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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/28162-8.txt b/28162-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f8c8843 --- /dev/null +++ b/28162-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,8914 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Invader, by Margaret L. Woods + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Invader + A Novel + +Author: Margaret L. Woods + +Release Date: February 23, 2009 [EBook #28162] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE INVADER *** + + + + +Produced by Sankar Viswanathan, David Clarke, and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net +(This file was produced from images generously made +available by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + + + + + + + The Invader + + A NOVEL + + + + By + + Margaret L. Woods + + + + + + New York and London + + Harper & Brothers Publishers + + 1907 + + + + + Copyright, 1907, by HARPER & BROTHERS. + + Published May, 1907. + + * * * * * + + + + +TO + +Hilda Greaves + +AND THE DUMB COMPANIONS OF TAN-YR-ALLT +THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED BY THEIR +GRATEFUL AND AFFECTIONATE +FRIEND + + * * * * * + + + + +THE INVADER + +CHAPTER I + + +Dinner was over and the ladies had just risen, when the Professor had +begged to introduce them to the new-comer on his walls. The Invader, it +might almost have been called, this full-length, life-size portrait, +which, in the illumination of a lamp turned full upon it, seemed to take +possession of the small room, to dominate at the end of the polished-oak +table, where the light of shaded candles fell on old blue plates, old +Venetian glass, a bit of old Italian brocade, and chrysanthemums in a +china bowl coveted by collectors. Every detail spoke of the +connoisseurship, the refined and personal taste characteristic of Oxford +in the eighties. The authority on art put up his eye-glasses and +fingered his tiny forked beard uneasily. + +"There's no doubt it's a good thing, Fletcher," he said, presently--"really +quite good. But it's too like Romney to be Raeburn, and too like Raeburn to +be Romney. You ought to be able to find out the painter, if, as you say, +it's a portrait of your own great-grandmother--" + +"He did say so!" broke in Sanderson, exultantly. "He said it was an +ancestress. Fletcher, you're a vulgar fraud. You've got no ancestress. +You bought her. There's a sale-ticket still on the frame under the +projection at the right-hand lower corner. I saw it." + +Sanderson was a small man and walked about perpetually, except when +taking food: sometimes then. He was a licensed insulter of his friends, +and now stood before the picture in a belligerent attitude. The +Professor stroked his amber beard and smiled down on Sanderson. + +"True, O Sanderson; and at the same time untrue. I did buy the picture, +and the lady was my great-grandmother once, but she did not like the +position and soon gave it up. This picture must have been done after she +had given it up." + +"Is this a conundrum or blather, invented to hide your ignominy in a +cloud of words?" asked Sanderson. + +"It's a _hors d'oeuvre_ before the story," interposed Ian Stewart, +throwing back his tall dark head and looking up at the picture through +his eye-glasses, his handsome face alive with interest. "'Tak' awa' the +kickshaws,' Fletcher, 'and bring us the cauf.'" + +The Professor gathered his full beard in one hand and smiled +deprecatingly. + +"I don't know how the ladies will like my ex-great-grandmother's story. +It was a bit of a scandal at the time." + +"Never mind, Mr. Fletcher," cried a young married woman, with a face +like a seraph, "we're all educated now, and scandal about a lady with +her waist under her arms becomes simply classical." + +"Not so bad as that, Mrs. Shaw, I assure you," returned the Professor; +"but I dare say you all know as much as I do about my great-grandmother, +for she was the well-known Lady Hammerton." + +There were sounds of interest and surprise, for most of the party knew +her name, and were curious to learn how she came to be Professor +Fletcher's great-grandmother. Mr. Fletcher explained: + +"My great-grandfather was a distinguished professor in Edinburgh a +hundred years ago. When he was a widower of forty with a family, he was +silly enough to fall in love with a little miss of sixteen. He taught +her Latin and Greek--which was all very well--and married her, which was +distinctly unwise. She had one son--my grandfather--and then ran away +with an actor from London. After that she made a certain sensation on +the stage, but I suspect she was clever enough to see that her real +successes were personal ones; at all events, she made a good marriage as +soon as ever she got the chance. The Hammerton family naturally +objected. You'll find all about it in those papers which have come out +lately. I believe, ladies, they were almost as much scandalized by her +learning as by her morals." + +"She told Sydney Smith years after, I think," observed Stewart, "that +she had to be a wit lest people should find out she was a blue. There's +a good deal about her in the Englefield _Memoirs_. She travelled +extraordinarily for a woman in those days, and most of the real +treasures at Hammerton House come from her collections." + +"I thought they were nearly all burned in a great fire, and she was +burned trying to save them," said Mrs. Shaw. + +"A good many were saved," returned Fletcher; "she had rushed back to +fetch a favorite bronze, was seen hurling it out of the window--and was +never seen again." + +"She must have been a very remarkable woman," commented Stewart, +meditatively, his eyes still fixed on the picture. + +"Know nothing about her myself," remarked Sanderson; "Stewart knows +something about everybody. It's sickening the way he spends his time +reading gossip and calling it history." + +"Gossip's like many common things, interesting when fossilized," +squeaked a little, white-haired, pink-faced old gentleman, like an +elderly cherub in dress-clothes. He had remained at the other end of the +room because he did not care for pictures. Now he toddled a little +nearer and every one made way for him with a peculiar respect, for he +was the Master of Durham, whose name was great in Oxford and also in the +world outside it. He looked up first at the pictured face and then at +Milly Flaxman, a young cousin of Fletcher's and a scholar of Ascham +Hall, who had taken her First in Mods, and was hoping to get one in +Greats. The Master liked young girls, but they had to be clever as well +as pleasing in appearance to attract his attention. + +"It's very like Miss Flaxman," he squeaked. + +Every one turned their eyes from the picture to Milly, whose pale cheeks +blushed a bright pink. The blush emphasized her resemblance to her +ancestress, whose brilliant complexion, however, hinted at rouge. +Milly's soft hair was amber-colored, like that of the lady in the +picture, but it was strained back from her face and twisted in a minute +knot on the nape of her neck. That was the way in which her aunt Lady +Thomson, whose example she desired to follow in all things, did her +hair. The long, clearly drawn eyebrows, dark in comparison with the +amber hair, the turquoise blue eyes, the mouth of the pictured lady were +curiously reproduced in Milly Flaxman. Possibly her figure may have been +designed by nature to be as slight and supple, yet rounded, as that of +the white-robed, gray-scarfed lady above there. But something or some +one had intervened, and Milly looked stiff and shapeless in a green +velveteen frock, scooped out vaguely around her white young throat and +gathered in clumsy folds under a liberty silk sash. + +Mrs. Shaw cried out enraptured at the interesting resemblance which had +escaped them all, to be instantly caught by the elderly cherub in the +background, who did not care about art, while the Professor explained +that both Milly's parents were, like himself, great-grandchildren of +Lady Hammerton. The seraph now fell upon Milly, too shy to resist, had +out her hair-pins in a trice and fingered the fluffy hair till it made +an aureole around her face. Then by some conjuring trick producing a +gauzy white scarf, Mrs. Shaw twisted it about the girl's head, in +imitation of the lady on the wall, who had just such a scarf, but with a +tiny embroidered border of scarlet, twisted turban-wise and floating +behind. + +"There!" she cried, pushing the feebly protesting Milly into the full +light of the lamp the Professor was holding, "allow me to present to you +the new Lady Hammerton!" + +There was a moment of wondering silence. Milly's pulses beat, for she +felt Ian Stewart's eyes upon her. Neither he nor any one else there had +ever quite realized before what capacities for beauty lay hid in the +subdued young face of Milly Flaxman. She had nothing indeed of the +charm, at once subtle and challenging, of the lady above there. She, +with one hand on the gold head of a tall cane, looking back, seemed to +dare unseen adorers to follow her into a magic, perhaps a fatal +fairyland of mountain and waterfall and cloud; a land whose dim mists +and silver gleams seemed to echo the gray and the white of her floating +garments, its autumn leaves to catch a faint reflection from her hair, +while far off its sky showed a thin line of sunset, red like the border +of her veil. Milly's soft cheeks and lips were flushed, her eyes bright +with a mixture of very innocent emotions, as she stood with every one's +eyes, including Ian Stewart's, upon her. + +But in a minute the Master took up Mrs. Shaw's remark. + +"No," he said, emphatically; "not a new Lady Hammerton; only a rather +new Miss Flaxman; and that, I assure you, is something very preferable." + +"I'm quite sure the Master knows something dreadful about your +great-grandmother, Mr. Fletcher," laughed Mrs. Shaw. + +"I think we'd better go before he tells it," interposed Mrs. Fletcher, +who saw that Milly was feeling shy. + +When the ladies had left, the men reseated themselves at the table and +there was a pause. Everyone waited for the Master, who seemed meditating +speech. + +"My mother," he said--and somehow they all felt startled to learn the +fact that the Master had had a mother--"my mother knew Lady Hammerton in +the twenties. She was often at Bath." + +The thin, staccato voice broke off abruptly, and three out of the five +other men present being the Master's pupils, remained silent, knowing he +had not finished. But Mr. Toovey, a young don overflowing with mild +intelligence, exclaimed, deferentially: + +"Really, Master! Really! How extremely interesting! Now do please tell +us a great deal about Lady Hammerton." + +The Master took no notice whatever of Toovey. He sat about a minute +longer in his familiar posture, looking before him, his little round +hands on his little round knees. Then he said: + +"She was a raddled woman." + +And his pupils knew he had finished speaking. What he had said was +disappointingly little, but uttered in that strange high voice of his, +it contained an infinite deal more than appeared on the face of it. A +whole discreditable past seemed to emerge from that one word "raddled." +Ian Stewart, to whose imagination the woman in the picture made a +strange appeal, now broke a lance with the Master on her account. + +"She may have been raddled, Master," he said, "but she must have been +very remarkable and charming too. Hammerton himself was no fool, yet he +adored her to the last." + +The Master seemed to hope some one else would speak; but finding that no +one did, he uttered again: + +"Men often adore bad wives. That does not make them good ones." + +Stewart tossed a rebel lock of raven black hair back from his forehead. + +"Pardon me, Master, it does make them good wives for those men." + +"Oh, surely not good for their higher natures!" protested Toovey, +fervently. + +The Master took three deliberate sips of port wine. + +"I think, Stewart, we are discussing matters we know very little about," +he said, in a particularly high, dry voice; and every one felt that the +discussion was closed. Then he turned to Sanderson and made some remark +about a house which Sanderson's College, of which he was junior bursar, +was selling to Durham. + +Fletcher, the only married man present, mourned inwardly over his own +masculine stupidity. He felt sure that if his wife had been there she +would have gently led Stewart's mind through these paradoxical +matrimonial fancies, to dwell on another picture; a picture of marriage +with a nice girl almost as pretty as Lady Hammerton, a good girl who +shared his tastes, and, above all, who adored him. David Fletcher felt +himself pitiably unequal to the task, although he was as anxious as his +wife was that Stewart should marry Milly. Did not all their friends wish +it? It seemed to them that there could not be a more suitable couple. If +Milly was working so terribly hard to get her First in Greats, it was +largely because Mr. Stewart was one of her tutors and she knew he +thought a good deal of success in the Schools. + +There could be no doubt about Milly Flaxman's goodness; in fact, some of +the girls at Ascham complained that it "slopped over." Her clothes were +made on hygienic principles which she treated as a branch of morals, and +she often refused to offer the small change of polite society because it +weighed somewhat light in the scales of truth. But these were foibles +that the young people's friends were sure Ian Stewart would never +notice. As to him, although only four and thirty, he was already a +distinguished man. A scholar, a philosopher, and an archæologist, he had +also imagination and a sense of style. He had written a brilliant book +on Greek life at a particular period, which had brought him a reputation +among the learned and also found readers in the educated public. His +disposition was sweet, his character unusually high, judged even by the +standard of the academic world, which has a higher standard than most. +Obviously he would make an excellent husband; and equally obviously, as +he had no near relations and his health was delicate, it would be a +capital thing for him to have a home of his own and a devoted wife to +look after him. Their income would be small, but not smaller than that +of most young couples in Oxford, who contrived, nevertheless, to live +refined and pleasant lives and to be well-considered in a society where +money positively did not count. + +But if Fletcher did not succeed in forwarding this matrimonial scheme in +the dining-room, his wife succeeded no better when the gentlemen came +into the drawing-room. She rose from a sofa in the corner, leaving Milly +seated there; but Mr. Toovey made his way straight to Miss Flaxman, +without a glance to right or left, and bending over her before he seated +himself at her side, fixed upon her a patronizing, a possessive smile +which would have made some girls long for a barbarous freedom in the +matter of face-slapping. But Milly Flaxman was meek. She took Archibald +Toovey's seriousness for depth, and as his attentions had become +unmistakable, had several times lain awake at night tormenting herself +as to whether her behavior towards him was or was not right. Accordingly +she submitted to being monopolized by Mr. Toovey, while Ian Stewart +turned away and made himself pleasant to an unattractive lady-visitor of +the Fletchers', who looked shy and left-alone. When Mrs. Fletcher tried +to effect a change of partners, Ian explained that he found himself +unexpectedly obliged to attend a College meeting at ten o'clock. In a +place where there are no offices to close and business engagements are +liable to crop up at any time in the evening, there was no need for +extravagance of apology for this early departure. + +He changed his shoes in the narrow hall and put on his seedy-looking +dark overcoat, quite unconscious that Mrs. Fletcher had had the collar +mended since he had taken it off. Then he went out into the damp +November night, unlit by moon or star. But to Stewart the darkness of +night, on whatever corner of earth he might chance to find it descended, +remained always a romantic, mysterious thing, setting his imagination +free among visionary possibilities, without form, but not for that void. +The road between the railing of the parks and the row of old lopped +elms, was ill-lighted by the meagre flame of a few gas-lamps and hardly +cheered by the smothered glow of the small prison-like windows of Keble, +glimmering through the bare trees. There was not a sound near, except +the occasional drip of slow-collecting dews from the branches of the old +elms. Afar, too, many would have said there was not a sound; but there +was, and Ian's ear was attuned to catch it. The immense inarticulate +whisper of night came to him. It came to him from the deserted parks, +from the distant Cherwell flowing through its willow-roots and +osier-islands, from the flat meadow-country beyond, stretching away to +the coppices of the low boundary hills. It was a voice made up of many +whispers, each imperceptible, or almost imperceptible in itself; whisper +of water and dry reeds, of broken twigs and dry leaves fluttering to the +ground, of heaped dead leaves or coarse winter grass, stirring in some +slight movement of the air. It seemed to his imagination as though under +the darkness, in the loneliness of night, the man-mastered world must be +secretly transformed, returned to its primal freedom; and that could he +go forth into it alone, he would find it quite different from anything +familiar to him, and might meet with something, he knew not what, +secret, strange, and perhaps terrible. + +Such fancies, though less crystallized than they must needs be by words, +floated in the penumbra of his mind, coming to him perhaps with the +blood of remote Highland ancestors, children of mountains and mist. His +reasonable self was perfectly aware that should he go, he would find +nothing in the open fields at that hour except a sleeping cow or two, +and would return wet as to the legs, and developing a severe cold for +the morning. But he heard these far-off whisperings of the night +playing, as it were, a mysterious "ground" to his thoughts of Milly +Flaxman. The least fatuous of men, he had yet been obliged to see that +his friends in general and the Fletchers in particular, wished him to +marry Milly, and that the girl herself hung upon his words with a +tremulous sensitivity even greater than the enthusiastic female student +usually exhibits towards those of her lecturer. In the abstract he +intended to marry; for he did not desire to be left an old bachelor in +college. He had been waiting for the great experience of falling in +love, and somehow it had never come to him. There were probably numbers +of people to whom it never did come. Should he now give up all hope of +it, and make a marriage of reason and of obligingness, such as his +marriage with Miss Flaxman would assuredly be? Thank Heaven! as her +tutor he could not possibly propose to her till she had got through the +Schools, so there were more than six months in which to consider the +question. + +And while he communed thus with himself, the mysterious whispers of the +night came nearer to him, in the blackness of garden trees, ancient +trees of College gardens brooding alone, whispering alone through the +dark hours, of that current of young life which is still flowing past +them; how for hundreds of years it has always been flowing, and always +passing, passing, passing so quickly to the great silent sea of death +and oblivion, to the dark night whose silence is only sometimes stirred +by vague whispers, anxious yet faint, dying upon the ear before the +sense can seize them. + + + + +CHAPTER II + + +Parties in Oxford always break up early, and Milly had a good excuse for +carrying her aching, disappointed heart back to Ascham at ten o'clock, +for every one knew she was working hard. Too hard, Mr. Fletcher said, +looking concernedly at her heavy eyes, mottled complexion, and the +little crumples which were beginning to come in her low white forehead. +Her cousins, however, had more than a suspicion that these marks of care +and woe were not altogether due to her work, but that Ian Stewart was +accountable for most of them. + +The Professor escorted her to the gates of the Ladies' College; but she +walked down the dark drive alone, mindful of familiar puddles, and +hearing nothing of those mysterious whispers of night which in Ian +Stewart's ears had breathed a "ground" to his troubled thoughts of her. + +She mounted the stairs to her room at the top of the house. It was an +extremely neat room, and by day, when the bed was disguised as a sofa, +and the washstand closed, there was nothing to reveal that it served as +a bedroom, although a tarnished old mirror hung in a dark corner. The +oak table and pair of brass candlesticks upon it were kept in shining +order by Milly's own zealous hands. + +Milly found her books open at the right place and her writing materials +ready to hand. In a very few minutes her outer garments and simple +ornaments were put away, and clothed in a clean but shrunk and faded +blue dressing-gown, she sat down to work. The work was Aristotle's +_Ethics_, and she was going through it for the second time, amplifying +her notes. But this second time the Greek seemed more difficult, the +philosophic argument more intricate than ever. She had had very little +sleep for weeks, and her head ached in a queer way as though something +inside it were strained very tight. It was plain that she had come to +the end of her powers of work for the present--and she had calculated +that only by not wasting a day, except for a week's holiday at Easter, +could she get through all that had to be done before the Schools! + +She put Aristotle away and opened Mommsen, but even to that she could +not give her attention. Her thoughts returned to the bitter +disappointment which the evening had brought. Ian Stewart had been next +her at dinner, but even then he had talked to her rather less than to +Mrs. Shaw. Afterwards--well, perhaps it was only what she deserved for +not making it plain to poor Mr. Toovey that she could never return his +feelings. And now the First, which she had looked to as a thing that +would set her nearer the level of her idol, was dropping below the +horizon of the possible. Aunt Beatrice always said--and she was +right--that tears were not, as people pretended, a help and solace in +trouble. They merely took the starch out of you and left you a poor +soaked, limp creature, unfit to face the hard facts of life. But +sometimes tears will lie heavy and scalding as molten lead in the brain, +until at length they force their way through to the light. And Milly +after blowing her nose a good deal, as she mechanically turned the pages +of Mommsen, at length laid her arms on the book and transferred her +handkerchief to her eyes. But she tried to look as though she were +reading when Flora Timson came in. + +"At it again, M.! You know you're simply working yourself stupid." + +Thus speaking, Miss Timson, known to her intimates at Ascham as "Tims," +wagged sagely her very peculiar head. A crimson silk handkerchief was +tied around it, turban-wise, and no vestige of hair escaped from +beneath. There was in fact none to escape. Tims's sallow, comic little +face had neither eyebrows nor eyelashes on it, and her small figure was +not of a quality to triumph over the obvious disadvantages of a tight +black cloth dress with bright buttons, reminiscent of a page's suit. + +Milly pushed the candles farther away and looked up. + +"I was wanting to see you, Tims. Do tell me whether you managed to get +out of Miss Walker what Mr. Stewart said about my chances of a First." + +Tims pushed her silk turban still higher up on her forehead. + +"I can always humbug Miss Walker and make her say lots of indiscreet +things," Tims returned, with labored diplomacy. "But I don't repeat +them--at least, not invariably." + +There was a further argument on the point, which ended by Milly shedding +tears and imploring to be told the worst. + +Tims yielded. + +"Stewart said your scholarship was A 1, but he was afraid you wouldn't +get your First in Greats. He said you had a lot of difficulty in +expressing yourself and didn't seem to get the lead of their philosophy +and stuff--and--and generally wanted cleverness." + +"He said that?" asked Milly, in a low, sombre voice, speaking as though +to herself. "Well, I suppose it's better for me to know--not to go on +hoping, and hoping, and hoping. It means less misery in the end, no +doubt." + +There was such a depth of despair in her face and voice that Tims was +appalled at the consequence of her own revelation. She paced the room in +agitation, alternately uttering incoherent abuse of her friend's folly +and suggesting that she should at once abandon the ungrateful School of +_Literæ Humaniores_ and devote herself like Tims, to the joys of +experimental chemistry and the pleasures of practical anatomy. + +Meantime, Milly sat silent, one hand supporting her chin, the other +playing with a pencil. + +At length Tims, taking hold of Milly under the arms, advised her to "go +to bed and sleep it off." + +Milly rose dully and sat on the edge of her bed, while Tims awkwardly +removed the hair-pins which Mrs. Shaw had so deftly put in. But as she +was laying them on the little dressing-table, Milly suddenly flung +herself down on the bed and lay there a twisted heap of blue flannel, +her face buried in the pillows, her whole body shaken by a paroxysm of +sobs. Tims supposed that this might be a good thing for Milly; but for +herself it created an awkward situation. Her soothing remarks fell flat, +while to go away and leave her friend in this condition would seem +brutal. She sat down to "wait till the clouds rolled by," as she phrased +it. But twenty minutes passed and still the clouds did not roll by. + +"Look here, M." she said, argumentatively, standing by the bed. "You're +in hysterics. That's what's the matter with you." + +"I know I am," came in tones of muffled despair from the pillow. + +"Well!" Tims was very stern and accented her words heavily, +"then--pull--yourself--together--dear girl. Sit up!" + +Milly sat up, pressed her handkerchief over her face, and held her +breath. For a minute all was quiet; then another violent sob forced a +passage. + +"It's no use, Tims," she gasped. "I cannot--cannot--stop. Oh, what +would--!" She was going to say, "What would Aunt Beatrice think of me if +she knew how I was giving way!" but a fresh flood of tears suppressed +her speech. "My head's so bad! Such a splitting headache!" + +Tims tried scolding, slapping, a cold sponge, every remedy inexperience +could suggest, but the hysterical weeping could not be checked. + +"Look here, old girl," she said at length, "I know how I can stop you, +but I don't believe you'll let me do it." + +"No, not that, Tims! You know Miss Burt doesn't--" + +"Doesn't approve. Of course not. Perhaps you think old B. would approve +of the way you're going on now. Ha! Would she!" + +The sarcasm caused a new and alarming outburst. But finally, past all +respect for Miss Burt, and even for Lady Thomson herself, Milly +consented to submit to any remedy that Tims might choose to try. + +She was assisted hurriedly to undress and put to bed. Tims knew the +whereabouts of the prize-medal which Milly had won at school, and +placing the bright silver disk in her hand, directed her to fix her eyes +upon it. Seated on her heels on the patient's bed, her crimson turban +low on her forehead, her face screwed into intent wrinkles, Tims began +passing her slight hands slowly before Milly's face. + +The long slender fingers played about the girl's fair head, sometimes +pressed lightly upon her forehead, sometimes passed through her fluffy +hair, as it lay spread on the pillow about her like an amber cloud. + +"Don't cry, M.," Tims began repeating in a soft, monotonous voice. +"You've got nothing to cry about; your head doesn't ache now. Don't +cry." + +At first it was only by a strong effort that Milly could keep her +tear-blinded eyes fixed on the bright medal before her; but soon they +became chained to it, as by some attractive force. The shining disk +seemed to grow smaller, brighter, to recede imperceptibly till it was a +point of light somewhere a long way off, and with it all the sorrows and +agitations of her mind seemed also to recede into a dim distance, where +she was still aware of them, yet as though they were some one else's +sorrows and agitations, hardly at all concerning her. The aching tension +of her brain was relaxed and she felt as though she were drowning +without pain or struggle, gently floating down, down through a green +abyss of water, always seeing that distant light, showing as the sun +might show, seen from the depths of the sea. + +Before a quarter of an hour had passed, her sobs ceased in sighing +breaths, the breaths became regular and normal, the whole face slackened +and smoothed itself out. Tims changed the burden of her song. + +"Go to sleep, Milly. What you want is a good long sleep. Go to sleep, +Milly." + +Milly was sinking down upon the pillow, breathing the calm breath of +deep, refreshing slumber. Tims still crouched upon the bed, chanting her +monotonous song and contemplating her work. At length she slipped off, +conscious of pins-and-needles in her legs, and as she withdrew, Milly +with a sudden motion stretched her body out in the white bed, as +straight and still almost as that of the dead. The movement was +mechanical, but it gave a momentary check to Tims's triumph. She leaned +over her patient and began once more the crooning song. + +"Go to sleep, M.! What you want is a good long sleep. Go to sleep, +Milly!" + +But presently she ceased her song, for it was evident that Milly Flaxman +had indeed gone very sound asleep. + + + + +CHAPTER III + + +Tims was proud of the combined style and economy of her dress. She was +constantly discovering and revealing to an unappreciative world the +existence of superb tailors who made amazingly cheap dresses. For two +years she had been vainly advising her friends to go to the man who had +made her the frock she still wore for morning; a skirt and coat of tweed +with a large green check in it, a green waistcoat with gilt buttons, and +green gaiters to match. In this costume and coiffed with a man's wig, of +the vague color peculiar to such articles, Tims came down at her usual +hour, prepared to ask Milly what she thought of hypnotism now. But there +was no Milly over whom to enjoy this petty triumph. She climbed to the +top story as soon as breakfast was over, and entering Milly's room, +found her patient still sleeping soundly, low and straight in the bed, +just as she had been the preceding night. She was breathing regularly +and her face looked peaceful, although her eyes were still stained with +tears. The servant came in as Tims was looking at her. + +"I've tried to wake Miss Flaxman, miss," she said. "She's always very +particular as I should wake her, but she was that sound asleep this +morning, I 'adn't the 'eart to go on talking. Poor young lady! I expect +she's pretty well wore out, working away at her books, early and late, +the way she does." + +"Better leave her alone, Emma," agreed Tims. "I'll let Miss Burt know +about it." + +Miss Burt was glad to hear Milly Flaxman was oversleeping herself. She +had not been satisfied with the girl's appearance of late, and feared +Milly worked too hard and had bad nights. + +Tims had to go out at ten o'clock and did not return until +luncheon-time. She went up to Milly's room and knocked at the door. As +before, there was no answer. She went in and saw the girl still sound +asleep, straight and motionless in the bed. Her appearance was so +healthy and natural that it was absurd to feel uneasy at the length of +her slumber, yet remembering the triumph of hypnotism, Tims did feel a +little uneasy. She spoke to Miss Burt again about Milly's prolonged +sleep, but Miss Burt was not inclined to be anxious. She had strictly +forbidden Tims to hypnotize--or as she called it, mesmerize--any one in +the house, so that Tims said no more on the subject. She was working at +the Museum in the early part of the afternoon, only leaving it when the +light began to fail. But after work she went straight back to Ascham. +Milly was still asleep, but she had slightly shifted her position, and +altogether there was something about her aspect which suggested a +slumber less profound than before. Tims leaned over her and spoke +softly: + +"Wake up, M., wake up! You've been asleep quite long enough." + +Milly's body twitched a little. A responsive flicker which was almost a +convulsion, passed over her face; but she did not awake. It was evident, +however, that her spirit was gradually floating up to the surface from +the depths of oblivion in which it had been submerged. Tims took off her +Tam-o'-Shanter and ulster, and revealed in the simple elegance of the +tweed frock with green waistcoat and gaiters, put the kettle on the +fire. Then she went down-stairs to fetch some bread and butter and an +egg, wherewith to feed the patient when she awoke. + +She had not long left the room when the slumberer's eyes opened +gradually and stared with the fixity of semi-consciousness at a stem of +blossoming jessamine in the wall-paper. Then she slowly stretched her +arms above her head until some inches of wrist, slight and round and +white, emerged from the strictly plain night-gown sleeve. So she lay, +till suddenly, almost with a start, she pulled herself up and looked +about her. The gaze of her wide-open eyes travelled questioningly around +the quiet-toned room which two windows at right angles to each other +still kept light with the reflection of a yellow winter sunset. She +pushed the bedclothes down, dropped first one bare white foot, then the +other to the ground and looked doubtfully at a pair of worn felt +slippers which were placed beside the bed, before slipping her feet into +them. With the same air as of one assuming garments which do not belong +to her, she put on the faded blue flannel dressing-gown. Then she walked +to the southern window. None of the glories of Oxford were visible from +it; only the bare branches of trees through which appeared a huddle of +somewhat sordid looking roofs and the unimposing spire of St. Aloysius. +With the same air, questioning yet as in a dream, she turned to the +western window, which was open. Below, in its wintry dulness, lay the +garden of the College, bounded by an old gray wall which divided it from +the straggling street; beyond that, a mass of slate roofs. But a certain +glory was on the slate roofs and all the garden that was not in shadow. +For away over Wytham, where the blue vapor floated in the folds of the +hills, blending imperceptibly with the deep brown of the leafless woods, +sunset had lifted a wide curtain of cloud and showed between the gloom +of heaven and earth, a long straight pool of yellow light. + +She leaned out of the window. A mild fresh air which seemed to be +pouring over the earth through that rift in heaven which the sunset had +made, breathed freshly on her face and the yellow light shone on her +amber hair, which lay on her shoulders about the length of the hair of +an angel in some old Florentine picture. + +Miss Burt in galoshes and with a wrap over her head was coming up the +garden. She caught sight of that vision of gold and pale blue in the +window and smiled and waved her hand to Milly Flaxman. The vision +withdrew, trembling slightly as though with cold, and closed the +window. + +Tims came in, carrying a boiled egg and a plate of bread and butter. +Tims put down the egg-cup and the plate on the table before she relaxed +the wrinkle of carefulness and grinned triumphantly at her patient. + +"Well, old girl," she asked; "what do you say to hypnotism now? Put +_you_ to sleep, right enough, anyhow. Know what time it is?" + +The awakened sleeper made a few steps forward, leaned her hands on the +table, on the other side of which Tims stood, and gazed upon her with +startling intentness. Then she began to speak in a rapid, urgent voice. +Her words were in themselves ordinary and distinct, yet what she said +was entirely incomprehensible, a nightmare of speech, as though some +talking-machine had gone wrong and was pouring out a miscellaneous stock +of verbs, nouns, adjectives and the rest without meaning or cohesion. +Certain words reappeared with frequency, but Tims had a feeling that the +speaker did not attach their usual meaning to them. This travesty of +language went on for what appeared to the transfixed and terrified +listener quite a long time. At length the serious, almost tragic, +babbler, meeting with no response save the staring horror of Tims's too +expressive countenance, ended with a supplicating smile and a glance +which contrived to be charged at once with pathos and coquetry. This +smile, this look, were so totally unlike any expression which Tims had +ever seen on Milly's countenance that they heightened her feeling of +nightmare. But she pulled herself together and determined to show +presence of mind. She had already placed a basket-chair by the fire +ready for her patient, and now gently but firmly led Milly to it. + +"Sit down, Milly," she said--and the use of her friend's proper name +showed that she felt the occasion to be serious--"and don't speak again +till you've had some tea. Your head will be clearer presently, it's a +bit confused now, you know." + +The stranger Milly, still so unlike the Milly of Tims's intimacy, far +from exerting the unnatural strength of a maniac, passively permitted +herself to be placed in the chair and listened to what Tims was saying +with the puzzled intentness of a child or a foreigner, trying to +understand. She laid her head back in its little cloud of amber hair, +and looked up at Tims, who, frowning portentously, once more with lifted +finger enjoined silence. Tims then concealing her agitation behind a +cupboard-door, reached down the tea-things. By some strange accident the +methodical Milly's teapot was absent from its place; a phenomenon for +which Tims was thankful, as it imposed upon her the necessity of leaving +her patient for a few minutes. Shaking her finger again at Milly still +more emphatically, she went out, and locked the door behind her. After a +moment's thought, she reluctantly decided to report the matter to Miss +Burt. But Miss Burt was closeted with the treasurer and an architect +from London, and was on no account to be disturbed. So Tims went up to +her own room and rapidly revolved the situation. She was certain that +Milly was not physically ill; on the contrary, she looked much better +than she had looked on the previous day. This curious affection of the +speech-memory might be hysterical, as her sobbing the night before had +been, or it might be connected with some little failure of circulation +in the brain; an explanation, perhaps, pointed to by the extraordinary +length of her sleep. Anyhow, Tims felt sceptical as to a doctor being of +any use. + +She went to her cupboard to take out her own teapot, and her eye fell +upon a small medicine bottle marked "Brandy." Milly was a convinced +teetotaller; all the more reason, thought Tims, why a dose of alcohol +should give her nerves and circulation a fillip, only she must not know +of it, or she would certainly refuse the remedy. + +Pocketing the bottle and flourishing the teapot, Tims mounted again to +Milly's room. Her patient, who had spent the time wandering about the +room and examining everything in it, as well as she could in the +fast-falling twilight, resumed her position in the chair as soon as she +heard a step in the passage, and greeted her returning keeper with an +attractive smile. Tims uttering words of commendation, slyly poured some +brandy into one of the large teacups before lighting the candles. + +"Now, my girl," she said, when she had made the tea, "drink this, and +you'll feel better." + +Milly leaned forward, her round chin on her hand, and looked intently at +the tea-service and at the proffered cup. Then she suddenly raised her +head, clapped her hands softly, and cried in a tone of delighted +discovery, "Tea!" + +"Excuse me," she added, taking the cup with a little bow; and in two +seconds had helped herself to three lumps of sugar. Tims was surprised, +for Milly never took sugar in her tea. + +"That's right, M., you're going along well!" cried Tims, standing on the +hearth-rug, with one hand under her short coat-tails, while she gulped +her own tea, and ate two pieces of bread and butter put together. Milly +ate hers and drank her tea daintily, looking meanwhile at her companion +with wonder which gradually gave way to amusement. At length leaning +forward with a dimpling smile, she interrogated very politely and quite +lucidly. + +"Pardon me, sir, you are--? Ah, the doctor, no doubt! My poor head, you +see!" and she drew her fingers across her forehead. + +Tims started, and grabbed her wig, as was her wont in moments of +agitation. She stood transfixed, the teacup at a dangerous angle in her +extended hand. + +"Good God!" she ejaculated. "You are mad and no mistake, my poor old +girl." + +The "old girl" made a supreme effort to contain herself, and then burst +into a pretty, rippling laugh in which there was nothing familiar to +Tims's ear. She rose from her chair vivaciously and took the cup from +Tims's hand, to deposit it in safety on the chimney piece. + +"How silly I was!" she cried, regarding Tims sparklingly. "Do you know I +was not quite sure whether you were a man or a woman. Of course I see +now, and I'm so glad. I do like men, you know, so much better than +women." + +"Milly," retorted Tims, sternly, settling her wig. "You are mad, you +need not be bad as well. But it's my own fault for giving you that +brandy. You know as well as I do that I hate men--nasty, selfish, +guzzling, conceited, guffawing brutes! I never wanted to speak to a man +in my life, except in the way of business." + +Milly waved her amber head gracefully for a moment as though at a loss, +then returned playfully, "That must be because the women spoil you so." + +Tims smiled sardonically; but regaining her sense of the situation, out +of which she had been momentarily shocked, applied herself to the +problem of calling back poor Milly's wandering mind. + +"Sit down, my girl," she said, abruptly, putting her arm around Milly's +body, so soft and slender in the scanty folds of the blue dressing-gown. +Milly obeyed precipitately. Then drawing a small chair close to her, +Tims said in gentle tones which could hardly have been recognized as +hers: + +"M., darling, do you know where you are?" + +Milly turned on her a face from which the unnatural vivacity had fallen +like a mask; the appealing face of a poor lost child. + +"Am I--am I--in a _maison de santé_?" she asked tremulously, fixing her +blue eyes on Tims, full of piteous anxiety. + +"A lunatic asylum? Certainly not," replied Tims. "Now don't begin +crying again, old girl. That's how the trouble began." + +"Was it?" asked Milly, dreamily. "I thought it was--" she paused, +frowning before her in the air, as though trying to pursue with her +bodily vision some recollection which had flickered across her +consciousness only to disappear. + +"Well, never mind that now," said Tims, hastily; "get your bearings +right first. You're in Ascham College." + +"A College!" repeated Milly vaguely, but in a moment her face +brightened, "I know. A place of learning where they have professors and +things. Are you a professor?" + +"No, I'm a student. So are you." + +Milly looked fixedly at Tims, then smiled a melancholy smile. "I see," +she said, "we're both studying--medicine--medicine for the mind." She +stood up, locked her hands behind her head in her soft hair and wailed +miserably. "Oh, why won't some kind person come and tell me where I am, +and what I was before I came here?" + +Tears of wounded feelings sprang to Tims's eyes. "Milly, my beauty!" she +cried despairingly, "I'm trying to be kind to you and tell you +everything you want to know. Your name is Mildred Flaxman and you used +to live in Oxford here, but now all your people have gone to Australia +because your father's got a deanery there." + +"Have they left me here, mad and by myself?" asked Milly; "have I no one +to look after me, no one to give me a home?" + +"I suppose Lady Thomson or the Fletchers would," returned Tims, "but you +haven't wanted one. You've been quite happy at Ascham. Do try and +remember. Can't you remember getting your First in Mods. and how you've +been working to get one in Greats? Your brain's been right enough until +to-day, old girl, and it will be again. I expect it's a case of collapse +of memory from overwork. Things will come back to you soon and I'll help +you all I can. Do try and recollect me--Tims." There was an unmistakable +choke in Tims's voice. "We have been such chums. The others are all +pretty nasty to me sometimes--they seem to think I'm a grinning, wooden +Aunt Sally, stuck up for them to shy jokes at. But you've never once +been nasty to me, M., and there's precious few things I wouldn't do to +help you. So don't go talking to me as though there weren't any one in +the world who cared a brass farthing about you." + +"I'm sure I'm most thankful to find I have got some one here who cares +about me," returned Milly, meekly, passing her hand across her eyes for +lack of a handkerchief. "You see, it's dreadful for me to be like this. +I seem to know what things are, and yet I don't know. A little while ago +it seemed to me I was just going to remember something--something +different from what you've told me. But now it's all gone again. Oh, +please give me a handkerchief!" + +Tims opened one of Milly's tidy drawers and sought for a handkerchief. +When she had found it, Milly was standing before the high +chimney-piece, over which hung a long, low mirror about a foot wide and +divided into three parts by miniature pilasters of tarnished gilt. The +mirror, too, was tarnished here and there, but it had been a good glass +and showed undistorted the blue Delft jars on the mantel-shelf, glimpses +of flickering firelight in the room, amber hair and the tear-bedewed +roses of a flushed young face. Suddenly Milly thrust the jars aside, +seized the candle from the table, and, holding it near her face, looked +intently, anxiously in the glass. The anxiety vanished in a moment, but +not the intentness. She went on looking. Tims had always perceived +Milly's beauty--which had an odd way of slipping through the world +unobserved--but had never seen her look so lovely as now, her eyes wide +and brilliant, and her upper lip curved rosily over a shining glimpse of +her white teeth. + +Beauty had an extraordinary fascination for Tims, poor step-child of +nature! Now she stood looking at the reflection of Milly without +noticing how in the background her own strange, wizened face peered dim +and grotesque from the tarnished mirror, like the picture of a witch or +a goblin behind the fair semblance of some princess in a fairy tale. + +"I do remember myself partly," said Milly, doubtfully; "and yet--somehow +not quite. I suppose I shall remember you and this queer place soon, if +they don't put me into a mad-house at once." + +"They sha'n't," said Tims, decisively. "Trust to me, M., and I'll see +you through. But I'm afraid you'll have to give up all thought of your +First." + +"My what," asked Milly, turning round inquiringly. + +"Your First Class, your place, you know, in the Final Honors School, +Lit. Hum., the biggest examination of the lot." + +"Do I want it very much, my First?" + +"Want it? I should just think you do want it!" + +Milly stared at the fire for a minute, warming one foot before she spoke +again. Then: + +"How funny of me!" she observed, meditatively. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + + +Tims's programme happened to be full on the following day, so that it +was half-past twelve before she knocked at Milly's door and was +admitted. Milly stood in the middle of the room in an attitude of +energy, with her small wardrobe lying about her on the floor in +ignominious heaps. + +"Tell me, Tims," said Milly, after the first inquiries, "are those +positively all the clothes I possess?" + +"Of course they are, M. What do you want with more?" + +"Are they in the fashion?" asked Milly, anxiously. + +Tims stared. + +"Fashion! Good Lord, M.! What does it matter whether you look the same +as every fool in the street or not?" + +"Oh, Tims!" cried Milly, laughing that pretty rippling laugh so strange +in Tims's ears. "I was quite right when I made a mistake, you're just +like a man. All the better. But you can't expect me not to care a bit +about my clothes like you, you really can't." + +Tims drew herself up. + +"You're wrong, my girl, I'm a deal fonder of frocks than you are. I +always think," she added, looking before her dreamily, "that I was +meant to be a very good dresser, only I was brought up too economical." +Generally speaking, when Tims had uttered one of her deepest and truest +feelings, she would glance around, suddenly alert and suspicious to +surprise the twinkle in her auditor's eye. But in the clear blue of +Milly Flaxman's quiet eyes, she had ceased to look for that tormenting +twinkle, that spark which seemed destined to dance about her from the +cradle to the grave. + +Presently she found herself hanging up Milly's clothes while Milly paid +no attention; for she alternately stood before the glass in the dark +corner, and kneeled on the hearth-rug, curling-tongs in hand. And the +hair, the silky soft amber hair, which could be twisted into a tiny ball +or fluffed into a golden fleece at will, was being tossed up and pulled +down, combed here and brushed there, altogether handled with a zeal and +patience to which it had been a stranger since the days when it had been +the pride of the nursery. Tims the untidy, as one in a dream, went on +tidying the room she was accustomed to see so immaculate. + +"There!" cried Milly, turning, "that's how I wear it, isn't it?" + +"Good Lord, no!" exclaimed Tims, contemplating the transformed Milly. +"It suits you, M., in a way, but it looks queer too. The others will all +be hooting if you go down-stairs like that." + +Milly plumped into a chair irritably. + +"How ever am I to know how I did my hair if I can't remember? Please do +it for me." + +Tims smiled sardonically. + +"I'll lend you my hair," she said; "the second best. But _do_ your hair! +You really are as mad as a hatter." + +Milly shrugged her shoulders. + +"You can't? Then I keep it like this," she said. + +An argument ensued. Tims left the room to try and find a photograph of +Milly as she had been. + +When she returned she found her friend standing in absorbed +contemplation of a book in her hand. + +"This is Greek, isn't it?" she asked, holding it up. Her face wore a +little frown as of strained attention. + +"Right you are," shrieked Tims in accents of relief. "Greek it is. Can +you read it?" + +"Not yet," replied Milly, flushing with excitement, "but I shall soon, I +know I shall. Last night I couldn't make head or tail of the books. Now +I understand right enough what they are, and I know some are in Greek +and some in English. I can't read either yet, but it's all coming back +gradually, like the daylight coming in at the window this morning." + +"Hooray! Hooray!" shouted Tims. "You'll be reading as hard as ever in a +week if I don't look after you. But see here, my girl, you've given me a +nasty jar, and I'm not going to let you break your heart or crack your +brain in a wild-goose chase. You can't get that First, you know; you're +on a fairly good Second Class level, and you'd better make up your mind +to stay there." + +"A fairly good Second Class level!" repeated Milly, still turning the +leaves of the book. "That doesn't sound very exhilarating--and I rather +think I shall do as I like about staying there." + +Tims began to heat. + +"Well, that's what Stewart said about you. I don't believe I told you +half plain enough what Stewart did say, for fear of hurting your +feelings. He said you are a good scholar, but barring that, you weren't +at all clever." + +Milly looked up from her book; but she was not tearful. There was a curl +in her lip and the light of battle in her eye. + +"Stewart said that, did he? Now if I were a gentleman I should +say--'damn his impudence'--and 'who the devil is Stewart'; but then I'm +not. You can say it." + +Tims stared. "Oh, come, I say!" she exclaimed. "I don't swear, I only +quote. But my goodness, when you remember who Stewart is, you'll +be--well, pained to think of the language you're using about him." + +"Why?" asked Milly, her head riding disdainfully on her slender neck. + +"Because he's your tutor and lecturer--and a regular tiptop man at Greek +and all that--and you--you respect him most awfully." + +"Do I?" cried Milly--"did perhaps in my salad days. I've no respect +whatever for professors now, my good Tims. I know what they're like. +Here's Stewart for you." + +She took up a pen and a scrap of paper and dashed off a clever ludicrous +sketch of a man with long hair, an immense brow, and spectacles. + +"Nonsense!" said Tims; "that's not a bit like him." + +She held the paper in her hand and looked fixedly at it. Milly had been +wont seriously to grieve over her hopeless lack of artistic talent and +she had never attempted to caricature. Tims was thinking of a young +fellow of a college who had lately died of brain disease. In the earlier +stages of his insanity, it had been remarked that he had an originality +which had not been his when in a normal state. What if her friend were +developing the same terrible disease? If it were so, it was no use +fussing, since there was no remedy. Still, she felt a desperate need to +take some sort of precaution. + +"If I were you, M.," she said, "I'd go to bed and keep very quiet for a +day or two. You're so--so odd, and excited, they'd notice it if you went +down-stairs." + +"Would they?" asked Milly, suddenly sobered. "Would they say I was mad?" +An expression of fear came into her face, and its strangely luminous +eyes travelled around the room with a look as of some trapped creature +seeking escape. + +There was an awkward pause. + +"I'm not mad," affirmed Milly, swallowing with a dry throat. "I'm +perfectly sensible, but any one would be odd and excited too who +was--was as I am--with a number of words and ideas floating in my mind +without my having the least idea where they spring from. Please, Tims +dear, tell me how I am to behave. I should so hate to be thought queer, +wanting in any way." + +Tims considered. + +"For one thing, you mustn't talk such a lot. You never have been one for +chattering; and lately, of course, with your overwork, you've been +particularly quiet. Don't talk, M., that's my advice." + +"Very well," replied Milly, gloomily. + +Tims hesitated and went on: + +"But I don't see how you're going to hide up this business about your +memory. I wish you'd let me tell old B., anyhow." + +"I won't have any one told," cried Milly. "Not a creature. If only +you'll help me, dear, dear Tims--you will help me, won't you?--I shall +soon be all right, and no one except you will ever know. No one will be +able to shrug their shoulders and say, whatever I do, 'Of course she's +crazy.' I should hate it so! I know I can get on if I try. I'm much +cleverer than you and that silly old Stewart think. Promise me, promise +me, darling Tims, you won't betray me!" + +Tims was not weak-minded, but she was very tender-hearted and +exceedingly susceptible to personal charms. She ought not, she knew she +ought not, to have yielded, but she did. She promised. Yet in her +friend's own interest, she contended that Milly must confess to a +certain failure of memory from over-fatigue, if only as a pretext for +dropping her work for a while. It was agreed that Milly should remain in +bed for several days, and she did so; less bored than might have been +expected, because she had the constant excitement of this or that bit of +knowledge filtering back into her mind. But this knowledge was purely +intellectual. With Tims's help she had recovered her reading powers, and +although she felt at first only a vague recognition of something +familiar in the sense of what she read, it was evident that she was fast +regaining the use of the treasures stored in her brain by years of +dogged and methodical work. But the facts and personalities which had +made her own life seemed to have vanished, leaving "not a wrack behind." + +Tims, having primed her well beforehand, brought in the more important +girls to see her, and by dint of a cautious reserve she passed very well +with them, as with Miss Burt and Miss Walker. Tims seemed to feel much +more nervous than Milly herself did when she joined the other students +as usual. + +There were moments when Tims gasped with the certainty that the +revelation of her friend's blank ignorance of the place and people was +about to be made. Then Mildred--for so, despising the soft diminutive, +she now desired to be called--by some extraordinary exertion of tact and +ingenuity, would evade the inevitable and appear on the other side of +it, a little elated, but otherwise serene. It was generally marked that +Miss Flaxman was a different creature since she had given up worrying +about her Schools, and that no one would have believed how much prettier +she could make herself by doing her hair a different way. + +Miss Burt, however, was somewhat puzzled and uneasy. Although Milly was +looking unusually well, it was evident that all was not quite right with +her, for she complained of a failure of memory, a mental fatigue which +made it impossible for her to go to lectures, and she seemed to have +lost all interest in the Schools, which had so lately been for her the +"be-all" as well as the "end-all here." Miss Burt knew Milly's only near +relation in England, Lady Thomson, intimately; and for that reason +hesitated to write to her. She knew that Beatrice Thomson had no +patience with the talk--often silly enough--about girls overworking +their brains. She herself had never been laid up in her life, except +when her leg was broken, and her views on the subject of ill-health were +marked. She regarded the catching of scarlet-fever or influenza as an +act of cowardice, consumption or any organic disease as scarcely, if at +all, less disgraceful than drunkenness or fraud, while the countless +little ailments to which feminine flesh seems more particularly heir she +condemned as the most deplorable of female failings, except the love of +dress. + +Eventually Miss Burt did write to Lady Thomson, cautiously. Lady Thomson +replied that she was coming up to town on Thursday, and could so arrange +her journey as to have an hour and a half in Oxford. She would be at +Ascham at three-thirty. Mildred rushed to Tims with the agitating news +and both were greatly upset by it. However, Aunt Beatrice had got to be +faced sometime or other and Mildred's spirit rose to the encounter. + +She had by this time provided herself with another dress, encouraged to +do so by the money in hand left by the frugal Milly the First. She had +got a plain tailor-made coat and skirt, in a becoming shade of brown; +and with the unbecoming hard collar _de rigueur_ in those days, she wore +a turquoise blue tie, which seemed to reflect the color of her eyes. And +in spite of Tims's dissuasions, she put on the new dress on Thursday, +and declined to screw her hair up in the old way, as advised. + +Accordingly on Thursday at twenty-five minutes to four, Mildred +appeared, in answer to a summons, in the quiet-colored, pleasant +drawing-room at Ascham, with its French windows giving on to the lawn, +where some of the girls were playing hockey, not without cries. Her +first view of Aunt Beatrice was a pleasant surprise. A tall, upstanding +figure, draped in a long, soft cloak trimmed with fur, a handsome face +with marked features, marked eyebrows, a fine complexion and bright +brown eyes under a wide-brimmed felt hat. + +Having exchanged the customary peck, she waited in silence till Mildred +had seated herself. Then surveying her niece with satisfaction: + +"Come, Milly," said she, in a full, pleasant voice; "I don't see much +signs of the nervous invalid about you. Really, Polly," turning to Miss +Burt, "she has not looked so well for a long time." + +"She's been much better since she dropped her work," replied Miss Burt. + +"Taking plenty of fresh air and exercise, I suppose"--Aunt Beatrice +smiled kindly on her niece--"I'm afraid I've kept you from your hockey +this afternoon, Milly." + +"Oh no, Aunt Beatrice, certainly not," replied Milly, with the extreme +courtesy of nervousness. "I never play hockey now." + +Lady Thomson turned to the Head with a shade of triumph in her +satisfaction. + +"There, Polly! What did I tell you? I was sure there was something else +at the bottom of it. Steady work, methodically done, never hurt anybody. +But of course if she's given up exercise, her liver or something was +bound to get out of order." + +"No, really, I take lots of exercise," interposed Milly; "only I don't +care for hockey, it's such a horrid, rough, dirty game; don't you think +so? And Miss Walker got a front tooth broken last winter." + +Lady Thomson looked at her in a surprised way. + +"Well, if you've not been playing hockey, what exercise have you been +taking?" + +"Walks," replied Milly, feebly, feeling herself on the wrong track; "I +go walks with Ti--with Flora Timson when she has time." + +Aunt Beatrice looked at the matter judicially. + +"Of course, games are best for the physique. Look at men. Still, walking +will do, if one takes proper walks. I hope Flora Timson takes you good +long walks." + +"Indeed she does!" cried Milly. "Immense! She walks a dreadful pace, and +we get over stiles and things." + +"Immense is a little vague. How far do you go on an average?" + +Mildred's notions of distance were vague. "Quite two miles, I'm sure," +she responded, cheerfully. + +Aunt Beatrice made no comment. She looked steadily and scrutinizingly +at her niece, and in a kind but deepened voice told her to go up to her +room, whither she, Lady Thomson, would follow in a few minutes, just to +see how the Mantegnas looked now they were framed. + +As soon as the door had closed behind Mildred, she turned to Miss Burt. +"You're right, in a way, Polly, after all. There is something odd about +Milly, but I think it's affectation. Did you hear her answer? Two miles! +When to my knowledge she can easily walk ten." + +Meantime, Mildred mounted slowly to her room. She had tidied it under +Tims's instructions and had nothing to do but to sit down and think +until Lady Thomson's masculine step was heard outside her door. + +Aunt Beatrice came in and laid aside her hat and cloak, showing a dress +of rough gray tweed, and short--so far a tribute to the practical--but +otherwise made on some awkward artistic or hygienic principle. Her +glossy brown hair was brushed back and twisted tight, as Milly's used to +be, but with different effect, because of its heaviness and length. + +"Why have you crammed up one of your windows with a dressing-glass?" +asked Aunt Beatrice, putting a picture straight. + +"Because I can't see myself in that dark corner," returned Mildred, +demurely meek, but waiting her opportunity. + +"See yourself! My dear child, you hardly ever want to see yourself, if +you are habitually neat and dressed sensibly. I see you've adopted the +mannish style. That's a phase of vanity. You'll come back to the +beautiful and natural before long." + +Mildred leaned back in her chair and clasped her hands behind her head. + +"I don't think so, Aunt Beatrice. I've settled the dress question once +and for all. I've found a clean, tidy, convenient style of dress and I +can't waste time thinking about altering it again." + +"You don't seem to mind wasting it on doing your hair," returned Aunt +Beatrice, smiling, but not grimly, for she enjoyed logical fencing, even +to her opponent's fair hits. + +"If I had beautiful hair like yours, I shouldn't need to," replied +Mildred. "But you know how endy and untidy mine always was." + +Aunt Beatrice, embarrassed by the compliment, looked at her watch. "It +seems as if we women can't escape our fate," she said. "Here we are +gabbling about dress when we've plenty of important things to talk over. +Miss Burt wrote to me that you were overworked, run down, nerves out of +order, and all the usual nonsense. I'm thankful to find you looking +remarkably well. I should like to know what this humbug about not being +able to work means." + +"It means that--well, I simply can't," returned Mildred, earnestly this +time. "I can't remember things." + +"You must be able to remember; unless your brain's diseased, which is +most improbable. But I ought to take you to a brain specialist, I +suppose." + +Milly changed color. "Please, oh please, Aunt Beatrice, don't do that!" + +Lady Thomson, in fact, hardly meant it; for her niece's appearance was +unmistakably healthy. However, the threat told. + +"I shall if you don't improve. I can't understand you. Either you're +hysterical or you've got one of those abominable fits of frivolity which +come on women like drink on men, and destroy their careers. I thought we +had both set our hearts on your getting another First." + +"But, Aunt Beatrice, they say I can't. They say I'm not clever enough." + +"Oh, that's what they say, is it?" Lady Thomson smiled in calm but deep +contempt. "How do they explain the idiots who have got Firsts? Archibald +Toovey, for instance?" Her eyes met her niece's, and both smiled. + +"Ah, yes! Mr. Toovey," returned Milly, who had met Archibald Toovey at +the Fletchers', and converted his patronizing courtship into imbecile +raptures. + +"But that quite explains your losing an interest in your work. Just for +once, I should like to take you away before the end of term. We would go +straight to Rome next Monday. We shall meet the Breretons there, and go +fully over the new excavations and discoveries, besides the old things, +which will be new, of course, to you. Then we will go on to Naples, do +the galleries and Pompeii, and come back by Florence and Paris before +Christmas. By that time you will be ready to settle down to your work +steadily again and forget all this nonsense." + +Mildred's face had lighted up momentarily at the word "Rome." Then she +sucked her under lip and looked at the fire. When Lady Thomson's +programme was ended, she made a pause before she said, slowly: + +"Thank you so much, dear Aunt Beatrice. I should love to go, but--I +don't think--no, I don't think I'd better. You see, there's the +expense." + +"Of course I don't expect you to pay for yourself. I take you." + +"How very kind and sweet of you! But--well, do you know, you've +encouraged me so about that. First, I feel now as though I could sit +down and get it straight away. I will get it, Aunt Beatrice, if only to +make that old Professor look foolish." + +Lady Thomson, though disappointed in a way, felt that Milly Flaxman was +doing credit to her principles, showing a spirit worthy of her family. +She did not urge the Roman plan; but content with a victory over "nerves +and the usual nonsense," withdrew triumphant to the railway station. + +Tims came in when she was gone and heard about the Roman offer. + +"You refused, when Aunt Beatrice was going to plank down the dollars? +M., you are a fool!" + +"No, Tims," Mildred answered, deliberately; "you see, I don't feel sure +yet whether I can manage Aunt Beatrice." + + + + +CHAPTER V + + +Oxford is beautiful at all times, beautiful even now, in spite of the +cruel disfigurement inflicted upon her by the march of modern vulgarity, +but she has three high festivals which clothe her with a special glory +and crown her with their several crowns. One is the Festival of May, +when her hoary walls and ancient enclosures overflow with emerald and +white, rose-color and purple and gold, a foam of leafage and blossom, +breaking spray-like over edges of stone, gray as sea-worn rocks. And all +about the city the green meadows and groves burn with many tones of +color, brilliant as enamels or as precious stones, yet of a texture +softer and richer, more full of delicate shadows than any velvet mantle +that ever was woven for a queen. + +Another Festival comes with that strayed bacchanal October, who hangs +her scarlet and wine-colored garlands on cloister and pinnacle, on wall +and tower. And gradually the foliage of grove and garden, turns through +shade of bluish metallic green, to the mingled splendor of pale gold and +beaten bronze and deepest copper, half glowing and half drowned in the +low, mellow sunlight, and purple mist of autumn. + +Last comes the Festival of Mid-winter, the Festival of the Frost. The +rime comes, or the snow, and the long lines of the buildings, the +fret-work of stone, the battlements, carved pinnacles and images of +saints or devils, stand up with clear glittering outlines, or clustered +about and overhung with fantasies of ice and snow. Behind, the deep-blue +sky itself seems to glitter too. The frozen floods glitter in the +meadows, and every little twig on the bare trees. There is no color in +the earth, but the atmosphere of the river valley clothes distant hills +and trees and hedges with ultramarine vapor. Towards evening the mist +climbs, faintly veiling the tall groves of elms and the piled masses of +the city itself. The sunset begins to burn red behind Magdalen Tower, +all the towers and aery pinnacles rise blue yet distinct against it. And +this festival is not only one of nature. The glittering ice is spread +over the meadows, and, everywhere from morning till moonlight, the +rhythmical ring of the skate and the sound of voices sonorous with the +joy of living, travel far on the frosty air. Sometimes the very rivers +are frozen, and the broad, bare highway of the Thames and the +tree-sheltered path of the Cherwell are alive with black figures, +heel-winged like Mercury, flying swiftly on no errand, but for the mere +delight of flying. + +It was early on such a shining festival morning that Mildred, a willowy, +brown-clad figure, came down to a piece of ice in an outlying meadow. +Her shadow moved beside her in the sunshine, blue on the whiteness of +the snow, which crunched crisp and thin under her feet. She carried a +black bag in her hand--sign of the serious skater, and her face was +serious, even apprehensive. She saw with relief that except the sweepers +there was no one on the ice. A row of shivering men, buttoned up to the +chin in seedy coats, rose from the chairs where they awaited their +appointed prey, and all yelled to her at once. She crowned the hopes of +one by occupying his seat, but the important task of putting on the +bladed boots she could depute to none. Tims, whom no appeal of +friendship could induce to shiver on the ice, had told her that Milly +was an expert skater. She was, in fact, correct and accomplished, but +there was a stiffness and sense of effort about her style, a want of +that appearance of free and daring abandonment to the stroke of the +blade once launched, that makes the beauty of skating. Mildred knew only +that she had to live up to the reputation of a mighty skater, and was +not sure whether she could even stand on these knifelike edges. She +laced one boot, happy in the belief that at any rate there would be no +witness to her voyage of discovery. But a renewed yelling among the men +made her lift her head, and there, striding swiftly over the crisp snow, +came a tall, handsome young man, with a pointed, silky black beard and +fine, short-sighted black eyes, aglow with the pleasure of the frosty +sun. + +It was Ian Stewart. The young lady whom he discovered to be Miss Flaxman +just as he reached the chairs, was much more annoyed than he at the +encounter. Here was an acquaintance, it seemed, and one provided with +the bag and orange which Tims had warned her was the mark of the +serious skater. They exchanged remarks on the weather and she went on +lacing her other boot in great trepidation. The moment was come. She did +not recoil from the insult of being seized under her elbows by two men +and carefully planted on her feet as though she were most likely to +tumble down. So far as she knew, she was likely to. But, lo! no sooner +was she up than muscles and nerves, recking nothing of the brain's blind +denial, asserted their own acquaintance with the art of balance and +motion. Wondering, and for a few minutes still apprehensive, but +presently lost in the pleasure of the thing, Mildred began to fly over +the ice. And the dark, handsome man who had taken off his cap to her +became supremely unimportant. Unluckily the piece of flood-ice was not +endless and she had to come back. He was circling around an orange, and +she, throwing herself instinctively on to the outside edge, came down +towards him in great, sweeping curves, absorbed in the delight of this +motion, so new yet so perfectly under her control. Ian Stewart, +perceiving that the girl was absolutely unconscious of his presence, +blushed in his soul to think that he had been induced to believe himself +to be of importance in her eyes. + +"Miss Flaxman," he said, skating up to her, "I see you have no orange. +Can't we skate a figure together around mine?" + +"I've forgotten all about figures," replied Mildred, with truth. + +"Try some simple turns," he urged. "There are plenty here," and he held +up a book in his hand like the one she had found in her own black bag. +But it had "Ian Stewart, Durham College," written clearly on the +outside. + +"So that's Stewart!" thought Milly; and she could not help laughing at +her own thoughts, which had created him in a different image. + +Stewart did not know why she laughed, but he found the sound and sight +of the laugh new and charming. + +"It's awfully kind of you to undertake my education in another branch, +Mr. Stewart," she answered, pouting, "in spite of having found out that +I'm not at all clever." + +She smiled at him mutinously, sweeping towards the orange with head +thrown back over her left shoulder. Momentarily the poise of her head +recalled the attitude of the portrait of Lady Hammerton, beckoning her +unseen companions to that far-off mysterious mountain country, where the +torrents shine so whitely through the mist and the red line of sunset +speaks of coming night. + +Stewart colored, slightly confused. This brutal statement did not seem +to him to represent the just and candid account he had given Miss Walker +of Miss Flaxman's abilities. + +"Some one's been misreporting me, I see," he returned. "But anyhow, on +the ice, Miss Flaxman, it's you who are the Professor; I who am the +pupil. So I offer you a fair revenge." + +Accordingly, Mildred soon found herself placed at a due distance from +the orange, with Stewart equally distant from it on the other side. +After a few minutes of extreme uneasiness, she discovered that although +she had to halt at each fresh call, she had a kind of mechanical +familiarity with the simple figures which he gave her. + +Stewart, though learned, was human; and to sweep now at the opposite +pole to his companion, now with a swing of clasping hands at the centre +of their delightful dance, his eyes always perforce on his charming +partner, and her eyes on him, undeniably raised the pleasure of skating +to a higher power than if he had circled the orange in company with mere +man. + +So they fleeted the too-short time in the sparkling blue and white +world, drinking the air like celestial wine. + +The Festival of the Frost had fallen in the Christmas Vacation, and +Oxford society in vacation is essentially different from that of +Term-time, when it is overflowed by men who are but birds of passage, +coming no one inquires whence, and flitting few know whither. The party +that picnicked, played hockey, danced and figured on their skates +through the weeks of the frost, was in those days almost like a family +party. So it happened that Ian Stewart met the new Miss Flaxman in an +atmosphere of friendly ease that years of term-time society would not +have afforded him. How new she was he did not guess, but supposed the +change to be in his own eyes. Other people, however, saw it. Her very +skating was different. It had gained in grace and vigor, but she was +seldom seen wooing the serious and lonely orange around which Milly had +acquired the skill that Mildred now enjoyed. On the contrary, she +initiated an epidemic of frivolity on the ice in the shape of waltzing +and hand-in-hand figures in general. + +Ian Stewart, too, neglected the orange and went in for hand-in-hand +figures that season. Other things, too, he neglected; work, which he had +never before allowed to suffer measurably from causes within his +control; and far from blushing for his idleness, he rejoiced in it, as +the surest sign of all that for him the Festival of Spring had come in +the time of nature's frost. + +It was not only the crisp air, the frequent sun, the joyous flights over +the ringing ice that made his blood run faster through his veins and +laughter come more easily to his lips; that aroused him in the morning +with a strange sense of delight, as though some spirit had awakened him +with a glad reveille at the window of his soul. He, too, was in Arcady. +That in itself should be sufficient joy; he knew he must restrain his +impatience for more. Not till the summer, when the lady of his heart had +ceased to be also his pupil, must he make avowal of his love. + +Mildred on her part found Stewart the most attractive of the men with +whom she was acquainted. As yet in this new existence of hers, she had +not moved outside the Oxford circle--a circle exceptional in England, +because in it intellectual eminence, not always recognized, when +recognized receives as much honor as is accorded to a great fortune or +a great name in ordinary society. Stewart's abilities were of a kind to +be recognized by the Academic world. He was already known in the +Universities of the Continent and America. Oxford was proud of him; and +although Mildred had no desire to marry as yet, it gratified her taste +and her vanity to win him for a lover. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + + +Mildred had had no desire to spend her vacations with Lady Thomson, and +on the ground of her reading for the Schools, had been allowed to spend +them in Oxford. Tims, who had no relations, remained with her. She had +for Mildred a sentiment almost like that of a parent, besides an +admiration for which she was slightly ashamed, feeling it to be +something of a slur on the memory of Milly, her first and kindest +friend. + +Mildred had recovered her memory for most things, but the facts of her +former life were still a blank to her. She had begun to work for her +First in order to evade Aunt Beatrice; but the fever of it grew upon +her, either from the ambient air of the University or from a native +passion to excel in all she did. Her teachers were bewildered by the +mental change in Miss Flaxman. The qualities of intellectual swiftness, +vigor, pliancy, whose absence they had once noted in her, became, on the +contrary, conspicuously hers. Once initiated into the tricks of the +"Great Essay" style, she could use it with a dexterity strangely in +contrast with the flat and fumbling manner in which poor Milly had been +wont to express her ideas. But in the region of actual knowledge, she +now and again perpetrated some immense and childish blunder, which made +the teachers, who nursed and trained her like a jockey or a race-horse, +tremble for the results of the Greats Examination. + +All too swiftly the date of the Schools loomed on the horizon; drew +near; was come. The June weather was glorious on the river, but in the +town, above all in the Examination Schools, it was very hot. The sun +glared pitilessly in through the great windows of the big T-shaped room, +till the temperature was that of a greenhouse. The young men in their +black coats and white ties looked enviously at the girl candidate, the +only one, in her white waist and light skirt. They envied her, too, her +apparent indifference to a crisis that paled the masculine cheek. In +fact, Mildred was nervous, but her nerves were strung up to so high a +pitch that she was sensitive neither to temperature nor to fatigue, nor +to want of sleep. And at the service of her quick intelligence and ready +pen lay all the stored knowledge of Milly the First. + +On the last day, when the last paper was over, Tims came and found her +in the big hall, planting the pins in her hat with an almost feverish +energy. Although it was five o'clock, she said she wanted air, not tea. +The last men had trooped listlessly down the steps of the Schools and +the two girls stood there while Mildred drew on her gloves. The sun +wearing to the northwest, shone down that curve of the High Street which +all Europe cannot match. The slanting gold illumined the gray face of +the University and the wide pavement, where the black-gowned victims of +the Schools threaded their sombre way through groups of joyous youths in +flannels and ladies in summer attire. On the opposite side cool shadows +were beginning to invade the sunshine, to slant across the old houses, +straight-roofed or gabled, the paladian pile of Queen's, the mediæval +front of All Souls, with its single and perfect green tree, leading up +to the consummation of the great spire of St. Mary's. + +Already, from the tall bulk of the nave, a shadow fell broad across the +pavement. But still the heat of the day reverberated from the stones +about them. They turned down to the Botanical Gardens and paced that +gray enclosure, full of the pride of branches and the glory of flowers +and overhung by the soaring vision of Magdalen Tower. Mildred was +walking fast and talking volubly about the Examination and everything +else. + +"Look here, old girl," said Tims at last, when they reached for the +second time the seat under the willow trellis, "I'm going to sit down +here, unless you'll come to tea at Boffin's." + +"I don't want to sit down," returned Mildred, seating herself; "or to +have tea or anything. I want to be just going, going, going. I feel as +though if I stop for a minute something horrid will happen." + +Tims wrinkled her whole face anxiously. + +"Don't do that, Tims," cried Mildred, sharply. "You look hideous." + +Tims colored, rose and walked away. She suddenly thought, with tears in +her eyes, of the old Milly who would never have spoken to her like +that. By the time she had reached the little basin in the middle of the +garden, where the irises grew, Mildred had caught her up. + +"Tims, dear old Tims! What a wretch I am! I couldn't help letting off +steam on something--you don't know what I feel like." + +Tims allowed herself to be pacified, but in her heart there remained a +yearning for her earlier and gentler friend--that Milly Flaxman who was +certainly not dead, yet as certainly gone out of existence. + +It was towards the end of the last week of Term, and the gayeties of +Commemoration had already begun. Mildred threw herself into them with +feverish enjoyment. She seemed to grudge even the hours that must be +lost in the unconsciousness of sleep. The Iretons, cousins from India, +who had never known the former Milly, took a house in Oxford for a week. +She went with them to three College balls and a Masonic, and spent the +days in a carnival of luncheon and boating-parties. She attracted plenty +of admiration, and enjoyed herself wildly, yet also purposefully; +because she was trying to get rid of that haunting feeling that if she +stopped a minute "something horrid would happen." + +Stewart meantime was finding love not so entirely beautiful and +delightful a thing as he had at first imagined it. In his dreamy way he +had overlooked the fact of Commemoration, and planned when Term was over +to find Mildred constantly at the Fletchers' and to be able to arrange +quiet days on the river. But if he found her there, she was always in +company, and though she made herself as charming to him as usual, she +showed no disposition to forsake all others and cleave only to him. He +was not a dancing man, and suffered cruelly on the evenings when he knew +her to be at balls, and fancied all her partners in love with her. + +But on the Thursday after Commemoration, the Fletchers gave a strawberry +tea at Wytham, as a farewell festivity to their cousins. And Ian Stewart +was there. With Mrs. Fletcher's connivance, he took Mildred home alone +in a canoe, by the deep and devious stream which runs under Wytham +woods. She went on talking with a vivacious gayety which was almost +foolish. He saw that it was unreal and that her nerves were at high +tension. His own were also. He did not intend to propose to her that +day; but he could no longer restrain himself, and he began to speak to +her of his love. + +"Hush!" she cried, with a vehement gesture. "Not to-day! oh, not to-day! +I can't bear it!" She put her head on her knee and moaned again, "Not +to-day, I'm too tired, I really am. I can't bear it." + +This was all the answer he could get, and her manner left him in +complete uncertainty as to whether she meant to accept or to refuse him. + +Tims had been at the strawberry tea too, and came into Mildred's room in +the evening, curious to know what had happened. She found Mildred +without a light, sitting, or rather lying in a wicker chair. When the +candle was lighted she saw that Mildred was very pale and shivering. + +"You're overtired, my girl," she said. "That's what's the matter with +you." + +"Oh, Tims," moaned Mildred. "I feel so ill and so frightened. I know +something horrid's going to happen--I know it is." + +"Don't be a donkey," returned Tims. "I'll help you undress and then you +turn in. You'll be as jolly as a sandboy to-morrow." + +But Mildred was crying tremulously. "Oh, Tims, how dreadful it would be +to die!" + +"Idiot!" cried Tims, and shook Mildred with all her might. Mildred's +tiny sobs turned into a shriek of laughter. + +"My goodness!" ejaculated Tims; "you're in hysterics!" + +"I know I am," gasped Mildred. "I was laughing to think of what Aunt +Beatrice would say." And she giggled amid her tears. + +Tims insisted on her rising from the chair, undressing, and getting into +bed. Then she sat by her in the half-dark, waiting for the miserable +tears to leave off. + +"Don't cry, old girl, don't cry. Go to sleep and forget all about it," +she kept repeating, almost mechanically. + +At length leaning over the bed she saw that Mildred was asleep, lying +straight on her bed with her feet crossed and her hands laid on her +bosom. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + + +About noon on Friday Milly Flaxman awoke. She lay very quiet, sleepy and +comfortable, her eyes fixed idly on a curve in the jessamine-pattern +paper opposite her bed. The windows were wide open, the blinds down and +every now and again flapping softly, as a capricious little breeze went +by, whispering through the leafy trees outside. There seemed nothing +unusual in that; she always slept with her windows open. But as her +senses emerged from those mists which lie on the surface of the river of +sleep, she was conscious of a balmy warmth in the room, of an impression +of bright sunshine behind the dark blinds, and of noises from the +streets reaching her with a kind of sharpness associated with sunshine. +She sat up, looked at her watch, and was shocked to find how late she +had slept. She must have missed a lecture. Then the recollection of the +dinner-party at the Fletchers', the verdict of Mr. Stewart on her chance +of a First, and her own hysterical outburst returned to her, +overpowering all outward impressions. She felt calm and well now, but +unhappy and ashamed of herself. She put her feet out of bed and looked +round mechanically for her dressing-gown and slippers. Their absence was +unimportant, for no sense of chill struck through her thin night-gown +to her warm body, and going to the window, she drew up the blind. + +The high June sun struck full upon her, hot and dazzling, but not so +dazzling that she could not see the row of garden trees through whose +bare branches she had yesterday descried the squalid roofs of the town. +They were spreading now in a thick screen of fresh green leaves. She +leaned out, as though further investigation might explain the +phenomenon, and saw a red standard rose in full flower under her window. +The thing was exactly like a dream, and she tried to wake up but could +not. She was panic-stricken and trembling. Had she been very, very ill? +Was it possible to be unconscious for six months? She looked at herself +in a dressing-glass near the window, which she had never placed there, +and saw that she was pale and had dark marks under her eyes, but not +more so than had been the case in that yesterday so strangely and +mysteriously removed in time. Her slender white arms and throat were as +rounded as usual. And if she had been ill, why was she left alone like +this? She found a dressing-gown not her own, and went on a voyage of +discovery. But the other rooms on her floor were dismantled and +tenantless. The girls were gone and the servants were "cleaning" in a +distant part of the College. She felt incapable of getting into bed +again and waiting for some one to come, so she began dressing herself +with trembling hands. Every detail increased the sense of strangeness. +There were a number of strange clothes, ball-dresses and others, +hanging in her cupboard, strange odds and ends thrust confusedly into +her bureau. She found at length a blue cotton frock of her own, which +seemed just home from the wash. She had twisted up her hair and was +putting on the blue frock, when she heard a step on the stairs, and +paused with beating heart. Who was coming? How would the mystery be +resolved? The door opened and Tims came in--the old Tims, wrinkled face, +wig, and old straw hat on one side as usual. + +"Tims!" cried Milly, flying towards her and speaking with pale lips. +"Please, please tell me--what has happened? Have I been very ill?" And +she stared in Tims's face with a tragic mask of terror and anxiety. + +"Now take it easy--take it easy, M., my girl!" cried Tims, giving her a +great squeeze and a clap on the shoulder. "I'm jolly glad to see you +back. But don't let's have any more of your hysterics. No, never no +more!" + +"Have I been away?" asked Milly, her lips still trembling. + +"I should think you had!" exclaimed Tims. "But nobody knows it except +me. Don't forget that. Here's a note for you from old B. Read it first +or we shall both forget all about it. She had to go away early this +morning." + +Milly opened the note and read: + + "DEAR MILLY,--I am sorry not to say good-bye, but glad you + are sleeping off your fatigue. I want to tell you, between + ourselves, not to go on worrying about the results of the + Schools, as I think you are doing, in spite of your + pretences to the contrary. I hear you have done at least one + brilliant paper, and although I, of course, know nothing + certain, I believe you and the College will have reason to + rejoice when the list comes out. + + "Yours affectionately, + + "MARY BURT." + +"What does it mean?--oh, what can it mean?" faltered Milly, holding out +the missive to Tims. + +"It means you've been in for Greats, my girl, and done first-rate. But +the strain's been a bit too much for you, and you've had another +collapse of memory. You had one in the end of November. You've been +uncommonly well ever since, and worked like a Trojan, but you've not +been quite your usual self, and I'm glad you've come right again, old +girl. Let me tell you the whole business." + +Tims did so. She wanted social tact, but she had the tact of the heart +which made her hide from Milly how very different, how much more +brilliant and attractive Milly the Second had been than her normal self. +She only made her friend feel that the curious episode had entailed no +disgrace, but that somehow in her abnormal condition she had done well +in the Schools, and probably touched the top of her ambition. + +"But I don't feel as though it had been quite straightforward to hide it +up so," said Milly. "I shall write and tell Miss Burt and Aunt Beatrice, +and tell the Fletchers when I go to them." + +"You'll do nothing of the kind, you stupid," snapped Tims. "You'll be +simply giving me away if you do. What is the good? It won't happen +again unless you're idiot enough to overwork yourself again. Very likely +not then; for, as an open-minded, scientific woman, I believe it to have +been a case of hypnotism, and in France and the United States they'd +have thought it a very interesting one. But in England people are so +prejudiced they'd say you'd simply been out of your mind; although that +wouldn't prevent them from blaming me for hypnotizing you." + +While Tims spoke thus, there was a knocking without, and a maid +delivered a note for Miss Flaxman. Milly held it in her hands and +studied it musingly before opening the envelope. Her pale, troubled face +colored and grew more serious. Tims had not mentioned Ian Stewart, but +Milly had not forgotten him or his handwriting. Tims knew it too. She +restrained her excitement while Milly turned her back and stood by the +window reading the note. She must have read them several times over, the +two sides of the sheet inscribed with Stewart's small, scholarly +handwriting, before she turned her transfigured face towards the +anxiously expectant Tims. + +"Tims, dear," she said at length, smiling tremulously, and laying +tremulous hands on Tims's two thin shoulders--"dear old Tims, why didn't +you tell me?" + +"Tell you what?" asked Tims, grinning delightedly. Milly threw her arms +round her friend's neck and hid her happy tears and blushes between +Tims's ear and shoulder. + +"Mr. Stewart--it seems too good to be true--he loves me, he really does. +He wants me to be his wife." + +Most girls would have hugged and kissed Milly, and Tims did hug her, but +instead of kissing her, she banged and slapped her back and shoulders +hard all over, shaking the while with deep internal chuckles. It hurt, +but Milly did not mind, for it was sympathy. Presently she drew herself +away, and wiping her damp eyes, said, smiling shyly: + +"He's never guessed how much I care about him. I'm so glad. He says he +doesn't wonder at my hesitation and talks about others more worthy to +love me. But you know there isn't any one except Mr. Toovey. Poor Mr. +Toovey! I do hope I haven't behaved very badly to him." + +"Never mind Toovey," chuckled Tims. "Anyhow, Milly, I've got a good load +off my mind. I didn't half like having put that other girl into your +boots. However, you've come back, and everything's going to be all +right." + +"All right!" breathed Milly. "Why, Tims, darling, I never thought any +one in the world could be half so happy as I am." + +And Tims left Milly to write the answer for which Ian Stewart was so +anxiously waiting. + + * * * * * + +The engagement proceeded after the manner of engagements. No one was +surprised at it and every one was pleased. The little whirlpool of talk +that it created prevented Milly's ignorance of the events of the past +six or seven months from coming to the surface. She lay awake at night, +devising means of telling Ian about this strange blank in her life. But +she shrank from saying things that might make him suspect her of an +unsound mind. She had plainly been sane enough in her abnormal state, +and there was no doubt of her sanity now. She told him she had had since +the autumn, and still had, strange collapses of memory; and he said that +quite explained some peculiarities of her work. She tried to talk to him +about French experiments in hypnotism, and how it was said sometimes to +bring to light unsuspected sides of a personality. But he laughed at +hypnotism as a mixture of fraud and hysteria. So with many searchings of +heart, she dropped the subject. + +She was staying at the Fletchers' and saw Ian every day. He was all that +she could wish as a lover, and it never occurred to her to ask whether +he felt all that he himself could have wished as such. He was very fond +of Milly and quite content with her, but not perfectly content with +himself. He supposed he must at bottom be one of those ordinary and +rather contemptible men who care more for the excitement of the chase +than for the object of it. But he felt sure he was really a very lucky +fellow, and determined not to give way to the self-analysis which is +always said to be the worst enemy of happiness. + +Miss Flaxman had been the only woman in for Greats, and as a favor she +was taken first in _viva voce_. The questions were directed to probing +her actual knowledge in places where she had made one or two amazing +blunders. But she emerged triumphant, and went in good spirits to +Clewes, Aunt Beatrice's country home in the North, whither Ian Stewart +shortly followed her. Beyond the fact that she wore perforce and with +shame, not having money to buy others, frocks which Lady Thomson +disapproved, she was once more the adoring niece to whom her aunt was +accustomed. And Lady Thomson liked Ian. She never expected men to share +her fads. + +In due time came the announcement of the First, bringing almost as many +congratulatory letters as the engagement. And on August 2d Milly sailed +for Australia, where she was to spend two or three months with her +family. + +In October the newspapers announced that the marriage of Miss Mildred +Beatrice Flaxman, eldest daughter of the Dean of Stirling, South +Australia, with Mr. Ian Stewart, Fellow of Durham College, Oxford, would +take place at Oxford in the second week in December. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + + +"Madame dort toujours!" The dark-eyed, cherry cheeked, white-capped +chamber-maid of the Hôtel du Chalet made the statement to the manager, +who occupied a glass case in the hall. "She must have been very tired +yesterday, pauvre petite!" + +The manager answered phlegmatically in French with a German accent: + +"So much the better if she sleeps. She does not eat. When the gentleman +went out he wanted sanveeches to put in his pocket. One does not want +sanveeches when one sleeps." + +"All the same, I wish she would wake up. It's so odd to see her sleeping +like that," returned the cherry-cheeked one; and passed about her +duties. + +The _déjeuner_ was over, and those guests who had not already gone out +for the day, were tramping about the bare, wooden passages and +staircase, putting on knitted gloves and shouting for their companions +and toboggans. But it was not till all had gone out and their voices had +died away on the clear, cold air, that the sleeper in No. 19 awoke. For +a while she lay with open eyes as still as though she were yet sleeping. +But suddenly she started up in bed and looked around her with frowning, +startled attention. She was in a rather large, bare bedroom with +varnished green wood-work and furniture and a green pottery stove. There +was an odd, thick paper on the wall, of no particular color, and a +painted geometrical pattern in the centre of the ceiling. It was a neat +room, on the whole, but on the bed beside her own a man's waistcoat had +been thrown, and in the middle of the floor a pair of long, shabby +slippers lay a yard apart from each other and upside down. There were +other little signs of masculine occupation. A startled movement brought +her sitting up on the bedside. + +"Married!" she whispered to herself. "How perfectly awful!" + +A fiery wave of anger that was almost hate swept through her veins, +anger against the unknown husband and against that other one who had the +power thus to dispose of her destiny, while she lay helpless in some +unfathomed deep between life and death. Swifter than light her thoughts +flew back to the last hours of consciousness which had preceded that +strange and terrible engulfment of her being. She remembered that Mr. +Stewart had tried to propose to her on the river and that she had not +allowed him to do so. Probably he had taken this as a refusal. She knew +nothing of any love of Milly's for him; only was sure that he had not +been in love with her, Mildred, when she first knew him; therefore had +not cared for her other personality. Who else was possible? With an +audible cry she sprang to her feet. + +"Toovey! Archibald Toovey!" + +The idea was monstrous, it was also grotesque; and even while she +plunged despairing fingers in her hair, she laughed so loud that she +might have been heard in the corridor. + +"Mrs. Archibald Toovey! Good Heavens! But that girl was perfectly +capable of it." + +Then she became more than serious and buried her face in her hands, +thinking. + +"If it is Mr. Toovey," she thought, "I must go away at once, wherever I +am. I can't have been married long. I am sure to have some money +somewhere. I'll go to Tims. Oh, that brute! That idiot!"--she was +thinking of Milly--"How I should like to strangle her!" + +She clinched her hands till the nails hurt her palms. Two photographs, +propped up on the top of a chest of drawers, caught her eye. She +snatched them. One was a wedding group, but there was no bridegroom; +only six bridesmaids. It was as bad as such things always are, and it +was evident that the dresses were ill-fitting, the hats absurd. Tims was +prominent among the bridesmaids, looking particularly ugly. The other +photograph might have seemed pretty to a less prejudiced eye. It was +that of a slight, innocent-looking girl in a white satin gown, "ungirt +from throat to hem," and holding a sheaf of lilies in her hand. Her hair +was loose upon her shoulders, crowned with a fragile garland and covered +with a veil of fine lace. + +"What a Judy!" commented Mildred, throwing the photograph fiercely away +from her. "Fancy my being married in a dressing-gown and having Tims +for a bridesmaid! Sickening!" + +But her anxiety with regard to the bridegroom dominated even this just +indignation. Somehow, after seeing the photographs, she was convinced he +must be Archibald Toovey. She determined to fly at once. The question +was, where was she? Not in England, she fancied. The stove had been +thrice-heated by the benevolent cherry-cheeked one, and the atmosphere +of the room was stifling. This, together with the cold outside, had +combined to throw a gray veil across the window-panes. She hastily put +on a blue Pyrenean wool dressing-gown, flung open a casement and leaned +out into the wide sunshine, the iced-champagne air. The window was only +on the first floor, and she saw just beneath a narrow, snowy strip of +ground, on either side and below it snow-sprinkled pinewoods falling, +falling steeply, as it were, into space. But far below the blue air +deepened into a sapphire that must be a lake, and beyond that gray +cliffs, remote yet fairly clear in the sunshine, rose streaked with the +blue shadows of their own buttresses. Above the cliffs, white and sharp +and fantastic in their outline, snowy mountain summits showed clear +against the deep blue sky. Between them, imperceptibly moving on its +secular way, hung the glacier, a track of vivid ultramarine and green, +looking like a giant pathway to the stars. Mildred guessed she was in +Switzerland. She knew that it should be easy to get back to England, yet +for her with her peculiar inexperience of life, it would not be easy. At +any rate, she would dash herself down some gray-precipice into that +lake below rather than remain here as the bride of Archibald Toovey. +Just as she was registering a desperate vow to that effect a man came +climbing up the woodland way to the left, a long-legged man in a +knickerbocker suit and gaiters. He stepped briskly out of the pinewood +on to the snowy platform below, and seeing her at the window, looked up, +smiling, and waved his cap, with a cry of "Hullo, Milly!" And it was not +Archibald Toovey. + +Mildred, relieved from the worst of fears, leaned from the window +towards him. A slanting ray caught the floating cloud of her amber hair, +her face glowed rosily, her eyes beamed on the new-comer, and she broke +into such an enchanting ripple of laughter as he had never heard from +those soft lips since it had been his privilege to kiss them. Then +something happened within him. Upon his lonely walk he had been overcome +by a depression against which he had every day been struggling. He had +been disappointed in his marriage, now some weeks old--disappointed, +that is, with himself, because of his own incapacity for rapturous +happiness. Yet a year ago on the ice at Oxford, six months ago in the +falling summer twilight on the river, under Wytham Woods, he had thought +himself as capable as any man of feeling the joys and pains of love. In +the sequel it had seemed that he was not; and just as he had lost all +hope of finding once again that buried treasure of his heart, it had +returned to him in one delightful moment, when he stood as it were on +the top of the world in the crisp, joyous Alpine air, and his eyes met +the eyes of his young wife, who leaned towards him into the sunshine and +laughed. He could not possibly have told how long the golden vision +endured; only that suddenly, precipitately, it withdrew. A "spirit in +his feet" sent him bounding up the bare, shallow hotel stairs, two steps +at a time, dropping on every step a cake of snow from his boots, to melt +and make pools on the polished wood. The manager, who respected none of +his guests except those who bullied him, called out a reprimand, but +received no apology. + +Stewart strode with echoing tread down the corridor towards No. 19, +eager to hold that slender, girlish wife of his in his arms and to press +kisses on the lips that had laughed at him so sweetly from above. The +walls of the hotel were thin, and as he approached the door he heard a +quick, soft scurry across the room on the other side, and in his swift +thought saw Milly flying to meet him, just relieved from one absurd +anxiety about his safety and indulging another on the subject of his wet +feet. A smile of tender amusement visited his lips as he took hold of +the door-handle. Exactly as he touched it, the key on the other side +turned. The lock had been stiff, but it had shot out in the nick of +time, and he found himself brought up short in his impulsive career and +hurtling against a solid barrier. He knocked, but no one answered. He +could have fancied he heard panting breaths on the other side of the +ill-fitting door. + +"Mayn't I come in, darling?" he asked, gently, but with a shade of +reproach in his voice. + +"No, you can't," returned Milly's voice; hers, but with an accent of +coldness and decision in it which struck strangely on his ear. He +paused, bewildered. Then he remembered how often he had read that women +were capricious, unaccountable creatures. Milly had made him forget +that. Her attitude towards him had been one of unvarying gentleness and +devotion. Vaguely he felt that there was a kind of feminine charm in +this sudden burst of coldness, almost indifference. + +"Is anything the matter, dear?" he asked. "Aren't you well?" + +"Quite well, thank you," came the curt voice through the door. Then +after a minute's hesitation: "What do you want?" + +Ian smiled to himself as he answered: + +"My feet are wet. I want to change." + +He was a delicate man, and if he had a foible which Milly could be said +to execrate, it was that of "sitting in wet feet." He expected the door +to fly open; but it did nothing of the kind. There was not a trace of +anxiety in the grudging voice which replied, after a pause: + +"I suppose you want dry shoes and stockings. I'll give them to you if +you'll wait." + +He stood bewildered, a little pained, not noticing the noisy opening and +shutting of several ill-fitting drawers in the room. Yet Milly always +put away his things for him and should have known where to find them. +The door opened a chink and the shoes and stockings came flying through +on to the passage floor. He had a natural impulse to use his masculine +strength, to push the door open before she could lock it again, but +fortunately he restrained it. He went down-stairs slowly, shoes and +stockings in hand; threw them down behind the big green stove in the +smoking-room and lighted a meditative pipe. It was evidently a fact that +women were difficult to understand; even Milly was. He had been +uniformly kind and tender to her, and so far she had seemed more than +content with him as a husband. But beneath this apparent happiness of +hers had some instinct, incomprehensible to him, been whispering to her +that he did not love her as many men, perhaps most, loved their young +wives? That he had felt for her no ardor, no worship? If so, then the +crisis had come at the right moment; at the moment when, by one of those +tricks of nature which make us half acquiesce in the belief that our +personality is an illusion, that we are but cosmic automata, the power +of love had been granted to him again. Yet for all that--very +fortunately, seeing that the crisis was more acute than he was aware--he +did not fancy that his way lay plain before him. He began to perceive +that the cementing of a close union between a man and woman, two beings +with so abundant a capacity for misunderstanding each other, is a +complex and delicate affair. That to marry is to be a kind of Odysseus +advancing into the palace of a Circe, nobler and more humane than the +enchantress of old, yet capable also of working strange and terrible +transformations. That many go in there carrying in their hands blossoms +which they believe to be moly; but the true moly is not easy to +distinguish. And he hoped that he and Milly, in their different ways, +had found and were both wearing the milk-white flower. Yet he knew that +this was a matter which must be left to the arbitrament of time. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + + +On their return to Oxford the young couple were fêted beyond the common. +People who had known Milly Flaxman in earlier days were surprised to +think how little they had noticed her beauty or guessed what a fund of +humor, what an extraordinary charm, had lurked beneath the surface of +her former quiet, grave manner. The Master of Durham alone refused to be +surprised. He merely affirmed in his short squeak that he had always +admired Mrs. Stewart very much. She was now frequently to be found in +the place of honor at those dinners of his, where distinguished visitors +from London brought the stir and color of the great world into the +austere groves, the rarefied atmosphere of Academe. + +Wherever she appeared, the vivid personality of Mrs. Stewart made a kind +of effervescence which that indescribable entity, a vivid personality, +is sure to keep fizzing about it. She was devoutly admired, fiercely +criticised, and asked everywhere. It is true she had quite given up her +music, but she drew caricatures which were irresistibly funny, and was a +tremendous success in charades. Everything was still very new to her, +everything interesting and amusing. She was enchanted with her house, +although Milly and Lady Thomson had chosen it, preferring to a villa in +the Parks an old gray house of the kind that are every day recklessly +destroyed by the march of modern vulgarity. She approved of the few and +good pieces of old furniture with which they had provided it; although +Lady Thomson could not entirely approve of the frivolity and +extravagance of the chintzes with which she helped the sunshine to +brighten the low, panelled rooms. But Aunt Beatrice, girt with +principles major and minor, armed with so Procrustean a measure for most +of her acquaintance, accepted Mildred's deviations with an astonishing +ease. The secret of personal magnetism is not yet discovered. It may be +that the _aura_ surrounding each of us is no mystic vision of the +Neo-Buddhists, but a physical fact; that Mildred's personality acted by +a power not moral but physical on the nerves of those who approached +her, exciting those of some, of the majority, pleasurably, filling +others with a nameless uneasiness, to account for which they must accuse +her manners or her character. + +To Ian Stewart the old panelled house with the walled garden behind, +where snowdrops and crocuses pushed up under budding orchard boughs, was +a paradise beyond any he had imagined. He found Mildred the most +adorable of wives, the most interesting of companions. Her defects as a +housekeeper, which Aunt Beatrice noted in silence but with surprise, +were nothing to him. He could not help pausing sometimes even in the +midst of his work, to wonder at his own good fortune and to reflect +that whatever the future might have in store, he would have no right to +complain, since it had been given to him to know the taste of perfect +happiness. + +Since his marriage he had been obliged to take more routine work, and +the Long Vacation had become more valuable to him than ever. As soon as +he had finished an Examination he had undertaken, he meant to devote the +time to the preparation of a new book which he had in his mind. Mildred, +seemingly as eager as himself that the book should be done, had at first +agreed. Then some of her numerous friends had described the pleasures of +Dieppe, and she was seized with the idea that they too might go there. +Ian, she said, could work as well at Dieppe as at Oxford or in the +country. Ian knew better; besides, his funds were low and Dieppe would +cost too much. For the first time he opposed Mildred's wishes, and to +her surprise she found him perfectly firm. There was no quarrel, but +although she was silent he felt that she did not yield her opinion and +was displeased with him. + +Late at night as he sat over Examination papers, his sensitive +imagination framed the accusations of selfishness, pedantry, +scrupulosity, which his wife might be bringing against him in the +"sessions of silent thought;" although it was clearly to her advantage +as much as to his own that he should keep out of money difficulties and +do work which counted. She had no fixed habits, and he flung down pipe +and pen, hoping to find her still awake. But she was already sound +asleep. The room was dark, but he saw her by the illumination of +distant lightning, playing on the edge of a dark and sultry world. His +appointed task was not yet done and he returned to the study, a long, +low, dark-panelled room, looking on the garden. The windows were wide +open on the hushed, warm, almost sulphurous darkness, from which frail +white-winged moths came floating in towards the shaded lamp on his +writing-table. He sat down to his papers and by an effort of will +concentrated his mind upon them. Habit had made such concentration easy +to him as a rule, but to-night, after half an hour of steady work, he +was mastered by an invading restlessness of mind and body. The cause was +not far to seek; he could hear all the time he worked the dull, almost +continuous, roar of distant thunder. All else was very still, it was +long past midnight and the town was asleep. + +He got up and paced the room once or twice, grasping his extinguished +pipe absently in his hand. Suddenly a blast seemed to spring out of +nowhere and rush madly round the enclosed garden, tossing the gnarled +and leafy branches of the old orchard trees and dragging at the long +trails of creepers on wall and trellis. It blew in at the windows, hot +as from the heart of the thunder-cloud, and waved the curtains before +it. It rushed into the very midst of the old house with its cavernous +chimneys, deep cellars, and enormous unexplored walls, filling it with +strange, whispering sounds, as of half articulate voices, here menacing, +there struggling to reveal some sinister and vital secret. The blast +died away, but it seemed to have left those voices still muttering and +sighing through the walls that had sheltered so many generations, such +various lives of men. Ian was used to the creaking and groaning of the +wood-work; he knew how on the staircase the rising of the boards, which +had been pressed down in the day, simulated ghostly footsteps in the +night. He was in his mental self the most rational of mortals, but at +times the Highland strain in his blood, call it sensitive or +superstitious, spoke faintly to his nerves--never before so strongly, so +over-masteringly as to-night. A blue blaze of crooked lightning +zigzagged down the outer darkness and seemed to strike the earth but a +little beyond the garden wall. Following on its heels a tremendous clap +of thunder burst, as it were, on the very chimneys. The solid house +shook to its foundations. But the tide of horrible, irrational fear +which swept over Ian's whole being was not caused by this mere +exaggerated commonplace of nature. He could give no guess what it was +that caused it; he only knew that it was agony. He knew what it meant to +feel the hair lift on his head; he knew what the Psalmist meant when he +said, "My bones are turned to water." And as he stood unable to move, +afraid to turn his head, abject and ashamed of his abjectness, he was +listening, listening for he knew not what. + +At length it came. He heard the stairs creak and a soft padding footstep +coming slowly down them; with it the brush of a light garment and +intermittently a faint human sound between a sigh and a sob. He did not +reflect that he could not really have heard such slight sounds through a +thick stone wall and a closed door. He heard them. The steps stopped at +the door; a hand seemed feeling to open it, and again there was a +painful sigh. The physical terror had not passed from him, but the +sudden though that it was his wife and that she was frightened or ill, +made him able to master it. He seized the lamp, because he knew the +light in the hall was extinguished, rushed to the door, opened it and +looked out. There was no one there. He made a hasty but sufficient +search and returned to the study. + +The extremity of his fear was now passed, but an unpleasantly eery +feeling still lingered about him and he had a very definite desire to +find himself in some warm, human neighborhood. He had left the door open +and was arranging the papers on his writing-table, when once again he +heard those soft padding feet on the stairs; but this time they were +much heavier, more hurried, and stumbled a little. He stood bent over +the table, a bundle of papers in his hand, no longer overcome by mortal +terror, yet somehow reluctant once more to look out and to see once +more--nothing. There was a sound outside the door, louder, hoarser than +the faint sob or sigh which he had heard before, and he seized the lamp +and turned towards it. Before he had made a step forward, the door was +pushed violently back and his wife came in, leaning upon it as though +she needed support. She was barefooted and dressed only in a long +night-gown, white, yet hardly whiter than her face. Her eyes did not +turn towards him, they stared in front of her, not with the fixed gaze +of an ordinary sleep-walker, but with purpose and intensity. She seemed +to see something, to pursue something, with starting eyes and +out-stretched arms; something she hated even more than she feared it, +for her lips were blanched and tightened over her teeth as though with +fury, and her smooth white forehead gathered in a frown. Again she +uttered that low, fierce sound, like that he had heard outside the door. +Then, loosing the handle on which she had leaned, she half sprung, half +staggered, with uplifted hand, towards an open window, beyond which the +rush of the thunder shower was just visible, sloping pallidly across the +darkness. She leaned out into it and uttered to the night a hoarse, +confused voice, words inchoate, incomprehensible, yet with a terrible +accent of rage, of malediction. This transformation of his wife, so +refined, so self-contained, into a creature possessed by an almost +animal fury, struck Ian with horror, although he accepted it as a +phenomenon of somnambulism. He approached but did not touch her, for he +had heard that it was dangerous to awaken a somnambulist. Her voice sank +rapidly to a loud whisper and he heard her articulate--"My husband! +Mine! Mine!"--but in no tone of tenderness, rather pronouncing the words +as a passionate claim to his possession. Then suddenly she drooped, half +kneeling on the deep window-seat, half fallen across the sill. He sprang +to catch her, but not before her forehead had come down sharply on the +stone edge of the outer window. He kneeled upon the window-seat and +gathered her gently in his arms, where she lay quiet, but moaning and +shuddering. + +"My husband!" she wailed, no longer furious now but despairing. "Ian! My +love! Ian! My life!--my life! My own husband!" + +Even in this moment it thrilled him to hear such words from her lips. He +had not thought she loved him so passionately. He lifted her on to a +deep old sofa at the end of the room, wrapped her in a warm Oriental +coverlet which hung there, and held her to his heart, murmuring love and +comfort in her cold little ear. It seemed gradually to soothe her, +although he did not think she really awoke. Then he put her down, +lighted the lamp outside, and, not without difficulty, carried her up to +bed. Her eyes were half closed when he laid her down and drew the +bedclothes over her; and a minute or two later, when he looked in from +his dressing-room, she was evidently asleep. + +When he got into bed she did not stir, and while he lay awake for +another hour, she remained motionless and breathing regularly. He +assured himself that the whole curious occurrence could be explained by +the electrical state of the atmosphere, which had affected his own +nerves in a way he would never humiliate himself by confessing to any +one. Those mysterious footsteps on the stairs which he had heard, +footsteps like his wife's yet not hers; that hand upon the door, that +voice of sighs, were the creation of his own excited brain. In time he +would doubtless come to believe his own assurances on the point, but +that night at the bottom of his heart he did not believe them. + + + + +CHAPTER X + + +Next morning, if Ian himself slept late, Milly slept later still. The +strained and troubled look which he had seen upon her face even in sleep +the night before, had passed away in the morning, but she lay almost +alarmingly still and white. He was reassured by remembering that once +when they were in Switzerland she had slept about sixteen hours and +awakened in perfect health. He remained in the house watching over her, +and about four o'clock she woke up. But she was very pale and very +quiet; exhausted, he thought, by her strange mental and physical +exertions of the night before. + +She came down to tea with her pretty hair unbecomingly twisted up, and +dressed in a brownish-yellow tea-gown, which he fancied he remembered +hearing her denounce as only fit to be turned into a table-cloth. He did +not precisely criticise these details, but they helped in the impression +of lifelessness and gloom that hung about her. It was a faint, gleamy +afternoon, and such sun as there was did not shine into the study. The +dark panelling looked darker than usual, and as she sat silent and +listless in a corner of the old sofa, her hair and face stood out +against it almost startling in their blondness and whiteness. She was +strangely unlike herself, but Stewart comforted himself by remembering +that she had been odd in her manner and behavior, though in a different +way, after her long sleep in Switzerland. After he had given her tea, he +suggested that they should walk in the garden, as the rain was over. + +"Not yet, Ian," she said. "I want to try and tell you something. I can +do it better here." + +Her mouth quivered. He sat down by her on the sofa. + +"Must you tell me now?" he asked, smiling. "Do you really think it +matters?" + +"Yes--it does matter," she answered, tremulously, pressing her folded +hands against her breast. "It's something I ought to have told you +before you married me--but indeed, indeed I didn't know how dreadful it +was--I didn't think it would happen again." + +He was puzzled a moment, then spoke, still smiling: + +"I suppose you mean the sleep-walking. Well, darling, it is a bit +creepy, I admit, but I shall get used to it, if you won't do it too +often." + +"Did I really walk?" she asked--and a look of horror was growing on her +face. "Ah! I wasn't sure. No--it's not that--it is--oh, don't think me +mad, Ian!" + +"Tell me, dearest. I promise I won't." + +"I've not been here at all since you've been living in this house. I've +not seen you, my own precious husband, since I went to sleep in +Switzerland, at the Hôtel du Chalet--don't you remember--when we had +been that long walk up to the glacier and I was so tired?" + +Stewart was exceedingly startled. He paused, and then said, very gently +but very firmly: + +"That's nonsense, dearest. You have been here, you've been with me all +the time." + +"Ah! You think so, but it was not _I_--no, don't interrupt me--I mean to +tell you, I must, but I can't if you interrupt me. It was awfully wrong +of me not to tell you before; but I tried to, and then I saw you +wouldn't believe me. Do you remember a dinner-party at the Fletchers', +the autumn before we were engaged--when Cousin David had just bought +that picture?" + +"That portrait of Lady Hammerton, which is so like you? Yes, I remember +it perfectly." + +"You know I wanted my First so much and I had been working too hard, and +then I was told that evening that you had said I couldn't get it--" + +"Silly me!" + +"And I felt certain you didn't love me--" + +"Silly you!" + +"Don't interrupt me, please. And I wasn't well, and I cried and cried +and I couldn't leave off, and then I allowed Tims to hypnotize me. We +both knew she had no business to do it, it was wrong of us, of course, +but we couldn't possibly guess what would happen. I went to sleep, and +so far as I knew I never woke again for more than six months, not till +the Schools were over." + +"But, my darling, I skated with you constantly in the Christmas +Vacation, and took your work through the Term. I assure you that you +were quite awake then." + +"I remember nothing about it. All I know is that some one got my First +for me." + +"But, Mildred--" + +"Why do you call me Mildred? That's what they called me when I woke up +last time; but my own name's Milly." + +Stewart rose and paced the room, then came back. + +"It's simply a case of collapse of memory, dear. It's very trying, but +don't let's be fanciful about it." + +"I thought it was only that--I told you, didn't I, something of that +sort? But I didn't know then, nobody told me, that I wasn't like myself +at all those months I couldn't remember. Last night in my sleep I +knew--I knew that some one else, something else--I can't describe it, +it's impossible--was struggling hard with me in my own brain, my own +body, trying to hold me down, to push me back again into the place, +whatever it was, I came out of. But I got stronger and stronger till I +was quite myself and the thing couldn't really stop me. I dare say it +only lasted a few seconds, then I felt quite free--free from the +struggle, the pressure; and I saw myself standing in the room, with some +kind of white floating stuff over my head and about me, and I saw myself +open the door and go out of the room. I wasn't a bit surprised, but I +just lay there quiet and peaceful. Then suddenly it came to me that I +couldn't have seen myself, that the person, the figure I had seen go +out of the door was the other one, the creature I had been struggling +with, who had stolen my shape; and it came to me that she was gone to +steal you--to steal your heart from me and take you away; and you +wouldn't know, you would think it was I, and you would follow her and +love her and never know it was not your own wife you were loving. And I +was mad with anger; I never knew before what it meant, Ian, to be as +angry as that. I struggled hard to get up, and at last I managed it, and +I came down-stairs after her, but I couldn't find her, and I was sure +that she had gone and had taken you away with her. And you say I really +did come down-stairs." + +"Yes, darling, and if you had been awake instead of asleep, as you +obviously were, you would have seen that this nightmare of yours was +nothing but a nightmare. You would have seen that I was alone here, +quietly arranging my papers before going to bed. You gave me a fright +coming down as you did, for there was a tremendous thunderstorm going +on, and I am ashamed to say how queer my own nerves were. The electrical +state of the atmosphere and a very loud clap of thunder just overhead, +account for the whole business, which probably lasted only a few seconds +from beginning to end. Be reasonable, little woman, you are generally +the most reasonable person I know--except when you talk about going to +Dieppe." + +Milly gave him a strange look. + +"Why am I not reasonable when I talk about going to Dieppe?" + +He drew her to him and kissed her hair. + +"Never mind why. We aren't going to excite ourselves to-day or do +anything but make love and forget nightmares and everything +disagreeable." + +She drew herself away a little and looked with frightened eyes in his. + +"But I can't forget, Ian, that I don't remember anything that has +happened since we were on our honeymoon in Switzerland. And now we are +in Oxford, and I can see it's quite late in the summer. How can I forget +that somehow I am being robbed of myself--robbed of my life with you?" + +"Wait till to-morrow and you'll remember everything right enough." + +But Milly was not to be convinced. She was willing to submit on the +question of last night's experiences, but she assured him that Tims +would bear her out in the assertion that she had never recovered her +recollection of the months preceding her engagement. Ian ceased trying +to convince her that she was mistaken on this point; but he argued that +the memory was of all functions of the brain the most uncertain, that +there was no limit to its vagaries, which were mere matters of nerves +and circulation, and that Dr. Norton-Smith, the nerve and brain +specialist to whom he would take her, would probably turn out to have a +dozen patients subject to the same affliction as herself. One never +hears of half the ills that flesh is heir to until the inheritance falls +to one's own lot. + +Milly was a common-sense young woman, and his explanation, especially as +it was his, pacified her for the time. The clouds had been rolling away +while they talked, the space of deep blue sky overhead growing larger, +the sunshine fuller. There was a busy twittering and shaking of little +wings in the tall pear-tree near the house, where the tomtits in their +varied liveries loved to congregate. July was not far advanced and the +sun had still some hours in which to shine. Ian and Milly went out and +walked in the Parks. The tennis-club lawns were almost deserted, but +they met a few acquaintances taking their constitutional, like +themselves, and an exchange of ordinary remarks with people who took her +normality for granted, helped Milly to believe in it herself. So long as +the blank in her memory continued, she could not be free from care; but +she went to sleep that night in Ian's arms, feeling herself protected by +them not only from bodily harm, but from all those dreadful fears and +evil fantasies that "do assault and hurt the soul." + + + + +CHAPTER XI + + +Ian had been so busy persuading Milly to view her own case as a simple +one, and so busy comforting her with an almost feminine intuition of +what would really afford her comfort, that it was only in the watches of +the night that certain disquieting recollections forced their way into +his mind. It was of course now part of his creed that he had loved Milly +Flaxman from the first--only he had never known her well till that +Christmas Vacation when they had skated so much together. Later on, such +disturbing events as engagement and marriage had seemed to him enough to +explain any changes he had observed in her. Later still, he had been too +much in love to think about her at all, in the true sense of the word. +She had been to him "all a wonder and a wild desire." + +Now, taking the dates of her collapses of memory, he made, despite +himself, certain notes on those changes. It is to be feared he did not +often want to see Miss Timson; but on the day after Milly's return to +the world, he cycled out to visit her friend. Tims was spending the +summer on the wild and beautiful ridge which has since become a suburb +of Oxford. It was doubtful whether he would find her in, as she was +herself a mighty cyclist, making most of her journeys on the wheel, +happy in the belief that she was saving money at the expense of the +railway companies. + +The time of flowers, the freshness of trees, and the glory of gorse and +broom was over. It was the season of full summer when the midlands, +clothed with their rich but sheenless mantle of green, wear a +self-satisfied air, as of dull people conscious of deserved prosperity. +But just as the sea or a mountain or an adventurous soul will always +lend an element of the surprising and romantic to the commonest corner +of earth, so the sky will perpetually transfigure large spaces of level +country, valley or plain, laid open to its capricious influences. Boars +Hill looks over the wide valley of the narrow Og to the downs, and up to +where that merges into the valley of the Upper Thames. By the sandy +track which Ian followed, the tree still stood, though no longer alone, +whence the poet of _Thyrsis_ looking northward, saw the "fair city with +her dreaming spires"; less fair indeed to-day than when he looked upon +it, but still "lovely all times," in all its fleeting shades, whether +blond and sharp-cut in the sunshine or dimly gray among its veiling +trees. The blue waving line of the downs, crowned here and there by +clumps of trees, ran far along the southwestern horizon, melting +vaporously in the distance above "the Vale, the three lone weirs, the +youthful Thames." Over the downs and over the wide valley of ripening +cornfields, of indigo hedgerow-elms and greener willow and woodland, of +red-roofed homesteads and towered churches, moved slowly the broad +shadows of rolling clouds that journeyed through the intense blue above. +Some shadows were like veils of pale gray gauze, through which the world +showed a delicately softened face; others were dark, with a rich, +indefinable hue of their own, and as they moved, the earth seemed to +burst into a deeper glow of color behind them. Close by, the broken +hill-side was set here and there with oak and thorn, was everywhere deep +in bracken, on whose large fronds lay the bluish bloom of their +maturity. It all gained a definiteness of form, an air of meaning by its +detachment from the wide background floating behind. + +Following steep and circuitous lanes, Ian arrived at the lodging-house +and found Tims on the porch preparing to start on her bicycle. But +flattered and surprised by his visit, she ordered tea in the bright +little sitting-room she was inhabiting. He was shy of approaching the +real object of his visit. They marked time awhile till the thunderstorm +became their theme. Then he told something of Milly's sleep-walking, her +collapse of memory; and watched Tims meantime, hoping to see in her face +merely surprise and concern. But there was no surprise, hardly concern +in the queer little face. There was excitement, and at last a flash of +positive pleasure. + +"Good old M.!" she observed. "I'm glad she has got back; though I'm a +bit proud of the other one too. I expect you feel much the same, old +boy, don't you?" + +The speech was the reverse of soothing, even to its detail of "old boy." +He looked at his teacup and drew his black brows together. + +"I'm afraid I don't understand, Miss Timson. I suppose you think it a +joke, but to me it seems rather a serious matter." + +"Of course it is; uncommon serious," returned Tims, too much interested +in her subject to consider the husband's feelings. "Bless you! _I_ don't +want to be responsible for it. At first I thought it was a simple case +of a personality evolved by hypnotism; but if so it would have depended +on the hypnotist, and you see it didn't after the first." + +"I don't think we need bother about hypnotism"--there was a note of +impatience in Ian's voice--"it's just a case of collapse of memory. But +as you were with her the first time it happened, I want to know exactly +how far the collapse went. There were signs of it every now and then in +her work, but on the whole it improved." + +"You never can tell what will happen in these cases," said Tims. "She +remembered her book-learning pretty well, but she forgot her own name, +and as to people and things that had happened, she was like a new-born +babe. If I hadn't nursed her through she'd have been sent to a lunatic +asylum. But it wasn't that, after all, that made it so exciting. It was +the difference between Milly's two personalities. You don't mean to say, +old chap, you've lived with her for seven months and can't see the +difference?" + +Tims looked at him. She held strong theoretical views as to the +stupidity of the male, but circumstances had seldom before allowed her +to put them to the test. Behold them more than justified; for Ian was +far above the average in intelligence. He, for a fraction of a minute, +paused, deliberately closing the shutter of his mind against an +unpleasant search-light that shot back on the experiences of his +courtship and marriage. + +"Well, I suppose I'm not imaginative," he returned, with a dry laugh. "I +only see certain facts about her memory and want more of them, to tell +Norton-Smith when I take her up to see him." + +"Norton-Smith!" exclaimed Tims. "What is the good? Englishmen are all +right when it's a question of filling up the map of Africa, but they're +no good on the dark continent of ourselves. They're cowards. That's +what's the matter with them. Don't go to Norton-Smith." + +Stewart made an effectual effort to overcome his irritation. He ought to +have known better than to turn to an oddity like Tims for advice and +sympathy. + +"Whom ought I to go to, then?" he asked, good-humoredly, and looking +particularly long as he rose from the depths of the low wicker chair. "A +medicine-man with horns and a rattle?" + +"Well," returned Tims with deliberation, pulling on a pair of thread +gloves, "I dare say he could teach Norton-Smith a thing or two. Mind +you, I'm not talking spiritualistic rot; I'm talking scientific facts, +which every one knows except the English scientific men, who keep on +clapping their glass to the blind eye like a lot of clock-work Nelsons. +The effects of hypnotism are as much facts as the effects of a bottle of +whiskey. But Milly's case is different. In my opinion she's developed an +independent double personality. It's an inconvenient state of things, +but I don't suppose it'll last forever. One or the other will get +stronger and 'hold the fort.' But it's rather a bad business anyhow." +Tims paused and sighed, drawing on the other glove. "I'm--I'm fond of +them both myself, and I expect you'll feel the same, when you see the +difference." + +Ian laughed awkwardly, his brown eyes fixed scrutinizingly upon her. + +"So long as the fort holds somebody, I sha'n't worry," he said, lightly. + +They went out, and as he led his own bicycle towards the upper track, +Tims spun down the steep drive, and, turning into the lane, kissed her +hand to him in farewell from under the brim of her perennially crooked +hat. + +"That Timson girl's more than queer," he mused to himself, going on. +"There's a streak of real insanity in her. I'm afraid it's not been good +for a highly strung creature like Mildred to see so much of her; and why +on earth did she?" + +He tried to clear his mind of Tims's fantastic suggestions; of +everything, indeed, except the freshness of the air rushing past him, +the beauty of the wide view, steeped in the romance of distance. But +memory, that strange, recalcitrant, mechanical slave of ours, kept +diving, without connivance of his, into the recesses of the past twenty +months of his life, and presenting to him unsolicited, circumstances, +experiences, which he had thrust away unclassified--his own surprise, +almost perplexity, when Mildred had brought him work for the first time +after her illness that autumn Term before last; his disappointment and +even boredom in his engagement and the first three weeks of his +marriage; then the change in his own feelings after her long sleep at +the Hôtel du Chalet; besides a score of disquieting trifles which meant +nothing till they were strung on a thread. He felt himself beginning to +be infected with Flora Timson's mania against his will, against his +sober judgment; and he spun down Bagley Hill at a runaway speed, only +saved by a miracle from collision with a cart which emerged from +Hincksey Lane at the jolting pace with which the rustic pursues his +undeviating course. + + + + +CHAPTER XII + + +Milly, too, had not been without a sharp reminder that the leaves in her +life so blank to her, had been fully inscribed by another. She hardly +yet felt mistress of the house, but it was pleasant to rest and read in +the low, white-panelled drawing-room, which lowered awnings kept cool, +although the afternoon sun struck a golden shaft across the flowering +window-boxes of its large and deeply recessed bow-window. The whole room +was lighter and more feminine than Milly would have made it, but at +bottom the taste that reigned there was more severe than her own. The +only pictures on the panels were a few eighteenth century colored +prints, already charming, soon to be valuable, and one or two framed +pieces of needlework which harmonized with them. + +Presently the door-bell rang and a Mr. Fitzroy was announced by the +parlor-maid, in a tone which implied that she was accustomed to his +name. He looked about the age of an undergraduate and was +extraordinarily well-groomed, in spite of, or perhaps because of, being +in a riding-dress. His sleek dark hair was neatly parted in the middle +and he was clean shaven, when to be so smacked of the stage; but his +manners and expression smacked of nothing of the kind. + +"I'm awfully glad to find you at home, Mrs. Stewart," he said. "I've +been lunching at the Morrisons', and, you know, I'm afraid there's going +to be a row." + +The Morrisons? They lived outside Oxford, and Milly knew them by sight, +that was all. + +"What about?" she asked, kindly, thinking the young man had come for +help, or at least sympathy, in some embarrassment of his own. + +"Why, about your acting Galatea. Jim Morrison's been a regular fool +about it. He'd no business to take it for granted that that was the part +I wanted Mrs. Shaw for. Now it appears she's telling every one that +she's been asked to play the lead at the Besselsfield theatricals; and, +by Jove, he says she is to, too!" + +Milly went rather pale and then quite pink. + +"Then of course I couldn't think of taking the part," she said, gasping +with relief at this providential escape. + +Mr. Fitzroy in his turn flushed. He had an obstinate chin and the cares +of stage-management had already traced a line right across his smooth +forehead. It deepened to a furrow as he leaned forward out of his low +wicker chair, clutching the pair of dogskin gloves which he held in his +hand. + +"Oh, come, I say now, Mrs. Stewart!" and his voice and eye were +surprisingly stern for one so young. "That's not playing fair. You +promised me you'd see me through this show, and you know as well as I +do, Mrs. Shaw can no more act than those fire-irons." + +"But I--" Milly was about to say "I've never acted in my life"--when she +remembered that she knew less than any one in her acquaintance what she +had or had not done in that recent life which was not hers. "I shouldn't +act Galatea at all well," she substituted lamely; "and I shouldn't look +the part nearly as well as Mrs. Shaw will." + +"Excuse me, Mrs. Stewart, but I'm certain you're simply cut out for it +all round, and you told me the other day you were particularly anxious +to play it. You promised you'd stick to me through thick and thin and +not care a twopenny--I mean a straw--what Jim Morrison and Mrs. Shaw--" + +In the stress of conversation they had neither of them noticed the +tinkle of the front-door bell. Now the door of the room, narrow and in +the thickness of an enormous wall, was thrown open and Mrs. Shaw was +announced. + +Fitzroy, forgetful of manners in his excitement, stooped forward and +gripping Milly's arm almost hissed: + +"Remember! You've promised me." + +The words filled Milly with misery. That any one should be able to +accuse her of breaking a promise, however unreal her responsibility for +it, was horrible to her. + +Mrs. Shaw entered, no longer the seraph of twenty months ago. She had +latterly put off the æsthetic raiment she had worn with such peculiar +grace, and her dress and coiffure were quite in the fashion of the +hour. The transformation somewhat shocked Milly, who could never help +feeling a slight austere prejudice against fashionably dressed woman. +Then, considering how little she knew Mrs. Shaw, it was embarrassing to +be kissed by her. + +"It's odd I should find you here, Mr. Fitzroy," said Mrs. Shaw, settling +her rustling skirts on a chintzy chair. "I've just come to talk to Mrs. +Stewart about the acting. I'm so sorry there's been a misunderstanding +about it." + +Her tone was civil but determined, and there was a fighting look in her +eye. + +"So am I, Mrs. Shaw, most uncommonly sorry," returned Fitzroy, patting +his sleek hair and feeling that his will was adamant, however pretty +Mrs. Shaw might be. + +"Of course, I shouldn't have thought of taking the part away from Mrs. +Stewart," she resumed, glancing at Milly, not without meaning, "but Mr. +Morrison asked me to take it quite a fortnight ago. I've learned most of +it and rehearsed two scenes already with him. He says they go capitally, +and we both think it seems rather a pity to waste all that labor and +change the part now." + +Fitzroy cast a look at Mrs. Stewart which was meant to call up +reinforcements from that quarter; but as she sat there quite silent, he +cleared his throat and begun: + +"It's an awful bore, of course, but I fancy it's about three weeks or a +month since I first asked Mrs. Stewart to play the lead--isn't it, Mrs. +Stewart?" + +Milly muttered assent, horribly suspecting a lie. A flash of indignant +scorn from Mrs. Shaw confirmed the suspicion. + +"Mrs. Stewart said something quite different when I spoke to her about +it at tennis on Friday. Didn't you, Mildred?" she asked. + +Milly crimsoned. + +"Did I?" she stammered. "I'm afraid I've got a dreadfully bad +memory--for--for dates of that kind." + +Mrs. Shaw smiled coldly. Mr. Fitzroy felt himself deceived in Mrs. +Stewart as an ally. He had counted on her promised support, on her wit +and spirit to carry him through, and her conduct was simply cowardly. + +"The fact is, Mrs. Shaw," he said, "Jim Morrison's not bossing this show +at all. That's where the mistake has come in. My aunt, Lady Wolvercote, +is a bit of an autocrat, don't you know, and she doesn't like us fellows +to arrange things on our own account. If she knew you I'm sure she'd see +what a splendid Galatea you'd make, but as it is she's set her heart on +getting Mrs. Stewart from the very first." + +Had he stopped here his position would have been good, but an indignant +instinct, urging him to push the reluctant Mrs. Stewart into the proper +place of woman--that natural shield of man against all the social +disagreeables he brings on himself--made Fitzroy rush into the fatal +detail. + +"My aunt told you so at the Masonic; didn't she, Mrs. Stewart?" + +Milly, under the young man's imperious eye, assented feebly, but Mrs. +Shaw laughed. She perfectly remembered Mildred having mentioned on that +very occasion that she did not know Lady Wolvercote by sight. + +"I'm afraid I've come just a few minutes too soon," she said, dryly. +"You and Mr. Fitzroy don't seem to have talked things over quite +enough." + +The saying was dark and yet too clear. Milly, the meticulously truthful, +saw herself convicted of some horrible falsehood. She blushed violently, +gasped, and rolled her handkerchief into a tight ball. Mr. Fitzroy +ignoring the insinuation, changed his line. + +"The part we really wanted you to take, Mrs. Shaw, was that of a nymph +in an Elizabethan masque which Lumley has written, with music by Stephen +Bampton. It's to be played in the rose garden and there's a chorus of +nymphs who sing and dance. We want them to look perfectly lovely, don't +you know, and as there can't be any make-up to speak of, it's awfully +difficult to find the right people." + +Mrs. Shaw disdained the lure and mentally condemned his anxiously civil +manner as "soapy." + +"I shall ask Mr. Morrison to go to Lady Wolvercote at once," she said, +"and see whether she really wishes me to give up the part. Time's +getting on, and he says he won't be able to have many more rehearsals." + +There was a sound as of a carriage stopping in the street below, the +jingling of bits, and a high female voice giving an order. Fitzroy, +inwardly exasperated by Mrs. Shaw's resistance and the abject conduct of +his ally, sprang to his feet. + +"I believe that's my aunt!" he exclaimed. "She wants me to call at +Blenheim on the way home, and I suppose the Morrisons told her where I +was." + +He managed to slip his head out between the edge of an awning and the +mignonette and geraniums of a window-box. + +"It's my aunt, right enough. May I fetch her up, Mrs. Stewart?" He was +down the stairs in a moment and voluble in low-voiced colloquy with the +lady in the barouche. + +Lady Wolvercote was organizing the great fancy fair for the benefit of +the County Cottage Hospitals, and had left the dramatic part of the +programme to her nephew to arrange. She was a tall, slight woman, of the +usual age for aunts, and pleasant to every one; but she took it for +granted that every one would do as she wished--naturally, since they +always did in her neighborhood. As she stumbled up the stairs after +Charlie Fitzroy--it was a dark staircase and narrow in proportion to its +massive oak balusters--she felt faintly annoyed with him for dragging +her into the quarrels of his middle-class friends, but confident that +she could manage them without the least trouble. + +Milly was relieved at the return of Mr. Fitzroy with his aunt. She had +had an unhappy five minutes with Mrs. Shaw, who had been saying cryptic +but unpleasant things and calling her "Mildred"; whereas she did not so +much as know Mrs. Shaw's Christian name. + +Seeing Mrs. Shaw, beautiful, animated, well-dressed, and Milly neatly +clothed, since her clothes were not of her own choosing, but with her +hair unbecomingly knotted, the brightness of her eyes, complexion, and +expression in eclipse, Lady Wolvercote wondered at her nephew's choice. +But that was his affair. She began to talk in a rather high-pitched +voice and continuously, like one whose business it is to talk; so that +it was difficult to interrupt without rudeness. + +"So you're going to be kind enough to act Galatea for us at our fancy +fair, Mrs. Stewart? We want it to be a great success, and Lord +Wolvercote and I have heard so much about your acting. My nephew said +the part of Galatea would suit you exactly; didn't you, Charlie?" + +"Down to the ground," interpolated, or rather accompanied, Fitzroy. "We +shall have the placards out on Wednesday, and people are looking forward +already to seeing Mrs. Stewart. There'll be a splendid audience." + +"Every one has promised to fill their houses for the fair," Lady +Wolvercote was continuing, "and the Duke thinks he may be able to get +down ----," she mentioned a royalty. "You're going to help us too, +aren't you, Mrs. Shaw? It's so very kind of you. We've got such a pretty +part for you in a musical affair which Lenny Lumley wrote with somebody +or other for the Duchess of Ulster's Elizabethan bazaar. There's a +chorus of fairies--nymphs, Charlie? Yes, nymphs, and we want them all +to be very pretty and able to sing, and there's a charming dance for +them. I'm afraid that silly boy, Jim Morrison, made some mistake about +it, and told you we wanted you to act Galatea. But of course we couldn't +possibly do without you in the other thing, and Mrs. Stewart seems quite +pointed out for that Galatea part. Jim's such a dear, isn't he? And such +a splendid actor, every one says he really ought to go on the stage. But +we none of us pay the least attention to anything the dear boy says, for +he always does manage to get things wrong." + +Mrs. Shaw had been making little movements preparatory to going. She had +no gift for the stage except beauty, but that produces an illusion of +success, and she took her acting with the seriousness of a Duse. + +"I'm sorry I didn't know Mr. Morrison's habits better," she replied. +"I've been studying the part of Galatea a good deal and rehearsing it +with him as well. Of course, I don't for a moment wish to prevent Mrs. +Stewart from taking it, but I've spent a good deal of time upon it and +I'm afraid I can't undertake anything else. Of course, it's very +inconvenient stopping in Oxford in August, and I shouldn't care to do it +except for the sake of a part which I felt gave me a real opportunity--" + +"But it's a very pretty part we've got for you," resumed Lady +Wolvercote, perplexed. "And we were hoping to see you over at +Besselsfield a good deal for rehearsals--" + +It seemed to her a "part of nature's holy plan" that the prospect of +Besselsfield should prove irresistibly attractive to the wives of +professional men. + +"Thanks, so much, but I'm sure you and Mr. Fitzroy must know plenty of +girls who would do for that sort of part," returned Mrs. Shaw. + +Milly here broke in eagerly: + +"Please, Lady Wolvercote, do persuade Mrs. Shaw to take Galatea; I'm +sure I sha'n't be able to do it a bit; and I would try and take the +nymph. I should love the music, and I know I could do the singing, +anyhow." + +She rose because Mrs. Shaw had risen and was looking for her parasol and +shaking out her plumes. But why did Mr. Fitzroy and Mrs. Shaw both stare +at her in an unvarnished surprise, touched with ridicule on the lady's +side? + +"No, no, Mrs. Stewart, that won't do!" cried he, in obvious dismay. At +the same moment Mrs. Shaw ejaculated, ironically: + +"That's very brave of you Mildred! I thought you hated music and were +never going to try to sing again." + +She and Fitzroy had both been present on an occasion when Mildred, urged +on by Milly's musical reputation, had committed herself to an experiment +in song which had not been successful. + +"Thank you very much," Mrs. Shaw went on, "for offering to change, but +of course Lady Wolvercote must arrange things as she likes; and, to +speak frankly, I'm not particularly sorry to give the acting up, as my +husband was rather upset at my not being able to go to Switzerland with +him on the 28th. No, please don't trouble; I can let myself out. +Good-bye, Lady Wolvercote; I hope the fair and the theatricals will be a +great success. Good-bye, Mr. Fitzroy, good-bye." + +Lady Wolvercote's faint remonstrances were drowned in the adieus, and +Mrs. Shaw sailed out with flying colors, while Milly sank back abjectly +into the seat from which she had risen. Every minute she was realizing +with a more awful clearness that she, whose one appearance on the stage +had been short and disastrous, was cast to play the leading part in a +public play before a large and brilliant audience. She hardly heard +Fitzroy's bitter remarks on Mrs. Shaw--not forgetting Jim Morrison--or +Lady Wolvercote exclaiming in a voice almost dreamy with amazement: + +"Really it's too extraordinary!" + +"I'm very sorry Mrs. Shaw won't take the part," said Milly, clasping and +unclasping her slender fingers, "for I know I can't do it myself." + +Fitzroy was protesting, but she forced herself to continue: "You don't +know what I'm like when I'm nervous. When we had _tableaux vivants_ at +Ascham I was supposed to be Charlotte putting a wreath on Werther's urn, +and I trembled so much that I knocked the urn down. It was only +card-board, so it didn't break, but every one laughed and the tableau +was spoiled." + +Fitzroy and his aunt cried out that that was nothing, a first +appearance; any one could see she had got over that now. Pale, with +terrified eyes, she looked from one to the other of her tormentors, who +continued to sing the praises of her past prowess on the boards and to +foretell the unprecedented harvest of laurels she would reap at +Besselsfield. The higher their enthusiasm rose, the more profound became +her dejection. There seemed no loop-hole for escape, unless the earth +would open and swallow her, which however much to be desired was hardly +to be expected. + +The ting of a bicycle-bell below did not seem to promise assistance, for +cyclists affected the quiet street. But it happened that this bicycle +bore Ian to the door. He did not notice the coronet on the carriage +which stood before it, and assumed it to belong to one of the three or +four ladies in Oxford who kept such equipages. Yet in the blank state of +Milly's memory, he was sorry she had not denied herself to visitors, +which Mildred had already learned to do with a freedom only possible to +women who are assured social success. Commonly the sight of a carriage +would have sent him tiptoeing past the drawing-room, but now, vaguely +uneasy, he came straight in. He looked particularly tall in the frame of +the doorway, so low that his black hair almost touched the lintel; +particularly handsome in the shaded, white-panelled room, into which the +dark glow of his sunburned skin and brown eyes, bright with exercise, +seemed to bring the light and warmth of the summer earth and sky. + +Milly sprang to meet him. Lady Wolvercote was surprised to learn that +this was Mrs. Stewart's husband. She had no idea a Don could be so +young and good-looking. Judging of Dons solely by the slight and +slighting references of her undergraduate relatives, she had imagined +them to be weird-looking men, within various measurable distances of the +grave. + +"Lady Wolvercote and Mr. Fitzroy want me to act Galatea at the +Besselsfield theatricals," said Milly, clinging to his sleeve and +looking up at him with appealing eyes. "Please tell them I can't +possibly do it. I'm--I'm not well enough--am I?" + +"We're within three weeks of the performance, sir," put in Fitzroy. +"Mrs. Stewart promised she'd do it, and we shall be in a regular fix now +if she gives it up. Mrs. Shaw's chucked us already." + +"Yes, and every one says how splendidly Mrs. Stewart acts," pleaded Lady +Wolvercote. + +Stewart had half forgotten the matter; but now he remembered that +Mildred had been keen to have the part only a week ago, and a little +pettish because he had advised her to leave it alone, on account of Mrs. +Shaw. Now she was hanging on him with desperate eyes and that worried +brow which he had not seen once since he had married her. + +"I'm extremely sorry, Lady Wolvercote," he said, "but my wife's had a +nervous break-down lately and I can't allow her to act. She's not fit +for it." + +"Ah, I see--I quite understand!" returned Lady Wolvercote. "But we'd +take great care of her, Mr. Stewart. She could come and stay at +Besselsfield." + +Fitzroy's gloom lifted. His aunt was a trump. Surely an invitation to +Besselsfield must do the job. But Stewart, though apologetic, was +inflexible. He had forbidden his wife to act and there was an end of it. +The perception of the differences between the two personalities of Milly +which had been thrust to-day on his unwilling mind, made him grasp the +meaning of her frantic appeals for protection. He relieved her of all +responsibility for her refusal to act. + +Lady Wolvercote observed, as she and her nephew went sadly on their way, +that Mr. Stewart seemed a very, very odd man in spite of his presentable +manners and appearance; and Fitzroy replied gloomily that of course he +was a beast. Dons always were beasts. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + + +The diplomatic incident of the theatricals was not the only minor +trouble which Milly found awaiting her. The cook's nerves were upset by +a development of rigid economy on the part of her mistress, and she gave +notice; the house parlor-maid followed suit. No one seemed to have kept +Ian's desk tidy, his papers in order, or his clothes properly mended. It +was a joy to her to put everything belonging to him right. + +When all was arranged to her satisfaction: "Ian," she said, sitting on +his knee with her head on his shoulder, "I can't bear to think how +wretched you must have been all the time I was away." + +Ian was silent a minute. + +"But you haven't been away, and I don't like you to talk as though you +had." + +Wretched? It would have been absurd to think of himself as wretched now; +yet compared with the wonderful happiness that had been his for more +than half a year, what was this "house swept and garnished"? An empty +thing. Words of Tims's which he had thought irritating and absurd at the +time, haunted him now. "_You don't mean to say you haven't seen the +difference?_" He might not have seen it, but he had felt it. He felt it +now. + +There was at any rate no longer any question of Dieppe. They took +lodgings at Sheringham and he made good progress with his book. Yet not +quite so good as he had hoped. Milly was indefatigable in looking up +points and references, in preventing him from slipping into the small +inaccuracies to which he was prone; but he missed the stimulus of +Mildred's alert mind, so quick to hit a blot in logic or in taste, so +vivid in appreciation. + +Milly meantime guessed nothing of his dissatisfaction. She adored her +husband more every day, and her happiness would have been perfect had it +not been for the haunting horror of the possible "change" which might be +lurking for her round the corner of any night--that "change," which +other people might call what they liked, but which meant for her the +robbery of her life, her young happy life with Ian. He had taken her +twice to Norton-Smith before the great man went for his holiday. +Norton-Smith had pronounced it a peculiar but not unprecedented case of +collapse of memory, caused by overwork; and had spent most of the +consultation time in condemning the higher education of women. Time, +rest, and the fulfilment of woman's proper function of maternity would, +he affirmed, bring all right, since there was no sign of disease in Mrs. +Stewart, who appeared to him, on the contrary, a perfectly healthy young +woman. When Ian, alone with him, began tentatively to bring to the +doctor's notice the changes in character and intelligence that had +accompanied the losses of memory, he found his remarks set aside like +the chatter of a foolish child. + +If maternity would indeed exorcise the Invader, Milly had lost no time +in beginning the exorcism. And she did believe that somehow it would; +not because the doctor said so, but because she could not believe God +would let a child's mother be changed in that way, at any rate while she +was bearing it. To do so would be to make it more motherless than any +little living thing on earth. Milly had always been quietly but deeply +religious, and she struggled hard against the feeling of peculiar +injustice in this strange affliction that had been sent to her. She +prayed earnestly to God every night to help and protect her and her +child, and the period of six or seven months, at which the "change" had +come before, passed without a sign of it. In April a little boy was +born. They called him Antonio, after a learned Italian, a friend and +teacher of Ian's. + +The advent of the child did something to explain the comparative +seclusion into which Mrs. Stewart had retired, and the curious dulling +of that brilliant personality of hers. The Master of Durham was among +the few of Mrs. Stewart's admirers who declined to recognize the change +in her. He had been attracted by the girl Milly Flaxman, by her gentle, +shy manners and pretty face, combined with her reputation for +scholarship; the brilliant Invader had continued to attract him in +another way. The difference between the two, if faced, would have been +disagreeably mysterious. He preferred to say and think that there was +none; Mrs. Stewart was probably not very well. + +Milly's shyness made it peculiarly awkward for her to find herself in +possession of a number of friends whom she would not have chosen +herself, and of whose doings and belongings she was in complete +ignorance. However, if she gave offence she was unconscious of it, and +it came very naturally to her to shrink back into the shadow of her +household gods. Ian and the baby were almost sufficient in themselves to +fill her life. There was just room on the outskirts of it for a few +relations and old friends, and Aunt Beatrice still held her honored +place. But it was through Aunt Beatrice that she was first to learn the +feel of a certain dull heartache which was destined to grow upon her +like some fell disease, a thing of ceaseless pain. + +She was especially anxious to get Aunt Beatrice, who had been in America +all the Summer Vacation, to stay with them in the Autumn Term as Lady +Thomson had been with them in May, and Milly did not like to think of +the number of things, all wrong, which she was sure to have noticed in +the house. Besides, what with theatricals and other engagements, it was +evident that a good many people had been "in and out" in the Summer +Term--a condition of life which Lady Thomson always denounced. Milly was +anxious for her to see that that phase was past and that her favorite +niece had settled down into the quiet, well-ordered existence of which +she approved. + +Aunt Beatrice came; but oh, disappointment! If it had been possible to +say of Lady Thomson, whose moods were under almost perfect control, +that she was out of temper, Milly would have said it. She volunteered no +opinion, but when asked, she compared Milly's new cook unfavorably with +her former one. When her praise was anxiously sought, she observed that +it was undesirable to be careless in one's housekeeping, but less +disagreeable than to be fussy and house-proud. She added that +Milly--whom she called Mildred--must be on her guard against relaxing +into domestic dulness, when she could be so extremely clever and +charming if she liked. Milly was bewildered and distressed. She felt +sure that she had passed through a phase of which Aunt Beatrice ought to +have disapproved. She had evidently been frivolous and neglectful of her +duties; yet it seemed as though her aunt had been better pleased with +her when she was like that. What could have made Aunt Beatrice, of all +women, unkind and unjust? + +In this way more than a year went by. The baby grew and was +short-coated; the October Term came round once more, and still Milly +remained the same Milly. To have wished it otherwise would have seemed +like wishing for her death. + +But at times a great longing for another, quite another, came over Ian. +It was like a longing for the beloved dead. Of course it was mad--mad! +He struggled against the feeling, and generally succeeded in getting +back to the point of view that the change had been more in himself, in +his own emotional moods, than in Milly. + +October, the golden month, passed by and November came in, soft and +dim; a merry month for the hunting men beside the coverts, where the +red-brown leaves still hung on the oak-trees and brushwood, and among +the grassy lanes, the wide fresh fields and open hill-sides. No ill +month either for those who love to light the lamp early and open their +books beside a cheerful fire. But then the rain came, a persistent, +soaking rain. Milly always went to her district on Tuesdays, no matter +what the weather, and this time she caught a cold. Ian urged her to stop +in bed next morning. He himself had to be in College early, and could +not come home till the afternoon. + +It was still raining and the early falling twilight was murky and brown. +The dull yellow glare of the street-lamps was faintly reflected in the +muddy wetness of pavements and streets. He was carrying a great armful +of books and papers under his dripping mackintosh and umbrella. As he +walked homeward as fast as his inconvenient load allowed, he became +acutely conscious of a depression of spirits which had been growing upon +him all day. It was the weather, he argued, affecting his nerves or +digestion. The vision of a warm, cosey house, a devoted wife awaiting +him, ought to have cheered him, but it did not. He hoped he would not +feel irritable when Milly rushed into the hall as soon as his key was +heard in the front door, to feel him all over and take every damp thread +tragically. Poor dear Milly! What a discontented brute of a husband she +had got! The fault was no doubt with himself, and he would not really be +happy even if some miracle did set him down on a sunny Mediterranean +shore, with enough money to live upon and nothing to think of but his +book. Mildred used to say that she always went to a big dinner at Durham +in the unquenchable hope of meeting and fascinating some millionaire who +had sense enough to see how much better it would be to endow writers of +good books than readers of silly ones. + +With the recollection there rang in the ears of his mind the sound of a +laugh which he had not heard for seventeen months. Something seemed to +tighten about his heart. Yes, he could be quite happy without the +millionaire, without the sunny skies, without even the pretty, +comfortable home at whose door he stood, if somewhere, anywhere, he +could hope to hear that laugh again, to hold again in his arms the +strange bright bride who had melted from them like snow in +spring-time--but that way madness lay. He thrust the involuntary longing +from him almost with horror, and turned the latch-key in his door. + +The hall lamp was burning low and the house seemed very chilly and +quiet. He put his books down on the oak table, threw his streaming +mackintosh upon the large chest, and went up to his dressing-room, to +change whatever was still damp about him before seeking Milly, who +presumably was nursing her cold before the study fire. When he had +thrown off his shoes, he noticed that the door leading to his wife's +room was ajar and a faint red glow of firelight showed invitingly +through the chink. A fire! It was irresistible. He went in quickly and +stirred the coals to a roaring blaze. The dancing flames lit up the +long, low room with its few pieces of furniture, its high white +wainscoting, and paper patterned with birds and trellised leaves. They +lit up the low white bed and the white figure of his sleeping wife. Till +then he had thought the room was empty. She lay there so deathly still +and straight that he was smitten with a sudden fear; but leaning over +her he heard her quiet, regular breathing and saw that if somewhat pale, +she was normal in color. He touched her hand. It was withdrawn by a +mechanical movement, but not before he had felt that it was warm. + +A wild excitement thrilled him; it would have been truer to say a wild +joy, only that it held a pang of remorse for itself. So she had lain at +the Hôtel du Chalet when he had left her for that long walk over the +crisp mountain snow. And when he had returned, she--what She? No, his +brain did not reel on the verge of madness; it merely accepted under the +compulsion of knowledge a truth of those truths that are too profound to +admit of mere external proof. For our reason plays at the edge of the +universe as a little child plays at the edge of the sea, gathering from +its fringes the flotsam and jetsam of its mighty life. But miles and +miles beyond the ken of the eager eye, beyond the reach of the alert +hand, lies the whole great secret life of the sea. And if it were all +laid bare and spread at the child's feet, how could the little hand +suffice to gather its vast treasures, the inexperienced eye to perceive +and classify them? + +Alone in the firelit, silent room, with this tranced form before him, +Ian Stewart knew that the woman who would arise from that bed would be a +different woman from the one who had lain down upon it. By what +mysterious alchemy of nature transmuted he could not understand, any +more than he could understand the greater part of the workings of that +cosmic energy which he was compelled to recognize, although he might be +cheated with words into believing that he understood them. Another woman +would arise and she his Love. She had been gone so long; his heart had +hungered for her so long, in silence even to himself. She had been dead +and now she was about to be raised from the dead. He lighted the +candles, locked the doors, and paced softly up and down, stopping to +look at the figure on the bed from time to time. Far around him, close +about him, life was moving at its usual jog-trot pace. People were going +back to their College rooms or domestic hearths, grumbling about the +weather or their digestions or their colds, thinking of their work for +the evening or of their dinner engagements--and suddenly a door had shut +between him and all that outside world. He was no longer moving in the +driven herd. He was alone, above them in an upper chamber, awaiting the +miracle of resurrection. + +In the visions that passed before his mind's eye the face of Milly, +pale, with pleading eyes, was not absent; but with a strange hardness +which he had never felt before, he thrust the sighing phantom from him. +She had had her turn of happiness, a long one; it was only fair that +now they two, he and that Other, should have their chance, should put +their lips to the full cup of life. The figure on the bed stirred, +turned on one side, and slipped a hand under the pure curve of the young +cheek. He was by the bed in a moment; but it still slept, though less +profoundly, without that tranced look, as though the flame of life +itself burned low within. + +How would she first greet him? Last time she had leaned into the clear +sunshine and laughed to him from the cloud of her amber hair; and a +spirit in his blood had leaped to the music of her laugh, even while the +rational self knew not it was the lady of his love. But however she came +back it would be she, the Beloved. He felt exultantly how little, after +all, the frame mattered. Last time he had found her, his love had been +set in the sunshine and the splendor of the Alpine snows, with nothing +to jar, nothing to distract it from itself. And that was good. To-day, +it was opening, a sudden and wonderful bloom, in the midst of the murky +discomfort of an English November, the droning hum of the machinery of +his daily work. And this, too, was good. + +Yes, it was better because of the contrast between the wonder and its +environment, better because he himself was more conscious of his joy. He +sat on the bed a while watching her impatiently. In his eyes she was +already filled with a new loveliness, but he wanted her hair, her amber +hair. It was brushed back and imprisoned tightly in a little plait tied +with a white ribbon--Milly's way. With fingers clumsy, yet gentle, he +took off the ribbon and cautiously undid the plait. Then he took a comb +and spread out the silk-soft hair more as he liked to see it, pleased +with his own skill in the unaccustomed task. She stirred again, but +still she did not wake. He was pacing up and down the room when she +raised herself a little on her pillow and looked fixedly at the opposite +wall. Ian held his breath. He stood perfectly still and watched her. +Presently she sat up and looked about her, looked at him with a faint, +vague smile, like that of a baby. He sat down at the foot of the bed and +took her hand. She smiled at him again, this time with more definite +meaning. + +"Do you know who it is, sweetheart?" he said in a low voice. She nodded +slightly and went on smiling, as though quietly happy. + +"Ian," she breathed, at length. + +"Yes, darling." + +"I've been away a long, long time. How long?" + +He told her. + +She uttered a little "Ah!" and frowned; lay quiet awhile, then drew her +hand from Ian's and sat up still more. + +"I sha'n't lie here any longer," she said, in a stronger voice. "It's +just waste of time." She pushed back the clothes and swung her feet out +of bed. "Oh, how glad I am to be back again! Are you glad I'm back, Ian? +Say you are, do say you are!" + +And Ian on his knees before her, said that he was. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + + +Ian was leaning against the high mantel-piece of his study. Above it, +let into the panelling, was an eighteenth-century painting of the Bridge +and Castle of St. Angelo, browned by time. He was wondering how to tell +Mildred about the child, and whether she would resent its presence. She, +too, was meditating, chin on hand. At length she looked up with a sudden +smile. + +"What about the baby, Ian? Don't you take any notice of it yet?" + +He was surprised. + +"How do you know about him?" + +She frowned thoughtfully. + +"I seem to know things that have happened in a kind of way--rather as +though I had seen them in a dream. But they haven't happened to me, you +know." + +"Was it the same last time?" + +"No; but the first time I came, and especially just at first, I seemed +to remember all kinds of things--" She paused as though trying in vain +to revive her impressions--"Odd things, not a bit like anything in +Oxford. I can't recall them now, but sometimes in London I fancy I've +seen places before." + +"Of course you have, dear." + +"And the first time I saw that old picture there I knew it was Rome, and +I had a notion that I'd been there and seen just that view." + +"You've been seeing pictures and reading books and hearing talk all your +life, and in the peculiar state of your memory, I suppose you can't +distinguish between the impressions made on it by facts and by ideas." + +Mildred was silent; but it was not the silence of conviction. Then she +jumped up. + +"I'm going to see Baby. You needn't come if you don't want." + +He hesitated. + +"I'm afraid it's too late. Milly doesn't like--" He broke off with a +wild laugh. "What am I talking about!" + +"I suppose you were going to say, Milly doesn't like people taking a +candle into the room when Baby is shut up for the night. I don't care +what Milly likes. He's my baby now, and he's sure to look a duck when +he's asleep. Come along!" + +She put her arm through his and together they climbed the steep +staircase to the nursery. + +Mildred had returned to the world in such excellent spirits at merely +being there, that she took those awkward situations which Milly had +inevitably bequeathed to her, as capital jokes. The partial and external +acquaintance with Milly's doings and points of view which she had +brought back with her, made everything easier than before; but her +derisive dislike of her absent rival was intensified. It pained Ian if +she dropped a hint of it. Tims was the only person to whom she could +have the comfort of expressing herself; and even Tims made faces and +groaned faintly, as though she did not enjoy Mildred's wit when Milly +was the subject of it. She gave Milly's cook notice at once, but most +things she found in a satisfactory state--particularly the family +finances. More negatively satisfactory was the state of her wardrobe, +since so little had been bought. Mildred still shuddered at the +recollection of the trousseau frocks. + +Once more Mrs. Stewart, whose social career had been like that of the +proverbial rocket shot up into the zenith. But a life of mere amusement +was not the fashion in the circle in which she lived, and her active +brain and easily aroused sympathies made her quick to take up more +serious interests. + +It seemed wiser, too, to make no sudden break with Milly's habits. +Still, Emma, the nurse, opined that Baby got on all the better since +Mrs. Stewart had become "more used to him like"--wasn't always changing +his food, taking his temperature, wanting him to have bandages and +medicine, forbidding him to be talked to or sung to, and pulling his +little, curling-up limbs straight when he was going to sleep. He was a +healthy little fellow and already pretty, with his soft dark +hair--softer than anything in the world except a baby's hair--his +delicate eyebrows and bright dark eyes. Mildred loved playing with him. +Sometimes when Ian heard the tiny shrieks of baby laughter, he used to +think with a smile and yet with a pang of pity, how shocked poor Milly +would have been at this titillation of the infant brain. But he did not +want thoughts of Milly--so far as he could he shut the door of his mind +against them. She would come back, no doubt, sooner or later; and her +coming back would mean that Mildred would be robbed of her life, his own +life robbed of its joy. + +At the end of Term the Master of Durham sent a note to bid the Stewarts +to dine with him and meet Sir Henry Milwood, the rich Australian, and +Maxwell Davison, the traveller and Orientalist. Ian remarked that +Davison was a cousin, although they had not met since he was a boy. +Maxwell Davison had gone to the East originally as agent for some big +firm, and had spent there nearly twenty years. He was an accomplished +Persian and Arabic scholar, and gossip related that he had run off with +a fair Persian from a Constantinople harem and lived with her in Persia +until her death. But that was years ago. + +When the Stewarts entered the Master's bare bachelor drawing-room, they +found besides the Milwoods, only familiar faces. Maxwell Davison was +still awaited, and with interest. He came, and that interest did not +appear to be mutual, judging from the Oriental impassivity of his long, +brown face, with its narrow, inscrutable eyes. He was tall, slight, +sinewy as a Bedouin, his age uncertain, since his dry leanness and the +dash of silver at his temples might be the effect of burning desert +suns. + +Mildred was delighted at first at being sent into dinner with him, but +she found him disappointingly taciturn. In truth, he had acquired +Oriental habits and views with regard to women. If a foolish Occidental +custom demanded that they should sit at meat with the lords of creation, +he, Maxwell Davison, would not pretend to acquiesce in it. Mildred, to +whom it was unthinkable that any man should not wish to talk to her, +merely pitied his shyness and determined to break it down; but Davison's +attitude was unbending. + +After dinner the Master, his mortar-board cap on his head, opened the +drawing-room door and invited them to come across to the College Library +to see some bronzes and a few other things that Mr. Davison had +temporarily deposited there. He had divined that Maxwell Davison would +be willing to sell, and in his guileful soul the little Master may have +had schemes of persuading his wealthy friend Milwood to purchase any +bronzes that might be of value to the College or the University. Of the +ladies, only Mildred and Miss Moore, the archæologist, braved the chill +of the mediæval Library to inspect the collection. Davison professed to +no artistic or antiquarian knowledge of the bronzes. They had come to +him in the way of trade and had all been dug up in Asia Minor--no, not +all, for one he had picked up in England. Nevertheless he had succeeded +in getting a pretty clear notion of the relative value of his +bronzes--the Oriental curios with them it was his business to +understand. He could not help observing the sure instinct with which +Mrs. Stewart selected what was best among all these different objects. +She had the _flair_ of the born collector. The learned archæologists +present leaned over the collection discussing and disputing, and took no +notice of her remarks as she rapidly handled each article. But Davison +did, and when at length she took up a small figure of Augustus--the +bronze that had not come from Asia Minor--and looked at it with a +peculiar doubtful intentness, he began to feel uncomfortable. + +"Anything wrong with that?" he asked, in spite of himself. + +She laughed nervously. + +"Oh, Mr. Davison, please ask some one who knows! I don't. Only I--I seem +to have seen something like it before, that's all." + +Sanderson, roaming around the professed archæologists, took the bronze +from her hands. + +"I'll tell you where you've seen it, Mrs. Stewart. It's engraved in +Egerton's _Private Collections of Great Britain_. I picked that up the +other day--first edition, 1818. I dare say the book's here. We'll see." + +Sanderson took a candle and went glimmering away down the long, dark +room. + +"What can this be?" asked Mildred, taking up what looked like a glass +ball. + +"Please stand over here and look into it for five minutes," returned +Davison, evasively. "Perhaps you'll see what it is then." + +He somehow wanted to get rid of Mildred's appraisal of his goods. + +"Mr. Davison, your glass ball has gone quite cloudy!" she exclaimed, in +a minute or two. + +"That's all right. Go on looking and you'll see something more," he +returned. + +Presently she said: + +"It's so curious. I see the whole room reflected in the glass now, but +it's much lighter than it really is, and the windows seem larger. It all +looks so different. There is some one down there in white." + +Sanderson came up the room carrying a large quarto, open. + +"Here's your bronze, right enough," he said, putting the book down on +the table. "It's under the heading, _Hammerton Collection_." + +He pointed to a small engraving inscribed, "Bronze statuette of +Augustus. _Very rare._" + +"But some fellow's been scribbling something here," continued Sanderson, +turning the book around to read a note written along the margin. He read +out: "'A forgery. Sold by Lady Hammerton to Mr. Solomons, 1819. See case +Solomons _versus_ Hammerton, 1820.'" + +The turning of the book showed Mildred a full-page engraving entitled, +"The Gallery, Hammerton House." It represented a long room somewhat like +the one in which they stood, but still more like the room she had seen +in the crystal; and in the middle distance there was a slightly sketched +figure of a woman in a light dress. Half incredulous, half frightened, +she pored over the engraving which reproduced so strangely the image she +had seen in Maxwell Davison's mysterious ball. + +"How funny!" she almost whispered. + +"You may call it funny, of course, that Lady Hammerton succeeded in +cheating a Jew, which is what it looks like," rejoined Sanderson, bent +on hunting down his quarry; "but it was pretty discreditable to her +too." + +"Not at all," Maxwell Davison's harsh voice broke in. "That was +Solomons's look out. I sha'n't bring a lawsuit against the fellow who +sold me that Augustus, if it is a forgery. A man's a fool to deal in +things he doesn't understand." + +"What is this glass ball, Mr. Davison?" asked Miss Moore, in her turn +taking up the uncanny thing Mildred had laid down. + +"It's a divining-crystal. In the East certain people, mostly boys, look +in these crystals and see all sorts of things, present, past, and to +come." + +Miss Moore laughed. + +"Or pretend they do!" + +"Who knows? It isn't of any interest, really. The things that have +happened have happened, and the things that are to happen will happen +just as surely, whether we foresee them or not." + +Miss Moore turned to the Master. + +"Look, Master--this is a divining-crystal, and Mr. Davison's trying to +persuade me that in the East people really see visions in it." + +The Master smiled. + +"Mr. Davison has a poor opinion of ladies' intelligence, I'm afraid. He +thinks they are children, who will believe any fairy tale." + +Davison had drawn near to Mildred as the Master spoke; his eyes met hers +and the impassive face wore a faint, ironical smile. + +"The Wisdom of the West speaks!" he exclaimed, in a low voice. "I'd +almost forgotten the sound of it." + +Then scrutinizing her pale face: "I'm afraid you've had a scare. What +did you see?" + +"I saw--well, I fancy I saw the Gallery at Hammerton House and my +ancestress, Lady Hammerton. It was burned, you know, and she was burned +with it, trying to save her collections. I expect she condescended to +give me a glimpse of them because I've inherited her mania. I'd be a +collector, too, if I had the money." + +She laughed nervously. + +"You should take Ian to the East," returned Davison. "You could make +money there and learn things--the Wisdom of the East, for instance." + +Mildred, recovering her equanimity, smiled at him. + +"No, never! The Wisdom of the West engrosses us; but you'll come and +tell us about the other, won't you?" + + + + +CHAPTER XV + + +Maxwell Davison settled in Oxford for six months, in order to see his +great book on Persian Literature through the press. His advent had been +looked forward to as promising a welcome variety, bringing a splash of +vivid color into a somewhat quiet-hued, monotonous world. But there was +doomed to be some disappointment. Mr. Davison went rather freely to +College dinners but seldom into general society. It came to be +understood that he disliked meeting women; Mrs. Stewart, however, he +appeared to except from his condemnation or rule. Ian was his cousin, +which made a pretext at first for going to the Stewarts' house; but he +went because he found the couple interesting in their respective ways. +Some Dons, unable to believe that a man without a University education +could teach them anything, would lecture him out of their little +pocketful of knowledge about Oriental life and literature. Ian, on the +contrary, was an admirable producer of all that was interesting in +others; and in Davison that all was much. At first he had tried to keep +Mrs. Stewart in what he conceived to be her proper place; but as time +went on he found himself dropping in at the old house with surprising +frequency, and often when he knew Ian to be in College or too busy to +attend to him. + +He had brought horses with him and offered to give Mildred a mount +whenever she liked. Milly had learned the rudiments of the art, but she +was too timid to care for riding. Mildred, on the other hand, delighted +in the swift motion through the air, the sensation of the strong +bounding life almost incorporated with her own, and if she had moments +of terror she had more of ecstatic daring. She and Davison ended by +riding together once or twice a week. + +Interesting as Mildred found Maxwell Davison's companionship, it did not +altogether conduce to her happiness. She who had been so content to be +merely alive, began now to chafe at the narrow limits of her existence. +He opened the wide horizons of the world before her, and her soul seemed +native to them. One April afternoon they rode to Wytham together. The +woods of Wytham clothe a long ridge of hill around which the young +Thames sweeps in a strong curve and through them a grass ride runs +unbroken for a mile and a half. Now side by side, now passing and +repassing each other, they had "kept the great pace" along the track, +the horses slackening their speed somewhat as they went down the dip, +only to spring forward with fresh impetus, lifting their hind-quarters +gallantly to the rise; then given their heads for the last burst along +the straight bit to the drop of the hill, away they went in passionate +competition, foam-flecked and sending the clods flying from their +hurrying hoofs. + +A mile and a half of galloping only serves to whet the appetite of a +well-girt horse, and the foaming rivals hardly allowed themselves to be +pulled up at the edge of a steep grassy slope, where already here and +there a yellow cowslip bud was beginning to break its pale silken +sheath. At length their impatient dancing was over, and they stood +quiet, resigned to the will of the incomprehensible beings who +controlled them. But Mildred's blood was dancing still and she abandoned +herself to the pleasure of it, undistracted by speech. Beyond the +shining Thames, wide-curving through its broad green meadows, and the +gray bridge and tower of Eynsham, that great landscape, undulating, +clothed in the mystery of moving cloud-shadows, gave her an agreeable +impression of being a view into a strange country, hundreds of miles +away from Oxford and the beaten track. But Maxwell's eyes were fixed +upon her. + +The wood about them was just breaking into the various beauty of spring +foliage, emerald and gold and red; a few trees still holding up naked +gray branches among it; here and there a white cloud of cherry blossom, +shining in a clearing or floating mistily amid bursting tree-tops below +them. They turned to the right, down a narrow ride, mossy and winding, +where perforce they trod on flowers as they went; for the path and the +wood about it were carpeted with blue dog-violets and the pale soft +blossoms of primroses, opening in clusters amid their thick fresh +foliage and the brown of last year's fallen leaves. The sky above wore +the intense blue in which dark clouds are seen floating, and as the +gleams of travelling sunshine passed over the wooded hill, its colors +also glowed with a peculiar intensity. The horses, no longer excited by +a vista of turf, were walking side by side. But the beauty of earth and +sky were nothing to Maxwell, whose whole being was intent on the beauty +of the woman in the saddle beside him; the rose and the gold of cheek +and hair, the lithe grace of the body, lightly moving to the motion of +her horse. + +She turned to him with a sudden bright smile. + +"How perfectly delightful riding is! I owe all the pleasure of it to +you." + +"Do you?" he asked, smiling too, but slightly and gravely, narrowing on +her his inscrutable eyes. "Well, then, will you do what I want?" + +"I thought you were a fatalist and never wanted anything. But if you +condescend to want me to do something, your slave obeys. You see I'm +learning the proper way for a woman to talk." + +"I want you to remove the preposterous black pot with which you've +covered up your hair. I'll carry it for you." + +"Oh, Max! What would people think if they met me riding without my hat? +Fancy Miss Cayley! What she'd say! And the Warden of Canterbury! What +he'd feel!" + +She laughed delightedly. + +"They never ride this way. It's the 'primrose path,' you see, and +they're afraid of the 'everlasting bonfire.' I'm not; you're not. You're +not afraid of anything." + +"I am. I'm afraid of old maids and--most butlers." + +Maxwell laughed, but his laugh was a harsh one. + +"Humbug! If you really wanted to do anything you'd do it. I know you +better than you know yourself. If you won't take your hat off it's +because you don't really want to do what I want; and when you say pretty +things to me about your gratitude for the pleasure I'm giving you, +you're only telling the same old lies women tell all the world over." + +"There! Catch my reins!" cried Mildred, leaning over and holding them +out to him. "How do you suppose I can take my hat off if you don't?" + +He obeyed and drew up to her, stooping near, a hand on the mane of her +horse. The horses nosed together and fidgeted, while she balanced +herself in the saddle with lifted arms, busy with hat-pins. The task +accomplished, she handed the hat to him and they cantered on. Presently +she turned towards him, brightening. + +"You were quite right about the hat, Max. It's ever so much nicer +without it; one feels freer, and what I love about riding is the free +feeling. It's as though one had got out of a cage; as though one could +jump over all the barriers of life; as though there were nobody and +nothing to hinder one from galloping right out into the sky if one +chose. But I can't explain what I mean." + +"Of course you don't mean the sky," he answered. "What you really mean +is the desert. There's space, there's color, glorious, infinite, with an +air purer than earthly. Such a life, Mildred! The utter freedom of it! +None of this weary, dreary slavery you call civilization. That would be +the life for you." + +It was true that Mildred's was an essentially nomadic and adventurous +soul. Whether the desert was precisely the most suitable sphere for her +wanderings was open to doubt, but for the moment as typifying freedom, +travel, and motion--all that really was as the breath of life to her--it +fascinated her imagination. Maxwell, closely watching that +sunshine-gilded head, saw her eyes widen, her whole expression at once +excited and meditative, as though she beheld a vision. But in a moment +she had turned to him with a challenging smile. + +"I thought slavery was the only proper thing for women." + +"So it is--for ordinary women. It makes them happier and less +mischievous. But I don't fall into the mistake--which causes such a deal +of unnecessary misery and waste in the world--the mistake of supposing +that you can ever make a rule which it's good for every one to obey. +You've got to make your rule for the average person. Therefore it's +bound not to fit the man or woman who is not average, and it's folly to +wish them to distort themselves to fit it." + +"And I'm not average? I needn't be a slave? Oh, thank you, Max! I am so +glad." + +"Confound it, Mildred, I'm not joking. You are a born queen and you +oughtn't to be a slave; but you are one, all the same. You're a slave to +the 'daily round, the common task,' which were never meant for such as +you; you're a slave to the conventional idiocy of your neighbors. You +daren't even take your hat off till I make you; and now you see how nice +it is to ride with your hat off." + +They had been slowly descending the steep, stony road which leads to +Wytham Village, but as he spoke they were turning off into a large field +to the right, across which a turfy track led gradually up to the woods +from which they had come. The track lay smooth before them, and the +horses began to sidle and dance directly their hoofs touched it. Mildred +did not answer his remarks, except by a reference to the hat. + +"Don't lose it, that's all!" she shouted, looking back and laughing, as +she shot up the track ahead of him. He fancied she was trying to show +him that she could run away from him if she chose; and with a quiet +smile on his lips and a firm hand on his tugging horse, he kept behind +her until she was a good way up the field. Then he gave his horse its +head and it sprang forward. She heard the eager thud of the heavy hoofs +drawing up behind, and in a few seconds he was level with her. For a +minute they galloped neck and neck, though at a little distance from +each other. Then she saw him ahead, riding with a seat looser than most +Englishmen's, yet with an assurance, a grace of its own, the +hind-quarters of his big horse lifting powerfully under him, as it sped +with great bounds over the flying turf. Her own mare saw it, too, and +vented her annoyance in a series of kicks, which, it must be confessed, +seriously disturbed Mildred's equilibrium. Then settling to business, +she sprang after her companion. Maxwell heard her following him up the +long grass slope towards the gate which opens into the main ride by +which they had started. He fancied he had the improvised race well in +hand, but suddenly the hoofs behind him hurried their beat; Mildred flew +past him at top speed and flung her mare back on its haunches at the +gate. + +"I've won! Hurrah! I've won!" she shouted, breathlessly, and waved her +whip at him. + +Maxwell was swearing beneath his breath, in a spasm of anger and +anxiety. + +"Don't play the fool!" he cried, savagely, as he drew rein close to her. +"You might have thrown the mare down or mixed her in with the gate, +pulling her up short like that. It's a wonder you didn't come off +yourself, for though you're a devil to go, you know as well as I do +you're a poor horse-woman." + +He was violently angry, partly at Mildred's ignorant rashness, partly +because, after all, she had beaten him. She, taking her hat from his +hand and fastening it on again, uttered apologies, but from the lips +only; for she had never seen a man furious before, and she was keenly +interested in the spectacle. Maxwell's eyes were not inscrutable now; +they glittered with manifest rage. His harsh voice was still harsher, +his hard jaw clinched, the muscles of his lean face, which was as pale +as its brownness allowed it to be, stood out like cords, and the hand +that grasped her reins shook. Mildred felt somewhat as she imagined a +lion-tamer might feel; just the least bit alarmed, but mistress of the +brute, on the whole, and enjoying the contact with anything so natural +and fierce and primitive. The feeling had not had time to pall on her, +when going through the gate, they were joined by two other members of +the little clan of Wytham riders, and all rode back to Oxford together, +through flying scuds of rain. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI + + +There is a proverbial rule against playing with fire, but it is one +which, as Davison would have said, was evidently made by average people, +who would in fact rather play with something else. There are others to +whom fire is the only really amusing plaything; and though the +by-stander may hold his breath, nine times out of ten they will come out +of the game as unscathed as the professional fire-eater. This was not +precisely true of Mildred, who had still a wide taste in playthings; but +in the absence of anything new and exciting in her environment, she +found an immense fascination in playing with the fiery elements in +Maxwell Davison's nature, in amusing her imagination with visions of a +free wandering life, led under a burning Oriental sky, which he +constantly suggested to her. Yet dangerously alluring as these visions +might appear, appealing to all the hidden nomad heart of her, her good +sense was never really silenced. It told her that freedom from the +shackles of civilization might become wearisome in time, besides +involving heavier, more intolerable forms of bondage; although she did +not perceive that Maxwell Davison's dislike to her being a slave was +only a dislike to her being somebody else's slave. He was a despot at +heart and had accustomed himself to a frank despotism over women. +Mildred's power over him, the uncertainty of his power over her, +maddened him. But Mildred did not know what love meant. At one time she +had fancied her affection for Ian might be love; now she wondered +whether her strange interest in the society of a man for whom she had no +affection, could be that. She did not feel towards Ian as an ordinary +wife might have done, yet his feelings and interests weighed much with +her. Milly, too, she must necessarily consider, but she did that in a +different, an almost vengeful spirit. + +One evening Ian, looking up from his work, asked her what she was +smiling at so quietly to herself. And she could not tell him, because it +was at a horrible practical joke suggested to her by an impish spirit +within. What if she should prepare a little surprise for the returning +Milly? Let her find herself planted in Araby the Blest with Maxwell +Davison? Mildred chuckled, wondering to herself which would be in the +biggest rage, Milly or Max; for however Tims might affirm the contrary, +Mildred had a fixed impression that Milly could be in a rage. + +The fire-game was hastening to its close; but before Mildred could prove +herself a real mistress of the dangerous element, the sleep fell upon +her. + +Except a sensation of fatigue, for which it was easy to find a reason, +there was no warning of the coming change. But Ian had dreams in the +night and opened his eyes in the morning with a feeling of uneasiness +and depression. Mildred could never sleep late without causing him +anxiety, and on this morning his first glance at her filled him with a +dread certainty. She was sleeping what was to her in a measure the sleep +of death. He had a violent impulse to awaken her forcibly; but he feared +it would be dangerous. With his arm around her and his head close to +hers on the pillow, he whispered her name over and over again. The +calmness of her face gradually gave way to an expression of struggle +approaching convulsion, and he dared not continue. He could only await +the inevitable in a misery which from its very nature could find no +expression and no comforter. + +Milly, unlike Mildred, did not return to the world in a rapture of +satisfaction with it. The realization of the terrible robbery of life of +which she had again been the victim, was in itself enough to account for +a certain sadness even in her love for Ian and for her child. The +hygiene of the nursery had been neglected according to her ideas, yet +Baby was bonny enough to delight any mother's heart, however heavy it +might be. Ian, she said, wanted feeding up and taking care of; and he +submitted to the process with a gentle, melancholy smile. Just one +request he made; that she would not spoil her pretty hair by screwing it +up in her usual unbecoming manner. She understood, studying a certain +photograph in a drawer--what drawer was safe from Milly's tidyings?--and +dressed her hair as like it as she knew how, with a secret bitterness of +heart. + +Mildred had found a diary, methodically kept by Milly, of great use to +her, and although incapable herself of keeping one regularly, she had +continued it in a desultory manner, noting down whatever she thought +might be useful for Milly's guidance. For whatever the feelings of the +two personalities towards each other, there was a terrible closeness of +union between them. Their indivisibility in the eyes of the world made +their external interests inevitably one. New friends and acquaintances +Mildred had noted down, with useful remarks upon them. She was not +confidential on the subject of Maxwell Davison, but she gave the bare +necessary information. + +It was now late in the Summer Term and her bedroom chimney-piece was +richly decorated with invitation cards. Among others there was an +invitation to a garden-party at Lady Margaret Hall. Milly put on a fresh +flowered muslin dress, apparently unworn, that she found hanging in one +of the deep wall-cupboards of the old house, and a coarse burnt-straw +hat, trimmed with roses and black ribbon, which became her marvellously +well. All the scruples of an apostle of hygienic dress, all the +uneasiness of an economist at the prospect of unpaid bills, disappeared +before the pleasure of a young woman face to face with an extremely +pretty reflection in a pier-glass. That glass, an oval in a light +mahogany frame, of the Regency period, if not earlier, was one of +Mildred's finds in the slums of St. Ebbes. + +She walked across the Parks, where the Cricket Match of the season was +drawing a crowd, meaning to come out by a gate below Lady Margaret Hall, +the gardens and buildings of which did not then extend to the Cherwell. +In their place were a few tennis-grounds and a path leading to a +boat-house, shared by a score or more of persons. While she was still +coming across the grass of the Parks, a man in flannels, very white in +the sun, came towards her from the gate for which she was making. He +must have recognized her from a long way off. He was a striking-looking +man of middle age, walking with a free yet indolent stride that carried +him along much faster than it appeared to do. + +Milly had no idea who the stranger was, but he greeted her with: "Here +you are at last, Mildred! Do you know how much behind time you are?"--he +took out his watch--"Exactly thirty-five minutes. I should have given +you up if I hadn't known that breaking your promise is not among your +numerous vices, and unpunctuality is." + +Who on earth was he? And why did he call her by her Christian name? +Milly went a beautiful pink with embarrassment. + +"I'm so sorry. I thought the party would have just begun," she replied. + +"You don't mean to say you want to keep me kicking my heels while you go +to a confounded party? I thought you knew I was off to Paris to-night, +after that Firdusi manuscript, and I think of taking the Continental +Express to Constantinople next week. I don't know when I shall be back. +Surely, Mildred, it's not a great deal to ask you to spare half an hour +from a wretched party to come on the river with me before I go?" It +struck Maxwell as he ended that he was falling into the whining of the +Occidental lover. He was determined that he would clear the situation +this afternoon; the more determined because he was conscious of a +feeling odiously resembling fear which had before now held him back from +plain dealing with Mildred. Afraid of a woman? It was too ridiculous. + +Milly, meanwhile, felt herself on firmer ground. This must be Ian's +cousin, Maxwell Davison, the Orientalist. But there was nothing nomadic +in her heart to thrill to the idea of being on the Cherwell this +afternoon, in London this evening, in Paris next morning, in +Constantinople next week. + +"Of course I'll come on the river with you," she said. "I'm sorry I'm +late. I'm afraid I--I'd forgotten." + +Forgotten! How simply she said it! Yet it was surely the veriest +impudence of coquetry. He looked at her slowly from the hat downward, as +he lounged leisurely at her side. + +"War-paint, I see!" he remarked. "Armed from head to heel with all the +true and tried female weapons. They're just the same all the world +over--'plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose,'--though no doubt you +fancy they're different. Who's the frock put on for, Mildred? For the +party, or--for me?" + +Milly was conscious of such an extreme absence of intention so far as +Maxwell was concerned, that it would have been rude to express it. She +went very pink again, and lifting forget-me-not blue eyes to his +inscrutable ones, articulated slowly: + +"I'm sure I don't know." + +Her eyes were like a child's and a shy smile curved her pink lips +adorably as she spoke. Such mere simplicity would not in itself have +cast a spell over Maxwell, but it came to him as a new, surprising phase +of the eternal feminine in her; and it had the additional charm that it +caused that subjugated feeling resembling fear, with which Mildred could +inspire him, to disappear entirely. He was once more in the proper +dominant attitude of Man. He felt the courage now to make her do what he +believed she wished to do in her heart; the courage, too, to punish her +for the humiliation she had inflicted upon him. Six months ago he would +have had nothing but a hearty contempt for the man who could beat thirty +yards of gravel-path for half an hour, watch in hand, in a misery of +impatience, waiting on the good pleasure of a capricious woman. + +Meantime he laughed good-humoredly at Milly's answer and began to talk +of neutral matters. If her tongue did not move as nimbly as usual, he +flattered himself it was because she knew that the hour of her surrender +was at hand. + +Milly knew the boat-house well, the pleasant dimness of it on hot summer +days; how the varnished boats lay side by side all down its length, and +how the light canoes rested against the walls as it were on shelves. +How, when the big doors were opened on to the raft and the slowly +moving river without, bright circles of sunlight, reflected from the +running water, would fly in and dance on wall and roof. She stood there +in the dimness, while Maxwell lifted down a large canoe and, opening one +of the barred doors, took it out to the water. Mildred would have felt a +half-conscious æsthetic pleasure in watching his movements, +superficially indolent but instinct with strength. Milly had not the +same æsthetic sensibilities, and she was still disagreeably embarrassed +at finding herself on such a familiar footing with a man whom she had +never seen before. Then, although she followed Aunt Beatrice's golden +rule of never allowing a question of feminine dress to interfere with +masculine plans, she could not but feel anxious as to the fate of her +fresh muslin and ribbons packed into a canoe. Maxwell, however, had +learned canoeing years ago on the Canadian lakes, and did not splash. +His lean, muscular brown arms and supple wrists took the canoe rapidly +through the water, with little apparent effort. + +It was the prime of June and the winding willow-shaded Cherwell was in +its beauty. White water-lilies were only just beginning to open silver +buds, floating serenely on their broad green and red pads; but prodigal +masses of wild roses, delicately rich in scent and various in color, +overhung the river in brave arching bowers or starred bushes and +hedgerows so closely that the green briers were hardly visible. Beds of +the large blue water forget-me-not floated beside the banks, and above +them creamy meadow-sweet lifted its tall plumes among the reeds and +grasses. Small water-rats swam busily from bank to bank or played on the +roots of the willows, and bright wings of birds and insects fluttered +and skimmed over the shining stream. + +The Cherwell, though not then the crowded waterway it has since become, +was usually popular with boaters on such an afternoon. But there must +have been strong counter-attractions elsewhere, for Milly and Davison +passed only one, a party of children working very independent oars, on +their way to the little gray house above the ferry, where an old +Frenchman dispensed tea in arbors. + +There was a kind of hypnotic charm in the gliding motion of the canoe +and the water running by. Milly was further dazed by Maxwell's talk. It +was full of mysterious references and couched in the masterful tone of a +person who had rights over her--a tone which before he had been more +willing than able to adopt; but now the bit was between his teeth. +Perhaps absorbed in his own intent, he hardly noticed how little she +answered; but he did notice every point of her beauty as she leaned back +on the cushions in the light shade of her parasol, from the soft +brightness of her hair to the glimpse of delicate white skin which +showed through the open-work stocking on her slender foot. + +When they were in the straight watery avenue between green willow walls, +which leads up to the ferry, he slackened the pace. + +"And what are you going to do next week?" he asked, as one of a series +of ironical questions. + +"A great deal; much more than I care to do. I'm going up to town to see +the new Savoy opera, and I'm going to a dance, and to several +garden-parties, and to dine with the Master of Durham." + +"Quite enough for some people; but not for you, Mildred. Think of +it--year after year, always the same old run. October Term, Lent Term, +Summer Term! A little change in Vacations, say a month abroad, when you +can afford it. You aren't meant for it, you know you're not, any more +than a swallow's meant for the little hopping, pecketing life of a +London sparrow." + +"Indeed, I don't see the likeness either way. I'm quite happy as I am." + +He smiled mockingly. + +"Quite happy! As it's very proper you should be, of course. Come, +Mildred, no humbug! Think how you'd feel if you knew that instead of +going to all those idiotic parties next week you were going to +Constantinople." + +"Isn't it dreadfully hot at this time of year?" + +"I like it hot. But at any rate one can always find some cool place in +the hottest weather. How would you like to go in a caravan from Cairo to +Damascus next autumn?" + +"I dare say it would be delightful, if the country one passed through +were not too wild and dangerous. But Ian would never be able to leave +his work for an expedition like that." + +Maxwell smiled grimly. + +"I'd no idea you'd want him. I shouldn't. Do be serious. If you fancy +I'm the sort of man you can go on playing with forever, you're most +confoundedly mistaken." + +Milly was both offended and alarmed. Was this strange man mad? And she +alone with him on the river! + +"I don't know what you mean," she said, coldly. + +"Don't you?" he returned, and he still wore his ironic smile--"Well, I +know what you mean all the time. You say I only know Oriental women, +but, by Allah, there's not a pin to choose between the lot of you, +except that there's less humbug about them, and over here you're a set +of trained, accomplished hypocrites!" + +Indignation overcame fear in Milly's bosom. + +"We are nothing of the kind," she said. "How can you talk such +nonsense?" + +"Nonsense? I suppose being a woman you can't really be logical, although +you generally pretend to be so. Why have you pranked yourself out, spent +an hour I dare say in making yourself pretty to-day? For what possible +reason except to attract the eyes of a crowd of men, young fools or +doddering old ones--" + +Milly uttered an expression of vehement denial, but he continued: + +"Or else to whet my appetite for forbidden fruit. But there's no 'or' +about it, is there? Most likely you had both of those desirable objects +in view." + +Milly was not a coward when her indignation was aroused. She took hold +of the sides of the canoe and began raising herself. + +"I don't know whether you mean to be insulting," she said; "but I don't +wish to hear any more of this sort of thing. I'd rather you put me out, +please." + +"Sit down," he said, with authority--the canoe was rocking +violently--"unless you're anxious to be drowned. I warn you I'm a very +poor swimmer, and if we upset there's not a ghost of a chance of my +being able to save you." + +Milly was a poor swimmer, too, and felt by no means competent to save +herself; neither was she anxious to be drowned. So she sat down again. + +"Put me out at the ferry, please," she repeated, haughtily. + +They were reaching the end of the willow avenue, just where the wire +rope crosses the river. On the right was a small wooden landing-stage, +and high above it the green, steep river-bank, with the gray house and +the arbors on the top. The old Frenchman stood before the house in his +shirt-sleeves, watching sadly for his accustomed prey, which for some +inexplicable reason did not come. He took off his cap expectantly to +Maxwell Davison, whom he knew; but the canoe glided swiftly under the +rope and on. + +"No, I sha'n't put you out, Mildred," Maxwell answered with decision, +after a pause. "I'm sorry if I've offended you. I've forgotten my +manners, no doubt, and must seem a bit of a brute to you. I didn't bring +you here just to quarrel, or to play a practical joke upon you, and send +you on a field-walk in that smart frock and shoes--" he smiled at her, +and this time she was obliged to feel a certain fascination in his +smile--"nor yet to go on with the game you've been playing with me all +these months. You forget; I've been used to Nature for so many years +that I find it hard to realize how natural the most artificial +conditions of life appear to you. I'll try to remember; but you must +remember, too, that the most civilized beings on earth have got to come +right up against the hard facts of Nature sometimes. They've got to be +stripped of their top layer and see it stripped off other people, and to +recognize the fact that every one has got a core of Primitive Man or of +Primitive Woman in them; a perfectly unalterable, indestructible core. +And the people who refuse to recognize that aren't elevated and refined, +but simply stupid and obstinate and no good." + +Milly, if she would have no compromise with principles, was always quick +to accept an apology. She did not follow the line of Maxwell's argument, +but she remembered it was noted in a certain deplorably irregular Diary, +that he had lived for many years in the East and was quite Orientalized +in many of his ways and ideas. With gentle dignity she signified that in +her opinion civilized European manners and views were to be commended in +opposition to barbarous and Oriental ones. Maxwell, his face bent +towards the turning paddle, hardly heard what she was saying. He was +paddling fast and considering many things. + +They came to where the river ran under a narrow grass field, rising in +a steep bank and shut off from the world by a tall hedge and a row of +elms, that threw long shadows down the grass and were reflected in the +water. A path led through it, but it was little frequented. On the other +side was a wide, green meadow, where the long grass was ripening under +rose-blossoming hedges, and far beyond was the blueness of distant hills +and woods. Maxwell ran the bow of the canoe into a thick bed of +forget-me-nots, growing not far from the bank. He laid the dripping +paddle aside, and, resting his elbows on his knees, held his head in his +hands for a minute or more. When he turned his face towards her it was +charged with passion, but most of all with a grave masterfulness. He had +been sitting on a low seat, but now he kneeled so as to come nearer to +her, and, stretching out his long arms, laid a hand, brown, +long-fingered, smooth, on her two slight, gray-gloved ones. + +"Mildred," he said, and his voice seemed to have lost its harshness, +"I've brought you here to make you decide what you are going to do with +me and with yourself. I want you--you know I want you, but I don't come +begging for you as an alms. I say, just compare the life, the free, +glorious life I can give you, and the wretched, petty round of existence +here. Come with me, won't you? Don't be afraid I shall treat you like a +slave; I follow Nature, and Nature made you a queen. Come with me +to-night, come to Paris, to Constantinople, to all the East! Never mind +about love yet, we won't talk about that, for I don't really flatter +myself you love me; I'm only sure you don't love Ian--" + +Milly had listened to him so far, drawing herself back to the farthest +end of the canoe, half petrified with amazement, half dominated by his +powerful personality. At these words her pallor gave way to a scarlet +flush. + +"How dare you!" she cried, in a voice tremulous with indignation. "How +dare you talk to me like this? How dare you name my husband? You brought +me out here on purpose to say such things to me? Oh, it's abominable, +it's disgraceful!" + +There was no room for doubt as to the sincerity of her indignation. +Maxwell drew back and his face changed. There were patches of dull red +on his cheeks, almost as though he had been struck, and his narrow eyes +glittered. Looking at him, Milly felt physical fear; she thought once +more of insanity. There was a silence; then she spoke again. + +"Put me on to the bank here, please. I'll walk back." + +"I shall let you go when I choose," returned he, in a grating voice. "I +have something to say to you first." + +He paused and his frown darkened upon her. "You asked me how I 'dared.' +Dare! Do you take me for a dog, to be chained up and tantalized with +nice bits, and hardly allowed to whine for them? I say, how dare you +entice me with your beauty--it's decked out now for me--entice me with +all your beguiling ways, your pretence of longing to go away and to live +the free life in the East as I live it? Now, when you've made me want +you--what else have you been aiming at? You pretend to be surprised, you +pretend even to yourself, to be dreadfully shocked. What damned humbug! +With us only the dancing-girls venture to play such tricks as you do, +and they daren't go too far, because the men are men and wear knives. +But here you proper women, with your weakness unnaturally protected, you +go about pretending you don't know there's such a thing in the world as +desire--oh, of course not!--and all the while you're deliberately +exciting it and playing upon it." + +Mildred had been right in saying that the gentle Milly could be in a +rage; though it was a thing that had happened to her only once or twice +before since her childhood. It happened now. Anger, burning anger, +extinguished the fear that had held her silent while he was speaking. + +"It's false!" she cried, with burning face and blazing eyes. "It's +disgraceful of you to say such things--it's degrading for me to have to +hear them. I will get away from you, if I have to jump into the river." + +She started forward, but Maxwell, with his tall, lithe body and long +arms, had a great reach. He leaned forward and his iron hands were upon +her shoulders, forcing her back. + +"Don't be a fool," he said, still fierce in eye and voice. + +Her lips trembled with fury so that she could hardly speak. + +"Do you consider yourself a gentleman?" + +He laughed scornfully. + +"I don't consider the question at all. I am a man; you are a woman, and +you have presumed to make a plaything of me. You thought you could do it +with impunity because we are civilized, because you are a lady; for +bar-maids and servant-girls do get their throats cut sometimes still. +Don't be frightened, I'm not going to kill you, but I mean to make you +understand for once that these privileges of weakness are humbug, that +they're not in nature. I mean to teach you that a man is a better +animal--" + +He suddenly withdrew his hands from her with a sharp exclamation. +Milly's teeth were pearly white and rather small, but they were pointed, +and they had met in the flesh of the right hand which rested so firmly +on her shoulder. He fell back and put his hand to his mouth. A boat-hook +lay within her reach, and her end of the canoe had drifted near enough +to the river-bank for her to be able to catch hold with the hook and to +pull it farther in. Braced to the uttermost by rage and fear, she +bounded to her feet without upsetting the canoe. It lurched violently, +but righted itself, swinging out once more into the stream. Maxwell +looked up and saw her standing on the river-bank above him. She did not +stay to parley, but with lifted skirt hurried up the steep meadow, +through the sun-flecked shadows of the elm-trees, towards the path. When +she was half-way up a harsh, sardonic laugh sounded behind her, and +instinctively she looked back. Maxwell held up his wounded hand: + +"Primitive woman at last, Mildred!" he shouted. "Don't apologize, I +sha'n't." + + + + +CHAPTER XVII + + +Ian only came home just in time to scramble into his evening dress-suit +for a dinner at the Fletchers'. He needed not to fear delay either from +that shirt-button at the back, refractory or on the last thread, or from +any other and more insidious trap for the hurrying male. Milly looked +after him in a way which, if the makers of traditions concerning wives +were not up to their necks in falsehood, must have inspired devotion in +the heart of any husband alive. She had already observed that he had +been allowed to lose most of the pocket-handkerchiefs she had marked for +him in linen thread. That trifles such as this should cause bitterness +will seem as absurd to sensible persons as it would to be told that our +lives are made up of mere to-morrows--if Shakespeare had not happened to +put that in his own memorable way. For it takes a vast deal of +imagination to embrace the ordinary facts of life and human nature. But +even the most sensible will understand that it was annoying for Milly +regularly to find her own and the family purse reduced to a state that +demanded rigid economy. The Invader, stirring in that limbo where she +lay, might have answered that rigid economy was Milly's forte and real +delight, and that it was well she should have nothing to spend in +ridiculously disguising the fair body they were condemned to share. +Mildred certainly left behind her social advantages which both Ian and +Milly enjoyed without exactly realizing their source, while her +bric-à-brac purchases, from an eighteenth-century print to a Chinese +ivory, were always sure to be rising investments. But all such minor +miseries as her invasion might multiply for Milly, were forgotten in the +horror of the abyss that had now opened under her feet. For long after +that second return of hers, on the night of the thunderstorm, a shadow, +a dreadful haunting thought, had hovered in the back of her mind. +Gradually it had faded with the fading of a memory; but to-night the +colors of that memory revived, the thought startled into a more vivid +existence. + +In the press and hurry of life, not less in Oxford than in other modern +towns, the Stewarts and Fletchers did not meet so often and intimately +as to make inevitable the discovery of Mildred Stewart's dual +personality by her cousins. They said she had developed moods; but with +the conservatism of relations, saw nothing in her that they had not seen +in her nursery days. + +Ian and Milly walked home from dinner, according to Oxford custom, but a +Durham man walked with them, talking over a College question with Ian, +and they did not find themselves alone until they were within the +wainscoted walls of the old house. Milly had looked so pale all the +evening that Ian expected her to go to bed at once; but she followed +him into the study, where the lamp was shedding its circle of light on +the heaped books and papers of his writing-table. Making some +perfunctory remarks which she barely answered, he sat down to work at an +address which he was to deliver at the meeting of a learned society in +London. + +Milly threw off her white shawl and seated herself on the old, +high-backed sofa. Her dress was of some gauzy material of indeterminate +tone, interwoven with gold tinsel, and a scarf of gauze embroidered with +gold disguised what had seemed to her an over-liberal display of +dazzling shoulders. Ian, absorbed in his work, hardly noticed his wife +sitting in the penumbra, chin on hand, staring before her into +nothingness, like some Cassandra of the hearth, who listens to the +inevitable approaching footsteps of a tragic destiny. At last she said: + +"I've got something awful to tell you." + +Ian startled, dropped his pen and swung himself around in his pivot +chair. + +"What about? Tony?"--for it was to this diminutive that Mildred had +reduced the flowing syllables of Antonio. + +"No, your cousin, Maxwell Davison." + +Now, Ian liked his cousin well enough, but by no means as well as he +liked Tony. + +"About Max!" he exclaimed, relieved. "What's happened to him?" + +"Nothing--but oh, Ian! I--hate even to speak of such a thing--" + +"Never mind. Just tell me what it is." + +"I was on the river with him this afternoon, and he--he made love to +me." + +The lines of Ian's face suddenly hardened. + +"Did he?" he returned, significantly, playing with a paper-knife. Then, +after a pause: "I'm awfully sorry, Milly. I'd no idea he was such a +cad." + +"He--he wanted me to run away with him." + +Ian's face became of an almost inhuman severity. + +"I shall let Maxwell Davison know my opinion of him," he said. + +"But it's worse--it's even more horrible than that. He was expecting me. +I--_I_ of course knew nothing about it; I only knew about the +garden-party at Lady Margaret. But he said I'd promised to come; he said +all kinds of shocking, horrid things about my having dressed myself up +for him--" + +"Please don't tell me what he said, Milly," Ian interrupted, still +coldly, but with a slight expression of disgust. "I'd rather you didn't. +I suppose I ought to have taken better care of you, my poor little girl, +but really here in Oxford one never thinks of anything so outrageous +happening." + +"I must tell you one thing," she resumed, almost obstinately. "He said +he knew I didn't love you--that _I_ didn't love _you_, my own darling +husband. Some one, some one--must be responsible for his thinking that. +How do I know what happens when--when I'm away. My poor Ian! Left with a +creature who doesn't love you!" + +Ian rose. His face was cold and hard still, but there was a faint flush +on his cheek, the mark of a frown between his black brows. He walked to +a window and looked out into the moonlit garden, where the gnarled +apple-trees threw weird black shadows on grass and wall, like shapes of +grotesque animals, or half-hidden spectres, lurking, listening, waiting. + +"We're getting on to a dangerous subject," he answered, at length. +"Don't give me pain by imagining evil about--about yourself. You could +never, under any aspect, be anything but innocent and loyal and all that +a man could wish his wife to be." + +He smoothed his brow with an effort, went up to her, and taking her soft +face between his hands kissed her forehead. + +"There!" he exclaimed, with a forced smile. "Don't let's talk about it +any more, darling. Go to bed and forget all about it. It won't seem so +bad to-morrow morning." + +But Milly did not respond. When he released her head she threw it back +against her own clasped hands, closing her eyes. She was ghastly pale. + +"No," she moaned, "I can't bear it by myself. It's too, too awful. It's +not Me; it's something that takes my place. I saw it once. It's an evil +spirit. O God, what have I done that such a thing should happen to me! +I've always tried to be good." + +There was a clash of pity and anger in Ian's breast. Pity for Milly's +case, anger on account of her whom his inmost being recognized as +another, whatever his rational self might say to the matter. He sat +down beside his wife and uttered soothing nothings. But she turned upon +him eyes of wild despair, the more tragic because it broke through a +nature fitted only for the quietest commonplaces of life. She flung +herself upon him, clutching him tight, hiding her face upon him. + +"What have I done?" she moaned again. "You know I always believed in +God, in God's love. I wouldn't have disbelieved even if He'd taken you +away from me. But now I can't believe in anything. There must be wicked +spirits, but there can't be a good God if He allows them to take +possession of a poor girl like me, who's never done any one any harm. O +Ian, I've tried to pray, and I can't. I don't believe in anything now." + +Ian was deeply perplexed. He himself believed neither in a God nor in +evil spirits, and he knew not how to approach Milly's mind. At length he +said, quietly: + +"I should have expected you, dear, to have reasoned about this a little +more. What's the use of being educated if we give way to superstition, +like savages, directly something happens that we don't quite understand? +Some day an eclipse of conscious personality, like yours, will come to +be understood as well as an eclipse of the moon. Don't let's make it +worse by conjuring up superstitious terrors." + +"At first I thought it was like that--an eclipse of memory. But now I +feel more and more it's a different person that's here, it's not I. +To-night Cousin David said that sometimes when he met me he expected to +find when he got home that his Lady Hammerton had walked away out of the +frame. And, Ian, I looked up at that portrait, and suddenly I was +reminded of--that fearful night when I came back and saw--something. I +am descended from that woman, and you know how wicked she was." + +Again the strange irritation stirred in the midst of Ian's pity. + +"Wicked, darling! That's an absurd word to use." + +"She left her husband. And it's awful that I, who can't understand how +any woman could be so wicked as to do that, should be so terribly like +her. I feel as though it had something to do with this appalling thing +happening to me. Perhaps her sins are being visited on me." She held the +lapels of his coat and looked tenderly, yearningly, in his face. "And I +could bear it better if--But oh, my Ian! I can't bear to think of you +left with something wicked, with some one who doesn't love you, who +deceives you, and--" + +"Milly," he broke in, "I won't have you say things like that. They are +absolutely untrue, and I won't have them said." + +There was a note of sternness in his voice that Milly had never heard +before, and she saw a hard look come into his averted face which was new +to her. When she spoke it was in a gasp. + +"You love her? You love that wicked, bad woman so much you won't let me +tell you what she is?" + +He drew himself away from her with a gesture, and in a minute answered +with cold deliberation: + +"I cannot cease to love my own wife because--because she's not always +exactly the same." + +They sat silent beside each other. At length Milly rose from the sofa. +The tinselled scarf, that other woman's delicate finery, had slipped +from the white beauty of her shoulders. She drew it around her again +slowly, and slowly with bowed head left the room. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII + + +Between noon and one o'clock on a bright June morning there is no place +in the world quite so full of sunshine and summer as the quadrangle of +an Oxford College. Not Age but Youth of centuries smiles from gray walls +and aery pinnacles upon the joyous children of To-day. Youth, in a +bright-haired, black-winged-butterfly swarm, streams out of every dark +doorway, from the austere shade of study, to disport itself, two by two, +or in larger eddying groups, upon the worn gravel, even venturously +flits across the sacred green of the turf. There is an effervescence of +life in the clear air, and the sun-steeped walls of stone are resonant +with the cheerful noise of young voices. Here and there men already in +flannels pass towards the gate; Dons draped in the black folds of the +stately gown, stand chatting with their books under their arms; and +since the season of festivity has begun, scouts hurry cautiously to and +fro from buttery and kitchen, bearing brimming silver cups crowned with +blue borage and floating straws, or trays of decorated viands. The +scouts are grave and careworn, but from every one else a kind of +physical joy and contentment seems to breathe as perfume breathes from +blossoms and even leaves, in the good season of the year. + +Ian Stewart did not quite resist this atmosphere of physical +contentment. He stood in the sunshine exchanging a few words with +passing pupils; yet at the back of his mind there was a deep distress. +He had been brought up in the moral refinement, the honorable strictness +of principle with regard to moral law, common to his academic class, +and, besides, he had an innate delicacy and sensibility of feeling. If +his intelligence perceived that there are qualities, individualities +which claim exemption from ordinary rules, he had no desire to claim any +such exemption for himself. Yet he found himself occupying the position +of a man torn on the rack between a jealous wife for whom he has +affection and esteem, and a mistress who compels his love. Only here was +not alone a struggle but a mystery, and the knot admitted of no +severance. + +He looked around upon his pupils, upon the distant figures of his fellow +Dons, robed in the same garb, seemingly living the same life as himself. +Where was fact, where was reality? In yonder phantasmagoric procession +of Oxford life, forever repeating itself, or in this strange +tragi-comedy of souls, one in two and two in one, passing behind the +thick walls of that old house in the street nearby? There he stood among +the rest, part and parcel apparently of an existence as ordinary, as +peaceful, as monotonous as the Victorian era could produce. Yet if he +were to tell any one within sight the plain truth concerning his life, +it would be regarded as a fairy tale, the fantastic invention of an +overwrought brain. + +There is something in college life which fosters a reticence that is +almost secretiveness; and this becomes a code, a religion; yet Stewart +found himself seized with an intense longing to confide in someone. And +at that moment, from under the wide archway leading into the quadrangle, +appeared the Master of Durham. The Master was in cap and gown, and +carried some large papers under his arm; he walked slowly, as he had +taken to walking of late, his odd, trotting gait transformed almost to a +hobble. Meditative, he looked straight before him with unseeing eyes. No +artist was ever able to seize the inner and the outer verity of that +round, pink baby face, filled with the power of a weighty personality +and a penetrating mind. Stewart marked him in that minute, sagacity and +benevolence, as it were, silently radiating from him; and the younger +man in his need turned to the wise Master, the paternal friend whose +counsels had done so much to set his young feet in the way of success. + +When Stewart found himself in the Master's study, the study so familiar +to his youth, with its windows looking out on the garden quadrangle, and +saw the great little man himself seated before him at the writing-table, +he marvelled at the temerity that had brought him there to speak on such +a theme. But the cup was poured and had to be drunk. The Master left him +to begin. He sat with a plump hand on each plump knee, and regarded his +old pupil with silent benevolence. + +"I've come to see you, Master," said Stewart, "because I feel very +bewildered, very helpless, in a matter which touches my wife even more +than myself. You were so kind about my marriage, and you have always +been good to her as well as to me." + +"Miss Flaxman was a nice young lady," squeaked the Master. "I knew you +married wisely." + +"Something happened shortly before we were engaged which she--we didn't +quite grasp--its importance, I mean," Stewart began. He then spoke of +those periodical lapses of memory in his wife which he had come to see +involved real and extraordinary variations in her character--a change, +in fact, of personality. He mentioned their futile visits to +Norton-Smith, the brain and nerve specialist. The Master heard him +without either moving or interrupting. When he had done there was a +silence. At length the Master said: + +"I suspect we don't understand women." + +"Perhaps not. But, Master, haven't you yourself noticed a great +difference in my wife at various times?" + +"Not more than I feel in myself--not of another character, that is. We +live among men; we live among men who, generally speaking, know nothing +about women. That's why women appear to us strange and unnatural. Your +wife's quite normal, really." + +"But the memory alone, surely--" + +"That's made you nervous; but I've known cases not far different. You +remember meeting Sir Henry Milwood here? When I knew him he was a young +clergyman. He had an illness; forgot all about his clerical life, and +went sheep-farming in Australia, where he made his fortune." + +"But his personality?" asked Stewart, with anxiety. "Was that changed?" + +"Certainly. A colonial sheep-farmer is a different person from a young +Don just in orders." + +"I don't mean that, Master. I mean did he rise from his bed with ideas, +with feelings quite opposite to those which had possessed him when he +lay down upon it? Did he ever have a return of the clerical phase, +during which he forgot how he became a sheep-farmer and wished to take +up his old work again?" + +"No--no." + +There was a pause. The Master played with his gold spectacles and sucked +his under lip. Then: + +"Take a good holiday, Stewart," he said. + +Stewart's clear-cut face hardened and flushed momentarily. "These are +not fancies of my own, Master. Cases occur in which two, sometimes more +than two, entirely different personalities alternate in the same +individual. The spontaneous cases are rare, of course, but hypnotism +seems to develop them pretty freely. The facts are there, but English +scientists prefer to say nothing about them." + +The Master rose and trotted restlessly about. + +"They're quite right," he returned, at length. "Such ideas can lead to +nothing but mischief." + +"Surely that is the orthodox theologian's usual objection to scientific +fact." + +The Master lifted his head and looked at his rebel disciple. For +although he was an officiating clergyman, he and the orthodox +theologians were at daggers drawn. + +"Views, statements of this kind are not knowledge," he said, after a +while, and continued moving uneasily about without looking at Stewart. + +Stewart did not reply; it seemed useless to go on talking. He recognized +that the Master's attitude was what his own had been before the iron of +fact had entered into his flesh and spirit. Yet somehow he had hoped +that his Master's large and keen perception of human things, his +judicial mind, would have lifted him above the prejudices of Reason. He +sat there cheerless, his college cap between his knees; and was seeking +the moment to say good-bye when the Master suddenly sat down beside him. +To any one looking in at the window, the two seated side by side on the +hard sofa would have seemed an oddly assorted pair. Stewart's length of +frame, the raven black of his hair and beard, the marble pallor of his +delicate features, made the little Master look smaller, pinker, plumper +than usual; but his face, radiating wisdom and affection, was more than +beautiful in the eyes of his old disciple. + +"I took a great interest in your marriage, Stewart," he said. "I always +think of you and your wife as two very dear young friends. You must let +me speak to you now as a father might--and probably wouldn't." + +Stewart assented with affectionate reverence. + +"You are young, but your wife is much younger. A man marries a girl +many years younger than himself and has not the same feeling of +responsibility towards her as he would have towards a young man of the +same age. He seldom considers her youth. Yet his responsibility is much +greater towards her than towards a pupil of the same age; she needs more +help, she will accept more in forming her mind and character. Now you +have married a young lady who is very intelligent, very pleasing; but +she has a delicate nervous system, and it has been overstrained. She +lets this peculiar weakness of her memory get on her nerves. You have +nerves yourself, you have imagination, and you let your mind give way to +hers. That's not wise; it's not right. Let her feel that these moods do +not affect you; be sure that they do not. What matters mainly is that +your mutual love should remain unchanged. When your wife finds that her +happiness, her real happiness, is quite untouched by these changes of +mood, she will leave off attributing an exaggerated importance to them. +So will you, Stewart. You will see them in their right proportion; you +will see the great evil and danger of giving way to imagination, of +accepting perverse psychological hypotheses as guides in life. Reason +and Religion are the only true guides." + +The Master did not utter these sayings continuously. There were pauses +which Stewart might have filled, but he did not offer to do so. The +spell of his old teacher's mind and aspect was upon him. His spirit was, +as it were, bowed before his Master in a kind of humility. + +He walked home with a lightened heart, feeling somewhat as a devout +sinner might feel to whom his confessor had given absolution. For about +twenty-four hours this mood lasted. Then he confronted the fact that the +beloved Master's advice had been largely, though not altogether, futile, +because it had not dealt with actuality. And Ian Stewart saw himself to +be moving in the plain, ordinary world of men as solitary as a ghost +which vainly endeavors to make its presence and its needs recognized. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX + + +Tims had ceased to be an inhabitant of Oxford. She was studying +physiology in London and luxuriating in the extraordinary cheapness of +life in Cranham Chambers. Not that she had any special need of +cheapness; but the spinster aunt who brought her up had, together with a +comfortable competence, left her the habit of parsimony. If, however, +she did not know how to enjoy her own income, she allowed many women +poorer than herself to benefit by it. + +She was no correspondent; and an examination, followed by the serious +illness of her next-door neighbor--Mr. Fitzalan, a solitary man with a +small post in the British Museum--had prevented her from visiting Oxford +during Mildred's last invasion. She had imagined Milly Stewart to have +been leading for two undisturbed years the busily tranquil life proper +to her; adoring Ian and the baby, managing her house, and going +sometimes to church and sometimes to committees, without wholly +neglecting the cultivation of the mind. A letter from Milly, in which +she scented trouble, made her call herself sternly to account for her +long neglect of her friend. + +It was now the Long Vacation, but Miss Burt was still at Ascham and +Lady Thomson was spending a week with her. She had stayed with the +Stewarts in the spring, and resolutely keeping a blind eye turned +towards whatever she ought to have disapproved in Mildred, had lauded +her return to bodily vigor, and also to good sense, in ceasing to fuss +about the health of Ian and the baby. Aunt Beatrice would have blushed +to own a husband and child whose health required care. This time when +she dined with the Stewarts she had found Milly reprehensibly pale and +dispirited. One day shortly afterwards she came in to tea. The nurse +happened to be out, and Tony, now a beautiful child of fifteen months, +was sitting on the drawing-room floor. + +The two women were discussing plans for raising money to build a +gymnasium at Ascham, but Tony was not interested in the subject. He kept +working his way along the floor to his mother, partly on an elbow and a +knee, but mostly on his stomach. Arrived at his goal he would pull her +skirt, indicate as well as he could a little box lying by his neglected +picture-book, and grunt with much expression. A monkey lived inside the +box, and Tony, whose memory was retentive, persevered in expecting to +hear that monkey summoned by wild tattoos and subterranean growls until +it jumped up with a bang--a splendidly terrible thing of white bristles, +and scarlet snout--to dance the fandango to a lively if unmusical tune. +Then Tony, be sure, would laugh until he rolled from side to side. Mummy +never responded to his wishes now, but Daddy had pleaded for the +Jack-in-the-box to be spared, and sometimes when quite alone with Tony, +would play the monkey-game in his inferior paternal style, pleased with +such modified appreciation as the young critic might bestow upon him. + +"I'm sorry Baby's so troublesome," apologized the distressed Milly, for +the third time lifting Tony up and replacing him in a sitting posture, +with his picture-book. "I'm trying to teach him to sit quiet, but I'm +afraid he's been played with a great deal more than he should have +been." + +"To tell the truth, I thought so the last time I was here," replied Aunt +Beatrice. "But he's still young enough to be properly trained. It's such +waste of a reasonable person's time to spend it making idiotic noises at +a small baby. And it's a thousand times better for the child's brain and +nerves for it to be left entirely to itself." + +Tony said nothing, but his face began to work in a threatening manner. + +"I perfectly agree with you, Aunt Beatrice," responded Milly, eagerly. + +Lady Thomson continued: + +"Children should be spoken to as little as possible until they are from +two to two and a half years old; then they should be taught to speak +correctly." + +Milly chimed in: "Yes, that's always been my own view. I do feel it so +important that their very first impressions should be the right ones, +that the first pictures they see should be good, that they should never +be sung to out of tune and in general--" + +Apparently this programme for babies did not commend itself to Tony; +certainly the first item, enjoining silent development, did not. His +face had by this time worked the right number of minutes to produce a +roar, and it came. Milly picked him up, but the wounds of his spirit +were not to be immediately healed, and the roar continued. Finally he +had to be handed over to the parlor-maid, and so came to great happiness +in the kitchen, where there were no rules against infantile +conversation. Milly was flushed and disturbed. + +"Baby has not been properly brought up," she said. "He's been allowed +his own way too much." + +"Since you say so, Milly, I must confess I noticed in the spring that +you seemed to be bringing the child up in an easy-going, old-fashioned +way I should hardly have expected of you. I hope you will begin now to +study the theory of education. A mother should take her vocation +seriously. I own I don't altogether understand the taste for frivolities +which you have developed since you married. It's harmless, no doubt, but +it doesn't seem quite natural in a young woman who has taken a First in +Greats." + +Milly's hands grasped the arms of her chair convulsively. She looked at +her aunt with desolation in her dark-ringed eyes. The last thing she had +ever intended was to mention the mysterious and disastrous fate that had +befallen her; yet she did it. + +"The person you saw here last spring wasn't I. Oh, Aunt Beatrice! Can't +you see the difference?" + +Lady Thomson looked at her in surprise: + +"What do you mean? I was speaking of my visit to you in March." + +"And don't you see the difference? Oh, how hateful you must have found +me!" + +"Really, Mildred, I saw nothing hateful about you. On the contrary, if +you want the plain truth, I greatly prefer you in a cheerful, +common-sense mood, as you were then, even if your high spirits do lead +you into a little too much frivolity. I think it a more wholesome, and +therefore ultimately a more useful, frame of mind than this causeless +depression, which leads you to take such a morbid, exaggerated view of +things." + +Every word pierced Milly's heart with a double pang. + +"You liked her better than me?" she asked, piteously. "Yet I've always +tried to be just what you wanted me to be, Aunt Beatrice, to do +everything you thought right, and she--Oh, it's too awful!" + +"What do you mean, Mildred?" + +"I mean that the person you prefer to me as I am now, the person who was +here in March, wasn't I at all." + +The fine healthy carnation of Lady Thomson's cheek paled. In her calm, +rapid way she at once found the explanation of Milly's unhealthy, +depressed appearance and manner. Poor Mildred Stewart was insane. Beyond +the paling of her cheek, however, Lady Thomson allowed no sign of shock +to be visible in her. + +"That's an exaggerated way of talking," she replied. "I suppose you mean +your mood was different." + +Milly was looking straight in front of her with haggard eyes. + +"No; it simply wasn't I at all. You believe in the Bible, don't you?" + +"Not in verbal inspiration, of course, but in a general way, yes," +returned Lady Thomson, puzzled but guarded. + +"Do you believe in the demoniacs? In possession by evil spirits?" + +Milly was not looking at vacancy now. Her desperate hands clutched the +arms of her chair, as she leaned forward and fixed her aunt with hollow +eyes, awaiting her reply. + +"Certainly not! Most certainly not! They were obviously cases of +epilepsy and insanity, misinterpreted by an ignorant age." + +"No--it's all true, quite literally true. Three times, and for six +months or more each time, I have been possessed by a spirit that cannot +be good. I know it's not. It takes my body, it takes the love of people +I care for, away from me--" Milly's voice broke and she pressed her +handkerchief over her face. "You all think her--But she's bad, and some +day she'll do something wicked--something that will break my heart, and +you'll all insist it was I who did it, and you'll believe I'm a wicked +woman." + +Lady Thomson looked very grave. + +"Mildred, dear," she said, "try and collect yourself. It is really +wicked of you to give way to such terrible fancies. Would God permit +such a thing to happen to one of His children? We feel sure He would +not." + +Milly shook her head, but the struggle with her hysterical sobs kept her +silent. Lady Thomson walked to the window, feeling more "upset" than she +had ever felt in her life. The window was open, but an awning shut out +the view of the street. From the window-boxes, filled with pink +geraniums and white stocks, a sweet, warm scent floated into the room, +and the rattle of the milkman's cart, the chink of his cans, fell upon +Lady Thomson's unheeding ears. So did voices in colloquy, but she did +not particularly note a female one of a thin, chirpy quality, addressing +the parlor-maid with a familiarity probably little appreciated by that +elegantly decorous damsel. + +Milly had scarcely mastered her tears and Lady Thomson had just begun to +address her in quiet, firm tones, when Tims burst unannounced into the +room. Her hat was incredibly on one side, and her sallow face almost +crimson with heat, but bright with pleasure at finding herself once more +in Oxford. + +"Hullo, old girl!" she cried, blind to the serious scene into which she +was precipitated. "How are you? Now don't kiss me"--throwing herself +into an attitude of violent defence against an embrace not yet +offered--"I'm too hot. Carried my bag myself all the way from the +station and saved the omnibus." + +Lady Thomson fixed Tims with a look of more than usually cold +disapproval. Milly proffered a constrained greeting. + +"Anything gone wrong?" asked Tims, after a minute, peering at Milly's +tear-stained eyes with her own short-sighted ones. + +Milly answered with a forced self-restraint which appeared like cold +deliberation. + +"Aunt Beatrice thinks I'm mad because I say I'm not the same person she +found in my place last March. I want you to tell her that it's not just +my fancy, but that you know that sometimes a quite different person +takes my place, and I'm not responsible for anything she says or does." + +"Yes, that's a solemn Gospel fact, right enough," affirmed Tims. + +Lady Thomson could hardly control her indignation, but she did, although +she spoke sternly to Tims. + +"Do I understand you to say, Miss Timson, that it's a 'solemn Gospel +fact'--Gospel! Good Heavens--that Milly is possessed by a devil?" + +Tims plumped down on the sofa and stared at Lady Thomson. + +"Possessed by a devil? Good Lord, no! What do you mean?" + +"Mildred believes herself to be possessed by an evil spirit." + +Tims turned to Milly in consternation. + +"Milly, old girl! Come! Poor old Milly! I never thought you were so +superstitious as all that. Besides, I know more about it than you do, +and I tell you straight, you mayn't be quite such a good sort when +you're in your other phase, but as to there being a devil in it--well, +devil's all nonsense, but if that were so, I should like to have a devil +myself, and the more the merrier." + +Milly turned on her a face pale with horror and indignation. Her eyes +flashed and she raised a remonstrating hand. + +"Hush!" she cried. "Hush! You don't know what dreadful things you're +saying. I don't know exactly what this spirit is that robs me of my +life; I'm only sure it's not Me and it's not good." + +"Whatever may be the matter with you, Mildred," said Lady Thomson, "it +can't possibly be that. I suppose you have suffered from loss of memory +again and it's upset your nerves. Why will people have nerves? I should +advise you to go to Norton-Smith at once." + +Milly's tears were flowing again but she managed to reply: + +"I've been to Dr. Norton-Smith, Aunt Beatrice. He doesn't seem to +understand." + +"He doesn't want to," interjected Tims, scornfully. "You don't suppose a +respectable English nerve-doctor wants to know anything about +psychology? They'd be interested in the case in France, or in the United +States, but they wouldn't be able to keep down Milly Number Two." + +"Then what use would they be to me?" asked Milly, despairingly. "I can +only trust in God; and He seems to have forsaken me." + +"No, no, my dear child!" cried Lady Thomson. "Don't talk in this painful +way. I can't imagine what you mean, Miss Timson. It all sounds +dreadfully mad." + +"I can explain the whole case to you perfectly," stated Tims, with eager +confidence. + +"I'd better go away," gasped Milly between her convulsive sobs. "I can't +bear any more. But Aunt Beatrice must know now. Tell her what you like, +only--only it isn't true." + +Milly fled to her bedroom; the long, low room, so perfect in its +simplicity, its windows looking away into the sunshine over the pleasant +boughs of orchards and garden-plots and the gray shingled roofs of old +houses--the room from which on that November evening Milly's spirit had +been absent while Ian, the lover whom she had never known, had watched +his Beloved, the Desire of his soul and sense, returning to him from the +unimagined limbo to which she had again withdrawn. + + + + +CHAPTER XX + + +When Ian came back from the Bodleian Library, where he was working, he +heard voices talking in raised tones before he entered the drawing-room. +He found no Milly there, but Lady Thomson and Miss Timson seated at the +extreme ends of the same sofa and engaged in a heated discussion. + +"It can't be true," Lady Thomson was stating firmly. "If it were, what +becomes of Personal Immortality?" + +Miss Timson had just time to convey the fact that Personal Immortality +was not the affair of a woman of science, before she rose to greet Ian, +which she did effusively. + +"Hullo!" he remarked, cheerfully, when her effusion was over. "No Milly +and no tea!" + +"We don't want either just yet," returned Lady Thomson. "I'm terribly +anxious about Mildred, Ian, and Miss Timson has not said anything to +make me less so. I want a sound, sensible opinion on the state of +her--her nerves." + +Ian's brow clouded. + +"Tell me frankly, do you notice so great a difference in her from time +to time, as to account for the positively insane delusion she has got +into her head?" + +"What do you mean, Aunt Beatrice?" asked Ian, shortly, sternly eying +Tims, whom he imagined to have let out the secret. + +"Mildred has made an extraordinary statement to me about not being the +same person now as she was in March. Of course I see she--well, she is +not so full of life as she was then. Yes, I do admit she is in a very +different mood. But do you know the poor unfortunate child has got it +into her head that she is possessed by an evil spirit? I can't think how +you could have allowed her to come to that state of--of mental +aberration, without doing anything." + +Ian was silent. He looked gaunt and sombrely dark in the low, +awning-shaded room, with its heavy beams and floor of wavelike +unevenness. + +"You'll have to put her under care next, if you don't take some steps. +Send her for a sea-voyage." + +"I'd take her myself if I thought it would do her any good," said Tims. +"But I'll lay my bottom dollar it wouldn't." + +"I'm afraid I think Miss Timson's view of the matter as insane as +Milly's," returned Lady Thomson, tartly. + +Ian lifted his bowed head and addressed Tims: + +"I should like to know exactly what your view of the matter is, Miss +Timson. We need not discuss poor Milly's; it's too absurd and also too +painful." + +"It's no doubt a case of disintegration of personality," replied Tims, +after a pause. "Somewhere inside our brains must be a nerve-centre +which co-ordinates most of our mental, our sensory and motor processes, +in such a manner as to produce consciousness, volition, what we call +personality. But after all there are always plenty of activities within +us going on independent of it. Your heart beats, your stomach +digests--even your memory works apart from your consciousness sometimes. +Now suppose some shock or strain enfeebles your centre of consciousness, +so that it ceases to be able to co-ordinate all the mental processes it +has been accustomed to superintend. What you call your personality is +the outcome of your memory and all your other faculties and tendencies +working together, checking and balancing each other. Suppose your centre +of consciousness so enfeebled; suppose at the same time an enfeeblement +of memory, causing you to completely forget external facts: certain of +your faculties and tendencies are left working and they are co-ordinated +without an important part of the memory, without many other faculties +and tendencies which checked and balanced them. Naturally you appear to +yourself and to every one else a totally different person; but it's not +a new personality really, it's only a bit of the old one which goes on +its own hook, while the rest is quiescent." + +"This is the most abominably materialistic theory of the human mind I +ever heard," exclaimed Lady Thomson, indignantly. "The most degrading to +our spiritual natures." + +Ian leaned against the high, carved mantel-piece and pushed back the +black hair from his forehead. + +"I'm not concerned with that," he replied, deliberately, discussing +this case so vitally near to him with an almost terrible calmness. "But +I can't feel that this disintegration theory altogether covers the +ground. There is no development of characteristics previously to be +found in Milly; on the contrary, the qualities of mind and character +which she exhibits when--when the change comes over her, are precisely +the opposite of those she exhibits in what I presume we ought to call +her normal state." + +"There must be some reason for it, old chap, you know," returned Tims; +"and it seems to me that's the line you've got to move along, unless +you're an idiot and go in for devils or spiritualistic nonsense." + +"I believe I've followed what you've been saying, Miss Timson," said +Lady Thomson, in her fullest tones; "and I can assure you I feel under +no necessity to become either a materialist or an idiot in consequence." + +Ian spoke again. + +"I don't profess to be scientific, but I do seem to see another possible +line, running parallel with yours, but not quite the same. It's evident +we can inherit faculties, characteristics, from our ancestors which +never become active in us; but we know they must have been present in us +in a quiescent state, because we can transmit them to children in whom +they become active. Mildred's father and mother, for example, are not +scholars, although her grandfather and great-grandfather were; yet in +one of her parents at least there must be a germ of the scholar's +faculty which has never been developed, because Mildred has inherited +it. Now why can't we develop all the faculties, the germs of which lie +within our borders? Perhaps because we have each only a certain amount +of what I'll call vital current. If the Nile could overflow the whole +desert it would all be fertilized, and perhaps if we had sufficient +vital force we could develop all the faculties whose germs we inherit. +Suppose by some accident, owing to a shock or strain, as you say, the +flow of this vital current of ours is stopped in the direction in which +it usually flows most strongly; its course is diverted and it fertilizes +tracts of our brain and nervous system which before have been lying +quiescent, sterile. If we lose the memory of our former lives, and if at +the same time hereditary faculties and tendencies, of the existence of +which we were unaware, suddenly become active in us, we are practically +new personalities. Then say the vital current resumes its old course; we +regain our memories, our old faculties, while the newly developed ones +sink again into quiescence. We are once more our old selves. No doubt +this is all very unscientific, but so far Science seems to have nothing +to say on the question." + +"It certainly has not," commented Lady Thomson, decisively. "I ought to +know what Science is, considering how often I've met Mr. Darwin and +Professor Huxley. Hypnotism and this kind of unpleasant talk is not +Science. It's only a new variety of the hocus-pocus that's been imposing +on human weakness ever since the world began. I'd sooner believe with +poor Milly that she's possessed by a devil. It's less silly to accept +inherited superstitions than to invent brand-new ones." + +"But we've got to account somehow for the extraordinary changes which +take place in Milly," sighed Ian, wearily. + +The light lines across his forehead were showing as furrows, and Tims's +whole face was corrugated. + +"No hocus-pocus about them, anyway," she said. + +"There's a great deal of fancy about them," retorted Lady Thomson. "A +nervous, imaginative man like you, Ian, ought to be on your guard +against allowing such notions to get hold of you. It's so easy to fancy +things are as you're afraid they may be, and then you influence Milly +and she goes from bad to worse. I think I may claim to understand her if +any one does, and all I see is that she gives way to moods. At first I +thought it was a steady development of character; but I admit that when +she is unwell and out of spirits, she becomes just her old timid, +over-conscientious self again. She's always been very easily influenced, +very dependent, and now--I hardly like to say such a thing of my own +niece--but I fear there's a touch of hysteria about her. I've always +heard that hysterical people, even when they've been perfectly frank and +truthful before, become deceitful and act parts till it's impossible to +tell fact from falsehood with regard to them. I would suggest your +letting Mildred come to me for a month or two, Ian. I feel sure I should +send her back to you quite cured of all this nonsense." + +At this point Milly came in. Ian stretched out his hand towards her with +protective tenderness; but even at the moment when his whole soul was +moved by an impulse of compassion so strong that it seemed almost love, +a spirit within him arose and mocked at all hypotheses, telling him that +this poor stricken wife of his, seemingly one with the lady of his +heart, was not she, but another. + +"Aunt Beatrice was just saying you ought to get away from domestic cares +for a month or two, Milly," he said, as cheerfully as he could. + +Lady Thomson explained. + +"What you want is a complete change; though I don't know what people +mean when they talk about 'domestic cares.' I should like to have you up +at Clewes for the rest of the Long. Ian can look after the baby." + +Milly smiled at her sweetly, but rather as though she were talking +nonsense. + +"It's very kind of you, Aunt Beatrice, but Ian and I have never been +parted for a day since we were married; I mean not when--and I don't +feel as though I could spare a minute of his company. And poor Baby, +too! Oh no! But of course it's very good of you to think of it." + +"Then you must all come to Clewes," decided Aunt Beatrice, after some +remonstrance. "That'll settle it." + +"But my work!" ejaculated Ian in dismay. "How am I to get on at Clewes, +away from the libraries?" + +"There are some things in life more important than books, Ian," returned +Lady Thomson. + +"But it won't do a penn'orth of good," broke in Tims, argumentatively. +"I don't pretend to have more than a working hypothesis, but whoever +else may prove to be right, Lady Thomson's on the wrong line." + +Lady Thomson surveyed her in silence; Ian took no notice of her remark. +He was looking before him with a sadness incomprehensible to the +uncreative man--to the man who has never dreamed dreams and seen +visions; with the sadness of one who just as the cloudy emanations of +his mind are beginning to take form and substance sees them scattered, +perhaps never again to reunite, by some cold breath from the relentless +outside world of circumstance. He made his renunciation in silence; +then, with a quiet smile, he turned to Lady Thomson and answered her. + +"You're very kind, Aunt Beatrice, and quite right. There are things in +life much more important than books." + + + + +CHAPTER XXI + + +So the summer went by; a hot summer, passed brightly enough to all +appearance in the spacious rooms and gardens of Clewes and in +expeditions among the neighboring fells. But to Ian it seemed rather an +anxious pause in life. His work was at a stand-still, yet whatever the +optimistic Aunt Beatrice might affirm, he could not feel that the shadow +was lifting from his wife's mind. To others she appeared cheerful in the +quiet, serious way that had always been hers, but he saw that her whole +attitude towards life, especially in her wistful, yearning tenderness +towards himself and Tony, was that of a woman who feels the stamp of +death to be set upon her. At night, lying upon his breast, she would +sometimes cling to him in an agony of desperate love, adjuring him to +tell her the truth as to that Other: whether he did not see that she was +different from his own Milly, whether it were possible that he could +love that mysterious being as he loved her, his true, loving wife. Ian, +who had been wont to hold stern doctrines as to the paramount obligation +of truthfulness, perjured himself again and again, and hoped the +Recording Angel dropped the customary tear. But, however deep the +perjury, before long he was sure to find himself obliged to renew it. + +To a man of his sensitive and punctilious nature the situation was +almost intolerable. The pity of this tender, innocent life, his care, +which seemed like some little inland bird, torn by the tempest from its +native fields and tossed out to be the plaything of an immense and +terrible ocean whose deeps no man has sounded! The pity of that other +life, so winged for shining flight, so armed for triumphant battle, yet +held down helpless in those cold ocean depths, and for pity's sake not +to be helped by so much as a thought! Yet from the thorns of his hidden +life he plucked one flower of comfort which to him, the philosopher, the +man of Abstract Thought, was as refreshing as a pious reflection would +be to a man of Religion. He had once been somewhat shaken by the dicta +of the modern philosophers who relegate human love to the plane of an +illness or an appetite. But where was the physical difference between +the woman he so passionately loved and the one for whom he had never +felt more than affection and pity? If from the strange adventure of his +marriage he had lost some certainties concerning the human soul, he had +gained the certainty that Love at least appertains to it. + +One hot afternoon Milly was writing her Australian letter under a +spreading ilex-tree on the lawn. Lady Thomson and Ian were sitting there +also; he reading the latest French novel, she making notes for a speech +she had to deliver shortly at the opening of a Girls' High School. + +It is sometimes difficult to find the right news for people who have +been for some years out of England, and Milly, in the languor of her +melancholy, had relaxed the excellent habit formed under Aunt Beatrice +of always keeping her mind to the subject in hand. She sat at the table +with one hand propping her chin, gazing dreamily at the bright +flower-beds on the lawn and the big, square, homely house, brightened by +its striped awnings. At length Aunt Beatrice looked up from her notes. + +"Mooning, Milly!" she exclaimed, in her full, agreeable voice. "Now I +suppose you'll be telling your father you havn't time to write him a +long letter." + +"Milly's not mooning; she's making notes, like you," Ian replied, for +his wife. + +Milly looked around at him in surprise, and then at her right hand. It +held a stylograph and had been resting on some scattered sheets of +foolscap that Ian had left there in the morning. She had certainly been +scrawling on it a little, but she was not aware of having written +anything. Yet the scrawl, partly on one sheet and partly on another, was +writing, very bad and broken, but still with a resemblance to her own +handwriting. She pored over it; then looked Ian in the eyes, her own +eyes large with a bewilderment touched with fear. + +"I--I don't know what it means," she said, in a low, anxious tone. + +"What's that?" queried Aunt Beatrice. "Can't read what you've written? +You remind me of our old writing-master at school, who used to say +tragically that he couldn't understand how it was that when that +happened to a man he didn't just take a gun and shoot himself. I +recommend you the pond, Mildred. It's more feminine." + +"Please don't talk to Milly like that," retorted Ian, not quite lightly. +"She always follows your advice, you know. It--it's only scrabbles." + +He had left his chair and was leaning over the table, completely +puzzled, first by Milly's terrified expression, then by what she had +written, illegibly enough, across the two sheets of foolscap. He made +out: "You are only miserab ..."--the words were interspersed with really +illegible scrawls--"... Go ... go ... Let me ... I want to live, I want +to ... Mild ..." + +Milly now wrote in her usual clear hand: "Who wrote that?" + +He scribbled with his pencil: "You." + +She replied in writing: "No. I know nothing about it." + +Lady Thomson had taken up the newspaper, a thing she never did except at +odd minutes, although she contrived to read everything in it that was +really worth reading. Folding it up and looking at her watch, she +exclaimed: + +"A quarter of an hour before the carriage is round! Now don't go +dawdling there, young people, and keep it standing in the sun." + +Milly stood up and gathered her writing-materials together. Aunt +Beatrice's tall figure, its stalwart handsomeness disguised in uncouth +garments, passed with its usual vigorous gait across the burning +sunlight on the lawn and broad gravel walk, to disappear under the +awning of a French window. Milly, very pale, had closed her eyes and her +hands were clasped. She trembled, but her voice and expression were calm +and even resolute. + +"The evil spirit is trying to get possession of me in another way now," +she said. "But with God's help I shall be able to resist it." + +Ian too was pale and disturbed. It was to him as though he had suddenly +heard a beloved voice calling faintly for help. + +"It's only automatic writing, dear," he replied. "You may not have been +aware you were writing, but it probably reflects something in your +thoughts." + +"It does not," returned she, firmly. "However miserable I may sometimes +be, I could never wish to give up a moment of my life with you, my own +husband, or to leave you and our child to the influence of this--this +being." + +She stretched out her arms to him. + +"Please hold me, Ian, and will as I do, that I may resist this horrible +invasion. I have a feeling that you can help me." + +He hesitated. "I, darling? But I don't believe--" + +She approached him, and took hold of him urgently, looking him in the +eyes. + +"Won't you do it, husband dear? Please, for my sake, even if you don't +believe, promise you'll will to keep me here. Will it, with all your +might!" + +What madness it was, this fantastic scene upon the well-kept lawn, under +the square windows of the sober, opulent North Country house! And the +maddest part of it all was the horrible reluctance he felt to comply +with his wife's wish. He seemed to himself to pause noticeably before +answering her with a meaningless half-laugh: + +"Of course I'll promise anything you like, dear." + +He put his arms around her and rested his face upon her golden head. + +"Will!" she whispered, and the voice was one of command rather than of +appeal. "Will! You have promised." + +He willed as she commanded him. + +The triple madness of it! He did not believe--and yet it seemed to him +that the being he loved best in all the world was struggling up from +below, calling to him for help from her tomb; and he was helping her +enemy to hold down the sepulchral stone above her. He put his hand to +his brow, and the sweat stood upon it. + +Aunt Beatrice's masculine foot crunched the gravel. She stood there +dressed and ready for the drive, beckoning them with her parasol. They +came across the lawn holding each other by the hand, and Milly's face +was calm, even happy. Aunt Beatrice smiled at them broadly with her +large, handsome mouth and bright brown eyes. + +"What, not had enough of spooning yet, you foolish young people! The +carriage will be round in one minute, and Milly won't be ready." + + + + +CHAPTER XXII + + +There is a joy in the return of every season, though the return of +spring is felt and celebrated beyond the rest. The gay flame dancing on +the hearth where lately all was blackness, the sense of immunity from +the "wrongs and arrows" of the skies and their confederate earth, the +concentration of the sense upon the intimate charms which four walls can +contain, bring to civilized man consolation for the loss of summer's +lavish warmth and beauty. Children are always sensible of these opening +festivals of the seasons, but many mature people enjoy without realizing +them. + +To Mildred the world was again new, and she looked upon its most +familiar objects with the delighted eyes of a traveller returning to a +favorite foreign country. So she did not complain because when she had +left the earth it had been hurrying towards the height of June, and she +had returned to find the golden boughs of October already stripped by +devastating winds. The flames leaped merrily under the great carved +mantel-piece in her white-panelled drawing-room, showing the date 1661, +and the initials of the man who had put it there, and on its narrow +shelf a row of Chelsea figures which she had picked up in various +corners of Oxford. The chintz curtains were drawn around the bay-window +and a bright brass _scaldino_ stood in it, filled with the yellows and +red-browns, the silvery pinks and mauves of chrysanthemums. The ancient +charm, the delicate harmony of the room, in which every piece of +furniture, every picture, every ornament, had been chosen with an +exactness of taste seldom found in the young, made it more pleasurable +to a cultivated eye than the gilded show drawing-rooms into which wealth +too commonly crowds a medley of incongruous treasures and costly +nullities. + +It was a free evening for Ian, and as it was but the second since the +Desire of his Eyes had returned to him, his gaze followed her movements +in a contented silence, as she wandered about the room in her slight +grace, the whiteness of her skin showing through the transparency of a +black dress, which, although it was old, Milly would have thought +unsuitable for a domestic evening. When everything was just where it +should be, she returned to the fire and sank into a chair thoughtfully. + +"How I should like some rides," she said; "but I suppose I can't have +them, not unless Maxwell Davison's still in Oxford." + +Ian's face clouded. + +"He's not," he returned, shortly; and knocked the ashes out of his pipe, +hesitating as to how he should put what he had to say about Maxwell +Davison. + +Mildred put her hand over her eyes and leaned back in her chair. +Suddenly the silence was broken by a burst of rippling laughter. Ian +started; his own thoughts had not been so diverting. + +"What's the joke, Mildred?" + +"Oh, Ian, don't you know? Max made love to Milly and she--she bit him! +Wasn't it frightfully funny?" She laughed again, with a more inward +enjoyment. + +"I didn't know you bit him, although he richly deserved it; but of +course I knew he made love to you. How do you know?" + +"It came to me just now in a sort of flash. I seemed to see him--to see +her, floundering out of the canoe; and both of them in such a towering +rage. It really was too funny." + +Ian's face hardened. + +"I am afraid I can't see the joke of a man making love to my wife." + +"You old stupid! He'd never have dared to behave like that to me; but +Milly's such an ass." + +"Milly was frightened, shocked, as any decent woman would be to whom +such a thing happened. She certainly didn't encourage Maxwell; but she +found an appointment already made for her to go on the river with him. +No doubt she took an exaggerated view of her--of your--good God, +Mildred, what am I to say?--well, of your relations with him." + +Mildred had closed her eyes. A strange knowledge of things that had +passed during her suppression was coming to her in glimpses. + +"I know," she returned, in a kind of wonder at her own knowledge. +"Absurd! But Max did behave abominably. I couldn't have believed it of +him, even with that silly little baa-lamb. Of course she couldn't manage +him. She won't be able to manage Tony long." + +"Please don't speak of--of your other self in that way, Mildred. You're +very innocent of the world in both your selves, and you must have been +indiscreet or it would never have occurred to Maxwell to make love to +you." + +Ian was actually frowning, his lips were tight and hard, the clear +pallor of his cheek faintly streaked with red. Mildred, leaning forward, +looked at him, interested, her round chin on her hands. + +"Are you angry, Ian? I really believe you are. Is it with me?" + +"No, not with you. But of course I'm angry when I think of a fellow like +that, my own cousin, a man who has been a guest in my house over and +over again, being cad enough to make love to my wife." + +Mildred was smiling quietly to herself. + +"How primitive you are, Ian!" she said. "I suppose men are primitive +when they're angry. I don't mind, but it does seem funny _you_ should +be." + +He looked at her, surprised. + +"Primitive? What do you mean?" + +"What difference does it make, Max being your cousin, you silly old boy? +You'd hardly ever seen him till last winter. Clans aren't any use to us +now, are they? And when a man's got a house of his own, as Max had, or +even a hotel, why should he be so grateful as all that for a few decent +meals? He's not in the desert, depending on you for food and protection. +Anyhow, it seems curious to expect him to weigh little things like that +in the balance against what is always said to be such a very strong +feeling as a man's love for a woman." + +Men often deplore that they have failed in their attempts fundamentally +to civilize Woman. They would use stronger language if Woman often made +attempts fundamentally to civilize them. + +"Please don't look at me like that," Mildred said, tremulously, after a +pause. And the tears rushed to her eyes. + +Ian's face softened, as leaning against the tall white mantel-piece he +looked down and met the tear-bright gaze of his beloved. + +"Poor sweetheart!" he exclaimed. "You're just a child for all your +cleverness, and you don't half understand what you're talking about. But +listen to me--" He kneeled before her, bringing their heads almost on a +level. "I won't have any more affairs like this of Maxwell's. I dare say +it was as much my fault as yours, but it mustn't happen again." + +She dabbed away two tears that hung on her eyelashes, and looked at him +with such a bright alluring yet elusive smile as might have flitted +across the face of Ariel. + +"How can I help it if Milly flirts? I don't believe I can help it if I +do myself. But I can tell you this, Ian--yes, really--" Her soft white +arms went about his neck. "I've never seen a man yet who was a patch +upon you for cleverness and handsomeness and goodness and +altogetherness. No! You really are the very nicest man I ever saw!" + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII + + +In spite of the deepening dislike between the two egos which struggled +for the possession of Mildred Stewart's bodily personality, they had a +common interest in disguising the fact of their dual existence. Yet the +transformation never occurred without producing its little harvest of +inconveniences, and the difficulty of disguising the difference between +the two was the greater because of the number of old acquaintances and +friends of Milly Flaxman living in Oxford. + +This was one reason why, when Ian was offered the headship of the +Merchants' Guild College in London, Mildred encouraged him to take it. +The income, too, seemed large in comparison to their Oxford one; and the +great capital, with its ever-roaring surge of life, drew her with a +natural magnetism. The old Foundation was being reconstructed, and was +ambitious of adorning itself with a name so distinguished as Ian +Stewart's, while at the same time obtaining the services of a man with +so many of his best years still before him. Stewart, although he could +do fairly well in practical administration, if he gave his mind to it, +had won distinction as a student and man of letters, and feared that, +difficult as it was to combine the real work of his life with +bread-and-butter-making in Oxford, it would be still more difficult to +combine it with steering the ship of the Merchants' Guild College. But +he had the sensitive man's defect of too often deferring to the judgment +of others, less informed or less judicious than himself. He found it +impossible to believe that the opinion of the Master of Durham was not +better than his own; and his old friend and tutor was strongly in favor +of his accepting the headship. His most really happy and successful +years had been those later ones in which he had shone as the Head of the +most brilliant College in Oxford, a man of affairs and, in his +individual way, a social centre. Accordingly he found it impossible to +believe that it might be otherwise with Ian Stewart. The majority of +Ian's most trusted advisers were of the same opinion as the Master, +since the number of persons who can understand the conditions necessary +to the productiveness of exceptional and creative minds is always few. +Besides, most people at bottom are in Martha's attitude of scepticism +towards the immaterial service of the world. + +Lady Thomson voiced the general opinion in declaring that a man could +always find time to do good work if he really wanted to do it. She +rejoiced when Ian put aside the serious doubts which beset him and +accepted the London offer. Mildred also rejoiced, although she regretted +much that she must leave behind her, and in particular the old panelled +house. + +This was, however, the one part of Oxford that Milly did not grieve to +have lost, when she awoke once more from long months of sleep, to find +herself in a new home. For she had grown to be silently afraid of the +old house, with the great chimney-stacks like hollowed towers within it, +made, it seemed, for the wind to moan in; its deep embrasures and +panelling, that harbored inexplicable sounds; its ancient boards that +creaked all night as if with the tread of mysterious feet. Awake in the +dark hours, she fancied there were really footsteps, really knockings, +movements, faint sighs passing outside her door, and that some old +wicked life which should long since have passed away through the portals +of the grave, clung to those ancient walls with a horrible tenacity, +still refusing the great renunciation of death. + +It was true that in the larger, more hurried world of London it was +easier to dissimulate her transformations than it had been in Oxford. +The comparative retirement in which Milly lived was easily explained by +her delicate health. It seemed as though in her sojourns--which more and +more encroached upon those of the original personality--the strong, +intrusive ego consumed in an unfair degree the vitality of their common +body, leaving Milly with a certain nervous exhaustion, a languor against +which she struggled with a pathetic courage. She learned also to cover +with a seldom broken silence the deep wound which was ever draining her +young heart of its happiness; and for that very reason it grew deeper +and more envenomed. + +That Ian should love her evil and mysterious rival as though they two +were really one was horrible to her. Even her child was not unreservedly +her own, to bring up according to her own ideas, to love without fear of +that rival. Tony was like his father in the sweetness of his +disposition, as well as in his dark beauty, and he accented with +surprising resignation the innumerable rules and regulations which Milly +set about his path and about his bed. But although he was healthy, his +nerves were highly strung, and it seemed as though her feverish anxiety +for his physical, moral, and intellectual welfare reacted upon him and +made him, after a few weeks of her influence, less vigorous in +appearance, less gay and boylike than he was during her absence. Ian +dared not hint a preference for the animal spirits that Mildred +encouraged, with their attendant noise and nonsense, considered by Milly +so undesirable. But one day Tims observed, cryptically, that "A watched +boy never boils"; and Emma, the nurse, told Mrs. Stewart bluntly that +she thought Master Tony wasn't near so well and bright when he was +always being looked after, as he was when he was let go his own way a +bit, like other children. Then a miserable fear beset Milly lest the +boy, too, should notice the change in his mother; lest he should look +forward to the disappearance of the woman who loved him so passionately, +watched over him with such complete devotion, and in his silent heart +regret, invoke, that other. It was at once soothing and bitter to her to +be assured by Ian and by Tims that they had never been able to discover +the least sign that Tony was aware when the change occurred between the +two personalities of his mother. + +Two years passed in London, two years out of which the original owner +enjoyed a total share of only nine months; and this, indeed, she could +not truly have been said to have enjoyed, since happiness was far from +her. Death would have been a sad but simple catastrophe, to be met with +resignation to the will of God. What resignation could be felt before +this gradual strangulation of her being at the hands of a nameless yet +surely Evil Thing? Her love for Ian was so great that his sufferings +were more to her than her own, and in the space of those two years she +saw that on him, too, sorrow had set its mark. The glow of his good +looks and the brilliancy of his mind were alike dulled. It was not only +that his shoulders were bent, his hair thinned and touched with gray, +but his whole appearance, once so individual, was growing merely +typical; that of the middle-aged Academic, absorbed in the cares of his +profession. His real work was not merely at a stand-still, but a few +more such years and his capacity for it would be destroyed. She felt +this vaguely, with the intuition of love. If the partnership had been +only between him and her, he surely would have yielded to her prayer to +give up the headship of the Merchants' Guild College after a set term; +but he put the question by. Evidently that Other, who cared for nothing +but her own selfish interests and amusements, who spent upon them the +money that he ought to be saving, would never allow him to give up his +appointment unless something better offered. It was not only her own +life, it was the higher and happier part of his that she was struggling +to save in those desperate hours when she sought around her for some +weapon wherewith to fight that mortal foe. She turned to priests, +Anglican, Roman Catholic; but they failed her. Both believed her to be +suffering under an insane delusion, but the Roman Catholic priest would +have attempted to exorcise the evil spirit if she would have joined his +Communion. She was too honest to pretend to a belief that was not hers. + +When she returned from her last vain pilgrimage to the Church of the +Sacred Heart and stood before the glass, removing a thick black veil +from the pale despair of her face, she was suddenly aware of a strange, +unfamiliar smile lifting the drooped lines of her lips--an elfish smile +which transformed her face to something different from her own. And +immediately those smiling lips uttered words that fell as unexpectedly +on her ears as though they had proceeded from the mouth of another +person. + +"Never mind," they said, briskly. "It wouldn't have been of the least +use." + +For a minute a wild terror made her brain swim and she fled to the door, +instinctively seeking protection; but she stayed herself, remembering +that Ian, who was sleeping badly at night, was now asleep in his study. +Weak and timid though she was, she would lay no fresh burden on him, but +fight her battle, if battle there was to be, alone. + +She walked back deliberately to the glass and looked steadily at her +own reflection. Her brows were frowning, her eyes stern as she had never +before seen them, but they were assuredly hers, answering to the mood of +her own mind. Her lips were cold, and trembled so that although she had +meant solemnly to defy the Power of Evil within her she was unable to +articulate. As she looked in the glass and saw herself--her real +self--so evidently there, the strange smile, the speech divorced from +all volition of hers which had crossed her lips, began to lose reality. +Still her lips trembled, and at length a convulsion shook them as +irresistible as that of a sob. Words broke stammeringly out which were +not hers: + +"Struggle for life--the stronger wins. I'm stronger. It's no use +struggling--no use--no use--no use!" + +Milly pressed her lips hard against her teeth with her hands, stopping +this utterance by main force. Her heart hammered so loud it seemed as +though some one must hear it and come to ask what was the matter. But no +one came. She was left alone with the Thing within her. + +It may have been a long while, it may have been only a few seconds that +she remained standing at her dressing-table, her hands pressed hard +against her convulsed mouth. She had closed her eyes, afraid to look +longer in the glass, lest something uncanny should peer out of it. She +did not pray--she had prayed so often before--but she fought with her +whole strength against the encroaching power of the Other. At length she +gradually released her lips. They were bruised, but they had ceased to +move. It was she herself who spoke, low but clearly and with +deliberation: + +"I shall struggle. I shall never give in. You think you're the stronger. +I won't let you be. I'm fighting for my husband's happiness--do you +hear?--as well as my own. You're strong, but we shall be stronger, he +and I, in the end." + +There was no answer, the sense of struggle was gone from her; and +suddenly she felt how mad it was to be talking to herself like that in +an empty room. She took off the little black toque which sat on her +bright head with an alien smartness to which she was now accustomed, and +forced herself to look in the glass while she pinned up a stray lock of +hair. Beyond an increased pallor and darker marks under her eyes, she +saw nothing unusual in her appearance. + +It was five o'clock, and Ian would probably be awake and wanting his +tea. She went softly into the study and leaned over him. Sleep had +almost smoothed away the lines of effort and worry which had marred the +beauty of his face; in the eyes of her love he was always the same +handsome Ian Stewart as in the old Oxford days, when he had seemed as a +young god, so high above her reach. + +She went to an oak table behind the sofa, on which the maid had set the +tea-things without awakening him, and sat there quietly watching the +kettle. The early London twilight began to veil the room. Ian stirred on +the sofa and sat up, with his back to her, unconscious of her presence. +She rose, vaguely supposing herself about to address some gentle word +to him. Then suddenly she had thrown one soft hand under his chin and +one across his eyes, and with a _brusquerie_ quite unnatural to her +pulled him backwards, while a ripple of laughter so strange as to be +shocking in her own ears burst from her lips, which cried aloud with a +defiant gayety: + +"Who, Ian? Guess!" + +Ian, with a sudden force as strange to her as her own laughter, her own +gay cry, pulled her hands away, held them an instant fast; then, +kneeling on the sofa, he caught her in his long arms across the back of +it, and after the pressure of a kiss upon her lips such as she had never +felt before, breathed with a voice of unutterable gladness: "Mildred! +Darling! Dearest love!" + +A hoarse cry, almost a shriek, broke from the lips of Milly. The woman +he held struggled from his arms and stared at him wildly in the veiling +twilight. A strange horror fell upon him, and for several seconds he +remained motionless, leaning over the back of the sofa. Then, groping +towards the wall, he switched on the electric light. He saw it plainly, +the white mask of a woman smitten with a mortal blow. + +"Milly," he uttered, stammeringly. "What's the matter? You are ill." + +She turned on him her heart-broken look, then pressing her hand to her +throat, spoke as though with difficulty. + +"I love you very much--you don't know how much I love you. I've tried +so hard to be a good wife to you." + +Ian perceived catastrophe, yet dimly; sought with desperate haste to +remember why for a moment he had believed that that Other was come back; +what irreparable thing he had said or done. + +Meantime he must say something. "Milly, dear! What's gone wrong? What +have I done, child?" + +"You've let her take you--" She spoke more freely now, but with a +startling fierceness--"You've let her take you from me." + +"Ah, the old trouble! My poor Milly! I know it's terrible for you. I can +only say that no one else really exists; that you are always you +really." + +"That's not true. You don't believe it yourself. That wicked creature +has made you love her--her own wicked way. You want to have her instead +of me; you want to destroy your own wife and to get her back again." + +The cruel, ultimate truth that Milly's words laid bare--the truth which +he constantly refused to look upon, in mercy to himself and +her--paralyzed the husband's tongue. He tried to approach her with vague +words and gestures of affection and remonstrance, but she motioned him +from her. + +"No. Don't say you love me; I can't believe it, and I hate to hear you +say what's not true." + +For a moment the fierce heart of Primitive Woman had blazed up within +her--that fire which all the waters of baptism fail to quench. But the +flame died down as suddenly as it had arisen, and appealing with +outspread hands, as to some invisible judge, she wailed, miserably: + +"Oh, what am I to do--what am I to do? I love you so much, and it's all +no use." + +Ian was as white as herself. + +"Milly, my poor girl, don't break our hearts." + +He stretched his arms towards her, but she turned away from him towards +the door, made a few steps, then stopped and clutched her throat. He +thought her struggling with sobs; but when once more, as though in fear, +she turned her face towards him, he saw it strangely convulsed. He moved +towards her in an alarmed silence, but before he could reach her and +catch her in his arms, her head drooped, she swayed once upon her feet, +and fell heavily to the ground. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV + + +"Now be reasonable Tims. You can be if you choose." + +Mildred was perched on a high stool in Tims's Chambers, breathing spring +from a bunch of fresh Neapolitan violets, grown by an elderly admirer of +hers, and wearing her black, winter toque and dress with that invincible +air of smartness which she contrived to impart to the oldest clothes, +provided they were of her own choosing. Tims, who from her face and +attitude might have been taken for a victim of some extreme and secret +torture, crouched, balancing herself on the top rail of her fender. She +replied only by a horrible groan. + +"Who do you suppose is the happier when Milly comes back?" continued +Mildred. + +"Well--the brat." + +"Tony? He doesn't even know when she's there; but by the time she's done +with him he's unnaturally good. He can't like that, can he?" + +"Then there's Ian, good old boy!" + +"That's humbug. You know it is." + +"But it's Milly herself I really care about," cried Tims. "You've been a +pig to her, Mil. She says you're a devil, and if I weren't a scientific +woman I swear I should begin to believe there was something in it." + +"No, Tims, dear," returned Mildred with earnestness. "I'm neither a pig +nor a devil." She paused. "Sometimes I think I've lived before, some +quite different life from this. But I suppose you'll say that's all +nonsense." + +"Of course it is--rot," commented Tims, sternly. "You're a physiological +freak, that's what you are. You're nothing but Milly all the time, and +you ought to be decent to her." + +"I don't want to hurt her anyhow," apologized Mildred; "but you see when +I'm only half there--well, I am only half there. I'm awfully rudimentary +and I can't grasp anything except that I'm being choked, squeezed out of +existence, and that I must make a fight for my life. Any woman becomes +rudimentary who is fighting for her life against another woman; only +I've more excuse for it, because as a scientist you must see that I can +only be in very partial possession of my brain." + +Tims had pulled her wig down over her eyes and glared at space. "That's +all very well for you," she said; "but why should I help you to kill +poor old M.?" + +"Do try and understand! Every time she comes back she's more and more +miserable; and that's not cheerful for Ian either, is it? Now, through +that underhand trick of rudimentary Me--you see I don't try to hide my +horrid ways--she knows Ian adores me and, comparatively speaking, +doesn't care two straws about her. That will make her more miserable +than she has ever been before. She'll only want to live so that I +mayn't." + +"I don't see how Ian's going to get on without her. _You_ don't do much +for him, my girl, except spend his money." + +"Of course, that's quite true. I'm not in the least suited to Ian or his +life or his income; but that's not my fault. How perverse men are! +Always in love with the wrong women, aren't they?" + +Tims's countenance relaxed and she replied with a slight air of +importance: + +"My opinion of men has been screwed up a peg lately. Every now and then +you do find one who's got too much sense for any rot of that kind." + +Mildred continued. + +"Ian's perfectly wretched at what happened; can't understand it, of +course. He doesn't say much, but I can see he dreads explanations with +Milly. He's good at reserve, but no good at lies, poor old dear, and +just think of all the straight questions she'll ask him! It'll be +torture to both of them. Poor Milly! I've no patience with her. Why +should she want to live? Life's no pleasure to her. She's known a long +time that Tony's really jollier and better with me, and now she knows +Ian doesn't want her. How can you pretend to think Milly happy, Tims? +Hasn't she said things to you?" + +"Yes," groaned Tims. "Poor old M.! She's pretty well down on her luck, +you bet." + +"And I enjoy every minute of my life, although I could find plenty to +grumble at if I liked. Listen to me, Tims. How would it be to strike a +bargain? Let me go on without any upsets from Milly until I'm forty. I'm +sure I sha'n't care what happens to me at forty. Then Milly may have +everything her own way. What would it matter to her? She likes to take +time by the forelock and behaves already as though she were forty. I +feel sure you could help me to keep her quiet if only you chose." + +"If I chose to meddle at all, I should be much more likely to help her +to come back," returned Tims, getting snappish. + +"Alas! I fear you would, Tims, dear, in spite of knowing it would only +make her miserable. That shows, doesn't it, how unreasonable even a +distinguished scientific woman can be?" + +This aspersion on Tims's reasoning powers had to be resented and the +resentment to be soothed. And the soothing was so effectually done that +Tims owned to herself afterwards there was some excuse for Ian's +infatuation. + +But Tims had no desire to meddle, and the months passed by without any +symptoms of the change appearing. It seemed as if Mildred's hold upon +life had never been so firm, the power of her personality never so fully +developed. She belonged to a large family which in all its branches had +a trick of throwing up successful men and brilliant women. But in +reaction against Scottish clannishness, it held little together, and in +the two houses whence Mildred was launched on her London career, she +had no nursery reputation of Milly's with which to contend. + +One of these houses was that of her cousin, Sir Cyril Meres, a +fashionable painter with a considerable gift for art, and more for +success--success social and financial. His beautiful house, stored with +wonderful collections, had a reputation, and was frequented by every one +of distinction in the artistic or intellectual world--by those of the +world of wealth and rank who were interested in such matters, and the +yet larger number who affected to be interested in them. For those +Anglo-Saxon deities, Mammon and Snobbery, who have since conquered the +whole civilized globe, had temporarily fallen back for a fresh spring, +and in the eighties and early nineties Culture was reckoned very nearly +as _chic_ as motoring in the first years of the new century. + +Several painters of various degrees of talent attempted to fix on canvas +the extraordinary charm of Mrs. Stewart's appearance. Not one of them +succeeded; but the peculiar shade of her hair, the low forehead and +delicate line of the dark eyebrows, the outline of the mask, sometimes +admired, sometimes criticised, made her portrait always recognized, +whether simpering as a chocolate-box classicality, smiling sadly from +the flowery circle of the Purgatorio, or breaking out of some rough mass +of paint with the provocative leer of a _cocotte_ of the Quartier Latin. + +The magnetism of her personality defied analysis, as her essential +beauty defied the painter's art. It was a magnetism which surrounded her +with an atmosphere of adorations, admirations, enmities--all equally +violent and irrational. Her wit had little to do with the making of her +enemies, because it was never used in offence against friends or even +harmless acquaintances; only against her foes she employed it with the +efficiency and mercilessness of a red Indian wielding the tomahawk. + +The other family where she found her niche awaiting her was of a +different order. It was that of the retired Indian judge, Sir John +Ireton, whose wife had chaperoned her through a Commemoration the summer +she had taken her First in Greats. Ireton was not only in Parliament, +but his house was a meeting-place where politicians cemented personal +ties and plotted party moves. Milly in her brief appearances, had been +of use to Lady Ireton, but Mildred proved socially invaluable. There +were serious persons who suspected Mrs. Stewart of approaching politics +in a flippant spirit; but on certain days she had revealed a grave and +ardent belief in the dogmas of the party and a piety of attitude towards +the person of its great apostle, which had convinced them that she was +not really cynical or frivolous. + +Lady Augusta Goring was the most important conquest of the kind Milly +had made. She was the only child of the Marquis of Ipswich, and one of +those rather stupid people whose energy of mind and character is often +mistaken by themselves and others for cleverness. Lady Augusta was +handsome in a dull, massive way, and so conscientious that she had +seldom time to smile. Her friends said she would smile oftener if her +husband caused her less anxiety; but considering who George Goring was +and how he had been brought up, he might have been much worse. Where +women were concerned, scandal had never accused him of anything more +flagrant than dubious flirtations. It was his political intrigues, +constantly threatening unholy _liaisons_ in the most unthinkable +directions; his sudden fits of obstinate idleness, often occurring at +the very moment when some clever and promising political scheme of his +own was ripe for execution, which so unendurably harassed the staid +Marquis and the earnest Lady Augusta. They were highly irritating, too, +to Sir John Ireton, who had believed himself at one time able to tame +and tutor the tricksy young politician. + +The late Lord Ipswich had been a "sport" in the Barthop family; a black +sheep, but clever, and a well known collector. Accidental circumstances +had greatly enriched him, and as he detested his brother and successor, +he had left his pictures to the nation and all of his fortune which he +could dispose of--which happened to be the bulk--to his natural son, +George Goring. But his will had not been found for some weeks after his +death, and while the present Marquis had believed himself the inheritor +of the whole property, he had treated the nameless and penniless child +of his brother with perfect delicacy and generosity. When George Goring +found himself made rich at the expense of his uncle, he proposed to his +cousin Lady Augusta and was accepted. + +Mildred was partly amused and partly bored to discover herself on so +friendly a footing with Lady Augusta. Putting herself into that passive +frame of mind in which revelations of Milly's past actions were most +often vouchsafed to her, she saw herself type-writing in a small, +high-ceilinged room looking out on a foggy London park, and Lady Augusta +seated at a neighboring table, surrounded by papers. Type-writing was +not then so common as it is now, and Milly had learned the art in order +to give assistance to Ian. Mildred was annoyed to find herself in danger +of having to waste her time in a mechanical occupation which she +detested, or else of offending a woman whom her uncle valued as a friend +and political ally. + +It was a slight compensation to receive an invitation to accompany the +Iretons to a great ball at Ipswich House. There was no question of Ian +accompanying her. He was usually too tired to care for going out in the +evening and went only to official dinners and to the houses of old +friends, or of people with whom he had educational connections. It did +not occur to him that it might be wise to put a strain upon himself +sometimes, to lay by his spectacles, straighten his back, have his beard +trimmed and appear at Mildred's side in the drawing-rooms where she +shone, looking what he was--a husband of whom she had reason to be +proud. More and more engrossed by his own work and responsibilities, he +let her drift into a life quite apart from his, content to see her world +from his own fireside, in the sparkling mirror of her talk. + +Ipswich House was a great house, if of little architectural merit, and +the ball had all the traditional spectacular splendor common to such +festivities. The pillared hall and double staircase, the suites of +spacious rooms, were filled with a glittering kaleidoscopic crowd of +fair and magnificently bejewelled women and presumably brave, certainly +well-groomed and handsome men. The excellence of the music, the masses +of flowers, the number of great names and well-advertised society +beauties present, would subsequently provide material for long and +eulogistic paragraphs in the half-penny press and the Ladies' Weeklies. + +Mildred enjoyed it as a spectacle rather than as a ball, for she knew +few people there, and the young political men whom she had met at her +uncle's parties were too much engaged with ladies of more importance, to +whom they were related or to whom they owed social attention, to write +their names more than once on her programme. One of these, however, +asked her if she had noticed how harassed both Lord Ipswich and Lady +Augusta looked. Goring's speech, he said, at the Fothering by-election +was reported and commented upon in all the papers, and had given +tremendous offence to the leaders of his party; while the fact that he +had not turned up in time for the ball must be an additional cross to +his wife, who made such a firm stand against the social separation of +married couples. + +When Mildred returned to her uncle she found him the centre of a group +of eminent politicians, all denouncing in more or less subdued tones the +outrageous utterances and conduct of Goring, and most declaring that +only consideration for Lord Ipswich and Lady Augusta prevented them from +publicly excommunicating the hardened offender. Others, however, while +admitting the outrage, urged that he was too brilliant a young man to be +lightly thrown away, and advised patience, combined with the +disciplinary rod. Sir John was of the excommunicatory party. Later in +the evening he disappeared into some remote smoking or card-room, not so +much forgetting his niece as taking it for granted that she was, as +usual, surrounded by friends and admirers of both sexes. But a detached +personality, however brilliant, is apt to be submerged in such a crowd +of social eminences, bound together by ties of blood, of interests, and +of habit, as filled the salons of Ipswich House. Mildred walked around +the show contentedly enough for a time, receiving a smile here and a +pleasant word there from such of her acquaintances as she chanced upon, +but practically alone. And being alone, she found herself yielding to a +vulgar envy of richer women's clothes and jewels. Her dress, with which +she had been pleased, looked ordinary beside the creations of great +Parisian _ateliers_, and the few old paste ornaments which were the only +jewels she possessed, charming as they were, seemed dim and scant among +the crowns and constellations of diamonds that surrounded her. Her pride +rebelled against this envy, but could not conquer it. + +More gnawing pangs, however, assailed her presently, the pangs of +hunger; and no one offered to take her in to supper. The idea of taking +herself in was revolting; she preferred starvation. But where could +Uncle John have hidden himself? She sought the elderly truant with all +the suppressed annoyance of a chaperon seeking an inconsiderate flirt of +a girl. And it happened that a spirit in her feet led her to the door of +a small room in which Milly and Lady Augusta had been wont to transact +their business. A curious feeling of familiarity, of physical habit, +caused her to open the big mahogany door. There was no air of public +festivity about the room, which was furnished with a substantial, almost +shabby masculine comfort. But oh, tantalizing spectacle! Under the +illumination of a tall, crimson-shaded, standard lamp, stood a little, +white-covered table, reminding her irresistibly of a little table in a +fairy story, which the due incantation causes to rise out of the ground. +A small silver-gilt tureen of soup smoked upon it and a little pile of +delicate rolls lay beside the plate set for one. But alas! she might +not, like the favored girl in the fairy story, proceed without ceremony +to satisfy her hunger at the mysterious little table. + +A door immediately opposite that of the small sitting-room opened +noiselessly, and a young man entered with a light, quick step. He saw +Mildred, but for a second or so she did not see him. He was at her side +when she looked around and their eyes met. They had never seen each +other before, but at that meeting of the eyes a curious feeling, such as +two Europeans might experience, meeting in the heart of some dark +continent, affected them both. + +There was something picturesque about the young man's appearance, in +spite of the impeccable cut and finish of his dress-suit and the waxed +ends of his small blond mustache. His hair was of a ruddy nut-brown +color, and had a wave in it; his bright hazel eyes seemed exactly to +match it. His face had a fine warm pallor, and his under lip, which with +his chin was somewhat thrust forward, was redder than the lip of a +child. It was perhaps this noticeable coloring and something in his port +which made him, in spite of the correct modernity of his dress, suggest +some seventeenth-century portrait. + +"Forgive my passing you," he said, at length; "but I'm starving." + +"So am I," she returned, hardly aware of what she was saying. Some +strange, almost hypnotic attraction seemed to rivet her whole attention +on the mere phenomenon of this man. + +"By Jove! Aren't they feeding the multitude down there?" he asked, +nodding in the direction of the supper-room. + +"Of course," she answered, with the simple gravity of a child, her blue +eyes still fixed upon him. "But I can't ask for supper for myself, can +I?" + +Her need was distinctly material; yet the young man confronting her +white grace, the strange look in her blue eyes, had a dreamlike feeling, +almost as though he had met a dryad or an Undine between two of the +prosaic, substantial doors of Ipswich House. And as in a dream the most +extraordinary things seem familiar and expected, so the apparition of +the Undine and her confidence in him seemed familiar, in fact just what +he had been expecting during those hours of fog off the Goodwins, when +the sirens, wild voices gathering up from all the seas of the world, had +been screaming to each other across the hidden waters. That same inner +concentration upon the mere phenomenon of a presence, an existence, +which had given the childlike note to Mildred's speech, froze a +compliment upon his lips; and they stood silent, eying each other +gravely. A junior footman appeared, carrying a bottle of champagne in a +bucket, and the young man addressed him in a vague, distracted tone, +very unlike his usual manner. + +"Look here, Arthur, here's a lady who can't get any supper." + +The footman went quite pink at this personal reproach. He happened to +have heard some one surmise, on seeing Mildred roaming about alone, that +she was a newspaper woman. + +"Please sir," he replied, "I don't know how it's happened, for her +Ladyship told Mr. Mackintosh to be sure and see as the newspaper ladies +and gentlemen were well looked after, and he thought as they'd all had +supper." + +It seemed incredible that Mildred should not have heard this reply, +uttered so close to her; but though it fell upon her ears it did not +penetrate to her mind. + +"Bring up supper for two, Arthur," said Goring, in his usual decisive +tone. "That'll do, won't it?" he added, and turned to Mildred, ushering +her into the room. "You'll have supper with me, I hope? My name's +Goring; I'm Lord Ipswich's son-in-law and I live in his house; so you +see it's all right." + +The corollary was not evident; but the mention of the name brought +Mildred back to the ordinary world. So this was George Goring, the +plague of his political party, the fly in the ointment of a respectable +Marquis and his distinguished daughter. She had not fancied him like +this. For one thing, she did not know him to be younger than his wife, +and between the careworn solidity of Lady Augusta and this vivid +restless personality, the five actual years of difference seemed +stretched to ten. + +"I'm convinced it's all right, Mr. Goring," she replied, throwing +herself into a chair and smiling at him sparklingly. "It must be all +right. I want my supper so much I should have to accept your invitation +even if you were a burglar." + +Goring, whose habit it was to keep moving, laughed as he walked about, +one hand in his trousers pocket. + +"Why shouldn't I be a burglar? A burglar, with an assistant disguised as +a footman, sacking the bedrooms of Lord Ipswich's house while the ball +proceeds? There's copy for you! Shall I do it? 'Mr. George Goring's +Celebrated Black Pearls Stolen,' would make a capital head-line. Perhaps +you've heard I'd do anything to keep my name in the newspapers." + +"It certainly gets there pretty often," returned Mildred, politely; "and +whenever it's mentioned it has an enlivening effect." + +The footman had reappeared and they were unfolding their dinner-napkins, +sitting opposite each other at the little table. + +"As how, enlivening?" + +"Like a bit of bread dropped into a glass of flat champagne." + +"You think my party's like champagne? Why, it couldn't exist for a +moment if it sparkled." + +"I was talking of newspapers, not of your party; though there's no doubt +you do enliven that." + +"Do I? Like what? No odiously inoffensive comparisons, if you please." + +"Well, I have heard people say like--like a blister on the back of the +neck." + +Goring laughed. "Thanks. That's better." + +"The patient's using language, but he won't really tear it off, because +he knows that would hurt him more, and the blister will do him good in +the end, if he bears with it." + +"But there's the blister's side to it, too. It's infernally tiring for a +blister to be sticking on to such a fellow everlastingly. It'll fly off +of itself before long, if he doesn't look out. Hullo! What am I saying? +I suppose you'll have all this out in some confounded paper--'The Rebel +Member Returns. A Chat with Mr. Goring'--Don't do that; but I'll give +you some other copy if you like." + +"You're very kind in giving me all this copy. What shall I do with it? +Shall I keep it as a memento?" + +"No, no. You can sell it; honor bright you can." + +"Can I? Shall I get much for it? Enough money to buy me a tiara, do you +think?" + +"Do you really want to wear the usual fender? Now, why? I suppose +because you aren't sufficiently aware how--" he paused on the edge of a +compliment which seemed suddenly too full-flavored and ordinary to be +addressed to this strangely lovely being, with her smile at once so +sparkling and so mysterious. He substituted: "How much more +distinguished it is to look like an Undine than like a peeress." + +Mildred seemed slightly taken aback. + +"Why do you say 'Undine?'" she asked, almost sharply. "Do I--do I look +as if I came out of a Trafalgar Square fountain with fell designs on +Lord Ipswich?" + +"Of course not. But--I can't exactly define even to myself what I mean, +only you do suggest an Undine to me. To some one else you might be +simply Miss--Forgive me, I don't know your name." + +He had not even troubled to glance at her left hand, and when the "Mrs." +was uttered it affected him oddly. It was one of the peculiar +differences between her two personalities that, casually encountered, +Mildred was as seldom taken for a married woman as Milly for an +unmarried one. + +"Do I look as if I'd got no soul?" she persisted, leaning a little +towards him, an intensity that might almost have been called anxiety in +her gaze. + +He could even have fancied she had grown paler. He, too, became serious. +His eyes brightened, meeting hers, and a slight color came into his +cheeks. + +"Quite the contrary," he answered. "I should say you had a great +deal--in fact, I shall begin to believe in detachable souls again. Fancy +most people as just souls, without trimmings. It makes one laugh. But +your body looks like an emanation from the spirit; as though it might +flow away in a white waterfall or go up in a white fire; and as though, +if it did, your soul could certainly precipitate another body, which +must certainly be like this one, because it would be as this is, the +material expression of a spirit." + +She listened as he spoke, seriously, her eyes on his. But when he had +done, she dropped her chin on her hand and laughed delightedly. + +"You think I should be able to grow a fresh body, like a lobster growing +a fresh claw? What fun!" + +There was a sound without, not of the footman struggling with dishes and +plates and the door-handle, but of middle-aged voices. + +Instinctively Goring and Mildred straightened themselves and looked +polite. Lord Ipswich and Sir John Ireton, deep in political converse, +came slowly in and then stopped short in surprise. Mildred lost not a +moment in carrying the war into their country. She turned about and +addressed her uncle in a playful tone, which yet smacked of reproof. + +"Here you are at last, Uncle John! I thought you'd forgotten all about +me. I've been walking miles in mad pursuit of you, till I was so tired +and hungry I think I should have dropped if Mr. Goring hadn't taken +pity upon me and made me eat his supper." + +Sir John defended himself, and Lord Ipswich was shocked to think that a +lady had been in such distress in his house; although the apparition of +Goring prevented him from feeling it as acutely as he would otherwise +have done. His pleasant pink face took on an expression of severity as +he responded to his son-in-law's somewhat too cheerful greeting. + +"Sorry to be so late, but we were held up by a fog at the mouth of the +Thames." + +"It must have been very important business to take you all the way to +Brussels so suddenly." + +"It certainly wouldn't wait. I heard there was a whole set of Beauvais +tapestries to be had for a mere song. I couldn't buy them without seeing +them you know, and the big London and Paris dealers were bound to chip +in if I didn't settle the matter pretty quick. I'm precious glad I did, +for they're the finest pieces I ever saw and would have fetched five +times what I gave for them at Christie's." + +"Ah--really!" was all Lord Ipswich's response, coldly uttered and +accompanied by a smile more sarcastic than often visited his neat and +kindly lips. Sir John Ireton and Mildred, aware of the delicate +situation, partly domestic and partly political, upon which they were +intruding, took themselves away and were presently rolling through the +empty streets in the gray light of early morning. + + + + +CHAPTER XXV + + +Not long afterwards Mildred received a letter the very address of which +had an original appearance, looking as if it were written with a stick +in a fist rather than with a pen between fingers. It caught her +attention at once from half a dozen others. + + "DEAR MRS. STEWART,--Yesterday I was at Cochrane's studio + and he told me Meres was the greatest authority in England + on tapestry, and also a cousin of yours. Please remember (or + forgive) the supper on Tuesday, and of your kindness, ask + him to let me see his lot and give me his opinion on mine. + Cochrane had a folly he called a portrait of you in his + studio. I turned its face to the wall; and in the end he + admitted I was right. + + "Yours sincerely, + + "GEORGE GORING." + +Accordingly, on a very hot day early in July, Goring met Mildred again, +at Sir Cyril Meres's house on Campden Hill. The long room at one end of +which stood the small dining-table looked on the greenness of a lawny, +lilac-sheltered garden, so that such light as filtered through the green +jalousies was green also. There was a great block of ice somewhere in +the room, and so cool it was, so greenly dim there, that it seemed +almost like a cavern of the sea. Mildred wore a white dress, and, as +was the fashion of the moment, a large black hat shadowed with +ostrich-feathers. Once more on seeing her he had a startled impression +of looking upon an ethereal creature, a being somehow totally distinct +from other beings; and for lack of some more appropriate name, he called +her again in his mind "Undine." As the talk, which Cyril Meres had a +genius for making general, became more animated, he half lost that +impression in one of a very clever, charming woman, with a bright wit +sailing lightly over depths of knowledge to which he was unaccustomed in +her sex. + +The party was not intended to number more than eight persons, of whom +Lady Thomson was one, and they sat down seven. When Sir Cyril observed: +"We won't wait any longer for Davison," Mildred was too much interested +in Goring's presence to inquire who this Davison might be. + +She sparkled on half through luncheon to the delight of every one but +Miss Ormond the actress, who would have preferred to play the lead +herself. Then came a pause. A door was opened at the far end of the dim +room, and the missing guest appeared. Sir Cyril rose hastily to greet +him. He advanced without any apologetic hurry in his gait; the same +impassive Maxwell Davison as before, but leaner, browner, more +silver-headed from three more years of wandering under Oriental suns. +Mildred could hardly have supposed it possible that the advent of any +human being could have given her so disagreeable a sensation. + +Sir Cyril was unaware that she knew Maxwell Davison; surprised to hear +that he was a cousin of Stewart's, between whom and himself there +existed a mutual antipathy, expressing itself in terms of avoidance. His +own acquaintance with Davison was recent and in the way of business. He +had had the fancy to build for the accommodation of his Hellenic +treasures a room in imitation of the court of a Græco-Roman house which +he had helped to excavate in Asia Minor. He had commissioned Davison to +buy him hangings for it to harmonize with an old Persian carpet in cream +color and blue of which he was already possessed. Davison had brought +these with him and a little collection of other things which he thought +Meres might care to look at. He did not know the Stewarts had moved to +London, and it was an unpleasant surprise to find himself seated at the +same table with Mildred; he had not forgotten, still less forgiven, the +lure of her coquetry, the insult of her rebuff. + +Lady Thomson was next him and questioned him exhaustively about his book +on Persian Literature and the travels of his lifetime. Miss Ormond took +advantage of Mrs. Stewart's sudden silence to talk to the table rather +cleverly around the central theme of herself. Goring conversed apart +with Mrs. Stewart. + +Coffee was served in the shrine which Sir Cyril had reared for his Greek +collection, of which the gem was a famous head of Aphrodite--an early +Aphrodite, divine, removed from all possible pains and agitations of +human passion. The room was an absurdity on Campden Hill, said some, +but undeniably beautiful in itself. The columns, of singular lightness +and grace, were of a fine marble which hovered between creamy white and +faint yellow, and the walls and floor were of the same tone, except for +a frieze on a Greek model, very faintly colored, and the old Persian +carpet. In fine summer weather the large skylight covering the central +space was withdrawn, and such sky as London can show looked down upon +it. The new hangings which Maxwell Davison had brought with him were +already displayed on a tall screen, and his miscellaneous collection of +antiquities, partly sent from Durham College, partly lately acquired, +were arranged on a marble bench. + +"I shouldn't have brought these things, Sir Cyril," he said; "if I'd +known Mrs. Stewart was here. She's got a way of hinting that my most +cherished antiquities are forgeries; and the worst of it is, she makes +every one believe her, including myself." + +Mildred protested. + +"I don't pretend to know anything about antiquities, Mr. Davison. I'm +sure I never suspected you of a forgery, and if I had, I hope I +shouldn't have been rude enough to tell you so." + +Maxwell Davison laughed his harsh laugh. + +"Do you want me to believe you can't be rude, Mrs. Stewart?" + +"I'm almost afraid she can't be," interposed Lady Thomson's full voice. +"People who make a superstition of politeness infallibly lose the higher +courtesy of truth." + +Here Sir Cyril Meres called Davison away to worship at the shrine of the +Aphrodite, while Goring invited Mrs. Stewart into a neighboring corridor +where some tapestries were hanging. + +The divining crystal was among the objects returned from Oxford, and had +been included in the collection which Davison had brought with him, on +the chance that the painter might fancy such curiosities. When Goring +and Mildred returned from their leisurely inspection of the tapestries, +Miss Ormond had it in her hand, and Lady Thomson was commenting on some +remark of hers. + +"I've no doubt, as you say, it has played a wicked part before now in +Oriental intrigues. But of course the poor crystal is perfectly innocent +of the things read into it by rascals, practising on the ignorant and +superstitious." + +"Sometimes, perhaps, Lady Thomson," returned Miss Ormond; "but sometimes +people do see extraordinary visions in a crystal." + +Lady Thomson sniffed. + +"Excitable, imaginative people do, I dare say." + +"On the contrary, prosaic people are far more likely to see things than +highly strung imaginative creatures like myself. I've tried several +times and have never seen anything. I believe having a great deal of +brain-power and emotion and all that tells against it. I shouldn't be at +all surprised now if Mrs. Stewart, who is--well, I should fancy, just a +little cold, very bright and all that on the surface, you know--I +shouldn't wonder if she could crystal-gaze very successfully. I should +like to know whether she's ever tried." + +"I'm sure she's not," replied Lady Thomson, firmly. "My niece, Mrs. +Stewart, is a great deal too sensible and well-educated." + +"Mrs. Stewart can't honestly say the same for herself," interposed +Davison; "she gazed in this very crystal some years ago and certainly +saw something in it." + +Miss Ormond exclaimed in triumph. Mildred froze. She did not desire the +rôle of Society Seer. + +"What did I see, Mr. Davison?" she asked. + +He shrugged his shoulders. + +"Nothing of importance. You saw a woman in a light dress. Perhaps it was +Lady Hammerton the collector, originally guilty, you remember, in the +matter of the forged Augustus." + +"Mildred had only to peep in any glass to see Lady Hammerton, or some +one sufficiently like her," observed Meres. + +"That idea was started when David Fletcher picked up the fancy picture +which he chose to call a portrait of Lady Hammerton," cried Lady +Thomson, who was just taking her leave. "Such nonsense! I protest +against my own niece and a scholar of Ascham being likened to that +scandalous woman." + +Cyril Meres smiled and stroked his soft, silvery beard. + +"Quite right of you to protest, Beatrice. Still, I'm glad Lady Hammerton +didn't stick heroically to her Professor--as Mildred here does. We +should never have been proud of her as an ancestress if she had." + +"Heroically?" repeated Maxwell Davison under his breath, and laughed. +But the meaning of his laugh was lost on every one except Mildred. She +flushed hotly at the thought of having to bear the responsibility of +that ridiculous scene on the Cherwell; it was humiliating, indeed. She +took up the crystal to conceal her chagrin. + +"Do please see something, Mrs. Stewart!" exclaimed Miss Ormond. + +"What sort of thing?" + +"Anything! Whatever you see, it will be quite thrilling. + +"Please see me, Mrs. Stewart," petitioned Goring, wandering towards the +crystal-gazer. "I should so like to thrill Miss Ormond." + +"It's no good your trying that way," smiled the lady, playing fine eyes. +"It's only shadows that are thrilling in the crystal; shadows of +something happening a long way off; or sometimes a coming event casts a +shadow before--and that's the most thrilling of all." + +"A coming event! That's exactly what I am, a tremendous coming Political +Event. You ask them in the House," cried Goring, thrusting out his chin +and aiming a provocative side-smile at a middle-aged Under-Secretary of +State who discreetly admired Miss Ormond. + +"Modest creature!" ejaculated the Under-Secretary playfully with his +lips; and in his heart vindictively, "Conceited devil!" + +"Please see me, Mrs. Stewart!" pleaded Goring, half kneeling on a chair +and leaning over the crystal. + +"I do," she returned. "I'd rather not. You look so distorted and odd; +and so do I, don't I? Dreadful! But the crystal's getting cloudy." + +"Then you're going really to see something!" exclaimed Miss Ormond. "How +delightful! Come away directly, Mr. Goring, or you'll spoil everything." + +Sir Cyril and Davison looked up from some treasure of Greek art. The +conversation was perfunctory, every one's curiosity waiting on Mildred +and the crystal. + +"Don't you see anything yet, Mrs. Stewart?" asked Miss Ormond at length, +impatiently. + +"No," replied Mildred, hesitatingly. "At least, not exactly. I see +something like rushing water and foam." + +"The reflection of clouds overhead," pronounced the Under-Secretary, +dogmatically, glancing upward. + +"I'm sure it's nothing of the kind," asserted Miss Ormond. "Please go on +looking, Mrs. Stewart, and perhaps you'll see a water-spirit." + +"Why do you want her to see a water-spirit?" asked Davison, ironically. +"In all countries of the world they are reckoned spiteful, treacherous +creatures. I was once bitten by one severely, and I have never wanted to +see one since." + +"Oh, Mr. Davison! Are you serious? What do you mean?" questioned Miss +Ormond. + +Mrs. Stewart hastily put down the crystal. "I don't want to see one," +she said; "I'm afraid it might bring me bad luck, and, besides, I can't +wait for it, I've got several calls to make before I go home, and I +think there's a storm coming." She shivered. "I'm quite cold." + +Miss Ormond said that must be the effect of the crystal, as the +afternoon was still oppressively hot. + +Goring caught up with Mrs. Stewart in the gravel drive outside the house +and walked through Kensington Gardens with her. It seemed to them both +quite natural that they should be walking together, and their talk was +in the vein of old friends who have met after a long separation rather +than in that of new acquaintances. When he left her and turned to walk +across Hyde Park towards Westminster, he examined his impressions and +perceived that he was in a state of mind foreign to his nature, and +therefore the butt of his ridicule; a state in which, if he and Mrs. +Stewart had been unmarried persons, he would have said to himself, "That +is the woman I shall marry." It would not have been a passion or an +emotion that would have made him say that; it would have been a +conviction. As it was, the thing was absurd. Cochrane had told him, half +in jest, that Mrs. Stewart was a breaker of hearts, but had not hinted +that her own was on the market. Her appearance made it surely an +interesting question whether she had a heart at all. + +And for himself? He hated to think of his marriage, because he +recognized in it the fatal "little spot" in the yet ungarnered fruit of +his life. He was only thirty, but he had been married seven years and +had two children, both of them the image of all the Barthops that had +ever been, except his own father. In moments of depression he saw +himself through all the coming years being gradually broken, crushed +under a weight of Barthops--father-in-law, wife and children--moulded +into a thin semblance of a Marquis of Ipswich, a bastard Marquis. No one +but himself knew the weakness of his character--explosive, audacious in +alarums or excursions, but without the something, call it strength or +hardness or stupidity, which enables the man or woman possessing it to +resist constant domestic pressure--the unconscious pressure of radically +opposed character. The crowd applauds the marriage of such opposites +because their side almost always wins; partly by its own weight and +partly by their weight behind. But the truth is that two beings opposed +in emotional temperament and mental processes are only a few degrees +more able to help and understand each other in the close union of +marriage than the two personalities of Milly Stewart in the closer union +of her body. + +From one point of view it was Goring's fatal weakness to have a real +affection for his father-in-law, who was a pattern of goodness and +good-breeding. Consequently, that very morning he had promised Lord +Ipswich to walk in the straightest way of the party, for one year at +least; and if he must slap faces, to select them on the other side of +the House. Nevertheless, if he really wished to give sincere +gratification to Lord Ipswich and to dear Augusta, he must needs give +up his capricious and offensive tactics altogether. These things might +give him a temporary notoriety in the House and country, but they were +not in the traditions of the Ipswich family, which had held a high place +in politics for two hundred years. The Marquis said that he had always +tried to make George feel that he was received as a true son of the +family and heir of its best traditions, if not of its name. There had +been a great deal of good faith on both sides. Yet now a solitary young +man, looking well in the frock-coat and tall hat of convention, might +have been observed stopping and striking the gravel viciously as he +reflected on the political future which his father-in-law was mapping +out for him. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI + + +Sir James Carus, the well-known scientist, had for some time been +employing Miss Timson in the capacity of assistant, and spoke highly of +her talents. She began to have a reputation in scientific circles, and +owing to her duties with Carus she could not come to the Stewarts' as +often as she had formerly done. But she preserved her habit of +dismissing the parlor-maid at the door and creeping up to the +drawing-room like a thief in the night. + +On the day following Sir Cyril Meres's luncheon-party she arrived in her +usual fashion. The windows were shaded against the afternoon sun, but +the sky was now overcast, and such a twilight reigned within that at +first she could distinguish little, and the drawing-room seemed to her +to be empty. But in a minute she discerned a white figure supine in a +large arm-chair--Mildred, and asleep. + +She had a writing-board on her knee, and a hand resting on it still held +a stylograph. She must have dozed over her writing; yet she did not stir +when her name was uttered. Tims noticed a peculiar stillness in her, a +something almost inanimate in her attitude and countenance, which +suggested that this was no ordinary siesta. The idea that Milly might +even now be resurgent fluttered Tims's pulses with a mixed emotion. + +"Good old Milly! Poor old girl!" she breathed to the white figure in the +arm-chair. "Don't be in a hurry! You won't find it all beer and skittles +when you're here." + +It seemed to her that a slight convulsion passed over the sleeper's +face. + +Tims seated herself on a low chair, in the attitude of certain gargoyles +that crouch under the eaves of old churches, elbows on knees, chin on +hands, and fixed her eyes in silence on her silent companion. In spite +of her work along the acknowledged lines of science, she had pursued her +hypnotic studies furtively, half in scorn and half in fear of her +scientific brethren. What would she not have given to be enabled to +watch, to comprehend the changes passing within that human form so close +to her that she could see its every external detail, could touch it by +the out-stretching of a hand! But its inner shrine, its secret place, +remained barred against those feeble implements of sense with which +nature has provided the explorative human intelligence. Its content was +more mysterious, more inaccessible than that of the remotest star which +yields the secret of its substance to the spectroscope of the +astronomer. + +Tims's thoughts had forsaken the personal side of the question, when she +was recalled to it by seeing the right hand in which the stylograph had +been lying begin to twitch, the fingers to contract. There was no +answering movement in the face--even when the sleeper at length firmly +grasped the pen and suddenly sat up. Tims rose quickly, and then +perceived, lying on the writing-board, a directed envelope and a +half-finished note to herself. She slipped the note-paper nearer to the +twitching hand, and after a few meaningless flourishes, it wrote slowly +and tentatively: + +"Tims--Milly--cannot get back. Help me ... Save Ian. Wicked creature--no +conscience--" + +Here the power of the hand began to fail, and the writing was terminated +by mere scrawls. The sleeper's eyes were now open, but not wide. They +had a strange, glassy look in them, nor did she show any consciousness +of Tims's presence. She dropped the pen, folded the paper in the same +slow and tentative manner in which she had written upon it, and placed +it in the directed envelope lying there. Then her face contracted, her +fingers slackened, and she fell back again to the depths of the chair. + +"Milly!" cried Tims, almost involuntarily bending over her. "Milly!" + +Again there was a slight contraction of the face and of the whole body. + +At the moment that Tims uttered Milly's name, Ian was entering the room. +His long legs brought him up to the chair in an instant, and he asked, +without the usual salutation: + +"What's the matter? Has--has the change happened?" + +His voice unconsciously spoke dismay. Tims looked at him. + +"No, not exactly," she articulated, slowly; and, after a pause: "Poor +old Milly's trying to come back, that's all." + +She paused again; then: + +"You look a bit worried, old man." + +He tossed back his head with a gesture he had kept from the days when +the crest of raven-black hair had been wont to grow too long and +encroach on his forehead. It was grizzled now, and much less intrusive. + +"I'm about tired out," he said, shortly. + +"Look here," she continued, "if you really want Milly back, just say so. +She's kind of knocking at the door, and I believe I could let her in if +I tried." + +He dropped wearily into a chair. + +"For Heaven's sake, Miss Timson, don't put the responsibility on me!" + +"I can't help it," returned Tims. "She's managed to get this through to +me--" She handed Milly's scrawled message to Ian. + +He read it, then read it again and handed it back. + +"Strange, certainly." + +"Does it mean anything in particular?" + +He shrugged his shoulders almost impatiently and sighed. + +"Oh no! It's the poor child's usual cry when she's here. She's got it +into her head that the self she doesn't know is frightfully wicked, and +makes me miserable. I've tried over and over again to convince her, but +it's all nonsense." + +He thought to himself: "She is coming back still full of this mortal, +heart-rending jealousy, and we shall have more painful scenes." + +"Well, it's your business to say what I'm to do," insisted Tims. "I +don't think she'd have troubled to write if she'd found she could get +back altogether without my help; but the other one's grown a bit too +strong for her. Do you want Milly back?" + +The remorseless Tims forced on Ian a plain question which in his own +mind he habitually sought to evade. He leaned back and shaded his eyes +with his hand. After a silence he spoke, low, as if with effort: + +"I can't honestly say I want the change to happen just now, Miss Timson. +It means a great deal of agitation, a thorough upheaval of everything. +We have an extremely troublesome business on at the Merchants' +Guild--I've just come away from a four hours' meeting; and upon my word +I don't think I can stand a--domestic revolution at the same time. It +would utterly unfit me for my work." + +He did not add that he had been looking forward to receiving helpful +counsel from Mildred, with her clear common-sense, seasoned with wit. + +Tims wagged her head and stared in his face. + +"Poor old M.!" she ejaculated, slowly. + +Miss Timson still possessed the rare power of irritating Ian Stewart. He +grew restive. + +"I suppose I am a selfish brute. Men always are, aren't they? But, after +all, my wife enjoys life in her present state at least as much as she +does in the other." + +"Not for the same reason, dear boy," returned Tims. "Old M., bless her, +just lives for you. You don't imagine, do you, that Mildred cares about +you like that?" + +Ian flushed slightly, and his face hardened. + +"One can't very well discuss one's wife's feeling for one's self," he +said. "I believe I have every reason to be happy, however things are. +And I very much doubt, Miss Timson, whether you can really effect the +change in her in any way. At any rate, I'd rather you didn't try, +please. I'll have her moved to her room, where she'll most likely sleep +till to-morrow." + +Tims bent over the sleeper. Then: + +"I don't believe she will, somehow. You'd better leave her with me for +the present, and I'll let you know if anything happens." + +He obeyed, and in a minute she heard the front door close after him. +Tims sat down in the chair which he had vacated. + +"Poor old M.!" she ejaculated again, presently, and added: "What idiots +men are! All except old Carus and Mr. Fitzallan. He's sensible enough." + +Her thoughts wandered away, until they were recalled by the door opening +a mere chink to let a child slip into the room--a slim, tall child, in a +blue smock--Tony. His thick, dark hair was cropped boywise now, and the +likeness of the beautiful, sensitive child face to Ian's was more +marked. It was evident that in him there was to be no blending of +strains, but an exact reproduction of the paternal type. + +Tims was in his eyes purely a comic character, but the ready grin with +which he usually greeted her was replaced to-day by a little, +inattentive smile. He went past her and stood by the sofa, looking +fixedly at his mother with a grave mouth and a slight frown on his +forehead. At length he turned away, and was about to leave the room as +quietly as he had come, when Tims brought him to a stand-still at her +knee. He held up an admonishing finger. + +"Sh! Don't you wake my Mummy, or Daddy 'll be angry with you." + +"We sha'n't wake her; she's too fast asleep. Tell me why you looked so +solemnly at her just now, Tony?" + +Tony, his hands held fast, wriggled, rubbed his shoulder against his +ear, and for all answer laughed in a childish, silly way. Such is the +depth and secretiveness of children, whom we call transparent. + +"Did you think Mummy was dead?" + +"What's 'dead'?" asked Tony, with interest, putting off his mask of +inanity. + +"People are dead when they've gone to sleep and will never wake again," +returned Tims. + +Tony thought a minute; then his dark eyes grew very large. He whispered +slowly, as though with difficulty formulating his ideas: + +"Doesn't they _never_ wake? Doesn't they wake up after ever so long, +when peoples can't remember everything--and it makes them want to cry, +only grown-up people aren't 'lowed?" + +Tims was puzzled. But even in her bewilderment it occurred to her that +if poor Milly should return, she would be distressed to find in what a +slovenly manner Tony was allowed to express himself. + +"I don't know what you mean, Tony. Say it again and put it more +clearly." + +Tims had around her neck a necklace composed of casts of coins in the +British Museum. She did not usually wear ornaments, because she +possessed none, except a hair-bracelet, two brooches, and a large gold +cross which had belonged to her late aunt. Tony's soft, slender fingers +went to the necklace, and ignoring her question, he asked: "Why have you +got these funny things round your neck, Auntie Tims?" + +"They're not funny. They're beautiful--copies of money which the old +Greeks used to use. A gentleman gave it to me." Tims spoke with a grand +carelessness. "I dare say if you're a good boy he'll tell you stories +about them himself some day. But I want you to explain what it was you +meant to say about dead people. Dead people don't come back, you know." + +Tony touched her hand, which lay open on her knee, and played with the +fingers a minute. Then raising his eyes he said, plaintively: + +"I do so want my tea." + +Once more he had wiped the conversational slate, and the baffled Tims +dismissed him. He opened the door a little and slipped out; put his dark +head in again with an engaging smile, said politely, "I sha'n't be away +_very_ long," and closed the door softly behind him. For that soft +closing of the door was one of the things poor Milly had taught him +which the little 'peoples' did contrive to remember. + +The sleeper now began to stir slightly in her sleep, and before Tony's +somewhat prolonged tea was over, she sat up and looked about her. + +"Is that Tims?" she asked, in a colorless voice. + +"Yes--is it you, Milly?" + +"No. What makes you think so?" + +"Milly's been trying to come back. I suppose she couldn't manage it." + +"Ah!"--there was a deep satisfaction in Mildred's tone now; "I thought +she couldn't!" + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII + + +George Goring and Mildred Stewart did not move in the same social set, +but their sets had points of contact, and it was at these that Goring +was now most likely to be found; especially at the pleasant bachelor +house on Campden Hill. Mrs. Stewart walked in the Park every morning at +an unfashionable hour, and sometimes, yet not too often for discretion, +Goring happened to be walking there too. All told, their meetings were +not very numerous, nor very private. But every half-hour they spent in +each other's company seemed to do the work of a month of intimacy. + +July hastened to an end, but an autumn Session brought Goring up to town +in November, and three months of absence found him and Mildred still at +the same point. Sir Cyril Meres was already beginning to plan his +wonderful _tableaux-vivants_, which, however, did not come off until +February. The extraordinary imitative talent which his artistic career +had been one long struggle to disguise, was for once to be allowed full +play. The _tableaux_ were to represent paintings by certain +fellow-artists and friends; not actual pictures by them, but pictures +which they might have painted, and the supposed authors were allowed a +right of veto or criticism. + +A stage of Renaissance design, which did not jar with the surrounding +architecture, was erected in the depth of the portico at the end of the +Hellenic room. + +The human material at Meres's command was physically admirable. He had +long been the chosen portrait-painter of wealth and fashion, and there +was not a beauty in Society, with the biggest "S," who was not delighted +to lend her charms for his purpose. The young men might grumble for +form's sake, but at the bottom of their hearts they were equally +sensible to the compliment of being asked to appear. It was when it came +to the moulding of the material for artistic purposes, that the trouble +began. The English have produced great actors, but in the bulk they have +little natural aptitude for the stage; and what they have is discouraged +by a social training which strains after the ideal composure, the few +movements, the glassy eye of a waxwork. Only a small and chosen number, +it is true, fully attain that ideal; but when we see them we recognize +with a start, almost with a shudder, that it is there, the perfection of +our deportment. + +Cyril Meres was, however, an admirable stage-manager, exquisite in tact, +in temper, and urbane patience. The results of his prolonged training +were wonderful; yet again and again he found it impossible to carry out +his idea without placing his cousin Mrs. Stewart at the vital point of +his picture. She was certainly not the most physically beautiful woman +there, but she was unrivalled by any other in the grace, the variety, +the meaning of her gestures, the dramatic transformations of her +countenance. She was Pandora, she was Hope, she was Lady Hammerton, she +was the Vampire, and she was the Queen of Faerie. + +There is jealousy on the amateur stage as well as on the professional, +and ladies of social position, accustomed to see their beauty lauded in +the newspapers, saw no reason why Mrs. Stewart should be thrust to the +front of half of the pictures. Lady Langham, the "smart" Socialist, with +whom George Goring had flirted last season, to Lady Augusta's real +dismay, was the leading rival candidate for Mildred's rôles. But Lady +Langham never guessed that Mrs. Stewart was the cause of George Goring's +disappearance from the list of her admirers, and she still had hopes of +his return. + +The _tableaux_ were a brilliant success. Ian was there on the first +evening, so was Lady Augusta Goring. Lady Langham, peeping through the +curtains, saw her, and swept the horizon--that is, the circle of black +coats around the walls--in vain for George Goring. Then Lady Augusta +became audible, saying that in the present state of affairs in the House +it was quite impossible for Mr. Goring to leave it, even for dinner, on +that evening or the next. Nevertheless, on the next evening, Lady +Langham espied George Goring in the act of taking a vacant chair near +the front, next to a social _protégée_ of her own. She turned and +mentioned the fact to a friend, who smiled meaningly and remarked, "In +spite of Lady Augusta's whip!" + +Mildred, passing, caught the information, the comment, the smile. During +the rehearsals for the _tableaux_, she had heard people coupling the +names of Goring and Lady Langham, not seriously, yet seriously enough +for her. A winged shaft of jealousy pierced at once her heart and her +pride. Was she allowing her whole inner life to be shaken, dissolved by +the passing admiration of a flirt? Her intimate self had assurance that +it was not so; but sometimes a colder wind, blowing she knew not whence, +or the lash of a chance word, threw her into the attitude of a chance +observer, one who sees, guesses, does not know. + +Meantime George Goring had flung himself down in the only vacant chair +he could see, and careless of the brilliant company about him, careless +even of the face of Aphrodite herself, smiling divinely, unconcerned +with human affairs, from a far corner he waited for the curtain to go +up. His neighbor spoke. She had met him at the Langhams last season. +What a pity he had just missed Lady Langham's great _tableau_, "Helen +before the Elders of Troy"! There was no one to be compared to Maud +Langham, so beautiful, so clever! She would have made her fortune if she +had gone on the stage. Goring gave the necessary assent. + +The curtain went up, exhibiting a picture called "The Vampire." It was +smaller than most and shown by a curious pale light. A fair young girl +was lying in a deep sleep on a curtained bed, and hovering, crawling +over her with a deadly, serpentine grace, was a white figure wrapped in +a veiling garment that might have been a shroud. Out of white cerements +showed a trail of yellow hair and a face alabaster white, save for the +lips that were blood red--an intent face with a kind of terrible beauty, +yet instinct with cruelty. One slender, bloodless hand was in the girl's +hair, and, even without the title, it would have been plain that there +was a deadly purpose in that creeping figure. + +"Isn't it horrid?" whispered Goring's neighbor. "Fancy that Mrs. Stewart +letting herself be made to look so dreadful!" + +"Who?" asked Goring, horrified. He had not recognized Mildred. + +"Why, the girl on the bed's Gertrude Waters, and the Vampire's a cousin +of Sir Cyril Meres. A horrid little woman some people admire, but I +shouldn't think any one would after this. I call it disgusting, don't +you?" + +"It's horrible!" gasped George; "it oughtn't to be allowed. What does +that fellow Meres mean by inventing such deviltries? By Jove, I should +like to thrash him!" + +The neighbor stared. It was all very well to be horrified at Mrs. +Stewart, but why this particular form of horror? + +"Please call me when it's over," said Goring, putting his head down +between his hands. + +What an eccentric young man he was! But clever people often were +eccentric. + +In due course the _tableau_ was over, and to the relief of one +spectator at least, it was not encored. The next was some harmless +domestic scene with people in short waists. George Goring looked in vain +for Mildred among them, longing to see her, the real lovely her, and +forget the horrible thing she had portrayed. Lady Langham was there, and +his neighbor commended her tediously, convinced of pleasing. + +There followed a large and very beautiful picture in the manner of a +great English Pre-Raphaelite. This was called "Thomas the Rhymer, +meeting with the Faerie Queen," but it did not follow the description of +the ballad. The Faerie Queen, a figure of a Botticellian grace, was +coming, with all her fellowship, out of a wonderful pinewood, while +Thomas the Rhymer, handsome and young and lean and brown, his harp +across his back, had just crossed a mountain-stream by a rough bridge. +He appeared suddenly to have beheld her, pausing above him before +descending the heathery bank that edged the wood; and looking in her +face, to have entered at once into the land of Faerie. The pose, the +figure, the face of the Faerie Queen were of the most exquisite charm +and beauty, touched with a something of romance and mystery that no +other woman there except Mildred could have lent it. The youth who +personated Thomas the Rhymer was temporarily in love with Mrs. Stewart +and acted his part with intense expression. Goring, shading his eyes +with his hand, fixed them upon her as long as he dared; then glanced at +the Rhymer and was angry. He turned to his chattering neighbor and +asked: + +"Who's the chap doing Thomas? Looks as if he wanted a wash." + +"I don't know. Nobody particular, I should think. Wasn't it a pity they +didn't have Lady Langham for the Faerie Queen? I do call it absurd the +way Sir Cyril Meres has put that pert, insignificant cousin of his +forward in quite half the pictures--and when he might have had Maud +Langham." + +Goring threw himself back in his chair and laughed his quite loud laugh. + +"'A mad world, my masters,'" he quoted. + +His neighbor took this for Mr. Goring's eccentric way of approving her +sentiments. But what he really meant was: What a strange masquerade is +the world! This neighbor of his, so ordinary, so desirous to please, +would have shuddered at the notion of hinting to him the patent fact +that Lady Augusta Goring was a tiring woman; while she pressed upon him +laudations of a person to whom he was perfectly indifferent, mingled +with insulting comments on the only woman in the world for him--the +woman who was his world, without whom nothing was; on her whose very +name, even on these silly, hostile lips, gave him a strong sensation, +whether of pain or pleasure he could hardly tell. + +After the performance he constrained himself to go the round of the +ladies of his acquaintance who had been acting and compliment them +cleverly and with good taste. Lady Langham of course seized the lion's +share of his company and his compliments. He seemed to address only a +few remarks of the same nature to Mrs. Stewart, but he had watched his +opportunity and was able to say to her: + +"I must leave in a quarter of an hour at latest. Please let me drive you +back. You won't say no?" + +There was a pleading note in the last phrase and his eyes met hers +gravely, anxiously. It was evident that she must answer immediately, +while their neighbors' attention was distracted from them. She was pale +before under her stage make-up, and now she grew still paler. + +"Thanks. I told Cousin Cyril I was tired and shouldn't stay long. I'll +go and change at once." + +Then Thomas the Rhymer was at her elbow again, bringing her something +for which she had sent him. + +The green-room, in which she resumed the old white lace evening-dress +that she had worn to dine with her cousin, was strewn with the delicate +underclothing, the sumptuous wraps and costly knick-knacks of wealthy +women. She had felt ashamed, as she had undressed there, of her own poor +little belongings among these; and ashamed to be so ashamed. As she had +seen her garments overswept by the folds of the fair Socialist's white +velvet mantle, lined with Arctic fox and clasped with diamonds, she had +smiled ironically at the juxtaposition. Since circumstances and her own +gifts had drawn her into the stream of the world, she had been more and +more conscious, however unwillingly, of a longing for luxuries, for rich +settings to her beauty, for some stage upon which her brilliant +personality might shine uplifted, secure. For she seemed to herself +sometimes like a tumbler at a fair, struggling in the crowd for a space +in which to spread his carpet. Now--George Goring loved her. Let the +others keep their furs and laces and gewgaws, their great fortunes or +great names. Yet if it had been possible for her to take George Goring's +love, he could have given her most of these things as well. + +Wrapped in a gauzy white scarf, she seemed to float rather than walk +down the stairs into the hall, where Thomas the Rhymer was lingering, in +the hope of finding an excuse to escort her home. She was pale, with a +clear, beautiful pallor, a strange smile was on her lips and her eyes +shone like stars. The Queen of Faerie had looked less lovely, meeting +him on the edge of the wood. She nodded him good-night and passed +quickly on into the porch. With a boyish pang he saw her vanish, not +into the darkness of night, but into the blond interior of a smart +brougham. A young man, also smart--her husband, for aught he +knew--paused on the step to give orders to the coachman, and followed +her in. A moment he saw her dimly, in the glare of carriage-lamps, a +white vision, half eclipsed by the black silhouette of the man at her +side; then they glided away over the crunching gravel of the drive, into +the fiery night of London. + +"Do you really think it went off well?" she asked, as they passed +through the gates into the street. George was taking off his hat and +putting it down on the little shelf opposite. He leaned back and was +silent a few seconds; then starting forward, laid his hand upon her +knee. + +"Don't let's waste time like that, Mildred," he said--and although he +had never called her so before, it seemed natural that he should--"we +haven't got much. You know, don't you, why I asked you to drive with +me?" + +She in her turn was silent a moment, then meeting his eyes: + +"Yes," she said, quite simply and courageously. + +"I thought you could hardly help seeing I loved you, however blind other +people might be." + +Her head was turned away again and she looked out of the window, as she +answered in a voice that tried to be light: + +"But it isn't of any consequence, is it? I suppose you're always in love +with somebody or other." + +"Is that what people told you about me?"--and it was new and wonderful +to her to hear George Goring speak with this calmness and +gravity--"You've not been long in the world, little girl, or you'd know +how much to believe of what's said there." + +"No," she answered, in turn becoming calm and deliberate. "When I come +to think of it, people only say that women generally like you and that +you flirt with them. I--I invented the rest." + +"But, good Heavens! Why?" There was a note of pain and wonder in his +voice. + +She paused, and his hand moved under her cloak to be laid on the two +slender hands clasped on her lap. + +"I suppose I was jealous," she said. + +He smiled. + +"Absurd child! But I'm a bit of an ass that way myself. I was jealous of +Thomas the Rhymer this evening." + +"That brat!" + +She laughed low, the sweet laugh that was like no one else's. It was +past midnight and the streets were comparatively quiet and dark, but at +that moment they were whirled into a glare of strong light. They looked +in each other's eyes in silence, his hand tightening its hold upon hers. +Then again they plunged into wavering dimness, and he resumed, gravely +and calmly as before, but bending nearer her. + +"If I weren't anxious to tell you the exact truth, to avoid +exaggeration, I should say I fell in love with you the first time I met +you. It seems to me now as though it had been so. And the second +time--you remember it was one very hot day last July, when we both +lunched with Meres--I hadn't the least doubt that if I had been free and +you also, I should have left no stone unturned to get you for my wife." + +Every word was sweet to her, yet she answered sombrely: + +"But we are not free." + +He, disregarding the answer, went on: + +"You love me, as I love you?" + +"As you love me, dearest; and from the first." + +A minute's silence, while the hands held each other fast. Then low, +triumphantly, he exclaimed: "Well?" + +Her slim hands began to flutter a little in his as she answered all that +that "Well" implied. + +"It's impossible, dear. It's no use arguing about it. It's just waste of +time--and we've only got this little time." + +"To do what? To make love in? Dear, we've got all our lives if we +please. We've both made a tremendous mistake, we've both got a chance +now of going back on it, of setting our lives right again, making them +better indeed than we ever dreamed of their being. We inflict some loss +on other people--no loss comparable to our gain--we hurt them chiefly +because of their bloated ideas of their claims on us. I know you've +weighed things, have no prejudices. Rules, systems, are made for types +and classes, not for us. You belong to no type, Mildred. I belong to no +class." + +She answered low, painfully: + +"It's true I am unlike other people; that's the very reason, why--I--I'm +not good to love." There was a low utterance that was music in her ears, +yet she continued: "Then, dear friend, think of your career, ruined for +me, by me. You might be happy for a while, then you'd regret it." + +"That's where you're wrong. My career? A rotten little game, these House +of Commons party politics, when you get into it! The big things go on +outside them; there's all the world outside them. Anyhow, my career, as +I planned it, is ruined already. The Ipswich gang have collared me; I +can't call my tongue my own, Mildred. Think of that!" + +She smiled faintly. + +"Temporary, George! You'll soon have your head up--and your tongue +out." + +"Oh, from time to time, I presume, I shall always be the Horrid Vulgar +Boy of those poor Barthops; I shall kick like a galvanized frog long +after I'm dead. But--I wouldn't confess it to any one but you, dear--I'm +not strong enough to stand against the everlasting pressure that's +brought to bear upon me. You know what I mean, don't you?" + +"Yes. You'll be no good if you let the originality be squeezed out of +you. Don't allow it." + +"Nothing can prevent it--unless the Faerie Queen will stretch out her +dearest, sweetest hands to me and lead me, poor mortal, right away into +the wide world, into some delightful country where there's plenty of +love and no politics. I want love so much, Mildred; I've never had it, +and no one has ever guessed how much I wanted it except you, +dear--except you." + +Yes, she had guessed. The queer childhood, so noisy yet so lonely, had +been spoken of; the married life spoke for itself. + +His arm was around her now, their faces drawn close together, and in the +pale, faint light they looked each other deep in the eyes. Then their +lips met in a long kiss. + +"You see how it is," he whispered; "you can't help it. It's got to be. +No one has power to prevent it." + +But he spoke without knowledge, for there was one who had power to +prevent it, one conquered, helpless, less than a ghost, who yet could +lay an icy hand on the warm, high-beating heart of her subduer, and say: +"Love and desire, the pride of life and the freedom of the world, are +not for you. I forbid them to you--I--by a power stronger than the laws +of God or man. True, you have no husband, you have no child, for those +who seem to be yours are mine. You have taken them from me, and now you +must keep them, whether you will or no. You have taken my life from me, +and my life you must have, that and none other." + +It was against this unknown and inflexible power that George Goring +struggled with all the might of his love, and absolutely in vain. +Between him and Mildred there could be no lies, no subterfuges; only +that one silence which to him, of all others, she dared not break. + +She seemed to have been engaged in this struggle, at once so sweet and +so bitter, for an eternity before she stood on her own doorstep, +latch-key in hand. + +"Good-night, Mr. Goring. So much obliged for the lift." + +"Delighted, I'm sure. All right now? Good-night. Drop me at the House, +Edwards." + +He lifted his hat, stepped in and closed the carriage-door sharply +behind him; and in a minute the brougham with its lights rolling almost +noiselessly behind the big fast-trotting bay horse, had disappeared +around a neighboring corner. + + * * * * * + +The house was cold and dark, except for a candle which burned on an oak +dresser in the narrow hall. As Mildred dragged herself up the stairs, +she had a sensation of physical fatigue, almost bruisedness, as though +she had come out of some actual bodily combat. Her room, fireless and +cold, was solitary, for Ian's sleep had to be protected from +disturbance. Nevertheless, having loosened her wraps, she threw herself +on the bed and lay there long, her bare arms under her head. The +sensation of chill, her own cold soft flesh against her face, seemed to +brace her mind and body, to restore her powers of clear, calm judgment, +so unlike the usual short-sighted, emotionalized judgments of youth. She +had nothing of the ordinary woman's feeling of guilt towards her +husband. The intimate bond between herself and George Goring did not +seem in any relation the accidental one between her and Ian Stewart. She +had never before faced the question, the possibility of a choice between +the two. Now she weighed it with characteristic swiftness and decision. +She reasoned that Ian had enjoyed a period of great happiness in his +marriage with her, in spite of the singularity of its conditions; but +that now, while Milly could never satisfy his fastidious nature, she +herself had grown to be a hinderance, a dissonance in his life. Could +she strike a blow which would sever him from her, he would suffer +cruelly, no doubt; but it would send him back again to the student's +life, the only life that could bring him honor, and in the long run +satisfaction. And that life would not be lonely, because Tony, so +completely his father's child, would be with him. As for herself and +George Goring, she had no fear of the future. They two were strong +enough to hew and build alone their own Palace of Delight. Her intuitive +knowledge of the world informed her that, in the long run, society, if +firmly disregarded, admits the claim of certain persons to go their own +way--even rapidly admits it, though they be the merest bleating strays +from the common fold, should they haply be possessed of rank or fortune. +The way lay plain enough before Mildred, were it not for that Other. But +she, the shadowy one, deep down in her limbo, laid a finger on the gate +of that Earthly Paradise and held it, as inflexibly as any armed +archangel, against the master key of her enemy's intelligence, the +passionate assaults of her heart. + +Mildred, however, was one who found it hard, if not impossible, to +acquiesce in defeat. Two o'clock boomed from the watching towers of +Westminster over the great city. She rose from her bed, cold as a marble +figure on a monument, and went to the dressing-table to take off her few +and simple ornaments. The mirror on it was the same from which that +alien smile had peered twelve months ago, filling the sad soul of Milly +with trembling fear and sinister foreboding. The white face that stole +into its shadowy depths to-night, and looked Mildred in the eyes, was in +a manner new to her also. It had a new seriousness, a new intensity, as +of a woman whose vital energies, once spending themselves in mere +corruscations, in mere action for action's sake, were now concentrated +on one definite thought, one purpose, one emotion, which with an intense +yet benign fire blended in perfect harmony the life of the soul and of +the body. + +For a moment the face in its gravity recalled to her the latest +photograph of Milly, a tragic photograph she did not care to look at +because it touched her with a pity, a remorse, which were after all +quite useless. But the impression was false and momentary. + +"No," she said, speaking to the glass, "it's not really like. Poor weak +woman! I understand better now what you have suffered." Then almost +repeating the words of her own cruel subconscious self--"But there's all +the difference between the weak and the strong. I am the stronger, and +the stronger must win; that's written, and it's no use struggling +against the law of nature." + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII + + +George Goring was never so confident in himself as when he was fighting +an apparently losing game; and the refusal of Mildred to come to him, a +refusal based, as he supposed, on nothing but an insurmountable +prejudice against doing what was not respectable, struck him as a stage +in their relations rather than as the end of them. He did not attempt to +see her until the close of the Easter Vacation. People began to couple +their names, but lightly, without serious meaning, for Goring being +popular with women, had a somewhat exaggerated reputation as a flirt. +When a faithful cousin hinted things about him and Mrs. Stewart to Lady +Augusta, she who believed herself to have seen a number of similar +temporary enslavers, put the matter by, really glad that a harmless +nobody should have succeeded to Maud Langham with her dangerous +opinions. + +Ian Stewart on his side was barely acquainted with Goring. Sir John +Ireton and the newspapers informed him that George Goring was a flashy, +untrustworthy politician; and the former added that he was a terrible +nuisance to poor Lord Ipswich and Lady Augusta. That such a man could +attract Mildred would never have occurred to him. + +The fear of Milly's return, which she could not altogether banish, still +at times checked and restrained Mildred. Could she but have secured +Tims's assistance in keeping Milly away, she would have felt more +confident of success. It was hopeless to appeal directly to the +hypnotist, but her daring imagination began to conceive a situation in +which mere good sense and humanity must compel Tims to forbid the return +of Milly to a life made impossible for her. She had not seen Tims for +many weeks, not since the Easter Vacation, which had already receded +into a remote distance; so far had she journeyed since then along the +path of her fate. Nor had she so much as wondered at not seeing Tims. +But now her mind was turned to consider the latent power which that +strange creature held over her life, her dearest interests; since how +might not Milly comport herself with George? + +Then it was that she realized how long it had been since Tims had crept +up the stairs to her drawing-room; pausing probably in the middle of +them to wipe away with hasty pocket-handkerchief some real or fancied +trace of her foot on a carpet which she condemned as expensive. + +Mildred had written her a note, but it was hardly posted when the door +was flung open and Miss Timson was formally announced by the +parlor-maid. Tony, who was looking at pictures with his mother, rose +from her side, prepared to take a hop, skip, and jump and land with his +arms around Tims's waist. But he stopped short and contemplated her +with round-eyed solemnity. The ginger-colored man's wig had developed +into a frizzy fringe and the rest of the coiffure of the hour. A large +picture hat surmounted it, and her little person was clothed in a vivid +heliotrope dress of the latest mode. It was a handsome dress, a handsome +hat, a handsome wig, yet somehow the effect was jarring. Tony felt +vaguely shocked. "Bless thee! Thou art translated!" he might have cried +with Quince; but being a polite child, he said nothing, only put out a +small hand sadly. Tims, however, unconscious of the slight chill cast by +her appearance, kissed him in a perfunctory, patronizing way, as ladies +do who are afraid of disarranging their veils. She greeted Mildred also +with a parade of mundane elegance, and sat down deliberately on the +sofa, spreading out her heliotrope skirts. + +"You can run away just now, little man," she said to Tony. "I want to +talk to your mother." + +"How smart you are!" observed Mildred, seeing that comment of some kind +would be welcome. "Been to Sir James Carus's big party at the Museum, I +suppose. You're getting a personage, Tims." + +"I dare say I shall look in later, but I shouldn't trouble to dress up +for that, my girl. Clothes would be quite wasted there. But I think one +should always try to look decent, don't you? One's men like it." + +Mildred smiled. + +"I suppose Ian would notice it if I positively wasn't decent. But, Tims, +dear, does old Carus really criticise your frocks?" + +For indeed the distinguished scientist, Miss Timson's chief, was the +only man she could think of to whom Tims could possibly apply the +possessive adjective. Tims bridled. + +"Of course not; I was thinking of Mr. Fitzalan." + +That she had for years been very kind to a lonely little man of that +name who lived in the same block of chambers, Mildred knew, +but--Heavens! Even Mildred's presence of mind failed her, and she +stared. Meeting her amazed eye, Tims's borrowed smile suddenly broke its +bounds and became her own familiar grin, only more so: + +"We're engaged," she said. + +"My dear Tims!" exclaimed Mildred, suppressing an inclination to burst +out laughing. "What a surprise!" + +"I quite thought you'd have been prepared for it," returned Tims. "A bit +stupid of you not to guess it, don't you know, old girl. We've been +courting long enough." + +Mildred hastened to congratulate the strange bride and wish her +happiness, with all that unusual grace which she knew how to employ in +adorning the usual. + +"I thought I should like you to be the first to know," said Tims, +sentimentally, after a while; "because I was your bridesmaid, you see. +It was the prettiest wedding I ever saw, and I should love to have a +wedding like yours--all of us carrying lilies, you know." + +"I remember there were green stains on my wedding-dress," returned +Mildred, with forced gayety. + +Tims, temporarily oblivious of all awkward circumstances, continued, +still more sentimentally: + +"Then I was there, as I've told you, when Ian's pop came to poor old M. +Poor old girl! She was awfully spifligatingly happy, and I feel just the +same now myself." + +"Well, it wasn't I, anyhow, who felt 'awfully spifligatingly happy' on +that occasion," replied Mildred, with a touch of asperity in her voice. + +Tims, legitimately absorbed in her own feelings, did not notice it. She +continued: + +"I dare say the world will say Mr. Fitzalan had an eye on my money; and +it's true I've done pretty well with my investments. But, bless you! he +hadn't a notion of that. You see, I was brought up to be stingy, and I +enjoy it. He thought of course I was a pauper, and proposed we should +pauper along together. He was quite upset when he found I was an +heiress. Wasn't it sweet of him?" + +Mildred said it was. + +"Flora Fitzalan!" breathed Tims, clasping her hands and smiling into +space. "Isn't it a pretty name? It's always been my dream to have a +pretty name." Then suddenly, as though in a flash seeing all those +personal disadvantages which she usually contrived to ignore: + +"Life's a queer lottery, Mil, my girl. We know what we are, we know not +what we shall be, as old Billy says. Who'd ever have thought that a +nice, quiet girl like Milly, marrying the lad of her heart and all that, +would come to such awful grief; while look at me--a queer kind of girl +you'd have laid your bottom dollar wouldn't have much luck, prospering +like anything, well up in the Science business, and now, what's ever so +much better, scrumptiously happy with a good sort of her own. Upon my +word, Mil, I've half a mind to fetch old M. back to sympathize with me, +for although you've said a peck of nice things, I don't believe you +understand what I'm feeling the way the old girl would." + +Mildred went a little pale and spoke quickly. + +"You won't do that really, Tims? You won't be so cruel to--to every +one?" + +"I don't know. I don't see why you're always to be jolly and have +everything your own way. Oh, Lord! When I think how happy old M. was +when she was engaged, the same as I am, and then on her +wedding-day--just the same as I shall be on mine." + +Mildred straightened out the frill of a muslin cushion cover, her head +bent. + +"Just so. She had everything _her_ own way that time. I gave her that +happiness, it was all my doing. She's had it and she ought to be +content. Don't be a fool, Tims--" she lifted her face and Tims was +startled by its expression--"Can't you see how hard it is on me never to +be allowed the happiness you've got and Milly's had? Don't you think I +might care to know what love is like for myself? Don't you think I might +happen to want--I tell you I'm a million times more alive than +Milly--and I want--I want everything a million times more than she +does." + +Tims was astonished. + +"But it's always struck me, don't you know, that Ian was a deal more in +love with you than he ever was with poor old M." + +"And you pretend to be in love and think that's enough! It's not enough; +you must know it's not. It's like sitting at a Barmecide feast, very +hungry, only the Barmecide's sitting opposite you eating all the time +and talking about his food. I tell you it's maddening, perfectly +maddening--" There was a fierce vehemence in her face, her voice, the +clinch of her slender hands on the muslin frill. That strong vitality +which before had seemed to carry her lightly as on wings, over all the +rough places of life, had now not failed, but turned itself inwards, +burning in an intense flame at once of pain and of rebellion against its +own pain. + +Tims in the midst of her happiness, felt vaguely scared. Mildred seeing +it, recovered herself and plunged into the usual engagement talk. In a +few minutes she was her old beguiling self--the self to whose charm Tims +was as susceptible in her way as Thomas the Rhymer had been in his. + +When she had left, and from time to time thereafter, Tims felt vaguely +uncomfortable, remembering Mildred's outburst of vehement bitterness on +the subject of love. It was so unlike her usual careless tone, which +implied that it was men's business, or weakness, to be in love with +women, and that only second-rate women fell in love themselves. + +Mildred seemed altogether more serious than she used to be, and Milly +herself could not have been more sympathetic over the engagement. Even +Mr. Fitzalan, when Tims brought him to call on the Stewarts was not +afraid of her, and found it possible to say a few words in reply to her +remarks. Tims's ceremonious way of speaking of her betrothed, whom she +never mentioned except as Mr. Fitzalan, made Ian reflect with sad humor +on the number of offensively familiar forms of address which he himself +had endured from her, and on the melancholy certainty that she had never +spoken of him in his absence by any name more respectful than the plain +unprefixed "Stewart." But he hoped that the excitement of her engagement +had wiped out of her remembrance that afternoon when poor Milly had +tried to return. For he did not like to think of that moment of weakness +in which he had allowed Tims to divine so much of a state of mind which +he could not unveil even to himself without a certain shame. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIX + + +The summer was reaching its height. The weather was perfect. Night after +night hot London drawing-rooms were crowded to suffocation, awnings +sprang mushroom-like from every West End pavement; the sound of music +and the rolling of carriages made night, if not hideous, at least +discordant to the unconsidered minority who went to bed as usual. +Outside in the country, even in the suburbs, June came in glory, with +woods in freshest livery of green, with fragrance of hawthorn and broom +and gorse, buttercup meadows and gardens brimmed with roses. It seemed +to George Goring and Mildred as though somehow this warmth, this gayety +and richness of life in the earth had never been there before, but that +Fate and Nature, of which their love was part, were leading them on in a +great festal train to the inevitable consummation. The flame of life had +never burned clearer or more steadily in Mildred, and every day she felt +a growing confidence in having won so complete a possession of her whole +bodily machinery that it would hardly be in the power of Milly to +dethrone her. The sight of George Goring, the touch of his hand, the +very touch of his garment, gave her a feeling of unconquerable life. It +was impossible that she and George should part. All her sanguine and +daring nature cried out to her that were she once his, Milly should not, +could not, return. Tims, too, was there in reserve. Not that Tims would +feel anything but horror at Mildred's conduct in leaving Ian and Tony; +but the thing done, she would recognize the impossibility of allowing +Milly to return to such a situation. + +Ian, whose holidays were usually at the inevitable periods, was by some +extraordinary collapse of that bloated thing, the Academic conscience, +going away for a fortnight in June. He had been deputed to attend a +centenary celebration at some German University, and a conference of +savants to be held immediately after it, presented irresistible +attractions. + +One Sunday Tims and Mr. Fitzalan went to Hampton Court with the usual +crowd of German, Italian, and French hair-dressers, waiters, cooks, and +restaurant-keepers, besides native cockneys of all classes except the +upper. + +The noble old Palace welcomed this mass of very common humanity with +such a pageant of beauty as never greeted the eyes of its royal +builders. Centuries of sunshine seem to have melted into the rich reds +and grays and cream-color of its walls, under which runs a quarter of a +mile of flower-border, a glowing mass of color, yet as full of delicate +and varied detail as the border of an illuminated missal. Everywhere +this modern wealth and splendor of flowers is arranged, as jewels in a +setting, within the architectural plan of the old garden. There the dark +yews retain their intended proportion, the silver fountain rises where +it was meant to rise, although it sprinkles new, unthought-of lilies. +Behind it, on either side the stately vista of water, and beside it, in +the straight alley, the trees in the freshness and fulness of their +leafage, stand tall and green, less trim and solid it may be, but +essentially as they were meant to stand when the garden grew long ago in +the brain of a man. And out there beyond the terrace the Thames flows +quietly, silverly on, seeming to shine with the memory of all the +loveliness those gliding waters have reflected, since their ripples +played with the long, tremulous image of Lechlade spire. + +Seen from the cool, deep-windowed rooms of the Palace, where now the +pictures hang and hundreds of plebeian feet tramp daily, the gardens +gave forth a burning yet pleasant glow of heat and color in the full +sunshine. Tims and Mr. Fitzalan, having eaten their frugal lunch early +under the blossoming chestnut-trees in Bushey Park, went into the +Picture Gallery in the Palace at an hour when it happened to be almost +empty. The queer-looking woman not quite young, and the little, bald, +narrow-chested, short-sighted man, would not have struck the passers-by +as being a pair of lovers. A few sympathetic smiles, however, had been +bestowed upon another couple seated in the deep window of one of the +smaller rooms; a pretty young woman and an attractive man. The young man +had disposed his hat and a newspaper in such a way as not to make it +indecently obvious that he was holding her hand. It was she who called +attention to the fact by hasty attempts to snatch it away when people +came in. + +"What do you do that for?" asked the young man. "There's not the +slightest chance of any one we know coming along." + +"But George--" + +"Do try and adapt yourself to your _milieu_. These people are probably +blaming me for not putting my arm around your waist." + +"George! What an idiot you are!" She laughed a nervous laugh. + +By this time the last party of fat, dark young women in rainbow hats, +and narrow-shouldered, anæmic young men, had trooped away towards food. +Goring waited till the sound of their footsteps had ceased. He was +holding Mildred's hand, but he had drawn it out from under the newspaper +now, and the gay audacity of his look had changed to something at once +more serious and more masterful. + +"I don't like your seeming afraid, Mildred," he said. "It spoils my idea +of you. I like to think of you as a high-spirited creature, conscious +enough of your own worth to go your own way and despise the foolish +comments of the crowd." + +To hear herself so praised by him made the clear pink rise to Mildred's +cheeks. How could she bear to fall below the level of his expectation, +although the thing he expected of her had dangers of which he was +ignorant? + +"I'm glad you believe that of me," she said; "although it's not quite +true. I cared a good deal about the opinion of the world before--before +I knew you; only I was vain enough to think it would never treat me very +badly." + +"It won't," he replied, his audacious smile flashing out for a moment. +"It'll come sneaking back to you before long; it can't keep away. +Besides, I'm cynic enough to know my own advantages, Mildred. Society +doesn't sulk forever with wealthy people, whatever they choose to do." + +She answered low: "But I shouldn't care if it did, George. I want +you--just to go right away with you." + +A wonderful look of joy and tenderness came over his face. "Mildred! Can +it really be you saying that?" he breathed. "Really you, Mildred?" + +They looked each other in the eyes and were silent a minute; but while +the hand next the window held hers, the other one stole out farther to +clasp her. He was too much absorbed in that gaze to notice anything +beyond it; but Mildred was suddenly aware of steps and a voice in the +adjoining room. Tims and Mr. Fitzalan, in the course of a conscientious +survey of all the pictures on the walls, had reached this point in their +progress. The window-seat on which Goring and Mildred were sitting was +visible through a doorway, and Tims had on her strongest glasses. + +Since her engagement, Tims's old-maidish bringing up seemed to be +bearing fruit for the first time. + +"I think we'd better cough or do something," she said. "There's a couple +in there going on disgracefully. I do think spooning in public such bad +form." + +"I dare say they think they're alone," returned the charitable Mr. +Fitzalan, unable to see the delinquents because he was trying to put a +loose lens back into his eye-glasses. Tims came to his assistance, +talking loudly; and her voice was of a piercing quality. Mildred, +leaning forward, saw Mr. Fitzalan and Tims, both struggling with +eye-glasses. She slipped from George's encircling arm and stood in the +doorway of the farther room, beckoning to him with a scared face. He got +up and followed her. + +"What's the matter?" he asked, more curious than anxious; for an +encounter with Lady Augusta in person could only precipitate a crisis he +was ready to welcome. Why should one simple, definite step from an old +life to a new one, which his reason as much as his passion dictated, be +so incredibly difficult to take? + +Mildred hurried him away, explaining that she had seen some one she knew +very well. He pointed out that it was of no real consequence. She could +not tell him that if Tims suspected anything before the decisive step +was taken, one of the safeguards under which she took it might fail. + +They found no exit at the end of the suite of rooms, still less any +place of concealment. Tims and Mr. Fitzalan came upon them discussing +the genuineness of a picture in the last room but one. When Tims saw +that it was Mildred, she made some of the most dreadful grimaces she had +ever made in her life. Making them, she approached Mildred, who seeing +there was no escape, turned around and greeted her with a welcoming +smile. + +"Were you--were you sitting on that window-seat?" asked Tims, fixing her +with eyes that seemed bent on piercing to her very marrow. + +Mildred smiled again, with a broader smile. + +"I don't know about 'that window-seat.' I've sat on a good many +window-seats, naturally, since I set forth on this pilgrimage. Is there +anything particular about that one? I've never seen Hampton Court +before, Mr. Fitzalan, so as some people I knew were coming to-day, I +thought I'd come too. May I introduce Mr. Goring?" + +So perfectly natural and easy was Mildred's manner, that Tims already +half disbelieved her own eyes. They must have played her some trick; yet +how could that be? She recalled the figures in the window-seat, as seen +with all the peculiar, artificial distinctness conferred by strong +glasses. The young man called Goring had smiled into the hidden face of +his companion in a manner that Tims could not approve. She made up her +mind that as soon as she had leisure she would call on Mildred and +question her once more, and more straitly, concerning the mystery of +that window-seat. + + + + +CHAPTER XXX + + +On Monday and Tuesday an interesting experiment which she was conducting +under Carus claimed Tims's whole attention, except for the evening +hours, which were dedicated to Mr. Fitzalan. But she wrote to say that +Mildred might expect her to tea on Wednesday. On Wednesday the post +brought her a note from Mildred, dated Tuesday, midnight. + + "DEAR TIMS,--I am afraid you will not find me to-morrow + afternoon, as I am going out of town. But do go to tea with + Tony, who is just back from the sea and looking bonny. He is + such a darling! I always mind leaving him, although of + course I am not his mother. Oh, dear, I am so sleepy, I + hardly know what I am saying. Good-bye, Tims, dear. I am + very glad you are so happy with that nice Mr. Fitzalan of + yours. + + Yours, + + M. B. S." + +So far the note, although bearing signs of haste, was in Mildred's usual +clear handwriting; but there was a postscript scrawled crookedly across +the inner sides of the sheet and prefixed by several flourishes: + + "Meet me at Paddington 4.30 train to-morrow. Meet me. + M." + +Another flourish followed. + +The note found Tims at the laboratory, which she had not intended +leaving till half-past four. But the perplexing nature of the +postscript, conflicting as it did with the body of the letter, made her +the more inclined to obey its direction. + +She arrived at Paddington in good time and soon caught sight of Mildred, +although for the tenth part of a second she hesitated in identifying +her; for Mildred seldom wore black, although she looked well in it. +To-day she was dressed in a long, black silk wrap--which, gathered about +her slender figure by a ribbon, concealed her whole dress--and wore a +long, black lace veil which might have baffled the eyes of a mere +acquaintance. Tims could not fail to recognize that willowy figure, with +its rare grace of motion, that amber hair, those turquoise-blue eyes +that gleamed through the swathing veil with a restless brilliancy +unusual even in them. With disordered dress and hat on one side, Tims +hastened after Mildred. + +"So here you are!" she exclaimed; "that's all right! I managed to come, +you see, though it's been a bit of a rush." + +Mildred looked around at her, astonished, possibly dismayed; but the +veil acted as a mask. + +"Well, this is a surprise, Tims! What on earth brought you here? Is +anything the matter?" + +"Just what I wanted to know. Why are you in black? Going to a funeral?" + +"Good Heavens, no! The only funeral I mean to go to will be my own. But, +Tims, I thought you were going to tea with Tony. Why have you come +here?" + +"Didn't you tell me to come in the postscript of your letter?" + +Mildred was evidently puzzled. + +"I don't remember anything about it," she said. "I was frightfully tired +when I wrote to you--in fact, I went to sleep over the letter; but I +can't imagine how I came to say that." + +Tims was not altogether surprised. She had had an idea that Mildred was +not answerable for that postscript, but Mildred herself had no clew to +the mystery, never having been told of Milly's written communication of +a year ago. She sickened at the possibility that in some moment of +aberration she might have written words meant for another on the note to +Tims. + +Tims felt sure that Milly wished her to do something--but what? + +"Where are you going?" she asked. "What are you going to do?" + +"I'm going to stay with some friends who have a house on the river, and +I'm going to do--what people always do on the river. Any other questions +to ask, Tims?" + +"Yes. I should like to know who your friends are." + +Mildred laughed nervously. + +"You won't be any the wiser if I tell you." And in the instant she +reflected that what she said was true. "I am going to the Gorings'." + +The difference between that and the exact truth was only the difference +between the plural and the singular. + +"Don't go, old girl," said Tims, earnestly. "Come back to Tony with me +and wait till Ian comes home." + +Mildred was very pale behind the heavy black lace of her veil and her +heart beat hard; but she spoke with self-possession. + +"Don't be absurd, Tims. Tony is perfectly well, and there's Mr. Goring +who is to travel down with me. How can I possibly go back? You're +worrying about Milly, I suppose. Well, I'm rather nervous about her +myself. I always am when I go away alone. You don't mind my telling them +to wire for you if I sleep too long, do you? And you'd come as quick as +ever you could? Think how awkward it would be for Milly and for--for the +Gorings." + +"I'd come right enough," returned Tims, sombrely. "But if you feel like +that, don't go." + +"I don't feel like that," replied Mildred; "I never felt less like it, +or I shouldn't go. Still, one should be prepared for anything that may +happen. All the same, I very much doubt that you will ever see your poor +friend Milly again, Tims. You must try to forgive me. Now do make haste +and go to darling Tony--he's simply longing to have you. I see Mr. +Goring has taken our places in the train, and I shall be left behind if +I don't go. Good-bye, old Tims." + +Mildred kissed Tims's heated, care-distorted face, and turned away to +where Goring stood at the book-stall buying superfluous literature. Tims +saw him lift his hat gravely to Mildred. It relieved her vaguely to +notice that there seemed no warmth or familiarity about their greeting. +She turned away towards the Metropolitan Railway, not feeling quite sure +whether she had failed in an important mission or merely made a fool of +herself. + +She found Tony certainly looking bonny, and no more inclined to break +his heart about his mother's departure than any other healthy, happy +child under like circumstances. Indeed, it may be doubted whether a +healthy, happy child, unknowing whence its beatitudes spring, does not +in its deepest, most vital moment regard all grown-up people as +necessary nuisances. No one came so delightfully near being another +child as Mildred; but Tims was a capital playfellow too, a broad +comedian of the kind appreciated on the nursery boards. + +A rousing game with him and an evening at the theatre with Mr. Fitzalan, +distracted Tims's thoughts from her anxieties. But at night she dreamed +repeatedly and uneasily of Milly and Mildred as of two separate persons, +and of Mr. Goring, whose vivid face seen in the full light of the window +at Hampton Court, returned to her in sleep with a distinctness +unobtainable in her waking memory. + +On the following day her work with Sir James Carus was of absorbing +interest, and she came home tired and preoccupied with it. Yet her +dreams of the night before recurred in forms at once more confused and +more poignant. At two o'clock in the morning she awoke, crying aloud: "I +must get Milly back"; and her pillow was wet with tears. For the two +following hours she must have been awake, because she heard all the +quarters strike from a neighboring church-tower, yet they appeared like +a prolonged nightmare. The emotional impression of some forgotten dream +remained, and she passed them in an agony of grief for she knew not +what, of remorse for having on a certain summer afternoon denied Milly's +petition for her assistance, and of intense volition, resembling prayer, +for Milly's return. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXI + + +The intense heat of early afternoon quivered on the steep woods which +fell to the river opposite the house. The sunlit stream curved under +them, moving clear and quiet over depths of brown, tangled +water-growths, and along its fringe of gray and green reeds and grasses +and creamy plumes of meadow-sweet. The house was not very large. It was +square and white; an old wistaria, an old Gloire-de-Dijon, and a newer +carmine cluster-rose contended for possession of its surface. Striped +awnings were down over all the lower windows and some of the upper. A +large lawn, close-shorn and velvety green, as only Thames-side lawns can +be, stretched from the house to the river. It had no flower-beds on it, +but a cedar here, an ilex there, dark and substantial on their own dark +shadows, and trellises and pillars overrun by a flood of roses of every +shade, from deep crimson to snow white. The lawn was surrounded by +shrubberies and plantations, and beyond it there was nothing to be seen +except the opposite woods and the river, and sometimes boats passing by +with a measured sound of oars in the rowlocks, or the temporary +commotion of a little steam-launch. It looked a respectable early +Victorian house, but it had never been quite that, for it had been +built by George Goring's father fifty years earlier, and he himself had +spent much of his boyhood there. + +Everything and every one seemed asleep, except a young man in flannels +with a flapping hat hanging over his eyes, who stood at the end of a +punt and pretended to fish. There was no one to look at him or at the +house behind him, and if there had been observers, they would not have +guessed that they were looking at the Garden of Eden and that he was +Adam. Only last evening he and that fair Eve of his had stood by the +river in the moonlight, where the shattering hawthorn-bloom made the air +heavy with sweetness, and had spoken to each other of this their +exquisite, undreamed-of happiness. There had been a Before, there would +be an After, when they must stand on their defence against the world, +must resist a thousand importunities, heart-breaking prayers, to return +to the old, false, fruitless existence. + +But just for these days they could be utterly alone in their paradise, +undisturbed even by the thoughts of others, since no one knew they were +there and together. Alas! they had been so only forty-eight hours, and +already a cold little serpent of anxiety had crept in among their roses. + +Before entrusting herself to him, Mildred had told him that, in spite of +her apparent good health, she was occasionally subject to long +trance-like fits, resembling sleep; should this happen, it would be +useless to call an ordinary doctor, but that a Miss Timson, a well-known +scientific woman and a friend of hers, must be summoned at once. He had +taken Miss Timson's address and promised to do so; but Mildred had not +seemed to look upon the fit as more than a remote contingency. Perhaps +the excitement, the unconscious strain of the last few days had upset +her nerves; for this morning she had lain in what he had taken for a +natural sleep, until, finding her still sleeping profoundly at noon, he +had remembered her words and telegraphed to Miss Timson. An answer to +his telegram, saying that Miss Timson would come as soon as possible, +lay crumpled up at the bottom of the punt. + +The serpent was there, but Goring did not allow its peeping coils +thoroughly to chill his roses. His temperament was too sanguine, he felt +too completely steeped in happiness, the weather was too beautiful. Most +likely Mildred would be all right to-morrow. + +Meantime, up there in the shaded room, she who had been Mildred began to +stir in her sleep. She opened her eyes and gazed through the square +window, at the sunlit awning that overhung it, and at the green leaves +and pale buds of the Gloire-de-Dijon rose. There was a hum of bees close +by that seemed like the voice of the hot sunshine. It should have been a +pleasant awakening, but Milly awoke from that long sleep of hers with a +brooding sense of misfortune. The remembrance of the afternoon when she +had so suddenly been snatched away returned to her, but it was not the +revelation of Ian's passionate love for her supplanter that came back to +her as the thing of most importance. Surely she must have known that +long before, for now the pain seemed old and dulled from habit. It was +the terrible strength with which the Evil Spirit had possessed her, +seizing her channels of speech even while she was still there, hurling +her from her seat without waiting for the passivity of sleep. No, her +sense of misfortune was not altogether, or even mainly, connected with +that last day of hers. Unlike Mildred, she had up till now been without +any consciousness of things that had occurred during her quiescence, and +she had now no vision; only a strong impression that something terrible +had befallen Ian. + +She looked around the bedroom, and it seemed to her very strange; +something like an hotel room, yet at once too sumptuous and too shabby. +There was a faded pink flock wall-paper with a gilt pattern upon it, the +chairs were gilded and padded and covered with worn pink damask, the bed +was gilded and hung with faded pink silk curtains. Everywhere there was +pink and gilding, and everywhere it was old and faded and rubbed. A few +early Victorian lithographs hung on the walls, portraits of +ballet-dancers and noblemen with waists and whiskers. No one had tidied +the room since the night before, and fine underclothing was flung +carelessly about on chairs, a fussy petticoat here, the bodice of an +evening dress there; everywhere just that touch of mingled daintiness +and disorder which by this time Milly recognized only too well. + +The bed was large, and some one else had evidently slept there besides +herself, for the sheet and pillow were rumpled and there was a +half-burnt candle and a man's watch-chain on the small table beside it. +Wherever she was then, Ian was there too, so that she was at a loss to +understand her own sinister foreboding. + +She pulled at the bell-rope twice. + +There were only three servants in the house; a housekeeper and two +maids, who all dated from the days of Mrs. Maria Idle, ex-mistress of +the late Lord Ipswich, dead herself now some six months. The housekeeper +was asleep, the maids out of hearing. She opened the door and found a +bathroom opposite her bedroom. It had a window which showed her a strip +of lawn with flower-beds upon it, beyond that shrubberies and tall trees +which shut out any farther view. A hoarse cuckoo was crying in the +distance, and from the greenery came a twittering of birds and sometimes +a few liquid pipings; but there was no sound of human life. The place +seemed as empty as an enchanted palace in a fairy story. + +Milly's toilet never took her very long. She put on a fresh, simple +cotton dress, which seemed to have been worn the day before, and was +just hesitating as to whether she should go down or wait for Ian to +come, when Clarkson, the housekeeper, knocked at her door. + +"I thought if you was awake, madam, you might like a bit of lunch," she +said. + +Milly refused, for this horrible feeling of depression and anxiety made +her insensible to hunger. She looked at the housekeeper with a certain +surprise, for Clarkson was as decorated and as much the worse for wear +as the furniture of the bedroom. She was a large, fat woman, laced into +a brown cashmere dress, with a cameo brooch on her ample bosom; her hair +was unnaturally black, curled and dressed high on the top of her head, +she had big gold earrings, and a wealth of powder on her large, red +face. + +"Can you tell me where I am likely to find Mr. Stewart?" asked Milly, +politely. + +The woman stared, and when she answered there was more than a shade of +insolence in her coarse voice and smile. + +"I'm sure I can't tell, madam. Mr. Stewart's not our gentleman here." + +Milly, understanding the reply as little as the housekeeper had +understood the question, yet felt that some impertinence was intended +and turned away. + +There was nothing for it but to explore on her own account. A staircase +of the dull Victorian kind led down to a dark, cool hall. The front door +was open. She walked to it and stood under a stumpy portico, looking +out. The view was much the same as that seen from the bathroom, only +that instead of grass and flower-beds there was a gravel sweep, and, +just opposite the front door, a circle of grass with a tall +monkey-puzzle tree in the centre. Except for the faded gorgeousness of +the bedroom, the house looked like an ordinary country house, belonging +to old people who did not care to move with the times. Why should she +feel at every step a growing dread of what might meet her there? + +She turned from the portico and opened, hesitatingly, the door of a room +on the opposite side of the hall. It was a drawing-room, with traces of +the same shabby gorgeousness that prevailed in the bedroom, but +mitigated by a good deal of clean, faded chintz; and at one end was a +brilliant full-length Millais portrait of Mrs. Maria Idle in blue silk +and a crinoline. It was a long room, pleasant in the dim light; for +although it had three windows, the farthest a French one and open, all +were covered with awnings, coming low down and showing nothing of the +outer world but a hand's breadth of turf and wandering bits of creeper. +It was sweet with flowers, and on a consol table before a mirror stood a +high vase from which waved and twined tall sprays and long streamers of +cluster-roses, carmine and white. It was beautiful, yet Milly turned +away from it almost with a shudder. She recognized the touch of the hand +that must have set the roses there. And the nameless horror grew upon +her. + +Except for the flowers, there was little sign of occupation in the room. +A large round rosewood table was set with blue glass vases on mats and +some dozen photograph--albums and gift-books, dating from the sixties. +But on a stool in a corner lay a newspaper; and the date on it gave her +a shock. She had supposed herself to have been away about four months; +she found she had been gone sixteen. There had been plenty of time for a +misfortune to happen, and she felt convinced that it had happened. But +what? If Ian or Tony were dead she would surely still be in mourning. +Then on a little rosewood escritoire, such as ladies were wont to use +when they had nothing to write, she spied an old leather writing-case +with the initials M. B. F. upon it. It was one Aunt Beatrice had given +her when she first went to Ascham, and it seemed to look on her +pleasantly, like the face of an old friend. She found a few letters in +the pockets, among them one from Ian written from Berlin a few days +before, speaking of his speedy return and of Tony's amusing letter from +the sea-side. She began to hope her feeling of anxiety and depression +might be only the shadow of the fear and anguish which she had suffered +on that horrible afternoon sixteen months ago. She must try not to think +about it, must try to be bright for Ian's sake. Some one surely was with +her at this queer place, since she was sharing a room with another +person--probably a female friend of that Other's, who had such a crowd +of them. + +She drew the awning half-way up and stood on the step outside the French +window. The lawn, the trees, the opposite hills were unknown to her, but +the spirit of the river spoke to her familiarly, and she knew it for the +Thames. A gardener in shirt-sleeves was filling a water-barrel by the +river, under a hawthorn-tree, and the young man in the punt was putting +up his fishing-tackle. As she looked, the strangeness of the scene +passed away. She could not say where it was, but in some dream or vision +she had certainly seen this lawn, that view, before; when the young man +turned and came nearer she would know his face. And the dim, horrible +thing that was waiting for her somewhere about the quiet house, the +quiet garden, seemed to draw a step nearer, to lift its veil a little. +Who was it that had stood not far from where the gardener was standing +now, and seen the moon hanging large and golden over the mystery of the +opposite woods? Whoever it was, some one's arm had been fast around her +and there had been kisses--kisses. + +It took but a few seconds for these half-revelations to drop into her +mind, and before she had had time to reflect upon them, the young man in +the punt looked up and saw her standing there on the step. He took off +his floppy hat and waved it to her; then he put down his tackle, ran to +the near end of the punt and jumped lightly ashore. He came up the green +lawn, and her anxiety sent her down to meet him almost as eagerly as +love would have done. The hat shaded all the upper part of his face, and +at a distance, in the strong sunshine, the audacious chin, the red lower +lip, caught her eye first and seemed to extinguish the rest of the face. +And suddenly she disliked them. Who was the man, and how did she come to +know him? But former experiences of strange awakenings had made her +cautious, self-controlling, almost capable of hypocrisy. + +"So you're awake!" shouted George, still a long way down the lawn. +"Good! How are you? All right?" + +She nodded "Yes," with a constrained smile. + +In a minute they had met, he had turned her around, and with his arm +under hers was leading her towards the house again. + +"All right? Really all right?" he asked very softly, pressing her arm +with his hand and stooping his head to bring his mouth on a level with +her ear. + +"Very nearly, at any rate," she answered, coldly, trying to draw away +from him. + +"What are you doing that for?" he asked. "Afraid of shocking the +gardener, eh? What queer little dear little ways you've got! I suppose +Undines are like that." + +He drew her closer to him as he threw back his head and laughed a noisy +laugh that jarred upon her nerves. + +Milly began to feel indignant. It was just possible that a younger +sister in Australia might have married and brought this extraordinary +young man home to England, but his looks, his tone, were not fraternal; +and she had never forgotten the Maxwell Davison episode. She walked on +stiffly. + +"Every one seems to be out," she observed, as calmly as she could. + +He frowned. + +"You mean those devils of servants haven't been looking after you?" he +asked. "Yet I gave Clarkson her orders. Of course they're baggages, but +I haven't had the heart to send them away from the old place, for who on +earth would take them? I expect we aren't improving their chances, you +and I, at this very moment; in spite of respecting the gardener's +prejudices." + +He chuckled, as at some occult joke of his own. + +They stooped together under the half-raised awning of the French window, +and entered the dim, flower-scented drawing-room side by side. The young +man threw off his hat, and she saw the silky ripple of his nut-brown +hair, his smooth forehead, his bright-glancing hazel eyes, all the happy +pleasantness of his countenance. Before she had had time to reconsider +her dislike of him, he had caught her in his arms and kissed her hair +and face, whispering little words of love between the kisses. For one +paralyzed moment Milly suffered these dreadful words, these horrible +caresses. Then exerting the strength of frenzy, she pushed him from her +and bounded to the other side of the room, entrenching herself behind +the big rosewood table with its smug mats and vases and albums. + +"You brute! you brute! you hateful cad!" she stammered with trembling +lips; "how dare you touch me?" + +George Goring stared at her with startled eyes. + +"Mildred! Dearest! Good God! What's gone wrong?" + +"Where's my husband?" she asked, in a voice sharp with anger and terror. +"I want to go--I must leave this horrid place at once." + +"Your husband?" + +It was Goring's turn to feel himself plunged into the midst of a +nightmare, and he grew almost as pale as Milly. How in Heaven's name was +he going to manage her? She looked very ill and must of course be +delirious. That would have been alarming in any case, and this +particular form of delirium was excruciatingly painful. + +"Yes, my husband--where is he? I shall tell him how you've dared to +insult me. I must go. This is your house--I must leave it at once." + +Goring did not attempt to come near her. He spoke very quietly. + +"Try and remember, Mildred; Stewart is not here. He will not even be in +England till to-morrow. You are alone with me. Hadn't you better go to +bed again and--" he was about to say, "wait until Miss Timson comes," +but as it was possible that the advent of the person she had wished him +to summon might now irritate her, he substituted--"and keep quiet? I +promise not to come near you if you don't wish to see me." + +"I am alone here with you?" Milly repeated, slowly, and pressed her hand +to her forehead. "Good God," she moaned to herself, "what can have +happened?" + +"Yes. For Heaven's sake, go and lie down. I expect the doctor can give +you something to soothe your nerves and then perhaps you'll remember." + +She made a gesture of fierce impatience. + +"You think I'm mad, but I'm not. I have been mad and I am myself again; +only I can't remember anything that's happened since I went out of my +mind. I insist upon your telling me. Who are you? I never saw you before +to my knowledge." + +Her voice, her attitude were almost truculent as she faced him, her +right hand dragging at the loose clasp of a big photograph album. Every +word, every look, was agony to Goring, but he controlled himself by an +effort. + +"I am George Goring," he said, slowly, and paused with anxious eyes +fixed upon her, hoping that the name might yet stir some answering +string of tenderness in the broken lyre of her mind. + +She too paused, as though tracking some far-off association with the +name. Then: + +"Ah! poor Lady Augusta's husband," she repeated, yet sterner than before +in her anger. "My friend Lady Augusta's husband! And why am I here alone +with you, Mr. Goring?" + +"Because I am your lover, Mildred. Because I love you better than any +one or any thing in the world; and yesterday you thought you loved me, +you thought you could trust all your life to me." + +She had known the answer already in her heart, but the fact stated +plainly by another, became even more dreadful, more intolerable, than +before. She uttered a low cry and covered her eyes with her hand. + +"Mildred--dearest!" he breathed imploringly. + +Then she raised her head and looked straight at him with flaming eyes, +this fair, fragile creature transformed into a pitiless Fury. She forgot +that indeed an Evil Spirit had dwelt within her; George Goring might be +victim rather than culprit. In this hour of her anguish the identity of +that body of hers, which through him was defiled, that honor of hers, +yes and of Ian Stewart's, which through him was dragged in the dust, +made her no longer able to keep clearly in mind the separateness of the +Mildred Stewart of yesterday from herself. + +"I tell you I was mad," she gasped; "and you--you vile, wicked man!--you +took advantage of it to ruin my life--to ruin my husband's life! You +must know Ian Stewart, a man whose shoes you are not fit to tie. Do you +think any woman in her senses would leave him for you? Ah!--" she +breathed a long, shuddering breath and her hand was clinched so hard +upon the loose album clasp that it ran into her palm. + +"Mildred!" cried George, staggered, stricken as though by some fiery +rain. + +"I ought to be sorry for your wife," she went on. "She is a splendid +woman, she has done nothing to deserve that you should treat her so +scandalously. But I can't--I can't"--a dry sob caught her voice--"be +sorry for any one except myself and Ian. I always knew I wasn't good +enough to be his wife, but I was so proud of it--so proud--and now--Oh, +it's too horrible! I'm not fit to live." + +George had sunk upon a chair and hidden his face in his hands. + +"Don't say that," he muttered hoarsely, almost inaudibly. "It was my +doing." + +She broke out again. + +"Of course it was. It's nothing to you, I suppose. You've broken my +husband's heart and mine too; you've hopelessly disgraced us both and +spoiled our lives; and all for the sake of a little amusement, a little +low pleasure. We can't do anything, we can't punish you; but if curses +were any use, oh, how I could curse you, Mr. Goring!" + +The sobs rising in a storm choked her voice. She rushed from the room, +closing the door behind her and leaving George Goring there, his head on +his hands. He sat motionless, hearing nothing but the humming silence of +the hot afternoon. + +Milly, pressing back her tears, flew across the hall and up the stairs. +The vague nightmare thing that had lurked for her in the shadows of the +house, when she had descended them so quietly, had taken shape at last. +She knew now the unspeakable secret of the pink and gold bedroom, the +shabbily gorgeous bed, the posturing dancers, the simpering, tailored +noblemen. The atmosphere of it, scented and close, despite the open +window, seemed to take her by the throat. She dared not stop to think, +lest this sick despair, this loathing of herself, should master her. To +get home at once was her impulse, and she must do it before any one +could interfere. + +It was a matter of a few seconds to find a hat, gloves, a parasol. She +noticed a purse in the pocket of her dress and counted the money in it. +There was not much, but enough to take her home, since she felt sure the +river shimmering over there was the Thames. She did not stay to change +her thin shoes, but flitted down the stairs and out under the portico, +as silent as a ghost. The drive curved through a shrubbery, and in a +minute she was out of sight of the house. She hurried past the lodge, +hesitating in which direction to turn, when a tradesman's cart drove +past. She asked the young man who was driving it her way to the station, +and he told her it was not very far, but that she could not catch the +next train to town if she meant to walk. He was going in that direction +himself and would give her a lift if she liked. She accepted the young +man's offer; but if he made it in order to beguile the tedium of his +way, he was disappointed. + +The road was dusty and sunny, and this gave her a reason for opening her +large parasol. She cowered under it, hiding herself from the women who +rolled by in shiny carriages with high-stepping horses; not so much +because she feared she might meet acquaintances, as from an instinctive +desire to hide herself, a thing so shamed and everlastingly wretched, +from every human eye. And so it happened that, when she was close to the +station, she missed seeing and being seen by Tims, who was driving to +Mr. Goring's house in a hired trap which he had sent to meet her. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXII + + +Milly took a ticket for Paddington and hurried to the train, which was +waiting at the platform, choosing an empty compartment. Action had +temporarily dulled the passion of her misery, her rage, her shuddering +horror at herself. But alone in the train, it all returned upon her, +only with a complete realization of circumstance which made it worse. + +It had been her impulse to rush to her home, to her husband, as for +refuge. Now she perceived that there was no refuge for her, no comfort +in her despair, but rather another ordeal to be faced. She would have to +tell her husband the truth, so far as she knew it. Good God! Why could +she not shake off from her soul the degradation, the burning shame of +this fair flesh of hers, and return to him with some other body, however +homely, which should be hers and hers alone? She remembered that the man +she loathed had said that Ian would not be back in England until +to-morrow. She supposed the Evil Thing had counted on stealing home in +time to meet him, and would have met him with an innocently smiling +face. + +A moment Milly triumphed in the thought that it was she herself who +would meet Ian and reveal to him the treachery of the creature who had +supplanted her in his heart. Then with a shudder she hid her face, +remembering that it was, after all, her own dishonor and his which she +must reveal. He would of course take her back, and if that could be the +end, they might live down the thing together. But it would not be the +end. "I am the stronger," that Evil Thing had said, and it was the +stronger. At first step by step, now with swift advancing strides, it +was robbing her of the months, the years, till soon, very soon, while in +the world's eyes she seemed to live and thrive, she would be dead; dead, +without a monument, without a tear, her very soul not free and in God's +hands, but held somewhere in abeyance. And Ian? Through what +degradation, to what public shame would he, the most refined and +sensitive of men, be dragged! His child--her child and Ian's--would grow +up like that poor wretched George Goring, breathing corruption, lies, +dishonor, from his earliest years. And she, the wife, the mother, would +seem to be guilty of all that, while she was really bound, +helpless--dead. + +The passion of her anger and despair stormed through her veins again +with yet greater violence, but this time George Goring was forgotten and +all its waves broke impotently against that adversary whose diabolical +power she was so impotent to resist, who might return to-morrow, to-day +for aught she knew. + +She had been moving restlessly about the compartment, making vehement +gestures in her desperation, but now a sudden, terrible, yet calming +idea struck her to absolute quietness. There was a way, just one, to +thwart this adversary; she could destroy the body into which it thought +to return. At the same moment there arose in her soul two opposing waves +of emotion--one of passionate self-pity to think that she, so weak and +timid, should be driven to destroy herself; the other of triumph over +her mortal foe delivered into her hands. She felt a kind of triumph too +in the instantaneousness with which she was able to make up her mind +that this was the only thing to be done--she, usually so full of mental +and moral hesitation. Let it be done quickly--now, while the spur of +excitement pricked her on. The Thing seemed to have a knowledge of her +experiences which was not reciprocal. How it would laugh if it +recollected in its uncanny way, that she had wanted to kill herself and +it with her, that she had had it at her mercy and then had been too weak +and cowardly to strike! Should she buy some poison when she reached +Paddington? She knew nothing about poisons and their effects, except +that carbolic caused terrible agony, and laudanum was not to be trusted +unless you knew the dose. The train was slowing up and the lonely river +gleamed silverly below. It beckoned to her, the river, upon whose stream +she had spent so many young, happy days. + +She got out at the little station and walked away from it with a quick, +light step, as though hastening to keep some pleasurable appointment. +After all the years of weak, bewildered subjection, of defeat and +humiliation, her turn had come; she had found the answer to the Sphinx's +riddle, the way to victory. + +She knew the place where she found herself, for she had several times +made one of a party rowing down from Oxford to London. But it was not +one of the frequented parts of the river, being a quiet reach among +solitary meadows. She remembered that there was a shabby little house +standing by itself on the bank where boats could be hired, for they had +put in there once to replace an oar, having lost one down a weir in the +neighborhood. The weir had not been on the main stream, but they had +come upon it in exploring a backwater. It could not be far off. + +She walked quickly along the bank, turning over and over in her mind the +same thoughts; the cruel wrong which now for so many years she had +suffered, the final disgrace brought upon her and her husband, and she +braced her courage to strike the blow that should revenge all. The act +to which this fair-haired, once gentle woman was hurrying along the +lonely river-bank, was not in its essence suicide; it was revenge, it +was murder. + +When she came to the shabby little house where the boats lay under an +unlovely zinc-roofed shed, she wondered whether she might ask for ink +and paper and write to some one. She longed to send one little word to +Ian; but then what could she say? She could not have seen him and +concealed the truth from him, but it was one of the advantages of her +disappearance that he need never know the dishonor done him. And she +knew he considered suicide a cowardly act. He was quite wrong there. It +was an act of heroic courage to go out like this to meet death. It was +so lonely; even lonelier than death must always be. She had the +conviction that she was not doing wrong, but right. Hers was no common +case. And for the first time she saw that there might be a reason for +this doom which had befallen her. Men regard one sort of weakness as a +sin to be struggled against, another as something harmless, even +amiable, to be acquiesced in. But perhaps all weakness acquiesced in was +a sin in the eyes of Eternal Wisdom, was at any rate to be left to the +mercy of its own consequences. She looked back upon her life and saw +herself never exerting her own judgment, always following in some one +else's tracks, never fighting against her physical, mental, moral +timidity. It was no doubt this weakness of hers that had laid her open +to the mysterious curse which she was now, by a supreme effort of +independent judgment and physical courage, resolved to throw off. + +A stupid-looking man in a dirty cotton shirt got out the small boat she +chose; stared a minute in surprise to see the style in which she, an +Oxford girl born and bred, handled the sculls, and then went in again to +continue sleeping off a pint of beer. + +She pulled on mechanically, with a long, regular stroke, and one by one +scenes, happy river-scenes out of past years, came back to her with +wonderful vividness. Looking about her she saw an osier-bed dividing +the stream, and beside it the opening into the willow-shaded backwater +which she remembered. She turned the boat's head into it. Heavy clouds +had rolled up and covered the sky, and there was a kind of twilight +between the dark water and the netted boughs overhead. Very soon she +heard the noise of a weir. Once such a sound had been pleasant in her +ears; but now it turned her cold with fear. On one side the backwater +flowed sluggishly on around the osier-bed; on the other it hurried +smoothly, silently away, to broaden suddenly before it swept in white +foam over an open weir into a deep pool below. She trembled violently +and the oars moved feebly in her hands, chill for all the warmth of the +afternoon. Her boat was in the stream which led to the weir, but not yet +fully caught by the current. A few more strokes and the thing would be +done, she would be carried quickly on and over that dancing, sparkling +edge into the deep pool below. Her courage failed, could not be screwed +to the sticking-point; she hung on the oars, and the boat, as if +answering to her thought, stopped, swung half around. As she held the +boat with the oars and closed her eyes in an anguish of hesitation and +terror, a strange convulsion shook her, such as she had felt once +before, and a low cry, not her own, broke from her lips. + +"No--no!" they uttered, hoarsely. + +The Thing was there then, awake to its danger, and in another moment +might snatch her from herself, return laughing at her cowardice, to that +house by the river. She pressed her lips hard together, and silently, +with all the strength of her hate and of her love, bent to the oars. The +little boat shot forward into mid-stream, the current seized it and +swept it rapidly on towards the dancing edge of water. She dropped the +sculls and a hoarse shriek broke from her lips; but it was not she who +shrieked, for in her heart was no fear, but triumph--triumph as of one +who is at length avenged of her mortal enemy. + + * * * * * + +In the darkened drawing-room, the room so full of traces of all that had +been exquisite in Mildred Stewart, Ian mourned alone. Presently the door +opened a little, and a tall, slender, childish figure in a white smock, +slipped in and closed it gently behind him. Tony stole up to his father +and stood between his knees. He looked at Ian, silent, pale, large-eyed. +That a grown-up person and a man should shed tears was strange, even +portentous, to him. + +"Won't Mummy come back, not ever?" asked the child at last, piteously, +in a half whisper. + +"No, never, Tony; Mummy won't ever come back. She's gone--gone for +always." + +The child looked in his father's eyes strangely, penetratingly. + +"Which Mummy?" he asked. + + +THE END + + * * * * * + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Invader, by Margaret L. 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Woods + </title> + <style type="text/css"> +/*<![CDATA[ XML blockout */ +<!-- +body{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + background-color:#FFFFFF; + } + + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; +} + +p { + margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; +} + +hr { + width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; +} + +a[name] { position: static; } +a:link {color:#0000ff; text-decoration:none; } +a:visited {color:#0000ff; text-decoration:none; } +a:hover { color:#ff0000; } +.f1 { margin-left:50%; } +.f2 { margin-left:65%; } +.f3 { margin-left:55%; } + +.pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ + /* visibility: hidden; */ + position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: smaller; + text-align: right; +} /* page numbers */ + +.blockquot { + margin-left: 5%; + margin-right: 10%; +} +.center {text-align: center;} + +.smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + +/* Images */ +.figcenter { + margin: auto; + text-align: center; +} + +/* XML end ]]>*/ + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Invader, by Margaret L. Woods + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Invader + A Novel + +Author: Margaret L. Woods + +Release Date: February 23, 2009 [EBook #28162] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE INVADER *** + + + + +Produced by Sankar Viswanathan, David Clarke, and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net +(This file was produced from images generously made +available by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<div class="figcenter"><img src="images/title_page.jpg" alt="Title Page" width="500" height="793" /></div> + +<h1>The Invader</h1> + +<h4>A NOVEL</h4> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h3>By</h3> + +<h2>Margaret L. Woods</h2> +<p> </p> +<div class="figcenter"><img src="images/seal.jpg" alt="Seal" width="150" height="182" /></div> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<h3>New York and London</h3> + +<h3>Harper & Brothers Publishers</h3> + +<h3>1907</h3> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + +<h5>Copyright, 1907, by <span class="smcap">Harper & Brothers</span>.</h5> + +<h5>Published May, 1907. +</h5> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + + +<h3>TO</h3> + +<h2>Hilda Greaves</h2> + +<h3>AND THE DUMB COMPANIONS OF TAN-YR-ALLT<br /> +THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED BY THEIR<br /> +GRATEFUL AND AFFECTIONATE<br /> +FRIEND</h3> + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[1]</a></span></p> +<h2>THE INVADER</h2> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2>CHAPTER I</h2> + + +<p>Dinner was over and the ladies had just risen, when the Professor had +begged to introduce them to the new-comer on his walls. The Invader, it +might almost have been called, this full-length, life-size portrait, +which, in the illumination of a lamp turned full upon it, seemed to take +possession of the small room, to dominate at the end of the polished-oak +table, where the light of shaded candles fell on old blue plates, old +Venetian glass, a bit of old Italian brocade, and chrysanthemums in a +china bowl coveted by collectors. Every detail spoke of the +connoisseurship, the refined and personal taste characteristic of Oxford +in the eighties. The authority on art put up his eye-glasses and +fingered his tiny forked beard uneasily.</p> + +<p>"There's no doubt it's a good thing, Fletcher," he said, presently—"really +quite good. But it's too like Romney to be Raeburn, and too like Raeburn to +be Romney. You ought to be able to find out the painter, if, as you say, +it's a portrait of your own great-grandmother—"<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span></p> + +<p>"He did say so!" broke in Sanderson, exultantly. "He said it was an +ancestress. Fletcher, you're a vulgar fraud. You've got no ancestress. +You bought her. There's a sale-ticket still on the frame under the +projection at the right-hand lower corner. I saw it."</p> + +<p>Sanderson was a small man and walked about perpetually, except when +taking food: sometimes then. He was a licensed insulter of his friends, +and now stood before the picture in a belligerent attitude. The +Professor stroked his amber beard and smiled down on Sanderson.</p> + +<p>"True, O Sanderson; and at the same time untrue. I did buy the picture, +and the lady was my great-grandmother once, but she did not like the +position and soon gave it up. This picture must have been done after she +had given it up."</p> + +<p>"Is this a conundrum or blather, invented to hide your ignominy in a +cloud of words?" asked Sanderson.</p> + +<p>"It's a <i>hors d'œuvre</i> before the story," interposed Ian Stewart, +throwing back his tall dark head and looking up at the picture through +his eye-glasses, his handsome face alive with interest. "'Tak' awa' the +kickshaws,' Fletcher, 'and bring us the cauf.'"</p> + +<p>The Professor gathered his full beard in one hand and smiled +deprecatingly.</p> + +<p>"I don't know how the ladies will like my ex-great-grandmother's story. +It was a bit of a scandal at the time."</p> + +<p>"Never mind, Mr. Fletcher," cried a young<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span> married woman, with a face +like a seraph, "we're all educated now, and scandal about a lady with +her waist under her arms becomes simply classical."</p> + +<p>"Not so bad as that, Mrs. Shaw, I assure you," returned the Professor; +"but I dare say you all know as much as I do about my great-grandmother, +for she was the well-known Lady Hammerton."</p> + +<p>There were sounds of interest and surprise, for most of the party knew +her name, and were curious to learn how she came to be Professor +Fletcher's great-grandmother. Mr. Fletcher explained:</p> + +<p>"My great-grandfather was a distinguished professor in Edinburgh a +hundred years ago. When he was a widower of forty with a family, he was +silly enough to fall in love with a little miss of sixteen. He taught +her Latin and Greek—which was all very well—and married her, which was +distinctly unwise. She had one son—my grandfather—and then ran away +with an actor from London. After that she made a certain sensation on +the stage, but I suspect she was clever enough to see that her real +successes were personal ones; at all events, she made a good marriage as +soon as ever she got the chance. The Hammerton family naturally +objected. You'll find all about it in those papers which have come out +lately. I believe, ladies, they were almost as much scandalized by her +learning as by her morals."</p> + +<p>"She told Sydney Smith years after, I think," observed Stewart, "that +she had to be a wit lest<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span> people should find out she was a blue. There's +a good deal about her in the Englefield <i>Memoirs</i>. She travelled +extraordinarily for a woman in those days, and most of the real +treasures at Hammerton House come from her collections."</p> + +<p>"I thought they were nearly all burned in a great fire, and she was +burned trying to save them," said Mrs. Shaw.</p> + +<p>"A good many were saved," returned Fletcher; "she had rushed back to +fetch a favorite bronze, was seen hurling it out of the window—and was +never seen again."</p> + +<p>"She must have been a very remarkable woman," commented Stewart, +meditatively, his eyes still fixed on the picture.</p> + +<p>"Know nothing about her myself," remarked Sanderson; "Stewart knows +something about everybody. It's sickening the way he spends his time +reading gossip and calling it history."</p> + +<p>"Gossip's like many common things, interesting when fossilized," +squeaked a little, white-haired, pink-faced old gentleman, like an +elderly cherub in dress-clothes. He had remained at the other end of the +room because he did not care for pictures. Now he toddled a little +nearer and every one made way for him with a peculiar respect, for he +was the Master of Durham, whose name was great in Oxford and also in the +world outside it. He looked up first at the pictured face and then at +Milly Flaxman, a young cousin of Fletcher's and a scholar of Ascham +Hall, who had taken her First in Mods, and was hoping to get one in +Greats. The Master liked young<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span> girls, but they had to be clever as well +as pleasing in appearance to attract his attention.</p> + +<p>"It's very like Miss Flaxman," he squeaked.</p> + +<p>Every one turned their eyes from the picture to Milly, whose pale cheeks +blushed a bright pink. The blush emphasized her resemblance to her +ancestress, whose brilliant complexion, however, hinted at rouge. +Milly's soft hair was amber-colored, like that of the lady in the +picture, but it was strained back from her face and twisted in a minute +knot on the nape of her neck. That was the way in which her aunt Lady +Thomson, whose example she desired to follow in all things, did her +hair. The long, clearly drawn eyebrows, dark in comparison with the +amber hair, the turquoise blue eyes, the mouth of the pictured lady were +curiously reproduced in Milly Flaxman. Possibly her figure may have been +designed by nature to be as slight and supple, yet rounded, as that of +the white-robed, gray-scarfed lady above there. But something or some +one had intervened, and Milly looked stiff and shapeless in a green +velveteen frock, scooped out vaguely around her white young throat and +gathered in clumsy folds under a liberty silk sash.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Shaw cried out enraptured at the interesting resemblance which had +escaped them all, to be instantly caught by the elderly cherub in the +background, who did not care about art, while the Professor explained +that both Milly's parents were, like himself, great-grandchildren of +Lady Hammerton. The seraph now fell upon Milly, too shy to resist, had<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span> +out her hair-pins in a trice and fingered the fluffy hair till it made +an aureole around her face. Then by some conjuring trick producing a +gauzy white scarf, Mrs. Shaw twisted it about the girl's head, in +imitation of the lady on the wall, who had just such a scarf, but with a +tiny embroidered border of scarlet, twisted turban-wise and floating +behind.</p> + +<p>"There!" she cried, pushing the feebly protesting Milly into the full +light of the lamp the Professor was holding, "allow me to present to you +the new Lady Hammerton!"</p> + +<p>There was a moment of wondering silence. Milly's pulses beat, for she +felt Ian Stewart's eyes upon her. Neither he nor any one else there had +ever quite realized before what capacities for beauty lay hid in the +subdued young face of Milly Flaxman. She had nothing indeed of the +charm, at once subtle and challenging, of the lady above there. She, +with one hand on the gold head of a tall cane, looking back, seemed to +dare unseen adorers to follow her into a magic, perhaps a fatal +fairyland of mountain and waterfall and cloud; a land whose dim mists +and silver gleams seemed to echo the gray and the white of her floating +garments, its autumn leaves to catch a faint reflection from her hair, +while far off its sky showed a thin line of sunset, red like the border +of her veil. Milly's soft cheeks and lips were flushed, her eyes bright +with a mixture of very innocent emotions, as she stood with every one's +eyes, including Ian Stewart's, upon her.</p> + +<p>But in a minute the Master took up Mrs. Shaw's remark.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span></p> + +<p>"No," he said, emphatically; "not a new Lady Hammerton; only a rather +new Miss Flaxman; and that, I assure you, is something very preferable."</p> + +<p>"I'm quite sure the Master knows something dreadful about your +great-grandmother, Mr. Fletcher," laughed Mrs. Shaw.</p> + +<p>"I think we'd better go before he tells it," interposed Mrs. Fletcher, +who saw that Milly was feeling shy.</p> + +<p>When the ladies had left, the men reseated themselves at the table and +there was a pause. Everyone waited for the Master, who seemed meditating +speech.</p> + +<p>"My mother," he said—and somehow they all felt startled to learn the +fact that the Master had had a mother—"my mother knew Lady Hammerton in +the twenties. She was often at Bath."</p> + +<p>The thin, staccato voice broke off abruptly, and three out of the five +other men present being the Master's pupils, remained silent, knowing he +had not finished. But Mr. Toovey, a young don overflowing with mild +intelligence, exclaimed, deferentially:</p> + +<p>"Really, Master! Really! How extremely interesting! Now do please tell +us a great deal about Lady Hammerton."</p> + +<p>The Master took no notice whatever of Toovey. He sat about a minute +longer in his familiar posture, looking before him, his little round +hands on his little round knees. Then he said:</p> + +<p>"She was a raddled woman."</p> + +<p>And his pupils knew he had finished speaking.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span> What he had said was +disappointingly little, but uttered in that strange high voice of his, +it contained an infinite deal more than appeared on the face of it. A +whole discreditable past seemed to emerge from that one word "raddled." +Ian Stewart, to whose imagination the woman in the picture made a +strange appeal, now broke a lance with the Master on her account.</p> + +<p>"She may have been raddled, Master," he said, "but she must have been +very remarkable and charming too. Hammerton himself was no fool, yet he +adored her to the last."</p> + +<p>The Master seemed to hope some one else would speak; but finding that no +one did, he uttered again:</p> + +<p>"Men often adore bad wives. That does not make them good ones."</p> + +<p>Stewart tossed a rebel lock of raven black hair back from his forehead.</p> + +<p>"Pardon me, Master, it does make them good wives for those men."</p> + +<p>"Oh, surely not good for their higher natures!" protested Toovey, +fervently.</p> + +<p>The Master took three deliberate sips of port wine.</p> + +<p>"I think, Stewart, we are discussing matters we know very little about," +he said, in a particularly high, dry voice; and every one felt that the +discussion was closed. Then he turned to Sanderson and made some remark +about a house which Sanderson's College, of which he was junior bursar, +was selling to Durham.</p> + +<p>Fletcher, the only married man present, mourned inwardly over his own +masculine stupidity. He<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span> felt sure that if his wife had been there she +would have gently led Stewart's mind through these paradoxical +matrimonial fancies, to dwell on another picture; a picture of marriage +with a nice girl almost as pretty as Lady Hammerton, a good girl who +shared his tastes, and, above all, who adored him. David Fletcher felt +himself pitiably unequal to the task, although he was as anxious as his +wife was that Stewart should marry Milly. Did not all their friends wish +it? It seemed to them that there could not be a more suitable couple. If +Milly was working so terribly hard to get her First in Greats, it was +largely because Mr. Stewart was one of her tutors and she knew he +thought a good deal of success in the Schools.</p> + +<p>There could be no doubt about Milly Flaxman's goodness; in fact, some of +the girls at Ascham complained that it "slopped over." Her clothes were +made on hygienic principles which she treated as a branch of morals, and +she often refused to offer the small change of polite society because it +weighed somewhat light in the scales of truth. But these were foibles +that the young people's friends were sure Ian Stewart would never +notice. As to him, although only four and thirty, he was already a +distinguished man. A scholar, a philosopher, and an archæologist, he had +also imagination and a sense of style. He had written a brilliant book +on Greek life at a particular period, which had brought him a reputation +among the learned and also found readers in the educated public. His +disposition was sweet, his character unusually high, judged even<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span> by the +standard of the academic world, which has a higher standard than most. +Obviously he would make an excellent husband; and equally obviously, as +he had no near relations and his health was delicate, it would be a +capital thing for him to have a home of his own and a devoted wife to +look after him. Their income would be small, but not smaller than that +of most young couples in Oxford, who contrived, nevertheless, to live +refined and pleasant lives and to be well-considered in a society where +money positively did not count.</p> + +<p>But if Fletcher did not succeed in forwarding this matrimonial scheme in +the dining-room, his wife succeeded no better when the gentlemen came +into the drawing-room. She rose from a sofa in the corner, leaving Milly +seated there; but Mr. Toovey made his way straight to Miss Flaxman, +without a glance to right or left, and bending over her before he seated +himself at her side, fixed upon her a patronizing, a possessive smile +which would have made some girls long for a barbarous freedom in the +matter of face-slapping. But Milly Flaxman was meek. She took Archibald +Toovey's seriousness for depth, and as his attentions had become +unmistakable, had several times lain awake at night tormenting herself +as to whether her behavior towards him was or was not right. Accordingly +she submitted to being monopolized by Mr. Toovey, while Ian Stewart +turned away and made himself pleasant to an unattractive lady-visitor of +the Fletchers', who looked shy and left-alone. When Mrs. Fletcher tried +to effect a change of partners,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span> Ian explained that he found himself +unexpectedly obliged to attend a College meeting at ten o'clock. In a +place where there are no offices to close and business engagements are +liable to crop up at any time in the evening, there was no need for +extravagance of apology for this early departure.</p> + +<p>He changed his shoes in the narrow hall and put on his seedy-looking +dark overcoat, quite unconscious that Mrs. Fletcher had had the collar +mended since he had taken it off. Then he went out into the damp +November night, unlit by moon or star. But to Stewart the darkness of +night, on whatever corner of earth he might chance to find it descended, +remained always a romantic, mysterious thing, setting his imagination +free among visionary possibilities, without form, but not for that void. +The road between the railing of the parks and the row of old lopped +elms, was ill-lighted by the meagre flame of a few gas-lamps and hardly +cheered by the smothered glow of the small prison-like windows of Keble, +glimmering through the bare trees. There was not a sound near, except +the occasional drip of slow-collecting dews from the branches of the old +elms. Afar, too, many would have said there was not a sound; but there +was, and Ian's ear was attuned to catch it. The immense inarticulate +whisper of night came to him. It came to him from the deserted parks, +from the distant Cherwell flowing through its willow-roots and +osier-islands, from the flat meadow-country beyond, stretching away to +the coppices of the low boundary hills. It was a voice made up of many<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span> +whispers, each imperceptible, or almost imperceptible in itself; whisper +of water and dry reeds, of broken twigs and dry leaves fluttering to the +ground, of heaped dead leaves or coarse winter grass, stirring in some +slight movement of the air. It seemed to his imagination as though under +the darkness, in the loneliness of night, the man-mastered world must be +secretly transformed, returned to its primal freedom; and that could he +go forth into it alone, he would find it quite different from anything +familiar to him, and might meet with something, he knew not what, +secret, strange, and perhaps terrible.</p> + +<p>Such fancies, though less crystallized than they must needs be by words, +floated in the penumbra of his mind, coming to him perhaps with the +blood of remote Highland ancestors, children of mountains and mist. His +reasonable self was perfectly aware that should he go, he would find +nothing in the open fields at that hour except a sleeping cow or two, +and would return wet as to the legs, and developing a severe cold for +the morning. But he heard these far-off whisperings of the night +playing, as it were, a mysterious "ground" to his thoughts of Milly +Flaxman. The least fatuous of men, he had yet been obliged to see that +his friends in general and the Fletchers in particular, wished him to +marry Milly, and that the girl herself hung upon his words with a +tremulous sensitivity even greater than the enthusiastic female student +usually exhibits towards those of her lecturer. In the abstract he +intended to marry; for he did not desire<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span> to be left an old bachelor in +college. He had been waiting for the great experience of falling in +love, and somehow it had never come to him. There were probably numbers +of people to whom it never did come. Should he now give up all hope of +it, and make a marriage of reason and of obligingness, such as his +marriage with Miss Flaxman would assuredly be? Thank Heaven! as her +tutor he could not possibly propose to her till she had got through the +Schools, so there were more than six months in which to consider the +question.</p> + +<p>And while he communed thus with himself, the mysterious whispers of the +night came nearer to him, in the blackness of garden trees, ancient +trees of College gardens brooding alone, whispering alone through the +dark hours, of that current of young life which is still flowing past +them; how for hundreds of years it has always been flowing, and always +passing, passing, passing so quickly to the great silent sea of death +and oblivion, to the dark night whose silence is only sometimes stirred +by vague whispers, anxious yet faint, dying upon the ear before the +sense can seize them.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER II</h2> + + +<p>Parties in Oxford always break up early, and Milly had a good excuse for +carrying her aching, disappointed heart back to Ascham at ten o'clock, +for every one knew she was working hard. Too hard, Mr. Fletcher said, +looking concernedly at her heavy eyes, mottled complexion, and the +little crumples which were beginning to come in her low white forehead. +Her cousins, however, had more than a suspicion that these marks of care +and woe were not altogether due to her work, but that Ian Stewart was +accountable for most of them.</p> + +<p>The Professor escorted her to the gates of the Ladies' College; but she +walked down the dark drive alone, mindful of familiar puddles, and +hearing nothing of those mysterious whispers of night which in Ian +Stewart's ears had breathed a "ground" to his troubled thoughts of her.</p> + +<p>She mounted the stairs to her room at the top of the house. It was an +extremely neat room, and by day, when the bed was disguised as a sofa, +and the washstand closed, there was nothing to reveal that it served as +a bedroom, although a tarnished old mirror hung in a dark corner. The +oak table and pair of brass candlesticks upon it were kept in shining +order by Milly's own zealous hands.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span></p> + +<p>Milly found her books open at the right place and her writing materials +ready to hand. In a very few minutes her outer garments and simple +ornaments were put away, and clothed in a clean but shrunk and faded +blue dressing-gown, she sat down to work. The work was Aristotle's +<i>Ethics</i>, and she was going through it for the second time, amplifying +her notes. But this second time the Greek seemed more difficult, the +philosophic argument more intricate than ever. She had had very little +sleep for weeks, and her head ached in a queer way as though something +inside it were strained very tight. It was plain that she had come to +the end of her powers of work for the present—and she had calculated +that only by not wasting a day, except for a week's holiday at Easter, +could she get through all that had to be done before the Schools!</p> + +<p>She put Aristotle away and opened Mommsen, but even to that she could +not give her attention. Her thoughts returned to the bitter +disappointment which the evening had brought. Ian Stewart had been next +her at dinner, but even then he had talked to her rather less than to +Mrs. Shaw. Afterwards—well, perhaps it was only what she deserved for +not making it plain to poor Mr. Toovey that she could never return his +feelings. And now the First, which she had looked to as a thing that +would set her nearer the level of her idol, was dropping below the +horizon of the possible. Aunt Beatrice always said—and she was +right—that tears were not, as people pretended, a help and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span> solace in +trouble. They merely took the starch out of you and left you a poor +soaked, limp creature, unfit to face the hard facts of life. But +sometimes tears will lie heavy and scalding as molten lead in the brain, +until at length they force their way through to the light. And Milly +after blowing her nose a good deal, as she mechanically turned the pages +of Mommsen, at length laid her arms on the book and transferred her +handkerchief to her eyes. But she tried to look as though she were +reading when Flora Timson came in.</p> + +<p>"At it again, M.! You know you're simply working yourself stupid."</p> + +<p>Thus speaking, Miss Timson, known to her intimates at Ascham as "Tims," +wagged sagely her very peculiar head. A crimson silk handkerchief was +tied around it, turban-wise, and no vestige of hair escaped from +beneath. There was in fact none to escape. Tims's sallow, comic little +face had neither eyebrows nor eyelashes on it, and her small figure was +not of a quality to triumph over the obvious disadvantages of a tight +black cloth dress with bright buttons, reminiscent of a page's suit.</p> + +<p>Milly pushed the candles farther away and looked up.</p> + +<p>"I was wanting to see you, Tims. Do tell me whether you managed to get +out of Miss Walker what Mr. Stewart said about my chances of a First."</p> + +<p>Tims pushed her silk turban still higher up on her forehead.</p> + +<p>"I can always humbug Miss Walker and make her say lots of indiscreet +things," Tims returned,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span> with labored diplomacy. "But I don't repeat +them—at least, not invariably."</p> + +<p>There was a further argument on the point, which ended by Milly shedding +tears and imploring to be told the worst.</p> + +<p>Tims yielded.</p> + +<p>"Stewart said your scholarship was A 1, but he was afraid you wouldn't +get your First in Greats. He said you had a lot of difficulty in +expressing yourself and didn't seem to get the lead of their philosophy +and stuff—and—and generally wanted cleverness."</p> + +<p>"He said that?" asked Milly, in a low, sombre voice, speaking as though +to herself. "Well, I suppose it's better for me to know—not to go on +hoping, and hoping, and hoping. It means less misery in the end, no +doubt."</p> + +<p>There was such a depth of despair in her face and voice that Tims was +appalled at the consequence of her own revelation. She paced the room in +agitation, alternately uttering incoherent abuse of her friend's folly +and suggesting that she should at once abandon the ungrateful School of +<i>Literæ Humaniores</i> and devote herself like Tims, to the joys of +experimental chemistry and the pleasures of practical anatomy.</p> + +<p>Meantime, Milly sat silent, one hand supporting her chin, the other +playing with a pencil.</p> + +<p>At length Tims, taking hold of Milly under the arms, advised her to "go +to bed and sleep it off."</p> + +<p>Milly rose dully and sat on the edge of her bed, while Tims awkwardly +removed the hair-pins which<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span> Mrs. Shaw had so deftly put in. But as she +was laying them on the little dressing-table, Milly suddenly flung +herself down on the bed and lay there a twisted heap of blue flannel, +her face buried in the pillows, her whole body shaken by a paroxysm of +sobs. Tims supposed that this might be a good thing for Milly; but for +herself it created an awkward situation. Her soothing remarks fell flat, +while to go away and leave her friend in this condition would seem +brutal. She sat down to "wait till the clouds rolled by," as she phrased +it. But twenty minutes passed and still the clouds did not roll by.</p> + +<p>"Look here, M." she said, argumentatively, standing by the bed. "You're +in hysterics. That's what's the matter with you."</p> + +<p>"I know I am," came in tones of muffled despair from the pillow.</p> + +<p>"Well!" Tims was very stern and accented her words heavily, +"then—pull—yourself—together—dear girl. Sit up!"</p> + +<p>Milly sat up, pressed her handkerchief over her face, and held her +breath. For a minute all was quiet; then another violent sob forced a +passage.</p> + +<p>"It's no use, Tims," she gasped. "I cannot—cannot—stop. Oh, what +would—!" She was going to say, "What would Aunt Beatrice think of me if +she knew how I was giving way!" but a fresh flood of tears suppressed +her speech. "My head's so bad! Such a splitting headache!"</p> + +<p>Tims tried scolding, slapping, a cold sponge, every<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span> remedy inexperience +could suggest, but the hysterical weeping could not be checked.</p> + +<p>"Look here, old girl," she said at length, "I know how I can stop you, +but I don't believe you'll let me do it."</p> + +<p>"No, not that, Tims! You know Miss Burt doesn't—"</p> + +<p>"Doesn't approve. Of course not. Perhaps you think old B. would approve +of the way you're going on now. Ha! Would she!"</p> + +<p>The sarcasm caused a new and alarming outburst. But finally, past all +respect for Miss Burt, and even for Lady Thomson herself, Milly +consented to submit to any remedy that Tims might choose to try.</p> + +<p>She was assisted hurriedly to undress and put to bed. Tims knew the +whereabouts of the prize-medal which Milly had won at school, and +placing the bright silver disk in her hand, directed her to fix her eyes +upon it. Seated on her heels on the patient's bed, her crimson turban +low on her forehead, her face screwed into intent wrinkles, Tims began +passing her slight hands slowly before Milly's face.</p> + +<p>The long slender fingers played about the girl's fair head, sometimes +pressed lightly upon her forehead, sometimes passed through her fluffy +hair, as it lay spread on the pillow about her like an amber cloud.</p> + +<p>"Don't cry, M.," Tims began repeating in a soft, monotonous voice. +"You've got nothing to cry about; your head doesn't ache now. Don't +cry."</p> + +<p>At first it was only by a strong effort that Milly<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span> could keep her +tear-blinded eyes fixed on the bright medal before her; but soon they +became chained to it, as by some attractive force. The shining disk +seemed to grow smaller, brighter, to recede imperceptibly till it was a +point of light somewhere a long way off, and with it all the sorrows and +agitations of her mind seemed also to recede into a dim distance, where +she was still aware of them, yet as though they were some one else's +sorrows and agitations, hardly at all concerning her. The aching tension +of her brain was relaxed and she felt as though she were drowning +without pain or struggle, gently floating down, down through a green +abyss of water, always seeing that distant light, showing as the sun +might show, seen from the depths of the sea.</p> + +<p>Before a quarter of an hour had passed, her sobs ceased in sighing +breaths, the breaths became regular and normal, the whole face slackened +and smoothed itself out. Tims changed the burden of her song.</p> + +<p>"Go to sleep, Milly. What you want is a good long sleep. Go to sleep, +Milly."</p> + +<p>Milly was sinking down upon the pillow, breathing the calm breath of +deep, refreshing slumber. Tims still crouched upon the bed, chanting her +monotonous song and contemplating her work. At length she slipped off, +conscious of pins-and-needles in her legs, and as she withdrew, Milly +with a sudden motion stretched her body out in the white bed, as +straight and still almost as that of the dead. The movement was +mechanical, but it gave<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span> a momentary check to Tims's triumph. She leaned +over her patient and began once more the crooning song.</p> + +<p>"Go to sleep, M.! What you want is a good long sleep. Go to sleep, +Milly!"</p> + +<p>But presently she ceased her song, for it was evident that Milly Flaxman +had indeed gone very sound asleep.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER III</h2> + + +<p>Tims was proud of the combined style and economy of her dress. She was +constantly discovering and revealing to an unappreciative world the +existence of superb tailors who made amazingly cheap dresses. For two +years she had been vainly advising her friends to go to the man who had +made her the frock she still wore for morning; a skirt and coat of tweed +with a large green check in it, a green waistcoat with gilt buttons, and +green gaiters to match. In this costume and coiffed with a man's wig, of +the vague color peculiar to such articles, Tims came down at her usual +hour, prepared to ask Milly what she thought of hypnotism now. But there +was no Milly over whom to enjoy this petty triumph. She climbed to the +top story as soon as breakfast was over, and entering Milly's room, +found her patient still sleeping soundly, low and straight in the bed, +just as she had been the preceding night. She was breathing regularly +and her face looked peaceful, although her eyes were still stained with +tears. The servant came in as Tims was looking at her.</p> + +<p>"I've tried to wake Miss Flaxman, miss," she said. "She's always very +particular as I should wake her, but she was that sound asleep this +morn<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span>ing, I 'adn't the 'eart to go on talking. Poor young lady! I expect +she's pretty well wore out, working away at her books, early and late, +the way she does."</p> + +<p>"Better leave her alone, Emma," agreed Tims. "I'll let Miss Burt know +about it."</p> + +<p>Miss Burt was glad to hear Milly Flaxman was oversleeping herself. She +had not been satisfied with the girl's appearance of late, and feared +Milly worked too hard and had bad nights.</p> + +<p>Tims had to go out at ten o'clock and did not return until +luncheon-time. She went up to Milly's room and knocked at the door. As +before, there was no answer. She went in and saw the girl still sound +asleep, straight and motionless in the bed. Her appearance was so +healthy and natural that it was absurd to feel uneasy at the length of +her slumber, yet remembering the triumph of hypnotism, Tims did feel a +little uneasy. She spoke to Miss Burt again about Milly's prolonged +sleep, but Miss Burt was not inclined to be anxious. She had strictly +forbidden Tims to hypnotize—or as she called it, mesmerize—any one in +the house, so that Tims said no more on the subject. She was working at +the Museum in the early part of the afternoon, only leaving it when the +light began to fail. But after work she went straight back to Ascham. +Milly was still asleep, but she had slightly shifted her position, and +altogether there was something about her aspect which suggested a +slumber less profound than before. Tims leaned over her and spoke +softly:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Wake up, M., wake up! You've been asleep quite long enough."</p> + +<p>Milly's body twitched a little. A responsive flicker which was almost a +convulsion, passed over her face; but she did not awake. It was evident, +however, that her spirit was gradually floating up to the surface from +the depths of oblivion in which it had been submerged. Tims took off her +Tam-o'-Shanter and ulster, and revealed in the simple elegance of the +tweed frock with green waistcoat and gaiters, put the kettle on the +fire. Then she went down-stairs to fetch some bread and butter and an +egg, wherewith to feed the patient when she awoke.</p> + +<p>She had not long left the room when the slumberer's eyes opened +gradually and stared with the fixity of semi-consciousness at a stem of +blossoming jessamine in the wall-paper. Then she slowly stretched her +arms above her head until some inches of wrist, slight and round and +white, emerged from the strictly plain night-gown sleeve. So she lay, +till suddenly, almost with a start, she pulled herself up and looked +about her. The gaze of her wide-open eyes travelled questioningly around +the quiet-toned room which two windows at right angles to each other +still kept light with the reflection of a yellow winter sunset. She +pushed the bedclothes down, dropped first one bare white foot, then the +other to the ground and looked doubtfully at a pair of worn felt +slippers which were placed beside the bed, before slipping her feet into +them. With the same air as of one assuming garments which<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span> do not belong +to her, she put on the faded blue flannel dressing-gown. Then she walked +to the southern window. None of the glories of Oxford were visible from +it; only the bare branches of trees through which appeared a huddle of +somewhat sordid looking roofs and the unimposing spire of St. Aloysius. +With the same air, questioning yet as in a dream, she turned to the +western window, which was open. Below, in its wintry dulness, lay the +garden of the College, bounded by an old gray wall which divided it from +the straggling street; beyond that, a mass of slate roofs. But a certain +glory was on the slate roofs and all the garden that was not in shadow. +For away over Wytham, where the blue vapor floated in the folds of the +hills, blending imperceptibly with the deep brown of the leafless woods, +sunset had lifted a wide curtain of cloud and showed between the gloom +of heaven and earth, a long straight pool of yellow light.</p> + +<p>She leaned out of the window. A mild fresh air which seemed to be +pouring over the earth through that rift in heaven which the sunset had +made, breathed freshly on her face and the yellow light shone on her +amber hair, which lay on her shoulders about the length of the hair of +an angel in some old Florentine picture.</p> + +<p>Miss Burt in galoshes and with a wrap over her head was coming up the +garden. She caught sight of that vision of gold and pale blue in the +window and smiled and waved her hand to Milly Flaxman. The vision +withdrew, trembling slightly as though with cold, and closed the +window.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span></p> + +<p>Tims came in, carrying a boiled egg and a plate of bread and butter. +Tims put down the egg-cup and the plate on the table before she relaxed +the wrinkle of carefulness and grinned triumphantly at her patient.</p> + +<p>"Well, old girl," she asked; "what do you say to hypnotism now? Put +<i>you</i> to sleep, right enough, anyhow. Know what time it is?"</p> + +<p>The awakened sleeper made a few steps forward, leaned her hands on the +table, on the other side of which Tims stood, and gazed upon her with +startling intentness. Then she began to speak in a rapid, urgent voice. +Her words were in themselves ordinary and distinct, yet what she said +was entirely incomprehensible, a nightmare of speech, as though some +talking-machine had gone wrong and was pouring out a miscellaneous stock +of verbs, nouns, adjectives and the rest without meaning or cohesion. +Certain words reappeared with frequency, but Tims had a feeling that the +speaker did not attach their usual meaning to them. This travesty of +language went on for what appeared to the transfixed and terrified +listener quite a long time. At length the serious, almost tragic, +babbler, meeting with no response save the staring horror of Tims's too +expressive countenance, ended with a supplicating smile and a glance +which contrived to be charged at once with pathos and coquetry. This +smile, this look, were so totally unlike any expression which Tims had +ever seen on Milly's countenance that they heightened her feeling of +nightmare. But she pulled herself together and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span> determined to show +presence of mind. She had already placed a basket-chair by the fire +ready for her patient, and now gently but firmly led Milly to it.</p> + +<p>"Sit down, Milly," she said—and the use of her friend's proper name +showed that she felt the occasion to be serious—"and don't speak again +till you've had some tea. Your head will be clearer presently, it's a +bit confused now, you know."</p> + +<p>The stranger Milly, still so unlike the Milly of Tims's intimacy, far +from exerting the unnatural strength of a maniac, passively permitted +herself to be placed in the chair and listened to what Tims was saying +with the puzzled intentness of a child or a foreigner, trying to +understand. She laid her head back in its little cloud of amber hair, +and looked up at Tims, who, frowning portentously, once more with lifted +finger enjoined silence. Tims then concealing her agitation behind a +cupboard-door, reached down the tea-things. By some strange accident the +methodical Milly's teapot was absent from its place; a phenomenon for +which Tims was thankful, as it imposed upon her the necessity of leaving +her patient for a few minutes. Shaking her finger again at Milly still +more emphatically, she went out, and locked the door behind her. After a +moment's thought, she reluctantly decided to report the matter to Miss +Burt. But Miss Burt was closeted with the treasurer and an architect +from London, and was on no account to be disturbed. So Tims went up to +her own room and rapidly revolved the situation. She was certain<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span> that +Milly was not physically ill; on the contrary, she looked much better +than she had looked on the previous day. This curious affection of the +speech-memory might be hysterical, as her sobbing the night before had +been, or it might be connected with some little failure of circulation +in the brain; an explanation, perhaps, pointed to by the extraordinary +length of her sleep. Anyhow, Tims felt sceptical as to a doctor being of +any use.</p> + +<p>She went to her cupboard to take out her own teapot, and her eye fell +upon a small medicine bottle marked "Brandy." Milly was a convinced +teetotaller; all the more reason, thought Tims, why a dose of alcohol +should give her nerves and circulation a fillip, only she must not know +of it, or she would certainly refuse the remedy.</p> + +<p>Pocketing the bottle and flourishing the teapot, Tims mounted again to +Milly's room. Her patient, who had spent the time wandering about the +room and examining everything in it, as well as she could in the +fast-falling twilight, resumed her position in the chair as soon as she +heard a step in the passage, and greeted her returning keeper with an +attractive smile. Tims uttering words of commendation, slyly poured some +brandy into one of the large teacups before lighting the candles.</p> + +<p>"Now, my girl," she said, when she had made the tea, "drink this, and +you'll feel better."</p> + +<p>Milly leaned forward, her round chin on her hand, and looked intently at +the tea-service and at the proffered cup. Then she suddenly raised her +head,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span> clapped her hands softly, and cried in a tone of delighted +discovery, "Tea!"</p> + +<p>"Excuse me," she added, taking the cup with a little bow; and in two +seconds had helped herself to three lumps of sugar. Tims was surprised, +for Milly never took sugar in her tea.</p> + +<p>"That's right, M., you're going along well!" cried Tims, standing on the +hearth-rug, with one hand under her short coat-tails, while she gulped +her own tea, and ate two pieces of bread and butter put together. Milly +ate hers and drank her tea daintily, looking meanwhile at her companion +with wonder which gradually gave way to amusement. At length leaning +forward with a dimpling smile, she interrogated very politely and quite +lucidly.</p> + +<p>"Pardon me, sir, you are—? Ah, the doctor, no doubt! My poor head, you +see!" and she drew her fingers across her forehead.</p> + +<p>Tims started, and grabbed her wig, as was her wont in moments of +agitation. She stood transfixed, the teacup at a dangerous angle in her +extended hand.</p> + +<p>"Good God!" she ejaculated. "You are mad and no mistake, my poor old +girl."</p> + +<p>The "old girl" made a supreme effort to contain herself, and then burst +into a pretty, rippling laugh in which there was nothing familiar to +Tims's ear. She rose from her chair vivaciously and took the cup from +Tims's hand, to deposit it in safety on the chimney piece.</p> + +<p>"How silly I was!" she cried, regarding Tims sparklingly. "Do you know I +was not quite sure<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span> whether you were a man or a woman. Of course I see +now, and I'm so glad. I do like men, you know, so much better than +women."</p> + +<p>"Milly," retorted Tims, sternly, settling her wig. "You are mad, you +need not be bad as well. But it's my own fault for giving you that +brandy. You know as well as I do that I hate men—nasty, selfish, +guzzling, conceited, guffawing brutes! I never wanted to speak to a man +in my life, except in the way of business."</p> + +<p>Milly waved her amber head gracefully for a moment as though at a loss, +then returned playfully, "That must be because the women spoil you so."</p> + +<p>Tims smiled sardonically; but regaining her sense of the situation, out +of which she had been momentarily shocked, applied herself to the +problem of calling back poor Milly's wandering mind.</p> + +<p>"Sit down, my girl," she said, abruptly, putting her arm around Milly's +body, so soft and slender in the scanty folds of the blue dressing-gown. +Milly obeyed precipitately. Then drawing a small chair close to her, +Tims said in gentle tones which could hardly have been recognized as +hers:</p> + +<p>"M., darling, do you know where you are?"</p> + +<p>Milly turned on her a face from which the unnatural vivacity had fallen +like a mask; the appealing face of a poor lost child.</p> + +<p>"Am I—am I—in a <i>maison de santé</i>?" she asked tremulously, fixing her +blue eyes on Tims, full of piteous anxiety.</p> + +<p>"A lunatic asylum? Certainly not," replied<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span> Tims. "Now don't begin +crying again, old girl. That's how the trouble began."</p> + +<p>"Was it?" asked Milly, dreamily. "I thought it was—" she paused, +frowning before her in the air, as though trying to pursue with her +bodily vision some recollection which had flickered across her +consciousness only to disappear.</p> + +<p>"Well, never mind that now," said Tims, hastily; "get your bearings +right first. You're in Ascham College."</p> + +<p>"A College!" repeated Milly vaguely, but in a moment her face +brightened, "I know. A place of learning where they have professors and +things. Are you a professor?"</p> + +<p>"No, I'm a student. So are you."</p> + +<p>Milly looked fixedly at Tims, then smiled a melancholy smile. "I see," +she said, "we're both studying—medicine—medicine for the mind." She +stood up, locked her hands behind her head in her soft hair and wailed +miserably. "Oh, why won't some kind person come and tell me where I am, +and what I was before I came here?"</p> + +<p>Tears of wounded feelings sprang to Tims's eyes. "Milly, my beauty!" she +cried despairingly, "I'm trying to be kind to you and tell you +everything you want to know. Your name is Mildred Flaxman and you used +to live in Oxford here, but now all your people have gone to Australia +because your father's got a deanery there."</p> + +<p>"Have they left me here, mad and by myself?" asked Milly; "have I no one +to look after me, no one to give me a home?"<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I suppose Lady Thomson or the Fletchers would," returned Tims, "but you +haven't wanted one. You've been quite happy at Ascham. Do try and +remember. Can't you remember getting your First in Mods. and how you've +been working to get one in Greats? Your brain's been right enough until +to-day, old girl, and it will be again. I expect it's a case of collapse +of memory from overwork. Things will come back to you soon and I'll help +you all I can. Do try and recollect me—Tims." There was an unmistakable +choke in Tims's voice. "We have been such chums. The others are all +pretty nasty to me sometimes—they seem to think I'm a grinning, wooden +Aunt Sally, stuck up for them to shy jokes at. But you've never once +been nasty to me, M., and there's precious few things I wouldn't do to +help you. So don't go talking to me as though there weren't any one in +the world who cared a brass farthing about you."</p> + +<p>"I'm sure I'm most thankful to find I have got some one here who cares +about me," returned Milly, meekly, passing her hand across her eyes for +lack of a handkerchief. "You see, it's dreadful for me to be like this. +I seem to know what things are, and yet I don't know. A little while ago +it seemed to me I was just going to remember something—something +different from what you've told me. But now it's all gone again. Oh, +please give me a handkerchief!"</p> + +<p>Tims opened one of Milly's tidy drawers and sought for a handkerchief. +When she had found<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span> it, Milly was standing before the high +chimney-piece, over which hung a long, low mirror about a foot wide and +divided into three parts by miniature pilasters of tarnished gilt. The +mirror, too, was tarnished here and there, but it had been a good glass +and showed undistorted the blue Delft jars on the mantel-shelf, glimpses +of flickering firelight in the room, amber hair and the tear-bedewed +roses of a flushed young face. Suddenly Milly thrust the jars aside, +seized the candle from the table, and, holding it near her face, looked +intently, anxiously in the glass. The anxiety vanished in a moment, but +not the intentness. She went on looking. Tims had always perceived +Milly's beauty—which had an odd way of slipping through the world +unobserved—but had never seen her look so lovely as now, her eyes wide +and brilliant, and her upper lip curved rosily over a shining glimpse of +her white teeth.</p> + +<p>Beauty had an extraordinary fascination for Tims, poor step-child of +nature! Now she stood looking at the reflection of Milly without +noticing how in the background her own strange, wizened face peered dim +and grotesque from the tarnished mirror, like the picture of a witch or +a goblin behind the fair semblance of some princess in a fairy tale.</p> + +<p>"I do remember myself partly," said Milly, doubtfully; "and yet—somehow +not quite. I suppose I shall remember you and this queer place soon, if +they don't put me into a mad-house at once."</p> + +<p>"They sha'n't," said Tims, decisively. "Trust to me, M., and I'll see +you through. But I'm<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span> afraid you'll have to give up all thought of your +First."</p> + +<p>"My what," asked Milly, turning round inquiringly.</p> + +<p>"Your First Class, your place, you know, in the Final Honors School, +Lit. Hum., the biggest examination of the lot."</p> + +<p>"Do I want it very much, my First?"</p> + +<p>"Want it? I should just think you do want it!"</p> + +<p>Milly stared at the fire for a minute, warming one foot before she spoke +again. Then:</p> + +<p>"How funny of me!" she observed, meditatively.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER IV</h2> + + +<p>Tims's programme happened to be full on the following day, so that it +was half-past twelve before she knocked at Milly's door and was +admitted. Milly stood in the middle of the room in an attitude of +energy, with her small wardrobe lying about her on the floor in +ignominious heaps.</p> + +<p>"Tell me, Tims," said Milly, after the first inquiries, "are those +positively all the clothes I possess?"</p> + +<p>"Of course they are, M. What do you want with more?"</p> + +<p>"Are they in the fashion?" asked Milly, anxiously.</p> + +<p>Tims stared.</p> + +<p>"Fashion! Good Lord, M.! What does it matter whether you look the same +as every fool in the street or not?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, Tims!" cried Milly, laughing that pretty rippling laugh so strange +in Tims's ears. "I was quite right when I made a mistake, you're just +like a man. All the better. But you can't expect me not to care a bit +about my clothes like you, you really can't."</p> + +<p>Tims drew herself up.</p> + +<p>"You're wrong, my girl, I'm a deal fonder of frocks than you are. I +always think," she added,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span> looking before her dreamily, "that I was +meant to be a very good dresser, only I was brought up too economical." +Generally speaking, when Tims had uttered one of her deepest and truest +feelings, she would glance around, suddenly alert and suspicious to +surprise the twinkle in her auditor's eye. But in the clear blue of +Milly Flaxman's quiet eyes, she had ceased to look for that tormenting +twinkle, that spark which seemed destined to dance about her from the +cradle to the grave.</p> + +<p>Presently she found herself hanging up Milly's clothes while Milly paid +no attention; for she alternately stood before the glass in the dark +corner, and kneeled on the hearth-rug, curling-tongs in hand. And the +hair, the silky soft amber hair, which could be twisted into a tiny ball +or fluffed into a golden fleece at will, was being tossed up and pulled +down, combed here and brushed there, altogether handled with a zeal and +patience to which it had been a stranger since the days when it had been +the pride of the nursery. Tims the untidy, as one in a dream, went on +tidying the room she was accustomed to see so immaculate.</p> + +<p>"There!" cried Milly, turning, "that's how I wear it, isn't it?"</p> + +<p>"Good Lord, no!" exclaimed Tims, contemplating the transformed Milly. +"It suits you, M., in a way, but it looks queer too. The others will all +be hooting if you go down-stairs like that."</p> + +<p>Milly plumped into a chair irritably.</p> + +<p>"How ever am I to know how I did my hair if I can't remember? Please do +it for me."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span></p> + +<p>Tims smiled sardonically.</p> + +<p>"I'll lend you my hair," she said; "the second best. But <i>do</i> your hair! +You really are as mad as a hatter."</p> + +<p>Milly shrugged her shoulders.</p> + +<p>"You can't? Then I keep it like this," she said.</p> + +<p>An argument ensued. Tims left the room to try and find a photograph of +Milly as she had been.</p> + +<p>When she returned she found her friend standing in absorbed +contemplation of a book in her hand.</p> + +<p>"This is Greek, isn't it?" she asked, holding it up. Her face wore a +little frown as of strained attention.</p> + +<p>"Right you are," shrieked Tims in accents of relief. "Greek it is. Can +you read it?"</p> + +<p>"Not yet," replied Milly, flushing with excitement, "but I shall soon, I +know I shall. Last night I couldn't make head or tail of the books. Now +I understand right enough what they are, and I know some are in Greek +and some in English. I can't read either yet, but it's all coming back +gradually, like the daylight coming in at the window this morning."</p> + +<p>"Hooray! Hooray!" shouted Tims. "You'll be reading as hard as ever in a +week if I don't look after you. But see here, my girl, you've given me a +nasty jar, and I'm not going to let you break your heart or crack your +brain in a wild-goose chase. You can't get that First, you know; you're +on a fairly good Second Class level, and you'd better make up your mind +to stay there."</p> + +<p>"A fairly good Second Class level!" repeated Milly, still turning the +leaves of the book. "That<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span> doesn't sound very exhilarating—and I rather +think I shall do as I like about staying there."</p> + +<p>Tims began to heat.</p> + +<p>"Well, that's what Stewart said about you. I don't believe I told you +half plain enough what Stewart did say, for fear of hurting your +feelings. He said you are a good scholar, but barring that, you weren't +at all clever."</p> + +<p>Milly looked up from her book; but she was not tearful. There was a curl +in her lip and the light of battle in her eye.</p> + +<p>"Stewart said that, did he? Now if I were a gentleman I should +say—'damn his impudence'—and 'who the devil is Stewart'; but then I'm +not. You can say it."</p> + +<p>Tims stared. "Oh, come, I say!" she exclaimed. "I don't swear, I only +quote. But my goodness, when you remember who Stewart is, you'll +be—well, pained to think of the language you're using about him."</p> + +<p>"Why?" asked Milly, her head riding disdainfully on her slender neck.</p> + +<p>"Because he's your tutor and lecturer—and a regular tiptop man at Greek +and all that—and you—you respect him most awfully."</p> + +<p>"Do I?" cried Milly—"did perhaps in my salad days. I've no respect +whatever for professors now, my good Tims. I know what they're like. +Here's Stewart for you."</p> + +<p>She took up a pen and a scrap of paper and dashed off a clever ludicrous +sketch of a man with long hair, an immense brow, and spectacles.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Nonsense!" said Tims; "that's not a bit like him."</p> + +<p>She held the paper in her hand and looked fixedly at it. Milly had been +wont seriously to grieve over her hopeless lack of artistic talent and +she had never attempted to caricature. Tims was thinking of a young +fellow of a college who had lately died of brain disease. In the earlier +stages of his insanity, it had been remarked that he had an originality +which had not been his when in a normal state. What if her friend were +developing the same terrible disease? If it were so, it was no use +fussing, since there was no remedy. Still, she felt a desperate need to +take some sort of precaution.</p> + +<p>"If I were you, M.," she said, "I'd go to bed and keep very quiet for a +day or two. You're so—so odd, and excited, they'd notice it if you went +down-stairs."</p> + +<p>"Would they?" asked Milly, suddenly sobered. "Would they say I was mad?" +An expression of fear came into her face, and its strangely luminous +eyes travelled around the room with a look as of some trapped creature +seeking escape.</p> + +<p>There was an awkward pause.</p> + +<p>"I'm not mad," affirmed Milly, swallowing with a dry throat. "I'm +perfectly sensible, but any one would be odd and excited too who +was—was as I am—with a number of words and ideas floating in my mind +without my having the least idea where they spring from. Please, Tims +dear, tell me how I am to behave. I should so hate to be thought queer, +wanting in any way."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span></p> + +<p>Tims considered.</p> + +<p>"For one thing, you mustn't talk such a lot. You never have been one for +chattering; and lately, of course, with your overwork, you've been +particularly quiet. Don't talk, M., that's my advice."</p> + +<p>"Very well," replied Milly, gloomily.</p> + +<p>Tims hesitated and went on:</p> + +<p>"But I don't see how you're going to hide up this business about your +memory. I wish you'd let me tell old B., anyhow."</p> + +<p>"I won't have any one told," cried Milly. "Not a creature. If only +you'll help me, dear, dear Tims—you will help me, won't you?—I shall +soon be all right, and no one except you will ever know. No one will be +able to shrug their shoulders and say, whatever I do, 'Of course she's +crazy.' I should hate it so! I know I can get on if I try. I'm much +cleverer than you and that silly old Stewart think. Promise me, promise +me, darling Tims, you won't betray me!"</p> + +<p>Tims was not weak-minded, but she was very tender-hearted and +exceedingly susceptible to personal charms. She ought not, she knew she +ought not, to have yielded, but she did. She promised. Yet in her +friend's own interest, she contended that Milly must confess to a +certain failure of memory from over-fatigue, if only as a pretext for +dropping her work for a while. It was agreed that Milly should remain in +bed for several days, and she did so; less bored than might have been +expected, because she had the constant excitement of this or that bit of +knowledge filtering back into her mind.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span> But this knowledge was purely +intellectual. With Tims's help she had recovered her reading powers, and +although she felt at first only a vague recognition of something +familiar in the sense of what she read, it was evident that she was fast +regaining the use of the treasures stored in her brain by years of +dogged and methodical work. But the facts and personalities which had +made her own life seemed to have vanished, leaving "not a wrack behind."</p> + +<p>Tims, having primed her well beforehand, brought in the more important +girls to see her, and by dint of a cautious reserve she passed very well +with them, as with Miss Burt and Miss Walker. Tims seemed to feel much +more nervous than Milly herself did when she joined the other students +as usual.</p> + +<p>There were moments when Tims gasped with the certainty that the +revelation of her friend's blank ignorance of the place and people was +about to be made. Then Mildred—for so, despising the soft diminutive, +she now desired to be called—by some extraordinary exertion of tact and +ingenuity, would evade the inevitable and appear on the other side of +it, a little elated, but otherwise serene. It was generally marked that +Miss Flaxman was a different creature since she had given up worrying +about her Schools, and that no one would have believed how much prettier +she could make herself by doing her hair a different way.</p> + +<p>Miss Burt, however, was somewhat puzzled and uneasy. Although Milly was +looking unusually well, it was evident that all was not quite right with +her, for she complained of a failure of memory,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span> a mental fatigue which +made it impossible for her to go to lectures, and she seemed to have +lost all interest in the Schools, which had so lately been for her the +"be-all" as well as the "end-all here." Miss Burt knew Milly's only near +relation in England, Lady Thomson, intimately; and for that reason +hesitated to write to her. She knew that Beatrice Thomson had no +patience with the talk—often silly enough—about girls overworking +their brains. She herself had never been laid up in her life, except +when her leg was broken, and her views on the subject of ill-health were +marked. She regarded the catching of scarlet-fever or influenza as an +act of cowardice, consumption or any organic disease as scarcely, if at +all, less disgraceful than drunkenness or fraud, while the countless +little ailments to which feminine flesh seems more particularly heir she +condemned as the most deplorable of female failings, except the love of +dress.</p> + +<p>Eventually Miss Burt did write to Lady Thomson, cautiously. Lady Thomson +replied that she was coming up to town on Thursday, and could so arrange +her journey as to have an hour and a half in Oxford. She would be at +Ascham at three-thirty. Mildred rushed to Tims with the agitating news +and both were greatly upset by it. However, Aunt Beatrice had got to be +faced sometime or other and Mildred's spirit rose to the encounter.</p> + +<p>She had by this time provided herself with another dress, encouraged to +do so by the money in hand left by the frugal Milly the First. She had +got a plain tailor-made coat and skirt, in a be<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span>coming shade of brown; +and with the unbecoming hard collar <i>de rigueur</i> in those days, she wore +a turquoise blue tie, which seemed to reflect the color of her eyes. And +in spite of Tims's dissuasions, she put on the new dress on Thursday, +and declined to screw her hair up in the old way, as advised.</p> + +<p>Accordingly on Thursday at twenty-five minutes to four, Mildred +appeared, in answer to a summons, in the quiet-colored, pleasant +drawing-room at Ascham, with its French windows giving on to the lawn, +where some of the girls were playing hockey, not without cries. Her +first view of Aunt Beatrice was a pleasant surprise. A tall, upstanding +figure, draped in a long, soft cloak trimmed with fur, a handsome face +with marked features, marked eyebrows, a fine complexion and bright +brown eyes under a wide-brimmed felt hat.</p> + +<p>Having exchanged the customary peck, she waited in silence till Mildred +had seated herself. Then surveying her niece with satisfaction:</p> + +<p>"Come, Milly," said she, in a full, pleasant voice; "I don't see much +signs of the nervous invalid about you. Really, Polly," turning to Miss +Burt, "she has not looked so well for a long time."</p> + +<p>"She's been much better since she dropped her work," replied Miss Burt.</p> + +<p>"Taking plenty of fresh air and exercise, I suppose"—Aunt Beatrice +smiled kindly on her niece—"I'm afraid I've kept you from your hockey +this afternoon, Milly."</p> + +<p>"Oh no, Aunt Beatrice, certainly not," replied<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span> Milly, with the extreme +courtesy of nervousness. "I never play hockey now."</p> + +<p>Lady Thomson turned to the Head with a shade of triumph in her +satisfaction.</p> + +<p>"There, Polly! What did I tell you? I was sure there was something else +at the bottom of it. Steady work, methodically done, never hurt anybody. +But of course if she's given up exercise, her liver or something was +bound to get out of order."</p> + +<p>"No, really, I take lots of exercise," interposed Milly; "only I don't +care for hockey, it's such a horrid, rough, dirty game; don't you think +so? And Miss Walker got a front tooth broken last winter."</p> + +<p>Lady Thomson looked at her in a surprised way.</p> + +<p>"Well, if you've not been playing hockey, what exercise have you been +taking?"</p> + +<p>"Walks," replied Milly, feebly, feeling herself on the wrong track; "I +go walks with Ti—with Flora Timson when she has time."</p> + +<p>Aunt Beatrice looked at the matter judicially.</p> + +<p>"Of course, games are best for the physique. Look at men. Still, walking +will do, if one takes proper walks. I hope Flora Timson takes you good +long walks."</p> + +<p>"Indeed she does!" cried Milly. "Immense! She walks a dreadful pace, and +we get over stiles and things."</p> + +<p>"Immense is a little vague. How far do you go on an average?"</p> + +<p>Mildred's notions of distance were vague. "Quite two miles, I'm sure," +she responded, cheerfully.</p> + +<p>Aunt Beatrice made no comment. She looked<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span> steadily and scrutinizingly +at her niece, and in a kind but deepened voice told her to go up to her +room, whither she, Lady Thomson, would follow in a few minutes, just to +see how the Mantegnas looked now they were framed.</p> + +<p>As soon as the door had closed behind Mildred, she turned to Miss Burt. +"You're right, in a way, Polly, after all. There is something odd about +Milly, but I think it's affectation. Did you hear her answer? Two miles! +When to my knowledge she can easily walk ten."