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+
+
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+The Project Gutenberg Etext of Quotations From the Works of Mark Twain
+#1 in our series of Widger's Quotations by David Widger
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+Title: Quotations from the Works of Mark Twain
+
+Author: David Widger
+
+Release Date: October, 2002 [Etext #3432]
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+The Project Gutenberg Etext of Quotations from the Works of Mark Twain
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+This etext was produced by David Widger <widger@cecomet.net>
+
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+
+
+
+ QUOTATIONS FROM THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EDITON
+ OF THE WORKS OF MARK TWAIN
+
+
+
+ TITLES AND CONTENTS OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG TWAIN COLLECTION
+
+The Innocents Abroad
+Mark Twain's (Burlesque) Auto-biography
+ First Romance.
+Roughing it
+The Gilded Age (With Charles Dudley Warner)
+Sketches New and Old
+ My Watch
+ Political Economy
+ The Jumping Frog
+ Journalism in Tennessee
+ The Story of the Bad Little Boy
+ The Story of the Good Little Boy
+ A Couple of Poems by Twain and Moore
+ Niagara
+ Answers to Correspondents
+ To Raise Poultry
+ Experience of the Mcwilliamses with Membranous Croup
+ My First Literary Venture
+ How the Author Was Sold in Newark
+ The Office Bore
+ Johnny Greer
+ The Facts in the Case of the Great Beef Contract
+ The Case of George Fisher
+ Disgraceful Persecution of a Boy
+ The Judges "Spirited Woman"
+ Information Wanted
+ Some Learned Fables, for Good Old Boys and Girls
+ My Late Senatorial Secretaryship
+ A Fashion Item
+ Riley-newspaper Correspondent
+ A Fine Old Man
+ Science Vs. Luck
+ The Late Benjamin Franklin
+ Mr. Bloke's Item
+ A Medieval Romance
+ Petition Concerning Copyright
+ After-dinner Speech
+ Lionizing Murderers
+ A New Crime
+ A Curious Dream
+ A True Story
+ The Siamese Twins
+ Speech at the Scottish Banquet in London
+ A Ghost Story
+ The Capitoline Venus
+ Speech on Accident Insurance
+ John Chinaman in New York
+ How I Edited an Agricultural Paper
+ The Petrified Man
+ My Bloody Massacre
+ The Undertaker's Chat
+ Concerning Chambermaids
+ Aurelia's Unfortunate Young Man
+ "After" Jenkins
+ About Barbers
+ "Party Cries" in Ireland
+ The Facts Concerning The Recant Resignation
+ History Repeats Itself
+ Honored as a Curiosity
+ First Interview Kith Artemus Ward
+ Cannibalism in The Cars
+ The Killing of Julius Caesar "Localized"
+ The Widow's Protest
+ The Scriptural Panoramist
+ Curing a Cold
+ A Curious Pleasure Excursion
+ Running for Governor
+ A Mysterious Visit
+The Curious Republic of Gondour and Other Whimsical Sketches
+ The Curious Republic of Gondour
+ A Memory
+ Introductory to "Memoranda".
+ About Smells
+ A Couple of Sad Experiences
+ Dan Murphy
+ The "Tournament" in A.d. 1870
+ Curious Relic for Sale
+ A Reminiscence of The Back Settlements
+ A Royal Compliment
+ The Approaching Epidemic
+ The Tone-imparting Committee
+ Our Precious Lunatic
+ The European War
+ The Wild Man Interviewed
+ Last Words of Great Men
+The Facts Concerning The Recent Carnival of Crime in Connecticut
+Mark Twain's [Date, 1601]
+ Conversation as it Was by The Social Fireside in The Time of The Tudors
+The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
+The Loves of Alonzo Fitz Clarence and Rosannah EThelton and Other Stories
+ The Loves of Alonzo Fitz Clarence and Rosannah Ethelton
+ On The Decay of The Art of Lying
+ About Magnanimous-incident Literature
+ The Grateful Poodle
+ The Benevolent Author
+ The Grateful Husband
+ Punch, Brothers, Punch
+ The Great Revolution in Pitcairn
+ The Canvasser's Tale
+ An Encounter with an Interviewer
+ Paris Notes
+ Legend of Sagenfeld, in Germany
+ Speech on The Babies
+ Speech on The Weather
+ Concerning The American Language
+ Rogers
+Some Rambling Notes of an Idle Excursion
+The Stolen White Elephant
+A Tramp Abroad
+The Prince and The Pauper
+Life on The Mississippi
+The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
+A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court
+The American Claimant
+Extracts from Adam's Diary
+In Defence of Harriet Shelley
+Fenimore Cooper's Literary Offences
+Essays on Paul Bourget
+ What Paul Bourget Thinks of Us
+ A Little Note to M. Paul Bourget
+Tom Sawyer Abroad
+The Tragedy of Pudd'nhead Wilson
+Those Extraordinary Twins
+Personal Recollections of Joan of Arc
+Tom Sawyer, Detective
+Following The Equator, a Journey Around The World
+The Man That Corrupted Hadleyburg
+The Hadleyberg Other Stories
+ My First Lie, and How I Got out of it
+ The Esquimaux Maiden's Romance
+ Christian Science and The Book of Mrs. Eddy
+ Is He Living or Is He Dead?
+ My Debut as a Literary Person
+ At The Appetite-cure
+ Concerning The Jews
+ From The 'London Times' of 1904
+ About Play-acting
+ Travelling with a Reformer
+ Diplomatic Pay and CloThes
+ Luck
+ The Captain's Story
+ Stirring Times in Austria
+ Meisterschaft
+ My Boyhood Dreams
+ To The above Old People
+ In Memoriam--Olivia Susan Clemens
+What Is Man and Other Essays
+ What Is Man?
+ The Death of Jean
+ The Turning-point of My Life
+ How to Make History Dates Stick
+ The Memorable Assassination
+ A Scrap of Curious History
+ Switzerland, The Cradle of Liberty
+ At The Shrine of St. Wagner
+ William Dean Howells
+ English as She Is Taught
+ A Simplified Alphabet
+ As Concerns Interpreting The Deity
+ Concerning Tobacco
+ Taming The Bicycle
+ Is Shakespeare Dead?
+The Mysterious Stranger and Other Stories
+ The Mysterious Stranger
+ A Fable
+ Hunting The Deceitful Turkey
+ The Mcwilliamses and The Burglar Alarm
+A Double Barreled Detective
+A Dog's Tale
+The $30,000 Bequest and Other Stories
+ The $30,000 Bequest
+ A Dog's Tale
+ Was it Heaven? Or Hell?
+ A Cure for The Blues
+ The Enemy Conquered; Or, Love Triumphant
+ The Californian's Tale
+ A Helpless Situation
+ A Telephonic Conversation
+ Edward Mills and George Benton: A Tale
+ The Five Boons of Life
+ The First Writing-machines
+ Italian Without a Master
+ Italian with Grammar
+ a Burlesque Biography
+ How to Tell a Story
+ General Washington's Negro Body-servant
+ Wit Inspirations of The "Two-year-olds"
+ An Entertaining Article
+ a Letter to The Secretary of The Treasury
+ Amended Obituaries
+ A Monument to Adam
+ A Humane Word from Satan
+ Introduction to "The New Guide of The
+ Conversation in Portuguese and English"
+ Advice to Little Girls
+ Post-mortem Poetry
+ The Danger of Lying in Bed
+ Portrait of King William Iii
+ Does The Race of Man Love a Lord?
