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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/32430-h.zip b/32430-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..e84dcf7 --- /dev/null +++ b/32430-h.zip diff --git a/32430-h/32430-h.htm b/32430-h/32430-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d71a865 --- /dev/null +++ b/32430-h/32430-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,759 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> + +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> + <head> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=iso-8859-1" /> + <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> + <title> + The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Practical Joke, by Unknown. + </title> + <style type="text/css"> + + p {margin-top: .75em; + text-align: justify; + text-indent: 1.25em; + margin-bottom: .75em; + } + img {border: 0;} + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { + text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ + clear: both; + } + hr { width: 33%; + margin-top: 2em; + margin-bottom: 2em; + margin-left: auto; + margin-right: auto; + clear: both; + } + + body{margin-left: 10%; + margin-right: 10%; + } + + .pagenum { /* uncomment the next line for invisible page numbers */ + /* visibility: hidden; */ + position: absolute; + left: 92%; + font-size: smaller; + text-align: right; + } /* page numbers */ + .copyright {text-align: center; font-size: 70%;} + + .center {text-align: center;} + .smcap {font-variant: small-caps;} + + .caption {font-weight: bold;} + + .figcenter {margin: auto; text-align: center;} + </style> + </head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Practical Joke, by Anonymous + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Practical Joke + The Christmas Story of Uncle Ned + +Author: Anonymous + +Illustrator: W. Howland + +Release Date: May 19, 2010 [EBook #32430] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PRACTICAL JOKE *** + + + + +Produced by The Online Distributed Proofreading Team at +http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images +generously made available by The Internet Archive/American +Libraries.) + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 317px;"> +<img src="images/cover.jpg" width="317" height="500" alt="Cover" title="" /> +</div> +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[1]</a></span></p> + + + + + +<h1><small>THE</small><br />PRACTICAL JOKE;</h1> + +<h3>OR THE</h3> +<h2>CHRISTMAS STORY OF UNCLE NED.<br /><br /><br /></h2> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 252px;"> +<img src="images/i001.jpg" width="252" height="250" alt="Man in snow" title="" /> +</div> + +<div class='center'> +<big>NEW YORK:</big><br /><br /><br /><br /> +PUBLISHED BY J. S. REDFIELD,<br /> +<small>CLINTON HALL.</small><br /> +</div> + + + + +<hr style="width: 65%;" /><p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span></p> + +<h2>THE PRACTICAL JOKE.</h2> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 189px;"> +<img src="images/i002.png" width="189" height="50" alt="Decoration" title="" /> +</div> + +<p><span class="smcap">Welcome</span>, merry Christmas and New-Year! +prized by children above all other +days in the year. Ye are associated +with pleasant recollections of old Santa +Claus and sugar-plums—with bright visions +of a cheerful fireside, merry games, +pleasant stories, and happy, smiling faces. +First comes Christmas Eve, when +each young face beams with eager curiosity +and delightful anticipation—all +wondering and guessing what they shall +find in their stockings next morning; +while the eldest sister, with looks of +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span>mystery and of importance, shares her +mother's councils, and helps to distribute +the precious stores. Soon they are in +bed, anxious to sleep off the long hours, +dreaming of rocking-horses and doll-babies, +tea-sets, wooden soldiers, and all +the other delights of the toy-shop.</p> + +<p>I never heard of a lazy child on a +Christmas morning. The idle and the +industrious are all up, "bright and early." +The well-filled stockings are eagerly +inspected, good wishes and pretty +or useful presents given and received, +and various plans proposed for the day's +amusement. Night comes too soon for +the tireless lovers of fun, who go unwillingly +to bed, consoling themselves that +one week more will bring New-Year.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i004.jpg" width="500" height="334" alt="Kind little Girls relieving the Poor." title="" /> +<span class="caption">Kind little Girls relieving the Poor.