diff options
| author | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 02:39:00 -0700 |
|---|---|---|
| committer | Roger Frank <rfrank@pglaf.org> | 2025-10-15 02:39:00 -0700 |
| commit | 0b2005eff7f75221e23b28425bb37d2dce966625 (patch) | |
| tree | 9ad9ca5c416d4afbc3c01fafc4721e0a3cb32e8c | |
| -rw-r--r-- | .gitattributes | 3 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-h.zip | bin | 0 -> 236800 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-h/28635-h.htm | 4405 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-h/images/cover.jpg | bin | 0 -> 139668 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/f0001-image1.png | bin | 0 -> 4405270 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/f0001.png | bin | 0 -> 18872 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0313.png | bin | 0 -> 79699 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0314.png | bin | 0 -> 100916 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0315.png | bin | 0 -> 86305 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0316.png | bin | 0 -> 100018 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0317.png | bin | 0 -> 95713 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0318.png | bin | 0 -> 94493 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0319.png | bin | 0 -> 88574 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0320.png | bin | 0 -> 100919 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0321.png | bin | 0 -> 101936 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0322.png | bin | 0 -> 98179 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0323.png | bin | 0 -> 97701 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0324.png | bin | 0 -> 97214 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0325.png | bin | 0 -> 82976 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0326.png | bin | 0 -> 96352 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0327.png | bin | 0 -> 98048 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0328.png | bin | 0 -> 97222 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0329.png | bin | 0 -> 94096 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0330.png | bin | 0 -> 91945 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0331.png | bin | 0 -> 89431 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0332.png | bin | 0 -> 93935 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0333.png | bin | 0 -> 94526 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0334.png | bin | 0 -> 89631 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0335.png | bin | 0 -> 86872 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0336.png | bin | 0 -> 92392 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0337.png | bin | 0 -> 95893 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0338.png | bin | 0 -> 95955 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0339.png | bin | 0 -> 81307 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0340.png | bin | 0 -> 98840 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0341.png | bin | 0 -> 85421 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0342.png | bin | 0 -> 91502 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0343.png | bin | 0 -> 91892 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0344.png | bin | 0 -> 81065 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0345.png | bin | 0 -> 95237 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0346.png | bin | 0 -> 100186 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0347.png | bin | 0 -> 99704 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0348.png | bin | 0 -> 83925 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0349.png | bin | 0 -> 83246 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0350.png | bin | 0 -> 81481 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0351.png | bin | 0 -> 79346 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0352.png | bin | 0 -> 80820 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0353.png | bin | 0 -> 84261 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0354.png | bin | 0 -> 85185 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0355.png | bin | 0 -> 97417 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0356.png | bin | 0 -> 92583 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0357.png | bin | 0 -> 86082 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0358.png | bin | 0 -> 91826 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0359.png | bin | 0 -> 80898 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0360.png | bin | 0 -> 92566 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0361.png | bin | 0 -> 82798 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0362.png | bin | 0 -> 86325 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0363.png | bin | 0 -> 77963 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0364.png | bin | 0 -> 88500 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0365.png | bin | 0 -> 91537 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0366.png | bin | 0 -> 81362 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0367.png | bin | 0 -> 90471 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0368.png | bin | 0 -> 95423 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0369.png | bin | 0 -> 82971 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0370.png | bin | 0 -> 99064 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0371.png | bin | 0 -> 85795 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0372.png | bin | 0 -> 97120 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0373.png | bin | 0 -> 95476 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0374.png | bin | 0 -> 78424 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0375.png | bin | 0 -> 97534 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0376.png | bin | 0 -> 87323 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0377.png | bin | 0 -> 83391 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635-page-images/p0378.png | bin | 0 -> 86219 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635.txt | 4309 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | 28635.zip | bin | 0 -> 92106 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | LICENSE.txt | 11 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | README.md | 2 |
76 files changed, 8730 insertions, 0 deletions
diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/28635-h.zip b/28635-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..1966ddc --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-h.zip diff --git a/28635-h/28635-h.htm b/28635-h/28635-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..c9bf0b8 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-h/28635-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,4405 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=ISO-8859-1" /> +<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of My Life: or the Adventures of Geo. Thompson, by George Thompson</title> + <style type="text/css"> + + p { margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + p.author {text-align: right;} + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; + } + hr { width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; + } + + body{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + + .blockquot{margin-left: 5%; margin-right: 10%;} + + .center {text-align: center;} + + .caption {font-weight: bold;} + + .figcenter {margin: auto; text-align: center;} + + .tnote {margin: 2em 5% 1em 5%; font-size: 90%; padding: 0.5em 1em 0.5em 1em; + border: solid 1px silver; margin-left: 20%; margin-right: 20%;} + + .footnotes {border: dashed 1px;} + + .poem {margin-left:10%; margin-right:10%; text-align: left;} + .poem br {display: none;} + .poem .stanza {margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em;} + .poem span.i0 {display: block; margin-left: 0em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem span.i2 {display: block; margin-left: 2em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem span.i10 {display: block; margin-left: 10em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + .poem span.i8 {display: block; margin-left: 8em; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em;} + + hr.full { width: 100%; + margin-top: 3em; + margin-bottom: 0em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + height: 4px; + border-width: 4px 0 0 0; /* remove all borders except the top one */ + border-style: solid; + border-color: #000000; + clear: both; } + pre {font-size: 85%;} + </style> +</head> +<body> +<h1>The Project Gutenberg eBook, My Life: or the Adventures of Geo. Thompson, +by George Thompson</h1> +<pre> +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at <a href = "http://www.gutenberg.org">www.gutenberg.org</a></pre> +<p>Title: My Life: or the Adventures of Geo. Thompson</p> +<p> Being the Auto-Biography of an Author. Written by Himself.</p> +<p>Author: George Thompson</p> +<p>Release Date: April 29, 2009 [eBook #28635]</p> +<p>Language: English</p> +<p>Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1</p> +<p>***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MY LIFE: OR THE ADVENTURES OF GEO. THOMPSON***</p> +<p> </p> +<h3>E-text prepared by Matt Whittaker, Suzanne Shell,<br /> + and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team<br /> + (http://www.pgdp.net)</h3> +<p> </p> +<div class="tnote"> +<p>Transcriber's Note:<br /> +<br /> +Obvious typographical errors were corrected and the use of hyphens +was made consistent throughout. All other spelling and punctuation +was retained as it appeared in the original text.</p> +</div> +<p> </p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> + + + + +<h1>MY LIFE:</h1> + +<h4>OR</h4> + + +<h2>THE ADVENTURES OF GEO. THOMPSON. +BEING THE AUTO-BIOGRAPHY OF AN +AUTHOR. WRITTEN BY HIMSELF.</h2> + +<div class="poem"> <div class="stanza"> +<span class="i8">Why rove in <i>Fiction's</i> shadowy land,</span> +<span class="i10">And seek for treasures there,</span> +<span class="i8">When <i>Truth's</i> domain, so near at hand,</span> +<span class="i10">Is filled with things most rare—</span> +<span class="i8">When every day brings something new,</span> +<span class="i8">Some great, stupendous change,</span> +<span class="i8">Something exciting, wild and <i>true</i>,</span> +<span class="i8">Most wonderful and strange!</span> +</div> </div> +<p class="author">[ORIGINAL.]</p> + + + +<h5>{First published 1854}</h5> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/cover.jpg" width="500" height="774" alt="" title="" /> +<span class="caption">Yellow Cover of Thompson's My Life. Original size 6 x +9-<sup>1</sup>/<sub>8</sub>". Courtesy, American Antiquarian Society.</span> +</div> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="INTRODUCTION" id="INTRODUCTION"></a>INTRODUCTION</h2> + +<h4><i>In which the author defineth his position.</i></h4> + + +<p>It having become the fashion of distinguished novelists to write their +own lives—or, in other words, to blow their own trumpets,—the author +of these pages is induced, at the solicitation of numerous friends, +whose bumps of inquisitiveness are strongly developed, to present his +auto-biography to the public—in so doing which, he but follows the +example of Alexandre Dumas, the brilliant French novelist, and of the +world-renowned Dickens, both of whom are understood to be preparing +their personal histories for the press.</p> + +<p>Now, in comparing myself with the above great worthies, who are so +deservedly distinguished in the world of literature, I shall be accused +of unpardonable presumption and ridiculous egotism—but I care not what +may be said of me, inasmuch as a total independence of the opinions, +feelings and prejudices of the world, has always been a prominent +characteristic of mine—and that portion of the world and the "rest of +mankind" which does not like me, has my full permission to go to the +devil as soon as it can make all the necessary arrangements for the +journey.</p> + +<p>I shall be true and candid, in these pages. I shall not seek to conceal +one of my numerous faults which I acknowledge and deplore; and, if I +imagine that I possess one solitary merit, I shall not be backward in +making that merit known. Those who know me personally, will never accuse +me of entertaining one single atom of that despicable quality, +self-conceit; those who do not know me, are at liberty to think what +they please.—Heaven knows that had I possessed a higher estimation of +myself, a more complete reliance upon my own powers, and some of that +universal commodity known as "cheek," I should at this present moment +have been far better off in fame and fortune. But I have been +unobtrusive, unambitious, retiring—and my friends have blamed me for +this a thousand times. I have seen writers of no talent at all—petty +scribblers, wasters of ink and spoilers of paper, who could not write +six consecutive lines of English grammar, and whose short paragraphs for +the newspapers invariably had to undergo revision and correction—I have +seen such fellows causing themselves to be invited to public banquets +and other festivals, and forcing their unwelcome presence into the +society of the most distinguished men of the day.</p> + +<p>I have spoken of my friends—now a word or two in regard to my enemies. +Like most men who have figured before the public, in whatever capacity, +I have secured the hatred of many persons, who, jealous of my humble +fame, have lost no opportunity of spitting out their malice and opposing +my progress. The friendship of such persons is a misfortune—their +enmity is a blessing.</p> + +<p>I assure them that their hatred will never cause me to lose a fraction +of my appetite, or my nightly rest. They may consider themselves very +fortunate, if, in the following pages, they do not find themselves +immortalized by my notice, although they are certainly unworthy of so +great a distinction. I enjoy the friendship of men of letters, and am +therefore not to be put down by the opposition of a parcel of senseless +blockheads, without brain, or heart, or soul.</p> + +<p>I shall doubtless find it necessary to make allusions to local places, +persons, incidents, &c. Those will add greatly to the interest of the +narrative. Many portraits will be readily recognized, especially those +whose originals reside in Boston, where the greater portion of my +literary career has been passed.</p> + +<p><i>The life of an author</i>, must necessarily be one of peculiar and +absorbing interest, for he dwells in a world of his own creation, and +his tastes, habits, and feelings are different from those of other +people. How little is he understood—how imperfectly is he appreciated, +by a cold, unsympathising world! his eccentricities are ridiculed—his +excesses are condemned by unthinking persons, who cannot comprehend the +fact that a writer, whose mind is weary, naturally longs for physical +excitement of some kind of other, and too often seeks for a temporary +mental oblivion in the intoxicating bowl. Under any and every +circumstance, the author is certainly deserving of some degree of +charitable consideration, because he labors hard for the public +entertainment, and draws heavily on the treasures of his imagination, in +order to supply the continual demands of the reading community. When the +author has led a life of stirring adventure, his history becomes one of +extraordinary and thrilling interest. I flatter myself that this +narrative will be found worthy of the reader's perusal.</p> + +<p>And now a few words concerning my personal identity. Many have insanely +supposed me to be George Thompson, the celebrated English abolitionist +and member of the British Parliament, but such cannot be the case, that +individual having returned to his own country. Again—others have taken +me for George Thompson, the pugilist; but by far the greater part of the +performers in this interesting "Comedy of Errors" have imagined me to be +no less a personage than the celebrated "<i>One-eyed Thompson</i>," and they +long continued in this belief, even after that talented but most +unfortunate man had committed suicide in New York, and in spite of the +fact that his name was William H., and not George. Two circumstances, +however, seemed to justify the belief before the man's death:—he, like +myself, had the great misfortune to be deprived of an eye. How the +misfortune happened to <i>me</i>, I shall relate in the proper place. I have +written many works of fiction, but I have passed through adventures +quite as extraordinary as any which I have drawn from the imagination.</p> + +<p>In order to establish my claim to the title of "author," I will +enumerate a few of the works which I have written:—</p> + +<p>Gay Girls of New York, Dissipation, The Housekeeper, Venus in Boston, +Jack Harold, Criminal, Outlaw, Road to Ruin, Brazen Star, Kate +Castleton, Redcliff, The Libertine, City Crimes, The Gay Deceiver, Twin +Brothers, Demon of Gold, Dashington, Lady's Garter, Harry Glindon, +Catharine and Clara.</p> + +<p>In addition to these works—which have all met with a rapid sale and +most extensive circulation—I have written a sufficient quantity of +tales, sketches, poetry, essays and other literary stock of every +description, to constitute half a dozen cart loads. My adventures, +however, and not my productions must employ my pen; and begging the +reader's pardon for this rather lengthy, but very necessary, +introduction, I begin my task.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_I" id="CHAPTER_I"></a>CHAPTER I</h2> + +<h4><i>In which I begin to Acquire a Knowledge of the World.</i></h4> + + +<p>I have always thought, and still think, that it matters very little +where or when a man is born—it is sufficient for him to know that he is +<i>here</i>, and that he had better adapt himself, as far as possible, to the +circumstances by which he is surrounded, provided that he wishes to +toddle through the world with comfort and credit to himself and to the +approbation of others. But still, in order to please all classes of +readers, I will state that some thirty years ago a young stranger +struggled into existence in the city of New York; and I will just merely +hint that the twenty-eighth day of August, in the year of our Lord one +thousand eight hundred and twenty-three, should be inserted in the next +(comic) almanac as having been the birth-day of a great man—for when an +individual attains a bodily weight of two hundred pounds and over, may +he not be styled <i>great</i>?</p> + +<p>My parents were certainly respectable people, but they both +inconsiderately died at a very early period of my life, leaving me a few +hundred dollars and a thickheaded uncle, to whom was attached an +objectionable aunt, the proprietress of a long nose and a shrewish +temper. The nose was adapted to the consumption of snuff, and the temper +was effective in the destruction of my happiness and peace of mind. The +worthy couple, with a prophetic eye, saw that I was destined to become, +in future years, somewhat of a <i>gourmand</i>, unless care should be taken +to prevent such a melancholy fate; therefore, actuated by the best +motives, and in order to teach me the luxury of abstinence, they began +by slow but sure degrees to starve me. Good people, how I reverence +their memory!</p> + +<p>One night I committed burglary upon a closet, and feloniously carried +off a chunk of bread and meat, which I devoured in the cellar.</p> + +<p>"Oh, my prophetic soul—<i>my uncle</i>!" That excellent man caught me in the +act of eating the provender, and—my bones ache at this very moment as I +think of the licking I got! I forgot to mention that I had a rather +insignificant brother, four years older than myself, who became my +uncle's apprentice, and who joined that gentleman in his persecutions +against me. My kind relatives were rather blissful people in the way of +ignorance, and they hated me because they imagined that I regarded +myself as their superior—a belief that was founded on the fact that I +shunned their society and passed the greater portion of my time in +reading and writing.</p> + +<p>I lived at that time in Thomas street, very near the famous brothel of +Rosina Townsend, in whose house that dreadful murder was committed +which the New York public will still remember with a thrill of horror. I +allude to the murder of the celebrated courtezan Ellen Jewett. Her +lover, Richard P. Robinson, was tried and acquitted of the murder, +through the eloquence of his talented counsel, Ogden Hoffman, Esq. The +facts of the case are briefly these:—Robinson was a clerk in a +wholesale store, and was the paramour of Ellen, who was strongly +attached to him. Often have I seen them walking together, both dressed +in the height of fashion, the beautiful Ellen leaning upon the arm of +the dashing Dick, while their elegant appearance attracted universal +attention and admiration. But all this soon came to a bloody +termination. Dick was engaged to be married to a young lady of the +highest respectability, the heiress of wealth and the possessor of +surpassing loveliness. He informed Ellen that his connection with her +must cease in consequence of his matrimonial arrangements, whereupon +Ellen threatened to expose him to his "intended" if he abandoned her. +Embarrassed by the critical nature of his situation, Dick, then, in an +evil hour, resolved to kill the courtezan who threatened to destroy his +anticipated happiness. One Saturday night he visited her as usual; and +after a splendid supper, they returned to her chamber. Upon that +occasion, as was afterwards proved on the trial, Dick wore an ample +cloak, and several persons noticed that he seemed to have something +concealed beneath it. His manner towards Ellen and also his words, were +that night unusually caressing and affectionate. What passed in that +chamber, and who perpetrated that murder the Almighty knows—<i>and, +perhaps, Dick Robinson, if he is still alive, also knows</i>!<a href="#A">[A]</a><a name="A_base" id="A_base"></a> The next +morning (Sunday,) at a very early hour, smoke was seen to proceed from +Ellen's chamber, and the curtains of her bed were found to have been set +on fire. The flames were with difficulty extinguished, and there in the +half consumed bed, was found the mangled corpse of Ellen Jewett, having +on the side of her head an awful wound, which had evidently been +inflicted by a hatchet. Dick Robinson was nowhere to be found, but in +the garden, near a fence, were discovered his cloak and a bloody +hatchet. With many others, I entered the room in which lay the body of +Ellen, and never shall I forget the horrid spectacle that met my gaze! +There, upon that couch of sin, which had been scathed by fire, lay +blackened the half-burned remains of a once-beautiful woman, whose head +exhibited the dreadful wound which had caused her death. It had plainly +been the murderer's intention to burn down the house in order to destroy +the ghastly evidence of his crime; but fate ordained that the fire +should be discovered and extinguished before the <i>fatal wound</i> became +obliterated. Robinson, as I said before, was tried and pronounced +guiltless of the crime, through the ingenuity of his counsel, who termed +him an "<i>innocent boy</i>." The public, however, firmly believed in his +guilt; and the question arises—"If Dick Robinson did not kill Ellen +Jewett, <i>who did</i>?" I do not believe that ever before was presented so +shameful an instance of perverted justice, or so striking an +illustration of the "glorious uncertainty of the law." It is rather +singular that Furlong, a grocer, who swore to an <i>alibi</i> in favor of +Robinson, and who was the chief instrument employed to effect the +acquittal of that young man, some time afterwards committed suicide by +drowning, having first declared that his conscience reproached him for +the part which he played at the trial!</p> + +<p>The Sabbath upon which this murder was brought to light was a dark, +stormy day, and I have reason to remember it well, for, in the +afternoon, that good old pilgrim—my uncle, of course,—discovered that +I had played truant from Sunday School in the morning, and for that +atrocious crime, he, in his holy zeal for my spiritual and temporal +welfare, resolved to bestow upon me a wholesome and severe flogging, +being aided and abetted in the formation of that laudable resolution by +my religious aunt and my sanctimonious brother, the latter of whom had +turned <i>informer</i> against me. Sweet relatives? how I love to think of +them—and never do I fail to remember them in my prayers. Well, I was +lugged up into the garret, which was intended to be the scene of my +punishment. If I recollect rightly, I was then about twelve years of +age, and rather a stout youth considering my years. I determined to +rebel against the authority of my beloved kindred, assert my +independence, and defend myself to the best of my ability. "I have +suffered enough;" said I to myself, "and now I'm <i>going in</i>."</p> + +<p>"Sabbath-breaker, strip off your jacket," mildly remarked by dear uncle +as he savagely flourished a cowhide of most formidable aspect and +alarming suppleness.</p> + +<p>My reply was brief, but expressive:</p> + +<p>"I'll see you d——d first," said I.</p> + +<p>My uncle turned pale, my aunt screamed, and my brother rolled up the +white of his eyes and groaned.</p> + +<p>"What, what did you say?" demanded my uncle, who could not believe the +evidence of his own senses, for up to that moment I had always tamely +submitted to the good man's amiable treatment of me, and he found it +impossible to imagine that I was capable of resisting him. Well, if +there ever <i>was</i> an angel on earth, that uncle of mine was that +particular angel. Saints in general are provided with pinched noses, +green eyes, and voices like unto the wailings of a small pig, which is +suffering the agonies of death beneath a cart-wheel. And, if there ever +was a cherub, my brother <i>was</i> certainly that individual cherub, +although, in truth, my pious recollections do not furnish me with the +statement that cherubs are remarkable for swelled heads and bandy legs.</p> + +<p>"I say," was my reply to my uncle's astonished inquiry, "that I ain't +going to stand any more abuse and beatings. I've stood bad treatment +long enough from the whole pack of you. I'm almost starved, and I'm +kicked about like a dog. Let any of you three tyrants touch me, and I'll +show you what is to get desperate. I disown you all as relatives, and +hereafter I'm going to live where I please, and do as I please."</p> + +<p>Furious with rage, my sweet-tempered uncle raised the cowhide and with +it struck me across the face. I immediately pitched into that portion of +his person where he was accustomed to stow away his Sabbath beans, and +the excellent man fell head over heels down the garret stairs, landing +securely at the bottom and failing to pick himself up, for the simple +reason that he had broken his leg. What a pity it would have been, and +what a loss society would have sustained, if, instead of his leg, the +holy man had broken his <i>neck</i>!</p> + +<p>My dear brother, accompanied by my affectionate aunt, now choked me, but +I was not to be conquered just then, for "thrice is he armed who hath +his quarrel just." The lady I landed in a tub of impure water that +happened to be standing near; and she presented quite an interesting +appearance, kicking up her heels and squalling like a cat in +difficulties. My other assailant I hurled into a heap of ashes, and the +way he blubbered was a caution to a Nantucket whaleman. Rushing down the +stairs, I passed over the prostrate form of my crippled uncle, who +requested me to come back, so that he might kick me with his serviceable +foot; but, brute that I was, I disregarded him—requested him to go to a +place which shall be nameless—and then left the house as expeditiously +as possible, fully determined never to return, whatever might be the +consequences.</p> + +<p>"I am now old enough, and big enough," I mentally reflected, "to take +care of myself; and to-morrow I'll look for work, and try to get a +chance to learn a trade. Where shall I sleep to-night? It's easy enough +to ask that question, but deuced hard to answer it. I wish to-day wasn't +Sunday!"</p> + +<p>Rather an impious wish, but quite natural under the circumstances. I +felt in my pockets, to see if I was the proprietor of any loose change; +my search was magnificently successful, for I discovered that I had a +sixpence!</p> + +<p>Yes, reader, a new silver sixpence, that glittered in my hand like a +bright star of hope, urging me on to enterprise—to exertions. So +fearful was I of losing the precious coin, that I continued to grasp it +tightly in my hand. I never had been allowed any pocket money, even on +the Fourth of July; and this large sum had come into my possession +through the munificence of a neighbor, as a reward for performing an +errand.</p> + +<p>Not knowing where else to go, I went down on the Battery, and sheltered +myself under a tree from the rain, which fell in torrents. Rather an +interesting situation for a youth of twelve—homeless, friendless, +almost penniless! I was wet through to the skin, and as night came on, I +became desperately hungry, for I had eaten no dinner that day, and even +my breakfast had been of the <i>phantom</i> order—something like the +pasteboard meals which are displayed upon the stage of the theatre. +However, I did not despair, for I was young and active, full of the hope +so natural to a youth ere rough contact with the world has crushed his +spirit. I was well aware of the fact that I was no fool, although I had +often been called one by my hostile and unappreciating relatives, whose +opinions I had ever held in most supreme contempt. As I stood under that +tree to shelter myself from the rain, I felt quite happy, for a feeling +of independence had arisen within me. I was now my own master, and the +consciousness that I must solely rely upon myself, was to me a source of +gratification and pride. I had not the slightest doubt of being able to +dig my way through the world in some way or other.</p> + +<p>Night came on at last, black as the brow of a Congo nigger, and starless +as a company of travelling actors. I could not remain under the tree all +night, that was certain; and so I left it, although I could scarcely see +my hand before me. That hand, by the way, still tenaciously grasped the +invaluable sixpence. Groping my way out of the Battery, and guided by a +light, I entered the bar-room of a respectable hotel, where a large +number of well-dressed gentlemen were assembled, who were seeking +shelter from the storm, and at the same time indulging their convivial +propensities. Much noise and confusion prevailed; and two gentlemen, +who, as I afterwards learned, were officers belonging to a Spanish +vessel then in port, fell into a dispute and got into a fight, during +which one of them stabbed the other with a dirk-knife, inflicting a +mortal wound.</p> + +<p>Officers were sent for, the murderer and his victim were removed, and +comparative quiet prevailed. I was seated in an obscure corner of the +bar-room, wondering how I should get through the night, when I was +unceremoniously accosted by a lad of about my own age. He was a rakish +looking youth, quite handsome withal, dressed in the height of fashion, +and was smoking a cigar with great vigor and apparent relish. It will be +seen hereafter that I have reason to remember this individual to the +very last day of my life. Would to heaven that I had never met him!</p> + +<p>This youth slapped me familiarly on the shoulder, and said—</p> + +<p>"Hallo, bub! why, you're wet as a drowned rat! Come and take a brandy +cocktail—it will warm you up!"</p> + +<p>I had never drank a drop of liquor in my life, and I hadn't the faintest +idea of what a brandy cocktail was, and so I told my new friend, who +laughed immoderately as he exclaimed—</p> + +<p>"How jolly green you are, to be sure; why, you're a regular <i>greenhorn</i>, +and I'm going to call you by that name hereafter. Have you got any tin?"</p> + +<p>I knew that he meant money, and so I told him that I had but a sixpence +in the world.</p> + +<p>"Bah!" cried my friend, as he drew his cigar from his mouth and +salivated in the most fashionable manner, "who are you, what are you and +what are you doing here? Come, tell me all about yourself, and it may +perhaps be in my power to do you a service."</p> + +<p>His frank, off-hand manner won my confidence. I told him my whole story, +without any reserve; and he laughed uproariously when I told him how I +had pitched my tyrannical uncle down stairs.</p> + +<p>"It served the old chap right," said he approvingly—"you are a fellow +of some spirit, and I like you. Come take a drink, and we can afterwards +talk over what is best to be done."</p> + +<p>I objected to drink, because I had formed a strong prejudice against +ardent spirits, having often been a witness of its deplorable effects in +depriving men—and women, too—of their reason, and reducing them to the +condition of brute beasts. So, in declining my friend's invitation, I +told him my reasons for so doing, whereupon he laughed louder than ever, +as he remarked—</p> + +<p>"Why, <i>Greenhorn</i>, you'd make an excellent temperance lecturer. But +perhaps you think I haven't got any money to pay the rum. Look +here—what do you think of <i>that</i>?"</p> + +<p>He displayed a large roll of bank bills, and flourished them +triumphantly. I had never before seen so much money, except in the +broker's windows; and my friend was immediately established in my mind +as a <i>millionaire</i>, whose wealth was inexhaustible. I suddenly conceived +for him the most profound respect, and would not have offended him for +the world. How could I persist in refusing to drink with a young +gentleman of such wealth, and (as a necessary consequence) such +distinction? Besides, I suddenly felt quite a curiosity to drink some +liquor, just to see how it tasted. After all, it was only very low +people who got drunk and wallowed in the mire. <i>Gentlemen</i> (I thought) +never get drunk, and they always seem so happy and joyous after they +have been drinking! How they shake hands, and swear eternal friendship, +and seem generously willing to lend or give away all they have in the +world! So thought I, as my mind was made up to accept the invitation of +my friend. It is singular that I had forgotten all about the murder +which had just taken place in that bar-room, and which had been directly +produced by intemperance.</p> + +<p>"The fact is, my dear <i>Greenhorn</i>," said my friend, impressively, as he +flourished his hand after the manner of some aged, experienced and +eloquent orator, "the fact is, the <i>use</i> of liquor, and its <i>abuse</i>, are +two very different things. A man (here he drew himself up) can drink +like a gentleman, or he can swill like a loafer, or a beast. Now <i>I</i> +prefer the gentlemanly portion of the argument, and therefore we'll go +up and take a gentlemanly drink. I shall be happy, young man, to +initiate you into the divine joys and mysteries of Bacchus—ahem!"</p> + +<p>I looked at my friend with increased wonder, for he displayed an +assurance, a self-possession, an elegant <i>nonchalance</i>, that were far +beyond his years, for he was only about twelve years old—my own age +exactly. And then what language he used—so refined, glowing, and +indicative of a knowledge of the world! I longed to be like him—to +equal him in his many perfections—to sport as much money as he did, and +to wear as good "<i>harness</i>." I forgot to mention that he carried a +splendid gold watch, and that several glittering rings adorned his +fingers. "Who can he be?" was the question which I asked myself; and of +course, I could not find an answer.</p> + +<p>"Felix," said my friend, addressing the bar-keeper in a style of +patronizing condescension, as we approached the bar, "Felix, my good +fellow, just mix us a couple of brandy cocktails, will you, and make +them <i>strong</i>, d'ye hear, for the night is wet, and I and my verdant +friend here, are about to travel in search of amusement, even as the +Caliph and his Vizier used to perambulate the streets of Baghdad. Come, +hurry up!"</p> + +<p>The bar-keeper grinned, mixed the liquor, and handed us the tumblers. My +friend knocked his glass against mine, and remarked "here's luck," a +ceremony and an observation which both somewhat surprised me at the +time, although I have long since become thoroughly acquainted with what +was then a mystery. Many of my readers—indeed, I may say the greater +portion of them—will require no explanation of this matter; and as for +those who are in ignorance of it, I will simply say, long may they keep +so!</p> + +<p>My friend tossed off his cocktail with the air of one who is used to it, +and rather liked it than otherwise; but I was not quite so successful, +for being wholly unacquainted with the science of drinking, the strength +of the liquor nearly choked me, to the intense amusement of my more +experienced friend, who advised me to try again. I <i>did</i> try again, and +more successfully, the liquor went the way of all rum, and soon produced +the usual effects. Of course its influence on me was exceedingly +powerful, I being entirely unaccustomed to its use. A very agreeable +feeling of exhilaration stole over me—I thought I was worth just one +hundred thousand dollars—I embraced my friend and swore he was a +"trump"—I then noticed, with mild surprise, that he had been multiplied +into two individuals—there were two barkeepers now, although just +before I drank, there was but one—an additional chandelier had just +stepped in to visit the solitary one which had lighted the room—to +speak plainly, I saw double; and to sum the whole matter up in a few +words, I was, for the first time in my life, most decidedly and +incontestably <i>drunk</i>.</p> + +<p>As nearly as I can remember, my friend linked his arm within mine, and +we passed out into the street—he partially supporting me, and keeping +me from falling. Two precious youths, of twelve years of age, we +certainly were—one staggering and trying to fall down, and the other +laughing, and holding him up!</p> + +<p>The rain had ceased falling, and the stars were shining as if nothing +had happened. The cool air sobered me, and my friend congratulated me on +my recovery from a state of inebriety.</p> + +<p>"After a little practice at the bar," said he—"it will take a good many +<i>tods</i> to <i>floor</i> you. Let me give you a few hints as regards drinking. +Never mix your liquor—always stick to one kind. After every glass, eat +a cracker—or, what is better, a pickle. Plain drinks are always the +best—far preferable to fancy drinks, which contain sugar, and lemons, +and mint, and other trash; although a mixed drink may be taken on a +stormy night, such as this has been. Drink ale, or beer, sparingly, and +only after dinner—for, taken in large quantities, it is apt to bloat a +person, and it plays the very devil with his internal arrangements. +Besides, it is filthy stuff, at best, being made of the most repulsive +materials and in the dirtiest manner. Always drink <i>good liquor</i>, which +will not hurt you, while the vile stuff which is sold in the different +bar-rooms will soon send you to your grave. If you pass a day or two in +drinking freely, do not miss eating a single meal, and if you do not +feel inclined to eat, <i>force</i> yourself to do it; for, if you neglect +your food, that terrible fiend, <i>Delirium Tremens</i>, will have you in his +savage grasp before you know it. Every morning after a <i>spree</i>, take a +good stiff horn of brandy, and soon afterwards a glass of plain soda, +which will cool you off. Never drink gin—it is vulgar stuff, not fit to +be used by gentlemen.—When you desire to reform from drinking, never +break off abruptly, which is dangerous; but <i>taper off</i> gradually—three +glasses to-day, two to-morrow, and one the next day. Never drink with +low people, under any circumstances, for it brings you down to their +level. When you go to a drinking party, or to a fashionable dinner, sit +with your back toward the sun—confine yourself to one kind of +liquor—take an occasional sip of vinegar—and the very devil himself +cannot drink you under the table! Now do you understand me, my dear +<i>greenhorn</i>?"</p> + +<p>Such language and advice, emanating from a boy of twelve, astonished me, +and hurried me to the conclusion that he must be a very "<i>fast</i>" youth +indeed. I took a more particular survey of my new friend. He was not +remarkable handsome, but his face was flushing not with health, but +with drinking. A rosy tint suffused his full cheeks, and a delicate +vermillion colored the top of his well-formed nose. His form was +somewhat slighter than mine, but he looked vigorous and active. His +closely buttoned jacket developed a full breast, and a pair of muscular +arms. His small feet were encased in patent-leather boots. Upon his head +was a jaunty cloth cap, from beneath which flowed a quantity of fine, +curly hair. I really envied him his good looks, as also his mental +endowments. He saw that I admired him; and he liked me for it.</p> + +<p>Such was <i>Jack Slack</i>, I may as well give his name at once, for I hate +the trickery of authors who keep the curiosity of their readers +painfully excited to the end of their narratives for the purpose of +producing an <i>effect</i>. My professional habits as a writer prompt me to +do the same; but I must not forget that I am writing my own history, and +not an effusion of my imagination, which seems to be a prolific mother, +for it hath produced many children, and (if I live) may produce many +more.</p> + +<p>While I now write, the Sabbath bells are ringing in sweet harmony, and +through my open window comes the cool but mild breath of an autumnal +morning. Yes, it is Sunday, and all the holy associations of the sacred +day crowd upon me. I can almost see the village church, and the throng +of worshippers within it, listening to the fervent remarks and +exhortations of their pastor. Then I can fancy the gorgeous cathedral, +with its stained windows, its elaborate carvings, its pealing organs, +and its fashionable assembly of superficial worshippers. While others +are praying, pleasuring and sleeping, I am rushing my iron pen over the +spotless paper, and wishing that my penmanship could keep pace with my +thought.—This is a digression; but the reader will pardon it. There is +<i>one</i> dear creature, I know, who, when her eyes scan these pages, will +understand me. But she, alas! is far away.</p> + +<p>Where was I? Oh, speaking of Jack Slack. How well do I remember the +night upon which first I met him! I can see him now, with his +mischievous smiles, his eyes full of deviltry—his scornful lips—I can +almost hear his mocking laugh. Yes, although eighteen years have passed +since then, the remembrance of that night is fresh within me, as if its +occurrence were but things of yesterday.</p> + +<p>May perdition seize the circumstances which led me to encounter him! He +was the foundation of my misfortunes in life. But for him, I might have +led a happy, tranquil life; unknown, it is true, but still happy. But, +poor fellow! he is dead now. He died by my hand, and I do not regret the +act, nor would I recall it, had I the power. But of this the reader +shall know hereafter.</p> + +<p>That was my first night of dissipation—that was the occasion of my +initiation into the mysteries of debauchery. I had previously led a +necessarily regular and abstemious life—to bed at eight, up at six, at +school by nine, and so on. (By the way, I never learned any thing at +school—the master pronounced me the most stupid rascal in the concern; +and flogged me accordingly—good old man! All I ever learned was +acquired in a <i>printing office</i>.) Well, here was I at the age of twelve, +fairly launched upon the sea of city life, without a guide, protector, +or friend. What wonder is it that I became a reckless, dissipated +individual, careless of myself, my interests, my fame and fortune?</p> + +<p>Jack Slack and I, arm-in-arm, entered Broadway, and proceeded at a +leisurely pace up that noble avenue. Many a courtezan did we meet, and +many a watchman did we salute with the compliments of the season. (There +were no <i>Brazen Stars</i>,<a href="#B">[B]</a><a name="B_base" id="B_base"></a> nor <i>M.P.'s</i>, then.) One lady of the pave, +whom my companion addressed in terms of complimentary gallantry, +said—"Little boy, go home to your mother and tell her she wants you!"</p> + +<p>I am now about to make a humiliating confession, but I must not shrink +from it, inasmuch as I sat down with the determination of writing "the +truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth." I allowed Jack to +persuade me to accompany him on a visit to a celebrated establishment in +Leonard street—a house occupied by accommodating ladies of great +personal attractions, who were not especially virtuous. That was of +course my first visit to a house of ill-fame; and without exactly +comprehending the nature of the place and its arrangements, I was deeply +impressed with the strangeness and novelty of everything that surrounded +me. The costly and elegant furniture—the brilliant chandeliers—the +magnificent but rather <i>loose</i> French prints and paintings—the +universal luxury that prevailed—the voluptuous ladies, with their bare +shoulders, painted cheeks, and free-and-easy manners—the buxom, +bustling landlady, who was dressed with almost regal splendor and wore a +profusion of jewelry—the crowd of half-drunken gentlemen who were +drinking wine and laughing uproariously—all these things astonished and +bewildered me. My friend Jack appeared to be well known to the inmates +of the house, with whom he seemed to be an immense favorite. +Having—much to my dissatisfaction and disgust—introduced me to a lady, +he took possession of another one, and called for a couple of bottles of +wine. Jack and his lady were evidently upon the most intimate and +affectionate terms, while my female companion seemed inclined to be very +loving, but I did not appreciate her advances, being altogether +unaccustomed to such things. The champagne was brought, and I was +persuaded to drink freely of it. The consequence was that I soon became +helplessly intoxicated. I can indistinctly remember the dancing lights, +the popping of champagne corks—the noise, the confusion, the thrumming +of a piano, and the boisterous laughter—and then I fell into a +condition of complete insensibility.</p> + +<p>When I awoke, I was astonished at my situation and naturally enough, for +I was in a strange apartment and snugly stowed away in a strange but +decidedly luxuriant bed. The room was handsomely furnished, but to my +additional surprise, many female garments were scattered about, +indicating that the regular inhabitant of the place was a lady. This +mystery was soon solved, for I was not the only inmate of the couch. My +companion was the lady to whom I had been introduced by Jack Slack. +Pitying my helpless condition—and, doubtless, prompted by the +mischievous Jack—she had carried me to bed, and had also retired +herself, being actuated by a benevolent anxiety for my safety. What a +delicate situation for a modest youth to be placed in! Having, to my no +small satisfaction, ascertained that the lady was fast asleep, I arose +so carefully and noiselessly as not to awaken her. In truth, I was +disgusted with the whole concern, and determined to leave it as speedily +as possible. A light was fortunately burning in the room, which enabled +me to move about with safety. A gold watch which lay upon the table +informed me that it was nearly midnight.—Leaving the chamber and its +sleeping inmate, I crept down stairs, and, on passing the door of the +principal sitting-room, the voice of Jack Slack, who was singing a comic +song amid the most enthusiastic applause, convinced me that my +interesting friend was still rendering himself a source of amusement and +an object of admiration. Without stopping to compliment him upon the +excellence of his performance, I approached the front door, turned the +key which was in the lock, unfastened the chain, and passed out into the +street, just as the clock of a neighboring steeple was proclaiming the +hour of twelve.</p> + +<p>My head ached terribly after the champagne which I had so profusely +drank, and besides, I felt heavy and sleepy to an extraordinary degree. +Unable to resist the overpowering influence of my feelings, I sat down +upon the steps of a house and was fast asleep in less than a minute. +Then I dreamed of being seized in the powerful grasp of some gigantic +demon, and hurried away to the bottomless pit. I certainly felt +conscious of being moved about, but my oblivious condition would not +admit of arriving at any definite understanding of what was happening to +me. When I finally awoke, I found myself in an apartment that was far +different in its aspect from the luxurious chamber I had just quitted. +The floor, walls and ceiling of the apartment were of stone; there were +no windows, but a narrow aperture, high up in the wall, admitted the +feeble glimmer of daylight. There was an iron door, and a water-pipe, +and platform on which I lay, and on which reposed several gentlemen of +seedy raiment and unwholesome appearance. The place and the company, as +dimly revealed by the uncertain morning light, inspired me with emotions +of horror; and in my inexperience and ignorance, I said to myself—</p> + +<p>"I must leave this place at once. How I came here is a mystery, but it +is certain that I cannot remain."</p> + +<p>I arose from my hard couch, and approached the iron door with the +confident expectation of being able to pass out without any difficulty, +for I imagined that I had fallen into one of those cheap and wretched +lodging houses with which the city abounds. (By the way, I may hereafter +have something to say with reference to these cheap lodging-houses. Some +rich development may be made, which will rather astonish the +unsophisticated reader.)</p> + +<p>To my surprise, I found that the door could not be opened; and then one +of my fellow-lodgers, who had been observing my movements, exclaimed:</p> + +<p>"Are you going to leave us, my lad? Then leave us your card, or a lock +of your hair to remember you by."</p> + +<p>"Will you be kind enough to tell me what place this is?" said I.</p> + +<p>The man laughed loudly, as he replied—</p> + +<p>"Why, don't you know? What an innocent youth you are, to be sure! How +the devil could you come here, without knowing anything about it? But I +suppose that you were drunk, which is a great pity for a boy like you. +Well, not to keep you in suspense, I must inform you that you are in the +<i>watch-house of the Tombs</i>!"</p> + +<p>This information appalled me. To be in confinement—to be a prisoner—to +be associated with a company of outcasts, thieves and perhaps +murderers—was to me the height of horror. I looked particularly at the +man with whom I had been conversing. He was a savage-looking individual, +with a beard like that of a pirate, and an eye that spoke of blood and +outrage. He was roughly dressed, in a garb that announced him to be a +mariner.</p> + +<p>In the course of a conversation that we fell into, he informed me that +he had committed a murder on the preceding evening, and that he expected +to be hung.</p> + +<p>"We quarrelled at cards," said he, "and he gave me the lie—whereupon I +drew my death-knife and stabbed him to the heart. He died instantly; the +police rushed in, and here I am. My neck will be stretched, but I don't +care. What matters it how a man dies? When my time comes, I shall go +forth as readily and as cheerfully as if I were going to take a drink."</p> + +<p>(I will here remark that I afterwards saw this man hung in the yard of +the <i>Tombs</i>. His history is in my possession, and I shall hereafter +write it.)<a href="#C">[C]</a><a name="C_base" id="C_base"></a></p> + +<p>At nine o'clock I was taken before the magistrate, who, after severely +reprimanding me for my misconduct, discharged me from custody, with the +remark that if I were brought there again he would be obliged to commit +me to the Tombs for the term of five days. Delighted at having obtained +my liberty, I posted out of the court room and found myself in Centre +street. My debauch of the preceding night had not spoiled my appetite, +by any means; and, as I still had in my possession the sixpence alluded +to before, I resolved to produce some breakfast forthwith. Aware that my +limited finances would not admit of my obtaining a very sumptuous +repast, and fully appreciating the necessity of economy, I entered the +shop of a baker and purchased three rolls at the rate of one cent per +copy. Thus provided, I repaired to a neighboring street pump, and made a +light but wholesome breakfast.</p> + +<p>It was thus, reader, that your humble servant began to acquire a +knowledge of the world.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<p><a name="A" id="A"></a><a href="#A_base">[A]</a> The last that was heard of Robinson, he was in Texas, and it was +reported that he was married and wealthy, his right arm he had lost in +some battle, the name of which I do not remember.</p> + +<p><a name="B" id="B"></a><a href="#B_base">[B]</a> I have just written a story under this title, full of fact and fun, +and containing more truth than poetry. The reader can have it by +applying to the publisher of this work. It is well worthy of perusal.</p> + +<p><a name="C" id="C"></a><a href="#C_base">[C]</a> This work is now in active course of preparation. To the lovers of +exciting tales, this story will be one of particular attraction. It will +be issued by the publisher of this narrative.</p> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_II" id="CHAPTER_II"></a>CHAPTER II</h2> + +<h4><i>In which I become a Printer, and am introduced into certain mysteries +of connubial life.</i></h4> + + +<p>Having breakfasted to my entire satisfaction and also to my great bodily +refreshment, I entered the Park, seated myself upon the steps of the +City Hall, and thought "what is best to be done?"—It was Monday +morning, and the weather was excellently fine. It was an excellent time +to search for employment. A sign on an old building in Chatham street +attracted my notice; upon it were inscribed the words, "Book and Job +Printing."</p> + +<p>"Good!" was my muttered exclamation, as I left the Park and crossed +over towards the old building in question—"I'll be a printer! Franklin +was one, and he, like myself, was fond of rolls, because he entered +Philadelphia with one under each arm. Yes, I'll be a printer."</p> + +<p>Entering the printing office, I found it to be a very small concern, +containing but one press and a rather limited assortment of type. The +proprietor of the office, whom I shall call Mr. Romaine, was a rather +intellectual looking man, of middle age. Being very industrious, he did +the principal portion of his work himself, occasionally, however, hiring +a journeyman when work was unusually abundant. As I entered he looked up +from his case and inquired, with an air of benevolence—</p> + +<p>"Well, my lad, what can I do for <i>you</i> this morning?"</p> + +<p>"If you please, sir, I want to learn to be a printer," replied I, +boldly.</p> + +<p>"Ah, indeed! Well, I was just thinking of taking an apprentice. But give +an account of yourself—how old are you, and who are you?"</p> + +<p>I frankly communicated to Mr. Romaine all that he desired to know +concerning me, and he expressed himself as being perfectly satisfied. He +immediately set me to "learning the boxes" of a case of type; and in +half an hour I had accomplished the task, which was not very difficult, +it being merely an effort of memory.</p> + +<p>It having been arranged that I should take up my abode in the house of +Mr. Romaine, I accompanied that gentleman home to dinner. He lived in +William street and his wife kept a fashionable boarding-house for +merchants, professional men, &c. Several of these gentlemen were married +men and had their wives with them. Mrs. Romaine, the wife of my +employer, was one of the finest-looking women I ever saw—tall, +voluptuous, and truly beautiful. She was about twenty-five years of age, +and her manners were peculiarly fascinating and agreeable. She was +always dressed in a style of great elegance, and was admirably adapted +to the station which she filled as landlady of an establishment like +that. I will remark that although she had been the wife of Mr. Romaine +for a number of years, she had not been blessed with offspring, which +was doubtless to her a source of great disappointment, to say nothing of +the <i>chagrin</i> which a married woman naturally feels when she fails in +due time to add to the population of her country.</p> + +<p>Accustomed as I had been to the economical scantiness of my uncle's +table, I was both surprised and delighted with the luxurious abundance +that greeted me on sitting down to dinner at Mrs. Romaine's. I was +equally well pleased with the sprightliness, intelligence and good-humor +of the conversation in which the ladies and gentlemen engaged, and also +with their refined and courteous bearing towards each other. I +congratulated myself on having succeeded in getting not only into +business, but also into good society.</p> + +<p>"If my dearly-beloved relatives," thought I, "could see me now, they +might not be well pleased at my situation and prospects. Let them go to +Beelzebub! I will get on in the world, in spite of them!"</p> + +<p>In a few days I began to be very useful about the printing office, for I +had learned to set type and to <i>roll</i> behind the press; I also performed +all the multifarious duties of <i>devil</i>, and was so fortunate as to +secure the good will of my employer, who generously purchased for me a +fine new suit of clothes, and seemed anxious to make me as comfortable +as possible. His wife, also, treated me very kindly; but there was +something mysterious about this lady, which for a time, puzzled me +extremely. One discovery which I made rather astonished me, young as I +was, and caused me to do a "devil of a thinking." Mr. Romaine and his +wife occupied separate sleeping apartments, and there seemed to be an +aversion between them, although they treated each other with the most +formal and scrupulous politeness. But my readers will agree with me that +mere <i>politeness</i> is not the only sentiment which should exist between a +husband and his wife. There was evidently something "rotten in Denmark" +between Mr. and Mrs. Romaine, and I determined, if possible, to +penetrate the mystery.