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+ The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Eel, by Miriam Allen deFord
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+<pre>
+
+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Eel, by Miriam Allen DeFord
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Eel
+
+Author: Miriam Allen DeFord
+
+Illustrator: Dillon
+
+Release Date: April 14, 2010 [EBook #31981]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE EEL ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Sankar Viswanathan, Greg Weeks, and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+</pre>
+
+
+<div class="tr"><p class="center">Transcriber's Note:</p>
+<p class="center">This etext was produced from Galaxy Science Fiction April 1958. Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.</p></div>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img class="img1" src="images/cover.jpg" width="400" height="549" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<h1>the eel</h1>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<h2>BY MIRIAM ALLEN DeFORD</h2>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<h3>Illustrated by DILLON</h3>
+<p>&nbsp;</p>
+<div class="blockquot"><p><i>The punishment had to fit more than just the crime&mdash;it had
+to suit every world in the Galaxy!</i></p></div>
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+<div class="figleft"><img src="images/image_h1.jpg" alt="H" width="50" height="50" /></div>
+<p>e was intimately and unfavorably known everywhere in the Galaxy, but
+with special virulence on eight planets in three different solar
+systems. He was eagerly sought on each; they all wanted to try him and
+punish him&mdash;in each case, by their own laws and customs. This had been
+going on for 26 terrestrial years, which means from minus ten to plus
+280 in some of the others. The only place that didn't want him was
+Earth, his native planet, where he was too smart to operate&mdash;but, of
+course, the Galactic Police were looking for him there too, to deliver
+him to the authorities of the other planets in accordance with the
+Interplanetary Constitution.</p>
+
+<p>For all of those years, The Eel (which was his Earth monicker;
+elsewhere, he was known by names indicating equally squirmy and slimy
+life-forms) had been gayly going his way, known under a dozen
+different aliases, turning up suddenly here, there, everywhere,
+committing his gigantic depredations, and disappearing as quickly and
+silently when his latest enterprise had succeeded. He specialized in
+enormous, unprecedented thefts. It was said that he despised stealing
+anything under the value of 100 million terrestrial units, and most of
+his thefts were much larger than that.</p>
+
+<p>He had no recognizable <i>modus operandi</i>, changing his methods with
+each new crime. He never left a clue. But, in bravado, he signed his
+name to every job: his monicker flattered him, and after each
+malefaction the victim&mdash;usually a government agency, a giant
+corporation, or one of the clan enterprises of the smaller
+planets&mdash;would receive a message consisting merely of the impudent
+depiction of a large wriggling eel.</p>
+
+<p>They got him at last, of course. The Galactic Police, like the
+prehistoric Royal Canadian Mounted, have the reputation of always
+catching their man. (Sometimes they don't catch him till he's dead,
+but they catch him.) It took them 26 years, and it was a hard job, for
+The Eel always worked alone and never talked afterward.</p>
+
+<p>They did it by the herculean labor of investigating the source of the
+fortune of every inhabitant of Earth, since all that was known was
+that The Eel was a terrestrial. Every computer in the Federation
+worked overtime analyzing the data fed into it. It wasn't entirely a
+thankless task, for, as a by-product, a lot of embezzlers, tax evaders
+and lesser robbers were turned up.</p>
+
+<p>In the end, it narrowed down to one man who owned more than he could
+account for having. Even so, they almost lost him, for his takings
+were cached away under so many pseudonyms that it took several months
+just to establish that they all belonged to the same person. When that
+was settled, the police swooped. The Eel surrendered quietly; the one
+thing he had been surest of was never being apprehended, and he was so
+dumfounded he was unable to put up any resistance.</p>
+
+<p>And then came the still greater question: which of the planets was to
+have him?</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%;" />
+<div class="figleft"><img src="images/image_x.jpg" alt="X" width="38" height="40" /></div>
+<p>ystil said it had the first right because his theft there had been
+the largest&mdash;a sum so huge, it could be expressed only by an algebraic
+index. Artha's argument was that his first recorded crime had been on
+that planet. Medoris wanted him because its only penalty for any