+ Extracts from Adam's Diary
+ Eve's Diary
+A Horse's Tale
+Christian Science
+Extract from Captain Stormfield's Visit to Heaven
+Is Shakespeare Dead?
+On The Decay of The Art of Lying
+Goldsmith's Friend Abroad Again
+How to Tell a Story and Other Stories
+ How to Tell a Story
+ The Wounded Soldier
+ The Golden Arm
+ Mental Telegraphy Again
+ The Invalids Story
+Mark Twain's Speeches
+ Introduction
+ Preface
+ The Story of a Speech
+ Plymouth Rock and The Pilgrims
+ Compliments and Degrees
+ Books, Authors, and Hats
+ Dedication Speech
+ Die Schrecken Der Deutschen Sprache.
+ The Horrors of The German Language
+ German for The Hungarians
+ A New German Word
+ Unconscious Plagiarism
+ The WeaTher
+ The Babies
+ Our Children and Great Discoveries
+ Educating Theatre-goers
+ The Educational Theatre
+ Poets as Policemen
+ Pudd'nhead Wilson Dramatized
+ Daly Theatre
+ The Dress of Civilized Woman
+ Dress Reform and Copyright
+ College Girls
+ Girls
+ The Ladies
+ Woman's Press Club
+ Votes for Women
+ Woman-an Opinion
+ Advice to Girls
+ Taxes and Morals
+ Tammany and Croker
+ Municipal Corruption
+ Municipal Government
+ China and The Philippines
+ Theoretical and Practical Morals
+ Layman's Sermon
+ University Settlement Society
+ Public Education Association
+ Education and Citizenship
+ Courage
+ The Dinner to Mr. Choate
+ On Stanley and Livingstone
+ Henry M. Stanley
+ Dinner to Mr. Jerome
+ Henry Irving
+ Dinner to Hamilton W. Mabie
+ Introducing Nye and Riley
+ Dinner to Whitelaw Reid
+ Rogers and Railroads
+ The Old-fashioned Printer
+ Society of American Authors
+ Reading-room Opening
+ Literature
+ Disappearance of Literature
+ The New York Press Club Dinner
+ The Alphabet and Simplified Spelling
+ Spelling and Pictures
+ Books and Burglars
+ Authors' Club
+ Booksellers
+ "Mark Twain's First Appearance"
+ Morals and Memory
+ Queen Victoria
+ Joan of Arc
+ Accident Insurance--etc.
+ Osteopathy
+ Water-supply
+ Mistaken Identity
+ Cats and Candy
+ Obituary Poetry
+ Cigars and Tobacco
+ Billiards
+ The Union Right or Wrong?
+ An Ideal French Address
+ Statistics
+ Galveston Orphan Bazaar
+ San Francisco Earthquake
+ Charity and Actors
+ Russian Republic
+ Russian Sufferers
+ Watterson and Twain as Rebels
+ Robert Fulton Fund
+ Fulton Day, Jamestown
+ Lotos Club Dinner in Honor of Mark Twain
+ Copyright
+ In Aid of The Blind
+ Dr. Mark Twain, Farmeopath
+ Missouri University Speech
+ Business
+ Carnegie The Benefactor
+ On Poetry, Veracity, and Suicide
+ Welcome Home
+ An Undelivered Speech
+ Sixty-seventh Birthday
+ To The Whitefriars
+ The Ascot Gold Cup
+ The Savage Club Dinner
+ General Miles and The Dog
+ When in Doubt, Tell The Truth
+ The Day We Celebrate
+ Independence Day
+ Americans and The English
+ About London
+ Princeton
+ The St. Louis Harbor-boat "Mark Twain"
+ Seventieth Birthday
+Mark Twain's Letters 1853-1910
+ Arranged with Comment by Albert Bigelow Paine
+Mark Twain, a Biography, by Albert Bigelow Paine
+
+
+
+
+ SELECTED QUOTATIONS OF MARK TWAIN
+ By David Widger
+
+
+Project Gutenberg has now posted over sixty of the works of Mark Twain.
+It is hoped that this compilation of the editor's favorite quotations
+will be of interest and use. All the titles may be found using the
+Project Gutenberg search engine. After downloading a specific file,
+the location and complete context of the quotations may be found by
+inserting a small part of the quotation into the 'Find; or 'Search'
+funtions of the user's word processing program.
+
+The quotations are in two formats:
+ 1. Small paragraphs from the text.
+ 2. An alphabetized list of one-liners.
+
+The editor would be pleased to be contacted at <widger@cecomet.net>
+for comments, questions and criticism.
+
+D.W.
+
+
+
+
+FOLLOWING THE EQUATOR, by Mark Twain [feqtr10.txt] 2895
+
+Against nature to take an interest in familiar things
+Age after age, the barren and meaningless process
+All life seems to be sacred except human life
+But there are liars everywhere this year
+Capacity must be shown (in other work); in the law, concealment of it will do
+Christmas brings harassment and dread to many excellent people
+Climate which nothing can stand except rocks
+Creature which was everything in general and nothing in particular
+Custom supersedes all other forms of law
+Death in life; death without its privileges
+Every one is a moon, and has a dark side
+Exercise, for such as like that kind of work
+Explain the inexplicable
+Faith is believing what you know ain't so
+Forbids betting on a sure thing
+Forgotten fact is news when it comes again
+Get your formalities right--never mind about the moralities
+Give thanks that Christmas comes but once a year
+Good protections against temptations; but the surest is cowardice
+Goody-goody puerilities and dreary moralities
+Habit of assimilating incredibilities
+Human pride is not worth while
+Hunger is the handmaid of genius
+If the man doesn't believe as we do, we say he is a crank
+Inherited prejudices in favor of hoary ignorances
+It is easier to stay out than get out
+Man is the only animal that blushes--or needs to
+Meddling philanthropists
+Melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy
+Moral sense, and there is an Immoral Sense
+Most satisfactory pet--never coming when he is called
+Natural desire to have more of a good thing than he needs
+Neglected her habits, and hadn't any
+Never could tell a lie that anybody would doubt
+No nation occupies a foot of land that was not stolen
+No people who are quite so vulgar as the over-refined ones
+Notion that he is less savage than the other savages
+Only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want
+Ostentatious of his modesty
+Otherwise they would have thought I was afraid, which I was
+Pity is for the living, Envy is for the dead
+Prosperity is the best protector of principle
+Received with a large silence that suggested doubt
+Seventy is old enough--after that, there is too much risk
+Silent lie and a spoken one
+Sinking vessel, with no freight in her to throw over
+Takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you
+Thankfulness is not so general
+The man with a new idea is a Crank until the idea succeeds
+This is a poor old ship, and ought to be insured and sunk
+To a delicate stomach even imaginary smoke can convey damage
+Tourists showing how things ought to be managed
+Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been
+
+
+
+
+HADLEYBURG AND OTHER STORIES, by Mark Twain[MT#30][mthdb10.txt]3251
+
+Appelles meets Zenobia, the helper of all who suffer, and tells her his
+story, which moves her pity. By common report she is endowed with more
+than earthly powers; and since he cannot have the boon of death, he
+appeals to her to drown his memory in forgetfulness of his griefs--
+forgetfulness 'which is death's equivalent'.