</span> +</div> + +<p>Dear children, long may such innocent +delights crown the year; and, in +the midst of all, forget not the children +of the famishing poor, who have no +Christmas pleasures to look forward to; +<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span>whose parents toil for their daily bread +and scanty apparel all the year, and have +no time nor means to provide themselves +or their children with the comforts and +luxuries you enjoy. Each one can spare +a little to minister to the enjoyment of +those poor suffering children, many of +whom, perhaps, have no fathers to provide +for them, some of them not even a +home to shelter them. Share with them +your abundance, and the blessings of the +poor shall rest upon you. And now, my +patient little readers, for the story.</p> + +<p>One Christmas night we were all gathered +around a cheerful fire in the old-fashioned +parlor. Father, mother, sisters, +brothers, uncles, aunts, and cousins, +were all there. The blazing pine knots +sent a cheerful light into every nook and +corner of the big room; the ponderous +presses, and quaint old desk and bookcase, +reflecting the warm glow from their +polished surfaces.</p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span></p><p>The straight, high-backed, mahogany +chairs had been sadly knocked about in +a game of blind-man's-buff, and looked +as much out of place as a prim old +maiden aunt in a game of romps. Nut-shells +and apple-parings, kiss-papers and +mottoes, strewed the broad hearth, and +gave pretty good token of the evening's +cheer. The clock had just struck ten, +and we youngsters were warned that it +was bedtime, when there arose a loud +call for a story. A story from Uncle +Ned! We might all sit up to hear a +story, if Uncle Ned would tell one.</p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i007.jpg" width="500" height="343" alt="Portrait of Uncle Ned." title="" /> +<span class="caption">Portrait of Uncle Ned.</span> +</div> +<p>He, good soul, never refused a kind +request in his life, and we felt quite safe +for the next half hour. I think I see +him now, with his trim leg encased in a +fine home-knit stocking—his bright shoe-buckles, +and neat drab small-clothes—his +queer-looking continental hat, with +his gray locks appearing beneath it, +and his hands resting upon the head of +his silver-mounted cane.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span></p> + +<p><span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span></p> + +<p>The chairs were set in their places, +stragglers called in, and all were seated +in silence to hear.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 347px;"> +<img src="images/i008.png" width="347" height="50" alt="Decoration" title="" /> +</div> + + +<h3>UNCLE NED'S STORY.</h3> + +<p>"Many years ago, when I was a slip +of a lad like Tom there"—"Why, uncle," +cried little Willy in amazement, +"did you say you were no bigger than +Tom? Were you ever as little as Tom, +uncle?"—"Hush, Willy," said Tom, a +well-grown boy of fourteen, "I'm sure +you need not make such a wonderment +at that; I am not so very small, and I +expect to be as big as Uncle Ned when +I'm a man. How naughty of you to +interrupt the story!"</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i010.jpg" width="500" height="332" alt="Ned and his Companions at the Pond." title="" /> +<span class="caption">Ned and his Companions at the Pond.</span> +</div> + +<p>"Well, Willy," said Uncle Ned, "I +don't suppose I look much now as if I +had once been a slender lad, with a soft +fair brow, and rosy cheeks; but I was as<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span> +full of fun and frolic as the best of you. +I will tell you how I once came near +losing my own life and that of a friend +and playmate, by my love of mischief. +It was a Christmas night. We were +gathered round the fire just as we now +are, cracking nuts, eating apples, and +telling stories, when I proposed to Jack +Thornton, and his little brother, that we +should go for a skating frolic to 'the +pond,' a beautiful sheet of water about a +quarter of a mile distant. Instantly we +were in motion, looking up our skates +and mittens. Off we started, in high +glee, promising ourselves fine fun on the +ice. The moon shone brilliantly—every +object could be seen with perfect distinctness. +The little pond, which was +supplied with the purest spring water, +looked like a sheet of silver, sparkling in +the moonlight. I well remember looking +down through the clear and beautifully +transparent ice, and seeing the<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span> +pond-lilies, with their broad leaves of +tender green, mingled with rushes and +long grass, while the little fish danced +like beams of silver-light in the clear water. +The pond was of no great extent, +but toward the middle it was quite deep, +and formed a fine broad sheet of ice for +skating.