+felony is an immediate and rather horrible death, and that would
+guarantee getting rid of The Eel forever.</p>
+
+<p>Ceres put in a claim on the ground that it was the only planet or moon
+in the Sol System in which he had operated, and since he was a
+terrestrial, it was a matter for local jurisdiction. Eb pleaded that
+it was the newest and poorest member of the Galactic Federation, and
+should have been protected in its inexperience against his
+thievishness.</p>
+
+<p>Ha-Almirath argued that it had earned his custody because it was its
+Chief Ruler who had suggested to the police the method which had
+resulted in his arrest. Vavinour countered that it should be the
+chosen recipient, since the theft there had included desecration of
+the High Temple.</p>
+
+<p>Little Agsk, which was only a probationary Galactic Associate,
+modestly said that if it were given The Eel, its prompt and exemplary
+punishment might qualify it for full membership, and it would be
+grateful for the chance.</p>
+
+<p>A special meeting of the Galactic Council had to be called for the
+sole purpose of deciding who got The Eel.</p>
+
+<p>Representatives of all the claimant planets made their
+representations. Each told in eloquent detail why his planet and his
+alone was entitled to custody of the arch-criminal, and what they
+would do to him when&mdash;not if&mdash;they got him. After they had all been
+heard, the councilors went into executive session, with press and
+public barred. An indiscreet councilor (it was O-Al of Phlagon of
+Altair, if you want to know) leaked later some of the rather
+indecorous proceedings.</p>
+
+<p>The Earth councilor, he reported, had been granted a voice but no
+vote, since Earth was not an interested party as to the crime, but
+only as to the criminal. Every possible system of arbitration had been
+discussed&mdash;chronological, numerical in respect to the size of the
+theft, legalistic in respect to whether the culprit would be available
+to hand on to another victim when the first had got through punishing
+him.</p>
+
+<p>In the welter of claims and counterclaims, one harassed councilor
+wearily suggested a lottery. Another in desperation recommended
+handing The Eel a list of prospective punishments on each of the eight
+planets and observing which one seemed to inspire him with most
+dread&mdash;which would then be the one selected. One even proposed
+poisoning him and announcing his sudden collapse and death.</p>
+
+<p>The sessions went on day and night; the exhausted councilors separated
+for brief periods of sleep, then went at it again. A hung jury was
+unthinkable; something had to be decided. The news outlets of the
+entire Galaxy were beginning to issue sarcastic editorials about
+procrastination and coddling criminals, with hints about bribery and
+corruption, and remarks that perhaps what was needed was a few
+impeachments and a new general election.</p>
+
+<p>So at last, in utter despair, they awarded The Eel to Agsk, as a sort
+of bonus and incentive. Whichever planet they named, the other seven
+were going to scream to high heaven, and Agsk was least likely to be
+able to retaliate against any expressions of indignation.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%;" />
+<div class="figleft"><img src="images/image_a.jpg" alt="A" width="37" height="40" /></div>
+<p>gskians, as everyone knows, are fairly humanoid beings, primitives
+from the outer edge of the Galaxy. They were like college freshmen
+invited to a senior fraternity. This was their Big Chance to Make
+Good.</p>
+
+<p>The Eel, taciturn as ever, was delivered to a delegation of six of
+them sent to meet him in one of their lumbering spaceships, a low
+countergrav machine such as Earth had outgrown several millennia
+before. They were so afraid of losing him that they put a metal belt
+around him with six chains attached to it, and fastened all six of
+themselves to him. Once on Agsk, he was placed in a specially made
+stone pit, surrounded by guards, and fed through the only opening.</p>
+
+<p>In preparation for the influx of visitors to the trial, an anticipated
+greater assembly of off-planeters than little Agsk had ever seen, they
+evacuated their capital city temporarily, resettling all its citizens
+except those needed to serve and care for the guests, and remodeled
+the biggest houses for the accommodation of those who had peculiar
+space, shape, or other requirements.</p>
+
+<p>Never since the Galactic Federation was founded had so many beings,
+human, humanoid, semi-humanoid and non-humanoid, gathered at the same
+time on any one member-planet. Every newstape, tridimens, audio and
+all other varieties of information services&mdash;even including the drum
+amplifiers of Medoris and the ray-variants of Eb&mdash;applied for and were
+granted a place in the courtroom. This, because no other edifice was
+large enough, was an immense stone amphitheater usually devoted to
+rather curious games with animals; since it rains on Agsk only for two