+
+I do not remember my first lie, it is too far back; but I remember my
+second one very well. I was nine days old at the time, and had noticed
+that if a pin was sticking in me and I advertised it in the usual
+fashion, I was lovingly petted and coddled and pitied in a most agreeable
+way and got a ration between meals besides. It was human nature to want
+to get these riches, and I fell. I lied about the pin--advertising one
+when there wasn't any. You would have done it; George Washington did it,
+anybody would have done it. During the first half of my life I never
+knew a child that was able to rise above that temptation and keep from
+telling that lie.
+
+This establishment's name is Hochberghaus. It is in Bohemia, a short
+day's journey from Vienna, and being in the Austrian Empire is of course
+a health resort. The empire is made up of health resorts; it distributes
+health to the whole world. Its waters are all medicinal. They are
+bottled and sent throughout the earth; the natives themselves drink beer.
+
+But I think I have no such prejudice. A few years ago a Jew observed to
+me that there was no uncourteous reference to his people in my books, and
+asked how it happened. It happened because the disposition was lacking.
+I am quite sure that (bar one) I have no race prejudices, and I think I
+have no colour prejudices nor caste prejudices nor creed prejudices.
+Indeed, I know it. I can stand any society. All that I care to know is
+that a man is a human being--that is enough for me; he can't be any
+worse.
+
+
+
+
+HOW TELL A STORY AND OTHERS, by Mark Twain [MT#31][mthts10.txt]3250
+
+There are several kinds of stories, but only one difficult kind--the
+humorous. I will talk mainly about that one. The humorous story is
+American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The
+humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the telling; the
+comic story and the witty story upon the matter.
+
+The humorous story is strictly a work of art--high and delicate art--and
+only an artist can tell it; but no art is necessary in telling the comic
+and the witty story; anybody can do it. The art of telling a humorous
+story--understand, I mean by word of mouth, not print--was created in
+America, and has remained at home.
+
+
+
+
+DEFENCE OF HARRIET SHELLEY, by Mark Twain [MT#32][mtdhs10.txt]3171
+
+I have committed sins, of course; but I have not committed enough of them
+to entitle me to the punishment of reduction to the bread and water of
+ordinary literature during six years when I might have been living on the
+fat diet spread for the righteous in Professor Dowden's Life of Shelley,
+if I had been justly dealt with.
+
+Yet he has been resting both for a month, with Italian, and tea, and
+manna of sentiment, and late hours, and every restful thing a young
+husband could need for the refreshment of weary limbs and a sore
+conscience, and a nagging sense of shabbiness and treachery.
+
+The biographer throws off that extraordinary remark without any
+perceptible disturbance to his serenity; for he follows it with a
+sentimental justification of Shelley's conduct which has not a pang of
+conscience in it, but is silky and smooth and undulating and pious--a
+cake-walk with all the colored brethren at their best. There may be
+people who can read that page and keep their temper, but it is doubtful.
+
+
+
+
+FENIMORE COOPER OFFENCES, by Mark Twain [MT#33][mtfco10.txt]3172
+
+It seems to me that it was far from right for the Professor of English
+Literature in Yale, the Professor of English Literature in Columbia, and
+Wilkie Collins to deliver opinions on Cooper's literature without having
+read some of it. It would have been much more decorous to keep silent
+and let persons talk who have read Cooper.
+
+Cooper's art has some defects. In one place in 'Deerslayer,' and in the
+restricted space of two-thirds of a page, Cooper has scored 114 offences
+against literary art out of a possible 115. It breaks the record.
+
+I may be mistaken, but it does seem to me that Deerslayer is not a work
+of art in any sense; it does seem to me that it is destitute of every
+detail that goes to the making of a work of art; in truth, it seems to me
+that Deerslayer is just simply a literary delirium tremens.
+
+
+
+
+ESSAYS ON PAUL BOURGET, by Mark Twain [MT#34][mtpbg10.txt]3173
+
+Bret Harte got his California and his Californians by unconscious
+absorption, and put both of them into his tales alive. But when he came
+from the Pacific to the Atlantic and tried to do Newport life from study-
+conscious observation--his failure was absolutely monumental. Newport is
+a disastrous place for the unacclimated observer, evidently.
+
+It is my belief that there are some "national" traits and things
+scattered about the world that are mere superstitions, frauds that have
+lived so long that they have the solid look of facts. One of them is the
+dogma that the French are the only chaste people in the world. Ever
+since I arrived in France this last time I have been accumulating doubts
+about that.
+
+It would be too immodest. Also too gratuitously generous. And a shade
+too self-sufficient. No, he could not venture it. It would look too
+much like anxiety to get in at a feast where no plate had been provided
+for him.
+
+A foreigner can photograph the exteriors of a nation, but I think that
+that is as far as he can get. I think that no foreigner can report its
+interior--its soul, its life, its speech, its thought. I think that a
+knowledge of these things is acquirable in only one way; not two or four
+or six [years]--absorption; years and years of unconscious absorption;
+years and years of intercourse with the life concerned; of living it,
+indeed; sharing personally in its shames and prides, its joys and griefs,
+its loves and hates, its prosperities and reverses, its shows and
+shabbinesses, its deep patriotisms, its whirlwinds of political passion,
+its adorations--of flag, and heroic dead, and the glory of the national
+name. Observation? Of what real value is it? One learns peoples
+through the heart, not the eyes or the intellect.
+
+One may say the type of practical joker, for these people are exactly
+alike all over the world. Their equipment is always the same: a vulgar
+mind, a puerile wit, a cruel disposition as a rule, and always the spirit
+of treachery.
+
+
+
+
+A DOG'S TALE, by Mark Twain [MT#35][mtdtl10.txt]3174
+
+My father was a St. Bernard, my mother was a collie, but I am a
+Presbyterian. This is what my mother told me, I do not know these nice
+distinctions myself.
+
+And it was the same with phrases. She would drag home a whole phrase, if
+it had a grand sound, and play it six nights and two matinees, and
+explain it a new way every time--which she had to, for all she cared for
+was the phrase; she wasn't interested in what it meant, and knew those
+dogs hadn't wit enough to catch her, anyway. Yes, she was a daisy! She
+got so she wasn't afraid of anything, she had such confidence in the
+ignorance of those creatures.
+
+By and by came my little puppy, and then my cup was full, my happiness
+was perfect. It was the dearest little waddling thing, and so smooth and
+soft and velvety, and had such cunning little awkward paws, and such
+affectionate eyes, and such a sweet and innocent face; and it made me so
+proud to see how the children and their mother adored it, and fondled it,
+and exclaimed over every little wonderful thing it did. It did seem to
+me that life was just too lovely to--
+
+I have watched two whole weeks, and he doesn't come up! This last week a
+fright has been stealing upon me. I think there is something terrible
+about this. I do not know what it is, but the fear makes me sick
+
+
+
+
+A BURLESQUE AUTOBIOGRAPHY, by Mark Twain [MT#36][mtbbg10.txt]3175
+
+Ours is a noble old house, and stretches a long way back into antiquity.
