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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/36476-h.zip b/36476-h.zip Binary files differnew file mode 100644 index 0000000..7ca572c --- /dev/null +++ b/36476-h.zip diff --git a/36476-h/36476-h.htm b/36476-h/36476-h.htm new file mode 100644 index 0000000..767a2c5 --- /dev/null +++ b/36476-h/36476-h.htm @@ -0,0 +1,8050 @@ +<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Transitional//EN" + "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-transitional.dtd"> +<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml"> +<head> +<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" + content="text/html; charset=us-ascii" /> +<meta content="pg2html (binary v0.18)" name="generator" /> +<title>The Project Gutenberg eBook of + Riches of Grace, + by E. E. Byrum. +</title> +<style type="text/css"> + body { margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; } + p { text-indent: 1em; + margin-top: .75em; + font-size: 100%; + text-align: justify; + margin-bottom: .75em; } + h1,h2,h3,h4,h5,h6 { text-align: center; } + h2 + p { font-weight: bold; } + h3 { font-weight: normal; } + hr { width: 50%; } + .foot { margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; text-align: justify; text-indent: -3em; font-size: 85%; } + .poem { margin-left: 10%; margin-right: 10%; margin-bottom: 1em; text-align: left; } + .poem .stanza { margin: 1em 0em 1em 0em; } + .poem p { margin: 0; padding-left: 3em; text-indent: -3em; } + .poem p.i2 { margin-left: 1.5em; } + .poem p.i4 { margin-left: 2.5em; } + span.pagenum { position: absolute; left: 2%; right: 90%; font-size: 8pt; color: gray; background-color: inherit; } + .quote { margin-left: 6%; margin-right: 6%; text-indent: 0em; } + .center { text-indent: 0; text-align: center; } + .right { text-indent: 0; text-align: right; } +span.right { float: right; clear: right; display: inline; } + .sc { font-variant: small-caps; } + div.ad { margin-left: 25%; margin-right: 25%; border: thin black solid; } + a { text-decoration: none!important; } +</style> +</head> +<body> + + +<pre> + +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Riches of Grace, by E. E. Byrum + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Riches of Grace + A Compilation of Experiences in the Christian Life + +Author: E. E. Byrum + +Release Date: June 20, 2011 [EBook #36476] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK RICHES OF GRACE *** + + + + +Produced by David Garcia, Joel Erickson and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<div style="height: 6em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page1" name="page1"></a>[1]</span></p> + +<p class="center" style="border: solid black 1px; border-left:none; border-right: none;"> +<small>CHRISTIAN LIFE SERIES</small> +</p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0001" id="h2H_4_0001"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h1> + Riches of Grace +</h1> + +<div style="height: 2em;"><br /><br /></div> + +<p class="center"> +A Compilation of Experiences in the <br /> +Christian Life—A Narration <br /> +of Trials and Victories <br /> +Along the Way +</p> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<p class="center"> +<big>BY E. E. BYRUM</big> +</p> + +<div style="height: 2em;"><br /><br /></div> + +<hr /> + +<div style="width: 50%; margin: auto;"> +<p class="quote"> + By grace are ye saved through faith.—Eph 2:8. +</p> +<p class="quote"> + Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may + obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.—Heb. 4:16. +</p> +</div> + +<hr /> + +<div style="height: 2em;"><br /><br /></div> + +<p class="center"> +GOSPEL TRUMPET COMPANY <br /> +Anderson, Indiana, U. S. A. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page2" name="page2"></a>[2]</span></p> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<p class="center"> +<span class="sc">Copyright, 1918 <br /> +<small>BY</small> <br /> +E. E. Byrum</span> +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page3" name="page3"></a>[3]</span></p> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<div class="ad"> + +<p class="quote"> +<span class="sc">Riches of Grace</span> +<span class="right">(Cloth) $1.00</span> +</p> + +<p class="center"> + OTHER BOOKS BY THE SAME AUTHOR +</p> +<p class="quote"> +<span class="sc">Startling Incidents and Experiences in the Christian Life</span> +<span class="right">(Cloth) $1.00</span> +</p> +<p class="quote"> +<span class="sc">The Ordinances of the Bible</span> +<span class="right">(Cloth) .40</span> +</p> +<p class="quote"> +<span class="sc">How We Got Our Bible</span> +<span class="right">(Paper) .10</span> +</p> +<p class="quote"> +<span class="sc">What Shall I Do To Be Saved?</span> +<span class="right">(Cloth) .35</span> +</p> +<p class="quote"> +<span class="sc">The Secret of Salvation: How to Get It and How to Keep It</span> +<span class="right">(Cloth) .60</span> +</p> + +</div> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page4" name="page4"></a>[4]</span></p> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<p><!--[Blank Page]--></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page5" name="page5"></a>[5]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_TOC" id="h2H_TOC"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + CONTENTS +</h2> +<table border="0" align="center" width="75%" summary="Table of Contents"> +<tr><td colspan="3" align="right"> Page</td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 1.</td><td>The Joy and Blessings of a Christian Life </td> +<td align="right"> <a href="#page13">13</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 2.</td><td>Experience of a Minister </td> +<td align="right"> <a href="#page21">21</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 3.</td><td>The Testimony of a Prisoner </td> +<td align="right"> <a href="#page55">55</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 4.</td><td>A Little Chinese Girl </td> +<td align="right"> <a href="#page59">59</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 5.</td><td>Persecutions and Victories of an Evangelist </td> +<td align="right"> <a href="#page69">69</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 6.</td><td>The Secret of a Perfect Life </td> +<td align="right"> <a href="#page89">89</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 7.</td><td>Conversion of a Young Jewish Rabbi </td> +<td align="right"> <a href="#page99">99</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 8.</td><td>Among Mohammedans in Egypt </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page129">129</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 9.</td><td>A Daughter's Faith Rewarded </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page141">141</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 10.</td><td>Missionary Experiences in British West Indies </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page145">145</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 11.</td><td>The Rescue of an Australian Lad </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page155">155</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 12.</td><td>Heathen Customs in China </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page159">159</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 13.</td><td>Deliverance from Discouragements and Extremism </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page167">167</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 14.</td><td>Liberated from Faultfinding </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page199">199</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 15.</td><td>Help from God in Fiery Trials </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page205">205</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 16.</td><td>Experience of a School-Teacher in India </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page235">235</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 17.</td><td>Unconquered Will Won by Love </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page237">237</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 18.</td><td>An Experience of a Hundred Years Ago </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page245">245</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 19.</td><td>An Indian Mother's Submission </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page253">253</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 20.</td><td>The Conversion of My Father </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page257">257</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 21.</td><td>My Spiritual Struggles and Victories </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page271">271</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 22.</td><td>Thought He had Sinned away His Day of Grace </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page283">283</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 23.</td><td>Spiritual Tests </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page293">293</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 24.</td><td>The Confession of a Murderer </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page301">301</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 25.</td><td>Making a Complete Surrender </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page307">307</a> </td></tr> + +<tr><td align="right"><p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page6" name="page6"></a>[6]</span></p> + 26.</td><td>Interesting Narratives and Helpful Instruction </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page313">313</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td> </td><td><i>a.</i> Failed to Forgive Those Who Wronged Him </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page315">315</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td> </td><td><i>b.</i> Despondency and Discouragement </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page316">316</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td> </td><td><i>c.</i> Unnecessary Self-Accusations </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page318">318</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td> </td><td><i>d.</i> Troubled about Making Confessions </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page319">319</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td> </td><td><i>e.</i> Accused God of Not Being Just </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page323">323</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td> </td><td><i>f.</i> When the Tempter Comes Oftenest </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page324">324</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td> </td><td><i>g.</i> Trials Made Stepping-Stones to Greater Victories </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page325">325</a> </td></tr> +<tr><td align="right"> 27.</td><td>Zion's Bank (A Poem) </td> +<td align="right"><a href="#page329">329</a> </td></tr> +</table> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page7" name="page7"></a>[7]</span></p> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<p><!--[Blank Page]--></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page8" name="page8"></a>[8]</span></p> + +<p><!--[Blank Page]--></p> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page9" name="page9"></a>[9]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0002" id="h2H_4_0002"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + Author's Preface +</h2> + +<p> +To be right with God and to have a constant knowledge of his approval is +the desire of every Christian. Many people deep in sin and others honest +at heart have a longing to live a righteous life, but they have always +found obstacles in their pathway and have been defeated in every +attempt. +</p> +<p> +In the preparation of this volume the author has aimed to refer to such +obstacles and hindrances in the lives of others, so that any one passing +through a trial or laboring under a heavy burden or oppression may, by +reading these narratives, learn how to find relief. +</p> +<p> +A lady who was victor over many trials and impositions of the enemy, and +who knew that I had been passing through some severe ordeals, said to +me: "It does me good, and is a source of great encouragement, even to +know that you and others who are supposed to be strong in faith have +trials and severe testings occasionally." It is hoped that the trials +and the victories + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page10" name="page10"></a>[10]</span> + + mentioned herein will be not only a source of +encouragement to others but such an inspiration to their faith that they +will be enabled to understand and do the will of God. +</p> +<p> +This book is a compilation of experiences from people in various parts +of the world who have written by special request of the author. The fact +that they were written by people in China, India, Australia, Egypt, West +Indies, and other countries, is evidence that although the environment +and circumstances may differ, yet God is everywhere the same to fulfil +the promises given in his Word, in all countries and among the people +of every nation. Although the names and addresses are not given, the +experiences are genuine, and the author will take pleasure in furnishing +information concerning any of them. +</p> +<p> +The "Experience of a Hundred Years Ago," given on page 245 was taken +from an old book that in my early childhood days I often saw my mother +read. The book was old and worn long before I was born, and I have only +a few pages as a relic of early + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page11" name="page11"></a>[11]</span> + + remembrances. It was entitled "The +Riches of Grace." +</p> +<p> +No doubt the title of this old book, together with a knowledge of the +comfort and consolation that my mother received from reading the many +Christian experiences it contained, contributed to my inspiration in +presenting these pages for the benefit of others. +</p> +<p> +I hereby acknowledge my indebtedness and heartfelt thanks to those who +have so kindly contributed to this compilation of experiences, and I +trust that every burdened soul that reads these experiences may take +courage and may henceforth abound in the riches of the grace of God. +</p> +<p> +Yours for a victorious life, +</p> +<p class="right"> +E. E. BYRUM. +</p> +<p> +Anderson, Indiana, January 16, 1918. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page12" name="page12"></a>[12]</span></p> + +<p><!--[Blank Page]--></p> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page13" name="page13"></a>[13]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0003" id="h2H_4_0003"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + RICHES OF GRACE +</h2> +<a name="h2H_4_0004" id="h2H_4_0004"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + The Joy and Blessings of a Christian Life +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 1 +</p> +<p> +The pathway of life has its shadows and sunshine, its pleasures and +sorrows; and in the Christian life, I am convinced, many people live in +the shadow more than in the sunshine, when they could very well have it +otherwise. +</p> +<p> +When I was about thirteen years of age, I yielded myself to the Lord and +made a decision to spend my life in his service. Since that time, like +Christian in Bunyan's "Pilgrim's Progress," I have met with many and +varied experiences; but one beautiful encouraging thought has been that, +no matter how hard my trials, how near my strength was gone, nor how +little my courage lacked of failing, just at that time, when I was the +most helpless, God was always present to help either by his Spirit or by + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page14" name="page14"></a>[14]</span> + + sending one of his servants to encourage and strengthen me. +</p> +<p> +I have, indeed, found the Christian life to be a warfare. Every +individual who enlists in the service of the Lord will have the forces +of evil to battle against, but God has made provision whereby every +child of God can be an overcomer in every conflict. The one who has a +firm decision to be true at any cost will receive such power and help +that Satan can not prevent him from serving the Lord. The enemy may +try to hinder by causing trials, difficulties, and perplexities, and +at times the way may seem dark, with no apparent hope of day; but our +God, who is mighty, will turn all these seeming hindrances into real +blessings and make them stepping-stones to glory. +</p> +<p> +In my youthful days I felt a deep desire to work for God and longed to +fill some place in life where I could feel that I not only was living a +life of salvation, but was really engaged in my Master's service. As I +knelt in earnest prayer and consecrated myself fully to the Lord for him +to direct me + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page15" name="page15"></a>[15]</span> + + as seemed best, a dark sorrow filled my heart; for Satan +whispered: "You are too young. You can not stand against the powers of +evil that all young people must meet. Your covenant with the Lord is too +great for you to keep." But with tears I cried unto the Lord to know if +these suggestions were true. At that moment the Lord gave me the +assurance that if I decided to serve him he would teach me how to do so. +He would give me grace in every time of need. +</p> +<p> +Some time after this I became very ill and knew unless God came to +my aid I should soon have to leave this world. As I thought of my +condition, a joy filled my soul that I might soon be with the Lord. +With this joy came also a sadness, as I realized that I had done nothing +in the vineyard of the Lord. It seemed that I could not bear to go +empty-handed. I prayed God to spare my life that I might work for him. +He graciously and instantly touched my body with his healing power, and +in a few days I was able to attend school. +</p> +<p> +Once I was about to make a decision and + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page16" name="page16"></a>[16]</span> + + take a step that would have +hindered me from filling the place the Lord designed I should fill. At +that moment the Lord made known to me by his Holy Spirit in such a way +that I could not question his leadings that he had called me to his +service, and also made known to me the place that I was chosen to fill. +Immediately I was reminded of my covenant with the Lord, although I had +to stand against the pleadings and earnest entreaties of some of my very +dear friends. +</p> +<p> +Before this I had decided not to leave my mother, but to work near +my home so that I could readily respond in case of sickness. After +considerable meditation about the matter of leaving my father and +mother, brothers and sisters, in order to take up my work for the Lord, +the matter became very serious. Finally I went to the Lord one morning +in earnest prayer. I shall never forget that season of prayer, when I +seemed to be in the direct presence of the Lord. My consecration was +put to a test as one question after another was presented, as to + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page17" name="page17"></a>[17]</span> + + whether +or not I should be willing to die, to really give my life, if God so +designed, that my unsaved loved ones might be saved, or to do the same +for lost souls who were not dear to me according to the ties of nature. +And again, should I be willing to give my life for lost sinners and +have them scoff and spurn me? These were hard questions, but my heart +said: "Lord, thy will be done. Where thou leadest I will follow." I was +solemnly impressed with the thought: Jesus came to save a lost world, +but they crucified him; instead of accepting his love, they rejected it. +</p> +<p> +Within a short time I had the matter settled beyond a doubt that the +time had come for me to enter upon the mission whereunto the Lord had +called me. The way began to open before me, and as I bid loved ones +farewell, a sweet assurance filled my soul that my decision and action +was in accordance with His will. It gave me much sorrow to leave home, +but God so blessed and directed me that I have never been sorry that I +obeyed his voice. Over and over I have + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page18" name="page18"></a>[18]</span> + + proved that God's way is best. +His way may cause pain and sorrow at times, which we may not be able to +understand, but in the end we can know of a truth that God has caused +all things to work together for our good and for his glory. +</p> +<p> +At one time I was very much tested, and discouragements presented +themselves. I was trying hard to be an overcomer and to cast every +burden upon the Lord. The enemy would suggest that it was of no use for +me to try to stand against the things that were oppressing me and that +it would be better to surrender, and even give place to discouragements, +and that even though I should come out a conqueror later, no one would +ever know anything about it. At first this suggestion seemed plausible, +but upon further consideration I said: "No, I will not surrender. If no +one else ever knows, I will know, God will know, and the devil will +know, that I stood true and came out victorious." This experience has +since that time often been a real encouragement to me. +</p> +<p> +At another time I had for weeks been + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page19" name="page19"></a>[19]</span> + + passing through real testing times. +Occasionally the trials would lift and God would bless my soul, but +again the darkness of depressions would settle over me. I began to weary +and to long for deliverance. The suggestion came that it would be better +for me to cease serving God and never to try again. Over and over +something whispered that there was no use to continue; that if others +who were older and better qualified fell by the wayside and could not +stand, there was positively no use in my trying. Finally the enemy +insisted that there was nothing else for me to do than to give up, and +that, after all, I was in a deplorable spiritual condition; that there +was no hope for me. At this point I discerned that it was the enemy, +and, kneeling before God, I promised him that if he could get more glory +out of my life by my being in such a trial all the rest of my days, +I was willing to submit to the trial. When I came to this decision my +trial vanished suddenly, and God poured the glory into my soul and + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page20" name="page20"></a>[20]</span> + + the victory was far sweeter than the trial had been bitter. +</p> +<p> +Sometimes I have had trials in which I could see no good nor from which +I could not perceive how any good could possibly result; but later I +would be enabled to know that those very trials were worth more to me +than any treasure this earth could afford. +</p> +<p> +As I look upon my past life and see how mercifully God has dealt with +me, how he has guided and protected, and how he has shielded me from the +power of the tempter, my heart cries out, "What a mighty God! What a +great and loving Father!" Counting my blessings, I find they so far +outnumber my trials that it brings me real courage to press on, knowing, +as I do, that grace will be given me to meet whatever may yet lie in my +pathway. "For there hath no temptation taken you but such as is common +to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above +that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to +escape, that ye may be able to bear it" (1 Cor. 10:13). +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page21" name="page21"></a>[21]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0005" id="h2H_4_0005"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + Experiences of a Minister +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 2 +</p> +<p> +A careworn woman once asked a philosopher how she might obtain relief +from and victory over the trials and sorrows of life. He said to her, +"Fetch me a cup of salt from some home where sorrow and care has never +entered, and I will then tell you the secret of victory." After a long +and weary journey, she returned to him saying that she had given up the +search in despair; for in all her travels she found no home entirely +free from care and sorrow. Like this poor woman, I once longed and +sought for some state or condition in life where I might be free from +the cares and perplexities that distressed me, but my search too seemed +fruitless. At last, after many disappointments, I found the more +excellent way of victory over my trials through simple, trusting faith +in Him who notes even the sparrow's fall. +</p> +<p> +Before I fully learned this lesson, there were times in my life when it +seemed I was + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page22" name="page22"></a>[22]</span> + + on the verge of despair, so severe were my trials. As I now +look back to those scenes and experiences, there come to my mind the +pathetic lines of Longfellow's poem "The Bridge." +</p> + +<div class="poem"> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> For my heart was hot and restless, </p> +<p class="i4"> And my life was full of care, </p> +<p class="i2"> And the burden laid upon me </p> +<p class="i4"> Seemed greater than I could bear. </p> +</div> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> But now it has fallen from me, </p> +<p class="i4"> It is buried in the sea; </p> +<p class="i2"> And only the sorrow of others </p> +<p class="i4"> Throws its shadow over me. </p> +</div> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> And I think how many thousands </p> +<p class="i4"> Of care-encumbered men, </p> +<p class="i2"> Each bearing his burden of sorrow, </p> +<p class="i4"> Have crossed the bridge since then. </p> +</div> +</div> + +<p> +For the sake of the many thousands who are still trying to bear their +own burdens, I send forth the following account of some of my life's +experiences. I trust the Lord may use it to help some on their way to +the feet of Him who said, "Come unto me, all ye + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page23" name="page23"></a>[23]</span> + + that labor and are +heavy-laden, and I will give you rest" (Matt. 11:28). +</p> +<p> +There are doubtless thousands whose sins have been forgiven, but +who have not yet learned by actual experience the precious privilege +expressed in these words: "Casting all your care upon him, for he careth +for you" (1 Pet. 5:7). An old lady was once trudging along a hot and +dusty highway carrying a heavy basket. She was soon overtaken by a kind +man, who invited her to take a seat in the rear of his carriage. After +some time had passed, he looked back to see how his passenger was +getting along, when he was astonished to see her holding that heavy +basket on her lap. "Grandma," said he, "there is plenty of room; why do +you not set your basket down?" "Oh," she replied, "you are so kind to +take me in that I thought I would make the load as light as possible for +your horses, so I concluded to carry the basket myself." We may smile at +her reply, yet many who have trusted the Lord to forgive their sins, are +nevertheless trying still to carry their own burdens. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page24" name="page24"></a>[24]</span></p> + +<h3> +MY CONVERSION +</h3> + +<p> +In early childhood I was taught to pray and to reverence God's Word. +I was deeply impressed with the truths that I learned at Sunday-school. +Even as a child I loved the preaching-service, and the Word of God made +a strong and lasting impression upon my mind. +</p> +<p> +When I was about ten years old, a revival was held in my home community. +At an afternoon service, held especially for the children, I responded +to the altar-call, and there I was completely broken up, the tears +running in profusion down my face. My dear mother knelt by my side: +"My boy," she said, "if you should desire anything good that I could +bestow upon you, would you ask me for it?" I promptly replied in the +affirmative. "Then," she continued, "would you believe that your request +would be granted?" Again I answered in the affirmative. "That is the way +to receive God's blessings," she said. "Now, when you ask the Lord to +forgive your sins, believe that + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page25" name="page25"></a>[25]</span> + + he hears and answers your prayer." +In simple, child-like faith I believed the promise, and the peace of +God gently flooded my soul. One of the most prominent features of my +childhood experience was the peculiar love I felt for every one. +I longed to see my companions saved. +</p> +<h3> +EARLY TRIALS +</h3> +<p> +Soon after my conversion and before that special series of meetings +closed, I heard the pastor relate the experience of a certain boy who +had sought and found the Lord. He said that after a period of earnest +seeking, all the darkness was instantly dispelled and the boy was +wonderfully saved. Judging from this vivid description, I decided +that the boy must have witnessed some sudden manifestation of light. +Immediately I began to doubt my experience. I was still more disturbed +when I saw older persons struggling night after night at the altar and +then finally experiencing some powerful emotions which seemed to be far +more wonderful than anything that I had experienced. + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page26" name="page26"></a>[26]</span> + + Sometimes I wished +that I too might go to the altar again and pray and struggle until some +wonderful demonstration should be given to me; but I was naturally +backward and timid, and could scarcely make up my mind to go through +such an ordeal of struggling as I had witnessed in some of more mature +years. +</p> +<h3> +ENCOURAGEMENTS +</h3> +<p> +Although at times I was greatly distressed, yet often when I was in +secret prayer, my heart was greatly comforted and I experienced seasons +of quiet, peaceful blessings. I noticed, too, that some who had +wonderful outward demonstrations at the time they were converted, did +not hold out very long, but soon drifted back into sin, while in my own +heart the desire still remained to be true to the Lord. +</p> +<h3> +CONFLICTS +</h3> +<p> +I did not, however, enjoy constant victory. At times I gave way to +ill-temper or selfish motives. My conscience being tender, + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page27" name="page27"></a>[27]</span> + + I often felt +instant condemnation after yielding to these things, and then I would +pour out my heart in secret prayer for forgiveness and for grace and +strength to resist the temptation more successfully the next time. I +remember, also, occasions when, upon the approach of temptation, I would +steal away to the secret place of prayer and ask for strength to keep me +sweet in my soul. I could then go forth to meet my trials with the +utmost calmness and serenity, and victory then seemed easy. +</p> +<p> +Although I had a Christian home, yet sorrows and trials came into my +young life, very painful ones at times. How often I would seek the place +of prayer and there in simple, child-like faith unburden my heart to the +Lord. Whenever I called upon him, he always gave me relief and never +failed to provide a way of escape from every temptation and difficulty. +</p> + +<div class="poem"> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> "In seasons of distress and grief, </p> +<p class="i2"> My soul has often found relief, </p> +<p class="i2"> And oft escaped the tempter's snare, </p> +<p class="i2"> By thy return, sweet hour of prayer." </p> +</div> +</div> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page28" name="page28"></a>[28]</span></p> + +<h3> +HEALING +</h3> +<p> +Although I had never received any definite teaching on the subject of +divine healing, yet almost intuitively, it seems, I would call upon the +Lord for help when afflicted, and would receive the needed help. Several +times my mother seemed to be at the point of death. With troubled heart, +I sought the place of prayer to tell the Lord all about it. My heart was +comforted, my prayers were answered, and Mother was spared. +</p> +<h3> +CALL TO THE MINISTRY +</h3> +<p> +Even in childhood I learned to pray and to testify in public. At first +these things were very hard for me, owing to my timid disposition. +However, I was always blessed in the effort. The impression came to me +early in life that some day I should preach the gospel; in fact, I would +occasionally find myself mentally addressing an imaginary audience. Many +of my acquaintances also were impressed that the ministry would be my +life-work. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page29" name="page29"></a>[29]</span></p> + +<h3> +DRIFTING +</h3> +<p> +As time went on, formality again found its way into our meetings, and I +also imbibed its spirit. My conscience was no longer as tender as it had +been, and I actually indulged in things that were sinful. Still I kept +up my profession, attended the services, testified and prayed in public, +and was generally counted a good Christian. +</p> +<h3> +CONVICTION +</h3> +<p> +At last a humble man of God became our pastor. Without fear, and yet in +gentleness and meekness, he preached the Word of God as far as he had +light. As I sat under his preaching, the truth went straight to my +heart, and I began to see my lack. The revival meeting had now begun, +and I saw that I must either serve God in earnest, obeying him in all +things, or quit professing. +</p> +<h3> +RECLAIMED +</h3> +<p> +One night after services, while on the way to my room, I resolved to get +where the Lord would have me to be even if I should + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page30" name="page30"></a>[30]</span> + + have to pray all +night. I began; but the more I prayed the worse I felt. I was shown one +thing after another that I should have to give up or make right if I +would enjoy God's favor. About the midnight hour, I had said the last +yes to God, and then came the test of faith. That very evening I had +heard the minister instructing seekers to give up all sin, to ask God's +forgiveness, and then to believe his promise that he forgives and +saves, whether any change was noticed in the feelings or not; and +although I had always longed for the great emotions I thought others had +experienced, yet in the absence of any particular feeling, I was willing +to believe God's promise. +</p> +<p> +When I first began to pray, I was conscious of a great deal of fear, +which deepened until it seemed I was almost in despair; but as I yielded +my will to God's will, all fears subsided, and just before I grasped the +promise, I was void of any particular emotion. It seemed to please the +Lord to take this plan to teach me that, after all, + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page31" name="page31"></a>[31]</span> + + salvation does not +come by feeling. Then calmly and quietly I laid hold upon the promise, +"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, +and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). I said to the +Lord, "Now I am willing to forsake all sin and do all thou wouldst have +me to do; and although I do not feel any great change, yet I believe +that, according to thy Word, thou dost save me now." Quietly but +earnestly I said from the depths of my heart, "Jesus saves me now." In +a short time the peace of God gently flooded my soul, and I knew that +my sins were forgiven. +</p> +<p> +After spending some time in peaceful communion with God, I went to +sleep, knowing beyond a doubt that if I should never awaken, my spirit +would immediately take its flight to the realms of the blest. In my +gratitude, the tears streamed down my face, and I wondered how I had +ever been content to live at such a distance from God as I had lived +during the past few years. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page32" name="page32"></a>[32]</span></p> + +<h3> +CONFLICT WITH DOUBTS +</h3> +<p> +When I awoke the next morning, the peace of God was still in my soul; +but Satan faintly whispered, "Perhaps, after all, you were mistaken last +night; you may not have a genuine experience of salvation." He suggested +also, "You do not feel quite so joyful as you did." In spite of all +this, I knew that a great change had taken place in me. Some whom I had +previously hated, I now most tenderly loved. Life had a new charm for +me, and I remarked to my mother that it seemed that I had just begun +to live. So in spite of all the doubts suggested by the evil one, I +testified publicly how God had most wonderfully blessed me. While +testifying, I was blessed again. +</p> +<h3> +FEELINGS +</h3> +<p> +I now turned my attention toward my feelings and decided that the normal +experience of the Christian was to be happy and joyful constantly. My +joy soon settled down into a deep, calm peace. Soon the enemy began to +suggest, "Where is your + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page33" name="page33"></a>[33]</span> + + joy? You must be losing out." At these times +I tried to stir my emotions again by meditation and earnest prayer. +However, I was not always successful; and often great distress settled +over my spirit. Sometimes I would almost decide that I must be unsaved, +although I also had victory over the sins that formerly held me in +bondage, and my supreme desire was to do God's will in all things. Yet +my feelings were so variable that perhaps one day I would feel glad and +joyful and would conclude that I was truly saved. At such times I would +decide never to doubt my experience again; then probably the next day, +if not the very same day, my feelings would change, and the old doubts +would come back again. +</p> +<h3> +SEVERE TEMPTATIONS +</h3> +<p> +I was also surprized in another respect. The old temptations that had +seemingly left me never to return, as I had hoped, came back with +renewed force. By earnest prayer, however, I obtained complete + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page34" name="page34"></a>[34]</span> + + deliverance. This taught me the necessity of watching and praying. +</p> +<h3> +RESTITUTION +</h3> +<p> +After some time I received light on the subject of restitution. Although +I had never committed any grave or serious wrongs against any one, yet +I need to confess some things and to make proper restitution to certain +individuals. This was very humbling to me, as I was generally considered +a good boy and a model young man in the community where I was born and +reared and where I still resided at the time of my restoration to the +favor of God. In fact, many seemed to believe that I was a pretty good +Christian at the very time I was in my backslidden condition. It, +therefore, took a great deal of grace to humble myself sufficiently to +make these wrongs right. However, I was always blessed in making the +required restitution. +</p> +<h3> +GOING TO EXTREMES +</h3> +<p> +At first Satan tried to keep me from making + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page35" name="page35"></a>[35]</span> + + any restitution. Then, after +I had started, and he saw he could not prevent me, he pushed me to the +other extreme. One little neglect or forgetfulness after another came to +mind until it seemed to me there would be no end of making reparation. +These little shortcomings were so trivial in their nature that, as I now +review them, I am convinced that they were either no wrongs at all or +else merely mistakes resulting from a lack of wisdom or knowledge, and +that they had been readily overlooked at the time or soon forgotten by +all parties concerned until my own mind began to search for them. +</p> +<p> +The following will suffice as a fair sample: I had by oversight +forgotten to return a borrowed lead pencil, which had been about +three-fourths used up. Months afterwards I happened to think of it, and +I became so worried and accused that I finally attempted restitution, +as I had already done in perhaps dozens of other just such trivial +instances. +</p> +<p> +I was also driven to the consideration of + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page36" name="page36"></a>[36]</span> + + my past conduct in the light +of my present experience. I then made apologies one after another for my +past failures. In some instances this was perfectly proper; but again I +was driven to such extremes that I scarcely had any peace. The natural +result was that I watched every word and act so carefully that often +I was afraid to smile, for fear I might laugh at the wrong time. I was +so busy watching myself that I did not get much enjoyment out of my +religious experience. Indeed, the standard I set for myself was so rigid +that I speedily came into bondage. I was unhappy myself and made others +unhappy about me. However, I had no intention of going back into sin. +</p> +<h3> +BECOMING ASCETIC +</h3> +<p> +I took a great interest in reading religious books and papers. Although +doubtless the motives of those who wrote these were high and noble, and +their sole aim and purpose was to further the interests of God's kingdom +on earth, yet some of these productions were written in such a manner as +to cause a + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page37" name="page37"></a>[37]</span> + + conscientious soul to feel that it is almost impossible for +an ordinary person to reach a standard of experience and life such as +they set up. My natural tendency, however, impelled me to try in my weak +way to pattern after the most rigid examples. I noticed that some of the +characters mentioned were given to much fasting and to abstinence from +all except the very plainest of foods. My tendency toward extremes again +asserted itself, and sometimes I felt condemned for enjoying even a +wholesome meal. I remember one occasion when I worried because I had +indulged in eating a reasonable amount of meat which was pleasing to +my taste. +</p> +<p> +The last year I was in school these morbid tendencies reached their +climax. I had read of devoted men in the ministry who had labored so +zealously that they allowed themselves only six hours sleep. Besides +their daily tasks, which were enormous, some of these men had spent as +long as two hours each day in private devotions. I tried to force myself +to this rigid routine, besides + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page38" name="page38"></a>[38]</span> + + keeping up with my classes in the +university. Almost every night religious services were held either in +the chapel or in some cottage. On Sunday there were four and sometimes +five services. Of course, I felt duty bound to attend all of these, +besides keeping up daily my two hours of private devotions. Sometimes +I was obliged to lose a part of the six hours allotted for sleep, in +order to carry out this rigid program I had set for myself. Not only did +I suffer from exhaustion induced by the constant and heavy strain; but +if I happened to fail in spending the full two hours in prayer or in +reading the Scriptures, I would sometimes be so terribly accused that +I would resort to a public confession of my "neglect," and once I went +to the public altar under accusation that was largely due to this very +cause. +</p> +<p> +I had heard a great deal, also, concerning our obligation to do personal +work and threw myself into this phase of Christian activity. Of course, +I soon went to extremes. If I happened to be in the company + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page39" name="page39"></a>[39]</span> + + of some one +for a short time and failed to speak to him about his soul's welfare, +I was likely to be dreadfully accused for gross neglect of duty. Under +such circumstances it was hard for me to testify, because the accuser +could always find some "neglect" or "oversight" with which to trouble +me. On the other hand, I was afraid not to testify lest I should soon be +hopelessly backslidden if I neglected this duty. So I finally drifted +into the habit of silently asking God's forgiveness for any possible +"neglect" in any way, just before rising to testify, so as to make sure +that I was in a proper condition to witness for the Lord. All this was +exceedingly wearing on my whole being. +</p> +<h3> +A MORBID CONSCIENCE +</h3> +<p> +At last my conscience became so morbid that every sermon I heard and +every religious book or tract I read was at once compared with my +experience to see if I lacked in even the lightest details. I happened +to read of one devoted man who literally gave + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page40" name="page40"></a>[40]</span> + + all his possessions to +the Lord's work. Immediately I thought of the small amount of money that +I had with which to pay my winter's tuition in the university. It was +not quite enough to pay all my expenses, and yet when I would decide +that I could not give my "all" to the Lord's work, terrible accusations +would crush me down until it seemed that my reason itself would become +unbalanced. In my despair, I opened up my heart to a trusted friend, and +he showed me that this was clearly an accusation from Satan and should +be entirely ignored. All these things told sadly on my mental and +physical condition, so that when the school year ended and I returned +home to my friends, they were very much disappointed in me. Finally they +became alarmed at my morbid condition. +</p> +<h3> +OBTAINING RELIEF +</h3> +<p> +Satan at last overdid himself; and by the help of kind friends, I +discerned his devices and the extremes to which I had been + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page41" name="page41"></a>[41]</span> + + driven. Once +the following lines were quoted to me: "If you want to be distracted, +look about you; if you would be miserable, look within; but if you would +be happy, look to Jesus." These I shall never forget. A friend also +pointed out the fact that I was constantly feeling my spiritual pulse. +He said that this was just as detrimental to my spiritual condition as +the constant counting of heart-beats would be to my physical health. +Just as a patient would be likely to imagine himself afflicted with +heart-trouble, so the same habit in the spiritual realm would, if +continually indulged, prove disastrous to constant peace and victory. +</p> +<p> +It took some time to throw off entirely the "straight jacket" which had +been imposed upon me; but by patient persistence, with God's grace, I +was made an overcomer. I was taught to discern the difference between +accusations and the workings of the Spirit of God. The voice of the +accuser is harsh, cruel, nagging, or exacting; God's Spirit is mild, +gentle, and encouraging. When God's + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page42" name="page42"></a>[42]</span> + + Spirit reveals anything, it is made +clear and plain. The accuser bewilders, confuses, and discourages. I +also learned that our kind heavenly Father is not watching for an +opportunity to cast us off, but rather he is seeking by the wooings of +his gentle Spirit to lead us into green pastures and beside the still +waters, where we may nourish our souls and become strong to meet the +battles and trials of life. He will show us our shortcomings, but not +in a way that will discourage or crush us. +</p> +<p> +Oftentimes while I was under such crushing accusations, the tempter +would say, "How can you ever hope to preach the gospel, when you are so +unsettled in your own experience?" One day there came to my mind the +scripture in Eph. 3:20, which says that he is able to do exceeding +abundantly above all that we can ask or think. I decided that in some +way God would work out his purpose concerning my life if I would +patiently serve him to the best of my knowledge and ability. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page43" name="page43"></a>[43]</span></p> + +<h3> +INHERITED DISPOSITION TO WORRY +</h3> +<p> +Another lesson I needed to learn was to trust God with the future. I was +naturally inclined to worry. For several generations back my ancestors +on one side of my family tree had been given to excessive worry, their +condition at times bordering on utter despondency. I was painfully +conscious of this inheritance in my constitutional make-up. In my morbid +imagination, nearly every threatening trouble was magnified to the +proportion of a dreadful disaster. Many an hour, and even days, I wasted +in useless worry. Perhaps not one tenth of my gloomy forebodings ever +materialized. +</p> +<h3> +FACING A NERVOUS COLLAPSE +</h3> +<p> +In order to teach me more thoroughly the lesson of trust, the Lord +permitted me to pass through a peculiar and severe trial. As I looked +forward to the time when I hoped to take up the active work of the +ministry, I had a great desire to be at my best in every way. I had +hoped to be in good health so that I might be able to bear the strain of + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page44" name="page44"></a>[44]</span> + + the work and to meet every emergency that might arise. But just as I was +about ready to enter upon my life's mission, I found my health breaking +and myself on the verge of a nervous breakdown. This was indeed a keen +disappointment to me. My sufferings at times seemed almost intolerable. +I could not understand it: I longed so much to be of real service to God +and to accomplish what I regarded as my life-work—the ministry. +</p> +<p> +Although the prospects seemed gloomy and my friends expected a complete +breakdown in my health, yet I determined to go forward in the name of +the Lord and to do the best I could. I even began to fear that my reason +would be dethroned. However, I said nothing about my condition to my +congregation, but sought to be a blessing to them in every way. I +finally tried to form the habit of beginning each day with a season of +thanksgiving for all the blessings I could think of. This proved to be +very helpful. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page45" name="page45"></a>[45]</span></p> + +<h3> +RELIEVED BY HELPING OTHERS +</h3> +<p> +Some days were more trying than others. While passing through the +severest tests I learned that it was very helpful to look for some other +tried or tempted ones and do my best to cheer and comfort them. Just a +few doors from where I roomed was a lady past middle age, who had been a +sufferer for eleven years. She had been helpless during the greater part +of that time. I went to see her often and did what I could to lighten +her burdens. She knew nothing of my sufferings, however. She was so +grateful for everything I did for her, and the Lord's presence was so +real every time I talked or prayed with her that invariably I was +abundantly helped in the very efforts put forth to cheer and comfort +her. Sometimes my heart carried an almost intolerable burden; but after +a call in this home of affliction, my burden would grow light and I +would sometimes wonder which had been helped the more, she or I. Also, +when I considered what she had endured for so + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page46" name="page46"></a>[46]</span> + + long, I was ashamed to +tolerate anything like discontent concerning my own lot, which, though +seemingly so hard at times, was so much better and easier, in some +respects at least, than hers. +</p> +<p> +There were times when, to add to my sufferings, Satan would bring +against me accusations that I could not have borne without special help +from God. Often the old temptations to doubt my experience of salvation +would return with tremendous force, and if I had listened to the enemy's +suggestions, I should have cast aside my experience in spite of all +that God had ever done for me. The accuser would sometimes begin by +suggesting that I had never been truly sanctified. (I obtained the +experience of entire sanctification soon after entering the work of +the ministry.) Then the enemy would become more bold and would suggest, +"You know that you have often had serious doubts concerning your +experience of justification, and after all, perhaps you have never been +truly converted." +</p> +<p> +After annoying and distressing me in this + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page47" name="page47"></a>[47]</span> + + manner, Satan would fling at +me such taunts as these: "You are a pretty example of a minister who is +supposed to be truly called and qualified of God to preach his Word." +Many times I would have a conflict like this just before rising to +preach. If I had given way to feelings, I would rather have sought some +place of quiet seclusion than to have faced the waiting congregation +before me. But then the thought would come, "Perhaps in the congregation +there are tempted and tried souls who need special help"; and so I would +decide to preach, not according to how I felt, but according to actual +knowledge of God's Word, which is ever unchanging. It seemed that +whenever I was most severely tried in this manner, I would get the +greatest victory and blessing by moving out in the performance of +whatever duty confronted me. Indeed, I do not remember a single instance +when I failed to preach at the appointed hour on account of the state of +my feelings. +</p> +<p> +I sometimes wondered why the conflict was so long, for I suffered thus +month after + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page48" name="page48"></a>[48]</span> + + month. Sometimes I comforted myself with the thought that +some day death would bring relief; but I learned at last that God was +only permitting these sufferings in order to refine the gold. My best +and most helpful sermons were preached while I was in the very midst of +the deepest suffering. +</p> +<h3> +BECOMING RECONCILED +</h3> +<p> +At last I came to realize that it mattered not so much, after all, +how much I suffered, just so the people whom I served were helped and +blessed; that true blessedness in life does not consist in freedom from +suffering, but in accomplishing one's mission in the world according to +the divine plan. +</p> +<h3> +CHRIST MORE REAL +</h3> +<p> +Some of my most precious seasons of fellowship with Christ were +experienced, when, in the absence of all feeling, except that of severe +suffering, I would say by faith alone, "Thou, O Christ, art by my side. +Thou wilt never leave me nor forsake me." At last I accustomed myself to +believe his presence + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page49" name="page49"></a>[49]</span> + + was real in spite of my feelings, so that by faith +I could almost imagine him at my side. As I walked, it seemed that we +kept step together; as I faced my congregations, he stood by my side, +unseen of course by physical eyes, but under such circumstances the +natural eyes can not be compared with the spiritual sight for clearness +of vision. I then learned what Paul meant to express when he said, +"While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which +are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things +which are not seen are eternal" (2 Cor. 4:18). "Whom having not seen, ye +love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with +joy unspeakable and full of glory" (1 Pet. 1:8). +</p> +<h3> +SOME LESSONS LEARNED +</h3> +<p> +Thus my trials and hardships taught me that a genuine experience of +salvation is obtained, as well as maintained, not by working up some +great feeling or emotion, but + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page50" name="page50"></a>[50]</span> + + by simple, trusting faith in God, and +implicit obedience to his Word. +</p> +<p> +I found that our God is a loving Father and not a hard taskmaster. +"Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that +fear him" (Psa. 103:13). Neither does he require us to do anything that +is unreasonable. "I beseech you, therefore, brethren, by the mercies of +God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable +unto God, which is your reasonable service" (Rom. 12:1). +</p> +<p> +I also learned that the true test of our Christian experience is not the +state of our feelings, but the power to resist temptation, to keep sweet +under severe trials, and to manifest the meek and gentle spirit of the +Master. I learned, moreover, that the Lord is not anxious to cast us off +for every little failure, but is long-suffering and patient with us as +long as we have a sincere aim and purpose to please him in all things. +I learned more fully the secret of "casting all my care upon him," +knowing that "all + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page51" name="page51"></a>[51]</span> + + things work together for good to them that love God" +(Rom. 8:28). +</p> +<p> +The last few years of my life have been marked by great victory in my +experience. The former trials through which I passed have increased +my usefulness by helping me to be more unselfish. I wondered at the +time why God permitted such trials and sufferings; but now as I look +back upon the past, I see that I could not afford to be without the +discipline and training which those severe trials brought to me. In +my work as a pastor I am all the more qualified to sympathize with and +to help those who are meeting with similar trials and difficulties. +As I remember my own conflicts and trials, I can be more charitable +for others. +</p> +<h3> +CONCLUSION +</h3> +<p> +As the Lord turned again the captivity of Job and restored to him his +former blessings, so he restored my health in due time, together with +great victory along every line. Though I still meet with hard trials and +perplexing problems, yet I have learned to take + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page52" name="page52"></a>[52]</span> + +them all to him in simple, trusting faith, fully assured that he will +direct in all things. As already explained, my natural tendency was to +worry; yet through God's grace I have been able to meet some of the most +perplexing problems with calmness and even in the face of these things +to enjoy refreshing sleep, knowing that "he is able to do exceeding +abundantly above all that we ask or think" (Eph. 3:20). +</p> +<p> +I have ceased to long for an experience like that of some one else, +knowing that God has given me one that is best for me. Peter and John +were both true disciples of our Lord, yet how differently did they +manifest outwardly the workings of God's Spirit within, which is ever +the same! +</p> +<p> +Some years ago I discerned the oneness of God's people and became +fully convinced that the Word of God should be our guide in all things +pertaining to our spiritual welfare; that none of it should be omitted +or cast aside. Since that time the light has been constantly increasing, +and each succeeding year becomes more blessed in his + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page53" name="page53"></a>[53]</span> + + service. I am +learning more and more, as Paul expresses it, that "in whatsoever state +I am, therewith to be content" (Phil. 4:11). With the past all under the +blood, I have no gloomy forebodings concerning the future; "for I know +whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that +which I have committed unto him against that day" (2 Tim. 1:12). +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page54" name="page54"></a>[54]</span></p> + +<p><!--[Blank Page]--></p> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page55" name="page55"></a>[55]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0007" id="h2H_4_0007"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + The Testimony of a Prisoner +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 3 +</p> +<p> +"The heart is deceitful above all things, and is desperately wicked" +(Jer. 17:9). The truthfulness of this scripture has been verified in my +life. For more than twenty years I lived a most shameful life to satisfy +the desires of my wicked heart. I have learned that the more a person +yields to the sinful desires of the heart, the more wicked he becomes. +</p> +<p> +Many times during my early school days I yielded to the tempter and +played truant and ofttimes concluded that it was too hot to study and +yielded to the suggestion to go for a swim in the pond, regardless of +consequences. After playing truant the first time, I found a repetition +of the act much easier, until finally my parents became disgusted with +me and sent me away to work, and I have worked ever since that time. +While in the coal-mines, I received many hard knocks and bumps, and my +education neglected; whereas, had I not yielded to + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page56" name="page56"></a>[56]</span> + + my wilfulness and +the deceitful desires of my heart in the beginning, I might have had a +splendid education and today be the possessor of a responsible position. +</p> +<p> +On my fifteenth birthday I took my first drink, yielding to the +temptation of taking my dinner-pail and getting ten cents' worth of beer +to drink beneath a shady tree. Oh, that God would have taken me before +it ever touched my lips! I am unable to relate all my experiences since +I took my first drink, but would say that I have suffered beyond measure +and have paid a great price for my folly. It has robbed me of my +character, reputation, friends, a beloved wife, and four beautiful +children—three boys and a girl—whom I loved more than my own life. +</p> +<p> +After drink had robbed me of all that was dear to my heart, then the +suggestion came for still further destruction by committing suicide. The +evil one suggested that as there was nothing left worthy a continuation +of my life, it were better to end it all and find sweet rest in the +grave. I was cast + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page57" name="page57"></a>[57]</span> + + into prison, and the way before me truly seemed dark. +</p> +<p> +While I was serving a prison sentence I learned there was help for me +through the salvation of Jesus Christ. It was in the Bible that I +learned that the Lord would create within me a new heart if I would only +let him in, and "old things are passed away; behold, all things are +become new." I thought that I was too far gone to be forgiven, but the +words found in Isa. 1:18 gave me assurance: "Though your sins be as +scarlet, they shall be white as snow: though they be red like crimson, +they shall be as wool." These words were to me what a life-preserver is +to a drowning person. I grasped them with a trembling heart and found +peace to my soul. +</p> +<p> +Now, instead of destroying my own life by committing suicide and seeking +rest in the grave, as Satan had often suggested, I found sweet rest to +my soul in turning to Jesus, and the most earnest desire of my heart is +to serve him and do that which is pleasing in his sight. Now it is a +pleasant + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page58" name="page58"></a>[58]</span> + + pastime, a joy and pleasure, to read the Bible and religious +books, tracts, and papers, whereby I can learn more of the beauties of a +life of salvation. May God help sinners everywhere to seek him while he +may be found. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page59" name="page59"></a>[59]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0008" id="h2H_4_0008"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + A Little Chinese Girl +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 4 +</p> +<p> +She was only a little Chinese girl, like ten thousand of others in the +great heathen land of which she was a native. She was the youngest of +three children, and her father died while she was but a babe. The +mother, being left a poor widow, was unable to support her little +family. Therefore, according to Chinese custom, the son (who was the +oldest of the three) was to receive the mother's attention, but the two +daughters were to be sold into other homes, to become wives as soon as +they were of marriageable age. +</p> +<p> +It is about the baby girl, Baulin, of whom I wish to tell you in this +story. The case was put into her grandfather's hands for management, who +arranged for her to go into her uncle's home, and to finally become the +wife of her cousin, who was a little younger than herself. As soon as +she was a few years old she was trained to help wash the clothes, cook +the family rice, and clean the + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page60" name="page60"></a>[60]</span> + + bowls; and at an early age she had to work +many long hours in a silk-factory for only a few cents a day. These few +cents helped to buy her own rice, and as her uncle was a poor man, he +could not afford to support his "si-fu" (daughter-in-law) without +receiving something for it. Never a day was this dear child sent to +school. It was not customary to educate Chinese girls, except it should +be those of greater wealth or rank. +</p> +<p> +Time went on until Baulin was about fourteen years old. In the meantime +her uncle had come in contact with missionaries representing the +full gospel of Jesus Christ. As he became better acquainted with the +doctrine, and obtained an experience of salvation, he saw that it would +not be right to enforce the marriage of Baulin to his son; the matter +was to be left to their own choice, when they grew old enough to decide. +Still the responsibility was upon him to continue supporting her to the +same extent that he previously had. +</p> +<p> +In the course of another year or two, Baulin not only had shown an +interest in + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page61" name="page61"></a>[61]</span> + + the gospel, but had a desire to take up her abode in the +mission compound to assist with the cooking for the other natives who +lived there. In this capacity she faithfully labored a few months, +during which time she came for prayer for salvation. The missionaries +in charge had found difficulty in obtaining native help for their own +kitchen. One day it suddenly dawned upon the mistress of the house that +Baulin might be trained for the culinary department. When the idea +was suggested, this dear young girl was delighted at the thought of +promotion in usefulness. Arrangements were immediately made, and the new +plan proved successful. Though she did not so much as know how to pare +potatoes, fry eggs, nor set the table for foreign food, yet her eager +willingness to learn made her easy to teach. Her natural inability to +take responsibility, to manage, and to exercise her own judgment, were +points greatly against her becoming a competent cook. However, by the +mistress continuing to plan the meals and to bear the general +responsibility, + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page62" name="page62"></a>[62]</span> + + Baulin soon developed into a very reliable and useful +worker. +</p> +<p> +Two years later when the missionaries moved to another station, she +was pleased to accompany them and to continue as their cook. In the +meantime, however, a serious change came over her uncle, which made +Baulin entertain fears concerning her former engagement for marriage. +This man, who was so dependable before, gradually became entangled in +business matters, swindled others out of a considerable amount of money, +resulting in his utter spiritual downfall. Instead of making efforts +to rise again, he seemed to sink deeper and deeper into sin, until all +hope was given up for his return. Baulin was exceedingly fond of her +own people, and her relatives were not a few. But after her uncle had +backslidden, she began to receive more or less persecution from her +people. It so happened that the new station to which she accompanied +the new missionaries was the city in which her mother lived. She was +employed there as servant for a high-class family. The + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page63" name="page63"></a>[63]</span> + + mother, though +having been in contact with the Christian religion for many years, still +remained a rank heathen, having great faith in the worship of idols. The +time came when the missionaries were about to depart on furlough to the +homeland, and now a serious question confronted Baulin: "What shall I +do, or what can I do?" +</p> +<p> +But before continuing this narrative, let me say here that during the +three years that she was employed as cook, she made a perfect record of +honesty and uprightness—something which probably can not be said of one +out of a hundred of Chinese cooks. Not once was she even suspected of +taking without permission, so much as a crust of bread or a spoonful of +anything belonging to the foreign kitchen. When other natives of the +compound would ask her for a bit of food which happened to be left in +the dishes, she would never give it without first asking permission to +do so. She seldom broke dishes, but when she did, she lost no time in +making acknowledgment. Thus her honesty, conscientiousness, and modesty + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page64" name="page64"></a>[64]</span> + + won a warm place in the hearts of those whom she served, and when she +appealed to them for help in solving the problem which so perplexed her +mind about the time that she must be separated from them, they gladly +shared her burden. It was by seeing her stedfastness through this trial +that her real worth could be appreciated more than ever before. +</p> +<p> +From a Chinese point of view, she was still under age, though she was +now about eighteen. Her mother had never given up the idea that she +should be married to her cousin when they both became old enough. At +this time her uncle was in a backslidden state, and in all probability +would insist on the marriage. The boy himself, her cousin, was growing +up rather a worthless young man. He had been in school more or less, +but was not extra bright. Recently his father had placed him as an +apprentice in a shoeshop. He had shown no inclination whatsoever toward +spiritual things, though he had had many advantages of hearing the +gospel. Baulin knew that she would soon + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page65" name="page65"></a>[65]</span> + + be out of employment, and this +meant much to the young girl; for she was now fully self-supporting and, +besides, had helped her uncle more than once in his financial straits. +To return to the former mission station, at which city most of her +people lived, seemed the only open door before her. Yet this meant more +persecution, and should she have to return to the silk-factory to work, +she would be deprived of attending meeting, for the girls and women +employed there must toil on from early morn till late at night, seven +days a week. +</p> +<p> +It was when she heard that her uncle was making a business trip to the +city where she was now living and where her mother also lived, that +she became more anxious concerning a quick settlement of that marriage +question, and it was in this that she earnestly begged the missionary to +help. A meeting was called at which Baulin, her mother, her uncle, the +missionary, and a few others were present. Baulin requested a written +agreement signed by her mother and uncle, that the engagement to her +cousin + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page66" name="page66"></a>[66]</span> + + was broken, and that they should have no power to compel her +engagement to any one else, but that she should have the right herself +to make choice of her life companion. The question was discussed, but +met with extreme opposition at first by the mother, insomuch that the +girl finally declared that because she was a Christian and desired to +do the right she would die rather than be compelled to marry a man who +was not a Christian and one whom she did not love. The uncle's greatest +objection was that he had no money to buy another girl for his son, and +the son would blame his father for not having a wife ready for him, +according to Chinese custom. +</p> +<p> +After several meetings, hours of discussion, and much prayer on the part +of the Christians, a paper and a duplicate were finally signed, which +set this dear young Christian free from her childhood engagement, and +oh, what a beaming countenance she wore! Keenly did she realize it would +not be easy to return to her home city and face her heathen relatives, +who would all + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page67" name="page67"></a>[67]</span> + + be against her on account of the step she had taken, but +she was very happy in knowing that her persecution was for righteousness' +sake. Well able did she feel, through the grace of God, to meet the +worst that might come. +</p> +<p> +Her joy was increased some days later, when word was received that the +mission station in the same city where her people lived would be glad to +use her as cook and general helper in the house. Thus she would not need +to go back to the factory to earn a living, but could be employed more +directly in the service of God and be under the care of the church. +</p> +<p> +I hope all who read this true story will not forget to breathe a prayer +for this dear young girl, who so boldly took her stand for the truth and +right, in the midst of opposition from heathen relatives. We can not but +hope that she may some day be as reliable a spiritual worker as she is +today a temporal worker. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page68" name="page68"></a>[68]</span></p> + +<p><!