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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/39040-8.txt b/39040-8.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..ce56f2d --- /dev/null +++ b/39040-8.txt @@ -0,0 +1,9873 @@ +Project Gutenberg's Manners and Rules of Good Society, by Anonymous + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Manners and Rules of Good Society + or Solecisms to be Avoided + +Author: Anonymous + +Release Date: March 3, 2012 [EBook #39040] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MANNERS AND RULES OF GOOD SOCIETY *** + + + + +Produced by Delphine Lettau, Stephen Blundell and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + +Transcriber's Note: + + Variant spellings remain as printed. Minor typographical errors have + been corrected without note. + + Non-standard characters have been transcribed as follows: + [oe]--oe ligature; + [=x]--macron over character _x_. + + + + + MANNERS AND RULES + OF + GOOD SOCIETY + + + + + MANNERS AND RULES + OF + GOOD SOCIETY + + _OR SOLECISMS TO BE AVOIDED_ + + + BY A MEMBER + OF THE ARISTOCRACY + + + THIRTY-NINTH EDITION + + [Device] + + LONDON + FREDERICK WARNE AND CO. + AND NEW YORK + + 1918 + (_All rights reserved_) + + + + +PRINTED IN GREAT BRITAIN + + + + +PREFACE + + +"Manners and Rules of Good Society" contains all the information +comprised in the original work, "Manners and Tone of Good Society," but +with considerable additions. In a volume of this nature it is necessary +to make constant revisions, and this is periodically done to keep it up +to date, that it may be depended upon as being not only the most +reliable, but also the _newest book of etiquette_. + +A comparison of the number of chapters and their subjects with those of +the early editions would best demonstrate how the work has grown, not +merely in bulk, but in importance also. This extension has allowed many +subjects to be more exhaustively treated than heretofore, and it now +includes every rule and point that could possibly be comprehended in its +title. + +The work throughout its many editions has commended itself to the +attention of thousands of readers, and it is hoped the present edition +will be received by society in general with the marked success of its +predecessors. + + + + +CONTENTS + + + CHAPTER PAGE + + INTRODUCTORY REMARKS ix + + I. THE MEANING OF ETIQUETTE 1 + + II. INTRODUCTIONS 6 + + III. LEAVING CARDS 19 + + IV. PAYING CALLS 32 + + V. PRECEDENCY 44 + + VI. THE COLLOQUIAL APPLICATION OF TITLES 53 + + VII. POINTS OF ETIQUETTE AS REGARDS ROYAL PERSONAGES 61 + + VIII. POINTS OF ETIQUETTE WHEN TRAVELLING ABROAD, AND + PRESENTATIONS AT FOREIGN COURTS 65 + + IX. THE RECEIVED MODE OF PRONOUNCING CERTAIN SURNAMES 68 + + X. PRESENTATIONS AT COURTS AND ATTENDING COURTS 73 + + XI. PRESENTATIONS AT LEVÉES AND ATTENDING LEVÉES 82 + + XII. BALLS AND STATE BALLS 87 + + XIII. DINNER GIVING AND DINING OUT 99 + + XIV. DINNER-TABLE ETIQUETTE 116 + + XV. EVENING PARTIES 122 + + XVI. WEDDINGS AND WEDDING LUNCHEONS 128 + + XVII. WEDDING RECEPTIONS 143 + + XVIII. WEDDING EXPENSES 146 + + XIX. AFTERNOON "AT HOMES" 151 + + XX. "AT HOME" DAYS 159 + + XXI. COLONIAL ETIQUETTE 161 + + XXII. INDIAN ETIQUETTE 164 + + XXIII. GARDEN-PARTIES 166 + + XXIV. TOWN GARDEN-PARTIES 171 + + XXV. EVENING GARDEN-PARTIES 174 + + XXVI. LUNCHEONS 176 + + XXVII. BREAKFASTS 183 + + XXVIII. PICNICS AND WATER-PARTIES 186 + + XXIX. JUVENILE PARTIES 190 + + XXX. WRITTEN INVITATIONS 195 + + XXXI. REFUSING INVITATIONS 200 + + XXXII. WALKING, DRIVING, AND RIDING 202 + + XXXIII. BOWING 206 + + XXXIV. THE COCKADE 209 + + XXXV. COUNTRY-HOUSE VISITS 211 + + XXXVI. HUNTING AND SHOOTING 219 + + XXXVII. SHAKING HANDS 225 + + XXXVIII. CHAPERONS AND DÉBUTANTES 228 + + XXXIX. PRESENTATIONS AT THE VICEREGAL COURT, DUBLIN CASTLE 229 + + XL. HOSTESSES 234 + + XLI. THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF LADY PATRONESSES OF PUBLIC + BALLS 239 + + XLII. PERIODS OF MOURNING 242 + + XLIII. ENGAGED 250 + + XLIV. SILVER WEDDINGS 253 + + XLV. SUBSCRIPTION DANCES 256 + + XLVI. GIVING PRESENTS 259 + + XLVII. CHRISTENING PARTIES 261 + + INDEX 265 + + + + +INTRODUCTORY REMARKS + + +The title of this work sufficiently indicates the nature of its +contents. The Usages of Good Society relate not only to good manners and +to good breeding, but also to the proper etiquette to be observed on +every occasion. + +Not only are certain rules laid down, and minutely explained, but the +most comprehensive instructions are given in each chapter respecting +every form or phase of the subject under discussion that it may be +clearly understood what _is_ done, or what is _not_ done, in good +society, and also how what _is_ done in good society should be done. It +is precisely this knowledge that gives to men and women the +consciousness of feeling thoroughly at ease in whatever sphere they may +happen to move, and causes them to be considered well bred by all with +whom they may come in contact. + +A solecism may be perhaps in itself but a trifling matter, but in the +eyes of society at large it assumes proportions of a magnified aspect, +and reflects most disadvantageously upon the one by whom it is +committed; the direct inference being, that to be guilty of a solecism +argues the offender to be unused to society, and consequently not on an +equal footing with it. This society resents, and is not slow in making +its disapproval felt by its demeanour towards the offender. + +Tact and innate refinement, though of the greatest assistance to one +unused to society, do not suffice of themselves; and although counting +for much, cannot supply the want of the actual knowledge of what is +customary in society. Where tact and innate refinement do not exist--and +this is not seldom the case, as they are gifts bestowed upon the few +rather than upon the many--then a thorough acquaintance with the social +observances in force in society becomes more than ever necessary, and +especially to those who, socially speaking, are desirous of making their +way in the world. + +Those individuals who have led secluded or isolated lives, or who have +hitherto moved in other spheres than those wherein well-bred people +move, will gather all the information necessary from these pages to +render them thoroughly conversant with the manners and amenities of +society. + +This work will be found of equal service to both men and women, as in +each chapter the points of social etiquette to be observed by both sexes +have been fully considered. + +Those having the charge of young ladies previous to their introduction +into society, either mothers, chaperons, or governesses, will also +derive much useful and practical information from the perusal of this +work, while to those thoroughly versed in the usages of society it +cannot fail to commend itself, containing as it does many useful and +valuable hints on social questions. + + + + +MANNERS AND RULES OF GOOD SOCIETY + + + + +CHAPTER I + +THE MEANING OF ETIQUETTE + + +What is etiquette, and what does the word convey? It is a poor one in +itself, and falls very far short of its wide application. It has an +old-fashioned ring about it, savouring of stiffness, primness, and +punctiliousness, which renders it distasteful to many possessing +advanced ideas; and yet the word etiquette is not so very old either, as +Johnson did not include it in his dictionary, and Walker apologises for +introducing it into his, and according to the authorities he quotes, it +is supposed to be derived from