+The earliest ancestor the Twains have any record of was a friend of the
+family by the name of Higgins. This was in the eleventh century, when
+our people were living in Aberdeen, county of Cork, England. Why it is
+that our long line has ever since borne the maternal name (except when
+one of them now and then took a playful refuge in an alias to avert
+foolishness), instead of Higgins, is a mystery which none of us has ever
+felt much desire to stir. It is a kind of vague, pretty romance, and we
+leave it alone. All the old families do that way.
+
+Then for the next two hundred years the family tree shows a succession of
+soldiers--noble, high-spirited fellows, who always went into battle
+singing; right behind the army, and always went out a-whooping, right
+ahead of it.
+
+Charles Henry Twain lived during the latter part of the seventeenth
+century, and was a zealous and distinguished missionary. He converted
+sixteen thousand South Sea islanders, and taught them that a dog-tooth
+necklace and a pair of spectacles was not enough clothing to come to
+divine service in. His poor flock loved him very, very dearly; and when
+his funeral was over, they got up in a body (and came out of the
+restaurant) with tears in their eyes, and saying, one to another, that he
+was a good tender missionary, and they wished they had some more of him.
+
+
+
+
+THE INNOCENTS ABROAD, by Mark Twain [MT#37][mtinn10.txt]3176
+
+Ancient painters never succeeded in denationalizing themselves
+Apocryphal New Testament
+Astonishing talent for seeing things that had already passed
+Bade our party a kind good-bye, and proceeded to count spoons
+Base flattery to call them immoral
+Bones of St Denis
+But it is an ill-wind that blows nobody good
+Buy the man out, goodwill and all
+By dividing this statement up among eight
+Carry soap with them
+Chapel of the Invention of the Cross
+Christopher Colombo
+Clustered thick with stony, mutilated saints
+Commend me to Fennimore Cooper to find beauty in the Indians
+Conceived a sort of unwarrantable unfriendliness
+Confer the rest of their disastrous patronage on some other firm
+Creator made Italy from designs by Michael Angelo!
+Cringing spirit of those great men
+Diffident young man, mild of moustache, affluent of hair
+Expression
+Felt that it was not right to steal grapes
+Fenimore Cooper Indians
+Filed away among the archives of Russia--in the stove
+For dismal scenery, I think Palestine must be the prince
+Free from self-consciousness--which is at breakfast
+Fumigation is cheaper than soap
+Fun--but of a mild type
+Getting rich very deliberately--very deliberately indeed
+Guides
+Have a prodigious quantity of mind
+He never bored but he struck water
+He ought to be dammed--or leveed
+Holy Family always lived in grottoes
+How tame a sight his country's flag is at home
+I am going to try to worry along without it
+I carried the sash along with me--I did not need the sash
+I had a delicacy about going home and getting thrashed
+I was not scared, but I was considerably agitated
+Is, ah--is he dead?
+It is a hopeless, dreary, heart-broken land
+It is inferior--for coffee--but it is pretty fair tea
+It used to be a good hotel, but that proves nothing
+It was warm. It was the warmest place I ever was in
+Joshua
+Journals so voluminously begun
+Keg of these nails--of the true cross
+Lean and mean old age
+Man peculiarly and insufferably self-conceited: not seasick
+Marks the exact centre of the earth
+Nauseous adulation of princely patrons
+Never did succeed in making those idiots understand their own language
+Never left any chance for newspaper controversies
+Never uses a one-syllable word when he can think of a longer one
+No satisfaction in being a Pope in those days
+Not afraid of a million Bedouins
+Not bring ourselves to think St John had two sets of ashes
+Old Travelers
+One is apt to overestimate beauty when it is rare
+Only solitary thing one does not smell in Turkey
+Oriental splendor!
+Original first shoddy contract mentioned in history
+Overflowing his banks
+People talk so glibly of "feeling," "expression," "tone,"
+Perdition catch all the guides
+Picture which one ought to see once--not oftener
+Polite hotel waiter who isn't an idiot
+Relic matter a little overdone?
+Room to turn around in, but not to swing a cat
+Saviour, who seems to be of little importance any where in Rome
+Self-satisfied monarch, the railroad conductor of America
+Sentimental praises of the Arab's idolatry of his horse
+She assumes a crushing dignity
+Shepherd's Hotel, which is the worst on earth
+Smell about them which is peculiar but not entertaining
+Some people can not stand prosperity
+Somewhat singular taste in the matter of relics
+St Charles Borromeo, Bishop of Milan
+St Helena, the mother of Constantine
+Starving to death
+Stirring times here for a while if the last trump should blow
+Tahoe means grasshoppers. It means grasshopper soup
+The information the ancients didn't have was very voluminous
+The Last Supper
+There was a good deal of sameness about it
+They were like nearly all the Frenchwomen I ever saw --homely
+They were seasick. And I was glad of it
+Those delightful parrots who have "been here before"
+To give birth to an idea
+Toll the signal for the St Bartholomew's Massacre
+Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness
+Uncomplaining impoliteness
+Under the charitable moon
+Used fine tooth combs--successfully
+Venitian visiting young ladies
+Wandering Jew
+Wasn't enough of it to make a pie
+We all like to see people seasick when we are not, ourselves
+Well provided with cigars and other necessaries of life
+What's a fair wind for us is a head wind to them
+Whichever one they get is the one they want
+Who have actually forgotten their mother tongue in three months
+Worth while to get tired out, because one so enjoys resting
+
+
+
+
+ROUGHING IT, by Mark Twain [MT#38][mtrit10.txt]3177
+
+Aim and object of the law and lawyers was to defeat justice
+American saddle
+Cayote is a living, breathing allegory of Want
+Children were clothed in nothing but sunshine
+Contempt of Court on the part of a horse
+Feared a great deal more than the almighty
+Fertile in invention and elastic in conscience
+Give one's watch a good long undisturbed spell
+He was nearly lightnin' on superintending
+He was one of the deadest men that ever lived
+Hotel clerk who was crusty and disobliging
+I had never seen lightning go like that horse
+Juries composed of fools and rascals
+List of things which we had seen and some other people had not
+Man was not a liar he only missed it by the skin of his teeth
+Most impossible reminiscences sound plausible
+Native canoe is an irresponsible looking contrivance
+Never knew there was a hell!
+Nothing that glitters is gold
+Profound respect for chastity--in other people
+Scenery in California requires distance
+Slept, if one might call such a condition by so strong a name
+Useful information and entertaining nonsense
+Virtuous to the verge of eccentricity
+
+
+
+
+THE GILDED AGE, by Twain and Warner [MT#39][mtgld10.txt]3178
+
+Accidental murder resulting from justifiable insanity
+Always trying to build a house by beginning at the top
+Appropriation
+Beautiful credit! The foundation of modern society
+Believed it; because she desired to believe it
+Best intentions and the frailest resolution
+Big babies with beards
+Cheap sentiment and high and mighty dialogue
+Conscious superiority
+Does your doctor know any thing
+Enjoy icebergs--as scenery but not as company
+Erie RR: causeway of cracked rails and cows, to the West
+Fever of speculation
+Final resort of the disappointed of her sex, the lecture platform
+Geographical habits
+Get away and find a place where he could despise himself
+Gossips were soon at work
+Grand old benevolent National Asylum for the Helpless
+Grief that is too deep to find help in moan or groan or outcry
+Haughty humility
+Having no factitious weight of dignity to carry
+Imagination to help his memory
+Invariably advised to settle--no matter how, but settle
+Invariably allowed a half for shrinkage in his statements
+Is this your first visit?