+specified hours on every one of their days, no roof was needed. At
+every seat, there was a translatophone, with interpreters ready in
+plastic cages to translate the Intergalactic in which the trial was
+conducted into even the clicks and hisses of Jorg and the eye-flashes
+of Omonro.</p>
+
+<p>And in the midst of all this, the cause and purpose of it all, sat the
+legendary Eel.</p>
+
+<p>Seen at last, he was hardly an impressive figure. Time had been going
+on and The Eel was in his fifties, bald and a trifle paunchy. He was
+completely ordinary in appearance, a circumstance which had, of
+course, enabled him to pass unobserved on so many planets; he looked
+like a salesman or a minor official, and had indeed been so taken by
+the unnoticing inhabitants of innumerable planets.</p>
+
+<p>People had wondered, when word came of some new outrage by this
+master-thief, if perhaps he had disguised himself as a resident of the
+scene of each fresh crime, but now it was obvious that this had not
+been necessary. He had been too clever to pick any planet where
+visitors from Earth were not a common sight, and he had been too
+insignificant for anyone to pay attention to him.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%;" />
+<div class="figleft"><img src="images/image_t.jpg" alt="T" width="36" height="40" /></div>
+<p>he criminal code of Agsk is unique in the Galaxy, though there are
+rumors of something similar among a legendary extinct tribe on Earth
+called the Guanches. The high priest is also the chief executive (as
+well as the minister of education and head of the medical faculty),
+and he rules jointly with a priestess who also officiates as chief
+judge.</p>
+
+<p>The Agskians have some strange ideas to a terrestrial eye&mdash;for
+example, suicide is an honor, and anyone of insufficient rank who
+commits it condemns his immediate family to punishment for his
+presumption. They are great family people, in general. Also, they
+never lie, and find it hard to realize that other beings do.</p>
+
+<p>Murder, to them, is merely a matter for negotiation between the
+murderer and the relatives of the victim, provided it is open and
+without deceit. But grand larceny, since property is the foundation of
+the family, is punished in a way that shows that the Agskians, though
+technologically primitive, are psychologically very advanced.</p>
+
+<p>They reason that death, because it comes inevitably to all, is the
+least of misfortunes. Lasting grief, remorse and guilt are the
+greatest. So they let the thief live and do not even imprison him.</p>
+
+<p>Instead, they find out who it is that the criminal most loves. If they
+do not know who it is, they merely ask him, and since Agskians never
+lie, he always tells them. Then they seize that person, and kill him
+or her, slowly and painfully, before the thief's eyes.</p>
+
+<p>And the agreement had been that The Eel was to be tried and punished
+by the laws and customs of the planet to which he was awarded.</p>
+
+<p>The actual trial and conviction of The Eel were almost perfunctory.
+Without needing to resort to torture, his jailers had been presented,
+on a platter as it were, with a full confession&mdash;so far as the
+particular robbery he had committed on Agsk was concerned. There is a
+provision for defense in the Agskian code, but it was unneeded because
+The Eel had pleaded guilty.</p>
+
+<p>But he knew very well he would not be executed by the Agskians; he
+would instead be set free (presumably with a broken heart) to be
+handed over to the next claimant&mdash;and that, the Council had decided,
+would be Medoris. Since Medoris always kills its criminals, that would
+end the whole controversy.</p>
+
+<p>So the Eel was quite aware that his conviction by Agsk would be only
+the preliminary to an exquisitely painful and lingering demise at the
+two-clawed hands of the Medorans. His business was somehow to get out
+from under.</p>
+
+<p>Naturally, the resources of the Galactic Police had been at the full
+disposal of the officials of Agsk.</p>
+
+<p>The files had been opened, and the Agskians had before them The Eel's
+history back to the day of his birth. He himself had been questioned,
+encelographed, hypnotized, dormitized, injected, psychographed,
+subjected to all the means of eliciting information devised by all
+eight planets&mdash;for the other seven, once their first resentment was
+over, had reconciled themselves and cooperated whole-heartedly with
+Agsk.</p>
+
+<p>Medoris especially had been of the greatest help. The Medorans could
+hardly wait.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%;" />
+<div class="figleft"><img src="images/image_i.jpg" alt="I" width="19" height="40" /></div>
+<p>n the spate of news of the trial that inundated every portion of the
+Galaxy, there began to be discovered a note of sympathy for this one
+little creature arrayed against the mightiest powers of the Galaxy.