--[Blank Page]--></p> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page69" name="page69"></a>[69]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0009" id="h2H_4_0009"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + Persecutions and Victories of an Evangelist +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 5 +</p> +<p> +It is with pleasure and gratitude that I take advantage of this +opportunity of telling of God's wonderful dealings with me. It is now +a little over ten years since I was converted. I had the advantage of +being reared in a Christian home. My parents having been saved for a +good many years. +</p> +<p> +When I first heard of people who believed the entire Word of God as +it was preached in the days of the apostles, I wondered what kind of +people they were. Some of the ministers were conducting some meetings +not far from where we lived, and, hearing of these people, I asked my +father if it would not be possible for them to come to our community. +Being surprized at my question and glad to hear that I was interested +in hearing those people, he suggested that I should speak to them +personally and ask them to come. These meetings were conducted about +eight miles from our home. +</p> +<p> +It was a cold October day when I drove + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page70" name="page70"></a>[70]</span> + + to the place with horse and +buggy and asked the people to come to our town. They were glad for +the invitation, and we returned to my home the same day. There was +especially one thing about them which surprized me, and that was how +happy and contented they seemed to be; but I was a little unwilling to +believe that it was really possible for a person to enjoy religion, for +my association with so-called Christian people had made the impression +upon my mind that Christianity, or salvation, was only for those who +could not enjoy themselves in the world. +</p> +<p> +When the company that were to hold the meeting came to our home, +I decided to study and examine their lives to find out whether they +really possessed the joy and satisfaction that I was longing for. Their +quiet, devoted lives convinced me of the fact that I ought to become +a Christian. Deep conviction settled down upon me in the meetings. +My mother and father, whose lives had made a deep impression upon me, + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page71" name="page71"></a>[71]</span> + + pleaded with me to yield to God, but I was still unwilling to surrender. +</p> +<p> +After the meetings closed I tried to quench the Spirit by indulging in +worldly pleasures and associating with my old friends, but it seemed +that the Spirit of God was working so powerfully upon me that it was +impossible to resist him. I remember especially an experience one +afternoon. I was brought face to face with the supreme question, Are you +ready to meet God? I decided that I would not yield, but that I would +enjoy the pleasure of sin and the world for some years and later become +a Christian. +</p> +<p> +Not being able to quench the convictions that the Spirit of God had +wrought upon me, I deliberately indulged in blasphemy, determined +to make the Holy Spirit leave me, but I am glad to say that God was +merciful to me in not permitting my soul to be lost. For a moment I felt +as though I had committed the unpardonable sin, that heaven was closed, +and that my soul was lost forever. But I turned to God with tears + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page72" name="page72"></a>[72]</span> + + and a broken heart, the Spirit of God again strove with me, and my +sins were mercifully forgiven. The joy of heaven filled my soul, and +I received the assurance that my name was written in the Book of Life. +This was November 5, 1905. +</p> +<h3> +SANCTIFICATION +</h3> +<p> +My soul was perfectly satisfied, and for some time I felt as though all +that heaven could give to a human being in this world had been given to +me. But later I began to realize the need of something more. I heard +teaching on the doctrine of entire sanctification and began to study +about it in the Bible. The knowledge thus obtained caused me to seek +for the experience, but I did not receive it as soon as I had expected. +After some very hard struggles and much disappointment I finally +concluded that the teaching was wrong in regard to this matter and that +it was impossible to obtain the experience as it had been presented to +me. Trying to comfort myself with this thought, + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page73" name="page73"></a>[73]</span> + + I let the matter rest +for a while, but I was not satisfied. +</p> +<p> +About two years after my conversion I decided that this matter should be +settled between God and my soul. Going to the Lord in earnest prayer, I +made a perfect consecration of all to God. The Lord began talking to my +soul, and he made it clear to me that the reason why I had not obtained +the experience sooner was not because the doctrine I had heard was +wrong, but because I had an exaggerated idea of what sanctification +really would do. I was under the impression that everything in my human +nature which had caused me trouble would be removed in sanctification. +I had failed to see that in sanctification human desires are not taken +away but sanctified. I saw clearly that the cause for the most of my +troubles was that I had failed to discriminate between carnality and +humanity. +</p> +<p> +While I was consecrating, the Lord spoke to me, not audibly but by his +Spirit, and asked me if I was willing to go to Denmark with the gospel. +I was able to surrender on + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page74" name="page74"></a>[74]</span> + + all points but this one, seeing that going +to a foreign country would conflict with all my plans for the future. +I felt very much like Abraham when he went to Mount Moriah with his only +son to offer him there upon God's altar. But seeing that this was the +only way and desiring to obtain the experience, I surrendered, placed +all on the altar, and immediately I was sanctified and baptized with the +Holy Ghost. Praise the Lord! +</p> +<p> +There were no outward demonstrations, no special manifestations of the +power of God; but the Holy Ghost, being enthroned in my heart, gave me +a power over the world and self which I had not experienced heretofore. +This glorious experience I have now enjoyed for several years, and it +never was more precious to me than it is at the present time. +Halleluiah! +</p> +<h3> +GOING TO A FOREIGN COUNTRY +</h3> +<p> +For a while I did not think more about my call to the work of God in +Europe, but there was a deep longing in my soul to see people saved, and +whenever time permitted + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page75" name="page75"></a>[75]</span> + + I would do all the personal work I could, +distributing literature, visiting people in their homes, helping in +meetings, etc. +</p> +<p> +My parents being Danish, they naturally made me think more of the +Scandinavian people than I otherwise would have thought, and my heart +was often burdened that this glorious truth might be brought to them. +These thoughts I kept to myself, speaking only to God about the matter. +At last the burden became so heavy that I opened my heart to a minister +in whom I had very much confidence, and he told me that a year before +that time the Lord had clearly shown that I should go to Denmark with +the gospel. +</p> +<p> +Next I opened my heart to my parents. Naturally they felt sorry that I +should leave them, but in another sense they were glad to see me enter +the work of the Lord. The Lord had revealed to my mother the evening of +my conversion that I should preach the gospel, but she did not think +that my field of labor would be in a foreign country. +</p> +<p> +An older minister, who had for some time been thinking of going to +Scandinavia, + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page76" name="page76"></a>[76]</span> + + asked me if it would not be possible for me to accompany +him; and when the matter was brought before the church, it was finally +decided that I should go. We sailed from New York Dec. 18, 1909, and +arrived in Denmark, Jan. 3, 1910. This brother and his wife stayed with +relatives, while I made my home with different people, some of them +unsaved; and the most disagreeable thing that I met at the beginning +was that I was often obliged to stay in homes where I knew I was not +welcome. But in all the trials and disappointments there was one thing +that especially encouraged and comforted me, and that was that I knew +God had sent me to Scandinavia. +</p> +<p> +I shall never forget the first time God gave me a little favor among +the people. An old gentleman expressed his desire to have me give my +testimony after the sermon. I was at that time unable to express my +thoughts in the Danish language, but in my heart I carried a very heavy +burden for the people. With this burden on my soul I arose, and the +feelings I could not express + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page77" name="page77"></a>[77]</span> + + in words I expressed in tears. That evening +four souls came to the altar and were gloriously saved. From that time +on my services were in demand, and it was not long until a goodly number +sought the Lord in the meetings. +</p> +<p> +About a year from this time a Baptist minister asked me to come to his +town and hold a four days' meeting. After earnestly praying over the +matter I decided to break my engagement at another place (something I +do not do unless specially directed of the Lord) and to hold these +meetings. Instead of holding four meetings, I held one hundred and +thirty meetings, and about one hundred souls were gloriously saved. +There were a number of young men in the town who determined that they +would break up the meetings, but we asked them to come and take part in +the song-service, which generally commenced about a half hour before the +preaching-service. Often the stores would be closed early in order that +the people might be able to attend the meetings, and it was not long +until nearly all + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page78" name="page78"></a>[78]</span> + + the young men of the town were sitting on the front +seats listening to the word with tears in their eyes. +</p> +<p> +An intoxicated man, who was sent out by a saloon-keeper to make +disturbance, attacked me in front of the congregation. A young man who +also was under the influence of liquor but who was in sympathy with the +work I was doing, stepped to my side and offered to defend me with his +fist. In anger he said to the other man, "I want to tell you that we are +not going to let you disturb <b>our</b> meetings." I tried to calm them, +but in spite of all I did, the man was unmercifully treated as soon as +he got outside by the people whose sympathies had been won by the +gospel. +</p> +<h3> +PERSECUTED FOR THE GOSPEL'S SAKE +</h3> +<p> +The saloon-keeper mentioned above, who almost failed in business because +of the revival, tried to work out a plot against me. He had a friend +who lived in the State of Michigan, to whom he wrote for information +concerning my life. This man wrote + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page79" name="page79"></a>[79]</span> + + back: "The minister who is preaching +in your town is a professional white-slave trader, and has escaped the +authorities here in America and fled to Europe." This letter was taken +to the officials in Denmark, and immediately I was arrested. One of the +best detectives in the kingdom and several state officials were working +on the case. A number of impressions were taken of my fingers and my +picture was hung up in police stations among those of professional +thieves and criminals. +</p> +<p> +A very bitter persecution also broke out in the Scandinavian press. +Among the people I was generally known as "The Prophet." My aunt and +cousin in Copenhagen were nearly dumbfounded one day, when, as they +passed one of the large printing-houses in the city, they saw on the +news bulletin of a prominent daily in large bold type, which could be +read at a long distance, the following: +</p> +<p class="quote"> + "The Prophet Morris Johnson—White-Slave Trader—Baptized + Naked Women—Stole Church's + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page80" name="page80"></a>[80]</span> + + Money-Box—Went to America + with Fifty Young Girls and Sold Them to the Houses of + Ill-Fame—Escaped the Hands of the Authorities." +</p> +<p> +None of these things were true, however; but wherever I went I was +carefully watched by the authorities. My name was associated with the +most ignoble, immoral, and dishonorable things, and the matter was given +such publicity that I could not board a train or a steamer without its +being made known to those around me. +</p> +<p> +Finally the people of God to whom I had been preaching considered it +their duty to encourage me to appeal to the law for protection, one +brother offering to spend five thousand crowns on the case. This I could +not do, for it would have conflicted with my Christian principles; but +at last I saw that the only way I could satisfy them was to do something +to prove that I was not guilty of the accusations. +</p> +<p> +Accordingly I went to Copenhagen, spoke to the United States Minister +and to a prominent lawyer about the matter. They + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page81" name="page81"></a>[81]</span> + + encouraged me to take +up a law suit against the parties who had so inhumanly treated me, but +feeling that I should grieve God by doing so, I decided to patiently +suffer, knowing that God would stand by me and that in the end his name +would be glorified. I must admit that had it not been for the fact that +the people of God were praying for me and that God in a special way +comforted and strengthened me, I should not have been able to stand +through this trial. +</p> +<p> +About three months after the time I had been in Copenhagen, a state +official published in the paper an article in which he made known to the +public that after a thorough examination of my case they were satisfied +that I was innocent and was worthy of the moral support of the people. +</p> +<h3> +REVIVALS +</h3> +<p> +I am glad to say that this persecution resulted in a wonderful outbreak +of spiritual life in Scandinavia. Hundreds of people came out to the +meetings and a large number + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page82" name="page82"></a>[82]</span> + + of souls were saved. The State Bishop, a +very influential man, was called upon to oppose the meetings. In a +public discourse he mentioned my name twenty times, but this only +aroused a greater curiosity in the hearts of the people to hear the +word, and in this way people were brought under the influence of the +gospel who would never have been reached any other way. +</p> +<p> +I shall never forget an experience I had in a revival in Hjorring, +Denmark. We had rented a large hall, and the first evening there were +about five hundred people present. I had been passing through some very +hard trials just before this meeting, but the trial reached its climax +as I stood before that audience. I did not feel the help of the Holy +Spirit at all as I was preaching. I went to my room that evening with +a heavy heart and spent some time on my knees in earnest prayer. +</p> +<p> +Later it was made clear to me why God permitted me to pass through this +trial. The following Sunday evening the power of the Holy Spirit was +poured out upon that audience + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page83" name="page83"></a>[83]</span> + + in such a measure that it was almost +impossible for the people to resist it. There were about 750 people +present, and most of them stayed for the altar-service. There was not +room at the altar for those who wanted to seek God, so the people fell +on their knees and began to pray, and all over the hall one could hear +sinners crying to God for mercy. Many of them were saved. The meeting +did not close until after midnight. I then saw that the reason why God +had permitted me to pass through that test was that he might prepare me +for the great blessing presently to be poured out upon the meeting. +</p> +<h3> +ALL-NIGHT MEETING +</h3> +<p> +In Lokken, Denmark, the people of God gathered one evening for a +special meeting. The word of God became so precious to us that we +could not leave the place. A large number testified and after midnight +we had an ordinance-meeting, which was followed by a sermon, and +that by an altar-call. Several came forward and sought the Lord for + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page84" name="page84"></a>[84]</span> + + sanctification, and a few who were so much interested that they could +not leave, came and were saved. The altar-service was broken up when a +brother came in and exclaimed, "Hurry up, or you'll miss the train." +This was the morning train, which left at five o'clock. The good work +continued at this place, and there were open doors for me to preach the +gospel in all parts of the kingdom where before warnings had been +published against me. +</p> +<h3> +MEETING A PHILOSOPHER +</h3> +<p> +During my stay in Copenhagen it was my privilege to become acquainted +with an educated young man, a doctor of philosophy, who had been +influenced by higher critics, such as have doubted the miraculous +accounts given in the Holy Scriptures. When I was introduced to him, I +noticed that he thought it would not be very difficult for him to weaken +my faith and confidence in regard to religious matters. He immediately +expressed his desire to have some private talks on religious questions, +to which I + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page85" name="page85"></a>[85]</span> + + gladly consented, but greatly feeling my need of special +wisdom and grace from God. We would often sit up until after midnight, +but I enjoyed these conversations and discussions, for they gave me an +understanding of the position that such persons generally take in regard +to religion. +</p> +<p> +One evening he accompanied me to the country, where I held a meeting in +a private home. About fifteen minutes after I had entered the pulpit, I +noticed that a deep conviction settled down upon him. Tears filled his +eyes, and he was unable to hide his emotions. One night at one-thirty +in the morning he said to me: "I have a question I want to ask you. I +have had your life under my microscope for a while and have come to the +conclusion that you are one of the happiest and most contented young men +I have ever met. Still I have noticed that you have no interest whatever +in the enjoyments and pleasures that other young men of your age seem to +be so taken up with. Tell me, what is the source of your happiness?" My +reply was, "The source of my + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page86" name="page86"></a>[86]</span> + + joy and happiness is the Christ that you +are trying to deny." Tears filled his eyes, and he said to me, "In my +public lectures and discourses and with my pen I have tried to influence +people against Christianity, but now I have found that Christianity can +satisfy and make happy; so I will never use my influence in that way any +more." I did not have the privilege of seeing this young man converted, +but I am sure that some day I shall meet him in heaven. +</p> +<h3> +TRUSTING THE LORD +</h3> +<p> +When I entered the gospel field, I decided that I should trust God to +supply all my needs. My father upon bidding me good-by said, "Now, my +son, if you ever need help financially, you must let me know, and I +shall be glad to help you." I thanked my father, but told him that he +should not feel under obligations to me more than to any other +missionary and that it was my intention to trust God. +</p> +<p> +I paid my own fare to Europe with the exception of one dollar, which +was given + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page87" name="page87"></a>[87]</span> + + me by a kind brother. For a while I got along well, for I +had a little personal money; but the time came when I needed help. I +especially remember one occasion when I needed some means. I prayed +and wept before the Lord as a child before its father, asking the Lord +what he was going to do with me now. After I had prayed a while, the +Lord assured me that my prayer was heard. Two days later I received a +money-order from a brother in South Dakota and was able to meet all my +obligations and even had some to spare. Praise the Lord! +</p> +<p> +Another time during my stay in Norway I needed a certain amount of money +and began to pray to God concerning the matter. The amount needed was +about twenty dollars. A few days from that time I received a money-order +for eleven dollars from some one in Copenhagen from whom it would have +been altogether unreasonable for me to expect financial help. But this +person wrote that God had made it clear that this money should be sent +to me. I also + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page88" name="page88"></a>[88]</span> + + received a letter from a man in America with a money-order +for ten dollars. He wrote: "I am sending you ten dollars, and feel that +I must send it off immediately. Hope you will receive it in time." My +needs were supplied, and you can be sure I was a happy man. I have +learned by experience that there is no life happier or nobler than the +life that is fully surrendered and consecrated to God. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page89" name="page89"></a>[89]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0010" id="h2H_4_0010"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + The Secret of a Perfect Life +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 6 +</p> +<p> +A little more than half a century ago I drew my first breath of life. It +was a day in early May, so I have been told: the sun was shining, the +birds were singing, and the early flowers were in bloom. It is not to be +supposed that my environment in life's early hour had any influence upon +the passions of my soul; nevertheless, from my earliest recollection I +have been an ardent lover of the esthetical in nature. Many of the days +of my childhood were spent wandering through the fields in the bright +sunshine, admiring and culling the flowers; rambling through the leafy +wood, listening with glad heart to the songs of birds; or sitting on the +mossy bank of the rippling brooklet delighted by the music made by its +crystal waters as they played among the rocks. +</p> +<p> +But the happy, innocent days of childhood do not last always: the sun +does not always shine, nor the birds sing; neither do + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page90" name="page90"></a>[90]</span> + + the flowers always +bloom along our way. Oh, if we could only have been overlooked—many of +us have thought in the dreary days of after-life—by Father Time and +been left behind to be always in the green, sun-lit fields of childhood, +how happy we should have been! But it was not so; and now, since I have +found the riches of grace, I am glad it was not so. No one can escape +the onward-leading hand of Time. He will lead us, despite our protests, +into days where the sun has ceased shining, where the birds have flown +to a more genial clime, and where the flowers have faded. As our +much-loved poet has said, +</p> + +<div class="poem"> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> "Into each life some rain must fall— </p> +<p class="i2"> Some days must be dark and dreary." </p> +</div> +</div> + +<p style="text-indent: 0;"> +My life has been a confirmation of these words. +</p> +<h3> +MY FIRST SIN +</h3> +<p> +Among the recollections of my early childhood, one is more deeply +impressed on my mind than any other, so deeply and firmly stamped that +the many and varied + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page91" name="page91"></a>[91]</span> + + experiences of fifty years have failed to make it +less clear and distinct to the vision of memory than it was the day it +occurred. It was the committing of a sin. It may have been my first +wilful transgression, but, however that may be, it was one that caused +an awful sense of guilt to come into my heart, and I trembled, as it +were, in an unseen presence. No one had ever spoken to me of God, of +shunning the wrong, or of doing the right, except my mother (sweet +today is my memory of her); so I carried my trouble to her, and in her +presence the tempter led me into falsehood, so that I was made more +wretched than before. +</p> +<h3> +GETTING DEEPER INTO SIN +</h3> +<p> +The days sped on; and after a few years, I had won the title of "Bad +Boy." Though the sins of those youthful days (over which I prefer to +throw the relieving mantle of forgetfulness) were dark and deep, I did +not altogether lose my love for the beautiful and the good. In those +shadowy days, a ray of sunlight would now and then break + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page92" name="page92"></a>[92]</span> + + through, a +bird-note would be heard, and a fragrant flower would raise its drooping +head. In such hours, I would get a glimpse of a better life. An unseen +hand would set before me a picture of a pure life, and in my fancy I +would see myself a good man. Oh, that the dreams of those youthful days +were more perfectly fulfilled! but I must give praise to God for what he +has wrought in me. +</p> +<p> +Many a time at the midnight hour in those youthful days, after I had +left some den of vice, there would be whisperings in my soul of a +higher, nobler life. As I, in my fancy, gazed down through the years, +the angel of goodness would shift before me bright pictures of the +different characteristics of a holy life. At this distant day, on +looking back, I am surprized to note in what trueness the Holy Spirit +set before me the ideal godly life. +</p> +<p> +But I must be brief, as only a few pages of this work are allotted to me +in which to tell you how I found—or, rather, what I found to be—the +secret of a perfect life. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page93" name="page93"></a>[93]</span></p> + +<h3> +MY CONVERSION +</h3> +<p> +I was converted at the age of twenty-eight. A few months later, +realizing the need of a deeper spiritual life, I yielded myself a living +sacrifice to God, and he gave me the desire of my heart. Bless his name! +To tell you the joy of my soul in these experiences, is immeasurably +beyond the power of my pen. The happiness of a pure life fancied in +the day-dreams of my youth were more than realized. Although I was of +a highly imaginative mind, the joy my heart found in the riches of +redeeming grace was numberless times greater than the fancied joys +pictured to my mind in my boyhood hours. +</p> +<p> +My heart now flowed out in a gushing stream of love to God, and my mind +glowed with thoughts of him. It was the poet Milton who said: "As to +other points, what God may have determined for me, I know now; but this +I know—that if he ever instilled an intense love of moral beauty into +the breast of any man, he has instilled it into + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page94" name="page94"></a>[94]</span> + + mine. Ceres, in the +fable, pursued not her daughter with a greater keenness of inquiry than +I, day and night, the idea of perfection." And I think the same was true +of me. +</p> +<p> +Early in my religious life I became conscious that the law of +development is written in the Christian heart, and that this law, if +given full scope, will raise us year after year into higher degrees of +perfection. The Holy Spirit revealed to me also at this time the secret +of attaining to this perfect life by a natural growth in grace day after +day. In love and humility lies the secret of a perfect and successful +Christian life. The earnestness with which we seek God is in proportion +to our love for him. Just as truly as the seven colors are woven +together in one white ray of sunlight, so truly are the laws of a +perfect life gathered up and fulfilled in the life of those who love +God. "Love is the fulfilling of the law." No man can escape the effect +of breaking a law of love. What fragrance is to the flower, obedience is +to love. Any act of unfaithfulness to God or man sounds a false note on +the + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page95" name="page95"></a>[95]</span> + + golden harp of love. He who loves truth intensely will dwell with +truth; he who loves purity of thought will think only on things that +are pure. Vain thoughts will he hate. He who loves learning will seek +after learning and just to that intensity of his love for it. He who +loves home will dwell at home as much as possible, and home will become +sweeter home. He who loves God will dwell with God, will seek after God, +thereby strengthening his affection for God and daily growing into his +perfection. +</p> +<h3> +HUMILITY NEEDED +</h3> +<p> +But love alone will not suffice; humility is needed that love may be +rightly directed. If humility be lacking, love unconsciously begins to +center in self. With a feeling of shame I confess that twice in my life +since becoming a Christian, I have lost the ballast of humility so that +love went astray. I thought to love God and be faithful; I thought that +I was attaining to greater love; but to my surprize, when the Holy +Spirit + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page96" name="page96"></a>[96]</span> + + set my heart before me in the clear light of pure love, I found +within that awful, ghastly, defiling principle of self-love. +</p> +<p> +If your soul loves the perfect life, "humble yourself under the hand of +God" and "keep yourself in his love." After years of experiences and +some sad failures, I have found, with a greater certainty than ever, +that love ballasted by humility is the secret of a happy, holy life. I +trust that during the remaining days of my life my soul shall flourish +like the palm-tree, and grow strong like the cedars of Lebanon, and that +I shall develop into that greater fulness of God—into a more perfect +image of him. +</p> +<p> +Today I know that "God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth +in God, and God in him." As my inner man is renewed day by day, to my +spiritual eyes the ideal perfect life grows in loveliness. As I journey +on toward the setting of life's sun, I can see farther into the beyond, +catch clearer glimpses of unseen things, hear more distinctly the songs +of angels, scent in greater sweetness the fragrance from the flowers + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page97" name="page97"></a>[97]</span> + + that grow in that celestial land, and feel the beauty of the Lord +growing upon me. I have passed through the furnace flames; but God has +brought me through, and he will bring you through. +</p> +<h3> +A PERFECT IDEAL +</h3> +<p> +Have there been times in your life when a glowing feeling crept into +your heart and you beheld a vision of ideal perfection? Oh, be "obedient +to the heavenly vision," remembering this, that the secret of approach +to your ideal is love and humility. Humility will keep you in the right +path as love hurries you on after your ideal. Neither the rocks, the +thorns, the waves, nor the furnace flames, retard the lover in his race +for a perfect life when the vision is kept clear before his soul. Have +you made failures? So have I—greater failures, perhaps, than any you +have made or ever will make; but the God who transforms the caterpillar +into the butterfly will transform you into his perfect image if you only +love him intently and be submissive to all his will. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page98" name="page98"></a>[98]</span></p> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<p><!--[Blank Page]--></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page99" name="page99"></a>[99]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0011" id="h2H_4_0011"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + Conversion of a Young Jewish Rabbi +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 7 +</p> +<p> +I was born in an orthodox Jewish family. When I was but four years of +age, my parents took me to England and put me in charge of the late +Rabbi Horowitz of London to fully teach me the basis of rabbinical life. +At the age of seventeen years I completed my course of instruction as a +fully legalized rabbi, but was too young to take the responsibilities of +a district or synagog. At that time I returned to the United States and +soon drifted into socialism and became a socialist orator, traveling +from city to city and State to State, until I left the first principles +of my rabbinical teaching. +</p> +<p> +While traveling through Canada I became acquainted with an anarchist and +partly accepted his belief. I strayed so far away from my early teaching +that from time to time while speaking, I would hold up my Hebrew Bible +and tear it to pieces, cursing God and denying that there was a God. +I really became so hardened that I almost believed + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page100" name="page100"></a>[100]</span> + + in my heart that +there was no God. +</p> +<p> +On the twenty-sixth day of October, 1907, I came to Chicago, and while +I was speaking that night on the platform, holding the Hebrew Bible, +tearing it, and ready to curse God, there came a sudden strong voice, +as it were, and, to my surprize, repeated to me the following words: +"They shall look upon me whom they have pierced, and they shall mourn +after him as one mourneth for its only begotten, and they shall be in +bitterness after him as one is in bitterness after his first-born." +</p> +<p> +While I listened to this, I thought that some one was behind the +platform speaking these words. I looked behind the platform, but could +find no one. When I resumed my speech, the voice came again speaking the +same verse, and I became almost paralyzed for a while. After the meeting +was over, as I walked toward my apartments, I heard the voice for the +third time, speaking to me in stronger terms than ever. The miserable +feelings came stronger and stronger. In fact, I began to look for peace + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page101" name="page101"></a>[101]</span> + + to my conscience, but did not know how to find it. In this trouble of +soul, no one among all the orators, Jewish rabbis, or religious people +of different denominations came up to tell me how to do better nor to +give me advice. +</p> +<p> +I left Chicago for New York, but could not find rest. The words of +that voice never left me day or night. One night, while walking the +streets of New York looking for something to comfort me, I saw a sign +reading, "Men Wanted for the United States Army." At nine o'clock +the next morning I went to the recruiting-station and asked for an +application-blank. The man at the station thought it strange that a Jew +would come to enlist, but he gave me an application-blank. I filled it +out and was examined and sent to Ft. Slocum, New York, where I was sworn +in for three years' faithful service for the United States Army. After I +enlisted I began to look for peace; but the more I looked, the worse and +more trouble came to me. In fact, persecutions from different soldiers +were very bitter because + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page102" name="page102"></a>[102]</span> + + I was a Jew and did not do what they were doing. +</p> +<p> +While in Ft. Slocum I contracted fever and was taken to a hospital. From +Ft. Slocum I was sent to Ft. Sill, Oklahoma, where I was assigned to +Battery B, First Field Artillery. There was only one Jewish man besides +me amongst over three hundred Roman Catholics, and they believed in +making things hot for us, so the more I looked for peace the worse +misery and persecutions I found. +</p> +<p> +On Decoration Day, 1908, they were playing football, and after the game +they went into the kitchen, procured large butcher knives, and came out +to cut the "sheenies" up. When we saw them coming with the knives, we +ran into the tailor-shop and locked ourselves in, hiding underneath +mattresses between the covers. They broke the door, but through +Providence they could not find us. Then for the first time since I had +embraced socialism I began to think there was a God, since our lives +were so spared. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page103" name="page103"></a>[103]</span></p> + +<p> +On the sixth of June we went bathing in the Red River on the +reservation, and the boys came and turned us head down and feet up in +the water and wanted to drown us, but it seemed that through Providence +I was once more saved from being destroyed by these blood-thirsty men. +Upon our return, we found the tailor-shop flooded. This was reported to +the commander, but no action was taken in regard to this or any other +case of persecution. +</p> +<p> +We decided to desert the army after pay-day. When pay-day came, I had +coming to me about $200 from the tailor-shop and $13 as pay for the +month from the army, but out of the $200 I collected only about $70. +That afternoon we walked to Lawton, Oklahoma, to get the train from +there to St. Louis. Upon our arrival at St. Louis, the other man got a +job, and I wrote to my uncle in Chicago, who sent me a ticket to come +to Chicago. When I arrived there, he advised me to go to Canada and +said that he would support me all the time that I was there, as they + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page104" name="page104"></a>[104]</span> + + would apprehend me in the United States for a deserter. +</p> +<p> +I went to Canada, but was still in much distress. Some time later I +had a desire to leave Vancouver, British Columbia, and go over the +border into the State of Washington, but went under the assumed name of +Friedman. While under that name I looked for a position, but could not +find one; so I cabled to my parents for money and two weeks afterward I +received enough money to open up a little store. I took for my next name +Feldman. I opened a book-store, but within three months I lost almost +$3,000. Then I left Seattle, Washington, for Tacoma under the name Gray. +</p> +<p> +Three weeks later I left Tacoma for Portland, Oregon, under the name of +Grayson, where I looked up a friend of mine. He was at that time manager +of the Oregon Hotel. The next morning I was more miserable than ever +before and thought that I was sick. The night preceding I related to my +friend all my troubles, with the exception of my being a deserter from +the army. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page105" name="page105"></a>[105]</span></p> + +<p> +While I was looking for a charity physician who could give me something +to relieve my distress and trouble, I found a Salvation Army man and +asked him if he knew of any physician who worked for charity and would +give me treatment. He told me that he had a friend who was a physician +and who was a lover of Jewish people. This was the first time that I +ever heard that a Christian loved a Jew. +</p> +<p> +I went to the office of the doctor, whose name was Estock, and he gave +me a cordial welcome. Putting his right hand on my right wrist and his +left hand around my neck, he said that he loved the Jews because his +Savior was a Jew and that he was glad God had sent me to his office in +answer to his prayers. I was dumbfounded and unable to answer. The +doctor said, "You do not need a physician for your body, but you need +the Lord Jesus to heal your soul, for your trouble is with your soul, +and the Lord Jesus is able to save you from your distress and troubles." +He gave me a little bottle and said: "Here is a little medicine, but you + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page106" name="page106"></a>[106]</span> + + do not need it. The only thing that will help you is prayer, and I will +'phone to my wife and ask her to pray for you, and I will also pray for +you. This will be the only way you will get peace." +</p> +<p> +The next morning as I was offering my thanks to him he said, "Do not +thank me, but thank God that he sent his only begotten Son, that through +him such poor unworthy people as we should be saved through his love." +</p> +<p> +"What can this mean?" I answered. "Is there a God that will love such a +man as I am?—a man who curses him? a man that stamped his Bible under +his feet and fought against him? Is it true that he will love me so?" +</p> +<p> +The doctor answered, "He died for such men as you, that he might +save you." He further said: "My house belongs to the Lord, and I owe +everything to him. The God of Abraham and Isaac is my God, and the God +of David and also the Prophets. He is my God, and he is your God, +whether you + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page107" name="page107"></a>[107]</span> + + want him or not; and I beg you to come with me to my house." +</p> +<p> +"It is impossible for me to go into your house," I answered, "because I +do not believe that there is a God, and if there is one, I am unworthy +to go into such a house." +</p> +<p> +He pleaded with me further to go, and I went with him. I lived at the +doctor's house for thirty days. We had the strongest arguments on +Scriptures, he trying to prove to me that Jesus is the Messiah that came +to save his people from sin. I contradicted every word of his with the +Old Testament Scriptures. +</p> +<p> +On the thirtieth day in the doctor's house I was more vile than ever +before. I got up in the morning looking for the first chance to get +even with the doctor because of his persistence in mentioning the Lord +Jesus on every occasion. When I came down-stairs, they were ready for +breakfast. I sat at the table brewing within myself, full of hatred, +malice, and bitterness against them because of their holding up to +me the Lord Jesus as my only Savior. While at the table I could + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page108" name="page108"></a>[108]</span> + + not +withhold my bitterness, and when they read the Scriptures after the +meal, I began to laugh, mock, and curse, calling them all kinds of +vile names. +</p> +<p> +While I was doing this they went down on their knees to pray as they did +every morning. Looking up to me, the doctor said, "My friend, if you +will not respect God nor respect me as your only and personal friend +in the city, for the Lord's sake respect this house, for this house is +consecrated unto God." +</p> +<p> +These words sank deep into my heart, and I kneeled down still with +bitterness in my heart against Jesus and the doctor. While I was down +on my knees, I was cursing, mocking at them and their Lord. The doctor +prayed first, then his wife, and then his little boy, who said, "Lord +Jesus, you have promised to save him; won't you save him?" +</p> +<p> +These words broke my heart, and I began crying, "If there is a God, come +and prove yourself." The carpet around me was wet with the tears which +I had shed in crying for God to come and prove himself. I felt + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page109" name="page109"></a>[109]</span> + + within +myself a love for the Lord Jesus and soon had a living faith that the +Lord Jesus died for me and that through his death I was saved. After I +rose from my knees, the doctor, his wife, and the little boy stood with +eyes full of tears, rejoicing with me that there was power in the blood +of Jesus Christ to save such a vile sinner as I was. +</p> +<p> +One hour later I left the house of the doctor to tell my friend, the +manager of the hotel, that the Lord Jesus was now my Savior and that he +had saved me from my sins. He took a heavy chunk of wood and hit me on +my right side, nearly breaking my ribs. +</p> +<p> +I said, "May God forgive you for this and not hold it against you," +while the tears were streaming down my face. This is the first time in +my life that I ever said to any one, "May God bless you!" Then I said to +him, "If it were only yesterday that you had done this to me, I would +have killed you; but now the Lord Jesus has taken anger out of my heart, +and I will endeavor to pray for you that God may have mercy upon you." +Walking out of his hotel crippled as I was + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page110" name="page110"></a>[110]</span> + + and holding my side with my +hand, I said again, "God bless you!" +</p> +<p> +While walking down the street, I saw a company of mission workers on the +corner of Jefferson and Washington Avenues. I pushed myself through the +crowd, seeing that there were some Jews there, and I began to preach +to my own people for the first time that the only way of salvation is +through the Lord Jesus Christ. In answer, there came rotten eggs and +rotten tomatoes at my head and body until I was covered from head to +foot. +</p> +<p> +After the meeting I walked on singing a song and rejoicing that the Lord +Jesus had seen fit to save such a poor sinner as I was. Thus ended my +first day as a convert. I thank God for the first pay I ever received in +the gospel—a crippled side and rotten eggs. I continued to preach the +gospel to my people in Portland for several days. +</p> +<p> +Three days after my conversion, while I was on my knees praying, it +occurred to me that I had better write to my relatives and tell them +what love the Lord Jesus had for + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page111" name="page111"></a>[111]</span> + + me, and that he had died to save them +as well as me, and that he was the only true Messiah. I reasoned for +several days against this; but at last I had to write, because I saw +that the Lord was on one side and my relatives on the other side, and +that I had to choose between them. So I wrote to them, sending to each a +separate letter telling them that Jesus was my Savior and that he is the +only and true Messiah. +</p> +<p> +Sometime after this, answer came from my relatives that they could not +believe that there was any power to save me, because, if I could leave +my first principles and leave my own people, the teaching which I was +brought up under and drift so far away as to curse God, they did not +believe there was any power to save me. I kept sending them Testaments +and Gospels, but still they could not believe. +</p> +<p> +One day I went to see my sister and told her the truth. She at first did +not believe me, but I asked her to attend a street-meeting which I was +to hold, and she heard me preach Christ. She then wrote to my mother, + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page112" name="page112"></a>[112]</span> + + who began to grieve herself to death because I had accepted the Lord +Jesus for my Savior. Then they wrote me different letters and were +patient with me, thinking that they would win me back to Judaism. When +they saw there was no hope of getting me back, they were done with me. +</p> +<p> +On one occasion while standing in the street and preaching, there came +a thought to me with great force, "If the authorities get you for a +deserter, what will you do?" This question troubled me so that I could +not continue my meetings. I went to the doctor's office and said to him, +"Dr. Estock, do you know what they do to a person that has deserted the +United States Army?" +</p> +<p> +"They give him three or four years in the military penitentiary," he +answered. +</p> +<p> +"Do you know that I am a deserter from the United States Army?" +</p> +<p> +He looked at me puzzled and said, "How can this be?" +</p> +<p> +"It is true, and I must give myself up to the army authorities before +they get me and disgrace my belief in the Lord Jesus." +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page113" name="page113"></a>[113]</span></p> + +<p> +I proposed giving myself up the next day, but the doctor told me to be +in no haste and said he would ask several people of God to pray for me +to learn what the mind of God was before I took another step. After a +few days they came to the conclusion that they would send me to Canada, +where I should be out of the jurisdiction of the United States and +should be free. Thinking that this offer was of the Lord, I accepted it +and left for Toronto, Canada. Upon my arrival at Toronto I felt the Lord +speaking to me and saying, "The more you run away from my law, the more +miserable you will feel. Go back to the United States." +</p> +<p> +This was while I was in the hotel at night and could not sleep. I felt +very miserable to know that the step I had taken in coming to Toronto +was not God's will and in his order. I had only $3.10 in my possession. +In the morning I went to the ticket-office to inquire how much it cost +to go to Buffalo. They told me it would cost $3.10. I then purchased a +ticket for Buffalo. When I arrived I telegraphed to the doctor, stating + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page114" name="page114"></a>[114]</span> + + that I was glad that I had come back to the United States to give myself +up to the army authorities. The doctor replied by telegraph, stating +that I was out of God's will and order in coming back to the United +States to give myself up, and that therefore he could not have +fellowship with me any more. Bitterly weeping over the message, I said +to myself, "Now the only friend I have is gone." But this promise +encouraged me, that my God would never turn against me nor forsake me. +There I was, left without a friend and without money in my pockets to +procure a night's lodging. +</p> +<p> +As it was bitterly cold, I prayed to the Lord that he would send +somebody along that would take me home with him. As I was praying, a man +passed by, and I asked him if he knew whether there was any child of God +in the city. He said a woman who was his neighbor was a child of God, +and he took me to her home. It was true that she was a child of God and +her home a godly one. +</p> +<p> +Soon after this I went to Pittsburg, and + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page115" name="page115"></a>[115]</span> + + the Lord opened up the hearts +of a few Jewish people, who sent me to Washington. As I walked up to +the barracks, fear came over me, and I decided to go to Baltimore, +where I remained with a Jewish missionary until the last of April. +Then I returned to Washington, went to the commanding officer, +Lieutenant-Colonel Langfitt, and told him why I was giving myself up. +</p> +<p> +He said: "Are you a Jew and a believer in Jesus? Are you willing to give +yourself up for his sake? Do you know what it means to give yourself up? +It means three or four years in the penitentiary and to be dishonorably +discharged." +</p> +<p> +I told him that I would gladly do anything to make this matter right +before man and before God. +</p> +<p> +"I am also a Jew," he replied, "and I do not know how you can believe +in Jesus and suffer these things for his sake." +</p> +<p> +Then he doubted my being a deserter. I begged him to put me in the +guard-house and to go and investigate the matter. +</p> +<p> +He said, "I wish that I had the power to + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page116" name="page116"></a>[116]</span> + + set you free now; but you are +too honorable a man to call the guard to take you to the guard-house, +and so I will walk there with you myself." +</p> +<p> +Upon coming to the guard-house, he called the sergeant of the guard and +said, "Sergeant, do not search this boy, for I know that he will not +take in anything but that which is lawful." +</p> +<p> +He then asked me whether I wanted to stay in the big cell with the rest +of the prisoners or go into one small cell by myself. I asked him for +one by myself so that I might study the Bible. +</p> +<p> +When he was bidding me good-by, he said: "For the first time I shake +a prisoner's hand, and I must say that I do not look upon you as a +prisoner but as the most honorable man that we have in this post, and I +must confess that you have done a most honorable thing in the sight of +man and God, and I will help you with all that lies within my power to +make everything easy for you." +</p> +<p> +The next morning the lieutenant-colonel + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page117" name="page117"></a>[117]</span> + + came into the guard-house asking +for me. When I came near the door, he reached out his hand and grasped +mine, saying, "Neither my wife nor I have slept during the night, and +I have decided to recommend you for a year's clemency, so that you will +have only two years to serve." +</p> +<p> +It did not sound very good to me, but I went into the guard-house and +prayed. The thought came to me, "Can you not trust the Lord to carry you +through all these difficulties?" I said to myself, "Yes, I leave all in +the hands of the Lord." +</p> +<p> +After a few weeks the court was detailed. The president of the court +was Captain Koester, who, I was informed, was an infidel. The next man +of his court, Captain Ottwell, was a Christian Scientist, and the rest +of the court, including eleven officers, were Roman Catholics. They +detailed Lieutenant Rockwell to be my counsel for defense. He came up +to the court-house and said: +</p> +<p> +"You are a Jew, are you not?" +</p> +<p> +"Yes." +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page118" name="page118"></a>[118]</span></p> + +<p> +"And you believe in Jesus Christ, do you not?" +</p> +<p> +"Yes." +</p> +<p> +"I have no use for Jews, especially for a turncoat, and I will see that +you get the limit of the court." +</p> +<p> +This broke me all up, and I said, "Lieutenant, if you can, God will let +you go ahead." +</p> +<p> +I then walked into my cell and knelt down to pray, broken-hearted. The +scripture came to me, "Fear them not; for I the Lord thy God shall fight +for you." I rejoiced to know that the Lord was fighting my battles and +that he would do it well. Thirteen days afterwards I was tried. +</p> +<p> +When I came to the court, the lieutenant came to me with a piece of +paper in his hand and said: "I am sorry for the words which I spoke to +you, but I have suffered for them, and with God's help I will recommend +you to clemency. The same Lord that saved you has also saved me." +</p> +<p> +The judge of the court asked me what I would plead to the charge. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page119" name="page119"></a>[119]</span></p> + +<p> +"I plead guilty to the charge of desertion and violation of the +forty-seventh article of war." +</p> +<p> +He asked me again if I knew what it meant to plead guilty. I answered +that I knew. +</p> +<p> +He then asked me what my plea on the specification of the forty-seventh +article of war was. +</p> +<p> +"Guilty," I answered. +</p> +<p> +He said to the court, "I want to make plain to this boy the solemnity of +these charges, that he may know the consequences thereof." He then asked +me if I had any pleas to make. +</p> +<p> +I told him no, and repeated the scripture that the Lord had given me: +"Fear them not; for I the Lord thy God shall fight for you." I said, +"I fear you not, for my Lord will fight for me and will deliver me." +</p> +<p> +Then the counsel for the defense arose and made this statement: +</p> +<p> +"Fellow Officers: You all know what a bitter man I was against the Jews. +You know that I was not going to make any plea, + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page120" name="page120"></a>[120]</span> + + but to let this boy get +all that the court could give him, and be sorry afterwards that the +court could not give him more. But the same God that he serves troubled +me and made me sick, as you know, until I realized that the same God +must be my God and the same Savior my Savior; and furthermore, the same +Jesus that saved this Jewish boy has saved me also." +</p> +<p> +The court was greatly surprized, but my counsel went on further and +handed the court a paper and explained verbally the different reasons +for his pleas until tears came to the eyes of Captain Koester, Captain +Ottwell, and the different members of the court. Four of the worst +officers arose and recommended me for eighteen months' clemency and +thirteen dollars a month fine and reinstatement to duty. +</p> +<p> +The recommendation of the court was sent to the Department Commander of +the East, Major-General Leonard A. Woods, who earnestly considered the +case, according to his statement, for several hours, not knowing what to +do. He also expressed + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page121" name="page121"></a>[121]</span> + + himself by saying that if he had full power to +release me, he would gladly do so, without any punishment. Also, through +prayer and petitions to the Lord the case reached President Taft, the +Adjutant-General of the army, and then it reached Brigadier-General +Davis, who was the Judge-Advocate General of the United States Army. +They also had notified the Department Commander to be as lenient as he +could before the case had reached the War Department in Washington. +</p> +<p> +In fifteen days after my trial, the sentence came back approved by the +Department Commander for eighteen months' clemency and thirteen dollars' +fine a month and reinstatement to duty to serve out my enlistment. +</p> +<p> +While I was in the guard-house in Washington Barracks, District of +Columbia, serving the sentence imposed upon me for the charge heretofore +mentioned, I was sawing wood one day, when a fellow prisoner hit me with +a piece of wood behind my ear and knocked me down. About two months +later + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page122" name="page122"></a>[122]</span> + + this prisoner was saved, and the other prisoners became bitter +against me, for they believed that I was the cause of the conversion of +one of the worst men in the guard-house. I learned later that a number +of the officers were converted. +</p> +<p> +After I left the Washington Barracks, I went to Ft. Slocum, New York. +From there I was sent to Ft. Sheridan, where I was assigned to Battery +F, Fifth Field Artillery. After I had been there two days, I asked +permission of Lieutenant Osborn to hold religious services in front of +the battery. On account of its being so cold, he told me to go into the +pool-room and hold services if I thought my God was living. +</p> +<p> +I went into the pool-room, where they were playing pool, and began to +preach the gospel. Two balls were thrown at me, and I was also hit +across the back with the thick end of a cue. They took me to the +hospital and after a short time came back and said that the Jew would +not preach Jesus Christ any more. After another week I felt impressed +to preach the gospel again. While + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page123" name="page123"></a>[123]</span> + + I was preaching, the cook came out +of the kitchen with a pail of hot lard and threw it on me. I was burned +on both of my hands and arms. +</p> +<p> +While I was at the hospital, black poison set in, and the doctor +said my arm must be cut off. I told him that I would not submit to any +operation; that as I suffered this for the gospel's sake, the Lord would +heal my arm. Five weeks later he looked at my arm, as the poison was +getting worse in my system, and he said, "If I do not cut off this arm, +you are going to die from the effects of blood-poisoning." I said that +I still had faith in God that he would heal this arm for his glory. +</p> +<p> +"What church do you belong to?" he inquired. +</p> +<p> +"I belong to the church of God," I answered. +</p> +<p> +"Your arm can not heal," he replied and began to laugh. +</p> +<p> +Several days afterward the poison had come up to my shoulder. When the +doctor + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page124" name="page124"></a>[124]</span> + + saw it, he said, "The only thing to do is to cut your arm off at +the shoulder." +</p> +<p> +I told him that I had more faith than ever in God that he would heal my +arm, even after my whole body should be poisoned. I believed that the +Lord would heal me for his glory. +</p> +<p> +That night my fever was 104, and the doctor was called. He gave orders +to put me into a bathtub full of ice-water, but after I came out I was +much worse, and they said I could not live through the night. At five +o'clock the next morning a sudden change came and my arm turned a +yellowish color and the discharge ceased little by little. When the +doctor came, he said, "I had thought that the arm must be cut off, but +now it will get well." In two weeks I was able to use my arm as well as +ever and was again assigned to duty. +</p> +<p> +After coming out of the hospital I preached much more the unsearchable +riches of Christ, for which at different times I was cast into prison. +The post-commander of Ft. Sheridan told me that I might just + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page125" name="page125"></a>[125]</span> + + as well +use the gymnasium-hall to preach the gospel six nights in the week. +While I preached there, a number of souls were brought to the Lord. +</p> +<p> +While I was at Ft. Sheridan, a letter came to me from my mother stating +that if I wanted to save her life I should turn back to Judaism and +forsake the impostor Jesus, and that if I would do this they would +receive me back again with full honor, as I was defiled before them +and the only means to save her life was for me to turn back from this +heathen belief. I wrote her as follows: +</p> +<p> +"My Dear Mother: I have received your letter and thank you very much for +it. I do really love you, but my love for you now is much different than +before. I love you because the Lord Jesus loved you and died for you. +Yet if my accepting Jesus will not and can not save you from dying, then +my rejecting him will not save you either, and I can not forsake the +Lord Jesus." +</p> +<p> +About two months later I received a cable-message saying that the last +words of my mother were, "My only son is the cause + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page126" name="page126"></a>[126]</span> + + of my death." After +that period they made a burial service, took all my little belongings, +put them in a casket and buried it, and put a stone on the grave, +signifying that I died on October 29, 1908. After this they mourned for +me for eight days. Now though I am supposed to be dead to my family +and to my nation, yet I am glad that I am alive for Christ and still +preaching the unsearchable riches of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ +to my own people as well as to the other nations. The Lord has enabled +me to preach free of charge to any and every one and to give unto them +freely even as I have freely received. This scripture has been very real +to me since that time: "All things work together for good to them that +love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." +</p> +<p> +In 1912 my father died, leaving me of his large estate five dollars to +buy a rope and soap to hang myself if I did not come back to Judaism. +</p> +<p> +The foregoing account of my conversion has been written after nearly +seven years + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page127" name="page127"></a>[127]</span> + + of experience and preaching the unsearchable riches of +Christ to my own people as well as to Gentile people in this country, +in the Islands of the Azores, in Spain, France, Germany, Italy, Syria, +Egypt, Palestine, Greece, and Austria. +</p> +<p> +The most bitter people against the gospel I have found are my own +people. The gospel has been misrepresented to them, and they have not +been made to realize the heart experience. There are over 12,000,000 +Jewish people in this world, yet there are very few faithful and tried +missionaries amongst them to explain to them the way of salvation. +However, the comparatively little work that has been done amongst them +has met with large results despite the bitter persecution. I am deeply +encouraged and comforted to see how open and receptive they are, +although they bitterly persecute the one who comes in the name of the +Lord. Saul of Tarsus was a great persecutor of Christianity, but finally +yielded and became a true follower of Jesus Christ. +</p> +<p> +May God help us as Christians to see our + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page128" name="page128"></a>[128]</span> + + great privilege in giving the +Jews the gospel and praying for them that their blindness may depart and +that they may see that the Lord Jesus is the only way, the truth, and +the light. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page129" name="page129"></a>[129]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0012" id="h2H_4_0012"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + Among Mohammedans in Egypt +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 8 +</p> +<p> +Nothing is said in the New Testament about the persons who first related +the story of the cross in Egypt. But there is a universal tradition that +the Evangelist Mark went to Egypt and preached the gospel with great +success until he was martyred for the name of Jesus Christ. His head is +believed by the Copts to have been buried in the place where the Coptic +Church in Alexandria now stands. From the records of history it is clear +that the Christian religion was carried to Egypt a few years after the +ascension of our Lord, that many in Egypt accepted the new religion +before the close of the first century, and that the numbers rapidly +increased until Egypt became Christian and churches filled the land. +Abyssinia, too, whether through the Ethiopian's return to his country +after his baptism or through others, also accepted the Christian faith, +and many of her people retain the + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page130" name="page130"></a>[130]</span> + + Christian name and boldly defend a +form of Christian doctrine to this day. +</p> +<p> +The church in Egypt, as we learn from the pages of history, passed +through the fires of persecution as other churches did in the Roman +Empire, and many suffered martyrdom for their unwillingness to deny Him +who redeemed them with his precious blood. The persecution in Egypt +especially was severe in the reign of Diocletian. Milner says on the +authority of Eusebius: "Egypt suffered extremely. Whole families were +put to various kinds of death; some by fire, others by water, others by +decollation, after horrible tortures. Some perished by famine, others by +crucifixion, and of these, some in common manner. Others were fastened +with their heads downwards and preserved alive that they might die by +hunger. Sometimes ten, at other times thirty, sixty, and once a hundred +men and women with their children, were murdered in one day by various +torments. And there was still the appearance of joy among them. They + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page131" name="page131"></a>[131]</span> + + loved Christ above all, and bravely as well as humbly met death for +Christ's sake." +</p> +<p> +But as the years passed on, great importance was laid on fasting, +hermitage, and image-worship, and little by little they lost sight of +the merits of Christ's life, sufferings, and death. Today the majority +of the Copts are far away from the gospel purity of doctrine and +are bound with the chains of superstition, and need help to loosen +themselves from such chains that they may enjoy the light and liberty +of the gospel. +</p> +<h3> +THE REAL CHARACTER OF ISLAM +</h3> +<p> +The population of Egypt today is 12,000,000, of which 90 per cent are +followers of Mohammed. Mohammedanism entered Egypt in 638 A. D., and +from that time it has continued to be the prevailing religion. I will +now mention briefly the ethics of Mohammedanism in order to give the +reader some idea about the pollution, corruption, brutality, and +wickedness that exist among the adherents of this false religion. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page132" name="page132"></a>[132]</span></p> + +<p> +"Islam," says Adolph Wuttke, "finds its place in the history of the +religious and moral spirit, not as a vital organic member, but as +violently interrupting the course of this history, and which is to be +regarded as an attempt of heathenism to maintain itself erect under +an outward monotheistic form against Christianity." +</p> +<p> +The ethics of Islam bear the character of an outwardly and crudely +conceived doctrine of righteousness. Conscientiousness in the sphere of +the social relations, faithfulness to conviction and to one's word, and +the bringing of an action into relation to God are its bright points; +but there is a lack of heart-depth of a basing of the moral in love. The +highest good is the outwardly and very sensuously conceived happiness of +the individual. +</p> +<p> +Among Islamites the potency of sin is not recognized; evil is only +an individual, not a historical, power; hence there is no need of +redemption, but only of personal works + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page133" name="page133"></a>[133]</span> + + on the basis of prophetic +instruction. Mohammed is only a teacher, not an atoner. God and man +remain strictly external to and separate from each other. God, no less +individually conceived of than man, comes into no real communion with +man; and as moral, acts not as influenced by such a communion, but only +as an isolated individual. The ideal basis of the moral is faith in God +and in his Prophet; the moral life, conceived as mainly consisting in +external works, is not a fruit of received salvation, but a means for +the attainment of the same. Pious works, particularly prayer, fasting, +and almsgiving, and pilgrimage to Mecca, work salvation directly of +themselves. Man has nothing to receive from God but the Word, and +nothing to do for God but good works; of inner sanctification there +is no thought. Thus, among Islamites today we find, instead of true +humility, only proud work-righteousness. Nothing but the enjoyment of +wine, of swine-flesh, of the blood of strangled animals, and games of +chance are forbidden. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page134" name="page134"></a>[134]</span></p> + +<p> +After this summary of the real character of Mohammedan ethics, an +account of its practical teaching and effect will make the picture +more vivid to the reader, although still darker. +</p> +<h3> +THE MOSLEM IDEA OF SIN +</h3> +<p> +Moslem doctors define sin as "a conscious act of a responsible being +against known law." They divide sin into "great" and "little" sins. +Some say there are seven great sins: idolatry, murder, false charges of +adultery, wasting the substance of orphans, taking interest on money, +desertion from Jihad, and disobedience to parents. Mohammed himself +said, "The greatest of sins before God is that you call another like +unto the God who created you, or that you murder your child from an idea +that he or she will eat your victuals, or that you commit adultery with +your neighbor's wife." +</p> +<p> +All sins except great ones are easily forgiven, as God is merciful and +clement. What Allah (God) allows is not sin. What Allah or his Prophet +forbids is sin, even + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page135" name="page135"></a>[135]</span> + + should he forbid what seems right to the conscience. +It is as great an offense to pray with unwashed hands as to tell a lie, +and pious Moslems who nightly break the seventh commandment will shrink +from a tin of English meat for fear they will be defiled by eating +swine's flesh. Oh, what ignorance! The false prophet Mohammed said: +"One cent of usury which a man takes for his money is more grievous +than thirty-six fornications, and whosoever has done so is worthy of +hell-fire. Allah is merciful in winking at the sins of his favorites +(the prophets and those who fight his battles), but is a quick avenger +of all infidels and idolaters." +</p> +<h3> +THE LOW IDEAL OF CHARACTER OF ISLAM +</h3> +<p> +A stream can not rise higher than its source. The measure of the moral +stature of Mohammed is the source and foundation of all moral ideas +of Islam. His conduct is the standard of character. We need not be +surprized, therefore, that the ethical standard is so low among his +followers. + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page136" name="page136"></a>[136]</span> + + Raymond Lull, the first missionary to Moslems, used to show +in his preachings that Mohammed had none of the seven cardinal virtues, +and was guilty of the seven deadly sins. He may have gone too far, but +it would not be difficult to show that pride, lust, envy, and anger were +prominent traits in the Prophet's character. +</p> +<p> +To take an example, what Mohammed taught regarding truthfulness is +convincing. There are two authenticated sayings of his given in the +traditions on the subject of lying: "When a servant of God tells a lie, +his guardian angels move away to the distance of a mile because of the +badness of its smell." "Verily a lie is allowable in three cases—to +women, to reconcile friends, and in war." It is no wonder, then, that +among the Prophet's followers and imitators "truth-telling is one of the +lost arts" and that perjury is too common to be noticed. As I pass in +the streets of Cairo, many times I hear the Moslems utter the word, +b'ism Allah, "in the name of God," while the speaker + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page137" name="page137"></a>[137]</span> + + knows very well +that his words are altogether a lie. +</p> +<p> +There are certain things which the ethics of Islam allow, of which it is +also necessary to write. They exist, not in spite of Islam, but because +of Islam, and because of the teachings of its sacred book. +</p> +<h3> +POLYGAMY, DIVORCE, AND SLAVERY +</h3> +<p> +These three evils are so closely intertwined with the Mohammedan +religion, its book, and its prophet, that they can never be wholly +abandoned without doing violence to the teaching of the Koran and the +example of Mohammed. +</p> +<p> +A Moslem who lives up to his privileges and follows the example of their +saints can have four wives and any number of slave concubines; can +divorce at his pleasure; can remarry his divorced wives by a special, +though abominable, arrangement; and in addition to all this, if he +belong to the Shiah sect he can contract marriages for fun (metaa), +which are temporary. The Koran permits a Moslem to marry four legal +wives, + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page138" name="page138"></a>[138]</span> + + and to have as many concubines, or slave-girls, as he can support. +In Turkey, Moslems call a woman cow. +</p> +<p> +In Islam, marriage is a kind of slavery; for the wife becomes the slave +(rakeek) of her husband, and it is her duty absolutely to obey him in +everything he requires of her, except in what is contrary to the laws +of Islam. Wife-beating is allowed by the Koran. +</p> +<p> +The other ethic, which is much worse than all the rest, is slave-trade. +According to the Koran, slavery and the slave-trade are divine +institutions. From the Koran we learn that all male and female slaves, +either married or single, taken as plunder in war are the lawful +property of the master, his chattel. Slave-traffic is not only allowed +but legislated for by Mohammedan law and made sacred by the example of +the Prophet. +</p> +<p> +For five hundred years Islam has been supreme in Turkey, the fairest and +richest portion of the Old World, and what is the result today? The +treasury is bankrupt; progress is blocked; "instead of wealth, universal + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page139" name="page139"></a>[139]</span> + + poverty; instead of comeliness, rags; instead of commerce, beggary." +</p> +<p> +Such are the chief tenets and religious requirements of Mohammedans in +Egypt, Turkey, and in other countries where the people believe in the +Koran. Christianity exists in Turkey by a kind of sufferance. The Turks +hate, ridicule, foster pride and passion toward Christians; the ignorant +populace are taught by their learned men to regard themselves infinitely +better than any Christian. The mosques are generally the hotbeds of +fanaticism. The usual manner of speaking of the Christian was and still +is to call him, in Turkey, "Imansig Kevour" (unbeliever); in Egypt, +"Nasrani," (Nazarene), or "Ya din el kalb," (you dog). Peace, harmony, +and happiness in the homes of Mohammedans are of a very transitory +nature. +</p> +<p> +Mohammedans may be stedfast and unswerving in their faith and yet guilty +of some of the most heinous crimes. Having lived among them, I have had +many opportunities to learn of their treachery as well + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page140" name="page140"></a>[140]</span> + + as of their +sterling qualities. The Mohammedans are in great need of the gospel of +Jesus Christ, which is a gospel of pardon, peace, purity, righteousness, +and true wisdom. +</p> +<p> +Notwithstanding the fact that from their earliest childhood their +ideas are perverted by their traditions and false teaching, and their +consciences defiled through their vain religion, the melting power of +the Spirit of God reaches some of their hearts when the gospel of Jesus +Christ is preached. Their lives of deception bring to them many a snare, +yet from among their ranks in the Orient have come some of the most +staunch ministers of the gospel. Gross darkness once reigned throughout +the land of Egypt, and now fervent prayers are ascending to the throne +of God for the light of the gospel to drive the spiritual darkness from +the hearts of the people. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page141" name="page141"></a>[141]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0013" id="h2H_4_0013"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + A Daughter's Faith Rewarded +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 9 +</p> +<p> +I was brought up by Christian parents, that is, they were strict +church-going people; but I never knew what it was to have a change of +heart, though I feared God and did at times try to draw near to him. +</p> +<p> +It was after I graduated from school that I met those who believe in +living holy lives. I was very much impressed with them, but I did not +give my heart to God at that time. I continued to meet them and after +some months became convicted that I was a sinner and under the wrath +of God. Having attended church and Sunday-school from childhood, I had +considered myself a Christian; but when the Bible standard was lifted +up before me, I soon saw my true condition. +</p> +<p> +One day while alone I yielded myself fully to God, and he received me +into his family. I did not know at that time, though I was very happy +in my new-found love, what a treasure I had really found; but + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page142" name="page142"></a>[142]</span> + + the +eighteen years I have already spent in His service verifies to me that +the path of the righteous shineth more and more unto the perfect day. +</p> +<p> +A spirit of love and gratitude begets a spirit of service. I wanted to +do something for God, so began visiting the sick. Soon I felt a desire +to go into the work of the Lord, but this step was much opposed in my +home, my family having had a life of worldly honor mapped out for me. I +waited, hoping a way would open for me to go, but it seemed my friends +were becoming more opposed to the life I had chosen. I was forced to +leave home against the wishes of my friends, especially my dear mother, +but I see more clearly now than I did then that God's hand was in it and +that he was leading me. +</p> +<p> +Mother was so displeased that she took steps to disinherit me, but +afterwards, through the persuasion of others, she relented. She also +forbade me the privilege of returning home, but in this she also +relented. I wondered at this change in my + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page143" name="page143"></a>[143]</span> + + dear mother, who was one of +the best of mothers, for this new life I had received seemed to have +made a great gulf between us. It certainly had made a marked change in +the once rebellious, self-willed girl, and I could not understand why my +mother, who had spent many anxious moments because of my wilfulness, was +not rejoicing instead of opposing me. I now see that my course thwarted +her worldly ambitions for me; hence the bitterness. +</p> +<p> +I had spent a number of years working for the Master, which were +very profitable and beneficial to my soul. To me it was like God's +training-college. My mother came to visit me sometimes, vainly hoping I +would return with her. She told me that if I would just return home she +would buy me worldly vanities, such as fine dresses, etc., which I had +once loved. She could not understand when I told her I did not want them +any more. She even told me I could receive the attentions of a certain +young man who for her sake I had once refused. But that fancy also had +been removed far + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page144" name="page144"></a>[144]</span> + + from me, and I praised God as I explained to her what +a change had been wrought in me. +</p> +<p> +About one year after this my mother had a severe nervous attack. She +came to where I was living, saying that she wanted to make her peace +with God and die. Some ministers and I had prayer with her, and God +graciously pardoned her soul. Oh the joy that filled my heart when I saw +my dear mother humble herself before the Lord! She not only received +pardon, but received a divine touch in her body also. She became a bold +witness before all our friends and relatives to what God had done for +her. It seemed she could never praise him enough. Though she was a woman +of very strong character and personality, she became as gentle and +teachable as a little child. Her nature seemed to be entirely changed. +While I write this, tears of gratitude flow because of the greatness of +God's salvation. She spent a few happy months here below, and then God +took her. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page145" name="page145"></a>[145]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0014" id="h2H_4_0014"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + Missionary Experiences in British West Indies +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 10 +</p> +<p> +It was a warm, sultry morning late in December. The tropical air was +scarcely fanned by a breeze. The missionary heard the peculiar tapping +of the postman at the gate and hurried to get his morning mail. He took +the single letter that was handed him, and with a pleasant nod to the +postman broke the seal as he stepped back to the veranda. +</p> +<p> +It was a long letter; so before reading it the man sank into a chair and +glanced away to the gleaming sea; but meeting only the dazzling light +there, he let his eyes rest upon the distant blue-green mountains for +a moment. Then for some time he was occupied with the contents of this +lengthy letter. It was written in a neat, scholarly manner, and the +missionary noted it all as he read. +</p> +<p> +As he finished reading, a bright-faced woman came through the garden +with a baby in her arms. "Come here, Jennie," he + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page146" name="page146"></a>[146]</span> + + said; and his wife +came quickly to him. "Here is a letter, Jennie, that requires very +careful answering. You know how busy I am; so I will commit this into +your care. This person, a Mr. K. L. Jones, has asked many questions on +the church and other points of doctrine." He looked up as he spoke, and, +finding the baby holding out its chubby arms to him, he took it and +handed the letter to his wife. +</p> +<p> +Thoughtfully she took it and began reading. She loved to write letters, +and this, she felt, was her special part of the work. But here she +perceived she had a task that was very difficult; for the writer, +evidently a scholar, had put forth a dozen numbered questions that must +be carefully answered or this dear soul would be hindered from walking +in the truth. God would give the needed wisdom, she knew, and she folded +the letter back into its envelope and sat meditating on the different +points he had raised. After a while, she asked: +</p> +<p> +"How was the meeting last night?" +</p> +<p> +"Very good! Brother Owen spoke, and + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page147" name="page147"></a>[147]</span> + + he did very well indeed. He used the +text: 'Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall +ye be my disciples.' Several came forward for help afterwards. Ah, by +the way, do you remember Sister Tilton? She was out to meeting last +night." +</p> +<p> +"Sister Tilton? She must be a new sister!" +</p> +<p> +"Ah, well, perhaps we did not tell you about her. This young girl came +to meeting once some time ago, but afterwards became very ill. Her folks +wanted the doctor for her, but she refused, not telling them why. But as +her sickness increased, they became alarmed and insisted on calling the +doctor. But the girl still refused the medicine. The doctor said she +would probably not live. Her people begged to know the reason for her +refusal to take the medicine, and she then said that she had been to +the church of God meeting and had been made very happy, and that she +believed if they would send for the elders of that church she should +be healed. So word came, and Brother Owen went and anointed her in + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page148" name="page148"></a>[148]</span> + + accordance with Jas. 5:14, 15. She has been getting better right along, +and tonight she was at the meeting. She is saved now and seems to have +a clear experience." +</p> +<p> +"Thank God!" was the hearty response. "How I should have loved to be +at the meeting last night!—but for the present here is my meeting, +and here is my work," and, catching up the baby and waving the letter +happily, she ran into the house at the sound of children's voices +within. +</p> +<p> +After the baby had been bathed and put to sleep, and the other children +were sitting quietly at play on the side veranda, Sister Patience +settled herself with her Bible at her husband's desk to answer this +important letter. Bowing her head she besought God for this soul and for +wisdom to answer his difficult questions aright. Then taking up her pen, +she began the letter. She was so glad to write; she loved writing; and +the joy of it always seemed to get into the very letters and shine back +from the pages. She addressed Mr. Jones cordially and kindly, and then +took up the substance of the letter + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page149" name="page149"></a>[149]</span> + + itself. In calling his attention to +certain truths she referred to the Bible time after time, and again and +again she prayed, for the letter seemed particularly important to her. +Long she meditated over some of the knotty questions, endeavoring to +find the wisest explanation. Sometimes she was interrupted by the +children just when she most needed to be quiet; but she had learned that +interruptions often come as blessings in disguise, for often God had +given thoughts that were clearer and better when she had patiently gone +to attend to the children, and when she was free to return to her work +she had found an answer preparing itself in her mind without an effort +on her part. Thus, after several hours of close application, she +finished the letter and sent it off with a trusting spirit. +</p> +<p> +Sister Patience hoped to receive an answer to her letter immediately, +but week after week passed, and there was no response. Dread began to +creep upon her that this soul would not accept the truth. She took him +earnestly to God many times and + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page150" name="page150"></a>[150]</span> + + trusted that God would in some way +overrule. However, as four months passed and she had not heard again, +she gave him over as being no longer interested. +</p> +<p> +Then it was that one morning there came, to her surprize, a letter in +the same fine handwriting. How cordially he wrote! He thanked her for +answering the former letter so fully and said he had been searching and +proving her answers by the Word during the long interval. And now there +were still a few points remaining that he disagreed with her upon; again +she found a few numbered questions to answer. +</p> +<p> +These, like the first, were very shrewd, puzzling questions, and only +sagacious answers would satisfy the inquirer. Again Sister Patience +labored over the letter with prayer and meditation. Then, leaning hard +upon God, she wrote another encouraging letter setting forth expositions +of Scripture as clearly as possible. This time she invited her +correspondent to a series of meetings they were expecting to hold during +the coming winter season, when they hoped to have + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page151" name="page151"></a>[151]</span> + + with them one or two +ministers from America for a short period. +</p> +<p> +Again she waited long for an answer; but this time she did not give him +up. Several months passed, and then one of the brethren, a colporteur, +came. He had been away for several months, and Sister Patience was very +glad to see him. +</p> +<p> +"And tell me now, Brother Delworth," she said, after the first greetings +were over, "where have you been all this time?" +</p> +<p> +"Mostly in Arendon and Lawney. I went from Panville to Mayfield, and +from there to Paldings." +</p> +<p> +"Paldings! You were at Paldings? Do you know one K. L. Jones?" asked +Sister Patience with great interest. +</p> +<p> +"Ah yes, a fine old gentleman, a school-teacher. He is saved. I sold him +some books. He seems very much interested. And, by the way, he asked me +to say to you when I should see you that he hoped to come over to the +meeting next month, when the brethren are here from America. You will +hear from him soon." +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page152" name="page152"></a>[152]</span></p> + +<p> +The time was drawing near for the coming of the brethren from America. +Arrangements had been made for a meeting during their stay, which would +be only for a few days. And then one day a letter came from Brother +Jones inquiring as to the date of the meeting, and saying that if +possible he should like to attend it. So again Sister Patience wrote +him, urging him to be at the meeting, if possible. +</p> +<p> +Thus it was that during the exciting days of the meeting, when many +from different parts of the country had gathered in to meet the brethren +from America in this meeting, Sister Patience first met Brother Jones. +It happened in this way: One morning before meeting-time, she was +passing through the little sitting-room in her home, when she noticed a +fine-looking native man of venerable appearance sitting at one side of +the room. People were all about him, but he was looking over some tracts +that had been handed him. Making her way to him, she said: +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page153" name="page153"></a>[153]</span></p> + +<p> +"Good morning, Brother, I have not met you before, have I?" +</p> +<p> +"Ah, no," he said, and, quickly rising, he gave her a courteous bow. +"Can this be Sister Patience? My name is K. L. Jones, of Paldings." +</p> +<p> +"How glad I am to meet you!" she replied. And then followed an animated +conversation in which she was able to recognize and admire the fine +qualities of his matured mind. Finally he expressed the desire to speak +with the foreign brethren himself, and so an audience was arranged +for him after the next service. Then it was, Sister Patience learned +afterwards, that Brother Jones inquired deeply into the subjects of +sanctification and baptism. Later in the day it was announced that there +would be a baptismal service early the next morning to accommodate +Brother Jones, who was to return home by an early train. +</p> +<p> +Some years have passed since then. God has wonderfully used the dear old +brother, and a congregation has been raised up about him, who look up to +him as their pastor. + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page154" name="page154"></a>[154]</span> + + These are backward mountain people where he has +labored, yet such has been his patience and faithfulness and love that +they have become established in holiness and truth. Brother Jones, as +we call him, is becoming feeble now, but he is still standing faithful +as the shepherd of this little flock, faithful unto death. +</p> +<p> +Does it pay to use patience and prayer when dealing with precious souls? +Ah yes; eternity alone can tell all that it means. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page155" name="page155"></a>[155]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0015" id="h2H_4_0015"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + The Rescue of an Australian Lad +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 11 +</p> +<p> +It was in the town of Goulbourne, New South Wales, Australia, that +I began my career in life. Until I reached the age of four years, a +prosperous father provided the comforts of a good home, but a great +change took place upon my suddenly being left fatherless. A few months +later found me in a little town on the St. Lawrence River, in the +Providence of Ontario, Canada. I had accompanied my mother to this +place, but she soon placed me with a strange family and went to a +distant city. +</p> +<p> +As I was now separated from every family tie, life began in real +earnest. It was also the beginning of a record of many interesting and +often sad experiences extending over a number of years. In my wanderings +in different parts of Canada and in many localities of the United +States, the incidents varied all the way from being rescued from +drowning to landing in jail as a vagrant. Space forbids a detailed +account + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page156" name="page156"></a>[156]</span> + + of my experience, which to me affords material for interesting +and often regretful recollection. It may, however, all be summed up and +described as analogous with the casting of an innocent infant into the +mighty Niagara River to be swept along at the mercy of the on-rushing +and maddening current, which knows no relenting, but bears its victim to +an untimely end over the brink of the mighty falls. There destruction on +the ragged rocks below awaits it unless an unseen hand should +miraculously dip into the water and save that form for life and service. +</p> +<p> +Thank God, in his tender mercy he stretched forth his hand to rescue my +poor, lost, helpless soul from the turbulent rapids of sin when I was +seventeen years of age. He set me on the solid rock of his truth and +gave me the Holy Spirit as an eternal guide and propelling power. He has +proved to be a comforter in whom I can safely put my trust when stemming +the rising tide of unbelief and doubt. +</p> +<p> +It is with thanksgiving that I can at the + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page157" name="page157"></a>[157]</span> + + present time recount the divine +care of which I have been the object, so far in my pilgrimage through +life. I rejoice to be a partaker of the Father's love, which is pure, +warm, and changeless. There is an abiding assurance of safety so long as +I walk in the path of obedience to his will and trust implicitly in his +mighty power to keep my feet while I take steps toward the threshold of +heaven. I am grateful, also, for a soul-conviction that the most worthy, +most desirable and glorious life is the one that finds its outlet in the +glad service of love to God and discovers complete happiness in serving +others. A soul without Christ is like an idle straw driven at the mercy +of the wind, but the soul redeemed through the blood of Jesus will +experience a sweet essence that turns the unfruitful life into a garden +of unspeakable delights. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page158" name="page158"></a>[158]</span></p> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<p><!--[Blank Page]--></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page159" name="page159"></a>[159]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0016" id="h2H_4_0016"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + Heathen Customs in China +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 12 +</p> +<p> +To those who have been reared in Christian nations, it is difficult to +conceive of the vague ideas of the true worship of the Creator, that +are really bred and born into the worshipers of idols. Generation upon +generation, for thousands of years, have been taught the same form of +worship, or nearly so, until such heathen ideas and doctrines have +become just as much a part of their nature as is any other sinful +disposition. +</p> +<p> +Having been a personal observer of a few of their customs, I shall here +be mentioning what I have seen, with a prayer that my account may at +least help the reader more fully to appreciate the access that every +worshiper of the true God has to the bountiful storehouse of blessings +provided by our Creator. +</p> +<p> +For nearly five years I lived a short distance outside a large city in +China. Almost as far as we could see in any direction, the hills and +valleys were dotted with + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page160" name="page160"></a>[160]</span> + + little mounds. (Some of the valleys, however, +were under cultivation.) How came all these little mounds, some round, +some long, some large and some small, some carefully covered over with +fresh green sod, and others greatly weather-beaten and nearly washed +away by the rains of the season? These mysterious little mounds mark the +last resting-places of thousands of Chinese. Should the mortal remains +in a mound be those of a child, little or no attention is shown it; but +should it be those of a father or a mother, the relatives who are left +behind do not fail to show great respect and attention to the spirit of +the departed one. Should they not render such attention, they believe +the spirit has power to inflict upon them great sorrow and adversity. +</p> +<p> +Some of their methods of showing respect I have observed to be as +follows: After a body is prepared for burial, candles and incense are +kept burning, near the head and the feet; also bowls of rice and other +food, with a pair of chopsticks, are placed within easy reach, for the +use of the spirit. On the + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page161" name="page161"></a>[161]</span> + + day of the funeral some one is hired to +scatter representations of paper money along the road, just ahead of the +bier. In determining the position of the coffin at the grave, great care +is taken to have the head turned directly toward some favorite temple, +that the spirit may have no trouble in finding its way there. Before the +casket is covered with sod, a religious ceremony is held in this way: +All the relatives present, beginning with the nearest kinsman, kneel +down and bow from one to three times, to the one whom they now hold +in such great esteem. Even the tiniest children are taught to thus bow +before and reverence their ancestor. This being finished, there is +then kindled, at the foot of the casket, a small fire of paper money, +by which means they believe the value thereof is transported to the +spirit-world for the use of their departed one. +</p> +<p> +A day or two after the funeral, and on special feast-days, the near +relatives carry food to the grave and offer the food to the spirit by +placing it in bowls before the grave. + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page162" name="page162"></a>[162]</span> + + They also again burn paper money +or incense. While the fire burns, and the food remains to be received by +the spirit, a woman, usually the nearest relative, kneels by the side of +the grave and begins a long-drawn-out season of lamenting and wailing +for the sorrow that has come upon her on account of the death of the +one by whose grave she is kneeling. She soon almost prostrates herself. +During this season of weeping, she enumerates over and over, all the +virtues and good qualities of the departed one, and begs him to come +back to her. She usually continues in this frenzy until some one who has +accompanied her, pulls her up, bidding her cease the wailing. The bowls +of food previously offered to the spirit are now given to the children +or carried home for others to eat. By this manner of worship the woman +is supposed to show great honor and reverence to the deceased, whether +he was her father, brother, husband, or son. +</p> +<p> +Well do I remember the strange feelings that came over me the first few +times I witnessed + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page163" name="page163"></a>[163]</span> + + from my window such a scene as I have just described. +I felt such a longing to go to the weeping woman, put my arms around +her, and comfort her sad heart. But to my utter astonishment, within +two or three minutes after all her touching lamentations she was up +laughing, talking, and having a jovial time with those about her! +Whence came those agonizing groans, and whither had they flown? Had +"He who is touched with the feeling of our infirmities" comforted her +heart? Had the God of heaven, who is a present help in every time of +trouble, stretched forth his loving hand to dry her tears of sorrow? +Ah, no; sadly enough, no. Believe me, reader, when I say that these +superstitious women worshiping the spirits of departed ones have a +form of sorrow and make a great pretense of distress, but that, in +reality, it is only a custom or habit which has been copied from their +grandmothers for generations back. This may seem hard to believe, but +one thing which convinced me the quickest was that they all have +precisely the same tune + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page164" name="page164"></a>[164]</span> + + or swing to their wailing. After hearing it +once or twice, you always recognize it afterwards, wherever you are, +whether you see the person or not. It is like a recitation or song +committed to memory. There may be no signs whatsoever of sorrow +until after the woman has taken her place beside the grave, when she +immediately begins in tones that could probably be heard, on a quiet +day, a quarter of a mile away, and continues wailing in the same pitch +until some one bids her cease, when her outward appearance of sorrow +ceases as abruptly as it began. I do not mean to say that never is there +any real sorrow mingled with the outward form. There may be, but it is +the outward form which constitutes the worship and which every woman +seems to know how to perform when the occasion presents itself. +</p> +<p> +Now permit me to tell something concerning the worship of idols. +Originally, I had the idea that the inside arrangement of a heathen +temple was very much the same as that of a Christian chapel; namely, +that + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page165" name="page165"></a>[165]</span> + + seats were orderly arranged for the worshipers and that the idols +would be standing in the front where the pulpit should be. But upon +my first visit to a temple, I saw that I was mistaken. At or near the +temple door stand two very large, fierce-looking idols, known as guards +of the temple. Arranged all around the sides are numerous other idols, +of various kinds and sizes. But in the center of the building stands +one or more large idols, who are supposed to impart different kinds +of blessings to the worshiper. Standing near by are a number of +incense-pots, from which ascends smoke continuously on worship-days. +On the floor can be seen a number of thick, round mats, on which the +worshipers kneel as they bow before the idols. They do not have fixed +hours of worship and all assemble at the appointed time, but at any time +throughout the day few or many may go in and bow before whatever idols +are supposed to bestow the kinds of blessings desired. The idol is not +supposed to give out the blessing at the time the worshiper bows before +him, + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page166" name="page166"></a>[166]</span> + + as some readers may have believed. For instance, at the beginning +of a new year, if a man bows before the god of wealth, he does not +expect the idol to hand out money to him, but rather he expects that +during the coming year he shall have financial prosperity. +</p> +<p> +I remember once seeing a father bow before an idol, then take his three +little children, one by one, show them how to kneel upon the mat, fold +their little hands, and bump their heads several times upon the floor +in front of the hideous idol, of which the little ones were afraid. The +father noticed that I was observing closely the procedure. When it was +all finished, he looked at me with a smile, as if to say, "Didn't they +do well?" +</p> +<p> +These things can not but make sad the heart of a child of God. Catching +a glimpse now and again of a bit of real idol-worship helps one to +realize that the church, in evangelizing the world, has indeed a mighty +undertaking. From a human standpoint, it may seem impossible, but with +God all things are possible. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page167" name="page167"></a>[167]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0017" id="h2H_4_0017"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + Deliverance from Discouragements and Extremism +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 13 +</p> +<p> +Along the narrow way that leads to heaven, the Christian meets with many +experiences that to him seem strange and inexplicable. That at times +he should walk in light and then again in darkness; that sometimes he +should run with ease and then again be compelled (as Bunyan puts it) "to +fall from running to going, and from going to clambering upon his hands +and his knees, because of the steepness of the place"; that he should +stand today upon the mountain-top of glory and tomorrow find himself +plunged into the valley of despondency and gloom; that today he should +feel so clearly his Savior's presence, and tomorrow be left seemingly so +entirely to himself; all these and many other things of like nature tend +to puzzle and confuse the souls of pilgrims on the way to glory. That +discouragements and disappointments would come from outside sources +almost all have expected, but + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page168" name="page168"></a>[168]</span> + + that the inward life should be changeful +and varied in any wise many have not thought consistent with true +Christian experience. +</p> +<h3> +VARIED EXPERIENCES +</h3> +<p> +Some, upon discovering that the Christian's pathway leads not always +through verdant valleys and beside still waters, conclude that the +way is too often rough and that therefore the prize is not worth the +running, become discouraged and turn back into sin. Others, after +wondering and seeking in vain for a way always bright and easy, and +learning that all Christians have similar experiences of inward light +and shade, conclude that these things are part of the way and determine +to take them as a matter of course and make the best of them. They +consider the prize too great to miss, and so they press on at any cost, +having settled down to endure what must be endured and to enjoy what may +be enjoyed, hoping some day for an end to it all, but never discovering +the causes, or being able + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page169" name="page169"></a>[169]</span> + + to think the thoughts of God concerning their +difficulties. +</p> +<p> +Another class can not be satisfied with this condition of mingled light +and shade. Their souls must ever see the face of God, and with nothing +short of that can they abide content. They would make any sacrifice if +only the glory and joy they desire might be theirs, and without it they +can not be still. Everywhere they turn crying, "Wherefore hidest thou +thy face," "Make me to know my transgression and my sin" (Job 13:23, +24); and, like Job again, 'they go forward, but he is not there; and +backward, but they can not perceive him'; on the right and left they +seek, but can not find him (Job 23:8, 9). But they never quiet their +souls sufficiently for God to tell them the causes of the conditions +which they so much deplore. +</p> +<p> +Yet another class of Christians go through like experiences with the +others, but somehow God by his grace enables their hearts, perhaps after +years of struggling, to settle down at last into a state of stillness +and + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page170" name="page170"></a>[170]</span> + + calm submission where he can teach them the causes of their troubles +and so bring them out into that "wealthy place" which is the normal +state of a mature Christian. Then they can sing with Job, "I have heard +of thee by the hearing of the ear; but NOW mine eye seeth thee" (Job. +42:5). +</p> +<p> +In religious as truly as in physical and temporal affairs, there is +never an effect without an adequate cause. If the Word of God loses +its richness, if darkness falls upon the soul, if it is hard to pray, +if there is a lack of victory in any respect, there is a reason, a +sufficient cause for such a condition. Let it be understood here that +the causes are not always, in fact often are not, sins. Much confusion +has arisen from imagining that every chastening of the Lord is the +punishment of some sin, when, in fact, each of God's sons must endure +chastisement that they may become in a fuller sense partakers of his +holiness. Thus, we conclude that all the unpleasant experiences with +which we meet in the upward way must be for the sake of eliminating + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page171" name="page171"></a>[171]</span> + + something of self and of conforming us more to the divine image. We do +not meet them simply because they are in the way, but they are in the +way because we need them. Hence the best way to meet all such things is +to bring them quickly to Father, not inquiring impatiently, "Why must +I suffer so?" but rather: "What is there in my nature that makes this +suffering necessary? What is it that thou art endeavoring to do for me? +And how may I conduct myself so as to receive the benefit?" +</p> +<h3> +TESTS IN EARLY CHRISTIAN LIFE +</h3> +<p> +Happy is the child of God who can say that from the day of his +conversion he has never sinned nor grieved the Spirit of God. Such, +however, has not been the experience of the writer. For several years +I was plunged, sometimes within the space of a few hours, from extreme +happiness and joy into deepest gloom and sadness. Weeks of walking in +the joy of the Lord often terminated in some sad failure, causing untold +misery of soul. When faith again gained + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page172" name="page172"></a>[172]</span> + + the victory, praises in the day +and songs in the night were mine until some other episode or depression +of feeling caused me anxiety and fear. In spite of God's matchless grace +and patient endeavor to teach me the lessons of absolute dependence and +humble trust in him, this condition continued until gradually and almost +imperceptibly my soul reached a place where I seemed past feeling, joy +was no longer mine, love seemed a sensation foreign to my heart, the +power of prayer was gone, and I felt that God had indeed forsaken me. My +testimonies (for I was not conscious of any sin and could not give up my +hope in Christ) sounded to my own ears as "tinkling cymbal and sounding +brass." +</p> +<p> +That a soul who commits no known sin and who never loses the +determination to serve God could get into such a state seems incredible. +Such, however, was my condition, and I have met some who are on the way +to just such a place of confusion, others who have reached and are now +suffering in the same state of misery, and still others who + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page173" name="page173"></a>[173]</span> + + have passed +through and found that sweet rest of soul so plainly promised to all who +come to Jesus. Such, then, as may be passing through or who are entering +upon such experiences, I trust to be able to show how my feet came to +sink into the miry clay and how at last God graciously set me upon the +solid rock of his eternal truth and gave me new songs of praise and love +once again. +</p> +<h3> +A DEEPER SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE +</h3> +<p> +For the two years intervening between my conversion and the time when +I was enabled to make a complete consecration and receive an experience +which I had not before attained, I enjoyed and endured the experiences +common to the Christian in his early religious life. Many times I +presented myself to God for cleansing, but as often failed to receive +the Holy Ghost, because I could not believe unless I should have such +manifestations of his incoming as some others had received. At last, in +desperation, being confident that I had yielded all to God, I determined +to believe that he did + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page174" name="page174"></a>[174]</span> + + cleanse my heart and give me the Holy Spirit +whether I ever received any feelings or not; for had not the immutable +God promised, and could his word be broken? After a severe testing of +this decision, the Holy Spirit came into my heart, cleansing it and +filling me with joy unspeakable and full of glory. "Now," I thought, +"surely all my difficulties are past, and I shall walk in glory the rest +of my life." This bubble soon burst, however; for in my very testimony +to the gracious infilling of the Spirit, I was shown a degree of self +and a lack of humility, which, had I understood the truth of the matter, +should have sent me in faith to the throne of grace for a supply of what +I lacked, but which, instead, I allowed to throw me into a state of +doubt and fear from which I did not emerge for some days. The agony +of soul which I suffered through not understanding the fact that I had +an individual self-life with which I must reckon, even though I was +sanctified, can be understood only by those who have become victims to +doubts in a like manner. After a + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page175" name="page175"></a>[175]</span> + + time faith became stronger, the seasons +of depression became fewer, and my soul lived upon the wing. Prayer was +a delight; the reading of the Word filled me with praise; meeting the +people of God was the joy of my life; and every newly revealed truth +made my soul leap for gladness. +</p> +<h3> +GLORYING IN SELF +</h3> +<p> +I came at last to revel in my experiences. Insensibly to myself, I +gloried in MY joy, MY victory, MY trueness to God. Others told of trials +and difficulties; my testimonies were full of victory and praise, and I +rejoiced in the fact. Little by little I began to notice the faults and +failures of others, and having begun to think so much of what I was, +I had but a little step to go to make a comparison of their faults with +my virtues. As I remember, I did this all quite unconsciously; but a +brother at last said to me, "I fear you are losing that burning love for +others which you once had." Thus reproved, I sought the Father in a very +simple prayer that he would fill me again with + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page176" name="page176"></a>[176]</span> + + that sweetness and +tenderness so necessary for a child of God. That he answered no one +could doubt, least of all I myself. A passion for souls took hold upon +me. No labor was too hard, no sacrifice too great, if only I could +influence a soul for Jesus. I felt a tenderness of soul toward those +whom I had formerly criticized, and whereas I had avoided them, now I +felt a drawing toward them, and though I believed (because some in whom +I had confidence warned me of it) that they possessed very serious +faults, someway I could not see them so plainly. +</p> +<p> +I was young in years, and oh, so ignorant! If only at that time my +wisdom had been equal to my love for God and souls, how much of sorrow +I might have been saved! How hard the Spirit of God tried to keep me +from taking counsel with self and others! but I had yet to develop that +individuality which can stand alone with God in sunshine or tempest and +at the same time hold an attitude of humble, submissive love to the +brethren. I needed that single eye which sees only God and is not +occupied with self + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page177" name="page177"></a>[177]</span> + + or others, except in humbly loving and serving them. +Partly through a lack of understanding, but more especially because +spiritual pride was gaining a foothold in my heart, making it impossible +for me clearly to distinguish the voice of the Spirit of God, I failed +to heed his warnings, and entered an experience of darkness and gloom, +lighted by a very few rays of his divine presence, which continued over +a period of several years. +</p> +<h3> +CRITICIZING OTHERS +</h3> +<p> +Gradually my former experience was repeated. Criticism of others slowly +but surely took the place of fervent charity. Contemplation of self and +self-complacency supplanted meditation on God and the humble realization +of my need of his constant help. Self-sufficiency succeeded humble +dependence upon the Lord. All this was utterly uncomprehended by my +heart, and soon I began vaguely to wonder why I did not love secret +prayer as formerly, why the Word did not seem so good to me as before, + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page178" name="page178"></a>[178]</span> + + and why my thoughts ran so much upon myself and others, whereas in times +past the Lord had been the Alpha and Omega of my meditations. My zeal +for the truth did not abate. My public devotions were earnest and +apparently spiritual, but deep within my soul I knew that there was a +difference. However, I was so much taken up with helping others do right +that I had not much time to attend to my own needs. God had given me +much light, many things for my personal benefit. These I was very +anxious for others to see; for if they were good for me, why not for +others also? Thus, I endeavored to force my convictions upon all I met. +I loved their souls and my actions were born of a desire for their best +good, but my attitude must have repelled rather than have attracted +them. Anxiety to see every one get as much as possible as quickly as +possible, made me oversolicitous and exacting. +</p> +<p> +At this time I came in contact with some who were inclined to lower the +standard in some respects and give more room for looseness of walk and +conversation than was + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page179" name="page179"></a>[179]</span> + + expedient. These I looked upon at first with pity, +then with indignation, and at last as wilful deceivers. At this stage, +I think, the last vestige of divine tenderness vanished from my soul, +and I entered the conflict determined to vindicate the truth and see the +standard upheld. When efforts were made to discover to me my faults, I +could see only theirs. If it was suggested to me that I was lacking in +love, I felt that judgments instead of love should be meted out to them. +Instead of feeling free in their presence, I felt like avoiding them and +almost feared to be with them. This I ascribed to the bad spirit which I +felt actuated them. Had I only known how, I might have held to the true +standard in righteousness and also in mercy, but I could see no middle +ground. Either I was right and they wrong or the opposite was true. And +I thought that if I was wrong at all I must be wholly wrong. I had not +at that time seen the truth that God judges us by our motives, and +condemns or excuses us as we have or do not have an earnest +determination to serve him + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page180" name="page180"></a>[180]</span> + + and do his will. So any attempt to recognize +those who were failing in doing some of what I was sure was the will of +God only resulted in terrible confusion to my soul. +</p> +<h3> +WARNED BY A DREAM +</h3> +<p> +At last God in mercy gave a dream to a brother who was trying to help +us. I can not recall it perfectly, but to the best of my recollection, +it was somewhat as follows: He thought that he was in the center of a +beautiful stream of water, clear as crystal. The banks on each side were +perpendicular and very high. On each bank was a large bundle to which +was attached a strap. The brother was trying hard, but without success, +to pull those bundles into the stream. In the midst of his exertions he +awoke. Wondering what was in the bundles, he looked to the Lord and +received this solution: The crystal stream represented God's eternal +truth; the obstinate bundles contained a list of things which he gave +to us somewhat as follows: +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page181" name="page181"></a>[181]</span></p> + +<table border="0" align="center" width="50%" summary="List of Gifts"> + +<tr><th colspan="2" align="center"> TRUTH</th></tr> + +<tr><th width="50%" align="center"> Human Reasoning </th><th width="50%" align="center"> Legality </th></tr> + +<tr><td> Zeal for spirituality </td><td>Great claims to spirituality </td></tr> +<tr><td> Voluntary humility </td><td>Harshness </td></tr> +<tr><td> Independence </td><td>Self-sufficiency </td></tr> +<tr><td> Headiness </td><td>Self-will </td></tr> +<tr><td> Criticism </td><td>Criticism </td></tr> +<tr><td> Loose handling of Word </td><td>Zeal for written commands </td></tr> +<tr><td> Exaltation of Spirit above Word </td><td>Exaction </td></tr> +<tr><td> Undue liberty </td><td>Bondage </td></tr> +<tr><td> Compromise </td><td>Fanaticism </td></tr> +</table> + +<h3> +INDIFFERENCE OR DOUBTS +</h3> +<p> +Such a revelation of my heart should have helped me, but so blind was +I that the only change it wrought was to turn the weapons of harshness, +criticism, and exaction upon myself. And for three long miserable years, +with a heart like a stone so far as feelings were concerned, I wrestled +with doubts and fears and tried, oh, so hard! to reach the standard of +spirituality which I had formerly held up for others. Labor in prayer as +I would, the light would not dispel the darkness, the stony heart would +not soften, except for a short season. Then, how I gloried in the light +and how I mourned when it was dark again! Worse than all else, there +fell upon my soul a state of seeming indifference + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page182" name="page182"></a>[182]</span> + + to my condition and +carelessness toward both God, the souls of others, and myself. Stir +myself out of it, I could not. Sorrow and joy alike seemed strangers to +me. As there was no blessing, so there was no grief. There was a great +calm, but it was the calm of the grave; it was not peace. When reproved +for causing trials to others, as I often needed to be, I endeavored not +to be guilty of the same offense again; but no matter what I did, I +seemed to experience no great depth of sorrow. Withal there developed a +lightness quite foreign to what I had been by nature or grace. I seemed +to live only upon the surface, and to have no ability to reach any +depth of grace. This I deplored, and longed for the blessing of genuine +sorrow. How often I wished that I had never heard the truth if only +I might have the chance to begin all over again! +</p> +<p> +I lived in circles, making no progress. Daily I prayed for a return of +the joy, love, peace, and victory I had once known. Sometimes the clouds +rifted a little, and I gloried in it, thinking that surely the Lord had + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page183" name="page183"></a>[183]</span> + + heard, and I should be delivered; but soon I would feel the same +dulness settle down, leaving in me the same aching void as before. +Again and again I tried to repent, thinking that I surely must be +a sinner; but I could not work up any earnestness, nor could I find +anything in particular of which to repent, only the darkness and general +dissatisfaction which I was experiencing. If only I could have begun +again; but there seemed no place from which to start, no foundation for +my feet, and I felt myself almost entirely swallowed in the quicksand +of despondency and discouragement. I realized then the force of the +Psalmist's words, "If the foundations be removed, what shall the +righteous do?" +</p> +<h3> +DISCOURAGEMENTS +</h3> +<p> +At last my thoughtlessness brought upon me some very severe reproofs. +I knew that I was not feeling the weight of them as I should, and I +knew also that unless I should be able in some way to see why I did +such things I could never get any help. Why + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page184" name="page184"></a>[184]</span> + + should I, who longed to be +a soul-winner, be a source of trial to others? Having at last gotten +it settled that there was something fundamentally wrong, I determined +not to content myself until I should discover what it was. Instead of +praying as I had done for so long, for love, joy, etc., I endeavored +to humble myself before God and entreat him to show me what was wrong +within. I made very slow progress. A day of fasting and prayer revealed +nothing. But I would not cease searching my heart. It was very dry +praying, for I had no ability even to feel sorry that my condition was +so bad; but I had one promise to which I clung desperately: "They that +seek the Lord shall not want any good thing" (Psa. 34:10). I could not +make myself feel, nor change my state, but I could seek. And it was +within my power, as it is within the power of all, to believe that he +would be found of me. +</p> +<p> +At last, little by little, it dawned upon me that I was selfish. The +reader may smile, as I myself do now, that I did not know it before. +But up to that time I had never + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page185" name="page185"></a>[185]</span> + + stopped to consider why I did things. +If I spoke harshly, I was sorry and begged pardon, but it never occurred +to me to think why I had spoken so, except that something had not +pleased me. If I prayed when I felt inclined and neglected prayer when +I did not feel inclined to pray, I knew that I had neglected duty, but +to consider why I had neglected it never entered my mind. If words not +unto edification escaped my lips, I was ashamed, but my motive for so +speaking was unknown to me. But now the Lord showed me clearly that a +desire for personal pleasure and profit lurked deep at the root of all +those acts of indifference and carelessness. Grateful for one ray of +light, I sought again his presence and cried, "But why, O Lord, should +I, who have tasted thy divine grace, who have felt the sanctifying power +of thy Holy Spirit—why should I be selfish?" My spiritual eye was +regaining its sight now and my ear its keenness, so that through many +days, in the testimonies of others, through reading, and in prayer + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page186" name="page186"></a>[186]</span> + + and +meditation, the answer came by degrees, until at last I understood. +</p> +<h3> +SELF-LOVE AND PURE LOVE +</h3> +<p> +There is, I learned, in every human heart an element called self-love. +This is not sinful in itself, being synonymous with that desire for +happiness which is the medium through which God appeals to the soul. +It is not annihilated in the sanctified soul, else Jesus could not have +said, "Love thy neighbor as thyself," but it is there subordinated to +that pure love which places God first in all circumstances. To love the +Lord with all the heart, might, mind, and strength is to love with pure +love; but the heart that loves thus still contains self-love, and it is +through this property of the soul that the sanctified can be tempted. +Adam was a perfect man, with a perfectly pure heart; but when tempted +to obtain something which promised to improve his state and increase +his happiness, he proved that he loved himself by yielding to the +temptation. It is this part of ourselves which must daily + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page187" name="page187"></a>[187]</span> + + be denied lest +it degenerate into selfishness and cause us trouble. There is a degree +to which this self-love and pure love may become mixed in our service +to God. This had happened in my case. +</p> +<p> +Pure love serves without any hope of reward. When light and peace and +joy fill the soul, or when grief, sorrow, or loneliness presses the +heart, pure love goes on loving and serving. Pure love desires, not to +be pleased, but to please. It gives all and demands nothing in return. +It loves God, not so much for what he has done for the soul, or for what +the soul expects him to do for it, but for what he IS. It seeks him, not +so much that it may be blessed, as that it may be a pleasure to him. +It desires, not so much satisfaction for its own heart, as that he may +be satisfied with it. It seeks not place nor position nor anything, but +only that HE may find pleasure in it, that HE may be able to rejoice in +the work of his hand. If it pleases him to give good things, the soul +is grateful, but does not forget that the Giver is more than the gift. +If evil comes, + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page188" name="page188"></a>[188]</span> + + pure love can quietly rest, desiring naught for self, +but all for him. Even if his face is hidden, pure love, though feeling +keenly the absence of its beloved, can still say in sweet submission, +"Thy will be done"; for it feels itself unworthy of any blessing and so +is content with whatever its Lord is pleased to do. It yields itself to +the Author of every good, and, trusting his love, receives thankfully +and in deep humility what he pleases to give and as gratefully humbles +itself to go without what he does not please to give. "Willingly to +receive what thou givest, to lack what thou withholdest, to relinquish +what thou takest, to suffer what thou inflictest, to be what thou +requirest"—this is pure love and real consecration. +</p> +<h3> +SEEING MY CONDITION +</h3> +<p> +As God revealed this precious truth, I felt as though some one had +said of me, "Doth Job serve God for naught?" and that God could not have +justified me as he did Job. My own heart showed me self-seeking. I saw +then that I had prayed to be blessed; + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page189" name="page189"></a>[189]</span> + + that I had longed for satisfaction; +that I had sought for joy and peace and love and spirituality, partly +at least, that I might be satisfied and well pleased with myself, and, +furthermore, that I might be considered spiritual among the brethren. +Also, I was honestly anxious to be a blessing to others and in +everything to be an "example of the believers." But to seek the Lord +simply to please him never occurred to me, until I was reminded of his +unselfish love for me. He desired me to be "all for him," not because my +little all could make him any richer, but because it was only then that +he could really be "all for me" and bestow upon me the riches of his +love. A sentence from Fenelon made me more ashamed than ever. It reads +something like this: "Would you serve God only as he gives you pleasure +in serving him?" +</p> +<h3> +LIGHT BREAKS UPON MY SOUL +</h3> +<p> +In the beginning of my Christian experience I had but to see a truth to +feel within a strong drawing to obedience. But now all + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page190" name="page190"></a>[190]</span> + + was different. +The cold facts of my condition were plain to me, but there was no inward +force compelling me to act according to the knowledge I had gained. I +was tossed about and wished more than I can tell for some inward urging +of the Spirit of God toward the performance of my duty. I did not know +the truth that God accepts the decision of the will as the purpose of +the heart. I supposed that no act could be acceptable to God unless +it came from a warm feeling of love. The deadness and the apathy of my +heart were sickening. I saw clearly the wretchedness of my condition, +but there was no breaking up, no feeling of sorrow, no conviction (as +I thought), no love for God. If I could only have shed some tears; if my +soul had only been exercised for its own deliverance! But all within was +as still as a stone; only my mind seemed active. +</p> +<p> +At last, however, I saw that this apparent lack of sorrow was only +another step toward the utter repudiation of self. In the + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page191" name="page191"></a>[191]</span> + + past, self +had hidden behind my tears, and I had unconsciously trusted in my sorrow +instead of in the Lord, thinking that surely because I felt so sorry, +I should not repeat the offense. But a feeling of sorrow can not save, +as I proved again and again by repeated failures, and so God, wishing +to strip me of anything in which to trust except himself, allowed me +not even the satisfaction of tears or a breaking up of heart. He wished +to teach me that real repentance is an act of the will and not of the +emotions. For a tender heart, one should be grateful, but to trust in +that for victory over sin or faults can only lead to repeated failure. +So at last I was willing to submit this point to him who doeth all +things well and was willing to cast myself, unworthy, undone, without +a vestige of hope in myself, nor a place to set my feet, wholly upon +him and to believe that he took me AS I WAS, whether I was able to do +or be anything or not, and would begin to work in me his divine will. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page192" name="page192"></a>[192]</span></p> + +<h3> +LEARNING MY MISTAKES +</h3> +<p> +The same trouble arose about my lack of feeling any love for God. How +could I, who had been the recipient of so many favors from the hand of +God, be so hard-hearted as not to love him! Could I dare come to him or +ask anything from him when I did not love him, when I had given so much +place to self-love and had been so indifferent concerning the pleasure +of my King? How difficult it is to come to God empty-handed! If only I +might have brought at least a little love in my hand to offer him! But +no, there seemed to be none; and at last my poor soul came to see and +confess that, after all, it was not because of my love to him that he +loved me and saved me, but because of his great mercy and love for me. +At length my soul, falling down before him, could cry out in truth, +</p> +<div class="poem"> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> "Nothing in my hand I bring; </p> +<p class="i2"> Simply to thy cross I cling." </p> +</div> +</div> + +<p> +Then he taught me that love does not depend upon emotion; that so far as +God is + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page193" name="page193"></a>[193]</span> + + concerned, it is a free gift to us; that in order for us to enjoy +it we must accept it as our own. The acceptance depends upon our will +and decision in the matter, and not upon our feelings. To illustrate: If +a person does much for me that is hard and difficult for him, willingly +makes many sacrifices for me, without any hope of reward, I conclude +that he loves me far better than the one who does much for me for which +he receives or expects remuneration. Nowhere does the Bible command us +to <b>feel</b> like obeying the Lord; nowhere is it even suggested +that we should <b>feel</b> like loving him. But we do find that God's +pleasure rests upon those who "<b>will</b> do his will" (John 7:17), and +we do have this definition of love: "This is the love of God, that we +keep his commandments." Feelings have nothing to do with the keeping of +God's commands. Of course, it is more pleasant to us to do what we feel +inclined to do, but it does not necessarily give more pleasure to God. +If we obey God because he is God and because it is right to obey him, + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page194" name="page194"></a>[194]</span> + + we act from pure love, and the pleasure God feels toward such service +will in time be poured out upon the soul in streams of love, and there +will be all the feeling desired. +</p> +<p> +Thus, I saw that if I willed to love God and acted as nearly as possible +as I should act if I felt the glow of his love in my heart, this was +more acceptable to him than the same service would be if rendered +because my feelings prompted me to do it. +</p> +<h3> +VICTORY OVER ACCUSATIONS +</h3> +<p> +In acting upon this truth, I was often accused of being a hypocrite, +because my prayers, my manifestations of love and interest in others, +and whatever I did for the Lord, seemed unreal and strained. Here, +however, faith came to my rescue, enabling me to say to Satan: "No, I am +not a hypocrite. I know that I do not feel like doing what I am doing; +I know that I am not getting any particular pleasure out of it. But I do +not deserve any pleasure, and I shall continue to do the best I can to +prove to God that I do love him and am trying to give him pleasure. + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page195" name="page195"></a>[195]</span> + + If he never sees fit to give me back again the joy which I formerly had +in his service, that is his business. Mine is to love and serve. Let him +do as he will with his own." +</p> +<p> +It was all very dry and hard at first, for the old doubts about being +his when I did not feel his presence, knocked hard for admittance; but +I was enabled to meet them always with the same confidence: "I can not +doubt that he loves me now, whether I seem to love him or not; for did +he not 'love me and give himself for me' when I was not trying to serve +him at all? Anyway, my salvation does not depend upon my love for him, +but upon his for me. But I WILL love him and prove it by trusting and +obeying him. This is all I can do; the rest I leave with him." The test +was a long one, and a lesson that I shall not forget. +</p> +<p> +When, at last, God saw that I would ask only for ability to satisfy +and please him, whether I felt pleased and satisfied or not, there came +into my soul gradually light and joy, and oh! such a sweet sense of his +presence. Praise his name! The love and other + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page196" name="page196"></a>[196]</span> + + graces I then felt in my +soul, I could not boast of, however, for they all came from and belonged +to him; and when I was enabled again to bow before him with a sweet +sense of love and reverence, I felt that in adoring and loving him, +I was not bringing to him something of my own, but only returning to +him that which he had given me. I felt as I had not for years that +</p> + +<div class="poem"> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> "The graces within are not mine; </p> +<p class="i4"> For the love and the power and the glory </p> +<p class="i2"> Belong to the Savior divine." </p> +</div> +</div> + +<h3> +LOCATING MYSELF SPIRITUALLY +</h3> +<p> +One other point of which I must speak in this connection is the +difficulty I experienced in endeavoring to locate myself spiritually +when in the midst of the confusion I have described. Could I be saved +at all when in such a state? Did I need to repent, or only try to do +better? Were my careless actions and thoughtless words sins, or only +mistakes? Fortunately, I was advised not to try to figure out so +carefully what was sin and what was not, but to present to Jesus + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page197" name="page197"></a>[197]</span> + + anything that troubled me, and to trust him implicitly to work in me +the victory that I needed. By humbly confessing my weakness and claiming +the promise of Phil. 2:13, "For it is God that worketh in you both to +will and to do his good pleasure," I was enabled to gain victory almost +immediately over many faults and failures with which I had wrestled long +and over which I could never have gotten victory if I had spent my time +picking every failure to pieces to find out whether it was something of +which I needed to repent as a sin or only a mistake. I felt that God was +pleased to have me humbly confess and trustingly turn over to him for +correction any and every error whether it seemed to me serious or not. +</p> +<p> +It would take too much space to tell here of all the changes which were +wrought in me by these experiences. Suffice it to say that life has been +different ever since. Not that I have always felt the Lord just as near, +for he has needed to remind me of the lessons I have recorded and to +teach me others; but whether he seems near or far, Satan + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page198" name="page198"></a>[198]</span> + + has never +succeeded in making me fear and doubt. I have learned that whether God +leads in light or in darkness, he IS leading and I have nothing to fear. +If darkness comes upon me, it is for a purpose, and I can wait patiently +upon him until he makes that purpose known. Submissively to wait and +patiently to trust in him till he reveals his purposes is my part. His +part is to lead and take care of me, and this, I am sure, he will do +unto the end. Therefore I have no responsibility except to go on obeying +and trusting him. Whatever bothers or troubles me in myself or others +I lay at his feet, expecting him to give me victory if the trouble be +in myself, or to bring it out in his own good way if it be in others. +And thus my soul has reached and abides in that "wealthy place" where +no harm can ever come and where the soul is kept in perfect peace. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page199" name="page199"></a>[199]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0018" id="h2H_4_0018"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + Liberated from Faultfinding +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 14 +</p> +<p> +For the glory of God and the encouragement of others I wish to testify +against the evil of faultfinding. Soon after the beginning of my +Christian experience, about twelve years ago, I was severely harassed by +this adversary of my soul. So cunningly were my eyes blinded to my real +condition that I was almost overwhelmed at times through the workings of +this dangerous influence. +</p> +<p> +At times I would be almost free from it, but very much of the time I +seemed to have a peculiar faculty of finding the mote in the eyes of +others and was never aware of the beam in my own eye. I could see so +much to pick at in some brethren that there was no time left for me to +step aside and occasionally take myself into account and see myself as +others saw me. I thought I could conduct some affairs over which others +had charge, so much better than they were being conducted, that I was +at times + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page200" name="page200"></a>[200]</span> + + uncomfortable because I did not have a chance to show what I +could do. It is needless to say that during the time that I was a prey +to this wicked spirit, I had little, if any, spiritual life; but I tried +to convince myself that I was doing quite well. There was, however, a +blank or a real lack in my Christian life, because I had not learned to +be an ideal Christian in humility before God and meekness towards my +fellow men. +</p> +<p> +As soon as I passed through enough sad experiences to make me the happy +possessor of a willing spirit, I began to realize that I was learning +the necessary lessons and through these trials and tribulations I began +to have a little understanding of the cause and root of my trouble. +</p> +<p> +There were three happenings that aided in awakening me to my need. The +first one was a few years ago, when I received from a brother a letter +in which he said, "Brother, you need continuity." That reproof found +its place in my heart, and the first seed was sown toward a harvest of +willingness. Although it brought no immediate + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page201" name="page201"></a>[201]</span> + + results, yet it stayed by +me and was very prominent before me many times. +</p> +<p> +The second lesson was brought to me through a sermon. The sister who +delivered the sermon related the experience of a brother who had years +of difficulty in regard to finding fault with others, and who finally +concluded that the trouble was more with him than with those he +criticized. I began to see my own case a little clearer, but I did not +fully learn the lesson until sometime later. +</p> +<p> +My third lesson came in the following manner: A brother in whom I had +some confidence came to my home and asked for a position, which I +secured for him. We admitted him into our home for his comfort as well +as for our pleasure spiritually, as we supposed he would be a help to +us. It was not long, however, until it seemed there was nothing that +escaped his faultfinding. He saw mountains of fault with us and our +children. At last I saw in his case a picture of what I myself had done +during the past, but I had banished from my life all + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page202" name="page202"></a>[202]</span> + + thoughts of ever +again being influenced by such a faultfinding spirit. Never before had +I been able to see the picture of my former condition as I saw it when +fully manifested in the life of this brother. +</p> +<p> +Although it had been my desire and no doubt his full intention to do +what was right, nevertheless this evil habit, if I may call it such, +had gained such a foothold in my life and in his life as to be a +hindrance to our own spiritual progress and a stumbling-block in the +way of others. This habit of faultfinding by those who are claiming +to be children of God has caused them to wander from the true paths of +righteousness into forbidden paths, and also to turn many others from +the path that leads to everlasting life. +</p> +<p> +It is with much gratitude to God that I undertake to tell of my +deliverance from that great barrier and hindrance to my spiritual +progress. When I came to the point where I humbled my heart before the +Lord and let him turn the searchlight upon me, the faults in others were +not so great, but + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page203" name="page203"></a>[203]</span> + + mine had seemed to climb mountain high. It was with +a determination and positive decision to turn from such things; and the +Lord, understanding my intentions in regard to those things, took note +of my humility of heart and delivered me, for which I give him all the +praise and glory. May the dear Lord help us all to bear with each other, +and forbear complaining, even though it may at times seem necessary. +I am sure it will bring about a great measure of the grace of God. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page204" name="page204"></a>[204]</span></p> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<p><!--[Blank Page]--></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page205" name="page205"></a>[205]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0019" id="h2H_4_0019"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + Help from God in Fiery Trials +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 15 +</p> +<p> +When I think of the great mercy and love of God that follows after a +soul and remember that he knows all about the thoughts and intents of +the heart, truly I stand in awe before him. Since he knows all and has +all power, can we not trust him when we give ourselves into his hands +to be molded into his image to shine for him? +</p> +<p> +"Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the +kingdom of heaven, but he that doeth the will of my Father." Every +one who will give all into his hands will be brought through the fire, +according to Zech. 13:9—"And I will bring a third part through the +fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them +as gold is tried: they shall call on my name, and I will hear them: +I will say, It is my people: and they shall say, The Lord is my God." +In telling some experiences in the furnace-flames, I wish to lose sight +of everything + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page206" name="page206"></a>[206]</span> + + except to be a help and encouragement to those who are +in trial. +</p> +<p> +In writing my experience, I shall find it necessary to make mention +of some of the sad things concerning my husband, a fact which I very +much regret. But I trust that dear souls will take warning and realize +that there is no limit to the work of the enemy when once he gains +possession. I shall never cease to be thankful for the first copies of +a paper called the Gospel Trumpet I ever saw. Through my reading them, +conviction was sent to my soul by the Spirit of God; but being unwilling +to meet the necessary conditions, I resisted the convictions and put the +papers aside. +</p> +<p> +Some months afterwards while searching for something, I came across +those papers, and immediately that same conviction returned, but again +I resisted it. My health failed, and I continued to decline until I was +almost in the jaws of death. Physicians could do nothing for me. During +this time God was doing his best to get me to understand that if I would +give up he would save + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page207" name="page207"></a>[207]</span> + + and heal me. At last I yielded, and he saved my +soul and healed me, and from that day until this, which has been more +than eighteen years, I have been fascinated by the charms of a Christian +life. +</p> +<h3> +THE BEGINNING OF PERSECUTIONS +</h3> +<p> +For a long time I did not meet with any persecution in my home, as my +husband saw the light of the gospel and believed it to be the truth, +but was not willing to walk in it. God followed after him with love and +long-suffering. Time after time he resisted the conviction, but finally +the Spirit succeeded in breaking up his heart and showed him what he +must do to make his wrongs right. He began making a profession of +religion, but refused to make all his wrongs right, and in a short time +the enemy took possession of him, whereupon he turned against God and +against me, and grew worse and worse. +</p> +<p> +Now the furnace-flames became hot. He was restless and could not be +content to stay anywhere very long at a time, and + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page208" name="page208"></a>[208]</span> + + everywhere we went he +set about to turn the people against me by telling untruths to gain +sympathy. He was very cruel to the children and me. +</p> +<p> +After we moved to a small town in northern Kansas, these words came +vividly to my mind: "Fear none of those things which shall come upon +thee." With the cruelty and persecution came a severe affliction. Two +doctors pronounced it tuberculosis in the knee-joint. It was so serious +that I could not bear to be moved, and when I sat in a rocking-chair I +was obliged to have something under the rocker to keep the chair from +moving. The thoughts of any one's coming near my knee made the pains go +through my limb. At times I was able to walk some on crutches by being +careful. My leg was swollen from above the knee down. At night I had to +lie upon my back with pillows under my knee, and I could move neither to +the right nor to the left, and sometimes just to cough a little caused +almost unendurable pain. +</p> +<p> +All this happened during the months before + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page209" name="page209"></a>[209]</span> + + a baby girl was born. My +family and neighbors did not expect me to live, but God stood by me and +gave me this assurance: that as the children of Israel faced the Red Sea +with no possible way of crossing, and he divided the waters and let them +pass through, so he would in like manner help me. Oh, it was precious to +trust him! +</p> +<p> +Just about a week before the child was born, the excruciating pain left +my knee, but upon my recovery it came back seemingly worse than ever. +About three months later the Lord healed the disease, which has never +returned. However, I was left a cripple, and have had to use crutches +ever since that time. +</p> +<p> +At this time I had eight children. Two grown boys had gone from home, +leaving me to care for the other six. I had a great desire to rear them +for God. Thus far I had spent most of my Christian life in isolated +places, where I was deprived of church privileges. It seemed that all +the hosts of darkness were united against my determination to rear my +children under Christian + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page210" name="page210"></a>[210]</span> + + influence. Although I had many things to learn +regarding how to do this, yet God was patient in teaching me. +</p> +<p> +Once when an awful discouragement tried to settle down over me, and it +seemed there was no material to work on, I was comforted through the +impression that came to me in the words, "God can take a worm and thresh +a mountain," and I have never forgotten these words, the thought of +which is expressed by the prophet in Isa. 41:14, 15. I felt that some +who opposed me would be glad for me to die so that they could get the +children from my influence. Once my husband was threatened with arrest +for cruelty, and I feared that my children would be taken from me and +placed among my opposers, as one woman had said there were plenty of +homes for them. Then the scene of Christ before Pilate came before me +and this scripture: "Thou couldest have no power at all against me, +except it were given thee from above." At the same time one of the +organ-keys was down, and we were unable to repair it; so I said, "We +will trust + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page211" name="page211"></a>[211]</span> + + the Lord to fix it." When the above-mentioned scripture came +to me, the organ-key raised of its own accord, and I said, "Is there +anything like that in the Bible?" and quickly came the answer: "The gate +opened of its own accord when Peter went out." Joy filled my soul as +I realized that the mighty God of heaven was my helper. +</p> +<p> +At another time I made a carpet which required five years to make by +working whenever I could find time to do so. After it was finished and +before I had cut it, the Spirit said to me, while I was praying one day, +"Send that carpet to Kansas City to help furnish the Missionary Home." +My heart said amen, and God made my husband willing, blessed my soul in +sending it, and later gave me a carpet larger than the one I had given. +My husband had ceased to allow me to have a way to make money of my +own. I was not permitted to have either chickens or eggs. Once I made +a hot-bed, as plants found a ready sale, and thought I would make a +little money in that way, but he found it just as the plants were coming + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page212" name="page212"></a>[212]</span> + + up and destroyed it. God never failed to bless me when I said amen. +</p> +<p> +At one time when I was in need of a pair of shoes, I went in earnest +prayer to the Lord like a child and asked him for a pair. Soon +afterwards I received a letter from a sister in Kansas City whom I had +never seen. She was giving her entire time to the gospel work and had +a little money in her possession. In her letter she said, "My mind was +directed to you last Sunday during the services, and I was impressed to +send this money to you." At another time after praying for some money, I +received a dollar. I was in need of so many things that I asked the Lord +how I should spend it. This answer came: "Send it to the missionaries in +India." I did so, and in a short time received three pair of shoes for +the children, of which they were very much in need. I had many similar +experiences. +</p> +<p> +When our baby girl was about three months old, a dear sister whom I had +met and who was living in an isolated place, came to pay me a visit. She +remained in + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page213" name="page213"></a>[213]</span> + + that community. After about a year she was eager to grow in +grace, and while she was anxiously waiting before the Lord and wishing +that she might grow like Sister ——, the question came to her, "Are you +willing to pass through what she has had to pass through?" She had a +desire to do whatever was necessary, but did not feel that she could +very well pass through such severe ordeals. In order to be spiritual +and grow in grace, it is not always necessary for people to pass through +such severe trials, nevertheless their consecration must be to pass +through anything that would be most to the glory of God. +</p> +<p> +About this time I had an attack of sickness, and for sometime it seemed +that I might die. My husband went to visit his sister and left me alone +with the children. The sister who had been staying in the community, +felt that she must come and stay with me, and when my husband returned, +the Lord put it into his heart to hire her for a while. The Lord healed +me and made my husband willing for my oldest daughter and + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page214" name="page214"></a>[214]</span> + + I to go to a +meeting at Kansas City. This was my last opportunity to enjoy a meeting +before entering a much darker vale of trial. Our daughter was saved, +for which I praised the Lord. My husband refused to hire the sister any +longer, but in answer to prayer consented for her to stay as long as she +desired without pay for her services. +</p> +<p> +In December of that year a dear baby boy was born. The Lord gave me this +assurance: "I will be with thee in six troubles, yea, in seven there +shall no evil befall thee." My husband began planning to go to Arkansas. +We had been here three years and were getting our home comfortably +furnished, but we learned to take joyfully the spoiling of our goods and +to see them sold at a great sacrifice. +</p> +<p> +One day while I was communing with the Lord, this scripture was vividly +impressed upon my mind: "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall +direct thy paths." At that time there was suggested to my mind the name +of a town in Kansas near where I lived during my childhood. I + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page215" name="page215"></a>[215]</span> + + did not +understand what it meant, as we did not go there, but I understood +later. I had always had an aversion to living in the backwoods, for I +knew that the welfare and education of the children would be neglected, +but I acknowledged God's way. +</p> +<p> +The sister who was with us was willing to stay or go with us. +We asked the Lord to open the way if he wanted her to go, and my +husband told her that if she wanted to go he would pay her way. There +are many experiences through which I passed that I should like to +relate—experiences showing the mysterious ways in which the Lord helped +us in time of need. I learned that obedience and trueness to God will +bring us into a wealthy place. +</p> +<p> +My husband went about six weeks before we did and secured a location. +Upon our arrival we found that our home for the present was sixteen +miles from a railroad, back in the mountains, and that the roads were +very rough and rocky. Our house was a very small one built of rough, +unhewn logs. There were no windows, only some + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page216" name="page216"></a>[216]</span> + + small shutters which +could be opened when the weather was not cold. There were plenty of +cracks and the fireplace was a smoky one. Most of the people in that +community had lived there from the time of their birth and were poor. +The women used tobacco. Some could not read, and morality was at a +low ebb. +</p> +<p> +Soon after being introduced to our new surroundings, I was asked these +three questions in succession: +</p> +<p> +"Are you willing to stay here and work?" +</p> +<p> +"Yes," I answered. +</p> +<p> +"Unseen and unknown?" +</p> +<p> +"Yes." +</p> +<p> +"Not even an obituary when you die?" +</p> +<p> +"Yes." +</p> +<p> +There were only twenty acres in cultivation, which required more hard +work than eighty acres of ordinary farm-land. That fall my husband +purchased a hewed log house of three rooms and moved it down between the +mountains. It had four whole windows and two half windows, and we never +knew before what luxuries they were. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page217" name="page217"></a>[217]</span></p> + +<p> +We continued to have Sunday-school, as husband had not yet forbidden +us to have it. He succeeded in turning most of the people against us +by telling the usual stories, only he changed them to suit the people. +He often used the same whip for the children and me that he used for +the horses. His condition grew worse and worse all the time. The second +summer three of the children had typhoid fever. After the first one had +been ill for nine days, we sent for a doctor according to the law. He +said, "Your little girl has a straight case of typhoid well developed, +and it will take twenty-one days for the fever to break, with the best +of care, if she lives at all." I told him that my trust was in God, +but he ignored what I said. My husband told him to leave medicine and +ordered me to give it, not because he had no confidence in divine +healing, but for fear of the law, and to please the people. She had +never taken a dose of medicine in her life and wanted to trust the Lord. +I submitted and gave a few doses. God had given me witness that he + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page218" name="page218"></a>[218]</span> + + would heal her, and in three days she was sitting up and was soon up. +My husband was very angry because she was healed. About two weeks later +she took a relapse and was seemingly worse than ever, but we trusted in +the promise, and she was soon all right again. Then two of the others +contracted the disease, but they were both healed in answer to prayer. +</p> +<p> +One day during the summer while I was in the timber praying, a vivid +impression came to me that God was going to deliver us out of that +place, and the name of the town where we should live was given me. This +was the same town previously mentioned, near where I had lived during my +childhood. Oh, such rapture filled my soul! I told my daughter, and she +said the Lord had been showing her the same thing. This scripture was +given to me: "I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the +Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. +And I will be found of you, saith the Lord; and I will turn away your +captivity" (Jer. 29:11, 14). +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page219" name="page219"></a>[219]</span></p> + +<p> +We had never sent the children to school here, as the people were so +poor and of such a low grade morally. I taught our children during the +winter. At the end of the second summer we began praying for shoes. +One day the children came from the mail-box with a pair for my oldest +daughter, and then in a few days a letter came from an unsaved woman +whom I had never met. She said: "I have some money from the Lord and +feel impressed to send it to you. Please write and tell me how to send +it." Then we received from a sister a letter containing five dollars. +We had already begun to get ready to go to our future home. We had a +catalog, from which we ordered as God gave us the means, and seldom my +husband knew anything about it, for he would not have wanted us to have +the money had he known it. He seldom noticed how much sewing was going +on. +</p> +<p> +The Lord in many ways encouraged our hearts, for there were fiery trials +awaiting us. A neighbor had moved away and hired my husband to dig his +potatoes and sweet + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page220" name="page220"></a>[220]</span> + + potatoes. The enemy had such control of my husband +that he could not be honest. My daughter helped to dig them, and he +told her not to take any pains to get them all, but she did her best. +He brought nearly half a bushel of sweet potatoes home and told me to +cook them. I prayed to know what to do and received these words, "He +that sweareth to his own hurt and changeth not." I told my husband that +it was not right to keep the potatoes and that I could not cook them. +He flew into a rage and threatened to kill me, and would not allow me to +come into the room where the rest were until the light was out and they +had gone to bed. It seemed the enemy and all his hosts wanted to take my +life. I cried earnestly unto the Lord to give me something to comfort my +soul, and he brought to my mind the three Hebrew children. +</p> +<p> +A week passed and the man returned for some of his belongings. It was +dark when he passed, and he was drunk. My husband went out and talked, +and no doubt smoothed it over about the sweet potatoes. When he + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page221" name="page221"></a>[221]</span> + + came +back, he said to me, "I told you it was all right about those potatoes." +I did not say anything, but did not feel right about it. The next +morning before daylight, he wanted me to cook those potatoes. I refused +and told him I could not cook them. Then the battle was on worse than +ever. He struck me and wanted me to leave the house, and followed me +with a club until I was outside the yard, and then told me to move on. I +went out into the timber and remained there, and the children brought me +some wraps and something to eat. Then he ordered the sister who was with +us to leave, and she packed a few clothes in a suit-case and came down +the timber to see me. We parted in good courage. This sister had, before +this happened, received many calls to go elsewhere. One call was from +her brother, who offered her a good home and support during the rest of +her life. +</p> +<p> +She went to a neighbor who had given her an invitation and stayed two +days, and from there to another place, where she stayed a few days and +worked for her + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page222" name="page222"></a>[222]</span> + + board. While she was on the way, the Lord gave her this +assurance: "Trust in the Lord, and thou shalt be fed." While she was +there, not knowing what to do next, and being taunted by the enemy +because she had not accepted her brother's offer, the Lord seemed +sweetly to whisper to her, these words: "This is the way; walk ye +in it." +</p> +<p> +She heard of a place where they might need some one. It was very muddy +and there was a drizzling rain, but she went. When she arrived at that +place, she found they did not need her, but the telephone rang, and a +lady who had been one of our opposers asked that she come and stay with +her for a while. The scripture had come to her, "Inasmuch as ye have +done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto +me." The woman turned friend, opened the way for her to communicate with +us and to get mail from the people of God. She remained there about a +week, when an old lady desired some one to stay with her and gave her +a home until the Lord was through with her in Arkansas. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page223" name="page223"></a>[223]</span></p> + +<p> +But returning to my experience in the timber, I did not know whether I +should be allowed to return home or not; but trusting God, I returned in +the afternoon and was not molested, excepting a tongue-lashing. Not long +after this our two grown sons came home on a visit, and my husband told +them awful things about me, which they believed, and turned against me +and doubled the persecution. They searched the house for books, Bibles, +and papers, and burned them before us, also pictures of our friends. +Then they tortured the little girls, trying to make them promise that +they would not be Christians like their mother. Those dear boys who had +stood by me in the past! How I thanked God for grace sufficient in time +of trial and for the privilege of loving and praying for them. +</p> +<p> +In July of our last summer there, my eldest daughter said, "I just feel +like packing my trunk to go to ——." It was the town God had shown us +should be our home. The next time she went for the mail, there was a +letter from a sister in the town, saying that + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page224" name="page224"></a>[224]</span> + + God had taken sleep from +two sisters and told them to send for her, and enclosed a check for her +fare. She soon afterward went to that town. +</p> +<p> +Sometime after this, while the second daughter was driving for her +father while husking corn, she ran into a stump and broke the +wagon-tongue. Such an occurrence endangered their lives, but two men +coming along just at that time spared her somewhat, and her father sent +her to the house. I prayed until my faith rested on the promise for +protection. That night after I had gone to bed, God inspired me with +beautiful thoughts of heaven, and I got up so softly and took a pencil +and paper and wrote this poem in the dark. I can not refrain from saying +here, Praise the Lord for these precious things in time of trial! +</p> + +<div class="poem"> +<div class="stanza"> +<h3> MY BEAUTIFUL HOME </h3> +</div> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> Though poets may sing of the streets of pure gold </p> +<p class="i4"> And talk of its mansions so fair, </p> +<p class="i2"> After all it is naught; the half is not told </p> +<p class="i4"> Of my beautiful home over there. </p> +</div> + +<p><span class="pagenum" style="display:none;"> +<a id="page225" name="page225"></a>[225]</span></p> + +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> Man's eye has ne'er seen nor his ear ever heard, </p> +<p class="i4"> Nor can he e'er picture the scene; </p> +<p class="i2"> The music's so rare no one can record </p> +<p class="i4"> The strains of the faithful, I ween. </p> +</div> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> Though art has portrayed fair angels of light </p> +<p class="i4"> In tints that enrapture the mind; </p> +<p class="i2"> 'Tis grander by far in my home ever bright, </p> +<p class="i4"> Where the glory of God is enshrined. </p> +</div> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> No; ear hath not heard, and eye hath not seen, </p> +<p class="i4"> Any thing that will ever compare </p> +<p class="i2"> With the grandeur and beauty of that heavenly scene, </p> +<p class="i4"> Of my beautiful home over there. </p> +</div> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> 'Tis only by faith that gleams from the land, </p> +<p class="i4"> Where they need not the light of the sun, </p> +<p class="i2"> Can brighten the life or lighten the pain </p> +<p class="i4"> Of those who will hear the "Well done." </p> +</div> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> Some day when my toiling and trials are o'er, </p> +<p class="i4"> I shall see the fair angels of light; </p> +<p class="i2"> On their wings they will bear me across to that shore </p> +<p class="i4"> Where my faith will be lost in the sight. </p> +</div> +</div> + +<p> +On the night of November 22 the children and I were alone, and I was +wonderfully impressed with the scripture in Isa. 45:2, 3. It came to +me three times during + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page226" name="page226"></a>[226]</span> + + the day. The next morning, being Sunday, we were +still alone. The children were singing "What a Mighty God We Serve," +when I heard a crackling noise and, looking up, saw the house was on +fire. I looked to the Lord for presence of mind, and we went to work +getting things out. One of the children said, "This is what your +scripture was for. Perhaps this is for our deliverance." I realized the +presence of the Lord in the whole affair, and he wonderfully helped us +to save all the things of importance, and just as the fire was getting +so hot that it seemed we could do no more, a man came along and helped +us. There was an empty house nearby, into which we moved. +</p> +<p> +The people decided to help my husband build another house, and they +began work. Thus, it appeared that we should have to remain there +always; but the children and I took no notice of it. I told the Lord he +knew there was more clothing we needed yet, and asked him, to give me, +when it was time, the money to get the goods. In a short time I received +it, and we were busy sewing + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page227" name="page227"></a>[227]</span> + + until late at night, and the Lord gave me +such a glorious assurance of deliverance. +</p> +<p> +I had two trunks packed full, mostly with clothing. Husband said one +day, "I believe I will trade the place." I did not know what to say, +as I knew God was doing the managing. In a few days he traded it and +decided to go about twenty miles north and rent some land. This was +about the first of February, and he wanted to start in March. The man +who owned the house where we were living, came and wanted it, and so we +put up a small tent to live in the rest of the time. It began raining +and rained hard the most of the time for two or three weeks. Everything +was so damp, but God's hallowed presence made all things bearable. +</p> +<p> +My husband planned to take two teams and have me drive one. I knew +almost nothing about driving, and the roads were as bad as they could +be, up and down mountains, over rocks, and through mud, and I could +scarcely make a move of any kind to please my husband. He also decided +to take twenty-nine goats, which he intended having + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page228" name="page228"></a>[228]</span> + + the children drive. +The morning we started I had been sick all night, and it began raining +and the wagon sheet began to leak; but I kept trusting, and it stopped +raining. Our first interesting experience was the horses balking in +the river. It took about an hour before we got out. No damage was done, +however, except that Husband found a roll of papers which I had intended +for distribution, and threw them into the river. +</p> +<p> +We camped near a house that night. The next morning Husband said, +"Unpack that box and leave the dishes here, for we are too heavily +loaded." The box had been packed with care and contained some of my best +things, and about two sets of dishes which had scarcely been used. He +left them with some other things. One of the girls who had walked the +day before became ill. We started on our way up a mountain slope, which +was a distance of three miles. After we had gone a short distance, my +husband said, "I am going back and unload some of these things." He +proceeded to throw + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page229" name="page229"></a>[229]</span> + + out the bedding and other things on the wet ground +and, leaving us, went back and left the trunks with the dishes. Both +trunks were unlocked and there were so many people who could not be +trusted. I had taken the address of the people with whom I left the +dishes. We had no clothing left except what we had on our persons, and +a few things I had felt impressed to keep out before we left home. The +trunks contained all the clothing for our future home, so I believed +that God would take care of them. +</p> +<p> +The roads could not have been worse nor more dangerous. Some places were +so steep and one-sided that it seemed the wagon might fall over, and the +mud-holes were terrible. The team which I was driving gave much trouble, +as one mule pulled ahead and the other was slow. Husband expected me +to keep them even and drive with one hand, and he quite often gave me +a lick with the same club with which he whipped the mules. Two of the +children were sick, and the jolts of the wagon were very hard on them. +While passing through + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page230" name="page230"></a>[230]</span> + + some of these experiences, the words of Paul came +to me, "In perils often; a night and a day have I been in the deep," and +the song, "Anywhere with Jesus I Can Safely Go." I must say, Praise the +Lord, for he helped my faith to rise above the situation and healed the +children and protected our lives. +</p> +<p> +My husband failed to find any land to rent or work, so we kept going. +Two of the children were still walking and driving the goats. On account +of the limited space I can tell but very little of their experiences +along the way. One circumstance, however, that gave us much concern +was that there were many streams to cross, and at one place by driving +the goats along on the mountain-side the children would miss having to +cross the stream several times, and they were required to take the +mountain-side. It was steep and above the river. Sometimes they would +slide and have considerable difficulty in stopping, and the goats would +run up the mountains, jump on rocks, and cause trouble. My husband drove +on and would not + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page231" name="page231"></a>[231]</span> + + wait for them at the bridge, which was about a mile +from where they started, and it was some time before I saw them again, +a time of great anxiety. It was one of the times when I had to trust +the Lord to take care of them. +</p> +<p> +After the children had driven the goats about two weeks, my husband +sold them. One day about four weeks after we left our home, I heard my +husband tell a man that he was going to ——. This was the town the +Lord had shown me would be our future home. You will remember that our +clothing was left behind, so that our appearance was not presentable; +but I deepened my consecration and told the Lord that if he wanted us +to go in such a plight, I could say amen. Before we arrived, he opened +the way for us so that we looked quite presentable, considering the +fact that we were traveling. A week before our arrival, I wrote for the +trunks to be sent to the town. We arrived in safety. Three weeks after +I wrote for our goods, they had not arrived, and so I wrote again. We +received a letter + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page232" name="page232"></a>[232]</span> + + from the people saying that they had moved and left +the trunks in the house, which was not locked. We gave them the dishes +and other things in order to get them to take the goods to the railroad, +and upon the arrival of the trunks we found them just as I had packed +them. +</p> +<p> +We were now glad to be with the dear people of God and to know that the +captivity was turned. My husband began telling the usual stories, but +they were not received even by his own people. He became very miserable +and alarmed about his own safety on account of the people. He left the +town, and has never been heard from. During these years of trial, many +hours of deep concern have been spent with a hope and trust that the +dark shades which cover his life may be swept away and that even yet his +future life here on earth may be crowned with the blessings of the Lord +and the presence of the Almighty. I do not know what the future holds in +store, but I am expecting some good things from God, + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page233" name="page233"></a>[233]</span> + + whether or not my +pathway is strewn with trials. +</p> +<p> +In relating this experience, I have been obliged to omit many things +that could have been told and that might have been helpful to others who +are passing through similar trials, as there are so many experiences +that would not be advisable to publish. I believe that the good part may +be a help and encouragement to many who have like trials and that the +sad experiences may be a warning to those who trifle with the mercy of +God. My dear husband might have been with us and happy today instead +of suffering an awful foretaste of the regions of the lost, had he +only been obedient to the Lord and walked in the light of his Word. +The sister who was in Arkansas is with us, and we are working together +for the Lord. +</p> +<p> +I have humbly submitted everything into the hands of the Lord and have +been better able to understand the words of the Psalmist, wherein he +said, "Teach me thy way, 0 Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because +of mine enemies. Deliver me not over + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page234" name="page234"></a>[234]</span> + + unto the will of mine enemies: +for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out +cruelty. I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the +Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, +and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord." +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page235" name="page235"></a>[235]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0020" id="h2H_4_0020"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + Experience of a School-Teacher in India +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 16 +</p> +<p> +The message of the cross is the same in every clime. The Spirit of the +Lord will enlighten all darkened hearts that are receptive to the truth. +</p> +<p> +In the year 1904 there was a striking occurrence in one of our meetings +in the Punjab district in northwestern India. An intelligent young lady, +a native school-teacher, offered her services as interpreter one Sunday +while I preached on the subject of the ordinances of the Bible. +</p> +<p> +She became very much interested in the story of the cross, and as the +prophecy was read from the fifty-third chapter of Isaiah, she was much +affected. After interpreting sentence by sentence a vivid description of +the crucifixion-scene and the story of how the Savior gave his life for +the salvation of those who are lost in sin, she suddenly stopped, began +wringing her hands, and fell upon her knees. In the bitter anguish of +her soul she cried, "O Lord! I am a sinner! + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page236" name="page236"></a>[236]</span> + + I am a sinner! Have mercy +upon my soul!" +</p> +<p> +For a few minutes the services changed to a prayer-meeting. Her efforts +were with such earnestness and sincerity of heart that she was soon able +to realize a fulfilment of the promises by faith, and received a witness +to her soul that the Lord Jesus was now her Savior. +</p> +<p> +She arose rejoicing and continued to interpret with much fervency of +spirit, realizing the truthfulness of the words of the apostle when he +said that the gospel of Christ "is the power of God unto salvation to +every one that believeth." +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page237" name="page237"></a>[237]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0021" id="h2H_4_0021"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + Unconquered Will Won by Love +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 17 +</p> + +<div class="poem"> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> "Some feet there be which walk life's track unwounded, </p> +<p class="i2"> Which find but pleasant ways, </p> +<p class="i2"> But they are few. Far more there are who wander </p> +<p class="i2"> Without a hope or friends; </p> +<p class="i2"> Who find their journey full of pains and losses, </p> +<p class="i2"> And long to reach the end." </p> +</div> +</div> + +<p> +Yet if, like Elisha's servant, we could open our blind spiritual +eyes, how often we might discover myriads of angels waiting only for +a submissive spirit and a surrendered will to plant such feet upon +substantial ways of blessings and courage instead of the ways of the +wounds and thorns and crosses. If I had but the power to tell of some +such experiences of my own, I feel it might encourage some other soul +to surrender fully to God a life that otherwise has been a failure. +There is no doubt that God has ministering servants ever ready to wait +on the soul that surrenders to his will. The difficulty is always the +unsurrendered will. +</p> +<p> +When I was about fourteen years old, an + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page238" name="page238"></a>[238]</span> + + evangelist came to our town to +preach a full salvation, one that saves from sin and sanctifies the +soul. The Holy Spirit was working in many hearts. One evening as I was +riding home facing the west at sunset, I beheld, in the shifting of +the clouds, a huge black cross. It stood there between me and the sun. +I thought of Jesus dying on the cross, and that seemed very fitting, +though of course very sad. As this cross remained there, it impressed me +more solemnly, until I began to realize that there might be a cross for +me also. But I said: "Life is what we make it. I do not want crosses; I +choose other things." At last a gorgeous crown of the sunset enveloped +the cross, and in my heart I knew that without the cross there would be +no crown. The difficulty had arisen between me and God. His ministering +servants were ready to spare me the "pains and losses," but my will was +not surrendered. I would not bear the cross. +</p> +<p> +Another warning came to me a few nights later, when I was invited to the +home of a friend to attend a dance. I thought of the + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page239" name="page239"></a>[239]</span> + + meeting and its +solemn significance, and felt uneasy about going. I wanted to please +Jesus, who had borne the cross for me, but I justified myself in going +because the crowd was select. I went to my room thus battling with my +conscience. I knelt as in prayer and soon felt what seemed unmistakably +to be the presence of some one in my room. I looked up, and it seemed +that I could see the smiling face of Jesus. Sweetness filled my soul, +and the room was full of joy. All earthly pleasures faded away. I had +no desire for anything now but this captivating Jesus. My heart was +enraptured. Christ, I realized then, was sufficient. +</p> +<p> +This, you see, was given that I might understand how Christ might +make all crosses easy to bear. To be sure, this impression sank deep, +and I have never forgotten it, but my will was yet unsurrendered and +unconquered. I would not come when called in sweetest tones. In a +"journey full of pains and losses," "without hope or friends," I walked +life's track. God did not have his way, but I had mine. Often, so often +in the + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page240" name="page240"></a>[240]</span> + + years that followed I remembered the last night of the revival +that had brought to my mind such serious thoughts. At the close of the +last sermon a gospel worker came directly to me. I was confused. I had +not decided what to do. I did not want to cast my lot with these people; +I wanted to join a more fashionable church. As she approached me, +I whispered to her, "I am going to join the other church." She said, +"Be sure your heart is right," but I was not sure. +</p> +<p> +Perhaps if I had had more teaching about surrendering my will to God, +I would have yielded and in this way avoided the powers of hell that +laid hold upon me from that time. I was powerless in the hands of these +unseen foes. Everything went against me. My life was ruined. There was +no hope. Despair was my companion for years. Sickness and disease +possessed my body, and sin became my hated master. +</p> + +<div class="poem"> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> "Could we but draw back the curtains </p> +<p class="i2"> That surround each other's lives, </p> +<p class="i2"> See the naked heart and spirit—ah, if we only could! </p> +</div> +<div class="stanza"> +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page241" name="page241"></a>[241]</span></p> +<p class="i2"> "If we knew—alas! and do we </p> +<p class="i4"> Ever care to know </p> +<p class="i2"> Whether bitter herbs or roses </p> +<p class="i4"> In our neighbor's garden grow?" </p> +</div> +</div> + +<p> +I attended many churches, heard many noted preachers, my soul suffering +the while from awful convictions and desires for a higher life, but +without a ray of light. After years of suffering I finally discerned +that what was necessary was to make a complete surrender of myself to +God. This I did with all my heart, hesitating no longer to bear any +cross he saw fit to send. I made a full surrender, and God gave me +salvation. At this time I had great need of spiritual advice; for I was +so ignorant of the laws of salvation that I did not know that when God +had taken away my burden of sin and washed me clean and made my heart +feel so new and light and happy, he had made me his child. I knew about +as much concerning spiritual things as a heathen. At last, a very dear, +good woman became a mother to me. She was the first person who ever +asked me about my soul. She taught + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page242" name="page242"></a>[242]</span> + + me to talk about spiritual things +and to understand them. She taught me the lessons of truth from God's +own Word. She showed me by God's Word how I might live entirely free +from the blight of sin, how I might dress and eat and live to his glory. +It was all very new, but it was all more pleasant than the choicest food +I had ever tasted. She taught me that by his Word and promises he was +able and willing to heal my mortal body. Physicians said my case was +hopeless and that I could live but a short time. I did not care to live +until God showed me I might live for others. Then I was ready to bear my +cross and God was ready to plant my feet on solid ground away from the +"pains and losses" that brought grief and misery to my life. Blessings +now fell upon my pathway. When fever fastened itself upon me and my body +was being rapidly consumed by its fires, God instantly raised me up. He +caused me to "forget the things of the past and press on." +</p> + +<div class="poem"> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> "Whilst thou wouldst only weep and bow, </p> +<p class="i2"> He said, 'Arise and shine!'" </p> +</div> +</div> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page243" name="page243"></a>[243]</span></p> + +<p> +He has given me a life victorious. He gave me a companion and little +children and over every adversity, sickness, and misunderstanding he +makes me victor. When my little girl lost her eyesight and became blind, +the Lord healed her in answer to prayer and restored her sight in an +instant. Time and space fail me to tell of the victorious incidents of +this blessed life that comes from surrendering a will to God. Ah, that +he might have fulfilled his purpose in the beginning! It was not his +will that I should suffer. +</p> + +<div class="poem"> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> "Can we think that it pleases his loving heart </p> +<p class="i4"> To cause us a moment's pain? </p> +<p class="i2"> Ah no, but he saw through the present cross </p> +<p class="i4"> The bliss of eternal gain." </p> +</div> +</div> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page244" name="page244"></a>[244]</span></p> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<p><!--[Blank Page]--></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page245" name="page245"></a>[245]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0022" id="h2H_4_0022"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + An Experience a Hundred Years Ago +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 18 +</p> +<p> +I have often thought of recording some of the mercies of my God—the +experience of his goodness to my soul. I was fond of the gaieties and +follies of the world until about fifteen years of age, when I became +awakened to the needs of my soul. In all former seasons when God called +me, I was unwilling to part with the vanities of the world or to bear +the reproach of the cross. I wanted the Christian's safety without his +duties and crosses, but I now fell at the Savior's feet and inquired +with trembling, anxious words: "Lord, what shall I do? I will part with +everything or do anything for an interest in Jesus." +</p> +<p> +I do not recollect deep conviction for any particular sin, but sorrow +that I had lived so long in neglect of God, not being willing to +acquaint myself with him who is the fountain of all blessedness. I did +not obtain an evidence of pardon and acceptance for about three weeks, +though I sought it with + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page246" name="page246"></a>[246]</span> + + prayer and tears. My burden had become exceeding +heavy, too heavy for my strength, and I sank to the floor. While +kneeling there I was absorbed in contemplation of the glories of the +heavenly world. In an instant darkness, sorrow, and mourning fled away, +and peace unspeakable and full of glory took their place. I rose to my +feet to sing and rejoice in the name of my dear Redeemer. +</p> +<p> +I was away from home with a family who were not Christians, though +amiable, kind friends. I said nothing to them, but they had noticed my +distress and now observed the happy change. Among my private writings +I find the transaction thus recorded: +</p> +<p> +"January 13, 1805.—I have this day publicly devoted myself to the +service of God and entered into a solemn covenant with the eternal King +of heaven to renounce the sinful pleasures of the world, with whatever +is displeasing in his pure and holy eyes; to walk in his commandments +and ordinances; to seek his glory and the best interests of his church +here below; and in + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page247" name="page247"></a>[247]</span> + + confidence of well-doing, to look forward to a happy +inheritance with the saints in light." +</p> +<p> +For a season I thought I was dead to the world, but did not persevere +in that course of consecration, which alone secures unwavering hope. +As I was the only young person in the neighborhood who professed +religion amid a large society, naturally amiable and loved, I had many +temptations to return to folly, which I mainly resisted; but sometimes +I went with them instead of endeavoring to bring them all to Christ. +Here I first experienced a diminution of my happiness. I could not go +from the circle of my folly to my closet and find my Savior and hold +sweet communion with him, but with adoring wonder, I remember that +when I repented, he forgave me. When I returned to him, he healed my +backslidings and loved me freely. +</p> +<p> +After I was married, I was anxious to train my children in the ways of +the Lord, but through many cares and on account of having to work very +hard, I neglected their + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page248" name="page248"></a>[248]</span> + + early religious instruction. I found that I +needed a deeper work of grace in my heart, and when for the time I ought +to be a teacher, I had need that one teach me again the first principles +of the oracles of God. My prayer was, "Create in me a clean heart, O +God, and renew a right spirit within me." I wanted to be freed from sin +and thoroughly cleansed from all iniquity, so that I should never vex or +grieve him more. +</p> +<p> +For something more than a year I suffered much from the buffetings +and temptations of Satan. I knew that Jesus was near and sustained me +in those conflicts, although it seemed that he had left me alone to +contend with the powers of darkness. In the midst of these trials I had +temptations of rebellion against God to call him unjust, to reproach him +for creating me. The temptations came to "contradict him." I did it, +but oh, the horror of that moment! Until then I had resisted every +temptation, as I thought, but now a worm crushed to the earth beneath +the mountain weight of its sins had dared to rise in the face of +infinite + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page249" name="page249"></a>[249]</span> + + wisdom and excellence and contradict him. This, I thought, must +be the sin for which there is no forgiveness. But I could weep tears of +penitence; could sink at his feet and own it just. What less could his +insulted majesty and purity do than crush the rebel worm! But he did not +do it. Not even a frown was upon his gracious brow. It seemed that there +was salvation for every sinner who had not, like me, contradicted him +and thereby made him a liar. I contemplated the glorious character of +God and concluded that unless I could find evidence that my sin was +against the Holy Ghost, I should only be repeating that dreadful sin +while I refused to believe the promises intended for me when penitent. +</p> +<p> +I retired with my Bible spread open before me and, kneeling down, read +and prayed over the chapters in Hebrews which represent the blessed +Savior as our sacrifice and high priest. In the twenty-fifth verse of +the seventh chapter I found this assurance: "He is able to save them to +the uttermost that come unto God by him, seeing + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page250" name="page250"></a>[250]</span> + + he ever liveth to make +intercession for them." Here was something to meet my case. "To the +uttermost" I had insulted him, but "to the uttermost" he could save. +I believed and here my soul entered into rest. I embraced the promises, +rich and boundless, as my own. In Christ Jesus they are all there for +me. I felt and said with heaven-born confidence, "This is firm footing; +this is solid rock. My feet are placed upon it to remove no more." The +view was not transporting or rapturous like my first conversion (if so +it may be called), but calm, delightful, "strong consolation," firmer +than the everlasting hills because founded on the immutable Word and +oath of God in Christ. It was "hope as an anchor to the soul, both sure +and stedfast, and which entereth into that within the veil." +</p> +<p> +Eleven years have passed since, and my peace has been like a river. In +the world, to be sure, I have had tribulation and expect to have, for +Jesus told me I should; but, blessed be his name! in him I have peace. +I love the subject of Christian perfection, or + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page251" name="page251"></a>[251]</span> + + entire sanctification +in this life; but I have not been fully able to reach the point to +obtain that deeper experience. Yet I believe I perfectly desire to do +the will of God. May God bless the efforts of all dear brethren who are +laboring to promote the sanctification of believers. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page252" name="page252"></a>[252]</span></p> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<p><!--[Blank Page]--></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page253" name="page253"></a>[253]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0023" id="h2H_4_0023"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + An Indian Mother's Submission +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 19 +</p> +<p> +To show that God works the same in the hearts of his people wherever +they are, I wish to mention the experience of one of my Indian sisters. +Her little son contracted enteric fever. Every possible aid was given +him, but he continued to grow worse. The fever caused him to become +unconscious at intervals. The parents then decided to remove him to a +hospital, that he might have skilled attention. Soon after being taken +to the hospital, he became entirely unconscious, in which condition he +remained for weeks, yes, for months. He was unable to take nourishment +in the natural way and became a wonder to all who came to see him, as he +was at the point of death yet did not die. Many who were not acquainted +with the parents, but heard of the case, went to the hospital to see +him. +</p> +<p> +The father and mother spent as much time as possible at the hospital, +but when weeks and months had passed, they gave up + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page254" name="page254"></a>[254]</span> + + hope for his recovery. +All the Christians who knew of this child's sickness were praying for +him and felt that God only could restore him to health. The parents knew +a man who believed in divine healing and called him, and he anointed the +child and prayed for him. He became so sick that the doctor thought he +would not live until morning, and asked the parents to remain at the +hospital that night. +</p> +<p> +The next day the father and mother went for a walk together, and while +out walking he said to her, "We must become reconciled to losing our +child, for it seems God is going to take him." At first the mother-heart +could not yield to giving up the child, but at last she became resigned. +Soon after this the child regained consciousness, but was weak, and his +mind was almost a blank. He was like a new-born babe and had to learn to +speak, although he was about nine years of age. Some thought he would +never be normal again, and others thought he would be crippled. Since +he has been restored to health, when that mother sees him + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page255" name="page255"></a>[255]</span> + + enjoying the +right use of his faculties and limbs, her heart is filled with +thankfulness and praise to God. +</p> +<p> +She told me that the affliction of their child was a means of drawing +their hearts closer to the Lord, and of enabling her to experience the +sweet rest of being fully submitted to God, whereby she was afterwards +able to teach others the way. +</p> +<p> +Just before this she had been urging a bereaved friend, who was grieving +too much over the loss of her father, to become resigned to the will of +God. Her friend said, "You can not appreciate my loss, for you have +never suffered such a loss." She saw the force of her friend's remark +and said no more. But when the affliction came upon her child and she +was called upon to become resigned to the will of God, she came to know +not only that it is possible to be resigned but that there is a great +consolation in being submissive. When her friend afterwards came to know +of her submission, she was very much affected. +</p> +<p> +Both my friend and her husband feel that + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page256" name="page256"></a>[256]</span> + + God has given them their child +from the grave, and their testimony is that through this severe ordeal +they have come to love their Savior more. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page257" name="page257"></a>[257]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0024" id="h2H_4_0024"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + The Conversion of My Father +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 20 +</p> +<p> +The most precious experience in my life, I believe, next to my own +conversion, was the salvation of my own dear father, for whom I had +prayed a year and a half. He joined the Baptist denomination when only +a young man, but, not having the real witness of sins forgiven, never +felt satisfied with his Christian experience, or rather his profession. +A few years later, feeling that he would be acting a hypocrite to go on +in that condition, he even dropped his profession. +</p> +<p> +Eighteen or twenty years ago he attended a revival held by the United +Brethren people and began to seek God. Night after night he went forward +for prayer, but for lack of proper instruction, failed to find the peace +he so earnestly sought. +</p> +<h3> +A DISCOURAGEMENT +</h3> +<p> +One day in this great soul-struggle, he called at the home of one of the +ministers to know just how to get rid of the great + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page258" name="page258"></a>[258]</span> + + load of sins he was +carrying. He was completely baffled and disappointed. The minister said: +"It is like this: A man might be carrying a heavy sack of sand upon his +shoulders, and if for some reason there should come a little hole in the +bottom of the sack and the sand begin to escape, it would leak out so +slowly that it would be sometime before the burdened man would realize +any difference in the weight of his load, and only in the end, after it +had all slipped through a little hole, would he awaken to the fact that +the entire load was gone. Now, just so it is with your burden of sins. +As you begin to seek God, they begin to run out, but you will not +realize any change at first, and it will take some time for you to +realize that your load of guilt is really gone after you are fully +forgiven." +</p> +<p> +Poor father! He turned away sick at heart, for he longed for an +instantaneous work to be done in his soul. Through this discouragement +he gave up trying to find God and for many years continued in that +unhappy, dissatisfied state of soul and mind, + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page259" name="page259"></a>[259]</span> + + although he often desired +to be a true Christian for the sake of his family as well as for his own +peace of mind, and yearned to be able to "read his title clear to +mansions in the sky." +</p> +<p> +In the spring of 1906 his brother and family came to make us a short +visit before their departure from the homeland as missionaries to a +foreign country. For some months they had been especially burdened +that at least one of our relatives should be saved before they crossed +the ocean to their mission field. Their pure, holy lives made a deep +impression upon me, and through their earnest prayers and fastings for +my poor soul, I was constrained to forsake sin and yield myself to the +Lord. I was glad to embrace the privilege of being with the humble +people of God who worship him in spirit and in truth, and to become one +of them. I had a feeling, however, that my father might be displeased +with me for making such a decision; but when I met him a few weeks +later, my soul leaped with joy, for he expressed himself as being glad +that + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page260" name="page260"></a>[260]</span> + + I had given my heart to God, and even made a favorable expression +concerning my decision to associate with the people of the church of God. +</p> +<p> +From this time I was much encouraged and determined to do what I could +to help win my father and other loved ones to the Lord. I often read to +him from the Bible and explained passages of Scripture as best I could, +especially those that clearly taught a life of freedom from sin. Being +a school-teacher, my work called me away from home much of the time, +but the burden continued for the salvation of my father. +</p> +<h3> +EFFORTS BY MAIL +</h3> +<p> +A year after the Lord saved me, I went to a distant city to engage in +the work of the Lord. One day I wrote a few words of exhortation to my +father on the blank space of a little tract entitled Prepare for Heaven, +and sent it with an earnest prayer that the Spirit of the Lord would +apply the little message to my father's heart. In answer to this letter, +he wrote me thus: "My Dear + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page261" name="page261"></a>[261]</span> + + Daughter: I would give this whole world, were +it mine to give, for this great salvation which you possess and are +writing about." Then he opened his heart and frankly told me of his +miserable condition and of how very hard it was for him to get right +with God. He closed by asking me to pray God to send heavy conviction +upon him. +</p> +<p> +It is needless to say that I became more earnest in praying and fasting +for his soul. I felt much impressed to write him a helpful letter. Not +only did I feel my inability to do so, but for lack of time deferred +writing until I met with an accident that sprained my ankle badly, and +then one day when I was unable to go about my work, I was reminded of my +opportunity of writing to father. As I began writing and pouring out +my heart to him, the blessings of the Lord rested upon me insomuch that +it seemed I could write scarcely without effort; and as I mailed the +letter, it was with an earnest prayer that the Lord would prepare my +father for all that was written. +</p> +<p> +Some time later my father told me that he + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page262" name="page262"></a>[262]</span> + + received this letter one +morning before breakfast, and that although the letter was very lengthy, +he sat down by the cook-stove and read it through. He said he marveled +at it, for he had not believed that I was capable of writing the things +that it contained. I do not remember what all I wrote, but I do praise +God that the letter had the desired effect. Strange to say, though +tobacco was not mentioned in the letter, yet when he had finished +reading it, he thrust his hand into his pocket and seizing the thing +that had almost become his constant companion, and holding it up before +throwing it into the fire, said to my mother, with the tears streaming +down his face, "I'll never touch it again if it kills me." Thank God, +who had enabled him to make that determined decision. It meant much to +him and was indeed a good beginning of his complete surrender to God. +I had seen him try many times to quit using this thing that had so +enslaved him. He had even gone as long as six months without it in his +earnest efforts to break loose; but, sad to say, at the + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page263" name="page263"></a>[263]</span> + + end of that time +he had come to the end of his strength, and, not having God to help him, +he was compelled, it seemed, to fully surrender again to the enemy and +thus become more deeply enslaved. Now his decision was very definite, +and in response to his earnest entreaties to the Lord, the abnormal +appetite was removed. +</p> +<p> +The tone of his letter received a few days later indicated to me that he +was under a weight of conviction and was ready and willing to humble his +heart before the Lord. As there was soon to be a meeting, he said in his +letter, "Daughter, will you please have those good brethren and sisters +pray for me? The Bible tells us that the effectual fervent prayer of the +righteous man availeth much." Portions of his letter were read to the +congregation, and earnest, fervent prayer was offered in his behalf. +</p> +<p> +At the close of the meeting the minister and his wife accompanied me +home for the purpose of imparting spiritual help to my father. Upon our +arrival we found Father + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page264" name="page264"></a>[264]</span> + + anxious to know the will of God, that he might +find real rest to his soul, if possible. He listened attentively to the +conversation and instruction, but it seemed that he was bound. He had +a desire to pray, but said it seemed that he could not do so. He also +said: "The Bible tells us that we shall know that we have passed from +death unto life because we love the brethren, and now I must know it." +We assured him that it was possible for him to have such knowledge, but +that it must come through faith. +</p> +<p> +After spending much time in prayer and earnest efforts to help him, we +had to let the case rest, and retired for the night heavily burdened for +the deliverance of his soul. The next morning at breakfast I could see +that my poor father was suffering, and his expression and pallor showed +that he had spent a hard, restless night. Surely the Lord was granting +the request made to me previously by letter, that he might have a deep +conviction. His appetite being gone, he soon left the table. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page265" name="page265"></a>[265]</span></p> + +<h3> +THE SURRENDER +</h3> +<p> +Arrangements had been made for him to take the minister and his wife to +the city, a distance of fifteen miles, where they were to begin a series +of meetings. He went to the barn to prepare for the trip, and while +doing his chores, he started with a pitchfork of hay to the hack, but +his heart was so heavy and the burden of sin so great that in the +blackness of despair he cried out, "O Lord! if I drop into hell the next +moment, let me go. I can't stand this any longer"; and, dropping his +fork, he sank to the ground on his face pleading for help. The Friend +that "sticketh closer than a brother" was right at his side. He heard +that cry, for almost immediately my father was up rejoicing and +laughing. "You are mocking God," was his first thought, and quite +dumbfounded he dropped on his face again and tried to cry and plead as +he had just been doing, but it was impossible. His heart was so light +and the burden so completely gone that he could not remain prostrate +longer. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page266" name="page266"></a>[266]</span></p> + +<p> +Now, strange to say, this great change was all so simple and so sudden +that the dear man could not comprehend at the time the glorious fact +that he had just been "born again," had just "passed from death unto +life." Still wondering over his changed condition, he finished his +morning chores. He led two frisky colts out to water and afterward +remarked how unusually well they behaved on this eventful morning. While +they drank, he stood looking up into the heavens, then out upon the +meadows and general surroundings. How beautiful everything appeared in +the beginning of this new day! Suddenly there came into his heart such +a love for the brethren that he wanted to rush into the house at once; +but, having those colts, he had first to return to the barn. Then he +came hastily to the house. +</p> +<p> +Instead of being so borne down and dejected, he came rushing through +the front door laughing heartily. As he caught sight of me, the reality +of the situation dawned upon him, and he rejoiced in this new-found +life—real Bible salvation. He stretched out + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page267" name="page267"></a>[267]</span> + + his arms to me over a rocker +that stood between us and exclaimed as he embraced me, "O daughter, +I believe!" Before he could say anything more on account of his great +rejoicing, with a feeling of deep love and fellowship he reached one +hand to Brother B. on the couch and the other to Sister B. in a rocker +near the stove. Then he said, "Let us pray." As we knelt in real +thanksgiving and praise, he began to pour out his heart in gratitude +to God for salvation. Indeed, he was no longer bound by Satan but was +free—yes, a new creature in Christ Jesus. When we arose rejoicing, +even the unsaved members of the family felt the mighty power of God and +gathered around weeping as we rejoiced and praised the Lord for this +great victory. +</p> +<h3> +MY OWN STRUGGLES AND VICTORIES +</h3> +<p> +Now I wish to add just a few thoughts more in conclusion. All people do +not receive this glorious experience in just the same way, or always +manifest it as did my father. It was not my privilege at the time + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page268" name="page268"></a>[268]</span> + + of my +conversion to have the great flood of good feelings that he enjoyed; but +instead I let my faith waver, and shortly after being saved I became +seriously troubled with doubts and accusations. Just after my father had +been rejoicing so happily, the devil almost crushed me with the thought +that perhaps, after all, I had never been saved, as I had never realized +such an experience as he had realized. +</p> +<p> +Could it be possible, I thought, that even though I have been so burdened +for my father and have prayed so earnestly for him that I am not saved +and never have been? The very thought almost made me faint-hearted. +Then I remembered that the minister and others had confidence in me, +and I knew that my life was completely changed, as I had really lost +the desire for worldly pleasure, which I once so much enjoyed, and had +become interested in the things of God. In reading my Bible, I saw that +my life measured to its teachings so far as I understood. Therefore I +took courage and + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page269" name="page269"></a>[269]</span> + + tried to banish these accusations and leave my case with +God. +</p> +<p> +But the enemy did not forget me, and it seemed that I should be drawn +back into his whirlpool of doubts in spite of myself, more especially +as I listened to my father in the next few weeks telling others about +salvation. It was evident that he thought every one must obtain an +experience of salvation in the same manner that he obtained it. My case +was so different that finally I could suppress my feelings no longer, +and boldly confessed to him one day that my experience was not like his +and that if it ought to be I was not saved. Never shall I forget that +moment. It meant so much to me. I wondered if he would lose confidence +in my profession and if it was really true, and if it could possibly +be true, that I was yet unsaved. These serious questionings were soon +banished from my mind, for he looked at me and said, "Daughter, I know +you are saved. Your life has proved it." Thank God, he did not doubt it; +so I took + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page270" name="page270"></a>[270]</span> + + courage and with a mighty effort put the accuser to flight +again. +</p> +<p> +This experience was good for my father, as it had a tendency to balance +him so that he would not be too exacting with others. Since that time +other members of our family have sought God for the pardon of their +sins, and with some of them the new life came in a calm, peaceful way, +rather than with such emotional manifestations. The leadings of the Lord +are wonderful, and the riches of his grace in the Christian life are +inexhaustible. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page271" name="page271"></a>[271]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0025" id="h2H_4_0025"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + My Spiritual Struggles and Victories +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 21 +</p> +<p> +I was reared on one of the hilliest, stumpiest, and stoniest Canadian +farms I have ever seen. How vividly there come to my mind my boyhood +experiences of chopping cord-wood to pay my high-school expenses; of +stumping, logging, and picking stones until the skin was worn off my +fingers and the stones were stained with my blood. I then thought that +mine was a very hard life, but I have long since looked back to those +boyhood experiences as God's way of providing me with a physique that +has enabled me to serve three years as a missionary in British North +America, where the winds were intensely cold and where I was once for +twenty-four hours lost in a blizzard at forty-five degrees below zero. +In sharp contrast, I have been twenty-eight years in India's tropical +heat. This was a preparation for my life-work and in my judgment is +God's general method with all his people. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page272" name="page272"></a>[272]</span></p> + +<p> +When I was a boy of ten summers, a boyhood friend of my father's visited +him. They were taking a walk, and, unnoticed, I followed them. Then I +overheard my father's friend praise my brothers and sisters, but say of +me, "Frank will never amount to much." My father vigorously protested +and sang my praises until I made this resolution: "I must not disappoint +my father. I will do something worthy of consideration." That hour I was +intellectually awakened. +</p> +<p> +Parents, let your young people know that you believe in them. About the +same time our pastor preached a missionary sermon, at the end of which +he circulated a subscription. When the paper came to me, I said to my +father, "May I subscribe?" He replied, "If you earn and pay your own +money, you may." I subscribed one dollar. I had it earned long before +the collectors came around, and wished either that I had subscribed +more or that the collectors might come soon. That subscription was the +beginning which ended in my giving myself. Parents, give your children +a chance to link + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page273" name="page273"></a>[273]</span> + + themselves definitely with Jesus in saving a lost world. +</p> +<h3> +MY CONVERSION +</h3> +<p> +When I was a boy of about thirteen, my father said to me one evening at +the setting of the sun, "Water the stock." Soon some boys arrived, and, +being a real boy, I forgot my work and played. +</p> +<p> +A little later my father asked, "Have you done what I told you?" +</p> +<p> +"Yes, father," I replied. +</p> +<p> +He knew I had not, and I even now recall that he said not a word but +walked away in the twilight so burdened and bowed because of hearing a +falsehood from his own boy that it suddenly gave him the appearance of +an old man. The boys left, and I watered the stock. Then, boy like, I +forgot, went to bed and slept. During the next forenoon Mother called +me to her and said: +</p> +<p> +"Do you know your father neither went to bed nor slept all last night?" +</p> +<p> +I replied, "No, Mother, I do not know. Why didn't he sleep?" +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page274" name="page274"></a>[274]</span></p> + +<p> +Mother's answer was, "Your father spent all last night praying for you." +</p> +<p> +My saintly mother's words and tears went through my heart like an arrow +and rang like a bell in my ears, and I became powerfully convicted of +sin. Just following that a series of revival meetings were held which +continued for several weeks. I became a seeker and had no rest until +I found it in penitence and a consciousness of pardoned sin. I was the +only convert during the meetings, and critics said, "He will backslide +in a few weeks. The revival is a failure." But I am here to tell the +story that I am still saved by grace. +</p> +<p> +I could never reward my father for that night of prevailing prayer, but +he lived to see me become a minister, a missionary, and to hold the +highest position on the mission field, and then the Lord called him to +his eternal reward. My mother entered into rest about two years previous +to that time. +</p> +<p> +It is my hope and prayer that the story of my father's night of +prevailing prayer may encourage other parents to pray as he + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page275" name="page275"></a>[275]</span> + + did. Parents +may not always through prayer be able to break the wills of their +children and compel them to surrender to Jesus, but I do believe that +my father prayed until God sent such conviction through the Holy Spirit +that sin became such an unbearable burden that I gladly yielded my will +to the will of my God; prayed until my sins were pardoned, the burden +removed, and I was genuinely converted. I firmly believe that the same +heavenly Father will hear the cry of other parents, and for their +encouragement I leave this testimony concerning God's answer to my +father's fervent prayers. +</p> +<p> +After my conversion I rejoiced many days in the delight of that +precious experience. For months I had a real and precious joy in the +consciousness of pardoned sin, but after a time I found that I did not +have a continuous, abiding peace and rest. There was a longing for +something more than it seemed I now possessed. As a boy I tried very +hard to be good, and as I look back I believe that I lived a very +correct outward life. I lived among a very godly people, + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page276" name="page276"></a>[276]</span> + + who set a high +ideal before me, one to which I felt I could not live. I observed my +daily prayers, but suffered many an inward defeat. +</p> +<h3> +MY SPIRITUAL STRUGGLES +</h3> +<p> +I can not now recall that I ever heard a sermon on heart-purity or +victory over the power of sin. No person in the congregation where our +family attended meetings professed holiness, nor do I remember that the +experience was talked about. The people did speak of "having religion" +and "more religion." There were people in the congregation whom I still +believe lived holy lives, and the testimony of their lives convicted me, +for I knew that they had an abiding joy and peace in their religion that +I had not. I therefore became very much dissatisfied with my inner life +and was struggling all the time for an experience such as I knew others +enjoyed. +</p> +<p> +The weekly testimony of a man who attended our prayer-meetings was, +"I have just enough religion to make me miserable." + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page277" name="page277"></a>[277]</span> + + That is, he had too +much religion to get his pleasure out of the world and not enough to get +it out of his religion. I always felt that that man told the experience +I then had. For three years I endured that exceedingly unsatisfactory +religious experience. I then attended a revival and went forward for +prayer night after night, but no relief came to my poor burdened heart. +As my case became more desperate, I recalled the story of Jacob. He +prayed until the morning, and at the rising of the sun the angel +appeared and blessed him. I spent several nights in prayer, but found no +relief. +</p> +<h3> +GAINING THE VICTORY +</h3> +<p> +On Saturday morning about sunrise I was on a straw stack in the barnyard +with a long hay-knife cutting across the stack to loosen the straw to +feed the cattle. While thus working and in a despondent, meditative +mood, wondering what I could do, there seemed suddenly to float out +before me in the air in illuminated letters, "John three sixteen." I +began to read, "God so loved + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page278" name="page278"></a>[278]</span> + + the world." I reasoned then that God so +loved me that "he gave his only begotten Son." All was clear thus +far. Then I came to that all-inclusive word, "whosoever." I stopped at +"whosoever" and recalled the story I heard of Richard Baxter, who said, +"I would rather have the word 'whosoever' in John three sixteen than +have Richard Baxter, for then I should at once be tempted to believe +it was for some other Richard Baxter." +</p> +<p> +I reasoned, "I know that my name is in that 'whosoever.'" I then +read on—"believeth on him." "Do I believe on him?" This was the next +question to be settled. During several years I had, in competition for +a Sunday-school prize, recited the whole four Gospels. In thought I ran +over what the New Testament said about Jesus and cried out, "I believe +every word of the gospel; Lord, I do believe." +</p> +<p> +Then I read on—"should not perish." Quick as a flash I saw the weak +place in my faith. I had been believing on Jesus, but feeling that I +should perish. At that point + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page279" name="page279"></a>[279]</span> + + I sprang to my feet on the straw stack and +read it over again—"Should not perish, but have everlasting life." Then +I saw that through doubt I had treated the promise as though it read +"should perish and not have everlasting life." I cried out, "Lord, I +will reverse it no longer. I will believe it as it reads." +</p> +<p> +Then I seemed to have another inspiration. I had long been troubled +about understanding what it meant to believe. I had worked out a theory +that if I could for a moment forget everything else in the world and see +Jesus on the cross, that would be "exercising saving faith"; and when +praying, I would find myself trying to do that. I now asked myself this +question: "How do you believe your mother's promise?" The answer was +at once, "I believe because I believe in my mother, the promiser." The +next moment I realized that believing Mother's promises was not a mental +effort and struggle such as I had been going through for years, but a +mental rest. I just believed that her promise was true without any effort + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page280" name="page280"></a>[280]</span> + + whatever, not because I felt it, but because Mother made it. Then I +cried, "Jesus made this promise, and I believe it." +</p> +<p> +Then I waited and looked again into my heart for the feeling, but no +feeling came. I then saw clearly for the first time that I was trusting +partly in Jesus and partly to my feelings. Presently the Spirit showed +me that feeling never saves any one, that only Jesus saves. I remember +that, standing on the straw stack, I cried out, "O Jesus! I put my +all on thy promise, and I will leave all with thee." But alas! again +I waited for the feeling as a witness, and was sure it would come, but +it did not come. I was still trusting partly in Christ and partly to +feeling. At last I turned away from looking for feeling and cried aloud: +"My Jesus, I stake my all on John three sixteen. If I never have any +feeling and if I am lost, I will quote this promise before thee at the +judgment and say, 'I cast my little all upon it and trusted it, but it +failed me. It is not my fault; it is thine.'" +</p> +<p> +I had finally, after years of struggling, + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page281" name="page281"></a>[281]</span> + + come where I trusted wholly +"in the word of the Lord." Then suddenly I received a definite assurance +and great heart-warming peace and joy. At last the witness of the Spirit +was mine. Leaping from the straw stack, I ran to my mother, threw my +arms around her neck, and shouted, "Mother, I am fully saved! I am fully +saved!" +</p> +<p> +Up to that time I had not had any teaching concerning an experience +of sanctification or holiness and had heard no testimonies concerning +such an experience, except the testimony of the life of Christians who +were living it and professing it under another name. There was in the +congregation where I worshiped a sweet-faced, white-haired saint whom +we called Mother Robinson. She had prayed a drunkard husband into +the kingdom, and my memory even to this day recalls her high type of +Christian experience, and I want to bear my strongest possible testimony +to the power there is in the testimony of a pure, sweet, and kind life. +</p> +<p> +Now after years of study and hearing + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page282" name="page282"></a>[282]</span> + + the testimony of many, it is clear +to me that during those years as a boy I prayed myself through to the +abiding life and what I now believe to be the experience of Scriptural +holiness, which, as I understand it, is such a freedom from sin, +self-will, and selfishness, and such a passionate love for Jesus, +that the heart longs above all things for his approval, companionship, +guidance, and blessing, and that gratefully and joyfully gives Jesus +"in all things the preeminence." +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page283" name="page283"></a>[283]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0026" id="h2H_4_0026"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + Thought He Had Sinned Away His Day of Grace +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 22 +</p> +<p> +The enemy of souls has laid many plans and has many devices to +deceive people and harass their minds and thereby cause them to +bring unnecessarily heavy burdens upon themselves. One of his common +impositions is to make a person think that he has committed the +unpardonable sin and that all hope of ever obtaining favor with God +again is forever gone. When such persons are told that they are laboring +under a delusion, and that there is hope for them; that others have felt +the same way and formed the same conclusion, but afterwards learned +that it was only a deception of the enemy, and were able to renounce +the delusion and obtain a good experience and keep it, the answer in +most cases is, "My case is different." "Had I taken advantage of past +opportunities when I had a chance to do so, I might have been saved, +but now it is too late." +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page284" name="page284"></a>[284]</span></p> + +<p> +Time after time I have labored with those who were sure that their cases +were "different" from that of any one else, and that hope was beyond +their reach. The situation and feelings seemed so real that no amount +of reasoning or evidence to the contrary could change their minds until +they became submissive enough to submit themselves to the mercy of God +and accept advice and counsel and act upon it. Then they were very soon +liberated from the oppressions of the enemy and set free by the grace +of God. +</p> +<p> +One laboring under a deception frequently undergoes as deep suffering of +mind and soul as if the situation and conditions were real. A lady once +received what was supposed to be an authentic report that her son had +been killed in a railway wreck. Circumstances were such that she could +receive no communication from him, which apparently added evidence to +the truthfulness of the story. Her mother-heart was grief-stricken. In +the anguish of her bereavement she refused to be comforted. Later she +was told that there was a possibility of + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page285" name="page285"></a>[285]</span> + + his having escaped death, that +he was probably yet alive, and that evidence had been received to that +effect. No, her feelings were too real, her grief was too great, for +her to be deceived, she declared. One day her son arrived home sound +and well, and did not even know that there had been a train-wreck at the +place whence the report came. The mother then found that her sorrow and +grief had been groundless. She accepted the status of affairs, cast +aside the false report and her bad feelings, and was happy. +</p> +<p> +Not long ago I met an old acquaintance, a man above seventy years of +age, whom I had not seen for many years. At the time of our former +meeting he was enjoying the blessings of a Christian experience and +was happy in the service of the Lord. Through devotional neglect, and +perhaps for other reasons, he began to entertain doubts concerning his +spiritual experience, and he questioned whether or not he had any right, +under the circumstances, to lay claim to Christian fellowship with those +whom he knew to be spiritual. He knew of nothing + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page286" name="page286"></a>[286]</span> + + sinful that he had +done, and he needed not to waver in faith. But the tempter was there +to suggest that he had lost his experience and might just as well give +up the struggle. He then concluded that the brethren did not have +confidence in him, and therefore he dropped his profession. +</p> +<p> +His heart was still tender, and he did not feel disposed to indulge +in sin. In a short time he made "another start" to serve the Lord and +tried to repent; but, having so little to repent over, and finding it +difficult to have the same earnestness as before, he claimed the victory +"by faith," but was soon in "doubting castle" again. These up-and-down +experiences continued for many months, during which his spiritual realm +was more down than up. Discouragement laid hold upon him, despair +followed hard on his track, and the enemy whispered that it was of +no use to try any more. The way began to be more and more dreary. +Occasionally, however, he was seized with a feeling of desperation to +break loose from the state of lethargy into which he had fallen, + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page287" name="page287"></a>[287]</span> + + but +alas! his victories were of short duration. These experiences were +followed by the accusations of the enemy that he was possessed with +devils. Brethren who prayed with him declared that such was not the +case. +</p> +<p> +The darkest scriptures of judgment and everlasting destruction seemed to +have been written for him, and, as he viewed the matter, they exactly +fitted his case. He had doubted so often when it seemed the Lord was +offering a helping hand, that now it was too late; the last cord was +severed, the last ray of hope had vanished. It was no difficult matter +to believe that he had committed the unpardonable sin, and that God had +forever hid his face from him. He resigned himself to the hopelessness +of the situation, to meet his fate at the end of his life here upon +earth and spend eternity in the regions of the lost. He spent a number +of years in this condition. +</p> +<p> +At the time of our recent visit in a private home, I felt much concerned +about his deliverance from such a state and condition. + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page288" name="page288"></a>[288]</span> + + Upon my approaching +him on the subject, he immediately informed me that it was useless to +waste any of my efforts on him, for his was a hopeless case, as he +had sinned against the Holy Ghost. Having met similar cases before, I +assured him that there was hope for him, and told him that I could prove +by the Word of God and by his own testimony that he had not committed +the crime that would cause him to be forever lost, as he had supposed. +</p> +<p> +Taking my Bible, I turned to Heb. 10:29, which reads as follows: "Of how +much sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath +trodden under foot the Son of God, and hath counted the blood of the +covenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done +despite unto the Spirit of grace?" +</p> +<p> +"Have you trodden under foot the Son of God as herein mentioned?" he was +then asked. "No," he replied; "I have never doubted that there is a God +nor that Jesus Christ is his Son." +</p> +<p> +"Have you counted the 'blood of the + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page289" name="page289"></a>[289]</span> + + covenant an unholy thing,' that is, +that there is no more virtue in the blood of Jesus Christ than there is +in the blood of a cow or some other unholy thing?" +</p> +<p> +"No, sir. I have never denied the power of the blood of Jesus nor 'done +despite to the Spirit of grace,'" he replied. +</p> +<p> +"Then, according to the Bible and your own testimony, you have not +blasphemed against the Holy Ghost, nor, as you say, committed the +unpardonable sin by sinning against the Holy Ghost. You must forever +cease to entertain the idea that you have committed such a sin." +</p> +<p> +He reluctantly admitted the truth in regard to that point, but said, +"There is such a thing as a man's going too far, of trifling so with God +that the Spirit of God will no longer strive with him." It was clearly +pointed out to him that he had never reached such an experience and that +he should cast aside his doubts and fears and call upon God, and was +assured that the Lord would save him. He then declared that he had no +will of his own, no power to + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page290" name="page290"></a>[290]</span> + + exercise his will if he had any, and was +helpless. I told him that any one who could read human nature would at +once conclude that he was a man of strong will-power, and that no doubt +he frequently made others aware of that fact. His wife said, "That is +true; he knows very well how to exercise his will-power." +</p> +<p> +He was then told to assert his manhood and take a decided stand, to +which he replied: +</p> +<p> +"I have no manhood; I have no power to assert myself in any way." +</p> +<p> +"But," I replied, "you have been in this town for the past few days, and +have asserted your manhood during your entire visit by acting the part +of a perfect gentleman. What you need to do now is to kneel with us here +in prayer and yield yourself to God, and he will save you the same as he +has saved others who thought they were beyond the reach of mercy." +</p> +<p> +"But my case is different; my heart is hardened like stone; I can not +pray; I have no feeling." +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page291" name="page291"></a>[291]</span></p> + +<p> +"Almost every one in your condition thinks his case is different. If you +act according to the instructions given, you will soon be different. +Your heart will be changed. Do your part in making the effort, and the +Lord will help you to pray, and you will have all the feeling +necessary." +</p> +<p> +We knelt in prayer, laid our hands upon his head, and with a fervent +prayer rebuked the deceptive and binding power of Satan, and asked the +Lord to save him. He made an effort to pray, but his few words were soon +mingled with his sobs and feelings of deepest contrition. A few minutes +later he arose praising God for salvation. His doubts and fears had +vanished, and his burden was gone. He was once more a free man and had +no more fears of death and the judgment. The next day he returned home +with a joyful heart. I have frequently heard from him since that time, +and he has always sent a message concerning his victorious life. +</p> +<p> +There are many others who have been harassed by the enemy in like +manner; who have lost all hope of recovering their favor + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page292" name="page292"></a>[292]</span> + + with God; who +think that they are "different," "hard-hearted," "hopeless," "have +sinned away the day of grace," "are under the control of Satan," or in +some such like condition. Yet God in his love is extending mercy and +only waiting for them to discard their deceptive ideas and accept his +grace. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page293" name="page293"></a>[293]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0027" id="h2H_4_0027"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + Spiritual Tests +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 23 +</p> +<p> +It is not always concerning temporal things and business affairs and +such like that we are tested. But it is the business of the enemy of +souls to contest every step on the way to victory. He will contest our +salvation and, if possible, get a person to reason with him; and when +you reason with the devil, you find him a good reasoner, if you allow +him to follow his own line of thought. He will quote Scripture, and give +plausible illustrations and logical reasonings. But when he is met as +Christ met him, with a "Thus saith the Lord," "It is written," and then +told what is written and where it is written, and such like, he is not +very long in taking his departure. But just begin to reason, and he +will entangle you in argument until you find yourself badly perplexed, +unless, like the Master, you give him a sharp rebuke and command him to +take his departure. +</p> +<p> +Perhaps it would be a benefit to some one + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page294" name="page294"></a>[294]</span> + + for me to give a little of my +own personal experience in this respect. At the age of fifteen I was +converted, receiving a real change of heart. The enemy of my soul was +never able to deny that fact, neither did he undertake it. For about ten +years I lived to what light I had, and after that began to obtain more +light in regard to entering into a deeper experience of divine life, or +entire sanctification. I was away from home and had no one to teach me +the way of holiness, but the Lord began to instruct me in his Word, and +after a few months I was enabled to see just what the Lord required of +me in order to obtain the experience desired. +</p> +<p> +I had felt a hungering and thirsting for something more, for a deeper +experience. I had been taught, however, that this satisfying experience +could not be obtained until just before the time of death; but as +I read in the Word that without holiness no man should see the Lord +(Heb. 12:14), that we were to live in righteousness and holiness all +the days of our life (Luke 1:75), and + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page295" name="page295"></a>[295]</span> + + that Jesus in his last prayer +(John 17:17-20) prayed that we might have that experience, I began to +see very clearly what my privilege was. His Word told me, "As he is, so +are we in this world," and, "We ought to walk even as he walked"; and +this was a closer walk with God than I had been accustomed to enjoy. +</p> +<p> +It was not long until I reached the point where I made a full +consecration, and died the death to the world, and then, like the +apostles for whom Jesus prayed, I was in the world, but not of the +world, having had that worldly disposition taken out of my heart. When +I reached the point where I positively knew that everything was laid +upon the altar Christ Jesus, then I realized of a truth that the altar +sanctified the gift, and my heart was cleansed from all unrighteousness. +The Bible began to open up to me as a new book, and as I went about my +Master's business, doing his will as far as he made it known, I had many +rich experiences. Although, being of a very quiet disposition naturally, +I could not leap and shout + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page296" name="page296"></a>[296]</span> + + as some, yet it was my privilege to be filled +with all the fulness of God. +</p> +<p> +A few months later I was called by the Lord to accept a responsible +position in his work. For some months everything went so smoothly that +I had perfect victory all the way along and nothing that I could call a +severe trial or battle, because my eyes were stayed upon the Lord. But +there came a time for advancing further against the enemy, and the Lord +saw it was necessary for me to know more about a perfect faith and trust +in him in order to deal with other souls. So he permitted me to be +tested, to fit me for the work he had for me to do. +</p> +<p> +Although my soul had been abounding in the riches of his glory for these +months as I was busily engaged in my work, one day a suggestion was made +to me by a silent voice that I had not had any overflowing blessings for +a few days. This did not disturb me, for I felt at perfect peace with +God. But soon the same suggestion was presented again and again. Finally +the silent voice or impression came on this wise: "Now you + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page297" name="page297"></a>[297]</span> + + have been +in this condition almost a week." I felt that my soul during that time +had been at peace with God, and I was trusting my case in his hands. +I began, however, to search my consecration, as the accuser suggested +that there must surely be something wrong. +</p> +<p> +I began to search my heart, and said, "If there is anything wrong, Lord, +I will make it all right," and I asked the Lord to search me. Feeling +that all was fully in the hands of the Lord, I was about to dismiss the +matter from my mind; but this suggestion came: "If you were sanctified, +you would not have a lack of that great joy." Then I said, "Lord, if +I am not sanctified, I am willing to get sanctified." So I began to +reconsecrate myself to the Lord, and presently I realized that I was +fully consecrated to God. Again I was ready to dismiss the matter, but +the voice said, "When a person falls from sanctification, he loses his +justification also, because he must commit sin in order to fall." Yes, +I realized that was so, and then came the words, "You are not saved." +I saw at + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page298" name="page298"></a>[298]</span> + + once that it was the enemy, instead of the Lord, talking to me, +and like a flash from heaven I rebuked him. I said, "I know I am saved +through the grace of God; yes, and sanctified, too." And I boldly +declared it, whereupon the enemy took his departure. He saw that he was +the one defeated, instead of me. +</p> +<p> +The enemy had thought that because I was young in the Lord's work I was +unable to know his devices. But the Lord was a match for him, and lifted +up a standard against him, instead of allowing me to be defeated and +overthrown. The Lord knew just how far to permit me to be tried and +tempted. This experience has been a source of much help to me since that +time; not only for myself, but in dealing with others. The devil is sure +to overstep the mark, and we can have the victory over him as long as we +keep our eyes stayed upon the Lord. And we can say like Paul, "I can do +all things through Christ, which strengtheneth me." +</p> +<p> +There are some who worry and fret and have an abundance of trouble when +it is + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page299" name="page299"></a>[299]</span> + + their own fault; and if they would put forth as great an effort +to gain a victory and keep it as they do to pet their troubles, there +would be a wonderful change and the enemy of souls would be defeated. +</p> +<p> +A few years ago I met a brother who was weighted down with trouble and +sorrows much more than with the glory of God, and was much of the time +mourning over his trials and temptations, until his lot did really +seem to be a sad one. During my Christian experience I had been having +sweeping victory over the powers of the enemy, even through the severe +trials and temptations, because I had kept my eyes upon the Lord, and +had looked for victories instead of trials. In considering the case of +the brother, although I was young in the gospel work, I concluded that +if people were in such a condition it was their own fault, and that I +could feel as bad as any one if I desired. So I concluded to experiment, +but first asked the Lord not to permit me to fall into the hands of the +devil. +</p> +<p> +Accordingly, though I had nothing whatever + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page300" name="page300"></a>[300]</span> + + to feel bad about, I threw +myself on a couch and began to sigh and try to feel bad over something. +It was but a few minutes until I really did begin to feel miserable. +Some one came and desired to know if I was in trouble, but I turned away +and would not answer. In a short time I was feeling miserable enough to +weep and moan, and even bewail my condition. I then went to my room, +fastened the door, and began to call mightily upon God for deliverance +from such a condition. I had to put forth no little effort and take God +at his word and gain the victory over the powers of Satan. I there +learned the lesson that any one can feel bad and have a sorrowful time +whether or not he really has anything to feel bad about; but I never +desired to repeat the experiment. I have also found that God has power +not only to deliver from such a condition, but to keep the soul filled +with glory even through the severest testings. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page301" name="page301"></a>[301]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0028" id="h2H_4_0028"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + The Confession of a Murderer +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 24 +</p> +<p> +While traveling in evangelistic and missionary work a few years ago +another minister and I met with a congregation in a Western city. When +I entered the place of worship, my eyes fell upon a woman sitting near +the altar. She was an object of pity because of her affliction, which +was of a very peculiar nature and noticeable at a glance. Although she +was a stranger to me and began uttering such expressions as "Praise the +Lord!" and "Halleluiah!" yet I felt that I discerned a false spirit +and was strongly impressed that she was possessed with a murderous and +deceptive spirit. At the close of the service we were asked to pray for +her healing. It was evident that she received no help, and although she +made a loud profession of religion, my conviction was deepened that my +former impressions were correct, and furthermore that she was guilty of +murdering an unborn child. +</p> +<p> +After the next service this woman and + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page302" name="page302"></a>[302]</span> + + her husband invited me to their +home. I went with a prayer that God would send conviction upon them and +save them from their deception and lost condition. After spending some +time in social conversation, I began to talk with them about their +spiritual condition. At first there was some resentment; for the enemy +of souls had made them believe that it was no great crime, in fact, no +crime at all; that she was really justified in committing the deed; +that as no one else knew of it and was not likely to know, she could +cover her sin and go on with a profession as a Christian and receive the +fellowship of other Christian people. She was kindly told that she had +a false spirit, one foreign to the Spirit of God. +</p> +<p> +She broke down and, with tears streaming down her cheeks, confessed that +she had destroyed her unborn child, and said that the affliction soon +fastened upon her as leprosy did upon Miriam. Not until the time of our +visit did she fully realize the heinousness of her sin nor feel the +weight of her guilt. By justifying herself in the + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page303" name="page303"></a>[303]</span> + + act and professing +religion without repentance, she had opened the door of her heart to +deception. +</p> +<p> +But now as she became awakened to her real condition, the enemy +whispered, as he has done to many others under similar circumstances: +"It is too late now; there is no hope; for 'they which do such things +shall not inherit the kingdom of God'" (Gal. 5:21). She was told that +those who do such things and cover their sins or continue to do them +without forsaking them and without repenting are the ones who will +not inherit the kingdom of God. "He that covereth his sins shall not +prosper; but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy" +(Prov. 28:13). +</p> +<p> +Prayer was offered in her behalf, the evil spirits were rebuked, and +she realized a gleam of hope for her deliverance, not only from the +deception into which she had fallen, but also from her sin. She began +to realize that God was ready to forgive her and set her burdened, +repentant heart free, + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page304" name="page304"></a>[304]</span> + + and accept her as his child. Oh, how unworthy +she felt! +</p> +<p> +Now came the question, "Must I confess this deed to the church, to my +neighbors, and to the world?" "No, the sin you committed was against +yourself and against God," I answered, "and it will do the church and +the world no good to know of it. In fact, a knowledge of it might be +an injury to some weaker ones. You have confessed it to God and he has +forgiven you, and as no one else is injured, there is no one else to +whom it need be confessed." +</p> +<p> +When she had been made free from her guilt by the grace of God, she +could then come to him with faith for the healing of her body, and she +was delivered from her affliction. +</p> +<p> +Another case was that of a gambler in one of the Western States who had +often been warned against the evils of gambling, but who would not heed +the admonitions of friends. He continued his life of folly until the +time came when, in the midst of his revelry, a contention arose between +him and + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page305" name="page305"></a>[305]</span> + + a fellow gambler. The provocation was so great that both drew +deadly weapons, and to save his own life and at the same time to wreak +vengeance upon the other man, he fired the fatal shot, and his +antagonist fell dead at his feet. +</p> +<p> +Immediately sorrow filled his heart because he had shed human blood, +thus making himself a murderer. In a short time he was behind +prison-bars to await trial, and the following message was flashed over +the wires to his brother: "I am in trouble; killed a man today; come." +Brothers, parents, and friends came with their sympathy and tears, money +and influence. Court after court convened, and from year to year the +case was continued or sentence was rendered and suspended. For a long +time he was under sentence of death. Money and influence prolonged the +case, and the indications were that it might be deferred many more years +if sufficient money was available. +</p> +<p> +It was while in that dungeon awaiting the fulfilment of the +death-sentence that he felt + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page306" name="page306"></a>[306]</span> + + the wooings of the Spirit of the Lord. He +read the New Testament and wrote to us to pray for him. He finally +confessed his sins to the Lord and found peace to his soul. He then +began to appropriate the promises to his own case for deliverance from +prison. God honored his faith and the faith of His servants who were +offering earnest prayers that he might be delivered. Contrary to the +advice of relatives and friends, he dismissed all legal counsel and +decided to place his case entirely in the hands of the God of heaven, +who delivered Daniel out of the lions' den and Peter out of prison. In +a short time his faith was rewarded by a message being flashed over the +wires for the authorities to open the prison-doors and let him go free. +Since then he has spent much time visiting prisoners and encouraging +them to put their trust in the Lord, who is mighty to save. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page307" name="page307"></a>[307]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0029" id="h2H_4_0029"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + Making a Complete Surrender +</h2> +<p class="center"> + EXPERIENCE NUMBER 25 +</p> +<p> +From the time of my conversion in early life I longed to be useful in +helping others to find the way of salvation. But my inability and lack +of talent was an apparent barrier, and caused me to almost despair of +ever being able to accomplish the desire of my heart. +</p> +<p> +Though I felt that I was a Christian, yet I had a longing in my soul for +a closer walk with God. There were times when I had spiritual struggles +within and without, and I did not know how to be an "overcomer," as +mentioned in the Bible. +</p> +<p> +A few years later, while living in Ohio, I was awakened to the fact +that the Lord had promised the gift of the Holy Spirit to his believing +children and that it was my privilege to obtain that experience wherein +I could enjoy that "great grace" which was upon them all who were +assembled at one place after Pentecost. My heart yearned for the +experience that the people of those + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page308" name="page308"></a>[308]</span> + + apostolic days enjoyed; and as I +read about how willing the Lord was to "give the Holy Ghost to them that +believe," and read that we were promised the "Comforter," who would +abide in our hearts, I decided to have the experience. +</p> +<p> +My religious instructors gave me no encouragement; for they had not +attained to such an experience themselves and did not think it +attainable in this life. But undaunted, and determined to have relief +for my burdened soul, I sought the Lord earnestly to reveal to me the +secret of obtaining that abundant grace which I was convinced was within +my reach if I could only learn how to obtain it. +</p> +<p> +The time came when my prayers were answered, and I was enabled to make +a complete consecration to the will of God. But before reaching that +point, I many times fell upon my knees or prostrated myself before the +Lord in earnest supplication for that grace. In the meantime I met +others who had received it, and I realized more than ever that what they +possessed was just + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page309" name="page309"></a>[309]</span> + + the thing for which I had been seeking. There were +yet two points that seemed to hinder me in my final efforts. My desire +was to have such an outpouring of the Spirit as would cause me to leap +and shout the same as some others did when they received the Holy +Spirit. The second was that there was one thing which I had not fully +yielded to the will of God. Regarding that thing I made a conditional +surrender—that if God would give me the experience and then show me +that I held a wrong attitude, I would then yield the point. I thought +the Lord ought to accept my consecration and give me the experience I +had so long sought. But he would not do so. +</p> +<p> +I began to submit myself to the Lord more fully, and he more clearly +opened my understanding to his Word and more definitely shed rays of +light upon my pathway concerning the point in question; then came the +words of Jesus, "Walk in the light while ye have the light, lest ye go +into darkness." My duty was now as clear to me as the morning sun. There +was no rebellion in my + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page310" name="page310"></a>[310]</span> + + heart, the surrender was complete, and I could +with confidence say that my consecration reached the will of God on +every point, regarding all the things I could call to my mind and also +everything that might present itself in the future. There was no doubt +concerning my having made what we sometimes call a Bible consecration. +</p> +<p> +Then I realized that I had a right to claim the promise and receive +its fulfilment. As I did so, laying claim to the promise as mine and +declaring the work was done because the Word of God said so, that +whatever touched the altar was made holy, I knew that by faith I had +touched the altar, Jesus Christ, and was made holy. I had become willing +to receive the blessing in any way that the Lord saw fit to bestow it. +Just at the time that I claimed the blessing as mine, quietness reigned. +It did not cause me to leap and shout as I had been expecting, but in +a quiet manner the Holy Spirit witnessed the work wrought in my soul. +I learned that the grace and glory or spiritual power that one possesses +is not dependent upon outward + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page311" name="page311"></a>[311]</span> + + demonstrations of the body. While one may +leap and shout, another person of a different temperament may remain +quiet and yet be drinking just as deeply from the fountain of life. +</p> +<p> +Although many years have passed, yet I have never once doubted the work +wrought in my soul at that time. Amidst the deepest trials of life, +sorrow, sickness, and adversity, I have found a sweet solace by trusting +all away with Him who understands our every need. +</p> +<p> +Dark days and shadows of life may come, trials and temptations may +present themselves on every hand, the soul may be weighted down with +burdens that are heavy to bear, and accusations of the enemy and hours +of severe testing may come like a flood; yet for the trusting soul the +Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against the enemy and lead +onward to victory. To me the Lord has been "a very present help in +trouble" and a friend in time of need. +</p> +<p> +When I see others struggling along and yearning for that experience +wherein their + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page312" name="page312"></a>[312]</span> + + souls can be satisfied, my wishes are that they make an +unconditional surrender, know without a doubt that their consecration is +complete and that they are in all points consecrated to the will of God. +It is then that the promise can be claimed and the fulfilment realized. +</p> +<p> +The greatest sinner on the face of the earth can find pardon through +the atonement of Jesus Christ by forsaking his sins, confessing them to +the Lord, and believing on him for deliverance. In like manner every +believer can be filled with the Holy Spirit and abound in the riches of +the grace of God. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page313" name="page313"></a>[313]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0030" id="h2H_4_0030"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + Interesting Narratives and Helpful Instruction +</h2> +<p> +Success and happiness in the Christian life do not always depend upon +favorable surroundings; under the most adverse and trying circumstances +men and women have made the greatest strides in spiritual advancement +and power. There may be occasional sorrows and suffering along the way, +but shall these things cast a gloom over our lives, even though at times +they be prolonged and severe? By no means should we allow opposition, +persecution, sorrow, suffering, mistakes, blunders, failures, and such +like to cause defeat and a giving way to discouragement. The discouraged +person is "no good," no matter where you find him. We must rise in the +midst of our trials and in the name and strength of the Lord shake off +discouragements. +</p> +<p> +Trials will come, but what of it? Others have had just as severe trials, +and have surmounted them, and you and I can do the same. There will be +times when oppressions + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page314" name="page314"></a>[314]</span> + + will be felt that seem grievous to bear; when even +the humble followers of Christ will feel that the lines of communication +between them and the Lord have been severed; when prayers will seem to +fall to the earth and the heavens seem as brass, and the burdened soul +will cry out for help when there seems to be no help. At such times +there needs to be a patient waiting upon the Lord, heart-searching, and +humble submission to his will. Under such circumstances it is well to +heed the advice of the Psalmist: "Wait patiently upon the Lord, and he +shall bring it to pass." Then is the time to trust and not be afraid. +</p> +<p> +It was at such a time that Jesus felt that his burden was more than he +could bear and asked that, if possible, the cup of suffering be removed, +that he might not have to pass through the severe ordeal that was facing +him. His humanity weakened and shuddered at the approach of the greatest +trial of his life. But he humbly submitted and said, "Father, not my +will, but thy will, be done." It was then that angels came and + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page315" name="page315"></a>[315]</span> + + ministered +unto him; the gates of glory were thrown open, the burden was gone, and +he could go forth as a captive set free. +</p> +<p> +As he left that place of prayer, that place of victory, it was to +face the foe in the hottest of the fight. Although he was upheld by +the unseen presence of the Father and strengthened by the angels, +nevertheless in the darkest hour of the conflict he cried out, "My God, +my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" But even in this final test he said, +"Father, into thy hands I commend my Spirit." This was followed by the +unprecedented glories of the resurrection. What a wonderful lesson to +us of submission and trust! +</p> +<h3> +FAILED TO FORGIVE THOSE WHO HAD WRONGED HIM +</h3> +<p> +An unforgiving disposition will hinder one from being humble or from +reaching the necessary point of submission. When Stephen was being +stoned by his persecutors, his dying prayer was, "Lord, lay not this sin +to their charge." One Sunday when + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page316" name="page316"></a>[316]</span> + + I was conducting an inquiry-service +in a State prison, after I had commented on these words of Jesus, "If ye +forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your +trespasses," a prisoner arose and said, "For years I have sought the +Lord, but never before have I known what hindered me from obtaining +peace to my soul. But now I see it is because I have held a grudge +against those who have wronged me. I forgive them." Peace came into his +soul as he yielded this point. +</p> +<h3> +DESPONDENCY AND DISCOURAGEMENT +</h3> +<p> +Instead of counting your trials and indulging in dark forebodings, throw +away such feelings by counting your past blessings if you can think of +no present blessings. When Paul and Silas were in prison with their feet +fastened in the stocks, the pain in their lacerated backs no doubt often +reminded them of the cruel treatment they had received at the hands of +their enemies; but they looked away from their trials, and, "counting +all things joy," at the midnight + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page317" name="page317"></a>[317]</span> + + hour they were rejoicing, singing songs, +and praising God. The result was marvelous. Had they set themselves to +complaining, they would have spent a miserable night. +</p> +<p> +A sister was once just at the point of throwing down her shield of faith +and ceasing her efforts in serving the Lord, because of some difficulty +which had arisen between her husband and one of the brethren, and in +which in a sense she also was involved. She had always entertained +implicit confidence in the brother, but now said she could never have +confidence in him again. Had it been some worldly person, she could +have overlooked the matter, but to have one of the brethren make such +statements was more than she could endure. However, she relented, and +before she could gain the necessary victory, she had to make a decision +to stand true to God regardless of the source of the trial. +</p> +<p> +At this point is where many fail, not because the trial is greater than +some other through which they have passed, but because + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page318" name="page318"></a>[318]</span> + + it comes from an +entirely unexpected source. +</p> +<h3> +UNNECESSARY SELF-ACCUSATIONS +</h3> +<p> +A woman and her husband who were ministers were once drawn into a +difficulty with others and had to call for aid in making an adjustment. +When the time came for a consideration of the matter, she humbly and +nobly did her part, to the satisfaction of all concerned. Although there +was nothing demoralizing about the case, yet she felt very humiliated to +think that she, a minister, should have thus become involved in such a +contention, and thought that the brother who was called to help in the +adjustment would never have confidence in her again. For four years she +worried over the matter, often losing sleep at night, and felt herself +gradually weakening in spirituality and courage. +</p> +<p> +One day she met the brother, and he expressed himself as having had +implicit confidence in her during the entire period of the four years. +Immediately she took courage, + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page319" name="page319"></a>[319]</span> + + but she had needlessly undergone untold +sufferings through accusations that were all imaginary. Worrying does no +one any good. It is useless to worry before a thing happens, much less +after it happens. Most people worry over imaginary things, over things +that never have nor never will come to pass. +</p> +<p> +A sister who had lived a godly life and had prayed for her family +for years, became much troubled because none of them would become +Christians. She began to accuse herself of not being right in the sight +of God, but she was reminded that even Jesus himself, although he was +the Son of God, was not able to have all his kinsmen and townsmen to +follow him. She then learned to leave the responsibility with her family +and the Lord after she had done all she could, realizing that her soul +was clear. +</p> +<h3> +TROUBLED ABOUT MAKING CONFESSIONS +</h3> +<p> +One woman was troubled over her past life, feeling that she should make +a public confession, which would endanger the lives + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page320" name="page320"></a>[320]</span> + + of others. She said +it seemed that God was far away from her. Upon investigation it was +learned that her trouble was of such a nature that it would do her or +nobody else any good to make such a confession, but was a matter that +could be settled only between herself and God. Not until she learned +this could she have peace of mind and reach the place where she could +find deliverance. +</p> +<p> +An actress was married to a respectable young man in Ohio. Their home +was an ideal one in the country. Three children graced their domestic +circle, and there was apparently nothing to mar the happiness of their +Christian home. One day the wife and eldest daughter went to visit the +pastor who had for years been their spiritual advisor. He expressed +his congratulations to her for her attainments in life, pleasant +surroundings, and the extraordinary abilities of her children. +</p> +<p> +Just before leaving the house of the pastor, she requested a private +interview with him. When alone with him she said: "Judging from outward +appearances, you have + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page321" name="page321"></a>[321]</span> + + believed me to be a very happy woman. But for +many years my heart has been sad, and I have constantly carried a heavy +burden. Sometimes it seemed to be more than I could bear. Before my +marriage I was allured into sin of a disgraceful nature, but my husband +believed me to have always maintained an irreproachable character, and +I have never told him otherwise. Since our marriage I have always been +true to him. Many times during these years I have been just at the point +of unburdening my heart by revealing to him this secret and placing +myself at his mercy; but somehow I have always been checked or prevented +from doing so. I have carried the heavy burden until I can carry it no +longer. Please tell me what to do." +</p> +<p> +The wise old pastor, with deep feelings of compassion, said: "Good +woman, you have carried an unnecessary burden all these years. Your +husband knew nothing of your sin; it will do him no good to know of +it now, but, on the other hand, a knowledge + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page322" name="page322"></a>[322]</span> + + of it might bring an +unnecessary burden upon him, and cause his implicit confidence to give +place to suspicion. Why should you thus bring feelings of reproach upon +yourself and family? They are a thousand times better off without a +knowledge of it. Go bury it in oblivion; cast it from your mind forever. +God has forgiven you long ago. Such matters are to be settled between +you and him alone; go and sin no more." She obeyed and went forth a +happy woman. Her burden was gone. +</p> +<p> +If all spiritual advisors were as wise as this pastor in giving +instruction to those in need of help, much suffering would be averted. +There are thousands of people today carrying heavy burdens that God +has not placed upon them, but has long ago forgiven because of their +repentance. Such persons have allowed the enemy of their souls to +unnecessarily burden them with accusations and false impressions. +These they should have cast aside, declaring their freedom in the name +of Jesus. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page323" name="page323"></a>[323]</span></p> + +<h3> +ACCUSED GOD OF NOT BEING JUST +</h3> +<p> +There are others who accuse God of not being just, or blame him for +not answering their prayers, when the fact is, their lives have not +been such as would give them an assurance that God would answer their +prayers. A young sister who had for some time been drifting into +worldliness was called to the bedside of her dying father. She was much +concerned about him and asked a special favor of the Lord concerning +him, and because her request was not granted in just the manner +requested, she permitted her mind to be filled with doubts and +infidelity. She blamed God for not answering, and then she began to have +struggles with hardness of heart, which she had never known before. This +caused her to become alarmed, and she sought the counsel of a minister. +He cited her to 1 John 3:22—"And whatsoever we ask we receive of him, +because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing +in his sight." She acknowledged that she had not + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page324" name="page324"></a>[324]</span> + + been living right, and +therefore had no right to blame God for not answering her prayers. +</p> +<h3> +WHEN THE TEMPTER COMES OFTENEST +</h3> +<p> +The tempter comes oftenest where the temptation has not been completely +put away and where there is lack of decision against it. Many people +are like the drunkard. He desires to cease drinking, but says, "Just +one more drink; then I am done." When that has been taken he says, +"One more, only one; then I am forever done with strong drink." Such +a determination will never loose him from the binding fetters. +</p> +<p> +The one who is bound by an evil habit or has yielded to the fascinations +of an alluring spirit must make a positive, definite decision, in every +way possible turn from the temptation, and call upon God for help with a +faith that will not waver; then deliverance is sure to come, and grace +to be an overcomer. +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page325" name="page325"></a>[325]</span></p> + +<h3> +TRIALS MADE STEPPING-STONES TO GREATER VICTORIES +</h3> +<p> +The beautiful roses are protected by thorns, many of which are hidden +away beneath the presentation of beauty. Roses are not often plucked +without the one who would enjoy their fragrance realizing a pain by +being pricked in an attempt to secure the sweet-scented flower as his +own. Just why the thorns are there we do not know. Many a young recruit +looks with admiration upon the veteran skill of the soldier who has been +through fierce battles and has come forth as a hero. But his fame was +not obtained without hardships and wounds, as the scars which he carries +give testimony. About us on every side are veterans of the cross of +Christ, those whose lives we admire, whose experiences we covet, but +back of them no doubt are the pricking thorns in the form of trials, +which have proved to be stepping-stones to the beautiful life of faith +and devotion and which have graced their spiritual pathway. The roses +are none the less + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page326" name="page326"></a>[326]</span> + + fragrant and beautiful because of the hidden thorns +beneath them. Neither is the life of a Christian less brilliant and +radiant because of the trials and temptations along the way. +</p> +<p> +The enjoyment of a Christian life is what we make it. The darkest, +saddest life ever known, the most dejected person in existence, the one +who is surrounded constantly by infamy, blasphemy, and dark forebodings, +or that one whose life has been a failure and who through adversity is +doomed to spend his days behind prison-walls, can find a haven of rest +in this life and in the life to come. It is through the grace of God +that such can be accomplished. +</p> +<p> +No matter what your sin is or has been, you can have deliverance and +peace that the world can not understand. A firm decision and trust in +God will take you through by his grace. When trials come, tell the Lord +about them, "casting all your cares upon him, for he careth for you." +Oh the riches of his grace, the power of his love! There is an abundance +in the great storehouse + +<span class="pagenum"><a id="page327" name="page327"></a>[327]</span> + + of our heavenly Father subject to our petitions, +and he offers his heavenly riches freely and his blessings to be poured +out without measure. +</p> +<p> +"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that +we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto him be +glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without +end" (Eph. 3:20, 21). "Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of +grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need" +(Heb. 4:16). +</p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page328" name="page328"></a>[328]</span></p> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<p><!--[Blank Page]--></p> + +<p><span class="pagenum"><a id="page329" name="page329"></a>[329]</span></p> + +<a name="h2H_4_0031" id="h2H_4_0031"><!-- H2 anchor --></a> + +<div style="height: 4em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + +<h2> + Zion's Bank +</h2> + +<p> +The following quaint verses are supposed to have been written by Roland +Hill at a time when public credit in Great Britain was shaken by the +failure of several banks. +</p> + +<div class="poem"> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> I have a never-failing bank, </p> +<p class="i4"> A more than golden store; </p> +<p class="i2"> No earthly bank is half so rich; </p> +<p class="i4"> How, then, can I be poor? </p> +</div> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> 'Tis when my stock is spent and gone </p> +<p class="i4"> And I without a groat, </p> +<p class="i2"> I'm glad to hasten to my bank </p> +<p class="i4"> And beg a little note. </p> +</div> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> Sometimes my Banker, smiling, says: </p> +<p class="i4"> "Why don't you oftener come? </p> +<p class="i2"> And when you draw a little note, </p> +<p class="i4"> Why not a larger sum? </p> +</div> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> "Why live so niggardly and poor? </p> +<p class="i4"> Your bank contains a plenty. </p> +<p class="i2"> Why come and take a one-pound note, </p> +<p class="i4"> When you might have a twenty? </p> +</div> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> "Yea, twenty thousand ten times told </p> +<p class="i4"> Is but a trifling sum </p> +<p class="i2"> To what your Father has laid up </p> +<p class="i4"> Secure in Christ, his Son." </p> +</div> + +<p><span class="pagenum" style="display:none;"> +<a id="page330" name="page330"></a>[330]</span></p> + +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> Since, then, my Banker is so rich, </p> +<p class="i4"> I have no cause to borrow; </p> +<p class="i2"> I'll live upon my cash today, </p> +<p class="i4"> And draw again tomorrow. </p> +</div> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> I've been a thousand times before, </p> +<p class="i4"> And never was rejected; </p> +<p class="i2"> Sometimes my Banker gives me more </p> +<p class="i4"> Than asked for or expected. </p> +</div> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> Sometimes I've felt a little proud </p> +<p class="i4"> I've managed things so clever; </p> +<p class="i2"> But ah! before the day is gone </p> +<p class="i4"> I've felt as poor as ever. </p> +</div> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> Should all the banks in Britain break, </p> +<p class="i4"> And that of England smash, </p> +<p class="i2"> Bring in your notes to Zion's bank; </p> +<p class="i4"> You'll surely have your cash. </p> +</div> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> And if you have but one small note, </p> +<p class="i4"> Fear not to bring it in; </p> +<p class="i2"> Come boldly to the bank of Grace; </p> +<p class="i4"> The Banker is within. </p> +</div> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> All forged notes will be refused; </p> +<p class="i4"> Man-merits are rejected; </p> +<p class="i2"> There not a single note will pass </p> +<p class="i4"> That God has not accepted. </p> +</div> + +<p><span class="pagenum" style="display:none;"> +<a id="page331" name="page331"></a>[331]</span></p> + +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> This bank is full of precious notes, </p> +<p class="i4"> All signed and sealed and free, </p> +<p class="i2"> Though many a doubting soul may say, </p> +<p class="i4"> "There is not one for me." </p> +</div> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> The leper had a little note— </p> +<p class="i4"> "Lord, if you will you can"; </p> +<p class="i2"> The Banker cashed this little note, </p> +<p class="i4"> And healed the sickly man. </p> +</div> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> We read of one young man, indeed, </p> +<p class="i4"> Whose riches did abound; </p> +<p class="i2"> But in this Banker's book of grace </p> +<p class="i4"> This man was never found. </p> +</div> +<div class="stanza"> +<p class="i2"> But see the wretched dying thief </p> +<p class="i4"> Hang by the Banker's side; </p> +<p class="i2"> He cried, "Dear Lord, remember me"; </p> +<p class="i4"> He got his cash and died. </p> +</div> +</div> + +<div style="height: 6em;"><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /></div> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Riches of Grace, by E. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Riches of Grace + A Compilation of Experiences in the Christian Life + +Author: E. E. Byrum + +Release Date: June 20, 2011 [EBook #36476] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK RICHES OF GRACE *** + + + + +Produced by David Garcia, Joel Erickson and the Online +Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + +CHRISTIAN LIFE SERIES + + + + + + +Riches of Grace + + A Compilation of Experiences in the Christian Life--A Narration + of Trials and Victories Along the Way + + +BY E. E. BYRUM + + * * * * * + + By grace are ye saved through faith.--Eph 2:8. + + + Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may + obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.--Heb. 4:16. + + * * * * * + + GOSPEL TRUMPET COMPANY + Anderson, Indiana, U. S. A. + + + Copyright, 1918 + BY + E. E. Byrum + + + Riches of Grace (Cloth) $1.00 + + OTHER BOOKS BY THE SAME AUTHOR + + Startling Incidents and Experiences in the Christian Life (Cloth) $1.00 + The Ordinances of the Bible (Cloth) .40 + How We Got Our Bible (Paper) .10 + What Shall I Do To Be Saved? (Cloth) .35 + The Secret of Salvation: How to Get It and How to Keep It (Cloth) .60 + + + + +CONTENTS + + + Page + + 1. The Joy and Blessings of a Christian Life 13 + 2. Experience of a Minister 21 + 3. The Testimony of a Prisoner 55 + 4. A Little Chinese Girl 59 + 5. Persecutions and Victories of an Evangelist 69 + 6. The Secret of a Perfect Life 89 + 7. Conversion of a Young Jewish Rabbi 99 + 8. Among Mohammedans in Egypt 129 + 9. A Daughter's Faith Rewarded 141 + 10. Missionary Experiences in British West Indies 145 + 11. The Rescue of an Australian Lad 155 + 12. Heathen Customs in China 159 + 13. Deliverance from Discouragements and Extremism 167 + 14. Liberated from Faultfinding 199 + 15. Help from God in Fiery Trials 205 + 16. Experience of a School-Teacher in India 235 + 17. Unconquered Will Won by Love 237 + 18. An Experience of a Hundred Years Ago 245 + 19. An Indian Mother's Submission 253 + 20. The Conversion of My Father 257 + 21. My Spiritual Struggles and Victories 271 + 22. Thought He had Sinned away His Day of Grace 283 + 23. Spiritual Tests 293 + 24. The Confession of a Murderer 301 + 25. Making a Complete Surrender 307 + 26. Interesting Narratives and Helpful Instruction 313 + _a._ Failed to Forgive Those Who Wronged Him 315 + _b._ Despondency and Discouragement 316 + _c._ Unnecessary Self-Accusations 318 + _d._ Troubled about Making Confessions 319 + _e._ Accused God of Not Being Just 323 + _f._ When the Tempter Comes Oftenest 324 + _g._ Trials Made Stepping-Stones to Greater Victories 325 + 27. Zion's Bank (A Poem) 331 + + + + +Author's Preface + + +To be right with God and to have a constant knowledge of his approval is +the desire of every Christian. Many people deep in sin and others honest +at heart have a longing to live a righteous life, but they have always +found obstacles in their pathway and have been defeated in every +attempt. + +In the preparation of this volume the author has aimed to refer to such +obstacles and hindrances in the lives of others, so that any one passing +through a trial or laboring under a heavy burden or oppression may, by +reading these narratives, learn how to find relief. + +A lady who was victor over many trials and impositions of the enemy, and +who knew that I had been passing through some severe ordeals, said to +me: "It does me good, and is a source of great encouragement, even to +know that you and others who are supposed to be strong in faith have +trials and severe testings occasionally." It is hoped that the trials +and the victories mentioned herein will be not only a source of +encouragement to others but such an inspiration to their faith that they +will be enabled to understand and do the will of God. + +This book is a compilation of experiences from people in various parts +of the world who have written by special request of the author. The fact +that they were written by people in China, India, Australia, Egypt, West +Indies, and other countries, is evidence that although the environment +and circumstances may differ, yet God is everywhere the same to fulfil +the promises given in his Word, in all countries and among the people +of every nation. Although the names and addresses are not given, the +experiences are genuine, and the author will take pleasure in furnishing +information concerning any of them. + +The "Experience of a Hundred Years Ago," given on page 245 was taken +from an old book that in my early childhood days I often saw my mother +read. The book was old and worn long before I was born, and I have only +a few pages as a relic of early remembrances. It was entitled "The +Riches of Grace." + +No doubt the title of this old book, together with a knowledge of the +comfort and consolation that my mother received from reading the many +Christian experiences it contained, contributed to my inspiration in +presenting these pages for the benefit of others. + +I hereby acknowledge my indebtedness and heartfelt thanks to those who +have so kindly contributed to this compilation of experiences, and I +trust that every burdened soul that reads these experiences may take +courage and may henceforth abound in the riches of the grace of God. + +Yours for a victorious life, + + E. E. BYRUM. + + Anderson, Indiana, January 16, 1918. + + + + +RICHES OF GRACE + + + + +The Joy and Blessings of a Christian Life + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 1 + + +The pathway of life has its shadows and sunshine, its pleasures and +sorrows; and in the Christian life, I am convinced, many people live in +the shadow more than in the sunshine, when they could very well have it +otherwise. + +When I was about thirteen years of age, I yielded myself to the Lord and +made a decision to spend my life in his service. Since that time, like +Christian in Bunyan's "Pilgrim's Progress," I have met with many and +varied experiences; but one beautiful encouraging thought has been that, +no matter how hard my trials, how near my strength was gone, nor how +little my courage lacked of failing, just at that time, when I was the +most helpless, God was always present to help either by his Spirit or by +sending one of his servants to encourage and strengthen me. + +I have, indeed, found the Christian life to be a warfare. Every +individual who enlists in the service of the Lord will have the forces +of evil to battle against, but God has made provision whereby every +child of God can be an overcomer in every conflict. The one who has a +firm decision to be true at any cost will receive such power and help +that Satan can not prevent him from serving the Lord. The enemy may +try to hinder by causing trials, difficulties, and perplexities, and +at times the way may seem dark, with no apparent hope of day; but our +God, who is mighty, will turn all these seeming hindrances into real +blessings and make them stepping-stones to glory. + +In my youthful days I felt a deep desire to work for God and longed to +fill some place in life where I could feel that I not only was living a +life of salvation, but was really engaged in my Master's service. As I +knelt in earnest prayer and consecrated myself fully to the Lord for him +to direct me as seemed best, a dark sorrow filled my heart; for Satan +whispered: "You are too young. You can not stand against the powers of +evil that all young people must meet. Your covenant with the Lord is too +great for you to keep." But with tears I cried unto the Lord to know if +these suggestions were true. At that moment the Lord gave me the +assurance that if I decided to serve him he would teach me how to do so. +He would give me grace in every time of need. + +Some time after this I became very ill and knew unless God came to +my aid I should soon have to leave this world. As I thought of my +condition, a joy filled my soul that I might soon be with the Lord. +With this joy came also a sadness, as I realized that I had done nothing +in the vineyard of the Lord. It seemed that I could not bear to go +empty-handed. I prayed God to spare my life that I might work for him. +He graciously and instantly touched my body with his healing power, and +in a few days I was able to attend school. + +Once I was about to make a decision and take a step that would have +hindered me from filling the place the Lord designed I should fill. At +that moment the Lord made known to me by his Holy Spirit in such a way +that I could not question his leadings that he had called me to his +service, and also made known to me the place that I was chosen to fill. +Immediately I was reminded of my covenant with the Lord, although I had +to stand against the pleadings and earnest entreaties of some of my very +dear friends. + +Before this I had decided not to leave my mother, but to work near +my home so that I could readily respond in case of sickness. After +considerable meditation about the matter of leaving my father and +mother, brothers and sisters, in order to take up my work for the Lord, +the matter became very serious. Finally I went to the Lord one morning +in earnest prayer. I shall never forget that season of prayer, when I +seemed to be in the direct presence of the Lord. My consecration was +put to a test as one question after another was presented, as to whether +or not I should be willing to die, to really give my life, if God so +designed, that my unsaved loved ones might be saved, or to do the same +for lost souls who were not dear to me according to the ties of nature. +And again, should I be willing to give my life for lost sinners and +have them scoff and spurn me? These were hard questions, but my heart +said: "Lord, thy will be done. Where thou leadest I will follow." I was +solemnly impressed with the thought: Jesus came to save a lost world, +but they crucified him; instead of accepting his love, they rejected it. + +Within a short time I had the matter settled beyond a doubt that the +time had come for me to enter upon the mission whereunto the Lord had +called me. The way began to open before me, and as I bid loved ones +farewell, a sweet assurance filled my soul that my decision and action +was in accordance with His will. It gave me much sorrow to leave home, +but God so blessed and directed me that I have never been sorry that I +obeyed his voice. Over and over I have proved that God's way is best. +His way may cause pain and sorrow at times, which we may not be able to +understand, but in the end we can know of a truth that God has caused +all things to work together for our good and for his glory. + +At one time I was very much tested, and discouragements presented +themselves. I was trying hard to be an overcomer and to cast every +burden upon the Lord. The enemy would suggest that it was of no use for +me to try to stand against the things that were oppressing me and that +it would be better to surrender, and even give place to discouragements, +and that even though I should come out a conqueror later, no one would +ever know anything about it. At first this suggestion seemed plausible, +but upon further consideration I said: "No, I will not surrender. If no +one else ever knows, I will know, God will know, and the devil will +know, that I stood true and came out victorious." This experience has +since that time often been a real encouragement to me. + +At another time I had for weeks been passing through real testing times. +Occasionally the trials would lift and God would bless my soul, but +again the darkness of depressions would settle over me. I began to weary +and to long for deliverance. The suggestion came that it would be better +for me to cease serving God and never to try again. Over and over +something whispered that there was no use to continue; that if others +who were older and better qualified fell by the wayside and could not +stand, there was positively no use in my trying. Finally the enemy +insisted that there was nothing else for me to do than to give up, and +that, after all, I was in a deplorable spiritual condition; that there +was no hope for me. At this point I discerned that it was the enemy, +and, kneeling before God, I promised him that if he could get more glory +out of my life by my being in such a trial all the rest of my days, +I was willing to submit to the trial. When I came to this decision my +trial vanished suddenly, and God poured the glory into my soul and +the victory was far sweeter than the trial had been bitter. + +Sometimes I have had trials in which I could see no good nor from which +I could not perceive how any good could possibly result; but later I +would be enabled to know that those very trials were worth more to me +than any treasure this earth could afford. + +As I look upon my past life and see how mercifully God has dealt with +me, how he has guided and protected, and how he has shielded me from the +power of the tempter, my heart cries out, "What a mighty God! What a +great and loving Father!" Counting my blessings, I find they so far +outnumber my trials that it brings me real courage to press on, knowing, +as I do, that grace will be given me to meet whatever may yet lie in my +pathway. "For there hath no temptation taken you but such as is common +to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above +that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to +escape, that ye may be able to bear it" (1 Cor. 10:13). + + + + +Experiences of a Minister + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 2 + + +A careworn woman once asked a philosopher how she might obtain relief +from and victory over the trials and sorrows of life. He said to her, +"Fetch me a cup of salt from some home where sorrow and care has never +entered, and I will then tell you the secret of victory." After a long +and weary journey, she returned to him saying that she had given up the +search in despair; for in all her travels she found no home entirely +free from care and sorrow. Like this poor woman, I once longed and +sought for some state or condition in life where I might be free from +the cares and perplexities that distressed me, but my search too seemed +fruitless. At last, after many disappointments, I found the more +excellent way of victory over my trials through simple, trusting faith +in Him who notes even the sparrow's fall. + +Before I fully learned this lesson, there were times in my life when it +seemed I was on the verge of despair, so severe were my trials. As I now +look back to those scenes and experiences, there come to my mind the +pathetic lines of Longfellow's poem "The Bridge." + + + For my heart was hot and restless, + And my life was full of care, + And the burden laid upon me + Seemed greater than I could bear. + + But now it has fallen from me, + It is buried in the sea; + And only the sorrow of others + Throws its shadow over me. + + And I think how many thousands + Of care-encumbered men, + Each bearing his burden of sorrow, + Have crossed the bridge since then. + + +For the sake of the many thousands who are still trying to bear their +own burdens, I send forth the following account of some of my life's +experiences. I trust the Lord may use it to help some on their way to +the feet of Him who said, "Come unto me, all ye that labor and are +heavy-laden, and I will give you rest" (Matt. 11:28). + +There are doubtless thousands whose sins have been forgiven, but +who have not yet learned by actual experience the precious privilege +expressed in these words: "Casting all your care upon him, for he careth +for you" (1 Pet. 5:7). An old lady was once trudging along a hot and +dusty highway carrying a heavy basket. She was soon overtaken by a kind +man, who invited her to take a seat in the rear of his carriage. After +some time had passed, he looked back to see how his passenger was +getting along, when he was astonished to see her holding that heavy +basket on her lap. "Grandma," said he, "there is plenty of room; why do +you not set your basket down?" "Oh," she replied, "you are so kind to +take me in that I thought I would make the load as light as possible for +your horses, so I concluded to carry the basket myself." We may smile at +her reply, yet many who have trusted the Lord to forgive their sins, are +nevertheless trying still to carry their own burdens. + + +MY CONVERSION + +In early childhood I was taught to pray and to reverence God's Word. +I was deeply impressed with the truths that I learned at Sunday-school. +Even as a child I loved the preaching-service, and the Word of God made +a strong and lasting impression upon my mind. + +When I was about ten years old, a revival was held in my home community. +At an afternoon service, held especially for the children, I responded +to the altar-call, and there I was completely broken up, the tears +running in profusion down my face. My dear mother knelt by my side: +"My boy," she said, "if you should desire anything good that I could +bestow upon you, would you ask me for it?" I promptly replied in the +affirmative. "Then," she continued, "would you believe that your request +would be granted?" Again I answered in the affirmative. "That is the way +to receive God's blessings," she said. "Now, when you ask the Lord to +forgive your sins, believe that he hears and answers your prayer." +In simple, child-like faith I believed the promise, and the peace of +God gently flooded my soul. One of the most prominent features of my +childhood experience was the peculiar love I felt for every one. +I longed to see my companions saved. + + +EARLY TRIALS + +Soon after my conversion and before that special series of meetings +closed, I heard the pastor relate the experience of a certain boy who +had sought and found the Lord. He said that after a period of earnest +seeking, all the darkness was instantly dispelled and the boy was +wonderfully saved. Judging from this vivid description, I decided +that the boy must have witnessed some sudden manifestation of light. +Immediately I began to doubt my experience. I was still more disturbed +when I saw older persons struggling night after night at the altar and +then finally experiencing some powerful emotions which seemed to be far +more wonderful than anything that I had experienced. Sometimes I wished +that I too might go to the altar again and pray and struggle until some +wonderful demonstration should be given to me; but I was naturally +backward and timid, and could scarcely make up my mind to go through +such an ordeal of struggling as I had witnessed in some of more mature +years. + + +ENCOURAGEMENTS + +Although at times I was greatly distressed, yet often when I was in +secret prayer, my heart was greatly comforted and I experienced seasons +of quiet, peaceful blessings. I noticed, too, that some who had +wonderful outward demonstrations at the time they were converted, did +not hold out very long, but soon drifted back into sin, while in my own +heart the desire still remained to be true to the Lord. + + +CONFLICTS + +I did not, however, enjoy constant victory. At times I gave way to +ill-temper or selfish motives. My conscience being tender, I often felt +instant condemnation after yielding to these things, and then I would +pour out my heart in secret prayer for forgiveness and for grace and +strength to resist the temptation more successfully the next time. I +remember, also, occasions when, upon the approach of temptation, I would +steal away to the secret place of prayer and ask for strength to keep me +sweet in my soul. I could then go forth to meet my trials with the +utmost calmness and serenity, and victory then seemed easy. + +Although I had a Christian home, yet sorrows and trials came into my +young life, very painful ones at times. How often I would seek the place +of prayer and there in simple, child-like faith unburden my heart to the +Lord. Whenever I called upon him, he always gave me relief and never +failed to provide a way of escape from every temptation and difficulty. + + "In seasons of distress and grief, + My soul has often found relief, + And oft escaped the tempter's snare, + By thy return, sweet hour of prayer." + + +HEALING + +Although I had never received any definite teaching on the subject of +divine healing, yet almost intuitively, it seems, I would call upon the +Lord for help when afflicted, and would receive the needed help. Several +times my mother seemed to be at the point of death. With troubled heart, +I sought the place of prayer to tell the Lord all about it. My heart was +comforted, my prayers were answered, and Mother was spared. + + +CALL TO THE MINISTRY + +Even in childhood I learned to pray and to testify in public. At first +these things were very hard for me, owing to my timid disposition. +However, I was always blessed in the effort. The impression came to me +early in life that some day I should preach the gospel; in fact, I would +occasionally find myself mentally addressing an imaginary audience. Many +of my acquaintances also were impressed that the ministry would be my +life-work. + + +DRIFTING + +As time went on, formality again found its way into our meetings, and I +also imbibed its spirit. My conscience was no longer as tender as it had +been, and I actually indulged in things that were sinful. Still I kept +up my profession, attended the services, testified and prayed in public, +and was generally counted a good Christian. + + +CONVICTION + +At last a humble man of God became our pastor. Without fear, and yet in +gentleness and meekness, he preached the Word of God as far as he had +light. As I sat under his preaching, the truth went straight to my +heart, and I began to see my lack. The revival meeting had now begun, +and I saw that I must either serve God in earnest, obeying him in all +things, or quit professing. + + +RECLAIMED + +One night after services, while on the way to my room, I resolved to get +where the Lord would have me to be even if I should have to pray all +night. I began; but the more I prayed the worse I felt. I was shown one +thing after another that I should have to give up or make right if I +would enjoy God's favor. About the midnight hour, I had said the last +yes to God, and then came the test of faith. That very evening I had +heard the minister instructing seekers to give up all sin, to ask God's +forgiveness, and then to believe his promise that he forgives and +saves, whether any change was noticed in the feelings or not; and +although I had always longed for the great emotions I thought others had +experienced, yet in the absence of any particular feeling, I was willing +to believe God's promise. + +When I first began to pray, I was conscious of a great deal of fear, +which deepened until it seemed I was almost in despair; but as I yielded +my will to God's will, all fears subsided, and just before I grasped the +promise, I was void of any particular emotion. It seemed to please the +Lord to take this plan to teach me that, after all, salvation does not +come by feeling. Then calmly and quietly I laid hold upon the promise, +"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, +and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). I said to the +Lord, "Now I am willing to forsake all sin and do all thou wouldst have +me to do; and although I do not feel any great change, yet I believe +that, according to thy Word, thou dost save me now." Quietly but +earnestly I said from the depths of my heart, "Jesus saves me now." +In a short time the peace of God gently flooded my soul, and I knew +that my sins were forgiven. + +After spending some time in peaceful communion with God, I went to +sleep, knowing beyond a doubt that if I should never awaken, my spirit +would immediately take its flight to the realms of the blest. In my +gratitude, the tears streamed down my face, and I wondered how I had +ever been content to live at such a distance from God as I had lived +during the past few years. + + +CONFLICT WITH DOUBTS + +When I awoke the next morning, the peace of God was still in my soul; +but Satan faintly whispered, "Perhaps, after all, you were mistaken last +night; you may not have a genuine experience of salvation." He suggested +also, "You do not feel quite so joyful as you did." In spite of all +this, I knew that a great change had taken place in me. Some whom I had +previously hated, I now most tenderly loved. Life had a new charm for +me, and I remarked to my mother that it seemed that I had just begun +to live. So in spite of all the doubts suggested by the evil one, +I testified publicly how God had most wonderfully blessed me. While +testifying, I was blessed again. + + +FEELINGS + +I now turned my attention toward my feelings and decided that the normal +experience of the Christian was to be happy and joyful constantly. My +joy soon settled down into a deep, calm peace. Soon the enemy began to +suggest, "Where is your joy? You must be losing out." At these times +I tried to stir my emotions again by meditation and earnest prayer. +However, I was not always successful; and often great distress settled +over my spirit. Sometimes I would almost decide that I must be unsaved, +although I also had victory over the sins that formerly held me in +bondage, and my supreme desire was to do God's will in all things. Yet +my feelings were so variable that perhaps one day I would feel glad and +joyful and would conclude that I was truly saved. At such times I would +decide never to doubt my experience again; then probably the next day, +if not the very same day, my feelings would change, and the old doubts +would come back again. + + +SEVERE TEMPTATIONS + +I was also surprized in another respect. The old temptations that had +seemingly left me never to return, as I had hoped, came back with +renewed force. By earnest prayer, however, I obtained complete +deliverance. This taught me the necessity of watching and praying. + + +RESTITUTION + +After some time I received light on the subject of restitution. Although +I had never committed any grave or serious wrongs against any one, yet +I need to confess some things and to make proper restitution to certain +individuals. This was very humbling to me, as I was generally considered +a good boy and a model young man in the community where I was born and +reared and where I still resided at the time of my restoration to the +favor of God. In fact, many seemed to believe that I was a pretty good +Christian at the very time I was in my backslidden condition. It, +therefore, took a great deal of grace to humble myself sufficiently to +make these wrongs right. However, I was always blessed in making the +required restitution. + + +GOING TO EXTREMES + +At first Satan tried to keep me from making any restitution. Then, after +I had started, and he saw he could not prevent me, he pushed me to the +other extreme. One little neglect or forgetfulness after another came to +mind until it seemed to me there would be no end of making reparation. +These little shortcomings were so trivial in their nature that, as I now +review them, I am convinced that they were either no wrongs at all or +else merely mistakes resulting from a lack of wisdom or knowledge, and +that they had been readily overlooked at the time or soon forgotten by +all parties concerned until my own mind began to search for them. + +The following will suffice as a fair sample: I had by oversight +forgotten to return a borrowed lead pencil, which had been about +three-fourths used up. Months afterwards I happened to think of it, and +I became so worried and accused that I finally attempted restitution, +as I had already done in perhaps dozens of other just such trivial +instances. + +I was also driven to the consideration of my past conduct in the light +of my present experience. I then made apologies one after another for my +past failures. In some instances this was perfectly proper; but again I +was driven to such extremes that I scarcely had any peace. The natural +result was that I watched every word and act so carefully that often +I was afraid to smile, for fear I might laugh at the wrong time. I was +so busy watching myself that I did not get much enjoyment out of my +religious experience. Indeed, the standard I set for myself was so rigid +that I speedily came into bondage. I was unhappy myself and made others +unhappy about me. However, I had no intention of going back into sin. + + +BECOMING ASCETIC + +I took a great interest in reading religious books and papers. Although +doubtless the motives of those who wrote these were high and noble, and +their sole aim and purpose was to further the interests of God's kingdom +on earth, yet some of these productions were written in such a manner as +to cause a conscientious soul to feel that it is almost impossible for +an ordinary person to reach a standard of experience and life such as +they set up. My natural tendency, however, impelled me to try in my weak +way to pattern after the most rigid examples. I noticed that some of the +characters mentioned were given to much fasting and to abstinence from +all except the very plainest of foods. My tendency toward extremes again +asserted itself, and sometimes I felt condemned for enjoying even a +wholesome meal. I remember one occasion when I worried because I had +indulged in eating a reasonable amount of meat which was pleasing to +my taste. + +The last year I was in school these morbid tendencies reached their +climax. I had read of devoted men in the ministry who had labored so +zealously that they allowed themselves only six hours sleep. Besides +their daily tasks, which were enormous, some of these men had spent as +long as two hours each day in private devotions. I tried to force myself +to this rigid routine, besides keeping up with my classes in the +university. Almost every night religious services were held either in +the chapel or in some cottage. On Sunday there were four and sometimes +five services. Of course, I felt duty bound to attend all of these, +besides keeping up daily my two hours of private devotions. Sometimes +I was obliged to lose a part of the six hours allotted for sleep, in +order to carry out this rigid program I had set for myself. Not only did +I suffer from exhaustion induced by the constant and heavy strain; but +if I happened to fail in spending the full two hours in prayer or in +reading the Scriptures, I would sometimes be so terribly accused that +I would resort to a public confession of my "neglect," and once I went +to the public altar under accusation that was largely due to this very +cause. + +I had heard a great deal, also, concerning our obligation to do personal +work and threw myself into this phase of Christian activity. Of course, +I soon went to extremes. If I happened to be in the company of some one +for a short time and failed to speak to him about his soul's welfare, +I was likely to be dreadfully accused for gross neglect of duty. Under +such circumstances it was hard for me to testify, because the accuser +could always find some "neglect" or "oversight" with which to trouble +me. On the other hand, I was afraid not to testify lest I should soon be +hopelessly backslidden if I neglected this duty. So I finally drifted +into the habit of silently asking God's forgiveness for any possible +"neglect" in any way, just before rising to testify, so as to make sure +that I was in a proper condition to witness for the Lord. All this was +exceedingly wearing on my whole being. + + +A MORBID CONSCIENCE + +At last my conscience became so morbid that every sermon I heard and +every religious book or tract I read was at once compared with my +experience to see if I lacked in even the lightest details. I happened +to read of one devoted man who literally gave all his possessions to +the Lord's work. Immediately I thought of the small amount of money that +I had with which to pay my winter's tuition in the university. It was +not quite enough to pay all my expenses, and yet when I would decide +that I could not give my "all" to the Lord's work, terrible accusations +would crush me down until it seemed that my reason itself would become +unbalanced. In my despair, I opened up my heart to a trusted friend, and +he showed me that this was clearly an accusation from Satan and should +be entirely ignored. All these things told sadly on my mental and +physical condition, so that when the school year ended and I returned +home to my friends, they were very much disappointed in me. Finally they +became alarmed at my morbid condition. + + +OBTAINING RELIEF + +Satan at last overdid himself; and by the help of kind friends, I +discerned his devices and the extremes to which I had been driven. Once +the following lines were quoted to me: "If you want to be distracted, +look about you; if you would be miserable, look within; but if you would +be happy, look to Jesus." These I shall never forget. A friend also +pointed out the fact that I was constantly feeling my spiritual pulse. +He said that this was just as detrimental to my spiritual condition as +the constant counting of heart-beats would be to my physical health. +Just as a patient would be likely to imagine himself afflicted with +heart-trouble, so the same habit in the spiritual realm would, if +continually indulged, prove disastrous to constant peace and victory. + +It took some time to throw off entirely the "straight jacket" which had +been imposed upon me; but by patient persistence, with God's grace, I +was made an overcomer. I was taught to discern the difference between +accusations and the workings of the Spirit of God. The voice of the +accuser is harsh, cruel, nagging, or exacting; God's Spirit is mild, +gentle, and encouraging. When God's Spirit reveals anything, it is made +clear and plain. The accuser bewilders, confuses, and discourages. I +also learned that our kind heavenly Father is not watching for an +opportunity to cast us off, but rather he is seeking by the wooings of +his gentle Spirit to lead us into green pastures and beside the still +waters, where we may nourish our souls and become strong to meet the +battles and trials of life. He will show us our shortcomings, but not +in a way that will discourage or crush us. + +Oftentimes while I was under such crushing accusations, the tempter +would say, "How can you ever hope to preach the gospel, when you are so +unsettled in your own experience?" One day there came to my mind the +scripture in Eph. 3:20, which says that he is able to do exceeding +abundantly above all that we can ask or think. I decided that in some +way God would work out his purpose concerning my life if I would +patiently serve him to the best of my knowledge and ability. + + +INHERITED DISPOSITION TO WORRY + +Another lesson I needed to learn was to trust God with the future. I was +naturally inclined to worry. For several generations back my ancestors +on one side of my family tree had been given to excessive worry, their +condition at times bordering on utter despondency. I was painfully +conscious of this inheritance in my constitutional make-up. In my morbid +imagination, nearly every threatening trouble was magnified to the +proportion of a dreadful disaster. Many an hour, and even days, I wasted +in useless worry. Perhaps not one tenth of my gloomy forebodings ever +materialized. + + +FACING A NERVOUS COLLAPSE + +In order to teach me more thoroughly the lesson of trust, the Lord +permitted me to pass through a peculiar and severe trial. As I looked +forward to the time when I hoped to take up the active work of the +ministry, I had a great desire to be at my best in every way. I had +hoped to be in good health so that I might be able to bear the strain of +the work and to meet every emergency that might arise. But just as I was +about ready to enter upon my life's mission, I found my health breaking +and myself on the verge of a nervous breakdown. This was indeed a keen +disappointment to me. My sufferings at times seemed almost intolerable. +I could not understand it: I longed so much to be of real service to God +and to accomplish what I regarded as my life-work--the ministry. + +Although the prospects seemed gloomy and my friends expected a complete +breakdown in my health, yet I determined to go forward in the name of +the Lord and to do the best I could. I even began to fear that my reason +would be dethroned. However, I said nothing about my condition to my +congregation, but sought to be a blessing to them in every way. I +finally tried to form the habit of beginning each day with a season of +thanksgiving for all the blessings I could think of. This proved to be +very helpful. + + +RELIEVED BY HELPING OTHERS + +Some days were more trying than others. While passing through the +severest tests I learned that it was very helpful to look for some other +tried or tempted ones and do my best to cheer and comfort them. Just a +few doors from where I roomed was a lady past middle age, who had been a +sufferer for eleven years. She had been helpless during the greater part +of that time. I went to see her often and did what I could to lighten +her burdens. She knew nothing of my sufferings, however. She was so +grateful for everything I did for her, and the Lord's presence was so +real every time I talked or prayed with her that invariably I was +abundantly helped in the very efforts put forth to cheer and comfort +her. Sometimes my heart carried an almost intolerable burden; but after +a call in this home of affliction, my burden would grow light and I +would sometimes wonder which had been helped the more, she or I. Also, +when I considered what she had endured for so long, I was ashamed to +tolerate anything like discontent concerning my own lot, which, though +seemingly so hard at times, was so much better and easier, in some +respects at least, than hers. + +There were times when, to add to my sufferings, Satan would bring +against me accusations that I could not have borne without special help +from God. Often the old temptations to doubt my experience of salvation +would return with tremendous force, and if I had listened to the enemy's +suggestions, I should have cast aside my experience in spite of all +that God had ever done for me. The accuser would sometimes begin by +suggesting that I had never been truly sanctified. (I obtained the +experience of entire sanctification soon after entering the work of +the ministry.) Then the enemy would become more bold and would suggest, +"You know that you have often had serious doubts concerning your +experience of justification, and after all, perhaps you have never been +truly converted." + +After annoying and distressing me in this manner, Satan would fling at +me such taunts as these: "You are a pretty example of a minister who is +supposed to be truly called and qualified of God to preach his Word." +Many times I would have a conflict like this just before rising to +preach. If I had given way to feelings, I would rather have sought some +place of quiet seclusion than to have faced the waiting congregation +before me. But then the thought would come, "Perhaps in the congregation +there are tempted and tried souls who need special help"; and so I would +decide to preach, not according to how I felt, but according to actual +knowledge of God's Word, which is ever unchanging. It seemed that +whenever I was most severely tried in this manner, I would get the +greatest victory and blessing by moving out in the performance of +whatever duty confronted me. Indeed, I do not remember a single instance +when I failed to preach at the appointed hour on account of the state of +my feelings. + +I sometimes wondered why the conflict was so long, for I suffered thus +month after month. Sometimes I comforted myself with the thought that +some day death would bring relief; but I learned at last that God was +only permitting these sufferings in order to refine the gold. My best +and most helpful sermons were preached while I was in the very midst of +the deepest suffering. + + +BECOMING RECONCILED + +At last I came to realize that it mattered not so much, after all, +how much I suffered, just so the people whom I served were helped and +blessed; that true blessedness in life does not consist in freedom from +suffering, but in accomplishing one's mission in the world according to +the divine plan. + + +CHRIST MORE REAL + +Some of my most precious seasons of fellowship with Christ were +experienced, when, in the absence of all feeling, except that of severe +suffering, I would say by faith alone, "Thou, O Christ, art by my side. +Thou wilt never leave me nor forsake me." At last I accustomed myself to +believe his presence was real in spite of my feelings, so that by faith +I could almost imagine him at my side. As I walked, it seemed that we +kept step together; as I faced my congregations, he stood by my side, +unseen of course by physical eyes, but under such circumstances the +natural eyes can not be compared with the spiritual sight for clearness +of vision. I then learned what Paul meant to express when he said, +"While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which +are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things +which are not seen are eternal" (2 Cor. 4:18). "Whom having not seen, ye +love; in whom, though now ye see him not, yet believing, ye rejoice with +joy unspeakable and full of glory" (1 Pet. 1:8). + + +SOME LESSONS LEARNED + +Thus my trials and hardships taught me that a genuine experience of +salvation is obtained, as well as maintained, not by working up some +great feeling or emotion, but by simple, trusting faith in God, and +implicit obedience to his Word. + +I found that our God is a loving Father and not a hard taskmaster. +"Like as a father pitieth his children, so the Lord pitieth them that +fear him" (Psa. 103:13). Neither does he require us to do anything that +is unreasonable. "I beseech you, therefore, brethren, by the mercies of +God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable +unto God, which is your reasonable service" (Rom. 12:1). + +I also learned that the true test of our Christian experience is not the +state of our feelings, but the power to resist temptation, to keep sweet +under severe trials, and to manifest the meek and gentle spirit of the +Master. I learned, moreover, that the Lord is not anxious to cast us off +for every little failure, but is long-suffering and patient with us as +long as we have a sincere aim and purpose to please him in all things. +I learned more fully the secret of "casting all my care upon him," +knowing that "all things work together for good to them that love God" +(Rom. 8:28). + +The last few years of my life have been marked by great victory in my +experience. The former trials through which I passed have increased +my usefulness by helping me to be more unselfish. I wondered at the +time why God permitted such trials and sufferings; but now as I look +back upon the past, I see that I could not afford to be without the +discipline and training which those severe trials brought to me. In +my work as a pastor I am all the more qualified to sympathize with and +to help those who are meeting with similar trials and difficulties. +As I remember my own conflicts and trials, I can be more charitable +for others. + + +CONCLUSION + +As the Lord turned again the captivity of Job and restored to him his +former blessings, so he restored my health in due time, together with +great victory along every line. Though I still meet with hard trials +and perplexing problems, yet I have learned to take them all to him +in simple, trusting faith, fully assured that he will direct in all +things. As already explained, my natural tendency was to worry; +yet through God's grace I have been able to meet some of the most +perplexing problems with calmness and even in the face of these things +to enjoy refreshing sleep, knowing that "he is able to do exceeding +abundantly above all that we ask or think" (Eph. 3:20). + +I have ceased to long for an experience like that of some one else, +knowing that God has given me one that is best for me. Peter and John +were both true disciples of our Lord, yet how differently did they +manifest outwardly the workings of God's Spirit within, which is ever +the same! + +Some years ago I discerned the oneness of God's people and became +fully convinced that the Word of God should be our guide in all things +pertaining to our spiritual welfare; that none of it should be omitted +or cast aside. Since that time the light has been constantly increasing, +and each succeeding year becomes more blessed in his service. I am +learning more and more, as Paul expresses it, that "in whatsoever state +I am, therewith to be content" (Phil. 4:11). With the past all under the +blood, I have no gloomy forebodings concerning the future; "for I know +whom I have believed, and am persuaded that he is able to keep that +which I have committed unto him against that day" (2 Tim. 1:12). + + + + +The Testimony of a Prisoner + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 3 + + +"The heart is deceitful above all things, and is desperately wicked" +(Jer. 17:9). The truthfulness of this scripture has been verified in my +life. For more than twenty years I lived a most shameful life to satisfy +the desires of my wicked heart. I have learned that the more a person +yields to the sinful desires of the heart, the more wicked he becomes. + +Many times during my early school days I yielded to the tempter and +played truant and ofttimes concluded that it was too hot to study and +yielded to the suggestion to go for a swim in the pond, regardless of +consequences. After playing truant the first time, I found a repetition +of the act much easier, until finally my parents became disgusted with +me and sent me away to work, and I have worked ever since that time. +While in the coal-mines, I received many hard knocks and bumps, and my +education neglected; whereas, had I not yielded to my wilfulness and +the deceitful desires of my heart in the beginning, I might have had a +splendid education and today be the possessor of a responsible position. + +On my fifteenth birthday I took my first drink, yielding to the +temptation of taking my dinner-pail and getting ten cents' worth of beer +to drink beneath a shady tree. Oh, that God would have taken me before +it ever touched my lips! I am unable to relate all my experiences since +I took my first drink, but would say that I have suffered beyond measure +and have paid a great price for my folly. It has robbed me of my +character, reputation, friends, a beloved wife, and four beautiful +children--three boys and a girl--whom I loved more than my own life. + +After drink had robbed me of all that was dear to my heart, then the +suggestion came for still further destruction by committing suicide. The +evil one suggested that as there was nothing left worthy a continuation +of my life, it were better to end it all and find sweet rest in the +grave. I was cast into prison, and the way before me truly seemed dark. + +While I was serving a prison sentence I learned there was help for me +through the salvation of Jesus Christ. It was in the Bible that I +learned that the Lord would create within me a new heart if I would only +let him in, and "old things are passed away; behold, all things are +become new." I thought that I was too far gone to be forgiven, but the +words found in Isa. 1:18 gave me assurance: "Though your sins be as +scarlet, they shall be white as snow: though they be red like crimson, +they shall be as wool." These words were to me what a life-preserver is +to a drowning person. I grasped them with a trembling heart and found +peace to my soul. + +Now, instead of destroying my own life by committing suicide and seeking +rest in the grave, as Satan had often suggested, I found sweet rest to +my soul in turning to Jesus, and the most earnest desire of my heart is +to serve him and do that which is pleasing in his sight. Now it is a +pleasant pastime, a joy and pleasure, to read the Bible and religious +books, tracts, and papers, whereby I can learn more of the beauties of a +life of salvation. May God help sinners everywhere to seek him while he +may be found. + + + + +A Little Chinese Girl + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 4 + + +She was only a little Chinese girl, like ten thousand of others in the +great heathen land of which she was a native. She was the youngest of +three children, and her father died while she was but a babe. The +mother, being left a poor widow, was unable to support her little +family. Therefore, according to Chinese custom, the son (who was the +oldest of the three) was to receive the mother's attention, but the two +daughters were to be sold into other homes, to become wives as soon as +they were of marriageable age. + +It is about the baby girl, Baulin, of whom I wish to tell you in this +story. The case was put into her grandfather's hands for management, who +arranged for her to go into her uncle's home, and to finally become the +wife of her cousin, who was a little younger than herself. As soon as +she was a few years old she was trained to help wash the clothes, cook +the family rice, and clean the bowls; and at an early age she had to work +many long hours in a silk-factory for only a few cents a day. These few +cents helped to buy her own rice, and as her uncle was a poor man, he +could not afford to support his "si-fu" (daughter-in-law) without +receiving something for it. Never a day was this dear child sent to +school. It was not customary to educate Chinese girls, except it should +be those of greater wealth or rank. + +Time went on until Baulin was about fourteen years old. In the meantime +her uncle had come in contact with missionaries representing the +full gospel of Jesus Christ. As he became better acquainted with the +doctrine, and obtained an experience of salvation, he saw that it would +not be right to enforce the marriage of Baulin to his son; the matter +was to be left to their own choice, when they grew old enough to decide. +Still the responsibility was upon him to continue supporting her to the +same extent that he previously had. + +In the course of another year or two, Baulin not only had shown an +interest in the gospel, but had a desire to take up her abode in the +mission compound to assist with the cooking for the other natives who +lived there. In this capacity she faithfully labored a few months, +during which time she came for prayer for salvation. The missionaries +in charge had found difficulty in obtaining native help for their own +kitchen. One day it suddenly dawned upon the mistress of the house that +Baulin might be trained for the culinary department. When the idea +was suggested, this dear young girl was delighted at the thought of +promotion in usefulness. Arrangements were immediately made, and the new +plan proved successful. Though she did not so much as know how to pare +potatoes, fry eggs, nor set the table for foreign food, yet her eager +willingness to learn made her easy to teach. Her natural inability to +take responsibility, to manage, and to exercise her own judgment, were +points greatly against her becoming a competent cook. However, by +the mistress continuing to plan the meals and to bear the general +responsibility, Baulin soon developed into a very reliable and useful +worker. + +Two years later when the missionaries moved to another station, she +was pleased to accompany them and to continue as their cook. In the +meantime, however, a serious change came over her uncle, which made +Baulin entertain fears concerning her former engagement for marriage. +This man, who was so dependable before, gradually became entangled in +business matters, swindled others out of a considerable amount of money, +resulting in his utter spiritual downfall. Instead of making efforts +to rise again, he seemed to sink deeper and deeper into sin, until all +hope was given up for his return. Baulin was exceedingly fond of her +own people, and her relatives were not a few. But after her uncle had +backslidden, she began to receive more or less persecution from her +people. It so happened that the new station to which she accompanied +the new missionaries was the city in which her mother lived. She was +employed there as servant for a high-class family. The mother, though +having been in contact with the Christian religion for many years, still +remained a rank heathen, having great faith in the worship of idols. The +time came when the missionaries were about to depart on furlough to the +homeland, and now a serious question confronted Baulin: "What shall I +do, or what can I do?" + +But before continuing this narrative, let me say here that during the +three years that she was employed as cook, she made a perfect record of +honesty and uprightness--something which probably can not be said of one +out of a hundred of Chinese cooks. Not once was she even suspected of +taking without permission, so much as a crust of bread or a spoonful of +anything belonging to the foreign kitchen. When other natives of the +compound would ask her for a bit of food which happened to be left in +the dishes, she would never give it without first asking permission to +do so. She seldom broke dishes, but when she did, she lost no time in +making acknowledgment. Thus her honesty, conscientiousness, and modesty +won a warm place in the hearts of those whom she served, and when she +appealed to them for help in solving the problem which so perplexed her +mind about the time that she must be separated from them, they gladly +shared her burden. It was by seeing her stedfastness through this trial +that her real worth could be appreciated more than ever before. + +From a Chinese point of view, she was still under age, though she was +now about eighteen. Her mother had never given up the idea that she +should be married to her cousin when they both became old enough. At +this time her uncle was in a backslidden state, and in all probability +would insist on the marriage. The boy himself, her cousin, was growing +up rather a worthless young man. He had been in school more or less, +but was not extra bright. Recently his father had placed him as an +apprentice in a shoeshop. He had shown no inclination whatsoever toward +spiritual things, though he had had many advantages of hearing the +gospel. Baulin knew that she would soon be out of employment, and this +meant much to the young girl; for she was now fully self-supporting and, +besides, had helped her uncle more than once in his financial straits. +To return to the former mission station, at which city most of her +people lived, seemed the only open door before her. Yet this meant more +persecution, and should she have to return to the silk-factory to work, +she would be deprived of attending meeting, for the girls and women +employed there must toil on from early morn till late at night, seven +days a week. + +It was when she heard that her uncle was making a business trip to the +city where she was now living and where her mother also lived, that +she became more anxious concerning a quick settlement of that marriage +question, and it was in this that she earnestly begged the missionary to +help. A meeting was called at which Baulin, her mother, her uncle, the +missionary, and a few others were present. Baulin requested a written +agreement signed by her mother and uncle, that the engagement to her +cousin was broken, and that they should have no power to compel her +engagement to any one else, but that she should have the right herself +to make choice of her life companion. The question was discussed, but +met with extreme opposition at first by the mother, insomuch that the +girl finally declared that because she was a Christian and desired to +do the right she would die rather than be compelled to marry a man who +was not a Christian and one whom she did not love. The uncle's greatest +objection was that he had no money to buy another girl for his son, and +the son would blame his father for not having a wife ready for him, +according to Chinese custom. + +After several meetings, hours of discussion, and much prayer on the part +of the Christians, a paper and a duplicate were finally signed, which +set this dear young Christian free from her childhood engagement, and +oh, what a beaming countenance she wore! Keenly did she realize it would +not be easy to return to her home city and face her heathen relatives, +who would all be against her on account of the step she had taken, but +she was very happy in knowing that her persecution was for righteousness' +sake. Well able did she feel, through the grace of God, to meet the +worst that might come. + +Her