+It had cost something to upholster these women
+Large amount of money necessary to make a small hole
+Later years brought their disenchanting wisdom
+Let me take your grief and help you carry it
+Life a vanity and a burden, and the future but a way to death
+Mail train which has never run over a cow
+Meant no harm they only wanted to know
+Money is most difficult to get when people need it most
+Never sewed when she could avoid it. Bless her!
+Nursed his woe and exalted it
+Predominance of the imagination over the judgment
+Question was asked and answered--in their eyes
+Riches enough to be able to gratify reasonable desires
+Road, which did not seem to know its own mind exactly
+Sarcasms of fate
+Sleep that heals all heart-aches and ends all sorrows
+Small gossip stood a very poor chance
+Sun bothers along over the Atlantic
+Think a Congress of ours could convict the devil of anything
+Titles never die in America
+Too much grace and too little wine
+Understood the virtues of "addition, division and silence"
+Unlimited reliance upon human promises
+Very pleasant man if you were not in his way
+Wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two millions
+"We must create, a public opinion," said Senator Dilworthy
+We'll make you think you never was at home before
+We've all got to come to it at last, anyway!
+Widened, and deepened, and straightened--(Public river Project)
+Wished that she could see his sufferings now
+Your absence when you are present
+
+
+
+
+THE AMERICAN CLAIMANT, by Mark Twain [MT#40][mtacl10.txt]3179
+
+He's a kind of an aristocrat, his father being a doctor, and you know
+what style that is--in England, I mean, because in this country a doctor
+ain't so very much, even if he's that.
+
+Hasn't any culture but the artificial culture of books, which adorns but
+doesn't really educate.
+
+A discriminating irreverence is the creator and protector of human
+liberty.
+
+The exercise of an extraordinary gift is the supremest pleasure in life.
+
+Oh, just to work--that is life! No matter what the work is--that's of no
+consequence. Just work itself is bliss when a man's been starving for
+it.
+
+What right has Goethe, what right has Arnold, what right has any
+dictionary, to define the word Irreverence for me? What their ideals are
+is nothing to me. So long as I reverence my own ideals my whole duty is
+done, and I commit no profanation if I laugh at theirs. I may scoff at
+other people's ideals as much as I want to. It is my right and my
+privilege. No man has any right to deny it.
+
+No throne was ever set up by the unhampered vote of a majority of any
+nation; and that hence no throne exists that has a right to exist, and no
+symbol of it, flying from any flagstaff, is righteously entitled to wear
+any device but the skull and crossbones of that kindred industry which
+differs from royalty only business-wise--merely as retail differs from
+wholesale.
+
+
+
+
+DOUBLE BARRELLED DETECTIVE, by Mark Twain [MT#41][mtdbd10.txt]3180
+
+"We ought never to do wrong when people are looking."
+
+"The regularest man that ever was," said Jake Parker, the blacksmith:
+"you can tell when it's twelve just by him leaving, without looking at
+your Waterbury."
+
+The sheriff that lets a mob take a prisoner away from him is the lowest-
+down coward there is. By the statistics there was a hundred and eighty-
+two of them drawing sneak pay in America last year. By the way it's
+going, pretty soon there 'll be a new disease in the doctor-books--
+sheriff complaint." That idea pleased him--any one could see it.
+"People will say, 'Sheriff sick again?' 'Yes; got the same old thing.'
+And next there 'll be a new title. People won't say, 'He's running for
+sheriff of Rapaho County,' for instance; they'll say, 'He's running for
+Coward of Rapaho.' Lord, the idea of a grown-up person being afraid of a
+lynch mob!"
+
+
+
+
+THE STOLEN WHITE ELEPHANT, by Mark Twain [MT#42][mtswe10.txt]3181
+
+Left out of A Tramp Abroad, because it was feared that some of the
+particulars had been exaggerated, and that others were not true. Before
+these suspicions had been proven groundless, the book had gone to press.
+--M. T.]
+
+"Well, as to what he eats--he will eat anything. He will eat a man, he
+will eat a Bible--he will eat anything between a man and a Bible."--"Good
+very good, indeed, but too general. Details are necessary--details are
+the only valuable things in our trade. Very well--as to men. At one
+meal--or, if you prefer, during one day--how man men will he eat, if
+fresh?"--"He would not care whether they were fresh or not; at a single
+meal he would eat five ordinary men.
+
+Elephant arrived here from the south and passed through toward the forest
+at 11.50, dispersing a funeral on the way, and diminishing the mourners
+by two.
+
+
+
+
+RAMBLING IDLE EXCURSION, by Mark Twain [MT#43][mtrid10.txt]3182
+
+Straight roads reveal everything at a glance and kill interest.
+
+All the journeyings I had ever done had been purely in the way of
+business. The pleasant May weather suggested a novelty namely, a trip
+for pure recreation, the bread-and-butter element left out. The Reverend
+said he would go, too; a good man, one of the best of men, although a
+clergyman.
+
+We went ashore and found a novelty of a pleasant nature: there were no
+hackmen, hacks, or omnibuses on the pier or about it anywhere, and nobody
+offered his services to us, or molested us in any way. I said it was
+like being in heaven. The Reverend rebukingly and rather pointedly
+advised me to make the most of it, then.
+
+There's cats around here with names that would surprise you. "Maria" (to
+his wife), "what was that cat's name that eat a keg of ratsbane by
+mistake over at Hooper's, and started home and got struck by lightning
+and took the blind staggers and fell in the well and was 'most drowned
+before they could fish him out?"--"That was that colored Deacon Jackson's
+cat. I only remember the last end of its name, which was Hold-The-Fort-
+For-I-Am-Coming Jackson."
+
+
+
+
+CARNIVAL OF CRIME IN CT., by Mark Twain [MT#44][mtccc10.txt]3183
+
+Yes, but you did; you lied to him."--I felt a guilty pang--in truth, I
+had felt it forty times before that tramp had traveled a block from my
+door--but still I resolved to make a show of feeling slandered; so I
+said: "This is a baseless impertinence. I said to the tramp--"--
+"There--wait. You were about to lie again. I know what you said to him.
+You said the cook was gone down-town and there was nothing left from
+breakfast. Two lies. You knew the cook was behind the door, and plenty
+of provisions behind her."
+
+I never did a thing in all my life, virtuous or otherwise, that I didn't
+repent of in twenty-four hours.
+
+In conclusion, I wish to state, by way of advertisement, that medical
+colleges desiring assorted tramps for scientific purposes, either by the
+gross, by cord measurement, or per ton, will do well to examine the lot
+in my cellar before purchasing elsewhere, as these were all selected and
+prepared by myself, and can be had at a low rate; because I wish to
+clear, out my stock and get ready for the spring trade.
+
+
+
+
+ALONZO FITZ AND OTHERS, by Mark Twain [MT#45][mtlaf10.txt]3184
+
+It was well along in the forenoon of a bitter winter's day. The town of
+Eastport, in the state of Maine, lay buried under a deep snow that was
+newly fallen. The customary bustle in the streets was wanting. One
+could look long distances down them and see nothing but a dead-white
+emptiness, with silence to match. Of course I do not mean that you could
+see the silence--no, you could only hear it.