+Poor people who wished they had his nerve, and romantic people who
+dreamed of adventures they would never dare perform, began to say that
+The Eel wasn't so bad, after all; he became a symbol of the rebellious
+individual thumbing his nose at entrenched authority. Students of
+Earth prehistory will recognize such symbols in the mythical Robin
+Hood and Al Capone.</p>
+
+<p>These were the people who were glad to put up when bets began to be
+made. At first the odds were ten to one against The Eel; then, as time
+dragged by, they dropped until it was even money.</p>
+
+<p>Agsk itself began to be worried. It was one thing to make a big,
+expensive splurge to impress the Galaxy and to hasten its acceptance
+into full membership in the Federation, but nobody had expected the
+show to last more than a few days. If it kept on much longer, Agsk
+would be bankrupt.</p>
+
+<p>For the trial had foundered on one insoluble problem: the only way The
+Eel could ever be punished by their laws was to kill the person he
+most loved&mdash;and nobody could discover that he had ever loved anybody.</p>
+
+<div class="figcenter" style="width: 400px;">
+<img src="images/image_001.jpg" width="400" height="571" alt="" title="" />
+</div>
+
+<p>His mother? His father? He had been an undutiful and unaffectionate
+son, and his parents were long since dead in any case. He had never
+had a brother, a sister, a wife or a child. No probing could find any
+woman with whom he had ever been in love. He had never had an intimate
+friend.</p>
+
+<p>He did nothing to help, naturally. He simply sat in his chains and
+smiled and waited. He was perfectly willing to be escorted from the
+court every evening, relieved of his fetters and placed in his pit. It
+was a much pleasanter existence than being executed inch by inch by
+the Medorans. For all he cared, the Agskians could go on spending
+their planetary income until he finally died of old age.</p>
+
+<p>The priestess-judge and her co-adjutors wore themselves out in
+discussions far into the night. They lost up to 15 pounds apiece,
+which on Agsk, where the average weight of adults is about 40, was
+serious. It began to look as if The Eel's judges would predecease him.</p>
+
+<p><i>Whom</i> did The Eel love? They went into minutiae and subterfuges. He
+had never had a pet to which he was devoted. He had never even loved a
+house which could be razed. He could not be said to have loved the
+immense fortune he had stolen, for he had concealed his wealth and
+used little of it, and in any event it had all been confiscated and,
+so far as possible, restored proportionately to those he had robbed.</p>
+
+<p>What he had loved most, doubtless, was his prowess in stealing
+unimaginable sums and getting away with it&mdash;but there is no way of
+"killing" a criminal technique.</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%;" />
+<div class="figleft"><img src="images/image_a.jpg" alt="A" width="37" height="40" /></div>
+<p>lmost a year had passed. Agsk was beginning to wish The Eel had never
+been caught, or that they had never been awarded the glory of trying
+him.</p>
+
+<p>At last the priestess-judge, in utter despair, took off her judge's
+robes, put on the cassock and surplice of her sacred calling, and laid
+the problem before the most unapproachable and august of the gods of
+Agsk.</p>
+
+<p>The trial was suspended while she lay for three days in a trance on
+the high altar. She emerged weak and tottering, her skin light blue
+instead of its healthy purple, but her head high and her mouth curved
+in triumph.</p>
+
+<p>At sight of her, renewed excitement surged through the audience.
+News-gatherers, who had been finding it difficult of late to get
+anything to report, rushed to their instruments.</p>
+
+<p>"Remove the defendant's chains and set him free," the priestess-judge
+ordered in ringing tones. "The Great God of the Unspeakable Name has
+revealed to me whom the defendant most loves. As soon as he is freed,
+seize him and slay him. For the only being he loves is&mdash;himself."</p>
+
+<p>There was an instant's silence, and then a roar. The Medorans howled
+in frustration.</p>
+
+<p>But The Eel, still guarded but unchained, stood up and laughed aloud.</p>
+
+<p>"Your Great God is a fool!" he said blasphemously. "I deny that I love
+myself. I care nothing for myself at all."</p>
+
+<p>The priestess-judge sighed. "Since this is your sworn denial, it must
+be true," she said. "So then we cannot kill you. Instead, we grant
+that you do indeed love no one. Therefore you are a creature so far
+outside our comprehension that you cannot come under our laws, no
+matter how you have broken them. We shall notify the Federation that
+we abandon our jurisdiction and hand you over to our sister-planet
+which is next in line to judge you."</p>
+
+<p>Then all the viewers on tridimens on countless planets saw something
+that nobody had ever thought to see&mdash;The Eel's armor of
+self-confidence cracked and terror poured through the gap.</p>
+
+<p>He dropped to his knees and cried: "Wait! Wait! I confess that I
+blasphemed your god, but without realizing that I did!"</p>
+
+<p>"You mean," pressed the priestess-judge, "you acknowledge that you
+yourself are the only being dear to you?"</p>
+
+<p>"No, not that, either. Until now, I have never known love. But now it
+has come upon me like a nova and I must speak the truth." He paused,
+still on his knees, and looked piteously at the priestess-judge.