joy was increased some days later, when word was received that the +mission station in the same city where her people lived would be glad to +use her as cook and general helper in the house. Thus she would not need +to go back to the factory to earn a living, but could be employed more +directly in the service of God and be under the care of the church. + +I hope all who read this true story will not forget to breathe a prayer +for this dear young girl, who so boldly took her stand for the truth and +right, in the midst of opposition from heathen relatives. We can not but +hope that she may some day be as reliable a spiritual worker as she is +today a temporal worker. + + + + +Persecutions and Victories of an Evangelist + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 5 + + +It is with pleasure and gratitude that I take advantage of this +opportunity of telling of God's wonderful dealings with me. It is now +a little over ten years since I was converted. I had the advantage of +being reared in a Christian home. My parents having been saved for a +good many years. + +When I first heard of people who believed the entire Word of God as +it was preached in the days of the apostles, I wondered what kind of +people they were. Some of the ministers were conducting some meetings +not far from where we lived, and, hearing of these people, I asked my +father if it would not be possible for them to come to our community. +Being surprized at my question and glad to hear that I was interested +in hearing those people, he suggested that I should speak to them +personally and ask them to come. These meetings were conducted about +eight miles from our home. + +It was a cold October day when I drove to the place with horse and +buggy and asked the people to come to our town. They were glad for +the invitation, and we returned to my home the same day. There was +especially one thing about them which surprized me, and that was how +happy and contented they seemed to be; but I was a little unwilling to +believe that it was really possible for a person to enjoy religion, for +my association with so-called Christian people had made the impression +upon my mind that Christianity, or salvation, was only for those who +could not enjoy themselves in the world. + +When the company that were to hold the meeting came to our home, +I decided to study and examine their lives to find out whether they +really possessed the joy and satisfaction that I was longing for. Their +quiet, devoted lives convinced me of the fact that I ought to become +a Christian. Deep conviction settled down upon me in the meetings. +My mother and father, whose lives had made a deep impression upon me, +pleaded with me to yield to God, but I was still unwilling to surrender. + +After the meetings closed I tried to quench the Spirit by indulging in +worldly pleasures and associating with my old friends, but it seemed +that the Spirit of God was working so powerfully upon me that it was +impossible to resist him. I remember especially an experience one +afternoon. I was brought face to face with the supreme question, Are you +ready to meet God? I decided that I would not yield, but that I would +enjoy the pleasure of sin and the world for some years and later become +a Christian. + +Not being able to quench the convictions that the Spirit of God had +wrought upon me, I deliberately indulged in blasphemy, determined +to make the Holy Spirit leave me, but I am glad to say that God was +merciful to me in not permitting my soul to be lost. For a moment I felt +as though I had committed the unpardonable sin, that heaven was closed, +and that my soul was lost forever. But I turned to God with tears +and a broken heart, the Spirit of God again strove with me, and my +sins were mercifully forgiven. The joy of heaven filled my soul, and +I received the assurance that my name was written in the Book of Life. +This was November 5, 1905. + + +SANCTIFICATION + +My soul was perfectly satisfied, and for some time I felt as though all +that heaven could give to a human being in this world had been given to +me. But later I began to realize the need of something more. I heard +teaching on the doctrine of entire sanctification and began to study +about it in the Bible. The knowledge thus obtained caused me to seek +for the experience, but I did not receive it as soon as I had expected. +After some very hard struggles and much disappointment I finally +concluded that the teaching was wrong in regard to this matter and that +it was impossible to obtain the experience as it had been presented to +me. Trying to comfort myself with this thought, I let the matter rest +for a while, but I was not satisfied. + +About two years after my conversion I decided that this matter should be +settled between God and my soul. Going to the Lord in earnest prayer, I +made a perfect consecration of all to God. The Lord began talking to my +soul, and he made it clear to me that the reason why I had not obtained +the experience sooner was not because the doctrine I had heard was +wrong, but because I had an exaggerated idea of what sanctification +really would do. I was under the impression that everything in my human +nature which had caused me trouble would be removed in sanctification. +I had failed to see that in sanctification human desires are not taken +away but sanctified. I saw clearly that the cause for the most of my +troubles was that I had failed to discriminate between carnality and +humanity. + +While I was consecrating, the Lord spoke to me, not audibly but by his +Spirit, and asked me if I was willing to go to Denmark with the gospel. +I was able to surrender on all points but this one, seeing that going +to a foreign country would conflict with all my plans for the future. +I felt very much like Abraham when he went to Mount Moriah with his only +son to offer him there upon God's altar. But seeing that this was the +only way and desiring to obtain the experience, I surrendered, placed +all on the altar, and immediately I was sanctified and baptized with the +Holy Ghost. Praise the Lord! + +There were no outward demonstrations, no special manifestations of the +power of God; but the Holy Ghost, being enthroned in my heart, gave me +a power over the world and self which I had not experienced heretofore. +This glorious experience I have now enjoyed for several years, and +it never was more precious to me than it is at the present time. +Halleluiah! + + +GOING TO A FOREIGN COUNTRY + +For a while I did not think more about my call to the work of God in +Europe, but there was a deep longing in my soul to see people saved, +and whenever time permitted I would do all the personal work I could, +distributing literature, visiting people in their homes, helping in +meetings, etc. + +My parents being Danish, they naturally made me think more of the +Scandinavian people than I otherwise would have thought, and my heart +was often burdened that this glorious truth might be brought to them. +These thoughts I kept to myself, speaking only to God about the matter. +At last the burden became so heavy that I opened my heart to a minister +in whom I had very much confidence, and he told me that a year before +that time the Lord had clearly shown that I should go to Denmark with +the gospel. + +Next I opened my heart to my parents. Naturally they felt sorry that I +should leave them, but in another sense they were glad to see me enter +the work of the Lord. The Lord had revealed to my mother the evening of +my conversion that I should preach the gospel, but she did not think +that my field of labor would be in a foreign country. + +An older minister, who had for some time been thinking of going to +Scandinavia, asked me if it would not be possible for me to accompany +him; and when the matter was brought before the church, it was finally +decided that I should go. We sailed from New York Dec. 18, 1909, and +arrived in Denmark, Jan. 3, 1910. This brother and his wife stayed with +relatives, while I made my home with different people, some of them +unsaved; and the most disagreeable thing that I met at the beginning +was that I was often obliged to stay in homes where I knew I was not +welcome. But in all the trials and disappointments there was one thing +that especially encouraged and comforted me, and that was that I knew +God had sent me to Scandinavia. + +I shall never forget the first time God gave me a little favor among +the people. An old gentleman expressed his desire to have me give my +testimony after the sermon. I was at that time unable to express my +thoughts in the Danish language, but in my heart I carried a very heavy +burden for the people. With this burden on my soul I arose, and the +feelings I could not express in words I expressed in tears. That evening +four souls came to the altar and were gloriously saved. From that time +on my services were in demand, and it was not long until a goodly number +sought the Lord in the meetings. + +About a year from this time a Baptist minister asked me to come to his +town and hold a four days' meeting. After earnestly praying over the +matter I decided to break my engagement at another place (something I +do not do unless specially directed of the Lord) and to hold these +meetings. Instead of holding four meetings, I held one hundred and +thirty meetings, and about one hundred souls were gloriously saved. +There were a number of young men in the town who determined that they +would break up the meetings, but we asked them to come and take part in +the song-service, which generally commenced about a half hour before the +preaching-service. Often the stores would be closed early in order that +the people might be able to attend the meetings, and it was not long +until nearly all the young men of the town were sitting on the front +seats listening to the word with tears in their eyes. + +An intoxicated man, who was sent out by a saloon-keeper to make +disturbance, attacked me in front of the congregation. A young man who +also was under the influence of liquor but who was in sympathy with the +work I was doing, stepped to my side and offered to defend me with his +fist. In anger he said to the other man, "I want to tell you that we are +not going to let you disturb =our= meetings." I tried to calm them, but +in spite of all I did, the man was unmercifully treated as soon as he +got outside by the people whose sympathies had been won by the gospel. + + +PERSECUTED FOR THE GOSPEL'S SAKE + +The saloon-keeper mentioned above, who almost failed in business because +of the revival, tried to work out a plot against me. He had a friend +who lived in the State of Michigan, to whom he wrote for information +concerning my life. This man wrote back: "The minister who is preaching +in your town is a professional white-slave trader, and has escaped the +authorities here in America and fled to Europe." This letter was taken +to the officials in Denmark, and immediately I was arrested. One of the +best detectives in the kingdom and several state officials were working +on the case. A number of impressions were taken of my fingers and my +picture was hung up in police stations among those of professional +thieves and criminals. + +A very bitter persecution also broke out in the Scandinavian press. +Among the people I was generally known as "The Prophet." My aunt and +cousin in Copenhagen were nearly dumbfounded one day, when, as they +passed one of the large printing-houses in the city, they saw on the +news bulletin of a prominent daily in large bold type, which could be +read at a long distance, the following: + + "The Prophet Morris Johnson--White-Slave Trader--Baptized + Naked Women--Stole Church's Money-Box--Went to America + with Fifty Young Girls and Sold Them to the Houses of + Ill-Fame--Escaped the Hands of the Authorities." + +None of these things were true, however; but wherever I went I was +carefully watched by the authorities. My name was associated with the +most ignoble, immoral, and dishonorable things, and the matter was given +such publicity that I could not board a train or a steamer without its +being made known to those around me. + +Finally the people of God to whom I had been preaching considered it +their duty to encourage me to appeal to the law for protection, one +brother offering to spend five thousand crowns on the case. This I could +not do, for it would have conflicted with my Christian principles; but +at last I saw that the only way I could satisfy them was to do something +to prove that I was not guilty of the accusations. + +Accordingly I went to Copenhagen, spoke to the United States Minister +and to a prominent lawyer about the matter. They encouraged me to take +up a law suit against the parties who had so inhumanly treated me, but +feeling that I should grieve God by doing so, I decided to patiently +suffer, knowing that God would stand by me and that in the end his name +would be glorified. I must admit that had it not been for the fact that +the people of God were praying for me and that God in a special way +comforted and strengthened me, I should not have been able to stand +through this trial. + +About three months after the time I had been in Copenhagen, a state +official published in the paper an article in which he made known to the +public that after a thorough examination of my case they were satisfied +that I was innocent and was worthy of the moral support of the people. + + +REVIVALS + +I am glad to say that this persecution resulted in a wonderful outbreak +of spiritual life in Scandinavia. Hundreds of people came out to the +meetings and a large number of souls were saved. The State Bishop, a +very influential man, was called upon to oppose the meetings. In a +public discourse he mentioned my name twenty times, but this only +aroused a greater curiosity in the hearts of the people to hear the +word, and in this way people were brought under the influence of the +gospel who would never have been reached any other way. + +I shall never forget an experience I had in a revival in Hjorring, +Denmark. We had rented a large hall, and the first evening there were +about five hundred people present. I had been passing through some very +hard trials just before this meeting, but the trial reached its climax +as I stood before that audience. I did not feel the help of the Holy +Spirit at all as I was preaching. I went to my room that evening with +a heavy heart and spent some time on my knees in earnest prayer. + +Later it was made clear to me why God permitted me to pass through this +trial. The following Sunday evening the power of the Holy Spirit was +poured out upon that audience in such a measure that it was almost +impossible for the people to resist it. There were about 750 people +present, and most of them stayed for the altar-service. There was not +room at the altar for those who wanted to seek God, so the people fell +on their knees and began to pray, and all over the hall one could hear +sinners crying to God for mercy. Many of them were saved. The meeting +did not close until after midnight. I then saw that the reason why God +had permitted me to pass through that test was that he might prepare me +for the great blessing presently to be poured out upon the meeting. + + +ALL-NIGHT MEETING + +In Lokken, Denmark, the people of God gathered one evening for a +special meeting. The word of God became so precious to us that we +could not leave the place. A large number testified and after midnight +we had an ordinance-meeting, which was followed by a sermon, and +that by an altar-call. Several came forward and sought the Lord for +sanctification, and a few who were so much interested that they could +not leave, came and were saved. The altar-service was broken up when a +brother came in and exclaimed, "Hurry up, or you'll miss the train." +This was the morning train, which left at five o'clock. The good work +continued at this place, and there were open doors for me to preach the +gospel in all parts of the kingdom where before warnings had been +published against me. + + +MEETING A PHILOSOPHER + +During my stay in Copenhagen it was my privilege to become acquainted +with an educated young man, a doctor of philosophy, who had been +influenced by higher critics, such as have doubted the miraculous +accounts given in the Holy Scriptures. When I was introduced to him, I +noticed that he thought it would not be very difficult for him to weaken +my faith and confidence in regard to religious matters. He immediately +expressed his desire to have some private talks on religious questions, +to which I gladly consented, but greatly feeling my need of special +wisdom and grace from God. We would often sit up until after midnight, +but I enjoyed these conversations and discussions, for they gave me an +understanding of the position that such persons generally take in regard +to religion. + +One evening he accompanied me to the country, where I held a meeting in +a private home. About fifteen minutes after I had entered the pulpit, I +noticed that a deep conviction settled down upon him. Tears filled his +eyes, and he was unable to hide his emotions. One night at one-thirty +in the morning he said to me: "I have a question I want to ask you. I +have had your life under my microscope for a while and have come to the +conclusion that you are one of the happiest and most contented young men +I have ever met. Still I have noticed that you have no interest whatever +in the enjoyments and pleasures that other young men of your age seem to +be so taken up with. Tell me, what is the source of your happiness?" My +reply was, "The source of my joy and happiness is the Christ that you +are trying to deny." Tears filled his eyes, and he said to me, "In my +public lectures and discourses and with my pen I have tried to influence +people against Christianity, but now I have found that Christianity can +satisfy and make happy; so I will never use my influence in that way any +more." I did not have the privilege of seeing this young man converted, +but I am sure that some day I shall meet him in heaven. + + +TRUSTING THE LORD + +When I entered the gospel field, I decided that I should trust God to +supply all my needs. My father upon bidding me good-by said, "Now, my +son, if you ever need help financially, you must let me know, and I +shall be glad to help you." I thanked my father, but told him that he +should not feel under obligations to me more than to any other +missionary and that it was my intention to trust God. + +I paid my own fare to Europe with the exception of one dollar, which +was given me by a kind brother. For a while I got along well, for I +had a little personal money; but the time came when I needed help. I +especially remember one occasion when I needed some means. I prayed +and wept before the Lord as a child before its father, asking the Lord +what he was going to do with me now. After I had prayed a while, the +Lord assured me that my prayer was heard. Two days later I received a +money-order from a brother in South Dakota and was able to meet all my +obligations and even had some to spare. Praise the Lord! + +Another time during my stay in Norway I needed a certain amount of money +and began to pray to God concerning the matter. The amount needed was +about twenty dollars. A few days from that time I received a money-order +for eleven dollars from some one in Copenhagen from whom it would have +been altogether unreasonable for me to expect financial help. But this +person wrote that God had made it clear that this money should be sent +to me. I also received a letter from a man in America with a money-order +for ten dollars. He wrote: "I am sending you ten dollars, and feel that +I must send it off immediately. Hope you will receive it in time." My +needs were supplied, and you can be sure I was a happy man. I have +learned by experience that there is no life happier or nobler than the +life that is fully surrendered and consecrated to God. + + + + +The Secret of a Perfect Life + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 6 + + +A little more than half a century ago I drew my first breath of life. It +was a day in early May, so I have been told: the sun was shining, the +birds were singing, and the early flowers were in bloom. It is not to be +supposed that my environment in life's early hour had any influence upon +the passions of my soul; nevertheless, from my earliest recollection I +have been an ardent lover of the esthetical in nature. Many of the days +of my childhood were spent wandering through the fields in the bright +sunshine, admiring and culling the flowers; rambling through the leafy +wood, listening with glad heart to the songs of birds; or sitting on the +mossy bank of the rippling brooklet delighted by the music made by its +crystal waters as they played among the rocks. + +But the happy, innocent days of childhood do not last always: the sun +does not always shine, nor the birds sing; neither do the flowers always +bloom along our way. Oh, if we could only have been overlooked--many of +us have thought in the dreary days of after-life--by Father Time and +been left behind to be always in the green, sun-lit fields of childhood, +how happy we should have been! But it was not so; and now, since I have +found the riches of grace, I am glad it was not so. No one can escape +the onward-leading hand of Time. He will lead us, despite our protests, +into days where the sun has ceased shining, where the birds have flown +to a more genial clime, and where the flowers have faded. As our +much-loved poet has said, + + "Into each life some rain must fall-- + Some days must be dark and dreary." + +My life has been a confirmation of these words. + + +MY FIRST SIN + +Among the recollections of my early childhood, one is more deeply +impressed on my mind than any other, so deeply and firmly stamped that +the many and varied experiences of fifty years have failed to make it +less clear and distinct to the vision of memory than it was the day it +occurred. It was the committing of a sin. It may have been my first +wilful transgression, but, however that may be, it was one that caused +an awful sense of guilt to come into my heart, and I trembled, as it +were, in an unseen presence. No one had ever spoken to me of God, of +shunning the wrong, or of doing the right, except my mother (sweet +today is my memory of her); so I carried my trouble to her, and in her +presence the tempter led me into falsehood, so that I was made more +wretched than before. + + +GETTING DEEPER INTO SIN + +The days sped on; and after a few years, I had won the title of "Bad +Boy." Though the sins of those youthful days (over which I prefer to +throw the relieving mantle of forgetfulness) were dark and deep, I did +not altogether lose my love for the beautiful and the good. In those +shadowy days, a ray of sunlight would now and then break through, a +bird-note would be heard, and a fragrant flower would raise its drooping +head. In such hours, I would get a glimpse of a better life. An unseen +hand would set before me a picture of a pure life, and in my fancy I +would see myself a good man. Oh, that the dreams of those youthful days +were more perfectly fulfilled! but I must give praise to God for what he +has wrought in me. + +Many a time at the midnight hour in those youthful days, after I had +left some den of vice, there would be whisperings in my soul of a +higher, nobler life. As I, in my fancy, gazed down through the years, +the angel of goodness would shift before me bright pictures of the +different characteristics of a holy life. At this distant day, on +looking back, I am surprized to note in what trueness the Holy Spirit +set before me the ideal godly life. + +But I must be brief, as only a few pages of this work are allotted to me +in which to tell you how I found--or, rather, what I found to be--the +secret of a perfect life. + + +MY CONVERSION + +I was converted at the age of twenty-eight. A few months later, +realizing the need of a deeper spiritual life, I yielded myself a living +sacrifice to God, and he gave me the desire of my heart. Bless his name! +To tell you the joy of my soul in these experiences, is immeasurably +beyond the power of my pen. The happiness of a pure life fancied in +the day-dreams of my youth were more than realized. Although I was of +a highly imaginative mind, the joy my heart found in the riches of +redeeming grace was numberless times greater than the fancied joys +pictured to my mind in my boyhood hours. + +My heart now flowed out in a gushing stream of love to God, and my mind +glowed with thoughts of him. It was the poet Milton who said: "As to +other points, what God may have determined for me, I know now; but this +I know--that if he ever instilled an intense love of moral beauty into +the breast of any man, he has instilled it into mine. Ceres, in the +fable, pursued not her daughter with a greater keenness of inquiry than +I, day and night, the idea of perfection." And I think the same was true +of me. + +Early in my religious life I became conscious that the law of +development is written in the Christian heart, and that this law, if +given full scope, will raise us year after year into higher degrees of +perfection. The Holy Spirit revealed to me also at this time the secret +of attaining to this perfect life by a natural growth in grace day after +day. In love and humility lies the secret of a perfect and successful +Christian life. The earnestness with which we seek God is in proportion +to our love for him. Just as truly as the seven colors are woven +together in one white ray of sunlight, so truly are the laws of a +perfect life gathered up and fulfilled in the life of those who love +God. "Love is the fulfilling of the law." No man can escape the effect +of breaking a law of love. What fragrance is to the flower, obedience is +to love. Any act of unfaithfulness to God or man sounds a false note on +the golden harp of love. He who loves truth intensely will dwell with +truth; he who loves purity of thought will think only on things that +are pure. Vain thoughts will he hate. He who loves learning will seek +after learning and just to that intensity of his love for it. He who +loves home will dwell at home as much as possible, and home will become +sweeter home. He who loves God will dwell with God, will seek after God, +thereby strengthening his affection for God and daily growing into his +perfection. + + +HUMILITY NEEDED + +But love alone will not suffice; humility is needed that love may be +rightly directed. If humility be lacking, love unconsciously begins to +center in self. With a feeling of shame I confess that twice in my life +since becoming a Christian, I have lost the ballast of humility so that +love went astray. I thought to love God and be faithful; I thought that +I was attaining to greater love; but to my surprize, when the Holy +Spirit set my heart before me in the clear light of pure love, I found +within that awful, ghastly, defiling principle of self-love. + +If your soul loves the perfect life, "humble yourself under the hand of +God" and "keep yourself in his love." After years of experiences and +some sad failures, I have found, with a greater certainty than ever, +that love ballasted by humility is the secret of a happy, holy life. I +trust that during the remaining days of my life my soul shall flourish +like the palm-tree, and grow strong like the cedars of Lebanon, and that +I shall develop into that greater fulness of God--into a more perfect +image of him. + +Today I know that "God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth +in God, and God in him." As my inner man is renewed day by day, to my +spiritual eyes the ideal perfect life grows in loveliness. As I journey +on toward the setting of life's sun, I can see farther into the beyond, +catch clearer glimpses of unseen things, hear more distinctly the songs +of angels, scent in greater sweetness the fragrance from the flowers +that grow in that celestial land, and feel the beauty of the Lord +growing upon me. I have passed through the furnace flames; but God has +brought me through, and he will bring you through. + + +A PERFECT IDEAL + +Have there been times in your life when a glowing feeling crept into +your heart and you beheld a vision of ideal perfection? Oh, be "obedient +to the heavenly vision," remembering this, that the secret of approach +to your ideal is love and humility. Humility will keep you in the right +path as love hurries you on after your ideal. Neither the rocks, the +thorns, the waves, nor the furnace flames, retard the lover in his race +for a perfect life when the vision is kept clear before his soul. Have +you made failures? So have I--greater failures, perhaps, than any you +have made or ever will make; but the God who transforms the caterpillar +into the butterfly will transform you into his perfect image if you only +love him intently and be submissive to all his will. + + + + +Conversion of a Young Jewish Rabbi + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 7 + + +I was born in an orthodox Jewish family. When I was but four years of +age, my parents took me to England and put me in charge of the late +Rabbi Horowitz of London to fully teach me the basis of rabbinical life. +At the age of seventeen years I completed my course of instruction as a +fully legalized rabbi, but was too young to take the responsibilities of +a district or synagog. At that time I returned to the United States and +soon drifted into socialism and became a socialist orator, traveling +from city to city and State to State, until I left the first principles +of my rabbinical teaching. + +While traveling through Canada I became acquainted with an anarchist and +partly accepted his belief. I strayed so far away from my early teaching +that from time to time while speaking, I would hold up my Hebrew Bible +and tear it to pieces, cursing God and denying that there was a God. +I really became so hardened that I almost believed in my heart that +there was no God. + +On the twenty-sixth day of October, 1907, I came to Chicago, and while +I was speaking that night on the platform, holding the Hebrew Bible, +tearing it, and ready to curse God, there came a sudden strong voice, +as it were, and, to my surprize, repeated to me the following words: +"They shall look upon me whom they have pierced, and they shall mourn +after him as one mourneth for its only begotten, and they shall be in +bitterness after him as one is in bitterness after his first-born." + +While I listened to this, I thought that some one was behind the +platform speaking these words. I looked behind the platform, but could +find no one. When I resumed my speech, the voice came again speaking the +same verse, and I became almost paralyzed for a while. After the meeting +was over, as I walked toward my apartments, I heard the voice for the +third time, speaking to me in stronger terms than ever. The miserable +feelings came stronger and stronger. In fact, I began to look for peace +to my conscience, but did not know how to find it. In this trouble of +soul, no one among all the orators, Jewish rabbis, or religious people +of different denominations came up to tell me how to do better nor to +give me advice. + +I left Chicago for New York, but could not find rest. The words of +that voice never left me day or night. One night, while walking the +streets of New York looking for something to comfort me, I saw a sign +reading, "Men Wanted for the United States Army." At nine o'clock +the next morning I went to the recruiting-station and asked for an +application-blank. The man at the station thought it strange that a Jew +would come to enlist, but he gave me an application-blank. I filled it +out and was examined and sent to Ft. Slocum, New York, where I was sworn +in for three years' faithful service for the United States Army. After I +enlisted I began to look for peace; but the more I looked, the worse and +more trouble came to me. In fact, persecutions from different soldiers +were very bitter because I was a Jew and did not do what they were doing. + +While in Ft. Slocum I contracted fever and was taken to a hospital. From +Ft. Slocum I was sent to Ft. Sill, Oklahoma, where I was assigned to +Battery B, First Field Artillery. There was only one Jewish man besides +me amongst over three hundred Roman Catholics, and they believed in +making things hot for us, so the more I looked for peace the worse +misery and persecutions I found. + +On Decoration Day, 1908, they were playing football, and after the game +they went into the kitchen, procured large butcher knives, and came out +to cut the "sheenies" up. When we saw them coming with the knives, we +ran into the tailor-shop and locked ourselves in, hiding underneath +mattresses between the covers. They broke the door, but through +Providence they could not find us. Then for the first time since I had +embraced socialism I began to think there was a God, since our lives +were so spared. + +On the sixth of June we went bathing in the Red River on the +reservation, and the boys came and turned us head down and feet up in +the water and wanted to drown us, but it seemed that through Providence +I was once more saved from being destroyed by these blood-thirsty men. +Upon our return, we found the tailor-shop flooded. This was reported to +the commander, but no action was taken in regard to this or any other +case of persecution. + +We decided to desert the army after pay-day. When pay-day came, I had +coming to me about $200 from the tailor-shop and $13 as pay for the +month from the army, but out of the $200 I collected only about $70. +That afternoon we walked to Lawton, Oklahoma, to get the train from +there to St. Louis. Upon our arrival at St. Louis, the other man got a +job, and I wrote to my uncle in Chicago, who sent me a ticket to come +to Chicago. When I arrived there, he advised me to go to Canada and +said that he would support me all the time that I was there, as they +would apprehend me in the United States for a deserter. + +I went to Canada, but was still in much distress. Some time later I +had a desire to leave Vancouver, British Columbia, and go over the +border into the State of Washington, but went under the assumed name of +Friedman. While under that name I looked for a position, but could not +find one; so I cabled to my parents for money and two weeks afterward I +received enough money to open up a little store. I took for my next name +Feldman. I opened a book-store, but within three months I lost almost +$3,000. Then I left Seattle, Washington, for Tacoma under the name Gray. + +Three weeks later I left Tacoma for Portland, Oregon, under the name of +Grayson, where I looked up a friend of mine. He was at that time manager +of the Oregon Hotel. The next morning I was more miserable than ever +before and thought that I was sick. The night preceding I related to my +friend all my troubles, with the exception of my being a deserter from +the army. + +While I was looking for a charity physician who could give me something +to relieve my distress and trouble, I found a Salvation Army man and +asked him if he knew of any physician who worked for charity and would +give me treatment. He told me that he had a friend who was a physician +and who was a lover of Jewish people. This was the first time that I +ever heard that a Christian loved a Jew. + +I went to the office of the doctor, whose name was Estock, and he gave +me a cordial welcome. Putting his right hand on my right wrist and his +left hand around my neck, he said that he loved the Jews because his +Savior was a Jew and that he was glad God had sent me to his office in +answer to his prayers. I was dumbfounded and unable to answer. The +doctor said, "You do not need a physician for your body, but you need +the Lord Jesus to heal your soul, for your trouble is with your soul, +and the Lord Jesus is able to save you from your distress and troubles." +He gave me a little bottle and said: "Here is a little medicine, but you +do not need it. The only thing that will help you is prayer, and I will +'phone to my wife and ask her to pray for you, and I will also pray for +you. This will be the only way you will get peace." + +The next morning as I was offering my thanks to him he said, "Do not +thank me, but thank God that he sent his only begotten Son, that through +him such poor unworthy people as we should be saved through his love." + +"What can this mean?" I answered. "Is there a God that will love such a +man as I am?--a man who curses him? a man that stamped his Bible under +his feet and fought against him? Is it true that he will love me so?" + +The doctor answered, "He died for such men as you, that he might +save you." He further said: "My house belongs to the Lord, and I owe +everything to him. The God of Abraham and Isaac is my God, and the +God of David and also the Prophets. He is my God, and he is your God, +whether you want him or not; and I beg you to come with me to my house." + +"It is impossible for me to go into your house," I answered, "because I +do not believe that there is a God, and if there is one, I am unworthy +to go into such a house." + +He pleaded with me further to go, and I went with him. I lived at the +doctor's house for thirty days. We had the strongest arguments on +Scriptures, he trying to prove to me that Jesus is the Messiah that came +to save his people from sin. I contradicted every word of his with the +Old Testament Scriptures. + +On the thirtieth day in the doctor's house I was more vile than ever +before. I got up in the morning looking for the first chance to get +even with the doctor because of his persistence in mentioning the Lord +Jesus on every occasion. When I came down-stairs, they were ready for +breakfast. I sat at the table brewing within myself, full of hatred, +malice, and bitterness against them because of their holding up to +me the Lord Jesus as my only Savior. While at the table I could not +withhold my bitterness, and when they read the Scriptures after the +meal, I began to laugh, mock, and curse, calling them all kinds of +vile names. + +While I was doing this they went down on their knees to pray as they did +every morning. Looking up to me, the doctor said, "My friend, if you +will not respect God nor respect me as your only and personal friend +in the city, for the Lord's sake respect this house, for this house is +consecrated unto God." + +These words sank deep into my heart, and I kneeled down still with +bitterness in my heart against Jesus and the doctor. While I was down +on my knees, I was cursing, mocking at them and their Lord. The doctor +prayed first, then his wife, and then his little boy, who said, "Lord +Jesus, you have promised to save him; won't you save him?" + +These words broke my heart, and I began crying, "If there is a God, come +and prove yourself." The carpet around me was wet with the tears which +I had shed in crying for God to come and prove himself. I felt within +myself a love for the Lord Jesus and soon had a living faith that the +Lord Jesus died for me and that through his death I was saved. After I +rose from my knees, the doctor, his wife, and the little boy stood with +eyes full of tears, rejoicing with me that there was power in the blood +of Jesus Christ to save such a vile sinner as I was. + +One hour later I left the house of the doctor to tell my friend, the +manager of the hotel, that the Lord Jesus was now my Savior and that he +had saved me from my sins. He took a heavy chunk of wood and hit me on +my right side, nearly breaking my ribs. + +I said, "May God forgive you for this and not hold it against you," +while the tears were streaming down my face. This is the first time in +my life that I ever said to any one, "May God bless you!" Then I said to +him, "If it were only yesterday that you had done this to me, I would +have killed you; but now the Lord Jesus has taken anger out of my heart, +and I will endeavor to pray for you that God may have mercy upon you." +Walking out of his hotel crippled as I was and holding my side with my +hand, I said again, "God bless you!" + +While walking down the street, I saw a company of mission workers on the +corner of Jefferson and Washington Avenues. I pushed myself through the +crowd, seeing that there were some Jews there, and I began to preach +to my own people for the first time that the only way of salvation is +through the Lord Jesus Christ. In answer, there came rotten eggs and +rotten tomatoes at my head and body until I was covered from head to +foot. + +After the meeting I walked on singing a song and rejoicing that the Lord +Jesus had seen fit to save such a poor sinner as I was. Thus ended my +first day as a convert. I thank God for the first pay I ever received in +the gospel--a crippled side and rotten eggs. I continued to preach the +gospel to my people in Portland for several days. + +Three days after my conversion, while I was on my knees praying, it +occurred to me that I had better write to my relatives and tell them +what love the Lord Jesus had for me, and that he had died to save them +as well as me, and that he was the only true Messiah. I reasoned for +several days against this; but at last I had to write, because I saw +that the Lord was on one side and my relatives on the other side, and +that I had to choose between them. So I wrote to them, sending to each a +separate letter telling them that Jesus was my Savior and that he is the +only and true Messiah. + +Sometime after this, answer came from my relatives that they could not +believe that there was any power to save me, because, if I could leave +my first principles and leave my own people, the teaching which I was +brought up under and drift so far away as to curse God, they did not +believe there was any power to save me. I kept sending them Testaments +and Gospels, but still they could not believe. + +One day I went to see my sister and told her the truth. She at first did +not believe me, but I asked her to attend a street-meeting which I was +to hold, and she heard me preach Christ. She then wrote to my mother, +who began to grieve herself to death because I had accepted the Lord +Jesus for my Savior. Then they wrote me different letters and were +patient with me, thinking that they would win me back to Judaism. When +they saw there was no hope of getting me back, they were done with me. + +On one occasion while standing in the street and preaching, there came +a thought to me with great force, "If the authorities get you for a +deserter, what will you do?" This question troubled me so that I could +not continue my meetings. I went to the doctor's office and said to him, +"Dr. Estock, do you know what they do to a person that has deserted the +United States Army?" + +"They give him three or four years in the military penitentiary," he +answered. + +"Do you know that I am a deserter from the United States Army?" + +He looked at me puzzled and said, "How can this be?" + +"It is true, and I must give myself up to the army authorities before +they get me and disgrace my belief in the Lord Jesus." + +I proposed giving myself up the next day, but the doctor told me to be +in no haste and said he would ask several people of God to pray for me +to learn what the mind of God was before I took another step. After a +few days they came to the conclusion that they would send me to Canada, +where I should be out of the jurisdiction of the United States and +should be free. Thinking that this offer was of the Lord, I accepted it +and left for Toronto, Canada. Upon my arrival at Toronto I felt the Lord +speaking to me and saying, "The more you run away from my law, the more +miserable you will feel. Go back to the United States." + +This was while I was in the hotel at night and could not sleep. I felt +very miserable to know that the step I had taken in coming to Toronto +was not God's will and in his order. I had only $3.10 in my possession. +In the morning I went to the ticket-office to inquire how much it cost +to go to Buffalo. They told me it would cost $3.10. I then purchased a +ticket for Buffalo. When I arrived I telegraphed to the doctor, stating +that I was glad that I had come back to the United States to give myself +up to the army authorities. The doctor replied by telegraph, stating +that I was out of God's will and order in coming back to the United +States to give myself up, and that therefore he could not have +fellowship with me any more. Bitterly weeping over the message, I said +to myself, "Now the only friend I have is gone." But this promise +encouraged me, that my God would never turn against me nor forsake me. +There I was, left without a friend and without money in my pockets to +procure a night's lodging. + +As it was bitterly cold, I prayed to the Lord that he would send +somebody along that would take me home with him. As I was praying, a man +passed by, and I asked him if he knew whether there was any child of God +in the city. He said a woman who was his neighbor was a child of God, +and he took me to her home. It was true that she was a child of God and +her home a godly one. + +Soon after this I went to Pittsburg, and the Lord opened up the hearts +of a few Jewish people, who sent me to Washington. As I walked up to +the barracks, fear came over me, and I decided to go to Baltimore, +where I remained with a Jewish missionary until the last of April. +Then I returned to Washington, went to the commanding officer, +Lieutenant-Colonel Langfitt, and told him why I was giving myself up. + +He said: "Are you a Jew and a believer in Jesus? Are you willing to give +yourself up for his sake? Do you know what it means to give yourself up? +It means three or four years in the penitentiary and to be dishonorably +discharged." + +I told him that I would gladly do anything to make this matter right +before man and before God. + +"I am also a Jew," he replied, "and I do not know how you can believe +in Jesus and suffer these things for his sake." + +Then he doubted my being a deserter. I begged him to put me in the +guard-house and to go and investigate the matter. + +He said, "I wish that I had the power to set you free now; but you are +too honorable a man to call the guard to take you to the guard-house, +and so I will walk there with you myself." + +Upon coming to the guard-house, he called the sergeant of the guard and +said, "Sergeant, do not search this boy, for I know that he will not +take in anything but that which is lawful." + +He then asked me whether I wanted to stay in the big cell with the rest +of the prisoners or go into one small cell by myself. I asked him for +one by myself so that I might study the Bible. + +When he was bidding me good-by, he said: "For the first time I shake +a prisoner's hand, and I must say that I do not look upon you as a +prisoner but as the most honorable man that we have in this post, and I +must confess that you have done a most honorable thing in the sight of +man and God, and I will help you with all that lies within my power to +make everything easy for you." + +The next morning the lieutenant-colonel came into the guard-house asking +for me. When I came near the door, he reached out his hand and grasped +mine, saying, "Neither my wife nor I have slept during the night, and +I have decided to recommend you for a year's clemency, so that you will +have only two years to serve." + +It did not sound very good to me, but I went into the guard-house and +prayed. The thought came to me, "Can you not trust the Lord to carry you +through all these difficulties?" I said to myself, "Yes, I leave all in +the hands of the Lord." + +After a few weeks the court was detailed. The president of the court +was Captain Koester, who, I was informed, was an infidel. The next man +of his court, Captain Ottwell, was a Christian Scientist, and the rest +of the court, including eleven officers, were Roman Catholics. They +detailed Lieutenant Rockwell to be my counsel for defense. He came up +to the court-house and said: + +"You are a Jew, are you not?" + +"Yes." + +"And you believe in Jesus Christ, do you not?" + +"Yes." + +"I have no use for Jews, especially for a turncoat, and I will see that +you get the limit of the court." + +This broke me all up, and I said, "Lieutenant, if you can, God will let +you go ahead." + +I then walked into my cell and knelt down to pray, broken-hearted. The +scripture came to me, "Fear them not; for I the Lord thy God shall fight +for you." I rejoiced to know that the Lord was fighting my battles and +that he would do it well. Thirteen days afterwards I was tried. + +When I came to the court, the lieutenant came to me with a piece of +paper in his hand and said: "I am sorry for the words which I spoke to +you, but I have suffered for them, and with God's help I will recommend +you to clemency. The same Lord that saved you has also saved me." + +The judge of the court asked me what I would plead to the charge. + +"I plead guilty to the charge of desertion and violation of the +forty-seventh article of war." + +He asked me again if I knew what it meant to plead guilty. I answered +that I knew. + +He then asked me what my plea on the specification of the forty-seventh +article of war was. + +"Guilty," I answered. + +He said to the court, "I want to make plain to this boy the solemnity of +these charges, that he may know the consequences thereof." He then asked +me if I had any pleas to make. + +I told him no, and repeated the scripture that the Lord had given me: +"Fear them not; for I the Lord thy God shall fight for you." I said, +"I fear you not, for my Lord will fight for me and will deliver me." + +Then the counsel for the defense arose and made this statement: + +"Fellow Officers: You all know what a bitter man I was against the Jews. +You know that I was not going to make any plea, but to let this boy get +all that the court could give him, and be sorry afterwards that the +court could not give him more. But the same God that he serves troubled +me and made me sick, as you know, until I realized that the same God +must be my God and the same Savior my Savior; and furthermore, the same +Jesus that saved this Jewish boy has saved me also." + +The court was greatly surprized, but my counsel went on further and +handed the court a paper and explained verbally the different reasons +for his pleas until tears came to the eyes of Captain Koester, Captain +Ottwell, and the different members of the court. Four of the worst +officers arose and recommended me for eighteen months' clemency and +thirteen dollars a month fine and reinstatement to duty. + +The recommendation of the court was sent to the Department Commander of +the East, Major-General Leonard A. Woods, who earnestly considered the +case, according to his statement, for several hours, not knowing what to +do. He also expressed himself by saying that if he had full power to +release me, he would gladly do so, without any punishment. Also, through +prayer and petitions to the Lord the case reached President Taft, the +Adjutant-General of the army, and then it reached Brigadier-General +Davis, who was the Judge-Advocate General of the United States Army. +They also had notified the Department Commander to be as lenient as he +could before the case had reached the War Department in Washington. + +In fifteen days after my trial, the sentence came back approved by the +Department Commander for eighteen months' clemency and thirteen dollars' +fine a month and reinstatement to duty to serve out my enlistment. + +While I was in the guard-house in Washington Barracks, District of +Columbia, serving the sentence imposed upon me for the charge heretofore +mentioned, I was sawing wood one day, when a fellow prisoner hit me with +a piece of wood behind my ear and knocked me down. About two months +later this prisoner was saved, and the other prisoners became bitter +against me, for they believed that I was the cause of the conversion of +one of the worst men in the guard-house. I learned later that a number +of the officers were converted. + +After I left the Washington Barracks, I went to Ft. Slocum, New York. +From there I was sent to Ft. Sheridan, where I was assigned to Battery +F, Fifth Field Artillery. After I had been there two days, I asked +permission of Lieutenant Osborn to hold religious services in front of +the battery. On account of its being so cold, he told me to go into the +pool-room and hold services if I thought my God was living. + +I went into the pool-room, where they were playing pool, and began to +preach the gospel. Two balls were thrown at me, and I was also hit +across the back with the thick end of a cue. They took me to the +hospital and after a short time came back and said that the Jew would +not preach Jesus Christ any more. After another week I felt impressed +to preach the gospel again. While I was preaching, the cook came out +of the kitchen with a pail of hot lard and threw it on me. I was burned +on both of my hands and arms. + +While I was at the hospital, black poison set in, and the doctor +said my arm must be cut off. I told him that I would not submit to any +operation; that as I suffered this for the gospel's sake, the Lord would +heal my arm. Five weeks later he looked at my arm, as the poison was +getting worse in my system, and he said, "If I do not cut off this arm, +you are going to die from the effects of blood-poisoning." I said that +I still had faith in God that he would heal this arm for his glory. + +"What church do you belong to?" he inquired. + +"I belong to the church of God," I answered. + +"Your arm can not heal," he replied and began to laugh. + +Several days afterward the poison had come up to my shoulder. When the +doctor saw it, he said, "The only thing to do is to cut your arm off at +the shoulder." + +I told him that I had more faith than ever in God that he would heal my +arm, even after my whole body should be poisoned. I believed that the +Lord would heal me for his glory. + +That night my fever was 104, and the doctor was called. He gave orders +to put me into a bathtub full of ice-water, but after I came out I was +much worse, and they said I could not live through the night. At five +o'clock the next morning a sudden change came and my arm turned a +yellowish color and the discharge ceased little by little. When the +doctor came, he said, "I had thought that the arm must be cut off, but +now it will get well." In two weeks I was able to use my arm as well as +ever and was again assigned to duty. + +After coming out of the hospital I preached much more the unsearchable +riches of Christ, for which at different times I was cast into prison. +The post-commander of Ft. Sheridan told me that I might just as well +use the gymnasium-hall to preach the gospel six nights in the week. +While I preached there, a number of souls were brought to the Lord. + +While I was at Ft. Sheridan, a letter came to me from my mother stating +that if I wanted to save her life I should turn back to Judaism and +forsake the impostor Jesus, and that if I would do this they would +receive me back again with full honor, as I was defiled before them +and the only means to save her life was for me to turn back from this +heathen belief. I wrote her as follows: + +"My Dear Mother: I have received your letter and thank you very much for +it. I do really love you, but my love for you now is much different than +before. I love you because the Lord Jesus loved you and died for you. +Yet if my accepting Jesus will not and can not save you from dying, then +my rejecting him will not save you either, and I can not forsake the +Lord Jesus." + +About two months later I received a cable-message saying that the last +words of my mother were, "My only son is the cause of my death." After +that period they made a burial service, took all my little belongings, +put them in a casket and buried it, and put a stone on the grave, +signifying that I died on October 29, 1908. After this they mourned for +me for eight days. Now though I am supposed to be dead to my family +and to my nation, yet I am glad that I am alive for Christ and still +preaching the unsearchable riches of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ +to my own people as well as to the other nations. The Lord has enabled +me to preach free of charge to any and every one and to give unto them +freely even as I have freely received. This scripture has been very real +to me since that time: "All things work together for good to them that +love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." + +In 1912 my father died, leaving me of his large estate five dollars to +buy a rope and soap to hang myself if I did not come back to Judaism. + +The foregoing account of my conversion has been written after nearly +seven years of experience and preaching the unsearchable riches of +Christ to my own people as well as to Gentile people in this country, +in the Islands of the Azores, in Spain, France, Germany, Italy, Syria, +Egypt, Palestine, Greece, and Austria. + +The most bitter people against the gospel I have found are my own +people. The gospel has been misrepresented to them, and they have not +been made to realize the heart experience. There are over 12,000,000 +Jewish people in this world, yet there are very few faithful and tried +missionaries amongst them to explain to them the way of salvation. +However, the comparatively little work that has been done amongst them +has met with large results despite the bitter persecution. I am deeply +encouraged and comforted to see how open and receptive they are, +although they bitterly persecute the one who comes in the name of the +Lord. Saul of Tarsus was a great persecutor of Christianity, but finally +yielded and became a true follower of Jesus Christ. + +May God help us as Christians to see our great privilege in giving the +Jews the gospel and praying for them that their blindness may depart and +that they may see that the Lord Jesus is the only way, the truth, and +the light. + + + + +Among Mohammedans in Egypt + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 8 + + +Nothing is said in the New Testament about the persons who first related +the story of the cross in Egypt. But there is a universal tradition that +the Evangelist Mark went to Egypt and preached the gospel with great +success until he was martyred for the name of Jesus Christ. His head is +believed by the Copts to have been buried in the place where the Coptic +Church in Alexandria now stands. From the records of history it is clear +that the Christian religion was carried to Egypt a few years after the +ascension of our Lord, that many in Egypt accepted the new religion +before the close of the first century, and that the numbers rapidly +increased until Egypt became Christian and churches filled the land. +Abyssinia, too, whether through the Ethiopian's return to his country +after his baptism or through others, also accepted the Christian faith, +and many of her people retain the Christian name and boldly defend a +form of Christian doctrine to this day. + +The church in Egypt, as we learn from the pages of history, passed +through the fires of persecution as other churches did in the Roman +Empire, and many suffered martyrdom for their unwillingness to deny Him +who redeemed them with his precious blood. The persecution in Egypt +especially was severe in the reign of Diocletian. Milner says on the +authority of Eusebius: "Egypt suffered extremely. Whole families were +put to various kinds of death; some by fire, others by water, others by +decollation, after horrible tortures. Some perished by famine, others by +crucifixion, and of these, some in common manner. Others were fastened +with their heads downwards and preserved alive that they might die by +hunger. Sometimes ten, at other times thirty, sixty, and once a hundred +men and women with their children, were murdered in one day by various +torments. And there was still the appearance of joy among them. They +loved Christ above all, and bravely as well as humbly met death for +Christ's sake." + +But as the years passed on, great importance was laid on fasting, +hermitage, and image-worship, and little by little they lost sight of +the merits of Christ's life, sufferings, and death. Today the majority +of the Copts are far away from the gospel purity of doctrine and +are bound with the chains of superstition, and need help to loosen +themselves from such chains that they may enjoy the light and liberty +of the gospel. + + +THE REAL CHARACTER OF ISLAM + +The population of Egypt today is 12,000,000, of which 90 per cent are +followers of Mohammed. Mohammedanism entered Egypt in 638 A.D., and +from that time it has continued to be the prevailing religion. I will +now mention briefly the ethics of Mohammedanism in order to give the +reader some idea about the pollution, corruption, brutality, and +wickedness that exist among the adherents of this false religion. + +"Islam," says Adolph Wuttke, "finds its place in the history of the +religious and moral spirit, not as a vital organic member, but as +violently interrupting the course of this history, and which is to be +regarded as an attempt of heathenism to maintain itself erect under +an outward monotheistic form against Christianity." + +The ethics of Islam bear the character of an outwardly and crudely +conceived doctrine of righteousness. Conscientiousness in the sphere of +the social relations, faithfulness to conviction and to one's word, and +the bringing of an action into relation to God are its bright points; +but there is a lack of heart-depth of a basing of the moral in love. The +highest good is the outwardly and very sensuously conceived happiness of +the individual. + +Among Islamites the potency of sin is not recognized; evil is only +an individual, not a historical, power; hence there is no need of +redemption, but only of personal works on the basis of prophetic +instruction. Mohammed is only a teacher, not an atoner. God and man +remain strictly external to and separate from each other. God, no less +individually conceived of than man, comes into no real communion with +man; and as moral, acts not as influenced by such a communion, but only +as an isolated individual. The ideal basis of the moral is faith in God +and in his Prophet; the moral life, conceived as mainly consisting in +external works, is not a fruit of received salvation, but a means for +the attainment of the same. Pious works, particularly prayer, fasting, +and almsgiving, and pilgrimage to Mecca, work salvation directly of +themselves. Man has nothing to receive from God but the Word, and +nothing to do for God but good works; of inner sanctification there +is no thought. Thus, among Islamites today we find, instead of true +humility, only proud work-righteousness. Nothing but the enjoyment of +wine, of swine-flesh, of the blood of strangled animals, and games of +chance are forbidden. + +After this summary of the real character of Mohammedan ethics, an +account of its practical teaching and effect will make the picture +more vivid to the reader, although still darker. + + +THE MOSLEM IDEA OF SIN + +Moslem doctors define sin as "a conscious act of a responsible being +against known law." They divide sin into "great" and "little" sins. +Some say there are seven great sins: idolatry, murder, false charges of +adultery, wasting the substance of orphans, taking interest on money, +desertion from Jihad, and disobedience to parents. Mohammed himself +said, "The greatest of sins before God is that you call another like +unto the God who created you, or that you murder your child from an idea +that he or she will eat your victuals, or that you commit adultery with +your neighbor's wife." + +All sins except great ones are easily forgiven, as God is merciful and +clement. What Allah (God) allows is not sin. What Allah or his Prophet +forbids is sin, even should he forbid what seems right to the conscience. +It is as great an offense to pray with unwashed hands as to tell a lie, +and pious Moslems who nightly break the seventh commandment will shrink +from a tin of English meat for fear they will be defiled by eating +swine's flesh. Oh, what ignorance! The false prophet Mohammed said: +"One cent of usury which a man takes for his money is more grievous +than thirty-six fornications, and whosoever has done so is worthy of +hell-fire. Allah is merciful in winking at the sins of his favorites +(the prophets and those who fight his battles), but is a quick avenger +of all infidels and idolaters." + + +THE LOW IDEAL OF CHARACTER OF ISLAM + +A stream can not rise higher than its source. The measure of the moral +stature of Mohammed is the source and foundation of all moral ideas +of Islam. His conduct is the standard of character. We need not be +surprized, therefore, that the ethical standard is so low among his +followers. Raymond Lull, the first missionary to Moslems, used to show +in his preachings that Mohammed had none of the seven cardinal virtues, +and was guilty of the seven deadly sins. He may have gone too far, but +it would not be difficult to show that pride, lust, envy, and anger were +prominent traits in the Prophet's character. + +To take an example, what Mohammed taught regarding truthfulness is +convincing. There are two authenticated sayings of his given in the +traditions on the subject of lying: "When a servant of God tells a lie, +his guardian angels move away to the distance of a mile because of the +badness of its smell." "Verily a lie is allowable in three cases--to +women, to reconcile friends, and in war." It is no wonder, then, that +among the Prophet's followers and imitators "truth-telling is one of the +lost arts" and that perjury is too common to be noticed. As I pass in +the streets of Cairo, many times I hear the Moslems utter the word, +b'ism Allah, "in the name of God," while the speaker knows very well +that his words are altogether a lie. + +There are certain things which the ethics of Islam allow, of which it is +also necessary to write. They exist, not in spite of Islam, but because +of Islam, and because of the teachings of its sacred book. + + +POLYGAMY, DIVORCE, AND SLAVERY + +These three evils are so closely intertwined with the Mohammedan +religion, its book, and its prophet, that they can never be wholly +abandoned without doing violence to the teaching of the Koran and the +example of Mohammed. + +A Moslem who lives up to his privileges and follows the example of their +saints can have four wives and any number of slave concubines; can +divorce at his pleasure; can remarry his divorced wives by a special, +though abominable, arrangement; and in addition to all this, if he +belong to the Shiah sect he can contract marriages for fun (metaa), +which are temporary. The Koran permits a Moslem to marry four legal +wives, and to have as many concubines, or slave-girls, as he can support. +In Turkey, Moslems call a woman cow. + +In Islam, marriage is a kind of slavery; for the wife becomes the slave +(rakeek) of her husband, and it is her duty absolutely to obey him in +everything he requires of her, except in what is contrary to the laws +of Islam. Wife-beating is allowed by the Koran. + +The other ethic, which is much worse than all the rest, is slave-trade. +According to the Koran, slavery and the slave-trade are divine +institutions. From the Koran we learn that all male and female slaves, +either married or single, taken as plunder in war are the lawful +property of the master, his chattel. Slave-traffic is not only allowed +but legislated for by Mohammedan law and made sacred by the example of +the Prophet. + +For five hundred years Islam has been supreme in Turkey, the fairest and +richest portion of the Old World, and what is the result today? The +treasury is bankrupt; progress is blocked; "instead of wealth, universal +poverty; instead of comeliness, rags; instead of commerce, beggary." + +Such are the chief tenets and religious requirements of Mohammedans in +Egypt, Turkey, and in other countries where the people believe in the +Koran. Christianity exists in Turkey by a kind of sufferance. The Turks +hate, ridicule, foster pride and passion toward Christians; the ignorant +populace are taught by their learned men to regard themselves infinitely +better than any Christian. The mosques are generally the hotbeds of +fanaticism. The usual manner of speaking of the Christian was and still +is to call him, in Turkey, "Imansig Kevour" (unbeliever); in Egypt, +"Nasrani," (Nazarene), or "Ya din el kalb," (you dog). Peace, harmony, +and happiness in the homes of Mohammedans are of a very transitory +nature. + +Mohammedans may be stedfast and unswerving in their faith and yet guilty +of some of the most heinous crimes. Having lived among them, I have +had many opportunities to learn of their treachery as well as of their +sterling qualities. The Mohammedans are in great need of the gospel of +Jesus Christ, which is a gospel of pardon, peace, purity, righteousness, +and true wisdom. + +Notwithstanding the fact that from their earliest childhood their +ideas are perverted by their traditions and false teaching, and their +consciences defiled through their vain religion, the melting power of +the Spirit of God reaches some of their hearts when the gospel of Jesus +Christ is preached. Their lives of deception bring to them many a snare, +yet from among their ranks in the Orient have come some of the most +staunch ministers of the gospel. Gross darkness once reigned throughout +the land of Egypt, and now fervent prayers are ascending to the throne +of God for the light of the gospel to drive the spiritual darkness from +the hearts of the people. + + + + +A Daughter's Faith Rewarded + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 9 + + +I was brought up by Christian parents, that is, they were strict +church-going people; but I never knew what it was to have a change of +heart, though I feared God and did at times try to draw near to him. + +It was after I graduated from school that I met those who believe in +living holy lives. I was very much impressed with them, but I did not +give my heart to God at that time. I continued to meet them and after +some months became convicted that I was a sinner and under the wrath +of God. Having attended church and Sunday-school from childhood, I had +considered myself a Christian; but when the Bible standard was lifted +up before me, I soon saw my true condition. + +One day while alone I yielded myself fully to God, and he received me +into his family. I did not know at that time, though I was very happy +in my new-found love, what a treasure I had really found; but the +eighteen years I have already spent in His service verifies to me that +the path of the righteous shineth more and more unto the perfect day. + +A spirit of love and gratitude begets a spirit of service. I wanted to +do something for God, so began visiting the sick. Soon I felt a desire +to go into the work of the Lord, but this step was much opposed in my +home, my family having had a life of worldly honor mapped out for me. I +waited, hoping a way would open for me to go, but it seemed my friends +were becoming more opposed to the life I had chosen. I was forced to +leave home against the wishes of my friends, especially my dear mother, +but I see more clearly now than I did then that God's hand was in it and +that he was leading me. + +Mother was so displeased that she took steps to disinherit me, but +afterwards, through the persuasion of others, she relented. She also +forbade me the privilege of returning home, but in this she also +relented. I wondered at this change in my dear mother, who was one of +the best of mothers, for this new life I had received seemed to have +made a great gulf between us. It certainly had made a marked change in +the once rebellious, self-willed girl, and I could not understand why my +mother, who had spent many anxious moments because of my wilfulness, was +not rejoicing instead of opposing me. I now see that my course thwarted +her worldly ambitions for me; hence the bitterness. + +I had spent a number of years working for the Master, which were +very profitable and beneficial to my soul. To me it was like God's +training-college. My mother came to visit me sometimes, vainly hoping I +would return with her. She told me that if I would just return home she +would buy me worldly vanities, such as fine dresses, etc., which I had +once loved. She could not understand when I told her I did not want them +any more. She even told me I could receive the attentions of a certain +young man who for her sake I had once refused. But that fancy also had +been removed far from me, and I praised God as I explained to her what +a change had been wrought in me. + +About one year after this my mother had a severe nervous attack. She +came to where I was living, saying that she wanted to make her peace +with God and die. Some ministers and I had prayer with her, and God +graciously pardoned her soul. Oh the joy that filled my heart when I saw +my dear mother humble herself before the Lord! She not only received +pardon, but received a divine touch in her body also. She became a bold +witness before all our friends and relatives to what God had done for +her. It seemed she could never praise him enough. Though she was a woman +of very strong character and personality, she became as gentle and +teachable as a little child. Her nature seemed to be entirely changed. +While I write this, tears of gratitude flow because of the greatness of +God's salvation. She spent a few happy months here below, and then God +took her. + + + + +Missionary Experiences in British West Indies + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 10 + + +It was a warm, sultry morning late in December. The tropical air was +scarcely fanned by a breeze. The missionary heard the peculiar tapping +of the postman at the gate and hurried to get his morning mail. He took +the single letter that was handed him, and with a pleasant nod to the +postman broke the seal as he stepped back to the veranda. + +It was a long letter; so before reading it the man sank into a chair and +glanced away to the gleaming sea; but meeting only the dazzling light +there, he let his eyes rest upon the distant blue-green mountains for +a moment. Then for some time he was occupied with the contents of this +lengthy letter. It was written in a neat, scholarly manner, and the +missionary noted it all as he read. + +As he finished reading, a bright-faced woman came through the garden +with a baby in her arms. "Come here, Jennie," he said; and his wife +came quickly to him. "Here is a letter, Jennie, that requires very +careful answering. You know how busy I am; so I will commit this into +your care. This person, a Mr. K. L. Jones, has asked many questions on +the church and other points of doctrine." He looked up as he spoke, and, +finding the baby holding out its chubby arms to him, he took it and +handed the letter to his wife. + +Thoughtfully she took it and began reading. She loved to write letters, +and this, she felt, was her special part of the work. But here she +perceived she had a task that was very difficult; for the writer, +evidently a scholar, had put forth a dozen numbered questions that must +be carefully answered or this dear soul would be hindered from walking +in the truth. God would give the needed wisdom, she knew, and she folded +the letter back into its envelope and sat meditating on the different +points he had raised. After a while, she asked: + +"How was the meeting last night?" + +"Very good! Brother Owen spoke, and he did very well indeed. He used the +text: 'Herein is my Father glorified, that ye bear much fruit; so shall +ye be my disciples.' Several came forward for help afterwards. Ah, by +the way, do you remember Sister Tilton? She was out to meeting last +night." + +"Sister Tilton? She must be a new sister!" + +"Ah, well, perhaps we did not tell you about her. This young girl came +to meeting once some time ago, but afterwards became very ill. Her folks +wanted the doctor for her, but she refused, not telling them why. But as +her sickness increased, they became alarmed and insisted on calling the +doctor. But the girl still refused the medicine. The doctor said she +would probably not live. Her people begged to know the reason for her +refusal to take the medicine, and she then said that she had been to +the church of God meeting and had been made very happy, and that she +believed if they would send for the elders of that church she should +be healed. So word came, and Brother Owen went and anointed her in +accordance with Jas. 5:14, 15. She has been getting better right along, +and tonight she was at the meeting. She is saved now and seems to have +a clear experience." + +"Thank God!" was the hearty response. "How I should have loved to be +at the meeting last night!