stichos, stichus, stichetus, sticketta, +and from thence to etiquette. But whether derived from the Latin or the +French--and many incline to the latter opinion--there is no doubt that +could a new word be found to replace this much abused one, it would be a +welcome addition to our vocabulary. The word has unfortunately become +associated in our minds with forms, ceremonies, and observances, in an +exaggerated degree; and it has been so constantly misused and +misinterpreted and misunderstood that ridicule and contempt have been +most unjustly and unfairly thrown upon it. The true meaning of +etiquette can hardly be described in dictionary parlance; it embraces +the whole gamut of good manners, good breeding, and true politeness. One +of the reasons which have no doubt contributed to bring the word +"etiquette" into disrepute, is the manner in which the subject has been +handled by incompetent people, who, having but a very hazy and obscure +knowledge, if any knowledge at all, yet profess to write guides to +polite manners--rambling and incoherent guides, which not only provoke a +smile from those better informed, but mislead and bewilder any one rash +enough to consult them, without previous inquiry as to whether they are +safe to follow. A little caution on this head would insure the most +correct and reliable work being secured amongst so much that is +unreliable. Some people read everything that is written on the subject +of etiquette, not only those who are ignorant and wish to learn +something of its laws, but those who are thoroughly well versed in them +and who, one might suppose, had nothing to learn; still these latter +like to see what is written, to feel the satisfaction of being supported +in their own knowledge by a well-informed writer; or of finding +amusement in the absurdities gravely advanced by some one writing from +another sphere than that where _savoir vivre_ reigns. Others attach a +very narrow meaning to the word etiquette, and neither accept it nor +understand it in its true sense; they have an idea that its rules +influence and govern society in general. Rules of etiquette are from +their point of view but trammels and shackles; let them be cast off or +burst through, say they; let every one do as he likes; let all behave as +they like; we are in a free country, why should we not wipe our mouths +upon the table-cloth if we please? Others again, devour books of +etiquette on the quiet; they are very much in want of instruction as +every one knows, but they have not the courage to confess that they are +awake of this want, and are trying to pick up some knowledge of this +kind to be useful to them; as their aim is to rise in the social scale, +they would not let their friends know for worlds about this new study, +but they know it, and find that they have improved, that they do not +commit as many _gaucheries_ as heretofore; still, they have caught the +letter rather than the spirit of etiquette, they have read the rules it +prescribes, and act up to them as far as their memories serve them; but +they have failed in one essential particular of understanding that +courtesy, consideration towards others, and unselfishness, are the +sources of true politeness from which etiquette springs. + +There is an idea amongst some few people who have mixed little in the +world, and moved but in one fixed groove, that the more exalted the +sphere, the more perfect the manners. It is needless to attempt to +refute such a fallacy as this, for examples of the most perfect manner +are to be met with not only amongst those who can boast of long lineage +and high birth, but also amongst those who lay claim to neither. + +Our present code of etiquette is constructed upon the refinement, +polish, and culture of years, of centuries. Wealth and luxury, and +contact with all that is beautiful in art and nature, have in all ages +exercised a powerful influence on the manners of men; we do not say on +the times, as unfortunately these advantages did not reach down to the +many but were confined to the strictly few; but in these modern days the +many have come, and still come, within the charmed circle; the ring +broadens, ever widens; it is not now as in olden days that "their lot +forbade." On the contrary, the possession of wealth or of talent is the +open sesame to the most refined and cultured circles. The word etiquette +is too narrow for all it embraces; it must be viewed in a double light, +and be taken from a moral point as well as from a conventional one. A +kindly nature, and an unselfish spirit are never wanting in true +politeness, but the conventionalities of society give the finish and +completeness to the whole, the colour, as it were, to the picture. In +some the conventional spirit is uppermost and they have at best but a +surface polish. In others the kindly feelings of the heart are allowed +full play, and no act of genuine politeness is omitted or left undone in +their intercourse with their fellows, and these graces of kindly +politeness linger in the memory, trivial though they may have been, +years after one has lost sight of this true gentleman or thorough lady, +and one says of him, "What a charming man he was, how courteous and +considerate, and how kind!" and of her, "She was the sweetest and +prettiest-mannered woman I ever met." + +It is only given to the very few to be thoroughly and unaffectedly +charming without a shadow of self-consciousness or effort. To assume a +would-be charming manner for the moment, with the desire to be unusually +pleasing to some one in particular, does not confer the enviable +reputation of having a charming manner. It does not sit easy enough to +be altogether natural; it conveys the idea of being put on for the +occasion, and, like all other imitations, it hardly ever pleases and +seldom deceives. Etiquette and true politeness would have us go further +than this, and our manners of to-day should be our manners of to-morrow, +and not variable according to place and persons. The world is quick to +note these uncertain demeanours, and every one's measure is readily +taken and retained. + +The rules of etiquette are indispensable to the smooth working of +society at large. Take, for example, the etiquette of precedency, in +force both in public and in private: on every public occasion, and in +every private circle, precedency steps in to render assistance, and is +as necessary in the smallest private circle as in the largest public +gathering, because it assigns to every one his or her place as far as +claim can be laid to place. Mistakes in the matter of precedency are not +only committed by those who have enjoyed few social advantages, but by +those also who have had everything in their favour. Young ladies, for +instance, when married from the schoolroom, as it were, often make grave +mistakes on the question of precedency, if they do not ignore it +altogether. + +The etiquette of card-leaving and that of paying calls are indisputably +necessary and only the very ignorant would attempt to gainsay their +utility; without these aids to order and method all intercourse between +friends and acquaintances would be uncertain and chaotic; as it is there +is little excuse when the right thing is not done, and any departure +from the simple rules laid down on these heads, is the best possible +proof of the standing, position, and associations of the one at fault. + +Any one point of etiquette if brought to the bar of common-sense would +be pronounced reasonable, proper, and sensible; and