</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i012.jpg" width="500" height="330" alt="Ned rescuing Jack from drowning." title="" /> +<span class="caption">Ned rescuing Jack from drowning.</span> +</div> + +<p>"I remembered having seen the day +before an air-hole near a rock on the +opposite shore. I had tried the ice near +it, and found it strong enough to bear +my weight; and concluding that by this +time it was quite thick enough to bear +two or three, I determined to play a trick +upon Jack, who was exceedingly good +natured, but a great brag. Nobody could +outwit him, he thought. 'Come, Jack,' +said I, 'follow me, and I will take you +where you are afraid to go.'—'I afraid!' +said he, 'catch me afraid—I can go anywhere +you can—go ahead!' Away we +shot, like swallows, toward the fatal air-hole.<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span> +'Follow me,' I cried; 'keep up +with me if you can.' Thus stimulated, +Jack kept close in my rear. My object +was to avoid the air-hole myself, and +just give one of Jack's legs a ducking, +without doing him any further injury. +We wheeled in circles round and round, +until, making a quick sweep, and calling +upon him to keep close, I dexterously +made a slight curve so as to avoid the +hole, but down went poor Jack, one leg +and foot quite buried in the freezing element. +It was a favorite trick with the +knowing ones, and was never taken +amiss. But in this case the joke was +carried too far. Jack pulled and struggled +to draw out his foot, when suddenly +the ice gave way, and down he sank into +the deep water. I knew he could not +swim—neither could I. I was aware it +would not do to attempt to get him out +by going near him on the ice, as our efforts +would only crack the ice and throw<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span> +me in too. But, as quick as thought, I +ran on shore, threw off my skates, went +to the edge of the rock, where fortunately +he was within my reach, and, after +many unsuccessful attempts, I succeeded +in drawing him out. Poor Jack was almost +exhausted; but I got him home, +and he was undressed and put to bed. +A severe fit of sickness followed from +the cold he took that night. Aunt Dorothy +always insisted that his sickness +might have been prevented, if she had +been permitted to give him a dose of +her hot-drops, which she always kept by +her—a specific for all complaints. But +the physician who was called positively +forbade it. Physicians do not like to +have persons who are ignorant of the nature +of diseases, and their proper remedies, +tampering with the human frame. +Although in some instances they may +relieve in mild attacks, they often do a +great deal of harm by giving favorite<span class='pagenum'><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span> +quack medicines, indiscriminately, for all +complaints. However, by good nursing, +Jack soon got well; and we received a +good lesson, which I have never forgotten, +in the almost fatal termination of the +'<span class="smcap">practical joke</span>.'"</p> + +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 500px;"> +<img src="images/i014.jpg" width="500" height="343" alt="The Physician and Aunt Dorothy." title="" /> +<span class="caption">The Physician and Aunt Dorothy.</span> +</div> +<p><br /> <br /></p> +<div class="figcenter" style="width: 252px;"> +<img src="images/i016.jpg" width="252" height="250" alt="Pond" title="" /> +</div> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Practical Joke, by Anonymous + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PRACTICAL JOKE *** + +***** This file should be named 32430-h.htm or 32430-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/2/4/3/32430/ + +Produced by The Online Distributed Proofreading Team at +http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images +generously made available by The Internet Archive/American +Libraries.) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: The Practical Joke + The Christmas Story of Uncle Ned + +Author: Anonymous + +Illustrator: W. Howland + +Release Date: May 19, 2010 [EBook #32430] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PRACTICAL JOKE *** + + + + +Produced by The Online Distributed Proofreading Team at +http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images +generously made available by The Internet Archive/American +Libraries.) + + + + + + + + + + + + +THE PRACTICAL JOKE; + +OR THE CHRISTMAS STORY OF UNCLE NED. + +[Illustration] + + NEW YORK: + PUBLISHED BY J. S. REDFIELD, + CLINTON HALL. + + + + +THE PRACTICAL JOKE. + + +Welcome, merry Christmas and New-Year! prized by children above all +other days in the year. Ye are associated with pleasant recollections of +old Santa Claus and sugar-plums--with bright visions of a cheerful +fireside, merry games, pleasant stories, and happy, smiling faces. First +comes Christmas Eve, when each young face beams with eager curiosity and +delightful anticipation--all wondering and guessing what they shall find +in their stockings next morning; while the eldest sister, with looks of +mystery and of importance, shares her mother's councils, and helps to +distribute the precious stores. Soon they are in bed, anxious to sleep +off the long hours, dreaming of rocking-horses and doll-babies, +tea-sets, wooden soldiers, and all the other delights of the toy-shop. + +I never heard of a lazy child on a Christmas morning. The idle and the +industrious are all up, "bright and early." The well-filled stockings +are eagerly inspected, good wishes and pretty or useful presents given +and received, and various plans proposed for the day's amusement. Night +comes too soon for the tireless lovers of fun, who go unwillingly to +bed, consoling themselves that one week more will bring New-Year. + +[Illustration: Kind little Girls relieving the Poor.] + +Dear children, long may such innocent delights crown the year; and, in +the midst of all, forget not the children of the famishing poor, who +have no Christmas pleasures to look forward to; whose parents toil for +their daily bread and scanty apparel all the year, and have no time +nor means to provide themselves or their children with the comforts and +luxuries you enjoy. Each one can spare a little to minister to the +enjoyment of those poor suffering children, many of whom, perhaps, have +no fathers to provide for them, some of them not even a home to shelter +them. Share with them your abundance, and the blessings of the poor +shall rest upon you. And now, my patient little readers, for the story. + +One Christmas night we were all gathered around a cheerful fire in the +old-fashioned parlor. Father, mother, sisters, brothers, uncles, aunts, +and cousins, were all there. The blazing pine knots sent a cheerful +light into every nook and corner of the big room; the ponderous presses, +and quaint old desk and bookcase, reflecting the warm glow from their +polished surfaces. + +The straight, high-backed, mahogany chairs had been sadly knocked about +in a game of blind-man's-buff, and looked as much out of place as a prim +old maiden aunt in a game of romps. Nut-shells and apple-parings, +kiss-papers and mottoes, strewed the broad hearth, and gave pretty good +token of the evening's cheer. The clock had just struck ten, and we +youngsters were warned that it was bedtime, when there arose a loud call +for a story. A story from Uncle Ned! We might all sit up to hear a +story, if Uncle Ned would tell one. + +He, good soul, never refused a kind request in his life, and we felt +quite safe for the next half hour. I think I see him now, with his trim +leg encased in a fine home-knit stocking--his bright shoe-buckles, and +neat drab small-clothes--his queer-looking continental hat, with his +gray locks appearing beneath it, and his hands resting upon the head of +his silver-mounted cane. + +[Illustration: Portrait of Uncle Ned.] + +The chairs were set in their places, stragglers called in, and all were +seated in silence to hear. + +[Illustration] + + +UNCLE NED'S STORY. + +"Many years ago, when I was a slip of a lad like Tom there"--"Why, +uncle," cried little Willy in amazement, "did you say you were no bigger +than Tom? Were you ever as little as Tom, uncle?"