It was now summer; the window was open to the west wind, +blowing in from the sea. Most the curate came at evening, when the +breeze was cool and clean, and the lights began to twinkle in the +gathering shadows: then to sit at the window, describing unrealities, +not conceived in the world of the listeners; and these new and +beautiful thoughts, melodiously voiced in the twilight, filled the +hours with wonder and strange delight. Sometimes, the boy sang--his +mother, too, and the curate: a harmony of tender voices, lifted softly. +And once, when the songs were all sung, and the boy had slipped away to +the comfort of Mr. Poddle, who was now ill abed with his restless +lungs, the curate turned resolutely to the woman. + +"I want the boy's voice," he said. + +She gave no sign of agitation. "His voice?" she asked, quietly. +"Ain't the boy's _self_ nothing to your church?" + +"Not," he answered, "to the church." + +"Not to you?" + +"It is very much," he said, gravely, "to me." + +"Well?" + +He lifted his eyebrows--in amazed comprehension. "I must say, then," +he said, bending eagerly towards her, "that I want the boy?" + +"The boy," she answered. + +For a little while she was silent--vacantly contemplating the bare +floor. There had been no revelation. She was not taken unaware. She +had watched his purpose form. Long before, she had perceived the issue +approaching, and had bravely met it. But it was all now definite and +near. She found it hard to command her feeling--bitter to cut the +trammels of her love for the child. + +"You got to pay, you know," she said, looking up. "Boy sopranos is +scarce. You can't have him cheap." + +"Of course!" he hastened to say. "The church will pay." + +"Money? It ain't money I want." + +To this there was nothing to say. The curate was in the dark--and +quietly awaited enlightenment. + +"Take him!" she burst out, rising. "My God! just you take him. That's +all I want. Understand me? I want to get rid of him." + +He watched her in amazement. For a time she wandered about the room, +distraught, quite aimless: now tragically pausing; now brushing her +hand over her eyes--a gesture of weariness and despair. Then she faced +him. + +"Take him," she said, her voice hoarse. "Take him away from me. I +ain't fit to have him. Understand? He's got to grow up into a man. +And I can't teach him how. Take him. Take him altogether. Make +him--like yourself. Before you come," she proceeded, now feverishly +pacing the floor, "I never knew that men was good. No man ever looked +in my eyes the way you do. I know them--oh, I know them! And when my +boy grows up, I want him to look in the eyes of women the way you +look--in mine. Just that! Only that! If only, oh, if only my son +will look in the eyes of women the way you look in mine! Understand? +I _want_ him to. But I can't teach him how. I don't know enough. I +ain't good enough." + +The curate rose. + +"You can't take his voice and leave his soul," she went on. "You got +to take his soul. You got to make it--like your own." + +"Not like mine!" + +"Just," she said, passionately, "like yours. Don't you warn me!" she +flashed. "I know the difference between your soul and mine. I know +that when his soul is like yours he won't love me no more. But I can't +help that. I got to do without him. I got to live my life--and let +him live his. It's the way with mothers and sons. God help the +mothers! It's the way of the world.... And he'll go with you," she +added. "I'll get him so he'll be glad to go. It won't be nice to +do--but I can do it. Maybe you think I can't. Maybe you think I love +him too much. It ain't that I love him too much. It's because I love +him _enough_!" + +"You offer the boy to me?" + +"Will you take him--voice and soul?" + +"I will take him," said the curate, "soul and voice." + +She began at once to practice upon the boy's love for her--this +skillfully, persistently: without pity for herself or him. She sighed, +wept, sat gloomy for hours together: nor would she explain her sorrow, +but relentlessly left it to deal with his imagination, by which it was +magnified and touched with the horror of mystery. It was not +hard--thus to feign sadness, terror, despair: to hint misfortune, +parting, unalterable love. Nor could the boy withstand it; by this +depression he was soon reduced to a condition of apprehension and grief +wherein self-sacrifice was at one with joyful opportunity. Dark days, +these--hours of agony, premonition, fearful expectation. And when they +had sufficiently wrought upon him, she was ready to proceed. + +One night she took him in her lap, in the old close way, in which he +loved to be held, and sat rocking, for a time, silently. + +"Let us talk, dear," she said. + +"I think I'm too sick," he sighed. "I just want to lie here--and not +talk." + +He had but expressed her own desire--to have him lie there: not to +talk, but just to feel him lying in her arms. + +"We must," she said. + +Something in her voice--something distinguishable from the recent days +as deep and real--aroused the boy. He touched the lashes of her +eyes--and found them wet. + +"Why are you crying?" he asked. "Oh, tell me, mother! Tell me _now_!" + +She did not answer. + +"I'm sick," he muttered. "I--I--think I'm very sick." + +"Something has happened, dear," she said. "I'm going to tell you +what." She paused--and in the pause felt his body grow tense in a +familiar way. For a moment the prospect frightened her. She felt, +vaguely, that she was playing with that which was infinitely +delicate--which might break in her very hands, and leave her desolate. +"You know, dear," she continued, faltering, "we used to be very rich. +But we're not, any more." It was a poor lie--she realized that: and +was half ashamed. "We're very poor, now," she went on, hurriedly. "A +man broke into the bank and stole all your mother's gold and diamonds +and lovely dresses. She hasn't anything--any more." She had conceived +a vast contempt for the lie; she felt that it was a weak, unpracticed +thing--but she knew that it was sufficient: for he had never yet +doubted her. "So I don't know what she'll do," she concluded, weakly. +"She will have to stop having good times, I guess. She will have to go +to work." + +He straightened in her lap. "No, no!" he cried, gladly. "_I'll_ work!" + +Her impulse was to express her delight in his manliness, her triumphant +consciousness of his love--to kiss him, to hug him until he cried out +with pain. But she restrained all this--harshly, pitilessly. She had +no mercy upon herself. + +"I'll work!" he repeated. + +"How?" she asked. "You don't know how." + +"Teach me." + +She laughed--an ironical little laugh: designed to humiliate him. +"Why," she exclaimed, "I don't know how to teach you!" + +He sighed. + +"But," she added, significantly, "the curate knows." + +"Then," said he, taking hope, "the curate will teach me." + +"Yes; but----" + +"But what? Tell me quick, mother!" + +"Well," she hesitated, "the curate is so busy. Anyhow, dear," she +continued, "I would have to work. We are very poor. You see, dear, it +takes a great deal of money to buy new clothes for you. And, then, +dear, you see----" + +He waited--somewhat disturbed by the sudden failure of her voice. It +was all becoming bitter to her, now; she found it hard to continue. + +"You see," she gasped, "you eat--quite a bit." + +"I'll not eat much," he promised. "And I'll not want new clothes. And +it won't take long for the curate to teach me how to work." + +She would not agree. + +"Tell me!" he commanded. + +"Yes," she said; "but the curate says he wants you to live with him." + +"Would you come, too?" + +"No," she answered. + +He did not yet comprehend. "Would I go--alone?" + +"Yes." + +"All alone?" + +"Alone!" + +Quiet fell upon all the world--in the twilighted room, in the tenement, +in the falling night without, where no breeze moved. The child sought +to get closer within his mother's arms, nearer to her bosom--then +stirred no more. The lights were flashing into life on the +river--wandering aimlessly: but yet drifting to the sea.... Some one +stumbled past the door--grumbling maudlin wrath. + +"There is no other way," the mother said. + +There was no response--a shiver, subsiding at once: no more than that. + +"And I would go to see you--quite often." + +She tried to see his face; but it was hid against her. + +"It would be better," she whispered, "for you." + +"Oh, mother," he sobbed, sitting back in her lap, "what would you do +without me?" + +It was a crucial question--so appealing in unselfish love, so vividly +portraying her impending desolation, that for an instant her resolution +departed. What would she do without him? God knew! But she commanded +herself. + +"I would not have to work," she said. + +He turned her face to the light--looked deep in her eyes, searching for +the truth. She met his glance without wavering. Then, discerning the +effect, deliberately, when his eyes were alight with filial love and +concern, at the moment when the sacrifice was most clear and most +poignant, she lied. + +"I would be happier," she said, "without you." + +A moan escaped him. + +"Will you go with the curate?" she asked. + +"Yes." + +He fell back upon her bosom.... + + +There was no delay. 'Twas all done in haste. The night came. Gently +the curate took the child from her arms. + +"Good-bye," she said. + +"I said I would not cry, mother," he faltered. "I am not crying." + +"Good-bye, dear." + +"Mother, I am not crying." + +"You are very brave," she said, discovering his wish. "Good-bye. Be a +good boy." + +He took the curate's hand. They moved to the door--but there turned +and lingered. While the child looked upon his mother, bravely calling +a smile to his face, that she might be comforted, there crept into his +eyes, against his will, some reproach. Perceiving this, she staggered +towards him, but halted at the table, which she clutched: and there +stood, her head hanging forward, her body swaying. Then she levelled a +finger at the curate. + +"Take him away, you damn fool!" she screamed. + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _Renunciation_] + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _In the Current_] + + + + +_IN THE CURRENT_ + +Seven o'clock struck. It made no impression upon her. Eight +o'clock--nine o'clock. It was now dark. Ten o'clock. She did not +hear. Still at the window, her elbow on the sill, her chin resting in +her hand, she kept watch on the river--but did not see the river: but +saw the sea, wind-tossed and dark, where the lights go wide apart. +Eleven o'clock. Ghostly moonlight filled the room. The tenement, +restless in the summer heat, now sighed and fell asleep. Twelve +o'clock. She had not moved: nor dared she move. There was a knock at +the door--a quick step behind her. She turned in alarm. + +"Millie!" + +She rose. Voice and figure were well known to her. She started +forward--but stopped dead. + +"Is it you, Jim?" she faltered. + +"Yes, Millie. It's me--come back. You don't feel the way you did +before, do you, girl?" He suddenly subdued his voice--as though +recollecting a caution. "You ain't going to send me away, are you?" he +asked. + +"Go 'way!" she complained. "Leave me alone." + +He came nearer. + +"Give me a show, Jim," she begged. "Go 'way. It ain't fair to +come--now. Hear me?" she cried, in protest against his nearer +approach, her voice rising shrilly. "It ain't fair----" + +"Hist!" he interrupted. "You'll wake the----" + +She laughed harshly. "Wake what?" she mocked. "Eh, Jim? What'll I +wake?" + +"Why, Millie!" he exclaimed. "You'll wake the boy." + +"Boy!" she laughed. "What boy? There ain't no boy. Look here!" she +cried, rushing impetuously to the bed, throwing back the coverlet, +wildly tossing the pillows to the floor. "What'll I wake? Eh, Jim? +Where's the boy I'll wake?" She turned upon him. "What you saying +'Hist!' for? Hist!" she mocked, with a laugh. "Talk as loud as you +like, Jim. You don't need to care what you say or how you say it. +There ain't nobody here to mind you. For I tell you," she stormed, +"there ain't no boy--no more!" + +He caught her hand. + +"Let go my hand!" she commanded. "Keep off, Jim! I ain't in no temper +to stand it--to-night." + +He withdrew. "Millie," he asked, in distress, "the boy ain't----" + +"Dead?" she laughed. "No. I give him away. He was different from us. +I didn't have no right to keep him. I give him to a parson. Because," +she added, defiantly, "I wasn't fit to bring him up. And he ain't here +no more," she sighed, blankly sweeping the moonlit room. "I'm all +alone--now." + +"Poor girl!" he muttered. + +She was tempted by this sympathy. "Go home, Jim," she said. "It ain't +fair to stay. I'm all alone, now--and it ain't treating me right." + +"Millie," he answered, "you ain't treating yourself right." + +She flung out her arms--in dissent and hopelessness. + +"No, you ain't," he continued. "You've give him up. You're all alone. +You can't go on--alone. Millie, girl," he pleaded, softly, "I want +you. Come to me!" + +She wavered. + +"Come to me!" he repeated, his voice tremulous, his arms extended. +"You're all alone. You've lost him. Come to me!" + +"Lost him?" she mused. "No--not that. If I'd lost him, Jim, I'd take +you. If ever he looked in my eyes--as if I'd lost him--I'd take you. +I've give him up; but I ain't lost him. Maybe," she proceeded, +eagerly, "when the time comes, he'll not give me up. He loves me, Jim; +he'll not forget. I know he's different from us. You can't tell a +mother nothing about such things as that. God!" she muttered, clasping +her hands, "how strangely different he is. And every day he'll change. +Every day he'll be--more different. That's what I want. That's why I +give him up. To make him--more different! But maybe," she continued, +her voice rising with the intensity of her feeling, "when he grows up, +and the time comes--maybe, Jim, when he can't be made no more +different--maybe, when I go to him, man grown--are you +listening?--maybe, when I ask him if he loves me, he'll remember! +Maybe, he'll take me in. Lost him?" she asked. "How do you know that? +Go to you, Jim? Go to you, now--when he might take me in if I wait? I +can't! Don't you understand? When the time comes, he might ask +me--where you was." + +"You're crazy, Millie," the man protested. "You're just plain crazy." + +"Crazy? Maybe, I am. To love and hope! Crazy? Maybe, I am. But, +Jim, mothers is all that way." + +"All that way?" he asked, regarding her with a speculative eye. + +"Mothers," she repeated, "is all that way." + +"Well," said he, swiftly advancing, "lovers isn't." + +"Keep back!" she cried. + +"No, I won't." + +"You'll make a cat of me. I warn you, Jim!" + +"You can't keep me off. You said you loved me. You do love me. You +can't help yourself. You got to marry me." + +She retreated. "Leave me alone!" she screamed. "I can't. Don't you +see how it is? Quit that, now, Jim! You ain't fair. Take your arms +away. God help me! I love you, you great big brute! You know I do. +You ain't fair.... Stop! You hurt me." She was now in his arms--but +still resisting. "Leave me alone," she whimpered. "You hurt me. You +ain't fair. You know I love you--and you ain't fair.... Oh, God +forgive me! Don't do that again, Jim. Stop! Let me go. For God's +sake, stop kissing me! I like you, Jim. I ain't denying that. But +let me go.... Please, Jim! Don't hold me so tight. It ain't fair.... +Oh, it ain't fair...." + +She sank against his broad breast; and there she lay helpless--bitterly +sobbing. + +"Don't cry, Millie!" he whispered. + +Still she sobbed. + +"Oh, don't cry, girl!" he repeated, tenderly. "It's all right. I +won't hurt you. You love me, and I love you. That's all right, +Millie. What's the matter with you, girl? Lift your face, won't you?" + +"No, no!" + +"Why not, Millie?" + +"I don't know," she whispered. "I think I'm--ashamed." + +There was no longer need to hold her fast. His arms relaxed. She did +not move from them. And while they stood thus, in the moonlight, +falling brightly through the window, he stroked her hair, murmuring, +the while, all the reassuring words at his command. + +"The boy's gone," he said, at last. "You'd be all alone without me. +He ain't here. But he's well looked after, Millie. Don't you fret +about him. By this time he's sound asleep." + +She slipped from his embrace. He made no effort to detain her: +conceiving her secure in his possession. A moment she stood staring at +the floor, lost to her surroundings: then quickly turned to look upon +him--her face aglow with some high tenderness. + +"Asleep?" she asked, her voice low, tremulous. + +"Sound asleep." + +"How do you know that he's asleep?" she pursued. "Asleep? No; he +ain't asleep." She paused--now woebegone. "He's wide awake--waiting," +she went on. "He's waiting--just like he used to do--for me to come +in.... He's awake. Oh, sore little heart! He's lying alone in the +dark--waiting. And his mother will not come.... Last night, Jim, when +I come in, he was there in the bed, awake and waiting. 'Oh, mother,' +says he, 'I'm glad you're come at last. I been waiting so long. It's +lonesome here in the dark without you. And to-morrow I'll wake, and +wait, and wait; but you will not come!' He's awake, Jim. Don't you +tell me no different. The pillow's wet with his tears.... Lonely +child--waiting for me! Oh, little heart of my baby! Oh, sore little +heart!" + +"Millie!" + +"It ain't no use no more, Jim. You better go home. I'm all alone. My +child's not here. But--he's somewhere. And it's him I love." + +The man sighed and went away.... + + +Left alone, she put the little room in order and made the bed, blinded +by tears, her steps uncertain: muttering incoherently of her child, +whimpering broken snatches of lullaby songs. When there was no more +work left for her hands to do, she staggered to the bureau, and from +the lower drawer took a great, flaunting doll, which she had there +kept, poor soul! against the time when her arms would be empty, her +bosom aching for a familiar weight upon it. And for a time she sat +rocking the cold counterfeit, crooning, faintly singing, caressing it; +but she had known the warmth, the sweet restlessness, the soft, +yielding form of the living child, and could not be content. +Presently, in a surge of disgust, she flung the substitute violently +from her. + +"It ain't no baby," she moaned, putting her hands to her face. "It's +only a doll!" + +She sank limp to the floor. There she lay prone--the moonlight falling +softly upon her, but healing her not at all. + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _In the Current_] + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _The Chorister_] + + + + +_THE CHORISTER_ + +The Rev. John Fithian lived alone with a man-servant in a +wide-windowed, sombre, red old house, elbowed by tenements, near the +Church of the Lifted Cross--once a fashionable quarter: now mean, +dejected, incongruously thronged, and fast losing the last appearances +of respectability. Sombre without--half-lit, silent, vast within: the +whole intolerant of frivolity, inharmony, garishness, ugliness, but yet +quite free of gloom and ghostly suggestion. The boy tiptoed over the +thick carpets, spoke in whispers, eyed the shadowy corners--sensitive +to impressions, forever alert: nevertheless possessing a fine feeling +of security and hopefulness; still wistful, often weeping in the night, +but not melancholy. Responsive to environment, by nature harmonious +with his new surroundings, he presently moved through the lofty old +rooms with a manner reflecting their own--the same gravity, serenity, +old-fashioned grace: expressing even their stateliness in a quaint and +childish way. Thus was the soil of his heart prepared for the seed of +a great change. + + +By and by the curate enlightened the child concerning sin and the +Vicarious Sacrifice. This was when the leaves were falling from the +trees in the park--a drear, dark night: the wind sweeping the streets +in violent gusts, the rain lashing the windowpanes. Night had come +unnoticed--swiftly, intensely: in the curate's study a change from gray +twilight to firelit shadows. The boy was squatted on the hearth-rug, +disquieted by the malicious beating at the window, glad to be in the +glow of the fire: his visions all of ragged men and women cowering from +the weather. + +"It is time, now," the curate sighed, "that I told you the story." + +"What story?" + +"The story of the Man who died for us." + +The boy turned--in wonderment. "I did not know," he said, quickly, +"that a man had died for us. What was his name? Why did he do it? My +mother never told me that story." + +"I think she does not know it." + +"Then I'll tell her when I learn." + +"Perhaps," said the curate, "she will like to hear it--from you." + +Very gently, then, in his deep, mellifluous voice--while the rain beat +upon the windows, crying out the sorrows of the poor--the curate +unfolded the poignant story: the terms simple, the recital clear, +vivid, complete.... And to the heart of this child the appeal was +immediate and irresistible. + +"And they who sin," the curate concluded, "crucify Him again." + +"I love that Jesus!" the boy sobbed. "I love Him--almost as much as +mother." + +"Almost?" + +The boy misunderstood. He felt reproved. He flushed--ashamed that the +new love had menaced the old. "No," he answered; "but I love Him very +much." + +"Not as much?" + +"Oh, I could not!" + +The boy was never afterwards the same. All that was inharmonious in +life--the pain and poverty and unloveliness--became as sin: a +continuous crucifixion, hateful, wringing the heart.... + + +Late in the night, when he lay sleepless, sick for his mother's +presence, her voice, her kisses, her soothing touch, the boy would rise +to sit at the window--there to watch shadowy figures flit through the +street-lamp's circle of light. Once he fancied that his mother came +thus out of the night, that for a moment she paused with upturned +glance, then disappeared in woe and haste: returning, halted again; but +came no more.... + + +At rare intervals the boy's mother came to the curate's door. She +would not enter: but timidly waited for her son, and then went with him +to the park, relieved to be away from the wide, still house, her +spirits and self-confidence reviving with every step. One mellow +evening, while they sat together in the dusk, an ill-clad man, gray and +unkempt, shuffled near. + +"Mother," the boy whispered, gripping her hand, "he is looking at us." + +She laughed. "Let him look!" said she. "It don't matter." + +The man staggered to the bench--heavily sat down: limp and shameless, +his head hanging. + +"Let us go away!" the boy pleaded. + +"Why, darling?" his mother asked, puzzled. "What's the matter with +you, anyhow?" She looked at him--realizing some subtle change in him, +bewildered by it: searching eagerly for the nature and cause. "You +didn't used to be like that," she said. + +"I don't like him. He's wicked. He frightens me." + +The man slipped suddenly from the bench--sprawling upon the walk. The +woman laughed. + +"Don't laugh!" the boy exclaimed--a cry of reproach, not free of +indignation. "Oh, mother," he complained, putting her hand to his +cheek, "how could you!" + +She did not answer. The derelict picked himself up, whining in a +maudlin way. + +"How could you!" the boy repeated. + +"Oh," said she, lightly, "he's all right. He won't hurt us." + +"He's wicked!" + +"He's drunk. It don't matter. What's come over you, dear?" + +"I'm afraid," said the boy. "He's sinful." + +"He's only drunk, poor man!" + +High over the houses beyond, the steeple of the Church of the Lifted +Cross pierced the blue-black sky. It was tipped with a blazing +cross--a great cross, flaming in the night: a symbol of sacrifice, a +hope, a protest, raised above the feverish world. To this the boy +looked. It transported him far from the woman whose hand he clutched. + +"They who sin," he muttered, his eyes still turned to the lifted cross, +"crucify the dear Lord again!" + +His mother was both mystified and appalled. She followed his +glance--but saw only the familiar landmark: an illuminated cross, +topping a steeple. + +"For God's sake, Richard!" she demanded, "what you talking about?" + +He did not hear. + +"You ain't sick, are you?" she continued. + +He shook his head. + +"What's the matter with you?" she implored. "Oh, tell your mother!" + +He loosened his hand from her clasp, withdrew it: but instantly caught +her hand again, and kissed it passionately. So much concerned was she +for his physical health that the momentary shrinking escaped her. + +"You're sick," she said. "I know you are. You're singing too much in +the church." + +"No." + +"Then you're eating too much lemon pie," she declared, anxiously. +"You're too fond of that. It upsets your stomach. Oh, Richard! +Shame, dear! I told you not to." + +"You told me not to eat _much_," he said. "So I don't eat any--to make +sure." + +She was aware of the significance of this sacrifice--and kissed him +quickly in fond approval. Then she turned up his coat-sleeve. "The +fool!" she cried. "You got cold. That's what's the matter with you. +Here it is November! And he ain't put your flannels on. That there +curate," she concluded, in disgust, "don't know nothing about raising a +boy." + +"I'm quite well, mother." + +"Then what's the matter with you?" + +"I'm sad!" he whispered. + +She caught him to her breast--blindly misconceiving the meaning of +this: in her ignorance concluding that he longed for her, and was sick +because of that.... And while she held him close, the clock of the +Church of the Lifted Cross chimed seven. In haste she put him down, +kissed him, set him on his homeward way; and she watched him until he +was lost in the dusk and distance of the park. Then, concerned, +bewildered, she made haste to that quarter of the city--that swarming, +flaring, blatant place--where lay her occupation for the night. + +Near Christmas, in a burst of snowy weather, the boy sang his first +solo at the Church of the Lifted Cross: this at evening. His mother, +conspicuously gowned, somewhat overcome by the fashion of the place, +which she had striven to imitate--momentarily chagrined by her +inexplicable failure to be in harmony--seated herself obscurely, where +she had but an infrequent glimpse of his white robe, wistful face, +dark, curling hair. She had never loved him more proudly--never before +realized that his value extended beyond the region of her arms: never +before known that the babe, the child, the growing boy, mothered by +her, nursed at her breast, her possession, was a gift to the world, +sweet and inspiring. "Angels, ever bright and fair!" She felt the +thrill of his tender voice; perceived the impression: the buzz, the +subsiding confusion, the spell-bound stillness. "Take, oh, take me to +your care!" It was in her heart to strike her breasts--to cry out that +this was her son, born of her; her bosom his place.... + +When the departing throng had thinned in the aisle, she stepped from +the pew, and stood waiting. There passed, then, a lady in rich +attire--sweet-faced, of exquisite manner. A bluff, ruddy young man +attended her. + +"Did you like the music?" he asked--a conventional question: everywhere +repeated. + +"Perfectly lovely!" she replied. "A wonderful voice! And such a +pretty child!" + +"I wonder," said he, "who the boy can be?" + +Acting upon ingenuous impulse, the boy's mother overtook the man, +timidly touched his elbow, looked into his eyes, her own bright with +proud love. + +"He is my son," she said. + +The lady turned in amazement. In a brief, appraising glance, she +comprehended the whole woman; the outré gown, the pencilled eyebrows, +the rouged cheeks, the bleached hair. She took the man's arm. + +"Come!" she said. + +The man yielded. He bowed--smiled in an embarrassed way, flushing to +his sandy hair: turned his back. + +"How strange!" the lady whispered. + +The woman was left alone in the aisle--not chagrined by the rebuff, +being used to this attitude, sensitive no longer: but now knowing, for +the first time, that the world into which her child had gone would not +accept her.... The church was empty. The organ had ceased. One by +one the twinkling lights were going out. The boy came bounding down +the aisle. With a glad little cry he leaped into her waiting arms.... + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _The Chorister_] + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _Alienation_] + + + + +_ALIENATION_ + +This night, after a week of impatient expectation, they were by the +curate's permission to spend together in the Box Street tenement. It +was the boy's first return to the little room overlooking the river. +Thither they hurried through the driving snow, leaning to the blasts, +unconscious of the bitterness of the night: the twain in high +spirits--the boy chattering, merrily, incoherently, as he trotted at +his silent mother's side. Very happy, now, indeed, they raced up the +stair, rioting up flight after flight, to top floor rear, where there +was a cheery fire, a kettle bubbling on the stove, a lamp turned low--a +feeling of warmth and repose and welcome, which the broad window, +noisily shaken by a hearty winter wind from the sea, pleasantly +accentuated. + +The gladness of this return, the sudden, overwhelming realization of a +longing that had been agonizing in its intensity, excited the boy +beyond bounds. He gave an indubitable whoop of joy, which so startled +and amazed the woman that she stared open-mouthed; tossed his cap in +the air, flung his overcoat and gloves on the floor, peeped through the +black window-panes, pried into the cupboard, hugged his mother so +rapturously, so embarrassingly, that he tumbled her over and was +himself involved in the hilarious collapse: whereupon, as a measure of +protection while she laid the table, she despatched him across the hall +to greet Mr. Poddle, who was ill abed, anxiously awaiting him. + +The Dog-faced Man was all prinked for the occasion--his hirsute +adornment neatly brushed and braided, smoothly parted from crown over +brow and nose to chin: so that, though, to be sure, his appearance +instantly suggested a porcupine, his sensitive lips and mild gray eyes +were for once allowed to impress the beholder. The air of Hockley's +Musee had at last laid him by the heels. No longer, by any license of +metaphor, could his lungs be said to be merely restless. He was flat +on his back--white, wan, gasping: sweat dampening the hair on his brow. +But he bravely chirked up when the child entered, subdued and pitiful; +and though, in response to a glance of pain and concern, his eyes +overran with the weak tears of the sick, he smiled like a man to whom +Nature had not been cruel, while he pressed the small hand so swiftly +extended. + +"I'm sick, Richard," he whispered. "'Death No Respecter of Persons.' +Git me? 'High and Low Took By the Grim Reaper.' I'm awful sick." + +The boy, now seated on the bed, still holding the ghastly hand, hoped +that Mr. Poddle would soon be well. + +"No," said the Dog-faced Man. "I won't. 'Climax of a Notable Career.' +Git me? It wouldn't--be proper." + +Not proper? + +"No, Richard. It really wouldn't be proper. 'Dignified in Death.' +Understand? Distinguished men has their limits. 'Outlived His Fame.' +I really couldn't stand it. Git me?" + +"Not--quite." + +"Guess I'll have to tell you. Look!" The Dog-faced Man held up his +hand--but swiftly replaced it between the child's warm, sympathetic +palms. "No rings. Understand? 'Pawned the Family Jewells.' Git me? +'Reduced to Poverty.' Where's my frock coat? Where's my silk hat? +'Wardrobe of a Celebrity Sold For A Song.' Where's them two pair of +trousers? 'A Tragic Disappearance.' All up the spout. Everything +gone. 'Not a Stitch to His Name.' Really, Richard, it wouldn't be +proper to get well. A natural phenomenon of my standing +couldn't--simply _couldn't_, Richard--go back to the profession with a +wardrobe consistin' of two pink night-shirts, both the worse for wear. +It wouldn't _do_! On the Stage In Scant Attire.' I couldn't stand it. +'Fell From His High Estate.' It would break my heart." + +No word of comfort occurred to the boy. + +"So," sighed the Dog-faced Man, "I guess I better die. And the +quicker the better." + +To change the distressful drift of the conversation, the boy inquired +concerning the Mexican Sword Swallower. + +"Hush!" implored Mr. Poddle, in a way so poignant that the boy wished +he had been more discreet. "Them massive proportions! Them socks! +'Her Fate a Tattooed Man,'" he pursued, in gentle melancholy. "Don't +ask me! 'Nearing the Fateful Hour.' Poor child!' Wedded To A +Artificial Freak.'" + +"Is she married?" + +"No--not yet," Mr. Poddle explained. "But when the dragon's tail is +finished, accordin' to undenigeable report, the deed will be did. +'Shackled For Life.' Oh, my God! He's borrowed the money to pay the +last installment; and I'm informed that only the scales has to be +picked out with red. But why should I mourn?" he asked. "'Adored From +Afar.' Understand? That's what I got to do. 'His Love a Tragedy.' +Oh, Richard," Mr. Poddle concluded, in genuine distress, "that's me! +It couldn't be nothing else. Natural phenomens is natural phenomens. +'Paid the Penalty of Genius.' That's me!" + +The boy's mother called to him. + +"Richard," said Mr. Poddle, abruptly, "I'm awful sick. I can't last +much longer. Git me? I'm dyin'. And I'm poor. I ain't got a cent. +I'm forgot by the public. I'm all alone in the world. Nobody owes me +no kindness." He clutched the boy's hand. "Know who pays my rent? +Know who feeds me? Know who brings the doctor when I vomit blood? +Know who sits with me in the night--when I can't sleep? Know who +watches over me? Who comforts me? Who holds my hand when I git afraid +to die? Know who that is, Richard?" + +"Yes," the boy whispered. + +"Who is it?" + +"My mother!" + +"Yes--your mother," said the Dog-faced Man. He lifted himself on the +pillow. "Richard," he continued, "listen to me! I'll be dead, soon, +and then I can't talk to you no more. I can't say no word to you from +the grave--when the time she dreads has come. Listen to me!" His +voice rose. He was breathing in gasps. There was a light in his eyes. +"It is your mother. There ain't a better woman in all the world. +Listen to me! Don't you forget her. She loves you. You're all she's +got. Her poor heart is hungry for you. Don't you forget her. There +ain't a better woman nowhere. There ain't a woman more fit for heaven. +Don't you go back on her! Don't you let no black-and-white curick +teach you no different!" + +"I'll not forget!" said the boy. + +Mr. Poddle laid a hand on his head. "God bless you, Richard!" said he. + +The boy kissed him, unafraid of his monstrous countenance--and then +fled to his mother.... + + +For a long time the Dog-faced Man lay alone, listening to the voices +across the hall: himself smiling to know that the woman had her son +again; not selfishly reluctant to be thus abandoned. The door was +ajar. Joyous sounds drifted in--chatter, soft laughter, the rattle of +dishes.... Presently, silence: broken by the creaking of the +rocking-chair, and by low singing.... By and by, voices, speaking +gravely--in intimate converse: this for a long, long time, while the +muttering of the tenement ceased, and quiet fell.... A plea and an +imploring protest. She was wanting him to go to bed. There followed +the familiar indications that the child was being disrobed: shoes +striking the floor, yawns, sleepy talk, crooning encouragement.... +Then a strange silence--puzzling to the listener: not accountable by +his recollection of similar occasions. + +There was a quick step in the hall. + +"Poddle!" + +The Dog-faced Man started. There was alarm in the voice--despair, +resentment. On the threshold stood the woman--distraught: one hand +against the door-post, the other on her heart. + +"Poddle, he's----" + +Mr. Poddle, thrown into a paroxysm of fright by the pause, struggled to +his elbow, but fell back, gasping. + +"What's he doin'?" he managed to whisper. + +"Prayin'!" she answered, hoarsely. + +Mr. Poddle was utterly nonplussed. The situation was unprecedented: +not to be dealt with on the basis of past experience. + +"'Religion In Haste,'" he sighed, sadly confounded. "'Repent At +Leisure.'" + +"Prayin'!" she repeated, entering on tiptoe. "He's down on his +knees--_prayin'_!" She began to pace the floor--wringing her hands: a +tragic figure. "It's come, Poddle!" she whimpered, beginning now to +bite at her fingernails. "He's changed. He never seen me pray. _I_ +never told him how. Oh, he's--different. And he'll change more. I +got to face it. He'll soon be like the people that--that--don't +understand us. I couldn't stand it to see that stare in his eyes. +It'll kill me, Poddle! I knew it would come," she continued, +uninterrupted, Mr. Poddle being unable to come to her assistance for +lack of breath. "But I didn't think it would be so--awful soon. And I +didn't know how much it would hurt. I didn't _think_ about it. I +didn't dare. Oh, my baby!" she sobbed. "You'll not love your mother +any more--when you find her out. You'll be just like--all them +people!" She came to a full stop. "Poddle," she declared, trembling, +her voice rising harshly, "I got to do something. I got to do +it--_quick_! What shall I do? Oh, what shall I do?" + +Mr. Poddle drew a long breath. "Likewise!" he gasped. + +She did not understand. + +"Likewise!" Mr. Poddle repeated. "'Fought the Devil With Fire.' +Quick!" He weakly beckoned her to be off. "Don't--let him +know--you're different. Go and--pray yourself. Don't--let on +you--never done it--before." + +She gave him a glad glance of comprehension--and disappeared... + + +The boy had risen. + +"Oh!" she exclaimed, brightly. "You got through, didn't you, dear?" + +He was now sitting on the edge of the bed, his legs dangling--still +reluctant to crawl within. And he was very gravely regarding her, a +cloud of anxious wonder in his eyes. + +"Who taught you to," she hesitated, "do it--that way?" she pursued, +making believe to be but lightly interested. "The curate? Oh, my!" +she exclaimed, immediately changing the thought. "Your mother's awful +sleepy." She counterfeited a yawn. "I never kneel to--do it," she +continued. In a sharp glance she saw the wonder clearing from his +eyes, the beginnings of a smile appear about his lips; and she was +emboldened to proceed. "Some kneels," she said, "and some doesn't. +The curate, I suppose, kneels. That's his way. Now, _I_ don't. I was +brought up--the other way. I wait till I get in bed to--say mine. +When you was a baby," she rattled, "I used to--keep it up--for hours at +a time. I just _love_ to--do it. In bed, you know. I guess you never +seen me kneel, did you? But I think I will, after this, because +you--do it--that way." + +His serenity was quite restored. Glad to learn that his mother knew +the solace of prayer, he rolled back on the pillows. She tucked him in. + +"Now, watch me," she said. + +"And I," said he, "will pray all over again. In bed," he added; +"because that's the way _you_ do it." + +She knelt. "In God's name!" she thought, as she inclined her bead, +"what can I do? I've lost him. Oh, I've lost him.... What'll I do +when he finds out? He'll not love me then. Love me!" she thought, +bitterly. "He'll look at me like them people in the church. I can't +stand it! I got to _do_ something.... It won't be long. They'll tell +him--some one. And I can't do nothing to help it! But I _got_ to do +something.... My God! I got to do something. I'll dress better than +this. This foulard's a botch." New fashions in dress, in coiffures, +multiplied in her mind. She was groping, according to her poor +enlightenment. "The pompadour!" she mused, inspired, according to the +inspiration of her kind. "It might suit my style. I'll try it.... +But, oh, it won't do no good," she thought, despairing. "_It_ won't do +no good.... I've lost him! Good God! I've lost my own child...." + +She rose. + +"It took you an awful long time," said the boy. + +"Yes," she answered, absently. "I'm the real thing. When I pray, I +pray good and hard." + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _Alienation_] + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _A Child's Prayer_] + + + + +_A CHILD'S PRAYER_ + +The boy's room was furnished in the manner of the curate's +chamber--which, indeed, was severe and chaste enough: for the curate +practiced certain monkish austerities not common to the clergy of this +day. It was a white, bare little room, at the top of the house, +overlooking the street: a still place, into which, at bedtime, no +distraction entered to break the nervous introspection, the high, +wistful dreaming, sadly habitual to the child when left alone in the +dark. But always, of fine mornings, the sun came joyously to waken +him; and often, in the night, when he lay wakeful, the moon peeped in +upon the exquisite simplicity, and, discovering a lonely child, +companionably lingered to hearten him. The beam fell over the +window-sill, crawled across the floor, climbed the bare wall. + +There was a great white crucifix on the wall, hanging in the broad path +of the moonlight. It stared at the boy's pillow, tenderly appealing: +the head thorn-crowned, the body drawn tense, the face uplifted in +patient agony. Sometimes it made the boy cry. + +"They who sin," he would repeat, "crucify the dear Lord again!" + +It would be very hard, then, to fall asleep.... + +So did the crucifix on the wall work within the child's heart--so did +the shadows of the wide, still house impress him, so did the curate's +voice and gentle teaching, so did the gloom, the stained windows, the +lofty arches, the lights and low, sweet music of the Church of the +Lifted Cross favour the subtle change--that he was now moved to pain +and sickening disgust by rags and pinched faces and discord and dirt +and feverish haste and all manner of harshness and unloveliness, +conceiving them poignant as sin.... + + +Mother and son were in the park. It was evening--dusk: a grateful balm +abroad in the air. Men and women, returning from church, idled through +the spring night. + +"But, dear," said his mother, while she patted his hand, "you mustn't +_hate_ the wicked!" + +He looked up in wonder. + +"Oh, my! no," she pursued. "Poor things! They're not so bad--when you +know them. Some is real kind." + +"I could not _love_ them!" + +"Why not?" + +"I _could_ not!" + +So positive, this--the suggestion so scouted--that she took thought for +her own fate. + +"Would you love me?" she asked. + +"Oh, mother!" he laughed. + +"What would you do," she gravely continued, "if I was--a wicked woman?" + +He laughed again. + +"What would you do," she insisted, "if somebody told you I was bad?" + +"Mother," he answered, not yet affected by her earnestness, "you could +not be!" + +She put her hands on his shoulders. "What would you do?" she repeated. + +"Don't!" he pleaded, disquieted. + +Again the question--low, intense, demanding answer. He trembled. She +was not in play. A sinful woman? For a moment he conceived the +possibility--vaguely: in a mere flash of feeling. + +"What would you do?" + +"I don't know!" + +She sighed. + +"I think," he whispered, "that I'd--die!" + + +That night, when the moonlight had climbed to the crucifix on the wall, +the boy got out of bed. For a long time he stood in the beam of soft +light--staring at the tortured Figure. + +"I think I'd better do it!" he determined. + +He knelt--lifted his clasped hands--began his childish appeal. + +"Dear Jesus," he prayed, "my mother says that I must not hate the +wicked. You heard her, didn't you, dear Jesus? It was in the park, +to-night, after church--at the bench near the lilac bush. You _must_ +have heard her.... Mother says the wicked are kind, and not so bad. I +would like very much to love them. She says they're nice--when you +know them. I know she's right, of course. But it seems queer. And +she says I _ought_ to love them. So I want to do it, if you don't +mind.... Maybe, if you would let me be a little wicked for a little +while, I could do it. Don't you think, Jesus, dear, that it is a good +idea? A little wicked--for just a little while. I wouldn't care very +much, if you didn't mind. But if it hurts you very much, I don't want +to, if you please.... But I would like to be a little wicked. If I +do, please don't forget me. I would not like to be wicked long. Just +a little while. Then I would be good again--and love the wicked, as my +mother wants me to do. Good-bye. I mean--Amen!" + +The child knew nothing about sin. + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _A Child's Prayer_] + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _Mr. Poddle's Finale_] + + + + +_MR. PODDLE'S FINALE_ + +Of a yellow, balmy morning, with a languid breeze stirring the curtains +in the open windows of the street, a hansom cab, drawn by a lean gray +beast, appeared near the curate's door. What with his wild career, the +nature of his errand, the extraordinary character of his fare, the +driver was all elbows and eyes--a perspiring, gesticulating figure, +swaying widely on the high perch. + +Within was a lady so monstrously stout that she completely filled the +vehicle. Rolls of fat were tucked into every nook, jammed into every +corner, calked into every crevice; and, at last, demanding place, they +scandalously overflowed the apron. So tight was the fit--so crushed +and confined the lady's immensity--that, being quite unable to +articulate or stir, but desiring most heartily to do both, she could do +little but wheeze, and faintly wave a gigantic hand. + +Proceeding thus--while the passenger gasped, and the driver +gesticulated, and the hansom creaked and tottered, and the outraged +horse bent to the fearful labour--the equipage presently arrived at the +curate's door, and was there drawn up with a jerk. + +The Fat Lady was released, assisted to alight, helped across the +pavement; and having waddled up three steps of the flight, and being +unable without a respite to lift her massive foot for the fourth time, +she loudly demanded of the impassive door the instant appearance of +Dickie Slade: whereupon, the door flew open, and the boy bounded out. + +"Madame Lacara!" he cried. + +"Quick, child!" the Fat Lady wheezed. "Git your hat. Your mother +can't stay no longer--and I can't get up the stairs--and Poddle's +dyin'--and _git your hat_!" + +In a moment the boy returned. The Fat Lady was standing beside the +cab--the exhausted horse contemplating her with no friendly eye. + +"Git in!" said she. + +"Don't you do it," the driver warned. + +"Git in!" the Fat Lady repeated. + +"Not if he knows what's good for him," said the driver. "Not first." + +The boy hesitated. + +"Git in, child!" screamed the Fat Lady. + +"Don't you do it," said the driver. + +"Child," the Fat Lady gasped, exasperated, "git in!" + +"Not first," the driver repeated. "There ain't room for both; and once +she lets her weight down----" + +"Maybe," the Fat Lady admitted, after giving the matter most careful +consideration, "it would be better for you to set on me." + +"Maybe," the boy agreed, much relieved, "it would." + +So Madame Lacara entered, and took the boy in her arms; and off, at +last, they went towards the Box Street tenement, swaying, creaking, +wheezing, with a troop of joyous urchins in the wake.... + +It was early afternoon--with the sunlight lying thick and warm on the +window-ledge of Mr. Poddle's room, about to enter, to distribute cheer, +to speak its unfailing promises. The sash was lifted high; a gentle +wind, clean and blue, blowing from the sea, over the roofs and the +river, came sportively in, with a joyous little rush and swirl--but of +a sudden failed: hushed, as though by unexpected encounter with the +solemnity within. + +The boy's mother was gone. It was of a Saturday; she had not dared to +linger. When the boy entered, Mr. Poddle lay alone, lifted on the +pillows, staring deep into the wide, shining sky: composed and +dreamful. The distress of his deformity, as the pains of dissolution, +had been mitigated by the woman's kind and knowing hand: the tawny +hair, by nature rank and shaggy, by habit unkempt, now damp with sweat, +was everywhere laid smooth upon his face--brushed away from the eyes: +no longer permitted to obscure the fast failing sight. + +Beside him, close--drawing closer--the boy seated himself. Very low +and broken--husky, halting--was the Dog-faced Man's voice. The boy +must often bend his ear to understand. + +"The hirsute," Mr. Poddle whispered, "adornment. All ready for the +last appearance. 