+"Are&mdash;are you bound by your law to&mdash;to believe me and to kill, instead
+of me, this&mdash;this being I adore?"</p>
+
+<p>"We are so bound," she stated.</p>
+
+<p>"Then," said The Eel, smiling and confident again, rising to his feet,
+"before all the Galaxy, I must declare the object of my sudden but
+everlasting passion. Great lady, it is you!"</p>
+
+<hr style="width: 45%;" />
+<div class="figleft"><img src="images/image_t.jpg" alt="T" width="36" height="40" /></div>
+<p>he Eel is still in his pit, which has been made most comfortable by
+his sympathizers, while the Council of the Galactic Federation seeks
+feverishly and vainly, year after year, to find some legal way out of
+the impasse.</p>
+
+<p>Agsk, however, requests all Federation citizens to submit solutions,
+the grand prize for a workable answer being a lifetime term as
+president of the planet. A secondary contest (prize: lifetime
+ambassadorship to the Galactic Federation) is offered for a legal way
+around the statute barring criminals (specifically The Eel) from
+entering the primary contest.</p>
+
+<p class="p1">&mdash;<b>MIRIAM ALLEN DeFORD</b></p>
+
+
+<hr style="width: 65%;" />
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+<pre>
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Eel, by Miriam Allen DeFord
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE EEL ***
+
+***** This file should be named 31981-h.htm or 31981-h.zip *****
+This and all associated files of various formats will be found in:
+ http://www.gutenberg.org/3/1/9/8/31981/
+
+Produced by Sankar Viswanathan, Greg Weeks, and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions
+will be renamed.
+
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+</pre>
+
+</body>
+</html>
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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Eel, by Miriam Allen DeFord
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Eel
+
+Author: Miriam Allen DeFord
+
+Illustrator: Dillon
+
+Release Date: April 14, 2010 [EBook #31981]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE EEL ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by Sankar Viswanathan, Greg Weeks, and the Online
+Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
+
+
+
+
+
+
+
+ Transcriber's Note:
+
+ This etext was produced from Galaxy Science Fiction April 1958.
+ Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that the U.S.
+ copyright on this publication was renewed.
+
+
+ the eel
+
+
+ BY MIRIAM ALLEN DeFORD
+
+
+ Illustrated by DILLON
+
+
+ _The punishment had to fit more than just the crime--it had
+ to suit every world in the Galaxy!_
+
+ * * * * *
+
+
+
+
+He was intimately and unfavorably known everywhere in the Galaxy, but
+with special virulence on eight planets in three different solar
+systems. He was eagerly sought on each; they all wanted to try him and
+punish him--in each case, by their own laws and customs. This had been
+going on for 26 terrestrial years, which means from minus ten to plus
+280 in some of the others. The only place that didn't want him was
+Earth, his native planet, where he was too smart to operate--but, of
+course, the Galactic Police were looking for him there too, to deliver
+him to the authorities of the other planets in accordance with the
+Interplanetary Constitution.
+
+For all of those years, The Eel (which was his Earth monicker;
+elsewhere, he was known by names indicating equally squirmy and slimy
+life-forms) had been gayly going his way, known under a dozen
+different aliases, turning up suddenly here, there, everywhere,
+committing his gigantic depredations, and disappearing as quickly and
+silently when his latest enterprise had succeeded. He specialized in
+enormous, unprecedented thefts. It was said that he despised stealing
+anything under the value of 100 million terrestrial units, and most of
+his thefts were much larger than that.
+
+He had no recognizable _modus operandi_, changing his methods with
+each new crime. He never left a clue. But, in bravado, he signed his
+name to every job: his monicker flattered him, and after each
+malefaction the victim--usually a government agency, a giant
+corporation, or one of the clan enterprises of the smaller
+planets--would receive a message consisting merely of the impudent
+depiction of a large wriggling eel.
+
+They got him at last, of course. The Galactic Police, like the
+prehistoric Royal Canadian Mounted, have the reputation of always
+catching their man. (Sometimes they don't catch him till he's dead,
+but they catch him.) It took them 26 years, and it was a hard job, for
+The Eel always worked alone and never talked afterward.
+
+They did it by the herculean labor of investigating the source of the
+fortune of every inhabitant of Earth, since all that was known was
+that The Eel was a terrestrial. Every computer in the Federation
+worked overtime analyzing the data fed into it. It wasn't entirely a
+thankless task, for, as a by-product, a lot of embezzlers, tax evaders
+and lesser robbers were turned up.
+
+In the end, it narrowed down to one man who owned more than he could
+account for having. Even so, they almost lost him, for his takings
+were cached away under so many pseudonyms that it took several months
+just to establish that they all belonged to the same person. When that
+was settled, the police swooped. The Eel surrendered quietly; the one
+thing he had been surest of was never being apprehended, and he was so
+dumfounded he was unable to put up any resistance.
+
+And then came the still greater question: which of the planets was to
+have him?
