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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/27771-h.zip b/27771-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..e5d57fc --- /dev/null +++ b/27771-h.zip diff --git a/27771-h/27771-h.htm b/27771-h/27771-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..84ff006 --- /dev/null +++ b/27771-h/27771-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,12370 @@ +<!DOCTYPE HTML PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD HTML 4.01 Transitional//EN"> +<HTML> +<HEAD> + +<META HTTP-EQUIV="Content-Type" CONTENT="text/html; charset=iso-8859-1"> + +<TITLE> +The Project Gutenberg eBook of Once on a Time, by A. A. Milne</TITLE> + +<STYLE TYPE="text/css"> +BODY { color: Black; + background: White; + margin-right: 10%; + margin-left: 10%; + font-family: "Times New Roman", serif; + text-align: justify } + +P {text-indent: 4% } + +P.noindent {text-indent: 0% } + +P.poem {text-indent: 0%; + margin-left: 10%; + font-size: small } + +P.letter {font-size: small ; + margin-left: 10% ; + margin-right: 10% } + +P.salutation {font-size: small ; + text-indent: 0%; + margin-left: 10% ; + margin-right: 10% } + +P.closing {font-size: small ; + text-indent: 0%; + margin-left: 10% ; + margin-right: 10% } + +P.footnote {font-size: small ; + text-indent: 0% ; + margin-left: 0% ; + margin-right: 0% } + +P.transnote {font-size: small ; + text-indent: 0% ; + margin-left: 0% ; + margin-right: 0% } + +P.index {font-size: small ; + text-indent: -5% ; + margin-left: 5% ; + margin-top: 0% ; + margin-bottom: 0% ; + margin-right: 0% } + +P.intro {font-size: medium ; + text-indent: -5% ; + margin-left: 5% ; + margin-right: 0% } + +P.dedication {text-indent: 0%; + margin-left: 15%; + text-align: justify } + +P.published {font-size: small ; + text-indent: 0% ; + margin-left: 15% } + +P.quote {font-size: small ; + text-indent: 4% ; + margin-left: 0% ; + margin-right: 0% } + +P.report {font-size: small ; + text-indent: 4% ; + margin-left: 0% ; + margin-right: 0% } + +P.report2 {font-size: small ; + text-indent: 4% ; + margin-left: 10% ; + margin-right: 10% } + +P.finis { text-align: center ; + text-indent: 0% ; + margin-left: 0% ; + margin-right: 0% } + +H3.h3left { margin-left: 0%; + margin-right: 1%; + margin-bottom: .5% ; + margin-top: 0; + float: left ; + clear: left ; + text-align: center } + +H3.h3right { margin-left: 1%; + margin-right: 0 ; + margin-bottom: .5% ; + margin-top: 0; + float: right ; + clear: right ; + text-align: center } + +H3.h3center { margin-left: 0; + margin-right: 0 ; + margin-bottom: .5% ; + margin-top: 0; + float: none ; + clear: both ; + text-align: center } + +H4.h4left { margin-left: 0%; + margin-right: 1%; + margin-bottom: .5% ; + margin-top: 0; + float: left ; + clear: left ; + text-align: center } + +H4.h4right { margin-left: 1%; + margin-right: 0 ; + margin-bottom: .5% ; + margin-top: 0; + float: right ; + clear: right ; + text-align: center } + +H4.h4center { margin-left: 0; + margin-right: 0 ; + margin-bottom: .5% ; + margin-top: 0; + float: none ; + clear: both ; + text-align: center } + +H5.h5left { margin-left: 0%; + margin-right: 1%; + margin-bottom: .5% ; + margin-top: 0; + float: left ; + clear: left ; + text-align: center } + +H5.h5right { margin-left: 1%; + margin-right: 0 ; + margin-bottom: .5% ; + margin-top: 0; + float: right ; + clear: right ; + text-align: center } + +H5.h5center { margin-left: 0; + margin-right: 0 ; + margin-bottom: .5% ; + margin-top: 0; + float: none ; + clear: both ; + text-align: center } + +IMG.imgleft { float: left; + clear: left; + margin-left: 0; + margin-bottom: 0; + margin-top: 1%; + margin-right: 1%; + padding: 0; + text-align: center } + +IMG.imgright {float: right; + clear: right; + margin-left: 1%; + margin-bottom: 0; + margin-top: 1%; + margin-right: 0; + padding: 0; + text-align: center } + +IMG.imgcenter { margin-left: auto; + margin-bottom: 0; + margin-top: 1%; + margin-right: auto; } + +.pagenum { position: absolute; + left: 1%; + font-size: 95%; + text-align: left; + text-indent: 0; + font-style: normal; + font-weight: normal; + font-variant: normal; } + +.sidenote { left: 0%; + font-size: 65%; + text-align: left; + text-indent: 0%; + width: 17%; + float: left; + clear: left; + padding-left: 0%; + padding-right: 2%; + padding-top: 2%; + padding-bottom: 2%; + font-style: normal; + font-weight: normal; + font-variant: normal; } + + + +</STYLE> + +</HEAD> + +<BODY> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Once on a Time, by A. A. Milne + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Once on a Time + +Author: A. A. Milne + +Illustrator: Charles Robinson + +Release Date: January 11, 2009 [EBook #27771] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ONCE ON A TIME *** + + + + +Produced by K Hindall <kkh2@cornell.edu> from a PDF at +archive.org +http://www.archive.org/details/onceontime00miln and +edited by Padraig O hIceadha. + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<H1 ALIGN="center"> +</H1> + +<P class=transnote> +Transcriber's Note:<BR>This text was typed for Project Gutenberg by K Hindall +<kkh2_AT_cornell.edu> from a PDF at archive.org +<a href="http://www.archive.org/details/onceontime00miln" target="<i>blank"><http://www.archive.org/details/onceontime00miln></a> and edited by +Padraig O hIceadha. +</P> +<br><br> + +<p class="noindent" align=left><img src="images/0001.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Front cover, showing a dark-haired woman crowning a seated man]"></p> +<br> +<p class="noindent" align="center"><img src="images/0002.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Front endpaper, verso, of an Arabian Nights-ish scene]"> +<img src="images/0003.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Front endpaper, recto, of an Arabian Nights-ish scene]"></p> +<br><br> +<p class="noindent" align="center"><img src="images/0005X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: False title decoration of a small child holding a sword]"></P> +<br> +<p class="noindent" align="center"><img src="images/0006X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: False title, verso, decoration, whowing a child with a cookie that Udo (in animal form) is begging for]"></p> +<BR><BR> +<p class="noindent" align="center"><img src="images/0007.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Title page, appears to be the King of Barodia]"></p> + +<br><br> + +<H1 ALIGN="center"> +ONCE ON A TIME +</H1> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +<i>By</i> +</H3> + +<H2 ALIGN="center"> +A.A. Milne +</H2> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +DECORATED<BR> +BY CHARLES<BR> +ROBINSON +</H3> + +<BR> + +<H4 ALIGN="center"> +GROSSET & DUNLAP<BR> +Publishers New York<BR> +By Arrangement with G. P. Putnam's Sons +</H4> + +<br> +<p class="noindent" align="center"><img src="images/0008X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Copyright page decoration of a dark-haired girl in medieval garb]"></p> + +<br> + +<H5 ALIGN="center"> +Copyright, 1922 +<BR> +by +<BR> +A. A. Milne +</H5> + +<br> + +<br> +<p class="noindent" align="center"><img src="images/0009X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: A young blonde girl in medieval garb]"></p> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +PREFACE +</H3> + +<P> +This book was written in 1915, for the amusement of my wife and myself +at a time when life was not very amusing; it was published at the end +of 1917; was reviewed, if at all, as one of a parcel, by some brisk +uncle from the Tiny Tots Department; and died quietly, without +seriously detracting from the interest which was being taken in the +World War, then in progress. +</P> + +<P> +It may be that the circumstances in which the book was written have +made me unduly fond of it. When, as sometimes happens, I am +introduced to a stranger who starts the conversation on the right +lines by praising, however insincerely, my books, I always say, "But +you have not read the best one." Nine times out of ten it is so. The +tenth takes a place in the family calendar; St. Michael or St. Agatha, +as the case may be, a red-letter or black-letter saint, according to +whether the book was bought or borrowed. But there are few such +saints, and both my publisher and I have the feeling (so common to +publishers and authors) that there ought to be more. So here comes +the book again, in a new dress, with new decorations, yet much, as far +as I am concerned, the same book, making the same appeal to me; but, +let us hope, a new appeal, this time, to others. +</P> + +<P> +For whom, then, is the book intended? That is the trouble. Unless I +can say, "For those, young or old, who like the things which I like," +I find it difficult to answer. Is it a children's book? Well, what +do we mean by that? Is <i>The Wind in the Willows</i> a children's book? +Is <i>Alice in Wonderland?</i> Is <i>Treasure Island?</i> These are +masterpieces which we read with pleasure as children, but with how +much more pleasure when we are grown-up. In any case what do we mean +by "children"? A boy of three, a girl of six, a boy of ten, a girl of +fourteen—are they all to like the same thing? And is a book +"suitable for a boy of twelve" any more likely to please a boy of +twelve than a modern novel is likely to please a man of thirty-seven; +even if the novel be described truly as "suitable for a man of +thirty-seven"? I confess that I cannot grapple with these difficult +problems. +</P> + +<P> +But I am very sure of this: that no one can write a book which +children will like, unless he write it for himself first. That being +so, I shall say boldly that this is a story for grown-ups. How +grown-up I did not realise until I received a letter from an unknown +reader a few weeks after its first publication; a letter which said +that he was delighted with my clever satires of the Kaiser, Mr. Lloyd +George and Mr. Asquith, but he could not be sure which of the +characters were meant to be Mr. Winston Churchill and Mr. Bonar Law. +Would I tell him on the enclosed postcard? I replied that they were +thinly disguised on the title-page as Messrs. Hodder & Stoughton. In +fact, it is not that sort of book. +</P> + +<P> +But, as you see, I am still finding it difficult to explain just what +sort of book it is. Perhaps no explanation is necessary. Read in it +what you like; read it to whomever you like; be of what age you like; +it can only fall into one of two classes. Either you will enjoy it, +or you won't. +</P> + +<P> +It is that sort of book. +</P> + +<P> +A. A. Milne. +</P> + +<br><br> + +<p class="noindent" align="center"><img src="images/0013X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Contents page decoration of a child bent over a large boot]"></p> + +<br><br> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CONTENTS +</H3> + +<P> +<a href="#chap01">I.—The King of Euralia has a Visitor to Breakfast</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#chap02">II.—The Chancellor of Barodia has a Long Walk Home</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#chap03">III.—The King of Euralia Draws his Sword</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#chap04">IV.—The Princess Hyacinth Leaves it to the Countess</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#chap05">V.—Belvane Indulges her Hobby</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#chap06">VI.—There are no Wizards in Barodia</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#chap07">VII.—The Princess Receives a Letter and Writes One</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#chap08">VIII.—Prince Udo Sleeps Badly</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#chap09">IX.—They are Afraid of Udo</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#chap10">X.—Charlotte Patacake Astonishes the Critics</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#chap11">XI.—Watercress Seems to go with the Ears</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#chap12">XII.—We Decide to Write to Udo's Father</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#chap13">XIII.—"Pink" Rhymes with "Think"</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#chap14">XIV.—"Why Can't you be like Wiggs?"</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#chap15">XV.—There is a Lover Waiting for Hyacinth</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#chap16">XVI.—Belvane Enjoys Herself</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#chap17">XVII.—The King of Barodia Drops the Whisker Habit</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#chap18">XVIII.—The Veteran of the Forest Entertains Two Very Young People</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#chap19">XIX.—Udo Behaves Like a Gentleman</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#chap20">XX.—Coronel Knows a Good Story when he Hears it</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#chap21">XXI.—A Serpent Coming after Udo</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#chap22">XXII.—The Seventeen Volumes go back Again</a> +</P> +<br><br> +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<img src="images/0015X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: A dark-haired girl in medieval garb in a pastoral scene]"></p> + +<BR><BR> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +ILLUSTRATIONS +</H3> + +<P> +<a href="#img0020"> +A Map of Euralia showing the Adjacent Country of Barodia and the +far-distant Araby +</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0021X"> +He was a Man of Simple Tastes +</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0026"> +"Most extraordinary," said the King</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0046"> +He found the King nursing a Bent Whisker and in the very Vilest of Tempers +</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0060"> +"Try it on me," cried the Countess</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0078"> +Five Times he had come back to give her his Last Instructions</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0102"> +Armed to the Teeth, Amazon after Amazon marched by</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0118"> +When the Respective Armies returned to Camp they found Their Majesties +asleep</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0132"> +The Rabbit was gone, and there was a Fairy in front of her</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0154"> +As Evening fell they came to a Woodman's Cottage at the Foot of a High +Hill</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0168"> +"Coronel, here I am," said Udo pathetically, and he stepped out</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0186"> +Twenty-one Minutes later Henrietta Crossbuns was acknowledging a Bag +of Gold +</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0200"> +Princess Hyacinth gave a Shriek and faltered slowly backwards +</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0220"> +"Now we can talk," said Hyacinth +</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0242"> +He forgot his Manners, and made a Jump towards her +</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0243"> +She glided gracefully behind the Sundial in a Pretty Affectation of +Alarm +</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0262"> +When anybody of Superior Station or Age came into the Room she rose +and curtsied +</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0274"> +And then she danced +</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0284"> +"Good Morning," said Belvane +</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0308"> +The Tent seemed to swim before his Eyes, and he knew no more +</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0332"> +She turned round and went off daintily down the Hill +</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0352"> +Let me present to you my friend the Duke Coronel +</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0368"> +As the Towers of the Castle came in sight, Merriwig drew a Deep Breath +of Happiness +</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0396"> +Belvane leading the Way with her Finger to her Lips +</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0397"> +Merriwig following with an Exaggerated Caution +</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0412"> +He was a Pleasant-looking Person, with a Round Clean-shaven Face +</a> +</P> + +<P> +<a href="#img0420X"> +Roger Scurvilegs +</a> +</P> +<p class="noindent" align="center"><img src="images/0017X.jpg" alt="Illustration: End of Illustration List Decoration"></p> + +<br><br><br> + +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<img src="images/0019.jpg" alt="Illustration: Page 1 Decoration"> +</p> +<br><br> + +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0020"></a> +<img src="images/0020.jpg" alt="[Frontispiece: A Map of Euralia showing the Adjacent Country of Barodia and the far-distant Araby]"></p> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0021X"></a> +<A NAME="chap01"></A> +<img src="images/0021X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: He was a Man of Simple Tastes]"> +</p> + + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER I +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE KING OF EURALIA HAS A VISITOR TO BREAKFAST +</H3> + + +<P> +King Merriwig of Euralia sat at breakfast on his castle walls. He +lifted the gold cover from the gold dish in front of him, selected a +trout and conveyed it carefully to his gold plate. He was a man of +simple tastes, but when you have an aunt with the newly acquired gift +of turning anything she touches to gold, you must let her practise +sometimes. In another age it might have been fretwork. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah," said the King, "here you are, my dear." He searched for his +napkin, but the Princess had already kissed him lightly on the top of +the head, and was sitting in her place opposite to him. +</P> + +<P> +"Good morning, Father," she said; "I'm a little late, aren't I? I've +been riding in the forest." +</P> + +<P> +"Any adventures?" asked the King casually. +</P> + +<P> +"Nothing, except it's a beautiful morning." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, well, perhaps the country isn't what it was. Now when I was a +young man, you simply couldn't go into the forest without an adventure +of some sort. The extraordinary things one encountered! Witches, +giants, dwarfs——. It was there that I first met your mother," he +added thoughtfully. +</P> + +<P> +"I wish I remembered my mother," said Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +The King coughed and looked at her a little nervously. +</P> + +<P> +"Seventeen years ago she died, Hyacinth, when you were only six months +old. I have been wondering lately whether I haven't been a little +remiss in leaving you motherless so long." +</P> + +<P> +The Princess looked puzzled. "But it wasn't your fault, dear, that +mother died." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, no, no, I'm not saying that. As you know, a dragon carried her +off and—well, there it was. But supposing"—he looked at her +shyly—"I had married again." +</P> + +<P> +The Princess was startled. +</P> + +<P> +"Who?" she asked. +</P> + +<P> +The King peered into his flagon. "Well," he said, "there <i>are</i> +people." +</P> + +<P> +"If it had been somebody <i>very</i> nice," said the Princess wistfully, +"it might have been rather lovely." +</P> + +<P> +The King gazed earnestly at the outside of his flagon. +</P> + +<P> +"Why 'might have been?'" he said. +</P> + +<P> +The Princess was still puzzled. "But I'm grown up," she said; "I +don't want a mother so much now." +</P> + +<P> +The King turned his flagon round and studied the other side of it. +</P> + +<P> +"A mother's—er—tender hand," he said, "is—er—never——" and then +the outrageous thing happened. +</P> + +<P> +It was all because of a birthday present to the King of Barodia, and +the present was nothing less than a pair of seven-league boots. The +King being a busy man, it was a week or more before he had an +opportunity of trying those boots. Meanwhile he used to talk about +them at meals, and he would polish them up every night before he went +to bed. When the great day came for the first trial of them to be +made, he took a patronising farewell of his wife and family, ignored +the many eager noses pressed against the upper windows of the Palace, +and sailed off. The motion, as perhaps you know, is a little +disquieting at first, but one soon gets used to it. After that it is +fascinating. He had gone some two thousand miles before he realised +that there might be a difficulty about finding his way back. The +difficulty proved at least as great as he had anticipated. For the +rest of that day he toured backwards and forwards across the country; +and it was by the merest accident that a very angry King shot in +through an open pantry window in the early hours of the morning. He +removed his boots and went softly to bed. . . . +</P> + +<P> +It was, of course, a lesson to him. He decided that in the future he +must proceed by a recognised route, sailing lightly from landmark to +landmark. Such a route his Geographers prepared for him—an early +morning constitutional, of three hundred miles or so, to be taken ten +times before breakfast. He gave himself a week in which to recover +his nerve and then started out on the first of them. +</P> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0026"></a> +<img src="images/0026.jpg" +alt="[Illustration: "Most extraordinary," said the King, verso]"> +<img src="images/0027.jpg" +alt="[Illustration: "Most extraordinary," said the King, recto]"> +</P> + +<P> +Now the Kingdom of Euralia adjoined that of Barodia, but whereas +Barodia was a flat country, Euralia was a land of hills. It was +natural then that the Court Geographers, in search of landmarks, +should have looked towards Euralia; and over Euralia accordingly, +about the time when cottage and castle alike were breakfasting, the +King of Barodia soared and dipped and soared and dipped again. +</P> + +<P> + * * * * *<BR> +</P> + +<P> +"A mother's tender hand," said the King of Euralia, +"is—er—never—good gracious! What's that?" +</P> + +<P> +There was a sudden rush of air; something came for a moment between +his Majesty and the sun; and then all was quiet again. +</P> + +<P> +"What was it?" asked Hyacinth, slightly alarmed. +</P> + +<P> +"Most extraordinary," said the King. "It left in my mind an +impression of ginger whiskers and large boots. Do we know anybody +like that?" +</P> + +<P> +"The King of Barodia," said Hyacinth, "has red whiskers, but I don't +know about his boots." +</P> + +<P> +"But what could he have been doing up there? Unless——" +</P> + +<P> +There was another rush of wind in the opposite direction; once more +the sun was obscured, and this time, plain for a moment for all to +see, appeared the rapidly dwindling back view of the King of Barodia +on his way home to breakfast. +</P> + +<P> +Merriwig rose with dignity. +</P> + +<P> +"You're quite right, Hyacinth," he said sternly; "it <i>was</i> the King of +Barodia." +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth looked troubled. +</P> + +<P> +"He oughtn't to come over anybody's breakfast table quite so quickly +as that. Ought he, Father?" +</P> + +<P> +"A lamentable display of manners, my dear. I shall withdraw now and +compose a stiff note to him. The amenities must be observed." +</P> + +<P> +Looking as severe as a naturally jovial face would permit him, and +wondering a little if he had pronounced "amenities" right, he strode +to the library. +</P> + +<P> +The library was his Majesty's favourite apartment. Here in the +mornings he would discuss affairs of state with his Chancellor, or +receive any distinguished visitors who were to come to his kingdom in +search of adventure. Here in the afternoon, with a copy of <i>What to +say to a Wizard</i> or some such book taken at random from the shelves, +he would give himself up to meditation. +</P> + +<P> +And it was the distinguished visitors of the morning who gave him most +to think about in the afternoon. There were at this moment no fewer +than seven different Princes engaged upon seven different enterprises, +to whom, in the event of a successful conclusion, he had promised the +hand of Hyacinth and half his kingdom. No wonder he felt that she +needed the guiding hand of a mother. +</P> + +<P> +The stiff note to Barodia was not destined to be written. He was +still hesitating between two different kinds of nib, when the door was +flung open and the fateful name of the Countess Belvane was announced. +</P> + +<P> +The Countess Belvane! What can I say which will bring home to you +that wonderful, terrible, fascinating woman? Mastered as she was by +overweening ambition, utterly unscrupulous in her methods of achieving +her purpose, none the less her adorable humanity betrayed itself in a +passion for diary-keeping and a devotion to the simpler forms of +lyrical verse. That she is the villain of the piece I know well; in +his <i>Euralia Past and Present</i> the eminent historian, Roger +Scurvilegs, does not spare her; but that she had her great qualities I +should be the last to deny. +</P> + +<P> +She had been writing poetry that morning, and she wore green. She +always wore green when the Muse was upon her: a pleasing habit which, +whether as a warning or an inspiration, modern poets might do well to +imitate. She carried an enormous diary under her arm; and in her mind +several alternative ways of putting down her reflections on her way to +the Palace. +</P> + +<P> +"Good morning, dear Countess," said the King, rising only too gladly +from his nibs; "an early visit." +</P> + +<P> +"You don't mind, your Majesty?" said the Countess anxiously. "There +was a point in our conversation yesterday about which I was not quite +certain——" +</P> + +<P> +"What <i>were</i> we talking about yesterday?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, your Majesty," said the Countess, "affairs of state," and she +gave him that wicked, innocent, impudent, and entirely scandalous look +which he never could resist, and you couldn't either for that matter. +</P> + +<P> +"Affairs of state, of course," smiled the King. +</P> + +<P> +"Why, I made a special note of it in my diary." +</P> + +<P> +She laid down the enormous volume and turned lightly over the pages. +</P> + +<P> +"Here we are! '<i>Thursday.</i> His Majesty did me the honour to consult +me about the future of his daughter, the Princess Hyacinth. Remained +to tea and was very——' I can't quite make this word out." +</P> + +<P> +"Let <i>me</i> look," said the King, his rubicund face becoming yet more +rubicund. "It looks like 'charming,'" he said casually. +</P> + +<P> +"Fancy!" said Belvane. "Fancy my writing that! I put down just what +comes into my head at the time, you know." She made a gesture with +her hand indicative of some one who puts down just what comes into her +head at the time, and returned to her diary. "'Remained to tea, and +was very charming. Mused afterwards on the mutability of life!'" She +looked up at him with wide-open eyes. "I often muse when I'm alone," +she said. +</P> + +<P> +The King still hovered over the diary. +</P> + +<P> +"Have you any more entries like—like that last one? May I look?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, your Majesty! I'm afraid it's <i>quite</i> private." She closed the +book quickly. +</P> + +<P> +"I just thought I saw some poetry," said the King. +</P> + +<P> +"Just a little ode to a favourite linnet. It wouldn't interest your +Majesty." +</P> + +<P> +"I adore poetry," said the King, who had himself written a rhymed +couplet which could be said either forwards or backwards, and in the +latter position was useful for removing enchantments. According to +the eminent historian, Roger Scurvilegs, it had some vogue in Euralia +and went like this: +</P> + +<P class="poem"> + "<i>Bo, boll, bill, bole.</i> <BR> + <i>Wo, woll, will, wole.</i>"<BR> +</P> + +<P> +A pleasing idea, temperately expressed. +</P> + +<P> +The Countess, of course, was only pretending. Really she was longing +to read it. "It's quite a little thing," she said. +</P> + +<P class=poem> + "<i>Hail to thee, blithe linnet,</i><BR> + <i>Bird thou clearly art,</i><BR> + <i>That from bush or in it</i><BR> + <i>Pourest thy full heart!</i><BR> + <i>And leads the feathered choir in song</i><BR> + <i>Taking the treble part.</i>"<BR> +</P> + +<P> +"Beautiful," said the King, and one must agree with him. Many years +after, another poet called Shelley plagiarised the idea, but handled +it in a more artificial, and, to my way of thinking, decidedly +inferior manner. +</P> + +<P> +"Was it a real bird?" said the King. +</P> + +<P> +"An old favourite." +</P> + +<P> +"Was it pleased about it?" +</P> + +<P> +"Alas, your Majesty, it died without hearing it." +</P> + +<P> +"Poor bird!" said his Majesty; "I think it would have liked it." +</P> + +<P> +Meanwhile Hyacinth, innocent of the nearness of a mother, remained on +the castle walls and tried to get on with her breakfast. But she made +little progress with it. After all, it <i>is</i> annoying continually to +look up from your bacon, or whatever it is, and see a foreign monarch +passing overhead. Eighteen more times the King of Barodia took +Hyacinth in his stride. At the end of the performance, feeling rather +giddy, she went down to her father. +</P> + +<P> +She found him alone in the library, a foolish smile upon his face, but +no sign of a letter to Barodia in front of him. +</P> + +<P> +"Have you sent the Note yet?" she asked. +</P> + +<P> +"Note? Note?" he said, bewildered, "what—oh, you mean the Stiff Note +to the King of Barodia? I'm just planning it, my love. The exact +shade of stiffness, combined with courtesy, is a little difficult to +hit." +</P> + +<P> +"I shouldn't be too courteous," said Hyacinth; "he came over eighteen +more times after you'd gone." +</P> + +<P> +"Eighteen, eighteen, eight—my dear, it's outrageous." +</P> + +<P> +"I've never had such a crowded breakfast before." +</P> + +<P> +"It's positively insulting, Hyacinth. This is no occasion for Notes. +We will talk to him in a language that he will understand." +</P> + +<P> +And he went out to speak to the Captain of his Archers. +</P> +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<img src="images/0037X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Decoration of a pile of books]"> +</p> + + +<BR><BR><BR> +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<A NAME="chap02"></A> +<img src="images/0039X.jpg" +alt="[Illustration: Selection from next two-page drawing]"> +</p> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER II +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE CHANCELLOR OF BARODIA HAS A LONG WALK HOME +</H3> + + +<P> +Once more it was early morning on the castle walls. +</P> + +<P> +The King sat at his breakfast table, a company of archers drawn up in +front of him. +</P> + +<P> +"Now you all understand," he said. "When the King of Baro—when a +certain—well, when I say 'when,' I want you all to fire your arrows +into the air. You are to take no aim; you are just to shoot your +arrows upwards, and—er—I want to see who gets highest. Should +anything—er—should anything brush up against them on their way—not +of course that it's likely—well, in that case—er—in that case +something will—er—brush up against them. After all, what <i>should?</i>" +</P> + +<P> +"Quite so, Sire," said the Captain, "or rather, not at all." +</P> + +<P> +"Very well. To your places." +</P> + +<P> +Each archer fitted an arrow to his bow and took up his position. A +look-out man had been posted. Everything was ready. +</P> + +<P> +The King was decidedly nervous. He wandered from one archer to +another asking after this man's wife and family, praising the polish +on that man's quiver, or advising him to stand with his back a little +more to the sun. Now and then he would hurry off to the look-out man +on a distant turret, point out Barodia on the horizon to him, and +hurry back again. +</P> + +<P> +The look-out knew all about it. +</P> + +<P> +"Royalty over," he bellowed suddenly. +</P> + +<P> +"When!" roared the King, and a cloud of arrows shot into the air. +</P> + +<P> +"Well done!" cried Hyacinth, clapping her hands. "I mean, how could +you? You might have hurt him." +</P> + +<P> +"Hyacinth," said the King, turning suddenly; "you here?" +</P> + +<P> +"I have just come up. Did you hit him?" +</P> + +<P> +"Hit who?" +</P> + +<P> +"The King of Barodia, of course." +</P> + +<P> +"The King of—— My dear child, what could the King of Barodia be +doing here? My archers were aiming at a hawk that they saw in the +distance." He beckoned to the Captain. "Did you hit that hawk?" he +asked. +</P> + +<P> +"With one shot only, Sire. In the whisk—in the tail feathers." +</P> + +<P> +The King turned to Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +"With one shot only in the whisk—in the tail feathers," he said. +"What was it, my dear, that you were saying about the King of +Barodia?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Father, you are bad. You hit the poor man right in the whisker." +</P> + +<P> +"His Majesty of Barodia! And in the whisker! My dear child, this is +terrible! But what can he have been doing up there? Dear, dear, this +is really most unfortunate. I must compose a note of apology about +this." +</P> + +<P> +"I should leave the first note to him," said Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, yes, you're right. No doubt he will wish to explain how he came +to be there. Just a moment, dear." +</P> + +<P> +He went over to his archers, who were drawn up in line +again. +</P> + +<P> +"You may take your men down now," he said to the Captain. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, your Majesty." +</P> + +<P> +His Majesty looked quickly round the castle walls, and then leant +confidentially towards the Captain. +</P> + +<P> +"Er—which was the man who—er"— he fingered his cheek—"er—quite +so. The one on the left? Ah, yes." He went to the man on the left +and put a bag of gold into his hand. +</P> + +<P> +"You have a very good style with the bow, my man. Your wrist action +is excellent. I have never seen an arrow go so high." +</P> + +<P> +The company saluted and withdrew. The King and Hyacinth sat down to +breakfast. +</P> + +<P> +"A little mullet, my dear?" he said. +</P> + +<P> + * * * * *<BR> +</P> + +<P> +The Hereditary Grand Chancellor of Barodia never forgot that morning, +nor did he allow his wife to forget it. His opening, "That reminds +me, dear, of the day when——" though the signal of departure for any +guests, allowed no escape for his family. They had to have it. +</P> + +<P> +And indeed it was a busy day for him. Summoned to the Palace at nine +o'clock, he found the King nursing a bent whisker and in the very +vilest of tempers. His Majesty was for war at once, the Chancellor +leant towards the Stiff Note. +</P> + +<P> +"At least, your Majesty," he begged, "let me consult the precedents +first." +</P> + +<P> +"There is no precedent," said the King coldly, "for such an outrage as +this." +</P> + +<P> +"Not precisely, Sire; but similar unfortunate occurrences +have—occurred." +</P> + +<P> +"It was worse than an occurrence." +</P> + +<P> +"I should have said an outrage, your Majesty. Your late lamented +grandfather was unfortunate enough to come beneath the spell of the +King of Araby, under which he was compelled—or perhaps I should say +preferred—to go about on his hands and knees for several weeks. Your +Majesty may recall how the people in their great loyalty adopted a +similar mode of progression. Now although your Majesty's case is not +precisely on all fours——" +</P> + +<P> +"Not at all on all fours," said the King coldly. +</P> + +<P> +"An unfortunate metaphor; I should say that although your Majesty's +case is not parallel, the procedure adopted in your revered +grandfather's case——" +</P> + +<P> +"I don't care what <i>you</i> do with your whiskers; I don't care what +<i>anybody</i> does with his whiskers," said the King, still soothing his +own tenderly; "I want the King of Euralia's blood." He looked round +the Court. "To any one who will bring me the head of the King, I will +give the hand of my daughter in marriage." +</P> + +<P> +There was a profound silence. . . . +</P> + +<P> +"Which daughter?" said a cautious voice at last. +</P> + +<P> +"The eldest," said the King. +</P> + +<P> +There was another profound silence. . . . +</P> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0046"></a><img src="images/0046.jpg" alt="[Illustration: He found the King nursing a bent whisker and in the +very vilest of tempers, verso]"><img src="images/0047.jpg" alt="[Illustration: He found the King +nursing a bent whisker and in the very vilest of tempers, recto]"> +</P> + +<P> +"My suggestion, your Majesty," said the Chancellor, "is that for the +present there should be merely an exchange of Stiff Notes; and that +meanwhile we scour the kingdom for an enchanter who shall take some +pleasant revenge for us upon his Majesty of Euralia. For instance, +Sire, a king whose head has been permanently fixed on upside-down +lacks somewhat of that regal dignity which alone can command the +respect of his subjects. A couple of noses, again, placed at +different angles, so they cannot both be blown together——" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, yes," said the King impatiently, "<i>I'll</i> think of the things, if +once you can find the enchanter. But they are not so common nowadays. +Besides, enchanters are delicate things to work with. They have a +habit of forgetting which side they are on." +</P> + +<P> +The Chancellor's mouth drooped piteously. +</P> + +<P> +"Well," said the King condescendingly, "I'll tell you what we'll do. +You may send <i>one</i> Stiff Note and then we will declare war." +</P> + +<P> +"Thank you, your Majesty," said the Chancellor. +</P> + +<P> +So the Stiff Note was dispatched. It pointed out that his Majesty of +Barodia, while in the act of taking his early morning constitutional, +had been severely insulted by an arrow. This arrow, though +fortunately avoiding the more vital parts of his Majesty's person, +went so far as to wound a favourite whisker. For this the fullest +reparation must be made . . . and so forth and so on. +</P> + +<P> +Euralia's reply was not long delayed. It expressed the deepest +concern at the unhappy accident which had overtaken a friendly +monarch. On the morning in question, his Majesty had been testing his +archers in a shooting competition at a distant hawk; which +competition, it might interest his Majesty of Barodia to know, had +been won by Henry Smallnose, a bowman of considerable promise. In the +course of the competition it was noticed that a foreign body of some +sort brushed up against one of the arrows, but as this in no way +affected the final placing of the competitors, little attention was +paid to it. His Majesty of Barodia might rest assured that the King +had no wish to pursue the matter farther. Indeed, he was always glad +to welcome his Barodian Majesty on these occasions. Other shooting +competitions would be arranged from time to time, and if his Majesty +happened to be passing at the moment, the King of Euralia hoped that +he would come down and join them. Trusting that her Majesty and their +Royal Highnesses were well, . . . and so on and so forth. +</P> + +<P> +The Grand Chancellor of Barodia read this answer to his Stiff Note +with a growing feeling of uneasiness. It was he who had exposed his +Majesty to this fresh insult; and, unless he could soften it in some +way, his morning at the Palace might be a painful one. +</P> + +<P> +As he entered the precincts, he wondered whether the King would be +wearing the famous boots, and whether they kicked seven leagues as +easily as they strode them. He felt more and more that there were +notes which you could break gently, and notes which you +couldn't. . . . +</P> + +<P> +Five minutes later, as he started on his twenty-one mile walk home, he +realised that this was one of the ones which you couldn't. +</P> + +<P> + * * * * *<BR> +</P> + +<P> +This, then, was the real reason of the war between Euralia and +Barodia. I am aware that in saying this I differ from the eminent +historian, Roger Scurvilegs. In Chapter IX of his immortal work, +<i>Euralia Past and Present</i>, he attributes the quarrel between the two +countries to quite other causes. The King of Barodia, he says, +demanded the hand of the Princess Hyacinth for his eldest son. The +King of Euralia made some commonplace condition as that his Royal +Highness should first ride his horse up a glassy mountain in the +district, a condition which his Majesty of Barodia strongly resented. +I am afraid that Roger is incurably romantic; I have had to speak to +him about it before. There was nothing of the sentimental in the whole +business, and the facts are exactly as I have narrated them. +</P> +<p class="noindent" align="center"><img src="images/0052X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: End of chapter decoration. Looks to be Belvane reading her diary, but it is very small.]"> + + + + +<BR><BR><BR> +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<A NAME="chap03"></A> +<img src="images/0053X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Detail of Merriwig from next large drawing]"> +</p> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER III +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE KING OF EURALIA DRAWS HIS SWORD +</H3> + +<P> +No doubt you have already guessed that it was the Countess Belvane who +dictated the King of Euralia's answer. Left to himself, Merriwig +would have said, "Serve you jolly well right for stalking over my +kingdom." His repartee was never very subtle. Hyacinth would have +said, "Of course we're <i>awfully</i> sorry, but a whisker isn't <i>very</i> +bad, is it? and you really <i>oughtn't</i> to come to breakfast without +being asked." The Chancellor would have scratched his head for a long +time, and then said, "Referring to Chap VII, Para 259 of the <i>King's +Regulations</i> we notice . . ." +</P> + +<P> +But Belvane had her own way of doing things; and if you suggest that +she wanted to make Barodia's declaration of war inevitable, well, the +story will show whether you are right in supposing that she had her +reasons. It came a little hard on the Chancellor of Barodia, but the +innocent must needs suffer for the ambitions of the unprincipled—a +maxim I borrow from <i>Euralia Past and Present;</i> Roger in his moral +vein. +</P> + +<P> +"Well," said Merriwig to the Countess, "that's done it." +</P> + +<P> +"It really is war?" asked Belvane. +</P> + +<P> +"It is. Hyacinth is looking out my armour at this moment." +</P> + +<P> +"What did the King of Barodia say?" +</P> + +<P> +"He didn't <i>say</i> anything. He wrote 'W A R' in red on a dirty bit of +paper, pinned it to my messenger's ear, and sent him back again." +</P> + +<P> +"How very crude," said the Countess. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I thought it was—er—rather forcible," said the King awkwardly. +Secretly he had admired it a good deal and wished that he had been the +one to do it. +</P> + +<P> +"Of course," said the Countess, with a charming smile, "that sort of +thing depends so <i>very</i> much on who does it. Now from your Majesty it +would have seemed—dignified." +</P> + +<P> +"He must have been very angry," said the King, picking up first one +and then another of a number of swords which lay in front of him. "I +wish I had seen his face when he got my Note." +</P> + +<P> +"So do I," sighed the Countess. She wished it much more than the +King. It is the tragedy of writing a good letter that you cannot be +there when it is opened: a maxim of my own, the thought never having +occurred to Roger Scurvilegs, who was a dull correspondent. +</P> + +<P> +The King was still taking up and putting down his swords. +</P> + +<P> +"It's very awkward," he muttered; "I wonder if Hyacinth——" He went +to the door and called "Hyacinth!" +</P> + +<P> +"Coming, Father," called back Hyacinth, from a higher floor. +</P> + +<P> +The Countess rose and curtsied deeply. +</P> + +<P> +"Good morning, your Royal Highness." +</P> + +<P> +"Good morning, Countess," said Hyacinth brightly. She liked the +Countess (you couldn't help it), but rather wished she didn't. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Hyacinth," said the King, "come and tell me about these swords. +Which is my magic one?" +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth looked at him blankly. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Father," she said. "I don't know at all. Does it matter very +much?" +</P> + +<P> +"My dear child, of course it matters. Supposing I am fighting the +King of Barodia and I have my magic sword, then I'm bound to win. +Supposing I haven't, then I'm not bound to." +</P> + +<P> +"Supposing you both had magic swords," said Belvane. It was the sort +of thing she <i>would</i> say. +</P> + +<P> +The King looked up slowly at her and began to revolve the idea in his +mind. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, really," he said, "I hadn't thought of that. Upon my word, +I——" He turned to his daughter. "Hyacinth, what would happen if we +both had magic swords?" +</P> + +<P> +"I suppose you'd go on fighting for ever," said Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +"Or until the magic wore out of one of them," said Belvane innocently. +</P> + +<P> +"There must be something about it somewhere," said the King, whose +morning was in danger of being quite spoilt by this new suggestion; +"I'd ask the Chancellor to look it up, only he's so busy just now." +</P> + +<P> +"He'd have plenty of time while the combat was going on," said Belvane +thoughtfully. Wonderful creature! she saw already the Chancellor +hurrying up to announce that the King of Euralia had won, at the very +moment when he lay stretched on the ground by a mortal thrust from his +adversary. +</P> + +<P> +The King turned to his swords again. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, anyway, I'm going to be sure of <i>mine</i>," he said. "Hyacinth, +haven't you <i>any</i> idea which it is?" He added in rather a hurt voice, +"Naturally I left the marking of my swords to <i>you</i>." +</P> + +<P> +His daughter examined the swords one by one. +</P> + +<P> +"Here it is," she cried. "It's got 'M' on it for 'magic.'" +</P> + +<P> +"Or 'Merriwig,'" said the Countess to her diary. +</P> + +<P> +The expression of joy on the King's face at his daughter's discovery +had just time to appear and fade away again. +</P> + +<P> +"You are not being very helpful this morning, Countess," he said +severely. +</P> + +<P> +Instantly the Countess was on her feet, her diary thrown to the +floor—no, never thrown—laid gently on the floor, and herself, hands +clasped at her breast, a figure of reproachful penitence before him. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, your Majesty, forgive me—if your Majesty had only asked me—I +didn't know your Majesty wanted me—I thought her Royal Highness—— +But <i>of course</i> I'll find your Majesty's sword for you." Did she +stroke his head as she said this? I have often wondered. It would be +like her impudence, and her motherliness, and her—-and, in fact, like +her. <i>Euralia Past and Present</i> is silent upon the point. Roger +Scurvilegs, who had only seen Belvane at the unimpressionable age of +two, would have had it against her if he could, so perhaps there is +nothing in it. +</P> + +<P> +"There!" she said, and she picked out the magic sword almost at once. +</P> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0060"></a><img src="images/0060.jpg" alt="[Illustration: "Try it on me," cried the Countess, verso]"><img src="images/0061.jpg" alt="[Illustration: "Try it on me," cried the Countess, recto]"> +</P> + +<P> +"Then I'll get back to my work," said Hyacinth cheerfully, and left +them to each other. +</P> + +<P> +The King, smiling happily, girded on his sword. But a sudden doubt +assailed him. +</P> + +<P> +"Are you sure it's the one?" +</P> + +<P> +"Try it on <i>me</i>," cried the Countess superbly, falling on her knees +and stretching up her arms to him. The toe of her little shoe touched +her diary; its presence there uplifted her. Even as she knelt she saw +herself describing the scene. How do you spell "offered"? she +wondered. +</P> + +<P> +I think the King was already in love with her, though he found it so +difficult to say the decisive words. But even so he could only have +been in love a week or two; a fortnight in the last forty years; and +he had worn a sword since he was twelve. In a crisis it is the old +love and not the greater love which wins (Roger's, but I think I agree +with him), and instinctively the King drew his sword. If it were +magic a scratch would kill. Now he would know. +</P> + +<P> +Her enemies said that the Countess could not go pale; she had her +faults, but this was not one of them. She whitened as she saw the +King standing over her with drawn sword. A hundred thoughts chased +each other through her mind. She wondered if the King would be sorry +afterwards; she wondered what the minstrels would sing of her, and if +her diary would ever be made public; most of all she wondered why she +had been such a fool, such a melodramatic fool. +</P> + +<P> +The King came to himself with a sudden start. Looking slightly +ashamed he put his sword back in its scabbard, coughed once or twice +to cover his confusion, and held his hand out to the Countess to +assist her to rise. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't be absurd, Countess," he said. "As if we could spare you at a +time like this. Sit down and let us talk matters over seriously." +</P> + +<P> +A trifle bewildered by the emotions she had gone through, Belvane sat +down, the beloved diary clasped tightly in her arms. Life seemed +singularly sweet just then, the only drawback being that the minstrels +would not be singing about her after all. Still, one cannot have +everything. +</P> + +<P> +The King walked up and down the room as he talked. +</P> + +<P> +"I am going away to fight," he said, "and I leave my dear daughter +behind. In my absence, her Royal Highness will of course rule the +country. I want her to feel that she can lean upon you, Countess, for +advice and support. I know that I can trust you, for you have just +given me a great proof of your devotion and courage." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, your Majesty!" said Belvane deprecatingly, but feeling very glad +that it hadn't been wasted. +</P> + +<P> +"Hyacinth is young and inexperienced. She needs a—a——" +</P> + +<P> +"A mother's guiding hand," said Belvane softly. +</P> + +<P> +The King started and looked away. It was really too late to propose +now; he had so much to do before the morrow. Better leave it till he +came back from the war. +</P> + +<P> +"You will have no official position," he went on hastily, "other than +your present one of Mistress of the Robes; but your influence on her +will be very great." +</P> + +<P> +The Countess had already decided on this. However there <i>is</i> a look +of modest resignation to an unsought duty which is suited to an +occasion of this kind, and the Countess had no difficulty in supplying +it. +</P> + +<P> +"I will do all that I can, your Majesty, to help—gladly; but will not +the Chancellor——" +</P> + +<P> +"The Chancellor will come with me. He is no fighter, but he is good +at spells." He looked round to make sure that they were alone, and +then went on confidentially, "He tells me that he has discovered in +the archives of the palace a Backward Spell of great value. Should he +be able to cast this upon the enemy at the first onslaught, he thinks +that our heroic army would have no difficulty in advancing." +</P> + +<P> +"But there will be other learned men," said Belvane innocently, "so +much more accustomed to affairs than us poor women, so much better +able"—("What nonsense I'm talking," she said to herself)—"to advise +her Royal Highness——" +</P> + +<P> +"Men like that," said the King, "I shall want with me also. If I am +to invade Barodia properly I shall need every man in the kingdom. +Euralia must be for the time a country of women only." He turned to +her with a smile and said gallantly, "That will be—er—— It +is—er—not—er——. One may well—er——" +</P> + +<P> +It was so obvious from his manner that something complimentary was +struggling to the surface of his mind, that Belvane felt it would be +kinder not to wait for it. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, your Majesty," she said, "you flatter my poor sex." +</P> + +<P> +"Not at all," said the King, trying to remember what he had said. He +held out his hand. "Well, Countess, I have much to do." +</P> + +<P> +"I, too, your Majesty." +</P> + +<P> +She made him a deep curtsey and, clasping tightly the precious diary, +withdrew. +</P> + +<P> +The King, who still seemed worried about something, returned to his +table and took up his pen. Here Hyacinth discovered him ten minutes +later. His table was covered with scraps of paper and, her eyes +lighting casually upon one of them, she read these remarkable words: +</P> + +<P> +"<i>In such a land I should be a most contented subject.</i>" +</P> + +<P> +She looked at some of the others. They were even shorter: +</P> + +<P> +"<i>That, dear Countess, would be my——</i>" +</P> + +<P> +"<i>A country in which even a King——</i>" +</P> + +<P> +"<i>Lucky country!</i>" +</P> + +<P> +The last was crossed out and "<i>Bad</i>" written against it. +</P> + +<P> +"Whatever are these, Father?" said Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +The King jumped up in great confusion. +</P> + +<P> +"Nothing, dear, nothing," he said. "I was just—er—— Of course I +shall have to address my people, and I was just jotting down a few—— +However, I shan't want them now." He swept them together, screwed +them up tight, and dropped them into a basket. +</P> + +<P> +And what became of them? you ask. Did they light the fires of the +Palace next morning? Well, now, here's a curious thing. In Chapter X +of <i>Euralia Past and Present</i> I happened across these words: +</P> + +<P> +"The King and all the men of the land having left to fight the wicked +Barodians, Euralia was now a country of women only—<i>a country in +which even a King might be glad to be a subject</i>." +</P> + +<P> +Now what does this mean? Is it another example of literary theft? I +have already had to expose Shelley. Must I now drag into the light of +day a still worse plagiarism by Roger Scurvilegs? The waste-paper +baskets of the Palace were no doubt open to him as to so many +historians. But should he not have made acknowledgments? +</P> + +<P> +I do not wish to be hard on Roger. That I differ from him on many +points of historical fact has already been made plain, and will be +made still more plain as my story goes on. But I have a respect for +the man; and on some matters, particularly those concerning Prince Udo +of Araby's first appearance in Euralia, I have to rely entirely upon +him for my information. Moreover I have never hesitated to give him +credit for such of his epigrams as I have introduced into this book, +and I like to think that he would be equally punctilious to others. +We know his romantic way; no doubt the thought occurred to him +independently. Let us put it at that, anyhow. +</P> + +<P> +Belvane, meanwhile, was getting on. The King had drawn his sword on +her and she had not flinched. As a reward she was to be the power +behind the throne. +</P> + +<P> +"Not necessarily <i>behind</i> the throne," said Belvane to herself. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<A NAME="chap04"></A> +<img src="images/0071X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Detail of Hyacinth on the castle walls]"> +</p> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER IV +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE PRINCESS HYACINTH LEAVES IT TO THE COUNTESS +</H3> + +<P> +It is now time to introduce Wiggs to you, and I find myself in a +difficulty at once. What <i>was</i> Wiggs's position in the Palace? +</P> + +<P> +This story is hard to tell, for I have to piece it together from the +narratives of others, and to supply any gaps in their stories from my +knowledge of how the different characters might be expected to act. +Perhaps, therefore, it is a good moment in which to introduce to you +the authorities upon whom I rely. +</P> + +<P> +First and foremost, of course, comes Roger Scurvilegs. His monumental +work, <i>Euralia Past and Present</i>, in seventeen volumes, towers upon my +desk as I write. By the merest chance I picked it up (in a +metaphorical sense) at that little shop near—I forget its name, but +it's the third bookshop on the left as you come into London from the +New Barnet end. Upon him I depend for the broad lines of my story, +and I have already indicated my opinion of the value of his work. +</P> + +<P> +Secondly, come the many legends and ballads handed on to me years ago +by my aunt by marriage, one of the Cornish Smallnoses. She claims to +be a direct descendant of that Henry Smallnose whose lucky shot +brought about the events which I am to describe. I say she claims to +be, and one cannot doubt a lady's word in these matters; certainly she +used to speak about Henry with that mixture of pride and extreme +familiarity which comes best from a relation. In all matters not +touching Henry, I feel that I can rely upon her; in its main lines her +narrative is strictly confirmed by Scurvilegs, and she brought to it a +picturesqueness and an appreciation of the true character of Belvane +which is lacking in the other; but her attitude towards Henry +Smallnose was absurd. Indeed she would have had him the hero of the +story. This makes Roger and myself smile. We give him credit for the +first shot, and then we drop him. +</P> + +<P> +Thirdly, Belvane herself. Women like Belvane never die, and I met her +(or a reincarnation of her) at a country house in Shropshire last +summer. I forget what she calls herself now, but I recognised her at +once; and, as I watched her, the centuries rolled away and she and I +were in Euralia, that pleasant country, together. "Stayed to tea and +was very charming." Would she have said that of me, I wonder? But +I'm getting sentimental—Roger's great fault. +</P> + +<P> +These then are my authorities; I consult them, and I ask myself, What +was Wiggs? +</P> + +<P> +Roger speaks of her simply as an attendant upon the Princess. Now we +know that the Princess was seventeen; Wiggs then would be about the +same age—a lady-in-waiting—perhaps even a little older. Why not? +you say. The Lady Wiggs, maid-of-honour to her Royal Highness the +Princess Hyacinth, eighteen and a bit, tall and stately. Since she is +to endanger Belvane's plans, let her be something of a match for the +wicked woman. +</P> + +<P> +Yes, but you would never talk like that if you had heard one of my +aunt's stories. Nor if you had seen Belvane would you think that any +grown-up woman could be a match for her. +</P> + +<P> +Wiggs was a child; I feel it in my bones. In all the legends and +ballads handed down to me by my aunt she appears to me as a little +girl—Alice in a fairy story. Roger or no Roger I must have her a +child. +</P> + +<P> +And even Roger cannot keep up the farce that she is a real +lady-in-waiting. In one place he tells us that she dusts the throne +of the Princess; can you see her ladyship, eighteen last February, +doing that? At other times he allows her to take orders from the +Countess; I ask you to imagine a maid-of-honour taking orders from any +but her own mistress. Conceive her dignity! +</P> + +<P> +A little friend, then, of Hyacinth's, let us say; ready to do anything +for anybody who loved, or appeared to love, her mistress. +</P> + +<P> +The King had departed for the wars. His magic sword girded to his +side, his cloak of darkness, not worn but rolled up behind him, lest +the absence of his usual extensive shadow should disturb his horse, he +rode at the head of his men to meet the enemy. Hyacinth had seen him +off from the Palace steps. Five times he had come back to give her +his last instructions, and a sixth time for his sword, but now he was +gone, and she was alone on the castle walls with Wiggs. +</P> + +<P> +"Saying good-bye to fathers is very tiring," said Hyacinth. "I do +hope he'll be all right. Wiggs, although we oughtn't to mention it to +anybody, and although he's only just gone, we do think it will be +rather fun being Queen, don't we?" +</P> + +<P> +"It must be lovely," said Wiggs, gazing at her with large eyes. "Can +you really do whatever you like now?" +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth nodded. +</P> + +<P> +"I always <i>did</i> whatever I liked," she said, "But now I really <i>can</i> +do it." +</P> + +<P> +"Could you cut anybody's head off?" +</P> + +<P> +"Easily," said the Princess confidently. +</P> + +<P> +"I should hate to cut anybody's head off." +</P> + +<P> +"So should I, Wiggs. Let's decide to have no heads off just at +present—till we're more used to it." +</P> + +<P> +Wiggs still kept her eyes fixed upon the Princess. +</P> + +<P> +"Which is stronger," she asked, "you or a Fairy?" +</P> + +<P> +"I knew you were going to ask something horrid like that," said +Hyacinth, pretending to be angry. She looked quickly round to see +that nobody was listening, and then whispered in Wiggs's ear, "I am." +</P> + +<P> +"O—oh!" said Wiggs. "How lovely!" +</P> + +<P> +"Isn't it? Did you ever hear the story of Father and the Fairy?" +</P> + +<P> +"His Majesty?" +</P> + +<P> +"His Majesty the King of Euralia. It happened in the forest one day +just after he became King." +</P> + +<P> +Did <i>you</i> ever hear the story? I expect not. Well, then, you must +hear it. But there will be too many inverted commas in it if I let +Hyacinth tell you, so I shall tell you myself. +</P> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0078"></a><img src="images/0078.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Five times he had come back to give her his last instructions, verso]"> +<img src="images/0079.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Five times he had come back to give her his last instructions, recto]"> +</P> + +<P> +It was just after he became King. He was so proud that he used to go +about saying, "I am the King. I am the King." And sometimes, "The +King am I. The King I am." He was saying this one day in the forest +when a Fairy overheard him. So she appeared in front of him and said, +"I believe you are the King?" +</P> + +<P> +"I am the King," said Merriwig. "I am the King, I am the——" +</P> + +<P> +"And yet," said the Fairy, "what is a King after all?" +</P> + +<P> +"It is a very powerful thing to be a King," said Merriwig proudly. +</P> + +<P> +"Supposing I were to turn you into a—a small sheep. Then where would +you be?" +</P> + +<P> +The King thought anxiously for a moment. +</P> + +<P> +"I should like to be a small sheep," he said. +</P> + +<P> +The Fairy waved her wand. +</P> + +<P> +"Then you can be one," she said, "until you own that a Fairy is much +more powerful than a King." +</P> + +<P> +So all at once he was a small sheep. +</P> + +<P> +"Well?" said the Fairy. +</P> + +<P> +"Well?" said the King. +</P> + +<P> +"Which is more powerful, a King or a Fairy?" +</P> + +<P> +"A King," said Merriwig. "Besides being more woolly," he added. +</P> + +<P> +There was silence for a little. Merriwig began to eat some grass. +</P> + +<P> +"I don't think much of Fairies," he said with his mouth full. "I +don't think they're very powerful." +</P> + +<P> +The Fairy looked at him angrily. +</P> + +<P> +"They can't make you say things you don't want to say," he explained. +</P> + +<P> +The Fairy stamped her foot. +</P> + +<P> +"Be a toad," she said, waving her wand. "A nasty, horrid, crawling +toad." +</P> + +<P> +"I've <i>always</i> wanted—" began Merriwig—"to be a toad," he ended from +lower down. +</P> + +<P> +"Well?" said the Fairy. +</P> + +<P> +"I don't think much of Fairies," said the King. "I don't think +they're very powerful." He waited for the Fairy to look at him, but +she pretended to be thinking of something else. After waiting a +minute or two, he added, "They can't make you say things you don't +want to say." +</P> + +<P> +The Fairy stamped her foot still more angrily, and moved her wand a +third time. +</P> + +<P> +"Be silent!" she commanded. "And stay silent for ever!" +</P> + +<P> +There was no sound in the forest. The Fairy looked at the blue sky +through the green roof above her; she looked through the tall trunks +of the trees to the King's castle beyond; her eyes fell upon the +little glade on her left, upon the mossy bank on her right . . . but +she would not look down to the toad at her feet. +</P> + +<P> +No, she wouldn't. . . . +</P> + +<P> +She <i>wouldn't</i>. . . . +</P> + +<P> +And yet—— +</P> + +<P> +It was too much for her. She could resist no longer. She looked at +the nasty, horrid, crawling toad, the dumb toad at her feet that was +once a King. +</P> + +<P> +And, catching her eye, the toad—<i>winked</i>. +</P> + +<P> +Some winks are more expressive than others. The Fairy knew quite well +what this one meant. It meant: +</P> + +<P> +"I don't think much of Fairies. I don't think they're very powerful. +They can't make you say things you don't want to say." +</P> + +<P> +The Fairy waved her wand in disgust. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, be a King again," she said impatiently, and vanished. +</P> + +<P> +And so that is the story of how the King of Euralia met the Fairy in +the forest. Roger Scurvilegs tells it well—indeed, almost as well as +I do—but he burdens it with a moral. You must think it out for +yourself; I shall not give it to you. +</P> + +<P> +Wiggs didn't bother about the moral. Her elbows on her knees, her +chin resting on her hands, she gazed at the forest and imagined the +scene to herself. +</P> + +<P> +"How wonderful to be a King like that!" she thought. +</P> + +<P> +"That was a long time ago," explained Hyacinth. "Father must have +been rather lovely in those days," she added. +</P> + +<P> +"It was a very bad Fairy," said Wiggs. +</P> + +<P> +"It was a very stupid one. I wouldn't have given in to Father like +that." +</P> + +<P> +"But there are good Fairies, aren't there? I met one once." +</P> + +<P> +"You, child? Where?" +</P> + +<P> +I don't know if it would have made any difference to Euralian history +if Wiggs had been allowed to tell about her Fairy then; as it was, she +didn't tell the story till later on, when Belvane happened to be near. +I regret to say that Belvane listened. It was the sort of story that +<i>always</i> got overheard, she explained afterwards, as if that were any +excuse. On this occasion she was just too early to overhear, but in +time to prevent the story being told without her. +</P> + +<P> +"The Countess Belvane," said an attendant, and her ladyship made a +superb entry. +</P> + +<P> +"Good morning, Countess," said Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +"Good morning, your Royal Highness. Ah, Wiggs, sweet child," she +added carelessly, putting out a hand to pat the sweet child's head, +but missing it. +</P> + +<P> +"Wiggs was just telling me a story," said the Princess. +</P> + +<P> +"Sweet child," said Belvane, feeling vaguely for her with the other +hand. "<i>Could</i> I interrupt the story with a little business, your +Royal Highness?" +</P> + +<P> +At a nod from the Princess, Wiggs withdrew. +</P> + +<P> +"Well?" said Hyacinth nervously. +</P> + +<P> +Belvane had always a curious effect on the Princess when they were +alone together. There was something about her large manner which made +Hyacinth feel like a schoolgirl who has been behaving badly: alarmed +and apologetic. I feel like this myself when I have an interview with +my publishers, and Roger Scurvilegs (upon the same subject) drags in a +certain uncle of his before whom (so he says) he always appears at his +worst. It is a common experience. +</P> + +<P> +"Just one or two little schemes to submit to your Majesty," said the +Countess. "How silly of me—I mean, your Royal Highness. Of course +your Royal Highness may not like them at all, but in case your Royal +Highness did, I just—well, I just wrote them out." +</P> + +<P> +She unfolded, one by one, a series of ornamental parchments. +</P> + +<P> +"They are beautifully written," said the Princess. +</P> + +<P> +Belvane blushed at the compliment. She had a passion for coloured +inks and rulers. In her diary the day of the week was always +underlined in red, the important words in the day's doings being +frequently picked out in gold. On taking up the diary you saw at once +that you were in the presence of somebody. +</P> + +<P> +The first parchment was headed: +</P> + +<P> +SCHEME FOR ECONOMY IN REALM +</P> + +<P> +"Economy" caught the eye in pale pink. The next parchment was headed: +</P> + +<P> +SCHEME FOR SAFETY OF REALM +</P> + +<P> +"Safety" clamoured to you in blue. +</P> + +<P> +The third parchment was headed: +</P> + +<P> +SCHEME FOR ENCOURAGEMENT OF LITERATURE IN REALM +</P> + +<P> +"Encouragement of Literature" had got rather cramped in the small +quarters available for it. A heading, Belvane felt, should be in one +line; she had started in letters too big for it, and the fact that the +green ink was giving out made it impossible to start afresh. +</P> + +<P> +There were ten parchments altogether. +</P> + +<P> +By the end of the third one, the Princess began to feel uncomfortable. +</P> + +<P> +By the end of the fifth one she knew that it was a mistake her ever +having come into the Royal Family at all. +</P> + +<P> +By the end of the seventh she decided that if the Countess would +forgive her this time she would never be naughty again. +</P> + +<P> +By the end of the ninth one she was just going to cry. +</P> + +<P> +The tenth one was in a very loud orange and was headed: +</P> + +<P> +SCHEME FOR ASSISTING CALISTHENICS IN REALM +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," said the Princess faintly; "I think it would be a good idea." +</P> + +<P> +"I thought if your Royal Highness approved," said Belvane, "we might +just——" +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth felt herself blushing guiltily—she couldn't think why. +</P> + +<P> +"I leave it to you, Countess," she murmured. "I am sure you know +best." +</P> + +<P> +It was a remark which she would never have made to her Father. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<A NAME="chap05"></A> +<img src="images/0089X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Detail of Hyacinth, reviewing the Army of Amazons]"> +</p> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER V +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +BELVANE INDULGES HER HOBBY +</H3> + +<P> +In a glade in the forest the Countess Belvane was sitting: her throne, +a fallen log, her courtiers, that imaginary audience which was always +with her. For once in her life she was nervous; she had an anxious +morning in front of her. +</P> + +<P> +I can tell you the reason at once. Her Royal Highness was going to +review her Royal Highness's Army of Amazons (see <i>Scheme II, Safety of +Realm</i>). In half an hour she would be here. +</P> + +<P> +And why not? you say. Could anything be more gratifying? +</P> + +<P> +I will tell you why not. There was no Army of Amazons. In order that +her Royal Highness should not know the sad truth, Belvane drew their +pay for them. 'Twas better thus. +</P> + +<P> +In any trouble Belvane comforted herself by reading up her diary. She +undid the enormous volume, and, idly turning the pages, read some of +the more delightful extracts to herself. +</P> + +<P> +"<i>Monday, June 1st</i>," she read. "Became bad." +</P> + +<P> +She gave a sigh of resignation to the necessity of being bad. Roger +Scurvilegs is of the opinion that she might have sighed a good many +years before. According to him she was born bad. +</P> + +<P> +"<i>Tuesday, June 2nd</i>," she read on. "Realised in the privacy of my +heart that I was destined to rule the country. <i>Wednesday, June 3rd.</i> +Decided to oust the Princess. <i>Thursday, June 4th.</i> Began ousting." +</P> + +<P> +What a confession for any woman—even for one who had become bad last +Monday! No wonder Belvane's diary was not for everybody. Let us look +over her shoulder and read some more of the wicked woman's +confessions. +</P> + +<P> +"<i>Friday, June 5th.</i> Made myself a——" Oh, that's quite private. +However we may read this: "<i>Thought for the week.</i> Beware lest you +should tumble down In reaching for another's crown." An admirable +sentiment which Roger Scurvilegs would have approved, although he +could not have rhymed it so neatly. +</P> + +<P> +The Countess turned on a few more pages and prepared to write up +yesterday's events. +</P> + +<P> +"<i>Tuesday, June 23rd</i>," she said to herself. "Now what happened? +Acclaimed with enthusiasm outside the Palace—how do you spell +'enthusiasm'?" She bit the end of her pencil and pondered. She +turned back the pages till she came to the place. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," she said thoughtfully. "It had three 's's' last time, so it's +'z's' turn." +</P> + +<P> +She wrote "enthuzziazm" lightly in pencil; later on it would be picked +out in gold. +</P> + +<P> +She closed the diary hastily. Somebody was coming. +</P> + +<P> +It was Wiggs. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, if you please, your Ladyship, her Royal Highness sent me to tell +you that she would be here at eleven o'clock to review her new army." +</P> + +<P> +It was the last thing of which Belvane wanted reminding. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, Wiggs, sweet child," she said, "you find me overwhelmed." She +gave a tragic sigh. "Leader of the Corps de Ballet"—she indicated +with her toe how this was done, "Commander-in-Chief of the Army of +Amazons"—here she saluted, and it was certainly the least she could +do for the money, "Warden of the Antimacassars and Grand Mistress of +the Robes, I have a busy life. Just come and dust this log for her +Royal Highness. All this work wears me out, Wiggs, but it is my duty +and I do it." +</P> + +<P> +"Woggs says you make a very good thing out of it," said Wiggs +innocently, as she began to dust. "It must be nice to make very good +things out of things." +</P> + +<P> +The Countess looked coldly at her. It is one thing to confide to your +diary that you are bad, it's quite another to have Woggsseses shouting +it out all over the country. +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know what Woggs is," said Belvane sternly, "but send it to me +at once." +</P> + +<P> +As soon as Wiggs was gone, Belvane gave herself up to her passions. +She strode up and down the velvety sward, saying to herself, "Bother! +Bother! Bother! Bother!" Her outbreak of violence over, she sat +gloomily down on the log and abandoned herself to despair. Her hair +fell in two plaits down her back to her waist; on second thoughts she +arranged them in front—if one is going to despair one may as well do +it to the best advantage. +</P> + +<P> +Suddenly a thought struck her. +</P> + +<P> +"I am alone," she said. "Dare I soliloquise? I will. It is a thing +I have not done for weeks. 'Oh, what a——" She got up quickly. +"<i>Nobody</i> could soliloquise on a log like that," she said crossly. +She decided she could do it just as effectively when standing. With +one pale hand raised to the skies she began again. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, what a—" +</P> + +<P> +"Did you call me, Mum?" said Woggs, appearing suddenly. +</P> + +<P> +"<i>Bother!