there is strictly +speaking no question of etiquette that cannot be thus judged and upon +which a like verdict would not be given. There is no one rule of +etiquette that can be described as absurd or ridiculous, arbitrary or +tyrannical, and taken collectively the rules are but social obligations +due from one person to another. Why should we not be a well-mannered +people? Why should we not be refined, cultivated, and polished in our +demeanour and bearing? Why should we not seek to charm if we can? Why +should we not cultivate and encourage in ourselves consideration, +thoughtfulness, and graciousness towards others in the smallest details +of daily life? + + + + +CHAPTER II + +INTRODUCTIONS + + +There are ceremonious introductions and unceremonious introductions, +premeditated introductions and unpremeditated introductions; but, in all +cases, introductions should never be indiscriminately made--that is to +say, without a previous knowledge on the part of those making them as to +whether the persons thus introduced will be likely to appreciate each +other, or the reverse, or unless they have expressed a desire to become +acquainted. For instance, a lady should not introduce two of her +acquaintances residing in a country town or watering-place, moving in +different circles, unless they have each expressed such a desire. + + +=An Undesired Introduction=, if made, compels the one to whom it is the +most unwelcome, to treat the other with marked coldness, or to continue +an acquaintance that is distasteful. + +Should the slightest doubt exist as to how an introduction will be +received--whether the meditated introduction is a spontaneous desire on +the part of a lady or gentleman, or whether one person expressed a wish +to make the acquaintance of another person and expressed that wish to a +mutual friend--the received rule is to consult the wishes of both +persons on the subject before making the introduction. + + +=When a Difference of Rank= exists between two persons, it would be +sufficient to ascertain the wishes of the person of highest rank alone. + +A person about to make an introduction, should say to the one lady, but +not in the hearing of the other, "Mrs. A----, may I introduce Mrs. B---- +to you?" or some such formula, according to the degree of intimacy +existing between herself and Mrs. A. (See "The Art of Conversing.") + +When two ladies are of equal rank, the wishes of the person with whom +the person making the introduction is least intimate should be +consulted. + +In the case of one person having expressed a wish to make the +acquaintance of another, there remains but the wishes of one person to +ascertain. + +Acquiescence having been given, the introduction should be made. + +In making an introduction, the lady of lowest rank should be introduced +to the lady of highest rank; in no case should the lady of highest rank +be introduced to the lady of lowest rank. This point of etiquette should +always be strictly observed. + + +=A Gentleman should always be introduced to a Lady=, whatever his rank +may be, without reference to her rank, whatever it may be. This rule is +invariable, and is based upon the privilege of the sex--"_place aux +dames_." + +It is not usual to ascertain a gentleman's wishes as to whether he will +be introduced to a lady or not, although at a ball it is usual to do so +when the introduction is made for a special object, viz., that of +obtaining a partner for a lady; and as a gentleman may be either unable +or unwilling to ask the lady to dance, it is incumbent to ascertain +beforehand whether the introduction is desired or not, otherwise the +introduction would be of no avail for the purpose, and prove a +disappointment to the lady. + +"Would you like to be introduced to Miss A----?" or some such polite +phrase (see "The Art of Conversing"), is the sort of formula by which to +ascertain a gentleman's wishes as to an introduction in the ball-room; +as ball-room introductions are understood to mean an intention on the +part of a gentleman to ask a lady to dance or to take her in to supper. + +In general society, gentlemen are supposed to seek, rather than to avoid +the acquaintance of ladies, irrespective of whatever sets in society to +which they belong. It is immaterial to a gentleman in which set in +society his acquaintances move, and he can be polite to all without +offending any in their several circles. + +With regard to his own sex a gentleman is generally as exclusive as to +the acquaintanceships which he forms, as is a lady with regard to the +acquaintanceships which she forms. Reciprocity of taste is the basis on +which acquaintanceships between men are established, subject, in a +certain measure, to social position; though this rule is itself subject +to wide exceptions. + +It is the rule for a gentleman to ask a mutual friend, or an +acquaintance, for an introduction to a lady, and it is the received rule +to do so when a gentleman desires to be introduced to any lady in +particular; but gentlemen do not ask to be introduced to each other, +unless some special reason exists for so doing--some reason that would +commend itself to the person whose acquaintance was desired, as well as +to the person making the introduction; otherwise, such a wish would +appear to be either puerile or sycophantic, thus the request might meet +with a refusal, and the proffered acquaintanceship be declined. + + +=When Introductions are made between Ladies=, an unmarried lady should +be introduced to a married lady, unless the unmarried lady is of a +higher rank than the married lady, when the rule is reversed. + +The correct formula in use when making introductions is "Mrs. X----, +Lady Z.," thus mentioning the name of the lady of lowest rank first, as +she is the person introduced to the lady of highest rank. "Mrs. X----, +Lady Z.," is all that need be said on the occasion by the person making +the introduction. When the ladies are of equal rank it is immaterial +which name is mentioned first; but there generally exists sufficient +difference in the social position of the two ladies to give a slight +distinction in favour of the one or of the other, which the person +making the introduction should take into consideration. + +When the introduction has been made, the ladies should bow to each +other, and either lady should make a slight remark. + +It is not usual for ladies on being first introduced to each other to +shake hands, but only to bow; but there are very many exceptions to this +rule. + +When one lady is of higher rank than the other, should she offer to +shake hands, it would be a compliment and a mark of friendliness on her +part. + +When a person introduces two intimate friends of his or hers to each +other, they would be expected to shake hands, instead of bowing only. + +The relations of an engaged couple should, on being introduced, shake +hands with both bride and bridegroom elect, as should the intimate +friends of an engaged couple; as also should the relations of the two +families on being introduced to each other. + +It is the privilege of the lady to be the first to offer to shake hands, +in every case, when a gentleman is introduced to her. + +A lady should shake hands with every one introduced to her in her own +house--that is to say, whether the person is brought by a mutual friend, +or is present by invitation obtained through a mutual friend. + + +=At Dinner-parties=, both small and large, the hostess should use her +own discretion as to the introductions she thinks