</p> + +<p>Mr. Romaine, who was professedly a pious man, was particularly in favor +of "remembering the Sabbath day to keep it holy," and he therefore +directed me to be very punctual in attendance at church and Sunday +school, and I obeyed his praiseworthy request until visions of literary +greatness and renown began to dawn upon me, whereupon, prompted by +gingerbread and ambition, and being moreover aided and abetted by +another printer's devil of tender years and literary aspirations, I, one +Sunday morning, entered the printing office, (of which I kept the key,) +and assisted by my companion, set up and worked off one hundred copies +of a diminutive periodical just six inches square, containing a <i>very</i> +brief abstract of the news of the day, a <i>very</i> indifferent political +leader, and a few <i>rather</i> partial theatrical criticisms. This extensive +newspaper we issued on three successive Sundays, circulating it among +our juvenile friends at the moderate rate of one cent a copy. On the +fourth Sunday we were caught in the act of printing our journal by Mr. +Romaine himself, who, although he with difficulty refrained from +laughing at the fun of the thing, gave us a long lecture on the crime of +Sabbath-breaking, and then made us distribute the type, forgetting that +we were breaking the Sabbath as much by taking our form to pieces as by +putting it together.</p> + +<p>Mr. Romaine was also strongly opposed to theatres, but, nevertheless, I +visited the "little Frankin" four or five times every week, to see John +and Bill Sefton in the "Golden Farmer," and other thrilling melo-dramas, +a convenient ally, a garden and a shed enabled me to enter my chamber at +any hour during the night, without my employer's becoming aware of my +absence from home.</p> + +<p>One night after having been to my favorite place of amusement, I +returned home about midnight. On entering the garden, I discovered to my +surprise a light streaming from the kitchen windows—a very unusual +occurrence. I crept softly up to one of the windows, and looking into +the kitchen, a scene met my gaze that filled me with astonishment.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Romaine, arrayed in her night-dress only, was seated at a table, +and at her side was a young gentleman named Anderson, who boarded in the +house, and who was a prosperous merchant. His arm was around the lady's +waist, and her head rested affectionately upon his shoulder. She looked +uncommonly beautiful and voluptuous that night, I thought, young as I +was, I wondered not at the look of passionate admiration with which +Anderson regarded his fair companion, upon whose sensual countenance +there rested an expression of gratified love. Upon the table were the +remains of a supper of which they had evidently partaken; there were +also a bottle of wine and two glasses, partially filled. Mrs. Romaine +sipped her wine occasionally, as well as her paramour; and the guilty +pair seemed to be enjoying themselves highly. It was plain that the lady +was resolved to lose nothing by her estrangement from her husband; it +was equally plain that between her and Mr. Romaine there existed not the +smallest particle of love. I now ceased to wonder why the wedded pair +occupied separate apartments; and I came to the conclusion that +disappointment in the matter of children was the cause of their mutual +aversion. If I were writing a romance instead of a narrative of facts, I +would here introduce an imaginary tender conversation between the pair. +But as no such conversation took place I have none to describe.</p> + +<p>"Well," said I to myself—"this is a pretty state of affairs, truly. I +guess that if Mr. Romaine suspected any thing of this kind, there would +be the very devil to pay, and no mistake. But it's no business of mine; +and so I'll climb into my window and go to bed."</p> + +<p>My employer was a very good sort of a man, and I sincerely pitied him on +account of his unhappy connubial situation. I turned away from the +kitchen window, and began to mount the shed in order to reach my +chamber. I had nearly gained the roof of the shed, when a board gave way +and I was precipitated to the ground, a distance of about ten feet. +Fortunately I sustained no injury; but the noise aroused and alarmed the +loving couple in the kitchen. Mrs. Romaine, in her terror and dread of +discovery, gave utterance to a slight scream; while Mr. Anderson rushed +forth and seized me in a rather powerful grasp. I struggled, and kicked, +and strove to extricate myself, but it was all of no use. With many a +muttered imprecation Anderson dragged me into the kitchen, and swore +that if I did not remain quiet he would stab me to the heart with a +dirk-knife that he produced from his pocket.</p> + +<p>"You young rascal," said he "who employed you to play the part of a spy? +Did Mr. Romaine direct you to watch us? Is he lurking outside, in the +garden? If so, let him beware, for I am a desperate man, one not to be +trifled with!"</p> + +<p>I explained everything to the entire satisfaction of both the gentleman +and lady, whose countenances brightened when they found that matters +were far from being as bad as they expected.</p> + +<p>"Now, my boy," said Anderson, "just do keep perfectly dark about this +business, and I'll make your fortune. You shall never want a dollar +while I live. As an earnest of what I may hereafter do for you, accept +this trifle, which will enable you to gratify your theatre-going +propensities to your heart's content."</p> + +<p>The "trifle" was a ten dollar gold piece. I had never before possessed +so much money; and no millionaire ever felt richer than I did at that +moment. Delightful visions of dramatic treats arose before me, and I was +happy.</p> + +<p>Mr. Anderson made me drink a couple of glasses of wine, which tasted +very good, and caused me to feel quite elevated. Then he told me that I +had better go to bed, and I fully agreed with him. So, bidding the +enamoured couple a patronizing good night and facetiously wishing them a +pleasant time together—the wine had made me bold and saucy—I left the +kitchen and began to ascend the stairs towards my own room with all the +silence and caution of which I was capable.</p> + +<p>I was destined that night to make another astonishing discovery. Being +quite tipsy, I was deprived of my usual judgement, and suffered myself +to stumble against a table that stood upon one of the landings opposite +the chamber door of a young and particularly pretty widow named Mrs. +Raymond, who boarded in the house. She possessed a snug independent +fortune, and led a life of elegant leisure. Although demure in her looks +and reverend in her deportment, there was a whole troop of dancing +devils in her eyes that proclaimed the fact that her nature was not +exactly as cold as ice.</p> + +<p>My collision with the table caused me to recoil, and I fell violently +against Mrs. Raymond's door, which burst open, and down I landed in the +very centre of the apartment.</p> + +<p>I heard a scream, and then a curse. The scream was the performance of +the fair widow; the curse was the production of Mr. Romaine, my pious, +Sabbath-venerating and theatre-opposing employer, who, springing up from +the sofa upon which he had been seated by the side of the widow, seized +me by the throat and demanded how the devil I came there?</p> + +<p>My wits had not entirely deserted me, and I managed to tell quite a +plausible story. I candidly confessed that I had been to the theatre and +stated that I had got into the house through the kitchen window. Of +course I said nothing about Anderson and Mrs. Romaine.</p> + +<p>"You have been drinking," said Mr. Romaine, in a tone that was by no +means severe, "but I forgive you for that, and also for having disobeyed +me by going to the theatre. Be a good boy in future, and you shall never +want a friend while I live."</p> + +<p>While he was speaking, I looked about the room. It was exquisitely +furnished with the most refined and elegant taste. Mrs. Raymond, who +still sat upon the sofa, blushed deeply as her eyes encountered mine. +She was <i>en deshabille</i>, and looked charming. I could not help admiring +the divine perfections of her form, as <i>revealed</i> by the deliciously +careless attire which she wore. I did not wonder that my respected +presence confused her, for she had always held herself up as the very +pink and pattern of female propriety, and besides, she often lectured me +severely upon the enormity of some of my juvenile offences, which came +to her knowledge.</p> + +<p>Mr. Romaine continued to address me, thus:</p> + +<p>"If you will solemnly promise to say nothing about having seen me in +this room, I will reward you handsomely."</p> + +<p>I readily gave the required promise, whereupon my pious employer +presented me with a five-dollar bill, which I received with all the +nonchalance in the world. I then withdrew, and reached my own room +without encountering any more adventures. Sleep did not visit me that +night, for my thoughts were too busily engaged with the discoveries +which I had made; and besides, the blissful consciousness of being the +possessor of the princely sum of fifteen dollars, would have kept me +awake, independent of anything else.</p> + +<p>A day or two after these occurrences, while looking over one of the +morning newspapers, I saw an advertisement signed by my uncle, in which +that worthy man offered a reward for my apprehension. The notice +contained a minute description of my personal appearance and the clothes +which I had on when I "ran away." Although my garments had been +entirely changed, I was fearful that some one might recognize my person, +and carry me back to my uncle's house, where I had every reason to +expect far worse treatment than I had ever received before. But Mr. +Romaine, to whom I showed the advertisement, told me not to be at all +alarmed, as he would protect me at any risk. This assurance made me feel +much easier. I was never molested in consequence of that advertisement.</p> + +<p>After the night on which I had detected the intrigue of my employer and +his wife, I began to live emphatically "in clover," and accumulated +money tolerably fast. All the parties concerned treated me with the +utmost consideration and respect. Mr. Romaine suffered me to do pretty +much as I pleased in the printing office, and so I enjoyed a very +agreeable and leisurely time of it, doing as much Sunday printing on my +own account as I desired, and going to the theatre as often as I wished. +Mr. Anderson would occasionally slip a five dollar note into my hand, at +the same time enjoining me to "keep mum;" Mrs. Romaine, with her own +fair hands, made me a dozen superb shirts, supplied me with +handkerchiefs, stockings and fancy cravats innumerable, and so arranged +it that when I returned from the theatre at night, a nice little supper +awaited me in the kitchen. These repasts she would sometimes share with +me, for, like a sensible woman, she was fond of all the good things of +this life, including good eating and drinking. Anderson would join us +occasionally, and a snug, cosy little party we made. Mrs. Raymond, the +pretty widow, was not backward in testifying to me how grateful she was +for my silence with reference to her frailty. She made me frequent +presents of money, and gave me an elegant and valuable ring, which I +wore until the "intervention of unfortunate circumstance" compelled me +to consign it to the custody of "my uncle"—not my beloved relative of +Thomas street, (peace to his memory, for he has gone the way of all +pork,)—but that accommodating uncle of mine and everybody else, Mr. +Simpson, who dwelleth in the <i>Rue de Chatham</i>, and whose mansion is +decorated with three gilded balls. Kind, convenient Uncle Simpson!</p> + +<p>Ah! those were my halcyon days, when not a single care cast its shadow +o'er my soul. As I think of that season of unalloyed happiness, I +involuntarily exclaim, in the words of a fine popular song—</p> + +<p>"I would I were a boy again!"</p> + +<p>Three years passed away, unmarked by the occurrence of any event of +sufficient importance to merit a place in this narrative. When I reached +my fifteenth year, the fashionable boarding-house of Mrs. Romaine became +the scene of a tragedy so bloody, so awful and so appalling, that even +now, while I think and write about it, my blood runs cold in my veins. +That terrible affair can no more be obliterated from my memory than can +the sun be effaced from the arch of heaven; and to my dying day, its +recollection will continue to haunt me like a hideous spectre.</p> + +<p>But I must devote a separate chapter to the details of that sanguinary +event. I would gladly escape from the task of describing it; but, of +course, were I to omit it, this narrative would be incomplete. Therefore +the unwelcome duty must be performed.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_III" id="CHAPTER_III"></a>CHAPTER III</h2> + +<h4><i>In which is enacted a bloody tragedy.</i></h4> + + +<p>I began to observe with considerable uneasiness, that Mr. Romaine +stealthily regarded his wife with looks of intense hatred and malignant +ferocity; then he would transfer his gaze from her to Mr. Anderson, who +was altogether unconscious of the scrutiny. My employer was usually a +very quiet man, but I knew that his passions were very violent, and +that, when once thoroughly aroused, he was capable of perpetrating +almost any act of savage vengeance. I began to fear that he suspected +the intimacy which existed between his adulterous wife and her paramour. +By the way it may be as well to remark that I had never told either +Anderson or Mrs. Romaine of the intrigue between Mr. Romaine and the +widow, Mrs. Raymond; and it is scarcely necessary to observe that I was +equally discreet in withholding from my employer and his "ladye love" +all knowledge of the state of affairs between the other parties.</p> + +<p>I communicated my fears to Mr. Anderson, but he laughed at them saying—</p> + +<p>"Nonsense, my dear boy—why should Romaine suspect anything of the kind? +I and Harriet (Mrs. Romaine) have always been very discreet and careful. +Our intimacy began three or four years ago; and as it has lasted that +length of time without discovery, it is scarcely likely to be detected +<i>now</i>. You are quite sure that you have given Romaine no hint of the +affair?"</p> + +<p>"Do you think me capable of such base treachery?" I demanded, with an +offended air.</p> + +<p>"Forgive me," said Anderson, "I did wrong to doubt you. Believe me, your +fears are groundless; however, I thank you for the caution, and shall +hereafter exercise additional care, so as to prevent the possibility of +discovery. Here is a ticket for the opera to-night; when you return, +which will be about midnight, come to Harriet's room, and we three will +sup like two kings and a queen."</p> + +<p>Having dressed myself with unusual care, I went to the opera. While +listening to the divine strains of a celebrated <i>prima donna</i>, my +attention was attracted by a group occupying one of the most conspicuous +boxes. This group consisted of a youth apparently about my own age, and +two showy looking females whose dresses were cut so low as to reveal +much more of their busts than decency could sanction, even among an +opera audience. There could be no doubt as to the character of these two +women. I examined their youthful cavalier with attention; and soon +recognized my <i>quondum</i> friend and pitcher—JACK SLACK. Jack was +magnificently dressed, and his appearance was truly superb. The most +fastidious Parisian exquisite—even the great Count D'Orsay himself +might have envied him the arrangement of his hair, the tie of his +cravat, the spotlessness of his white kids. He flourished a glittering, +jeweled <i>lorgnette</i>, and the way the fellow put on "French airs" must +have been a caution to the proudest scion of aristocracy in the house.</p> + +<p>After a little while Jack saw me; and, having taken a good long stare at +me through his opera-glass, he beckoned me to come to him, at the same +time pointing significantly at one of his "lady" companions, as if to +intimate that she was entirely at my disposal. But I shook my head, and +did not stir, for I had no desire to resume my acquaintance with that +fascinating but mysterious youth. Perhaps I entertained a presentiment +that he was destined to become, to both of us, the cause of a great +misfortune.</p> + +<p>Jack looked angry and disappointed, at my refusal to accept of his +hospitable invitation. He directed the attention of his women towards +me, and I saw that they were attempting to titter and sneer at my +expense;—but the effort was a total failure, for there was not a +better-dressed person in the house than I was. Having honored the +envious party with a smile of scorn,—which, I flattered myself, was +perfectly successful,—I turned towards the stage, and did not indulge +in another look at Jack or his friends during the remainder of the +opera. I am convinced that from that hour, Jack Slack became my mortal +foe.</p> + +<p>At the conclusion of the performances, I left the house and saw Jack +getting into a carriage with the two courtezans. He observed me, and +uttered a decisive shout, to which I paid no attention, but hurried +home, anxious to make one of the little party in the apartment of Mrs. +Romaine, and quite ready to partake of the delicacies which, I knew, +would be provided.</p> + +<p>On my arrival home, I immediately repaired to Mrs. Romaine's private +room, where I found that good lady in company with Mr. Anderson. We +three sat down to supper in the highest possible spirits. Alas! how +little did we anticipate the terrible catastrophe that was so soon to +follow!</p> + +<p>The more substantial portion of the banquet having been disposed of, the +sparkling wine-cup was circulated freely, and we became very gay and +jovial. Unrestrained by my presence, and exhilarated by the rosy +beverage of jolly Bacchus, the lovers indulged in many little acts of +tender dalliance. Always making it a point to mind my own business, I +applied myself diligently to the bottle, for the wine was excellent and +the sardines had made me thirsty. I had just lighted a cigar, and was +resigning myself to the luxurious and deliciously soothing influence of +the weed, when the door was thrown violently open, and Mr. Romaine +rushed into the room.</p> + +<p>His appearance was frightful! his face was dreadfully pale, and his eyes +glared with the combined fires of jealousy and rage. Intense excitement +caused him to quiver in every limb. In one hand he grasped a pistol, and +in the other a bowie knife of the largest and most formidable kind.</p> + +<p>It was but too evident that my fears had been well founded, and that Mr. +Romaine had discovered the intimacy between Anderson and his wife.</p> + +<p>The reader will agree with me that the "injured husband" was equally +culpable on account of his intrigue with the young and handsome widow, +Mrs. Raymond.—How prone are many people to lose sight of their own +imperfections while they censure and severely punish the failings of +those who are not a whit more guilty than themselves! The swinish +glutton condemns the drunkard—the villainous seducer reproves the +frequenter of brothels—the arch hypocrite takes to task the open, +undisguised sinner—and the rich, miserly old reprobate, whose wealth +places him above the possibility of ever coming to want, who would +sooner "hang the guiltless than eat his mutton cold," and who would not +bestow a cent upon a poor devil to keep him from starving—that old +rascal, perhaps, in his capacity as a magistrate, sentences to jail an +unfortunate man whom hunger has driven into the "crime" of stealing a +loaf of bread! Bah! ladies and gentlemen, take the <i>beams</i> out of your +own eyes before you allude to the <i>motes</i> in the optics of your fellow +beings. That's <i>my</i> advice, free of charge.</p> + +<p>On seeing her husband enter in that furious and threatening manner, Mrs. +Romaine, overcome with fear and shame—for she well knew that her guilt +had been detected—fell to the floor insensible. Anderson, confused and +not knowing what to say, sat motionless as a statue;—while I awaited, +with almost trembling anxiety, the issue of this most extraordinary +state of affairs.</p> + +<p>Romaine was the first to break the silence, and he spoke in a tone of +voice that was singularly calm considering his physical agitation.</p> + +<p>"Well, sir," said he, addressing Anderson—"you are enjoying yourself +finely—drinking my wine, devouring my provisions, and making love to my +wife in her own bed-chamber. Anderson, for some time past I have +suspected you and Harriet of being guilty of criminal intimacy. I have +noticed your secret signs, and have read and interpreted the language of +your eyes, whenever you and she have exchanged glances in my presence. +You both took me to be a weak fool, too blind and imbecile to detect +your adulterous intercourse; but I have now come to convince you that I +am a man capable of avenging his ruined conjugal honor!"</p> + +<p>Anderson, recovering some degree of his usual self-possession, remarked,</p> + +<p>"Your accusation, sir, is unjust. Your wife and myself are friends, and +nothing more. She invited me to sup with her here to-night and that is +all about it. If our intentions were criminal, would we have courted the +presence of a third party?"</p> + +<p>With these words, Anderson pointed towards me, but Romaine, without +observing me at all, continued to address the paramour of his wife.</p> + +<p>"Anderson, you are a liar, and the falsehoods which you have uttered, +only serve to increase your guilt, and confirm me in my resolution to +sacrifice both you and that guilty woman who lies yonder. Can I +disbelieve the evidence of my own eyes? Must I go into particulars, and +say that last night, at about this hour, in the kitchen—ha! you turn +pale—you tremble—your guilt is confessed. I would have killed you last +night, Anderson, but I had not the weapons. This knife and pistol I +purchased to-day, <i>and I shall use them</i>!</p> + +<p>"Try and revive that <i>harlot</i>, for I would speak with her ere she dies!"</p> + +<p>Anderson mechanically obeyed. Placing the insensible form of Mrs. +Romaine upon a sofa, he sprinkled water upon her face, and she was soon +restored to a state of consciousness. For a few moments she gazed about +her wildly; and then, when her eyes settled upon her husband, and she +saw the terrible weapons with which he was armed, she covered her face +with her hands and trembled in an agony of terror, for she knew that her +life was in the greatest possible danger.</p> + +<p>Romaine now addressed his wife in a tone of calmness which was, under +the circumstances, far more terrible than the most violent outburst of +passion:</p> + +<p>"Harriet," said he—"I now fully comprehend your reasons for requesting +to be allowed to occupy a separate apartment. You desired an opportunity +to gratify your licentious propensities without any restraint. Woman, +why have you used me thus? Have I deserved this infamous treatment? Have +I ever used you unkindly, or spoken a harsh word to you? Do you think +that I will tamely wear the horns which you and your paramour have +planted upon my brow? Do you think that I will suffer myself to be made +an object of scorn, and allow myself to be pointed at and ridiculed by a +sneering community?"</p> + +<p>"Forgive me," murmured the unhappy wife—"I will not offend again. I +acknowledge that I have committed a grievous sin; but Heaven only knows +how sincerely I repent of it!"</p> + +<p>"Your repentance comes too late," said Romaine, hoarsely—"Heaven may +forgive you, but <i>I</i> shall not! You say that you will not offend again. +Having forever destroyed my happiness, my peace of mind, and my honor, +<i>you will not offend again</i>! You shall not have the opportunity, +wretched woman. You shall no longer survive your infamy. You and the +partner of your guilt must die!"</p> + +<p>With these words, Romaine cocked his pistol and approached his wife, +saying, in a low, savage tone that evinced the desperate purpose of his +heart—</p> + +<p>"Take your choice, madam; do you prefer to die by <i>lead</i> or by <i>steel</i>?"</p> + +<p>The miserable woman threw herself upon her knees, exclaiming—</p> + +<p>"Mercy, husband—mercy! Do not kill me, for I am not prepared to die!"</p> + +<p>"You call me husband <i>now</i>—you, who have so long refused to receive me +as a husband. Come—I am impatient to shed your blood, and that of your +paramour. Breathe a short prayer to Heaven, for mercy and forgiveness, +and then resign your body to death and your soul to eternity!"</p> + +<p>So saying the desperate and half-crazy man raised on high the glittering +knife. Poor Mrs. Romaine uttered a shriek, and, before she could repeat +it, the knife descended with the swiftness of lightning, and penetrated +her heart. Her blood spouted all over her white dress, and she sank down +at the murderer's feet, a lifeless corpse!</p> + +<p>Paralyzed with horror, I could neither move nor speak. Anderson also +stood motionless, like a bird which is subjected to the fascinating gaze +of a serpent. Notwithstanding the terrible danger in which he was +placed, he seemed to be rooted to the spot and incapable of making a +single effort to save himself by either resistance or flight.</p> + +<p>The scene was most extraordinary, thrilling and awful. The luxurious +chamber—the failing lamp—the murderer, holding in his hand the bloody +knife—the doomed Anderson, whose soul was quivering on the brink of the +dread abyss of eternity; all these combined to form a spectacle of the +most strange and appalling character.</p> + +<p>Romaine now raised his pistol and took deliberate aim at Anderson, +saying,</p> + +<p>"My work is but half done; it is <i>your</i> turn now! Are you ready?"</p> + +<p>"Do not shoot me like a dog," implored the unfortunate young man, who, +to do him justice, possessed a considerable amount of courage—"give me, +at least, <i>some</i> chance for my life. If I have wronged you, and I +candidly confess that I have, I am ready to give you the satisfaction of +a gentleman. Give me a pistol, place me upon an equal footing with +yourself, and we will settle the matter as becomes men of honor. This +boy, here, will be a witness of the affair."</p> + +<p>To this proposition, Romaine scornfully replied,</p> + +<p>"I admire your assurance, sir.—After seducing the wife, you want a +chance to shoot the husband. Well, as I am an accommodating man, it +shall be as you say, for I am sick of life and care not if I am killed. +But I have no other pistol. Stay!—suppose we <i>toss up</i> a coin, and thus +decide which of us shall have this weapon, with the privilege of using +it. Here is a quarter of a dollar; I will throw it up in the air, and +when it falls upon the floor, if the <i>head</i> is uppermost, the pistol is +<i>mine</i>; but if the <i>tail</i> is uppermost, the pistol shall be <i>yours</i>. I +warn you that if I win, I shall show you no mercy; and, if you win, I +shall expect none from you. Do you agree to this?"</p> + +<p>"I do," replied Anderson, firmly, "and I thank you for your fairness."</p> + +<p>Romaine threw up the coin, which spun around in the air and landed upon +the carpet. How strange that it should have become the province of that +insignificant coin to decide which of those two men must die!</p> + +<p>Romaine calmly took the dim lamp from the table, and knelt down upon the +carpet in a pool of his wife's blood.</p> + +<p>"Watch me closely, and see that I do not touch the coin," said he, as he +bent eagerly over the life-deciding quarter of a dollar.</p> + +<p>How my heart beat at that moment, and what must have been the sensation +of poor Anderson!</p> + +<p>"<i>The head is uppermost, and I have won!</i>" said Romaine, in a hoarse +whisper—"come and see for yourself."</p> + +<p>"I am satisfied, your word is sufficient," said Anderson, with a +shudder, as he folded his arms across his breast and seemed to abandon +himself to profound despair.</p> + +<p>Romaine's pale face assumed an expression of savage delight, as he +raised the pistol and pointed it at the head of his intended victim, +saying—</p> + +<p>"Then, sir, nothing remains but for me to avail myself of the favor +which fortune has conferred upon me. Young man, in five seconds I shall +fire!"</p> + +<p>"Hold!" cried Anderson, "I have a favor to ask, which I am sure you will +not refuse to grant me. Before I die, let me write a couple of letters, +and make a few notes of the manner in which I wish my property to be +disposed of. It is the last request of a dying man."</p> + +<p>"It is granted," said Romaine, "there, upon that <i>escritoire</i>, are +writing materials. But make haste, for I am impatient to finish this +disagreeable business."</p> + +<p>Anderson sat down, and began to write rapidly. I longed to rush out and +give the alarm, so that the impending tragedy might be averted; but I +feared that any movement on my part might result in the passage of a +bullet through my brain, and therefore I remained quiet, for which I am +sure, no sensible reader will blame me.</p> + +<p>Poor Anderson! tears gushed from his eyes and streamed down his cheeks +while he was writing one of the letters, which, as I afterwards +ascertained, was addressed to a young lady to whom he was engaged to be +married. He wrote two letters, folded, sealed and directed them; these +he handed to me, saying—</p> + +<p>"Have the kindness to deliver these letters to the persons to whom they +are addressed. Will you faithfully promise to do this?"</p> + +<p>I promised, of course; he shook hands with me, and bade me farewell; +then, calmly turning towards Romaine, he announced his readiness to die. +Up to that moment, I had tried to persuade myself that Anderson's life +would be spared, thinking that Romaine must have had enough of blood +after slaying his wife in that barbarous manner. But I was doomed to be +terribly disappointed. Scarcely had Anderson muttered the words, "I am +ready to die," when Romaine pulled the trigger of the upraised pistol, +and the young merchant fell dead upon the floor, the bullet having +penetrated his brain.</p> + +<p>"Now I am satisfied, for I have had my revenge," said the murderer, +coolly, as he wiped the perspiration from his pallid brow.</p> + +<p>"Blood-thirsty villain!" exclaimed I, unable longer to restrain my +indignation—"you will swing upon the gallows for this night's work!"</p> + +<p>"Not so," rejoined Romaine, calmly, "for I do not intend to survive this +wholesale butchery, and did not, from the first. I was determined that +Anderson should die, at all events. <i>He won the pistol</i>, for the coin +fell with the tail uppermost. Had he stooped to examine it, I would have +blown out his brains, just the same. But hark! the boarders and inmates +of the house have been aroused by the report of the pistol, and they are +hastening here. The gallows—no, no, I must avoid <i>that</i>! They shall not +take me alive. Now, may heaven have mercy upon my guilty soul!"</p> + +<p>With these words the unhappy man seized the Bowie knife and plunged it +into his heart, thus adding the crime of suicide to the two atrocious +murders which he had just committed.</p> + +<p>Scarcely had this crowning point of the fearful tragedy been enacted, +when a crowd of people, half-dressed and excited, rushed into the room. +Among them was the beautiful widow, Mrs. Raymond. On seeing the bleeding +corpse of Romaine stretched upon the floor, she gave utterance to a +piercing scream and fell down insensible.</p> + +<p>In the horror and confusion that prevailed, I was unnoticed. I +determined to leave the house, never to return, for I dreaded being +brought before the public, as a witness, being a great hater of +notoriety in any shape. (The reader may smile at this last remark; but I +assure him, or her, that my frequent appearance before the public as a +writer, has been the result of necessity—not of inclination.)</p> + +<p>Accordingly, I left the house unobserved, and took lodgings for the +remainder of the night at a hotel. But sleep visited me not, for my mind +was too deeply engrossed with the bloody scenes which I had witnessed, +to suffer the approach of "tired nature's sweet restorer." In the +morning I arose early, and investigated the condition of my finances. +The result of this examination was highly satisfactory, for I found that +I was the possessor of a considerable sum of money.</p> + +<p>I walked about the city until noon, uncertain how to act. I felt a +strong disposition to travel, and see the world;—but I could not make +up my mind in what direction to go. After a sumptuous dinner at Sandy +Welch's "Terrapin Lunch,"—one of the most famous <i>restaurants</i> of the +day—I indulged in a contemplative walk up Broadway. Such thoughts as +these ran through my mind:—"I cannot help contrasting my present +situation with the position I was in, three years ago. Then I was almost +penniless, and gladly breakfasted on dry bread at a street pump; now I +have three hundred dollars in my pocket, and have just dined like an +epicurean prince. Then I was clad in garments that were coarse and +cheap; now I am dressed in the finest raiment that money could procure. +Then I had no trade; now I have a profession which will be to me an +unfailing means of support. But, alas! then I was comparatively +innocent, and ignorant of the wicked ways of the world; now, although +only fifteen years of age, I am too thoroughly posted up on all the +mysteries of city follies and vices. No matter: there's nothing like +experience, after all."</p> + +<p>Comforting myself with this philosophical reflection, I strolled on. A +newsboy came along, bawling out, at the top of his voice—"Here's the +extra <i>Sun</i>, with a full account of the two murders and suicide in +William street last night—only one cent!" Of course I purchased a copy; +and, upon perusing the account, I could not help smiling at the +ludicrous and absurd exaggerations which it contained. It was a perfect +modern tragedy of <i>Othello</i>, with Romaine as the Moor, Mrs. Romaine as +Desdemona, and Anderson as a sort of cross between Iago and Michael +Cassio. I was not alluded to in any way whatever, which caused me to +rejoice exceedingly.<a href="#D">[D]</a><a name="D_base" id="D_base"></a></p> + +<p>Suddenly remembering the two letters which had been confided to my care +by the unfortunate Anderson, I resolved to deliver them immediately. One +was directed to a Mr. Sargent, in Pine street. I soon found the place, +which was a large mercantile establishment. Over the door was the sign +"<i>Anderson & Sargent</i>." This had been poor Anderson's place of business, +and Sargent had been his partner. I entered, found Mr. Sargent in the +counting-room, and delivered to him the letter. He opened it, read it +through coolly, shrugged his shoulders, and said—</p> + +<p>"I have already been made acquainted with the full particulars of this +melancholy affair. Anderson was a clever fellow, and I'm sorry he's +gone, although his death will certainly promote my interests. He gives +me, in this letter, every necessary instruction as to the disposition of +his property, and he also directs me to present you with the sum of two +hundred dollars, both as an acknowledgement of your services and as a +token of his friendship. I will fill out a check for the amount +immediately."</p> + +<p>This instance of Anderson's kindness and generosity, almost at the very +moment of his death, deeply affected me; and, at the same time, I could +not help feeling disgusted with the heartlessness displayed by Sargent, +who regarded the tragical death of his partner merely as an event +calculated to advance his own interests.</p> + +<p>Having received the check, I withdrew from the august presence of Mr. +Sargent, who was a tall, thin, hook-nosed personage, of unwholesome +aspect and abrupt manners. I drew the money at the bank, and then +hastened to deliver the other letter, which was addressed to Miss Grace +Arlington, whose residence was designated as being situated in one of +the fashionable squares up-town. I had no difficulty in finding the +house, which was of the most elegant and aristocratic appearance. My +appeal to the doorbell was responded to by a smart-looking female +domestic, who, on learning my errand, ushered me into the presence of +her mistress. Miss Grace Arlington was a very lovely and delicate young +lady, whose soft eyes beamed with tenderness and sensibility, whose +voice was as sweet as the music of an angel's harp, while her step was +as light as the tread of a fairy whose tiny feet will not crush the +leaves of a rose. When I handed her the letter, and she recognized the +well known handwriting, she bestowed upon me a winning and grateful +smile which I shall never forget. My heart misgave me as she opened the +missive, for I could well divine its contents; and I almost reproached +myself for being the messenger of such evil tidings. I watched her +closely as she read. She was naturally somewhat pale, but I saw her face +grow ghastly white before she had read two lines. When she had finished +the perusal of the fatal letter, she pressed her hand upon her breast, +murmured "Oh God!" and would have fallen to the floor if I had not +caught her in my arms.</p> + +<p>"Curses on my stupidity!" I muttered, as I placed her insensible form +upon a sofa—"I ought to have prepared her gradually for the terrible +announcement which I knew that letter to contain!"</p> + +<p>I rang the bell furiously, and the almost deafening summons was answered +by half-a-dozen female servants, who, on seeing the condition of their +young Mistress, set up a loud chorus of screams. The uproar brought Mr. +Arlington, the father of the young lady, to the scene. He was a +fine-looking old gentleman, a retired merchant and a <i>millionaire</i>. I +hastened to explain to him all that had occurred, and Anderson's letter, +which lay upon the floor, confirmed my statements. Mr. Arlington was +horror-struck, for he, as well as his daughter, had until that moment +been in happy ignorance of the bloody affair. The old gentleman had +first established Anderson in business, and he had always cherished for +that unfortunate young man the warmest friendship. No wonder, then, that +he was overpowered when he became aware of the tragical end of him whom +he had expected so shortly to become his son-in-law.</p> + +<p>A celebrated physician, who resided next door, was sent for. He happened +to be at home, and arrived almost instantly. He knelt down beside the +broken-hearted girl, and, as his fingers touched her wrist, a look of +profound grief settled upon his benevolent face.</p> + +<p>"Well, Doctor," exclaimed Mr. Arlington, breathlessly, "what is the +matter with my child? She will recover soon, will she not? It is merely +a fainting fit produced by the reception of unwelcome news."</p> + +<p>"Alas, sir!" replied the Doctor, in a tone of deep sympathy, as he +brushed away the tears from his eyes—"I may as well tell you the +melancholy truth at once. The sudden shock caused by the unwelcome news +you speak of, has proved fatal; your daughter is dead!"</p> + +<p>Poor old Arlington staggered to a seat, covered his face with his hands, +and moaned in the agony of his spirits. Notwithstanding all his wealth, +how I pitied him!</p> + +<p>Seeing that I could be of no service whatever, I left the house of +mourning and walked down town in a very thoughtful mood. I had already +begun to enter upon an experience such as few youths of fifteen are ever +called upon to encounter; and I wondered what the dim, uncertain Future +had in store for me.</p> + +<p>However, as the reader will see in the next chapter, I did not long +suffer my mind to be intruded upon by melancholy reflections.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<p><a name="D" id="D"></a><a href="#D_base">[D]</a> Many of my New York readers will remember the "William Street +Tragedy," to which I have alluded. The bloody event created the most +intense excitement at the time of its occurrence. Having witnessed the +horrible affair, I have truly related all the facts concerning it.</p> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IV" id="CHAPTER_IV"></a>CHAPTER IV</h2> + +<h4><i>In which I set forth upon my travels, and met with a great misfortune.</i></h4> + + +<p>Having plenty of means at my disposal, I determined to enjoy myself to +the full extent of my physical and intellectual capacity, for I +remembered the graceful words of the charming poet who sung—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Go it while you're young:</span> +<span class="i0">For, when you get old, you can't!"</span> +</div></div> + +<p>Behold me, at the age of fifteen, fairly launched upon all the +dissipations of a corrupt and licentious city! It is not without a +feeling of shame that I make these confessions; but truth compels me to +do so. I soon became thoroughly initiated into all the mysteries of high +and low life in New York. In my daily and nightly peregrinations I +frequently encountered my old friend Jack Slack; we never spoke, but on +the contrary regarded each other with looks of enmity and defiance. +Stronger and stronger within me grew the presentiment that this +mysterious youth was destined to become my evil genius and the cause of +a great misfortune. Therefore, whenever I met him, I could not help +shuddering with dread.</p> + +<p>Three years passed away in this manner, and I had reached the age of +eighteen, with an unimpaired constitution and a firm belief that I was +destined to exist for ever. I had lived luxuriously upon the earnings of +my pen, for I was a regular contributor to the Knickerbroker Magazine +and other popular periodicals. Having accumulated considerable money, +notwithstanding my extravagance, I resolved to take a Southern tour, +visiting Philadelphia, Washington, and other cities of note. +Accordingly, one fine day, I found myself established in comfortable +quarters, at the most fashionable hotel in the "city of brotherly love." +I became a regular frequenter of the theatres and other places of +amusement, and formed the acquaintance of many actors and literary +people. It was here that I had the honor of being introduced to Booth, +the great tragedian, now dead; to "Ned Forrest," the American favorite; +to "Uncle" J.R. Scott, as fine a man as ever drank a noggin of ale or +ate a "dozen raw," and to Major Richardson, the author of "Wacousta," +and the "Monk Knight of St. John," the latter being one of the most +voluptuous works ever written. Poor Major! his was a melancholy end. He +was formerly a Major in the British army, and was a gentleman by birth, +education and principle. Possessing a fine person, a generous heart and +the most winning manners, he was a general favorite with his associates. +He became the victim of rapacious publishers, and grew poor. Too proud +to accept of assistance from his friends, he retired to obscure lodgings +and there endeavored to support himself by the productions of his pen. +But his spirit was broken and his intellect crushed by the base +ingratitude of those who should have been his warmest friends. Often +have I visited him in his garret—for he actually occupied one; and, +with a bottle of whiskey before us, we have condemned the world as being +full of selfishness, ingratitude and villainy. Winter came on, and the +Major had no fuel, nor the means of procuring any. I have repeatedly +called upon him and found him sitting in the intensely cold atmosphere +of his miserable apartment, wrapped in a blanket and busily engaged in +writing with a hand that was blue and trembled with the cold. He firmly +refused to receive aid, in any shape, from his friends; and they were +obliged to witness his gradual decay with sad hearts. The gallant Major +always persisted in denying that he needed anything; he swore his garret +was the most comfortable place in the world, and that the introduction +of a fire would have been preposterous; he always affirmed with a round +military oath, that he "lived like a fighting-cock," and was never +without his bottle of wine at dinner; yet I once came upon him rather +unexpectedly, and found him dining upon a crust of bread and a red +herring. Sometimes, but rarely, he appeared at the theatres, and, upon +such occasions, he was always scrupulously well-dressed, for Major +Richardson would never appear abroad otherwise than as a gentleman. +Want, privation and disappointment finally conquered him; he grew thin, +and haggard, and melancholy, and reserved, and discouraged the visits of +his friends who used to love to assemble at his humble lodgings and +avail themselves of his splendid conversational powers, or listen to his +personal reminiscences and racy anecdotes of military life. One morning +he was found dead in his bed; and his death caused the most profound +grief in the breasts of all who knew him as he deserved to be known, and +who respected him for his many excellent qualities of head and heart. +His remains received a handsome and appropriate burial; and many a tear +was shed o'er the grave of him who had been a gallant soldier and a +celebrated author, but a truly wronged and most unfortunate man.</p> + +<p>The reader will, I am sure, pardon this digression, for I was anxious to +do justice to the memory of a much-valued friend and literary brother. I +now resume the direct course of my narrative, and come to the darkest +portion of my career.</p> + +<p>One night, in a billiard room, I had a very unpleasant encounter with an +old acquaintance. I observed, at one of the tables, a young man whose +countenance seemed strangely familiar to me, although I did not +immediately recognize him. He was dressed in the extreme of fashion, and +his upper lip was darkened by an incipient moustache—the result, +doubtless, of many months of industrious cultivation. A cigar was in his +mouth, and a billiard-cue was in his hand; and he profusely adorned his +conversation with the most extravagant oaths. Altogether, he seemed to +be a very "fast" young man; and I puzzled my brain in endeavoring to +remember where I had met him before.</p> + +<p>Suddenly, he raised his eyes, and their gaze encountered mine; then I +wondered that I had not before recognized "my old friend," Jack Slack!</p> + +<p>"This fellow is my evil genius; he follows me everywhere," thought I, +turning to leave the saloon. Would to heaven that I had never entered +it! But regrets are useless now.</p> + +<p>Jack stepped after me, and detained me. I instantly saw that trouble was +about to come.</p> + +<p>"Greenhorn," said Jack, with an air of angry reproach, as he laid his +hand upon my shoulder—"why do you so continually avoid me? What in the +devil's name have I ever done to deserve this treatment? Have I ever +injured you in any way? Damn it, we are equal in age, and in +disposition—let us be friends. I can put you in a way, in this city, to +enjoy the tallest kind of sport. Give me your hand, and let's go up to +the bar and take a social drink."</p> + +<p>"Jack," said I, seriously and very calmly—"I will shake hands with you +in friendship, but I candidly confess that I do not like you; and I +believe that it will be better for us both not to associate together at +all. Observe me!—I have no hard feelings against you;—you are a clever +fellow, and generous to a fault; but something whispers to me that we +must not be companions, and I therefore respectfully desire you not to +speak to me again. Good night."<a href="#E">[E]</a><a name="E_base" id="E_base"></a></p> + +<p>I turned to go, but Jack placed himself directly in my path, and said, +in a voice that was hoarse with passion—</p> + +<p>"Stay and hear me. We must not part in this way. Do you think that I +will tamely submit to be <i>cut</i> in a manner so disgraceful? Do you think +that I am going to remain the object of an unfounded and ridiculous +prejudice? Explain yourself, and apologize, or by G——, it will be the +worse for you!"</p> + +<p>"Explain myself—apologize!" I scornfully repeated—"you are a fool, and +don't know to whom you are talking. Let me go."</p> + +<p>"No!" passionately screamed my enraged antagonist, who was somewhat +intoxicated—"you must stay and hear me out. I may as well throw off the +mask at once. Know, then, that I hate you like hell-fire, and that, the +very first time I saw you, I resolved to make you as bad as myself. +Therefore did I induce you to drink, and visit disreputable places. The +cool contempt with which you have always treated me, had increased my +hatred ten-fold. I thirst for vengeance, and <i>I'll fix you yet</i>!"</p> + +<p>"Do your worst," said I, contemptuously; and again did I essay to take +my departure. Meanwhile, during the quarrel, the frequents of the saloon +had gathered around and appeared to enjoy the scene highly.</p> + +<p>"If he has given you any cause of offence, Jack, why don't you pitch +into him?" suggested a half-drunken fellow who bore the enviable +reputation of being a most expert pickpocket.</p> + +<p>Jack unfortunately adopted the suggestion, and struck me with all his +force. I of course returned the blow, with very tolerable effect.—Had +the row commenced and terminated in mere <i>fisticuffs</i> all would have +been well, and I should not now be called upon to write down the details +of a bloody tragedy.</p> + +<p>Drawing a dirk-knife from his breast, Jack attacked me with the utmost +fury. I then did what any other person, situated as I was, would have +done—I acted in my own defence. "Self-defence" is universally +acknowledged to be the "first law of nature." There was I, a stranger, +savagely attacked by a young man armed with a dangerous weapon, and +surrounded by his friends and associates—a desperate set, who seemed +disposed to assist in the task of demolishing me.</p> + +<p>I quickly drew from my pocket a pistol, without which, at that time, I +never travelled. Before, however, I could cock and level it, my +infuriated enemy dashed his dirk-knife into my face, and the point +entered my right eye. It was fortunate that the weapon did not penetrate +the brain, and cause my instant death.</p> + +<p>Maddened by the horrible pain which I suffered, and believing myself to +be mortally wounded, I raised the pistol and discharged it. Jack Slack +fell to the floor, a corpse, his head being shattered to pieces. <i>I +never regretted the act.</i></p> + +<p>A cry of horror and dismay burst from the lips of all present, on +witnessing this dreadful but justifiable deed of retribution.</p> + +<p>"Gentlemen," said I, as the blood was trickling down my face—"I call +upon you all to witness that I slew this young man in self-defence. He +drove me to commit the deed, and I could not avoid it. I am willing and +anxious to abide the decision of a jury of my countrymen; therefore, +send for an officer, and I will voluntarily surrender myself into his +custody."</p> + +<p>Scarcely had I uttered these words, when the excruciating torment which +I suffered caused me to faint away. When I recovered, I found myself in +a prison-cell, with a bandage over my damaged optic, and a physician +feeling my pulse.</p> + +<p>"Ah!" said I, looking around, "I am in <i>limbo</i>, I see. Well, I do not +fear the result. But, doctor, am I seriously injured—am I likely to +kick the bucket?"</p> + +<p>"Not at all," was the doctor's encouraging reply—"but you have lost the +sight of your eye."</p> + +<p>"Oh, is <i>that</i> all?" said I with a laugh—"well, I believe that it is +said in the Bible somewhere, that it is better to enter the kingdom of +heaven with one eye than to go to the devil with two."</p> + +<p>The physician departed for his home, and I departed for the land of +dreams. The pain of my wound had considerably mitigated, and I slept +quite comfortably.</p> + +<p>I have always been somewhat of a philosopher in the way of enduring the +ills of life, and I tried to reconcile myself to my misfortune and +situation with as good a grace as possible. In this I succeeded much +better than might have been expected. When a person loses an eye and is +at the same time imprisoned for killing another individual, it is +certainly natural for that unfortunate person to yield to despair; but, +seeing the uselessness of grief, I resolved to "face the music" with all +the courage of which I was possessed.</p> + +<p>Two or three days passed away, and I became almost well—for, to use a +common expression, I owned the constitution of a horse. The newspapers +which I was allowed to send out and purchase, made me acquainted with +something that rather surprised me, for they communicated to me the +information that Jack Slack, the young gentleman to whom I had presented +a ticket of admission to the other world, was a person whose <i>real</i> name +was John Shaffer, <i>alias</i> Slippery Jack, <i>alias</i> Jack Slack. His +profession was that of a pickpocket, in which avocation he had always +been singularly expert. He was well known to the police, and had been +frequently imprisoned. I was gratified to see that the newspapers all +justified me in what I had done, and predicted my honorable discharge +from custody. That prediction proved correct; for, after I had been in +confinement a week, the Grand Jury failed to bring a bill of indictment +against me, and I was consequently set at liberty.</p> + +<p>Tired of Philadelphia, I went to Washington. A New York member of +Congress, with whom I was well acquainted, volunteered to show me the +"lions;" and I had the honor of a personal introduction to Mr. Van Buren +and other distinguished official personages. Some people would be +surprised if they did but know of the splendid dissipation that prevails +among the "dignitaries of the nation" at Washington.</p> + +<p>I have seen more than one member of the United States Senate staggering +through the streets, from what cause the reader will have no difficulty +in judging. I have seen a great statesman, since deceased, carried from +an after-dinner table to his chamber. I have seen the honorable +Secretary of one of the National departments engaged in a brawl in a +brothel. I have seen Representatives fighting in a bar-room like so many +rowdies, and I have heard them use language that would disgrace a beggar +in his drink. I need not allude to the many outrageous scenes which have +been enacted in the councils of the nation; for the newspapers have +already given them sufficient publicity.</p> + +<p>Leaving Washington, I journeyed South, and, after many adventures which +the limits of this work will not permit me to describe, I arrived in the +City of New Orleans. I had no difficulty in procuring a lucrative +situation as reporter on a popular daily newspaper; and enjoyed free +access to all the theatres and other places of amusement.—I remained in +New Orleans just one year; but, not liking the climate,—and finding, +moreover, that I was living too "<i>fast</i>," and accumulating no money,—I +resolved to "pull up stakes" and start in a Northerly direction. +Accordingly, I returned to Philadelphia.</p> + +<p>It would have been much better for me had I remained in New Orleans, for +the hardest kind of times prevailed in the "Quaker City," on my arrival +there. It was almost impossible to obtain employment of any description; +and many actors, authors and artists, as well as mechanics, were most +confoundedly "hard up." I soon exhausted the contents of my purse; and, +like the Prodigal Son, "began to be in want."</p> + +<p>One fine day, in a very disconsolate mood, I was wandering through an +obscure street, when I encountered a former lady acquaintance, whom, I +trust, the reader has not forgotten.</p> + +<p>But the particulars of that unexpected encounter, and the details of +what subsequently transpired, are worthy of a separate chapter.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<p><a name="E" id="E"></a><a href="#E_base">[E]</a> It is singular, but it is true, that a few nights prior to the +tragical occurrences which I am about to relate, I saw, in a dream, a +perfect and exact fore-shadow of the whole melancholy affair! Who can +explain this mystery?</p> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_V" id="CHAPTER_V"></a>CHAPTER V</h2> + +<h4><i>I encountered a lady acquaintance, and, like a knight errant of old, +became the champion of beauty.</i></h4> + + +<p>A musical voice pronounced my name; and looking up, I saw a very +handsome woman seated at the window of a rather humble wooden tenement, +the first floor of which was occupied as a cheap grocery. I immediately +recognised my old acquaintance, Mrs. Raymond, the pretty widow of the +fashionable boarding-house in William street, New York—she who had +carried on an intrigue with Mr. Romaine. I have, in a former chapter, +described the terrible affair in which Romaine slew his wife and +Anderson her paramour—and then killed himself.</p> + +<p>I need scarcely say that this encounter with Mrs. Raymond, under such +peculiar circumstances, rather astonished me. I had known her as a lady +of wealth, and the most elegant and fastidious tastes; and yet here I +found her living in an obscure and disreputable portion of the city, and +occupying a house which none but the victims of poverty would ever have +consented to dwell in.</p> + +<p>"Wait until I come down and conduct you up stairs," said Mrs. Raymond; +and she disappeared from the window.</p> + +<p>In a few moments she opened the door leading to the upper part of the +house; and having warmly shaken hands with me, she desired me to follow +her. I complied, and was shown into an apartment on the second floor.</p> + +<p>"This is my room, and my only one; don't laugh at it," said Mrs. +Raymond, with a melancholy smile.</p> + +<p>I looked around me. The room was small, but scrupulously clean; and, +notwithstanding the scantiness and humility of the furniture, a certain +air of refinement prevailed. I have often remarked that it is impossible +for a person who has been accustomed to the elegancies of life, to +become so low, in fortune or character, as to entirely lose every trace +of former superiority.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"You may break, you may ruin the vase, if you will,</span> +<span class="i0">But the scent of the roses will cling 'round it still!"</span> +</div></div> + +<p>Mrs. Raymond's apartment merely contained a fine table, two or three +common chairs, a closet, a bed, and a harp—the relic of better and +happier days. The uncarpeted floor was almost as white as snow—and +certainly no snow could be purer or whiter than the drapery of her +unpretending couch.</p> + +<p>We sat down—I and my beautiful hostess—and entered into earnest +conversation. I examined the lady with attention. She had lost none of +her former radiant beauty, and I fancied that a shade of melancholy +rather enhanced her charms. Her dress was coarse and plain, but very +neat, like everything else around her. Never before, in the course of my +rather extensive experience, had I beheld a more interesting and +fascinating woman; and never shall I forget that day, as we sat together +in her little room, with the soft sunlight of a delightful May afternoon +pouring in through the windows.</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"It haunts me still, though many a year has fled,</span> +<span class="i0">Like some wild melody."