'Natural Phenomonen Meets the Common Fate.' +Celebrities," he added, with a little smile, "is just clay." + +The boy took his hand. + +"She done it," Mr. Poddle explained, faintly indicating the unusual +condition of his deforming hair, "with a little brush." + +"She?" the boy asked, with significant emphasis. + +"No," Mr. Poddle sighed. "Hush! Not She--just her." + +By this the boy knew that the Mexican Sword Swallower had not +relented--but that his mother had been kind. + +"She left that there little brush somewheres," Mr. Poddle continued, +with an effort to lift his head, but failing to do more than roll his +glazed eyes. "There was a little handkerchief with it. Can't you find +'em, Richard? I wish you could. They make me--more comfortable. Oh, +I'm glad you got 'em! I feel easier--this way. She said you'd stay +with me--to the last. She said, Richard, that maybe you'd keep the +hair away from my eyes, and the sweat from rollin' in. For I'm easier +that way; and I want to _see_," he moaned, "to the last!" + +The boy pressed his hand. + +"I'm tired of the hair," Mr. Poddle sighed. "I used to be proud of it; +but I'm tired of it--now. It's been admired, Richard; it's been +applauded. Locks of it has been requested by the Fair; and the Strong +has wished they was me. But, Richard, celebrities sits on a lonely +eminence. And I _been_ lonely, God knows! though I kept a smilin' +face.... I'm tired of the hair--tired of fame. It all looks +different--when you git sight of the Common Leveller. 'Tired of His +Talent.' Since I been lyin' here, Richard, sick and alone, I been +thinkin' that talent wasn't nothin' much after all. I been wishin', +Richard--wishin'!" + +The Dog-faced Man paused for breath. + +"I been wishin'," he gasped, "that I wasn't a phenomonen--but only a +man!" + + +The sunlight began to creep towards Mr. Poddle's bed--a broad, yellow +beam, stretching into the blue spaces without: lying like a golden +pathway before him. + +"Richard," said Mr. Poddle, "I'm goin' to die." + +The boy began to cry. + +"Don't cry!" Mr. Poddle pleaded. "I ain't afraid. Hear me, Richard? +I ain't afraid." + +"No, no!" + +"I'm glad to die. 'Death the Dog-faced Man's Best Friend.' I'm glad! +Lyin' here, I seen the truth. It's only when a man looks back that he +finds out what he's missed--only when he looks back, from the end of +the path, that he sees the flowers he might have plucked by the way.... +Lyin' here, I been lookin' back--far back. And my eyes is opened. Now +I see--now I know! I have been travellin' a road where the flowers +grows thick. But God made me so I couldn't pick 'em. It's love, +Richard, that men wants. Just love! It's love their hearts is thirsty +for.... And there wasn't no love--for me. I been awful thirsty, +Richard; but there wasn't no water anywhere in all the world--for me. +'Spoiled In the Making.' That's me. 'God's Bad Break.' Oh, that's +me! I'm not a natural phenomonen no more. I'm only a freak of nature. +I ain't got no kick comin'. I stand by what God done. Maybe it wasn't +no mistake; maybe He wanted to show all the people in the world what +would happen if He was in the habit of gittin' careless. Anyhow, I +guess He's man enough to stand by the job He done. He made me what I +am--a freak. I ain't to blame. But, oh, my God! Richard, it +hurts--to be that!" + +The boy brushed the tears from the Dog-faced Man's eyes. + +"No," Mr. Poddle repeated. "I ain't afraid to die. For I been +thinkin'--since I been lyin' here, sick and alone--I been thinkin' that +us mistakes has a good deal----" + +The boy bent close. + +"Comin' to us!" + +The sunlight was climbing the bed-post. + +"I been lookin' back," Mr. Poddle repeated. "Things don't look the +same. You gits a bird's-eye view of life--from your deathbed. And it +looks--somehow--different." + +There was a little space of silence--while the Dog-faced Man drew long +breaths: while his wasted hand wandered restlessly over the coverlet. + +"You got the little brush, Richard?" he asked, his voice changing to a +tired sigh. "The adornment has got in the way again." + +The boy brushed back the fallen hair--wiped away the sweat. + +"Your mother," said Mr. Poddle, faintly smiling, "does it better. +She's used--to doing it. You ain't--done it--quite right--have you? +You ain't got--all them hairs--out of the way?" + +"Yes." + +"Not all," Mr. Poddle gently persisted; "because I can't--see--very +well." + +While the boy humoured the fancy, Mr. Poddle lay musing--his hand still +straying over the coverlet: still feverishly searching. + +"I used to think, Richard," he whispered, "that it ought to be done--in +public." He paused--a flash of alarm in his eyes. "Do you hear me, +Richard?" he asked. + +"Yes." + +"Sure?" + +"Oh, yes!" + +Mr. Poddle frowned--puzzled, it may be, by the distant sound, the +muffled, failing rumble, of his own voice. + +"I used to think," he repeated, dismissing the problem, as beyond him, +"that I'd like to do it--in public." + +The boy waited. + +"Die," Mr. Poddle explained. + +A man went whistling gaily past the door. The merry air, the buoyant +step, were strangely not discordant; nor was the sunshine, falling over +the foot of the bed. + +"'Last Appearance of a Famous Freak!'" Mr. Poddle elucidated, his eyes +shining with delight--returning, all at once, to his old manner. "Git +me, Richard?" he continued, excitedly. "'Fitting Finale! Close of a +Curious Career! Mr. Henry Poddle, the eminent natural phenomonen, has +consented to depart this life on the stage of Hockley's Musee, on +Sunday next, in the presence of three physicians, a trained nurse, a +minister of the gospel and a undertaker. Unparalleled Entertainment! +The management has been at unprecedented expense to git this unique +feature. Death Defied! A Extraordinary Educational Exhibition! Note: +Mr. Poddle will do his best to oblige his admirers and the patrons of +the house by dissolving the mortal tie about the hour of ten o'clock; +but the management cannot guarantee that the exhibition will conclude +before midnight.'" Mr. Poddle made a wry face--with yet a glint of +humour about it. "'Positively,'" said he, "'the last appearance of +this eminent freak. No return engagement.'" + +Again the buoyant step in the hall, the gaily whistled air--departing: +leaving an expectant silence. + +"Do it," Mr. Poddle gasped, worn out, "in public. But since I been +lyin' here," he added, "lookin' back, I seen the error. The public, +Richard, has no feelin'. They'd laugh--if I groaned. I don't like the +public--no more. I don't want to die--in public. I want," he +concluded, his voice falling to a thin, exhausted whisper, "only your +mother--and you, Richard--and----" + +"Did you say--Her?" + +"The Lovely One!" + +"I'll bring her!" said the boy, impulsively. + +"No, no! She wouldn't come. I been--in communication--recent. And +she writ back. Oh, Richard, she writ back! My heart's broke!" + +The boy brushed the handkerchief over the Dog-faced Man's eyes. + +"'Are you muzzled,' says she, 'in dog days?'" + +"Don't mind her!" cried the boy. + +"In the eyes of the law, Richard," Mr. Poddle exclaimed, his eyes +flashing, "I ain't no dog!" + +The boy kissed his forehead--there was no other comfort to offer: and +the caress was sufficient. + +"I wish," Mr. Poddle sighed, "that I knew how God will look at +it--to-night!" + + +Mr. Poddle, exhausted by speech and emotion, closed his eyes. By and +by the boy stealthily withdrew his hand from the weakening clasp. Mr. +Poddle gave no sign of knowing it. The boy slipped away.... And +descending to the third floor of the tenement, he came to the room +where lived the Mexican Sword Swallower: whom he persuaded to return +with him to Mr. Poddle's bedside. + +They paused at the door. The woman drew back. + +"Aw, Dick," she simpered, "I hate to!" + +"Just this once!" the boy pleaded. + +"Just to say it!" + +The reply was a bashful giggle. + +"You don't have to _mean_ it," the boy argued. "Just _say_ it--that's +all!" + +They entered. Mr. Poddle was muttering the boy's name--in a vain +effort to lift his voice. His hands were both at the +coverlet--picking, searching: both restless in the advancing sunshine. +With a sob of self-reproach the boy ran quickly to the bedside, took +one of the wandering hands, pressed it to his lips. And Mr. Poddle +sighed, and lay quiet again. + +"Mr. Poddle," the boy whispered, "she's come at last." + +There was no response. + +"She's come!" the boy repeated. He gave the hand he held to the woman. +Then he put his lips close to the dying man's ear. "Don't you hear me? +She's come!" + +Mr. Poddle opened his eyes. "Her--massive--proportions!" he faltered. + +"Quick!" said the boy. + +"Poddle," the woman lied, "I love you!" + +Then came the Dog-faced Man's one brief flash of ecstasy--expressed in +a wondrous glance of joy and devotion: but a swiftly fading fire. + +"She loves me!" he muttered. + +"I do, Poddle!" the woman sobbed, willing, now, for the grotesque +deception. "Yes, I do!" + +"'Beauty,'" Mr. Poddle gasped, "'and the Beast!'" + +They listened intently. He said no more.... Soon the sunbeam +glorified the smiling face.... + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _Mr. Poddle's Finale_] + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _His Mother_] + + + + +_HIS MOTHER_ + +While he waited for his mother to come--seeking relief from the +melancholy and deep mystification of this death--the boy went into the +street. The day was well disposed, the crowded world in an amiable +mood; he perceived no menace--felt no warning of catastrophe. He +wandered far, unobservant, forgetful: the real world out of mind. And +it chanced that he lost his way; and he came, at last, to that loud, +seething place, thronged with unquiet faces, where, even in the +sunshine, sin and poverty walked abroad, unashamed.... Rush, crash, +joyless laughter, swollen flesh, red eyes, shouting, rags, disease: +flung into the midst of it--transported from the sweet feeling and +quiet gloom of the Church of the Lifted Gross--he was confused and +frightened.... + + +A hand fell heartily on the boy's shoulder. "Hello, there!" cried a +big voice. "Ain't you Millie Blade's kid?" + +"Yes, sir," the boy gasped. + +It was a big man--a broad-shouldered, lusty fellow, muscular and lithe: +good-humoured and dull of face, winning of voice and manner. +Countenance and voice were vaguely familiar to the boy. He felt no +alarm. + +"What the devil you doing here?" the man demanded. "Looking for +Millie?" + +"Oh, no!" the boy answered, horrified. "My mother isn't--_here_!" + +"Well, what you doing?" + +"I'm lost." + +The man laughed. He clapped the boy on the back. "Don't you be +afraid," said he, sincerely hearty. "I'll take you home. You know me, +don't you?" + +"Not your name." + +"Anyhow, you remember me, don't you? You've seen me before?" + +"Yes, sir." + +"Well, my name's Jim Millette. I'm an acrobat. And I know you. Why, +sure! I remember when you was born. Me and your mother is old +friends. Soon as I seen you I knew who you was. 'By gad!' says I, 'if +that ain't Millie Slade's kid!' How is she, anyhow?" + +"She's very well." + +"Working?" + +"No," the boy answered, gravely; "my mother does not work." + +The man whistled. + +"I am living with Mr. Fithian, the curate," said the boy, with a sigh. +"So my mother is having--a very good--time." + +"She must be lonely." + +The boy shook his head. "Oh, no!" said he. "She is much +happier--without me." + +"She's _what_?" + +"Happier," the boy repeated, "without me. If she were not," he added, +"I would not live with the curate." + +The man laughed. It was in pity--not in merriment. "Well, say," he +said, "when you see your mother, you tell her you met Jim Millette on +the street. Will you? You tell her Jim's been--married. She'll +understand. And I guess she'll be glad to know it. And, say, I guess +she'll wonder who it's to. You tell her it's the little blonde of the +Flying Tounsons. She'll know I ain't losing anything, anyhow, by +standing in with that troupe. Tell her it's all right. You just tell +her I said that everything was all right. Will you?" + +"Yes, sir." + +"You ain't never been to a show, have you?" the man continued. "I +thought not. Well, say, you come along with me. It ain't late. We'll +see the after-piece at the Burlesque. I'll take you in." + +"I think," said the boy, "I had better not." + +"Aw, come on!" the acrobat urged. + +"I'm awful glad to see you, Dick," he added, putting his arm around the +boy, of kind impulse; "and I'd like to give you a good time--for +Millie's sake." + +The boy was still doubtful. "I had better go home," he said. + +"Oh, now, don't you be afraid of me, Dick. I'll take you home after +the show. We got lots of time. Aw, come on!" + +It occurred to the boy that Providence had ordered events in answer to +his prayer. + +"Thank you," he said. + +"You'll have a good time," the acrobat promised. "They say Flannigan's +got a good show." + +They made their way to the Burlesque. Flannigan's Forty Flirts there +held the boards. "Girls! Just Girls! Grass Widows and Merry Maids! +No Nonsense About 'Em! Just Girls! Girls!" The foul and tawdry +aspect of the entrance oppressed the child. He felt some tragic +foreboding.... + + +Within it was dark to the boy's eyes. The air was hot and +foul--stagnant, exhausted: the stale exhalation of a multitude of lungs +which vice was rotting; tasting of their very putridity. A mist of +tobacco smoke filled the place--was still rising in bitter, stifling +clouds. There was a nauseating smell of beer and sweat and +disinfectants. The boy's foot felt the unspeakable slime of the floor: +he tingled with disgust. + +An illustrated song was in listless progress. The light, reflected +from the screen, revealed a throng of repulsive faces, stretching, row +upon row, into the darkness of the rear, into the shadows of the +roof--sickly and pimpled and bloated flesh: vicious faces, hopeless, +vacuous, diseased. And these were the faces that leered and writhed in +the boy's dreams of hell. Here, present and tangible, were gathered +all his terrors. He was in the very midst of sin. + +The song was ended. The footlights flashed high. There was a burst of +blatant music--a blare: unfeeling and discordant. It grated +agonizingly. The boy's sensitive ear rebelled. He shuddered.... +Screen and curtain disappeared. In the brilliant light beyond, a group +of brazen women began to cavort and sing. Their voices were harsh and +out of tune. At once the faces in the shadow started into eager +interest--the eyes flashing, with some strangely evil passion, unknown +to the child, but acutely felt.... There was a shrill shout of +welcome--raised by the women, without feeling. Down the stage, her +person exposed, bare-armed, throwing shameless glances, courting the +sensual stare, grinning as though in joyous sympathy with the evil of +the place, came a woman with blinding blonde hair. + +It was the boy's mother. + + +"Millie!" the acrobat ejaculated. + +The boy had not moved. He was staring at the woman on the stage. A +flush of shame, swiftly departing, had left his face white. Presently +he trembled. His lips twitched--his head drooped. The man laid a +comforting hand on his knee. A tear splashed upon it. + +"I didn't know she was here, Dick!" the acrobat whispered. "It's a +shame. But I didn't know. And I--I'm--sorry!" + +The boy looked up. He called a smile to his face. It was a brave +pretense. But his face was still wan. + +"I think I'd like to go home," he answered, weakly. "It's--time--for +tea." + +"Don't feel bad, Dick! It's all right. _She's_ all right." + +"If you please," said the boy, still resolutely pretending ignorance, +"I think I'd like to go--now." + +The acrobat waited for a blast of harsh music to subside. The boy's +mother began to sing--a voice trivially engaged: raised beyond its +strength. A spasm of distress contorted the boy's face. + +"Brace up, Dick!" the man whispered. "Don't take it so hard." + +"If you please," the boy protested, "I'll be late for tea if I don't go +now." + +The acrobat took his hand--guided him, stumbling, up the aisle: led him +into the fresh air, the cool, clean sunlight, of the street.... There +had been sudden confusion on the stage. The curtain had fallen with a +rush. But it was now lifted, again, and the dismal entertainment was +once more in noisy course. + + +It was now late in the afternoon. The pavement was thronged. Dazed by +agony, blinded by the bright light of day, the boy was roughly jostled. +The acrobat drew him into an eddy of the stream. There the child +offered his hand--and looked up with a dogged little smile. + +"Good-bye," he said. "Thank you." + +The acrobat caught the hand in a warm clasp. "You don't know your way +home, do you?" he asked. + +"No, sir." + +"Where you going?" + +The boy looked away. There was a long interval. Into the shuffle and +chatter of the passing crowd crept the muffled blare of the orchestra. +The acrobat still held the boy's hand tight--still anxiously watched +him, his face overcast. + +"Box Street?" he asked. + +"No, sir." + +"Aw, Dick! think again," the acrobat pleaded. "Come, now! Ain't you +going to Box Street?" + +"No, sir," the boy answered, low. "I'm going to the curate's house, +near the Church of the Lifted Cross." + +They were soon within sight of the trees in the park. The boy's way +was then known to him. Again he extended his hand--again smiled. + +"Thank you," he said. "Good-bye." + +The acrobat was loath to let the little hand go. But there was nothing +else to do. He dropped it, at last, with a quick-drawn sigh. + +"It'll come out all right," he muttered. + +Then the boy went his way alone. His shoulders were proudly +squared--his head held high.... + + +Meantime, they had revived Millie Slade. She was in the common +dressing-room--a littered, infamous, foul, place, situated below stage. +Behind her the gas flared and screamed. Still in her panderous +disguise, within hearing of the rasping music and the tramp of the +dance, within hearing of the coarse applause, this tender mother sat +alone, unconscious of evil--uncontaminated, herself kept holy by her +motherhood, lifted by her love from the touch of sin. To her all the +world was a temple, undefiled, wherein she worshipped, wherein the +child was a Presence, purifying every place. + +She had no strength left for tragic behaviour. She sat limp, shedding +weak tears, whimpering, tearing at her finger nails. + +"I'm found out!" she moaned. "Oh, my God! He'll never love me no +more!" + +A woman entered in haste. + +"You got it, Aggie?" the mother asked. + +"Yes, dear. Now, you just drink this, and you'll feel better." + +"I don't want it--now." + +"Aw, now, you drink it! Poor dear! It'll do you lots of good." + +"He wouldn't want me to." + +"Aw, he won't know. And you need it, dear. _Do_ drink it!" + +"No, Aggie," said the mother. "It don't matter that he don't know. I +just don't want it. I _can't_ do what he wouldn't like me to." + +The glass was put aside. And Aggie sat beside the mother, and drew her +head to a sympathetic breast. + +"Don't cry!" she whispered. "Oh, Millie, don't cry!" + +"Oh," the woman whimpered, "he'll think me an ugly thing, Aggie. He'll +think me a skinny thing. If I'd only got here in time, if I'd only +looked right, he might have loved me still. But he won't love me no +more--after to-day!" + +"Hush, Millie! He's only a kid. He don't know nothing about--such +things." + +"Only a kid," said the mother, according to the perverted experience of +her life, "but still a man!" + +"He wouldn't care." + +"They _all_ care!" + +Indeed, this was her view; and by her knowledge of the world she spoke. + +"Not him," said Aggie. + +The mother was infinitely distressed. "Oh," she moaned, "if I'd only +had time to pad!" + +This was the greater tragedy of her situation: that she misunderstood. + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _The Mother_] + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _Nearing the Sea_] + + + + +_NEARING THE SEA_ + +It was Sunday evening. Evil-weather threatened. The broad window of +top floor rear looked out upon a lowering sky--everywhere gray and +thick: turning black beyond the distant hills. An hour ago the +Department wagon had rattled away with the body of Mr. Poddle; and with +the cheerfully blasphemous directions, the tramp of feet, the jocular +comment, as the box was carried down the narrow stair, the last +distraction had departed. The boy's mother was left undisturbed to +prepare for the crucial moments in the park. + +She was now nervously engaged before her looking-glass. All the tools +of her trade lay at hand. A momentous problem confronted her. The +child must be won back. He must be convinced of her worth. Therefore +she must be beautiful. He thought her pretty. She would be pretty. +But how impress him? By what appeal? The pathetic? the tenderly +winsome? the gay? She would be gay. Marvellous lies occurred to +her--a multitude of them: there was no end to her fertility in +deception. And she would excite his jealousy. Upon that feeling she +would play. She would blow hot; she would blow cold. She would reduce +him to agony--the most poignant agony he had ever suffered. Then she +would win him. + +To this end, acting according to the enlightenment of her kind, she +plied her pencil and puffs; and when, at last, she stood before the +mirror, new gowned, beautiful after the conventions of her kind, blind +to the ghastliness of it, ignorant of the secret of her strength, she +had a triumphant consciousness of power. + +"He'll love me," she thought, with a snap of the teeth. "He's got to!" + + +Jim Millette knocked--and pushed the door ajar, and diffidently +intruded his head. + +"Hello, Jim!" she cried. "Come in!" + +The man would not enter. "I can't, Millie," he faltered. "I just got +a minute." + +"Oh, come on in!" said she, contemptuously. "Come in and tell me about +it. What did you do it for, Jim? You got good and even, didn't you? +Eh, Jim?" she taunted. "You got even!" + +"It wasn't that, Millie," he protested. + +"Oh, wasn't it?" she shrilled. + +"No, it wasn't, Millie. I didn't have no grudge against you." + +"Then what was it? Come in and tell me!" she laughed. "You dassn't, +Jim! You're afraid! come in," she flashed, "and I'll make you lick my +shoes! And when you're crawling on the floor, Jim, like a slimy dog, +I'll kick you out. Hear me, you pup? What you take my child in there +for?" she cried. "Hear me? Aw, you pup!" she snarled. "You're afraid +to come in!" + +"Don't go on, Millie," he warned her. "Don't you go on like that. +Maybe I _will_ come in. And if I do, my girl, it won't be me that'll +be lickin' shoes. It might be _you_!" + +"Me!" she scorned. "You ain't got no hold on me no more. Come in and +try it!" + +The man hesitated. + +"Come on!" she taunted. + +"I ain't coming in, Millie," he answered. "I didn't come up to come +in. I just come up to tell you I was sorry." + +She laughed. + +"I didn't know you was there, Millie," the man continued. "If I'd +knowed you was with the Forty Flirts, I wouldn't have took the boy +there. And I come up to tell you so." + +Overcome by a sudden and agonizing recollection of the scene, she put +her hands to her face. + +"And I come up to tell you something else," the acrobat continued, +speaking gently. "I tell you, Millie, you better look out. If you +ain't careful, you'll lose him for good. He took it hard, Millie. +Hard! It broke the little fellow all up. It hurt him--awful!" + +She began to walk the floor. In the room the light was failing. It +was growing dark--an angry portent--over the roofs of the opposite city. + +"Do you want him back?" the man asked. + +"Want him back!" she cried. + +"Then," said he, his voice soft, grave, "take care!" + +"Want him back?" she repeated, beginning, now, by habit, to tear at her +nails. "I got to have him back! He's mine, ain't he? Didn't I bear +him? Didn't I nurse him? Wasn't it me that--that--_made_ him? He's +my kid, I tell you--_mine_! And I want him back! Oh, I want him so!" + +The man entered; but the woman seemed not to know it. He regarded her +compassionately. + +"That there curate ain't got no right to him," she complained. "_He_ +didn't have nothing to do with the boy. It was only me and Dick. +What's he sneaking around here for--taking Dick's boy away? The boy's +half mine and half Dick's. The curate ain't got no share. And now +Dick's dead--and he's _all_ mine! The curate ain't got nothing to do +with it. We don't want no curate here. I raised that boy for myself. +I didn't do it to give him to no curate. What right's he got coming +around here--getting a boy he didn't have no pain to bear or trouble to +raise? I tell you _I_ got that boy. He's mine--and I want him!" + +"But you give the boy to the curate, Millie!" + +"No, I didn't!" she lied. "He took the boy. He come sneaking around +here making trouble. _I_ didn't give him no boy. And I want him +back," she screamed, in a gust of passion. "I want my boy back!" + +A rumble of thunder--failing, far off--came from the sea. + +"Millie," the acrobat persisted, "you said you wasn't fit to bring him +up." + +"I ain't," she snapped. "But I don't care. He's mine--and I'll have +him." + +The man shrugged his shoulders. + +"Jim," the woman said, now quiet, laying her hands on the acrobat's +shoulders, looking steadily into his eyes, "that boy's mine. I want +him--I want him--back. But I don't want him if he don't love me. And +if I can't have him--if I can't have him----" + +"Millie!" + +"I'll be all alone, Jim--and I'll want----" + +He caught her hands. "Me?" he asked. "Will you want me?" + +"I don't know." + +"Millie," he said, speaking hurriedly, "_won't_ you want me? I've took +up with the little Tounson blonde. But _she_ wouldn't care. You know +how it goes, Millie. It's only for business. She and me team up. +That's all. She wouldn't care. And if you want me--if you want me, +Millie, straight and regular, for better or for worse--if you want me +that way, Millie----" + +"Don't, Jim!" + +He let her hands fall--and drew away. "I love you too much," he said, +"to butt in now. But if the boy goes back on you, Millie, I'll +come--again. You'll need me then--and that's why I'll come. I don't +want him to go back on you. I want him to love you still. It's +because of the way you love him that I love you--in the way I do. It +ain't easy for me to say this. It ain't easy for me to want to give +you up. But you're that kind of a woman, Millie. You're that +kind--since you got the boy. I want to give you up. You'd be better +off with him. You're--you're--_holier_--when you're with that child. +You'd break your poor heart without that boy of yours. And I want you +to have him--to love him--to be loved by him. If he comes back, you'll +not see me again. I've lived a life that makes me--not fit--to be with +no child like him. But so help me God!" the man passionately declared, +"I hope he don't turn you down!" + +"You're all right, Jim!" she sobbed. "You're all right!" + +"I'm going now," he said, quietly. "But I got one more thing to say. +Don't fool that boy!" + +She looked up. + +"Don't fool him," the man repeated. "You'll lose him if you do." + +"Not fool him? It's so easy, Jim!" + +"Ah, Millie," he said, with a hopeless gesture, "you're blind. You +don't know your own child. You're blind--you're just blind!" + +"What you mean, Jim?" she demanded. + +"You don't know what he loves you for." + +"What does he love me for?" + +The man was at the door. "Because," he answered, turning, "you're his +mother!" + + +It was not yet nine o'clock. The boy would still be in the church. +She must not yet set out for the park. So she lighted the lamp. For a +time she posed and grimaced before the mirror. When she was perfect in +the part, she sat in the rocking-chair at the broad window, there to +rehearse the deceptions it was in her mind to practice. But while she +watched the threatening shadows gather, the lights on the river flash +into life and go drifting aimlessly away, her mind strayed from this +purpose, her willful heart throbbed with sweeter feeling--his childish +voice, the depths of his eyes, the grateful weight of his head upon her +bosom. Why had he loved her? Because she was his mother! A forgotten +perception returned to illuminate her way--a perception, never before +reduced to formal terms, that her virtue, her motherly tenderness, were +infinitely more appealing to him than the sum of her other attractions. + +She started from the chair--her breast heaving with despairing alarm. +Again she stood before the mirror--staring with new-opened eyes at the +painted face, the gaudy gown: and by these things she was now horrified. + +"He won't love me!" she thought. "Not this way. He--he--couldn't!" + +It struck the hour. + +"Nine o'clock!" she cried. "I got to _do_ something!" + +She looked helplessly about the room. Why had he loved her? Because +she was his mother! She would be his mother--nothing more: just his +mother. She would go to him with that appeal. She would not seek to +win him. She would but tell him that she was his mother. She would be +his mother--true and tender and holy. He would not resist her plea.... +This determined, she acted resolutely and in haste: she stripped off +the gown, flung it on the floor, kicked the silken heap under the bed; +she washed the paint from her face, modestly laid her hair, robed +herself anew. And when again, with these new, seeing eyes, she looked +into the glass, she found that she was young, unspoiled--still lovely: +a sweetly wistful woman, whom he resembled. Moreover, there came to +transform her, suddenly, gloriously, a revelation: that of the +spiritual significance of her motherhood. + +"Thank God!" she thought, uplifted by this vision. "Oh, thank God! +I'm like them other people. I'm fit to bring him up!" + +It thundered ominously. + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _Nearing the Sea_] + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _The Last Appeal_] + + + + +_THE LAST APPEAL_ + +She sat waiting for him at the bench by the lilac bush. He was late, +she thought--strangely late. She wondered why. It was dark. The +night was close and hot. There was no breath of air stirring in the +park. From time to time the lightning flashed. In fast lessening +intervals came the thunder. Presently she caught ear of his step on +the pavement--still distant: approaching, not from the church, but from +the direction of the curate's home. + +"And he's not running!" she thought, quick to take alarm. + +They were inexplicable--these lagging feet. He had never before +dawdled on the way. Her alarm increased. She waited anxiously--until, +with eyes downcast, he stood before her. + +"Richard!" she tenderly said. + +"I'm here, mother," he answered; but he did not look at her. + +She put her arms around him. "Your mother," she whispered, while she +kissed him, "is glad--to feel you--lying here." + +He lay quiet against her--his face on her bosom. She was thrilled by +this sweet pressure. + +"Have you been happy?" she asked. + +"No." + +"Nor I, dear!" + +He turned his face--not to her: to the flaming cross above the church. +She had invited a question. But he made no response. + +"Nor I," she repeated. + +Still he gazed at the cross. It was shining in a black cloud--high in +the sky. She felt him tremble. + +"Hold me tight!" he said. + +She drew him to her--glad to have him ask her to: having no disquieting +question. + +"Tighter!" he implored. + +She rocked him. "Hush, dear!" she crooned. "You're safe--with your +mother. What frightens you?" + +"The cross!" he sobbed. + +God knows! 'twas a pity that his childish heart misinterpreted the +message of the cross--changing his loving purpose into sin. But the +misinterpretation was not forever to endure.... + + +The wind began to stir the leaves--tentative gusts: swirling eagerly +through the park. There was a flash--an instant clap of thunder, +breaking overhead, rumbling angrily away. Two men ran past. Great +drops of rain splashed on the pavement. + +"Let us go home," the boy said. + +"Not yet!" she protested. "Oh, not yet!" + +He escaped from her arms. + +"Don't go, Richard!" she whimpered. "Please don't, dear! Not yet. +I--I'm--oh, I'm not ready to say good-night. Not yet!" + +He took her hand. "Come, mother!" he said. + +"Not yet!" + +He dropped her hand--sprang away from her with a startled little cry. +"Oh, mother," he moaned, "don't you want me?" + +"Home?" she asked, blankly. "Home--with me?" + +"Oh, yes, mother! Let me go home. Quick I Let us go.... The curate +says I know best. I went straight to him--yesterday--and told him. +And he said I was wiser than he.... And I said good-bye. Don't send +me back. For, oh, I want to go home--with you!" + +She opened her arms. At that moment a brilliant flash of lightning +illuminated the world. For the first time the child caught sight of +her face--the sweet, real face of his mother: now radiant, touched by +the finger of the Good God Himself. + +"Is it you?" he whispered. + +"I am your mother." + +He leaped into her arms--found her wet eyes with his lips. "Mother!" +he cried. + +"My son!" she said. + +He turned again to the flaming cross--a little smile of defiance upon +his lips. But the defiance passed swiftly: for it was then revealed to +him that his mother was good; and he knew that what the cross signified +would continue with him, wherever he went, that goodness and peace +might abide within his heart. Hand in hand, while the thunder still +rolled and the rain came driving with the wind, they hurried away +towards the Box Street tenement.... + + +Let them go! Why not? Let them depart into their world! It needs +them. They will glorify it. Nor will they suffer loss. Let them go! +Love flourishes in the garden of the world we know. Virtue is forever +in bloom. Let them go to their place! Why should we wish to deprive +the unsightly wilderness of its flowers? Let the tenderness of this +mother and son continue to grace it! + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _The Last Appeal_] + + + + +THE END + + + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Mother, by Norman Duncan + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MOTHER *** + +***** This file should be named 27550-8.txt or 27550-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/7/5/5/27550/ + +Produced by Al Haines + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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+ margin-bottom: 0; + margin-top: 1%; + margin-right: 1%; + padding: 0; + text-align: center } + +IMG.imgright {float: right; + clear: right; + margin-left: 1%; + margin-bottom: 0; + margin-top: 1%; + margin-right: 0; + padding: 0; + text-align: center } + +IMG.imgcenter { margin-left: auto; + margin-bottom: 0; + margin-top: 1%; + margin-right: auto; } + +.pagenum { position: absolute; + left: 1%; + font-size: 95%; + text-align: left; + text-indent: 0; + font-style: normal; + font-weight: normal; + font-variant: normal; } + +.sidenote { left: 0%; + font-size: 65%; + text-align: left; + text-indent: 0%; + width: 17%; + float: left; + clear: left; + padding-left: 0%; + padding-right: 2%; + padding-top: 2%; + padding-bottom: 2%; + font-style: normal; + font-weight: normal; + font-variant: normal; } + + + +</STYLE> + +</HEAD> + +<BODY> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Mother, by Norman Duncan + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Mother + +Author: Norman Duncan + +Illustrator: H. E. Fritz + +Release Date: December 17, 2008 [EBook #27550] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MOTHER *** + + + + +Produced by Al Haines + + + + + +</pre> + + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="img-cover"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-cover.jpg" ALT="Cover" BORDER="0" WIDTH="385" HEIGHT="583"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="img-front1"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-front1.jpg" ALT="The Mothe" BORDER="0" WIDTH="246" HEIGHT="180"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="img-front2"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-front2.jpg" ALT="The Mother" BORDER="0" WIDTH="249" HEIGHT="369"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="img-title"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-title.jpg" ALT="Title page" BORDER="0" WIDTH="260" HEIGHT="444"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<H1 ALIGN="center"> +The Mother +</H1> + +<BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +by +</H3> + +<H2 ALIGN="center"> +Norman Duncan +</H2> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<H4 ALIGN="center"> +Fleming H. Revell Company +<BR> +Publishers +</H4> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="img-copy"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-copy.jpg" ALT="Copyright" BORDER="0" WIDTH="183" HEIGHT="142"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<H5 ALIGN="center"> +Copyright 1905 +<BR> +by +<BR> +Fleming H. Revell Company +<BR> +New York — Chicago — Toronto +</H5> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="img-ded"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-ded.jpg" ALT="Dedication" BORDER="0" WIDTH="168" HEIGHT="171"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +To +<BR> +E. H. D. +</H3> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="img-decor"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-decor.jpg" ALT="Decorations" BORDER="0" WIDTH="184" HEIGHT="102"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<H4 ALIGN="center"> +The Decorations +<BR> +In This Book Were +<BR> +Designed by H. E. Fritz +</H4> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<DIV STYLE="background: url(images\img-toc1.jpg); background-repeat: no-repeat; +background-attachment: scroll; margin-left: 30%"> + +<BR STYLE="line-height: 2in"> + +<SPAN STYLE="margin-left: 2em"><A HREF="#chap01">BY PROXY</A></SPAN><BR> +<SPAN STYLE="margin-left: 2em"><A HREF="#chap02">THE RIVER</A></SPAN><BR> +<SPAN STYLE="margin-left: 2em"><A HREF="#chap03">A GARDEN OF LIES</A></SPAN><BR> +<SPAN STYLE="margin-left: 2em"><A HREF="#chap04">THE CELEBRITY IN LOVE</A></SPAN><BR> +<SPAN STYLE="margin-left: 2em"><A HREF="#chap05">AT MIDNIGHT</A></SPAN><BR> +<SPAN STYLE="margin-left: 2em"><A HREF="#chap06">A MEETING BY CHANCE</A></SPAN><BR> +<SPAN STYLE="margin-left: 2em"><A HREF="#chap07">RENUNCIATION</A></SPAN><BR> +<SPAN STYLE="margin-left: 2em"><A HREF="#chap08">IN THE CURRENT</A></SPAN><BR> +<SPAN STYLE="margin-left: 2em"><A HREF="#chap09">THE CHORISTER</A></SPAN><BR> +<SPAN STYLE="margin-left: 2em"><A HREF="#chap10">ALIENATION</A></SPAN><BR> +<SPAN STYLE="margin-left: 2em"><A HREF="#chap11">A CHILD'S PRAYER</A></SPAN><BR> + +<BR STYLE="line-height: .5in"> + +</DIV> + +<BR> + +<DIV STYLE="background: url(images\img-toc2.jpg); background-repeat: no-repeat; +background-attachment: scroll; margin-left: 30%"> + +<BR STYLE="line-height: 2in"> + +<SPAN STYLE="margin-left: 2em"><A HREF="#chap12">MR. PODDLE'S FINALE</A></SPAN><BR> +<SPAN STYLE="margin-left: 2em"><A HREF="#chap13">HIS MOTHER</A></SPAN><BR> +<SPAN STYLE="margin-left: 2em"><A HREF="#chap14">NEARING THE SEA</A></SPAN><BR> +<SPAN STYLE="margin-left: 2em"><A HREF="#chap15">THE LAST APPEAL</A></SPAN><BR> + +<BR STYLE="line-height: 2in"> + +</DIV> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap01"></A> + +<A NAME="img-009"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-009.jpg" ALT="Headpiece to _By Proxy_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="236" HEIGHT="167"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +<I>BY PROXY</I> +</H3> + +<P> +It will be recalled without effort—possibly, indeed, without +interest—that the obsequies of the old Senator Boligand were a +distinguished success: a fashionable, proper function, ordered by the +young widow with exquisite taste, as all the world said, and conducted +without reproach, as the undertaker and the clergy very heartily +agreed. At the Church of the Lifted Cross, the incident of the child, +the blonde lady and the mysteriously veiled man, who sat in awe and +bewildered amazement where the shadows gave deepest seclusion, escaped +notice. Not that the late Senator Boligand was in life aware of the +existence of the child or the lady or the strange fellow with the veil. +Nothing of the sort. The one was the widow of Dick Slade, the other +his son, born in wedlock; and the third was the familiar counsellor and +intimate of them all. The Senator was for once turned to good account: +was made contributor to the sweetness of life, to the comfort of the +humble. That was all. And I fancy that the shade of the grim old +robber, lurking somewhere in the softly coloured gloom of the chancel, +was not altogether averse to the farce in which his earthly tabernacle +was engaged.... +</P> + +<P> +When Dick Slade died in the big red tenement of Box Street, he died as +other men die, complaining of the necessity; and his son, in the way of +all tender children, sorely wept: not because his father was now lost +to him, which was beyond his comprehension, but because the man must be +put in a grave—a cold place, dark and suffocating, being underground, +as the child had been told. +</P> + +<P> +"I don't want my father," he woefully protested, "to be planted!" +</P> + +<P> +"Planted!" cried the mother, throwing up her hands in indignant denial. +"Who told you he'd be planted?" +</P> + +<P> +"Madame Lacara." +</P> + +<P> +"She's a liar," said the woman, composedly, without resentment. "We'll +cut the <I>planting</I> out of <I>this</I> funeral." Her ingenuity, her +resourcefulness, her daring, when the happiness of her child was +concerned, were usually sufficient to the emergency. "Why, darling!" +she exclaimed. "Your father will be taken right up into the sky. He +won't be put in no grave. He'll go right straight to a place where +it's all sunshine—where it's all blue and high and as bright as day." +She bustled about: keeping an eye alert for the effect of her promises. +She was not yet sure how this glorious ascension might be managed; but +she had never failed to deceive him to his own contentment, and 'twas +not her habit to take fainthearted measures. "They been lying to you, +dear," she complained. "Don't you fret about graves. You just wait," +she concluded, significantly, "and see!" +</P> + +<P> +The boy sighed. +</P> + +<P> +"Poddle and me," she added, with a wag of the head to convince him, +"will show you where your father goes." +</P> + +<P> +"I wish," the boy said, wistfully, "that he wasn't dead." +</P> + +<P> +"Don't you do it!" she flashed. "It don't make no difference to him. +It's a good thing. I bet he's glad to be dead." +</P> + +<P> +The boy shook his head. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, he is! Don't you think he isn't. There ain't nothing like being +dead. Everybody's happy—when they're dead." +</P> + +<P> +"He's so still!" the boy whispered. +</P> + +<P> +"It feels fine to be still—like that." +</P> + +<P> +"And he's so cold!" +</P> + +<P> +"No!" she scorned. "He don't feel cold. You think he's cold. But he +ain't. That's just what you <I>think</I>. He's comfortable. He's glad to +be dead. Everybody's glad to be dead." +</P> + +<P> +The boy shuddered. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't you do that no more!" said the woman. "It don't hurt to be +dead. Honest, it don't! It feels real good to be that way." +</P> + +<P> +"I—I—I don't think I'd like—to be dead!" +</P> + +<P> +"You don't have to if you don't want to," the woman replied, thrown +into a confusion of pain and alarm. To comfort him, to shield him from +agony, to keep the shadow of fear from falling upon him: she desired +nothing more; and she was content to succeed if but for the moment. "I +tell you," she continued, "you never will be dead—if you don't want +to. Your father wanted to be dead. 'I think, Millie,' says he, 'I'd +like to be dead.' 'All right, Dick,' says I. 'If you want to, I won't +stand in your way. But I don't know about the boy.' 'Oh,' says he, +'the boy won't stand in my way.' 'I guess that's right, Dick,' says I, +'for the boy loves you.' And so," she concluded, "he died. But <I>you</I> +don't have to die. You'll never die—not unless you want to." She +kissed him. "Don't you be afraid, dear!" she crooned. +</P> + +<P> +"I'm not—afraid." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, then," she asked, puzzled, "what <I>are</I> you?" +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know," he faltered. "I think it makes me—sick at +the—stomach." +</P> + +<P> +He had turned white. She took him in her arms, to comfort and hearten +him—an unfailing device: her kisses, her warm, ample bosom, her close +embrace; he was by these always consoled.... +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +Next day, then, in accordance with the woman's device, the boy and his +mother set out with the veiled man for the Church of the Lifted Cross, +where the obsequies of Senator Boligand were to take place. It was sad +weather—a cold rain falling, the city gray, all the world black-clad +and dripping and sour of countenance. The veiled man said never a +word; he held the boy's hand tight, and strode gloomily on—silent of +melancholy, of protest, of ill temper: there was no knowing, for his +face was hid. The woman, distinguished by a mass of blinding blonde +hair and a complexion susceptible to change by the weather, was dressed +in the ultra-fashionable way—the small differences of style all +accentuated: the whole tawdry and shabby and limp in the rain. The +child, a slender boy, delicately white of skin, curly headed, with +round, dark eyes, outlooking in wonder and troubled regard, but yet +bravely enough, trotted between the woman and the man, a hand in the +hand of each.... And when they came to the Church of the Lifted Cross; +and when the tiny, flickering lights, and the stained windows, and the +shadows overhead, and the throbbing, far-off music had worked their +spell upon him, he snuggled close to his mother, wishing himself well +away from the sadness and mystery of the place, but glad that its +solemn splendour honoured the strange change his father had chosen to +undergo. +</P> + +<P> +"Have they brought papa yet?" he whispered. +</P> + +<P> +"Hush!" she answered. "He's come." +</P> + +<P> +For a moment she was in a panic—lest the child's prattle, being +perilously indiscreet, involve them all in humiliating difficulties. +Scandal of this sort would be intolerable to the young Boligand widow. +</P> + +<P> +"Where is he?" +</P> + +<P> +"Don't talk so loud, dear. He's down in front—where all the lights +are." +</P> + +<P> +"Can't we go there?' +</P> + +<P> +"No, no!" she whispered, quickly. "It isn't the way. We must sit +here. Don't talk, dear; it isn't the way." +</P> + +<P> +"I'd like to—kiss him." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, my!" she exclaimed. "It isn't allowed. We got to sit right here. +That's the way it's always done. Hush, dear! Please don't talk." +</P> + +<P> +With prayer and soulful dirges—employing white robes and many lights +and the voices of children—the body of Senator Boligand was dealt +with, in the vast, dim church, according to the forms prescribed, and +with due regard for the wishes of the young widow. The Senator was an +admirable substitute; Dick Slade's glorious ascension was accomplished. +And the heart of the child was comforted by this beauty: for then he +knew that his father was by some high magic admitted to the place of +which his mother had told him—some place high and blue and ever light +as day. The fear of death passed from him. He was glad, for his +father's sake, that his father had died; and he wished that he, too, +might some day know the glory to which his father had attained. +</P> + +<P> +But when the earthly remains of the late distinguished Senator were +borne down the aisle in solemn procession, the boy had a momentary +return of grief. +</P> + +<P> +"Is that papa in the box?" he whimpered. +</P> + +<P> +His mother put her lips to his ear. "Yes," she gasped. "But don't +talk. It isn't allowed." +</P> + +<P> +The veiled man turned audibly uneasy. "Cuss it!" he fumed. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, father!" the boy sobbed. +</P> + +<P> +With happy promptitude the veiled man acted. He put a hand over the +boy's mouth. "For God's sake, Millie," he whispered to the woman, +"let's get out of here! We'll be run in." +</P> + +<P> +"Hush, dear!" the woman commanded: for she was much afraid. +</P> + +<P> +After that, the child was quiet. +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +From the room in the Box Street tenement, meantime, the body of Dick +Slade had been taken in a Department wagon to a resting-place befitting +in degree. +</P> + +<P> +"Millie," the veiled man protested, that night, "you didn't ought to +fool the boy." +</P> + +<P> +"It don't matter, Poddle," said she. "And I don't want him to feel +bad." +</P> + +<P> +"You didn't ought to do it," the man persisted. "It'll make trouble +for him." +</P> + +<P> +"I can't see him hurt," said the woman, doggedly. "I love him so much. +Poddle, I just can't! It hurts <I>me</I>." +</P> + +<P> +The boy was now in bed. "Mother," he asked, lifting himself from the +pillow, "when will I die?" +</P> + +<P> +"Why, child!" she ejaculated. +</P> + +<P> +"I wish," said the boy, "it was to-morrow." +</P> + +<P> +"There!" said the woman, in triumph, to the man. "He ain't afraid of +death no more." +</P> + +<P> +"I told you so, Millie!" the man exclaimed, at the same instant. +</P> + +<P> +"But he ain't afraid to die," she persisted. "And that's all I want." +</P> + +<P> +"You can't fool him always," the man warned. +</P> + +<P> +The boy was then four years old.... +</P> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="img-022"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-022.jpg" ALT="Tailpiece to _By Proxy_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="221" HEIGHT="75"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap02"></A> + +<A NAME="img-023"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-023.jpg" ALT="Headpiece to _The River_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="230" HEIGHT="157"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +<I>THE RIVER</I> +</H3> + +<P> +Top floor rear of the Box Street tenement looked out upon the river. +It was lifted high: the activities of the broad stream and of the +motley world of the other shore went silently; the petty noises of +life—the creak and puff and rumble of its labouring +machinery,—straying upward from the fussy places below, were lost in +the space between. +</P> + +<P> +Within: a bed, a stove, a table—the gaunt framework of home. But the +window overlooked the river; and the boy was now seven years old, +unknowing, unquestioning, serenely obedient to the circumstances of his +life: feeling no desire that wandered beyond the familiar presence of +his mother—her voice and touch and brooding love. +</P> + +<P> +It was a magic window—a window turned lengthwise, broad, low, +small-paned, disclosing wonders without end: a scene of infinite +changes. There was shipping below, restless craft upon the water; and +beyond, dwarfed in the distance, was a confusion of streets, of flat, +puffing roofs, stretching from the shining river to the far, misty +hills, which lay beside the sea, invisible and mysterious. +</P> + +<P> +But top floor rear was remote from the river and the roofs. From the +window—and from the love in the room—the boy looked out upon an alien +world, heard the distant murmur, monotonously proceeding, night and +day: uncomprehending, but unperturbed.... +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +In the evening the boy sat with his mother at the window. Together +they watched the shadows gather—the hills and the city and the river +dissolve: the whole broad world turn to points of light, twinkling, +flashing, darting, in the black, voiceless gulf. Nor would she fail to +watch the night come, whether in gentle weather or whipping rain: but +there would sit, the boy in her arms, held close to her breast, her +hand straying restlessly over his small body, intimately caressing it. +</P> + +<P> +The falling shadows; the river, flowing unfeelingly; the lights, +wandering without rest, aimless, forever astray in the dark: these were +a spell upon her. +</P> + +<P> +"They go to the sea!" she whispered, once. +</P> + +<P> +"The ships, mother?" +</P> + +<P> +She put his head in the hollow of her shoulder, where her cheek might +touch his hair: all the time staring out at the lights on the river. +</P> + +<P> +"All the ships, all the lights on the river," she said, hoarsely, "go +out there." +</P> + +<P> +"Why?" +</P> + +<P> +"The river takes them." +</P> + +<P> +He was made uneasy: being conscious of the deeper meaning—acutely +aware of some strange dread stirring in her heart. +</P> + +<P> +"Maybe," he protested, "they're glad to go away." +</P> + +<P> +She shook her head. "One night," she said, leaning towards the window, +seeming now to forget the boy, "I seen the sea. All the lights on the +river go different ways—when they get out there. It is a dark and +lonesome place—big and dark and lonesome." +</P> + +<P> +"Then," said he, quickly, "you would not like to be there." +</P> + +<P> +"No," she answered. "I do not like the sky," she continued; "it is so +big and empty. I do not like the sea; it is so big and dark. And +black winds are always blowing there; and the lights go different ways. +The lights," she muttered, "go different ways! I am afraid of the +dark. And, oh!" she moaned, suddenly crushing him to her breast, +rocking him, in an agony of tenderness, "I am afraid of something else. +Oh, I am afraid!" +</P> + +<P> +"Of what?" he gasped. +</P> + +<P> +"To be alone!" she sobbed. +</P> + +<P> +He released himself from her arms—sat back on her knee: quivering from +head to foot, his hands clenched, his lips writhing. "Don't, mother!" +he cried. "Don't cry. We will not go to the sea. We <I>will</I> not!" +</P> + +<P> +"We must," she whispered. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, why?" +</P> + +<P> +She kissed him: her hand slipped under his knees; and she drew him +close again—and there held him until he lay quiet in her arms. +</P> + +<P> +"We are like the lights on the river," she said. "The river will take +us to a place where the lights go different ways." +</P> + +<P> +"We will not go!" +</P> + +<P> +"The river will take us." +</P> + +<P> +The boy was puzzled: he lifted his head, to watch the lights drift +past, far below; and he was much troubled by this mystery. She tried +to gather his legs in her lap—to hold him as she used to do, when he +was a child at her breast; but he was now grown too large for that, and +she suffered, again, the familiar pain: a perception of alienation—of +inevitable loss. +</P> + +<P> +"When?" he asked. +</P> + +<P> +She let his legs fall. "Soon," she sighed. "When you are older; it +won't be long, now. When you are a little wiser; it will be very soon." +</P> + +<P> +"When I am wiser," he pondered, "we must go. What makes me wiser?" +</P> + +<P> +"The wise." +</P> + +<P> +"Are you wise?" +</P> + +<P> +"God help me!" she answered. +</P> + +<P> +He nestled his head on her shoulder—dismissing the mystery with a +quick sigh. "Never mind," he said, to comfort her. "You will not be +alone. I will be with you." +</P> + +<P> +"I wonder!" she mused. +</P> + +<P> +For a moment more she looked out; but she did not see the river—but +saw the wide sea, wind-tossed and dark, where the great multitude of +lights went apart, each upon its mysterious way. +</P> + +<P> +"Mother," he repeated, reproachfully, mystified by her hesitation, "I +will always be with you." +</P> + +<P> +"I wonder!" she mused. +</P> + +<P> +To this doubt—now clear to him beyond hope—there was instant +response: strangely passionate, but in keeping with his nature, as she +knew. For a space he lay rigid on her bosom: then struggled from her +embrace, brutally wrenching her hands apart, flinging off her arms. He +stood swaying: his hands clenched, his slender body aquiver, as before, +his dark eyes blazing reproach. It gave her no alarm, but, rather, +exquisite pleasure, to watch his agony. She caught him by the +shoulders, and bent close, that by the night-light, coming in at the +window, she might look into his eyes: wherein, swiftly, the flare of +reproach turned to hopeless woe. And she was glad that he suffered: +exalted, so that she, too, trembled. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh," he pleaded, "say that I will always be with you!" +</P> + +<P> +She would not: but continued to exult in his woeful apprehension. +</P> + +<P> +"Tell me, mother!" he implored. "Tell me!" +</P> + +<P> +Not yet: for there was no delight to be compared with the proved +knowledge of his love. +</P> + +<P> +"Mother!" he cried. +</P> + +<P> +"You do not love me," she said, to taunt him. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, don't!" he moaned. +</P> + +<P> +"No, no!" she persisted. "You don't love your mother any more." +</P> + +<P> +He was by this reduced to uttermost despair; and he began to beat his +breast, in the pitiful way he had. Perceiving, then, that she must no +longer bait him, she opened her arms. He sprang into them. At once +his sobs turned to sighs of infinite relief, which continued, until, of +a sudden, he was hugged so tight that he had no breath left but to gasp. +</P> + +<P> +"And you will always be with me?" he asked. +</P> + +<P> +"It is the way of the world," she answered, while she kissed him, "that +sons chooses for themselves." +</P> + +<P> +With that he was quite content.... +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +For a long time they sat silent at the window. The boy dreamed +hopefully of the times to come—serenity restored. For the moment the +woman was forgetful of the foreshadowed days, happy that the warm, +pulsing little body of her son lay unshrinking in her arms: so +conscious of his love and life—so wishful for a deeper sense of +motherhood—that she slipped her hand under his jacket and felt about +for his heart, and there let her fingers lie, within touch of its +steady beating. The lights still twinkled and flashed and aimlessly +wandered in the night; but the spell of the river was lifted. +</P> + +<BR><BR> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap03"></A> + +<A NAME="img-034"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-034.jpg" ALT="Headpiece to _A Garden of Lies_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="229" HEIGHT="153"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +<I>A GARDEN OF LIES</I> +</H3> + +<P> +Withal it was a rare mood: nor, being wise, was she given to expressing +it in this gloomy fashion. It was her habit, rather, assiduously to +woo him: this with kisses, soft and wet; with fleeting touches; with +coquettish glances and the sly display of her charms; with rambling, +fantastic tales of her desirability in the regard of men—thus +practicing all the familiar fascinations of her kind, according to the +enlightenment of the world she knew. He must be persuaded, she +thought, that his mother was beautiful, coveted; convinced of her wit +and gaiety: else he would not love her. Life had taught her no other +way.... And always at break of day, when he awoke in her arms, she +waited, with a pang of anxiety, pitilessly recurring, lest there be +some sign that despite her feverish precautions the heedless world had +in her nightly absence revealed that which she desperately sought to +hide from him.... +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +Thus, by and by, when the lamp was alight—when the shadows were all +chased out of the window, driven back to the raw fall night, whence +they had crept in—she lapsed abruptly into her natural manner and +practices. She spread a newspaper on the table, whistling in a cheery +fashion, the while covertly observing the effect of this lively +behaviour. With a knowing smile, promising vast gratification, she got +him on her knee; and together, cheek to cheek, her arm about his waist, +they bent over the page: whereon some function of the rich, to which +the presence of the Duchess of Croft and of the distinguished Lord +Wychester had given sensational importance, was grotesquely pictured. +</P> + +<P> +"Now, mother," said he, spreading the picture flat, "show me you." +</P> + +<P> +"This here lady," she answered, evasively, "is the Duchess of Croft." +</P> + +<P> +"Is it?" he asked, without interest. "She is very fat. Where are you?" +</P> + +<P> +"And here," she proceeded, "is Lord Wychester." +</P> + +<P> +"Mother," he demanded, "where are <I>you</I>?" +</P> + +<P> +She was disconcerted; no promising evasion immediately occurred to her. +"Maybe," she began, tentatively, "this lady here——" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, no!" he cried, looking up with a little laugh. "It is not like +you, at all!" +</P> + +<P> +"Well," she said, "it's probably meant for me." +</P> + +<P> +He shook his head; and by the manner of this she knew that he would not +be deceived. +</P> + +<P> +"Perhaps," she said, "the Duchess told the man not to put me in the +picture. I guess that's it. She was awful jealous. You see, dear," +she went on, very solemnly, "Lord Wychester took a great fancy to me." +</P> + +<P> +He looked up with interest. +</P> + +<P> +"To—my shape," she added. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh!" said he. +</P> + +<P> +"And that," she continued, noting his pleasure, "made the Duchess hot; +for <I>she's</I> too fat to have much of a figure. Most men, you know," she +added, as though reluctant in her own praise, "do fancy mine." She +brushed his cheek with her lips. "Don't you think, dear," she asked, +assuming an air of girlish coquetry, thus to compel the compliment, +"that I'm—rather—pretty?" +</P> + +<P> +"I think, mother," he answered, positively, "that you're very, very +pretty." +</P> + +<P> +It made her eyes shine to hear it. "Well," she resumed, improvising +more confidently, now, "the Duchess was awful mortified because Lord +Wychester danced with me seventeen times. 'Lord Wychester,' says she, +'what <I>do</I> you see in that blonde with the diamonds?' 'Duchess,' says +he, 'I bet the blonde don't weigh over a hundred and ten!'" +</P> + +<P> +There was no answering smile; the boy glanced at the picture of the +wise and courtly old Lord Wychester, gravely regarded that of the +Duchess of Croft, of whose matronly charms, of whose charities and +amiable qualities, all the world knows. +</P> + +<P> +"What did she say?" he asked. +</P> + +<P> +"'Oh, dear me, Lord Wychester!' says she. 'If you're looking for +bones,' says she, 'that blonde is a regular glue-factory!'" +</P> + +<P> +He caught his breath. +</P> + +<P> +"'A regular glue-factory,'" she repeated, inviting sympathy. "That's +what she said." +</P> + +<P> +"Did you cry?" +</P> + +<P> +"Not me!" she scorned. "Cry? Not me! Not for no mountain like her!" +</P> + +<P> +"And what," he asked, "did Lord Wychester do?" +</P> + +<P> +"'Back to the side-show, Duchess!' says Lord Wychester. 'You're too +fat for decent company. My friend the Dook,' says he, 'may be partial +to fat ladies and ten-cent freaks; but <I>my</I> taste runs to slim +blondes.'" +</P> + +<P> +No amusement was excited by Lord Wychester's second sally. In the +world she knew, it would have provoked a shout of laughter. The boy's +gravity disquieted her. +</P> + +<P> +"Did you laugh?" he asked. +</P> + +<P> +"Everybody," she answered, pitifully, "give her the laugh." +</P> + +<P> +He sighed—somewhat wistfully. "I wish," he said, "that <I>you</I> hadn't." +</P> + +<P> +"Why not!" she wondered, in genuine surprise. +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know." +</P> + +<P> +"Why, dear!" she exclaimed, a note of alarm in her voice. "It isn't +bad manners! Anyhow," she qualified, quick to catch her cue, "I didn't +laugh much. I hardly laughed at all. I don't believe I <I>did</I> laugh." +</P> + +<P> +"I'm glad," he said. +</P> + +<P> +Then, "I'm sure of it," she ventured, boldly; and she observed with +relief that he was not incredulous. +</P> + +<P> +"Did the Duchess cry?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, my, no! 'Waiter,' says the Duchess, 'open another bottle of that +wine. I feel faint.'" +</P> + +<P> +"What did Lord Wychester do then?" +</P> + +<P> +"He paid for the wine." It occurred to her that she might now surely +delight him. "Then he wanted to buy a bottle for me," she continued, +eagerly, "just to spite the Duchess. 'If <I>she</I> can have wine,' says +he, 'there isn't no good reason why <I>you</I> got to go dry.' But I +couldn't see it. 'Oh, come on!' says he. 'What's the matter with you? +Have a drink.' 'No, you don't!' says I. 'Why not?' says he." She +drew the boy a little closer, and, in the pause she patted his hand. +"'Because,' says I," she whispered, tenderly, "'I got a son; and I +<I>don't want him to do no drinking when he grows up</I>!'" She paused +again—that the effect of the words and of the caress might not be +interrupted. "'Come off!' says Lord Wychester," she went on; "'you +haven't got no son.' 'You wouldn't think to look at me,' says I, 'that +I got a son seven years old the twenty-third of last month.' 'To the +tall timber!' says he. 'You're too young and pretty. I'll give you a +thousand dollars for a kiss.' 'No, you don't!' says I. 'Why not?' +says he. 'Because,' says I, 'you don't.' 'I'll give you two +thousand,' says he." +</P> + +<P> +She was interrupted by the boy; his arms were anxiously stealing round +her neck. +</P> + +<P> +"'Three thousand!' says he." +</P> + +<P> +"Mother," the boy whispered, "did you give it to him?" +</P> + +<P> +Again, she drew him to her: as all mothers will, when, in the twilight, +they tell tales to their children, and the climax approaches. +</P> + +<P> +"'Four thousand!' says he." +</P> + +<P> +"Mother," the boy implored, "tell me quick! What did you say?" +</P> + +<P> +"'Lord Wychester,' says I, 'I don't give kisses,' says I, 'because my +son doesn't want me to do no such thing! No, sir! Not for a million +dollars!'" +</P> + +<P> +She was then made happy by his rapturous affection; and she now first +perceived—in a benighted way—that virtue was more appealing to him +than the sum of her physical attractions. Upon this new thought she +pondered. She was unable to reduce it to formal terms, to be sure; but +she felt a new delight, a new hope, and was uplifted, though she knew +not why. Later—at the crisis of their lives—the perception returned +with sufficient strength to illuminate her way.... +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +Presently the boy broke in upon her musing. "It was blondes Lord +Wychester liked," he remarked, with pride; "wasn't it, mother?" +</P> + +<P> +"Slim blondes," she corrected. +</P> + +<P> +"Bleached blondes?" +</P> + +<P> +She was appalled by the disclosure; and she was taken unaware: nor did +she dare discover the extent, the significance, of this new +sophistication, nor whence it came, lest she be all at once involved in +a tangle of explanation, from which there could be no sure issue. She +sighed; her head drooped, until it rested on his shoulder, her wet +lashes against his cheek—despairing, helpless. +</P> + +<P> +"What makes you sad?" he asked. +</P> + +<P> +Then she gathered impetuous courage. She must be calm, she knew; but +she must divert him. "See," she began, "what it says about your mother +in the paper!" She ran her finger down a long column of the fulsome +description of the great Multon ball—the list of fashionables, the +costumes. "Here it is! 'She was the loveliest woman at the dance.' +That's me. 'All the men said so. What if she is a bleached blonde? +Some people says that bleached blondes is no good. It's a lie!'" she +cried, passionately, to the bewilderment of the boy. "'God help them! +There's honest people everywhere.' Are you listening? Here's more +about me. 'She does the best she can. Maybe she <I>don't</I> amount to +much, maybe she <I>is</I> a bleached blonde; but she does the best she can. +She never done no wrong in all her life. She loves her son too much +for that. Oh, she loves her son! She'd rather die than have him feel +ashamed of her. There isn't a better woman in the world, There isn't a +better mother——'" +</P> + +<P> +He clapped his hands. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't you believe it?" she demanded. "Don't you believe what the +paper says?" +</P> + +<P> +"It's true!" he cried. "It's all true!" +</P> + +<P> +"How do you know," she whispered, intensely, "that it's all true?" +</P> + +<P> +"I—just—<I>feel</I> it!" +</P> + +<P> +They were interrupted by the clock. It struck seven times.... +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +In great haste and alarm she put him from her knee; and she caught up +her hat and cloak, and kissed him, and ran out, calling back her +good-night, again and again, as she clattered down the stairs.... In +the streets of the place to which she hurried, there were flaming +lights, the laughter of men and flaunting women, the crash and rumble +and clang of night-traffic, the blatant clamour of the pleasures of +night; shuffling, blear-eyed derelicts of passion, creeping beldames, +peevish children, youth consuming itself; rags and garish jewels, +hunger, greasy content—a confusion of wretchedness, of greed and grim +want, of delirious gaiety, of the sins that stalk in darkness.... +Through it all she brushed, unconscious—lifted from it by the magic of +this love: dwelling only upon the room that overlooked the river, and +upon the child within; remembering the light in his eyes and the +tenderness of his kiss. +</P> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="img-048"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-048.jpg" ALT="Tailpiece to _A Garden of Lies_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="213" HEIGHT="70"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap04"></A> + +<A NAME="img-049"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-049.jpg" ALT="Headpiece to _The Celebrity in Love_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="235" HEIGHT="158"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +<I>THE CELEBRITY IN LOVE</I> +</H3> + +<P> +While the boy sat alone, in wistful idleness, there came a knock at the +door—a pompous rat-tat-tat, with a stout tap-tap or two added, once +and for all to put the quality of the visitor beyond doubt. The door +was then cautiously pushed ajar to admit the head of the personage thus +impressively heralded. And a most extraordinary head it was—of +fearsome aspect; nothing but long and intimate familiarity could resign +the beholder to the unexpected appearance of it. Long, tawny hair, now +sadly unkempt, fell abundantly from crown to shoulders; and hair as +tawny, as luxuriantly thick, almost as long, completely covered the +face, from every part of which it sprang, growing shaggy and rank at +the eyebrows, which served to ambush two sharp little eyes: so that the +whole bore a precise resemblance to an ill-natured Skye terrier. It is +superfluous to add that this was at once the face and the fortune of +Toto, the Dog-faced Man, known in private life, to as many intimates as +a jealous profession can tolerate, as Mr. Poddle: for the present +disabled from public appearance by the quality of the air supplied to +the exhibits at Hockley's Musee, his lungs being, as he himself +expressed it, "not gone, by no means, but gittin' restless." +</P> + +<P> +"Mother gone?" asked the Dog-faced Man. +</P> + +<P> +"She has gone, Mr. Poddle," the boy answered, "to dine with the Mayor." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh!" Mr. Poddle ejaculated. +</P> + +<P> +"Why do you say that?" the boy asked, frowning uneasily. "You always +say, 'Oh!'" +</P> + +<P> +"Do I? 'Oh!' Like that?" +</P> + +<P> +"Why do you do it?" +</P> + +<P> +"Celebrities," replied Mr. Poddle, testily, entering at that moment, +"is not accountable. Me bein' one, don't ask me no questions." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh!" said the boy. +</P> + +<P> +Mr. Poddle sat himself in a chair by the window: and there began to +catch and vent his breath; but whether in melancholy sighs or snorts of +indignation it was impossible to determine. Having by these violent +means restored himself to a state of feeling more nearly normal, he +trifled for a time with the rings flashing on his thin, white fingers, +listlessly brushed the dust from the skirt of his rusty frock coat, +heaved a series of unmistakable sighs: whereupon—and by this strange +occupation the boy was quite fascinated—he drew a little comb, a +little brush, a little mirror, from his pocket; and having set up the +mirror in a convenient place, he proceeded to dress his hair, with +particular attention to the eyebrows, which, by and by, he tenderly +braided into two limp little horns: so that 'twas not long before he +looked much less like a frowsy Skye terrier, much more like an owl. +</P> + +<P> +"The hour, Richard," he sighed, as he deftly parted his hair in the +middle of his nose, "has came!" +</P> + +<P> +With such fond and hopeless feeling were these enigmatical words +charged that the boy could do nothing but heave a sympathetic sigh. +</P> + +<P> +"You see before you, Richard, what you never seen before. A man in the +clutches," Mr. Poddle tragically pursued, giving a vicious little twist +to his left eyebrow, "of the tender passion!" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh!" the boy muttered. +</P> + +<P> +"'Fame,'" Mr. Poddle continued, improvising a newspaper head-line, to +make himself clear, "'No Shield Against the Little God's Darts.' Git +me? The high and the low gits the arrows in the same place." +</P> + +<P> +"Does it—hurt?" +</P> + +<P> +"Hurt!" cried Mr. Poddle, furiously. "It's perfectly excrugiating! +Hurt? Why——" +</P> + +<P> +"Mr. Poddle, excuse me," the boy interrupted, "but you are biting your +mustache." +</P> + +<P> +"Thanks," said Mr. Poddle, promptly. "Glad to know it. Can't afford +to lose no more hirsute adornment. And I'm give to ravagin' it in +moments of excitement, especially sorrow. Always tell me." +</P> + +<P> +"I will," the boy gravely promised. +</P> + +<P> +"The Pink-eyed Albino," Mr. Poddle continued, now released from the +necessity of commanding his feelings, in so far as the protection of +his hair was concerned, "was fancy; the Circassian Beauty was +fascination; the Female Sampson was the hallugination of sky-blue +tights; but the Mexican Sword Swallower," he murmured, with a +melancholy wag, "is——" +</P> + +<P> +"Mr. Poddle," the boy warned, "you are—at it again." +</P> + +<P> +"Thanks," said Mr. Poddle, hastily eliminating the danger. "What I was +about to remark," was his lame conclusion, "was that the Mexican Sword +Swallower is <I>love</I>." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh!" +</P> + +<P> +The Dog-faced Man snapped a sigh in two. "Richard," he insinuated +suspiciously, "what you sayin', 'Oh!' for?" +</P> + +<P> +"Wasn't the Bearded Lady, love?" +</P> + +<P> +"Love!" laughed Mr. Poddle. "Ha, ha! Far from it! Not so! The +Bearded Lady was the snare of ambition. 'Marriage Arranged Between the +Young Duke of Blueblood and the Daughter of the Clothes-pin King. +Millions of the Higgleses to Repair the Duke's Shattered Fortunes.' +Git me? 'Wedding of the Bearded Lady and the Dog-faced Man. Sunday +Afternoon at Hockley's Popular Musee. No Extra Charge for Admission. +Fabulous Quantity of Human Hair on Exhibition At the Same Instant. +Hirsute Wonders To Tour the Country at Enormous Expense.' Git me? +Same thing. Love? Ha, ha! Not so! There's no more love in <I>that</I>," +Mr. Poddle concluded, bitterly, "than——" +</P> + +<P> +"Mr. Poddle, you are——" +</P> + +<P> +"Thanks," faltered Mr. Poddle. "As I was about to remark when +you—ah—come to the rescue—love is froze out of high life. Us +natural phenomenons is the slaves of our inheritages." +</P> + +<P> +"But you said the Bearded Lady was love at last!" +</P> + +<P> +"'Duke Said To Be Madly In Love With the American Beauty,'" Mr. Poddle +composedly replied. +</P> + +<P> +"I don't quite—get you?" +</P> + +<P> +"Us celebrities has our secrets. High life is hollow. Public must be +took into account. 'Sacrificed On His Country's Altar.' Git me? +'Good of the Profession.' Broken hearts—and all that." +</P> + +<P> +"Would you have broken the Bearded Lady's heart?" +</P> + +<P> +Mr. Poddle was by this recalled to his own lamentable condition. "I've +gone and broke my own," he burst out; "for I'm give to understand that +the lovely Sword Swallower is got entangled with a tattooed man. Not," +Mr. Poodle hastily added, "with a <I>real</I> tattooed man! Not by no +means! Far from it! <I>He's only half done!</I> Git me? His legs is +finished; and I'm give to understand that the Chinese dragon on his +back is gettin' near the end of its tail. There <I>may</I> be a risin' sun +on his chest, and a snake drawed out on his waist; of that I've heard +rumors, but I ain't had no reports. Not," said Mr. Poddle, +impressively, "what you might call undenigeable reports. And Richard," +he whispered, in great excitement and contempt, "that there half-cooked +freak won't be done for a year! He's bein' worked over on the +installment plan. And I'm give to understand that she'll wait! Oh, +wimmen!" the Dog-faced Man apostrophized. "Took by shapes and +complexions——" +</P> + +<P> +"Mr. Poddle, excuse me," the boy interrupted, diffidently, "but your +eyebrow——" +</P> + +<P> +"Thanks," Mr. Poddle groaned, his frenzy collapsing. "As I was about +to say, wimmen is like arithmetic; there ain't a easy sum in the book." +</P> + +<P> +"Mr. Poddle!" +</P> + +<P> +"Thanks," said Mr. Poddle, in deep disgust. "Am I at it again? +O'erwhelming grief! This here love will be the ruin of me. 'Bank +Cashier Defaulted For a Woman.' I've lost more priceless strands since +I seen that charming creature than I'll get back in a year. I've bit +'em off! I've tore 'em out! If this here goes on I'll be a Hairless +Wonder in a month. 'Suicided For Love.' Same thing exactly. And +what's worse," he continued, dejectedly, "the objeck of my adoration +don't look at it right. She takes me for a common audience. No regard +for talent. No appreciation for hair in the wrong place. 'Genius +Jilted By A Factory Girl.' And she takes that manufactured article of +a tattooed man for a regular platform attraction! Don't seem to +<I>know</I>, Richard, that freaks is born, not made. What's fame, anyhow?" +</P> + +<P> +The boy did not know. +</P> + +<P> +"Why, cuss me!" the Dog-faced Man exploded, "she treats me as if I was +dead-headed into the Show!" +</P> + +<P> +"Excuse me, but——" +</P> + +<P> +"Thanks. God knows, Richard, I ain't in love with her throat and +stummick. It ain't because the one's unequalled for resistin' +razor-edged steel and the other stands unrivalled in its capacity for +holdin' cold metal. It ain't her talent, Richard. No, it ain't her +talent. It ain't her beauty. It ain't even her fame. It ain't so +much her massive proportions. It's just the way she darns stockings. +Just the way she sits up there on the platform darnin' them stockings +as if there wasn't no such thing as an admirin' public below. It's +just her <I>self</I>. Git me? 'Give Up A Throne To Wed A Butcher's +Daughter.' Understand? Why, God bless you, Richard, if she was a Fiji +Island Cannibal I'd love her just the same!" +</P> + +<P> +"I think, Mr. Poddle," the boy ventured, "that I'd tell her." +</P> + +<P> +"I did," Mr. Poddle replied. "Much to my regrets I did. I writ. +Worked up a beautiful piece out of 'The Lightning Letter-writer for +Lovers.' 'Oh, beauteous Sword-Swallower,' I writ, 'pet of the public, +pride of the sideshow, bright particular star in the constellation of +natural phenomenons! One who is not unknown to fame is dazzled by your +charms. He dares to lift his stricken eyes, to give vent to the +tumultuous beatings of his manly bosom, to send you, in fact, this +note. And if you want to know who done it, wear a red rose to-night.' +Well," Mr. Poddle continued, "she seen me give it to the peanut-boy. +And knowin' who it come from, she writ back. She writ," Mr. Poddle +dramatically repeated, "right back." +</P> + +<P> +The pause was so long, so painful, that the boy was moved to inquire +concerning the answer. +</P> + +<P> +"It stabs me," said Mr. Poddle. +</P> + +<P> +"I think I'd like to know," said the boy. +</P> + +<P> +"'Are you much give,' says she, 'to barkin' in your sleep?'" +</P> + +<P> +A very real tear left the eye of Mr. Poddle, ran down the hair of his +cheek, changed its course to the eyebrow, and there hung glistening.... +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +It was apparent that the Dog-faced Man's thoughts must immediately be +diverted into more cheerful channels. "Won't you please read to me, +Mr. Poddle," said the boy, "what it says in the paper about my mother?" +</P> + +<P> +The ruse was effective. Mr. Poddle looked up with a start. "Eh?" he +ejaculated. +</P> + +<P> +"Won't you?" the boy begged. +</P> + +<P> +"I been talkin' so much, Richard," Mr. Poddle stammered, turning hoarse +all at once, "that I gone and lost my voice." +</P> + +<P> +He decamped to his room across the hall without another word. +</P> + +<BR><BR> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap05"></A> + +<A NAME="img-064"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-064.jpg" ALT="Headpiece to _At Midnight_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="226" HEIGHT="153"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +<I>AT MIDNIGHT</I> +</H3> + +<P> +At midnight the boy had long been sound asleep in bed. The lamp was +turned low. It was very quiet in the room—quiet and shadowy in all +the tenement.... And the stair creaked; and footfalls shuffled along +the hall—and hesitated at the door of the place where the child lay +quietly sleeping; and there ceased. There was the rumble of a man's +voice, deep, insistent, imperfectly restrained. A woman protested. +The door was softly opened; and the boy's mother stepped in, moving on +tiptoe, and swiftly turned to bar entrance with her arm. +</P> + +<P> +"Hist!" she whispered, angrily. "Don't speak so loud. You'll wake the +boy." +</P> + +<P> +"Let me in, Millie," the man insisted. "Aw, come on, now!" +</P> + +<P> +"I can't, Jim. You know I can't. Go on home now. Stop that! I won't +marry you. Let go my arm. You'll wake the boy, I tell you!" +</P> + +<P> +There was a short scuffle: at the end of which, the woman's arm still +barred the door. +</P> + +<P> +"Here I ain't seen you in three year," the man complained. "And you +won't let me in. That ain't right, Millie. It ain't kind to an old +friend like me. You didn't used to be that way." +</P> + +<P> +"No," the woman whispered, abstractedly; "there's been a change. I +ain't the same as I used to be." +</P> + +<P> +"You ain't changed for the better, Millie. No, you ain't." +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know," she mused. "Sometimes I think not. It ain't because I +don't want you, Jim," she continued, speaking more softly, now, "that I +don't let you in. God knows, I like to meet old friends; but——" +</P> + +<P> +It was sufficient. The man gently took her arm from the way. He +stepped in—glanced at the sleeping boy, lying still as death, shaded +from the lamp—and turned again to the woman. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't wake him!" she said. +</P> + +<P> +They were still standing. The man was short, long-armed, vastly broad +at the shoulders, deep-chested: flashy in dress, dull and kind of +feature—handsome enough, withal. He was an acrobat. Even in the dim +light, he carried the impression of great muscular strength—of grace +and agility. For a moment the woman's eyes ran over his stocky body: +then, spasmodically clenching her hands, she turned quickly to the boy +on the bed; and she moved back from the man, and thereafter regarded +him watchfully. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't make no difference if I do wake him," he complained. "The boy +knows me." +</P> + +<P> +"But he don't like you." +</P> + +<P> +"Aw, Millie!" said he, in reproach. "Come off!" +</P> + +<P> +"I seen it in his eyes," she insisted. +</P> + +<P> +The man softly laughed. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't you laugh no more!" she flashed. "You can't tell a mother what +she sees in her own baby's eyes. I tell you, Jim, he don't like you. +He never did." +</P> + +<P> +"That's all fancy, Millie. Why, he ain't seen me in three year! And +you can't see nothing in the eyes of a four year old kid. You're too +fond of that boy, anyhow," the man continued, indignantly. "What's got +into you? You ain't forgot that winter night out there in Idaho, have +you? Don't you remember what you said to Dick that night? You said +Dick was to blame, Millie, don't you remember? Remember the doctor +coming to the hotel? I'll never forget how you went on. Never heard a +woman swear like you before. Never seen one go on like you went on. +And when you hit Dick, Millie, for what you said he'd done, I felt bad +for Dick, though I hadn't much cause to care for what happened to him. +Millie, girl, you was a regular wildcat when the doctor told you what +was coming. You didn't want no kid, then!" +</P> + +<P> +"Don't!" she gasped. "I ain't forgot. But I'm changed, Jim—since +then." +</P> + +<P> +He moved a step nearer. +</P> + +<P> +"I ain't the same as I used to be in them days," she went on, staring +at the window, and through the window to the starry night. "And Dick's +dead, now. I don't know," she faltered; "it's all sort of—different." +</P> + +<P> +"What's gone and changed you, Millie?" +</P> + +<P> +"I ain't the same!" she repeated. +</P> + +<P> +"What's changed you?" +</P> + +<P> +"And I ain't been the same," she whispered, "since I got the boy!" +</P> + +<P> +In the pause, he took her hand. She seemed not to know it—but let it +lie close held in his great palm. +</P> + +<P> +"And you won't have nothing to do with me?" he asked. +</P> + +<P> +"I can't," she answered. "I don't think of myself no more. And the +boy—wouldn't like it." +</P> + +<P> +"You always said you would, if it wasn't for Dick; and Dick ain't here +no more. There ain't no harm in loving me now." He tried to draw her +to him. "Aw, come on!" he pleaded. "You know you like me." +</P> + +<P> +She withdrew her hand—shrank from him. "Don't!" she said. "I like +you, Jim. You know I always did. You was always good to me. I never +cared much for Dick. Him and me teamed up pretty well. That was all. +It was always you, Jim, that I cared for. But, somehow, now, I wish +I'd loved Dick—more than I did. I feel different, now. I wish—oh, I +wish—that I'd loved him!" +</P> + +<P> +The man frowned. +</P> + +<P> +"He's dead," she continued. "I can't tell him nothing, now. The +chance is gone. But I wish I'd loved him!" +</P> + +<P> +"He never done much for you." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, he did, Jim!" she answered, quickly. "He done all a man can do +for a woman!" +</P> + +<P> +She was smiling—but in an absent way. The man started. There was a +light in her eyes he had never seen before. +</P> + +<P> +"He give me," she said, "the boy!" +</P> + +<P> +"You're crazy about that kid," the man burst out, a violent, disgusted +whisper. "You're gone out of your mind." +</P> + +<P> +"No, I ain't," she replied, doggedly. "I'm different since I got him. +That's all. And I'd like Dick to know that I look at him different +since he died. I can't love Dick. I never could. But I could thank +him if he was here. Do you mind what I called the boy? I don't call +him Claud now. I call him—Richard. It's all I can do to show Dick +that I'm grateful." +</P> + +<P> +The man caught his breath—in angry impatience. "Millie," he warned, +"the boy'll grow up." +</P> + +<P> +She put her hands to her eyes. +</P> + +<P> +"He'll grow up and leave you. What you going to do then?" +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know," she sighed. "Just—go along." +</P> + +<P> +"You'll be all alone, Millie." +</P> + +<P> +"He loves me!" she muttered. "He'll never leave me!" +</P> + +<P> +"He's got to, Millie. He's got to be a man. You can't keep him." +</P> + +<P> +"Maybe I <I>can't</I> keep him," she replied, in a passionate undertone. +"Maybe I <I>do</I> love you. Maybe he'd get to love you, too. But look at +him, Jim! See where he lies?" +</P> + +<P> +The man turned towards the bed. +</P> + +<P> +"It's on my side, Jim! Understand? He lies there always till I come +in. Know why?" +</P> + +<P> +He watched her curiously. +</P> + +<P> +"He'll wake up, Jim, when I lift him over. That's what he wants. +He'll wake up and say, 'Is that you, mother?' And he'll be asleep +again, God bless him! before I can tell him that it is. My God! Jim, +I can't tell you what it means to come in at night and find him lying +there. That little body of a man! That clean, white soul! I can't +tell you how I feel, Jim. It's something a man can't know. And do you +think he'd stand for you? He'd say he would. Oh, he'd say he would! +He'd look in my eyes, Jim, and he'd find out what I wanted him to say; +and he'd <I>say</I> it. But, Jim, he'd be hurt. Understand? He'd think I +didn't love him any more. He's only a child—and he'd think I didn't +love him. Where'd he sleep, Jim? Alone? He couldn't do it. Don't +you <I>see</I>? I can't live with nobody, Jim. And I don't want to. I +don't care for myself no more. I used to, in them days—when you and +me and Dick and the crowd was all together. But I don't—no more!" +</P> + +<P> +The man stooped, picked a small stocking from the floor, stood staring +at it. +</P> + +<P> +"I'm changed," the woman repeated, "since I got the boy." +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know what you'll do, Millie, when he grows up." +</P> + +<P> +She shook her head. +</P> + +<P> +"And when he finds out?" +</P> + +<P> +"That's what I'm afraid of," she whispered, hoarsely. "Somebody'll +tell him—some day. He don't know, now. And I don't want him to know. +He ain't our kind. Maybe it's because I keep him here alone. Maybe +it's because he don't see nobody. Maybe it's just because I love him +so. I don't know. But he ain't like us. It would hurt him to know. +And I can't hurt him. I can't!" +</P> + +<P> +The man tossed the stocking away. It fell upon a heap of little +under-garments, strewn upon the floor. +</P> + +<P> +"You're a fool, Millie," said he. "I tell you, he'll leave you. He'll +leave you cold—when he grows up—and another woman comes along." +</P> + +<P> +She raised her hand to stop him. "Don't say that!" she moaned. "There +won't be no other woman. There can't be. Seems to me I'll want to +kill the first that comes. A woman? What woman? There won't be none." +</P> + +<P> +"There's <I>got</I> to be a woman." +</P> + +<P> +"What woman? There ain't a woman in the world fit to—oh," she broke +off, "don't talk of <I>him</I>—and a woman!" +</P> + +<P> +"It'll come, Millie. He's a man—and there's got to be a woman. And +she won't want you. And you'll be too old, then, to——" +</P> + +<P> +The boy stirred. +</P> + +<P> +"Hist!" she commanded. +</P> + +<P> +They waited. An arm was tossed—the boy smiled—there was a sigh. He +was sound asleep again. +</P> + +<P> +"Millie!" The man approached. She straightened to resist him. "You +love me, don't you?" +</P> + +<P> +She withdrew. +</P> + +<P> +"You want to marry me?" +</P> + +<P> +Still she withdrew; but he overtook her, and caught her hand. She was +now driven to a corner—at bay. Her face was flushed; there was an +irresolute light in her eyes—the light, too, of fear. +</P> + +<P> +"Go 'way!" she gasped. "Leave me alone!" +</P> + +<P> +He put his arm about her. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't!" she moaned. "You'll wake the boy." +</P> + +<P> +"Millie!" he whispered. +</P> + +<P> +"Let me go, Jim!" she protested, weakly. "I can't. Oh, leave me +alone! You'll wake the boy. I can't. I'd like to. I—I—I want to +marry you; but I——" +</P> + +<P> +"Aw, come on!" he pleaded, drawing her close. And he suddenly found +her limp in his arms. "You got to marry me!" he whispered, in triumph. +"By God! you can't help yourself. I got you! I got you!" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, let me go!" +</P> + +<P> +"No, I won't, Millie. I'll never let you go." +</P> + +<P> +"For God's sake, Jim! Jim—oh, don't kiss me!" +</P> + +<P> +The boy stirred again—and began to mutter in his sleep. At once the +woman commanded herself. She stiffened—released herself—pushed the +man away. She lifted a hand—until the child lay quiet once more. +There was meantime breathless silence. Then she pointed imperiously to +the door. The man sullenly held his place. She tiptoed to the +door—opened it; again imperiously gestured. He would not stir. +</P> + +<P> +"I'll go," he whispered, "if you tell me I can come back." +</P> + +<P> +The boy awoke—but was yet blinded by sleep; and the room was dim-lit. +He rubbed his eyes. The man and the woman stood rigid in the shadow. +</P> + +<P> +"Is it you, mother?" +</P> + +<P> +There was no resisting her command—her flashing eyes, the passionate +gesture. The man moved to the door, muttering that he would come +back—and disappeared. She closed the door after him. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, dear," she answered. "It is your mother." +</P> + +<P> +"Was there a man with you?" +</P> + +<P> +"It was Lord Wychester," she said, brightly, "seeing me home from the +party." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh!" he yawned. +</P> + +<P> +"Go to sleep." +</P> + +<P> +He fell asleep at once. The stair creaked. The tenement was again +quiet.... +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +He was lying in his mother's place in the bed.... She looked out upon +the river. Somewhere, far below in the darkness, the current still ran +swirling to the sea—where the lights go different ways.... The boy +was lying in his mother's place. And before she lifted him, she took +his warm little hand, and kissed his brow, where the dark curls lay +damp with the sweat of sleep. For a long, long time, she sat watching +him through a mist of glad tears. The sight of his face, the outline +of his body under the white coverlet, the touch of his warm flesh: all +this thrilled her inexpressibly. Had she been devout, she would have +thanked God for the gift of a son—and would have found relief.... +When she crept in beside him, she drew him to her, tenderly still +closer, until he was all contained in her arms; and she forgot all +else—and fell asleep, untroubled. +</P> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="img-081"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-081.jpg" ALT="Tailpiece to _At Midnight_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="228" HEIGHT="78"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap06"></A> + +<A NAME="img-082"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-082.jpg" ALT="Headpiece to _A Meeting by Chance_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="225" HEIGHT="156"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +<I>A MEETING BY CHANCE</I> +</H3> + +<P> +Came, then, into the lives of these two, to work wide and immediate +changes, the Rev. John Fithian, a curate of the Church of the Lifted +Cross—a tall, free-moving, delicately spare figure, clad in spotless +black, with a hint of fashion about it, a dull gold crucifix lying +suspended upon the breast: pale, long of face, the eye-sockets deep and +shadowy; hollow-cheeked, the bones high and faintly touched with red; +with black, straight, damp hair, brushed back from a smooth brow and +falling in the perfection of neatness to the collar—the whole severe +and forbidding, indeed, but for saving gray eyes, wherein there lurked, +behind the patient agony, often displacing it, a tender smile, +benignant, comprehending, infinitely sympathetic, by which the gloomy +exterior was lightened and in some surprising way gratefully explained. +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +By chance, on the first soft spring day of that year, the Rev. John +Fithian, returning from the Neighbourhood Settlement, where he had +delighted himself with good deeds, done of pure purpose, came near the +door of the Box Street tenement, distributing smiles, pennies, +impulsive, genuine caresses, to the children as he went, tipping their +faces, patting their heads, all in the rare, unquestioned way, being +not alien to the manner of the poor. A street piano, at the corner, +tinkled an air to which a throng of ragged, lean little girls danced in +the yellow sunshine, dodging trucks and idlers and impatient +pedestrians with unconcern, colliding and tripping with utmost good +nature. The curate was arrested by the voice of a child, singing to +the corner accompaniment—low, in the beginning, brooding, tentative, +but in a moment rising sure and clear and tender. It was not hard for +the Rev. John Fithian to slip a cassock and surplice upon this wistful +child, to give him a background of lofty arches and stained windows, to +frame the whole in shadows. And, lo! in the chancel of the Church of +the Lifted Cross there stood an angel, singing. +</P> + +<P> +The boy looked up, a glance of suspicion, of fear; but he was at once +reassured: there was no guile in the smiling gray eyes of the +questioner. +</P> + +<P> +"I am waiting," he answered, "for my mother. She will be home soon." +</P> + +<P> +In a swift, penetrating glance, darting far and deep, dwelling briefly, +the curate discovered the pathos of the child's life—the unknowing, +patient outlook, the vague sense of pain, the bewilderment, the wistful +melancholy, the hopeful determination. +</P> + +<P> +"You, too!" he sighed. +</P> + +<P> +The expression of kindred was not comprehended; but the boy was not +disquieted by the sigh, by the sudden extinguishment of the beguiling +smile. +</P> + +<P> +"She has gone," he continued, "to the wedding of Sir Arthur Coll and +Miss Stillison. She will have a very good time." +</P> + +<P> +The curate came to himself with a start and a gasp. +</P> + +<P> +"She's a bridesmaid," the boy added. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh!" ejaculated the curate. +</P> + +<P> +"Why do you say, 'Oh!'" the boy complained, frowning. "Everybody says +that," he went on, wistfully; "and I don't know why." +</P> + +<P> +The curate was a gentleman—acute and courteous. "A touch of +indigestion," he answered, promptly, laying a white hand on his black +waistcoat. "Oh! There it is again!" +</P> + +<P> +"Stomach ache?" +</P> + +<P> +"Well, you might call it that." +</P> + +<P> +The boy was much concerned. "If you come up-stairs," said he, +anxiously, "I'll give you some medicine. Mother keeps it for me." +</P> + +<P> +Thus, presently, the curate found himself top-floor rear, in the room +that overlooked the broad river, the roofs of the city beyond, the +misty hills: upon which the fading sunshine now fell. And having +gratefully swallowed the dose, with a broad, persistent smile, he was +given a seat by the window, that the beauty of the day, the +companionship of the tiny craft on the river, the mystery of the +far-off places, might distract and comfort him. From the boy, sitting +upright and prim on the extreme edge of a chair, his feet on the rung, +his hands on his knees, proceeded a stream of amiable chatter—not the +less amiable for being grave—to which the curate, compelled to his +best behavior, listened with attention as amiable, as grave: and this +concerned the boats, afloat below, the lights on the river, the child's +mother, the simple happenings of his secluded life. So untaught was +this courtesy, spontaneous, native—so did it spring from natural wish +and perception—that the curate was soon more mystified than +entertained; and so did the curate's smile increase in gratification +and sympathy that the child was presently off the chair, lingering half +abashed in the curate's neighbourhood, soon seated familiarly upon his +knee, toying with the dull gold crucifix. +</P> + +<P> +"What's this?" he asked. +</P> + +<P> +"It is the symbol," the curate answered, "of the sacrifice of our dear +Lord and Saviour." +</P> + +<P> +There was no meaning in the words; but the boy held the cross very +tenderly, and looked long upon the face of the Man there in +torture—and was grieved and awed by the agony.... +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +In the midst of this, the boy's mother entered. She stopped dead +beyond the threshold—warned by the unexpected presence to be upon her +guard. Her look of amazement changed to a scowl of suspicion. The +curate put the boy from his knee. He rose—embarrassed. There was a +space of ominous silence. +</P> + +<P> +"What you doing here?" the woman demanded. +</P> + +<P> +"Trespassing." +</P> + +<P> +She was puzzled—by the word, the smile, the quiet voice. The whole +was a new, nonplussing experience. Her suspicion was aggravated. +</P> + +<P> +"What you been telling the boy? Eh? What you been saying about me? +Hear me? Ain't you got no tongue?" She turned to the frightened +child. "Richard," she continued, her voice losing all its quality of +anger, "what lies has this man been telling you about your poor mother?" +</P> + +<P> +The boy kept a bewildered silence. +</P> + +<P> +"What you been lying about?" the woman exclaimed, advancing upon the +curate, her eyes blazing. +</P> + +<P> +"I have been telling," he answered, still gravely smiling, "the truth." +</P> + +<P> +Her anger was halted—but she was not pacified. +</P> + +<P> +"Telling," the curate repeated, with a little pause, "the truth." +</P> + +<P> +"You been talking about <I>me</I>, eh?" +</P> + +<P> +"No; it was of your late husband." +</P> + +<P> +She started. +</P> + +<P> +"I am a curate of the Church of the Lifted Cross," the curate +continued, with unruffled composure, "and I have been telling the exact +truth concerning——" +</P> + +<P> +"You been lying!" the woman broke in. "Yes, you have!" +</P> + +<P> +"No—not so," he insisted. "The exact truth concerning the funeral of +Dick Slade from the Church of the Lilted Cross. Your son has told me +of his father's death—of the funeral, And I have told your son that I +distinctly remember the occasion. I have told him, moreover," he +added, putting a hand on the boy's shoulder, his eyes faintly +twinkling, "that his father was—ah—as I recall him—of most +distinguished appearance." +</P> + +<P> +She was completely disarmed. +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +When, after an agreeable interval, the Rev. John Fithian took his +leave, the boy's mother followed him from the room, and closed the door +upon the boy. "I'm glad," she faltered, "that you didn't give me away. +It was—kind. But I'm sorry you lied—like that. You didn't have to, +you know. He's only a child. It's easy to fool him. <I>You</I> wouldn't +have to lie. But I <I>got</I> to lie. It makes him happy—and there's +things he mustn't know. He <I>must</I> be happy. I can't stand it when he +ain't. It hurts me so. But," she added, looking straight into his +eyes, gratefully, "you didn't have to lie. And—it was kind." Her +eyes fell. "It was—awful kind." +</P> + +<P> +"I may come again?" +</P> + +<P> +She stared at the floor. "Come again?" she muttered. "I don't know." +</P> + +<P> +"I should very much like to come." +</P> + +<P> +"What do you want?" she asked, looking up. "It ain't <I>me</I>, is it?" +</P> + +<P> +The curate shook his head. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, what do you want? I thought you was from the Society. I +thought you was an agent come to take him away because I wasn't fit to +keep him. But it ain't that. And it ain't <I>me</I>. What is it you want, +anyhow?" +</P> + +<P> +"To come again." +</P> + +<P> +She turned away. He patiently waited. All at once she looked into his +eyes, long, deep, intensely—a scrutiny of his very soul. +</P> + +<P> +"You got a good name to keep, ain't you?" she asked. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," he answered. "And you?" +</P> + +<P> +"It don't matter about me." +</P> + +<P> +"And I may come?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," she whispered. +</P> + +<BR><BR> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap07"></A> + +<A NAME="img-094"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-094.jpg" ALT="Headpiece to _Renunciation_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="229" HEIGHT="160"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +<I>RENUNCIATION</I> +</H3> + +<P> +After that the curate came often to the room in the Box Street +tenement; but beyond the tenants of top floor rear he did not allow the +intimacy to extend—not even to embrace the quaintly love-lorn Mr. +Poddle. It was now summer; the window was open to the west wind, +blowing in from the sea. Most the curate came at evening, when the +breeze was cool and clean, and the lights began to twinkle in the +gathering shadows: then to sit at the window, describing unrealities, +not conceived in the world of the listeners; and these new and +beautiful thoughts, melodiously voiced in the twilight, filled the +hours with wonder and strange delight. Sometimes, the boy sang—his +mother, too, and the curate: a harmony of tender voices, lifted softly. +And once, when the songs were all sung, and the boy had slipped away to +the comfort of Mr. Poddle, who was now ill abed with his restless +lungs, the curate turned resolutely to the woman. +</P> + +<P> +"I want the boy's voice," he said. +</P> + +<P> +She gave no sign of agitation. "His voice?" she asked, quietly. +"Ain't the boy's <I>self</I> nothing to your church?" +</P> + +<P> +"Not," he answered, "to the church." +</P> + +<P> +"Not to you?" +</P> + +<P> +"It is very much," he said, gravely, "to me." +</P> + +<P> +"Well?" +</P> + +<P> +He lifted his eyebrows—in amazed comprehension. "I must say, then," +he said, bending eagerly towards her, "that I want the boy?" +</P> + +<P> +"The boy," she answered. +</P> + +<P> +For a little while she was silent—vacantly contemplating the bare +floor. There had been no revelation. She was not taken unaware. She +had watched his purpose form. Long before, she had perceived the issue +approaching, and had bravely met it. But it was all now definite and +near. She found it hard to command her feeling—bitter to cut the +trammels of her love for the child. +</P> + +<P> +"You got to pay, you know," she said, looking up. "Boy sopranos is +scarce. You can't have him cheap." +</P> + +<P> +"Of course!" he hastened to say. "The church will pay." +</P> + +<P> +"Money? It ain't money I want." +</P> + +<P> +To this there was nothing to say. The curate was in the dark—and +quietly awaited enlightenment. +</P> + +<P> +"Take him!" she burst out, rising. "My God! just you take him. That's +all I want. Understand me? I want to get rid of him." +</P> + +<P> +He watched her in amazement. For a time she wandered about the room, +distraught, quite aimless: now tragically pausing; now brushing her +hand over her eyes—a gesture of weariness and despair. Then she faced +him. +</P> + +<P> +"Take him," she said, her voice hoarse. "Take him away from me. I +ain't fit to have him. Understand? He's got to grow up into a man. +And I can't teach him how. Take him. Take him altogether. Make +him—like yourself. Before you come," she proceeded, now feverishly +pacing the floor, "I never knew that men was good. No man ever looked +in my eyes the way you do. I know them—oh, I know them! And when my +boy grows up, I want him to look in the eyes of women the way you +look—in mine. Just that! Only that! If only, oh, if only my son +will look in the eyes of women the way you look in mine! Understand? +I <I>want</I> him to. But I can't teach him how. I don't know enough. I +ain't good enough." +</P> + +<P> +The curate rose. +</P> + +<P> +"You can't take his voice and leave his soul," she went on. "You got +to take his soul. You got to make it—like your own." +</P> + +<P> +"Not like mine!" +</P> + +<P> +"Just," she said, passionately, "like yours. Don't you warn me!" she +flashed. "I know the difference between your soul and mine. I know +that when his soul is like yours he won't love me no more. But I can't +help that. I got to do without him. I got to live my life—and let +him live his. It's the way with mothers and sons. God help the +mothers! It's the way of the world.... And he'll go with you," she +added. "I'll get him so he'll be glad to go. It won't be nice to +do—but I can do it. Maybe you think I can't. Maybe you think I love +him too much. It ain't that I love him too much. It's because I love +him <I>enough</I>!" +</P> + +<P> +"You offer the boy to me?" +</P> + +<P> +"Will you take him—voice and soul?" +</P> + +<P> +"I will take him," said the curate, "soul and voice." +</P> + +<P> +She began at once to practice upon the boy's love for her—this +skillfully, persistently: without pity for herself or him. She sighed, +wept, sat gloomy for hours together: nor would she explain her sorrow, +but relentlessly left it to deal with his imagination, by which it was +magnified and touched with the horror of mystery. It was not +hard—thus to feign sadness, terror, despair: to hint misfortune, +parting, unalterable love. Nor could the boy withstand it; by this +depression he was soon reduced to a condition of apprehension and grief +wherein self-sacrifice was at one with joyful opportunity. Dark days, +these—hours of agony, premonition, fearful expectation. And when they +had sufficiently wrought upon him, she was ready to proceed. +</P> + +<P> +One night she took him in her lap, in the old close way, in which he +loved to be held, and sat rocking, for a time, silently. +</P> + +<P> +"Let us talk, dear," she said. +</P> + +<P> +"I think I'm too sick," he sighed. "I just want to lie here—and not +talk." +</P> + +<P> +He had but expressed her own desire—to have him lie there: not to +talk, but just to feel him lying in her arms. +</P> + +<P> +"We must," she said. +</P> + +<P> +Something in her voice—something distinguishable from the recent days +as deep and real—aroused the boy. He touched the lashes of her +eyes—and found them wet. +</P> + +<P> +"Why are you crying?" he asked. "Oh, tell me, mother! Tell me <I>now</I>!" +</P> + +<P> +She did not answer. +</P> + +<P> +"I'm sick," he muttered. "I—I—think I'm very sick." +</P> + +<P> +"Something has happened, dear," she said. "I'm going to tell you +what." She paused—and in the pause felt his body grow tense in a +familiar way. For a moment the prospect frightened her. She felt, +vaguely, that she was playing with that which was infinitely +delicate—which might break in her very hands, and leave her desolate. +"You know, dear," she continued, faltering, "we used to be very rich. +But we're not, any more." It was a poor lie—she realized that: and +was half ashamed. "We're very poor, now," she went on, hurriedly. "A +man broke into the bank and stole all your mother's gold and diamonds +and lovely dresses. She hasn't anything—any more." She had conceived +a vast contempt for the lie; she felt that it was a weak, unpracticed +thing—but she knew that it was sufficient: for he had never yet +doubted her. "So I don't know what she'll do," she concluded, weakly. +"She will have to stop having good times, I guess. She will have to go +to work." +</P> + +<P> +He straightened in her lap. "No, no!" he cried, gladly. "<I>I'll</I> work!" +</P> + +<P> +Her impulse was to express her delight in his manliness, her triumphant +consciousness of his love—to kiss him, to hug him until he cried out +with pain. But she restrained all this—harshly, pitilessly. She had +no mercy upon herself. +</P> + +<P> +"I'll work!" he repeated. +</P> + +<P> +"How?" she asked. "You don't know how." +</P> + +<P> +"Teach me." +</P> + +<P> +She laughed—an ironical little laugh: designed to humiliate him. +"Why," she exclaimed, "I don't know how to teach you!" +</P> + +<P> +He sighed. +</P> + +<P> +"But," she added, significantly, "the curate knows." +</P> + +<P> +"Then," said he, taking hope, "the curate will teach me." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes; but——" +</P> + +<P> +"But what? Tell me quick, mother!" +</P> + +<P> +"Well," she hesitated, "the curate is so busy. Anyhow, dear," she +continued, "I would have to work. We are very poor. You see, dear, it +takes a great deal of money to buy new clothes for you. And, then, +dear, you see——" +</P> + +<P> +He waited—somewhat disturbed by the sudden failure of her voice. It +was all becoming bitter to her, now; she found it hard to continue. +</P> + +<P> +"You see," she gasped, "you eat—quite a bit." +</P> + +<P> +"I'll not eat much," he promised. "And I'll not want new clothes. And +it won't take long for the curate to teach me how to work." +</P> + +<P> +She would not agree. +</P> + +<P> +"Tell me!" he commanded. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," she said; "but the curate says he wants you to live with him." +</P> + +<P> +"Would you come, too?" +</P> + +<P> +"No," she answered. +</P> + +<P> +He did not yet comprehend. "Would I go—alone?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes." +</P> + +<P> +"All alone?" +</P> + +<P> +"Alone!" +</P> + +<P> +Quiet fell upon all the world—in the twilighted room, in the tenement, +in the falling night without, where no breeze moved. The child sought +to get closer within his mother's arms, nearer to her bosom—then +stirred no more. The lights were flashing into life on the +river—wandering aimlessly: but yet drifting to the sea.... Some one +stumbled past the door—grumbling maudlin wrath. +</P> + +<P> +"There is no other way," the mother said. +</P> + +<P> +There was no response—a shiver, subsiding at once: no more than that. +</P> + +<P> +"And I would go to see you—quite often." +</P> + +<P> +She tried to see his face; but it was hid against her. +</P> + +<P> +"It would be better," she whispered, "for you." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, mother," he sobbed, sitting back in her lap, "what would you do +without me?" +</P> + +<P> +It was a crucial question—so appealing in unselfish love, so vividly +portraying her impending desolation, that for an instant her resolution +departed. What would she do without him? God knew! But she commanded +herself. +</P> + +<P> +"I would not have to work," she said. +</P> + +<P> +He turned her face to the light—looked deep in her eyes, searching for +the truth. She met his glance without wavering. Then, discerning the +effect, deliberately, when his eyes were alight with filial love and +concern, at the moment when the sacrifice was most clear and most +poignant, she lied. +</P> + +<P> +"I would be happier," she said, "without you." +</P> + +<P> +A moan escaped him. +</P> + +<P> +"Will you go with the curate?" she asked. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes." +</P> + +<P> +He fell back upon her bosom.... +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +There was no delay. 'Twas all done in haste. The night came. Gently +the curate took the child from her arms. +</P> + +<P> +"Good-bye," she said. +</P> + +<P> +"I said I would not cry, mother," he faltered. "I am not crying." +</P> + +<P> +"Good-bye, dear." +</P> + +<P> +"Mother, I am not crying." +</P> + +<P> +"You are very brave," she said, discovering his wish. "Good-bye. Be a +good boy." +</P> + +<P> +He took the curate's hand. They moved to the door—but there turned +and lingered. While the child looked upon his mother, bravely calling +a smile to his face, that she might be comforted, there crept into his +eyes, against his will, some reproach. Perceiving this, she staggered +towards him, but halted at the table, which she clutched: and there +stood, her head hanging forward, her body swaying. Then she levelled a +finger at the curate. +</P> + +<P> +"Take him away, you damn fool!" she screamed. +</P> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="img-109"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-109.jpg" ALT="Tailpiece to _Renunciation_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="237" HEIGHT="138"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap08"></A> + +<A NAME="img-110"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-110.jpg" ALT="Headpiece to _In the Current_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="229" HEIGHT="156"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +<I>IN THE CURRENT</I> +</H3> + +<P> +Seven o'clock struck. It made no impression upon her. Eight +o'clock—nine o'clock. It was now dark. Ten o'clock. She did not +hear. Still at the window, her elbow on the sill, her chin resting in +her hand, she kept watch on the river—but did not see the river: but +saw the sea, wind-tossed and dark, where the lights go wide apart. +Eleven o'clock. Ghostly moonlight filled the room. The tenement, +restless in the summer heat, now sighed and fell asleep. Twelve +o'clock. She had not moved: nor dared she move. There was a knock at +the door—a quick step behind her. She turned in alarm. +</P> + +<P> +"Millie!" +</P> + +<P> +She rose. Voice and figure were well known to her. She started +forward—but stopped dead. +</P> + +<P> +"Is it you, Jim?" she faltered. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, Millie. It's me—come back. You don't feel the way you did +before, do you, girl?" He suddenly subdued his voice—as though +recollecting a caution. "You ain't going to send me away, are you?" he +asked. +</P> + +<P> +"Go 'way!" she complained. "Leave me alone." +</P> + +<P> +He came nearer. +</P> + +<P> +"Give me a show, Jim," she begged. "Go 'way. It ain't fair to +come—now. Hear me?" she cried, in protest against his nearer +approach, her voice rising shrilly. "It ain't fair——" +</P> + +<P> +"Hist!" he interrupted. "You'll wake the——" +</P> + +<P> +She laughed harshly. "Wake what?" she mocked. "Eh, Jim? What'll I +wake?" +</P> + +<P> +"Why, Millie!" he exclaimed. "You'll wake the boy." +</P> + +<P> +"Boy!" she laughed. "What boy? There ain't no boy. Look here!" she +cried, rushing impetuously to the bed, throwing back the coverlet, +wildly tossing the pillows to the floor. "What'll I wake? Eh, Jim? +Where's the boy I'll wake?" She turned upon him. "What you saying +'Hist!' for? Hist!" she mocked, with a laugh. "Talk as loud as you +like, Jim. You don't need to care what you say or how you say it. +There ain't nobody here to mind you. For I tell you," she stormed, +"there ain't no boy—no more!" +</P> + +<P> +He caught her hand. +</P> + +<P> +"Let go my hand!" she commanded. "Keep off, Jim! I ain't in no temper +to stand it—to-night." +</P> + +<P> +He withdrew. "Millie," he asked, in distress, "the boy ain't——" +</P> + +<P> +"Dead?" she laughed. "No. I give him away. He was different from us. +I didn't have no right to keep him. I give him to a parson. Because," +she added, defiantly, "I wasn't fit to bring him up. And he ain't here +no more," she sighed, blankly sweeping the moonlit room. "I'm all +alone—now." +</P> + +<P> +"Poor girl!" he muttered. +</P> + +<P> +She was tempted by this sympathy. "Go home, Jim," she said. "It ain't +fair to stay. I'm all alone, now—and it ain't treating me right." +</P> + +<P> +"Millie," he answered, "you ain't treating yourself right." +</P> + +<P> +She flung out her arms—in dissent and hopelessness. +</P> + +<P> +"No, you ain't," he continued. "You've give him up. You're all alone. +You can't go on—alone. Millie, girl," he pleaded, softly, "I want +you. Come to me!" +</P> + +<P> +She wavered. +</P> + +<P> +"Come to me!" he repeated, his voice tremulous, his arms extended. +"You're all alone. You've lost him. Come to me!" +</P> + +<P> +"Lost him?" she mused. "No—not that. If I'd lost him, Jim, I'd take +you. If ever he looked in my eyes—as if I'd lost him—I'd take you. +I've give him up; but I ain't lost him. Maybe," she proceeded, +eagerly, "when the time comes, he'll not give me up. He loves me, Jim; +he'll not forget. I know he's different from us. You can't tell a +mother nothing about such things as that. God!" she muttered, clasping +her hands, "how strangely different he is. And every day he'll change. +Every day he'll be—more different. That's what I want. That's why I +give him up. To make him—more different! But maybe," she continued, +her voice rising with the intensity of her feeling, "when he grows up, +and the time comes—maybe, Jim, when he can't be made no more +different—maybe, when I go to him, man grown—are you +listening?—maybe, when I ask him if he loves me, he'll remember! +Maybe, he'll take me in. Lost him?" she asked. "How do you know that? +Go to you, Jim? Go to you, now—when he might take me in if I wait? I +can't! Don't you understand? When the time comes, he might ask +me—where you was." +</P> + +<P> +"You're crazy, Millie," the man protested. "You're just plain crazy." +</P> + +<P> +"Crazy? Maybe, I am. To love and hope! Crazy? Maybe, I am. But, +Jim, mothers is all that way." +</P> + +<P> +"All that way?" he asked, regarding her with a speculative eye. +</P> + +<P> +"Mothers," she repeated, "is all that way." +</P> + +<P> +"Well," said he, swiftly advancing, "lovers isn't." +</P> + +<P> +"Keep back!" she cried. +</P> + +<P> +"No, I won't." +</P> + +<P> +"You'll make a cat of me. I warn you, Jim!" +</P> + +<P> +"You can't keep me off. You said you loved me. You do love me. You +can't help yourself. You got to marry me." +</P> + +<P> +She retreated. "Leave me alone!" she screamed. "I can't. Don't you +see how it is? Quit that, now, Jim! You ain't fair. Take your arms +away. God help me! I love you, you great big brute! You know I do. +You ain't fair.... Stop! You hurt me." She was now in his arms—but +still resisting. "Leave me alone," she whimpered. "You hurt me. You +ain't fair. You know I love you—and you ain't fair.... Oh, God +forgive me! Don't do that again, Jim. Stop! Let me go. For God's +sake, stop kissing me! I like you, Jim. I ain't denying that. But +let me go.... Please, Jim! Don't hold me so tight. It ain't fair.... +Oh, it ain't fair...." +</P> + +<P> +She sank against his broad breast; and there she lay helpless—bitterly +sobbing. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't cry, Millie!" he whispered. +</P> + +<P> +Still she sobbed. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, don't cry, girl!" he repeated, tenderly. "It's all right. I +won't hurt you. You love me, and I love you. That's all right, +Millie. What's the matter with you, girl? Lift your face, won't you?" +</P> + +<P> +"No, no!" +</P> + +<P> +"Why not, Millie?" +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know," she whispered. "I think I'm—ashamed." +</P> + +<P> +There was no longer need to hold her fast. His arms relaxed. She did +not move from them. And while they stood thus, in the moonlight, +falling brightly through the window, he stroked her hair, murmuring, +the while, all the reassuring words at his command. +</P> + +<P> +"The boy's gone," he said, at last. "You'd be all alone without me. +He ain't here. But he's well looked after, Millie. Don't you fret +about him. By this time he's sound asleep." +</P> + +<P> +She slipped from his embrace. He made no effort to detain her: +conceiving her secure in his possession. A moment she stood staring at +the floor, lost to her surroundings: then quickly turned to look upon +him—her face aglow with some high tenderness. +</P> + +<P> +"Asleep?" she asked, her voice low, tremulous. +</P> + +<P> +"Sound asleep." +</P> + +<P> +"How do you know that he's asleep?" she pursued. "Asleep? No; he +ain't asleep." She paused—now woebegone. "He's wide awake—waiting," +she went on. "He's waiting—just like he used to do—for me to come +in.... He's awake. Oh, sore little heart! He's lying alone in the +dark—waiting. And his mother will not come.... Last night, Jim, when +I come in, he was there in the bed, awake and waiting. 'Oh, mother,' +says he, 'I'm glad you're come at last. I been waiting so long. It's +lonesome here in the dark without you. And to-morrow I'll wake, and +wait, and wait; but you will not come!' He's awake, Jim. Don't you +tell me no different. The pillow's wet with his tears.... Lonely +child—waiting for me! Oh, little heart of my baby! Oh, sore little +heart!" +</P> + +<P> +"Millie!" +</P> + +<P> +"It ain't no use no more, Jim. You better go home. I'm all alone. My +child's not here. But—he's somewhere. And it's him I love." +</P> + +<P> +The man sighed and went away.... +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +Left alone, she put the little room in order and made the bed, blinded +by tears, her steps uncertain: muttering incoherently of her child, +whimpering broken snatches of lullaby songs. When there was no more +work left for her hands to do, she staggered to the bureau, and from +the lower drawer took a great, flaunting doll, which she had there +kept, poor soul! against the time when her arms would be empty, her +bosom aching for a familiar weight upon it. And for a time she sat +rocking the cold counterfeit, crooning, faintly singing, caressing it; +but she had known the warmth, the sweet restlessness, the soft, +yielding form of the living child, and could not be content. +Presently, in a surge of disgust, she flung the substitute violently +from her. +</P> + +<P> +"It ain't no baby," she moaned, putting her hands to her face. "It's +only a doll!" +</P> + +<P> +She sank limp to the floor. There she lay prone—the moonlight falling +softly upon her, but healing her not at all. +</P> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="img-122"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-122.jpg" ALT="Tailpiece to _In the Current_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="246" HEIGHT="160"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap09"></A> + +<A NAME="img-123"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-123.jpg" ALT="Headpiece to _The Chorister_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="231" HEIGHT="158"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +<I>THE CHORISTER</I> +</H3> + +<P> +The Rev. John Fithian lived alone with a man-servant in a +wide-windowed, sombre, red old house, elbowed by tenements, near the +Church of the Lifted Cross—once a fashionable quarter: now mean, +dejected, incongruously thronged, and fast losing the last appearances +of respectability. Sombre without—half-lit, silent, vast within: the +whole intolerant of frivolity, inharmony, garishness, ugliness, but yet +quite free of gloom and ghostly suggestion. The boy tiptoed over the +thick carpets, spoke in whispers, eyed the shadowy corners—sensitive +to impressions, forever alert: nevertheless possessing a fine feeling +of security and hopefulness; still wistful, often weeping in the night, +but not melancholy. Responsive to environment, by nature harmonious +with his new surroundings, he presently moved through the lofty old +rooms with a manner reflecting their own—the same gravity, serenity, +old-fashioned grace: expressing even their stateliness in a quaint and +childish way. Thus was the soil of his heart prepared for the seed of +a great change. +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +By and by the curate enlightened the child concerning sin and the +Vicarious Sacrifice. This was when the leaves were falling from the +trees in the park—a drear, dark night: the wind sweeping the streets +in violent gusts, the rain lashing the windowpanes. Night had come +unnoticed—swiftly, intensely: in the curate's study a change from gray +twilight to firelit shadows. The boy was squatted on the hearth-rug, +disquieted by the malicious beating at the window, glad to be in the +glow of the fire: his visions all of ragged men and women cowering from +the weather. +</P> + +<P> +"It is time, now," the curate sighed, "that I told you the story." +</P> + +<P> +"What story?" +</P> + +<P> +"The story of the Man who died for us." +</P> + +<P> +The boy turned—in wonderment. "I did not know," he said, quickly, +"that a man had died for us. What was his name? Why did he do it? My +mother never told me that story." +</P> + +<P> +"I think she does not know it." +</P> + +<P> +"Then I'll tell her when I learn." +</P> + +<P> +"Perhaps," said the curate, "she will like to hear it—from you." +</P> + +<P> +Very gently, then, in his deep, mellifluous voice—while the rain beat +upon the windows, crying out the sorrows of the poor—the curate +unfolded the poignant story: the terms simple, the recital clear, +vivid, complete.... And to the heart of this child the appeal was +immediate and irresistible. +</P> + +<P> +"And they who sin," the curate concluded, "crucify Him again." +</P> + +<P> +"I love that Jesus!" the boy sobbed. "I love Him—almost as much as +mother." +</P> + +<P> +"Almost?" +</P> + +<P> +The boy misunderstood. He felt reproved. He flushed—ashamed that the +new love had menaced the old. "No," he answered; "but I love Him very +much." +</P> + +<P> +"Not as much?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I could not!" +</P> + +<P> +The boy was never afterwards the same. All that was inharmonious in +life—the pain and poverty and unloveliness—became as sin: a +continuous crucifixion, hateful, wringing the heart.... +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +Late in the night, when he lay sleepless, sick for his mother's +presence, her voice, her kisses, her soothing touch, the boy would rise +to sit at the window—there to watch shadowy figures flit through the +street-lamp's circle of light. Once he fancied that his mother came +thus out of the night, that for a moment she paused with upturned +glance, then disappeared in woe and haste: returning, halted again; but +came no more.... +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +At rare intervals the boy's mother came to the curate's door. She +would not enter: but timidly waited for her son, and then went with him +to the park, relieved to be away from the wide, still house, her +spirits and self-confidence reviving with every step. One mellow +evening, while they sat together in the dusk, an ill-clad man, gray and +unkempt, shuffled near. +</P> + +<P> +"Mother," the boy whispered, gripping her hand, "he is looking at us." +</P> + +<P> +She laughed. "Let him look!" said she. "It don't matter." +</P> + +<P> +The man staggered to the bench—heavily sat down: limp and shameless, +his head hanging. +</P> + +<P> +"Let us go away!" the boy pleaded. +</P> + +<P> +"Why, darling?" his mother asked, puzzled. "What's the matter with +you, anyhow?" She looked at him—realizing some subtle change in him, +bewildered by it: searching eagerly for the nature and cause. "You +didn't used to be like that," she said. +</P> + +<P> +"I don't like him. He's wicked. He frightens me." +</P> + +<P> +The man slipped suddenly from the bench—sprawling upon the walk. The +woman laughed. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't laugh!" the boy exclaimed—a cry of reproach, not free of +indignation. "Oh, mother," he complained, putting her hand to his +cheek, "how could you!" +</P> + +<P> +She did not answer. The derelict picked himself up, whining in a +maudlin way. +</P> + +<P> +"How could you!" the boy repeated. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh," said she, lightly, "he's all right. He won't hurt us." +</P> + +<P> +"He's wicked!" +</P> + +<P> +"He's drunk. It don't matter. What's come over you, dear?" +</P> + +<P> +"I'm afraid," said the boy. "He's sinful." +</P> + +<P> +"He's only drunk, poor man!" +</P> + +<P> +High over the houses beyond, the steeple of the Church of the Lifted +Cross pierced the blue-black sky. It was tipped with a blazing +cross—a great cross, flaming in the night: a symbol of sacrifice, a +hope, a protest, raised above the feverish world. To this the boy +looked. It transported him far from the woman whose hand he clutched. +</P> + +<P> +"They who sin," he muttered, his eyes still turned to the lifted cross, +"crucify the dear Lord again!" +</P> + +<P> +His mother was both mystified and appalled. She followed his +glance—but saw only the familiar landmark: an illuminated cross, +topping a steeple. +</P> + +<P> +"For God's sake, Richard!" she demanded, "what you talking about?" +</P> + +<P> +He did not hear. +</P> + +<P> +"You ain't sick, are you?" she continued. +</P> + +<P> +He shook his head. +</P> + +<P> +"What's the matter with you?" she implored. "Oh, tell your mother!" +</P> + +<P> +He loosened his hand from her clasp, withdrew it: but instantly caught +her hand again, and kissed it passionately. So much concerned was she +for his physical health that the momentary shrinking escaped her. +</P> + +<P> +"You're sick," she said. "I know you are. You're singing too much in +the church." +</P> + +<P> +"No." +</P> + +<P> +"Then you're eating too much lemon pie," she declared, anxiously. +"You're too fond of that. It upsets your stomach. Oh, Richard! +Shame, dear! I told you not to." +</P> + +<P> +"You told me not to eat <I>much</I>," he said. "So I don't eat any—to make +sure." +</P> + +<P> +She was aware of the significance of this sacrifice—and kissed him +quickly in fond approval. Then she turned up his coat-sleeve. "The +fool!" she cried. "You got cold. That's what's the matter with you. +Here it is November! And he ain't put your flannels on. That there +curate," she concluded, in disgust, "don't know nothing about raising a +boy." +</P> + +<P> +"I'm quite well, mother." +</P> + +<P> +"Then what's the matter with you?" +</P> + +<P> +"I'm sad!" he whispered. +</P> + +<P> +She caught him to her breast—blindly misconceiving the meaning of +this: in her ignorance concluding that he longed for her, and was sick +because of that.... And while she held him close, the clock of the +Church of the Lifted Cross chimed seven. In haste she put him down, +kissed him, set him on his homeward way; and she watched him until he +was lost in the dusk and distance of the park. Then, concerned, +bewildered, she made haste to that quarter of the city—that swarming, +flaring, blatant place—where lay her occupation for the night. +</P> + +<P> +Near Christmas, in a burst of snowy weather, the boy sang his first +solo at the Church of the Lifted Cross: this at evening. His mother, +conspicuously gowned, somewhat overcome by the fashion of the place, +which she had striven to imitate—momentarily chagrined by her +inexplicable failure to be in harmony—seated herself obscurely, where +she had but an infrequent glimpse of his white robe, wistful face, +dark, curling hair. She had never loved him more proudly—never before +realized that his value extended beyond the region of her arms: never +before known that the babe, the child, the growing boy, mothered by +her, nursed at her breast, her possession, was a gift to the world, +sweet and inspiring. "Angels, ever bright and fair!" She felt the +thrill of his tender voice; perceived the impression: the buzz, the +subsiding confusion, the spell-bound stillness. "Take, oh, take me to +your care!" It was in her heart to strike her breasts—to cry out that +this was her son, born of her; her bosom his place.... +</P> + +<P> +When the departing throng had thinned in the aisle, she stepped from +the pew, and stood waiting. There passed, then, a lady in rich +attire—sweet-faced, of exquisite manner. A bluff, ruddy young man +attended her. +</P> + +<P> +"Did you like the music?" he asked—a conventional question: everywhere +repeated. +</P> + +<P> +"Perfectly lovely!" she replied. "A wonderful voice! And such a +pretty child!" +</P> + +<P> +"I wonder," said he, "who the boy can be?" +</P> + +<P> +Acting upon ingenuous impulse, the boy's mother overtook the man, +timidly touched his elbow, looked into his eyes, her own bright with +proud love. +</P> + +<P> +"He is my son," she said. +</P> + +<P> +The lady turned in amazement. In a brief, appraising glance, she +comprehended the whole woman; the outré gown, the pencilled eyebrows, +the rouged cheeks, the bleached hair. She took the man's arm. +</P> + +<P> +"Come!" she said. +</P> + +<P> +The man yielded. He bowed—smiled in an embarrassed way, flushing to +his sandy hair: turned his back. +</P> + +<P> +"How strange!" the lady whispered. +</P> + +<P> +The woman was left alone in the aisle—not chagrined by the rebuff, +being used to this attitude, sensitive no longer: but now knowing, for +the first time, that the world into which her child had gone would not +accept her.... The church was empty. The organ had ceased. One by +one the twinkling lights were going out. The boy came bounding down +the aisle. With a glad little cry he leaped into her waiting arms.... +</P> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="img-137"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-137.jpg" ALT="Tailpiece to _The Chorister_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="244" HEIGHT="140"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap10"></A> + +<A NAME="img-138"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-138.jpg" ALT="Headpiece to _Alienation_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="227" HEIGHT="154"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +<I>ALIENATION</I> +</H3> + +<P> +This night, after a week of impatient expectation, they were by the +curate's permission to spend together in the Box Street tenement. It +was the boy's first return to the little room overlooking the river. +Thither they hurried through the driving snow, leaning to the blasts, +unconscious of the bitterness of the night: the twain in high +spirits—the boy chattering, merrily, incoherently, as he trotted at +his silent mother's side. Very happy, now, indeed, they raced up the +stair, rioting up flight after flight, to top floor rear, where there +was a cheery fire, a kettle bubbling on the stove, a lamp turned low—a +feeling of warmth and repose and welcome, which the broad window, +noisily shaken by a hearty winter wind from the sea, pleasantly +accentuated. +</P> + +<P> +The gladness of this return, the sudden, overwhelming realization of a +longing that had been agonizing in its intensity, excited the boy +beyond bounds. He gave an indubitable whoop of joy, which so startled +and amazed the woman that she stared open-mouthed; tossed his cap in +the air, flung his overcoat and gloves on the floor, peeped through the +black window-panes, pried into the cupboard, hugged his mother so +rapturously, so embarrassingly, that he tumbled her over and was +himself involved in the hilarious collapse: whereupon, as a measure of +protection while she laid the table, she despatched him across the hall +to greet Mr. Poddle, who was ill abed, anxiously awaiting him. +</P> + +<P> +The Dog-faced Man was all prinked for the occasion—his hirsute +adornment neatly brushed and braided, smoothly parted from crown over +brow and nose to chin: so that, though, to be sure, his appearance +instantly suggested a porcupine, his sensitive lips and mild gray eyes +were for once allowed to impress the beholder. The air of Hockley's +Musee had at last laid him by the heels. No longer, by any license of +metaphor, could his lungs be said to be merely restless. He was flat +on his back—white, wan, gasping: sweat dampening the hair on his brow. +But he bravely chirked up when the child entered, subdued and pitiful; +and though, in response to a glance of pain and concern, his eyes +overran with the weak tears of the sick, he smiled like a man to whom +Nature had not been cruel, while he pressed the small hand so swiftly +extended. +</P> + +<P> +"I'm sick, Richard," he whispered. "'Death No Respecter of Persons.' +Git me? 'High and Low Took By the Grim Reaper.' I'm awful sick." +</P> + +<P> +The boy, now seated on the bed, still holding the ghastly hand, hoped +that Mr. Poddle would soon be well. +</P> + +<P> +"No," said the Dog-faced Man. "I won't. 'Climax of a Notable Career.' +Git me? It wouldn't—be proper." +</P> + +<P> +Not proper? +</P> + +<P> +"No, Richard. It really wouldn't be proper. 'Dignified in Death.' +Understand? Distinguished men has their limits. 'Outlived His Fame.' +I really couldn't stand it. Git me?" +</P> + +<P> +"Not—quite." +</P> + +<P> +"Guess I'll have to tell you. Look!" The Dog-faced Man held up his +hand—but swiftly replaced it between the child's warm, sympathetic +palms. "No rings. Understand? 'Pawned the Family Jewells.' Git me? +'Reduced to Poverty.' Where's my frock coat? Where's my silk hat? +'Wardrobe of a Celebrity Sold For A Song.' Where's them two pair of +trousers? 'A Tragic Disappearance.' All up the spout. Everything +gone. 'Not a Stitch to His Name.' Really, Richard, it wouldn't be +proper to get well. A natural phenomenon of my standing +couldn't—simply <I>couldn't</I>, Richard—go back to the profession with a +wardrobe consistin' of two pink night-shirts, both the worse for wear. +It wouldn't <I>do</I>! On the Stage In Scant Attire.' I couldn't stand it. +'Fell From His High Estate.' It would break my heart." +</P> + +<P> +No word of comfort occurred to the boy. +</P> + +<P> +"So," sighed the Dog-faced Man, "I guess I better die. And the +quicker the better." +</P> + +<P> +To change the distressful drift of the conversation, the boy inquired +concerning the Mexican Sword Swallower. +</P> + +<P> +"Hush!" implored Mr. Poddle, in a way so poignant that the boy wished +he had been more discreet. "Them massive proportions! Them socks! +'Her Fate a Tattooed Man,'" he pursued, in gentle melancholy. "Don't +ask me! 'Nearing the Fateful Hour.' Poor child!' Wedded To A +Artificial Freak.'" +</P> + +<P> +"Is she married?" +</P> + +<P> +"No—not yet," Mr. Poddle explained. "But when the dragon's tail is +finished, accordin' to undenigeable report, the deed will be did. +'Shackled For Life.' Oh, my God! He's borrowed the money to pay the +last installment; and I'm informed that only the scales has to be +picked out with red. But why should I mourn?" he asked. "'Adored From +Afar.' Understand? That's what I got to do. 'His Love a Tragedy.' +Oh, Richard," Mr. Poddle concluded, in genuine distress, "that's me! +It couldn't be nothing else. Natural phenomens is natural phenomens. +'Paid the Penalty of Genius.' That's me!" +</P> + +<P> +The boy's mother called to him. +</P> + +<P> +"Richard," said Mr. Poddle, abruptly, "I'm awful sick. I can't last +much longer. Git me? I'm dyin'. And I'm poor. I ain't got a cent. +I'm forgot by the public. I'm all alone in the world. Nobody owes me +no kindness." He clutched the boy's hand. "Know who pays my rent? +Know who feeds me? Know who brings the doctor when I vomit blood? +Know who sits with me in the night—when I can't sleep? Know who +watches over me? Who comforts me? Who holds my hand when I git afraid +to die? Know who that is, Richard?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," the boy whispered. +</P> + +<P> +"Who is it?" +</P> + +<P> +"My mother!" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes—your mother," said the Dog-faced Man. He lifted himself on the +pillow. "Richard," he continued, "listen to me! I'll be dead, soon, +and then I can't talk to you no more. I can't say no word to you from +the grave—when the time she dreads has come. Listen to me!" His +voice rose. He was breathing in gasps. There was a light in his eyes. +"It is your mother. There ain't a better woman in all the world. +Listen to me! Don't you forget her. She loves you. You're all she's +got. Her poor heart is hungry for you. Don't you forget her. There +ain't a better woman nowhere. There ain't a woman more fit for heaven. +Don't you go back on her! Don't you let no black-and-white curick +teach you no different!" +</P> + +<P> +"I'll not forget!" said the boy. +</P> + +<P> +Mr. Poddle laid a hand on his head. "God bless you, Richard!" said he. +</P> + +<P> +The boy kissed him, unafraid of his monstrous countenance—and then +fled to his mother.... +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +For a long time the Dog-faced Man lay alone, listening to the voices +across the hall: himself smiling to know that the woman had her son +again; not selfishly reluctant to be thus abandoned. The door was +ajar. Joyous sounds drifted in—chatter, soft laughter, the rattle of +dishes.... Presently, silence: broken by the creaking of the +rocking-chair, and by low singing.... By and by, voices, speaking +gravely—in intimate converse: this for a long, long time, while the +muttering of the tenement ceased, and quiet fell.... A plea and an +imploring protest. She was wanting him to go to bed. There followed +the familiar indications that the child was being disrobed: shoes +striking the floor, yawns, sleepy talk, crooning encouragement.... +Then a strange silence—puzzling to the listener: not accountable by +his recollection of similar occasions. +</P> + +<P> +There was a quick step in the hall. +</P> + +<P> +"Poddle!" +</P> + +<P> +The Dog-faced Man started. There was alarm in the voice—despair, +resentment. On the threshold stood the woman—distraught: one hand +against the door-post, the other on her heart. +</P> + +<P> +"Poddle, he's——" +</P> + +<P> +Mr. Poddle, thrown into a paroxysm of fright by the pause, struggled to +his elbow, but fell back, gasping. +</P> + +<P> +"What's he doin'?" he managed to whisper. +</P> + +<P> +"Prayin'!" she answered, hoarsely. +</P> + +<P> +Mr. Poddle was utterly nonplussed. The situation was unprecedented: +not to be dealt with on the basis of past experience. +</P> + +<P> +"'Religion In Haste,'" he sighed, sadly confounded. "'Repent At +Leisure.'" +</P> + +<P> +"Prayin'!" she repeated, entering on tiptoe. "He's down on his +knees—<I>prayin'</I>!" She began to pace the floor—wringing her hands: a +tragic figure. "It's come, Poddle!" she whimpered, beginning now to +bite at her fingernails. "He's changed. He never seen me pray. <I>I</I> +never told him how. Oh, he's—different. And he'll change more. I +got to face it. He'll soon be like the people that—that—don't +understand us. I couldn't stand it to see that stare in his eyes. +It'll kill me, Poddle! I knew it would come," she continued, +uninterrupted, Mr. Poddle being unable to come to her assistance for +lack of breath. "But I didn't think it would be so—awful soon. And I +didn't know how much it would hurt. I didn't <I>think</I> about it. I +didn't dare. Oh, my baby!" she sobbed. "You'll not love your mother +any more—when you find her out. You'll be just like—all them +people!" She came to a full stop. "Poddle," she declared, trembling, +her voice rising harshly, "I got to do something. I got to do +it—<I>quick</I>! What shall I do? Oh, what shall I do?" +</P> + +<P> +Mr. Poddle drew a long breath. "Likewise!" he gasped. +</P> + +<P> +She did not understand. +</P> + +<P> +"Likewise!" Mr. Poddle repeated. "'Fought the Devil With Fire.' +Quick!" He weakly beckoned her to be off. "Don't—let him +know—you're different. Go and—pray yourself. Don't—let on +you—never done it—before." +</P> + +<P> +She gave him a glad glance of comprehension—and disappeared... +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +The boy had risen. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh!" she exclaimed, brightly. "You got through, didn't you, dear?" +</P> + +<P> +He was now sitting on the edge of the bed, his legs dangling—still +reluctant to crawl within. And he was very gravely regarding her, a +cloud of anxious wonder in his eyes. +</P> + +<P> +"Who taught you to," she hesitated, "do it—that way?" she pursued, +making believe to be but lightly interested. "The curate? Oh, my!" +she exclaimed, immediately changing the thought. "Your mother's awful +sleepy." She counterfeited a yawn. "I never kneel to—do it," she +continued. In a sharp glance she saw the wonder clearing from his +eyes, the beginnings of a smile appear about his lips; and she was +emboldened to proceed. "Some kneels," she said, "and some doesn't. +The curate, I suppose, kneels. That's his way. Now, <I>I</I> don't. I was +brought up—the other way. I wait till I get in bed to—say mine. +When you was a baby," she rattled, "I used to—keep it up—for hours at +a time. I just <I>love</I> to—do it. In bed, you know. I guess you never +seen me kneel, did you? But I think I will, after this, because +you—do it—that way." +</P> + +<P> +His serenity was quite restored. Glad to learn that his mother knew +the solace of prayer, he rolled back on the pillows. She tucked him in. +</P> + +<P> +"Now, watch me," she said. +</P> + +<P> +"And I," said he, "will pray all over again. In bed," he added; +"because that's the way <I>you</I> do it." +</P> + +<P> +She knelt. "In God's name!" she thought, as she inclined her bead, +"what can I do? I've lost him. Oh, I've lost him.... What'll I do +when he finds out? He'll not love me then. Love me!" she thought, +bitterly. "He'll look at me like them people in the church. I can't +stand it! I got to <I>do</I> something.... It won't be long. They'll tell +him—some one. And I can't do nothing to help it! But I <I>got</I> to do +something.... My God! I got to do something. I'll dress better than +this. This foulard's a botch." New fashions in dress, in coiffures, +multiplied in her mind. She was groping, according to her poor +enlightenment. "The pompadour!" she mused, inspired, according to the +inspiration of her kind. "It might suit my style. I'll try it.... +But, oh, it won't do no good," she thought, despairing. "<I>It</I> won't do +no good.... I've lost him! Good God! I've lost my own child...." +</P> + +<P> +She rose. +</P> + +<P> +"It took you an awful long time," said the boy. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," she answered, absently. "I'm the real thing. When I pray, I +pray good and hard." +</P> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="img-154"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-154.jpg" ALT="Tailpiece to _Alienation_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="223" HEIGHT="71"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap11"></A> + +<A NAME="img-155"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-155.jpg" ALT="Headpiece to _A Child's Prayer_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="227" HEIGHT="158"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +<I>A CHILD'S PRAYER</I> +</H3> + +<P> +The boy's room was furnished in the manner of the curate's +chamber—which, indeed, was severe and chaste enough: for the curate +practiced certain monkish austerities not common to the clergy of this +day. It was a white, bare little room, at the top of the house, +overlooking the street: a still place, into which, at bedtime, no +distraction entered to break the nervous introspection, the high, +wistful dreaming, sadly habitual to the child when left alone in the +dark. But always, of fine mornings, the sun came joyously to waken +him; and often, in the night, when he lay wakeful, the moon peeped in +upon the exquisite simplicity, and, discovering a lonely child, +companionably lingered to hearten him. The beam fell over the +window-sill, crawled across the floor, climbed the bare wall. +</P> + +<P> +There was a great white crucifix on the wall, hanging in the broad path +of the moonlight. It stared at the boy's pillow, tenderly appealing: +the head thorn-crowned, the body drawn tense, the face uplifted in +patient agony. Sometimes it made the boy cry. +</P> + +<P> +"They who sin," he would repeat, "crucify the dear Lord again!" +</P> + +<P> +It would be very hard, then, to fall asleep.... +</P> + +<P> +So did the crucifix on the wall work within the child's heart—so did +the shadows of the wide, still house impress him, so did the curate's +voice and gentle teaching, so did the gloom, the stained windows, the +lofty arches, the lights and low, sweet music of the Church of the +Lifted Cross favour the subtle change—that he was now moved to pain +and sickening disgust by rags and pinched faces and discord and dirt +and feverish haste and all manner of harshness and unloveliness, +conceiving them poignant as sin.... +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +Mother and son were in the park. It was evening—dusk: a grateful balm +abroad in the air. Men and women, returning from church, idled through +the spring night. +</P> + +<P> +"But, dear," said his mother, while she patted his hand, "you mustn't +<I>hate</I> the wicked!" +</P> + +<P> +He looked up in wonder. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, my! no," she pursued. "Poor things! They're not so bad—when you +know them. Some is real kind." +</P> + +<P> +"I could not <I>love</I> them!" +</P> + +<P> +"Why not?" +</P> + +<P> +"I <I>could</I> not!" +</P> + +<P> +So positive, this—the suggestion so scouted—that she took thought for +her own fate. +</P> + +<P> +"Would you love me?" she asked. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, mother!" he laughed. +</P> + +<P> +"What would you do," she gravely continued, "if I was—a wicked woman?" +</P> + +<P> +He laughed again. +</P> + +<P> +"What would you do," she insisted, "if somebody told you I was bad?" +</P> + +<P> +"Mother," he answered, not yet affected by her earnestness, "you could +not be!" +</P> + +<P> +She put her hands on his shoulders. "What would you do?" she repeated. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't!" he pleaded, disquieted. +</P> + +<P> +Again the question—low, intense, demanding answer. He trembled. She +was not in play. A sinful woman? For a moment he conceived the +possibility—vaguely: in a mere flash of feeling. +</P> + +<P> +"What would you do?" +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know!" +</P> + +<P> +She sighed. +</P> + +<P> +"I think," he whispered, "that I'd—die!" +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +That night, when the moonlight had climbed to the crucifix on the wall, +the boy got out of bed. For a long time he stood in the beam of soft +light—staring at the tortured Figure. +</P> + +<P> +"I think I'd better do it!" he determined. +</P> + +<P> +He knelt—lifted his clasped hands—began his childish appeal. +</P> + +<P> +"Dear Jesus," he prayed, "my mother says that I must not hate the +wicked. You heard her, didn't you, dear Jesus? It was in the park, +to-night, after church—at the bench near the lilac bush. You <I>must</I> +have heard her.... Mother says the wicked are kind, and not so bad. I +would like very much to love them. She says they're nice—when you +know them. I know she's right, of course. But it seems queer. And +she says I <I>ought</I> to love them. So I want to do it, if you don't +mind.... Maybe, if you would let me be a little wicked for a little +while, I could do it. Don't you think, Jesus, dear, that it is a good +idea? A little wicked—for just a little while. I wouldn't care very +much, if you didn't mind. But if it hurts you very much, I don't want +to, if you please.... But I would like to be a little wicked. If I +do, please don't forget me. I would not like to be wicked long. Just +a little while. Then I would be good again—and love the wicked, as my +mother wants me to do. Good-bye. I mean—Amen!" +</P> + +<P> +The child knew nothing about sin. +</P> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="img-161"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-161.jpg" ALT="Tailpiece to _A Child's Prayer_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="246" HEIGHT="139"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap12"></A> + +<A NAME="img-162"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-162.jpg" ALT="Headpiece to _Mr. Poddle's Finale_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="231" HEIGHT="158"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +<I>MR. PODDLE'S FINALE</I> +</H3> + +<P> +Of a yellow, balmy morning, with a languid breeze stirring the curtains +in the open windows of the street, a hansom cab, drawn by a lean gray +beast, appeared near the curate's door. What with his wild career, the +nature of his errand, the extraordinary character of his fare, the +driver was all elbows and eyes—a perspiring, gesticulating figure, +swaying widely on the high perch. +</P> + +<P> +Within was a lady so monstrously stout that she completely filled the +vehicle. Rolls of fat were tucked into every nook, jammed into every +corner, calked into every crevice; and, at last, demanding place, they +scandalously overflowed the apron. So tight was the fit—so crushed +and confined the lady's immensity—that, being quite unable to +articulate or stir, but desiring most heartily to do both, she could do +little but wheeze, and faintly wave a gigantic hand. +</P> + +<P> +Proceeding thus—while the passenger gasped, and the driver +gesticulated, and the hansom creaked and tottered, and the outraged +horse bent to the fearful labour—the equipage presently arrived at the +curate's door, and was there drawn up with a jerk. +</P> + +<P> +The Fat Lady was released, assisted to alight, helped across the +pavement; and having waddled up three steps of the flight, and being +unable without a respite to lift her massive foot for the fourth time, +she loudly demanded of the impassive door the instant appearance of +Dickie Slade: whereupon, the door flew open, and the boy bounded out. +</P> + +<P> +"Madame Lacara!" he cried. +</P> + +<P> +"Quick, child!" the Fat Lady wheezed. "Git your hat. Your mother +can't stay no longer—and I can't get up the stairs—and Poddle's +dyin'—and <I>git your hat</I>!" +</P> + +<P> +In a moment the boy returned. The Fat Lady was standing beside the +cab—the exhausted horse contemplating her with no friendly eye. +</P> + +<P> +"Git in!" said she. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't you do it," the driver warned. +</P> + +<P> +"Git in!" the Fat Lady repeated. +</P> + +<P> +"Not if he knows what's good for him," said the driver. "Not first." +</P> + +<P> +The boy hesitated. +</P> + +<P> +"Git in, child!" screamed the Fat Lady. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't you do it," said the driver. +</P> + +<P> +"Child," the Fat Lady gasped, exasperated, "git in!" +</P> + +<P> +"Not first," the driver repeated. "There ain't room for both; and once +she lets her weight down——" +</P> + +<P> +"Maybe," the Fat Lady admitted, after giving the matter most careful +consideration, "it would be better for you to set on me." +</P> + +<P> +"Maybe," the boy agreed, much relieved, "it would." +</P> + +<P> +So Madame Lacara entered, and took the boy in her arms; and off, at +last, they went towards the Box Street tenement, swaying, creaking, +wheezing, with a troop of joyous urchins in the wake.... +</P> + +<P> +It was early afternoon—with the sunlight lying thick and warm on the +window-ledge of Mr. Poddle's room, about to enter, to distribute cheer, +to speak its unfailing promises. The sash was lifted high; a gentle +wind, clean and blue, blowing from the sea, over the roofs and the +river, came sportively in, with a joyous little rush and swirl—but of +a sudden failed: hushed, as though by unexpected encounter with the +solemnity within. +</P> + +<P> +The boy's mother was gone. It was of a Saturday; she had not dared to +linger. When the boy entered, Mr. Poddle lay alone, lifted on the +pillows, staring deep into the wide, shining sky: composed and +dreamful. The distress of his deformity, as the pains of dissolution, +had been mitigated by the woman's kind and knowing hand: the tawny +hair, by nature rank and shaggy, by habit unkempt, now damp with sweat, +was everywhere laid smooth upon his face—brushed away from the eyes: +no longer permitted to obscure the fast failing sight. +</P> + +<P> +Beside him, close—drawing closer—the boy seated himself. Very low +and broken—husky, halting—was the Dog-faced Man's voice. The boy +must often bend his ear to understand. +</P> + +<P> +"The hirsute," Mr. Poddle whispered, "adornment. All ready for the +last appearance. 'Natural Phenomonen Meets the Common Fate.' +Celebrities," he added, with a little smile, "is just clay." +</P> + +<P> +The boy took his hand. +</P> + +<P> +"She done it," Mr. Poddle explained, faintly indicating the unusual +condition of his deforming hair, "with a little brush." +</P> + +<P> +"She?" the boy asked, with significant emphasis. +</P> + +<P> +"No," Mr. Poddle sighed. "Hush! Not She—just her." +</P> + +<P> +By this the boy knew that the Mexican Sword Swallower had not +relented—but that his mother had been kind. +</P> + +<P> +"She left that there little brush somewheres," Mr. Poddle continued, +with an effort to lift his head, but failing to do more than roll his +glazed eyes. "There was a little handkerchief with it. Can't you find +'em, Richard? I wish you could. They make me—more comfortable. Oh, +I'm glad you got 'em! I feel easier—this way. She said you'd stay +with me—to the last. She said, Richard, that maybe you'd keep the +hair away from my eyes, and the sweat from rollin' in. For I'm easier +that way; and I want to <I>see</I>," he moaned, "to the last!" +</P> + +<P> +The boy pressed his hand. +</P> + +<P> +"I'm tired of the hair," Mr. Poddle sighed. "I used to be proud of it; +but I'm tired of it—now. It's been admired, Richard; it's been +applauded. Locks of it has been requested by the Fair; and the Strong +has wished they was me. But, Richard, celebrities sits on a lonely +eminence. And I <I>been</I> lonely, God knows! though I kept a smilin' +face.... I'm tired of the hair—tired of fame. It all looks +different—when you git sight of the Common Leveller. 'Tired of His +Talent.' Since I been lyin' here, Richard, sick and alone, I been +thinkin' that talent wasn't nothin' much after all. I been wishin', +Richard—wishin'!" +</P> + +<P> +The Dog-faced Man paused for breath. +</P> + +<P> +"I been wishin'," he gasped, "that I wasn't a phenomonen—but only a +man!" +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +The sunlight began to creep towards Mr. Poddle's bed—a broad, yellow +beam, stretching into the blue spaces without: lying like a golden +pathway before him. +</P> + +<P> +"Richard," said Mr. Poddle, "I'm goin' to die." +</P> + +<P> +The boy began to cry. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't cry!" Mr. Poddle pleaded. "I ain't afraid. Hear me, Richard? +I ain't afraid." +</P> + +<P> +"No, no!" +</P> + +<P> +"I'm glad to die. 'Death the Dog-faced Man's Best Friend.' I'm glad! +Lyin' here, I seen the truth. It's only when a man looks back that he +finds out what he's missed—only when he looks back, from the end of +the path, that he sees the flowers he might have plucked by the way.... +Lyin' here, I been lookin' back—far back. And my eyes is opened. Now +I see—now I know! I have been travellin' a road where the flowers +grows thick. But God made me so I couldn't pick 'em. It's love, +Richard, that men wants. Just love! It's love their hearts is thirsty +for.... And there wasn't no love—for me. I been awful thirsty, +Richard; but there wasn't no water anywhere in all the world—for me. +'Spoiled In the Making.' That's me. 'God's Bad Break.' Oh, that's +me! I'm not a natural phenomonen no more. I'm only a freak of nature. +I ain't got no kick comin'. I stand by what God done. Maybe it wasn't +no mistake; maybe He wanted to show all the people in the world what +would happen if He was in the habit of gittin' careless. Anyhow, I +guess He's man enough to stand by the job He done. He made me what I +am—a freak. I ain't to blame. But, oh, my God! Richard, it +hurts—to be that!" +</P> + +<P> +The boy brushed the tears from the Dog-faced Man's eyes. +</P> + +<P> +"No," Mr. Poddle repeated. "I ain't afraid to die. For I been +thinkin'—since I been lyin' here, sick and alone—I been thinkin' that +us mistakes has a good deal——" +</P> + +<P> +The boy bent close. +</P> + +<P> +"Comin' to us!" +</P> + +<P> +The sunlight was climbing the bed-post. +</P> + +<P> +"I been lookin' back," Mr. Poddle repeated. "Things don't look the +same. You gits a bird's-eye view of life—from your deathbed. And it +looks—somehow—different." +</P> + +<P> +There was a little space of silence—while the Dog-faced Man drew long +breaths: while his wasted hand wandered restlessly over the coverlet. +</P> + +<P> +"You got the little brush, Richard?" he asked, his voice changing to a +tired sigh. "The adornment has got in the way again." +</P> + +<P> +The boy brushed back the fallen hair—wiped away the sweat. +</P> + +<P> +"Your mother," said Mr. Poddle, faintly smiling, "does it better. +She's used—to doing it. You ain't—done it—quite right—have you? +You ain't got—all them hairs—out of the way?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes." +</P> + +<P> +"Not all," Mr. Poddle gently persisted; "because I can't—see—very +well." +</P> + +<P> +While the boy humoured the fancy, Mr. Poddle lay musing—his hand still +straying over the coverlet: still feverishly searching. +</P> + +<P> +"I used to think, Richard," he whispered, "that it ought to be done—in +public." He paused—a flash of alarm in his eyes. "Do you hear me, +Richard?" he asked. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes." +</P> + +<P> +"Sure?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, yes!" +</P> + +<P> +Mr. Poddle frowned—puzzled, it may be, by the distant sound, the +muffled, failing rumble, of his own voice. +</P> + +<P> +"I used to think," he repeated, dismissing the problem, as beyond him, +"that I'd like to do it—in public." +</P> + +<P> +The boy waited. +</P> + +<P> +"Die," Mr. Poddle explained. +</P> + +<P> +A man went whistling gaily past the door. The merry air, the buoyant +step, were strangely not discordant; nor was the sunshine, falling over +the foot of the bed. +</P> + +<P> +"'Last Appearance of a Famous Freak!'" Mr. Poddle elucidated, his eyes +shining with delight—returning, all at once, to his old manner. "Git +me, Richard?" he continued, excitedly. "'Fitting Finale! Close of a +Curious Career! Mr. Henry Poddle, the eminent natural phenomonen, has +consented to depart this life on the stage of Hockley's Musee, on +Sunday next, in the presence of three physicians, a trained nurse, a +minister of the gospel and a undertaker. Unparalleled Entertainment! +The management has been at unprecedented expense to git this unique +feature. Death Defied! A Extraordinary Educational Exhibition! Note: +Mr. Poddle will do his best to oblige his admirers and the patrons of +the house by dissolving the mortal tie about the hour of ten o'clock; +but the management cannot guarantee that the exhibition will conclude +before midnight.'" Mr. Poddle made a wry face—with yet a glint of +humour about it. "'Positively,'" said he, "'the last appearance of +this eminent freak. No return engagement.'" +</P> + +<P> +Again the buoyant step in the hall, the gaily whistled air—departing: +leaving an expectant silence. +</P> + +<P> +"Do it," Mr. Poddle gasped, worn out, "in public. But since I been +lyin' here," he added, "lookin' back, I seen the error. The public, +Richard, has no feelin'. They'd laugh—if I groaned. I don't like the +public—no more. I don't want to die—in public. I want," he +concluded, his voice falling to a thin, exhausted whisper, "only your +mother—and you, Richard—and——" +</P> + +<P> +"Did you say—Her?" +</P> + +<P> +"The Lovely One!" +</P> + +<P> +"I'll bring her!" said the boy, impulsively. +</P> + +<P> +"No, no! She wouldn't come. I been—in communication—recent. And +she writ back. Oh, Richard, she writ back! My heart's broke!" +</P> + +<P> +The boy brushed the handkerchief over the Dog-faced Man's eyes. +</P> + +<P> +"'Are you muzzled,' says she, 'in dog days?'" +</P> + +<P> +"Don't mind her!" cried the boy. +</P> + +<P> +"In the eyes of the law, Richard," Mr. Poddle exclaimed, his eyes +flashing, "I ain't no dog!" +</P> + +<P> +The boy kissed his forehead—there was no other comfort to offer: and +the caress was sufficient. +</P> + +<P> +"I wish," Mr. Poddle sighed, "that I knew how God will look at +it—to-night!" +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +Mr. Poddle, exhausted by speech and emotion, closed his eyes. By and +by the boy stealthily withdrew his hand from the weakening clasp. Mr. +Poddle gave no sign of knowing it. The boy slipped away.... And +descending to the third floor of the tenement, he came to the room +where lived the Mexican Sword Swallower: whom he persuaded to return +with him to Mr. Poddle's bedside. +</P> + +<P> +They paused at the door. The woman drew back. +</P> + +<P> +"Aw, Dick," she simpered, "I hate to!" +</P> + +<P> +"Just this once!" the boy pleaded. +</P> + +<P> +"Just to say it!" +</P> + +<P> +The reply was a bashful giggle. +</P> + +<P> +"You don't have to <I>mean</I> it," the boy argued. "Just <I>say</I> it—that's +all!" +</P> + +<P> +They entered. Mr. Poddle was muttering the boy's name—in a vain +effort to lift his voice. His hands were both at the +coverlet—picking, searching: both restless in the advancing sunshine. +With a sob of self-reproach the boy ran quickly to the bedside, took +one of the wandering hands, pressed it to his lips. And Mr. Poddle +sighed, and lay quiet again. +</P> + +<P> +"Mr. Poddle," the boy whispered, "she's come at last." +</P> + +<P> +There was no response. +</P> + +<P> +"She's come!" the boy repeated. He gave the hand he held to the woman. +Then he put his lips close to the dying man's ear. "Don't you hear me? +She's come!" +</P> + +<P> +Mr. Poddle opened his eyes. "Her—massive—proportions!" he faltered. +</P> + +<P> +"Quick!" said the boy. +</P> + +<P> +"Poddle," the woman lied, "I love you!" +</P> + +<P> +Then came the Dog-faced Man's one brief flash of ecstasy—expressed in +a wondrous glance of joy and devotion: but a swiftly fading fire. +</P> + +<P> +"She loves me!" he muttered. +</P> + +<P> +"I do, Poddle!" the woman sobbed, willing, now, for the grotesque +deception. "Yes, I do!" +</P> + +<P> +"'Beauty,'" Mr. Poddle gasped, "'and the Beast!'" +</P> + +<P> +They listened intently. He said no more.... Soon the sunbeam +glorified the smiling face.... +</P> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="img-181"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-181.jpg" ALT="Tailpiece to _Mr. Poddle's Finale_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="245" HEIGHT="159"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap13"></A> + +<A NAME="img-182"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-182.jpg" ALT="Headpiece to _His Mother_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="229" HEIGHT="162"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +<I>HIS MOTHER</I> +</H3> + +<P> +While he waited for his mother to come—seeking relief from the +melancholy and deep mystification of this death—the boy went into the +street. The day was well disposed, the crowded world in an amiable +mood; he perceived no menace—felt no warning of catastrophe. He +wandered far, unobservant, forgetful: the real world out of mind. And +it chanced that he lost his way; and he came, at last, to that loud, +seething place, thronged with unquiet faces, where, even in the +sunshine, sin and poverty walked abroad, unashamed.... Rush, crash, +joyless laughter, swollen flesh, red eyes, shouting, rags, disease: +flung into the midst of it—transported from the sweet feeling and +quiet gloom of the Church of the Lifted Gross—he was confused and +frightened.... +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +A hand fell heartily on the boy's shoulder. "Hello, there!" cried a +big voice. "Ain't you Millie Blade's kid?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, sir," the boy gasped. +</P> + +<P> +It was a big man—a broad-shouldered, lusty fellow, muscular and lithe: +good-humoured and dull of face, winning of voice and manner. +Countenance and voice were vaguely familiar to the boy. He felt no +alarm. +</P> + +<P> +"What the devil you doing here?" the man demanded. "Looking for +Millie?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, no!" the boy answered, horrified. "My mother isn't—<I>here</I>!" +</P> + +<P> +"Well, what you doing?" +</P> + +<P> +"I'm lost." +</P> + +<P> +The man laughed. He clapped the boy on the back. "Don't you be +afraid," said he, sincerely hearty. "I'll take you home. You know me, +don't you?" +</P> + +<P> +"Not your name." +</P> + +<P> +"Anyhow, you remember me, don't you? You've seen me before?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, sir." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, my name's Jim Millette. I'm an acrobat. And I know you. Why, +sure! I remember when you was born. Me and your mother is old +friends. Soon as I seen you I knew who you was. 'By gad!' says I, 'if +that ain't Millie Slade's kid!' How is she, anyhow?" +</P> + +<P> +"She's very well." +</P> + +<P> +"Working?" +</P> + +<P> +"No," the boy answered, gravely; "my mother does not work." +</P> + +<P> +The man whistled. +</P> + +<P> +"I am living with Mr. Fithian, the curate," said the boy, with a sigh. +"So my mother is having—a very good—time." +</P> + +<P> +"She must be lonely." +</P> + +<P> +The boy shook his head. "Oh, no!" said he. "She is much +happier—without me." +</P> + +<P> +"She's <I>what</I>?" +</P> + +<P> +"Happier," the boy repeated, "without me. If she were not," he added, +"I would not live with the curate." +</P> + +<P> +The man laughed. It was in pity—not in merriment. "Well, say," he +said, "when you see your mother, you tell her you met Jim Millette on +the street. Will you? You tell her Jim's been—married. She'll +understand. And I guess she'll be glad to know it. And, say, I guess +she'll wonder who it's to. You tell her it's the little blonde of the +Flying Tounsons. She'll know I ain't losing anything, anyhow, by +standing in with that troupe. Tell her it's all right. You just tell +her I said that everything was all right. Will you?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, sir." +</P> + +<P> +"You ain't never been to a show, have you?" the man continued. "I +thought not. Well, say, you come along with me. It ain't late. We'll +see the after-piece at the Burlesque. I'll take you in." +</P> + +<P> +"I think," said the boy, "I had better not." +</P> + +<P> +"Aw, come on!" the acrobat urged. +</P> + +<P> +"I'm awful glad to see you, Dick," he added, putting his arm around the +boy, of kind impulse; "and I'd like to give you a good time—for +Millie's sake." +</P> + +<P> +The boy was still doubtful. "I had better go home," he said. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, now, don't you be afraid of me, Dick. I'll take you home after +the show. We got lots of time. Aw, come on!" +</P> + +<P> +It occurred to the boy that Providence had ordered events in answer to +his prayer. +</P> + +<P> +"Thank you," he said. +</P> + +<P> +"You'll have a good time," the acrobat promised. "They say Flannigan's +got a good show." +</P> + +<P> +They made their way to the Burlesque. Flannigan's Forty Flirts there +held the boards. "Girls! Just Girls! Grass Widows and Merry Maids! +No Nonsense About 'Em! Just Girls! Girls!" The foul and tawdry +aspect of the entrance oppressed the child. He felt some tragic +foreboding.... +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +Within it was dark to the boy's eyes. The air was hot and +foul—stagnant, exhausted: the stale exhalation of a multitude of lungs +which vice was rotting; tasting of their very putridity. A mist of +tobacco smoke filled the place—was still rising in bitter, stifling +clouds. There was a nauseating smell of beer and sweat and +disinfectants. The boy's foot felt the unspeakable slime of the floor: +he tingled with disgust. +</P> + +<P> +An illustrated song was in listless progress. The light, reflected +from the screen, revealed a throng of repulsive faces, stretching, row +upon row, into the darkness of the rear, into the shadows of the +roof—sickly and pimpled and bloated flesh: vicious faces, hopeless, +vacuous, diseased. And these were the faces that leered and writhed in +the boy's dreams of hell. Here, present and tangible, were gathered +all his terrors. He was in the very midst of sin. +</P> + +<P> +The song was ended. The footlights flashed high. There was a burst of +blatant music—a blare: unfeeling and discordant. It grated +agonizingly. The boy's sensitive ear rebelled. He shuddered.... +Screen and curtain disappeared. In the brilliant light beyond, a group +of brazen women began to cavort and sing. Their voices were harsh and +out of tune. At once the faces in the shadow started into eager +interest—the eyes flashing, with some strangely evil passion, unknown +to the child, but acutely felt.... There was a shrill shout of +welcome—raised by the women, without feeling. Down the stage, her +person exposed, bare-armed, throwing shameless glances, courting the +sensual stare, grinning as though in joyous sympathy with the evil of +the place, came a woman with blinding blonde hair. +</P> + +<P> +It was the boy's mother. +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +"Millie!" the acrobat ejaculated. +</P> + +<P> +The boy had not moved. He was staring at the woman on the stage. A +flush of shame, swiftly departing, had left his face white. Presently +he trembled. His lips twitched—his head drooped. The man laid a +comforting hand on his knee. A tear splashed upon it. +</P> + +<P> +"I didn't know she was here, Dick!" the acrobat whispered. "It's a +shame. But I didn't know. And I—I'm—sorry!" +</P> + +<P> +The boy looked up. He called a smile to his face. It was a brave +pretense. But his face was still wan. +</P> + +<P> +"I think I'd like to go home," he answered, weakly. "It's—time—for +tea." +</P> + +<P> +"Don't feel bad, Dick! It's all right. <I>She's</I> all right." +</P> + +<P> +"If you please," said the boy, still resolutely pretending ignorance, +"I think I'd like to go—now." +</P> + +<P> +The acrobat waited for a blast of harsh music to subside. The boy's +mother began to sing—a voice trivially engaged: raised beyond its +strength. A spasm of distress contorted the boy's face. +</P> + +<P> +"Brace up, Dick!" the man whispered. "Don't take it so hard." +</P> + +<P> +"If you please," the boy protested, "I'll be late for tea if I don't go +now." +</P> + +<P> +The acrobat took his hand—guided him, stumbling, up the aisle: led him +into the fresh air, the cool, clean sunlight, of the street.... There +had been sudden confusion on the stage. The curtain had fallen with a +rush. But it was now lifted, again, and the dismal entertainment was +once more in noisy course. +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +It was now late in the afternoon. The pavement was thronged. Dazed by +agony, blinded by the bright light of day, the boy was roughly jostled. +The acrobat drew him into an eddy of the stream. There the child +offered his hand—and looked up with a dogged little smile. +</P> + +<P> +"Good-bye," he said. "Thank you." +</P> + +<P> +The acrobat caught the hand in a warm clasp. "You don't know your way +home, do you?" he asked. +</P> + +<P> +"No, sir." +</P> + +<P> +"Where you going?" +</P> + +<P> +The boy looked away. There was a long interval. Into the shuffle and +chatter of the passing crowd crept the muffled blare of the orchestra. +The acrobat still held the boy's hand tight—still anxiously watched +him, his face overcast. +</P> + +<P> +"Box Street?" he asked. +</P> + +<P> +"No, sir." +</P> + +<P> +"Aw, Dick! think again," the acrobat pleaded. "Come, now! Ain't you +going to Box Street?" +</P> + +<P> +"No, sir," the boy answered, low. "I'm going to the curate's house, +near the Church of the Lifted Cross." +</P> + +<P> +They were soon within sight of the trees in the park. The boy's way +was then known to him. Again he extended his hand—again smiled. +</P> + +<P> +"Thank you," he said. "Good-bye." +</P> + +<P> +The acrobat was loath to let the little hand go. But there was nothing +else to do. He dropped it, at last, with a quick-drawn sigh. +</P> + +<P> +"It'll come out all right," he muttered. +</P> + +<P> +Then the boy went his way alone. His shoulders were proudly +squared—his head held high.... +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +Meantime, they had revived Millie Slade. She was in the common +dressing-room—a littered, infamous, foul, place, situated below stage. +Behind her the gas flared and screamed. Still in her panderous +disguise, within hearing of the rasping music and the tramp of the +dance, within hearing of the coarse applause, this tender mother sat +alone, unconscious of evil—uncontaminated, herself kept holy by her +motherhood, lifted by her love from the touch of sin. To her all the +world was a temple, undefiled, wherein she worshipped, wherein the +child was a Presence, purifying every place. +</P> + +<P> +She had no strength left for tragic behaviour. She sat limp, shedding +weak tears, whimpering, tearing at her finger nails. +</P> + +<P> +"I'm found out!" she moaned. "Oh, my God! He'll never love me no +more!" +</P> + +<P> +A woman entered in haste. +</P> + +<P> +"You got it, Aggie?" the mother asked. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, dear. Now, you just drink this, and you'll feel better." +</P> + +<P> +"I don't want it—now." +</P> + +<P> +"Aw, now, you drink it! Poor dear! It'll do you lots of good." +</P> + +<P> +"He wouldn't want me to." +</P> + +<P> +"Aw, he won't know. And you need it, dear. <I>Do</I> drink it!" +</P> + +<P> +"No, Aggie," said the mother. "It don't matter that he don't know. I +just don't want it. I <I>can't</I> do what he wouldn't like me to." +</P> + +<P> +The glass was put aside. And Aggie sat beside the mother, and drew her +head to a sympathetic breast. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't cry!" she whispered. "Oh, Millie, don't cry!" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh," the woman whimpered, "he'll think me an ugly thing, Aggie. He'll +think me a skinny thing. If I'd only got here in time, if I'd only +looked right, he might have loved me still. But he won't love me no +more—after to-day!" +</P> + +<P> +"Hush, Millie! He's only a kid. He don't know nothing about—such +things." +</P> + +<P> +"Only a kid," said the mother, according to the perverted experience of +her life, "but still a man!" +</P> + +<P> +"He wouldn't care." +</P> + +<P> +"They <I>all</I> care!" +</P> + +<P> +Indeed, this was her view; and by her knowledge of the world she spoke. +</P> + +<P> +"Not him," said Aggie. +</P> + +<P> +The mother was infinitely distressed. "Oh," she moaned, "if I'd only +had time to pad!" +</P> + +<P> +This was the greater tragedy of her situation: that she misunderstood. +</P> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="img-198"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-198.jpg" ALT="Tailpiece to _The Mother_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="244" HEIGHT="138"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap14"></A> + +<A NAME="img-199"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-199.jpg" ALT="Headpiece to _Nearing the Sea_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="231" HEIGHT="158"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +<I>NEARING THE SEA</I> +</H3> + +<P> +It was Sunday evening. Evil-weather threatened. The broad window of +top floor rear looked out upon a lowering sky—everywhere gray and +thick: turning black beyond the distant hills. An hour ago the +Department wagon had rattled away with the body of Mr. Poddle; and with +the cheerfully blasphemous directions, the tramp of feet, the jocular +comment, as the box was carried down the narrow stair, the last +distraction had departed. The boy's mother was left undisturbed to +prepare for the crucial moments in the park. +</P> + +<P> +She was now nervously engaged before her looking-glass. All the tools +of her trade lay at hand. A momentous problem confronted her. The +child must be won back. He must be convinced of her worth. Therefore +she must be beautiful. He thought her pretty. She would be pretty. +But how impress him? By what appeal? The pathetic? the tenderly +winsome? the gay? She would be gay. Marvellous lies occurred to +her—a multitude of them: there was no end to her fertility in +deception. And she would excite his jealousy. Upon that feeling she +would play. She would blow hot; she would blow cold. She would reduce +him to agony—the most poignant agony he had ever suffered. Then she +would win him. +</P> + +<P> +To this end, acting according to the enlightenment of her kind, she +plied her pencil and puffs; and when, at last, she stood before the +mirror, new gowned, beautiful after the conventions of her kind, blind +to the ghastliness of it, ignorant of the secret of her strength, she +had a triumphant consciousness of power. +</P> + +<P> +"He'll love me," she thought, with a snap of the teeth. "He's got to!" +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +Jim Millette knocked—and pushed the door ajar, and diffidently +intruded his head. +</P> + +<P> +"Hello, Jim!" she cried. "Come in!" +</P> + +<P> +The man would not enter. "I can't, Millie," he faltered. "I just got +a minute." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, come on in!" said she, contemptuously. "Come in and tell me about +it. What did you do it for, Jim? You got good and even, didn't you? +Eh, Jim?" she taunted. "You got even!" +</P> + +<P> +"It wasn't that, Millie," he protested. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, wasn't it?" she shrilled. +</P> + +<P> +"No, it wasn't, Millie. I didn't have no grudge against you." +</P> + +<P> +"Then what was it? Come in and tell me!" she laughed. "You dassn't, +Jim! You're afraid! come in," she flashed, "and I'll make you lick my +shoes! And when you're crawling on the floor, Jim, like a slimy dog, +I'll kick you out. Hear me, you pup? What you take my child in there +for?" she cried. "Hear me? Aw, you pup!" she snarled. "You're afraid +to come in!" +</P> + +<P> +"Don't go on, Millie," he warned her. "Don't you go on like that. +Maybe I <I>will</I> come in. And if I do, my girl, it won't be me that'll +be lickin' shoes. It might be <I>you</I>!" +</P> + +<P> +"Me!" she scorned. "You ain't got no hold on me no more. Come in and +try it!" +</P> + +<P> +The man hesitated. +</P> + +<P> +"Come on!" she taunted. +</P> + +<P> +"I ain't coming in, Millie," he answered. "I didn't come up to come +in. I just come up to tell you I was sorry." +</P> + +<P> +She laughed. +</P> + +<P> +"I didn't know you was there, Millie," the man continued. "If I'd +knowed you was with the Forty Flirts, I wouldn't have took the boy +there. And I come up to tell you so." +</P> + +<P> +Overcome by a sudden and agonizing recollection of the scene, she put +her hands to her face. +</P> + +<P> +"And I come up to tell you something else," the acrobat continued, +speaking gently. "I tell you, Millie, you better look out. If you +ain't careful, you'll lose him for good. He took it hard, Millie. +Hard! It broke the little fellow all up. It hurt him—awful!" +</P> + +<P> +She began to walk the floor. In the room the light was failing. It +was growing dark—an angry portent—over the roofs of the opposite city. +</P> + +<P> +"Do you want him back?" the man asked. +</P> + +<P> +"Want him back!" she cried. +</P> + +<P> +"Then," said he, his voice soft, grave, "take care!" +</P> + +<P> +"Want him back?" she repeated, beginning, now, by habit, to tear at her +nails. "I got to have him back! He's mine, ain't he? Didn't I bear +him? Didn't I nurse him? Wasn't it me that—that—<I>made</I> him? He's +my kid, I tell you—<I>mine</I>! And I want him back! Oh, I want him so!" +</P> + +<P> +The man entered; but the woman seemed not to know it. He regarded her +compassionately. +</P> + +<P> +"That there curate ain't got no right to him," she complained. "<I>He</I> +didn't have nothing to do with the boy. It was only me and Dick. +What's he sneaking around here for—taking Dick's boy away? The boy's +half mine and half Dick's. The curate ain't got no share. And now +Dick's dead—and he's <I>all</I> mine! The curate ain't got nothing to do +with it. We don't want no curate here. I raised that boy for myself. +I didn't do it to give him to no curate. What right's he got coming +around here—getting a boy he didn't have no pain to bear or trouble to +raise? I tell you <I>I</I> got that boy. He's mine—and I want him!" +</P> + +<P> +"But you give the boy to the curate, Millie!" +</P> + +<P> +"No, I didn't!" she lied. "He took the boy. He come sneaking around +here making trouble. <I>I</I> didn't give him no boy. And I want him +back," she screamed, in a gust of passion. "I want my boy back!" +</P> + +<P> +A rumble of thunder—failing, far off—came from the sea. +</P> + +<P> +"Millie," the acrobat persisted, "you said you wasn't fit to bring him +up." +</P> + +<P> +"I ain't," she snapped. "But I don't care. He's mine—and I'll have +him." +</P> + +<P> +The man shrugged his shoulders. +</P> + +<P> +"Jim," the woman said, now quiet, laying her hands on the acrobat's +shoulders, looking steadily into his eyes, "that boy's mine. I want +him—I want him—back. But I don't want him if he don't love me. And +if I can't have him—if I can't have him——" +</P> + +<P> +"Millie!" +</P> + +<P> +"I'll be all alone, Jim—and I'll want——" +</P> + +<P> +He caught her hands. "Me?" he asked. "Will you want me?" +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know." +</P> + +<P> +"Millie," he said, speaking hurriedly, "<I>won't</I> you want me? I've took +up with the little Tounson blonde. But <I>she</I> wouldn't care. You know +how it goes, Millie. It's only for business. She and me team up. +That's all. She wouldn't care. And if you want me—if you want me, +Millie, straight and regular, for better or for worse—if you want me +that way, Millie——" +</P> + +<P> +"Don't, Jim!" +</P> + +<P> +He let her hands fall—and drew away. "I love you too much," he said, +"to butt in now. But if the boy goes back on you, Millie, I'll +come—again. You'll need me then—and that's why I'll come. I don't +want him to go back on you. I want him to love you still. It's +because of the way you love him that I love you—in the way I do. It +ain't easy for me to say this. It ain't easy for me to want to give +you up. But you're that kind of a woman, Millie. You're that +kind—since you got the boy. I want to give you up. You'd be better +off with him. You're—you're—<I>holier</I>—when you're with that child. +You'd break your poor heart without that boy of yours. And I want you +to have him—to love him—to be loved by him. If he comes back, you'll +not see me again. I've lived a life that makes me—not fit—to be with +no child like him. But so help me God!" the man passionately declared, +"I hope he don't turn you down!" +</P> + +<P> +"You're all right, Jim!" she sobbed. "You're all right!" +</P> + +<P> +"I'm going now," he said, quietly. "But I got one more thing to say. +Don't fool that boy!" +</P> + +<P> +She looked up. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't fool him," the man repeated. "You'll lose him if you do." +</P> + +<P> +"Not fool him? It's so easy, Jim!" +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, Millie," he said, with a hopeless gesture, "you're blind. You +don't know your own child. You're blind—you're just blind!" +</P> + +<P> +"What you mean, Jim?" she demanded. +</P> + +<P> +"You don't know what he loves you for." +</P> + +<P> +"What does he love me for?" +</P> + +<P> +The man was at the door. "Because," he answered, turning, "you're his +mother!" +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +It was not yet nine o'clock. The boy would still be in the church. +She must not yet set out for the park. So she lighted the lamp. For a +time she posed and grimaced before the mirror. When she was perfect in +the part, she sat in the rocking-chair at the broad window, there to +rehearse the deceptions it was in her mind to practice. But while she +watched the threatening shadows gather, the lights on the river flash +into life and go drifting aimlessly away, her mind strayed from this +purpose, her willful heart throbbed with sweeter feeling—his childish +voice, the depths of his eyes, the grateful weight of his head upon her +bosom. Why had he loved her? Because she was his mother! A forgotten +perception returned to illuminate her way—a perception, never before +reduced to formal terms, that her virtue, her motherly tenderness, were +infinitely more appealing to him than the sum of her other attractions. +</P> + +<P> +She started from the chair—her breast heaving with despairing alarm. +Again she stood before the mirror—staring with new-opened eyes at the +painted face, the gaudy gown: and by these things she was now horrified. +</P> + +<P> +"He won't love me!" she thought. "Not this way. He—he—couldn't!" +</P> + +<P> +It struck the hour. +</P> + +<P> +"Nine o'clock!" she cried. "I got to <I>do</I> something!" +</P> + +<P> +She looked helplessly about the room. Why had he loved her? Because +she was his mother! She would be his mother—nothing more: just his +mother. She would go to him with that appeal. She would not seek to +win him. She would but tell him that she was his mother. She would be +his mother—true and tender and holy. He would not resist her plea.... +This determined, she acted resolutely and in haste: she stripped off +the gown, flung it on the floor, kicked the silken heap under the bed; +she washed the paint from her face, modestly laid her hair, robed +herself anew. And when again, with these new, seeing eyes, she looked +into the glass, she found that she was young, unspoiled—still lovely: +a sweetly wistful woman, whom he resembled. Moreover, there came to +transform her, suddenly, gloriously, a revelation: that of the +spiritual significance of her motherhood. +</P> + +<P> +"Thank God!" she thought, uplifted by this vision. "Oh, thank God! +I'm like them other people. I'm fit to bring him up!" +</P> + +<P> +It thundered ominously. +</P> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="img-213"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-213.jpg" ALT="Tailpiece to _Nearing the Sea_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="228" HEIGHT="70"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<HR ALIGN="center" WIDTH="60%"> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="chap15"></A> + +<A NAME="img-214"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-214.jpg" ALT="Headpiece to _The Last Appeal_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="229" HEIGHT="158"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +<I>THE LAST APPEAL</I> +</H3> + +<P> +She sat waiting for him at the bench by the lilac bush. He was late, +she thought—strangely late. She wondered why. It was dark. The +night was close and hot. There was no breath of air stirring in the +park. From time to time the lightning flashed. In fast lessening +intervals came the thunder. Presently she caught ear of his step on +the pavement—still distant: approaching, not from the church, but from +the direction of the curate's home. +</P> + +<P> +"And he's not running!" she thought, quick to take alarm. +</P> + +<P> +They were inexplicable—these lagging feet. He had never before +dawdled on the way. Her alarm increased. She waited anxiously—until, +with eyes downcast, he stood before her. +</P> + +<P> +"Richard!" she tenderly said. +</P> + +<P> +"I'm here, mother," he answered; but he did not look at her. +</P> + +<P> +She put her arms around him. "Your mother," she whispered, while she +kissed him, "is glad—to feel you—lying here." +</P> + +<P> +He lay quiet against her—his face on her bosom. She was thrilled by +this sweet pressure. +</P> + +<P> +"Have you been happy?" she asked. +</P> + +<P> +"No." +</P> + +<P> +"Nor I, dear!" +</P> + +<P> +He turned his face—not to her: to the flaming cross above the church. +She had invited a question. But he made no response. +</P> + +<P> +"Nor I," she repeated. +</P> + +<P> +Still he gazed at the cross. It was shining in a black cloud—high in +the sky. She felt him tremble. +</P> + +<P> +"Hold me tight!" he said. +</P> + +<P> +She drew him to her—glad to have him ask her to: having no disquieting +question. +</P> + +<P> +"Tighter!" he implored. +</P> + +<P> +She rocked him. "Hush, dear!" she crooned. "You're safe—with your +mother. What frightens you?" +</P> + +<P> +"The cross!" he sobbed. +</P> + +<P> +God knows! 