proper to make. It is +not customary to make general introductions at a dinner-party; but in +sending guests down to dinner, who are strangers to each other, the host +or hostess should introduce the gentleman to the lady whom he is to take +down to dinner. It would be quite unnecessary to ask the lady's +permission before doing so. It would be sufficient to make the +introduction a few moments before dinner was announced, and the usual +formula is, "Mrs. A., Mr. B. will take you in to dinner." A bow is the +recognition of this introduction. + +When the majority at a dinner-party are strangers to each other, a host +or hostess should introduce one or two of the principal guests to each +other, when time allows of its being done before dinner is served; such +introductions are oftener made at country dinner-parties than at town +dinner-parties. + +A hostess should, in some instances, introduce ladies to each other in +the drawing-room after dinner if the opportunity offers, and she +considers it advisable to do so. + +As a rule, a host seldom introduces gentlemen to each other in the +dining-room after dinner, as they address each other as a matter of +course on such occasions. + +A hostess should introduce her principal guests to each other, at +five-o'clock teas, garden-parties, small "at homes," etc.--that is to +say, gentlemen to ladies--for the purpose of their taking the ladies to +the tea-room. In this case also, the introduction should be made without +previously consulting the lady; and a gentleman, knowing the reason of +the introduction, should at once proffer the expected civility. + +At these gatherings a hostess should use her own discretion as to any +general introductions she thinks proper to make, and should introduce +any gentleman to any lady without previously consulting the lady if she +thinks the introduction will prove agreeable to her. + +When introducing ladies to each other, she should give married ladies, +and ladies of rank, the option of the introduction; but should +introduce young unmarried ladies to each other if she thinks proper. + + +=When Callers arrive simultaneously=, the hostess should introduce them +directly or indirectly to each other, if there is no social reason to +the contrary. + +When a hostess is aware that her visitors do not desire each other's +acquaintanceship, or, if she considers that the introduction is not +altogether a suitable one, agreeable to both persons, she should not +make it, but converse with each visitor in turn, at the same time not +allowing the conversation to become too general. + +At large gatherings, persons desirous of avoiding each other's +acquaintanceship, could be present at the house of a mutual acquaintance +without coming into direct contact with one another, providing the host +and hostess possessed sufficient tact and discretion not to attempt to +effect a _rapprochement_ between them. + + +=At Country-house Parties=, the hostess should introduce the principal +ladies to one another on the first day of their arrival; but if it is a +large party, introductions should not be generally made, but should be +made according to the judgment of the hostess. The fact of persons being +guests in the same house constitutes in itself an introduction, and it +rests with the guests thus brought together whether the acquaintanceship +ripens into subsequent intimacy or not. + +The same remark applies in a degree to afternoon teas and "at homes." +The guests converse with each other if inclined to do so. The act of so +conversing would not constitute an acquaintanceship, although it might, +under some circumstances, establish a bowing acquaintanceship, +especially between gentlemen. + +Ladies should not bow to each other after only exchanging a few remarks +at afternoon tea, or at a garden-party, unless there were some +particular social link between them to warrant their so doing, in which +case the lady of highest rank should take the initiative. + + +=Introductions at Public Balls.=--It is erroneous to suppose that it is +the duty of stewards to make introductions at public balls; it is the +exception, and not the rule, for stewards to introduce persons to each +other who are strangers to themselves. + +Society objects, and the stewards object, to making promiscuous +introductions, on the following grounds: first, as regards the chaperon, +whether mother or relative, who has the charge of a young lady; then as +regards a young lady herself; and last, but not least, as regards the +position occupied by the steward himself. A chaperon naturally looks and +feels displeased when a steward who is a stranger to herself offers to +introduce a man who is evidently a stranger to him, which fact she +gathers by his saying, "This gentleman wishes to be introduced to your +daughter," or by his asking the stranger his name before making the +introduction. A chaperon is responsible for the acquaintances a young +lady forms while under her charge at a ball, and if amongst her own +friends and acquaintances she cannot find partners for her, she would +prefer that she spent a comparatively dull evening than that she should +run the risk of forming undesirable acquaintances. + +Young ladies have not always the discretion possessed by their elders, +or sufficient knowledge of the world to do the right thing. Thus, some +young ladies would either coldly decline the introductions, or if the +introductions were made, would as coldly decline to dance, whilst +others, anxious to dance, would accept both the introductions and the +partners, and take their chance as to whether their brothers would like +to see them dancing with strangers thus introduced. A steward himself +particularly dislikes to be made responsible for a man he does not know; +and whether a chaperon and a young lady are old friends of his, or +whether they are merely new acquaintances, they equally trust to his +not introducing men to them whom they would not care to know, and of +whom he knows nothing save that they have solicited an introduction to +them. + +Very few stewards care to accost a lady whom they merely know by sight +and by name for the purpose of introducing a stranger; they prefer to +decline to make the introduction, on the plea of not having the honour +of the lady's acquaintance. + +Stewards consider that the position of a young man must be a peculiar +one, and his presence at a ball somewhat of an anomaly, if he does not +possess an acquaintance in the room, through whom he can become known to +one or other of the stewards, or through whom he can be introduced to +any particular lady with whom he may desire to dance. + +When a gentleman is introduced to a young lady at a public ball, it +generally means that he is introduced to her as a partner, and that +though he may not ask her for the next dance, he will for a subsequent +one, or that he will at least offer to take her in to supper, or, if +earlier in the evening, to give her some tea, or if she declines these +civilities, that he will continue a conversation with her until the next +dance commences, or until a dance is over. When a gentleman does neither +of these things, but walks away as soon as the introduction is made, it +is a proof how little he desired it, and that doubtless the option was +not given him of refusing it. + +Good-natured friends of both sexes know how difficult it is to get +partners for well-dressed, well-mannered, good-looking girls at a ball, +unless they are more than ordinarily attractive in some way or other, in +which case they are popular and sought after, and the only difficulty +rests with the young ladies themselves as to how they shall best +apportion the dances so as to satisfy their numerous partners, or +persuade their chaperons to stay for one more dance which they have +promised to, etc. + +It is a well-known fact in the ball-going world that the majority of +young men insist upon being introduced to the most popular girls in a +ball-room, and refuse being introduced to one who does not appear to +have plenty of partners. + +Public balls are in reality made up of a number of small parties and +different sets, each set or party being entirely independent of the +other. + +At county balls the county people take large house-parties, and each +house-party does or does not mingle with other house-parties, according +to standing or inclination. + +If three large house-parties join forces at a ball they form a very +imposing majority; but there are other sets in the same ball-room, +dancing to the same band and adjourning to the same supper-room, equally +apart and equally distinct. + +At balls held at watering-places, although the residents do not take +large house-parties, yet they join forces with those residents with whom +they are acquainted, reinforced by friends who come down purposely to be +present at the ball. Thus, on the face of it, a steward's introductions +cannot fail to be ill-received, in whatever set he may be coerced into +making them; and it is well understood that introductions, to prove +acceptable, should only be made through friends and acquaintances, and +even then with tact and judgment. + +As the stewards of a ball are usually the most influential gentlemen in +the place, it naturally follows that they are acquainted with many, if +not with all, of the principal people present, therefore when they make +introductions it is not by virtue of their office, but simply as a +matter of friendship, and through being personally acquainted with those +introduced by them. + +Introductions out of doors are rather a matter of inclination than not, +as, for instance, when a lady is walking with another lady to whom she +is on a visit she should introduce any friends to her hostess she might +happen to meet, and her hostess should do likewise if time and +opportunity offer for so doing; should any reason exist for not making +an introduction on the part of either lady, it should be explained when +they are again alone, as were either of the ladies to exclude the other +from the conversation it would be considered discourteous towards the +one excluded. When two ladies accidentally meet when out walking, and +are subsequently joined by two or more ladies, introductions should not +be made by either of the ladies, unless some special reason exists for +so doing. A lady, as a rule, should not introduce gentlemen to each +other unless one of them is her host, when it would be correct to do so. + + +=How to act on the Occasion of an Introduction= is determined almost +entirely upon the reason for its being made, and by whom and to whom the +person is introduced. Even the _locale_ has something to do with it, and +thus a variety of issues are raised, upon which an instantaneous +judgment has to be given. The mind has to travel with lightning rapidity +over the ground to arrive at a correct course of action; but the mind +does not always respond to the call made upon it: it hesitates, and acts +not upon the outcome of reflection, but upon the spur of the moment. + + +=The Received Rule is not to shake hands=, but merely to bow on being +introduced; but this rule under certain circumstances would not meet the +case; it would disappoint the one introducing and the one introduced. +For instance if a relative of the former is the person introduced a bow +would be a very chilling response to the introduction made; to shake +hands, on the contrary, would be the correct thing to do, and both +persons should offer at the same moment this cordial recognition. On the +other hand, if a casual introduction is made without any premeditation, +and those introduced are totally unknown to each other, an exchange of +bows is all that is required of them. + + +=Amongst the Exceptions for not merely bowing= on being introduced are +the introductions made between young ladies and elderly ones, and +between young ladies themselves. An elderly lady, as a general rule, +shakes hands with a girl introduced to her with the idea of being +cordial and kind, not to say condescending, and girls generally shake +hands with each other in place of bowing, as acquaintanceships formed by +them have not the importance that attaches to those of older ladies; +besides, a greater readiness to make friends is the privilege and +characteristic of youth. + + +=Men take very much the Same View= as regards introductions as do +women--that is to say, if an introduction is made by a relative of the +man introduced, the men would shake hands and not merely bow. This holds +equally good where intimate friends are concerned: they almost rank on +the footing of relations, and a cordial reception is given to an +introduction thus made. When casual introductions are made of necessity +rather than of intention men do not shake hands. When "I think you have +met A." or "I think you know Mr. A." is said--the one by a host and the +other by a hostess--nothing further is required from either than a bow +and a smile of acquiescence accepting the introduction and a disclaimer +is not expected if "Mr. A." is not actually known. The uncertainty is an +excuse for making the introduction. + + +=Ladies do not rise from their Seats on being introduced either at an +"At Home"= or before dinner is announced, or after dinner, or when +calling when people are introduced to them, or when they themselves are +introduced. Half an exception occurs, it is true, at crowded "at homes," +when to rise and talk to the lady introduced is almost a necessity: +there is no vacant seat for her to take, and, therefore, if both do not +stand, conversation is at a deadlock, as the few first conventional +remarks made by either are lost in the general buzz going on around; +also, it is awkward and ungraceful for a lady to bend over one seated +for the purpose of saying a few platitudes. "Introductory remarks," or +remarks following upon introductions, have too often a melancholy ring +of commonplaceness about them and are distinctly trite. How can they be +otherwise? To venture out of the commonplace into originality would be +suspicious of eccentricity, and no one wishes to be considered a little +odd. + + +=Before and after Dinner, when Introductions are made= between ladies it +is to those seated near to each other, and, therefore, there would be no +occasion to rise, as there might be at an "at home." There is no +question of a lady rising from her seat when a man is introduced to her, +unless that man is her host, when she should rise and shake hands with +him, or a clerical dignity--a bishop for instance, if opportunity allows +of it, and on a semi-official occasion. This question does not trouble +men, as they are usually found standing, or they are brought up to a +person to be introduced, and even if a man ventures upon sitting down at +an "at home," or before dinner is announced, he springs to his feet with +alacrity when any approach is made in the matter of introducing him to a +fellow guest. + + +=Introductions often have to be made at Afternoon Calls=, supposing that +two or three callers only