+
+ * * * * *
+
+Xystil said it had the first right because his theft there had been
+the largest--a sum so huge, it could be expressed only by an algebraic
+index. Artha's argument was that his first recorded crime had been on
+that planet. Medoris wanted him because its only penalty for any
+felony is an immediate and rather horrible death, and that would
+guarantee getting rid of The Eel forever.
+
+Ceres put in a claim on the ground that it was the only planet or moon
+in the Sol System in which he had operated, and since he was a
+terrestrial, it was a matter for local jurisdiction. Eb pleaded that
+it was the newest and poorest member of the Galactic Federation, and
+should have been protected in its inexperience against his
+thievishness.
+
+Ha-Almirath argued that it had earned his custody because it was its
+Chief Ruler who had suggested to the police the method which had
+resulted in his arrest. Vavinour countered that it should be the
+chosen recipient, since the theft there had included desecration of
+the High Temple.
+
+Little Agsk, which was only a probationary Galactic Associate,
+modestly said that if it were given The Eel, its prompt and exemplary
+punishment might qualify it for full membership, and it would be
+grateful for the chance.
+
+A special meeting of the Galactic Council had to be called for the
+sole purpose of deciding who got The Eel.
+
+Representatives of all the claimant planets made their
+representations. Each told in eloquent detail why his planet and his
+alone was entitled to custody of the arch-criminal, and what they
+would do to him when--not if--they got him. After they had all been
+heard, the councilors went into executive session, with press and
+public barred. An indiscreet councilor (it was O-Al of Phlagon of
+Altair, if you want to know) leaked later some of the rather
+indecorous proceedings.
+
+The Earth councilor, he reported, had been granted a voice but no
+vote, since Earth was not an interested party as to the crime, but
+only as to the criminal. Every possible system of arbitration had been
+discussed--chronological, numerical in respect to the size of the
+theft, legalistic in respect to whether the culprit would be available
+to hand on to another victim when the first had got through punishing
+him.
+
+In the welter of claims and counterclaims, one harassed councilor
+wearily suggested a lottery. Another in desperation recommended
+handing The Eel a list of prospective punishments on each of the eight
+planets and observing which one seemed to inspire him with most
+dread--which would then be the one selected. One even proposed
+poisoning him and announcing his sudden collapse and death.
+
+The sessions went on day and night; the exhausted councilors separated
+for brief periods of sleep, then went at it again. A hung jury was
+unthinkable; something had to be decided. The news outlets of the
+entire Galaxy were beginning to issue sarcastic editorials about
+procrastination and coddling criminals, with hints about bribery and
+corruption, and remarks that perhaps what was needed was a few
+impeachments and a new general election.
+
+So at last, in utter despair, they awarded The Eel to Agsk, as a sort
+of bonus and incentive. Whichever planet they named, the other seven
+were going to scream to high heaven, and Agsk was least likely to be
+able to retaliate against any expressions of indignation.
+
+ * * * * *
+
+Agskians, as everyone knows, are fairly humanoid beings, primitives
+from the outer edge of the Galaxy. They were like college freshmen
+invited to a senior fraternity. This was their Big Chance to Make
+Good.
+
+The Eel, taciturn as ever, was delivered to a delegation of six of
+them sent to meet him in one of their lumbering spaceships, a low
+countergrav machine such as Earth had outgrown several millennia
+before. They were so afraid of losing him that they put a metal belt
+around him with six chains attached to it, and fastened all six of
+themselves to him. Once on Agsk, he was placed in a specially made
+stone pit, surrounded by guards, and fed through the only opening.
+
+In preparation for the influx of visitors to the trial, an anticipated
+greater assembly of off-planeters than little Agsk had ever seen, they
+evacuated their capital city temporarily, resettling all its citizens
+except those needed to serve and care for the guests, and remodeled
+the biggest houses for the accommodation of those who had peculiar
+space, shape, or other requirements.
+
+Never since the Galactic Federation was founded had so many beings,
+human, humanoid, semi-humanoid and non-humanoid, gathered at the same
+time on any one member-planet. Every newstape, tridimens, audio and
+all other varieties of information services--even including the drum
+amplifiers of Medoris and the ray-variants of Eb--applied for and were
+granted a place in the courtroom. This, because no other edifice was
+large enough, was an immense stone amphitheater usually devoted to
+rather curious games with animals; since it rains on Agsk only for two
+specified hours on every one of their days, no roof was needed. At
+every seat, there was a translatophone, with interpreters ready in
+plastic cages to translate the Intergalactic in which the trial was
+conducted into even the clicks and hisses of Jorg and the eye-flashes
+of Omonro.