</p> + +<p>Meantime, Mildred mounted slowly to her room. She had tidied it under +Tims's instructions and had nothing to do but to sit down and think +until Lady Thomson's masculine step was heard outside her door.</p> + +<p>Aunt Beatrice came in and laid aside her hat and cloak, showing a dress +of rough gray tweed, and short—so far a tribute to the practical—but +otherwise made on some awkward artistic or hygienic principle. Her +glossy brown hair was brushed back and twisted tight, as Milly's used to +be, but with different effect, because of its heaviness and length.</p> + +<p>"Why have you crammed up one of your windows with a dressing-glass?" +asked Aunt Beatrice, putting a picture straight.</p> + +<p>"Because I can't see myself in that dark corner," returned Mildred, +demurely meek, but waiting her opportunity.</p> + +<p>"See yourself! My dear child, you hardly ever want to see yourself, if +you are habitually neat and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span> dressed sensibly. I see you've adopted the +mannish style. That's a phase of vanity. You'll come back to the +beautiful and natural before long."</p> + +<p>Mildred leaned back in her chair and clasped her hands behind her head.</p> + +<p>"I don't think so, Aunt Beatrice. I've settled the dress question once +and for all. I've found a clean, tidy, convenient style of dress and I +can't waste time thinking about altering it again."</p> + +<p>"You don't seem to mind wasting it on doing your hair," returned Aunt +Beatrice, smiling, but not grimly, for she enjoyed logical fencing, even +to her opponent's fair hits.</p> + +<p>"If I had beautiful hair like yours, I shouldn't need to," replied +Mildred. "But you know how endy and untidy mine always was."</p> + +<p>Aunt Beatrice, embarrassed by the compliment, looked at her watch. "It +seems as if we women can't escape our fate," she said. "Here we are +gabbling about dress when we've plenty of important things to talk over. +Miss Burt wrote to me that you were overworked, run down, nerves out of +order, and all the usual nonsense. I'm thankful to find you looking +remarkably well. I should like to know what this humbug about not being +able to work means."</p> + +<p>"It means that—well, I simply can't," returned Mildred, earnestly this +time. "I can't remember things."</p> + +<p>"You must be able to remember; unless your brain's diseased, which is +most improbable. But I ought to take you to a brain specialist, I +suppose."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[47]</a></span></p> + +<p>Milly changed color. "Please, oh please, Aunt Beatrice, don't do that!"</p> + +<p>Lady Thomson, in fact, hardly meant it; for her niece's appearance was +unmistakably healthy. However, the threat told.</p> + +<p>"I shall if you don't improve. I can't understand you. Either you're +hysterical or you've got one of those abominable fits of frivolity which +come on women like drink on men, and destroy their careers. I thought we +had both set our hearts on your getting another First."</p> + +<p>"But, Aunt Beatrice, they say I can't. They say I'm not clever enough."</p> + +<p>"Oh, that's what they say, is it?" Lady Thomson smiled in calm but deep +contempt. "How do they explain the idiots who have got Firsts? Archibald +Toovey, for instance?" Her eyes met her niece's, and both smiled.</p> + +<p>"Ah, yes! Mr. Toovey," returned Milly, who had met Archibald Toovey at +the Fletchers', and converted his patronizing courtship into imbecile +raptures.</p> + +<p>"But that quite explains your losing an interest in your work. Just for +once, I should like to take you away before the end of term. We would go +straight to Rome next Monday. We shall meet the Breretons there, and go +fully over the new excavations and discoveries, besides the old things, +which will be new, of course, to you. Then we will go on to Naples, do +the galleries and Pompeii, and come back by Florence and Paris before +Christmas. By that time you will be ready to settle down to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[48]</a></span> your work +steadily again and forget all this nonsense."</p> + +<p>Mildred's face had lighted up momentarily at the word "Rome." Then she +sucked her under lip and looked at the fire. When Lady Thomson's +programme was ended, she made a pause before she said, slowly:</p> + +<p>"Thank you so much, dear Aunt Beatrice. I should love to go, but—I +don't think—no, I don't think I'd better. You see, there's the +expense."</p> + +<p>"Of course I don't expect you to pay for yourself. I take you."</p> + +<p>"How very kind and sweet of you! But—well, do you know, you've +encouraged me so about that. First, I feel now as though I could sit +down and get it straight away. I will get it, Aunt Beatrice, if only to +make that old Professor look foolish."</p> + +<p>Lady Thomson, though disappointed in a way, felt that Milly Flaxman was +doing credit to her principles, showing a spirit worthy of her family. +She did not urge the Roman plan; but content with a victory over "nerves +and the usual nonsense," withdrew triumphant to the railway station.</p> + +<p>Tims came in when she was gone and heard about the Roman offer.</p> + +<p>"You refused, when Aunt Beatrice was going to plank down the dollars? +M., you are a fool!"</p> + +<p>"No, Tims," Mildred answered, deliberately; "you see, I don't feel sure +yet whether I can manage Aunt Beatrice."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[49]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER V</h2> + + +<p>Oxford is beautiful at all times, beautiful even now, in spite of the +cruel disfigurement inflicted upon her by the march of modern vulgarity, +but she has three high festivals which clothe her with a special glory +and crown her with their several crowns. One is the Festival of May, +when her hoary walls and ancient enclosures overflow with emerald and +white, rose-color and purple and gold, a foam of leafage and blossom, +breaking spray-like over edges of stone, gray as sea-worn rocks. And all +about the city the green meadows and groves burn with many tones of +color, brilliant as enamels or as precious stones, yet of a texture +softer and richer, more full of delicate shadows than any velvet mantle +that ever was woven for a queen.</p> + +<p>Another Festival comes with that strayed bacchanal October, who hangs +her scarlet and wine-colored garlands on cloister and pinnacle, on wall +and tower. And gradually the foliage of grove and garden, turns through +shade of bluish metallic green, to the mingled splendor of pale gold and +beaten bronze and deepest copper, half glowing and half drowned in the +low, mellow sunlight, and purple mist of autumn.</p> + +<p>Last comes the Festival of Mid-winter, the Fes<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[50]</a></span>tival of the Frost. The +rime comes, or the snow, and the long lines of the buildings, the +fret-work of stone, the battlements, carved pinnacles and images of +saints or devils, stand up with clear glittering outlines, or clustered +about and overhung with fantasies of ice and snow. Behind, the deep-blue +sky itself seems to glitter too. The frozen floods glitter in the +meadows, and every little twig on the bare trees. There is no color in +the earth, but the atmosphere of the river valley clothes distant hills +and trees and hedges with ultramarine vapor. Towards evening the mist +climbs, faintly veiling the tall groves of elms and the piled masses of +the city itself. The sunset begins to burn red behind Magdalen Tower, +all the towers and aery pinnacles rise blue yet distinct against it. And +this festival is not only one of nature. The glittering ice is spread +over the meadows, and, everywhere from morning till moonlight, the +rhythmical ring of the skate and the sound of voices sonorous with the +joy of living, travel far on the frosty air. Sometimes the very rivers +are frozen, and the broad, bare highway of the Thames and the +tree-sheltered path of the Cherwell are alive with black figures, +heel-winged like Mercury, flying swiftly on no errand, but for the mere +delight of flying.</p> + +<p>It was early on such a shining festival morning that Mildred, a willowy, +brown-clad figure, came down to a piece of ice in an outlying meadow. +Her shadow moved beside her in the sunshine, blue on the whiteness of +the snow, which crunched crisp and thin under her feet. She carried a +black<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[51]</a></span> bag in her hand—sign of the serious skater, and her face was +serious, even apprehensive. She saw with relief that except the sweepers +there was no one on the ice. A row of shivering men, buttoned up to the +chin in seedy coats, rose from the chairs where they awaited their +appointed prey, and all yelled to her at once. She crowned the hopes of +one by occupying his seat, but the important task of putting on the +bladed boots she could depute to none. Tims, whom no appeal of +friendship could induce to shiver on the ice, had told her that Milly +was an expert skater. She was, in fact, correct and accomplished, but +there was a stiffness and sense of effort about her style, a want of +that appearance of free and daring abandonment to the stroke of the +blade once launched, that makes the beauty of skating. Mildred knew only +that she had to live up to the reputation of a mighty skater, and was +not sure whether she could even stand on these knifelike edges. She +laced one boot, happy in the belief that at any rate there would be no +witness to her voyage of discovery. But a renewed yelling among the men +made her lift her head, and there, striding swiftly over the crisp snow, +came a tall, handsome young man, with a pointed, silky black beard and +fine, short-sighted black eyes, aglow with the pleasure of the frosty +sun.</p> + +<p>It was Ian Stewart. The young lady whom he discovered to be Miss Flaxman +just as he reached the chairs, was much more annoyed than he at the +encounter. Here was an acquaintance, it seemed, and one provided with +the bag and orange which<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[52]</a></span> Tims had warned her was the mark of the +serious skater. They exchanged remarks on the weather and she went on +lacing her other boot in great trepidation. The moment was come. She did +not recoil from the insult of being seized under her elbows by two men +and carefully planted on her feet as though she were most likely to +tumble down. So far as she knew, she was likely to. But, lo! no sooner +was she up than muscles and nerves, recking nothing of the brain's blind +denial, asserted their own acquaintance with the art of balance and +motion. Wondering, and for a few minutes still apprehensive, but +presently lost in the pleasure of the thing, Mildred began to fly over +the ice. And the dark, handsome man who had taken off his cap to her +became supremely unimportant. Unluckily the piece of flood-ice was not +endless and she had to come back. He was circling around an orange, and +she, throwing herself instinctively on to the outside edge, came down +towards him in great, sweeping curves, absorbed in the delight of this +motion, so new yet so perfectly under her control. Ian Stewart, +perceiving that the girl was absolutely unconscious of his presence, +blushed in his soul to think that he had been induced to believe himself +to be of importance in her eyes.</p> + +<p>"Miss Flaxman," he said, skating up to her, "I see you have no orange. +Can't we skate a figure together around mine?"</p> + +<p>"I've forgotten all about figures," replied Mildred, with truth.</p> + +<p>"Try some simple turns," he urged. "There are<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[53]</a></span> plenty here," and he held +up a book in his hand like the one she had found in her own black bag. +But it had "Ian Stewart, Durham College," written clearly on the +outside.</p> + +<p>"So that's Stewart!" thought Milly; and she could not help laughing at +her own thoughts, which had created him in a different image.</p> + +<p>Stewart did not know why she laughed, but he found the sound and sight +of the laugh new and charming.</p> + +<p>"It's awfully kind of you to undertake my education in another branch, +Mr. Stewart," she answered, pouting, "in spite of having found out that +I'm not at all clever."</p> + +<p>She smiled at him mutinously, sweeping towards the orange with head +thrown back over her left shoulder. Momentarily the poise of her head +recalled the attitude of the portrait of Lady Hammerton, beckoning her +unseen companions to that far-off mysterious mountain country, where the +torrents shine so whitely through the mist and the red line of sunset +speaks of coming night.</p> + +<p>Stewart colored, slightly confused. This brutal statement did not seem +to him to represent the just and candid account he had given Miss Walker +of Miss Flaxman's abilities.</p> + +<p>"Some one's been misreporting me, I see," he returned. "But anyhow, on +the ice, Miss Flaxman, it's you who are the Professor; I who am the +pupil. So I offer you a fair revenge."</p> + +<p>Accordingly, Mildred soon found herself placed at a due distance from +the orange, with Stewart<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[54]</a></span> equally distant from it on the other side. +After a few minutes of extreme uneasiness, she discovered that although +she had to halt at each fresh call, she had a kind of mechanical +familiarity with the simple figures which he gave her.</p> + +<p>Stewart, though learned, was human; and to sweep now at the opposite +pole to his companion, now with a swing of clasping hands at the centre +of their delightful dance, his eyes always perforce on his charming +partner, and her eyes on him, undeniably raised the pleasure of skating +to a higher power than if he had circled the orange in company with mere +man.</p> + +<p>So they fleeted the too-short time in the sparkling blue and white +world, drinking the air like celestial wine.</p> + +<p>The Festival of the Frost had fallen in the Christmas Vacation, and +Oxford society in vacation is essentially different from that of +Term-time, when it is overflowed by men who are but birds of passage, +coming no one inquires whence, and flitting few know whither. The party +that picnicked, played hockey, danced and figured on their skates +through the weeks of the frost, was in those days almost like a family +party. So it happened that Ian Stewart met the new Miss Flaxman in an +atmosphere of friendly ease that years of term-time society would not +have afforded him. How new she was he did not guess, but supposed the +change to be in his own eyes. Other people, however, saw it. Her very +skating was different. It had gained in grace and vigor, but she was +seldom seen wooing<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[55]</a></span> the serious and lonely orange around which Milly had +acquired the skill that Mildred now enjoyed. On the contrary, she +initiated an epidemic of frivolity on the ice in the shape of waltzing +and hand-in-hand figures in general.</p> + +<p>Ian Stewart, too, neglected the orange and went in for hand-in-hand +figures that season. Other things, too, he neglected; work, which he had +never before allowed to suffer measurably from causes within his +control; and far from blushing for his idleness, he rejoiced in it, as +the surest sign of all that for him the Festival of Spring had come in +the time of nature's frost.</p> + +<p>It was not only the crisp air, the frequent sun, the joyous flights over +the ringing ice that made his blood run faster through his veins and +laughter come more easily to his lips; that aroused him in the morning +with a strange sense of delight, as though some spirit had awakened him +with a glad reveille at the window of his soul. He, too, was in Arcady. +That in itself should be sufficient joy; he knew he must restrain his +impatience for more. Not till the summer, when the lady of his heart had +ceased to be also his pupil, must he make avowal of his love.</p> + +<p>Mildred on her part found Stewart the most attractive of the men with +whom she was acquainted. As yet in this new existence of hers, she had +not moved outside the Oxford circle—a circle exceptional in England, +because in it intellectual eminence, not always recognized, when +recognized receives as much honor as is accorded to a great fortune or +a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[56]</a></span> great name in ordinary society. Stewart's abilities were of a kind to +be recognized by the Academic world. He was already known in the +Universities of the Continent and America. Oxford was proud of him; and +although Mildred had no desire to marry as yet, it gratified her taste +and her vanity to win him for a lover.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[57]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER VI</h2> + + +<p>Mildred had had no desire to spend her vacations with Lady Thomson, and +on the ground of her reading for the Schools, had been allowed to spend +them in Oxford. Tims, who had no relations, remained with her. She had +for Mildred a sentiment almost like that of a parent, besides an +admiration for which she was slightly ashamed, feeling it to be +something of a slur on the memory of Milly, her first and kindest +friend.</p> + +<p>Mildred had recovered her memory for most things, but the facts of her +former life were still a blank to her. She had begun to work for her +First in order to evade Aunt Beatrice; but the fever of it grew upon +her, either from the ambient air of the University or from a native +passion to excel in all she did. Her teachers were bewildered by the +mental change in Miss Flaxman. The qualities of intellectual swiftness, +vigor, pliancy, whose absence they had once noted in her, became, on the +contrary, conspicuously hers. Once initiated into the tricks of the +"Great Essay" style, she could use it with a dexterity strangely in +contrast with the flat and fumbling manner in which poor Milly had been +wont to express her ideas. But in the region of actual knowledge, she +now<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[58]</a></span> and again perpetrated some immense and childish blunder, which made +the teachers, who nursed and trained her like a jockey or a race-horse, +tremble for the results of the Greats Examination.</p> + +<p>All too swiftly the date of the Schools loomed on the horizon; drew +near; was come. The June weather was glorious on the river, but in the +town, above all in the Examination Schools, it was very hot. The sun +glared pitilessly in through the great windows of the big T-shaped room, +till the temperature was that of a greenhouse. The young men in their +black coats and white ties looked enviously at the girl candidate, the +only one, in her white waist and light skirt. They envied her, too, her +apparent indifference to a crisis that paled the masculine cheek. In +fact, Mildred was nervous, but her nerves were strung up to so high a +pitch that she was sensitive neither to temperature nor to fatigue, nor +to want of sleep. And at the service of her quick intelligence and ready +pen lay all the stored knowledge of Milly the First.</p> + +<p>On the last day, when the last paper was over, Tims came and found her +in the big hall, planting the pins in her hat with an almost feverish +energy. Although it was five o'clock, she said she wanted air, not tea. +The last men had trooped listlessly down the steps of the Schools and +the two girls stood there while Mildred drew on her gloves. The sun +wearing to the northwest, shone down that curve of the High Street which +all Europe cannot match. The slanting gold illumined the gray face of +the University and the wide pavement, where<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[59]</a></span> the black-gowned victims of +the Schools threaded their sombre way through groups of joyous youths in +flannels and ladies in summer attire. On the opposite side cool shadows +were beginning to invade the sunshine, to slant across the old houses, +straight-roofed or gabled, the paladian pile of Queen's, the mediæval +front of All Souls, with its single and perfect green tree, leading up +to the consummation of the great spire of St. Mary's.</p> + +<p>Already, from the tall bulk of the nave, a shadow fell broad across the +pavement. But still the heat of the day reverberated from the stones +about them. They turned down to the Botanical Gardens and paced that +gray enclosure, full of the pride of branches and the glory of flowers +and overhung by the soaring vision of Magdalen Tower. Mildred was +walking fast and talking volubly about the Examination and everything +else.</p> + +<p>"Look here, old girl," said Tims at last, when they reached for the +second time the seat under the willow trellis, "I'm going to sit down +here, unless you'll come to tea at Boffin's."</p> + +<p>"I don't want to sit down," returned Mildred, seating herself; "or to +have tea or anything. I want to be just going, going, going. I feel as +though if I stop for a minute something horrid will happen."</p> + +<p>Tims wrinkled her whole face anxiously.</p> + +<p>"Don't do that, Tims," cried Mildred, sharply. "You look hideous."</p> + +<p>Tims colored, rose and walked away. She suddenly thought, with tears in +her eyes, of the old<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[60]</a></span> Milly who would never have spoken to her like +that. By the time she had reached the little basin in the middle of the +garden, where the irises grew, Mildred had caught her up.</p> + +<p>"Tims, dear old Tims! What a wretch I am! I couldn't help letting off +steam on something—you don't know what I feel like."</p> + +<p>Tims allowed herself to be pacified, but in her heart there remained a +yearning for her earlier and gentler friend—that Milly Flaxman who was +certainly not dead, yet as certainly gone out of existence.</p> + +<p>It was towards the end of the last week of Term, and the gayeties of +Commemoration had already begun. Mildred threw herself into them with +feverish enjoyment. She seemed to grudge even the hours that must be +lost in the unconsciousness of sleep. The Iretons, cousins from India, +who had never known the former Milly, took a house in Oxford for a week. +She went with them to three College balls and a Masonic, and spent the +days in a carnival of luncheon and boating-parties. She attracted plenty +of admiration, and enjoyed herself wildly, yet also purposefully; +because she was trying to get rid of that haunting feeling that if she +stopped a minute "something horrid would happen."</p> + +<p>Stewart meantime was finding love not so entirely beautiful and +delightful a thing as he had at first imagined it. In his dreamy way he +had overlooked the fact of Commemoration, and planned when Term was over +to find Mildred constantly at the Fletchers' and to be able to arrange +quiet<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[61]</a></span> days on the river. But if he found her there, she was always in +company, and though she made herself as charming to him as usual, she +showed no disposition to forsake all others and cleave only to him. He +was not a dancing man, and suffered cruelly on the evenings when he knew +her to be at balls, and fancied all her partners in love with her.</p> + +<p>But on the Thursday after Commemoration, the Fletchers gave a strawberry +tea at Wytham, as a farewell festivity to their cousins. And Ian Stewart +was there. With Mrs. Fletcher's connivance, he took Mildred home alone +in a canoe, by the deep and devious stream which runs under Wytham +woods. She went on talking with a vivacious gayety which was almost +foolish. He saw that it was unreal and that her nerves were at high +tension. His own were also. He did not intend to propose to her that +day; but he could no longer restrain himself, and he began to speak to +her of his love.</p> + +<p>"Hush!" she cried, with a vehement gesture. "Not to-day! oh, not to-day! +I can't bear it!" She put her head on her knee and moaned again, "Not +to-day, I'm too tired, I really am. I can't bear it."</p> + +<p>This was all the answer he could get, and her manner left him in +complete uncertainty as to whether she meant to accept or to refuse him.</p> + +<p>Tims had been at the strawberry tea too, and came into Mildred's room in +the evening, curious to know what had happened. She found Mildred +without a light, sitting, or rather lying in a wicker<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[62]</a></span> chair. When the +candle was lighted she saw that Mildred was very pale and shivering.</p> + +<p>"You're overtired, my girl," she said. "That's what's the matter with +you."</p> + +<p>"Oh, Tims," moaned Mildred. "I feel so ill and so frightened. I know +something horrid's going to happen—I know it is."</p> + +<p>"Don't be a donkey," returned Tims. "I'll help you undress and then you +turn in. You'll be as jolly as a sandboy to-morrow."</p> + +<p>But Mildred was crying tremulously. "Oh, Tims, how dreadful it would be +to die!"</p> + +<p>"Idiot!" cried Tims, and shook Mildred with all her might. Mildred's +tiny sobs turned into a shriek of laughter.</p> + +<p>"My goodness!" ejaculated Tims; "you're in hysterics!"</p> + +<p>"I know I am," gasped Mildred. "I was laughing to think of what Aunt +Beatrice would say." And she giggled amid her tears.</p> + +<p>Tims insisted on her rising from the chair, undressing, and getting into +bed. Then she sat by her in the half-dark, waiting for the miserable +tears to leave off.</p> + +<p>"Don't cry, old girl, don't cry. Go to sleep and forget all about it," +she kept repeating, almost mechanically.</p> + +<p>At length leaning over the bed she saw that Mildred was asleep, lying +straight on her bed with her feet crossed and her hands laid on her +bosom.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[63]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER VII</h2> + + +<p>About noon on Friday Milly Flaxman awoke. She lay very quiet, sleepy and +comfortable, her eyes fixed idly on a curve in the jessamine-pattern +paper opposite her bed. The windows were wide open, the blinds down and +every now and again flapping softly, as a capricious little breeze went +by, whispering through the leafy trees outside. There seemed nothing +unusual in that; she always slept with her windows open. But as her +senses emerged from those mists which lie on the surface of the river of +sleep, she was conscious of a balmy warmth in the room, of an impression +of bright sunshine behind the dark blinds, and of noises from the +streets reaching her with a kind of sharpness associated with sunshine. +She sat up, looked at her watch, and was shocked to find how late she +had slept. She must have missed a lecture. Then the recollection of the +dinner-party at the Fletchers', the verdict of Mr. Stewart on her chance +of a First, and her own hysterical outburst returned to her, +overpowering all outward impressions. She felt calm and well now, but +unhappy and ashamed of herself. She put her feet out of bed and looked +round mechanically for her dressing-gown and slippers. Their absence was +unimportant, for no<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[64]</a></span> sense of chill struck through her thin night-gown +to her warm body, and going to the window, she drew up the blind.</p> + +<p>The high June sun struck full upon her, hot and dazzling, but not so +dazzling that she could not see the row of garden trees through whose +bare branches she had yesterday descried the squalid roofs of the town. +They were spreading now in a thick screen of fresh green leaves. She +leaned out, as though further investigation might explain the +phenomenon, and saw a red standard rose in full flower under her window. +The thing was exactly like a dream, and she tried to wake up but could +not. She was panic-stricken and trembling. Had she been very, very ill? +Was it possible to be unconscious for six months? She looked at herself +in a dressing-glass near the window, which she had never placed there, +and saw that she was pale and had dark marks under her eyes, but not +more so than had been the case in that yesterday so strangely and +mysteriously removed in time. Her slender white arms and throat were as +rounded as usual. And if she had been ill, why was she left alone like +this? She found a dressing-gown not her own, and went on a voyage of +discovery. But the other rooms on her floor were dismantled and +tenantless. The girls were gone and the servants were "cleaning" in a +distant part of the College. She felt incapable of getting into bed +again and waiting for some one to come, so she began dressing herself +with trembling hands. Every detail increased the sense of strangeness. +There<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[65]</a></span> were a number of strange clothes, ball-dresses and others, +hanging in her cupboard, strange odds and ends thrust confusedly into +her bureau. She found at length a blue cotton frock of her own, which +seemed just home from the wash. She had twisted up her hair and was +putting on the blue frock, when she heard a step on the stairs, and +paused with beating heart. Who was coming? How would the mystery be +resolved? The door opened and Tims came in—the old Tims, wrinkled face, +wig, and old straw hat on one side as usual.</p> + +<p>"Tims!" cried Milly, flying towards her and speaking with pale lips. +"Please, please tell me—what has happened? Have I been very ill?" And +she stared in Tims's face with a tragic mask of terror and anxiety.</p> + +<p>"Now take it easy—take it easy, M., my girl!" cried Tims, giving her a +great squeeze and a clap on the shoulder. "I'm jolly glad to see you +back. But don't let's have any more of your hysterics. No, never no +more!"</p> + +<p>"Have I been away?" asked Milly, her lips still trembling.</p> + +<p>"I should think you had!" exclaimed Tims. "But nobody knows it except +me. Don't forget that. Here's a note for you from old B. Read it first +or we shall both forget all about it. She had to go away early this +morning."</p> + +<p>Milly opened the note and read:</p> + +<blockquote><p>"<span class="smcap">Dear Milly</span>,—I am sorry not to say good-bye, but glad you +are sleeping off your fatigue. I want to tell you, between +ourselves, not to go on worrying about the results<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[66]</a></span> of the +Schools, as I think you are doing, in spite of your +pretences to the contrary. I hear you have done at least one +brilliant paper, and although I, of course, know nothing +certain, I believe you and the College will have reason to +rejoice when the list comes out.</p> + +<p class="f1">"Yours affectionately,</p> + +<p class="f2">"<span class="smcap">Mary Burt.</span>"</p></blockquote> + +<p>"What does it mean?—oh, what can it mean?" faltered Milly, holding out +the missive to Tims.</p> + +<p>"It means you've been in for Greats, my girl, and done first-rate. But +the strain's been a bit too much for you, and you've had another +collapse of memory. You had one in the end of November. You've been +uncommonly well ever since, and worked like a Trojan, but you've not +been quite your usual self, and I'm glad you've come right again, old +girl. Let me tell you the whole business."</p> + +<p>Tims did so. She wanted social tact, but she had the tact of the heart +which made her hide from Milly how very different, how much more +brilliant and attractive Milly the Second had been than her normal self. +She only made her friend feel that the curious episode had entailed no +disgrace, but that somehow in her abnormal condition she had done well +in the Schools, and probably touched the top of her ambition.</p> + +<p>"But I don't feel as though it had been quite straightforward to hide it +up so," said Milly. "I shall write and tell Miss Burt and Aunt Beatrice, +and tell the Fletchers when I go to them."</p> + +<p>"You'll do nothing of the kind, you stupid," snapped Tims. "You'll be +simply giving me away<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[67]</a></span> if you do. What is the good? It won't happen +again unless you're idiot enough to overwork yourself again. Very likely +not then; for, as an open-minded, scientific woman, I believe it to have +been a case of hypnotism, and in France and the United States they'd +have thought it a very interesting one. But in England people are so +prejudiced they'd say you'd simply been out of your mind; although that +wouldn't prevent them from blaming me for hypnotizing you."</p> + +<p>While Tims spoke thus, there was a knocking without, and a maid +delivered a note for Miss Flaxman. Milly held it in her hands and +studied it musingly before opening the envelope. Her pale, troubled face +colored and grew more serious. Tims had not mentioned Ian Stewart, but +Milly had not forgotten him or his handwriting. Tims knew it too. She +restrained her excitement while Milly turned her back and stood by the +window reading the note. She must have read them several times over, the +two sides of the sheet inscribed with Stewart's small, scholarly +handwriting, before she turned her transfigured face towards the +anxiously expectant Tims.</p> + +<p>"Tims, dear," she said at length, smiling tremulously, and laying +tremulous hands on Tims's two thin shoulders—"dear old Tims, why didn't +you tell me?"</p> + +<p>"Tell you what?" asked Tims, grinning delightedly. Milly threw her arms +round her friend's neck and hid her happy tears and blushes between +Tims's ear and shoulder.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[68]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Mr. Stewart—it seems too good to be true—he loves me, he really does. +He wants me to be his wife."</p> + +<p>Most girls would have hugged and kissed Milly, and Tims did hug her, but +instead of kissing her, she banged and slapped her back and shoulders +hard all over, shaking the while with deep internal chuckles. It hurt, +but Milly did not mind, for it was sympathy. Presently she drew herself +away, and wiping her damp eyes, said, smiling shyly:</p> + +<p>"He's never guessed how much I care about him. I'm so glad. He says he +doesn't wonder at my hesitation and talks about others more worthy to +love me. But you know there isn't any one except Mr. Toovey. Poor Mr. +Toovey! I do hope I haven't behaved very badly to him."</p> + +<p>"Never mind Toovey," chuckled Tims. "Anyhow, Milly, I've got a good load +off my mind. I didn't half like having put that other girl into your +boots. However, you've come back, and everything's going to be all +right."</p> + +<p>"All right!" breathed Milly. "Why, Tims, darling, I never thought any +one in the world could be half so happy as I am."</p> + +<p>And Tims left Milly to write the answer for which Ian Stewart was so +anxiously waiting.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>The engagement proceeded after the manner of engagements. No one was +surprised at it and every one was pleased. The little whirlpool of talk +that it created prevented Milly's ignorance of the events of the past +six or seven months from coming<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[69]</a></span> to the surface. She lay awake at night, +devising means of telling Ian about this strange blank in her life. But +she shrank from saying things that might make him suspect her of an +unsound mind. She had plainly been sane enough in her abnormal state, +and there was no doubt of her sanity now. She told him she had had since +the autumn, and still had, strange collapses of memory; and he said that +quite explained some peculiarities of her work. She tried to talk to him +about French experiments in hypnotism, and how it was said sometimes to +bring to light unsuspected sides of a personality. But he laughed at +hypnotism as a mixture of fraud and hysteria. So with many searchings of +heart, she dropped the subject.</p> + +<p>She was staying at the Fletchers' and saw Ian every day. He was all that +she could wish as a lover, and it never occurred to her to ask whether +he felt all that he himself could have wished as such. He was very fond +of Milly and quite content with her, but not perfectly content with +himself. He supposed he must at bottom be one of those ordinary and +rather contemptible men who care more for the excitement of the chase +than for the object of it. But he felt sure he was really a very lucky +fellow, and determined not to give way to the self-analysis which is +always said to be the worst enemy of happiness.</p> + +<p>Miss Flaxman had been the only woman in for Greats, and as a favor she +was taken first in <i>viva voce</i>. The questions were directed to probing +her actual knowledge in places where she had made<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[70]</a></span> one or two amazing +blunders. But she emerged triumphant, and went in good spirits to +Clewes, Aunt Beatrice's country home in the North, whither Ian Stewart +shortly followed her. Beyond the fact that she wore perforce and with +shame, not having money to buy others, frocks which Lady Thomson +disapproved, she was once more the adoring niece to whom her aunt was +accustomed. And Lady Thomson liked Ian. She never expected men to share +her fads.</p> + +<p>In due time came the announcement of the First, bringing almost as many +congratulatory letters as the engagement. And on August 2d Milly sailed +for Australia, where she was to spend two or three months with her +family.</p> + +<p>In October the newspapers announced that the marriage of Miss Mildred +Beatrice Flaxman, eldest daughter of the Dean of Stirling, South +Australia, with Mr. Ian Stewart, Fellow of Durham College, Oxford, would +take place at Oxford in the second week in December.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[71]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER VIII</h2> + + +<p>"Madame dort toujours!" The dark-eyed, cherry cheeked, white-capped +chamber-maid of the Hôtel du Chalet made the statement to the manager, +who occupied a glass case in the hall. "She must have been very tired +yesterday, pauvre petite!"</p> + +<p>The manager answered phlegmatically in French with a German accent:</p> + +<p>"So much the better if she sleeps. She does not eat. When the gentleman +went out he wanted sanveeches to put in his pocket. One does not want +sanveeches when one sleeps."</p> + +<p>"All the same, I wish she would wake up. It's so odd to see her sleeping +like that," returned the cherry-cheeked one; and passed about her +duties.</p> + +<p>The <i>déjeuner</i> was over, and those guests who had not already gone out +for the day, were tramping about the bare, wooden passages and +staircase, putting on knitted gloves and shouting for their companions +and toboggans. But it was not till all had gone out and their voices had +died away on the clear, cold air, that the sleeper in No. 19 awoke. For +a while she lay with open eyes as still as though she were yet sleeping. +But suddenly she started up in bed and looked around her<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[72]</a></span> with frowning, +startled attention. She was in a rather large, bare bedroom with +varnished green wood-work and furniture and a green pottery stove. There +was an odd, thick paper on the wall, of no particular color, and a +painted geometrical pattern in the centre of the ceiling. It was a neat +room, on the whole, but on the bed beside her own a man's waistcoat had +been thrown, and in the middle of the floor a pair of long, shabby +slippers lay a yard apart from each other and upside down. There were +other little signs of masculine occupation. A startled movement brought +her sitting up on the bedside.</p> + +<p>"Married!" she whispered to herself. "How perfectly awful!"</p> + +<p>A fiery wave of anger that was almost hate swept through her veins, +anger against the unknown husband and against that other one who had the +power thus to dispose of her destiny, while she lay helpless in some +unfathomed deep between life and death. Swifter than light her thoughts +flew back to the last hours of consciousness which had preceded that +strange and terrible engulfment of her being. She remembered that Mr. +Stewart had tried to propose to her on the river and that she had not +allowed him to do so. Probably he had taken this as a refusal. She knew +nothing of any love of Milly's for him; only was sure that he had not +been in love with her, Mildred, when she first knew him; therefore had +not cared for her other personality. Who else was possible? With an +audible cry she sprang to her feet.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[73]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Toovey! Archibald Toovey!"</p> + +<p>The idea was monstrous, it was also grotesque; and even while she +plunged despairing fingers in her hair, she laughed so loud that she +might have been heard in the corridor.</p> + +<p>"Mrs. Archibald Toovey! Good Heavens! But that girl was perfectly +capable of it."</p> + +<p>Then she became more than serious and buried her face in her hands, +thinking.</p> + +<p>"If it is Mr. Toovey," she thought, "I must go away at once, wherever I +am. I can't have been married long. I am sure to have some money +somewhere. I'll go to Tims. Oh, that brute! That idiot!"—she was +thinking of Milly—"How I should like to strangle her!"</p> + +<p>She clinched her hands till the nails hurt her palms. Two photographs, +propped up on the top of a chest of drawers, caught her eye. She +snatched them. One was a wedding group, but there was no bridegroom; +only six bridesmaids. It was as bad as such things always are, and it +was evident that the dresses were ill-fitting, the hats absurd. Tims was +prominent among the bridesmaids, looking particularly ugly. The other +photograph might have seemed pretty to a less prejudiced eye. It was +that of a slight, innocent-looking girl in a white satin gown, "ungirt +from throat to hem," and holding a sheaf of lilies in her hand. Her hair +was loose upon her shoulders, crowned with a fragile garland and covered +with a veil of fine lace.</p> + +<p>"What a Judy!" commented Mildred, throwing the photograph fiercely away +from her. "Fancy<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[74]</a></span> my being married in a dressing-gown and having Tims +for a bridesmaid! Sickening!"</p> + +<p>But her anxiety with regard to the bridegroom dominated even this just +indignation. Somehow, after seeing the photographs, she was convinced he +must be Archibald Toovey. She determined to fly at once. The question +was, where was she? Not in England, she fancied. The stove had been +thrice-heated by the benevolent cherry-cheeked one, and the atmosphere +of the room was stifling. This, together with the cold outside, had +combined to throw a gray veil across the window-panes. She hastily put +on a blue Pyrenean wool dressing-gown, flung open a casement and leaned +out into the wide sunshine, the iced-champagne air. The window was only +on the first floor, and she saw just beneath a narrow, snowy strip of +ground, on either side and below it snow-sprinkled pinewoods falling, +falling steeply, as it were, into space. But far below the blue air +deepened into a sapphire that must be a lake, and beyond that gray +cliffs, remote yet fairly clear in the sunshine, rose streaked with the +blue shadows of their own buttresses. Above the cliffs, white and sharp +and fantastic in their outline, snowy mountain summits showed clear +against the deep blue sky. Between them, imperceptibly moving on its +secular way, hung the glacier, a track of vivid ultramarine and green, +looking like a giant pathway to the stars. Mildred guessed she was in +Switzerland. She knew that it should be easy to get back to England, yet +for her with her peculiar inexperience of life, it would not be easy. At +any<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[75]</a></span> rate, she would dash herself down some gray-precipice into that +lake below rather than remain here as the bride of Archibald Toovey. +Just as she was registering a desperate vow to that effect a man came +climbing up the woodland way to the left, a long-legged man in a +knickerbocker suit and gaiters. He stepped briskly out of the pinewood +on to the snowy platform below, and seeing her at the window, looked up, +smiling, and waved his cap, with a cry of "Hullo, Milly!" And it was not +Archibald Toovey.</p> + +<p>Mildred, relieved from the worst of fears, leaned from the window +towards him. A slanting ray caught the floating cloud of her amber hair, +her face glowed rosily, her eyes beamed on the new-comer, and she broke +into such an enchanting ripple of laughter as he had never heard from +those soft lips since it had been his privilege to kiss them. Then +something happened within him. Upon his lonely walk he had been overcome +by a depression against which he had every day been struggling. He had +been disappointed in his marriage, now some weeks old—disappointed, +that is, with himself, because of his own incapacity for rapturous +happiness. Yet a year ago on the ice at Oxford, six months ago in the +falling summer twilight on the river, under Wytham Woods, he had thought +himself as capable as any man of feeling the joys and pains of love. In +the sequel it had seemed that he was not; and just as he had lost all +hope of finding once again that buried treasure of his heart, it had +returned to him in one<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[76]</a></span> delightful moment, when he stood as it were on +the top of the world in the crisp, joyous Alpine air, and his eyes met +the eyes of his young wife, who leaned towards him into the sunshine and +laughed. He could not possibly have told how long the golden vision +endured; only that suddenly, precipitately, it withdrew. A "spirit in +his feet" sent him bounding up the bare, shallow hotel stairs, two steps +at a time, dropping on every step a cake of snow from his boots, to melt +and make pools on the polished wood. The manager, who respected none of +his guests except those who bullied him, called out a reprimand, but +received no apology.</p> + +<p>Stewart strode with echoing tread down the corridor towards No. 19, +eager to hold that slender, girlish wife of his in his arms and to press +kisses on the lips that had laughed at him so sweetly from above. The +walls of the hotel were thin, and as he approached the door he heard a +quick, soft scurry across the room on the other side, and in his swift +thought saw Milly flying to meet him, just relieved from one absurd +anxiety about his safety and indulging another on the subject of his wet +feet. A smile of tender amusement visited his lips as he took hold of +the door-handle. Exactly as he touched it, the key on the other side +turned. The lock had been stiff, but it had shot out in the nick of +time, and he found himself brought up short in his impulsive career and +hurtling against a solid barrier. He knocked, but no one answered. He +could have fancied he heard panting breaths on the other side of the +ill-fitting door.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[77]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Mayn't I come in, darling?" he asked, gently, but with a shade of +reproach in his voice.</p> + +<p>"No, you can't," returned Milly's voice; hers, but with an accent of +coldness and decision in it which struck strangely on his ear. He +paused, bewildered. Then he remembered how often he had read that women +were capricious, unaccountable creatures. Milly had made him forget +that. Her attitude towards him had been one of unvarying gentleness and +devotion. Vaguely he felt that there was a kind of feminine charm in +this sudden burst of coldness, almost indifference.</p> + +<p>"Is anything the matter, dear?" he asked. "Aren't you well?"</p> + +<p>"Quite well, thank you," came the curt voice through the door. Then +after a minute's hesitation: "What do you want?"</p> + +<p>Ian smiled to himself as he answered:</p> + +<p>"My feet are wet. I want to change."</p> + +<p>He was a delicate man, and if he had a foible which Milly could be said +to execrate, it was that of "sitting in wet feet." He expected the door +to fly open; but it did nothing of the kind. There was not a trace of +anxiety in the grudging voice which replied, after a pause:</p> + +<p>"I suppose you want dry shoes and stockings. I'll give them to you if +you'll wait."</p> + +<p>He stood bewildered, a little pained, not noticing the noisy opening and +shutting of several ill-fitting drawers in the room. Yet Milly always +put away his things for him and should have known where to find them. +The door opened a chink and the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[78]</a></span> shoes and stockings came flying through +on to the passage floor. He had a natural impulse to use his masculine +strength, to push the door open before she could lock it again, but +fortunately he restrained it. He went down-stairs slowly, shoes and +stockings in hand; threw them down behind the big green stove in the +smoking-room and lighted a meditative pipe. It was evidently a fact that +women were difficult to understand; even Milly was. He had been +uniformly kind and tender to her, and so far she had seemed more than +content with him as a husband. But beneath this apparent happiness of +hers had some instinct, incomprehensible to him, been whispering to her +that he did not love her as many men, perhaps most, loved their young +wives? That he had felt for her no ardor, no worship? If so, then the +crisis had come at the right moment; at the moment when, by one of those +tricks of nature which make us half acquiesce in the belief that our +personality is an illusion, that we are but cosmic automata, the power +of love had been granted to him again. Yet for all that—very +fortunately, seeing that the crisis was more acute than he was aware—he +did not fancy that his way lay plain before him. He began to perceive +that the cementing of a close union between a man and woman, two beings +with so abundant a capacity for misunderstanding each other, is a +complex and delicate affair. That to marry is to be a kind of Odysseus +advancing into the palace of a Circe, nobler and more humane than the +enchantress of old, yet capable also of working strange and terrible +trans<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[79]</a></span>formations. That many go in there carrying in their hands blossoms +which they believe to be moly; but the true moly is not easy to +distinguish. And he hoped that he and Milly, in their different ways, +had found and were both wearing the milk-white flower. Yet he knew that +this was a matter which must be left to the arbitrament of time.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[80]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER IX</h2> + + +<p>On their return to Oxford the young couple were fêted beyond the common. +People who had known Milly Flaxman in earlier days were surprised to +think how little they had noticed her beauty or guessed what a fund of +humor, what an extraordinary charm, had lurked beneath the surface of +her former quiet, grave manner. The Master of Durham alone refused to be +surprised. He merely affirmed in his short squeak that he had always +admired Mrs. Stewart very much. She was now frequently to be found in +the place of honor at those dinners of his, where distinguished visitors +from London brought the stir and color of the great world into the +austere groves, the rarefied atmosphere of Academe.</p> + +<p>Wherever she appeared, the vivid personality of Mrs. Stewart made a kind +of effervescence which that indescribable entity, a vivid personality, +is sure to keep fizzing about it. She was devoutly admired, fiercely +criticised, and asked everywhere. It is true she had quite given up her +music, but she drew caricatures which were irresistibly funny, and was a +tremendous success in charades. Everything was still very new to her, +everything interesting and amusing. She was enchanted with her<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[81]</a></span> house, +although Milly and Lady Thomson had chosen it, preferring to a villa in +the Parks an old gray house of the kind that are every day recklessly +destroyed by the march of modern vulgarity. She approved of the few and +good pieces of old furniture with which they had provided it; although +Lady Thomson could not entirely approve of the frivolity and +extravagance of the chintzes with which she helped the sunshine to +brighten the low, panelled rooms. But Aunt Beatrice, girt with +principles major and minor, armed with so Procrustean a measure for most +of her acquaintance, accepted Mildred's deviations with an astonishing +ease. The secret of personal magnetism is not yet discovered. It may be +that the <i>aura</i> surrounding each of us is no mystic vision of the +Neo-Buddhists, but a physical fact; that Mildred's personality acted by +a power not moral but physical on the nerves of those who approached +her, exciting those of some, of the majority, pleasurably, filling +others with a nameless uneasiness, to account for which they must accuse +her manners or her character.</p> + +<p>To Ian Stewart the old panelled house with the walled garden behind, +where snowdrops and crocuses pushed up under budding orchard boughs, was +a paradise beyond any he had imagined. He found Mildred the most +adorable of wives, the most interesting of companions. Her defects as a +housekeeper, which Aunt Beatrice noted in silence but with surprise, +were nothing to him. He could not help pausing sometimes even in the +midst of his work, to wonder at his own good fortune and to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[82]</a></span> reflect +that whatever the future might have in store, he would have no right to +complain, since it had been given to him to know the taste of perfect +happiness.</p> + +<p>Since his marriage he had been obliged to take more routine work, and +the Long Vacation had become more valuable to him than ever. As soon as +he had finished an Examination he had undertaken, he meant to devote the +time to the preparation of a new book which he had in his mind. Mildred, +seemingly as eager as himself that the book should be done, had at first +agreed. Then some of her numerous friends had described the pleasures of +Dieppe, and she was seized with the idea that they too might go there. +Ian, she said, could work as well at Dieppe as at Oxford or in the +country. Ian knew better; besides, his funds were low and Dieppe would +cost too much. For the first time he opposed Mildred's wishes, and to +her surprise she found him perfectly firm. There was no quarrel, but +although she was silent he felt that she did not yield her opinion and +was displeased with him.</p> + +<p>Late at night as he sat over Examination papers, his sensitive +imagination framed the accusations of selfishness, pedantry, +scrupulosity, which his wife might be bringing against him in the +"sessions of silent thought;" although it was clearly to her advantage +as much as to his own that he should keep out of money difficulties and +do work which counted. She had no fixed habits, and he flung down pipe +and pen, hoping to find her still awake. But she was already sound +asleep. The room was dark,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[83]</a></span> but he saw her by the illumination of +distant lightning, playing on the edge of a dark and sultry world. His +appointed task was not yet done and he returned to the study, a long, +low, dark-panelled room, looking on the garden. The windows were wide +open on the hushed, warm, almost sulphurous darkness, from which frail +white-winged moths came floating in towards the shaded lamp on his +writing-table. He sat down to his papers and by an effort of will +concentrated his mind upon them. Habit had made such concentration easy +to him as a rule, but to-night, after half an hour of steady work, he +was mastered by an invading restlessness of mind and body. The cause was +not far to seek; he could hear all the time he worked the dull, almost +continuous, roar of distant thunder. All else was very still, it was +long past midnight and the town was asleep.</p> + +<p>He got up and paced the room once or twice, grasping his extinguished +pipe absently in his hand. Suddenly a blast seemed to spring out of +nowhere and rush madly round the enclosed garden, tossing the gnarled +and leafy branches of the old orchard trees and dragging at the long +trails of creepers on wall and trellis. It blew in at the windows, hot +as from the heart of the thunder-cloud, and waved the curtains before +it. It rushed into the very midst of the old house with its cavernous +chimneys, deep cellars, and enormous unexplored walls, filling it with +strange, whispering sounds, as of half articulate voices, here menacing, +there struggling to reveal some sinister and vital secret. The blast<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[84]</a></span> +died away, but it seemed to have left those voices still muttering and +sighing through the walls that had sheltered so many generations, such +various lives of men. Ian was used to the creaking and groaning of the +wood-work; he knew how on the staircase the rising of the boards, which +had been pressed down in the day, simulated ghostly footsteps in the +night. He was in his mental self the most rational of mortals, but at +times the Highland strain in his blood, call it sensitive or +superstitious, spoke faintly to his nerves—never before so strongly, so +over-masteringly as to-night. A blue blaze of crooked lightning +zigzagged down the outer darkness and seemed to strike the earth but a +little beyond the garden wall. Following on its heels a tremendous clap +of thunder burst, as it were, on the very chimneys. The solid house +shook to its foundations. But the tide of horrible, irrational fear +which swept over Ian's whole being was not caused by this mere +exaggerated commonplace of nature. He could give no guess what it was +that caused it; he only knew that it was agony. He knew what it meant to +feel the hair lift on his head; he knew what the Psalmist meant when he +said, "My bones are turned to water." And as he stood unable to move, +afraid to turn his head, abject and ashamed of his abjectness, he was +listening, listening for he knew not what.</p> + +<p>At length it came. He heard the stairs creak and a soft padding footstep +coming slowly down them; with it the brush of a light garment and +in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[85]</a></span>termittently a faint human sound between a sigh and a sob. He did not +reflect that he could not really have heard such slight sounds through a +thick stone wall and a closed door. He heard them. The steps stopped at +the door; a hand seemed feeling to open it, and again there was a +painful sigh. The physical terror had not passed from him, but the +sudden though that it was his wife and that she was frightened or ill, +made him able to master it. He seized the lamp, because he knew the +light in the hall was extinguished, rushed to the door, opened it and +looked out. There was no one there. He made a hasty but sufficient +search and returned to the study.</p> + +<p>The extremity of his fear was now passed, but an unpleasantly eery +feeling still lingered about him and he had a very definite desire to +find himself in some warm, human neighborhood. He had left the door open +and was arranging the papers on his writing-table, when once again he +heard those soft padding feet on the stairs; but this time they were +much heavier, more hurried, and stumbled a little. He stood bent over +the table, a bundle of papers in his hand, no longer overcome by mortal +terror, yet somehow reluctant once more to look out and to see once +more—nothing. There was a sound outside the door, louder, hoarser than +the faint sob or sigh which he had heard before, and he seized the lamp +and turned towards it. Before he had made a step forward, the door was +pushed violently back and his wife came in, leaning upon it as though +she needed support. She was barefooted and dressed<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[86]</a></span> only in a long +night-gown, white, yet hardly whiter than her face. Her eyes did not +turn towards him, they stared in front of her, not with the fixed gaze +of an ordinary sleep-walker, but with purpose and intensity. She seemed +to see something, to pursue something, with starting eyes and +out-stretched arms; something she hated even more than she feared it, +for her lips were blanched and tightened over her teeth as though with +fury, and her smooth white forehead gathered in a frown. Again she +uttered that low, fierce sound, like that he had heard outside the door. +Then, loosing the handle on which she had leaned, she half sprung, half +staggered, with uplifted hand, towards an open window, beyond which the +rush of the thunder shower was just visible, sloping pallidly across the +darkness. She leaned out into it and uttered to the night a hoarse, +confused voice, words inchoate, incomprehensible, yet with a terrible +accent of rage, of malediction. This transformation of his wife, so +refined, so self-contained, into a creature possessed by an almost +animal fury, struck Ian with horror, although he accepted it as a +phenomenon of somnambulism. He approached but did not touch her, for he +had heard that it was dangerous to awaken a somnambulist. Her voice sank +rapidly to a loud whisper and he heard her articulate—"My husband! +Mine! Mine!"—but in no tone of tenderness, rather pronouncing the words +as a passionate claim to his possession. Then suddenly she drooped, half +kneeling on the deep window-seat, half fallen across the sill. He sprang +to catch her,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[87]</a></span> but not before her forehead had come down sharply on the +stone edge of the outer window. He kneeled upon the window-seat and +gathered her gently in his arms, where she lay quiet, but moaning and +shuddering.</p> + +<p>"My husband!" she wailed, no longer furious now but despairing. "Ian! My +love! Ian! My life!—my life! My own husband!"</p> + +<p>Even in this moment it thrilled him to hear such words from her lips. He +had not thought she loved him so passionately. He lifted her on to a +deep old sofa at the end of the room, wrapped her in a warm Oriental +coverlet which hung there, and held her to his heart, murmuring love and +comfort in her cold little ear. It seemed gradually to soothe her, +although he did not think she really awoke. Then he put her down, +lighted the lamp outside, and, not without difficulty, carried her up to +bed. Her eyes were half closed when he laid her down and drew the +bedclothes over her; and a minute or two later, when he looked in from +his dressing-room, she was evidently asleep.</p> + +<p>When he got into bed she did not stir, and while he lay awake for +another hour, she remained motionless and breathing regularly. He +assured himself that the whole curious occurrence could be explained by +the electrical state of the atmosphere, which had affected his own +nerves in a way he would never humiliate himself by confessing to any +one. Those mysterious footsteps on the stairs which he had heard, +footsteps like his wife's yet not hers; that hand upon the door, that<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[88]</a></span> +voice of sighs, were the creation of his own excited brain. In time he +would doubtless come to believe his own assurances on the point, but +that night at the bottom of his heart he did not believe them.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[89]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER X</h2> + + +<p>Next morning, if Ian himself slept late, Milly slept later still. The +strained and troubled look which he had seen upon her face even in sleep +the night before, had passed away in the morning, but she lay almost +alarmingly still and white. He was reassured by remembering that once +when they were in Switzerland she had slept about sixteen hours and +awakened in perfect health. He remained in the house watching over her, +and about four o'clock she woke up. But she was very pale and very +quiet; exhausted, he thought, by her strange mental and physical +exertions of the night before.</p> + +<p>She came down to tea with her pretty hair unbecomingly twisted up, and +dressed in a brownish-yellow tea-gown, which he fancied he remembered +hearing her denounce as only fit to be turned into a table-cloth. He did +not precisely criticise these details, but they helped in the impression +of lifelessness and gloom that hung about her. It was a faint, gleamy +afternoon, and such sun as there was did not shine into the study. The +dark panelling looked darker than usual, and as she sat silent and +listless in a corner of the old sofa, her hair and face stood out +against it almost startling in their blondness and whiteness. She was +strangely unlike her<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[90]</a></span>self, but Stewart comforted himself by remembering +that she had been odd in her manner and behavior, though in a different +way, after her long sleep in Switzerland. After he had given her tea, he +suggested that they should walk in the garden, as the rain was over.</p> + +<p>"Not yet, Ian," she said. "I want to try and tell you something. I can +do it better here."</p> + +<p>Her mouth quivered. He sat down by her on the sofa.</p> + +<p>"Must you tell me now?" he asked, smiling. "Do you really think it +matters?"</p> + +<p>"Yes—it does matter," she answered, tremulously, pressing her folded +hands against her breast. "It's something I ought to have told you +before you married me—but indeed, indeed I didn't know how dreadful it +was—I didn't think it would happen again."</p> + +<p>He was puzzled a moment, then spoke, still smiling:</p> + +<p>"I suppose you mean the sleep-walking. Well, darling, it is a bit +creepy, I admit, but I shall get used to it, if you won't do it too +often."</p> + +<p>"Did I really walk?" she asked—and a look of horror was growing on her +face. "Ah! I wasn't sure. No—it's not that—it is—oh, don't think me +mad, Ian!"</p> + +<p>"Tell me, dearest. I promise I won't."</p> + +<p>"I've not been here at all since you've been living in this house. I've +not seen you, my own precious husband, since I went to sleep in +Switzerland, at the Hôtel du Chalet—don't you remember—when<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[91]</a></span> we had +been that long walk up to the glacier and I was so tired?"</p> + +<p>Stewart was exceedingly startled. He paused, and then said, very gently +but very firmly:</p> + +<p>"That's nonsense, dearest. You have been here, you've been with me all +the time."</p> + +<p>"Ah! You think so, but it was not <i>I</i>—no, don't interrupt me—I mean to +tell you, I must, but I can't if you interrupt me. It was awfully wrong +of me not to tell you before; but I tried to, and then I saw you +wouldn't believe me. Do you remember a dinner-party at the Fletchers', +the autumn before we were engaged—when Cousin David had just bought +that picture?"</p> + +<p>"That portrait of Lady Hammerton, which is so like you? Yes, I remember +it perfectly."</p> + +<p>"You know I wanted my First so much and I had been working too hard, and +then I was told that evening that you had said I couldn't get it—"</p> + +<p>"Silly me!"</p> + +<p>"And I felt certain you didn't love me—"</p> + +<p>"Silly you!"</p> + +<p>"Don't interrupt me, please. And I wasn't well, and I cried and cried +and I couldn't leave off, and then I allowed Tims to hypnotize me. We +both knew she had no business to do it, it was wrong of us, of course, +but we couldn't possibly guess what would happen. I went to sleep, and +so far as I knew I never woke again for more than six months, not till +the Schools were over."</p> + +<p>"But, my darling, I skated with you constantly in the Christmas +Vacation, and took your work<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[92]</a></span> through the Term. I assure you that you +were quite awake then."</p> + +<p>"I remember nothing about it. All I know is that some one got my First +for me."</p> + +<p>"But, Mildred—"</p> + +<p>"Why do you call me Mildred? That's what they called me when I woke up +last time; but my own name's Milly."</p> + +<p>Stewart rose and paced the room, then came back.</p> + +<p>"It's simply a case of collapse of memory, dear. It's very trying, but +don't let's be fanciful about it."</p> + +<p>"I thought it was only that—I told you, didn't I, something of that +sort? But I didn't know then, nobody told me, that I wasn't like myself +at all those months I couldn't remember. Last night in my sleep I +knew—I knew that some one else, something else—I can't describe it, +it's impossible—was struggling hard with me in my own brain, my own +body, trying to hold me down, to push me back again into the place, +whatever it was, I came out of. But I got stronger and stronger till I +was quite myself and the thing couldn't really stop me. I dare say it +only lasted a few seconds, then I felt quite free—free from the +struggle, the pressure; and I saw myself standing in the room, with some +kind of white floating stuff over my head and about me, and I saw myself +open the door and go out of the room. I wasn't a bit surprised, but I +just lay there quiet and peaceful. Then suddenly it came to me that I +couldn't have seen myself, that the person, the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[93]</a></span> figure I had seen go +out of the door was the other one, the creature I had been struggling +with, who had stolen my shape; and it came to me that she was gone to +steal you—to steal your heart from me and take you away; and you +wouldn't know, you would think it was I, and you would follow her and +love her and never know it was not your own wife you were loving. And I +was mad with anger; I never knew before what it meant, Ian, to be as +angry as that. I struggled hard to get up, and at last I managed it, and +I came down-stairs after her, but I couldn't find her, and I was sure +that she had gone and had taken you away with her. And you say I really +did come down-stairs."</p> + +<p>"Yes, darling, and if you had been awake instead of asleep, as you +obviously were, you would have seen that this nightmare of yours was +nothing but a nightmare. You would have seen that I was alone here, +quietly arranging my papers before going to bed. You gave me a fright +coming down as you did, for there was a tremendous thunderstorm going +on, and I am ashamed to say how queer my own nerves were. The electrical +state of the atmosphere and a very loud clap of thunder just overhead, +account for the whole business, which probably lasted only a few seconds +from beginning to end. Be reasonable, little woman, you are generally +the most reasonable person I know—except when you talk about going to +Dieppe."</p> + +<p>Milly gave him a strange look.</p> + +<p>"Why am I not reasonable when I talk about going to Dieppe?"<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[94]</a></span></p> + +<p>He drew her to him and kissed her hair.</p> + +<p>"Never mind why. We aren't going to excite ourselves to-day or do +anything but make love and forget nightmares and everything +disagreeable."</p> + +<p>She drew herself away a little and looked with frightened eyes in his.</p> + +<p>"But I can't forget, Ian, that I don't remember anything that has +happened since we were on our honeymoon in Switzerland. And now we are +in Oxford, and I can see it's quite late in the summer. How can I forget +that somehow I am being robbed of myself—robbed of my life with you?"</p> + +<p>"Wait till to-morrow and you'll remember everything right enough."</p> + +<p>But Milly was not to be convinced. She was willing to submit on the +question of last night's experiences, but she assured him that Tims +would bear her out in the assertion that she had never recovered her +recollection of the months preceding her engagement. Ian ceased trying +to convince her that she was mistaken on this point; but he argued that +the memory was of all functions of the brain the most uncertain, that +there was no limit to its vagaries, which were mere matters of nerves +and circulation, and that Dr. Norton-Smith, the nerve and brain +specialist to whom he would take her, would probably turn out to have a +dozen patients subject to the same affliction as herself. One never +hears of half the ills that flesh is heir to until the inheritance falls +to one's own lot.</p> + +<p>Milly was a common-sense young woman, and his explanation, especially as +it was his, pacified<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[95]</a></span> her for the time. The clouds had been rolling away +while they talked, the space of deep blue sky overhead growing larger, +the sunshine fuller. There was a busy twittering and shaking of little +wings in the tall pear-tree near the house, where the tomtits in their +varied liveries loved to congregate. July was not far advanced and the +sun had still some hours in which to shine. Ian and Milly went out and +walked in the Parks. The tennis-club lawns were almost deserted, but +they met a few acquaintances taking their constitutional, like +themselves, and an exchange of ordinary remarks with people who took her +normality for granted, helped Milly to believe in it herself. So long as +the blank in her memory continued, she could not be free from care; but +she went to sleep that night in Ian's arms, feeling herself protected by +them not only from bodily harm, but from all those dreadful fears and +evil fantasies that "do assault and hurt the soul."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[96]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XI</h2> + + +<p>Ian had been so busy persuading Milly to view her own case as a simple +one, and so busy comforting her with an almost feminine intuition of +what would really afford her comfort, that it was only in the watches of +the night that certain disquieting recollections forced their way into +his mind. It was of course now part of his creed that he had loved Milly +Flaxman from the first—only he had never known her well till that +Christmas Vacation when they had skated so much together. Later on, such +disturbing events as engagement and marriage had seemed to him enough to +explain any changes he had observed in her. Later still, he had been too +much in love to think about her at all, in the true sense of the word. +She had been to him "all a wonder and a wild desire."</p> + +<p>Now, taking the dates of her collapses of memory, he made, despite +himself, certain notes on those changes. It is to be feared he did not +often want to see Miss Timson; but on the day after Milly's return to +the world, he cycled out to visit her friend. Tims was spending the +summer on the wild and beautiful ridge which has since become a suburb +of Oxford. It was doubtful whether he would find her in, as she was +herself a mighty<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[97]</a></span> cyclist, making most of her journeys on the wheel, +happy in the belief that she was saving money at the expense of the +railway companies.</p> + +<p>The time of flowers, the freshness of trees, and the glory of gorse and +broom was over. It was the season of full summer when the midlands, +clothed with their rich but sheenless mantle of green, wear a +self-satisfied air, as of dull people conscious of deserved prosperity. +But just as the sea or a mountain or an adventurous soul will always +lend an element of the surprising and romantic to the commonest corner +of earth, so the sky will perpetually transfigure large spaces of level +country, valley or plain, laid open to its capricious influences. Boars +Hill looks over the wide valley of the narrow Og to the downs, and up to +where that merges into the valley of the Upper Thames. By the sandy +track which Ian followed, the tree still stood, though no longer alone, +whence the poet of <i>Thyrsis</i> looking northward, saw the "fair city with +her dreaming spires"; less fair indeed to-day than when he looked upon +it, but still "lovely all times," in all its fleeting shades, whether +blond and sharp-cut in the sunshine or dimly gray among its veiling +trees. The blue waving line of the downs, crowned here and there by +clumps of trees, ran far along the southwestern horizon, melting +vaporously in the distance above "the Vale, the three lone weirs, the +youthful Thames." Over the downs and over the wide valley of ripening +cornfields, of indigo hedgerow-elms and greener willow and woodland, of +red-roofed homesteads and towered churches,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[98]</a></span> moved slowly the broad +shadows of rolling clouds that journeyed through the intense blue above. +Some shadows were like veils of pale gray gauze, through which the world +showed a delicately softened face; others were dark, with a rich, +indefinable hue of their own, and as they moved, the earth seemed to +burst into a deeper glow of color behind them. Close by, the broken +hill-side was set here and there with oak and thorn, was everywhere deep +in bracken, on whose large fronds lay the bluish bloom of their +maturity. It all gained a definiteness of form, an air of meaning by its +detachment from the wide background floating behind.</p> + +<p>Following steep and circuitous lanes, Ian arrived at the lodging-house +and found Tims on the porch preparing to start on her bicycle. But +flattered and surprised by his visit, she ordered tea in the bright +little sitting-room she was inhabiting. He was shy of approaching the +real object of his visit. They marked time awhile till the thunderstorm +became their theme. Then he told something of Milly's sleep-walking, her +collapse of memory; and watched Tims meantime, hoping to see in her face +merely surprise and concern. But there was no surprise, hardly concern +in the queer little face. There was excitement, and at last a flash of +positive pleasure.</p> + +<p>"Good old M.!" she observed. "I'm glad she has got back; though I'm a +bit proud of the other one too. I expect you feel much the same, old +boy, don't you?"<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[99]</a></span></p> + +<p>The speech was the reverse of soothing, even to its detail of "old boy." +He looked at his teacup and drew his black brows together.</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid I don't understand, Miss Timson. I suppose you think it a +joke, but to me it seems rather a serious matter."</p> + +<p>"Of course it is; uncommon serious," returned Tims, too much interested +in her subject to consider the husband's feelings. "Bless you! <i>I</i> don't +want to be responsible for it. At first I thought it was a simple case +of a personality evolved by hypnotism; but if so it would have depended +on the hypnotist, and you see it didn't after the first."</p> + +<p>"I don't think we need bother about hypnotism"—there was a note of +impatience in Ian's voice—"it's just a case of collapse of memory. But +as you were with her the first time it happened, I want to know exactly +how far the collapse went. There were signs of it every now and then in +her work, but on the whole it improved."</p> + +<p>"You never can tell what will happen in these cases," said Tims. "She +remembered her book-learning pretty well, but she forgot her own name, +and as to people and things that had happened, she was like a new-born +babe. If I hadn't nursed her through she'd have been sent to a lunatic +asylum. But it wasn't that, after all, that made it so exciting. It was +the difference between Milly's two personalities. You don't mean to say, +old chap, you've lived with her for seven months and can't see the +difference?"</p> + +<p>Tims looked at him. She held strong theoretical<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[100]</a></span> views as to the +stupidity of the male, but circumstances had seldom before allowed her +to put them to the test. Behold them more than justified; for Ian was +far above the average in intelligence. He, for a fraction of a minute, +paused, deliberately closing the shutter of his mind against an +unpleasant search-light that shot back on the experiences of his +courtship and marriage.</p> + +<p>"Well, I suppose I'm not imaginative," he returned, with a dry laugh. "I +only see certain facts about her memory and want more of them, to tell +Norton-Smith when I take her up to see him."</p> + +<p>"Norton-Smith!" exclaimed Tims. "What is the good? Englishmen are all +right when it's a question of filling up the map of Africa, but they're +no good on the dark continent of ourselves. They're cowards. That's +what's the matter with them. Don't go to Norton-Smith."</p> + +<p>Stewart made an effectual effort to overcome his irritation. He ought to +have known better than to turn to an oddity like Tims for advice and +sympathy.</p> + +<p>"Whom ought I to go to, then?" he asked, good-humoredly, and looking +particularly long as he rose from the depths of the low wicker chair. "A +medicine-man with horns and a rattle?"</p> + +<p>"Well," returned Tims with deliberation, pulling on a pair of thread +gloves, "I dare say he could teach Norton-Smith a thing or two. Mind +you, I'm not talking spiritualistic rot; I'm talking scientific facts, +which every one knows except the English scientific men, who keep on +clapping their glass to the blind<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[101]</a></span> eye like a lot of clock-work Nelsons. +The effects of hypnotism are as much facts as the effects of a bottle of +whiskey. But Milly's case is different. In my opinion she's developed an +independent double personality. It's an inconvenient state of things, +but I don't suppose it'll last forever. One or the other will get +stronger and 'hold the fort.' But it's rather a bad business anyhow." +Tims paused and sighed, drawing on the other glove. "I'm—I'm fond of +them both myself, and I expect you'll feel the same, when you see the +difference."</p> + +<p>Ian laughed awkwardly, his brown eyes fixed scrutinizingly upon her.</p> + +<p>"So long as the fort holds somebody, I sha'n't worry," he said, lightly.</p> + +<p>They went out, and as he led his own bicycle towards the upper track, +Tims spun down the steep drive, and, turning into the lane, kissed her +hand to him in farewell from under the brim of her perennially crooked +hat.</p> + +<p>"That Timson girl's more than queer," he mused to himself, going on. +"There's a streak of real insanity in her. I'm afraid it's not been good +for a highly strung creature like Mildred to see so much of her; and why +on earth did she?"</p> + +<p>He tried to clear his mind of Tims's fantastic suggestions; of +everything, indeed, except the freshness of the air rushing past him, +the beauty of the wide view, steeped in the romance of distance. But +memory, that strange, recalcitrant, mechanical slave of ours, kept +diving, without connivance of his, into the recesses of the past twenty<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[102]</a></span> +months of his life, and presenting to him unsolicited, circumstances, +experiences, which he had thrust away unclassified—his own surprise, +almost perplexity, when Mildred had brought him work for the first time +after her illness that autumn Term before last; his disappointment and +even boredom in his engagement and the first three weeks of his +marriage; then the change in his own feelings after her long sleep at +the Hôtel du Chalet; besides a score of disquieting trifles which meant +nothing till they were strung on a thread. He felt himself beginning to +be infected with Flora Timson's mania against his will, against his +sober judgment; and he spun down Bagley Hill at a runaway speed, only +saved by a miracle from collision with a cart which emerged from +Hincksey Lane at the jolting pace with which the rustic pursues his +undeviating course.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[103]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XII</h2> + + +<p>Milly, too, had not been without a sharp reminder that the leaves in her +life so blank to her, had been fully inscribed by another. She hardly +yet felt mistress of the house, but it was pleasant to rest and read in +the low, white-panelled drawing-room, which lowered awnings kept cool, +although the afternoon sun struck a golden shaft across the flowering +window-boxes of its large and deeply recessed bow-window. The whole room +was lighter and more feminine than Milly would have made it, but at +bottom the taste that reigned there was more severe than her own. The +only pictures on the panels were a few eighteenth century colored +prints, already charming, soon to be valuable, and one or two framed +pieces of needlework which harmonized with them.</p> + +<p>Presently the door-bell rang and a Mr. Fitzroy was announced by the +parlor-maid, in a tone which implied that she was accustomed to his +name. He looked about the age of an undergraduate and was +extraordinarily well-groomed, in spite of, or perhaps because of, being +in a riding-dress. His sleek dark hair was neatly parted in the middle +and he was clean shaven, when to be so smacked of the stage;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[104]</a></span> but his +manners and expression smacked of nothing of the kind.</p> + +<p>"I'm awfully glad to find you at home, Mrs. Stewart," he said. "I've +been lunching at the Morrisons', and, you know, I'm afraid there's going +to be a row."</p> + +<p>The Morrisons? They lived outside Oxford, and Milly knew them by sight, +that was all.</p> + +<p>"What about?" she asked, kindly, thinking the young man had come for +help, or at least sympathy, in some embarrassment of his own.</p> + +<p>"Why, about your acting Galatea. Jim Morrison's been a regular fool +about it. He'd no business to take it for granted that that was the part +I wanted Mrs. Shaw for. Now it appears she's telling every one that +she's been asked to play the lead at the Besselsfield theatricals; and, +by Jove, he says she is to, too!"</p> + +<p>Milly went rather pale and then quite pink.</p> + +<p>"Then of course I couldn't think of taking the part," she said, gasping +with relief at this providential escape.</p> + +<p>Mr. Fitzroy in his turn flushed. He had an obstinate chin and the cares +of stage-management had already traced a line right across his smooth +forehead. It deepened to a furrow as he leaned forward out of his low +wicker chair, clutching the pair of dogskin gloves which he held in his +hand.</p> + +<p>"Oh, come, I say now, Mrs. Stewart!" and his voice and eye were +surprisingly stern for one so young. "That's not playing fair. You +promised me you'd see me through this show, and you know<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[105]</a></span> as well as I +do, Mrs. Shaw can no more act than those fire-irons."</p> + +<p>"But I—" Milly was about to say "I've never acted in my life"—when she +remembered that she knew less than any one in her acquaintance what she +had or had not done in that recent life which was not hers. "I shouldn't +act Galatea at all well," she substituted lamely; "and I shouldn't look +the part nearly as well as Mrs. Shaw will."</p> + +<p>"Excuse me, Mrs. Stewart, but I'm certain you're simply cut out for it +all round, and you told me the other day you were particularly anxious +to play it. You promised you'd stick to me through thick and thin and +not care a twopenny—I mean a straw—what Jim Morrison and Mrs. Shaw—"</p> + +<p>In the stress of conversation they had neither of them noticed the +tinkle of the front-door bell. Now the door of the room, narrow and in +the thickness of an enormous wall, was thrown open and Mrs. Shaw was +announced.</p> + +<p>Fitzroy, forgetful of manners in his excitement, stooped forward and +gripping Milly's arm almost hissed:</p> + +<p>"Remember! You've promised me."</p> + +<p>The words filled Milly with misery. That any one should be able to +accuse her of breaking a promise, however unreal her responsibility for +it, was horrible to her.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Shaw entered, no longer the seraph of twenty months ago. She had +latterly put off the æsthetic raiment she had worn with such peculiar +grace, and her dress and coiffure were quite in the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[106]</a></span> fashion of the +hour. The transformation somewhat shocked Milly, who could never help +feeling a slight austere prejudice against fashionably dressed woman. +Then, considering how little she knew Mrs. Shaw, it was embarrassing to +be kissed by her.</p> + +<p>"It's odd I should find you here, Mr. Fitzroy," said Mrs. Shaw, settling +her rustling skirts on a chintzy chair. "I've just come to talk to Mrs. +Stewart about the acting. I'm so sorry there's been a misunderstanding +about it."</p> + +<p>Her tone was civil but determined, and there was a fighting look in her +eye.</p> + +<p>"So am I, Mrs. Shaw, most uncommonly sorry," returned Fitzroy, patting +his sleek hair and feeling that his will was adamant, however pretty +Mrs. Shaw might be.</p> + +<p>"Of course, I shouldn't have thought of taking the part away from Mrs. +Stewart," she resumed, glancing at Milly, not without meaning, "but Mr. +Morrison asked me to take it quite a fortnight ago. I've learned most of +it and rehearsed two scenes already with him. He says they go capitally, +and we both think it seems rather a pity to waste all that labor and +change the part now."</p> + +<p>Fitzroy cast a look at Mrs. Stewart which was meant to call up +reinforcements from that quarter; but as she sat there quite silent, he +cleared his throat and begun:</p> + +<p>"It's an awful bore, of course, but I fancy it's about three weeks or a +month since I first asked Mrs. Stewart to play the lead—isn't it, Mrs. +Stewart?"</p> + +<p>Milly muttered assent, horribly suspecting a lie.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[107]</a></span> A flash of indignant +scorn from Mrs. Shaw confirmed the suspicion.</p> + +<p>"Mrs. Stewart said something quite different when I spoke to her about +it at tennis on Friday. Didn't you, Mildred?" she asked.</p> + +<p>Milly crimsoned.</p> + +<p>"Did I?" she stammered. "I'm afraid I've got a dreadfully bad +memory—for—for dates of that kind."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Shaw smiled coldly. Mr. Fitzroy felt himself deceived in Mrs. +Stewart as an ally. He had counted on her promised support, on her wit +and spirit to carry him through, and her conduct was simply cowardly.</p> + +<p>"The fact is, Mrs. Shaw," he said, "Jim Morrison's not bossing this show +at all. That's where the mistake has come in. My aunt, Lady Wolvercote, +is a bit of an autocrat, don't you know, and she doesn't like us fellows +to arrange things on our own account. If she knew you I'm sure she'd see +what a splendid Galatea you'd make, but as it is she's set her heart on +getting Mrs. Stewart from the very first."</p> + +<p>Had he stopped here his position would have been good, but an indignant +instinct, urging him to push the reluctant Mrs. Stewart into the proper +place of woman—that natural shield of man against all the social +disagreeables he brings on himself—made Fitzroy rush into the fatal +detail.</p> + +<p>"My aunt told you so at the Masonic; didn't she, Mrs. Stewart?"</p> + +<p>Milly, under the young man's imperious eye,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[108]</a></span> assented feebly, but Mrs. +Shaw laughed. She perfectly remembered Mildred having mentioned on that +very occasion that she did not know Lady Wolvercote by sight.</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid I've come just a few minutes too soon," she said, dryly. +"You and Mr. Fitzroy don't seem to have talked things over quite +enough."</p> + +<p>The saying was dark and yet too clear. Milly, the meticulously truthful, +saw herself convicted of some horrible falsehood. She blushed violently, +gasped, and rolled her handkerchief into a tight ball. Mr. Fitzroy +ignoring the insinuation, changed his line.</p> + +<p>"The part we really wanted you to take, Mrs. Shaw, was that of a nymph +in an Elizabethan masque which Lumley has written, with music by Stephen +Bampton. It's to be played in the rose garden and there's a chorus of +nymphs who sing and dance. We want them to look perfectly lovely, don't +you know, and as there can't be any make-up to speak of, it's awfully +difficult to find the right people."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Shaw disdained the lure and mentally condemned his anxiously civil +manner as "soapy."</p> + +<p>"I shall ask Mr. Morrison to go to Lady Wolvercote at once," she said, +"and see whether she really wishes me to give up the part. Time's +getting on, and he says he won't be able to have many more rehearsals."</p> + +<p>There was a sound as of a carriage stopping in the street below, the +jingling of bits, and a high<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[109]</a></span> female voice giving an order. Fitzroy, +inwardly exasperated by Mrs. Shaw's resistance and the abject conduct of +his ally, sprang to his feet.</p> + +<p>"I believe that's my aunt!" he exclaimed. "She wants me to call at +Blenheim on the way home, and I suppose the Morrisons told her where I +was."</p> + +<p>He managed to slip his head out between the edge of an awning and the +mignonette and geraniums of a window-box.</p> + +<p>"It's my aunt, right enough. May I fetch her up, Mrs. Stewart?" He was +down the stairs in a moment and voluble in low-voiced colloquy with the +lady in the barouche.</p> + +<p>Lady Wolvercote was organizing the great fancy fair for the benefit of +the County Cottage Hospitals, and had left the dramatic part of the +programme to her nephew to arrange. She was a tall, slight woman, of the +usual age for aunts, and pleasant to every one; but she took it for +granted that every one would do as she wished—naturally, since they +always did in her neighborhood. As she stumbled up the stairs after +Charlie Fitzroy—it was a dark staircase and narrow in proportion to its +massive oak balusters—she felt faintly annoyed with him for dragging +her into the quarrels of his middle-class friends, but confident that +she could manage them without the least trouble.</p> + +<p>Milly was relieved at the return of Mr. Fitzroy with his aunt. She had +had an unhappy five minutes with Mrs. Shaw, who had been saying cryptic +but unpleasant things and calling her<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[110]</a></span> "Mildred"; whereas she did not so +much as know Mrs. Shaw's Christian name.</p> + +<p>Seeing Mrs. Shaw, beautiful, animated, well-dressed, and Milly neatly +clothed, since her clothes were not of her own choosing, but with her +hair unbecomingly knotted, the brightness of her eyes, complexion, and +expression in eclipse, Lady Wolvercote wondered at her nephew's choice. +But that was his affair. She began to talk in a rather high-pitched +voice and continuously, like one whose business it is to talk; so that +it was difficult to interrupt without rudeness.</p> + +<p>"So you're going to be kind enough to act Galatea for us at our fancy +fair, Mrs. Stewart? We want it to be a great success, and Lord +Wolvercote and I have heard so much about your acting. My nephew said +the part of Galatea would suit you exactly; didn't you, Charlie?"</p> + +<p>"Down to the ground," interpolated, or rather accompanied, Fitzroy. "We +shall have the placards out on Wednesday, and people are looking forward +already to seeing Mrs. Stewart. There'll be a splendid audience."</p> + +<p>"Every one has promised to fill their houses for the fair," Lady +Wolvercote was continuing, "and the Duke thinks he may be able to get +down ——," she mentioned a royalty. "You're going to help us too, +aren't you, Mrs. Shaw? It's so very kind of you. We've got such a pretty +part for you in a musical affair which Lenny Lumley wrote with somebody +or other for the Duchess of Ulster's Elizabethan bazaar. There's a +chorus of fairies<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[111]</a></span>—nymphs, Charlie? Yes, nymphs, and we want them all +to be very pretty and able to sing, and there's a charming dance for +them. I'm afraid that silly boy, Jim Morrison, made some mistake about +it, and told you we wanted you to act Galatea. But of course we couldn't +possibly do without you in the other thing, and Mrs. Stewart seems quite +pointed out for that Galatea part. Jim's such a dear, isn't he? And such +a splendid actor, every one says he really ought to go on the stage. But +we none of us pay the least attention to anything the dear boy says, for +he always does manage to get things wrong."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Shaw had been making little movements preparatory to going. She had +no gift for the stage except beauty, but that produces an illusion of +success, and she took her acting with the seriousness of a Duse.</p> + +<p>"I'm sorry I didn't know Mr. Morrison's habits better," she replied. +"I've been studying the part of Galatea a good deal and rehearsing it +with him as well. Of course, I don't for a moment wish to prevent Mrs. +Stewart from taking it, but I've spent a good deal of time upon it and +I'm afraid I can't undertake anything else. Of course, it's very +inconvenient stopping in Oxford in August, and I shouldn't care to do it +except for the sake of a part which I felt gave me a real opportunity—"</p> + +<p>"But it's a very pretty part we've got for you," resumed Lady +Wolvercote, perplexed. "And we were hoping to see you over at +Besselsfield a good deal for rehearsals—"<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[112]</a></span></p> + +<p>It seemed to her a "part of nature's holy plan" that the prospect of +Besselsfield should prove irresistibly attractive to the wives of +professional men.</p> + +<p>"Thanks, so much, but I'm sure you and Mr. Fitzroy must know plenty of +girls who would do for that sort of part," returned Mrs. Shaw.</p> + +<p>Milly here broke in eagerly:</p> + +<p>"Please, Lady Wolvercote, do persuade Mrs. Shaw to take Galatea; I'm +sure I sha'n't be able to do it a bit; and I would try and take the +nymph. I should love the music, and I know I could do the singing, +anyhow."</p> + +<p>She rose because Mrs. Shaw had risen and was looking for her parasol and +shaking out her plumes. But why did Mr. Fitzroy and Mrs. Shaw both stare +at her in an unvarnished surprise, touched with ridicule on the lady's +side?</p> + +<p>"No, no, Mrs. Stewart, that won't do!" cried he, in obvious dismay. At +the same moment Mrs. Shaw ejaculated, ironically:</p> + +<p>"That's very brave of you Mildred! I thought you hated music and were +never going to try to sing again."</p> + +<p>She and Fitzroy had both been present on an occasion when Mildred, urged +on by Milly's musical reputation, had committed herself to an experiment +in song which had not been successful.</p> + +<p>"Thank you very much," Mrs. Shaw went on, "for offering to change, but +of course Lady Wolvercote must arrange things as she likes; and, to +speak frankly, I'm not particularly sorry to give the act<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[113]</a></span>ing up, as my +husband was rather upset at my not being able to go to Switzerland with +him on the 28th. No, please don't trouble; I can let myself out. +Good-bye, Lady Wolvercote; I hope the fair and the theatricals will be a +great success. Good-bye, Mr. Fitzroy, good-bye."</p> + +<p>Lady Wolvercote's faint remonstrances were drowned in the adieus, and +Mrs. Shaw sailed out with flying colors, while Milly sank back abjectly +into the seat from which she had risen. Every minute she was realizing +with a more awful clearness that she, whose one appearance on the stage +had been short and disastrous, was cast to play the leading part in a +public play before a large and brilliant audience. She hardly heard +Fitzroy's bitter remarks on Mrs. Shaw—not forgetting Jim Morrison—or +Lady Wolvercote exclaiming in a voice almost dreamy with amazement:</p> + +<p>"Really it's too extraordinary!"</p> + +<p>"I'm very sorry Mrs. Shaw won't take the part," said Milly, clasping and +unclasping her slender fingers, "for I know I can't do it myself."</p> + +<p>Fitzroy was protesting, but she forced herself to continue: "You don't +know what I'm like when I'm nervous. When we had <i>tableaux vivants</i> at +Ascham I was supposed to be Charlotte putting a wreath on Werther's urn, +and I trembled so much that I knocked the urn down. It was only +card-board, so it didn't break, but every one laughed and the tableau +was spoiled."</p> + +<p>Fitzroy and his aunt cried out that that was nothing, a first +appearance; any one could see she<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[114]</a></span> had got over that now. Pale, with +terrified eyes, she looked from one to the other of her tormentors, who +continued to sing the praises of her past prowess on the boards and to +foretell the unprecedented harvest of laurels she would reap at +Besselsfield. The higher their enthusiasm rose, the more profound became +her dejection. There seemed no loop-hole for escape, unless the earth +would open and swallow her, which however much to be desired was hardly +to be expected.</p> + +<p>The ting of a bicycle-bell below did not seem to promise assistance, for +cyclists affected the quiet street. But it happened that this bicycle +bore Ian to the door. He did not notice the coronet on the carriage +which stood before it, and assumed it to belong to one of the three or +four ladies in Oxford who kept such equipages. Yet in the blank state of +Milly's memory, he was sorry she had not denied herself to visitors, +which Mildred had already learned to do with a freedom only possible to +women who are assured social success. Commonly the sight of a carriage +would have sent him tiptoeing past the drawing-room, but now, vaguely +uneasy, he came straight in. He looked particularly tall in the frame of +the doorway, so low that his black hair almost touched the lintel; +particularly handsome in the shaded, white-panelled room, into which the +dark glow of his sunburned skin and brown eyes, bright with exercise, +seemed to bring the light and warmth of the summer earth and sky.</p> + +<p>Milly sprang to meet him. Lady Wolvercote was surprised to learn that +this was Mrs. Stewart's<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[115]</a></span> husband. She had no idea a Don could be so +young and good-looking. Judging of Dons solely by the slight and +slighting references of her undergraduate relatives, she had imagined +them to be weird-looking men, within various measurable distances of the +grave.</p> + +<p>"Lady Wolvercote and Mr. Fitzroy want me to act Galatea at the +Besselsfield theatricals," said Milly, clinging to his sleeve and +looking up at him with appealing eyes. "Please tell them I can't +possibly do it. I'm—I'm not well enough—am I?"</p> + +<p>"We're within three weeks of the performance, sir," put in Fitzroy. +"Mrs. Stewart promised she'd do it, and we shall be in a regular fix now +if she gives it up. Mrs. Shaw's chucked us already."</p> + +<p>"Yes, and every one says how splendidly Mrs. Stewart acts," pleaded Lady +Wolvercote.</p> + +<p>Stewart had half forgotten the matter; but now he remembered that +Mildred had been keen to have the part only a week ago, and a little +pettish because he had advised her to leave it alone, on account of Mrs. +Shaw. Now she was hanging on him with desperate eyes and that worried +brow which he had not seen once since he had married her.</p> + +<p>"I'm extremely sorry, Lady Wolvercote," he said, "but my wife's had a +nervous break-down lately and I can't allow her to act. She's not fit +for it."</p> + +<p>"Ah, I see—I quite understand!" returned Lady Wolvercote. "But we'd +take great care of her, Mr. Stewart. She could come and stay at +Besselsfield."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[116]</a></span></p> + +<p>Fitzroy's gloom lifted. His aunt was a trump. Surely an invitation to +Besselsfield must do the job. But Stewart, though apologetic, was +inflexible. He had forbidden his wife to act and there was an end of it. +The perception of the differences between the two personalities of Milly +which had been thrust to-day on his unwilling mind, made him grasp the +meaning of her frantic appeals for protection. He relieved her of all +responsibility for her refusal to act.</p> + +<p>Lady Wolvercote observed, as she and her nephew went sadly on their way, +that Mr. Stewart seemed a very, very odd man in spite of his presentable +manners and appearance; and Fitzroy replied gloomily that of course he +was a beast. Dons always were beasts.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[117]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XIII</h2> + + +<p>The diplomatic incident of the theatricals was not the only minor +trouble which Milly found awaiting her. The cook's nerves were upset by +a development of rigid economy on the part of her mistress, and she gave +notice; the house parlor-maid followed suit. No one seemed to have kept +Ian's desk tidy, his papers in order, or his clothes properly mended. It +was a joy to her to put everything belonging to him right.</p> + +<p>When all was arranged to her satisfaction: "Ian," she said, sitting on +his knee with her head on his shoulder, "I can't bear to think how +wretched you must have been all the time I was away."</p> + +<p>Ian was silent a minute.</p> + +<p>"But you haven't been away, and I don't like you to talk as though you +had."</p> + +<p>Wretched? It would have been absurd to think of himself as wretched now; +yet compared with the wonderful happiness that had been his for more +than half a year, what was this "house swept and garnished"? An empty +thing. Words of Tims's which he had thought irritating and absurd at the +time, haunted him now. "<i>You don't mean to say you haven't seen the +difference?</i>" He might not have seen it, but he had felt it. He felt it +now.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[118]</a></span></p> + +<p>There was at any rate no longer any question of Dieppe. They took +lodgings at Sheringham and he made good progress with his book. Yet not +quite so good as he had hoped. Milly was indefatigable in looking up +points and references, in preventing him from slipping into the small +inaccuracies to which he was prone; but he missed the stimulus of +Mildred's alert mind, so quick to hit a blot in logic or in taste, so +vivid in appreciation.</p> + +<p>Milly meantime guessed nothing of his dissatisfaction. She adored her +husband more every day, and her happiness would have been perfect had it +not been for the haunting horror of the possible "change" which might be +lurking for her round the corner of any night—that "change," which +other people might call what they liked, but which meant for her the +robbery of her life, her young happy life with Ian. He had taken her +twice to Norton-Smith before the great man went for his holiday. +Norton-Smith had pronounced it a peculiar but not unprecedented case of +collapse of memory, caused by overwork; and had spent most of the +consultation time in condemning the higher education of women. Time, +rest, and the fulfilment of woman's proper function of maternity would, +he affirmed, bring all right, since there was no sign of disease in Mrs. +Stewart, who appeared to him, on the contrary, a perfectly healthy young +woman. When Ian, alone with him, began tentatively to bring to the +doctor's notice the changes in character and intelligence that had +accompanied the losses of memory, he found his<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[119]</a></span> remarks set aside like +the chatter of a foolish child.</p> + +<p>If maternity would indeed exorcise the Invader, Milly had lost no time +in beginning the exorcism. And she did believe that somehow it would; +not because the doctor said so, but because she could not believe God +would let a child's mother be changed in that way, at any rate while she +was bearing it. To do so would be to make it more motherless than any +little living thing on earth. Milly had always been quietly but deeply +religious, and she struggled hard against the feeling of peculiar +injustice in this strange affliction that had been sent to her. She +prayed earnestly to God every night to help and protect her and her +child, and the period of six or seven months, at which the "change" had +come before, passed without a sign of it. In April a little boy was +born. They called him Antonio, after a learned Italian, a friend and +teacher of Ian's.</p> + +<p>The advent of the child did something to explain the comparative +seclusion into which Mrs. Stewart had retired, and the curious dulling +of that brilliant personality of hers. The Master of Durham was among +the few of Mrs. Stewart's admirers who declined to recognize the change +in her. He had been attracted by the girl Milly Flaxman, by her gentle, +shy manners and pretty face, combined with her reputation for +scholarship; the brilliant Invader had continued to attract him in +another way. The difference between the two, if faced, would have been +disagreeably mysterious. He preferred<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[120]</a></span> to say and think that there was +none; Mrs. Stewart was probably not very well.</p> + +<p>Milly's shyness made it peculiarly awkward for her to find herself in +possession of a number of friends whom she would not have chosen +herself, and of whose doings and belongings she was in complete +ignorance. However, if she gave offence she was unconscious of it, and +it came very naturally to her to shrink back into the shadow of her +household gods. Ian and the baby were almost sufficient in themselves to +fill her life. There was just room on the outskirts of it for a few +relations and old friends, and Aunt Beatrice still held her honored +place. But it was through Aunt Beatrice that she was first to learn the +feel of a certain dull heartache which was destined to grow upon her +like some fell disease, a thing of ceaseless pain.</p> + +<p>She was especially anxious to get Aunt Beatrice, who had been in America +all the Summer Vacation, to stay with them in the Autumn Term as Lady +Thomson had been with them in May, and Milly did not like to think of +the number of things, all wrong, which she was sure to have noticed in +the house. Besides, what with theatricals and other engagements, it was +evident that a good many people had been "in and out" in the Summer +Term—a condition of life which Lady Thomson always denounced. Milly was +anxious for her to see that that phase was past and that her favorite +niece had settled down into the quiet, well-ordered existence of which +she approved.</p> + +<p>Aunt Beatrice came; but oh, disappointment! If it had been possible to +say of Lady Thomson, whose<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[121]</a></span> moods were under almost perfect control, +that she was out of temper, Milly would have said it. She volunteered no +opinion, but when asked, she compared Milly's new cook unfavorably with +her former one. When her praise was anxiously sought, she observed that +it was undesirable to be careless in one's housekeeping, but less +disagreeable than to be fussy and house-proud. She added that +Milly—whom she called Mildred—must be on her guard against relaxing +into domestic dulness, when she could be so extremely clever and +charming if she liked. Milly was bewildered and distressed. She felt +sure that she had passed through a phase of which Aunt Beatrice ought to +have disapproved. She had evidently been frivolous and neglectful of her +duties; yet it seemed as though her aunt had been better pleased with +her when she was like that. What could have made Aunt Beatrice, of all +women, unkind and unjust?</p> + +<p>In this way more than a year went by. The baby grew and was +short-coated; the October Term came round once more, and still Milly +remained the same Milly. To have wished it otherwise would have seemed +like wishing for her death.</p> + +<p>But at times a great longing for another, quite another, came over Ian. +It was like a longing for the beloved dead. Of course it was mad—mad! +He struggled against the feeling, and generally succeeded in getting +back to the point of view that the change had been more in himself, in +his own emotional moods, than in Milly.</p> + +<p>October, the golden month, passed by and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[122]</a></span> November came in, soft and +dim; a merry month for the hunting men beside the coverts, where the +red-brown leaves still hung on the oak-trees and brushwood, and among +the grassy lanes, the wide fresh fields and open hill-sides. No ill +month either for those who love to light the lamp early and open their +books beside a cheerful fire. But then the rain came, a persistent, +soaking rain. Milly always went to her district on Tuesdays, no matter +what the weather, and this time she caught a cold. Ian urged her to stop +in bed next morning. He himself had to be in College early, and could +not come home till the afternoon.</p> + +<p>It was still raining and the early falling twilight was murky and brown. +The dull yellow glare of the street-lamps was faintly reflected in the +muddy wetness of pavements and streets. He was carrying a great armful +of books and papers under his dripping mackintosh and umbrella. As he +walked homeward as fast as his inconvenient load allowed, he became +acutely conscious of a depression of spirits which had been growing upon +him all day. It was the weather, he argued, affecting his nerves or +digestion. The vision of a warm, cosey house, a devoted wife awaiting +him, ought to have cheered him, but it did not. He hoped he would not +feel irritable when Milly rushed into the hall as soon as his key was +heard in the front door, to feel him all over and take every damp thread +tragically. Poor dear Milly! What a discontented brute of a husband she +had got! The fault was no doubt with himself, and he would not really be +happy even if<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[123]</a></span> some miracle did set him down on a sunny Mediterranean +shore, with enough money to live upon and nothing to think of but his +book. Mildred used to say that she always went to a big dinner at Durham +in the unquenchable hope of meeting and fascinating some millionaire who +had sense enough to see how much better it would be to endow writers of +good books than readers of silly ones.</p> + +<p>With the recollection there rang in the ears of his mind the sound of a +laugh which he had not heard for seventeen months. Something seemed to +tighten about his heart. Yes, he could be quite happy without the +millionaire, without the sunny skies, without even the pretty, +comfortable home at whose door he stood, if somewhere, anywhere, he +could hope to hear that laugh again, to hold again in his arms the +strange bright bride who had melted from them like snow in +spring-time—but that way madness lay. He thrust the involuntary longing +from him almost with horror, and turned the latch-key in his door.</p> + +<p>The hall lamp was burning low and the house seemed very chilly and +quiet. He put his books down on the oak table, threw his streaming +mackintosh upon the large chest, and went up to his dressing-room, to +change whatever was still damp about him before seeking Milly, who +presumably was nursing her cold before the study fire. When he had +thrown off his shoes, he noticed that the door leading to his wife's +room was ajar and a faint red glow of firelight showed invitingly +through the chink. A fire! It was irresistible. He went in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[124]</a></span> quickly and +stirred the coals to a roaring blaze. The dancing flames lit up the +long, low room with its few pieces of furniture, its high white +wainscoting, and paper patterned with birds and trellised leaves. They +lit up the low white bed and the white figure of his sleeping wife. Till +then he had thought the room was empty. She lay there so deathly still +and straight that he was smitten with a sudden fear; but leaning over +her he heard her quiet, regular breathing and saw that if somewhat pale, +she was normal in color. He touched her hand. It was withdrawn by a +mechanical movement, but not before he had felt that it was warm.</p> + +<p>A wild excitement thrilled him; it would have been truer to say a wild +joy, only that it held a pang of remorse for itself. So she had lain at +the Hôtel du Chalet when he had left her for that long walk over the +crisp mountain snow. And when he had returned, she—what She? No, his +brain did not reel on the verge of madness; it merely accepted under the +compulsion of knowledge a truth of those truths that are too profound to +admit of mere external proof. For our reason plays at the edge of the +universe as a little child plays at the edge of the sea, gathering from +its fringes the flotsam and jetsam of its mighty life. But miles and +miles beyond the ken of the eager eye, beyond the reach of the alert +hand, lies the whole great secret life of the sea. And if it were all +laid bare and spread at the child's feet, how could the little hand +suffice to gather its vast treasures, the inexperienced eye to perceive +and classify them?<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[125]</a></span></p> + +<p>Alone in the firelit, silent room, with this tranced form before him, +Ian Stewart knew that the woman who would arise from that bed would be a +different woman from the one who had lain down upon it. By what +mysterious alchemy of nature transmuted he could not understand, any +more than he could understand the greater part of the workings of that +cosmic energy which he was compelled to recognize, although he might be +cheated with words into believing that he understood them. Another woman +would arise and she his Love. She had been gone so long; his heart had +hungered for her so long, in silence even to himself. She had been dead +and now she was about to be raised from the dead. He lighted the +candles, locked the doors, and paced softly up and down, stopping to +look at the figure on the bed from time to time. Far around him, close +about him, life was moving at its usual jog-trot pace. People were going +back to their College rooms or domestic hearths, grumbling about the +weather or their digestions or their colds, thinking of their work for +the evening or of their dinner engagements—and suddenly a door had shut +between him and all that outside world. He was no longer moving in the +driven herd. He was alone, above them in an upper chamber, awaiting the +miracle of resurrection.</p> + +<p>In the visions that passed before his mind's eye the face of Milly, +pale, with pleading eyes, was not absent; but with a strange hardness +which he had never felt before, he thrust the sighing phantom from him. +She had had her turn of happiness, a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[126]</a></span> long one; it was only fair that +now they two, he and that Other, should have their chance, should put +their lips to the full cup of life. The figure on the bed stirred, +turned on one side, and slipped a hand under the pure curve of the young +cheek. He was by the bed in a moment; but it still slept, though less +profoundly, without that tranced look, as though the flame of life +itself burned low within.</p> + +<p>How would she first greet him? Last time she had leaned into the clear +sunshine and laughed to him from the cloud of her amber hair; and a +spirit in his blood had leaped to the music of her laugh, even while the +rational self knew not it was the lady of his love. But however she came +back it would be she, the Beloved. He felt exultantly how little, after +all, the frame mattered. Last time he had found her, his love had been +set in the sunshine and the splendor of the Alpine snows, with nothing +to jar, nothing to distract it from itself. And that was good. To-day, +it was opening, a sudden and wonderful bloom, in the midst of the murky +discomfort of an English November, the droning hum of the machinery of +his daily work. And this, too, was good.</p> + +<p>Yes, it was better because of the contrast between the wonder and its +environment, better because he himself was more conscious of his joy. He +sat on the bed a while watching her impatiently. In his eyes she was +already filled with a new loveliness, but he wanted her hair, her amber +hair. It was brushed back and imprisoned tightly in a little plait tied +with a white ribbon—Milly's way. With<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[127]</a></span> fingers clumsy, yet gentle, he +took off the ribbon and cautiously undid the plait. Then he took a comb +and spread out the silk-soft hair more as he liked to see it, pleased +with his own skill in the unaccustomed task. She stirred again, but +still she did not wake. He was pacing up and down the room when she +raised herself a little on her pillow and looked fixedly at the opposite +wall. Ian held his breath. He stood perfectly still and watched her. +Presently she sat up and looked about her, looked at him with a faint, +vague smile, like that of a baby. He sat down at the foot of the bed and +took her hand. She smiled at him again, this time with more definite +meaning.</p> + +<p>"Do you know who it is, sweetheart?" he said in a low voice. She nodded +slightly and went on smiling, as though quietly happy.</p> + +<p>"Ian," she breathed, at length.</p> + +<p>"Yes, darling."</p> + +<p>"I've been away a long, long time. How long?"</p> + +<p>He told her.</p> + +<p>She uttered a little "Ah!" and frowned; lay quiet awhile, then drew her +hand from Ian's and sat up still more.</p> + +<p>"I sha'n't lie here any longer," she said, in a stronger voice. "It's +just waste of time." She pushed back the clothes and swung her feet out +of bed. "Oh, how glad I am to be back again! Are you glad I'm back, Ian? +Say you are, do say you are!"</p> + +<p>And Ian on his knees before her, said that he was.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[128]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XIV</h2> + + +<p>Ian was leaning against the high mantel-piece of his study. Above it, +let into the panelling, was an eighteenth-century painting of the Bridge +and Castle of St. Angelo, browned by time. He was wondering how to tell +Mildred about the child, and whether she would resent its presence. She, +too, was meditating, chin on hand. At length she looked up with a sudden +smile.</p> + +<p>"What about the baby, Ian? Don't you take any notice of it yet?"</p> + +<p>He was surprised.</p> + +<p>"How do you know about him?"</p> + +<p>She frowned thoughtfully.</p> + +<p>"I seem to know things that have happened in a kind of way—rather as +though I had seen them in a dream. But they haven't happened to me, you +know."</p> + +<p>"Was it the same last time?"</p> + +<p>"No; but the first time I came, and especially just at first, I seemed +to remember all kinds of things—" She paused as though trying in vain +to revive her impressions—"Odd things, not a bit like anything in +Oxford. I can't recall them now, but sometimes in London I fancy I've +seen places before."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[129]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Of course you have, dear."</p> + +<p>"And the first time I saw that old picture there I knew it was Rome, and +I had a notion that I'd been there and seen just that view."</p> + +<p>"You've been seeing pictures and reading books and hearing talk all your +life, and in the peculiar state of your memory, I suppose you can't +distinguish between the impressions made on it by facts and by ideas."</p> + +<p>Mildred was silent; but it was not the silence of conviction. Then she +jumped up.</p> + +<p>"I'm going to see Baby. You needn't come if you don't want."</p> + +<p>He hesitated.</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid it's too late. Milly doesn't like—" He broke off with a +wild laugh. "What am I talking about!"</p> + +<p>"I suppose you were going to say, Milly doesn't like people taking a +candle into the room when Baby is shut up for the night. I don't care +what Milly likes. He's my baby now, and he's sure to look a duck when +he's asleep. Come along!"</p> + +<p>She put her arm through his and together they climbed the steep +staircase to the nursery.</p> + +<p>Mildred had returned to the world in such excellent spirits at merely +being there, that she took those awkward situations which Milly had +inevitably bequeathed to her, as capital jokes. The partial and external +acquaintance with Milly's doings and points of view which she had +brought back with her, made everything easier than before; but her +derisive dislike of her absent rival was<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[130]</a></span> intensified. It pained Ian if +she dropped a hint of it. Tims was the only person to whom she could +have the comfort of expressing herself; and even Tims made faces and +groaned faintly, as though she did not enjoy Mildred's wit when Milly +was the subject of it. She gave Milly's cook notice at once, but most +things she found in a satisfactory state—particularly the family +finances. More negatively satisfactory was the state of her wardrobe, +since so little had been bought. Mildred still shuddered at the +recollection of the trousseau frocks.</p> + +<p>Once more Mrs. Stewart, whose social career had been like that of the +proverbial rocket shot up into the zenith. But a life of mere amusement +was not the fashion in the circle in which she lived, and her active +brain and easily aroused sympathies made her quick to take up more +serious interests.</p> + +<p>It seemed wiser, too, to make no sudden break with Milly's habits. +Still, Emma, the nurse, opined that Baby got on all the better since +Mrs. Stewart had become "more used to him like"—wasn't always changing +his food, taking his temperature, wanting him to have bandages and +medicine, forbidding him to be talked to or sung to, and pulling his +little, curling-up limbs straight when he was going to sleep. He was a +healthy little fellow and already pretty, with his soft dark +hair—softer than anything in the world except a baby's hair—his +delicate eyebrows and bright dark eyes. Mildred loved playing with him. +Sometimes when Ian heard the tiny shrieks of baby laughter, he used<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[131]</a></span> to +think with a smile and yet with a pang of pity, how shocked poor Milly +would have been at this titillation of the infant brain. But he did not +want thoughts of Milly—so far as he could he shut the door of his mind +against them. She would come back, no doubt, sooner or later; and her +coming back would mean that Mildred would be robbed of her life, his own +life robbed of its joy.</p> + +<p>At the end of Term the Master of Durham sent a note to bid the Stewarts +to dine with him and meet Sir Henry Milwood, the rich Australian, and +Maxwell Davison, the traveller and Orientalist. Ian remarked that +Davison was a cousin, although they had not met since he was a boy. +Maxwell Davison had gone to the East originally as agent for some big +firm, and had spent there nearly twenty years. He was an accomplished +Persian and Arabic scholar, and gossip related that he had run off with +a fair Persian from a Constantinople harem and lived with her in Persia +until her death. But that was years ago.</p> + +<p>When the Stewarts entered the Master's bare bachelor drawing-room, they +found besides the Milwoods, only familiar faces. Maxwell Davison was +still awaited, and with interest. He came, and that interest did not +appear to be mutual, judging from the Oriental impassivity of his long, +brown face, with its narrow, inscrutable eyes. He was tall, slight, +sinewy as a Bedouin, his age uncertain, since his dry leanness and the +dash of silver at his temples might be the effect of burning desert +suns.</p> + +<p>Mildred was delighted at first at being sent into<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[132]</a></span> dinner with him, but +she found him disappointingly taciturn. In truth, he had acquired +Oriental habits and views with regard to women. If a foolish Occidental +custom demanded that they should sit at meat with the lords of creation, +he, Maxwell Davison, would not pretend to acquiesce in it. Mildred, to +whom it was unthinkable that any man should not wish to talk to her, +merely pitied his shyness and determined to break it down; but Davison's +attitude was unbending.</p> + +<p>After dinner the Master, his mortar-board cap on his head, opened the +drawing-room door and invited them to come across to the College Library +to see some bronzes and a few other things that Mr. Davison had +temporarily deposited there. He had divined that Maxwell Davison would +be willing to sell, and in his guileful soul the little Master may have +had schemes of persuading his wealthy friend Milwood to purchase any +bronzes that might be of value to the College or the University. Of the +ladies, only Mildred and Miss Moore, the archæologist, braved the chill +of the mediæval Library to inspect the collection. Davison professed to +no artistic or antiquarian knowledge of the bronzes. They had come to +him in the way of trade and had all been dug up in Asia Minor—no, not +all, for one he had picked up in England. Nevertheless he had succeeded +in getting a pretty clear notion of the relative value of his +bronzes—the Oriental curios with them it was his business to +understand. He could not help observing the sure instinct with which +Mrs. Stewart selected what was best among<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[133]</a></span> all these different objects. +She had the <i>flair</i> of the born collector. The learned archæologists +present leaned over the collection discussing and disputing, and took no +notice of her remarks as she rapidly handled each article. But Davison +did, and when at length she took up a small figure of Augustus—the +bronze that had not come from Asia Minor—and looked at it with a +peculiar doubtful intentness, he began to feel uncomfortable.</p> + +<p>"Anything wrong with that?" he asked, in spite of himself.</p> + +<p>She laughed nervously.</p> + +<p>"Oh, Mr. Davison, please ask some one who knows! I don't. Only I—I seem +to have seen something like it before, that's all."</p> + +<p>Sanderson, roaming around the professed archæologists, took the bronze +from her hands.</p> + +<p>"I'll tell you where you've seen it, Mrs. Stewart. It's engraved in +Egerton's <i>Private Collections of Great Britain</i>. I picked that up the +other day—first edition, 1818. I dare say the book's here. We'll see."</p> + +<p>Sanderson took a candle and went glimmering away down the long, dark +room.</p> + +<p>"What can this be?" asked Mildred, taking up what looked like a glass +ball.</p> + +<p>"Please stand over here and look into it for five minutes," returned +Davison, evasively. "Perhaps you'll see what it is then."</p> + +<p>He somehow wanted to get rid of Mildred's appraisal of his goods.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Davison, your glass ball has gone quite cloudy!" she exclaimed, in +a minute or two.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[134]</a></span></p> + +<p>"That's all right. Go on looking and you'll see something more," he +returned.</p> + +<p>Presently she said:</p> + +<p>"It's so curious. I see the whole room reflected in the glass now, but +it's much lighter than it really is, and the windows seem larger. It all +looks so different. There is some one down there in white."</p> + +<p>Sanderson came up the room carrying a large quarto, open.</p> + +<p>"Here's your bronze, right enough," he said, putting the book down on +the table. "It's under the heading, <i>Hammerton Collection</i>."</p> + +<p>He pointed to a small engraving inscribed, "Bronze statuette of +Augustus. <i>Very rare.</i>"</p> + +<p>"But some fellow's been scribbling something here," continued Sanderson, +turning the book around to read a note written along the margin. He read +out: "'A forgery. Sold by Lady Hammerton to Mr. Solomons, 1819. See case +Solomons <i>versus</i> Hammerton, 1820.'"</p> + +<p>The turning of the book showed Mildred a full-page engraving entitled, +"The Gallery, Hammerton House." It represented a long room somewhat like +the one in which they stood, but still more like the room she had seen +in the crystal; and in the middle distance there was a slightly sketched +figure of a woman in a light dress. Half incredulous, half frightened, +she pored over the engraving which reproduced so strangely the image she +had seen in Maxwell Davison's mysterious ball.</p> + +<p>"How funny!" she almost whispered.</p> + +<p>"You may call it funny, of course, that Lady<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[135]</a></span> Hammerton succeeded in +cheating a Jew, which is what it looks like," rejoined Sanderson, bent +on hunting down his quarry; "but it was pretty discreditable to her +too."</p> + +<p>"Not at all," Maxwell Davison's harsh voice broke in. "That was +Solomons's look out. I sha'n't bring a lawsuit against the fellow who +sold me that Augustus, if it is a forgery. A man's a fool to deal in +things he doesn't understand."</p> + +<p>"What is this glass ball, Mr. Davison?" asked Miss Moore, in her turn +taking up the uncanny thing Mildred had laid down.</p> + +<p>"It's a divining-crystal. In the East certain people, mostly boys, look +in these crystals and see all sorts of things, present, past, and to +come."</p> + +<p>Miss Moore laughed.</p> + +<p>"Or pretend they do!"</p> + +<p>"Who knows? It isn't of any interest, really. The things that have +happened have happened, and the things that are to happen will happen +just as surely, whether we foresee them or not."</p> + +<p>Miss Moore turned to the Master.</p> + +<p>"Look, Master—this is a divining-crystal, and Mr. Davison's trying to +persuade me that in the East people really see visions in it."</p> + +<p>The Master smiled.</p> + +<p>"Mr. Davison has a poor opinion of ladies' intelligence, I'm afraid. He +thinks they are children, who will believe any fairy tale."</p> + +<p>Davison had drawn near to Mildred as the Master spoke; his eyes met hers +and the impassive face wore a faint, ironical smile.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[136]</a></span></p> + +<p>"The Wisdom of the West speaks!" he exclaimed, in a low voice. "I'd +almost forgotten the sound of it."</p> + +<p>Then scrutinizing her pale face: "I'm afraid you've had a scare. What +did you see?"</p> + +<p>"I saw—well, I fancy I saw the Gallery at Hammerton House and my +ancestress, Lady Hammerton. It was burned, you know, and she was burned +with it, trying to save her collections. I expect she condescended to +give me a glimpse of them because I've inherited her mania. I'd be a +collector, too, if I had the money."</p> + +<p>She laughed nervously.</p> + +<p>"You should take Ian to the East," returned Davison. "You could make +money there and learn things—the Wisdom of the East, for instance."</p> + +<p>Mildred, recovering her equanimity, smiled at him.</p> + +<p>"No, never! The Wisdom of the West engrosses us; but you'll come and +tell us about the other, won't you?"</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[137]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XV</h2> + + +<p>Maxwell Davison settled in Oxford for six months, in order to see his +great book on Persian Literature through the press. His advent had been +looked forward to as promising a welcome variety, bringing a splash of +vivid color into a somewhat quiet-hued, monotonous world. But there was +doomed to be some disappointment. Mr. Davison went rather freely to +College dinners but seldom into general society. It came to be +understood that he disliked meeting women; Mrs. Stewart, however, he +appeared to except from his condemnation or rule. Ian was his cousin, +which made a pretext at first for going to the Stewarts' house; but he +went because he found the couple interesting in their respective ways. +Some Dons, unable to believe that a man without a University education +could teach them anything, would lecture him out of their little +pocketful of knowledge about Oriental life and literature. Ian, on the +contrary, was an admirable producer of all that was interesting in +others; and in Davison that all was much. At first he had tried to keep +Mrs. Stewart in what he conceived to be her proper place; but as time +went on he found himself dropping in at the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[138]</a></span> old house with surprising +frequency, and often when he knew Ian to be in College or too busy to +attend to him.</p> + +<p>He had brought horses with him and offered to give Mildred a mount +whenever she liked. Milly had learned the rudiments of the art, but she +was too timid to care for riding. Mildred, on the other hand, delighted +in the swift motion through the air, the sensation of the strong +bounding life almost incorporated with her own, and if she had moments +of terror she had more of ecstatic daring. She and Davison ended by +riding together once or twice a week.</p> + +<p>Interesting as Mildred found Maxwell Davison's companionship, it did not +altogether conduce to her happiness. She who had been so content to be +merely alive, began now to chafe at the narrow limits of her existence. +He opened the wide horizons of the world before her, and her soul seemed +native to them. One April afternoon they rode to Wytham together. The +woods of Wytham clothe a long ridge of hill around which the young +Thames sweeps in a strong curve and through them a grass ride runs +unbroken for a mile and a half. Now side by side, now passing and +repassing each other, they had "kept the great pace" along the track, +the horses slackening their speed somewhat as they went down the dip, +only to spring forward with fresh impetus, lifting their hind-quarters +gallantly to the rise; then given their heads for the last burst along +the straight bit to the drop of the hill, away they went in passionate<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[139]</a></span> +competition, foam-flecked and sending the clods flying from their +hurrying hoofs.</p> + +<p>A mile and a half of galloping only serves to whet the appetite of a +well-girt horse, and the foaming rivals hardly allowed themselves to be +pulled up at the edge of a steep grassy slope, where already here and +there a yellow cowslip bud was beginning to break its pale silken +sheath. At length their impatient dancing was over, and they stood +quiet, resigned to the will of the incomprehensible beings who +controlled them. But Mildred's blood was dancing still and she abandoned +herself to the pleasure of it, undistracted by speech. Beyond the +shining Thames, wide-curving through its broad green meadows, and the +gray bridge and tower of Eynsham, that great landscape, undulating, +clothed in the mystery of moving cloud-shadows, gave her an agreeable +impression of being a view into a strange country, hundreds of miles +away from Oxford and the beaten track. But Maxwell's eyes were fixed +upon her.</p> + +<p>The wood about them was just breaking into the various beauty of spring +foliage, emerald and gold and red; a few trees still holding up naked +gray branches among it; here and there a white cloud of cherry blossom, +shining in a clearing or floating mistily amid bursting tree-tops below +them. They turned to the right, down a narrow ride, mossy and winding, +where perforce they trod on flowers as they went; for the path and the +wood about it were carpeted with blue dog-violets and the pale soft +blossoms of primroses, opening in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[140]</a></span> clusters amid their thick fresh +foliage and the brown of last year's fallen leaves. The sky above wore +the intense blue in which dark clouds are seen floating, and as the +gleams of travelling sunshine passed over the wooded hill, its colors +also glowed with a peculiar intensity. The horses, no longer excited by +a vista of turf, were walking side by side. But the beauty of earth and +sky were nothing to Maxwell, whose whole being was intent on the beauty +of the woman in the saddle beside him; the rose and the gold of cheek +and hair, the lithe grace of the body, lightly moving to the motion of +her horse.</p> + +<p>She turned to him with a sudden bright smile.</p> + +<p>"How perfectly delightful riding is! I owe all the pleasure of it to +you."</p> + +<p>"Do you?" he asked, smiling too, but slightly and gravely, narrowing on +her his inscrutable eyes. "Well, then, will you do what I want?"</p> + +<p>"I thought you were a fatalist and never wanted anything. But if you +condescend to want me to do something, your slave obeys. You see I'm +learning the proper way for a woman to talk."</p> + +<p>"I want you to remove the preposterous black pot with which you've +covered up your hair. I'll carry it for you."</p> + +<p>"Oh, Max! What would people think if they met me riding without my hat? +Fancy Miss Cayley! What she'd say! And the Warden of Canterbury! What +he'd feel!"</p> + +<p>She laughed delightedly.</p> + +<p>"They never ride this way. It's the 'primrose<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[141]</a></span> path,' you see, and +they're afraid of the 'everlasting bonfire.' I'm not; you're not. You're +not afraid of anything."</p> + +<p>"I am. I'm afraid of old maids and—most butlers."</p> + +<p>Maxwell laughed, but his laugh was a harsh one.</p> + +<p>"Humbug! If you really wanted to do anything you'd do it. I know you +better than you know yourself. If you won't take your hat off it's +because you don't really want to do what I want; and when you say pretty +things to me about your gratitude for the pleasure I'm giving you, +you're only telling the same old lies women tell all the world over."</p> + +<p>"There! Catch my reins!" cried Mildred, leaning over and holding them +out to him. "How do you suppose I can take my hat off if you don't?"</p> + +<p>He obeyed and drew up to her, stooping near, a hand on the mane of her +horse. The horses nosed together and fidgeted, while she balanced +herself in the saddle with lifted arms, busy with hat-pins. The task +accomplished, she handed the hat to him and they cantered on. Presently +she turned towards him, brightening.</p> + +<p>"You were quite right about the hat, Max. It's ever so much nicer +without it; one feels freer, and what I love about riding is the free +feeling. It's as though one had got out of a cage; as though one could +jump over all the barriers of life; as though there were nobody and +nothing to hinder one from galloping right out into the sky if one +chose. But I can't explain what I mean."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[142]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Of course you don't mean the sky," he answered. "What you really mean +is the desert. There's space, there's color, glorious, infinite, with an +air purer than earthly. Such a life, Mildred! The utter freedom of it! +None of this weary, dreary slavery you call civilization. That would be +the life for you."</p> + +<p>It was true that Mildred's was an essentially nomadic and adventurous +soul. Whether the desert was precisely the most suitable sphere for her +wanderings was open to doubt, but for the moment as typifying freedom, +travel, and motion—all that really was as the breath of life to her—it +fascinated her imagination. Maxwell, closely watching that +sunshine-gilded head, saw her eyes widen, her whole expression at once +excited and meditative, as though she beheld a vision. But in a moment +she had turned to him with a challenging smile.</p> + +<p>"I thought slavery was the only proper thing for women."</p> + +<p>"So it is—for ordinary women. It makes them happier and less +mischievous. But I don't fall into the mistake—which causes such a deal +of unnecessary misery and waste in the world—the mistake of supposing +that you can ever make a rule which it's good for every one to obey. +You've got to make your rule for the average person. Therefore it's +bound not to fit the man or woman who is not average, and it's folly to +wish them to distort themselves to fit it."</p> + +<p>"And I'm not average? I needn't be a slave? Oh, thank you, Max! I am so +glad."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[143]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Confound it, Mildred, I'm not joking. You are a born queen and you +oughtn't to be a slave; but you are one, all the same. You're a slave to +the 'daily round, the common task,' which were never meant for such as +you; you're a slave to the conventional idiocy of your neighbors. You +daren't even take your hat off till I make you; and now you see how nice +it is to ride with your hat off."</p> + +<p>They had been slowly descending the steep, stony road which leads to +Wytham Village, but as he spoke they were turning off into a large field +to the right, across which a turfy track led gradually up to the woods +from which they had come. The track lay smooth before them, and the +horses began to sidle and dance directly their hoofs touched it. Mildred +did not answer his remarks, except by a reference to the hat.</p> + +<p>"Don't lose it, that's all!" she shouted, looking back and laughing, as +she shot up the track ahead of him. He fancied she was trying to show +him that she could run away from him if she chose; and with a quiet +smile on his lips and a firm hand on his tugging horse, he kept behind +her until she was a good way up the field. Then he gave his horse its +head and it sprang forward. She heard the eager thud of the heavy hoofs +drawing up behind, and in a few seconds he was level with her. For a +minute they galloped neck and neck, though at a little distance from +each other. Then she saw him ahead, riding with a seat looser than most +Englishmen's, yet with an assurance, a grace of its own, the +hind-quarters of his big horse lifting pow<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[144]</a></span>erfully under him, as it sped +with great bounds over the flying turf. Her own mare saw it, too, and +vented her annoyance in a series of kicks, which, it must be confessed, +seriously disturbed Mildred's equilibrium. Then settling to business, +she sprang after her companion. Maxwell heard her following him up the +long grass slope towards the gate which opens into the main ride by +which they had started. He fancied he had the improvised race well in +hand, but suddenly the hoofs behind him hurried their beat; Mildred flew +past him at top speed and flung her mare back on its haunches at the +gate.</p> + +<p>"I've won! Hurrah! I've won!" she shouted, breathlessly, and waved her +whip at him.</p> + +<p>Maxwell was swearing beneath his breath, in a spasm of anger and +anxiety.</p> + +<p>"Don't play the fool!" he cried, savagely, as he drew rein close to her. +"You might have thrown the mare down or mixed her in with the gate, +pulling her up short like that. It's a wonder you didn't come off +yourself, for though you're a devil to go, you know as well as I do +you're a poor horse-woman."</p> + +<p>He was violently angry, partly at Mildred's ignorant rashness, partly +because, after all, she had beaten him. She, taking her hat from his +hand and fastening it on again, uttered apologies, but from the lips +only; for she had never seen a man furious before, and she was keenly +interested in the spectacle. Maxwell's eyes were not inscrutable now; +they glittered with manifest rage. His harsh voice was still harsher, +his hard jaw clinched, the muscles of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[145]</a></span> his lean face, which was as pale +as its brownness allowed it to be, stood out like cords, and the hand +that grasped her reins shook. Mildred felt somewhat as she imagined a +lion-tamer might feel; just the least bit alarmed, but mistress of the +brute, on the whole, and enjoying the contact with anything so natural +and fierce and primitive. The feeling had not had time to pall on her, +when going through the gate, they were joined by two other members of +the little clan of Wytham riders, and all rode back to Oxford together, +through flying scuds of rain.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[146]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XVI</h2> + + +<p>There is a proverbial rule against playing with fire, but it is one +which, as Davison would have said, was evidently made by average people, +who would in fact rather play with something else. There are others to +whom fire is the only really amusing plaything; and though the +by-stander may hold his breath, nine times out of ten they will come out +of the game as unscathed as the professional fire-eater. This was not +precisely true of Mildred, who had still a wide taste in playthings; but +in the absence of anything new and exciting in her environment, she +found an immense fascination in playing with the fiery elements in +Maxwell Davison's nature, in amusing her imagination with visions of a +free wandering life, led under a burning Oriental sky, which he +constantly suggested to her. Yet dangerously alluring as these visions +might appear, appealing to all the hidden nomad heart of her, her good +sense was never really silenced. It told her that freedom from the +shackles of civilization might become wearisome in time, besides +involving heavier, more intolerable forms of bondage; although she did +not perceive that Maxwell Davison's dislike to her being a slave was +only a dislike to her being somebody else's<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[147]</a></span> slave. He was a despot at +heart and had accustomed himself to a frank despotism over women. +Mildred's power over him, the uncertainty of his power over her, +maddened him. But Mildred did not know what love meant. At one time she +had fancied her affection for Ian might be love; now she wondered +whether her strange interest in the society of a man for whom she had no +affection, could be that. She did not feel towards Ian as an ordinary +wife might have done, yet his feelings and interests weighed much with +her. Milly, too, she must necessarily consider, but she did that in a +different, an almost vengeful spirit.</p> + +<p>One evening Ian, looking up from his work, asked her what she was +smiling at so quietly to herself. And she could not tell him, because it +was at a horrible practical joke suggested to her by an impish spirit +within. What if she should prepare a little surprise for the returning +Milly? Let her find herself planted in Araby the Blest with Maxwell +Davison? Mildred chuckled, wondering to herself which would be in the +biggest rage, Milly or Max; for however Tims might affirm the contrary, +Mildred had a fixed impression that Milly could be in a rage.</p> + +<p>The fire-game was hastening to its close; but before Mildred could prove +herself a real mistress of the dangerous element, the sleep fell upon +her.</p> + +<p>Except a sensation of fatigue, for which it was easy to find a reason, +there was no warning of the coming change. But Ian had dreams in the +night and opened his eyes in the morning with a feeling<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[148]</a></span> of uneasiness +and depression. Mildred could never sleep late without causing him +anxiety, and on this morning his first glance at her filled him with a +dread certainty. She was sleeping what was to her in a measure the sleep +of death. He had a violent impulse to awaken her forcibly; but he feared +it would be dangerous. With his arm around her and his head close to +hers on the pillow, he whispered her name over and over again. The +calmness of her face gradually gave way to an expression of struggle +approaching convulsion, and he dared not continue. He could only await +the inevitable in a misery which from its very nature could find no +expression and no comforter.</p> + +<p>Milly, unlike Mildred, did not return to the world in a rapture of +satisfaction with it. The realization of the terrible robbery of life of +which she had again been the victim, was in itself enough to account for +a certain sadness even in her love for Ian and for her child. The +hygiene of the nursery had been neglected according to her ideas, yet +Baby was bonny enough to delight any mother's heart, however heavy it +might be. Ian, she said, wanted feeding up and taking care of; and he +submitted to the process with a gentle, melancholy smile. Just one +request he made; that she would not spoil her pretty hair by screwing it +up in her usual unbecoming manner. She understood, studying a certain +photograph in a drawer—what drawer was safe from Milly's tidyings?—and +dressed her hair as like it as she knew how, with a secret bitterness of +heart.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[149]</a></span></p> + +<p>Mildred had found a diary, methodically kept by Milly, of great use to +her, and although incapable herself of keeping one regularly, she had +continued it in a desultory manner, noting down whatever she thought +might be useful for Milly's guidance. For whatever the feelings of the +two personalities towards each other, there was a terrible closeness of +union between them. Their indivisibility in the eyes of the world made +their external interests inevitably one. New friends and acquaintances +Mildred had noted down, with useful remarks upon them. She was not +confidential on the subject of Maxwell Davison, but she gave the bare +necessary information.</p> + +<p>It was now late in the Summer Term and her bedroom chimney-piece was +richly decorated with invitation cards. Among others there was an +invitation to a garden-party at Lady Margaret Hall. Milly put on a fresh +flowered muslin dress, apparently unworn, that she found hanging in one +of the deep wall-cupboards of the old house, and a coarse burnt-straw +hat, trimmed with roses and black ribbon, which became her marvellously +well. All the scruples of an apostle of hygienic dress, all the +uneasiness of an economist at the prospect of unpaid bills, disappeared +before the pleasure of a young woman face to face with an extremely +pretty reflection in a pier-glass. That glass, an oval in a light +mahogany frame, of the Regency period, if not earlier, was one of +Mildred's finds in the slums of St. Ebbes.</p> + +<p>She walked across the Parks, where the Cricket<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[150]</a></span> Match of the season was +drawing a crowd, meaning to come out by a gate below Lady Margaret Hall, +the gardens and buildings of which did not then extend to the Cherwell. +In their place were a few tennis-grounds and a path leading to a +boat-house, shared by a score or more of persons. While she was still +coming across the grass of the Parks, a man in flannels, very white in +the sun, came towards her from the gate for which she was making. He +must have recognized her from a long way off. He was a striking-looking +man of middle age, walking with a free yet indolent stride that carried +him along much faster than it appeared to do.</p> + +<p>Milly had no idea who the stranger was, but he greeted her with: "Here +you are at last, Mildred! Do you know how much behind time you are?"—he +took out his watch—"Exactly thirty-five minutes. I should have given +you up if I hadn't known that breaking your promise is not among your +numerous vices, and unpunctuality is."</p> + +<p>Who on earth was he? And why did he call her by her Christian name? +Milly went a beautiful pink with embarrassment.</p> + +<p>"I'm so sorry. I thought the party would have just begun," she replied.</p> + +<p>"You don't mean to say you want to keep me kicking my heels while you go +to a confounded party? I thought you knew I was off to Paris to-night, +after that Firdusi manuscript, and I think of taking the Continental +Express to Constantinople next week. I don't know when I shall be back. +Surely, Mildred, it's not a great deal to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[151]</a></span> ask you to spare half an hour +from a wretched party to come on the river with me before I go?" It +struck Maxwell as he ended that he was falling into the whining of the +Occidental lover. He was determined that he would clear the situation +this afternoon; the more determined because he was conscious of a +feeling odiously resembling fear which had before now held him back from +plain dealing with Mildred. Afraid of a woman? It was too ridiculous.</p> + +<p>Milly, meanwhile, felt herself on firmer ground. This must be Ian's +cousin, Maxwell Davison, the Orientalist. But there was nothing nomadic +in her heart to thrill to the idea of being on the Cherwell this +afternoon, in London this evening, in Paris next morning, in +Constantinople next week.</p> + +<p>"Of course I'll come on the river with you," she said. "I'm sorry I'm +late. I'm afraid I—I'd forgotten."</p> + +<p>Forgotten! How simply she said it! Yet it was surely the veriest +impudence of coquetry. He looked at her slowly from the hat downward, as +he lounged leisurely at her side.</p> + +<p>"War-paint, I see!" he remarked. "Armed from head to heel with all the +true and tried female weapons. They're just the same all the world +over—'plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose,'—though no doubt you +fancy they're different. Who's the frock put on for, Mildred? For the +party, or—for me?"</p> + +<p>Milly was conscious of such an extreme absence of intention so far as +Maxwell was concerned, that<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[152]</a></span> it would have been rude to express it. She +went very pink again, and lifting forget-me-not blue eyes to his +inscrutable ones, articulated slowly:</p> + +<p>"I'm sure I don't know."</p> + +<p>Her eyes were like a child's and a shy smile curved her pink lips +adorably as she spoke. Such mere simplicity would not in itself have +cast a spell over Maxwell, but it came to him as a new, surprising phase +of the eternal feminine in her; and it had the additional charm that it +caused that subjugated feeling resembling fear, with which Mildred could +inspire him, to disappear entirely. He was once more in the proper +dominant attitude of Man. He felt the courage now to make her do what he +believed she wished to do in her heart; the courage, too, to punish her +for the humiliation she had inflicted upon him. Six months ago he would +have had nothing but a hearty contempt for the man who could beat thirty +yards of gravel-path for half an hour, watch in hand, in a misery of +impatience, waiting on the good pleasure of a capricious woman.</p> + +<p>Meantime he laughed good-humoredly at Milly's answer and began to talk +of neutral matters. If her tongue did not move as nimbly as usual, he +flattered himself it was because she knew that the hour of her surrender +was at hand.</p> + +<p>Milly knew the boat-house well, the pleasant dimness of it on hot summer +days; how the varnished boats lay side by side all down its length, and +how the light canoes rested against the walls as it were on shelves. +How, when the big doors<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[153]</a></span> were opened on to the raft and the slowly +moving river without, bright circles of sunlight, reflected from the +running water, would fly in and dance on wall and roof. She stood there +in the dimness, while Maxwell lifted down a large canoe and, opening one +of the barred doors, took it out to the water. Mildred would have felt a +half-conscious æsthetic pleasure in watching his movements, +superficially indolent but instinct with strength. Milly had not the +same æsthetic sensibilities, and she was still disagreeably embarrassed +at finding herself on such a familiar footing with a man whom she had +never seen before. Then, although she followed Aunt Beatrice's golden +rule of never allowing a question of feminine dress to interfere with +masculine plans, she could not but feel anxious as to the fate of her +fresh muslin and ribbons packed into a canoe. Maxwell, however, had +learned canoeing years ago on the Canadian lakes, and did not splash. +His lean, muscular brown arms and supple wrists took the canoe rapidly +through the water, with little apparent effort.</p> + +<p>It was the prime of June and the winding willow-shaded Cherwell was in +its beauty. White water-lilies were only just beginning to open silver +buds, floating serenely on their broad green and red pads; but prodigal +masses of wild roses, delicately rich in scent and various in color, +overhung the river in brave arching bowers or starred bushes and +hedgerows so closely that the green briers were hardly visible. Beds of +the large blue water forget-me-not floated beside the banks, and above<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[154]</a></span> +them creamy meadow-sweet lifted its tall plumes among the reeds and +grasses. Small water-rats swam busily from bank to bank or played on the +roots of the willows, and bright wings of birds and insects fluttered +and skimmed over the shining stream.</p> + +<p>The Cherwell, though not then the crowded waterway it has since become, +was usually popular with boaters on such an afternoon. But there must +have been strong counter-attractions elsewhere, for Milly and Davison +passed only one, a party of children working very independent oars, on +their way to the little gray house above the ferry, where an old +Frenchman dispensed tea in arbors.</p> + +<p>There was a kind of hypnotic charm in the gliding motion of the canoe +and the water running by. Milly was further dazed by Maxwell's talk. It +was full of mysterious references and couched in the masterful tone of a +person who had rights over her—a tone which before he had been more +willing than able to adopt; but now the bit was between his teeth. +Perhaps absorbed in his own intent, he hardly noticed how little she +answered; but he did notice every point of her beauty as she leaned back +on the cushions in the light shade of her parasol, from the soft +brightness of her hair to the glimpse of delicate white skin which +showed through the open-work stocking on her slender foot.</p> + +<p>When they were in the straight watery avenue between green willow walls, +which leads up to the ferry, he slackened the pace.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[155]</a></span></p> + +<p>"And what are you going to do next week?" he asked, as one of a series +of ironical questions.</p> + +<p>"A great deal; much more than I care to do. I'm going up to town to see +the new Savoy opera, and I'm going to a dance, and to several +garden-parties, and to dine with the Master of Durham."</p> + +<p>"Quite enough for some people; but not for you, Mildred. Think of +it—year after year, always the same old run. October Term, Lent Term, +Summer Term! A little change in Vacations, say a month abroad, when you +can afford it. You aren't meant for it, you know you're not, any more +than a swallow's meant for the little hopping, pecketing life of a +London sparrow."</p> + +<p>"Indeed, I don't see the likeness either way. I'm quite happy as I am."</p> + +<p>He smiled mockingly.</p> + +<p>"Quite happy! As it's very proper you should be, of course. Come, +Mildred, no humbug! Think how you'd feel if you knew that instead of +going to all those idiotic parties next week you were going to +Constantinople."</p> + +<p>"Isn't it dreadfully hot at this time of year?"</p> + +<p>"I like it hot. But at any rate one can always find some cool place in +the hottest weather. How would you like to go in a caravan from Cairo to +Damascus next autumn?"</p> + +<p>"I dare say it would be delightful, if the country one passed through +were not too wild and dangerous. But Ian would never be able to leave +his work for an expedition like that."</p> + +<p>Maxwell smiled grimly.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[156]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I'd no idea you'd want him. I shouldn't. Do be serious. If you fancy +I'm the sort of man you can go on playing with forever, you're most +confoundedly mistaken."</p> + +<p>Milly was both offended and alarmed. Was this strange man mad? And she +alone with him on the river!</p> + +<p>"I don't know what you mean," she said, coldly.</p> + +<p>"Don't you?" he returned, and he still wore his ironic smile—"Well, I +know what you mean all the time. You say I only know Oriental women, +but, by Allah, there's not a pin to choose between the lot of you, +except that there's less humbug about them, and over here you're a set +of trained, accomplished hypocrites!"</p> + +<p>Indignation overcame fear in Milly's bosom.</p> + +<p>"We are nothing of the kind," she said. "How can you talk such +nonsense?"</p> + +<p>"Nonsense? I suppose being a woman you can't really be logical, although +you generally pretend to be so. Why have you pranked yourself out, spent +an hour I dare say in making yourself pretty to-day? For what possible +reason except to attract the eyes of a crowd of men, young fools or +doddering old ones—"</p> + +<p>Milly uttered an expression of vehement denial, but he continued:</p> + +<p>"Or else to whet my appetite for forbidden fruit. But there's no 'or' +about it, is there? Most likely you had both of those desirable objects +in view."</p> + +<p>Milly was not a coward when her indignation was<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[157]</a></span> aroused. She took hold +of the sides of the canoe and began raising herself.</p> + +<p>"I don't know whether you mean to be insulting," she said; "but I don't +wish to hear any more of this sort of thing. I'd rather you put me out, +please."</p> + +<p>"Sit down," he said, with authority—the canoe was rocking +violently—"unless you're anxious to be drowned. I warn you I'm a very +poor swimmer, and if we upset there's not a ghost of a chance of my +being able to save you."</p> + +<p>Milly was a poor swimmer, too, and felt by no means competent to save +herself; neither was she anxious to be drowned. So she sat down again.</p> + +<p>"Put me out at the ferry, please," she repeated, haughtily.</p> + +<p>They were reaching the end of the willow avenue, just where the wire +rope crosses the river. On the right was a small wooden landing-stage, +and high above it the green, steep river-bank, with the gray house and +the arbors on the top. The old Frenchman stood before the house in his +shirt-sleeves, watching sadly for his accustomed prey, which for some +inexplicable reason did not come. He took off his cap expectantly to +Maxwell Davison, whom he knew; but the canoe glided swiftly under the +rope and on.</p> + +<p>"No, I sha'n't put you out, Mildred," Maxwell answered with decision, +after a pause. "I'm sorry if I've offended you. I've forgotten my +manners, no doubt, and must seem a bit of a brute to you. I didn't bring +you here just to quarrel, or to play a practical joke upon you, and send +you on<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[158]</a></span> a field-walk in that smart frock and shoes—" he smiled at her, +and this time she was obliged to feel a certain fascination in his +smile—"nor yet to go on with the game you've been playing with me all +these months. You forget; I've been used to Nature for so many years +that I find it hard to realize how natural the most artificial +conditions of life appear to you. I'll try to remember; but you must +remember, too, that the most civilized beings on earth have got to come +right up against the hard facts of Nature sometimes. They've got to be +stripped of their top layer and see it stripped off other people, and to +recognize the fact that every one has got a core of Primitive Man or of +Primitive Woman in them; a perfectly unalterable, indestructible core. +And the people who refuse to recognize that aren't elevated and refined, +but simply stupid and obstinate and no good."</p> + +<p>Milly, if she would have no compromise with principles, was always quick +to accept an apology. She did not follow the line of Maxwell's argument, +but she remembered it was noted in a certain deplorably irregular Diary, +that he had lived for many years in the East and was quite Orientalized +in many of his ways and ideas. With gentle dignity she signified that in +her opinion civilized European manners and views were to be commended in +opposition to barbarous and Oriental ones. Maxwell, his face bent +towards the turning paddle, hardly heard what she was saying. He was +paddling fast and considering many things.</p> + +<p>They came to where the river ran under a narrow<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[159]</a></span> grass field, rising in +a steep bank and shut off from the world by a tall hedge and a row of +elms, that threw long shadows down the grass and were reflected in the +water. A path led through it, but it was little frequented. On the other +side was a wide, green meadow, where the long grass was ripening under +rose-blossoming hedges, and far beyond was the blueness of distant hills +and woods. Maxwell ran the bow of the canoe into a thick bed of +forget-me-nots, growing not far from the bank. He laid the dripping +paddle aside, and, resting his elbows on his knees, held his head in his +hands for a minute or more. When he turned his face towards her it was +charged with passion, but most of all with a grave masterfulness. He had +been sitting on a low seat, but now he kneeled so as to come nearer to +her, and, stretching out his long arms, laid a hand, brown, +long-fingered, smooth, on her two slight, gray-gloved ones.