--"Hush, Willy," said +Tom, a well-grown boy of fourteen, "I'm sure you need not make such a +wonderment at that; I am not so very small, and I expect to be as big as +Uncle Ned when I'm a man. How naughty of you to interrupt the story!" + +[Illustration: Ned and his Companions at the Pond.] + +"Well, Willy," said Uncle Ned, "I don't suppose I look much now as if I +had once been a slender lad, with a soft fair brow, and rosy cheeks; but +I was as full of fun and frolic as the best of you. I will tell you how +I once came near losing my own life and that of a friend and playmate, +by my love of mischief. It was a Christmas night. We were gathered round +the fire just as we now are, cracking nuts, eating apples, and telling +stories, when I proposed to Jack Thornton, and his little brother, that +we should go for a skating frolic to 'the pond,' a beautiful sheet of +water about a quarter of a mile distant. Instantly we were in motion, +looking up our skates and mittens. Off we started, in high glee, +promising ourselves fine fun on the ice. The moon shone +brilliantly--every object could be seen with perfect distinctness. The +little pond, which was supplied with the purest spring water, looked +like a sheet of silver, sparkling in the moonlight. I well remember +looking down through the clear and beautifully transparent ice, and +seeing the pond-lilies, with their broad leaves of tender green, +mingled with rushes and long grass, while the little fish danced like +beams of silver-light in the clear water. The pond was of no great +extent, but toward the middle it was quite deep, and formed a fine broad +sheet of ice for skating. + +[Illustration: Ned rescuing Jack from drowning.] + +"I remembered having seen the day before an air-hole near a rock on the +opposite shore. I had tried the ice near it, and found it strong enough +to bear my weight; and concluding that by this time it was quite thick +enough to bear two or three, I determined to play a trick upon Jack, who +was exceedingly good natured, but a great brag. Nobody could outwit him, +he thought. 'Come, Jack,' said I, 'follow me, and I will take you where +you are afraid to go.'--'I afraid!' said he, 'catch me afraid--I can go +anywhere you can--go ahead!' Away we shot, like swallows, toward the +fatal air-hole. 'Follow me,' I cried; 'keep up with me if you can.' +Thus stimulated, Jack kept close in my rear. My object was to avoid the +air-hole myself, and just give one of Jack's legs a ducking, without +doing him any further injury. We wheeled in circles round and round, +until, making a quick sweep, and calling upon him to keep close, I +dexterously made a slight curve so as to avoid the hole, but down went +poor Jack, one leg and foot quite buried in the freezing element. It was +a favorite trick with the knowing ones, and was never taken amiss. But +in this case the joke was carried too far. Jack pulled and struggled to +draw out his foot, when suddenly the ice gave way, and down he sank into +the deep water. I knew he could not swim--neither could I. I was aware +it would not do to attempt to get him out by going near him on the ice, +as our efforts would only crack the ice and throw me in too. But, as +quick as thought, I ran on shore, threw off my skates, went to the edge +of the rock, where fortunately he was within my reach, and, after many +unsuccessful attempts, I succeeded in drawing him out. Poor Jack was +almost exhausted; but I got him home, and he was undressed and put to +bed. A severe fit of sickness followed from the cold he took that night. +Aunt Dorothy always insisted that his sickness might have been +prevented, if she had been permitted to give him a dose of her +hot-drops, which she always kept by her--a specific for all complaints. +But the physician who was called positively forbade it. Physicians do +not like to have persons who are ignorant of the nature of diseases, and +their proper remedies, tampering with the human frame. Although in some +instances they may relieve in mild attacks, they often do a great deal +of harm by giving favorite quack medicines, indiscriminately, for all +complaints. However, by good nursing, Jack soon got well; and we +received a good lesson, which I have never forgotten, in the almost +fatal termination of the 'PRACTICAL JOKE.'" + +[Illustration: The Physician and Aunt Dorothy.] + +[Illustration] + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Practical Joke, by Anonymous + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE PRACTICAL JOKE *** + +***** This file should be named 32430.txt or 32430.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + http://www.gutenberg.org/3/2/4/3/32430/ + +Produced by The Online Distributed Proofreading Team at +http://www.pgdp.net (This file was produced from images +generously made available by The Internet Archive/American +Libraries.) + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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