</span> +</div></div> + +<p>"My dear friend," said Mrs. Raymond, accompanying her words with a look +of the deepest sympathy, "I see that you have met with a great +misfortune. Pardon me, if—"</p> + +<p>"You shall know all," said I; and then I proceeded to make her +acquainted with all that had happened to me since the occurrence of the +William street tragedy. Of course, I did not omit to give her the full +particulars of my fatal affray with Jack Slack, as that accounted for +the "great misfortune" to which she had alluded. When I had finished my +narration, the lady sighed deeply and said—</p> + +<p>"Ah, my friend, we have both been made the victims of cruel misfortune. +You see me to-day penniless and destitute; I, formerly so rich, courted +and admired. Have you the time and patience to listen to my melancholy +story?"</p> + +<p>I eagerly answered in the affirmative; and Mrs. Raymond spoke as +follows:—</p> + +<p>"After that terrible affair in William street—the recollection of which +still curdles my blood with horror—I took up my abode in a private +family at the lower end of Broadway. I soon formed the acquaintance of a +gentleman of fine appearance, and agreeable address, named Livingston, +who enjoyed the enviable reputation of being a person of wealth and a +man of honor. I was pleased with him, and noticing my partiality, he +made violent love to me. Tired of living the life of a single +woman—desirous of securing a protection, and wishing to become an +honorable wife instead of a mistress—I did not reject him, for he moved +in the very highest circles, and seemed to be in every way +unobjectionable. I will not weary you with the details of our courtship; +suffice it to say that we were married. We took an elegant house in one +of the up-town avenues; and, for a time, all went well. After a while, I +discovered that my husband had no fortune whatever; but I loved him too +well to reproach him—and besides, he had never represented himself to +me as being a man of wealth; it was the circle in which he moved which +had bestowed upon him that reputation. Also, I considered that my +fortune was sufficient for us both. Therefore, the discovery of his +poverty did not in the least diminish my regard for him. It was not long +before the extensive demands which he kept constantly making upon my +purse, alarmed me; I feared that he had fallen into habits of gambling; +and I ventured to remonstrate with him upon his extravagance. He +confessed his fault, entreated my forgiveness, and promised amendment. +Of course, I forgave him; for a loving wife can forgive anything in her +husband but <i>infidelity</i>. But he did <i>not</i> reform; he continued his +ruinous career; and my fortune melted away like snow beneath the rays of +the sun. The man possessed such an irresistible influence over me, that +I never could refuse an application on his part for money. I believed +that he sincerely loved me, and that was enough for me—I asked for no +more. I entertained romantic notions of 'love in a cottage.'</p> + +<p>"At length my fortune was all gone—irrevocably gone. 'No matter,' I +thought—'I have still my dear husband left; nothing can ever take him +away from me. I will share poverty with him, and we shall be happy +together.' We gave up our splendid mansion, and sold our magnificent +furniture, and rented a small but respectable house. And now my blood +boils to relate how that villain Livingston served me—for he was a +villain, a cool, deliberate, black-hearted one. He deserted me, carrying +off with him what little money and the few jewels I still possessed, +thus leaving me entirely destitute. But what added to my +affliction,—nay, I should rather say my maddening rage, was a note +which the base scoundrel had written and left behind him, in which he +mockingly begged to be excused for his absence, and stated that he had +other wives to attend to in other cities. 'I never loved you,' he wrote +in that infamous letter, every word of which is branded upon my heart as +with a pen of fire—'I never loved you, and my only object in marrying +you was to enjoy your fortune; I have no further use for you. It may +console you to know that the principal portion of the large sums of +money which you gave me from time to time, was applied, not as you +imagined to the payment of gambling debts, but to the support of two +voluptuous mistresses of mine, whom I kept in separate establishments +that were furnished with almost regal splendor. Thus did you +unconsciously contribute to the existence of two rivals, who received a +greater share of my attentions than you did. In conclusion, as you are +now without resources, I would advise you to sell your charms to the +highest bidder. There are many wealthy and amorous gentlemen in New +York, who will pay you handsomely for your smiles and kisses. I shall +not be jealous of their attentions to my <i>sixth wife</i>! I intend to marry +six more within the next six months. Yours truly, LIVINGSTON.' Thus +wrote the accursed wretch, for whom I had sacrificed +everything—fortune, position in society, and friends; for who among my +fashionable acquaintances, would associate with an impoverished and +deserted wife? Not one. Furious at Livingston's treatment of me, I +resolved to follow him, even unto the end of the earth, in order to +avenge my wrongs. By careful inquiry, I learned that he had taken his +departure for the western part of the state of Pennsylvania. You will +hardly credit it, but it is God's truth, that being without money to pay +travelling expenses, I actually set out <i>on foot</i>, and travelled through +New Jersey until I reached this city. I subsisted on the road by +soliciting the hospitality of the farmers, which was in most cases +grudgingly and scantily bestowed, for <i>benevolence</i> is not a prominent +characteristic of the New Jersey people,<a href="#F">[F]</a><a name="F_base" id="F_base"></a> and besides, there was +certainly something rather suspicious in the idea of a well-dressed +woman travelling on foot, and alone. On my arrival here in Philadelphia, +I found myself worn out and exhausted by the fatiguing journey which I +had performed. Having called upon some kind Quaker ladies of whose +goodness I had often heard, I told them my sad history, which aroused +their warmest sympathies. They placed me in this apartment, paid a +month's rent in advance, purchased for me the articles of furniture +which you see, and obtained for me some light employment. I worked +industriously, and almost cheerfully, my object being to earn money +enough to carry me to Pittsburg, in Western Pennsylvania, where, I have +reason to believe, the villain has located himself.</p> + +<p>"In my moments of leisure, I longed for some means of recreation; for I +saw no company, and was very lonesome. So I wrote on to New York, and +through the agency of a kind friend, had my harp sent out to me here, +the rest of my poor furniture being presented to that friend. Then did +the divine charm of music lighten the burden of my sorrows. One +circumstance rather discouraged me: I found that with the utmost +industry I could not earn more than sufficient to pay my rent and other +necessary expenses, although I lived frugally, almost on bread and +water, except on Sundays, when I would manage to treat myself to a cup +of tea. You may smile at these trifling details, my dear friend, but I +mention them to show you the hardships and privations to which poor +women are often exposed. My landlady, who keeps the grocery store down +stairs, is a coarse, vulgar, hard-hearted woman; and, when I was thrown +out of employment in consequence of the hardness of the times, and could +not pay her rent, she not only abused me dreadfully, but annoyed me by +making the most infamous suggestions, proposing that I should embrace a +life of prostitution, and offering to procure me plenty of 'patrons.' I, +of course, indignantly repelled the horrible proposals—but, would you +believe it? she actually introduced into my apartment an old, +gray-haired and well-dressed libertine, for a purpose which you can +easily imagine. The old villain, however, decamped when I displayed a +small dagger, and declared that I would kill myself rather than become +his victim. This conduct of mine still further incensed my landlady +against me; and I expect every moment to be turned out into the street. +It is true that I might raise a small sum of money by the sale of my +harp, which is a very superior instrument, but as it was the gift of my +first husband, I cannot endure the thought of parting with it, for there +are associated with it some of the fondest recollections of my life. I +am sure that if those kind Quaker ladies had known the character of this +house and the neighborhood around it, they would not have placed me +here. Heaven only knows what I have suffered, and still suffer. I live +in constant dread that some ruffian, instigated by my landlady, who +wishes to gratify both her avarice and malignity, may break in upon me +some time when I am off my guard, and make me the victim of a brutal +outrage. This fear keeps me awake nights, and makes my days miserable. +Nor is this all; I have not tasted food since the day before yesterday."</p> + +<p>"Good God!" I exclaimed—"is it possible? Oh, accursed be the +circumstances which have made us both so misfortunate; and doubly +accursed be that scoundrel Livingston, the author of all your sorrows. +By heavens! I will seek him out, and terribly punish him for his base +conduct towards you. Yes, my dear Mrs. Raymond—for such I shall +continue to call you, notwithstanding your marriage to that monster +Livingston—rest assured that your wrongs shall be avenged.—The villain +shall rue the day when he made a play-thing of a woman's heart, robbed +her of her fortune, and then left her to poverty and despair!"</p> + +<p>[This language of mine may seem rather theatrical and romantic; but the +reader will please to remember that I was only nineteen years of age at +the time of its utterance—a period of life not remarkable for sobriety +of language or discretion of conduct. Were that interview to take place +<i>to-day</i>, I should probably thus express myself:—"My dear Mrs. Raymond, +I advise you to forget the d——d rascal and put on the tea-kettle, +while I rush out and negotiate for some <i>grub</i>!"]</p> + +<p>Mrs. Raymond gratefully pressed my hand, and said—</p> + +<p>"I thank you for thus espousing my cause;—but, my dear friend, <i>mine</i> +must be the task of punishing the villain. No other hand but <i>mine</i> +shall strike the blow that will send his black, polluted soul into +eternity!"</p> + +<p>These fierce words, which were pronounced with the strongest emphasis, +caused me to look at my fair hostess with some degree of astonishment; +and no wonder—for the quiet, elegant lady had been suddenly transferred +into the enraged and revenge-thirsting woman. She looked superbly +beautiful at that moment;—her cheeks glowed, her eyes sparkled, and her +bosom heaved like the waves of a stormy sea.</p> + +<p>"Well," said I—"we will discuss that matter hereafter. Have the +goodness to excuse my absence for a few minutes. I have a little errand +to perform."</p> + +<p>She smiled, for she knew the nature of my errand. I went down stairs and +walked up the street, in the greatest perplexity; for—let me whisper it +into your ear, reader, I had not a sufficient amount of the current coin +of the realm in my pockets to create a gingle upon a tomb-stone.</p> + +<p>"What the devil shall I do?" said I to myself—"here I have constituted +myself the champion and protector of a hungry lady, and haven't enough +money to purchase a salt herring! Shall I <i>show up</i> my satin waistcoat? +No, d——n it, that won't do, for I <i>must</i> keep up appearances. Can't I +borrow a trifle from some of my friends? No, curse them, they are all as +poverty-stricken as I am! I have it!—I'll test the benevolence of some +<i>gospel-wrestler</i>, and borrow the devil's impudence for the occasion."</p> + +<p>I walked rapidly into a more fashionable quarter of the city, looking +attentively at every door-plate. At last I saw the name, "<i>Reverend +Phineas Porkley</i>."<a href="#G">[G]</a><a name="G_base" id="G_base"></a> That was enough. Without a moment's hesitation I +mounted the steps and rang the bell savagely. The door was opened by a +fat old flunkey with a red nose of an alarming aspect. I rushed by him +into the hall, dashed my hat recklessly upon the table, and shouted—</p> + +<p>"Where's Brother Porkley? Show me to him instantly! Don't dare say he's +out, for I know that he's at home! It's a matter of life and death! +Woman dying—children starving—and the devil to pay generally. Wake +Snakes, you fat porpoise, and conduct me to your master!"</p> + +<p>The flunkey's red nose grew pale with astonishment and fear; yet he +managed to stammer out—</p> + +<p>"'Pon my life, sir—really, sir—Mr. Porkley, sir—he's at home, +certainly, sir—in his library, sir—writing his next Sunday's sermons, +sir—can't see any one, sir—"</p> + +<p>"Catiff, conduct me to his presence!" I exclaimed, in a deep voice, +after the manner of the dissatisfied brigand who desires to "mub" the +false duke in his own ancestral halls.</p> + +<p>Not daring to disobey, the trembling flunkey led the way up one flight +of stairs and pointed to a door, which I abruptly opened. There, in his +library, sat Brother Porkley, a monstrously fat man with a pale, oily +face that contained about as much expression as the surface of a cheese.</p> + +<p>But how was Brother Porkley engaged when I intruded upon him? Was he +writing a sermon, or attentively perusing some good theological work? +Neither. Oh, then perhaps the excellent man was at prayer. Wrong again. +He was merely smoking a short pipe and sipping a glass of brandy and +water, like a sensible man—for is it not better to take one's comfort +than to play the part of a hypocrite? <i>I</i> think so.</p> + +<p>"My dear Brother Porkley," cried I, rushing forward and grasping the +astonished parson by the hand, which I shook with tremendous violence, +"I come on a mission of Charity and Love! I come as a messenger of +Benevolence! I come as a dove of Peace with the olive branch in my claw! +Porkley, greatest philanthropist of the age, <i>come down</i>, for suffering +humanity requires your assistance!"</p> + +<p>"What do you mean, sir?" demanded the reverend Falstaff, as he vainly +strove to extricate his hand from my affectionate grasp, "who are you +and what do you want?"</p> + +<p>"Brother," said I, in a broken voice, as I dashed an imaginary tear from +the tip end of my nose, "in the next street there dwells a poor but +pious family, consisting of a widow woman and her twelve small children. +They live in a cellar, sir, one hundred feet below the surface of the +earth, in the midst of darkness, horror and bull-frogs, which animals +they are compelled to eat in a raw state, in order to exist. Yes <i>sir</i>!"</p> + +<p>"But what is all this to me?"</p> + +<p>"Much, sir, you are a Christian—a clergyman—and a trump. If you do not +assist that distressed family, your reputation for benevolence will not +be worth the first red cent. Those children are howling for +food—bull-frogs being scarce—and that fond mother is dying of +small-pox."</p> + +<p>"Small-pox!"</p> + +<p>"Yes <i>sir</i>! I have attended her during the last five nights, and fear +that I am infected with the disease; but I am willing to lose my life in +the holy cause of charity."</p> + +<p>"Good God, sir! You will communicate the disease to <i>me</i>! Let go my +hand, sir, and leave this house before you load the air with +pestilence!"</p> + +<p>"No, <i>sir</i>! I couldn't think of leaving until you have done something +for the relief of that distressed widow and her twelve small children."</p> + +<p>"D——n the distressed widow and—bless my soul! what am I saying? My +good young man, what will satisfy you?"</p> + +<p>"Five dollars, reverend sir."</p> + +<p>"Here, then, here is the money. Now go, go quickly. Every moment that +you remain here is pregnant with evil. Pray make haste!"</p> + +<p>"But won't you come and pray with the distressed widow and her—"</p> + +<p>"No! If I do may I be—blessed! <i>Will</i> you go!"</p> + +<p>"I'm off, old Porkhead!"</p> + +<p>With these words I bolted out of the library, stumbled over a corpulent +cat that was quietly reposing on the landing, descended the stairs in +two leaps, upset the fat flunkey in the hall, and gained the street in +safety with my booty—a five dollar city bill. I hastened back towards +the residence of Mrs. Raymond, but stopped at an eating-saloon on the +way and loaded myself with provisions ready cooked. I did not forget to +purchase two bottles of excellent wine. Thus provided, I entered the +apartment of Mrs. Raymond, who received me with a smile of gratitude and +joy which I shall never forget.</p> + +<p>We sat down to the table with sharp appetites, and did full justice to +the repast, which was really most excellent. The wine raised our +spirits, and, forgetting our misfortunes, merrily did we chat about old +times in New York, carefully omitting the slightest allusion to the +bloody affair in William street. When we had finished one bottle, Mrs. +Raymond favored me with an air upon her harp, which she played with +exquisite skill. After executing a brilliant Italian waltz, she played +and sang that plaintive song:</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"The light of other days have faded,</span> +<span class="i0">And all their glory's past."</span> +</div></div> + +<p>Just as the song was finished, there came a loud knocking at the door.</p> + +<p>"It is my landlady," said Mrs. Raymond, in a low tone, "conceal +yourself, and you will see how she treats me."</p> + +<p>I stepped into the closet; but through a crevice in the door I could see +all that transpired.</p> + +<p>A fat, vulgar-looking woman entered with a consequential air, and a face +inflamed by drink, gave her a peculiarly repulsive appearance. Of course +she was utterly unconscious of my presence in the house. Taking up her +position in the middle of the apartment, she placed her hands upon her +hips, and said, in a hoarse and angry voice—</p> + +<p>"Come up out o' that! <i>You're</i> a pretty one to be playing and singing, +when you owe me for two months' rent. You have been feasting, too, I +see. Where did you get the money? Why didn't you pay it to <i>me</i>? Have +you any money left?"</p> + +<p>"No I have not."</p> + +<p>"Come up out o' that! Why the devil don't you sell that humstrum of +yours, that harp, I mean, and raise the wind? It will bring a good ten +dollars, I'll be sworn. And why don't you take my advice and earn money +as other women do? You are handsome, the men would run after you like +mad. That nice, rich old gentleman, Mr. Letcher, that I brought to see +you, would have given you any amount of money if you had only treated +him kindly—but you frightened him away. Come up out o' that! Now, what +do you mean to do? I can't let you stay here any longer unless you raise +some money. This evening I'll fetch another nice gentleman here; and if +you cut up any of your <i>tantrums</i> with <i>him</i>, I'll bundle you out into +the street this very night."</p> + +<p>"If you bring any man here to molest me," said Mrs. Raymond, +spiritedly—"I will stab him to the heart, and then kill myself."</p> + +<p>"Come out o' that," screamed the landlady, approaching Mrs. Raymond with +a threatening look, "don't think to frighten me with your tragical +airs. I must have my money, and so I'll take this harp and sell it, in +spite of you!"</p> + +<p>She seized upon the instrument and was about to carry it off, when I +rushed forth from my place of concealment, exclaiming—</p> + +<p>"Come up out o' that! Drop that instrument, you old harridan, or I'll +drop <i>you</i>! Do not imagine that this lady is entirely friendless. I am +here to protect her."</p> + +<p>The astounded landlady put down the harp and began to mutter many +apologies, for I was extremely well dressed, and she probably believed +me to be some person of consequence who had become the protector and +patron of Mrs. Raymond.</p> + +<p>"Oh, sir—I'm sure, sir—I didn't mean, sir—if I had known, sir—I beg +a thousand pardons, sir—"</p> + +<p>"Come up out o' that!" cried I, "leave the room, instantly."</p> + +<p>The landlady vanished with a celerity that was rather remarkable, +considering her extreme corpulence.</p> + +<p>After a short pause, Mrs. Raymond said to me—</p> + +<p>"You see to what abuse my circumstances subject me."</p> + +<p>"Would to God my circumstances were such as to render you that +assistance you so much need; would that I could raise you from such +unendurable misery! But to speak without equivocation, my condition is +as penniless as your own."</p> + +<p>"Then you can, indeed, sympathize with my distress."</p> + +<p>"Most sincerely; but you must not go alone in quest of that villainous +husband;—and money will be necessary."</p> + +<p>"This harp will—"</p> + +<p>"Oh, no—you can never part with it."</p> + +<p>"I must."</p> + +<p>"Then let it be but temporarily. There is a pawnbroker's shop on the +next square, there we can redeem it—if you can for a time endure to +have it removed from your sight."</p> + +<p>"No matter," said my heroine, undauntedly, "a wronged woman can endure +anything when she is in pursuit of vengeance. The weather is delicious; +we will travel leisurely, and have a very pleasant time. Should our +money become exhausted, we will solicit the hospitality of the good old +Pennsylvania farmers, who are renowned for their kindness to travellers, +and who will not refuse a bite and a sup, or a night's shelter, to two +poor wanderers. If you refuse to accompany me, I will go alone."</p> + +<p>"I will go with you to the end of the earth!" I exclaimed, with +enthusiasm, for I could not help admiring the noble courage of that +beautiful woman, whose splendid countenance now glowed with all the +animation of anticipated vengeance.</p> + +<p>She pressed my hand warmly, in acknowledgement of my devotion; and then, +having put on her bonnet and shawl, she announced herself as being in +readiness to set out.</p> + +<p>"I have no valuables of any kind," said she, "and the landlady is +welcome to this furniture, which will discharge my indebtedness to her. +I shall return to this house no more."</p> + +<p>I shouldered the harp, and we left the house without encountering the +amiable landlady.</p> + +<p>To reach the nearest pawnbroker's, it was necessary to pass through one +of the principal streets. To my dismay a crowd of actors, reporters and +others were assembled upon the steps of a hotel. The rascals spied me +out before I could cross over; and so, putting on as bold a front as +possible, I walked on pretending not to notice them, while a "running +commentary," something like the following, was kept up until I was out +of hearing:</p> + +<p>"<i>Stag his knibbs</i>,"<a href="#H">[H]</a><a name="H_base" id="H_base"></a> said the "heavy man" of the Arch street theatre.</p> + +<p>"Thompson, give us a tune!" bawled out a miserable wretch of a light +comedian, or "walking gentleman."</p> + +<p>"Jem Baggs, the <i>Wandering Minstrel</i>, by G——!" yelled a pitiful demon +of a newspaper reporter.</p> + +<p>"Who is that magnificent woman accompanying him?" inquired a dandy +editor, raising his eye-glass and surveying my fair companion with an +admiring gaze.</p> + +<p>"Egad! she's a beauty!" cried all the fellows, in a chorus. Mrs. Raymond +blushed and smiled. It was evident that these expressions of admiration +were not displeasing to her.</p> + +<p>"Excuse those gentlemen," said I to her, apologetically—"they are all +particular friends of mine."</p> + +<p>"I am not offended; indeed they are very complimentary," responded the +lady, with a gay laugh. She had the most musical laugh in the world, and +the most beautiful one to <i>look at</i>, for it displayed her fine, pearly +teeth to the most charming advantage.</p> + +<p>We reached the pawnbroker's and I went boldly in while Mrs. Raymond +waited for me outside the door, for I did not wish her to be exposed to +the mortification of being stared at by those who might be in the shop.</p> + +<p>The pawnbroker was a gentleman of Jewish persuasion, and possessed a +nose like the beak of an eagle. He took the instrument and examined it +carefully,</p> + +<p>"Vat is dish?" said he, "a harp? Oh, dat is no use. We have tousands +such tings offered every day. Dere is no shecurity in mushical +instruments. Vat do you want for it?"</p> + +<p>"Ten dollars," I replied, in a tone of decision.</p> + +<p>"Can't give it," said the Israelite—"it ish too moosh. Give you eight."</p> + +<p>"No," said I, taking up the harp and preparing to depart.</p> + +<p>"Here, den," said <i>my uncle</i>, "I will give you ten, but only shust to +<i>oblishe</i> you—mind dat."</p> + +<p>I duly thanked him for his willingness to <i>oblige</i> me. Uncle Moses gave +me the ticket and money; and I left the shop and rejoined Mrs. Raymond, +to whom I handed over the duplicate and the X.</p> + +<p>"I will take the ticket," said she, smiling—"but you shall keep the +money, for I appoint you my cashier."</p> + +<p>At the suggestion of my fair friend we now sought out a cheap +second-hand clothing establishment, which, fortunately, was kept by a +woman, who, when matters were confidentially explained to her, readily +entered into our plan. Mrs. Raymond and the woman retired into a rear +apartment, while I remained in the shop.</p> + +<p>Half or three-quarters of an hour passed away. At last the door of the +inner apartment was opened and there entered the shop a young person +whom I did not immediately recognize. This person seemed to be a very +beautiful boy, neatly dressed in a cloth jacket and cap, and possessing +a form of the most exquisite symmetry. This pretty and interesting lad +approached me, and tapping me playfully upon the cheek, said—</p> + +<p>"My dear fellow, how do you like me now? Have I not made a change for +the better? How queenly I feel in this strange rig!"</p> + +<p>It was of course Mrs. Raymond who addressed me. Her disguise was +perfect; never before had I seen so complete a transformation, even upon +the stage. No one would have suspected her to be otherwise than what she +seemed, a singularly delicate and handsome boy, apparently about sixteen +years of age.</p> + +<p>I congratulated the lady upon the admirable appearance which she made in +her newly adopted costume, but expressed my regret that she should have +been compelled to part with her magnificent hair.</p> + +<p>"There was no help for it," said she, laughing. "I confess that I +experienced some regret when I felt my hair tumbling from my shoulders; +but the loss was unavoidable, for those tresses would have betrayed my +sex. This good woman, here, proved to be a very expert barber." +Reflecting that a coarse suit of clothes would be just as good and +better, for a dusty road, than a fine suit of broadcloth, I made a +bargain with the proprietress of the shop to exchange my garments for +coarse ones of fustian, she giving me a reasonable sum to +counter-balance the great superiority of my wardrobe. This arrangement +was speedily completed, and I found myself suddenly transformed into a +rustic looking individual, who, in appearance, certainly deserved the +title of a perfect "greenhorn."</p> + +<p>All parties being satisfied, I and my fair companion departed. In the +evening, having supped, we went to the theatre, where I revenged myself +upon the "heavy man," and the "light comedian," who had in the afternoon +made merry at my expense for carrying the harp, by getting up a hiss for +the former gentleman, who knew not one single word of his part, and by +hitting the latter individual upon the nose with an apple, for which +latter feat (as the actor was a great favorite,) I was hounded out of +the theatre, and narrowly escaped being carried to the watch-house. I +and my fair friend then took lodgings for the night at a neighboring +hotel.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<p><a name="F" id="F"></a><a href="#F_base">[F]</a> Some people imagine that New Jersey belongs to the United States. +That opinion I hold to be erroneous.</p> + +<p><a name="G" id="G"></a><a href="#G_base">[G]</a> In this, as in several other cases, I have used a fictitious name, +inasmuch as a number of the persons alluded to in this narrative are +still living.</p> + +<p><a name="H" id="H"></a><a href="#H_base">[H]</a> It is not generally known among "outsiders," that circus people and +actors are in the habit of using among themselves a sort of flash +language which enables them to converse about professional and other +affairs without being understood by outside listeners. If I had room, I +could relate many amusing anecdotes under this head. "<i>Stag his knibbs</i>" +signifies "<i>Look at him</i>."</p> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VI" id="CHAPTER_VI"></a>CHAPTER VI</h2> + +<h4><i>In which is introduced a celebrated Comedian from the Theatre Royal, +Drury Lane, London.</i></h4> + + +<p>The next morning, bright and early, "two travellers might have been +seen" crossing one of the ponderous bridges that lead over the +Schuylkill from Philadelphia to the opposite shore. The one was a stout +young cavalier, arrayed in fustian brown; the other was a pretty youth, +attired in broadcloth blue, and brilliant was his flashing eye, and +coal-black was his hair. By my troth, good masters, a fairer youth ne'er +touched the light guitar within the boudoir of my lady.</p> + +<p>"Now, by my knightly oath," quoth he in fustian brown, "my soul expands +in the soft beauty of this rosy morn, my blood dances merrily through +every vein, and I feel like eating a thundering good breakfast at the +next hostelrie.—What sayest <i>thou</i>, fair youth?"</p> + +<p>"Of a truth, Sir George," quoth he in broadcloth blue, in a voice of +liquid melody, "I am hungered, and would gladly sit me down before a +flagon of coffee, and a goodly platter of ham and eggs."</p> + +<p>"Bravely spoken," quoth the stout young cavalier, with watering mouth; +and then, relapsing into silence, the train journeyed onward.</p> + +<p>Soon they paused before a goodly hostelrie, which bore upon its swinging +signboard the device of "The Pig and the Snuffers."</p> + +<p>"What ho, within there! House, house, I say!" hastily roared the youth +in fustian brown, as he vigorously applied his cowhide boot to the door +of the inn.</p> + +<p>Forth came mine host of the Pig and Snuffers—a jovial knave and a right +merry one, I ween, with mighty paunch and nose of ruby red. Now, by the +rood! a funnier knight than this same Rupert Harmon, ne'er drew a +foaming tankard of nut-brown ale, or blew a cloud from a short pipe in a +chimney corner.</p> + +<p>"Welcome, my masters—a right good welcome," quoth the fat host of the +Pig and Snuffers.</p> + +<p>"Bestir thyself, knave," quoth the cove in fustian brown, as he entered +the inn followed by the pretty youth in broadcloth blue—"beshrew me, I +am devilish hungry, and athirst likewise. Knave, a stoup of sack, and +then let ham, eggs and coffee smoke upon the festive board!"</p> + +<p>"To hear is to obey," said he of the Pig and Snuffers, as he waddled out +of the room in order to give the necessary instructions for breakfast.</p> + +<p>It came! Ha, ha! Shall I attempt to describe that breakfast? Nay—my +powers are inadequate to the task.</p> + +<p>But, dropping the style of my friend, G.P.R. James, the great English +novelist, I shall continue my narrative in my own humble way.</p> + +<p>We breakfasted, and cheerfully set out upon our journey. The weather was +delightful; the odor of spring flowers perfumed the air, and the soft +breeze made music amid the branches of the trees. On every side of us +were the evidences of agricultural prosperity—fine, spacious +farm-houses, immense barns, vast orchards, and myriads of thriving +domestic animals. Sturdy old Dutch farmers, jogging leisurely along in +their great wagons to and from the city, saluted us with a hearty "good +morrow;" and one jolly old fellow who was returning home after having +disposed of a quantity of produce, insisted upon giving us a "lift" in +his wagon. So we got in, and about dark reached the farmer's home—a +substantial and comfortable mansion that indicated its owner to be a man +of considerable wealth.</p> + +<p>I was surprised at the powers of endurance exhibited by my fair friend, +who after a pretty hard day's journey, exhibited not the slightest +symptom of fatigue. She kept up a most exuberant flow of spirits, and +seemed delighted with the novelty of the journey which we had commenced. +She was truly a charming companion, full of wit, sentiment and +intelligence; and I look back upon those days with a sigh of regret—for +such unalloyed happiness I shall never see again.</p> + +<p>The good old farmer, with characteristic hospitality, declared that we +should go not further that night; and we gladly availed ourselves of his +kindness. He introduced us to his wife—a fine old lady, and a famous +knitter of stockings—and also to his only daughter, a plump, rosy, girl +about eighteen years old. This damsel surveyed my disguised companion +with a look of the most intense admiration; and I saw at once that she +had actually fallen in love with Mrs. Raymond!</p> + +<p>"There will be some fun here," said I to myself—"I must keep dark and +watch the movements. The idea of a woman falling love with one of her +own sex, is rather rich!"</p> + +<p>After a capital supper—ye gods, what German sausages!—I accepted the +old farmer's invitation to inspect his barn, cattle, &c. My fair friend +was taken possession of by the amorous Dutch damsel, who seemed to be +particularly anxious to display the beauties of her <i>dairy</i>, which is +always the pride of a farmer's daughter. I could not help laughing at +the look of comical embarrassment which poor Mrs. Raymond assumed, when +the buxom young lady seized her and dragged her off.</p> + +<p>I of course praised the farmer's barn and stock with the air of a judge +of such matters, and we returned to the house, where I applied myself to +the task of entertaining the old lady, and in this I succeeded so well, +that she presented me with a nice pair of stockings of her own knitting.</p> + +<p>After a while, my fair friend and the farmer's daughter returned;—and I +noticed that Mrs. Raymond looked exceedingly annoyed and perplexed, +while the countenance of the Dutch damsel exhibited anger and +disappointment. I could easily guess how matters stood; but, of course, +I said nothing.</p> + +<p>During the evening, my fair friend had an opportunity of speaking to me +in private; and she said to me, with a deep blush, although she could +not help smiling as she spoke—</p> + +<p>"I have something to tell you which is really very awkward and +ridiculous, yet you can't think how it vexes me. Now don't laugh at me +in that provoking manner, but listen. That great, silly Dutch girl, +after showing me her dairy, which is really a very pretty affair and +well worth seeing, suddenly made the most furious love to me—supposing +me, of course, to be what I seem, a boy. I was terribly confused and +frightened, and knew not what to say, nor how to act. Throwing her fat +arms around me, she declared that I was so handsome that she could not +resist me, and that I must become her lover. I told her that I was too +young to know anything about love; and then the creature volunteered to +teach me all about it. Then I intimated that I could not think of +marrying at present, as I was too poor to support a wife; but she +laughed at the idea of matrimony, and said that she only wanted me to be +her little lover. Finally I effected my release by promising to meet her +about midnight, in the orchard by the gate. Now, is not all this very +dreadful—to be persecuted by a big, unrelenting Dutch girl in this +manner?"</p> + +<p>I roared with laughter. It was rude and ungallant, I confess; but how +could I help it? Mrs. Raymond made a desperate effort to become angry; +but so ludicrous was the whole affair, that she could not resist the +contagious influence of my mirth; and she, too, almost screamed with +laughter.</p> + +<p>When our mirth had somewhat subsided, I inquired—</p> + +<p>"Well, are you going to keep an appointment with the Dutch Venus?"</p> + +<p>"What an absurd question! Of course not! She may wait by the orchard +gate all night, for what <i>I</i> care—the great, lubbery fool!"</p> + +<p>"What do you say to <i>my</i> meeting her at the appointed time and place? I +will act as your representative, and make every satisfactory +explanation."</p> + +<p>"You shall do no such thing. How dare you make such a proposition? I am +perfectly astonished at your impudence!"</p> + +<p>The next morning, after breakfast, we prepared to depart. I saw that the +farmer's daughter regarded my fair friend with a ferocious look. The +damsel had probably passed two or three hours in the night air, waiting +for her "faithless swain."</p> + +<p>Having thanked the good old farmer for his hospitality, and received his +blessing in return, we departed.</p> + +<p>It is not my intention to weary the reader with the details of each +day's travel; indeed, my limited space would not admit of such +particularity. I shall, however, as briefly as possible, relate such +incidents of the journey as I may deem especially worthy of mention. +When we reached Lancaster, we discovered that our funds had entirely +given out, for we had lived expensively at taverns on the way, instead +of exercising a judicious economy. How to raise a fresh supply of money +was now the question, and one most difficult to be answered. But an +unexpected stroke of good fortune was in store for us. Strolling into +the bar-room of the principal hotel, I saw a play-bill stuck up on the +wall. This I read with avidity; and then, to my great satisfaction, I +became aware of the fact that an old friend of mine, one Bill Pratt, a +travelling actor and manager, had "just arrived in Lancaster with a +talented company of comedians, who would that evening have the honor of +appearing before the ladies and gentlemen of the above named place in a +series of entertainments at once Moral, Chaste, Instructive and +Classical, at the Town Hall. Admission—twelve-and-a-half cents."</p> + +<p>So read the play-bill. I and my fair friend immediately posted to the +Town Hall, and there I found Brother Pratt busily engaged in arranging +his stage, putting up his scenery, &c. He was prodigiously glad to see +me.<a href="#I">[I]</a><a name="I_base" id="I_base"></a> Among his company I recognized several old acquaintances. I +introduced my travelling companion to the ladies and gentlemen of the +profession; and I do not think that any of them suspected her true sex. +We all dined together at the hotel; and a merry party we certainly were, +"within the limits of becoming mirth." Wit sparkled, conundrums puzzled, +bad puns checked, and rich jokes awoke the laughing echoes of the old +dining-hall. Happy people are those travelling actors—happy because +they are careless, and, in the enjoyment of to-day, think not of the +morrow. Are they not true philosophers?</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Oh, what's the use of sighing,</span> +<span class="i0">Since time is on the wing—</span> +<span class="i0">To-morrow we'll be dying,</span> +<span class="i0">So merrily, merrily sing—</span> +<span class="i0">Tra, la, la!"</span> +</div></div> + +<p>After dining in company with Brother Pratt I seated myself upon the +piazza; and, while we smoked our cheroots, we recalled the past, dwelt +upon the present, and anticipated the future.</p> + +<p>After a considerable amount of desultory conversation, the Brother +suddenly asked me—</p> + +<p>"Who is that handsome little fellow with whom you are travelling?"</p> + +<p>"Oh, he ran away from home in order to see something of the world, as +well as to avoid being apprenticed to a laborious trade," was my reply, +for I did not consider it at all necessary to let my friend into the +secret.</p> + +<p>"He's a lad of spirit, and I like him," rejoined the Brother. "If he +went upon the stage, what a splendid court page he'd make! But where are +you going? Tell me all about it."</p> + +<p>I told the Brother all that was necessary for him to know.</p> + +<p>"And so," said he, reflectively, "you are entirely out of funds. That's +bad. We must raise you some cash, in some way or other. I will +immediately cause bills to be printed, announcing that 'the manager has +the pleasure of informing his numerous patrons that he has, at enormous +expense, succeeded in effecting a brief engagement with Mr. George +Thompson, the celebrated comedian from the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, +London, who will make his first appearance in his celebrated character +of Robert Macaire, in the great drama of that name, as performed by him +upwards of two hundred nights before crowded and fashionable audiences +including the royalty, nobility and gentry of England, who greeted him +with the most terrific and enthusiastic yells of applause, and Her +Majesty the Queen was so delighted with the masterly and brilliant +representation, that she presented Mr. Thompson with a magnificent +diamond ring valued at five thousand pounds sterling, which ring will be +exhibited to the audience at the conclusion of the performance.' How +will <i>that</i> do, my boy? We'll raise the price of admission to +twenty-five cents on account of the extra attraction. I'll play Jaques +Strop, the house will be crammed, and you will go on your way rejoicing, +with a full pocket."</p> + +<p>"I say, old fellow," I gravely remarked—"are you not laying it on a +<i>little too thick</i>?"</p> + +<p>"Not at all," coolly replied the brother as he carefully knocked the +ashes off the end of his cigar, "not at all. Humbug is the order of the +day. I'll get a flashy ring to represent the one presented to you by +the queen. You know enough about stage business to play the part of +Robert Macaire very respectably and you also know that I am not very +slow in Jaques Strop. You'll make a hit, depend on it. I'll get you the +book, and you can look over the part. What you don't learn you can +gag.<a href="#J">[J]</a><a name="J_base" id="J_base"></a> I'll announce you for to-morrow night. Leave all to me; I'll +arrange everything. Let's go in and drink!"</p> + +<p>I was soon master of the part; and, at the end of the next day's +rehearsal, I was found to be "dead letter perfect." The manager and the +members of his company congratulated me on the success which I was sure +to meet with. Meanwhile, the town had been flooded with bills, which +made the same extravagant announcement that Brother Pratt had suggested +to me. Public expectation and curiosity were worked up to the highest +pitch; and a crowd of excited people assembled in front of the principal +hotel, in anticipation of the sudden arrival of the "distinguished +comedian" in a splendid coach drawn by four superb white horses, and +attended by a retinue of servants in magnificent livery.</p> + +<p>Evening came, and the large hall was crowded almost to suffocation, +although the price of tickets had been doubled. I was full of +confidence, having fortified myself by imbibing several glasses of +brandy and water. Just before going on the stage Brother Pratt was, to +use a common expression, "pretty well over the bay." Well, to make a +long story as short as possible, I went on at the proper time, followed +by Jaques Strop. My appearance was greeted with a perfect whirlwind of +applause, which lasted four or five minutes. Taking off my dilapidated +beaver, I gracefully bowed my thanks and then began the part which +commences thus:</p> + +<div class="blockquot"><p>"Come along, comrade, put your best leg foremost. What are you +afraid of? We are out of danger now, and shall soon reach the +frontier."</p></div> + +<p>I may say without egotism, that I got through the part remarkably well, +and I certainly kept the audience in a continual roar of laughter. Mrs. +Raymond occupied a front seat;—and her encouraging smile sustained me +throughout the play. When the piece was over, I was loudly called for.</p> + +<p>"Now, my boy," said Brother Pratt to me, "go in front of the curtain and +make a rip-staving speech—I know you can do it. Say that at the urgent +solicitation of the manager, you have consented to appear to-morrow +night as Jem Baggs, in the Wandering Minstrel."</p> + +<p>"Very good," said I, "but these people will now want to see the ring +which Queen Victoria presented to me. How shall I manage that?"</p> + +<p>"Easy enough," replied the Brother, as he drew from his pocket and +handed me a big brass ring ornamented with a piece of common glass about +the size of a hen's egg.</p> + +<p>Out I stepped in front of the curtain. A bouquet as large as a cabbage +struck me in the face, and fell at my feet. The giver of this delicate +compliment was an ancient female very youthfully dressed. I picked up +the bouquet, and pressed it to my heart. This was affecting, it melted +the audience to tears. Silence having been obtained, I made a bombastic +speech, which Brother Pratt afterwards declared to be the best he had +ever heard delivered in front of the "green baize." I spoke of being a +stranger in a strange land, of the warm welcome which I received, of +eternal gratitude, of bearing with me beyond the ocean the remembrance +of their kindness, admitted that I was closely allied to the British +aristocracy, but declared that my sentiments were purely republican and +in favor of the "Star-Spangled Banner."</p> + +<p>Here there was a tempest of applause and when it had subsided, the +orchestra, consisting of a fiddle and a bass-drum, struck up the +favorite national air which my words had suggested. Then I exhibited the +diamond ring which had been presented to me by the Queen of England; +and, as the spectators viewed the royal gift, the most profound silence +prevailed among them. When I had sufficiently gratified them by +displaying the lump of brass and glass, I remarked that I would appear +on the next evening as Jem Baggs in the Wandering Minstrel. This +announcement was received with shouts of approbation; and bowing almost +to the foot-lights, I withdrew.</p> + +<p>The next night, the audience was equally large and enthusiastic, and my +"farewell speech" was so deeply affecting, that there was not a dry eye +in the house.</p> + +<p>Brother Pratt urged me to become a regular member of his company; but, +although he offered me a good salary, and glowingly depicted the +pleasant life of a strolling player, I declined, not having any ambition +in that way. Besides, it was my duty to get on to Pittsburg with Mrs. +Raymond, without any unnecessary delay.</p> + +<p>Having received nearly fifty dollars as my share of the proceeds, I took +my leave of Brother Pratt and his company; and, accompanied, of course, +by my fair friend, resumed my journey.</p> + +<p>I wish I had sufficient time and space to describe all the adventures +through which we passed, prior to our arrival in Pittsburg. But such +details would occupy too much room, and I must make the most of the few +pages that are left for me to occupy.</p> + +<p>We crossed the Alleghanies, and, taking the canal at Johnstown, soon +reached Pittsburg. Here we made some essential improvements in our +garments, and put up at a respectable hotel, Mrs. Raymond still +sustaining her masculine character.</p> + +<p>By diligent inquiry, we learned that the villain, Livingston, was in the +city; and my fair friend prepared to avenge the base wrongs which he had +inflicted upon her.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<p><a name="I" id="I"></a><a href="#I_base">[I]</a> All who have the good fortune to know Bill Pratt <i>alias</i> "The +Original Beader," will acknowledge that a wittier, funnier or better man +never breathed.</p> + +<p><a name="J" id="J"></a><a href="#J_base">[J]</a> This word, in theatrical parlance, signifies "to employ language +which the author of the play never wrote."</p> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VII" id="CHAPTER_VII"></a>CHAPTER VII</h2> + +<h4><i>A deed of blood and horror.</i></h4> + + +<p>We had no difficulty in ascertaining the place of Livingston's abode; +for he was well known in the city. He resided in a handsome house +situated on one of the principal streets; and we discovered that the +lawless rascal was actually engaged in the practice of the law!</p> + +<p>"My dear friend," said Mrs. Raymond to me one day, as we were strolling +along the banks of the river, "I will not suffer you to involve yourself +in any trouble on my account. You must have nothing to do with this +Livingston. You must remain entirely in the back-ground. To me belongs +the task of punishing him. I tell you frankly that I shall kill the man. +He is not fit to live, and he must not be permitted to continue his +career of villainy. Whatever may be my fate, do not, I entreat you, by +unhappy on my account. When I have shed the heart's blood of Livingston, +I shall be willing to die upon the scaffold. To the very last moment of +my life, I shall cherish for you a sentiment of the most affectionate +gratitude; you sacrificed all your own plans in order to accompany me +here, and, throughout the entire long journey, you have treated me with +a degree of kindness and attention, which I can never forget while life +remains. But a truce to melancholy; let us change the subject."</p> + +<p>"With all my heart," said I; and leaving the river side, we walked up +into the centre of the city.</p> + +<p>We passed an elegant dwelling-house on the door of which was a silver +plate bearing the name "Livingston." This was the residence of the +villain who ruined Mrs. Raymond.</p> + +<p>A carriage drove up before the door, and from it leaped a tall, +fine-looking man, dressed in the height of fashion. He assisted a +beautiful and elegantly attired lady to alight from the vehicle, and +conducted her into the house.</p> + +<p>"That man is Livingston, and that woman must be <i>one of his wives</i>," +said Mrs. Raymond, with a bitter smile, as she placed her hand in her +bosom, where, I knew, she carried a dirk-knife.</p> + +<p>"My friend," resumed she, after a pause, "leave me; I may as well +perform my bloody task now, as at any other time. I will invent some +pretext for requesting an interview with Livingston, and then, without +uttering a single word, I will stab him to the heart. Farewell, forget +me, and be happy!"</p> + +<p>"Stay," said I—"you must not leave me thus. Let me persuade you to +abandon, at least for the present, your terrible design with reference +to Livingston. You are agitated, excited; wait until you are cool, and +capable of sober reflections."</p> + +<p>Mrs. Raymond regarded me with a look of anger, as she said, +passionately—</p> + +<p>"And was it for the purpose of giving me such advice as <i>this</i>, that you +accompanied me from Philadelphia to this city? You knew, all the while, +the object of my journey, and yet now, in the eleventh hour, when an +excellent opportunity presents itself for the accomplishment of that +object, you seek to dissuade me from my purpose. Have I entirely +mistaken your character? Are you really as weak-minded, and as devoid of +courage and spirit, as your language would seem to indicate? When that +young ruffian mutilated you in Philadelphia, didn't you consider that +you acted perfectly right? Well, this Livingston has destroyed the +happiness of my life, and transformed me from a lady of wealth into a +penniless beggar. Say does he not deserve to <i>die</i>?"</p> + +<p>"Why—yes," was my reluctant reply—"but then it seems too terrible to +go about the horrible business deliberately, and in cold blood."</p> + +<p>"He coolly and deliberately planned and effected the ruin of my peace, +happiness and fortune," rejoined Mrs. Raymond, in a tone of fixed +determination—"and it is therefore but just that he should be coolly +and deliberately slain. Once more, farewell; by everything sacred, I +swear that you shall not turn me from my purpose. My regard for you is +great—but, if you seek to detain me by force, your heart shall be made +acquainted with the point of my knife!"</p> + +<p>"I have no idea of using force," said I, reproachfully—"but, if I +<i>had</i>, no such threat as the one which you have just now made, would +deter me. Go, my friend, go—do as you will; but I will go with you, for +I swear that I will not leave you."</p> + +<p>This announcement deeply affected Mrs. Raymond, who embraced me and +begged my pardon for the language which she had used.</p> + +<p>"Forgive me, my best, my only friend," said she—"the loyalty and +devotion which you have always manifested towards me should have +prompted different expressions.—If you are <i>determined</i> to accompany +me, and see me through this business, <i>follow me</i>."</p> + +<p>I obeyed, hoping to be able to prevent the perpetration of the terrible +deed which she meditated.</p> + +<p>She rang the bell at the door, which was opened by a servant.</p> + +<p>"I wish to see your master, instantly, on particular business," said the +disguised woman.</p> + +<p>"What name, sir?" demanded the servant.</p> + +<p>"It matters not. Say to Mr. Livingston that two gentlemen wish to see +him on business of the greatest importance."</p> + +<p>The servant disappeared, but soon returned, saying that she would +conduct us to her master.</p> + +<p>We followed her into a handsomely furnished library, where Mr. +Livingston was seated, looking over some letters. He glanced at us +carelessly, and said—</p> + +<p>"Well, young gentlemen, what can I do for you to-day? Do you wish to +consult me on any matter of law? I am entirely at your service."</p> + +<p>It was evident that the villain did not recognize the woman whom he had +so basely wronged.</p> + +<p>Mrs. Raymond uttered not one single word, but, thrusting her hand into +her bosom, she slowly approached the author of her ruin, who still +continued to peruse his letters in entire unconsciousness of the +terrible danger that hung over him.</p> + +<p>I watched Mrs. Raymond with the closest attention, fully determined to +spring forward at the critical moment and prevent the desperate woman +from accomplishing her deadly purpose.</p> + +<p>It was a deeply interesting and thrilling scene, and one which I shall +never forget. There sat the intended victim, whose soul was hovering on +the awful precincts of an endless eternity; there stood the avenger of +her own wrongs, her right hand nervously grasping the hilt of the weapon +in her bosom, her face deadly pale, and her eyes flashing with wild +excitement. And there I stood, trembling with agitation, and ready to +spring forward at the proper time to prevent the consummation of a +bloody tragedy.</p> + +<p>Mr. Livingston suddenly looked up from his letters, and started when he +beheld the pale and wrathful countenance of Mrs. Raymond, whose eyes +were fixed upon him with an expression of the most deadly hatred.</p> + +<p>"Your face seems strongly familiar to me; have we not met before?" asked +Livingston.</p> + +<p>"Yes," calmly replied Mrs. Raymond—"we <i>have</i> met before."</p> + +<p>"That voice!" cried the doomed villain—"surely I know it. Who are you, +and what want you with me?"</p> + +<p>"I am the victim of your treacherous villainy, and I want revenge!" +screamed Mrs. Raymond, as, with the quickness of lightning, and before I +could prevent her, she drew her weapon and plunged it into the heart of +Livingston, who fell from his chair to the floor and died instantly.</p> + +<p>"Now I am satisfied," said the woman, as she coolly wiped the blood from +the blade of her knife.</p> + +<p>Language cannot depict the horror which the contemplation of this bloody +deed caused within me. True, I had myself slain a human being—but then +it was done in self-defence, and amid all the heat and excitement of a +personal contest. <i>This</i> deed, on the contrary, had been committed, +coolly and deliberately; and, although Mrs. Raymond's wrongs were +undoubtedly very great, I really could not find it in my heart to +justify her in what she had done.</p> + +<p>How bitterly I reproached myself for not having adopted some effectual +means of hindering the performance of that appalling deed, even at the +risk of incurring Mrs. Raymond's severe and eternal displeasure! I felt +myself to be in some measure an accessory to the crime; and I feared the +law would, at all events, consider me as such.</p> + +<p>"What is done cannot be helped now," said I to Mrs. Raymond, who stood +calmly surveying the body of her victim—"come let us leave the house +and seek safety in flight. We may possibly escape the consequence of +this bloody act."</p> + +<p>"No," said the woman—"<i>I</i> shall not stir an inch. I have relieved the +world of a monster, and now I am ready to receive my reward, even if it +be the scaffold. But go, my friend—go, and secure your own safety."</p> + +<p>"No, I will not leave you, even if I have to share your fate," was my +reply. That was a very foolish determination, I admit; for how could my +remaining with her, do her any good? I was merely placing myself in a +position of the utmost peril. But I thought it wrong to desert Mrs. +Raymond in that dark and trying hour; and therefore, as she refused to +escape, I resolved to remain with her.</p> + +<p>Some one softly opened the door, and a female voice said—</p> + +<p>"My dear, are you particularly engaged? May I come in?"</p> + +<p>Hearing no reply, the fair speaker entered with a smile on her rosy +lips. This lady was the newly-made wife of Livingston. She had been, of +course, in happy ignorance of his true character, and of the fact that +he was already the husband of several wives.</p> + +<p>On seeing us, she evinced surprise, for she knew not of her husband +having visitors. Suddenly, her eyes fell upon Livingston's bleeding +corpse, which lay upon the floor. On seeing this horrid spectacle, she +gave utterance to a piercing scream, and fell down insensible.</p> + +<p>That shrill, agonizing scream penetrated every part of the house, and +brought all the inmates to the library, to see what had happened. Horror +took possession of the group, as they gazed upon the awful scene. For a +few minutes, there reigned the most profound silence. This was at last +broken by one of the male servants, who demanded—</p> + +<p>"Who has done this?"</p> + +<p>"I did it," replied Mrs. Raymond, calmly, "I alone am guilty. Here is +the weapon with which I did the deed. This young man here is entirely +innocent; he tried to prevent the act, but I was too quick for him. Let +me be conveyed at once to prison."</p> + +<p>Officers being sent for, soon arrived and took us both into custody, +notwithstanding the passionate protestations of Mrs. Raymond that I had +no hand whatever in the affair.</p> + +<p>"That must be shown to the satisfaction of higher authorities than we +are," said one of the officers. "At all events, it is our duty to secure +this young man as a witness. If he is innocent, he will doubtless be +able to prove it."</p> + +<p>Half an hour afterwards, I was an inmate of the Pittsburg jail, in an +apartment adjoining that occupied by Mrs. Raymond, whose real sex still +remained undiscovered.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_VIII" id="CHAPTER_VIII"></a>CHAPTER VIII</h2> + +<h4><i>An Escape, and a Triumph.