</p> + +<p>"Mildred," he said, and his voice seemed to have lost its harshness, +"I've brought you here to make you decide what you are going to do with +me and with yourself. I want you—you know I want you, but I don't come +begging for you as an alms. I say, just compare the life, the free, +glorious life I can give you, and the wretched, petty round of existence +here. Come with me, won't you? Don't be afraid I shall treat you like a +slave; I follow Nature, and Nature made you a queen. Come with me +to-night, come to Paris, to Constantinople, to all the East! Never mind +about love yet, we won't talk about that, for I don't<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[160]</a></span> really flatter +myself you love me; I'm only sure you don't love Ian—"</p> + +<p>Milly had listened to him so far, drawing herself back to the farthest +end of the canoe, half petrified with amazement, half dominated by his +powerful personality. At these words her pallor gave way to a scarlet +flush.</p> + +<p>"How dare you!" she cried, in a voice tremulous with indignation. "How +dare you talk to me like this? How dare you name my husband? You brought +me out here on purpose to say such things to me? Oh, it's abominable, +it's disgraceful!"</p> + +<p>There was no room for doubt as to the sincerity of her indignation. +Maxwell drew back and his face changed. There were patches of dull red +on his cheeks, almost as though he had been struck, and his narrow eyes +glittered. Looking at him, Milly felt physical fear; she thought once +more of insanity. There was a silence; then she spoke again.</p> + +<p>"Put me on to the bank here, please. I'll walk back."</p> + +<p>"I shall let you go when I choose," returned he, in a grating voice. "I +have something to say to you first."</p> + +<p>He paused and his frown darkened upon her. "You asked me how I 'dared.' +Dare! Do you take me for a dog, to be chained up and tantalized with +nice bits, and hardly allowed to whine for them? I say, how dare you +entice me with your beauty—it's decked out now for me—entice me<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[161]</a></span> with +all your beguiling ways, your pretence of longing to go away and to live +the free life in the East as I live it? Now, when you've made me want +you—what else have you been aiming at? You pretend to be surprised, you +pretend even to yourself, to be dreadfully shocked. What damned humbug! +With us only the dancing-girls venture to play such tricks as you do, +and they daren't go too far, because the men are men and wear knives. +But here you proper women, with your weakness unnaturally protected, you +go about pretending you don't know there's such a thing in the world as +desire—oh, of course not!—and all the while you're deliberately +exciting it and playing upon it."</p> + +<p>Mildred had been right in saying that the gentle Milly could be in a +rage; though it was a thing that had happened to her only once or twice +before since her childhood. It happened now. Anger, burning anger, +extinguished the fear that had held her silent while he was speaking.</p> + +<p>"It's false!" she cried, with burning face and blazing eyes. "It's +disgraceful of you to say such things—it's degrading for me to have to +hear them. I will get away from you, if I have to jump into the river."</p> + +<p>She started forward, but Maxwell, with his tall, lithe body and long +arms, had a great reach. He leaned forward and his iron hands were upon +her shoulders, forcing her back.</p> + +<p>"Don't be a fool," he said, still fierce in eye and voice.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[162]</a></span></p> + +<p>Her lips trembled with fury so that she could hardly speak.</p> + +<p>"Do you consider yourself a gentleman?"</p> + +<p>He laughed scornfully.</p> + +<p>"I don't consider the question at all. I am a man; you are a woman, and +you have presumed to make a plaything of me. You thought you could do it +with impunity because we are civilized, because you are a lady; for +bar-maids and servant-girls do get their throats cut sometimes still. +Don't be frightened, I'm not going to kill you, but I mean to make you +understand for once that these privileges of weakness are humbug, that +they're not in nature. I mean to teach you that a man is a better +animal—"</p> + +<p>He suddenly withdrew his hands from her with a sharp exclamation. +Milly's teeth were pearly white and rather small, but they were pointed, +and they had met in the flesh of the right hand which rested so firmly +on her shoulder. He fell back and put his hand to his mouth. A boat-hook +lay within her reach, and her end of the canoe had drifted near enough +to the river-bank for her to be able to catch hold with the hook and to +pull it farther in. Braced to the uttermost by rage and fear, she +bounded to her feet without upsetting the canoe. It lurched violently, +but righted itself, swinging out once more into the stream. Maxwell +looked up and saw her standing on the river-bank above him. She did not +stay to parley, but with lifted skirt hurried up the steep meadow, +through the sun-flecked shadows of the elm-trees, towards the path. When +she was half-<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[163]</a></span>way up a harsh, sardonic laugh sounded behind her, and +instinctively she looked back. Maxwell held up his wounded hand:</p> + +<p>"Primitive woman at last, Mildred!" he shouted. "Don't apologize, I +sha'n't."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[164]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XVII</h2> + + +<p>Ian only came home just in time to scramble into his evening dress-suit +for a dinner at the Fletchers'. He needed not to fear delay either from +that shirt-button at the back, refractory or on the last thread, or from +any other and more insidious trap for the hurrying male. Milly looked +after him in a way which, if the makers of traditions concerning wives +were not up to their necks in falsehood, must have inspired devotion in +the heart of any husband alive. She had already observed that he had +been allowed to lose most of the pocket-handkerchiefs she had marked for +him in linen thread. That trifles such as this should cause bitterness +will seem as absurd to sensible persons as it would to be told that our +lives are made up of mere to-morrows—if Shakespeare had not happened to +put that in his own memorable way. For it takes a vast deal of +imagination to embrace the ordinary facts of life and human nature. But +even the most sensible will understand that it was annoying for Milly +regularly to find her own and the family purse reduced to a state that +demanded rigid economy. The Invader, stirring in that limbo where she +lay, might have answered that rigid economy was Milly's forte and real +delight, and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[165]</a></span> that it was well she should have nothing to spend in +ridiculously disguising the fair body they were condemned to share. +Mildred certainly left behind her social advantages which both Ian and +Milly enjoyed without exactly realizing their source, while her +bric-à-brac purchases, from an eighteenth-century print to a Chinese +ivory, were always sure to be rising investments. But all such minor +miseries as her invasion might multiply for Milly, were forgotten in the +horror of the abyss that had now opened under her feet. For long after +that second return of hers, on the night of the thunderstorm, a shadow, +a dreadful haunting thought, had hovered in the back of her mind. +Gradually it had faded with the fading of a memory; but to-night the +colors of that memory revived, the thought startled into a more vivid +existence.</p> + +<p>In the press and hurry of life, not less in Oxford than in other modern +towns, the Stewarts and Fletchers did not meet so often and intimately +as to make inevitable the discovery of Mildred Stewart's dual +personality by her cousins. They said she had developed moods; but with +the conservatism of relations, saw nothing in her that they had not seen +in her nursery days.</p> + +<p>Ian and Milly walked home from dinner, according to Oxford custom, but a +Durham man walked with them, talking over a College question with Ian, +and they did not find themselves alone until they were within the +wainscoted walls of the old house. Milly had looked so pale all the +evening that Ian expected<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[166]</a></span> her to go to bed at once; but she followed +him into the study, where the lamp was shedding its circle of light on +the heaped books and papers of his writing-table. Making some +perfunctory remarks which she barely answered, he sat down to work at an +address which he was to deliver at the meeting of a learned society in +London.</p> + +<p>Milly threw off her white shawl and seated herself on the old, +high-backed sofa. Her dress was of some gauzy material of indeterminate +tone, interwoven with gold tinsel, and a scarf of gauze embroidered with +gold disguised what had seemed to her an over-liberal display of +dazzling shoulders. Ian, absorbed in his work, hardly noticed his wife +sitting in the penumbra, chin on hand, staring before her into +nothingness, like some Cassandra of the hearth, who listens to the +inevitable approaching footsteps of a tragic destiny. At last she said:</p> + +<p>"I've got something awful to tell you."</p> + +<p>Ian startled, dropped his pen and swung himself around in his pivot +chair.</p> + +<p>"What about? Tony?"—for it was to this diminutive that Mildred had +reduced the flowing syllables of Antonio.</p> + +<p>"No, your cousin, Maxwell Davison."</p> + +<p>Now, Ian liked his cousin well enough, but by no means as well as he +liked Tony.</p> + +<p>"About Max!" he exclaimed, relieved. "What's happened to him?"</p> + +<p>"Nothing—but oh, Ian! I—hate even to speak of such a thing—"</p> + +<p>"Never mind. Just tell me what it is."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[167]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I was on the river with him this afternoon, and he—he made love to +me."</p> + +<p>The lines of Ian's face suddenly hardened.</p> + +<p>"Did he?" he returned, significantly, playing with a paper-knife. Then, +after a pause: "I'm awfully sorry, Milly. I'd no idea he was such a +cad."</p> + +<p>"He—he wanted me to run away with him."</p> + +<p>Ian's face became of an almost inhuman severity.</p> + +<p>"I shall let Maxwell Davison know my opinion of him," he said.</p> + +<p>"But it's worse—it's even more horrible than that. He was expecting me. +I—<i>I</i> of course knew nothing about it; I only knew about the +garden-party at Lady Margaret. But he said I'd promised to come; he said +all kinds of shocking, horrid things about my having dressed myself up +for him—"</p> + +<p>"Please don't tell me what he said, Milly," Ian interrupted, still +coldly, but with a slight expression of disgust. "I'd rather you didn't. +I suppose I ought to have taken better care of you, my poor little girl, +but really here in Oxford one never thinks of anything so outrageous +happening."</p> + +<p>"I must tell you one thing," she resumed, almost obstinately. "He said +he knew I didn't love you—that <i>I</i> didn't love <i>you</i>, my own darling +husband. Some one, some one—must be responsible for his thinking that. +How do I know what happens when—when I'm away. My poor Ian! Left with a +creature who doesn't love you!"</p> + +<p>Ian rose. His face was cold and hard still, but<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[168]</a></span> there was a faint flush +on his cheek, the mark of a frown between his black brows. He walked to +a window and looked out into the moonlit garden, where the gnarled +apple-trees threw weird black shadows on grass and wall, like shapes of +grotesque animals, or half-hidden spectres, lurking, listening, waiting.</p> + +<p>"We're getting on to a dangerous subject," he answered, at length. +"Don't give me pain by imagining evil about—about yourself. You could +never, under any aspect, be anything but innocent and loyal and all that +a man could wish his wife to be."</p> + +<p>He smoothed his brow with an effort, went up to her, and taking her soft +face between his hands kissed her forehead.</p> + +<p>"There!" he exclaimed, with a forced smile. "Don't let's talk about it +any more, darling. Go to bed and forget all about it. It won't seem so +bad to-morrow morning."</p> + +<p>But Milly did not respond. When he released her head she threw it back +against her own clasped hands, closing her eyes. She was ghastly pale.</p> + +<p>"No," she moaned, "I can't bear it by myself. It's too, too awful. It's +not Me; it's something that takes my place. I saw it once. It's an evil +spirit. O God, what have I done that such a thing should happen to me! +I've always tried to be good."</p> + +<p>There was a clash of pity and anger in Ian's breast. Pity for Milly's +case, anger on account of her whom his inmost being recognized as +another,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[169]</a></span> whatever his rational self might say to the matter. He sat +down beside his wife and uttered soothing nothings. But she turned upon +him eyes of wild despair, the more tragic because it broke through a +nature fitted only for the quietest commonplaces of life. She flung +herself upon him, clutching him tight, hiding her face upon him.</p> + +<p>"What have I done?" she moaned again. "You know I always believed in +God, in God's love. I wouldn't have disbelieved even if He'd taken you +away from me. But now I can't believe in anything. There must be wicked +spirits, but there can't be a good God if He allows them to take +possession of a poor girl like me, who's never done any one any harm. O +Ian, I've tried to pray, and I can't. I don't believe in anything now."</p> + +<p>Ian was deeply perplexed. He himself believed neither in a God nor in +evil spirits, and he knew not how to approach Milly's mind. At length he +said, quietly:</p> + +<p>"I should have expected you, dear, to have reasoned about this a little +more. What's the use of being educated if we give way to superstition, +like savages, directly something happens that we don't quite understand? +Some day an eclipse of conscious personality, like yours, will come to +be understood as well as an eclipse of the moon. Don't let's make it +worse by conjuring up superstitious terrors."</p> + +<p>"At first I thought it was like that—an eclipse of memory. But now I +feel more and more it's a different person that's here, it's not I. +To-night<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[170]</a></span> Cousin David said that sometimes when he met me he expected to +find when he got home that his Lady Hammerton had walked away out of the +frame. And, Ian, I looked up at that portrait, and suddenly I was +reminded of—that fearful night when I came back and saw—something. I +am descended from that woman, and you know how wicked she was."</p> + +<p>Again the strange irritation stirred in the midst of Ian's pity.</p> + +<p>"Wicked, darling! That's an absurd word to use."</p> + +<p>"She left her husband. And it's awful that I, who can't understand how +any woman could be so wicked as to do that, should be so terribly like +her. I feel as though it had something to do with this appalling thing +happening to me. Perhaps her sins are being visited on me." She held the +lapels of his coat and looked tenderly, yearningly, in his face. "And I +could bear it better if—But oh, my Ian! I can't bear to think of you +left with something wicked, with some one who doesn't love you, who +deceives you, and—"</p> + +<p>"Milly," he broke in, "I won't have you say things like that. They are +absolutely untrue, and I won't have them said."</p> + +<p>There was a note of sternness in his voice that Milly had never heard +before, and she saw a hard look come into his averted face which was new +to her. When she spoke it was in a gasp.</p> + +<p>"You love her? You love that wicked, bad woman so much you won't let me +tell you what she is?"<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[171]</a></span></p> + +<p>He drew himself away from her with a gesture, and in a minute answered +with cold deliberation:</p> + +<p>"I cannot cease to love my own wife because—because she's not always +exactly the same."</p> + +<p>They sat silent beside each other. At length Milly rose from the sofa. +The tinselled scarf, that other woman's delicate finery, had slipped +from the white beauty of her shoulders. She drew it around her again +slowly, and slowly with bowed head left the room.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[172]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XVIII</h2> + + +<p>Between noon and one o'clock on a bright June morning there is no place +in the world quite so full of sunshine and summer as the quadrangle of +an Oxford College. Not Age but Youth of centuries smiles from gray walls +and aery pinnacles upon the joyous children of To-day. Youth, in a +bright-haired, black-winged-butterfly swarm, streams out of every dark +doorway, from the austere shade of study, to disport itself, two by two, +or in larger eddying groups, upon the worn gravel, even venturously +flits across the sacred green of the turf. There is an effervescence of +life in the clear air, and the sun-steeped walls of stone are resonant +with the cheerful noise of young voices. Here and there men already in +flannels pass towards the gate; Dons draped in the black folds of the +stately gown, stand chatting with their books under their arms; and +since the season of festivity has begun, scouts hurry cautiously to and +fro from buttery and kitchen, bearing brimming silver cups crowned with +blue borage and floating straws, or trays of decorated viands. The +scouts are grave and careworn, but from every one else a kind of +physical joy and contentment seems to breathe as perfume breathes<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[173]</a></span> from +blossoms and even leaves, in the good season of the year.</p> + +<p>Ian Stewart did not quite resist this atmosphere of physical +contentment. He stood in the sunshine exchanging a few words with +passing pupils; yet at the back of his mind there was a deep distress. +He had been brought up in the moral refinement, the honorable strictness +of principle with regard to moral law, common to his academic class, +and, besides, he had an innate delicacy and sensibility of feeling. If +his intelligence perceived that there are qualities, individualities +which claim exemption from ordinary rules, he had no desire to claim any +such exemption for himself. Yet he found himself occupying the position +of a man torn on the rack between a jealous wife for whom he has +affection and esteem, and a mistress who compels his love. Only here was +not alone a struggle but a mystery, and the knot admitted of no +severance.</p> + +<p>He looked around upon his pupils, upon the distant figures of his fellow +Dons, robed in the same garb, seemingly living the same life as himself. +Where was fact, where was reality? In yonder phantasmagoric procession +of Oxford life, forever repeating itself, or in this strange +tragi-comedy of souls, one in two and two in one, passing behind the +thick walls of that old house in the street nearby? There he stood among +the rest, part and parcel apparently of an existence as ordinary, as +peaceful, as monotonous as the Victorian era could produce. Yet if he +were to tell any one within sight the plain truth concerning his life, +it would be re<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[174]</a></span>garded as a fairy tale, the fantastic invention of an +overwrought brain.</p> + +<p>There is something in college life which fosters a reticence that is +almost secretiveness; and this becomes a code, a religion; yet Stewart +found himself seized with an intense longing to confide in someone. And +at that moment, from under the wide archway leading into the quadrangle, +appeared the Master of Durham. The Master was in cap and gown, and +carried some large papers under his arm; he walked slowly, as he had +taken to walking of late, his odd, trotting gait transformed almost to a +hobble. Meditative, he looked straight before him with unseeing eyes. No +artist was ever able to seize the inner and the outer verity of that +round, pink baby face, filled with the power of a weighty personality +and a penetrating mind. Stewart marked him in that minute, sagacity and +benevolence, as it were, silently radiating from him; and the younger +man in his need turned to the wise Master, the paternal friend whose +counsels had done so much to set his young feet in the way of success.</p> + +<p>When Stewart found himself in the Master's study, the study so familiar +to his youth, with its windows looking out on the garden quadrangle, and +saw the great little man himself seated before him at the writing-table, +he marvelled at the temerity that had brought him there to speak on such +a theme. But the cup was poured and had to be drunk. The Master left him +to begin. He sat with a plump hand on each plump knee, and regarded his +old pupil with silent benevolence.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[175]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I've come to see you, Master," said Stewart, "because I feel very +bewildered, very helpless, in a matter which touches my wife even more +than myself. You were so kind about my marriage, and you have always +been good to her as well as to me."</p> + +<p>"Miss Flaxman was a nice young lady," squeaked the Master. "I knew you +married wisely."</p> + +<p>"Something happened shortly before we were engaged which she—we didn't +quite grasp—its importance, I mean," Stewart began. He then spoke of +those periodical lapses of memory in his wife which he had come to see +involved real and extraordinary variations in her character—a change, +in fact, of personality. He mentioned their futile visits to +Norton-Smith, the brain and nerve specialist. The Master heard him +without either moving or interrupting. When he had done there was a +silence. At length the Master said:</p> + +<p>"I suspect we don't understand women."</p> + +<p>"Perhaps not. But, Master, haven't you yourself noticed a great +difference in my wife at various times?"</p> + +<p>"Not more than I feel in myself—not of another character, that is. We +live among men; we live among men who, generally speaking, know nothing +about women. That's why women appear to us strange and unnatural. Your +wife's quite normal, really."</p> + +<p>"But the memory alone, surely—"</p> + +<p>"That's made you nervous; but I've known cases not far different. You +remember meeting<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[176]</a></span> Sir Henry Milwood here? When I knew him he was a young +clergyman. He had an illness; forgot all about his clerical life, and +went sheep-farming in Australia, where he made his fortune."</p> + +<p>"But his personality?" asked Stewart, with anxiety. "Was that changed?"</p> + +<p>"Certainly. A colonial sheep-farmer is a different person from a young +Don just in orders."</p> + +<p>"I don't mean that, Master. I mean did he rise from his bed with ideas, +with feelings quite opposite to those which had possessed him when he +lay down upon it? Did he ever have a return of the clerical phase, +during which he forgot how he became a sheep-farmer and wished to take +up his old work again?"</p> + +<p>"No—no."</p> + +<p>There was a pause. The Master played with his gold spectacles and sucked +his under lip. Then:</p> + +<p>"Take a good holiday, Stewart," he said.</p> + +<p>Stewart's clear-cut face hardened and flushed momentarily. "These are +not fancies of my own, Master. Cases occur in which two, sometimes more +than two, entirely different personalities alternate in the same +individual. The spontaneous cases are rare, of course, but hypnotism +seems to develop them pretty freely. The facts are there, but English +scientists prefer to say nothing about them."</p> + +<p>The Master rose and trotted restlessly about.</p> + +<p>"They're quite right," he returned, at length. "Such ideas can lead to +nothing but mischief."</p> + +<p>"Surely that is the orthodox theologian's usual objection to scientific +fact."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[177]</a></span></p> + +<p>The Master lifted his head and looked at his rebel disciple. For +although he was an officiating clergyman, he and the orthodox +theologians were at daggers drawn.</p> + +<p>"Views, statements of this kind are not knowledge," he said, after a +while, and continued moving uneasily about without looking at Stewart.</p> + +<p>Stewart did not reply; it seemed useless to go on talking. He recognized +that the Master's attitude was what his own had been before the iron of +fact had entered into his flesh and spirit. Yet somehow he had hoped +that his Master's large and keen perception of human things, his +judicial mind, would have lifted him above the prejudices of Reason. He +sat there cheerless, his college cap between his knees; and was seeking +the moment to say good-bye when the Master suddenly sat down beside him. +To any one looking in at the window, the two seated side by side on the +hard sofa would have seemed an oddly assorted pair. Stewart's length of +frame, the raven black of his hair and beard, the marble pallor of his +delicate features, made the little Master look smaller, pinker, plumper +than usual; but his face, radiating wisdom and affection, was more than +beautiful in the eyes of his old disciple.</p> + +<p>"I took a great interest in your marriage, Stewart," he said. "I always +think of you and your wife as two very dear young friends. You must let +me speak to you now as a father might—and probably wouldn't."</p> + +<p>Stewart assented with affectionate reverence.</p> + +<p>"You are young, but your wife is much younger.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[178]</a></span> A man marries a girl +many years younger than himself and has not the same feeling of +responsibility towards her as he would have towards a young man of the +same age. He seldom considers her youth. Yet his responsibility is much +greater towards her than towards a pupil of the same age; she needs more +help, she will accept more in forming her mind and character. Now you +have married a young lady who is very intelligent, very pleasing; but +she has a delicate nervous system, and it has been overstrained. She +lets this peculiar weakness of her memory get on her nerves. You have +nerves yourself, you have imagination, and you let your mind give way to +hers. That's not wise; it's not right. Let her feel that these moods do +not affect you; be sure that they do not. What matters mainly is that +your mutual love should remain unchanged. When your wife finds that her +happiness, her real happiness, is quite untouched by these changes of +mood, she will leave off attributing an exaggerated importance to them. +So will you, Stewart. You will see them in their right proportion; you +will see the great evil and danger of giving way to imagination, of +accepting perverse psychological hypotheses as guides in life. Reason +and Religion are the only true guides."</p> + +<p>The Master did not utter these sayings continuously. There were pauses +which Stewart might have filled, but he did not offer to do so. The +spell of his old teacher's mind and aspect was upon him. His spirit was, +as it were, bowed before his Master in a kind of humility.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[179]</a></span></p> + +<p>He walked home with a lightened heart, feeling somewhat as a devout +sinner might feel to whom his confessor had given absolution. For about +twenty-four hours this mood lasted. Then he confronted the fact that the +beloved Master's advice had been largely, though not altogether, futile, +because it had not dealt with actuality. And Ian Stewart saw himself to +be moving in the plain, ordinary world of men as solitary as a ghost +which vainly endeavors to make its presence and its needs recognized.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[180]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XIX</h2> + + +<p>Tims had ceased to be an inhabitant of Oxford. She was studying +physiology in London and luxuriating in the extraordinary cheapness of +life in Cranham Chambers. Not that she had any special need of +cheapness; but the spinster aunt who brought her up had, together with a +comfortable competence, left her the habit of parsimony. If, however, +she did not know how to enjoy her own income, she allowed many women +poorer than herself to benefit by it.</p> + +<p>She was no correspondent; and an examination, followed by the serious +illness of her next-door neighbor—Mr. Fitzalan, a solitary man with a +small post in the British Museum—had prevented her from visiting Oxford +during Mildred's last invasion. She had imagined Milly Stewart to have +been leading for two undisturbed years the busily tranquil life proper +to her; adoring Ian and the baby, managing her house, and going +sometimes to church and sometimes to committees, without wholly +neglecting the cultivation of the mind. A letter from Milly, in which +she scented trouble, made her call herself sternly to account for her +long neglect of her friend.</p> + +<p>It was now the Long Vacation, but Miss Burt<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[181]</a></span> was still at Ascham and +Lady Thomson was spending a week with her. She had stayed with the +Stewarts in the spring, and resolutely keeping a blind eye turned +towards whatever she ought to have disapproved in Mildred, had lauded +her return to bodily vigor, and also to good sense, in ceasing to fuss +about the health of Ian and the baby. Aunt Beatrice would have blushed +to own a husband and child whose health required care. This time when +she dined with the Stewarts she had found Milly reprehensibly pale and +dispirited. One day shortly afterwards she came in to tea. The nurse +happened to be out, and Tony, now a beautiful child of fifteen months, +was sitting on the drawing-room floor.</p> + +<p>The two women were discussing plans for raising money to build a +gymnasium at Ascham, but Tony was not interested in the subject. He kept +working his way along the floor to his mother, partly on an elbow and a +knee, but mostly on his stomach. Arrived at his goal he would pull her +skirt, indicate as well as he could a little box lying by his neglected +picture-book, and grunt with much expression. A monkey lived inside the +box, and Tony, whose memory was retentive, persevered in expecting to +hear that monkey summoned by wild tattoos and subterranean growls until +it jumped up with a bang—a splendidly terrible thing of white bristles, +and scarlet snout—to dance the fandango to a lively if unmusical tune. +Then Tony, be sure, would laugh until he rolled from side to side. Mummy +never responded to his wishes now, but Daddy had<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[182]</a></span> pleaded for the +Jack-in-the-box to be spared, and sometimes when quite alone with Tony, +would play the monkey-game in his inferior paternal style, pleased with +such modified appreciation as the young critic might bestow upon him.</p> + +<p>"I'm sorry Baby's so troublesome," apologized the distressed Milly, for +the third time lifting Tony up and replacing him in a sitting posture, +with his picture-book. "I'm trying to teach him to sit quiet, but I'm +afraid he's been played with a great deal more than he should have +been."</p> + +<p>"To tell the truth, I thought so the last time I was here," replied Aunt +Beatrice. "But he's still young enough to be properly trained. It's such +waste of a reasonable person's time to spend it making idiotic noises at +a small baby. And it's a thousand times better for the child's brain and +nerves for it to be left entirely to itself."</p> + +<p>Tony said nothing, but his face began to work in a threatening manner.</p> + +<p>"I perfectly agree with you, Aunt Beatrice," responded Milly, eagerly.</p> + +<p>Lady Thomson continued:</p> + +<p>"Children should be spoken to as little as possible until they are from +two to two and a half years old; then they should be taught to speak +correctly."</p> + +<p>Milly chimed in: "Yes, that's always been my own view. I do feel it so +important that their very first impressions should be the right ones, +that the first pictures they see should be good, that they should never +be sung to out of tune and in general—"</p> + +<p>Apparently this programme for babies did not<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[183]</a></span> commend itself to Tony; +certainly the first item, enjoining silent development, did not. His +face had by this time worked the right number of minutes to produce a +roar, and it came. Milly picked him up, but the wounds of his spirit +were not to be immediately healed, and the roar continued. Finally he +had to be handed over to the parlor-maid, and so came to great happiness +in the kitchen, where there were no rules against infantile +conversation. Milly was flushed and disturbed.</p> + +<p>"Baby has not been properly brought up," she said. "He's been allowed +his own way too much."</p> + +<p>"Since you say so, Milly, I must confess I noticed in the spring that +you seemed to be bringing the child up in an easy-going, old-fashioned +way I should hardly have expected of you. I hope you will begin now to +study the theory of education. A mother should take her vocation +seriously. I own I don't altogether understand the taste for frivolities +which you have developed since you married. It's harmless, no doubt, but +it doesn't seem quite natural in a young woman who has taken a First in +Greats."</p> + +<p>Milly's hands grasped the arms of her chair convulsively. She looked at +her aunt with desolation in her dark-ringed eyes. The last thing she had +ever intended was to mention the mysterious and disastrous fate that had +befallen her; yet she did it.</p> + +<p>"The person you saw here last spring wasn't I. Oh, Aunt Beatrice! Can't +you see the difference?"</p> + +<p>Lady Thomson looked at her in surprise:</p> + +<p>"What do you mean? I was speaking of my visit to you in March."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[184]</a></span></p> + +<p>"And don't you see the difference? Oh, how hateful you must have found +me!"</p> + +<p>"Really, Mildred, I saw nothing hateful about you. On the contrary, if +you want the plain truth, I greatly prefer you in a cheerful, +common-sense mood, as you were then, even if your high spirits do lead +you into a little too much frivolity. I think it a more wholesome, and +therefore ultimately a more useful, frame of mind than this causeless +depression, which leads you to take such a morbid, exaggerated view of +things."</p> + +<p>Every word pierced Milly's heart with a double pang.</p> + +<p>"You liked her better than me?" she asked, piteously. "Yet I've always +tried to be just what you wanted me to be, Aunt Beatrice, to do +everything you thought right, and she—Oh, it's too awful!"</p> + +<p>"What do you mean, Mildred?"</p> + +<p>"I mean that the person you prefer to me as I am now, the person who was +here in March, wasn't I at all."</p> + +<p>The fine healthy carnation of Lady Thomson's cheek paled. In her calm, +rapid way she at once found the explanation of Milly's unhealthy, +depressed appearance and manner. Poor Mildred Stewart was insane. Beyond +the paling of her cheek, however, Lady Thomson allowed no sign of shock +to be visible in her.</p> + +<p>"That's an exaggerated way of talking," she replied. "I suppose you mean +your mood was different."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[185]</a></span></p> + +<p>Milly was looking straight in front of her with haggard eyes.</p> + +<p>"No; it simply wasn't I at all. You believe in the Bible, don't you?"</p> + +<p>"Not in verbal inspiration, of course, but in a general way, yes," +returned Lady Thomson, puzzled but guarded.</p> + +<p>"Do you believe in the demoniacs? In possession by evil spirits?"</p> + +<p>Milly was not looking at vacancy now. Her desperate hands clutched the +arms of her chair, as she leaned forward and fixed her aunt with hollow +eyes, awaiting her reply.</p> + +<p>"Certainly not! Most certainly not! They were obviously cases of +epilepsy and insanity, misinterpreted by an ignorant age."</p> + +<p>"No—it's all true, quite literally true. Three times, and for six +months or more each time, I have been possessed by a spirit that cannot +be good. I know it's not. It takes my body, it takes the love of people +I care for, away from me—" Milly's voice broke and she pressed her +handkerchief over her face. "You all think her—But she's bad, and some +day she'll do something wicked—something that will break my heart, and +you'll all insist it was I who did it, and you'll believe I'm a wicked +woman."</p> + +<p>Lady Thomson looked very grave.</p> + +<p>"Mildred, dear," she said, "try and collect yourself. It is really +wicked of you to give way to such terrible fancies. Would God permit +such a thing to happen to one of His children? We feel sure He would +not."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[186]</a></span></p> + +<p>Milly shook her head, but the struggle with her hysterical sobs kept her +silent. Lady Thomson walked to the window, feeling more "upset" than she +had ever felt in her life. The window was open, but an awning shut out +the view of the street. From the window-boxes, filled with pink +geraniums and white stocks, a sweet, warm scent floated into the room, +and the rattle of the milkman's cart, the chink of his cans, fell upon +Lady Thomson's unheeding ears. So did voices in colloquy, but she did +not particularly note a female one of a thin, chirpy quality, addressing +the parlor-maid with a familiarity probably little appreciated by that +elegantly decorous damsel.</p> + +<p>Milly had scarcely mastered her tears and Lady Thomson had just begun to +address her in quiet, firm tones, when Tims burst unannounced into the +room. Her hat was incredibly on one side, and her sallow face almost +crimson with heat, but bright with pleasure at finding herself once more +in Oxford.</p> + +<p>"Hullo, old girl!" she cried, blind to the serious scene into which she +was precipitated. "How are you? Now don't kiss me"—throwing herself +into an attitude of violent defence against an embrace not yet +offered—"I'm too hot. Carried my bag myself all the way from the +station and saved the omnibus."</p> + +<p>Lady Thomson fixed Tims with a look of more than usually cold +disapproval. Milly proffered a constrained greeting.</p> + +<p>"Anything gone wrong?" asked Tims, after a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[187]</a></span> minute, peering at Milly's +tear-stained eyes with her own short-sighted ones.</p> + +<p>Milly answered with a forced self-restraint which appeared like cold +deliberation.</p> + +<p>"Aunt Beatrice thinks I'm mad because I say I'm not the same person she +found in my place last March. I want you to tell her that it's not just +my fancy, but that you know that sometimes a quite different person +takes my place, and I'm not responsible for anything she says or does."</p> + +<p>"Yes, that's a solemn Gospel fact, right enough," affirmed Tims.</p> + +<p>Lady Thomson could hardly control her indignation, but she did, although +she spoke sternly to Tims.</p> + +<p>"Do I understand you to say, Miss Timson, that it's a 'solemn Gospel +fact'—Gospel! Good Heavens—that Milly is possessed by a devil?"</p> + +<p>Tims plumped down on the sofa and stared at Lady Thomson.</p> + +<p>"Possessed by a devil? Good Lord, no! What do you mean?"</p> + +<p>"Mildred believes herself to be possessed by an evil spirit."</p> + +<p>Tims turned to Milly in consternation.</p> + +<p>"Milly, old girl! Come! Poor old Milly! I never thought you were so +superstitious as all that. Besides, I know more about it than you do, +and I tell you straight, you mayn't be quite such a good sort when +you're in your other phase, but as to there being a devil in it—well, +devil's all nonsense, but if that were so, I should like to have a devil +myself, and the more the merrier."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[188]</a></span></p> + +<p>Milly turned on her a face pale with horror and indignation. Her eyes +flashed and she raised a remonstrating hand.</p> + +<p>"Hush!" she cried. "Hush! You don't know what dreadful things you're +saying. I don't know exactly what this spirit is that robs me of my +life; I'm only sure it's not Me and it's not good."</p> + +<p>"Whatever may be the matter with you, Mildred," said Lady Thomson, "it +can't possibly be that. I suppose you have suffered from loss of memory +again and it's upset your nerves. Why will people have nerves? I should +advise you to go to Norton-Smith at once."</p> + +<p>Milly's tears were flowing again but she managed to reply:</p> + +<p>"I've been to Dr. Norton-Smith, Aunt Beatrice. He doesn't seem to +understand."</p> + +<p>"He doesn't want to," interjected Tims, scornfully. "You don't suppose a +respectable English nerve-doctor wants to know anything about +psychology? They'd be interested in the case in France, or in the United +States, but they wouldn't be able to keep down Milly Number Two."</p> + +<p>"Then what use would they be to me?" asked Milly, despairingly. "I can +only trust in God; and He seems to have forsaken me."</p> + +<p>"No, no, my dear child!" cried Lady Thomson. "Don't talk in this painful +way. I can't imagine what you mean, Miss Timson. It all sounds +dreadfully mad."</p> + +<p>"I can explain the whole case to you perfectly," stated Tims, with eager +confidence.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[189]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I'd better go away," gasped Milly between her convulsive sobs. "I can't +bear any more. But Aunt Beatrice must know now. Tell her what you like, +only—only it isn't true."</p> + +<p>Milly fled to her bedroom; the long, low room, so perfect in its +simplicity, its windows looking away into the sunshine over the pleasant +boughs of orchards and garden-plots and the gray shingled roofs of old +houses—the room from which on that November evening Milly's spirit had +been absent while Ian, the lover whom she had never known, had watched +his Beloved, the Desire of his soul and sense, returning to him from the +unimagined limbo to which she had again withdrawn.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[190]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XX</h2> + + +<p>When Ian came back from the Bodleian Library, where he was working, he +heard voices talking in raised tones before he entered the drawing-room. +He found no Milly there, but Lady Thomson and Miss Timson seated at the +extreme ends of the same sofa and engaged in a heated discussion.</p> + +<p>"It can't be true," Lady Thomson was stating firmly. "If it were, what +becomes of Personal Immortality?"</p> + +<p>Miss Timson had just time to convey the fact that Personal Immortality +was not the affair of a woman of science, before she rose to greet Ian, +which she did effusively.</p> + +<p>"Hullo!" he remarked, cheerfully, when her effusion was over. "No Milly +and no tea!"</p> + +<p>"We don't want either just yet," returned Lady Thomson. "I'm terribly +anxious about Mildred, Ian, and Miss Timson has not said anything to +make me less so. I want a sound, sensible opinion on the state of +her—her nerves."</p> + +<p>Ian's brow clouded.</p> + +<p>"Tell me frankly, do you notice so great a difference in her from time +to time, as to account for the positively insane delusion she has got +into her head?"<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[191]</a></span></p> + +<p>"What do you mean, Aunt Beatrice?" asked Ian, shortly, sternly eying +Tims, whom he imagined to have let out the secret.</p> + +<p>"Mildred has made an extraordinary statement to me about not being the +same person now as she was in March. Of course I see she—well, she is +not so full of life as she was then. Yes, I do admit she is in a very +different mood. But do you know the poor unfortunate child has got it +into her head that she is possessed by an evil spirit? I can't think how +you could have allowed her to come to that state of—of mental +aberration, without doing anything."</p> + +<p>Ian was silent. He looked gaunt and sombrely dark in the low, +awning-shaded room, with its heavy beams and floor of wavelike +unevenness.</p> + +<p>"You'll have to put her under care next, if you don't take some steps. +Send her for a sea-voyage."</p> + +<p>"I'd take her myself if I thought it would do her any good," said Tims. +"But I'll lay my bottom dollar it wouldn't."</p> + +<p>"I'm afraid I think Miss Timson's view of the matter as insane as +Milly's," returned Lady Thomson, tartly.</p> + +<p>Ian lifted his bowed head and addressed Tims:</p> + +<p>"I should like to know exactly what your view of the matter is, Miss +Timson. We need not discuss poor Milly's; it's too absurd and also too +painful."</p> + +<p>"It's no doubt a case of disintegration of personality," replied Tims, +after a pause. "Somewhere inside our brains must be a nerve-centre<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[192]</a></span> +which co-ordinates most of our mental, our sensory and motor processes, +in such a manner as to produce consciousness, volition, what we call +personality. But after all there are always plenty of activities within +us going on independent of it. Your heart beats, your stomach +digests—even your memory works apart from your consciousness sometimes. +Now suppose some shock or strain enfeebles your centre of consciousness, +so that it ceases to be able to co-ordinate all the mental processes it +has been accustomed to superintend. What you call your personality is +the outcome of your memory and all your other faculties and tendencies +working together, checking and balancing each other. Suppose your centre +of consciousness so enfeebled; suppose at the same time an enfeeblement +of memory, causing you to completely forget external facts: certain of +your faculties and tendencies are left working and they are co-ordinated +without an important part of the memory, without many other faculties +and tendencies which checked and balanced them. Naturally you appear to +yourself and to every one else a totally different person; but it's not +a new personality really, it's only a bit of the old one which goes on +its own hook, while the rest is quiescent."</p> + +<p>"This is the most abominably materialistic theory of the human mind I +ever heard," exclaimed Lady Thomson, indignantly. "The most degrading to +our spiritual natures."</p> + +<p>Ian leaned against the high, carved mantel-piece and pushed back the +black hair from his forehead.</p> + +<p>"I'm not concerned with that," he replied, de<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[193]</a></span>liberately, discussing +this case so vitally near to him with an almost terrible calmness. "But +I can't feel that this disintegration theory altogether covers the +ground. There is no development of characteristics previously to be +found in Milly; on the contrary, the qualities of mind and character +which she exhibits when—when the change comes over her, are precisely +the opposite of those she exhibits in what I presume we ought to call +her normal state."</p> + +<p>"There must be some reason for it, old chap, you know," returned Tims; +"and it seems to me that's the line you've got to move along, unless +you're an idiot and go in for devils or spiritualistic nonsense."</p> + +<p>"I believe I've followed what you've been saying, Miss Timson," said +Lady Thomson, in her fullest tones; "and I can assure you I feel under +no necessity to become either a materialist or an idiot in consequence."</p> + +<p>Ian spoke again.</p> + +<p>"I don't profess to be scientific, but I do seem to see another possible +line, running parallel with yours, but not quite the same. It's evident +we can inherit faculties, characteristics, from our ancestors which +never become active in us; but we know they must have been present in us +in a quiescent state, because we can transmit them to children in whom +they become active. Mildred's father and mother, for example, are not +scholars, although her grandfather and great-grandfather were; yet in +one of her parents at least there must be a germ of the scholar's +faculty which has never been developed,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[194]</a></span> because Mildred has inherited +it. Now why can't we develop all the faculties, the germs of which lie +within our borders? Perhaps because we have each only a certain amount +of what I'll call vital current. If the Nile could overflow the whole +desert it would all be fertilized, and perhaps if we had sufficient +vital force we could develop all the faculties whose germs we inherit. +Suppose by some accident, owing to a shock or strain, as you say, the +flow of this vital current of ours is stopped in the direction in which +it usually flows most strongly; its course is diverted and it fertilizes +tracts of our brain and nervous system which before have been lying +quiescent, sterile. If we lose the memory of our former lives, and if at +the same time hereditary faculties and tendencies, of the existence of +which we were unaware, suddenly become active in us, we are practically +new personalities. Then say the vital current resumes its old course; we +regain our memories, our old faculties, while the newly developed ones +sink again into quiescence. We are once more our old selves. No doubt +this is all very unscientific, but so far Science seems to have nothing +to say on the question."</p> + +<p>"It certainly has not," commented Lady Thomson, decisively. "I ought to +know what Science is, considering how often I've met Mr. Darwin and +Professor Huxley. Hypnotism and this kind of unpleasant talk is not +Science. It's only a new variety of the hocus-pocus that's been imposing +on human weakness ever since the world began. I'd sooner believe with +poor Milly that she's possessed<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[195]</a></span> by a devil. It's less silly to accept +inherited superstitions than to invent brand-new ones."</p> + +<p>"But we've got to account somehow for the extraordinary changes which +take place in Milly," sighed Ian, wearily.</p> + +<p>The light lines across his forehead were showing as furrows, and Tims's +whole face was corrugated.</p> + +<p>"No hocus-pocus about them, anyway," she said.</p> + +<p>"There's a great deal of fancy about them," retorted Lady Thomson. "A +nervous, imaginative man like you, Ian, ought to be on your guard +against allowing such notions to get hold of you. It's so easy to fancy +things are as you're afraid they may be, and then you influence Milly +and she goes from bad to worse. I think I may claim to understand her if +any one does, and all I see is that she gives way to moods. At first I +thought it was a steady development of character; but I admit that when +she is unwell and out of spirits, she becomes just her old timid, +over-conscientious self again. She's always been very easily influenced, +very dependent, and now—I hardly like to say such a thing of my own +niece—but I fear there's a touch of hysteria about her. I've always +heard that hysterical people, even when they've been perfectly frank and +truthful before, become deceitful and act parts till it's impossible to +tell fact from falsehood with regard to them. I would suggest your +letting Mildred come to me for a month or two, Ian. I feel sure I should +send her back to you quite cured of all this nonsense."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[196]</a></span></p> + +<p>At this point Milly came in. Ian stretched out his hand towards her with +protective tenderness; but even at the moment when his whole soul was +moved by an impulse of compassion so strong that it seemed almost love, +a spirit within him arose and mocked at all hypotheses, telling him that +this poor stricken wife of his, seemingly one with the lady of his +heart, was not she, but another.</p> + +<p>"Aunt Beatrice was just saying you ought to get away from domestic cares +for a month or two, Milly," he said, as cheerfully as he could.</p> + +<p>Lady Thomson explained.</p> + +<p>"What you want is a complete change; though I don't know what people +mean when they talk about 'domestic cares.' I should like to have you up +at Clewes for the rest of the Long. Ian can look after the baby."</p> + +<p>Milly smiled at her sweetly, but rather as though she were talking +nonsense.</p> + +<p>"It's very kind of you, Aunt Beatrice, but Ian and I have never been +parted for a day since we were married; I mean not when—and I don't +feel as though I could spare a minute of his company. And poor Baby, +too! Oh no! But of course it's very good of you to think of it."</p> + +<p>"Then you must all come to Clewes," decided Aunt Beatrice, after some +remonstrance. "That'll settle it."</p> + +<p>"But my work!" ejaculated Ian in dismay. "How am I to get on at Clewes, +away from the libraries?"</p> + +<p>"There are some things in life more important than books, Ian," returned +Lady Thomson.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[197]</a></span></p> + +<p>"But it won't do a penn'orth of good," broke in Tims, argumentatively. +"I don't pretend to have more than a working hypothesis, but whoever +else may prove to be right, Lady Thomson's on the wrong line."</p> + +<p>Lady Thomson surveyed her in silence; Ian took no notice of her remark. +He was looking before him with a sadness incomprehensible to the +uncreative man—to the man who has never dreamed dreams and seen +visions; with the sadness of one who just as the cloudy emanations of +his mind are beginning to take form and substance sees them scattered, +perhaps never again to reunite, by some cold breath from the relentless +outside world of circumstance. He made his renunciation in silence; +then, with a quiet smile, he turned to Lady Thomson and answered her.</p> + +<p>"You're very kind, Aunt Beatrice, and quite right. There are things in +life much more important than books."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[198]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXI</h2> + + +<p>So the summer went by; a hot summer, passed brightly enough to all +appearance in the spacious rooms and gardens of Clewes and in +expeditions among the neighboring fells. But to Ian it seemed rather an +anxious pause in life. His work was at a stand-still, yet whatever the +optimistic Aunt Beatrice might affirm, he could not feel that the shadow +was lifting from his wife's mind. To others she appeared cheerful in the +quiet, serious way that had always been hers, but he saw that her whole +attitude towards life, especially in her wistful, yearning tenderness +towards himself and Tony, was that of a woman who feels the stamp of +death to be set upon her. At night, lying upon his breast, she would +sometimes cling to him in an agony of desperate love, adjuring him to +tell her the truth as to that Other: whether he did not see that she was +different from his own Milly, whether it were possible that he could +love that mysterious being as he loved her, his true, loving wife. Ian, +who had been wont to hold stern doctrines as to the paramount obligation +of truthfulness, perjured himself again and again, and hoped the +Recording Angel dropped the customary tear. But, however deep the +perjury, before long he was sure to find himself obliged to renew it.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[199]</a></span></p> + +<p>To a man of his sensitive and punctilious nature the situation was +almost intolerable. The pity of this tender, innocent life, his care, +which seemed like some little inland bird, torn by the tempest from its +native fields and tossed out to be the plaything of an immense and +terrible ocean whose deeps no man has sounded! The pity of that other +life, so winged for shining flight, so armed for triumphant battle, yet +held down helpless in those cold ocean depths, and for pity's sake not +to be helped by so much as a thought! Yet from the thorns of his hidden +life he plucked one flower of comfort which to him, the philosopher, the +man of Abstract Thought, was as refreshing as a pious reflection would +be to a man of Religion. He had once been somewhat shaken by the dicta +of the modern philosophers who relegate human love to the plane of an +illness or an appetite. But where was the physical difference between +the woman he so passionately loved and the one for whom he had never +felt more than affection and pity? If from the strange adventure of his +marriage he had lost some certainties concerning the human soul, he had +gained the certainty that Love at least appertains to it.</p> + +<p>One hot afternoon Milly was writing her Australian letter under a +spreading ilex-tree on the lawn. Lady Thomson and Ian were sitting there +also; he reading the latest French novel, she making notes for a speech +she had to deliver shortly at the opening of a Girls' High School.</p> + +<p>It is sometimes difficult to find the right news for<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[200]</a></span> people who have +been for some years out of England, and Milly, in the languor of her +melancholy, had relaxed the excellent habit formed under Aunt Beatrice +of always keeping her mind to the subject in hand. She sat at the table +with one hand propping her chin, gazing dreamily at the bright +flower-beds on the lawn and the big, square, homely house, brightened by +its striped awnings. At length Aunt Beatrice looked up from her notes.</p> + +<p>"Mooning, Milly!" she exclaimed, in her full, agreeable voice. "Now I +suppose you'll be telling your father you havn't time to write him a +long letter."</p> + +<p>"Milly's not mooning; she's making notes, like you," Ian replied, for +his wife.</p> + +<p>Milly looked around at him in surprise, and then at her right hand. It +held a stylograph and had been resting on some scattered sheets of +foolscap that Ian had left there in the morning. She had certainly been +scrawling on it a little, but she was not aware of having written +anything. Yet the scrawl, partly on one sheet and partly on another, was +writing, very bad and broken, but still with a resemblance to her own +handwriting. She pored over it; then looked Ian in the eyes, her own +eyes large with a bewilderment touched with fear.</p> + +<p>"I—I don't know what it means," she said, in a low, anxious tone.</p> + +<p>"What's that?" queried Aunt Beatrice. "Can't read what you've written? +You remind me of our old writing-master at school, who used to say +tragically that he couldn't understand how it was that<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[201]</a></span> when that +happened to a man he didn't just take a gun and shoot himself. I +recommend you the pond, Mildred. It's more feminine."</p> + +<p>"Please don't talk to Milly like that," retorted Ian, not quite lightly. +"She always follows your advice, you know. It—it's only scrabbles."</p> + +<p>He had left his chair and was leaning over the table, completely +puzzled, first by Milly's terrified expression, then by what she had +written, illegibly enough, across the two sheets of foolscap. He made +out: "You are only miserab ..."—the words were interspersed with really +illegible scrawls—"... Go ... go ... Let me ... I want to live, I want +to ... Mild ..."</p> + +<p>Milly now wrote in her usual clear hand: "Who wrote that?"</p> + +<p>He scribbled with his pencil: "You."</p> + +<p>She replied in writing: "No. I know nothing about it."</p> + +<p>Lady Thomson had taken up the newspaper, a thing she never did except at +odd minutes, although she contrived to read everything in it that was +really worth reading. Folding it up and looking at her watch, she +exclaimed:</p> + +<p>"A quarter of an hour before the carriage is round! Now don't go +dawdling there, young people, and keep it standing in the sun."</p> + +<p>Milly stood up and gathered her writing-materials together. Aunt +Beatrice's tall figure, its stalwart handsomeness disguised in uncouth +garments, passed with its usual vigorous gait across the burning +sunlight on the lawn and broad gravel walk, to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[202]</a></span> disappear under the +awning of a French window. Milly, very pale, had closed her eyes and her +hands were clasped. She trembled, but her voice and expression were calm +and even resolute.</p> + +<p>"The evil spirit is trying to get possession of me in another way now," +she said. "But with God's help I shall be able to resist it."</p> + +<p>Ian too was pale and disturbed. It was to him as though he had suddenly +heard a beloved voice calling faintly for help.</p> + +<p>"It's only automatic writing, dear," he replied. "You may not have been +aware you were writing, but it probably reflects something in your +thoughts."</p> + +<p>"It does not," returned she, firmly. "However miserable I may sometimes +be, I could never wish to give up a moment of my life with you, my own +husband, or to leave you and our child to the influence of this—this +being."</p> + +<p>She stretched out her arms to him.</p> + +<p>"Please hold me, Ian, and will as I do, that I may resist this horrible +invasion. I have a feeling that you can help me."</p> + +<p>He hesitated. "I, darling? But I don't believe—"</p> + +<p>She approached him, and took hold of him urgently, looking him in the +eyes.</p> + +<p>"Won't you do it, husband dear? Please, for my sake, even if you don't +believe, promise you'll will to keep me here. Will it, with all your +might!"</p> + +<p>What madness it was, this fantastic scene upon the well-kept lawn, under +the square windows of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[203]</a></span> the sober, opulent North Country house! And the +maddest part of it all was the horrible reluctance he felt to comply +with his wife's wish. He seemed to himself to pause noticeably before +answering her with a meaningless half-laugh:</p> + +<p>"Of course I'll promise anything you like, dear."</p> + +<p>He put his arms around her and rested his face upon her golden head.</p> + +<p>"Will!" she whispered, and the voice was one of command rather than of +appeal. "Will! You have promised."</p> + +<p>He willed as she commanded him.</p> + +<p>The triple madness of it! He did not believe—and yet it seemed to him +that the being he loved best in all the world was struggling up from +below, calling to him for help from her tomb; and he was helping her +enemy to hold down the sepulchral stone above her. He put his hand to +his brow, and the sweat stood upon it.</p> + +<p>Aunt Beatrice's masculine foot crunched the gravel. She stood there +dressed and ready for the drive, beckoning them with her parasol. They +came across the lawn holding each other by the hand, and Milly's face +was calm, even happy. Aunt Beatrice smiled at them broadly with her +large, handsome mouth and bright brown eyes.</p> + +<p>"What, not had enough of spooning yet, you foolish young people! The +carriage will be round in one minute, and Milly won't be ready."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[204]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXII</h2> + + +<p>There is a joy in the return of every season, though the return of +spring is felt and celebrated beyond the rest. The gay flame dancing on +the hearth where lately all was blackness, the sense of immunity from +the "wrongs and arrows" of the skies and their confederate earth, the +concentration of the sense upon the intimate charms which four walls can +contain, bring to civilized man consolation for the loss of summer's +lavish warmth and beauty. Children are always sensible of these opening +festivals of the seasons, but many mature people enjoy without realizing +them.</p> + +<p>To Mildred the world was again new, and she looked upon its most +familiar objects with the delighted eyes of a traveller returning to a +favorite foreign country. So she did not complain because when she had +left the earth it had been hurrying towards the height of June, and she +had returned to find the golden boughs of October already stripped by +devastating winds. The flames leaped merrily under the great carved +mantel-piece in her white-panelled drawing-room, showing the date 1661, +and the initials of the man who had put it there, and on its narrow +shelf a row of Chelsea figures which she had picked up in various +corners<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[205]</a></span> of Oxford. The chintz curtains were drawn around the bay-window +and a bright brass <i>scaldino</i> stood in it, filled with the yellows and +red-browns, the silvery pinks and mauves of chrysanthemums. The ancient +charm, the delicate harmony of the room, in which every piece of +furniture, every picture, every ornament, had been chosen with an +exactness of taste seldom found in the young, made it more pleasurable +to a cultivated eye than the gilded show drawing-rooms into which wealth +too commonly crowds a medley of incongruous treasures and costly +nullities.</p> + +<p>It was a free evening for Ian, and as it was but the second since the +Desire of his Eyes had returned to him, his gaze followed her movements +in a contented silence, as she wandered about the room in her slight +grace, the whiteness of her skin showing through the transparency of a +black dress, which, although it was old, Milly would have thought +unsuitable for a domestic evening. When everything was just where it +should be, she returned to the fire and sank into a chair thoughtfully.</p> + +<p>"How I should like some rides," she said; "but I suppose I can't have +them, not unless Maxwell Davison's still in Oxford."</p> + +<p>Ian's face clouded.</p> + +<p>"He's not," he returned, shortly; and knocked the ashes out of his pipe, +hesitating as to how he should put what he had to say about Maxwell +Davison.</p> + +<p>Mildred put her hand over her eyes and leaned back in her chair. +Suddenly the silence was broken<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[206]</a></span> by a burst of rippling laughter. Ian +started; his own thoughts had not been so diverting.</p> + +<p>"What's the joke, Mildred?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, Ian, don't you know? Max made love to Milly and she—she bit him! +Wasn't it frightfully funny?" She laughed again, with a more inward +enjoyment.</p> + +<p>"I didn't know you bit him, although he richly deserved it; but of +course I knew he made love to you. How do you know?"</p> + +<p>"It came to me just now in a sort of flash. I seemed to see him—to see +her, floundering out of the canoe; and both of them in such a towering +rage. It really was too funny."</p> + +<p>Ian's face hardened.</p> + +<p>"I am afraid I can't see the joke of a man making love to my wife."</p> + +<p>"You old stupid! He'd never have dared to behave like that to me; but +Milly's such an ass."</p> + +<p>"Milly was frightened, shocked, as any decent woman would be to whom +such a thing happened. She certainly didn't encourage Maxwell; but she +found an appointment already made for her to go on the river with him. +No doubt she took an exaggerated view of her—of your—good God, +Mildred, what am I to say?—well, of your relations with him."</p> + +<p>Mildred had closed her eyes. A strange knowledge of things that had +passed during her suppression was coming to her in glimpses.</p> + +<p>"I know," she returned, in a kind of wonder at her own knowledge. +"Absurd! But Max did<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[207]</a></span> behave abominably. I couldn't have believed it of +him, even with that silly little baa-lamb. Of course she couldn't manage +him. She won't be able to manage Tony long."</p> + +<p>"Please don't speak of—of your other self in that way, Mildred. You're +very innocent of the world in both your selves, and you must have been +indiscreet or it would never have occurred to Maxwell to make love to +you."</p> + +<p>Ian was actually frowning, his lips were tight and hard, the clear +pallor of his cheek faintly streaked with red. Mildred, leaning forward, +looked at him, interested, her round chin on her hands.</p> + +<p>"Are you angry, Ian? I really believe you are. Is it with me?"</p> + +<p>"No, not with you. But of course I'm angry when I think of a fellow like +that, my own cousin, a man who has been a guest in my house over and +over again, being cad enough to make love to my wife."</p> + +<p>Mildred was smiling quietly to herself.</p> + +<p>"How primitive you are, Ian!" she said. "I suppose men are primitive +when they're angry. I don't mind, but it does seem funny <i>you</i> should +be."</p> + +<p>He looked at her, surprised.</p> + +<p>"Primitive? What do you mean?"</p> + +<p>"What difference does it make, Max being your cousin, you silly old boy? +You'd hardly ever seen him till last winter. Clans aren't any use to us +now, are they? And when a man's got a house of his own, as Max had, or +even a hotel, why should<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[208]</a></span> he be so grateful as all that for a few decent +meals? He's not in the desert, depending on you for food and protection. +Anyhow, it seems curious to expect him to weigh little things like that +in the balance against what is always said to be such a very strong +feeling as a man's love for a woman."</p> + +<p>Men often deplore that they have failed in their attempts fundamentally +to civilize Woman. They would use stronger language if Woman often made +attempts fundamentally to civilize them.</p> + +<p>"Please don't look at me like that," Mildred said, tremulously, after a +pause. And the tears rushed to her eyes.</p> + +<p>Ian's face softened, as leaning against the tall white mantel-piece he +looked down and met the tear-bright gaze of his beloved.</p> + +<p>"Poor sweetheart!" he exclaimed. "You're just a child for all your +cleverness, and you don't half understand what you're talking about. But +listen to me—" He kneeled before her, bringing their heads almost on a +level. "I won't have any more affairs like this of Maxwell's. I dare say +it was as much my fault as yours, but it mustn't happen again."</p> + +<p>She dabbed away two tears that hung on her eyelashes, and looked at him +with such a bright alluring yet elusive smile as might have flitted +across the face of Ariel.</p> + +<p>"How can I help it if Milly flirts? I don't believe I can help it if I +do myself. But I can tell you this, Ian—yes, really—" Her soft white +arms<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[209]</a></span> went about his neck. "I've never seen a man yet who was a patch +upon you for cleverness and handsomeness and goodness and +altogetherness. No! You really are the very nicest man I ever saw!"</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[210]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXIII</h2> + + +<p>In spite of the deepening dislike between the two egos which struggled +for the possession of Mildred Stewart's bodily personality, they had a +common interest in disguising the fact of their dual existence. Yet the +transformation never occurred without producing its little harvest of +inconveniences, and the difficulty of disguising the difference between +the two was the greater because of the number of old acquaintances and +friends of Milly Flaxman living in Oxford.</p> + +<p>This was one reason why, when Ian was offered the headship of the +Merchants' Guild College in London, Mildred encouraged him to take it. +The income, too, seemed large in comparison to their Oxford one; and the +great capital, with its ever-roaring surge of life, drew her with a +natural magnetism. The old Foundation was being reconstructed, and was +ambitious of adorning itself with a name so distinguished as Ian +Stewart's, while at the same time obtaining the services of a man with +so many of his best years still before him. Stewart, although he could +do fairly well in practical administration, if he gave his mind to it, +had won distinction as a student and man of letters, and feared that, +difficult as it was to combine the real<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[211]</a></span> work of his life with +bread-and-butter-making in Oxford, it would be still more difficult to +combine it with steering the ship of the Merchants' Guild College. But +he had the sensitive man's defect of too often deferring to the judgment +of others, less informed or less judicious than himself. He found it +impossible to believe that the opinion of the Master of Durham was not +better than his own; and his old friend and tutor was strongly in favor +of his accepting the headship. His most really happy and successful +years had been those later ones in which he had shone as the Head of the +most brilliant College in Oxford, a man of affairs and, in his +individual way, a social centre. Accordingly he found it impossible to +believe that it might be otherwise with Ian Stewart. The majority of +Ian's most trusted advisers were of the same opinion as the Master, +since the number of persons who can understand the conditions necessary +to the productiveness of exceptional and creative minds is always few. +Besides, most people at bottom are in Martha's attitude of scepticism +towards the immaterial service of the world.</p> + +<p>Lady Thomson voiced the general opinion in declaring that a man could +always find time to do good work if he really wanted to do it. She +rejoiced when Ian put aside the serious doubts which beset him and +accepted the London offer. Mildred also rejoiced, although she regretted +much that she must leave behind her, and in particular the old panelled +house.</p> + +<p>This was, however, the one part of Oxford<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[212]</a></span> that Milly did not grieve to +have lost, when she awoke once more from long months of sleep, to find +herself in a new home. For she had grown to be silently afraid of the +old house, with the great chimney-stacks like hollowed towers within it, +made, it seemed, for the wind to moan in; its deep embrasures and +panelling, that harbored inexplicable sounds; its ancient boards that +creaked all night as if with the tread of mysterious feet. Awake in the +dark hours, she fancied there were really footsteps, really knockings, +movements, faint sighs passing outside her door, and that some old +wicked life which should long since have passed away through the portals +of the grave, clung to those ancient walls with a horrible tenacity, +still refusing the great renunciation of death.</p> + +<p>It was true that in the larger, more hurried world of London it was +easier to dissimulate her transformations than it had been in Oxford. +The comparative retirement in which Milly lived was easily explained by +her delicate health. It seemed as though in her sojourns—which more and +more encroached upon those of the original personality—the strong, +intrusive ego consumed in an unfair degree the vitality of their common +body, leaving Milly with a certain nervous exhaustion, a languor against +which she struggled with a pathetic courage. She learned also to cover +with a seldom broken silence the deep wound which was ever draining her +young heart of its happiness; and for that very reason it grew deeper +and more envenomed.</p> + +<p>That Ian should love her evil and mysterious<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[213]</a></span> rival as though they two +were really one was horrible to her. Even her child was not unreservedly +her own, to bring up according to her own ideas, to love without fear of +that rival. Tony was like his father in the sweetness of his +disposition, as well as in his dark beauty, and he accented with +surprising resignation the innumerable rules and regulations which Milly +set about his path and about his bed. But although he was healthy, his +nerves were highly strung, and it seemed as though her feverish anxiety +for his physical, moral, and intellectual welfare reacted upon him and +made him, after a few weeks of her influence, less vigorous in +appearance, less gay and boylike than he was during her absence. Ian +dared not hint a preference for the animal spirits that Mildred +encouraged, with their attendant noise and nonsense, considered by Milly +so undesirable. But one day Tims observed, cryptically, that "A watched +boy never boils"; and Emma, the nurse, told Mrs. Stewart bluntly that +she thought Master Tony wasn't near so well and bright when he was +always being looked after, as he was when he was let go his own way a +bit, like other children. Then a miserable fear beset Milly lest the +boy, too, should notice the change in his mother; lest he should look +forward to the disappearance of the woman who loved him so passionately, +watched over him with such complete devotion, and in his silent heart +regret, invoke, that other. It was at once soothing and bitter to her to +be assured by Ian and by Tims that they had never been able to discover +the least sign that Tony was aware when the change<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[214]</a></span> occurred between the +two personalities of his mother.</p> + +<p>Two years passed in London, two years out of which the original owner +enjoyed a total share of only nine months; and this, indeed, she could +not truly have been said to have enjoyed, since happiness was far from +her. Death would have been a sad but simple catastrophe, to be met with +resignation to the will of God. What resignation could be felt before +this gradual strangulation of her being at the hands of a nameless yet +surely Evil Thing? Her love for Ian was so great that his sufferings +were more to her than her own, and in the space of those two years she +saw that on him, too, sorrow had set its mark. The glow of his good +looks and the brilliancy of his mind were alike dulled. It was not only +that his shoulders were bent, his hair thinned and touched with gray, +but his whole appearance, once so individual, was growing merely +typical; that of the middle-aged Academic, absorbed in the cares of his +profession. His real work was not merely at a stand-still, but a few +more such years and his capacity for it would be destroyed. She felt +this vaguely, with the intuition of love. If the partnership had been +only between him and her, he surely would have yielded to her prayer to +give up the headship of the Merchants' Guild College after a set term; +but he put the question by. Evidently that Other, who cared for nothing +but her own selfish interests and amusements, who spent upon them the +money that he ought to be saving, would never allow him to give up his +appointment<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[215]</a></span> unless something better offered. It was not only her own +life, it was the higher and happier part of his that she was struggling +to save in those desperate hours when she sought around her for some +weapon wherewith to fight that mortal foe. She turned to priests, +Anglican, Roman Catholic; but they failed her. Both believed her to be +suffering under an insane delusion, but the Roman Catholic priest would +have attempted to exorcise the evil spirit if she would have joined his +Communion. She was too honest to pretend to a belief that was not hers.</p> + +<p>When she returned from her last vain pilgrimage to the Church of the +Sacred Heart and stood before the glass, removing a thick black veil +from the pale despair of her face, she was suddenly aware of a strange, +unfamiliar smile lifting the drooped lines of her lips—an elfish smile +which transformed her face to something different from her own. And +immediately those smiling lips uttered words that fell as unexpectedly +on her ears as though they had proceeded from the mouth of another +person.</p> + +<p>"Never mind," they said, briskly. "It wouldn't have been of the least +use."</p> + +<p>For a minute a wild terror made her brain swim and she fled to the door, +instinctively seeking protection; but she stayed herself, remembering +that Ian, who was sleeping badly at night, was now asleep in his study. +Weak and timid though she was, she would lay no fresh burden on him, but +fight her battle, if battle there was to be, alone.</p> + +<p>She walked back deliberately to the glass and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[216]</a></span> looked steadily at her +own reflection. Her brows were frowning, her eyes stern as she had never +before seen them, but they were assuredly hers, answering to the mood of +her own mind. Her lips were cold, and trembled so that although she had +meant solemnly to defy the Power of Evil within her she was unable to +articulate. As she looked in the glass and saw herself—her real +self—so evidently there, the strange smile, the speech divorced from +all volition of hers which had crossed her lips, began to lose reality. +Still her lips trembled, and at length a convulsion shook them as +irresistible as that of a sob. Words broke stammeringly out which were +not hers:</p> + +<p>"Struggle for life—the stronger wins. I'm stronger. It's no use +struggling—no use—no use—no use!"</p> + +<p>Milly pressed her lips hard against her teeth with her hands, stopping +this utterance by main force. Her heart hammered so loud it seemed as +though some one must hear it and come to ask what was the matter. But no +one came. She was left alone with the Thing within her.</p> + +<p>It may have been a long while, it may have been only a few seconds that +she remained standing at her dressing-table, her hands pressed hard +against her convulsed mouth. She had closed her eyes, afraid to look +longer in the glass, lest something uncanny should peer out of it. She +did not pray—she had prayed so often before—but she fought with her +whole strength against the encroaching power of the Other. At length she +gradually released her<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[217]</a></span> lips. They were bruised, but they had ceased to +move. It was she herself who spoke, low but clearly and with +deliberation:</p> + +<p>"I shall struggle. I shall never give in. You think you're the stronger. +I won't let you be. I'm fighting for my husband's happiness—do you +hear?—as well as my own. You're strong, but we shall be stronger, he +and I, in the end."</p> + +<p>There was no answer, the sense of struggle was gone from her; and +suddenly she felt how mad it was to be talking to herself like that in +an empty room. She took off the little black toque which sat on her +bright head with an alien smartness to which she was now accustomed, and +forced herself to look in the glass while she pinned up a stray lock of +hair. Beyond an increased pallor and darker marks under her eyes, she +saw nothing unusual in her appearance.</p> + +<p>It was five o'clock, and Ian would probably be awake and wanting his +tea. She went softly into the study and leaned over him. Sleep had +almost smoothed away the lines of effort and worry which had marred the +beauty of his face; in the eyes of her love he was always the same +handsome Ian Stewart as in the old Oxford days, when he had seemed as a +young god, so high above her reach.</p> + +<p>She went to an oak table behind the sofa, on which the maid had set the +tea-things without awakening him, and sat there quietly watching the +kettle. The early London twilight began to veil the room. Ian stirred on +the sofa and sat up, with his back to her, unconscious of her presence. +She<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[218]</a></span> rose, vaguely supposing herself about to address some gentle word +to him. Then suddenly she had thrown one soft hand under his chin and +one across his eyes, and with a <i>brusquerie</i> quite unnatural to her +pulled him backwards, while a ripple of laughter so strange as to be +shocking in her own ears burst from her lips, which cried aloud with a +defiant gayety:</p> + +<p>"Who, Ian? Guess!"</p> + +<p>Ian, with a sudden force as strange to her as her own laughter, her own +gay cry, pulled her hands away, held them an instant fast; then, +kneeling on the sofa, he caught her in his long arms across the back of +it, and after the pressure of a kiss upon her lips such as she had never +felt before, breathed with a voice of unutterable gladness: "Mildred! +Darling! Dearest love!"</p> + +<p>A hoarse cry, almost a shriek, broke from the lips of Milly. The woman +he held struggled from his arms and stared at him wildly in the veiling +twilight. A strange horror fell upon him, and for several seconds he +remained motionless, leaning over the back of the sofa. Then, groping +towards the wall, he switched on the electric light. He saw it plainly, +the white mask of a woman smitten with a mortal blow.</p> + +<p>"Milly," he uttered, stammeringly. "What's the matter? You are ill."</p> + +<p>She turned on him her heart-broken look, then pressing her hand to her +throat, spoke as though with difficulty.</p> + +<p>"I love you very much—you don't know how<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[219]</a></span> much I love you. I've tried +so hard to be a good wife to you."</p> + +<p>Ian perceived catastrophe, yet dimly; sought with desperate haste to +remember why for a moment he had believed that that Other was come back; +what irreparable thing he had said or done.</p> + +<p>Meantime he must say something. "Milly, dear! What's gone wrong? What +have I done, child?"</p> + +<p>"You've let her take you—" She spoke more freely now, but with a +startling fierceness—"You've let her take you from me."</p> + +<p>"Ah, the old trouble! My poor Milly! I know it's terrible for you. I can +only say that no one else really exists; that you are always you +really."</p> + +<p>"That's not true. You don't believe it yourself. That wicked creature +has made you love her—her own wicked way. You want to have her instead +of me; you want to destroy your own wife and to get her back again."</p> + +<p>The cruel, ultimate truth that Milly's words laid bare—the truth which +he constantly refused to look upon, in mercy to himself and +her—paralyzed the husband's tongue. He tried to approach her with vague +words and gestures of affection and remonstrance, but she motioned him +from her.</p> + +<p>"No. Don't say you love me; I can't believe it, and I hate to hear you +say what's not true."</p> + +<p>For a moment the fierce heart of Primitive Woman had blazed up within +her—that fire which all the waters of baptism fail to quench. But the +flame died down as suddenly as it had arisen, and appeal<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[220]</a></span>ing with +outspread hands, as to some invisible judge, she wailed, miserably:</p> + +<p>"Oh, what am I to do—what am I to do? I love you so much, and it's all +no use."</p> + +<p>Ian was as white as herself.</p> + +<p>"Milly, my poor girl, don't break our hearts."</p> + +<p>He stretched his arms towards her, but she turned away from him towards +the door, made a few steps, then stopped and clutched her throat. He +thought her struggling with sobs; but when once more, as though in fear, +she turned her face towards him, he saw it strangely convulsed. He moved +towards her in an alarmed silence, but before he could reach her and +catch her in his arms, her head drooped, she swayed once upon her feet, +and fell heavily to the ground.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[221]</a></span> +</p> + +<h2>CHAPTER XXIV</h2> + + +<p>"Now be reasonable Tims. You can be if you choose."</p> + +<p>Mildred was perched on a high stool in Tims's Chambers, breathing spring +from a bunch of fresh Neapolitan violets, grown by an elderly admirer of +hers, and wearing her black, winter toque and dress with that invincible +air of smartness which she contrived to impart to the oldest clothes, +provided they were of her own choosing. Tims, who from her face and +attitude might have been taken for a victim of some extreme and secret +torture, crouched, balancing herself on the top rail of her fender. She +replied only by a horrible groan.</p> + +<p>"Who do you suppose is the happier when Milly comes back?" continued +Mildred.</p> + +<p>"Well—the brat."</p> + +<p>"Tony? He doesn't even know when she's there; but by the time she's done +with him he's unnaturally good. He can't like that, can he?"</p> + +<p>"Then there's Ian, good old boy!"</p> + +<p>"That's humbug. You know it is."</p> + +<p>"But it's Milly herself I really care about," cried Tims. "You've been a +pig to her, Mil. She says you're a devil, and if I weren't a scientific +woman I<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[222]</a></span> swear I should begin to believe there was something in it."</p> + +<p>"No, Tims, dear," returned Mildred with earnestness. "I'm neither a pig +nor a devil." She paused. "Sometimes I think I've lived before, some +quite different life from this. But I suppose you'll say that's all +nonsense."</p> + +<p>"Of course it is—rot," commented Tims, sternly. "You're a physiological +freak, that's what you are. You're nothing but Milly all the time, and +you ought to be decent to her."</p> + +<p>"I don't want to hurt her anyhow," apologized Mildred; "but you see when +I'm only half there—well, I am only half there. I'm awfully rudimentary +and I can't grasp anything except that I'm being choked, squeezed out of +existence, and that I must make a fight for my life. Any woman becomes +rudimentary who is fighting for her life against another woman; only +I've more excuse for it, because as a scientist you must see that I can +only be in very partial possession of my brain."</p> + +<p>Tims had pulled her wig down over her eyes and glared at space. "That's +all very well for you," she said; "but why should I help you to kill +poor old M.?"</p> + +<p>"Do try and understand! Every time she comes back she's more and more +miserable; and that's not cheerful for Ian either, is it? Now, through +that underhand trick of rudimentary Me—you see I don't try to hide my +horrid ways—she knows Ian adores me and, comparatively speaking, +doesn't care two straws about her. That will make her<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[223]</a></span> more miserable +than she has ever been before. She'll only want to live so that I +mayn't."</p> + +<p>"I don't see how Ian's going to get on without her. <i>You</i> don't do much +for him, my girl, except spend his money."</p> + +<p>"Of course, that's quite true. I'm not in the least suited to Ian or his +life or his income; but that's not my fault. How perverse men are! +Always in love with the wrong women, aren't they?"</p> + +<p>Tims's countenance relaxed and she replied with a slight air of +importance:</p> + +<p>"My opinion of men has been screwed up a peg lately. Every now and then +you do find one who's got too much sense for any rot of that kind."</p> + +<p>Mildred continued.</p> + +<p>"Ian's perfectly wretched at what happened; can't understand it, of +course. He doesn't say much, but I can see he dreads explanations with +Milly. He's good at reserve, but no good at lies, poor old dear, and +just think of all the straight questions she'll ask him! It'll be +torture to both of them. Poor Milly! I've no patience with her. Why +should she want to live? Life's no pleasure to her. She's known a long +time that Tony's really jollier and better with me, and now she knows +Ian doesn't want her. How can you pretend to think Milly happy, Tims? +Hasn't she said things to you?"</p> + +<p>"Yes," groaned Tims. "Poor old M.! She's pretty well down on her luck, +you bet."</p> + +<p>"And I enjoy every minute of my life, although<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[224]</a></span> I could find plenty to +grumble at if I liked. Listen to me, Tims. How would it be to strike a +bargain? Let me go on without any upsets from Milly until I'm forty. I'm +sure I sha'n't care what happens to me at forty. Then Milly may have +everything her own way. What would it matter to her? She likes to take +time by the forelock and behaves already as though she were forty. I +feel sure you could help me to keep her quiet if only you chose."</p> + +<p>"If I chose to meddle at all, I should be much more likely to help her +to come back," returned Tims, getting snappish.</p> + +<p>"Alas! I fear you would, Tims, dear, in spite of knowing it would only +make her miserable. That shows, doesn't it, how unreasonable even a +distinguished scientific woman can be?"</p> + +<p>This aspersion on Tims's reasoning powers had to be resented and the +resentment to be soothed. And the soothing was so effectually done that +Tims owned to herself afterwards there was some excuse for Ian's +infatuation.</p> + +<p>But Tims had no desire to meddle, and the months passed by without any +symptoms of the change appearing. It seemed as if Mildred's hold upon +life had never been so firm, the power of her personality never so fully +developed. She belonged to a large family which in all its branches had +a trick of throwing up successful men and brilliant women. But in +reaction against Scottish clannishness, it held little together, and in +the two houses whence Mildred was launched on her Lon<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[225]</a></span>don career, she +had no nursery reputation of Milly's with which to contend.</p> + +<p>One of these houses was that of her cousin, Sir Cyril Meres, a +fashionable painter with a considerable gift for art, and more for +success—success social and financial. His beautiful house, stored with +wonderful collections, had a reputation, and was frequented by every one +of distinction in the artistic or intellectual world—by those of the +world of wealth and rank who were interested in such matters, and the +yet larger number who affected to be interested in them. For those +Anglo-Saxon deities, Mammon and Snobbery, who have since conquered the +whole civilized globe, had temporarily fallen back for a fresh spring, +and in the eighties and early nineties Culture was reckoned very nearly +as <i>chic</i> as motoring in the first years of the new century.</p> + +<p>Several painters of various degrees of talent attempted to fix on canvas +the extraordinary charm of Mrs. Stewart's appearance. Not one of them +succeeded; but the peculiar shade of her hair, the low forehead and +delicate line of the dark eyebrows, the outline of the mask, sometimes +admired, sometimes criticised, made her portrait always recognized, +whether simpering as a chocolate-box classicality, smiling sadly from +the flowery circle of the Purgatorio, or breaking out of some rough mass +of paint with the provocative leer of a <i>cocotte</i> of the Quartier Latin.</p> + +<p>The magnetism of her personality defied analysis, as her essential +beauty defied the painter's art. It was a magnetism which surrounded her +with<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[226]</a></span> an atmosphere of adorations, admirations, enmities—all equally +violent and irrational. Her wit had little to do with the making of her +enemies, because it was never used in offence against friends or even +harmless acquaintances; only against her foes she employed it with the +efficiency and mercilessness of a red Indian wielding the tomahawk.</p> + +<p>The other family where she found her niche awaiting her was of a +different order. It was that of the retired Indian judge, Sir John +Ireton, whose wife had chaperoned her through a Commemoration the summer +she had taken her First in Greats. Ireton was not only in Parliament, +but his house was a meeting-place where politicians cemented personal +ties and plotted party moves. Milly in her brief appearances, had been +of use to Lady Ireton, but Mildred proved socially invaluable. There +were serious persons who suspected Mrs. Stewart of approaching politics +in a flippant spirit; but on certain days she had revealed a grave and +ardent belief in the dogmas of the party and a piety of attitude towards +the person of its great apostle, which had convinced them that she was +not really cynical or frivolous.</p> + +<p>Lady Augusta Goring was the most important conquest of the kind Milly +had made. She was the only child of the Marquis of Ipswich, and one of +those rather stupid people whose energy of mind and character is often +mistaken by themselves and others for cleverness. Lady Augusta was +handsome in a dull, massive way, and so conscientious that she had +seldom time to smile. Her friends<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[227]</a></span> said she would smile oftener if her +husband caused her less anxiety; but considering who George Goring was +and how he had been brought up, he might have been much worse. Where +women were concerned, scandal had never accused him of anything more +flagrant than dubious flirtations. It was his political intrigues, +constantly threatening unholy <i>liaisons</i> in the most unthinkable +directions; his sudden fits of obstinate idleness, often occurring at +the very moment when some clever and promising political scheme of his +own was ripe for execution, which so unendurably harassed the staid +Marquis and the earnest Lady Augusta. They were highly irritating, too, +to Sir John Ireton, who had believed himself at one time able to tame +and tutor the tricksy young politician.</p> + +<p>The late Lord Ipswich had been a "sport" in the Barthop family; a black +sheep, but clever, and a well known collector. Accidental circumstances +had greatly enriched him, and as he detested his brother and successor, +he had left his pictures to the nation and all of his fortune which he +could dispose of—which happened to be the bulk—to his natural son, +George Goring. But his will had not been found for some weeks after his +death, and while the present Marquis had believed himself the inheritor +of the whole property, he had treated the nameless and penniless child +of his brother with perfect delicacy and generosity. When George Goring +found himself made rich at the expense of his uncle, he proposed to his +cousin Lady Augusta and was accepted.</p> + +<p>Mildred was partly amused and partly bored to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[228]</a></span> discover herself on so +friendly a footing with Lady Augusta. Putting herself into that passive +frame of mind in which revelations of Milly's past actions were most +often vouchsafed to her, she saw herself type-writing in a small, +high-ceilinged room looking out on a foggy London park, and Lady Augusta +seated at a neighboring table, surrounded by papers. Type-writing was +not then so common as it is now, and Milly had learned the art in order +to give assistance to Ian. Mildred was annoyed to find herself in danger +of having to waste her time in a mechanical occupation which she +detested, or else of offending a woman whom her uncle valued as a friend +and political ally.</p> + +<p>It was a slight compensation to receive an invitation to accompany the +Iretons to a great ball at Ipswich House. There was no question of Ian +accompanying her. He was usually too tired to care for going out in the +evening and went only to official dinners and to the houses of old +friends, or of people with whom he had educational connections. It did +not occur to him that it might be wise to put a strain upon himself +sometimes, to lay by his spectacles, straighten his back, have his beard +trimmed and appear at Mildred's side in the drawing-rooms where she +shone, looking what he was—a husband of whom she had reason to be +proud. More and more engrossed by his own work and responsibilities, he +let her drift into a life quite apart from his, content to see her world +from his own fireside, in the sparkling mirror of her talk.</p> + +<p>Ipswich House was a great house, if of little<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[229]</a></span> architectural merit, and +the ball had all the traditional spectacular splendor common to such +festivities. The pillared hall and double staircase, the suites of +spacious rooms, were filled with a glittering kaleidoscopic crowd of +fair and magnificently bejewelled women and presumably brave, certainly +well-groomed and handsome men. The excellence of the music, the masses +of flowers, the number of great names and well-advertised society +beauties present, would subsequently provide material for long and +eulogistic paragraphs in the half-penny press and the Ladies' Weeklies.</p> + +<p>Mildred enjoyed it as a spectacle rather than as a ball, for she knew +few people there, and the young political men whom she had met at her +uncle's parties were too much engaged with ladies of more importance, to +whom they were related or to whom they owed social attention, to write +their names more than once on her programme. One of these, however, +asked her if she had noticed how harassed both Lord Ipswich and Lady +Augusta looked. Goring's speech, he said, at the Fothering by-election +was reported and commented upon in all the papers, and had given +tremendous offence to the leaders of his party; while the fact that he +had not turned up in time for the ball must be an additional cross to +his wife, who made such a firm stand against the social separation of +married couples.</p> + +<p>When Mildred returned to her uncle she found him the centre of a group +of eminent politicians, all denouncing in more or less subdued tones the +out<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[230]</a></span>rageous utterances and conduct of Goring, and most declaring that +only consideration for Lord Ipswich and Lady Augusta prevented them from +publicly excommunicating the hardened offender. Others, however, while +admitting the outrage, urged that he was too brilliant a young man to be +lightly thrown away, and advised patience, combined with the +disciplinary rod. Sir John was of the excommunicatory party. Later in +the evening he disappeared into some remote smoking or card-room, not so +much forgetting his niece as taking it for granted that she was, as +usual, surrounded by friends and admirers of both sexes. But a detached +personality, however brilliant, is apt to be submerged in such a crowd +of social eminences, bound together by ties of blood, of interests, and +of habit, as filled the salons of Ipswich House. Mildred walked around +the show contentedly enough for a time, receiving a smile here and a +pleasant word there from such of her acquaintances as she chanced upon, +but practically alone. And being alone, she found herself yielding to a +vulgar envy of richer women's clothes and jewels. Her dress, with which +she had been pleased, looked ordinary beside the creations of great +Parisian <i>ateliers</i>, and the few old paste ornaments which were the only +jewels she possessed, charming as they were, seemed dim and scant among +the crowns and constellations of diamonds that surrounded her. Her pride +rebelled against this envy, but could not conquer it.</p> + +<p>More gnawing pangs, however, assailed her presently, the pangs of +hunger; and no one offered<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[231]</a></span> to take her in to supper. The idea of taking +herself in was revolting; she preferred starvation. But where could +Uncle John have hidden himself? She sought the elderly truant with all +the suppressed annoyance of a chaperon seeking an inconsiderate flirt of +a girl. And it happened that a spirit in her feet led her to the door of +a small room in which Milly and Lady Augusta had been wont to transact +their business. A curious feeling of familiarity, of physical habit, +caused her to open the big mahogany door. There was no air of public +festivity about the room, which was furnished with a substantial, almost +shabby masculine comfort. But oh, tantalizing spectacle! Under the +illumination of a tall, crimson-shaded, standard lamp, stood a little, +white-covered table, reminding her irresistibly of a little table in a +fairy story, which the due incantation causes to rise out of the ground. +A small silver-gilt tureen of soup smoked upon it and a little pile of +delicate rolls lay beside the plate set for one. But alas! she might +not, like the favored girl in the fairy story, proceed without ceremony +to satisfy her hunger at the mysterious little table.</p> + +<p>A door immediately opposite that of the small sitting-room opened +noiselessly, and a young man entered with a light, quick step. He saw +Mildred, but for a second or so she did not see him. He was at her side +when she looked around and their eyes met. They had never seen each +other before, but at that meeting of the eyes a curious feeling, such as +two Europeans might experience, meeting in the heart of some dark +continent, affected them both.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[232]</a></span></p> + +<p>There was something picturesque about the young man's appearance, in +spite of the impeccable cut and finish of his dress-suit and the waxed +ends of his small blond mustache. His hair was of a ruddy nut-brown +color, and had a wave in it; his bright hazel eyes seemed exactly to +match it. His face had a fine warm pallor, and his under lip, which with +his chin was somewhat thrust forward, was redder than the lip of a +child. It was perhaps this noticeable coloring and something in his port +which made him, in spite of the correct modernity of his dress, suggest +some seventeenth-century portrait.</p> + +<p>"Forgive my passing you," he said, at length; "but I'm starving."</p> + +<p>"So am I," she returned, hardly aware of what she was saying. Some +strange, almost hypnotic attraction seemed to rivet her whole attention +on the mere phenomenon of this man.</p> + +<p>"By Jove! Aren't they feeding the multitude down there?" he asked, +nodding in the direction of the supper-room.</p> + +<p>"Of course," she answered, with the simple gravity of a child, her blue +eyes still fixed upon him. "But I can't ask for supper for myself, can +I?"</p> + +<p>Her need was distinctly material; yet the young man confronting her +white grace, the strange look in her blue eyes, had a dreamlike feeling, +almost as though he had met a dryad or an Undine between two of the +prosaic, substantial doors of Ipswich House. And as in a dream the most +extraordinary things seem familiar and expected,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[233]</a></span> so the apparition of +the Undine and her confidence in him seemed familiar, in fact just what +he had been expecting during those hours of fog off the Goodwins, when +the sirens, wild voices gathering up from all the seas of the world, had +been screaming to each other across the hidden waters. That same inner +concentration upon the mere phenomenon of a presence, an existence, +which had given the childlike note to Mildred's speech, froze a +compliment upon his lips; and they stood silent, eying each other +gravely. A junior footman appeared, carrying a bottle of champagne in a +bucket, and the young man addressed him in a vague, distracted tone, +very unlike his usual manner.</p> + +<p>"Look here, Arthur, here's a lady who can't get any supper."</p> + +<p>The footman went quite pink at this personal reproach. He happened to +have heard some one surmise, on seeing Mildred roaming about alone, that +she was a newspaper woman.</p> + +<p>"Please sir," he replied, "I don't know how it's happened, for her +Ladyship told Mr. Mackintosh to be sure and see as the newspaper ladies +and gentlemen were well looked after, and he thought as they'd all had +supper."</p> + +<p>It seemed incredible that Mildred should not have heard this reply, +uttered so close to her; but though it fell upon her ears it did not +penetrate to her mind.</p> + +<p>"Bring up supper for two, Arthur," said Goring, in his usual decisive +tone. "That'll do, won't it?" he added, and turned to Mildred, ushering +her into<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[234]</a></span> the room. "You'll have supper with me, I hope? My name's +Goring; I'm Lord Ipswich's son-in-law and I live in his house; so you +see it's all right."</p> + +<p>The corollary was not evident; but the mention of the name brought +Mildred back to the ordinary world. So this was George Goring, the +plague of his political party, the fly in the ointment of a respectable +Marquis and his distinguished daughter. She had not fancied him like +this. For one thing, she did not know him to be younger than his wife, +and between the careworn solidity of Lady Augusta and this vivid +restless personality, the five actual years of difference seemed +stretched to ten.</p> + +<p>"I'm convinced it's all right, Mr. Goring," she replied, throwing +herself into a chair and smiling at him sparklingly. "It must be all +right. I want my supper so much I should have to accept your invitation +even if you were a burglar."</p> + +<p>Goring, whose habit it was to keep moving, laughed as he walked about, +one hand in his trousers pocket.</p> + +<p>"Why shouldn't I be a burglar? A burglar, with an assistant disguised as +a footman, sacking the bedrooms of Lord Ipswich's house while the ball +proceeds? There's copy for you! Shall I do it? 'Mr. George Goring's +Celebrated Black Pearls Stolen,' would make a capital head-line. Perhaps +you've heard I'd do anything to keep my name in the newspapers."</p> + +<p>"It certainly gets there pretty often," returned Mildred, politely; "and +whenever it's mentioned it has an enlivening effect."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[235]</a></span></p> + +<p>The footman had reappeared and they were unfolding their dinner-napkins, +sitting opposite each other at the little table.</p> + +<p>"As how, enlivening?"</p> + +<p>"Like a bit of bread dropped into a glass of flat champagne."</p> + +<p>"You think my party's like champagne? Why, it couldn't exist for a +moment if it sparkled."</p> + +<p>"I was talking of newspapers, not of your party; though there's no doubt +you do enliven that."</p> + +<p>"Do I? Like what? No odiously inoffensive comparisons, if you please."</p> + +<p>"Well, I have heard people say like—like a blister on the back of the +neck."</p> + +<p>Goring laughed. "Thanks. That's better."</p> + +<p>"The patient's using language, but he won't really tear it off, because +he knows that would hurt him more, and the blister will do him good in +the end, if he bears with it."</p> + +<p>"But there's the blister's side to it, too. It's infernally tiring for a +blister to be sticking on to such a fellow everlastingly. It'll fly off +of itself before long, if he doesn't look out. Hullo! What am I saying? +I suppose you'll have all this out in some confounded paper—'The Rebel +Member Returns. A Chat with Mr. Goring'—Don't do that; but I'll give +you some other copy if you like."</p> + +<p>"You're very kind in giving me all this copy. What shall I do with it? +Shall I keep it as a memento?"</p> + +<p>"No, no. You can sell it; honor bright you can."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[236]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Can I? Shall I get much for it? Enough money to buy me a tiara, do you +think?"</p> + +<p>"Do you really want to wear the usual fender? Now, why? I suppose +because you aren't sufficiently aware how—" he paused on the edge of a +compliment which seemed suddenly too full-flavored and ordinary to be +addressed to this strangely lovely being, with her smile at once so +sparkling and so mysterious. He substituted: "How much more +distinguished it is to look like an Undine than like a peeress."</p> + +<p>Mildred seemed slightly taken aback.</p> + +<p>"Why do you say 'Undine?'" she asked, almost sharply. "Do I—do I look +as if I came out of a Trafalgar Square fountain with fell designs on +Lord Ipswich?"</p> + +<p>"Of course not. But—I can't exactly define even to myself what I mean, +only you do suggest an Undine to me. To some one else you might be +simply Miss—Forgive me, I don't know your name."</p> + +<p>He had not even troubled to glance at her left hand, and when the "Mrs." +was uttered it affected him oddly. It was one of the peculiar +differences between her two personalities that, casually encountered, +Mildred was as seldom taken for a married woman as Milly for an +unmarried one.</p> + +<p>"Do I look as if I'd got no soul?" she persisted, leaning a little +towards him, an intensity that might almost have been called anxiety in +her gaze.</p> + +<p>He could even have fancied she had grown paler. He, too, became serious. +His eyes brightened,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">[237]</a></span> meeting hers, and a slight color came into his +cheeks.</p> + +<p>"Quite the contrary," he answered. "I should say you had a great +deal—in fact, I shall begin to believe in detachable souls again. Fancy +most people as just souls, without trimmings. It makes one laugh. But +your body looks like an emanation from the spirit; as though it might +flow away in a white waterfall or go up in a white fire; and as though, +if it did, your soul could certainly precipitate another body, which +must certainly be like this one, because it would be as this is, the +material expression of a spirit."</p> + +<p>She listened as he spoke, seriously, her eyes on his. But when he had +done, she dropped her chin on her hand and laughed delightedly.</p> + +<p>"You think I should be able to grow a fresh body, like a lobster growing +a fresh claw? What fun!"</p> + +<p>There was a sound without, not of the footman struggling with dishes and +plates and the door-handle, but of middle-aged voices.</p> + +<p>Instinctively Goring and Mildred straightened themselves and looked +polite. Lord Ipswich and Sir John Ireton, deep in political converse, +came slowly in and then stopped short in surprise. Mildred lost not a +moment in carrying the war into their country. She turned about and +addressed her uncle in a playful tone, which yet smacked of reproof.</p> + +<p>"Here you are at last, Uncle John! I thought you'd forgotten all about +me. I've been walking miles in mad pursuit of you, till I was so tired +and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">[238]</a></span> hungry I think I should have dropped if Mr. Goring hadn't taken +pity upon me and made me eat his supper."</p> + +<p>Sir John defended himself, and Lord Ipswich was shocked to think that a +lady had been in such distress in his house; although the apparition of +Goring prevented him from feeling it as acutely as he would otherwise +have done. His pleasant pink face took on an expression of severity as +he responded to his son-in-law's somewhat too cheerful greeting.</p> + +<p>"Sorry to be so late, but we were held up by a fog at the mouth of the +Thames."</p> + +<p>"It must have been very important business to take you all the way to +Brussels so suddenly."</p> + +<p>"It certainly wouldn't wait. I heard there was a whole set of Beauvais +tapestries to be had for a mere song. I couldn't buy them without seeing +them you know, and the big London and Paris dealers were bound to chip +in if I didn't settle the matter pretty quick. I'm precious glad I did, +for they're the finest pieces I ever saw and would have fetched five +times what I gave for them at Christie's."</p> + +<p>"Ah—really!" was all Lord Ipswich's response, coldly uttered and +accompanied by a smile more sarcastic than often visited his neat and +kindly lips. Sir John Ireton and Mildred, aware of the delicate +situation, partly domestic and partly political, upon which they were +intruding, took themselves away and were presently rolling through the +empty streets in the gray light of early morning.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">[239]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXV</h2> + + +<p>Not long afterwards Mildred received a letter the very address of which +had an original appearance, looking as if it were written with a stick +in a fist rather than with a pen between fingers. It caught her +attention at once from half a dozen others.</p> + +<blockquote><p>"<span class="smcap">Dear Mrs. Stewart</span>,—Yesterday I was at Cochrane's studio +and he told me Meres was the greatest authority in England +on tapestry, and also a cousin of yours. Please remember (or +forgive) the supper on Tuesday, and of your kindness, ask +him to let me see his lot and give me his opinion on mine. +Cochrane had a folly he called a portrait of you in his +studio. I turned its face to the wall; and in the end he +admitted I was right.</p> + +<p class="f1">"Yours sincerely,</p> + +<p class="f2">"<span class="smcap">George Goring.</span>"</p></blockquote> + +<p>Accordingly, on a very hot day early in July, Goring met Mildred again, +at Sir Cyril Meres's house on Campden Hill. The long room at one end of +which stood the small dining-table looked on the greenness of a lawny, +lilac-sheltered garden, so that such light as filtered through the green +jalousies was green also. There was a great block of ice somewhere in +the room, and so cool it was, so greenly dim there, that it seemed +almost like a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">[240]</a></span> cavern of the sea. Mildred wore a white dress, and, as +was the fashion of the moment, a large black hat shadowed with +ostrich-feathers. Once more on seeing her he had a startled impression +of looking upon an ethereal creature, a being somehow totally distinct +from other beings; and for lack of some more appropriate name, he called +her again in his mind "Undine." As the talk, which Cyril Meres had a +genius for making general, became more animated, he half lost that +impression in one of a very clever, charming woman, with a bright wit +sailing lightly over depths of knowledge to which he was unaccustomed in +her sex.</p> + +<p>The party was not intended to number more than eight persons, of whom +Lady Thomson was one, and they sat down seven. When Sir Cyril observed: +"We won't wait any longer for Davison," Mildred was too much interested +in Goring's presence to inquire who this Davison might be.</p> + +<p>She sparkled on half through luncheon to the delight of every one but +Miss Ormond the actress, who would have preferred to play the lead +herself. Then came a pause. A door was opened at the far end of the dim +room, and the missing guest appeared. Sir Cyril rose hastily to greet +him. He advanced without any apologetic hurry in his gait; the same +impassive Maxwell Davison as before, but leaner, browner, more +silver-headed from three more years of wandering under Oriental suns. +Mildred could hardly have supposed it possible that the advent of any +human being could have given her so disagreeable a sensation.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">[241]</a></span></p> + +<p>Sir Cyril was unaware that she knew Maxwell Davison; surprised to hear +that he was a cousin of Stewart's, between whom and himself there +existed a mutual antipathy, expressing itself in terms of avoidance. His +own acquaintance with Davison was recent and in the way of business. He +had had the fancy to build for the accommodation of his Hellenic +treasures a room in imitation of the court of a Græco-Roman house which +he had helped to excavate in Asia Minor. He had commissioned Davison to +buy him hangings for it to harmonize with an old Persian carpet in cream +color and blue of which he was already possessed. Davison had brought +these with him and a little collection of other things which he thought +Meres might care to look at. He did not know the Stewarts had moved to +London, and it was an unpleasant surprise to find himself seated at the +same table with Mildred; he had not forgotten, still less forgiven, the +lure of her coquetry, the insult of her rebuff.</p> + +<p>Lady Thomson was next him and questioned him exhaustively about his book +on Persian Literature and the travels of his lifetime. Miss Ormond took +advantage of Mrs. Stewart's sudden silence to talk to the table rather +cleverly around the central theme of herself. Goring conversed apart +with Mrs. Stewart.</p> + +<p>Coffee was served in the shrine which Sir Cyril had reared for his Greek +collection, of which the gem was a famous head of Aphrodite—an early +Aphrodite, divine, removed from all possible pains and agitations of +human passion. The room was<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">[242]</a></span> an absurdity on Campden Hill, said some, +but undeniably beautiful in itself. The columns, of singular lightness +and grace, were of a fine marble which hovered between creamy white and +faint yellow, and the walls and floor were of the same tone, except for +a frieze on a Greek model, very faintly colored, and the old Persian +carpet. In fine summer weather the large skylight covering the central +space was withdrawn, and such sky as London can show looked down upon +it. The new hangings which Maxwell Davison had brought with him were +already displayed on a tall screen, and his miscellaneous collection of +antiquities, partly sent from Durham College, partly lately acquired, +were arranged on a marble bench.</p> + +<p>"I shouldn't have brought these things, Sir Cyril," he said; "if I'd +known Mrs. Stewart was here. She's got a way of hinting that my most +cherished antiquities are forgeries; and the worst of it is, she makes +every one believe her, including myself."</p> + +<p>Mildred protested.</p> + +<p>"I don't pretend to know anything about antiquities, Mr. Davison. I'm +sure I never suspected you of a forgery, and if I had, I hope I +shouldn't have been rude enough to tell you so."</p> + +<p>Maxwell Davison laughed his harsh laugh.</p> + +<p>"Do you want me to believe you can't be rude, Mrs. Stewart?"</p> + +<p>"I'm almost afraid she can't be," interposed Lady Thomson's full voice. +"People who make a superstition of politeness infallibly lose the higher +courtesy of truth."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">[243]</a></span></p> + +<p>Here Sir Cyril Meres called Davison away to worship at the shrine of the +Aphrodite, while Goring invited Mrs. Stewart into a neighboring corridor +where some tapestries were hanging.</p> + +<p>The divining crystal was among the objects returned from Oxford, and had +been included in the collection which Davison had brought with him, on +the chance that the painter might fancy such curiosities. When Goring +and Mildred returned from their leisurely inspection of the tapestries, +Miss Ormond had it in her hand, and Lady Thomson was commenting on some +remark of hers.</p> + +<p>"I've no doubt, as you say, it has played a wicked part before now in +Oriental intrigues. But of course the poor crystal is perfectly innocent +of the things read into it by rascals, practising on the ignorant and +superstitious."</p> + +<p>"Sometimes, perhaps, Lady Thomson," returned Miss Ormond; "but sometimes +people do see extraordinary visions in a crystal."</p> + +<p>Lady Thomson sniffed.</p> + +<p>"Excitable, imaginative people do, I dare say."</p> + +<p>"On the contrary, prosaic people are far more likely to see things than +highly strung imaginative creatures like myself. I've tried several +times and have never seen anything. I believe having a great deal of +brain-power and emotion and all that tells against it. I shouldn't be at +all surprised now if Mrs. Stewart, who is—well, I should fancy, just a +little cold, very bright and all that on the surface, you know—I +shouldn't wonder if she could crys<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">[244]</a></span>tal-gaze very successfully. I should +like to know whether she's ever tried."</p> + +<p>"I'm sure she's not," replied Lady Thomson, firmly. "My niece, Mrs. +Stewart, is a great deal too sensible and well-educated."</p> + +<p>"Mrs. Stewart can't honestly say the same for herself," interposed +Davison; "she gazed in this very crystal some years ago and certainly +saw something in it."</p> + +<p>Miss Ormond exclaimed in triumph. Mildred froze. She did not desire the +rôle of Society Seer.</p> + +<p>"What did I see, Mr. Davison?" she asked.</p> + +<p>He shrugged his shoulders.</p> + +<p>"Nothing of importance. You saw a woman in a light dress. Perhaps it was +Lady Hammerton the collector, originally guilty, you remember, in the +matter of the forged Augustus."</p> + +<p>"Mildred had only to peep in any glass to see Lady Hammerton, or some +one sufficiently like her," observed Meres.</p> + +<p>"That idea was started when David Fletcher picked up the fancy picture +which he chose to call a portrait of Lady Hammerton," cried Lady +Thomson, who was just taking her leave. "Such nonsense! I protest +against my own niece and a scholar of Ascham being likened to that +scandalous woman."</p> + +<p>Cyril Meres smiled and stroked his soft, silvery beard.</p> + +<p>"Quite right of you to protest, Beatrice. Still, I'm glad Lady Hammerton +didn't stick heroically to her Professor—as Mildred here does. We +should<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">[245]</a></span> never have been proud of her as an ancestress if she had."</p> + +<p>"Heroically?" repeated Maxwell Davison under his breath, and laughed. +But the meaning of his laugh was lost on every one except Mildred. She +flushed hotly at the thought of having to bear the responsibility of +that ridiculous scene on the Cherwell; it was humiliating, indeed. She +took up the crystal to conceal her chagrin.</p> + +<p>"Do please see something, Mrs. Stewart!" exclaimed Miss Ormond.</p> + +<p>"What sort of thing?"</p> + +<p>"Anything! Whatever you see, it will be quite thrilling.</p> + +<p>"Please see me, Mrs. Stewart," petitioned Goring, wandering towards the +crystal-gazer. "I should so like to thrill Miss Ormond."</p> + +<p>"It's no good your trying that way," smiled the lady, playing fine eyes. +"It's only shadows that are thrilling in the crystal; shadows of +something happening a long way off; or sometimes a coming event casts a +shadow before—and that's the most thrilling of all."</p> + +<p>"A coming event! That's exactly what I am, a tremendous coming Political +Event. You ask them in the House," cried Goring, thrusting out his chin +and aiming a provocative side-smile at a middle-aged Under-Secretary of +State who discreetly admired Miss Ormond.</p> + +<p>"Modest creature!" ejaculated the Under-Secretary playfully with his +lips; and in his heart vindictively, "Conceited devil!"<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">[246]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Please see me, Mrs. Stewart!" pleaded Goring, half kneeling on a chair +and leaning over the crystal.</p> + +<p>"I do," she returned. "I'd rather not. You look so distorted and odd; +and so do I, don't I? Dreadful! But the crystal's getting cloudy."</p> + +<p>"Then you're going really to see something!" exclaimed Miss Ormond. "How +delightful! Come away directly, Mr. Goring, or you'll spoil everything."</p> + +<p>Sir Cyril and Davison looked up from some treasure of Greek art. The +conversation was perfunctory, every one's curiosity waiting on Mildred +and the crystal.</p> + +<p>"Don't you see anything yet, Mrs. Stewart?" asked Miss Ormond at length, +impatiently.</p> + +<p>"No," replied Mildred, hesitatingly. "At least, not exactly. I see +something like rushing water and foam."</p> + +<p>"The reflection of clouds overhead," pronounced the Under-Secretary, +dogmatically, glancing upward.</p> + +<p>"I'm sure it's nothing of the kind," asserted Miss Ormond. "Please go on +looking, Mrs. Stewart, and perhaps you'll see a water-spirit."</p> + +<p>"Why do you want her to see a water-spirit?" asked Davison, ironically. +"In all countries of the world they are reckoned spiteful, treacherous +creatures. I was once bitten by one severely, and I have never wanted to +see one since."</p> + +<p>"Oh, Mr. Davison! Are you serious? What do you mean?" questioned Miss +Ormond.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">[247]</a></span></p> + +<p>Mrs. Stewart hastily put down the crystal. "I don't want to see one," +she said; "I'm afraid it might bring me bad luck, and, besides, I can't +wait for it, I've got several calls to make before I go home, and I +think there's a storm coming." She shivered. "I'm quite cold."</p> + +<p>Miss Ormond said that must be the effect of the crystal, as the +afternoon was still oppressively hot.</p> + +<p>Goring caught up with Mrs. Stewart in the gravel drive outside the house +and walked through Kensington Gardens with her. It seemed to them both +quite natural that they should be walking together, and their talk was +in the vein of old friends who have met after a long separation rather +than in that of new acquaintances. When he left her and turned to walk +across Hyde Park towards Westminster, he examined his impressions and +perceived that he was in a state of mind foreign to his nature, and +therefore the butt of his ridicule; a state in which, if he and Mrs. +Stewart had been unmarried persons, he would have said to himself, "That +is the woman I shall marry." It would not have been a passion or an +emotion that would have made him say that; it would have been a +conviction. As it was, the thing was absurd. Cochrane had told him, half +in jest, that Mrs. Stewart was a breaker of hearts, but had not hinted +that her own was on the market. Her appearance made it surely an +interesting question whether she had a heart at all.</p> + +<p>And for himself? He hated to think of his marriage, because he +recognized in it the fatal "little spot" in the yet ungarnered fruit of +his life.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">[248]</a></span> He was only thirty, but he had been married seven years and +had two children, both of them the image of all the Barthops that had +ever been, except his own father. In moments of depression he saw +himself through all the coming years being gradually broken, crushed +under a weight of Barthops—father-in-law, wife and children—moulded +into a thin semblance of a Marquis of Ipswich, a bastard Marquis. No one +but himself knew the weakness of his character—explosive, audacious in +alarums or excursions, but without the something, call it strength or +hardness or stupidity, which enables the man or woman possessing it to +resist constant domestic pressure—the unconscious pressure of radically +opposed character. The crowd applauds the marriage of such opposites +because their side almost always wins; partly by its own weight and +partly by their weight behind. But the truth is that two beings opposed +in emotional temperament and mental processes are only a few degrees +more able to help and understand each other in the close union of +marriage than the two personalities of Milly Stewart in the closer union +of her body.</p> + +<p>From one point of view it was Goring's fatal weakness to have a real +affection for his father-in-law, who was a pattern of goodness and +good-breeding. Consequently, that very morning he had promised Lord +Ipswich to walk in the straightest way of the party, for one year at +least; and if he must slap faces, to select them on the other side of +the House. Nevertheless, if he really wished to give sincere +gratification to Lord Ipswich and to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">[249]</a></span> dear Augusta, he must needs give +up his capricious and offensive tactics altogether. These things might +give him a temporary notoriety in the House and country, but they were +not in the traditions of the Ipswich family, which had held a high place +in politics for two hundred years. The Marquis said that he had always +tried to make George feel that he was received as a true son of the +family and heir of its best traditions, if not of its name. There had +been a great deal of good faith on both sides. Yet now a solitary young +man, looking well in the frock-coat and tall hat of convention, might +have been observed stopping and striking the gravel viciously as he +reflected on the political future which his father-in-law was mapping +out for him.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">[250]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXVI</h2> + + +<p>Sir James Carus, the well-known scientist, had for some time been +employing Miss Timson in the capacity of assistant, and spoke highly of +her talents. She began to have a reputation in scientific circles, and +owing to her duties with Carus she could not come to the Stewarts' as +often as she had formerly done. But she preserved her habit of +dismissing the parlor-maid at the door and creeping up to the +drawing-room like a thief in the night.</p> + +<p>On the day following Sir Cyril Meres's luncheon-party she arrived in her +usual fashion. The windows were shaded against the afternoon sun, but +the sky was now overcast, and such a twilight reigned within that at +first she could distinguish little, and the drawing-room seemed to her +to be empty. But in a minute she discerned a white figure supine in a +large arm-chair—Mildred, and asleep.</p> + +<p>She had a writing-board on her knee, and a hand resting on it still held +a stylograph. She must have dozed over her writing; yet she did not stir +when her name was uttered. Tims noticed a peculiar stillness in her, a +something almost inanimate in her attitude and countenance, which +suggested that this was no ordinary siesta. The idea that Milly<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">[251]</a></span> might +even now be resurgent fluttered Tims's pulses with a mixed emotion.</p> + +<p>"Good old Milly! Poor old girl!" she breathed to the white figure in the +arm-chair. "Don't be in a hurry! You won't find it all beer and skittles +when you're here."</p> + +<p>It seemed to her that a slight convulsion passed over the sleeper's +face.</p> + +<p>Tims seated herself on a low chair, in the attitude of certain gargoyles +that crouch under the eaves of old churches, elbows on knees, chin on +hands, and fixed her eyes in silence on her silent companion. In spite +of her work along the acknowledged lines of science, she had pursued her +hypnotic studies furtively, half in scorn and half in fear of her +scientific brethren. What would she not have given to be enabled to +watch, to comprehend the changes passing within that human form so close +to her that she could see its every external detail, could touch it by +the out-stretching of a hand! But its inner shrine, its secret place, +remained barred against those feeble implements of sense with which +nature has provided the explorative human intelligence. Its content was +more mysterious, more inaccessible than that of the remotest star which +yields the secret of its substance to the spectroscope of the +astronomer.</p> + +<p>Tims's thoughts had forsaken the personal side of the question, when she +was recalled to it by seeing the right hand in which the stylograph had +been lying begin to twitch, the fingers to contract. There was no +answering movement in the face—even<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">[252]</a></span> when the sleeper at length firmly +grasped the pen and suddenly sat up. Tims rose quickly, and then +perceived, lying on the writing-board, a directed envelope and a +half-finished note to herself. She slipped the note-paper nearer to the +twitching hand, and after a few meaningless flourishes, it wrote slowly +and tentatively:</p> + +<p>"Tims—Milly—cannot get back. Help me ... Save Ian. Wicked creature—no +conscience—"</p> + +<p>Here the power of the hand began to fail, and the writing was terminated +by mere scrawls. The sleeper's eyes were now open, but not wide. They +had a strange, glassy look in them, nor did she show any consciousness +of Tims's presence. She dropped the pen, folded the paper in the same +slow and tentative manner in which she had written upon it, and placed +it in the directed envelope lying there. Then her face contracted, her +fingers slackened, and she fell back again to the depths of the chair.</p> + +<p>"Milly!" cried Tims, almost involuntarily bending over her. "Milly!"</p> + +<p>Again there was a slight contraction of the face and of the whole body.</p> + +<p>At the moment that Tims uttered Milly's name, Ian was entering the room. +His long legs brought him up to the chair in an instant, and he asked, +without the usual salutation:</p> + +<p>"What's the matter? Has—has the change happened?"</p> + +<p>His voice unconsciously spoke dismay. Tims looked at him.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">[253]</a></span></p> + +<p>"No, not exactly," she articulated, slowly; and, after a pause: "Poor +old Milly's trying to come back, that's all."</p> + +<p>She paused again; then:</p> + +<p>"You look a bit worried, old man."</p> + +<p>He tossed back his head with a gesture he had kept from the days when +the crest of raven-black hair had been wont to grow too long and +encroach on his forehead. It was grizzled now, and much less intrusive.</p> + +<p>"I'm about tired out," he said, shortly.</p> + +<p>"Look here," she continued, "if you really want Milly back, just say so. +She's kind of knocking at the door, and I believe I could let her in if +I tried."</p> + +<p>He dropped wearily into a chair.</p> + +<p>"For Heaven's sake, Miss Timson, don't put the responsibility on me!"</p> + +<p>"I can't help it," returned Tims. "She's managed to get this through to +me—" She handed Milly's scrawled message to Ian.</p> + +<p>He read it, then read it again and handed it back.</p> + +<p>"Strange, certainly."</p> + +<p>"Does it mean anything in particular?"</p> + +<p>He shrugged his shoulders almost impatiently and sighed.</p> + +<p>"Oh no! It's the poor child's usual cry when she's here. She's got it +into her head that the self she doesn't know is frightfully wicked, and +makes me miserable. I've tried over and over again to convince her, but +it's all nonsense."</p> + +<p>He thought to himself: "She is coming back still<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">[254]</a></span> full of this mortal, +heart-rending jealousy, and we shall have more painful scenes."</p> + +<p>"Well, it's your business to say what I'm to do," insisted Tims. "I +don't think she'd have troubled to write if she'd found she could get +back altogether without my help; but the other one's grown a bit too +strong for her. Do you want Milly back?"</p> + +<p>The remorseless Tims forced on Ian a plain question which in his own +mind he habitually sought to evade. He leaned back and shaded his eyes +with his hand. After a silence he spoke, low, as if with effort:</p> + +<p>"I can't honestly say I want the change to happen just now, Miss Timson. +It means a great deal of agitation, a thorough upheaval of everything. +We have an extremely troublesome business on at the Merchants' +Guild—I've just come away from a four hours' meeting; and upon my word +I don't think I can stand a—domestic revolution at the same time. It +would utterly unfit me for my work."</p> + +<p>He did not add that he had been looking forward to receiving helpful +counsel from Mildred, with her clear common-sense, seasoned with wit.</p> + +<p>Tims wagged her head and stared in his face.</p> + +<p>"Poor old M.!" she ejaculated, slowly.</p> + +<p>Miss Timson still possessed the rare power of irritating Ian Stewart. He +grew restive.</p> + +<p>"I suppose I am a selfish brute. Men always are, aren't they? But, after +all, my wife enjoys life in her present state at least as much as she +does in the other."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">[255]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Not for the same reason, dear boy," returned Tims. "Old M., bless her, +just lives for you. You don't imagine, do you, that Mildred cares about +you like that?"</p> + +<p>Ian flushed slightly, and his face hardened.</p> + +<p>"One can't very well discuss one's wife's feeling for one's self," he +said. "I believe I have every reason to be happy, however things are. +And I very much doubt, Miss Timson, whether you can really effect the +change in her in any way. At any rate, I'd rather you didn't try, +please. I'll have her moved to her room, where she'll most likely sleep +till to-morrow."</p> + +<p>Tims bent over the sleeper. Then:</p> + +<p>"I don't believe she will, somehow. You'd better leave her with me for +the present, and I'll let you know if anything happens."</p> + +<p>He obeyed, and in a minute she heard the front door close after him. +Tims sat down in the chair which he had vacated.</p> + +<p>"Poor old M.!" she ejaculated again, presently, and added: "What idiots +men are! All except old Carus and Mr. Fitzallan. He's sensible enough."</p> + +<p>Her thoughts wandered away, until they were recalled by the door opening +a mere chink to let a child slip into the room—a slim, tall child, in a +blue smock—Tony. His thick, dark hair was cropped boywise now, and the +likeness of the beautiful, sensitive child face to Ian's was more +marked. It was evident that in him there was to be no blending of +strains, but an exact reproduction of the paternal type.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">[256]</a></span></p> + +<p>Tims was in his eyes purely a comic character, but the ready grin with +which he usually greeted her was replaced to-day by a little, +inattentive smile. He went past her and stood by the sofa, looking +fixedly at his mother with a grave mouth and a slight frown on his +forehead. At length he turned away, and was about to leave the room as +quietly as he had come, when Tims brought him to a stand-still at her +knee. He held up an admonishing finger.</p> + +<p>"Sh! Don't you wake my Mummy, or Daddy 'll be angry with you."</p> + +<p>"We sha'n't wake her; she's too fast asleep. Tell me why you looked so +solemnly at her just now, Tony?"</p> + +<p>Tony, his hands held fast, wriggled, rubbed his shoulder against his +ear, and for all answer laughed in a childish, silly way. Such is the +depth and secretiveness of children, whom we call transparent.</p> + +<p>"Did you think Mummy was dead?"</p> + +<p>"What's 'dead'?" asked Tony, with interest, putting off his mask of +inanity.</p> + +<p>"People are dead when they've gone to sleep and will never wake again," +returned Tims.</p> + +<p>Tony thought a minute; then his dark eyes grew very large. He whispered +slowly, as though with difficulty formulating his ideas:</p> + +<p>"Doesn't they <i>never</i> wake? Doesn't they wake up after ever so long, +when peoples can't remember everything—and it makes them want to cry, +only grown-up people aren't 'lowed?"</p> + +<p>Tims was puzzled. But even in her bewilderment<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_257" id="Page_257">[257]</a></span> it occurred to her that +if poor Milly should return, she would be distressed to find in what a +slovenly manner Tony was allowed to express himself.</p> + +<p>"I don't know what you mean, Tony. Say it again and put it more +clearly."</p> + +<p>Tims had around her neck a necklace composed of casts of coins in the +British Museum. She did not usually wear ornaments, because she +possessed none, except a hair-bracelet, two brooches, and a large gold +cross which had belonged to her late aunt. Tony's soft, slender fingers +went to the necklace, and ignoring her question, he asked: "Why have you +got these funny things round your neck, Auntie Tims?"</p> + +<p>"They're not funny. They're beautiful—copies of money which the old +Greeks used to use. A gentleman gave it to me." Tims spoke with a grand +carelessness. "I dare say if you're a good boy he'll tell you stories +about them himself some day. But I want you to explain what it was you +meant to say about dead people. Dead people don't come back, you know."</p> + +<p>Tony touched her hand, which lay open on her knee, and played with the +fingers a minute. Then raising his eyes he said, plaintively:</p> + +<p>"I do so want my tea."</p> + +<p>Once more he had wiped the conversational slate, and the baffled Tims +dismissed him. He opened the door a little and slipped out; put his dark +head in again with an engaging smile, said politely, "I sha'n't be away +<i>very</i> long," and closed the door softly behind him. For that soft +closing of the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_258" id="Page_258">[258]</a></span> door was one of the things poor Milly had taught him +which the little 'peoples' did contrive to remember.</p> + +<p>The sleeper now began to stir slightly in her sleep, and before Tony's +somewhat prolonged tea was over, she sat up and looked about her.</p> + +<p>"Is that Tims?" she asked, in a colorless voice.</p> + +<p>"Yes—is it you, Milly?"</p> + +<p>"No. What makes you think so?"</p> + +<p>"Milly's been trying to come back. I suppose she couldn't manage it."</p> + +<p>"Ah!"—there was a deep satisfaction in Mildred's tone now; "I thought +she couldn't!"</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_259" id="Page_259">[259]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXVII</h2> + + +<p>George Goring and Mildred Stewart did not move in the same social set, +but their sets had points of contact, and it was at these that Goring +was now most likely to be found; especially at the pleasant bachelor +house on Campden Hill. Mrs. Stewart walked in the Park every morning at +an unfashionable hour, and sometimes, yet not too often for discretion, +Goring happened to be walking there too. All told, their meetings were +not very numerous, nor very private. But every half-hour they spent in +each other's company seemed to do the work of a month of intimacy.</p> + +<p>July hastened to an end, but an autumn Session brought Goring up to town +in November, and three months of absence found him and Mildred still at +the same point. Sir Cyril Meres was already beginning to plan his +wonderful <i>tableaux-vivants</i>, which, however, did not come off until +February. The extraordinary imitative talent which his artistic career +had been one long struggle to disguise, was for once to be allowed full +play. The <i>tableaux</i> were to represent paintings by certain +fellow-artists and friends; not actual pictures by them, but pictures +which they might have painted, and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_260" id="Page_260">[260]</a></span> the supposed authors were allowed a +right of veto or criticism.</p> + +<p>A stage of Renaissance design, which did not jar with the surrounding +architecture, was erected in the depth of the portico at the end of the +Hellenic room.</p> + +<p>The human material at Meres's command was physically admirable. He had +long been the chosen portrait-painter of wealth and fashion, and there +was not a beauty in Society, with the biggest "S," who was not delighted +to lend her charms for his purpose. The young men might grumble for +form's sake, but at the bottom of their hearts they were equally +sensible to the compliment of being asked to appear. It was when it came +to the moulding of the material for artistic purposes, that the trouble +began. The English have produced great actors, but in the bulk they have +little natural aptitude for the stage; and what they have is discouraged +by a social training which strains after the ideal composure, the few +movements, the glassy eye of a waxwork. Only a small and chosen number, +it is true, fully attain that ideal; but when we see them we recognize +with a start, almost with a shudder, that it is there, the perfection of +our deportment.</p> + +<p>Cyril Meres was, however, an admirable stage-manager, exquisite in tact, +in temper, and urbane patience. The results of his prolonged training +were wonderful; yet again and again he found it impossible to carry out +his idea without placing his cousin Mrs. Stewart at the vital point of +his picture.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_261" id="Page_261">[261]</a></span> She was certainly not the most physically beautiful woman +there, but she was unrivalled by any other in the grace, the variety, +the meaning of her gestures, the dramatic transformations of her +countenance. She was Pandora, she was Hope, she was Lady Hammerton, she +was the Vampire, and she was the Queen of Faerie.</p> + +<p>There is jealousy on the amateur stage as well as on the professional, +and ladies of social position, accustomed to see their beauty lauded in +the newspapers, saw no reason why Mrs. Stewart should be thrust to the +front of half of the pictures. Lady Langham, the "smart" Socialist, with +whom George Goring had flirted last season, to Lady Augusta's real +dismay, was the leading rival candidate for Mildred's rôles. But Lady +Langham never guessed that Mrs. Stewart was the cause of George Goring's +disappearance from the list of her admirers, and she still had hopes of +his return.</p> + +<p>The <i>tableaux</i> were a brilliant success. Ian was there on the first +evening, so was Lady Augusta Goring. Lady Langham, peeping through the +curtains, saw her, and swept the horizon—that is, the circle of black +coats around the walls—in vain for George Goring. Then Lady Augusta +became audible, saying that in the present state of affairs in the House +it was quite impossible for Mr. Goring to leave it, even for dinner, on +that evening or the next. Nevertheless, on the next evening, Lady +Langham espied George Goring in the act of taking a vacant chair near +the front, next to a social <i>protégée</i> of her own. She turned and +mentioned<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_262" id="Page_262">[262]</a></span> the fact to a friend, who smiled meaningly and remarked, "In +spite of Lady Augusta's whip!"</p> + +<p>Mildred, passing, caught the information, the comment, the smile. During +the rehearsals for the <i>tableaux</i>, she had heard people coupling the +names of Goring and Lady Langham, not seriously, yet seriously enough +for her. A winged shaft of jealousy pierced at once her heart and her +pride. Was she allowing her whole inner life to be shaken, dissolved by +the passing admiration of a flirt? Her intimate self had assurance that +it was not so; but sometimes a colder wind, blowing she knew not whence, +or the lash of a chance word, threw her into the attitude of a chance +observer, one who sees, guesses, does not know.</p> + +<p>Meantime George Goring had flung himself down in the only vacant chair +he could see, and careless of the brilliant company about him, careless +even of the face of Aphrodite herself, smiling divinely, unconcerned +with human affairs, from a far corner he waited for the curtain to go +up. His neighbor spoke. She had met him at the Langhams last season. +What a pity he had just missed Lady Langham's great <i>tableau</i>, "Helen +before the Elders of Troy"! There was no one to be compared to Maud +Langham, so beautiful, so clever! She would have made her fortune if she +had gone on the stage. Goring gave the necessary assent.</p> + +<p>The curtain went up, exhibiting a picture called "The Vampire." It was +smaller than most and shown by a curious pale light. A fair young girl +was lying in a deep sleep on a curtained bed, and hov<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_263" id="Page_263">[263]</a></span>ering, crawling +over her with a deadly, serpentine grace, was a white figure wrapped in +a veiling garment that might have been a shroud. Out of white cerements +showed a trail of yellow hair and a face alabaster white, save for the +lips that were blood red—an intent face with a kind of terrible beauty, +yet instinct with cruelty. One slender, bloodless hand was in the girl's +hair, and, even without the title, it would have been plain that there +was a deadly purpose in that creeping figure.</p> + +<p>"Isn't it horrid?" whispered Goring's neighbor. "Fancy that Mrs. Stewart +letting herself be made to look so dreadful!"</p> + +<p>"Who?" asked Goring, horrified. He had not recognized Mildred.</p> + +<p>"Why, the girl on the bed's Gertrude Waters, and the Vampire's a cousin +of Sir Cyril Meres. A horrid little woman some people admire, but I +shouldn't think any one would after this. I call it disgusting, don't +you?"</p> + +<p>"It's horrible!" gasped George; "it oughtn't to be allowed. What does +that fellow Meres mean by inventing such deviltries? By Jove, I should +like to thrash him!"</p> + +<p>The neighbor stared. It was all very well to be horrified at Mrs. +Stewart, but why this particular form of horror?</p> + +<p>"Please call me when it's over," said Goring, putting his head down +between his hands.</p> + +<p>What an eccentric young man he was! But clever people often were +eccentric.</p> + +<p>In due course the <i>tableau</i> was over, and to the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_264" id="Page_264">[264]</a></span> relief of one +spectator at least, it was not encored. The next was some harmless +domestic scene with people in short waists. George Goring looked in vain +for Mildred among them, longing to see her, the real lovely her, and +forget the horrible thing she had portrayed. Lady Langham was there, and +his neighbor commended her tediously, convinced of pleasing.</p> + +<p>There followed a large and very beautiful picture in the manner of a +great English Pre-Raphaelite. This was called "Thomas the Rhymer, +meeting with the Faerie Queen," but it did not follow the description of +the ballad. The Faerie Queen, a figure of a Botticellian grace, was +coming, with all her fellowship, out of a wonderful pinewood, while +Thomas the Rhymer, handsome and young and lean and brown, his harp +across his back, had just crossed a mountain-stream by a rough bridge. +He appeared suddenly to have beheld her, pausing above him before +descending the heathery bank that edged the wood; and looking in her +face, to have entered at once into the land of Faerie. The pose, the +figure, the face of the Faerie Queen were of the most exquisite charm +and beauty, touched with a something of romance and mystery that no +other woman there except Mildred could have lent it. The youth who +personated Thomas the Rhymer was temporarily in love with Mrs. Stewart +and acted his part with intense expression. Goring, shading his eyes +with his hand, fixed them upon her as long as he dared; then glanced at +the Rhymer and was angry. He turned to his chattering neighbor and +asked:<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_265" id="Page_265">[265]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Who's the chap doing Thomas? Looks as if he wanted a wash."</p> + +<p>"I don't know. Nobody particular, I should think. Wasn't it a pity they +didn't have Lady Langham for the Faerie Queen? I do call it absurd the +way Sir Cyril Meres has put that pert, insignificant cousin of his +forward in quite half the pictures—and when he might have had Maud +Langham."</p> + +<p>Goring threw himself back in his chair and laughed his quite loud laugh.</p> + +<p>"'A mad world, my masters,'" he quoted.</p> + +<p>His neighbor took this for Mr. Goring's eccentric way of approving her +sentiments. But what he really meant was: What a strange masquerade is +the world! This neighbor of his, so ordinary, so desirous to please, +would have shuddered at the notion of hinting to him the patent fact +that Lady Augusta Goring was a tiring woman; while she pressed upon him +laudations of a person to whom he was perfectly indifferent, mingled +with insulting comments on the only woman in the world for him—the +woman who was his world, without whom nothing was; on her whose very +name, even on these silly, hostile lips, gave him a strong sensation, +whether of pain or pleasure he could hardly tell.</p> + +<p>After the performance he constrained himself to go the round of the +ladies of his acquaintance who had been acting and compliment them +cleverly and with good taste. Lady Langham of course seized the lion's +share of his company and his compliments. He seemed to address only a +few remarks of the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_266" id="Page_266">[266]</a></span> same nature to Mrs. Stewart, but he had watched his +opportunity and was able to say to her:</p> + +<p>"I must leave in a quarter of an hour at latest. Please let me drive you +back. You won't say no?"</p> + +<p>There was a pleading note in the last phrase and his eyes met hers +gravely, anxiously. It was evident that she must answer immediately, +while their neighbors' attention was distracted from them. She was pale +before under her stage make-up, and now she grew still paler.</p> + +<p>"Thanks. I told Cousin Cyril I was tired and shouldn't stay long. I'll +go and change at once."</p> + +<p>Then Thomas the Rhymer was at her elbow again, bringing her something +for which she had sent him.</p> + +<p>The green-room, in which she resumed the old white lace evening-dress +that she had worn to dine with her cousin, was strewn with the delicate +underclothing, the sumptuous wraps and costly knick-knacks of wealthy +women. She had felt ashamed, as she had undressed there, of her own poor +little belongings among these; and ashamed to be so ashamed. As she had +seen her garments overswept by the folds of the fair Socialist's white +velvet mantle, lined with Arctic fox and clasped with diamonds, she had +smiled ironically at the juxtaposition. Since circumstances and her own +gifts had drawn her into the stream of the world, she had been more and +more conscious, however unwillingly, of a longing for luxuries, for rich +settings to her beauty, for some stage upon which her brilliant +personality might shine uplifted, secure. For she seemed to herself +sometimes like a tumbler<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_267" id="Page_267">[267]</a></span> at a fair, struggling in the crowd for a space +in which to spread his carpet. Now—George Goring loved her. Let the +others keep their furs and laces and gewgaws, their great fortunes or +great names. Yet if it had been possible for her to take George Goring's +love, he could have given her most of these things as well.</p> + +<p>Wrapped in a gauzy white scarf, she seemed to float rather than walk +down the stairs into the hall, where Thomas the Rhymer was lingering, in +the hope of finding an excuse to escort her home. She was pale, with a +clear, beautiful pallor, a strange smile was on her lips and her eyes +shone like stars. The Queen of Faerie had looked less lovely, meeting +him on the edge of the wood. She nodded him good-night and passed +quickly on into the porch. With a boyish pang he saw her vanish, not +into the darkness of night, but into the blond interior of a smart +brougham. A young man, also smart—her husband, for aught he +knew—paused on the step to give orders to the coachman, and followed +her in. A moment he saw her dimly, in the glare of carriage-lamps, a +white vision, half eclipsed by the black silhouette of the man at her +side; then they glided away over the crunching gravel of the drive, into +the fiery night of London.</p> + +<p>"Do you really think it went off well?" she asked, as they passed +through the gates into the street. George was taking off his hat and +putting it down on the little shelf opposite. He leaned back and was +silent a few seconds; then starting forward, laid his hand upon her +knee.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_268" id="Page_268">[268]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Don't let's waste time like that, Mildred," he said—and although he +had never called her so before, it seemed natural that he should—"we +haven't got much. You know, don't you, why I asked you to drive with +me?"</p> + +<p>She in her turn was silent a moment, then meeting his eyes:</p> + +<p>"Yes," she said, quite simply and courageously.</p> + +<p>"I thought you could hardly help seeing I loved you, however blind other +people might be."</p> + +<p>Her head was turned away again and she looked out of the window, as she +answered in a voice that tried to be light:</p> + +<p>"But it isn't of any consequence, is it? I suppose you're always in love +with somebody or other."</p> + +<p>"Is that what people told you about me?"—and it was new and wonderful +to her to hear George Goring speak with this calmness and +gravity—"You've not been long in the world, little girl, or you'd know +how much to believe of what's said there."</p> + +<p>"No," she answered, in turn becoming calm and deliberate. "When I come +to think of it, people only say that women generally like you and that +you flirt with them. I—I invented the rest."</p> + +<p>"But, good Heavens! Why?" There was a note of pain and wonder in his +voice.</p> + +<p>She paused, and his hand moved under her cloak to be laid on the two +slender hands clasped on her lap.</p> + +<p>"I suppose I was jealous," she said.</p> + +<p>He smiled.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_269" id="Page_269">[269]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Absurd child! But I'm a bit of an ass that way myself. I was jealous of +Thomas the Rhymer this evening."</p> + +<p>"That brat!"</p> + +<p>She laughed low, the sweet laugh that was like no one else's. It was +past midnight and the streets were comparatively quiet and dark, but at +that moment they were whirled into a glare of strong light. They looked +in each other's eyes in silence, his hand tightening its hold upon hers. +Then again they plunged into wavering dimness, and he resumed, gravely +and calmly as before, but bending nearer her.</p> + +<p>"If I weren't anxious to tell you the exact truth, to avoid +exaggeration, I should say I fell in love with you the first time I met +you. It seems to me now as though it had been so. And the second +time—you remember it was one very hot day last July, when we both +lunched with Meres—I hadn't the least doubt that if I had been free and +you also, I should have left no stone unturned to get you for my wife."</p> + +<p>Every word was sweet to her, yet she answered sombrely:</p> + +<p>"But we are not free."</p> + +<p>He, disregarding the answer, went on:</p> + +<p>"You love me, as I love you?"</p> + +<p>"As you love me, dearest; and from the first."</p> + +<p>A minute's silence, while the hands held each other fast. Then low, +triumphantly, he exclaimed: "Well?"</p> + +<p>Her slim hands began to flutter a little in his as she answered all that +that "Well" implied.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_270" id="Page_270">[270]</a></span></p> + +<p>"It's impossible, dear. It's no use arguing about it. It's just waste of +time—and we've only got this little time."</p> + +<p>"To do what? To make love in? Dear, we've got all our lives if we +please. We've both made a tremendous mistake, we've both got a chance +now of going back on it, of setting our lives right again, making them +better indeed than we ever dreamed of their being. We inflict some loss +on other people—no loss comparable to our gain—we hurt them chiefly +because of their bloated ideas of their claims on us. I know you've +weighed things, have no prejudices. Rules, systems, are made for types +and classes, not for us. You belong to no type, Mildred. I belong to no +class."</p> + +<p>She answered low, painfully:</p> + +<p>"It's true I am unlike other people; that's the very reason, why—I—I'm +not good to love." There was a low utterance that was music in her ears, +yet she continued: "Then, dear friend, think of your career, ruined for +me, by me. You might be happy for a while, then you'd regret it."</p> + +<p>"That's where you're wrong. My career? A rotten little game, these House +of Commons party politics, when you get into it! The big things go on +outside them; there's all the world outside them. Anyhow, my career, as +I planned it, is ruined already. The Ipswich gang have collared me; I +can't call my tongue my own, Mildred. Think of that!"</p> + +<p>She smiled faintly.</p> + +<p>"Temporary, George! You'll soon have your head up—and your tongue +out."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_271" id="Page_271">[271]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Oh, from time to time, I presume, I shall always be the Horrid Vulgar +Boy of those poor Barthops; I shall kick like a galvanized frog long +after I'm dead. But—I wouldn't confess it to any one but you, dear—I'm +not strong enough to stand against the everlasting pressure that's +brought to bear upon me. You know what I mean, don't you?"</p> + +<p>"Yes. You'll be no good if you let the originality be squeezed out of +you. Don't allow it."</p> + +<p>"Nothing can prevent it—unless the Faerie Queen will stretch out her +dearest, sweetest hands to me and lead me, poor mortal, right away into +the wide world, into some delightful country where there's plenty of +love and no politics. I want love so much, Mildred; I've never had it, +and no one has ever guessed how much I wanted it except you, +dear—except you."</p> + +<p>Yes, she had guessed. The queer childhood, so noisy yet so lonely, had +been spoken of; the married life spoke for itself.</p> + +<p>His arm was around her now, their faces drawn close together, and in the +pale, faint light they looked each other deep in the eyes. Then their +lips met in a long kiss.</p> + +<p>"You see how it is," he whispered; "you can't help it. It's got to be. +No one has power to prevent it."</p> + +<p>But he spoke without knowledge, for there was one who had power to +prevent it, one conquered, helpless, less than a ghost, who yet could +lay an icy hand on the warm, high-beating heart of her subduer, and say: +"Love and desire, the pride of life<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_272" id="Page_272">[272]</a></span> and the freedom of the world, are +not for you. I forbid them to you—I—by a power stronger than the laws +of God or man. True, you have no husband, you have no child, for those +who seem to be yours are mine. You have taken them from me, and now you +must keep them, whether you will or no. You have taken my life from me, +and my life you must have, that and none other."</p> + +<p>It was against this unknown and inflexible power that George Goring +struggled with all the might of his love, and absolutely in vain. +Between him and Mildred there could be no lies, no subterfuges; only +that one silence which to him, of all others, she dared not break.</p> + +<p>She seemed to have been engaged in this struggle, at once so sweet and +so bitter, for an eternity before she stood on her own doorstep, +latch-key in hand.</p> + +<p>"Good-night, Mr. Goring. So much obliged for the lift."</p> + +<p>"Delighted, I'm sure. All right now? Good-night. Drop me at the House, +Edwards."</p> + +<p>He lifted his hat, stepped in and closed the carriage-door sharply +behind him; and in a minute the brougham with its lights rolling almost +noiselessly behind the big fast-trotting bay horse, had disappeared +around a neighboring corner.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> + +<p>The house was cold and dark, except for a candle which burned on an oak +dresser in the narrow hall. As Mildred dragged herself up the stairs, +she had a sensation of physical fatigue, almost bruisedness, as though +she had come out of some actual bodily<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_273" id="Page_273">[273]</a></span> combat. Her room, fireless and +cold, was solitary, for Ian's sleep had to be protected from +disturbance. Nevertheless, having loosened her wraps, she threw herself +on the bed and lay there long, her bare arms under her head. The +sensation of chill, her own cold soft flesh against her face, seemed to +brace her mind and body, to restore her powers of clear, calm judgment, +so unlike the usual short-sighted, emotionalized judgments of youth. She +had nothing of the ordinary woman's feeling of guilt towards her +husband. The intimate bond between herself and George Goring did not +seem in any relation the accidental one between her and Ian Stewart. She +had never before faced the question, the possibility of a choice between +the two. Now she weighed it with characteristic swiftness and decision. +She reasoned that Ian had enjoyed a period of great happiness in his +marriage with her, in spite of the singularity of its conditions; but +that now, while Milly could never satisfy his fastidious nature, she +herself had grown to be a hinderance, a dissonance in his life. Could +she strike a blow which would sever him from her, he would suffer +cruelly, no doubt; but it would send him back again to the student's +life, the only life that could bring him honor, and in the long run +satisfaction. And that life would not be lonely, because Tony, so +completely his father's child, would be with him. As for herself and +George Goring, she had no fear of the future. They two were strong +enough to hew and build alone their own Palace of Delight. Her intuitive +knowledge of the world informed her that,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_274" id="Page_274">[274]</a></span> in the long run, society, if +firmly disregarded, admits the claim of certain persons to go their own +way—even rapidly admits it, though they be the merest bleating strays +from the common fold, should they haply be possessed of rank or fortune. +The way lay plain enough before Mildred, were it not for that Other. But +she, the shadowy one, deep down in her limbo, laid a finger on the gate +of that Earthly Paradise and held it, as inflexibly as any armed +archangel, against the master key of her enemy's intelligence, the +passionate assaults of her heart.