--but for the present here is my meeting, +and here is my work," and, catching up the baby and waving the letter +happily, she ran into the house at the sound of children's voices +within. + +After the baby had been bathed and put to sleep, and the other children +were sitting quietly at play on the side veranda, Sister Patience +settled herself with her Bible at her husband's desk to answer this +important letter. Bowing her head she besought God for this soul and for +wisdom to answer his difficult questions aright. Then taking up her pen, +she began the letter. She was so glad to write; she loved writing; and +the joy of it always seemed to get into the very letters and shine back +from the pages. She addressed Mr. Jones cordially and kindly, and then +took up the substance of the letter itself. In calling his attention to +certain truths she referred to the Bible time after time, and again and +again she prayed, for the letter seemed particularly important to her. +Long she meditated over some of the knotty questions, endeavoring to +find the wisest explanation. Sometimes she was interrupted by the +children just when she most needed to be quiet; but she had learned that +interruptions often come as blessings in disguise, for often God had +given thoughts that were clearer and better when she had patiently gone +to attend to the children, and when she was free to return to her work +she had found an answer preparing itself in her mind without an effort +on her part. Thus, after several hours of close application, she +finished the letter and sent it off with a trusting spirit. + +Sister Patience hoped to receive an answer to her letter immediately, +but week after week passed, and there was no response. Dread began to +creep upon her that this soul would not accept the truth. She took him +earnestly to God many times and trusted that God would in some way +overrule. However, as four months passed and she had not heard again, +she gave him over as being no longer interested. + +Then it was that one morning there came, to her surprize, a letter in +the same fine handwriting. How cordially he wrote! He thanked her for +answering the former letter so fully and said he had been searching and +proving her answers by the Word during the long interval. And now there +were still a few points remaining that he disagreed with her upon; again +she found a few numbered questions to answer. + +These, like the first, were very shrewd, puzzling questions, and only +sagacious answers would satisfy the inquirer. Again Sister Patience +labored over the letter with prayer and meditation. Then, leaning hard +upon God, she wrote another encouraging letter setting forth expositions +of Scripture as clearly as possible. This time she invited her +correspondent to a series of meetings they were expecting to hold during +the coming winter season, when they hoped to have with them one or two +ministers from America for a short period. + +Again she waited long for an answer; but this time she did not give him +up. Several months passed, and then one of the brethren, a colporteur, +came. He had been away for several months, and Sister Patience was very +glad to see him. + +"And tell me now, Brother Delworth," she said, after the first greetings +were over, "where have you been all this time?" + +"Mostly in Arendon and Lawney. I went from Panville to Mayfield, and +from there to Paldings." + +"Paldings! You were at Paldings? Do you know one K. L. Jones?" asked +Sister Patience with great interest. + +"Ah yes, a fine old gentleman, a school-teacher. He is saved. I sold him +some books. He seems very much interested. And, by the way, he asked me +to say to you when I should see you that he hoped to come over to the +meeting next month, when the brethren are here from America. You will +hear from him soon." + +The time was drawing near for the coming of the brethren from America. +Arrangements had been made for a meeting during their stay, which would +be only for a few days. And then one day a letter came from Brother +Jones inquiring as to the date of the meeting, and saying that if +possible he should like to attend it. So again Sister Patience wrote +him, urging him to be at the meeting, if possible. + +Thus it was that during the exciting days of the meeting, when many +from different parts of the country had gathered in to meet the brethren +from America in this meeting, Sister Patience first met Brother Jones. +It happened in this way: One morning before meeting-time, she was +passing through the little sitting-room in her home, when she noticed a +fine-looking native man of venerable appearance sitting at one side of +the room. People were all about him, but he was looking over some tracts +that had been handed him. Making her way to him, she said: + +"Good morning, Brother, I have not met you before, have I?" + +"Ah, no," he said, and, quickly rising, he gave her a courteous bow. +"Can this be Sister Patience? My name is K. L. Jones, of Paldings." + +"How glad I am to meet you!" she replied. And then followed an animated +conversation in which she was able to recognize and admire the fine +qualities of his matured mind. Finally he expressed the desire to speak +with the foreign brethren himself, and so an audience was arranged +for him after the next service. Then it was, Sister Patience learned +afterwards, that Brother Jones inquired deeply into the subjects of +sanctification and baptism. Later in the day it was announced that there +would be a baptismal service early the next morning to accommodate +Brother Jones, who was to return home by an early train. + +Some years have passed since then. God has wonderfully used the dear old +brother, and a congregation has been raised up about him, who look up to +him as their pastor. These are backward mountain people where he has +labored, yet such has been his patience and faithfulness and love that +they have become established in holiness and truth. Brother Jones, as +we call him, is becoming feeble now, but he is still standing faithful +as the shepherd of this little flock, faithful unto death. + +Does it pay to use patience and prayer when dealing with precious souls? +Ah yes; eternity alone can tell all that it means. + + + + +The Rescue of an Australian Lad + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 11 + + +It was in the town of Goulbourne, New South Wales, Australia, that +I began my career in life. Until I reached the age of four years, a +prosperous father provided the comforts of a good home, but a great +change took place upon my suddenly being left fatherless. A few months +later found me in a little town on the St. Lawrence River, in the +Providence of Ontario, Canada. I had accompanied my mother to this +place, but she soon placed me with a strange family and went to a +distant city. + +As I was now separated from every family tie, life began in real +earnest. It was also the beginning of a record of many interesting and +often sad experiences extending over a number of years. In my wanderings +in different parts of Canada and in many localities of the United +States, the incidents varied all the way from being rescued from +drowning to landing in jail as a vagrant. Space forbids a detailed +account of my experience, which to me affords material for interesting +and often regretful recollection. It may, however, all be summed up and +described as analogous with the casting of an innocent infant into the +mighty Niagara River to be swept along at the mercy of the on-rushing +and maddening current, which knows no relenting, but bears its victim to +an untimely end over the brink of the mighty falls. There destruction +on the ragged rocks below awaits it unless an unseen hand should +miraculously dip into the water and save that form for life and service. + +Thank God, in his tender mercy he stretched forth his hand to rescue my +poor, lost, helpless soul from the turbulent rapids of sin when I was +seventeen years of age. He set me on the solid rock of his truth and +gave me the Holy Spirit as an eternal guide and propelling power. He has +proved to be a comforter in whom I can safely put my trust when stemming +the rising tide of unbelief and doubt. + +It is with thanksgiving that I can at the present time recount the divine +care of which I have been the object, so far in my pilgrimage through +life. I rejoice to be a partaker of the Father's love, which is pure, +warm, and changeless. There is an abiding assurance of safety so long as +I walk in the path of obedience to his will and trust implicitly in his +mighty power to keep my feet while I take steps toward the threshold of +heaven. I am grateful, also, for a soul-conviction that the most worthy, +most desirable and glorious life is the one that finds its outlet in the +glad service of love to God and discovers complete happiness in serving +others. A soul without Christ is like an idle straw driven at the mercy +of the wind, but the soul redeemed through the blood of Jesus will +experience a sweet essence that turns the unfruitful life into a garden +of unspeakable delights. + + + + +Heathen Customs in China + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 12 + + +To those who have been reared in Christian nations, it is difficult to +conceive of the vague ideas of the true worship of the Creator, that +are really bred and born into the worshipers of idols. Generation upon +generation, for thousands of years, have been taught the same form of +worship, or nearly so, until such heathen ideas and doctrines have +become just as much a part of their nature as is any other sinful +disposition. + +Having been a personal observer of a few of their customs, I shall here +be mentioning what I have seen, with a prayer that my account may at +least help the reader more fully to appreciate the access that every +worshiper of the true God has to the bountiful storehouse of blessings +provided by our Creator. + +For nearly five years I lived a short distance outside a large city in +China. Almost as far as we could see in any direction, the hills and +valleys were dotted with little mounds. (Some of the valleys, however, +were under cultivation.) How came all these little mounds, some round, +some long, some large and some small, some carefully covered over with +fresh green sod, and others greatly weather-beaten and nearly washed +away by the rains of the season? These mysterious little mounds mark the +last resting-places of thousands of Chinese. Should the mortal remains +in a mound be those of a child, little or no attention is shown it; but +should it be those of a father or a mother, the relatives who are left +behind do not fail to show great respect and attention to the spirit of +the departed one. Should they not render such attention, they believe +the spirit has power to inflict upon them great sorrow and adversity. + +Some of their methods of showing respect I have observed to be as +follows: After a body is prepared for burial, candles and incense are +kept burning, near the head and the feet; also bowls of rice and other +food, with a pair of chopsticks, are placed within easy reach, for +the use of the spirit. On the day of the funeral some one is hired to +scatter representations of paper money along the road, just ahead of the +bier. In determining the position of the coffin at the grave, great care +is taken to have the head turned directly toward some favorite temple, +that the spirit may have no trouble in finding its way there. Before the +casket is covered with sod, a religious ceremony is held in this way: +All the relatives present, beginning with the nearest kinsman, kneel +down and bow from one to three times, to the one whom they now hold +in such great esteem. Even the tiniest children are taught to thus bow +before and reverence their ancestor. This being finished, there is +then kindled, at the foot of the casket, a small fire of paper money, +by which means they believe the value thereof is transported to the +spirit-world for the use of their departed one. + +A day or two after the funeral, and on special feast-days, the near +relatives carry food to the grave and offer the food to the spirit by +placing it in bowls before the grave. They also again burn paper money +or incense. While the fire burns, and the food remains to be received by +the spirit, a woman, usually the nearest relative, kneels by the side of +the grave and begins a long-drawn-out season of lamenting and wailing +for the sorrow that has come upon her on account of the death of the +one by whose grave she is kneeling. She soon almost prostrates herself. +During this season of weeping, she enumerates over and over, all the +virtues and good qualities of the departed one, and begs him to come +back to her. She usually continues in this frenzy until some one who has +accompanied her, pulls her up, bidding her cease the wailing. The bowls +of food previously offered to the spirit are now given to the children +or carried home for others to eat. By this manner of worship the woman +is supposed to show great honor and reverence to the deceased, whether +he was her father, brother, husband, or son. + +Well do I remember the strange feelings that came over me the first few +times I witnessed from my window such a scene as I have just described. +I felt such a longing to go to the weeping woman, put my arms around +her, and comfort her sad heart. But to my utter astonishment, within +two or three minutes after all her touching lamentations she was up +laughing, talking, and having a jovial time with those about her! +Whence came those agonizing groans, and whither had they flown? Had +"He who is touched with the feeling of our infirmities" comforted her +heart? Had the God of heaven, who is a present help in every time of +trouble, stretched forth his loving hand to dry her tears of sorrow? +Ah, no; sadly enough, no. Believe me, reader, when I say that these +superstitious women worshiping the spirits of departed ones have a +form of sorrow and make a great pretense of distress, but that, in +reality, it is only a custom or habit which has been copied from their +grandmothers for generations back. This may seem hard to believe, but +one thing which convinced me the quickest was that they all have +precisely the same tune or swing to their wailing. After hearing it +once or twice, you always recognize it afterwards, wherever you are, +whether you see the person or not. It is like a recitation or song +committed to memory. There may be no signs whatsoever of sorrow +until after the woman has taken her place beside the grave, when she +immediately begins in tones that could probably be heard, on a quiet +day, a quarter of a mile away, and continues wailing in the same pitch +until some one bids her cease, when her outward appearance of sorrow +ceases as abruptly as it began. I do not mean to say that never is there +any real sorrow mingled with the outward form. There may be, but it is +the outward form which constitutes the worship and which every woman +seems to know how to perform when the occasion presents itself. + +Now permit me to tell something concerning the worship of idols. +Originally, I had the idea that the inside arrangement of a heathen +temple was very much the same as that of a Christian chapel; namely, +that seats were orderly arranged for the worshipers and that the idols +would be standing in the front where the pulpit should be. But upon +my first visit to a temple, I saw that I was mistaken. At or near the +temple door stand two very large, fierce-looking idols, known as guards +of the temple. Arranged all around the sides are numerous other idols, +of various kinds and sizes. But in the center of the building stands +one or more large idols, who are supposed to impart different kinds +of blessings to the worshiper. Standing near by are a number of +incense-pots, from which ascends smoke continuously on worship-days. +On the floor can be seen a number of thick, round mats, on which the +worshipers kneel as they bow before the idols. They do not have fixed +hours of worship and all assemble at the appointed time, but at any time +throughout the day few or many may go in and bow before whatever idols +are supposed to bestow the kinds of blessings desired. The idol is not +supposed to give out the blessing at the time the worshiper bows before +him, as some readers may have believed. For instance, at the beginning +of a new year, if a man bows before the god of wealth, he does not +expect the idol to hand out money to him, but rather he expects that +during the coming year he shall have financial prosperity. + +I remember once seeing a father bow before an idol, then take his three +little children, one by one, show them how to kneel upon the mat, fold +their little hands, and bump their heads several times upon the floor +in front of the hideous idol, of which the little ones were afraid. The +father noticed that I was observing closely the procedure. When it was +all finished, he looked at me with a smile, as if to say, "Didn't they +do well?" + +These things can not but make sad the heart of a child of God. Catching +a glimpse now and again of a bit of real idol-worship helps one to +realize that the church, in evangelizing the world, has indeed a mighty +undertaking. From a human standpoint, it may seem impossible, but with +God all things are possible. + + + + +Deliverance from Discouragements and Extremism + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 13 + + +Along the narrow way that leads to heaven, the Christian meets with many +experiences that to him seem strange and inexplicable. That at times +he should walk in light and then again in darkness; that sometimes he +should run with ease and then again be compelled (as Bunyan puts it) "to +fall from running to going, and from going to clambering upon his hands +and his knees, because of the steepness of the place"; that he should +stand today upon the mountain-top of glory and tomorrow find himself +plunged into the valley of despondency and gloom; that today he should +feel so clearly his Savior's presence, and tomorrow be left seemingly so +entirely to himself; all these and many other things of like nature tend +to puzzle and confuse the souls of pilgrims on the way to glory. That +discouragements and disappointments would come from outside sources +almost all have expected, but that the inward life should be changeful +and varied in any wise many have not thought consistent with true +Christian experience. + + +VARIED EXPERIENCES + +Some, upon discovering that the Christian's pathway leads not always +through verdant valleys and beside still waters, conclude that the +way is too often rough and that therefore the prize is not worth the +running, become discouraged and turn back into sin. Others, after +wondering and seeking in vain for a way always bright and easy, and +learning that all Christians have similar experiences of inward light +and shade, conclude that these things are part of the way and determine +to take them as a matter of course and make the best of them. They +consider the prize too great to miss, and so they press on at any cost, +having settled down to endure what must be endured and to enjoy what may +be enjoyed, hoping some day for an end to it all, but never discovering +the causes, or being able to think the thoughts of God concerning their +difficulties. + +Another class can not be satisfied with this condition of mingled light +and shade. Their souls must ever see the face of God, and with nothing +short of that can they abide content. They would make any sacrifice if +only the glory and joy they desire might be theirs, and without it they +can not be still. Everywhere they turn crying, "Wherefore hidest thou +thy face," "Make me to know my transgression and my sin" (Job 13:23, +24); and, like Job again, 'they go forward, but he is not there; and +backward, but they can not perceive him'; on the right and left they +seek, but can not find him (Job 23:8, 9). But they never quiet their +souls sufficiently for God to tell them the causes of the conditions +which they so much deplore. + +Yet another class of Christians go through like experiences with the +others, but somehow God by his grace enables their hearts, perhaps after +years of struggling, to settle down at last into a state of stillness +and calm submission where he can teach them the causes of their troubles +and so bring them out into that "wealthy place" which is the normal +state of a mature Christian. Then they can sing with Job, "I have heard +of thee by the hearing of the ear; but NOW mine eye seeth thee" (Job. +42:5). + +In religious as truly as in physical and temporal affairs, there is +never an effect without an adequate cause. If the Word of God loses +its richness, if darkness falls upon the soul, if it is hard to pray, +if there is a lack of victory in any respect, there is a reason, a +sufficient cause for such a condition. Let it be understood here that +the causes are not always, in fact often are not, sins. Much confusion +has arisen from imagining that every chastening of the Lord is the +punishment of some sin, when, in fact, each of God's sons must endure +chastisement that they may become in a fuller sense partakers of his +holiness. Thus, we conclude that all the unpleasant experiences with +which we meet in the upward way must be for the sake of eliminating +something of self and of conforming us more to the divine image. We do +not meet them simply because they are in the way, but they are in the +way because we need them. Hence the best way to meet all such things is +to bring them quickly to Father, not inquiring impatiently, "Why must +I suffer so?" but rather: "What is there in my nature that makes this +suffering necessary? What is it that thou art endeavoring to do for me? +And how may I conduct myself so as to receive the benefit?" + + +TESTS IN EARLY CHRISTIAN LIFE + +Happy is the child of God who can say that from the day of his +conversion he has never sinned nor grieved the Spirit of God. Such, +however, has not been the experience of the writer. For several years +I was plunged, sometimes within the space of a few hours, from extreme +happiness and joy into deepest gloom and sadness. Weeks of walking in +the joy of the Lord often terminated in some sad failure, causing untold +misery of soul. When faith again gained the victory, praises in the day +and songs in the night were mine until some other episode or depression +of feeling caused me anxiety and fear. In spite of God's matchless grace +and patient endeavor to teach me the lessons of absolute dependence and +humble trust in him, this condition continued until gradually and almost +imperceptibly my soul reached a place where I seemed past feeling, joy +was no longer mine, love seemed a sensation foreign to my heart, the +power of prayer was gone, and I felt that God had indeed forsaken me. My +testimonies (for I was not conscious of any sin and could not give up my +hope in Christ) sounded to my own ears as "tinkling cymbal and sounding +brass." + +That a soul who commits no known sin and who never loses the +determination to serve God could get into such a state seems incredible. +Such, however, was my condition, and I have met some who are on the way +to just such a place of confusion, others who have reached and are now +suffering in the same state of misery, and still others who have passed +through and found that sweet rest of soul so plainly promised to all who +come to Jesus. Such, then, as may be passing through or who are entering +upon such experiences, I trust to be able to show how my feet came to +sink into the miry clay and how at last God graciously set me upon the +solid rock of his eternal truth and gave me new songs of praise and love +once again. + + +A DEEPER SPIRITUAL EXPERIENCE + +For the two years intervening between my conversion and the time when +I was enabled to make a complete consecration and receive an experience +which I had not before attained, I enjoyed and endured the experiences +common to the Christian in his early religious life. Many times I +presented myself to God for cleansing, but as often failed to receive +the Holy Ghost, because I could not believe unless I should have such +manifestations of his incoming as some others had received. At last, in +desperation, being confident that I had yielded all to God, I determined +to believe that he did cleanse my heart and give me the Holy Spirit +whether I ever received any feelings or not; for had not the immutable +God promised, and could his word be broken? After a severe testing of +this decision, the Holy Spirit came into my heart, cleansing it and +filling me with joy unspeakable and full of glory. "Now," I thought, +"surely all my difficulties are past, and I shall walk in glory the rest +of my life." This bubble soon burst, however; for in my very testimony +to the gracious infilling of the Spirit, I was shown a degree of self +and a lack of humility, which, had I understood the truth of the matter, +should have sent me in faith to the throne of grace for a supply of what +I lacked, but which, instead, I allowed to throw me into a state of +doubt and fear from which I did not emerge for some days. The agony +of soul which I suffered through not understanding the fact that I had +an individual self-life with which I must reckon, even though I was +sanctified, can be understood only by those who have become victims to +doubts in a like manner. After a time faith became stronger, the seasons +of depression became fewer, and my soul lived upon the wing. Prayer was +a delight; the reading of the Word filled me with praise; meeting the +people of God was the joy of my life; and every newly revealed truth +made my soul leap for gladness. + + +GLORYING IN SELF + +I came at last to revel in my experiences. Insensibly to myself, I +gloried in MY joy, MY victory, MY trueness to God. Others told of trials +and difficulties; my testimonies were full of victory and praise, and I +rejoiced in the fact. Little by little I began to notice the faults and +failures of others, and having begun to think so much of what I was, +I had but a little step to go to make a comparison of their faults with +my virtues. As I remember, I did this all quite unconsciously; but a +brother at last said to me, "I fear you are losing that burning love +for others which you once had." Thus reproved, I sought the Father in a +very simple prayer that he would fill me again with that sweetness and +tenderness so necessary for a child of God. That he answered no one +could doubt, least of all I myself. A passion for souls took hold upon +me. No labor was too hard, no sacrifice too great, if only I could +influence a soul for Jesus. I felt a tenderness of soul toward those +whom I had formerly criticized, and whereas I had avoided them, now I +felt a drawing toward them, and though I believed (because some in whom +I had confidence warned me of it) that they possessed very serious +faults, someway I could not see them so plainly. + +I was young in years, and oh, so ignorant! If only at that time my +wisdom had been equal to my love for God and souls, how much of sorrow +I might have been saved! How hard the Spirit of God tried to keep me +from taking counsel with self and others! but I had yet to develop that +individuality which can stand alone with God in sunshine or tempest +and at the same time hold an attitude of humble, submissive love to +the brethren. I needed that single eye which sees only God and is not +occupied with self or others, except in humbly loving and serving them. +Partly through a lack of understanding, but more especially because +spiritual pride was gaining a foothold in my heart, making it impossible +for me clearly to distinguish the voice of the Spirit of God, I failed +to heed his warnings, and entered an experience of darkness and gloom, +lighted by a very few rays of his divine presence, which continued over +a period of several years. + + +CRITICIZING OTHERS + +Gradually my former experience was repeated. Criticism of others slowly +but surely took the place of fervent charity. Contemplation of self and +self-complacency supplanted meditation on God and the humble realization +of my need of his constant help. Self-sufficiency succeeded humble +dependence upon the Lord. All this was utterly uncomprehended by my +heart, and soon I began vaguely to wonder why I did not love secret +prayer as formerly, why the Word did not seem so good to me as before, +and why my thoughts ran so much upon myself and others, whereas in times +past the Lord had been the Alpha and Omega of my meditations. My zeal +for the truth did not abate. My public devotions were earnest and +apparently spiritual, but deep within my soul I knew that there was a +difference. However, I was so much taken up with helping others do right +that I had not much time to attend to my own needs. God had given me +much light, many things for my personal benefit. These I was very +anxious for others to see; for if they were good for me, why not for +others also? Thus, I endeavored to force my convictions upon all I met. +I loved their souls and my actions were born of a desire for their best +good, but my attitude must have repelled rather than have attracted +them. Anxiety to see every one get as much as possible as quickly as +possible, made me oversolicitous and exacting. + +At this time I came in contact with some who were inclined to lower the +standard in some respects and give more room for looseness of walk and +conversation than was expedient. These I looked upon at first with pity, +then with indignation, and at last as wilful deceivers. At this stage, +I think, the last vestige of divine tenderness vanished from my soul, +and I entered the conflict determined to vindicate the truth and see the +standard upheld. When efforts were made to discover to me my faults, I +could see only theirs. If it was suggested to me that I was lacking in +love, I felt that judgments instead of love should be meted out to them. +Instead of feeling free in their presence, I felt like avoiding them and +almost feared to be with them. This I ascribed to the bad spirit which +I felt actuated them. Had I only known how, I might have held to the +true standard in righteousness and also in mercy, but I could see no +middle ground. Either I was right and they wrong or the opposite was +true. And I thought that if I was wrong at all I must be wholly wrong. +I had not at that time seen the truth that God judges us by our +motives, and condemns or excuses us as we have or do not have an earnest +determination to serve him and do his will. So any attempt to recognize +those who were failing in doing some of what I was sure was the will of +God only resulted in terrible confusion to my soul. + + +WARNED BY A DREAM + +At last God in mercy gave a dream to a brother who was trying to help +us. I can not recall it perfectly, but to the best of my recollection, +it was somewhat as follows: He thought that he was in the center of a +beautiful stream of water, clear as crystal. The banks on each side were +perpendicular and very high. On each bank was a large bundle to which +was attached a strap. The brother was trying hard, but without success, +to pull those bundles into the stream. In the midst of his exertions he +awoke. Wondering what was in the bundles, he looked to the Lord and +received this solution: The crystal stream represented God's eternal +truth; the obstinate bundles contained a list of things which he gave +to us somewhat as follows: + + TRUTH + + Human Reasoning | Legality + | + Zeal for spirituality | Great claims to spirituality + Voluntary humility | Harshness + Independence | Self-sufficiency + Headiness | Self-will + Criticism | Criticism + Loose handling of Word | Zeal for written commands + Exaltation of Spirit above Word | Exaction + Undue liberty | Bondage + Compromise | Fanaticism + + +INDIFFERENCE OR DOUBTS + +Such a revelation of my heart should have helped me, but so blind was +I that the only change it wrought was to turn the weapons of harshness, +criticism, and exaction upon myself. And for three long miserable years, +with a heart like a stone so far as feelings were concerned, I wrestled +with doubts and fears and tried, oh, so hard! to reach the standard of +spirituality which I had formerly held up for others. Labor in prayer as +I would, the light would not dispel the darkness, the stony heart would +not soften, except for a short season. Then, how I gloried in the light +and how I mourned when it was dark again! Worse than all else, there +fell upon my soul a state of seeming indifference to my condition and +carelessness toward both God, the souls of others, and myself. Stir +myself out of it, I could not. Sorrow and joy alike seemed strangers to +me. As there was no blessing, so there was no grief. There was a great +calm, but it was the calm of the grave; it was not peace. When reproved +for causing trials to others, as I often needed to be, I endeavored not +to be guilty of the same offense again; but no matter what I did, I +seemed to experience no great depth of sorrow. Withal there developed a +lightness quite foreign to what I had been by nature or grace. I seemed +to live only upon the surface, and to have no ability to reach any +depth of grace. This I deplored, and longed for the blessing of genuine +sorrow. How often I wished that I had never heard the truth if only +I might have the chance to begin all over again! + +I lived in circles, making no progress. Daily I prayed for a return of +the joy, love, peace, and victory I had once known. Sometimes the clouds +rifted a little, and I gloried in it, thinking that surely the Lord +had heard, and I should be delivered; but soon I would feel the same +dulness settle down, leaving in me the same aching void as before. +Again and again I tried to repent, thinking that I surely must be +a sinner; but I could not work up any earnestness, nor could I find +anything in particular of which to repent, only the darkness and general +dissatisfaction which I was experiencing. If only I could have begun +again; but there seemed no place from which to start, no foundation for +my feet, and I felt myself almost entirely swallowed in the quicksand +of despondency and discouragement. I realized then the force of the +Psalmist's words, "If the foundations be removed, what shall the +righteous do?" + + +DISCOURAGEMENTS + +At last my thoughtlessness brought upon me some very severe reproofs. +I knew that I was not feeling the weight of them as I should, and I +knew also that unless I should be able in some way to see why I did +such things I could never get any help. Why should I, who longed to be +a soul-winner, be a source of trial to others? Having at last gotten +it settled that there was something fundamentally wrong, I determined +not to content myself until I should discover what it was. Instead of +praying as I had done for so long, for love, joy, etc., I endeavored +to humble myself before God and entreat him to show me what was wrong +within. I made very slow progress. A day of fasting and prayer revealed +nothing. But I would not cease searching my heart. It was very dry +praying, for I had no ability even to feel sorry that my condition was +so bad; but I had one promise to which I clung desperately: "They that +seek the Lord shall not want any good thing" (Psa. 34:10). I could not +make myself feel, nor change my state, but I could seek. And it was +within my power, as it is within the power of all, to believe that he +would be found of me. + +At last, little by little, it dawned upon me that I was selfish. The +reader may smile, as I myself do now, that I did not know it before. +But up to that time I had never stopped to consider why I did things. +If I spoke harshly, I was sorry and begged pardon, but it never occurred +to me to think why I had spoken so, except that something had not +pleased me. If I prayed when I felt inclined and neglected prayer when +I did not feel inclined to pray, I knew that I had neglected duty, but +to consider why I had neglected it never entered my mind. If words not +unto edification escaped my lips, I was ashamed, but my motive for so +speaking was unknown to me. But now the Lord showed me clearly that a +desire for personal pleasure and profit lurked deep at the root of all +those acts of indifference and carelessness. Grateful for one ray of +light, I sought again his presence and cried, "But why, O Lord, should +I, who have tasted thy divine grace, who have felt the sanctifying power +of thy Holy Spirit--why should I be selfish?" My spiritual eye was +regaining its sight now and my ear its keenness, so that through many +days, in the testimonies of others, through reading, and in prayer and +meditation, the answer came by degrees, until at last I understood. + + +SELF-LOVE AND PURE LOVE + +There is, I learned, in every human heart an element called self-love. +This is not sinful in itself, being synonymous with that desire for +happiness which is the medium through which God appeals to the soul. +It is not annihilated in the sanctified soul, else Jesus could not have +said, "Love thy neighbor as thyself," but it is there subordinated to +that pure love which places God first in all circumstances. To love the +Lord with all the heart, might, mind, and strength is to love with pure +love; but the heart that loves thus still contains self-love, and it is +through this property of the soul that the sanctified can be tempted. +Adam was a perfect man, with a perfectly pure heart; but when tempted +to obtain something which promised to improve his state and increase +his happiness, he proved that he loved himself by yielding to the +temptation. It is this part of ourselves which must daily be denied lest +it degenerate into selfishness and cause us trouble. There is a degree +to which this self-love and pure love may become mixed in our service +to God. This had happened in my case. + +Pure love serves without any hope of reward. When light and peace and +joy fill the soul, or when grief, sorrow, or loneliness presses the +heart, pure love goes on loving and serving. Pure love desires, not to +be pleased, but to please. It gives all and demands nothing in return. +It loves God, not so much for what he has done for the soul, or for what +the soul expects him to do for it, but for what he IS. It seeks him, not +so much that it may be blessed, as that it may be a pleasure to him. +It desires, not so much satisfaction for its own heart, as that he may +be satisfied with it. It seeks not place nor position nor anything, but +only that HE may find pleasure in it, that HE may be able to rejoice in +the work of his hand. If it pleases him to give good things, the soul +is grateful, but does not forget that the Giver is more than the gift. +If evil comes, pure love can quietly rest, desiring naught for self, +but all for him. Even if his face is hidden, pure love, though feeling +keenly the absence of its beloved, can still say in sweet submission, +"Thy will be done"; for it feels itself unworthy of any blessing and so +is content with whatever its Lord is pleased to do. It yields itself to +the Author of every good, and, trusting his love, receives thankfully +and in deep humility what he pleases to give and as gratefully humbles +itself to go without what he does not please to give. "Willingly to +receive what thou givest, to lack what thou withholdest, to relinquish +what thou takest, to suffer what thou inflictest, to be what thou +requirest"--this is pure love and real consecration. + + +SEEING MY CONDITION + +As God revealed this precious truth, I felt as though some one had +said of me, "Doth Job serve God for naught?" and that God could not have +justified me as he did Job. My own heart showed me self-seeking. I saw +then that I had prayed to be blessed; that I had longed for satisfaction; +that I had sought for joy and peace and love and spirituality, partly +at least, that I might be satisfied and well pleased with myself, and, +furthermore, that I might be considered spiritual among the brethren. +Also, I was honestly anxious to be a blessing to others and in +everything to be an "example of the believers." But to seek the Lord +simply to please him never occurred to me, until I was reminded of his +unselfish love for me. He desired me to be "all for him," not because my +little all could make him any richer, but because it was only then that +he could really be "all for me" and bestow upon me the riches of his +love. A sentence from Fenelon made me more ashamed than ever. It reads +something like this: "Would you serve God only as he gives you pleasure +in serving him?" + + +LIGHT BREAKS UPON MY SOUL + +In the beginning of my Christian experience I had but to see a truth to +feel within a strong drawing to obedience. But now all was different. +The cold facts of my condition were plain to me, but there was no inward +force compelling me to act according to the knowledge I had gained. I +was tossed about and wished more than I can tell for some inward urging +of the Spirit of God toward the performance of my duty. I did not know +the truth that God accepts the decision of the will as the purpose of +the heart. I supposed that no act could be acceptable to God unless +it came from a warm feeling of love. The deadness and the apathy of my +heart were sickening. I saw clearly the wretchedness of my condition, +but there was no breaking up, no feeling of sorrow, no conviction (as +I thought), no love for God. If I could only have shed some tears; if my +soul had only been exercised for its own deliverance! But all within was +as still as a stone; only my mind seemed active. + +At last, however, I saw that this apparent lack of sorrow was only +another step toward the utter repudiation of self. In the past, self +had hidden behind my tears, and I had unconsciously trusted in my sorrow +instead of in the Lord, thinking that surely because I felt so sorry, +I should not repeat the offense. But a feeling of sorrow can not save, +as I proved again and again by repeated failures, and so God, wishing +to strip me of anything in which to trust except himself, allowed me +not even the satisfaction of tears or a breaking up of heart. He wished +to teach me that real repentance is an act of the will and not of the +emotions. For a tender heart, one should be grateful, but to trust in +that for victory over sin or faults can only lead to repeated failure. +So at last I was willing to submit this point to him who doeth all +things well and was willing to cast myself, unworthy, undone, without +a vestige of hope in myself, nor a place to set my feet, wholly upon +him and to believe that he took me AS I WAS, whether I was able to do +or be anything or not, and would begin to work in me his divine will. + + +LEARNING MY MISTAKES + +The same trouble arose about my lack of feeling any love for God. How +could I, who had been the recipient of so many favors from the hand of +God, be so hard-hearted as not to love him! Could I dare come to him or +ask anything from him when I did not love him, when I had given so much +place to self-love and had been so indifferent concerning the pleasure +of my King? How difficult it is to come to God empty-handed! If only I +might have brought at least a little love in my hand to offer him! But +no, there seemed to be none; and at last my poor soul came to see and +confess that, after all, it was not because of my love to him that he +loved me and saved me, but because of his great mercy and love for me. +At length my soul, falling down before him, could cry out in truth, + + "Nothing in my hand I bring; + Simply to thy cross I cling." + +Then he taught me that love does not depend upon emotion; that so far as +God is concerned, it is a free gift to us; that in order for us to enjoy +it we must accept it as our own. The acceptance depends upon our will +and decision in the matter, and not upon our feelings. To illustrate: If +a person does much for me that is hard and difficult for him, willingly +makes many sacrifices for me, without any hope of reward, I conclude +that he loves me far better than the one who does much for me for which +he receives or expects remuneration. Nowhere does the Bible command +us to =feel= like obeying the Lord; nowhere is it even suggested that +we should =feel= like loving him. But we do find that God's pleasure +rests upon those who "=will= do his will" (John 7:17), and we do have +this definition of love: "This is the love of God, that we keep his +commandments." Feelings have nothing to do with the keeping of God's +commands. Of course, it is more pleasant to us to do what we feel +inclined to do, but it does not necessarily give more pleasure to God. +If we obey God because he is God and because it is right to obey him, +we act from pure love, and the pleasure God feels toward such service +will in time be poured out upon the soul in streams of love, and there +will be all the feeling desired. + +Thus, I saw that if I willed to love God and acted as nearly as possible +as I should act if I felt the glow of his love in my heart, this was +more acceptable to him than the same service would be if rendered +because my feelings prompted me to do it. + + +VICTORY OVER ACCUSATIONS + +In acting upon this truth, I was often accused of being a hypocrite, +because my prayers, my manifestations of love and interest in others, +and whatever I did for the Lord, seemed unreal and strained. Here, +however, faith came to my rescue, enabling me to say to Satan: "No, I am +not a hypocrite. I know that I do not feel like doing what I am doing; +I know that I am not getting any particular pleasure out of it. But I do +not deserve any pleasure, and I shall continue to do the best I can to +prove to God that I do love him and am trying to give him pleasure. +If he never sees fit to give me back again the joy which I formerly had +in his service, that is his business. Mine is to love and serve. Let him +do as he will with his own." + +It was all very dry and hard at first, for the old doubts about being +his when I did not feel his presence, knocked hard for admittance; but +I was enabled to meet them always with the same confidence: "I can not +doubt that he loves me now, whether I seem to love him or not; for did +he not 'love me and give himself for me' when I was not trying to serve +him at all? Anyway, my salvation does not depend upon my love for him, +but upon his for me. But I WILL love him and prove it by trusting and +obeying him. This is all I can do; the rest I leave with him." The test +was a long one, and a lesson that I shall not forget. + +When, at last, God saw that I would ask only for ability to satisfy +and please him, whether I felt pleased and satisfied or not, there came +into my soul gradually light and joy, and oh! such a sweet sense of his +presence. Praise his name! The love and other graces I then felt in my +soul, I could not boast of, however, for they all came from and belonged +to him; and when I was enabled again to bow before him with a sweet +sense of love and reverence, I felt that in adoring and loving him, +I was not bringing to him something of my own, but only returning to +him that which he had given me. I felt as I had not for years that + + "The graces within are not mine; + For the love and the power and the glory + Belong to the Savior divine." + + +LOCATING MYSELF SPIRITUALLY + +One other point of which I must speak in this connection is the +difficulty I experienced in endeavoring to locate myself spiritually +when in the midst of the confusion I have described. Could I be saved +at all when in such a state? Did I need to repent, or only try to do +better? Were my careless actions and thoughtless words sins, or only +mistakes? Fortunately, I was advised not to try to figure out so +carefully what was sin and what was not, but to present to Jesus +anything that troubled me, and to trust him implicitly to work in me +the victory that I needed. By humbly confessing my weakness and claiming +the promise of Phil. 2:13, "For it is God that worketh in you both to +will and to do his good pleasure," I was enabled to gain victory almost +immediately over many faults and failures with which I had wrestled long +and over which I could never have gotten victory if I had spent my time +picking every failure to pieces to find out whether it was something of +which I needed to repent as a sin or only a mistake. I felt that God was +pleased to have me humbly confess and trustingly turn over to him for +correction any and every error whether it seemed to me serious or not. + +It would take too much space to tell here of all the changes which were +wrought in me by these experiences. Suffice it to say that life has been +different ever since. Not that I have always felt the Lord just as near, +for he has needed to remind me of the lessons I have recorded and to +teach me others; but whether he seems near or far, Satan has never +succeeded in making me fear and doubt. I have learned that whether God +leads in light or in darkness, he IS leading and I have nothing to fear. +If darkness comes upon me, it is for a purpose, and I can wait patiently +upon him until he makes that purpose known. Submissively to wait and +patiently to trust in him till he reveals his purposes is my part. His +part is to lead and take care of me, and this, I am sure, he will do +unto the end. Therefore I have no responsibility except to go on obeying +and trusting him. Whatever bothers or troubles me in myself or others +I lay at his feet, expecting him to give me victory if the trouble be +in myself, or to bring it out in his own good way if it be in others. +And thus my soul has reached and abides in that "wealthy place" where +no harm can ever come and where the soul is kept in perfect peace. + + + + +Liberated from Faultfinding + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 14 + + +For the glory of God and the encouragement of others I wish to testify +against the evil of faultfinding. Soon after the beginning of my +Christian experience, about twelve years ago, I was severely harassed by +this adversary of my soul. So cunningly were my eyes blinded to my real +condition that I was almost overwhelmed at times through the workings of +this dangerous influence. + +At times I would be almost free from it, but very much of the time I +seemed to have a peculiar faculty of finding the mote in the eyes of +others and was never aware of the beam in my own eye. I could see so +much to pick at in some brethren that there was no time left for me to +step aside and occasionally take myself into account and see myself as +others saw me. I thought I could conduct some affairs over which others +had charge, so much better than they were being conducted, that I was +at times uncomfortable because I did not have a chance to show what I +could do. It is needless to say that during the time that I was a prey +to this wicked spirit, I had little, if any, spiritual life; but I tried +to convince myself that I was doing quite well. There was, however, a +blank or a real lack in my Christian life, because I had not learned to +be an ideal Christian in humility before God and meekness towards my +fellow men. + +As soon as I passed through enough sad experiences to make me the happy +possessor of a willing spirit, I began to realize that I was learning +the necessary lessons and through these trials and tribulations I began +to have a little understanding of the cause and root of my trouble. + +There were three happenings that aided in awakening me to my need. The +first one was a few years ago, when I received from a brother a letter +in which he said, "Brother, you need continuity." That reproof found +its place in my heart, and the first seed was sown toward a harvest of +willingness. Although it brought no immediate results, yet it stayed by +me and was very prominent before me many times. + +The second lesson was brought to me through a sermon. The sister who +delivered the sermon related the experience of a brother who had years +of difficulty in regard to finding fault with others, and who finally +concluded that the trouble was more with him than with those he +criticized. I began to see my own case a little clearer, but I did not +fully learn the lesson until sometime later. + +My third lesson came in the following manner: A brother in whom I had +some confidence came to my home and asked for a position, which I +secured for him. We admitted him into our home for his comfort as well +as for our pleasure spiritually, as we supposed he would be a help to +us. It was not long, however, until it seemed there was nothing that +escaped his faultfinding. He saw mountains of fault with us and our +children. At last I saw in his case a picture of what I myself had done +during the past, but I had banished from my life all thoughts of ever +again being influenced by such a faultfinding spirit. Never before had +I been able to see the picture of my former condition as I saw it when +fully manifested in the life of this brother. + +Although it had been my desire and no doubt his full intention to do +what was right, nevertheless this evil habit, if I may call it such, +had gained such a foothold in my life and in his life as to be a +hindrance to our own spiritual progress and a stumbling-block in the +way of others. This habit of faultfinding by those who are claiming +to be children of God has caused them to wander from the true paths of +righteousness into forbidden paths, and also to turn many others from +the path that leads to everlasting life. + +It is with much gratitude to God that I undertake to tell of my +deliverance from that great barrier and hindrance to my spiritual +progress. When I came to the point where I humbled my heart before the +Lord and let him turn the searchlight upon me, the faults in others were +not so great, but mine had seemed to climb mountain high. It was with +a determination and positive decision to turn from such things; and the +Lord, understanding my intentions in regard to those things, took note +of my humility of heart and delivered me, for which I give him all the +praise and glory. May the dear Lord help us all to bear with each other, +and forbear complaining, even though it may at times seem necessary. +I am sure it will bring about a great measure of the grace of God. + + + + +Help from God in Fiery Trials + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 15 + + +When I think of the great mercy and love of God that follows after a +soul and remember that he knows all about the thoughts and intents of +the heart, truly I stand in awe before him. Since he knows all and has +all power, can we not trust him when we give ourselves into his hands +to be molded into his image to shine for him? + +"Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the +kingdom of heaven, but he that doeth the will of my Father." Every +one who will give all into his hands will be brought through the fire, +according to Zech. 13:9--"And I will bring a third part through the +fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them +as gold is tried: they shall call on my name, and I will hear them: +I will say, It is my people: and they shall say, The Lord is my God." +In telling some experiences in the furnace-flames, I wish to lose sight +of everything except to be a help and encouragement to those who are +in trial. + +In writing my experience, I shall find it necessary to make mention +of some of the sad things concerning my husband, a fact which I very +much regret. But I trust that dear souls will take warning and realize +that there is no limit to the work of the enemy when once he gains +possession. I shall never cease to be thankful for the first copies of +a paper called the Gospel Trumpet I ever saw. Through my reading them, +conviction was sent to my soul by the Spirit of God; but being unwilling +to meet the necessary conditions, I resisted the convictions and put the +papers aside. + +Some months afterwards while searching for something, I came across +those papers, and immediately that same conviction returned, but again +I resisted it. My health failed, and I continued to decline until I was +almost in the jaws of death. Physicians could do nothing for me. During +this time God was doing his best to get me to understand that if I would +give up he would save and heal me. At last I yielded, and he saved my +soul and healed me, and from that day until this, which has been more +than eighteen years, I have been fascinated by the charms of a Christian +life. + + +THE BEGINNING OF PERSECUTIONS + +For a long time I did not meet with any persecution in my home, as my +husband saw the light of the gospel and believed it to be the truth, +but was not willing to walk in it. God followed after him with love and +long-suffering. Time after time he resisted the conviction, but finally +the Spirit succeeded in breaking up his heart and showed him what he +must do to make his wrongs right. He began making a profession of +religion, but refused to make all his wrongs right, and in a short time +the enemy took possession of him, whereupon he turned against God and +against me, and grew worse and worse. + +Now the furnace-flames became hot. He was restless and could not be +content to stay anywhere very long at a time, and everywhere we went +he set about to turn the people against me by telling untruths to gain +sympathy. He was very cruel to the children and me. + +After we moved to a small town in northern Kansas, these words came +vividly to my mind: "Fear none of those things which shall come upon +thee." With the cruelty and persecution came a severe affliction. Two +doctors pronounced it tuberculosis in the knee-joint. It was so serious +that I could not bear to be moved, and when I sat in a rocking-chair I +was obliged to have something under the rocker to keep the chair from +moving. The thoughts of any one's coming near my knee made the pains go +through my limb. At times I was able to walk some on crutches by being +careful. My leg was swollen from above the knee down. At night I had to +lie upon my back with pillows under my knee, and I could move neither to +the right nor to the left, and sometimes just to cough a little caused +almost unendurable pain. + +All this happened during the months before a baby girl was born. My +family and neighbors did not expect me to live, but God stood by me and +gave me this assurance: that as the children of Israel faced the Red Sea +with no possible way of crossing, and he divided the waters and let them +pass through, so he would in like manner help me. Oh, it was precious to +trust him! + +Just about a week before the child was born, the excruciating pain left +my knee, but upon my recovery it came back seemingly worse than ever. +About three months later the Lord healed the disease, which has never +returned. However, I was left a cripple, and have had to use crutches +ever since that time. + +At this time I had eight children. Two grown boys had gone from home, +leaving me to care for the other six. I had a great desire to rear them +for God. Thus far I had spent most of my Christian life in isolated +places, where I was deprived of church privileges. It seemed that all +the hosts of darkness were united against my determination to rear my +children under Christian influence. Although I had many things to learn +regarding how to do this, yet God was patient in teaching me. + +Once when an awful discouragement tried to settle down over me, and it +seemed there was no material to work on, I was comforted through the +impression that came to me in the words, "God can take a worm and thresh +a mountain," and I have never forgotten these words, the thought of +which is expressed by the prophet in Isa. 41:14, 15. I felt that some +who opposed me would be glad for me to die so that they could get the +children from my influence. Once my husband was threatened with arrest +for cruelty, and I feared that my children would be taken from me and +placed among my opposers, as one woman had said there were plenty of +homes for them. Then the scene of Christ before Pilate came before me +and this scripture: "Thou couldest have no power at all against me, +except it were given thee from above." At the same time one of the +organ-keys was down, and we were unable to repair it; so I said, "We +will trust the Lord to fix it." When the above-mentioned scripture came +to me, the organ-key raised of its own accord, and I said, "Is there +anything like that in the Bible?" and quickly came the answer: "The gate +opened of its own accord when Peter went out." Joy filled my soul as +I realized that the mighty God of heaven was my helper. + +At another time I made a carpet which required five years to make by +working whenever I could find time to do so. After it was finished and +before I had cut it, the Spirit said to me, while I was praying one day, +"Send that carpet to Kansas City to help furnish the Missionary Home." +My heart said amen, and God made my husband willing, blessed my soul in +sending it, and later gave me a carpet larger than the one I had given. +My husband had ceased to allow me to have a way to make money of my +own. I was not permitted to have either chickens or eggs. Once I made +a hot-bed, as plants found a ready sale, and thought I would make a +little money in that way, but he found it just as the plants were coming +up and destroyed it. God never failed to bless me when I said amen. + +At one time when I was in need of a pair of shoes, I went in earnest +prayer to the Lord like a child and asked him for a pair. Soon +afterwards I received a letter from a sister in Kansas City whom I had +never seen. She was giving her entire time to the gospel work and had +a little money in her possession. In her letter she said, "My mind was +directed to you last Sunday during the services, and I was impressed to +send this money to you." At another time after praying for some money, I +received a dollar. I was in need of so many things that I asked the Lord +how I should spend it. This answer came: "Send it to the missionaries in +India." I did so, and in a short time received three pair of shoes for +the children, of which they were very much in need. I had many similar +experiences. + +When our baby girl was about three months old, a dear sister whom I had +met and who was living in an isolated place, came to pay me a visit. She +remained in that community. After about a year she was eager to grow in +grace, and while she was anxiously waiting before the Lord and wishing +that she might grow like Sister ----, the question came to her, "Are you +willing to pass through what she has had to pass through?" She had a +desire to do whatever was necessary, but did not feel that she could +very well pass through such severe ordeals. In order to be spiritual +and grow in grace, it is not always necessary for people to pass through +such severe trials, nevertheless their consecration must be to pass +through anything that would be most to the glory of God. + +About this time I had an attack of sickness, and for sometime it seemed +that I might die. My husband went to visit his sister and left me alone +with the children. The sister who had been staying in the community, +felt that she must come and stay with me, and when my husband returned, +the Lord put it into his heart to hire her for a while. The Lord healed +me and made my husband willing for my oldest daughter and I to go to a +meeting at Kansas City. This was my last opportunity to enjoy a meeting +before entering a much darker vale of trial. Our daughter was saved, +for which I praised the Lord. My husband refused to hire the sister any +longer, but in answer to prayer consented for her to stay as long as she +desired without pay for her services. + +In December of that year a dear baby boy was born. The Lord gave me this +assurance: "I will be with thee in six troubles, yea, in seven there +shall no evil befall thee." My husband began planning to go to Arkansas. +We had been here three years and were getting our home comfortably +furnished, but we learned to take joyfully the spoiling of our goods and +to see them sold at a great sacrifice. + +One day while I was communing with the Lord, this scripture was vividly +impressed upon my mind: "In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall +direct thy paths." At that time there was suggested to my mind the name +of a town in Kansas near where I lived during my childhood. I did not +understand what it meant, as we did not go there, but I understood +later. I had always had an aversion to living in the backwoods, for I +knew that the welfare and education of the children would be neglected, +but I acknowledged God's way. + +The sister who was with us was willing to stay or go with us. +We asked the Lord to open the way if he wanted her to go, and my +husband told her that if she wanted to go he would pay her way. There +are many experiences through which I passed that I should like to +relate--experiences showing the mysterious ways in which the Lord helped +us in time of need. I learned that obedience and trueness to God will +bring us into a wealthy place. + +My husband went about six weeks before we did and secured a location. +Upon our arrival we found that our home for the present was sixteen +miles from a railroad, back in the mountains, and that the roads were +very rough and rocky. Our house was a very small one built of rough, +unhewn logs. There were no windows, only some small shutters which +could be opened when the weather was not cold. There were plenty of +cracks and the fireplace was a smoky one. Most of the people in that +community had lived there from the time of their birth and were poor. +The women used tobacco. Some could not read, and morality was at a +low ebb. + +Soon after being introduced to our new surroundings, I was asked these +three questions in succession: + +"Are you willing to stay here and work?" + +"Yes," I answered. + +"Unseen and unknown?" + +"Yes." + +"Not even an obituary when you die?" + +"Yes." + +There were only twenty acres in cultivation, which required more hard +work than eighty acres of ordinary farm-land. That fall my husband +purchased a hewed log house of three rooms and moved it down between the +mountains. It had four whole windows and two half windows, and we never +knew before what luxuries they were. + +We continued to have Sunday-school, as husband had not yet forbidden +us to have it. He succeeded in turning most of the people against us +by telling the usual stories, only he changed them to suit the people. +He often used the same whip for the children and me that he used for +the horses. His condition grew worse and worse all the time. The second +summer three of the children had typhoid fever. After the first one had +been ill for nine days, we sent for a doctor according to the law. He +said, "Your little girl has a straight case of typhoid well developed, +and it will take twenty-one days for the fever to break, with the best +of care, if she lives at all." I told him that my trust was in God, +but he ignored what I said. My husband told him to leave medicine and +ordered me to give it, not because he had no confidence in divine +healing, but for fear of the law, and to please the people. She had +never taken a dose of medicine in her life and wanted to trust the Lord. +I submitted and gave a few doses. God had given me witness that he +would heal her, and in three days she was sitting up and was soon up. +My husband was very angry because she was healed. About two weeks later +she took a relapse and was seemingly worse than ever, but we trusted in +the promise, and she was soon all right again. Then two of the others +contracted the disease, but they were both healed in answer to prayer. + +One day during the summer while I was in the timber praying, a vivid +impression came to me that God was going to deliver us out of that +place, and the name of the town where we should live was given me. This +was the same town previously mentioned, near where I had lived during my +childhood. Oh, such rapture filled my soul! I told my daughter, and she +said the Lord had been showing her the same thing. This scripture was +given to me: "I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the +Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. +And I will be found of you, saith the Lord; and I will turn away your +captivity" (Jer. 29:11, 14). + +We had never sent the children to school here, as the people were so +poor and of such a low grade morally. I taught our children during the +winter. At the end of the second summer we began praying for shoes. +One day the children came from the mail-box with a pair for my oldest +daughter, and then in a few days a letter came from an unsaved woman +whom I had never met. She said: "I have some money from the Lord and +feel impressed to send it to you. Please write and tell me how to send +it." Then we received from a sister a letter containing five dollars. +We had already begun to get ready to go to our future home. We had a +catalog, from which we ordered as God gave us the means, and seldom my +husband knew anything about it, for he would not have wanted us to have +the money had he known it. He seldom noticed how much sewing was going +on. + +The Lord in many ways encouraged our hearts, for there were fiery trials +awaiting us. A neighbor had moved away and hired my husband to dig his +potatoes and sweet potatoes. The enemy had such control of my husband +that he could not be honest. My daughter helped to dig them, and he +told her not to take any pains to get them all, but she did her best. +He brought nearly half a bushel of sweet potatoes home and told me to +cook them. I prayed to know what to do and received these words, "He +that sweareth to his own hurt and changeth not." I told my husband that +it was not right to keep the potatoes and that I could not cook them. +He flew into a rage and threatened to kill me, and would not allow me to +come into the room where the rest were until the light was out and they +had gone to bed. It seemed the enemy and all his hosts wanted to take my +life. I cried earnestly unto the Lord to give me something to comfort my +soul, and he brought to my mind the three Hebrew children. + +A week passed and the man returned for some of his belongings. It was +dark when he passed, and he was drunk. My husband went out and talked, +and no doubt smoothed it over about the sweet potatoes. When he came +back, he said to me, "I told you it was all right about those potatoes." +I did not say anything, but did not feel right about it. The next +morning before daylight, he wanted me to cook those potatoes. I refused +and told him I could not cook them. Then the battle was on worse than +ever. He struck me and wanted me to leave the house, and followed me +with a club until I was outside the yard, and then told me to move on. I +went out into the timber and remained there, and the children brought me +some wraps and something to eat. Then he ordered the sister who was with +us to leave, and she packed a few clothes in a suit-case and came down +the timber to see me. We parted in good courage. This sister had, before +this happened, received many calls to go elsewhere. One call was from +her brother, who offered her a good home and support during the rest of +her life. + +She went to a neighbor who had given her an invitation and stayed two +days, and from there to another place, where she stayed a few days and +worked for her board. While she was on the way, the Lord gave her this +assurance: "Trust in the Lord, and thou shalt be fed." While she was +there, not knowing what to do next, and being taunted by the enemy +because she had not accepted her brother's offer, the Lord seemed +sweetly to whisper to her, these words: "This is the way; walk ye +in it." + +She heard of a place where they might need some one. It was very muddy +and there was a drizzling rain, but she went. When she arrived at that +place, she found they did not need her, but the telephone rang, and a +lady who had been one of our opposers asked that she come and stay with +her for a while. The scripture had come to her, "Inasmuch as ye have +done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto +me." The woman turned friend, opened the way for her to communicate with +us and to get mail from the people of God. She remained there about a +week, when an old lady desired some one to stay with her and gave her +a home until the Lord was through with her in Arkansas. + +But returning to my experience in the timber, I did not know whether I +should be allowed to return home or not; but trusting God, I returned in +the afternoon and was not molested, excepting a tongue-lashing. Not long +after this our two grown sons came home on a visit, and my husband told +them awful things about me, which they believed, and turned against me +and doubled the persecution. They searched the house for books, Bibles, +and papers, and burned them before us, also pictures of our friends. +Then they tortured the little girls, trying to make them promise that +they would not be Christians like their mother. Those dear boys who had +stood by me in the past! How I thanked God for grace sufficient in time +of trial and for the privilege of loving and praying for them. + +In July of our last summer there, my eldest daughter said, "I just feel +like packing my trunk to go to ----." It was the town God had shown us +should be our home. The next time she went for the mail, there was a +letter from a sister in the town, saying that God had taken sleep from +two sisters and told them to send for her, and enclosed a check for her +fare. She soon afterward went to that town. + +Sometime after this, while the second daughter was driving for her +father while husking corn, she ran into a stump and broke the +wagon-tongue. Such an occurrence endangered their lives, but two men +coming along just at that time spared her somewhat, and her father sent +her to the house. I prayed until my faith rested on the promise for +protection. That night after I had gone to bed, God inspired me with +beautiful thoughts of heaven, and I got up so softly and took a pencil +and paper and wrote this poem in the dark. I can not refrain from saying +here, Praise the Lord for these precious things in time of trial! + + + MY BEAUTIFUL HOME + + Though poets may sing of the streets of pure gold + And talk of its mansions so fair, + After all it is naught; the half is not told + Of my beautiful home over there. + + Man's eye has ne'er seen nor his ear ever heard, + Nor can he e'er picture the scene; + The music's so rare no one can record + The strains of the faithful, I ween. + + Though art has portrayed fair angels of light + In tints that enrapture the mind; + 'Tis grander by far in my home ever bright, + Where the glory of God is enshrined. + + No; ear hath not heard, and eye hath not seen, + Any thing that will ever compare + With the grandeur and beauty of that heavenly scene, + Of my beautiful home over there. + + 'Tis only by faith that gleams from the land, + Where they need not the light of the sun, + Can brighten the life or lighten the pain + Of those who will hear the "Well done." + + Some day when my toiling and trials are o'er, + I shall see the fair angels of light; + On their wings they will bear me across to that shore + Where my faith will be lost in the sight. + + +On the night of November 22 the children and I were alone, and I was +wonderfully impressed with the scripture in Isa. 45:2, 3. It came to +me three times during the day. The next morning, being Sunday, we were +still alone. The children were singing "What a Mighty God We Serve," +when I heard a crackling noise and, looking up, saw the house was on +fire. I looked to the Lord for presence of mind, and we went to work +getting things out. One of the children said, "This is what your +scripture was for. Perhaps this is for our deliverance." I realized the +presence of the Lord in the whole affair, and he wonderfully helped us +to save all the things of importance, and just as the fire was getting +so hot that it seemed we could do no more, a man came along and helped +us. There was an empty house nearby, into which we moved. + +The people decided to help my husband build another house, and they +began work. Thus, it appeared that we should have to remain there +always; but the children and I took no notice of it. I told the Lord he +knew there was more clothing we needed yet, and asked him, to give me, +when it was time, the money to get the goods. In a short time I received +it, and we were busy sewing until late at night, and the Lord gave me +such a glorious assurance of deliverance. + +I had two trunks packed full, mostly with clothing. Husband said one +day, "I believe I will trade the place." I did not know what to say, +as I knew God was doing the managing. In a few days he traded it and +decided to go about twenty miles north and rent some land. This was +about the first of February, and he wanted to start in March. The man +who owned the house where we were living, came and wanted it, and so we +put up a small tent to live in the rest of the time. It began raining +and rained hard the most of the time for two or three weeks. Everything +was so damp, but God's hallowed presence made all things bearable. + +My husband planned to take two teams and have me drive one. I knew +almost nothing about driving, and the roads were as bad as they could +be, up and down mountains, over rocks, and through mud, and I could +scarcely make a move of any kind to please my husband. He also decided +to take twenty-nine goats, which he intended having the children drive. +The morning we started I had been sick all night, and it began raining +and the wagon sheet began to leak; but I kept trusting, and it stopped +raining. Our first interesting experience was the horses balking in +the river. It took about an hour before we got out. No damage was done, +however, except that Husband found a roll of papers which I had intended +for distribution, and threw them into the river. + +We camped near a house that night. The next morning Husband said, +"Unpack that box and leave the dishes here, for we are too heavily +loaded." The box had been packed with care and contained some of my best +things, and about two sets of dishes which had scarcely been used. He +left them with some other things. One of the girls who had walked the +day before became ill. We started on our way up a mountain slope, which +was a distance of three miles. After we had gone a short distance, my +husband said, "I am going back and unload some of these things." He +proceeded to throw out the bedding and other things on the wet ground +and, leaving us, went back and left the trunks with the dishes. Both +trunks were unlocked and there were so many people who could not be +trusted. I had taken the address of the people with whom I left the +dishes. We had no clothing left except what we had on our persons, and +a few things I had felt impressed to keep out before we left home. The +trunks contained all the clothing for our future home, so I believed +that God would take care of them. + +The roads could not have been worse nor more dangerous. Some places were +so steep and one-sided that it seemed the wagon might fall over, and the +mud-holes were terrible. The team which I was driving gave much trouble, +as one mule pulled ahead and the other was slow. Husband expected me +to keep them even and drive with one hand, and he quite often gave me +a lick with the same club with which he whipped the mules. Two of the +children were sick, and the jolts of the wagon were very hard on them. +While passing through some of these experiences, the words of Paul came +to me, "In perils often; a night and a day have I been in the deep," and +the song, "Anywhere with Jesus I Can Safely Go." I must say, Praise the +Lord, for he helped my faith to rise above the situation and healed the +children and protected our lives. + +My husband failed to find any land to rent or work, so we kept going. +Two of the children were still walking and driving the goats. On account +of the limited space I can tell but very little of their experiences +along the way. One circumstance, however, that gave us much concern +was that there were many streams to cross, and at one place by driving +the goats along on the mountain-side the children would miss having to +cross the stream several times, and they were required to take the +mountain-side. It was steep and above the river. Sometimes they would +slide and have considerable difficulty in stopping, and the goats would +run up the mountains, jump on rocks, and cause trouble. My husband drove +on and would not wait for them at the bridge, which was about a mile +from where they started, and it was some time before I saw them again, +a time of great anxiety. It was one of the times when I had to trust +the Lord to take care of them. + +After the children had driven the goats about two weeks, my husband +sold them. One day about four weeks after we left our home, I heard my +husband tell a man that he was going to ----. This was the town the +Lord had shown me would be our future home. You will remember that our +clothing was left behind, so that our appearance was not presentable; +but I deepened my consecration and told the Lord that if he wanted us +to go in such a plight, I could say amen. Before we arrived, he opened +the way for us so that we looked quite presentable, considering the +fact that we were traveling. A week before our arrival, I wrote for the +trunks to be sent to the town. We arrived in safety. Three weeks after +I wrote for our goods, they had not arrived, and so I wrote again. We +received a letter from the people saying that they had moved and left +the trunks in the house, which was not locked. We gave them the dishes +and other things in order to get them to take the goods to the railroad, +and upon the arrival of the trunks we found them just as I had packed +them. + +We were now glad to be with the dear people of God and to know that the +captivity was turned. My husband began telling the usual stories, but +they were not received even by his own people. He became very miserable +and alarmed about his own safety on account of the people. He left the +town, and has never been heard from. During these years of trial, many +hours of deep concern have been spent with a hope and trust that the +dark shades which cover his life may be swept away and that even yet his +future life here on earth may be crowned with the blessings of the Lord +and the presence of the Almighty. I do not know what the future holds in +store, but I am expecting some good things from God, whether or not my +pathway is strewn with trials. + +In relating this experience, I have been obliged to omit many things +that could have been told and that might have been helpful to others who +are passing through similar trials, as there are so many experiences +that would not be advisable to publish. I believe that the good part may +be a help and encouragement to many who have like trials and that the +sad experiences may be a warning to those who trifle with the mercy of +God. My dear husband might have been with us and happy today instead +of suffering an awful foretaste of the regions of the lost, had he +only been obedient to the Lord and walked in the light of his Word. +The sister who was in Arkansas is with us, and we are working together +for the Lord. + +I have humbly submitted everything into the hands of the Lord and have +been better able to understand the words of the Psalmist, wherein he +said, "Teach me thy way, 0 Lord, and lead me in a plain path, because +of mine enemies. Deliver me not over unto the will of mine enemies: +for false witnesses are risen up against me, and such as breathe out +cruelty. I had fainted, unless I had believed to see the goodness of the +Lord in the land of the living. Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, +and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord." + + + + +Experience of a School-Teacher in India + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 16 + + +The message of the cross is the same in every clime. The Spirit of the +Lord will enlighten all darkened hearts that are receptive to the truth. + +In the year 1904 there was a striking occurrence in one of our meetings +in the Punjab district in northwestern India. An intelligent young lady, +a native school-teacher, offered her services as interpreter one Sunday +while I preached on the subject of the ordinances of the Bible. + +She became very much interested in the story of the cross, and as the +prophecy was read from the fifty-third chapter of Isaiah, she was much +affected. After interpreting sentence by sentence a vivid description of +the crucifixion-scene and the story of how the Savior gave his life for +the salvation of those who are lost in sin, she suddenly stopped, began +wringing her hands, and fell upon her knees. In the bitter anguish of +her soul she cried, "O Lord! I am a sinner! I am a sinner! Have mercy +upon my soul!" + +For a few minutes the services changed to a prayer-meeting. Her efforts +were with such earnestness and sincerity of heart that she was soon able +to realize a fulfilment of the promises by faith, and received a witness +to her soul that the Lord Jesus was now her Savior. + +She arose rejoicing and continued to interpret with much fervency of +spirit, realizing the truthfulness of the words of the apostle when he +said that the gospel of Christ "is the power of God unto salvation to +every one that believeth." + + + + +Unconquered Will Won by Love + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 17 + + + "Some feet there be which walk life's track unwounded, + Which find but pleasant ways, + But they are few. Far more there are who wander + Without a hope or friends; + Who find their journey full of pains and losses, + And long to reach the end." + +Yet if, like Elisha's servant, we could open our blind spiritual +eyes, how often we might discover myriads of angels waiting only for +a submissive spirit and a surrendered will to plant such feet upon +substantial ways of blessings and courage instead of the ways of the +wounds and thorns and crosses. If I had but the power to tell of some +such experiences of my own, I feel it might encourage some other soul +to surrender fully to God a life that otherwise has been a failure. +There is no doubt that God has ministering servants ever ready to wait +on the soul that surrenders to his will. The difficulty is always the +unsurrendered will. + +When I was about fourteen years old, an evangelist came to our town to +preach a full salvation, one that saves from sin and sanctifies the +soul. The Holy Spirit was working in many hearts. One evening as I was +riding home facing the west at sunset, I beheld, in the shifting of +the clouds, a huge black cross. It stood there between me and the sun. +I thought of Jesus dying on the cross, and that seemed very fitting, +though of course very sad. As this cross remained there, it impressed me +more solemnly, until I began to realize that there might be a cross for +me also. But I said: "Life is what we make it. I do not want crosses; I +choose other things." At last a gorgeous crown of the sunset enveloped +the cross, and in my heart I knew that without the cross there would be +no crown. The difficulty had arisen between me and God. His ministering +servants were ready to spare me the "pains and losses," but my will was +not surrendered. I would not bear the cross. + +Another warning came to me a few nights later, when I was invited to the +home of a friend to attend a dance. I thought of the meeting and its +solemn significance, and felt uneasy about going. I wanted to please +Jesus, who had borne the cross for me, but I justified myself in going +because the crowd was select. I went to my room thus battling with my +conscience. I knelt as in prayer and soon felt what seemed unmistakably +to be the presence of some one in my room. I looked up, and it seemed +that I could see the smiling face of Jesus. Sweetness filled my soul, +and the room was full of joy. All earthly pleasures faded away. I had +no desire for anything now but this captivating Jesus. My heart was +enraptured. Christ, I realized then, was sufficient. + +This, you see, was given that I might understand how Christ might +make all crosses easy to bear. To be sure, this impression sank deep, +and I have never forgotten it, but my will was yet unsurrendered and +unconquered. I would not come when called in sweetest tones. In a +"journey full of pains and losses," "without hope or friends," I walked +life's track. God did not have his way, but I had mine. Often, so often +in the years that followed I remembered the last night of the revival +that had brought to my mind such serious thoughts. At the close of the +last sermon a gospel worker came directly to me. I was confused. I had +not decided what to do. I did not want to cast my lot with these people; +I wanted to join a more fashionable church. As she approached me, +I whispered to her, "I am going to join the other church." She said, +"Be sure your heart is right," but I was not sure. + +Perhaps if I had had more teaching about surrendering my will to God, +I would have yielded and in this way avoided the powers of hell that +laid hold upon me from that time. I was powerless in the hands of these +unseen foes. Everything went against me. My life was ruined. There was +no hope. Despair was my companion for years. Sickness and disease +possessed my body, and sin became my hated master. + + "Could we but draw back the curtains + That surround each other's lives, + See the naked heart and spirit--ah, if we only could! + + "If we knew--alas! and do we + Ever care to know + Whether bitter herbs or roses + In our neighbor's garden grow?" + +I attended many churches, heard many noted preachers, my soul suffering +the while from awful convictions and desires for a higher life, but +without a ray of light. After years of suffering I finally discerned +that what was necessary was to make a complete surrender of myself to +God. This I did with all my heart, hesitating no longer to bear any +cross he saw fit to send. I made a full surrender, and God gave me +salvation. At this time I had great need of spiritual advice; for I was +so ignorant of the laws of salvation that I did not know that when God +had taken away my burden of sin and washed me clean and made my heart +feel so new and light and happy, he had made me his child. I knew about +as much concerning spiritual things as a heathen. At last, a very dear, +good woman became a mother to me. She was the first person who ever +asked me about my soul. She taught me to talk about spiritual things +and to understand them. She taught me the lessons of truth from God's +own Word. She showed me by God's Word how I might live entirely free +from the blight of sin, how I might dress and eat and live to his glory. +It was all very new, but it was all more pleasant than the choicest food +I had ever tasted. She taught me that by his Word and promises he was +able and willing to heal my mortal body. Physicians said my case was +hopeless and that I could live but a short time. I did not care to live +until God showed me I might live for others. Then I was ready to bear my +cross and God was ready to plant my feet on solid ground away from the +"pains and losses" that brought grief and misery to my life. Blessings +now fell upon my pathway. When fever fastened itself upon me and my body +was being rapidly consumed by its fires, God instantly raised me up. He +caused me to "forget the things of the past and press on." + + "Whilst thou wouldst only weep and bow, + He said, 'Arise and shine!'" + +He has given me a life victorious. He gave me a companion and little +children and over every adversity, sickness, and misunderstanding he +makes me victor. When my little girl lost her eyesight and became blind, +the Lord healed her in answer to prayer and restored her sight in an +instant. Time and space fail me to tell of the victorious incidents of +this blessed life that comes from surrendering a will to God. Ah, that +he might have fulfilled his purpose in the beginning! It was not his +will that I should suffer. + + "Can we think that it pleases his loving heart + To cause us a moment's pain? + Ah no, but he saw through the present cross + The bliss of eternal gain." + + + + +An Experience a Hundred Years Ago + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 18 + + +I have often thought of recording some of the mercies of my God--the +experience of his goodness to my soul. I was fond of the gaieties and +follies of the world until about fifteen years of age, when I became +awakened to the needs of my soul. In all former seasons when God called +me, I was unwilling to part with the vanities of the world or to bear +the reproach of the cross. I wanted the Christian's safety without his +duties and crosses, but I now fell at the Savior's feet and inquired +with trembling, anxious words: "Lord, what shall I do? I will part with +everything or do anything for an interest in Jesus." + +I do not recollect deep conviction for any particular sin, but sorrow +that I had lived so long in neglect of God, not being willing to +acquaint myself with him who is the fountain of all blessedness. I did +not obtain an evidence of pardon and acceptance for about three weeks, +though I sought it with prayer and tears. My burden had become exceeding +heavy, too heavy for my strength, and I sank to the floor. While +kneeling there I was absorbed in contemplation of the glories of the +heavenly world. In an instant darkness, sorrow, and mourning fled away, +and peace unspeakable and full of glory took their place. I rose to my +feet to sing and rejoice in the name of my dear Redeemer. + +I was away from home with a family who were not Christians, though +amiable, kind friends. I said nothing to them, but they had noticed my +distress and now observed the happy change. Among my private writings +I find the transaction thus recorded: + +"January 13, 1805.