</i>" said Belvane. She gave a shrug of resignation. "Another +time," she told herself. She turned to Woggs. +</P> + +<P> +Woggs must have been quite close at hand to have been found by Wiggs +so quickly, and I suspect her of playing in the forest when she ought +to have been doing her lessons, or mending stockings, or whatever made +up her day's work. Woggs I find nearly as difficult to explain as +Wiggs; it is a terrible thing for an author to have a lot of people +running about his book, without any invitation from him at all. +However, since Woggs is there, we must make the best of her. I fancy +that she was a year or two younger than Wiggs and of rather inferior +education. Witness her low innuendo about the Lady Belvane, and the +fact that she called a Countess "Mum." +</P> + +<P> +"Come here," said Belvane. "Are you what they call Woggs?" +</P> + +<P> +"Please, Mum," said Woggs nervously. +</P> + +<P> +The Countess winced at the "Mum," but went on bravely. "What have you +been saying about me?" +</P> + +<P> +"N—Nothing, Mum." +</P> + +<P> +Belvane winced again, and said, "Do you know what I do to little girls +who say things about me? I cut their heads off; I——" She tried to +think of something very alarming! "I—I stop their jam for tea. I—I +am <i>most</i> annoyed with them." +</P> + +<P> +Woggs suddenly saw what a wicked thing she had done. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, please, Mum," she said brokenly and fell on her knees. +</P> + +<P> +"<i>Don't</i> call me 'Mum,'" burst out Belvane. "It's so <i>ugly</i>. Why do +you suppose I ever wanted to be a countess at all, Woggs, if it wasn't +so as not to be called 'Mum' any more?" +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know, Mum," said Woggs. +</P> + +<P> +Belvane gave it up. The whole morning was going wrong anyhow. +</P> + +<P> +"Come here, child," she sighed, "and listen. You have been a very +naughty girl, but I'm going to let you off this time, and in return +I've something you are going to do for me." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, Mum," said Woggs. +</P> + +<P> +Belvane barely shuddered now. A sudden brilliant plan had come to +her. +</P> + +<P> +"Her Royal Highness is about to review her Army of Amazons. It is a +sudden idea of her Royal Highness's, and it comes at an unfortunate +moment, for it so happens that the Army is—er——" <i>What</i> was the +Army doing? Ah, yes—"manoeuvring in a distant part of the country. +But we must not disappoint her Royal Highness. What then shall we do, +Woggs?" +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know, Mum," said Woggs stolidly. +</P> + +<P> +Not having expected any real assistance from her, the Countess went +on, "I will tell you. You see yonder tree? Armed to the teeth <i>you</i> +will march round and round it, giving the impression to one on this +side of a large army passing. For this you will be rewarded. Here +is——" She felt in the bag she carried. "No, on second thoughts I +will owe it to you. Now you quite understand?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, Mum," said Woggs. +</P> + +<P> +"Very well, then. Run along to the Palace and get a sword and a +helmet and a bow and an arrow and an—an arrow and anything you like, +and then come back here and wait behind those bushes. When I clap my +hands the army will begin to march." +</P> + +<P> +Woggs curtsied and ran off. +</P> + +<P> +It is probable that at this point the Countess would have resumed her +soliloquy, but we shall never know, for the next moment the Princess +and her Court were seen approaching from the other end of the glade. +Belvane advanced to meet them. +</P> + +<P> +"Good morning, your Royal Highness," she said, "a beautiful day, is it +not?" +</P> + +<P> +"Beautiful, Countess." +</P> + +<P> +With the Court at her back, Hyacinth for the moment was less nervous +than usual, but almost at the first words of the Countess she felt her +self-confidence oozing from her. Did I say I was like this with my +publishers? And Roger's dragged-in Uncle——one can't explain it. +</P> + +<P> +The Court stood about in picturesque attitudes while Belvane went on: +</P> + +<P> +"Your Royal Highness's brave Women Defenders, the Home Defence Army of +Amazons" (here she saluted; one soon gets into the knack of it, and it +gives an air of efficiency) "have looked forward to this day for +weeks. How their hearts fill with pride at the thought of being +reviewed by your Royal Highness!" +</P> + +<P> +She had paid, or rather received, the money for the Army so often that +she had quite got to believe in its existence. She even kept a roll of +the different companies (it meant more delightful red ink for one +thing), and wrote herself little notes recommending Corporal Gretal +Hottshott for promotion to sergeant. +</P> + +<P> +"I know very little about armies, I'm afraid," said Hyacinth. "I've +always left that to my father. But I think it's a sweet idea of yours +to enrol the women to defend me. It's a little expensive, is it not?" +</P> + +<P> +"Your Royal Highness, armies are <i>always</i> expensive." +</P> + +<P> +The Princess took her seat, and beckoned Wiggs with a smile to her +side. The Court, in attitudes even more picturesque than before, +grouped itself behind her. +</P> + +<P> +"Is your Royal Highness ready?" +</P> + +<P> +"Quite ready, Countess." +</P> + +<P> +The Countess clapped her hands. +</P> + +<P> +There was a moment's hesitation, and then, armed to the teeth, Amazon +after Amazon marched by. . . . +</P> + +<P> +An impressive scene. . . . +</P> + +<P> +However, Wiggs must needs try to spoil it. +</P> + +<P> +"Why, it's Woggs!" she cried. +</P> + +<P> +"Silly child!" said Belvane in an undertone, giving her a push. +</P> + +<P> +The Princess looked round inquiringly. +</P> + +<P> +"The absurd creature," explained the Countess, "thought she recognized +a friend in your Royal Highness's gallant Army." +</P> + +<P> +"How clever of her! They all look exactly alike to <i>me</i>." +</P> + +<P> +Belvane was equal to the occasion. +</P> + +<P> +"The uniform and discipline of an army have that effect rather," she +said. "It has often been noticed." +</P> + +<P> +"I suppose so," said the Princess vaguely. "Oughtn't they to march in +fours? I seem to remember, when I came to reviews with Father——" +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, your Royal Highness, that was an army of men. With women—well, +we found that if they marched side by side, they <i>would</i> talk all the +time." +</P> + +<P> +The Court, which had been resting on the right leg with the left knee +bent, now rested on the left leg with the right knee bent. Woggs also +was getting tired. The last company of the Army of Amazons was not +marching with the abandon of the first company. +</P> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0102"></a><img src="images/0102.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Armed to the teeth, Amazon after Amazon marched by, verso]"> +<img src="images/0103.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Armed to the teeth, Amazon after Amazon marched by, recto]"> +</P> + +<P> +"I think I should like them to halt now so that I can address them," +said Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +Belvane was taken aback for the moment. +</P> + +<P> +"I am afraid, your—your Royal Highness," she stammered, her brain +working busily all the time, "that that would be contrary to—to—to +the spirit of—er—the King's Regulations. An army—an army in +marching order—must—er—<i>march</i>." She made a long forward movement +with her hand. "Must march," she repeated, with an innocent smile. +</P> + +<P> +"I see," said Hyacinth, blushing guiltily again. +</P> + +<P> +Belvane gave a loud cough. The last veteran but two of the Army +looked inquiringly at her and passed. The last veteran but one came +in and was greeted with a still louder cough. Rather tentatively the +last veteran of all entered and met such an unmistakable frown that it +was obvious that the march-past was over. . . . Woggs took off her +helmet and rested in the bushes. +</P> + +<P> +"That is all, your Royal Highness," said Belvane. "158 marches past, +217 reported sick, making 622; 9 are on guard at the Palace—632 and 9 +make 815. Add 28 under age and we bring it up to the round thousand." +</P> + +<P> +Wiggs opened her mouth to say something, but decided that her mistress +would probably wish to say it instead. Hyacinth, however, merely +looked unhappy. +</P> + +<P> +Belvane came a little nearer. +</P> + +<P> +"I—er—forgot if I mentioned to your Royal Highness that we are +paying out today. One silver piece a day and several days in the +week, multiplied by—how many did I say?—comes to ten thousand pieces +of gold." She produced a document, beautifully ruled. "If your Royal +Highness would kindly initial here——" +</P> + +<P> +Mechanically the Princess signed. +</P> + +<P> +"Thank you, your Royal Highness. And now perhaps I had better go and +see about it at once." +</P> + +<P> +She curtsied deeply, and then, remembering her position, saluted and +marched off. +</P> + +<P> +Now Roger Scurvilegs would see her go without a pang; he would then +turn over to his next chapter, beginning "Meanwhile the King——," and +leave you under the impression that the Countess Belvane was a common +thief. I am no such chronicler as that. At all costs I will be fair +to my characters. +</P> + +<P> +Belvane, then, had a weakness. She had several of which I have +already told you, but this is another one. She had a passion for the +distribution of largesse. +</P> + +<P> +I know an old gentleman who plays bowls every evening. He trundles +his skip (or whatever he calls it) to one end of the green, toddles +after it, and trundles it back again. Think of him for a moment, and +then think of Belvane on her cream-white palfrey tossing a bag of gold +to right of her and flinging a bag of gold to left of her, as she +rides through the cheering crowds; upon my word I think hers is the +more admirable exercise. +</P> + +<P> +And, I assure you, no less exacting. When once one has got into this +habit of "flinging" or "tossing" money, to give it in any ordinary +way, to slide it gently into the palm, is unbearable. Which of us who +has, in an heroic moment, flung half a crown to a cabman can ever be +content afterwards to hold out a handful of three-penny bits and +coppers to him? One must always be flinging. . . . +</P> + +<P> +So it was with Belvane. The largesse habit had got hold of her. It +is an expensive habit, but her way of doing it was less expensive than +most. The people were taxed to pay for the Amazon Army; the pay of +the Amazon Army was flung back at them; could anything be fairer? +</P> + +<P> +True, it brought her admiration and applause. But what woman does not +like admiration? Is that an offence? If it is, it is something very +different from the common theft of which Roger Scurvilegs would accuse +her. Let us be fair. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<A NAME="chap06"></A> +<img src="images/0109X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Detail of sleeping king]"> +</p> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER VI +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THERE ARE NO WIZARDS IN BARODIA +</H3> + +<P> +Meanwhile "the King of Euralia was prosecuting the war with utmost +vigour." +</P> + +<P> +So says Roger in that famous chapter of his, and certainly Merriwig +was very busy. +</P> + +<P> +On the declaration of war the Euralian forces, in accordance with +custom, had marched into Barodia. However hot ran the passion between +them, the two Kings always preserved the elementary courtesies of war. +The last battle had taken place in Euralian territory; this time, +therefore, Barodia was the scene of the conflict. To Barodia, then, +King Merriwig had led his army. Suitable pasture land had been +allotted them as a camping ground, and amid the cheers of the Barodian +populace the Euralians made their simple preparations for the night. +</P> + +<P> +The two armies had now been sitting opposite to each other for some +weeks, but neither side had been idle. On the very first morning +Merriwig had put on his Cloak of Darkness and gone to the enemy's camp +to explore the situation. Unfortunately the same idea had occurred at +the same moment to the King of Barodia. He also had his Cloak of +Darkness. +</P> + +<P> +Half way across, to the utmost astonishment of both, the two Kings had +come violently into contact. Realising that they had met some +unprecedented enchantment, they had hurried home after the recoil to +consult their respective Chancellors. The Chancellors could make +nothing of it. They could only advise their Majesties to venture +another attempt on the following morning. +</P> + +<P> +"But by a different route," said the Chancellors, "whereby the Magic +Pillar shall be avoided." +</P> + +<P> +So by the more southerly path the two Kings ventured out next morning. +Half way across there was another violent collision, and both Kings +sat down suddenly to think it out. +</P> + +<P> +"Wonder of wonders," said Merriwig. "There is a magic wall stretching +between the two armies." +</P> + +<P> +"He stood up and holding up his hand said impressively: +</P> + +<P class="poem"> + "<i>Bo, boll, bill, bole.</i> <BR> + <i>Wo, woll——</i>"<BR> +</P> + +<P> +"Mystery of mysteries!" cried the King of Barodia. "It can——" +</P> + +<P> +He stopped suddenly. Both Kings coughed. They were remembering with +some shame their fright of yesterday. +</P> + +<P> +"Who are you?" said the King of Barodia. +</P> + +<P> +Merriwig saw that there was need to dissemble. +</P> + +<P> +"His Majesty's swineherd," he said, in what he imagined might be a +swineherd's voice. +</P> + +<P> +"Er—so am I," said the King of Barodia, rather feebly. +</P> + +<P> +There was obviously nothing for it but for them to discuss swine. +</P> + +<P> +Merriwig was comfortably ignorant of the subject. The King of Barodia +knew rather less than that. +</P> + +<P> +"Er—how many have you?" asked the latter. +</P> + +<P> +"Seven thousand," said Merriwig at random. +</P> + +<P> +"Er—so have I," said the King of Barodia, still more feebly. +</P> + +<P> +"Couples," explained Merriwig. +</P> + +<P> +"Mine are ones," said the King of Barodia, determined to be +independent at last. +</P> + +<P> +Each King was surprised to find how easy it was to talk to an expert +on his own subject. The King of Barodia, indeed, began to feel +reckless. +</P> + +<P> +"Well," he said, "I must be getting back. It's—er—milking time." +</P> + +<P> +"So must I," said Merriwig. "By the way," he added, "what do you feed +yours on?" +</P> + +<P> +The King of Barodia was not quite sure if it was apple sauce or not. +He decided that perhaps it wasn't. +</P> + +<P> +"That's a secret," he said darkly. "Been handed down from generation +to generation." +</P> + +<P> +Merriwig could think of nothing better to say to this than "Ah!" He +said it very impressively, and with a word of farewell returned to his +camp. +</P> + +<P> +He was in brilliant form over the wassail bowl that night as he drew a +picture of his triumphant dissimulation. It is only fair to say that +the King of Barodia was in brilliant form too. . . . +</P> + +<P> +For several weeks after this the battle raged. Sometimes the whole +Euralian army would line up outside its camp and call upon the +Barodians to fight; at other times the Barodian army would form fours +in full view of the Euralians in the hope of provoking a conflict. At +intervals the two Chancellors would look up old spells, scour the +country for wizards, or send each other insulting messages. At the +end of a month it was difficult to say which side had obtained the +advantage. +</P> + +<P> +A little hill surmounted by a single tree lay half way between the two +camps. Thither one fine morning came the two Kings and the two +Chancellors on bloody business bent. (The phrase is Roger's.) Their +object was nothing less than to arrange that personal fight between +the two monarchs which was always a feature of Barodo-Euralian +warfare. The two Kings having shaken hands, their Chancellors +proceeded to settle the details. +</P> + +<P> +"I suppose," said the Chancellor of Barodia, "that your Majesties will +wish to fight with swords?" +</P> + +<P> +"Certainly," said the King of Barodia promptly; so promptly that +Merriwig felt certain that he had a Magic Sword too. +</P> + +<P> +"Cloaks of Darkness are not allowed, of course," said the Chancellor +of Euralia. +</P> + +<P> +"Why, have <i>you</i> got one?" said each King quickly to the other. +</P> + +<P> +Merriwig was the first to recover himself. +</P> + +<P> +"I have one—naturally," he said. "It's a curious thing that the only +one of my subjects who has one is my—er—swineherd." +</P> + +<P> +"That's funny," said the King of Barodia. "My swineherd has one too." +</P> + +<P> +"Of course," said Merriwig, "they are almost a necessity to +swineherding." +</P> + +<P> +"Particularly in the milking season," said the King of Barodia. +</P> + +<P> +They looked at each other with added respect. Not many Kings in those +days had the technicalities of such a humble trade at their fingers' +ends. +</P> + +<P> +The Chancellor of Barodia has been referring to the precedents. +</P> + +<P> +"It was after the famous conflict between the two grandfathers of your +Majesties that the use of the Magic Cloak in personal combats was +discontinued." +</P> + +<P> +"Great-grandfathers," said the Chancellor of Euralia. +</P> + +<P> +"Grandfathers, I think." +</P> + +<P> +"Great-grandfathers, if I am not mistaken." +</P> + +<P> +Their tempers were rising rapidly, and the Chancellor of Barodia was +just about to give the Chancellor of Euralia a push when Merriwig +intervened. +</P> + +<P> +"Never mind about that," he said impatiently. "Tell us what happened +when our—our ancestors fought." +</P> + +<P> +"It happened in this way, your Majesty. Your Majesty's +grandfather——" +</P> + +<P> +"Great-grandfather," said a small voice. +</P> + +<P> +The Chancellor cast one bitter look at his opponent and went on: +</P> + +<P> +"The ancestors of your two Majesties arranged to settle the war of +that period by personal combat. The two armies were drawn up in full +array. In front of them the two monarchs shook hands. Drawing their +swords and casting their Magic Cloaks around them, they——" +</P> + +<P> +"Well?" said Merriwig eagerly. +</P> + +<P> +"It is rather a painful story, your Majesty." +</P> + +<P> +"Go on, I shan't mind." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, your Majesty, drawing their swords and casting their Magic +Cloaks around them they—h'r'm—returned to the wassail bowl." +</P> + +<P> +"Dear, dear," said Merriwig. +</P> + +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0118"></a><img src="images/0118.jpg" alt="[Illustration: When the respective armies returned to camp they found +their Majesties asleep, verso]"> +<img src="images/0119.jpg" alt="[Illustration: When the respective armies returned to camp they found +their Majesties asleep, recto]"> +</P> + +<P> +"When the respective armies, who had been waiting eagerly the whole of +the afternoon for some result of the combat, returned to camp, they +found their Majesties——" +</P> + +<P> +"Asleep," said the Chancellor of Euralia hastily. +</P> + +<P> +"Asleep," agreed the Chancellor of Barodia. "The excuse of their two +Majesties that they had suddenly forgotten the day, though naturally +accepted at the time, was deemed inadequate by later historians." (By +Roger and myself, anyway.) +</P> + +<P> +Some further details were discussed, and then the conference closed. +The great fight was fixed for the following morning. +</P> + +<P> +The day broke fine. At an early hour Merriwig was up and practising +thrusts upon a suspended pillow. At intervals he would consult a +little book entitled <i>Sword Play for Sovereigns</i>, and then return to +his pillow. At breakfast he was nervous but talkative. After +breakfast he wrote a tender letter to Hyacinth and a still more tender +one to the Countess Belvane, and burnt them. He repeated his little +rhyme, "Bo, Boll, Bill, Bole," several times to himself until he was +word perfect. It was just possible that it might be useful. His last +thoughts as he rode on to the field were of his great-grandfather. +Without admiring him, he quite saw his point. +</P> + +<P> +The fight was a brilliant one. First Merriwig aimed a blow at the +King of Barodia's head which the latter parried. Then the King of +Barodia aimed a blow at his adversary's head which Merriwig parried. +This went on three or four times, and then Merriwig put into practice +a remarkable trick which the Captain of his Bodyguard had taught him. +It was his turn to parry, but instead of doing this, he struck again +at his opponent's head; and if the latter in sheer surprise had not +stumbled and fallen, there might have been a very serious ending to +the affair. +</P> + +<P> +Noon found them still at it; cut and parry, cut and parry; at each +stroke the opposing armies roared their applause. When darkness put an +end to the conflict, honours were evenly divided. +</P> + +<P> +It was a stiff but proud King of Euralia who received the +congratulations of his subjects that night; so proud that he had to +pour out his heart to somebody. He wrote to his daughter. +</P> + +<P> +"MY DEAR HYACINTH, +</P> + +<P> +"You will be glad to hear that your father is going on well and that +Euralia is as determined as ever to uphold its honour and dignity. +To-day I fought the King of Barodia, and considering that, most +unfairly, he was using a Magic Sword, I think I may say that I did +well. The Countess Belvane will be interested to hear that I made +4,638 strokes at my opponent and parried 4,637 strokes from him. This +is good for a man of my age. Do you remember that magic ointment my +aunt used to give me? Have we any of it left? +</P> + +<P> +"I played a very clever trick the other day by pretending to be a +swineherd. I talked to a real one I met for quite a long time about +swine without his suspecting me. The Countess might be interested to +hear this. It would have been very awkward for me if it had been +found out who I was. +</P> + +<P> +"I hope you are getting along all right. Do you consult the Countess +Belvane at all? I think she would be able to advise you in any +difficulties. A young girl needs a guiding hand, and I think the +Countess would be able to advise you in any difficulties. Do you +consult her at all? +</P> + +<P> +"I am afraid this is going to be a long war. There doesn't seem to be +a wizard in the country at all, and without one it is a little +difficult to know how to go on. I say my spell every now and +then—you remember the one: +</P> + +<P class="poem"> + '<i>Bo, boll, bill bole.</i> <BR> + <i>Wo, woll, will, wole.</i> '<BR> +</P> + +<P class="noindent"> +and it certainly keeps off dragons, but we don't seem to get any +nearer defeating the enemy's army. You might tell the Countess +Belvane that about my spell; she would be interested. +</P> + +<P> +"To-morrow I go on with my fight with the King of Barodia. I feel +quite confident now that I can hold him. He parries well, but his +cutting is not very good. I am glad the Countess found my sword for +me; tell her that it has been most useful. +</P> + +<P> +"I must now close as I must go to bed so as to be ready for my fight +to-morrow. Good-bye, dear. I am always, +</P> + +<P align="right"> + "YOUR LOVING FATHER. <BR> +</P> + +<P> +"P.S.—I hope you are not finding your position too difficult. If you +are in any difficulties you should consult the Countess Belvane. I +think she would be able to advise you. Don't forget about that +ointment. Perhaps the Countess might know about some other kind. +It's for stiffness. I am afraid this is going to be a long war." +</P> + +<P> +The King sealed up the letter and despatched it by special messenger +the next morning. It came to Hyacinth at a critical moment. We shall +see in the next chapter what effect it had upon her. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<A NAME="chap07"></A> +<img src="images/0127X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Detail of Wiggs meeting her Fairy]"> +</p> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER VII +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE PRINCESS RECEIVES A LETTER AND WRITES ONE +</H3> + +<P> +The Princess Hyacinth came in from her morning's ride in a very bad +temper. She went straight up to her favourite seat on the castle +walls and sent for Wiggs. +</P> + +<P> +"Wiggs," she said, "what's the matter with me?" +</P> + +<P> +Wiggs looked puzzled. She had been dusting the books in the library; +and when you dust books you simply <i>must</i> stop every now and then to +take just one little peep inside, and then you look inside another one +and another one, and by the time you have finished dusting, your head +is so full of things you have seen that you have to be asked questions +very slowly indeed. +</P> + +<P> +"I'm pretty, aren't I?" went on Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +That was an easy one. +</P> + +<P> +"Lovely!" said Wiggs, with a deep breath. +</P> + +<P> +"And I'm not unkind to anybody?" +</P> + +<P> +"Unkind!" said Wiggs indignantly. +</P> + +<P> +"Then why—oh, Wiggs, I know it's silly of me, but it <i>hurts</i> me that +my people are so much fonder of the Countess than of me." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I'm sure they're not, your Royal Highness." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, they cheer her much louder than they cheer me." +</P> + +<P> +Wiggs tried to think of a way of comforting her mistress, but her head +was still full of the last book she had dusted. +</P> + +<P> +"Why should they be so fond of her?" demanded Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +"Perhaps because she's so funny," said Wiggs. +</P> + +<P> +"Funny! Is she funny?" said the Princess coldly. "She doesn't make +<i>me</i> laugh." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, it <i>was</i> funny of her to make Woggs march round and round that +tree like that, <i>wasn't</i> it?" +</P> + +<P> +"Like what? You don't mean——" The Princess's eyes were wide open +with astonishment. "Was that Woggs all the time?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, your Royal Highness. Wasn't it lovely and funny of her?" +</P> + +<P> +The Princess looked across to the forest and nodded to herself. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes. That's it. Wiggs, I don't believe there has ever been an Army +at all. . . . And I pay them every week!" She added solemnly, "There +are moments when I don't believe that woman is quite honest." +</P> + +<P> +"Do you mean she isn't good?" asked Wiggs in awe. +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth nodded. +</P> + +<P> +"I'm <i>never</i> good," said Wiggs firmly. +</P> + +<P> +"What do you mean, silly? You're the best little girl in Euralia." +</P> + +<P> +"I'm <i>not</i>. I do awful things sometimes. Do you know what I did +yesterday?" +</P> + +<P> +"Something terrible!" smiled Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +"I tore my apron." +</P> + +<P> +"You baby! That isn't being bad," said Hyacinth absently. She was +still thinking of that awful review. +</P> + +<P> +"The Countess says it is." +</P> + +<P> +"The Countess!" +</P> + +<P> +"Do you know why I want to be <i>very</i> good?" said Wiggs, coming up +close to the Princess. +</P> + +<P> +"Why, dear?" +</P> + +<P> +"Because then I could dance like a fairy." +</P> + +<P> +"Is that how it's done?" asked the Princess, rather amused. "The +Countess must dance <i>very</i> heavily." She suddenly remembered +something and added: "Why, of course, child, you were going to tell +me about a fairy you met, weren't you? That was weeks ago, though. +Tell me now. It will help me to forget things which make me rather +angry." +</P> + +<P> +It was a simple little story. There must have been many like it in +the books which Wiggs had been dusting; but these were simple times, +and the oldest story always seemed new. +</P> + +<P> +Wiggs had been by herself in the forest. A baby rabbit had run past +her, terrified; a ferret in pursuit. Wiggs had picked the little +fluffy thing up in her arms and comforted it; the ferret had slowed +down, walked past very indifferently with its hands, as it were, in +its pockets, hesitated a moment, and then remembered an important +letter which it had forgotten to post. Wiggs was left alone with the +baby rabbit, and before she knew where she was, the rabbit was gone +and there was a fairy in front of her. +</P> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0132"></a> +<img src="images/0132.jpg" +alt="[Illustration: The rabbit was gone, and there was a fairy in front of her, verso]"> +<img src="images/0133.jpg" +alt="[Illustration: The rabbit was gone, and there was a fairy in front of her, recto]"> +</P> + +<P> +"You have saved my life," said the fairy. "That was a wicked magician +after me, and if he had caught me then, he would have killed me." +</P> + +<P> +"Please, your Fairiness, I didn't know fairies <i>could</i> die," said +Wiggs. +</P> + +<P> +"They can when they take on animal shape or human shape. He could not +hurt me now, but before——" She shuddered. +</P> + +<P> +"I'm so glad you're all right now," said Wiggs politely. +</P> + +<P> +"Thanks to you, my child. I must reward you. Take this ring. When +you have been good for a whole day, you can have one good wish; when +you have been bad for a whole day, you can have one bad wish. One +good wish and one bad wish—that is all it will allow anybody to +have." +</P> + +<P> +With these words she vanished and left Wiggs alone with the ring. +</P> + +<P> +So, ever after that, Wiggs tried desperately hard to be good and have +the good wish, but it was difficult work. Something always went wrong; +she tore her apron or read books when she ought to have been dusting, +or—— Well, you or I would probably have given it up at once, and +devoted ourselves to earning the bad wish. But Wiggs was a nice +little girl. +</P> + +<P> +"And, oh, I <i>do</i> so want to be good," said Wiggs earnestly to the +Princess, "so that I could wish to dance like a fairy." She had a +sudden anxiety. "That <i>is</i> a good wish, <i>isn't</i> it?" +</P> + +<P> +"It's a lovely wish; but I'm sure you could dance now if you tried." +</P> + +<P> +"I can't," said Wiggs. "I always dance like this." +</P> + +<P> +She jumped up and danced a few steps. Wiggs was a dear little girl, +but her dancing reminded you of a very dusty road going up-hill all +the way, with nothing but suet-puddings waiting for you on the top. +Something like that. +</P> + +<P> +"It isn't <i>really</i> graceful, is it?" she said candidly, as she came to +rest. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, I suppose the fairies <i>do</i> dance better than that." +</P> + +<P> +"So that's why I want to be good, so as I can have my wish." +</P> + +<P> +"I really must see this ring," said the Princess. "It sounds +fascinating." She looked coldly in front of her and added, +"Good-morning, Countess." (How long had the woman been there?) +</P> + +<P> +"Good-morning, your Royal Highness. I ventured to come up +unannounced. Ah, sweet child." She waved a caressing hand at Wiggs. +</P> + +<P> +(Even if she had overheard anything, it had only been child's talk.) +</P> + +<P> +"What is it?" asked the Princess. She took a firm hold of the arms of +her chair. She would <i>not</i>, <i>not</i>, <i>not</i> give way to the Countess +this time. +</P> + +<P> +"The merest matter of business, your Royal Highness. Just this scheme +for the Encouragement of Literature. Your Royal Highness very wisely +decided that in the absence of the men on the sterner business of +fighting it was the part of us women to encourage the gentler arts; +and for this purpose . . . there was some talk of a competition, +and—er——" +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, yes," said Hyacinth nervously. "I will look into that +to-morrow." +</P> + +<P> +"A competition," said Belvane, gazing vaguely over Hyacinth's head. +"Some sort of a money prize," she added, as if in a trance. +</P> + +<P> +"There should certainly be some sort of a prize," agreed the Princess. +(Why not, she asked herself, if one is to encourage literature?) +</P> + +<P> +"Bags of gold," murmured Belvane to herself. "Bags and bags of gold. +Big bags of silver and little bags of gold." She saw herself tossing +them to the crowd. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, we'll go into that to-morrow," said Hyacinth hastily. +</P> + +<P> +"I have it all drawn up here," said Belvane. "Your Royal Highness has +only to sign. It saves <i>so</i> much trouble," she added with a disarming +smile. . . . She held the document out—all in the most beautiful +colours. +</P> + +<P> +Mechanically the Princess signed. +</P> + +<P> +"Thank you, your Royal Highness." She smiled again, and added, "And +now perhaps I had better see about it at once." The Guardian of +Literature took a dignified farewell of her Sovereign and withdrew. +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth looked at Wiggs in despair. +</P> + +<P> +"There!" she said. "That's me. I don't know what it is about that +woman, but I feel just a child in front of her. Oh, Wiggs, Wiggs, I +feel so lonely sometimes with nothing but women all around me. I wish +I had a man here to help me." +</P> + +<P> +"Are <i>all</i> the men fighting in <i>all</i> the countries?" +</P> + +<P> +"Not all the countries. There's—Araby. Don't you remember—oh, but +of course you wouldn't know anything about it. But Father was just +going to ask Prince Udo of Araby to come here on a visit, when the war +broke out. Oh, I wish, I <i>wish</i> Father were back again." She laid +her head on her arms; and whether she would have shed a few royal +tears or had a good homely cry, I cannot tell you. For at that moment +an attendant came in. Hyacinth was herself again at once. +</P> + +<P> +"There is a messenger approaching on a horse, your Royal Highness," +she announced. "Doubtless from His Majesty's camp." +</P> + +<P> +With a shriek of delight, and an entire lack of royal dignity, the +Princess, followed by the faithful Wiggs, rushed down to receive him. +</P> + +<P> +Meanwhile, what of the Countess? She was still in the Palace, and, +more than that, she was in the Throne Room of the Palace, and, more +even than that, she was on the Throne, of the Throne Room of the +Palace. +</P> + +<P> +She couldn't resist it. The door was open as she came down from her +interview with the Princess, and she had to go in. There was a woman +in there, tidying up, who looked questioningly at Belvane as she +entered. +</P> + +<P> +"You may leave," said the Countess with dignity. "Her Royal Highness +sent me in here to wait for her." +</P> + +<P> +The woman curtsied and withdrew. +</P> + +<P> +The Countess then uttered these extraordinary words: +</P> + +<P> +"When I am Queen in Euralia they shall leave me backwards!" +</P> + +<P> +Her subsequent behaviour was even more amazing. +</P> + +<P> +She stood by the side of the door, and putting her hand to her mouth +said shrilly, "Ter-rum, ter-rum, terrumty-umty-um." Then she took her +hand away and announced loudly, "Her Majesty Queen Belvane the First!" +after which she cheered slightly. +</P> + +<P> +Then in came Her Majesty, a very proper dignified gracious Queen—none +of your seventeen-year-old chits. Bowing condescendingly from side to +side she made her way to the Throne, and with a sweep of her train she +sat down. +</P> + +<P> +Courtiers were presented to her; representatives from foreign +countries; Prince Hanspatch of Tregong, Prince Ulric, the Duke of +Highanlow. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, my dear Prince Hanspatch," she cried, stretching out her hand to +the right of her; "and you, dear Prince Ulric," with a graceful +movement of the left arm towards him; "and, dear Duke, <i>you</i> also!" +Her right hand, which Prince Hanspatch had by now finished with, went +out to the Duke of Highanlow that he too might kiss it. +</P> + +<P> +But it was arrested in mid-air. She felt rather than saw that the +Princess was watching her in amazement from the doorway. +</P> + +<P> +Without looking round she stretched out again first one arm and then +the other. Then, as if she had just seen the Princess, she jumped up +in a pretty confusion. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, your Royal Highness," she cried, "you caught me at my physical +exercises!" She gave a self-conscious little laugh. "My physical +exercises—a forearm movement." Once again she stretched out her arm. +"Building up the—er—building up—building up——" +</P> + +<P> +Her voice died away, for the Princess still looked coldly at her. +</P> + +<P> +"Charming, Countess," she said. "I am sorry to interrupt you, but I +have some news for you. You will like to know that I am inviting +Prince Udo of Araby here on a visit. I feel we want a little outside +help in our affairs." +</P> + +<P> +"Prince Udo?" cried the Countess. "<i>Here?</i>" +</P> + +<P> +"Have you any objection?" said Hyacinth. She found it easier to be +stern now, for the invitation had already been sent off by the hand of +the King's Messenger. Nothing that the Countess could say could +influence her. +</P> + +<P> +"No objection, your Royal Highness; but it seems so strange. And then +the expense! Men are such hearty eaters. Besides," she looked with a +charming smile from the Princess to Wiggs, "we were all getting on so +<i>nicely</i> together! Of course if he just dropped in for afternoon tea +one day——" +</P> + +<P> +"He will make a stay of some months, I hope." There were no wizards +in Barodia, and therefore the war would be a long one. It was this +which had decided Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +"Of course," said Belvane, "whatever your Royal Highness wishes, but I +do think that His Majesty——" +</P> + +<P> +"My dear Countess," said Hyacinth, with a smile, "the invitation has +already gone, so there's nothing more to be said, is there? Had you +finished your exercises? Yes? Then, Wiggs, will you conduct her +ladyship downstairs?" +</P> + +<P> +She turned and left her. The Countess watched her go, and then stood +tragically in the middle of the room, clasping her diary to her +breast. +</P> + +<P> +"This is terrible!" she said. "I feel <i>years</i> older." She held out +her diary at arm's length and said in a gloomy voice, "<i>What</i> an entry +for to-morrow!" The thought cheered her up a little. She began to +consider plans. How could she circumvent this terrible young man who +was going to put them all in their places. She wished that—— +</P> + +<P> +All at once she remembered something. +</P> + +<P> +"Wiggs," she said, "what was it I heard you saying to the Princess +about a wish?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, that's my ring," said Wiggs eagerly. "If you've been good for a +whole day you can have a good wish. And my wish is that——" +</P> + +<P> +"A wish!" said Belvane to herself. "Well, I wish that——" A sudden +thought struck her. "You said that you had to be good for a whole day +first?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes." +</P> + +<P> +Belvane mused. +</P> + +<P> +"I wonder what they mean by <i>good</i>," she said. +</P> + +<P> +"Of course," explained Wiggs, "if you've been bad for a whole day you +can have a bad wish. But I should hate to have a bad wish, wouldn't +you?" +</P> + +<P> +"Simply hate it, child," said Belvane. "Er—may I have a look at that +ring?" +</P> + +<P> +"Here it is," said Wiggs; "I always wear it round my neck." +</P> + +<P> +The Countess took it from her. +</P> + +<P> +"Listen," she said. "Wasn't that the Princess calling you? Run +along, quickly, child." She almost pushed her from the room and +closed the door on her. +</P> + +<P> +Alone again, she paced from end to end of the great chamber, her left +hand nursing her right elbow, her chin in her right hand. +</P> + +<P> +"If you are good for a day," she mused, "you can have a good wish. If +you are bad for a day you can have a bad wish. Yesterday I drew ten +thousand pieces of gold for the Army; the actual expenses were what I +paid—what I owe Woggs. . . . I suppose that is what narrow-minded +people call being bad. . . . I suppose this Prince Udo would call it +bad. . . . I suppose he thinks he will marry the Princess and throw +me into prison." She flung her head back proudly. "Never!" +</P> + +<P> +Standing in the middle of the great Throne Room, she held the ring up +in her two hands and wished. +</P> + +<P> +"I wish," she said, and there was a terrible smile in her eyes, "I +wish that something very—very <i>humorous</i> shall happen to Prince Udo +on his journey." +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<A NAME="chap08"></A> +<img src="images/0147X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Detail of Udo and Coronel on their journey]"> +</P> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER VIII +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +PRINCE UDO SLEEPS BADLY +</H3> + +<P> +Everybody likes to make a good impression on his first visit, but +there were moments just before his arrival in Euralia when Prince Udo +doubted whether the affair would go as well as he had hoped. You +shall hear why. +</P> + +<P> +He had been out hunting with his friend, the young Duke Coronel, and +was returning to the Palace when Hyacinth's messenger met him. He +took the letter from him, broke the seals, and unrolled it. +</P> + +<P> +"Wait a moment, Coronel," he said to his friend. "This is going to be +an adventure of some sort, and if it's an adventure I shall want you +with me." +</P> + +<P> +"I'm in no hurry," said Coronel, and he got off his horse and gave it +into the care of an attendant. The road crossed a stream here. +Coronel sat up on the little stone bridge and dropped pebbles idly +into the water. +</P> + +<P> +The Prince read his letter. +</P> + +<P> +<i>Plop . . . Plop . . . Plop . . . Plop . . .</i> +</P> + +<P> +The Prince looked up from his letter. +</P> + +<P> +"How many days' journey is it to Euralia?" he asked Coronel. +</P> + +<P> +"How long did it take the messenger to come?" answered Coronel, +without looking up. (<i>Plop.</i> ) +</P> + +<P> +"I might have thought of that myself," said Udo, "only this letter has +rather upset me." He turned to the messenger. "How long has it——?" +</P> + +<P> +"Isn't the letter dated?" said Coronel. (<i>Plop.</i> ) +</P> + +<P> +Udo paid no attention to this interruption and finished his question +to the messenger. +</P> + +<P> +"A week, sire." +</P> + +<P> +"Ride on to the castle and wait for me. I shall have a message for +you." +</P> + +<P> +"What is it?" said Coronel, when the messenger had gone. "An +adventure?" +</P> + +<P> +"I think so. I think we may call it that, Coronel." +</P> + +<P> +"With me in it?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, I think you will be somewhere in it." +</P> + +<P> +Coronel stopped dropping his pebbles and turned to the Prince. +</P> + +<P> +"May I hear about it?" +</P> + +<P> +Udo held out the letter; then feeling that a lady's letter should be +private, drew it back again. He prided himself always on doing the +correct thing. +</P> + +<P> +"It's from Princess Hyacinth of Euralia," he said; "she doesn't say +much. Her father is away fighting, and she is alone and she is in +some trouble or other. It ought to make rather a good adventure." +</P> + +<P> +Coronel turned away and began to drop his pebbles into the stream +again. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, I wish you luck," he said. "If it's a dragon, don't forget +that——" +</P> + +<P> +"But you're coming, too," said Udo, in dismay. "I must have you with +me." +</P> + +<P> +"Doing what?" +</P> + +<P> +"What?" +</P> + +<P> +"Doing what?" said Coronel again. +</P> + +<P> +"Well," said Prince Udo awkwardly, "er—well, you—well." +</P> + +<P> +He felt that it was a silly question for Coronel to have asked. +Coronel knew perfectly well what he would be doing all the time. In +Udo's absence he would be telling Princess Hyacinth stories of his +Royal Highness's matchless courage and wisdom. An occasional +discussion also with the Princess upon the types of masculine beauty, +leading up to casual mention of Prince Udo's own appearance, would be +quite in order. When Prince Udo was present Coronel would no doubt +find the opportunity of drawing Prince Udo out, an opportunity of +which a stranger could not so readily avail himself. +</P> + +<P> +But of course you couldn't very well tell Coronel that. A man of any +tact would have seen it at once. +</P> + +<P> +"Of course," he said, "don't come if you don't like. But it would +look rather funny if I went quite unattended; and—and her Royal +Highness is said to be very beautiful," he added lamely. +</P> + +<P> +Coronel laughed. There are adventures and adventures; to sit next to +a very beautiful Princess and discuss with her the good looks of +another man was not the sort of adventure that Coronel was looking +for. +</P> + +<P> +He tossed the remainder of his pebbles into the stream and stood up. +</P> + +<P> +"Of course, if your Royal Highness wishes——" +</P> + +<P> +"Don't be a fool, Coronel," said his Royal Highness, rather snappily. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, then, I'll come with my good friend Udo if he wants me." +</P> + +<P> +"I do want you." +</P> + +<P> +"Very well, that settles it. After all," he added to himself, "there +may be <i>two</i> dragons." +</P> + +<P> +Two dragons would be one each. But from all accounts there were not +two Princesses. +</P> + +<P> + * * * * *<BR> +</P> + +<P> +So three days later the friends set out with good hearts upon the +adventure. The messenger had been sent back to announce their +arrival; they gave him three days' start, and hoped to gain two days +upon him. In the simple fashion of those times (so it would seem from +Roger Scurvilegs) they set out with no luggage and no clear idea of +where they were going to sleep at night. This, after all, is the best +spirit in which to start a journey. It is the Gladstone bag which has +killed romance. +</P> + +<P> +They started on a perfect summer day, and they rode past towers and +battlements, and by the side of sparkling streams, and came out into +the sunlight again above sleepy villages, and, as they rode, Coronel +sang aloud and Udo tossed his sword into the air and caught it again. +As evening fell they came to a woodman's cottage at the foot of a high +hill, and there they decided to rest for the night. An old woman came +out to welcome them. +</P> + +<P> +"Good evening, your Royal Highness," she said. +</P> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0154"></a> +<img src="images/0154.jpg" alt="[Illustration: As evening fell they came to a woodman's cottage at +the foot of a high hill, verso]"> +<img src="images/0155.jpg" alt="[Illustration: As evening fell they came to a woodman's cottage at the foot of a high hill, recto]"> +</P> + +<P> +"You know me?" said Udo, more pleased than surprised. +</P> + +<P> +"I know all who come into my house," said the old woman solemnly, "and +all who go away from it." +</P> + +<P> +This sort of conversation made Coronel feel creepy. There seemed to +be a distinction between the people who came to the house and the +people who went away from it which he did not like. +</P> + +<P> +"Can we stay here the night, my good woman?" said Udo. +</P> + +<P> +"You have hurt your hand," she said, taking no notice of his question. +</P> + +<P> +"It's nothing," said Udo hastily. On one occasion he had caught his +sword by the sharp end by mistake—a foolish thing to have done. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, well, since you won't want hands where you're going, it won't +matter much." +</P> + +<P> +It was the sort of thing old women said in those days, and Udo did not +pay much attention to it. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, yes," he said; "but can you give my friend and myself a bed for +to-night?" +</P> + +<P> +"Seeing that you won't be travelling together long, come in and +welcome." +</P> + +<P> +She opened the door and they followed her in. +</P> + +<P> +As they crossed the threshold, Udo half turned round and whispered +over his shoulder to Coronel, +</P> + +<P> +"Probably a fairy. Be kind to her." +</P> + +<P> +"How can one be kind to one's hostess?" said Coronel. "It's she who +has to be kind to <i>us</i>." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, you know what I mean; don't be rude to her." +</P> + +<P> +"My dear Udo, this to <i>me</i>—the pride of Araby, the favourite courtier +of his Majesty, the——" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, all right," said Udo. +</P> + +<P> +"Sit down and rest yourselves," said the old woman. "There'll be +something in the pot for you directly." +</P> + +<P> +"Good," said Udo. He looked approvingly at the large cauldron hanging +over the fire. It was a big fireplace for such a small room. So he +thought when he first looked at it, but as he gazed, the room seemed +to get bigger and bigger, and the fireplace to get farther and farther +away, until he felt that he was in a vast cavern cut deep into the +mountainside. He rubbed his eyes, and there he was in the small +kitchen again and the cauldron was sending out a savoury smell. +</P> + +<P> +"There'll be something in it for all tastes," went on the old woman, +"even for Prince Udo's." +</P> + +<P> +"I'm not so particular as all that," said Udo mildly. The room had +just become five hundred yards long again, and he was feeling quiet. +</P> + +<P> +"Not now, but you will be." +</P> + +<P> +She filled them a plate each from the pot; and pulling their chairs up +to the table, they fell to heartily. +</P> + +<P> +"This is really excellent," said Udo, as he put down his spoon and +rested for a moment. +</P> + +<P> +"You'd think you'd always like that, wouldn't you?" she said. +</P> + +<P> +"I always shall be fond of anything so perfectly cooked." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah," remarked the old woman thoughtfully. +</P> + +<P> +Udo was beginning to dislike her particular style of conversation. It +seemed to carry the merest suggestion of a hint that something +unpleasant was going to happen to him. Nothing apparently was going +to happen to Coronel. He tried to drag Coronel into the conversation +in case the old woman had anything over for him. +</P> + +<P> +"My friend and I," he said, "hope to be in Euralia the day after +to-morrow." +</P> + +<P> +"No harm in hoping," was the answer. +</P> + +<P> +"Dear me, is something going to happen to us on the way?" +</P> + +<P> +"Depends what you call 'us.'" +</P> + +<P> +Coronel pushed back his chair and got up. +</P> + +<P> +"I know what's going to happen to me," he said. "I'm going to sleep." +</P> + +<P> +"Well," said Udo, getting up too, "we've got a long day before us +to-morrow, and apparently we are in for an adventure—er, <i>we</i> are in +for an adventure of some sort." He looked anxiously at the old woman, +but she made no sign. "And so let's to bed." +</P> + +<P> +"This way," said the old woman, and by the light of a candle she led +them upstairs. +</P> + +<P> + * * * * *<BR> +</P> + +<P> +Udo slept badly. He had a feeling (just as you have) that something +was going to happen to him; and it was with some surprise that he woke +up in the morning to find himself much as he was when he went to bed. +He looked at himself in the glass; he invited Coronel to gaze at him; +but neither could discover that anything was the matter. +</P> + +<P> +"After all," said Udo, "I don't suppose she meant anything. These old +women get into a way of talking like that. If anybody is going to be +turned into anything, it's much more likely to be you." +</P> + +<P> +"Is that why you brought me with you?" asked Coronel. +</P> + +<P> +I suppose that by this time they had finished their dressing. Roger +Scurvilegs tells us nothing on such important matters; no doubt from +modesty. "Next morning they rose," he says, and disappoints us of a +picture of Udo brushing his hair. They rose and went down to +breakfast. +</P> + +<P> +The old woman was in a less cryptic mood at breakfast. She was +particularly hospitable to Udo, and from some secret store produced an +unending variety of good things for him to eat. To Coronel it almost +looked as if she were fattening him up for something, but this +suggestion was received with such bad grace by Udo that he did not +pursue the subject. +</P> + +<P> +As soon as breakfast was over they started off again. From one of the +many bags of gold he carried, Udo had offered some acknowledgment to +the old woman, but she had refused to take it. +</P> + +<P> +"Nay, nay," she said. "I shall be amply rewarded before the day is +out." And she seemed to be smiling to herself as if she knew of some +joke which the Prince and Coronel did not yet share. +</P> + +<P> +"I like to-day," said Coronel as they rode along. "There's a smell of +adventure in the air. Red roofs, green trees, blue sky, white road—I +could fall in love to-day." +</P> + +<P> +"Who with?" said Udo suspiciously. +</P> + +<P> +"Any one—that old woman, if you like." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, don't talk of her," said the Prince with a shudder. "Coronel, +hadn't you a sense of being <i>out</i> of some joke that she was in?" +</P> + +<P> +"Perhaps we shall be in it before long. I could laugh very easily on +a morning like this." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I can see a joke as well as any one," said Udo. "Don't be afraid +that I shan't laugh, too. No doubt it will make a good story, +whatever it is, to tell to the Princess Hyacinth. Coronel," he added +solemnly, the thought having evidently only just occurred to him, "I +am all impatience to help that poor girl in her trouble." And as if +to show his impatience, he suddenly gave the reins a shake and +cantered ahead of his companion. Smiling to himself, Coronel followed +at his leisure. +</P> + +<P> +They halted at mid-day in a wood, and made a meal from some provisions +which the old woman had given them; and after they had eaten, Udo lay +down on a mossy bank and closed his eyes. +</P> + +<P> +"I'm sleepy," he said; "I had a restless night. Let's stay here +awhile; after all, there's no hurry." +</P> + +<P> +"Personally," said Coronel, "I'm all impatience to help that——" +</P> + +<P> +"I tell you I had a very bad night," said Udo crossly. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, well, I shall go off and look for dragons. Coronel, the Dragon +Slayer. Good-bye." +</P> + +<P> +"Only half an hour," said Udo. +</P> + +<P> +"Right." +</P> + +<P> +With a nod to the Prince he strolled off among the trees. +</P> + +<BR> + +<P align="right"><img src="images/0164X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Small decoration of Belvane writing in her diary.]"> +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<A NAME="chap09"></A> +<img src="images/0165X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Detail of Udo in his animal form, coming out of some plants.]"> +</P> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER IX +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THEY ARE AFRAID OF UDO +</H3> + +<P> +This is a painful chapter for me to write. Mercifully it is to be a +short one. Later on I shall become used to the situation; inclined, +even, to dwell upon its humorous side; but for the moment I cannot see +beyond the sadness of it. That to a Prince of the Royal House of +Araby, and such an estimable young man as Udo, those things should +happen. Roger Scurvilegs frankly breaks down over it. "That +abominable woman," he says (meaning, of course, Belvane), and he has +hysterics for more than a page. +</P> + +<P> +Let us describe it calmly. +</P> + +<P> +Coronel came back from his stroll in the same casual way in which he +had started and dropped down lazily upon the grass to wait until Udo +was ready to mount. He was not thinking of Udo. He was wondering if +Princess Hyacinth had an attendant of surpassing beauty, or a dragon +of surpassing malevolence—if, in fact, there were any adventures in +Euralia for a humble fellow like himself. +</P> + +<P> +"Coronel!" said a small voice behind him. +</P> + +<P> +He turned round indifferently. +</P> + +<P> +"Hullo, Udo, where are you?" he said. "Isn't it time we were +starting?" +</P> + +<P> +"We aren't starting," said the voice. +</P> + +<P> +"What's the matter? What are you hiding in the bushes for? +Whatever's the matter, Udo?" +</P> + +<P> +"I'm not very well." +</P> + +<P> +"My poor Udo, what's happened?" He jumped up and made towards him. +</P> + +<P> +"Stop!" shrieked the voice. "I command you!" +</P> + +<P> +Coronel stopped. +</P> + +<P> +"Your Royal Highness's commands," he began rather coldly—— +</P> + +<P> +There was an ominous sniffing from the bushes. +</P> + +<P> +"Coronel," said an unhappy voice at last, "I think I'm coming out." +</P> + +<P> +Wondering what it all meant, Coronel waited in silence. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, I am coming out, Coronel," said the voice. "But you mustn't be +surprised if I don't look very well. I'm—I'm—Coronel, here I am," +said Udo pathetically and he stepped out. +</P> + +<P> +Coronel didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. +</P> + +<P> +Poor Prince Udo! +</P> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0168"></a><img src="images/0168.jpg" alt="[Illustration: "Coronel, here I am," said Udo pathetically, and he stepped out, verso]"> +<img src="images/0169.jpg" alt="[Illustration: "Coronel, here I am," said Udo pathetically, and he stepped out, recto]"> +</P> + +<P> +He had the head and the long ears of a rabbit, and in some unfortunate +way a look of the real Prince Udo in spite of it. He had the mane and +the tail of a lion. In between the tail and the mane it is difficult +to say what he was, save that there was an impression of magnificence +about his person—such magnificence, anyhow, as is given by an +astrakhan-trimmed fur coat. +</P> + +<P> +Coronel decided that it was an occasion for tact. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, here you are," he said cheerfully. "Shall we get along?" +</P> + +<P> +"Don't be a fool, Coronel," said Udo, almost crying. "Don't pretend +that you can't <i>see</i> that I've got a tail." +</P> + +<P> +"Why, bless my soul, so you have. A tail! Well, think of that!" +</P> + +<P> +Udo showed what he thought of it by waving it peevishly. +</P> + +<P> +"This is not a time for tact," he said. "Tell me what I look like." +</P> + +<P> +Coronel considered for a moment. +</P> + +<P> +"Really frankly?" he asked. +</P> + +<P> +"Y—yes," said Udo nervously. +</P> + +<P> +"Then, frankly, your Royal Highness looks—funny." +</P> + +<P> +"<i>Very</i> funny?" said Udo wistfully. +</P> + +<P> +"<i>Very</i> funny," said Coronel. +</P> + +<P> +His Highness sighed. +</P> + +<P> +"I was afraid so," he said. "That's the cruel part about it. Had I +been a lion there would have been a certain pathetic splendour about +my position. Isolated—cut off—suffering in regal silence." He +waved an explanatory paw. "Even in the most hideous of beasts there +might be a dignity." He meditated for a moment. "Have you ever seen +a yak, Coronel?" he asked. +</P> + +<P> +"Never." +</P> + +<P> +"I saw one once in Barodia. It is not a beautiful animal, Coronel; +but as a yak I should not have been entirely unlovable. One does not +laugh at a yak, Coronel, and where one does not laugh one may come to +love. . . . What does my head look like?" +</P> + +<P> +"It looks—striking." +</P> + +<P> +"I haven't seen it, you see." +</P> + +<P> +"To one who didn't know your Royal Highness it would convey the +impression of a rabbit." +</P> + +<P> +Udo laid his head between his paws and wept. +</P> + +<P> +"A r—rabbit!" he sobbed. So undignified, so lacking in true pathos, +so—— And not even a whole rabbit," he added bitterly. +</P> + +<P> +"How did it happen?" +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know, Coronel. I just went to sleep, and woke up feeling +rather funny, and——" He sat up suddenly and stared at Coronel. "It +was that old woman did it. You mark my words, Coronel; she did it." +</P> + +<P> +"Why should she?" +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know. I was very polite to her. Don't you remember my +saying to you, 'Be polite to her, because she's probably a fairy!' +You see, I saw through her disguise at once. Coronel, what shall we +do? Let's hold a council of war and think it over." +</P> + +<P> +So they held a council of war. +</P> + +<P> +Prince Udo put forward two suggestions. +</P> + +<P> +The first was that Coronel should go back on the morrow and kill the +old woman. +</P> + +<P> +The second was that Coronel should go back that afternoon and kill the +old woman. +</P> + +<P> +Coronel pointed out that as she had turned Prince Udo into—into +a—a—("Quite so," said Udo)—it was likely that she alone could turn +him back again, and that in that case he had better only threaten her. +</P> + +<P> +"I want <i>somebody</i> killed," said Udo, rather naturally. +</P> + +<P> +"Suppose," said Coronel, "you stay here for two days while I go back +and see the old witch, and make her tell me what she knows. She knows +something, I'm certain. Then we shall see better what to do." +</P> + +<P> +Udo mused for a space. +</P> + +<P> +"Why didn't they turn <i>you</i> into anything?" he asked. +</P> + +<P> +"Really, I don't know. Perhaps because I'm too unimportant." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, that must be it." He began to feel a little brighter. +"Obviously, that's it." He caressed a whisker with one of his paws. +"They were afraid of me." +</P> + +<P> +He began to look so much happier that Coronel thought it was a +favourable moment in which to withdraw. +</P> + +<P> +"Shall I go now, your Royal Highness?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, yes, you may leave me." +</P> + +<P> +"And shall I find you here when I come back?" +</P> + +<P> +"You may or you may not, Coronel; you may or you may not. . . . +Afraid of me," he murmured to himself. "Obviously." +</P> + +<P> +"And if I don't?" +</P> + +<P> +"Then return to the Palace." +</P> + +<P> +"Good-bye, your Royal Highness." +</P> + +<P> +Udo waved a paw at him. +</P> + +<P> +"Good-bye, good-bye." +</P> + +<P> +Coronel got on his horse and rode away. As soon as he was out of +earshot he began to laugh. Spasm after spasm shook him. No sooner +had he composed himself to gravity than a remembrance of Udo's +appearance started him off again. +</P> + +<P> +"I couldn't have stayed with him a moment longer," he thought. "I +should have burst. Poor Udo! However, we'll soon get him all right." +</P> + +<P> +That evening he reached the place where the cottage had stood, but it +was gone. Next morning he rode back to the wood. Udo was gone too. +He returned to the Palace, and began to think it out. +</P> + +<P> + * * * * *<BR> +</P> + +<P> +Left to himself Udo very soon made up his mind. There were three +courses open to him. +</P> + +<P> +He might stay where he was till he was restored to health. +</P> + +<P> +This he rejected at once. When you have the head of a rabbit, the +tail of a lion, and the middle of a woolly lamb, the need for action +of some kind is imperative. All the blood of your diverse ancestors +calls to you to be up and doing. +</P> + +<P> +He might go back to Araby. +</P> + +<P> +To Araby, where he was so well-known, so respected, so popular? To +Araby, where he rode daily among his father's subjects that they might +have the pleasure of cheering him? How awkward for everybody! +</P> + +<P> +On to Euralia then? +</P> + +<P> +Why not? The Princess Hyacinth had called for him. What devotion it +showed if he came to her even now—in his present state of bad health! +She was in trouble: enchanters, wizards, what-nots. Already, then, +he had suffered in her service—so at least he would say, and so +possibly it might be. Coronel had thought him—funny; but women had +not much sense of humour as a rule. Probably as a child Hyacinth had +kept rabbits . . . or lambs. She would find him—strokable. . . . +And the lion in him . . . in his tail, his fierce mane . . . she would +find that inspiring. Women like to feel that there is something +fierce, untamable in the man they love; well, there it was. +</P> + +<P> +It was not as if he had Coronel with him. Coronel and he (in his +present health) could never have gone into Euralia together; the +contrast was too striking; but he alone, Hyacinth's only help! Surely +she would appreciate his magnanimity. +</P> + +<P> +Also, as he had told himself a moment ago, there was quite a chance +that it was a Euralian enchanter who had put this upon him—to prevent +him helping Hyacinth. If so, he had better go to Euralia in order to +deal with that enchanter. For the moment, he did not see exactly how +to deal with him, but no doubt he would think of some tremendously +cunning device later on. +</P> + +<P> +To Euralia then with all dispatch. +</P> + +<P> +He trotted off. As Coronel had said, they were evidently afraid of +him. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<A NAME="chap10"></A><img src="images/0179X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Detail of Belvane on horseback and throwing something]"> +</p> + + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER X +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHARLOTTE PATACAKE ASTONISHES THE CRITICS +</H3> + +<P> +The Lady Belvane sits in her garden. She is very happy. An enormous +quill-pen, taken from a former favourite goose and coloured red, is in +her right hand. The hair of her dark head, held on one side, touches +the paper whereon she writes, and her little tongue peeps out between +her red lips. Her left hand taps the table—one-two, one-two, +one-two, one-two, one-two. She is composing. +</P> + +<P> +Wonderful woman! +</P> + +<P> +You remember that scene with the Princess Hyacinth? "I feel we want a +little outside help in our affairs." A fortnight of suspense before +Prince Udo arrived. What had the ring done to him? At the best, even +if there would be no Udo at all to interfere, nevertheless she knew +that she had lost her footing at the Palace. She and the Princess +would now be open enemies. At the worst—those magic rings were so +untrustworthy!—a Prince, still powerful, and now seriously annoyed, +might be leagued against her. +</P> + +<P> +Yet she composed. +</P> + +<P> +And what is she writing? She is entering for the competition in +connection with the Encouragement of Literature Scheme: the last +scheme which the Princess had signed. +</P> + +<P> +I like to think of her peacefully writing at a time when her whole +future hung in the balance. Roger sneers at her. "Even now," he +says, "she was hoping to wring a last bag-full of gold from her +wretched country." I deny emphatically that she was doing anything of +the sort. She was entering for a duly authorised competition under +the pen-name of Charlotte Patacake. The fact that the Countess +Belvane, according to the provisions of the scheme, was sole judge of +the competition, is beside the point. Belvane's opinion of Charlotte +Patacake's poetry was utterly sincere, and uninfluenced in any way by +monetary considerations. If Patacake were rewarded the first prize it +would be because Belvane honestly thought she was worth it. +</P> + +<P> +One other fact by way of defence against Roger's slanders. As judge, +Belvane had chosen the subject of the prize poems. Now Belvane and +Patacake both excelled in the lighter forms of lyrical verse; yet the +subject of the poem was to be epic. "The Barodo-Euralian War"—no +less. How many modern writers would be as fair? +</P> + +<P class="poem"> +"THE BARODO-EURALIAN WAR." +</P> + +<P> +This line is written in gold, and by itself would obtain a prize in +any local competition. +</P> + +<P class="poem"> + <i>King Merriwig the First rode out to war</i><BR> + <i>As many other kings had done before!</i><BR> + <i>Five hundred men behind him marched to fight—</i><BR> +</P> + +<P> +There follows a good deal of scratching out, and then comes (a sudden +inspiration) this sublimely simple line: +</P> + +<P class="poem"> + <i>Left-right, left-right, left-right, left-right, left-right.</i> <BR> +</P> + +<P> +One can almost hear the men moving. +</P> + +<P class="poem"> + <i>What gladsome cheers assailed the balmy air—</i><BR> + <i>They came from north, from south, from everywhere!</i><BR> + <i>No wight that stood upon that sacred scene</i><BR> + <i>Could gaze upon the sight unmoved, I ween:</i><BR> + <i>No wight that stood upon that sacred spot</i><BR> + <i>Could gaze upon the sight unmoved, I wot:</i><BR> +</P> + +<P> +It is not quite clear whether the last couplet is an alternative to +the couplet before or is purposely added in order to strengthen it. +Looking over her left shoulder it seems to me that there is a line +drawn through the first one, but I cannot see very clearly because of +her hair, which will keep straying over the page. +</P> + +<P class="poem"> + <i>Why do they march so fearless and so bold?</i><BR> + <i>The answer is not very quickly told.</i> <BR> + <i>To put it shortly, the Barodian king</i><BR> + <i>Insulted Merriwig like anything—</i><BR> + <i>King Merriwig, the dignified and wise,</i> <BR> + <i>Who saw him flying over with surprise,</i> <BR> + <i>As did his daughter, Princess Hyacinth.</i> <BR> +</P> + +<P> +This was as far as she had got. +</P> + +<P> +She left the table and began to walk round her garden. There is +nothing like it for assisting thought. However, to-day it was not +helping much; she went three times round and still couldn't think of a +rhyme for Hyacinth. "Plinth" was a little difficult to work in; +"besides," she reminded herself, "I don't quite know what it means." +Belvane felt as I do about poetry: that however incomprehensible it +may be to the public, the author should be quite at ease with it. +</P> + +<P> +She added up the lines she had written already—seventeen. If she +stopped there, it would be the only epic that had stopped at the +seventeenth line. +</P> + +<P> +She sighed, stretched her arms, and looked up at the sky. The weather +was all against her. It was the ideal largesse morning. . . . +</P> + +<P> +Twenty minutes later she was on her cream-white palfrey. Twenty-one +minutes later Henrietta Crossbuns had received a bag of gold neatly +under the eye, as she bobbed to her Ladyship. To this extent only did +H. Crossbuns leave her mark upon Euralian history; but it was a mark +which lasted for a full month. +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth knew nothing of all this. She did not even know that Belvane +was entering for the prize poem. She had forgotten her promise to +encourage literature in the realm. +</P> + +<P> +And why? Ah, ladies, can you not guess why? She was thinking of +Prince Udo of Araby. What did he look like? Was he dark or fair? +Did his hair curl naturally or not? +</P> + +<P> +Was he wondering at all what <i>she</i> looked like? +</P> + +<P> +Wiggs had already decided that he was to fall in love with her Royal +Highness and marry her. +</P> + +<P> +"I think," said Wiggs, "that he'll be very tall, and have lovely blue +eyes and golden hair." +</P> + +<P> +This is what they were like in all the books she had ever dusted; like +this were the seven Princes (now pursuing perilous adventures in +distant countries) to whom the King had promised Hyacinth's +hand—Prince Hanspatch of Tregong, Prince Ulric, the Duke of +Highanlow, and all the rest of them. Poor Prince Ulric! In the +moment of victory he was accidentally fallen upon by the giant whom he +was engaged in undermining, and lost all appetite for adventure +thereby. Indeed, in his latter years he was alarmed by anything +larger than a goldfish, and lived a life of strictest seclusion. +</P> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0186"></a> +<img src="images/0186.jpg" +alt="[Illustration: Twenty-one minutes later Henrietta Crossbuns was acknowledging a bag of gold]"> +<img src="images/0187.jpg" +alt="[Illustration: Twenty-one minutes later Henrietta Crossbuns was acknowledging a bag of gold]"> +</P> + +<P> +"<i>I</i> think he'll be dark," said Hyacinth. Her own hair was +corn-coloured. +</P> + +<P> +Poor Prince Hanspatch of Tregong; I've just remembered about him—no, +I haven't, it was the Duke of Highanlow. Poor Duke of Highanlow! A +misunderstanding with a wizard having caused his head to face the +wrong way round, he was so often said good-bye to at the very moment +of arrival, that he gradually lost his enthusiasm for social +enterprises and confined himself to his own palace, where his +acrobatic dexterity in supplying himself with soup was a constant +source of admiration to his servants. . . . +</P> + +<P> +However, it was Prince Udo of whom they were thinking now. The +Messenger had returned from Araby; his Royal Highness must be expected +on the morrow. +</P> + +<P> +"I do hope he'll be comfortable in the Purple Room," said Hyacinth. +"I wonder if it wouldn't have been better to have left him in the Blue +Room, after all." +</P> + +<P> +They had had him in the Blue Room two days ago, until Hyacinth thought +that perhaps he would be more comfortable in the Purple Room, after +all. +</P> + +<P> +"The Purple Room has the best view," said Wiggs helpfully. +</P> + +<P> +"And it gets the sun. Wiggs, don't forget to put some flowers there. +And have you given him any books?" +</P> + +<P> +"I gave him two," said Wiggs. "<i>Quests for Princes</i>, and <i>Wild +Animals at Home</i>." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I'm sure he'll like those. Now let's think what we shall do when +he comes. He'll arrive some time in the afternoon. Naturally he will +want a little refreshment." +</P> + +<P> +"Would he like a picnic in the forest?" asked Wiggs. +</P> + +<P> +"I don't think any one wants a picnic after a long journey." +</P> + +<P> +"I <i>love</i> picnics." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, dear; but, you see, Prince Udo's much older than you, and I +expect he's had so many picnics that he's tired of them. I suppose +really I ought to receive him in the Throne Room, but that's +so—so——" +</P> + +<P> +"Stuffy," said Wiggs. +</P> + +<P> +"That's just it. We should feel uncomfortable with each other the +whole time. I think I shall receive him up here; I never feel so +nervous in the open air." +</P> + +<P> +"Will the Countess be here?" asked Wiggs. +</P> + +<P> +"No," said the Princess coldly. "At least," she corrected herself, +"she will not be invited. Good afternoon, Countess." It was like +her, thought Hyacinth, to arrive at that very moment. +</P> + +<P> +Belvane curtsied low. +</P> + +<P> +"Good afternoon, your Royal Highness. I am here purely on a matter of +business. I thought it my duty to inform your Royal Highness of the +result of the Literature prize." She spoke meekly, and as one who +forgave Hyacinth for her unkindness towards her. +</P> + +<P> +"Certainly, Countess. I shall be glad to hear." +</P> + +<P> +The Countess unrolled a parchment. +</P> + +<P> +"The prize has been won," she said, "by——" she held the parchment a +little closer to her eyes, "by Charlotte Patacake." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, yes. Who is she?" +</P> + +<P> +"A most deserving woman, your Royal Highness. If she is the woman I'm +thinking of, a most deserving person, to whom the money will be more +than welcome. Her poem shows a sense of values combined +with—er—breadth, and—er—distance, such as I have seldom seen +equalled. The—er—technique is only excelled by the—shall I +say?—tempermentality, the boldness of the colouring, by the—how +shall I put it?