</p> + +<p>Mildred, however, was one who found it hard, if not impossible, to +acquiesce in defeat. Two o'clock boomed from the watching towers of +Westminster over the great city. She rose from her bed, cold as a marble +figure on a monument, and went to the dressing-table to take off her few +and simple ornaments. The mirror on it was the same from which that +alien smile had peered twelve months ago, filling the sad soul of Milly +with trembling fear and sinister foreboding. The white face that stole +into its shadowy depths to-night, and looked Mildred in the eyes, was in +a manner new to her also. It had a new seriousness, a new intensity, as +of a woman whose vital energies, once spending themselves in mere +corruscations, in mere action for action's sake, were now concentrated +on one definite thought, one purpose, one emotion, which with an intense +yet benign fire blended in perfect harmony the life of the soul and of +the body.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_275" id="Page_275">[275]</a></span></p> + +<p>For a moment the face in its gravity recalled to her the latest +photograph of Milly, a tragic photograph she did not care to look at +because it touched her with a pity, a remorse, which were after all +quite useless. But the impression was false and momentary.</p> + +<p>"No," she said, speaking to the glass, "it's not really like. Poor weak +woman! I understand better now what you have suffered." Then almost +repeating the words of her own cruel subconscious self—"But there's all +the difference between the weak and the strong. I am the stronger, and +the stronger must win; that's written, and it's no use struggling +against the law of nature."</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_276" id="Page_276">[276]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXVIII</h2> + + +<p>George Goring was never so confident in himself as when he was fighting +an apparently losing game; and the refusal of Mildred to come to him, a +refusal based, as he supposed, on nothing but an insurmountable +prejudice against doing what was not respectable, struck him as a stage +in their relations rather than as the end of them. He did not attempt to +see her until the close of the Easter Vacation. People began to couple +their names, but lightly, without serious meaning, for Goring being +popular with women, had a somewhat exaggerated reputation as a flirt. +When a faithful cousin hinted things about him and Mrs. Stewart to Lady +Augusta, she who believed herself to have seen a number of similar +temporary enslavers, put the matter by, really glad that a harmless +nobody should have succeeded to Maud Langham with her dangerous +opinions.</p> + +<p>Ian Stewart on his side was barely acquainted with Goring. Sir John +Ireton and the newspapers informed him that George Goring was a flashy, +untrustworthy politician; and the former added that he was a terrible +nuisance to poor Lord Ipswich and Lady Augusta. That such a man could +attract Mildred would never have occurred to him.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_277" id="Page_277">[277]</a></span></p> + +<p>The fear of Milly's return, which she could not altogether banish, still +at times checked and restrained Mildred. Could she but have secured +Tims's assistance in keeping Milly away, she would have felt more +confident of success. It was hopeless to appeal directly to the +hypnotist, but her daring imagination began to conceive a situation in +which mere good sense and humanity must compel Tims to forbid the return +of Milly to a life made impossible for her. She had not seen Tims for +many weeks, not since the Easter Vacation, which had already receded +into a remote distance; so far had she journeyed since then along the +path of her fate. Nor had she so much as wondered at not seeing Tims. +But now her mind was turned to consider the latent power which that +strange creature held over her life, her dearest interests; since how +might not Milly comport herself with George?</p> + +<p>Then it was that she realized how long it had been since Tims had crept +up the stairs to her drawing-room; pausing probably in the middle of +them to wipe away with hasty pocket-handkerchief some real or fancied +trace of her foot on a carpet which she condemned as expensive.</p> + +<p>Mildred had written her a note, but it was hardly posted when the door +was flung open and Miss Timson was formally announced by the +parlor-maid. Tony, who was looking at pictures with his mother, rose +from her side, prepared to take a hop, skip, and jump and land with his +arms around Tims's waist. But he stopped short and contemplated her<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_278" id="Page_278">[278]</a></span> +with round-eyed solemnity. The ginger-colored man's wig had developed +into a frizzy fringe and the rest of the coiffure of the hour. A large +picture hat surmounted it, and her little person was clothed in a vivid +heliotrope dress of the latest mode. It was a handsome dress, a handsome +hat, a handsome wig, yet somehow the effect was jarring. Tony felt +vaguely shocked. "Bless thee! Thou art translated!" he might have cried +with Quince; but being a polite child, he said nothing, only put out a +small hand sadly. Tims, however, unconscious of the slight chill cast by +her appearance, kissed him in a perfunctory, patronizing way, as ladies +do who are afraid of disarranging their veils. She greeted Mildred also +with a parade of mundane elegance, and sat down deliberately on the +sofa, spreading out her heliotrope skirts.</p> + +<p>"You can run away just now, little man," she said to Tony. "I want to +talk to your mother."</p> + +<p>"How smart you are!" observed Mildred, seeing that comment of some kind +would be welcome. "Been to Sir James Carus's big party at the Museum, I +suppose. You're getting a personage, Tims."</p> + +<p>"I dare say I shall look in later, but I shouldn't trouble to dress up +for that, my girl. Clothes would be quite wasted there. But I think one +should always try to look decent, don't you? One's men like it."</p> + +<p>Mildred smiled.</p> + +<p>"I suppose Ian would notice it if I positively wasn't decent. But, Tims, +dear, does old Carus really criticise your frocks?"<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_279" id="Page_279">[279]</a></span></p> + +<p>For indeed the distinguished scientist, Miss Timson's chief, was the +only man she could think of to whom Tims could possibly apply the +possessive adjective. Tims bridled.</p> + +<p>"Of course not; I was thinking of Mr. Fitzalan."</p> + +<p>That she had for years been very kind to a lonely little man of that +name who lived in the same block of chambers, Mildred knew, +but—Heavens! Even Mildred's presence of mind failed her, and she +stared. Meeting her amazed eye, Tims's borrowed smile suddenly broke its +bounds and became her own familiar grin, only more so:</p> + +<p>"We're engaged," she said.</p> + +<p>"My dear Tims!" exclaimed Mildred, suppressing an inclination to burst +out laughing. "What a surprise!"</p> + +<p>"I quite thought you'd have been prepared for it," returned Tims. "A bit +stupid of you not to guess it, don't you know, old girl. We've been +courting long enough."</p> + +<p>Mildred hastened to congratulate the strange bride and wish her +happiness, with all that unusual grace which she knew how to employ in +adorning the usual.</p> + +<p>"I thought I should like you to be the first to know," said Tims, +sentimentally, after a while; "because I was your bridesmaid, you see. +It was the prettiest wedding I ever saw, and I should love to have a +wedding like yours—all of us carrying lilies, you know."</p> + +<p>"I remember there were green stains on my wedding-dress," returned +Mildred, with forced gayety.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_280" id="Page_280">[280]</a></span></p> + +<p>Tims, temporarily oblivious of all awkward circumstances, continued, +still more sentimentally:</p> + +<p>"Then I was there, as I've told you, when Ian's pop came to poor old M. +Poor old girl! She was awfully spifligatingly happy, and I feel just the +same now myself."</p> + +<p>"Well, it wasn't I, anyhow, who felt 'awfully spifligatingly happy' on +that occasion," replied Mildred, with a touch of asperity in her voice.</p> + +<p>Tims, legitimately absorbed in her own feelings, did not notice it. She +continued:</p> + +<p>"I dare say the world will say Mr. Fitzalan had an eye on my money; and +it's true I've done pretty well with my investments. But, bless you! he +hadn't a notion of that. You see, I was brought up to be stingy, and I +enjoy it. He thought of course I was a pauper, and proposed we should +pauper along together. He was quite upset when he found I was an +heiress. Wasn't it sweet of him?"</p> + +<p>Mildred said it was.</p> + +<p>"Flora Fitzalan!" breathed Tims, clasping her hands and smiling into +space. "Isn't it a pretty name? It's always been my dream to have a +pretty name." Then suddenly, as though in a flash seeing all those +personal disadvantages which she usually contrived to ignore:</p> + +<p>"Life's a queer lottery, Mil, my girl. We know what we are, we know not +what we shall be, as old Billy says. Who'd ever have thought that a +nice, quiet girl like Milly, marrying the lad of her heart and all that, +would come to such awful grief; while look at me—a queer kind of girl +you'd have laid<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_281" id="Page_281">[281]</a></span> your bottom dollar wouldn't have much luck, prospering +like anything, well up in the Science business, and now, what's ever so +much better, scrumptiously happy with a good sort of her own. Upon my +word, Mil, I've half a mind to fetch old M. back to sympathize with me, +for although you've said a peck of nice things, I don't believe you +understand what I'm feeling the way the old girl would."</p> + +<p>Mildred went a little pale and spoke quickly.</p> + +<p>"You won't do that really, Tims? You won't be so cruel to—to every +one?"</p> + +<p>"I don't know. I don't see why you're always to be jolly and have +everything your own way. Oh, Lord! When I think how happy old M. was +when she was engaged, the same as I am, and then on her +wedding-day—just the same as I shall be on mine."</p> + +<p>Mildred straightened out the frill of a muslin cushion cover, her head +bent.</p> + +<p>"Just so. She had everything <i>her</i> own way that time. I gave her that +happiness, it was all my doing. She's had it and she ought to be +content. Don't be a fool, Tims—" she lifted her face and Tims was +startled by its expression—"Can't you see how hard it is on me never to +be allowed the happiness you've got and Milly's had? Don't you think I +might care to know what love is like for myself? Don't you think I might +happen to want—I tell you I'm a million times more alive than +Milly—and I want—I want everything a million times more than she +does."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_282" id="Page_282">[282]</a></span></p> + +<p>Tims was astonished.</p> + +<p>"But it's always struck me, don't you know, that Ian was a deal more in +love with you than he ever was with poor old M."</p> + +<p>"And you pretend to be in love and think that's enough! It's not enough; +you must know it's not. It's like sitting at a Barmecide feast, very +hungry, only the Barmecide's sitting opposite you eating all the time +and talking about his food. I tell you it's maddening, perfectly +maddening—" There was a fierce vehemence in her face, her voice, the +clinch of her slender hands on the muslin frill. That strong vitality +which before had seemed to carry her lightly as on wings, over all the +rough places of life, had now not failed, but turned itself inwards, +burning in an intense flame at once of pain and of rebellion against its +own pain.</p> + +<p>Tims in the midst of her happiness, felt vaguely scared. Mildred seeing +it, recovered herself and plunged into the usual engagement talk. In a +few minutes she was her old beguiling self—the self to whose charm Tims +was as susceptible in her way as Thomas the Rhymer had been in his.</p> + +<p>When she had left, and from time to time thereafter, Tims felt vaguely +uncomfortable, remembering Mildred's outburst of vehement bitterness on +the subject of love. It was so unlike her usual careless tone, which +implied that it was men's business, or weakness, to be in love with +women, and that only second-rate women fell in love themselves.</p> + +<p>Mildred seemed altogether more serious than she<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_283" id="Page_283">[283]</a></span> used to be, and Milly +herself could not have been more sympathetic over the engagement. Even +Mr. Fitzalan, when Tims brought him to call on the Stewarts was not +afraid of her, and found it possible to say a few words in reply to her +remarks. Tims's ceremonious way of speaking of her betrothed, whom she +never mentioned except as Mr. Fitzalan, made Ian reflect with sad humor +on the number of offensively familiar forms of address which he himself +had endured from her, and on the melancholy certainty that she had never +spoken of him in his absence by any name more respectful than the plain +unprefixed "Stewart." But he hoped that the excitement of her engagement +had wiped out of her remembrance that afternoon when poor Milly had +tried to return. For he did not like to think of that moment of weakness +in which he had allowed Tims to divine so much of a state of mind which +he could not unveil even to himself without a certain shame.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_284" id="Page_284">[284]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXIX</h2> + + +<p>The summer was reaching its height. The weather was perfect. Night after +night hot London drawing-rooms were crowded to suffocation, awnings +sprang mushroom-like from every West End pavement; the sound of music +and the rolling of carriages made night, if not hideous, at least +discordant to the unconsidered minority who went to bed as usual. +Outside in the country, even in the suburbs, June came in glory, with +woods in freshest livery of green, with fragrance of hawthorn and broom +and gorse, buttercup meadows and gardens brimmed with roses. It seemed +to George Goring and Mildred as though somehow this warmth, this gayety +and richness of life in the earth had never been there before, but that +Fate and Nature, of which their love was part, were leading them on in a +great festal train to the inevitable consummation. The flame of life had +never burned clearer or more steadily in Mildred, and every day she felt +a growing confidence in having won so complete a possession of her whole +bodily machinery that it would hardly be in the power of Milly to +dethrone her. The sight of George Goring, the touch of his hand, the +very touch of his garment, gave her a feeling of un<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_285" id="Page_285">[285]</a></span>conquerable life. It +was impossible that she and George should part. All her sanguine and +daring nature cried out to her that were she once his, Milly should not, +could not, return. Tims, too, was there in reserve. Not that Tims would +feel anything but horror at Mildred's conduct in leaving Ian and Tony; +but the thing done, she would recognize the impossibility of allowing +Milly to return to such a situation.</p> + +<p>Ian, whose holidays were usually at the inevitable periods, was by some +extraordinary collapse of that bloated thing, the Academic conscience, +going away for a fortnight in June. He had been deputed to attend a +centenary celebration at some German University, and a conference of +savants to be held immediately after it, presented irresistible +attractions.</p> + +<p>One Sunday Tims and Mr. Fitzalan went to Hampton Court with the usual +crowd of German, Italian, and French hair-dressers, waiters, cooks, and +restaurant-keepers, besides native cockneys of all classes except the +upper.</p> + +<p>The noble old Palace welcomed this mass of very common humanity with +such a pageant of beauty as never greeted the eyes of its royal +builders. Centuries of sunshine seem to have melted into the rich reds +and grays and cream-color of its walls, under which runs a quarter of a +mile of flower-border, a glowing mass of color, yet as full of delicate +and varied detail as the border of an illuminated missal. Everywhere +this modern wealth and splendor of flowers is arranged, as jewels in a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_286" id="Page_286">[286]</a></span> +setting, within the architectural plan of the old garden. There the dark +yews retain their intended proportion, the silver fountain rises where +it was meant to rise, although it sprinkles new, unthought-of lilies. +Behind it, on either side the stately vista of water, and beside it, in +the straight alley, the trees in the freshness and fulness of their +leafage, stand tall and green, less trim and solid it may be, but +essentially as they were meant to stand when the garden grew long ago in +the brain of a man. And out there beyond the terrace the Thames flows +quietly, silverly on, seeming to shine with the memory of all the +loveliness those gliding waters have reflected, since their ripples +played with the long, tremulous image of Lechlade spire.</p> + +<p>Seen from the cool, deep-windowed rooms of the Palace, where now the +pictures hang and hundreds of plebeian feet tramp daily, the gardens +gave forth a burning yet pleasant glow of heat and color in the full +sunshine. Tims and Mr. Fitzalan, having eaten their frugal lunch early +under the blossoming chestnut-trees in Bushey Park, went into the +Picture Gallery in the Palace at an hour when it happened to be almost +empty. The queer-looking woman not quite young, and the little, bald, +narrow-chested, short-sighted man, would not have struck the passers-by +as being a pair of lovers. A few sympathetic smiles, however, had been +bestowed upon another couple seated in the deep window of one of the +smaller rooms; a pretty young woman and an attractive man. The young man +had disposed his hat and a newspaper in such a way as not to make it<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_287" id="Page_287">[287]</a></span> +indecently obvious that he was holding her hand. It was she who called +attention to the fact by hasty attempts to snatch it away when people +came in.</p> + +<p>"What do you do that for?" asked the young man. "There's not the +slightest chance of any one we know coming along."</p> + +<p>"But George—"</p> + +<p>"Do try and adapt yourself to your <i>milieu</i>. These people are probably +blaming me for not putting my arm around your waist."</p> + +<p>"George! What an idiot you are!" She laughed a nervous laugh.</p> + +<p>By this time the last party of fat, dark young women in rainbow hats, +and narrow-shouldered, anæmic young men, had trooped away towards food. +Goring waited till the sound of their footsteps had ceased. He was +holding Mildred's hand, but he had drawn it out from under the newspaper +now, and the gay audacity of his look had changed to something at once +more serious and more masterful.</p> + +<p>"I don't like your seeming afraid, Mildred," he said. "It spoils my idea +of you. I like to think of you as a high-spirited creature, conscious +enough of your own worth to go your own way and despise the foolish +comments of the crowd."</p> + +<p>To hear herself so praised by him made the clear pink rise to Mildred's +cheeks. How could she bear to fall below the level of his expectation, +although the thing he expected of her had dangers of which he was +ignorant?</p> + +<p>"I'm glad you believe that of me," she said; "although it's not quite +true. I cared a good deal<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_288" id="Page_288">[288]</a></span> about the opinion of the world before—before +I knew you; only I was vain enough to think it would never treat me very +badly."</p> + +<p>"It won't," he replied, his audacious smile flashing out for a moment. +"It'll come sneaking back to you before long; it can't keep away. +Besides, I'm cynic enough to know my own advantages, Mildred. Society +doesn't sulk forever with wealthy people, whatever they choose to do."</p> + +<p>She answered low: "But I shouldn't care if it did, George. I want +you—just to go right away with you."</p> + +<p>A wonderful look of joy and tenderness came over his face. "Mildred! Can +it really be you saying that?" he breathed. "Really you, Mildred?"</p> + +<p>They looked each other in the eyes and were silent a minute; but while +the hand next the window held hers, the other one stole out farther to +clasp her. He was too much absorbed in that gaze to notice anything +beyond it; but Mildred was suddenly aware of steps and a voice in the +adjoining room. Tims and Mr. Fitzalan, in the course of a conscientious +survey of all the pictures on the walls, had reached this point in their +progress. The window-seat on which Goring and Mildred were sitting was +visible through a doorway, and Tims had on her strongest glasses.</p> + +<p>Since her engagement, Tims's old-maidish bringing up seemed to be +bearing fruit for the first time.</p> + +<p>"I think we'd better cough or do something," she said. "There's a couple +in there going on dis<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_289" id="Page_289">[289]</a></span>gracefully. I do think spooning in public such bad +form."</p> + +<p>"I dare say they think they're alone," returned the charitable Mr. +Fitzalan, unable to see the delinquents because he was trying to put a +loose lens back into his eye-glasses. Tims came to his assistance, +talking loudly; and her voice was of a piercing quality. Mildred, +leaning forward, saw Mr. Fitzalan and Tims, both struggling with +eye-glasses. She slipped from George's encircling arm and stood in the +doorway of the farther room, beckoning to him with a scared face. He got +up and followed her.</p> + +<p>"What's the matter?" he asked, more curious than anxious; for an +encounter with Lady Augusta in person could only precipitate a crisis he +was ready to welcome. Why should one simple, definite step from an old +life to a new one, which his reason as much as his passion dictated, be +so incredibly difficult to take?</p> + +<p>Mildred hurried him away, explaining that she had seen some one she knew +very well. He pointed out that it was of no real consequence. She could +not tell him that if Tims suspected anything before the decisive step +was taken, one of the safeguards under which she took it might fail.</p> + +<p>They found no exit at the end of the suite of rooms, still less any +place of concealment. Tims and Mr. Fitzalan came upon them discussing +the genuineness of a picture in the last room but one. When Tims saw +that it was Mildred, she made some of the most dreadful grimaces she had +ever made<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_290" id="Page_290">[290]</a></span> in her life. Making them, she approached Mildred, who seeing +there was no escape, turned around and greeted her with a welcoming +smile.</p> + +<p>"Were you—were you sitting on that window-seat?" asked Tims, fixing her +with eyes that seemed bent on piercing to her very marrow.</p> + +<p>Mildred smiled again, with a broader smile.</p> + +<p>"I don't know about 'that window-seat.' I've sat on a good many +window-seats, naturally, since I set forth on this pilgrimage. Is there +anything particular about that one? I've never seen Hampton Court +before, Mr. Fitzalan, so as some people I knew were coming to-day, I +thought I'd come too. May I introduce Mr. Goring?"</p> + +<p>So perfectly natural and easy was Mildred's manner, that Tims already +half disbelieved her own eyes. They must have played her some trick; yet +how could that be? She recalled the figures in the window-seat, as seen +with all the peculiar, artificial distinctness conferred by strong +glasses. The young man called Goring had smiled into the hidden face of +his companion in a manner that Tims could not approve. She made up her +mind that as soon as she had leisure she would call on Mildred and +question her once more, and more straitly, concerning the mystery of +that window-seat.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_291" id="Page_291">[291]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXX</h2> + + +<p>On Monday and Tuesday an interesting experiment which she was conducting +under Carus claimed Tims's whole attention, except for the evening +hours, which were dedicated to Mr. Fitzalan. But she wrote to say that +Mildred might expect her to tea on Wednesday. On Wednesday the post +brought her a note from Mildred, dated Tuesday, midnight.</p> + +<blockquote><p>"<span class="smcap">Dear Tims</span>,—I am afraid you will not find me to-morrow +afternoon, as I am going out of town. But do go to tea with +Tony, who is just back from the sea and looking bonny. He is +such a darling! I always mind leaving him, although of +course I am not his mother. Oh, dear, I am so sleepy, I +hardly know what I am saying. Good-bye, Tims, dear. I am +very glad you are so happy with that nice Mr. Fitzalan of +yours. </p> +<p class="f1">Yours,</p> +<p class="f3">M. B. S."</p></blockquote> + +<p>So far the note, although bearing signs of haste, was in Mildred's usual +clear handwriting; but there was a postscript scrawled crookedly across +the inner sides of the sheet and prefixed by several flourishes:</p> + +<blockquote><p>"Meet me at Paddington 4.30 train to-morrow. Meet me.</p> + +<p class="f1">M."</p></blockquote> + +<p>Another flourish followed.</p> + +<p>The note found Tims at the laboratory, which she<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_292" id="Page_292">[292]</a></span> had not intended +leaving till half-past four. But the perplexing nature of the +postscript, conflicting as it did with the body of the letter, made her +the more inclined to obey its direction.</p> + +<p>She arrived at Paddington in good time and soon caught sight of Mildred, +although for the tenth part of a second she hesitated in identifying +her; for Mildred seldom wore black, although she looked well in it. +To-day she was dressed in a long, black silk wrap—which, gathered about +her slender figure by a ribbon, concealed her whole dress—and wore a +long, black lace veil which might have baffled the eyes of a mere +acquaintance. Tims could not fail to recognize that willowy figure, with +its rare grace of motion, that amber hair, those turquoise-blue eyes +that gleamed through the swathing veil with a restless brilliancy +unusual even in them. With disordered dress and hat on one side, Tims +hastened after Mildred.</p> + +<p>"So here you are!" she exclaimed; "that's all right! I managed to come, +you see, though it's been a bit of a rush."</p> + +<p>Mildred looked around at her, astonished, possibly dismayed; but the +veil acted as a mask.</p> + +<p>"Well, this is a surprise, Tims! What on earth brought you here? Is +anything the matter?"</p> + +<p>"Just what I wanted to know. Why are you in black? Going to a funeral?"</p> + +<p>"Good Heavens, no! The only funeral I mean to go to will be my own. But, +Tims, I thought you were going to tea with Tony. Why have you come +here?"<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_293" id="Page_293">[293]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Didn't you tell me to come in the postscript of your letter?"</p> + +<p>Mildred was evidently puzzled.</p> + +<p>"I don't remember anything about it," she said. "I was frightfully tired +when I wrote to you—in fact, I went to sleep over the letter; but I +can't imagine how I came to say that."</p> + +<p>Tims was not altogether surprised. She had had an idea that Mildred was +not answerable for that postscript, but Mildred herself had no clew to +the mystery, never having been told of Milly's written communication of +a year ago. She sickened at the possibility that in some moment of +aberration she might have written words meant for another on the note to +Tims.</p> + +<p>Tims felt sure that Milly wished her to do something—but what?</p> + +<p>"Where are you going?" she asked. "What are you going to do?"</p> + +<p>"I'm going to stay with some friends who have a house on the river, and +I'm going to do—what people always do on the river. Any other questions +to ask, Tims?"</p> + +<p>"Yes. I should like to know who your friends are."</p> + +<p>Mildred laughed nervously.</p> + +<p>"You won't be any the wiser if I tell you." And in the instant she +reflected that what she said was true. "I am going to the Gorings'."</p> + +<p>The difference between that and the exact truth was only the difference +between the plural and the singular.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_294" id="Page_294">[294]</a></span></p> + +<p>"Don't go, old girl," said Tims, earnestly. "Come back to Tony with me +and wait till Ian comes home."</p> + +<p>Mildred was very pale behind the heavy black lace of her veil and her +heart beat hard; but she spoke with self-possession.</p> + +<p>"Don't be absurd, Tims. Tony is perfectly well, and there's Mr. Goring +who is to travel down with me. How can I possibly go back? You're +worrying about Milly, I suppose. Well, I'm rather nervous about her +myself. I always am when I go away alone. You don't mind my telling them +to wire for you if I sleep too long, do you? And you'd come as quick as +ever you could? Think how awkward it would be for Milly and for—for the +Gorings."</p> + +<p>"I'd come right enough," returned Tims, sombrely. "But if you feel like +that, don't go."</p> + +<p>"I don't feel like that," replied Mildred; "I never felt less like it, +or I shouldn't go. Still, one should be prepared for anything that may +happen. All the same, I very much doubt that you will ever see your poor +friend Milly again, Tims. You must try to forgive me. Now do make haste +and go to darling Tony—he's simply longing to have you. I see Mr. +Goring has taken our places in the train, and I shall be left behind if +I don't go. Good-bye, old Tims."</p> + +<p>Mildred kissed Tims's heated, care-distorted face, and turned away to +where Goring stood at the book-stall buying superfluous literature. Tims +saw him lift his hat gravely to Mildred. It re<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_295" id="Page_295">[295]</a></span>lieved her vaguely to +notice that there seemed no warmth or familiarity about their greeting. +She turned away towards the Metropolitan Railway, not feeling quite sure +whether she had failed in an important mission or merely made a fool of +herself.</p> + +<p>She found Tony certainly looking bonny, and no more inclined to break +his heart about his mother's departure than any other healthy, happy +child under like circumstances. Indeed, it may be doubted whether a +healthy, happy child, unknowing whence its beatitudes spring, does not +in its deepest, most vital moment regard all grown-up people as +necessary nuisances. No one came so delightfully near being another +child as Mildred; but Tims was a capital playfellow too, a broad +comedian of the kind appreciated on the nursery boards.</p> + +<p>A rousing game with him and an evening at the theatre with Mr. Fitzalan, +distracted Tims's thoughts from her anxieties. But at night she dreamed +repeatedly and uneasily of Milly and Mildred as of two separate persons, +and of Mr. Goring, whose vivid face seen in the full light of the window +at Hampton Court, returned to her in sleep with a distinctness +unobtainable in her waking memory.</p> + +<p>On the following day her work with Sir James Carus was of absorbing +interest, and she came home tired and preoccupied with it. Yet her +dreams of the night before recurred in forms at once more confused and +more poignant. At two o'clock in the morning she awoke, crying aloud: "I +must get Milly back"; and her pillow was wet with tears. For the two +following hours she must have been<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_296" id="Page_296">[296]</a></span> awake, because she heard all the +quarters strike from a neighboring church-tower, yet they appeared like +a prolonged nightmare. The emotional impression of some forgotten dream +remained, and she passed them in an agony of grief for she knew not +what, of remorse for having on a certain summer afternoon denied Milly's +petition for her assistance, and of intense volition, resembling prayer, +for Milly's return.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_297" id="Page_297">[297]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXXI</h2> + + +<p>The intense heat of early afternoon quivered on the steep woods which +fell to the river opposite the house. The sunlit stream curved under +them, moving clear and quiet over depths of brown, tangled +water-growths, and along its fringe of gray and green reeds and grasses +and creamy plumes of meadow-sweet. The house was not very large. It was +square and white; an old wistaria, an old Gloire-de-Dijon, and a newer +carmine cluster-rose contended for possession of its surface. Striped +awnings were down over all the lower windows and some of the upper. A +large lawn, close-shorn and velvety green, as only Thames-side lawns can +be, stretched from the house to the river. It had no flower-beds on it, +but a cedar here, an ilex there, dark and substantial on their own dark +shadows, and trellises and pillars overrun by a flood of roses of every +shade, from deep crimson to snow white. The lawn was surrounded by +shrubberies and plantations, and beyond it there was nothing to be seen +except the opposite woods and the river, and sometimes boats passing by +with a measured sound of oars in the rowlocks, or the temporary +commotion of a little steam-launch. It looked a respectable early +Victorian house, but it had never<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_298" id="Page_298">[298]</a></span> been quite that, for it had been +built by George Goring's father fifty years earlier, and he himself had +spent much of his boyhood there.</p> + +<p>Everything and every one seemed asleep, except a young man in flannels +with a flapping hat hanging over his eyes, who stood at the end of a +punt and pretended to fish. There was no one to look at him or at the +house behind him, and if there had been observers, they would not have +guessed that they were looking at the Garden of Eden and that he was +Adam. Only last evening he and that fair Eve of his had stood by the +river in the moonlight, where the shattering hawthorn-bloom made the air +heavy with sweetness, and had spoken to each other of this their +exquisite, undreamed-of happiness. There had been a Before, there would +be an After, when they must stand on their defence against the world, +must resist a thousand importunities, heart-breaking prayers, to return +to the old, false, fruitless existence.</p> + +<p>But just for these days they could be utterly alone in their paradise, +undisturbed even by the thoughts of others, since no one knew they were +there and together. Alas! they had been so only forty-eight hours, and +already a cold little serpent of anxiety had crept in among their roses.</p> + +<p>Before entrusting herself to him, Mildred had told him that, in spite of +her apparent good health, she was occasionally subject to long +trance-like fits, resembling sleep; should this happen, it would be +useless to call an ordinary doctor, but that a Miss Timson, a well-known +scientific woman and a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_299" id="Page_299">[299]</a></span> friend of hers, must be summoned at once. He had +taken Miss Timson's address and promised to do so; but Mildred had not +seemed to look upon the fit as more than a remote contingency. Perhaps +the excitement, the unconscious strain of the last few days had upset +her nerves; for this morning she had lain in what he had taken for a +natural sleep, until, finding her still sleeping profoundly at noon, he +had remembered her words and telegraphed to Miss Timson. An answer to +his telegram, saying that Miss Timson would come as soon as possible, +lay crumpled up at the bottom of the punt.</p> + +<p>The serpent was there, but Goring did not allow its peeping coils +thoroughly to chill his roses. His temperament was too sanguine, he felt +too completely steeped in happiness, the weather was too beautiful. Most +likely Mildred would be all right to-morrow.</p> + +<p>Meantime, up there in the shaded room, she who had been Mildred began to +stir in her sleep. She opened her eyes and gazed through the square +window, at the sunlit awning that overhung it, and at the green leaves +and pale buds of the Gloire-de-Dijon rose. There was a hum of bees close +by that seemed like the voice of the hot sunshine. It should have been a +pleasant awakening, but Milly awoke from that long sleep of hers with a +brooding sense of misfortune. The remembrance of the afternoon when she +had so suddenly been snatched away returned to her, but it was not the +revelation of Ian's passionate love for her supplanter that came back to +her as the thing<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_300" id="Page_300">[300]</a></span> of most importance. Surely she must have known that +long before, for now the pain seemed old and dulled from habit. It was +the terrible strength with which the Evil Spirit had possessed her, +seizing her channels of speech even while she was still there, hurling +her from her seat without waiting for the passivity of sleep. No, her +sense of misfortune was not altogether, or even mainly, connected with +that last day of hers. Unlike Mildred, she had up till now been without +any consciousness of things that had occurred during her quiescence, and +she had now no vision; only a strong impression that something terrible +had befallen Ian.</p> + +<p>She looked around the bedroom, and it seemed to her very strange; +something like an hotel room, yet at once too sumptuous and too shabby. +There was a faded pink flock wall-paper with a gilt pattern upon it, the +chairs were gilded and padded and covered with worn pink damask, the bed +was gilded and hung with faded pink silk curtains. Everywhere there was +pink and gilding, and everywhere it was old and faded and rubbed. A few +early Victorian lithographs hung on the walls, portraits of +ballet-dancers and noblemen with waists and whiskers. No one had tidied +the room since the night before, and fine underclothing was flung +carelessly about on chairs, a fussy petticoat here, the bodice of an +evening dress there; everywhere just that touch of mingled daintiness +and disorder which by this time Milly recognized only too well.</p> + +<p>The bed was large, and some one else had evi<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_301" id="Page_301">[301]</a></span>dently slept there besides +herself, for the sheet and pillow were rumpled and there was a +half-burnt candle and a man's watch-chain on the small table beside it. +Wherever she was then, Ian was there too, so that she was at a loss to +understand her own sinister foreboding.</p> + +<p>She pulled at the bell-rope twice.</p> + +<p>There were only three servants in the house; a housekeeper and two +maids, who all dated from the days of Mrs. Maria Idle, ex-mistress of +the late Lord Ipswich, dead herself now some six months. The housekeeper +was asleep, the maids out of hearing. She opened the door and found a +bathroom opposite her bedroom. It had a window which showed her a strip +of lawn with flower-beds upon it, beyond that shrubberies and tall trees +which shut out any farther view. A hoarse cuckoo was crying in the +distance, and from the greenery came a twittering of birds and sometimes +a few liquid pipings; but there was no sound of human life. The place +seemed as empty as an enchanted palace in a fairy story.</p> + +<p>Milly's toilet never took her very long. She put on a fresh, simple +cotton dress, which seemed to have been worn the day before, and was +just hesitating as to whether she should go down or wait for Ian to +come, when Clarkson, the housekeeper, knocked at her door.</p> + +<p>"I thought if you was awake, madam, you might like a bit of lunch," she +said.</p> + +<p>Milly refused, for this horrible feeling of depression and anxiety made +her insensible to hunger.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_302" id="Page_302">[302]</a></span> She looked at the housekeeper with a certain +surprise, for Clarkson was as decorated and as much the worse for wear +as the furniture of the bedroom. She was a large, fat woman, laced into +a brown cashmere dress, with a cameo brooch on her ample bosom; her hair +was unnaturally black, curled and dressed high on the top of her head, +she had big gold earrings, and a wealth of powder on her large, red +face.</p> + +<p>"Can you tell me where I am likely to find Mr. Stewart?" asked Milly, +politely.</p> + +<p>The woman stared, and when she answered there was more than a shade of +insolence in her coarse voice and smile.</p> + +<p>"I'm sure I can't tell, madam. Mr. Stewart's not our gentleman here."</p> + +<p>Milly, understanding the reply as little as the housekeeper had +understood the question, yet felt that some impertinence was intended +and turned away.</p> + +<p>There was nothing for it but to explore on her own account. A staircase +of the dull Victorian kind led down to a dark, cool hall. The front door +was open. She walked to it and stood under a stumpy portico, looking +out. The view was much the same as that seen from the bathroom, only +that instead of grass and flower-beds there was a gravel sweep, and, +just opposite the front door, a circle of grass with a tall +monkey-puzzle tree in the centre. Except for the faded gorgeousness of +the bedroom, the house looked like an ordinary country house, belonging +to old people who did not care to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_303" id="Page_303">[303]</a></span> move with the times. Why should she +feel at every step a growing dread of what might meet her there?</p> + +<p>She turned from the portico and opened, hesitatingly, the door of a room +on the opposite side of the hall. It was a drawing-room, with traces of +the same shabby gorgeousness that prevailed in the bedroom, but +mitigated by a good deal of clean, faded chintz; and at one end was a +brilliant full-length Millais portrait of Mrs. Maria Idle in blue silk +and a crinoline. It was a long room, pleasant in the dim light; for +although it had three windows, the farthest a French one and open, all +were covered with awnings, coming low down and showing nothing of the +outer world but a hand's breadth of turf and wandering bits of creeper. +It was sweet with flowers, and on a consol table before a mirror stood a +high vase from which waved and twined tall sprays and long streamers of +cluster-roses, carmine and white. It was beautiful, yet Milly turned +away from it almost with a shudder. She recognized the touch of the hand +that must have set the roses there. And the nameless horror grew upon +her.</p> + +<p>Except for the flowers, there was little sign of occupation in the room. +A large round rosewood table was set with blue glass vases on mats and +some dozen photograph—albums and gift-books, dating from the sixties. +But on a stool in a corner lay a newspaper; and the date on it gave her +a shock. She had supposed herself to have been away about four months; +she found she had been gone sixteen. There had been plenty of time for a +misfortune to happen, and she felt convinced that it had hap<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_304" id="Page_304">[304]</a></span>pened. But +what? If Ian or Tony were dead she would surely still be in mourning. +Then on a little rosewood escritoire, such as ladies were wont to use +when they had nothing to write, she spied an old leather writing-case +with the initials M. B. F. upon it. It was one Aunt Beatrice had given +her when she first went to Ascham, and it seemed to look on her +pleasantly, like the face of an old friend. She found a few letters in +the pockets, among them one from Ian written from Berlin a few days +before, speaking of his speedy return and of Tony's amusing letter from +the sea-side. She began to hope her feeling of anxiety and depression +might be only the shadow of the fear and anguish which she had suffered +on that horrible afternoon sixteen months ago. She must try not to think +about it, must try to be bright for Ian's sake. Some one surely was with +her at this queer place, since she was sharing a room with another +person—probably a female friend of that Other's, who had such a crowd +of them.</p> + +<p>She drew the awning half-way up and stood on the step outside the French +window. The lawn, the trees, the opposite hills were unknown to her, but +the spirit of the river spoke to her familiarly, and she knew it for the +Thames. A gardener in shirt-sleeves was filling a water-barrel by the +river, under a hawthorn-tree, and the young man in the punt was putting +up his fishing-tackle. As she looked, the strangeness of the scene +passed away. She could not say where it was, but in some dream or vision +she had certainly seen this lawn, that view,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_305" id="Page_305">[305]</a></span> before; when the young man +turned and came nearer she would know his face. And the dim, horrible +thing that was waiting for her somewhere about the quiet house, the +quiet garden, seemed to draw a step nearer, to lift its veil a little. +Who was it that had stood not far from where the gardener was standing +now, and seen the moon hanging large and golden over the mystery of the +opposite woods? Whoever it was, some one's arm had been fast around her +and there had been kisses—kisses.</p> + +<p>It took but a few seconds for these half-revelations to drop into her +mind, and before she had had time to reflect upon them, the young man in +the punt looked up and saw her standing there on the step. He took off +his floppy hat and waved it to her; then he put down his tackle, ran to +the near end of the punt and jumped lightly ashore. He came up the green +lawn, and her anxiety sent her down to meet him almost as eagerly as +love would have done. The hat shaded all the upper part of his face, and +at a distance, in the strong sunshine, the audacious chin, the red lower +lip, caught her eye first and seemed to extinguish the rest of the face. +And suddenly she disliked them. Who was the man, and how did she come to +know him? But former experiences of strange awakenings had made her +cautious, self-controlling, almost capable of hypocrisy.</p> + +<p>"So you're awake!" shouted George, still a long way down the lawn. +"Good! How are you? All right?"</p> + +<p>She nodded "Yes," with a constrained smile.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_306" id="Page_306">[306]</a></span></p> + +<p>In a minute they had met, he had turned her around, and with his arm +under hers was leading her towards the house again.</p> + +<p>"All right? Really all right?" he asked very softly, pressing her arm +with his hand and stooping his head to bring his mouth on a level with +her ear.</p> + +<p>"Very nearly, at any rate," she answered, coldly, trying to draw away +from him.</p> + +<p>"What are you doing that for?" he asked. "Afraid of shocking the +gardener, eh? What queer little dear little ways you've got! I suppose +Undines are like that."</p> + +<p>He drew her closer to him as he threw back his head and laughed a noisy +laugh that jarred upon her nerves.</p> + +<p>Milly began to feel indignant. It was just possible that a younger +sister in Australia might have married and brought this extraordinary +young man home to England, but his looks, his tone, were not fraternal; +and she had never forgotten the Maxwell Davison episode. She walked on +stiffly.</p> + +<p>"Every one seems to be out," she observed, as calmly as she could.</p> + +<p>He frowned.</p> + +<p>"You mean those devils of servants haven't been looking after you?" he +asked. "Yet I gave Clarkson her orders. Of course they're baggages, but +I haven't had the heart to send them away from the old place, for who on +earth would take them? I expect we aren't improving their chances, you +and I, at this very moment; in spite of respecting the gardener's +prejudices."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_307" id="Page_307">[307]</a></span></p> + +<p>He chuckled, as at some occult joke of his own.</p> + +<p>They stooped together under the half-raised awning of the French window, +and entered the dim, flower-scented drawing-room side by side. The young +man threw off his hat, and she saw the silky ripple of his nut-brown +hair, his smooth forehead, his bright-glancing hazel eyes, all the happy +pleasantness of his countenance. Before she had had time to reconsider +her dislike of him, he had caught her in his arms and kissed her hair +and face, whispering little words of love between the kisses. For one +paralyzed moment Milly suffered these dreadful words, these horrible +caresses. Then exerting the strength of frenzy, she pushed him from her +and bounded to the other side of the room, entrenching herself behind +the big rosewood table with its smug mats and vases and albums.</p> + +<p>"You brute! you brute! you hateful cad!" she stammered with trembling +lips; "how dare you touch me?"</p> + +<p>George Goring stared at her with startled eyes.</p> + +<p>"Mildred! Dearest! Good God! What's gone wrong?"</p> + +<p>"Where's my husband?" she asked, in a voice sharp with anger and terror. +"I want to go—I must leave this horrid place at once."</p> + +<p>"Your husband?"</p> + +<p>It was Goring's turn to feel himself plunged into the midst of a +nightmare, and he grew almost as pale as Milly. How in Heaven's name was +he going to manage her? She looked very ill and must of course be +delirious. That would have been<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_308" id="Page_308">[308]</a></span> alarming in any case, and this +particular form of delirium was excruciatingly painful.</p> + +<p>"Yes, my husband—where is he? I shall tell him how you've dared to +insult me. I must go. This is your house—I must leave it at once."</p> + +<p>Goring did not attempt to come near her. He spoke very quietly.</p> + +<p>"Try and remember, Mildred; Stewart is not here. He will not even be in +England till to-morrow. You are alone with me. Hadn't you better go to +bed again and—" he was about to say, "wait until Miss Timson comes," +but as it was possible that the advent of the person she had wished him +to summon might now irritate her, he substituted—"and keep quiet? I +promise not to come near you if you don't wish to see me."</p> + +<p>"I am alone here with you?" Milly repeated, slowly, and pressed her hand +to her forehead. "Good God," she moaned to herself, "what can have +happened?"</p> + +<p>"Yes. For Heaven's sake, go and lie down. I expect the doctor can give +you something to soothe your nerves and then perhaps you'll remember."</p> + +<p>She made a gesture of fierce impatience.</p> + +<p>"You think I'm mad, but I'm not. I have been mad and I am myself again; +only I can't remember anything that's happened since I went out of my +mind. I insist upon your telling me. Who are you? I never saw you before +to my knowledge."</p> + +<p>Her voice, her attitude were almost truculent as she faced him, her +right hand dragging at the loose clasp of a big photograph album. Every +word,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_309" id="Page_309">[309]</a></span> every look, was agony to Goring, but he controlled himself by an +effort.</p> + +<p>"I am George Goring," he said, slowly, and paused with anxious eyes +fixed upon her, hoping that the name might yet stir some answering +string of tenderness in the broken lyre of her mind.</p> + +<p>She too paused, as though tracking some far-off association with the +name. Then:</p> + +<p>"Ah! poor Lady Augusta's husband," she repeated, yet sterner than before +in her anger. "My friend Lady Augusta's husband! And why am I here alone +with you, Mr. Goring?"</p> + +<p>"Because I am your lover, Mildred. Because I love you better than any +one or any thing in the world; and yesterday you thought you loved me, +you thought you could trust all your life to me."</p> + +<p>She had known the answer already in her heart, but the fact stated +plainly by another, became even more dreadful, more intolerable, than +before. She uttered a low cry and covered her eyes with her hand.</p> + +<p>"Mildred—dearest!" he breathed imploringly.</p> + +<p>Then she raised her head and looked straight at him with flaming eyes, +this fair, fragile creature transformed into a pitiless Fury. She forgot +that indeed an Evil Spirit had dwelt within her; George Goring might be +victim rather than culprit. In this hour of her anguish the identity of +that body of hers, which through him was defiled, that honor of hers, +yes and of Ian Stewart's, which through him was dragged in the dust, +made her no longer able to keep clearly in mind the separateness of the +Mildred Stewart of yesterday from herself.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_310" id="Page_310">[310]</a></span></p> + +<p>"I tell you I was mad," she gasped; "and you—you vile, wicked man!—you +took advantage of it to ruin my life—to ruin my husband's life! You +must know Ian Stewart, a man whose shoes you are not fit to tie. Do you +think any woman in her senses would leave him for you? Ah!—" she +breathed a long, shuddering breath and her hand was clinched so hard +upon the loose album clasp that it ran into her palm.</p> + +<p>"Mildred!" cried George, staggered, stricken as though by some fiery +rain.</p> + +<p>"I ought to be sorry for your wife," she went on. "She is a splendid +woman, she has done nothing to deserve that you should treat her so +scandalously. But I can't—I can't"—a dry sob caught her voice—"be +sorry for any one except myself and Ian. I always knew I wasn't good +enough to be his wife, but I was so proud of it—so proud—and now—Oh, +it's too horrible! I'm not fit to live."</p> + +<p>George had sunk upon a chair and hidden his face in his hands.</p> + +<p>"Don't say that," he muttered hoarsely, almost inaudibly. "It was my +doing."</p> + +<p>She broke out again.</p> + +<p>"Of course it was. It's nothing to you, I suppose. You've broken my +husband's heart and mine too; you've hopelessly disgraced us both and +spoiled our lives; and all for the sake of a little amusement, a little +low pleasure. We can't do anything, we can't punish you; but if curses +were any use, oh, how I could curse you, Mr. Goring!"</p> + +<p>The sobs rising in a storm choked her voice.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_311" id="Page_311">[311]</a></span> She rushed from the room, +closing the door behind her and leaving George Goring there, his head on +his hands. He sat motionless, hearing nothing but the humming silence of +the hot afternoon.</p> + +<p>Milly, pressing back her tears, flew across the hall and up the stairs. +The vague nightmare thing that had lurked for her in the shadows of the +house, when she had descended them so quietly, had taken shape at last. +She knew now the unspeakable secret of the pink and gold bedroom, the +shabbily gorgeous bed, the posturing dancers, the simpering, tailored +noblemen. The atmosphere of it, scented and close, despite the open +window, seemed to take her by the throat. She dared not stop to think, +lest this sick despair, this loathing of herself, should master her. To +get home at once was her impulse, and she must do it before any one +could interfere.</p> + +<p>It was a matter of a few seconds to find a hat, gloves, a parasol. She +noticed a purse in the pocket of her dress and counted the money in it. +There was not much, but enough to take her home, since she felt sure the +river shimmering over there was the Thames. She did not stay to change +her thin shoes, but flitted down the stairs and out under the portico, +as silent as a ghost. The drive curved through a shrubbery, and in a +minute she was out of sight of the house. She hurried past the lodge, +hesitating in which direction to turn, when a tradesman's cart drove +past. She asked the young man who was driving it her way to the station, +and he told her it was not very far, but that she could not catch the +next train to town if she meant to walk.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_312" id="Page_312">[312]</a></span> He was going in that direction +himself and would give her a lift if she liked. She accepted the young +man's offer; but if he made it in order to beguile the tedium of his +way, he was disappointed.</p> + +<p>The road was dusty and sunny, and this gave her a reason for opening her +large parasol. She cowered under it, hiding herself from the women who +rolled by in shiny carriages with high-stepping horses; not so much +because she feared she might meet acquaintances, as from an instinctive +desire to hide herself, a thing so shamed and everlastingly wretched, +from every human eye. And so it happened that, when she was close to the +station, she missed seeing and being seen by Tims, who was driving to +Mr. Goring's house in a hired trap which he had sent to meet her.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_313" id="Page_313">[313]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXXII</h2> + + +<p>Milly took a ticket for Paddington and hurried to the train, which was +waiting at the platform, choosing an empty compartment. Action had +temporarily dulled the passion of her misery, her rage, her shuddering +horror at herself. But alone in the train, it all returned upon her, +only with a complete realization of circumstance which made it worse.</p> + +<p>It had been her impulse to rush to her home, to her husband, as for +refuge. Now she perceived that there was no refuge for her, no comfort +in her despair, but rather another ordeal to be faced. She would have to +tell her husband the truth, so far as she knew it. Good God! Why could +she not shake off from her soul the degradation, the burning shame of +this fair flesh of hers, and return to him with some other body, however +homely, which should be hers and hers alone? She remembered that the man +she loathed had said that Ian would not be back in England until +to-morrow. She supposed the Evil Thing had counted on stealing home in +time to meet him, and would have met him with an innocently smiling +face.</p> + +<p>A moment Milly triumphed in the thought that it was she herself who +would meet Ian and reveal<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_314" id="Page_314">[314]</a></span> to him the treachery of the creature who had +supplanted her in his heart. Then with a shudder she hid her face, +remembering that it was, after all, her own dishonor and his which she +must reveal. He would of course take her back, and if that could be the +end, they might live down the thing together. But it would not be the +end. "I am the stronger," that Evil Thing had said, and it was the +stronger. At first step by step, now with swift advancing strides, it +was robbing her of the months, the years, till soon, very soon, while in +the world's eyes she seemed to live and thrive, she would be dead; dead, +without a monument, without a tear, her very soul not free and in God's +hands, but held somewhere in abeyance. And Ian? Through what +degradation, to what public shame would he, the most refined and +sensitive of men, be dragged! His child—her child and Ian's—would grow +up like that poor wretched George Goring, breathing corruption, lies, +dishonor, from his earliest years. And she, the wife, the mother, would +seem to be guilty of all that, while she was really bound, +helpless—dead.</p> + +<p>The passion of her anger and despair stormed through her veins again +with yet greater violence, but this time George Goring was forgotten and +all its waves broke impotently against that adversary whose diabolical +power she was so impotent to resist, who might return to-morrow, to-day +for aught she knew.</p> + +<p>She had been moving restlessly about the compartment, making vehement +gestures in her des<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_315" id="Page_315">[315]</a></span>peration, but now a sudden, terrible, yet calming +idea struck her to absolute quietness. There was a way, just one, to +thwart this adversary; she could destroy the body into which it thought +to return. At the same moment there arose in her soul two opposing waves +of emotion—one of passionate self-pity to think that she, so weak and +timid, should be driven to destroy herself; the other of triumph over +her mortal foe delivered into her hands. She felt a kind of triumph too +in the instantaneousness with which she was able to make up her mind +that this was the only thing to be done—she, usually so full of mental +and moral hesitation. Let it be done quickly—now, while the spur of +excitement pricked her on. The Thing seemed to have a knowledge of her +experiences which was not reciprocal. How it would laugh if it +recollected in its uncanny way, that she had wanted to kill herself and +it with her, that she had had it at her mercy and then had been too weak +and cowardly to strike! Should she buy some poison when she reached +Paddington? She knew nothing about poisons and their effects, except +that carbolic caused terrible agony, and laudanum was not to be trusted +unless you knew the dose. The train was slowing up and the lonely river +gleamed silverly below. It beckoned to her, the river, upon whose stream +she had spent so many young, happy days.</p> + +<p>She got out at the little station and walked away from it with a quick, +light step, as though hastening to keep some pleasurable appointment. +After all<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_316" id="Page_316">[316]</a></span> the years of weak, bewildered subjection, of defeat and +humiliation, her turn had come; she had found the answer to the Sphinx's +riddle, the way to victory.</p> + +<p>She knew the place where she found herself, for she had several times +made one of a party rowing down from Oxford to London. But it was not +one of the frequented parts of the river, being a quiet reach among +solitary meadows. She remembered that there was a shabby little house +standing by itself on the bank where boats could be hired, for they had +put in there once to replace an oar, having lost one down a weir in the +neighborhood. The weir had not been on the main stream, but they had +come upon it in exploring a backwater. It could not be far off.</p> + +<p>She walked quickly along the bank, turning over and over in her mind the +same thoughts; the cruel wrong which now for so many years she had +suffered, the final disgrace brought upon her and her husband, and she +braced her courage to strike the blow that should revenge all. The act +to which this fair-haired, once gentle woman was hurrying along the +lonely river-bank, was not in its essence suicide; it was revenge, it +was murder.</p> + +<p>When she came to the shabby little house where the boats lay under an +unlovely zinc-roofed shed, she wondered whether she might ask for ink +and paper and write to some one. She longed to send one little word to +Ian; but then what could she say? She could not have seen him and +concealed the truth from him, but it was one of the advantages of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_317" id="Page_317">[317]</a></span> her +disappearance that he need never know the dishonor done him. And she +knew he considered suicide a cowardly act. He was quite wrong there. It +was an act of heroic courage to go out like this to meet death. It was +so lonely; even lonelier than death must always be. She had the +conviction that she was not doing wrong, but right. Hers was no common +case. And for the first time she saw that there might be a reason for +this doom which had befallen her. Men regard one sort of weakness as a +sin to be struggled against, another as something harmless, even +amiable, to be acquiesced in. But perhaps all weakness acquiesced in was +a sin in the eyes of Eternal Wisdom, was at any rate to be left to the +mercy of its own consequences. She looked back upon her life and saw +herself never exerting her own judgment, always following in some one +else's tracks, never fighting against her physical, mental, moral +timidity. It was no doubt this weakness of hers that had laid her open +to the mysterious curse which she was now, by a supreme effort of +independent judgment and physical courage, resolved to throw off.</p> + +<p>A stupid-looking man in a dirty cotton shirt got out the small boat she +chose; stared a minute in surprise to see the style in which she, an +Oxford girl born and bred, handled the sculls, and then went in again to +continue sleeping off a pint of beer.</p> + +<p>She pulled on mechanically, with a long, regular stroke, and one by one +scenes, happy river-scenes out of past years, came back to her with +wonderful vividness. Looking about her she saw an osier-bed<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_318" id="Page_318">[318]</a></span> dividing +the stream, and beside it the opening into the willow-shaded backwater +which she remembered. She turned the boat's head into it. Heavy clouds +had rolled up and covered the sky, and there was a kind of twilight +between the dark water and the netted boughs overhead. Very soon she +heard the noise of a weir. Once such a sound had been pleasant in her +ears; but now it turned her cold with fear. On one side the backwater +flowed sluggishly on around the osier-bed; on the other it hurried +smoothly, silently away, to broaden suddenly before it swept in white +foam over an open weir into a deep pool below. She trembled violently +and the oars moved feebly in her hands, chill for all the warmth of the +afternoon. Her boat was in the stream which led to the weir, but not yet +fully caught by the current. A few more strokes and the thing would be +done, she would be carried quickly on and over that dancing, sparkling +edge into the deep pool below. Her courage failed, could not be screwed +to the sticking-point; she hung on the oars, and the boat, as if +answering to her thought, stopped, swung half around. As she held the +boat with the oars and closed her eyes in an anguish of hesitation and +terror, a strange convulsion shook her, such as she had felt once +before, and a low cry, not her own, broke from her lips.</p> + +<p>"No—no!" they uttered, hoarsely.</p> + +<p>The Thing was there then, awake to its danger, and in another moment +might snatch her from herself, return laughing at her cowardice, to that +house by the river. She pressed her lips hard to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_319" id="Page_319">[319]</a></span>gether, and silently, +with all the strength of her hate and of her love, bent to the oars. The +little boat shot forward into mid-stream, the current seized it and +swept it rapidly on towards the dancing edge of water. She dropped the +sculls and a hoarse shriek broke from her lips; but it was not she who +shrieked, for in her heart was no fear, but triumph—triumph as of one +who is at length avenged of her mortal enemy.</p> + +<hr style="width: 45%;" /> +<p>In the darkened drawing-room, the room so full of traces of all that had +been exquisite in Mildred Stewart, Ian mourned alone. Presently the door +opened a little, and a tall, slender, childish figure in a white smock, +slipped in and closed it gently behind him. Tony stole up to his father +and stood between his knees. He looked at Ian, silent, pale, large-eyed. +That a grown-up person and a man should shed tears was strange, even +portentous, to him.</p> + +<p>"Won't Mummy come back, not ever?" asked the child at last, piteously, +in a half whisper.</p> + +<p>"No, never, Tony; Mummy won't ever come back. She's gone—gone for +always."</p> + +<p>The child looked in his father's eyes strangely, penetratingly.</p> + +<p>"Which Mummy?" he asked.</p> + + +<h3>THE END</h3> +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Invader, by Margaret L. 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Woods + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Invader + A Novel + +Author: Margaret L. Woods + +Release Date: February 23, 2009 [EBook #28162] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE INVADER *** + + + + +Produced by Sankar Viswanathan, David Clarke, and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net +(This file was produced from images generously made +available by The Internet Archive/American Libraries.) + + + + + + + + The Invader + + A NOVEL + + + + By + + Margaret L. Woods + + + + + + New York and London + + Harper & Brothers Publishers + + 1907 + + + + + Copyright, 1907, by HARPER & BROTHERS. + + Published May, 1907. + + * * * * * + + + + +TO + +Hilda Greaves + +AND THE DUMB COMPANIONS OF TAN-YR-ALLT +THIS BOOK IS DEDICATED BY THEIR +GRATEFUL AND AFFECTIONATE +FRIEND + + * * * * * + + + + +THE INVADER + +CHAPTER I + + +Dinner was over and the ladies had just risen, when the Professor had +begged to introduce them to the new-comer on his walls. The Invader, it +might almost have been called, this full-length, life-size portrait, +which, in the illumination of a lamp turned full upon it, seemed to take +possession of the small room, to dominate at the end of the polished-oak +table, where the light of shaded candles fell on old blue plates, old +Venetian glass, a bit of old Italian brocade, and chrysanthemums in a +china bowl coveted by collectors. Every detail spoke of the +connoisseurship, the refined and personal taste characteristic of Oxford +in the eighties. The authority on art put up his eye-glasses and +fingered his tiny forked beard uneasily. + +"There's no doubt it's a good thing, Fletcher," he said, presently--"really +quite good. But it's too like Romney to be Raeburn, and too like Raeburn to +be Romney. You ought to be able to find out the painter, if, as you say, +it's a portrait of your own great-grandmother--" + +"He did say so!" broke in Sanderson, exultantly. "He said it was an +ancestress. Fletcher, you're a vulgar fraud. You've got no ancestress. +You bought her. There's a sale-ticket still on the frame under the +projection at the right-hand lower corner. I saw it." + +Sanderson was a small man and walked about perpetually, except when +taking food: sometimes then. He was a licensed insulter of his friends, +and now stood before the picture in a belligerent attitude. The +Professor stroked his amber beard and smiled down on Sanderson. + +"True, O Sanderson; and at the same time untrue. I did buy the picture, +and the lady was my great-grandmother once, but she did not like the +position and soon gave it up. This picture must have been done after she +had given it up." + +"Is this a conundrum or blather, invented to hide your ignominy in a +cloud of words?" asked Sanderson. + +"It's a _hors d'oeuvre_ before the story," interposed Ian Stewart, +throwing back his tall dark head and looking up at the picture through +his eye-glasses, his handsome face alive with interest. "'Tak' awa' the +kickshaws,' Fletcher, 'and bring us the cauf.'" + +The Professor gathered his full beard in one hand and smiled +deprecatingly. + +"I don't know how the ladies will like my ex-great-grandmother's story. +It was a bit of a scandal at the time." + +"Never mind, Mr. Fletcher," cried a young married woman, with a face +like a seraph, "we're all educated now, and scandal about a lady with +her waist under her arms becomes simply classical." + +"Not so bad as that, Mrs. Shaw, I assure you," returned the Professor; +"but I dare say you all know as much as I do about my great-grandmother, +for she was the well-known Lady Hammerton." + +There were sounds of interest and surprise, for most of the party knew +her name, and were curious to learn how she came to be Professor +Fletcher's great-grandmother. Mr. Fletcher explained: + +"My great-grandfather was a distinguished professor in Edinburgh a +hundred years ago. When he was a widower of forty with a family, he was +silly enough to fall in love with a little miss of sixteen. He taught +her Latin and Greek--which was all very well--and married her, which was +distinctly unwise. She had one son--my grandfather--and then ran away +with an actor from London. After that she made a certain sensation on +the stage, but I suspect she was clever enough to see that her real +successes were personal ones; at all events, she made a good marriage as +soon as ever she got the chance. The Hammerton family naturally +objected. You'll find all about it in those papers which have come out +lately. I believe, ladies, they were almost as much scandalized by her +learning as by her morals." + +"She told Sydney Smith years after, I think," observed Stewart, "that +she had to be a wit lest people should find out she was a blue. There's +a good deal about her in the Englefield _Memoirs_. She travelled +extraordinarily for a woman in those days, and most of the real +treasures at Hammerton House come from her collections." + +"I thought they were nearly all burned in a great fire, and she was +burned trying to save them," said Mrs. Shaw. + +"A good many were saved," returned Fletcher; "she had rushed back to +fetch a favorite bronze, was seen hurling it out of the window--and was +never seen again." + +"She must have been a very remarkable woman," commented Stewart, +meditatively, his eyes still fixed on the picture. + +"Know nothing about her myself," remarked Sanderson; "Stewart knows +something about everybody. It's sickening the way he spends his time +reading gossip and calling it history." + +"Gossip's like many common things, interesting when fossilized," +squeaked a little, white-haired, pink-faced old gentleman, like an +elderly cherub in dress-clothes. He had remained at the other end of the +room because he did not care for pictures. Now he toddled a little +nearer and every one made way for him with a peculiar respect, for he +was the Master of Durham, whose name was great in Oxford and also in the +world outside it. He looked up first at the pictured face and then at +Milly Flaxman, a young cousin of Fletcher's and a scholar of Ascham +Hall, who had taken her First in Mods, and was hoping to get one in +Greats. The Master liked young girls, but they had to be clever as well +as pleasing in appearance to attract his attention. + +"It's very like Miss Flaxman," he squeaked. + +Every one turned their eyes from the picture to Milly, whose pale cheeks +blushed a bright pink. The blush emphasized her resemblance to her +ancestress, whose brilliant complexion, however, hinted at rouge. +Milly's soft hair was amber-colored, like that of the lady in the +picture, but it was strained back from her face and twisted in a minute +knot on the nape of her neck. That was the way in which her aunt Lady +Thomson, whose example she desired to follow in all things, did her +hair. The long, clearly drawn eyebrows, dark in comparison with the +amber hair, the turquoise blue eyes, the mouth of the pictured lady were +curiously reproduced in Milly Flaxman. Possibly her figure may have been +designed by nature to be as slight and supple, yet rounded, as that of +the white-robed, gray-scarfed lady above there. But something or some +one had intervened, and Milly looked stiff and shapeless in a green +velveteen frock, scooped out vaguely around her white young throat and +gathered in clumsy folds under a liberty silk sash. + +Mrs. Shaw cried out enraptured at the interesting resemblance which had +escaped them all, to be instantly caught by the elderly cherub in the +background, who did not care about art, while the Professor explained +that both Milly's parents were, like himself, great-grandchildren of +Lady Hammerton. The seraph now fell upon Milly, too shy to resist, had +out her hair-pins in a trice and fingered the fluffy hair till it made +an aureole around her face. Then by some conjuring trick producing a +gauzy white scarf, Mrs. Shaw twisted it about the girl's head, in +imitation of the lady on the wall, who had just such a scarf, but with a +tiny embroidered border of scarlet, twisted turban-wise and floating +behind. + +"There!" she cried, pushing the feebly protesting Milly into the full +light of the lamp the Professor was holding, "allow me to present to you +the new Lady Hammerton!" + +There was a moment of wondering silence. Milly's pulses beat, for she +felt Ian Stewart's eyes upon her. Neither he nor any one else there had +ever quite realized before what capacities for beauty lay hid in the +subdued young face of Milly Flaxman. She had nothing indeed of the +charm, at once subtle and challenging, of the lady above there. She, +with one hand on the gold head of a tall cane, looking back, seemed to +dare unseen adorers to follow her into a magic, perhaps a fatal +fairyland of mountain and waterfall and cloud; a land whose dim mists +and silver gleams seemed to echo the gray and the white of her floating +garments, its autumn leaves to catch a faint reflection from her hair, +while far off its sky showed a thin line of sunset, red like the border +of her veil. Milly's soft cheeks and lips were flushed, her eyes bright +with a mixture of very innocent emotions, as she stood with every one's +eyes, including Ian Stewart's, upon her. + +But in a minute the Master took up Mrs. Shaw's remark. + +"No," he said, emphatically; "not a new Lady Hammerton; only a rather +new Miss Flaxman; and that, I assure you, is something very preferable." + +"I'm quite sure the Master knows something dreadful about your +great-grandmother, Mr. Fletcher," laughed Mrs. Shaw. + +"I think we'd better go before he tells it," interposed Mrs. Fletcher, +who saw that Milly was feeling shy. + +When the ladies had left, the men reseated themselves at the table and +there was a pause. Everyone waited for the Master, who seemed meditating +speech. + +"My mother," he said--and somehow they all felt startled to learn the +fact that the Master had had a mother--"my mother knew Lady Hammerton in +the twenties. She was often at Bath." + +The thin, staccato voice broke off abruptly, and three out of the five +other men present being the Master's pupils, remained silent, knowing he +had not finished. But Mr. Toovey, a young don overflowing with mild +intelligence, exclaimed, deferentially: + +"Really, Master! Really! How extremely interesting! Now do please tell +us a great deal about Lady Hammerton." + +The Master took no notice whatever of Toovey. He sat about a minute +longer in his familiar posture, looking before him, his little round +hands on his little round knees. Then he said: + +"She was a raddled woman." + +And his pupils knew he had finished speaking. What he had said was +disappointingly little, but uttered in that strange high voice of his, +it contained an infinite deal more than appeared on the face of it. A +whole discreditable past seemed to emerge from that one word "raddled." +Ian Stewart, to whose imagination the woman in the picture made a +strange appeal, now broke a lance with the Master on her account. + +"She may have been raddled, Master," he said, "but she must have been +very remarkable and charming too. Hammerton himself was no fool, yet he +adored her to the last." + +The Master seemed to hope some one else would speak; but finding that no +one did, he uttered again: + +"Men often adore bad wives. That does not make them good ones." + +Stewart tossed a rebel lock of raven black hair back from his forehead. + +"Pardon me, Master, it does make them good wives for those men." + +"Oh, surely not good for their higher natures!" protested Toovey, +fervently. + +The Master took three deliberate sips of port wine. + +"I think, Stewart, we are discussing matters we know very little about," +he said, in a particularly high, dry voice; and every one felt that the +discussion was closed. Then he turned to Sanderson and made some remark +about a house which Sanderson's College, of which he was junior bursar, +was selling to Durham. + +Fletcher, the only married man present, mourned inwardly over his own +masculine stupidity. He felt sure that if his wife had been there she +would have gently led Stewart's mind through these paradoxical +matrimonial fancies, to dwell on another picture; a picture of marriage +with a nice girl almost as pretty as Lady Hammerton, a good girl who +shared his tastes, and, above all, who adored him. David Fletcher felt +himself pitiably unequal to the task, although he was as anxious as his +wife was that Stewart should marry Milly. Did not all their friends wish +it? It seemed to them that there could not be a more suitable couple. If +Milly was working so terribly hard to get her First in Greats, it was +largely because Mr. Stewart was one of her tutors and she knew he +thought a good deal of success in the Schools. + +There could be no doubt about Milly Flaxman's goodness; in fact, some of +the girls at Ascham complained that it "slopped over." Her clothes were +made on hygienic principles which she treated as a branch of morals, and +she often refused to offer the small change of polite society because it +weighed somewhat light in the scales of truth. But these were foibles +that the young people's friends were sure Ian Stewart would never +notice. As to him, although only four and thirty, he was already a +distinguished man. A scholar, a philosopher, and an archaeologist, he had +also imagination and a sense of style. He had written a brilliant book +on Greek life at a particular period, which had brought him a reputation +among the learned and also found readers in the educated public. His +disposition was sweet, his character unusually high, judged even by the +standard of the academic world, which has a higher standard than most. +Obviously he would make an excellent husband; and equally obviously, as +he had no near relations and his health was delicate, it would be a +capital thing for him to have a home of his own and a devoted wife to +look after him. Their income would be small, but not smaller than that +of most young couples in Oxford, who contrived, nevertheless, to live +refined and pleasant lives and to be well-considered in a society where +money positively did not count. + +But if Fletcher did not succeed in forwarding this matrimonial scheme in +the dining-room, his wife succeeded no better when the gentlemen came +into the drawing-room. She rose from a sofa in the corner, leaving Milly +seated there; but Mr. Toovey made his way straight to Miss Flaxman, +without a glance to right or left, and bending over her before he seated +himself at her side, fixed upon her a patronizing, a possessive smile +which would have made some girls long for a barbarous freedom in the +matter of face-slapping. But Milly Flaxman was meek. She took Archibald +Toovey's seriousness for depth, and as his attentions had become +unmistakable, had several times lain awake at night tormenting herself +as to whether her behavior towards him was or was not right. Accordingly +she submitted to being monopolized by Mr. Toovey, while Ian Stewart +turned away and made himself pleasant to an unattractive lady-visitor of +the Fletchers', who looked shy and left-alone. When Mrs. Fletcher tried +to effect a change of partners, Ian explained that he found himself +unexpectedly obliged to attend a College meeting at ten o'clock. In a +place where there are no offices to close and business engagements are +liable to crop up at any time in the evening, there was no need for +extravagance of apology for this early departure. + +He changed his shoes in the narrow hall and put on his seedy-looking +dark overcoat, quite unconscious that Mrs. Fletcher had had the collar +mended since he had taken it off. Then he went out into the damp +November night, unlit by moon or star. But to Stewart the darkness of +night, on whatever corner of earth he might chance to find it descended, +remained always a romantic, mysterious thing, setting his imagination +free among visionary possibilities, without form, but not for that void. +The road between the railing of the parks and the row of old lopped +elms, was ill-lighted by the meagre flame of a few gas-lamps and hardly +cheered by the smothered glow of the small prison-like windows of Keble, +glimmering through the bare trees. There was not a sound near, except +the occasional drip of slow-collecting dews from the branches of the old +elms. Afar, too, many would have said there was not a sound; but there +was, and Ian's ear was attuned to catch it. The immense inarticulate +whisper of night came to him. It came to him from the deserted parks, +from the distant Cherwell flowing through its willow-roots and +osier-islands, from the flat meadow-country beyond, stretching away to +the coppices of the low boundary hills. It was a voice made up of many +whispers, each imperceptible, or almost imperceptible in itself; whisper +of water and dry reeds, of broken twigs and dry leaves fluttering to the +ground, of heaped dead leaves or coarse winter grass, stirring in some +slight movement of the air. It seemed to his imagination as though under +the darkness, in the loneliness of night, the man-mastered world must be +secretly transformed, returned to its primal freedom; and that could he +go forth into it alone, he would find it quite different from anything +familiar to him, and might meet with something, he knew not what, +secret, strange, and perhaps terrible. + +Such fancies, though less crystallized than they must needs be by words, +floated in the penumbra of his mind, coming to him perhaps with the +blood of remote Highland ancestors, children of mountains and mist. His +reasonable self was perfectly aware that should he go, he would find +nothing in the open fields at that hour except a sleeping cow or two, +and would return wet as to the legs, and developing a severe cold for +the morning. But he heard these far-off whisperings of the night +playing, as it were, a mysterious "ground" to his thoughts of Milly +Flaxman. The least fatuous of men, he had yet been obliged to see that +his friends in general and the Fletchers in particular, wished him to +marry Milly, and that the girl herself hung upon his words with a +tremulous sensitivity even greater than the enthusiastic female student +usually exhibits towards those of her lecturer. In the abstract he +intended to marry; for he did not desire to be left an old bachelor in +college. He had been waiting for the great experience of falling in +love, and somehow it had never come to him. There were probably numbers +of people to whom it never did come. Should he now give up all hope of +it, and make a marriage of reason and of obligingness, such as his +marriage with Miss Flaxman would assuredly be? Thank Heaven! as her +tutor he could not possibly propose to her till she had got through the +Schools, so there were more than six months in which to consider the +question. + +And while he communed thus with himself, the mysterious whispers of the +night came nearer to him, in the blackness of garden trees, ancient +trees of College gardens brooding alone, whispering alone through the +dark hours, of that current of young life which is still flowing past +them; how for hundreds of years it has always been flowing, and always +passing, passing, passing so quickly to the great silent sea of death +and oblivion, to the dark night whose silence is only sometimes stirred +by vague whispers, anxious yet faint, dying upon the ear before the +sense can seize them. + + + + +CHAPTER II + + +Parties in Oxford always break up early, and Milly had a good excuse for +carrying her aching, disappointed heart back to Ascham at ten o'clock, +for every one knew she was working hard. Too hard, Mr. Fletcher said, +looking concernedly at her heavy eyes, mottled complexion, and the +little crumples which were beginning to come in her low white forehead. +Her cousins, however, had more than a suspicion that these marks of care +and woe were not altogether due to her work, but that Ian Stewart was +accountable for most of them. + +The Professor escorted her to the gates of the Ladies' College; but she +walked down the dark drive alone, mindful of familiar puddles, and +hearing nothing of those mysterious whispers of night which in Ian +Stewart's ears had breathed a "ground" to his troubled thoughts of her. + +She mounted the stairs to her room at the top of the house. It was an +extremely neat room, and by day, when the bed was disguised as a sofa, +and the washstand closed, there was nothing to reveal that it served as +a bedroom, although a tarnished old mirror hung in a dark corner. The +oak table and pair of brass candlesticks upon it were kept in shining +order by Milly's own zealous hands. + +Milly found her books open at the right place and her writing materials +ready to hand. In a very few minutes her outer garments and simple +ornaments were put away, and clothed in a clean but shrunk and faded +blue dressing-gown, she sat down to work. The work was Aristotle's +_Ethics_, and she was going through it for the second time, amplifying +her notes. But this second time the Greek seemed more difficult, the +philosophic argument more intricate than ever. She had had very little +sleep for weeks, and her head ached in a queer way as though something +inside it were strained very tight. It was plain that she had come to +the end of her powers of work for the present--and she had calculated +that only by not wasting a day, except for a week's holiday at Easter, +could she get through all that had to be done before the Schools! + +She put Aristotle away and opened Mommsen, but even to that she could +not give her attention. Her thoughts returned to the bitter +disappointment which the evening had brought. Ian Stewart had been next +her at dinner, but even then he had talked to her rather less than to +Mrs. Shaw. Afterwards--well, perhaps it was only what she deserved for +not making it plain to poor Mr. Toovey that she could never return his +feelings. And now the First, which she had looked to as a thing that +would set her nearer the level of her idol, was dropping below the +horizon of the possible. Aunt Beatrice always said--and she was +right--that tears were not, as people pretended, a help and solace in +trouble. They merely took the starch out of you and left you a poor +soaked, limp creature, unfit to face the hard facts of life. But +sometimes tears will lie heavy and scalding as molten lead in the brain, +until at length they force their way through to the light. And Milly +after blowing her nose a good deal, as she mechanically turned the pages +of Mommsen, at length laid her arms on the book and transferred her +handkerchief to her eyes. But she tried to look as though she were +reading when Flora Timson came in. + +"At it again, M.! You know you're simply working yourself stupid." + +Thus speaking, Miss Timson, known to her intimates at Ascham as "Tims," +wagged sagely her very peculiar head. A crimson silk handkerchief was +tied around it, turban-wise, and no vestige of hair escaped from +beneath. There was in fact none to escape. Tims's sallow, comic little +face had neither eyebrows nor eyelashes on it, and her small figure was +not of a quality to triumph over the obvious disadvantages of a tight +black cloth dress with bright buttons, reminiscent of a page's suit. + +Milly pushed the candles farther away and looked up. + +"I was wanting to see you, Tims. Do tell me whether you managed to get +out of Miss Walker what Mr. Stewart said about my chances of a First." + +Tims pushed her silk turban still higher up on her forehead. + +"I can always humbug Miss Walker and make her say lots of indiscreet +things," Tims returned, with labored diplomacy. "But I don't repeat +them--at least, not invariably." + +There was a further argument on the point, which ended by Milly shedding +tears and imploring to be told the worst. + +Tims yielded. + +"Stewart said your scholarship was A 1, but he was afraid you wouldn't +get your First in Greats. He said you had a lot of difficulty in +expressing yourself and didn't seem to get the lead of their philosophy +and stuff--and--and generally wanted cleverness." + +"He said that?" asked Milly, in a low, sombre voice, speaking as though +to herself. "Well, I suppose it's better for me to know--not to go on +hoping, and hoping, and hoping. It means less misery in the end, no +doubt." + +There was such a depth of despair in her face and voice that Tims was +appalled at the consequence of her own revelation. She paced the room in +agitation, alternately uttering incoherent abuse of her friend's folly +and suggesting that she should at once abandon the ungrateful School of +_Literae Humaniores_ and devote herself like Tims, to the joys of +experimental chemistry and the pleasures of practical anatomy. + +Meantime, Milly sat silent, one hand supporting her chin, the other +playing with a pencil. + +At length Tims, taking hold of Milly under the arms, advised her to "go +to bed and sleep it off." + +Milly rose dully and sat on the edge of her bed, while Tims awkwardly +removed the hair-pins which Mrs. Shaw had so deftly put in. But as she +was laying them on the little dressing-table, Milly suddenly flung +herself down on the bed and lay there a twisted heap of blue flannel, +her face buried in the pillows, her whole body shaken by a paroxysm of +sobs. Tims supposed that this might be a good thing for Milly; but for +herself it created an awkward situation. Her soothing remarks fell flat, +while to go away and leave her friend in this condition would seem +brutal. She sat down to "wait till the clouds rolled by," as she phrased +it. But twenty minutes passed and still the clouds did not roll by. + +"Look here, M." she said, argumentatively, standing by the bed. "You're +in hysterics. That's what's the matter with you." + +"I know I am," came in tones of muffled despair from the pillow. + +"Well!" Tims was very stern and accented her words heavily, +"then--pull--yourself--together--dear girl. Sit up!" + +Milly sat up, pressed her handkerchief over her face, and held her +breath. For a minute all was quiet; then another violent sob forced a +passage. + +"It's no use, Tims," she gasped. "I cannot--cannot--stop. Oh, what +would--!" She was going to say, "What would Aunt Beatrice think of me if +she knew how I was giving way!" but a fresh flood of tears suppressed +her speech. "My head's so bad! Such a splitting headache!" + +Tims tried scolding, slapping, a cold sponge, every remedy inexperience +could suggest, but the hysterical weeping could not be checked. + +"Look here, old girl," she said at length, "I know how I can stop you, +but I don't believe you'll let me do it." + +"No, not that, Tims! You know Miss Burt doesn't--" + +"Doesn't approve. Of course not. Perhaps you think old B. would approve +of the way you're going on now. Ha! Would she!" + +The sarcasm caused a new and alarming outburst. But finally, past all +respect for Miss Burt, and even for Lady Thomson herself, Milly +consented to submit to any remedy that Tims might choose to try. + +She was assisted hurriedly to undress and put to bed. Tims knew the +whereabouts of the prize-medal which Milly had won at school, and +placing the bright silver disk in her hand, directed her to fix her eyes +upon it. Seated on her heels on the patient's bed, her crimson turban +low on her forehead, her face screwed into intent wrinkles, Tims began +passing her slight hands slowly before Milly's face. + +The long slender fingers played about the girl's fair head, sometimes +pressed lightly upon her forehead, sometimes passed through her fluffy +hair, as it lay spread on the pillow about her like an amber cloud. + +"Don't cry, M.," Tims began repeating in a soft, monotonous voice. +"You've got nothing to cry about; your head doesn't ache now. Don't +cry." + +At first it was only by a strong effort that Milly could keep her +tear-blinded eyes fixed on the bright medal before her; but soon they +became chained to it, as by some attractive force. The shining disk +seemed to grow smaller, brighter, to recede imperceptibly till it was a +point of light somewhere a long way off, and with it all the sorrows and +agitations of her mind seemed also to recede into a dim distance, where +she was still aware of them, yet as though they were some one else's +sorrows and agitations, hardly at all concerning her. The aching tension +of her brain was relaxed and she felt as though she were drowning +without pain or struggle, gently floating down, down through a green +abyss of water, always seeing that distant light, showing as the sun +might show, seen from the depths of the sea. + +Before a quarter of an hour had passed, her sobs ceased in sighing +breaths, the breaths became regular and normal, the whole face slackened +and smoothed itself out. Tims changed the burden of her song. + +"Go to sleep, Milly. What you want is a good long sleep. Go to sleep, +Milly." + +Milly was sinking down upon the pillow, breathing the calm breath of +deep, refreshing slumber. Tims still crouched upon the bed, chanting her +monotonous song and contemplating her work. At length she slipped off, +conscious of pins-and-needles in her legs, and as she withdrew, Milly +with a sudden motion stretched her body out in the white bed, as +straight and still almost as that of the dead. The movement was +mechanical, but it gave a momentary check to Tims's triumph. She leaned +over her patient and began once more the crooning song. + +"Go to sleep, M.! What you want is a good long sleep. Go to sleep, +Milly!" + +But presently she ceased her song, for it was evident that Milly Flaxman +had indeed gone very sound asleep. + + + + +CHAPTER III + + +Tims was proud of the combined style and economy of her dress. She was +constantly discovering and revealing to an unappreciative world the +existence of superb tailors who made amazingly cheap dresses. For two +years she had been vainly advising her friends to go to the man who had +made her the frock she still wore for morning; a skirt and coat of tweed +with a large green check in it, a green waistcoat with gilt buttons, and +green gaiters to match. In this costume and coiffed with a man's wig, of +the vague color peculiar to such articles, Tims came down at her usual +hour, prepared to ask Milly what she thought of hypnotism now. But there +was no Milly over whom to enjoy this petty triumph. She climbed to the +top story as soon as breakfast was over, and entering Milly's room, +found her patient still sleeping soundly, low and straight in the bed, +just as she had been the preceding night. She was breathing regularly +and her face looked peaceful, although her eyes were still stained with +tears. The servant came in as Tims was looking at her. + +"I've tried to wake Miss Flaxman, miss," she said. "She's always very +particular as I should wake her, but she was that sound asleep this +morning, I 'adn't the 'eart to go on talking. Poor young lady! I expect +she's pretty well wore out, working away at her books, early and late, +the way she does." + +"Better leave her alone, Emma," agreed Tims. "I'll let Miss Burt know +about it." + +Miss Burt was glad to hear Milly Flaxman was oversleeping herself. She +had not been satisfied with the girl's appearance of late, and feared +Milly worked too hard and had bad nights. + +Tims had to go out at ten o'clock and did not return until +luncheon-time. She went up to Milly's room and knocked at the door. As +before, there was no answer. She went in and saw the girl still sound +asleep, straight and motionless in the bed. Her appearance was so +healthy and natural that it was absurd to feel uneasy at the length of +her slumber, yet remembering the triumph of hypnotism, Tims did feel a +little uneasy. She spoke to Miss Burt again about Milly's prolonged +sleep, but Miss Burt was not inclined to be anxious. She had strictly +forbidden Tims to hypnotize--or as she called it, mesmerize--any one in +the house, so that Tims said no more on the subject. She was working at +the Museum in the early part of the afternoon, only leaving it when the +light began to fail. But after work she went straight back to Ascham. +Milly was still asleep, but she had slightly shifted her position, and +altogether there was something about her aspect which suggested a +slumber less profound than before. Tims leaned over her and spoke +softly: + +"Wake up, M., wake up! You've been asleep quite long enough." + +Milly's body twitched a little. A responsive flicker which was almost a +convulsion, passed over her face; but she did not awake. It was evident, +however, that her spirit was gradually floating up to the surface from +the depths of oblivion in which it had been submerged. Tims took off her +Tam-o'-Shanter and ulster, and revealed in the simple elegance of the +tweed frock with green waistcoat and gaiters, put the kettle on the +fire. Then she went down-stairs to fetch some bread and butter and an +egg, wherewith to feed the patient when she awoke. + +She had not long left the room when the slumberer's eyes opened +gradually and stared with the fixity of semi-consciousness at a stem of +blossoming jessamine in the wall-paper. Then she slowly stretched her +arms above her head until some inches of wrist, slight and round and +white, emerged from the strictly plain night-gown sleeve. So she lay, +till suddenly, almost with a start, she pulled herself up and looked +about her. The gaze of her wide-open eyes travelled questioningly around +the quiet-toned room which two windows at right angles to each other +still kept light with the reflection of a yellow winter sunset. She +pushed the bedclothes down, dropped first one bare white foot, then the +other to the ground and looked doubtfully at a pair of worn felt +slippers which were placed beside the bed, before slipping her feet into +them. With the same air as of one assuming garments which do not belong +to her, she put on the faded blue flannel dressing-gown. Then she walked +to the southern window. None of the glories of Oxford were visible from +it; only the bare branches of trees through which appeared a huddle of +somewhat sordid looking roofs and the unimposing spire of St. Aloysius. +With the same air, questioning yet as in a dream, she turned to the +western window, which was open. Below, in its wintry dulness, lay the +garden of the College, bounded by an old gray wall which divided it from +the straggling street; beyond that, a mass of slate roofs. But a certain +glory was on the slate roofs and all the garden that was not in shadow. +For away over Wytham, where the blue vapor floated in the folds of the +hills, blending imperceptibly with the deep brown of the leafless woods, +sunset had lifted a wide curtain of cloud and showed between the gloom +of heaven and earth, a long straight pool of yellow light. + +She leaned out of the window. A mild fresh air which seemed to be +pouring over the earth through that rift in heaven which the sunset had +made, breathed freshly on her face and the yellow light shone on her +amber hair, which lay on her shoulders about the length of the hair of +an angel in some old Florentine picture. + +Miss Burt in galoshes and with a wrap over her head was coming up the +garden. She caught sight of that vision of gold and pale blue in the +window and smiled and waved her hand to Milly Flaxman. The vision +withdrew, trembling slightly as though with cold, and closed the +window. + +Tims came in, carrying a boiled egg and a plate of bread and butter. +Tims put down the egg-cup and the plate on the table before she relaxed +the wrinkle of carefulness and grinned triumphantly at her patient. + +"Well, old girl," she asked; "what do you say to hypnotism now? Put +_you_ to sleep, right enough, anyhow. Know what time it is?" + +The awakened sleeper made a few steps forward, leaned her hands on the +table, on the other side of which Tims stood, and gazed upon her with +startling intentness. Then she began to speak in a rapid, urgent voice. +Her words were in themselves ordinary and distinct, yet what she said +was entirely incomprehensible, a nightmare of speech, as though some +talking-machine had gone wrong and was pouring out a miscellaneous stock +of verbs, nouns, adjectives and the rest without meaning or cohesion. +Certain words reappeared with frequency, but Tims had a feeling that the +speaker did not attach their usual meaning to them. This travesty of +language went on for what appeared to the transfixed and terrified +listener quite a long time. At length the serious, almost tragic, +babbler, meeting with no response save the staring horror of Tims's too +expressive countenance, ended with a supplicating smile and a glance +which contrived to be charged at once with pathos and coquetry. This +smile, this look, were so totally unlike any expression which Tims had +ever seen on Milly's countenance that they heightened her feeling of +nightmare. But she pulled herself together and determined to show +presence of mind. She had already placed a basket-chair by the fire +ready for her patient, and now gently but firmly led Milly to it. + +"Sit down, Milly," she said--and the use of her friend's proper name +showed that she felt the occasion to be serious--"and don't speak again +till you've had some tea. Your head will be clearer presently, it's a +bit confused now, you know." + +The stranger Milly, still so unlike the Milly of Tims's intimacy, far +from exerting the unnatural strength of a maniac, passively permitted +herself to be placed in the chair and listened to what Tims was saying +with the puzzled intentness of a child or a foreigner, trying to +understand. She laid her head back in its little cloud of amber hair, +and looked up at Tims, who, frowning portentously, once more with lifted +finger enjoined silence. Tims then concealing her agitation behind a +cupboard-door, reached down the tea-things. By some strange accident the +methodical Milly's teapot was absent from its place; a phenomenon for +which Tims was thankful, as it imposed upon her the necessity of leaving +her patient for a few minutes. Shaking her finger again at Milly still +more emphatically, she went out, and locked the door behind her. After a +moment's thought, she reluctantly decided to report the matter to Miss +Burt. But Miss Burt was closeted with the treasurer and an architect +from London, and was on no account to be disturbed. So Tims went up to +her own room and rapidly revolved the situation. She was certain that +Milly was not physically ill; on the contrary, she looked much better +than she had looked on the previous day. This curious affection of the +speech-memory might be hysterical, as her sobbing the night before had +been, or it might be connected with some little failure of circulation +in the brain; an explanation, perhaps, pointed to by the extraordinary +length of her sleep. Anyhow, Tims felt sceptical as to a doctor being of +any use. + +She went to her cupboard to take out her own teapot, and her eye fell +upon a small medicine bottle marked "Brandy." Milly was a convinced +teetotaller; all the more reason, thought Tims, why a dose of alcohol +should give her nerves and circulation a fillip, only she must not know +of it, or she would certainly refuse the remedy. + +Pocketing the bottle and flourishing the teapot, Tims mounted again to +Milly's room. Her patient, who had spent the time wandering about the +room and examining everything in it, as well as she could in the +fast-falling twilight, resumed her position in the chair as soon as she +heard a step in the passage, and greeted her returning keeper with an +attractive smile. Tims uttering words of commendation, slyly poured some +brandy into one of the large teacups before lighting the candles. + +"Now, my girl," she said, when she had made the tea, "drink this, and +you'll feel better." + +Milly leaned forward, her round chin on her hand, and looked intently at +the tea-service and at the proffered cup. Then she suddenly raised her +head, clapped her hands softly, and cried in a tone of delighted +discovery, "Tea!" + +"Excuse me," she added, taking the cup with a little bow; and in two +seconds had helped herself to three lumps of sugar. Tims was surprised, +for Milly never took sugar in her tea. + +"That's right, M., you're going along well!" cried Tims, standing on the +hearth-rug, with one hand under her short coat-tails, while she gulped +her own tea, and ate two pieces of bread and butter put together. Milly +ate hers and drank her tea daintily, looking meanwhile at her companion +with wonder which gradually gave way to amusement. At length leaning +forward with a dimpling smile, she interrogated very politely and quite +lucidly. + +"Pardon me, sir, you are--? Ah, the doctor, no doubt! My poor head, you +see!" and she drew her fingers across her forehead. + +Tims started, and grabbed her wig, as was her wont in moments of +agitation. She stood transfixed, the teacup at a dangerous angle in her +extended hand. + +"Good God!" she ejaculated. "You are mad and no mistake, my poor old +girl." + +The "old girl" made a supreme effort to contain herself, and then burst +into a pretty, rippling laugh in which there was nothing familiar to +Tims's ear. She rose from her chair vivaciously and took the cup from +Tims's hand, to deposit it in safety on the chimney piece. + +"How silly I was!" she cried, regarding Tims sparklingly. "Do you know I +was not quite sure whether you were a man or a woman. Of course I see +now, and I'm so glad. I do like men, you know, so much better than +women." + +"Milly," retorted Tims, sternly, settling her wig. "You are mad, you +need not be bad as well. But it's my own fault for giving you that +brandy. You know as well as I do that I hate men--nasty, selfish, +guzzling, conceited, guffawing brutes! I never wanted to speak to a man +in my life, except in the way of business." + +Milly waved her amber head gracefully for a moment as though at a loss, +then returned playfully, "That must be because the women spoil you so." + +Tims smiled sardonically; but regaining her sense of the situation, out +of which she had been momentarily shocked, applied herself to the +problem of calling back poor Milly's wandering mind. + +"Sit down, my girl," she said, abruptly, putting her arm around Milly's +body, so soft and slender in the scanty folds of the blue dressing-gown. +Milly obeyed precipitately. Then drawing a small chair close to her, +Tims said in gentle tones which could hardly have been recognized as +hers: + +"M., darling, do you know where you are?" + +Milly turned on her a face from which the unnatural vivacity had fallen +like a mask; the appealing face of a poor lost child. + +"Am I--am I--in a _maison de sante_?" she asked tremulously, fixing her +blue eyes on Tims, full of piteous anxiety. + +"A lunatic asylum? Certainly not," replied Tims. "Now don't begin +crying again, old girl. That's how the trouble began." + +"Was it?" asked Milly, dreamily. "I thought it was--" she paused, +frowning before her in the air, as though trying to pursue with her +bodily vision some recollection which had flickered across her +consciousness only to disappear. + +"Well, never mind that now," said Tims, hastily; "get your bearings +right first. You're in Ascham College." + +"A College!" repeated Milly vaguely, but in a moment her face +brightened, "I know. A place of learning where they have professors and +things. Are you a professor?" + +"No, I'm a student. So are you." + +Milly looked fixedly at Tims, then smiled a melancholy smile. "I see," +she said, "we're both studying--medicine--medicine for the mind." She +stood up, locked her hands behind her head in her soft hair and wailed +miserably. "Oh, why won't some kind person come and tell me where I am, +and what I was before I came here?" + +Tears of wounded feelings sprang to Tims's eyes. "Milly, my beauty!" she +cried despairingly, "I'm trying to be kind to you and tell you +everything you want to know. Your name is Mildred Flaxman and you used +to live in Oxford here, but now all your people have gone to Australia +because your father's got a deanery there." + +"Have they left me here, mad and by myself?" asked Milly; "have I no one +to look after me, no one to give me a home?" + +"I suppose Lady Thomson or the Fletchers would," returned Tims, "but you +haven't wanted one. You've been quite happy at Ascham. Do try and +remember. Can't you remember getting your First in Mods. and how you've +been working to get one in Greats? Your brain's been right enough until +to-day, old girl, and it will be again. I expect it's a case of collapse +of memory from overwork. Things will come back to you soon and I'll help +you all I can. Do try and recollect me--Tims." There was an unmistakable +choke in Tims's voice. "We have been such chums. The others are all +pretty nasty to me sometimes--they seem to think I'm a grinning, wooden +Aunt Sally, stuck up for them to shy jokes at. But you've never once +been nasty to me, M., and there's precious few things I wouldn't do to +help you. So don't go talking to me as though there weren't any one in +the world who cared a brass farthing about you." + +"I'm sure I'm most thankful to find I have got some one here who cares +about me," returned Milly, meekly, passing her hand across her eyes for +lack of a handkerchief. "You see, it's dreadful for me to be like this. +I seem to know what things are, and yet I don't know. A little while ago +it seemed to me I was just going to remember something--something +different from what you've told me. But now it's all gone again. Oh, +please give me a handkerchief!" + +Tims opened one of Milly's tidy drawers and sought for a handkerchief. +When she had found it, Milly was standing before the high +chimney-piece, over which hung a long, low mirror about a foot wide and +divided into three parts by miniature pilasters of tarnished gilt. The +mirror, too, was tarnished here and there, but it had been a good glass +and showed undistorted the blue Delft jars on the mantel-shelf, glimpses +of flickering firelight in the room, amber hair and the tear-bedewed +roses of a flushed young face. Suddenly Milly thrust the jars aside, +seized the candle from the table, and, holding it near her face, looked +intently, anxiously in the glass. The anxiety vanished in a moment, but +not the intentness. She went on looking. Tims had always perceived +Milly's beauty--which had an odd way of slipping through the world +unobserved--but had never seen her look so lovely as now, her eyes wide +and brilliant, and her upper lip curved rosily over a shining glimpse of +her white teeth. + +Beauty had an extraordinary fascination for Tims, poor step-child of +nature! Now she stood looking at the reflection of Milly without +noticing how in the background her own strange, wizened face peered dim +and grotesque from the tarnished mirror, like the picture of a witch or +a goblin behind the fair semblance of some princess in a fairy tale. + +"I do remember myself partly," said Milly, doubtfully; "and yet--somehow +not quite. I suppose I shall remember you and this queer place soon, if +they don't put me into a mad-house at once." + +"They sha'n't," said Tims, decisively. "Trust to me, M., and I'll see +you through. But I'm afraid you'll have to give up all thought of your +First." + +"My what," asked Milly, turning round inquiringly. + +"Your First Class, your place, you know, in the Final Honors School, +Lit. Hum., the biggest examination of the lot." + +"Do I want it very much, my First?" + +"Want it? I should just think you do want it!" + +Milly stared at the fire for a minute, warming one foot before she spoke +again. Then: + +"How funny of me!" she observed, meditatively. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + + +Tims's programme happened to be full on the following day, so that it +was half-past twelve before she knocked at Milly's door and was +admitted. Milly stood in the middle of the room in an attitude of +energy, with her small wardrobe lying about her on the floor in +ignominious heaps. + +"Tell me, Tims," said Milly, after the first inquiries, "are those +positively all the clothes I possess?" + +"Of course they are, M. What do you want with more?" + +"Are they in the fashion?" asked Milly, anxiously. + +Tims stared. + +"Fashion! Good Lord, M.! What does it matter whether you look the same +as every fool in the street or not?" + +"Oh, Tims!" cried Milly, laughing that pretty rippling laugh so strange +in Tims's ears. "I was quite right when I made a mistake, you're just +like a man. All the better. But you can't expect me not to care a bit +about my clothes like you, you really can't." + +Tims drew herself up. + +"You're wrong, my girl, I'm a deal fonder of frocks than you are. I +always think," she added, looking before her dreamily, "that I was +meant to be a very good dresser, only I was brought up too economical." +Generally speaking, when Tims had uttered one of her deepest and truest +feelings, she would glance around, suddenly alert and suspicious to +surprise the twinkle in her auditor's eye. But in the clear blue of +Milly Flaxman's quiet eyes, she had ceased to look for that tormenting +twinkle, that spark which seemed destined to dance about her from the +cradle to the grave. + +Presently she found herself hanging up Milly's clothes while Milly paid +no attention; for she alternately stood before the glass in the dark +corner, and kneeled on the hearth-rug, curling-tongs in hand. And the +hair, the silky soft amber hair, which could be twisted into a tiny ball +or fluffed into a golden fleece at will, was being tossed up and pulled +down, combed here and brushed there, altogether handled with a zeal and +patience to which it had been a stranger since the days when it had been +the pride of the nursery. Tims the untidy, as one in a dream, went on +tidying the room she was accustomed to see so immaculate. + +"There!" cried Milly, turning, "that's how I wear it, isn't it?" + +"Good Lord, no!" exclaimed Tims, contemplating the transformed Milly. +"It suits you, M., in a way, but it looks queer too. The others will all +be hooting if you go down-stairs like that." + +Milly plumped into a chair irritably. + +"How ever am I to know how I did my hair if I can't remember? Please do +it for me." + +Tims smiled sardonically. + +"I'll lend you my hair," she said; "the second best. But _do_ your hair! +You really are as mad as a hatter." + +Milly shrugged her shoulders. + +"You can't? Then I keep it like this," she said. + +An argument ensued. Tims left the room to try and find a photograph of +Milly as she had been. + +When she returned she found her friend standing in absorbed +contemplation of a book in her hand. + +"This is Greek, isn't it?" she asked, holding it up. Her face wore a +little frown as of strained attention. + +"Right you are," shrieked Tims in accents of relief. "Greek it is. Can +you read it?" + +"Not yet," replied Milly, flushing with excitement, "but I shall soon, I +know I shall. Last night I couldn't make head or tail of the books. Now +I understand right enough what they are, and I know some are in Greek +and some in English. I can't read either yet, but it's all coming back +gradually, like the daylight coming in at the window this morning." + +"Hooray! Hooray!" shouted Tims. "You'll be reading as hard as ever in a +week if I don't look after you. But see here, my girl, you've given me a +nasty jar, and I'm not going to let you break your heart or crack your +brain in a wild-goose chase. You can't get that First, you know; you're +on a fairly good Second Class level, and you'd better make up your mind +to stay there." + +"A fairly good Second Class level!" repeated Milly, still turning the +leaves of the book. "That doesn't sound very exhilarating--and I rather +think I shall do as I like about staying there." + +Tims began to heat. + +"Well, that's what Stewart said about you. I don't believe I told you +half plain enough what Stewart did say, for fear of hurting your +feelings. He said you are a good scholar, but barring that, you weren't +at all clever." + +Milly looked up from her book; but she was not tearful. There was a curl +in her lip and the light of battle in her eye. + +"Stewart said that, did he? Now if I were a gentleman I should +say--'damn his impudence'--and 'who the devil is Stewart'; but then I'm +not. You can say it." + +Tims stared. "Oh, come, I say!" she exclaimed. "I don't swear, I only +quote. But my goodness, when you remember who Stewart is, you'll +be--well, pained to think of the language you're using about him." + +"Why?" asked Milly, her head riding disdainfully on her slender neck. + +"Because he's your tutor and lecturer--and a regular tiptop man at Greek +and all that--and you--you respect him most awfully." + +"Do I?" cried Milly--"did perhaps in my salad days. I've no respect +whatever for professors now, my good Tims. I know what they're like. +Here's Stewart for you." + +She took up a pen and a scrap of paper and dashed off a clever ludicrous +sketch of a man with long hair, an immense brow, and spectacles. + +"Nonsense!" said Tims; "that's not a bit like him." + +She held the paper in her hand and looked fixedly at it. Milly had been +wont seriously to grieve over her hopeless lack of artistic talent and +she had never attempted to caricature. Tims was thinking of a young +fellow of a college who had lately died of brain disease. In the earlier +stages of his insanity, it had been remarked that he had an originality +which had not been his when in a normal state. What if her friend were +developing the same terrible disease? If it were so, it was no use +fussing, since there was no remedy. Still, she felt a desperate need to +take some sort of precaution. + +"If I were you, M.," she said, "I'd go to bed and keep very quiet for a +day or two. You're so--so odd, and excited, they'd notice it if you went +down-stairs." + +"Would they?" asked Milly, suddenly sobered. "Would they say I was mad?" +An expression of fear came into her face, and its strangely luminous +eyes travelled around the room with a look as of some trapped creature +seeking escape. + +There was an awkward pause. + +"I'm not mad," affirmed Milly, swallowing with a dry throat. "I'm +perfectly sensible, but any one would be odd and excited too who +was--was as I am--with a number of words and ideas floating in my mind +without my having the least idea where they spring from. Please, Tims +dear, tell me how I am to behave. I should so hate to be thought queer, +wanting in any way." + +Tims considered. + +"For one thing, you mustn't talk such a lot. You never have been one for +chattering; and lately, of course, with your overwork, you've been +particularly quiet. Don't talk, M., that's my advice." + +"Very well," replied Milly, gloomily. + +Tims hesitated and went on: + +"But I don't see how you're going to hide up this business about your +memory. I wish you'd let me tell old B., anyhow." + +"I won't have any one told," cried Milly. "Not a creature. If only +you'll help me, dear, dear Tims--you will help me, won't you?--I shall +soon be all right, and no one except you will ever know. No one will be +able to shrug their shoulders and say, whatever I do, 'Of course she's +crazy.' I should hate it so! I know I can get on if I try. I'm much +cleverer than you and that silly old Stewart think. Promise me, promise +me, darling Tims, you won't betray me!" + +Tims was not weak-minded, but she was very tender-hearted and +exceedingly susceptible to personal charms. She ought not, she knew she +ought not, to have yielded, but she did. She promised. Yet in her +friend's own interest, she contended that Milly must confess to a +certain failure of memory from over-fatigue, if only as a pretext for +dropping her work for a while. It was agreed that Milly should remain in +bed for several days, and she did so; less bored than might have been +expected, because she had the constant excitement of this or that bit of +knowledge filtering back into her mind. But this knowledge was purely +intellectual. With Tims's help she had recovered her reading powers, and +although she felt at first only a vague recognition of something +familiar in the sense of what she read, it was evident that she was fast +regaining the use of the treasures stored in her brain by years of +dogged and methodical work. But the facts and personalities which had +made her own life seemed to have vanished, leaving "not a wrack behind." + +Tims, having primed her well beforehand, brought in the more important +girls to see her, and by dint of a cautious reserve she passed very well +with them, as with Miss Burt and Miss Walker. Tims seemed to feel much +more nervous than Milly herself did when she joined the other students +as usual. + +There were moments when Tims gasped with the certainty that the +revelation of her friend's blank ignorance of the place and people was +about to be made. Then Mildred--for so, despising the soft diminutive, +she now desired to be called--by some extraordinary exertion of tact and +ingenuity, would evade the inevitable and appear on the other side of +it, a little elated, but otherwise serene. It was generally marked that +Miss Flaxman was a different creature since she had given up worrying +about her Schools, and that no one would have believed how much prettier +she could make herself by doing her hair a different way. + +Miss Burt, however, was somewhat puzzled and uneasy. Although Milly was +looking unusually well, it was evident that all was not quite right with +her, for she complained of a failure of memory, a mental fatigue which +made it impossible for her to go to lectures, and she seemed to have +lost all interest in the Schools, which had so lately been for her the +"be-all" as well as the "end-all here." Miss Burt knew Milly's only near +relation in England, Lady Thomson, intimately; and for that reason +hesitated to write to her. She knew that Beatrice Thomson had no +patience with the talk--often silly enough--about girls overworking +their brains. She herself had never been laid up in her life, except +when her leg was broken, and her views on the subject of ill-health were +marked. She regarded the catching of scarlet-fever or influenza as an +act of cowardice, consumption or any organic disease as scarcely, if at +all, less disgraceful than drunkenness or fraud, while the countless +little ailments to which feminine flesh seems more particularly heir she +condemned as the most deplorable of female failings, except the love of +dress. + +Eventually Miss Burt did write to Lady Thomson, cautiously. Lady Thomson +replied that she was coming up to town on Thursday, and could so arrange +her journey as to have an hour and a half in Oxford. She would be at +Ascham at three-thirty. Mildred rushed to Tims with the agitating news +and both were greatly upset by it. However, Aunt Beatrice had got to be +faced sometime or other and Mildred's spirit rose to the encounter. + +She had by this time provided herself with another dress, encouraged to +do so by the money in hand left by the frugal Milly the First. She had +got a plain tailor-made coat and skirt, in a becoming shade of brown; +and with the unbecoming hard collar _de rigueur_ in those days, she wore +a turquoise blue tie, which seemed to reflect the color of her eyes. And +in spite of Tims's dissuasions, she put on the new dress on Thursday, +and declined to screw her hair up in the old way, as advised. + +Accordingly on Thursday at twenty-five minutes to four, Mildred +appeared, in answer to a summons, in the quiet-colored, pleasant +drawing-room at Ascham, with its French windows giving on to the lawn, +where some of the girls were playing hockey, not without cries. Her +first view of Aunt Beatrice was a pleasant surprise. A tall, upstanding +figure, draped in a long, soft cloak trimmed with fur, a handsome face +with marked features, marked eyebrows, a fine complexion and bright +brown eyes under a wide-brimmed felt hat. + +Having exchanged the customary peck, she waited in silence till Mildred +had seated herself. Then surveying her niece with satisfaction: + +"Come, Milly," said she, in a full, pleasant voice; "I don't see much +signs of the nervous invalid about you. Really, Polly," turning to Miss +Burt, "she has not looked so well for a long time." + +"She's been much better since she dropped her work," replied Miss Burt. + +"Taking plenty of fresh air and exercise, I suppose"--Aunt Beatrice +smiled kindly on her niece--"I'm afraid I've kept you from your hockey +this afternoon, Milly." + +"Oh no, Aunt Beatrice, certainly not," replied Milly, with the extreme +courtesy of nervousness. "I never play hockey now." + +Lady Thomson turned to the Head with a shade of triumph in her +satisfaction. + +"There, Polly! What did I tell you? I was sure there was something else +at the bottom of it. Steady work, methodically done, never hurt anybody. +But of course if she's given up exercise, her liver or something was +bound to get out of order." + +"No, really, I take lots of exercise," interposed Milly; "only I don't +care for hockey, it's such a horrid, rough, dirty game; don't you think +so? And Miss Walker got a front tooth broken last winter." + +Lady Thomson looked at her in a surprised way. + +"Well, if you've not been playing hockey, what exercise have you been +taking?" + +"Walks," replied Milly, feebly, feeling herself on the wrong track; "I +go walks with Ti--with Flora Timson when she has time." + +Aunt Beatrice looked at the matter judicially. + +"Of course, games are best for the physique. Look at men. Still, walking +will do, if one takes proper walks. I hope Flora Timson takes you good +long walks." + +"Indeed she does!" cried Milly. "Immense! She walks a dreadful pace, and +we get over stiles and things." + +"Immense is a little vague. How far do you go on an average?" + +Mildred's notions of distance were vague. "Quite two miles, I'm sure," +she responded, cheerfully. + +Aunt Beatrice made no comment. She looked steadily and scrutinizingly +at her niece, and in a kind but deepened voice told her to go up to her +room, whither she, Lady Thomson, would follow in a few minutes, just to +see how the Mantegnas looked now they were framed. + +As soon as the door had closed behind Mildred, she turned to Miss Burt. +"You're right, in a way, Polly, after all. There is something odd about +Milly, but I think it's affectation. Did you hear her answer? Two miles! +When to my knowledge she can easily walk ten." + +Meantime, Mildred mounted slowly to her room. She had tidied it under +Tims's instructions and had nothing to do but to sit down and think +until Lady Thomson's masculine step was heard outside her door. + +Aunt Beatrice came in and laid aside her hat and cloak, showing a dress +of rough gray tweed, and short--so far a tribute to the practical--but +otherwise made on some awkward artistic or hygienic principle. Her +glossy brown hair was brushed back and twisted tight, as Milly's used to +be, but with different effect, because of its heaviness and length. + +"Why have you crammed up one of your windows with a dressing-glass?" +asked Aunt Beatrice, putting a picture straight. + +"Because I can't see myself in that dark corner," returned Mildred, +demurely meek, but waiting her opportunity. + +"See yourself! My dear child, you hardly ever want to see yourself, if +you are habitually neat and dressed sensibly. I see you've adopted the +mannish style. That's a phase of vanity. You'll come back to the +beautiful and natural before long." + +Mildred leaned back in her chair and clasped her hands behind her head. + +"I don't think so, Aunt Beatrice. I've settled the dress question once +and for all. I've found a clean, tidy, convenient style of dress and I +can't waste time thinking about altering it again." + +"You don't seem to mind wasting it on doing your hair," returned Aunt +Beatrice, smiling, but not grimly, for she enjoyed logical fencing, even +to her opponent's fair hits. + +"If I had beautiful hair like yours, I shouldn't need to," replied +Mildred. "But you know how endy and untidy mine always was." + +Aunt Beatrice, embarrassed by the compliment, looked at her watch. "It +seems as if we women can't escape our fate," she said. "Here we are +gabbling about dress when we've plenty of important things to talk over. +Miss Burt wrote to me that you were overworked, run down, nerves out of +order, and all the usual nonsense. I'm thankful to find you looking +remarkably well. I should like to know what this humbug about not being +able to work means." + +"It means that--well, I simply can't," returned Mildred, earnestly this +time. "I can't remember things." + +"You must be able to remember; unless your brain's diseased, which is +most improbable. But I ought to take you to a brain specialist, I +suppose." + +Milly changed color. "Please, oh please, Aunt Beatrice, don't do that!" + +Lady Thomson, in fact, hardly meant it; for her niece's appearance was +unmistakably healthy. However, the threat told. + +"I shall if you don't improve. I can't understand you. Either you're +hysterical or you've got one of those abominable fits of frivolity which +come on women like drink on men, and destroy their careers. I thought we +had both set our hearts on your getting another First." + +"But, Aunt Beatrice, they say I can't. They say I'm not clever enough." + +"Oh, that's what they say, is it?" Lady Thomson smiled in calm but deep +contempt. "How do they explain the idiots who have got Firsts? Archibald +Toovey, for instance?" Her eyes met her niece's, and both smiled. + +"Ah, yes! Mr. Toovey," returned Milly, who had met Archibald Toovey at +the Fletchers', and converted his patronizing courtship into imbecile +raptures. + +"But that quite explains your losing an interest in your work. Just for +once, I should like to take you away before the end of term. We would go +straight to Rome next Monday. We shall meet the Breretons there, and go +fully over the new excavations and discoveries, besides the old things, +which will be new, of course, to you. Then we will go on to Naples, do +the galleries and Pompeii, and come back by Florence and Paris before +Christmas. By that time you will be ready to settle down to your work +steadily again and forget all this nonsense." + +Mildred's face had lighted up momentarily at the word "Rome." Then she +sucked her under lip and looked at the fire. When Lady Thomson's +programme was ended, she made a pause before she said, slowly: + +"Thank you so much, dear Aunt Beatrice. I should love to go, but--I +don't think--no, I don't think I'd better. You see, there's the +expense." + +"Of course I don't expect you to pay for yourself. I take you." + +"How very kind and sweet of you! But--well, do you know, you've +encouraged me so about that. First, I feel now as though I could sit +down and get it straight away. I will get it, Aunt Beatrice, if only to +make that old Professor look foolish." + +Lady Thomson, though disappointed in a way, felt that Milly Flaxman was +doing credit to her principles, showing a spirit worthy of her family. +She did not urge the Roman plan; but content with a victory over "nerves +and the usual nonsense," withdrew triumphant to the railway station. + +Tims came in when she was gone and heard about the Roman offer. + +"You refused, when Aunt Beatrice was going to plank down the dollars? +M., you are a fool!" + +"No, Tims," Mildred answered, deliberately; "you see, I don't feel sure +yet whether I can manage Aunt Beatrice." + + + + +CHAPTER V + + +Oxford is beautiful at all times, beautiful even now, in spite of the +cruel disfigurement inflicted upon her by the march of modern vulgarity, +but she has three high festivals which clothe her with a special glory +and crown her with their several crowns. One is the Festival of May, +when her hoary walls and ancient enclosures overflow with emerald and +white, rose-color and purple and gold, a foam of leafage and blossom, +breaking spray-like over edges of stone, gray as sea-worn rocks. And all +about the city the green meadows and groves burn with many tones of +color, brilliant as enamels or as precious stones, yet of a texture +softer and richer, more full of delicate shadows than any velvet mantle +that ever was woven for a queen. + +Another Festival comes with that strayed bacchanal October, who hangs +her scarlet and wine-colored garlands on cloister and pinnacle, on wall +and tower. And gradually the foliage of grove and garden, turns through +shade of bluish metallic green, to the mingled splendor of pale gold and +beaten bronze and deepest copper, half glowing and half drowned in the +low, mellow sunlight, and purple mist of autumn. + +Last comes the Festival of Mid-winter, the Festival of the Frost. The +rime comes, or the snow, and the long lines of the buildings, the +fret-work of stone, the battlements, carved pinnacles and images of +saints or devils, stand up with clear glittering outlines, or clustered +about and overhung with fantasies of ice and snow. Behind, the deep-blue +sky itself seems to glitter too. The frozen floods glitter in the +meadows, and every little twig on the bare trees. There is no color in +the earth, but the atmosphere of the river valley clothes distant hills +and trees and hedges with ultramarine vapor. Towards evening the mist +climbs, faintly veiling the tall groves of elms and the piled masses of +the city itself. The sunset begins to burn red behind Magdalen Tower, +all the towers and aery pinnacles rise blue yet distinct against it. And +this festival is not only one of nature. The glittering ice is spread +over the meadows, and, everywhere from morning till moonlight, the +rhythmical ring of the skate and the sound of voices sonorous with the +joy of living, travel far on the frosty air. Sometimes the very rivers +are frozen, and the broad, bare highway of the Thames and the +tree-sheltered path of the Cherwell are alive with black figures, +heel-winged like Mercury, flying swiftly on no errand, but for the mere +delight of flying. + +It was early on such a shining festival morning that Mildred, a willowy, +brown-clad figure, came down to a piece of ice in an outlying meadow. +Her shadow moved beside her in the sunshine, blue on the whiteness of +the snow, which crunched crisp and thin under her feet. She carried a +black bag in her hand--sign of the serious skater, and her face was +serious, even apprehensive. She saw with relief that except the sweepers +there was no one on the ice. A row of shivering men, buttoned up to the +chin in seedy coats, rose from the chairs where they awaited their +appointed prey, and all yelled to her at once. She crowned the hopes of +one by occupying his seat, but the important task of putting on the +bladed boots she could depute to none. Tims, whom no appeal of +friendship could induce to shiver on the ice, had told her that Milly +was an expert skater. She was, in fact, correct and accomplished, but +there was a stiffness and sense of effort about her style, a want of +that appearance of free and daring abandonment to the stroke of the +blade once launched, that makes the beauty of skating. Mildred knew only +that she had to live up to the reputation of a mighty skater, and was +not sure whether she could even stand on these knifelike edges. She +laced one boot, happy in the belief that at any rate there would be no +witness to her voyage of discovery. But a renewed yelling among the men +made her lift her head, and there, striding swiftly over the crisp snow, +came a tall, handsome young man, with a pointed, silky black beard and +fine, short-sighted black eyes, aglow with the pleasure of the frosty +sun. + +It was Ian Stewart. The young lady whom he discovered to be Miss Flaxman +just as he reached the chairs, was much more annoyed than he at the +encounter. Here was an acquaintance, it seemed, and one provided with +the bag and orange which Tims had warned her was the mark of the +serious skater. They exchanged remarks on the weather and she went on +lacing her other boot in great trepidation. The moment was come. She did +not recoil from the insult of being seized under her elbows by two men +and carefully planted on her feet as though she were most likely to +tumble down. So far as she knew, she was likely to. But, lo! no sooner +was she up than muscles and nerves, recking nothing of the brain's blind +denial, asserted their own acquaintance with the art of balance and +motion. Wondering, and for a few minutes still apprehensive, but +presently lost in the pleasure of the thing, Mildred began to fly over +the ice. And the dark, handsome man who had taken off his cap to her +became supremely unimportant. Unluckily the piece of flood-ice was not +endless and she had to come back. He was circling around an orange, and +she, throwing herself instinctively on to the outside edge, came down +towards him in great, sweeping curves, absorbed in the delight of this +motion, so new yet so perfectly under her control. Ian Stewart, +perceiving that the girl was absolutely unconscious of his presence, +blushed in his soul to think that he had been induced to believe himself +to be of importance in her eyes. + +"Miss Flaxman," he said, skating up to her, "I see you have no orange. +Can't we skate a figure together around mine?" + +"I've forgotten all about figures," replied Mildred, with truth. + +"Try some simple turns," he urged. "There are plenty here," and he held +up a book in his hand like the one she had found in her own black bag. +But it had "Ian Stewart, Durham College," written clearly on the +outside. + +"So that's Stewart!" thought Milly; and she could not help laughing at +her own thoughts, which had created him in a different image. + +Stewart did not know why she laughed, but he found the sound and sight +of the laugh new and charming. + +"It's awfully kind of you to undertake my education in another branch, +Mr. Stewart," she answered, pouting, "in spite of having found out that +I'm not at all clever." + +She smiled at him mutinously, sweeping towards the orange with head +thrown back over her left shoulder. Momentarily the poise of her head +recalled the attitude of the portrait of Lady Hammerton, beckoning her +unseen companions to that far-off mysterious mountain country, where the +torrents shine so whitely through the mist and the red line of sunset +speaks of coming night. + +Stewart colored, slightly confused. This brutal statement did not seem +to him to represent the just and candid account he had given Miss Walker +of Miss Flaxman's abilities. + +"Some one's been misreporting me, I see," he returned. "But anyhow, on +the ice, Miss Flaxman, it's you who are the Professor; I who am the +pupil. So I offer you a fair revenge." + +Accordingly, Mildred soon found herself placed at a due distance from +the orange, with Stewart equally distant from it on the other side. +After a few minutes of extreme uneasiness, she discovered that although +she had to halt at each fresh call, she had a kind of mechanical +familiarity with the simple figures which he gave her. + +Stewart, though learned, was human; and to sweep now at the opposite +pole to his companion, now with a swing of clasping hands at the centre +of their delightful dance, his eyes always perforce on his charming +partner, and her eyes on him, undeniably raised the pleasure of skating +to a higher power than if he had circled the orange in company with mere +man. + +So they fleeted the too-short time in the sparkling blue and white +world, drinking the air like celestial wine. + +The Festival of the Frost had fallen in the Christmas Vacation, and +Oxford society in vacation is essentially different from that of +Term-time, when it is overflowed by men who are but birds of passage, +coming no one inquires whence, and flitting few know whither. The party +that picnicked, played hockey, danced and figured on their skates +through the weeks of the frost, was in those days almost like a family +party. So it happened that Ian Stewart met the new Miss Flaxman in an +atmosphere of friendly ease that years of term-time society would not +have afforded him. How new she was he did not guess, but supposed the +change to be in his own eyes. Other people, however, saw it. Her very +skating was different. It had gained in grace and vigor, but she was +seldom seen wooing the serious and lonely orange around which Milly had +acquired the skill that Mildred now enjoyed. On the contrary, she +initiated an epidemic of frivolity on the ice in the shape of waltzing +and hand-in-hand figures in general. + +Ian Stewart, too, neglected the orange and went in for hand-in-hand +figures that season. Other things, too, he neglected; work, which he had +never before allowed to suffer measurably from causes within his +control; and far from blushing for his idleness, he rejoiced in it, as +the surest sign of all that for him the Festival of Spring had come in +the time of nature's frost. + +It was not only the crisp air, the frequent sun, the joyous flights over +the ringing ice that made his blood run faster through his veins and +laughter come more easily to his lips; that aroused him in the morning +with a strange sense of delight, as though some spirit had awakened him +with a glad reveille at the window of his soul. He, too, was in Arcady. +That in itself should be sufficient joy; he knew he must restrain his +impatience for more. Not till the summer, when the lady of his heart had +ceased to be also his pupil, must he make avowal of his love. + +Mildred on her part found Stewart the most attractive of the men with +whom she was acquainted. As yet in this new existence of hers, she had +not moved outside the Oxford circle--a circle exceptional in England, +because in it intellectual eminence, not always recognized, when +recognized receives as much honor as is accorded to a great fortune or +a great name in ordinary society. Stewart's abilities were of a kind to +be recognized by the Academic world. He was already known in the +Universities of the Continent and America. Oxford was proud of him; and +although Mildred had no desire to marry as yet, it gratified her taste +and her vanity to win him for a lover. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + + +Mildred had had no desire to spend her vacations with Lady Thomson, and +on the ground of her reading for the Schools, had been allowed to spend +them in Oxford. Tims, who had no relations, remained with her. She had +for Mildred a sentiment almost like that of a parent, besides an +admiration for which she was slightly ashamed, feeling it to be +something of a slur on the memory of Milly, her first and kindest +friend. + +Mildred had recovered her memory for most things, but the facts of her +former life were still a blank to her. She had begun to work for her +First in order to evade Aunt Beatrice; but the fever of it grew upon +her, either from the ambient air of the University or from a native +passion to excel in all she did. Her teachers were bewildered by the +mental change in Miss Flaxman. The qualities of intellectual swiftness, +vigor, pliancy, whose absence they had once noted in her, became, on the +contrary, conspicuously hers. Once initiated into the tricks of the +"Great Essay" style, she could use it with a dexterity strangely in +contrast with the flat and fumbling manner in which poor Milly had been +wont to express her ideas. But in the region of actual knowledge, she +now and again perpetrated some immense and childish blunder, which made +the teachers, who nursed and trained her like a jockey or a race-horse, +tremble for the results of the Greats Examination. + +All too swiftly the date of the Schools loomed on the horizon; drew +near; was come. The June weather was glorious on the river, but in the +town, above all in the Examination Schools, it was very hot. The sun +glared pitilessly in through the great windows of the big T-shaped room, +till the temperature was that of a greenhouse. The young men in their +black coats and white ties looked enviously at the girl candidate, the +only one, in her white waist and light skirt. They envied her, too, her +apparent indifference to a crisis that paled the masculine cheek. In +fact, Mildred was nervous, but her nerves were strung up to so high a +pitch that she was sensitive neither to temperature nor to fatigue, nor +to want of sleep. And at the service of her quick intelligence and ready +pen lay all the stored knowledge of Milly the First. + +On the last day, when the last paper was over, Tims came and found her +in the big hall, planting the pins in her hat with an almost feverish +energy. Although it was five o'clock, she said she wanted air, not tea. +The last men had trooped listlessly down the steps of the Schools and +the two girls stood there while Mildred drew on her gloves. The sun +wearing to the northwest, shone down that curve of the High Street which +all Europe cannot match. The slanting gold illumined the gray face of +the University and the wide pavement, where the black-gowned victims of +the Schools threaded their sombre way through groups of joyous youths in +flannels and ladies in summer attire. On the opposite side cool shadows +were beginning to invade the sunshine, to slant across the old houses, +straight-roofed or gabled, the paladian pile of Queen's, the mediaeval +front of All Souls, with its single and perfect green tree, leading up +to the consummation of the great spire of St. Mary's. + +Already, from the tall bulk of the nave, a shadow fell broad across the +pavement. But still the heat of the day reverberated from the stones +about them. They turned down to the Botanical Gardens and paced that +gray enclosure, full of the pride of branches and the glory of flowers +and overhung by the soaring vision of Magdalen Tower. Mildred was +walking fast and talking volubly about the Examination and everything +else. + +"Look here, old girl," said Tims at last, when they reached for the +second time the seat under the willow trellis, "I'm going to sit down +here, unless you'll come to tea at Boffin's." + +"I don't want to sit down," returned Mildred, seating herself; "or to +have tea or anything. I want to be just going, going, going. I feel as +though if I stop for a minute something horrid will happen." + +Tims wrinkled her whole face anxiously. + +"Don't do that, Tims," cried Mildred, sharply. "You look hideous." + +Tims colored, rose and walked away. She suddenly thought, with tears in +her eyes, of the old Milly who would never have spoken to her like +that. By the time she had reached the little basin in the middle of the +garden, where the irises grew, Mildred had caught her up. + +"Tims, dear old Tims! What a wretch I am! I couldn't help letting off +steam on something--you don't know what I feel like." + +Tims allowed herself to be pacified, but in her heart there remained a +yearning for her earlier and gentler friend--that Milly Flaxman who was +certainly not dead, yet as certainly gone out of existence. + +It was towards the end of the last week of Term, and the gayeties of +Commemoration had already begun. Mildred threw herself into them with +feverish enjoyment. She seemed to grudge even the hours that must be +lost in the unconsciousness of sleep. The Iretons, cousins from India, +who had never known the former Milly, took a house in Oxford for a week. +She went with them to three College balls and a Masonic, and spent the +days in a carnival of luncheon and boating-parties. She attracted plenty +of admiration, and enjoyed herself wildly, yet also purposefully; +because she was trying to get rid of that haunting feeling that if she +stopped a minute "something horrid would happen." + +Stewart meantime was finding love not so entirely beautiful and +delightful a thing as he had at first imagined it. In his dreamy way he +had overlooked the fact of Commemoration, and planned when Term was over +to find Mildred constantly at the Fletchers' and to be able to arrange +quiet days on the river. But if he found her there, she was always in +company, and though she made herself as charming to him as usual, she +showed no disposition to forsake all others and cleave only to him. He +was not a dancing man, and suffered cruelly on the evenings when he knew +her to be at balls, and fancied all her partners in love with her. + +But on the Thursday after Commemoration, the Fletchers gave a strawberry +tea at Wytham, as a farewell festivity to their cousins. And Ian Stewart +was there. With Mrs. Fletcher's connivance, he took Mildred home alone +in a canoe, by the deep and devious stream which runs under Wytham +woods. She went on talking with a vivacious gayety which was almost +foolish. He saw that it was unreal and that her nerves were at high +tension. His own were also. He did not intend to propose to her that +day; but he could no longer restrain himself, and he began to speak to +her of his love. + +"Hush!" she cried, with a vehement gesture. "Not to-day! oh, not to-day! +I can't bear it!" She put her head on her knee and moaned again, "Not +to-day, I'm too tired, I really am. I can't bear it." + +This was all the answer he could get, and her manner left him in +complete uncertainty as to whether she meant to accept or to refuse him. + +Tims had been at the strawberry tea too, and came into Mildred's room in +the evening, curious to know what had happened. She found Mildred +without a light, sitting, or rather lying in a wicker chair. When the +candle was lighted she saw that Mildred was very pale and shivering. + +"You're overtired, my girl," she said. "That's what's the matter with +you." + +"Oh, Tims," moaned Mildred. "I feel so ill and so frightened. I know +something horrid's going to happen--I know it is." + +"Don't be a donkey," returned Tims. "I'll help you undress and then you +turn in. You'll be as jolly as a sandboy to-morrow." + +But Mildred was crying tremulously. "Oh, Tims, how dreadful it would be +to die!" + +"Idiot!" cried Tims, and shook Mildred with all her might. Mildred's +tiny sobs turned into a shriek of laughter. + +"My goodness!" ejaculated Tims; "you're in hysterics!" + +"I know I am," gasped Mildred. "I was laughing to think of what Aunt +Beatrice would say." And she giggled amid her tears. + +Tims insisted on her rising from the chair, undressing, and getting into +bed. Then she sat by her in the half-dark, waiting for the miserable +tears to leave off. + +"Don't cry, old girl, don't cry. Go to sleep and forget all about it," +she kept repeating, almost mechanically. + +At length leaning over the bed she saw that Mildred was asleep, lying +straight on her bed with her feet crossed and her hands laid on her +bosom. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + + +About noon on Friday Milly Flaxman awoke. She lay very quiet, sleepy and +comfortable, her eyes fixed idly on a curve in the jessamine-pattern +paper opposite her bed. The windows were wide open, the blinds down and +every now and again flapping softly, as a capricious little breeze went +by, whispering through the leafy trees outside. There seemed nothing +unusual in that; she always slept with her windows open. But as her +senses emerged from those mists which lie on the surface of the river of +sleep, she was conscious of a balmy warmth in the room, of an impression +of bright sunshine behind the dark blinds, and of noises from the +streets reaching her with a kind of sharpness associated with sunshine. +She sat up, looked at her watch, and was shocked to find how late she +had slept. She must have missed a lecture. Then the recollection of the +dinner-party at the Fletchers', the verdict of Mr. Stewart on her chance +of a First, and her own hysterical outburst returned to her, +overpowering all outward impressions. She felt calm and well now, but +unhappy and ashamed of herself. She put her feet out of bed and looked +round mechanically for her dressing-gown and slippers. Their absence was +unimportant, for no sense of chill struck through her thin night-gown +to her warm body, and going to the window, she drew up the blind. + +The high June sun struck full upon her, hot and dazzling, but not so +dazzling that she could not see the row of garden trees through whose +bare branches she had yesterday descried the squalid roofs of the town. +They were spreading now in a thick screen of fresh green leaves. She +leaned out, as though further investigation might explain the +phenomenon, and saw a red standard rose in full flower under her window. +The thing was exactly like a dream, and she tried to wake up but could +not. She was panic-stricken and trembling. Had she been very, very ill? +Was it possible to be unconscious for six months? She looked at herself +in a dressing-glass near the window, which she had never placed there, +and saw that she was pale and had dark marks under her eyes, but not +more so than had been the case in that yesterday so strangely and +mysteriously removed in time. Her slender white arms and throat were as +rounded as usual. And if she had been ill, why was she left alone like +this? She found a dressing-gown not her own, and went on a voyage of +discovery. But the other rooms on her floor were dismantled and +tenantless. The girls were gone and the servants were "cleaning" in a +distant part of the College. She felt incapable of getting into bed +again and waiting for some one to come, so she began dressing herself +with trembling hands. Every detail increased the sense of strangeness. +There were a number of strange clothes, ball-dresses and others, +hanging in her cupboard, strange odds and ends thrust confusedly into +her bureau. She found at length a blue cotton frock of her own, which +seemed just home from the wash. She had twisted up her hair and was +putting on the blue frock, when she heard a step on the stairs, and +paused with beating heart. Who was coming? How would the mystery be +resolved? The door opened and Tims came in--the old Tims, wrinkled face, +wig, and old straw hat on one side as usual. + +"Tims!" cried Milly, flying towards her and speaking with pale lips. +"Please, please tell me--what has happened? Have I been very ill?" And +she stared in Tims's face with a tragic mask of terror and anxiety. + +"Now take it easy--take it easy, M., my girl!" cried Tims, giving her a +great squeeze and a clap on the shoulder. "I'm jolly glad to see you +back. But don't let's have any more of your hysterics. No, never no +more!" + +"Have I been away?" asked Milly, her lips still trembling. + +"I should think you had!" exclaimed Tims. "But nobody knows it except +me. Don't forget that. Here's a note for you from old B. Read it first +or we shall both forget all about it. She had to go away early this +morning." + +Milly opened the note and read: + + "DEAR MILLY,--I am sorry not to say good-bye, but glad you + are sleeping off your fatigue. I want to tell you, between + ourselves, not to go on worrying about the results of the + Schools, as I think you are doing, in spite of your + pretences to the contrary. I hear you have done at least one + brilliant paper, and although I, of course, know nothing + certain, I believe you and the College will have reason to + rejoice when the list comes out. + + "Yours affectionately, + + "MARY BURT." + +"What does it mean?--oh, what can it mean?" faltered Milly, holding out +the missive to Tims. + +"It means you've been in for Greats, my girl, and done first-rate. But +the strain's been a bit too much for you, and you've had another +collapse of memory. You had one in the end of November. You've been +uncommonly well ever since, and worked like a Trojan, but you've not +been quite your usual self, and I'm glad you've come right again, old +girl. Let me tell you the whole business." + +Tims did so. She wanted social tact, but she had the tact of the heart +which made her hide from Milly how very different, how much more +brilliant and attractive Milly the Second had been than her normal self. +She only made her friend feel that the curious episode had entailed no +disgrace, but that somehow in her abnormal condition she had done well +in the Schools, and probably touched the top of her ambition. + +"But I don't feel as though it had been quite straightforward to hide it +up so," said Milly. "I shall write and tell Miss Burt and Aunt Beatrice, +and tell the Fletchers when I go to them." + +"You'll do nothing of the kind, you stupid," snapped Tims. "You'll be +simply giving me away if you do. What is the good? It won't happen +again unless you're idiot enough to overwork yourself again. Very likely +not then; for, as an open-minded, scientific woman, I believe it to have +been a case of hypnotism, and in France and the United States they'd +have thought it a very interesting one. But in England people are so +prejudiced they'd say you'd simply been out of your mind; although that +wouldn't prevent them from blaming me for hypnotizing you." + +While Tims spoke thus, there was a knocking without, and a maid +delivered a note for Miss Flaxman. Milly held it in her hands and +studied it musingly before opening the envelope. Her pale, troubled face +colored and grew more serious. Tims had not mentioned Ian Stewart, but +Milly had not forgotten him or his handwriting. Tims knew it too. She +restrained her excitement while Milly turned her back and stood by the +window reading the note. She must have read them several times over, the +two sides of the sheet inscribed with Stewart's small, scholarly +handwriting, before she turned her transfigured face towards the +anxiously expectant Tims. + +"Tims, dear," she said at length, smiling tremulously, and laying +tremulous hands on Tims's two thin shoulders--"dear old Tims, why didn't +you tell me?" + +"Tell you what?" asked Tims, grinning delightedly. Milly threw her arms +round her friend's neck and hid her happy tears and blushes between +Tims's ear and shoulder. + +"Mr. Stewart--it seems too good to be true--he loves me, he really does. +He wants me to be his wife." + +Most girls would have hugged and kissed Milly, and Tims did hug her, but +instead of kissing her, she banged and slapped her back and shoulders +hard all over, shaking the while with deep internal chuckles. It hurt, +but Milly did not mind, for it was sympathy. Presently she drew herself +away, and wiping her damp eyes, said, smiling shyly: + +"He's never guessed how much I care about him. I'm so glad. He says he +doesn't wonder at my hesitation and talks about others more worthy to +love me. But you know there isn't any one except Mr. Toovey. Poor Mr. +Toovey! I do hope I haven't behaved very badly to him." + +"Never mind Toovey," chuckled Tims. "Anyhow, Milly, I've got a good load +off my mind. I didn't half like having put that other girl into your +boots. However, you've come back, and everything's going to be all +right." + +"All right!" breathed Milly. "Why, Tims, darling, I never thought any +one in the world could be half so happy as I am." + +And Tims left Milly to write the answer for which Ian Stewart was so +anxiously waiting. + + * * * * * + +The engagement proceeded after the manner of engagements. No one was +surprised at it and every one was pleased. The little whirlpool of talk +that it created prevented Milly's ignorance of the events of the past +six or seven months from coming to the surface. She lay awake at night, +devising means of telling Ian about this strange blank in her life. But +she shrank from saying things that might make him suspect her of an +unsound mind. She had plainly been sane enough in her abnormal state, +and there was no doubt of her sanity now. She told him she had had since +the autumn, and still had, strange collapses of memory; and he said that +quite explained some peculiarities of her work. She tried to talk to him +about French experiments in hypnotism, and how it was said sometimes to +bring to light unsuspected sides of a personality. But he laughed at +hypnotism as a mixture of fraud and hysteria. So with many searchings of +heart, she dropped the subject. + +She was staying at the Fletchers' and saw Ian every day. He was all that +she could wish as a lover, and it never occurred to her to ask whether +he felt all that he himself could have wished as such. He was very fond +of Milly and quite content with her, but not perfectly content with +himself. He supposed he must at bottom be one of those ordinary and +rather contemptible men who care more for the excitement of the chase +than for the object of it. But he felt sure he was really a very lucky +fellow, and determined not to give way to the self-analysis which is +always said to be the worst enemy of happiness. + +Miss Flaxman had been the only woman in for Greats, and as a favor she +was taken first in _viva voce_. The questions were directed to probing +her actual knowledge in places where she had made one or two amazing +blunders. But she emerged triumphant, and went in good spirits to +Clewes, Aunt Beatrice's country home in the North, whither Ian Stewart +shortly followed her. Beyond the fact that she wore perforce and with +shame, not having money to buy others, frocks which Lady Thomson +disapproved, she was once more the adoring niece to whom her aunt was +accustomed. And Lady Thomson liked Ian. She never expected men to share +her fads. + +In due time came the announcement of the First, bringing almost as many +congratulatory letters as the engagement. And on August 2d Milly sailed +for Australia, where she was to spend two or three months with her +family. + +In October the newspapers announced that the marriage of Miss Mildred +Beatrice Flaxman, eldest daughter of the Dean of Stirling, South +Australia, with Mr. Ian Stewart, Fellow of Durham College, Oxford, would +take place at Oxford in the second week in December. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + + +"Madame dort toujours!" The dark-eyed, cherry cheeked, white-capped +chamber-maid of the Hotel du Chalet made the statement to the manager, +who occupied a glass case in the hall. "She must have been very tired +yesterday, pauvre petite!" + +The manager answered phlegmatically in French with a German accent: + +"So much the better if she sleeps. She does not eat. When the gentleman +went out he wanted sanveeches to put in his pocket. One does not want +sanveeches when one sleeps." + +"All the same, I wish she would wake up. It's so odd to see her sleeping +like that," returned the cherry-cheeked one; and passed about her +duties. + +The _dejeuner_ was over, and those guests who had not already gone out +for the day, were tramping about the bare, wooden passages and +staircase, putting on knitted gloves and shouting for their companions +and toboggans. But it was not till all had gone out and their voices had +died away on the clear, cold air, that the sleeper in No. 19 awoke. For +a while she lay with open eyes as still as though she were yet sleeping. +But suddenly she started up in bed and looked around her with frowning, +startled attention. She was in a rather large, bare bedroom with +varnished green wood-work and furniture and a green pottery stove. There +was an odd, thick paper on the wall, of no particular color, and a +painted geometrical pattern in the centre of the ceiling. It was a neat +room, on the whole, but on the bed beside her own a man's waistcoat had +been thrown, and in the middle of the floor a pair of long, shabby +slippers lay a yard apart from each other and upside down. There were +other little signs of masculine occupation. A startled movement brought +her sitting up on the bedside. + +"Married!" she whispered to herself. "How perfectly awful!" + +A fiery wave of anger that was almost hate swept through her veins, +anger against the unknown husband and against that other one who had the +power thus to dispose of her destiny, while she lay helpless in some +unfathomed deep between life and death. Swifter than light her thoughts +flew back to the last hours of consciousness which had preceded that +strange and terrible engulfment of her being. She remembered that Mr. +Stewart had tried to propose to her on the river and that she had not +allowed him to do so. Probably he had taken this as a refusal. She knew +nothing of any love of Milly's for him; only was sure that he had not +been in love with her, Mildred, when she first knew him; therefore had +not cared for her other personality. Who else was possible? With an +audible cry she sprang to her feet. + +"Toovey! Archibald Toovey!" + +The idea was monstrous, it was also grotesque; and even while she +plunged despairing fingers in her hair, she laughed so loud that she +might have been heard in the corridor. + +"Mrs. Archibald Toovey! Good Heavens! But that girl was perfectly +capable of it." + +Then she became more than serious and buried her face in her hands, +thinking. + +"If it is Mr. Toovey," she thought, "I must go away at once, wherever I +am. I can't have been married long. I am sure to have some money +somewhere. I'll go to Tims. Oh, that brute! That idiot!"