are present and the hostess feels that she +must render the talk general by making some kind of introduction, direct +or indirect, as she thinks best. The ladies thus introduced remain +seated and bow. They do not shake hands even under the exceptional +conditions previously referred to, but they would at once join in the +talk that passes for conversation, and on departure would shake hands +with the relative in question after having shaken hands with the hostess +and having expressed pleasure at meeting this near relative--mother or +sister, or whoever she may happen to be. + + +=Introductions between Callers= made under enforced circumstances have +not much bearing on future acquaintance. Those introduced pass so short +a time in each other's company, and know practically nothing of each +other's surroundings, that they are uncertain whether at future meetings +they ought to recollect that such introductions have taken place, and +whether they should bow or forget. Actually it would be correct to bow +if the opportunity is given so to do, but unless the wish to bestow +recognition is mutual it is of little avail if grudgingly given, and it +would be worse still were it withheld. Some people have short memories +for faces, and others are short-sighted, and both these drawbacks have +to be reckoned with when expecting recognition from a person to whom one +has been thus introduced. + + + + +CHAPTER III + +LEAVING CARDS + + +The etiquette of card-leaving is a privilege which society places in the +hands of ladies to govern and determine their acquaintanceships and +intimacies, to regulate and decide whom they will, and whom they will +not visit, whom they will admit into their friendship, and whom they +will keep on the most distant footing, whose acquaintance they wish +further to cultivate and whose to discontinue. + +It would seem that the act of leaving cards is but imperfectly +understood, and that many erroneous impressions prevail respecting the +actual use of visiting cards. The object of leaving cards is to signify +that a call has been made, due civility shown, and a like civility +expected in return. + +Leaving cards, or card-leaving, is one of the most important of social +observances, as it is the ground-work or nucleus in general society of +all acquaintanceships. Leaving cards, according to etiquette, is the +first step towards forming, or towards enlarging, a circle of +acquaintances, and the non-fulfilment of the prescribed rules is a sure +step in the opposite direction. The following is the received code of +card-leaving in all its details according to the etiquette observed in +good society by both ladies and gentlemen, and should be faithfully +followed. + + +=A Lady's Visiting Card= should be printed in small, clear copper-plate +script, and free from any kind of embellishment as regards ornamental +or Old English letters. It should not be a thin card, and should be +three inches and five eighths in width, and slightly under two and a +half in depth. + +The name of the lady should be printed in the centre of the card, and +her address in the left-hand corner. If she has a second address, it +should be printed in the opposite corner of the card. If the second +address is but a temporary one, it is usually written and not printed. + +A married lady should never use her christian name on a card, but she +should use her husband's christian name before her surname if his father +or elder brother is living. + +It is now considered old-fashioned for husbands and wives to have their +names printed on the same card, although at watering-places, the +practice of having the two names on the same card, "Mr. and Mrs. Dash," +is still occasionally followed; but even when these cards are used, a +lady and gentleman still require separate cards of their own. + +A lady having a large acquaintance should keep a visiting book, in which +to enter the names of her acquaintances, and the date when their cards +were left upon her, with the dates of her return cards left upon them, +that she might know whether a card were due to her from them, or whether +it were due to them from her. + +A lady having a small acquaintance would find a memorandum book +sufficient for the purpose; a line should be drawn down the centre of +every page, dividing it into two columns, the one column for the names, +and the opposite column for the dates of the calls made and returned. + +Leaving cards principally devolves upon the mistress of a house; a wife +should leave cards for her husband, as well as for herself; and a +daughter for her father. The master of a house has little or no +card-leaving to do, beyond leaving cards upon his bachelor friends. + +In the country it is otherwise, and those who return home are called +upon by their friends and acquaintances in the first instance, unless +under exceptional circumstances. + +Ladies arriving in town should leave cards on their acquaintances and +friends to intimate that they have returned. + +Visiting cards should be left in person, and should not be sent by post, +although in town, when the distance is considerable, it is tacitly +allowed; but, as a rule, ladies invariably leave their cards themselves. +On arriving in town for the season ladies having a large acquaintance +often send their visiting cards to their various friends and +acquaintances by a man-servant or through a stationer. + + +=The Routine of Card-leaving.=--As regards the routine of card-leaving. +When driving, a lady should desire her footman to inquire if the +mistress of the house at which she is calling is "at home." If not "at +home," and it is a first call, she should hand him _three_ cards--_one_ +of her own, and _two_ of her husband's. Her card is left for the +mistress of the house, and her husband's cards for both master and +mistress. + +If not a first call a lady should leave one only of her husband's cards +if his acquaintance with her friend's husband is an intimate one and +they are in the habit of meeting frequently. If, on the contrary, they +know each other but slightly, and meet but seldom, then two of his cards +should be left. This, however, not on every occasion of calling. + +When a lady is merely leaving cards, she should hand the three cards to +her servant, saying, "For Mrs. ----." This ensures the cards being left +at the right address, and is the correct formula for the occasion. + +When a lady is walking, and finds the mistress of the house at which she +calls is "not at home," she should act as above. + +When a lady intends making a call she should ask if "Mrs. ---- is at +home?" And if the answer is in the affirmative, she should, after making +the call, leave _two_ of her husband's cards on the hall table, and +neither put them in the card-basket nor leave them on the drawing-room +table, nor offer them to her hostess, all of which would be very +incorrect; but she might on reaching the hall hand them to the +man-servant silently, or she might send them in by her own servant when +seated in her carriage, saying, "For Mr. and Mrs. Smith." She should not +leave her _own_ card on the hall table, as, having seen the lady of the +house, the reason for doing so no longer exists.