+
+And in the midst of all this, the cause and purpose of it all, sat the
+legendary Eel.
+
+Seen at last, he was hardly an impressive figure. Time had been going
+on and The Eel was in his fifties, bald and a trifle paunchy. He was
+completely ordinary in appearance, a circumstance which had, of
+course, enabled him to pass unobserved on so many planets; he looked
+like a salesman or a minor official, and had indeed been so taken by
+the unnoticing inhabitants of innumerable planets.
+
+People had wondered, when word came of some new outrage by this
+master-thief, if perhaps he had disguised himself as a resident of the
+scene of each fresh crime, but now it was obvious that this had not
+been necessary. He had been too clever to pick any planet where
+visitors from Earth were not a common sight, and he had been too
+insignificant for anyone to pay attention to him.
+
+ * * * * *
+
+The criminal code of Agsk is unique in the Galaxy, though there are
+rumors of something similar among a legendary extinct tribe on Earth
+called the Guanches. The high priest is also the chief executive (as
+well as the minister of education and head of the medical faculty),
+and he rules jointly with a priestess who also officiates as chief
+judge.
+
+The Agskians have some strange ideas to a terrestrial eye--for
+example, suicide is an honor, and anyone of insufficient rank who
+commits it condemns his immediate family to punishment for his
+presumption. They are great family people, in general. Also, they
+never lie, and find it hard to realize that other beings do.
+
+Murder, to them, is merely a matter for negotiation between the
+murderer and the relatives of the victim, provided it is open and
+without deceit. But grand larceny, since property is the foundation of
+the family, is punished in a way that shows that the Agskians, though
+technologically primitive, are psychologically very advanced.
+
+They reason that death, because it comes inevitably to all, is the
+least of misfortunes. Lasting grief, remorse and guilt are the
+greatest. So they let the thief live and do not even imprison him.
+
+Instead, they find out who it is that the criminal most loves. If they
+do not know who it is, they merely ask him, and since Agskians never
+lie, he always tells them. Then they seize that person, and kill him
+or her, slowly and painfully, before the thief's eyes.
+
+And the agreement had been that The Eel was to be tried and punished
+by the laws and customs of the planet to which he was awarded.
+
+The actual trial and conviction of The Eel were almost perfunctory.
+Without needing to resort to torture, his jailers had been presented,
+on a platter as it were, with a full confession--so far as the
+particular robbery he had committed on Agsk was concerned. There is a
+provision for defense in the Agskian code, but it was unneeded because
+The Eel had pleaded guilty.
+
+But he knew very well he would not be executed by the Agskians; he
+would instead be set free (presumably with a broken heart) to be
+handed over to the next claimant--and that, the Council had decided,
+would be Medoris. Since Medoris always kills its criminals, that would
+end the whole controversy.
+
+So the Eel was quite aware that his conviction by Agsk would be only
+the preliminary to an exquisitely painful and lingering demise at the
+two-clawed hands of the Medorans. His business was somehow to get out
+from under.
+
+Naturally, the resources of the Galactic Police had been at the full
+disposal of the officials of Agsk.
+
+The files had been opened, and the Agskians had before them The Eel's
+history back to the day of his birth. He himself had been questioned,
+encelographed, hypnotized, dormitized, injected, psychographed,
+subjected to all the means of eliciting information devised by all
+eight planets--for the other seven, once their first resentment was
+over, had reconciled themselves and cooperated whole-heartedly with
+Agsk.
+
+Medoris especially had been of the greatest help. The Medorans could
+hardly wait.
+
+ * * * * *
+
+In the spate of news of the trial that inundated every portion of the
+Galaxy, there began to be discovered a note of sympathy for this one
+little creature arrayed against the mightiest powers of the Galaxy.
+Poor people who wished they had his nerve, and romantic people who
+dreamed of adventures they would never dare perform, began to say that
+The Eel wasn't so bad, after all; he became a symbol of the rebellious
+individual thumbing his nose at entrenched authority. Students of
+Earth prehistory will recognize such symbols in the mythical Robin
+Hood and Al Capone.
+
+These were the people who were glad to put up when bets began to be
+made. At first the odds were ten to one against The Eel; then, as time
+dragged by, they dropped until it was even money.
+
+Agsk itself began to be worried. It was one thing to make a big,
+expensive splurge to impress the Galaxy and to hasten its acceptance
+into full membership in the Federation, but nobody had expected the
+show to last more than a few days. If it kept on much longer, Agsk
+would be bankrupt.
+
+For the trial had foundered on one insoluble problem: the only way The
+Eel could ever be punished by their laws was to kill the person he
+most loved--and nobody could discover that he had ever loved anybody.