</i></h4> + + +<p>After a few weeks' incarceration, Mrs. Raymond, in accordance with my +advice, made known the secret of her sex to the chief officer of the +prison, to whom she also communicated the great wrongs which she had +suffered at the hand of Livingston. The officer, who was a good and +humane man, was deeply affected by this narrative. He immediately placed +Mrs. Raymond in a more comfortable room and caused her to be provided +with an abundance of female garments, which she now resumed. Her story, +of course, was given in all the newspapers; and it excited the deepest +sympathy in her behalf. One editor boldly asserted that no jury could be +found to convict the fair prisoner under the circumstances. As regarded +my case, the propriety of my immediate discharge from custody was +strongly urged, an opinion in which I fully concurred.</p> + +<p>I shall dwell upon these matters as briefly as possible. I was first +brought to trial, and the jury acquitted me without leaving their seats; +Mrs. Raymond was merely convicted of manslaughter in the fourth degree, +so great was the sympathy that existed in her behalf, and the judge +sentenced her to be imprisoned during the term of two years. Although I +considered her particularly fortunate in receiving a punishment so +comparatively light, I resolved to effect her liberation in some way or +other.</p> + +<p>I may as well here remark that the last wife and victim of Livingston +never survived the blow. She soon died of a broken heart.</p> + +<p>My first step was to repair to Harrisburg, the capitol city of the +State, in order to solicit Mrs. Raymond's pardon from Governor Porter, +who was renowned, and by some parties strongly condemned, for his +constant willingness to bestow executive clemency upon prisoners +convicted of the most serious offences.<a href="#K">[K]</a><a name="K_base" id="K_base"></a> I easily obtained an +interview with his Excellency, whom I found to be a very clever sort of +personage. Having made known my errand, and related all the particulars +of Mrs. Raymond's case, I urged her claims to mercy with all the +eloquence of which I was master.</p> + +<p>The Governor listened to me with attention; and, when I had concluded, +he said—</p> + +<p>"My inclination strongly prompts me to pardon this most unfortunate +lady; but I have recently pardoned so many convicted prisoners, that the +press and the people generally are down on me, and I really dare not +grant any more pardons at present. I will, however, commute the lady's +sentence from two years to one."</p> + +<p>With this partial concession I was obliged to be contented. The +necessary documents were made out, and with them I posted back to +Pittsburg. When I entered the cell of my fair friend and told her what I +had effected in her behalf, she burst into tears of gratitude and joy. +One long year taken off her sentence, was certainly something worth +considering.</p> + +<p>"Courage, my friend!" said I, "even if you are obliged to serve out the +remnant of your sentence, which I trust will not be the case, a year +will soon pass away. I shall not leave Pittsburg until you are free. You +will see me often; and I will take care that you are abundantly provided +with everything that can contribute to your comfort. Keep up a good +heart; you have at least one friend who will never desert you."</p> + +<p>Three months passed away, during which time I gained an excellent +subsistence by writing for various newspapers and magazines. Three times +every week I had an interview with Mrs. Raymond, whom I caused to be +supplied with every comfort and luxury as allowed by the rules of the +prison. She had just nine months to serve, when one day I was +unexpectedly enabled to effect her liberation in the following manner.</p> + +<p>I had called upon her, as usual. After an interview of about half an +hour's duration, I bade her adieu and left her apartment. To gain the +street, it was necessary to pass through the office of the prison. In +that office were generally seated three or four turnkeys, one of whom +always went and locked Mrs. Raymond's door after my leaving her.</p> + +<p>Upon entering the office on the occasion to which I now refer, I found +but one turnkey there, and he was <i>fast asleep</i>. I instantly resolved to +take advantage of the lucky circumstance which good fortune had thrown +in my way.</p> + +<p>Hastening back to Mrs. Raymond's cell, I briefly told her the state of +affairs and bade her follow me. She obeyed, as might be supposed, +without much reluctance. We passed through the office and out into the +street; but, before departing, I transferred the key from the inside to +the outside of the door and locked the sleeping turnkey in, so that +there could be no possibility of his immediately pursuing us, when he +should awaken and discover the flight of his prisoner.</p> + +<p>I was tolerably well furnished with cash, and my fair friend, at my +suggestion, purchased an elegant bonnet and shawl—for, it will be +remembered, she had resumed the garments appropriate to the female sex. +As for myself, I was exceedingly well dressed, and no alteration in my +costume was necessary, in order to present a respectable appearance.</p> + +<p>I entertained no serious apprehensions of any great effort being made to +capture the fugitive, she having had but nine months to serve, and being +therefore a person of but little importance when viewed as a prisoner. +Moreover, I hoped that the kind-hearted chief officer of the prison +would charitably refrain from making any extraordinary exertions in the +matter. But these considerations did not prevent me from exercising a +reasonable degree of caution.</p> + +<p>We left Pittsburg that evening, for Philadelphia, where we arrived in +due season. I immediately sought and procured employment as a writer, at +a liberal salary. A few days after our arrival in Philadelphia, Mrs. +Raymond said to me—</p> + +<p>"My dear friend, I am not going to remain a burden to you. Listen to the +plan which I have to propose. I think of going upon the stage."</p> + +<p>"What, and becoming an actress?"</p> + +<p>"Yes. I flatter myself that my voice and figure are both passable; and I +really think that I possess some talent for the theatrical profession. A +respectable actress always receives a good salary. If the plan meets +with your approbation, I shall place myself under the tuition of some +competent teacher; and my <i>debut</i> shall be made as soon as advisable."</p> + +<p>I did not attempt to dissuade Mrs. Raymond from carrying out this plan, +which I thought, in fact, to be a very excellent idea. Once successfully +brought out upon the stage, she would have a profession which would be +to her an unfailing means of support.</p> + +<p>According to the best of my judgment, she possessed every mental and +physical qualification necessary to constitute a good actress. Beautiful +and sprightly, talented and accomplished—possessing, too, the most +exquisite taste and skill as a vocalist and musician, I saw no reason +why she should not succeed upon the stage as well, and far better, than +many women a thousand times less talented. Therefore, encouraged by my +cordial approbation of her plan, and acting in accordance with my +recommendation, the fair aspirant to dramatic honors placed herself +under the instructions of a popular and well-known actor, who was fully +capable of the task which he had undertaken.</p> + +<p>A few months passed away, and my fair friend announced herself as being +nearly in readiness to make her first appearance. I was delighted with +the rapid and satisfactory progress which she had made. The recitations +with which she occasionally favored me, were delivered in the highest +style of the elocutionary art, and convinced me that she was destined to +meet with the most unbounded success.</p> + +<p>She proposed making her <i>debut</i> as <i>Beatrice</i>, in Shakespeare's glorious +comedy, "Much Ado About Nothing,"—a character well calculated to +display her arch vivacity and charming sprightliness. I saw her rehearse +the part, and was satisfied that she <i>must</i> achieve a brilliant +triumph,—an opinion that was fully concurred in by her gratified +instructor, and also by the manager and several of the leading actors +and actresses of the theatre.</p> + +<p>The eventful evening came at last, and the house was crowded in every +part. Seating myself in a private box in company with the actor who had +instructed Mrs. Raymond, I awaited her appearance with the utmost +confidence. The curtain arose, and the play commenced. When <i>Beatrice</i> +came on, a perfect storm of applause saluted her. Her appearance, in her +elegant and costly stage costume, was really superb. Perfectly +self-possessed, and undaunted by the sea of faces spread out before her, +she went on with her part, and was frequently interrupted by deafening +shouts of approval. The <i>Benedict</i> of the evening being a very fine +actor, and the <i>Dogberry</i> being as funny a dog as ever created a broad +grin or a hearty laugh—the entire comedy passed off in the most +admirable manner; and, at its conclusion, my fair friend being loudly +called for, she was led out in front of the curtain by <i>Benedict</i>. A +shower of bouquets now saluted her; and, having gracefully acknowledged +the kindness of the audience, she retired.</p> + +<p>This decided success caused the manager to engage Mrs. Raymond at a +liberal salary. She subsequently appeared with equal success in a round +of the best characters; and the press, and every tongue, became eloquent +in her praise. She was now in a fair way to acquire a fortune as great +as the one which she had lost through the villainy of Livingston.</p> + +<p>Thinking her worthy of a higher position than that of a mere stock +actress, I advised her, after a year's sojourn in Philadelphia, to +travel as a <i>star</i>. To this she eagerly assented, and accordingly I +accompanied her to New York, where she was immediately engaged by the +late Thomas S. Hamblin, of the Bowery Theatre.<a href="#L">[L]</a><a name="L_base" id="L_base"></a> Her success at this +popular establishment was unprecedented in the annals of dramatic +triumphs. Night after night was she greeted by crowded, enthusiastic and +enraptured audiences. In short, she became one of the most celebrated +actresses of the day.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<p><a name="K" id="K"></a><a href="#K_base">[K]</a> It is related of Governor Porter as an illustration of his pardoning +propensities, that once, after his term of office had expired, a +gentleman accidentally ran against him in the street. "I beg your +pardon," said the gentleman. "I cannot grant it," said Mr. Porter, "for +I am no longer Governor."</p> + +<p><a name="L" id="L"></a><a href="#L_base">[L]</a> I have not, for reasons that will be easily understood, given the +name which Mrs. Raymond assumed, after her adoption of the dramatic +profession.</p> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_IX" id="CHAPTER_IX"></a>CHAPTER IX</h2> + +<h4><i>An accident—a suicide—and a change of residence.</i></h4> + + +<p>A dreadful accident abruptly terminated Mrs. Raymond's brilliant +professional career. One night, while she was dressing in her private +room at the theatre, a camphene lamp exploded and her face was +shockingly burned. Her beauty was destroyed forever, and her career +upon the stage was ended. Thus was the public deprived of a most +delightful source of entertainment, and thus was a popular actress +thrown out of the profession just as she had reached the pinnacle of +fame, and just as she was in a fair way to acquire a handsome fortune.</p> + +<p>It would be impossible for me to describe the grief, consternation and +horror of the unfortunate lady, on account of this melancholy accident. +In vain did I attempt to console her, she refused to be comforted. She +abandoned herself to despair; and I caused her to be closely and +constantly watched, fearing that she might attempt to commit suicide.</p> + +<p>The play-going public soon found a new idol, and poor Mrs. Raymond was +forgotten. Her face was terribly disfigured, and it was very fortunate +that her sight was not destroyed. When she became well enough, she +endeavored to gain a situation as a teacher of music; but she was +unceremoniously rejected by every person to whom she applied, on account +of the repulsiveness of her countenance. This of course, still further +increased the dark despair that overshadowed her soul.</p> + +<p>"My friend," said she to me one day, "I shall not long survive this +terrible misfortune. My heart is breaking, and death will ere long put +an end to my sufferings."</p> + +<p>"Come, come," said I, "where is your philosophy? Have you not passed +through trials as great as this? While there is life, there is hope; and +you will be happy yet."</p> + +<p>I uttered these commonplace expressions because I knew not what else to +say. Mrs. Raymond replied, with a mournful smile—</p> + +<p>"Ah! with all your knowledge of the world, you know not how a woman +feels when she has been suddenly deprived of her beauty. The miser who +loses his wealth—the fond mother from whom death snatches away her +darling child; these bereaved ones do not feel their losses more acutely +than does a once lovely woman feel the loss of her charms. Do not talk +to me of philosophy, for such language is mockery."</p> + +<p>I visited my unfortunate and no longer fair friend very often, but all +my attempts to cheer her up signally failed. She persisted in declaring +that she was not long for this world; and I began to believe so myself, +for she failed rapidly. I saw that she was provided with every comfort; +but alas! happiness was beyond her reach forever.</p> + +<p>One evening I set out to pay her a visit. On my arrival at the house in +which she had taken apartments, the landlady informed me that she had +not seen Mrs. Raymond during the whole of that day.</p> + +<p>"It is very singular," remarked the woman, "I knocked five or six times +at the door of her chamber, but she gave me no answer, although I know +she has not gone out."</p> + +<p>These words caused a dreadful misgiving to seize me. Fearing that +something terrible had happened, I rushed up stairs, and knocked loudly +upon the door of Mrs. Raymond's chamber. No answer being returned, I +burst open the door, and my worst fears were realized, for there, upon +the floor lay the lifeless form of that most unfortunate woman. She had +committed suicide by taking arsenic.</p> + +<p>This dreadful event afflicted me more deeply than any other occurrence +of my life. I had become attached to Mrs. Raymond on account of a +certain congeniality of disposition between us. We had travelled far +together, and shared great dangers. That was another link to bind us +together. Besides I admired her for her talent, and more particularly +for her heroic resolution. She was, altogether, a most extraordinary +woman, and, under the circumstances, it was no wonder that her tragical +end should have caused within me a feeling of the most profound sorrow.</p> + +<p>Having followed her remains to their last resting-place, I did something +that I was very accustomed to do—I sat down to indulge in a little +serious reflection, the result of which was that I determined to go to +Boston, for New York had become wearisome to me. Besides, I knew that +Boston was the grand storehouse of American literature—the "Athens of +America," and I doubted not my ability to achieve both fame and money +there.</p> + +<p>To Boston I accordingly went. On the first day of my arrival, I crossed +over to Charlestown for the purpose of viewing the Bunker Hill Monument. +Having satisfied my curiosity, I strolled into a printing office, fell +into conversation with the proprietor, and the result was that I found +myself engaged at a moderate salary to edit and take the entire charge +of a long-established weekly newspaper of limited circulation, entitled +the "Bunker Hill Aurora and Boston Mirror." This journal soon began to +increase both in reputation and circulation, for I filled it with good +original tales and with sprightly editorials. Yet no credit was awarded +to me, for my name never appeared in connection with my productions, and +people imagined that W——, the proprietor, was the author of the +improvements which had taken place.</p> + +<p>"Egad!" the subscribers to the <i>Aurora</i> would say—"old W—— has waked +up at last. His paper is now full of tip-top reading, whereas it was +formerly not worth house-room!"</p> + +<p>How many instances of this kind have I seen—of writers toiling with +their pens and brains for the benefit and credit of ungrateful wretches +without intellect, or soul, or honor, or common humanity! Charlestown is +probably the meanest and most contemptible place in the whole +universe—totally unfit to be the dwelling-place of any man who calls +himself <i>white</i>. The inhabitants all belong to the <i>Paul Pry</i> family. A +stranger goes among them, and forthwith inquisitive whispers concerning +him begin to float about like feathers in the air. "Who is he? What is +he? Where did he come from? What's his business? <i>Has he got any money?</i> +(Great emphasis is laid on this question.) Is he married, or single? +What are his habits? Is he a temperance man? Does he smoke—does he +drink—does he chew? Does he go to meeting on Sundays? What religious +denomination does he belong to? What are his politics? Does he use +profane language? What time does he go to bed—and what time does he get +up? Wonder what he had for dinner to-day?" &c., &c., &c.</p> + +<p>During my residence in Charlestown, where I lived three years, I became +acquainted with the celebrated editor and wit, Corporal Streeter, who +was my next-door neighbor. I dwelt, by the way, in an old-fashioned +house situated on Wood street. Two ancient pear trees sadly waved their +branches in front of the house, and they are still there, unless some +despoiling hand has cut them down—which Heaven forbid! If ever I +re-visit that place, I shall gaze with reverence at the old house—for +in it I passed some of the happiest days of my life. The antique edifice +I christened "The Hermitage." The squalling cats of that neighborhood +afforded me a fine opportunity for pistol practice.</p> + +<p>At the end of three years, I had a slight "misunderstanding" with Mr. +W——, the proprietor of the Aurora, one of the most stupendously mean +men it was ever my misfortune to encounter. He was worthy of being the +owner of the only newspaper in Charlestown, alias, "Hogtown." Having +civilly requested Mr. W—— to go to the devil at his earliest +convenience, I left him and his rookery in disgust, and shifted my +quarters over to Boston.</p> + +<p>Here I engaged largely in literary pursuits, and began to write a series +of novels. These were well received by the public, as every Bostonian +will recollect.</p> + +<p>In my next chapter, I shall tell the reader how a gentleman got into +difficulties.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_X" id="CHAPTER_X"></a>CHAPTER X</h2> + +<h4><i>Six weeks in Leverett Street Jail.</i></h4> + + +<p>A popular actor who was a personal friend of mine<a href="#M">[M]</a><a name="M_base" id="M_base"></a> took a farewell +benefit at the National Theatre. At his invitation, and just before the +close of the evening's performances, I attempted to enter the stage door +for his purpose of seeing him in his dressing-room, as he intended to +sup with me and several friends. A half-drunken Irishman attached to the +stage department in some menial capacity, stopped me and insolently +ordered me out. I treated the Greek, of course, with the contempt which +he merited, whereupon he called another overgrown bog-trotter to his +assistance, and the twain forthwith attacked me with great fury. Finding +myself in danger of receiving rather rough treatment, I drew a small +pocket pistol and aimed at their shins, being determined that one of +them, at least, should hobble around upon crutches for a short time. The +cap on the pistol, however, refused to explode, and the two vagabonds +immediately caused me to be arrested, charging me with "assault and +battery with the intent to kill!" I was forthwith accommodated with a +private apartment in Leverett Street jail, where I remained six weeks, +during which time I enjoyed myself tolerably well, being amply provided +with good dinners, not prison fare, but from the outside, candles, +newspapers, books, writing materials, &c. During my imprisonment, I +wrote "The Gay Deceiver," and "Venus in Boston." My next door neighbor +was no less a personage than Dr. John W. Webster, who was afterwards +executed for the murder of Dr. Parkman. Webster was a great glutton, and +thought of nothing but his stomach, even up to the very hour of his +death. On account of his "position in society," (!) every officer of the +prison became his waiter; and a certain ruffianly turnkey, who was in +the habit of abusing poor prisoners in the most outrageous manner, would +fawn to the Doctor like a hungry dog to a benevolent butcher.</p> + +<p>Webster was very polite to me, frequently sending me books and +newspapers—favors which I as often reciprocated. He once sent me a jar +of preserves, a box of sardines and a bottle of wine. The latter gift I +highly appreciated, wines and liquors of every kind being prohibited +luxuries. That night I became very happy and jovial; but I did not leave +the house.</p> + +<p>Dr. Webster was confident of being acquitted; but the result proved how +terribly he was mistaken. Probably, in the annals of criminal +jurisprudence, there never was seen a more striking instance of equal +and exact justice, than was afforded by the trial, conviction and +execution of John W. Webster. Money, influential friends, able counsel, +prayers, petitions, the <i>prestige</i> of a scientific reputation failed to +save him from that fate which he merited as well as if he had been the +most obscure individual in existence.</p> + +<p>After six weeks imprisonment, I was brought to trial before Chief +Justice Wells. I was defended by a very tolerable lawyer, to whom I paid +twenty-five dollars in consideration of his conversing five minutes with +a jury of my peers, the said jury consisting of twelve hungry +individuals who wanted to go out to dinner. When my legal adviser had +made a few well-meaning remarks, the jury retired to talk the matter +over among themselves; and, after about fifteen minutes absence, they +returned and expressed their opinion that I was "not guilty." This +opinion induced me to believe that they were very sensible fellows +indeed. Not for a moment did I think of demanding a new trial; that +would have been impertinent, as doubting the sagacity of the jury. My +two Irish prosecutors left the court-room in a rage; and two more +chop-fallen disappointed and mortified Greeks were never seen. The Judge +took his departure, the spectators dispersed, and I crossed the street +and dined sumptuously at Parker's, with a large party of friends.</p> + +<p>Very many of my Boston readers will remember a long series of articles +which I wrote and published about that time, in the columns of one of +the newspapers, entitled "Mysteries of Leverett Street Jail." In those +sketches I gave the arrangements of the Jail, and its officers, +"particular fits;" and the manner in which the fellows writhed under the +inflictions, was a caution to petty tyrants generally. The startling +revelations which I made created great excitement throughout the whole +community; and I have good reason to believe that those exposures were +the means of producing a far better state of affairs in the interior of +the "stone jug."</p> + +<p>I have thus, very briefly, given the extent of my experience with +reference to the old Leverett Street Jail. Unlawful ladies and gentlemen +are now accommodated in an elegant establishment in Cambridge street, +for the old Jail has been levelled to the ground to make room for +"modern improvements."—I visited it just before the commencement of its +destruction, and gazed at my old apartment "more in sorrow than in +anger." There were my name and a few verses, which I had written upon +the wall. There was the rude table, upon which I had penned two novels, +which, from their tone, seem rather to have emanated from a gilded +<i>boudoir</i>. There, too, in the grated window, was a little flower-pot in +which I had cultivated a solitary plant. That poor plant had withered +and died long ago, for the prisoners who succeeded me probably had no +taste for such "trash." I took and carefully preserved the dead remains +of my floral favorite—"for," said I to myself—"they will serve to +remind me of a dark spot in my existence."</p> + +<p>And now, with the reader's permission, I will turn to matters of a more +cheerful character.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<p><a name="M" id="M"></a><a href="#M_base">[M]</a> I allude to Mr. W.G. Jones, now deceased.</p> +</div> + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CHAPTER_XI" id="CHAPTER_XI"></a>CHAPTER XI</h2> + +<h4>"<i>The Uncles and Nephews.</i>"</h4> + + +<p>Ring up the curtain! Room there for the Boston Players. Let them +approach our presence, not as they appear upon the stage, in rouge, and +spangles, and wigs, and calves and cotton pad; but as they look in broad +daylight, or in the bar-room when the play is over, arrayed in garments +of a modern date, wearing their own personal faces, swearing their own +private oaths, and drinking real malt out of honest pewter, instead of +imbibing dusty atmosphere from pasteboard goblets. Room, I say!</p> + +<p>There is an intimate connection between the press and the stage, that is +a congeniality of character, habit, taste, feeling and disposition, +between the writer and the actor. The press and the stage are, in a +measure, dependent on each other. The newspaper looks to the theatre for +light, racy and readable items, with which to adorn its columns, like +festoons of flowers gracefully hung around columns of marble. The +theatre looks to the newspaper for impartial criticisms and laudatory +notices. Show me a convivial party of actors, and I will swear there are +at least two or three professional writers among them. I know many +actors who are practical printers, fellows who can wield a +composing-stick as deftly as a fighting sword. Long life and prosperity +to the whole of them, say I; and bless them for a careless, happy, +pleasure-loving, bill-hating and beer-imbibing race of men. Amen.</p> + +<p>There is one point of resemblance between the hero of the sock and +buskin and the Knight of the quill. The former dresses up his person and +adopts the language of another, in order to represent a certain +character; the latter clothes his ideas in an appropriate garb of words, +and puts sentiments in the mouths of his characters which are not always +his own. But I was speaking of the Boston Players.</p> + +<p>Admitting the foregoing argument to be correct, it is not to be wondered +at that I became extensively acquainted among the members of the +theatrical profession. My name was upon the free list of every theatre +in the city; and every night I visited one or more of the houses—not to +see the play, but to chat in the saloons with the actors and literary +people who in those places most did congregate. After the play was over, +we all used to assemble in an ale-house near the principal theatre; and +daylight would often surprise us in the midst of our "devotions." A +curious mixed-up set we were to be sure! I will try to recollect the +most prominent members of our club. First of all there was the +argumentative and positive Jim Prior, who might properly be regarded as +President of the club. Then came H.W. Fenno, Esq., the gentlemanly +Treasurer of the National. He, however, seldom tarried after having +once "put the party through." The eccentric "Old Spear" was generally +present, seated in an obscure corner smoking a solitary cigar. Comical +S.D. Johnson and his hopeful son George were usually on hand to enliven +the scene; and so was Jim Ring, alias J. Henry, the best negro +performer, next to Daddy Rice, in the United States. Chunkey Monroe, who +did the villains at the National; and, towering above him might be seen +his cousin, Lengthy Monroe, who enacted the hard old codgers at the same +establishment. That fine fellow, Ned Sandford, must not be forgotten; +neither must Sam Lake, the clever little dancer. Rube Meer was +invariably to be found in company with a pot of malt; and he was usually +assisted by P. Jones, a personage who never allowed himself to be funny +until he had consumed four pints. Charley Saunders, the comedian and +dramatist, the author of "Rosina Meadows" and many other popular +plays—kept the "table in a roar," by his wit and also by his +excruciatingly bad puns. Bird, of "Pea-nut Palace" notoriety, held forth +in nasal accents to Bill Colwell, the husband of the pretty and +accomplished Anna Cruise. Big Sam Johnson, a heavy actor, a gallant +Hibernian and a splendid fellow, discussed old Jamaica with his friend +and boon companion, Sam Palmer, alias "Chucks." The mysterious Frank +Whitman captures his brother-actor at the Museum, Jack Adams, and +imprisoning him in a corner from which there was no escape, imparts to +him the most tremendous secrets. Ned Wilkings—one of the best reporters +in the city—tells the last "funny thing" to John Young; while Joe +Bradley, proprietor of the Mail, touches glasses with Jim McKinney. +Meanwhile, the two waiters, Handiboe and Abbott, circulate around with +the greatest activity, fetching on the liquors and removing the dirty +glasses, from which they slyly contrive to drain a few drops now and +then, for their bodily refreshment. As an instance of the "base uses" to +which genius may "come at last," I will state that Handiboe, whom we now +find in such a menial position, was once quite a literary character; +while poor Abbott, to whom I now throw a few small coins in charity, was +a setter of type. The rest of the party is made up of Pete Cunningham, +Sam Glenn, Bill Dimond, Jim Brand, Bill Donaldson, Dan Townsend, Jack +Weaver, Cal Smith, and a host of others whom it would puzzle the very +devil himself to remember.</p> + +<p>Such was the "Uncle and Nephew Club," of which I had the honor to be a +prominent member. Almost every man belonging to it was a wit, a punster +or a humorist of some kind; and I will venture to say, that had some +industrious individual taken the pains to preserve and publish one-half +the good things that were said at our meetings, a large volume might be +formed that would be no contemptible specimen of genius. Whenever a +member had the audacity to perpetrate some shocking bad pun, and such +enormities were frequent, the offender was sentenced to undergo some +ludicrous punishment; and the utmost good-humor and hilarity always +prevailed.</p> + +<p>I will now relate a rather amusing adventure in which I participated +with others of the "Uncles and Nephews."</p> + +<p>One night we were assembled, as usual, at our head-quarters. The Fourth +of July was to "come off" the next day, and we determined to have some +fun. Accordingly, a couple of stout messengers were despatched to the +theatre, armed with the necessary authority and keys, and they soon +returned laden with dresses from the wardrobe. These garments the party +proceeded to assume; and we were quickly transformed into as +picturesque-looking a crowd as any that ever figured at a masquerade +ball. As for myself, I made a very tolerable representation of Falstaff; +while Richard, Othello, Macbeth, Hamlet, Shylock, and other gentlemen of +Shakespeare's creation, gave variety to the procession. Then there was a +clown in full circus costume, accompanied by Harlequin in his glittering +shape-dress. We sadly longed for a sprightly Columbine; but then we +consoled ourselves with Pantaloon, admirably rendered by P. Jones.</p> + +<p>Our "music" consisted of a bass-drum, which was tortured by the clown; a +fish-horn beautifully played upon by Sam Palmer; a dinner-bell whose din +was extracted by Jack Adams. Having formed the procession on the +side-walk, the music struck up, and we marched.</p> + +<p>Our first halting-place was at the saloon of Peter Brigham, at the head +of Hanover street. Here we filed in, and great excitement did our +extraordinary appearance create. A mob soon collected before the door, +attracted by our grotesque costumes as well as by the infernal noise of +our "musical" instruments, upon which we continued to perform with +undiminished vigor. Peter Brigham was in agonies, and rushed about the +saloon like an insane fly in a tar barrel. The frightened waiters +abandoned their posts and fled. The mob outside cheered vociferously; +and Harlequin began to belabor poor Pantaloon with his gilded lath to +the immense amusement of the spectators.</p> + +<p>Peter Brigham at length mounted a chair, and said—</p> + +<p>"Gentlemen, will you hear me? (Hoarse growl from the bass-drum.) I +cannot suffer this noise and racket to go on in my house. (Blast of +defiance from the fish-horn.) You know I have always tried to keep a +decent and respectable place. (Peal of sarcastic laughter from the +dinner bell.) I have a proposition to make.—(Hear! hear!) If you will +promise to leave the house quietly, I will treat you all to as much +champagne as you can drink." (Yell of acceptance from the bass-drum, +fish-horn and dinner-bell! Great excitement generally.)</p> + +<p>The wine was produced, and the facility with which it was disposed of, +caused Mr. Brigham to stare. He endured its consumption, however, with +the most philosophical fortitude, until we began to drink toasts, make +speeches, and exhibit other indications of a design on our part to +"tarry yet awhile." Peter then reminded us of our promise; and, as +gentlemen of honor, we fulfilled the same by immediately falling into +procession and marching out of the saloon. Away we went down Hanover +street, followed by the admiring and hooting crowd. We entered the +establishment of Theodore Johnson, and were hospitably received by the +prince of good fellows, who, assisted by Chris Anderson, "did the +honors" with the utmost liberality. Sam Palmer and P. Jones, here +favored the company with a broad-sword combat; after which I, as +Falstaff, gave a few recitations—the performances concluded with Abbott +as <i>Jocks</i>, the Brazilian ape. Our next visit was to the Pemberton +House, then under the control of Uriah W. Carr, a very small man, both +physically and morally. Uriah received us very churlishly, and +peremptorily refused to "come down" with the hospitality of the season. +He was particularly down on me for having once written and published +some verses concerning him. The following is all that I can recollect of +that interesting production:—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Tis comical, indeed it is</span> +<span class="i0">To see him mix a punch—</span> +<span class="i0">He puts two drops of liquor in,</span> +<span class="i0">And then he eyes the <i>lunch</i>;</span> +<span class="i0">truts about most pompously,</span> +<span class="i0">Then stands before the fire,</span> +<span class="i0">Just like a little bantam-cock,</span> +<span class="i0">This comical Uriah!"</span> +</div></div> + +<p>Inasmuch as Uriah refused to bring on the "bush" for either love or +money, we determined to help ourselves. Therefore, every man appointed +himself a bar-keeper <i>pro tem</i>. Wines, liquors and cigars were disposed +of with marvelous celerity, and poor little Uriah danced about and tore +his hair in the agony of his spirits. Meanwhile, a large number of +actors and others, boarding at the Pemberton, joined us, being ushered +in by Charles Dibden Pitt, a performer of great elegance and power, then +playing a brilliant star engagement—at the Museum. This gentleman is +decidedly "one of the boys," and goes in for a "good time." At his +suggestion, a committee was appointed to descend to the kitchen and +bring up provisions. Ned Abbot and Bill Ball performed this duty in the +most admirable and satisfactory manner. They departed for the lower +regions, and soon returned laden both with substantials and delicacies. +Then, such a feast!—or, rather, such a banquet! Champagne flowed like +water, for we had discovered a closet filled with baskets of the foaming +beverage. The whole company was of course soon in a state of glorious +elevation. The song and jest went round unceasingly, and peals of jovial +laughter trooped away like merry elves upon the midnight air. We were in +excellent humor to adopt the prayer of the following who said—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Oh, let us linger late to-night,</span> +<span class="i0">Nor part while wit and song are bright;</span> +<span class="i0">And, Joshua, make the sun stand still,</span> +<span class="i0">That we of joy may have our fill!"</span> +</div></div> + +<p>There was one gentleman who refused to participate in the festivities of +the occasion. This was little Uriah, the landlord, who gazed upon the +progress of the banquet with a troubled brow; yet he did not dare to +openly remonstrate, through fear of offending Mr. Pitt, and other +valuable boarders.</p> + +<p>Unfortunately for the harmony of the festival, a party of drunken +students from Cambridge dropped in, and I instantly saw that a row was +inevitable. After unceremoniously helping themselves to drink, the +students gazed at our strange-looking company superciliously, and one of +them remarked with a sneer—</p> + +<p>"What fools are these, dressed up in this absurd manner? Oh, they must +be monkies, the property of some enterprising organ-grinder. Let them +dance before me, for my soul is heavy, and I would be gay!"</p> + +<p>Here little Billy Eaton, the writer, who was one of our party, fired up +and obligingly offered to fight and whip the man with the heavy soul, +for and in consideration of the trifling sum of one cent. This handsome +offer was accepted; but, before the gentlemen could strip for the +combat, a general collision took place between all the hostile parties. +Chairs were brandished, canes were flourished and decanters were hurled, +to the great destruction of mirrors and other fragile property. The bar +was overturned, and the din of battle was awful to hear. Notwithstanding +the uproar and confusion that prevailed, I could not help noticing poor +Uriah, who, in the dimly-lighted hall, was quietly dancing an insane +polka, accompanying his movements by low howls of despair. The little +man had temporarily lost his few wits, that was plain. The combat raged +with undiminished fury. Our clown attacked a student with his bass-drum, +one end of which burst in, imprisoning the representative of the seat of +learning, who found it impossible to extricate himself from his musical +predicament. Sam Palmer, with his fish-horn, did tremendous execution; +while Jack Adams was equally effective with his dinner-bell which, at +every blow, sounded forth a note of warning. The heroic P. Jones +performed prodigies of valor, and covered himself with glory. This +wonderful young man, having planted himself behind a rampart of chairs, +placed himself in the position of a pugilistic frog, and boldly defied +his enemies to "come on and be punched." At the commencement of the +fight, Abbott coiled himself up under the table, and was seen no more; +while Handiboe fled for safety to the cole-hole. The battle was at its +height, and the bird of victory seemed about to perch upon the banner of +the "Uncles and Nephews," when some reckless, hardened individual turned +off the gas, thus producing total darkness. This made matters ten times +worse than ever, for it was impossible to distinguish friends from foes. +Suddenly, in rushed a posse of watchmen, headed by the renowned Marshal +Tukey, and bearing torches. Many of the combatants were arrested, and +but few contrived to make their escape. I had the honor of figuring +among the unlucky ones; and, with my companions passed the night in +durance vile. In the morning, when day light feebly penetrated our +gloomy dungeon, what a strange-looking spectacle presented itself! +Stretched upon the floor in every imaginable picturesque attitude, were +about a score of men, the majority of them arrayed in the soiled and +torn theatrical dresses. These unhappy individuals afforded a most +melancholy sight, as many of them had black eyes, bruised noses and +battered visages.</p> + +<p>"D——d pretty fools we've made of ourselves," said Macbeth, one of +whose optics had been highly discolored.</p> + +<p>"Yes," groaned Othello, whose black eyes were only partially concealed +by the yellow color which he had smeared over his face—"and here we are +in the jug, where we shall be compelled to remain all day, and lose all +the fun of the Fourth of July."</p> + +<p>"That isn't the worst of it," sighed Hamlet, whose royal frontispiece +had received severe damage—"I am on the bills to play twice this +afternoon and once this evening, and my being absent will cause me to be +<i>forfeited</i>, if not discharged. D——n those college students! What the +devil became of them? They all got clear, I suppose."</p> + +<p>"No," said I—"they are in a separate apartment. Of course the officers +would not put them in with us, for that would be encouraging a renewal +of the fight."</p> + +<p>"My head aches horribly," remarked Richard, Duke of Gloster—"I would +give my kingdom for a drink!"</p> + +<p>"And I," observed Shylock—"would like a pound of flesh, providing it +were beefsteak, for I am almost famished."</p> + +<p>"Hah! what a hog!" growled Cardinal Richelieu, one side of whose face +had been "cove in" most dreadfully—"to think of <i>eating</i> at such a time +as this!"</p> + +<p>"Hark," said Claude Melnott, whose handsome countenance had been knocked +completely out of shape, and who looked as if he had just returned from +the wars rather the worse for wear; "hark! Don't you hear the sound of +artillery, and of music? The ceremonies and festivities of the glorious +day have commenced. Would to Heaven that I were with Pauline, in our +palace on the lake of Como!"</p> + +<p>"Dry up, you fool!" angrily exclaimed the aged and venerable King Lear, +whose nasal organ exhibited signs of its having sustained a violent +contusion—"I haven't closed an eye during the whole night, and now you +keep me awake with your infernal jabbering. Shut up, I say!"</p> + +<p>"Oh, shut up be blowed!" said P. Jones—"how can a man shut up when he +thinks of the good <i>budge</i> (rum) he loses by being shut up here? Rube +Meer, isn't this too bad?"</p> + +<p>"Worse than the time when I sent on a fishing excursion with Jim Morse," +groaned poor Rube, as he fumbled in his pocket for a match with which to +light his pipe, "has anybody got a rope with which a fellow could +contrive to hang himself?"</p> + +<p>"I say, Jack Adams," said Sam Palmer, who was dressed as Don Caesar de +Bezas, "what will Harry Smith and old Kimball say, when we don't make +our appearance to-day, the busiest day in the whole year?"</p> + +<p>"I care not," replied Jack, as he fondly pressed the portrait of his +Katy to his lips, "so long as this blessed consolation is left me, the +world may do its worst! Frown on, ye fiends of misfortune! I defy ye +all, so long as my Katy Darling remains but true!"</p> + +<p>"That's the one!" shouted the bold Dick Brown, as "usher" at the +National Theatre, "let us have the song of Katy Darling, and all join in +the chorus."</p> + +<p>This was done; and from the depths of that gloomy dungeon rolled forth +the words, in tones of thunder—</p> + +<div class="poem"><div class="stanza"> +<span class="i0">"Did they tell thee I was false, Katy Darling?"</span> +</div></div> + +<p>Suddenly, to our great joy, the ponderous iron door of the dungeon was +unlocked and thrown open, and an officer announced that he had orders to +release us all, provided that we would engage to satisfy the landlord of +the Pemberton House for the damage he had sustained. This we of course +agreed to do, it being understood that the college students should be +compelled to pay one-half the amount, which was certainly no more than +right, as they had perpetrated half the damage, and had commenced the +row in the first place. The landlord having received sufficient +security that his damages would be made whole, we were all set at +liberty, to our most intense delight, for we had anticipated being +imprisoned during the whole of that glorious day.</p> + +<p>We left the house of bondage, and, as we passed through the already +crowded streets, our fantastic dresses and strange appearance generally, +collected a mob at our heels, which, in broad daylight, was certainly +rather annoying. However, we soon reached the theatre, and resumed our +own proper habiliments.</p> + +<p>It was announced upon the bills of the theatre that a certain actor +would that evening deliver an original Fourth of July poem. That poem I +had engaged to write, yet not a single line had I committed to paper. +The actor was in a terrible quandary, and swore that his failure to +recite the poem, as announced, would render him unpopular with the +public and ruin him forever. Telling him to keep cool and call again in +two hours, I sat down to my writing-desk and dashed off a poem of +considerable length. My pen flew with the rapidity of lightning, words +and ideas crowded upon me in overwhelming numbers, and in three-quarters +of an hour my work was done! I sent for the actor who was astonished at +the brief space of time in which I had performed the task. Having heard +me read the poem, he declared himself to be delighted with it; and, with +all due humility and modesty, I must say that the production did possess +considerable merit. I had avoided the usual stereotyped allusions to the +"star spangled banner," to the "Ameri-eagle," to the "blood of our +forefathers," &c.;—and had dwelt principally upon the sublime moral +spectacle afforded by an oppressed people arising in their might to +throw off the yoke of bondage and assert their independence as a nation. +The actor soon committed the poem to memory; and, having rehearsed it +over to me and found himself perfect, he departed. That night he recited +it from the stage to a dense audience; and, during its delivery and at +its conclusion, I had the satisfaction of listening to the most +delicious music that an author's ears can ever know, the clapping of +hands, and deafening peals of applause.</p> + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /> +<h2><a name="CONCLUSION" id="CONCLUSION"></a>CONCLUSION</h2> + +<h4><i>My Parting Bow.</i></h4> + + +<p>Several years have passed since the date of the events last narrated. +Those years have been crowded with adventures full as extraordinary as +those already detailed; but alas! neither time nor space will at +present, admit of my giving them to the public. Perhaps, at some future +time, I may make up for this deficiency, if my life is spared.</p> + +<p>The reader may rest assured of one thing:—that <i>not one single word of +fiction or exaggeration has been introduced into these pages</i>. Why +should I wander in the realms of romance, when there are more startling +facts at my command than I can possibly make use of? Is not truth +stranger than fiction? Every day's experience proves such to be the +case.</p> + +<p>I cannot close up these pages without availing myself of the opportunity +to return my thanks in this public manner, to several gentlemen from +whom I have received courtesies and acts of kindness. First and +foremost, there is Jerry Etheridge, a man of great political influence +and historical learning. To this distinguished gentleman I am indebted +for an act of generosity that rescued me from a serious embarrassment. I +am not the only recipient of his bounty, for I know many others who have +applied to him in times of need, and who have left him, encouraged by +his cheering words and relieved by his liberality. He is one of those +true philanthropists who never publish their good deeds to others. I +consider that when one man befriends another and then tells of it, all +obligation ceases to exist between the parties, and no gratitude is due +the one who confers the benefit, which he bestows, perhaps just on +purpose to acquire a reputation for whole-souled benevolence, and not +out of any particular good-will to the other. I am also under obligation +to Mr. W.R. GOODALL, the promising young American actor, who will one +day, I predict, occupy a most elevated position in the profession which +he has adopted, and for which he is peculiarly qualified. Who that ever +heard his famous imitations, as Jeremiah Clip, will hesitate to admit +that he is a young man of the most extraordinary talent? NED SANDFORD +and JIM LANERGAN, both of whom are now while I write this, playing at +the Broadway Theatre, I return my most sincere thanks for favors +received; and I trust that they will pardon me for making this public +allusion to them. Finally, to every person who has, through +disinterested motive, treated me with kindness and consideration, I +would say—friends, your goodness shall never be forgotten while life +remains.</p> + +<p>I have many bitter enemies, and they will, I presume, continue to snarl +at my heels like mongrel curs. Their miserable attempts to injure me +will only rebound back upon themselves. I am above the reach of their +malignity, and shall pursue my own independent course regardless of +their spleen.</p> + +<p>Nearly one year has now elapsed since I left Boston—a place that I +cannot but regard with some degree of affectionate remembrance; for, +with all its faults, I like it still.</p> + +<p>It is possible that I may hereafter continue to write tales for the +public amusement. Should I conclude to continue in my business as a +writer, I shall always, as heretofore, labor to produce that which is +interesting, exciting and founded on truth, and entirely unobjectionable +in a moral point of view. Unlike many so-called writers who throw off a +quantity of trash and care not how it fills up space, I am always +willing to bestow time and toil upon my work, for the sake of my own +credit, for the purpose of securing the rapid and extensive sale of the +book—and in order to give the public perfect satisfaction.</p> + +<p>Reader, fare thee well! We may never meet again; but I thank thee for +accompanying me from the beginning to</p> + + +<h4>THE END</h4> +<p> </p> +<p> </p> +<hr class="full" /> +<p>***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MY LIFE: OR THE ADVENTURES OF GEO. THOMPSON***</p> +<p>******* This file should be named 28635-h.txt or 28635-h.zip *******</p> +<p>This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:<br /> +<a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/2/8/6/3/28635">http://www.gutenberg.org/2/8/6/3/28635</a></p> +<p>Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed.</p> + +<p>Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution.</p> + + + +<pre> +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +<a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/license">http://www.gutenberg.org/license)</a>. + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS,' WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at http://www.gutenberg.org/fundraising/pglaf. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at http://www.gutenberg.org/about/contact + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit http://www.gutenberg.org/fundraising/pglaf + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. +To donate, please visit: http://www.gutenberg.org/fundraising/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +Each eBook is in a subdirectory of the same number as the eBook's +eBook number, often in several formats including plain vanilla ASCII, +compressed (zipped), HTML and others. + +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks replace the old file and take over +the old filename and etext number. The replaced older file is renamed. +VERSIONS based on separate sources are treated as new eBooks receiving +new filenames and etext numbers. + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + +<a href="http://www.gutenberg.org">http://www.gutenberg.org</a> + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. + +EBooks posted prior to November 2003, with eBook numbers BELOW #10000, +are filed in directories based on their release date. If you want to +download any of these eBooks directly, rather than using the regular +search system you may utilize the following addresses and just +download by the etext year. + +<a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext06/">http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext06/</a> + + (Or /etext 05, 04, 03, 02, 01, 00, 99, + 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93, 92, 92, 91 or 90) + +EBooks posted since November 2003, with etext numbers OVER #10000, are +filed in a different way. The year of a release date is no longer part +of the directory path. The path is based on the etext number (which is +identical to the filename). The path to the file is made up of single +digits corresponding to all but the last digit in the filename. For +example an eBook of filename 10234 would be found at: + +http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/1/0/2/3/10234 + +or filename 24689 would be found at: +http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/2/4/6/8/24689 + +An alternative method of locating eBooks: +<a href="http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/GUTINDEX.ALL">http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/GUTINDEX.ALL</a> + +*** END: FULL LICENSE *** +</pre> +</body> +</html> diff --git a/28635-h/images/cover.jpg b/28635-h/images/cover.jpg Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a44d054 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-h/images/cover.jpg diff --git a/28635-page-images/f0001-image1.png b/28635-page-images/f0001-image1.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..54a41c3 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/f0001-image1.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/f0001.png b/28635-page-images/f0001.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..6010fdb --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/f0001.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0313.png b/28635-page-images/p0313.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..e876631 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0313.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0314.png b/28635-page-images/p0314.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..c1ab192 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0314.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0315.png b/28635-page-images/p0315.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..0287676 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0315.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0316.png b/28635-page-images/p0316.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..49cebd7 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0316.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0317.png b/28635-page-images/p0317.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..5d16218 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0317.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0318.png b/28635-page-images/p0318.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..c144376 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0318.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0319.png b/28635-page-images/p0319.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..b0c09ae --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0319.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0320.png b/28635-page-images/p0320.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..9b5ace5 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0320.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0321.png b/28635-page-images/p0321.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..3fca549 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0321.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0322.png b/28635-page-images/p0322.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..973b0c5 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0322.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0323.png b/28635-page-images/p0323.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..9bc4b72 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0323.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0324.png b/28635-page-images/p0324.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a1741c4 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0324.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0325.png b/28635-page-images/p0325.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a880c9e --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0325.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0326.png b/28635-page-images/p0326.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..c5d4c52 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0326.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0327.png b/28635-page-images/p0327.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..f9d4cd9 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0327.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0328.png b/28635-page-images/p0328.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..6ded1dd --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0328.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0329.png b/28635-page-images/p0329.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..cc05922 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0329.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0330.png b/28635-page-images/p0330.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..f78ae1b --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0330.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0331.png b/28635-page-images/p0331.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..e7eab4a --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0331.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0332.png b/28635-page-images/p0332.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..1fbeb59 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0332.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0333.png b/28635-page-images/p0333.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..83785b1 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0333.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0334.png b/28635-page-images/p0334.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..9408c95 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0334.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0335.png b/28635-page-images/p0335.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..e243ad5 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0335.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0336.png b/28635-page-images/p0336.