+
+"That clock's wrong again. That clock hardly ever knows what time it is;
+and when it does know, it lies about it--which amounts to the same thing.
+Alfred!"
+
+
+
+
+THOSE EXTRAORDINARY TWINS, by Mark Twain [MT#46][mtext10.txt]3185
+
+A man who is born with the novel-writing gift has a troublesome time of
+it when he tries to build a novel. I know this from experience. He has
+no clear idea of his story; in fact he has no story. He merely has some
+people in his mind, and an incident or two, also a locality. He knows
+these people, he knows the selected locality, and he trusts that he can
+plunge those people into those incidents with interesting results. So he
+goes to work. To write a novel? No--that is a thought which comes
+later; in the beginning he is only proposing to tell a little tale; a
+very little tale; a six-page tale. But as it is a tale which he is not
+acquainted with, and can only find out what it is by listening as it goes
+along telling itself, it is more than apt to go on and on and on till it
+spreads itself into a book. I know about this, because it has happened
+to me so many times.
+
+I didn't know what to do with her. I was as sorry for her as anybody
+could be, but the campaign was over, the book was finished, she was
+sidetracked, and there was no possible way of crowding her in, anywhere.
+I could not leave her there, of course; it would not do. After spreading
+her out so, and making such a to-do over her affairs, it would be
+absolutely necessary to account to the reader for her. I thought and
+thought and studied and studied; but I arrived at nothing. I finally saw
+plainly that there was really no way but one--I must simply give her the
+grand bounce. It grieved me to do it, for after associating with her so
+much I had come to kind of like her after a fashion, notwithstanding she
+was such an ass and said such stupid irritating things and was so
+nauseatingly sentimental. Still it had to be done. So, at the top of
+Chapter XVII, I put in a "Calendar" remark concerning July Fourth, and
+began the chapter with this statistic: "Rowena went out in the back yard
+after supper to see the fireworks and fell down the well and got
+drowned." It seemed abrupt, but I thought maybe the reader wouldn't
+notice it, because I changed the subject right away to something else.
+
+
+
+
+THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER, by Mark Twain [MT#47][mtmst10.txt]3186
+
+It was in 1590--winter. Austria was far away from the world, and asleep;
+it was still the Middle Ages in Austria, and promised to remain so
+forever. Some even set it away back centuries upon centuries and said
+that by the mental and spiritual clock it was still the Age of Belief in
+Austria. But they meant it as a compliment, not a slur, and it was so
+taken, and we were all proud of it. I remember it well, although I was
+only a boy; and I remember, too, the pleasure it gave me.
+
+When we were finishing our house, we found we had a little cash left
+over, on account of the plumber not knowing it.
+
+I will explain that whenever I want a thing, and Mrs. McWilliams wants
+another thing, and we decide upon the thing that Mrs. McWilliams wants--
+as we always do--she calls that a compromise.
+
+What an ass you are!" he said. "Are you so unobservant as not to have
+found out that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination? No
+sane man can be happy, for to him life is real, and he sees what a
+fearful thing it is. Only the mad can be happy, and not many of those.
+The few that imagine themselves kings or gods are happy, the rest are no
+happier than the sane. Of course, no man is entirely in his right mind
+at any time, but I have been referring to the extreme cases.
+
+"Now there is the history of that burglar alarm--everything just as it
+happened; nothing extenuated, and naught set down in malice. Yes, sir,--
+and when I had slept nine years with burglars, and maintained an
+expensive burglar alarm the whole time, for their protection, not mine,
+and at my sole cost--for not a d---d cent could I ever get THEM to
+contribute--I just said to Mrs. McWilliams that I had had enough of that
+kind of pie; so with her full consent I took the whole thing out and
+traded it off for a dog, and shot the dog.
+
+
+
+
+CHRISTIAN SCIENCE, by Mark Twain [MT#48][mtcsc10.txt]3187
+
+This last summer, when I was on my way back to Vienna from the Appetite-
+Cure in the mountains, I fell over a cliff in the twilight, and broke
+some arms and legs and one thing or another, and by good luck was found
+by some peasants who had lost an ass, and they carried me to the nearest
+habitation, which was one of those large, low, thatch-roofed farm-houses,
+with apartments in the garret for the family, and a cunning little porch
+under the deep gable decorated with boxes of bright colored flowers and
+cats; on the ground floor a large and light sitting-room, separated from
+the milch-cattle apartment by a partition; and in the front yard rose
+stately and fine the wealth and pride of the house, the manure-pile.
+That sentence is Germanic, and shows that I am acquiring that sort of
+mastery of the art and spirit of the language which enables a man to
+travel all day in one sentence without changing cars.
+
+"I do not understand it. I believe she has not diagnosed the case with
+sufficient care. Did she look like a person who was theorizing, or did
+she look like one who has fallen off precipices herself and brings to the
+aid of abstract science the confirmations of personal experience?"--
+"Bitte?" --It was too large a contract for the Stubenmadchen's
+vocabulary; she couldn't call the hand. I allowed the subject to rest
+there, and asked for something to eat and smoke, and something hot to
+drink, and a basket to pile my legs in; but I could not have any of these
+things.
+
+Does she seem to be in full and functionable possession of her
+intellectual plant, such as it is?"--"Bitte?"--"Do they let her run at
+large, or do they tie her up?"
+
+
+
+
+MARK TWAIN'S SPEECHES, by Mark Twain [MT#49][mtmts10.txt]3188
+
+A little pride always goes along with a teaspoonful of brains
+Ain't any real difference between triplets and an insurrection
+Chastity, you can carry it too far
+Classic: everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read
+Don't know anything and can't do anything
+Dwell on the particulars with senile rapture
+Future great historian is lying--and doubtless will continue to
+Head is full of history, and some of it is true, too
+Humor enlivens and enlightens his morality
+I shall never be as dead again as I was then
+If can't make seventy by any but an uncomfortable road: don't go
+Kill a lot of poets for writing about "Beautiful Spring"
+Live upon the property of their heirs so long
+Morality is all the better for his humor
+Morals: rather teach them than practice them any day
+Never been in jail, and the other is, I don't know why
+Never to smoke when asleep, and never to refrain when awake
+Patriotism is usually the refuge of the scoundrel
+Please state what figure you hold him at--and return the basket
+Principles is another name for prejudices
+She bears our children--ours as a general thing
+Some civilized women would lose half their charm without dress
+The Essex band done the best it could
+Time-expired man, to use Kipling's military phrase
+To exaggerate is the only way I can approximate to the truth
+Two kinds of Christian morals, one private and the other public
+What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman?
+When in doubt, tell the truth
+Women always want to know what is going on
+
+
+
+
+SKETCHES NEW AND OLD, by Mark Twain [MT#50][mtsno10.txt]3189
+
+A wood-fire is not a permanent thing
+Accessory before the fact to his own murder
+Aggregate to positive unhappiness
+Always brought in 'not guilty'
+Apocryphal was no slouch of a word, emanating from the source
+Assertion is not proof
+Early to bed and early to rise
+I am useless and a nuisance, a cumberer of the earth
+I never was so scared before and survived it
+If I had sprung a leak now I had been lost
+Just about cats enough for three apiece all around
+Looked a look of vicious happiness
+Lucid and unintoxicated intervals
+No matter how absurd and unreasonable their demands
+No public can withstand magnanimity
+Not because I was afraid, but because I wanted to (go out the window)
+Permanent reliable enemy
+Science only needed a spoonful of supposition to build a mountain
+State of mind bordering on impatience
+Walking five miles to fish
+Was a good deal annoyed when it appeared he was going to die
+
+
+
+
+1601, by Mark Twain [MT#51][mtsxn10.txt]3190
+
+But suppose a literary artist ventured to go into a painstaking and
+elaborate description of one of these grisly things--the critics would
+skin him alive. Well, let it go, it cannot be helped; Art retains her
+privileges, Literature has lost hers. Somebody else may cipher out the
+whys and the wherefores and the consistencies of it--I haven't got time."