--she was +thinking of Milly--"How I should like to strangle her!" + +She clinched her hands till the nails hurt her palms. Two photographs, +propped up on the top of a chest of drawers, caught her eye. She +snatched them. One was a wedding group, but there was no bridegroom; +only six bridesmaids. It was as bad as such things always are, and it +was evident that the dresses were ill-fitting, the hats absurd. Tims was +prominent among the bridesmaids, looking particularly ugly. The other +photograph might have seemed pretty to a less prejudiced eye. It was +that of a slight, innocent-looking girl in a white satin gown, "ungirt +from throat to hem," and holding a sheaf of lilies in her hand. Her hair +was loose upon her shoulders, crowned with a fragile garland and covered +with a veil of fine lace. + +"What a Judy!" commented Mildred, throwing the photograph fiercely away +from her. "Fancy my being married in a dressing-gown and having Tims +for a bridesmaid! Sickening!" + +But her anxiety with regard to the bridegroom dominated even this just +indignation. Somehow, after seeing the photographs, she was convinced he +must be Archibald Toovey. She determined to fly at once. The question +was, where was she? Not in England, she fancied. The stove had been +thrice-heated by the benevolent cherry-cheeked one, and the atmosphere +of the room was stifling. This, together with the cold outside, had +combined to throw a gray veil across the window-panes. She hastily put +on a blue Pyrenean wool dressing-gown, flung open a casement and leaned +out into the wide sunshine, the iced-champagne air. The window was only +on the first floor, and she saw just beneath a narrow, snowy strip of +ground, on either side and below it snow-sprinkled pinewoods falling, +falling steeply, as it were, into space. But far below the blue air +deepened into a sapphire that must be a lake, and beyond that gray +cliffs, remote yet fairly clear in the sunshine, rose streaked with the +blue shadows of their own buttresses. Above the cliffs, white and sharp +and fantastic in their outline, snowy mountain summits showed clear +against the deep blue sky. Between them, imperceptibly moving on its +secular way, hung the glacier, a track of vivid ultramarine and green, +looking like a giant pathway to the stars. Mildred guessed she was in +Switzerland. She knew that it should be easy to get back to England, yet +for her with her peculiar inexperience of life, it would not be easy. At +any rate, she would dash herself down some gray-precipice into that +lake below rather than remain here as the bride of Archibald Toovey. +Just as she was registering a desperate vow to that effect a man came +climbing up the woodland way to the left, a long-legged man in a +knickerbocker suit and gaiters. He stepped briskly out of the pinewood +on to the snowy platform below, and seeing her at the window, looked up, +smiling, and waved his cap, with a cry of "Hullo, Milly!" And it was not +Archibald Toovey. + +Mildred, relieved from the worst of fears, leaned from the window +towards him. A slanting ray caught the floating cloud of her amber hair, +her face glowed rosily, her eyes beamed on the new-comer, and she broke +into such an enchanting ripple of laughter as he had never heard from +those soft lips since it had been his privilege to kiss them. Then +something happened within him. Upon his lonely walk he had been overcome +by a depression against which he had every day been struggling. He had +been disappointed in his marriage, now some weeks old--disappointed, +that is, with himself, because of his own incapacity for rapturous +happiness. Yet a year ago on the ice at Oxford, six months ago in the +falling summer twilight on the river, under Wytham Woods, he had thought +himself as capable as any man of feeling the joys and pains of love. In +the sequel it had seemed that he was not; and just as he had lost all +hope of finding once again that buried treasure of his heart, it had +returned to him in one delightful moment, when he stood as it were on +the top of the world in the crisp, joyous Alpine air, and his eyes met +the eyes of his young wife, who leaned towards him into the sunshine and +laughed. He could not possibly have told how long the golden vision +endured; only that suddenly, precipitately, it withdrew. A "spirit in +his feet" sent him bounding up the bare, shallow hotel stairs, two steps +at a time, dropping on every step a cake of snow from his boots, to melt +and make pools on the polished wood. The manager, who respected none of +his guests except those who bullied him, called out a reprimand, but +received no apology. + +Stewart strode with echoing tread down the corridor towards No. 19, +eager to hold that slender, girlish wife of his in his arms and to press +kisses on the lips that had laughed at him so sweetly from above. The +walls of the hotel were thin, and as he approached the door he heard a +quick, soft scurry across the room on the other side, and in his swift +thought saw Milly flying to meet him, just relieved from one absurd +anxiety about his safety and indulging another on the subject of his wet +feet. A smile of tender amusement visited his lips as he took hold of +the door-handle. Exactly as he touched it, the key on the other side +turned. The lock had been stiff, but it had shot out in the nick of +time, and he found himself brought up short in his impulsive career and +hurtling against a solid barrier. He knocked, but no one answered. He +could have fancied he heard panting breaths on the other side of the +ill-fitting door. + +"Mayn't I come in, darling?" he asked, gently, but with a shade of +reproach in his voice. + +"No, you can't," returned Milly's voice; hers, but with an accent of +coldness and decision in it which struck strangely on his ear. He +paused, bewildered. Then he remembered how often he had read that women +were capricious, unaccountable creatures. Milly had made him forget +that. Her attitude towards him had been one of unvarying gentleness and +devotion. Vaguely he felt that there was a kind of feminine charm in +this sudden burst of coldness, almost indifference. + +"Is anything the matter, dear?" he asked. "Aren't you well?" + +"Quite well, thank you," came the curt voice through the door. Then +after a minute's hesitation: "What do you want?" + +Ian smiled to himself as he answered: + +"My feet are wet. I want to change." + +He was a delicate man, and if he had a foible which Milly could be said +to execrate, it was that of "sitting in wet feet." He expected the door +to fly open; but it did nothing of the kind. There was not a trace of +anxiety in the grudging voice which replied, after a pause: + +"I suppose you want dry shoes and stockings. I'll give them to you if +you'll wait." + +He stood bewildered, a little pained, not noticing the noisy opening and +shutting of several ill-fitting drawers in the room. Yet Milly always +put away his things for him and should have known where to find them. +The door opened a chink and the shoes and stockings came flying through +on to the passage floor. He had a natural impulse to use his masculine +strength, to push the door open before she could lock it again, but +fortunately he restrained it. He went down-stairs slowly, shoes and +stockings in hand; threw them down behind the big green stove in the +smoking-room and lighted a meditative pipe. It was evidently a fact that +women were difficult to understand; even Milly was. He had been +uniformly kind and tender to her, and so far she had seemed more than +content with him as a husband. But beneath this apparent happiness of +hers had some instinct, incomprehensible to him, been whispering to her +that he did not love her as many men, perhaps most, loved their young +wives? That he had felt for her no ardor, no worship? If so, then the +crisis had come at the right moment; at the moment when, by one of those +tricks of nature which make us half acquiesce in the belief that our +personality is an illusion, that we are but cosmic automata, the power +of love had been granted to him again. Yet for all that--very +fortunately, seeing that the crisis was more acute than he was aware--he +did not fancy that his way lay plain before him. He began to perceive +that the cementing of a close union between a man and woman, two beings +with so abundant a capacity for misunderstanding each other, is a +complex and delicate affair. That to marry is to be a kind of Odysseus +advancing into the palace of a Circe, nobler and more humane than the +enchantress of old, yet capable also of working strange and terrible +transformations. That many go in there carrying in their hands blossoms +which they believe to be moly; but the true moly is not easy to +distinguish. And he hoped that he and Milly, in their different ways, +had found and were both wearing the milk-white flower. Yet he knew that +this was a matter which must be left to the arbitrament of time. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + + +On their return to Oxford the young couple were feted beyond the common. +People who had known Milly Flaxman in earlier days were surprised to +think how little they had noticed her beauty or guessed what a fund of +humor, what an extraordinary charm, had lurked beneath the surface of +her former quiet, grave manner. The Master of Durham alone refused to be +surprised. He merely affirmed in his short squeak that he had always +admired Mrs. Stewart very much. She was now frequently to be found in +the place of honor at those dinners of his, where distinguished visitors +from London brought the stir and color of the great world into the +austere groves, the rarefied atmosphere of Academe. + +Wherever she appeared, the vivid personality of Mrs. Stewart made a kind +of effervescence which that indescribable entity, a vivid personality, +is sure to keep fizzing about it. She was devoutly admired, fiercely +criticised, and asked everywhere. It is true she had quite given up her +music, but she drew caricatures which were irresistibly funny, and was a +tremendous success in charades. Everything was still very new to her, +everything interesting and amusing. She was enchanted with her house, +although Milly and Lady Thomson had chosen it, preferring to a villa in +the Parks an old gray house of the kind that are every day recklessly +destroyed by the march of modern vulgarity. She approved of the few and +good pieces of old furniture with which they had provided it; although +Lady Thomson could not entirely approve of the frivolity and +extravagance of the chintzes with which she helped the sunshine to +brighten the low, panelled rooms. But Aunt Beatrice, girt with +principles major and minor, armed with so Procrustean a measure for most +of her acquaintance, accepted Mildred's deviations with an astonishing +ease. The secret of personal magnetism is not yet discovered. It may be +that the _aura_ surrounding each of us is no mystic vision of the +Neo-Buddhists, but a physical fact; that Mildred's personality acted by +a power not moral but physical on the nerves of those who approached +her, exciting those of some, of the majority, pleasurably, filling +others with a nameless uneasiness, to account for which they must accuse +her manners or her character. + +To Ian Stewart the old panelled house with the walled garden behind, +where snowdrops and crocuses pushed up under budding orchard boughs, was +a paradise beyond any he had imagined. He found Mildred the most +adorable of wives, the most interesting of companions. Her defects as a +housekeeper, which Aunt Beatrice noted in silence but with surprise, +were nothing to him. He could not help pausing sometimes even in the +midst of his work, to wonder at his own good fortune and to reflect +that whatever the future might have in store, he would have no right to +complain, since it had been given to him to know the taste of perfect +happiness. + +Since his marriage he had been obliged to take more routine work, and +the Long Vacation had become more valuable to him than ever. As soon as +he had finished an Examination he had undertaken, he meant to devote the +time to the preparation of a new book which he had in his mind. Mildred, +seemingly as eager as himself that the book should be done, had at first +agreed. Then some of her numerous friends had described the pleasures of +Dieppe, and she was seized with the idea that they too might go there. +Ian, she said, could work as well at Dieppe as at Oxford or in the +country. Ian knew better; besides, his funds were low and Dieppe would +cost too much. For the first time he opposed Mildred's wishes, and to +her surprise she found him perfectly firm. There was no quarrel, but +although she was silent he felt that she did not yield her opinion and +was displeased with him. + +Late at night as he sat over Examination papers, his sensitive +imagination framed the accusations of selfishness, pedantry, +scrupulosity, which his wife might be bringing against him in the +"sessions of silent thought;" although it was clearly to her advantage +as much as to his own that he should keep out of money difficulties and +do work which counted. She had no fixed habits, and he flung down pipe +and pen, hoping to find her still awake. But she was already sound +asleep. The room was dark, but he saw her by the illumination of +distant lightning, playing on the edge of a dark and sultry world. His +appointed task was not yet done and he returned to the study, a long, +low, dark-panelled room, looking on the garden. The windows were wide +open on the hushed, warm, almost sulphurous darkness, from which frail +white-winged moths came floating in towards the shaded lamp on his +writing-table. He sat down to his papers and by an effort of will +concentrated his mind upon them. Habit had made such concentration easy +to him as a rule, but to-night, after half an hour of steady work, he +was mastered by an invading restlessness of mind and body. The cause was +not far to seek; he could hear all the time he worked the dull, almost +continuous, roar of distant thunder. All else was very still, it was +long past midnight and the town was asleep. + +He got up and paced the room once or twice, grasping his extinguished +pipe absently in his hand. Suddenly a blast seemed to spring out of +nowhere and rush madly round the enclosed garden, tossing the gnarled +and leafy branches of the old orchard trees and dragging at the long +trails of creepers on wall and trellis. It blew in at the windows, hot +as from the heart of the thunder-cloud, and waved the curtains before +it. It rushed into the very midst of the old house with its cavernous +chimneys, deep cellars, and enormous unexplored walls, filling it with +strange, whispering sounds, as of half articulate voices, here menacing, +there struggling to reveal some sinister and vital secret. The blast +died away, but it seemed to have left those voices still muttering and +sighing through the walls that had sheltered so many generations, such +various lives of men. Ian was used to the creaking and groaning of the +wood-work; he knew how on the staircase the rising of the boards, which +had been pressed down in the day, simulated ghostly footsteps in the +night. He was in his mental self the most rational of mortals, but at +times the Highland strain in his blood, call it sensitive or +superstitious, spoke faintly to his nerves--never before so strongly, so +over-masteringly as to-night. A blue blaze of crooked lightning +zigzagged down the outer darkness and seemed to strike the earth but a +little beyond the garden wall. Following on its heels a tremendous clap +of thunder burst, as it were, on the very chimneys. The solid house +shook to its foundations. But the tide of horrible, irrational fear +which swept over Ian's whole being was not caused by this mere +exaggerated commonplace of nature. He could give no guess what it was +that caused it; he only knew that it was agony. He knew what it meant to +feel the hair lift on his head; he knew what the Psalmist meant when he +said, "My bones are turned to water." And as he stood unable to move, +afraid to turn his head, abject and ashamed of his abjectness, he was +listening, listening for he knew not what. + +At length it came. He heard the stairs creak and a soft padding footstep +coming slowly down them; with it the brush of a light garment and +intermittently a faint human sound between a sigh and a sob. He did not +reflect that he could not really have heard such slight sounds through a +thick stone wall and a closed door. He heard them. The steps stopped at +the door; a hand seemed feeling to open it, and again there was a +painful sigh. The physical terror had not passed from him, but the +sudden though that it was his wife and that she was frightened or ill, +made him able to master it. He seized the lamp, because he knew the +light in the hall was extinguished, rushed to the door, opened it and +looked out. There was no one there. He made a hasty but sufficient +search and returned to the study. + +The extremity of his fear was now passed, but an unpleasantly eery +feeling still lingered about him and he had a very definite desire to +find himself in some warm, human neighborhood. He had left the door open +and was arranging the papers on his writing-table, when once again he +heard those soft padding feet on the stairs; but this time they were +much heavier, more hurried, and stumbled a little. He stood bent over +the table, a bundle of papers in his hand, no longer overcome by mortal +terror, yet somehow reluctant once more to look out and to see once +more--nothing. There was a sound outside the door, louder, hoarser than +the faint sob or sigh which he had heard before, and he seized the lamp +and turned towards it. Before he had made a step forward, the door was +pushed violently back and his wife came in, leaning upon it as though +she needed support. She was barefooted and dressed only in a long +night-gown, white, yet hardly whiter than her face. Her eyes did not +turn towards him, they stared in front of her, not with the fixed gaze +of an ordinary sleep-walker, but with purpose and intensity. She seemed +to see something, to pursue something, with starting eyes and +out-stretched arms; something she hated even more than she feared it, +for her lips were blanched and tightened over her teeth as though with +fury, and her smooth white forehead gathered in a frown. Again she +uttered that low, fierce sound, like that he had heard outside the door. +Then, loosing the handle on which she had leaned, she half sprung, half +staggered, with uplifted hand, towards an open window, beyond which the +rush of the thunder shower was just visible, sloping pallidly across the +darkness. She leaned out into it and uttered to the night a hoarse, +confused voice, words inchoate, incomprehensible, yet with a terrible +accent of rage, of malediction. This transformation of his wife, so +refined, so self-contained, into a creature possessed by an almost +animal fury, struck Ian with horror, although he accepted it as a +phenomenon of somnambulism. He approached but did not touch her, for he +had heard that it was dangerous to awaken a somnambulist. Her voice sank +rapidly to a loud whisper and he heard her articulate--"My husband! +Mine! Mine!"--but in no tone of tenderness, rather pronouncing the words +as a passionate claim to his possession. Then suddenly she drooped, half +kneeling on the deep window-seat, half fallen across the sill. He sprang +to catch her, but not before her forehead had come down sharply on the +stone edge of the outer window. He kneeled upon the window-seat and +gathered her gently in his arms, where she lay quiet, but moaning and +shuddering. + +"My husband!" she wailed, no longer furious now but despairing. "Ian! My +love! Ian! My life!--my life! My own husband!" + +Even in this moment it thrilled him to hear such words from her lips. He +had not thought she loved him so passionately. He lifted her on to a +deep old sofa at the end of the room, wrapped her in a warm Oriental +coverlet which hung there, and held her to his heart, murmuring love and +comfort in her cold little ear. It seemed gradually to soothe her, +although he did not think she really awoke. Then he put her down, +lighted the lamp outside, and, not without difficulty, carried her up to +bed. Her eyes were half closed when he laid her down and drew the +bedclothes over her; and a minute or two later, when he looked in from +his dressing-room, she was evidently asleep. + +When he got into bed she did not stir, and while he lay awake for +another hour, she remained motionless and breathing regularly. He +assured himself that the whole curious occurrence could be explained by +the electrical state of the atmosphere, which had affected his own +nerves in a way he would never humiliate himself by confessing to any +one. Those mysterious footsteps on the stairs which he had heard, +footsteps like his wife's yet not hers; that hand upon the door, that +voice of sighs, were the creation of his own excited brain. In time he +would doubtless come to believe his own assurances on the point, but +that night at the bottom of his heart he did not believe them. + + + + +CHAPTER X + + +Next morning, if Ian himself slept late, Milly slept later still. The +strained and troubled look which he had seen upon her face even in sleep +the night before, had passed away in the morning, but she lay almost +alarmingly still and white. He was reassured by remembering that once +when they were in Switzerland she had slept about sixteen hours and +awakened in perfect health. He remained in the house watching over her, +and about four o'clock she woke up. But she was very pale and very +quiet; exhausted, he thought, by her strange mental and physical +exertions of the night before. + +She came down to tea with her pretty hair unbecomingly twisted up, and +dressed in a brownish-yellow tea-gown, which he fancied he remembered +hearing her denounce as only fit to be turned into a table-cloth. He did +not precisely criticise these details, but they helped in the impression +of lifelessness and gloom that hung about her. It was a faint, gleamy +afternoon, and such sun as there was did not shine into the study. The +dark panelling looked darker than usual, and as she sat silent and +listless in a corner of the old sofa, her hair and face stood out +against it almost startling in their blondness and whiteness. She was +strangely unlike herself, but Stewart comforted himself by remembering +that she had been odd in her manner and behavior, though in a different +way, after her long sleep in Switzerland. After he had given her tea, he +suggested that they should walk in the garden, as the rain was over. + +"Not yet, Ian," she said. "I want to try and tell you something. I can +do it better here." + +Her mouth quivered. He sat down by her on the sofa. + +"Must you tell me now?" he asked, smiling. "Do you really think it +matters?" + +"Yes--it does matter," she answered, tremulously, pressing her folded +hands against her breast. "It's something I ought to have told you +before you married me--but indeed, indeed I didn't know how dreadful it +was--I didn't think it would happen again." + +He was puzzled a moment, then spoke, still smiling: + +"I suppose you mean the sleep-walking. Well, darling, it is a bit +creepy, I admit, but I shall get used to it, if you won't do it too +often." + +"Did I really walk?" she asked--and a look of horror was growing on her +face. "Ah! I wasn't sure. No--it's not that--it is--oh, don't think me +mad, Ian!" + +"Tell me, dearest. I promise I won't." + +"I've not been here at all since you've been living in this house. I've +not seen you, my own precious husband, since I went to sleep in +Switzerland, at the Hotel du Chalet--don't you remember--when we had +been that long walk up to the glacier and I was so tired?" + +Stewart was exceedingly startled. He paused, and then said, very gently +but very firmly: + +"That's nonsense, dearest. You have been here, you've been with me all +the time." + +"Ah! You think so, but it was not _I_--no, don't interrupt me--I mean to +tell you, I must, but I can't if you interrupt me. It was awfully wrong +of me not to tell you before; but I tried to, and then I saw you +wouldn't believe me. Do you remember a dinner-party at the Fletchers', +the autumn before we were engaged--when Cousin David had just bought +that picture?" + +"That portrait of Lady Hammerton, which is so like you? Yes, I remember +it perfectly." + +"You know I wanted my First so much and I had been working too hard, and +then I was told that evening that you had said I couldn't get it--" + +"Silly me!" + +"And I felt certain you didn't love me--" + +"Silly you!" + +"Don't interrupt me, please. And I wasn't well, and I cried and cried +and I couldn't leave off, and then I allowed Tims to hypnotize me. We +both knew she had no business to do it, it was wrong of us, of course, +but we couldn't possibly guess what would happen. I went to sleep, and +so far as I knew I never woke again for more than six months, not till +the Schools were over." + +"But, my darling, I skated with you constantly in the Christmas +Vacation, and took your work through the Term. I assure you that you +were quite awake then." + +"I remember nothing about it. All I know is that some one got my First +for me." + +"But, Mildred--" + +"Why do you call me Mildred? That's what they called me when I woke up +last time; but my own name's Milly." + +Stewart rose and paced the room, then came back. + +"It's simply a case of collapse of memory, dear. It's very trying, but +don't let's be fanciful about it." + +"I thought it was only that--I told you, didn't I, something of that +sort? But I didn't know then, nobody told me, that I wasn't like myself +at all those months I couldn't remember. Last night in my sleep I +knew--I knew that some one else, something else--I can't describe it, +it's impossible--was struggling hard with me in my own brain, my own +body, trying to hold me down, to push me back again into the place, +whatever it was, I came out of. But I got stronger and stronger till I +was quite myself and the thing couldn't really stop me. I dare say it +only lasted a few seconds, then I felt quite free--free from the +struggle, the pressure; and I saw myself standing in the room, with some +kind of white floating stuff over my head and about me, and I saw myself +open the door and go out of the room. I wasn't a bit surprised, but I +just lay there quiet and peaceful. Then suddenly it came to me that I +couldn't have seen myself, that the person, the figure I had seen go +out of the door was the other one, the creature I had been struggling +with, who had stolen my shape; and it came to me that she was gone to +steal you--to steal your heart from me and take you away; and you +wouldn't know, you would think it was I, and you would follow her and +love her and never know it was not your own wife you were loving. And I +was mad with anger; I never knew before what it meant, Ian, to be as +angry as that. I struggled hard to get up, and at last I managed it, and +I came down-stairs after her, but I couldn't find her, and I was sure +that she had gone and had taken you away with her. And you say I really +did come down-stairs." + +"Yes, darling, and if you had been awake instead of asleep, as you +obviously were, you would have seen that this nightmare of yours was +nothing but a nightmare. You would have seen that I was alone here, +quietly arranging my papers before going to bed. You gave me a fright +coming down as you did, for there was a tremendous thunderstorm going +on, and I am ashamed to say how queer my own nerves were. The electrical +state of the atmosphere and a very loud clap of thunder just overhead, +account for the whole business, which probably lasted only a few seconds +from beginning to end. Be reasonable, little woman, you are generally +the most reasonable person I know--except when you talk about going to +Dieppe." + +Milly gave him a strange look. + +"Why am I not reasonable when I talk about going to Dieppe?" + +He drew her to him and kissed her hair. + +"Never mind why. We aren't going to excite ourselves to-day or do +anything but make love and forget nightmares and everything +disagreeable." + +She drew herself away a little and looked with frightened eyes in his. + +"But I can't forget, Ian, that I don't remember anything that has +happened since we were on our honeymoon in Switzerland. And now we are +in Oxford, and I can see it's quite late in the summer. How can I forget +that somehow I am being robbed of myself--robbed of my life with you?" + +"Wait till to-morrow and you'll remember everything right enough." + +But Milly was not to be convinced. She was willing to submit on the +question of last night's experiences, but she assured him that Tims +would bear her out in the assertion that she had never recovered her +recollection of the months preceding her engagement. Ian ceased trying +to convince her that she was mistaken on this point; but he argued that +the memory was of all functions of the brain the most uncertain, that +there was no limit to its vagaries, which were mere matters of nerves +and circulation, and that Dr. Norton-Smith, the nerve and brain +specialist to whom he would take her, would probably turn out to have a +dozen patients subject to the same affliction as herself. One never +hears of half the ills that flesh is heir to until the inheritance falls +to one's own lot. + +Milly was a common-sense young woman, and his explanation, especially as +it was his, pacified her for the time. The clouds had been rolling away +while they talked, the space of deep blue sky overhead growing larger, +the sunshine fuller. There was a busy twittering and shaking of little +wings in the tall pear-tree near the house, where the tomtits in their +varied liveries loved to congregate. July was not far advanced and the +sun had still some hours in which to shine. Ian and Milly went out and +walked in the Parks. The tennis-club lawns were almost deserted, but +they met a few acquaintances taking their constitutional, like +themselves, and an exchange of ordinary remarks with people who took her +normality for granted, helped Milly to believe in it herself. So long as +the blank in her memory continued, she could not be free from care; but +she went to sleep that night in Ian's arms, feeling herself protected by +them not only from bodily harm, but from all those dreadful fears and +evil fantasies that "do assault and hurt the soul." + + + + +CHAPTER XI + + +Ian had been so busy persuading Milly to view her own case as a simple +one, and so busy comforting her with an almost feminine intuition of +what would really afford her comfort, that it was only in the watches of +the night that certain disquieting recollections forced their way into +his mind. It was of course now part of his creed that he had loved Milly +Flaxman from the first--only he had never known her well till that +Christmas Vacation when they had skated so much together. Later on, such +disturbing events as engagement and marriage had seemed to him enough to +explain any changes he had observed in her. Later still, he had been too +much in love to think about her at all, in the true sense of the word. +She had been to him "all a wonder and a wild desire." + +Now, taking the dates of her collapses of memory, he made, despite +himself, certain notes on those changes. It is to be feared he did not +often want to see Miss Timson; but on the day after Milly's return to +the world, he cycled out to visit her friend. Tims was spending the +summer on the wild and beautiful ridge which has since become a suburb +of Oxford. It was doubtful whether he would find her in, as she was +herself a mighty cyclist, making most of her journeys on the wheel, +happy in the belief that she was saving money at the expense of the +railway companies. + +The time of flowers, the freshness of trees, and the glory of gorse and +broom was over. It was the season of full summer when the midlands, +clothed with their rich but sheenless mantle of green, wear a +self-satisfied air, as of dull people conscious of deserved prosperity. +But just as the sea or a mountain or an adventurous soul will always +lend an element of the surprising and romantic to the commonest corner +of earth, so the sky will perpetually transfigure large spaces of level +country, valley or plain, laid open to its capricious influences. Boars +Hill looks over the wide valley of the narrow Og to the downs, and up to +where that merges into the valley of the Upper Thames. By the sandy +track which Ian followed, the tree still stood, though no longer alone, +whence the poet of _Thyrsis_ looking northward, saw the "fair city with +her dreaming spires"; less fair indeed to-day than when he looked upon +it, but still "lovely all times," in all its fleeting shades, whether +blond and sharp-cut in the sunshine or dimly gray among its veiling +trees. The blue waving line of the downs, crowned here and there by +clumps of trees, ran far along the southwestern horizon, melting +vaporously in the distance above "the Vale, the three lone weirs, the +youthful Thames." Over the downs and over the wide valley of ripening +cornfields, of indigo hedgerow-elms and greener willow and woodland, of +red-roofed homesteads and towered churches, moved slowly the broad +shadows of rolling clouds that journeyed through the intense blue above. +Some shadows were like veils of pale gray gauze, through which the world +showed a delicately softened face; others were dark, with a rich, +indefinable hue of their own, and as they moved, the earth seemed to +burst into a deeper glow of color behind them. Close by, the broken +hill-side was set here and there with oak and thorn, was everywhere deep +in bracken, on whose large fronds lay the bluish bloom of their +maturity. It all gained a definiteness of form, an air of meaning by its +detachment from the wide background floating behind. + +Following steep and circuitous lanes, Ian arrived at the lodging-house +and found Tims on the porch preparing to start on her bicycle. But +flattered and surprised by his visit, she ordered tea in the bright +little sitting-room she was inhabiting. He was shy of approaching the +real object of his visit. They marked time awhile till the thunderstorm +became their theme. Then he told something of Milly's sleep-walking, her +collapse of memory; and watched Tims meantime, hoping to see in her face +merely surprise and concern. But there was no surprise, hardly concern +in the queer little face. There was excitement, and at last a flash of +positive pleasure. + +"Good old M.!" she observed. "I'm glad she has got back; though I'm a +bit proud of the other one too. I expect you feel much the same, old +boy, don't you?" + +The speech was the reverse of soothing, even to its detail of "old boy." +He looked at his teacup and drew his black brows together. + +"I'm afraid I don't understand, Miss Timson. I suppose you think it a +joke, but to me it seems rather a serious matter." + +"Of course it is; uncommon serious," returned Tims, too much interested +in her subject to consider the husband's feelings. "Bless you! _I_ don't +want to be responsible for it. At first I thought it was a simple case +of a personality evolved by hypnotism; but if so it would have depended +on the hypnotist, and you see it didn't after the first." + +"I don't think we need bother about hypnotism"--there was a note of +impatience in Ian's voice--"it's just a case of collapse of memory. But +as you were with her the first time it happened, I want to know exactly +how far the collapse went. There were signs of it every now and then in +her work, but on the whole it improved." + +"You never can tell what will happen in these cases," said Tims. "She +remembered her book-learning pretty well, but she forgot her own name, +and as to people and things that had happened, she was like a new-born +babe. If I hadn't nursed her through she'd have been sent to a lunatic +asylum. But it wasn't that, after all, that made it so exciting. It was +the difference between Milly's two personalities. You don't mean to say, +old chap, you've lived with her for seven months and can't see the +difference?" + +Tims looked at him. She held strong theoretical views as to the +stupidity of the male, but circumstances had seldom before allowed her +to put them to the test. Behold them more than justified; for Ian was +far above the average in intelligence. He, for a fraction of a minute, +paused, deliberately closing the shutter of his mind against an +unpleasant search-light that shot back on the experiences of his +courtship and marriage. + +"Well, I suppose I'm not imaginative," he returned, with a dry laugh. "I +only see certain facts about her memory and want more of them, to tell +Norton-Smith when I take her up to see him." + +"Norton-Smith!" exclaimed Tims. "What is the good? Englishmen are all +right when it's a question of filling up the map of Africa, but they're +no good on the dark continent of ourselves. They're cowards. That's +what's the matter with them. Don't go to Norton-Smith." + +Stewart made an effectual effort to overcome his irritation. He ought to +have known better than to turn to an oddity like Tims for advice and +sympathy. + +"Whom ought I to go to, then?" he asked, good-humoredly, and looking +particularly long as he rose from the depths of the low wicker chair. "A +medicine-man with horns and a rattle?" + +"Well," returned Tims with deliberation, pulling on a pair of thread +gloves, "I dare say he could teach Norton-Smith a thing or two. Mind +you, I'm not talking spiritualistic rot; I'm talking scientific facts, +which every one knows except the English scientific men, who keep on +clapping their glass to the blind eye like a lot of clock-work Nelsons. +The effects of hypnotism are as much facts as the effects of a bottle of +whiskey. But Milly's case is different. In my opinion she's developed an +independent double personality. It's an inconvenient state of things, +but I don't suppose it'll last forever. One or the other will get +stronger and 'hold the fort.' But it's rather a bad business anyhow." +Tims paused and sighed, drawing on the other glove. "I'm--I'm fond of +them both myself, and I expect you'll feel the same, when you see the +difference." + +Ian laughed awkwardly, his brown eyes fixed scrutinizingly upon her. + +"So long as the fort holds somebody, I sha'n't worry," he said, lightly. + +They went out, and as he led his own bicycle towards the upper track, +Tims spun down the steep drive, and, turning into the lane, kissed her +hand to him in farewell from under the brim of her perennially crooked +hat. + +"That Timson girl's more than queer," he mused to himself, going on. +"There's a streak of real insanity in her. I'm afraid it's not been good +for a highly strung creature like Mildred to see so much of her; and why +on earth did she?" + +He tried to clear his mind of Tims's fantastic suggestions; of +everything, indeed, except the freshness of the air rushing past him, +the beauty of the wide view, steeped in the romance of distance. But +memory, that strange, recalcitrant, mechanical slave of ours, kept +diving, without connivance of his, into the recesses of the past twenty +months of his life, and presenting to him unsolicited, circumstances, +experiences, which he had thrust away unclassified--his own surprise, +almost perplexity, when Mildred had brought him work for the first time +after her illness that autumn Term before last; his disappointment and +even boredom in his engagement and the first three weeks of his +marriage; then the change in his own feelings after her long sleep at +the Hotel du Chalet; besides a score of disquieting trifles which meant +nothing till they were strung on a thread. He felt himself beginning to +be infected with Flora Timson's mania against his will, against his +sober judgment; and he spun down Bagley Hill at a runaway speed, only +saved by a miracle from collision with a cart which emerged from +Hincksey Lane at the jolting pace with which the rustic pursues his +undeviating course. + + + + +CHAPTER XII + + +Milly, too, had not been without a sharp reminder that the leaves in her +life so blank to her, had been fully inscribed by another. She hardly +yet felt mistress of the house, but it was pleasant to rest and read in +the low, white-panelled drawing-room, which lowered awnings kept cool, +although the afternoon sun struck a golden shaft across the flowering +window-boxes of its large and deeply recessed bow-window. The whole room +was lighter and more feminine than Milly would have made it, but at +bottom the taste that reigned there was more severe than her own. The +only pictures on the panels were a few eighteenth century colored +prints, already charming, soon to be valuable, and one or two framed +pieces of needlework which harmonized with them. + +Presently the door-bell rang and a Mr. Fitzroy was announced by the +parlor-maid, in a tone which implied that she was accustomed to his +name. He looked about the age of an undergraduate and was +extraordinarily well-groomed, in spite of, or perhaps because of, being +in a riding-dress. His sleek dark hair was neatly parted in the middle +and he was clean shaven, when to be so smacked of the stage; but his +manners and expression smacked of nothing of the kind. + +"I'm awfully glad to find you at home, Mrs. Stewart," he said. "I've +been lunching at the Morrisons', and, you know, I'm afraid there's going +to be a row." + +The Morrisons? They lived outside Oxford, and Milly knew them by sight, +that was all. + +"What about?" she asked, kindly, thinking the young man had come for +help, or at least sympathy, in some embarrassment of his own. + +"Why, about your acting Galatea. Jim Morrison's been a regular fool +about it. He'd no business to take it for granted that that was the part +I wanted Mrs. Shaw for. Now it appears she's telling every one that +she's been asked to play the lead at the Besselsfield theatricals; and, +by Jove, he says she is to, too!" + +Milly went rather pale and then quite pink. + +"Then of course I couldn't think of taking the part," she said, gasping +with relief at this providential escape. + +Mr. Fitzroy in his turn flushed. He had an obstinate chin and the cares +of stage-management had already traced a line right across his smooth +forehead. It deepened to a furrow as he leaned forward out of his low +wicker chair, clutching the pair of dogskin gloves which he held in his +hand. + +"Oh, come, I say now, Mrs. Stewart!" and his voice and eye were +surprisingly stern for one so young. "That's not playing fair. You +promised me you'd see me through this show, and you know as well as I +do, Mrs. Shaw can no more act than those fire-irons." + +"But I--" Milly was about to say "I've never acted in my life"--when she +remembered that she knew less than any one in her acquaintance what she +had or had not done in that recent life which was not hers. "I shouldn't +act Galatea at all well," she substituted lamely; "and I shouldn't look +the part nearly as well as Mrs. Shaw will." + +"Excuse me, Mrs. Stewart, but I'm certain you're simply cut out for it +all round, and you told me the other day you were particularly anxious +to play it. You promised you'd stick to me through thick and thin and +not care a twopenny--I mean a straw--what Jim Morrison and Mrs. Shaw--" + +In the stress of conversation they had neither of them noticed the +tinkle of the front-door bell. Now the door of the room, narrow and in +the thickness of an enormous wall, was thrown open and Mrs. Shaw was +announced. + +Fitzroy, forgetful of manners in his excitement, stooped forward and +gripping Milly's arm almost hissed: + +"Remember! You've promised me." + +The words filled Milly with misery. That any one should be able to +accuse her of breaking a promise, however unreal her responsibility for +it, was horrible to her. + +Mrs. Shaw entered, no longer the seraph of twenty months ago. She had +latterly put off the aesthetic raiment she had worn with such peculiar +grace, and her dress and coiffure were quite in the fashion of the +hour. The transformation somewhat shocked Milly, who could never help +feeling a slight austere prejudice against fashionably dressed woman. +Then, considering how little she knew Mrs. Shaw, it was embarrassing to +be kissed by her. + +"It's odd I should find you here, Mr. Fitzroy," said Mrs. Shaw, settling +her rustling skirts on a chintzy chair. "I've just come to talk to Mrs. +Stewart about the acting. I'm so sorry there's been a misunderstanding +about it." + +Her tone was civil but determined, and there was a fighting look in her +eye. + +"So am I, Mrs. Shaw, most uncommonly sorry," returned Fitzroy, patting +his sleek hair and feeling that his will was adamant, however pretty +Mrs. Shaw might be. + +"Of course, I shouldn't have thought of taking the part away from Mrs. +Stewart," she resumed, glancing at Milly, not without meaning, "but Mr. +Morrison asked me to take it quite a fortnight ago. I've learned most of +it and rehearsed two scenes already with him. He says they go capitally, +and we both think it seems rather a pity to waste all that labor and +change the part now." + +Fitzroy cast a look at Mrs. Stewart which was meant to call up +reinforcements from that quarter; but as she sat there quite silent, he +cleared his throat and begun: + +"It's an awful bore, of course, but I fancy it's about three weeks or a +month since I first asked Mrs. Stewart to play the lead--isn't it, Mrs. +Stewart?" + +Milly muttered assent, horribly suspecting a lie. A flash of indignant +scorn from Mrs. Shaw confirmed the suspicion. + +"Mrs. Stewart said something quite different when I spoke to her about +it at tennis on Friday. Didn't you, Mildred?" she asked. + +Milly crimsoned. + +"Did I?" she stammered. "I'm afraid I've got a dreadfully bad +memory--for--for dates of that kind." + +Mrs. Shaw smiled coldly. Mr. Fitzroy felt himself deceived in Mrs. +Stewart as an ally. He had counted on her promised support, on her wit +and spirit to carry him through, and her conduct was simply cowardly. + +"The fact is, Mrs. Shaw," he said, "Jim Morrison's not bossing this show +at all. That's where the mistake has come in. My aunt, Lady Wolvercote, +is a bit of an autocrat, don't you know, and she doesn't like us fellows +to arrange things on our own account. If she knew you I'm sure she'd see +what a splendid Galatea you'd make, but as it is she's set her heart on +getting Mrs. Stewart from the very first." + +Had he stopped here his position would have been good, but an indignant +instinct, urging him to push the reluctant Mrs. Stewart into the proper +place of woman--that natural shield of man against all the social +disagreeables he brings on himself--made Fitzroy rush into the fatal +detail. + +"My aunt told you so at the Masonic; didn't she, Mrs. Stewart?" + +Milly, under the young man's imperious eye, assented feebly, but Mrs. +Shaw laughed. She perfectly remembered Mildred having mentioned on that +very occasion that she did not know Lady Wolvercote by sight. + +"I'm afraid I've come just a few minutes too soon," she said, dryly. +"You and Mr. Fitzroy don't seem to have talked things over quite +enough." + +The saying was dark and yet too clear. Milly, the meticulously truthful, +saw herself convicted of some horrible falsehood. She blushed violently, +gasped, and rolled her handkerchief into a tight ball. Mr. Fitzroy +ignoring the insinuation, changed his line. + +"The part we really wanted you to take, Mrs. Shaw, was that of a nymph +in an Elizabethan masque which Lumley has written, with music by Stephen +Bampton. It's to be played in the rose garden and there's a chorus of +nymphs who sing and dance. We want them to look perfectly lovely, don't +you know, and as there can't be any make-up to speak of, it's awfully +difficult to find the right people." + +Mrs. Shaw disdained the lure and mentally condemned his anxiously civil +manner as "soapy." + +"I shall ask Mr. Morrison to go to Lady Wolvercote at once," she said, +"and see whether she really wishes me to give up the part. Time's +getting on, and he says he won't be able to have many more rehearsals." + +There was a sound as of a carriage stopping in the street below, the +jingling of bits, and a high female voice giving an order. Fitzroy, +inwardly exasperated by Mrs. Shaw's resistance and the abject conduct of +his ally, sprang to his feet. + +"I believe that's my aunt!" he exclaimed. "She wants me to call at +Blenheim on the way home, and I suppose the Morrisons told her where I +was." + +He managed to slip his head out between the edge of an awning and the +mignonette and geraniums of a window-box. + +"It's my aunt, right enough. May I fetch her up, Mrs. Stewart?" He was +down the stairs in a moment and voluble in low-voiced colloquy with the +lady in the barouche. + +Lady Wolvercote was organizing the great fancy fair for the benefit of +the County Cottage Hospitals, and had left the dramatic part of the +programme to her nephew to arrange. She was a tall, slight woman, of the +usual age for aunts, and pleasant to every one; but she took it for +granted that every one would do as she wished--naturally, since they +always did in her neighborhood. As she stumbled up the stairs after +Charlie Fitzroy--it was a dark staircase and narrow in proportion to its +massive oak balusters--she felt faintly annoyed with him for dragging +her into the quarrels of his middle-class friends, but confident that +she could manage them without the least trouble. + +Milly was relieved at the return of Mr. Fitzroy with his aunt. She had +had an unhappy five minutes with Mrs. Shaw, who had been saying cryptic +but unpleasant things and calling her "Mildred"; whereas she did not so +much as know Mrs. Shaw's Christian name. + +Seeing Mrs. Shaw, beautiful, animated, well-dressed, and Milly neatly +clothed, since her clothes were not of her own choosing, but with her +hair unbecomingly knotted, the brightness of her eyes, complexion, and +expression in eclipse, Lady Wolvercote wondered at her nephew's choice. +But that was his affair. She began to talk in a rather high-pitched +voice and continuously, like one whose business it is to talk; so that +it was difficult to interrupt without rudeness. + +"So you're going to be kind enough to act Galatea for us at our fancy +fair, Mrs. Stewart? We want it to be a great success, and Lord +Wolvercote and I have heard so much about your acting. My nephew said +the part of Galatea would suit you exactly; didn't you, Charlie?" + +"Down to the ground," interpolated, or rather accompanied, Fitzroy. "We +shall have the placards out on Wednesday, and people are looking forward +already to seeing Mrs. Stewart. There'll be a splendid audience." + +"Every one has promised to fill their houses for the fair," Lady +Wolvercote was continuing, "and the Duke thinks he may be able to get +down ----," she mentioned a royalty. "You're going to help us too, +aren't you, Mrs. Shaw? It's so very kind of you. We've got such a pretty +part for you in a musical affair which Lenny Lumley wrote with somebody +or other for the Duchess of Ulster's Elizabethan bazaar. There's a +chorus of fairies--nymphs, Charlie? Yes, nymphs, and we want them all +to be very pretty and able to sing, and there's a charming dance for +them. I'm afraid that silly boy, Jim Morrison, made some mistake about +it, and told you we wanted you to act Galatea. But of course we couldn't +possibly do without you in the other thing, and Mrs. Stewart seems quite +pointed out for that Galatea part. Jim's such a dear, isn't he? And such +a splendid actor, every one says he really ought to go on the stage. But +we none of us pay the least attention to anything the dear boy says, for +he always does manage to get things wrong." + +Mrs. Shaw had been making little movements preparatory to going. She had +no gift for the stage except beauty, but that produces an illusion of +success, and she took her acting with the seriousness of a Duse. + +"I'm sorry I didn't know Mr. Morrison's habits better," she replied. +"I've been studying the part of Galatea a good deal and rehearsing it +with him as well. Of course, I don't for a moment wish to prevent Mrs. +Stewart from taking it, but I've spent a good deal of time upon it and +I'm afraid I can't undertake anything else. Of course, it's very +inconvenient stopping in Oxford in August, and I shouldn't care to do it +except for the sake of a part which I felt gave me a real opportunity--" + +"But it's a very pretty part we've got for you," resumed Lady +Wolvercote, perplexed. "And we were hoping to see you over at +Besselsfield a good deal for rehearsals--" + +It seemed to her a "part of nature's holy plan" that the prospect of +Besselsfield should prove irresistibly attractive to the wives of +professional men. + +"Thanks, so much, but I'm sure you and Mr. Fitzroy must know plenty of +girls who would do for that sort of part," returned Mrs. Shaw. + +Milly here broke in eagerly: + +"Please, Lady Wolvercote, do persuade Mrs. Shaw to take Galatea; I'm +sure I sha'n't be able to do it a bit; and I would try and take the +nymph. I should love the music, and I know I could do the singing, +anyhow." + +She rose because Mrs. Shaw had risen and was looking for her parasol and +shaking out her plumes. But why did Mr. Fitzroy and Mrs. Shaw both stare +at her in an unvarnished surprise, touched with ridicule on the lady's +side? + +"No, no, Mrs. Stewart, that won't do!" cried he, in obvious dismay. At +the same moment Mrs. Shaw ejaculated, ironically: + +"That's very brave of you Mildred! I thought you hated music and were +never going to try to sing again." + +She and Fitzroy had both been present on an occasion when Mildred, urged +on by Milly's musical reputation, had committed herself to an experiment +in song which had not been successful. + +"Thank you very much," Mrs. Shaw went on, "for offering to change, but +of course Lady Wolvercote must arrange things as she likes; and, to +speak frankly, I'm not particularly sorry to give the acting up, as my +husband was rather upset at my not being able to go to Switzerland with +him on the 28th. No, please don't trouble; I can let myself out. +Good-bye, Lady Wolvercote; I hope the fair and the theatricals will be a +great success. Good-bye, Mr. Fitzroy, good-bye." + +Lady Wolvercote's faint remonstrances were drowned in the adieus, and +Mrs. Shaw sailed out with flying colors, while Milly sank back abjectly +into the seat from which she had risen. Every minute she was realizing +with a more awful clearness that she, whose one appearance on the stage +had been short and disastrous, was cast to play the leading part in a +public play before a large and brilliant audience. She hardly heard +Fitzroy's bitter remarks on Mrs. Shaw--not forgetting Jim Morrison--or +Lady Wolvercote exclaiming in a voice almost dreamy with amazement: + +"Really it's too extraordinary!" + +"I'm very sorry Mrs. Shaw won't take the part," said Milly, clasping and +unclasping her slender fingers, "for I know I can't do it myself." + +Fitzroy was protesting, but she forced herself to continue: "You don't +know what I'm like when I'm nervous. When we had _tableaux vivants_ at +Ascham I was supposed to be Charlotte putting a wreath on Werther's urn, +and I trembled so much that I knocked the urn down. It was only +card-board, so it didn't break, but every one laughed and the tableau +was spoiled." + +Fitzroy and his aunt cried out that that was nothing, a first +appearance; any one could see she had got over that now. Pale, with +terrified eyes, she looked from one to the other of her tormentors, who +continued to sing the praises of her past prowess on the boards and to +foretell the unprecedented harvest of laurels she would reap at +Besselsfield. The higher their enthusiasm rose, the more profound became +her dejection. There seemed no loop-hole for escape, unless the earth +would open and swallow her, which however much to be desired was hardly +to be expected. + +The ting of a bicycle-bell below did not seem to promise assistance, for +cyclists affected the quiet street. But it happened that this bicycle +bore Ian to the door. He did not notice the coronet on the carriage +which stood before it, and assumed it to belong to one of the three or +four ladies in Oxford who kept such equipages. Yet in the blank state of +Milly's memory, he was sorry she had not denied herself to visitors, +which Mildred had already learned to do with a freedom only possible to +women who are assured social success. Commonly the sight of a carriage +would have sent him tiptoeing past the drawing-room, but now, vaguely +uneasy, he came straight in. He looked particularly tall in the frame of +the doorway, so low that his black hair almost touched the lintel; +particularly handsome in the shaded, white-panelled room, into which the +dark glow of his sunburned skin and brown eyes, bright with exercise, +seemed to bring the light and warmth of the summer earth and sky. + +Milly sprang to meet him. Lady Wolvercote was surprised to learn that +this was Mrs. Stewart's husband. She had no idea a Don could be so +young and good-looking. Judging of Dons solely by the slight and +slighting references of her undergraduate relatives, she had imagined +them to be weird-looking men, within various measurable distances of the +grave. + +"Lady Wolvercote and Mr. Fitzroy want me to act Galatea at the +Besselsfield theatricals," said Milly, clinging to his sleeve and +looking up at him with appealing eyes. "Please tell them I can't +possibly do it. I'm--I'm not well enough--am I?" + +"We're within three weeks of the performance, sir," put in Fitzroy. +"Mrs. Stewart promised she'd do it, and we shall be in a regular fix now +if she gives it up. Mrs. Shaw's chucked us already." + +"Yes, and every one says how splendidly Mrs. Stewart acts," pleaded Lady +Wolvercote. + +Stewart had half forgotten the matter; but now he remembered that +Mildred had been keen to have the part only a week ago, and a little +pettish because he had advised her to leave it alone, on account of Mrs. +Shaw. Now she was hanging on him with desperate eyes and that worried +brow which he had not seen once since he had married her. + +"I'm extremely sorry, Lady Wolvercote," he said, "but my wife's had a +nervous break-down lately and I can't allow her to act. She's not fit +for it." + +"Ah, I see--I quite understand!" returned Lady Wolvercote. "But we'd +take great care of her, Mr. Stewart. She could come and stay at +Besselsfield." + +Fitzroy's gloom lifted. His aunt was a trump. Surely an invitation to +Besselsfield must do the job. But Stewart, though apologetic, was +inflexible. He had forbidden his wife to act and there was an end of it. +The perception of the differences between the two personalities of Milly +which had been thrust to-day on his unwilling mind, made him grasp the +meaning of her frantic appeals for protection. He relieved her of all +responsibility for her refusal to act. + +Lady Wolvercote observed, as she and her nephew went sadly on their way, +that Mr. Stewart seemed a very, very odd man in spite of his presentable +manners and appearance; and Fitzroy replied gloomily that of course he +was a beast. Dons always were beasts. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + + +The diplomatic incident of the theatricals was not the only minor +trouble which Milly found awaiting her. The cook's nerves were upset by +a development of rigid economy on the part of her mistress, and she gave +notice; the house parlor-maid followed suit. No one seemed to have kept +Ian's desk tidy, his papers in order, or his clothes properly mended. It +was a joy to her to put everything belonging to him right. + +When all was arranged to her satisfaction: "Ian," she said, sitting on +his knee with her head on his shoulder, "I can't bear to think how +wretched you must have been all the time I was away." + +Ian was silent a minute. + +"But you haven't been away, and I don't like you to talk as though you +had." + +Wretched? It would have been absurd to think of himself as wretched now; +yet compared with the wonderful happiness that had been his for more +than half a year, what was this "house swept and garnished"? An empty +thing. Words of Tims's which he had thought irritating and absurd at the +time, haunted him now. "_You don't mean to say you haven't seen the +difference?_" He might not have seen it, but he had felt it. He felt it +now. + +There was at any rate no longer any question of Dieppe. They took +lodgings at Sheringham and he made good progress with his book. Yet not +quite so good as he had hoped. Milly was indefatigable in looking up +points and references, in preventing him from slipping into the small +inaccuracies to which he was prone; but he missed the stimulus of +Mildred's alert mind, so quick to hit a blot in logic or in taste, so +vivid in appreciation. + +Milly meantime guessed nothing of his dissatisfaction. She adored her +husband more every day, and her happiness would have been perfect had it +not been for the haunting horror of the possible "change" which might be +lurking for her round the corner of any night--that "change," which +other people might call what they liked, but which meant for her the +robbery of her life, her young happy life with Ian. He had taken her +twice to Norton-Smith before the great man went for his holiday. +Norton-Smith had pronounced it a peculiar but not unprecedented case of +collapse of memory, caused by overwork; and had spent most of the +consultation time in condemning the higher education of women. Time, +rest, and the fulfilment of woman's proper function of maternity would, +he affirmed, bring all right, since there was no sign of disease in Mrs. +Stewart, who appeared to him, on the contrary, a perfectly healthy young +woman. When Ian, alone with him, began tentatively to bring to the +doctor's notice the changes in character and intelligence that had +accompanied the losses of memory, he found his remarks set aside like +the chatter of a foolish child. + +If maternity would indeed exorcise the Invader, Milly had lost no time +in beginning the exorcism. And she did believe that somehow it would; +not because the doctor said so, but because she could not believe God +would let a child's mother be changed in that way, at any rate while she +was bearing it. To do so would be to make it more motherless than any +little living thing on earth. Milly had always been quietly but deeply +religious, and she struggled hard against the feeling of peculiar +injustice in this strange affliction that had been sent to her. She +prayed earnestly to God every night to help and protect her and her +child, and the period of six or seven months, at which the "change" had +come before, passed without a sign of it. In April a little boy was +born. They called him Antonio, after a learned Italian, a friend and +teacher of Ian's. + +The advent of the child did something to explain the comparative +seclusion into which Mrs. Stewart had retired, and the curious dulling +of that brilliant personality of hers. The Master of Durham was among +the few of Mrs. Stewart's admirers who declined to recognize the change +in her. He had been attracted by the girl Milly Flaxman, by her gentle, +shy manners and pretty face, combined with her reputation for +scholarship; the brilliant Invader had continued to attract him in +another way. The difference between the two, if faced, would have been +disagreeably mysterious. He preferred to say and think that there was +none; Mrs. Stewart was probably not very well. + +Milly's shyness made it peculiarly awkward for her to find herself in +possession of a number of friends whom she would not have chosen +herself, and of whose doings and belongings she was in complete +ignorance. However, if she gave offence she was unconscious of it, and +it came very naturally to her to shrink back into the shadow of her +household gods. Ian and the baby were almost sufficient in themselves to +fill her life. There was just room on the outskirts of it for a few +relations and old friends, and Aunt Beatrice still held her honored +place. But it was through Aunt Beatrice that she was first to learn the +feel of a certain dull heartache which was destined to grow upon her +like some fell disease, a thing of ceaseless pain. + +She was especially anxious to get Aunt Beatrice, who had been in America +all the Summer Vacation, to stay with them in the Autumn Term as Lady +Thomson had been with them in May, and Milly did not like to think of +the number of things, all wrong, which she was sure to have noticed in +the house. Besides, what with theatricals and other engagements, it was +evident that a good many people had been "in and out" in the Summer +Term--a condition of life which Lady Thomson always denounced. Milly was +anxious for her to see that that phase was past and that her favorite +niece had settled down into the quiet, well-ordered existence of which +she approved. + +Aunt Beatrice came; but oh, disappointment! If it had been possible to +say of Lady Thomson, whose moods were under almost perfect control, +that she was out of temper, Milly would have said it. She volunteered no +opinion, but when asked, she compared Milly's new cook unfavorably with +her former one. When her praise was anxiously sought, she observed that +it was undesirable to be careless in one's housekeeping, but less +disagreeable than to be fussy and house-proud. She added that +Milly--whom she called Mildred--must be on her guard against relaxing +into domestic dulness, when she could be so extremely clever and +charming if she liked. Milly was bewildered and distressed. She felt +sure that she had passed through a phase of which Aunt Beatrice ought to +have disapproved. She had evidently been frivolous and neglectful of her +duties; yet it seemed as though her aunt had been better pleased with +her when she was like that. What could have made Aunt Beatrice, of all +women, unkind and unjust? + +In this way more than a year went by. The baby grew and was +short-coated; the October Term came round once more, and still Milly +remained the same Milly. To have wished it otherwise would have seemed +like wishing for her death. + +But at times a great longing for another, quite another, came over Ian. +It was like a longing for the beloved dead. Of course it was mad--mad! +He struggled against the feeling, and generally succeeded in getting +back to the point of view that the change had been more in himself, in +his own emotional moods, than in Milly. + +October, the golden month, passed by and November came in, soft and +dim; a merry month for the hunting men beside the coverts, where the +red-brown leaves still hung on the oak-trees and brushwood, and among +the grassy lanes, the wide fresh fields and open hill-sides. No ill +month either for those who love to light the lamp early and open their +books beside a cheerful fire. But then the rain came, a persistent, +soaking rain. Milly always went to her district on Tuesdays, no matter +what the weather, and this time she caught a cold. Ian urged her to stop +in bed next morning. He himself had to be in College early, and could +not come home till the afternoon. + +It was still raining and the early falling twilight was murky and brown. +The dull yellow glare of the street-lamps was faintly reflected in the +muddy wetness of pavements and streets. He was carrying a great armful +of books and papers under his dripping mackintosh and umbrella. As he +walked homeward as fast as his inconvenient load allowed, he became +acutely conscious of a depression of spirits which had been growing upon +him all day. It was the weather, he argued, affecting his nerves or +digestion. The vision of a warm, cosey house, a devoted wife awaiting +him, ought to have cheered him, but it did not. He hoped he would not +feel irritable when Milly rushed into the hall as soon as his key was +heard in the front door, to feel him all over and take every damp thread +tragically. Poor dear Milly! What a discontented brute of a husband she +had got! The fault was no doubt with himself, and he would not really be +happy even if some miracle did set him down on a sunny Mediterranean +shore, with enough money to live upon and nothing to think of but his +book. Mildred used to say that she always went to a big dinner at Durham +in the unquenchable hope of meeting and fascinating some millionaire who +had sense enough to see how much better it would be to endow writers of +good books than readers of silly ones. + +With the recollection there rang in the ears of his mind the sound of a +laugh which he had not heard for seventeen months. Something seemed to +tighten about his heart. Yes, he could be quite happy without the +millionaire, without the sunny skies, without even the pretty, +comfortable home at whose door he stood, if somewhere, anywhere, he +could hope to hear that laugh again, to hold again in his arms the +strange bright bride who had melted from them like snow in +spring-time--but that way madness lay. He thrust the involuntary longing +from him almost with horror, and turned the latch-key in his door. + +The hall lamp was burning low and the house seemed very chilly and +quiet. He put his books down on the oak table, threw his streaming +mackintosh upon the large chest, and went up to his dressing-room, to +change whatever was still damp about him before seeking Milly, who +presumably was nursing her cold before the study fire. When he had +thrown off his shoes, he noticed that the door leading to his wife's +room was ajar and a faint red glow of firelight showed invitingly +through the chink. A fire! It was irresistible. He went in quickly and +stirred the coals to a roaring blaze. The dancing flames lit up the +long, low room with its few pieces of furniture, its high white +wainscoting, and paper patterned with birds and trellised leaves. They +lit up the low white bed and the white figure of his sleeping wife. Till +then he had thought the room was empty. She lay there so deathly still +and straight that he was smitten with a sudden fear; but leaning over +her he heard her quiet, regular breathing and saw that if somewhat pale, +she was normal in color. He touched her hand. It was withdrawn by a +mechanical movement, but not before he had felt that it was warm. + +A wild excitement thrilled him; it would have been truer to say a wild +joy, only that it held a pang of remorse for itself. So she had lain at +the Hotel du Chalet when he had left her for that long walk over the +crisp mountain snow. And when he had returned, she--what She? No, his +brain did not reel on the verge of madness; it merely accepted under the +compulsion of knowledge a truth of those truths that are too profound to +admit of mere external proof. For our reason plays at the edge of the +universe as a little child plays at the edge of the sea, gathering from +its fringes the flotsam and jetsam of its mighty life. But miles and +miles beyond the ken of the eager eye, beyond the reach of the alert +hand, lies the whole great secret life of the sea. And if it were all +laid bare and spread at the child's feet, how could the little hand +suffice to gather its vast treasures, the inexperienced eye to perceive +and classify them? + +Alone in the firelit, silent room, with this tranced form before him, +Ian Stewart knew that the woman who would arise from that bed would be a +different woman from the one who had lain down upon it. By what +mysterious alchemy of nature transmuted he could not understand, any +more than he could understand the greater part of the workings of that +cosmic energy which he was compelled to recognize, although he might be +cheated with words into believing that he understood them. Another woman +would arise and she his Love. She had been gone so long; his heart had +hungered for her so long, in silence even to himself. She had been dead +and now she was about to be raised from the dead. He lighted the +candles, locked the doors, and paced softly up and down, stopping to +look at the figure on the bed from time to time. Far around him, close +about him, life was moving at its usual jog-trot pace. People were going +back to their College rooms or domestic hearths, grumbling about the +weather or their digestions or their colds, thinking of their work for +the evening or of their dinner engagements--and suddenly a door had shut +between him and all that outside world. He was no longer moving in the +driven herd. He was alone, above them in an upper chamber, awaiting the +miracle of resurrection. + +In the visions that passed before his mind's eye the face of Milly, +pale, with pleading eyes, was not absent; but with a strange hardness +which he had never felt before, he thrust the sighing phantom from him. +She had had her turn of happiness, a long one; it was only fair that +now they two, he and that Other, should have their chance, should put +their lips to the full cup of life. The figure on the bed stirred, +turned on one side, and slipped a hand under the pure curve of the young +cheek. He was by the bed in a moment; but it still slept, though less +profoundly, without that tranced look, as though the flame of life +itself burned low within. + +How would she first greet him? Last time she had leaned into the clear +sunshine and laughed to him from the cloud of her amber hair; and a +spirit in his blood had leaped to the music of her laugh, even while the +rational self knew not it was the lady of his love. But however she came +back it would be she, the Beloved. He felt exultantly how little, after +all, the frame mattered. Last time he had found her, his love had been +set in the sunshine and the splendor of the Alpine snows, with nothing +to jar, nothing to distract it from itself. And that was good. To-day, +it was opening, a sudden and wonderful bloom, in the midst of the murky +discomfort of an English November, the droning hum of the machinery of +his daily work. And this, too, was good. + +Yes, it was better because of the contrast between the wonder and its +environment, better because he himself was more conscious of his joy. He +sat on the bed a while watching her impatiently. In his eyes she was +already filled with a new loveliness, but he wanted her hair, her amber +hair. It was brushed back and imprisoned tightly in a little plait tied +with a white ribbon--Milly's way. With fingers clumsy, yet gentle, he +took off the ribbon and cautiously undid the plait. Then he took a comb +and spread out the silk-soft hair more as he liked to see it, pleased +with his own skill in the unaccustomed task. She stirred again, but +still she did not wake. He was pacing up and down the room when she +raised herself a little on her pillow and looked fixedly at the opposite +wall. Ian held his breath. He stood perfectly still and watched her. +Presently she sat up and looked about her, looked at him with a faint, +vague smile, like that of a baby. He sat down at the foot of the bed and +took her hand. She smiled at him again, this time with more definite +meaning. + +"Do you know who it is, sweetheart?" he said in a low voice. She nodded +slightly and went on smiling, as though quietly happy. + +"Ian," she breathed, at length. + +"Yes, darling." + +"I've been away a long, long time. How long?" + +He told her. + +She uttered a little "Ah!" and frowned; lay quiet awhile, then drew her +hand from Ian's and sat up still more. + +"I sha'n't lie here any longer," she said, in a stronger voice. "It's +just waste of time." She pushed back the clothes and swung her feet out +of bed. "Oh, how glad I am to be back again! Are you glad I'm back, Ian? +Say you are, do say you are!" + +And Ian on his knees before her, said that he was. + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + + +Ian was leaning against the high mantel-piece of his study. Above it, +let into the panelling, was an eighteenth-century painting of the Bridge +and Castle of St. Angelo, browned by time. He was wondering how to tell +Mildred about the child, and whether she would resent its presence. She, +too, was meditating, chin on hand. At length she looked up with a sudden +smile. + +"What about the baby, Ian? Don't you take any notice of it yet?" + +He was surprised. + +"How do you know about him?" + +She frowned thoughtfully. + +"I seem to know things that have happened in a kind of way--rather as +though I had seen them in a dream. But they haven't happened to me, you +know." + +"Was it the same last time?" + +"No; but the first time I came, and especially just at first, I seemed +to remember all kinds of things--" She paused as though trying in vain +to revive her impressions--"Odd things, not a bit like anything in +Oxford. I can't recall them now, but sometimes in London I fancy I've +seen places before." + +"Of course you have, dear." + +"And the first time I saw that old picture there I knew it was Rome, and +I had a notion that I'd been there and seen just that view." + +"You've been seeing pictures and reading books and hearing talk all your +life, and in the peculiar state of your memory, I suppose you can't +distinguish between the impressions made on it by facts and by ideas." + +Mildred was silent; but it was not the silence of conviction. Then she +jumped up. + +"I'm going to see Baby. You needn't come if you don't want." + +He hesitated. + +"I'm afraid it's too late. Milly doesn't like--" He broke off with a +wild laugh. "What am I talking about!" + +"I suppose you were going to say, Milly doesn't like people taking a +candle into the room when Baby is shut up for the night. I don't care +what Milly likes. He's my baby now, and he's sure to look a duck when +he's asleep. Come along!" + +She put her arm through his and together they climbed the steep +staircase to the nursery. + +Mildred had returned to the world in such excellent spirits at merely +being there, that she took those awkward situations which Milly had +inevitably bequeathed to her, as capital jokes. The partial and external +acquaintance with Milly's doings and points of view which she had +brought back with her, made everything easier than before; but her +derisive dislike of her absent rival was intensified. It pained Ian if +she dropped a hint of it. Tims was the only person to whom she could +have the comfort of expressing herself; and even Tims made faces and +groaned faintly, as though she did not enjoy Mildred's wit when Milly +was the subject of it. She gave Milly's cook notice at once, but most +things she found in a satisfactory state--particularly the family +finances. More negatively satisfactory was the state of her wardrobe, +since so little had been bought. Mildred still shuddered at the +recollection of the trousseau frocks. + +Once more Mrs. Stewart, whose social career had been like that of the +proverbial rocket shot up into the zenith. But a life of mere amusement +was not the fashion in the circle in which she lived, and her active +brain and easily aroused sympathies made her quick to take up more +serious interests. + +It seemed wiser, too, to make no sudden break with Milly's habits. +Still, Emma, the nurse, opined that Baby got on all the better since +Mrs. Stewart had become "more used to him like"--wasn't always changing +his food, taking his temperature, wanting him to have bandages and +medicine, forbidding him to be talked to or sung to, and pulling his +little, curling-up limbs straight when he was going to sleep. He was a +healthy little fellow and already pretty, with his soft dark +hair--softer than anything in the world except a baby's hair--his +delicate eyebrows and bright dark eyes. Mildred loved playing with him. +Sometimes when Ian heard the tiny shrieks of baby laughter, he used to +think with a smile and yet with a pang of pity, how shocked poor Milly +would have been at this titillation of the infant brain. But he did not +want thoughts of Milly--so far as he could he shut the door of his mind +against them. She would come back, no doubt, sooner or later; and her +coming back would mean that Mildred would be robbed of her life, his own +life robbed of its joy. + +At the end of Term the Master of Durham sent a note to bid the Stewarts +to dine with him and meet Sir Henry Milwood, the rich Australian, and +Maxwell Davison, the traveller and Orientalist. Ian remarked that +Davison was a cousin, although they had not met since he was a boy. +Maxwell Davison had gone to the East originally as agent for some big +firm, and had spent there nearly twenty years. He was an accomplished +Persian and Arabic scholar, and gossip related that he had run off with +a fair Persian from a Constantinople harem and lived with her in Persia +until her death. But that was years ago. + +When the Stewarts entered the Master's bare bachelor drawing-room, they +found besides the Milwoods, only familiar faces. Maxwell Davison was +still awaited, and with interest. He came, and that interest did not +appear to be mutual, judging from the Oriental impassivity of his long, +brown face, with its narrow, inscrutable eyes. He was tall, slight, +sinewy as a Bedouin, his age uncertain, since his dry leanness and the +dash of silver at his temples might be the effect of burning desert +suns. + +Mildred was delighted at first at being sent into dinner with him, but +she found him disappointingly taciturn. In truth, he had acquired +Oriental habits and views with regard to women. If a foolish Occidental +custom demanded that they should sit at meat with the lords of creation, +he, Maxwell Davison, would not pretend to acquiesce in it. Mildred, to +whom it was unthinkable that any man should not wish to talk to her, +merely pitied his shyness and determined to break it down; but Davison's +attitude was unbending. + +After dinner the Master, his mortar-board cap on his head, opened the +drawing-room door and invited them to come across to the College Library +to see some bronzes and a few other things that Mr. Davison had +temporarily deposited there. He had divined that Maxwell Davison would +be willing to sell, and in his guileful soul the little Master may have +had schemes of persuading his wealthy friend Milwood to purchase any +bronzes that might be of value to the College or the University. Of the +ladies, only Mildred and Miss Moore, the archaeologist, braved the chill +of the mediaeval Library to inspect the collection. Davison professed to +no artistic or antiquarian knowledge of the bronzes. They had come to +him in the way of trade and had all been dug up in Asia Minor--no, not +all, for one he had picked up in England. Nevertheless he had succeeded +in getting a pretty clear notion of the relative value of his +bronzes--the Oriental curios with them it was his business to +understand. He could not help observing the sure instinct with which +Mrs. Stewart selected what was best among all these different objects. +She had the _flair_ of the born collector. The learned archaeologists +present leaned over the collection discussing and disputing, and took no +notice of her remarks as she rapidly handled each article. But Davison +did, and when at length she took up a small figure of Augustus--the +bronze that had not come from Asia Minor--and looked at it with a +peculiar doubtful intentness, he began to feel uncomfortable. + +"Anything wrong with that?" he asked, in spite of himself. + +She laughed nervously. + +"Oh, Mr. Davison, please ask some one who knows! I don't. Only I--I seem +to have seen something like it before, that's all." + +Sanderson, roaming around the professed archaeologists, took the bronze +from her hands. + +"I'll tell you where you've seen it, Mrs. Stewart. It's engraved in +Egerton's _Private Collections of Great Britain_. I picked that up the +other day--first edition, 1818. I dare say the book's here. We'll see." + +Sanderson took a candle and went glimmering away down the long, dark +room. + +"What can this be?" asked Mildred, taking up what looked like a glass +ball. + +"Please stand over here and look into it for five minutes," returned +Davison, evasively. "Perhaps you'll see what it is then." + +He somehow wanted to get rid of Mildred's appraisal of his goods. + +"Mr. Davison, your glass ball has gone quite cloudy!" she exclaimed, in +a minute or two. + +"That's all right. Go on looking and you'll see something more," he +returned. + +Presently she said: + +"It's so curious. I see the whole room reflected in the glass now, but +it's much lighter than it really is, and the windows seem larger. It all +looks so different. There is some one down there in white." + +Sanderson came up the room carrying a large quarto, open. + +"Here's your bronze, right enough," he said, putting the book down on +the table. "It's under the heading, _Hammerton Collection_." + +He pointed to a small engraving inscribed, "Bronze statuette of +Augustus. _Very rare._" + +"But some fellow's been scribbling something here," continued Sanderson, +turning the book around to read a note written along the margin. He read +out: "'A forgery. Sold by Lady Hammerton to Mr. Solomons, 1819. See case +Solomons _versus_ Hammerton, 1820.'" + +The turning of the book showed Mildred a full-page engraving entitled, +"The Gallery, Hammerton House." It represented a long room somewhat like +the one in which they stood, but still more like the room she had seen +in the crystal; and in the middle distance there was a slightly sketched +figure of a woman in a light dress. Half incredulous, half frightened, +she pored over the engraving which reproduced so strangely the image she +had seen in Maxwell Davison's mysterious ball. + +"How funny!" she almost whispered. + +"You may call it funny, of course, that Lady Hammerton succeeded in +cheating a Jew, which is what it looks like," rejoined Sanderson, bent +on hunting down his quarry; "but it was pretty discreditable to her +too." + +"Not at all," Maxwell Davison's harsh voice broke in. "That was +Solomons's look out. I sha'n't bring a lawsuit against the fellow who +sold me that Augustus, if it is a forgery. A man's a fool to deal in +things he doesn't understand." + +"What is this glass ball, Mr. Davison?" asked Miss Moore, in her turn +taking up the uncanny thing Mildred had laid down. + +"It's a divining-crystal. In the East certain people, mostly boys, look +in these crystals and see all sorts of things, present, past, and to +come." + +Miss Moore laughed. + +"Or pretend they do!" + +"Who knows? It isn't of any interest, really. The things that have +happened have happened, and the things that are to happen will happen +just as surely, whether we foresee them or not." + +Miss Moore turned to the Master. + +"Look, Master--this is a divining-crystal, and Mr. Davison's trying to +persuade me that in the East people really see visions in it." + +The Master smiled. + +"Mr. Davison has a poor opinion of ladies' intelligence, I'm afraid. He +thinks they are children, who will believe any fairy tale." + +Davison had drawn near to Mildred as the Master spoke; his eyes met hers +and the impassive face wore a faint, ironical smile. + +"The Wisdom of the West speaks!" he exclaimed, in a low voice. "I'd +almost forgotten the sound of it." + +Then scrutinizing her pale face: "I'm afraid you've had a scare. What +did you see?" + +"I saw--well, I fancy I saw the Gallery at Hammerton House and my +ancestress, Lady Hammerton. It was burned, you know, and she was burned +with it, trying to save her collections. I expect she condescended to +give me a glimpse of them because I've inherited her mania. I'd be a +collector, too, if I had the money." + +She laughed nervously. + +"You should take Ian to the East," returned Davison. "You could make +money there and learn things--the Wisdom of the East, for instance." + +Mildred, recovering her equanimity, smiled at him. + +"No, never! The Wisdom of the West engrosses us; but you'll come and +tell us about the other, won't you?" + + + + +CHAPTER XV + + +Maxwell Davison settled in Oxford for six months, in order to see his +great book on Persian Literature through the press. His advent had been +looked forward to as promising a welcome variety, bringing a splash of +vivid color into a somewhat quiet-hued, monotonous world. But there was +doomed to be some disappointment. Mr. Davison went rather freely to +College dinners but seldom into general society. It came to be +understood that he disliked meeting women; Mrs. Stewart, however, he +appeared to except from his condemnation or rule. Ian was his cousin, +which made a pretext at first for going to the Stewarts' house; but he +went because he found the couple interesting in their respective ways. +Some Dons, unable to believe that a man without a University education +could teach them anything, would lecture him out of their little +pocketful of knowledge about Oriental life and literature. Ian, on the +contrary, was an admirable producer of all that was interesting in +others; and in Davison that all was much. At first he had tried to keep +Mrs. Stewart in what he conceived to be her proper place; but as time +went on he found himself dropping in at the old house with surprising +frequency, and often when he knew Ian to be in College or too busy to +attend to him. + +He had brought horses with him and offered to give Mildred a mount +whenever she liked. Milly had learned the rudiments of the art, but she +was too timid to care for riding. Mildred, on the other hand, delighted +in the swift motion through the air, the sensation of the strong +bounding life almost incorporated with her own, and if she had moments +of terror she had more of ecstatic daring. She and Davison ended by +riding together once or twice a week. + +Interesting as Mildred found Maxwell Davison's companionship, it did not +altogether conduce to her happiness. She who had been so content to be +merely alive, began now to chafe at the narrow limits of her existence. +He opened the wide horizons of the world before her, and her soul seemed +native to them. One April afternoon they rode to Wytham together. The +woods of Wytham clothe a long ridge of hill around which the young +Thames sweeps in a strong curve and through them a grass ride runs +unbroken for a mile and a half. Now side by side, now passing and +repassing each other, they had "kept the great pace" along the track, +the horses slackening their speed somewhat as they went down the dip, +only to spring forward with fresh impetus, lifting their hind-quarters +gallantly to the rise; then given their heads for the last burst along +the straight bit to the drop of the hill, away they went in passionate +competition, foam-flecked and sending the clods flying from their +hurrying hoofs. + +A mile and a half of galloping only serves to whet the appetite of a +well-girt horse, and the foaming rivals hardly allowed themselves to be +pulled up at the edge of a steep grassy slope, where already here and +there a yellow cowslip bud was beginning to break its pale silken +sheath. At length their impatient dancing was over, and they stood +quiet, resigned to the will of the incomprehensible beings who +controlled them. But Mildred's blood was dancing still and she abandoned +herself to the pleasure of it, undistracted by speech. Beyond the +shining Thames, wide-curving through its broad green meadows, and the +gray bridge and tower of Eynsham, that great landscape, undulating, +clothed in the mystery of moving cloud-shadows, gave her an agreeable +impression of being a view into a strange country, hundreds of miles +away from Oxford and the beaten track. But Maxwell's eyes were fixed +upon her. + +The wood about them was just breaking into the various beauty of spring +foliage, emerald and gold and red; a few trees still holding up naked +gray branches among it; here and there a white cloud of cherry blossom, +shining in a clearing or floating mistily amid bursting tree-tops below +them. They turned to the right, down a narrow ride, mossy and winding, +where perforce they trod on flowers as they went; for the path and the +wood about it were carpeted with blue dog-violets and the pale soft +blossoms of primroses, opening in clusters amid their thick fresh +foliage and the brown of last year's fallen leaves. The sky above wore +the intense blue in which dark clouds are seen floating, and as the +gleams of travelling sunshine passed over the wooded hill, its colors +also glowed with a peculiar intensity. The horses, no longer excited by +a vista of turf, were walking side by side. But the beauty of earth and +sky were nothing to Maxwell, whose whole being was intent on the beauty +of the woman in the saddle beside him; the rose and the gold of cheek +and hair, the lithe grace of the body, lightly moving to the motion of +her horse. + +She turned to him with a sudden bright smile. + +"How perfectly delightful riding is! I owe all the pleasure of it to +you." + +"Do you?" he asked, smiling too, but slightly and gravely, narrowing on +her his inscrutable eyes. "Well, then, will you do what I want?" + +"I thought you were a fatalist and never wanted anything. But if you +condescend to want me to do something, your slave obeys. You see I'm +learning the proper way for a woman to talk." + +"I want you to remove the preposterous black pot with which you've +covered up your hair. I'll carry it for you." + +"Oh, Max! What would people think if they met me riding without my hat? +Fancy Miss Cayley! What she'd say! And the Warden of Canterbury! What +he'd feel!" + +She laughed delightedly. + +"They never ride this way. It's the 'primrose path,' you see, and +they're afraid of the 'everlasting bonfire.' I'm not; you're not. You're +not afraid of anything." + +"I am. I'm afraid of old maids and--most butlers." + +Maxwell laughed, but his laugh was a harsh one. + +"Humbug! If you really wanted to do anything you'd do it. I know you +better than you know yourself. If you won't take your hat off it's +because you don't really want to do what I want; and when you say pretty +things to me about your gratitude for the pleasure I'm giving you, +you're only telling the same old lies women tell all the world over." + +"There! Catch my reins!" cried Mildred, leaning over and holding them +out to him. "How do you suppose I can take my hat off if you don't?" + +He obeyed and drew up to her, stooping near, a hand on the mane of her +horse. The horses nosed together and fidgeted, while she balanced +herself in the saddle with lifted arms, busy with hat-pins. The task +accomplished, she handed the hat to him and they cantered on. Presently +she turned towards him, brightening. + +"You were quite right about the hat, Max. It's ever so much nicer +without it; one feels freer, and what I love about riding is the free +feeling. It's as though one had got out of a cage; as though one could +jump over all the barriers of life; as though there were nobody and +nothing to hinder one from galloping right out into the sky if one +chose. But I can't explain what I mean." + +"Of course you don't mean the sky," he answered. "What you really mean +is the desert. There's space, there's color, glorious, infinite, with an +air purer than earthly. Such a life, Mildred! The utter freedom of it! +None of this weary, dreary slavery you call civilization. That would be +the life for you." + +It was true that Mildred's was an essentially nomadic and adventurous +soul. Whether the desert was precisely the most suitable sphere for her +wanderings was open to doubt, but for the moment as typifying freedom, +travel, and motion--all that really was as the breath of life to her--it +fascinated her imagination. Maxwell, closely watching that +sunshine-gilded head, saw her eyes widen, her whole expression at once +excited and meditative, as though she beheld a vision. But in a moment +she had turned to him with a challenging smile. + +"I thought slavery was the only proper thing for women." + +"So it is--for ordinary women. It makes them happier and less +mischievous. But I don't fall into the mistake--which causes such a deal +of unnecessary misery and waste in the world--the mistake of supposing +that you can ever make a rule which it's good for every one to obey. +You've got to make your rule for the average person. Therefore it's +bound not to fit the man or woman who is not average, and it's folly to +wish them to distort themselves to fit it." + +"And I'm not average? I needn't be a slave? Oh, thank you, Max! I am so +glad." + +"Confound it, Mildred, I'm not joking. You are a born queen and you +oughtn't to be a slave; but you are one, all the same. You're a slave to +the 'daily round, the common task,' which were never meant for such as +you; you're a slave to the conventional idiocy of your neighbors. You +daren't even take your hat off till I make you; and now you see how nice +it is to ride with your hat off." + +They had been slowly descending the steep, stony road which leads to +Wytham Village, but as he spoke they were turning off into a large field +to the right, across which a turfy track led gradually up to the woods +from which they had come. The track lay smooth before them, and the +horses began to sidle and dance directly their hoofs touched it. Mildred +did not answer his remarks, except by a reference to the hat. + +"Don't lose it, that's all!" she shouted, looking back and laughing, as +she shot up the track ahead of him. He fancied she was trying to show +him that she could run away from him if she chose; and with a quiet +smile on his lips and a firm hand on his tugging horse, he kept behind +her until she was a good way up the field. Then he gave his horse its +head and it sprang forward. She heard the eager thud of the heavy hoofs +drawing up behind, and in a few seconds he was level with her. For a +minute they galloped neck and neck, though at a little distance from +each other. Then she saw him ahead, riding with a seat looser than most +Englishmen's, yet with an assurance, a grace of its own, the +hind-quarters of his big horse lifting powerfully under him, as it sped +with great bounds over the flying turf. Her own mare saw it, too, and +vented her annoyance in a series of kicks, which, it must be confessed, +seriously disturbed Mildred's equilibrium. Then settling to business, +she sprang after her companion. Maxwell heard her following him up the +long grass slope towards the gate which opens into the main ride by +which they had started. He fancied he had the improvised race well in +hand, but suddenly the hoofs behind him hurried their beat; Mildred flew +past him at top speed and flung her mare back on its haunches at the +gate. + +"I've won! Hurrah! I've won!" she shouted, breathlessly, and waved her +whip at him. + +Maxwell was swearing beneath his breath, in a spasm of anger and +anxiety. + +"Don't play the fool!" he cried, savagely, as he drew rein close to her. +"You might have thrown the mare down or mixed her in with the gate, +pulling her up short like that. It's a wonder you didn't come off +yourself, for though you're a devil to go, you know as well as I do +you're a poor horse-woman." + +He was violently angry, partly at Mildred's ignorant rashness, partly +because, after all, she had beaten him. She, taking her hat from his +hand and fastening it on again, uttered apologies, but from the lips +only; for she had never seen a man furious before, and she was keenly +interested in the spectacle. Maxwell's eyes were not inscrutable now; +they glittered with manifest rage. His harsh voice was still harsher, +his hard jaw clinched, the muscles of his lean face, which was as pale +as its brownness allowed it to be, stood out like cords, and the hand +that grasped her reins shook. Mildred felt somewhat as she imagined a +lion-tamer might feel; just the least bit alarmed, but mistress of the +brute, on the whole, and enjoying the contact with anything so natural +and fierce and primitive. The feeling had not had time to pall on her, +when going through the gate, they were joined by two other members of +the little clan of Wytham riders, and all rode back to Oxford together, +through flying scuds of rain. + + + + +CHAPTER XVI + + +There is a proverbial rule against playing with fire, but it is one +which, as Davison would have said, was evidently made by average people, +who would in fact rather play with something else. There are others to +whom fire is the only really amusing plaything; and though the +by-stander may hold his breath, nine times out of ten they will come out +of the game as unscathed as the professional fire-eater. This was not +precisely true of Mildred, who had still a wide taste in playthings; but +in the absence of anything new and exciting in her environment, she +found an immense fascination in playing with the fiery elements in +Maxwell Davison's nature, in amusing her imagination with visions of a +free wandering life, led under a burning Oriental sky, which he +constantly suggested to her. Yet dangerously alluring as these visions +might appear, appealing to all the hidden nomad heart of her, her good +sense was never really silenced. It told her that freedom from the +shackles of civilization might become wearisome in time, besides +involving heavier, more intolerable forms of bondage; although she did +not perceive that Maxwell Davison's dislike to her being a slave was +only a dislike to her being somebody else's slave. He was a despot at +heart and had accustomed himself to a frank despotism over women. +Mildred's power over him, the uncertainty of his power over her, +maddened him. But Mildred did not know what love meant. At one time she +had fancied her affection for Ian might be love; now she wondered +whether her strange interest in the society of a man for whom she had no +affection, could be that. She did not feel towards Ian as an ordinary +wife might have done, yet his feelings and interests weighed much with +her. Milly, too, she must necessarily consider, but she did that in a +different, an almost vengeful spirit. + +One evening Ian, looking up from his work, asked her what she was +smiling at so quietly to herself. And she could not tell him, because it +was at a horrible practical joke suggested to her by an impish spirit +within. What if she should prepare a little surprise for the returning +Milly? Let her find herself planted in Araby the Blest with Maxwell +Davison? Mildred chuckled, wondering to herself which would be in the +biggest rage, Milly or Max; for however Tims might affirm the contrary, +Mildred had a fixed impression that Milly could be in a rage. + +The fire-game was hastening to its close; but before Mildred could prove +herself a real mistress of the dangerous element, the sleep fell upon +her. + +Except a sensation of fatigue, for which it was easy to find a reason, +there was no warning of the coming change. But Ian had dreams in the +night and opened his eyes in the morning with a feeling of uneasiness +and depression. Mildred could never sleep late without causing him +anxiety, and on this morning his first glance at her filled him with a +dread certainty. She was sleeping what was to her in a measure the sleep +of death. He had a violent impulse to awaken her forcibly; but he feared +it would be dangerous. With his arm around her and his head close to +hers on the pillow, he whispered her name over and over again. The +calmness of her face gradually gave way to an expression of struggle +approaching convulsion, and he dared not continue. He could only await +the inevitable in a misery which from its very nature could find no +expression and no comforter. + +Milly, unlike Mildred, did not return to the world in a rapture of +satisfaction with it. The realization of the terrible robbery of life of +which she had again been the victim, was in itself enough to account for +a certain sadness even in her love for Ian and for her child. The +hygiene of the nursery had been neglected according to her ideas, yet +Baby was bonny enough to delight any mother's heart, however heavy it +might be. Ian, she said, wanted feeding up and taking care of; and he +submitted to the process with a gentle, melancholy smile. Just one +request he made; that she would not spoil her pretty hair by screwing it +up in her usual unbecoming manner. She understood, studying a certain +photograph in a drawer--what drawer was safe from Milly's tidyings?--and +dressed her hair as like it as she knew how, with a secret bitterness of +heart. + +Mildred had found a diary, methodically kept by Milly, of great use to +her, and although incapable herself of keeping one regularly, she had +continued it in a desultory manner, noting down whatever she thought +might be useful for Milly's guidance. For whatever the feelings of the +two personalities towards each other, there was a terrible closeness of +union between them. Their indivisibility in the eyes of the world made +their external interests inevitably one. New friends and acquaintances +Mildred had noted down, with useful remarks upon them. She was not +confidential on the subject of Maxwell Davison, but she gave the bare +necessary information. + +It was now late in the Summer Term and her bedroom chimney-piece was +richly decorated with invitation cards. Among others there was an +invitation to a garden-party at Lady Margaret Hall. Milly put on a fresh +flowered muslin dress, apparently unworn, that she found hanging in one +of the deep wall-cupboards of the old house, and a coarse burnt-straw +hat, trimmed with roses and black ribbon, which became her marvellously +well. All the scruples of an apostle of hygienic dress, all the +uneasiness of an economist at the prospect of unpaid bills, disappeared +before the pleasure of a young woman face to face with an extremely +pretty reflection in a pier-glass. That glass, an oval in a light +mahogany frame, of the Regency period, if not earlier, was one of +Mildred's finds in the slums of St. Ebbes. + +She walked across the Parks, where the Cricket Match of the season was +drawing a crowd, meaning to come out by a gate below Lady Margaret Hall, +the gardens and buildings of which did not then extend to the Cherwell. +In their place were a few tennis-grounds and a path leading to a +boat-house, shared by a score or more of persons. While she was still +coming across the grass of the Parks, a man in flannels, very white in +the sun, came towards her from the gate for which she was making. He +must have recognized her from a long way off. He was a striking-looking +man of middle age, walking with a free yet indolent stride that carried +him along much faster than it appeared to do. + +Milly had no idea who the stranger was, but he greeted her with: "Here +you are at last, Mildred! Do you know how much behind time you are?"--he +took out his watch--"Exactly thirty-five minutes. I should have given +you up if I hadn't known that breaking your promise is not among your +numerous vices, and unpunctuality is." + +Who on earth was he? And why did he call her by her Christian name? +Milly went a beautiful pink with embarrassment. + +"I'm so sorry. I thought the party would have just begun," she replied. + +"You don't mean to say you want to keep me kicking my heels while you go +to a confounded party? I thought you knew I was off to Paris to-night, +after that Firdusi manuscript, and I think of taking the Continental +Express to Constantinople next week. I don't know when I shall be back. +Surely, Mildred, it's not a great deal to ask you to spare half an hour +from a wretched party to come on the river with me before I go?" It +struck Maxwell as he ended that he was falling into the whining of the +Occidental lover. He was determined that he would clear the situation +this afternoon; the more determined because he was conscious of a +feeling odiously resembling fear which had before now held him back from +plain dealing with Mildred. Afraid of a woman? It was too ridiculous. + +Milly, meanwhile, felt herself on firmer ground. This must be Ian's +cousin, Maxwell Davison, the Orientalist. But there was nothing nomadic +in her heart to thrill to the idea of being on the Cherwell this +afternoon, in London this evening, in Paris next morning, in +Constantinople next week. + +"Of course I'll come on the river with you," she said. "I'm sorry I'm +late. I'm afraid I--I'd forgotten." + +Forgotten! How simply she said it! Yet it was surely the veriest +impudence of coquetry. He looked at her slowly from the hat downward, as +he lounged leisurely at her side. + +"War-paint, I see!" he remarked. "Armed from head to heel with all the +true and tried female weapons. They're just the same all the world +over--'plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose,'--though no doubt you +fancy they're different. Who's the frock put on for, Mildred? For the +party, or--for me?" + +Milly was conscious of such an extreme absence of intention so far as +Maxwell was concerned, that it would have been rude to express it. She +went very pink again, and lifting forget-me-not blue eyes to his +inscrutable ones, articulated slowly: + +"I'm sure I don't know." + +Her eyes were like a child's and a shy smile curved her pink lips +adorably as she spoke. Such mere simplicity would not in itself have +cast a spell over Maxwell, but it came to him as a new, surprising phase +of the eternal feminine in her; and it had the additional charm that it +caused that subjugated feeling resembling fear, with which Mildred could +inspire him, to disappear entirely. He was once more in the proper +dominant attitude of Man. He felt the courage now to make her do what he +believed she wished to do in her heart; the courage, too, to punish her +for the humiliation she had inflicted upon him. Six months ago he would +have had nothing but a hearty contempt for the man who could beat thirty +yards of gravel-path for half an hour, watch in hand, in a misery of +impatience, waiting on the good pleasure of a capricious woman. + +Meantime he laughed good-humoredly at Milly's answer and began to talk +of neutral matters. If her tongue did not move as nimbly as usual, he +flattered himself it was because she knew that the hour of her surrender +was at hand. + +Milly knew the boat-house well, the pleasant dimness of it on hot summer +days; how the varnished boats lay side by side all down its length, and +how the light canoes rested against the walls as it were on shelves. +How, when the big doors were opened on to the raft and the slowly +moving river without, bright circles of sunlight, reflected from the +running water, would fly in and dance on wall and roof. She stood there +in the dimness, while Maxwell lifted down a large canoe and, opening one +of the barred doors, took it out to the water. Mildred would have felt a +half-conscious aesthetic pleasure in watching his movements, +superficially indolent but instinct with strength. Milly had not the +same aesthetic sensibilities, and she was still disagreeably embarrassed +at finding herself on such a familiar footing with a man whom she had +never seen before. Then, although she followed Aunt Beatrice's golden +rule of never allowing a question of feminine dress to interfere with +masculine plans, she could not but feel anxious as to the fate of her +fresh muslin and ribbons packed into a canoe. Maxwell, however, had +learned canoeing years ago on the Canadian lakes, and did not splash. +His lean, muscular brown arms and supple wrists took the canoe rapidly +through the water, with little apparent effort. + +It was the prime of June and the winding willow-shaded Cherwell was in +its beauty. White water-lilies were only just beginning to open silver +buds, floating serenely on their broad green and red pads; but prodigal +masses of wild roses, delicately rich in scent and various in color, +overhung the river in brave arching bowers or starred bushes and +hedgerows so closely that the green briers were hardly visible. Beds of +the large blue water forget-me-not floated beside the banks, and above +them creamy meadow-sweet lifted its tall plumes among the reeds and +grasses. Small water-rats swam busily from bank to bank or played on the +roots of the willows, and bright wings of birds and insects fluttered +and skimmed over the shining stream. + +The Cherwell, though not then the crowded waterway it has since become, +was usually popular with boaters on such an afternoon. But there must +have been strong counter-attractions elsewhere, for Milly and Davison +passed only one, a party of children working very independent oars, on +their way to the little gray house above the ferry, where an old +Frenchman dispensed tea in arbors. + +There was a kind of hypnotic charm in the gliding motion of the canoe +and the water running by. Milly was further dazed by Maxwell's talk. It +was full of mysterious references and couched in the masterful tone of a +person who had rights over her--a tone which before he had been more +willing than able to adopt; but now the bit was between his teeth. +Perhaps absorbed in his own intent, he hardly noticed how little she +answered; but he did notice every point of her beauty as she leaned back +on the cushions in the light shade of her parasol, from the soft +brightness of her hair to the glimpse of delicate white skin which +showed through the open-work stocking on her slender foot. + +When they were in the straight watery avenue between green willow walls, +which leads up to the ferry, he slackened the pace. + +"And what are you going to do next week?" he asked, as one of a series +of ironical questions. + +"A great deal; much more than I care to do. I'm going up to town to see +the new Savoy opera, and I'm going to a dance, and to several +garden-parties, and to dine with the Master of Durham." + +"Quite enough for some people; but not for you, Mildred. Think of +it--year after year, always the same old run. October Term, Lent Term, +Summer Term! A little change in Vacations, say a month abroad, when you +can afford it. You aren't meant for it, you know you're not, any more +than a swallow's meant for the little hopping, pecketing life of a +London sparrow." + +"Indeed, I don't see the likeness either way. I'm quite happy as I am." + +He smiled mockingly. + +"Quite happy! As it's very proper you should be, of course. Come, +Mildred, no humbug! Think how you'd feel if you knew that instead of +going to all those idiotic parties next week you were going to +Constantinople." + +"Isn't it dreadfully hot at this time of year?" + +"I like it hot. But at any rate one can always find some cool place in +the hottest weather. How would you like to go in a caravan from Cairo to +Damascus next autumn?" + +"I dare say it would be delightful, if the country one passed through +were not too wild and dangerous. But Ian would never be able to leave +his work for an expedition like that." + +Maxwell smiled grimly. + +"I'd no idea you'd want him. I shouldn't. Do be serious. If you fancy +I'm the sort of man you can go on playing with forever, you're most +confoundedly mistaken." + +Milly was both offended and alarmed. Was this strange man mad? And she +alone with him on the river! + +"I don't know what you mean," she said, coldly. + +"Don't you?" he returned, and he still wore his ironic smile--"Well, I +know what you mean all the time. You say I only know Oriental women, +but, by Allah, there's not a pin to choose between the lot of you, +except that there's less humbug about them, and over here you're a set +of trained, accomplished hypocrites!" + +Indignation overcame fear in Milly's bosom. + +"We are nothing of the kind," she said. "How can you talk such +nonsense?" + +"Nonsense? I suppose being a woman you can't really be logical, although +you generally pretend to be so. Why have you pranked yourself out, spent +an hour I dare say in making yourself pretty to-day? For what possible +reason except to attract the eyes of a crowd of men, young fools or +doddering old ones--" + +Milly uttered an expression of vehement denial, but he continued: + +"Or else to whet my appetite for forbidden fruit. But there's no 'or' +about it, is there? Most likely you had both of those desirable objects +in view." + +Milly was not a coward when her indignation was aroused. She took hold +of the sides of the canoe and began raising herself. + +"I don't know whether you mean to be insulting," she said; "but I don't +wish to hear any more of this sort of thing. I'd rather you put me out, +please." + +"Sit down," he said, with authority--the canoe was rocking +violently--"unless you're anxious to be drowned. I warn you I'm a very +poor swimmer, and if we upset there's not a ghost of a chance of my +being able to save you." + +Milly was a poor swimmer, too, and felt by no means competent to save +herself; neither was she anxious to be drowned. So she sat down again. + +"Put me out at the ferry, please," she repeated, haughtily. + +They were reaching the end of the willow avenue, just where the wire +rope crosses the river. On the right was a small wooden landing-stage, +and high above it the green, steep river-bank, with the gray house and +the arbors on the top. The old Frenchman stood before the house in his +shirt-sleeves, watching sadly for his accustomed prey, which for some +inexplicable reason did not come. He took off his cap expectantly to +Maxwell Davison, whom he knew; but the canoe glided swiftly under the +rope and on. + +"No, I sha'n't put you out, Mildred," Maxwell answered with decision, +after a pause. "I'm sorry if I've offended you. I've forgotten my +manners, no doubt, and must seem a bit of a brute to you. I didn't bring +you here just to quarrel, or to play a practical joke upon you, and send +you on a field-walk in that smart frock and shoes--" he smiled at her, +and this time she was obliged to feel a certain fascination in his +smile--"nor yet to go on with the game you've been playing with me all +these months. You forget; I've been used to Nature for so many years +that I find it hard to realize how natural the most artificial +conditions of life appear to you. I'll try to remember; but you must +remember, too, that the most civilized beings on earth have got to come +right up against the hard facts of Nature sometimes. They've got to be +stripped of their top layer and see it stripped off other people, and to +recognize the fact that every one has got a core of Primitive Man or of +Primitive Woman in them; a perfectly unalterable, indestructible core. +And the people who refuse to recognize that aren't elevated and refined, +but simply stupid and obstinate and no good." + +Milly, if she would have no compromise with principles, was always quick +to accept an apology. She did not follow the line of Maxwell's argument, +but she remembered it was noted in a certain deplorably irregular Diary, +that he had lived for many years in the East and was quite Orientalized +in many of his ways and ideas. With gentle dignity she signified that in +her opinion civilized European manners and views were to be commended in +opposition to barbarous and Oriental ones. Maxwell, his face bent +towards the turning paddle, hardly heard what she was saying. He was +paddling fast and considering many things. + +They came to where the river ran under a narrow grass field, rising in +a steep bank and shut off from the world by a tall hedge and a row of +elms, that threw long shadows down the grass and were reflected in the +water. A path led through it, but it was little frequented. On the other +side was a wide, green meadow, where the long grass was ripening under +rose-blossoming hedges, and far beyond was the blueness of distant hills +and woods. Maxwell ran the bow of the canoe into a thick bed of +forget-me-nots, growing not far from the bank. He laid the dripping +paddle aside, and, resting his elbows on his knees, held his head in his +hands for a minute or more. When he turned his face towards her it was +charged with passion, but most of all with a grave masterfulness. He had +been sitting on a low seat, but now he kneeled so as to come nearer to +her, and, stretching out his long arms, laid a hand, brown, +long-fingered, smooth, on her two slight, gray-gloved ones. + +"Mildred," he said, and his voice seemed to have lost its harshness, +"I've brought you here to make you decide what you are going to do with +me and with yourself. I want you--you know I want you, but I don't come +begging for you as an alms. I say, just compare the life, the free, +glorious life I can give you, and the wretched, petty round of existence +here. Come with me, won't you? Don't be afraid I shall treat you like a +slave; I follow Nature, and Nature made you a queen. Come with me +to-night, come to Paris, to Constantinople, to all the East! Never mind +about love yet, we won't talk about that, for I don't really flatter +myself you love me; I'm only sure you don't love Ian--" + +Milly had listened to him so far, drawing herself back to the farthest +end of the canoe, half petrified with amazement, half dominated by his +powerful personality. At these words her pallor gave way to a scarlet +flush. + +"How dare you!" she cried, in a voice tremulous with indignation. "How +dare you talk to me like this? How dare you name my husband? You brought +me out here on purpose to say such things to me? Oh, it's abominable, +it's disgraceful!" + +There was no room for doubt as to the sincerity of her indignation. +Maxwell drew back and his face changed. There were patches of dull red +on his cheeks, almost as though he had been struck, and his narrow eyes +glittered. Looking at him, Milly felt physical fear; she thought once +more of insanity. There was a silence; then she spoke again. + +"Put me on to the bank here, please. I'll walk back." + +"I shall let you go when I choose," returned he, in a grating voice. "I +have something to say to you first." + +He paused and his frown darkened upon her. "You asked me how I 'dared.' +Dare! Do you take me for a dog, to be chained up and tantalized with +nice bits, and hardly allowed to whine for them? I say, how dare you +entice me with your beauty--it's decked out now for me--entice me with +all your beguiling ways, your pretence of longing to go away and to live +the free life in the East as I live it? Now, when you've made me want +you--what else have you been aiming at? You pretend to be surprised, you +pretend even to yourself, to be dreadfully shocked. What damned humbug! +With us only the dancing-girls venture to play such tricks as you do, +and they daren't go too far, because the men are men and wear knives. +But here you proper women, with your weakness unnaturally protected, you +go about pretending you don't know there's such a thing in the world as +desire--oh, of course not!--and all the while you're deliberately +exciting it and playing upon it." + +Mildred had been right in saying that the gentle Milly could be in a +rage; though it was a thing that had happened to her only once or twice +before since her childhood. It happened now. Anger, burning anger, +extinguished the fear that had held her silent while he was speaking. + +"It's false!" she cried, with burning face and blazing eyes. "It's +disgraceful of you to say such things--it's degrading for me to have to +hear them. I will get away from you, if I have to jump into the river." + +She started forward, but Maxwell, with his tall, lithe body and long +arms, had a great reach. He leaned forward and his iron hands were upon +her shoulders, forcing her back. + +"Don't be a fool," he said, still fierce in eye and voice. + +Her lips trembled with fury so that she could hardly speak. + +"Do you consider yourself a gentleman?" + +He laughed scornfully. + +"I don't consider the question at all. I am a man; you are a woman, and +you have presumed to make a plaything of me. You thought you could do it +with impunity because we are civilized, because you are a lady; for +bar-maids and servant-girls do get their throats cut sometimes still. +Don't be frightened, I'm not going to kill you, but I mean to make you +understand for once that these privileges of weakness are humbug, that +they're not in nature. I mean to teach you that a man is a better +animal--" + +He suddenly withdrew his hands from her with a sharp exclamation. +Milly's teeth were pearly white and rather small, but they were pointed, +and they had met in the flesh of the right hand which rested so firmly +on her shoulder. He fell back and put his hand to his mouth. A boat-hook +lay within her reach, and her end of the canoe had drifted near enough +to the river-bank for her to be able to catch hold with the hook and to +pull it farther in. Braced to the uttermost by rage and fear, she +bounded to her feet without upsetting the canoe. It lurched violently, +but righted itself, swinging out once more into the stream. Maxwell +looked up and saw her standing on the river-bank above him. She did not +stay to parley, but with lifted skirt hurried up the steep meadow, +through the sun-flecked shadows of the elm-trees, towards the path. When +she was half-way up a harsh, sardonic laugh sounded behind her, and +instinctively she looked back. Maxwell held up his wounded hand: + +"Primitive woman at last, Mildred!" he shouted. "Don't apologize, I +sha'n't." + + + + +CHAPTER XVII + + +Ian only came home just in time to scramble into his evening dress-suit +for a dinner at the Fletchers'. He needed not to fear delay either from +that shirt-button at the back, refractory or on the last thread, or from +any other and more insidious trap for the hurrying male. Milly looked +after him in a way which, if the makers of traditions concerning wives +were not up to their necks in falsehood, must have inspired devotion in +the heart of any husband alive. She had already observed that he had +been allowed to lose most of the pocket-handkerchiefs she had marked for +him in linen thread. That trifles such as this should cause bitterness +will seem as absurd to sensible persons as it would to be told that our +lives are made up of mere to-morrows--if Shakespeare had not happened to +put that in his own memorable way. For it takes a vast deal of +imagination to embrace the ordinary facts of life and human nature. But +even the most sensible will understand that it was annoying for Milly +regularly to find her own and the family purse reduced to a state that +demanded rigid economy. The Invader, stirring in that limbo where she +lay, might have answered that rigid economy was Milly's forte and real +delight, and that it was well she should have nothing to spend in +ridiculously disguising the fair body they were condemned to share. +Mildred certainly left behind her social advantages which both Ian and +Milly enjoyed without exactly realizing their source, while her +bric-a-brac purchases, from an eighteenth-century print to a Chinese +ivory, were always sure to be rising investments. But all such minor +miseries as her invasion might multiply for Milly, were forgotten in the +horror of the abyss that had now opened under her feet. For long after +that second return of hers, on the night of the thunderstorm, a shadow, +a dreadful haunting thought, had hovered in the back of her mind. +Gradually it had faded with the fading of a memory; but to-night the +colors of that memory revived, the thought startled into a more vivid +existence. + +In the press and hurry of life, not less in Oxford than in other modern +towns, the Stewarts and Fletchers did not meet so often and intimately +as to make inevitable the discovery of Mildred Stewart's dual +personality by her cousins. They said she had developed moods; but with +the conservatism of relations, saw nothing in her that they had not seen +in her nursery days. + +Ian and Milly walked home from dinner, according to Oxford custom, but a +Durham man walked with them, talking over a College question with Ian, +and they did not find themselves alone until they were within the +wainscoted walls of the old house. Milly had looked so pale all the +evening that Ian expected her to go to bed at once; but she followed +him into the study, where the lamp was shedding its circle of light on +the heaped books and papers of his writing-table. Making some +perfunctory remarks which she barely answered, he sat down to work at an +address which he was to deliver at the meeting of a learned society in +London. + +Milly threw off her white shawl and seated herself on the old, +high-backed sofa. Her dress was of some gauzy material of indeterminate +tone, interwoven with gold tinsel, and a scarf of gauze embroidered with +gold disguised what had seemed to her an over-liberal display of +dazzling shoulders. Ian, absorbed in his work, hardly noticed his wife +sitting in the penumbra, chin on hand, staring before her into +nothingness, like some Cassandra of the hearth, who listens to the +inevitable approaching footsteps of a tragic destiny. At last she said: + +"I've got something awful to tell you." + +Ian startled, dropped his pen and swung himself around in his pivot +chair. + +"What about? Tony?"--for it was to this diminutive that Mildred had +reduced the flowing syllables of Antonio. + +"No, your cousin, Maxwell Davison." + +Now, Ian liked his cousin well enough, but by no means as well as he +liked Tony. + +"About Max!" he exclaimed, relieved. "What's happened to him?" + +"Nothing--but oh, Ian! I--hate even to speak of such a thing--" + +"Never mind. Just tell me what it is." + +"I was on the river with him this afternoon, and he--he made love to +me." + +The lines of Ian's face suddenly hardened. + +"Did he?" he returned, significantly, playing with a paper-knife. Then, +after a pause: "I'm awfully sorry, Milly. I'd no idea he was such a +cad." + +"He--he wanted me to run away with him." + +Ian's face became of an almost inhuman severity. + +"I shall let Maxwell Davison know my opinion of him," he said. + +"But it's worse--it's even more horrible than that. He was expecting me. +I--_I_ of course knew nothing about it; I only knew about the +garden-party at Lady Margaret. But he said I'd promised to come; he said +all kinds of shocking, horrid things about my having dressed myself up +for him--" + +"Please don't tell me what he said, Milly," Ian interrupted, still +coldly, but with a slight expression of disgust. "I'd rather you didn't. +I suppose I ought to have taken better care of you, my poor little girl, +but really here in Oxford one never thinks of anything so outrageous +happening." + +"I must tell you one thing," she resumed, almost obstinately. "He said +he knew I didn't love you--that _I_ didn't love _you_, my own darling +husband. Some one, some one--must be responsible for his thinking that. +How do I know what happens when--when I'm away. My poor Ian! Left with a +creature who doesn't love you!" + +Ian rose. His face was cold and hard still, but there was a faint flush +on his cheek, the mark of a frown between his black brows. He walked to +a window and looked out into the moonlit garden, where the gnarled +apple-trees threw weird black shadows on grass and wall, like shapes of +grotesque animals, or half-hidden spectres, lurking, listening, waiting. + +"We're getting on to a dangerous subject," he answered, at length. +"Don't give me pain by imagining evil about--about yourself. You could +never, under any aspect, be anything but innocent and loyal and all that +a man could wish his wife to be." + +He smoothed his brow with an effort, went up to her, and taking her soft +face between his hands kissed her forehead. + +"There!" he exclaimed, with a forced smile. "Don't let's talk about it +any more, darling. Go to bed and forget all about it. It won't seem so +bad to-morrow morning." + +But Milly did not respond. When he released her head she threw it back +against her own clasped hands, closing her eyes. She was ghastly pale. + +"No," she moaned, "I can't bear it by myself. It's too, too awful. It's +not Me; it's something that takes my place. I saw it once. It's an evil +spirit. O God, what have I done that such a thing should happen to me! +I've always tried to be good." + +There was a clash of pity and anger in Ian's breast. Pity for Milly's +case, anger on account of her whom his inmost being recognized as +another, whatever his rational self might say to the matter. He sat +down beside his wife and uttered soothing nothings. But she turned upon +him eyes of wild despair, the more tragic because it broke through a +nature fitted only for the quietest commonplaces of life. She flung +herself upon him, clutching him tight, hiding her face upon him. + +"What have I done?" she moaned again. "You know I always believed in +God, in God's love. I wouldn't have disbelieved even if He'd taken you +away from me. But now I can't believe in anything. There must be wicked +spirits, but there can't be a good God if He allows them to take +possession of a poor girl like me, who's never done any one any harm. O +Ian, I've tried to pray, and I can't. I don't believe in anything now." + +Ian was deeply perplexed. He himself believed neither in a God nor in +evil spirits, and he knew not how to approach Milly's mind. At length he +said, quietly: + +"I should have expected you, dear, to have reasoned about this a little +more. What's the use of being educated if we give way to superstition, +like savages, directly something happens that we don't quite understand? +Some day an eclipse of conscious personality, like yours, will come to +be understood as well as an eclipse of the moon. Don't let's make it +worse by conjuring up superstitious terrors." + +"At first I thought it was like that--an eclipse of memory. But now I +feel more and more it's a different person that's here, it's not I. +To-night Cousin David said that sometimes when he met me he expected to +find when he got home that his Lady Hammerton had walked away out of the +frame. And, Ian, I looked up at that portrait, and suddenly I was +reminded of--that fearful night when I came back and saw--something. I +am descended from that woman, and you know how wicked she was." + +Again the strange irritation stirred in the midst of Ian's pity. + +"Wicked, darling! That's an absurd word to use." + +"She left her husband. And it's awful that I, who can't understand how +any woman could be so wicked as to do that, should be so terribly like +her. I feel as though it had something to do with this appalling thing +happening to me. Perhaps her sins are being visited on me." She held the +lapels of his coat and looked tenderly, yearningly, in his face. "And I +could bear it better if--But oh, my Ian! I can't bear to think of you +left with something wicked, with some one who doesn't love you, who +deceives you, and--" + +"Milly," he broke in, "I won't have you say things like that. They are +absolutely untrue, and I won't have them said." + +There was a note of sternness in his voice that Milly had never heard +before, and she saw a hard look come into his averted face which was new +to her. When she spoke it was in a gasp. + +"You love her? You love that wicked, bad woman so much you won't let me +tell you what she is?" + +He drew himself away from her with a gesture, and in a minute answered +with cold deliberation: + +"I cannot cease to love my own wife because--because she's not always +exactly the same." + +They sat silent beside each other. At length Milly rose from the sofa. +The tinselled scarf, that other woman's delicate finery, had slipped +from the white beauty of her shoulders. She drew it around her again +slowly, and slowly with bowed head left the room. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII + + +Between noon and one o'clock on a bright June morning there is no place +in the world quite so full of sunshine and summer as the quadrangle of +an Oxford College. Not Age but Youth of centuries smiles from gray walls +and aery pinnacles upon the joyous children of To-day. Youth, in a +bright-haired, black-winged-butterfly swarm, streams out of every dark +doorway, from the austere shade of study, to disport itself, two by two, +or in larger eddying groups, upon the worn gravel, even venturously +flits across the sacred green of the turf. There is an effervescence of +life in the clear air, and the sun-steeped walls of stone are resonant +with the cheerful noise of young voices. Here and there men already in +flannels pass towards the gate; Dons draped in the black folds of the +stately gown, stand chatting with their books under their arms; and +since the season of festivity has begun, scouts hurry cautiously to and +fro from buttery and kitchen, bearing brimming silver cups crowned with +blue borage and floating straws, or trays of decorated viands. The +scouts are grave and careworn, but from every one else a kind of +physical joy and contentment seems to breathe as perfume breathes from +blossoms and even leaves, in the good season of the year. + +Ian Stewart did not quite resist this atmosphere of physical +contentment. He stood in the sunshine exchanging a few words with +passing pupils; yet at the back of his mind there was a deep distress. +He had been brought up in the moral refinement, the honorable strictness +of principle with regard to moral law, common to his academic class, +and, besides, he had an innate delicacy and sensibility of feeling. If +his intelligence perceived that there are qualities, individualities +which claim exemption from ordinary rules, he had no desire to claim any +such exemption for himself. Yet he found himself occupying the position +of a man torn on the rack between a jealous wife for whom he has +affection and esteem, and a mistress who compels his love. Only here was +not alone a struggle but a mystery, and the knot admitted of no +severance. + +He looked around upon his pupils, upon the distant figures of his fellow +Dons, robed in the same garb, seemingly living the same life as himself. +Where was fact, where was reality? In yonder phantasmagoric procession +of Oxford life, forever repeating itself, or in this strange +tragi-comedy of souls, one in two and two in one, passing behind the +thick walls of that old house in the street nearby? There he stood among +the rest, part and parcel apparently of an existence as ordinary, as +peaceful, as monotonous as the Victorian era could produce. Yet if he +were to tell any one within sight the plain truth concerning his life, +it would be regarded as a fairy tale, the fantastic invention of an +overwrought brain. + +There is something in college life which fosters a reticence that is +almost secretiveness; and this becomes a code, a religion; yet Stewart +found himself seized with an intense longing to confide in someone. And +at that moment, from under the wide archway leading into the quadrangle, +appeared the Master of Durham. The Master was in cap and gown, and +carried some large papers under his arm; he walked slowly, as he had +taken to walking of late, his odd, trotting gait transformed almost to a +hobble. Meditative, he looked straight before him with unseeing eyes. No +artist was ever able to seize the inner and the outer verity of that +round, pink baby face, filled with the power of a weighty personality +and a penetrating mind. Stewart marked him in that minute, sagacity and +benevolence, as it were, silently radiating from him; and the younger +man in his need turned to the wise Master, the paternal friend whose +counsels had done so much to set his young feet in the way of success. + +When Stewart found himself in the Master's study, the study so familiar +to his youth, with its windows looking out on the garden quadrangle, and +saw the great little man himself seated before him at the writing-table, +he marvelled at the temerity that had brought him there to speak on such +a theme. But the cup was poured and had to be drunk. The Master left him +to begin. He sat with a plump hand on each plump knee, and regarded his +old pupil with silent benevolence. + +"I've come to see you, Master," said Stewart, "because I feel very +bewildered, very helpless, in a matter which touches my wife even more +than myself. You were so kind about my marriage, and you have always +been good to her as well as to me." + +"Miss Flaxman was a nice young lady," squeaked the Master. "I knew you +married wisely." + +"Something happened shortly before we were engaged which she--we didn't +quite grasp--its importance, I mean," Stewart began. He then spoke of +those periodical lapses of memory in his wife which he had come to see +involved real and extraordinary variations in her character--a change, +in fact, of personality. He mentioned their futile visits to +Norton-Smith, the brain and nerve specialist. The Master heard him +without either moving or interrupting. When he had done there was a +silence. At length the Master said: + +"I suspect we don't understand women." + +"Perhaps not. But, Master, haven't you yourself noticed a great +difference in my wife at various times?" + +"Not more than I feel in myself--not of another character, that is. We +live among men; we live among men who, generally speaking, know nothing +about women. That's why women appear to us strange and unnatural. Your +wife's quite normal, really." + +"But the memory alone, surely--" + +"That's made you nervous; but I've known cases not far different. You +remember meeting Sir Henry Milwood here? When I knew him he was a young +clergyman. He had an illness; forgot all about his clerical life, and +went sheep-farming in Australia, where he made his fortune." + +"But his personality?" asked Stewart, with anxiety. "Was that changed?" + +"Certainly. A colonial sheep-farmer is a different person from a young +Don just in orders." + +"I don't mean that, Master. I mean did he rise from his bed with ideas, +with feelings quite opposite to those which had possessed him when he +lay down upon it? Did he ever have a return of the clerical phase, +during which he forgot how he became a sheep-farmer and wished to take +up his old work again?" + +"No--no." + +There was a pause. The Master played with his gold spectacles and sucked +his under lip. Then: + +"Take a good holiday, Stewart," he said. + +Stewart's clear-cut face hardened and flushed momentarily. "These are +not fancies of my own, Master. Cases occur in which two, sometimes more +than two, entirely different personalities alternate in the same +individual. The spontaneous cases are rare, of course, but hypnotism +seems to develop them pretty freely. The facts are there, but English +scientists prefer to say nothing about them." + +The Master rose and trotted restlessly about. + +"They're quite right," he returned, at length. "Such ideas can lead to +nothing but mischief." + +"Surely that is the orthodox theologian's usual objection to scientific +fact." + +The Master lifted his head and looked at his rebel disciple. For +although he was an officiating clergyman, he and the orthodox +theologians were at daggers drawn. + +"Views, statements of this kind are not knowledge," he said, after a +while, and continued moving uneasily about without looking at Stewart. + +Stewart did not reply; it seemed useless to go on talking. He recognized +that the Master's attitude was what his own had been before the iron of +fact had entered into his flesh and spirit. Yet somehow he had hoped +that his Master's large and keen perception of human things, his +judicial mind, would have lifted him above the prejudices of Reason. He +sat there cheerless, his college cap between his knees; and was seeking +the moment to say good-bye when the Master suddenly sat down beside him. +To any one looking in at the window, the two seated side by side on the +hard sofa would have seemed an oddly assorted pair. Stewart's length of +frame, the raven black of his hair and beard, the marble pallor of his +delicate features, made the little Master look smaller, pinker, plumper +than usual; but his face, radiating wisdom and affection, was more than +beautiful in the eyes of his old disciple. + +"I took a great interest in your marriage, Stewart," he said. "I always +think of you and your wife as two very dear young friends. You must let +me speak to you now as a father might--and probably wouldn't." + +Stewart assented with affectionate reverence. + +"You are young, but your wife is much younger. A man marries a girl +many years younger than himself and has not the same feeling of +responsibility towards her as he would have towards a young man of the +same age. He seldom considers her youth. Yet his responsibility is much +greater towards her than towards a pupil of the same age; she needs more +help, she will accept more in forming her mind and character. Now you +have married a young lady who is very intelligent, very pleasing; but +she has a delicate nervous system, and it has been overstrained. She +lets this peculiar weakness of her memory get on her nerves. You have +nerves yourself, you have imagination, and you let your mind give way to +hers. That's not wise; it's not right. Let her feel that these moods do +not affect you; be sure that they do not. What matters mainly is that +your mutual love should remain unchanged. When your wife finds that her +happiness, her real happiness, is quite untouched by these changes of +mood, she will leave off attributing an exaggerated importance to them. +So will you, Stewart. You will see them in their right proportion; you +will see the great evil and danger of giving way to imagination, of +accepting perverse psychological hypotheses as guides in life. Reason +and Religion are the only true guides." + +The Master did not utter these sayings continuously. There were pauses +which Stewart might have filled, but he did not offer to do so. The +spell of his old teacher's mind and aspect was upon him. His spirit was, +as it were, bowed before his Master in a kind of humility. + +He walked home with a lightened heart, feeling somewhat as a devout +sinner might feel to whom his confessor had given absolution. For about +twenty-four hours this mood lasted. Then he confronted the fact that the +beloved Master's advice had been largely, though not altogether, futile, +because it had not dealt with actuality. And Ian Stewart saw himself to +be moving in the plain, ordinary world of men as solitary as a ghost +which vainly endeavors to make its presence and its needs recognized. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX + + +Tims had ceased to be an inhabitant of Oxford. She was studying +physiology in London and luxuriating in the extraordinary cheapness of +life in Cranham Chambers. Not that she had any special need of +cheapness; but the spinster aunt who brought her up had, together with a +comfortable competence, left her the habit of parsimony. If, however, +she did not know how to enjoy her own income, she allowed many women +poorer than herself to benefit by it. + +She was no correspondent; and an examination, followed by the serious +illness of her next-door neighbor--Mr. Fitzalan, a solitary man with a +small post in the British Museum--had prevented her from visiting Oxford +during Mildred's last invasion. She had imagined Milly Stewart to have +been leading for two undisturbed years the busily tranquil life proper +to her; adoring Ian and the baby, managing her house, and going +sometimes to church and sometimes to committees, without wholly +neglecting the cultivation of the mind. A letter from Milly, in which +she scented trouble, made her call herself sternly to account for her +long neglect of her friend. + +It was now the Long Vacation, but Miss Burt was still at Ascham and +Lady Thomson was spending a week with her. She had stayed with the +Stewarts in the spring, and resolutely keeping a blind eye turned +towards whatever she ought to have disapproved in Mildred, had lauded +her return to bodily vigor, and also to good sense, in ceasing to fuss +about the health of Ian and the baby. Aunt Beatrice would have blushed +to own a husband and child whose health required care. This time when +she dined with the Stewarts she had found Milly reprehensibly pale and +dispirited. One day shortly afterwards she came in to tea. The nurse +happened to be out, and Tony, now a beautiful child of fifteen months, +was sitting on the drawing-room floor. + +The two women were discussing plans for raising money to build a +gymnasium at Ascham, but Tony was not interested in the subject. He kept +working his way along the floor to his mother, partly on an elbow and a +knee, but mostly on his stomach. Arrived at his goal he would pull her +skirt, indicate as well as he could a little box lying by his neglected +picture-book, and grunt with much expression. A monkey lived inside the +box, and Tony, whose memory was retentive, persevered in expecting to +hear that monkey summoned by wild tattoos and subterranean growls until +it jumped up with a bang--a splendidly terrible thing of white bristles, +and scarlet snout--to dance the fandango to a lively if unmusical tune. +Then Tony, be sure, would laugh until he rolled from side to side. Mummy +never responded to his wishes now, but Daddy had pleaded for the +Jack-in-the-box to be spared, and sometimes when quite alone with Tony, +would play the monkey-game in his inferior paternal style, pleased with +such modified appreciation as the young critic might bestow upon him. + +"I'm sorry Baby's so troublesome," apologized the distressed Milly, for +the third time lifting Tony up and replacing him in a sitting posture, +with his picture-book. "I'm trying to teach him to sit quiet, but I'm +afraid he's been played with a great deal more than he should have +been." + +"To tell the truth, I thought so the last time I was here," replied Aunt +Beatrice. "But he's still young enough to be properly trained. It's such +waste of a reasonable person's time to spend it making idiotic noises at +a small baby. And it's a thousand times better for the child's brain and +nerves for it to be left entirely to itself." + +Tony said nothing, but his face began to work in a threatening manner. + +"I perfectly agree with you, Aunt Beatrice," responded Milly, eagerly. + +Lady Thomson continued: + +"Children should be spoken to as little as possible until they are from +two to two and a half years old; then they should be taught to speak +correctly." + +Milly chimed in: "Yes, that's always been my own view. I do feel it so +important that their very first impressions should be the right ones, +that the first pictures they see should be good, that they should never +be sung to out of tune and in general--" + +Apparently this programme for babies did not commend itself to Tony; +certainly the first item, enjoining silent development, did not. His +face had by this time worked the right number of minutes to produce a +roar, and it came. Milly picked him up, but the wounds of his spirit +were not to be immediately healed, and the roar continued. Finally he +had to be handed over to the parlor-maid, and so came to great happiness +in the kitchen, where there were no rules against infantile +conversation. Milly was flushed and disturbed. + +"Baby has not been properly brought up," she said. "He's been allowed +his own way too much." + +"Since you say so, Milly, I must confess I noticed in the spring that +you seemed to be bringing the child up in an easy-going, old-fashioned +way I should hardly have expected of you. I hope you will begin now to +study the theory of education. A mother should take her vocation +seriously. I own I don't altogether understand the taste for frivolities +which you have developed since you married. It's harmless, no doubt, but +it doesn't seem quite natural in a young woman who has taken a First in +Greats." + +Milly's hands grasped the arms of her chair convulsively. She looked at +her aunt with desolation in her dark-ringed eyes. The last thing she had +ever intended was to mention the mysterious and disastrous fate that had +befallen her; yet she did it. + +"The person you saw here last spring wasn't I. Oh, Aunt Beatrice! Can't +you see the difference?" + +Lady Thomson looked at her in surprise: + +"What do you mean? I was speaking of my visit to you in March." + +"And don't you see the difference? Oh, how hateful you must have found +me!" + +"Really, Mildred, I saw nothing hateful about you. On the contrary, if +you want the plain truth, I greatly prefer you in a cheerful, +common-sense mood, as you were then, even if your high spirits do lead +you into a little too much frivolity. I think it a more wholesome, and +therefore ultimately a more useful, frame of mind than this causeless +depression, which leads you to take such a morbid, exaggerated view of +things." + +Every word pierced Milly's heart with a double pang. + +"You liked her better than me?" she asked, piteously. "Yet I've always +tried to be just what you wanted me to be, Aunt Beatrice, to do +everything you thought right, and she--Oh, it's too awful!" + +"What do you mean, Mildred?" + +"I mean that the person you prefer to me as I am now, the person who was +here in March, wasn't I at all." + +The fine healthy carnation of Lady Thomson's cheek paled. In her calm, +rapid way she at once found the explanation of Milly's unhealthy, +depressed appearance and manner. Poor Mildred Stewart was insane. Beyond +the paling of her cheek, however, Lady Thomson allowed no sign of shock +to be visible in her. + +"That's an exaggerated way of talking," she replied. "I suppose you mean +your mood was different." + +Milly was looking straight in front of her with haggard eyes. + +"No; it simply wasn't I at all. You believe in the Bible, don't you?" + +"Not in verbal inspiration, of course, but in a general way, yes," +returned Lady Thomson, puzzled but guarded. + +"Do you believe in the demoniacs? In possession by evil spirits?" + +Milly was not looking at vacancy now. Her desperate hands clutched the +arms of her chair, as she leaned forward and fixed her aunt with hollow +eyes, awaiting her reply. + +"Certainly not! Most certainly not! They were obviously cases of +epilepsy and insanity, misinterpreted by an ignorant age." + +"No--it's all true, quite literally true. Three times, and for six +months or more each time, I have been possessed by a spirit that cannot +be good. I know it's not. It takes my body, it takes the love of people +I care for, away from me--" Milly's voice broke and she pressed her +handkerchief over her face. "You all think her--But she's bad, and some +day she'll do something wicked--something that will break my heart, and +you'll all insist it was I who did it, and you'll believe I'm a wicked +woman." + +Lady Thomson looked very grave. + +"Mildred, dear," she said, "try and collect yourself. It is really +wicked of you to give way to such terrible fancies. Would God permit +such a thing to happen to one of His children? We feel sure He would +not." + +Milly shook her head, but the struggle with her hysterical sobs kept her +silent. Lady Thomson walked to the window, feeling more "upset" than she +had ever felt in her life. The window was open, but an awning shut out +the view of the street. From the window-boxes, filled with pink +geraniums and white stocks, a sweet, warm scent floated into the room, +and the rattle of the milkman's cart, the chink of his cans, fell upon +Lady Thomson's unheeding ears. So did voices in colloquy, but she did +not particularly note a female one of a thin, chirpy quality, addressing +the parlor-maid with a familiarity probably little appreciated by that +elegantly decorous damsel. + +Milly had scarcely mastered her tears and Lady Thomson had just begun to +address her in quiet, firm tones, when Tims burst unannounced into the +room. Her hat was incredibly on one side, and her sallow face almost +crimson with heat, but bright with pleasure at finding herself once more +in Oxford. + +"Hullo, old girl!" she cried, blind to the serious scene into which she +was precipitated. "How are you? Now don't kiss me"--throwing herself +into an attitude of violent defence against an embrace not yet +offered--"I'm too hot. Carried my bag myself all the way from the +station and saved the omnibus." + +Lady Thomson fixed Tims with a look of more than usually cold +disapproval. Milly proffered a constrained greeting. + +"Anything gone wrong?" asked Tims, after a minute, peering at Milly's +tear-stained eyes with her own short-sighted ones. + +Milly answered with a forced self-restraint which appeared like cold +deliberation. + +"Aunt Beatrice thinks I'm mad because I say I'm not the same person she +found in my place last March. I want you to tell her that it's not just +my fancy, but that you know that sometimes a quite different person +takes my place, and I'm not responsible for anything she says or does." + +"Yes, that's a solemn Gospel fact, right enough," affirmed Tims. + +Lady Thomson could hardly control her indignation, but she did, although +she spoke sternly to Tims. + +"Do I understand you to say, Miss Timson, that it's a 'solemn Gospel +fact'--Gospel! Good Heavens--that Milly is possessed by a devil?" + +Tims plumped down on the sofa and stared at Lady Thomson. + +"Possessed by a devil? Good Lord, no! What do you mean?" + +"Mildred believes herself to be possessed by an evil spirit." + +Tims turned to Milly in consternation. + +"Milly, old girl! Come! Poor old Milly! I never thought you were so +superstitious as all that. Besides, I know more about it than you do, +and I tell you straight, you mayn't be quite such a good sort when +you're in your other phase, but as to there being a devil in it--well, +devil's all nonsense, but if that were so, I should like to have a devil +myself, and the more the merrier." + +Milly turned on her a face pale with horror and indignation. Her eyes +flashed and she raised a remonstrating hand. + +"Hush!" she cried. "Hush! You don't know what dreadful things you're +saying. I don't know exactly what this spirit is that robs me of my +life; I'm only sure it's not Me and it's not good." + +"Whatever may be the matter with you, Mildred," said Lady Thomson, "it +can't possibly be that. I suppose you have suffered from loss of memory +again and it's upset your nerves. Why will people have nerves? I should +advise you to go to Norton-Smith at once." + +Milly's tears were flowing again but she managed to reply: + +"I've been to Dr. Norton-Smith, Aunt Beatrice. He doesn't seem to +understand." + +"He doesn't want to," interjected Tims, scornfully. "You don't suppose a +respectable English nerve-doctor wants to know anything about +psychology? They'd be interested in the case in France, or in the United +States, but they wouldn't be able to keep down Milly Number Two." + +"Then what use would they be to me?" asked Milly, despairingly. "I can +only trust in God; and He seems to have forsaken me." + +"No, no, my dear child!" cried Lady Thomson. "Don't talk in this painful +way. I can't imagine what you mean, Miss Timson. It all sounds +dreadfully mad." + +"I can explain the whole case to you perfectly," stated Tims, with eager +confidence. + +"I'd better go away," gasped Milly between her convulsive sobs. "I can't +bear any more. But Aunt Beatrice must know now. Tell her what you like, +only--only it isn't true." + +Milly fled to her bedroom; the long, low room, so perfect in its +simplicity, its windows looking away into the sunshine over the pleasant +boughs of orchards and garden-plots and the gray shingled roofs of old +houses--the room from which on that November evening Milly's spirit had +been absent while Ian, the lover whom she had never known, had watched +his Beloved, the Desire of his soul and sense, returning to him from the +unimagined limbo to which she had again withdrawn. + + + + +CHAPTER XX + + +When Ian came back from the Bodleian Library, where he was working, he +heard voices talking in raised tones before he entered the drawing-room. +He found no Milly there, but Lady Thomson and Miss Timson seated at the +extreme ends of the same sofa and engaged in a heated discussion. + +"It can't be true," Lady Thomson was stating firmly. "If it were, what +becomes of Personal Immortality?" + +Miss Timson had just time to convey the fact that Personal Immortality +was not the affair of a woman of science, before she rose to greet Ian, +which she did effusively. + +"Hullo!" he remarked, cheerfully, when her effusion was over. "No Milly +and no tea!" + +"We don't want either just yet," returned Lady Thomson. "I'm terribly +anxious about Mildred, Ian, and Miss Timson has not said anything to +make me less so. I want a sound, sensible opinion on the state of +her--her nerves." + +Ian's brow clouded. + +"Tell me frankly, do you notice so great a difference in her from time +to time, as to account for the positively insane delusion she has got +into her head?" + +"What do you mean, Aunt Beatrice?" asked Ian, shortly, sternly eying +Tims, whom he imagined to have let out the secret. + +"Mildred has made an extraordinary statement to me about not being the +same person now as she was in March. Of course I see she--well, she is +not so full of life as she was then. Yes, I do admit she is in a very +different mood. But do you know the poor unfortunate child has got it +into her head that she is possessed by an evil spirit? I can't think how +you could have allowed her to come to that state of--of mental +aberration, without doing anything." + +Ian was silent. He looked gaunt and sombrely dark in the low, +awning-shaded room, with its heavy beams and floor of wavelike +unevenness. + +"You'll have to put her under care next, if you don't take some steps. +Send her for a sea-voyage." + +"I'd take her myself if I thought it would do her any good," said Tims. +"But I'll lay my bottom dollar it wouldn't." + +"I'm afraid I think Miss Timson's view of the matter as insane as +Milly's," returned Lady Thomson, tartly. + +Ian lifted his bowed head and addressed Tims: + +"I should like to know exactly what your view of the matter is, Miss +Timson. We need not discuss poor Milly's; it's too absurd and also too +painful." + +"It's no doubt a case of disintegration of personality," replied Tims, +after a pause. "Somewhere inside our brains must be a nerve-centre +which co-ordinates most of our mental, our sensory and motor processes, +in such a manner as to produce consciousness, volition, what we call +personality. But after all there are always plenty of activities within +us going on independent of it. Your heart beats, your stomach +digests--even your memory works apart from your consciousness sometimes. +Now suppose some shock or strain enfeebles your centre of consciousness, +so that it ceases to be able to co-ordinate all the mental processes it +has been accustomed to superintend. What you call your personality is +the outcome of your memory and all your other faculties and tendencies +working together, checking and balancing each other. Suppose your centre +of consciousness so enfeebled; suppose at the same time an enfeeblement +of memory, causing you to completely forget external facts: certain of +your faculties and tendencies are left working and they are co-ordinated +without an important part of the memory, without many other faculties +and tendencies which checked and balanced them. Naturally you appear to +yourself and to every one else a totally different person; but it's not +a new personality really, it's only a bit of the old one which goes on +its own hook, while the rest is quiescent." + +"This is the most abominably materialistic theory of the human mind I +ever heard," exclaimed Lady Thomson, indignantly. "The most degrading to +our spiritual natures." + +Ian leaned against the high, carved mantel-piece and pushed back the +black hair from his forehead. + +"I'm not concerned with that," he replied, deliberately, discussing +this case so vitally near to him with an almost terrible calmness. "But +I can't feel that this disintegration theory altogether covers the +ground. There is no development of characteristics previously to be +found in Milly; on the contrary, the qualities of mind and character +which she exhibits when--when the change comes over her, are precisely +the opposite of those she exhibits in what I presume we ought to call +her normal state." + +"There must be some reason for it, old chap, you know," returned Tims; +"and it seems to me that's the line you've got to move along, unless +you're an idiot and go in for devils or spiritualistic nonsense." + +"I believe I've followed what you've been saying, Miss Timson," said +Lady Thomson, in her fullest tones; "and I can assure you I feel under +no necessity to become either a materialist or an idiot in consequence." + +Ian spoke again. + +"I don't profess to be scientific, but I do seem to see another possible +line, running parallel with yours, but not quite the same. It's evident +we can inherit faculties, characteristics, from our ancestors which +never become active in us; but we know they must have been present in us +in a quiescent state, because we can transmit them to children in whom +they become active. Mildred's father and mother, for example, are not +scholars, although her grandfather and great-grandfather were; yet in +one of her parents at least there must be a germ of the scholar's +faculty which has never been developed, because Mildred has inherited +it. Now why can't we develop all the faculties, the germs of which lie +within our borders? Perhaps because we have each only a certain amount +of what I'll call vital current. If the Nile could overflow the whole +desert it would all be fertilized, and perhaps if we had sufficient +vital force we could develop all the faculties whose germs we inherit. +Suppose by some accident, owing to a shock or strain, as you say, the +flow of this vital current of ours is stopped in the direction in which +it usually flows most strongly; its course is diverted and it fertilizes +tracts of our brain and nervous system which before have been lying +quiescent, sterile. If we lose the memory of our former lives, and if at +the same time hereditary faculties and tendencies, of the existence of +which we were unaware, suddenly become active in us, we are practically +new personalities. Then say the vital current resumes its old course; we +regain our memories, our old faculties, while the newly developed ones +sink again into quiescence. We are once more our old selves. No doubt +this is all very unscientific, but so far Science seems to have nothing +to say on the question." + +"It certainly has not," commented Lady Thomson, decisively. "I ought to +know what Science is, considering how often I've met Mr. Darwin and +Professor Huxley. Hypnotism and this kind of unpleasant talk is not +Science. It's only a new variety of the hocus-pocus that's been imposing +on human weakness ever since the world began. I'd sooner believe with +poor Milly that she's possessed by a devil. It's less silly to accept +inherited superstitions than to invent brand-new ones." + +"But we've got to account somehow for the extraordinary changes which +take place in Milly," sighed Ian, wearily. + +The light lines across his forehead were showing as furrows, and Tims's +whole face was corrugated. + +"No hocus-pocus about them, anyway," she said. + +"There's a great deal of fancy about them," retorted Lady Thomson. "A +nervous, imaginative man like you, Ian, ought to be on your guard +against allowing such notions to get hold of you. It's so easy to fancy +things are as you're afraid they may be, and then you influence Milly +and she goes from bad to worse. I think I may claim to understand her if +any one does, and all I see is that she gives way to moods. At first I +thought it was a steady development of character; but I admit that when +she is unwell and out of spirits, she becomes just her old timid, +over-conscientious self again. She's always been very easily influenced, +very dependent, and now--I hardly like to say such a thing of my own +niece--but I fear there's a touch of hysteria about her. I've always +heard that hysterical people, even when they've been perfectly frank and +truthful before, become deceitful and act parts till it's impossible to +tell fact from falsehood with regard to them. I would suggest your +letting Mildred come to me for a month or two, Ian. I feel sure I should +send her back to you quite cured of all this nonsense." + +At this point Milly came in. Ian stretched out his hand towards her with +protective tenderness; but even at the moment when his whole soul was +moved by an impulse of compassion so strong that it seemed almost love, +a spirit within him arose and mocked at all hypotheses, telling him that +this poor stricken wife of his, seemingly one with the lady of his +heart, was not she, but another. + +"Aunt Beatrice was just saying you ought to get away from domestic cares +for a month or two, Milly," he said, as cheerfully as he could. + +Lady Thomson explained. + +"What you want is a complete change; though I don't know what people +mean when they talk about 'domestic cares.' I should like to have you up +at Clewes for the rest of the Long. Ian can look after the baby." + +Milly smiled at her sweetly, but rather as though she were talking +nonsense. + +"It's very kind of you, Aunt Beatrice, but Ian and I have never been +parted for a day since we were married; I mean not when--and I don't +feel as though I could spare a minute of his company. And poor Baby, +too! Oh no! But of course it's very good of you to think of it." + +"Then you must all come to Clewes," decided Aunt Beatrice, after some +remonstrance. "That'll settle it." + +"But my work!" ejaculated Ian in dismay. "How am I to get on at Clewes, +away from the libraries?" + +"There are some things in life more important than books, Ian," returned +Lady Thomson. + +"But it won't do a penn'orth of good," broke in Tims, argumentatively. +"I don't pretend to have more than a working hypothesis, but whoever +else may prove to be right, Lady Thomson's on the wrong line." + +Lady Thomson surveyed her in silence; Ian took no notice of her remark. +He was looking before him with a sadness incomprehensible to the +uncreative man--to the man who has never dreamed dreams and seen +visions; with the sadness of one who just as the cloudy emanations of +his mind are beginning to take form and substance sees them scattered, +perhaps never again to reunite, by some cold breath from the relentless +outside world of circumstance. He made his renunciation in silence; +then, with a quiet smile, he turned to Lady Thomson and answered her. + +"You're very kind, Aunt Beatrice, and quite right. There are things in +life much more important than books." + + + + +CHAPTER XXI + + +So the summer went by; a hot summer, passed brightly enough to all +appearance in the spacious rooms and gardens of Clewes and in +expeditions among the neighboring fells. But to Ian it seemed rather an +anxious pause in life. His work was at a stand-still, yet whatever the +optimistic Aunt Beatrice might affirm, he could not feel that the shadow +was lifting from his wife's mind. To others she appeared cheerful in the +quiet, serious way that had always been hers, but he saw that her whole +attitude towards life, especially in her wistful, yearning tenderness +towards himself and Tony, was that of a woman who feels the stamp of +death to be set upon her. At night, lying upon his breast, she would +sometimes cling to him in an agony of desperate love, adjuring him to +tell her the truth as to that Other: whether he did not see that she was +different from his own Milly, whether it were possible that he could +love that mysterious being as he loved her, his true, loving wife. Ian, +who had been wont to hold stern doctrines as to the paramount obligation +of truthfulness, perjured himself again and again, and hoped the +Recording Angel dropped the customary tear. But, however deep the +perjury, before long he was sure to find himself obliged to renew it. + +To a man of his sensitive and punctilious nature the situation was +almost intolerable. The pity of this tender, innocent life, his care, +which seemed like some little inland bird, torn by the tempest from its +native fields and tossed out to be the plaything of an immense and +terrible ocean whose deeps no man has sounded! The pity of that other +life, so winged for shining flight, so armed for triumphant battle, yet +held down helpless in those cold ocean depths, and for pity's sake not +to be helped by so much as a thought! Yet from the thorns of his hidden +life he plucked one flower of comfort which to him, the philosopher, the +man of Abstract Thought, was as refreshing as a pious reflection would +be to a man of Religion. He had once been somewhat shaken by the dicta +of the modern philosophers who relegate human love to the plane of an +illness or an appetite. But where was the physical difference between +the woman he so passionately loved and the one for whom he had never +felt more than affection and pity? If from the strange adventure of his +marriage he had lost some certainties concerning the human soul, he had +gained the certainty that Love at least appertains to it. + +One hot afternoon Milly was writing her Australian letter under a +spreading ilex-tree on the lawn. Lady Thomson and Ian were sitting there +also; he reading the latest French novel, she making notes for a speech +she had to deliver shortly at the opening of a Girls' High School. + +It is sometimes difficult to find the right news for people who have +been for some years out of England, and Milly, in the languor of her +melancholy, had relaxed the excellent habit formed under Aunt Beatrice +of always keeping her mind to the subject in hand. She sat at the table +with one hand propping her chin, gazing dreamily at the bright +flower-beds on the lawn and the big, square, homely house, brightened by +its striped awnings. At length Aunt Beatrice looked up from her notes. + +"Mooning, Milly!" she exclaimed, in her full, agreeable voice. "Now I +suppose you'll be telling your father you havn't time to write him a +long letter." + +"Milly's not mooning; she's making notes, like you," Ian replied, for +his wife. + +Milly looked around at him in surprise, and then at her right hand. It +held a stylograph and had been resting on some scattered sheets of +foolscap that Ian had left there in the morning. She had certainly been +scrawling on it a little, but she was not aware of having written +anything. Yet the scrawl, partly on one sheet and partly on another, was +writing, very bad and broken, but still with a resemblance to her own +handwriting. She pored over it; then looked Ian in the eyes, her own +eyes large with a bewilderment touched with fear. + +"I--I don't know what it means," she said, in a low, anxious tone. + +"What's that?" queried Aunt Beatrice. "Can't read what you've written? +You remind me of our old writing-master at school, who used to say +tragically that he couldn't understand how it was that when that +happened to a man he didn't just take a gun and shoot himself. I +recommend you the pond, Mildred. It's more feminine." + +"Please don't talk to Milly like that," retorted Ian, not quite lightly. +"She always follows your advice, you know. It--it's only scrabbles." + +He had left his chair and was leaning over the table, completely +puzzled, first by Milly's terrified expression, then by what she had +written, illegibly enough, across the two sheets of foolscap. He made +out: "You are only miserab ..."