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..fdbd4b8 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0336.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0337.png b/28635-page-images/p0337.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..d8a21ec --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0337.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0338.png b/28635-page-images/p0338.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..de0462d --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0338.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0339.png b/28635-page-images/p0339.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..549aea5 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0339.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0340.png b/28635-page-images/p0340.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..401ccfa --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0340.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0341.png b/28635-page-images/p0341.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..383728d --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0341.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0342.png b/28635-page-images/p0342.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..c0ecf3c --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0342.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0343.png b/28635-page-images/p0343.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..576dc02 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0343.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0344.png b/28635-page-images/p0344.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..3d9c807 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0344.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0345.png b/28635-page-images/p0345.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..7ae58ce --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0345.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0346.png b/28635-page-images/p0346.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..566930c --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0346.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0347.png b/28635-page-images/p0347.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..6f50739 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0347.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0348.png b/28635-page-images/p0348.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..5055882 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0348.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0349.png b/28635-page-images/p0349.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..ac8669f --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0349.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0350.png b/28635-page-images/p0350.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..02ba0b5 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0350.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0351.png b/28635-page-images/p0351.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..25a182c --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0351.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0352.png b/28635-page-images/p0352.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..1a9e0c8 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0352.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0353.png b/28635-page-images/p0353.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..be2e58c --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0353.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0354.png b/28635-page-images/p0354.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..dc05c3d --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0354.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0355.png b/28635-page-images/p0355.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..679fb5a --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0355.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0356.png b/28635-page-images/p0356.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..cf39821 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0356.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0357.png b/28635-page-images/p0357.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..56a8b80 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0357.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0358.png b/28635-page-images/p0358.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..8e909ab --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0358.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0359.png b/28635-page-images/p0359.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..0268fff --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0359.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0360.png b/28635-page-images/p0360.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..2d6d487 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0360.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0361.png b/28635-page-images/p0361.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a350cea --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0361.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0362.png b/28635-page-images/p0362.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..220d177 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0362.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0363.png b/28635-page-images/p0363.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..74c0d84 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0363.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0364.png b/28635-page-images/p0364.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..4ee3420 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0364.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0365.png b/28635-page-images/p0365.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..4c466fa --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0365.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0366.png b/28635-page-images/p0366.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..56037f8 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0366.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0367.png b/28635-page-images/p0367.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a2b5ae7 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0367.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0368.png b/28635-page-images/p0368.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..7ad3b42 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0368.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0369.png b/28635-page-images/p0369.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..a5a4d1f --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0369.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0370.png b/28635-page-images/p0370.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..1483c59 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0370.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0371.png b/28635-page-images/p0371.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..4e5e8d7 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0371.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0372.png b/28635-page-images/p0372.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..73b21fc --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0372.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0373.png b/28635-page-images/p0373.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..905f9ae --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0373.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0374.png b/28635-page-images/p0374.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..4a3b498 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0374.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0375.png b/28635-page-images/p0375.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..7a0254a --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0375.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0376.png b/28635-page-images/p0376.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..63d1bc5 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0376.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0377.png b/28635-page-images/p0377.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..1addce0 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0377.png diff --git a/28635-page-images/p0378.png b/28635-page-images/p0378.png Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..8ede6c9 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635-page-images/p0378.png diff --git a/28635.txt b/28635.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..56cd1e6 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635.txt @@ -0,0 +1,4309 @@ +The Project Gutenberg eBook, My Life: or the Adventures of Geo. Thompson, +by George Thompson + + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + + + + +Title: My Life: or the Adventures of Geo. Thompson + Being the Auto-Biography of an Author. Written by Himself. + + +Author: George Thompson + + + +Release Date: April 29, 2009 [eBook #28635] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-646-US (US-ASCII) + + +***START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MY LIFE: OR THE ADVENTURES OF GEO. +THOMPSON*** + + +E-text prepared by Matt Whittaker, Suzanne Shell, and the Project +Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net) + + + + ********************************************************************** + * Transcriber's Note: * + * * + * Obvious typographical errors were corrected and the use of hyphens * + * was made consistent throughout. All other spelling and punctuation * + * was retained as it appeared in the original text. * + ********************************************************************** + + + + + +MY LIFE: + +Or + +The Adventures of Geo. Thompson. +Being the Auto-Biography of an +Author. Written by Himself. + + + Why rove in _Fiction's_ shadowy land, + And seek for treasures there, + When _Truth's_ domain, so near at hand, + Is filled with things most rare-- + When every day brings something new, + Some great, stupendous change, + Something exciting, wild and _true_, + Most wonderful and strange! + + [ORIGINAL.] + + + + + + + +{First published 1854} + + +[Illustration: Yellow Cover of Thompson's _My Life_. Original size 6 x +9-1/8". Courtesy, American Antiquarian Society.] + + + + +INTRODUCTION + +_In which the author defineth his position._ + + +It having become the fashion of distinguished novelists to write their +own lives--or, in other words, to blow their own trumpets,--the author +of these pages is induced, at the solicitation of numerous friends, +whose bumps of inquisitiveness are strongly developed, to present his +auto-biography to the public--in so doing which, he but follows the +example of Alexandre Dumas, the brilliant French novelist, and of the +world-renowned Dickens, both of whom are understood to be preparing +their personal histories for the press. + +Now, in comparing myself with the above great worthies, who are so +deservedly distinguished in the world of literature, I shall be accused +of unpardonable presumption and ridiculous egotism--but I care not what +may be said of me, inasmuch as a total independence of the opinions, +feelings and prejudices of the world, has always been a prominent +characteristic of mine--and that portion of the world and the "rest of +mankind" which does not like me, has my full permission to go to the +devil as soon as it can make all the necessary arrangements for the +journey. + +I shall be true and candid, in these pages. I shall not seek to conceal +one of my numerous faults which I acknowledge and deplore; and, if I +imagine that I possess one solitary merit, I shall not be backward in +making that merit known. Those who know me personally, will never accuse +me of entertaining one single atom of that despicable quality, +self-conceit; those who do not know me, are at liberty to think what +they please.--Heaven knows that had I possessed a higher estimation of +myself, a more complete reliance upon my own powers, and some of that +universal commodity known as "cheek," I should at this present moment +have been far better off in fame and fortune. But I have been +unobtrusive, unambitious, retiring--and my friends have blamed me for +this a thousand times. I have seen writers of no talent at all--petty +scribblers, wasters of ink and spoilers of paper, who could not write +six consecutive lines of English grammar, and whose short paragraphs for +the newspapers invariably had to undergo revision and correction--I have +seen such fellows causing themselves to be invited to public banquets +and other festivals, and forcing their unwelcome presence into the +society of the most distinguished men of the day. + +I have spoken of my friends--now a word or two in regard to my enemies. +Like most men who have figured before the public, in whatever capacity, +I have secured the hatred of many persons, who, jealous of my humble +fame, have lost no opportunity of spitting out their malice and opposing +my progress. The friendship of such persons is a misfortune--their +enmity is a blessing. + +I assure them that their hatred will never cause me to lose a fraction +of my appetite, or my nightly rest. They may consider themselves very +fortunate, if, in the following pages, they do not find themselves +immortalized by my notice, although they are certainly unworthy of so +great a distinction. I enjoy the friendship of men of letters, and am +therefore not to be put down by the opposition of a parcel of senseless +blockheads, without brain, or heart, or soul. + +I shall doubtless find it necessary to make allusions to local places, +persons, incidents, &c. Those will add greatly to the interest of the +narrative. Many portraits will be readily recognized, especially those +whose originals reside in Boston, where the greater portion of my +literary career has been passed. + +_The life of an author_, must necessarily be one of peculiar and +absorbing interest, for he dwells in a world of his own creation, and +his tastes, habits, and feelings are different from those of other +people. How little is he understood--how imperfectly is he appreciated, +by a cold, unsympathising world! his eccentricities are ridiculed--his +excesses are condemned by unthinking persons, who cannot comprehend the +fact that a writer, whose mind is weary, naturally longs for physical +excitement of some kind of other, and too often seeks for a temporary +mental oblivion in the intoxicating bowl. Under any and every +circumstance, the author is certainly deserving of some degree of +charitable consideration, because he labors hard for the public +entertainment, and draws heavily on the treasures of his imagination, in +order to supply the continual demands of the reading community. When the +author has led a life of stirring adventure, his history becomes one of +extraordinary and thrilling interest. I flatter myself that this +narrative will be found worthy of the reader's perusal. + +And now a few words concerning my personal identity. Many have insanely +supposed me to be George Thompson, the celebrated English abolitionist +and member of the British Parliament, but such cannot be the case, that +individual having returned to his own country. Again--others have taken +me for George Thompson, the pugilist; but by far the greater part of the +performers in this interesting "Comedy of Errors" have imagined me to be +no less a personage than the celebrated "_One-eyed Thompson_," and they +long continued in this belief, even after that talented but most +unfortunate man had committed suicide in New York, and in spite of the +fact that his name was William H., and not George. Two circumstances, +however, seemed to justify the belief before the man's death:--he, like +myself, had the great misfortune to be deprived of an eye. How the +misfortune happened to _me_, I shall relate in the proper place. I have +written many works of fiction, but I have passed through adventures +quite as extraordinary as any which I have drawn from the imagination. + +In order to establish my claim to the title of "author," I will +enumerate a few of the works which I have written:-- + +Gay Girls of New York, Dissipation, The Housekeeper, Venus in Boston, +Jack Harold, Criminal, Outlaw, Road to Ruin, Brazen Star, Kate +Castleton, Redcliff, The Libertine, City Crimes, The Gay Deceiver, Twin +Brothers, Demon of Gold, Dashington, Lady's Garter, Harry Glindon, +Catharine and Clara. + +In addition to these works--which have all met with a rapid sale and +most extensive circulation--I have written a sufficient quantity of +tales, sketches, poetry, essays and other literary stock of every +description, to constitute half a dozen cart loads. My adventures, +however, and not my productions must employ my pen; and begging the +reader's pardon for this rather lengthy, but very necessary, +introduction, I begin my task. + + + + +CHAPTER I + +_In which I begin to Acquire a Knowledge of the World._ + + +I have always thought, and still think, that it matters very little +where or when a man is born--it is sufficient for him to know that he is +_here_, and that he had better adapt himself, as far as possible, to the +circumstances by which he is surrounded, provided that he wishes to +toddle through the world with comfort and credit to himself and to the +approbation of others. But still, in order to please all classes of +readers, I will state that some thirty years ago a young stranger +struggled into existence in the city of New York; and I will just merely +hint that the twenty-eighth day of August, in the year of our Lord one +thousand eight hundred and twenty-three, should be inserted in the next +(comic) almanac as having been the birth-day of a great man--for when an +individual attains a bodily weight of two hundred pounds and over, may +he not be styled _great_? + +My parents were certainly respectable people, but they both +inconsiderately died at a very early period of my life, leaving me a few +hundred dollars and a thickheaded uncle, to whom was attached an +objectionable aunt, the proprietress of a long nose and a shrewish +temper. The nose was adapted to the consumption of snuff, and the temper +was effective in the destruction of my happiness and peace of mind. The +worthy couple, with a prophetic eye, saw that I was destined to become, +in future years, somewhat of a _gourmand_, unless care should be taken +to prevent such a melancholy fate; therefore, actuated by the best +motives, and in order to teach me the luxury of abstinence, they began +by slow but sure degrees to starve me. Good people, how I reverence +their memory! + +One night I committed burglary upon a closet, and feloniously carried +off a chunk of bread and meat, which I devoured in the cellar. + +"Oh, my prophetic soul--_my uncle_!" That excellent man caught me in the +act of eating the provender, and--my bones ache at this very moment as I +think of the licking I got! I forgot to mention that I had a rather +insignificant brother, four years older than myself, who became my +uncle's apprentice, and who joined that gentleman in his persecutions +against me. My kind relatives were rather blissful people in the way of +ignorance, and they hated me because they imagined that I regarded +myself as their superior--a belief that was founded on the fact that I +shunned their society and passed the greater portion of my time in +reading and writing. + +I lived at that time in Thomas street, very near the famous brothel of +Rosina Townsend, in whose house that dreadful murder was committed +which the New York public will still remember with a thrill of horror. I +allude to the murder of the celebrated courtezan Ellen Jewett. Her +lover, Richard P. Robinson, was tried and acquitted of the murder, +through the eloquence of his talented counsel, Ogden Hoffman, Esq. The +facts of the case are briefly these:--Robinson was a clerk in a +wholesale store, and was the paramour of Ellen, who was strongly +attached to him. Often have I seen them walking together, both dressed +in the height of fashion, the beautiful Ellen leaning upon the arm of +the dashing Dick, while their elegant appearance attracted universal +attention and admiration. But all this soon came to a bloody +termination. Dick was engaged to be married to a young lady of the +highest respectability, the heiress of wealth and the possessor of +surpassing loveliness. He informed Ellen that his connection with her +must cease in consequence of his matrimonial arrangements, whereupon +Ellen threatened to expose him to his "intended" if he abandoned her. +Embarrassed by the critical nature of his situation, Dick, then, in an +evil hour, resolved to kill the courtezan who threatened to destroy his +anticipated happiness. One Saturday night he visited her as usual; and +after a splendid supper, they returned to her chamber. Upon that +occasion, as was afterwards proved on the trial, Dick wore an ample +cloak, and several persons noticed that he seemed to have something +concealed beneath it. His manner towards Ellen and also his words, were +that night unusually caressing and affectionate. What passed in that +chamber, and who perpetrated that murder the Almighty knows--_and, +perhaps, Dick Robinson, if he is still alive, also knows_![A] The next +morning (Sunday,) at a very early hour, smoke was seen to proceed from +Ellen's chamber, and the curtains of her bed were found to have been set +on fire. The flames were with difficulty extinguished, and there in the +half consumed bed, was found the mangled corpse of Ellen Jewett, having +on the side of her head an awful wound, which had evidently been +inflicted by a hatchet. Dick Robinson was nowhere to be found, but in +the garden, near a fence, were discovered his cloak and a bloody +hatchet. With many others, I entered the room in which lay the body of +Ellen, and never shall I forget the horrid spectacle that met my gaze! +There, upon that couch of sin, which had been scathed by fire, lay +blackened the half-burned remains of a once-beautiful woman, whose head +exhibited the dreadful wound which had caused her death. It had plainly +been the murderer's intention to burn down the house in order to destroy +the ghastly evidence of his crime; but fate ordained that the fire +should be discovered and extinguished before the _fatal wound_ became +obliterated. Robinson, as I said before, was tried and pronounced +guiltless of the crime, through the ingenuity of his counsel, who termed +him an "_innocent boy_." The public, however, firmly believed in his +guilt; and the question arises--"If Dick Robinson did not kill Ellen +Jewett, _who did_?" I do not believe that ever before was presented so +shameful an instance of perverted justice, or so striking an +illustration of the "glorious uncertainty of the law." It is rather +singular that Furlong, a grocer, who swore to an _alibi_ in favor of +Robinson, and who was the chief instrument employed to effect the +acquittal of that young man, some time afterwards committed suicide by +drowning, having first declared that his conscience reproached him for +the part which he played at the trial! + +The Sabbath upon which this murder was brought to light was a dark, +stormy day, and I have reason to remember it well, for, in the +afternoon, that good old pilgrim--my uncle, of course,--discovered that +I had played truant from Sunday School in the morning, and for that +atrocious crime, he, in his holy zeal for my spiritual and temporal +welfare, resolved to bestow upon me a wholesome and severe flogging, +being aided and abetted in the formation of that laudable resolution by +my religious aunt and my sanctimonious brother, the latter of whom had +turned _informer_ against me. Sweet relatives? how I love to think of +them--and never do I fail to remember them in my prayers. Well, I was +lugged up into the garret, which was intended to be the scene of my +punishment. If I recollect rightly, I was then about twelve years of +age, and rather a stout youth considering my years. I determined to +rebel against the authority of my beloved kindred, assert my +independence, and defend myself to the best of my ability. "I have +suffered enough;" said I to myself, "and now I'm _going in_." + +"Sabbath-breaker, strip off your jacket," mildly remarked by dear uncle +as he savagely flourished a cowhide of most formidable aspect and +alarming suppleness. + +My reply was brief, but expressive: + +"I'll see you d----d first," said I. + +My uncle turned pale, my aunt screamed, and my brother rolled up the +white of his eyes and groaned. + +"What, what did you say?" demanded my uncle, who could not believe the +evidence of his own senses, for up to that moment I had always tamely +submitted to the good man's amiable treatment of me, and he found it +impossible to imagine that I was capable of resisting him. Well, if +there ever _was_ an angel on earth, that uncle of mine was that +particular angel. Saints in general are provided with pinched noses, +green eyes, and voices like unto the wailings of a small pig, which is +suffering the agonies of death beneath a cart-wheel. And, if there ever +was a cherub, my brother _was_ certainly that individual cherub, +although, in truth, my pious recollections do not furnish me with the +statement that cherubs are remarkable for swelled heads and bandy legs. + +"I say," was my reply to my uncle's astonished inquiry, "that I ain't +going to stand any more abuse and beatings. I've stood bad treatment +long enough from the whole pack of you. I'm almost starved, and I'm +kicked about like a dog. Let any of you three tyrants touch me, and I'll +show you what is to get desperate. I disown you all as relatives, and +hereafter I'm going to live where I please, and do as I please." + +Furious with rage, my sweet-tempered uncle raised the cowhide and with +it struck me across the face. I immediately pitched into that portion of +his person where he was accustomed to stow away his Sabbath beans, and +the excellent man fell head over heels down the garret stairs, landing +securely at the bottom and failing to pick himself up, for the simple +reason that he had broken his leg. What a pity it would have been, and +what a loss society would have sustained, if, instead of his leg, the +holy man had broken his _neck_! + +My dear brother, accompanied by my affectionate aunt, now choked me, but +I was not to be conquered just then, for "thrice is he armed who hath +his quarrel just." The lady I landed in a tub of impure water that +happened to be standing near; and she presented quite an interesting +appearance, kicking up her heels and squalling like a cat in +difficulties. My other assailant I hurled into a heap of ashes, and the +way he blubbered was a caution to a Nantucket whaleman. Rushing down the +stairs, I passed over the prostrate form of my crippled uncle, who +requested me to come back, so that he might kick me with his serviceable +foot; but, brute that I was, I disregarded him--requested him to go to a +place which shall be nameless--and then left the house as expeditiously +as possible, fully determined never to return, whatever might be the +consequences. + +"I am now old enough, and big enough," I mentally reflected, "to take +care of myself; and to-morrow I'll look for work, and try to get a +chance to learn a trade. Where shall I sleep to-night? It's easy enough +to ask that question, but deuced hard to answer it. I wish to-day wasn't +Sunday!" + +Rather an impious wish, but quite natural under the circumstances. I +felt in my pockets, to see if I was the proprietor of any loose change; +my search was magnificently successful, for I discovered that I had a +sixpence! + +Yes, reader, a new silver sixpence, that glittered in my hand like a +bright star of hope, urging me on to enterprise--to exertions. So +fearful was I of losing the precious coin, that I continued to grasp it +tightly in my hand. I never had been allowed any pocket money, even on +the Fourth of July; and this large sum had come into my possession +through the munificence of a neighbor, as a reward for performing an +errand. + +Not knowing where else to go, I went down on the Battery, and sheltered +myself under a tree from the rain, which fell in torrents. Rather an +interesting situation for a youth of twelve--homeless, friendless, +almost penniless! I was wet through to the skin, and as night came on, I +became desperately hungry, for I had eaten no dinner that day, and even +my breakfast had been of the _phantom_ order--something like the +pasteboard meals which are displayed upon the stage of the theatre. +However, I did not despair, for I was young and active, full of the hope +so natural to a youth ere rough contact with the world has crushed his +spirit. I was well aware of the fact that I was no fool, although I had +often been called one by my hostile and unappreciating relatives, whose +opinions I had ever held in most supreme contempt. As I stood under that +tree to shelter myself from the rain, I felt quite happy, for a feeling +of independence had arisen within me. I was now my own master, and the +consciousness that I must solely rely upon myself, was to me a source of +gratification and pride. I had not the slightest doubt of being able to +dig my way through the world in some way or other. + +Night came on at last, black as the brow of a Congo nigger, and starless +as a company of travelling actors. I could not remain under the tree all +night, that was certain; and so I left it, although I could scarcely see +my hand before me. That hand, by the way, still tenaciously grasped the +invaluable sixpence. Groping my way out of the Battery, and guided by a +light, I entered the bar-room of a respectable hotel, where a large +number of well-dressed gentlemen were assembled, who were seeking +shelter from the storm, and at the same time indulging their convivial +propensities. Much noise and confusion prevailed; and two gentlemen, +who, as I afterwards learned, were officers belonging to a Spanish +vessel then in port, fell into a dispute and got into a fight, during +which one of them stabbed the other with a dirk-knife, inflicting a +mortal wound. + +Officers were sent for, the murderer and his victim were removed, and +comparative quiet prevailed. I was seated in an obscure corner of the +bar-room, wondering how I should get through the night, when I was +unceremoniously accosted by a lad of about my own age. He was a rakish +looking youth, quite handsome withal, dressed in the height of fashion, +and was smoking a cigar with great vigor and apparent relish. It will be +seen hereafter that I have reason to remember this individual to the +very last day of my life. Would to heaven that I had never met him! + +This youth slapped me familiarly on the shoulder, and said-- + +"Hallo, bub! why, you're wet as a drowned rat! Come and take a brandy +cocktail--it will warm you up!" + +I had never drank a drop of liquor in my life, and I hadn't the faintest +idea of what a brandy cocktail was, and so I told my new friend, who +laughed immoderately as he exclaimed-- + +"How jolly green you are, to be sure; why, you're a regular _greenhorn_, +and I'm going to call you by that name hereafter. Have you got any tin?" + +I knew that he meant money, and so I told him that I had but a sixpence +in the world. + +"Bah!" cried my friend, as he drew his cigar from his mouth and +salivated in the most fashionable manner, "who are you, what are you and +what are you doing here? Come, tell me all about yourself, and it may +perhaps be in my power to do you a service." + +His frank, off-hand manner won my confidence. I told him my whole story, +without any reserve; and he laughed uproariously when I told him how I +had pitched my tyrannical uncle down stairs. + +"It served the old chap right," said he approvingly--"you are a fellow +of some spirit, and I like you. Come take a drink, and we can afterwards +talk over what is best to be done." + +I objected to drink, because I had formed a strong prejudice against +ardent spirits, having often been a witness of its deplorable effects in +depriving men--and women, too--of their reason, and reducing them to the +condition of brute beasts. So, in declining my friend's invitation, I +told him my reasons for so doing, whereupon he laughed louder than ever, +as he remarked-- + +"Why, _Greenhorn_, you'd make an excellent temperance lecturer. But +perhaps you think I haven't got any money to pay the rum. Look +here--what do you think of _that_?" + +He displayed a large roll of bank bills, and flourished them +triumphantly. I had never before seen so much money, except in the +broker's windows; and my friend was immediately established in my mind +as a _millionaire_, whose wealth was inexhaustible. I suddenly conceived +for him the most profound respect, and would not have offended him for +the world. How could I persist in refusing to drink with a young +gentleman of such wealth, and (as a necessary consequence) such +distinction? Besides, I suddenly felt quite a curiosity to drink some +liquor, just to see how it tasted. After all, it was only very low +people who got drunk and wallowed in the mire. _Gentlemen_ (I thought) +never get drunk, and they always seem so happy and joyous after they +have been drinking! How they shake hands, and swear eternal friendship, +and seem generously willing to lend or give away all they have in the +world! So thought I, as my mind was made up to accept the invitation of +my friend. It is singular that I had forgotten all about the murder +which had just taken place in that bar-room, and which had been directly +produced by intemperance. + +"The fact is, my dear _Greenhorn_," said my friend, impressively, as he +flourished his hand after the manner of some aged, experienced and +eloquent orator, "the fact is, the _use_ of liquor, and its _abuse_, are +two very different things. A man (here he drew himself up) can drink +like a gentleman, or he can swill like a loafer, or a beast. Now _I_ +prefer the gentlemanly portion of the argument, and therefore we'll go +up and take a gentlemanly drink. I shall be happy, young man, to +initiate you into the divine joys and mysteries of Bacchus--ahem!" + +I looked at my friend with increased wonder, for he displayed an +assurance, a self-possession, an elegant _nonchalance_, that were far +beyond his years, for he was only about twelve years old--my own age +exactly. And then what language he used--so refined, glowing, and +indicative of a knowledge of the world! I longed to be like him--to +equal him in his many perfections--to sport as much money as he did, and +to wear as good "_harness_." I forgot to mention that he carried a +splendid gold watch, and that several glittering rings adorned his +fingers. "Who can he be?" was the question which I asked myself; and of +course, I could not find an answer. + +"Felix," said my friend, addressing the bar-keeper in a style of +patronizing condescension, as we approached the bar, "Felix, my good +fellow, just mix us a couple of brandy cocktails, will you, and make +them _strong_, d'ye hear, for the night is wet, and I and my verdant +friend here, are about to travel in search of amusement, even as the +Caliph and his Vizier used to perambulate the streets of Baghdad. Come, +hurry up!" + +The bar-keeper grinned, mixed the liquor, and handed us the tumblers. My +friend knocked his glass against mine, and remarked "here's luck," a +ceremony and an observation which both somewhat surprised me at the +time, although I have long since become thoroughly acquainted with what +was then a mystery. Many of my readers--indeed, I may say the greater +portion of them--will require no explanation of this matter; and as for +those who are in ignorance of it, I will simply say, long may they keep +so! + +My friend tossed off his cocktail with the air of one who is used to it, +and rather liked it than otherwise; but I was not quite so successful, +for being wholly unacquainted with the science of drinking, the strength +of the liquor nearly choked me, to the intense amusement of my more +experienced friend, who advised me to try again. I _did_ try again, and +more successfully, the liquor went the way of all rum, and soon produced +the usual effects. Of course its influence on me was exceedingly +powerful, I being entirely unaccustomed to its use. A very agreeable +feeling of exhilaration stole over me--I thought I was worth just one +hundred thousand dollars--I embraced my friend and swore he was a +"trump"--I then noticed, with mild surprise, that he had been multiplied +into two individuals--there were two barkeepers now, although just +before I drank, there was but one--an additional chandelier had just +stepped in to visit the solitary one which had lighted the room--to +speak plainly, I saw double; and to sum the whole matter up in a few +words, I was, for the first time in my life, most decidedly and +incontestably _drunk_. + +As nearly as I can remember, my friend linked his arm within mine, and +we passed out into the street--he partially supporting me, and keeping +me from falling. Two precious youths, of twelve years of age, we +certainly were--one staggering and trying to fall down, and the other +laughing, and holding him up! + +The rain had ceased falling, and the stars were shining as if nothing +had happened. The cool air sobered me, and my friend congratulated me on +my recovery from a state of inebriety. + +"After a little practice at the bar," said he--"it will take a good many +_tods_ to _floor_ you. Let me give you a few hints as regards drinking. +Never mix your liquor--always stick to one kind. After every glass, eat +a cracker--or, what is better, a pickle. Plain drinks are always the +best--far preferable to fancy drinks, which contain sugar, and lemons, +and mint, and other trash; although a mixed drink may be taken on a +stormy night, such as this has been. Drink ale, or beer, sparingly, and +only after dinner--for, taken in large quantities, it is apt to bloat a +person, and it plays the very devil with his internal arrangements. +Besides, it is filthy stuff, at best, being made of the most repulsive +materials and in the dirtiest manner. Always drink _good liquor_, which +will not hurt you, while the vile stuff which is sold in the different +bar-rooms will soon send you to your grave. If you pass a day or two in +drinking freely, do not miss eating a single meal, and if you do not +feel inclined to eat, _force_ yourself to do it; for, if you neglect +your food, that terrible fiend, _Delirium Tremens_, will have you in his +savage grasp before you know it. Every morning after a _spree_, take a +good stiff horn of brandy, and soon afterwards a glass of plain soda, +which will cool you off. Never drink gin--it is vulgar stuff, not fit to +be used by gentlemen.--When you desire to reform from drinking, never +break off abruptly, which is dangerous; but _taper off_ gradually--three +glasses to-day, two to-morrow, and one the next day. Never drink with +low people, under any circumstances, for it brings you down to their +level. When you go to a drinking party, or to a fashionable dinner, sit +with your back toward the sun--confine yourself to one kind of +liquor--take an occasional sip of vinegar--and the very devil himself +cannot drink you under the table! Now do you understand me, my dear +_greenhorn_?" + +Such language and advice, emanating from a boy of twelve, astonished me, +and hurried me to the conclusion that he must be a very "_fast_" youth +indeed. I took a more particular survey of my new friend. He was not +remarkable handsome, but his face was flushing not with health, but +with drinking. A rosy tint suffused his full cheeks, and a delicate +vermillion colored the top of his well-formed nose. His form was +somewhat slighter than mine, but he looked vigorous and active. His +closely buttoned jacket developed a full breast, and a pair of muscular +arms. His small feet were encased in patent-leather boots. Upon his head +was a jaunty cloth cap, from beneath which flowed a quantity of fine, +curly hair. I really envied him his good looks, as also his mental +endowments. He saw that I admired him; and he liked me for it. + +Such was _Jack Slack_, I may as well give his name at once, for I hate +the trickery of authors who keep the curiosity of their readers +painfully excited to the end of their narratives for the purpose of +producing an _effect_. My professional habits as a writer prompt me to +do the same; but I must not forget that I am writing my own history, and +not an effusion of my imagination, which seems to be a prolific mother, +for it hath produced many children, and (if I live) may produce many +more. + +While I now write, the Sabbath bells are ringing in sweet harmony, and +through my open window comes the cool but mild breath of an autumnal +morning. Yes, it is Sunday, and all the holy associations of the sacred +day crowd upon me. I can almost see the village church, and the throng +of worshippers within it, listening to the fervent remarks and +exhortations of their pastor. Then I can fancy the gorgeous cathedral, +with its stained windows, its elaborate carvings, its pealing organs, +and its fashionable assembly of superficial worshippers. While others +are praying, pleasuring and sleeping, I am rushing my iron pen over the +spotless paper, and wishing that my penmanship could keep pace with my +thought.--This is a digression; but the reader will pardon it. There is +_one_ dear creature, I know, who, when her eyes scan these pages, will +understand me. But she, alas! is far away. + +Where was I? Oh, speaking of Jack Slack. How well do I remember the +night upon which first I met him! I can see him now, with his +mischievous smiles, his eyes full of deviltry--his scornful lips--I can +almost hear his mocking laugh. Yes, although eighteen years have passed +since then, the remembrance of that night is fresh within me, as if its +occurrence were but things of yesterday. + +May perdition seize the circumstances which led me to encounter him! He +was the foundation of my misfortunes in life. But for him, I might have +led a happy, tranquil life; unknown, it is true, but still happy. But, +poor fellow! he is dead now. He died by my hand, and I do not regret the +act, nor would I recall it, had I the power. But of this the reader +shall know hereafter. + +That was my first night of dissipation--that was the occasion of my +initiation into the mysteries of debauchery. I had previously led a +necessarily regular and abstemious life--to bed at eight, up at six, at +school by nine, and so on. (By the way, I never learned any thing at +school--the master pronounced me the most stupid rascal in the concern; +and flogged me accordingly--good old man! All I ever learned was +acquired in a _printing office_.) Well, here was I at the age of twelve, +fairly launched upon the sea of city life, without a guide, protector, +or friend. What wonder is it that I became a reckless, dissipated +individual, careless of myself, my interests, my fame and fortune? + +Jack Slack and I, arm-in-arm, entered Broadway, and proceeded at a +leisurely pace up that noble avenue. Many a courtezan did we meet, and +many a watchman did we salute with the compliments of the season. (There +were no _Brazen Stars_,[B] nor _M.P.'s_, then.) One lady of the pave, +whom my companion addressed in terms of complimentary gallantry, +said--"Little boy, go home to your mother and tell her she wants you!" + +I am now about to make a humiliating confession, but I must not shrink +from it, inasmuch as I sat down with the determination of writing "the +truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth." I allowed Jack to +persuade me to accompany him on a visit to a celebrated establishment in +Leonard street--a house occupied by accommodating ladies of great +personal attractions, who were not especially virtuous. That was of +course my first visit to a house of ill-fame; and without exactly +comprehending the nature of the place and its arrangements, I was deeply +impressed with the strangeness and novelty of everything that surrounded +me. The costly and elegant furniture--the brilliant chandeliers--the +magnificent but rather _loose_ French prints and paintings--the +universal luxury that prevailed--the voluptuous ladies, with their bare +shoulders, painted cheeks, and free-and-easy manners--the buxom, +bustling landlady, who was dressed with almost regal splendor and wore a +profusion of jewelry--the crowd of half-drunken gentlemen who were +drinking wine and laughing uproariously--all these things astonished and +bewildered me. My friend Jack appeared to be well known to the inmates +of the house, with whom he seemed to be an immense favorite. +Having--much to my dissatisfaction and disgust--introduced me to a lady, +he took possession of another one, and called for a couple of bottles of +wine. Jack and his lady were evidently upon the most intimate and +affectionate terms, while my female companion seemed inclined to be very +loving, but I did not appreciate her advances, being altogether +unaccustomed to such things. The champagne was brought, and I was +persuaded to drink freely of it. The consequence was that I soon became +helplessly intoxicated. I can indistinctly remember the dancing lights, +the popping of champagne corks--the noise, the confusion, the thrumming +of a piano, and the boisterous laughter--and then I fell into a +condition of complete insensibility. + +When I awoke, I was astonished at my situation and naturally enough, for +I was in a strange apartment and snugly stowed away in a strange but +decidedly luxuriant bed. The room was handsomely furnished, but to my +additional surprise, many female garments were scattered about, +indicating that the regular inhabitant of the place was a lady. This +mystery was soon solved, for I was not the only inmate of the couch. My +companion was the lady to whom I had been introduced by Jack Slack. +Pitying my helpless condition--and, doubtless, prompted by the +mischievous Jack--she had carried me to bed, and had also retired +herself, being actuated by a benevolent anxiety for my safety. What a +delicate situation for a modest youth to be placed in! Having, to my no +small satisfaction, ascertained that the lady was fast asleep, I arose +so carefully and noiselessly as not to awaken her. In truth, I was +disgusted with the whole concern, and determined to leave it as speedily +as possible. A light was fortunately burning in the room, which enabled +me to move about with safety. A gold watch which lay upon the table +informed me that it was nearly midnight.--Leaving the chamber and its +sleeping inmate, I crept down stairs, and, on passing the door of the +principal sitting-room, the voice of Jack Slack, who was singing a comic +song amid the most enthusiastic applause, convinced me that my +interesting friend was still rendering himself a source of amusement and +an object of admiration. Without stopping to compliment him upon the +excellence of his performance, I approached the front door, turned the +key which was in the lock, unfastened the chain, and passed out into the +street, just as the clock of a neighboring steeple was proclaiming the +hour of twelve. + +My head ached terribly after the champagne which I had so profusely +drank, and besides, I felt heavy and sleepy to an extraordinary degree. +Unable to resist the overpowering influence of my feelings, I sat down +upon the steps of a house and was fast asleep in less than a minute. +Then I dreamed of being seized in the powerful grasp of some gigantic +demon, and hurried away to the bottomless pit. I certainly felt +conscious of being moved about, but my oblivious condition would not +admit of arriving at any definite understanding of what was happening to +me. When I finally awoke, I found myself in an apartment that was far +different in its aspect from the luxurious chamber I had just quitted. +The floor, walls and ceiling of the apartment were of stone; there were +no windows, but a narrow aperture, high up in the wall, admitted the +feeble glimmer of daylight. There was an iron door, and a water-pipe, +and platform on which I lay, and on which reposed several gentlemen of +seedy raiment and unwholesome appearance. The place and the company, as +dimly revealed by the uncertain morning light, inspired me with emotions +of horror; and in my inexperience and ignorance, I said to myself-- + +"I must leave this place at once. How I came here is a mystery, but it +is certain that I cannot remain." + +I arose from my hard couch, and approached the iron door with the +confident expectation of being able to pass out without any difficulty, +for I imagined that I had fallen into one of those cheap and wretched +lodging houses with which the city abounds. (By the way, I may hereafter +have something to say with reference to these cheap lodging-houses. Some +rich development may be made, which will rather astonish the +unsophisticated reader.) + +To my surprise, I found that the door could not be opened; and then one +of my fellow-lodgers, who had been observing my movements, exclaimed: + +"Are you going to leave us, my lad? Then leave us your card, or a lock +of your hair to remember you by." + +"Will you be kind enough to tell me what place this is?" said I. + +The man laughed loudly, as he replied-- + +"Why, don't you know? What an innocent youth you are, to be sure! How +the devil could you come here, without knowing anything about it? But I +suppose that you were drunk, which is a great pity for a boy like you. +Well, not to keep you in suspense, I must inform you that you are in the +_watch-house of the Tombs_!" + +This information appalled me. To be in confinement--to be a prisoner--to +be associated with a company of outcasts, thieves and perhaps +murderers--was to me the height of horror. I looked particularly at the +man with whom I had been conversing. He was a savage-looking individual, +with a beard like that of a pirate, and an eye that spoke of blood and +outrage. He was roughly dressed, in a garb that announced him to be a +mariner. + +In the course of a conversation that we fell into, he informed me that +he had committed a murder on the preceding evening, and that he expected +to be hung. + +"We quarrelled at cards," said he, "and he gave me the lie--whereupon I +drew my death-knife and stabbed him to the heart. He died instantly; the +police rushed in, and here I am. My neck will be stretched, but I don't +care. What matters it how a man dies? When my time comes, I shall go +forth as readily and as cheerfully as if I were going to take a drink." + +(I will here remark that I afterwards saw this man hung in the yard of +the _Tombs_. His history is in my possession, and I shall hereafter +write it.)[C] + +At nine o'clock I was taken before the magistrate, who, after severely +reprimanding me for my misconduct, discharged me from custody, with the +remark that if I were brought there again he would be obliged to commit +me to the Tombs for the term of five days. Delighted at having obtained +my liberty, I posted out of the court room and found myself in Centre +street. My debauch of the preceding night had not spoiled my appetite, +by any means; and, as I still had in my possession the sixpence alluded +to before, I resolved to produce some breakfast forthwith. Aware that my +limited finances would not admit of my obtaining a very sumptuous +repast, and fully appreciating the necessity of economy, I entered the +shop of a baker and purchased three rolls at the rate of one cent per +copy. Thus provided, I repaired to a neighboring street pump, and made a +light but wholesome breakfast. + +It was thus, reader, that your humble servant began to acquire a +knowledge of the world. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[A] The last that was heard of Robinson, he was in Texas, and it was +reported that he was married and wealthy, his right arm he had lost in +some battle, the name of which I do not remember. + +[B] I have just written a story under this title, full of fact and fun, +and containing more truth than poetry. The reader can have it by +applying to the publisher of this work. It is well worthy of perusal. + +[C] This work is now in active course of preparation. To the lovers of +exciting tales, this story will be one of particular attraction. It will +be issued by the publisher of this narrative. + + + + +CHAPTER II + +_In which I become a Printer, and am introduced into certain mysteries +of connubial life._ + + +Having breakfasted to my entire satisfaction and also to my great bodily +refreshment, I entered the Park, seated myself upon the steps of the +City Hall, and thought "what is best to be done?"