—the firmness of the outline. In short——" +</P> + +<P> +"In short," said the Princess, "you like it." +</P> + +<P> +"Your Royal Highness, it is unique. But naturally you will wish to +hear it for yourself. It is only some twelve hundred lines long. I +will declaim it to your Royal Highness." +</P> + +<P> +She held the manuscript out at the full length of her left arm, struck +an attitude with the right arm, and began in her most thrilling voice: +</P> + +<P class="poem"> + "<i>King Merriwig the First rode out to war,</i><BR> + <i>As many other kings——</i>"<BR> +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, Countess, but another time. I am busy this afternoon. As you +know, I think, the Prince Udo of Araby arrives to-morrow, and——" +</P> + +<P> +Belvane's lips were still moving, and her right arm swayed up and +down. "<i>What gladsome cheers assailed the balmy air!</i>" she murmured +to herself, and her hand when up to heaven. "<i>They come from north, +from south</i>" (she pointed in the directions mentioned), "<i>from +everywhere. No wight that stood——</i>" +</P> + +<P> +"He will be received privately up here by myself in the first place, +and afterwards——" +</P> + +<P> +"<i>Could gaze upon the sight unmoved, I wot</i>," whispered Belvane, and +placed her hand upon her breast to show that anyhow it had been too +much for <i>her</i>. "<i>Why do they march so——</i> I beg your Royal +Highness's pardon. I was so carried away by this wonderful poem. I +do beg of your Royal Highness to read it." +</P> + +<P> +The Princess waved the manuscript aside. +</P> + +<P> +"I am not unmindful of the claims of literature, Countess, and I shall +certainly read the poem another time. Meanwhile I can, I hope, trust +you to see that the prize is awarded to the rightful winner. What I +am telling you now is that the Prince Udo is arriving to-morrow." +</P> + +<P> +Belvane looked innocently puzzled. +</P> + +<P> +"Prince Udo—Udo—would that be Prince Udo of Carroway, your Royal +Highness? A tall man with three legs?" +</P> + +<P> +"Prince Udo of Araby," said Hyacinth severely. "I think I have +already mentioned him to your ladyship. He will make a stay of some +months." +</P> + +<P> +"But how <i>delightful</i>, your Royal Highness, to see a man again! We +were all getting so dull together! We want a man to wake us up a +little, don't we, Wiggs? I will go and give orders about his room at +once, your Royal Highness. You will wish him to be in the Purple +Room, of course?" +</P> + +<P> +That settled it. +</P> + +<P> +"He will be in the Blue Room," said Hyacinth decidedly. +</P> + +<P> +"Certainly, your Royal Highness. Fancy, Wiggs, a man again! I will +go and see about it now, if I may have your Royal Highness's leave to +withdraw?" +</P> + +<P> +A little mystified by Belvane's manner, Hyacinth inclined her head, +and the Countess withdrew. +</P> + +<P> +</P> + +<P> +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<A NAME="chap11"></A> +<img src="images/0197X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Detail of Udo as an animal]"> +</p> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XI +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +WATERCRESS SEEMS TO GO WITH THE EARS +</H3> + +<P> +Wiggs gave a parting pat to the tablecloth and stood looking at it +with her head on one side. +</P> + +<P> +"Now, then," she said, "have we got everything?" +</P> + +<P> +"What about sardines?" said Woggs in her common way. (I don't know +what she's doing in this scene at all, but Roger Scurvilegs insists on +it.) +</P> + +<P> +"I don't think a <i>Prince</i> would like <i>sardines</i>," said Wiggs. +</P> + +<P> +"If <i>I'd</i> been on a long journey, I'd <i>love</i> sardines. It <i>is</i> a very +long journey from Araby, isn't it?" +</P> + +<P> +"Awful long. Why, it's taken him nearly a week. Perhaps," she added +hopefully, "he's had something on the way." +</P> + +<P> +"Perhaps he took some sandwiches with him," said Woggs, thinking that +this would be a good thing to do. +</P> + +<P> +"What do you think he'll be like, Woggs?" +</P> + +<P> +Woggs though for a long time. +</P> + +<P> +"Like the King," she said. "Only different," she added, as an +afterthought. +</P> + +<P> +Up came the Princess for the fifth time that afternoon, all +excitement. +</P> + +<P> +"Well," she said, "is everything ready?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, your Royal Highness. Except Woggs and me didn't quite know +about sardines." +</P> + +<P> +The Princess laughed happily. +</P> + +<P> +"I think there will be enough there for him. It all looks very nice." +</P> + +<P> +She turned round and discovered behind her the last person she wanted +to see just then. +</P> + +<P> +The-last-person-she-wanted-to-see-just-then curtsied effectively. +</P> + +<P> +"Forgive me, your Royal Highness," she said profusely, "but I thought +I had left Charlotte Patacake's priceless manuscript up here. No; +evidently I was mistaken, your Royal Highness. I will withdraw, your +Royal Highness, as I know your Royal Highness would naturally wish to +receive his Royal Highness alone." +</P> + +<P> +Listening to this speech one is impressed with Woggs' method of +calling everybody "Mum." +</P> + +<P> +"Not at all, Countess," said Hyacinth coldly. "We would prefer you to +stay and help us receive his Royal Highness. He is a little late, I +think." +</P> + +<P> +Belvane looked unspeakably distressed. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I do <i>hope</i> that nothing has happened to him on the way," she +exclaimed. "I've an uneasy feeling that something may have occurred." +</P> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0200"></a> +<img src="images/0200.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Princess Hyacinth gave a shriek and faltered slowly backwards, verso]"> +<img src="images/0201.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Princess Hyacinth gave a shriek and faltered slowly backwards, recto]"> +</P> + +<P> +"What could have happened to him?" asked Hyacinth, not apparently very +much alarmed. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, your Royal Highness, it's just a sort of silly feeling of mine. +There may be nothing in it." +</P> + +<P> +There was a noise of footsteps from below; a man's voice was heard. +The Princess and the Countess, both extremely nervous, but from +entirely different reasons, arranged suitable smiles of greeting upon +their faces; Wiggs and Woggs stood in attitudes of appropriate +meekness by the table. The Court Painter could have made a beautiful +picture of it. +</P> + +<P> +"His Royal Highness Prince Udo of Araby," announced the voice of an +attendant. +</P> + +<P> +"A nervous moment," said Belvane to herself. "Can the ring have +failed to act?" +</P> + +<P> +Udo trotted in. +</P> + +<P> +"It hasn't," said Belvane. +</P> + +<P> +Princess Hyacinth gave a shriek, and faltered slowly backwards; Wiggs, +who was familiar with these little accidents in the books which she +dusted, and Woggs, who had a natural love for any kind of animal, +stood their ground. +</P> + +<P> +"Whatever is it?" murmured Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +It was as well that Belvane was there. +</P> + +<P> +"Allow me to present to your Royal Highness," she said, stepping +forward, "his Royal Highness Prince Udo of Araby." +</P> + +<P> +"Prince <i>Udo?</i>" said Hyacinth, all unwilling to believe it. +</P> + +<P> +"I'm afraid so," said Udo gloomily. He had thought over this meeting +a good deal in the last two or three days, and he realised now that he +had underestimated the difficulties of it. +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth remembered that she was a Princess and a woman. +</P> + +<P> +"I'm delighted to welcome your Royal Highness to Euralia," she said. +"Won't you sit down—I mean up—er, down." (How <i>did</i> rabbits sit? +Or whatever he was?) +</P> + +<P> +Udo decided to sit up. +</P> + +<P> +"Thank you. You've no idea how difficult it is to talk on four legs +to somebody higher up. It strains the neck so." +</P> + +<P> +There was an awkward silence. Nobody quite knew what to say. +</P> + +<P> +Except Belvane. +</P> + +<P> +She turned to Udo with her most charming smile. "Did you have a +pleasant journey?" she asked sweetly. +</P> + +<P> +"No," said Udo coldly. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, do tell us what happened to you?" cried Hyacinth. "Did you meet +some terrible enchanter on the way? Oh, I am so dreadfully sorry." +</P> + +<P> +When one is not feeling very well there is a certain type of question +which is always annoying. +</P> + +<P> +"Can't you <i>see</i> what's happened to me?" said Udo crossly. "I don't +know <i>how</i> it happened. I had come two days' journey from Araby, +when——" +</P> + +<P> +"Please, your Royal Highness," said Wiggs, "is this <i>your</i> tail in the +salt?" She took it out, gave it a shake, and handed it back to him. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, thank you, thank you—two days' journey from Araby when I woke up +one afternoon and found myself like this. I ask you to imagine my +annoyance. My first thought naturally was to return home and hide +myself; but I told myself, Princess, that <i>you</i> wanted me." +</P> + +<P> +The Princess could not help being touched by this, said as it was with +a graceful movement of the ears and a caressing of the right whisker, +but she wondered a little what she would do with him now that she had +got him. +</P> + +<P> +"Er—what <i>are</i> you?" put in Belvane kindly, knowing how men are +always glad to talk about themselves. +</P> + +<P> +Udo had caught sight of a well-covered table, and was looking at it +with a curious mixture of hope and resignation. +</P> + +<P> +"Very, very hungry," he said, speaking with the air of one who knows. +</P> + +<P> +The Princess, whose mind had been travelling, woke up suddenly. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I was forgetting my manners," she said with a smile for which the +greediest would have forgiven her. "Let us sit down and refresh +ourselves. May I present to your Royal Highness the Countess +Belvane." +</P> + +<P> +"Do I shake hands or pat him?" murmured that mistress of Court +etiquette, for once at a loss. +</P> + +<P> +Udo placed a paw over his heart and bowed profoundly. +</P> + +<P> +"Charmed," he said gallantly, and coming from a cross between a lion, +a rabbit, and a woolly lamb the merest suggestion of gallantry has a +most pleasing effect. +</P> + +<P> +They grouped themselves round the repast. +</P> + +<P> +"A little sherbet, your Royal Highness?" said Hyacinth, who presided +over the bowl. +</P> + +<P> +Udo was evidently longing to say yes, but hesitated. +</P> + +<P> +"I wonder if I dare." +</P> + +<P> +"It's very good sherbet," said Wiggs, to encourage him. +</P> + +<P> +"I'm sure it is, my dear. But the question is, Do I like sherbet?" +</P> + +<P> +"You can't help knowing if you like <i>sherbet</i>." +</P> + +<P> +"Don't bother him, Wiggs," said Hyacinth, "a venison sandwich, dear +Prince?" +</P> + +<P> +"The question is, Do I like venison sandwiches?" +</P> + +<P> +"<i>I</i> do," announced Woggs to any one who was interested. +</P> + +<P> +"You see," explained Udo, "I really don't know <i>what</i> I like." +</P> + +<P> +They were all surprised at this, particularly Woggs. Belvane, who was +enjoying herself too much to wish to do anything but listen, said +nothing, and it was the Princess who obliged Udo by asking him what he +meant. It was a subject upon which he was longing to let himself go +to somebody. +</P> + +<P> +"Well," he said, expanding himself a little, so that Wiggs had to +remove his tail this time from the custard, "what am I?" +</P> + +<P> +Nobody ventured to offer an opinion. +</P> + +<P> +"Am I a hare? Then put me next to the red currant jelly, or whatever +it is that hares like." +</P> + +<P> +The anxious eye of the hostess wandered over the table. +</P> + +<P> +"Am I a lion?" went on Udo, developing his theme. "Then pass me +Wiggs." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, please don't be a lion," said Wiggs gently, as she stroked his +mane. +</P> + +<P> +"But haven't you a feeling for anything?" asked Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +"I have a great feeling of emptiness. I yearn for <i>something</i>, only I +don't quite know what." +</P> + +<P> +"I hope it isn't sardines," whispered Wiggs to Woggs. +</P> + +<P> +"But what have you been eating on the way?" asked the Princess. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, grass and things chiefly. I thought I should be safe with +grass." +</P> + +<P> +"And were you—er—safe?" asked Belvane, with a great show of anxiety. +</P> + +<P> +Udo coughed and said nothing. +</P> + +<P> +"I know it's silly of me," said Hyacinth, "but I still don't quite +understand. I should have thought that if you were a—a——" +</P> + +<P> +"Quite so," said Udo. +</P> + +<P> +"—then you would have known by instinct what a—a——" +</P> + +<P> +"Exactly," said Udo. +</P> + +<P> +"Likes to eat." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, I thought you'd think that. That's just what I thought when +this—when I began to feel unwell. But I've worked it out since, and +it's all wrong." +</P> + +<P> +"This <i>is</i> interesting," said Belvane, settling herself more +comfortably. "<i>Do</i> go on." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, when——" He coughed and looked round at them coyly. "This is +really rather a delicate subject." +</P> + +<P> +"Not at all," murmured Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, it's like this. When an enchanter wants to annoy you he +generally turns you into an animal of some kind." +</P> + +<P> +Belvane achieved her first blush since she was seventeen. +</P> + +<P> +"It <i>is</i> a humorous way they have," she said. +</P> + +<P> +"But suppose you really were an animal altogether, it wouldn't annoy +you at all. An elephant isn't annoyed at being an elephant; he just +tries to be a good elephant, and he'd be miserable if he couldn't do +things with his trunk. The annoying thing is to look like an elephant, +to have the very complicated—er—inside of an elephant, and yet all +the time really to be a man." +</P> + +<P> +They were all intensely interested. Woggs thought that it was going +to lead up to a revelation of what sort of animal Prince Udo really +was, but in this she was destined to be disappointed. After all there +were advantages in Udo's present position. As a man he had never been +listened to so attentively. +</P> + +<P> +"Now suppose for a moment I am a lion. I have the—er—delicate +apparatus of a lion, but the beautiful thoughts and aspirations of a +Prince. Thus there is one—er—side of me which craves for raw beef, +but none the less there is a higher side of me" (he brought his paw up +towards his heart), "which—well, you know how <i>you'd</i> feel about it +yourself." +</P> + +<P> +The Princess shuddered. +</P> + +<P> +"I <i>should</i>," she said, with conviction. +</P> + +<P> +Belvane was interested, but thought it all a little crude. +</P> + +<P> +"You see the point," went on Udo. "A baby left to itself doesn't know +what is good for it. Left to itself it would eat anything. Now turn +a man suddenly into an animal and he is in exactly the same state as +that baby." +</P> + +<P> +"I hadn't thought of it like that," said Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +"I've <i>had</i> to think of it! Now let us proceed further with the +matter." Udo was thoroughly enjoying himself. He had not had such a +time since he had given an address on Beetles to all the leading +citizens of Araby at his coming-of-age. "Suppose again that I am a +lion. I know from what I have read or seen that raw meat agrees best +with the lion's—er—organisation, and however objectionable it might +look I should be foolish not to turn to it for sustenance. But if you +don't quite know what animal you're supposed to be, see how difficult +the problem becomes. It's a question of trying all sorts of horrible +things in order to find out what agrees with you." His eyes took on a +faraway look, a look in which the most poignant memories seem to be +reflected. "I've been experimenting," he said, "for the last three +days." +</P> + +<P> +They all gazed sadly and sympathetically at him. Except Belvane. She +of course wouldn't. +</P> + +<P> +"What went best?" she asked brightly. +</P> + +<P> +"Oddly enough," said Udo, cheering up a little, "banana fritters. +Have you ever kept any animal who lived entirely on banana fritters?" +</P> + +<P> +"Never," smiled the Princess. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, that's the animal I probably am." He sighed and added, "There +were one or two animals I wasn't." For a little while he seemed to be +revolving bitter memories, and then went on, "I don't suppose any of +you here have any idea how very prickly thistles are when they are +going down. Er—may I try a watercress sandwich? It doesn't suit the +tail, but it seems to go with the ears." He took a large bite and +added through the leaves, "I hope I don't bore you, Princess, with my +little troubles." +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth clasped his paw impulsively. +</P> + +<P> +"My dear Prince Udo, I'm only longing to help. We must think of some +way of getting this horrible enchantment off you. There are so many +wise books in the library, and my father has composed a spell +which—oh, I'm sure we shall soon have you all right again." +</P> + +<P> +Udo took another sandwich. +</P> + +<P> +"Very good of you, Princess, to say so. You understand how annoying a +little indisposition of this kind is to a man of my temperament." He +beckoned to Wiggs. "How do you make these?" he asked in an undertone. +</P> + +<P> +Gracefully undulating, Belvane rose from her seat. +</P> + +<P> +"Well," she said, "I must go and see that the stable——" she broke +off in a pretty confusion—"How <i>silly</i> of me, I mean the Royal +Apartment is prepared. Have I your Royal Highness's leave to +withdraw?" +</P> + +<P> +She had. +</P> + +<P> +"And, Wiggs, dear, you too had better run along and see if you can +help. You may leave the watercress sandwiches," she added, as Wiggs +hesitated for a moment. +</P> + +<P> +With a grateful look at her Royal Highness Udo helped himself to +another one. +</P> + +<P> +</P> + +<P> +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<A NAME="chap12"></A> +<img src="images/0217X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Detail of a child with a very large boot]"> +</p> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XII +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +WE DECIDE TO WRITE TO UDO'S FATHER +</H3> + +<P> +"Now, my dear Princess," said Udo, as soon as they were alone. "Let +me know in what way I can help you." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Prince Udo," said Hyacinth earnestly, "it <i>is</i> so good of you to +have come. I feel that this—this little accident is really my fault +for having asked you here." +</P> + +<P> +"Not at all, dear lady. It is the sort of little accident that might +have happened to anybody, anywhere. If I can still be of assistance +to you, pray inform me. Though my physical powers may not for the +moment be quite what they were, I flatter myself that my mental +capabilities are in no way diminished." He took another bite of his +sandwich and wagged his head wisely at her. +</P> + +<P> +"Let's come over here," said Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +She moved across to an old stone seat in the wall, Udo following with +the plate, and made room for him by her side. There is, of course, a +way of indicating to a gentleman that he may sit next to you on the +Chesterfield, and tell you what he has been doing in town lately, and +there is also another way of patting the sofa for Fido to jump up and +be-a-good-dog-and-lie-down-sir. Hyacinth achieved something very +tactful in between, and Udo jumped up gracefully. +</P> + +<P> +"Now we can talk," said Hyacinth. "You noticed that lady, the +Countess Belvane, whom I presented to you?" +</P> + +<P> +Udo nodded. +</P> + +<P> +"What did you think of her?" +</P> + +<P> +Udo was old enough to know what to say to that. +</P> + +<P> +"I hardly looked at her," he said. And he added with a deep bow, +"Naturally when your Royal Highness—oh, I beg your pardon, are my +ears in your way?" +</P> + +<P> +"It's all right," said Hyacinth, rearranging her hair. "Well, it was +because of that woman that I sent for you." +</P> + +<P> +"But I can't marry her like this, your Royal Highness." +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth turned a startled face towards him. Udo perceived that he +had blundered. To hide his confusion he took another sandwich and ate +it very quickly. +</P> + +<P> +"I want your help against her," said Hyacinth, a little distantly; +"she is plotting against me." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, your Royal Highness, now I see," said Udo, and he wagged his head +as much as to say, "You've come to the right man this time." +</P> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0220"></a> +<img src="images/0220.jpg" +alt="[Illustration: "Now we can talk," said Hyacinth, verso]"> +<img src="images/0221.jpg" +alt="[Illustration: "Now we can talk," said Hyacinth, recto]"> +</P> + +<P> +"I don't trust her," said Hyacinth impressively. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, now, Princess, I'm not surprised. I'll tell you something +about that woman." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, what?" +</P> + +<P> +"Well, when I was announced just now, what happened? You, yourself, +Princess, were not unnaturally a little alarmed; those two little +girls were surprised and excited; but what of this Countess Belvane? +What did <i>she</i> do?" +</P> + +<P> +"What <i>did</i> she do?" +</P> + +<P> +"Nothing," said Udo impressively. "She was neither surprised nor +alarmed." +</P> + +<P> +"Why, now I come to think of it, I don't believe she was." +</P> + +<P> +"And yet," said Udo half pathetically, half proudly, "Princes don't +generally look like this. Now, why wasn't she surprised?" +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth looked bewildered. +</P> + +<P> +"Did she know you were sending for me?" Udo went on. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes." +</P> + +<P> +"Because you had found out something about her?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes." +</P> + +<P> +"Then depend upon it, <i>she's</i> done it. <i>What</i> a mind that woman must +have!" +</P> + +<P> +"But how could she do it?" exclaimed Hyacinth. "Of course it's just +the sort of thing she <i>would</i> do if she could." +</P> + +<P> +Udo didn't answer. He was feeling rather annoyed with Belvane, and +had got off his seat and was trotting up and down so as not to show +his feelings before a lady. +</P> + +<P> +"How <i>could</i> she do it?" implored Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, she's in with some enchanter or somebody," said Udo impatiently +as he trotted past. +</P> + +<P> +Suddenly he had an idea. He stopped in front of her. +</P> + +<P> +"If only I were <i>sure</i> I was a lion." +</P> + +<P> +He tried to roar, exclaimed hastily that it was only a practice one, +and roared again. "No, I don't think I'm a lion after all," he +admitted sadly. +</P> + +<P> +"Well," said Hyacinth, "we must think of a plan." +</P> + +<P> +"We must think of a plan," said Udo, and he came and sat meekly beside +her again. He could conceal it from himself no longer that he was not +a lion. The fact depressed him. +</P> + +<P> +"I suppose I have been weak," went on Hyacinth, "but ever since the +men went away she has been the ruling spirit of the country. I think +she is plotting against me; I <i>know</i> she is robbing me. I asked you +here so that you could help me to find her out." +</P> + +<P> +Udo nodded his head importantly. +</P> + +<P> +"We must watch her," he announced. +</P> + +<P> +"We must watch her," agreed Hyacinth. "It may take months——" +</P> + +<P> +"Did you say months?" said Udo, turning to her excitedly. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, why?" +</P> + +<P> +"Well, it's——" he gave a deprecating little cough. "I know it's +very silly of me but—oh, well, let's hope it will be all right." +</P> + +<P> +"Why, whatever is the matter?" +</P> + +<P> +Udo was decidedly embarrassed. He wriggled. He drew little circles +with his hind paw on the ground and he shot little coy glances at her. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, I"—and he gave a little nervous giggle—"I have a sort of +uneasy feeling that I may be one of those animals"—he gave another +conscious little laugh—"that have to go to sleep all through the +winter. It would be very annoying—if I"—his paw became very busy +here—"if I had to dig a little hole in the ground, just when the plot +was thickening." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, but you won't," said Hyacinth, in distress. +</P> + +<P> +They were both silent for a moment, thinking of the awful +possibilities. Udo's tail had fallen across Hyacinth's lap, and she +began to play with it absently. +</P> + +<P> +"Anyway," she said hopefully, "it's only July now." +</P> + +<P> +"Ye—es," said Udo. "I suppose I should get—er—busy about November. +We ought to find out something before then. First of all we'd +better—— Oh!" He started up in dismay. "I've just had a +<i>horrible</i> thought. Don't I have to collect a little store of nuts +and things?" +</P> + +<P> +"Surely——" +</P> + +<P> +"I should have to start that pretty soon," said Udo thoughtfully. +"You know, I shouldn't be very handy at it. Climbing about after +nuts," he went on dreamily, "what a life for a——" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, don't!" pleaded Hyacinth. "Surely only squirrels do that?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes—yes. Now, if I were a squirrel. I should—may I have my tail +for a moment?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I'm so sorry," said Hyacinth, very much confused as she realised +the liberty she had been taking, and she handed his tail back to him. +</P> + +<P> +"Not at all," said Udo. +</P> + +<P> +He took it firmly in his right hand. "Now then," he said, "we shall +see. Watch this." +</P> + +<P> +Sitting on his back legs he arched his tail over his head, and letting +go of it suddenly, began to nibble at a sandwich held in his two front +paws. . . . +</P> + +<P> +A pretty picture for an artist. +</P> + +<P> +But a bad model. The tail fell with a thud to the ground. +</P> + +<P> +"There!" said Udo triumphantly. "That proves it. I'm <i>not</i> a +squirrel." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I'm so glad," said Hyacinth, completely convinced, as any one +would have been, by this demonstration. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, well, that's all right then. Now we can make our plans. First +of all we'd better——" He stopped suddenly, and Hyacinth saw that he +was gazing at his tail. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes?" she said encouragingly. +</P> + +<P> +He picked up his tail and held it out in front of him. There was a +large knot in the middle of it. +</P> + +<P> +"Now, <i>what</i> have I forgotten?" he said, rubbing his head +thoughtfully. +</P> + +<P> +Poor Hyacinth! +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, dear Prince Udo, I'm so sorry. I'm afraid I did that without +thinking." +</P> + +<P> +Udo, the gallant gentleman, was not found wanting. +</P> + +<P> +"A lover's knot," he said, with a graceful incli—no, he stopped in +time. But really, those ears of his made ordinary politeness quite +impossible. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Udo," said Hyacinth impulsively, "if only I could help you to get +back to your proper form again." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, if only," said Udo, becoming practical again; "but how are we +going to do it? Just one more watercress sandwich," he said +apologetically; "they go with the ears so well." +</P> + +<P> +"I shall threaten the Countess," said Hyacinth excitedly. "I shall +tell her that unless she makes the enchanter restore you to your +proper form, I shall put her in prison." +</P> + +<P> +Udo was not listening. He had gone off into his own thoughts. +"Banana fritters <i>and</i> watercress sandwiches," he was murmuring to +himself. "I suppose I must be the only animal of the kind in the +world." +</P> + +<P> +"Of course," went on Hyacinth, half to herself, "she might get the +people on her side, the ones that she's bribed. And if she did——" +</P> + +<P> +"That's all right, that's all right," said Udo grandly. "Leave her to +me. There's something about your watercress that inspires me to do +terrible deeds. I feel a new—whatever I am." +</P> + +<P> +One gathers reluctantly from this speech that Udo had partaken too +freely. +</P> + +<P> +"Of course," said Hyacinth, "I could write to my father, who might +send some of his men back, but I shouldn't like to do that. I +shouldn't like him to think that I had failed him." +</P> + +<P> +"Extraordinary how I take to these things," said Udo, allowing himself +a little more room on the seat. "Perhaps I am a rabbit after all. I +wonder what I should look like behind wire netting." He took another +bite and went on, "I wonder what I should do if I saw a ferret. I +suppose you haven't got a ferret on you, Princess?" +</P> + +<P> +"I beg your pardon, Prince? I'm afraid I was thinking of something +else. What did you say?" +</P> + +<P> +"Nothing, nothing. One's thoughts run on." He put his hand out for +the plate, and discovered that it was empty. He settled himself more +comfortably, and seemed to be about to sink into slumber when his +attention was attracted suddenly by the knot in his tail. He picked +it up and began lazily to undo it. "I wish I could lash my tail," he +murmured; "mine seems to be one of the tails that don't lash." He +began very gingerly to feel the tip of it. "I wonder if I've got a +sting anywhere." He closed his eyes, muttering, "Sting Countess neck, +sting all over neck, sting lots stings," and fell peacefully asleep. +</P> + +<P> +It was a disgraceful exhibition. Roger Scurvilegs tries to slur it +over; talks about the great heat of the sun, and the notorious effect +of even one or two watercress sandwiches on an empty—on a man who has +had nothing to eat for several days. This is to palter with the +facts. The effect of watercress sandwiches upon Udo's arrangements +(however furnished) we have all just seen for ourselves; but what +Roger neglects to lay stress upon is the fact that it was the effect +of twenty-one or twenty-two watercress sandwiches. There is no +denying that it was a disgraceful exhibition. If I had been there, I +should certainly have written to his father about it. +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth looked at him uneasily. Her first feeling was one of +sympathy. "Poor fellow," she thought, "he's had a hard time lately." +But it is a strain on the sympathy to gaze too long on a mixture of +lion, rabbit, and woolly lamb, particularly when the rabbit part has +its mouth open and is snoring gently. +</P> + +<P> +Besides, what could she do with him? She had two of them on her hands +now: the Countess and the Prince. Belvane was in an even better +position than before. She could now employ Udo to help her in her +plots against the Princess. "Grant to me so and so, or I'll keep the +enchantment for ever on his Royal Highness." And what could a poor +girl do? +</P> + +<P> +Well, she would have to come to some decision in the future. +Meanwhile the difficulties of the moment were enough. The most +obvious difficulty was his bedroom. Was it quite the sort of room he +wanted now? Hyacinth realised suddenly that to be hostess to such a +collection of animals as Udo was would require all the tact she +possessed. Perhaps he would tell her what he wanted when he woke up. +Better let him sleep peacefully now. +</P> + +<P> +She looked at him, smiled in spite of herself, and went quickly down +into the Palace. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<A NAME="chap13"></A> +<img src="images/0235X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Detail of Belvane with castle in the background]"> +</p> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XIII +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +"PINK" RHYMES WITH "THINK" +</H3> + +<P> +Udo awoke, slightly refreshed, and decided to take a firm line with +the Countess at once. He had no difficulty about finding his way down +to her. The Palace seemed to be full of servants, all apparently busy +about something which brought them for a moment in sight of the newly +arrived Prince, and then whisked them off, hand to mouth and shoulders +shaking. By one of these, with more control over her countenance than +the others, an annoyed Udo was led into Belvane's garden. +</P> + +<P> +She was walking up and down the flagged walk between her lavender +hedges, and as he came in she stopped and rested her elbows on her +sundial, and looked mockingly at him, waiting for him to speak. +"Between the showers I mark the hours," said the sundial (on the +suggestion of Belvane one wet afternoon), but for the moment the +Countess was in the way. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, here we are," said Udo in rather a nasty voice. +</P> + +<P> +"Here we are," said Belvane sweetly. "All of us." +</P> + +<P> +Suddenly she began to laugh. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Prince Udo," she said, "you'll be the death of me. Count me as +one more of your victims." +</P> + +<P> +It is easy to be angry with any one who will laugh at you all the +time, but difficult to be effective; particularly when—but we need +not dwell upon Udo's handicap again. +</P> + +<P> +"I don't see anything to laugh at," he said stiffly. "To intelligent +people the outside appearance is not everything." +</P> + +<P> +"But it can be very funny, can't it?" said Belvane coaxingly. "I +wished for something humorous to happen to you, but I never +thought——" +</P> + +<P> +"Ah," said Udo, "now we've got it." +</P> + +<P> +He spoke with an air of a clever cross-examiner who has skilfully +extracted an admission from a reluctant witness. This sort of tone +goes best with one of those keen legal faces; perhaps that is why +Belvane laughed again. +</P> + +<P> +"You practically confess that you did it," went on Udo magnificently. +</P> + +<P> +"Did what?" +</P> + +<P> +"Turned me into a—a——" +</P> + +<P> +"A rabbit?" said Belvane innocently. +</P> + +<P> +A foolish observation like this always pained Udo. +</P> + +<P> +"What makes you think I'm a rabbit?" he asked. +</P> + +<P> +"I don't mind what you are, but you'll never dare show yourself in the +country like this." +</P> + +<P> +"Be careful, woman; don't drive me too far. Beware lest you rouse the +lion in me." +</P> + +<P> +"Where?" asked Belvane, with a child-like air. +</P> + +<P> +With a gesture full of dignity and good breeding Udo called attention +to his tail. +</P> + +<P> +"That," said the Countess, "is not the part of the lion that I'm +afraid of." +</P> + +<P> +For the moment Udo was nonplussed, but he soon recovered himself. +</P> + +<P> +"Even supposing—just for the sake of argument—that I am a rabbit, I +still have something up my sleeve; I'll come and eat your young +carnations." +</P> + +<P> +Belvane adored her garden, but she was sustained by the thought that +it was only July just now. She pointed this out to him. +</P> + +<P> +"It needn't necessarily be carnations," he warned her. +</P> + +<P> +"I don't want to put my opinion against one who has (forgive me) +inside knowledge on the subject, but I think I have nothing in my +garden at this moment that would agree with a rabbit." +</P> + +<P> +"I don't mind if it <i>doesn't</i> agree with me," said Udo heroically. +</P> + +<P> +This was more serious. Her dear garden in which she composed, ruined +by the mastications—machinations—what was the word?—of an enemy! +The thought was unbearable. +</P> + +<P> +"You aren't a rabbit," she said hastily; "you aren't really a rabbit. +Because—because you don't <i>woffle</i> your nose properly." +</P> + +<P> +"I could," said Udo simply. "I'm just keeping it back, that's all." +</P> + +<P> +"Show me how," cried Belvane, clasping her hands eagerly together. +</P> + +<P> +It was not what he had come into the garden for, and it accorded ill +with the dignity of the Royal House of Araby, but somehow one got led +on by this wicked woman. +</P> + +<P> +"Like this," said Udo. +</P> + +<P> +The Countess looked at him critically with her head on one side. +</P> + +<P> +"No," she said, "that's quite wrong." +</P> + +<P> +"Naturally I'm a little out of practice." +</P> + +<P> +"I'm sorry," said Belvane. "I'm afraid I can't pass you." +</P> + +<P> +Udo couldn't think what had happened to the conversation. With a +great effort he extracted himself from it. +</P> + +<P> +"Enough of this, Countess," he said sternly. "I have your admission +that it was you who put this enchantment on me." +</P> + +<P> +"It was I. I wasn't going to have you here interfering with my +plans." +</P> + +<P> +"Your plans to rob the Princess." +</P> + +<P> +Belvane felt that it was useless to explain the principles of +largesse-throwing to Udo. There will always be men like Udo and Roger +Scurvilegs who take these narrow matter-of-fact views. One merely +wastes time in arguing with them. +</P> + +<P> +"My plans," she repeated. +</P> + +<P> +"Very well. I shall go straight to the Princess, and she will unmask +you before the people." +</P> + +<P> +Belvane smiled happily. One does not often get such a chance. +</P> + +<P> +"And who," she asked sweetly, "will unmask your Royal Highness before +the people, so that they may see the true Prince Udo underneath?" +</P> + +<P> +"What do you mean?" said Udo, though he was beginning to guess. +</P> + +<P> +"That noble handsome countenance which is so justly the pride of +Araby—how shall we show that to the people? They'll form such a +mistaken idea of it if they all see you like this, won't they?" +</P> + +<P> +Udo was quite sure now that he understood. Hyacinth had understood at +the very beginning. +</P> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0242"></a> +<img src="images/0242.jpg" alt="[Illustration: He forgot his manners, and made a jump towards her]"> +<a name="img0243"></a> +<img src="images/0243.jpg" alt="[Illustration: She glided gracefully behind the sundial in a pretty affectation of alarm]"> +</P> + +<P> +"You mean that if the Princess Hyacinth falls in with your plans, you +will restore me to my proper form, but that otherwise you will leave +me like this?" +</P> + +<P> +"One's actions are very much misunderstood," sighed Belvane. "I've no +doubt that that is how it will appear to future historians." +</P> + +<P> +(To Roger, certainly.) +</P> + +<P> +It was too much for Udo. He forgot his manners and made a jump +towards her. She glided gracefully behind the sundial in a pretty +affectation of alarm . . . and the next moment Udo decided that the +contest between them was not to be settled by such rough-and-tumble +methods as these. The fact that his tail had caught in something +helped him to decide. +</P> + +<P> +Belvane was up to him in an instant. +</P> + +<P> +"There, there!" she said soothingly, "Let <i>me</i> undo it for your Royal +Highness." She talked pleasantly as she worked at it. "Every little +accident teaches us something. Now if you'd been a rabbit this +wouldn't have happened." +</P> + +<P> +"No, I'm not even a rabbit," said Udo sadly. "I'm just nothing." +</P> + +<P> +Belvane stood up and made him a deep curtsey. +</P> + +<P> +"You are his Royal Highness Prince Udo of Araby. Your Royal +Highness's straw is prepared. When will your Royal Highness be +pleased to retire?" +</P> + +<P> +It was a little unkind, I think. I should not record it of her were +not Roger so insistent. +</P> + +<P> +"Now," said Udo, and lolloped sadly off. It was his one really +dignified moment in Euralia. +</P> + +<P> +On his way to his apartment he met Wiggs. +</P> + +<P> +"Wiggs," he said solemnly, "if ever you can do anything to annoy that +woman, such as making her an apple-pie bed, or <i>anything</i> like that, I +wish you'd do it." +</P> + +<P> +Whereupon he retired for the night. Into the mysteries of his toilet +we had perhaps better not inquire. +</P> + +<P> + * * * * *<BR> +</P> + +<P> +As the chronicler of these simple happenings many years ago, it is my +duty to be impartial. "These are the facts," I should say, "and it is +for your nobilities to judge of them. Thus and thus my characters +have acted; how say you, my lords and ladies?" +</P> + +<P> +I confess that this attitude is beyond me; I have a fondness for all +my people, and I would not have you misunderstand any of them. But +with regard to one of them there is no need for me to say anything in +her defence. About her at any rate we agree. +</P> + +<P> +I mean Wiggs. We take the same view as Hyacinth: she was the best +little girl in Euralia. It will come then as a shock to you (as it +did to me on the morning after I had staggered home with Roger's +seventeen volumes) to learn that on her day Wiggs could be as bad as +anybody. I mean really bad. To tear your frock, to read books which +you ought to be dusting, these are accidents which may happen to +anybody. Far otherwise was Wiggs's fall. +</P> + +<P> +She adopted, in fact, the infamous suggestion of Prince Udo. Three +nights later, with malice aforethought and to the comfort of the +King's enemies and the prejudice of the safety of the realm, she made +an apple-pie bed for the Countess. +</P> + +<P> +It was the most perfect apple-pie bed ever made. Cox himself could +not have improved upon it; Newton has seen nothing like it. It took +Wiggs a whole morning; and the results, though private (that is the +worst of an apple-pie bed), were beyond expectation. After wrestling +for half an hour the Countess spent the night in a garden hammock, +composing a bitter Ode to Melancholy. +</P> + +<P> +Of course Wiggs caught it in the morning; the Countess suspected what +she could not prove. Wiggs, now in for a thoroughly bad week, +realised that it was her turn again. What should she do? +</P> + +<P> +An inspiration came to her. She had been really bad the day before; +it was a pity to waste such perfect badness as that. Why not have the +one bad wish to which the ring entitled her? +</P> + +<P> +She drew the ring out from its hiding-place round her neck. +</P> + +<P> +"I wish," she said, holding it up, "I wish that the Countess +Belvane——" she stopped to think of something that would really annoy +her—"I wish that the Countess shall never be able to write another +rhyme again." +</P> + +<P> +She held her breath, expecting a thunderclap or some other outward +token of the sudden death of Belvane's muse. Instead she was struck by +the extraordinary silence of the place. She had a horrid feeling that +everybody else was dead, and realising all at once that she was a very +wicked little girl, she ran up to her room and gave herself up to +tears. +</P> + +<P> +MAY YOU, DEAR SIR OR MADAM, REPENT AS QUICKLY! +</P> + +<P> +However, this is not a moral work. An hour later Wiggs came into +Belvane's garden, eager to discover in what way her inability to rhyme +would manifest itself. It seemed that she had chosen the exact +moment. +</P> + +<P> +In the throes of composition Belvane had quite forgotten the apple-pie +bed, so absorbing is our profession. She welcomed Wiggs eagerly, and +taking her hand led her towards the roses. +</P> + +<P> +"I have just been talking to my dear roses," she said. "Listen: +</P> + +<P class="poem"> + <i>Whene'er I take my walks about,</i> <BR> + <i>I like to see the roses out;</i><BR> + <i>I like them yellow, white, and pink,</i> <BR> + <i>But crimson are the best, I think.</i> <BR> + <i>The butterfly——</i>"<BR> +</P> + +<P> +But we shall never know about the butterfly. It may be that Wiggs has +lost us here a thought on lepidoptera which the world can ill spare; +for she interrupted breathlessly. +</P> + +<P> +"When did you write that?" +</P> + +<P> +"I was just making it up when you came in, dear child. These thoughts +often come to me as I walk up and down my beautiful garden. '<i>The +butterfly——</i>'" +</P> + +<P> +But Wiggs had let go her hand and was running back to the Palace. She +wanted to be alone to think this out. +</P> + +<P> +What had happened? That it was truly a magic ring, as the fairy had +told her, she had no doubt; that her wish was a bad one, that she had +been bad enough to earn it, she was equally certain. What then had +happened? There was only one answer to her question. The bad wish +had been granted to someone else. +</P> + +<P> +To whom? She had lent the ring to nobody. True, she had told the +Princess all about it, but—— +</P> + +<P> +Suddenly she remembered. The Countess had had it in her hands for a +moment. Yes, and she had sent her out of the room, and— +</P> + +<P> +So many thoughts crowded into Wiggs's mind at this moment that she +felt she must share them with somebody. She ran off to find the +Princess. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<img src="images/0253X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Detail of Wiggs curtsying]"> +<A NAME="chap14"></A> +</p> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XIV +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +"WHY CAN'T YOU BE LIKE WIGGS?" +</H3> + +<P> +Hyacinth was with Udo in the library. Udo spent much of his time in +the library nowadays; for surely in one of those many books was to be +found some Advice to a Gentleman in Temporary Difficulties suitable to +a case like his. Hyacinth kept him company sadly. It had been such a +brilliant idea inviting him to Euralia; how she wished now that she +had never done it. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, Wiggs," she said, with a gentle smile, "what have you been +doing with yourself all the morning?" +</P> + +<P> +Udo looked up from his mat and nodded to her. +</P> + +<P> +"I've found out," said Wiggs excitedly; "it was the <i>Countess</i> who did +it." +</P> + +<P> +Udo surveyed her with amazement. +</P> + +<P> +"The Princess Hyacinth," he said, "has golden hair. One discovers +these things gradually." And he returned to his book. +</P> + +<P> +Wiggs looked bewildered. +</P> + +<P> +"He means, dear," said Hyacinth, "that it is quite obvious that the +Countess did it, and we have known about it for days." +</P> + +<P> +Udo wore, as far as his face would permit, the slightly puffy +expression of one who has just said something profoundly ironical and +is feeling self-conscious about it. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh—h," said Wiggs in such a disappointed voice that it seemed as if +she were going to cry. +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth, like the dear that she was, made haste to comfort her. +</P> + +<P> +"We didn't really <i>know</i>," she said; "we only guessed it. But now +that you have found out, I shall be able to punish her properly. No, +don't come with me," she said, as she rose and moved towards the door; +"stay here and help his Royal Highness. Perhaps you can find the book +that he wants; you've read more of them than I have, I expect." +</P> + +<P> +Left alone with the Prince, Wiggs was silent for a little, looking at +him rather anxiously. +</P> + +<P> +"Do you know <i>all</i> about the Countess?" she asked at last. +</P> + +<P> +"If there's anything I don't know, it must be <i>very</i> bad." +</P> + +<P> +"Then you know that it's all my fault that you are like this? Oh, +dear Prince Udo, I am so dreadfully sorry." +</P> + +<P> +"What do you mean—<i>your</i> fault?" +</P> + +<P> +"Because it was my ring that did it." +</P> + +<P> +Udo scratched his head in a slightly puzzled but quite a nice way. +</P> + +<P> +"Tell me all about it from the beginning," he said. "You have found +out something after all, I believe." +</P> + +<P> +So Wiggs told her story from the beginning. How the fairy had given +her a ring; how the Countess had taken it from her for five minutes +and had a bad wish on it; and how Wiggs had found her out that very +morning. +</P> + +<P> +Udo was intensely excited by the story. He trotted up and down the +library, muttering to himself. He stopped in front of Wiggs as soon +as she had finished. +</P> + +<P> +"Is the ring still going?" he asked. "I mean, can you have another +wish on it?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, just one." +</P> + +<P> +"Then wish her to be turned into a——" He tried to think of +something that would meet the case. "What about a spider?" he said +thoughtfully. +</P> + +<P> +"But that's a <i>bad</i> wish," said Wiggs. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, but it's <i>her</i> turn." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, but I'm only allowed a good wish now." She added rapturously, +"And I know what it's going to be." +</P> + +<P> +So did Udo. At least he thought he did. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, you dear," he said, casting an affectionate look on her. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, that's it. That I might be able to dance like a fairy." +</P> + +<P> +Udo could hardly believe his ears, and they were adequate enough for +most emergencies. +</P> + +<P> +"But how is that going to help <i>me?</i>" he said, tapping his chest with +his paw. +</P> + +<P> +"But it's <i>my</i> ring," said Wiggs. "And so of course I'm going to wish +that I can dance like a fairy. I've always meant to, as soon as I've +been good for a day first." +</P> + +<P> +The child was absurdly selfish. Udo saw that he would have to appeal +to her in another way. +</P> + +<P> +"Of course," he began, "I've nothing to say against dancing <i>as</i> +dancing, but I think you'll get tired of it. Just as I shall get +tired of—lettuce." +</P> + +<P> +Wiggs understood now. +</P> + +<P> +"You mean that I might wish you to be a Prince again?" +</P> + +<P> +"Well," said Udo casually, "it just occurred to me as an example of +what might be called the Good Wish." +</P> + +<P> +"Then I shall never be able to dance like a fairy?" +</P> + +<P> +"Neither shall I, if it comes to that," said Udo. Really, the child +was very stupid. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, it's too cruel," said Wiggs, stamping her foot. "I did so want +to be able to dance." +</P> + +<P> +Udo glanced gloomily into the future. +</P> + +<P> +"To live for ever behind wire netting," he mused; "to be eternally +frightened by pink-eyed ferrets; to be offered +bran-mash—bran-mash—bran-mash wherever one visited week after week, +month after month, year after year, century after—how long <i>do</i> +rabbits live?" +</P> + +<P> +But Wiggs was not to be moved. +</P> + +<P> +"I <i>won't</i> give up my wish," she said passionately. +</P> + +<P> +Udo got on to his four legs with dignity. +</P> + +<P> +"Keep your wish," he said. "There are plenty of other ways of getting +out of enchantments. I'll learn up a piece of poetry by our Court +Poet Sacharino, and recite it backwards when the moon is new. +Something like that. I can do this quite easily by myself. Keep your +wish." +</P> + +<P> +He went slowly out. His tail (looking more like a bell-rope than +ever) followed him solemnly. The fluffy part that you pull was for a +moment left behind; then with a jerk it was gone, and Wiggs was left +alone. +</P> + +<P> +"I won't give up my wish," cried Wiggs again. "I'll wish it now +before I'm sorry." She held the ring up. "I wish that——" She +stopped suddenly. "Poor Prince Udo he seems very unhappy. I wonder +if it <i>is</i> a good wish to wish to dance when people are unhappy." She +thought this out for a little, and then made her great resolve. +"Yes," she said, "I'll wish him well again." +</P> + +<P> +Once more she held the ring up in her two hands. +</P> + +<P> +"I wish," she said, "that Prince Udo——" +</P> + +<P> +I know what you're going to say. It was no good her wishing her good +wish, because she had been a bad girl the day before—making the +Countess an apple-pie bed and all—disgraceful! How could she +possibly suppose—— +</P> + +<P> +She didn't. She remembered just in time. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, bother," said Wiggs, standing in the middle of the room with the +ring held above her head. "I've got to be good for a day first. +<i>Bother!</i>" +</P> + +<P> + * * * * *<BR> +</P> + +<P> +So the next day was Wiggs's Good Day. The legend of it was handed +down for years afterwards in Euralia. It got into all the +Calendars—July 20th it was—marked with a red star; in Roger's +portentous volumes it had a chapter devoted to it. There was some +talk about it being made into a public holiday, he tells us, but this +fell through. Euralian mothers used to scold their naughty children +with the words, "Why can't you be like Wiggs?" and the children used +to tell each other that there never was a real Wiggs, and that it was +only a made-up story for parents. However, you have my word for it +that it was true. +</P> + +<P> +She began by getting up at five o'clock in the morning, and after +dressing herself very neatly (and being particularly careful to wring +out her sponge) she made her own bed and tidied up the room. For a +moment she thought of waking the grown-ups in the Palace and letting +them enjoy the beautiful morning too, but a little reflection showed +her that this would not be at all a kindly act; so, having dusted the +Throne Room and performed a few simple physical exercises, she went +outside and attended to the smaller domestic animals. +</P> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0262"></a><img src="images/0262.jpg" alt="[Illustration: When anybody of superior station or age came into the +room she rose and curtsied, verso]"> +<img src="images/0263.jpg" alt="[Illustration: When anybody of superior station or age came into the +room she rose and curtsied, recto]"> +</P> + +<P> +At breakfast she had three helps of something very nutritious, which +the Countess said would make her grow, but only one help of everything +else. She sat up nicely all the time, and never pointed to anything +or drank with her mouth full. After breakfast she scattered some +crumbs on the lawn for the robins, and then got to work again. +</P> + +<P> +First she dusted and dusted and dusted; then she swept and swept and +swept; then she sewed and sewed and sewed. When anybody of superior +station or age came into the room she rose and curtsied and stood with +her hands behind her back, while she was being spoken to. When +anybody said, "I wonder where I put my so-and-so," she jumped up and +said, "Let <i>me</i> fetch it," even if it was upstairs. +</P> + +<P> +After dinner she made up a basket of provisions and took them to the +old women who lived near the castle; to some of them she sang or read +aloud, and when at one cottage she was asked, "Now won't you give me a +little dance," she smiled bravely and said, "I'm afraid I don't dance +very well." I think that was rather sweet of her; if I had been the +fairy I should have let her off the rest of the day. +</P> + +<P> +When she got back to the Palace she drank two glasses of warm milk, +with the skin on, and then went and weeded the Countess's lawn; and +once when she trod by accident on a bed of flowers, she left the +footprint there instead of scraping it over hastily, and pretending +that she hadn't been near the place, as you would have done. +</P> + +<P> +And at half-past six she kissed everybody good-night (including Udo) +and went to bed. +</P> + +<P> +So ended July the Twentieth, perhaps the most memorable day in +Euralian history. +</P> + +<P> + * * * * *<BR> +</P> + +<P> +Udo and Hyacinth spent the great day peacefully in the library. A +gentleman for all his fur, Udo had not told the Princess about Wiggs's +refusal to help him. Besides, a man has his dignity. To be turned +into a mixture of three animals by a woman of thirty, and to be turned +back again by a girl of ten, is to be too much the plaything of the +sex. It was time he did something for himself. +</P> + +<P> +"Now then, how did that bit of Sacharino's go? Let me see." He beat +time with a paw. "'Blood for something, something, some——' +Something like that. 'Blood for—er—blood for—er——' No, it's +gone again. I know there was a bit of blood in it." +</P> + +<P> +"I'm sure you'll get it soon," said Hyacinth. "It sounds as thought +it's going to be just the sort of thing that's wanted." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I shall get it all right. Some of the words have escaped me for +the moment, that's all. 'Blood—er—blood.' You must have heard of +it, Princess: it's about blood for he who something; you must know the +one I mean. +</P> + +<P> +"I know I've heard of it," said the Princess, wrinkling her forehead, +"only I can't quite think of it for the moment. It's about a—a——" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, that's it," said Udo. +</P> + +<P> +Then they both looked up at the ceiling with their heads on one side +and murmured to themselves. +</P> + +<P> +But noon came and still they hadn't thought of it. +</P> + +<P> +After a simple meal they returned to the library. +</P> + +<P> +"I think I'd better write to Coronel," said Udo, "and ask him about +it." +</P> + +<P> +"I thought you said his name was Sacharino." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, this is not the poet, it's just a friend of mine, but he's rather +good at this sort of thing. The trouble is that it takes such a long +time for a letter to get there and back." +</P> + +<P> +At the word "letter," Hyacinth started suddenly. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Prince Udo," she cried, "I can never forgive myself. I've just +remembered the very thing. Father told me in his letter that a little +couplet he once wrote was being very useful for—er—removing things." +</P> + +<P> +"What sort of things?" said Udo, not too hopefully. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, enchantments and things." +</P> + +<P> +Udo was a little annoyed at the "and things"—as those turning him +back into a Prince again was as much in the day's work as removing +rust from a helmet. +</P> + +<P> +"It goes like this," said Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P class="poem"> + "<i>Bo, boll, bill, bole.</i> <BR> + <i>Wo, woll, will, wole.</i>"<BR> +</P> + +<P> +"It sounds as though it would remove <i>anything</i>," she added, with a +smile. +</P> + +<P> +Udo sat up rather eagerly. +</P> + +<P> +"I'll try," he said. "Is there any particular action that goes with +it?" +</P> + +<P> +"I've never heard of any. I expect you ought to say it as if you +meant it." +</P> + +<P> +Udo sat up on his back paws, and, gesticulating freely with his right +paw, declaimed: +</P> + +<P class="poem"> + "<i>Bo, boll, bill, bole.</i> <BR> + <i>Wo, woll, will, wole.</i>"<BR> +</P> + +<P> +He fixed his eyes on his paws, waiting for the transformation. +</P> + +<P> +He waited. +</P> + +<P> +And waited. +</P> + +<P> +Nothing happened. +</P> + +<P> +"It must be all right," said Hyacinth anxiously, "because I'm sure +Father would know. Try saying it more like this." +</P> + +<P> +She repeated the lines in a voice so melting, yet withal so dignified, +that the very chairs might have been expected to get up and walk out. +</P> + +<P> +Udo imitated her as well as he could. +</P> + +<P> +At about the time when Wiggs was just falling asleep, he repeated it +in his fiftieth different voice. +</P> + +<P> +"I'm sorry," said Hyacinth; "perhaps it isn't so good as Father +thought it was." +</P> + +<P> +"There's just one chance," said Udo. "It's possible it may have to be +said on an empty stomach. I'll try it to-morrow before breakfast." +</P> + +<P> +Upstairs Wiggs was dreaming of the dancing that she had given up for +ever. +</P> + +<P> +And what Belvane was doing I really don't know. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<A NAME="chap15"></A> +<img src="images/0271X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Detail of Wiggs dancing]"> +</p> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XV +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THERE IS A LOVER WAITING FOR HYACINTH +</H3> + +<P> +So the next morning before breakfast Wiggs went up on to the castle +walls and wished. She looked over the meadows, and across the +peaceful stream that wandered through them, to the forest where she +had met her fairy, and she gave a little sigh. "Good-bye, dancing," +she said; and then she held the ring up and went on bravely, "Please I +was a very good girl all yesterday, and I wish that Prince Udo may be +well again." +</P> + +<P> +For a full minute there was silence. Then from the direction of Udo's +room below there came these remarkable words: +</P> + +<P> +"<i>Take the beastly stuff away, and bring me a beefsteak and a flagon +of sack!</i>" +</P> + +<P> +Between smiles and tears Wiggs murmured, "He <i>sounds</i> all right. I +<i>am</i> g—glad." +</P> + +<P> +And then she could bear it no longer. She hurried down and out of the +Palace—away, away from Udo and the Princess and the Countess and all +their talk, to the cool friendly forest, there to be alone and to +think over all that she had lost. +</P> + +<P> +It was very quiet in the forest. At the foot of her own favourite +tree, a veteran of many hundred summers who stood sentinel over an +open glade that dipped to a gurgling brook and climbed gently away +from it, she sat down. On the soft green yonder she might have +danced, an enchanted place, and now—never, never, never. . . . +</P> + +<P> +How long had she sat there? It must have been a long time—because +the forest had been so quiet, and now it was so full of sound. The +trees were murmuring something to her, and the birds were singing it, +and the brook was trying to tell it too, but it would keep chuckling +over the very idea so that you could hardly hear what it was saying, +and there were rustlings in the grass—"Get up, get up," everything +was calling to her; "dance, dance." +</P> + +<P> +She got up, a little frightened. Everything seemed so strangely +beautiful. She had never felt it like this before. Yes, she would +dance. She must say, "Thank you," for all this somehow; perhaps they +would excuse her if it was not very well expressed. +</P> + +<P> +"This will just be for 'Thank you'" she said as she got up. "I shall +never dance again." +</P> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0274"></a> +<img src="images/0274.jpg" alt="[Illustration: And then she danced, verso]"> +<img src="images/0275.jpg" alt="[Illustration: And then she danced, recto]"> +</P> + +<P> +And then she danced. . . . +</P> + +<P> +<i>Where are you, Hyacinth? There is a lover waiting for you somewhere, +my dear.</i> +</P> + +<P> +It is the first of Spring. The blackbird opens his yellow beak, and +whistles cool and clear. There is blue magic in the morning; the sky, +deep-blue above, melts into white where it meets the hills. The wind +waits for you up yonder—will you go to meet it? Ah, stay here! The +hedges have put on their green coats for you; misty green are the tall +elms from which the rooks are chattering. Along the clean white road, +between the primrose banks, he comes. Will you be round this +corner?——or the next? He is looking for you, Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +(She rested, breathless, and then danced again.) +</P> + +<P> +It is summer afternoon. All the village is at rest save one. +"Cuck-oo!" comes from the deep dark trees; "Cuck-oo!" he calls again, +and flies away to send back the answer. The fields, all green and +gold, sleep undisturbed by the full river which creeps along them. +The air is heavy with the scent of may. Where are you, Hyacinth? Is +not this the trysting-place? I have waited for you so long! . . . +</P> + +<P> +She stopped, and the watcher in the bushes moved silently away, his +mind aflame with fancies. +</P> + +<P> +Wiggs went back to the Palace to tell everybody that she could dance. +</P> + +<P> + * * * * *<BR> +</P> + +<P> +"Shall we tell her how it happened?" said Udo jauntily. "I just +recited a couple of lines—poetry, you know—backwards, and—well, +here I am!" +</P> + +<P> +"O——oh!" said Wiggs. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<A NAME="chap16"></A> +<img src="images/0279X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Detail of Belvane in an elaborate gown]"> +</p> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XVI +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +BELVANE ENJOYS HERSELF +</H3> + +<P> +The entrance of an attendant into his room that morning to bring him +his early bran-mash had awakened Udo. As soon as she was gone he +jumped up, shook the straw from himself, and said in a very passion of +longing, +</P> + +<P class="poem"> + <i>Bo, boll, bill, bole.</i> <BR> + <i>Wo, woll, will, wole.</i> <BR> +</P> + +<P> +He felt it was his last chance. Exhausted by his effort, he fell back +on the straw and dropped asleep again. It was nearly an hour later +that he became properly awake. +</P> + +<P> +Into his feelings I shall not enter at any length; I leave that to +Roger Scurvilegs. Between ourselves Roger is a bit of a snob. The +degradation to a Prince of Araby to be turned into an animal so +ludicrous, the delight of a Prince of Araby at regaining his own form, +it is this that he chiefly dwells upon. Really, I think you or I +would have been equally delighted. I am sure we can guess how Udo +felt about it. +</P> + +<P> +He strutted about the room, he gazed at himself in every glass, he +held out his hand to an imaginary Hyacinth with "Ah, dear Princess, +and how are we this morning?" Never had he felt so handsome and so +sure of himself. It was in the middle of one of his pirouettings, +that he caught sight of the unfortunate bran-mash, and uttered the +remarkable words which I have already recorded. +</P> + +<P> +The actual meeting with Hyacinth was even better than he had expected. +Hardly able to believe that it was true, she seized his hands +impulsively and cried: +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Prince Udo! oh, my dear, I <i>am</i> so glad!" +</P> + +<P> +Udo twirled his moustache and felt a very gay dog indeed. +</P> + +<P> +At breakfast (where Udo did himself extremely well) they discussed +plans. The first thing was to summon the Countess into their +presence. An attendant was sent to fetch her. +</P> + +<P> +"If you would like me to conduct the interview," said Udo, "I've no +doubt that——" +</P> + +<P> +"I think I shall be all right now that you are with me. I shan't feel +so afraid of her now." +</P> + +<P> +The attendant came in again. +</P> + +<P> +"Her ladyship is not yet down, your Royal Highness." +</P> + +<P> +"Tell her that I wish to see her directly she <i>is</i> down," said the +Princess. +</P> + +<P> +The attendant withdrew. +</P> + +<P> +"You were telling me about this army of hers," said Udo. "One of my +ideas—I had a good many while I was—er—in retirement—was that she +could establish the army properly at her own expense, and that she +herself should be perpetual orderly-sergeant." +</P> + +<P> +"Isn't that a nice thing to be?" asked Hyacinth innocently. +</P> + +<P> +"It's a <i>horrible</i> thing to be. Another of my ideas was that——" +</P> + +<P> +The attendant came in again. +</P> + +<P> +"Her ladyship is a little indisposed, and is staying in bed for the +present." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh! Did her ladyship say when she thought of getting up?" +</P> + +<P> +"Her ladyship didn't seem to think of getting up at all to-day. Her +ladyship told me to say that she didn't seem to know <i>when</i> she'd get +up again." +</P> + +<P> +The attendant withdrew, and Hyacinth and Udo, standing together in a +corner, discussed the matter anxiously. +</P> + +<P> +"I don't quite see what we can <i>do</i>," said Hyacinth. "We can't <i>pull</i> +her out of bed. Besides, she may really be ill. Supposing she stays +there for ever!" +</P> + +<P> +"Of course," said Udo. "It would be rather——" +</P> + +<P> +"You see if we——" +</P> + +<P> +"We might possibly——" +</P> + +<P> +"<i>Good</i> morning, all!" said Belvane, sweeping into the room. She +dropped a profound curtsey to the Princess. "Your Royal Highness! +And dear Prince Udo, looking his own charming self again!" +</P> + +<P> +She had made a superb toilet. In her flowing gold brocade, cut square +in front to reveal the whitest of necks, with her black hair falling +in two braids to her knees and twined with pearls which were caught up +in loops at her waist, she looked indeed a Queen; while Hyacinth and +Udo, taken utterly by surprise, seemed to be two conspirators whom she +had caught in the act of plotting against her. +</P> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0284"></a> +<img src="images/0284.jpg" +alt="[Illustration: "Good morning," said Belvane, verso]"> +<img src="images/0285.jpg" +alt="[Illustration: "Good morning," said Belvane, recto]"> +</P> + +<P> +"I—I thought you weren't well, Countess," said Hyacinth, trying to +recover herself. +</P> + +<P> +"I not well?" cried Belvane, clasping her hands to her breast. "I +thought it was his Royal Highness who—— Ah, but he's looking a true +Prince now." +</P> + +<P> +She turned her eyes upon him, and there was in that look so much of +admiration, humour, appeal, impudence—I don't know what (and Roger +cannot tell us, either)—that Udo forgot entirely what he was going to +say and could only gaze at her in wonder. +</P> + +<P> +Her mere entry dazzled him. There is no knowing with a woman like +Belvane; and I believe she had purposely kept herself plain during +these last few days so that she might have the weapon of her beauty to +fall back upon in case anything went wrong. Things had indeed gone +wrong; Udo had become a man again; and it was against the man that +this last weapon was directed. +</P> + +<P> +Udo himself was only too ready. The fact that he was once more +attractive to women meant as much as anything to him. To have been +attractive to Hyacinth would have contented most of us, but Udo felt a +little uncomfortable with her. He could not forget the last few days, +nor the fact that he had once been an object of pity to her. Now +Belvane had not pitied him. +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth had got control of herself by this time. +</P> + +<P> +"Enough of this, Countess," she said with dignity. "We have not +forgotten the treason which you were plotting against the State; we +have not forgotten your base attack upon our guest, Prince Udo. I +order you now to remain within the confines of the Palace until we +shall have decided what to do with you. You may leave us." +</P> + +<P> +Belvane dropped her eyes meekly. +</P> + +<P> +"I am at your Royal Highness's commands. I shall be in my garden when +your Royal Highness wants me." +</P> + +<P> +She raised her eyes, gave one fleeting glance to Prince Udo, and +withdrew. +</P> + +<P> +"A hateful woman," said Hyacinth. "What shall we do with her?" +</P> + +<P> +"I think," said Udo, "that I had better speak to her seriously first. +I have no doubt that I can drag from her the truth of her conspiracy +against you. There may be others in it, in which case we shall have +to proceed with caution; on the other hand, it may be just misplaced +zeal on her part, in which case——" +</P> + +<P> +"Was it misplaced zeal which made her turn you into a——?" +</P> + +<P> +Udo held up his hand hastily. +</P> + +<P> +"I have not forgotten that," he said. "Be sure that I shall exact +full reparation. Let me see; <i>which</i> is the way to her garden?" +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth did not know quite what to make of her guest. At the moment +when she first saw him in his proper form the improvement on his late +appearance had been so marked that he had seemed almost the handsome +young Prince of her dreams. Every minute after that had detracted +from him. His face was too heavy, his manner was too pompous; one of +these days he would be too fat. +</P> + +<P> +Moreover he was just a little too sure of his position in her house. +She had wanted his help, but she did not want so much of it as she +seemed to be likely to get. +</P> + +<P> +Udo, feeling that it was going to be rather a nice day, went into +Belvane's garden. He had been there once before; it seemed to him a +very much prettier garden this morning, and the woman who was again +awaiting him much more desirable. +</P> + +<P> +Belvane made room for him on the seat next to her. +</P> + +<P> +"This is where I sit when I write my poetry," she said. "I don't know +if your Royal Highness is fond of poetry?" +</P> + +<P> +"Extremely," said Udo. "I have never actually written any or indeed +read much, but I have a great admiration for those who—er—admire it. +But it was not to talk about poetry that I came out here, Countess." +</P> + +<P> +"No?" said Belvane. "But your Royal Highness must have read the works +of Sacharino, the famous bard of Araby?" +</P> + +<P> +"Sacharino, of course. 'Blood for something, something——He who +something——' I mean, it's a delightful little thing. Everybody +knows it. But it was to talk about something very different that +I——" +</P> + +<P class="poem"> + "<i>Blood for blood and shoon for shoon,</i> <BR> + <i>He who runs may read my rune,</i>"<BR> +</P> + +<P> +quoted Belvane softly. "It is perhaps Sacharino's most perfect gem." +</P> + +<P> +"That's it," cried Udo excitedly. "I knew I knew it, if only I +could——" He broke off suddenly, remembering the circumstances in +which he had wanted it. He coughed importantly and explained for the +third time that he had not come to talk to her about poetry. +</P> + +<P> +"But of course I think his most noble poem of all," went on Belvane, +apparently misunderstanding him, "is the ode to your Royal Highness +upon your coming-of-age. Let me see, how does it begin? +</P> + +<P class="poem"> + "<i>Prince Udo, so dashing and bold,</i> <BR> + <i>Is apparently eighteen years old.</i> <BR> + <i>It is eighteen years since</i><BR> + <i>This wonderful Prince</i><BR> + <i>Was born in the Palace, I'm told.</i>"<BR> +</P> + +<P> +"These Court Poets," said Udo, with an air of unconcern, "flatter one, +of course." +</P> + +<P> +If he expected a compliment he was disappointed. +</P> + +<P> +"There I cannot judge," said Belvane, "until I know your Royal +Highness better." She looked at him out of the corner of her eyes. +"Is your Royal Highness very—dashing?" +</P> + +<P> +"I—er—well—er—one—that is to say." He waded on uncomfortably, +feeling less dashing every moment. He should have realised at once +that it was an impossible question to answer. +</P> + +<P> +"Your Royal Highness," said Belvane modestly, "must not be too dashing +with us poor Euralians." +</P> + +<P> +For the fourth time Udo explained that he had come there to speak to +her severely, and that Belvane seemed to have mistaken his purpose. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, forgive me, Prince Udo," she begged. "I quite thought that you +had come out to commune soul to soul with a fellow-lover of the +beautiful." +</P> + +<P> +"N—no," said Udo; "not exactly." +</P> + +<P> +"Then what is it?" she cried, clasping her hands eagerly together. "I +know it will be something exciting." +</P> + +<P> +Udo stood up. He felt that he could be more severe a little farther +off. He moved a few yards away, and then turned round towards her, +resting his elbow on the sundial. +</P> + +<P> +"Countess," he began sternly, "ten days ago, as I was starting on my +journey hither, I was suddenly——" +</P> + +<P> +"Just a moment," said Belvane, whispering eagerly to herself rather +than to him, and she jumped up with a cushion from the seat where she +was sitting, and ran across and arranged it under his elbow. "He +would have been <i>so</i> uncomfortable," she murmured, and she hurried +back to her seat again and sat down and gazed at him, with her elbows +on her knees and her chin resting on her hands. "Now go on telling +me," she said breathlessly. +</P> + +<P> +Udo opened his mouth with the obvious intention of obeying her, but no +words came. He seemed to have lost the thread of his argument. He +felt a perfect fool, stuck up there with his elbow on a cushion, just +as if he were addressing a public meeting. He looked at his elbow as +if he expected to find a glass of water there ready, and Belvane +divined his look and made a movement as if she were about to get it +for him. It would be just like her. He flung the cushion from him +("Oh, mind my roses," cried Belvane) and came down angrily to her. +Belvane looked at him with wide, innocent eyes. +</P> + +<P> +"You—you—oh, <i>don't</i> look like that!" +</P> + +<P> +"Like that?" said Belvane, looking like it again. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't <i>do</i> it," shouted Udo, and he turned and kicked the cushion +down the flagged path. "Stop it." +</P> + +<P> +Belvane stopped it. +</P> + +<P> +"Do you know," she said, "I'm rather frightened of you when you're +angry with me." +</P> + +<P> +"I <i>am</i> angry. Very, very angry. Excessively annoyed." +</P> + +<P> +"I thought you were," she sighed. +</P> + +<P> +"And you know very well why." +</P> + +<P> +She nodded her head at him. +</P> + +<P> +"It's my dreadful temper," she said. "I do such thoughtless things +when I lose my temper." +</P> + +<P> +She sighed again and looked meekly at the ground. +</P> + +<P> +"Er, well, you shouldn't," said Udo weakly. +</P> + +<P> +"It was the slight to my sex that made me so angry. I couldn't bear +to think that we women couldn't rule ourselves for such a short time, +and that a man had to be called in to help us." She looked up at him +shyly. "Of course I didn't know then what the man was going to be +like. But now that I know——" +</P> + +<P> +Suddenly she held her arms out to him beseechingly. +</P> + +<P> +"Stay with us, Prince Udo, and help us! Men are so wise, so brave, +so—so generous. They know nothing of the little petty feelings of +revenge that women indulge." +</P> + +<P> +"Really, Countess, we—er—you—er—— Of course there is a good deal +in what you say, and I—er——" +</P> + +<P> +"Won't you sit down again, Prince Udo?" +</P> + +<P> +Udo sat down next to her. +</P> + +<P> +"And now," said Belvane, "let's talk it over comfortably as friends +should." +</P> + +<P> +"Of course," began Udo, "I quite see your point. You hadn't seen me; +you didn't know anything about me; to you I might have been just any +man." +</P> + +<P> +"I knew a little about you when you came here. Beneath +the—er—outward mask I saw how brave and dignified you were. But +even if I could have got you back into your proper form again, I think +I should have been afraid to; because I didn't know then how generous, +how forgiving you were." +</P> + +<P> +It seemed to be quite decided that Udo was forgiving her. When a very +beautiful woman thanks you humbly for something you have not yet given +her, there is only one thing for a gentleman to do. Udo patted her +hand reassuringly. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, thank you, your Royal Highness." She gave herself a little shake +and jumped up. "And now shall I show you my beautiful garden?" +</P> + +<P> +"A garden with you in it, dear Countess, is always beautiful," he said +gallantly. And it was not bad, I think, for a man who had been living +on watercress and bran-mash only the day before. +</P> + +<P> +They wandered round the garden together. Udo was now quite certain it +was going to be a nice day. +</P> + +<P> +It was an hour later when he came into the library. Hyacinth greeted +him eagerly. +</P> + +<P> +"Well?" she said. +</P> + +<P> +Udo nodded his head wisely. +</P> + +<P> +"I have spoken to her about her conduct to me," he said. "There will +be no more trouble in that direction, I fancy. She explained her +conduct to me very fully, and I have decided to overlook it this +time." +</P> + +<P> +"But her robberies, her plots, her conspiracy against <i>me!</i>" +</P> + +<P> +Udo looked blankly at her for a moment and then pulled himself +together. +</P> + +<P> +"I am speaking to her about that this afternoon," he said. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<A NAME="chap17"></A> +<img src="images/0299X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Detail of the King of Barodia]"> +</p> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XVII +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE KING OF BARODIA DROPS THE WHISKER HABIT +</H3> + +<P> +King Merriwig sat in his tent, his head held well back, his eyes +gazing upwards. His rubicund cheeks were for the moment a snowy +white. A hind of the name of Carlo had him firmly by the nose. Yet +King Merriwig neither struggled nor protested; he was, in fact, being +shaved. +</P> + +<P> +The Court Barber was in his usual conversational mood. He released +his Majesty's nose for a moment, and, as he turned to sharpen his +razor, remarked, +</P> + +<P> +"Terrible war, this." +</P> + +<P> +"Terrible," agreed the King. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't seem no end to it, like." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, well," said Merriwig, "we shall see." +</P> + +<P> +The barber got to work again. +</P> + +<P> +"Do you know what I should do to the King of Barodia if I had him +here?" +</P> + +<P> +Merriwig did not dare to speak, but he indicated with his right eye +that he was interested in the conversation. +</P> + +<P> +"I'd shave his whiskers off," said Carlo firmly. +</P> + +<P> +The King gave a sudden jerk, and for the moment there were signs of a +battle upon the snow; then the King leant back again, and in another +minute or so the operation was over. +</P> + +<P> +"It will soon be all right," said Carlo, mopping at his Majesty's +chin. "Your Majesty shouldn't have moved." +</P> + +<P> +"It was my own fault, Carlo; you gave me a sudden idea, that's all." +</P> + +<P> +"You're welcome, your Majesty." +</P> + +<P> +As soon as he was alone the King took out his tablets. On these he +was accustomed to record any great thoughts which occurred to him +during the day. He now wrote in them these noble words: +</P> + +<P> +"<i>Jewels of wisdom may fall from the meanest of hinds.</i>" +</P> + +<P> +He struck a gong to summon the Chancellor into his presence. +</P> + +<P> +"I have a great idea," he told the Chancellor. +</P> + +<P> +The Chancellor hid his surprise and expressed his pleasure. +</P> + +<P> +"To-night I propose to pay a secret visit to his Majesty the King of +Barodia. Which of the many tents yonder have my spies located as the +royal one?" +</P> + +<P> +"The big on in the centre, above which the Royal Arms fly." +</P> + +<P> +"I thought as much. Indeed I have often seen his Majesty entering it. +But one prefers to do these things according to custom. Acting on +the information given me by my trusty spies, I propose to enter the +King of Barodia's tent at the dead of night, and——" +</P> + +<P> +The Chancellor shuddered in anticipation. +</P> + +<P> +"And shave his whiskers off." +</P> + +<P> +The Chancellor trembled with delight. +</P> + +<P> +"Your Majesty," he said in a quavering voice, "forty years, man and +boy, have I served your Majesty, and your Majesty's late lamented +father, and never have I heard such a beautiful plan." +</P> + +<P> +Merriwig struggled with himself for a moment, but his natural honesty +was too much for him. +</P> + +<P> +"It was put into my head by a remark of my Court Barber's," he said +casually. "But of course the actual working out of it has been mine." +</P> + +<P> +"Jewels of wisdom," said the Chancellor sententiously, "may fall from +the meanest of hinds." +</P> + +<P> +"I suppose," said Merriwig, taking up his tablets and absently +scratching out the words written thereon, "there is nothing in the +rules against it?" +</P> + +<P> +"By no means, your Majesty. In the annuals of Euralia there are many +instances of humour similar to that which your Majesty suggests: +humour, if I may say so, which, while evidencing to the ignorant only +the lighter side of war, has its roots in the most fundamental +strategical considerations." +</P> + +<P> +Merriwig regarded him with admiration. This was indeed a Chancellor. +</P> + +<P> +"The very words," he answered, "which I said to myself when the idea +came to me. 'The fact,' I said, 'that this will help us to win the +war, must not disguise from us the fact that the King of Barodia will +look extremely funny without his whiskers.' To-night I shall sally +forth and put my plan into practice." +</P> + +<P> +At midnight, then, he started out. The Chancellor awaited his return +with some anxiety. This might well turn out to be the decisive stroke +(or strokes) of the war. For centuries past the ruling monarchs of +Barodia had been famous for their ginger whiskers. "As lost as the +King of Barodia without his whiskers" was indeed a proverb of those +times. A King without a pair, and at such a crisis in his country's +fortunes! It was inconceivable. At the least he would have to live +in retirement until they grew again, and without the leadership of +their King the Barodian army would become a rabble. +</P> + +<P> +The Chancellor was not distressed at the thought; he was looking +forward to his return to Euralia, where he kept a comfortable house. +It was not that his life in the field was uninteresting; he had as +much work to do as any man. It was part of his business, for +instance, to test the pretentions of any new wizard or spell-monger +who was brought into the camp. Such and such a quack would seek an +interview on the pretext that for five hundred crowns he could turn +the King of Barodia into a small black pig. He would be brought +before the Chancellor. +</P> + +<P> +"You say that you can turn a man into a small black pig?" the +Chancellor would ask. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, your lordship. It came to me from my grandmother." +</P> + +<P> +"Then turn me," the Chancellor would say simply. +</P> + +<P> +The so-called wizard would try. As soon as the incantation was over, +the Chancellor surveyed himself in the mirror. Then he nodded to a +couple of soldiers, and the impostor was tied backwards on to a mule +and driven with jeers out of the camp. There were many such impostors +(who at least made a mule out of it), and the Chancellor's life did +not lack excitement. +</P> + +<P> +But he yearned now for the simple comforts of his home. He liked +pottering about his garden, when his work at the Palace was finished; +he liked, over the last meal of the day, to tell his wife all the +important things he had been doing since he had seen her, and to +impress her with the fact that he was the holder of many state secrets +which she must not attempt to drag from him. A woman of less tact +would have considered the subject closed at this point, but she knew +that he was only longing to be persuaded. However, as she always +found the secrets too dull to tell any one else, no great harm was +done. +</P> + +<P> +"Just help me off with this cloak," said a voice in front of him. +</P> + +<P> +The Chancellor felt about until his hands encountered a solid body. +He undid the cloak and the King stood revealed before him. +</P> + +<P> +"Thanks. Well, I've done it. It went to my heart to do it at the +last moment, so beautiful they were, but I nerved myself to it. Poor +soul, he slept like a lamb through it all. I wonder what he'll say +when he wakes up." +</P> + +<P> +"Did you bring them back with you?" asked the Chancellor excitedly. +</P> + +<P> +"My dear Chancellor, what a question!" He produced them from his +pocket. "In the morning we'll run them up on the flagstaff for all +Barodia to see." +</P> + +<P> +"He won't like that," said the Chancellor, chuckling. +</P> + +<P> +"I don't quite see what he can do about it," said Merriwig. +</P> + +<P> + * * * * *<BR> +</P> + +<P> +The King of Barodia didn't quite see either. +</P> + +<P> +A fit of sneezing woke him up that morning, and at the same moment he +felt a curious draught about his cheeks. He put his hand up and +immediately knew the worst. +</P> + +<P> +"Hullo, there!" he bellowed to the sentry outside the door. +</P> + +<P> +"Your Majesty," said the sentry, coming in with alacrity. +</P> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0308"></a> +<img src="images/0308.jpg" alt="[Illustration: The tent seemed to swim before his eyes, and he knew + no more, verso]"> +<img src="images/0309.jpg" alt="[Illustration: The tent seemed to swim before his eyes, and he knew + no more, recto]"> +</P> + +<P> +The King bobbed down again at once. +</P> + +<P> +"Send the Chancellor to me," said an angry voice from under the +bedclothes. +</P> + +<P> +When the Chancellor came in it was to see the back only of his august +monarch. +</P> + +<P> +"Chancellor," said the King, "prepare yourself for a shock." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, sir," said the Chancellor, trembling exceedingly. +</P> + +<P> +"You are about to see something which no man in the history of Barodia +has ever seen before." +</P> + +<P> +The Chancellor, not having the least idea what to expect, waited +nervously. The next moment the tent seemed to swim before his eyes, +and he knew no more. . . . +</P> + +<P> +When he came to, the King was pouring a jug of water down his neck and +murmuring rough words of comfort in his ear. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, your Majesty," said the poor Chancellor, "your Majesty! I don't +know what to say, your Majesty." He mopped at himself as he spoke, +and the water trickled from him on to the floor. +</P> + +<P> +"Pull yourself together," said the King sternly. "We shall want all +your wisdom, which is notoriously not much, to help us in this +crisis." +</P> + +<P> +"Your Majesty, who has dared to do this grievous thing?" +</P> + +<P> +"You fool, how should I know? Do you think they did it while I was +awake?" +</P> + +<P> +The Chancellor stiffened a little. He was accustomed to being called +a fool; but that was by a man with a terrifying pair of ginger +whiskers. From the rather fat and uninspiring face in front of him he +was inclined to resent it. +</P> + +<P> +"What does your Majesty propose to do?" he asked shortly. +</P> + +<P> +"I propose to do the following. Upon you rests the chief burden." +</P> + +<P> +The Chancellor did not look surprised. +</P> + +<P> +"It will be your part to break the news as gently as possible to my +people. You will begin by saying that I am busy with a great +enchanter who has called to see me, and that therefore I am unable to +show myself to my people this morning. Later on in the day you will +announce that the enchanter has shown me how to defeat the wicked +Euralians; you will dwell upon the fact that this victory, as assured +by him, involves an overwhelming sacrifice on my part, but that for +the good of my people I am willing to endure it. Then you will +solemnly announce that the sacrifice I am making, have indeed already +made, is nothing less than—— What are all those fools cheering for +out there?" A mighty roar of laughter rose to the sky. "Here, what's +it all about? Just go and look." +</P> + +<P> +The Chancellor went to the door of the tent—and saw. +</P> + +<P> +He came back to the King, striving to speak casually. +</P> + +<P> +"Just a humorous emblem that the Euralians have raised over their +camp," he said. "It wouldn't amuse your Majesty." +</P> + +<P> +"I am hardly in a mood for joking," said the King. "Let us return to +business. As I was saying, you will announce to the people that the +enormous sacrifice which their King is prepared to make for them +consists of— There they go again. I must really see what it is. +Just pull the door back so that I may see without being seen." +</P> + +<P> +"It—it really wouldn't amuse your Majesty." +</P> + +<P> +"Are you implying that I have no sense of humour?" said the King +sternly. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, no, sire, but there are certain jokes, jokes in the poorest of +taste, that would naturally not appeal to so delicate a palate as your +Majesty's. This—er—strikes me as one of them." +</P> + +<P> +"Of that I am the best judge," said the King coldly. "Open the door +at once." +</P> + +<P> +The Chancellor opened the door; and there before the King's eyes, +flaunting themselves in the breeze beneath the Royal Standard of +Euralia, waved his own beloved whiskers. +</P> + +<P> +The King of Barodia was not a lovable man, and his daughters were +decidedly plain, but there are moments when one cannot help admiring +him. This was one of them. +</P> + +<P> +"You may shut the door," he said to the Chancellor. "The instructions +which I gave to you just now," he went on in the same cold voice, "are +cancelled. Let me think for a moment." He began to walk up and down +his apartment. "You may think, too," he added kindly. "If you have +anything not entirely senseless to suggest, you may suggest it." +</P> + +<P> +He continued his pacings. Suddenly he came to a dead stop. He was +standing in front of a large mirror. For the first time since he was +seventeen he had seen his face without whiskers. His eyes still fixed +on his reflection, he beckoned the Chancellor to approach. +</P> + +<P> +"Come here," he said, clutching him by the arm. "You see that?" He +pointed to the reflection. "That is what I look like? The mirror +hasn't made a mistake of any kind? That is really and truly what I +look like?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, sire." +</P> + +<P> +For a little while the King continued to gaze fascinated at his +reflection, and then he turned on the Chancellor. +</P> + +<P> +"You coward!" he said. "You weak-kneed, jelly-souled, paper-livered +imitation of a man! You cringe to a King who looks like that! Why, +you ought to <i>kick</i> me." +</P> + +<P> +The Chancellor remembered that he had one kick owing to him. He drew +back his foot, and then a thought occurred to him. +</P> + +<P> +"You might kick me back," he pointed out. +</P> + +<P> +"I certainly should," said the King. +</P> + +<P> +The Chancellor hesitated a moment. +</P> + +<P> +"I think," he said, "that these private quarrels in the face of the +common enemy are to be deplored." +</P> + +<P> +The King looked at him, gave a short laugh, and went on walking up and +down. +</P> + +<P> +"That face again," he sighed as he came opposite the mirror. "No, +it's no good; I can never be King like this. I shall abdicate." +</P> + +<P> +"But, your Majesty, this is a very terrible decision. Could not your +Majesty live in retirement until your Majesty had grown your Majesty's +whiskers again? Surely this is——" +</P> + +<P> +The King came to a stand opposite him and looked down on him gravely. +</P> + +<P> +"Chancellor," he said, "those whiskers which you have just seen +fluttering in the breeze have been for more than forty years my curse. +For more than forty years I have had to live up to those whiskers, +behaving, not as my temperament, which is a kindly, indeed a genial +one, bade me to behave, but as those whiskers insisted I should +behave. Arrogant, hasty-tempered, over-bearing—these are the +qualities which have been demanded of the owner of those whiskers. I +played a part which was difficult at first; of late, it has, alas! +been more easy. Yet it has never been my true nature that you have +seen." +</P> + +<P> +He paused and looked silently at himself in the glass. +</P> + +<P> +"But, your Majesty," said the Chancellor eagerly, "why choose this +moment to abdicate? Think how your country will welcome this new King +whom you have just revealed to me. And yet," he added regretfully, +"it would not be quite the same." +</P> + +<P> +The King turned round to him. +</P> + +<P> +"There spoke a true Barodian," he said. "It would not be the same. +Barodians have come to expect certain qualities from their rulers, and +they would be lost without them. A new King might accustom them to +other ways, but they are used to me, and they would not like me +different. No, Chancellor, I shall abdicate. Do not wear so sad a +face for me. I am looking forward to my new life with the greatest of +joy." +</P> + +<P> +The Chancellor was not looking sad for him; he was looking sad for +himself, thinking that perhaps a new King might like changes in +Chancellors equally with changes in manners or whiskers. +</P> + +<P> +"But what will you do?" he asked. +</P> + +<P> +"I shall be a simple subject of the new King, earning my living by my +own toil." +</P> + +<P> +The Chancellor raised his eyebrows at this. +</P> + +<P> +"I suppose you think," said the King haughtily, "that I have not the +intelligence to earn my own living." +</P> + +<P> +The Chancellor with a cough remarked that the very distinguished +qualities which made an excellent King did not always imply the +corresponding—er—and so on. +</P> + +<P> +"That shows how little you know about it. Just to give one example. +I happen to know that I have in me the makings of an excellent +swineherd." +</P> + +<P> +"A swineherd?" +</P> + +<P> +"The man who—er—herds the swine. It may surprise you to hear that, +posing as a swineherd, I have conversed with another of the profession +upon his own subject, without his suspecting the truth. It is just +such a busy outdoor life as I should enjoy. One herds and one milks, +and one milks, and—er—herds, and so it goes on day after day." A +happy smile, the first the Chancellor had ever seen there, spread +itself over his features. He clapped the Chancellor playfully on the +back and added, "I shall simply love it." +</P> + +<P> +The Chancellor was amazed. What a story for his dinner-parties when +the war was over! +</P> + +<P> +"How will you announce it?" he asked, and his tone struck a happy mean +between the tones in which you address a monarch and a pig-minder +respectively. +</P> + +<P> +"That will be your duty. Now that I have shaken off the curse of +those whiskers, I am no longer a proud man, but even a swineherd would +not care for it to get about that he had been forcibly shaved while +sleeping. That this should be the last incident recorded of me in +Barodian history is unbearable. You will announce therefore that I +have been slain in fair combat, though at the dead of night, by the +King of Euralia, and that my whiskers fly over his royal tent as a +symbol of his victory." He winked at the Chancellor and added, "It +might as well get about that some one had stolen my Magic Sword that +evening." +</P> + +<P> +The Chancellor was speechless with admiration and approval of the +plan. Like his brother of Euralia, he too was longing to get home +again. The war had arisen over a personal insult to the King. If the +King was no longer King, why should the war go on? +</P> + +<P> +"I think," said the future swineherd, "that I shall send a Note over +to the King of Euralia, telling him my decision. To-night, when it is +dark, I shall steal away and begin my new life. There seems to be no +reason why the people should not go back to their homes to-morrow. By +the way, that guard outside there knows that I wasn't killed last +night; that's rather awkward." +</P> + +<P> +"I think," said the Chancellor, who was already picturing his return +home, and was not going to be done out of it by a common sentry, "I +think I could persuade him that you <i>were</i> killed last night." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, well, then, that's all right." He drew a ring from his finger. +"Perhaps this will help him to be persuaded. Now leave me while I +write to the King of Euralia." +</P> + +<P> +It was a letter which Merriwig was decidedly glad to get. It announced +bluntly that the war was over, and added that the King of Barodia +proposed to abdicate. His son would rule in his stead, but he was a +harmless fool, and the King of Euralia need not bother about him. The +King would be much obliged if he would let it get about that the +whiskers had been won in a fair fight; this would really be more to +the credit of both of them. Personally he was glad to be rid of the +things, but one has one's dignity. He was now retiring into private +life, and if it were rumoured abroad that he had been killed by the +King of Euralia matters would be much more easy to arrange. +</P> + +<P> +Merriwig slept late after his long night abroad, and he found this +Note waiting for him when he awoke. He summoned the Chancellor at +once. +</P> + +<P> +"What have you done about those—er—trophies?" he asked. +</P> + +<P> +"They are fluttering from your flagstaff, sire, at this moment." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah! And what do my people say?" +</P> + +<P> +"They are roaring with laughter, sire, at the whimsical nature of the +jest." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, but what do they say?" +</P> + +<P> +"Some say that your Majesty, with great cunning, ventured privily in +the night and cut them off while he slept; others, that with great +bravery you defeated him in mortal combat and carried them away as the +spoils of the victor." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh! And what did <i>you</i> say?" +</P> + +<P> +The Chancellor looked reproachful. +</P> + +<P> +"Naturally, your Majesty, I have not spoken with them." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, well, I have been thinking it over in the night, and I remember +now that I <i>did</i> kill him. You understand?" +</P> + +<P> +"Your Majesty's skill in sword play will be much appreciated by the +people." +</P> + +<P> +"Quite so," said the King hastily. "Well, that's all—I'm getting up +now. And we're all going home to-morrow." +</P> + +<P> +The Chancellor went out, rubbing his hands with delight. +</P> + +<p class="noindent" align="right"> +<img src="images/0323X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Small picture of a thin man carrying a large sack]"> +</p> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<A NAME="chap18"></A> +<img src="images/0325X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: A small girl in medieval garb holds a large document"> +</p> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XVIII +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE VETERAN OF THE FOREST ENTERTAINS TWO VERY YOUNG PEOPLE +</H3> + +<P> +Do you remember the day when the Princess Hyacinth and Wiggs sat upon +the castle walls and talked of Udo's coming? The Princess thought he +would be dark, and Wiggs thought he would be fair, and he was to have +the Purple Room—or was it the Blue?—and anyhow he was to put the +Countess in her place and bring happiness to Euralia. That seemed a +long time ago to Hyacinth now, as once more she sat on the castle +walls with Wiggs. +</P> + +<P> +She was very lovely. She longed to get rid of that "outside help in +our affairs" which she had summoned so recklessly. They were two +against one now. Belvane actively against her was bad enough; but +Belvane in the background with Udo as her mouthpiece—Udo specially +asked in to give the benefit of his counsel—this was ten times worse. +</P> + +<P> +"What do you do, Wiggs?" she asked, "when you are very lonely and +nobody loves you?" +</P> + +<P> +"Dance," said Wiggs promptly. +</P> + +<P> +"But if you don't want to dance?" +</P> + +<P> +Wiggs tried to remember those dark ages (about a week ago) when she +couldn't dance. +</P> + +<P> +"I used to go into the forest," she said, "and sit under my own tree, +and by and by everybody loved you." +</P> + +<P> +"I wonder if they'd love <i>me</i>." +</P> + +<P> +"Of course they would. Shall I show you my special tree?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, but don't come with me; tell me where it is. I want to be +unhappy alone." +</P> + +<P> +So Wiggs told her how you followed her special path, which went in at +the corner of the forest, until by and by the trees thinned on either +side, and it widened into a glade, and you went downhill and crossed +the brook at the bottom and went up the other side until it was all +trees again, and the first and the biggest and the oldest and the +loveliest was hers. And you turned round and sat with your back +against it, and looked across to where you'd come from, and then you +<i>knew</i> that everything was all right. +</P> + +<P> +"I shall find it," said Hyacinth, as she got up. "Thank you, dear." +</P> + +<P> +She found it, she sat there, and her heart was very bitter at first +against Udo and against Belvane, and even against her father for going +away and leaving her; but by and by the peace of the place wrapped +itself around her, and she felt that she would find a way out of her +difficulties somehow. Only she wished that her father would come +back, because he loved her, and she felt that it would be nice to be +loved again. +</P> + +<P> +"It is beautiful, isn't it?" said a voice from behind her. +</P> + +<P> +She turned suddenly, as a tall young man stepped out from among the +trees. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, who are you, please?" she asked, amazed at his sudden appearance. +His dress told her nothing, but his face told her things which she +was glad to know. +</P> + +<P> +"My name," he said, "is Coronel." +</P> + +<P> +"It is a pretty name." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, but don't be led away by it. It belongs to nobody very +particular. Do you mind if I sit down? I generally sit down here +about this time." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, do you live in the forest?" +</P> + +<P> +"I have lived here for the last week." He gave her a friendly smile, +and added, "You're late, aren't you?" +</P> + +<P> +"Late?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, I've been expecting you for the last seven days." +</P> + +<P> +"How did you know there was any me at all?" smiled Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +With a movement of his hand Coronel indicated the scene in front of +him. +</P> + +<P> +"There had to be <i>somebody</i> for whom all this was made. It wanted +somebody to say thank you to it now and then." +</P> + +<P> +"Haven't you been doing that all this week?" +</P> + +<P> +"Me? I wouldn't presume. No, it's your glade, and you've neglected +it shamefully." +</P> + +<P> +"There's a little girl who comes here," said Hyacinth. "I wonder if +you have seen her?" +</P> + +<P> +Coronel turned away. There were secret places in his heart into which +Hyacinth could not come—yet. +</P> + +<P> +"She danced," he said shortly. +</P> + +<P> +There was silence between them for a little, but a comfortable +silence, as if they were already old friends. +</P> + +<P> +"You know," said Hyacinth, looking down at him as he lay at her feet, +"you ought not to be here at all, really." +</P> + +<P> +"I wish I could think that," said Coronel. "I had a horrible feeling +that duty called me here. I love those places where one really +oughtn't to be at all, don't you?" +</P> + +<P> +"I love being here," sighed Hyacinth. "Wiggs was quite right." +Seeing him look up at her she added, "Wiggs is the little girl who +dances, you know." +</P> + +<P> +"She would be right," said Coronel, looking away from her. +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth felt strangely rested. It seemed that never again would +anything trouble her; never again would she have only her own strength +to depend upon. Who was he? But it did not matter. He might go away +and she might never see him again, but she was no longer afraid of the +world. +</P> + +<P> +"I thought," she said, "that all the men of Euralia were away +fighting." +</P> + +<P> +"So did I," said Coronel. +</P> + +<P> +"What are you, then? A Prince from a distant country, an enchanter, a +spy sent from Barodia, a travelling musician?—you see, I give you +much to choose from." +</P> + +<P> +"You leave me nothing to be but what I am—Coronel." +</P> + +<P> +"And I am Hyacinth." +</P> + +<P> +He knew, of course, but he made no sign. +</P> + +<P> +"Hyacinth," he said, and he held out his hand. +</P> + +<P> +"Coronel," she answered as she took it. +</P> + +<P> +The brook chuckled to itself as it hurried past below them. +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth got up with a little sigh of contentment. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, I must be going," she said. +</P> + +<P> +"Must you really be going?" asked Coronel. "I wasn't saying good-bye, +you know." +</P> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0332"></a> +<img src="images/0332.jpg" +alt="[Illustration: She turned round and went off daintily down the hill, verso]"> +<img src="images/0333.jpg" +alt="[Illustration: She turned round and went off daintily down the hill, verso]"> +</P> + +<P> +"I really must." +</P> + +<P> +"It's a surprising thing about the view from here," said Coronel, +"that it looks just as nice to-morrow. To-morrow about the same +time." +</P> + +<P> +"That's a very extraordinary thing," smiled Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, but it's one of those things that you don't want to take another +person's word for." +</P> + +<P> +"You think I ought to see for myself? Well, perhaps I will." +</P> + +<P> +"Give me a whistle if I happen to be passing," said Coronel casually, +"and tell me what you think. Good-bye, Hyacinth." +</P> + +<P> +"Good-bye, Coronel." +</P> + +<P> +She nodded her head confidently at him, and then turned round and went +off daintily down the hill. +</P> + +<P> +Coronel stared after her. +</P> + +<P> +"What <i>is</i> Udo doing?" he murmured to himself. "But perhaps she +doesn't like animals. A whole day to wait. How endless!" +</P> + +<P> +If he had known that Udo, now on two legs again, was at that moment in +Belvane's garden, trying to tell her, for the fifth time that week, +about his early life in Araby, he would have been still more +surprised. +</P> + +<P> +We left Coronel, if you remember, in Araby. For three or four days he +remained there, wondering how Udo was getting on, and feeling more and +more that he ought to do something about it. On the fourth day he got +on to his horse and rode off again. He simply must see what was +happening. If Udo wanted to help, then he would be there to give it; +if Udo was all right again, then he could go comfortably back to +Araby. +</P> + +<P> +To tell the truth, Coronel was a little jealous of his friend. A +certain Prince Perivale, who had stayed at his uncle's court, had once +been a suitor for Hyacinth's hand; but losing a competition with the +famous seven-headed bull of Euralia, which Merriwig had arranged for +him, had made no further headway with his suit. This Prince had had a +portrait of Hyacinth specially done for him by his own Court Painter, +a portrait which Coronel had seen. It was for this reason that he had +at first objected to accompanying Udo to Euralia, and it was for this +reason that he persuaded himself very readily that the claims of +friendship called him there now. +</P> + +<P> +For the last week he had been waiting in the forest. Now that he was +there, he was not quite sure how to carry out his mission. So far +there had been no sign of Udo, either on four legs or on two; it +seemed probable that unless Coronel went to the Palace and asked for +him, there would be no sign. And if he went to the Palace, and Udo +was all right, and the Princess Hyacinth was in love with him, then +the worst would have happened. He would have to stay there and help +admire Udo—an unsatisfying prospect to a man in love. For he told +himself by this time that he was in love with Hyacinth, although he +had never seen her. +</P> + +<P> +So he had waited in the forest, hoping for something to turn up; and +first Wiggs had come . . . and now at last Hyacinth. He was very glad +that he had waited. +</P> + +<P> +She was there on the morrow. +</P> + +<P> +"I knew you'd come," said Coronel. "It looks just as beautiful, +doesn't it?" +</P> + +<P> +"I think it's even more beautiful," said Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +"You mean those little white clouds? That was my idea putting those +in. I thought you'd like them." +</P> + +<P> +"I wondered what you did all day. Does it keep you very busy?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh," said Coronel, "I have time for singing." +</P> + +<P> +"Why do you sing?" +</P> + +<P> +"Because I am young and the forest is beautiful." +</P> + +<P> +"I have been singing this morning, too." +</P> + +<P> +"Why?" asked Coronel eagerly. +</P> + +<P> +"Because the war with Barodia is over." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh!" said Coronel, rather taken aback. +</P> + +<P> +"That doesn't interest you. Yet if you were a Euralian——" +</P> + +<P> +"But it interests me extremely. Let us admire the scene for a moment, +while I think. Look, there is another of my little clouds." +</P> + +<P> +Coronel wondered what would happen now. If the King were coming back, +then Udo would be wanted no longer save as a suitor for Hyacinth's +hand. If, then, he returned, it would show that—— But suppose he +was still an animal? It was doubtful if he would go back to Araby as +an animal. And then there was another possibility: perhaps he had +never come to Euralia at all. Here were a lot of questions to be +answered, and here next to him was one who could answer them. But he +must go carefully. +</P> + +<P> +"Ninety-seven, ninety-eight, ninety-nine, a hundred," he said aloud. +"There, I've finished my thinking and you've finished your looking." +</P> + +<P> +"And what have you decided?" smiled Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +"Decided?" said Coronel, rather startled. "Oh, no, I wasn't deciding +anything, I was just thinking. I was thinking about animals." +</P> + +<P> +"So was I." +</P> + +<P> +"How very curious, and also how wrong of you. You were supposed to be +admiring my clouds. What sort of animals were you thinking about?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh—all sorts." +</P> + +<P> +"I was thinking about rabbits. Do you care for rabbits at all?" +</P> + +<P> +"Not very much." +</P> + +<P> +"Neither do I. They're so loppity. Do you like lions?" +</P> + +<P> +"I think their tails are rather silly," said Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, perhaps they are. Now—a woolly lamb." +</P> + +<P> +"I am not very fond of woolly lambs just now." +</P> + +<P> +"No? Well, they're not very interesting. It's a funny thing," he +went on casually, trying to steal a glance at her, "that we should be +talking about those three animals, because I once met somebody who was +a mixture of all three together at the same time." +</P> + +<P> +"So did I," said Hyacinth gravely. +</P> + +<P> +But he saw her mouth trembling, and suddenly she turned round and +caught his eye, and then they burst out laughing together. +</P> + +<P> +"Poor Udo," said Coronel; "and how is he looking now?" +</P> + +<P> +"He is all right again now." +</P> + +<P> +"All right again? Then why isn't he—— But I'm very glad he isn't." +</P> + +<P> +"I didn't like him," said Hyacinth, blushing a little. And then she +went on bravely, "But I think he found he didn't like me first." +</P> + +<P> +"He wants humouring," said Coronel. "It's my business to humour him, +it isn't yours." +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth looked at him with a new interest. +</P> + +<P> +"Now I know who you are," she said. "He talked about you once." +</P> + +<P> +"What did he say?" asked Coronel, obviously dying to know. +</P> + +<P> +"He said you were good at poetry." +</P> + +<P> +Coronel was a little disappointed. He would have preferred Hyacinth +to have been told that he was good at dragons. However, they had met +now and it did not matter. +</P> + +<P> +"Princess," he said suddenly, "I expect you wonder what I am doing +here. I came to see if Prince Udo was in need of help, and also to +see if you were in need of help. Prince Udo was my friend, but if he +has not been a friend of yours, then he is no longer a friend of mine. +Tell me what has been happening here, and then tell me if in any way +I can help you." +</P> + +<P> +"You called me Hyacinth yesterday," she said, "and it is still my +name." +</P> + +<P> +"Hyacinth," said Coronel, taking her hand, "tell me if you want me at +all." +</P> + +<P> +"Thank you, Coronel. You see, Coronel, it's like this." And sitting +beneath Wiggs's veteran of the forest, with Coronel lying at her feet, +she told him everything. +</P> + +<P> +"It seems easy enough," he said when she had finished. "You want Udo +pushed out and the Countess put in her place. I can do the one while +you do the other." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, but how do I push Prince Udo out?" +</P> + +<P> +"That's what <i>I'm</i> going to do." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, but, Coronel dear, if I could put the Countess in her place, +shouldn't I have done it a long time ago? I don't think you quite +know the sort of person she is. And I don't quite know what her place +is either, which makes it rather had to put her into it. You see, I +don't think I told you that—that Father is rather fond of her." +</P> + +<P> +"I thought you said Udo was." +</P> + +<P> +"They both are." +</P> + +<P> +"Then how simple. We simply kill Udo, and—and—well, anyhow, there's +one part of it done." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, but what about the other part?" +</P> + +<P> +Coronel thought for a moment. +</P> + +<P> +"Would it be simpler if we did it the other way around?" he said. +"Killed the Countess and put Udo in his place." +</P> + +<P> +"Father wouldn't like that at all, and he's coming back to-morrow." +</P> + +<P> +Coronel didn't quite see the difficulty. If the King was in love with +the Countess, he would marry her whatever Hyacinth did. And what was +the good of putting her in her place for one day if her next place was +to be on the throne. +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth guessed what he was thinking. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, don't you see," she cried, "she doesn't know that the King is +coming back to-morrow. And if I can only just show her—I don't mind +if it's only for an hour—that I am not afraid of her, and that she +has got to take her orders from me, then I shan't mind so much all +that has happened these last weeks. But if she is to have disregarded +me all the time, if she is to have plotted against me from the very +moment my father went away, and if nothing is to come to her for it +but that she marries my father and becomes Queen of Euralia, then I +can have no pride left, and I will be a Princess no longer." +</P> + +<P> +"I must see this Belvane," said Coronel thoughtfully. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Coronel, Coronel," cried Hyacinth, "if <i>you</i> fall in love with +her, too, I think I shall die of shame!" +</P> + +<P> +"With <i>her</i>, Hyacinth?" he said, turning to her in amazement. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, you—I didn't—you never—I——" Her voice trailed away; she +could not meet his gaze any longer; she dropped her eyes, and the next +moment his arms were round her, and she knew that she would never be +alone again. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<A NAME="chap19"></A> +<img src="images/0347X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Detail of Hyacinth presenting Coronel]"> +</p> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XIX +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +UDO BEHAVES LIKE A GENTLEMAN +</H3> + +<P> +"And now," said Coronel, "we'd better decide what to do." +</P> + +<P> +"But I don't mind what we do now," said Hyacinth happily. "She may +have the throne and Father and Udo, and—and anything else she can +get, and I shan't mind a bit. You see, I have got <i>you</i> now, Coronel, +and I can never be jealous of anybody again." +</P> + +<P> +"That's what makes it so jolly. We can do what we like, and it +doesn't matter if it doesn't come off. So just for fun let's think of +something to pay her out." +</P> + +<P> +"I feel I don't want to hurt anybody to-day." +</P> + +<P> +"All right, we won't hurt her, we'll humour her. We will be her most +humble obedient servants. She shall have everything she wants." +</P> + +<P> +"Including Prince Udo," smiled Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +"That's a splendid idea. We'll make her have Udo. It will annoy your +father, but one can't please everybody. Oh, I can see myself enjoying +this." +</P> + +<P> +They got up and wandered back along Wiggs's path, hand in hand. +</P> + +<P> +"I'm almost afraid to leave the forest," said Hyacinth, "in case +something happens." +</P> + +<P> +"What should happen?" +</P> + +<P> +"I don't know; but all our life together has been in the forest, and +I'm just a little afraid of the world." +</P> + +<P> +"I will be very close to you always, Hyacinth." +</P> + +<P> +"Be very close, Coronel," she whispered, and then they walked out +together. +</P> + +<P> +If any of the servants at the Palace were surprised to see Coronel, +they did not show it. After all, that was their business. +</P> + +<P> +"Prince Coronel will be staying here," said the Princess. "Prepare a +room for him and some refreshment for us both." And if they discussed +those things in the servants' halls of those days (as why should they +not?), no doubt they told each other that the Princess Hyacinth (bless +her pretty face!) had found her man at last. Why, you only had to see +her looking at him. But I get no assistance from Roger at this point; +he pretends that he has a mind far above the gossip of the lower +orders. +</P> + +<P> +"I say," said Coronel, as they went up the grand staircase, "I am not +a Prince, you know. Don't say I have deceived you." +</P> + +<P> +"You are <i>my</i> Prince," said Hyacinth proudly. +</P> + +<P> +"My dear, I am a king among men to-day, and you are my queen, but +that's in our own special country of two." +</P> + +<P> +"If you are so particular," said Hyacinth, with a smile, "Father will +make you a proper Prince directly he comes back." +</P> + +<P> +"Will he? That's what I'm wondering. You see he doesn't know yet +about our little present to the Countess." +</P> + +<P> + * * * * *<BR> +</P> + +<P> +But it is quite time we got back to Belvane; we have left her alone +too long. It was more than Udo did. Just now he was with her in her +garden, telling her for the fifth time an extraordinarily dull story +about an encounter of his with a dragon, apparently in its dotage, to +which Belvane was listening with an interest which surprised even the +narrator. +</P> + +<P> +"And then," said Udo, "I jumped quickly to the right, and whirling +my—no, wait a bit, that was later—I jumped quickly to my left—yes, +I remember it now, it <i>was</i> my left—I jumped quickly to my left, and +whirling my——" +</P> + +<P> +He stopped suddenly at the expression on Belvane's face. She was +looking over his shoulder at something behind him. +</P> + +<P> +"Why, whoever is this?" she said, getting to her feet. +</P> + +<P> +Before Udo had completely cleared his mind of his dragon, the Princess +and Coronel were upon them. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, Countess, I thought we should find you together," said Hyacinth +archly. "Let me present to you my friend, the Duke Coronel. Coronel, +this is Countess Belvane, a very dear and faithful friend of mine. +Prince Udo, of course, you know. His Royal Highness and the Countess +are—well, it isn't generally known at present, so perhaps I oughtn't +to say anything." +</P> + +<P> +Coronel made a deep bow to the astonished Belvane. +</P> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0352"></a> +<img src="images/0352.jpg" +alt="[Illustration: Let me present to you my friend the Duke Coronel, verso]"> +<img src="images/0353.jpg" +alt="[Illustration: Let me present to you my friend the Duke Coronel, recto]"> +</P> + +<P> +"Your humble servant," he said. "You will, I am sure, forgive me if I +say how glad I am to hear your news. Udo is one of my oldest +friends"—he turned and clapped that bewildered Highness on the +back—"aren't you, Udo? and I can think of no one more suitable in +every way." He bowed again, and turned back to the Prince. "Well, +Udo, you're looking splendid. A different thing, Countess, from when +I last saw him. Let me see, that must have been just the day before +he arrived in Euralia. Ah, what a miracle-worker True Love is!" +</P> + +<P> +I think one of the things which made Belvane so remarkable was that +she was never afraid of remaining silent when she was not quite sure +what to say. She waited therefore while she considered what all this +meant; who Coronel was, what he was doing there, even whether a +marriage with Udo was not after all the best that she could hope for +now. +</P> + +<P> +Meanwhile Udo, of course, blundered along gaily. +</P> + +<P> +"We aren't exactly, Princess—I mean——What are you doing here, +Coronel?—I didn't know, Princess, that you—— The Countess and I +were just having a little—I was just telling her what you said +about—How did you get here, Coronel?" +</P> + +<P> +"Shall we tell him?" said Coronel, with a smile at Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth nodded. +</P> + +<P> +"I rode," said Coronel. "It's a secret," he added. +</P> + +<P> +"But I didn't know that you——" +</P> + +<P> +"We find that we have really known each other a very long time," +explained Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +"And hearing that there was to be a wedding," added Coronel—— +</P> + +<P> +Belvane made up her mind. Coronel was evidently a very different man +from Udo. If he stayed in Euralia as adviser—more than adviser she +guessed—to Hyacinth, her own position would not be in much doubt. +And as for the King, it might be months before he came back, and when +he did come would he remember her? But to be Queen of Araby was no +mean thing. +</P> + +<P> +"We didn't want it to be known yet," she said shyly, "but you have +guessed our secret, your Royal Highness." She looked modestly at the +ground, and, feeling for her reluctant lover's hand, went on, "Udo and +I"—here she squeezed the hand, and, finding it was Coronel's, took +Udo's boldly without any more maidenly nonsense—"Udo and I love each +other." +</P> + +<P> +"Say something, Udo," prompted Coronel. +</P> + +<P> +"Er—yes," said Udo, very unwillingly, and deciding he would explain +it all afterwards. Whatever his feelings for the Countess, he was not +going to be rushed into a marriage. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I'm so glad," said Hyacinth. "I felt somehow that it must be +coming, because you've seen so <i>much</i> of each other lately. Wiggs and +I have often talked about it together." +</P> + +<P> +("What has happened to the child?" thought Belvane. "She isn't a +child at all, she's grown up.") +</P> + +<P> +"There's no holding Udo once he begins," volunteered Coronel. "He's +the most desperate lover in Araby. +</P> + +<P> +"My father will be so excited when he hears," said Hyacinth. "You +know, of course, that his Majesty comes back to-morrow with all his +army." +</P> + +<P> +She did not swoon or utter a cry. She did not plead the vapours or +the megrims. She took unflinching what must have been the biggest +shock in her life. +</P> + +<P> +"Then perhaps I had better see that everything is ready in the +Palace," she said, "if your Royal Highness will excuse me." And with +a curtsey she was gone. +</P> + +<P> +Coronel exchanged a glance with Hyacinth. "I'm enjoying this," he +seemed to say. +</P> + +<P> +"Well," she announced, "I must be going in, too. There'll be much to +see about." +</P> + +<P> +Coronel was left alone with the most desperate lover in Araby. +</P> + +<P> +"And now," said the Prince, "tell me what you are doing here." +</P> + +<P> +Coronel put his arm in Udo's and walked him up and down the flagged +path. +</P> + +<P> +"Your approaching marriage," he said, "is the talk of Araby. +Naturally I had to come here to see for myself what she was like. My +dear Udo, she's charming; I congratulate you." +</P> + +<P> +"Don't be a fool, Coronel. I haven't the slightest intention of +marrying her." +</P> + +<P> +"Then why have you told everybody that you are going to?" +</P> + +<P> +"You know quite well I haven't told anybody. There hasn't been a +single word about it mentioned until you pushed your way in just now." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, well, perhaps you hadn't heard about it. But the Princess knows, +the Countess knows, and I know—yes, I think you may take our word for +it that it's true." +</P> + +<P> +"I haven't the slightest intention—what do you keep clinging to my +arm like this for? +</P> + +<P> +"My dear Udo, I'm so delighted to see you again. Don't turn your back +on old friendships just because you have found a nobler and a +truer—— Oh, very well, if you're going to drop all your former +friends, go on then. But when <i>I'm</i> married, there will always be a +place for——" +</P> + +<P> +"Understand once and for all," said Udo angrily, "that I am <i>not</i> +getting married. No, don't take my arm—we can talk quite well like +this." +</P> + +<P> +"I am sorry, Udo," said Coronel meekly; "we seem to have made a +mistake. But you must admit we found you in a very compromising +position." +</P> + +<P> +"It wasn't in the least compromising," protested Udo indignantly. "As +a matter of fact I was just telling her about that dragon I killed in +Araby last year." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, and who would listen to a hopeless story like that, but the woman +one was going to marry?" +</P> + +<P> +"Once more, I am not going to marry her." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, you must please yourself, but you have compromised her severely +with that story. Poor innocent girl. Well, let's forget about it. +And now tell me, how do you like Euralia?" +</P> + +<P> +"I am returning to Araby this afternoon," said Udo stiffly. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, perhaps you're right. I hope that nothing will happen to you +on the way." +</P> + +<P> +Udo, who was about to enter the Palace, turned round with a startled +look. +</P> + +<P> +"What do you mean?" +</P> + +<P> +"Well, something happened on the way here. By the by, how did that +happen? You never told me." +</P> + +<P> +"Your precious Countess, whom you expect me to marry." +</P> + +<P> +"How very unkind of her. A nasty person to annoy." He was silent for +a moment, and then added thoughtfully, "I suppose it <i>is</i> rather +annoying to think you're going to marry somebody whom you love very +much, and then find you're not going to." +</P> + +<P> +Udo evidently hadn't thought of this. He tried to show that he was +not in the least frightened. +</P> + +<P> +"She couldn't do anything. It was only by a lucky chance she did it +last time." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, but of course the chance might come again. You'd have the thing +hanging over you always. She's clever, you know; and I should never +feel quite safe if she were my enemy. . . . Lovely flowers, aren't +they? What's the name of this one?" +</P> + +<P> +Udo dropped undecidedly into a seat. This wanted thinking out. The +Countess—what was wrong with her, after all? And she evidently adored +him. Of course that was not surprising; the question was, was it fair +to disappoint one who had, perhaps, some little grounds for——? +After all, he had been no more gallant than was customary from a +Prince and a gentleman to a beautiful woman. It was her own fault if +she had mistaken his intentions. Of course he ought to have left +Euralia long ago. But he had stayed on, and—well, decidedly she was +beautiful—perhaps he had paid rather too much attention to that. And +he had certainly neglected the Princess a little. After all, again, +why not marry the Countess? It was absurd to suppose there was +anything in Coronel's nonsense, but one never knew. Not that he was +marrying her out of fear. No; certainly not. It was simply a +chivalrous whim on his part. The poor woman had misunderstood him, +and she should not be disappointed. +</P> + +<P> +"She seems fond of flowers," said Coronel. "You ought to make the +Palace garden look beautiful between you." +</P> + +<P> +"Now, understand clearly, Coronel, I'm not in the least frightened by +the Countess." +</P> + +<P> +"My dear Udo, what a speech for a lover! Of course you're not. After +all, what you bore with such patience and dignity once, you can bear +again." +</P> + +<P> +"That subject is distasteful to me. I must ask you not to refer to +it. If I marry the Countess——" +</P> + +<P> +"You'll be a very lucky man," put in Coronel. "I happen to know that +the King of Euralia—however, she's chosen you, it seems. Personally, +I can't make out what she sees in you. What is it?" +</P> + +<P> +"I should have thought it was quite obvious," said Udo with dignity. +"Well, Coronel, I think perhaps you are right and that it's my duty to +marry her." +</P> + +<P> +Coronel shook him solemnly by the hand. +</P> + +<P> +"I congratulate your Royal Highness. I will announce your decision to +the Princess. She will be much amu—much delighted." And he turned +into the Palace. +</P> + +<P> +Pity him, you lovers. He had not seen Hyacinth for nearly ten +minutes. +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<A NAME="chap20"></A> +<img src="images/0365X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Detail of dark-haired girl in a pastoral scene]"> +</p> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XX +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CORONEL KNOWS A GOOD STORY WHEN HE HEARS IT +</H3> + +<P> +I quote (with slight alterations) from an epic by Charlotte Patacake, +a contemporary poet of the country: +</P> + +<P class="poem"> + <i>King Merriwig the First rode back from war,</i> <BR> + <i>As many other Kings had done before;</i><BR> + <i>Five hundred men behind him were in sight</i><BR> + <i>(Left-right, left-right, left-right, left-right, left-right).</i> <BR> +</P> + +<P> +So far as is known, this was her only work, but she built up some +reputation on it, and Belvane, who was a good judge, had a high +opinion of her genius. +</P> + +<P> +To be exact, there were only four hundred and ninety-nine men. Henry +Smallnose, a bowman of considerable promise, had been left behind in +the enemy's country, the one casualty of war. While spying out the +land in the early days of the invasion, he had been discovered by the +Chief Armourer of Barodia at full length on the wet grass searching +for tracks. The Chief Armourer, a kindly man, had invited him to his +cottage, dried him and given him a warming drink, and had told him +that, if ever his spying took him that way again, he was not to stand +on ceremony, but come in and pay him a visit. Henry, having caught a +glimpse of the Chief Armourer's daughter, had accepted without any +false pride, and had frequently dropped in to supper thereafter. Now +that the war was over, he found that he could not tear himself away. +With King Merriwig's permission he was settling in Barodia, and with +the Chief Armourer's permission he was starting on his new life as a +married man. +</P> + +<P> +As the towers of the castle came in sight, Merriwig drew a deep breath +of happiness. Home again! The hardships of the war were over; the +spoils of victory (wrapped up in tissue paper) were in his pocket; +days of honoured leisure were waiting for him. He gazed at each +remembered landmark of his own beloved country, his heart overflowing +with thankfulness. Never again would he leave Euralia! +</P> + +<P> +How good to see Hyacinth again! Poor little Hyacinth left all alone; +but there! she had had the Countess Belvane, a woman of great +experience, to help her. Belvane! Should he risk it? How much had +she thought of him while he was away? Hyacinth would be growing up +and getting married soon. Life would be lonely in Euralia then, +unless—— Should he risk it? +</P> + +<P> +What would Hyacinth say? +</P> + +<P> +She was waiting for him at the gates of the castle. She had wanted +Coronel to wait with her, but he had refused. +</P> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0368"></a> +<img src="images/0368.jpg" +alt="[Illustration: As the towers of the Castle came in sight, Merriwig drew a deep breath of happiness, verso]"> +<img src="images/0369.jpg" +alt="[Illustration: As the towers of the Castle came in sight, Merriwig drew a deep breath of happiness, recto]"> +</P> + +<P> +"We must offer the good news to him gradually," he said. "When a man +has just come back from a successful campaign, he doesn't want to find +a surprise like this waiting for him. Just think—we don't even know +why the war is over—he must be longing to tell you that. Oh, he'll +have a hundred things to tell you first; but then, when he says 'And +what's been happening here while I've been away? Nothing much, I +suppose?' then you can say——" +</P> + +<P> +"Then I shall say, 'Nothing much; only Coronel.' And such a clever!" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, I have my ideas," said Coronel. "Well, I'll be out of the way +somewhere. I think I'll go for a walk in the forest. Or shall I stay +here, in the Countess's garden, and amuse myself with Udo? Anyhow, +I'll give you an hour alone together first." +</P> + +<P> +The cavalcade drew up in front of the castle. Handkerchiefs fluttered +to them from the walls; trumpets were blown; hounds bayed. Down the +steps came Hyacinth, all blue and gold, and flung herself into her +father's arms. +</P> + +<P> +"My dear child," said Merriwig as he patted her soothingly. "There, +there! It's your old father come back again. H'r'm. There, there!" +He patted her again, as though it were she and not himself who was in +danger of breaking down. "My little Hyacinth! My own little girl!" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Father, I <i>am</i> glad to have you back." +</P> + +<P> +"There, there, my child. Now I must just say a few words to my men, +and then we can tell each other all that has been happening." +</P> + +<P> +He took a step forward and addressed his troops. +</P> + +<P> +"Men of Euralia (<i>cheers</i>). We have returned from a long and arduous +conflict (<i>cheers</i>) to the embraces (<i>loud cheers</i>) of our mothers and +wives and daughters (<i>prolonged cheering</i>)—as the case may be (<i>hear, +hear</i>). In honour of our great victory I decree that, from now +onwards, to-morrow shall be observed as a holiday throughout Euralia +(<i>terrific cheering</i>). I bid you all now return to your homes, and I +hope that you will find as warm a welcome there as I have found in +mine." Here he turned and embraced his daughter again; and if his eye +travelled over her shoulder in the direction of Belvane's garden, it +is a small matter, and one for which the architect of the castle, no +doubt, was principally to blame. +</P> + +<P> +There was another storm of cheers, the battle-cry of Euralia, "<i>Ho, +ho, Merriwig!</i>" was shouted from five hundred throats, and the men +dispersed happily to their homes. Hyacinth and Merriwig went into the +Palace. +</P> + +<P> +"Now, Father," said Hyacinth later on, when Merriwig had changed his +clothes and refreshed himself, "you've got to tell me all about it. I +can hardly believe it's really over." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, yes. It's all over," said Merriwig heartily. "We shan't have +any trouble in <i>that</i> direction again, I fancy." +</P> + +<P> +"Do tell me, did the King of Barodia apologise?" +</P> + +<P> +"He did better than that, he abdicated." +</P> + +<P> +"Why?" +</P> + +<P> +"Well," said Merriwig, remembering just in time, "I—er—killed him." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Father, how rough of you." +</P> + +<P> +"I don't think it hurt him very much, my dear. It was more a shock to +his feelings than anything else. See, I have brought these home for +you." +</P> + +<P> +He produced from his pocket a small packet in tissue paper. +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, how exciting! Whatever can it be?" +</P> + +<P> +Merriwig unwrapped the paper, and disclosed a couple of ginger +whiskers, neatly tied up with blue ribbon. +</P> + +<P> +"Father!" +</P> + +<P> +He picked out the left one, <i>fons et origo</i> (if he had known any +Latin) of the war, and held it up for Hyacinth's inspection. +</P> + +<P> +"There, you can see the place where Henry Smallnose's arrow bent it. +By the way," he added, "Henry is marrying and settling down in +Barodia. It is curious," he went on, "how after a war one's thoughts +turn to matrimony." He glanced at his daughter to see how she would +take this, but she was still engrossed with the whiskers. +</P> + +<P> +"What am I going to do with them, Father? I can't plant them in the +garden." +</P> + +<P> +"I thought we might run them up the flagstaff, as we did in Barodia." +</P> + +<P> +"Isn't that a little unkind now that the poor man's dead?" +</P> + +<P> +Merriwig looked round him to see that there were no eavesdroppers. +</P> + +<P> +"Can you keep a secret?" he asked mysteriously. +</P> + +<P> +"Of course," said Hyacinth, deciding at once that it would not matter +if she only told Coronel. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, then, listen." +</P> + +<P> +He told her of his secret journey to the King of Barodia's tent; he +told her of the King of Barodia's letter; he told her more fully of +his early duel with the King; he told her everything that he had said +and done; and everything that everybody else had said and done to him; +and his boyish pleasure in it all was so evident and so innocent, that +even a stranger would have had nothing more reproachful for him than a +smile. To Hyacinth he seemed the dearest of fathers and the most +wonderful of kings. +</P> + +<P> +And by and by the moment came of which Coronel had spoken. +</P> + +<P> +"And now," said Merriwig, "tell me what you have all been doing with +yourselves here. Nothing much, I suppose?" +</P> + +<P> +He waited nervously, wondering if Hyacinth would realise that "all" +was meant to include more particularly Belvane. +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth drew a stool up to her father's chair and sat down very close +to him. +</P> + +<P> +"Father," she said, stroking his hand where it rested on his knee, "I +<i>have</i> got some news for you." +</P> + +<P> +"Nothing about the Coun—nothing serious, I hope," said Merriwig, in +alarm. +</P> + +<P> +"It's rather serious, but it's rather nice. Father, dear, would you +mind <i>very</i> much if I got married soon?" +</P> + +<P> +"My dear, you shall get married as soon as you like. Let me see, +there were six or seven Princes who came about it only the other day. +I sent them off on adventures of some kind, but—dear me, yes, they +ought to have been back by now. I suppose you haven't heard anything +of them?" +</P> + +<P> +"No, Father," said Hyacinth, with a little smile. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, well, no doubt they were unsuccessful. No matter, dear, we can +easily find you plenty more suitors. Indeed, the subject has been +very near my thoughts lately. We'll arrange a little competition, and +let them know in the neighbouring countries; there'll be no lack of +candidates. Let me see, there's that seven-headed bull; he's getting +a little old now, but he was good enough for the last one. We +might——" +</P> + +<P> +"I don't want a suitor," said Hyacinth softly. "I have one." +</P> + +<P> +Merriwig leant forward with eagerness. +</P> + +<P> +"My dear, this is indeed news. Tell me all about it. Upon what quest +did you send him?" +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth had felt this coming. Had she lived in modern times she +would have expected the question, "What is his income?" A man must +prove his worth in some way. +</P> + +<P> +"I haven't sent him away at all yet," she said; "he's only just come. +He's been very kind to me, and I'm sure you'll love him." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, well, we'll arrange something for him. Perhaps that bull I was +speaking of—— By the way, who is he?" +</P> + +<P> +"He comes from Araby, and his name is——" +</P> + +<P> +"Udo, of course. Why didn't I think of him? An excellent +arrangement, my dear." +</P> + +<P> +"It isn't Udo, I'm afraid, Father. It's Coronel." +</P> + +<P> +"And who might Coronel be?" said the King, rather sternly. +</P> + +<P> +"He's—he's—well, he's—— Here he is, Father." She ran up to him +impulsively as he came in at the door. "Oh, Coronel, you're just in +time; do tell Father who you are." +</P> + +<P> +Coronel bowed profoundly to the King. +</P> + +<P> +"Before I explain myself, your Majesty," he said, "may I congratulate +your Majesty on your wonderful victory over the Barodians? From the +little I have gathered outside, it is the most remarkable victory that +has ever occurred. But of course I am longing to hear the full story +from your Majesty's own lips. Is it a fact that your Majesty made his +way at dead of night to the King of Barodia's own tent and challenged +him to mortal combat and slew him?" There was an eagerness, very +winning, in his eyes as he asked it; he seemed to be envying the King +such an adventure—an adventure after his own heart. +</P> + +<P> +Merriwig was in an awkward position. He wondered for a moment whether +to order his daughter out of the room. "Leave us, my child," he would +say. "These are matters for men to discuss." But Hyacinth would know +quite well why she had been sent out, and would certainly tell Coronel +the truth of the matter afterwards. +</P> + +<P> +It really looked as if Coronel would have to be let into the secret +too. He cleared his throat noisily by way of preparation. +</P> + +<P> +"There are certain state reasons," he said with dignity, "why that +story has been allowed to get about." +</P> + +<P> +"Pardon, your Majesty. I have no wish to——" +</P> + +<P> +"But as you know so much, you may as well know all. It happened like +this." Once more he told the story of his midnight visit, and of the +King's letter to him. +</P> + +<P> +"But, your Majesty," cried Coronel, "it is more wonderful than the +other. Never was such genius of invention, such brilliance and daring +of execution." +</P> + +<P> +"So you like it," said Merriwig, trying to look modest. +</P> + +<P> +"I love it." +</P> + +<P> +"I knew he'd love it," put in Hyacinth. "It's just the sort of story +that Coronel would love. Tell him about how you fought the King at +the beginning of the war, and how you pretended to be a swineherd, and +how—" +</P> + +<P> +Could any father have resisted? In a little while Hyacinth and +Coronel were seated eagerly at his feet, and he was telling once more +the great story of his adventures. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, well," said the King at the end of it, when he had received +their tribute of admiration. "Those are just a few of the little +adventures that happen in war time." He turned to Coronel. "And so +you, I understand, wish to marry my daughter?" +</P> + +<P> +"Does that surprise your Majesty?" +</P> + +<P> +"Well, no, it doesn't. And she, I understand, wishes to marry you." +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, please, Father." +</P> + +<P> +"That," said Coronel simply, "is much more surprising." +</P> + +<P> +Merriwig, however, was not so sure of that. He liked the look of +Coronel, he liked his manner, and he saw at once that he knew a good +story—when he heard one. +</P> + +<P> +"Of course," he said, "you'll have to win her." +</P> + +<P> +"Anything your Majesty sets me to do. It's as well," he added with a +disarming smile, "that you cannot ask for the whiskers of the King of +Barodia. There is only one man who could have got those." +</P> + +<P> +Truly an excellent young man. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, we'll arrange something," said Merriwig, looking pleased. +"Perhaps your Prince Udo would care to be a competitor too." +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth and Coronel interchanged a smile. +</P> + +<P> +"Alas, Father," she said, "his Royal Highness is not attracted by my +poor charms." +</P> + +<P> +"Wait till he has seen them, my dear," said Merriwig with a chuckle. +</P> + +<P> +"He has seen them, Father." +</P> + +<P> +"What? You invited him here? Tell me about this, Hyacinth. He came +to stay with you and he never——" +</P> + +<P> +"His Royal Highness," put in Coronel, "has given his affections to +another." +</P> + +<P> +"Aha! So that's the secret. Now I wonder if I can guess who she is. +What do you say to the Princess Elvira of Tregong? I know his father +had hopes in that direction." +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth looked round at Coronel as if appealing for his support. He +took a step towards her. +</P> + +<P> +"No, it's not the Princess Elvira," said Hyacinth, a little nervously. +</P> + +<P> +The King laughed good-humouredly. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, well, you must tell me," he said. +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth put out her hand, and Coronel pressed it encouragingly. +</P> + +<P> +"His Royal Highness Prince Udo," she said, "is marrying the Countess +Belvane." +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<A NAME="chap21"></A> +<img src="images/0385X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: A man surrounded by clouds of smoke]"> +</p> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XXI +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +A SERPENT COMING AFTER UDO +</H3> + +<P> +Belvane had now had twenty-four hours in which to think it over. +</P> + +<P> +Whatever her faults, she had a sense of humour. She could not help +smiling to herself as she thought of that scene in the garden. +However much she regretted her too hasty engagement, she was sure Udo +regretted it still more. If she gave him the least opportunity he +would draw back from it. +</P> + +<P> +Then why not give him the opportunity? "My dear Prince Udo, I'm +afraid I mistook the nature of my feelings"—said, of course, with +downcast head and a maidenly blush. Exit Udo with haste, enter King +Merriwig. It would be so easy. +</P> + +<P> +Ah, but then Hyacinth would have won. Hyacinth had forced the +engagement upon her; even if it only lasted for twenty-four hours, so +long as it was a forced engagement, Hyacinth would have had the better +of her for that time. But if she welcomed the engagement, if she +managed in some way to turn it to account, to make it appear as if she +had wanted it all the time, then Hyacinth's victory would be no +victory at all, but a defeat. +</P> + +<P> +Marry Udo, then, as if willingly? Yes, but that was too high a price +to pay. She was by this time thoroughly weary of him and besides, she +had every intention of marrying the King of Euralia. To pretend to +marry him until she brought the King in open conflict with him, and +then having led the King to her feet to dismiss the rival who had +served her turn—that was her only wise course. +</P> + +<P> +She did not come to this conclusion without much thought. She composed +an Ode to Despair, an Elegy to an Unhappy Woman, and a Triolet to +Interfering Dukes, before her mind was made up. She also considered +very seriously what she would look like in a little cottage in the +middle of the forest, dressed in a melancholy grey and holding +communion only with the birds and trees; a life of retirement away +from the vain world; a life into which no man came. It had its +attractions, but she decided that grey did not suit her. +</P> + +<P> +She went down to her garden and sent for Prince Udo. At about the +moment when the King was having the terrible news broken to him, Udo +was protesting over the sundial that he loved Belvane and Belvane +only, and that he was looking forward eagerly to the day when she +would make him the happiest of men. So afraid was he of what might +happen to him on the way back to Araby. +</P> + +<P> +"The Countess Belvane!" cried Merriwig. "Prince Udo marry the +Countess Belvane! I never heard such a thing in my life." He glared +at them one after the other as if it were their fault—as indeed it +was. "Why didn't you tell me this before, Hyacinth?" +</P> + +<P> +"It was only just announced, Father." +</P> + +<P> +"Who announced it?" +</P> + +<P> +"Well—er—Udo did," said Coronel. +</P> + +<P> +"I never heard of anything so ridiculous in my life! I won't have +it!" +</P> + +<P> +"But, Father, don't you think she'd make a very good Queen?" +</P> + +<P> +"She'd make a wonderful—that has nothing to do with it. What I feel +so strongly about is this. For month after month I am fighting in a +strange country. After extraordinary scenes of violence and—peril—I +come back to my own home to enjoy the—er—fruits of victory. No +sooner do I get inside my door than I have all this thrust upon me." +</P> + +<P> +"All what, Father?" said Hyacinth innocently. +</P> + +<P> +"All <i>this</i>," said the King, with a circular movement of his hand. +"It's too bad; upon my word it is. I won't have it. Now mind, +Hyacinth, I <i>won't</i> have it. +</P> + +<P> +"But, Father, how can I help it?" +</P> + +<P> +Merriwig paid no attention to her. +</P> + +<P> +"I come home," he went on indignantly, "fresh from the—er—spoils of +victory to what I thought was my own peaceful—er—home. And what do +I find? Somebody here wants to marry somebody there, and somebody +else over there wants to marry somebody else over here; it's +impossible to mention any person's name, in even the most casual way, +without being told they are going to get married, or some nonsense of +that sort. I'm very much upset about it." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Father!" said Hyacinth penitently. "Won't you see the Countess +yourself and talk to her?" +</P> + +<P> +"To think that for weeks I have been looking forward to my return home +and that now I should be met with this! It has quite spoilt my day." +</P> + +<P> +"Father!" cried Hyacinth, coming towards him with outstretched hands. +</P> + +<P> +"Let me send for her ladyship," began Coronel; "perhaps she——" +</P> + +<P> +"No, no," said Merriwig, waving them away. "I am very much displeased +with you both. What I have to do, I can do quite well by myself." +</P> + +<P> +He strode out and slammed the door behind him. +</P> + +<P> +Hyacinth and Coronel looked at each other blankly. +</P> + +<P> +"My dear," said Coronel, "you never told me he was as fond of her as +that." +</P> + +<P> +"But I had no idea! Coronel, what can we do now about it? Oh, I want +him to marry her now. He's quite right—she'll make a wonderful +Queen. Oh, my dear, I feel I want everybody to be as happy as we're +going to be." +</P> + +<P> +"They can't be that, but we'll do our best for them. I can manage Udo +all right. I only have to say 'rabbits' to him, and he'll do anything +for me. Hyacinth, I don't believe I've ever kissed you in this room +yet, have I? Let's begin now." +</P> + +<P> +Merriwig came upon the other pair of lovers in Belvane's garden. They +were sharing a seat there, and Udo was assuring the Countess that he +was her own little Udo-Wudo, and that they must never be away from +each other again. The King put his hand in front of his eyes for a +moment as if he could hardly bear it. +</P> + +<P> +"Why, it's his Majesty," said Belvane, jumping up. She gave him a +deep curtsey and threw in a bewitching smile on the top of it; +formality or friendliness, he could take his choice. "Prince Udo of +Araby, your Majesty." She looked shyly at him and added, "Perhaps you +have heard." +</P> + +<P> +"I have," said the King gloomingly. "How do you do," he added in a +melancholy voice. +</P> + +<P> +Udo declared that he was in excellent health at present, and would +have gone into particulars about it had not the King interrupted. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, Countess," he said, "this is strange news to come back to. +Shall I disturb you if I sit down with you for little?" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, your Majesty, you would honour us. Udo, dear, have you seen the +heronry lately?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," said Udo. +</P> + +<P> +"It looks so sweet just about this time of the afternoon." +</P> + +<P> +"It does," said Udo. +</P> + +<P> +Belvane gave a little shrug and turned to the King. +</P> + +<P> +"I'm so longing to hear all your adventures," she murmured +confidingly. "I got all your messages; it was so good of you to +remember me." +</P> + +<P> +"Ah," said Merriwig reproachfully, "and what do I find when I come +back? I find——" He broke off, and indicated in pantomime with his +eyebrows that he could explain better what he had found if Udo were +absent. +</P> + +<P> +"Udo, dear," said Belvane, turning to him, "have you seen the kennels +lately?" +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," said Udo. +</P> + +<P> +"They look rather sweet just about this time," said Merriwig. +</P> + +<P> +"Don't they?" said Udo. +</P> + +<P> +"But I am so longing to hear," said Belvane, "how your Majesty +defeated the King of Barodia. Was it your Majesty's wonderful spell +which overcame the enemy?" +</P> + +<P> +"You remember that?" +</P> + +<P> +"Remember it? Oh, your Majesty! '<i>Bo boll——</i>' Udo, dear, wouldn't +you like to see the armoury?" +</P> + +<P> +"No," said Udo. +</P> + +<P> +"There are a lot of new things in it that I brought back from +Barodia," said Merriwig hopefully. +</P> + +<P> +"A lot of new things," explained Belvane. +</P> + +<P> +"I'll see them later on," said Udo. "I dare say they'd look better in +the evening." +</P> + +<P> +"Then you shall show <i>me</i>, your Majesty," said Belvane. "Udo, dear, +you can wait for me here." +</P> + +<P> +The two of them moved off down the path together (Udo taken by +surprise), and as soon as they were out of sight, tiptoed across the +lawn to another garden seat, Belvane leading the way with her finger +to her lips, and Merriwig following with an exaggerated caution which +even Henry Smallnose would have thought overdone. +</P> + +<P> +"He is a little slow, isn't he, that young man?" said the King, as +they sat down together. "I mean he didn't seem to understand—" +</P> + +<P> +"He's such a devoted lover, your Majesty. He can't bear to be out of +my sight for a moment." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Belvane, this is a sad homecoming. For month after month I have +been fighting and toiling, and planning and plotting and then—— Oh, +Belvane, we were all so happy together before the war." +</P> + +<P> +Belvane remembered that once she and the Princess and Wiggs had been +so happy together, and that Udo's arrival had threatened to upset it +all. One way and another, Udo had been a disturbing element in +Euralia. But it would not do to let him go just yet. +</P> + +<P> +"Aren't we still happy together?" she asked innocently. "There's her +Royal Highness with her young Duke, and I have my dear Udo, and your +Majesty has the—the Lord Chancellor—and all your Majesty's faithful +subjects." +</P> + +<P> +His Majesty gave a deep sigh. +</P> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0396"></a> +<img src="images/0396.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Belvane leading the way with her finger to her lips]"> +<a name="img0397"></a> +<img src="images/0397.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Merriwig following with an exaggerated caution]"> +</P> + +<P> +"I am a very lonely man, Belvane. When Hyacinth leaves me I shall +have nobody left." +</P> + +<P> +Belvane decided to risk it. +</P> + +<P> +"Your Majesty should marry again," she said gently. +</P> + +<P> +He looked unutterable things at her. He opened his mouth with the +intention of doing his best to utter some of them, when—— +</P> + +<P> +"Not before Udo," said Belvane softly. +</P> + +<P> +Merriwig got up indignantly and scowled at the Prince as the latter +hurried over the lawn towards them. +</P> + +<P> +"Well, really," said Merriwig, "I never knew such a place. One simply +can't—— Ah, your Royal Highness, have you seen our armoury? I +should say," he corrected himself as he caught Belvane's reproachful +look, "have <i>we</i> seen our armoury? We have. Her ladyship was much +interested." +</P> + +<P> +"I have no doubt, your Majesty." He turned to Belvane. "You will be +interested in our armoury at home, dear." +</P> + +<P> +She gave a quick glance at the King to see that he was looking, and +then patted Udo's hand tenderly. +</P> + +<P> +"Home," she said lovingly, "how sweet it sounds!" +</P> + +<P> +The King shivered as if in pain, and strode quickly from them. +</P> + +<P> + * * * * *<BR> +</P> + +<P> +"Your Majesty sent for me," said Coronel. +</P> + +<P> +The King stopped his pacings and looked round as Coronel came into the +library. +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, yes, yes," he said quickly. "Now sit down there and make +yourself comfortable. I want to talk to you about this marriage." +</P> + +<P> +"Which one, your Majesty?" +</P> + +<P> +"Which one? Why, of course, yours—that is to say, +Belvane's—or—rather——" He came to a stop in front of Coronel and +looked at him earnestly. "Well, in a way, both." +</P> + +<P> +Coronel nodded. +</P> + +<P> +"You want to marry my daughter," Merriwig went on. "Now it is +customary, as you know, that to the person to whom I give my daughter, +I give also half my kingdom. Naturally before I make this sacrifice I +wish to be sure that the man to whom—well, of course, you +understand." +</P> + +<P> +"That he is worthy of the Princess Hyacinth," said Coronel. "Of +course he couldn't be," he added with a smile. +</P> + +<P> +"<i>And</i> worthy of half the kingdom," amended Merriwig. "That he should +prove himself this is also, I think, customary." +</P> + +<P> +"Anything that your Majesty suggests——" +</P> + +<P> +"I am sure of it." +</P> + +<P> +He drew up a chair next to Coronel's, and sitting down in it, placed +his hand upon his knees and explained the nature of the trial which +was awaiting the successful suitor. +</P> + +<P> +"In the ordinary way," he began, "I should arrange something for you +with a dragon or what-not in it. The knowledge that some such ordeal +lies before him often enables a suitor to discover, before it is too +late, that what he thought was true love is not really the genuine +emotion. In your case I feel that an ordeal of this sort is not +necessary." +</P> + +<P> +Coronel inclined his head gracefully. +</P> + +<P> +"I do not doubt your valour, and from you therefore I ask a proof of +your cunning. In these days cunning is perhaps the quality of all +others demanded of a ruler. We had an excellent example of that," he +went on carelessly, "in the war with Barodia that is just over, where +the whole conflict was settled by a little idea which——" +</P> + +<P> +"A very wonderful idea, your Majesty." +</P> + +<P> +"Well, well," said Merriwig, looking very pleased. "It just happened +to come off, that's all. But that is what I mean when I say that +cunning may be of even more importance than valour. In order to win +the hand of my daughter and half my kingdom, it will be necessary for +you to show a cunning almost more than human." +</P> + +<P> +He paused, and Coronel did his best in the interval to summon up a +look of superhuman guile into his very frank and pleasant countenance. +</P> + +<P> +"You will prove yourself worthy of what you ask me for," said Merriwig +solemnly, "by persuading Prince Udo to return to Araby—alone." +</P> + +<P> +Coronel gasped. The thing was so easy that it seemed almost a shame +to accept it as the condition of his marriage. To persuade Udo to do +what he was only longing to do, did not call for any superhuman +qualities of any kind. For a moment he had an impulse to tell the +King so, but he suppressed it. "After all," he thought, "if the King +wants cunning, and if I make a great business of doing something +absurdly easy, then he is getting it." +</P> + +<P> +Merriwig, simple man, mistook his emotions. +</P> + +<P> +"I see," he said, "that you are appalled by the difficulty of the +ordeal in front of you. You may well be so. You have known his Royal +Highness longer than I have, but even in our short acquaintance I have +discovered that he takes a hint with extraordinary slowness. To bring +it home to him with the right mixture of tact and insistence that +Araby needs his immediate presence—alone—may well tax the most +serpentine of minds." +</P> + +<P> +"I can but try it," said the serpentine one simply. +</P> + +<P> +The King jumped up and shook him warmly by the hand. +</P> + +<P> +"You think you can do it?" he said excitedly. +</P> + +<P> +"If Prince Udo does not start back to Araby to-morrow——" +</P> + +<P> +"Alone," said Merriwig. +</P> + +<P> +"Alone—then I shall have failed in my task." +</P> + +<P> + * * * * *<BR> +</P> + +<P> +"My dear," said the King to his daughter as she kissed him good-night +that evening, "I believe you are going to marry a very wise young +man." +</P> + +<P> +"Of course I am, Father." +</P> + +<P> +"I only hope you'll be as happy with him as I shall be with—as I was +with your mother. Though how he's going to bring it off," he added to +himself, "is more than I can think." +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<p class="noindent" align="center"> +<A NAME="chap22"></A> +<img src="images/0405X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Same image as for chapter 20]"> +</p> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +CHAPTER XXII +</H3> + +<H3 ALIGN="center"> +THE SEVENTEEN VOLUMES GO BACK AGAIN +</H3> + +<P> +King Merriwig of Eastern Euralia sat at breakfast on his castle walls. +He lifted the gold cover from the gold dish in front of him, selected +a trout, and conveyed it carefully to his gold plate. When you have +an aunt—— But I need not say that again. +</P> + +<P> +King Coronel of Western Euralia sat at breakfast on <i>his</i> castle +walls. He lifted the gold cover from the gold dish in front of him, +selected a trout, and conveyed it carefully to his gold plate. When +your wife's father has an aunt—— +</P> + +<P> +Prince Udo of Araby sat at breakfast—— But one must draw the line +somewhere. I refuse to follow Udo through any more meals. Indeed, I +think there has been quite enough eating and drinking in this book +already. Quite enough of everything in fact; but the time has nearly +come to say good-bye. +</P> + +<P> +Let us speed the Prince of Araby first. His departure from Euralia +was sudden; five minutes' conversation with Coronel convinced him that +there had been a mistake about Belvane's feelings for him, and that he +could leave for Araby in perfect safety. +</P> + +<P> +"You must come and see us again," said Merriwig heartily, as he shook +him by the hand. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes, do," said Hyacinth. +</P> + +<P> +There are two ways of saying this sort of thing, and theirs was the +second way. So was Udo's, when he answered that he would be +delighted. +</P> + +<P> +It was just a week later that the famous double wedding was celebrated +in Euralia. As an occasion for speech-making by King Merriwig and +largesse-throwing by Queen Belvane it demanded and (got) a whole +chapter to itself in Roger's History. I have Roger on my side at +last. The virtues he denied to the Countess he cannot but allow to +the Queen. +</P> + +<P> +Nor could Hyacinth resist her any longer. Belvane upon her palfrey, +laughter in her eyes and roses in her cheeks, her lips slightly parted +with eagerness as she flings her silver to the crowd, adorably +conscious of her childishness and yet glorifying in it, could have no +enemies that day. +</P> + +<P> +"She is a dear," said Hyacinth to Coronel. "She will make a wonderful +Queen." +</P> + +<P> +"I know a Queen worth two of her," said Coronel. +</P> + +<P> +"But you do admire her, don't you?" +</P> + +<P> +"Not particularly." +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, Coronel, you must," said Hyacinth, but she felt very happy all +the same. +</P> + +<P> +They rode off the next day to their kingdom. The Chancellor had had +an exciting week; for seven successive evenings he had been extremely +mysterious and reserved to his wife, but now his business was finished +and King Merriwig reigned over Eastern Euralia and King Coronel over +the West. +</P> + +<P> +Let us just take a look at Belvane's diary before we move on to the +last scene. +</P> + +<P> +"<i>Thursday, September 15th</i>," it says. "<i>Became good.</i>" +</P> + +<P> +Now for the last scene. +</P> + +<P> +King Merriwig sat in Belvane's garden. They had spent the morning +revising their joint book of poetry for publication. The first set of +verses was entirely Merriwig's own. It went like this: +</P> + +<P class="poem"> + <i>Bo, boll, bill, bole.</i> <BR> + <i>Wo, woll, will, wole.</i> <BR> +</P> + +<P> +A note by the authors called attention to the fact that it could be +begun from either end. The rest of the poems were mainly by Belvane, +Merriwig's share in them consisting of a "Capital," or an "I like +that," when they were read out to him; but an epic commonly attributed +to Charlotte Patacake had crept in somehow. +</P> + +<P> +"A person to see your Majesty," said a flunkey, appearing suddenly. +</P> + +<P> +"What sort of person?" asked Merriwig. +</P> + +<P> +"A sort of person, your Majesty." +</P> + +<P> +"See him here, dear," said Belvane, as she got up. "I have things to +do in the Palace." +</P> + +<P> +She left him; and by and by the flunkey returned with the stranger. +He was a pleasant-looking person with a round clean-shaven face; +something in the agricultural way, to judge from his clothes. +</P> + +<P> +"Well?" said Merriwig. +</P> + +<P> +"I desire to be your Majesty's swineherd," said the other. +</P> + +<P> +"What do you know of swineherding?" +</P> + +<P> +"I have a sort of natural aptitude for it, your Majesty, although I +have never actually been one." +</P> + +<P> +"My own case exactly. Now then, let me see—how would you——" +</P> + +<P> +The stranger took out a large red handkerchief and wiped his forehead. +</P> + +<P> +"You propose to ask me a few questions, your Majesty?" +</P> + +<P> +"Well, naturally, I——" +</P> + +<P> +"Let me beg of you not to. By all you hold sacred let me implore you +not to confuse me with questions." He drew himself up and thumped his +chest with his fist. "I have a feeling for swineherding; it is +enough." +</P> + +<P> +Merriwig began to like the man; it was just how he felt about the +thing himself. +</P> + +<P> +"I once carried on a long technical conversation with a swineherd," he +said reminiscently, "and we found we had much in common. It is an +inspiring life." +</P> + +<P> +"It was in just that way," said the stranger, "that I discovered my +own natural bent towards it." +</P> + +<P> +"How very odd! Do you know, there's something about your face that I +seem to recognise?" +</P> + +<P> +The stranger decided to be frank. +</P> + +<P> +"I owe this face to you," he said simply. +</P> + +<P> +Merriwig looked startled. +</P> + +<P> +"In short," said the other, "I am the late King of Barodia." +</P> + +<P> +Merriwig gripped his hand. +</P> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0412"></a> +<img src="images/0412.jpg" +alt="[Illustration: He was a pleasant-looking person, with a round clean-shaven face, verso]"> +<img src="images/0413.jpg" +alt="[Illustration: He was a pleasant-looking person, with a round clean-shaven face, recto]"> +</P> + +<P> +"My dear fellow," he said. "My very dear fellow, of course you are. +Dear me, how it brings it all back. And—may I say—what an +improvement. Really, I'm delighted to see you. You must tell me all +about it. But first some refreshment." +</P> + +<P> +At the word "refreshment" the late King of Barodia broke down +altogether, and it was only Merriwig's hummings and hawings and +thumpings on the back and (later on) the refreshment itself which kept +him from bursting into tears. +</P> + +<P> +"My dear friend," he said, as he wiped his mouth for the last time, +"you have saved me." +</P> + +<P> +"But what does it all mean?" asked Merriwig in bewilderment. +</P> + +<P> +"Listen and I will tell you," +</P> + +<P> +He told himself of the great resolution to which he had come on that +famous morning when he awoke to find himself whiskerless. Barodia had +no more use for him now as a King, and he on his side was eager to +carve out for himself a new life as a swineherd. +</P> + +<P> +"I had a natural gift," he said plaintively, "an instinctive feeling +for it. I know I had. Whatever they said about it afterwards—and +they said many hard things—I was certain that I had that feeling. I +had proved it, you know; there couldn't be any mistake." +</P> + +<P> +"Well?" +</P> + +<P> +"Ah, but they laughed at me. They asked me confusing questions; +niggling little questions about the things swine ate and—and things +like that. The great principles of swineherding, the—what I may call +the art of herding swine, the whole theory of shepherding pigs in a +broad-minded way, all this they ignored. They laughed at me and +turned me out with jeers and blows—to starve." +</P> + +<P> +Merriwig patted him sympathetically, and pressed some more food on +him. +</P> + +<P> +"I ranged over the whole of Barodia. Nobody would take me in. It is +a terrible thing, my dear Merriwig, to begin to lose faith in +yourself. I had to tell myself at last that perhaps there was +something about Barodian swine which made them different from those of +any other country. As a last hope I came to Euralia; if here too I +was spurned, then I should know that——" +</P> + +<P> +"Just a moment," said Merriwig, breaking in eagerly. "Who was this +swineherd that you talked to——" +</P> + +<P> +"I talked to so many," said the other sadly. "They all scoffed at +me." +</P> + +<P> +"No, but the first one; the one that showed you that you had a bent +towards it. Didn't you say that——" +</P> + +<P> +"Oh, that one. That was at the beginning of our war. Do you remember +telling me that your swineherd had an invisible cloak? It was he +that——" +</P> + +<P> +Merriwig looked at him sadly and shook his head. +</P> + +<P> +"My poor friend," he said, "it was me." +</P> + +<P> +They gazed at each other earnestly. Each of them was going over in +his mind the exact details of that famous meeting. +</P> + +<P> +"Yes," they murmured together, "it was us." +</P> + +<P> +The King of Barodia's mind raced on through all the bitter months that +had followed; he shivered as he thought of the things he had said; the +things that had been said to him seemed of small account now. +</P> + +<P> +"Not even a swineherd!" he remarked. +</P> + +<P> +"Come, come," said Merriwig, "look on the bright side; you can always +be a King again." +</P> + +<P> +The late King of Barodia shook his head. +</P> + +<P> +"It's a come down to a man with any pride," he said. "No, I'll stick +to my own job. After all, I've been learning these last weeks; at any +rate I know that what I do know isn't worth knowing, and that's +something." +</P> + +<P> +"Then stay with me," said Merriwig heartily. "My swineherd will teach +you your work, and when he retires you can take it on." +</P> + +<P> +"Do you mean it?" +</P> + +<P> +"Of course I do. I shall be glad to have you about the place. In the +evening, when the pigs are asleep, you can come in and have a chat +with us." +</P> + +<P> +"Bless you," said the new apprentice; "bless you, your Majesty." +</P> + +<P> +They shook hands on it. +</P> + +<P> +"My dear," said Merriwig to Belvane that evening, "you haven't married +a very clever fellow. I discovered this afternoon that I'm not even +as clever as I thought I was." +</P> + +<P> +"You don't want cleverness in a King," said Belvane, smiling lovingly +at him, "or in a husband." +</P> + +<P> +"What do you want then?" +</P> + +<P> +"Just dearness," said Belvane. +</P> + +<P> +</P> + +<P> +</P> + +<P> +And now my story is done. With a sigh I unload the seventeen volumes +of Euralian History from my desk, carrying them one by one across the +library and placing them carefully in the shelf which has been built +for them. For some months they have stood a rampart between me and +the world, behind which I have lived in far-off days with Merriwig and +Hyacinth and my Lady Belvane. The rampart is gone, and in the bright +light of to-day which streams on to my desk the vision slowly fades. +Once on a time . . +</P> + +<P> +Yet I see one figure clearly still. He is tall and thin, with a white +peaked face of which the long inquisitive nose is the outstanding +feature. His hair is lank and uncared for; his russet smock, tied in +at the waist, wants brushing; his untidy cross-gartered hose shows up +the meagerness of his legs. No knightly figure this, yet I look upon +him very tenderly. For it is Roger Scurvilegs on his way to the +Palace for news. +</P> + +<P> +To Roger too I must say good-bye. I say it not without remorse, for I +feel that I have been hard upon the man to whom I owe so much. +Perhaps it will not be altogether good-bye; in his seventeen volumes +there are many other tales to be found. Next time (if there be a next +time) I owe it to Roger to stand aside and let him tell the story more +in his own way. I think he would like that. +</P> + +<P> +But it shall not be a story about Belvane. I saw Belvane (or some one +like her) at a country house in Shropshire last summer, and I know +that Roger can never do her justice. +</P> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<a name="img0420X"></a> +<img src="images/0420X.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Roger Scurvilegs]"> +</p> + +<BR><BR><BR><BR> + +<P class="noindent" align="center"> +<img src="images/0422.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Back endpaper, verso]"> +<img src="images/0423.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Back endpaper, recto]"> +</P> + +<BR><BR><BR> + +<p class="noindent" align="right"> +<img src="images/0424.jpg" alt="[Illustration: Back cover]"> +</p> + +<BR><BR><BR><BR> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Once on a Time, by A. A. 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A. Milne + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Once on a Time + +Author: A. A. Milne + +Illustrator: Charles Robinson + +Release Date: January 11, 2009 [EBook #27771] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ONCE ON A TIME *** + + + + +Produced by K Hindall <kkh2@cornell.edu> from a PDF at +archive.org +<http://www.archive.org/details/onceontime00miln> and +edited by Padraig O hIceadha. + + + + + + + + + +Transcriber's Note: + +This text was typed for Project Gutenberg by K Hindall +<kkh2_AT_cornell.edu> from a PDF at archive.org +<http://www.archive.org/details/onceontime00miln> and edited by +Padraig O hIceadha. + + + + +ONCE ON A TIME + +_By_ + +A.A. Milne + + + +DECORATED + +BY CHARLES + +ROBINSON + + + +GROSSET & DUNLAP + +Publishers New York + +By Arrangement with G. P. Putnam's Sons + + + + +Copyright, 1922 + +by + +A. A. Milne + + + +PREFACE + +This book was written in 1915, for the amusement of my wife and myself +at a time when life was not very amusing; it was published at the end +of 1917; was reviewed, if at all, as one of a parcel, by some brisk +uncle from the Tiny Tots Department; and died quietly, without +seriously detracting from the interest which was being taken in the +World War, then in progress. + +It may be that the circumstances in which the book was written have +made me unduly fond of it. When, as sometimes happens, I am +introduced to a stranger who starts the conversation on the right +lines by praising, however insincerely, my books, I always say, "But +you have not read the best one." Nine times out of ten it is so. The +tenth takes a place in the family calendar; St. Michael or St. Agatha, +as the case may be, a red-letter or black-letter saint, according to +whether the book was bought or borrowed. But there are few such +saints, and both my publisher and I have the feeling (so common to +publishers and authors) that there ought to be more. So here comes +the book again, in a new dress, with new decorations, yet much, as far +as I am concerned, the same book, making the same appeal to me; but, +let us hope, a new appeal, this time, to others. + +For whom, then, is the book intended? That is the trouble. Unless I +can say, "For those, young or old, who like the things which I like," +I find it difficult to answer. Is it a children's book? Well, what +do we mean by that? Is _The Wind in the Willows_ a children's book? +Is _Alice in Wonderland?_ Is _Treasure Island?_ These are +masterpieces which we read with pleasure as children, but with how +much more pleasure when we are grown-up. In any case what do we mean +by "children"? A boy of three, a girl of six, a boy of ten, a girl of +fourteen--are they all to like the same thing? And is a book +"suitable for a boy of twelve" any more likely to please a boy of +twelve than a modern novel is likely to please a man of thirty-seven; +even if the novel be described truly as "suitable for a man of +thirty-seven"? I confess that I cannot grapple with these difficult +problems. + +But I am very sure of this: that no one can write a book which +children will like, unless he write it for himself first. That being +so, I shall say boldly that this is a story for grown-ups. How +grown-up I did not realise until I received a letter from an unknown +reader a few weeks after its first publication; a letter which said +that he was delighted with my clever satires of the Kaiser, Mr. Lloyd +George and Mr. Asquith, but he could not be sure which of the +characters were meant to be Mr. Winston Churchill and Mr. Bonar Law. +Would I tell him on the enclosed postcard? I replied that they were +thinly disguised on the title-page as Messrs. Hodder & Stoughton. In +fact, it is not that sort of book. + +But, as you see, I am still finding it difficult to explain just what +sort of book it is. Perhaps no explanation is necessary. Read in it +what you like; read it to whomever you like; be of what age you like; +it can only fall into one of two classes. Either you will enjoy it, +or you won't. + +It is that sort of book. + +A. A. Milne. + + + +CONTENTS + +I.--The King of Euralia has a Visitor to Breakfast + +II.--The Chancellor of Barodia has a Long Walk Home + +III.--The King of Euralia Draws his Sword + +IV.--The Princess Hyacinth Leaves it to the Countess + +V.--Belvane Indulges her Hobby + +VI.--There are no Wizards in Barodia + +VII.--The Princess Receives a Letter and Writes One + +VIII.--Prince Udo Sleeps Badly + +IX.--They are Afraid of Udo + +X.--Charlotte Patacake Astonishes the Critics + +XI.--Watercress Seems to go with the Ears + +XII.--We Decide to Write to Udo's Father + +XIII.--"Pink" Rhymes with "Think" + +XIV.--"Why Can't you be like Wiggs?" + +XV.--There is a Lover Waiting for Hyacinth + +XVI.--Belvane Enjoys Herself + +XVII.--The King of Barodia Drops the Whisker Habit + +XVIII.--The Veteran of the Forest Entertains Two Very Young People + +XIX.--Udo Behaves Like a Gentleman + +XX.--Coronel Knows a Good Story when he Hears it + +XXI.--A Serpent Coming after Udo + +XXII.--The Seventeen Volumes go back Again + + + +ILLUSTRATIONS + +A Map of Euralia showing the Adjacent Country of Barodia and the +far-distant Araby + +He was a Man of Simple Tastes + +"Most extraordinary," said the King + +He found the King nursing a Bent Whisker and in the very Vilest of +Tempers + +"Try it on me," cried the Countess + +Five Times he had come back to give her his Last Instructions + +Armed to the Teeth, Amazon after Amazon marched by + +When the Respective Armies returned to Camp they found Their Majesties +asleep + +The Rabbit was gone, and there was a Fairy in front of her + +As Evening fell they came to a Woodman's Cottage at the Foot of a High +Hill + +"Coronel, here I am," said Udo pathetically, and he stepped out + +Twenty-one Minutes later Henrietta Crossbuns was acknowledging a Bag +of Gold + +Princess Hyacinth gave a Shriek and faltered slowly backwards + +"Now we can talk," said Hyacinth + +He forgot his Manners, and made a Jump towards her + +She glided gracefully behind the Sundial in a Pretty Affectation of +Alarm + +When anybody of Superior Station or Age came into the Room she rose +and curtsied + +And then she danced + +"Good Morning," said Belvane + +The Tent seemed to swim before his Eyes, and he knew no more + +She turned round and went off daintily down the Hill + +Let me present to you my friend the Duke Coronel + +As the Towers of the Castle came in sight, Merriwig drew a Deep Breath +of Happiness + +Belvane leading the Way with her Finger to her Lips + +Merriwig following with an Exaggerated Caution + +He was a Pleasant-looking Person, with a Round Clean-shaven Face + +Roger Scurvilegs + + + +[Frontispiece: A Map of Euralia showing the Adjacent Country of +Barodia and the far-distant Araby] + + + +CHAPTER I + +THE KING OF EURALIA HAS A VISITOR TO BREAKFAST + +[Illustration: _He was a Man of Simple Tastes_] + +King Merriwig of Euralia sat at breakfast on his castle walls. He +lifted the gold cover from the gold dish in front of him, selected a +trout and conveyed it carefully to his gold plate. He was a man of +simple tastes, but when you have an aunt with the newly acquired gift +of turning anything she touches to gold, you must let her practise +sometimes. In another age it might have been fretwork. + +"Ah," said the King, "here you are, my dear." He searched for his +napkin, but the Princess had already kissed him lightly on the top of +the head, and was sitting in her place opposite to him. + +"Good morning, Father," she said; "I'm a little late, aren't I? I've +been riding in the forest." + +"Any adventures?" asked the King casually. + +"Nothing, except it's a beautiful morning." + +"Ah, well, perhaps the country isn't what it was. Now when I was a +young man, you simply couldn't go into the forest without an adventure +of some sort. The extraordinary things one encountered! Witches, +giants, dwarfs----. It was there that I first met your mother," he +added thoughtfully. + +"I wish I remembered my mother," said Hyacinth. + +The King coughed and looked at her a little nervously. + +"Seventeen years ago she died, Hyacinth, when you were only six months +old. I have been wondering lately whether I haven't been a little +remiss in leaving you motherless so long." + +The Princess looked puzzled. "But it wasn't your fault, dear, that +mother died." + +"Oh, no, no, I'm not saying that. As you know, a dragon carried her +off and--well, there it was. But supposing"--he looked at her +shyly--"I had married again." + +The Princess was startled. + +"Who?" she asked. + +The King peered into his flagon. "Well," he said, "there _are_ +people." + +"If it had been somebody _very_ nice," said the Princess wistfully, +"it might have been rather lovely." + +The King gazed earnestly at the outside of his flagon. + +"Why 'might have been?'" he said. + +The Princess was still puzzled. "But I'm grown up," she said; "I +don't want a mother so much now." + +The King turned his flagon round and studied the other side of it. + +"A mother's--er--tender hand," he said, "is--er--never----" and then +the outrageous thing happened. + +It was all because of a birthday present to the King of Barodia, and +the present was nothing less than a pair of seven-league boots. The +King being a busy man, it was a week or more before he had an +opportunity of trying those boots. Meanwhile he used to talk about +them at meals, and he would polish them up every night before he went +to bed. When the great day came for the first trial of them to be +made, he took a patronising farewell of his wife and family, ignored +the many eager noses pressed against the upper windows of the Palace, +and sailed off. The motion, as perhaps you know, is a little +disquieting at first, but one soon gets used to it. After that it is +fascinating. He had gone some two thousand miles before he realised +that there might be a difficulty about finding his way back. The +difficulty proved at least as great as he had anticipated. For the +rest of that day he toured backwards and forwards across the country; +and it was by the merest accident that a very angry King shot in +through an open pantry window in the early hours of the morning. He +removed his boots and went softly to bed. . . . + +It was, of course, a lesson to him. He decided that in the future he +must proceed by a recognised route, sailing lightly from landmark to +landmark. Such a route his Geographers prepared for him--an early +morning constitutional, of three hundred miles or so, to be taken ten +times before breakfast. He gave himself a week in which to recover +his nerve and then started out on the first of them. + +[Illustration: _"Most extraordinary," said the King_] + +Now the Kingdom of Euralia adjoined that of Barodia, but whereas +Barodia was a flat country, Euralia was a land of hills. It was +natural then that the Court Geographers, in search of landmarks, +should have looked towards Euralia; and over Euralia accordingly, +about the time when cottage and castle alike were breakfasting, the +King of Barodia soared and dipped and soared and dipped again. + + * * * * * + +"A mother's tender hand," said the King of Euralia, +"is--er--never--good gracious! What's that?" + +There was a sudden rush of air; something came for a moment between +his Majesty and the sun; and then all was quiet again. + +"What was it?" asked Hyacinth, slightly alarmed. + +"Most extraordinary," said the King. "It left in my mind an +impression of ginger whiskers and large boots. Do we know anybody +like that?" + +"The King of Barodia," said Hyacinth, "has red whiskers, but I don't +know about his boots." + +"But what could he have been doing up there? Unless----" + +There was another rush of wind in the opposite direction; once more +the sun was obscured, and this time, plain for a moment for all to +see, appeared the rapidly dwindling back view of the King of Barodia +on his way home to breakfast. + +Merriwig rose with dignity. + +"You're quite right, Hyacinth," he said sternly; "it _was_ the King of +Barodia." + +Hyacinth looked troubled. + +"He oughtn't to come over anybody's breakfast table quite so quickly +as that. Ought he, Father?" + +"A lamentable display of manners, my dear. I shall withdraw now and +compose a stiff note to him. The amenities must be observed." + +Looking as severe as a naturally jovial face would permit him, and +wondering a little if he had pronounced "amenities" right, he strode +to the library. + +The library was his Majesty's favourite apartment. Here in the +mornings he would discuss affairs of state with his Chancellor, or +receive any distinguished visitors who were to come to his kingdom in +search of adventure. Here in the afternoon, with a copy of _What to +say to a Wizard_ or some such book taken at random from the shelves, +he would give himself up to meditation. + +And it was the distinguished visitors of the morning who gave him most +to think about in the afternoon. There were at this moment no fewer +than seven different Princes engaged upon seven different enterprises, +to whom, in the event of a successful conclusion, he had promised the +hand of Hyacinth and half his kingdom. No wonder he felt that she +needed the guiding hand of a mother. + +The stiff note to Barodia was not destined to be written. He was +still hesitating between two different kinds of nib, when the door was +flung open and the fateful name of the Countess Belvane was announced. + +The Countess Belvane! What can I say which will bring home to you +that wonderful, terrible, fascinating woman? Mastered as she was by +overweening ambition, utterly unscrupulous in her methods of achieving +her purpose, none the less her adorable humanity betrayed itself in a +passion for diary-keeping and a devotion to the simpler forms of +lyrical verse. That she is the villain of the piece I know well; in +his _Euralia Past and Present_ the eminent historian, Roger +Scurvilegs, does not spare her; but that she had her great qualities I +should be the last to deny. + +She had been writing poetry that morning, and she wore green. She +always wore green when the Muse was upon her: a pleasing habit which, +whether as a warning or an inspiration, modern poets might do well to +imitate. She carried an enormous diary under her arm; and in her mind +several alternative ways of putting down her reflections on her way to +the Palace. + +"Good morning, dear Countess," said the King, rising only too gladly +from his nibs; "an early visit." + +"You don't mind, your Majesty?" said the Countess anxiously. "There +was a point in our conversation yesterday about which I was not quite +certain----" + +"What _were_ we talking about yesterday?" + +"Oh, your Majesty," said the Countess, "affairs of state," and she +gave him that wicked, innocent, impudent, and entirely scandalous look +which he never could resist, and you couldn't either for that matter. + +"Affairs of state, of course," smiled the King. + +"Why, I made a special note of it in my diary." + +She laid down the enormous volume and turned lightly over the pages. + +"Here we are! '_Thursday._ His Majesty did me the honour to consult +me about the future of his daughter, the Princess Hyacinth. Remained +to tea and was very----' I can't quite make this word out." + +"Let _me_ look," said the King, his rubicund face becoming yet more +rubicund. "It looks like 'charming,'" he said casually. + +"Fancy!" said Belvane. "Fancy my writing that! I put down just what +comes into my head at the time, you know." She made a gesture with +her hand indicative of some one who puts down just what comes into her +head at the time, and returned to her diary. "'Remained to tea, and +was very charming. Mused afterwards on the mutability of life!'" She +looked up at him with wide-open eyes. "I often muse when I'm alone," +she said. + +The King still hovered over the diary. + +"Have you any more entries like--like that last one? May I look?" + +"Oh, your Majesty! I'm afraid it's _quite_ private." She closed the +book quickly. + +"I just thought I saw some poetry," said the King. + +"Just a little ode to a favourite linnet. It wouldn't interest your +Majesty." + +"I adore poetry," said the King, who had himself written a rhymed +couplet which could be said either forwards or backwards, and in the +latter position was useful for removing enchantments. According to +the eminent historian, Roger Scurvilegs, it had some vogue in Euralia +and went like this: + + "_Bo, boll, bill, bole._ + _Wo, woll, will, wole._" + +A pleasing idea, temperately expressed. + +The Countess, of course, was only pretending. Really she was longing +to read it. "It's quite a little thing," she said. + + "_Hail to thee, blithe linnet,_ + _Bird thou clearly art,_ + _That from bush or in it_ + _Pourest thy full heart!_ + _And leads the feathered choir in song_ + _Taking the treble part._" + +"Beautiful," said the King, and one must agree with him. Many years +after, another poet called Shelley plagiarised the idea, but handled +it in a more artificial, and, to my way of thinking, decidedly +inferior manner. + +"Was it a real bird?" said the King. + +"An old favourite." + +"Was it pleased about it?" + +"Alas, your Majesty, it died without hearing it." + +"Poor bird!" said his Majesty; "I think it would have liked it." + +Meanwhile Hyacinth, innocent of the nearness of a mother, remained on +the castle walls and tried to get on with her breakfast. But she made +little progress with it. After all, it _is_ annoying continually to +look up from your bacon, or whatever it is, and see a foreign monarch +passing overhead. Eighteen more times the King of Barodia took +Hyacinth in his stride. At the end of the performance, feeling rather +giddy, she went down to her father. + +She found him alone in the library, a foolish smile upon his face, but +no sign of a letter to Barodia in front of him. + +"Have you sent the Note yet?" she asked. + +"Note? Note?" he said, bewildered, "what--oh, you mean the Stiff Note +to the King of Barodia? I'm just planning it, my love. The exact +shade of stiffness, combined with courtesy, is a little difficult to +hit." + +"I shouldn't be too courteous," said Hyacinth; "he came over eighteen +more times after you'd gone." + +"Eighteen, eighteen, eight--my dear, it's outrageous." + +"I've never had such a crowded breakfast before." + +"It's positively insulting, Hyacinth. This is no occasion for Notes. +We will talk to him in a language that he will understand." + +And he went out to speak to the Captain of his Archers. + + + +CHAPTER II + +THE CHANCELLOR OF BARODIA HAS A LONG WALK HOME + +Once more it was early morning on the castle walls. + +The King sat at his breakfast table, a company of archers drawn up in +front of him. + +"Now you all understand," he said. "When the King of Baro--when a +certain--well, when I say 'when,' I want you all to fire your arrows +into the air. You are to take no aim; you are just to shoot your +arrows upwards, and--er--I want to see who gets highest. Should +anything--er--should anything brush up against them on their way--not +of course that it's likely--well, in that case--er--in that case +something will--er--brush up against them. After all, what _should?_" + +"Quite so, Sire," said the Captain, "or rather, not at all." + +"Very well. To your places." + +Each archer fitted an arrow to his bow and took up his position. A +look-out man had been posted. Everything was ready. + +The King was decidedly nervous. He wandered from one archer to +another asking after this man's wife and family, praising the polish +on that man's quiver, or advising him to stand with his back a little +more to the sun. Now and then he would hurry off to the look-out man +on a distant turret, point out Barodia on the horizon to him, and +hurry back again. + +The look-out knew all about it. + +"Royalty over," he bellowed suddenly. + +"When!" roared the King, and a cloud of arrows shot into the air. + +"Well done!" cried Hyacinth, clapping her hands. "I mean, how could +you? You might have hurt him." + +"Hyacinth," said the King, turning suddenly; "you here?" + +"I have just come up. Did you hit him?" + +"Hit who?" + +"The King of Barodia, of course." + +"The King of---- My dear child, what could the King of Barodia be +doing here? My archers were aiming at a hawk that they saw in the +distance." He beckoned to the Captain. "Did you hit that hawk?" he +asked. + +"With one shot only, Sire. In the whisk--in the tail feathers." + +The King turned to Hyacinth. + +"With one shot only in the whisk--in the tail feathers," he said. +"What was it, my dear, that you were saying about the King of +Barodia?" + +"Oh, Father, you are bad. You hit the poor man right in the whisker." + +"His Majesty of Barodia! And in the whisker! My dear child, this is +terrible! But what can he have been doing up there? Dear, dear, this +is really most unfortunate. I must compose a note of apology about +this." + +"I should leave the first note to him," said Hyacinth. + +"Yes, yes, you're right. No doubt he will wish to explain how he came +to be there. Just a moment, dear." + +He went over to his archers, who were drawn up in line +again. + +"You may take your men down now," he said to the Captain. + +"Yes, your Majesty." + +His Majesty looked quickly round the castle walls, and then leant +confidentially towards the Captain. + +"Er--which was the man who--er"-- he fingered his cheek--"er--quite +so. The one on the left? Ah, yes." He went to the man on the left +and put a bag of gold into his hand. + +"You have a very good style with the bow, my man. Your wrist action +is excellent. I have never seen an arrow go so high." + +The company saluted and withdrew. The King and Hyacinth sat down to +breakfast. + +"A little mullet, my dear?" he said. + + * * * * * + +The Hereditary Grand Chancellor of Barodia never forgot that morning, +nor did he allow his wife to forget it. His opening, "That reminds +me, dear, of the day when----" though the signal of departure for any +guests, allowed no escape for his family. They had to have it. + +And indeed it was a busy day for him. Summoned to the Palace at nine +o'clock, he found the King nursing a bent whisker and in the very +vilest of tempers. His Majesty was for war at once, the Chancellor +leant towards the Stiff Note. + +"At least, your Majesty," he begged, "let me consult the precedents +first." + +"There is no precedent," said the King coldly, "for such an outrage as +this." + +"Not precisely, Sire; but similar unfortunate occurrences +have--occurred." + +"It was worse than an occurrence." + +"I should have said an outrage, your Majesty. Your late lamented +grandfather was unfortunate enough to come beneath the spell of the +King of Araby, under which he was compelled--or perhaps I should say +preferred--to go about on his hands and knees for several weeks. Your +Majesty may recall how the people in their great loyalty adopted a +similar mode of progression. Now although your Majesty's case is not +precisely on all fours----" + +"Not at all on all fours," said the King coldly. + +"An unfortunate metaphor; I should say that although your Majesty's +case is not parallel, the procedure adopted in your revered +grandfather's case----" + +"I don't care what _you_ do with your whiskers; I don't care what +_anybody_ does with his whiskers," said the King, still soothing his +own tenderly; "I want the King of Euralia's blood." He looked round +the Court. "To any one who will bring me the head of the King, I will +give the hand of my daughter in marriage." + +There was a profound silence. . . . + +"Which daughter?" said a cautious voice at last. + +"The eldest," said the King. + +There was another profound silence. . . . + +[Illustration: _He found the King nursing a bent whisker and in the +very vilest of tempers_] + +"My suggestion, your Majesty," said the Chancellor, "is that for the +present there should be merely an exchange of Stiff Notes; and that +meanwhile we scour the kingdom for an enchanter who shall take some +pleasant revenge for us upon his Majesty of Euralia. For instance, +Sire, a king whose head has been permanently fixed on upside-down +lacks somewhat of that regal dignity which alone can command the +respect of his subjects. A couple of noses, again, placed at +different angles, so they cannot both be blown together----" + +"Yes, yes," said the King impatiently, "_I'll_ think of the things, if +once you can find the enchanter. But they are not so common nowadays. +Besides, enchanters are delicate things to work with. They have a +habit of forgetting which side they are on." + +The Chancellor's mouth drooped piteously. + +"Well," said the King condescendingly, "I'll tell you what we'll do. +You may send _one_ Stiff Note and then we will declare war." + +"Thank you, your Majesty," said the Chancellor. + +So the Stiff Note was dispatched. It pointed out that his Majesty of +Barodia, while in the act of taking his early morning constitutional, +had been severely insulted by an arrow. This arrow, though +fortunately avoiding the more vital parts of his Majesty's person, +went so far as to wound a favourite whisker. For this the fullest +reparation must be made . . . and so forth and so on. + +Euralia's reply was not long delayed. It expressed the deepest +concern at the unhappy accident which had overtaken a friendly +monarch. On the morning in question, his Majesty had been testing his +archers in a shooting competition at a distant hawk; which +competition, it might interest his Majesty of Barodia to know, had +been won by Henry Smallnose, a bowman of considerable promise. In the +course of the competition it was noticed that a foreign body of some +sort brushed up against one of the arrows, but as this in no way +affected the final placing of the competitors, little attention was +paid to it. His Majesty of Barodia might rest assured that the King +had no wish to pursue the matter farther. Indeed, he was always glad +to welcome his Barodian Majesty on these occasions. Other shooting +competitions would be arranged from time to time, and if his Majesty +happened to be passing at the moment, the King of Euralia hoped that +he would come down and join them. Trusting that her Majesty and their +Royal Highnesses were well, . . . and so on and so forth. + +The Grand Chancellor of Barodia read this answer to his Stiff Note +with a growing feeling of uneasiness. It was he who had exposed his +Majesty to this fresh insult; and, unless he could soften it in some +way, his morning at the Palace might be a painful one. + +As he entered the precincts, he wondered whether the King would be +wearing the famous boots, and whether they kicked seven leagues as +easily as they strode them. He felt more and more that there were +notes which you could break gently, and notes which you +couldn't. . . . + +Five minutes later, as he started on his twenty-one mile walk home, he +realised that this was one of the ones which you couldn't. + + * * * * * + +This, then, was the real reason of the war between Euralia and +Barodia. I am aware that in saying this I differ from the eminent +historian, Roger Scurvilegs. In Chapter IX of his immortal work, +_Euralia Past and Present_, he attributes the quarrel between the two +countries to quite other causes. The King of Barodia, he says, +demanded the hand of the Princess Hyacinth for his eldest son. The +King of Euralia made some commonplace condition as that his Royal +Highness should first ride his horse up a glassy mountain in the +district, a condition which his Majesty of Barodia strongly resented. +I am afraid that Roger is incurably romantic; I have had to speak to +him about it before. There was nothing of the sentimental in the whole +business, and the facts are exactly as I have narrated them. + + + +CHAPTER III + +THE KING OF EURALIA DRAWS HIS SWORD + +No doubt you have already guessed that it was the Countess Belvane who +dictated the King of Euralia's answer. Left to himself, Merriwig +would have said, "Serve you jolly well right for stalking over my +kingdom." His repartee was never very subtle. Hyacinth would have +said, "Of course we're _awfully_ sorry, but a whisker isn't _very_ +bad, is it? and you really _oughtn't_ to come to breakfast without +being asked." The Chancellor would have scratched his head for a long +time, and then said, "Referring to Chap VII, Para 259 of the _King's +Regulations_ we notice . . ." + +But Belvane had her own way of doing things; and if you suggest that +she wanted to make Barodia's declaration of war inevitable, well, the +story will show whether you are right in supposing that she had her +reasons. It came a little hard on the Chancellor of Barodia, but the +innocent must needs suffer for the ambitions of the unprincipled--a +maxim I borrow from _Euralia Past and Present;_ Roger in his moral +vein. + +"Well," said Merriwig to the Countess, "that's done it." + +"It really is war?" asked Belvane. + +"It is. Hyacinth is looking out my armour at this moment." + +"What did the King of Barodia say?" + +"He didn't _say_ anything. He wrote 'W A R' in red on a dirty bit of +paper, pinned it to my messenger's ear, and sent him back again." + +"How very crude," said the Countess. + +"Oh, I thought it was--er--rather forcible," said the King awkwardly. +Secretly he had admired it a good deal and wished that he had been the +one to do it. + +"Of course," said the Countess, with a charming smile, "that sort of +thing depends so _very_ much on who does it. Now from your Majesty it +would have seemed--dignified." + +"He must have been very angry," said the King, picking up first one +and then another of a number of swords which lay in front of him. "I +wish I had seen his face when he got my Note." + +"So do I," sighed the Countess. She wished it much more than the +King. It is the tragedy of writing a good letter that you cannot be +there when it is opened: a maxim of my own, the thought never having +occurred to Roger Scurvilegs, who was a dull correspondent. + +The King was still taking up and putting down his swords. + +"It's very awkward," he muttered; "I wonder if Hyacinth----" He went +to the door and called "Hyacinth!" + +"Coming, Father," called back Hyacinth, from a higher floor. + +The Countess rose and curtsied deeply. + +"Good morning, your Royal Highness." + +"Good morning, Countess," said Hyacinth brightly. She liked the +Countess (you couldn't help it), but rather wished she didn't. + +"Oh, Hyacinth," said the King, "come and tell me about these swords. +Which is my magic one?" + +Hyacinth looked at him blankly. + +"Oh, Father," she said. "I don't know at all. Does it matter very +much?" + +"My dear child, of course it matters. Supposing I am fighting the +King of Barodia and I have my magic sword, then I'm bound to win. +Supposing I haven't, then I'm not bound to." + +"Supposing you both had magic swords," said Belvane. It was the sort +of thing she _would_ say. + +The King looked up slowly at her and began to revolve the idea in his +mind. + +"Well, really," he said, "I hadn't thought of that. Upon my word, +I----" He turned to his daughter. "Hyacinth, what would happen if we +both had magic swords?" + +"I suppose you'd go on fighting for ever," said Hyacinth. + +"Or until the magic wore out of one of them," said Belvane innocently. + +"There must be something about it somewhere," said the King, whose +morning was in danger of being quite spoilt by this new suggestion; +"I'd ask the Chancellor to look it up, only he's so busy just now." + +"He'd have plenty of time while the combat was going on," said Belvane +thoughtfully. Wonderful creature! she saw already the Chancellor +hurrying up to announce that the King of Euralia had won, at the very +moment when he lay stretched on the ground by a mortal thrust from his +adversary. + +The King turned to his swords again. + +"Well, anyway, I'm going to be sure of _mine_," he said. "Hyacinth, +haven't you _any_ idea which it is?" He added in rather a hurt voice, +"Naturally I left the marking of my swords to _you_." + +His daughter examined the swords one by one. + +"Here it is," she cried. "It's got 'M' on it for 'magic.'" + +"Or 'Merriwig,'" said the Countess to her diary. + +The expression of joy on the King's face at his daughter's discovery +had just time to appear and fade away again. + +"You are not being very helpful this morning, Countess," he said +severely. + +Instantly the Countess was on her feet, her diary thrown to the +floor--no, never thrown--laid gently on the floor, and herself, hands +clasped at her breast, a figure of reproachful penitence before him. + +"Oh, your Majesty, forgive me--if your Majesty had only asked me--I +didn't know your Majesty wanted me--I thought her Royal Highness---- +But _of course_ I'll find your Majesty's sword for you." Did she +stroke his head as she said this? I have often wondered. It would be +like her impudence, and her motherliness, and her---and, in fact, like +her. _Euralia Past and Present_ is silent upon the point. Roger +Scurvilegs, who had only seen Belvane at the unimpressionable age of +two, would have had it against her if he could, so perhaps there is +nothing in it. + +"There!" she said, and she picked out the magic sword almost at once. + +[Illustration: _"Try it on me," cried the Countess_] + +"Then I'll get back to my work," said Hyacinth cheerfully, and left +them to each other. + +The King, smiling happily, girded on his sword. But a sudden doubt +assailed him. + +"Are you sure it's the one?" + +"Try it on _me_," cried the Countess superbly, falling on her knees +and stretching up her arms to him. The toe of her little shoe touched +her diary; its presence there uplifted her. Even as she knelt she saw +herself describing the scene. How do you spell "offered"? she +wondered. + +I think the King was already in love with her, though he found it so +difficult to say the decisive words. But even so he could only have +been in love a week or two; a fortnight in the last forty years; and +he had worn a sword since he was twelve. In a crisis it is the old +love and not the greater love which wins (Roger's, but I think I agree +with him), and instinctively the King drew his sword. If it were +magic a scratch would kill. Now he would know. + +Her enemies said that the Countess could not go pale; she had her +faults, but this was not one of them. She whitened as she saw the +King standing over her with drawn sword. A hundred thoughts chased +each other through her mind. She wondered if the King would be sorry +afterwards; she wondered what the minstrels would sing of her, and if +her diary would ever be made public; most of all she wondered why she +had been such a fool, such a melodramatic fool. + +The King came to himself with a sudden start. Looking slightly +ashamed he put his sword back in its scabbard, coughed once or twice +to cover his confusion, and held his hand out to the Countess to +assist her to rise. + +"Don't be absurd, Countess," he said. "As if we could spare you at a +time like this. Sit down and let us talk matters over seriously." + +A trifle bewildered by the emotions she had gone through, Belvane sat +down, the beloved diary clasped tightly in her arms. Life seemed +singularly sweet just then, the only drawback being that the minstrels +would not be singing about her after all. Still, one cannot have +everything. + +The King walked up and down the room as he talked. + +"I am going away to fight," he said, "and I leave my dear daughter +behind. In my absence, her Royal Highness will of course rule the +country. I want her to feel that she can lean upon you, Countess, for +advice and support. I know that I can trust you, for you have just +given me a great proof of your devotion and courage." + +"Oh, your Majesty!" said Belvane deprecatingly, but feeling very glad +that it hadn't been wasted. + +"Hyacinth is young and inexperienced. She needs a--a----" + +"A mother's guiding hand," said Belvane softly. + +The King started and looked away. It was really too late to propose +now; he had so much to do before the morrow. Better leave it till he +came back from the war. + +"You will have no official position," he went on hastily, "other than +your present one of Mistress of the Robes; but your influence on her +will be very great." + +The Countess had already decided on this. However there _is_ a look +of modest resignation to an unsought duty which is suited to an +occasion of this kind, and the Countess had no difficulty in supplying +it. + +"I will do all that I can, your Majesty, to help--gladly; but will not +the Chancellor----" + +"The Chancellor will come with me. He is no fighter, but he is good +at spells." He looked round to make sure that they were alone, and +then went on confidentially, "He tells me that he has discovered in +the archives of the palace a Backward Spell of great value. Should he +be able to cast this upon the enemy at the first onslaught, he thinks +that our heroic army would have no difficulty in advancing." + +"But there will be other learned men," said Belvane innocently, "so +much more accustomed to affairs than us poor women, so much better +able"--("What nonsense I'm talking," she said to herself)--"to advise +her Royal Highness----" + +"Men like that," said the King, "I shall want with me also. If I am +to invade Barodia properly I shall need every man in the kingdom. +Euralia must be for the time a country of women only." He turned to +her with a smile and said gallantly, "That will be--er---- It +is--er--not--er----. One may well--er----" + +It was so obvious from his manner that something complimentary was +struggling to the surface of his mind, that Belvane felt it would be +kinder not to wait for it. + +"Oh, your Majesty," she said, "you flatter my poor sex." + +"Not at all," said the King, trying to remember what he had said. He +held out his hand. "Well, Countess, I have much to do." + +"I, too, your Majesty." + +She made him a deep curtsey and, clasping tightly the precious diary, +withdrew. + +The King, who still seemed worried about something, returned to his +table and took up his pen. Here Hyacinth discovered him ten minutes +later. His table was covered with scraps of paper and, her eyes +lighting casually upon one of them, she read these remarkable words: + +"_In such a land I should be a most contented subject._" + +She looked at some of the others. They were even shorter: + +"_That, dear Countess, would be my----_" + +"_A country in which even a King----_" + +"_Lucky country!_" + +The last was crossed out and "_Bad_" written against it. + +"Whatever are these, Father?" said Hyacinth. + +The King jumped up in great confusion. + +"Nothing, dear, nothing," he said. "I was just--er---- Of course I +shall have to address my people, and I was just jotting down a few---- +However, I shan't want them now." He swept them together, screwed +them up tight, and dropped them into a basket. + +And what became of them? you ask. Did they light the fires of the +Palace next morning? Well, now, here's a curious thing. In Chapter X +of _Euralia Past and Present_ I happened across these words: + +"The King and all the men of the land having left to fight the wicked +Barodians, Euralia was now a country of women only--_a country in +which even a King might be glad to be a subject_." + +Now what does this mean? Is it another example of literary theft? I +have already had to expose Shelley. Must I now drag into the light of +day a still worse plagiarism by Roger Scurvilegs? The waste-paper +baskets of the Palace were no doubt open to him as to so many +historians. But should he not have made acknowledgments? + +I do not wish to be hard on Roger. That I differ from him on many +points of historical fact has already been made plain, and will be +made still more plain as my story goes on. But I have a respect for +the man; and on some matters, particularly those concerning Prince Udo +of Araby's first appearance in Euralia, I have to rely entirely upon +him for my information. Moreover I have never hesitated to give him +credit for such of his epigrams as I have introduced into this book, +and I like to think that he would be equally punctilious to others. +We know his romantic way; no doubt the thought occurred to him +independently. Let us put it at that, anyhow. + +Belvane, meanwhile, was getting on. The King had drawn his sword on +her and she had not flinched. As a reward she was to be the power +behind the throne. + +"Not necessarily _behind_ the throne," said Belvane to herself. + + + +CHAPTER IV + +THE PRINCESS HYACINTH LEAVES IT TO THE COUNTESS + +It is now time to introduce Wiggs to you, and I find myself in a +difficulty at once. What _was_ Wiggs's position in the Palace? + +This story is hard to tell, for I have to piece it together from the +narratives of others, and to supply any gaps in their stories from my +knowledge of how the different characters might be expected to act. +Perhaps, therefore, it is a good moment in which to introduce to you +the authorities upon whom I rely. + +First and foremost, of course, comes Roger Scurvilegs. His monumental +work, _Euralia Past and Present_, in seventeen volumes, towers upon my +desk as I write. By the merest chance I picked it up (in a +metaphorical sense) at that little shop near--I forget its name, but +it's the third bookshop on the left as you come into London from the +New Barnet end. Upon him I depend for the broad lines of my story, +and I have already indicated my opinion of the value of his work. + +Secondly, come the many legends and ballads handed on to me years ago +by my aunt by marriage, one of the Cornish Smallnoses. She claims to +be a direct descendant of that Henry Smallnose whose lucky shot +brought about the events which I am to describe. I say she claims to +be, and one cannot doubt a lady's word in these matters; certainly she +used to speak about Henry with that mixture of pride and extreme +familiarity which comes best from a relation. In all matters not +touching Henry, I feel that I can rely upon her; in its main lines her +narrative is strictly confirmed by Scurvilegs, and she brought to it a +picturesqueness and an appreciation of the true character of Belvane +which is lacking in the other; but her attitude towards Henry +Smallnose was absurd. Indeed she would have had him the hero of the +story. This makes Roger and myself smile. We give him credit for the +first shot, and then we drop him. + +Thirdly, Belvane herself. Women like Belvane never die, and I met her +(or a reincarnation of her) at a country house in Shropshire last +summer. I forget what she calls herself now, but I recognised her at +once; and, as I watched her, the centuries rolled away and she and I +were in Euralia, that pleasant country, together. "Stayed to tea and +was very charming." Would she have said that of me, I wonder? But +I'm getting sentimental--Roger's great fault. + +These then are my authorities; I consult them, and I ask myself, What +was Wiggs? + +Roger speaks of her simply as an attendant upon the Princess. Now we +know that the Princess was seventeen; Wiggs then would be about the +same age--a lady-in-waiting--perhaps even a little older. Why not? +you say. The Lady Wiggs, maid-of-honour to her Royal Highness the +Princess Hyacinth, eighteen and a bit, tall and stately. Since she is +to endanger Belvane's plans, let her be something of a match for the +wicked woman. + +Yes, but you would never talk like that if you had heard one of my +aunt's stories. Nor if you had seen Belvane would you think that any +grown-up woman could be a match for her. + +Wiggs was a child; I feel it in my bones. In all the legends and +ballads handed down to me by my aunt she appears to me as a little +girl--Alice in a fairy story. Roger or no Roger I must have her a +child. + +And even Roger cannot keep up the farce that she is a real +lady-in-waiting. In one place he tells us that she dusts the throne +of the Princess; can you see her ladyship, eighteen last February, +doing that? At other times he allows her to take orders from the +Countess; I ask you to imagine a maid-of-honour taking orders from any +but her own mistress. Conceive her dignity! + +A little friend, then, of Hyacinth's, let us say; ready to do anything +for anybody who loved, or appeared to love, her mistress. + +The King had departed for the wars. His magic sword girded to his +side, his cloak of darkness, not worn but rolled up behind him, lest +the absence of his usual extensive shadow should disturb his horse, he +rode at the head of his men to meet the enemy. Hyacinth had seen him +off from the Palace steps. Five times he had come back to give her +his last instructions, and a sixth time for his sword, but now he was +gone, and she was alone on the castle walls with Wiggs. + +"Saying good-bye to fathers is very tiring," said Hyacinth. "I do +hope he'll be all right. Wiggs, although we oughtn't to mention it to +anybody, and although he's only just gone, we do think it will be +rather fun being Queen, don't we?" + +"It must be lovely," said Wiggs, gazing at her with large eyes. "Can +you really do whatever you like now?" + +Hyacinth nodded. + +"I always _did_ whatever I liked," she said, "But now I really _can_ +do it." + +"Could you cut anybody's head off?" + +"Easily," said the Princess confidently. + +"I should hate to cut anybody's head off." + +"So should I, Wiggs. Let's decide to have no heads off just at +present--till we're more used to it." + +Wiggs still kept her eyes fixed upon the Princess. + +"Which is stronger," she asked, "you or a Fairy?" + +"I knew you were going to ask something horrid like that," said +Hyacinth, pretending to be angry. She looked quickly round to see +that nobody was listening, and then whispered in Wiggs's ear, "I am." + +"O--oh!" said Wiggs. "How lovely!" + +"Isn't it? Did you ever hear the story of Father and the Fairy?" + +"His Majesty?" + +"His Majesty the King of Euralia. It happened in the forest one day +just after he became King." + +Did _you_ ever hear the story? I expect not. Well, then, you must +hear it. But there will be too many inverted commas in it if I let +Hyacinth tell you, so I shall tell you myself. + +[Illustration: _Five times he had come back to give her his last +instructions_] + +It was just after he became King. He was so proud that he used to go +about saying, "I am the King. I am the King." And sometimes, "The +King am I. The King I am." He was saying this one day in the forest +when a Fairy overheard him. So she appeared in front of him and said, +"I believe you are the King?" + +"I am the King," said Merriwig. "I am the King, I am the----" + +"And yet," said the Fairy, "what is a King after all?" + +"It is a very powerful thing to be a King," said Merriwig proudly. + +"Supposing I were to turn you into a--a small sheep. Then where would +you be?" + +The King thought anxiously for a moment. + +"I should like to be a small sheep," he said. + +The Fairy waved her wand. + +"Then you can be one," she said, "until you own that a Fairy is much +more powerful than a King." + +So all at once he was a small sheep. + +"Well?" said the Fairy. + +"Well?" said the King. + +"Which is more powerful, a King or a Fairy?" + +"A King," said Merriwig. "Besides being more woolly," he added. + +There was silence for a little. Merriwig began to eat some grass. + +"I don't think much of Fairies," he said with his mouth full. "I +don't think they're very powerful." + +The Fairy looked at him angrily. + +"They can't make you say things you don't want to say," he explained. + +The Fairy stamped her foot. + +"Be a toad," she said, waving her wand. "A nasty, horrid, crawling +toad." + +"I've _always_ wanted--" began Merriwig--"to be a toad," he ended from +lower down. + +"Well?" said the Fairy. + +"I don't think much of Fairies," said the King. "I don't think +they're very powerful." He waited for the Fairy to look at him, but +she pretended to be thinking of something else. After waiting a +minute or two, he added, "They can't make you say things you don't +want to say." + +The Fairy stamped her foot still more angrily, and moved her wand a +third time. + +"Be silent!" she commanded. "And stay silent for ever!" + +There was no sound in the forest. The Fairy looked at the blue sky +through the green roof above her; she looked through the tall trunks +of the trees to the King's castle beyond; her eyes fell upon the +little glade on her left, upon the mossy bank on her right . . . but +she would not look down to the toad at her feet. + +No, she wouldn't. . . . + +She _wouldn't_. . . . + +And yet---- + +It was too much for her. She could resist no longer. She looked at +the nasty, horrid, crawling toad, the dumb toad at her feet that was +once a King. + +And, catching her eye, the toad--_winked_. + +Some winks are more expressive than others. The Fairy knew quite well +what this one meant. It meant: + +"I don't think much of Fairies. I don't think they're very powerful. +They can't make you say things you don't want to say." + +The Fairy waved her wand in disgust. + +"Oh, be a King again," she said impatiently, and vanished. + +And so that is the story of how the King of Euralia met the Fairy in +the forest. Roger Scurvilegs tells it well--indeed, almost as well as +I do--but he burdens it with a moral. You must think it out for +yourself; I shall not give it to you. + +Wiggs didn't bother about the moral. Her elbows on her knees, her +chin resting on her hands, she gazed at the forest and imagined the +scene to herself. + +"How wonderful to be a King like that!" she thought. + +"That was a long time ago," explained Hyacinth. "Father must have +been rather lovely in those days," she added. + +"It was a very bad Fairy," said Wiggs. + +"It was a very stupid one. I wouldn't have given in to Father like +that." + +"But there are good Fairies, aren't there? I met one once." + +"You, child? Where?" + +I don't know if it would have made any difference to Euralian history +if Wiggs had been allowed to tell about her Fairy then; as it was, she +didn't tell the story till later on, when Belvane happened to be near. +I regret to say that Belvane listened. It was the sort of story that +_always_ got overheard, she explained afterwards, as if that were any +excuse. On this occasion she was just too early to overhear, but in +time to prevent the story being told without her. + +"The Countess Belvane," said an attendant, and her ladyship made a +superb entry. + +"Good morning, Countess," said Hyacinth. + +"Good morning, your Royal Highness. Ah, Wiggs, sweet child," she +added carelessly, putting out a hand to pat the sweet child's head, +but missing it. + +"Wiggs was just telling me a story," said the Princess. + +"Sweet child," said Belvane, feeling vaguely for her with the other +hand. "_Could_ I interrupt the story with a little business, your +Royal Highness?" + +At a nod from the Princess, Wiggs withdrew. + +"Well?" said Hyacinth nervously. + +Belvane had always a curious effect on the Princess when they were +alone together. There was something about her large manner which made +Hyacinth feel like a schoolgirl who has been behaving badly: alarmed +and apologetic. I feel like this myself when I have an interview with +my publishers, and Roger Scurvilegs (upon the same subject) drags in a +certain uncle of his before whom (so he says) he always appears at his +worst. It is a common experience. + +"Just one or two little schemes to submit to your Majesty," said the +Countess. "How silly of me--I mean, your Royal Highness. Of course +your Royal Highness may not like them at all, but in case your Royal +Highness did, I just--well, I just wrote them out." + +She unfolded, one by one, a series of ornamental parchments. + +"They are beautifully written," said the Princess. + +Belvane blushed at the compliment. She had a passion for coloured +inks and rulers. In her diary the day of the week was always +underlined in red, the important words in the day's doings being +frequently picked out in gold. On taking up the diary you saw at once +that you were in the presence of somebody. + +The first parchment was headed: + +SCHEME FOR ECONOMY IN REALM + +"Economy" caught the eye in pale pink. The next parchment was headed: + +SCHEME FOR SAFETY OF REALM + +"Safety" clamoured to you in blue. + +The third parchment was headed: + +SCHEME FOR ENCOURAGEMENT OF LITERATURE IN REALM + +"Encouragement of Literature" had got rather cramped in the small +quarters available for it. A heading, Belvane felt, should be in one +line; she had started in letters too big for it, and the fact that the +green ink was giving out made it impossible to start afresh. + +There were ten parchments altogether. + +By the end of the third one, the Princess began to feel uncomfortable. + +By the end of the fifth one she knew that it was a mistake her ever +having come into the Royal Family at all. + +By the end of the seventh she decided that if the Countess would +forgive her this time she would never be naughty again. + +By the end of the ninth one she was just going to cry. + +The tenth one was in a very loud orange and was headed: + +SCHEME FOR ASSISTING CALISTHENICS IN REALM + +"Yes," said the Princess faintly; "I think it would be a good idea." + +"I thought if your Royal Highness approved," said Belvane, "we might +just----" + +Hyacinth felt herself blushing guiltily--she couldn't think why. + +"I leave it to you, Countess," she murmured. "I am sure you know +best." + +It was a remark which she would never have made to her Father. + + + +CHAPTER V + +BELVANE INDULGES HER HOBBY + +In a glade in the forest the Countess Belvane was sitting: her throne, +a fallen log, her courtiers, that imaginary audience which was always +with her. For once in her life she was nervous; she had an anxious +morning in front of her. + +I can tell you the reason at once. Her Royal Highness was going to +review her Royal Highness's Army of Amazons (see _Scheme II, Safety of +Realm_). In half an hour she would be here. + +And why not? you say. Could anything be more gratifying? + +I will tell you why not. There was no Army of Amazons. In order that +her Royal Highness should not know the sad truth, Belvane drew their +pay for them. 