[1] + +When a lady calling is accompanied by her husband and the mistress of +the house is at home, the husband should leave one of his cards only, +for the absent master of the house; when the master of the house is at +home also, a card in that case should not be left. + +When the mistress of a house has a grown-up daughter or daughters, the +lady leaving cards should turn down one corner of her visiting card--the +right-hand corner generally--to include the daughter or daughters in the +call. This custom of turning down a corner of a visiting card signifies +that other ladies of the family besides the hostess are included in the +call. A foreigner turns down the _end_ of a card instead of one corner +only, which has not the same signification. It is to denote that he has +left it in person. + +A lady should not leave one of her husband's cards for the daughters of +the house, but she not unfrequently leaves his card for the grown-up +sons of the house. + +When a lady intends leaving cards on a friend who is the guest of some +one with whom she is unacquainted, she should only leave cards for her +friend and not for her friend's hostess; but if she is slightly +acquainted with her friend's hostess, she should leave cards upon her +on the occasion of her first visit to her friend, but it would not be +necessary to do so at every subsequent visit, especially if they were of +frequent occurrence. + +Young ladies should not have visiting cards of their own; their names +should be printed beneath that of their mother on her card. In the case +of there being no mother living, the daughter's name should be printed +beneath that of her father on the usual lady's visiting card, but never +on the smaller cards used by gentlemen. When young ladies are taken out +into society by relatives or friends, their names should be written in +pencil under the names of the ladies chaperoning them on their visiting +cards. + +Maiden ladies of a certain age should have visiting cards of their own, +but until a young lady has attained what is termed a certain age, it +argues no little independence of action to have a card of her own; but +when she no longer requires chaperonage, she is entitled to a card of +her own, being clearly her own mistress, and able to choose her own +acquaintances. + +When a young lady is on a visit unaccompanied by her parents, and wishes +to call on ladies with whom the lady she is staying with is +unacquainted, she should leave her mother's card on which her own name +is also printed, and should draw a pencil through her mother's name to +intimate that she was not with her on that occasion. + +Cards should always be returned within a week if possible, or ten days +at latest, after they have been left, but to do so within a week is more +courteous. And care must be taken to return the "call" or "cards" +according to the etiquette observed by the person making the call or +leaving the card; that is to say, that a "call" must _not_ be returned +by a card only, or a "card" by a "call." This is a point ladies should +be very punctilious about. + +Should a lady of higher rank return a card by a "call," asking if the +mistress of the house were "at home," her so doing would be in strict +etiquette; and should she return a "call" by a card only, it should be +understood that she wished the acquaintance to be of the slightest; and +should a lady call upon an acquaintance of higher rank than herself, who +had only left a card upon her, her doing so would be a breach of +etiquette. + +In large establishments the hall porter enters the names of all callers +in a book expressly kept for the purpose, while some ladies merely +desire their servant to sort the cards left for them. + +The name of the lady or gentleman for whom the cards are intended should +never be written on the cards left at a house. The only case in which it +should be done would be when cards are left on a lady or a gentleman +staying at a crowded hotel, when, to save confusion, and to ensure their +receiving them, their names should be written on them thus: "For Mr. and +Mrs. Smith." But this would be quite an exceptional case, otherwise to +do so would be extremely vulgar. + + +=Leaving Cards after Entertainments.=--Visiting cards should be left +after the following entertainments: balls, receptions, private +theatricals, amateur concerts, and dinners, by those who have been +invited, whether the invitations have been accepted or not, and should +be left the day after the entertainment if possible, and certainly +within the week according to the rules of card-leaving already +described. On these occasions cards should be left without inquiry as to +whether the hostess is at home, although after a dinner-party it is the +rule to ask if she is at home, as to dine at a house denotes a greater +intimacy than being present at a large gathering. If the hostess were +not at home, cards should be left. + +If a lady has been but once present at any entertainment, whether the +invitation came through a mutual friend or direct from the hostess +herself, the hostess being but a slight acquaintance of her own, besides +leaving cards on her the day following, she can, if she desires, leave +cards on her the following season, or, if residing in the same town, +within a reasonable time of the entertainment; but if these cards are +not acknowledged by cards being left in return, she should of course +understand that the acquaintance is to proceed no further. + +A lady should not leave cards on another lady to whom she has but +recently been introduced at a dinner-party or afternoon tea; for +instance, she must meet her several times in society, and feel sure that +her acquaintance is desired, before venturing to leave cards. If two +ladies are of equal rank, tact will be their best guide as to the +advisability of leaving cards or not upon each other; the lady of +superior rank may take the initiative if she pleases. If either of the +ladies express a wish to further the acquaintance by asking the other to +call upon her, the suggestion should come from the lady of highest rank; +if of equal rank it is immaterial as to which first makes the +suggestion. But in either case the call should be paid within the week. + + +=Leaving Cards upon New-comers.=--In the country the residents should be +the first to leave cards on the new-comers, after ascertaining the +position which the new-comers occupy in society. + +Persons moving in the same sphere should either leave cards or call +according as they intend to be ceremonious or friendly, and the return +visits should be paid in like manner, a card for a card, a call for a +call. + +It is the received rule that residents should call on new-comers, +although having no previous acquaintance with them, or introductions to +them. + +New-comers, even if of higher rank, should not call on residents in the +first instance, but should wait until the residents have taken the +initiative. If residents do not wish to continue the acquaintance after +the first meeting, it is discontinued by not leaving cards, or by not +calling again, and if the new-comers feel disinclined to continue the +acquaintance they should return the calls by leaving cards only. Calling +on new-comers in the country should not be done indiscriminately, and +due consideration should be paid to individual status in society. + +The lady of highest social position in the circle to which the +new-comers belong generally takes the responsibility of calling first on +the new-comers. By new-comers is expressed persons who intend to reside +in a county or town for a long, or even for a short period, and who are +not casual visitors in the place. + +The custom of residents calling on new-comers is entirely confined to +county society, and does not apply to residents in large towns and +populous watering-places. + +In old cathedral cities and quiet country towns, far from the +metropolis, on the contrary, the rule holds good of residents calling on +new-comers. + + +=Cards "To Inquire."