--It was Monday +morning, and the weather was excellently fine. It was an excellent time +to search for employment. A sign on an old building in Chatham street +attracted my notice; upon it were inscribed the words, "Book and Job +Printing." + +"Good!" was my muttered exclamation, as I left the Park and crossed +over towards the old building in question--"I'll be a printer! Franklin +was one, and he, like myself, was fond of rolls, because he entered +Philadelphia with one under each arm. Yes, I'll be a printer." + +Entering the printing office, I found it to be a very small concern, +containing but one press and a rather limited assortment of type. The +proprietor of the office, whom I shall call Mr. Romaine, was a rather +intellectual looking man, of middle age. Being very industrious, he did +the principal portion of his work himself, occasionally, however, hiring +a journeyman when work was unusually abundant. As I entered he looked up +from his case and inquired, with an air of benevolence-- + +"Well, my lad, what can I do for _you_ this morning?" + +"If you please, sir, I want to learn to be a printer," replied I, +boldly. + +"Ah, indeed! Well, I was just thinking of taking an apprentice. But give +an account of yourself--how old are you, and who are you?" + +I frankly communicated to Mr. Romaine all that he desired to know +concerning me, and he expressed himself as being perfectly satisfied. He +immediately set me to "learning the boxes" of a case of type; and in +half an hour I had accomplished the task, which was not very difficult, +it being merely an effort of memory. + +It having been arranged that I should take up my abode in the house of +Mr. Romaine, I accompanied that gentleman home to dinner. He lived in +William street and his wife kept a fashionable boarding-house for +merchants, professional men, &c. Several of these gentlemen were married +men and had their wives with them. Mrs. Romaine, the wife of my +employer, was one of the finest-looking women I ever saw--tall, +voluptuous, and truly beautiful. She was about twenty-five years of age, +and her manners were peculiarly fascinating and agreeable. She was +always dressed in a style of great elegance, and was admirably adapted +to the station which she filled as landlady of an establishment like +that. I will remark that although she had been the wife of Mr. Romaine +for a number of years, she had not been blessed with offspring, which +was doubtless to her a source of great disappointment, to say nothing of +the _chagrin_ which a married woman naturally feels when she fails in +due time to add to the population of her country. + +Accustomed as I had been to the economical scantiness of my uncle's +table, I was both surprised and delighted with the luxurious abundance +that greeted me on sitting down to dinner at Mrs. Romaine's. I was +equally well pleased with the sprightliness, intelligence and good-humor +of the conversation in which the ladies and gentlemen engaged, and also +with their refined and courteous bearing towards each other. I +congratulated myself on having succeeded in getting not only into +business, but also into good society. + +"If my dearly-beloved relatives," thought I, "could see me now, they +might not be well pleased at my situation and prospects. Let them go to +Beelzebub! I will get on in the world, in spite of them!" + +In a few days I began to be very useful about the printing office, for I +had learned to set type and to _roll_ behind the press; I also performed +all the multifarious duties of _devil_, and was so fortunate as to +secure the good will of my employer, who generously purchased for me a +fine new suit of clothes, and seemed anxious to make me as comfortable +as possible. His wife, also, treated me very kindly; but there was +something mysterious about this lady, which for a time, puzzled me +extremely. One discovery which I made rather astonished me, young as I +was, and caused me to do a "devil of a thinking." Mr. Romaine and his +wife occupied separate sleeping apartments, and there seemed to be an +aversion between them, although they treated each other with the most +formal and scrupulous politeness. But my readers will agree with me that +mere _politeness_ is not the only sentiment which should exist between a +husband and his wife. There was evidently something "rotten in Denmark" +between Mr. and Mrs. Romaine, and I determined, if possible, to +penetrate the mystery. + +Mr. Romaine, who was professedly a pious man, was particularly in favor +of "remembering the Sabbath day to keep it holy," and he therefore +directed me to be very punctual in attendance at church and Sunday +school, and I obeyed his praiseworthy request until visions of literary +greatness and renown began to dawn upon me, whereupon, prompted by +gingerbread and ambition, and being moreover aided and abetted by +another printer's devil of tender years and literary aspirations, I, one +Sunday morning, entered the printing office, (of which I kept the key,) +and assisted by my companion, set up and worked off one hundred copies +of a diminutive periodical just six inches square, containing a _very_ +brief abstract of the news of the day, a _very_ indifferent political +leader, and a few _rather_ partial theatrical criticisms. This extensive +newspaper we issued on three successive Sundays, circulating it among +our juvenile friends at the moderate rate of one cent a copy. On the +fourth Sunday we were caught in the act of printing our journal by Mr. +Romaine himself, who, although he with difficulty refrained from +laughing at the fun of the thing, gave us a long lecture on the crime of +Sabbath-breaking, and then made us distribute the type, forgetting that +we were breaking the Sabbath as much by taking our form to pieces as by +putting it together. + +Mr. Romaine was also strongly opposed to theatres, but, nevertheless, I +visited the "little Frankin" four or five times every week, to see John +and Bill Sefton in the "Golden Farmer," and other thrilling melo-dramas, +a convenient ally, a garden and a shed enabled me to enter my chamber at +any hour during the night, without my employer's becoming aware of my +absence from home. + +One night after having been to my favorite place of amusement, I +returned home about midnight. On entering the garden, I discovered to my +surprise a light streaming from the kitchen windows--a very unusual +occurrence. I crept softly up to one of the windows, and looking into +the kitchen, a scene met my gaze that filled me with astonishment. + +Mrs. Romaine, arrayed in her night-dress only, was seated at a table, +and at her side was a young gentleman named Anderson, who boarded in the +house, and who was a prosperous merchant. His arm was around the lady's +waist, and her head rested affectionately upon his shoulder. She looked +uncommonly beautiful and voluptuous that night, I thought, young as I +was, I wondered not at the look of passionate admiration with which +Anderson regarded his fair companion, upon whose sensual countenance +there rested an expression of gratified love. Upon the table were the +remains of a supper of which they had evidently partaken; there were +also a bottle of wine and two glasses, partially filled. Mrs. Romaine +sipped her wine occasionally, as well as her paramour; and the guilty +pair seemed to be enjoying themselves highly. It was plain that the lady +was resolved to lose nothing by her estrangement from her husband; it +was equally plain that between her and Mr. Romaine there existed not the +smallest particle of love. I now ceased to wonder why the wedded pair +occupied separate apartments; and I came to the conclusion that +disappointment in the matter of children was the cause of their mutual +aversion. If I were writing a romance instead of a narrative of facts, I +would here introduce an imaginary tender conversation between the pair. +But as no such conversation took place I have none to describe. + +"Well," said I to myself--"this is a pretty state of affairs, truly. I +guess that if Mr. Romaine suspected any thing of this kind, there would +be the very devil to pay, and no mistake. But it's no business of mine; +and so I'll climb into my window and go to bed." + +My employer was a very good sort of a man, and I sincerely pitied him on +account of his unhappy connubial situation. I turned away from the +kitchen window, and began to mount the shed in order to reach my +chamber. I had nearly gained the roof of the shed, when a board gave way +and I was precipitated to the ground, a distance of about ten feet. +Fortunately I sustained no injury; but the noise aroused and alarmed the +loving couple in the kitchen. Mrs. Romaine, in her terror and dread of +discovery, gave utterance to a slight scream; while Mr. Anderson rushed +forth and seized me in a rather powerful grasp. I struggled, and kicked, +and strove to extricate myself, but it was all of no use. With many a +muttered imprecation Anderson dragged me into the kitchen, and swore +that if I did not remain quiet he would stab me to the heart with a +dirk-knife that he produced from his pocket. + +"You young rascal," said he "who employed you to play the part of a spy? +Did Mr. Romaine direct you to watch us? Is he lurking outside, in the +garden? If so, let him beware, for I am a desperate man, one not to be +trifled with!" + +I explained everything to the entire satisfaction of both the gentleman +and lady, whose countenances brightened when they found that matters +were far from being as bad as they expected. + +"Now, my boy," said Anderson, "just do keep perfectly dark about this +business, and I'll make your fortune. You shall never want a dollar +while I live. As an earnest of what I may hereafter do for you, accept +this trifle, which will enable you to gratify your theatre-going +propensities to your heart's content." + +The "trifle" was a ten dollar gold piece. I had never before possessed +so much money; and no millionaire ever felt richer than I did at that +moment. Delightful visions of dramatic treats arose before me, and I was +happy. + +Mr. Anderson made me drink a couple of glasses of wine, which tasted +very good, and caused me to feel quite elevated. Then he told me that I +had better go to bed, and I fully agreed with him. So, bidding the +enamoured couple a patronizing good night and facetiously wishing them a +pleasant time together--the wine had made me bold and saucy--I left the +kitchen and began to ascend the stairs towards my own room with all the +silence and caution of which I was capable. + +I was destined that night to make another astonishing discovery. Being +quite tipsy, I was deprived of my usual judgement, and suffered myself +to stumble against a table that stood upon one of the landings opposite +the chamber door of a young and particularly pretty widow named Mrs. +Raymond, who boarded in the house. She possessed a snug independent +fortune, and led a life of elegant leisure. Although demure in her looks +and reverend in her deportment, there was a whole troop of dancing +devils in her eyes that proclaimed the fact that her nature was not +exactly as cold as ice. + +My collision with the table caused me to recoil, and I fell violently +against Mrs. Raymond's door, which burst open, and down I landed in the +very centre of the apartment. + +I heard a scream, and then a curse. The scream was the performance of +the fair widow; the curse was the production of Mr. Romaine, my pious, +Sabbath-venerating and theatre-opposing employer, who, springing up from +the sofa upon which he had been seated by the side of the widow, seized +me by the throat and demanded how the devil I came there? + +My wits had not entirely deserted me, and I managed to tell quite a +plausible story. I candidly confessed that I had been to the theatre and +stated that I had got into the house through the kitchen window. Of +course I said nothing about Anderson and Mrs. Romaine. + +"You have been drinking," said Mr. Romaine, in a tone that was by no +means severe, "but I forgive you for that, and also for having disobeyed +me by going to the theatre. Be a good boy in future, and you shall never +want a friend while I live." + +While he was speaking, I looked about the room. It was exquisitely +furnished with the most refined and elegant taste. Mrs. Raymond, who +still sat upon the sofa, blushed deeply as her eyes encountered mine. +She was _en deshabille_, and looked charming. I could not help admiring +the divine perfections of her form, as _revealed_ by the deliciously +careless attire which she wore. I did not wonder that my respected +presence confused her, for she had always held herself up as the very +pink and pattern of female propriety, and besides, she often lectured me +severely upon the enormity of some of my juvenile offences, which came +to her knowledge. + +Mr. Romaine continued to address me, thus: + +"If you will solemnly promise to say nothing about having seen me in +this room, I will reward you handsomely." + +I readily gave the required promise, whereupon my pious employer +presented me with a five-dollar bill, which I received with all the +nonchalance in the world. I then withdrew, and reached my own room +without encountering any more adventures. Sleep did not visit me that +night, for my thoughts were too busily engaged with the discoveries +which I had made; and besides, the blissful consciousness of being the +possessor of the princely sum of fifteen dollars, would have kept me +awake, independent of anything else. + +A day or two after these occurrences, while looking over one of the +morning newspapers, I saw an advertisement signed by my uncle, in which +that worthy man offered a reward for my apprehension. The notice +contained a minute description of my personal appearance and the clothes +which I had on when I "ran away." Although my garments had been +entirely changed, I was fearful that some one might recognize my person, +and carry me back to my uncle's house, where I had every reason to +expect far worse treatment than I had ever received before. But Mr. +Romaine, to whom I showed the advertisement, told me not to be at all +alarmed, as he would protect me at any risk. This assurance made me feel +much easier. I was never molested in consequence of that advertisement. + +After the night on which I had detected the intrigue of my employer and +his wife, I began to live emphatically "in clover," and accumulated +money tolerably fast. All the parties concerned treated me with the +utmost consideration and respect. Mr. Romaine suffered me to do pretty +much as I pleased in the printing office, and so I enjoyed a very +agreeable and leisurely time of it, doing as much Sunday printing on my +own account as I desired, and going to the theatre as often as I wished. +Mr. Anderson would occasionally slip a five dollar note into my hand, at +the same time enjoining me to "keep mum;" Mrs. Romaine, with her own +fair hands, made me a dozen superb shirts, supplied me with +handkerchiefs, stockings and fancy cravats innumerable, and so arranged +it that when I returned from the theatre at night, a nice little supper +awaited me in the kitchen. These repasts she would sometimes share with +me, for, like a sensible woman, she was fond of all the good things of +this life, including good eating and drinking. Anderson would join us +occasionally, and a snug, cosy little party we made. Mrs. Raymond, the +pretty widow, was not backward in testifying to me how grateful she was +for my silence with reference to her frailty. She made me frequent +presents of money, and gave me an elegant and valuable ring, which I +wore until the "intervention of unfortunate circumstance" compelled me +to consign it to the custody of "my uncle"--not my beloved relative of +Thomas street, (peace to his memory, for he has gone the way of all +pork,)--but that accommodating uncle of mine and everybody else, Mr. +Simpson, who dwelleth in the _Rue de Chatham_, and whose mansion is +decorated with three gilded balls. Kind, convenient Uncle Simpson! + +Ah! those were my halcyon days, when not a single care cast its shadow +o'er my soul. As I think of that season of unalloyed happiness, I +involuntarily exclaim, in the words of a fine popular song-- + +"I would I were a boy again!" + +Three years passed away, unmarked by the occurrence of any event of +sufficient importance to merit a place in this narrative. When I reached +my fifteenth year, the fashionable boarding-house of Mrs. Romaine became +the scene of a tragedy so bloody, so awful and so appalling, that even +now, while I think and write about it, my blood runs cold in my veins. +That terrible affair can no more be obliterated from my memory than can +the sun be effaced from the arch of heaven; and to my dying day, its +recollection will continue to haunt me like a hideous spectre. + +But I must devote a separate chapter to the details of that sanguinary +event. I would gladly escape from the task of describing it; but, of +course, were I to omit it, this narrative would be incomplete. Therefore +the unwelcome duty must be performed. + + + + +CHAPTER III + +_In which is enacted a bloody tragedy._ + + +I began to observe with considerable uneasiness, that Mr. Romaine +stealthily regarded his wife with looks of intense hatred and malignant +ferocity; then he would transfer his gaze from her to Mr. Anderson, who +was altogether unconscious of the scrutiny. My employer was usually a +very quiet man, but I knew that his passions were very violent, and +that, when once thoroughly aroused, he was capable of perpetrating +almost any act of savage vengeance. I began to fear that he suspected +the intimacy which existed between his adulterous wife and her paramour. +By the way it may be as well to remark that I had never told either +Anderson or Mrs. Romaine of the intrigue between Mr. Romaine and the +widow, Mrs. Raymond; and it is scarcely necessary to observe that I was +equally discreet in withholding from my employer and his "ladye love" +all knowledge of the state of affairs between the other parties. + +I communicated my fears to Mr. Anderson, but he laughed at them saying-- + +"Nonsense, my dear boy--why should Romaine suspect anything of the kind? +I and Harriet (Mrs. Romaine) have always been very discreet and careful. +Our intimacy began three or four years ago; and as it has lasted that +length of time without discovery, it is scarcely likely to be detected +_now_. You are quite sure that you have given Romaine no hint of the +affair?" + +"Do you think me capable of such base treachery?" I demanded, with an +offended air. + +"Forgive me," said Anderson, "I did wrong to doubt you. Believe me, your +fears are groundless; however, I thank you for the caution, and shall +hereafter exercise additional care, so as to prevent the possibility of +discovery. Here is a ticket for the opera to-night; when you return, +which will be about midnight, come to Harriet's room, and we three will +sup like two kings and a queen." + +Having dressed myself with unusual care, I went to the opera. While +listening to the divine strains of a celebrated _prima donna_, my +attention was attracted by a group occupying one of the most conspicuous +boxes. This group consisted of a youth apparently about my own age, and +two showy looking females whose dresses were cut so low as to reveal +much more of their busts than decency could sanction, even among an +opera audience. There could be no doubt as to the character of these two +women. I examined their youthful cavalier with attention; and soon +recognized my _quondum_ friend and pitcher--JACK SLACK. Jack was +magnificently dressed, and his appearance was truly superb. The most +fastidious Parisian exquisite--even the great Count D'Orsay himself +might have envied him the arrangement of his hair, the tie of his +cravat, the spotlessness of his white kids. He flourished a glittering, +jeweled _lorgnette_, and the way the fellow put on "French airs" must +have been a caution to the proudest scion of aristocracy in the house. + +After a little while Jack saw me; and, having taken a good long stare at +me through his opera-glass, he beckoned me to come to him, at the same +time pointing significantly at one of his "lady" companions, as if to +intimate that she was entirely at my disposal. But I shook my head, and +did not stir, for I had no desire to resume my acquaintance with that +fascinating but mysterious youth. Perhaps I entertained a presentiment +that he was destined to become, to both of us, the cause of a great +misfortune. + +Jack looked angry and disappointed, at my refusal to accept of his +hospitable invitation. He directed the attention of his women towards +me, and I saw that they were attempting to titter and sneer at my +expense;--but the effort was a total failure, for there was not a +better-dressed person in the house than I was. Having honored the +envious party with a smile of scorn,--which, I flattered myself, was +perfectly successful,--I turned towards the stage, and did not indulge +in another look at Jack or his friends during the remainder of the +opera. I am convinced that from that hour, Jack Slack became my mortal +foe. + +At the conclusion of the performances, I left the house and saw Jack +getting into a carriage with the two courtezans. He observed me, and +uttered a decisive shout, to which I paid no attention, but hurried +home, anxious to make one of the little party in the apartment of Mrs. +Romaine, and quite ready to partake of the delicacies which, I knew, +would be provided. + +On my arrival home, I immediately repaired to Mrs. Romaine's private +room, where I found that good lady in company with Mr. Anderson. We +three sat down to supper in the highest possible spirits. Alas! how +little did we anticipate the terrible catastrophe that was so soon to +follow! + +The more substantial portion of the banquet having been disposed of, the +sparkling wine-cup was circulated freely, and we became very gay and +jovial. Unrestrained by my presence, and exhilarated by the rosy +beverage of jolly Bacchus, the lovers indulged in many little acts of +tender dalliance. Always making it a point to mind my own business, I +applied myself diligently to the bottle, for the wine was excellent and +the sardines had made me thirsty. I had just lighted a cigar, and was +resigning myself to the luxurious and deliciously soothing influence of +the weed, when the door was thrown violently open, and Mr. Romaine +rushed into the room. + +His appearance was frightful! his face was dreadfully pale, and his eyes +glared with the combined fires of jealousy and rage. Intense excitement +caused him to quiver in every limb. In one hand he grasped a pistol, and +in the other a bowie knife of the largest and most formidable kind. + +It was but too evident that my fears had been well founded, and that Mr. +Romaine had discovered the intimacy between Anderson and his wife. + +The reader will agree with me that the "injured husband" was equally +culpable on account of his intrigue with the young and handsome widow, +Mrs. Raymond.--How prone are many people to lose sight of their own +imperfections while they censure and severely punish the failings of +those who are not a whit more guilty than themselves! The swinish +glutton condemns the drunkard--the villainous seducer reproves the +frequenter of brothels--the arch hypocrite takes to task the open, +undisguised sinner--and the rich, miserly old reprobate, whose wealth +places him above the possibility of ever coming to want, who would +sooner "hang the guiltless than eat his mutton cold," and who would not +bestow a cent upon a poor devil to keep him from starving--that old +rascal, perhaps, in his capacity as a magistrate, sentences to jail an +unfortunate man whom hunger has driven into the "crime" of stealing a +loaf of bread! Bah! ladies and gentlemen, take the _beams_ out of your +own eyes before you allude to the _motes_ in the optics of your fellow +beings. That's _my_ advice, free of charge. + +On seeing her husband enter in that furious and threatening manner, Mrs. +Romaine, overcome with fear and shame--for she well knew that her guilt +had been detected--fell to the floor insensible. Anderson, confused and +not knowing what to say, sat motionless as a statue;--while I awaited, +with almost trembling anxiety, the issue of this most extraordinary +state of affairs. + +Romaine was the first to break the silence, and he spoke in a tone of +voice that was singularly calm considering his physical agitation. + +"Well, sir," said he, addressing Anderson--"you are enjoying yourself +finely--drinking my wine, devouring my provisions, and making love to my +wife in her own bed-chamber. Anderson, for some time past I have +suspected you and Harriet of being guilty of criminal intimacy. I have +noticed your secret signs, and have read and interpreted the language of +your eyes, whenever you and she have exchanged glances in my presence. +You both took me to be a weak fool, too blind and imbecile to detect +your adulterous intercourse; but I have now come to convince you that I +am a man capable of avenging his ruined conjugal honor!" + +Anderson, recovering some degree of his usual self-possession, remarked, + +"Your accusation, sir, is unjust. Your wife and myself are friends, and +nothing more. She invited me to sup with her here to-night and that is +all about it. If our intentions were criminal, would we have courted the +presence of a third party?" + +With these words, Anderson pointed towards me, but Romaine, without +observing me at all, continued to address the paramour of his wife. + +"Anderson, you are a liar, and the falsehoods which you have uttered, +only serve to increase your guilt, and confirm me in my resolution to +sacrifice both you and that guilty woman who lies yonder. Can I +disbelieve the evidence of my own eyes? Must I go into particulars, and +say that last night, at about this hour, in the kitchen--ha! you turn +pale--you tremble--your guilt is confessed. I would have killed you last +night, Anderson, but I had not the weapons. This knife and pistol I +purchased to-day, _and I shall use them_! + +"Try and revive that _harlot_, for I would speak with her ere she dies!" + +Anderson mechanically obeyed. Placing the insensible form of Mrs. +Romaine upon a sofa, he sprinkled water upon her face, and she was soon +restored to a state of consciousness. For a few moments she gazed about +her wildly; and then, when her eyes settled upon her husband, and she +saw the terrible weapons with which he was armed, she covered her face +with her hands and trembled in an agony of terror, for she knew that her +life was in the greatest possible danger. + +Romaine now addressed his wife in a tone of calmness which was, under +the circumstances, far more terrible than the most violent outburst of +passion: + +"Harriet," said he--"I now fully comprehend your reasons for requesting +to be allowed to occupy a separate apartment. You desired an opportunity +to gratify your licentious propensities without any restraint. Woman, +why have you used me thus? Have I deserved this infamous treatment? Have +I ever used you unkindly, or spoken a harsh word to you? Do you think +that I will tamely wear the horns which you and your paramour have +planted upon my brow? Do you think that I will suffer myself to be made +an object of scorn, and allow myself to be pointed at and ridiculed by a +sneering community?" + +"Forgive me," murmured the unhappy wife--"I will not offend again. I +acknowledge that I have committed a grievous sin; but Heaven only knows +how sincerely I repent of it!" + +"Your repentance comes too late," said Romaine, hoarsely--"Heaven may +forgive you, but _I_ shall not! You say that you will not offend again. +Having forever destroyed my happiness, my peace of mind, and my honor, +_you will not offend again_! You shall not have the opportunity, +wretched woman. You shall no longer survive your infamy. You and the +partner of your guilt must die!" + +With these words, Romaine cocked his pistol and approached his wife, +saying, in a low, savage tone that evinced the desperate purpose of his +heart-- + +"Take your choice, madam; do you prefer to die by _lead_ or by _steel_?" + +The miserable woman threw herself upon her knees, exclaiming-- + +"Mercy, husband--mercy! Do not kill me, for I am not prepared to die!" + +"You call me husband _now_--you, who have so long refused to receive me +as a husband. Come--I am impatient to shed your blood, and that of your +paramour. Breathe a short prayer to Heaven, for mercy and forgiveness, +and then resign your body to death and your soul to eternity!" + +So saying the desperate and half-crazy man raised on high the glittering +knife. Poor Mrs. Romaine uttered a shriek, and, before she could repeat +it, the knife descended with the swiftness of lightning, and penetrated +her heart. Her blood spouted all over her white dress, and she sank down +at the murderer's feet, a lifeless corpse! + +Paralyzed with horror, I could neither move nor speak. Anderson also +stood motionless, like a bird which is subjected to the fascinating gaze +of a serpent. Notwithstanding the terrible danger in which he was +placed, he seemed to be rooted to the spot and incapable of making a +single effort to save himself by either resistance or flight. + +The scene was most extraordinary, thrilling and awful. The luxurious +chamber--the failing lamp--the murderer, holding in his hand the bloody +knife--the doomed Anderson, whose soul was quivering on the brink of the +dread abyss of eternity; all these combined to form a spectacle of the +most strange and appalling character. + +Romaine now raised his pistol and took deliberate aim at Anderson, +saying, + +"My work is but half done; it is _your_ turn now! Are you ready?" + +"Do not shoot me like a dog," implored the unfortunate young man, who, +to do him justice, possessed a considerable amount of courage--"give me, +at least, _some_ chance for my life. If I have wronged you, and I +candidly confess that I have, I am ready to give you the satisfaction of +a gentleman. Give me a pistol, place me upon an equal footing with +yourself, and we will settle the matter as becomes men of honor. This +boy, here, will be a witness of the affair." + +To this proposition, Romaine scornfully replied, + +"I admire your assurance, sir.--After seducing the wife, you want a +chance to shoot the husband. Well, as I am an accommodating man, it +shall be as you say, for I am sick of life and care not if I am killed. +But I have no other pistol. Stay!--suppose we _toss up_ a coin, and thus +decide which of us shall have this weapon, with the privilege of using +it. Here is a quarter of a dollar; I will throw it up in the air, and +when it falls upon the floor, if the _head_ is uppermost, the pistol is +_mine_; but if the _tail_ is uppermost, the pistol shall be _yours_. I +warn you that if I win, I shall show you no mercy; and, if you win, I +shall expect none from you. Do you agree to this?" + +"I do," replied Anderson, firmly, "and I thank you for your fairness." + +Romaine threw up the coin, which spun around in the air and landed upon +the carpet. How strange that it should have become the province of that +insignificant coin to decide which of those two men must die! + +Romaine calmly took the dim lamp from the table, and knelt down upon the +carpet in a pool of his wife's blood. + +"Watch me closely, and see that I do not touch the coin," said he, as he +bent eagerly over the life-deciding quarter of a dollar. + +How my heart beat at that moment, and what must have been the sensation +of poor Anderson! + +"_The head is uppermost, and I have won!_" said Romaine, in a hoarse +whisper--"come and see for yourself." + +"I am satisfied, your word is sufficient," said Anderson, with a +shudder, as he folded his arms across his breast and seemed to abandon +himself to profound despair. + +Romaine's pale face assumed an expression of savage delight, as he +raised the pistol and pointed it at the head of his intended victim, +saying-- + +"Then, sir, nothing remains but for me to avail myself of the favor +which fortune has conferred upon me. Young man, in five seconds I shall +fire!" + +"Hold!" cried Anderson, "I have a favor to ask, which I am sure you will +not refuse to grant me. Before I die, let me write a couple of letters, +and make a few notes of the manner in which I wish my property to be +disposed of. It is the last request of a dying man." + +"It is granted," said Romaine, "there, upon that _escritoire_, are +writing materials. But make haste, for I am impatient to finish this +disagreeable business." + +Anderson sat down, and began to write rapidly. I longed to rush out and +give the alarm, so that the impending tragedy might be averted; but I +feared that any movement on my part might result in the passage of a +bullet through my brain, and therefore I remained quiet, for which I am +sure, no sensible reader will blame me. + +Poor Anderson! tears gushed from his eyes and streamed down his cheeks +while he was writing one of the letters, which, as I afterwards +ascertained, was addressed to a young lady to whom he was engaged to be +married. He wrote two letters, folded, sealed and directed them; these +he handed to me, saying-- + +"Have the kindness to deliver these letters to the persons to whom they +are addressed. Will you faithfully promise to do this?" + +I promised, of course; he shook hands with me, and bade me farewell; +then, calmly turning towards Romaine, he announced his readiness to die. +Up to that moment, I had tried to persuade myself that Anderson's life +would be spared, thinking that Romaine must have had enough of blood +after slaying his wife in that barbarous manner. But I was doomed to be +terribly disappointed. Scarcely had Anderson muttered the words, "I am +ready to die," when Romaine pulled the trigger of the upraised pistol, +and the young merchant fell dead upon the floor, the bullet having +penetrated his brain. + +"Now I am satisfied, for I have had my revenge," said the murderer, +coolly, as he wiped the perspiration from his pallid brow. + +"Blood-thirsty villain!" exclaimed I, unable longer to restrain my +indignation--"you will swing upon the gallows for this night's work!" + +"Not so," rejoined Romaine, calmly, "for I do not intend to survive this +wholesale butchery, and did not, from the first. I was determined that +Anderson should die, at all events. _He won the pistol_, for the coin +fell with the tail uppermost. Had he stooped to examine it, I would have +blown out his brains, just the same. But hark! the boarders and inmates +of the house have been aroused by the report of the pistol, and they are +hastening here. The gallows--no, no, I must avoid _that_! They shall not +take me alive. Now, may heaven have mercy upon my guilty soul!" + +With these words the unhappy man seized the Bowie knife and plunged it +into his heart, thus adding the crime of suicide to the two atrocious +murders which he had just committed. + +Scarcely had this crowning point of the fearful tragedy been enacted, +when a crowd of people, half-dressed and excited, rushed into the room. +Among them was the beautiful widow, Mrs. Raymond. On seeing the bleeding +corpse of Romaine stretched upon the floor, she gave utterance to a +piercing scream and fell down insensible. + +In the horror and confusion that prevailed, I was unnoticed. I +determined to leave the house, never to return, for I dreaded being +brought before the public, as a witness, being a great hater of +notoriety in any shape. (The reader may smile at this last remark; but I +assure him, or her, that my frequent appearance before the public as a +writer, has been the result of necessity--not of inclination.) + +Accordingly, I left the house unobserved, and took lodgings for the +remainder of the night at a hotel. But sleep visited me not, for my mind +was too deeply engrossed with the bloody scenes which I had witnessed, +to suffer the approach of "tired nature's sweet restorer." In the +morning I arose early, and investigated the condition of my finances. +The result of this examination was highly satisfactory, for I found that +I was the possessor of a considerable sum of money. + +I walked about the city until noon, uncertain how to act. I felt a +strong disposition to travel, and see the world;--but I could not make +up my mind in what direction to go. After a sumptuous dinner at Sandy +Welch's "Terrapin Lunch,"--one of the most famous _restaurants_ of the +day--I indulged in a contemplative walk up Broadway. Such thoughts as +these ran through my mind:--"I cannot help contrasting my present +situation with the position I was in, three years ago. Then I was almost +penniless, and gladly breakfasted on dry bread at a street pump; now I +have three hundred dollars in my pocket, and have just dined like an +epicurean prince. Then I was clad in garments that were coarse and +cheap; now I am dressed in the finest raiment that money could procure. +Then I had no trade; now I have a profession which will be to me an +unfailing means of support. But, alas! then I was comparatively +innocent, and ignorant of the wicked ways of the world; now, although +only fifteen years of age, I am too thoroughly posted up on all the +mysteries of city follies and vices. No matter: there's nothing like +experience, after all." + +Comforting myself with this philosophical reflection, I strolled on. A +newsboy came along, bawling out, at the top of his voice--"Here's the +extra _Sun_, with a full account of the two murders and suicide in +William street last night--only one cent!" Of course I purchased a copy; +and, upon perusing the account, I could not help smiling at the +ludicrous and absurd exaggerations which it contained. It was a perfect +modern tragedy of _Othello_, with Romaine as the Moor, Mrs. Romaine as +Desdemona, and Anderson as a sort of cross between Iago and Michael +Cassio. I was not alluded to in any way whatever, which caused me to +rejoice exceedingly.[D] + +Suddenly remembering the two letters which had been confided to my care +by the unfortunate Anderson, I resolved to deliver them immediately. One +was directed to a Mr. Sargent, in Pine street. I soon found the place, +which was a large mercantile establishment. Over the door was the sign +"_Anderson & Sargent_." This had been poor Anderson's place of business, +and Sargent had been his partner. I entered, found Mr. Sargent in the +counting-room, and delivered to him the letter. He opened it, read it +through coolly, shrugged his shoulders, and said-- + +"I have already been made acquainted with the full particulars of this +melancholy affair. Anderson was a clever fellow, and I'm sorry he's +gone, although his death will certainly promote my interests. He gives +me, in this letter, every necessary instruction as to the disposition of +his property, and he also directs me to present you with the sum of two +hundred dollars, both as an acknowledgement of your services and as a +token of his friendship. I will fill out a check for the amount +immediately." + +This instance of Anderson's kindness and generosity, almost at the very +moment of his death, deeply affected me; and, at the same time, I could +not help feeling disgusted with the heartlessness displayed by Sargent, +who regarded the tragical death of his partner merely as an event +calculated to advance his own interests. + +Having received the check, I withdrew from the august presence of Mr. +Sargent, who was a tall, thin, hook-nosed personage, of unwholesome +aspect and abrupt manners. I drew the money at the bank, and then +hastened to deliver the other letter, which was addressed to Miss Grace +Arlington, whose residence was designated as being situated in one of +the fashionable squares up-town. I had no difficulty in finding the +house, which was of the most elegant and aristocratic appearance. My +appeal to the doorbell was responded to by a smart-looking female +domestic, who, on learning my errand, ushered me into the presence of +her mistress. Miss Grace Arlington was a very lovely and delicate young +lady, whose soft eyes beamed with tenderness and sensibility, whose +voice was as sweet as the music of an angel's harp, while her step was +as light as the tread of a fairy whose tiny feet will not crush the +leaves of a rose. When I handed her the letter, and she recognized the +well known handwriting, she bestowed upon me a winning and grateful +smile which I shall never forget. My heart misgave me as she opened the +missive, for I could well divine its contents; and I almost reproached +myself for being the messenger of such evil tidings. I watched her +closely as she read. She was naturally somewhat pale, but I saw her face +grow ghastly white before she had read two lines. When she had finished +the perusal of the fatal letter, she pressed her hand upon her breast, +murmured "Oh God!" and would have fallen to the floor if I had not +caught her in my arms. + +"Curses on my stupidity!" I muttered, as I placed her insensible form +upon a sofa--"I ought to have prepared her gradually for the terrible +announcement which I knew that letter to contain!" + +I rang the bell furiously, and the almost deafening summons was answered +by half-a-dozen female servants, who, on seeing the condition of their +young Mistress, set up a loud chorus of screams. The uproar brought Mr. +Arlington, the father of the young lady, to the scene. He was a +fine-looking old gentleman, a retired merchant and a _millionaire_. I +hastened to explain to him all that had occurred, and Anderson's letter, +which lay upon the floor, confirmed my statements. Mr. Arlington was +horror-struck, for he, as well as his daughter, had until that moment +been in happy ignorance of the bloody affair. The old gentleman had +first established Anderson in business, and he had always cherished for +that unfortunate young man the warmest friendship. No wonder, then, that +he was overpowered when he became aware of the tragical end of him whom +he had expected so shortly to become his son-in-law. + +A celebrated physician, who resided next door, was sent for. He happened +to be at home, and arrived almost instantly. He knelt down beside the +broken-hearted girl, and, as his fingers touched her wrist, a look of +profound grief settled upon his benevolent face. + +"Well, Doctor," exclaimed Mr. Arlington, breathlessly, "what is the +matter with my child? She will recover soon, will she not? It is merely +a fainting fit produced by the reception of unwelcome news." + +"Alas, sir!" replied the Doctor, in a tone of deep sympathy, as he +brushed away the tears from his eyes--"I may as well tell you the +melancholy truth at once. The sudden shock caused by the unwelcome news +you speak of, has proved fatal; your daughter is dead!" + +Poor old Arlington staggered to a seat, covered his face with his hands, +and moaned in the agony of his spirits. Notwithstanding all his wealth, +how I pitied him! + +Seeing that I could be of no service whatever, I left the house of +mourning and walked down town in a very thoughtful mood. I had already +begun to enter upon an experience such as few youths of fifteen are ever +called upon to encounter; and I wondered what the dim, uncertain Future +had in store for me. + +However, as the reader will see in the next chapter, I did not long +suffer my mind to be intruded upon by melancholy reflections. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[D] Many of my New York readers will remember the "William Street +Tragedy," to which I have alluded. The bloody event created the most +intense excitement at the time of its occurrence. Having witnessed the +horrible affair, I have truly related all the facts concerning it. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +_In which I set forth upon my travels, and met with a great misfortune._ + + +Having plenty of means at my disposal, I determined to enjoy myself to +the full extent of my physical and intellectual capacity, for I +remembered the graceful words of the charming poet who sung-- + + "Go it while you're young: + For, when you get old, you can't!" + +Behold me, at the age of fifteen, fairly launched upon all the +dissipations of a corrupt and licentious city! It is not without a +feeling of shame that I make these confessions; but truth compels me to +do so. I soon became thoroughly initiated into all the mysteries of high +and low life in New York. In my daily and nightly peregrinations I +frequently encountered my old friend Jack Slack; we never spoke, but on +the contrary regarded each other with looks of enmity and defiance. +Stronger and stronger within me grew the presentiment that this +mysterious youth was destined to become my evil genius and the cause of +a great misfortune. Therefore, whenever I met him, I could not help +shuddering with dread. + +Three years passed away in this manner, and I had reached the age of +eighteen, with an unimpaired constitution and a firm belief that I was +destined to exist for ever. I had lived luxuriously upon the earnings of +my pen, for I was a regular contributor to the Knickerbroker Magazine +and other popular periodicals. Having accumulated considerable money, +notwithstanding my extravagance, I resolved to take a Southern tour, +visiting Philadelphia, Washington, and other cities of note. +Accordingly, one fine day, I found myself established in comfortable +quarters, at the most fashionable hotel in the "city of brotherly love." +I became a regular frequenter of the theatres and other places of +amusement, and formed the acquaintance of many actors and literary +people. It was here that I had the honor of being introduced to Booth, +the great tragedian, now dead; to "Ned Forrest," the American favorite; +to "Uncle" J.R. Scott, as fine a man as ever drank a noggin of ale or +ate a "dozen raw," and to Major Richardson, the author of "Wacousta," +and the "Monk Knight of St. John," the latter being one of the most +voluptuous works ever written. Poor Major! his was a melancholy end. He +was formerly a Major in the British army, and was a gentleman by birth, +education and principle. Possessing a fine person, a generous heart and +the most winning manners, he was a general favorite with his associates. +He became the victim of rapacious publishers, and grew poor. Too proud +to accept of assistance from his friends, he retired to obscure lodgings +and there endeavored to support himself by the productions of his pen. +But his spirit was broken and his intellect crushed by the base +ingratitude of those who should have been his warmest friends. Often +have I visited him in his garret--for he actually occupied one; and, +with a bottle of whiskey before us, we have condemned the world as being +full of selfishness, ingratitude and villainy. Winter came on, and the +Major had no fuel, nor the means of procuring any. I have repeatedly +called upon him and found him sitting in the intensely cold atmosphere +of his miserable apartment, wrapped in a blanket and busily engaged in +writing with a hand that was blue and trembled with the cold. He firmly +refused to receive aid, in any shape, from his friends; and they were +obliged to witness his gradual decay with sad hearts. The gallant Major +always persisted in denying that he needed anything; he swore his garret +was the most comfortable place in the world, and that the introduction +of a fire would have been preposterous; he always affirmed with a round +military oath, that he "lived like a fighting-cock," and was never +without his bottle of wine at dinner; yet I once came upon him rather +unexpectedly, and found him dining upon a crust of bread and a red +herring. Sometimes, but rarely, he appeared at the theatres, and, upon +such occasions, he was always scrupulously well-dressed, for Major +Richardson would never appear abroad otherwise than as a gentleman. +Want, privation and disappointment finally conquered him; he grew thin, +and haggard, and melancholy, and reserved, and discouraged the visits of +his friends who used to love to assemble at his humble lodgings and +avail themselves of his splendid conversational powers, or listen to his +personal reminiscences and racy anecdotes of military life. One morning +he was found dead in his bed; and his death caused the most profound +grief in the breasts of all who knew him as he deserved to be known, and +who respected him for his many excellent qualities of head and heart. +His remains received a handsome and appropriate burial; and many a tear +was shed o'er the grave of him who had been a gallant soldier and a +celebrated author, but a truly wronged and most unfortunate man. + +The reader will, I am sure, pardon this digression, for I was anxious to +do justice to the memory of a much-valued friend and literary brother. I +now resume the direct course of my narrative, and come to the darkest +portion of my career. + +One night, in a billiard room, I had a very unpleasant encounter with an +old acquaintance. I observed, at one of the tables, a young man whose +countenance seemed strangely familiar to me, although I did not +immediately recognize him. He was dressed in the extreme of fashion, and +his upper lip was darkened by an incipient moustache--the result, +doubtless, of many months of industrious cultivation. A cigar was in his +mouth, and a billiard-cue was in his hand; and he profusely adorned his +conversation with the most extravagant oaths. Altogether, he seemed to +be a very "fast" young man; and I puzzled my brain in endeavoring to +remember where I had met him before. + +Suddenly, he raised his eyes, and their gaze encountered mine; then I +wondered that I had not before recognized "my old friend," Jack Slack! + +"This fellow is my evil genius; he follows me everywhere," thought I, +turning to leave the saloon. Would to heaven that I had never entered +it! But regrets are useless now. + +Jack stepped after me, and detained me. I instantly saw that trouble was +about to come. + +"Greenhorn," said Jack, with an air of angry reproach, as he laid his +hand upon my shoulder--"why do you so continually avoid me? What in the +devil's name have I ever done to deserve this treatment? Have I ever +injured you in any way? Damn it, we are equal in age, and in +disposition--let us be friends. I can put you in a way, in this city, to +enjoy the tallest kind of sport. Give me your hand, and let's go up to +the bar and take a social drink." + +"Jack," said I, seriously and very calmly--"I will shake hands with you +in friendship, but I candidly confess that I do not like you; and I +believe that it will be better for us both not to associate together at +all. Observe me!--I have no hard feelings against you;--you are a clever +fellow, and generous to a fault; but something whispers to me that we +must not be companions, and I therefore respectfully desire you not to +speak to me again. Good night."[E] + +I turned to go, but Jack placed himself directly in my path, and said, +in a voice that was hoarse with passion-- + +"Stay and hear me. We must not part in this way. Do you think that I +will tamely submit to be _cut_ in a manner so disgraceful? Do you think +that I am going to remain the object of an unfounded and ridiculous +prejudice? Explain yourself, and apologize, or by G----, it will be the +worse for you!" + +"Explain myself--apologize!" I scornfully repeated--"you are a fool, and +don't know to whom you are talking. Let me go." + +"No!" passionately screamed my enraged antagonist, who was somewhat +intoxicated--"you must stay and hear me out. I may as well throw off the +mask at once. Know, then, that I hate you like hell-fire, and that, the +very first time I saw you, I resolved to make you as bad as myself. +Therefore did I induce you to drink, and visit disreputable places. The +cool contempt with which you have always treated me, had increased my +hatred ten-fold. I thirst for vengeance, and _I'll fix you yet_!" + +"Do your worst," said I, contemptuously; and again did I essay to take +my departure. Meanwhile, during the quarrel, the frequents of the saloon +had gathered around and appeared to enjoy the scene highly. + +"If he has given you any cause of offence, Jack, why don't you pitch +into him?" suggested a half-drunken fellow who bore the enviable +reputation of being a most expert pickpocket. + +Jack unfortunately adopted the suggestion, and struck me with all his +force. I of course returned the blow, with very tolerable effect.--Had +the row commenced and terminated in mere _fisticuffs_ all would have +been well, and I should not now be called upon to write down the details +of a bloody tragedy. + +Drawing a dirk-knife from his breast, Jack attacked me with the utmost +fury. I then did what any other person, situated as I was, would have +done--I acted in my own defence. "Self-defence" is universally +acknowledged to be the "first law of nature." There was I, a stranger, +savagely attacked by a young man armed with a dangerous weapon, and +surrounded by his friends and associates--a desperate set, who seemed +disposed to assist in the task of demolishing me. + +I quickly drew from my pocket a pistol, without which, at that time, I +never travelled. Before, however, I could cock and level it, my +infuriated enemy dashed his dirk-knife into my face, and the point +entered my right eye. It was fortunate that the weapon did not penetrate +the brain, and cause my instant death. + +Maddened by the horrible pain which I suffered, and believing myself to +be mortally wounded, I raised the pistol and discharged it. Jack Slack +fell to the floor, a corpse, his head being shattered to pieces. _I +never regretted the act._ + +A cry of horror and dismay burst from the lips of all present, on +witnessing this dreadful but justifiable deed of retribution. + +"Gentlemen," said I, as the blood was trickling down my face--"I call +upon you all to witness that I slew this young man in self-defence. He +drove me to commit the deed, and I could not avoid it. I am willing and +anxious to abide the decision of a jury of my countrymen; therefore, +send for an officer, and I will voluntarily surrender myself into his +custody." + +Scarcely had I uttered these words, when the excruciating torment which +I suffered caused me to faint away. When I recovered, I found myself in +a prison-cell, with a bandage over my damaged optic, and a physician +feeling my pulse. + +"Ah!" said I, looking around, "I am in _limbo_, I see. Well, I do not +fear the result. But, doctor, am I seriously injured--am I likely to +kick the bucket?" + +"Not at all," was the doctor's encouraging reply--"but you have lost the +sight of your eye." + +"Oh, is _that_ all?" said I with a laugh--"well, I believe that it is +said in the Bible somewhere, that it is better to enter the kingdom of +heaven with one eye than to go to the devil with two." + +The physician departed for his home, and I departed for the land of +dreams. The pain of my wound had considerably mitigated, and I slept +quite comfortably. + +I have always been somewhat of a philosopher in the way of enduring the +ills of life, and I tried to reconcile myself to my misfortune and +situation with as good a grace as possible. In this I succeeded much +better than might have been expected. When a person loses an eye and is +at the same time imprisoned for killing another individual, it is +certainly natural for that unfortunate person to yield to despair; but, +seeing the uselessness of grief, I resolved to "face the music" with all +the courage of which I was possessed. + +Two or three days passed away, and I became almost well--for, to use a +common expression, I owned the constitution of a horse. The newspapers +which I was allowed to send out and purchase, made me acquainted with +something that rather surprised me, for they communicated to me the +information that Jack Slack, the young gentleman to whom I had presented +a ticket of admission to the other world, was a person whose _real_ name +was John Shaffer, _alias_ Slippery Jack, _alias_ Jack Slack. His +profession was that of a pickpocket, in which avocation he had always +been singularly expert. He was well known to the police, and had been +frequently imprisoned. I was gratified to see that the newspapers all +justified me in what I had done, and predicted my honorable discharge +from custody. That prediction proved correct; for, after I had been in +confinement a week, the Grand Jury failed to bring a bill of indictment +against me, and I was consequently set at liberty. + +Tired of Philadelphia, I went to Washington. A New York member of +Congress, with whom I was well acquainted, volunteered to show me the +"lions;" and I had the honor of a personal introduction to Mr. Van Buren +and other distinguished official personages. Some people would be +surprised if they did but know of the splendid dissipation that prevails +among the "dignitaries of the nation" at Washington. + +I have seen more than one member of the United States Senate staggering +through the streets, from what cause the reader will have no difficulty +in judging. I have seen a great statesman, since deceased, carried from +an after-dinner table to his chamber. I have seen the honorable +Secretary of one of the National departments engaged in a brawl in a +brothel. I have seen Representatives fighting in a bar-room like so many +rowdies, and I have heard them use language that would disgrace a beggar +in his drink. I need not allude to the many outrageous scenes which have +been enacted in the councils of the nation; for the newspapers have +already given them sufficient publicity. + +Leaving Washington, I journeyed South, and, after many adventures which +the limits of this work will not permit me to describe, I arrived in the +City of New Orleans. I had no difficulty in procuring a lucrative +situation as reporter on a popular daily newspaper; and enjoyed free +access to all the theatres and other places of amusement.--I remained in +New Orleans just one year; but, not liking the climate,--and finding, +moreover, that I was living too "_fast_," and accumulating no money,--I +resolved to "pull up stakes" and start in a Northerly direction. +Accordingly, I returned to Philadelphia. + +It would have been much better for me had I remained in New Orleans, for +the hardest kind of times prevailed in the "Quaker City," on my arrival +there. It was almost impossible to obtain employment of any description; +and many actors, authors and artists, as well as mechanics, were most +confoundedly "hard up." I soon exhausted the contents of my purse; and, +like the Prodigal Son, "began to be in want." + +One fine day, in a very disconsolate mood, I was wandering through an +obscure street, when I encountered a former lady acquaintance, whom, I +trust, the reader has not forgotten. + +But the particulars of that unexpected encounter, and the details of +what subsequently transpired, are worthy of a separate chapter. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[E] It is singular, but it is true, that a few nights prior to the +tragical occurrences which I am about to relate, I saw, in a dream, a +perfect and exact fore-shadow of the whole melancholy affair! Who can +explain this mystery? + + + + +CHAPTER V + +_I encountered a lady acquaintance, and, like a knight errant of old, +became the champion of beauty._ + + +A musical voice pronounced my name; and looking up, I saw a very +handsome woman seated at the window of a rather humble wooden tenement, +the first floor of which was occupied as a cheap grocery. I immediately +recognised my old acquaintance, Mrs. Raymond, the pretty widow of the +fashionable boarding-house in William street, New York--she who had +carried on an intrigue with Mr. Romaine. I have, in a former chapter, +described the terrible affair in which Romaine slew his wife and +Anderson her paramour--and then killed himself. + +I need scarcely say that this encounter with Mrs. Raymond, under such +peculiar circumstances, rather astonished me. I had known her as a lady +of wealth, and the most elegant and fastidious tastes; and yet here I +found her living in an obscure and disreputable portion of the city, and +occupying a house which none but the victims of poverty would ever have +consented to dwell in. + +"Wait until I come down and conduct you up stairs," said Mrs. Raymond; +and she disappeared from the window. + +In a few moments she opened the door leading to the upper part of the +house; and having warmly shaken hands with me, she desired me to follow +her. I complied, and was shown into an apartment on the second floor. + +"This is my room, and my only one; don't laugh at it," said Mrs. +Raymond, with a melancholy smile. + +I looked around me. The room was small, but scrupulously clean; and, +notwithstanding the scantiness and humility of the furniture, a certain +air of refinement prevailed. I have often remarked that it is impossible +for a person who has been accustomed to the elegancies of life, to +become so low, in fortune or character, as to entirely lose every trace +of former superiority. + + "You may break, you may ruin the vase, if you will, + But the scent of the roses will cling 'round it still!" + +Mrs. Raymond's apartment merely contained a fine table, two or three +common chairs, a closet, a bed, and a harp--the relic of better and +happier days. The uncarpeted floor was almost as white as snow--and +certainly no snow could be purer or whiter than the drapery of her +unpretending couch. + +We sat down--I and my beautiful hostess--and entered into earnest +conversation. I examined the lady with attention. She had lost none of +her former radiant beauty, and I fancied that a shade of melancholy +rather enhanced her charms. Her dress was coarse and plain, but very +neat, like everything else around her. Never before, in the course of my +rather extensive experience, had I beheld a more interesting and +fascinating woman; and never shall I forget that day, as we sat together +in her little room, with the soft sunlight of a delightful May afternoon +pouring in through the windows. + + "It haunts me still, though many a year has fled, + Like some wild melody." + +"My dear friend," said Mrs. Raymond, accompanying her words with a look +of the deepest sympathy, "I see that you have met with a great +misfortune. Pardon me, if--" + +"You shall know all," said I; and then I proceeded to make her +acquainted with all that had happened to me since the occurrence of the +William street tragedy. Of course, I did not omit to give her the full +particulars of my fatal affray with Jack Slack, as that accounted for +the "great misfortune" to which she had alluded. When I had finished my +narration, the lady sighed deeply and said-- + +"Ah, my friend, we have both been made the victims of cruel misfortune. +You see me to-day penniless and destitute; I, formerly so rich, courted +and admired. Have you the time and patience to listen to my melancholy +story?" + +I eagerly answered in the affirmative; and Mrs. Raymond spoke as +follows:-- + +"After that terrible affair in William street--the recollection of which +still curdles my blood with horror--I took up my abode in a private +family at the lower end of Broadway. I soon formed the acquaintance of a +gentleman of fine appearance, and agreeable address, named Livingston, +who enjoyed the enviable reputation of being a person of wealth and a +man of honor. I was pleased with him, and noticing my partiality, he +made violent love to me. Tired of living the life of a single +woman--desirous of securing a protection, and wishing to become an +honorable wife instead of a mistress--I did not reject him, for he moved +in the very highest circles, and seemed to be in every way +unobjectionable. I will not weary you with the details of our courtship; +suffice it to say that we were married. We took an elegant house in one +of the up-town avenues; and, for a time, all went well. After a while, I +discovered that my husband had no fortune whatever; but I loved him too +well to reproach him--and besides, he had never represented himself to +me as being a man of wealth; it was the circle in which he moved which +had bestowed upon him that reputation. Also, I considered that my +fortune was sufficient for us both. Therefore, the discovery of his +poverty did not in the least diminish my regard for him. It was not long +before the extensive demands which he kept constantly making upon my +purse, alarmed me; I feared that he had fallen into habits of gambling; +and I ventured to remonstrate with him upon his extravagance. He +confessed his fault, entreated my forgiveness, and promised amendment. +Of course, I forgave him; for a loving wife can forgive anything in her +husband but _infidelity_. But he did _not_ reform; he continued his +ruinous career; and my fortune melted away like snow beneath the rays of +the sun. The man possessed such an irresistible influence over me, that +I never could refuse an application on his part for money. I believed +that he sincerely loved me, and that was enough for me--I asked for no +more. I entertained romantic notions of 'love in a cottage.' + +"At length my fortune was all gone--irrevocably gone. 'No matter,' I +thought--'I have still my dear husband left; nothing can ever take him +away from me. I will share poverty with him, and we shall be happy +together.' We gave up our splendid mansion, and sold our magnificent +furniture, and rented a small but respectable house. And now my blood +boils to relate how that villain Livingston served me--for he was a +villain, a cool, deliberate, black-hearted one. He deserted me, carrying +off with him what little money and the few jewels I still possessed, +thus leaving me entirely destitute. But what added to my +affliction,--nay, I should rather say my maddening rage, was a note +which the base scoundrel had written and left behind him, in which he +mockingly begged to be excused for his absence, and stated that he had +other wives to attend to in other cities. 