'twas a pity that his childish heart misinterpreted the +message of the cross—changing his loving purpose into sin. But the +misinterpretation was not forever to endure.... +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +The wind began to stir the leaves—tentative gusts: swirling eagerly +through the park. There was a flash—an instant clap of thunder, +breaking overhead, rumbling angrily away. Two men ran past. Great +drops of rain splashed on the pavement. +</P> + +<P> +"Let us go home," the boy said. +</P> + +<P> +"Not yet!" she protested. "Oh, not yet!" +</P> + +<P> +He escaped from her arms. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't go, Richard!" she whimpered. "Please don't, dear! Not yet. +I—I'm—oh, I'm not ready to say good-night. Not yet!" +</P> + +<P> +He took her hand. "Come, mother!" he said. +</P> + +<P> +"Not yet!" +</P> + +<P> +He dropped her hand—sprang away from her with a startled little cry. +"Oh, mother," he moaned, "don't you want me?" +</P> + +<P> +"Home?" she asked, blankly. "Home—with me?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, yes, mother! Let me go home. Quick I Let us go.... The curate +says I know best. I went straight to him—yesterday—and told him. +And he said I was wiser than he.... And I said good-bye. Don't send +me back. For, oh, I want to go home—with you!" +</P> + +<P> +She opened her arms. At that moment a brilliant flash of lightning +illuminated the world. For the first time the child caught sight of +her face—the sweet, real face of his mother: now radiant, touched by +the finger of the Good God Himself. +</P> + +<P> +"Is it you?" he whispered. +</P> + +<P> +"I am your mother." +</P> + +<P> +He leaped into her arms—found her wet eyes with his lips. "Mother!" +he cried. +</P> + +<P> +"My son!" she said. +</P> + +<P> +He turned again to the flaming cross—a little smile of defiance upon +his lips. But the defiance passed swiftly: for it was then revealed to +him that his mother was good; and he knew that what the cross signified +would continue with him, wherever he went, that goodness and peace +might abide within his heart. Hand in hand, while the thunder still +rolled and the rain came driving with the wind, they hurried away +towards the Box Street tenement.... +</P> + +<BR> + +<P> +Let them go! Why not? Let them depart into their world! It needs +them. They will glorify it. Nor will they suffer loss. Let them go! +Love flourishes in the garden of the world we know. Virtue is forever +in bloom. Let them go to their place! Why should we wish to deprive +the unsightly wilderness of its flowers? Let the tenderness of this +mother and son continue to grace it! +</P> + +<BR><BR> + +<A NAME="img-220"></A> +<CENTER> +<IMG CLASS="imgcenter" SRC="images/img-220.jpg" ALT="Tailpiece to _The Last Appeal_" BORDER="0" WIDTH="187" HEIGHT="215"> +</CENTER> + +<BR><BR> + +<P CLASS="finis"> +THE END +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR><BR> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Mother, by Norman Duncan + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MOTHER *** + +***** This file should be named 27550-h.htm or 27550-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/7/5/5/27550/ + +Produced by Al Haines + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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b/27550-h/images/img-toc2.jpg diff --git a/27550.txt b/27550.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..adf67e0 --- /dev/null +++ b/27550.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4070 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Mother, by Norman Duncan + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Mother + +Author: Norman Duncan + +Illustrator: H. E. Fritz + +Release Date: December 17, 2008 [EBook #27550] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MOTHER *** + + + + +Produced by Al Haines + + + + + + + + + +[Illustration: Cover] + + + +[Illustration: The Mother + + + +[Frontispiece: The Mother] + + + +[Illustration: Title page] + + + +The Mother + + +by + +Norman Duncan + + + + + +Fleming H. Revell Company + +Publishers + + + + +[Illustration: Copyright] + + + +Copyright 1905 + +by + +Fleming H. Revell Company + +New York -- Chicago -- Toronto + + + + +[Illustration: Dedication] + + +To + +E. H. D. + + + + +[Illustration: Decorations] + + +The Decorations + +In This Book Were + +Designed by H. E. Fritz + + + + +[Illustration: Decoration] + +Contents + + BY PROXY + THE RIVER + A GARDEN OF LIES + THE CELEBRITY IN LOVE + AT MIDNIGHT + A MEETING BY CHANCE + RENUNCIATION + IN THE CURRENT + THE CHORISTER + ALIENATION + A CHILD'S PRAYER + +[Illustration: Decoration] + + MR. PODDLE'S FINALE + HIS MOTHER + NEARING THE SEA + THE LAST APPEAL + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _By Proxy_] + + + + +_BY PROXY_ + +It will be recalled without effort--possibly, indeed, without +interest--that the obsequies of the old Senator Boligand were a +distinguished success: a fashionable, proper function, ordered by the +young widow with exquisite taste, as all the world said, and conducted +without reproach, as the undertaker and the clergy very heartily +agreed. At the Church of the Lifted Cross, the incident of the child, +the blonde lady and the mysteriously veiled man, who sat in awe and +bewildered amazement where the shadows gave deepest seclusion, escaped +notice. Not that the late Senator Boligand was in life aware of the +existence of the child or the lady or the strange fellow with the veil. +Nothing of the sort. The one was the widow of Dick Slade, the other +his son, born in wedlock; and the third was the familiar counsellor and +intimate of them all. The Senator was for once turned to good account: +was made contributor to the sweetness of life, to the comfort of the +humble. That was all. And I fancy that the shade of the grim old +robber, lurking somewhere in the softly coloured gloom of the chancel, +was not altogether averse to the farce in which his earthly tabernacle +was engaged.... + +When Dick Slade died in the big red tenement of Box Street, he died as +other men die, complaining of the necessity; and his son, in the way of +all tender children, sorely wept: not because his father was now lost +to him, which was beyond his comprehension, but because the man must be +put in a grave--a cold place, dark and suffocating, being underground, +as the child had been told. + +"I don't want my father," he woefully protested, "to be planted!" + +"Planted!" cried the mother, throwing up her hands in indignant denial. +"Who told you he'd be planted?" + +"Madame Lacara." + +"She's a liar," said the woman, composedly, without resentment. "We'll +cut the _planting_ out of _this_ funeral." Her ingenuity, her +resourcefulness, her daring, when the happiness of her child was +concerned, were usually sufficient to the emergency. "Why, darling!" +she exclaimed. "Your father will be taken right up into the sky. He +won't be put in no grave. He'll go right straight to a place where +it's all sunshine--where it's all blue and high and as bright as day." +She bustled about: keeping an eye alert for the effect of her promises. +She was not yet sure how this glorious ascension might be managed; but +she had never failed to deceive him to his own contentment, and 'twas +not her habit to take fainthearted measures. "They been lying to you, +dear," she complained. "Don't you fret about graves. You just wait," +she concluded, significantly, "and see!" + +The boy sighed. + +"Poddle and me," she added, with a wag of the head to convince him, +"will show you where your father goes." + +"I wish," the boy said, wistfully, "that he wasn't dead." + +"Don't you do it!" she flashed. "It don't make no difference to him. +It's a good thing. I bet he's glad to be dead." + +The boy shook his head. + +"Yes, he is! Don't you think he isn't. There ain't nothing like being +dead. Everybody's happy--when they're dead." + +"He's so still!" the boy whispered. + +"It feels fine to be still--like that." + +"And he's so cold!" + +"No!" she scorned. "He don't feel cold. You think he's cold. But he +ain't. That's just what you _think_. He's comfortable. He's glad to +be dead. Everybody's glad to be dead." + +The boy shuddered. + +"Don't you do that no more!" said the woman. "It don't hurt to be +dead. Honest, it don't! It feels real good to be that way." + +"I--I--I don't think I'd like--to be dead!" + +"You don't have to if you don't want to," the woman replied, thrown +into a confusion of pain and alarm. To comfort him, to shield him from +agony, to keep the shadow of fear from falling upon him: she desired +nothing more; and she was content to succeed if but for the moment. "I +tell you," she continued, "you never will be dead--if you don't want +to. Your father wanted to be dead. 'I think, Millie,' says he, 'I'd +like to be dead.' 'All right, Dick,' says I. 'If you want to, I won't +stand in your way. But I don't know about the boy.' 'Oh,' says he, +'the boy won't stand in my way.' 'I guess that's right, Dick,' says I, +'for the boy loves you.' And so," she concluded, "he died. But _you_ +don't have to die. You'll never die--not unless you want to." She +kissed him. "Don't you be afraid, dear!" she crooned. + +"I'm not--afraid." + +"Well, then," she asked, puzzled, "what _are_ you?" + +"I don't know," he faltered. "I think it makes me--sick at +the--stomach." + +He had turned white. She took him in her arms, to comfort and hearten +him--an unfailing device: her kisses, her warm, ample bosom, her close +embrace; he was by these always consoled.... + + +Next day, then, in accordance with the woman's device, the boy and his +mother set out with the veiled man for the Church of the Lifted Cross, +where the obsequies of Senator Boligand were to take place. It was sad +weather--a cold rain falling, the city gray, all the world black-clad +and dripping and sour of countenance. The veiled man said never a +word; he held the boy's hand tight, and strode gloomily on--silent of +melancholy, of protest, of ill temper: there was no knowing, for his +face was hid. The woman, distinguished by a mass of blinding blonde +hair and a complexion susceptible to change by the weather, was dressed +in the ultra-fashionable way--the small differences of style all +accentuated: the whole tawdry and shabby and limp in the rain. The +child, a slender boy, delicately white of skin, curly headed, with +round, dark eyes, outlooking in wonder and troubled regard, but yet +bravely enough, trotted between the woman and the man, a hand in the +hand of each.... And when they came to the Church of the Lifted Cross; +and when the tiny, flickering lights, and the stained windows, and the +shadows overhead, and the throbbing, far-off music had worked their +spell upon him, he snuggled close to his mother, wishing himself well +away from the sadness and mystery of the place, but glad that its +solemn splendour honoured the strange change his father had chosen to +undergo. + +"Have they brought papa yet?" he whispered. + +"Hush!" she answered. "He's come." + +For a moment she was in a panic--lest the child's prattle, being +perilously indiscreet, involve them all in humiliating difficulties. +Scandal of this sort would be intolerable to the young Boligand widow. + +"Where is he?" + +"Don't talk so loud, dear. He's down in front--where all the lights +are." + +"Can't we go there?' + +"No, no!" she whispered, quickly. "It isn't the way. We must sit +here. Don't talk, dear; it isn't the way." + +"I'd like to--kiss him." + +"Oh, my!" she exclaimed. "It isn't allowed. We got to sit right here. +That's the way it's always done. Hush, dear! Please don't talk." + +With prayer and soulful dirges--employing white robes and many lights +and the voices of children--the body of Senator Boligand was dealt +with, in the vast, dim church, according to the forms prescribed, and +with due regard for the wishes of the young widow. The Senator was an +admirable substitute; Dick Slade's glorious ascension was accomplished. +And the heart of the child was comforted by this beauty: for then he +knew that his father was by some high magic admitted to the place of +which his mother had told him--some place high and blue and ever light +as day. The fear of death passed from him. He was glad, for his +father's sake, that his father had died; and he wished that he, too, +might some day know the glory to which his father had attained. + +But when the earthly remains of the late distinguished Senator were +borne down the aisle in solemn procession, the boy had a momentary +return of grief. + +"Is that papa in the box?" he whimpered. + +His mother put her lips to his ear. "Yes," she gasped. "But don't +talk. It isn't allowed." + +The veiled man turned audibly uneasy. "Cuss it!" he fumed. + +"Oh, father!" the boy sobbed. + +With happy promptitude the veiled man acted. He put a hand over the +boy's mouth. "For God's sake, Millie," he whispered to the woman, +"let's get out of here! We'll be run in." + +"Hush, dear!" the woman commanded: for she was much afraid. + +After that, the child was quiet. + + +From the room in the Box Street tenement, meantime, the body of Dick +Slade had been taken in a Department wagon to a resting-place befitting +in degree. + +"Millie," the veiled man protested, that night, "you didn't ought to +fool the boy." + +"It don't matter, Poddle," said she. "And I don't want him to feel +bad." + +"You didn't ought to do it," the man persisted. "It'll make trouble +for him." + +"I can't see him hurt," said the woman, doggedly. "I love him so much. +Poddle, I just can't! It hurts _me_." + +The boy was now in bed. "Mother," he asked, lifting himself from the +pillow, "when will I die?" + +"Why, child!" she ejaculated. + +"I wish," said the boy, "it was to-morrow." + +"There!" said the woman, in triumph, to the man. "He ain't afraid of +death no more." + +"I told you so, Millie!" the man exclaimed, at the same instant. + +"But he ain't afraid to die," she persisted. "And that's all I want." + +"You can't fool him always," the man warned. + +The boy was then four years old.... + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _By Proxy_] + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _The River_] + + + + +_THE RIVER_ + +Top floor rear of the Box Street tenement looked out upon the river. +It was lifted high: the activities of the broad stream and of the +motley world of the other shore went silently; the petty noises of +life--the creak and puff and rumble of its labouring +machinery,--straying upward from the fussy places below, were lost in +the space between. + +Within: a bed, a stove, a table--the gaunt framework of home. But the +window overlooked the river; and the boy was now seven years old, +unknowing, unquestioning, serenely obedient to the circumstances of his +life: feeling no desire that wandered beyond the familiar presence of +his mother--her voice and touch and brooding love. + +It was a magic window--a window turned lengthwise, broad, low, +small-paned, disclosing wonders without end: a scene of infinite +changes. There was shipping below, restless craft upon the water; and +beyond, dwarfed in the distance, was a confusion of streets, of flat, +puffing roofs, stretching from the shining river to the far, misty +hills, which lay beside the sea, invisible and mysterious. + +But top floor rear was remote from the river and the roofs. From the +window--and from the love in the room--the boy looked out upon an alien +world, heard the distant murmur, monotonously proceeding, night and +day: uncomprehending, but unperturbed.... + + +In the evening the boy sat with his mother at the window. Together +they watched the shadows gather--the hills and the city and the river +dissolve: the whole broad world turn to points of light, twinkling, +flashing, darting, in the black, voiceless gulf. Nor would she fail to +watch the night come, whether in gentle weather or whipping rain: but +there would sit, the boy in her arms, held close to her breast, her +hand straying restlessly over his small body, intimately caressing it. + +The falling shadows; the river, flowing unfeelingly; the lights, +wandering without rest, aimless, forever astray in the dark: these were +a spell upon her. + +"They go to the sea!" she whispered, once. + +"The ships, mother?" + +She put his head in the hollow of her shoulder, where her cheek might +touch his hair: all the time staring out at the lights on the river. + +"All the ships, all the lights on the river," she said, hoarsely, "go +out there." + +"Why?" + +"The river takes them." + +He was made uneasy: being conscious of the deeper meaning--acutely +aware of some strange dread stirring in her heart. + +"Maybe," he protested, "they're glad to go away." + +She shook her head. "One night," she said, leaning towards the window, +seeming now to forget the boy, "I seen the sea. All the lights on the +river go different ways--when they get out there. It is a dark and +lonesome place--big and dark and lonesome." + +"Then," said he, quickly, "you would not like to be there." + +"No," she answered. "I do not like the sky," she continued; "it is so +big and empty. I do not like the sea; it is so big and dark. And +black winds are always blowing there; and the lights go different ways. +The lights," she muttered, "go different ways! I am afraid of the +dark. And, oh!" she moaned, suddenly crushing him to her breast, +rocking him, in an agony of tenderness, "I am afraid of something else. +Oh, I am afraid!" + +"Of what?" he gasped. + +"To be alone!" she sobbed. + +He released himself from her arms--sat back on her knee: quivering from +head to foot, his hands clenched, his lips writhing. "Don't, mother!" +he cried. "Don't cry. We will not go to the sea. We _will_ not!" + +"We must," she whispered. + +"Oh, why?" + +She kissed him: her hand slipped under his knees; and she drew him +close again--and there held him until he lay quiet in her arms. + +"We are like the lights on the river," she said. "The river will take +us to a place where the lights go different ways." + +"We will not go!" + +"The river will take us." + +The boy was puzzled: he lifted his head, to watch the lights drift +past, far below; and he was much troubled by this mystery. She tried +to gather his legs in her lap--to hold him as she used to do, when he +was a child at her breast; but he was now grown too large for that, and +she suffered, again, the familiar pain: a perception of alienation--of +inevitable loss. + +"When?" he asked. + +She let his legs fall. "Soon," she sighed. "When you are older; it +won't be long, now. When you are a little wiser; it will be very soon." + +"When I am wiser," he pondered, "we must go. What makes me wiser?" + +"The wise." + +"Are you wise?" + +"God help me!" she answered. + +He nestled his head on her shoulder--dismissing the mystery with a +quick sigh. "Never mind," he said, to comfort her. "You will not be +alone. I will be with you." + +"I wonder!" she mused. + +For a moment more she looked out; but she did not see the river--but +saw the wide sea, wind-tossed and dark, where the great multitude of +lights went apart, each upon its mysterious way. + +"Mother," he repeated, reproachfully, mystified by her hesitation, "I +will always be with you." + +"I wonder!" she mused. + +To this doubt--now clear to him beyond hope--there was instant +response: strangely passionate, but in keeping with his nature, as she +knew. For a space he lay rigid on her bosom: then struggled from her +embrace, brutally wrenching her hands apart, flinging off her arms. He +stood swaying: his hands clenched, his slender body aquiver, as before, +his dark eyes blazing reproach. It gave her no alarm, but, rather, +exquisite pleasure, to watch his agony. She caught him by the +shoulders, and bent close, that by the night-light, coming in at the +window, she might look into his eyes: wherein, swiftly, the flare of +reproach turned to hopeless woe. And she was glad that he suffered: +exalted, so that she, too, trembled. + +"Oh," he pleaded, "say that I will always be with you!" + +She would not: but continued to exult in his woeful apprehension. + +"Tell me, mother!" he implored. "Tell me!" + +Not yet: for there was no delight to be compared with the proved +knowledge of his love. + +"Mother!" he cried. + +"You do not love me," she said, to taunt him. + +"Oh, don't!" he moaned. + +"No, no!" she persisted. "You don't love your mother any more." + +He was by this reduced to uttermost despair; and he began to beat his +breast, in the pitiful way he had. Perceiving, then, that she must no +longer bait him, she opened her arms. He sprang into them. At once +his sobs turned to sighs of infinite relief, which continued, until, of +a sudden, he was hugged so tight that he had no breath left but to gasp. + +"And you will always be with me?" he asked. + +"It is the way of the world," she answered, while she kissed him, "that +sons chooses for themselves." + +With that he was quite content.... + + +For a long time they sat silent at the window. The boy dreamed +hopefully of the times to come--serenity restored. For the moment the +woman was forgetful of the foreshadowed days, happy that the warm, +pulsing little body of her son lay unshrinking in her arms: so +conscious of his love and life--so wishful for a deeper sense of +motherhood--that she slipped her hand under his jacket and felt about +for his heart, and there let her fingers lie, within touch of its +steady beating. The lights still twinkled and flashed and aimlessly +wandered in the night; but the spell of the river was lifted. + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _A Garden of Lies_] + + + + +_A GARDEN OF LIES_ + +Withal it was a rare mood: nor, being wise, was she given to expressing +it in this gloomy fashion. It was her habit, rather, assiduously to +woo him: this with kisses, soft and wet; with fleeting touches; with +coquettish glances and the sly display of her charms; with rambling, +fantastic tales of her desirability in the regard of men--thus +practicing all the familiar fascinations of her kind, according to the +enlightenment of the world she knew. He must be persuaded, she +thought, that his mother was beautiful, coveted; convinced of her wit +and gaiety: else he would not love her. Life had taught her no other +way.... And always at break of day, when he awoke in her arms, she +waited, with a pang of anxiety, pitilessly recurring, lest there be +some sign that despite her feverish precautions the heedless world had +in her nightly absence revealed that which she desperately sought to +hide from him.... + + +Thus, by and by, when the lamp was alight--when the shadows were all +chased out of the window, driven back to the raw fall night, whence +they had crept in--she lapsed abruptly into her natural manner and +practices. She spread a newspaper on the table, whistling in a cheery +fashion, the while covertly observing the effect of this lively +behaviour. With a knowing smile, promising vast gratification, she got +him on her knee; and together, cheek to cheek, her arm about his waist, +they bent over the page: whereon some function of the rich, to which +the presence of the Duchess of Croft and of the distinguished Lord +Wychester had given sensational importance, was grotesquely pictured. + +"Now, mother," said he, spreading the picture flat, "show me you." + +"This here lady," she answered, evasively, "is the Duchess of Croft." + +"Is it?" he asked, without interest. "She is very fat. Where are you?" + +"And here," she proceeded, "is Lord Wychester." + +"Mother," he demanded, "where are _you_?" + +She was disconcerted; no promising evasion immediately occurred to her. +"Maybe," she began, tentatively, "this lady here----" + +"Oh, no!" he cried, looking up with a little laugh. "It is not like +you, at all!" + +"Well," she said, "it's probably meant for me." + +He shook his head; and by the manner of this she knew that he would not +be deceived. + +"Perhaps," she said, "the Duchess told the man not to put me in the +picture. I guess that's it. She was awful jealous. You see, dear," +she went on, very solemnly, "Lord Wychester took a great fancy to me." + +He looked up with interest. + +"To--my shape," she added. + +"Oh!" said he. + +"And that," she continued, noting his pleasure, "made the Duchess hot; +for _she's_ too fat to have much of a figure. Most men, you know," she +added, as though reluctant in her own praise, "do fancy mine." She +brushed his cheek with her lips. "Don't you think, dear," she asked, +assuming an air of girlish coquetry, thus to compel the compliment, +"that I'm--rather--pretty?" + +"I think, mother," he answered, positively, "that you're very, very +pretty." + +It made her eyes shine to hear it. "Well," she resumed, improvising +more confidently, now, "the Duchess was awful mortified because Lord +Wychester danced with me seventeen times. 'Lord Wychester,' says she, +'what _do_ you see in that blonde with the diamonds?' 'Duchess,' says +he, 'I bet the blonde don't weigh over a hundred and ten!'" + +There was no answering smile; the boy glanced at the picture of the +wise and courtly old Lord Wychester, gravely regarded that of the +Duchess of Croft, of whose matronly charms, of whose charities and +amiable qualities, all the world knows. + +"What did she say?" he asked. + +"'Oh, dear me, Lord Wychester!' says she. 'If you're looking for +bones,' says she, 'that blonde is a regular glue-factory!'" + +He caught his breath. + +"'A regular glue-factory,'" she repeated, inviting sympathy. "That's +what she said." + +"Did you cry?" + +"Not me!" she scorned. "Cry? Not me! Not for no mountain like her!" + +"And what," he asked, "did Lord Wychester do?" + +"'Back to the side-show, Duchess!' says Lord Wychester. 'You're too +fat for decent company. My friend the Dook,' says he, 'may be partial +to fat ladies and ten-cent freaks; but _my_ taste runs to slim +blondes.'" + +No amusement was excited by Lord Wychester's second sally. In the +world she knew, it would have provoked a shout of laughter. The boy's +gravity disquieted her. + +"Did you laugh?" he asked. + +"Everybody," she answered, pitifully, "give her the laugh." + +He sighed--somewhat wistfully. "I wish," he said, "that _you_ hadn't." + +"Why not!" she wondered, in genuine surprise. + +"I don't know." + +"Why, dear!" she exclaimed, a note of alarm in her voice. "It isn't +bad manners! Anyhow," she qualified, quick to catch her cue, "I didn't +laugh much. I hardly laughed at all. I don't believe I _did_ laugh." + +"I'm glad," he said. + +Then, "I'm sure of it," she ventured, boldly; and she observed with +relief that he was not incredulous. + +"Did the Duchess cry?" + +"Oh, my, no! 'Waiter,' says the Duchess, 'open another bottle of that +wine. I feel faint.'" + +"What did Lord Wychester do then?" + +"He paid for the wine." It occurred to her that she might now surely +delight him. "Then he wanted to buy a bottle for me," she continued, +eagerly, "just to spite the Duchess. 'If _she_ can have wine,' says +he, 'there isn't no good reason why _you_ got to go dry.' But I +couldn't see it. 'Oh, come on!' says he. 'What's the matter with you? +Have a drink.' 'No, you don't!' says I. 'Why not?' says he." She +drew the boy a little closer, and, in the pause she patted his hand. +"'Because,' says I," she whispered, tenderly, "'I got a son; and I +_don't want him to do no drinking when he grows up_!'" She paused +again--that the effect of the words and of the caress might not be +interrupted. "'Come off!' says Lord Wychester," she went on; "'you +haven't got no son.' 'You wouldn't think to look at me,' says I, 'that +I got a son seven years old the twenty-third of last month.' 'To the +tall timber!' says he. 'You're too young and pretty. I'll give you a +thousand dollars for a kiss.' 'No, you don't!' says I. 'Why not?' +says he. 'Because,' says I, 'you don't.' 'I'll give you two +thousand,' says he." + +She was interrupted by the boy; his arms were anxiously stealing round +her neck. + +"'Three thousand!' says he." + +"Mother," the boy whispered, "did you give it to him?" + +Again, she drew him to her: as all mothers will, when, in the twilight, +they tell tales to their children, and the climax approaches. + +"'Four thousand!' says he." + +"Mother," the boy implored, "tell me quick! What did you say?" + +"'Lord Wychester,' says I, 'I don't give kisses,' says I, 'because my +son doesn't want me to do no such thing! No, sir! Not for a million +dollars!'" + +She was then made happy by his rapturous affection; and she now first +perceived--in a benighted way--that virtue was more appealing to him +than the sum of her physical attractions. Upon this new thought she +pondered. She was unable to reduce it to formal terms, to be sure; but +she felt a new delight, a new hope, and was uplifted, though she knew +not why. Later--at the crisis of their lives--the perception returned +with sufficient strength to illuminate her way.... + + +Presently the boy broke in upon her musing. "It was blondes Lord +Wychester liked," he remarked, with pride; "wasn't it, mother?" + +"Slim blondes," she corrected. + +"Bleached blondes?" + +She was appalled by the disclosure; and she was taken unaware: nor did +she dare discover the extent, the significance, of this new +sophistication, nor whence it came, lest she be all at once involved in +a tangle of explanation, from which there could be no sure issue. She +sighed; her head drooped, until it rested on his shoulder, her wet +lashes against his cheek--despairing, helpless. + +"What makes you sad?" he asked. + +Then she gathered impetuous courage. She must be calm, she knew; but +she must divert him. "See," she began, "what it says about your mother +in the paper!" She ran her finger down a long column of the fulsome +description of the great Multon ball--the list of fashionables, the +costumes. "Here it is! 'She was the loveliest woman at the dance.' +That's me. 'All the men said so. What if she is a bleached blonde? +Some people says that bleached blondes is no good. It's a lie!'" she +cried, passionately, to the bewilderment of the boy. "'God help them! +There's honest people everywhere.' Are you listening? Here's more +about me. 'She does the best she can. Maybe she _don't_ amount to +much, maybe she _is_ a bleached blonde; but she does the best she can. +She never done no wrong in all her life. She loves her son too much +for that. Oh, she loves her son! She'd rather die than have him feel +ashamed of her. There isn't a better woman in the world, There isn't a +better mother----'" + +He clapped his hands. + +"Don't you believe it?" she demanded. "Don't you believe what the +paper says?" + +"It's true!" he cried. "It's all true!" + +"How do you know," she whispered, intensely, "that it's all true?" + +"I--just--_feel_ it!" + +They were interrupted by the clock. It struck seven times.... + + +In great haste and alarm she put him from her knee; and she caught up +her hat and cloak, and kissed him, and ran out, calling back her +good-night, again and again, as she clattered down the stairs.... In +the streets of the place to which she hurried, there were flaming +lights, the laughter of men and flaunting women, the crash and rumble +and clang of night-traffic, the blatant clamour of the pleasures of +night; shuffling, blear-eyed derelicts of passion, creeping beldames, +peevish children, youth consuming itself; rags and garish jewels, +hunger, greasy content--a confusion of wretchedness, of greed and grim +want, of delirious gaiety, of the sins that stalk in darkness.... +Through it all she brushed, unconscious--lifted from it by the magic of +this love: dwelling only upon the room that overlooked the river, and +upon the child within; remembering the light in his eyes and the +tenderness of his kiss. + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _A Garden of Lies_] + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _The Celebrity in Love_] + + + + +_THE CELEBRITY IN LOVE_ + +While the boy sat alone, in wistful idleness, there came a knock at the +door--a pompous rat-tat-tat, with a stout tap-tap or two added, once +and for all to put the quality of the visitor beyond doubt. The door +was then cautiously pushed ajar to admit the head of the personage thus +impressively heralded. And a most extraordinary head it was--of +fearsome aspect; nothing but long and intimate familiarity could resign +the beholder to the unexpected appearance of it. Long, tawny hair, now +sadly unkempt, fell abundantly from crown to shoulders; and hair as +tawny, as luxuriantly thick, almost as long, completely covered the +face, from every part of which it sprang, growing shaggy and rank at +the eyebrows, which served to ambush two sharp little eyes: so that the +whole bore a precise resemblance to an ill-natured Skye terrier. It is +superfluous to add that this was at once the face and the fortune of +Toto, the Dog-faced Man, known in private life, to as many intimates as +a jealous profession can tolerate, as Mr. Poddle: for the present +disabled from public appearance by the quality of the air supplied to +the exhibits at Hockley's Musee, his lungs being, as he himself +expressed it, "not gone, by no means, but gittin' restless." + +"Mother gone?" asked the Dog-faced Man. + +"She has gone, Mr. Poddle," the boy answered, "to dine with the Mayor." + +"Oh!" Mr. Poddle ejaculated. + +"Why do you say that?" the boy asked, frowning uneasily. "You always +say, 'Oh!'" + +"Do I? 'Oh!' Like that?" + +"Why do you do it?" + +"Celebrities," replied Mr. Poddle, testily, entering at that moment, +"is not accountable. Me bein' one, don't ask me no questions." + +"Oh!" said the boy. + +Mr. Poddle sat himself in a chair by the window: and there began to +catch and vent his breath; but whether in melancholy sighs or snorts of +indignation it was impossible to determine. Having by these violent +means restored himself to a state of feeling more nearly normal, he +trifled for a time with the rings flashing on his thin, white fingers, +listlessly brushed the dust from the skirt of his rusty frock coat, +heaved a series of unmistakable sighs: whereupon--and by this strange +occupation the boy was quite fascinated--he drew a little comb, a +little brush, a little mirror, from his pocket; and having set up the +mirror in a convenient place, he proceeded to dress his hair, with +particular attention to the eyebrows, which, by and by, he tenderly +braided into two limp little horns: so that 'twas not long before he +looked much less like a frowsy Skye terrier, much more like an owl. + +"The hour, Richard," he sighed, as he deftly parted his hair in the +middle of his nose, "has came!" + +With such fond and hopeless feeling were these enigmatical words +charged that the boy could do nothing but heave a sympathetic sigh. + +"You see before you, Richard, what you never seen before. A man in the +clutches," Mr. Poddle tragically pursued, giving a vicious little twist +to his left eyebrow, "of the tender passion!" + +"Oh!" the boy muttered. + +"'Fame,'" Mr. Poddle continued, improvising a newspaper head-line, to +make himself clear, "'No Shield Against the Little God's Darts.' Git +me? The high and the low gits the arrows in the same place." + +"Does it--hurt?" + +"Hurt!" cried Mr. Poddle, furiously. "It's perfectly excrugiating! +Hurt? Why----" + +"Mr. Poddle, excuse me," the boy interrupted, "but you are biting your +mustache." + +"Thanks," said Mr. Poddle, promptly. "Glad to know it. Can't afford +to lose no more hirsute adornment. And I'm give to ravagin' it in +moments of excitement, especially sorrow. Always tell me." + +"I will," the boy gravely promised. + +"The Pink-eyed Albino," Mr. Poddle continued, now released from the +necessity of commanding his feelings, in so far as the protection of +his hair was concerned, "was fancy; the Circassian Beauty was +fascination; the Female Sampson was the hallugination of sky-blue +tights; but the Mexican Sword Swallower," he murmured, with a +melancholy wag, "is----" + +"Mr. Poddle," the boy warned, "you are--at it again." + +"Thanks," said Mr. Poddle, hastily eliminating the danger. "What I was +about to remark," was his lame conclusion, "was that the Mexican Sword +Swallower is _love_." + +"Oh!" + +The Dog-faced Man snapped a sigh in two. "Richard," he insinuated +suspiciously, "what you sayin', 'Oh!' for?" + +"Wasn't the Bearded Lady, love?" + +"Love!" laughed Mr. Poddle. "Ha, ha! Far from it! Not so! The +Bearded Lady was the snare of ambition. 'Marriage Arranged Between the +Young Duke of Blueblood and the Daughter of the Clothes-pin King. +Millions of the Higgleses to Repair the Duke's Shattered Fortunes.' +Git me? 'Wedding of the Bearded Lady and the Dog-faced Man. Sunday +Afternoon at Hockley's Popular Musee. No Extra Charge for Admission. +Fabulous Quantity of Human Hair on Exhibition At the Same Instant. +Hirsute Wonders To Tour the Country at Enormous Expense.' Git me? +Same thing. Love? Ha, ha! Not so! There's no more love in _that_," +Mr. Poddle concluded, bitterly, "than----" + +"Mr. Poddle, you are----" + +"Thanks," faltered Mr. Poddle. "As I was about to remark when +you--ah--come to the rescue--love is froze out of high life. Us +natural phenomenons is the slaves of our inheritages." + +"But you said the Bearded Lady was love at last!" + +"'Duke Said To Be Madly In Love With the American Beauty,'" Mr. Poddle +composedly replied. + +"I don't quite--get you?" + +"Us celebrities has our secrets. High life is hollow. Public must be +took into account. 'Sacrificed On His Country's Altar.' Git me? +'Good of the Profession.' Broken hearts--and all that." + +"Would you have broken the Bearded Lady's heart?" + +Mr. Poddle was by this recalled to his own lamentable condition. "I've +gone and broke my own," he burst out; "for I'm give to understand that +the lovely Sword Swallower is got entangled with a tattooed man. Not," +Mr. Poodle hastily added, "with a _real_ tattooed man! Not by no +means! Far from it! _He's only half done!_ Git me? His legs is +finished; and I'm give to understand that the Chinese dragon on his +back is gettin' near the end of its tail. There _may_ be a risin' sun +on his chest, and a snake drawed out on his waist; of that I've heard +rumors, but I ain't had no reports. Not," said Mr. Poddle, +impressively, "what you might call undenigeable reports. And Richard," +he whispered, in great excitement and contempt, "that there half-cooked +freak won't be done for a year! He's bein' worked over on the +installment plan. And I'm give to understand that she'll wait! Oh, +wimmen!" the Dog-faced Man apostrophized. "Took by shapes and +complexions----" + +"Mr. Poddle, excuse me," the boy interrupted, diffidently, "but your +eyebrow----" + +"Thanks," Mr. Poddle groaned, his frenzy collapsing. "As I was about +to say, wimmen is like arithmetic; there ain't a easy sum in the book." + +"Mr. Poddle!" + +"Thanks," said Mr. Poddle, in deep disgust. "Am I at it again? +O'erwhelming grief! This here love will be the ruin of me. 'Bank +Cashier Defaulted For a Woman.' I've lost more priceless strands since +I seen that charming creature than I'll get back in a year. I've bit +'em off! I've tore 'em out! If this here goes on I'll be a Hairless +Wonder in a month. 'Suicided For Love.' Same thing exactly. And +what's worse," he continued, dejectedly, "the objeck of my adoration +don't look at it right. She takes me for a common audience. No regard +for talent. No appreciation for hair in the wrong place. 'Genius +Jilted By A Factory Girl.' And she takes that manufactured article of +a tattooed man for a regular platform attraction! Don't seem to +_know_, Richard, that freaks is born, not made. What's fame, anyhow?" + +The boy did not know. + +"Why, cuss me!" the Dog-faced Man exploded, "she treats me as if I was +dead-headed into the Show!" + +"Excuse me, but----" + +"Thanks. God knows, Richard, I ain't in love with her throat and +stummick. It ain't because the one's unequalled for resistin' +razor-edged steel and the other stands unrivalled in its capacity for +holdin' cold metal. It ain't her talent, Richard. No, it ain't her +talent. It ain't her beauty. It ain't even her fame. It ain't so +much her massive proportions. It's just the way she darns stockings. +Just the way she sits up there on the platform darnin' them stockings +as if there wasn't no such thing as an admirin' public below. It's +just her _self_. Git me? 'Give Up A Throne To Wed A Butcher's +Daughter.' Understand? Why, God bless you, Richard, if she was a Fiji +Island Cannibal I'd love her just the same!" + +"I think, Mr. Poddle," the boy ventured, "that I'd tell her." + +"I did," Mr. Poddle replied. "Much to my regrets I did. I writ. +Worked up a beautiful piece out of 'The Lightning Letter-writer for +Lovers.' 'Oh, beauteous Sword-Swallower,' I writ, 'pet of the public, +pride of the sideshow, bright particular star in the constellation of +natural phenomenons! One who is not unknown to fame is dazzled by your +charms. He dares to lift his stricken eyes, to give vent to the +tumultuous beatings of his manly bosom, to send you, in fact, this +note. And if you want to know who done it, wear a red rose to-night.' +Well," Mr. Poddle continued, "she seen me give it to the peanut-boy. +And knowin' who it come from, she writ back. She writ," Mr. Poddle +dramatically repeated, "right back." + +The pause was so long, so painful, that the boy was moved to inquire +concerning the answer. + +"It stabs me," said Mr. Poddle. + +"I think I'd like to know," said the boy. + +"'Are you much give,' says she, 'to barkin' in your sleep?'" + +A very real tear left the eye of Mr. Poddle, ran down the hair of his +cheek, changed its course to the eyebrow, and there hung glistening.... + + +It was apparent that the Dog-faced Man's thoughts must immediately be +diverted into more cheerful channels. "Won't you please read to me, +Mr. Poddle," said the boy, "what it says in the paper about my mother?" + +The ruse was effective. Mr. Poddle looked up with a start. "Eh?" he +ejaculated. + +"Won't you?" the boy begged. + +"I been talkin' so much, Richard," Mr. Poddle stammered, turning hoarse +all at once, "that I gone and lost my voice." + +He decamped to his room across the hall without another word. + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _At Midnight_] + + + + +_AT MIDNIGHT_ + +At midnight the boy had long been sound asleep in bed. The lamp was +turned low. It was very quiet in the room--quiet and shadowy in all +the tenement.... And the stair creaked; and footfalls shuffled along +the hall--and hesitated at the door of the place where the child lay +quietly sleeping; and there ceased. There was the rumble of a man's +voice, deep, insistent, imperfectly restrained. A woman protested. +The door was softly opened; and the boy's mother stepped in, moving on +tiptoe, and swiftly turned to bar entrance with her arm. + +"Hist!" she whispered, angrily. "Don't speak so loud. You'll wake the +boy." + +"Let me in, Millie," the man insisted. "Aw, come on, now!" + +"I can't, Jim. You know I can't. Go on home now. Stop that! I won't +marry you. Let go my arm. You'll wake the boy, I tell you!" + +There was a short scuffle: at the end of which, the woman's arm still +barred the door. + +"Here I ain't seen you in three year," the man complained. "And you +won't let me in. That ain't right, Millie. It ain't kind to an old +friend like me. You didn't used to be that way." + +"No," the woman whispered, abstractedly; "there's been a change. I +ain't the same as I used to be." + +"You ain't changed for the better, Millie. No, you ain't." + +"I don't know," she mused. "Sometimes I think not. It ain't because I +don't want you, Jim," she continued, speaking more softly, now, "that I +don't let you in. God knows, I like to meet old friends; but----" + +It was sufficient. The man gently took her arm from the way. He +stepped in--glanced at the sleeping boy, lying still as death, shaded +from the lamp--and turned again to the woman. + +"Don't wake him!" she said. + +They were still standing. The man was short, long-armed, vastly broad +at the shoulders, deep-chested: flashy in dress, dull and kind of +feature--handsome enough, withal. He was an acrobat. Even in the dim +light, he carried the impression of great muscular strength--of grace +and agility. For a moment the woman's eyes ran over his stocky body: +then, spasmodically clenching her hands, she turned quickly to the boy +on the bed; and she moved back from the man, and thereafter regarded +him watchfully. + +"Don't make no difference if I do wake him," he complained. "The boy +knows me." + +"But he don't like you." + +"Aw, Millie!" said he, in reproach. "Come off!" + +"I seen it in his eyes," she insisted. + +The man softly laughed. + +"Don't you laugh no more!" she flashed. "You can't tell a mother what +she sees in her own baby's eyes. I tell you, Jim, he don't like you. +He never did." + +"That's all fancy, Millie. Why, he ain't seen me in three year! And +you can't see nothing in the eyes of a four year old kid. You're too +fond of that boy, anyhow," the man continued, indignantly. "What's got +into you? You ain't forgot that winter night out there in Idaho, have +you? Don't you remember what you said to Dick that night? You said +Dick was to blame, Millie, don't you remember? Remember the doctor +coming to the hotel? I'll never forget how you went on. Never heard a +woman swear like you before. Never seen one go on like you went on. +And when you hit Dick, Millie, for what you said he'd done, I felt bad +for Dick, though I hadn't much cause to care for what happened to him. +Millie, girl, you was a regular wildcat when the doctor told you what +was coming. You didn't want no kid, then!" + +"Don't!" she gasped. "I ain't forgot. But I'm changed, Jim--since +then." + +He moved a step nearer. + +"I ain't the same as I used to be in them days," she went on, staring +at the window, and through the window to the starry night. "And Dick's +dead, now. I don't know," she faltered; "it's all sort of--different." + +"What's gone and changed you, Millie?" + +"I ain't the same!" she repeated. + +"What's changed you?" + +"And I ain't been the same," she whispered, "since I got the boy!" + +In the pause, he took her hand. She seemed not to know it--but let it +lie close held in his great palm. + +"And you won't have nothing to do with me?" he asked. + +"I can't," she answered. "I don't think of myself no more. And the +boy--wouldn't like it." + +"You always said you would, if it wasn't for Dick; and Dick ain't here +no more. There ain't no harm in loving me now." He tried to draw her +to him. "Aw, come on!" he pleaded. "You know you like me." + +She withdrew her hand--shrank from him. "Don't!" she said. "I like +you, Jim. You know I always did. You was always good to me. I never +cared much for Dick. Him and me teamed up pretty well. That was all. +It was always you, Jim, that I cared for. But, somehow, now, I wish +I'd loved Dick--more than I did. I feel different, now. I wish--oh, I +wish--that I'd loved him!" + +The man frowned. + +"He's dead," she continued. "I can't tell him nothing, now. The +chance is gone. But I wish I'd loved him!" + +"He never done much for you." + +"Yes, he did, Jim!" she answered, quickly. "He done all a man can do +for a woman!" + +She was smiling--but in an absent way. The man started. There was a +light in her eyes he had never seen before. + +"He give me," she said, "the boy!" + +"You're crazy about that kid," the man burst out, a violent, disgusted +whisper. "You're gone out of your mind." + +"No, I ain't," she replied, doggedly. "I'm different since I got him. +That's all. And I'd like Dick to know that I look at him different +since he died. I can't love Dick. I never could. But I could thank +him if he was here. Do you mind what I called the boy? I don't call +him Claud now. I call him--Richard. It's all I can do to show Dick +that I'm grateful." + +The man caught his breath--in angry impatience. "Millie," he warned, +"the boy'll grow up." + +She put her hands to her eyes. + +"He'll grow up and leave you. What you going to do then?" + +"I don't