+
+Albert Bigelow Paine, Mark Twain's biographer, likewise acknowledged its
+greatness, when he said, "1601 is a genuine classic, as classics of that
+sort go. It is better than the gross obscenities of Rabelais, and
+perhaps in some day to come, the taste that justified Gargantua and the
+Decameron will give this literary refugee shelter and setting among the
+more conventional writing of Mark Twain. Human taste is a curious thing;
+delicacy is purely a matter of environment and point of view."
+
+Suppose Sir Walter [Scott] instead of putting the conversation into the
+mouths of his characters, had allowed the characters to speak for
+themselves? We should have had talk from Rebecca and Ivanhoe and the
+soft lady Rowena which would embarrass a tramp in our day. However, to
+the unconsciously indelicate all things are delicate."
+
+
+
+
+GOLDSMITH'S FRIEND ABROAD AGAIN, by Twain [MT#52][mtgfa10.txt]3191
+
+No experience is set down in the following letters which had to be
+invented. Fancy is not needed to give variety to the history of a
+Chinaman's sojourn in America. Plain fact is amply sufficient.
+
+DEAR CHING-FOO: It is all settled, and I am to leave my oppressed and
+overburdened native land and cross the sea to that noble realm where all
+are free and all equal, and none reviled or abused--America!
+
+But he said, wait a minute--I must be vaccinated to prevent my taking the
+small-pox. I smiled and said I had already had the small-pox, as he
+could see by the marks, and so I need not wait to be "vaccinated," as he
+called it. But he said it was the law, and I must be vaccinated anyhow.
+The doctor would never let me pass, for the law obliged him to vaccinate
+all Chinamen and charge them ten dollars apiece for it, and I might be
+sure that no doctor who would be the servant of that law would let a fee
+slip through his fingers to accommodate any absurd fool who had seen fit
+to have the disease in some other country.
+
+And I grew still more uneasy, when I found that any succored and
+befriended refugee from Ireland or elsewhere could stand up before that
+judge and swear, away the life or liberty or character of a refugee from
+China; but that by the law of the land the Chinaman could not testify
+against the Irishman.
+
+
+
+
+CURIOUS REPUBLIC OF GONDOUR, by Mark Twain [MT#53][mtcrg10.txt]3192
+
+I found that the nation had at first tried universal suffrage pure and
+simple, but had thrown that form aside because the result was not
+satisfactory. It had seemed to deliver all power into the hands of the
+ignorant and non-tax-paying classes; and of a necessity the responsible
+offices were filled from these classes also.
+
+That last--and saddest evidence of intellectual poverty, the Pun.
+
+Mrs. Murphy jumped to the conclusion that it would only cost two or
+three dollars to embalm her dead husband, and so she telegraphed "Yes."
+It was at the "wake" that the bill for embalming arrived and was
+presented to the widow. She uttered a wild, sad wail, that pierced every
+heart, and said: "Sivinty-foive dollars for stoofhn' Dan, blister their
+sowls! Did thim divils suppose I was goin' to stairt a Museim, that I'd
+be dalin' in such expinsive curiassities!"
+
+I kind of dodged, and the boot-jack broke the looking-glass. I could
+have waited to see what became of the other missiles if I had wanted to,
+but I took no interest in such things.
+
+
+
+
+TWAIN'S LETTERS V1 1835-1866 by A. B. Paine[MT#54][mt1lt10.txt]3193
+
+A mighty national menace to sham
+All talk and no cider
+Condition my room is always in when you are not around
+Deprived of the soothing consolation of swearing
+Frankness is a jewel; only the young can afford it
+Genius defies the laws of perspective
+Hope deferred maketh the heart sick
+I never greatly envied anybody but the dead
+In the long analysis of the ages it is the truth that counts
+Just about enough cats to go round
+Moral bulwark reared against hypocrisy and superstition
+The coveted estate of silence, time's only absolute gift
+We went outside to keep from getting wet
+What a pleasure there is in revenge!
+When in doubt, tell the truth
+When it is my turn, I don't
+
+
+
+
+TWAIN'S LETTERS V2 1867-1875 by A. B. Paine[MT#55][mt2lt10.txt]3194
+
+DEAR REDPATH,--I wish you would get me released from the lecture at
+Buffalo. I mortally hate that society there, and I don't doubt they
+hired me. I once gave them a packed house free of charge, and they never
+even had the common politeness to thank me. They left me to shift for
+myself, too, a la Bret Harte at Harvard. Get me rid of Buffalo!
+Otherwise I'll have no recourse left but to get sick the day I lecture
+there. I can get sick easy enough.
+
+I send you No. 5 today. I have written and re-written the first half of
+it three different times, yesterday and today, and at last Mrs. Clemens
+says it will do. I never saw a woman so hard to please about things she
+doesn't know anything about. Yours ever, MARK.
+
+This is the place to get a poor opinion of everybody in. There isn't one
+man in Washington, in civil office, who has the brains of Anson
+Burlingame--and I suppose if China had not seized and saved his great
+talents to the world, this government would have discarded him when his
+time was up. There are more pitiful intellects in this Congress! Oh,
+geeminy! There are few of them that I find pleasant enough company to
+visit. I am most infernally tired of Wash. and its "attractions." To
+be busy is a man's only happiness--and I am--otherwise I should die
+Yrs. aff. SAM.
+
+
+
+
+TWAIN'S LETTERS V3 1876-1885 by A. B. Paine[MT#56][mt3lt10.txt]3195
+
+It is interesting to note that in thanking Clemens for his compliment
+Howells wrote: "What people cannot see is that I analyze as little as
+possible; they go on talking about the analytical school, which I am
+supposed to belong to, and I want to thank you for using your eyes.....
+Did you ever read De Foe's 'Roxana'? If not, then read it, not merely
+for some of the deepest insights into the lying, suffering, sinning,
+well-meaning human soul, but for the best and most natural English that a
+book was ever written in."
+
+Pray offer my most sincere and respectful approval to the President--is
+approval the proper word? I find it is the one I most value here in the
+household and seldomest get.
+
+In the same letter he suggests to his brother that he undertake an
+absolutely truthful autobiography, a confession in which nothing is to be
+withheld. He cites the value of Casanova's memories, and the confessions
+of Rousseau.
+
+And I say this also: He that waiteth for all men to be satisfied with his
+plan, let him seek eternal life, for he shall need it.
+
+Well-good-bye, and a short life and a merry one be yours. Poor old
+Methusaleh, how did he manage to stand it so long?
+
+You are assisted in your damaging work by the tyrannous ways of a
+village-- villagers watch each other and so make cowards of each other.