'I never loved you,' he wrote +in that infamous letter, every word of which is branded upon my heart as +with a pen of fire--'I never loved you, and my only object in marrying +you was to enjoy your fortune; I have no further use for you. It may +console you to know that the principal portion of the large sums of +money which you gave me from time to time, was applied, not as you +imagined to the payment of gambling debts, but to the support of two +voluptuous mistresses of mine, whom I kept in separate establishments +that were furnished with almost regal splendor. Thus did you +unconsciously contribute to the existence of two rivals, who received a +greater share of my attentions than you did. In conclusion, as you are +now without resources, I would advise you to sell your charms to the +highest bidder. There are many wealthy and amorous gentlemen in New +York, who will pay you handsomely for your smiles and kisses. I shall +not be jealous of their attentions to my _sixth wife_! I intend to marry +six more within the next six months. Yours truly, LIVINGSTON.' Thus wrote +the accursed wretch, for whom I had sacrificed everything--fortune, +position in society, and friends; for who among my fashionable +acquaintances, would associate with an impoverished and deserted wife? +Not one. Furious at Livingston's treatment of me, I resolved to follow +him, even unto the end of the earth, in order to avenge my wrongs. By +careful inquiry, I learned that he had taken his departure for the +western part of the state of Pennsylvania. You will hardly credit it, +but it is God's truth, that being without money to pay travelling +expenses, I actually set out _on foot_, and travelled through New Jersey +until I reached this city. I subsisted on the road by soliciting the +hospitality of the farmers, which was in most cases grudgingly and +scantily bestowed, for _benevolence_ is not a prominent characteristic +of the New Jersey people,[F] and besides, there was certainly something +rather suspicious in the idea of a well-dressed woman travelling on +foot, and alone. On my arrival here in Philadelphia, I found myself worn +out and exhausted by the fatiguing journey which I had performed. Having +called upon some kind Quaker ladies of whose goodness I had often heard, +I told them my sad history, which aroused their warmest sympathies. They +placed me in this apartment, paid a month's rent in advance, purchased +for me the articles of furniture which you see, and obtained for me some +light employment. I worked industriously, and almost cheerfully, my +object being to earn money enough to carry me to Pittsburg, in Western +Pennsylvania, where, I have reason to believe, the villain has located +himself. + +"In my moments of leisure, I longed for some means of recreation; for I +saw no company, and was very lonesome. So I wrote on to New York, and +through the agency of a kind friend, had my harp sent out to me here, +the rest of my poor furniture being presented to that friend. Then did +the divine charm of music lighten the burden of my sorrows. One +circumstance rather discouraged me: I found that with the utmost +industry I could not earn more than sufficient to pay my rent and other +necessary expenses, although I lived frugally, almost on bread and +water, except on Sundays, when I would manage to treat myself to a cup +of tea. You may smile at these trifling details, my dear friend, but I +mention them to show you the hardships and privations to which poor +women are often exposed. My landlady, who keeps the grocery store down +stairs, is a coarse, vulgar, hard-hearted woman; and, when I was thrown +out of employment in consequence of the hardness of the times, and could +not pay her rent, she not only abused me dreadfully, but annoyed me by +making the most infamous suggestions, proposing that I should embrace a +life of prostitution, and offering to procure me plenty of 'patrons.' I, +of course, indignantly repelled the horrible proposals--but, would you +believe it? she actually introduced into my apartment an old, +gray-haired and well-dressed libertine, for a purpose which you can +easily imagine. The old villain, however, decamped when I displayed a +small dagger, and declared that I would kill myself rather than become +his victim. This conduct of mine still further incensed my landlady +against me; and I expect every moment to be turned out into the street. +It is true that I might raise a small sum of money by the sale of my +harp, which is a very superior instrument, but as it was the gift of my +first husband, I cannot endure the thought of parting with it, for there +are associated with it some of the fondest recollections of my life. I +am sure that if those kind Quaker ladies had known the character of this +house and the neighborhood around it, they would not have placed me +here. Heaven only knows what I have suffered, and still suffer. I live +in constant dread that some ruffian, instigated by my landlady, who +wishes to gratify both her avarice and malignity, may break in upon me +some time when I am off my guard, and make me the victim of a brutal +outrage. This fear keeps me awake nights, and makes my days miserable. +Nor is this all; I have not tasted food since the day before yesterday." + +"Good God!" I exclaimed--"is it possible? Oh, accursed be the +circumstances which have made us both so misfortunate; and doubly +accursed be that scoundrel Livingston, the author of all your sorrows. +By heavens! I will seek him out, and terribly punish him for his base +conduct towards you. Yes, my dear Mrs. Raymond--for such I shall +continue to call you, notwithstanding your marriage to that monster +Livingston--rest assured that your wrongs shall be avenged.--The villain +shall rue the day when he made a play-thing of a woman's heart, robbed +her of her fortune, and then left her to poverty and despair!" + +[This language of mine may seem rather theatrical and romantic; but the +reader will please to remember that I was only nineteen years of age at +the time of its utterance--a period of life not remarkable for sobriety +of language or discretion of conduct. Were that interview to take place +_to-day_, I should probably thus express myself:--"My dear Mrs. Raymond, +I advise you to forget the d----d rascal and put on the tea-kettle, +while I rush out and negotiate for some _grub_!"] + +Mrs. Raymond gratefully pressed my hand, and said-- + +"I thank you for thus espousing my cause;--but, my dear friend, _mine_ +must be the task of punishing the villain. No other hand but _mine_ +shall strike the blow that will send his black, polluted soul into +eternity!" + +These fierce words, which were pronounced with the strongest emphasis, +caused me to look at my fair hostess with some degree of astonishment; +and no wonder--for the quiet, elegant lady had been suddenly transferred +into the enraged and revenge-thirsting woman. She looked superbly +beautiful at that moment;--her cheeks glowed, her eyes sparkled, and her +bosom heaved like the waves of a stormy sea. + +"Well," said I--"we will discuss that matter hereafter. Have the +goodness to excuse my absence for a few minutes. I have a little errand +to perform." + +She smiled, for she knew the nature of my errand. I went down stairs and +walked up the street, in the greatest perplexity; for--let me whisper it +into your ear, reader, I had not a sufficient amount of the current coin +of the realm in my pockets to create a gingle upon a tomb-stone. + +"What the devil shall I do?" said I to myself--"here I have constituted +myself the champion and protector of a hungry lady, and haven't enough +money to purchase a salt herring! Shall I _show up_ my satin waistcoat? +No, d----n it, that won't do, for I _must_ keep up appearances. Can't I +borrow a trifle from some of my friends? No, curse them, they are all as +poverty-stricken as I am! I have it!--I'll test the benevolence of some +_gospel-wrestler_, and borrow the devil's impudence for the occasion." + +I walked rapidly into a more fashionable quarter of the city, looking +attentively at every door-plate. At last I saw the name, "_Reverend +Phineas Porkley_."[G] That was enough. Without a moment's hesitation I +mounted the steps and rang the bell savagely. The door was opened by a +fat old flunkey with a red nose of an alarming aspect. I rushed by him +into the hall, dashed my hat recklessly upon the table, and shouted-- + +"Where's Brother Porkley? Show me to him instantly! Don't dare say he's +out, for I know that he's at home! It's a matter of life and death! +Woman dying--children starving--and the devil to pay generally. Wake +Snakes, you fat porpoise, and conduct me to your master!" + +The flunkey's red nose grew pale with astonishment and fear; yet he +managed to stammer out-- + +"'Pon my life, sir--really, sir--Mr. Porkley, sir--he's at home, +certainly, sir--in his library, sir--writing his next Sunday's sermons, +sir--can't see any one, sir--" + +"Catiff, conduct me to his presence!" I exclaimed, in a deep voice, +after the manner of the dissatisfied brigand who desires to "mub" the +false duke in his own ancestral halls. + +Not daring to disobey, the trembling flunkey led the way up one flight +of stairs and pointed to a door, which I abruptly opened. There, in his +library, sat Brother Porkley, a monstrously fat man with a pale, oily +face that contained about as much expression as the surface of a cheese. + +But how was Brother Porkley engaged when I intruded upon him? Was he +writing a sermon, or attentively perusing some good theological work? +Neither. Oh, then perhaps the excellent man was at prayer. Wrong again. +He was merely smoking a short pipe and sipping a glass of brandy and +water, like a sensible man--for is it not better to take one's comfort +than to play the part of a hypocrite? _I_ think so. + +"My dear Brother Porkley," cried I, rushing forward and grasping the +astonished parson by the hand, which I shook with tremendous violence, +"I come on a mission of Charity and Love! I come as a messenger of +Benevolence! I come as a dove of Peace with the olive branch in my claw! +Porkley, greatest philanthropist of the age, _come down_, for suffering +humanity requires your assistance!" + +"What do you mean, sir?" demanded the reverend Falstaff, as he vainly +strove to extricate his hand from my affectionate grasp, "who are you +and what do you want?" + +"Brother," said I, in a broken voice, as I dashed an imaginary tear from +the tip end of my nose, "in the next street there dwells a poor but +pious family, consisting of a widow woman and her twelve small children. +They live in a cellar, sir, one hundred feet below the surface of the +earth, in the midst of darkness, horror and bull-frogs, which animals +they are compelled to eat in a raw state, in order to exist. Yes _sir_!" + +"But what is all this to me?" + +"Much, sir, you are a Christian--a clergyman--and a trump. If you do not +assist that distressed family, your reputation for benevolence will not +be worth the first red cent. Those children are howling for +food--bull-frogs being scarce--and that fond mother is dying of +small-pox." + +"Small-pox!" + +"Yes _sir_! I have attended her during the last five nights, and fear +that I am infected with the disease; but I am willing to lose my life in +the holy cause of charity." + +"Good God, sir! You will communicate the disease to _me_! Let go my +hand, sir, and leave this house before you load the air with +pestilence!" + +"No, _sir_! I couldn't think of leaving until you have done something +for the relief of that distressed widow and her twelve small children." + +"D----n the distressed widow and--bless my soul! what am I saying? My +good young man, what will satisfy you?" + +"Five dollars, reverend sir." + +"Here, then, here is the money. Now go, go quickly. Every moment that +you remain here is pregnant with evil. Pray make haste!" + +"But won't you come and pray with the distressed widow and her--" + +"No! If I do may I be--blessed! _Will_ you go!" + +"I'm off, old Porkhead!" + +With these words I bolted out of the library, stumbled over a corpulent +cat that was quietly reposing on the landing, descended the stairs in +two leaps, upset the fat flunkey in the hall, and gained the street in +safety with my booty--a five dollar city bill. I hastened back towards +the residence of Mrs. Raymond, but stopped at an eating-saloon on the +way and loaded myself with provisions ready cooked. I did not forget to +purchase two bottles of excellent wine. Thus provided, I entered the +apartment of Mrs. Raymond, who received me with a smile of gratitude and +joy which I shall never forget. + +We sat down to the table with sharp appetites, and did full justice to +the repast, which was really most excellent. The wine raised our +spirits, and, forgetting our misfortunes, merrily did we chat about old +times in New York, carefully omitting the slightest allusion to the +bloody affair in William street. When we had finished one bottle, Mrs. +Raymond favored me with an air upon her harp, which she played with +exquisite skill. After executing a brilliant Italian waltz, she played +and sang that plaintive song: + + "The light of other days have faded, + And all their glory's past." + +Just as the song was finished, there came a loud knocking at the door. + +"It is my landlady," said Mrs. Raymond, in a low tone, "conceal +yourself, and you will see how she treats me." + +I stepped into the closet; but through a crevice in the door I could see +all that transpired. + +A fat, vulgar-looking woman entered with a consequential air, and a face +inflamed by drink, gave her a peculiarly repulsive appearance. Of course +she was utterly unconscious of my presence in the house. Taking up her +position in the middle of the apartment, she placed her hands upon her +hips, and said, in a hoarse and angry voice-- + +"Come up out o' that! _You're_ a pretty one to be playing and singing, +when you owe me for two months' rent. You have been feasting, too, I +see. Where did you get the money? Why didn't you pay it to _me_? Have +you any money left?" + +"No I have not." + +"Come up out o' that! Why the devil don't you sell that humstrum of +yours, that harp, I mean, and raise the wind? It will bring a good ten +dollars, I'll be sworn. And why don't you take my advice and earn money +as other women do? You are handsome, the men would run after you like +mad. That nice, rich old gentleman, Mr. Letcher, that I brought to see +you, would have given you any amount of money if you had only treated +him kindly--but you frightened him away. Come up out o' that! Now, what +do you mean to do? I can't let you stay here any longer unless you raise +some money. This evening I'll fetch another nice gentleman here; and if +you cut up any of your _tantrums_ with _him_, I'll bundle you out into +the street this very night." + +"If you bring any man here to molest me," said Mrs. Raymond, +spiritedly--"I will stab him to the heart, and then kill myself." + +"Come out o' that," screamed the landlady, approaching Mrs. Raymond with +a threatening look, "don't think to frighten me with your tragical +airs. I must have my money, and so I'll take this harp and sell it, in +spite of you!" + +She seized upon the instrument and was about to carry it off, when I +rushed forth from my place of concealment, exclaiming-- + +"Come up out o' that! Drop that instrument, you old harridan, or I'll +drop _you_! Do not imagine that this lady is entirely friendless. I am +here to protect her." + +The astounded landlady put down the harp and began to mutter many +apologies, for I was extremely well dressed, and she probably believed +me to be some person of consequence who had become the protector and +patron of Mrs. Raymond. + +"Oh, sir--I'm sure, sir--I didn't mean, sir--if I had known, sir--I beg +a thousand pardons, sir--" + +"Come up out o' that!" cried I, "leave the room, instantly." + +The landlady vanished with a celerity that was rather remarkable, +considering her extreme corpulence. + +After a short pause, Mrs. Raymond said to me-- + +"You see to what abuse my circumstances subject me." + +"Would to God my circumstances were such as to render you that +assistance you so much need; would that I could raise you from such +unendurable misery! But to speak without equivocation, my condition is +as penniless as your own." + +"Then you can, indeed, sympathize with my distress." + +"Most sincerely; but you must not go alone in quest of that villainous +husband;--and money will be necessary." + +"This harp will--" + +"Oh, no--you can never part with it." + +"I must." + +"Then let it be but temporarily. There is a pawnbroker's shop on the +next square, there we can redeem it--if you can for a time endure to +have it removed from your sight." + +"No matter," said my heroine, undauntedly, "a wronged woman can endure +anything when she is in pursuit of vengeance. The weather is delicious; +we will travel leisurely, and have a very pleasant time. Should our +money become exhausted, we will solicit the hospitality of the good old +Pennsylvania farmers, who are renowned for their kindness to travellers, +and who will not refuse a bite and a sup, or a night's shelter, to two +poor wanderers. If you refuse to accompany me, I will go alone." + +"I will go with you to the end of the earth!" I exclaimed, with +enthusiasm, for I could not help admiring the noble courage of that +beautiful woman, whose splendid countenance now glowed with all the +animation of anticipated vengeance. + +She pressed my hand warmly, in acknowledgement of my devotion; and then, +having put on her bonnet and shawl, she announced herself as being in +readiness to set out. + +"I have no valuables of any kind," said she, "and the landlady is +welcome to this furniture, which will discharge my indebtedness to her. +I shall return to this house no more." + +I shouldered the harp, and we left the house without encountering the +amiable landlady. + +To reach the nearest pawnbroker's, it was necessary to pass through one +of the principal streets. To my dismay a crowd of actors, reporters and +others were assembled upon the steps of a hotel. The rascals spied me +out before I could cross over; and so, putting on as bold a front as +possible, I walked on pretending not to notice them, while a "running +commentary," something like the following, was kept up until I was out +of hearing: + +"_Stag his knibbs_,"[H] said the "heavy man" of the Arch street theatre. + +"Thompson, give us a tune!" bawled out a miserable wretch of a light +comedian, or "walking gentleman." + +"Jem Baggs, the _Wandering Minstrel_, by G----!" yelled a pitiful demon +of a newspaper reporter. + +"Who is that magnificent woman accompanying him?" inquired a dandy +editor, raising his eye-glass and surveying my fair companion with an +admiring gaze. + +"Egad! she's a beauty!" cried all the fellows, in a chorus. Mrs. Raymond +blushed and smiled. It was evident that these expressions of admiration +were not displeasing to her. + +"Excuse those gentlemen," said I to her, apologetically--"they are all +particular friends of mine." + +"I am not offended; indeed they are very complimentary," responded the +lady, with a gay laugh. She had the most musical laugh in the world, and +the most beautiful one to _look at_, for it displayed her fine, pearly +teeth to the most charming advantage. + +We reached the pawnbroker's and I went boldly in while Mrs. Raymond +waited for me outside the door, for I did not wish her to be exposed to +the mortification of being stared at by those who might be in the shop. + +The pawnbroker was a gentleman of Jewish persuasion, and possessed a +nose like the beak of an eagle. He took the instrument and examined it +carefully, + +"Vat is dish?" said he, "a harp? Oh, dat is no use. We have tousands +such tings offered every day. Dere is no shecurity in mushical +instruments. Vat do you want for it?" + +"Ten dollars," I replied, in a tone of decision. + +"Can't give it," said the Israelite--"it ish too moosh. Give you eight." + +"No," said I, taking up the harp and preparing to depart. + +"Here, den," said _my uncle_, "I will give you ten, but only shust to +_oblishe_ you--mind dat." + +I duly thanked him for his willingness to _oblige_ me. Uncle Moses gave +me the ticket and money; and I left the shop and rejoined Mrs. Raymond, +to whom I handed over the duplicate and the X. + +"I will take the ticket," said she, smiling--"but you shall keep the +money, for I appoint you my cashier." + +At the suggestion of my fair friend we now sought out a cheap +second-hand clothing establishment, which, fortunately, was kept by a +woman, who, when matters were confidentially explained to her, readily +entered into our plan. Mrs. Raymond and the woman retired into a rear +apartment, while I remained in the shop. + +Half or three-quarters of an hour passed away. At last the door of the +inner apartment was opened and there entered the shop a young person +whom I did not immediately recognize. This person seemed to be a very +beautiful boy, neatly dressed in a cloth jacket and cap, and possessing +a form of the most exquisite symmetry. This pretty and interesting lad +approached me, and tapping me playfully upon the cheek, said-- + +"My dear fellow, how do you like me now? Have I not made a change for +the better? How queenly I feel in this strange rig!" + +It was of course Mrs. Raymond who addressed me. Her disguise was +perfect; never before had I seen so complete a transformation, even upon +the stage. No one would have suspected her to be otherwise than what she +seemed, a singularly delicate and handsome boy, apparently about sixteen +years of age. + +I congratulated the lady upon the admirable appearance which she made in +her newly adopted costume, but expressed my regret that she should have +been compelled to part with her magnificent hair. + +"There was no help for it," said she, laughing. "I confess that I +experienced some regret when I felt my hair tumbling from my shoulders; +but the loss was unavoidable, for those tresses would have betrayed my +sex. This good woman, here, proved to be a very expert barber." +Reflecting that a coarse suit of clothes would be just as good and +better, for a dusty road, than a fine suit of broadcloth, I made a +bargain with the proprietress of the shop to exchange my garments for +coarse ones of fustian, she giving me a reasonable sum to +counter-balance the great superiority of my wardrobe. This arrangement +was speedily completed, and I found myself suddenly transformed into a +rustic looking individual, who, in appearance, certainly deserved the +title of a perfect "greenhorn." + +All parties being satisfied, I and my fair companion departed. In the +evening, having supped, we went to the theatre, where I revenged myself +upon the "heavy man," and the "light comedian," who had in the afternoon +made merry at my expense for carrying the harp, by getting up a hiss for +the former gentleman, who knew not one single word of his part, and by +hitting the latter individual upon the nose with an apple, for which +latter feat (as the actor was a great favorite,) I was hounded out of +the theatre, and narrowly escaped being carried to the watch-house. I +and my fair friend then took lodgings for the night at a neighboring +hotel. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[F] Some people imagine that New Jersey belongs to the United States. +That opinion I hold to be erroneous. + +[G] In this, as in several other cases, I have used a fictitious name, +inasmuch as a number of the persons alluded to in this narrative are +still living. + +[H] It is not generally known among "outsiders," that circus people and +actors are in the habit of using among themselves a sort of flash +language which enables them to converse about professional and other +affairs without being understood by outside listeners. If I had room, I +could relate many amusing anecdotes under this head. "_Stag his knibbs_" +signifies "_Look at him_." + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +_In which is introduced a celebrated Comedian from the Theatre Royal, +Drury Lane, London._ + + +The next morning, bright and early, "two travellers might have been +seen" crossing one of the ponderous bridges that lead over the +Schuylkill from Philadelphia to the opposite shore. The one was a stout +young cavalier, arrayed in fustian brown; the other was a pretty youth, +attired in broadcloth blue, and brilliant was his flashing eye, and +coal-black was his hair. By my troth, good masters, a fairer youth ne'er +touched the light guitar within the boudoir of my lady. + +"Now, by my knightly oath," quoth he in fustian brown, "my soul expands +in the soft beauty of this rosy morn, my blood dances merrily through +every vein, and I feel like eating a thundering good breakfast at the +next hostelrie.--What sayest _thou_, fair youth?" + +"Of a truth, Sir George," quoth he in broadcloth blue, in a voice of +liquid melody, "I am hungered, and would gladly sit me down before a +flagon of coffee, and a goodly platter of ham and eggs." + +"Bravely spoken," quoth the stout young cavalier, with watering mouth; +and then, relapsing into silence, the train journeyed onward. + +Soon they paused before a goodly hostelrie, which bore upon its swinging +signboard the device of "The Pig and the Snuffers." + +"What ho, within there! House, house, I say!" hastily roared the youth +in fustian brown, as he vigorously applied his cowhide boot to the door +of the inn. + +Forth came mine host of the Pig and Snuffers--a jovial knave and a right +merry one, I ween, with mighty paunch and nose of ruby red. Now, by the +rood! a funnier knight than this same Rupert Harmon, ne'er drew a +foaming tankard of nut-brown ale, or blew a cloud from a short pipe in a +chimney corner. + +"Welcome, my masters--a right good welcome," quoth the fat host of the +Pig and Snuffers. + +"Bestir thyself, knave," quoth the cove in fustian brown, as he entered +the inn followed by the pretty youth in broadcloth blue--"beshrew me, I +am devilish hungry, and athirst likewise. Knave, a stoup of sack, and +then let ham, eggs and coffee smoke upon the festive board!" + +"To hear is to obey," said he of the Pig and Snuffers, as he waddled out +of the room in order to give the necessary instructions for breakfast. + +It came! Ha, ha! Shall I attempt to describe that breakfast? Nay--my +powers are inadequate to the task. + +But, dropping the style of my friend, G.P.R. James, the great English +novelist, I shall continue my narrative in my own humble way. + +We breakfasted, and cheerfully set out upon our journey. The weather was +delightful; the odor of spring flowers perfumed the air, and the soft +breeze made music amid the branches of the trees. On every side of us +were the evidences of agricultural prosperity--fine, spacious +farm-houses, immense barns, vast orchards, and myriads of thriving +domestic animals. Sturdy old Dutch farmers, jogging leisurely along in +their great wagons to and from the city, saluted us with a hearty "good +morrow;" and one jolly old fellow who was returning home after having +disposed of a quantity of produce, insisted upon giving us a "lift" in +his wagon. So we got in, and about dark reached the farmer's home--a +substantial and comfortable mansion that indicated its owner to be a man +of considerable wealth. + +I was surprised at the powers of endurance exhibited by my fair friend, +who after a pretty hard day's journey, exhibited not the slightest +symptom of fatigue. She kept up a most exuberant flow of spirits, and +seemed delighted with the novelty of the journey which we had commenced. +She was truly a charming companion, full of wit, sentiment and +intelligence; and I look back upon those days with a sigh of regret--for +such unalloyed happiness I shall never see again. + +The good old farmer, with characteristic hospitality, declared that we +should go not further that night; and we gladly availed ourselves of his +kindness. He introduced us to his wife--a fine old lady, and a famous +knitter of stockings--and also to his only daughter, a plump, rosy, girl +about eighteen years old. This damsel surveyed my disguised companion +with a look of the most intense admiration; and I saw at once that she +had actually fallen in love with Mrs. Raymond! + +"There will be some fun here," said I to myself--"I must keep dark and +watch the movements. The idea of a woman falling love with one of her +own sex, is rather rich!" + +After a capital supper--ye gods, what German sausages!--I accepted the +old farmer's invitation to inspect his barn, cattle, &c. My fair friend +was taken possession of by the amorous Dutch damsel, who seemed to be +particularly anxious to display the beauties of her _dairy_, which is +always the pride of a farmer's daughter. I could not help laughing at +the look of comical embarrassment which poor Mrs. Raymond assumed, when +the buxom young lady seized her and dragged her off. + +I of course praised the farmer's barn and stock with the air of a judge +of such matters, and we returned to the house, where I applied myself to +the task of entertaining the old lady, and in this I succeeded so well, +that she presented me with a nice pair of stockings of her own knitting. + +After a while, my fair friend and the farmer's daughter returned;--and I +noticed that Mrs. Raymond looked exceedingly annoyed and perplexed, +while the countenance of the Dutch damsel exhibited anger and +disappointment. I could easily guess how matters stood; but, of course, +I said nothing. + +During the evening, my fair friend had an opportunity of speaking to me +in private; and she said to me, with a deep blush, although she could +not help smiling as she spoke-- + +"I have something to tell you which is really very awkward and +ridiculous, yet you can't think how it vexes me. Now don't laugh at me +in that provoking manner, but listen. That great, silly Dutch girl, +after showing me her dairy, which is really a very pretty affair and +well worth seeing, suddenly made the most furious love to me--supposing +me, of course, to be what I seem, a boy. I was terribly confused and +frightened, and knew not what to say, nor how to act. Throwing her fat +arms around me, she declared that I was so handsome that she could not +resist me, and that I must become her lover. I told her that I was too +young to know anything about love; and then the creature volunteered to +teach me all about it. Then I intimated that I could not think of +marrying at present, as I was too poor to support a wife; but she +laughed at the idea of matrimony, and said that she only wanted me to be +her little lover. Finally I effected my release by promising to meet her +about midnight, in the orchard by the gate. Now, is not all this very +dreadful--to be persecuted by a big, unrelenting Dutch girl in this +manner?" + +I roared with laughter. It was rude and ungallant, I confess; but how +could I help it? Mrs. Raymond made a desperate effort to become angry; +but so ludicrous was the whole affair, that she could not resist the +contagious influence of my mirth; and she, too, almost screamed with +laughter. + +When our mirth had somewhat subsided, I inquired-- + +"Well, are you going to keep an appointment with the Dutch Venus?" + +"What an absurd question! Of course not! She may wait by the orchard +gate all night, for what _I_ care--the great, lubbery fool!" + +"What do you say to _my_ meeting her at the appointed time and place? I +will act as your representative, and make every satisfactory +explanation." + +"You shall do no such thing. How dare you make such a proposition? I am +perfectly astonished at your impudence!" + +The next morning, after breakfast, we prepared to depart. I saw that the +farmer's daughter regarded my fair friend with a ferocious look. The +damsel had probably passed two or three hours in the night air, waiting +for her "faithless swain." + +Having thanked the good old farmer for his hospitality, and received his +blessing in return, we departed. + +It is not my intention to weary the reader with the details of each +day's travel; indeed, my limited space would not admit of such +particularity. I shall, however, as briefly as possible, relate such +incidents of the journey as I may deem especially worthy of mention. +When we reached Lancaster, we discovered that our funds had entirely +given out, for we had lived expensively at taverns on the way, instead +of exercising a judicious economy. How to raise a fresh supply of money +was now the question, and one most difficult to be answered. But an +unexpected stroke of good fortune was in store for us. Strolling into +the bar-room of the principal hotel, I saw a play-bill stuck up on the +wall. This I read with avidity; and then, to my great satisfaction, I +became aware of the fact that an old friend of mine, one Bill Pratt, a +travelling actor and manager, had "just arrived in Lancaster with a +talented company of comedians, who would that evening have the honor of +appearing before the ladies and gentlemen of the above named place in a +series of entertainments at once Moral, Chaste, Instructive and +Classical, at the Town Hall. Admission--twelve-and-a-half cents." + +So read the play-bill. I and my fair friend immediately posted to the +Town Hall, and there I found Brother Pratt busily engaged in arranging +his stage, putting up his scenery, &c. He was prodigiously glad to see +me.[I] Among his company I recognized several old acquaintances. I +introduced my travelling companion to the ladies and gentlemen of the +profession; and I do not think that any of them suspected her true sex. +We all dined together at the hotel; and a merry party we certainly were, +"within the limits of becoming mirth." Wit sparkled, conundrums puzzled, +bad puns checked, and rich jokes awoke the laughing echoes of the old +dining-hall. Happy people are those travelling actors--happy because +they are careless, and, in the enjoyment of to-day, think not of the +morrow. Are they not true philosophers? + + "Oh, what's the use of sighing, + Since time is on the wing-- + To-morrow we'll be dying, + So merrily, merrily sing-- + Tra, la, la!" + +After dining in company with Brother Pratt I seated myself upon the +piazza; and, while we smoked our cheroots, we recalled the past, dwelt +upon the present, and anticipated the future. + +After a considerable amount of desultory conversation, the Brother +suddenly asked me-- + +"Who is that handsome little fellow with whom you are travelling?" + +"Oh, he ran away from home in order to see something of the world, as +well as to avoid being apprenticed to a laborious trade," was my reply, +for I did not consider it at all necessary to let my friend into the +secret. + +"He's a lad of spirit, and I like him," rejoined the Brother. "If he +went upon the stage, what a splendid court page he'd make! But where are +you going? Tell me all about it." + +I told the Brother all that was necessary for him to know. + +"And so," said he, reflectively, "you are entirely out of funds. That's +bad. We must raise you some cash, in some way or other. I will +immediately cause bills to be printed, announcing that 'the manager has +the pleasure of informing his numerous patrons that he has, at enormous +expense, succeeded in effecting a brief engagement with Mr. George +Thompson, the celebrated comedian from the Theatre Royal, Drury Lane, +London, who will make his first appearance in his celebrated character +of Robert Macaire, in the great drama of that name, as performed by him +upwards of two hundred nights before crowded and fashionable audiences +including the royalty, nobility and gentry of England, who greeted him +with the most terrific and enthusiastic yells of applause, and Her +Majesty the Queen was so delighted with the masterly and brilliant +representation, that she presented Mr. Thompson with a magnificent +diamond ring valued at five thousand pounds sterling, which ring will be +exhibited to the audience at the conclusion of the performance.' How +will _that_ do, my boy? We'll raise the price of admission to +twenty-five cents on account of the extra attraction. I'll play Jaques +Strop, the house will be crammed, and you will go on your way rejoicing, +with a full pocket." + +"I say, old fellow," I gravely remarked--"are you not laying it on a +_little too thick_?" + +"Not at all," coolly replied the brother as he carefully knocked the +ashes off the end of his cigar, "not at all. Humbug is the order of the +day. I'll get a flashy ring to represent the one presented to you by +the queen. You know enough about stage business to play the part of +Robert Macaire very respectably and you also know that I am not very +slow in Jaques Strop. You'll make a hit, depend on it. I'll get you the +book, and you can look over the part. What you don't learn you can +gag.[J] I'll announce you for to-morrow night. Leave all to me; I'll +arrange everything. Let's go in and drink!" + +I was soon master of the part; and, at the end of the next day's +rehearsal, I was found to be "dead letter perfect." The manager and the +members of his company congratulated me on the success which I was sure +to meet with. Meanwhile, the town had been flooded with bills, which +made the same extravagant announcement that Brother Pratt had suggested +to me. Public expectation and curiosity were worked up to the highest +pitch; and a crowd of excited people assembled in front of the principal +hotel, in anticipation of the sudden arrival of the "distinguished +comedian" in a splendid coach drawn by four superb white horses, and +attended by a retinue of servants in magnificent livery. + +Evening came, and the large hall was crowded almost to suffocation, +although the price of tickets had been doubled. I was full of +confidence, having fortified myself by imbibing several glasses of +brandy and water. Just before going on the stage Brother Pratt was, to +use a common expression, "pretty well over the bay." Well, to make a +long story as short as possible, I went on at the proper time, followed +by Jaques Strop. My appearance was greeted with a perfect whirlwind of +applause, which lasted four or five minutes. Taking off my dilapidated +beaver, I gracefully bowed my thanks and then began the part which +commences thus: + + "Come along, comrade, put your best leg foremost. What are you + afraid of? We are out of danger now, and shall soon reach the + frontier." + +I may say without egotism, that I got through the part remarkably well, +and I certainly kept the audience in a continual roar of laughter. Mrs. +Raymond occupied a front seat;--and her encouraging smile sustained me +throughout the play. When the piece was over, I was loudly called for. + +"Now, my boy," said Brother Pratt to me, "go in front of the curtain and +make a rip-staving speech--I know you can do it. Say that at the urgent +solicitation of the manager, you have consented to appear to-morrow +night as Jem Baggs, in the Wandering Minstrel." + +"Very good," said I, "but these people will now want to see the ring +which Queen Victoria presented to me. How shall I manage that?" + +"Easy enough," replied the Brother, as he drew from his pocket and +handed me a big brass ring ornamented with a piece of common glass about +the size of a hen's egg. + +Out I stepped in front of the curtain. A bouquet as large as a cabbage +struck me in the face, and fell at my feet. The giver of this delicate +compliment was an ancient female very youthfully dressed. I picked up +the bouquet, and pressed it to my heart. This was affecting, it melted +the audience to tears. Silence having been obtained, I made a bombastic +speech, which Brother Pratt afterwards declared to be the best he had +ever heard delivered in front of the "green baize." I spoke of being a +stranger in a strange land, of the warm welcome which I received, of +eternal gratitude, of bearing with me beyond the ocean the remembrance +of their kindness, admitted that I was closely allied to the British +aristocracy, but declared that my sentiments were purely republican and +in favor of the "Star-Spangled Banner." + +Here there was a tempest of applause and when it had subsided, the +orchestra, consisting of a fiddle and a bass-drum, struck up the +favorite national air which my words had suggested. Then I exhibited the +diamond ring which had been presented to me by the Queen of England; +and, as the spectators viewed the royal gift, the most profound silence +prevailed among them. When I had sufficiently gratified them by +displaying the lump of brass and glass, I remarked that I would appear +on the next evening as Jem Baggs in the Wandering Minstrel. This +announcement was received with shouts of approbation; and bowing almost +to the foot-lights, I withdrew. + +The next night, the audience was equally large and enthusiastic, and my +"farewell speech" was so deeply affecting, that there was not a dry eye +in the house. + +Brother Pratt urged me to become a regular member of his company; but, +although he offered me a good salary, and glowingly depicted the +pleasant life of a strolling player, I declined, not having any ambition +in that way. Besides, it was my duty to get on to Pittsburg with Mrs. +Raymond, without any unnecessary delay. + +Having received nearly fifty dollars as my share of the proceeds, I took +my leave of Brother Pratt and his company; and, accompanied, of course, +by my fair friend, resumed my journey. + +I wish I had sufficient time and space to describe all the adventures +through which we passed, prior to our arrival in Pittsburg. But such +details would occupy too much room, and I must make the most of the few +pages that are left for me to occupy. + +We crossed the Alleghanies, and, taking the canal at Johnstown, soon +reached Pittsburg. Here we made some essential improvements in our +garments, and put up at a respectable hotel, Mrs. Raymond still +sustaining her masculine character. + +By diligent inquiry, we learned that the villain, Livingston, was in the +city; and my fair friend prepared to avenge the base wrongs which he had +inflicted upon her. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[I] All who have the good fortune to know Bill Pratt _alias_ "The +Original Beader," will acknowledge that a wittier, funnier or better man +never breathed. + +[J] This word, in theatrical parlance, signifies "to employ language +which the author of the play never wrote." + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +_A deed of blood and horror._ + + +We had no difficulty in ascertaining the place of Livingston's abode; +for he was well known in the city. He resided in a handsome house +situated on one of the principal streets; and we discovered that the +lawless rascal was actually engaged in the practice of the law! + +"My dear friend," said Mrs. Raymond to me one day, as we were strolling +along the banks of the river, "I will not suffer you to involve yourself +in any trouble on my account. You must have nothing to do with this +Livingston. You must remain entirely in the back-ground. To me belongs +the task of punishing him. I tell you frankly that I shall kill the man. +He is not fit to live, and he must not be permitted to continue his +career of villainy. Whatever may be my fate, do not, I entreat you, by +unhappy on my account. When I have shed the heart's blood of Livingston, +I shall be willing to die upon the scaffold. To the very last moment of +my life, I shall cherish for you a sentiment of the most affectionate +gratitude; you sacrificed all your own plans in order to accompany me +here, and, throughout the entire long journey, you have treated me with +a degree of kindness and attention, which I can never forget while life +remains. But a truce to melancholy; let us change the subject." + +"With all my heart," said I; and leaving the river side, we walked up +into the centre of the city. + +We passed an elegant dwelling-house on the door of which was a silver +plate bearing the name "Livingston." This was the residence of the +villain who ruined Mrs. Raymond. + +A carriage drove up before the door, and from it leaped a tall, +fine-looking man, dressed in the height of fashion. He assisted a +beautiful and elegantly attired lady to alight from the vehicle, and +conducted her into the house. + +"That man is Livingston, and that woman must be _one of his wives_," +said Mrs. Raymond, with a bitter smile, as she placed her hand in her +bosom, where, I knew, she carried a dirk-knife. + +"My friend," resumed she, after a pause, "leave me; I may as well +perform my bloody task now, as at any other time. I will invent some +pretext for requesting an interview with Livingston, and then, without +uttering a single word, I will stab him to the heart. Farewell, forget +me, and be happy!" + +"Stay," said I--"you must not leave me thus. Let me persuade you to +abandon, at least for the present, your terrible design with reference +to Livingston. You are agitated, excited; wait until you are cool, and +capable of sober reflections." + +Mrs. Raymond regarded me with a look of anger, as she said, +passionately-- + +"And was it for the purpose of giving me such advice as _this_, that you +accompanied me from Philadelphia to this city? You knew, all the while, +the object of my journey, and yet now, in the eleventh hour, when an +excellent opportunity presents itself for the accomplishment of that +object, you seek to dissuade me from my purpose. Have I entirely +mistaken your character? Are you really as weak-minded, and as devoid of +courage and spirit, as your language would seem to indicate? When that +young ruffian mutilated you in Philadelphia, didn't you consider that +you acted perfectly right? Well, this Livingston has destroyed the +happiness of my life, and transformed me from a lady of wealth into a +penniless beggar. Say does he not deserve to _die_?" + +"Why--yes," was my reluctant reply--"but then it seems too terrible to +go about the horrible business deliberately, and in cold blood." + +"He coolly and deliberately planned and effected the ruin of my peace, +happiness and fortune," rejoined Mrs. Raymond, in a tone of fixed +determination--"and it is therefore but just that he should be coolly +and deliberately slain. Once more, farewell; by everything sacred, I +swear that you shall not turn me from my purpose. My regard for you is +great--but, if you seek to detain me by force, your heart shall be made +acquainted with the point of my knife!" + +"I have no idea of using force," said I, reproachfully--"but, if I +_had_, no such threat as the one which you have just now made, would +deter me. Go, my friend, go--do as you will; but I will go with you, for +I swear that I will not leave you." + +This announcement deeply affected Mrs. Raymond, who embraced me and +begged my pardon for the language which she had used. + +"Forgive me, my best, my only friend," said she--"the loyalty and +devotion which you have always manifested towards me should have +prompted different expressions.--If you are _determined_ to accompany +me, and see me through this business, _follow me_." + +I obeyed, hoping to be able to prevent the perpetration of the terrible +deed which she meditated. + +She rang the bell at the door, which was opened by a servant. + +"I wish to see your master, instantly, on particular business," said the +disguised woman. + +"What name, sir?" demanded the servant. + +"It matters not. Say to Mr. Livingston that two gentlemen wish to see +him on business of the greatest importance." + +The servant disappeared, but soon returned, saying that she would +conduct us to her master. + +We followed her into a handsomely furnished library, where Mr. +Livingston was seated, looking over some letters. He glanced at us +carelessly, and said-- + +"Well, young gentlemen, what can I do for you to-day? Do you wish to +consult me on any matter of law? I am entirely at your service." + +It was evident that the villain did not recognize the woman whom he had +so basely wronged. + +Mrs. Raymond uttered not one single word, but, thrusting her hand into +her bosom, she slowly approached the author of her ruin, who still +continued to peruse his letters in entire unconsciousness of the +terrible danger that hung over him. + +I watched Mrs. Raymond with the closest attention, fully determined to +spring forward at the critical moment and prevent the desperate woman +from accomplishing her deadly purpose. + +It was a deeply interesting and thrilling scene, and one which I shall +never forget. There sat the intended victim, whose soul was hovering on +the awful precincts of an endless eternity; there stood the avenger of +her own wrongs, her right hand nervously grasping the hilt of the weapon +in her bosom, her face deadly pale, and her eyes flashing with wild +excitement. And there I stood, trembling with agitation, and ready to +spring forward at the proper time to prevent the consummation of a +bloody tragedy. + +Mr. Livingston suddenly looked up from his letters, and started when he +beheld the pale and wrathful countenance of Mrs. Raymond, whose eyes +were fixed upon him with an expression of the most deadly hatred. + +"Your face seems strongly familiar to me; have we not met before?" asked +Livingston. + +"Yes," calmly replied Mrs. Raymond--"we _have_ met before." + +"That voice!" cried the doomed villain--"surely I know it. Who are you, +and what want you with me?" + +"I am the victim of your treacherous villainy, and I want revenge!" +screamed Mrs. Raymond, as, with the quickness of lightning, and before I +could prevent her, she drew her weapon and plunged it into the heart of +Livingston, who fell from his chair to the floor and died instantly. + +"Now I am satisfied," said the woman, as she coolly wiped the blood from +the blade of her knife. + +Language cannot depict the horror which the contemplation of this bloody +deed caused within me. True, I had myself slain a human being--but then +it was done in self-defence, and amid all the heat and excitement of a +personal contest. _This_ deed, on the contrary, had been committed, +coolly and deliberately; and, although Mrs. Raymond's wrongs were +undoubtedly very great, I really could not find it in my heart to +justify her in what she had done. + +How bitterly I reproached myself for not having adopted some effectual +means of hindering the performance of that appalling deed, even at the +risk of incurring Mrs. Raymond's severe and eternal displeasure! I felt +myself to be in some measure an accessory to the crime; and I feared the +law would, at all events, consider me as such. + +"What is done cannot be helped now," said I to Mrs. Raymond, who stood +calmly surveying the body of her victim--"come let us leave the house +and seek safety in flight. We may possibly escape the consequence of +this bloody act." + +"No," said the woman--"_I_ shall not stir an inch. I have relieved the +world of a monster, and now I am ready to receive my reward, even if it +be the scaffold. But go, my friend--go, and secure your own safety." + +"No, I will not leave you, even if I have to share your fate," was my +reply. That was a very foolish determination, I admit; for how could my +remaining with her, do her any good? I was merely placing myself in a +position of the utmost peril. But I thought it wrong to desert Mrs. +Raymond in that dark and trying hour; and therefore, as she refused to +escape, I resolved to remain with her. + +Some one softly opened the door, and a female voice said-- + +"My dear, are you particularly engaged? May I come in?" + +Hearing no reply, the fair speaker entered with a smile on her rosy +lips. This lady was the newly-made wife of Livingston. She had been, of +course, in happy ignorance of his true character, and of the fact that +he was already the husband of several wives. + +On seeing us, she evinced surprise, for she knew not of her husband +having visitors. Suddenly, her eyes fell upon Livingston's bleeding +corpse, which lay upon the floor. On seeing this horrid spectacle, she +gave utterance to a piercing scream, and fell down insensible. + +That shrill, agonizing scream penetrated every part of the house, and +brought all the inmates to the library, to see what had happened. Horror +took possession of the group, as they gazed upon the awful scene. For a +few minutes, there reigned the most profound silence. This was at last +broken by one of the male servants, who demanded-- + +"Who has done this?" + +"I did it," replied Mrs. Raymond, calmly, "I alone am guilty. Here is +the weapon with which I did the deed. This young man here is entirely +innocent; he tried to prevent the act, but I was too quick for him. Let +me be conveyed at once to prison." + +Officers being sent for, soon arrived and took us both into custody, +notwithstanding the passionate protestations of Mrs. Raymond that I had +no hand whatever in the affair. + +"That must be shown to the satisfaction of higher authorities than we +are," said one of the officers. "At all events, it is our duty to secure +this young man as a witness. If he is innocent, he will doubtless be +able to prove it." + +Half an hour afterwards, I was an inmate of the Pittsburg jail, in an +apartment adjoining that occupied by Mrs. Raymond, whose real sex still +remained undiscovered. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +_An Escape, and a Triumph._ + + +After a few weeks' incarceration, Mrs. Raymond, in accordance with my +advice, made known the secret of her sex to the chief officer of the +prison, to whom she also communicated the great wrongs which she had +suffered at the hand of Livingston. The officer, who was a good and +humane man, was deeply affected by this narrative. He immediately placed +Mrs. Raymond in a more comfortable room and caused her to be provided +with an abundance of female garments, which she now resumed. Her story, +of course, was given in all the newspapers; and it excited the deepest +sympathy in her behalf. One editor boldly asserted that no jury could be +found to convict the fair prisoner under the circumstances. As regarded +my case, the propriety of my immediate discharge from custody was +strongly urged, an opinion in which I fully concurred. + +I shall dwell upon these matters as briefly as possible. I was first +brought to trial, and the jury acquitted me without leaving their seats; +Mrs. Raymond was merely convicted of manslaughter in the fourth degree, +so great was the sympathy that existed in her behalf, and the judge +sentenced her to be imprisoned during the term of two years. Although I +considered her particularly fortunate in receiving a punishment so +comparatively light, I resolved to effect her liberation in some way or +other. + +I may as well here remark that the last wife and victim of Livingston +never survived the blow. She soon died of a broken heart. + +My first step was to repair to Harrisburg, the capitol city of the +State, in order to solicit Mrs. Raymond's pardon from Governor Porter, +who was renowned, and by some parties strongly condemned, for his +constant willingness to bestow executive clemency upon prisoners +convicted of the most serious offences.