'Twas better thus. + +In any trouble Belvane comforted herself by reading up her diary. She +undid the enormous volume, and, idly turning the pages, read some of +the more delightful extracts to herself. + +"_Monday, June 1st_," she read. "Became bad." + +She gave a sigh of resignation to the necessity of being bad. Roger +Scurvilegs is of the opinion that she might have sighed a good many +years before. According to him she was born bad. + +"_Tuesday, June 2nd_," she read on. "Realised in the privacy of my +heart that I was destined to rule the country. _Wednesday, June 3rd._ +Decided to oust the Princess. _Thursday, June 4th._ Began ousting." + +What a confession for any woman--even for one who had become bad last +Monday! No wonder Belvane's diary was not for everybody. Let us look +over her shoulder and read some more of the wicked woman's +confessions. + +"_Friday, June 5th._ Made myself a----" Oh, that's quite private. +However we may read this: "_Thought for the week._ Beware lest you +should tumble down In reaching for another's crown." An admirable +sentiment which Roger Scurvilegs would have approved, although he +could not have rhymed it so neatly. + +The Countess turned on a few more pages and prepared to write up +yesterday's events. + +"_Tuesday, June 23rd_," she said to herself. "Now what happened? +Acclaimed with enthusiasm outside the Palace--how do you spell +'enthusiasm'?" She bit the end of her pencil and pondered. She +turned back the pages till she came to the place. + +"Yes," she said thoughtfully. "It had three 's's' last time, so it's +'z's' turn." + +She wrote "enthuzziazm" lightly in pencil; later on it would be picked +out in gold. + +She closed the diary hastily. Somebody was coming. + +It was Wiggs. + +"Oh, if you please, your Ladyship, her Royal Highness sent me to tell +you that she would be here at eleven o'clock to review her new army." + +It was the last thing of which Belvane wanted reminding. + +"Ah, Wiggs, sweet child," she said, "you find me overwhelmed." She +gave a tragic sigh. "Leader of the Corps de Ballet"--she indicated +with her toe how this was done, "Commander-in-Chief of the Army of +Amazons"--here she saluted, and it was certainly the least she could +do for the money, "Warden of the Antimacassars and Grand Mistress of +the Robes, I have a busy life. Just come and dust this log for her +Royal Highness. All this work wears me out, Wiggs, but it is my duty +and I do it." + +"Woggs says you make a very good thing out of it," said Wiggs +innocently, as she began to dust. "It must be nice to make very good +things out of things." + +The Countess looked coldly at her. It is one thing to confide to your +diary that you are bad, it's quite another to have Woggsseses shouting +it out all over the country. + +"I don't know what Woggs is," said Belvane sternly, "but send it to me +at once." + +As soon as Wiggs was gone, Belvane gave herself up to her passions. +She strode up and down the velvety sward, saying to herself, "Bother! +Bother! Bother! Bother!" Her outbreak of violence over, she sat +gloomily down on the log and abandoned herself to despair. Her hair +fell in two plaits down her back to her waist; on second thoughts she +arranged them in front--if one is going to despair one may as well do +it to the best advantage. + +Suddenly a thought struck her. + +"I am alone," she said. "Dare I soliloquise? I will. It is a thing +I have not done for weeks. 'Oh, what a----" She got up quickly. +"_Nobody_ could soliloquise on a log like that," she said crossly. +She decided she could do it just as effectively when standing. With +one pale hand raised to the skies she began again. + +"Oh, what a--" + +"Did you call me, Mum?" said Woggs, appearing suddenly. + +"_Bother!_" said Belvane. She gave a shrug of resignation. "Another +time," she told herself. She turned to Woggs. + +Woggs must have been quite close at hand to have been found by Wiggs +so quickly, and I suspect her of playing in the forest when she ought +to have been doing her lessons, or mending stockings, or whatever made +up her day's work. Woggs I find nearly as difficult to explain as +Wiggs; it is a terrible thing for an author to have a lot of people +running about his book, without any invitation from him at all. +However, since Woggs is there, we must make the best of her. I fancy +that she was a year or two younger than Wiggs and of rather inferior +education. Witness her low innuendo about the Lady Belvane, and the +fact that she called a Countess "Mum." + +"Come here," said Belvane. "Are you what they call Woggs?" + +"Please, Mum," said Woggs nervously. + +The Countess winced at the "Mum," but went on bravely. "What have you +been saying about me?" + +"N--Nothing, Mum." + +Belvane winced again, and said, "Do you know what I do to little girls +who say things about me? I cut their heads off; I----" She tried to +think of something very alarming! "I--I stop their jam for tea. I--I +am _most_ annoyed with them." + +Woggs suddenly saw what a wicked thing she had done. + +"Oh, please, Mum," she said brokenly and fell on her knees. + +"_Don't_ call me 'Mum,'" burst out Belvane. "It's so _ugly_. Why do +you suppose I ever wanted to be a countess at all, Woggs, if it wasn't +so as not to be called 'Mum' any more?" + +"I don't know, Mum," said Woggs. + +Belvane gave it up. The whole morning was going wrong anyhow. + +"Come here, child," she sighed, "and listen. You have been a very +naughty girl, but I'm going to let you off this time, and in return +I've something you are going to do for me." + +"Yes, Mum," said Woggs. + +Belvane barely shuddered now. A sudden brilliant plan had come to +her. + +"Her Royal Highness is about to review her Army of Amazons. It is a +sudden idea of her Royal Highness's, and it comes at an unfortunate +moment, for it so happens that the Army is--er----" _What_ was the +Army doing? Ah, yes--"manoeuvring in a distant part of the country. +But we must not disappoint her Royal Highness. What then shall we do, +Woggs?" + +"I don't know, Mum," said Woggs stolidly. + +Not having expected any real assistance from her, the Countess went +on, "I will tell you. You see yonder tree? Armed to the teeth _you_ +will march round and round it, giving the impression to one on this +side of a large army passing. For this you will be rewarded. Here +is----" She felt in the bag she carried. "No, on second thoughts I +will owe it to you. Now you quite understand?" + +"Yes, Mum," said Woggs. + +"Very well, then. Run along to the Palace and get a sword and a +helmet and a bow and an arrow and an--an arrow and anything you like, +and then come back here and wait behind those bushes. When I clap my +hands the army will begin to march." + +Woggs curtsied and ran off. + +It is probable that at this point the Countess would have resumed her +soliloquy, but we shall never know, for the next moment the Princess +and her Court were seen approaching from the other end of the glade. +Belvane advanced to meet them. + +"Good morning, your Royal Highness," she said, "a beautiful day, is it +not?" + +"Beautiful, Countess." + +With the Court at her back, Hyacinth for the moment was less nervous +than usual, but almost at the first words of the Countess she felt her +self-confidence oozing from her. Did I say I was like this with my +publishers? And Roger's dragged-in Uncle----one can't explain it. + +The Court stood about in picturesque attitudes while Belvane went on: + +"Your Royal Highness's brave Women Defenders, the Home Defence Army of +Amazons" (here she saluted; one soon gets into the knack of it, and it +gives an air of efficiency) "have looked forward to this day for +weeks. How their hearts fill with pride at the thought of being +reviewed by your Royal Highness!" + +She had paid, or rather received, the money for the Army so often that +she had quite got to believe in its existence. She even kept a roll of +the different companies (it meant more delightful red ink for one +thing), and wrote herself little notes recommending Corporal Gretal +Hottshott for promotion to sergeant. + +"I know very little about armies, I'm afraid," said Hyacinth. "I've +always left that to my father. But I think it's a sweet idea of yours +to enrol the women to defend me. It's a little expensive, is it not?" + +"Your Royal Highness, armies are _always_ expensive." + +The Princess took her seat, and beckoned Wiggs with a smile to her +side. The Court, in attitudes even more picturesque than before, +grouped itself behind her. + +"Is your Royal Highness ready?" + +"Quite ready, Countess." + +The Countess clapped her hands. + +There was a moment's hesitation, and then, armed to the teeth, Amazon +after Amazon marched by. . . . + +An impressive scene. . . . + +However, Wiggs must needs try to spoil it. + +"Why, it's Woggs!" she cried. + +"Silly child!" said Belvane in an undertone, giving her a push. + +The Princess looked round inquiringly. + +"The absurd creature," explained the Countess, "thought she recognized +a friend in your Royal Highness's gallant Army." + +"How clever of her! They all look exactly alike to _me_." + +Belvane was equal to the occasion. + +"The uniform and discipline of an army have that effect rather," she +said. "It has often been noticed." + +"I suppose so," said the Princess vaguely. "Oughtn't they to march in +fours? I seem to remember, when I came to reviews with Father----" + +"Ah, your Royal Highness, that was an army of men. With women--well, +we found that if they marched side by side, they _would_ talk all the +time." + +The Court, which had been resting on the right leg with the left knee +bent, now rested on the left leg with the right knee bent. Woggs also +was getting tired. The last company of the Army of Amazons was not +marching with the abandon of the first company. + +[Illustration: _Armed to the teeth, Amazon after Amazon marched by_] + +"I think I should like them to halt now so that I can address them," +said Hyacinth. + +Belvane was taken aback for the moment. + +"I am afraid, your--your Royal Highness," she stammered, her brain +working busily all the time, "that that would be contrary to--to--to +the spirit of--er--the King's Regulations. An army--an army in +marching order--must--er--_march_." She made a long forward movement +with her hand. "Must march," she repeated, with an innocent smile. + +"I see," said Hyacinth, blushing guiltily again. + +Belvane gave a loud cough. The last veteran but two of the Army +looked inquiringly at her and passed. The last veteran but one came +in and was greeted with a still louder cough. Rather tentatively the +last veteran of all entered and met such an unmistakable frown that it +was obvious that the march-past was over. . . . Woggs took off her +helmet and rested in the bushes. + +"That is all, your Royal Highness," said Belvane. "158 marches past, +217 reported sick, making 622; 9 are on guard at the Palace--632 and 9 +make 815. Add 28 under age and we bring it up to the round thousand." + +Wiggs opened her mouth to say something, but decided that her mistress +would probably wish to say it instead. Hyacinth, however, merely +looked unhappy. + +Belvane came a little nearer. + +"I--er--forgot if I mentioned to your Royal Highness that we are +paying out today. One silver piece a day and several days in the +week, multiplied by--how many did I say?--comes to ten thousand pieces +of gold." She produced a document, beautifully ruled. "If your Royal +Highness would kindly initial here----" + +Mechanically the Princess signed. + +"Thank you, your Royal Highness. And now perhaps I had better go and +see about it at once." + +She curtsied deeply, and then, remembering her position, saluted and +marched off. + +Now Roger Scurvilegs would see her go without a pang; he would then +turn over to his next chapter, beginning "Meanwhile the King----," and +leave you under the impression that the Countess Belvane was a common +thief. I am no such chronicler as that. At all costs I will be fair +to my characters. + +Belvane, then, had a weakness. She had several of which I have +already told you, but this is another one. She had a passion for the +distribution of largesse. + +I know an old gentleman who plays bowls every evening. He trundles +his skip (or whatever he calls it) to one end of the green, toddles +after it, and trundles it back again. Think of him for a moment, and +then think of Belvane on her cream-white palfrey tossing a bag of gold +to right of her and flinging a bag of gold to left of her, as she +rides through the cheering crowds; upon my word I think hers is the +more admirable exercise. + +And, I assure you, no less exacting. When once one has got into this +habit of "flinging" or "tossing" money, to give it in any ordinary +way, to slide it gently into the palm, is unbearable. Which of us who +has, in an heroic moment, flung half a crown to a cabman can ever be +content afterwards to hold out a handful of three-penny bits and +coppers to him? One must always be flinging. . . . + +So it was with Belvane. The largesse habit had got hold of her. It +is an expensive habit, but her way of doing it was less expensive than +most. The people were taxed to pay for the Amazon Army; the pay of +the Amazon Army was flung back at them; could anything be fairer? + +True, it brought her admiration and applause. But what woman does not +like admiration? Is that an offence? If it is, it is something very +different from the common theft of which Roger Scurvilegs would accuse +her. Let us be fair. + + + +CHAPTER VI + +THERE ARE NO WIZARDS IN BARODIA + +Meanwhile "the King of Euralia was prosecuting the war with utmost +vigour." + +So says Roger in that famous chapter of his, and certainly Merriwig +was very busy. + +On the declaration of war the Euralian forces, in accordance with +custom, had marched into Barodia. However hot ran the passion between +them, the two Kings always preserved the elementary courtesies of war. +The last battle had taken place in Euralian territory; this time, +therefore, Barodia was the scene of the conflict. To Barodia, then, +King Merriwig had led his army. Suitable pasture land had been +allotted them as a camping ground, and amid the cheers of the Barodian +populace the Euralians made their simple preparations for the night. + +The two armies had now been sitting opposite to each other for some +weeks, but neither side had been idle. On the very first morning +Merriwig had put on his Cloak of Darkness and gone to the enemy's camp +to explore the situation. Unfortunately the same idea had occurred at +the same moment to the King of Barodia. He also had his Cloak of +Darkness. + +Half way across, to the utmost astonishment of both, the two Kings had +come violently into contact. Realising that they had met some +unprecedented enchantment, they had hurried home after the recoil to +consult their respective Chancellors. The Chancellors could make +nothing of it. They could only advise their Majesties to venture +another attempt on the following morning. + +"But by a different route," said the Chancellors, "whereby the Magic +Pillar shall be avoided." + +So by the more southerly path the two Kings ventured out next morning. +Half way across there was another violent collision, and both Kings +sat down suddenly to think it out. + +"Wonder of wonders," said Merriwig. "There is a magic wall stretching +between the two armies." + +"He stood up and holding up his hand said impressively: + + "_Bo, boll, bill, bole._ + _Wo, woll----_" + +"Mystery of mysteries!" cried the King of Barodia. "It can----" + +He stopped suddenly. Both Kings coughed. They were remembering with +some shame their fright of yesterday. + +"Who are you?" said the King of Barodia. + +Merriwig saw that there was need to dissemble. + +"His Majesty's swineherd," he said, in what he imagined might be a +swineherd's voice. + +"Er--so am I," said the King of Barodia, rather feebly. + +There was obviously nothing for it but for them to discuss swine. + +Merriwig was comfortably ignorant of the subject. The King of Barodia +knew rather less than that. + +"Er--how many have you?" asked the latter. + +"Seven thousand," said Merriwig at random. + +"Er--so have I," said the King of Barodia, still more feebly. + +"Couples," explained Merriwig. + +"Mine are ones," said the King of Barodia, determined to be +independent at last. + +Each King was surprised to find how easy it was to talk to an expert +on his own subject. The King of Barodia, indeed, began to feel +reckless. + +"Well," he said, "I must be getting back. It's--er--milking time." + +"So must I," said Merriwig. "By the way," he added, "what do you feed +yours on?" + +The King of Barodia was not quite sure if it was apple sauce or not. +He decided that perhaps it wasn't. + +"That's a secret," he said darkly. "Been handed down from generation +to generation." + +Merriwig could think of nothing better to say to this than "Ah!" He +said it very impressively, and with a word of farewell returned to his +camp. + +He was in brilliant form over the wassail bowl that night as he drew a +picture of his triumphant dissimulation. It is only fair to say that +the King of Barodia was in brilliant form too. . . . + +For several weeks after this the battle raged. Sometimes the whole +Euralian army would line up outside its camp and call upon the +Barodians to fight; at other times the Barodian army would form fours +in full view of the Euralians in the hope of provoking a conflict. At +intervals the two Chancellors would look up old spells, scour the +country for wizards, or send each other insulting messages. At the +end of a month it was difficult to say which side had obtained the +advantage. + +A little hill surmounted by a single tree lay half way between the two +camps. Thither one fine morning came the two Kings and the two +Chancellors on bloody business bent. (The phrase is Roger's.) Their +object was nothing less than to arrange that personal fight between +the two monarchs which was always a feature of Barodo-Euralian +warfare. The two Kings having shaken hands, their Chancellors +proceeded to settle the details. + +"I suppose," said the Chancellor of Barodia, "that your Majesties will +wish to fight with swords?" + +"Certainly," said the King of Barodia promptly; so promptly that +Merriwig felt certain that he had a Magic Sword too. + +"Cloaks of Darkness are not allowed, of course," said the Chancellor +of Euralia. + +"Why, have _you_ got one?" said each King quickly to the other. + +Merriwig was the first to recover himself. + +"I have one--naturally," he said. "It's a curious thing that the only +one of my subjects who has one is my--er--swineherd." + +"That's funny," said the King of Barodia. "My swineherd has one too." + +"Of course," said Merriwig, "they are almost a necessity to +swineherding." + +"Particularly in the milking season," said the King of Barodia. + +They looked at each other with added respect. Not many Kings in those +days had the technicalities of such a humble trade at their fingers' +ends. + +The Chancellor of Barodia has been referring to the precedents. + +"It was after the famous conflict between the two grandfathers of your +Majesties that the use of the Magic Cloak in personal combats was +discontinued." + +"Great-grandfathers," said the Chancellor of Euralia. + +"Grandfathers, I think." + +"Great-grandfathers, if I am not mistaken." + +Their tempers were rising rapidly, and the Chancellor of Barodia was +just about to give the Chancellor of Euralia a push when Merriwig +intervened. + +"Never mind about that," he said impatiently. "Tell us what happened +when our--our ancestors fought." + +"It happened in this way, your Majesty. Your Majesty's +grandfather----" + +"Great-grandfather," said a small voice. + +The Chancellor cast one bitter look at his opponent and went on: + +"The ancestors of your two Majesties arranged to settle the war of +that period by personal combat. The two armies were drawn up in full +array. In front of them the two monarchs shook hands. Drawing their +swords and casting their Magic Cloaks around them, they----" + +"Well?" said Merriwig eagerly. + +"It is rather a painful story, your Majesty." + +"Go on, I shan't mind." + +"Well, your Majesty, drawing their swords and casting their Magic +Cloaks around them they--h'r'm--returned to the wassail bowl." + +"Dear, dear," said Merriwig. + +[Illustration: _When the respective armies returned to camp they found +their Majesties asleep_] + +"When the respective armies, who had been waiting eagerly the whole of +the afternoon for some result of the combat, returned to camp, they +found their Majesties----" + +"Asleep," said the Chancellor of Euralia hastily. + +"Asleep," agreed the Chancellor of Barodia. "The excuse of their two +Majesties that they had suddenly forgotten the day, though naturally +accepted at the time, was deemed inadequate by later historians." (By +Roger and myself, anyway.) + +Some further details were discussed, and then the conference closed. +The great fight was fixed for the following morning. + +The day broke fine. At an early hour Merriwig was up and practising +thrusts upon a suspended pillow. At intervals he would consult a +little book entitled _Sword Play for Sovereigns_, and then return to +his pillow. At breakfast he was nervous but talkative. After +breakfast he wrote a tender letter to Hyacinth and a still more tender +one to the Countess Belvane, and burnt them. He repeated his little +rhyme, "Bo, Boll, Bill, Bole," several times to himself until he was +word perfect. It was just possible that it might be useful. His last +thoughts as he rode on to the field were of his great-grandfather. +Without admiring him, he quite saw his point. + +The fight was a brilliant one. First Merriwig aimed a blow at the +King of Barodia's head which the latter parried. Then the King of +Barodia aimed a blow at his adversary's head which Merriwig parried. +This went on three or four times, and then Merriwig put into practice +a remarkable trick which the Captain of his Bodyguard had taught him. +It was his turn to parry, but instead of doing this, he struck again +at his opponent's head; and if the latter in sheer surprise had not +stumbled and fallen, there might have been a very serious ending to +the affair. + +Noon found them still at it; cut and parry, cut and parry; at each +stroke the opposing armies roared their applause. When darkness put an +end to the conflict, honours were evenly divided. + +It was a stiff but proud King of Euralia who received the +congratulations of his subjects that night; so proud that he had to +pour out his heart to somebody. He wrote to his daughter. + +"MY DEAR HYACINTH, + +"You will be glad to hear that your father is going on well and that +Euralia is as determined as ever to uphold its honour and dignity. +To-day I fought the King of Barodia, and considering that, most +unfairly, he was using a Magic Sword, I think I may say that I did +well. The Countess Belvane will be interested to hear that I made +4,638 strokes at my opponent and parried 4,637 strokes from him. This +is good for a man of my age. Do you remember that magic ointment my +aunt used to give me? Have we any of it left? + +"I played a very clever trick the other day by pretending to be a +swineherd. I talked to a real one I met for quite a long time about +swine without his suspecting me. The Countess might be interested to +hear this. It would have been very awkward for me if it had been +found out who I was. + +"I hope you are getting along all right. Do you consult the Countess +Belvane at all? I think she would be able to advise you in any +difficulties. A young girl needs a guiding hand, and I think the +Countess would be able to advise you in any difficulties. Do you +consult her at all? + +"I am afraid this is going to be a long war. There doesn't seem to be +a wizard in the country at all, and without one it is a little +difficult to know how to go on. I say my spell every now and +then--you remember the one: + + '_Bo, boll, bill bole._ + _Wo, woll, will, wole._' + +and it certainly keeps off dragons, but we don't seem to get any +nearer defeating the enemy's army. You might tell the Countess +Belvane that about my spell; she would be interested. + +"To-morrow I go on with my fight with the King of Barodia. I feel +quite confident now that I can hold him. He parries well, but his +cutting is not very good. I am glad the Countess found my sword for +me; tell her that it has been most useful. + +"I must now close as I must go to bed so as to be ready for my fight +to-morrow. Good-bye, dear. I am always, + + "YOUR LOVING FATHER. + +"P.S.--I hope you are not finding your position too difficult. If you +are in any difficulties you should consult the Countess Belvane. I +think she would be able to advise you. Don't forget about that +ointment. Perhaps the Countess might know about some other kind. +It's for stiffness. I am afraid this is going to be a long war." + +The King sealed up the letter and despatched it by special messenger +the next morning. It came to Hyacinth at a critical moment. We shall +see in the next chapter what effect it had upon her. + + + +CHAPTER VII + +THE PRINCESS RECEIVES A LETTER AND WRITES ONE + +The Princess Hyacinth came in from her morning's ride in a very bad +temper. She went straight up to her favourite seat on the castle +walls and sent for Wiggs. + +"Wiggs," she said, "what's the matter with me?" + +Wiggs looked puzzled. She had been dusting the books in the library; +and when you dust books you simply _must_ stop every now and then to +take just one little peep inside, and then you look inside another one +and another one, and by the time you have finished dusting, your head +is so full of things you have seen that you have to be asked questions +very slowly indeed. + +"I'm pretty, aren't I?" went on Hyacinth. + +That was an easy one. + +"Lovely!" said Wiggs, with a deep breath. + +"And I'm not unkind to anybody?" + +"Unkind!" said Wiggs indignantly. + +"Then why--oh, Wiggs, I know it's silly of me, but it _hurts_ me that +my people are so much fonder of the Countess than of me." + +"Oh, I'm sure they're not, your Royal Highness." + +"Well, they cheer her much louder than they cheer me." + +Wiggs tried to think of a way of comforting her mistress, but her head +was still full of the last book she had dusted. + +"Why should they be so fond of her?" demanded Hyacinth. + +"Perhaps because she's so funny," said Wiggs. + +"Funny! Is she funny?" said the Princess coldly. "She doesn't make +_me_ laugh." + +"Well, it _was_ funny of her to make Woggs march round and round that +tree like that, _wasn't_ it?" + +"Like what? You don't mean----" The Princess's eyes were wide open +with astonishment. "Was that Woggs all the time?" + +"Yes, your Royal Highness. Wasn't it lovely and funny of her?" + +The Princess looked across to the forest and nodded to herself. + +"Yes. That's it. Wiggs, I don't believe there has ever been an Army +at all. . . . And I pay them every week!" She added solemnly, "There +are moments when I don't believe that woman is quite honest." + +"Do you mean she isn't good?" asked Wiggs in awe. + +Hyacinth nodded. + +"I'm _never_ good," said Wiggs firmly. + +"What do you mean, silly? You're the best little girl in Euralia." + +"I'm _not_. I do awful things sometimes. Do you know what I did +yesterday?" + +"Something terrible!" smiled Hyacinth. + +"I tore my apron." + +"You baby! That isn't being bad," said Hyacinth absently. She was +still thinking of that awful review. + +"The Countess says it is." + +"The Countess!" + +"Do you know why I want to be _very_ good?" said Wiggs, coming up +close to the Princess. + +"Why, dear?" + +"Because then I could dance like a fairy." + +"Is that how it's done?" asked the Princess, rather amused. "The +Countess must dance _very_ heavily." She suddenly remembered +something and added: "Why, of course, child, you were going to tell +me about a fairy you met, weren't you? That was weeks ago, though. +Tell me now. It will help me to forget things which make me rather +angry." + +It was a simple little story. There must have been many like it in +the books which Wiggs had been dusting; but these were simple times, +and the oldest story always seemed new. + +Wiggs had been by herself in the forest. A baby rabbit had run past +her, terrified; a ferret in pursuit. Wiggs had picked the little +fluffy thing up in her arms and comforted it; the ferret had slowed +down, walked past very indifferently with its hands, as it were, in +its pockets, hesitated a moment, and then remembered an important +letter which it had forgotten to post. Wiggs was left alone with the +baby rabbit, and before she knew where she was, the rabbit was gone +and there was a fairy in front of her. + +[Illustration: _The rabbit was gone, and there was a fairy in front of +her_] + +"You have saved my life," said the fairy. "That was a wicked magician +after me, and if he had caught me then, he would have killed me." + +"Please, your Fairiness, I didn't know fairies _could_ die," said +Wiggs. + +"They can when they take on animal shape or human shape. He could not +hurt me now, but before----" She shuddered. + +"I'm so glad you're all right now," said Wiggs politely. + +"Thanks to you, my child. I must reward you. Take this ring. When +you have been good for a whole day, you can have one good wish; when +you have been bad for a whole day, you can have one bad wish. One +good wish and one bad wish--that is all it will allow anybody to +have." + +With these words she vanished and left Wiggs alone with the ring. + +So, ever after that, Wiggs tried desperately hard to be good and have +the good wish, but it was difficult work. Something always went wrong; +she tore her apron or read books when she ought to have been dusting, +or---- Well, you or I would probably have given it up at once, and +devoted ourselves to earning the bad wish. But Wiggs was a nice +little girl. + +"And, oh, I _do_ so want to be good," said Wiggs earnestly to the +Princess, "so that I could wish to dance like a fairy." She had a +sudden anxiety. "That _is_ a good wish, _isn't_ it?" + +"It's a lovely wish; but I'm sure you could dance now if you tried." + +"I can't," said Wiggs. "I always dance like this." + +She jumped up and danced a few steps. Wiggs was a dear little girl, +but her dancing reminded you of a very dusty road going up-hill all +the way, with nothing but suet-puddings waiting for you on the top. +Something like that. + +"It isn't _really_ graceful, is it?" she said candidly, as she came to +rest. + +"Well, I suppose the fairies _do_ dance better than that." + +"So that's why I want to be good, so as I can have my wish." + +"I really must see this ring," said the Princess. "It sounds +fascinating." She looked coldly in front of her and added, +"Good-morning, Countess." (How long had the woman been there?) + +"Good-morning, your Royal Highness. I ventured to come up +unannounced. Ah, sweet child." She waved a caressing hand at Wiggs. + +(Even if she had overheard anything, it had only been child's talk.) + +"What is it?" asked the Princess. She took a firm hold of the arms of +her chair. She would _not_, _not_, _not_ give way to the Countess +this time. + +"The merest matter of business, your Royal Highness. Just this scheme +for the Encouragement of Literature. Your Royal Highness very wisely +decided that in the absence of the men on the sterner business of +fighting it was the part of us women to encourage the gentler arts; +and for this purpose . . . there was some talk of a competition, +and--er----" + +"Ah, yes," said Hyacinth nervously. "I will look into that +to-morrow." + +"A competition," said Belvane, gazing vaguely over Hyacinth's head. +"Some sort of a money prize," she added, as if in a trance. + +"There should certainly be some sort of a prize," agreed the Princess. +(Why not, she asked herself, if one is to encourage literature?) + +"Bags of gold," murmured Belvane to herself. "Bags and bags of gold. +Big bags of silver and little bags of gold." She saw herself tossing +them to the crowd. + +"Well, we'll go into that to-morrow," said Hyacinth hastily. + +"I have it all drawn up here," said Belvane. "Your Royal Highness has +only to sign. It saves _so_ much trouble," she added with a disarming +smile. . . . She held the document out--all in the most beautiful +colours. + +Mechanically the Princess signed. + +"Thank you, your Royal Highness." She smiled again, and added, "And +now perhaps I had better see about it at once." The Guardian of +Literature took a dignified farewell of her Sovereign and withdrew. + +Hyacinth looked at Wiggs in despair. + +"There!" she said. "That's me. I don't know what it is about that +woman, but I feel just a child in front of her. Oh, Wiggs, Wiggs, I +feel so lonely sometimes with nothing but women all around me. I wish +I had a man here to help me." + +"Are _all_ the men fighting in _all_ the countries?" + +"Not all the countries. There's--Araby. Don't you remember--oh, but +of course you wouldn't know anything about it. But Father was just +going to ask Prince Udo of Araby to come here on a visit, when the war +broke out. Oh, I wish, I _wish_ Father were back again." She laid +her head on her arms; and whether she would have shed a few royal +tears or had a good homely cry, I cannot tell you. For at that moment +an attendant came in. Hyacinth was herself again at once. + +"There is a messenger approaching on a horse, your Royal Highness," +she announced. "Doubtless from His Majesty's camp." + +With a shriek of delight, and an entire lack of royal dignity, the +Princess, followed by the faithful Wiggs, rushed down to receive him. + +Meanwhile, what of the Countess? She was still in the Palace, and, +more than that, she was in the Throne Room of the Palace, and, more +even than that, she was on the Throne, of the Throne Room of the +Palace. + +She couldn't resist it. The door was open as she came down from her +interview with the Princess, and she had to go in. There was a woman +in there, tidying up, who looked questioningly at Belvane as she +entered. + +"You may leave," said the Countess with dignity. "Her Royal Highness +sent me in here to wait for her." + +The woman curtsied and withdrew. + +The Countess then uttered these extraordinary words: + +"When I am Queen in Euralia they shall leave me backwards!" + +Her subsequent behaviour was even more amazing. + +She stood by the side of the door, and putting her hand to her mouth +said shrilly, "Ter-rum, ter-rum, terrumty-umty-um." Then she took her +hand away and announced loudly, "Her Majesty Queen Belvane the First!" +after which she cheered slightly. + +Then in came Her Majesty, a very proper dignified gracious Queen--none +of your seventeen-year-old chits. Bowing condescendingly from side to +side she made her way to the Throne, and with a sweep of her train she +sat down. + +Courtiers were presented to her; representatives from foreign +countries; Prince Hanspatch of Tregong, Prince Ulric, the Duke of +Highanlow. + +"Ah, my dear Prince Hanspatch," she cried, stretching out her hand to +the right of her; "and you, dear Prince Ulric," with a graceful +movement of the left arm towards him; "and, dear Duke, _you_ also!" +Her right hand, which Prince Hanspatch had by now finished with, went +out to the Duke of Highanlow that he too might kiss it. + +But it was arrested in mid-air. She felt rather than saw that the +Princess was watching her in amazement from the doorway. + +Without looking round she stretched out again first one arm and then +the other. Then, as if she had just seen the Princess, she jumped up +in a pretty confusion. + +"Oh, your Royal Highness," she cried, "you caught me at my physical +exercises!" She gave a self-conscious little laugh. "My physical +exercises--a forearm movement." Once again she stretched out her arm. +"Building up the--er--building up--building up----" + +Her voice died away, for the Princess still looked coldly at her. + +"Charming, Countess," she said. "I am sorry to interrupt you, but I +have some news for you. You will like to know that I am inviting +Prince Udo of Araby here on a visit. I feel we want a little outside +help in our affairs." + +"Prince Udo?" cried the Countess. "_Here?_" + +"Have you any objection?" said Hyacinth. She found it easier to be +stern now, for the invitation had already been sent off by the hand of +the King's Messenger. Nothing that the Countess could say could +influence her. + +"No objection, your Royal Highness; but it seems so strange. And then +the expense! Men are such hearty eaters. Besides," she looked with a +charming smile from the Princess to Wiggs, "we were all getting on so +_nicely_ together! Of course if he just dropped in for afternoon tea +one day----" + +"He will make a stay of some months, I hope." There were no wizards +in Barodia, and therefore the war would be a long one. It was this +which had decided Hyacinth. + +"Of course," said Belvane, "whatever your Royal Highness wishes, but I +do think that His Majesty----" + +"My dear Countess," said Hyacinth, with a smile, "the invitation has +already gone, so there's nothing more to be said, is there? Had you +finished your exercises? Yes? Then, Wiggs, will you conduct her +ladyship downstairs?" + +She turned and left her. The Countess watched her go, and then stood +tragically in the middle of the room, clasping her diary to her +breast. + +"This is terrible!" she said. "I feel _years_ older." She held out +her diary at arm's length and said in a gloomy voice, "_What_ an entry +for to-morrow!" The thought cheered her up a little. She began to +consider plans. How could she circumvent this terrible young man who +was going to put them all in their places. She wished that---- + +All at once she remembered something. + +"Wiggs," she said, "what was it I heard you saying to the Princess +about a wish?" + +"Oh, that's my ring," said Wiggs eagerly. "If you've been good for a +whole day you can have a good wish. And my wish is that----" + +"A wish!" said Belvane to herself. "Well, I wish that----" A sudden +thought struck her. "You said that you had to be good for a whole day +first?" + +"Yes." + +Belvane mused. + +"I wonder what they mean by _good_," she said. + +"Of course," explained Wiggs, "if you've been bad for a whole day you +can have a bad wish. But I should hate to have a bad wish, wouldn't +you?" + +"Simply hate it, child," said Belvane. "Er--may I have a look at that +ring?" + +"Here it is," said Wiggs; "I always wear it round my neck." + +The Countess took it from her. + +"Listen," she said. "Wasn't that the Princess calling you? Run +along, quickly, child." She almost pushed her from the room and +closed the door on her. + +Alone again, she paced from end to end of the great chamber, her left +hand nursing her right elbow, her chin in her right hand. + +"If you are good for a day," she mused, "you can have a good wish. If +you are bad for a day you can have a bad wish. Yesterday I drew ten +thousand pieces of gold for the Army; the actual expenses were what I +paid--what I owe Woggs. . . . I suppose that is what narrow-minded +people call being bad. . . . I suppose this Prince Udo would call it +bad. . . . I suppose he thinks he will marry the Princess and throw +me into prison." She flung her head back proudly. "Never!" + +Standing in the middle of the great Throne Room, she held the ring up +in her two hands and wished. + +"I wish," she said, and there was a terrible smile in her eyes, "I +wish that something very--very _humorous_ shall happen to Prince Udo +on his journey." + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +PRINCE UDO SLEEPS BADLY + +Everybody likes to make a good impression on his first visit, but +there were moments just before his arrival in Euralia when Prince Udo +doubted whether the affair would go as well as he had hoped. You +shall hear why. + +He had been out hunting with his friend, the young Duke Coronel, and +was returning to the Palace when Hyacinth's messenger met him. He +took the letter from him, broke the seals, and unrolled it. + +"Wait a moment, Coronel," he said to his friend. "This is going to be +an adventure of some sort, and if it's an adventure I shall want you +with me." + +"I'm in no hurry," said Coronel, and he got off his horse and gave it +into the care of an attendant. The road crossed a stream here. +Coronel sat up on the little stone bridge and dropped pebbles idly +into the water. + +The Prince read his letter. + +_Plop . . . Plop . . . Plop . . . Plop . . ._ + +The Prince looked up from his letter. + +"How many days' journey is it to Euralia?" he asked Coronel. + +"How long did it take the messenger to come?" answered Coronel, +without looking up. (_Plop._) + +"I might have thought of that myself," said Udo, "only this letter has +rather upset me." He turned to the messenger. "How long has it----?" + +"Isn't the letter dated?" said Coronel. (_Plop._) + +Udo paid no attention to this interruption and finished his question +to the messenger. + +"A week, sire." + +"Ride on to the castle and wait for me. I shall have a message for +you." + +"What is it?" said Coronel, when the messenger had gone. "An +adventure?" + +"I think so. I think we may call it that, Coronel." + +"With me in it?" + +"Yes, I think you will be somewhere in it." + +Coronel stopped dropping his pebbles and turned to the Prince. + +"May I hear about it?" + +Udo held out the letter; then feeling that a lady's letter should be +private, drew it back again. He prided himself always on doing the +correct thing. + +"It's from Princess Hyacinth of Euralia," he said; "she doesn't say +much. Her father is away fighting, and she is alone and she is in +some trouble or other. It ought to make rather a good adventure." + +Coronel turned away and began to drop his pebbles into the stream +again. + +"Well, I wish you luck," he said. "If it's a dragon, don't forget +that----" + +"But you're coming, too," said Udo, in dismay. "I must have you with +me." + +"Doing what?" + +"What?" + +"Doing what?" said Coronel again. + +"Well," said Prince Udo awkwardly, "er--well, you--well." + +He felt that it was a silly question for Coronel to have asked. +Coronel knew perfectly well what he would be doing all the time. In +Udo's absence he would be telling Princess Hyacinth stories of his +Royal Highness's matchless courage and wisdom. An occasional +discussion also with the Princess upon the types of masculine beauty, +leading up to casual mention of Prince Udo's own appearance, would be +quite in order. When Prince Udo was present Coronel would no doubt +find the opportunity of drawing Prince Udo out, an opportunity of +which a stranger could not so readily avail himself. + +But of course you couldn't very well tell Coronel that. A man of any +tact would have seen it at once. + +"Of course," he said, "don't come if you don't like. But it would +look rather funny if I went quite unattended; and--and her Royal +Highness is said to be very beautiful," he added lamely. + +Coronel laughed. There are adventures and adventures; to sit next to +a very beautiful Princess and discuss with her the good looks of +another man was not the sort of adventure that Coronel was looking +for. + +He tossed the remainder of his pebbles into the stream and stood up. + +"Of course, if your Royal Highness wishes----" + +"Don't be a fool, Coronel," said his Royal Highness, rather snappily. + +"Well, then, I'll come with my good friend Udo if he wants me." + +"I do want you." + +"Very well, that settles it. After all," he added to himself, "there +may be _two_ dragons." + +Two dragons would be one each. But from all accounts there were not +two Princesses. + + * * * * * + +So three days later the friends set out with good hearts upon the +adventure. The messenger had been sent back to announce their +arrival; they gave him three days' start, and hoped to gain two days +upon him. In the simple fashion of those times (so it would seem from +Roger Scurvilegs) they set out with no luggage and no clear idea of +where they were going to sleep at night. This, after all, is the best +spirit in which to start a journey. It is the Gladstone bag which has +killed romance. + +They started on a perfect summer day, and they rode past towers and +battlements, and by the side of sparkling streams, and came out into +the sunlight again above sleepy villages, and, as they rode, Coronel +sang aloud and Udo tossed his sword into the air and caught it again. +As evening fell they came to a woodman's cottage at the foot of a high +hill, and there they decided to rest for the night. An old woman came +out to welcome them. + +"Good evening, your Royal Highness," she said. + +[Illustration: _As evening fell they came to a woodman's cottage at +the foot of a high hill_] + +"You know me?" said Udo, more pleased than surprised. + +"I know all who come into my house," said the old woman solemnly, "and +all who go away from it." + +This sort of conversation made Coronel feel creepy. There seemed to +be a distinction between the people who came to the house and the +people who went away from it which he did not like. + +"Can we stay here the night, my good woman?" said Udo. + +"You have hurt your hand," she said, taking no notice of his question. + +"It's nothing," said Udo hastily. On one occasion he had caught his +sword by the sharp end by mistake--a foolish thing to have done. + +"Ah, well, since you won't want hands where you're going, it won't +matter much." + +It was the sort of thing old women said in those days, and Udo did not +pay much attention to it. + +"Yes, yes," he said; "but can you give my friend and myself a bed for +to-night?" + +"Seeing that you won't be travelling together long, come in and +welcome." + +She opened the door and they followed her in. + +As they crossed the threshold, Udo half turned round and whispered +over his shoulder to Coronel, + +"Probably a fairy. Be kind to her." + +"How can one be kind to one's hostess?" said Coronel. "It's she who +has to be kind to _us_." + +"Well, you know what I mean; don't be rude to her." + +"My dear Udo, this to _me_--the pride of Araby, the favourite courtier +of his Majesty, the----" + +"Oh, all right," said Udo. + +"Sit down and rest yourselves," said the old woman. "There'll be +something in the pot for you directly." + +"Good," said Udo. He looked approvingly at the large cauldron hanging +over the fire. It was a big fireplace for such a small room. So he +thought when he first looked at it, but as he gazed, the room seemed +to get bigger and bigger, and the fireplace to get farther and farther +away, until he felt that he was in a vast cavern cut deep into the +mountainside. He rubbed his eyes, and there he was in the small +kitchen again and the cauldron was sending out a savoury smell. + +"There'll be something in it for all tastes," went on the old woman, +"even for Prince Udo's." + +"I'm not so particular as all that," said Udo mildly. The room had +just become five hundred yards long again, and he was feeling quiet. + +"Not now, but you will be." + +She filled them a plate each from the pot; and pulling their chairs up +to the table, they fell to heartily. + +"This is really excellent," said Udo, as he put down his spoon and +rested for a moment. + +"You'd think you'd always like that, wouldn't you?" she said. + +"I always shall be fond of anything so perfectly cooked." + +"Ah," remarked the old woman thoughtfully. + +Udo was beginning to dislike her particular style of conversation. It +seemed to carry the merest suggestion of a hint that something +unpleasant was going to happen to him. Nothing apparently was going +to happen to Coronel. He tried to drag Coronel into the conversation +in case the old woman had anything over for him. + +"My friend and I," he said, "hope to be in Euralia the day after +to-morrow." + +"No harm in hoping," was the answer. + +"Dear me, is something going to happen to us on the way?" + +"Depends what you call 'us.'" + +Coronel pushed back his chair and got up. + +"I know what's going to happen to me," he said. "I'm going to sleep." + +"Well," said Udo, getting up too, "we've got a long day before us +to-morrow, and apparently we are in for an adventure--er, _we_ are in +for an adventure of some sort." He looked anxiously at the old woman, +but she made no sign. "And so let's to bed." + +"This way," said the old woman, and by the light of a candle she led +them upstairs. + + * * * * * + +Udo slept badly. He had a feeling (just as you have) that something +was going to happen to him; and it was with some surprise that he woke +up in the morning to find himself much as he was when he went to bed. +He looked at himself in the glass; he invited Coronel to gaze at him; +but neither could discover that anything was the matter. + +"After all," said Udo, "I don't suppose she meant anything. These old +women get into a way of talking like that. If anybody is going to be +turned into anything, it's much more likely to be you." + +"Is that why you brought me with you?" asked Coronel. + +I suppose that by this time they had finished their dressing. Roger +Scurvilegs tells us nothing on such important matters; no doubt from +modesty. "Next morning they rose," he says, and disappoints us of a +picture of Udo brushing his hair. They rose and went down to +breakfast. + +The old woman was in a less cryptic mood at breakfast. She was +particularly hospitable to Udo, and from some secret store produced an +unending variety of good things for him to eat. To Coronel it almost +looked as if she were fattening him up for something, but this +suggestion was received with such bad grace by Udo that he did not +pursue the subject. + +As soon as breakfast was over they started off again. From one of the +many bags of gold he carried, Udo had offered some acknowledgment to +the old woman, but she had refused to take it. + +"Nay, nay," she said. "I shall be amply rewarded before the day is +out." And she seemed to be smiling to herself as if she knew of some +joke which the Prince and Coronel did not yet share. + +"I like to-day," said Coronel as they rode along. "There's a smell of +adventure in the air. Red roofs, green trees, blue sky, white road--I +could fall in love to-day." + +"Who with?" said Udo suspiciously. + +"Any one--that old woman, if you like." + +"Oh, don't talk of her," said the Prince with a shudder. "Coronel, +hadn't you a sense of being _out_ of some joke that she was in?" + +"Perhaps we shall be in it before long. I could laugh very easily on +a morning like this." + +"Oh, I can see a joke as well as any one," said Udo. "Don't be afraid +that I shan't laugh, too. No doubt it will make a good story, +whatever it is, to tell to the Princess Hyacinth. Coronel," he added +solemnly, the thought having evidently only just occurred to him, "I +am all impatience to help that poor girl in her trouble." And as if +to show his impatience, he suddenly gave the reins a shake and +cantered ahead of his companion. Smiling to himself, Coronel followed +at his leisure. + +They halted at mid-day in a wood, and made a meal from some provisions +which the old woman had given them; and after they had eaten, Udo lay +down on a mossy bank and closed his eyes. + +"I'm sleepy," he said; "I had a restless night. Let's stay here +awhile; after all, there's no hurry." + +"Personally," said Coronel, "I'm all impatience to help that----" + +"I tell you I had a very bad night," said Udo crossly. + +"Oh, well, I shall go off and look for dragons. Coronel, the Dragon +Slayer. Good-bye." + +"Only half an hour," said Udo. + +"Right." + +With a nod to the Prince he strolled off among the trees. + + + +CHAPTER IX + +THEY ARE AFRAID OF UDO + +This is a painful chapter for me to write. Mercifully it is to be a +short one. Later on I shall become used to the situation; inclined, +even, to dwell upon its humorous side; but for the moment I cannot see +beyond the sadness of it. That to a Prince of the Royal House of +Araby, and such an estimable young man as Udo, those things should +happen. Roger Scurvilegs frankly breaks down over it. "That +abominable woman," he says (meaning, of course, Belvane), and he has +hysterics for more than a page. + +Let us describe it calmly. + +Coronel came back from his stroll in the same casual way in which he +had started and dropped down lazily upon the grass to wait until Udo +was ready to mount. He was not thinking of Udo. He was wondering if +Princess Hyacinth had an attendant of surpassing beauty, or a dragon +of surpassing malevolence--if, in fact, there were any adventures in +Euralia for a humble fellow like himself. + +"Coronel!" said a small voice behind him. + +He turned round indifferently. + +"Hullo, Udo, where are you?" he said. "Isn't it time we were +starting?" + +"We aren't starting," said the voice. + +"What's the matter? What are you hiding in the bushes for? +Whatever's the matter, Udo?" + +"I'm not very well." + +"My poor Udo, what's happened?" He jumped up and made towards him. + +"Stop!" shrieked the voice. "I command you!" + +Coronel stopped. + +"Your Royal Highness's commands," he began rather coldly---- + +There was an ominous sniffing from the bushes. + +"Coronel," said an unhappy voice at last, "I think I'm coming out." + +Wondering what it all meant, Coronel waited in silence. + +"Yes, I am coming out, Coronel," said the voice. "But you mustn't be +surprised if I don't look very well. I'm--I'm--Coronel, here I am," +said Udo pathetically and he stepped out. + +Coronel didn't know whether to laugh or to cry. + +Poor Prince Udo! + +[Illustration: _"Coronel, here I am," said Udo pathetically, and he +stepped out_] + +He had the head and the long ears of a rabbit, and in some unfortunate +way a look of the real Prince Udo in spite of it. He had the mane and +the tail of a lion. In between the tail and the mane it is difficult +to say what he was, save that there was an impression of magnificence +about his person--such magnificence, anyhow, as is given by an +astrakhan-trimmed fur coat. + +Coronel decided that it was an occasion for tact. + +"Ah, here you are," he said cheerfully. "Shall we get along?" + +"Don't be a fool, Coronel," said Udo, almost crying. "Don't pretend +that you can't _see_ that I've got a tail." + +"Why, bless my soul, so you have. A tail! Well, think of that!" + +Udo showed what he thought of it by waving it peevishly. + +"This is not a time for tact," he said. "Tell me what I look like." + +Coronel considered for a moment. + +"Really frankly?" he asked. + +"Y--yes," said Udo nervously. + +"Then, frankly, your Royal Highness looks--funny." + +"_Very_ funny?" said Udo wistfully. + +"_Very_ funny," said Coronel. + +His Highness sighed. + +"I was afraid so," he said. "That's the cruel part about it. Had I +been a lion there would have been a certain pathetic splendour about +my position. Isolated--cut off--suffering in regal silence." He +waved an explanatory paw. "Even in the most hideous of beasts there +might be a dignity." He meditated for a moment. "Have you ever seen +a yak, Coronel?" he asked. + +"Never." + +"I saw one once in Barodia. It is not a beautiful animal, Coronel; +but as a yak I should not have been entirely unlovable. One does not +laugh at a yak, Coronel, and where one does not laugh one may come to +love. . . . What does my head look like?" + +"It looks--striking." + +"I haven't seen it, you see." + +"To one who didn't know your Royal Highness it would convey the +impression of a rabbit." + +Udo laid his head between his paws and wept. + +"A r--rabbit!" he sobbed. So undignified, so lacking in true pathos, +so---- And not even a whole rabbit," he added bitterly. + +"How did it happen?" + +"I don't know, Coronel. I just went to sleep, and woke up feeling +rather funny, and----" He sat up suddenly and stared at Coronel. "It +was that old woman did it. You mark my words, Coronel; she did it." + +"Why should she?" + +"I don't know. I was very polite to her. Don't you remember my +saying to you, 'Be polite to her, because she's probably a fairy!' +You see, I saw through her disguise at once. Coronel, what shall we +do? Let's hold a council of war and think it over." + +So they held a council of war. + +Prince Udo put forward two suggestions. + +The first was that Coronel should go back on the morrow and kill the +old woman. + +The second was that Coronel should go back that afternoon and kill the +old woman. + +Coronel pointed out that as she had turned Prince Udo into--into +a--a--("Quite so," said Udo)--it was likely that she alone could turn +him back again, and that in that case he had better only threaten her. + +"I want _somebody_ killed," said Udo, rather naturally. + +"Suppose," said Coronel, "you stay here for two days while I go back +and see the old witch, and make her tell me what she knows. She knows +something, I'm certain. Then we shall see better what to do." + +Udo mused for a space. + +"Why didn't they turn _you_ into anything?" he asked. + +"Really, I don't know. Perhaps because I'm too unimportant." + +"Yes, that must be it." He began to feel a little brighter. +"Obviously, that's it." He caressed a whisker with one of his paws. +"They were afraid of me." + +He began to look so much happier that Coronel thought it was a +favourable moment in which to withdraw. + +"Shall I go now, your Royal Highness?" + +"Yes, yes, you may leave me." + +"And shall I find you here when I come back?" + +"You may or you may not, Coronel; you may or you may not. . . . +Afraid of me," he murmured to himself. "Obviously." + +"And if I don't?" + +"Then return to the Palace." + +"Good-bye, your Royal Highness." + +Udo waved a paw at him. + +"Good-bye, good-bye." + +Coronel got on his horse and rode away. As soon as he was out of +earshot he began to laugh. Spasm after spasm shook him. No sooner +had he composed himself to gravity than a remembrance of Udo's +appearance started him off again. + +"I couldn't have stayed with him a moment longer," he thought. "I +should have burst. Poor Udo! However, we'll soon get him all right." + +That evening he reached the place where the cottage had stood, but it +was gone. Next morning he rode back to the wood. Udo was gone too. +He returned to the Palace, and began to think it out. + + * * * * * + +Left to himself Udo very soon made up his mind. There were three +courses open to him. + +He might stay where he was till he was restored to health. + +This he rejected at once. When you have the head of a rabbit, the +tail of a lion, and the middle of a woolly lamb, the need for action +of some kind is imperative. All the blood of your diverse ancestors +calls to you to be up and doing. + +He might go back to Araby. + +To Araby, where he was so well-known, so respected, so popular? To +Araby, where he rode daily among his father's subjects that they might +have the pleasure of cheering him? How awkward for everybody! + +On to Euralia then? + +Why not? The Princess Hyacinth had called for him. What devotion it +showed if he came to her even now--in his present state of bad health! +She was in trouble: enchanters, wizards, what-nots. Already, then, +he had suffered in her service--so at least he would say, and so +possibly it might be. Coronel had thought him--funny; but women had +not much sense of humour as a rule. Probably as a child Hyacinth had +kept rabbits . . . or lambs. She would find him--strokable. . . . +And the lion in him . . . in his tail, his fierce mane . . . she would +find that inspiring. Women like to feel that there is something +fierce, untamable in the man they love; well, there it was. + +It was not as if he had Coronel with him. Coronel and he (in his +present health) could never have gone into Euralia together; the +contrast was too striking; but he alone, Hyacinth's only help! Surely +she would appreciate his magnanimity. + +Also, as he had told himself a moment ago, there was quite a chance +that it was a Euralian enchanter who had put this upon him--to prevent +him helping Hyacinth. If so, he had better go to Euralia in order to +deal with that enchanter. For the moment, he did not see exactly how +to deal with him, but no doubt he would think of some tremendously +cunning device later on. + +To Euralia then with all dispatch. + +He trotted off. As Coronel had said, they were evidently afraid of +him. + + + +CHAPTER X + +CHARLOTTE PATACAKE ASTONISHES THE CRITICS + +The Lady Belvane sits in her garden. She is very happy. An enormous +quill-pen, taken from a former favourite goose and coloured red, is in +her right hand. The hair of her dark head, held on one side, touches +the paper whereon she writes, and her little tongue peeps out between +her red lips. Her left hand taps the table--one-two, one-two, +one-two, one-two, one-two. She is composing. + +Wonderful woman! + +You remember that scene with the Princess Hyacinth? "I feel we want a +little outside help in our affairs." A fortnight of suspense before +Prince Udo arrived. What had the ring done to him? At the best, even +if there would be no Udo at all to interfere, nevertheless she knew +that she had lost her footing at the Palace. She and the Princess +would now be open enemies. At the worst--those magic rings were so +untrustworthy!--a Prince, still powerful, and now seriously annoyed, +might be leagued against her. + +Yet she composed. + +And what is she writing? She is entering for the competition in +connection with the Encouragement of Literature Scheme: the last +scheme which the Princess had signed. + +I like to think of her peacefully writing at a time when her whole +future hung in the balance. Roger sneers at her. "Even now," he +says, "she was hoping to wring a last bag-full of gold from her +wretched country." I deny emphatically that she was doing anything of +the sort. She was entering for a duly authorised competition under +the pen-name of Charlotte Patacake. The fact that the Countess +Belvane, according to the provisions of the scheme, was sole judge of +the competition, is beside the point. Belvane's opinion of Charlotte +Patacake's poetry was utterly sincere, and uninfluenced in any way by +monetary considerations. If Patacake were rewarded the first prize it +would be because Belvane honestly thought she was worth it. + +One other fact by way of defence against Roger's slanders. As judge, +Belvane had chosen the subject of the prize poems. Now Belvane and +Patacake both excelled in the lighter forms of lyrical verse; yet the +subject of the poem was to be epic. "The Barodo-Euralian War"--no +less. How many modern writers would be as fair? + +"THE BARODO-EURALIAN WAR." + +This line is written in gold, and by itself would obtain a prize in +any local competition. + + _King Merriwig the First rode out to war_ + _As many other kings had done before!_ + _Five hundred men behind him marched to fight--_ + +There follows a good deal of scratching out, and then comes (a sudden +inspiration) this sublimely simple line: + + _Left-right, left-right, left-right, left-right, left-right._ + +One can almost hear the men moving. + + _What gladsome cheers assailed the balmy air--_ + _They came from north, from south, from everywhere!_ + _No wight that stood upon that sacred scene_ + _Could gaze upon the sight unmoved, I ween:_ + _No wight that stood upon that sacred spot_ + _Could gaze upon the sight unmoved, I wot:_ + +It is not quite clear whether the last couplet is an alternative to +the couplet before or is purposely added in order to strengthen it. +Looking over her left shoulder it seems to me that there is a line +drawn through the first one, but I cannot see very clearly because of +her hair, which will keep straying over the page. + + _Why do they march so fearless and so bold?_ + _The answer is not very quickly told._ + _To put it shortly, the Barodian king_ + _Insulted Merriwig like anything--_ + _King Merriwig, the dignified and wise,_ + _Who saw him flying over with surprise,_ + _As did his daughter, Princess Hyacinth._ + +This was as far as she had got. + +She left the table and began to walk round her garden. There is +nothing like it for assisting thought. However, to-day it was not +helping much; she went three times round and still couldn't think of a +rhyme for Hyacinth. "Plinth" was a little difficult to work in; +"besides," she reminded herself, "I don't quite know what it means." +Belvane felt as I do about poetry: that however incomprehensible it +may be to the public, the author should be quite at ease with it. + +She added up the lines she had written already--seventeen. If she +stopped there, it would be the only epic that had stopped at the +seventeenth line. + +She sighed, stretched her arms, and looked up at the sky. The weather +was all against her. It was the ideal largesse morning. . . . + +Twenty minutes later she was on her cream-white palfrey. Twenty-one +minutes later Henrietta Crossbuns had received a bag of gold neatly +under the eye, as she bobbed to her Ladyship. To this extent only did +H. Crossbuns leave her mark upon Euralian history; but it was a mark +which lasted for a full month. + +Hyacinth knew nothing of all this. She did not even know that Belvane +was entering for the prize poem. She had forgotten her promise to +encourage literature in the realm. + +And why? Ah, ladies, can you not guess why? She was thinking of +Prince Udo of Araby. What did he look like? Was he dark or fair? +Did his hair curl naturally or not? + +Was he wondering at all what _she_ looked like? + +Wiggs had already decided that he was to fall in love with her Royal +Highness and marry her. + +"I think," said Wiggs, "that he'll be very tall, and have lovely blue +eyes and golden hair." + +This is what they were like in all the books she had ever dusted; like +this were the seven Princes (now pursuing perilous adventures in +distant countries) to whom the King had promised Hyacinth's +hand--Prince Hanspatch of Tregong, Prince Ulric, the Duke of +Highanlow, and all the rest of them. Poor Prince Ulric! In the +moment of victory he was accidentally fallen upon by the giant whom he +was engaged in undermining, and lost all appetite for adventure +thereby. Indeed, in his latter years he was alarmed by anything +larger than a goldfish, and lived a life of strictest seclusion. + +[Illustration: _Twenty-one minutes later Henrietta Crossbuns was +acknowledging a bag of gold_] + +"_I_ think he'll be dark," said Hyacinth. Her own hair was +corn-coloured. + +Poor Prince Hanspatch of Tregong; I've just remembered about him--no, +I haven't, it was the Duke of Highanlow. Poor Duke of Highanlow! A +misunderstanding with a wizard having caused his head to face the +wrong way round, he was so often said good-bye to at the very moment +of arrival, that he gradually lost his enthusiasm for social +enterprises and confined himself to his own palace, where his +acrobatic dexterity in supplying himself with soup was a constant +source of admiration to his servants. . . . + +However, it was Prince Udo of whom they were thinking now. The +Messenger had returned from Araby; his Royal Highness must be expected +on the morrow. + +"I do hope he'll be comfortable in the Purple Room," said Hyacinth. +"I wonder if it wouldn't have been better to have left him in the Blue +Room, after all." + +They had had him in the Blue Room two days ago, until Hyacinth thought +that perhaps he would be more comfortable in the Purple Room, after +all. + +"The Purple Room has the best view," said Wiggs helpfully. + +"And it gets the sun. Wiggs, don't forget to put some flowers there. +And have you given him any books?" + +"I gave him two," said Wiggs. "_Quests for Princes_, and _Wild +Animals at Home_." + +"Oh, I'm sure he'll like those. Now let's think what we shall do when +he comes. He'll arrive some time in the afternoon. Naturally he will +want a little refreshment." + +"Would he like a picnic in the forest?" asked Wiggs. + +"I don't think any one wants a picnic after a long journey." + +"I _love_ picnics." + +"Yes, dear; but, you see, Prince Udo's much older than you, and I +expect he's had so many picnics that he's tired of them. I suppose +really I ought to receive him in the Throne Room, but that's +so--so----" + +"Stuffy," said Wiggs. + +"That's just it. We should feel uncomfortable with each other the +whole time. I think I shall receive him up here; I never feel so +nervous in the open air." + +"Will the Countess be here?" asked Wiggs. + +"No," said the Princess coldly. "At least," she corrected herself, +"she will not be invited. Good afternoon, Countess." It was like +her, thought Hyacinth, to arrive at that very moment. + +Belvane curtsied low. + +"Good afternoon, your Royal Highness. I am here purely on a matter of +business. I thought it my duty to inform your Royal Highness of the +result of the Literature prize." She spoke meekly, and as one who +forgave Hyacinth for her unkindness towards her. + +"Certainly, Countess. I shall be glad to hear." + +The Countess unrolled a parchment. + +"The prize has been won," she said, "by----" she held the parchment a +little closer to her eyes, "by Charlotte Patacake." + +"Oh, yes. Who is she?" + +"A most deserving woman, your Royal Highness. If she is the woman I'm +thinking of, a most deserving person, to whom the money will be more +than welcome. Her poem shows a sense of values combined +with--er--breadth, and--er--distance, such as I have seldom seen +equalled. The--er--technique is only excelled by the--shall I +say?--tempermentality, the boldness of the colouring, by the--how +shall I put it?--the firmness of the outline. In short----" + +"In short," said the Princess, "you like it." + +"Your Royal Highness, it is unique. But naturally you will wish to +hear it for yourself. It is only some twelve hundred lines long. I +will declaim it to your Royal Highness." + +She held the manuscript out at the full length of her left arm, struck +an attitude with the right arm, and began in her most thrilling voice: + + "_King Merriwig the First rode out to war,_ + _As many other kings----_" + +"Yes, Countess, but another time. I am busy this afternoon. As you +know, I think, the Prince Udo of Araby arrives to-morrow, and----" + +Belvane's lips were still moving, and her right arm swayed up and +down. "_What gladsome cheers assailed the balmy air!