--the words were interspersed with really +illegible scrawls--"... Go ... go ... Let me ... I want to live, I want +to ... Mild ..." + +Milly now wrote in her usual clear hand: "Who wrote that?" + +He scribbled with his pencil: "You." + +She replied in writing: "No. I know nothing about it." + +Lady Thomson had taken up the newspaper, a thing she never did except at +odd minutes, although she contrived to read everything in it that was +really worth reading. Folding it up and looking at her watch, she +exclaimed: + +"A quarter of an hour before the carriage is round! Now don't go +dawdling there, young people, and keep it standing in the sun." + +Milly stood up and gathered her writing-materials together. Aunt +Beatrice's tall figure, its stalwart handsomeness disguised in uncouth +garments, passed with its usual vigorous gait across the burning +sunlight on the lawn and broad gravel walk, to disappear under the +awning of a French window. Milly, very pale, had closed her eyes and her +hands were clasped. She trembled, but her voice and expression were calm +and even resolute. + +"The evil spirit is trying to get possession of me in another way now," +she said. "But with God's help I shall be able to resist it." + +Ian too was pale and disturbed. It was to him as though he had suddenly +heard a beloved voice calling faintly for help. + +"It's only automatic writing, dear," he replied. "You may not have been +aware you were writing, but it probably reflects something in your +thoughts." + +"It does not," returned she, firmly. "However miserable I may sometimes +be, I could never wish to give up a moment of my life with you, my own +husband, or to leave you and our child to the influence of this--this +being." + +She stretched out her arms to him. + +"Please hold me, Ian, and will as I do, that I may resist this horrible +invasion. I have a feeling that you can help me." + +He hesitated. "I, darling? But I don't believe--" + +She approached him, and took hold of him urgently, looking him in the +eyes. + +"Won't you do it, husband dear? Please, for my sake, even if you don't +believe, promise you'll will to keep me here. Will it, with all your +might!" + +What madness it was, this fantastic scene upon the well-kept lawn, under +the square windows of the sober, opulent North Country house! And the +maddest part of it all was the horrible reluctance he felt to comply +with his wife's wish. He seemed to himself to pause noticeably before +answering her with a meaningless half-laugh: + +"Of course I'll promise anything you like, dear." + +He put his arms around her and rested his face upon her golden head. + +"Will!" she whispered, and the voice was one of command rather than of +appeal. "Will! You have promised." + +He willed as she commanded him. + +The triple madness of it! He did not believe--and yet it seemed to him +that the being he loved best in all the world was struggling up from +below, calling to him for help from her tomb; and he was helping her +enemy to hold down the sepulchral stone above her. He put his hand to +his brow, and the sweat stood upon it. + +Aunt Beatrice's masculine foot crunched the gravel. She stood there +dressed and ready for the drive, beckoning them with her parasol. They +came across the lawn holding each other by the hand, and Milly's face +was calm, even happy. Aunt Beatrice smiled at them broadly with her +large, handsome mouth and bright brown eyes. + +"What, not had enough of spooning yet, you foolish young people! The +carriage will be round in one minute, and Milly won't be ready." + + + + +CHAPTER XXII + + +There is a joy in the return of every season, though the return of +spring is felt and celebrated beyond the rest. The gay flame dancing on +the hearth where lately all was blackness, the sense of immunity from +the "wrongs and arrows" of the skies and their confederate earth, the +concentration of the sense upon the intimate charms which four walls can +contain, bring to civilized man consolation for the loss of summer's +lavish warmth and beauty. Children are always sensible of these opening +festivals of the seasons, but many mature people enjoy without realizing +them. + +To Mildred the world was again new, and she looked upon its most +familiar objects with the delighted eyes of a traveller returning to a +favorite foreign country. So she did not complain because when she had +left the earth it had been hurrying towards the height of June, and she +had returned to find the golden boughs of October already stripped by +devastating winds. The flames leaped merrily under the great carved +mantel-piece in her white-panelled drawing-room, showing the date 1661, +and the initials of the man who had put it there, and on its narrow +shelf a row of Chelsea figures which she had picked up in various +corners of Oxford. The chintz curtains were drawn around the bay-window +and a bright brass _scaldino_ stood in it, filled with the yellows and +red-browns, the silvery pinks and mauves of chrysanthemums. The ancient +charm, the delicate harmony of the room, in which every piece of +furniture, every picture, every ornament, had been chosen with an +exactness of taste seldom found in the young, made it more pleasurable +to a cultivated eye than the gilded show drawing-rooms into which wealth +too commonly crowds a medley of incongruous treasures and costly +nullities. + +It was a free evening for Ian, and as it was but the second since the +Desire of his Eyes had returned to him, his gaze followed her movements +in a contented silence, as she wandered about the room in her slight +grace, the whiteness of her skin showing through the transparency of a +black dress, which, although it was old, Milly would have thought +unsuitable for a domestic evening. When everything was just where it +should be, she returned to the fire and sank into a chair thoughtfully. + +"How I should like some rides," she said; "but I suppose I can't have +them, not unless Maxwell Davison's still in Oxford." + +Ian's face clouded. + +"He's not," he returned, shortly; and knocked the ashes out of his pipe, +hesitating as to how he should put what he had to say about Maxwell +Davison. + +Mildred put her hand over her eyes and leaned back in her chair. +Suddenly the silence was broken by a burst of rippling laughter. Ian +started; his own thoughts had not been so diverting. + +"What's the joke, Mildred?" + +"Oh, Ian, don't you know? Max made love to Milly and she--she bit him! +Wasn't it frightfully funny?" She laughed again, with a more inward +enjoyment. + +"I didn't know you bit him, although he richly deserved it; but of +course I knew he made love to you. How do you know?" + +"It came to me just now in a sort of flash. I seemed to see him--to see +her, floundering out of the canoe; and both of them in such a towering +rage. It really was too funny." + +Ian's face hardened. + +"I am afraid I can't see the joke of a man making love to my wife." + +"You old stupid! He'd never have dared to behave like that to me; but +Milly's such an ass." + +"Milly was frightened, shocked, as any decent woman would be to whom +such a thing happened. She certainly didn't encourage Maxwell; but she +found an appointment already made for her to go on the river with him. +No doubt she took an exaggerated view of her--of your--good God, +Mildred, what am I to say?--well, of your relations with him." + +Mildred had closed her eyes. A strange knowledge of things that had +passed during her suppression was coming to her in glimpses. + +"I know," she returned, in a kind of wonder at her own knowledge. +"Absurd! But Max did behave abominably. I couldn't have believed it of +him, even with that silly little baa-lamb. Of course she couldn't manage +him. She won't be able to manage Tony long." + +"Please don't speak of--of your other self in that way, Mildred. You're +very innocent of the world in both your selves, and you must have been +indiscreet or it would never have occurred to Maxwell to make love to +you." + +Ian was actually frowning, his lips were tight and hard, the clear +pallor of his cheek faintly streaked with red. Mildred, leaning forward, +looked at him, interested, her round chin on her hands. + +"Are you angry, Ian? I really believe you are. Is it with me?" + +"No, not with you. But of course I'm angry when I think of a fellow like +that, my own cousin, a man who has been a guest in my house over and +over again, being cad enough to make love to my wife." + +Mildred was smiling quietly to herself. + +"How primitive you are, Ian!" she said. "I suppose men are primitive +when they're angry. I don't mind, but it does seem funny _you_ should +be." + +He looked at her, surprised. + +"Primitive? What do you mean?" + +"What difference does it make, Max being your cousin, you silly old boy? +You'd hardly ever seen him till last winter. Clans aren't any use to us +now, are they? And when a man's got a house of his own, as Max had, or +even a hotel, why should he be so grateful as all that for a few decent +meals? He's not in the desert, depending on you for food and protection. +Anyhow, it seems curious to expect him to weigh little things like that +in the balance against what is always said to be such a very strong +feeling as a man's love for a woman." + +Men often deplore that they have failed in their attempts fundamentally +to civilize Woman. They would use stronger language if Woman often made +attempts fundamentally to civilize them. + +"Please don't look at me like that," Mildred said, tremulously, after a +pause. And the tears rushed to her eyes. + +Ian's face softened, as leaning against the tall white mantel-piece he +looked down and met the tear-bright gaze of his beloved. + +"Poor sweetheart!" he exclaimed. "You're just a child for all your +cleverness, and you don't half understand what you're talking about. But +listen to me--" He kneeled before her, bringing their heads almost on a +level. "I won't have any more affairs like this of Maxwell's. I dare say +it was as much my fault as yours, but it mustn't happen again." + +She dabbed away two tears that hung on her eyelashes, and looked at him +with such a bright alluring yet elusive smile as might have flitted +across the face of Ariel. + +"How can I help it if Milly flirts? I don't believe I can help it if I +do myself. But I can tell you this, Ian--yes, really--" Her soft white +arms went about his neck. "I've never seen a man yet who was a patch +upon you for cleverness and handsomeness and goodness and +altogetherness. No! You really are the very nicest man I ever saw!" + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII + + +In spite of the deepening dislike between the two egos which struggled +for the possession of Mildred Stewart's bodily personality, they had a +common interest in disguising the fact of their dual existence. Yet the +transformation never occurred without producing its little harvest of +inconveniences, and the difficulty of disguising the difference between +the two was the greater because of the number of old acquaintances and +friends of Milly Flaxman living in Oxford. + +This was one reason why, when Ian was offered the headship of the +Merchants' Guild College in London, Mildred encouraged him to take it. +The income, too, seemed large in comparison to their Oxford one; and the +great capital, with its ever-roaring surge of life, drew her with a +natural magnetism. The old Foundation was being reconstructed, and was +ambitious of adorning itself with a name so distinguished as Ian +Stewart's, while at the same time obtaining the services of a man with +so many of his best years still before him. Stewart, although he could +do fairly well in practical administration, if he gave his mind to it, +had won distinction as a student and man of letters, and feared that, +difficult as it was to combine the real work of his life with +bread-and-butter-making in Oxford, it would be still more difficult to +combine it with steering the ship of the Merchants' Guild College. But +he had the sensitive man's defect of too often deferring to the judgment +of others, less informed or less judicious than himself. He found it +impossible to believe that the opinion of the Master of Durham was not +better than his own; and his old friend and tutor was strongly in favor +of his accepting the headship. His most really happy and successful +years had been those later ones in which he had shone as the Head of the +most brilliant College in Oxford, a man of affairs and, in his +individual way, a social centre. Accordingly he found it impossible to +believe that it might be otherwise with Ian Stewart. The majority of +Ian's most trusted advisers were of the same opinion as the Master, +since the number of persons who can understand the conditions necessary +to the productiveness of exceptional and creative minds is always few. +Besides, most people at bottom are in Martha's attitude of scepticism +towards the immaterial service of the world. + +Lady Thomson voiced the general opinion in declaring that a man could +always find time to do good work if he really wanted to do it. She +rejoiced when Ian put aside the serious doubts which beset him and +accepted the London offer. Mildred also rejoiced, although she regretted +much that she must leave behind her, and in particular the old panelled +house. + +This was, however, the one part of Oxford that Milly did not grieve to +have lost, when she awoke once more from long months of sleep, to find +herself in a new home. For she had grown to be silently afraid of the +old house, with the great chimney-stacks like hollowed towers within it, +made, it seemed, for the wind to moan in; its deep embrasures and +panelling, that harbored inexplicable sounds; its ancient boards that +creaked all night as if with the tread of mysterious feet. Awake in the +dark hours, she fancied there were really footsteps, really knockings, +movements, faint sighs passing outside her door, and that some old +wicked life which should long since have passed away through the portals +of the grave, clung to those ancient walls with a horrible tenacity, +still refusing the great renunciation of death. + +It was true that in the larger, more hurried world of London it was +easier to dissimulate her transformations than it had been in Oxford. +The comparative retirement in which Milly lived was easily explained by +her delicate health. It seemed as though in her sojourns--which more and +more encroached upon those of the original personality--the strong, +intrusive ego consumed in an unfair degree the vitality of their common +body, leaving Milly with a certain nervous exhaustion, a languor against +which she struggled with a pathetic courage. She learned also to cover +with a seldom broken silence the deep wound which was ever draining her +young heart of its happiness; and for that very reason it grew deeper +and more envenomed. + +That Ian should love her evil and mysterious rival as though they two +were really one was horrible to her. Even her child was not unreservedly +her own, to bring up according to her own ideas, to love without fear of +that rival. Tony was like his father in the sweetness of his +disposition, as well as in his dark beauty, and he accented with +surprising resignation the innumerable rules and regulations which Milly +set about his path and about his bed. But although he was healthy, his +nerves were highly strung, and it seemed as though her feverish anxiety +for his physical, moral, and intellectual welfare reacted upon him and +made him, after a few weeks of her influence, less vigorous in +appearance, less gay and boylike than he was during her absence. Ian +dared not hint a preference for the animal spirits that Mildred +encouraged, with their attendant noise and nonsense, considered by Milly +so undesirable. But one day Tims observed, cryptically, that "A watched +boy never boils"; and Emma, the nurse, told Mrs. Stewart bluntly that +she thought Master Tony wasn't near so well and bright when he was +always being looked after, as he was when he was let go his own way a +bit, like other children. Then a miserable fear beset Milly lest the +boy, too, should notice the change in his mother; lest he should look +forward to the disappearance of the woman who loved him so passionately, +watched over him with such complete devotion, and in his silent heart +regret, invoke, that other. It was at once soothing and bitter to her to +be assured by Ian and by Tims that they had never been able to discover +the least sign that Tony was aware when the change occurred between the +two personalities of his mother. + +Two years passed in London, two years out of which the original owner +enjoyed a total share of only nine months; and this, indeed, she could +not truly have been said to have enjoyed, since happiness was far from +her. Death would have been a sad but simple catastrophe, to be met with +resignation to the will of God. What resignation could be felt before +this gradual strangulation of her being at the hands of a nameless yet +surely Evil Thing? Her love for Ian was so great that his sufferings +were more to her than her own, and in the space of those two years she +saw that on him, too, sorrow had set its mark. The glow of his good +looks and the brilliancy of his mind were alike dulled. It was not only +that his shoulders were bent, his hair thinned and touched with gray, +but his whole appearance, once so individual, was growing merely +typical; that of the middle-aged Academic, absorbed in the cares of his +profession. His real work was not merely at a stand-still, but a few +more such years and his capacity for it would be destroyed. She felt +this vaguely, with the intuition of love. If the partnership had been +only between him and her, he surely would have yielded to her prayer to +give up the headship of the Merchants' Guild College after a set term; +but he put the question by. Evidently that Other, who cared for nothing +but her own selfish interests and amusements, who spent upon them the +money that he ought to be saving, would never allow him to give up his +appointment unless something better offered. It was not only her own +life, it was the higher and happier part of his that she was struggling +to save in those desperate hours when she sought around her for some +weapon wherewith to fight that mortal foe. She turned to priests, +Anglican, Roman Catholic; but they failed her. Both believed her to be +suffering under an insane delusion, but the Roman Catholic priest would +have attempted to exorcise the evil spirit if she would have joined his +Communion. She was too honest to pretend to a belief that was not hers. + +When she returned from her last vain pilgrimage to the Church of the +Sacred Heart and stood before the glass, removing a thick black veil +from the pale despair of her face, she was suddenly aware of a strange, +unfamiliar smile lifting the drooped lines of her lips--an elfish smile +which transformed her face to something different from her own. And +immediately those smiling lips uttered words that fell as unexpectedly +on her ears as though they had proceeded from the mouth of another +person. + +"Never mind," they said, briskly. "It wouldn't have been of the least +use." + +For a minute a wild terror made her brain swim and she fled to the door, +instinctively seeking protection; but she stayed herself, remembering +that Ian, who was sleeping badly at night, was now asleep in his study. +Weak and timid though she was, she would lay no fresh burden on him, but +fight her battle, if battle there was to be, alone. + +She walked back deliberately to the glass and looked steadily at her +own reflection. Her brows were frowning, her eyes stern as she had never +before seen them, but they were assuredly hers, answering to the mood of +her own mind. Her lips were cold, and trembled so that although she had +meant solemnly to defy the Power of Evil within her she was unable to +articulate. As she looked in the glass and saw herself--her real +self--so evidently there, the strange smile, the speech divorced from +all volition of hers which had crossed her lips, began to lose reality. +Still her lips trembled, and at length a convulsion shook them as +irresistible as that of a sob. Words broke stammeringly out which were +not hers: + +"Struggle for life--the stronger wins. I'm stronger. It's no use +struggling--no use--no use--no use!" + +Milly pressed her lips hard against her teeth with her hands, stopping +this utterance by main force. Her heart hammered so loud it seemed as +though some one must hear it and come to ask what was the matter. But no +one came. She was left alone with the Thing within her. + +It may have been a long while, it may have been only a few seconds that +she remained standing at her dressing-table, her hands pressed hard +against her convulsed mouth. She had closed her eyes, afraid to look +longer in the glass, lest something uncanny should peer out of it. She +did not pray--she had prayed so often before--but she fought with her +whole strength against the encroaching power of the Other. At length she +gradually released her lips. They were bruised, but they had ceased to +move. It was she herself who spoke, low but clearly and with +deliberation: + +"I shall struggle. I shall never give in. You think you're the stronger. +I won't let you be. I'm fighting for my husband's happiness--do you +hear?--as well as my own. You're strong, but we shall be stronger, he +and I, in the end." + +There was no answer, the sense of struggle was gone from her; and +suddenly she felt how mad it was to be talking to herself like that in +an empty room. She took off the little black toque which sat on her +bright head with an alien smartness to which she was now accustomed, and +forced herself to look in the glass while she pinned up a stray lock of +hair. Beyond an increased pallor and darker marks under her eyes, she +saw nothing unusual in her appearance. + +It was five o'clock, and Ian would probably be awake and wanting his +tea. She went softly into the study and leaned over him. Sleep had +almost smoothed away the lines of effort and worry which had marred the +beauty of his face; in the eyes of her love he was always the same +handsome Ian Stewart as in the old Oxford days, when he had seemed as a +young god, so high above her reach. + +She went to an oak table behind the sofa, on which the maid had set the +tea-things without awakening him, and sat there quietly watching the +kettle. The early London twilight began to veil the room. Ian stirred on +the sofa and sat up, with his back to her, unconscious of her presence. +She rose, vaguely supposing herself about to address some gentle word +to him. Then suddenly she had thrown one soft hand under his chin and +one across his eyes, and with a _brusquerie_ quite unnatural to her +pulled him backwards, while a ripple of laughter so strange as to be +shocking in her own ears burst from her lips, which cried aloud with a +defiant gayety: + +"Who, Ian? Guess!" + +Ian, with a sudden force as strange to her as her own laughter, her own +gay cry, pulled her hands away, held them an instant fast; then, +kneeling on the sofa, he caught her in his long arms across the back of +it, and after the pressure of a kiss upon her lips such as she had never +felt before, breathed with a voice of unutterable gladness: "Mildred! +Darling! Dearest love!" + +A hoarse cry, almost a shriek, broke from the lips of Milly. The woman +he held struggled from his arms and stared at him wildly in the veiling +twilight. A strange horror fell upon him, and for several seconds he +remained motionless, leaning over the back of the sofa. Then, groping +towards the wall, he switched on the electric light. He saw it plainly, +the white mask of a woman smitten with a mortal blow. + +"Milly," he uttered, stammeringly. "What's the matter? You are ill." + +She turned on him her heart-broken look, then pressing her hand to her +throat, spoke as though with difficulty. + +"I love you very much--you don't know how much I love you. I've tried +so hard to be a good wife to you." + +Ian perceived catastrophe, yet dimly; sought with desperate haste to +remember why for a moment he had believed that that Other was come back; +what irreparable thing he had said or done. + +Meantime he must say something. "Milly, dear! What's gone wrong? What +have I done, child?" + +"You've let her take you--" She spoke more freely now, but with a +startling fierceness--"You've let her take you from me." + +"Ah, the old trouble! My poor Milly! I know it's terrible for you. I can +only say that no one else really exists; that you are always you +really." + +"That's not true. You don't believe it yourself. That wicked creature +has made you love her--her own wicked way. You want to have her instead +of me; you want to destroy your own wife and to get her back again." + +The cruel, ultimate truth that Milly's words laid bare--the truth which +he constantly refused to look upon, in mercy to himself and +her--paralyzed the husband's tongue. He tried to approach her with vague +words and gestures of affection and remonstrance, but she motioned him +from her. + +"No. Don't say you love me; I can't believe it, and I hate to hear you +say what's not true." + +For a moment the fierce heart of Primitive Woman had blazed up within +her--that fire which all the waters of baptism fail to quench. But the +flame died down as suddenly as it had arisen, and appealing with +outspread hands, as to some invisible judge, she wailed, miserably: + +"Oh, what am I to do--what am I to do? I love you so much, and it's all +no use." + +Ian was as white as herself. + +"Milly, my poor girl, don't break our hearts." + +He stretched his arms towards her, but she turned away from him towards +the door, made a few steps, then stopped and clutched her throat. He +thought her struggling with sobs; but when once more, as though in fear, +she turned her face towards him, he saw it strangely convulsed. He moved +towards her in an alarmed silence, but before he could reach her and +catch her in his arms, her head drooped, she swayed once upon her feet, +and fell heavily to the ground. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV + + +"Now be reasonable Tims. You can be if you choose." + +Mildred was perched on a high stool in Tims's Chambers, breathing spring +from a bunch of fresh Neapolitan violets, grown by an elderly admirer of +hers, and wearing her black, winter toque and dress with that invincible +air of smartness which she contrived to impart to the oldest clothes, +provided they were of her own choosing. Tims, who from her face and +attitude might have been taken for a victim of some extreme and secret +torture, crouched, balancing herself on the top rail of her fender. She +replied only by a horrible groan. + +"Who do you suppose is the happier when Milly comes back?" continued +Mildred. + +"Well--the brat." + +"Tony? He doesn't even know when she's there; but by the time she's done +with him he's unnaturally good. He can't like that, can he?" + +"Then there's Ian, good old boy!" + +"That's humbug. You know it is." + +"But it's Milly herself I really care about," cried Tims. "You've been a +pig to her, Mil. She says you're a devil, and if I weren't a scientific +woman I swear I should begin to believe there was something in it." + +"No, Tims, dear," returned Mildred with earnestness. "I'm neither a pig +nor a devil." She paused. "Sometimes I think I've lived before, some +quite different life from this. But I suppose you'll say that's all +nonsense." + +"Of course it is--rot," commented Tims, sternly. "You're a physiological +freak, that's what you are. You're nothing but Milly all the time, and +you ought to be decent to her." + +"I don't want to hurt her anyhow," apologized Mildred; "but you see when +I'm only half there--well, I am only half there. I'm awfully rudimentary +and I can't grasp anything except that I'm being choked, squeezed out of +existence, and that I must make a fight for my life. Any woman becomes +rudimentary who is fighting for her life against another woman; only +I've more excuse for it, because as a scientist you must see that I can +only be in very partial possession of my brain." + +Tims had pulled her wig down over her eyes and glared at space. "That's +all very well for you," she said; "but why should I help you to kill +poor old M.?" + +"Do try and understand! Every time she comes back she's more and more +miserable; and that's not cheerful for Ian either, is it? Now, through +that underhand trick of rudimentary Me--you see I don't try to hide my +horrid ways--she knows Ian adores me and, comparatively speaking, +doesn't care two straws about her. That will make her more miserable +than she has ever been before. She'll only want to live so that I +mayn't." + +"I don't see how Ian's going to get on without her. _You_ don't do much +for him, my girl, except spend his money." + +"Of course, that's quite true. I'm not in the least suited to Ian or his +life or his income; but that's not my fault. How perverse men are! +Always in love with the wrong women, aren't they?" + +Tims's countenance relaxed and she replied with a slight air of +importance: + +"My opinion of men has been screwed up a peg lately. Every now and then +you do find one who's got too much sense for any rot of that kind." + +Mildred continued. + +"Ian's perfectly wretched at what happened; can't understand it, of +course. He doesn't say much, but I can see he dreads explanations with +Milly. He's good at reserve, but no good at lies, poor old dear, and +just think of all the straight questions she'll ask him! It'll be +torture to both of them. Poor Milly! I've no patience with her. Why +should she want to live? Life's no pleasure to her. She's known a long +time that Tony's really jollier and better with me, and now she knows +Ian doesn't want her. How can you pretend to think Milly happy, Tims? +Hasn't she said things to you?" + +"Yes," groaned Tims. "Poor old M.! She's pretty well down on her luck, +you bet." + +"And I enjoy every minute of my life, although I could find plenty to +grumble at if I liked. Listen to me, Tims. How would it be to strike a +bargain? Let me go on without any upsets from Milly until I'm forty. I'm +sure I sha'n't care what happens to me at forty. Then Milly may have +everything her own way. What would it matter to her? She likes to take +time by the forelock and behaves already as though she were forty. I +feel sure you could help me to keep her quiet if only you chose." + +"If I chose to meddle at all, I should be much more likely to help her +to come back," returned Tims, getting snappish. + +"Alas! I fear you would, Tims, dear, in spite of knowing it would only +make her miserable. That shows, doesn't it, how unreasonable even a +distinguished scientific woman can be?" + +This aspersion on Tims's reasoning powers had to be resented and the +resentment to be soothed. And the soothing was so effectually done that +Tims owned to herself afterwards there was some excuse for Ian's +infatuation. + +But Tims had no desire to meddle, and the months passed by without any +symptoms of the change appearing. It seemed as if Mildred's hold upon +life had never been so firm, the power of her personality never so fully +developed. She belonged to a large family which in all its branches had +a trick of throwing up successful men and brilliant women. But in +reaction against Scottish clannishness, it held little together, and in +the two houses whence Mildred was launched on her London career, she +had no nursery reputation of Milly's with which to contend. + +One of these houses was that of her cousin, Sir Cyril Meres, a +fashionable painter with a considerable gift for art, and more for +success--success social and financial. His beautiful house, stored with +wonderful collections, had a reputation, and was frequented by every one +of distinction in the artistic or intellectual world--by those of the +world of wealth and rank who were interested in such matters, and the +yet larger number who affected to be interested in them. For those +Anglo-Saxon deities, Mammon and Snobbery, who have since conquered the +whole civilized globe, had temporarily fallen back for a fresh spring, +and in the eighties and early nineties Culture was reckoned very nearly +as _chic_ as motoring in the first years of the new century. + +Several painters of various degrees of talent attempted to fix on canvas +the extraordinary charm of Mrs. Stewart's appearance. Not one of them +succeeded; but the peculiar shade of her hair, the low forehead and +delicate line of the dark eyebrows, the outline of the mask, sometimes +admired, sometimes criticised, made her portrait always recognized, +whether simpering as a chocolate-box classicality, smiling sadly from +the flowery circle of the Purgatorio, or breaking out of some rough mass +of paint with the provocative leer of a _cocotte_ of the Quartier Latin. + +The magnetism of her personality defied analysis, as her essential +beauty defied the painter's art. It was a magnetism which surrounded her +with an atmosphere of adorations, admirations, enmities--all equally +violent and irrational. Her wit had little to do with the making of her +enemies, because it was never used in offence against friends or even +harmless acquaintances; only against her foes she employed it with the +efficiency and mercilessness of a red Indian wielding the tomahawk. + +The other family where she found her niche awaiting her was of a +different order. It was that of the retired Indian judge, Sir John +Ireton, whose wife had chaperoned her through a Commemoration the summer +she had taken her First in Greats. Ireton was not only in Parliament, +but his house was a meeting-place where politicians cemented personal +ties and plotted party moves. Milly in her brief appearances, had been +of use to Lady Ireton, but Mildred proved socially invaluable. There +were serious persons who suspected Mrs. Stewart of approaching politics +in a flippant spirit; but on certain days she had revealed a grave and +ardent belief in the dogmas of the party and a piety of attitude towards +the person of its great apostle, which had convinced them that she was +not really cynical or frivolous. + +Lady Augusta Goring was the most important conquest of the kind Milly +had made. She was the only child of the Marquis of Ipswich, and one of +those rather stupid people whose energy of mind and character is often +mistaken by themselves and others for cleverness. Lady Augusta was +handsome in a dull, massive way, and so conscientious that she had +seldom time to smile. Her friends said she would smile oftener if her +husband caused her less anxiety; but considering who George Goring was +and how he had been brought up, he might have been much worse. Where +women were concerned, scandal had never accused him of anything more +flagrant than dubious flirtations. It was his political intrigues, +constantly threatening unholy _liaisons_ in the most unthinkable +directions; his sudden fits of obstinate idleness, often occurring at +the very moment when some clever and promising political scheme of his +own was ripe for execution, which so unendurably harassed the staid +Marquis and the earnest Lady Augusta. They were highly irritating, too, +to Sir John Ireton, who had believed himself at one time able to tame +and tutor the tricksy young politician. + +The late Lord Ipswich had been a "sport" in the Barthop family; a black +sheep, but clever, and a well known collector. Accidental circumstances +had greatly enriched him, and as he detested his brother and successor, +he had left his pictures to the nation and all of his fortune which he +could dispose of--which happened to be the bulk--to his natural son, +George Goring. But his will had not been found for some weeks after his +death, and while the present Marquis had believed himself the inheritor +of the whole property, he had treated the nameless and penniless child +of his brother with perfect delicacy and generosity. When George Goring +found himself made rich at the expense of his uncle, he proposed to his +cousin Lady Augusta and was accepted. + +Mildred was partly amused and partly bored to discover herself on so +friendly a footing with Lady Augusta. Putting herself into that passive +frame of mind in which revelations of Milly's past actions were most +often vouchsafed to her, she saw herself type-writing in a small, +high-ceilinged room looking out on a foggy London park, and Lady Augusta +seated at a neighboring table, surrounded by papers. Type-writing was +not then so common as it is now, and Milly had learned the art in order +to give assistance to Ian. Mildred was annoyed to find herself in danger +of having to waste her time in a mechanical occupation which she +detested, or else of offending a woman whom her uncle valued as a friend +and political ally. + +It was a slight compensation to receive an invitation to accompany the +Iretons to a great ball at Ipswich House. There was no question of Ian +accompanying her. He was usually too tired to care for going out in the +evening and went only to official dinners and to the houses of old +friends, or of people with whom he had educational connections. It did +not occur to him that it might be wise to put a strain upon himself +sometimes, to lay by his spectacles, straighten his back, have his beard +trimmed and appear at Mildred's side in the drawing-rooms where she +shone, looking what he was--a husband of whom she had reason to be +proud. More and more engrossed by his own work and responsibilities, he +let her drift into a life quite apart from his, content to see her world +from his own fireside, in the sparkling mirror of her talk. + +Ipswich House was a great house, if of little architectural merit, and +the ball had all the traditional spectacular splendor common to such +festivities. The pillared hall and double staircase, the suites of +spacious rooms, were filled with a glittering kaleidoscopic crowd of +fair and magnificently bejewelled women and presumably brave, certainly +well-groomed and handsome men. The excellence of the music, the masses +of flowers, the number of great names and well-advertised society +beauties present, would subsequently provide material for long and +eulogistic paragraphs in the half-penny press and the Ladies' Weeklies. + +Mildred enjoyed it as a spectacle rather than as a ball, for she knew +few people there, and the young political men whom she had met at her +uncle's parties were too much engaged with ladies of more importance, to +whom they were related or to whom they owed social attention, to write +their names more than once on her programme. One of these, however, +asked her if she had noticed how harassed both Lord Ipswich and Lady +Augusta looked. Goring's speech, he said, at the Fothering by-election +was reported and commented upon in all the papers, and had given +tremendous offence to the leaders of his party; while the fact that he +had not turned up in time for the ball must be an additional cross to +his wife, who made such a firm stand against the social separation of +married couples. + +When Mildred returned to her uncle she found him the centre of a group +of eminent politicians, all denouncing in more or less subdued tones the +outrageous utterances and conduct of Goring, and most declaring that +only consideration for Lord Ipswich and Lady Augusta prevented them from +publicly excommunicating the hardened offender. Others, however, while +admitting the outrage, urged that he was too brilliant a young man to be +lightly thrown away, and advised patience, combined with the +disciplinary rod. Sir John was of the excommunicatory party. Later in +the evening he disappeared into some remote smoking or card-room, not so +much forgetting his niece as taking it for granted that she was, as +usual, surrounded by friends and admirers of both sexes. But a detached +personality, however brilliant, is apt to be submerged in such a crowd +of social eminences, bound together by ties of blood, of interests, and +of habit, as filled the salons of Ipswich House. Mildred walked around +the show contentedly enough for a time, receiving a smile here and a +pleasant word there from such of her acquaintances as she chanced upon, +but practically alone. And being alone, she found herself yielding to a +vulgar envy of richer women's clothes and jewels. Her dress, with which +she had been pleased, looked ordinary beside the creations of great +Parisian _ateliers_, and the few old paste ornaments which were the only +jewels she possessed, charming as they were, seemed dim and scant among +the crowns and constellations of diamonds that surrounded her. Her pride +rebelled against this envy, but could not conquer it. + +More gnawing pangs, however, assailed her presently, the pangs of +hunger; and no one offered to take her in to supper. The idea of taking +herself in was revolting; she preferred starvation. But where could +Uncle John have hidden himself? She sought the elderly truant with all +the suppressed annoyance of a chaperon seeking an inconsiderate flirt of +a girl. And it happened that a spirit in her feet led her to the door of +a small room in which Milly and Lady Augusta had been wont to transact +their business. A curious feeling of familiarity, of physical habit, +caused her to open the big mahogany door. There was no air of public +festivity about the room, which was furnished with a substantial, almost +shabby masculine comfort. But oh, tantalizing spectacle! Under the +illumination of a tall, crimson-shaded, standard lamp, stood a little, +white-covered table, reminding her irresistibly of a little table in a +fairy story, which the due incantation causes to rise out of the ground. +A small silver-gilt tureen of soup smoked upon it and a little pile of +delicate rolls lay beside the plate set for one. But alas! she might +not, like the favored girl in the fairy story, proceed without ceremony +to satisfy her hunger at the mysterious little table. + +A door immediately opposite that of the small sitting-room opened +noiselessly, and a young man entered with a light, quick step. He saw +Mildred, but for a second or so she did not see him. He was at her side +when she looked around and their eyes met. They had never seen each +other before, but at that meeting of the eyes a curious feeling, such as +two Europeans might experience, meeting in the heart of some dark +continent, affected them both. + +There was something picturesque about the young man's appearance, in +spite of the impeccable cut and finish of his dress-suit and the waxed +ends of his small blond mustache. His hair was of a ruddy nut-brown +color, and had a wave in it; his bright hazel eyes seemed exactly to +match it. His face had a fine warm pallor, and his under lip, which with +his chin was somewhat thrust forward, was redder than the lip of a +child. It was perhaps this noticeable coloring and something in his port +which made him, in spite of the correct modernity of his dress, suggest +some seventeenth-century portrait. + +"Forgive my passing you," he said, at length; "but I'm starving." + +"So am I," she returned, hardly aware of what she was saying. Some +strange, almost hypnotic attraction seemed to rivet her whole attention +on the mere phenomenon of this man. + +"By Jove! Aren't they feeding the multitude down there?" he asked, +nodding in the direction of the supper-room. + +"Of course," she answered, with the simple gravity of a child, her blue +eyes still fixed upon him. "But I can't ask for supper for myself, can +I?" + +Her need was distinctly material; yet the young man confronting her +white grace, the strange look in her blue eyes, had a dreamlike feeling, +almost as though he had met a dryad or an Undine between two of the +prosaic, substantial doors of Ipswich House. And as in a dream the most +extraordinary things seem familiar and expected, so the apparition of +the Undine and her confidence in him seemed familiar, in fact just what +he had been expecting during those hours of fog off the Goodwins, when +the sirens, wild voices gathering up from all the seas of the world, had +been screaming to each other across the hidden waters. That same inner +concentration upon the mere phenomenon of a presence, an existence, +which had given the childlike note to Mildred's speech, froze a +compliment upon his lips; and they stood silent, eying each other +gravely. A junior footman appeared, carrying a bottle of champagne in a +bucket, and the young man addressed him in a vague, distracted tone, +very unlike his usual manner. + +"Look here, Arthur, here's a lady who can't get any supper." + +The footman went quite pink at this personal reproach. He happened to +have heard some one surmise, on seeing Mildred roaming about alone, that +she was a newspaper woman. + +"Please sir," he replied, "I don't know how it's happened, for her +Ladyship told Mr. Mackintosh to be sure and see as the newspaper ladies +and gentlemen were well looked after, and he thought as they'd all had +supper." + +It seemed incredible that Mildred should not have heard this reply, +uttered so close to her; but though it fell upon her ears it did not +penetrate to her mind. + +"Bring up supper for two, Arthur," said Goring, in his usual decisive +tone. "That'll do, won't it?" he added, and turned to Mildred, ushering +her into the room. "You'll have supper with me, I hope? My name's +Goring; I'm Lord Ipswich's son-in-law and I live in his house; so you +see it's all right." + +The corollary was not evident; but the mention of the name brought +Mildred back to the ordinary world. So this was George Goring, the +plague of his political party, the fly in the ointment of a respectable +Marquis and his distinguished daughter. She had not fancied him like +this. For one thing, she did not know him to be younger than his wife, +and between the careworn solidity of Lady Augusta and this vivid +restless personality, the five actual years of difference seemed +stretched to ten. + +"I'm convinced it's all right, Mr. Goring," she replied, throwing +herself into a chair and smiling at him sparklingly. "It must be all +right. I want my supper so much I should have to accept your invitation +even if you were a burglar." + +Goring, whose habit it was to keep moving, laughed as he walked about, +one hand in his trousers pocket. + +"Why shouldn't I be a burglar? A burglar, with an assistant disguised as +a footman, sacking the bedrooms of Lord Ipswich's house while the ball +proceeds? There's copy for you! Shall I do it? 'Mr. George Goring's +Celebrated Black Pearls Stolen,' would make a capital head-line. Perhaps +you've heard I'd do anything to keep my name in the newspapers." + +"It certainly gets there pretty often," returned Mildred, politely; "and +whenever it's mentioned it has an enlivening effect." + +The footman had reappeared and they were unfolding their dinner-napkins, +sitting opposite each other at the little table. + +"As how, enlivening?" + +"Like a bit of bread dropped into a glass of flat champagne." + +"You think my party's like champagne? Why, it couldn't exist for a +moment if it sparkled." + +"I was talking of newspapers, not of your party; though there's no doubt +you do enliven that." + +"Do I? Like what? No odiously inoffensive comparisons, if you please." + +"Well, I have heard people say like--like a blister on the back of the +neck." + +Goring laughed. "Thanks. That's better." + +"The patient's using language, but he won't really tear it off, because +he knows that would hurt him more, and the blister will do him good in +the end, if he bears with it." + +"But there's the blister's side to it, too. It's infernally tiring for a +blister to be sticking on to such a fellow everlastingly. It'll fly off +of itself before long, if he doesn't look out. Hullo! What am I saying? +I suppose you'll have all this out in some confounded paper--'The Rebel +Member Returns. A Chat with Mr. Goring'--Don't do that; but I'll give +you some other copy if you like." + +"You're very kind in giving me all this copy. What shall I do with it? +Shall I keep it as a memento?" + +"No, no. You can sell it; honor bright you can." + +"Can I? Shall I get much for it? Enough money to buy me a tiara, do you +think?" + +"Do you really want to wear the usual fender? Now, why? I suppose +because you aren't sufficiently aware how--" he paused on the edge of a +compliment which seemed suddenly too full-flavored and ordinary to be +addressed to this strangely lovely being, with her smile at once so +sparkling and so mysterious. He substituted: "How much more +distinguished it is to look like an Undine than like a peeress." + +Mildred seemed slightly taken aback. + +"Why do you say 'Undine?'" she asked, almost sharply. "Do I--do I look +as if I came out of a Trafalgar Square fountain with fell designs on +Lord Ipswich?" + +"Of course not. But--I can't exactly define even to myself what I mean, +only you do suggest an Undine to me. To some one else you might be +simply Miss--Forgive me, I don't know your name." + +He had not even troubled to glance at her left hand, and when the "Mrs." +was uttered it affected him oddly. It was one of the peculiar +differences between her two personalities that, casually encountered, +Mildred was as seldom taken for a married woman as Milly for an +unmarried one. + +"Do I look as if I'd got no soul?" she persisted, leaning a little +towards him, an intensity that might almost have been called anxiety in +her gaze. + +He could even have fancied she had grown paler. He, too, became serious. +His eyes brightened, meeting hers, and a slight color came into his +cheeks. + +"Quite the contrary," he answered. "I should say you had a great +deal--in fact, I shall begin to believe in detachable souls again. Fancy +most people as just souls, without trimmings. It makes one laugh. But +your body looks like an emanation from the spirit; as though it might +flow away in a white waterfall or go up in a white fire; and as though, +if it did, your soul could certainly precipitate another body, which +must certainly be like this one, because it would be as this is, the +material expression of a spirit." + +She listened as he spoke, seriously, her eyes on his. But when he had +done, she dropped her chin on her hand and laughed delightedly. + +"You think I should be able to grow a fresh body, like a lobster growing +a fresh claw? What fun!" + +There was a sound without, not of the footman struggling with dishes and +plates and the door-handle, but of middle-aged voices. + +Instinctively Goring and Mildred straightened themselves and looked +polite. Lord Ipswich and Sir John Ireton, deep in political converse, +came slowly in and then stopped short in surprise. Mildred lost not a +moment in carrying the war into their country. She turned about and +addressed her uncle in a playful tone, which yet smacked of reproof. + +"Here you are at last, Uncle John! I thought you'd forgotten all about +me. I've been walking miles in mad pursuit of you, till I was so tired +and hungry I think I should have dropped if Mr. Goring hadn't taken +pity upon me and made me eat his supper." + +Sir John defended himself, and Lord Ipswich was shocked to think that a +lady had been in such distress in his house; although the apparition of +Goring prevented him from feeling it as acutely as he would otherwise +have done. His pleasant pink face took on an expression of severity as +he responded to his son-in-law's somewhat too cheerful greeting. + +"Sorry to be so late, but we were held up by a fog at the mouth of the +Thames." + +"It must have been very important business to take you all the way to +Brussels so suddenly." + +"It certainly wouldn't wait. I heard there was a whole set of Beauvais +tapestries to be had for a mere song. I couldn't buy them without seeing +them you know, and the big London and Paris dealers were bound to chip +in if I didn't settle the matter pretty quick. I'm precious glad I did, +for they're the finest pieces I ever saw and would have fetched five +times what I gave for them at Christie's." + +"Ah--really!" was all Lord Ipswich's response, coldly uttered and +accompanied by a smile more sarcastic than often visited his neat and +kindly lips. Sir John Ireton and Mildred, aware of the delicate +situation, partly domestic and partly political, upon which they were +intruding, took themselves away and were presently rolling through the +empty streets in the gray light of early morning. + + + + +CHAPTER XXV + + +Not long afterwards Mildred received a letter the very address of which +had an original appearance, looking as if it were written with a stick +in a fist rather than with a pen between fingers. It caught her +attention at once from half a dozen others. + + "DEAR MRS. STEWART,--Yesterday I was at Cochrane's studio + and he told me Meres was the greatest authority in England + on tapestry, and also a cousin of yours. Please remember (or + forgive) the supper on Tuesday, and of your kindness, ask + him to let me see his lot and give me his opinion on mine. + Cochrane had a folly he called a portrait of you in his + studio. I turned its face to the wall; and in the end he + admitted I was right. + + "Yours sincerely, + + "GEORGE GORING." + +Accordingly, on a very hot day early in July, Goring met Mildred again, +at Sir Cyril Meres's house on Campden Hill. The long room at one end of +which stood the small dining-table looked on the greenness of a lawny, +lilac-sheltered garden, so that such light as filtered through the green +jalousies was green also. There was a great block of ice somewhere in +the room, and so cool it was, so greenly dim there, that it seemed +almost like a cavern of the sea. Mildred wore a white dress, and, as +was the fashion of the moment, a large black hat shadowed with +ostrich-feathers. Once more on seeing her he had a startled impression +of looking upon an ethereal creature, a being somehow totally distinct +from other beings; and for lack of some more appropriate name, he called +her again in his mind "Undine." As the talk, which Cyril Meres had a +genius for making general, became more animated, he half lost that +impression in one of a very clever, charming woman, with a bright wit +sailing lightly over depths of knowledge to which he was unaccustomed in +her sex. + +The party was not intended to number more than eight persons, of whom +Lady Thomson was one, and they sat down seven. When Sir Cyril observed: +"We won't wait any longer for Davison," Mildred was too much interested +in Goring's presence to inquire who this Davison might be. + +She sparkled on half through luncheon to the delight of every one but +Miss Ormond the actress, who would have preferred to play the lead +herself. Then came a pause. A door was opened at the far end of the dim +room, and the missing guest appeared. Sir Cyril rose hastily to greet +him. He advanced without any apologetic hurry in his gait; the same +impassive Maxwell Davison as before, but leaner, browner, more +silver-headed from three more years of wandering under Oriental suns. +Mildred could hardly have supposed it possible that the advent of any +human being could have given her so disagreeable a sensation. + +Sir Cyril was unaware that she knew Maxwell Davison; surprised to hear +that he was a cousin of Stewart's, between whom and himself there +existed a mutual antipathy, expressing itself in terms of avoidance. His +own acquaintance with Davison was recent and in the way of business. He +had had the fancy to build for the accommodation of his Hellenic +treasures a room in imitation of the court of a Graeco-Roman house which +he had helped to excavate in Asia Minor. He had commissioned Davison to +buy him hangings for it to harmonize with an old Persian carpet in cream +color and blue of which he was already possessed. Davison had brought +these with him and a little collection of other things which he thought +Meres might care to look at. He did not know the Stewarts had moved to +London, and it was an unpleasant surprise to find himself seated at the +same table with Mildred; he had not forgotten, still less forgiven, the +lure of her coquetry, the insult of her rebuff. + +Lady Thomson was next him and questioned him exhaustively about his book +on Persian Literature and the travels of his lifetime. Miss Ormond took +advantage of Mrs. Stewart's sudden silence to talk to the table rather +cleverly around the central theme of herself. Goring conversed apart +with Mrs. Stewart. + +Coffee was served in the shrine which Sir Cyril had reared for his Greek +collection, of which the gem was a famous head of Aphrodite--an early +Aphrodite, divine, removed from all possible pains and agitations of +human passion. The room was an absurdity on Campden Hill, said some, +but undeniably beautiful in itself. The columns, of singular lightness +and grace, were of a fine marble which hovered between creamy white and +faint yellow, and the walls and floor were of the same tone, except for +a frieze on a Greek model, very faintly colored, and the old Persian +carpet. In fine summer weather the large skylight covering the central +space was withdrawn, and such sky as London can show looked down upon +it. The new hangings which Maxwell Davison had brought with him were +already displayed on a tall screen, and his miscellaneous collection of +antiquities, partly sent from Durham College, partly lately acquired, +were arranged on a marble bench. + +"I shouldn't have brought these things, Sir Cyril," he said; "if I'd +known Mrs. Stewart was here. She's got a way of hinting that my most +cherished antiquities are forgeries; and the worst of it is, she makes +every one believe her, including myself." + +Mildred protested. + +"I don't pretend to know anything about antiquities, Mr. Davison. I'm +sure I never suspected you of a forgery, and if I had, I hope I +shouldn't have been rude enough to tell you so." + +Maxwell Davison laughed his harsh laugh. + +"Do you want me to believe you can't be rude, Mrs. Stewart?" + +"I'm almost afraid she can't be," interposed Lady Thomson's full voice. +"People who make a superstition of politeness infallibly lose the higher +courtesy of truth." + +Here Sir Cyril Meres called Davison away to worship at the shrine of the +Aphrodite, while Goring invited Mrs. Stewart into a neighboring corridor +where some tapestries were hanging. + +The divining crystal was among the objects returned from Oxford, and had +been included in the collection which Davison had brought with him, on +the chance that the painter might fancy such curiosities. When Goring +and Mildred returned from their leisurely inspection of the tapestries, +Miss Ormond had it in her hand, and Lady Thomson was commenting on some +remark of hers. + +"I've no doubt, as you say, it has played a wicked part before now in +Oriental intrigues. But of course the poor crystal is perfectly innocent +of the things read into it by rascals, practising on the ignorant and +superstitious." + +"Sometimes, perhaps, Lady Thomson," returned Miss Ormond; "but sometimes +people do see extraordinary visions in a crystal." + +Lady Thomson sniffed. + +"Excitable, imaginative people do, I dare say." + +"On the contrary, prosaic people are far more likely to see things than +highly strung imaginative creatures like myself. I've tried several +times and have never seen anything. I believe having a great deal of +brain-power and emotion and all that tells against it. I shouldn't be at +all surprised now if Mrs. Stewart, who is--well, I should fancy, just a +little cold, very bright and all that on the surface, you know--I +shouldn't wonder if she could crystal-gaze very successfully. I should +like to know whether she's ever tried." + +"I'm sure she's not," replied Lady Thomson, firmly. "My niece, Mrs. +Stewart, is a great deal too sensible and well-educated." + +"Mrs. Stewart can't honestly say the same for herself," interposed +Davison; "she gazed in this very crystal some years ago and certainly +saw something in it." + +Miss Ormond exclaimed in triumph. Mildred froze. She did not desire the +role of Society Seer. + +"What did I see, Mr. Davison?" she asked. + +He shrugged his shoulders. + +"Nothing of importance. You saw a woman in a light dress. Perhaps it was +Lady Hammerton the collector, originally guilty, you remember, in the +matter of the forged Augustus." + +"Mildred had only to peep in any glass to see Lady Hammerton, or some +one sufficiently like her," observed Meres. + +"That idea was started when David Fletcher picked up the fancy picture +which he chose to call a portrait of Lady Hammerton," cried Lady +Thomson, who was just taking her leave. "Such nonsense! I protest +against my own niece and a scholar of Ascham being likened to that +scandalous woman." + +Cyril Meres smiled and stroked his soft, silvery beard. + +"Quite right of you to protest, Beatrice. Still, I'm glad Lady Hammerton +didn't stick heroically to her Professor--as Mildred here does. We +should never have been proud of her as an ancestress if she had." + +"Heroically?" repeated Maxwell Davison under his breath, and laughed. +But the meaning of his laugh was lost on every one except Mildred. She +flushed hotly at the thought of having to bear the responsibility of +that ridiculous scene on the Cherwell; it was humiliating, indeed. She +took up the crystal to conceal her chagrin. + +"Do please see something, Mrs. Stewart!" exclaimed Miss Ormond. + +"What sort of thing?" + +"Anything! Whatever you see, it will be quite thrilling. + +"Please see me, Mrs. Stewart," petitioned Goring, wandering towards the +crystal-gazer. "I should so like to thrill Miss Ormond." + +"It's no good your trying that way," smiled the lady, playing fine eyes. +"It's only shadows that are thrilling in the crystal; shadows of +something happening a long way off; or sometimes a coming event casts a +shadow before--and that's the most thrilling of all." + +"A coming event! That's exactly what I am, a tremendous coming Political +Event. You ask them in the House," cried Goring, thrusting out his chin +and aiming a provocative side-smile at a middle-aged Under-Secretary of +State who discreetly admired Miss Ormond. + +"Modest creature!" ejaculated the Under-Secretary playfully with his +lips; and in his heart vindictively, "Conceited devil!" + +"Please see me, Mrs. Stewart!" pleaded Goring, half kneeling on a chair +and leaning over the crystal. + +"I do," she returned. "I'd rather not. You look so distorted and odd; +and so do I, don't I? Dreadful! But the crystal's getting cloudy." + +"Then you're going really to see something!" exclaimed Miss Ormond. "How +delightful! Come away directly, Mr. Goring, or you'll spoil everything." + +Sir Cyril and Davison looked up from some treasure of Greek art. The +conversation was perfunctory, every one's curiosity waiting on Mildred +and the crystal. + +"Don't you see anything yet, Mrs. Stewart?" asked Miss Ormond at length, +impatiently. + +"No," replied Mildred, hesitatingly. "At least, not exactly. I see +something like rushing water and foam." + +"The reflection of clouds overhead," pronounced the Under-Secretary, +dogmatically, glancing upward. + +"I'm sure it's nothing of the kind," asserted Miss Ormond. "Please go on +looking, Mrs. Stewart, and perhaps you'll see a water-spirit." + +"Why do you want her to see a water-spirit?" asked Davison, ironically. +"In all countries of the world they are reckoned spiteful, treacherous +creatures. I was once bitten by one severely, and I have never wanted to +see one since." + +"Oh, Mr. Davison! Are you serious? What do you mean?" questioned Miss +Ormond. + +Mrs. Stewart hastily put down the crystal. "I don't want to see one," +she said; "I'm afraid it might bring me bad luck, and, besides, I can't +wait for it, I've got several calls to make before I go home, and I +think there's a storm coming." She shivered. "I'm quite cold." + +Miss Ormond said that must be the effect of the crystal, as the +afternoon was still oppressively hot. + +Goring caught up with Mrs. Stewart in the gravel drive outside the house +and walked through Kensington Gardens with her. It seemed to them both +quite natural that they should be walking together, and their talk was +in the vein of old friends who have met after a long separation rather +than in that of new acquaintances. When he left her and turned to walk +across Hyde Park towards Westminster, he examined his impressions and +perceived that he was in a state of mind foreign to his nature, and +therefore the butt of his ridicule; a state in which, if he and Mrs. +Stewart had been unmarried persons, he would have said to himself, "That +is the woman I shall marry." It would not have been a passion or an +emotion that would have made him say that; it would have been a +conviction. As it was, the thing was absurd. Cochrane had told him, half +in jest, that Mrs. Stewart was a breaker of hearts, but had not hinted +that her own was on the market. Her appearance made it surely an +interesting question whether she had a heart at all. + +And for himself? He hated to think of his marriage, because he +recognized in it the fatal "little spot" in the yet ungarnered fruit of +his life. He was only thirty, but he had been married seven years and +had two children, both of them the image of all the Barthops that had +ever been, except his own father. In moments of depression he saw +himself through all the coming years being gradually broken, crushed +under a weight of Barthops--father-in-law, wife and children--moulded +into a thin semblance of a Marquis of Ipswich, a bastard Marquis. No one +but himself knew the weakness of his character--explosive, audacious in +alarums or excursions, but without the something, call it strength or +hardness or stupidity, which enables the man or woman possessing it to +resist constant domestic pressure--the unconscious pressure of radically +opposed character. The crowd applauds the marriage of such opposites +because their side almost always wins; partly by its own weight and +partly by their weight behind. But the truth is that two beings opposed +in emotional temperament and mental processes are only a few degrees +more able to help and understand each other in the close union of +marriage than the two personalities of Milly Stewart in the closer union +of her body. + +From one point of view it was Goring's fatal weakness to have a real +affection for his father-in-law, who was a pattern of goodness and +good-breeding. Consequently, that very morning he had promised Lord +Ipswich to walk in the straightest way of the party, for one year at +least; and if he must slap faces, to select them on the other side of +the House. Nevertheless, if he really wished to give sincere +gratification to Lord Ipswich and to dear Augusta, he must needs give +up his capricious and offensive tactics altogether. These things might +give him a temporary notoriety in the House and country, but they were +not in the traditions of the Ipswich family, which had held a high place +in politics for two hundred years. The Marquis said that he had always +tried to make George feel that he was received as a true son of the +family and heir of its best traditions, if not of its name. There had +been a great deal of good faith on both sides. Yet now a solitary young +man, looking well in the frock-coat and tall hat of convention, might +have been observed stopping and striking the gravel viciously as he +reflected on the political future which his father-in-law was mapping +out for him. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI + + +Sir James Carus, the well-known scientist, had for some time been +employing Miss Timson in the capacity of assistant, and spoke highly of +her talents. She began to have a reputation in scientific circles, and +owing to her duties with Carus she could not come to the Stewarts' as +often as she had formerly done. But she preserved her habit of +dismissing the parlor-maid at the door and creeping up to the +drawing-room like a thief in the night. + +On the day following Sir Cyril Meres's luncheon-party she arrived in her +usual fashion. The windows were shaded against the afternoon sun, but +the sky was now overcast, and such a twilight reigned within that at +first she could distinguish little, and the drawing-room seemed to her +to be empty. But in a minute she discerned a white figure supine in a +large arm-chair--Mildred, and asleep. + +She had a writing-board on her knee, and a hand resting on it still held +a stylograph. She must have dozed over her writing; yet she did not stir +when her name was uttered. Tims noticed a peculiar stillness in her, a +something almost inanimate in her attitude and countenance, which +suggested that this was no ordinary siesta. The idea that Milly might +even now be resurgent fluttered Tims's pulses with a mixed emotion. + +"Good old Milly! Poor old girl!" she breathed to the white figure in the +arm-chair. "Don't be in a hurry! You won't find it all beer and skittles +when you're here." + +It seemed to her that a slight convulsion passed over the sleeper's +face. + +Tims seated herself on a low chair, in the attitude of certain gargoyles +that crouch under the eaves of old churches, elbows on knees, chin on +hands, and fixed her eyes in silence on her silent companion. In spite +of her work along the acknowledged lines of science, she had pursued her +hypnotic studies furtively, half in scorn and half in fear of her +scientific brethren. What would she not have given to be enabled to +watch, to comprehend the changes passing within that human form so close +to her that she could see its every external detail, could touch it by +the out-stretching of a hand! But its inner shrine, its secret place, +remained barred against those feeble implements of sense with which +nature has provided the explorative human intelligence. Its content was +more mysterious, more inaccessible than that of the remotest star which +yields the secret of its substance to the spectroscope of the +astronomer. + +Tims's thoughts had forsaken the personal side of the question, when she +was recalled to it by seeing the right hand in which the stylograph had +been lying begin to twitch, the fingers to contract. There was no +answering movement in the face--even when the sleeper at length firmly +grasped the pen and suddenly sat up. Tims rose quickly, and then +perceived, lying on the writing-board, a directed envelope and a +half-finished note to herself. She slipped the note-paper nearer to the +twitching hand, and after a few meaningless flourishes, it wrote slowly +and tentatively: + +"Tims--Milly--cannot get back. Help me ... Save Ian. Wicked creature--no +conscience--" + +Here the power of the hand began to fail, and the writing was terminated +by mere scrawls. The sleeper's eyes were now open, but not wide. They +had a strange, glassy look in them, nor did she show any consciousness +of Tims's presence. She dropped the pen, folded the paper in the same +slow and tentative manner in which she had written upon it, and placed +it in the directed envelope lying there. Then her face contracted, her +fingers slackened, and she fell back again to the depths of the chair. + +"Milly!" cried Tims, almost involuntarily bending over her. "Milly!" + +Again there was a slight contraction of the face and of the whole body. + +At the moment that Tims uttered Milly's name, Ian was entering the room. +His long legs brought him up to the chair in an instant, and he asked, +without the usual salutation: + +"What's the matter? Has--has the change happened?" + +His voice unconsciously spoke dismay. Tims looked at him. + +"No, not exactly," she articulated, slowly; and, after a pause: "Poor +old Milly's trying to come back, that's all." + +She paused again; then: + +"You look a bit worried, old man." + +He tossed back his head with a gesture he had kept from the days when +the crest of raven-black hair had been wont to grow too long and +encroach on his forehead. It was grizzled now, and much less intrusive. + +"I'm about tired out," he said, shortly. + +"Look here," she continued, "if you really want Milly back, just say so. +She's kind of knocking at the door, and I believe I could let her in if +I tried." + +He dropped wearily into a chair. + +"For Heaven's sake, Miss Timson, don't put the responsibility on me!" + +"I can't help it," returned Tims. "She's managed to get this through to +me--" She handed Milly's scrawled message to Ian. + +He read it, then read it again and handed it back. + +"Strange, certainly." + +"Does it mean anything in particular?" + +He shrugged his shoulders almost impatiently and sighed. + +"Oh no! It's the poor child's usual cry when she's here. She's got it +into her head that the self she doesn't know is frightfully wicked, and +makes me miserable. I've tried over and over again to convince her, but +it's all nonsense." + +He thought to himself: "She is coming back still full of this mortal, +heart-rending jealousy, and we shall have more painful scenes." + +"Well, it's your business to say what I'm to do," insisted Tims. "I +don't think she'd have troubled to write if she'd found she could get +back altogether without my help; but the other one's grown a bit too +strong for her. Do you want Milly back?" + +The remorseless Tims forced on Ian a plain question which in his own +mind he habitually sought to evade. He leaned back and shaded his eyes +with his hand. After a silence he spoke, low, as if with effort: + +"I can't honestly say I want the change to happen just now, Miss Timson. +It means a great deal of agitation, a thorough upheaval of everything. +We have an extremely troublesome business on at the Merchants' +Guild--I've just come away from a four hours' meeting; and upon my word +I don't think I can stand a--domestic revolution at the same time. It +would utterly unfit me for my work." + +He did not add that he had been looking forward to receiving helpful +counsel from Mildred, with her clear common-sense, seasoned with wit. + +Tims wagged her head and stared in his face. + +"Poor old M.!" she ejaculated, slowly. + +Miss Timson still possessed the rare power of irritating Ian Stewart. He +grew restive. + +"I suppose I am a selfish brute. Men always are, aren't they? But, after +all, my wife enjoys life in her present state at least as much as she +does in the other." + +"Not for the same reason, dear boy," returned Tims. "Old M., bless her, +just lives for you. You don't imagine, do you, that Mildred cares about +you like that?" + +Ian flushed slightly, and his face hardened. + +"One can't very well discuss one's wife's feeling for one's self," he +said. "I believe I have every reason to be happy, however things are. +And I very much doubt, Miss Timson, whether you can really effect the +change in her in any way. At any rate, I'd rather you didn't try, +please. I'll have her moved to her room, where she'll most likely sleep +till to-morrow." + +Tims bent over the sleeper. Then: + +"I don't believe she will, somehow. You'd better leave her with me for +the present, and I'll let you know if anything happens." + +He obeyed, and in a minute she heard the front door close after him. +Tims sat down in the chair which he had vacated. + +"Poor old M.!" she ejaculated again, presently, and added: "What idiots +men are! All except old Carus and Mr. Fitzallan. He's sensible enough." + +Her thoughts wandered away, until they were recalled by the door opening +a mere chink to let a child slip into the room--a slim, tall child, in a +blue smock--Tony. His thick, dark hair was cropped boywise now, and the +likeness of the beautiful, sensitive child face to Ian's was more +marked. It was evident that in him there was to be no blending of +strains, but an exact reproduction of the paternal type. + +Tims was in his eyes purely a comic character, but the ready grin with +which he usually greeted her was replaced to-day by a little, +inattentive smile. He went past her and stood by the sofa, looking +fixedly at his mother with a grave mouth and a slight frown on his +forehead. At length he turned away, and was about to leave the room as +quietly as he had come, when Tims brought him to a stand-still at her +knee. He held up an admonishing finger. + +"Sh! Don't you wake my Mummy, or Daddy 'll be angry with you." + +"We sha'n't wake her; she's too fast asleep. Tell me why you looked so +solemnly at her just now, Tony?" + +Tony, his hands held fast, wriggled, rubbed his shoulder against his +ear, and for all answer laughed in a childish, silly way. Such is the +depth and secretiveness of children, whom we call transparent. + +"Did you think Mummy was dead?" + +"What's 'dead'?" asked Tony, with interest, putting off his mask of +inanity. + +"People are dead when they've gone to sleep and will never wake again," +returned Tims. + +Tony thought a minute; then his dark eyes grew very large. He whispered +slowly, as though with difficulty formulating his ideas: + +"Doesn't they _never_ wake? Doesn't they wake up after ever so long, +when peoples can't remember everything--and it makes them want to cry, +only grown-up people aren't 'lowed?" + +Tims was puzzled. But even in her bewilderment it occurred to her that +if poor Milly should return, she would be distressed to find in what a +slovenly manner Tony was allowed to express himself. + +"I don't know what you mean, Tony. Say it again and put it more +clearly." + +Tims had around her neck a necklace composed of casts of coins in the +British Museum. She did not usually wear ornaments, because she +possessed none, except a hair-bracelet, two brooches, and a large gold +cross which had belonged to her late aunt. Tony's soft, slender fingers +went to the necklace, and ignoring her question, he asked: "Why have you +got these funny things round your neck, Auntie Tims?" + +"They're not funny. They're beautiful--copies of money which the old +Greeks used to use. A gentleman gave it to me." Tims spoke with a grand +carelessness. "I dare say if you're a good boy he'll tell you stories +about them himself some day. But I want you to explain what it was you +meant to say about dead people. Dead people don't come back, you know." + +Tony touched her hand, which lay open on her knee, and played with the +fingers a minute. Then raising his eyes he said, plaintively: + +"I do so want my tea." + +Once more he had wiped the conversational slate, and the baffled Tims +dismissed him. He opened the door a little and slipped out; put his dark +head in again with an engaging smile, said politely, "I sha'n't be away +_very_ long," and closed the door softly behind him. For that soft +closing of the door was one of the things poor Milly had taught him +which the little 'peoples' did contrive to remember. + +The sleeper now began to stir slightly in her sleep, and before Tony's +somewhat prolonged tea was over, she sat up and looked about her. + +"Is that Tims?" she asked, in a colorless voice. + +"Yes--is it you, Milly?" + +"No. What makes you think so?" + +"Milly's been trying to come back. I suppose she couldn't manage it." + +"Ah!"--there was a deep satisfaction in Mildred's tone now; "I thought +she couldn't!" + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII + + +George Goring and Mildred Stewart did not move in the same social set, +but their sets had points of contact, and it was at these that Goring +was now most likely to be found; especially at the pleasant bachelor +house on Campden Hill. Mrs. Stewart walked in the Park every morning at +an unfashionable hour, and sometimes, yet not too often for discretion, +Goring happened to be walking there too. All told, their meetings were +not very numerous, nor very private. But every half-hour they spent in +each other's company seemed to do the work of a month of intimacy. + +July hastened to an end, but an autumn Session brought Goring up to town +in November, and three months of absence found him and Mildred still at +the same point. Sir Cyril Meres was already beginning to plan his +wonderful _tableaux-vivants_, which, however, did not come off until +February. The extraordinary imitative talent which his artistic career +had been one long struggle to disguise, was for once to be allowed full +play. The _tableaux_ were to represent paintings by certain +fellow-artists and friends; not actual pictures by them, but pictures +which they might have painted, and the supposed authors were allowed a +right of veto or criticism. + +A stage of Renaissance design, which did not jar with the surrounding +architecture, was erected in the depth of the portico at the end of the +Hellenic room. + +The human material at Meres's command was physically admirable. He had +long been the chosen portrait-painter of wealth and fashion, and there +was not a beauty in Society, with the biggest "S," who was not delighted +to lend her charms for his purpose. The young men might grumble for +form's sake, but at the bottom of their hearts they were equally +sensible to the compliment of being asked to appear. It was when it came +to the moulding of the material for artistic purposes, that the trouble +began. The English have produced great actors, but in the bulk they have +little natural aptitude for the stage; and what they have is discouraged +by a social training which strains after the ideal composure, the few +movements, the glassy eye of a waxwork. Only a small and chosen number, +it is true, fully attain that ideal; but when we see them we recognize +with a start, almost with a shudder, that it is there, the perfection of +our deportment. + +Cyril Meres was, however, an admirable stage-manager, exquisite in tact, +in temper, and urbane patience. The results of his prolonged training +were wonderful; yet again and again he found it impossible to carry out +his idea without placing his cousin Mrs. Stewart at the vital point of +his picture. She was certainly not the most physically beautiful woman +there, but she was unrivalled by any other in the grace, the variety, +the meaning of her gestures, the dramatic transformations of her +countenance. She was Pandora, she was Hope, she was Lady Hammerton, she +was the Vampire, and she was the Queen of Faerie. + +There is jealousy on the amateur stage as well as on the professional, +and ladies of social position, accustomed to see their beauty lauded in +the newspapers, saw no reason why Mrs. Stewart should be thrust to the +front of half of the pictures. Lady Langham, the "smart" Socialist, with +whom George Goring had flirted last season, to Lady Augusta's real +dismay, was the leading rival candidate for Mildred's roles. But Lady +Langham never guessed that Mrs. Stewart was the cause of George Goring's +disappearance from the list of her admirers, and she still had hopes of +his return. + +The _tableaux_ were a brilliant success. Ian was there on the first +evening, so was Lady Augusta Goring. Lady Langham, peeping through the +curtains, saw her, and swept the horizon--that is, the circle of black +coats around the walls--in vain for George Goring. Then Lady Augusta +became audible, saying that in the present state of affairs in the House +it was quite impossible for Mr. Goring to leave it, even for dinner, on +that evening or the next. Nevertheless, on the next evening, Lady +Langham espied George Goring in the act of taking a vacant chair near +the front, next to a social _protegee_ of her own. She turned and +mentioned the fact to a friend, who smiled meaningly and remarked, "In +spite of Lady Augusta's whip!" + +Mildred, passing, caught the information, the comment, the smile. During +the rehearsals for the _tableaux_, she had heard people coupling the +names of Goring and Lady Langham, not seriously, yet seriously enough +for her. A winged shaft of jealousy pierced at once her heart and her +pride. Was she allowing her whole inner life to be shaken, dissolved by +the passing admiration of a flirt? Her intimate self had assurance that +it was not so; but sometimes a colder wind, blowing she knew not whence, +or the lash of a chance word, threw her into the attitude of a chance +observer, one who sees, guesses, does not know. + +Meantime George Goring had flung himself down in the only vacant chair +he could see, and careless of the brilliant company about him, careless +even of the face of Aphrodite herself, smiling divinely, unconcerned +with human affairs, from a far corner he waited for the curtain to go +up. His neighbor spoke. She had met him at the Langhams last season. +What a pity he had just missed Lady Langham's great _tableau_, "Helen +before the Elders of Troy"! There was no one to be compared to Maud +Langham, so beautiful, so clever! She would have made her fortune if she +had gone on the stage. Goring gave the necessary assent. + +The curtain went up, exhibiting a picture called "The Vampire." It was +smaller than most and shown by a curious pale light. A fair young girl +was lying in a deep sleep on a curtained bed, and hovering, crawling +over her with a deadly, serpentine grace, was a white figure wrapped in +a veiling garment that might have been a shroud. Out of white cerements +showed a trail of yellow hair and a face alabaster white, save for the +lips that were blood red--an intent face with a kind of terrible beauty, +yet instinct with cruelty. One slender, bloodless hand was in the girl's +hair, and, even without the title, it would have been plain that there +was a deadly purpose in that creeping figure. + +"Isn't it horrid?" whispered Goring's neighbor. "Fancy that Mrs. Stewart +letting herself be made to look so dreadful!" + +"Who?" asked Goring, horrified. He had not recognized Mildred. + +"Why, the girl on the bed's Gertrude Waters, and the Vampire's a cousin +of Sir Cyril Meres. A horrid little woman some people admire, but I +shouldn't think any one would after this. I call it disgusting, don't +you?" + +"It's horrible!" gasped George; "it oughtn't to be allowed. What does +that fellow Meres mean by inventing such deviltries? By Jove, I should +like to thrash him!" + +The neighbor stared. It was all very well to be horrified at Mrs. +Stewart, but why this particular form of horror? + +"Please call me when it's over," said Goring, putting his head down +between his hands. + +What an eccentric young man he was! But clever people often were +eccentric. + +In due course the _tableau_ was over, and to the relief of one +spectator at least, it was not encored. The next was some harmless +domestic scene with people in short waists. George Goring looked in vain +for Mildred among them, longing to see her, the real lovely her, and +forget the horrible thing she had portrayed. Lady Langham was there, and +his neighbor commended her tediously, convinced of pleasing. + +There followed a large and very beautiful picture in the manner of a +great English Pre-Raphaelite. This was called "Thomas the Rhymer, +meeting with the Faerie Queen," but it did not follow the description of +the ballad. The Faerie Queen, a figure of a Botticellian grace, was +coming, with all her fellowship, out of a wonderful pinewood, while +Thomas the Rhymer, handsome and young and lean and brown, his harp +across his back, had just crossed a mountain-stream by a rough bridge. +He appeared suddenly to have beheld her, pausing above him before +descending the heathery bank that edged the wood; and looking in her +face, to have entered at once into the land of Faerie. The pose, the +figure, the face of the Faerie Queen were of the most exquisite charm +and beauty, touched with a something of romance and mystery that no +other woman there except Mildred could have lent it. The youth who +personated Thomas the Rhymer was temporarily in love with Mrs. Stewart +and acted his part with intense expression. Goring, shading his eyes +with his hand, fixed them upon her as long as he dared; then glanced at +the Rhymer and was angry. He turned to his chattering neighbor and +asked: + +"Who's the chap doing Thomas? Looks as if he wanted a wash." + +"I don't know. Nobody particular, I should think. Wasn't it a pity they +didn't have Lady Langham for the Faerie Queen? I do call it absurd the +way Sir Cyril Meres has put that pert, insignificant cousin of his +forward in quite half the pictures--and when he might have had Maud +Langham." + +Goring threw himself back in his chair and laughed his quite loud laugh. + +"'A mad world, my masters,'" he quoted. + +His neighbor took this for Mr. Goring's eccentric way of approving her +sentiments. But what he really meant was: What a strange masquerade is +the world! This neighbor of his, so ordinary, so desirous to please, +would have shuddered at the notion of hinting to him the patent fact +that Lady Augusta Goring was a tiring woman; while she pressed upon him +laudations of a person to whom he was perfectly indifferent, mingled +with insulting comments on the only woman in the world for him--the +woman who was his world, without whom nothing was; on her whose very +name, even on these silly, hostile lips, gave him a strong sensation, +whether of pain or pleasure he could hardly tell. + +After the performance he constrained himself to go the round of the +ladies of his acquaintance who had been acting and compliment them +cleverly and with good taste. Lady Langham of course seized the lion's +share of his company and his compliments. He seemed to address only a +few remarks of the same nature to Mrs. Stewart, but he had watched his +opportunity and was able to say to her: + +"I must leave in a quarter of an hour at latest. Please let me drive you +back. You won't say no?" + +There was a pleading note in the last phrase and his eyes met hers +gravely, anxiously. It was evident that she must answer immediately, +while their neighbors' attention was distracted from them. She was pale +before under her stage make-up, and now she grew still paler. + +"Thanks. I told Cousin Cyril I was tired and shouldn't stay long. I'll +go and change at once." + +Then Thomas the Rhymer was at her elbow again, bringing her something +for which she had sent him. + +The green-room, in which she resumed the old white lace evening-dress +that she had worn to dine with her cousin, was strewn with the delicate +underclothing, the sumptuous wraps and costly knick-knacks of wealthy +women. She had felt ashamed, as she had undressed there, of her own poor +little belongings among these; and ashamed to be so ashamed. As she had +seen her garments overswept by the folds of the fair Socialist's white +velvet mantle, lined with Arctic fox and clasped with diamonds, she had +smiled ironically at the juxtaposition. Since circumstances and her own +gifts had drawn her into the stream of the world, she had been more and +more conscious, however unwillingly, of a longing for luxuries, for rich +settings to her beauty, for some stage upon which her brilliant +personality might shine uplifted, secure. For she seemed to herself +sometimes like a tumbler at a fair, struggling in the crowd for a space +in which to spread his carpet. Now--George Goring loved her. Let the +others keep their furs and laces and gewgaws, their great fortunes or +great names. Yet if it had been possible for her to take George Goring's +love, he could have given her most of these things as well. + +Wrapped in a gauzy white scarf, she seemed to float rather than walk +down the stairs into the hall, where Thomas the Rhymer was lingering, in +the hope of finding an excuse to escort her home. She was pale, with a +clear, beautiful pallor, a strange smile was on her lips and her eyes +shone like stars. The Queen of Faerie had looked less lovely, meeting +him on the edge of the wood. She nodded him good-night and passed +quickly on into the porch. With a boyish pang he saw her vanish, not +into the darkness of night, but into the blond interior of a smart +brougham. A young man, also smart--her husband, for aught he +knew--paused on the step to give orders to the coachman, and followed +her in. A moment he saw her dimly, in the glare of carriage-lamps, a +white vision, half eclipsed by the black silhouette of the man at her +side; then they glided away over the crunching gravel of the drive, into +the fiery night of London. + +"Do you really think it went off well?" she asked, as they passed +through the gates into the street. George was taking off his hat and +putting it down on the little shelf opposite. He leaned back and was +silent a few seconds; then starting forward, laid his hand upon her +knee. + +"Don't let's waste time like that, Mildred," he said--and although he +had never called her so before, it seemed natural that he should--"we +haven't got much. You know, don't you, why I asked you to drive with +me?" + +She in her turn was silent a moment, then meeting his eyes: + +"Yes," she said, quite simply and courageously. + +"I thought you could hardly help seeing I loved you, however blind other +people might be." + +Her head was turned away again and she looked out of the window, as she +answered in a voice that tried to be light: + +"But it isn't of any consequence, is it? I suppose you're always in love +with somebody or other." + +"Is that what people told you about me?"--and it was new and wonderful +to her to hear George Goring speak with this calmness and +gravity--"You've not been long in the world, little girl, or you'd know +how much to believe of what's said there." + +"No," she answered, in turn becoming calm and deliberate. "When I come +to think of it, people only say that women generally like you and that +you flirt with them. I--I invented the rest." + +"But, good Heavens! Why?" There was a note of pain and wonder in his +voice. + +She paused, and his hand moved under her cloak to be laid on the two +slender hands clasped on her lap. + +"I suppose I was jealous," she said. + +He smiled. + +"Absurd child! But I'm a bit of an ass that way myself. I was jealous of +Thomas the Rhymer this evening." + +"That brat!" + +She laughed low, the sweet laugh that was like no one else's. It was +past midnight and the streets were comparatively quiet and dark, but at +that moment they were whirled into a glare of strong light. They looked +in each other's eyes in silence, his hand tightening its hold upon hers. +Then again they plunged into wavering dimness, and he resumed, gravely +and calmly as before, but bending nearer her. + +"If I weren't anxious to tell you the exact truth, to avoid +exaggeration, I should say I fell in love with you the first time I met +you. It seems to me now as though it had been so. And the second +time--you remember it was one very hot day last July, when we both +lunched with Meres--I hadn't the least doubt that if I had been free and +you also, I should have left no stone unturned to get you for my wife." + +Every word was sweet to her, yet she answered sombrely: + +"But we are not free." + +He, disregarding the answer, went on: + +"You love me, as I love you?" + +"As you love me, dearest; and from the first." + +A minute's silence, while the hands held each other fast. Then low, +triumphantly, he exclaimed: "Well?" + +Her slim hands began to flutter a little in his as she answered all that +that "Well" implied. + +"It's impossible, dear. It's no use arguing about it. It's just waste of +time--and we've only got this little time." + +"To do what? To make love in? Dear, we've got all our lives if we +please. We've both made a tremendous mistake, we've both got a chance +now of going back on it, of setting our lives right again, making them +better indeed than we ever dreamed of their being. We inflict some loss +on other people--no loss comparable to our gain--we hurt them chiefly +because of their bloated ideas of their claims on us. I know you've +weighed things, have no prejudices. Rules, systems, are made for types +and classes, not for us. You belong to no type, Mildred. I belong to no +class." + +She answered low, painfully: + +"It's true I am unlike other people; that's the very reason, why--I--I'm +not good to love." There was a low utterance that was music in her ears, +yet she continued: "Then, dear friend, think of your career, ruined for +me, by me. You might be happy for a while, then you'd regret it." + +"That's where you're wrong. My career? A rotten little game, these House +of Commons party politics, when you get into it! The big things go on +outside them; there's all the world outside them. Anyhow, my career, as +I planned it, is ruined already. The Ipswich gang have collared me; I +can't call my tongue my own, Mildred. Think of that!" + +She smiled faintly. + +"Temporary, George! You'll soon have your head up--and your tongue +out." + +"Oh, from time to time, I presume, I shall always be the Horrid Vulgar +Boy of those poor Barthops; I shall kick like a galvanized frog long +after I'm dead. But--I wouldn't confess it to any one but you, dear--I'm +not strong enough to stand against the everlasting pressure that's +brought to bear upon me. You know what I mean, don't you?" + +"Yes. You'll be no good if you let the originality be squeezed out of +you. Don't allow it." + +"Nothing can prevent it--unless the Faerie Queen will stretch out her +dearest, sweetest hands to me and lead me, poor mortal, right away into +the wide world, into some delightful country where there's plenty of +love and no politics. I want love so much, Mildred; I've never had it, +and no one has ever guessed how much I wanted it except you, +dear--except you." + +Yes, she had guessed. The queer childhood, so noisy yet so lonely, had +been spoken of; the married life spoke for itself. + +His arm was around her now, their faces drawn close together, and in the +pale, faint light they looked each other deep in the eyes. Then their +lips met in a long kiss. + +"You see how it is," he whispered; "you can't help it. It's got to be. +No one has power to prevent it." + +But he spoke without knowledge, for there was one who had power to +prevent it, one conquered, helpless, less than a ghost, who yet could +lay an icy hand on the warm, high-beating heart of her subduer, and say: +"Love and desire, the pride of life and the freedom of the world, are +not for you. I forbid them to you--I--by a power stronger than the laws +of God or man. True, you have no husband, you have no child, for those +who seem to be yours are mine. You have taken them from me, and now you +must keep them, whether you will or no. You have taken my life from me, +and my life you must have, that and none other." + +It was against this unknown and inflexible power that George Goring +struggled with all the might of his love, and absolutely in vain. +Between him and Mildred there could be no lies, no subterfuges; only +that one silence which to him, of all others, she dared not break. + +She seemed to have been engaged in this struggle, at once so sweet and +so bitter, for an eternity before she stood on her own doorstep, +latch-key in hand. + +"Good-night, Mr. Goring. So much obliged for the lift." + +"Delighted, I'm sure. All right now? Good-night. Drop me at the House, +Edwards." + +He lifted his hat, stepped in and closed the carriage-door sharply +behind him; and in a minute the brougham with its lights rolling almost +noiselessly behind the big fast-trotting bay horse, had disappeared +around a neighboring corner. + + * * * * * + +The house was cold and dark, except for a candle which burned on an oak +dresser in the narrow hall. As Mildred dragged herself up the stairs, +she had a sensation of physical fatigue, almost bruisedness, as though +she had come out of some actual bodily combat. Her room, fireless and +cold, was solitary, for Ian's sleep had to be protected from +disturbance. Nevertheless, having loosened her wraps, she threw herself +on the bed and lay there long, her bare arms under her head. The +sensation of chill, her own cold soft flesh against her face, seemed to +brace her mind and body, to restore her powers of clear, calm judgment, +so unlike the usual short-sighted, emotionalized judgments of youth. She +had nothing of the ordinary woman's feeling of guilt towards her +husband. The intimate bond between herself and George Goring did not +seem in any relation the accidental one between her and Ian Stewart. She +had never before faced the question, the possibility of a choice between +the two. Now she weighed it with characteristic swiftness and decision. +She reasoned that Ian had enjoyed a period of great happiness in his +marriage with her, in spite of the singularity of its conditions; but +that now, while Milly could never satisfy his fastidious nature, she +herself had grown to be a hinderance, a dissonance in his life. Could +she strike a blow which would sever him from her, he would suffer +cruelly, no doubt; but it would send him back again to the student's +life, the only life that could bring him honor, and in the long run +satisfaction. And that life would not be lonely, because Tony, so +completely his father's child, would be with him. As for herself and +George Goring, she had no fear of the future. They two were strong +enough to hew and build alone their own Palace of Delight. Her intuitive +knowledge of the world informed her that, in the long run, society, if +firmly disregarded, admits the claim of certain persons to go their own +way--even rapidly admits it, though they be the merest bleating strays +from the common fold, should they haply be possessed of rank or fortune. +The way lay plain enough before Mildred, were it not for that Other. But +she, the shadowy one, deep down in her limbo, laid a finger on the gate +of that Earthly Paradise and held it, as inflexibly as any armed +archangel, against the master key of her enemy's intelligence, the +passionate assaults of her heart. + +Mildred, however, was one who found it hard, if not impossible, to +acquiesce in defeat. Two o'clock boomed from the watching towers of +Westminster over the great city. She rose from her bed, cold as a marble +figure on a monument, and went to the dressing-table to take off her few +and simple ornaments. The mirror on it was the same from which that +alien smile had peered twelve months ago, filling the sad soul of Milly +with trembling fear and sinister foreboding. The white face that stole +into its shadowy depths to-night, and looked Mildred in the eyes, was in +a manner new to her also. It had a new seriousness, a new intensity, as +of a woman whose vital energies, once spending themselves in mere +corruscations, in mere action for action's sake, were now concentrated +on one definite thought, one purpose, one emotion, which with an intense +yet benign fire blended in perfect harmony the life of the soul and of +the body. + +For a moment the face in its gravity recalled to her the latest +photograph of Milly, a tragic photograph she did not care to look at +because it touched her with a pity, a remorse, which were after all +quite useless. But the impression was false and momentary. + +"No," she said, speaking to the glass, "it's not really like. Poor weak +woman! I understand better now what you have suffered." Then almost +repeating the words of her own cruel subconscious self--"But there's all +the difference between the weak and the strong. I am the stronger, and +the stronger must win; that's written, and it's no use struggling +against the law of nature." + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII + + +George Goring was never so confident in himself as when he was fighting +an apparently losing game; and the refusal of Mildred to come to him, a +refusal based, as he supposed, on nothing but an insurmountable +prejudice against doing what was not respectable, struck him as a stage +in their relations rather than as the end of them. He did not attempt to +see her until the close of the Easter Vacation. People began to couple +their names, but lightly, without serious meaning, for Goring being +popular with women, had a somewhat exaggerated reputation as a flirt. +When a faithful cousin hinted things about him and Mrs. Stewart to Lady +Augusta, she who believed herself to have seen a number of similar +temporary enslavers, put the matter by, really glad that a harmless +nobody should have succeeded to Maud Langham with her dangerous +opinions. + +Ian Stewart on his side was barely acquainted with Goring. Sir John +Ireton and the newspapers informed him that George Goring was a flashy, +untrustworthy politician; and the former added that he was a terrible +nuisance to poor Lord Ipswich and Lady Augusta. That such a man could +attract Mildred would never have occurred to him. + +The fear of Milly's return, which she could not altogether banish, still +at times checked and restrained Mildred. Could she but have secured +Tims's assistance in keeping Milly away, she would have felt more +confident of success. It was hopeless to appeal directly to the +hypnotist, but her daring imagination began to conceive a situation in +which mere good sense and humanity must compel Tims to forbid the return +of Milly to a life made impossible for her. She had not seen Tims for +many weeks, not since the Easter Vacation, which had already receded +into a remote distance; so far had she journeyed since then along the +path of her fate. Nor had she so much as wondered at not seeing Tims. +But now her mind was turned to consider the latent power which that +strange creature held over her life, her dearest interests; since how +might not Milly comport herself with George? + +Then it was that she realized how long it had been since Tims had crept +up the stairs to her drawing-room; pausing probably in the middle of +them to wipe away with hasty pocket-handkerchief some real or fancied +trace of her foot on a carpet which she condemned as expensive. + +Mildred had written her a note, but it was hardly posted when the door +was flung open and Miss Timson was formally announced by the +parlor-maid. Tony, who was looking at pictures with his mother, rose +from her side, prepared to take a hop, skip, and jump and land with his +arms around Tims's waist. But he stopped short and contemplated her +with round-eyed solemnity. The ginger-colored man's wig had developed +into a frizzy fringe and the rest of the coiffure of the hour. A large +picture hat surmounted it, and her little person was clothed in a vivid +heliotrope dress of the latest mode. It was a handsome dress, a handsome +hat, a handsome wig, yet somehow the effect was jarring. Tony felt +vaguely shocked. "Bless thee! Thou art translated!" he might have cried +with Quince; but being a polite child, he said nothing, only put out a +small hand sadly. Tims, however, unconscious of the slight chill cast by +her appearance, kissed him in a perfunctory, patronizing way, as ladies +do who are afraid of disarranging their veils. She greeted Mildred also +with a parade of mundane elegance, and sat down deliberately on the +sofa, spreading out her heliotrope skirts. + +"You can run away just now, little man," she said to Tony. "I want to +talk to your mother." + +"How smart you are!" observed Mildred, seeing that comment of some kind +would be welcome. "Been to Sir James Carus's big party at the Museum, I +suppose. You're getting a personage, Tims." + +"I dare say I shall look in later, but I shouldn't trouble to dress up +for that, my girl. Clothes would be quite wasted there. But I think one +should always try to look decent, don't you? One's men like it." + +Mildred smiled. + +"I suppose Ian would notice it if I positively wasn't decent. But, Tims, +dear, does old Carus really criticise your frocks?" + +For indeed the distinguished scientist, Miss Timson's chief, was the +only man she could think of to whom Tims could possibly apply the +possessive adjective. Tims bridled. + +"Of course not; I was thinking of Mr. Fitzalan." + +That she had for years been very kind to a lonely little man of that +name who lived in the same block of chambers, Mildred knew, +but--Heavens! Even Mildred's presence of mind failed her, and she +stared. Meeting her amazed eye, Tims's borrowed smile suddenly broke its +bounds and became her own familiar grin, only more so: + +"We're engaged," she said. + +"My dear Tims!" exclaimed Mildred, suppressing an inclination to burst +out laughing. "What a surprise!" + +"I quite thought you'd have been prepared for it," returned Tims. "A bit +stupid of you not to guess it, don't you know, old girl. We've been +courting long enough." + +Mildred hastened to congratulate the strange bride and wish her +happiness, with all that unusual grace which she knew how to employ in +adorning the usual. + +"I thought I should like you to be the first to know," said Tims, +sentimentally, after a while; "because I was your bridesmaid, you see. +It was the prettiest wedding I ever saw, and I should love to have a +wedding like yours--all of us carrying lilies, you know." + +"I remember there were green stains on my wedding-dress," returned +Mildred, with forced gayety. + +Tims, temporarily oblivious of all awkward circumstances, continued, +still more sentimentally: + +"Then I was there, as I've told you, when Ian's pop came to poor old M. +Poor old girl! She was awfully spifligatingly happy, and I feel just the +same now myself." + +"Well, it wasn't I, anyhow, who felt 'awfully spifligatingly happy' on +that occasion," replied Mildred, with a touch of asperity in her voice. + +Tims, legitimately absorbed in her own feelings, did not notice it. She +continued: + +"I dare say the world will say Mr. Fitzalan had an eye on my money; and +it's true I've done pretty well with my investments. But, bless you! he +hadn't a notion of that. You see, I was brought up to be stingy, and I +enjoy it. He thought of course I was a pauper, and proposed we should +pauper along together. He was quite upset when he found I was an +heiress. Wasn't it sweet of him?" + +Mildred said it was. + +"Flora Fitzalan!" breathed Tims, clasping her hands and smiling into +space. "Isn't it a pretty name? It's always been my dream to have a +pretty name." Then suddenly, as though in a flash seeing all those +personal disadvantages which she usually contrived to ignore: + +"Life's a queer lottery, Mil, my girl. We know what we are, we know not +what we shall be, as old Billy says. Who'd ever have thought that a +nice, quiet girl like Milly, marrying the lad of her heart and all that, +would come to such awful grief; while look at me--a queer kind of girl +you'd have laid your bottom dollar wouldn't have much luck, prospering +like anything, well up in the Science business, and now, what's ever so +much better, scrumptiously happy with a good sort of her own. Upon my +word, Mil, I've half a mind to fetch old M. back to sympathize with me, +for although you've said a peck of nice things, I don't believe you +understand what I'm feeling the way the old girl would." + +Mildred went a little pale and spoke quickly. + +"You won't do that really, Tims? You won't be so cruel to--to every +one?" + +"I don't know. I don't see why you're always to be jolly and have +everything your own way. Oh, Lord! When I think how happy old M. was +when she was engaged, the same as I am, and then on her +wedding-day--just the same as I shall be on mine." + +Mildred straightened out the frill of a muslin cushion cover, her head +bent. + +"Just so. She had everything _her_ own way that time. I gave her that +happiness, it was all my doing. She's had it and she ought to be +content. Don't be a fool, Tims--" she lifted her face and Tims was +startled by its expression--"Can't you see how hard it is on me never to +be allowed the happiness you've got and Milly's had? Don't you think I +might care to know what love is like for myself? Don't you think I might +happen to want--I tell you I'm a million times more alive than +Milly--and I want--I want everything a million times more than she +does." + +Tims was astonished. + +"But it's always struck me, don't you know, that Ian was a deal more in +love with you than he ever was with poor old M." + +"And you pretend to be in love and think that's enough! It's not enough; +you must know it's not. It's like sitting at a Barmecide feast, very +hungry, only the Barmecide's sitting opposite you eating all the time +and talking about his food. I tell you it's maddening, perfectly +maddening--" There was a fierce vehemence in her face, her voice, the +clinch of her slender hands on the muslin frill. That strong vitality +which before had seemed to carry her lightly as on wings, over all the +rough places of life, had now not failed, but turned itself inwards, +burning in an intense flame at once of pain and of rebellion against its +own pain. + +Tims in the midst of her happiness, felt vaguely scared. Mildred seeing +it, recovered herself and plunged into the usual engagement talk. In a +few minutes she was her old beguiling self--the self to whose charm Tims +was as susceptible in her way as Thomas the Rhymer had been in his. + +When she had left, and from time to time thereafter, Tims felt vaguely +uncomfortable, remembering Mildred's outburst of vehement bitterness on +the subject of love. It was so unlike her usual careless tone, which +implied that it was men's business, or weakness, to be in love with +women, and that only second-rate women fell in love themselves. + +Mildred seemed altogether more serious than she used to be, and Milly +herself could not have been more sympathetic over the engagement. Even +Mr. Fitzalan, when Tims brought him to call on the Stewarts was not +afraid of her, and found it possible to say a few words in reply to her +remarks. Tims's ceremonious way of speaking of her betrothed, whom she +never mentioned except as Mr. Fitzalan, made Ian reflect with sad humor +on the number of offensively familiar forms of address which he himself +had endured from her, and on the melancholy certainty that she had never +spoken of him in his absence by any name more respectful than the plain +unprefixed "Stewart." But he hoped that the excitement of her engagement +had wiped out of her remembrance that afternoon when poor Milly had +tried to return. For he did not like to think of that moment of weakness +in which he had allowed Tims to divine so much of a state of mind which +he could not unveil even to himself without a certain shame. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIX + + +The summer was reaching its height. The weather was perfect. Night after +night hot London drawing-rooms were crowded to suffocation, awnings +sprang mushroom-like from every West End pavement; the sound of music +and the rolling of carriages made night, if not hideous, at least +discordant to the unconsidered minority who went to bed as usual. +Outside in the country, even in the suburbs, June came in glory, with +woods in freshest livery of green, with fragrance of hawthorn and broom +and gorse, buttercup meadows and gardens brimmed with roses. It seemed +to George Goring and Mildred as though somehow this warmth, this gayety +and richness of life in the earth had never been there before, but that +Fate and Nature, of which their love was part, were leading them on in a +great festal train to the inevitable consummation. The flame of life had +never burned clearer or more steadily in Mildred, and every day she felt +a growing confidence in having won so complete a possession of her whole +bodily machinery that it would hardly be in the power of Milly to +dethrone her. The sight of George Goring, the touch of his hand, the +very touch of his garment, gave her a feeling of unconquerable life. It +was impossible that she and George should part. All her sanguine and +daring nature cried out to her that were she once his, Milly should not, +could not, return. Tims, too, was there in reserve. Not that Tims would +feel anything but horror at Mildred's conduct in leaving Ian and Tony; +but the thing done, she would recognize the impossibility of allowing +Milly to return to such a situation. + +Ian, whose holidays were usually at the inevitable periods, was by some +extraordinary collapse of that bloated thing, the Academic conscience, +going away for a fortnight in June. He had been deputed to attend a +centenary celebration at some German University, and a conference of +savants to be held immediately after it, presented irresistible +attractions. + +One Sunday Tims and Mr. Fitzalan went to Hampton Court with the usual +crowd of German, Italian, and French hair-dressers, waiters, cooks, and +restaurant-keepers, besides native cockneys of all classes except the +upper. + +The noble old Palace welcomed this mass of very common humanity with +such a pageant of beauty as never greeted the eyes of its royal +builders. Centuries of sunshine seem to have melted into the rich reds +and grays and cream-color of its walls, under which runs a quarter of a +mile of flower-border, a glowing mass of color, yet as full of delicate +and varied detail as the border of an illuminated missal. Everywhere +this modern wealth and splendor of flowers is arranged, as jewels in a +setting, within the architectural plan of the old garden. There the dark +yews retain their intended proportion, the silver fountain rises where +it was meant to rise, although it sprinkles new, unthought-of lilies. +Behind it, on either side the stately vista of water, and beside it, in +the straight alley, the trees in the freshness and fulness of their +leafage, stand tall and green, less trim and solid it may be, but +essentially as they were meant to stand when the garden grew long ago in +the brain of a man. And out there beyond the terrace the Thames flows +quietly, silverly on, seeming to shine with the memory of all the +loveliness those gliding waters have reflected, since their ripples +played with the long, tremulous image of Lechlade spire. + +Seen from the cool, deep-windowed rooms of the Palace, where now the +pictures hang and hundreds of plebeian feet tramp daily, the gardens +gave forth a burning yet pleasant glow of heat and color in the full +sunshine. Tims and Mr. Fitzalan, having eaten their frugal lunch early +under the blossoming chestnut-trees in Bushey Park, went into the +Picture Gallery in the Palace at an hour when it happened to be almost +empty. The queer-looking woman not quite young, and the little, bald, +narrow-chested, short-sighted man, would not have struck the passers-by +as being a pair of lovers. A few sympathetic smiles, however, had been +bestowed upon another couple seated in the deep window of one of the +smaller rooms; a pretty young woman and an attractive man. The young man +had disposed his hat and a newspaper in such a way as not to make it +indecently obvious that he was holding her hand. It was she who called +attention to the fact by hasty attempts to snatch it away when people +came in. + +"What do you do that for?" asked the young man. "There's not the +slightest chance of any one we know coming along." + +"But George--" + +"Do try and adapt yourself to your _milieu_. These people are probably +blaming me for not putting my arm around your waist." + +"George! What an idiot you are!" She laughed a nervous laugh. + +By this time the last party of fat, dark young women in rainbow hats, +and narrow-shouldered, anaemic young men, had trooped away towards food. +Goring waited till the sound of their footsteps had ceased. He was +holding Mildred's hand, but he had drawn it out from under the newspaper +now, and the gay audacity of his look had changed to something at once +more serious and more masterful. + +"I don't like your seeming afraid, Mildred," he said. "It spoils my idea +of you. I like to think of you as a high-spirited creature, conscious +enough of your own worth to go your own way and despise the foolish +comments of the crowd." + +To hear herself so praised by him made the clear pink rise to Mildred's +cheeks. How could she bear to fall below the level of his expectation, +although the thing he expected of her had dangers of which he was +ignorant? + +"I'm glad you believe that of me," she said; "although it's not quite +true. I cared a good deal about the opinion of the world before--before +I knew you; only I was vain enough to think it would never treat me very +badly." + +"It won't," he replied, his audacious smile flashing out for a moment. +"It'll come sneaking back to you before long; it can't keep away. +Besides, I'm cynic enough to know my own advantages, Mildred. Society +doesn't sulk forever with wealthy people, whatever they choose to do." + +She answered low: "But I shouldn't care if it did, George. I want +you--just to go right away with you." + +A wonderful look of joy and tenderness came over his face. "Mildred! Can +it really be you saying that?" he breathed. "Really you, Mildred?" + +They looked each other in the eyes and were silent a minute; but while +the hand next the window held hers, the other one stole out farther to +clasp her. He was too much absorbed in that gaze to notice anything +beyond it; but Mildred was suddenly aware of steps and a voice in the +adjoining room. Tims and Mr. Fitzalan, in the course of a conscientious +survey of all the pictures on the walls, had reached this point in their +progress. The window-seat on which Goring and Mildred were sitting was +visible through a doorway, and Tims had on her strongest glasses. + +Since her engagement, Tims's old-maidish bringing up seemed to be +bearing fruit for the first time. + +"I think we'd better cough or do something," she said. "There's a couple +in there going on disgracefully. I do think spooning in public such bad +form." + +"I dare say they think they're alone," returned the charitable Mr. +Fitzalan, unable to see the delinquents because he was trying to put a +loose lens back into his eye-glasses. Tims came to his assistance, +talking loudly; and her voice was of a piercing quality. Mildred, +leaning forward, saw Mr. Fitzalan and Tims, both struggling with +eye-glasses. She slipped from George's encircling arm and stood in the +doorway of the farther room, beckoning to him with a scared face. He got +up and followed her. + +"What's the matter?" he asked, more curious than anxious; for an +encounter with Lady Augusta in person could only precipitate a crisis he +was ready to welcome. Why should one simple, definite step from an old +life to a new one, which his reason as much as his passion dictated, be +so incredibly difficult to take? + +Mildred hurried him away, explaining that she had seen some one she knew +very well. He pointed out that it was of no real consequence. She could +not tell him that if Tims suspected anything before the decisive step +was taken, one of the safeguards under which she took it might fail. + +They found no exit at the end of the suite of rooms, still less any +place of concealment. Tims and Mr. Fitzalan came upon them discussing +the genuineness of a picture in the last room but one. When Tims saw +that it was Mildred, she made some of the most dreadful grimaces she had +ever made in her life. Making them, she approached Mildred, who seeing +there was no escape, turned around and greeted her with a welcoming +smile. + +"Were you--were you sitting on that window-seat?" asked Tims, fixing her +with eyes that seemed bent on piercing to her very marrow. + +Mildred smiled again, with a broader smile. + +"I don't know about 'that window-seat.' I've sat on a good many +window-seats, naturally, since I set forth on this pilgrimage. Is there +anything particular about that one? I've never seen Hampton Court +before, Mr. Fitzalan, so as some people I knew were coming to-day, I +thought I'd come too. May I introduce Mr. Goring?" + +So perfectly natural and easy was Mildred's manner, that Tims already +half disbelieved her own eyes. They must have played her some trick; yet +how could that be? She recalled the figures in the window-seat, as seen +with all the peculiar, artificial distinctness conferred by strong +glasses. The young man called Goring had smiled into the hidden face of +his companion in a manner that Tims could not approve. She made up her +mind that as soon as she had leisure she would call on Mildred and +question her once more, and more straitly, concerning the mystery of +that window-seat. + + + + +CHAPTER XXX + + +On Monday and Tuesday an interesting experiment which she was conducting +under Carus claimed Tims's whole attention, except for the evening +hours, which were dedicated to Mr. Fitzalan. But she wrote to say that +Mildred might expect her to tea on Wednesday. On Wednesday the post +brought her a note from Mildred, dated Tuesday, midnight. + + "DEAR TIMS,--I am afraid you will not find me to-morrow + afternoon, as I am going out of town. But do go to tea with + Tony, who is just back from the sea and looking bonny. He is + such a darling! I always mind leaving him, although of + course I am not his mother. Oh, dear, I am so sleepy, I + hardly know what I am saying. Good-bye, Tims, dear. I am + very glad you are so happy with that nice Mr. Fitzalan of + yours. + + Yours, + + M. B. S." + +So far the note, although bearing signs of haste, was in Mildred's usual +clear handwriting; but there was a postscript scrawled crookedly across +the inner sides of the sheet and prefixed by several flourishes: + + "Meet me at Paddington 4.30 train to-morrow. Meet me. + M." + +Another flourish followed. + +The note found Tims at the laboratory, which she had not intended +leaving till half-past four. But the perplexing nature of the +postscript, conflicting as it did with the body of the letter, made her +the more inclined to obey its direction. + +She arrived at Paddington in good time and soon caught sight of Mildred, +although for the tenth part of a second she hesitated in identifying +her; for Mildred seldom wore black, although she looked well in it. +To-day she was dressed in a long, black silk wrap--which, gathered about +her slender figure by a ribbon, concealed her whole dress--and wore a +long, black lace veil which might have baffled the eyes of a mere +acquaintance. Tims could not fail to recognize that willowy figure, with +its rare grace of motion, that amber hair, those turquoise-blue eyes +that gleamed through the swathing veil with a restless brilliancy +unusual even in them. With disordered dress and hat on one side, Tims +hastened after Mildred. + +"So here you are!" she exclaimed; "that's all right! I managed to come, +you see, though it's been a bit of a rush." + +Mildred looked around at her, astonished, possibly dismayed; but the +veil acted as a mask. + +"Well, this is a surprise, Tims! What on earth brought you here? Is +anything the matter?" + +"Just what I wanted to know. Why are you in black? Going to a funeral?" + +"Good Heavens, no! The only funeral I mean to go to will be my own. But, +Tims, I thought you were going to tea with Tony. Why have you come +here?" + +"Didn't you tell me to come in the postscript of your letter?" + +Mildred was evidently puzzled. + +"I don't remember anything about it," she said. "I was frightfully tired +when I wrote to you--in fact, I went to sleep over the letter; but I +can't imagine how I came to say that." + +Tims was not altogether surprised. She had had an idea that Mildred was +not answerable for that postscript, but Mildred herself had no clew to +the mystery, never having been told of Milly's written communication of +a year ago. She sickened at the possibility that in some moment of +aberration she might have written words meant for another on the note to +Tims. + +Tims felt sure that Milly wished her to do something--but what? + +"Where are you going?" she asked. "What are you going to do?" + +"I'm going to stay with some friends who have a house on the river, and +I'm going to do--what people always do on the river. Any other questions +to ask, Tims?" + +"Yes. I should like to know who your friends are." + +Mildred laughed nervously. + +"You won't be any the wiser if I tell you." And in the instant she +reflected that what she said was true. "I am going to the Gorings'." + +The difference between that and the exact truth was only the difference +between the plural and the singular. + +"Don't go, old girl," said Tims, earnestly. "Come back to Tony with me +and wait till Ian comes home." + +Mildred was very pale behind the heavy black lace of her veil and her +heart beat hard; but she spoke with self-possession. + +"Don't be absurd, Tims. Tony is perfectly well, and there's Mr. Goring +who is to travel down with me. How can I possibly go back? You're +worrying about Milly, I suppose. Well, I'm rather nervous about her +myself. I always am when I go away alone. You don't mind my telling them +to wire for you if I sleep too long, do you? And you'd come as quick as +ever you could? Think how awkward it would be for Milly and for--for the +Gorings." + +"I'd come right enough," returned Tims, sombrely. "But if you feel like +that, don't go." + +"I don't feel like that," replied Mildred; "I never felt less like it, +or I shouldn't go. Still, one should be prepared for anything that may +happen. All the same, I very much doubt that you will ever see your poor +friend Milly again, Tims. You must try to forgive me. Now do make haste +and go to darling Tony--he's simply longing to have you. I see Mr. +Goring has taken our places in the train, and I shall be left behind if +I don't go. Good-bye, old Tims." + +Mildred kissed Tims's heated, care-distorted face, and turned away to +where Goring stood at the book-stall buying superfluous literature. Tims +saw him lift his hat gravely to Mildred. It relieved her vaguely to +notice that there seemed no warmth or familiarity about their greeting. +She turned away towards the Metropolitan Railway, not feeling quite sure +whether she had failed in an important mission or merely made a fool of +herself. + +She found Tony certainly looking bonny, and no more inclined to break +his heart about his mother's departure than any other healthy, happy +child under like circumstances. Indeed, it may be doubted whether a +healthy, happy child, unknowing whence its beatitudes spring, does not +in its deepest, most vital moment regard all grown-up people as +necessary nuisances. No one came so delightfully near being another +child as Mildred; but Tims was a capital playfellow too, a broad +comedian of the kind appreciated on the nursery boards. + +A rousing game with him and an evening at the theatre with Mr. Fitzalan, +distracted Tims's thoughts from her anxieties. But at night she dreamed +repeatedly and uneasily of Milly and Mildred as of two separate persons, +and of Mr. Goring, whose vivid face seen in the full light of the window +at Hampton Court, returned to her in sleep with a distinctness +unobtainable in her waking memory. + +On the following day her work with Sir James Carus was of absorbing +interest, and she came home tired and preoccupied with it. Yet her +dreams of the night before recurred in forms at once more confused and +more poignant. At two o'clock in the morning she awoke, crying aloud: "I +must get Milly back"; and her pillow was wet with tears. For the two +following hours she must have been awake, because she heard all the +quarters strike from a neighboring church-tower, yet they appeared like +a prolonged nightmare. The emotional impression of some forgotten dream +remained, and she passed them in an agony of grief for she knew not +what, of remorse for having on a certain summer afternoon denied Milly's +petition for her assistance, and of intense volition, resembling prayer, +for Milly's return. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXI + + +The intense heat of early afternoon quivered on the steep woods which +fell to the river opposite the house. The sunlit stream curved under +them, moving clear and quiet over depths of brown, tangled +water-growths, and along its fringe of gray and green reeds and grasses +and creamy plumes of meadow-sweet. The house was not very large. It was +square and white; an old wistaria, an old Gloire-de-Dijon, and a newer +carmine cluster-rose contended for possession of its surface. Striped +awnings were down over all the lower windows and some of the upper. A +large lawn, close-shorn and velvety green, as only Thames-side lawns can +be, stretched from the house to the river. It had no flower-beds on it, +but a cedar here, an ilex there, dark and substantial on their own dark +shadows, and trellises and pillars overrun by a flood of roses of every +shade, from deep crimson to snow white. The lawn was surrounded by +shrubberies and plantations, and beyond it there was nothing to be seen +except the opposite woods and the river, and sometimes boats passing by +with a measured sound of oars in the rowlocks, or the temporary +commotion of a little steam-launch. It looked a respectable early +Victorian house, but it had never been quite that, for it had been +built by George Goring's father fifty years earlier, and he himself had +spent much of his boyhood there. + +Everything and every one seemed asleep, except a young man in flannels +with a flapping hat hanging over his eyes, who stood at the end of a +punt and pretended to fish. There was no one to look at him or at the +house behind him, and if there had been observers, they would not have +guessed that they were looking at the Garden of Eden and that he was +Adam. Only last evening he and that fair Eve of his had stood by the +river in the moonlight, where the shattering hawthorn-bloom made the air +heavy with sweetness, and had spoken to each other of this their +exquisite, undreamed-of happiness. There had been a Before, there would +be an After, when they must stand on their defence against the world, +must resist a thousand importunities, heart-breaking prayers, to return +to the old, false, fruitless existence. + +But just for these days they could be utterly alone in their paradise, +undisturbed even by the thoughts of others, since no one knew they were +there and together. Alas! they had been so only forty-eight hours, and +already a cold little serpent of anxiety had crept in among their roses. + +Before entrusting herself to him, Mildred had told him that, in spite of +her apparent good health, she was occasionally subject to long +trance-like fits, resembling sleep; should this happen, it would be +useless to call an ordinary doctor, but that a Miss Timson, a well-known +scientific woman and a friend of hers, must be summoned at once. He had +taken Miss Timson's address and promised to do so; but Mildred had not +seemed to look upon the fit as more than a remote contingency. Perhaps +the excitement, the unconscious strain of the last few days had upset +her nerves; for this morning she had lain in what he had taken for a +natural sleep, until, finding her still sleeping profoundly at noon, he +had remembered her words and telegraphed to Miss Timson. An answer to +his telegram, saying that Miss Timson would come as soon as possible, +lay crumpled up at the bottom of the punt. + +The serpent was there, but Goring did not allow its peeping coils +thoroughly to chill his roses. His temperament was too sanguine, he felt +too completely steeped in happiness, the weather was too beautiful. Most +likely Mildred would be all right to-morrow. + +Meantime, up there in the shaded room, she who had been Mildred began to +stir in her sleep. She opened her eyes and gazed through the square +window, at the sunlit awning that overhung it, and at the green leaves +and pale buds of the Gloire-de-Dijon rose. There was a hum of bees close +by that seemed like the voice of the hot sunshine. It should have been a +pleasant awakening, but Milly awoke from that long sleep of hers with a +brooding sense of misfortune. The remembrance of the afternoon when she +had so suddenly been snatched away returned to her, but it was not the +revelation of Ian's passionate love for her supplanter that came back to +her as the thing of most importance. Surely she must have known that +long before, for now the pain seemed old and dulled from habit. It was +the terrible strength with which the Evil Spirit had possessed her, +seizing her channels of speech even while she was still there, hurling +her from her seat without waiting for the passivity of sleep. No, her +sense of misfortune was not altogether, or even mainly, connected with +that last day of hers. Unlike Mildred, she had up till now been without +any consciousness of things that had occurred during her quiescence, and +she had now no vision; only a strong impression that something terrible +had befallen Ian. + +She looked around the bedroom, and it seemed to her very strange; +something like an hotel room, yet at once too sumptuous and too shabby. +There was a faded pink flock wall-paper with a gilt pattern upon it, the +chairs were gilded and padded and covered with worn pink damask, the bed +was gilded and hung with faded pink silk curtains. Everywhere there was +pink and gilding, and everywhere it was old and faded and rubbed. A few +early Victorian lithographs hung on the walls, portraits of +ballet-dancers and noblemen with waists and whiskers. No one had tidied +the room since the night before, and fine underclothing was flung +carelessly about on chairs, a fussy petticoat here, the bodice of an +evening dress there; everywhere just that touch of mingled daintiness +and disorder which by this time Milly recognized only too well. + +The bed was large, and some one else had evidently slept there besides +herself, for the sheet and pillow were rumpled and there was a +half-burnt candle and a man's watch-chain on the small table beside it. +Wherever she was then, Ian was there too, so that she was at a loss to +understand her own sinister foreboding. + +She pulled at the bell-rope twice. + +There were only three servants in the house; a housekeeper and two +maids, who all dated from the days of Mrs. Maria Idle, ex-mistress of +the late Lord Ipswich, dead herself now some six months. The housekeeper +was asleep, the maids out of hearing. She opened the door and found a +bathroom opposite her bedroom. It had a window which showed her a strip +of lawn with flower-beds upon it, beyond that shrubberies and tall trees +which shut out any farther view. A hoarse cuckoo was crying in the +distance, and from the greenery came a twittering of birds and sometimes +a few liquid pipings; but there was no sound of human life. The place +seemed as empty as an enchanted palace in a fairy story. + +Milly's toilet never took her very long. She put on a fresh, simple +cotton dress, which seemed to have been worn the day before, and was +just hesitating as to whether she should go down or wait for Ian to +come, when Clarkson, the housekeeper, knocked at her door. + +"I thought if you was awake, madam, you might like a bit of lunch," she +said. + +Milly refused, for this horrible feeling of depression and anxiety made +her insensible to hunger. She looked at the housekeeper with a certain +surprise, for Clarkson was as decorated and as much the worse for wear +as the furniture of the bedroom. She was a large, fat woman, laced into +a brown cashmere dress, with a cameo brooch on her ample bosom; her hair +was unnaturally black, curled and dressed high on the top of her head, +she had big gold earrings, and a wealth of powder on her large, red +face. + +"Can you tell me where I am likely to find Mr. Stewart?" asked Milly, +politely. + +The woman stared, and when she answered there was more than a shade of +insolence in her coarse voice and smile. + +"I'm sure I can't tell, madam. Mr. Stewart's not our gentleman here." + +Milly, understanding the reply as little as the housekeeper had +understood the question, yet felt that some impertinence was intended +and turned away. + +There was nothing for it but to explore on her own account. A staircase +of the dull Victorian kind led down to a dark, cool hall. The front door +was open. She walked to it and stood under a stumpy portico, looking +out. The view was much the same as that seen from the bathroom, only +that instead of grass and flower-beds there was a gravel sweep, and, +just opposite the front door, a circle of grass with a tall +monkey-puzzle tree in the centre. Except for the faded gorgeousness of +the bedroom, the house looked like an ordinary country house, belonging +to old people who did not care to move with the times. Why should she +feel at every step a growing dread of what might meet her there? + +She turned from the portico and opened, hesitatingly, the door of a room +on the opposite side of the hall. It was a drawing-room, with traces of +the same shabby gorgeousness that prevailed in the bedroom, but +mitigated by a good deal of clean, faded chintz; and at one end was a +brilliant full-length Millais portrait of Mrs. Maria Idle in blue silk +and a crinoline. It was a long room, pleasant in the dim light; for +although it had three windows, the farthest a French one and open, all +were covered with awnings, coming low down and showing nothing of the +outer world but a hand's breadth of turf and wandering bits of creeper. +It was sweet with flowers, and on a consol table before a mirror stood a +high vase from which waved and twined tall sprays and long streamers of +cluster-roses, carmine and white. It was beautiful, yet Milly turned +away from it almost with a shudder. She recognized the touch of the hand +that must have set the roses there. And the nameless horror grew upon +her. + +Except for the flowers, there was little sign of occupation in the room. +A large round rosewood table was set with blue glass vases on mats and +some dozen photograph--albums and gift-books, dating from the sixties. +But on a stool in a corner lay a newspaper; and the date on it gave her +a shock. She had supposed herself to have been away about four months; +she found she had been gone sixteen. There had been plenty of time for a +misfortune to happen, and she felt convinced that it had happened. But +what? If Ian or Tony were dead she would surely still be in mourning. +Then on a little rosewood escritoire, such as ladies were wont to use +when they had nothing to write, she spied an old leather writing-case +with the initials M. B. F. upon it. It was one Aunt Beatrice had given +her when she first went to Ascham, and it seemed to look on her +pleasantly, like the face of an old friend. She found a few letters in +the pockets, among them one from Ian written from Berlin a few days +before, speaking of his speedy return and of Tony's amusing letter from +the sea-side. She began to hope her feeling of anxiety and depression +might be only the shadow of the fear and anguish which she had suffered +on that horrible afternoon sixteen months ago. She must try not to think +about it, must try to be bright for Ian's sake. Some one surely was with +her at this queer place, since she was sharing a room with another +person--probably a female friend of that Other's, who had such a crowd +of them. + +She drew the awning half-way up and stood on the step outside the French +window. The lawn, the trees, the opposite hills were unknown to her, but +the spirit of the river spoke to her familiarly, and she knew it for the +Thames. A gardener in shirt-sleeves was filling a water-barrel by the +river, under a hawthorn-tree, and the young man in the punt was putting +up his fishing-tackle. As she looked, the strangeness of the scene +passed away. She could not say where it was, but in some dream or vision +she had certainly seen this lawn, that view, before; when the young man +turned and came nearer she would know his face. And the dim, horrible +thing that was waiting for her somewhere about the quiet house, the +quiet garden, seemed to draw a step nearer, to lift its veil a little. +Who was it that had stood not far from where the gardener was standing +now, and seen the moon hanging large and golden over the mystery of the +opposite woods? Whoever it was, some one's arm had been fast around her +and there had been kisses--kisses. + +It took but a few seconds for these half-revelations to drop into her +mind, and before she had had time to reflect upon them, the young man in +the punt looked up and saw her standing there on the step. He took off +his floppy hat and waved it to her; then he put down his tackle, ran to +the near end of the punt and jumped lightly ashore. He came up the green +lawn, and her anxiety sent her down to meet him almost as eagerly as +love would have done. The hat shaded all the upper part of his face, and +at a distance, in the strong sunshine, the audacious chin, the red lower +lip, caught her eye first and seemed to extinguish the rest of the face. +And suddenly she disliked them. Who was the man, and how did she come to +know him? But former experiences of strange awakenings had made her +cautious, self-controlling, almost capable of hypocrisy. + +"So you're awake!" shouted George, still a long way down the lawn. +"Good! How are you? All right?" + +She nodded "Yes," with a constrained smile. + +In a minute they had met, he had turned her around, and with his arm +under hers was leading her towards the house again. + +"All right? Really all right?" he asked very softly, pressing her arm +with his hand and stooping his head to bring his mouth on a level with +her ear. + +"Very nearly, at any rate," she answered, coldly, trying to draw away +from him. + +"What are you doing that for?" he asked. "Afraid of shocking the +gardener, eh? What queer little dear little ways you've got! I suppose +Undines are like that." + +He drew her closer to him as he threw back his head and laughed a noisy +laugh that jarred upon her nerves. + +Milly began to feel indignant. It was just possible that a younger +sister in Australia might have married and brought this extraordinary +young man home to England, but his looks, his tone, were not fraternal; +and she had never forgotten the Maxwell Davison episode. She walked on +stiffly. + +"Every one seems to be out," she observed, as calmly as she could. + +He frowned. + +"You mean those devils of servants haven't been looking after you?" he +asked. "Yet I gave Clarkson her orders. Of course they're baggages, but +I haven't had the heart to send them away from the old place, for who on +earth would take them? I expect we aren't improving their chances, you +and I, at this very moment; in spite of respecting the gardener's +prejudices." + +He chuckled, as at some occult joke of his own. + +They stooped together under the half-raised awning of the French window, +and entered the dim, flower-scented drawing-room side by side. The young +man threw off his hat, and she saw the silky ripple of his nut-brown +hair, his smooth forehead, his bright-glancing hazel eyes, all the happy +pleasantness of his countenance. Before she had had time to reconsider +her dislike of him, he had caught her in his arms and kissed her hair +and face, whispering little words of love between the kisses. For one +paralyzed moment Milly suffered these dreadful words, these horrible +caresses. Then exerting the strength of frenzy, she pushed him from her +and bounded to the other side of the room, entrenching herself behind +the big rosewood table with its smug mats and vases and albums. + +"You brute! you brute! you hateful cad!" she stammered with trembling +lips; "how dare you touch me?" + +George Goring stared at her with startled eyes. + +"Mildred! Dearest! Good God! What's gone wrong?" + +"Where's my husband?" she asked, in a voice sharp with anger and terror. +"I want to go--I must leave this horrid place at once." + +"Your husband?" + +It was Goring's turn to feel himself plunged into the midst of a +nightmare, and he grew almost as pale as Milly. How in Heaven's name was +he going to manage her? She looked very ill and must of course be +delirious. That would have been alarming in any case, and this +particular form of delirium was excruciatingly painful. + +"Yes, my husband--where is he? I shall tell him how you've dared to +insult me. I must go. This is your house--I must leave it at once." + +Goring did not attempt to come near her. He spoke very quietly. + +"Try and remember, Mildred; Stewart is not here. He will not even be in +England till to-morrow. You are alone with me. Hadn't you better go to +bed again and--" he was about to say, "wait until Miss Timson comes," +but as it was possible that the advent of the person she had wished him +to summon might now irritate her, he substituted--"and keep quiet? I +promise not to come near you if you don't wish to see me." + +"I am alone here with you?" Milly repeated, slowly, and pressed her hand +to her forehead. "Good God," she moaned to herself, "what can have +happened?" + +"Yes. For Heaven's sake, go and lie down. I expect the doctor can give +you something to soothe your nerves and then perhaps you'll remember." + +She made a gesture of fierce impatience. + +"You think I'm mad, but I'm not. I have been mad and I am myself again; +only I can't remember anything that's happened since I went out of my +mind. I insist upon your telling me. Who are you? I never saw you before +to my knowledge." + +Her voice, her attitude were almost truculent as she faced him, her +right hand dragging at the loose clasp of a big photograph album. Every +word, every look, was agony to Goring, but he controlled himself by an +effort. + +"I am George Goring," he said, slowly, and paused with anxious eyes +fixed upon her, hoping that the name might yet stir some answering +string of tenderness in the broken lyre of her mind. + +She too paused, as though tracking some far-off association with the +name. Then: + +"Ah! poor Lady Augusta's husband," she repeated, yet sterner than before +in her anger. "My friend Lady Augusta's husband! And why am I here alone +with you, Mr. Goring?" + +"Because I am your lover, Mildred. Because I love you better than any +one or any thing in the world; and yesterday you thought you loved me, +you thought you could trust all your life to me." + +She had known the answer already in her heart, but the fact stated +plainly by another, became even more dreadful, more intolerable, than +before. She uttered a low cry and covered her eyes with her hand. + +"Mildred--dearest!" he breathed imploringly. + +Then she raised her head and looked straight at him with flaming eyes, +this fair, fragile creature transformed into a pitiless Fury. She forgot +that indeed an Evil Spirit had dwelt within her; George Goring might be +victim rather than culprit. In this hour of her anguish the identity of +that body of hers, which through him was defiled, that honor of hers, +yes and of Ian Stewart's, which through him was dragged in the dust, +made her no longer able to keep clearly in mind the separateness of the +Mildred Stewart of yesterday from herself. + +"I tell you I was mad," she gasped; "and you--you vile, wicked man!--you +took advantage of it to ruin my life--to ruin my husband's life! You +must know Ian Stewart, a man whose shoes you are not fit to tie. Do you +think any woman in her senses would leave him for you? Ah!--" she +breathed a long, shuddering breath and her hand was clinched so hard +upon the loose album clasp that it ran into her palm. + +"Mildred!" cried George, staggered, stricken as though by some fiery +rain. + +"I ought to be sorry for your wife," she went on. "She is a splendid +woman, she has done nothing to deserve that you should treat her so +scandalously. But I can't--I can't"--a dry sob caught her voice--"be +sorry for any one except myself and Ian. I always knew I wasn't good +enough to be his wife, but I was so proud of it--so proud--and now--Oh, +it's too horrible! I'm not fit to live." + +George had sunk upon a chair and hidden his face in his hands. + +"Don't say that," he muttered hoarsely, almost inaudibly. "It was my +doing." + +She broke out again. + +"Of course it was. It's nothing to you, I suppose. You've broken my +husband's heart and mine too; you've hopelessly disgraced us both and +spoiled our lives; and all for the sake of a little amusement, a little +low pleasure. We can't do anything, we can't punish you; but if curses +were any use, oh, how I could curse you, Mr. Goring!" + +The sobs rising in a storm choked her voice. She rushed from the room, +closing the door behind her and leaving George Goring there, his head on +his hands. He sat motionless, hearing nothing but the humming silence of +the hot afternoon. + +Milly, pressing back her tears, flew across the hall and up the stairs. +The vague nightmare thing that had lurked for her in the shadows of the +house, when she had descended them so quietly, had taken shape at last. +She knew now the unspeakable secret of the pink and gold bedroom, the +shabbily gorgeous bed, the posturing dancers, the simpering, tailored +noblemen. The atmosphere of it, scented and close, despite the open +window, seemed to take her by the throat. She dared not stop to think, +lest this sick despair, this loathing of herself, should master her. To +get home at once was her impulse, and she must do it before any one +could interfere. + +It was a matter of a few seconds to find a hat, gloves, a parasol. She +noticed a purse in the pocket of her dress and counted the money in it. +There was not much, but enough to take her home, since she felt sure the +river shimmering over there was the Thames. She did not stay to change +her thin shoes, but flitted down the stairs and out under the portico, +as silent as a ghost. The drive curved through a shrubbery, and in a +minute she was out of sight of the house. She hurried past the lodge, +hesitating in which direction to turn, when a tradesman's cart drove +past. She asked the young man who was driving it her way to the station, +and he told her it was not very far, but that she could not catch the +next train to town if she meant to walk. He was going in that direction +himself and would give her a lift if she liked. She accepted the young +man's offer; but if he made it in order to beguile the tedium of his +way, he was disappointed. + +The road was dusty and sunny, and this gave her a reason for opening her +large parasol. She cowered under it, hiding herself from the women who +rolled by in shiny carriages with high-stepping horses; not so much +because she feared she might meet acquaintances, as from an instinctive +desire to hide herself, a thing so shamed and everlastingly wretched, +from every human eye. And so it happened that, when she was close to the +station, she missed seeing and being seen by Tims, who was driving to +Mr. Goring's house in a hired trap which he had sent to meet her. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXII + + +Milly took a ticket for Paddington and hurried to the train, which was +waiting at the platform, choosing an empty compartment. Action had +temporarily dulled the passion of her misery, her rage, her shuddering +horror at herself. But alone in the train, it all returned upon her, +only with a complete realization of circumstance which made it worse. + +It had been her impulse to rush to her home, to her husband, as for +refuge. Now she perceived that there was no refuge for her, no comfort +in her despair, but rather another ordeal to be faced. She would have to +tell her husband the truth, so far as she knew it. Good God! Why could +she not shake off from her soul the degradation, the burning shame of +this fair flesh of hers, and return to him with some other body, however +homely, which should be hers and hers alone? She remembered that the man +she loathed had said that Ian would not be back in England until +to-morrow. She supposed the Evil Thing had counted on stealing home in +time to meet him, and would have met him with an innocently smiling +face. + +A moment Milly triumphed in the thought that it was she herself who +would meet Ian and reveal to him the treachery of the creature who had +supplanted her in his heart. Then with a shudder she hid her face, +remembering that it was, after all, her own dishonor and his which she +must reveal. He would of course take her back, and if that could be the +end, they might live down the thing together. But it would not be the +end. "I am the stronger," that Evil Thing had said, and it was the +stronger. At first step by step, now with swift advancing strides, it +was robbing her of the months, the years, till soon, very soon, while in +the world's eyes she seemed to live and thrive, she would be dead; dead, +without a monument, without a tear, her very soul not free and in God's +hands, but held somewhere in abeyance. And Ian? Through what +degradation, to what public shame would he, the most refined and +sensitive of men, be dragged! His child--her child and Ian's--would grow +up like that poor wretched George Goring, breathing corruption, lies, +dishonor, from his earliest years. And she, the wife, the mother, would +seem to be guilty of all that, while she was really bound, +helpless--dead. + +The passion of her anger and despair stormed through her veins again +with yet greater violence, but this time George Goring was forgotten and +all its waves broke impotently against that adversary whose diabolical +power she was so impotent to resist, who might return to-morrow, to-day +for aught she knew. + +She had been moving restlessly about the compartment, making vehement +gestures in her desperation, but now a sudden, terrible, yet calming +idea struck her to absolute quietness. There was a way, just one, to +thwart this adversary; she could destroy the body into which it thought +to return. At the same moment there arose in her soul two opposing waves +of emotion--one of passionate self-pity to think that she, so weak and +timid, should be driven to destroy herself; the other of triumph over +her mortal foe delivered into her hands. She felt a kind of triumph too +in the instantaneousness with which she was able to make up her mind +that this was the only thing to be done--she, usually so full of mental +and moral hesitation. Let it be done quickly--now, while the spur of +excitement pricked her on. The Thing seemed to have a knowledge of her +experiences which was not reciprocal. How it would laugh if it +recollected in its uncanny way, that she had wanted to kill herself and +it with her, that she had had it at her mercy and then had been too weak +and cowardly to strike! Should she buy some poison when she reached +Paddington? She knew nothing about poisons and their effects, except +that carbolic caused terrible agony, and laudanum was not to be trusted +unless you knew the dose. The train was slowing up and the lonely river +gleamed silverly below. It beckoned to her, the river, upon whose stream +she had spent so many young, happy days. + +She got out at the little station and walked away from it with a quick, +light step, as though hastening to keep some pleasurable appointment. +After all the years of weak, bewildered subjection, of defeat and +humiliation, her turn had come; she had found the answer to the Sphinx's +riddle, the way to victory. + +She knew the place where she found herself, for she had several times +made one of a party rowing down from Oxford to London. But it was not +one of the frequented parts of the river, being a quiet reach among +solitary meadows. She remembered that there was a shabby little house +standing by itself on the bank where boats could be hired, for they had +put in there once to replace an oar, having lost one down a weir in the +neighborhood. The weir had not been on the main stream, but they had +come upon it in exploring a backwater. It could not be far off. + +She walked quickly along the bank, turning over and over in her mind the +same thoughts; the cruel wrong which now for so many years she had +suffered, the final disgrace brought upon her and her husband, and she +braced her courage to strike the blow that should revenge all. The act +to which this fair-haired, once gentle woman was hurrying along the +lonely river-bank, was not in its essence suicide; it was revenge, it +was murder. + +When she came to the shabby little house where the boats lay under an +unlovely zinc-roofed shed, she wondered whether she might ask for ink +and paper and write to some one. She longed to send one little word to +Ian; but then what could she say? She could not have seen him and +concealed the truth from him, but it was one of the advantages of her +disappearance that he need never know the dishonor done him. And she +knew he considered suicide a cowardly act. He was quite wrong there. It +was an act of heroic courage to go out like this to meet death. It was +so lonely; even lonelier than death must always be. She had the +conviction that she was not doing wrong, but right. Hers was no common +case. And for the first time she saw that there might be a reason for +this doom which had befallen her. Men regard one sort of weakness as a +sin to be struggled against, another as something harmless, even +amiable, to be acquiesced in. But perhaps all weakness acquiesced in was +a sin in the eyes of Eternal Wisdom, was at any rate to be left to the +mercy of its own consequences. She looked back upon her life and saw +herself never exerting her own judgment, always following in some one +else's tracks, never fighting against her physical, mental, moral +timidity. It was no doubt this weakness of hers that had laid her open +to the mysterious curse which she was now, by a supreme effort of +independent judgment and physical courage, resolved to throw off. + +A stupid-looking man in a dirty cotton shirt got out the small boat she +chose; stared a minute in surprise to see the style in which she, an +Oxford girl born and bred, handled the sculls, and then went in again to +continue sleeping off a pint of beer. + +She pulled on mechanically, with a long, regular stroke, and one by one +scenes, happy river-scenes out of past years, came back to her with +wonderful vividness. Looking about her she saw an osier-bed dividing +the stream, and beside it the opening into the willow-shaded backwater +which she remembered. She turned the boat's head into it. Heavy clouds +had rolled up and covered the sky, and there was a kind of twilight +between the dark water and the netted boughs overhead. Very soon she +heard the noise of a weir. Once such a sound had been pleasant in her +ears; but now it turned her cold with fear. On one side the backwater +flowed sluggishly on around the osier-bed; on the other it hurried +smoothly, silently away, to broaden suddenly before it swept in white +foam over an open weir into a deep pool below. She trembled violently +and the oars moved feebly in her hands, chill for all the warmth of the +afternoon. Her boat was in the stream which led to the weir, but not yet +fully caught by the current. A few more strokes and the thing would be +done, she would be carried quickly on and over that dancing, sparkling +edge into the deep pool below. Her courage failed, could not be screwed +to the sticking-point; she hung on the oars, and the boat, as if +answering to her thought, stopped, swung half around. As she held the +boat with the oars and closed her eyes in an anguish of hesitation and +terror, a strange convulsion shook her, such as she had felt once +before, and a low cry, not her own, broke from her lips. + +"No--no!" they uttered, hoarsely. + +The Thing was there then, awake to its danger, and in another moment +might snatch her from herself, return laughing at her cowardice, to that +house by the river. She pressed her lips hard together, and silently, +with all the strength of her hate and of her love, bent to the oars. The +little boat shot forward into mid-stream, the current seized it and +swept it rapidly on towards the dancing edge of water. She dropped the +sculls and a hoarse shriek broke from her lips; but it was not she who +shrieked, for in her heart was no fear, but triumph--triumph as of one +who is at length avenged of her mortal enemy. + + * * * * * + +In the darkened drawing-room, the room so full of traces of all that had +been exquisite in Mildred Stewart, Ian mourned alone. Presently the door +opened a little, and a tall, slender, childish figure in a white smock, +slipped in and closed it gently behind him. Tony stole up to his father +and stood between his knees. He looked at Ian, silent, pale, large-eyed. +That a grown-up person and a man should shed tears was strange, even +portentous, to him. + +"Won't Mummy come back, not ever?" asked the child at last, piteously, +in a half whisper. + +"No, never, Tony; Mummy won't ever come back. She's gone--gone for +always." + +The child looked in his father's eyes strangely, penetratingly. + +"Which Mummy?" he asked. + + +THE END + + * * * * * + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Invader, by Margaret L. 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