know," she sighed. "Just--go along." + +"You'll be all alone, Millie." + +"He loves me!" she muttered. "He'll never leave me!" + +"He's got to, Millie. He's got to be a man. You can't keep him." + +"Maybe I _can't_ keep him," she replied, in a passionate undertone. +"Maybe I _do_ love you. Maybe he'd get to love you, too. But look at +him, Jim! See where he lies?" + +The man turned towards the bed. + +"It's on my side, Jim! Understand? He lies there always till I come +in. Know why?" + +He watched her curiously. + +"He'll wake up, Jim, when I lift him over. That's what he wants. +He'll wake up and say, 'Is that you, mother?' And he'll be asleep +again, God bless him! before I can tell him that it is. My God! Jim, +I can't tell you what it means to come in at night and find him lying +there. That little body of a man! That clean, white soul! I can't +tell you how I feel, Jim. It's something a man can't know. And do you +think he'd stand for you? He'd say he would. Oh, he'd say he would! +He'd look in my eyes, Jim, and he'd find out what I wanted him to say; +and he'd _say_ it. But, Jim, he'd be hurt. Understand? He'd think I +didn't love him any more. He's only a child--and he'd think I didn't +love him. Where'd he sleep, Jim? Alone? He couldn't do it. Don't +you _see_? I can't live with nobody, Jim. And I don't want to. I +don't care for myself no more. I used to, in them days--when you and +me and Dick and the crowd was all together. But I don't--no more!" + +The man stooped, picked a small stocking from the floor, stood staring +at it. + +"I'm changed," the woman repeated, "since I got the boy." + +"I don't know what you'll do, Millie, when he grows up." + +She shook her head. + +"And when he finds out?" + +"That's what I'm afraid of," she whispered, hoarsely. "Somebody'll +tell him--some day. He don't know, now. And I don't want him to know. +He ain't our kind. Maybe it's because I keep him here alone. Maybe +it's because he don't see nobody. Maybe it's just because I love him +so. I don't know. But he ain't like us. It would hurt him to know. +And I can't hurt him. I can't!" + +The man tossed the stocking away. It fell upon a heap of little +under-garments, strewn upon the floor. + +"You're a fool, Millie," said he. "I tell you, he'll leave you. He'll +leave you cold--when he grows up--and another woman comes along." + +She raised her hand to stop him. "Don't say that!" she moaned. "There +won't be no other woman. There can't be. Seems to me I'll want to +kill the first that comes. A woman? What woman? There won't be none." + +"There's _got_ to be a woman." + +"What woman? There ain't a woman in the world fit to--oh," she broke +off, "don't talk of _him_--and a woman!" + +"It'll come, Millie. He's a man--and there's got to be a woman. And +she won't want you. And you'll be too old, then, to----" + +The boy stirred. + +"Hist!" she commanded. + +They waited. An arm was tossed--the boy smiled--there was a sigh. He +was sound asleep again. + +"Millie!" The man approached. She straightened to resist him. "You +love me, don't you?" + +She withdrew. + +"You want to marry me?" + +Still she withdrew; but he overtook her, and caught her hand. She was +now driven to a corner--at bay. Her face was flushed; there was an +irresolute light in her eyes--the light, too, of fear. + +"Go 'way!" she gasped. "Leave me alone!" + +He put his arm about her. + +"Don't!" she moaned. "You'll wake the boy." + +"Millie!" he whispered. + +"Let me go, Jim!" she protested, weakly. "I can't. Oh, leave me +alone! You'll wake the boy. I can't. I'd like to. I--I--I want to +marry you; but I----" + +"Aw, come on!" he pleaded, drawing her close. And he suddenly found +her limp in his arms. "You got to marry me!" he whispered, in triumph. +"By God! you can't help yourself. I got you! I got you!" + +"Oh, let me go!" + +"No, I won't, Millie. I'll never let you go." + +"For God's sake, Jim! Jim--oh, don't kiss me!" + +The boy stirred again--and began to mutter in his sleep. At once the +woman commanded herself. She stiffened--released herself--pushed the +man away. She lifted a hand--until the child lay quiet once more. +There was meantime breathless silence. Then she pointed imperiously to +the door. The man sullenly held his place. She tiptoed to the +door--opened it; again imperiously gestured. He would not stir. + +"I'll go," he whispered, "if you tell me I can come back." + +The boy awoke--but was yet blinded by sleep; and the room was dim-lit. +He rubbed his eyes. The man and the woman stood rigid in the shadow. + +"Is it you, mother?" + +There was no resisting her command--her flashing eyes, the passionate +gesture. The man moved to the door, muttering that he would come +back--and disappeared. She closed the door after him. + +"Yes, dear," she answered. "It is your mother." + +"Was there a man with you?" + +"It was Lord Wychester," she said, brightly, "seeing me home from the +party." + +"Oh!" he yawned. + +"Go to sleep." + +He fell asleep at once. The stair creaked. The tenement was again +quiet.... + + +He was lying in his mother's place in the bed.... She looked out upon +the river. Somewhere, far below in the darkness, the current still ran +swirling to the sea--where the lights go different ways.... The boy +was lying in his mother's place. And before she lifted him, she took +his warm little hand, and kissed his brow, where the dark curls lay +damp with the sweat of sleep. For a long, long time, she sat watching +him through a mist of glad tears. The sight of his face, the outline +of his body under the white coverlet, the touch of his warm flesh: all +this thrilled her inexpressibly. Had she been devout, she would have +thanked God for the gift of a son--and would have found relief.... +When she crept in beside him, she drew him to her, tenderly still +closer, until he was all contained in her arms; and she forgot all +else--and fell asleep, untroubled. + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _At Midnight_] + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _A Meeting by Chance_] + + + + +_A MEETING BY CHANCE_ + +Came, then, into the lives of these two, to work wide and immediate +changes, the Rev. John Fithian, a curate of the Church of the Lifted +Cross--a tall, free-moving, delicately spare figure, clad in spotless +black, with a hint of fashion about it, a dull gold crucifix lying +suspended upon the breast: pale, long of face, the eye-sockets deep and +shadowy; hollow-cheeked, the bones high and faintly touched with red; +with black, straight, damp hair, brushed back from a smooth brow and +falling in the perfection of neatness to the collar--the whole severe +and forbidding, indeed, but for saving gray eyes, wherein there lurked, +behind the patient agony, often displacing it, a tender smile, +benignant, comprehending, infinitely sympathetic, by which the gloomy +exterior was lightened and in some surprising way gratefully explained. + + +By chance, on the first soft spring day of that year, the Rev. John +Fithian, returning from the Neighbourhood Settlement, where he had +delighted himself with good deeds, done of pure purpose, came near the +door of the Box Street tenement, distributing smiles, pennies, +impulsive, genuine caresses, to the children as he went, tipping their +faces, patting their heads, all in the rare, unquestioned way, being +not alien to the manner of the poor. A street piano, at the corner, +tinkled an air to which a throng of ragged, lean little girls danced in +the yellow sunshine, dodging trucks and idlers and impatient +pedestrians with unconcern, colliding and tripping with utmost good +nature. The curate was arrested by the voice of a child, singing to +the corner accompaniment--low, in the beginning, brooding, tentative, +but in a moment rising sure and clear and tender. It was not hard for +the Rev. John Fithian to slip a cassock and surplice upon this wistful +child, to give him a background of lofty arches and stained windows, to +frame the whole in shadows. And, lo! in the chancel of the Church of +the Lifted Cross there stood an angel, singing. + +The boy looked up, a glance of suspicion, of fear; but he was at once +reassured: there was no guile in the smiling gray eyes of the +questioner. + +"I am waiting," he answered, "for my mother. She will be home soon." + +In a swift, penetrating glance, darting far and deep, dwelling briefly, +the curate discovered the pathos of the child's life--the unknowing, +patient outlook, the vague sense of pain, the bewilderment, the wistful +melancholy, the hopeful determination. + +"You, too!" he sighed. + +The expression of kindred was not comprehended; but the boy was not +disquieted by the sigh, by the sudden extinguishment of the beguiling +smile. + +"She has gone," he continued, "to the wedding of Sir Arthur Coll and +Miss Stillison. She will have a very good time." + +The curate came to himself with a start and a gasp. + +"She's a bridesmaid," the boy added. + +"Oh!" ejaculated the curate. + +"Why do you say, 'Oh!'" the boy complained, frowning. "Everybody says +that," he went on, wistfully; "and I don't know why." + +The curate was a gentleman--acute and courteous. "A touch of +indigestion," he answered, promptly, laying a white hand on his black +waistcoat. "Oh! There it is again!" + +"Stomach ache?" + +"Well, you might call it that." + +The boy was much concerned. "If you come up-stairs," said he, +anxiously, "I'll give you some medicine. Mother keeps it for me." + +Thus, presently, the curate found himself top-floor rear, in the room +that overlooked the broad river, the roofs of the city beyond, the +misty hills: upon which the fading sunshine now fell. And having +gratefully swallowed the dose, with a broad, persistent smile, he was +given a seat by the window, that the beauty of the day, the +companionship of the tiny craft on the river, the mystery of the +far-off places, might distract and comfort him. From the boy, sitting +upright and prim on the extreme edge of a chair, his feet on the rung, +his hands on his knees, proceeded a stream of amiable chatter--not the +less amiable for being grave--to which the curate, compelled to his +best behavior, listened with attention as amiable, as grave: and this +concerned the boats, afloat below, the lights on the river, the child's +mother, the simple happenings of his secluded life. So untaught was +this courtesy, spontaneous, native--so did it spring from natural wish +and perception--that the curate was soon more mystified than +entertained; and so did the curate's smile increase in gratification +and sympathy that the child was presently off the chair, lingering half +abashed in the curate's neighbourhood, soon seated familiarly upon his +knee, toying with the dull gold crucifix. + +"What's this?" he asked. + +"It is the symbol," the curate answered, "of the sacrifice of our dear +Lord and Saviour." + +There was no meaning in the words; but the boy held the cross very +tenderly, and looked long upon the face of the Man there in +torture--and was grieved and awed by the agony.... + + +In the midst of this, the boy's mother entered. She stopped dead +beyond the threshold--warned by the unexpected presence to be upon her +guard. Her look of amazement changed to a scowl of suspicion. The +curate put the boy from his knee. He rose--embarrassed. There was a +space of ominous silence. + +"What you doing here?" the woman demanded. + +"Trespassing." + +She was puzzled--by the word, the smile, the quiet voice. The whole +was a new, nonplussing experience. Her suspicion was aggravated. + +"What you been telling the boy? Eh? What you been saying about me? +Hear me? Ain't you got no tongue?" She turned to the frightened +child. "Richard," she continued, her voice losing all its quality of +anger, "what lies has this man been telling you about your poor mother?" + +The boy kept a bewildered silence. + +"What you been lying about?" the woman exclaimed, advancing upon the +curate, her eyes blazing. + +"I have been telling," he answered, still gravely smiling, "the truth." + +Her anger was halted--but she was not pacified. + +"Telling," the curate repeated, with a little pause, "the truth." + +"You been talking about _me_, eh?" + +"No; it was of your late husband." + +She started. + +"I am a curate of the Church of the Lifted Cross," the curate +continued, with unruffled composure, "and I have been telling the exact +truth concerning----" + +"You been lying!" the woman broke in. "Yes, you have!" + +"No--not so," he insisted. "The exact truth concerning the funeral of +Dick Slade from the Church of the Lilted Cross. Your son has told me +of his father's death--of the funeral, And I have told your son that I +distinctly remember the occasion. I have told him, moreover," he +added, putting a hand on the boy's shoulder, his eyes faintly +twinkling, "that his father was--ah--as I recall him--of most +distinguished appearance." + +She was completely disarmed. + + +When, after an agreeable interval, the Rev. John Fithian took his +leave, the boy's mother followed him from the room, and closed the door +upon the boy. "I'm glad," she faltered, "that you didn't give me away. +It was--kind. But I'm sorry you lied--like that. You didn't have to, +you know. He's only a child. It's easy to fool him. _You_ wouldn't +have to lie. But I _got_ to lie. It makes him happy--and there's +things he mustn't know. He _must_ be happy. I can't stand it when he +ain't. It hurts me so. But," she added, looking straight into his +eyes, gratefully, "you didn't have to lie. And--it was kind." Her +eyes fell. "It was--awful kind." + +"I may come again?" + +She stared at the floor. "Come again?" she muttered. "I don't know." + +"I should very much like to come." + +"What do you want?" she asked, looking up. "It ain't _me_, is it?" + +The curate shook his head. + +"Well, what do you want? I thought you was from the Society. I +thought you was an agent come to take him away because I wasn't fit to +keep him. But it ain't that. And it ain't _me_. What is it you want, +anyhow?" + +"To come again." + +She turned away. He patiently waited. All at once she looked into his +eyes, long, deep, intensely--a scrutiny of his very soul. + +"You got a good name to keep, ain't you?" she asked. + +"Yes," he answered. "And you?" + +"It don't matter about me." + +"And I may come?" + +"Yes," she whispered. + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _Renunciation_] + + + + +_RENUNCIATION_ + +After that the curate came often to the room in the Box Street +tenement; but beyond the tenants of top floor rear he did not allow the +intimacy to extend--not even to embrace the quaintly love-lorn Mr. +Poddle. It was now summer; the window was open to the west wind, +blowing in from the sea. Most the curate came at evening, when the +breeze was cool and clean, and the lights began to twinkle in the +gathering shadows: then to sit at the window, describing unrealities, +not conceived in the world of the listeners; and these new and +beautiful thoughts, melodiously voiced in the twilight, filled the +hours with wonder and strange delight. Sometimes, the boy sang--his +mother, too, and the curate: a harmony of tender voices, lifted softly. +And once, when the songs were all sung, and the boy had slipped away to +the comfort of Mr. Poddle, who was now ill abed with his restless +lungs, the curate turned resolutely to the woman. + +"I want the boy's voice," he said. + +She gave no sign of agitation. "His voice?" she asked, quietly. +"Ain't the boy's _self_ nothing to your church?" + +"Not," he answered, "to the church." + +"Not to you?" + +"It is very much," he said, gravely, "to me." + +"Well?" + +He lifted his eyebrows--in amazed comprehension. "I must say, then," +he said, bending eagerly towards her, "that I want the boy?" + +"The boy," she answered. + +For a little while she was silent--vacantly contemplating the bare +floor. There had been no revelation. She was not taken unaware. She +had watched his purpose form. Long before, she had perceived the issue +approaching, and had bravely met it. But it was all now definite and +near. She found it hard to command her feeling--bitter to cut the +trammels of her love for the child. + +"You got to pay, you know," she said, looking up. "Boy sopranos is +scarce. You can't have him cheap." + +"Of course!" he hastened to say. "The church will pay." + +"Money? It ain't money I want." + +To this there was nothing to say. The curate was in the dark--and +quietly awaited enlightenment. + +"Take him!" she burst out, rising. "My God! just you take him. That's +all I want. Understand me? I want to get rid of him." + +He watched her in amazement. For a time she wandered about the room, +distraught, quite aimless: now tragically pausing; now brushing her +hand over her eyes--a gesture of weariness and despair. Then she faced +him. + +"Take him," she said, her voice hoarse. "Take him away from me. I +ain't fit to have him. Understand? He's got to grow up into a man. +And I can't teach him how. Take him. Take him altogether. Make +him--like yourself. Before you come," she proceeded, now feverishly +pacing the floor, "I never knew that men was good. No man ever looked +in my eyes the way you do. I know them--oh, I know them! And when my +boy grows up, I want him to look in the eyes of women the way you +look--in mine. Just that! Only that! If only, oh, if only my son +will look in the eyes of women the way you look in mine! Understand? +I _want_ him to. But I can't teach him how. I don't know enough. I +ain't good enough." + +The curate rose. + +"You can't take his voice and leave his soul," she went on. "You got +to take his soul. You got to make it--like your own." + +"Not like mine!" + +"Just," she said, passionately, "like yours. Don't you warn me!" she +flashed. "I know the difference between your soul and mine. I know +that when his soul is like yours he won't love me no more. But I can't +help that. I got to do without him. I got to live my life--and let +him live his. It's the way with mothers and sons. God help the +mothers! It's the way of the world.... And he'll go with you," she +added. "I'll get him so he'll be glad to go. It won't be nice to +do--but I can do it. Maybe you think I can't. Maybe you think I love +him too much. It ain't that I love him too much. It's because I love +him _enough_!" + +"You offer the boy to me?" + +"Will you take him--voice and soul?" + +"I will take him," said the curate, "soul and voice." + +She began at once to practice upon the boy's love for her--this +skillfully, persistently: without pity for herself or him. She sighed, +wept, sat gloomy for hours together: nor would she explain her sorrow, +but relentlessly left it to deal with his imagination, by which it was +magnified and touched with the horror of mystery. It was not +hard--thus to feign sadness, terror, despair: to hint misfortune, +parting, unalterable love. Nor could the boy withstand it; by this +depression he was soon reduced to a condition of apprehension and grief +wherein self-sacrifice was at one with joyful opportunity. Dark days, +these--hours of agony, premonition, fearful expectation. And when they +had sufficiently wrought upon him, she was ready to proceed. + +One night she took him in her lap, in the old close way, in which he +loved to be held, and sat rocking, for a time, silently. + +"Let us talk, dear," she said. + +"I think I'm too sick," he sighed. "I just want to lie here--and not +talk." + +He had but expressed her own desire--to have him lie there: not to +talk, but just to feel him lying in her arms. + +"We must," she said. + +Something in her voice--something distinguishable from the recent days +as deep and real--aroused the boy. He touched the lashes of her +eyes--and found them wet. + +"Why are you crying?" he asked. "Oh, tell me, mother! Tell me _now_!" + +She did not answer. + +"I'm sick," he muttered. "I--I--think I'm very sick." + +"Something has happened, dear," she said. "I'm going to tell you +what." She paused--and in the pause felt his body grow tense in a +familiar way. For a moment the prospect frightened her. She felt, +vaguely, that she was playing with that which was infinitely +delicate--which might break in her very hands, and leave her desolate. +"You know, dear," she continued, faltering, "we used to be very rich. +But we're not, any more." It was a poor lie--she realized that: and +was half ashamed. "We're very poor, now," she went on, hurriedly. "A +man broke into the bank and stole all your mother's gold and diamonds +and lovely dresses. She hasn't anything--any more." She had conceived +a vast contempt for the lie; she felt that it was a weak, unpracticed +thing--but she knew that it was sufficient: for he had never yet +doubted her. "So I don't know what she'll do," she concluded, weakly. +"She will have to stop having good times, I guess. She will have to go +to work." + +He straightened in her lap. "No, no!" he cried, gladly. "_I'll_ work!" + +Her impulse was to express her delight in his manliness, her triumphant +consciousness of his love--to kiss him, to hug him until he cried out +with pain. But she restrained all this--harshly, pitilessly. She had +no mercy upon herself. + +"I'll work!" he repeated. + +"How?" she asked. "You don't know how." + +"Teach me." + +She laughed--an ironical little laugh: designed to humiliate him. +"Why," she exclaimed, "I don't know how to teach you!" + +He sighed. + +"But," she added, significantly, "the curate knows." + +"Then," said he, taking hope, "the curate will teach me." + +"Yes; but----" + +"But what? Tell me quick, mother!" + +"Well," she hesitated, "the curate is so busy. Anyhow, dear," she +continued, "I would have to work. We are very poor. You see, dear, it +takes a great deal of money to buy new clothes for you. And, then, +dear, you see----" + +He waited--somewhat disturbed by the sudden failure of her voice. It +was all becoming bitter to her, now; she found it hard to continue. + +"You see," she gasped, "you eat--quite a bit." + +"I'll not eat much," he promised. "And I'll not want new clothes. And +it won't take long for the curate to teach me how to work." + +She would not agree. + +"Tell me!" he commanded. + +"Yes," she said; "but the curate says he wants you to live with him." + +"Would you come, too?" + +"No," she answered. + +He did not yet comprehend. "Would I go--alone?" + +"Yes." + +"All alone?" + +"Alone!" + +Quiet fell upon all the world--in the twilighted room, in the tenement, +in the falling night without, where no breeze moved. The child sought +to get closer within his mother's arms, nearer to her bosom--then +stirred no more. The lights were flashing into life on the +river--wandering aimlessly: but yet drifting to the sea.... Some one +stumbled past the door--grumbling maudlin wrath. + +"There is no other way," the mother said. + +There was no response--a shiver, subsiding at once: no more than that. + +"And I would go to see you--quite often." + +She tried to see his face; but it was hid against her. + +"It would be better," she whispered, "for you." + +"Oh, mother," he sobbed, sitting back in her lap, "what would you do +without me?" + +It was a crucial question--so appealing in unselfish love, so vividly +portraying her impending desolation, that for an instant her resolution +departed. What would she do without him? God knew! But she commanded +herself. + +"I would not have to work," she said. + +He turned her face to the light--looked deep in her eyes, searching for +the truth. She met his glance without wavering. Then, discerning the +effect, deliberately, when his eyes were alight with filial love and +concern, at the moment when the sacrifice was most clear and most +poignant, she lied. + +"I would be happier," she said, "without you." + +A moan escaped him. + +"Will you go with the curate?" she asked. + +"Yes." + +He fell back upon her bosom.... + + +There was no delay. 'Twas all done in haste. The night came. Gently +the curate took the child from her arms. + +"Good-bye," she said. + +"I said I would not cry, mother," he faltered. "I am not crying." + +"Good-bye, dear." + +"Mother, I am not crying." + +"You are very brave," she said, discovering his wish. "Good-bye. Be a +good boy." + +He took the curate's hand. They moved to the door--but there turned +and lingered. While the child looked upon his mother, bravely calling +a smile to his face, that she might be comforted, there crept into his +eyes, against his will, some reproach. Perceiving this, she staggered +towards him, but halted at the table, which she clutched: and there +stood, her head hanging forward, her body swaying. Then she levelled a +finger at the curate. + +"Take him away, you damn fool!" she screamed. + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _Renunciation_] + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _In the Current_] + + + + +_IN THE CURRENT_ + +Seven o'clock struck. It made no impression upon her. Eight +o'clock--nine o'clock. It was now dark. Ten o'clock. She did not +hear. Still at the window, her elbow on the sill, her chin resting in +her hand, she kept watch on the river--but did not see the river: but +saw the sea, wind-tossed and dark, where the lights go wide apart. +Eleven o'clock. Ghostly moonlight filled the room. The tenement, +restless in the summer heat, now sighed and fell asleep. Twelve +o'clock. She had not moved: nor dared she move. There was a knock at +the door--a quick step behind her. She turned in alarm. + +"Millie!" + +She rose. Voice and figure were well known to her. She started +forward--but stopped dead. + +"Is it you, Jim?" she faltered. + +"Yes, Millie. It's me--come back. You don't feel the way you did +before, do you, girl?" He suddenly subdued his voice--as though +recollecting a caution. "You ain't going to send me away, are you?" he +asked. + +"Go 'way!" she complained. "Leave me alone." + +He came nearer. + +"Give me a show, Jim," she begged. "Go 'way. It ain't fair to +come--now. Hear me?" she cried, in protest against his nearer +approach, her voice rising shrilly. "It ain't fair----" + +"Hist!" he interrupted. "You'll wake the----" + +She laughed harshly. "Wake what?" she mocked. "Eh, Jim? What'll I +wake?" + +"Why, Millie!" he exclaimed. "You'll wake the boy." + +"Boy!" she laughed. "What boy? There ain't no boy. Look here!" she +cried, rushing impetuously to the bed, throwing back the coverlet, +wildly tossing the pillows to the floor. "What'll I wake? Eh, Jim? +Where's the boy I'll wake?" She turned upon him. "What you saying +'Hist!' for? Hist!" she mocked, with a laugh. "Talk as loud as you +like, Jim. You don't need to care what you say or how you say it. +There ain't nobody here to mind you. For I tell you," she stormed, +"there ain't no boy--no more!" + +He caught her hand. + +"Let go my hand!" she commanded. "Keep off, Jim! I ain't in no temper +to stand it--to-night." + +He withdrew. "Millie," he asked, in distress, "the boy ain't----" + +"Dead?" she laughed. "No. I give him away. He was different from us. +I didn't have no right to keep him. I give him to a parson. Because," +she added, defiantly, "I wasn't fit to bring him up. And he ain't here +no more," she sighed, blankly sweeping the moonlit room. "I'm all +alone--now." + +"Poor girl!" he muttered. + +She was tempted by this sympathy. "Go home, Jim," she said. "It ain't +fair to stay. I'm all alone, now--and it ain't treating me right." + +"Millie," he answered, "you ain't treating yourself right." + +She flung out her arms--in dissent and hopelessness. + +"No, you ain't," he continued. "You've give him up. You're all alone. +You can't go on--alone. Millie, girl," he pleaded, softly, "I want +you. Come to me!" + +She wavered. + +"Come to me!" he repeated, his voice tremulous, his arms extended. +"You're all alone. You've lost him. Come to me!" + +"Lost him?" she mused. "No--not that. If I'd lost him, Jim, I'd take +you. If ever he looked in my eyes--as if I'd lost him--I'd take you. +I've give him up; but I ain't lost him. Maybe," she proceeded, +eagerly, "when the time comes, he'll not give me up. He loves me, Jim; +he'll not forget. I know he's different from us. You can't tell a +mother nothing about such things as that. God!" she muttered, clasping +her hands, "how strangely different he is. And every day he'll change. +Every day he'll be--more different. That's what I want. That's why I +give him up. To make him--more different! But maybe," she continued, +her voice rising with the intensity of her feeling, "when he grows up, +and the time comes--maybe, Jim, when he can't be made no more +different--maybe, when I go to him, man grown--are you +listening?--maybe, when I ask him if he loves me, he'll remember! +Maybe, he'll take me in. Lost him?" she asked. "How do you know that? +Go to you, Jim? Go to you, now--when he might take me in if I wait? I +can't! Don't you understand? When the time comes, he might ask +me--where you was." + +"You're crazy, Millie," the man protested. "You're just plain crazy." + +"Crazy? Maybe, I am. To love and hope! Crazy? Maybe, I am. But, +Jim, mothers is all that way." + +"All that way?" he asked, regarding her with a speculative eye. + +"Mothers," she repeated, "is all that way." + +"Well," said he, swiftly advancing, "lovers isn't." + +"Keep back!" she cried. + +"No, I won't." + +"You'll make a cat of me. I warn you, Jim!" + +"You can't keep me off. You said you loved me. You do love me. You +can't help yourself. You got to marry me." + +She retreated. "Leave me alone!" she screamed. "I can't. Don't you +see how it is? Quit that, now, Jim! You ain't fair. Take your arms +away. God help me! I love you, you great big brute! You know I do. +You ain't fair.... Stop! You hurt me." She was now in his arms--but +still resisting. "Leave me alone," she whimpered. "You hurt me. You +ain't fair. You know I love you--and you ain't fair.... Oh, God +forgive me! Don't do that again, Jim. Stop! Let me go. For God's +sake, stop kissing me! I like you, Jim. I ain't denying that. But +let me go.... Please, Jim! Don't hold me so tight. It ain't fair.... +Oh, it ain't fair...." + +She sank against his broad breast; and there she lay helpless--bitterly +sobbing. + +"Don't cry, Millie!" he whispered. + +Still she sobbed. + +"Oh, don't cry, girl!" he repeated, tenderly. "It's all right. I +won't hurt you. You love me, and I love you. That's all right, +Millie. What's the matter with you, girl? Lift your face, won't you?" + +"No, no!" + +"Why not, Millie?" + +"I don't know," she whispered. "I think I'm--ashamed." + +There was no longer need to hold her fast. His arms relaxed. She did +not move from them. And while they stood thus, in the moonlight, +falling brightly through the window, he stroked her hair, murmuring, +the while, all the reassuring words at his command. + +"The boy's gone," he said, at last. "You'd be all alone without me. +He ain't here. But he's well looked after, Millie. Don't you fret +about him. By this time he's sound asleep." + +She slipped from his embrace. He made no effort to detain her: +conceiving her secure in his possession. A moment she stood staring at +the floor, lost to her surroundings: then quickly turned to look upon +him--her face aglow with some high tenderness. + +"Asleep?" she asked, her voice low, tremulous. + +"Sound asleep." + +"How do you know that he's asleep?" she pursued. "Asleep? No; he +ain't asleep." She paused--now woebegone. "He's wide awake--waiting," +she went on. "He's waiting--just like he used to do--for me to come +in.... He's awake. Oh, sore little heart! He's lying alone in the +dark--waiting. And his mother will not come.... Last night, Jim, when +I come in, he was there in the bed, awake and waiting. 'Oh, mother,' +says he, 'I'm glad you're come at last. I been waiting so long. It's +lonesome here in the dark without you. And to-morrow I'll wake, and +wait, and wait; but you will not come!' He's awake, Jim. Don't you +tell me no different. The pillow's wet with his tears.... Lonely +child--waiting for me! Oh, little heart of my baby! Oh, sore little +heart!" + +"Millie!" + +"It ain't no use no more, Jim. You better go home. I'm all alone. My +child's not here. But--he's somewhere. And it's him I love." + +The man sighed and went away.... + + +Left alone, she put the little room in order and made the bed, blinded +by tears, her steps uncertain: muttering incoherently of her child, +whimpering broken snatches of lullaby songs. When there was no more +work left for her hands to do, she staggered to the bureau, and from +the lower drawer took a great, flaunting doll, which she had there +kept, poor soul! against the time when her arms would be empty, her +bosom aching for a familiar weight upon it. And for a time she sat +rocking the cold counterfeit, crooning, faintly singing, caressing it; +but she had known the warmth, the sweet restlessness, the soft, +yielding form of the living child, and could not be content. +Presently, in a surge of disgust, she flung the substitute violently +from her. + +"It ain't no baby," she moaned, putting her hands to her face. "It's +only a doll!" + +She sank limp to the floor. There she lay prone--the moonlight falling +softly upon her, but healing her not at all. + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _In the Current_] + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _The Chorister_] + + + + +_THE CHORISTER_ + +The Rev. John Fithian lived alone with a man-servant in a +wide-windowed, sombre, red old house, elbowed by tenements, near the +Church of the Lifted Cross--once a fashionable quarter: now mean, +dejected, incongruously thronged, and fast losing the last appearances +of respectability. Sombre without--half-lit, silent, vast within: the +whole intolerant of frivolity, inharmony, garishness, ugliness, but yet +quite free of gloom and ghostly suggestion. The boy tiptoed over the +thick carpets, spoke in whispers, eyed the shadowy corners--sensitive +to impressions, forever alert: nevertheless possessing a fine feeling +of security and hopefulness; still wistful, often weeping in the night, +but not melancholy. Responsive to environment, by nature harmonious +with his new surroundings, he presently moved through the lofty old +rooms with a manner reflecting their own--the same gravity, serenity, +old-fashioned grace: expressing even their stateliness in a quaint and +childish way. Thus was the soil of his heart prepared for the seed of +a great change. + + +By and by the curate enlightened the child concerning sin and the +Vicarious Sacrifice. This was when the leaves were falling from the +trees in the park--a drear, dark night: the wind sweeping the streets +in violent gusts, the rain lashing the windowpanes. Night had come +unnoticed--swiftly, intensely: in the curate's study a change from gray +twilight to firelit shadows. The boy was squatted on the hearth-rug, +disquieted by the malicious beating at the window, glad to be in the +glow of the fire: his visions all of ragged men and women cowering from +the weather. + +"It is time, now," the curate sighed, "that I told you the story." + +"What story?" + +"The story of the Man who died for us." + +The boy turned--in wonderment. "I did not know," he said, quickly, +"that a man had died for us. What was his name? Why did he do it? My +mother never told me that story." + +"I think she does not know it." + +"Then I'll tell her when I learn." + +"Perhaps," said the curate, "she will like to hear it--from you." + +Very gently, then, in his deep, mellifluous voice--while the rain beat +upon the windows, crying out the sorrows of the poor--the curate +unfolded the poignant story: the terms simple, the recital clear, +vivid, complete.... And to the heart of this child the appeal was +immediate and irresistible. + +"And they who sin," the curate concluded, "crucify Him again." + +"I love that Jesus!" the boy sobbed. "I love Him--almost as much as +mother." + +"Almost?" + +The boy misunderstood. He felt reproved. He flushed--ashamed that the +new love had menaced the old. "No," he answered; "but I love Him very +much." + +"Not as much?" + +"Oh, I could not!" + +The boy was never afterwards the same. All that was inharmonious in +life--the pain and poverty and unloveliness--became as sin: a +continuous crucifixion, hateful, wringing the heart.... + + +Late in the night, when he lay sleepless, sick for his mother's +presence, her voice, her kisses, her soothing touch, the boy would rise +to sit at the window--there to watch shadowy figures flit through the +street-lamp's circle of light. Once he fancied that his mother came +thus out of the night, that for a moment she paused with upturned +glance, then disappeared in woe and haste: returning, halted again; but +came no more.... + + +At rare intervals the boy's mother came to the curate's door. She +would not enter: but timidly waited for her son, and then went with him +to the park, relieved to be away from the wide, still house, her +spirits and self-confidence reviving with every step. One mellow +evening, while they sat together in the dusk, an ill-clad man, gray and +unkempt, shuffled near. + +"Mother," the boy whispered, gripping her hand, "he is looking at us." + +She laughed. "Let him look!" said she. "It don't matter." + +The man staggered to the bench--heavily sat down: limp and shameless, +his head hanging. + +"Let us go away!" the boy pleaded. + +"Why, darling?" his mother asked, puzzled. "What's the matter with +you, anyhow?" She looked at him--realizing some subtle change in him, +bewildered by it: searching eagerly for the nature and cause. "You +didn't used to be like that," she said. + +"I don't like him. He's wicked. He frightens me." + +The man slipped suddenly from the bench--sprawling upon the walk. The +woman laughed. + +"Don't laugh!" the boy exclaimed--a cry of reproach, not free of +indignation. "Oh, mother," he complained, putting her hand to his +cheek, "how could you!" + +She did not answer. The derelict picked himself up, whining in a +maudlin way. + +"How could you!" the boy repeated. + +"Oh," said she, lightly, "he's all right. He won't hurt us." + +"He's wicked!" + +"He's drunk. It don't matter. What's come over you, dear?" + +"I'm afraid," said the boy. "He's sinful." + +"He's only drunk, poor man!" + +High over the houses beyond, the steeple of the Church of the Lifted +Cross pierced the blue-black sky. It was tipped with a blazing +cross--a great cross, flaming in the night: a symbol of sacrifice, a +hope, a protest, raised above the feverish world. To this the boy +looked. It transported him far from the woman whose hand he clutched. + +"They who sin," he muttered, his eyes still turned to the lifted cross, +"crucify the dear Lord again!" + +His mother was both mystified and appalled. She followed his +glance--but saw only the familiar landmark: an illuminated cross, +topping a steeple. + +"For God's sake, Richard!" she demanded, "what you talking about?" + +He did not hear. + +"You ain't sick, are you?" she continued. + +He shook his head. + +"What's the matter with you?" she implored. "Oh, tell your mother!" + +He loosened his hand from her clasp, withdrew it: but instantly caught +her hand again, and kissed it passionately. So much concerned was she +for his physical health that the momentary shrinking escaped her. + +"You're sick," she said. "I know you are. You're singing too much in +the church." + +"No." + +"Then you're eating too much lemon pie," she declared, anxiously. +"You're too fond of that. It upsets your stomach. Oh, Richard! +Shame, dear! I told you not to." + +"You told me not to eat _much_," he said. "So I don't eat any--to make +sure." + +She was aware of the significance of this sacrifice--and kissed him +quickly in fond approval. Then she turned up his coat-sleeve. "The +fool!" she cried. "You got cold. That's what's the matter with you. +Here it is November! And he ain't put your flannels on. That there +curate," she concluded, in disgust, "don't know nothing about raising a +boy." + +"I'm quite well, mother." + +"Then what's the matter with you?" + +"I'm sad!" he whispered. + +She caught him to her breast--blindly misconceiving the meaning of +this: in her ignorance concluding that he longed for her, and was sick +because of that.... And while she held him close, the clock of the +Church of the Lifted Cross chimed seven. In haste she put him down, +kissed him, set him on his homeward way; and she watched him until he +was lost in the dusk and distance of the park. Then, concerned, +bewildered, she made haste to that quarter of the city--that swarming, +flaring, blatant place--where lay her occupation for the night. + +Near Christmas, in a burst of snowy weather, the boy sang his first +solo at the Church of the Lifted Cross: this at evening. His mother, +conspicuously gowned, somewhat overcome by the fashion of the place, +which she had striven to imitate--momentarily chagrined by her +inexplicable failure to be in harmony--seated herself obscurely, where +she had but an infrequent glimpse of his white robe, wistful face, +dark, curling hair. She had never loved him more proudly--never before +realized that his value extended beyond the region of her arms: never +before known that the babe, the child, the growing boy, mothered by +her, nursed at her breast, her possession, was a gift to the world, +sweet and inspiring. "Angels, ever bright and fair!" She felt the +thrill of his tender voice; perceived the impression: the buzz, the +subsiding confusion, the spell-bound stillness. "Take, oh, take me to +your care!" It was in her heart to strike her breasts--to cry out that +this was her son, born of her; her bosom his place.... + +When the departing throng had thinned in the aisle, she stepped from +the pew, and stood waiting. There passed, then, a lady in rich +attire--sweet-faced, of exquisite manner. A bluff, ruddy young man +attended her. + +"Did you like the music?" he asked--a conventional question: everywhere +repeated. + +"Perfectly lovely!" she replied. "A wonderful voice! And such a +pretty child!" + +"I wonder," said he, "who the boy can be?" + +Acting upon ingenuous impulse, the boy's mother overtook the man, +timidly touched his elbow, looked into his eyes, her own bright with +proud love. + +"He is my son," she said. + +The lady turned in amazement. In a brief, appraising glance, she +comprehended the whole woman; the outre gown, the pencilled eyebrows, +the rouged cheeks, the bleached hair. She took the man's arm. + +"Come!" she said. + +The man yielded. He bowed--smiled in an embarrassed way, flushing to +his sandy hair: turned his back. + +"How strange!" the lady whispered. + +The woman was left alone in the aisle--not chagrined by the rebuff, +being used to this attitude, sensitive no longer: but now knowing, for +the first time, that the world into which her child had gone would not +accept her.... The church was empty. The organ had ceased. One by +one the twinkling lights were going out. The boy came bounding down +the aisle. With a glad little cry he leaped into her waiting arms.... + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _The Chorister_] + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _Alienation_] + + + + +_ALIENATION_ + +This night, after a week of impatient expectation, they were by the +curate's permission to spend together in the Box Street tenement. It +was the boy's first return to the little room overlooking the river. +Thither they hurried through the driving snow, leaning to the blasts, +unconscious of the bitterness of the night: the twain in high +spirits--the boy chattering, merrily, incoherently, as he trotted at +his silent mother's side. Very happy, now, indeed, they raced up the +stair, rioting up flight after flight, to top floor rear, where there +was a cheery fire, a kettle bubbling on the stove, a lamp turned low--a +feeling of warmth and repose and welcome, which the broad window, +noisily shaken by a hearty winter wind from the sea, pleasantly +accentuated. + +The gladness of this return, the sudden, overwhelming realization of a +longing that had been agonizing in its intensity, excited the boy +beyond bounds. He gave an indubitable whoop of joy, which so startled +and amazed the woman that she stared open-mouthed; tossed his cap in +the air, flung his overcoat and gloves on the floor, peeped through the +black window-panes, pried into the cupboard, hugged his mother so +rapturously, so embarrassingly, that he tumbled her over and was +himself involved in the hilarious collapse: whereupon, as a measure of +protection while she laid the table, she despatched him across the hall +to greet Mr. Poddle, who was ill abed, anxiously awaiting him. + +The Dog-faced Man was all prinked for the occasion--his hirsute +adornment neatly brushed and braided, smoothly parted from crown over +brow and nose to chin: so that, though, to be sure, his appearance +instantly suggested a porcupine, his sensitive lips and mild gray eyes +were for once allowed to impress the beholder. The air of Hockley's +Musee had at last laid him by the heels. No longer, by any license of +metaphor, could his lungs be said to be merely restless. He was flat +on his back--white, wan, gasping: sweat dampening the hair on his brow. +But he bravely chirked up when the child entered, subdued and pitiful; +and though, in response to a glance of pain and concern, his eyes +overran with the weak tears of the sick, he smiled like a man to whom +Nature had not been cruel, while he pressed the small hand so swiftly +extended. + +"I'm sick, Richard," he whispered. "'Death No Respecter of Persons.' +Git me? 'High and Low Took By the Grim Reaper.' I'm awful sick." + +The boy, now seated on the bed, still holding the ghastly hand, hoped +that Mr. Poddle would soon be well. + +"No," said the Dog-faced Man. "I won't. 'Climax of a Notable Career.' +Git me? It wouldn't--be proper." + +Not proper? + +"No, Richard. It really wouldn't be proper. 'Dignified in Death.' +Understand? Distinguished men has their limits. 'Outlived His Fame.' +I really couldn't stand it. Git me?" + +"Not--quite." + +"Guess I'll have to tell you. Look!" The Dog-faced Man held up his +hand--but swiftly replaced it between the child's warm, sympathetic +palms. "No rings. Understand? 'Pawned the Family Jewells.' Git me? +'Reduced to Poverty.' Where's my frock coat? Where's my silk hat? +'Wardrobe of a Celebrity Sold For A Song.' Where's them two pair of +trousers? 'A Tragic Disappearance.' All up the spout. Everything +gone. 'Not a Stitch to His Name.' Really, Richard, it wouldn't be +proper to get well. A natural phenomenon of my standing +couldn't--simply _couldn't_, Richard--go back to the profession with a +wardrobe consistin' of two pink night-shirts, both the worse for wear. +It wouldn't _do_! On the Stage In Scant Attire.' I couldn't stand it. +'Fell From His High Estate.' It would break my heart." + +No word of comfort occurred to the boy. + +"So," sighed the Dog-faced Man, "I guess I better die. And the +quicker the better." + +To change the distressful drift of the conversation, the boy inquired +concerning the Mexican Sword Swallower. + +"Hush!" implored Mr. Poddle, in a way so poignant that the boy wished +he had been more discreet. "Them massive proportions! Them socks! +'Her Fate a Tattooed Man,'" he pursued, in gentle melancholy. "Don't +ask me! 'Nearing the Fateful Hour.' Poor child!' Wedded To A +Artificial Freak.'" + +"Is she married?" + +"No--not yet," Mr. Poddle explained. "But when the dragon's tail is +finished, accordin' to undenigeable report, the deed will be did. +'Shackled For Life.' Oh, my God! He's borrowed the money to pay the +last installment; and I'm informed that only the scales has to be +picked out with red. But why should I mourn?" he asked. "'Adored From +Afar.' Understand? That's what I got to do. 