+
+
+
+
+TWAIN'S LETTERS V4 1886-1900 by A. B. Paine[MT#57][mt4lt10.txt]3196
+
+And I have been an author for 20 years and an ass for 55
+Argument against suicide
+Conversationally being yelled at
+Dead people who go through the motions of life
+Die in the promptest kind of a way and no fooling around
+Heroic endurance that resembles contentment
+Honest men must be pretty scarce
+I wonder how they can lie so. It comes of practice, no doubt
+If this is going to be too much trouble to you
+One should be gentle with the ignorant
+Sunday is the only day that brings unbearable leisure
+Symbol of the human race ought to be an ax
+What a pity it is that one's adventures never happen!
+
+
+
+
+TWAIN'S LETTERS V5 1901-1906 by A. B. Paine[MT#58][mt5lt10.txt]3197
+
+I have seen that iceberg thirty-four times in thirty-seven voyages; it is
+always the same shape, it is always the same size, it always throws up
+the same old flash when the sun strikes it; you may set it on any New
+York door-step of a June morning and light it up with a mirror-flash; and
+I will engage to recognize it. It is artificial, and it is provided and
+anchored out by the steamer companies. I used to like the sea, but I was
+young then, and could easily get excited over any kind of monotony, and
+keep it up till the monotonies ran out, if it was a fortnight.
+
+It vexes me to catch myself praising the clean private citizen Roosevelt,
+and blaming the soiled President Roosevelt, when I know that neither
+praise nor blame is due to him for any thought or word or deed of his, he
+being merely a helpless and irresponsible coffee-mill ground by the hand
+of God.
+
+It was a presidential year and the air was thick with politics. Mark
+Twain was no longer actively interested in the political situation; he
+was only disheartened by the hollowness and pretense of office-seeking,
+and the methods of office-seekers in general.
+
+Shall we ever laugh again? If I could only see a dog that I knew in the
+old times! and could put my arms around his neck and tell him all,
+everything, and ease my heart. Think--in 3 hours it will be a week!--and
+soon a month; and by and by a year. How fast our dead fly from us.
+
+Aldrich was here half an hour ago, like a breeze from over the fields,
+with the fragrance still upon his spirit. I am tired of waiting for that
+man to get old.
+
+When a man is a pessimist before 48 he knows too much; if he is an
+optimist after it, he knows too little.
+
+
+
+
+TWAIN'S LETTERS V6 1907-1910 by A. B. Paine[MT#59][mt6lt10.txt]3198
+
+That doctor had half an idea that there is something the matter with my
+brain. . . Doctors do know so little and they do charge so much for
+it.
+
+You ought not to say sarcastic things about my "fighting on the other
+side." General Grant did not act like that. General Grant paid me
+compliments. He bracketed me with Zenophon--it is there in his Memoirs
+for anybody to read. He said if all the confederate soldiers had
+followed my example and adopted my military arts he could never have
+caught enough of them in a bunch to inconvenience the Rebellion. General
+Grant was a fair man, and recognized my worth; but you are prejudiced,
+and you have hurt my feelings.
+
+DEAR HOWELLS,--I have to write a line, lazy as I am, to say how your Poe
+article delighted me; and to say that I am in agreement with
+substantially all you say about his literature. To me his prose is
+unreadable--like Jane Austin's. No, there is a difference. I could read
+his prose on salary, but not Jane's. Jane is entirely impossible. It
+seems a great pity that they allowed her to die a natural death.
+
+
+
+
+COMPLETE LETTERS OF MARK TWAIN, by Paine [MT#60][mtclt10.txt]3199
+
+That doctor had half an idea that there is something the matter with my
+brain. . . Doctors do know so little and they do charge so much for
+it.
+
+Shall we ever laugh again? If I could only see a dog that I knew in the
+old times! and could put my arms around his neck and tell him all,
+everything, and ease my heart. Think--in 3 hours it will be a week!--and
+soon a month; and by and by a year. How fast our dead fly from us.
+
+I used to like the sea, but I was young then, and could easily get
+excited over any kind of monotony, and keep it up till the monotonies ran
+out.
+
+And I say this also: He that waiteth for all men to be satisfied with his
+plan, let him seek eternal life, for he shall need it.
+
+Well-good-bye, and a short life and a merry one be yours. Poor old
+Methusaleh, how did he manage to stand it so long?
+
+You are assisted in your damaging work by the tyrannous ways of a
+village-- villagers watch each other and so make cowards of each other.
+
+
+
+
+End of this Project Gutenberg Etext of Quotations of Mark Twain
+by David Widger
+
+
+
+Bookmarks:
+
+All life seems to be sacred except human life
+But there are liars everywhere this year
+If the man doesn't believe as we do, we say he is a crank
+It is easier to stay out than get out
+Man is the only animal that blushes--or needs to
+No nation occupies a foot of land that was not stolen
+No people who are quite so vulgar as the over-refined ones
+Notion that he is less savage than the other savages
+Ostentatious of his modesty
+Otherwise they would have thought I was afraid, which I was
+Pity is for the living, Envy is for the dead
+Prosperity is the best protector of principle
+Received with a large silence that suggested doubt
+Seventy is old enough--after that, there is too much risk
+Takes your enemy and your friend, working together, to hurt you
+The man with a new idea is a Crank until the idea succeeds
+To a delicate stomach even imaginary smoke can convey damage
+Tourists showing how things ought to be managed
+Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been
+But it is an ill-wind that blows nobody good
+Fun--but of a mild type
+I had a delicacy about going home and getting thrashed
+I was not scared, but I was considerably agitated
+It used to be a good hotel, but that proves nothing
+Keg of these nails--of the true cross
+People talk so glibly of "feeling," "expression," "tone,"
+Room to turn around in, but not to swing a cat
+Smell about them which is peculiar but not entertaining
+Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness
+Uncomplaining impoliteness
+Well provided with cigars and other necessaries of life
+What's a fair wind for us is a head wind to them
+Whichever one they get is the one they want
+Worth while to get tired out, because one so enjoys resting
+Aim and object of the law and lawyers was to defeat justice
+Cayote is a living, breathing allegory of Want
+Children were clothed in nothing but sunshine
+Contempt of Court on the part of a horse
+Fertile in invention and elastic in conscience
+Man was not a liar he only missed it by the skin of his teeth
+Native canoe is an irresponsible looking contrivance
+Nothing that glitters is gold
+Profound respect for chastity--in other people
+Scenery in California requires distance
+Slept, if one might call such a condition by so strong a name
+Virtuous to the verge of eccentricity
+Always trying to build a house by beginning at the top
+Believed it; because she desired to believe it
+Best intentions and the frailest resolution
+Grief that is too deep to find help in moan or groan or outcry
+Haughty humility
+Imagination to help his memory
+Invariably allowed a half for shrinkage in his statements
+It had cost something to upholster these women
+Let me take your grief and help you carry it
+Life a vanity and a burden, and the future but a way to death
+Money is most difficult to get when people need it most
+Nursed his woe and exalted it
+Predominance of the imagination over the judgment
+Road, which did not seem to know its own mind exactly
+Sleep that heals all heart-aches and ends all sorrows
+Very pleasant man if you were not in his way
+Wasn't worth a cent two years ago, and now I owe two millions
+"We must create, a public opinion," said Senator Dilworthy
+Your absence when you are present
+
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+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #3432 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/3432)
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