--I have this day publicly devoted myself to the +service of God and entered into a solemn covenant with the eternal King +of heaven to renounce the sinful pleasures of the world, with whatever +is displeasing in his pure and holy eyes; to walk in his commandments +and ordinances; to seek his glory and the best interests of his church +here below; and in confidence of well-doing, to look forward to a happy +inheritance with the saints in light." + +For a season I thought I was dead to the world, but did not persevere +in that course of consecration, which alone secures unwavering hope. +As I was the only young person in the neighborhood who professed +religion amid a large society, naturally amiable and loved, I had many +temptations to return to folly, which I mainly resisted; but sometimes +I went with them instead of endeavoring to bring them all to Christ. +Here I first experienced a diminution of my happiness. I could not go +from the circle of my folly to my closet and find my Savior and hold +sweet communion with him, but with adoring wonder, I remember that +when I repented, he forgave me. When I returned to him, he healed my +backslidings and loved me freely. + +After I was married, I was anxious to train my children in the ways of +the Lord, but through many cares and on account of having to work very +hard, I neglected their early religious instruction. I found that I +needed a deeper work of grace in my heart, and when for the time I ought +to be a teacher, I had need that one teach me again the first principles +of the oracles of God. My prayer was, "Create in me a clean heart, O +God, and renew a right spirit within me." I wanted to be freed from sin +and thoroughly cleansed from all iniquity, so that I should never vex or +grieve him more. + +For something more than a year I suffered much from the buffetings +and temptations of Satan. I knew that Jesus was near and sustained me +in those conflicts, although it seemed that he had left me alone to +contend with the powers of darkness. In the midst of these trials I had +temptations of rebellion against God to call him unjust, to reproach him +for creating me. The temptations came to "contradict him." I did it, +but oh, the horror of that moment! Until then I had resisted every +temptation, as I thought, but now a worm crushed to the earth beneath +the mountain weight of its sins had dared to rise in the face of +infinite wisdom and excellence and contradict him. This, I thought, must +be the sin for which there is no forgiveness. But I could weep tears of +penitence; could sink at his feet and own it just. What less could his +insulted majesty and purity do than crush the rebel worm! But he did not +do it. Not even a frown was upon his gracious brow. It seemed that there +was salvation for every sinner who had not, like me, contradicted him +and thereby made him a liar. I contemplated the glorious character of +God and concluded that unless I could find evidence that my sin was +against the Holy Ghost, I should only be repeating that dreadful sin +while I refused to believe the promises intended for me when penitent. + +I retired with my Bible spread open before me and, kneeling down, read +and prayed over the chapters in Hebrews which represent the blessed +Savior as our sacrifice and high priest. In the twenty-fifth verse of +the seventh chapter I found this assurance: "He is able to save them to +the uttermost that come unto God by him, seeing he ever liveth to make +intercession for them." Here was something to meet my case. "To the +uttermost" I had insulted him, but "to the uttermost" he could save. +I believed and here my soul entered into rest. I embraced the promises, +rich and boundless, as my own. In Christ Jesus they are all there for +me. I felt and said with heaven-born confidence, "This is firm footing; +this is solid rock. My feet are placed upon it to remove no more." The +view was not transporting or rapturous like my first conversion (if so +it may be called), but calm, delightful, "strong consolation," firmer +than the everlasting hills because founded on the immutable Word and +oath of God in Christ. It was "hope as an anchor to the soul, both sure +and stedfast, and which entereth into that within the veil." + +Eleven years have passed since, and my peace has been like a river. In +the world, to be sure, I have had tribulation and expect to have, for +Jesus told me I should; but, blessed be his name! in him I have peace. +I love the subject of Christian perfection, or entire sanctification +in this life; but I have not been fully able to reach the point to +obtain that deeper experience. Yet I believe I perfectly desire to do +the will of God. May God bless the efforts of all dear brethren who are +laboring to promote the sanctification of believers. + + + + +An Indian Mother's Submission + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 19 + + +To show that God works the same in the hearts of his people wherever +they are, I wish to mention the experience of one of my Indian sisters. +Her little son contracted enteric fever. Every possible aid was given +him, but he continued to grow worse. The fever caused him to become +unconscious at intervals. The parents then decided to remove him to a +hospital, that he might have skilled attention. Soon after being taken +to the hospital, he became entirely unconscious, in which condition he +remained for weeks, yes, for months. He was unable to take nourishment +in the natural way and became a wonder to all who came to see him, as he +was at the point of death yet did not die. Many who were not acquainted +with the parents, but heard of the case, went to the hospital to see +him. + +The father and mother spent as much time as possible at the hospital, +but when weeks and months had passed, they gave up hope for his recovery. +All the Christians who knew of this child's sickness were praying for +him and felt that God only could restore him to health. The parents knew +a man who believed in divine healing and called him, and he anointed the +child and prayed for him. He became so sick that the doctor thought he +would not live until morning, and asked the parents to remain at the +hospital that night. + +The next day the father and mother went for a walk together, and while +out walking he said to her, "We must become reconciled to losing our +child, for it seems God is going to take him." At first the mother-heart +could not yield to giving up the child, but at last she became resigned. +Soon after this the child regained consciousness, but was weak, and his +mind was almost a blank. He was like a new-born babe and had to learn to +speak, although he was about nine years of age. Some thought he would +never be normal again, and others thought he would be crippled. Since +he has been restored to health, when that mother sees him enjoying the +right use of his faculties and limbs, her heart is filled with +thankfulness and praise to God. + +She told me that the affliction of their child was a means of drawing +their hearts closer to the Lord, and of enabling her to experience the +sweet rest of being fully submitted to God, whereby she was afterwards +able to teach others the way. + +Just before this she had been urging a bereaved friend, who was grieving +too much over the loss of her father, to become resigned to the will of +God. Her friend said, "You can not appreciate my loss, for you have +never suffered such a loss." She saw the force of her friend's remark +and said no more. But when the affliction came upon her child and she +was called upon to become resigned to the will of God, she came to know +not only that it is possible to be resigned but that there is a great +consolation in being submissive. When her friend afterwards came to know +of her submission, she was very much affected. + +Both my friend and her husband feel that God has given them their child +from the grave, and their testimony is that through this severe ordeal +they have come to love their Savior more. + + + + +The Conversion of My Father + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 20 + + +The most precious experience in my life, I believe, next to my own +conversion, was the salvation of my own dear father, for whom I had +prayed a year and a half. He joined the Baptist denomination when only +a young man, but, not having the real witness of sins forgiven, never +felt satisfied with his Christian experience, or rather his profession. +A few years later, feeling that he would be acting a hypocrite to go on +in that condition, he even dropped his profession. + +Eighteen or twenty years ago he attended a revival held by the United +Brethren people and began to seek God. Night after night he went forward +for prayer, but for lack of proper instruction, failed to find the peace +he so earnestly sought. + + +A DISCOURAGEMENT + +One day in this great soul-struggle, he called at the home of one of the +ministers to know just how to get rid of the great load of sins he was +carrying. He was completely baffled and disappointed. The minister said: +"It is like this: A man might be carrying a heavy sack of sand upon his +shoulders, and if for some reason there should come a little hole in the +bottom of the sack and the sand begin to escape, it would leak out so +slowly that it would be sometime before the burdened man would realize +any difference in the weight of his load, and only in the end, after it +had all slipped through a little hole, would he awaken to the fact that +the entire load was gone. Now, just so it is with your burden of sins. +As you begin to seek God, they begin to run out, but you will not +realize any change at first, and it will take some time for you to +realize that your load of guilt is really gone after you are fully +forgiven." + +Poor father! He turned away sick at heart, for he longed for an +instantaneous work to be done in his soul. Through this discouragement +he gave up trying to find God and for many years continued in that +unhappy, dissatisfied state of soul and mind, although he often desired +to be a true Christian for the sake of his family as well as for his own +peace of mind, and yearned to be able to "read his title clear to +mansions in the sky." + +In the spring of 1906 his brother and family came to make us a short +visit before their departure from the homeland as missionaries to a +foreign country. For some months they had been especially burdened +that at least one of our relatives should be saved before they crossed +the ocean to their mission field. Their pure, holy lives made a deep +impression upon me, and through their earnest prayers and fastings for +my poor soul, I was constrained to forsake sin and yield myself to the +Lord. I was glad to embrace the privilege of being with the humble +people of God who worship him in spirit and in truth, and to become one +of them. I had a feeling, however, that my father might be displeased +with me for making such a decision; but when I met him a few weeks +later, my soul leaped with joy, for he expressed himself as being glad +that I had given my heart to God, and even made a favorable expression +concerning my decision to associate with the people of the church of God. + +From this time I was much encouraged and determined to do what I could +to help win my father and other loved ones to the Lord. I often read to +him from the Bible and explained passages of Scripture as best I could, +especially those that clearly taught a life of freedom from sin. Being +a school-teacher, my work called me away from home much of the time, +but the burden continued for the salvation of my father. + + +EFFORTS BY MAIL + +A year after the Lord saved me, I went to a distant city to engage in +the work of the Lord. One day I wrote a few words of exhortation to my +father on the blank space of a little tract entitled Prepare for Heaven, +and sent it with an earnest prayer that the Spirit of the Lord would +apply the little message to my father's heart. In answer to this letter, +he wrote me thus: "My Dear Daughter: I would give this whole world, were +it mine to give, for this great salvation which you possess and are +writing about." Then he opened his heart and frankly told me of his +miserable condition and of how very hard it was for him to get right +with God. He closed by asking me to pray God to send heavy conviction +upon him. + +It is needless to say that I became more earnest in praying and fasting +for his soul. I felt much impressed to write him a helpful letter. Not +only did I feel my inability to do so, but for lack of time deferred +writing until I met with an accident that sprained my ankle badly, and +then one day when I was unable to go about my work, I was reminded of my +opportunity of writing to father. As I began writing and pouring out +my heart to him, the blessings of the Lord rested upon me insomuch that +it seemed I could write scarcely without effort; and as I mailed the +letter, it was with an earnest prayer that the Lord would prepare my +father for all that was written. + +Some time later my father told me that he received this letter one +morning before breakfast, and that although the letter was very lengthy, +he sat down by the cook-stove and read it through. He said he marveled +at it, for he had not believed that I was capable of writing the things +that it contained. I do not remember what all I wrote, but I do praise +God that the letter had the desired effect. Strange to say, though +tobacco was not mentioned in the letter, yet when he had finished +reading it, he thrust his hand into his pocket and seizing the thing +that had almost become his constant companion, and holding it up before +throwing it into the fire, said to my mother, with the tears streaming +down his face, "I'll never touch it again if it kills me." Thank God, +who had enabled him to make that determined decision. It meant much to +him and was indeed a good beginning of his complete surrender to God. +I had seen him try many times to quit using this thing that had so +enslaved him. He had even gone as long as six months without it in his +earnest efforts to break loose; but, sad to say, at the end of that time +he had come to the end of his strength, and, not having God to help him, +he was compelled, it seemed, to fully surrender again to the enemy and +thus become more deeply enslaved. Now his decision was very definite, +and in response to his earnest entreaties to the Lord, the abnormal +appetite was removed. + +The tone of his letter received a few days later indicated to me that he +was under a weight of conviction and was ready and willing to humble his +heart before the Lord. As there was soon to be a meeting, he said in his +letter, "Daughter, will you please have those good brethren and sisters +pray for me? The Bible tells us that the effectual fervent prayer of the +righteous man availeth much." Portions of his letter were read to the +congregation, and earnest, fervent prayer was offered in his behalf. + +At the close of the meeting the minister and his wife accompanied me +home for the purpose of imparting spiritual help to my father. Upon our +arrival we found Father anxious to know the will of God, that he might +find real rest to his soul, if possible. He listened attentively to the +conversation and instruction, but it seemed that he was bound. He had +a desire to pray, but said it seemed that he could not do so. He also +said: "The Bible tells us that we shall know that we have passed from +death unto life because we love the brethren, and now I must know it." +We assured him that it was possible for him to have such knowledge, but +that it must come through faith. + +After spending much time in prayer and earnest efforts to help him, we +had to let the case rest, and retired for the night heavily burdened for +the deliverance of his soul. The next morning at breakfast I could see +that my poor father was suffering, and his expression and pallor showed +that he had spent a hard, restless night. Surely the Lord was granting +the request made to me previously by letter, that he might have a deep +conviction. His appetite being gone, he soon left the table. + + +THE SURRENDER + +Arrangements had been made for him to take the minister and his wife to +the city, a distance of fifteen miles, where they were to begin a series +of meetings. He went to the barn to prepare for the trip, and while +doing his chores, he started with a pitchfork of hay to the hack, but +his heart was so heavy and the burden of sin so great that in the +blackness of despair he cried out, "O Lord! if I drop into hell the next +moment, let me go. I can't stand this any longer"; and, dropping his +fork, he sank to the ground on his face pleading for help. The Friend +that "sticketh closer than a brother" was right at his side. He heard +that cry, for almost immediately my father was up rejoicing and +laughing. "You are mocking God," was his first thought, and quite +dumbfounded he dropped on his face again and tried to cry and plead as +he had just been doing, but it was impossible. His heart was so light +and the burden so completely gone that he could not remain prostrate +longer. + +Now, strange to say, this great change was all so simple and so sudden +that the dear man could not comprehend at the time the glorious fact +that he had just been "born again," had just "passed from death unto +life." Still wondering over his changed condition, he finished his +morning chores. He led two frisky colts out to water and afterward +remarked how unusually well they behaved on this eventful morning. While +they drank, he stood looking up into the heavens, then out upon the +meadows and general surroundings. How beautiful everything appeared in +the beginning of this new day! Suddenly there came into his heart such +a love for the brethren that he wanted to rush into the house at once; +but, having those colts, he had first to return to the barn. Then he +came hastily to the house. + +Instead of being so borne down and dejected, he came rushing through +the front door laughing heartily. As he caught sight of me, the reality +of the situation dawned upon him, and he rejoiced in this new-found +life--real Bible salvation. He stretched out his arms to me over a rocker +that stood between us and exclaimed as he embraced me, "O daughter, +I believe!" Before he could say anything more on account of his great +rejoicing, with a feeling of deep love and fellowship he reached one +hand to Brother B. on the couch and the other to Sister B. in a rocker +near the stove. Then he said, "Let us pray." As we knelt in real +thanksgiving and praise, he began to pour out his heart in gratitude +to God for salvation. Indeed, he was no longer bound by Satan but was +free--yes, a new creature in Christ Jesus. When we arose rejoicing, +even the unsaved members of the family felt the mighty power of God and +gathered around weeping as we rejoiced and praised the Lord for this +great victory. + + +MY OWN STRUGGLES AND VICTORIES + +Now I wish to add just a few thoughts more in conclusion. All people do +not receive this glorious experience in just the same way, or always +manifest it as did my father. It was not my privilege at the time of my +conversion to have the great flood of good feelings that he enjoyed; but +instead I let my faith waver, and shortly after being saved I became +seriously troubled with doubts and accusations. Just after my father had +been rejoicing so happily, the devil almost crushed me with the thought +that perhaps, after all, I had never been saved, as I had never realized +such an experience as he had realized. + +Could it be possible, I thought, that even though I have been so burdened +for my father and have prayed so earnestly for him that I am not saved +and never have been? The very thought almost made me faint-hearted. +Then I remembered that the minister and others had confidence in me, +and I knew that my life was completely changed, as I had really lost +the desire for worldly pleasure, which I once so much enjoyed, and had +become interested in the things of God. In reading my Bible, I saw that +my life measured to its teachings so far as I understood. Therefore I +took courage and tried to banish these accusations and leave my case +with God. + +But the enemy did not forget me, and it seemed that I should be drawn +back into his whirlpool of doubts in spite of myself, more especially +as I listened to my father in the next few weeks telling others about +salvation. It was evident that he thought every one must obtain an +experience of salvation in the same manner that he obtained it. My case +was so different that finally I could suppress my feelings no longer, +and boldly confessed to him one day that my experience was not like his +and that if it ought to be I was not saved. Never shall I forget that +moment. It meant so much to me. I wondered if he would lose confidence +in my profession and if it was really true, and if it could possibly +be true, that I was yet unsaved. These serious questionings were soon +banished from my mind, for he looked at me and said, "Daughter, I know +you are saved. Your life has proved it." Thank God, he did not doubt it; +so I took courage and with a mighty effort put the accuser to flight +again. + +This experience was good for my father, as it had a tendency to balance +him so that he would not be too exacting with others. Since that time +other members of our family have sought God for the pardon of their +sins, and with some of them the new life came in a calm, peaceful way, +rather than with such emotional manifestations. The leadings of the Lord +are wonderful, and the riches of his grace in the Christian life are +inexhaustible. + + + + +My Spiritual Struggles and Victories + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 21 + + +I was reared on one of the hilliest, stumpiest, and stoniest Canadian +farms I have ever seen. How vividly there come to my mind my boyhood +experiences of chopping cord-wood to pay my high-school expenses; of +stumping, logging, and picking stones until the skin was worn off my +fingers and the stones were stained with my blood. I then thought that +mine was a very hard life, but I have long since looked back to those +boyhood experiences as God's way of providing me with a physique that +has enabled me to serve three years as a missionary in British North +America, where the winds were intensely cold and where I was once for +twenty-four hours lost in a blizzard at forty-five degrees below zero. +In sharp contrast, I have been twenty-eight years in India's tropical +heat. This was a preparation for my life-work and in my judgment is +God's general method with all his people. + +When I was a boy of ten summers, a boyhood friend of my father's visited +him. They were taking a walk, and, unnoticed, I followed them. Then I +overheard my father's friend praise my brothers and sisters, but say of +me, "Frank will never amount to much." My father vigorously protested +and sang my praises until I made this resolution: "I must not disappoint +my father. I will do something worthy of consideration." That hour I was +intellectually awakened. + +Parents, let your young people know that you believe in them. About the +same time our pastor preached a missionary sermon, at the end of which +he circulated a subscription. When the paper came to me, I said to my +father, "May I subscribe?" He replied, "If you earn and pay your own +money, you may." I subscribed one dollar. I had it earned long before +the collectors came around, and wished either that I had subscribed +more or that the collectors might come soon. That subscription was the +beginning which ended in my giving myself. Parents, give your children +a chance to link themselves definitely with Jesus in saving a lost world. + + +MY CONVERSION + +When I was a boy of about thirteen, my father said to me one evening at +the setting of the sun, "Water the stock." Soon some boys arrived, and, +being a real boy, I forgot my work and played. + +A little later my father asked, "Have you done what I told you?" + +"Yes, father," I replied. + +He knew I had not, and I even now recall that he said not a word but +walked away in the twilight so burdened and bowed because of hearing a +falsehood from his own boy that it suddenly gave him the appearance of +an old man. The boys left, and I watered the stock. Then, boy like, I +forgot, went to bed and slept. During the next forenoon Mother called +me to her and said: + +"Do you know your father neither went to bed nor slept all last night?" + +I replied, "No, Mother, I do not know. Why didn't he sleep?" + +Mother's answer was, "Your father spent all last night praying for you." + +My saintly mother's words and tears went through my heart like an arrow +and rang like a bell in my ears, and I became powerfully convicted of +sin. Just following that a series of revival meetings were held which +continued for several weeks. I became a seeker and had no rest until +I found it in penitence and a consciousness of pardoned sin. I was the +only convert during the meetings, and critics said, "He will backslide +in a few weeks. The revival is a failure." But I am here to tell the +story that I am still saved by grace. + +I could never reward my father for that night of prevailing prayer, but +he lived to see me become a minister, a missionary, and to hold the +highest position on the mission field, and then the Lord called him to +his eternal reward. My mother entered into rest about two years previous +to that time. + +It is my hope and prayer that the story of my father's night of +prevailing prayer may encourage other parents to pray as he did. Parents +may not always through prayer be able to break the wills of their +children and compel them to surrender to Jesus, but I do believe that +my father prayed until God sent such conviction through the Holy Spirit +that sin became such an unbearable burden that I gladly yielded my will +to the will of my God; prayed until my sins were pardoned, the burden +removed, and I was genuinely converted. I firmly believe that the same +heavenly Father will hear the cry of other parents, and for their +encouragement I leave this testimony concerning God's answer to my +father's fervent prayers. + +After my conversion I rejoiced many days in the delight of that +precious experience. For months I had a real and precious joy in the +consciousness of pardoned sin, but after a time I found that I did not +have a continuous, abiding peace and rest. There was a longing for +something more than it seemed I now possessed. As a boy I tried very +hard to be good, and as I look back I believe that I lived a very +correct outward life. I lived among a very godly people, who set a high +ideal before me, one to which I felt I could not live. I observed my +daily prayers, but suffered many an inward defeat. + + +MY SPIRITUAL STRUGGLES + +I can not now recall that I ever heard a sermon on heart-purity or +victory over the power of sin. No person in the congregation where our +family attended meetings professed holiness, nor do I remember that the +experience was talked about. The people did speak of "having religion" +and "more religion." There were people in the congregation whom I still +believe lived holy lives, and the testimony of their lives convicted me, +for I knew that they had an abiding joy and peace in their religion that +I had not. I therefore became very much dissatisfied with my inner life +and was struggling all the time for an experience such as I knew others +enjoyed. + +The weekly testimony of a man who attended our prayer-meetings was, +"I have just enough religion to make me miserable." That is, he had too +much religion to get his pleasure out of the world and not enough to get +it out of his religion. I always felt that that man told the experience +I then had. For three years I endured that exceedingly unsatisfactory +religious experience. I then attended a revival and went forward for +prayer night after night, but no relief came to my poor burdened heart. +As my case became more desperate, I recalled the story of Jacob. He +prayed until the morning, and at the rising of the sun the angel +appeared and blessed him. I spent several nights in prayer, but found no +relief. + + +GAINING THE VICTORY + +On Saturday morning about sunrise I was on a straw stack in the barnyard +with a long hay-knife cutting across the stack to loosen the straw to +feed the cattle. While thus working and in a despondent, meditative +mood, wondering what I could do, there seemed suddenly to float out +before me in the air in illuminated letters, "John three sixteen." I +began to read, "God so loved the world." I reasoned then that God so +loved me that "he gave his only begotten Son." All was clear thus +far. Then I came to that all-inclusive word, "whosoever." I stopped at +"whosoever" and recalled the story I heard of Richard Baxter, who said, +"I would rather have the word 'whosoever' in John three sixteen than +have Richard Baxter, for then I should at once be tempted to believe +it was for some other Richard Baxter." + +I reasoned, "I know that my name is in that 'whosoever.'" I then +read on--"believeth on him." "Do I believe on him?" This was the next +question to be settled. During several years I had, in competition for +a Sunday-school prize, recited the whole four Gospels. In thought I ran +over what the New Testament said about Jesus and cried out, "I believe +every word of the gospel; Lord, I do believe." + +Then I read on--"should not perish." Quick as a flash I saw the weak +place in my faith. I had been believing on Jesus, but feeling that I +should perish. At that point I sprang to my feet on the straw stack and +read it over again--"Should not perish, but have everlasting life." Then +I saw that through doubt I had treated the promise as though it read +"should perish and not have everlasting life." I cried out, "Lord, I +will reverse it no longer. I will believe it as it reads." + +Then I seemed to have another inspiration. I had long been troubled +about understanding what it meant to believe. I had worked out a theory +that if I could for a moment forget everything else in the world and see +Jesus on the cross, that would be "exercising saving faith"; and when +praying, I would find myself trying to do that. I now asked myself this +question: "How do you believe your mother's promise?" The answer was +at once, "I believe because I believe in my mother, the promiser." The +next moment I realized that believing Mother's promises was not a mental +effort and struggle such as I had been going through for years, but a +mental rest. I just believed that her promise was true without any effort +whatever, not because I felt it, but because Mother made it. Then I +cried, "Jesus made this promise, and I believe it." + +Then I waited and looked again into my heart for the feeling, but no +feeling came. I then saw clearly for the first time that I was trusting +partly in Jesus and partly to my feelings. Presently the Spirit showed +me that feeling never saves any one, that only Jesus saves. I remember +that, standing on the straw stack, I cried out, "O Jesus! I put my +all on thy promise, and I will leave all with thee." But alas! again +I waited for the feeling as a witness, and was sure it would come, but +it did not come. I was still trusting partly in Christ and partly to +feeling. At last I turned away from looking for feeling and cried aloud: +"My Jesus, I stake my all on John three sixteen. If I never have any +feeling and if I am lost, I will quote this promise before thee at the +judgment and say, 'I cast my little all upon it and trusted it, but it +failed me. It is not my fault; it is thine.'" + +I had finally, after years of struggling, come where I trusted wholly +"in the word of the Lord." Then suddenly I received a definite assurance +and great heart-warming peace and joy. At last the witness of the Spirit +was mine. Leaping from the straw stack, I ran to my mother, threw my +arms around her neck, and shouted, "Mother, I am fully saved! I am fully +saved!" + +Up to that time I had not had any teaching concerning an experience +of sanctification or holiness and had heard no testimonies concerning +such an experience, except the testimony of the life of Christians who +were living it and professing it under another name. There was in the +congregation where I worshiped a sweet-faced, white-haired saint whom +we called Mother Robinson. She had prayed a drunkard husband into +the kingdom, and my memory even to this day recalls her high type of +Christian experience, and I want to bear my strongest possible testimony +to the power there is in the testimony of a pure, sweet, and kind life. + +Now after years of study and hearing the testimony of many, it is clear +to me that during those years as a boy I prayed myself through to the +abiding life and what I now believe to be the experience of Scriptural +holiness, which, as I understand it, is such a freedom from sin, +self-will, and selfishness, and such a passionate love for Jesus, +that the heart longs above all things for his approval, companionship, +guidance, and blessing, and that gratefully and joyfully gives Jesus +"in all things the preeminence." + + + + +Thought He Had Sinned Away His Day of Grace + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 22 + + +The enemy of souls has laid many plans and has many devices to +deceive people and harass their minds and thereby cause them to +bring unnecessarily heavy burdens upon themselves. One of his common +impositions is to make a person think that he has committed the +unpardonable sin and that all hope of ever obtaining favor with God +again is forever gone. When such persons are told that they are laboring +under a delusion, and that there is hope for them; that others have felt +the same way and formed the same conclusion, but afterwards learned +that it was only a deception of the enemy, and were able to renounce +the delusion and obtain a good experience and keep it, the answer in +most cases is, "My case is different." "Had I taken advantage of past +opportunities when I had a chance to do so, I might have been saved, +but now it is too late." + +Time after time I have labored with those who were sure that their cases +were "different" from that of any one else, and that hope was beyond +their reach. The situation and feelings seemed so real that no amount +of reasoning or evidence to the contrary could change their minds until +they became submissive enough to submit themselves to the mercy of God +and accept advice and counsel and act upon it. Then they were very soon +liberated from the oppressions of the enemy and set free by the grace +of God. + +One laboring under a deception frequently undergoes as deep suffering of +mind and soul as if the situation and conditions were real. A lady once +received what was supposed to be an authentic report that her son had +been killed in a railway wreck. Circumstances were such that she could +receive no communication from him, which apparently added evidence to +the truthfulness of the story. Her mother-heart was grief-stricken. In +the anguish of her bereavement she refused to be comforted. Later she +was told that there was a possibility of his having escaped death, that +he was probably yet alive, and that evidence had been received to that +effect. No, her feelings were too real, her grief was too great, for +her to be deceived, she declared. One day her son arrived home sound +and well, and did not even know that there had been a train-wreck at the +place whence the report came. The mother then found that her sorrow and +grief had been groundless. She accepted the status of affairs, cast +aside the false report and her bad feelings, and was happy. + +Not long ago I met an old acquaintance, a man above seventy years of +age, whom I had not seen for many years. At the time of our former +meeting he was enjoying the blessings of a Christian experience and +was happy in the service of the Lord. Through devotional neglect, and +perhaps for other reasons, he began to entertain doubts concerning his +spiritual experience, and he questioned whether or not he had any right, +under the circumstances, to lay claim to Christian fellowship with those +whom he knew to be spiritual. He knew of nothing sinful that he had +done, and he needed not to waver in faith. But the tempter was there +to suggest that he had lost his experience and might just as well give +up the struggle. He then concluded that the brethren did not have +confidence in him, and therefore he dropped his profession. + +His heart was still tender, and he did not feel disposed to indulge +in sin. In a short time he made "another start" to serve the Lord and +tried to repent; but, having so little to repent over, and finding it +difficult to have the same earnestness as before, he claimed the victory +"by faith," but was soon in "doubting castle" again. These up-and-down +experiences continued for many months, during which his spiritual realm +was more down than up. Discouragement laid hold upon him, despair +followed hard on his track, and the enemy whispered that it was of +no use to try any more. The way began to be more and more dreary. +Occasionally, however, he was seized with a feeling of desperation to +break loose from the state of lethargy into which he had fallen, but +alas! his victories were of short duration. These experiences were +followed by the accusations of the enemy that he was possessed with +devils. Brethren who prayed with him declared that such was not the +case. + +The darkest scriptures of judgment and everlasting destruction seemed to +have been written for him, and, as he viewed the matter, they exactly +fitted his case. He had doubted so often when it seemed the Lord was +offering a helping hand, that now it was too late; the last cord was +severed, the last ray of hope had vanished. It was no difficult matter +to believe that he had committed the unpardonable sin, and that God had +forever hid his face from him. He resigned himself to the hopelessness +of the situation, to meet his fate at the end of his life here upon +earth and spend eternity in the regions of the lost. He spent a number +of years in this condition. + +At the time of our recent visit in a private home, I felt much concerned +about his deliverance from such a state and condition. Upon my approaching +him on the subject, he immediately informed me that it was useless to +waste any of my efforts on him, for his was a hopeless case, as he +had sinned against the Holy Ghost. Having met similar cases before, I +assured him that there was hope for him, and told him that I could prove +by the Word of God and by his own testimony that he had not committed +the crime that would cause him to be forever lost, as he had supposed. + +Taking my Bible, I turned to Heb. 10:29, which reads as follows: "Of how +much sorer punishment, suppose ye, shall he be thought worthy, who hath +trodden under foot the Son of God, and hath counted the blood of the +covenant, wherewith he was sanctified, an unholy thing, and hath done +despite unto the Spirit of grace?" + +"Have you trodden under foot the Son of God as herein mentioned?" he was +then asked. "No," he replied; "I have never doubted that there is a God +nor that Jesus Christ is his Son." + +"Have you counted the 'blood of the covenant an unholy thing,' that is, +that there is no more virtue in the blood of Jesus Christ than there is +in the blood of a cow or some other unholy thing?" + +"No, sir. I have never denied the power of the blood of Jesus nor 'done +despite to the Spirit of grace,'" he replied. + +"Then, according to the Bible and your own testimony, you have not +blasphemed against the Holy Ghost, nor, as you say, committed the +unpardonable sin by sinning against the Holy Ghost. You must forever +cease to entertain the idea that you have committed such a sin." + +He reluctantly admitted the truth in regard to that point, but said, +"There is such a thing as a man's going too far, of trifling so with God +that the Spirit of God will no longer strive with him." It was clearly +pointed out to him that he had never reached such an experience and that +he should cast aside his doubts and fears and call upon God, and was +assured that the Lord would save him. He then declared that he had no +will of his own, no power to exercise his will if he had any, and was +helpless. I told him that any one who could read human nature would at +once conclude that he was a man of strong will-power, and that no doubt +he frequently made others aware of that fact. His wife said, "That is +true; he knows very well how to exercise his will-power." + +He was then told to assert his manhood and take a decided stand, to +which he replied: + +"I have no manhood; I have no power to assert myself in any way." + +"But," I replied, "you have been in this town for the past few days, and +have asserted your manhood during your entire visit by acting the part +of a perfect gentleman. What you need to do now is to kneel with us here +in prayer and yield yourself to God, and he will save you the same as he +has saved others who thought they were beyond the reach of mercy." + +"But my case is different; my heart is hardened like stone; I can not +pray; I have no feeling." + +"Almost every one in your condition thinks his case is different. If you +act according to the instructions given, you will soon be different. +Your heart will be changed. Do your part in making the effort, and the +Lord will help you to pray, and you will have all the feeling +necessary." + +We knelt in prayer, laid our hands upon his head, and with a fervent +prayer rebuked the deceptive and binding power of Satan, and asked the +Lord to save him. He made an effort to pray, but his few words were soon +mingled with his sobs and feelings of deepest contrition. A few minutes +later he arose praising God for salvation. His doubts and fears had +vanished, and his burden was gone. He was once more a free man and had +no more fears of death and the judgment. The next day he returned home +with a joyful heart. I have frequently heard from him since that time, +and he has always sent a message concerning his victorious life. + +There are many others who have been harassed by the enemy in like +manner; who have lost all hope of recovering their favor with God; who +think that they are "different," "hard-hearted," "hopeless," "have +sinned away the day of grace," "are under the control of Satan," or in +some such like condition. Yet God in his love is extending mercy and +only waiting for them to discard their deceptive ideas and accept his +grace. + + + + +Spiritual Tests + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 23 + + +It is not always concerning temporal things and business affairs and +such like that we are tested. But it is the business of the enemy of +souls to contest every step on the way to victory. He will contest our +salvation and, if possible, get a person to reason with him; and when +you reason with the devil, you find him a good reasoner, if you allow +him to follow his own line of thought. He will quote Scripture, and give +plausible illustrations and logical reasonings. But when he is met as +Christ met him, with a "Thus saith the Lord," "It is written," and then +told what is written and where it is written, and such like, he is not +very long in taking his departure. But just begin to reason, and he +will entangle you in argument until you find yourself badly perplexed, +unless, like the Master, you give him a sharp rebuke and command him to +take his departure. + +Perhaps it would be a benefit to some one for me to give a little of my +own personal experience in this respect. At the age of fifteen I was +converted, receiving a real change of heart. The enemy of my soul was +never able to deny that fact, neither did he undertake it. For about ten +years I lived to what light I had, and after that began to obtain more +light in regard to entering into a deeper experience of divine life, or +entire sanctification. I was away from home and had no one to teach me +the way of holiness, but the Lord began to instruct me in his Word, and +after a few months I was enabled to see just what the Lord required of +me in order to obtain the experience desired. + +I had felt a hungering and thirsting for something more, for a deeper +experience. I had been taught, however, that this satisfying experience +could not be obtained until just before the time of death; but as +I read in the Word that without holiness no man should see the Lord +(Heb. 12:14), that we were to live in righteousness and holiness all +the days of our life (Luke 1:75), and that Jesus in his last prayer +(John 17:17-20) prayed that we might have that experience, I began to +see very clearly what my privilege was. His Word told me, "As he is, so +are we in this world," and, "We ought to walk even as he walked"; and +this was a closer walk with God than I had been accustomed to enjoy. + +It was not long until I reached the point where I made a full +consecration, and died the death to the world, and then, like the +apostles for whom Jesus prayed, I was in the world, but not of the +world, having had that worldly disposition taken out of my heart. When +I reached the point where I positively knew that everything was laid +upon the altar Christ Jesus, then I realized of a truth that the altar +sanctified the gift, and my heart was cleansed from all unrighteousness. +The Bible began to open up to me as a new book, and as I went about my +Master's business, doing his will as far as he made it known, I had many +rich experiences. Although, being of a very quiet disposition naturally, +I could not leap and shout as some, yet it was my privilege to be filled +with all the fulness of God. + +A few months later I was called by the Lord to accept a responsible +position in his work. For some months everything went so smoothly that +I had perfect victory all the way along and nothing that I could call a +severe trial or battle, because my eyes were stayed upon the Lord. But +there came a time for advancing further against the enemy, and the Lord +saw it was necessary for me to know more about a perfect faith and trust +in him in order to deal with other souls. So he permitted me to be +tested, to fit me for the work he had for me to do. + +Although my soul had been abounding in the riches of his glory for these +months as I was busily engaged in my work, one day a suggestion was made +to me by a silent voice that I had not had any overflowing blessings for +a few days. This did not disturb me, for I felt at perfect peace with +God. But soon the same suggestion was presented again and again. Finally +the silent voice or impression came on this wise: "Now you have been +in this condition almost a week." I felt that my soul during that time +had been at peace with God, and I was trusting my case in his hands. +I began, however, to search my consecration, as the accuser suggested +that there must surely be something wrong. + +I began to search my heart, and said, "If there is anything wrong, Lord, +I will make it all right," and I asked the Lord to search me. Feeling +that all was fully in the hands of the Lord, I was about to dismiss the +matter from my mind; but this suggestion came: "If you were sanctified, +you would not have a lack of that great joy." Then I said, "Lord, if +I am not sanctified, I am willing to get sanctified." So I began to +reconsecrate myself to the Lord, and presently I realized that I was +fully consecrated to God. Again I was ready to dismiss the matter, but +the voice said, "When a person falls from sanctification, he loses his +justification also, because he must commit sin in order to fall." Yes, +I realized that was so, and then came the words, "You are not saved." +I saw at once that it was the enemy, instead of the Lord, talking to me, +and like a flash from heaven I rebuked him. I said, "I know I am saved +through the grace of God; yes, and sanctified, too." And I boldly +declared it, whereupon the enemy took his departure. He saw that he was +the one defeated, instead of me. + +The enemy had thought that because I was young in the Lord's work I was +unable to know his devices. But the Lord was a match for him, and lifted +up a standard against him, instead of allowing me to be defeated and +overthrown. The Lord knew just how far to permit me to be tried and +tempted. This experience has been a source of much help to me since that +time; not only for myself, but in dealing with others. The devil is sure +to overstep the mark, and we can have the victory over him as long as we +keep our eyes stayed upon the Lord. And we can say like Paul, "I can do +all things through Christ, which strengtheneth me." + +There are some who worry and fret and have an abundance of trouble when +it is their own fault; and if they would put forth as great an effort +to gain a victory and keep it as they do to pet their troubles, there +would be a wonderful change and the enemy of souls would be defeated. + +A few years ago I met a brother who was weighted down with trouble and +sorrows much more than with the glory of God, and was much of the time +mourning over his trials and temptations, until his lot did really +seem to be a sad one. During my Christian experience I had been having +sweeping victory over the powers of the enemy, even through the severe +trials and temptations, because I had kept my eyes upon the Lord, and +had looked for victories instead of trials. In considering the case of +the brother, although I was young in the gospel work, I concluded that +if people were in such a condition it was their own fault, and that I +could feel as bad as any one if I desired. So I concluded to experiment, +but first asked the Lord not to permit me to fall into the hands of the +devil. + +Accordingly, though I had nothing whatever to feel bad about, I threw +myself on a couch and began to sigh and try to feel bad over something. +It was but a few minutes until I really did begin to feel miserable. +Some one came and desired to know if I was in trouble, but I turned away +and would not answer. In a short time I was feeling miserable enough to +weep and moan, and even bewail my condition. I then went to my room, +fastened the door, and began to call mightily upon God for deliverance +from such a condition. I had to put forth no little effort and take God +at his word and gain the victory over the powers of Satan. I there +learned the lesson that any one can feel bad and have a sorrowful time +whether or not he really has anything to feel bad about; but I never +desired to repeat the experiment. I have also found that God has power +not only to deliver from such a condition, but to keep the soul filled +with glory even through the severest testings. + + + + +The Confession of a Murderer + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 24 + + +While traveling in evangelistic and missionary work a few years ago +another minister and I met with a congregation in a Western city. When +I entered the place of worship, my eyes fell upon a woman sitting near +the altar. She was an object of pity because of her affliction, which +was of a very peculiar nature and noticeable at a glance. Although she +was a stranger to me and began uttering such expressions as "Praise the +Lord!" and "Halleluiah!" yet I felt that I discerned a false spirit +and was strongly impressed that she was possessed with a murderous and +deceptive spirit. At the close of the service we were asked to pray for +her healing. It was evident that she received no help, and although she +made a loud profession of religion, my conviction was deepened that my +former impressions were correct, and furthermore that she was guilty of +murdering an unborn child. + +After the next service this woman and her husband invited me to their +home. I went with a prayer that God would send conviction upon them and +save them from their deception and lost condition. After spending some +time in social conversation, I began to talk with them about their +spiritual condition. At first there was some resentment; for the enemy +of souls had made them believe that it was no great crime, in fact, no +crime at all; that she was really justified in committing the deed; +that as no one else knew of it and was not likely to know, she could +cover her sin and go on with a profession as a Christian and receive the +fellowship of other Christian people. She was kindly told that she had +a false spirit, one foreign to the Spirit of God. + +She broke down and, with tears streaming down her cheeks, confessed that +she had destroyed her unborn child, and said that the affliction soon +fastened upon her as leprosy did upon Miriam. Not until the time of our +visit did she fully realize the heinousness of her sin nor feel the +weight of her guilt. By justifying herself in the act and professing +religion without repentance, she had opened the door of her heart to +deception. + +But now as she became awakened to her real condition, the enemy +whispered, as he has done to many others under similar circumstances: +"It is too late now; there is no hope; for 'they which do such things +shall not inherit the kingdom of God'" (Gal. 5:21). She was told that +those who do such things and cover their sins or continue to do them +without forsaking them and without repenting are the ones who will +not inherit the kingdom of God. "He that covereth his sins shall not +prosper; but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy" +(Prov. 28:13). + +Prayer was offered in her behalf, the evil spirits were rebuked, and +she realized a gleam of hope for her deliverance, not only from the +deception into which she had fallen, but also from her sin. She began +to realize that God was ready to forgive her and set her burdened, +repentant heart free, and accept her as his child. Oh, how unworthy +she felt! + +Now came the question, "Must I confess this deed to the church, to my +neighbors, and to the world?" "No, the sin you committed was against +yourself and against God," I answered, "and it will do the church and +the world no good to know of it. In fact, a knowledge of it might be +an injury to some weaker ones. You have confessed it to God and he has +forgiven you, and as no one else is injured, there is no one else to +whom it need be confessed." + +When she had been made free from her guilt by the grace of God, she +could then come to him with faith for the healing of her body, and she +was delivered from her affliction. + +Another case was that of a gambler in one of the Western States who had +often been warned against the evils of gambling, but who would not heed +the admonitions of friends. He continued his life of folly until the +time came when, in the midst of his revelry, a contention arose between +him and a fellow gambler. The provocation was so great that both drew +deadly weapons, and to save his own life and at the same time to wreak +vengeance upon the other man, he fired the fatal shot, and his +antagonist fell dead at his feet. + +Immediately sorrow filled his heart because he had shed human blood, +thus making himself a murderer. In a short time he was behind +prison-bars to await trial, and the following message was flashed over +the wires to his brother: "I am in trouble; killed a man today; come." +Brothers, parents, and friends came with their sympathy and tears, money +and influence. Court after court convened, and from year to year the +case was continued or sentence was rendered and suspended. For a long +time he was under sentence of death. Money and influence prolonged the +case, and the indications were that it might be deferred many more years +if sufficient money was available. + +It was while in that dungeon awaiting the fulfilment of the +death-sentence that he felt the wooings of the Spirit of the Lord. He +read the New Testament and wrote to us to pray for him. He finally +confessed his sins to the Lord and found peace to his soul. He then +began to appropriate the promises to his own case for deliverance from +prison. God honored his faith and the faith of His servants who were +offering earnest prayers that he might be delivered. Contrary to the +advice of relatives and friends, he dismissed all legal counsel and +decided to place his case entirely in the hands of the God of heaven, +who delivered Daniel out of the lions' den and Peter out of prison. In +a short time his faith was rewarded by a message being flashed over the +wires for the authorities to open the prison-doors and let him go free. +Since then he has spent much time visiting prisoners and encouraging +them to put their trust in the Lord, who is mighty to save. + + + + +Making a Complete Surrender + +EXPERIENCE NUMBER 25 + + +From the time of my conversion in early life I longed to be useful in +helping others to find the way of salvation. But my inability and lack +of talent was an apparent barrier, and caused me to almost despair of +ever being able to accomplish the desire of my heart. + +Though I felt that I was a Christian, yet I had a longing in my soul for +a closer walk with God. There were times when I had spiritual struggles +within and without, and I did not know how to be an "overcomer," as +mentioned in the Bible. + +A few years later, while living in Ohio, I was awakened to the fact +that the Lord had promised the gift of the Holy Spirit to his believing +children and that it was my privilege to obtain that experience wherein +I could enjoy that "great grace" which was upon them all who were +assembled at one place after Pentecost. My heart yearned for the +experience that the people of those apostolic days enjoyed; and as I +read about how willing the Lord was to "give the Holy Ghost to them that +believe," and read that we were promised the "Comforter," who would +abide in our hearts, I decided to have the experience. + +My religious instructors gave me no encouragement; for they had not +attained to such an experience themselves and did not think it +attainable in this life. But undaunted, and determined to have relief +for my burdened soul, I sought the Lord earnestly to reveal to me the +secret of obtaining that abundant grace which I was convinced was within +my reach if I could only learn how to obtain it. + +The time came when my prayers were answered, and I was enabled to make +a complete consecration to the will of God. But before reaching that +point, I many times fell upon my knees or prostrated myself before the +Lord in earnest supplication for that grace. In the meantime I met +others who had received it, and I realized more than ever that what they +possessed was just the thing for which I had been seeking. There were +yet two points that seemed to hinder me in my final efforts. My desire +was to have such an outpouring of the Spirit as would cause me to leap +and shout the same as some others did when they received the Holy +Spirit. The second was that there was one thing which I had not fully +yielded to the will of God. Regarding that thing I made a conditional +surrender--that if God would give me the experience and then show me +that I held a wrong attitude, I would then yield the point. I thought +the Lord ought to accept my consecration and give me the experience I +had so long sought. But he would not do so. + +I began to submit myself to the Lord more fully, and he more clearly +opened my understanding to his Word and more definitely shed rays of +light upon my pathway concerning the point in question; then came the +words of Jesus, "Walk in the light while ye have the light, lest ye go +into darkness." My duty was now as clear to me as the morning sun. There +was no rebellion in my heart, the surrender was complete, and I could +with confidence say that my consecration reached the will of God on +every point, regarding all the things I could call to my mind and also +everything that might present itself in the future. There was no doubt +concerning my having made what we sometimes call a Bible consecration. + +Then I realized that I had a right to claim the promise and receive +its fulfilment. As I did so, laying claim to the promise as mine and +declaring the work was done because the Word of God said so, that +whatever touched the altar was made holy, I knew that by faith I had +touched the altar, Jesus Christ, and was made holy. I had become willing +to receive the blessing in any way that the Lord saw fit to bestow it. +Just at the time that I claimed the blessing as mine, quietness reigned. +It did not cause me to leap and shout as I had been expecting, but in +a quiet manner the Holy Spirit witnessed the work wrought in my soul. +I learned that the grace and glory or spiritual power that one possesses +is not dependent upon outward demonstrations of the body. While one may +leap and shout, another person of a different temperament may remain +quiet and yet be drinking just as deeply from the fountain of life. + +Although many years have passed, yet I have never once doubted the work +wrought in my soul at that time. Amidst the deepest trials of life, +sorrow, sickness, and adversity, I have found a sweet solace by trusting +all away with Him who understands our every need. + +Dark days and shadows of life may come, trials and temptations may +present themselves on every hand, the soul may be weighted down with +burdens that are heavy to bear, and accusations of the enemy and hours +of severe testing may come like a flood; yet for the trusting soul the +Spirit of the Lord will lift up a standard against the enemy and lead +onward to victory. To me the Lord has been "a very present help in +trouble" and a friend in time of need. + +When I see others struggling along and yearning for that experience +wherein their souls can be satisfied, my wishes are that they make an +unconditional surrender, know without a doubt that their consecration is +complete and that they are in all points consecrated to the will of God. +It is then that the promise can be claimed and the fulfilment realized. + +The greatest sinner on the face of the earth can find pardon through +the atonement of Jesus Christ by forsaking his sins, confessing them to +the Lord, and believing on him for deliverance. In like manner every +believer can be filled with the Holy Spirit and abound in the riches of +the grace of God. + + + + +Interesting Narratives and Helpful Instruction + + +Success and happiness in the Christian life do not always depend upon +favorable surroundings; under the most adverse and trying circumstances +men and women have made the greatest strides in spiritual advancement +and power. There may be occasional sorrows and suffering along the way, +but shall these things cast a gloom over our lives, even though at times +they be prolonged and severe? By no means should we allow opposition, +persecution, sorrow, suffering, mistakes, blunders, failures, and such +like to cause defeat and a giving way to discouragement. The discouraged +person is "no good," no matter where you find him. We must rise in the +midst of our trials and in the name and strength of the Lord shake off +discouragements. + +Trials will come, but what of it? Others have had just as severe trials, +and have surmounted them, and you and I can do the same. There will be +times when oppressions will be felt that seem grievous to bear; when even +the humble followers of Christ will feel that the lines of communication +between them and the Lord have been severed; when prayers will seem to +fall to the earth and the heavens seem as brass, and the burdened soul +will cry out for help when there seems to be no help. At such times +there needs to be a patient waiting upon the Lord, heart-searching, and +humble submission to his will. Under such circumstances it is well to +heed the advice of the Psalmist: "Wait patiently upon the Lord, and he +shall bring it to pass." Then is the time to trust and not be afraid. + +It was at such a time that Jesus felt that his burden was more than he +could bear and asked that, if possible, the cup of suffering be removed, +that he might not have to pass through the severe ordeal that was facing +him. His humanity weakened and shuddered at the approach of the greatest +trial of his life. But he humbly submitted and said, "Father, not my +will, but thy will, be done." It was then that angels came and ministered +unto him; the gates of glory were thrown open, the burden was gone, and +he could go forth as a captive set free. + +As he left that place of prayer, that place of victory, it was to +face the foe in the hottest of the fight. Although he was upheld by +the unseen presence of the Father and strengthened by the angels, +nevertheless in the darkest hour of the conflict he cried out, "My God, +my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" But even in this final test he said, +"Father, into thy hands I commend my Spirit." This was followed by the +unprecedented glories of the resurrection. What a wonderful lesson to +us of submission and trust! + + +FAILED TO FORGIVE THOSE WHO HAD WRONGED HIM + +An unforgiving disposition will hinder one from being humble or from +reaching the necessary point of submission. When Stephen was being +stoned by his persecutors, his dying prayer was, "Lord, lay not this sin +to their charge." One Sunday when I was conducting an inquiry-service +in a State prison, after I had commented on these words of Jesus, "If ye +forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your +trespasses," a prisoner arose and said, "For years I have sought the +Lord, but never before have I known what hindered me from obtaining +peace to my soul. But now I see it is because I have held a grudge +against those who have wronged me. I forgive them." Peace came into his +soul as he yielded this point. + + +DESPONDENCY AND DISCOURAGEMENT + +Instead of counting your trials and indulging in dark forebodings, throw +away such feelings by counting your past blessings if you can think of +no present blessings. When Paul and Silas were in prison with their feet +fastened in the stocks, the pain in their lacerated backs no doubt often +reminded them of the cruel treatment they had received at the hands of +their enemies; but they looked away from their trials, and, "counting +all things joy," at the midnight hour they were rejoicing, singing songs, +and praising God. The result was marvelous. Had they set themselves to +complaining, they would have spent a miserable night. + +A sister was once just at the point of throwing down her shield of faith +and ceasing her efforts in serving the Lord, because of some difficulty +which had arisen between her husband and one of the brethren, and in +which in a sense she also was involved. She had always entertained +implicit confidence in the brother, but now said she could never have +confidence in him again. Had it been some worldly person, she could +have overlooked the matter, but to have one of the brethren make such +statements was more than she could endure. However, she relented, and +before she could gain the necessary victory, she had to make a decision +to stand true to God regardless of the source of the trial. + +At this point is where many fail, not because the trial is greater than +some other through which they have passed, but because it comes from an +entirely unexpected source. + + +UNNECESSARY SELF-ACCUSATIONS + +A woman and her husband who were ministers were once drawn into a +difficulty with others and had to call for aid in making an adjustment. +When the time came for a consideration of the matter, she humbly and +nobly did her part, to the satisfaction of all concerned. Although there +was nothing demoralizing about the case, yet she felt very humiliated to +think that she, a minister, should have thus become involved in such a +contention, and thought that the brother who was called to help in the +adjustment would never have confidence in her again. For four years she +worried over the matter, often losing sleep at night, and felt herself +gradually weakening in spirituality and courage. + +One day she met the brother, and he expressed himself as having had +implicit confidence in her during the entire period of the four years. +Immediately she took courage, but she had needlessly undergone untold +sufferings through accusations that were all imaginary. Worrying does no +one any good. It is useless to worry before a thing happens, much less +after it happens. Most people worry over imaginary things, over things +that never have nor never will come to pass. + +A sister who had lived a godly life and had prayed for her family +for years, became much troubled because none of them would become +Christians. She began to accuse herself of not being right in the sight +of God, but she was reminded that even Jesus himself, although he was +the Son of God, was not able to have all his kinsmen and townsmen to +follow him. She then learned to leave the responsibility with her family +and the Lord after she had done all she could, realizing that her soul +was clear. + + +TROUBLED ABOUT MAKING CONFESSIONS + +One woman was troubled over her past life, feeling that she should make +a public confession, which would endanger the lives of others. She said +it seemed that God was far away from her. Upon investigation it was +learned that her trouble was of such a nature that it would do her or +nobody else any good to make such a confession, but was a matter that +could be settled only between herself and God. Not until she learned +this could she have peace of mind and reach the place where she could +find deliverance. + +An actress was married to a respectable young man in Ohio. Their home +was an ideal one in the country. Three children graced their domestic +circle, and there was apparently nothing to mar the happiness of their +Christian home. One day the wife and eldest daughter went to visit the +pastor who had for years been their spiritual advisor. He expressed +his congratulations to her for her attainments in life, pleasant +surroundings, and the extraordinary abilities of her children. + +Just before leaving the house of the pastor, she requested a private +interview with him. When alone with him she said: "Judging from outward +appearances, you have believed me to be a very happy woman. But for +many years my heart has been sad, and I have constantly carried a heavy +burden. Sometimes it seemed to be more than I could bear. Before my +marriage I was allured into sin of a disgraceful nature, but my husband +believed me to have always maintained an irreproachable character, and +I have never told him otherwise. Since our marriage I have always been +true to him. Many times during these years I have been just at the point +of unburdening my heart by revealing to him this secret and placing +myself at his mercy; but somehow I have always been checked or prevented +from doing so. I have carried the heavy burden until I can carry it no +longer. Please tell me what to do." + +The wise old pastor, with deep feelings of compassion, said: "Good +woman, you have carried an unnecessary burden all these years. Your +husband knew nothing of your sin; it will do him no good to know of +it now, but, on the other hand, a knowledge of it might bring an +unnecessary burden upon him, and cause his implicit confidence to give +place to suspicion. Why should you thus bring feelings of reproach upon +yourself and family? They are a thousand times better off without a +knowledge of it. Go bury it in oblivion; cast it from your mind forever. +God has forgiven you long ago. Such matters are to be settled between +you and him alone; go and sin no more." She obeyed and went forth a +happy woman. Her burden was gone. + +If all spiritual advisors were as wise as this pastor in giving +instruction to those in need of help, much suffering would be averted. +There are thousands of people today carrying heavy burdens that God +has not placed upon them, but has long ago forgiven because of their +repentance. Such persons have allowed the enemy of their souls to +unnecessarily burden them with accusations and false impressions. +These they should have cast aside, declaring their freedom in the name +of Jesus. + + +ACCUSED GOD OF NOT BEING JUST + +There are others who accuse God of not being just, or blame him for +not answering their prayers, when the fact is, their lives have not +been such as would give them an assurance that God would answer their +prayers. A young sister who had for some time been drifting into +worldliness was called to the bedside of her dying father. She was much +concerned about him and asked a special favor of the Lord concerning +him, and because her request was not granted in just the manner +requested, she permitted her mind to be filled with doubts and +infidelity. She blamed God for not answering, and then she began to have +struggles with hardness of heart, which she had never known before. This +caused her to become alarmed, and she sought the counsel of a minister. +He cited her to 1 John 3:22--"And whatsoever we ask we receive of him, +because we keep his commandments, and do those things that are pleasing +in his sight." She acknowledged that she had not been living right, and +therefore had no right to blame God for not answering her prayers. + + +WHEN THE TEMPTER COMES OFTENEST + +The tempter comes oftenest where the temptation has not been completely +put away and where there is lack of decision against it. Many people +are like the drunkard. He desires to cease drinking, but says, "Just +one more drink; then I am done." When that has been taken he says, +"One more, only one; then I am forever done with strong drink." Such +a determination will never loose him from the binding fetters. + +The one who is bound by an evil habit or has yielded to the fascinations +of an alluring spirit must make a positive, definite decision, in every +way possible turn from the temptation, and call upon God for help with a +faith that will not waver; then deliverance is sure to come, and grace +to be an overcomer. + + +TRIALS MADE STEPPING-STONES TO GREATER VICTORIES + +The beautiful roses are protected by thorns, many of which are hidden +away beneath the presentation of beauty. Roses are not often plucked +without the one who would enjoy their fragrance realizing a pain by +being pricked in an attempt to secure the sweet-scented flower as his +own. Just why the thorns are there we do not know. Many a young recruit +looks with admiration upon the veteran skill of the soldier who has been +through fierce battles and has come forth as a hero. But his fame was +not obtained without hardships and wounds, as the scars which he carries +give testimony. About us on every side are veterans of the cross of +Christ, those whose lives we admire, whose experiences we covet, but +back of them no doubt are the pricking thorns in the form of trials, +which have proved to be stepping-stones to the beautiful life of faith +and devotion and which have graced their spiritual pathway. The roses +are none the less fragrant and beautiful because of the hidden thorns +beneath them. Neither is the life of a Christian less brilliant and +radiant because of the trials and temptations along the way. + +The enjoyment of a Christian life is what we make it. The darkest, +saddest life ever known, the most dejected person in existence, the one +who is surrounded constantly by infamy, blasphemy, and dark forebodings, +or that one whose life has been a failure and who through adversity is +doomed to spend his days behind prison-walls, can find a haven of rest +in this life and in the life to come. It is through the grace of God +that such can be accomplished. + +No matter what your sin is or has been, you can have deliverance and +peace that the world can not understand. A firm decision and trust in +God will take you through by his grace. When trials come, tell the Lord +about them, "casting all your cares upon him, for he careth for you." +Oh the riches of his grace, the power of his love! There is an abundance +in the great storehouse of our heavenly Father subject to our petitions, +and he offers his heavenly riches freely and his blessings to be poured +out without measure. + +"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that +we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto him be +glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without +end" (Eph. 3:20, 21). "Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of +grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need" +(Heb. 4:16). + + + + +Zion's Bank + + +The following quaint verses are supposed to have been written by Roland +Hill at a time when public credit in Great Britain was shaken by the +failure of several banks. + + + I have a never-failing bank, + A more than golden store; + No earthly bank is half so rich; + How, then, can I be poor? + + 'Tis when my stock is spent and gone + And I without a groat, + I'm glad to hasten to my bank + And beg a little note. + + Sometimes my Banker, smiling, says: + "Why don't you oftener come? + And when you draw a little note, + Why not a larger sum? + + "Why live so niggardly and poor? + Your bank contains a plenty. + Why come and take a one-pound note, + When you might have a twenty? + + "Yea, twenty thousand ten times told + Is but a trifling sum + To what your Father has laid up + Secure in Christ, his Son." + + Since, then, my Banker is so rich, + I have no cause to borrow; + I'll live upon my cash today, + And draw again tomorrow. + + I've been a thousand times before, + And never was rejected; + Sometimes my Banker gives me more + Than asked for or expected. + + Sometimes I've felt a little proud + I've managed things so clever; + But ah! before the day is gone + I've felt as poor as ever. + + Should all the banks in Britain break, + And that of England smash, + Bring in your notes to Zion's bank; + You'll surely have your cash. + + And if you have but one small note, + Fear not to bring it in; + Come boldly to the bank of Grace; + The Banker is within. + + All forged notes will be refused; + Man-merits are rejected; + There not a single note will pass + That God has not accepted. + + This bank is full of precious notes, + All signed and sealed and free, + Though many a doubting soul may say, + "There is not one for me." + + The leper had a little note-- + "Lord, if you will you can"; + The Banker cashed this little note, + And healed the sickly man. + + We read of one young man, indeed, + Whose riches did abound; + But in this Banker's book of grace + This man was never found. + + But see the wretched dying thief + Hang by the Banker's side; + He cried, "Dear Lord, remember me"; + He got his cash and died. + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Riches of Grace, by E. 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