'His Love a Tragedy.' +Oh, Richard," Mr. Poddle concluded, in genuine distress, "that's me! +It couldn't be nothing else. Natural phenomens is natural phenomens. +'Paid the Penalty of Genius.' That's me!" + +The boy's mother called to him. + +"Richard," said Mr. Poddle, abruptly, "I'm awful sick. I can't last +much longer. Git me? I'm dyin'. And I'm poor. I ain't got a cent. +I'm forgot by the public. I'm all alone in the world. Nobody owes me +no kindness." He clutched the boy's hand. "Know who pays my rent? +Know who feeds me? Know who brings the doctor when I vomit blood? +Know who sits with me in the night--when I can't sleep? Know who +watches over me? Who comforts me? Who holds my hand when I git afraid +to die? Know who that is, Richard?" + +"Yes," the boy whispered. + +"Who is it?" + +"My mother!" + +"Yes--your mother," said the Dog-faced Man. He lifted himself on the +pillow. "Richard," he continued, "listen to me! I'll be dead, soon, +and then I can't talk to you no more. I can't say no word to you from +the grave--when the time she dreads has come. Listen to me!" His +voice rose. He was breathing in gasps. There was a light in his eyes. +"It is your mother. There ain't a better woman in all the world. +Listen to me! Don't you forget her. She loves you. You're all she's +got. Her poor heart is hungry for you. Don't you forget her. There +ain't a better woman nowhere. There ain't a woman more fit for heaven. +Don't you go back on her! Don't you let no black-and-white curick +teach you no different!" + +"I'll not forget!" said the boy. + +Mr. Poddle laid a hand on his head. "God bless you, Richard!" said he. + +The boy kissed him, unafraid of his monstrous countenance--and then +fled to his mother.... + + +For a long time the Dog-faced Man lay alone, listening to the voices +across the hall: himself smiling to know that the woman had her son +again; not selfishly reluctant to be thus abandoned. The door was +ajar. Joyous sounds drifted in--chatter, soft laughter, the rattle of +dishes.... Presently, silence: broken by the creaking of the +rocking-chair, and by low singing.... By and by, voices, speaking +gravely--in intimate converse: this for a long, long time, while the +muttering of the tenement ceased, and quiet fell.... A plea and an +imploring protest. She was wanting him to go to bed. There followed +the familiar indications that the child was being disrobed: shoes +striking the floor, yawns, sleepy talk, crooning encouragement.... +Then a strange silence--puzzling to the listener: not accountable by +his recollection of similar occasions. + +There was a quick step in the hall. + +"Poddle!" + +The Dog-faced Man started. There was alarm in the voice--despair, +resentment. On the threshold stood the woman--distraught: one hand +against the door-post, the other on her heart. + +"Poddle, he's----" + +Mr. Poddle, thrown into a paroxysm of fright by the pause, struggled to +his elbow, but fell back, gasping. + +"What's he doin'?" he managed to whisper. + +"Prayin'!" she answered, hoarsely. + +Mr. Poddle was utterly nonplussed. The situation was unprecedented: +not to be dealt with on the basis of past experience. + +"'Religion In Haste,'" he sighed, sadly confounded. "'Repent At +Leisure.'" + +"Prayin'!" she repeated, entering on tiptoe. "He's down on his +knees--_prayin'_!" She began to pace the floor--wringing her hands: a +tragic figure. "It's come, Poddle!" she whimpered, beginning now to +bite at her fingernails. "He's changed. He never seen me pray. _I_ +never told him how. Oh, he's--different. And he'll change more. I +got to face it. He'll soon be like the people that--that--don't +understand us. I couldn't stand it to see that stare in his eyes. +It'll kill me, Poddle! I knew it would come," she continued, +uninterrupted, Mr. Poddle being unable to come to her assistance for +lack of breath. "But I didn't think it would be so--awful soon. And I +didn't know how much it would hurt. I didn't _think_ about it. I +didn't dare. Oh, my baby!" she sobbed. "You'll not love your mother +any more--when you find her out. You'll be just like--all them +people!" She came to a full stop. "Poddle," she declared, trembling, +her voice rising harshly, "I got to do something. I got to do +it--_quick_! What shall I do? Oh, what shall I do?" + +Mr. Poddle drew a long breath. "Likewise!" he gasped. + +She did not understand. + +"Likewise!" Mr. Poddle repeated. "'Fought the Devil With Fire.' +Quick!" He weakly beckoned her to be off. "Don't--let him +know--you're different. Go and--pray yourself. Don't--let on +you--never done it--before." + +She gave him a glad glance of comprehension--and disappeared... + + +The boy had risen. + +"Oh!" she exclaimed, brightly. "You got through, didn't you, dear?" + +He was now sitting on the edge of the bed, his legs dangling--still +reluctant to crawl within. And he was very gravely regarding her, a +cloud of anxious wonder in his eyes. + +"Who taught you to," she hesitated, "do it--that way?" she pursued, +making believe to be but lightly interested. "The curate? Oh, my!" +she exclaimed, immediately changing the thought. "Your mother's awful +sleepy." She counterfeited a yawn. "I never kneel to--do it," she +continued. In a sharp glance she saw the wonder clearing from his +eyes, the beginnings of a smile appear about his lips; and she was +emboldened to proceed. "Some kneels," she said, "and some doesn't. +The curate, I suppose, kneels. That's his way. Now, _I_ don't. I was +brought up--the other way. I wait till I get in bed to--say mine. +When you was a baby," she rattled, "I used to--keep it up--for hours at +a time. I just _love_ to--do it. In bed, you know. I guess you never +seen me kneel, did you? But I think I will, after this, because +you--do it--that way." + +His serenity was quite restored. Glad to learn that his mother knew +the solace of prayer, he rolled back on the pillows. She tucked him in. + +"Now, watch me," she said. + +"And I," said he, "will pray all over again. In bed," he added; +"because that's the way _you_ do it." + +She knelt. "In God's name!" she thought, as she inclined her bead, +"what can I do? I've lost him. Oh, I've lost him.... What'll I do +when he finds out? He'll not love me then. Love me!" she thought, +bitterly. "He'll look at me like them people in the church. I can't +stand it! I got to _do_ something.... It won't be long. They'll tell +him--some one. And I can't do nothing to help it! But I _got_ to do +something.... My God! I got to do something. I'll dress better than +this. This foulard's a botch." New fashions in dress, in coiffures, +multiplied in her mind. She was groping, according to her poor +enlightenment. "The pompadour!" she mused, inspired, according to the +inspiration of her kind. "It might suit my style. I'll try it.... +But, oh, it won't do no good," she thought, despairing. "_It_ won't do +no good.... I've lost him! Good God! I've lost my own child...." + +She rose. + +"It took you an awful long time," said the boy. + +"Yes," she answered, absently. "I'm the real thing. When I pray, I +pray good and hard." + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _Alienation_] + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _A Child's Prayer_] + + + + +_A CHILD'S PRAYER_ + +The boy's room was furnished in the manner of the curate's +chamber--which, indeed, was severe and chaste enough: for the curate +practiced certain monkish austerities not common to the clergy of this +day. It was a white, bare little room, at the top of the house, +overlooking the street: a still place, into which, at bedtime, no +distraction entered to break the nervous introspection, the high, +wistful dreaming, sadly habitual to the child when left alone in the +dark. But always, of fine mornings, the sun came joyously to waken +him; and often, in the night, when he lay wakeful, the moon peeped in +upon the exquisite simplicity, and, discovering a lonely child, +companionably lingered to hearten him. The beam fell over the +window-sill, crawled across the floor, climbed the bare wall. + +There was a great white crucifix on the wall, hanging in the broad path +of the moonlight. It stared at the boy's pillow, tenderly appealing: +the head thorn-crowned, the body drawn tense, the face uplifted in +patient agony. Sometimes it made the boy cry. + +"They who sin," he would repeat, "crucify the dear Lord again!" + +It would be very hard, then, to fall asleep.... + +So did the crucifix on the wall work within the child's heart--so did +the shadows of the wide, still house impress him, so did the curate's +voice and gentle teaching, so did the gloom, the stained windows, the +lofty arches, the lights and low, sweet music of the Church of the +Lifted Cross favour the subtle change--that he was now moved to pain +and sickening disgust by rags and pinched faces and discord and dirt +and feverish haste and all manner of harshness and unloveliness, +conceiving them poignant as sin.... + + +Mother and son were in the park. It was evening--dusk: a grateful balm +abroad in the air. Men and women, returning from church, idled through +the spring night. + +"But, dear," said his mother, while she patted his hand, "you mustn't +_hate_ the wicked!" + +He looked up in wonder. + +"Oh, my! no," she pursued. "Poor things! They're not so bad--when you +know them. Some is real kind." + +"I could not _love_ them!" + +"Why not?" + +"I _could_ not!" + +So positive, this--the suggestion so scouted--that she took thought for +her own fate. + +"Would you love me?" she asked. + +"Oh, mother!" he laughed. + +"What would you do," she gravely continued, "if I was--a wicked woman?" + +He laughed again. + +"What would you do," she insisted, "if somebody told you I was bad?" + +"Mother," he answered, not yet affected by her earnestness, "you could +not be!" + +She put her hands on his shoulders. "What would you do?" she repeated. + +"Don't!" he pleaded, disquieted. + +Again the question--low, intense, demanding answer. He trembled. She +was not in play. A sinful woman? For a moment he conceived the +possibility--vaguely: in a mere flash of feeling. + +"What would you do?" + +"I don't know!" + +She sighed. + +"I think," he whispered, "that I'd--die!" + + +That night, when the moonlight had climbed to the crucifix on the wall, +the boy got out of bed. For a long time he stood in the beam of soft +light--staring at the tortured Figure. + +"I think I'd better do it!" he determined. + +He knelt--lifted his clasped hands--began his childish appeal. + +"Dear Jesus," he prayed, "my mother says that I must not hate the +wicked. You heard her, didn't you, dear Jesus? It was in the park, +to-night, after church--at the bench near the lilac bush. You _must_ +have heard her.... Mother says the wicked are kind, and not so bad. I +would like very much to love them. She says they're nice--when you +know them. I know she's right, of course. But it seems queer. And +she says I _ought_ to love them. So I want to do it, if you don't +mind.... Maybe, if you would let me be a little wicked for a little +while, I could do it. Don't you think, Jesus, dear, that it is a good +idea? A little wicked--for just a little while. I wouldn't care very +much, if you didn't mind. But if it hurts you very much, I don't want +to, if you please.... But I would like to be a little wicked. If I +do, please don't forget me. I would not like to be wicked long. Just +a little while. Then I would be good again--and love the wicked, as my +mother wants me to do. Good-bye. I mean--Amen!" + +The child knew nothing about sin. + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _A Child's Prayer_] + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _Mr. Poddle's Finale_] + + + + +_MR. PODDLE'S FINALE_ + +Of a yellow, balmy morning, with a languid breeze stirring the curtains +in the open windows of the street, a hansom cab, drawn by a lean gray +beast, appeared near the curate's door. What with his wild career, the +nature of his errand, the extraordinary character of his fare, the +driver was all elbows and eyes--a perspiring, gesticulating figure, +swaying widely on the high perch. + +Within was a lady so monstrously stout that she completely filled the +vehicle. Rolls of fat were tucked into every nook, jammed into every +corner, calked into every crevice; and, at last, demanding place, they +scandalously overflowed the apron. So tight was the fit--so crushed +and confined the lady's immensity--that, being quite unable to +articulate or stir, but desiring most heartily to do both, she could do +little but wheeze, and faintly wave a gigantic hand. + +Proceeding thus--while the passenger gasped, and the driver +gesticulated, and the hansom creaked and tottered, and the outraged +horse bent to the fearful labour--the equipage presently arrived at the +curate's door, and was there drawn up with a jerk. + +The Fat Lady was released, assisted to alight, helped across the +pavement; and having waddled up three steps of the flight, and being +unable without a respite to lift her massive foot for the fourth time, +she loudly demanded of the impassive door the instant appearance of +Dickie Slade: whereupon, the door flew open, and the boy bounded out. + +"Madame Lacara!" he cried. + +"Quick, child!" the Fat Lady wheezed. "Git your hat. Your mother +can't stay no longer--and I can't get up the stairs--and Poddle's +dyin'--and _git your hat_!" + +In a moment the boy returned. The Fat Lady was standing beside the +cab--the exhausted horse contemplating her with no friendly eye. + +"Git in!" said she. + +"Don't you do it," the driver warned. + +"Git in!" the Fat Lady repeated. + +"Not if he knows what's good for him," said the driver. "Not first." + +The boy hesitated. + +"Git in, child!" screamed the Fat Lady. + +"Don't you do it," said the driver. + +"Child," the Fat Lady gasped, exasperated, "git in!" + +"Not first," the driver repeated. "There ain't room for both; and once +she lets her weight down----" + +"Maybe," the Fat Lady admitted, after giving the matter most careful +consideration, "it would be better for you to set on me." + +"Maybe," the boy agreed, much relieved, "it would." + +So Madame Lacara entered, and took the boy in her arms; and off, at +last, they went towards the Box Street tenement, swaying, creaking, +wheezing, with a troop of joyous urchins in the wake.... + +It was early afternoon--with the sunlight lying thick and warm on the +window-ledge of Mr. Poddle's room, about to enter, to distribute cheer, +to speak its unfailing promises. The sash was lifted high; a gentle +wind, clean and blue, blowing from the sea, over the roofs and the +river, came sportively in, with a joyous little rush and swirl--but of +a sudden failed: hushed, as though by unexpected encounter with the +solemnity within. + +The boy's mother was gone. It was of a Saturday; she had not dared to +linger. When the boy entered, Mr. Poddle lay alone, lifted on the +pillows, staring deep into the wide, shining sky: composed and +dreamful. The distress of his deformity, as the pains of dissolution, +had been mitigated by the woman's kind and knowing hand: the tawny +hair, by nature rank and shaggy, by habit unkempt, now damp with sweat, +was everywhere laid smooth upon his face--brushed away from the eyes: +no longer permitted to obscure the fast failing sight. + +Beside him, close--drawing closer--the boy seated himself. Very low +and broken--husky, halting--was the Dog-faced Man's voice. The boy +must often bend his ear to understand. + +"The hirsute," Mr. Poddle whispered, "adornment. All ready for the +last appearance. 'Natural Phenomonen Meets the Common Fate.' +Celebrities," he added, with a little smile, "is just clay." + +The boy took his hand. + +"She done it," Mr. Poddle explained, faintly indicating the unusual +condition of his deforming hair, "with a little brush." + +"She?" the boy asked, with significant emphasis. + +"No," Mr. Poddle sighed. "Hush! Not She--just her." + +By this the boy knew that the Mexican Sword Swallower had not +relented--but that his mother had been kind. + +"She left that there little brush somewheres," Mr. Poddle continued, +with an effort to lift his head, but failing to do more than roll his +glazed eyes. "There was a little handkerchief with it. Can't you find +'em, Richard? I wish you could. They make me--more comfortable. Oh, +I'm glad you got 'em! I feel easier--this way. She said you'd stay +with me--to the last. She said, Richard, that maybe you'd keep the +hair away from my eyes, and the sweat from rollin' in. For I'm easier +that way; and I want to _see_," he moaned, "to the last!" + +The boy pressed his hand. + +"I'm tired of the hair," Mr. Poddle sighed. "I used to be proud of it; +but I'm tired of it--now. It's been admired, Richard; it's been +applauded. Locks of it has been requested by the Fair; and the Strong +has wished they was me. But, Richard, celebrities sits on a lonely +eminence. And I _been_ lonely, God knows! though I kept a smilin' +face.... I'm tired of the hair--tired of fame. It all looks +different--when you git sight of the Common Leveller. 'Tired of His +Talent.' Since I been lyin' here, Richard, sick and alone, I been +thinkin' that talent wasn't nothin' much after all. I been wishin', +Richard--wishin'!" + +The Dog-faced Man paused for breath. + +"I been wishin'," he gasped, "that I wasn't a phenomonen--but only a +man!" + + +The sunlight began to creep towards Mr. Poddle's bed--a broad, yellow +beam, stretching into the blue spaces without: lying like a golden +pathway before him. + +"Richard," said Mr. Poddle, "I'm goin' to die." + +The boy began to cry. + +"Don't cry!" Mr. Poddle pleaded. "I ain't afraid. Hear me, Richard? +I ain't afraid." + +"No, no!" + +"I'm glad to die. 'Death the Dog-faced Man's Best Friend.' I'm glad! +Lyin' here, I seen the truth. It's only when a man looks back that he +finds out what he's missed--only when he looks back, from the end of +the path, that he sees the flowers he might have plucked by the way.... +Lyin' here, I been lookin' back--far back. And my eyes is opened. Now +I see--now I know! I have been travellin' a road where the flowers +grows thick. But God made me so I couldn't pick 'em. It's love, +Richard, that men wants. Just love! It's love their hearts is thirsty +for.... And there wasn't no love--for me. I been awful thirsty, +Richard; but there wasn't no water anywhere in all the world--for me. +'Spoiled In the Making.' That's me. 'God's Bad Break.' Oh, that's +me! I'm not a natural phenomonen no more. I'm only a freak of nature. +I ain't got no kick comin'. I stand by what God done. Maybe it wasn't +no mistake; maybe He wanted to show all the people in the world what +would happen if He was in the habit of gittin' careless. Anyhow, I +guess He's man enough to stand by the job He done. He made me what I +am--a freak. I ain't to blame. But, oh, my God! Richard, it +hurts--to be that!" + +The boy brushed the tears from the Dog-faced Man's eyes. + +"No," Mr. Poddle repeated. "I ain't afraid to die. For I been +thinkin'--since I been lyin' here, sick and alone--I been thinkin' that +us mistakes has a good deal----" + +The boy bent close. + +"Comin' to us!" + +The sunlight was climbing the bed-post. + +"I been lookin' back," Mr. Poddle repeated. "Things don't look the +same. You gits a bird's-eye view of life--from your deathbed. And it +looks--somehow--different." + +There was a little space of silence--while the Dog-faced Man drew long +breaths: while his wasted hand wandered restlessly over the coverlet. + +"You got the little brush, Richard?" he asked, his voice changing to a +tired sigh. "The adornment has got in the way again." + +The boy brushed back the fallen hair--wiped away the sweat. + +"Your mother," said Mr. Poddle, faintly smiling, "does it better. +She's used--to doing it. You ain't--done it--quite right--have you? +You ain't got--all them hairs--out of the way?" + +"Yes." + +"Not all," Mr. Poddle gently persisted; "because I can't--see--very +well." + +While the boy humoured the fancy, Mr. Poddle lay musing--his hand still +straying over the coverlet: still feverishly searching. + +"I used to think, Richard," he whispered, "that it ought to be done--in +public." He paused--a flash of alarm in his eyes. "Do you hear me, +Richard?" he asked. + +"Yes." + +"Sure?" + +"Oh, yes!" + +Mr. Poddle frowned--puzzled, it may be, by the distant sound, the +muffled, failing rumble, of his own voice. + +"I used to think," he repeated, dismissing the problem, as beyond him, +"that I'd like to do it--in public." + +The boy waited. + +"Die," Mr. Poddle explained. + +A man went whistling gaily past the door. The merry air, the buoyant +step, were strangely not discordant; nor was the sunshine, falling over +the foot of the bed. + +"'Last Appearance of a Famous Freak!'" Mr. Poddle elucidated, his eyes +shining with delight--returning, all at once, to his old manner. "Git +me, Richard?" he continued, excitedly. "'Fitting Finale! Close of a +Curious Career! Mr. Henry Poddle, the eminent natural phenomonen, has +consented to depart this life on the stage of Hockley's Musee, on +Sunday next, in the presence of three physicians, a trained nurse, a +minister of the gospel and a undertaker. Unparalleled Entertainment! +The management has been at unprecedented expense to git this unique +feature. Death Defied! A Extraordinary Educational Exhibition! Note: +Mr. Poddle will do his best to oblige his admirers and the patrons of +the house by dissolving the mortal tie about the hour of ten o'clock; +but the management cannot guarantee that the exhibition will conclude +before midnight.'" Mr. Poddle made a wry face--with yet a glint of +humour about it. "'Positively,'" said he, "'the last appearance of +this eminent freak. No return engagement.'" + +Again the buoyant step in the hall, the gaily whistled air--departing: +leaving an expectant silence. + +"Do it," Mr. Poddle gasped, worn out, "in public. But since I been +lyin' here," he added, "lookin' back, I seen the error. The public, +Richard, has no feelin'. They'd laugh--if I groaned. I don't like the +public--no more. I don't want to die--in public. I want," he +concluded, his voice falling to a thin, exhausted whisper, "only your +mother--and you, Richard--and----" + +"Did you say--Her?" + +"The Lovely One!" + +"I'll bring her!" said the boy, impulsively. + +"No, no! She wouldn't come. I been--in communication--recent. And +she writ back. Oh, Richard, she writ back! My heart's broke!" + +The boy brushed the handkerchief over the Dog-faced Man's eyes. + +"'Are you muzzled,' says she, 'in dog days?'" + +"Don't mind her!" cried the boy. + +"In the eyes of the law, Richard," Mr. Poddle exclaimed, his eyes +flashing, "I ain't no dog!" + +The boy kissed his forehead--there was no other comfort to offer: and +the caress was sufficient. + +"I wish," Mr. Poddle sighed, "that I knew how God will look at +it--to-night!" + + +Mr. Poddle, exhausted by speech and emotion, closed his eyes. By and +by the boy stealthily withdrew his hand from the weakening clasp. Mr. +Poddle gave no sign of knowing it. The boy slipped away.... And +descending to the third floor of the tenement, he came to the room +where lived the Mexican Sword Swallower: whom he persuaded to return +with him to Mr. Poddle's bedside. + +They paused at the door. The woman drew back. + +"Aw, Dick," she simpered, "I hate to!" + +"Just this once!" the boy pleaded. + +"Just to say it!" + +The reply was a bashful giggle. + +"You don't have to _mean_ it," the boy argued. "Just _say_ it--that's +all!" + +They entered. Mr. Poddle was muttering the boy's name--in a vain +effort to lift his voice. His hands were both at the +coverlet--picking, searching: both restless in the advancing sunshine. +With a sob of self-reproach the boy ran quickly to the bedside, took +one of the wandering hands, pressed it to his lips. And Mr. Poddle +sighed, and lay quiet again. + +"Mr. Poddle," the boy whispered, "she's come at last." + +There was no response. + +"She's come!" the boy repeated. He gave the hand he held to the woman. +Then he put his lips close to the dying man's ear. "Don't you hear me? +She's come!" + +Mr. Poddle opened his eyes. "Her--massive--proportions!" he faltered. + +"Quick!" said the boy. + +"Poddle," the woman lied, "I love you!" + +Then came the Dog-faced Man's one brief flash of ecstasy--expressed in +a wondrous glance of joy and devotion: but a swiftly fading fire. + +"She loves me!" he muttered. + +"I do, Poddle!" the woman sobbed, willing, now, for the grotesque +deception. "Yes, I do!" + +"'Beauty,'" Mr. Poddle gasped, "'and the Beast!'" + +They listened intently. He said no more.... Soon the sunbeam +glorified the smiling face.... + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _Mr. Poddle's Finale_] + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _His Mother_] + + + + +_HIS MOTHER_ + +While he waited for his mother to come--seeking relief from the +melancholy and deep mystification of this death--the boy went into the +street. The day was well disposed, the crowded world in an amiable +mood; he perceived no menace--felt no warning of catastrophe. He +wandered far, unobservant, forgetful: the real world out of mind. And +it chanced that he lost his way; and he came, at last, to that loud, +seething place, thronged with unquiet faces, where, even in the +sunshine, sin and poverty walked abroad, unashamed.... Rush, crash, +joyless laughter, swollen flesh, red eyes, shouting, rags, disease: +flung into the midst of it--transported from the sweet feeling and +quiet gloom of the Church of the Lifted Gross--he was confused and +frightened.... + + +A hand fell heartily on the boy's shoulder. "Hello, there!" cried a +big voice. "Ain't you Millie Blade's kid?" + +"Yes, sir," the boy gasped. + +It was a big man--a broad-shouldered, lusty fellow, muscular and lithe: +good-humoured and dull of face, winning of voice and manner. +Countenance and voice were vaguely familiar to the boy. He felt no +alarm. + +"What the devil you doing here?" the man demanded. "Looking for +Millie?" + +"Oh, no!" the boy answered, horrified. "My mother isn't--_here_!" + +"Well, what you doing?" + +"I'm lost." + +The man laughed. He clapped the boy on the back. "Don't you be +afraid," said he, sincerely hearty. "I'll take you home. You know me, +don't you?" + +"Not your name." + +"Anyhow, you remember me, don't you? You've seen me before?" + +"Yes, sir." + +"Well, my name's Jim Millette. I'm an acrobat. And I know you. Why, +sure! I remember when you was born. Me and your mother is old +friends. Soon as I seen you I knew who you was. 'By gad!' says I, 'if +that ain't Millie Slade's kid!' How is she, anyhow?" + +"She's very well." + +"Working?" + +"No," the boy answered, gravely; "my mother does not work." + +The man whistled. + +"I am living with Mr. Fithian, the curate," said the boy, with a sigh. +"So my mother is having--a very good--time." + +"She must be lonely." + +The boy shook his head. "Oh, no!" said he. "She is much +happier--without me." + +"She's _what_?" + +"Happier," the boy repeated, "without me. If she were not," he added, +"I would not live with the curate." + +The man laughed. It was in pity--not in merriment. "Well, say," he +said, "when you see your mother, you tell her you met Jim Millette on +the street. Will you? You tell her Jim's been--married. She'll +understand. And I guess she'll be glad to know it. And, say, I guess +she'll wonder who it's to. You tell her it's the little blonde of the +Flying Tounsons. She'll know I ain't losing anything, anyhow, by +standing in with that troupe. Tell her it's all right. You just tell +her I said that everything was all right. Will you?" + +"Yes, sir." + +"You ain't never been to a show, have you?" the man continued. "I +thought not. Well, say, you come along with me. It ain't late. We'll +see the after-piece at the Burlesque. I'll take you in." + +"I think," said the boy, "I had better not." + +"Aw, come on!" the acrobat urged. + +"I'm awful glad to see you, Dick," he added, putting his arm around the +boy, of kind impulse; "and I'd like to give you a good time--for +Millie's sake." + +The boy was still doubtful. "I had better go home," he said. + +"Oh, now, don't you be afraid of me, Dick. I'll take you home after +the show. We got lots of time. Aw, come on!" + +It occurred to the boy that Providence had ordered events in answer to +his prayer. + +"Thank you," he said. + +"You'll have a good time," the acrobat promised. "They say Flannigan's +got a good show." + +They made their way to the Burlesque. Flannigan's Forty Flirts there +held the boards. "Girls! Just Girls! Grass Widows and Merry Maids! +No Nonsense About 'Em! Just Girls! Girls!" The foul and tawdry +aspect of the entrance oppressed the child. He felt some tragic +foreboding.... + + +Within it was dark to the boy's eyes. The air was hot and +foul--stagnant, exhausted: the stale exhalation of a multitude of lungs +which vice was rotting; tasting of their very putridity. A mist of +tobacco smoke filled the place--was still rising in bitter, stifling +clouds. There was a nauseating smell of beer and sweat and +disinfectants. The boy's foot felt the unspeakable slime of the floor: +he tingled with disgust. + +An illustrated song was in listless progress. The light, reflected +from the screen, revealed a throng of repulsive faces, stretching, row +upon row, into the darkness of the rear, into the shadows of the +roof--sickly and pimpled and bloated flesh: vicious faces, hopeless, +vacuous, diseased. And these were the faces that leered and writhed in +the boy's dreams of hell. Here, present and tangible, were gathered +all his terrors. He was in the very midst of sin. + +The song was ended. The footlights flashed high. There was a burst of +blatant music--a blare: unfeeling and discordant. It grated +agonizingly. The boy's sensitive ear rebelled. He shuddered.... +Screen and curtain disappeared. In the brilliant light beyond, a group +of brazen women began to cavort and sing. Their voices were harsh and +out of tune. At once the faces in the shadow started into eager +interest--the eyes flashing, with some strangely evil passion, unknown +to the child, but acutely felt.... There was a shrill shout of +welcome--raised by the women, without feeling. Down the stage, her +person exposed, bare-armed, throwing shameless glances, courting the +sensual stare, grinning as though in joyous sympathy with the evil of +the place, came a woman with blinding blonde hair. + +It was the boy's mother. + + +"Millie!" the acrobat ejaculated. + +The boy had not moved. He was staring at the woman on the stage. A +flush of shame, swiftly departing, had left his face white. Presently +he trembled. His lips twitched--his head drooped. The man laid a +comforting hand on his knee. A tear splashed upon it. + +"I didn't know she was here, Dick!" the acrobat whispered. "It's a +shame. But I didn't know. And I--I'm--sorry!" + +The boy looked up. He called a smile to his face. It was a brave +pretense. But his face was still wan. + +"I think I'd like to go home," he answered, weakly. "It's--time--for +tea." + +"Don't feel bad, Dick! It's all right. _She's_ all right." + +"If you please," said the boy, still resolutely pretending ignorance, +"I think I'd like to go--now." + +The acrobat waited for a blast of harsh music to subside. The boy's +mother began to sing--a voice trivially engaged: raised beyond its +strength. A spasm of distress contorted the boy's face. + +"Brace up, Dick!" the man whispered. "Don't take it so hard." + +"If you please," the boy protested, "I'll be late for tea if I don't go +now." + +The acrobat took his hand--guided him, stumbling, up the aisle: led him +into the fresh air, the cool, clean sunlight, of the street.... There +had been sudden confusion on the stage. The curtain had fallen with a +rush. But it was now lifted, again, and the dismal entertainment was +once more in noisy course. + + +It was now late in the afternoon. The pavement was thronged. Dazed by +agony, blinded by the bright light of day, the boy was roughly jostled. +The acrobat drew him into an eddy of the stream. There the child +offered his hand--and looked up with a dogged little smile. + +"Good-bye," he said. "Thank you." + +The acrobat caught the hand in a warm clasp. "You don't know your way +home, do you?" he asked. + +"No, sir." + +"Where you going?" + +The boy looked away. There was a long interval. Into the shuffle and +chatter of the passing crowd crept the muffled blare of the orchestra. +The acrobat still held the boy's hand tight--still anxiously watched +him, his face overcast. + +"Box Street?" he asked. + +"No, sir." + +"Aw, Dick! think again," the acrobat pleaded. "Come, now! Ain't you +going to Box Street?" + +"No, sir," the boy answered, low. "I'm going to the curate's house, +near the Church of the Lifted Cross." + +They were soon within sight of the trees in the park. The boy's way +was then known to him. Again he extended his hand--again smiled. + +"Thank you," he said. "Good-bye." + +The acrobat was loath to let the little hand go. But there was nothing +else to do. He dropped it, at last, with a quick-drawn sigh. + +"It'll come out all right," he muttered. + +Then the boy went his way alone. His shoulders were proudly +squared--his head held high.... + + +Meantime, they had revived Millie Slade. She was in the common +dressing-room--a littered, infamous, foul, place, situated below stage. +Behind her the gas flared and screamed. Still in her panderous +disguise, within hearing of the rasping music and the tramp of the +dance, within hearing of the coarse applause, this tender mother sat +alone, unconscious of evil--uncontaminated, herself kept holy by her +motherhood, lifted by her love from the touch of sin. To her all the +world was a temple, undefiled, wherein she worshipped, wherein the +child was a Presence, purifying every place. + +She had no strength left for tragic behaviour. She sat limp, shedding +weak tears, whimpering, tearing at her finger nails. + +"I'm found out!" she moaned. "Oh, my God! He'll never love me no +more!" + +A woman entered in haste. + +"You got it, Aggie?" the mother asked. + +"Yes, dear. Now, you just drink this, and you'll feel better." + +"I don't want it--now." + +"Aw, now, you drink it! Poor dear! It'll do you lots of good." + +"He wouldn't want me to." + +"Aw, he won't know. And you need it, dear. _Do_ drink it!" + +"No, Aggie," said the mother. "It don't matter that he don't know. I +just don't want it. I _can't_ do what he wouldn't like me to." + +The glass was put aside. And Aggie sat beside the mother, and drew her +head to a sympathetic breast. + +"Don't cry!" she whispered. "Oh, Millie, don't cry!" + +"Oh," the woman whimpered, "he'll think me an ugly thing, Aggie. He'll +think me a skinny thing. If I'd only got here in time, if I'd only +looked right, he might have loved me still. But he won't love me no +more--after to-day!" + +"Hush, Millie! He's only a kid. He don't know nothing about--such +things." + +"Only a kid," said the mother, according to the perverted experience of +her life, "but still a man!" + +"He wouldn't care." + +"They _all_ care!" + +Indeed, this was her view; and by her knowledge of the world she spoke. + +"Not him," said Aggie. + +The mother was infinitely distressed. "Oh," she moaned, "if I'd only +had time to pad!" + +This was the greater tragedy of her situation: that she misunderstood. + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _The Mother_] + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _Nearing the Sea_] + + + + +_NEARING THE SEA_ + +It was Sunday evening. Evil-weather threatened. The broad window of +top floor rear looked out upon a lowering sky--everywhere gray and +thick: turning black beyond the distant hills. An hour ago the +Department wagon had rattled away with the body of Mr. Poddle; and with +the cheerfully blasphemous directions, the tramp of feet, the jocular +comment, as the box was carried down the narrow stair, the last +distraction had departed. The boy's mother was left undisturbed to +prepare for the crucial moments in the park. + +She was now nervously engaged before her looking-glass. All the tools +of her trade lay at hand. A momentous problem confronted her. The +child must be won back. He must be convinced of her worth. Therefore +she must be beautiful. He thought her pretty. She would be pretty. +But how impress him? By what appeal? The pathetic? the tenderly +winsome? the gay? She would be gay. Marvellous lies occurred to +her--a multitude of them: there was no end to her fertility in +deception. And she would excite his jealousy. Upon that feeling she +would play. She would blow hot; she would blow cold. She would reduce +him to agony--the most poignant agony he had ever suffered. Then she +would win him. + +To this end, acting according to the enlightenment of her kind, she +plied her pencil and puffs; and when, at last, she stood before the +mirror, new gowned, beautiful after the conventions of her kind, blind +to the ghastliness of it, ignorant of the secret of her strength, she +had a triumphant consciousness of power. + +"He'll love me," she thought, with a snap of the teeth. "He's got to!" + + +Jim Millette knocked--and pushed the door ajar, and diffidently +intruded his head. + +"Hello, Jim!" she cried. "Come in!" + +The man would not enter. "I can't, Millie," he faltered. "I just got +a minute." + +"Oh, come on in!" said she, contemptuously. "Come in and tell me about +it. What did you do it for, Jim? You got good and even, didn't you? +Eh, Jim?" she taunted. "You got even!" + +"It wasn't that, Millie," he protested. + +"Oh, wasn't it?" she shrilled. + +"No, it wasn't, Millie. I didn't have no grudge against you." + +"Then what was it? Come in and tell me!" she laughed. "You dassn't, +Jim! You're afraid! come in," she flashed, "and I'll make you lick my +shoes! And when you're crawling on the floor, Jim, like a slimy dog, +I'll kick you out. Hear me, you pup? What you take my child in there +for?" she cried. "Hear me? Aw, you pup!" she snarled. "You're afraid +to come in!" + +"Don't go on, Millie," he warned her. "Don't you go on like that. +Maybe I _will_ come in. And if I do, my girl, it won't be me that'll +be lickin' shoes. It might be _you_!" + +"Me!" she scorned. "You ain't got no hold on me no more. Come in and +try it!" + +The man hesitated. + +"Come on!" she taunted. + +"I ain't coming in, Millie," he answered. "I didn't come up to come +in. I just come up to tell you I was sorry." + +She laughed. + +"I didn't know you was there, Millie," the man continued. "If I'd +knowed you was with the Forty Flirts, I wouldn't have took the boy +there. And I come up to tell you so." + +Overcome by a sudden and agonizing recollection of the scene, she put +her hands to her face. + +"And I come up to tell you something else," the acrobat continued, +speaking gently. "I tell you, Millie, you better look out. If you +ain't careful, you'll lose him for good. He took it hard, Millie. +Hard! It broke the little fellow all up. It hurt him--awful!" + +She began to walk the floor. In the room the light was failing. It +was growing dark--an angry portent--over the roofs of the opposite city. + +"Do you want him back?" the man asked. + +"Want him back!" she cried. + +"Then," said he, his voice soft, grave, "take care!" + +"Want him back?" she repeated, beginning, now, by habit, to tear at her +nails. "I got to have him back! He's mine, ain't he? Didn't I bear +him? Didn't I nurse him? Wasn't it me that--that--_made_ him? He's +my kid, I tell you--_mine_! And I want him back! Oh, I want him so!" + +The man entered; but the woman seemed not to know it. He regarded her +compassionately. + +"That there curate ain't got no right to him," she complained. "_He_ +didn't have nothing to do with the boy. It was only me and Dick. +What's he sneaking around here for--taking Dick's boy away? The boy's +half mine and half Dick's. The curate ain't got no share. And now +Dick's dead--and he's _all_ mine! The curate ain't got nothing to do +with it. We don't want no curate here. I raised that boy for myself. +I didn't do it to give him to no curate. What right's he got coming +around here--getting a boy he didn't have no pain to bear or trouble to +raise? I tell you _I_ got that boy. He's mine--and I want him!" + +"But you give the boy to the curate, Millie!" + +"No, I didn't!" she lied. "He took the boy. He come sneaking around +here making trouble. _I_ didn't give him no boy. And I want him +back," she screamed, in a gust of passion. "I want my boy back!" + +A rumble of thunder--failing, far off--came from the sea. + +"Millie," the acrobat persisted, "you said you wasn't fit to bring him +up." + +"I ain't," she snapped. "But I don't care. He's mine--and I'll have +him." + +The man shrugged his shoulders. + +"Jim," the woman said, now quiet, laying her hands on the acrobat's +shoulders, looking steadily into his eyes, "that boy's mine. I want +him--I want him--back. But I don't want him if he don't love me. And +if I can't have him--if I can't have him----" + +"Millie!" + +"I'll be all alone, Jim--and I'll want----" + +He caught her hands. "Me?" he asked. "Will you want me?" + +"I don't know." + +"Millie," he said, speaking hurriedly, "_won't_ you want me? I've took +up with the little Tounson blonde. But _she_ wouldn't care. You know +how it goes, Millie. It's only for business. She and me team up. +That's all. She wouldn't care. And if you want me--if you want me, +Millie, straight and regular, for better or for worse--if you want me +that way, Millie----" + +"Don't, Jim!" + +He let her hands fall--and drew away. "I love you too much," he said, +"to butt in now. But if the boy goes back on you, Millie, I'll +come--again. You'll need me then--and that's why I'll come. I don't +want him to go back on you. I want him to love you still. It's +because of the way you love him that I love you--in the way I do. It +ain't easy for me to say this. It ain't easy for me to want to give +you up. But you're that kind of a woman, Millie. You're that +kind--since you got the boy. I want to give you up. You'd be better +off with him. You're--you're--_holier_--when you're with that child. +You'd break your poor heart without that boy of yours. And I want you +to have him--to love him--to be loved by him. If he comes back, you'll +not see me again. I've lived a life that makes me--not fit--to be with +no child like him. But so help me God!" the man passionately declared, +"I hope he don't turn you down!" + +"You're all right, Jim!" she sobbed. "You're all right!" + +"I'm going now," he said, quietly. "But I got one more thing to say. +Don't fool that boy!" + +She looked up. + +"Don't fool him," the man repeated. "You'll lose him if you do." + +"Not fool him? It's so easy, Jim!" + +"Ah, Millie," he said, with a hopeless gesture, "you're blind. You +don't know your own child. You're blind--you're just blind!" + +"What you mean, Jim?" she demanded. + +"You don't know what he loves you for." + +"What does he love me for?" + +The man was at the door. "Because," he answered, turning, "you're his +mother!" + + +It was not yet nine o'clock. The boy would still be in the church. +She must not yet set out for the park. So she lighted the lamp. For a +time she posed and grimaced before the mirror. When she was perfect in +the part, she sat in the rocking-chair at the broad window, there to +rehearse the deceptions it was in her mind to practice. But while she +watched the threatening shadows gather, the lights on the river flash +into life and go drifting aimlessly away, her mind strayed from this +purpose, her willful heart throbbed with sweeter feeling--his childish +voice, the depths of his eyes, the grateful weight of his head upon her +bosom. Why had he loved her? Because she was his mother! A forgotten +perception returned to illuminate her way--a perception, never before +reduced to formal terms, that her virtue, her motherly tenderness, were +infinitely more appealing to him than the sum of her other attractions. + +She started from the chair--her breast heaving with despairing alarm. +Again she stood before the mirror--staring with new-opened eyes at the +painted face, the gaudy gown: and by these things she was now horrified. + +"He won't love me!" she thought. "Not this way. He--he--couldn't!" + +It struck the hour. + +"Nine o'clock!" she cried. "I got to _do_ something!" + +She looked helplessly about the room. Why had he loved her? Because +she was his mother! She would be his mother--nothing more: just his +mother. She would go to him with that appeal. She would not seek to +win him. She would but tell him that she was his mother. She would be +his mother--true and tender and holy. He would not resist her plea.... +This determined, she acted resolutely and in haste: she stripped off +the gown, flung it on the floor, kicked the silken heap under the bed; +she washed the paint from her face, modestly laid her hair, robed +herself anew. And when again, with these new, seeing eyes, she looked +into the glass, she found that she was young, unspoiled--still lovely: +a sweetly wistful woman, whom he resembled. Moreover, there came to +transform her, suddenly, gloriously, a revelation: that of the +spiritual significance of her motherhood. + +"Thank God!" she thought, uplifted by this vision. "Oh, thank God! +I'm like them other people. I'm fit to bring him up!" + +It thundered ominously. + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _Nearing the Sea_] + + + + +[Illustration: Headpiece to _The Last Appeal_] + + + + +_THE LAST APPEAL_ + +She sat waiting for him at the bench by the lilac bush. He was late, +she thought--strangely late. She wondered why. It was dark. The +night was close and hot. There was no breath of air stirring in the +park. From time to time the lightning flashed. In fast lessening +intervals came the thunder. Presently she caught ear of his step on +the pavement--still distant: approaching, not from the church, but from +the direction of the curate's home. + +"And he's not running!" she thought, quick to take alarm. + +They were inexplicable--these lagging feet. He had never before +dawdled on the way. Her alarm increased. She waited anxiously--until, +with eyes downcast, he stood before her. + +"Richard!" she tenderly said. + +"I'm here, mother," he answered; but he did not look at her. + +She put her arms around him. "Your mother," she whispered, while she +kissed him, "is glad--to feel you--lying here." + +He lay quiet against her--his face on her bosom. She was thrilled by +this sweet pressure. + +"Have you been happy?" she asked. + +"No." + +"Nor I, dear!" + +He turned his face--not to her: to the flaming cross above the church. +She had invited a question. But he made no response. + +"Nor I," she repeated. + +Still he gazed at the cross. It was shining in a black cloud--high in +the sky. She felt him tremble. + +"Hold me tight!" he said. + +She drew him to her--glad to have him ask her to: having no disquieting +question. + +"Tighter!" he implored. + +She rocked him. "Hush, dear!" she crooned. "You're safe--with your +mother. What frightens you?" + +"The cross!" he sobbed. + +God knows! 'twas a pity that his childish heart misinterpreted the +message of the cross--changing his loving purpose into sin. But the +misinterpretation was not forever to endure.... + + +The wind began to stir the leaves--tentative gusts: swirling eagerly +through the park. There was a flash--an instant clap of thunder, +breaking overhead, rumbling angrily away. Two men ran past. Great +drops of rain splashed on the pavement. + +"Let us go home," the boy said. + +"Not yet!" she protested. "Oh, not yet!" + +He escaped from her arms. + +"Don't go, Richard!" she whimpered. "Please don't, dear! Not yet. +I--I'm--oh, I'm not ready to say good-night. Not yet!" + +He took her hand. "Come, mother!" he said. + +"Not yet!" + +He dropped her hand--sprang away from her with a startled little cry. +"Oh, mother," he moaned, "don't you want me?" + +"Home?" she asked, blankly. "Home--with me?" + +"Oh, yes, mother! Let me go home. Quick I Let us go.... The curate +says I know best. I went straight to him--yesterday--and told him. +And he said I was wiser than he.... And I said good-bye. Don't send +me back. For, oh, I want to go home--with you!" + +She opened her arms. At that moment a brilliant flash of lightning +illuminated the world. For the first time the child caught sight of +her face--the sweet, real face of his mother: now radiant, touched by +the finger of the Good God Himself. + +"Is it you?" he whispered. + +"I am your mother." + +He leaped into her arms--found her wet eyes with his lips. "Mother!" +he cried. + +"My son!" she said. + +He turned again to the flaming cross--a little smile of defiance upon +his lips. But the defiance passed swiftly: for it was then revealed to +him that his mother was good; and he knew that what the cross signified +would continue with him, wherever he went, that goodness and peace +might abide within his heart. Hand in hand, while the thunder still +rolled and the rain came driving with the wind, they hurried away +towards the Box Street tenement.... + + +Let them go! Why not? Let them depart into their world! It needs +them. They will glorify it. Nor will they suffer loss. Let them go! +Love flourishes in the garden of the world we know. Virtue is forever +in bloom. Let them go to their place! Why should we wish to deprive +the unsightly wilderness of its flowers? Let the tenderness of this +mother and son continue to grace it! + + +[Illustration: Tailpiece to _The Last Appeal_] + + + + +THE END + + + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Mother, by Norman Duncan + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE MOTHER *** + +***** This file should be named 27550.txt or 27550.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/2/7/5/5/27550/ + +Produced by Al Haines + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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