_" she murmured +to herself, and her hand when up to heaven. "_They come from north, +from south_" (she pointed in the directions mentioned), "_from +everywhere. No wight that stood----_" + +"He will be received privately up here by myself in the first place, +and afterwards----" + +"_Could gaze upon the sight unmoved, I wot_," whispered Belvane, and +placed her hand upon her breast to show that anyhow it had been too +much for _her_. "_Why do they march so----_ I beg your Royal +Highness's pardon. I was so carried away by this wonderful poem. I +do beg of your Royal Highness to read it." + +The Princess waved the manuscript aside. + +"I am not unmindful of the claims of literature, Countess, and I shall +certainly read the poem another time. Meanwhile I can, I hope, trust +you to see that the prize is awarded to the rightful winner. What I +am telling you now is that the Prince Udo is arriving to-morrow." + +Belvane looked innocently puzzled. + +"Prince Udo--Udo--would that be Prince Udo of Carroway, your Royal +Highness? A tall man with three legs?" + +"Prince Udo of Araby," said Hyacinth severely. "I think I have +already mentioned him to your ladyship. He will make a stay of some +months." + +"But how _delightful_, your Royal Highness, to see a man again! We +were all getting so dull together! We want a man to wake us up a +little, don't we, Wiggs? I will go and give orders about his room at +once, your Royal Highness. You will wish him to be in the Purple +Room, of course?" + +That settled it. + +"He will be in the Blue Room," said Hyacinth decidedly. + +"Certainly, your Royal Highness. Fancy, Wiggs, a man again! I will +go and see about it now, if I may have your Royal Highness's leave to +withdraw?" + +A little mystified by Belvane's manner, Hyacinth inclined her head, +and the Countess withdrew. + + + +CHAPTER XI + +WATERCRESS SEEMS TO GO WITH THE EARS + +Wiggs gave a parting pat to the tablecloth and stood looking at it +with her head on one side. + +"Now, then," she said, "have we got everything?" + +"What about sardines?" said Woggs in her common way. (I don't know +what she's doing in this scene at all, but Roger Scurvilegs insists on +it.) + +"I don't think a _Prince_ would like _sardines_," said Wiggs. + +"If _I'd_ been on a long journey, I'd _love_ sardines. It _is_ a very +long journey from Araby, isn't it?" + +"Awful long. Why, it's taken him nearly a week. Perhaps," she added +hopefully, "he's had something on the way." + +"Perhaps he took some sandwiches with him," said Woggs, thinking that +this would be a good thing to do. + +"What do you think he'll be like, Woggs?" + +Woggs though for a long time. + +"Like the King," she said. "Only different," she added, as an +afterthought. + +Up came the Princess for the fifth time that afternoon, all +excitement. + +"Well," she said, "is everything ready?" + +"Yes, your Royal Highness. Except Woggs and me didn't quite know +about sardines." + +The Princess laughed happily. + +"I think there will be enough there for him. It all looks very nice." + +She turned round and discovered behind her the last person she wanted +to see just then. + +The-last-person-she-wanted-to-see-just-then curtsied effectively. + +"Forgive me, your Royal Highness," she said profusely, "but I thought +I had left Charlotte Patacake's priceless manuscript up here. No; +evidently I was mistaken, your Royal Highness. I will withdraw, your +Royal Highness, as I know your Royal Highness would naturally wish to +receive his Royal Highness alone." + +Listening to this speech one is impressed with Woggs' method of +calling everybody "Mum." + +"Not at all, Countess," said Hyacinth coldly. "We would prefer you to +stay and help us receive his Royal Highness. He is a little late, I +think." + +Belvane looked unspeakably distressed. + +"Oh, I do _hope_ that nothing has happened to him on the way," she +exclaimed. "I've an uneasy feeling that something may have occurred." + +[Illustration: _Princess Hyacinth gave a shriek and faltered slowly +backwards_] + +"What could have happened to him?" asked Hyacinth, not apparently very +much alarmed. + +"Oh, your Royal Highness, it's just a sort of silly feeling of mine. +There may be nothing in it." + +There was a noise of footsteps from below; a man's voice was heard. +The Princess and the Countess, both extremely nervous, but from +entirely different reasons, arranged suitable smiles of greeting upon +their faces; Wiggs and Woggs stood in attitudes of appropriate +meekness by the table. The Court Painter could have made a beautiful +picture of it. + +"His Royal Highness Prince Udo of Araby," announced the voice of an +attendant. + +"A nervous moment," said Belvane to herself. "Can the ring have +failed to act?" + +Udo trotted in. + +"It hasn't," said Belvane. + +Princess Hyacinth gave a shriek, and faltered slowly backwards; Wiggs, +who was familiar with these little accidents in the books which she +dusted, and Woggs, who had a natural love for any kind of animal, +stood their ground. + +"Whatever is it?" murmured Hyacinth. + +It was as well that Belvane was there. + +"Allow me to present to your Royal Highness," she said, stepping +forward, "his Royal Highness Prince Udo of Araby." + +"Prince _Udo?_" said Hyacinth, all unwilling to believe it. + +"I'm afraid so," said Udo gloomily. He had thought over this meeting +a good deal in the last two or three days, and he realised now that he +had underestimated the difficulties of it. + +Hyacinth remembered that she was a Princess and a woman. + +"I'm delighted to welcome your Royal Highness to Euralia," she said. +"Won't you sit down--I mean up--er, down." (How _did_ rabbits sit? +Or whatever he was?) + +Udo decided to sit up. + +"Thank you. You've no idea how difficult it is to talk on four legs +to somebody higher up. It strains the neck so." + +There was an awkward silence. Nobody quite knew what to say. + +Except Belvane. + +She turned to Udo with her most charming smile. "Did you have a +pleasant journey?" she asked sweetly. + +"No," said Udo coldly. + +"Oh, do tell us what happened to you?" cried Hyacinth. "Did you meet +some terrible enchanter on the way? Oh, I am so dreadfully sorry." + +When one is not feeling very well there is a certain type of question +which is always annoying. + +"Can't you _see_ what's happened to me?" said Udo crossly. "I don't +know _how_ it happened. I had come two days' journey from Araby, +when----" + +"Please, your Royal Highness," said Wiggs, "is this _your_ tail in the +salt?" She took it out, gave it a shake, and handed it back to him. + +"Oh, thank you, thank you--two days' journey from Araby when I woke up +one afternoon and found myself like this. I ask you to imagine my +annoyance. My first thought naturally was to return home and hide +myself; but I told myself, Princess, that _you_ wanted me." + +The Princess could not help being touched by this, said as it was with +a graceful movement of the ears and a caressing of the right whisker, +but she wondered a little what she would do with him now that she had +got him. + +"Er--what _are_ you?" put in Belvane kindly, knowing how men are +always glad to talk about themselves. + +Udo had caught sight of a well-covered table, and was looking at it +with a curious mixture of hope and resignation. + +"Very, very hungry," he said, speaking with the air of one who knows. + +The Princess, whose mind had been travelling, woke up suddenly. + +"Oh, I was forgetting my manners," she said with a smile for which the +greediest would have forgiven her. "Let us sit down and refresh +ourselves. May I present to your Royal Highness the Countess +Belvane." + +"Do I shake hands or pat him?" murmured that mistress of Court +etiquette, for once at a loss. + +Udo placed a paw over his heart and bowed profoundly. + +"Charmed," he said gallantly, and coming from a cross between a lion, +a rabbit, and a woolly lamb the merest suggestion of gallantry has a +most pleasing effect. + +They grouped themselves round the repast. + +"A little sherbet, your Royal Highness?" said Hyacinth, who presided +over the bowl. + +Udo was evidently longing to say yes, but hesitated. + +"I wonder if I dare." + +"It's very good sherbet," said Wiggs, to encourage him. + +"I'm sure it is, my dear. But the question is, Do I like sherbet?" + +"You can't help knowing if you like _sherbet_." + +"Don't bother him, Wiggs," said Hyacinth, "a venison sandwich, dear +Prince?" + +"The question is, Do I like venison sandwiches?" + +"_I_ do," announced Woggs to any one who was interested. + +"You see," explained Udo, "I really don't know _what_ I like." + +They were all surprised at this, particularly Woggs. Belvane, who was +enjoying herself too much to wish to do anything but listen, said +nothing, and it was the Princess who obliged Udo by asking him what he +meant. It was a subject upon which he was longing to let himself go +to somebody. + +"Well," he said, expanding himself a little, so that Wiggs had to +remove his tail this time from the custard, "what am I?" + +Nobody ventured to offer an opinion. + +"Am I a hare? Then put me next to the red currant jelly, or whatever +it is that hares like." + +The anxious eye of the hostess wandered over the table. + +"Am I a lion?" went on Udo, developing his theme. "Then pass me +Wiggs." + +"Oh, please don't be a lion," said Wiggs gently, as she stroked his +mane. + +"But haven't you a feeling for anything?" asked Hyacinth. + +"I have a great feeling of emptiness. I yearn for _something_, only I +don't quite know what." + +"I hope it isn't sardines," whispered Wiggs to Woggs. + +"But what have you been eating on the way?" asked the Princess. + +"Oh, grass and things chiefly. I thought I should be safe with +grass." + +"And were you--er--safe?" asked Belvane, with a great show of anxiety. + +Udo coughed and said nothing. + +"I know it's silly of me," said Hyacinth, "but I still don't quite +understand. I should have thought that if you were a--a----" + +"Quite so," said Udo. + +"--then you would have known by instinct what a--a----" + +"Exactly," said Udo. + +"Likes to eat." + +"Ah, I thought you'd think that. That's just what I thought when +this--when I began to feel unwell. But I've worked it out since, and +it's all wrong." + +"This _is_ interesting," said Belvane, settling herself more +comfortably. "_Do_ go on." + +"Well, when----" He coughed and looked round at them coyly. "This is +really rather a delicate subject." + +"Not at all," murmured Hyacinth. + +"Well, it's like this. When an enchanter wants to annoy you he +generally turns you into an animal of some kind." + +Belvane achieved her first blush since she was seventeen. + +"It _is_ a humorous way they have," she said. + +"But suppose you really were an animal altogether, it wouldn't annoy +you at all. An elephant isn't annoyed at being an elephant; he just +tries to be a good elephant, and he'd be miserable if he couldn't do +things with his trunk. The annoying thing is to look like an elephant, +to have the very complicated--er--inside of an elephant, and yet all +the time really to be a man." + +They were all intensely interested. Woggs thought that it was going +to lead up to a revelation of what sort of animal Prince Udo really +was, but in this she was destined to be disappointed. After all there +were advantages in Udo's present position. As a man he had never been +listened to so attentively. + +"Now suppose for a moment I am a lion. I have the--er--delicate +apparatus of a lion, but the beautiful thoughts and aspirations of a +Prince. Thus there is one--er--side of me which craves for raw beef, +but none the less there is a higher side of me" (he brought his paw up +towards his heart), "which--well, you know how _you'd_ feel about it +yourself." + +The Princess shuddered. + +"I _should_," she said, with conviction. + +Belvane was interested, but thought it all a little crude. + +"You see the point," went on Udo. "A baby left to itself doesn't know +what is good for it. Left to itself it would eat anything. Now turn +a man suddenly into an animal and he is in exactly the same state as +that baby." + +"I hadn't thought of it like that," said Hyacinth. + +"I've _had_ to think of it! Now let us proceed further with the +matter." Udo was thoroughly enjoying himself. He had not had such a +time since he had given an address on Beetles to all the leading +citizens of Araby at his coming-of-age. "Suppose again that I am a +lion. I know from what I have read or seen that raw meat agrees best +with the lion's--er--organisation, and however objectionable it might +look I should be foolish not to turn to it for sustenance. But if you +don't quite know what animal you're supposed to be, see how difficult +the problem becomes. It's a question of trying all sorts of horrible +things in order to find out what agrees with you." His eyes took on a +faraway look, a look in which the most poignant memories seem to be +reflected. "I've been experimenting," he said, "for the last three +days." + +They all gazed sadly and sympathetically at him. Except Belvane. She +of course wouldn't. + +"What went best?" she asked brightly. + +"Oddly enough," said Udo, cheering up a little, "banana fritters. +Have you ever kept any animal who lived entirely on banana fritters?" + +"Never," smiled the Princess. + +"Well, that's the animal I probably am." He sighed and added, "There +were one or two animals I wasn't." For a little while he seemed to be +revolving bitter memories, and then went on, "I don't suppose any of +you here have any idea how very prickly thistles are when they are +going down. Er--may I try a watercress sandwich? It doesn't suit the +tail, but it seems to go with the ears." He took a large bite and +added through the leaves, "I hope I don't bore you, Princess, with my +little troubles." + +Hyacinth clasped his paw impulsively. + +"My dear Prince Udo, I'm only longing to help. We must think of some +way of getting this horrible enchantment off you. There are so many +wise books in the library, and my father has composed a spell +which--oh, I'm sure we shall soon have you all right again." + +Udo took another sandwich. + +"Very good of you, Princess, to say so. You understand how annoying a +little indisposition of this kind is to a man of my temperament." He +beckoned to Wiggs. "How do you make these?" he asked in an undertone. + +Gracefully undulating, Belvane rose from her seat. + +"Well," she said, "I must go and see that the stable----" she broke +off in a pretty confusion--"How _silly_ of me, I mean the Royal +Apartment is prepared. Have I your Royal Highness's leave to +withdraw?" + +She had. + +"And, Wiggs, dear, you too had better run along and see if you can +help. You may leave the watercress sandwiches," she added, as Wiggs +hesitated for a moment. + +With a grateful look at her Royal Highness Udo helped himself to +another one. + + + +CHAPTER XII + +WE DECIDE TO WRITE TO UDO'S FATHER + +"Now, my dear Princess," said Udo, as soon as they were alone. "Let +me know in what way I can help you." + +"Oh, Prince Udo," said Hyacinth earnestly, "it _is_ so good of you to +have come. I feel that this--this little accident is really my fault +for having asked you here." + +"Not at all, dear lady. It is the sort of little accident that might +have happened to anybody, anywhere. If I can still be of assistance +to you, pray inform me. Though my physical powers may not for the +moment be quite what they were, I flatter myself that my mental +capabilities are in no way diminished." He took another bite of his +sandwich and wagged his head wisely at her. + +"Let's come over here," said Hyacinth. + +She moved across to an old stone seat in the wall, Udo following with +the plate, and made room for him by her side. There is, of course, a +way of indicating to a gentleman that he may sit next to you on the +Chesterfield, and tell you what he has been doing in town lately, and +there is also another way of patting the sofa for Fido to jump up and +be-a-good-dog-and-lie-down-sir. Hyacinth achieved something very +tactful in between, and Udo jumped up gracefully. + +"Now we can talk," said Hyacinth. "You noticed that lady, the +Countess Belvane, whom I presented to you?" + +Udo nodded. + +"What did you think of her?" + +Udo was old enough to know what to say to that. + +"I hardly looked at her," he said. And he added with a deep bow, +"Naturally when your Royal Highness--oh, I beg your pardon, are my +ears in your way?" + +"It's all right," said Hyacinth, rearranging her hair. "Well, it was +because of that woman that I sent for you." + +"But I can't marry her like this, your Royal Highness." + +Hyacinth turned a startled face towards him. Udo perceived that he +had blundered. To hide his confusion he took another sandwich and ate +it very quickly. + +"I want your help against her," said Hyacinth, a little distantly; +"she is plotting against me." + +"Oh, your Royal Highness, now I see," said Udo, and he wagged his head +as much as to say, "You've come to the right man this time." + +[Illustration: _"Now we can talk," said Hyacinth_] + +"I don't trust her," said Hyacinth impressively. + +"Well, now, Princess, I'm not surprised. I'll tell you something +about that woman." + +"Oh, what?" + +"Well, when I was announced just now, what happened? You, yourself, +Princess, were not unnaturally a little alarmed; those two little +girls were surprised and excited; but what of this Countess Belvane? +What did _she_ do?" + +"What _did_ she do?" + +"Nothing," said Udo impressively. "She was neither surprised nor +alarmed." + +"Why, now I come to think of it, I don't believe she was." + +"And yet," said Udo half pathetically, half proudly, "Princes don't +generally look like this. Now, why wasn't she surprised?" + +Hyacinth looked bewildered. + +"Did she know you were sending for me?" Udo went on. + +"Yes." + +"Because you had found out something about her?" + +"Yes." + +"Then depend upon it, _she's_ done it. _What_ a mind that woman must +have!" + +"But how could she do it?" exclaimed Hyacinth. "Of course it's just +the sort of thing she _would_ do if she could." + +Udo didn't answer. He was feeling rather annoyed with Belvane, and +had got off his seat and was trotting up and down so as not to show +his feelings before a lady. + +"How _could_ she do it?" implored Hyacinth. + +"Oh, she's in with some enchanter or somebody," said Udo impatiently +as he trotted past. + +Suddenly he had an idea. He stopped in front of her. + +"If only I were _sure_ I was a lion." + +He tried to roar, exclaimed hastily that it was only a practice one, +and roared again. "No, I don't think I'm a lion after all," he +admitted sadly. + +"Well," said Hyacinth, "we must think of a plan." + +"We must think of a plan," said Udo, and he came and sat meekly beside +her again. He could conceal it from himself no longer that he was not +a lion. The fact depressed him. + +"I suppose I have been weak," went on Hyacinth, "but ever since the +men went away she has been the ruling spirit of the country. I think +she is plotting against me; I _know_ she is robbing me. I asked you +here so that you could help me to find her out." + +Udo nodded his head importantly. + +"We must watch her," he announced. + +"We must watch her," agreed Hyacinth. "It may take months----" + +"Did you say months?" said Udo, turning to her excitedly. + +"Yes, why?" + +"Well, it's----" he gave a deprecating little cough. "I know it's +very silly of me but--oh, well, let's hope it will be all right." + +"Why, whatever is the matter?" + +Udo was decidedly embarrassed. He wriggled. He drew little circles +with his hind paw on the ground and he shot little coy glances at her. + +"Well, I"--and he gave a little nervous giggle--"I have a sort of +uneasy feeling that I may be one of those animals"--he gave another +conscious little laugh--"that have to go to sleep all through the +winter. It would be very annoying--if I"--his paw became very busy +here--"if I had to dig a little hole in the ground, just when the plot +was thickening." + +"Oh, but you won't," said Hyacinth, in distress. + +They were both silent for a moment, thinking of the awful +possibilities. Udo's tail had fallen across Hyacinth's lap, and she +began to play with it absently. + +"Anyway," she said hopefully, "it's only July now." + +"Ye--es," said Udo. "I suppose I should get--er--busy about November. +We ought to find out something before then. First of all we'd +better---- Oh!" He started up in dismay. "I've just had a +_horrible_ thought. Don't I have to collect a little store of nuts +and things?" + +"Surely----" + +"I should have to start that pretty soon," said Udo thoughtfully. +"You know, I shouldn't be very handy at it. Climbing about after +nuts," he went on dreamily, "what a life for a----" + +"Oh, don't!" pleaded Hyacinth. "Surely only squirrels do that?" + +"Yes--yes. Now, if I were a squirrel. I should--may I have my tail +for a moment?" + +"Oh, I'm so sorry," said Hyacinth, very much confused as she realised +the liberty she had been taking, and she handed his tail back to him. + +"Not at all," said Udo. + +He took it firmly in his right hand. "Now then," he said, "we shall +see. Watch this." + +Sitting on his back legs he arched his tail over his head, and letting +go of it suddenly, began to nibble at a sandwich held in his two front +paws. . . . + +A pretty picture for an artist. + +But a bad model. The tail fell with a thud to the ground. + +"There!" said Udo triumphantly. "That proves it. I'm _not_ a +squirrel." + +"Oh, I'm so glad," said Hyacinth, completely convinced, as any one +would have been, by this demonstration. + +"Yes, well, that's all right then. Now we can make our plans. First +of all we'd better----" He stopped suddenly, and Hyacinth saw that he +was gazing at his tail. + +"Yes?" she said encouragingly. + +He picked up his tail and held it out in front of him. There was a +large knot in the middle of it. + +"Now, _what_ have I forgotten?" he said, rubbing his head +thoughtfully. + +Poor Hyacinth! + +"Oh, dear Prince Udo, I'm so sorry. I'm afraid I did that without +thinking." + +Udo, the gallant gentleman, was not found wanting. + +"A lover's knot," he said, with a graceful incli--no, he stopped in +time. But really, those ears of his made ordinary politeness quite +impossible. + +"Oh, Udo," said Hyacinth impulsively, "if only I could help you to get +back to your proper form again." + +"Yes, if only," said Udo, becoming practical again; "but how are we +going to do it? Just one more watercress sandwich," he said +apologetically; "they go with the ears so well." + +"I shall threaten the Countess," said Hyacinth excitedly. "I shall +tell her that unless she makes the enchanter restore you to your +proper form, I shall put her in prison." + +Udo was not listening. He had gone off into his own thoughts. +"Banana fritters _and_ watercress sandwiches," he was murmuring to +himself. "I suppose I must be the only animal of the kind in the +world." + +"Of course," went on Hyacinth, half to herself, "she might get the +people on her side, the ones that she's bribed. And if she did----" + +"That's all right, that's all right," said Udo grandly. "Leave her to +me. There's something about your watercress that inspires me to do +terrible deeds. I feel a new--whatever I am." + +One gathers reluctantly from this speech that Udo had partaken too +freely. + +"Of course," said Hyacinth, "I could write to my father, who might +send some of his men back, but I shouldn't like to do that. I +shouldn't like him to think that I had failed him." + +"Extraordinary how I take to these things," said Udo, allowing himself +a little more room on the seat. "Perhaps I am a rabbit after all. I +wonder what I should look like behind wire netting." He took another +bite and went on, "I wonder what I should do if I saw a ferret. I +suppose you haven't got a ferret on you, Princess?" + +"I beg your pardon, Prince? I'm afraid I was thinking of something +else. What did you say?" + +"Nothing, nothing. One's thoughts run on." He put his hand out for +the plate, and discovered that it was empty. He settled himself more +comfortably, and seemed to be about to sink into slumber when his +attention was attracted suddenly by the knot in his tail. He picked +it up and began lazily to undo it. "I wish I could lash my tail," he +murmured; "mine seems to be one of the tails that don't lash." He +began very gingerly to feel the tip of it. "I wonder if I've got a +sting anywhere." He closed his eyes, muttering, "Sting Countess neck, +sting all over neck, sting lots stings," and fell peacefully asleep. + +It was a disgraceful exhibition. Roger Scurvilegs tries to slur it +over; talks about the great heat of the sun, and the notorious effect +of even one or two watercress sandwiches on an empty--on a man who has +had nothing to eat for several days. This is to palter with the +facts. The effect of watercress sandwiches upon Udo's arrangements +(however furnished) we have all just seen for ourselves; but what +Roger neglects to lay stress upon is the fact that it was the effect +of twenty-one or twenty-two watercress sandwiches. There is no +denying that it was a disgraceful exhibition. If I had been there, I +should certainly have written to his father about it. + +Hyacinth looked at him uneasily. Her first feeling was one of +sympathy. "Poor fellow," she thought, "he's had a hard time lately." +But it is a strain on the sympathy to gaze too long on a mixture of +lion, rabbit, and woolly lamb, particularly when the rabbit part has +its mouth open and is snoring gently. + +Besides, what could she do with him? She had two of them on her hands +now: the Countess and the Prince. Belvane was in an even better +position than before. She could now employ Udo to help her in her +plots against the Princess. "Grant to me so and so, or I'll keep the +enchantment for ever on his Royal Highness." And what could a poor +girl do? + +Well, she would have to come to some decision in the future. +Meanwhile the difficulties of the moment were enough. The most +obvious difficulty was his bedroom. Was it quite the sort of room he +wanted now? Hyacinth realised suddenly that to be hostess to such a +collection of animals as Udo was would require all the tact she +possessed. Perhaps he would tell her what he wanted when he woke up. +Better let him sleep peacefully now. + +She looked at him, smiled in spite of herself, and went quickly down +into the Palace. + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +"PINK" RHYMES WITH "THINK" + +Udo awoke, slightly refreshed, and decided to take a firm line with +the Countess at once. He had no difficulty about finding his way down +to her. The Palace seemed to be full of servants, all apparently busy +about something which brought them for a moment in sight of the newly +arrived Prince, and then whisked them off, hand to mouth and shoulders +shaking. By one of these, with more control over her countenance than +the others, an annoyed Udo was led into Belvane's garden. + +She was walking up and down the flagged walk between her lavender +hedges, and as he came in she stopped and rested her elbows on her +sundial, and looked mockingly at him, waiting for him to speak. +"Between the showers I mark the hours," said the sundial (on the +suggestion of Belvane one wet afternoon), but for the moment the +Countess was in the way. + +"Ah, here we are," said Udo in rather a nasty voice. + +"Here we are," said Belvane sweetly. "All of us." + +Suddenly she began to laugh. + +"Oh, Prince Udo," she said, "you'll be the death of me. Count me as +one more of your victims." + +It is easy to be angry with any one who will laugh at you all the +time, but difficult to be effective; particularly when--but we need +not dwell upon Udo's handicap again. + +"I don't see anything to laugh at," he said stiffly. "To intelligent +people the outside appearance is not everything." + +"But it can be very funny, can't it?" said Belvane coaxingly. "I +wished for something humorous to happen to you, but I never +thought----" + +"Ah," said Udo, "now we've got it." + +He spoke with an air of a clever cross-examiner who has skilfully +extracted an admission from a reluctant witness. This sort of tone +goes best with one of those keen legal faces; perhaps that is why +Belvane laughed again. + +"You practically confess that you did it," went on Udo magnificently. + +"Did what?" + +"Turned me into a--a----" + +"A rabbit?" said Belvane innocently. + +A foolish observation like this always pained Udo. + +"What makes you think I'm a rabbit?" he asked. + +"I don't mind what you are, but you'll never dare show yourself in the +country like this." + +"Be careful, woman; don't drive me too far. Beware lest you rouse the +lion in me." + +"Where?" asked Belvane, with a child-like air. + +With a gesture full of dignity and good breeding Udo called attention +to his tail. + +"That," said the Countess, "is not the part of the lion that I'm +afraid of." + +For the moment Udo was nonplussed, but he soon recovered himself. + +"Even supposing--just for the sake of argument--that I am a rabbit, I +still have something up my sleeve; I'll come and eat your young +carnations." + +Belvane adored her garden, but she was sustained by the thought that +it was only July just now. She pointed this out to him. + +"It needn't necessarily be carnations," he warned her. + +"I don't want to put my opinion against one who has (forgive me) +inside knowledge on the subject, but I think I have nothing in my +garden at this moment that would agree with a rabbit." + +"I don't mind if it _doesn't_ agree with me," said Udo heroically. + +This was more serious. Her dear garden in which she composed, ruined +by the mastications--machinations--what was the word?--of an enemy! +The thought was unbearable. + +"You aren't a rabbit," she said hastily; "you aren't really a rabbit. +Because--because you don't _woffle_ your nose properly." + +"I could," said Udo simply. "I'm just keeping it back, that's all." + +"Show me how," cried Belvane, clasping her hands eagerly together. + +It was not what he had come into the garden for, and it accorded ill +with the dignity of the Royal House of Araby, but somehow one got led +on by this wicked woman. + +"Like this," said Udo. + +The Countess looked at him critically with her head on one side. + +"No," she said, "that's quite wrong." + +"Naturally I'm a little out of practice." + +"I'm sorry," said Belvane. "I'm afraid I can't pass you." + +Udo couldn't think what had happened to the conversation. With a +great effort he extracted himself from it. + +"Enough of this, Countess," he said sternly. "I have your admission +that it was you who put this enchantment on me." + +"It was I. I wasn't going to have you here interfering with my +plans." + +"Your plans to rob the Princess." + +Belvane felt that it was useless to explain the principles of +largesse-throwing to Udo. There will always be men like Udo and Roger +Scurvilegs who take these narrow matter-of-fact views. One merely +wastes time in arguing with them. + +"My plans," she repeated. + +"Very well. I shall go straight to the Princess, and she will unmask +you before the people." + +Belvane smiled happily. One does not often get such a chance. + +"And who," she asked sweetly, "will unmask your Royal Highness before +the people, so that they may see the true Prince Udo underneath?" + +"What do you mean?" said Udo, though he was beginning to guess. + +"That noble handsome countenance which is so justly the pride of +Araby--how shall we show that to the people? They'll form such a +mistaken idea of it if they all see you like this, won't they?" + +Udo was quite sure now that he understood. Hyacinth had understood at +the very beginning. + +[Illustration: _He forgot his manners, and made a jump towards her_] + +[Illustration: _She glided gracefully behind the sundial in a pretty +affectation of alarm_] + +"You mean that if the Princess Hyacinth falls in with your plans, you +will restore me to my proper form, but that otherwise you will leave +me like this?" + +"One's actions are very much misunderstood," sighed Belvane. "I've no +doubt that that is how it will appear to future historians." + +(To Roger, certainly.) + +It was too much for Udo. He forgot his manners and made a jump +towards her. She glided gracefully behind the sundial in a pretty +affectation of alarm . . . and the next moment Udo decided that the +contest between them was not to be settled by such rough-and-tumble +methods as these. The fact that his tail had caught in something +helped him to decide. + +Belvane was up to him in an instant. + +"There, there!" she said soothingly, "Let _me_ undo it for your Royal +Highness." She talked pleasantly as she worked at it. "Every little +accident teaches us something. Now if you'd been a rabbit this +wouldn't have happened." + +"No, I'm not even a rabbit," said Udo sadly. "I'm just nothing." + +Belvane stood up and made him a deep curtsey. + +"You are his Royal Highness Prince Udo of Araby. Your Royal +Highness's straw is prepared. When will your Royal Highness be +pleased to retire?" + +It was a little unkind, I think. I should not record it of her were +not Roger so insistent. + +"Now," said Udo, and lolloped sadly off. It was his one really +dignified moment in Euralia. + +On his way to his apartment he met Wiggs. + +"Wiggs," he said solemnly, "if ever you can do anything to annoy that +woman, such as making her an apple-pie bed, or _anything_ like that, I +wish you'd do it." + +Whereupon he retired for the night. Into the mysteries of his toilet +we had perhaps better not inquire. + + * * * * * + +As the chronicler of these simple happenings many years ago, it is my +duty to be impartial. "These are the facts," I should say, "and it is +for your nobilities to judge of them. Thus and thus my characters +have acted; how say you, my lords and ladies?" + +I confess that this attitude is beyond me; I have a fondness for all +my people, and I would not have you misunderstand any of them. But +with regard to one of them there is no need for me to say anything in +her defence. About her at any rate we agree. + +I mean Wiggs. We take the same view as Hyacinth: she was the best +little girl in Euralia. It will come then as a shock to you (as it +did to me on the morning after I had staggered home with Roger's +seventeen volumes) to learn that on her day Wiggs could be as bad as +anybody. I mean really bad. To tear your frock, to read books which +you ought to be dusting, these are accidents which may happen to +anybody. Far otherwise was Wiggs's fall. + +She adopted, in fact, the infamous suggestion of Prince Udo. Three +nights later, with malice aforethought and to the comfort of the +King's enemies and the prejudice of the safety of the realm, she made +an apple-pie bed for the Countess. + +It was the most perfect apple-pie bed ever made. Cox himself could +not have improved upon it; Newton has seen nothing like it. It took +Wiggs a whole morning; and the results, though private (that is the +worst of an apple-pie bed), were beyond expectation. After wrestling +for half an hour the Countess spent the night in a garden hammock, +composing a bitter Ode to Melancholy. + +Of course Wiggs caught it in the morning; the Countess suspected what +she could not prove. Wiggs, now in for a thoroughly bad week, +realised that it was her turn again. What should she do? + +An inspiration came to her. She had been really bad the day before; +it was a pity to waste such perfect badness as that. Why not have the +one bad wish to which the ring entitled her? + +She drew the ring out from its hiding-place round her neck. + +"I wish," she said, holding it up, "I wish that the Countess +Belvane----" she stopped to think of something that would really annoy +her--"I wish that the Countess shall never be able to write another +rhyme again." + +She held her breath, expecting a thunderclap or some other outward +token of the sudden death of Belvane's muse. Instead she was struck by +the extraordinary silence of the place. She had a horrid feeling that +everybody else was dead, and realising all at once that she was a very +wicked little girl, she ran up to her room and gave herself up to +tears. + +MAY YOU, DEAR SIR OR MADAM, REPENT AS QUICKLY! + +However, this is not a moral work. An hour later Wiggs came into +Belvane's garden, eager to discover in what way her inability to rhyme +would manifest itself. It seemed that she had chosen the exact +moment. + +In the throes of composition Belvane had quite forgotten the apple-pie +bed, so absorbing is our profession. She welcomed Wiggs eagerly, and +taking her hand led her towards the roses. + +"I have just been talking to my dear roses," she said. "Listen: + + _Whene'er I take my walks about,_ + _I like to see the roses out;_ + _I like them yellow, white, and pink,_ + _But crimson are the best, I think._ + _The butterfly----_" + +But we shall never know about the butterfly. It may be that Wiggs has +lost us here a thought on lepidoptera which the world can ill spare; +for she interrupted breathlessly. + +"When did you write that?" + +"I was just making it up when you came in, dear child. These thoughts +often come to me as I walk up and down my beautiful garden. '_The +butterfly----_'" + +But Wiggs had let go her hand and was running back to the Palace. She +wanted to be alone to think this out. + +What had happened? That it was truly a magic ring, as the fairy had +told her, she had no doubt; that her wish was a bad one, that she had +been bad enough to earn it, she was equally certain. What then had +happened? There was only one answer to her question. The bad wish +had been granted to someone else. + +To whom? She had lent the ring to nobody. True, she had told the +Princess all about it, but---- + +Suddenly she remembered. The Countess had had it in her hands for a +moment. Yes, and she had sent her out of the room, and-- + +So many thoughts crowded into Wiggs's mind at this moment that she +felt she must share them with somebody. She ran off to find the +Princess. + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +"WHY CAN'T YOU BE LIKE WIGGS?" + +Hyacinth was with Udo in the library. Udo spent much of his time in +the library nowadays; for surely in one of those many books was to be +found some Advice to a Gentleman in Temporary Difficulties suitable to +a case like his. Hyacinth kept him company sadly. It had been such a +brilliant idea inviting him to Euralia; how she wished now that she +had never done it. + +"Well, Wiggs," she said, with a gentle smile, "what have you been +doing with yourself all the morning?" + +Udo looked up from his mat and nodded to her. + +"I've found out," said Wiggs excitedly; "it was the _Countess_ who did +it." + +Udo surveyed her with amazement. + +"The Princess Hyacinth," he said, "has golden hair. One discovers +these things gradually." And he returned to his book. + +Wiggs looked bewildered. + +"He means, dear," said Hyacinth, "that it is quite obvious that the +Countess did it, and we have known about it for days." + +Udo wore, as far as his face would permit, the slightly puffy +expression of one who has just said something profoundly ironical and +is feeling self-conscious about it. + +"Oh--h," said Wiggs in such a disappointed voice that it seemed as if +she were going to cry. + +Hyacinth, like the dear that she was, made haste to comfort her. + +"We didn't really _know_," she said; "we only guessed it. But now +that you have found out, I shall be able to punish her properly. No, +don't come with me," she said, as she rose and moved towards the door; +"stay here and help his Royal Highness. Perhaps you can find the book +that he wants; you've read more of them than I have, I expect." + +Left alone with the Prince, Wiggs was silent for a little, looking at +him rather anxiously. + +"Do you know _all_ about the Countess?" she asked at last. + +"If there's anything I don't know, it must be _very_ bad." + +"Then you know that it's all my fault that you are like this? Oh, +dear Prince Udo, I am so dreadfully sorry." + +"What do you mean--_your_ fault?" + +"Because it was my ring that did it." + +Udo scratched his head in a slightly puzzled but quite a nice way. + +"Tell me all about it from the beginning," he said. "You have found +out something after all, I believe." + +So Wiggs told her story from the beginning. How the fairy had given +her a ring; how the Countess had taken it from her for five minutes +and had a bad wish on it; and how Wiggs had found her out that very +morning. + +Udo was intensely excited by the story. He trotted up and down the +library, muttering to himself. He stopped in front of Wiggs as soon +as she had finished. + +"Is the ring still going?" he asked. "I mean, can you have another +wish on it?" + +"Yes, just one." + +"Then wish her to be turned into a----" He tried to think of +something that would meet the case. "What about a spider?" he said +thoughtfully. + +"But that's a _bad_ wish," said Wiggs. + +"Yes, but it's _her_ turn." + +"Oh, but I'm only allowed a good wish now." She added rapturously, +"And I know what it's going to be." + +So did Udo. At least he thought he did. + +"Oh, you dear," he said, casting an affectionate look on her. + +"Yes, that's it. That I might be able to dance like a fairy." + +Udo could hardly believe his ears, and they were adequate enough for +most emergencies. + +"But how is that going to help _me?_" he said, tapping his chest with +his paw. + +"But it's _my_ ring," said Wiggs. "And so of course I'm going to wish +that I can dance like a fairy. I've always meant to, as soon as I've +been good for a day first." + +The child was absurdly selfish. Udo saw that he would have to appeal +to her in another way. + +"Of course," he began, "I've nothing to say against dancing _as_ +dancing, but I think you'll get tired of it. Just as I shall get +tired of--lettuce." + +Wiggs understood now. + +"You mean that I might wish you to be a Prince again?" + +"Well," said Udo casually, "it just occurred to me as an example of +what might be called the Good Wish." + +"Then I shall never be able to dance like a fairy?" + +"Neither shall I, if it comes to that," said Udo. Really, the child +was very stupid. + +"Oh, it's too cruel," said Wiggs, stamping her foot. "I did so want +to be able to dance." + +Udo glanced gloomily into the future. + +"To live for ever behind wire netting," he mused; "to be eternally +frightened by pink-eyed ferrets; to be offered +bran-mash--bran-mash--bran-mash wherever one visited week after week, +month after month, year after year, century after--how long _do_ +rabbits live?" + +But Wiggs was not to be moved. + +"I _won't_ give up my wish," she said passionately. + +Udo got on to his four legs with dignity. + +"Keep your wish," he said. "There are plenty of other ways of getting +out of enchantments. I'll learn up a piece of poetry by our Court +Poet Sacharino, and recite it backwards when the moon is new. +Something like that. I can do this quite easily by myself. Keep your +wish." + +He went slowly out. His tail (looking more like a bell-rope than +ever) followed him solemnly. The fluffy part that you pull was for a +moment left behind; then with a jerk it was gone, and Wiggs was left +alone. + +"I won't give up my wish," cried Wiggs again. "I'll wish it now +before I'm sorry." She held the ring up. "I wish that----" She +stopped suddenly. "Poor Prince Udo he seems very unhappy. I wonder +if it _is_ a good wish to wish to dance when people are unhappy." She +thought this out for a little, and then made her great resolve. +"Yes," she said, "I'll wish him well again." + +Once more she held the ring up in her two hands. + +"I wish," she said, "that Prince Udo----" + +I know what you're going to say. It was no good her wishing her good +wish, because she had been a bad girl the day before--making the +Countess an apple-pie bed and all--disgraceful! How could she +possibly suppose---- + +She didn't. She remembered just in time. + +"Oh, bother," said Wiggs, standing in the middle of the room with the +ring held above her head. "I've got to be good for a day first. +_Bother!_" + + * * * * * + +So the next day was Wiggs's Good Day. The legend of it was handed +down for years afterwards in Euralia. It got into all the +Calendars--July 20th it was--marked with a red star; in Roger's +portentous volumes it had a chapter devoted to it. There was some +talk about it being made into a public holiday, he tells us, but this +fell through. Euralian mothers used to scold their naughty children +with the words, "Why can't you be like Wiggs?" and the children used +to tell each other that there never was a real Wiggs, and that it was +only a made-up story for parents. However, you have my word for it +that it was true. + +She began by getting up at five o'clock in the morning, and after +dressing herself very neatly (and being particularly careful to wring +out her sponge) she made her own bed and tidied up the room. For a +moment she thought of waking the grown-ups in the Palace and letting +them enjoy the beautiful morning too, but a little reflection showed +her that this would not be at all a kindly act; so, having dusted the +Throne Room and performed a few simple physical exercises, she went +outside and attended to the smaller domestic animals. + +[Illustration: _When anybody of superior station or age came into the +room she rose and curtsied_] + +At breakfast she had three helps of something very nutritious, which +the Countess said would make her grow, but only one help of everything +else. She sat up nicely all the time, and never pointed to anything +or drank with her mouth full. After breakfast she scattered some +crumbs on the lawn for the robins, and then got to work again. + +First she dusted and dusted and dusted; then she swept and swept and +swept; then she sewed and sewed and sewed. When anybody of superior +station or age came into the room she rose and curtsied and stood with +her hands behind her back, while she was being spoken to. When +anybody said, "I wonder where I put my so-and-so," she jumped up and +said, "Let _me_ fetch it," even if it was upstairs. + +After dinner she made up a basket of provisions and took them to the +old women who lived near the castle; to some of them she sang or read +aloud, and when at one cottage she was asked, "Now won't you give me a +little dance," she smiled bravely and said, "I'm afraid I don't dance +very well." I think that was rather sweet of her; if I had been the +fairy I should have let her off the rest of the day. + +When she got back to the Palace she drank two glasses of warm milk, +with the skin on, and then went and weeded the Countess's lawn; and +once when she trod by accident on a bed of flowers, she left the +footprint there instead of scraping it over hastily, and pretending +that she hadn't been near the place, as you would have done. + +And at half-past six she kissed everybody good-night (including Udo) +and went to bed. + +So ended July the Twentieth, perhaps the most memorable day in +Euralian history. + + * * * * * + +Udo and Hyacinth spent the great day peacefully in the library. A +gentleman for all his fur, Udo had not told the Princess about Wiggs's +refusal to help him. Besides, a man has his dignity. To be turned +into a mixture of three animals by a woman of thirty, and to be turned +back again by a girl of ten, is to be too much the plaything of the +sex. It was time he did something for himself. + +"Now then, how did that bit of Sacharino's go? Let me see." He beat +time with a paw. "'Blood for something, something, some----' +Something like that. 'Blood for--er--blood for--er----' No, it's +gone again. I know there was a bit of blood in it." + +"I'm sure you'll get it soon," said Hyacinth. "It sounds as thought +it's going to be just the sort of thing that's wanted." + +"Oh, I shall get it all right. Some of the words have escaped me for +the moment, that's all. 'Blood--er--blood.' You must have heard of +it, Princess: it's about blood for he who something; you must know the +one I mean. + +"I know I've heard of it," said the Princess, wrinkling her forehead, +"only I can't quite think of it for the moment. It's about a--a----" + +"Yes, that's it," said Udo. + +Then they both looked up at the ceiling with their heads on one side +and murmured to themselves. + +But noon came and still they hadn't thought of it. + +After a simple meal they returned to the library. + +"I think I'd better write to Coronel," said Udo, "and ask him about +it." + +"I thought you said his name was Sacharino." + +"Oh, this is not the poet, it's just a friend of mine, but he's rather +good at this sort of thing. The trouble is that it takes such a long +time for a letter to get there and back." + +At the word "letter," Hyacinth started suddenly. + +"Oh, Prince Udo," she cried, "I can never forgive myself. I've just +remembered the very thing. Father told me in his letter that a little +couplet he once wrote was being very useful for--er--removing things." + +"What sort of things?" said Udo, not too hopefully. + +"Oh, enchantments and things." + +Udo was a little annoyed at the "and things"--as those turning him +back into a Prince again was as much in the day's work as removing +rust from a helmet. + +"It goes like this," said Hyacinth. + + "_Bo, boll, bill, bole._ + _Wo, woll, will, wole._" + +"It sounds as though it would remove _anything_," she added, with a +smile. + +Udo sat up rather eagerly. + +"I'll try," he said. "Is there any particular action that goes with +it?" + +"I've never heard of any. I expect you ought to say it as if you +meant it." + +Udo sat up on his back paws, and, gesticulating freely with his right +paw, declaimed: + + "_Bo, boll, bill, bole._ + _Wo, woll, will, wole._" + +He fixed his eyes on his paws, waiting for the transformation. + +He waited. + +And waited. + +Nothing happened. + +"It must be all right," said Hyacinth anxiously, "because I'm sure +Father would know. Try saying it more like this." + +She repeated the lines in a voice so melting, yet withal so dignified, +that the very chairs might have been expected to get up and walk out. + +Udo imitated her as well as he could. + +At about the time when Wiggs was just falling asleep, he repeated it +in his fiftieth different voice. + +"I'm sorry," said Hyacinth; "perhaps it isn't so good as Father +thought it was." + +"There's just one chance," said Udo. "It's possible it may have to be +said on an empty stomach. I'll try it to-morrow before breakfast." + +Upstairs Wiggs was dreaming of the dancing that she had given up for +ever. + +And what Belvane was doing I really don't know. + + + +CHAPTER XV + +THERE IS A LOVER WAITING FOR HYACINTH + +So the next morning before breakfast Wiggs went up on to the castle +walls and wished. She looked over the meadows, and across the +peaceful stream that wandered through them, to the forest where she +had met her fairy, and she gave a little sigh. "Good-bye, dancing," +she said; and then she held the ring up and went on bravely, "Please I +was a very good girl all yesterday, and I wish that Prince Udo may be +well again." + +For a full minute there was silence. Then from the direction of Udo's +room below there came these remarkable words: + +"_Take the beastly stuff away, and bring me a beefsteak and a flagon +of sack!_" + +Between smiles and tears Wiggs murmured, "He _sounds_ all right. I +_am_ g--glad." + +And then she could bear it no longer. She hurried down and out of the +Palace--away, away from Udo and the Princess and the Countess and all +their talk, to the cool friendly forest, there to be alone and to +think over all that she had lost. + +It was very quiet in the forest. At the foot of her own favourite +tree, a veteran of many hundred summers who stood sentinel over an +open glade that dipped to a gurgling brook and climbed gently away +from it, she sat down. On the soft green yonder she might have +danced, an enchanted place, and now--never, never, never. . . . + +How long had she sat there? It must have been a long time--because +the forest had been so quiet, and now it was so full of sound. The +trees were murmuring something to her, and the birds were singing it, +and the brook was trying to tell it too, but it would keep chuckling +over the very idea so that you could hardly hear what it was saying, +and there were rustlings in the grass--"Get up, get up," everything +was calling to her; "dance, dance." + +She got up, a little frightened. Everything seemed so strangely +beautiful. She had never felt it like this before. Yes, she would +dance. She must say, "Thank you," for all this somehow; perhaps they +would excuse her if it was not very well expressed. + +"This will just be for 'Thank you'" she said as she got up. "I shall +never dance again." + +[Illustration: _And then she danced_] + +And then she danced. . . . + +_Where are you, Hyacinth? There is a lover waiting for you somewhere, +my dear._ + +It is the first of Spring. The blackbird opens his yellow beak, and +whistles cool and clear. There is blue magic in the morning; the sky, +deep-blue above, melts into white where it meets the hills. The wind +waits for you up yonder--will you go to meet it? Ah, stay here! The +hedges have put on their green coats for you; misty green are the tall +elms from which the rooks are chattering. Along the clean white road, +between the primrose banks, he comes. Will you be round this +corner?----or the next? He is looking for you, Hyacinth. + +(She rested, breathless, and then danced again.) + +It is summer afternoon. All the village is at rest save one. +"Cuck-oo!" comes from the deep dark trees; "Cuck-oo!" he calls again, +and flies away to send back the answer. The fields, all green and +gold, sleep undisturbed by the full river which creeps along them. +The air is heavy with the scent of may. Where are you, Hyacinth? Is +not this the trysting-place? I have waited for you so long! . . . + +She stopped, and the watcher in the bushes moved silently away, his +mind aflame with fancies. + +Wiggs went back to the Palace to tell everybody that she could dance. + + * * * * * + +"Shall we tell her how it happened?" said Udo jauntily. "I just +recited a couple of lines--poetry, you know--backwards, and--well, +here I am!" + +"O----oh!" said Wiggs. + + + +CHAPTER XVI + +BELVANE ENJOYS HERSELF + +The entrance of an attendant into his room that morning to bring him +his early bran-mash had awakened Udo. As soon as she was gone he +jumped up, shook the straw from himself, and said in a very passion of +longing, + + _Bo, boll, bill, bole._ + _Wo, woll, will, wole._ + +He felt it was his last chance. Exhausted by his effort, he fell back +on the straw and dropped asleep again. It was nearly an hour later +that he became properly awake. + +Into his feelings I shall not enter at any length; I leave that to +Roger Scurvilegs. Between ourselves Roger is a bit of a snob. The +degradation to a Prince of Araby to be turned into an animal so +ludicrous, the delight of a Prince of Araby at regaining his own form, +it is this that he chiefly dwells upon. Really, I think you or I +would have been equally delighted. I am sure we can guess how Udo +felt about it. + +He strutted about the room, he gazed at himself in every glass, he +held out his hand to an imaginary Hyacinth with "Ah, dear Princess, +and how are we this morning?" Never had he felt so handsome and so +sure of himself. It was in the middle of one of his pirouettings, +that he caught sight of the unfortunate bran-mash, and uttered the +remarkable words which I have already recorded. + +The actual meeting with Hyacinth was even better than he had expected. +Hardly able to believe that it was true, she seized his hands +impulsively and cried: + +"Oh, Prince Udo! oh, my dear, I _am_ so glad!" + +Udo twirled his moustache and felt a very gay dog indeed. + +At breakfast (where Udo did himself extremely well) they discussed +plans. The first thing was to summon the Countess into their +presence. An attendant was sent to fetch her. + +"If you would like me to conduct the interview," said Udo, "I've no +doubt that----" + +"I think I shall be all right now that you are with me. I shan't feel +so afraid of her now." + +The attendant came in again. + +"Her ladyship is not yet down, your Royal Highness." + +"Tell her that I wish to see her directly she _is_ down," said the +Princess. + +The attendant withdrew. + +"You were telling me about this army of hers," said Udo. "One of my +ideas--I had a good many while I was--er--in retirement--was that she +could establish the army properly at her own expense, and that she +herself should be perpetual orderly-sergeant." + +"Isn't that a nice thing to be?" asked Hyacinth innocently. + +"It's a _horrible_ thing to be. Another of my ideas was that----" + +The attendant came in again. + +"Her ladyship is a little indisposed, and is staying in bed for the +present." + +"Oh! Did her ladyship say when she thought of getting up?" + +"Her ladyship didn't seem to think of getting up at all to-day. Her +ladyship told me to say that she didn't seem to know _when_ she'd get +up again." + +The attendant withdrew, and Hyacinth and Udo, standing together in a +corner, discussed the matter anxiously. + +"I don't quite see what we can _do_," said Hyacinth. "We can't _pull_ +her out of bed. Besides, she may really be ill. Supposing she stays +there for ever!" + +"Of course," said Udo. "It would be rather----" + +"You see if we----" + +"We might possibly----" + +"_Good_ morning, all!" said Belvane, sweeping into the room. She +dropped a profound curtsey to the Princess. "Your Royal Highness! +And dear Prince Udo, looking his own charming self again!" + +She had made a superb toilet. In her flowing gold brocade, cut square +in front to reveal the whitest of necks, with her black hair falling +in two braids to her knees and twined with pearls which were caught up +in loops at her waist, she looked indeed a Queen; while Hyacinth and +Udo, taken utterly by surprise, seemed to be two conspirators whom she +had caught in the act of plotting against her. + +[Illustration: _"Good morning," said Belvane_] + +"I--I thought you weren't well, Countess," said Hyacinth, trying to +recover herself. + +"I not well?" cried Belvane, clasping her hands to her breast. "I +thought it was his Royal Highness who---- Ah, but he's looking a true +Prince now." + +She turned her eyes upon him, and there was in that look so much of +admiration, humour, appeal, impudence--I don't know what (and Roger +cannot tell us, either)--that Udo forgot entirely what he was going to +say and could only gaze at her in wonder. + +Her mere entry dazzled him. There is no knowing with a woman like +Belvane; and I believe she had purposely kept herself plain during +these last few days so that she might have the weapon of her beauty to +fall back upon in case anything went wrong. Things had indeed gone +wrong; Udo had become a man again; and it was against the man that +this last weapon was directed. + +Udo himself was only too ready. The fact that he was once more +attractive to women meant as much as anything to him. To have been +attractive to Hyacinth would have contented most of us, but Udo felt a +little uncomfortable with her. He could not forget the last few days, +nor the fact that he had once been an object of pity to her. Now +Belvane had not pitied him. + +Hyacinth had got control of herself by this time. + +"Enough of this, Countess," she said with dignity. "We have not +forgotten the treason which you were plotting against the State; we +have not forgotten your base attack upon our guest, Prince Udo. I +order you now to remain within the confines of the Palace until we +shall have decided what to do with you. You may leave us." + +Belvane dropped her eyes meekly. + +"I am at your Royal Highness's commands. I shall be in my garden when +your Royal Highness wants me." + +She raised her eyes, gave one fleeting glance to Prince Udo, and +withdrew. + +"A hateful woman," said Hyacinth. "What shall we do with her?" + +"I think," said Udo, "that I had better speak to her seriously first. +I have no doubt that I can drag from her the truth of her conspiracy +against you. There may be others in it, in which case we shall have +to proceed with caution; on the other hand, it may be just misplaced +zeal on her part, in which case----" + +"Was it misplaced zeal which made her turn you into a----?" + +Udo held up his hand hastily. + +"I have not forgotten that," he said. "Be sure that I shall exact +full reparation. Let me see; _which_ is the way to her garden?" + +Hyacinth did not know quite what to make of her guest. At the moment +when she first saw him in his proper form the improvement on his late +appearance had been so marked that he had seemed almost the handsome +young Prince of her dreams. Every minute after that had detracted +from him. His face was too heavy, his manner was too pompous; one of +these days he would be too fat. + +Moreover he was just a little too sure of his position in her house. +She had wanted his help, but she did not want so much of it as she +seemed to be likely to get. + +Udo, feeling that it was going to be rather a nice day, went into +Belvane's garden. He had been there once before; it seemed to him a +very much prettier garden this morning, and the woman who was again +awaiting him much more desirable. + +Belvane made room for him on the seat next to her. + +"This is where I sit when I write my poetry," she said. "I don't know +if your Royal Highness is fond of poetry?" + +"Extremely," said Udo. "I have never actually written any or indeed +read much, but I have a great admiration for those who--er--admire it. +But it was not to talk about poetry that I came out here, Countess." + +"No?" said Belvane. "But your Royal Highness must have read the works +of Sacharino, the famous bard of Araby?" + +"Sacharino, of course. 'Blood for something, something----He who +something----' I mean, it's a delightful little thing. Everybody +knows it. But it was to talk about something very different that +I----" + + "_Blood for blood and shoon for shoon,_ + _He who runs may read my rune,_" + +quoted Belvane softly. "It is perhaps Sacharino's most perfect gem." + +"That's it," cried Udo excitedly. "I knew I knew it, if only I +could----" He broke off suddenly, remembering the circumstances in +which he had wanted it. He coughed importantly and explained for the +third time that he had not come to talk to her about poetry. + +"But of course I think his most noble poem of all," went on Belvane, +apparently misunderstanding him, "is the ode to your Royal Highness +upon your coming-of-age. Let me see, how does it begin? + + "_Prince Udo, so dashing and bold,_ + _Is apparently eighteen years old._ + _It is eighteen years since_ + _This wonderful Prince_ + _Was born in the Palace, I'm told._" + +"These Court Poets," said Udo, with an air of unconcern, "flatter one, +of course." + +If he expected a compliment he was disappointed. + +"There I cannot judge," said Belvane, "until I know your Royal +Highness better." She looked at him out of the corner of her eyes. +"Is your Royal Highness very--dashing?" + +"I--er--well--er--one--that is to say." He waded on uncomfortably, +feeling less dashing every moment. He should have realised at once +that it was an impossible question to answer. + +"Your Royal Highness," said Belvane modestly, "must not be too dashing +with us poor Euralians." + +For the fourth time Udo explained that he had come there to speak to +her severely, and that Belvane seemed to have mistaken his purpose. + +"Oh, forgive me, Prince Udo," she begged. "I quite thought that you +had come out to commune soul to soul with a fellow-lover of the +beautiful." + +"N--no," said Udo; "not exactly." + +"Then what is it?" she cried, clasping her hands eagerly together. "I +know it will be something exciting." + +Udo stood up. He felt that he could be more severe a little farther +off. He moved a few yards away, and then turned round towards her, +resting his elbow on the sundial. + +"Countess," he began sternly, "ten days ago, as I was starting on my +journey hither, I was suddenly----" + +"Just a moment," said Belvane, whispering eagerly to herself rather +than to him, and she jumped up with a cushion from the seat where she +was sitting, and ran across and arranged it under his elbow. "He +would have been _so_ uncomfortable," she murmured, and she hurried +back to her seat again and sat down and gazed at him, with her elbows +on her knees and her chin resting on her hands. "Now go on telling +me," she said breathlessly. + +Udo opened his mouth with the obvious intention of obeying her, but no +words came. He seemed to have lost the thread of his argument. He +felt a perfect fool, stuck up there with his elbow on a cushion, just +as if he were addressing a public meeting. He looked at his elbow as +if he expected to find a glass of water there ready, and Belvane +divined his look and made a movement as if she were about to get it +for him. It would be just like her. He flung the cushion from him +("Oh, mind my roses," cried Belvane) and came down angrily to her. +Belvane looked at him with wide, innocent eyes. + +"You--you--oh, _don't_ look like that!" + +"Like that?" said Belvane, looking like it again. + +"Don't _do_ it," shouted Udo, and he turned and kicked the cushion +down the flagged path. "Stop it." + +Belvane stopped it. + +"Do you know," she said, "I'm rather frightened of you when you're +angry with me." + +"I _am_ angry. Very, very angry. Excessively annoyed." + +"I thought you were," she sighed. + +"And you know very well why." + +She nodded her head at him. + +"It's my dreadful temper," she said. "I do such thoughtless things +when I lose my temper." + +She sighed again and looked meekly at the ground. + +"Er, well, you shouldn't," said Udo weakly. + +"It was the slight to my sex that made me so angry. I couldn't bear +to think that we women couldn't rule ourselves for such a short time, +and that a man had to be called in to help us." She looked up at him +shyly. "Of course I didn't know then what the man was going to be +like. But now that I know----" + +Suddenly she held her arms out to him beseechingly. + +"Stay with us, Prince Udo, and help us! Men are so wise, so brave, +so--so generous. They know nothing of the little petty feelings of +revenge that women indulge." + +"Really, Countess, we--er--you--er---- Of course there is a good deal +in what you say, and I--er----" + +"Won't you sit down again, Prince Udo?" + +Udo sat down next to her. + +"And now," said Belvane, "let's talk it over comfortably as friends +should." + +"Of course," began Udo, "I quite see your point. You hadn't seen me; +you didn't know anything about me; to you I might have been just any +man." + +"I knew a little about you when you came here. Beneath +the--er--outward mask I saw how brave and dignified you were. But +even if I could have got you back into your proper form again, I think +I should have been afraid to; because I didn't know then how generous, +how forgiving you were." + +It seemed to be quite decided that Udo was forgiving her. When a very +beautiful woman thanks you humbly for something you have not yet given +her, there is only one thing for a gentleman to do. Udo patted her +hand reassuringly. + +"Oh, thank you, your Royal Highness." She gave herself a little shake +and jumped up. "And now shall I show you my beautiful garden?" + +"A garden with you in it, dear Countess, is always beautiful," he said +gallantly. And it was not bad, I think, for a man who had been living +on watercress and bran-mash only the day before. + +They wandered round the garden together. Udo was now quite certain it +was going to be a nice day. + +It was an hour later when he came into the library. Hyacinth greeted +him eagerly. + +"Well?" she said. + +Udo nodded his head wisely. + +"I have spoken to her about her conduct to me," he said. "There will +be no more trouble in that direction, I fancy. She explained her +conduct to me very fully, and I have decided to overlook it this +time." + +"But her robberies, her plots, her conspiracy against _me!_" + +Udo looked blankly at her for a moment and then pulled himself +together. + +"I am speaking to her about that this afternoon," he said. + + + +CHAPTER XVII + +THE KING OF BARODIA DROPS THE WHISKER HABIT + +King Merriwig sat in his tent, his head held well back, his eyes +gazing upwards. His rubicund cheeks were for the moment a snowy +white. A hind of the name of Carlo had him firmly by the nose. Yet +King Merriwig neither struggled nor protested; he was, in fact, being +shaved. + +The Court Barber was in his usual conversational mood. He released +his Majesty's nose for a moment, and, as he turned to sharpen his +razor, remarked, + +"Terrible war, this." + +"Terrible," agreed the King. + +"Don't seem no end to it, like." + +"Well, well," said Merriwig, "we shall see." + +The barber got to work again. + +"Do you know what I should do to the King of Barodia if I had him +here?" + +Merriwig did not dare to speak, but he indicated with his right eye +that he was interested in the conversation. + +"I'd shave his whiskers off," said Carlo firmly. + +The King gave a sudden jerk, and for the moment there were signs of a +battle upon the snow; then the King leant back again, and in another +minute or so the operation was over. + +"It will soon be all right," said Carlo, mopping at his Majesty's +chin. "Your Majesty shouldn't have moved." + +"It was my own fault, Carlo; you gave me a sudden idea, that's all." + +"You're welcome, your Majesty." + +As soon as he was alone the King took out his tablets. On these he +was accustomed to record any great thoughts which occurred to him +during the day. He now wrote in them these noble words: + +"_Jewels of wisdom may fall from the meanest of hinds._" + +He struck a gong to summon the Chancellor into his presence. + +"I have a great idea," he told the Chancellor. + +The Chancellor hid his surprise and expressed his pleasure. + +"To-night I propose to pay a secret visit to his Majesty the King of +Barodia. Which of the many tents yonder have my spies located as the +royal one?" + +"The big on in the centre, above which the Royal Arms fly." + +"I thought as much. Indeed I have often seen his Majesty entering it. +But one prefers to do these things according to custom. Acting on +the information given me by my trusty spies, I propose to enter the +King of Barodia's tent at the dead of night, and----" + +The Chancellor shuddered in anticipation. + +"And shave his whiskers off." + +The Chancellor trembled with delight. + +"Your Majesty," he said in a quavering voice, "forty years, man and +boy, have I served your Majesty, and your Majesty's late lamented +father, and never have I heard such a beautiful plan." + +Merriwig struggled with himself for a moment, but his natural honesty +was too much for him. + +"It was put into my head by a remark of my Court Barber's," he said +casually. "But of course the actual working out of it has been mine." + +"Jewels of wisdom," said the Chancellor sententiously, "may fall from +the meanest of hinds." + +"I suppose," said Merriwig, taking up his tablets and absently +scratching out the words written thereon, "there is nothing in the +rules against it?" + +"By no means, your Majesty. In the annuals of Euralia there are many +instances of humour similar to that which your Majesty suggests: +humour, if I may say so, which, while evidencing to the ignorant only +the lighter side of war, has its roots in the most fundamental +strategical considerations." + +Merriwig regarded him with admiration. This was indeed a Chancellor. + +"The very words," he answered, "which I said to myself when the idea +came to me. 