+
+[Illustration]
+
+His mother? His father? He had been an undutiful and unaffectionate
+son, and his parents were long since dead in any case. He had never
+had a brother, a sister, a wife or a child. No probing could find any
+woman with whom he had ever been in love. He had never had an intimate
+friend.
+
+He did nothing to help, naturally. He simply sat in his chains and
+smiled and waited. He was perfectly willing to be escorted from the
+court every evening, relieved of his fetters and placed in his pit. It
+was a much pleasanter existence than being executed inch by inch by
+the Medorans. For all he cared, the Agskians could go on spending
+their planetary income until he finally died of old age.
+
+The priestess-judge and her co-adjutors wore themselves out in
+discussions far into the night. They lost up to 15 pounds apiece,
+which on Agsk, where the average weight of adults is about 40, was
+serious. It began to look as if The Eel's judges would predecease him.
+
+_Whom_ did The Eel love? They went into minutiae and subterfuges. He
+had never had a pet to which he was devoted. He had never even loved a
+house which could be razed. He could not be said to have loved the
+immense fortune he had stolen, for he had concealed his wealth and
+used little of it, and in any event it had all been confiscated and,
+so far as possible, restored proportionately to those he had robbed.
+
+What he had loved most, doubtless, was his prowess in stealing
+unimaginable sums and getting away with it--but there is no way of
+"killing" a criminal technique.
+
+ * * * * *
+
+Almost a year had passed. Agsk was beginning to wish The Eel had never
+been caught, or that they had never been awarded the glory of trying
+him.
+
+At last the priestess-judge, in utter despair, took off her judge's
+robes, put on the cassock and surplice of her sacred calling, and laid
+the problem before the most unapproachable and august of the gods of
+Agsk.
+
+The trial was suspended while she lay for three days in a trance on
+the high altar. She emerged weak and tottering, her skin light blue
+instead of its healthy purple, but her head high and her mouth curved
+in triumph.
+
+At sight of her, renewed excitement surged through the audience.
+News-gatherers, who had been finding it difficult of late to get
+anything to report, rushed to their instruments.
+
+"Remove the defendant's chains and set him free," the priestess-judge
+ordered in ringing tones. "The Great God of the Unspeakable Name has
+revealed to me whom the defendant most loves. As soon as he is freed,
+seize him and slay him. For the only being he loves is--himself."
+
+There was an instant's silence, and then a roar. The Medorans howled
+in frustration.
+
+But The Eel, still guarded but unchained, stood up and laughed aloud.
+
+"Your Great God is a fool!" he said blasphemously. "I deny that I love
+myself. I care nothing for myself at all."
+
+The priestess-judge sighed. "Since this is your sworn denial, it must
+be true," she said. "So then we cannot kill you. Instead, we grant
+that you do indeed love no one. Therefore you are a creature so far
+outside our comprehension that you cannot come under our laws, no
+matter how you have broken them. We shall notify the Federation that
+we abandon our jurisdiction and hand you over to our sister-planet
+which is next in line to judge you."
+
+Then all the viewers on tridimens on countless planets saw something
+that nobody had ever thought to see--The Eel's armor of
+self-confidence cracked and terror poured through the gap.
+
+He dropped to his knees and cried: "Wait! Wait! I confess that I
+blasphemed your god, but without realizing that I did!"
+
+"You mean," pressed the priestess-judge, "you acknowledge that you
+yourself are the only being dear to you?"
+
+"No, not that, either. Until now, I have never known love. But now it
+has come upon me like a nova and I must speak the truth." He paused,
+still on his knees, and looked piteously at the priestess-judge.
+"Are--are you bound by your law to--to believe me and to kill, instead
+of me, this--this being I adore?"
+
+"We are so bound," she stated.
+
+"Then," said The Eel, smiling and confident again, rising to his feet,
+"before all the Galaxy, I must declare the object of my sudden but
+everlasting passion. Great lady, it is you!"
+
+ * * * * *
+
+The Eel is still in his pit, which has been made most comfortable by
+his sympathizers, while the Council of the Galactic Federation seeks
+feverishly and vainly, year after year, to find some legal way out of
+the impasse.
+
+Agsk, however, requests all Federation citizens to submit solutions,
+the grand prize for a workable answer being a lifetime term as
+president of the planet. A secondary contest (prize: lifetime
+ambassadorship to the Galactic Federation) is offered for a legal way
+around the statute barring criminals (specifically The Eel) from
+entering the primary contest.
+
+ --MIRIAM ALLEN DeFORD
+
+ * * * * *
+
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Eel, by Miriam Allen DeFord
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