[K] I easily obtained an +interview with his Excellency, whom I found to be a very clever sort of +personage. Having made known my errand, and related all the particulars +of Mrs. Raymond's case, I urged her claims to mercy with all the +eloquence of which I was master. + +The Governor listened to me with attention; and, when I had concluded, +he said-- + +"My inclination strongly prompts me to pardon this most unfortunate +lady; but I have recently pardoned so many convicted prisoners, that the +press and the people generally are down on me, and I really dare not +grant any more pardons at present. I will, however, commute the lady's +sentence from two years to one." + +With this partial concession I was obliged to be contented. The +necessary documents were made out, and with them I posted back to +Pittsburg. When I entered the cell of my fair friend and told her what I +had effected in her behalf, she burst into tears of gratitude and joy. +One long year taken off her sentence, was certainly something worth +considering. + +"Courage, my friend!" said I, "even if you are obliged to serve out the +remnant of your sentence, which I trust will not be the case, a year +will soon pass away. I shall not leave Pittsburg until you are free. You +will see me often; and I will take care that you are abundantly provided +with everything that can contribute to your comfort. Keep up a good +heart; you have at least one friend who will never desert you." + +Three months passed away, during which time I gained an excellent +subsistence by writing for various newspapers and magazines. Three times +every week I had an interview with Mrs. Raymond, whom I caused to be +supplied with every comfort and luxury as allowed by the rules of the +prison. She had just nine months to serve, when one day I was +unexpectedly enabled to effect her liberation in the following manner. + +I had called upon her, as usual. After an interview of about half an +hour's duration, I bade her adieu and left her apartment. To gain the +street, it was necessary to pass through the office of the prison. In +that office were generally seated three or four turnkeys, one of whom +always went and locked Mrs. Raymond's door after my leaving her. + +Upon entering the office on the occasion to which I now refer, I found +but one turnkey there, and he was _fast asleep_. I instantly resolved to +take advantage of the lucky circumstance which good fortune had thrown +in my way. + +Hastening back to Mrs. Raymond's cell, I briefly told her the state of +affairs and bade her follow me. She obeyed, as might be supposed, +without much reluctance. We passed through the office and out into the +street; but, before departing, I transferred the key from the inside to +the outside of the door and locked the sleeping turnkey in, so that +there could be no possibility of his immediately pursuing us, when he +should awaken and discover the flight of his prisoner. + +I was tolerably well furnished with cash, and my fair friend, at my +suggestion, purchased an elegant bonnet and shawl--for, it will be +remembered, she had resumed the garments appropriate to the female sex. +As for myself, I was exceedingly well dressed, and no alteration in my +costume was necessary, in order to present a respectable appearance. + +I entertained no serious apprehensions of any great effort being made to +capture the fugitive, she having had but nine months to serve, and being +therefore a person of but little importance when viewed as a prisoner. +Moreover, I hoped that the kind-hearted chief officer of the prison +would charitably refrain from making any extraordinary exertions in the +matter. But these considerations did not prevent me from exercising a +reasonable degree of caution. + +We left Pittsburg that evening, for Philadelphia, where we arrived in +due season. I immediately sought and procured employment as a writer, at +a liberal salary. A few days after our arrival in Philadelphia, Mrs. +Raymond said to me-- + +"My dear friend, I am not going to remain a burden to you. Listen to the +plan which I have to propose. I think of going upon the stage." + +"What, and becoming an actress?" + +"Yes. I flatter myself that my voice and figure are both passable; and I +really think that I possess some talent for the theatrical profession. A +respectable actress always receives a good salary. If the plan meets +with your approbation, I shall place myself under the tuition of some +competent teacher; and my _debut_ shall be made as soon as advisable." + +I did not attempt to dissuade Mrs. Raymond from carrying out this plan, +which I thought, in fact, to be a very excellent idea. Once successfully +brought out upon the stage, she would have a profession which would be +to her an unfailing means of support. + +According to the best of my judgment, she possessed every mental and +physical qualification necessary to constitute a good actress. Beautiful +and sprightly, talented and accomplished--possessing, too, the most +exquisite taste and skill as a vocalist and musician, I saw no reason +why she should not succeed upon the stage as well, and far better, than +many women a thousand times less talented. Therefore, encouraged by my +cordial approbation of her plan, and acting in accordance with my +recommendation, the fair aspirant to dramatic honors placed herself +under the instructions of a popular and well-known actor, who was fully +capable of the task which he had undertaken. + +A few months passed away, and my fair friend announced herself as being +nearly in readiness to make her first appearance. I was delighted with +the rapid and satisfactory progress which she had made. The recitations +with which she occasionally favored me, were delivered in the highest +style of the elocutionary art, and convinced me that she was destined to +meet with the most unbounded success. + +She proposed making her _debut_ as _Beatrice_, in Shakespeare's glorious +comedy, "Much Ado About Nothing,"--a character well calculated to +display her arch vivacity and charming sprightliness. I saw her rehearse +the part, and was satisfied that she _must_ achieve a brilliant +triumph,--an opinion that was fully concurred in by her gratified +instructor, and also by the manager and several of the leading actors +and actresses of the theatre. + +The eventful evening came at last, and the house was crowded in every +part. Seating myself in a private box in company with the actor who had +instructed Mrs. Raymond, I awaited her appearance with the utmost +confidence. The curtain arose, and the play commenced. When _Beatrice_ +came on, a perfect storm of applause saluted her. Her appearance, in her +elegant and costly stage costume, was really superb. Perfectly +self-possessed, and undaunted by the sea of faces spread out before her, +she went on with her part, and was frequently interrupted by deafening +shouts of approval. The _Benedict_ of the evening being a very fine +actor, and the _Dogberry_ being as funny a dog as ever created a broad +grin or a hearty laugh--the entire comedy passed off in the most +admirable manner; and, at its conclusion, my fair friend being loudly +called for, she was led out in front of the curtain by _Benedict_. A +shower of bouquets now saluted her; and, having gracefully acknowledged +the kindness of the audience, she retired. + +This decided success caused the manager to engage Mrs. Raymond at a +liberal salary. She subsequently appeared with equal success in a round +of the best characters; and the press, and every tongue, became eloquent +in her praise. She was now in a fair way to acquire a fortune as great +as the one which she had lost through the villainy of Livingston. + +Thinking her worthy of a higher position than that of a mere stock +actress, I advised her, after a year's sojourn in Philadelphia, to +travel as a _star_. To this she eagerly assented, and accordingly I +accompanied her to New York, where she was immediately engaged by the +late Thomas S. Hamblin, of the Bowery Theatre.[L] Her success at this +popular establishment was unprecedented in the annals of dramatic +triumphs. Night after night was she greeted by crowded, enthusiastic and +enraptured audiences. In short, she became one of the most celebrated +actresses of the day. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[K] It is related of Governor Porter as an illustration of his pardoning +propensities, that once, after his term of office had expired, a +gentleman accidentally ran against him in the street. "I beg your +pardon," said the gentleman. "I cannot grant it," said Mr. Porter, "for +I am no longer Governor." + +[L] I have not, for reasons that will be easily understood, given the +name which Mrs. Raymond assumed, after her adoption of the dramatic +profession. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +_An accident--a suicide--and a change of residence._ + + +A dreadful accident abruptly terminated Mrs. Raymond's brilliant +professional career. One night, while she was dressing in her private +room at the theatre, a camphene lamp exploded and her face was +shockingly burned. Her beauty was destroyed forever, and her career +upon the stage was ended. Thus was the public deprived of a most +delightful source of entertainment, and thus was a popular actress +thrown out of the profession just as she had reached the pinnacle of +fame, and just as she was in a fair way to acquire a handsome fortune. + +It would be impossible for me to describe the grief, consternation and +horror of the unfortunate lady, on account of this melancholy accident. +In vain did I attempt to console her, she refused to be comforted. She +abandoned herself to despair; and I caused her to be closely and +constantly watched, fearing that she might attempt to commit suicide. + +The play-going public soon found a new idol, and poor Mrs. Raymond was +forgotten. Her face was terribly disfigured, and it was very fortunate +that her sight was not destroyed. When she became well enough, she +endeavored to gain a situation as a teacher of music; but she was +unceremoniously rejected by every person to whom she applied, on account +of the repulsiveness of her countenance. This of course, still further +increased the dark despair that overshadowed her soul. + +"My friend," said she to me one day, "I shall not long survive this +terrible misfortune. My heart is breaking, and death will ere long put +an end to my sufferings." + +"Come, come," said I, "where is your philosophy? Have you not passed +through trials as great as this? While there is life, there is hope; and +you will be happy yet." + +I uttered these commonplace expressions because I knew not what else to +say. Mrs. Raymond replied, with a mournful smile-- + +"Ah! with all your knowledge of the world, you know not how a woman +feels when she has been suddenly deprived of her beauty. The miser who +loses his wealth--the fond mother from whom death snatches away her +darling child; these bereaved ones do not feel their losses more acutely +than does a once lovely woman feel the loss of her charms. Do not talk +to me of philosophy, for such language is mockery." + +I visited my unfortunate and no longer fair friend very often, but all +my attempts to cheer her up signally failed. She persisted in declaring +that she was not long for this world; and I began to believe so myself, +for she failed rapidly. I saw that she was provided with every comfort; +but alas! happiness was beyond her reach forever. + +One evening I set out to pay her a visit. On my arrival at the house in +which she had taken apartments, the landlady informed me that she had +not seen Mrs. Raymond during the whole of that day. + +"It is very singular," remarked the woman, "I knocked five or six times +at the door of her chamber, but she gave me no answer, although I know +she has not gone out." + +These words caused a dreadful misgiving to seize me. Fearing that +something terrible had happened, I rushed up stairs, and knocked loudly +upon the door of Mrs. Raymond's chamber. No answer being returned, I +burst open the door, and my worst fears were realized, for there, upon +the floor lay the lifeless form of that most unfortunate woman. She had +committed suicide by taking arsenic. + +This dreadful event afflicted me more deeply than any other occurrence +of my life. I had become attached to Mrs. Raymond on account of a +certain congeniality of disposition between us. We had travelled far +together, and shared great dangers. That was another link to bind us +together. Besides I admired her for her talent, and more particularly +for her heroic resolution. She was, altogether, a most extraordinary +woman, and, under the circumstances, it was no wonder that her tragical +end should have caused within me a feeling of the most profound sorrow. + +Having followed her remains to their last resting-place, I did something +that I was very accustomed to do--I sat down to indulge in a little +serious reflection, the result of which was that I determined to go to +Boston, for New York had become wearisome to me. Besides, I knew that +Boston was the grand storehouse of American literature--the "Athens of +America," and I doubted not my ability to achieve both fame and money +there. + +To Boston I accordingly went. On the first day of my arrival, I crossed +over to Charlestown for the purpose of viewing the Bunker Hill Monument. +Having satisfied my curiosity, I strolled into a printing office, fell +into conversation with the proprietor, and the result was that I found +myself engaged at a moderate salary to edit and take the entire charge +of a long-established weekly newspaper of limited circulation, entitled +the "Bunker Hill Aurora and Boston Mirror." This journal soon began to +increase both in reputation and circulation, for I filled it with good +original tales and with sprightly editorials. Yet no credit was awarded +to me, for my name never appeared in connection with my productions, and +people imagined that W----, the proprietor, was the author of the +improvements which had taken place. + +"Egad!" the subscribers to the _Aurora_ would say--"old W---- has waked +up at last. His paper is now full of tip-top reading, whereas it was +formerly not worth house-room!" + +How many instances of this kind have I seen--of writers toiling with +their pens and brains for the benefit and credit of ungrateful wretches +without intellect, or soul, or honor, or common humanity! Charlestown is +probably the meanest and most contemptible place in the whole +universe--totally unfit to be the dwelling-place of any man who calls +himself _white_. The inhabitants all belong to the _Paul Pry_ family. A +stranger goes among them, and forthwith inquisitive whispers concerning +him begin to float about like feathers in the air. "Who is he? What is +he? Where did he come from? What's his business? _Has he got any money?_ +(Great emphasis is laid on this question.) Is he married, or single? +What are his habits? Is he a temperance man? Does he smoke--does he +drink--does he chew? Does he go to meeting on Sundays? What religious +denomination does he belong to? What are his politics? Does he use +profane language? What time does he go to bed--and what time does he get +up? Wonder what he had for dinner to-day?" &c., &c., &c. + +During my residence in Charlestown, where I lived three years, I became +acquainted with the celebrated editor and wit, Corporal Streeter, who +was my next-door neighbor. I dwelt, by the way, in an old-fashioned +house situated on Wood street. Two ancient pear trees sadly waved their +branches in front of the house, and they are still there, unless some +despoiling hand has cut them down--which Heaven forbid! If ever I +re-visit that place, I shall gaze with reverence at the old house--for +in it I passed some of the happiest days of my life. The antique edifice +I christened "The Hermitage." The squalling cats of that neighborhood +afforded me a fine opportunity for pistol practice. + +At the end of three years, I had a slight "misunderstanding" with Mr. +W----, the proprietor of the Aurora, one of the most stupendously mean +men it was ever my misfortune to encounter. He was worthy of being the +owner of the only newspaper in Charlestown, alias, "Hogtown." Having +civilly requested Mr. W---- to go to the devil at his earliest +convenience, I left him and his rookery in disgust, and shifted my +quarters over to Boston. + +Here I engaged largely in literary pursuits, and began to write a series +of novels. These were well received by the public, as every Bostonian +will recollect. + +In my next chapter, I shall tell the reader how a gentleman got into +difficulties. + + + + +CHAPTER X + +_Six weeks in Leverett Street Jail._ + + +A popular actor who was a personal friend of mine[M] took a farewell +benefit at the National Theatre. At his invitation, and just before the +close of the evening's performances, I attempted to enter the stage door +for his purpose of seeing him in his dressing-room, as he intended to +sup with me and several friends. A half-drunken Irishman attached to the +stage department in some menial capacity, stopped me and insolently +ordered me out. I treated the Greek, of course, with the contempt which +he merited, whereupon he called another overgrown bog-trotter to his +assistance, and the twain forthwith attacked me with great fury. Finding +myself in danger of receiving rather rough treatment, I drew a small +pocket pistol and aimed at their shins, being determined that one of +them, at least, should hobble around upon crutches for a short time. The +cap on the pistol, however, refused to explode, and the two vagabonds +immediately caused me to be arrested, charging me with "assault and +battery with the intent to kill!" I was forthwith accommodated with a +private apartment in Leverett Street jail, where I remained six weeks, +during which time I enjoyed myself tolerably well, being amply provided +with good dinners, not prison fare, but from the outside, candles, +newspapers, books, writing materials, &c. During my imprisonment, I +wrote "The Gay Deceiver," and "Venus in Boston." My next door neighbor +was no less a personage than Dr. John W. Webster, who was afterwards +executed for the murder of Dr. Parkman. Webster was a great glutton, and +thought of nothing but his stomach, even up to the very hour of his +death. On account of his "position in society," (!) every officer of the +prison became his waiter; and a certain ruffianly turnkey, who was in +the habit of abusing poor prisoners in the most outrageous manner, would +fawn to the Doctor like a hungry dog to a benevolent butcher. + +Webster was very polite to me, frequently sending me books and +newspapers--favors which I as often reciprocated. He once sent me a jar +of preserves, a box of sardines and a bottle of wine. The latter gift I +highly appreciated, wines and liquors of every kind being prohibited +luxuries. That night I became very happy and jovial; but I did not leave +the house. + +Dr. Webster was confident of being acquitted; but the result proved how +terribly he was mistaken. Probably, in the annals of criminal +jurisprudence, there never was seen a more striking instance of equal +and exact justice, than was afforded by the trial, conviction and +execution of John W. Webster. Money, influential friends, able counsel, +prayers, petitions, the _prestige_ of a scientific reputation failed to +save him from that fate which he merited as well as if he had been the +most obscure individual in existence. + +After six weeks imprisonment, I was brought to trial before Chief +Justice Wells. I was defended by a very tolerable lawyer, to whom I paid +twenty-five dollars in consideration of his conversing five minutes with +a jury of my peers, the said jury consisting of twelve hungry +individuals who wanted to go out to dinner. When my legal adviser had +made a few well-meaning remarks, the jury retired to talk the matter +over among themselves; and, after about fifteen minutes absence, they +returned and expressed their opinion that I was "not guilty." This +opinion induced me to believe that they were very sensible fellows +indeed. Not for a moment did I think of demanding a new trial; that +would have been impertinent, as doubting the sagacity of the jury. My +two Irish prosecutors left the court-room in a rage; and two more +chop-fallen disappointed and mortified Greeks were never seen. The Judge +took his departure, the spectators dispersed, and I crossed the street +and dined sumptuously at Parker's, with a large party of friends. + +Very many of my Boston readers will remember a long series of articles +which I wrote and published about that time, in the columns of one of +the newspapers, entitled "Mysteries of Leverett Street Jail." In those +sketches I gave the arrangements of the Jail, and its officers, +"particular fits;" and the manner in which the fellows writhed under the +inflictions, was a caution to petty tyrants generally. The startling +revelations which I made created great excitement throughout the whole +community; and I have good reason to believe that those exposures were +the means of producing a far better state of affairs in the interior of +the "stone jug." + +I have thus, very briefly, given the extent of my experience with +reference to the old Leverett Street Jail. Unlawful ladies and gentlemen +are now accommodated in an elegant establishment in Cambridge street, +for the old Jail has been levelled to the ground to make room for +"modern improvements."--I visited it just before the commencement of its +destruction, and gazed at my old apartment "more in sorrow than in +anger." There were my name and a few verses, which I had written upon +the wall. There was the rude table, upon which I had penned two novels, +which, from their tone, seem rather to have emanated from a gilded +_boudoir_. There, too, in the grated window, was a little flower-pot in +which I had cultivated a solitary plant. That poor plant had withered +and died long ago, for the prisoners who succeeded me probably had no +taste for such "trash." I took and carefully preserved the dead remains +of my floral favorite--"for," said I to myself--"they will serve to +remind me of a dark spot in my existence." + +And now, with the reader's permission, I will turn to matters of a more +cheerful character. + +FOOTNOTES: + +[M] I allude to Mr. W.G. Jones, now deceased. + + + + +CHAPTER XI + +"_The Uncles and Nephews._" + + +Ring up the curtain! Room there for the Boston Players. Let them +approach our presence, not as they appear upon the stage, in rouge, and +spangles, and wigs, and calves and cotton pad; but as they look in broad +daylight, or in the bar-room when the play is over, arrayed in garments +of a modern date, wearing their own personal faces, swearing their own +private oaths, and drinking real malt out of honest pewter, instead of +imbibing dusty atmosphere from pasteboard goblets. Room, I say! + +There is an intimate connection between the press and the stage, that is +a congeniality of character, habit, taste, feeling and disposition, +between the writer and the actor. The press and the stage are, in a +measure, dependent on each other. The newspaper looks to the theatre for +light, racy and readable items, with which to adorn its columns, like +festoons of flowers gracefully hung around columns of marble. The +theatre looks to the newspaper for impartial criticisms and laudatory +notices. Show me a convivial party of actors, and I will swear there are +at least two or three professional writers among them. I know many +actors who are practical printers, fellows who can wield a +composing-stick as deftly as a fighting sword. Long life and prosperity +to the whole of them, say I; and bless them for a careless, happy, +pleasure-loving, bill-hating and beer-imbibing race of men. Amen. + +There is one point of resemblance between the hero of the sock and +buskin and the Knight of the quill. The former dresses up his person and +adopts the language of another, in order to represent a certain +character; the latter clothes his ideas in an appropriate garb of words, +and puts sentiments in the mouths of his characters which are not always +his own. But I was speaking of the Boston Players. + +Admitting the foregoing argument to be correct, it is not to be wondered +at that I became extensively acquainted among the members of the +theatrical profession. My name was upon the free list of every theatre +in the city; and every night I visited one or more of the houses--not to +see the play, but to chat in the saloons with the actors and literary +people who in those places most did congregate. After the play was over, +we all used to assemble in an ale-house near the principal theatre; and +daylight would often surprise us in the midst of our "devotions." A +curious mixed-up set we were to be sure! I will try to recollect the +most prominent members of our club. First of all there was the +argumentative and positive Jim Prior, who might properly be regarded as +President of the club. Then came H.W. Fenno, Esq., the gentlemanly +Treasurer of the National. He, however, seldom tarried after having +once "put the party through." The eccentric "Old Spear" was generally +present, seated in an obscure corner smoking a solitary cigar. Comical +S.D. Johnson and his hopeful son George were usually on hand to enliven +the scene; and so was Jim Ring, alias J. Henry, the best negro +performer, next to Daddy Rice, in the United States. Chunkey Monroe, who +did the villains at the National; and, towering above him might be seen +his cousin, Lengthy Monroe, who enacted the hard old codgers at the same +establishment. That fine fellow, Ned Sandford, must not be forgotten; +neither must Sam Lake, the clever little dancer. Rube Meer was +invariably to be found in company with a pot of malt; and he was usually +assisted by P. Jones, a personage who never allowed himself to be funny +until he had consumed four pints. Charley Saunders, the comedian and +dramatist, the author of "Rosina Meadows" and many other popular +plays--kept the "table in a roar," by his wit and also by his +excruciatingly bad puns. Bird, of "Pea-nut Palace" notoriety, held forth +in nasal accents to Bill Colwell, the husband of the pretty and +accomplished Anna Cruise. Big Sam Johnson, a heavy actor, a gallant +Hibernian and a splendid fellow, discussed old Jamaica with his friend +and boon companion, Sam Palmer, alias "Chucks." The mysterious Frank +Whitman captures his brother-actor at the Museum, Jack Adams, and +imprisoning him in a corner from which there was no escape, imparts to +him the most tremendous secrets. Ned Wilkings--one of the best reporters +in the city--tells the last "funny thing" to John Young; while Joe +Bradley, proprietor of the Mail, touches glasses with Jim McKinney. +Meanwhile, the two waiters, Handiboe and Abbott, circulate around with +the greatest activity, fetching on the liquors and removing the dirty +glasses, from which they slyly contrive to drain a few drops now and +then, for their bodily refreshment. As an instance of the "base uses" to +which genius may "come at last," I will state that Handiboe, whom we now +find in such a menial position, was once quite a literary character; +while poor Abbott, to whom I now throw a few small coins in charity, was +a setter of type. The rest of the party is made up of Pete Cunningham, +Sam Glenn, Bill Dimond, Jim Brand, Bill Donaldson, Dan Townsend, Jack +Weaver, Cal Smith, and a host of others whom it would puzzle the very +devil himself to remember. + +Such was the "Uncle and Nephew Club," of which I had the honor to be a +prominent member. Almost every man belonging to it was a wit, a punster +or a humorist of some kind; and I will venture to say, that had some +industrious individual taken the pains to preserve and publish one-half +the good things that were said at our meetings, a large volume might be +formed that would be no contemptible specimen of genius. Whenever a +member had the audacity to perpetrate some shocking bad pun, and such +enormities were frequent, the offender was sentenced to undergo some +ludicrous punishment; and the utmost good-humor and hilarity always +prevailed. + +I will now relate a rather amusing adventure in which I participated +with others of the "Uncles and Nephews." + +One night we were assembled, as usual, at our head-quarters. The Fourth +of July was to "come off" the next day, and we determined to have some +fun. Accordingly, a couple of stout messengers were despatched to the +theatre, armed with the necessary authority and keys, and they soon +returned laden with dresses from the wardrobe. These garments the party +proceeded to assume; and we were quickly transformed into as +picturesque-looking a crowd as any that ever figured at a masquerade +ball. As for myself, I made a very tolerable representation of Falstaff; +while Richard, Othello, Macbeth, Hamlet, Shylock, and other gentlemen of +Shakespeare's creation, gave variety to the procession. Then there was a +clown in full circus costume, accompanied by Harlequin in his glittering +shape-dress. We sadly longed for a sprightly Columbine; but then we +consoled ourselves with Pantaloon, admirably rendered by P. Jones. + +Our "music" consisted of a bass-drum, which was tortured by the clown; a +fish-horn beautifully played upon by Sam Palmer; a dinner-bell whose din +was extracted by Jack Adams. Having formed the procession on the +side-walk, the music struck up, and we marched. + +Our first halting-place was at the saloon of Peter Brigham, at the head +of Hanover street. Here we filed in, and great excitement did our +extraordinary appearance create. A mob soon collected before the door, +attracted by our grotesque costumes as well as by the infernal noise of +our "musical" instruments, upon which we continued to perform with +undiminished vigor. Peter Brigham was in agonies, and rushed about the +saloon like an insane fly in a tar barrel. The frightened waiters +abandoned their posts and fled. The mob outside cheered vociferously; +and Harlequin began to belabor poor Pantaloon with his gilded lath to +the immense amusement of the spectators. + +Peter Brigham at length mounted a chair, and said-- + +"Gentlemen, will you hear me? (Hoarse growl from the bass-drum.) I +cannot suffer this noise and racket to go on in my house. (Blast of +defiance from the fish-horn.) You know I have always tried to keep a +decent and respectable place. (Peal of sarcastic laughter from the +dinner bell.) I have a proposition to make.--(Hear! hear!) If you will +promise to leave the house quietly, I will treat you all to as much +champagne as you can drink." (Yell of acceptance from the bass-drum, +fish-horn and dinner-bell! Great excitement generally.) + +The wine was produced, and the facility with which it was disposed of, +caused Mr. Brigham to stare. He endured its consumption, however, with +the most philosophical fortitude, until we began to drink toasts, make +speeches, and exhibit other indications of a design on our part to +"tarry yet awhile." Peter then reminded us of our promise; and, as +gentlemen of honor, we fulfilled the same by immediately falling into +procession and marching out of the saloon. Away we went down Hanover +street, followed by the admiring and hooting crowd. We entered the +establishment of Theodore Johnson, and were hospitably received by the +prince of good fellows, who, assisted by Chris Anderson, "did the +honors" with the utmost liberality. Sam Palmer and P. Jones, here +favored the company with a broad-sword combat; after which I, as +Falstaff, gave a few recitations--the performances concluded with Abbott +as _Jocks_, the Brazilian ape. Our next visit was to the Pemberton +House, then under the control of Uriah W. Carr, a very small man, both +physically and morally. Uriah received us very churlishly, and +peremptorily refused to "come down" with the hospitality of the season. +He was particularly down on me for having once written and published +some verses concerning him. The following is all that I can recollect of +that interesting production:-- + + "Tis comical, indeed it is + To see him mix a punch-- + He puts two drops of liquor in, + And then he eyes the _lunch_; + He struts about most pompously, + Then stands before the fire, + Just like a little bantam-cock, + This comical Uriah!" + +Inasmuch as Uriah refused to bring on the "bush" for either love or +money, we determined to help ourselves. Therefore, every man appointed +himself a bar-keeper _pro tem_. Wines, liquors and cigars were disposed +of with marvelous celerity, and poor little Uriah danced about and tore +his hair in the agony of his spirits. Meanwhile, a large number of +actors and others, boarding at the Pemberton, joined us, being ushered +in by Charles Dibden Pitt, a performer of great elegance and power, then +playing a brilliant star engagement--at the Museum. This gentleman is +decidedly "one of the boys," and goes in for a "good time." At his +suggestion, a committee was appointed to descend to the kitchen and +bring up provisions. Ned Abbot and Bill Ball performed this duty in the +most admirable and satisfactory manner. They departed for the lower +regions, and soon returned laden both with substantials and delicacies. +Then, such a feast!--or, rather, such a banquet! Champagne flowed like +water, for we had discovered a closet filled with baskets of the foaming +beverage. The whole company was of course soon in a state of glorious +elevation. The song and jest went round unceasingly, and peals of jovial +laughter trooped away like merry elves upon the midnight air. We were in +excellent humor to adopt the prayer of the following who said-- + + "Oh, let us linger late to-night, + Nor part while wit and song are bright; + And, Joshua, make the sun stand still, + That we of joy may have our fill!" + +There was one gentleman who refused to participate in the festivities of +the occasion. This was little Uriah, the landlord, who gazed upon the +progress of the banquet with a troubled brow; yet he did not dare to +openly remonstrate, through fear of offending Mr. Pitt, and other +valuable boarders. + +Unfortunately for the harmony of the festival, a party of drunken +students from Cambridge dropped in, and I instantly saw that a row was +inevitable. After unceremoniously helping themselves to drink, the +students gazed at our strange-looking company superciliously, and one of +them remarked with a sneer-- + +"What fools are these, dressed up in this absurd manner? Oh, they must +be monkies, the property of some enterprising organ-grinder. Let them +dance before me, for my soul is heavy, and I would be gay!" + +Here little Billy Eaton, the writer, who was one of our party, fired up +and obligingly offered to fight and whip the man with the heavy soul, +for and in consideration of the trifling sum of one cent. This handsome +offer was accepted; but, before the gentlemen could strip for the +combat, a general collision took place between all the hostile parties. +Chairs were brandished, canes were flourished and decanters were hurled, +to the great destruction of mirrors and other fragile property. The bar +was overturned, and the din of battle was awful to hear. Notwithstanding +the uproar and confusion that prevailed, I could not help noticing poor +Uriah, who, in the dimly-lighted hall, was quietly dancing an insane +polka, accompanying his movements by low howls of despair. The little +man had temporarily lost his few wits, that was plain. The combat raged +with undiminished fury. Our clown attacked a student with his bass-drum, +one end of which burst in, imprisoning the representative of the seat of +learning, who found it impossible to extricate himself from his musical +predicament. Sam Palmer, with his fish-horn, did tremendous execution; +while Jack Adams was equally effective with his dinner-bell which, at +every blow, sounded forth a note of warning. The heroic P. Jones +performed prodigies of valor, and covered himself with glory. This +wonderful young man, having planted himself behind a rampart of chairs, +placed himself in the position of a pugilistic frog, and boldly defied +his enemies to "come on and be punched." At the commencement of the +fight, Abbott coiled himself up under the table, and was seen no more; +while Handiboe fled for safety to the cole-hole. The battle was at its +height, and the bird of victory seemed about to perch upon the banner of +the "Uncles and Nephews," when some reckless, hardened individual turned +off the gas, thus producing total darkness. This made matters ten times +worse than ever, for it was impossible to distinguish friends from foes. +Suddenly, in rushed a posse of watchmen, headed by the renowned Marshal +Tukey, and bearing torches. Many of the combatants were arrested, and +but few contrived to make their escape. I had the honor of figuring +among the unlucky ones; and, with my companions passed the night in +durance vile. In the morning, when day light feebly penetrated our +gloomy dungeon, what a strange-looking spectacle presented itself! +Stretched upon the floor in every imaginable picturesque attitude, were +about a score of men, the majority of them arrayed in the soiled and +torn theatrical dresses. These unhappy individuals afforded a most +melancholy sight, as many of them had black eyes, bruised noses and +battered visages. + +"D----d pretty fools we've made of ourselves," said Macbeth, one of +whose optics had been highly discolored. + +"Yes," groaned Othello, whose black eyes were only partially concealed +by the yellow color which he had smeared over his face--"and here we are +in the jug, where we shall be compelled to remain all day, and lose all +the fun of the Fourth of July." + +"That isn't the worst of it," sighed Hamlet, whose royal frontispiece +had received severe damage--"I am on the bills to play twice this +afternoon and once this evening, and my being absent will cause me to be +_forfeited_, if not discharged. D----n those college students! What the +devil became of them? They all got clear, I suppose." + +"No," said I--"they are in a separate apartment. Of course the officers +would not put them in with us, for that would be encouraging a renewal +of the fight." + +"My head aches horribly," remarked Richard, Duke of Gloster--"I would +give my kingdom for a drink!" + +"And I," observed Shylock--"would like a pound of flesh, providing it +were beefsteak, for I am almost famished." + +"Hah! what a hog!" growled Cardinal Richelieu, one side of whose face +had been "cove in" most dreadfully--"to think of _eating_ at such a time +as this!" + +"Hark," said Claude Melnott, whose handsome countenance had been knocked +completely out of shape, and who looked as if he had just returned from +the wars rather the worse for wear; "hark! Don't you hear the sound of +artillery, and of music? The ceremonies and festivities of the glorious +day have commenced. Would to Heaven that I were with Pauline, in our +palace on the lake of Como!" + +"Dry up, you fool!" angrily exclaimed the aged and venerable King Lear, +whose nasal organ exhibited signs of its having sustained a violent +contusion--"I haven't closed an eye during the whole night, and now you +keep me awake with your infernal jabbering. Shut up, I say!" + +"Oh, shut up be blowed!" said P. Jones--"how can a man shut up when he +thinks of the good _budge_ (rum) he loses by being shut up here? Rube +Meer, isn't this too bad?" + +"Worse than the time when I sent on a fishing excursion with Jim Morse," +groaned poor Rube, as he fumbled in his pocket for a match with which to +light his pipe, "has anybody got a rope with which a fellow could +contrive to hang himself?" + +"I say, Jack Adams," said Sam Palmer, who was dressed as Don Caesar de +Bezas, "what will Harry Smith and old Kimball say, when we don't make +our appearance to-day, the busiest day in the whole year?" + +"I care not," replied Jack, as he fondly pressed the portrait of his +Katy to his lips, "so long as this blessed consolation is left me, the +world may do its worst! Frown on, ye fiends of misfortune! I defy ye +all, so long as my Katy Darling remains but true!" + +"That's the one!" shouted the bold Dick Brown, as "usher" at the +National Theatre, "let us have the song of Katy Darling, and all join in +the chorus." + +This was done; and from the depths of that gloomy dungeon rolled forth +the words, in tones of thunder-- + + "Did they tell thee I was false, Katy Darling?" + +Suddenly, to our great joy, the ponderous iron door of the dungeon was +unlocked and thrown open, and an officer announced that he had orders to +release us all, provided that we would engage to satisfy the landlord of +the Pemberton House for the damage he had sustained. This we of course +agreed to do, it being understood that the college students should be +compelled to pay one-half the amount, which was certainly no more than +right, as they had perpetrated half the damage, and had commenced the +row in the first place. The landlord having received sufficient +security that his damages would be made whole, we were all set at +liberty, to our most intense delight, for we had anticipated being +imprisoned during the whole of that glorious day. + +We left the house of bondage, and, as we passed through the already +crowded streets, our fantastic dresses and strange appearance generally, +collected a mob at our heels, which, in broad daylight, was certainly +rather annoying. However, we soon reached the theatre, and resumed our +own proper habiliments. + +It was announced upon the bills of the theatre that a certain actor +would that evening deliver an original Fourth of July poem. That poem I +had engaged to write, yet not a single line had I committed to paper. +The actor was in a terrible quandary, and swore that his failure to +recite the poem, as announced, would render him unpopular with the +public and ruin him forever. Telling him to keep cool and call again in +two hours, I sat down to my writing-desk and dashed off a poem of +considerable length. My pen flew with the rapidity of lightning, words +and ideas crowded upon me in overwhelming numbers, and in three-quarters +of an hour my work was done! I sent for the actor who was astonished at +the brief space of time in which I had performed the task. Having heard +me read the poem, he declared himself to be delighted with it; and, with +all due humility and modesty, I must say that the production did possess +considerable merit. I had avoided the usual stereotyped allusions to the +"star spangled banner," to the "Ameri-eagle," to the "blood of our +forefathers," &c.;--and had dwelt principally upon the sublime moral +spectacle afforded by an oppressed people arising in their might to +throw off the yoke of bondage and assert their independence as a nation. +The actor soon committed the poem to memory; and, having rehearsed it +over to me and found himself perfect, he departed. That night he recited +it from the stage to a dense audience; and, during its delivery and at +its conclusion, I had the satisfaction of listening to the most +delicious music that an author's ears can ever know, the clapping of +hands, and deafening peals of applause. + + + + +CONCLUSION + +_My Parting Bow._ + + +Several years have passed since the date of the events last narrated. +Those years have been crowded with adventures full as extraordinary as +those already detailed; but alas! neither time nor space will at +present, admit of my giving them to the public. Perhaps, at some future +time, I may make up for this deficiency, if my life is spared. + +The reader may rest assured of one thing:--that _not one single word of +fiction or exaggeration has been introduced into these pages_. Why +should I wander in the realms of romance, when there are more startling +facts at my command than I can possibly make use of? Is not truth +stranger than fiction? Every day's experience proves such to be the +case. + +I cannot close up these pages without availing myself of the opportunity +to return my thanks in this public manner, to several gentlemen from +whom I have received courtesies and acts of kindness. First and +foremost, there is Jerry Etheridge, a man of great political influence +and historical learning. To this distinguished gentleman I am indebted +for an act of generosity that rescued me from a serious embarrassment. I +am not the only recipient of his bounty, for I know many others who have +applied to him in times of need, and who have left him, encouraged by +his cheering words and relieved by his liberality. He is one of those +true philanthropists who never publish their good deeds to others. I +consider that when one man befriends another and then tells of it, all +obligation ceases to exist between the parties, and no gratitude is due +the one who confers the benefit, which he bestows, perhaps just on +purpose to acquire a reputation for whole-souled benevolence, and not +out of any particular good-will to the other. I am also under obligation +to Mr. W.R. GOODALL, the promising young American actor, who will one +day, I predict, occupy a most elevated position in the profession which +he has adopted, and for which he is peculiarly qualified. Who that ever +heard his famous imitations, as Jeremiah Clip, will hesitate to admit +that he is a young man of the most extraordinary talent? NED SANDFORD +and JIM LANERGAN, both of whom are now while I write this, playing at +the Broadway Theatre, I return my most sincere thanks for favors +received; and I trust that they will pardon me for making this public +allusion to them. Finally, to every person who has, through +disinterested motive, treated me with kindness and consideration, I +would say--friends, your goodness shall never be forgotten while life +remains. + +I have many bitter enemies, and they will, I presume, continue to snarl +at my heels like mongrel curs. Their miserable attempts to injure me +will only rebound back upon themselves. I am above the reach of their +malignity, and shall pursue my own independent course regardless of +their spleen. + +Nearly one year has now elapsed since I left Boston--a place that I +cannot but regard with some degree of affectionate remembrance; for, +with all its faults, I like it still. + +It is possible that I may hereafter continue to write tales for the +public amusement. Should I conclude to continue in my business as a +writer, I shall always, as heretofore, labor to produce that which is +interesting, exciting and founded on truth, and entirely unobjectionable +in a moral point of view. Unlike many so-called writers who throw off a +quantity of trash and care not how it fills up space, I am always +willing to bestow time and toil upon my work, for the sake of my own +credit, for the purpose of securing the rapid and extensive sale of the +book--and in order to give the public perfect satisfaction. + +Reader, fare thee well! We may never meet again; but I thank thee for +accompanying me from the beginning to + + +THE END + + + +***END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MY LIFE: OR THE ADVENTURES OF GEO. +THOMPSON*** + + +******* This file should be named 28635.txt or 28635.zip ******* + + +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: +http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/2/8/6/3/28635 + + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, +set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to +copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to +protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project +Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you +charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you +do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the +rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose +such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and +research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do +practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is +subject to the trademark license, especially commercial +redistribution. + + + +*** START: FULL LICENSE *** + +THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE +PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK + +To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free +distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work +(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project +Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project +Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at +http://www.gutenberg.org/license). + + +Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic works + +1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to +and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property +(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all +the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy +all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. +If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the +terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or +entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. + +1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be +used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who +agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few +things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works +even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See +paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement +and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. See paragraph 1.E below. + +1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" +or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the +collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an +individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are +located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from +copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative +works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg +are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project +Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by +freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of +this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with +the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by +keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project +Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. + +1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern +what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in +a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check +the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement +before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or +creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project +Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning +the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United +States. + +1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: + +1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate +access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently +whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the +phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project +Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, +copied or distributed: + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + +1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived +from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is +posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied +and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees +or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work +with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the +work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 +through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the +Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or +1.E.9. + +1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted +with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution +must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional +terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked +to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the +permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. + +1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this +work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. + +1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this +electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without +prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with +active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project +Gutenberg-tm License. + +1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, +compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any +word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or +distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than +"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version +posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), +you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a +copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon +request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other +form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm +License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. + +1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, +performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works +unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. + +1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing +access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided +that + +- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from + the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method + you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is + owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he + has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the + Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments + must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you + prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax + returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and + sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the + address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to + the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." + +- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies + you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he + does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm + License. You must require such a user to return or + destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium + and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of + Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any + money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the + electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days + of receipt of the work. + +- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free + distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. + +1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm +electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set +forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from +both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael +Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the +Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. + +1.F. + +1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable +effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread +public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm +collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain +"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or +corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual +property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a +computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by +your equipment. + +1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right +of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project +Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project +Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all +liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal +fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT +LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE +PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH F3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE +TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE +LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR +INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH +DAMAGE. + +1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a +defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can +receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a +written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you +received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with +your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with +the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a +refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity +providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to +receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy +is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further +opportunities to fix the problem. + +1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth +in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS', WITH NO OTHER +WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO +WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTIBILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. + +1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied +warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. +If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the +law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be +interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by +the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any +provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. + +1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the +trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone +providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance +with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, +promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, +harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, +that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do +or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm +work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any +Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. + + +Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm + +Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of +electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers +including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists +because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from +people in all walks of life. + +Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the +assistance they need are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's +goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will +remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project +Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure +and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. +To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation +and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 +and the Foundation web page at http://www.gutenberg.org/fundraising/pglaf. + + +Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive +Foundation + +The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit +501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the +state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal +Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification +number is 64-6221541. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent +permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. + +The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. +Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered +throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at +809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email +business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact +information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official +page at http://www.gutenberg.org/about/contact + +For additional contact information: + Dr. Gregory B. Newby + Chief Executive and Director + gbnewby@pglaf.org + +Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg +Literary Archive Foundation + +Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide +spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of +increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be +freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest +array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations +($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt +status with the IRS. + +The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating +charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United +States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a +considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up +with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations +where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To +SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any +particular state visit http://www.gutenberg.org/fundraising/donate + +While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we +have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition +against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who +approach us with offers to donate. + +International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make +any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from +outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. + +Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation +methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other +ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. +To donate, please visit: +http://www.gutenberg.org/fundraising/donate + + +Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic +works. + +Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm +concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared +with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project +Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. + +Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. +unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily +keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. + +Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: + + http://www.gutenberg.org + +This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, +including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary +Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to +subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. + diff --git a/28635.zip b/28635.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..8f66422 --- /dev/null +++ b/28635.zip diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ce27ab2 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #28635 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/28635) |