'The fact,' I said, 'that this will help us to win the +war, must not disguise from us the fact that the King of Barodia will +look extremely funny without his whiskers.' To-night I shall sally +forth and put my plan into practice." + +At midnight, then, he started out. The Chancellor awaited his return +with some anxiety. This might well turn out to be the decisive stroke +(or strokes) of the war. For centuries past the ruling monarchs of +Barodia had been famous for their ginger whiskers. "As lost as the +King of Barodia without his whiskers" was indeed a proverb of those +times. A King without a pair, and at such a crisis in his country's +fortunes! It was inconceivable. At the least he would have to live +in retirement until they grew again, and without the leadership of +their King the Barodian army would become a rabble. + +The Chancellor was not distressed at the thought; he was looking +forward to his return to Euralia, where he kept a comfortable house. +It was not that his life in the field was uninteresting; he had as +much work to do as any man. It was part of his business, for +instance, to test the pretentions of any new wizard or spell-monger +who was brought into the camp. Such and such a quack would seek an +interview on the pretext that for five hundred crowns he could turn +the King of Barodia into a small black pig. He would be brought +before the Chancellor. + +"You say that you can turn a man into a small black pig?" the +Chancellor would ask. + +"Yes, your lordship. It came to me from my grandmother." + +"Then turn me," the Chancellor would say simply. + +The so-called wizard would try. As soon as the incantation was over, +the Chancellor surveyed himself in the mirror. Then he nodded to a +couple of soldiers, and the impostor was tied backwards on to a mule +and driven with jeers out of the camp. There were many such impostors +(who at least made a mule out of it), and the Chancellor's life did +not lack excitement. + +But he yearned now for the simple comforts of his home. He liked +pottering about his garden, when his work at the Palace was finished; +he liked, over the last meal of the day, to tell his wife all the +important things he had been doing since he had seen her, and to +impress her with the fact that he was the holder of many state secrets +which she must not attempt to drag from him. A woman of less tact +would have considered the subject closed at this point, but she knew +that he was only longing to be persuaded. However, as she always +found the secrets too dull to tell any one else, no great harm was +done. + +"Just help me off with this cloak," said a voice in front of him. + +The Chancellor felt about until his hands encountered a solid body. +He undid the cloak and the King stood revealed before him. + +"Thanks. Well, I've done it. It went to my heart to do it at the +last moment, so beautiful they were, but I nerved myself to it. Poor +soul, he slept like a lamb through it all. I wonder what he'll say +when he wakes up." + +"Did you bring them back with you?" asked the Chancellor excitedly. + +"My dear Chancellor, what a question!" He produced them from his +pocket. "In the morning we'll run them up on the flagstaff for all +Barodia to see." + +"He won't like that," said the Chancellor, chuckling. + +"I don't quite see what he can do about it," said Merriwig. + + * * * * * + +The King of Barodia didn't quite see either. + +A fit of sneezing woke him up that morning, and at the same moment he +felt a curious draught about his cheeks. He put his hand up and +immediately knew the worst. + +"Hullo, there!" he bellowed to the sentry outside the door. + +"Your Majesty," said the sentry, coming in with alacrity. + +[Illustration: _The tent seemed to swim before his eyes, and he knew +no more_] + +The King bobbed down again at once. + +"Send the Chancellor to me," said an angry voice from under the +bedclothes. + +When the Chancellor came in it was to see the back only of his august +monarch. + +"Chancellor," said the King, "prepare yourself for a shock." + +"Yes, sir," said the Chancellor, trembling exceedingly. + +"You are about to see something which no man in the history of Barodia +has ever seen before." + +The Chancellor, not having the least idea what to expect, waited +nervously. The next moment the tent seemed to swim before his eyes, +and he knew no more. . . . + +When he came to, the King was pouring a jug of water down his neck and +murmuring rough words of comfort in his ear. + +"Oh, your Majesty," said the poor Chancellor, "your Majesty! I don't +know what to say, your Majesty." He mopped at himself as he spoke, +and the water trickled from him on to the floor. + +"Pull yourself together," said the King sternly. "We shall want all +your wisdom, which is notoriously not much, to help us in this +crisis." + +"Your Majesty, who has dared to do this grievous thing?" + +"You fool, how should I know? Do you think they did it while I was +awake?" + +The Chancellor stiffened a little. He was accustomed to being called +a fool; but that was by a man with a terrifying pair of ginger +whiskers. From the rather fat and uninspiring face in front of him he +was inclined to resent it. + +"What does your Majesty propose to do?" he asked shortly. + +"I propose to do the following. Upon you rests the chief burden." + +The Chancellor did not look surprised. + +"It will be your part to break the news as gently as possible to my +people. You will begin by saying that I am busy with a great +enchanter who has called to see me, and that therefore I am unable to +show myself to my people this morning. Later on in the day you will +announce that the enchanter has shown me how to defeat the wicked +Euralians; you will dwell upon the fact that this victory, as assured +by him, involves an overwhelming sacrifice on my part, but that for +the good of my people I am willing to endure it. Then you will +solemnly announce that the sacrifice I am making, have indeed already +made, is nothing less than---- What are all those fools cheering for +out there?" A mighty roar of laughter rose to the sky. "Here, what's +it all about? Just go and look." + +The Chancellor went to the door of the tent--and saw. + +He came back to the King, striving to speak casually. + +"Just a humorous emblem that the Euralians have raised over their +camp," he said. "It wouldn't amuse your Majesty." + +"I am hardly in a mood for joking," said the King. "Let us return to +business. As I was saying, you will announce to the people that the +enormous sacrifice which their King is prepared to make for them +consists of-- There they go again. I must really see what it is. +Just pull the door back so that I may see without being seen." + +"It--it really wouldn't amuse your Majesty." + +"Are you implying that I have no sense of humour?" said the King +sternly. + +"Oh, no, sire, but there are certain jokes, jokes in the poorest of +taste, that would naturally not appeal to so delicate a palate as your +Majesty's. This--er--strikes me as one of them." + +"Of that I am the best judge," said the King coldly. "Open the door +at once." + +The Chancellor opened the door; and there before the King's eyes, +flaunting themselves in the breeze beneath the Royal Standard of +Euralia, waved his own beloved whiskers. + +The King of Barodia was not a lovable man, and his daughters were +decidedly plain, but there are moments when one cannot help admiring +him. This was one of them. + +"You may shut the door," he said to the Chancellor. "The instructions +which I gave to you just now," he went on in the same cold voice, "are +cancelled. Let me think for a moment." He began to walk up and down +his apartment. "You may think, too," he added kindly. "If you have +anything not entirely senseless to suggest, you may suggest it." + +He continued his pacings. Suddenly he came to a dead stop. He was +standing in front of a large mirror. For the first time since he was +seventeen he had seen his face without whiskers. His eyes still fixed +on his reflection, he beckoned the Chancellor to approach. + +"Come here," he said, clutching him by the arm. "You see that?" He +pointed to the reflection. "That is what I look like? The mirror +hasn't made a mistake of any kind? That is really and truly what I +look like?" + +"Yes, sire." + +For a little while the King continued to gaze fascinated at his +reflection, and then he turned on the Chancellor. + +"You coward!" he said. "You weak-kneed, jelly-souled, paper-livered +imitation of a man! You cringe to a King who looks like that! Why, +you ought to _kick_ me." + +The Chancellor remembered that he had one kick owing to him. He drew +back his foot, and then a thought occurred to him. + +"You might kick me back," he pointed out. + +"I certainly should," said the King. + +The Chancellor hesitated a moment. + +"I think," he said, "that these private quarrels in the face of the +common enemy are to be deplored." + +The King looked at him, gave a short laugh, and went on walking up and +down. + +"That face again," he sighed as he came opposite the mirror. "No, +it's no good; I can never be King like this. I shall abdicate." + +"But, your Majesty, this is a very terrible decision. Could not your +Majesty live in retirement until your Majesty had grown your Majesty's +whiskers again? Surely this is----" + +The King came to a stand opposite him and looked down on him gravely. + +"Chancellor," he said, "those whiskers which you have just seen +fluttering in the breeze have been for more than forty years my curse. +For more than forty years I have had to live up to those whiskers, +behaving, not as my temperament, which is a kindly, indeed a genial +one, bade me to behave, but as those whiskers insisted I should +behave. Arrogant, hasty-tempered, over-bearing--these are the +qualities which have been demanded of the owner of those whiskers. I +played a part which was difficult at first; of late, it has, alas! +been more easy. Yet it has never been my true nature that you have +seen." + +He paused and looked silently at himself in the glass. + +"But, your Majesty," said the Chancellor eagerly, "why choose this +moment to abdicate? Think how your country will welcome this new King +whom you have just revealed to me. And yet," he added regretfully, +"it would not be quite the same." + +The King turned round to him. + +"There spoke a true Barodian," he said. "It would not be the same. +Barodians have come to expect certain qualities from their rulers, and +they would be lost without them. A new King might accustom them to +other ways, but they are used to me, and they would not like me +different. No, Chancellor, I shall abdicate. Do not wear so sad a +face for me. I am looking forward to my new life with the greatest of +joy." + +The Chancellor was not looking sad for him; he was looking sad for +himself, thinking that perhaps a new King might like changes in +Chancellors equally with changes in manners or whiskers. + +"But what will you do?" he asked. + +"I shall be a simple subject of the new King, earning my living by my +own toil." + +The Chancellor raised his eyebrows at this. + +"I suppose you think," said the King haughtily, "that I have not the +intelligence to earn my own living." + +The Chancellor with a cough remarked that the very distinguished +qualities which made an excellent King did not always imply the +corresponding--er--and so on. + +"That shows how little you know about it. Just to give one example. +I happen to know that I have in me the makings of an excellent +swineherd." + +"A swineherd?" + +"The man who--er--herds the swine. It may surprise you to hear that, +posing as a swineherd, I have conversed with another of the profession +upon his own subject, without his suspecting the truth. It is just +such a busy outdoor life as I should enjoy. One herds and one milks, +and one milks, and--er--herds, and so it goes on day after day." A +happy smile, the first the Chancellor had ever seen there, spread +itself over his features. He clapped the Chancellor playfully on the +back and added, "I shall simply love it." + +The Chancellor was amazed. What a story for his dinner-parties when +the war was over! + +"How will you announce it?" he asked, and his tone struck a happy mean +between the tones in which you address a monarch and a pig-minder +respectively. + +"That will be your duty. Now that I have shaken off the curse of +those whiskers, I am no longer a proud man, but even a swineherd would +not care for it to get about that he had been forcibly shaved while +sleeping. That this should be the last incident recorded of me in +Barodian history is unbearable. You will announce therefore that I +have been slain in fair combat, though at the dead of night, by the +King of Euralia, and that my whiskers fly over his royal tent as a +symbol of his victory." He winked at the Chancellor and added, "It +might as well get about that some one had stolen my Magic Sword that +evening." + +The Chancellor was speechless with admiration and approval of the +plan. Like his brother of Euralia, he too was longing to get home +again. The war had arisen over a personal insult to the King. If the +King was no longer King, why should the war go on? + +"I think," said the future swineherd, "that I shall send a Note over +to the King of Euralia, telling him my decision. To-night, when it is +dark, I shall steal away and begin my new life. There seems to be no +reason why the people should not go back to their homes to-morrow. By +the way, that guard outside there knows that I wasn't killed last +night; that's rather awkward." + +"I think," said the Chancellor, who was already picturing his return +home, and was not going to be done out of it by a common sentry, "I +think I could persuade him that you _were_ killed last night." + +"Oh, well, then, that's all right." He drew a ring from his finger. +"Perhaps this will help him to be persuaded. Now leave me while I +write to the King of Euralia." + +It was a letter which Merriwig was decidedly glad to get. It announced +bluntly that the war was over, and added that the King of Barodia +proposed to abdicate. His son would rule in his stead, but he was a +harmless fool, and the King of Euralia need not bother about him. The +King would be much obliged if he would let it get about that the +whiskers had been won in a fair fight; this would really be more to +the credit of both of them. Personally he was glad to be rid of the +things, but one has one's dignity. He was now retiring into private +life, and if it were rumoured abroad that he had been killed by the +King of Euralia matters would be much more easy to arrange. + +Merriwig slept late after his long night abroad, and he found this +Note waiting for him when he awoke. He summoned the Chancellor at +once. + +"What have you done about those--er--trophies?" he asked. + +"They are fluttering from your flagstaff, sire, at this moment." + +"Ah! And what do my people say?" + +"They are roaring with laughter, sire, at the whimsical nature of the +jest." + +"Yes, but what do they say?" + +"Some say that your Majesty, with great cunning, ventured privily in +the night and cut them off while he slept; others, that with great +bravery you defeated him in mortal combat and carried them away as the +spoils of the victor." + +"Oh! And what did _you_ say?" + +The Chancellor looked reproachful. + +"Naturally, your Majesty, I have not spoken with them." + +"Ah, well, I have been thinking it over in the night, and I remember +now that I _did_ kill him. You understand?" + +"Your Majesty's skill in sword play will be much appreciated by the +people." + +"Quite so," said the King hastily. "Well, that's all--I'm getting up +now. And we're all going home to-morrow." + +The Chancellor went out, rubbing his hands with delight. + + + +CHAPTER XVIII + +THE VETERAN OF THE FOREST ENTERTAINS TWO VERY YOUNG PEOPLE + +Do you remember the day when the Princess Hyacinth and Wiggs sat upon +the castle walls and talked of Udo's coming? The Princess thought he +would be dark, and Wiggs thought he would be fair, and he was to have +the Purple Room--or was it the Blue?--and anyhow he was to put the +Countess in her place and bring happiness to Euralia. That seemed a +long time ago to Hyacinth now, as once more she sat on the castle +walls with Wiggs. + +She was very lovely. She longed to get rid of that "outside help in +our affairs" which she had summoned so recklessly. They were two +against one now. Belvane actively against her was bad enough; but +Belvane in the background with Udo as her mouthpiece--Udo specially +asked in to give the benefit of his counsel--this was ten times worse. + +"What do you do, Wiggs?" she asked, "when you are very lonely and +nobody loves you?" + +"Dance," said Wiggs promptly. + +"But if you don't want to dance?" + +Wiggs tried to remember those dark ages (about a week ago) when she +couldn't dance. + +"I used to go into the forest," she said, "and sit under my own tree, +and by and by everybody loved you." + +"I wonder if they'd love _me_." + +"Of course they would. Shall I show you my special tree?" + +"Yes, but don't come with me; tell me where it is. I want to be +unhappy alone." + +So Wiggs told her how you followed her special path, which went in at +the corner of the forest, until by and by the trees thinned on either +side, and it widened into a glade, and you went downhill and crossed +the brook at the bottom and went up the other side until it was all +trees again, and the first and the biggest and the oldest and the +loveliest was hers. And you turned round and sat with your back +against it, and looked across to where you'd come from, and then you +_knew_ that everything was all right. + +"I shall find it," said Hyacinth, as she got up. "Thank you, dear." + +She found it, she sat there, and her heart was very bitter at first +against Udo and against Belvane, and even against her father for going +away and leaving her; but by and by the peace of the place wrapped +itself around her, and she felt that she would find a way out of her +difficulties somehow. Only she wished that her father would come +back, because he loved her, and she felt that it would be nice to be +loved again. + +"It is beautiful, isn't it?" said a voice from behind her. + +She turned suddenly, as a tall young man stepped out from among the +trees. + +"Oh, who are you, please?" she asked, amazed at his sudden appearance. +His dress told her nothing, but his face told her things which she +was glad to know. + +"My name," he said, "is Coronel." + +"It is a pretty name." + +"Yes, but don't be led away by it. It belongs to nobody very +particular. Do you mind if I sit down? I generally sit down here +about this time." + +"Oh, do you live in the forest?" + +"I have lived here for the last week." He gave her a friendly smile, +and added, "You're late, aren't you?" + +"Late?" + +"Yes, I've been expecting you for the last seven days." + +"How did you know there was any me at all?" smiled Hyacinth. + +With a movement of his hand Coronel indicated the scene in front of +him. + +"There had to be _somebody_ for whom all this was made. It wanted +somebody to say thank you to it now and then." + +"Haven't you been doing that all this week?" + +"Me? I wouldn't presume. No, it's your glade, and you've neglected +it shamefully." + +"There's a little girl who comes here," said Hyacinth. "I wonder if +you have seen her?" + +Coronel turned away. There were secret places in his heart into which +Hyacinth could not come--yet. + +"She danced," he said shortly. + +There was silence between them for a little, but a comfortable +silence, as if they were already old friends. + +"You know," said Hyacinth, looking down at him as he lay at her feet, +"you ought not to be here at all, really." + +"I wish I could think that," said Coronel. "I had a horrible feeling +that duty called me here. I love those places where one really +oughtn't to be at all, don't you?" + +"I love being here," sighed Hyacinth. "Wiggs was quite right." +Seeing him look up at her she added, "Wiggs is the little girl who +dances, you know." + +"She would be right," said Coronel, looking away from her. + +Hyacinth felt strangely rested. It seemed that never again would +anything trouble her; never again would she have only her own strength +to depend upon. Who was he? But it did not matter. He might go away +and she might never see him again, but she was no longer afraid of the +world. + +"I thought," she said, "that all the men of Euralia were away +fighting." + +"So did I," said Coronel. + +"What are you, then? A Prince from a distant country, an enchanter, a +spy sent from Barodia, a travelling musician?--you see, I give you +much to choose from." + +"You leave me nothing to be but what I am--Coronel." + +"And I am Hyacinth." + +He knew, of course, but he made no sign. + +"Hyacinth," he said, and he held out his hand. + +"Coronel," she answered as she took it. + +The brook chuckled to itself as it hurried past below them. + +Hyacinth got up with a little sigh of contentment. + +"Well, I must be going," she said. + +"Must you really be going?" asked Coronel. "I wasn't saying good-bye, +you know." + +[Illustration: _She turned round and went off daintily down the hill_] + +"I really must." + +"It's a surprising thing about the view from here," said Coronel, +"that it looks just as nice to-morrow. To-morrow about the same +time." + +"That's a very extraordinary thing," smiled Hyacinth. + +"Yes, but it's one of those things that you don't want to take another +person's word for." + +"You think I ought to see for myself? Well, perhaps I will." + +"Give me a whistle if I happen to be passing," said Coronel casually, +"and tell me what you think. Good-bye, Hyacinth." + +"Good-bye, Coronel." + +She nodded her head confidently at him, and then turned round and went +off daintily down the hill. + +Coronel stared after her. + +"What _is_ Udo doing?" he murmured to himself. "But perhaps she +doesn't like animals. A whole day to wait. How endless!" + +If he had known that Udo, now on two legs again, was at that moment in +Belvane's garden, trying to tell her, for the fifth time that week, +about his early life in Araby, he would have been still more +surprised. + +We left Coronel, if you remember, in Araby. For three or four days he +remained there, wondering how Udo was getting on, and feeling more and +more that he ought to do something about it. On the fourth day he got +on to his horse and rode off again. He simply must see what was +happening. If Udo wanted to help, then he would be there to give it; +if Udo was all right again, then he could go comfortably back to +Araby. + +To tell the truth, Coronel was a little jealous of his friend. A +certain Prince Perivale, who had stayed at his uncle's court, had once +been a suitor for Hyacinth's hand; but losing a competition with the +famous seven-headed bull of Euralia, which Merriwig had arranged for +him, had made no further headway with his suit. This Prince had had a +portrait of Hyacinth specially done for him by his own Court Painter, +a portrait which Coronel had seen. It was for this reason that he had +at first objected to accompanying Udo to Euralia, and it was for this +reason that he persuaded himself very readily that the claims of +friendship called him there now. + +For the last week he had been waiting in the forest. Now that he was +there, he was not quite sure how to carry out his mission. So far +there had been no sign of Udo, either on four legs or on two; it +seemed probable that unless Coronel went to the Palace and asked for +him, there would be no sign. And if he went to the Palace, and Udo +was all right, and the Princess Hyacinth was in love with him, then +the worst would have happened. He would have to stay there and help +admire Udo--an unsatisfying prospect to a man in love. For he told +himself by this time that he was in love with Hyacinth, although he +had never seen her. + +So he had waited in the forest, hoping for something to turn up; and +first Wiggs had come . . . and now at last Hyacinth. He was very glad +that he had waited. + +She was there on the morrow. + +"I knew you'd come," said Coronel. "It looks just as beautiful, +doesn't it?" + +"I think it's even more beautiful," said Hyacinth. + +"You mean those little white clouds? That was my idea putting those +in. I thought you'd like them." + +"I wondered what you did all day. Does it keep you very busy?" + +"Oh," said Coronel, "I have time for singing." + +"Why do you sing?" + +"Because I am young and the forest is beautiful." + +"I have been singing this morning, too." + +"Why?" asked Coronel eagerly. + +"Because the war with Barodia is over." + +"Oh!" said Coronel, rather taken aback. + +"That doesn't interest you. Yet if you were a Euralian----" + +"But it interests me extremely. Let us admire the scene for a moment, +while I think. Look, there is another of my little clouds." + +Coronel wondered what would happen now. If the King were coming back, +then Udo would be wanted no longer save as a suitor for Hyacinth's +hand. If, then, he returned, it would show that---- But suppose he +was still an animal? It was doubtful if he would go back to Araby as +an animal. And then there was another possibility: perhaps he had +never come to Euralia at all. Here were a lot of questions to be +answered, and here next to him was one who could answer them. But he +must go carefully. + +"Ninety-seven, ninety-eight, ninety-nine, a hundred," he said aloud. +"There, I've finished my thinking and you've finished your looking." + +"And what have you decided?" smiled Hyacinth. + +"Decided?" said Coronel, rather startled. "Oh, no, I wasn't deciding +anything, I was just thinking. I was thinking about animals." + +"So was I." + +"How very curious, and also how wrong of you. You were supposed to be +admiring my clouds. What sort of animals were you thinking about?" + +"Oh--all sorts." + +"I was thinking about rabbits. Do you care for rabbits at all?" + +"Not very much." + +"Neither do I. They're so loppity. Do you like lions?" + +"I think their tails are rather silly," said Hyacinth. + +"Yes, perhaps they are. Now--a woolly lamb." + +"I am not very fond of woolly lambs just now." + +"No? Well, they're not very interesting. It's a funny thing," he +went on casually, trying to steal a glance at her, "that we should be +talking about those three animals, because I once met somebody who was +a mixture of all three together at the same time." + +"So did I," said Hyacinth gravely. + +But he saw her mouth trembling, and suddenly she turned round and +caught his eye, and then they burst out laughing together. + +"Poor Udo," said Coronel; "and how is he looking now?" + +"He is all right again now." + +"All right again? Then why isn't he---- But I'm very glad he isn't." + +"I didn't like him," said Hyacinth, blushing a little. And then she +went on bravely, "But I think he found he didn't like me first." + +"He wants humouring," said Coronel. "It's my business to humour him, +it isn't yours." + +Hyacinth looked at him with a new interest. + +"Now I know who you are," she said. "He talked about you once." + +"What did he say?" asked Coronel, obviously dying to know. + +"He said you were good at poetry." + +Coronel was a little disappointed. He would have preferred Hyacinth +to have been told that he was good at dragons. However, they had met +now and it did not matter. + +"Princess," he said suddenly, "I expect you wonder what I am doing +here. I came to see if Prince Udo was in need of help, and also to +see if you were in need of help. Prince Udo was my friend, but if he +has not been a friend of yours, then he is no longer a friend of mine. +Tell me what has been happening here, and then tell me if in any way +I can help you." + +"You called me Hyacinth yesterday," she said, "and it is still my +name." + +"Hyacinth," said Coronel, taking her hand, "tell me if you want me at +all." + +"Thank you, Coronel. You see, Coronel, it's like this." And sitting +beneath Wiggs's veteran of the forest, with Coronel lying at her feet, +she told him everything. + +"It seems easy enough," he said when she had finished. "You want Udo +pushed out and the Countess put in her place. I can do the one while +you do the other." + +"Yes, but how do I push Prince Udo out?" + +"That's what _I'm_ going to do." + +"Yes, but, Coronel dear, if I could put the Countess in her place, +shouldn't I have done it a long time ago? I don't think you quite +know the sort of person she is. And I don't quite know what her place +is either, which makes it rather had to put her into it. You see, I +don't think I told you that--that Father is rather fond of her." + +"I thought you said Udo was." + +"They both are." + +"Then how simple. We simply kill Udo, and--and--well, anyhow, there's +one part of it done." + +"Yes, but what about the other part?" + +Coronel thought for a moment. + +"Would it be simpler if we did it the other way around?" he said. +"Killed the Countess and put Udo in his place." + +"Father wouldn't like that at all, and he's coming back to-morrow." + +Coronel didn't quite see the difficulty. If the King was in love with +the Countess, he would marry her whatever Hyacinth did. And what was +the good of putting her in her place for one day if her next place was +to be on the throne. + +Hyacinth guessed what he was thinking. + +"Oh, don't you see," she cried, "she doesn't know that the King is +coming back to-morrow. And if I can only just show her--I don't mind +if it's only for an hour--that I am not afraid of her, and that she +has got to take her orders from me, then I shan't mind so much all +that has happened these last weeks. But if she is to have disregarded +me all the time, if she is to have plotted against me from the very +moment my father went away, and if nothing is to come to her for it +but that she marries my father and becomes Queen of Euralia, then I +can have no pride left, and I will be a Princess no longer." + +"I must see this Belvane," said Coronel thoughtfully. + +"Oh, Coronel, Coronel," cried Hyacinth, "if _you_ fall in love with +her, too, I think I shall die of shame!" + +"With _her_, Hyacinth?" he said, turning to her in amazement. + +"Yes, you--I didn't--you never--I----" Her voice trailed away; she +could not meet his gaze any longer; she dropped her eyes, and the next +moment his arms were round her, and she knew that she would never be +alone again. + + + +CHAPTER XIX + +UDO BEHAVES LIKE A GENTLEMAN + +"And now," said Coronel, "we'd better decide what to do." + +"But I don't mind what we do now," said Hyacinth happily. "She may +have the throne and Father and Udo, and--and anything else she can +get, and I shan't mind a bit. You see, I have got _you_ now, Coronel, +and I can never be jealous of anybody again." + +"That's what makes it so jolly. We can do what we like, and it +doesn't matter if it doesn't come off. So just for fun let's think of +something to pay her out." + +"I feel I don't want to hurt anybody to-day." + +"All right, we won't hurt her, we'll humour her. We will be her most +humble obedient servants. She shall have everything she wants." + +"Including Prince Udo," smiled Hyacinth. + +"That's a splendid idea. We'll make her have Udo. It will annoy your +father, but one can't please everybody. Oh, I can see myself enjoying +this." + +They got up and wandered back along Wiggs's path, hand in hand. + +"I'm almost afraid to leave the forest," said Hyacinth, "in case +something happens." + +"What should happen?" + +"I don't know; but all our life together has been in the forest, and +I'm just a little afraid of the world." + +"I will be very close to you always, Hyacinth." + +"Be very close, Coronel," she whispered, and then they walked out +together. + +If any of the servants at the Palace were surprised to see Coronel, +they did not show it. After all, that was their business. + +"Prince Coronel will be staying here," said the Princess. "Prepare a +room for him and some refreshment for us both." And if they discussed +those things in the servants' halls of those days (as why should they +not?), no doubt they told each other that the Princess Hyacinth (bless +her pretty face!) had found her man at last. Why, you only had to see +her looking at him. But I get no assistance from Roger at this point; +he pretends that he has a mind far above the gossip of the lower +orders. + +"I say," said Coronel, as they went up the grand staircase, "I am not +a Prince, you know. Don't say I have deceived you." + +"You are _my_ Prince," said Hyacinth proudly. + +"My dear, I am a king among men to-day, and you are my queen, but +that's in our own special country of two." + +"If you are so particular," said Hyacinth, with a smile, "Father will +make you a proper Prince directly he comes back." + +"Will he? That's what I'm wondering. You see he doesn't know yet +about our little present to the Countess." + + * * * * * + +But it is quite time we got back to Belvane; we have left her alone +too long. It was more than Udo did. Just now he was with her in her +garden, telling her for the fifth time an extraordinarily dull story +about an encounter of his with a dragon, apparently in its dotage, to +which Belvane was listening with an interest which surprised even the +narrator. + +"And then," said Udo, "I jumped quickly to the right, and whirling +my--no, wait a bit, that was later--I jumped quickly to my left--yes, +I remember it now, it _was_ my left--I jumped quickly to my left, and +whirling my----" + +He stopped suddenly at the expression on Belvane's face. She was +looking over his shoulder at something behind him. + +"Why, whoever is this?" she said, getting to her feet. + +Before Udo had completely cleared his mind of his dragon, the Princess +and Coronel were upon them. + +"Ah, Countess, I thought we should find you together," said Hyacinth +archly. "Let me present to you my friend, the Duke Coronel. Coronel, +this is Countess Belvane, a very dear and faithful friend of mine. +Prince Udo, of course, you know. His Royal Highness and the Countess +are--well, it isn't generally known at present, so perhaps I oughtn't +to say anything." + +Coronel made a deep bow to the astonished Belvane. + +[Illustration: _Let me present to you my friend the Duke Coronel_] + +"Your humble servant," he said. "You will, I am sure, forgive me if I +say how glad I am to hear your news. Udo is one of my oldest +friends"--he turned and clapped that bewildered Highness on the +back--"aren't you, Udo? and I can think of no one more suitable in +every way." He bowed again, and turned back to the Prince. "Well, +Udo, you're looking splendid. A different thing, Countess, from when +I last saw him. Let me see, that must have been just the day before +he arrived in Euralia. Ah, what a miracle-worker True Love is!" + +I think one of the things which made Belvane so remarkable was that +she was never afraid of remaining silent when she was not quite sure +what to say. She waited therefore while she considered what all this +meant; who Coronel was, what he was doing there, even whether a +marriage with Udo was not after all the best that she could hope for +now. + +Meanwhile Udo, of course, blundered along gaily. + +"We aren't exactly, Princess--I mean----What are you doing here, +Coronel?--I didn't know, Princess, that you---- The Countess and I +were just having a little--I was just telling her what you said +about--How did you get here, Coronel?" + +"Shall we tell him?" said Coronel, with a smile at Hyacinth. + +Hyacinth nodded. + +"I rode," said Coronel. "It's a secret," he added. + +"But I didn't know that you----" + +"We find that we have really known each other a very long time," +explained Hyacinth. + +"And hearing that there was to be a wedding," added Coronel---- + +Belvane made up her mind. Coronel was evidently a very different man +from Udo. If he stayed in Euralia as adviser--more than adviser she +guessed--to Hyacinth, her own position would not be in much doubt. +And as for the King, it might be months before he came back, and when +he did come would he remember her? But to be Queen of Araby was no +mean thing. + +"We didn't want it to be known yet," she said shyly, "but you have +guessed our secret, your Royal Highness." She looked modestly at the +ground, and, feeling for her reluctant lover's hand, went on, "Udo and +I"--here she squeezed the hand, and, finding it was Coronel's, took +Udo's boldly without any more maidenly nonsense--"Udo and I love each +other." + +"Say something, Udo," prompted Coronel. + +"Er--yes," said Udo, very unwillingly, and deciding he would explain +it all afterwards. Whatever his feelings for the Countess, he was not +going to be rushed into a marriage. + +"Oh, I'm so glad," said Hyacinth. "I felt somehow that it must be +coming, because you've seen so _much_ of each other lately. Wiggs and +I have often talked about it together." + +("What has happened to the child?" thought Belvane. "She isn't a +child at all, she's grown up.") + +"There's no holding Udo once he begins," volunteered Coronel. "He's +the most desperate lover in Araby. + +"My father will be so excited when he hears," said Hyacinth. "You +know, of course, that his Majesty comes back to-morrow with all his +army." + +She did not swoon or utter a cry. She did not plead the vapours or +the megrims. She took unflinching what must have been the biggest +shock in her life. + +"Then perhaps I had better see that everything is ready in the +Palace," she said, "if your Royal Highness will excuse me." And with +a curtsey she was gone. + +Coronel exchanged a glance with Hyacinth. "I'm enjoying this," he +seemed to say. + +"Well," she announced, "I must be going in, too. There'll be much to +see about." + +Coronel was left alone with the most desperate lover in Araby. + +"And now," said the Prince, "tell me what you are doing here." + +Coronel put his arm in Udo's and walked him up and down the flagged +path. + +"Your approaching marriage," he said, "is the talk of Araby. +Naturally I had to come here to see for myself what she was like. My +dear Udo, she's charming; I congratulate you." + +"Don't be a fool, Coronel. I haven't the slightest intention of +marrying her." + +"Then why have you told everybody that you are going to?" + +"You know quite well I haven't told anybody. There hasn't been a +single word about it mentioned until you pushed your way in just now." + +"Ah, well, perhaps you hadn't heard about it. But the Princess knows, +the Countess knows, and I know--yes, I think you may take our word for +it that it's true." + +"I haven't the slightest intention--what do you keep clinging to my +arm like this for? + +"My dear Udo, I'm so delighted to see you again. Don't turn your back +on old friendships just because you have found a nobler and a +truer---- Oh, very well, if you're going to drop all your former +friends, go on then. But when _I'm_ married, there will always be a +place for----" + +"Understand once and for all," said Udo angrily, "that I am _not_ +getting married. No, don't take my arm--we can talk quite well like +this." + +"I am sorry, Udo," said Coronel meekly; "we seem to have made a +mistake. But you must admit we found you in a very compromising +position." + +"It wasn't in the least compromising," protested Udo indignantly. "As +a matter of fact I was just telling her about that dragon I killed in +Araby last year." + +"Ah, and who would listen to a hopeless story like that, but the woman +one was going to marry?" + +"Once more, I am not going to marry her." + +"Well, you must please yourself, but you have compromised her severely +with that story. Poor innocent girl. Well, let's forget about it. +And now tell me, how do you like Euralia?" + +"I am returning to Araby this afternoon," said Udo stiffly. + +"Well, perhaps you're right. I hope that nothing will happen to you +on the way." + +Udo, who was about to enter the Palace, turned round with a startled +look. + +"What do you mean?" + +"Well, something happened on the way here. By the by, how did that +happen? You never told me." + +"Your precious Countess, whom you expect me to marry." + +"How very unkind of her. A nasty person to annoy." He was silent for +a moment, and then added thoughtfully, "I suppose it _is_ rather +annoying to think you're going to marry somebody whom you love very +much, and then find you're not going to." + +Udo evidently hadn't thought of this. He tried to show that he was +not in the least frightened. + +"She couldn't do anything. It was only by a lucky chance she did it +last time." + +"Yes, but of course the chance might come again. You'd have the thing +hanging over you always. She's clever, you know; and I should never +feel quite safe if she were my enemy. . . . Lovely flowers, aren't +they? What's the name of this one?" + +Udo dropped undecidedly into a seat. This wanted thinking out. The +Countess--what was wrong with her, after all? And she evidently adored +him. Of course that was not surprising; the question was, was it fair +to disappoint one who had, perhaps, some little grounds for----? +After all, he had been no more gallant than was customary from a +Prince and a gentleman to a beautiful woman. It was her own fault if +she had mistaken his intentions. Of course he ought to have left +Euralia long ago. But he had stayed on, and--well, decidedly she was +beautiful--perhaps he had paid rather too much attention to that. And +he had certainly neglected the Princess a little. After all, again, +why not marry the Countess? It was absurd to suppose there was +anything in Coronel's nonsense, but one never knew. Not that he was +marrying her out of fear. No; certainly not. It was simply a +chivalrous whim on his part. The poor woman had misunderstood him, +and she should not be disappointed. + +"She seems fond of flowers," said Coronel. "You ought to make the +Palace garden look beautiful between you." + +"Now, understand clearly, Coronel, I'm not in the least frightened by +the Countess." + +"My dear Udo, what a speech for a lover! Of course you're not. After +all, what you bore with such patience and dignity once, you can bear +again." + +"That subject is distasteful to me. I must ask you not to refer to +it. If I marry the Countess----" + +"You'll be a very lucky man," put in Coronel. "I happen to know that +the King of Euralia--however, she's chosen you, it seems. Personally, +I can't make out what she sees in you. What is it?" + +"I should have thought it was quite obvious," said Udo with dignity. +"Well, Coronel, I think perhaps you are right and that it's my duty to +marry her." + +Coronel shook him solemnly by the hand. + +"I congratulate your Royal Highness. I will announce your decision to +the Princess. She will be much amu--much delighted." And he turned +into the Palace. + +Pity him, you lovers. He had not seen Hyacinth for nearly ten +minutes. + + + +CHAPTER XX + +CORONEL KNOWS A GOOD STORY WHEN HE HEARS IT + +I quote (with slight alterations) from an epic by Charlotte Patacake, +a contemporary poet of the country: + + _King Merriwig the First rode back from war,_ + _As many other Kings had done before;_ + _Five hundred men behind him were in sight_ + _(Left-right, left-right, left-right, left-right, left-right)._ + +So far as is known, this was her only work, but she built up some +reputation on it, and Belvane, who was a good judge, had a high +opinion of her genius. + +To be exact, there were only four hundred and ninety-nine men. Henry +Smallnose, a bowman of considerable promise, had been left behind in +the enemy's country, the one casualty of war. While spying out the +land in the early days of the invasion, he had been discovered by the +Chief Armourer of Barodia at full length on the wet grass searching +for tracks. The Chief Armourer, a kindly man, had invited him to his +cottage, dried him and given him a warming drink, and had told him +that, if ever his spying took him that way again, he was not to stand +on ceremony, but come in and pay him a visit. Henry, having caught a +glimpse of the Chief Armourer's daughter, had accepted without any +false pride, and had frequently dropped in to supper thereafter. Now +that the war was over, he found that he could not tear himself away. +With King Merriwig's permission he was settling in Barodia, and with +the Chief Armourer's permission he was starting on his new life as a +married man. + +As the towers of the castle came in sight, Merriwig drew a deep breath +of happiness. Home again! The hardships of the war were over; the +spoils of victory (wrapped up in tissue paper) were in his pocket; +days of honoured leisure were waiting for him. He gazed at each +remembered landmark of his own beloved country, his heart overflowing +with thankfulness. Never again would he leave Euralia! + +How good to see Hyacinth again! Poor little Hyacinth left all alone; +but there! she had had the Countess Belvane, a woman of great +experience, to help her. Belvane! Should he risk it? How much had +she thought of him while he was away? Hyacinth would be growing up +and getting married soon. Life would be lonely in Euralia then, +unless---- Should he risk it? + +What would Hyacinth say? + +She was waiting for him at the gates of the castle. She had wanted +Coronel to wait with her, but he had refused. + +[Illustration: _As the towers of the Castle came in sight, Merriwig +drew a deep breath of happiness_] + +"We must offer the good news to him gradually," he said. "When a man +has just come back from a successful campaign, he doesn't want to find +a surprise like this waiting for him. Just think--we don't even know +why the war is over--he must be longing to tell you that. Oh, he'll +have a hundred things to tell you first; but then, when he says 'And +what's been happening here while I've been away? Nothing much, I +suppose?' then you can say----" + +"Then I shall say, 'Nothing much; only Coronel.' And such a clever!" + +"Oh, I have my ideas," said Coronel. "Well, I'll be out of the way +somewhere. I think I'll go for a walk in the forest. Or shall I stay +here, in the Countess's garden, and amuse myself with Udo? Anyhow, +I'll give you an hour alone together first." + +The cavalcade drew up in front of the castle. Handkerchiefs fluttered +to them from the walls; trumpets were blown; hounds bayed. Down the +steps came Hyacinth, all blue and gold, and flung herself into her +father's arms. + +"My dear child," said Merriwig as he patted her soothingly. "There, +there! It's your old father come back again. H'r'm. There, there!" +He patted her again, as though it were she and not himself who was in +danger of breaking down. "My little Hyacinth! My own little girl!" + +"Oh, Father, I _am_ glad to have you back." + +"There, there, my child. Now I must just say a few words to my men, +and then we can tell each other all that has been happening." + +He took a step forward and addressed his troops. + +"Men of Euralia (_cheers_). We have returned from a long and arduous +conflict (_cheers_) to the embraces (_loud cheers_) of our mothers and +wives and daughters (_prolonged cheering_)--as the case may be (_hear, +hear_). In honour of our great victory I decree that, from now +onwards, to-morrow shall be observed as a holiday throughout Euralia +(_terrific cheering_). I bid you all now return to your homes, and I +hope that you will find as warm a welcome there as I have found in +mine." Here he turned and embraced his daughter again; and if his eye +travelled over her shoulder in the direction of Belvane's garden, it +is a small matter, and one for which the architect of the castle, no +doubt, was principally to blame. + +There was another storm of cheers, the battle-cry of Euralia, "_Ho, +ho, Merriwig!_" was shouted from five hundred throats, and the men +dispersed happily to their homes. Hyacinth and Merriwig went into the +Palace. + +"Now, Father," said Hyacinth later on, when Merriwig had changed his +clothes and refreshed himself, "you've got to tell me all about it. I +can hardly believe it's really over." + +"Yes, yes. It's all over," said Merriwig heartily. "We shan't have +any trouble in _that_ direction again, I fancy." + +"Do tell me, did the King of Barodia apologise?" + +"He did better than that, he abdicated." + +"Why?" + +"Well," said Merriwig, remembering just in time, "I--er--killed him." + +"Oh, Father, how rough of you." + +"I don't think it hurt him very much, my dear. It was more a shock to +his feelings than anything else. See, I have brought these home for +you." + +He produced from his pocket a small packet in tissue paper. + +"Oh, how exciting! Whatever can it be?" + +Merriwig unwrapped the paper, and disclosed a couple of ginger +whiskers, neatly tied up with blue ribbon. + +"Father!" + +He picked out the left one, _fons et origo_ (if he had known any +Latin) of the war, and held it up for Hyacinth's inspection. + +"There, you can see the place where Henry Smallnose's arrow bent it. +By the way," he added, "Henry is marrying and settling down in +Barodia. It is curious," he went on, "how after a war one's thoughts +turn to matrimony." He glanced at his daughter to see how she would +take this, but she was still engrossed with the whiskers. + +"What am I going to do with them, Father? I can't plant them in the +garden." + +"I thought we might run them up the flagstaff, as we did in Barodia." + +"Isn't that a little unkind now that the poor man's dead?" + +Merriwig looked round him to see that there were no eavesdroppers. + +"Can you keep a secret?" he asked mysteriously. + +"Of course," said Hyacinth, deciding at once that it would not matter +if she only told Coronel. + +"Well, then, listen." + +He told her of his secret journey to the King of Barodia's tent; he +told her of the King of Barodia's letter; he told her more fully of +his early duel with the King; he told her everything that he had said +and done; and everything that everybody else had said and done to him; +and his boyish pleasure in it all was so evident and so innocent, that +even a stranger would have had nothing more reproachful for him than a +smile. To Hyacinth he seemed the dearest of fathers and the most +wonderful of kings. + +And by and by the moment came of which Coronel had spoken. + +"And now," said Merriwig, "tell me what you have all been doing with +yourselves here. Nothing much, I suppose?" + +He waited nervously, wondering if Hyacinth would realise that "all" +was meant to include more particularly Belvane. + +Hyacinth drew a stool up to her father's chair and sat down very close +to him. + +"Father," she said, stroking his hand where it rested on his knee, "I +_have_ got some news for you." + +"Nothing about the Coun--nothing serious, I hope," said Merriwig, in +alarm. + +"It's rather serious, but it's rather nice. Father, dear, would you +mind _very_ much if I got married soon?" + +"My dear, you shall get married as soon as you like. Let me see, +there were six or seven Princes who came about it only the other day. +I sent them off on adventures of some kind, but--dear me, yes, they +ought to have been back by now. I suppose you haven't heard anything +of them?" + +"No, Father," said Hyacinth, with a little smile. + +"Ah, well, no doubt they were unsuccessful. No matter, dear, we can +easily find you plenty more suitors. Indeed, the subject has been +very near my thoughts lately. We'll arrange a little competition, and +let them know in the neighbouring countries; there'll be no lack of +candidates. Let me see, there's that seven-headed bull; he's getting +a little old now, but he was good enough for the last one. We +might----" + +"I don't want a suitor," said Hyacinth softly. "I have one." + +Merriwig leant forward with eagerness. + +"My dear, this is indeed news. Tell me all about it. Upon what quest +did you send him?" + +Hyacinth had felt this coming. Had she lived in modern times she +would have expected the question, "What is his income?" A man must +prove his worth in some way. + +"I haven't sent him away at all yet," she said; "he's only just come. +He's been very kind to me, and I'm sure you'll love him." + +"Well, well, we'll arrange something for him. Perhaps that bull I was +speaking of---- By the way, who is he?" + +"He comes from Araby, and his name is----" + +"Udo, of course. Why didn't I think of him? An excellent +arrangement, my dear." + +"It isn't Udo, I'm afraid, Father. It's Coronel." + +"And who might Coronel be?" said the King, rather sternly. + +"He's--he's--well, he's---- Here he is, Father." She ran up to him +impulsively as he came in at the door. "Oh, Coronel, you're just in +time; do tell Father who you are." + +Coronel bowed profoundly to the King. + +"Before I explain myself, your Majesty," he said, "may I congratulate +your Majesty on your wonderful victory over the Barodians? From the +little I have gathered outside, it is the most remarkable victory that +has ever occurred. But of course I am longing to hear the full story +from your Majesty's own lips. Is it a fact that your Majesty made his +way at dead of night to the King of Barodia's own tent and challenged +him to mortal combat and slew him?" There was an eagerness, very +winning, in his eyes as he asked it; he seemed to be envying the King +such an adventure--an adventure after his own heart. + +Merriwig was in an awkward position. He wondered for a moment whether +to order his daughter out of the room. "Leave us, my child," he would +say. "These are matters for men to discuss." But Hyacinth would know +quite well why she had been sent out, and would certainly tell Coronel +the truth of the matter afterwards. + +It really looked as if Coronel would have to be let into the secret +too. He cleared his throat noisily by way of preparation. + +"There are certain state reasons," he said with dignity, "why that +story has been allowed to get about." + +"Pardon, your Majesty. I have no wish to----" + +"But as you know so much, you may as well know all. It happened like +this." Once more he told the story of his midnight visit, and of the +King's letter to him. + +"But, your Majesty," cried Coronel, "it is more wonderful than the +other. Never was such genius of invention, such brilliance and daring +of execution." + +"So you like it," said Merriwig, trying to look modest. + +"I love it." + +"I knew he'd love it," put in Hyacinth. "It's just the sort of story +that Coronel would love. Tell him about how you fought the King at +the beginning of the war, and how you pretended to be a swineherd, and +how--" + +Could any father have resisted? In a little while Hyacinth and +Coronel were seated eagerly at his feet, and he was telling once more +the great story of his adventures. + +"Well, well," said the King at the end of it, when he had received +their tribute of admiration. "Those are just a few of the little +adventures that happen in war time." He turned to Coronel. "And so +you, I understand, wish to marry my daughter?" + +"Does that surprise your Majesty?" + +"Well, no, it doesn't. And she, I understand, wishes to marry you." + +"Yes, please, Father." + +"That," said Coronel simply, "is much more surprising." + +Merriwig, however, was not so sure of that. He liked the look of +Coronel, he liked his manner, and he saw at once that he knew a good +story--when he heard one. + +"Of course," he said, "you'll have to win her." + +"Anything your Majesty sets me to do. It's as well," he added with a +disarming smile, "that you cannot ask for the whiskers of the King of +Barodia. There is only one man who could have got those." + +Truly an excellent young man. + +"Well, we'll arrange something," said Merriwig, looking pleased. +"Perhaps your Prince Udo would care to be a competitor too." + +Hyacinth and Coronel interchanged a smile. + +"Alas, Father," she said, "his Royal Highness is not attracted by my +poor charms." + +"Wait till he has seen them, my dear," said Merriwig with a chuckle. + +"He has seen them, Father." + +"What? You invited him here? Tell me about this, Hyacinth. He came +to stay with you and he never----" + +"His Royal Highness," put in Coronel, "has given his affections to +another." + +"Aha! So that's the secret. Now I wonder if I can guess who she is. +What do you say to the Princess Elvira of Tregong? I know his father +had hopes in that direction." + +Hyacinth looked round at Coronel as if appealing for his support. He +took a step towards her. + +"No, it's not the Princess Elvira," said Hyacinth, a little nervously. + +The King laughed good-humouredly. + +"Ah, well, you must tell me," he said. + +Hyacinth put out her hand, and Coronel pressed it encouragingly. + +"His Royal Highness Prince Udo," she said, "is marrying the Countess +Belvane." + + + +CHAPTER XXI + +A SERPENT COMING AFTER UDO + +Belvane had now had twenty-four hours in which to think it over. + +Whatever her faults, she had a sense of humour. She could not help +smiling to herself as she thought of that scene in the garden. +However much she regretted her too hasty engagement, she was sure Udo +regretted it still more. If she gave him the least opportunity he +would draw back from it. + +Then why not give him the opportunity? "My dear Prince Udo, I'm +afraid I mistook the nature of my feelings"--said, of course, with +downcast head and a maidenly blush. Exit Udo with haste, enter King +Merriwig. It would be so easy. + +Ah, but then Hyacinth would have won. Hyacinth had forced the +engagement upon her; even if it only lasted for twenty-four hours, so +long as it was a forced engagement, Hyacinth would have had the better +of her for that time. But if she welcomed the engagement, if she +managed in some way to turn it to account, to make it appear as if she +had wanted it all the time, then Hyacinth's victory would be no +victory at all, but a defeat. + +Marry Udo, then, as if willingly? Yes, but that was too high a price +to pay. She was by this time thoroughly weary of him and besides, she +had every intention of marrying the King of Euralia. To pretend to +marry him until she brought the King in open conflict with him, and +then having led the King to her feet to dismiss the rival who had +served her turn--that was her only wise course. + +She did not come to this conclusion without much thought. She composed +an Ode to Despair, an Elegy to an Unhappy Woman, and a Triolet to +Interfering Dukes, before her mind was made up. She also considered +very seriously what she would look like in a little cottage in the +middle of the forest, dressed in a melancholy grey and holding +communion only with the birds and trees; a life of retirement away +from the vain world; a life into which no man came. It had its +attractions, but she decided that grey did not suit her. + +She went down to her garden and sent for Prince Udo. At about the +moment when the King was having the terrible news broken to him, Udo +was protesting over the sundial that he loved Belvane and Belvane +only, and that he was looking forward eagerly to the day when she +would make him the happiest of men. So afraid was he of what might +happen to him on the way back to Araby. + +"The Countess Belvane!" cried Merriwig. "Prince Udo marry the +Countess Belvane! I never heard such a thing in my life." He glared +at them one after the other as if it were their fault--as indeed it +was. "Why didn't you tell me this before, Hyacinth?" + +"It was only just announced, Father." + +"Who announced it?" + +"Well--er--Udo did," said Coronel. + +"I never heard of anything so ridiculous in my life! I won't have +it!" + +"But, Father, don't you think she'd make a very good Queen?" + +"She'd make a wonderful--that has nothing to do with it. What I feel +so strongly about is this. For month after month I am fighting in a +strange country. After extraordinary scenes of violence and--peril--I +come back to my own home to enjoy the--er--fruits of victory. No +sooner do I get inside my door than I have all this thrust upon me." + +"All what, Father?" said Hyacinth innocently. + +"All _this_," said the King, with a circular movement of his hand. +"It's too bad; upon my word it is. I won't have it. Now mind, +Hyacinth, I _won't_ have it. + +"But, Father, how can I help it?" + +Merriwig paid no attention to her. + +"I come home," he went on indignantly, "fresh from the--er--spoils of +victory to what I thought was my own peaceful--er--home. And what do +I find? Somebody here wants to marry somebody there, and somebody +else over there wants to marry somebody else over here; it's +impossible to mention any person's name, in even the most casual way, +without being told they are going to get married, or some nonsense of +that sort. I'm very much upset about it." + +"Oh, Father!" said Hyacinth penitently. "Won't you see the Countess +yourself and talk to her?" + +"To think that for weeks I have been looking forward to my return home +and that now I should be met with this! It has quite spoilt my day." + +"Father!" cried Hyacinth, coming towards him with outstretched hands. + +"Let me send for her ladyship," began Coronel; "perhaps she----" + +"No, no," said Merriwig, waving them away. "I am very much displeased +with you both. What I have to do, I can do quite well by myself." + +He strode out and slammed the door behind him. + +Hyacinth and Coronel looked at each other blankly. + +"My dear," said Coronel, "you never told me he was as fond of her as +that." + +"But I had no idea! Coronel, what can we do now about it? Oh, I want +him to marry her now. He's quite right--she'll make a wonderful +Queen. Oh, my dear, I feel I want everybody to be as happy as we're +going to be." + +"They can't be that, but we'll do our best for them. I can manage Udo +all right. I only have to say 'rabbits' to him, and he'll do anything +for me. Hyacinth, I don't believe I've ever kissed you in this room +yet, have I? Let's begin now." + +Merriwig came upon the other pair of lovers in Belvane's garden. They +were sharing a seat there, and Udo was assuring the Countess that he +was her own little Udo-Wudo, and that they must never be away from +each other again. The King put his hand in front of his eyes for a +moment as if he could hardly bear it. + +"Why, it's his Majesty," said Belvane, jumping up. She gave him a +deep curtsey and threw in a bewitching smile on the top of it; +formality or friendliness, he could take his choice. "Prince Udo of +Araby, your Majesty." She looked shyly at him and added, "Perhaps you +have heard." + +"I have," said the King gloomingly. "How do you do," he added in a +melancholy voice. + +Udo declared that he was in excellent health at present, and would +have gone into particulars about it had not the King interrupted. + +"Well, Countess," he said, "this is strange news to come back to. +Shall I disturb you if I sit down with you for little?" + +"Oh, your Majesty, you would honour us. Udo, dear, have you seen the +heronry lately?" + +"Yes," said Udo. + +"It looks so sweet just about this time of the afternoon." + +"It does," said Udo. + +Belvane gave a little shrug and turned to the King. + +"I'm so longing to hear all your adventures," she murmured +confidingly. "I got all your messages; it was so good of you to +remember me." + +"Ah," said Merriwig reproachfully, "and what do I find when I come +back? I find----" He broke off, and indicated in pantomime with his +eyebrows that he could explain better what he had found if Udo were +absent. + +"Udo, dear," said Belvane, turning to him, "have you seen the kennels +lately?" + +"Yes," said Udo. + +"They look rather sweet just about this time," said Merriwig. + +"Don't they?" said Udo. + +"But I am so longing to hear," said Belvane, "how your Majesty +defeated the King of Barodia. Was it your Majesty's wonderful spell +which overcame the enemy?" + +"You remember that?" + +"Remember it? Oh, your Majesty! '_Bo boll----_' Udo, dear, wouldn't +you like to see the armoury?" + +"No," said Udo. + +"There are a lot of new things in it that I brought back from +Barodia," said Merriwig hopefully. + +"A lot of new things," explained Belvane. + +"I'll see them later on," said Udo. "I dare say they'd look better in +the evening." + +"Then you shall show _me_, your Majesty," said Belvane. "Udo, dear, +you can wait for me here." + +The two of them moved off down the path together (Udo taken by +surprise), and as soon as they were out of sight, tiptoed across the +lawn to another garden seat, Belvane leading the way with her finger +to her lips, and Merriwig following with an exaggerated caution which +even Henry Smallnose would have thought overdone. + +"He is a little slow, isn't he, that young man?" said the King, as +they sat down together. "I mean he didn't seem to understand--" + +"He's such a devoted lover, your Majesty. He can't bear to be out of +my sight for a moment." + +"Oh, Belvane, this is a sad homecoming. For month after month I have +been fighting and toiling, and planning and plotting and then---- Oh, +Belvane, we were all so happy together before the war." + +Belvane remembered that once she and the Princess and Wiggs had been +so happy together, and that Udo's arrival had threatened to upset it +all. One way and another, Udo had been a disturbing element in +Euralia. But it would not do to let him go just yet. + +"Aren't we still happy together?" she asked innocently. "There's her +Royal Highness with her young Duke, and I have my dear Udo, and your +Majesty has the--the Lord Chancellor--and all your Majesty's faithful +subjects." + +His Majesty gave a deep sigh. + +[Illustration: _Belvane leading the way with her finger to her lips_] + +[Illustration: _Merriwig following with an exaggerated caution_] + +"I am a very lonely man, Belvane. When Hyacinth leaves me I shall +have nobody left." + +Belvane decided to risk it. + +"Your Majesty should marry again," she said gently. + +He looked unutterable things at her. He opened his mouth with the +intention of doing his best to utter some of them, when---- + +"Not before Udo," said Belvane softly. + +Merriwig got up indignantly and scowled at the Prince as the latter +hurried over the lawn towards them. + +"Well, really," said Merriwig, "I never knew such a place. One simply +can't---- Ah, your Royal Highness, have you seen our armoury? I +should say," he corrected himself as he caught Belvane's reproachful +look, "have _we_ seen our armoury? We have. Her ladyship was much +interested." + +"I have no doubt, your Majesty." He turned to Belvane. "You will be +interested in our armoury at home, dear." + +She gave a quick glance at the King to see that he was looking, and +then patted Udo's hand tenderly. + +"Home," she said lovingly, "how sweet it sounds!" + +The King shivered as if in pain, and strode quickly from them. + + * * * * * + +"Your Majesty sent for me," said Coronel. + +The King stopped his pacings and looked round as Coronel came into the +library. + +"Ah, yes, yes," he said quickly. "Now sit down there and make +yourself comfortable. I want to talk to you about this marriage." + +"Which one, your Majesty?" + +"Which one? Why, of course, yours--that is to say, +Belvane's--or--rather----" He came to a stop in front of Coronel and +looked at him earnestly. "Well, in a way, both." + +Coronel nodded. + +"You want to marry my daughter," Merriwig went on. "Now it is +customary, as you know, that to the person to whom I give my daughter, +I give also half my kingdom. Naturally before I make this sacrifice I +wish to be sure that the man to whom--well, of course, you +understand." + +"That he is worthy of the Princess Hyacinth," said Coronel. "Of +course he couldn't be," he added with a smile. + +"_And_ worthy of half the kingdom," amended Merriwig. "That he should +prove himself this is also, I think, customary." + +"Anything that your Majesty suggests----" + +"I am sure of it." + +He drew up a chair next to Coronel's, and sitting down in it, placed +his hand upon his knees and explained the nature of the trial which +was awaiting the successful suitor. + +"In the ordinary way," he began, "I should arrange something for you +with a dragon or what-not in it. The knowledge that some such ordeal +lies before him often enables a suitor to discover, before it is too +late, that what he thought was true love is not really the genuine +emotion. In your case I feel that an ordeal of this sort is not +necessary." + +Coronel inclined his head gracefully. + +"I do not doubt your valour, and from you therefore I ask a proof of +your cunning. In these days cunning is perhaps the quality of all +others demanded of a ruler. We had an excellent example of that," he +went on carelessly, "in the war with Barodia that is just over, where +the whole conflict was settled by a little idea which----" + +"A very wonderful idea, your Majesty." + +"Well, well," said Merriwig, looking very pleased. "It just happened +to come off, that's all. But that is what I mean when I say that +cunning may be of even more importance than valour. In order to win +the hand of my daughter and half my kingdom, it will be necessary for +you to show a cunning almost more than human." + +He paused, and Coronel did his best in the interval to summon up a +look of superhuman guile into his very frank and pleasant countenance. + +"You will prove yourself worthy of what you ask me for," said Merriwig +solemnly, "by persuading Prince Udo to return to Araby--alone." + +Coronel gasped. The thing was so easy that it seemed almost a shame +to accept it as the condition of his marriage. To persuade Udo to do +what he was only longing to do, did not call for any superhuman +qualities of any kind. For a moment he had an impulse to tell the +King so, but he suppressed it. "After all," he thought, "if the King +wants cunning, and if I make a great business of doing something +absurdly easy, then he is getting it." + +Merriwig, simple man, mistook his emotions. + +"I see," he said, "that you are appalled by the difficulty of the +ordeal in front of you. You may well be so. You have known his Royal +Highness longer than I have, but even in our short acquaintance I have +discovered that he takes a hint with extraordinary slowness. To bring +it home to him with the right mixture of tact and insistence that +Araby needs his immediate presence--alone--may well tax the most +serpentine of minds." + +"I can but try it," said the serpentine one simply. + +The King jumped up and shook him warmly by the hand. + +"You think you can do it?" he said excitedly. + +"If Prince Udo does not start back to Araby to-morrow----" + +"Alone," said Merriwig. + +"Alone--then I shall have failed in my task." + + * * * * * + +"My dear," said the King to his daughter as she kissed him good-night +that evening, "I believe you are going to marry a very wise young +man." + +"Of course I am, Father." + +"I only hope you'll be as happy with him as I shall be with--as I was +with your mother. Though how he's going to bring it off," he added to +himself, "is more than I can think." + + + +CHAPTER XXII + +THE SEVENTEEN VOLUMES GO BACK AGAIN + +King Merriwig of Eastern Euralia sat at breakfast on his castle walls. +He lifted the gold cover from the gold dish in front of him, selected +a trout, and conveyed it carefully to his gold plate. When you have +an aunt---- But I need not say that again. + +King Coronel of Western Euralia sat at breakfast on _his_ castle +walls. He lifted the gold cover from the gold dish in front of him, +selected a trout, and conveyed it carefully to his gold plate. When +your wife's father has an aunt---- + +Prince Udo of Araby sat at breakfast---- But one must draw the line +somewhere. I refuse to follow Udo through any more meals. Indeed, I +think there has been quite enough eating and drinking in this book +already. Quite enough of everything in fact; but the time has nearly +come to say good-bye. + +Let us speed the Prince of Araby first. His departure from Euralia +was sudden; five minutes' conversation with Coronel convinced him that +there had been a mistake about Belvane's feelings for him, and that he +could leave for Araby in perfect safety. + +"You must come and see us again," said Merriwig heartily, as he shook +him by the hand. + +"Yes, do," said Hyacinth. + +There are two ways of saying this sort of thing, and theirs was the +second way. So was Udo's, when he answered that he would be +delighted. + +It was just a week later that the famous double wedding was celebrated +in Euralia. As an occasion for speech-making by King Merriwig and +largesse-throwing by Queen Belvane it demanded and (got) a whole +chapter to itself in Roger's History. I have Roger on my side at +last. The virtues he denied to the Countess he cannot but allow to +the Queen. + +Nor could Hyacinth resist her any longer. Belvane upon her palfrey, +laughter in her eyes and roses in her cheeks, her lips slightly parted +with eagerness as she flings her silver to the crowd, adorably +conscious of her childishness and yet glorifying in it, could have no +enemies that day. + +"She is a dear," said Hyacinth to Coronel. "She will make a wonderful +Queen." + +"I know a Queen worth two of her," said Coronel. + +"But you do admire her, don't you?" + +"Not particularly." + +"Oh, Coronel, you must," said Hyacinth, but she felt very happy all +the same. + +They rode off the next day to their kingdom. The Chancellor had had +an exciting week; for seven successive evenings he had been extremely +mysterious and reserved to his wife, but now his business was finished +and King Merriwig reigned over Eastern Euralia and King Coronel over +the West. + +Let us just take a look at Belvane's diary before we move on to the +last scene. + +"_Thursday, September 15th_," it says. "_Became good._" + +Now for the last scene. + +King Merriwig sat in Belvane's garden. They had spent the morning +revising their joint book of poetry for publication. The first set of +verses was entirely Merriwig's own. It went like this: + + _Bo, boll, bill, bole._ + _Wo, woll, will, wole._ + +A note by the authors called attention to the fact that it could be +begun from either end. The rest of the poems were mainly by Belvane, +Merriwig's share in them consisting of a "Capital," or an "I like +that," when they were read out to him; but an epic commonly attributed +to Charlotte Patacake had crept in somehow. + +"A person to see your Majesty," said a flunkey, appearing suddenly. + +"What sort of person?" asked Merriwig. + +"A sort of person, your Majesty." + +"See him here, dear," said Belvane, as she got up. "I have things to +do in the Palace." + +She left him; and by and by the flunkey returned with the stranger. +He was a pleasant-looking person with a round clean-shaven face; +something in the agricultural way, to judge from his clothes. + +"Well?" said Merriwig. + +"I desire to be your Majesty's swineherd," said the other. + +"What do you know of swineherding?" + +"I have a sort of natural aptitude for it, your Majesty, although I +have never actually been one." + +"My own case exactly. Now then, let me see--how would you----" + +The stranger took out a large red handkerchief and wiped his forehead. + +"You propose to ask me a few questions, your Majesty?" + +"Well, naturally, I----" + +"Let me beg of you not to. By all you hold sacred let me implore you +not to confuse me with questions." He drew himself up and thumped his +chest with his fist. "I have a feeling for swineherding; it is +enough." + +Merriwig began to like the man; it was just how he felt about the +thing himself. + +"I once carried on a long technical conversation with a swineherd," he +said reminiscently, "and we found we had much in common. It is an +inspiring life." + +"It was in just that way," said the stranger, "that I discovered my +own natural bent towards it." + +"How very odd! Do you know, there's something about your face that I +seem to recognise?" + +The stranger decided to be frank. + +"I owe this face to you," he said simply. + +Merriwig looked startled. + +"In short," said the other, "I am the late King of Barodia." + +Merriwig gripped his hand. + +[Illustration: _He was a pleasant-looking person, with a round +clean-shaven face_] + +"My dear fellow," he said. "My very dear fellow, of course you are. +Dear me, how it brings it all back. And--may I say--what an +improvement. Really, I'm delighted to see you. You must tell me all +about it. But first some refreshment." + +At the word "refreshment" the late King of Barodia broke down +altogether, and it was only Merriwig's hummings and hawings and +thumpings on the back and (later on) the refreshment itself which kept +him from bursting into tears. + +"My dear friend," he said, as he wiped his mouth for the last time, +"you have saved me." + +"But what does it all mean?" asked Merriwig in bewilderment. + +"Listen and I will tell you," + +He told himself of the great resolution to which he had come on that +famous morning when he awoke to find himself whiskerless. Barodia had +no more use for him now as a King, and he on his side was eager to +carve out for himself a new life as a swineherd. + +"I had a natural gift," he said plaintively, "an instinctive feeling +for it. I know I had. Whatever they said about it afterwards--and +they said many hard things--I was certain that I had that feeling. I +had proved it, you know; there couldn't be any mistake." + +"Well?" + +"Ah, but they laughed at me. They asked me confusing questions; +niggling little questions about the things swine ate and--and things +like that. The great principles of swineherding, the--what I may call +the art of herding swine, the whole theory of shepherding pigs in a +broad-minded way, all this they ignored. They laughed at me and +turned me out with jeers and blows--to starve." + +Merriwig patted him sympathetically, and pressed some more food on +him. + +"I ranged over the whole of Barodia. Nobody would take me in. It is +a terrible thing, my dear Merriwig, to begin to lose faith in +yourself. I had to tell myself at last that perhaps there was +something about Barodian swine which made them different from those of +any other country. As a last hope I came to Euralia; if here too I +was spurned, then I should know that----" + +"Just a moment," said Merriwig, breaking in eagerly. "Who was this +swineherd that you talked to----" + +"I talked to so many," said the other sadly. "They all scoffed at +me." + +"No, but the first one; the one that showed you that you had a bent +towards it. Didn't you say that----" + +"Oh, that one. That was at the beginning of our war. Do you remember +telling me that your swineherd had an invisible cloak? It was he +that----" + +Merriwig looked at him sadly and shook his head. + +"My poor friend," he said, "it was me." + +They gazed at each other earnestly. Each of them was going over in +his mind the exact details of that famous meeting. + +"Yes," they murmured together, "it was us." + +The King of Barodia's mind raced on through all the bitter months that +had followed; he shivered as he thought of the things he had said; the +things that had been said to him seemed of small account now. + +"Not even a swineherd!" he remarked. + +"Come, come," said Merriwig, "look on the bright side; you can always +be a King again." + +The late King of Barodia shook his head. + +"It's a come down to a man with any pride," he said. "No, I'll stick +to my own job. After all, I've been learning these last weeks; at any +rate I know that what I do know isn't worth knowing, and that's +something." + +"Then stay with me," said Merriwig heartily. "My swineherd will teach +you your work, and when he retires you can take it on." + +"Do you mean it?" + +"Of course I do. I shall be glad to have you about the place. In the +evening, when the pigs are asleep, you can come in and have a chat +with us." + +"Bless you," said the new apprentice; "bless you, your Majesty." + +They shook hands on it. + +"My dear," said Merriwig to Belvane that evening, "you haven't married +a very clever fellow. I discovered this afternoon that I'm not even +as clever as I thought I was." + +"You don't want cleverness in a King," said Belvane, smiling lovingly +at him, "or in a husband." + +"What do you want then?" + +"Just dearness," said Belvane. + + + +And now my story is done. With a sigh I unload the seventeen volumes +of Euralian History from my desk, carrying them one by one across the +library and placing them carefully in the shelf which has been built +for them. For some months they have stood a rampart between me and +the world, behind which I have lived in far-off days with Merriwig and +Hyacinth and my Lady Belvane. The rampart is gone, and in the bright +light of to-day which streams on to my desk the vision slowly fades. +Once on a time . . + +Yet I see one figure clearly still. He is tall and thin, with a white +peaked face of which the long inquisitive nose is the outstanding +feature. His hair is lank and uncared for; his russet smock, tied in +at the waist, wants brushing; his untidy cross-gartered hose shows up +the meagerness of his legs. No knightly figure this, yet I look upon +him very tenderly. For it is Roger Scurvilegs on his way to the +Palace for news. + +To Roger too I must say good-bye. I say it not without remorse, for I +feel that I have been hard upon the man to whom I owe so much. +Perhaps it will not be altogether good-bye; in his seventeen volumes +there are many other tales to be found. Next time (if there be a next +time) I owe it to Roger to stand aside and let him tell the story more +in his own way. I think he would like that. + +But it shall not be a story about Belvane. I saw Belvane (or some one +like her) at a country house in Shropshire last summer, and I know +that Roger can never do her justice. + +[Illustration: _Roger Scurvilegs_] + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Once on a Time, by A. A. 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