=--Cards to inquire after friends during their +illness should be left in person, and should not be sent by post; but +they may be sent by a servant. On a lady's visiting card should be +written above the printed name: "To inquire after Mrs. Smith." When the +person inquired after is sufficiently recovered to return thanks in +person, the usual visiting card, with "many thanks for kind inquiries," +written above the printed name, is the usual mode of returning thanks, +and is all-sufficient for the purpose. + + +=P.P.C. Cards.=--Formerly P.P.C. cards were left within a week of +departure, or within ten days if the acquaintance was a large one. + +The letters P.P.C. for _pour prendre congé_, written at the lower corner +of visiting cards, indicate departure from town or from a neighbourhood. +P.P.C. cards may be left in person or sent by a servant; they can also +be sent by post. The object of leaving P.P.C. cards is to avoid +leave-takings and correspondence concerning departure, and to prevent +offence being given if letters and invitations remained unanswered. + +In the country an absence of from three to six months renders leaving +P.P.C. cards somewhat necessary; under that period it would be +unnecessary to give notice of a temporary absence which does not amount +to an actual departure. Short absences render it unnecessary to leave +P.P.C. cards. Holiday movements at Christmas, Easter, and Whitsuntide +are thoroughly recognised, and no leave-taking is obligatory. P.P.C. +cards are now seldom if ever left in town. + + +=Business Calls.=--When a lady makes a strictly business call upon +either a lady or gentleman she should give her card to the servant to be +taken to his master or mistress, but on no other occasion should she do +so. + + +=Gentlemen's Visiting Cards.=--A gentleman's card should be thin--thick +cards are not in good taste--and not glazed, and of the usual narrow +width, _i.e._ one and a half inches in depth, and three inches in width; +his name should be printed in the centre, thus: "Mr. Smith" or "Mr. +Francis Smith," should he require the addition of his christian name to +distinguish him from his father or elder brother. To have "Francis +Smith" printed on the card without the prefix of "Mr." would be in bad +taste. + +Initials appertaining to honorary rank should never be written or +printed on a card, such as D.L., K.C., M.P., K.C.B., M.D., etc. Military +or professional titles necessarily precede the surname of the person +bearing them, and are always used, such as "Colonel Smith," "Captain +Smith," "Rev. H. Smith," "Dr. Smith," etc. + +As regards titles, "The Honourable" is the only title that is not used +on a visiting card. Thus "The Honourable Henry Smith's" card should bear +the words "Mr. Henry Smith" only. + +A Baronet's card should be printed thus, "Sir George Smith," and a +Knight's card thus, "Sir Charles Smith." A gentleman's address should be +printed in the left hand corner of the card. If a member of a club, it +is usual to print the name of the club at the right hand. Officers +usually have the name of the club printed at the left hand corner in the +place of the address, and the regiment to which they belong at the right +hand. + +Cards should be printed in small copper-plate script, without +ornamentation of any kind. Old English letters look old-fashioned on a +card, and are but little used; and ornamental capital letters are never +used, and are out of date. The lettering should be as plain and as free +from any sort of embellishment as it well can be. + + +=The Routine of Card-leaving for Gentlemen.=--To bachelors card-leaving +is an irksome routine of etiquette, and is, therefore, in a measure +often neglected, by reason of their having little or no leisure at +command during the afternoon hours. This is now thoroughly understood +and accepted in general society. When, however, a bachelor has his way +to make in society and has leisure to further the acquaintanceships he +has already made, he should follow the rules of card-leaving. + +Bachelors, as a rule, are expected to leave cards on the master and +mistress of a house with whom they are acquainted as soon as they are +aware that the family have arrived in town; or if a bachelor himself has +been away, he should leave cards on his acquaintances immediately after +his return. He should leave one card for the mistress of the house and +one for its master. + +A gentleman should not turn down a corner of his card, even though he +may be acquainted with other ladies of the family besides the mistress +of the house. A gentleman should not leave a card for the young +daughters of the house, or for any young relative of its mistress who +might be staying with her; but if a married couple with whom he is +acquainted were staying with the friends on whom he is calling, he +should leave two cards for them, one for the wife and one for the +husband, and should tell the servant for whom they are intended. + +As regards leaving cards upon new acquaintances, a gentleman should not +leave his card upon a married lady, or the mistress of a house, to whom +he has been introduced, however gracious or agreeable she has been to +him, unless she expressly asks him to call, or gives him to understand +in an unmistakable manner that his doing so would be agreeable to her. +This rule holds good, whether the introduction has taken place at a +dinner-party, at a ball, at an "at home," at a country-house gathering, +or elsewhere; he would not be entitled to leave his card on her on such +slight acquaintanceship; as, if she desired his further acquaintance, +she would make some polite allusion to his calling at her house, in +which case he should leave his card on her as soon afterwards as +convenient, and he should also leave a card for the master of the house, +the lady's husband or father (as the case may be), even if he had not +made his acquaintance when making that of the lady. + +A gentleman should not leave a card on a young lady to whom he has been +introduced, but upon her mother or the relative with whom she is +residing. + +When the acquaintance existing between gentlemen is but slight, they +should occasionally leave cards upon each other, especially when they do +not move in the same circle, and are not otherwise likely to meet; it +generally follows that the one who most desires the acquaintanceship is +the one to leave his card first, always supposing that the strength of +the acquaintance would warrant his so doing. The one of highest rank +should be the one to intimate that he desires the acquaintance of the +other; if the rank be equal, it is a matter of inclination which calls +first. + +The rules of etiquette, though stringent as regards acquaintances, have +little or no application as regards intimate friends; friendship +overrules etiquette. + +When a bachelor has a number of intimate friends, very little +card-leaving is required from him as far as they are concerned. + + +=Leaving Cards after Entertainments.=--In the event of a gentleman +receiving an invitation to an entertainment from an acquaintance, or +from a new acquaintance, or through some mutual friend, he should leave +his cards at the house within a week or ten days after the +entertainment, one for the mistress and one for the master of the house, +whether he has accepted the invitation or not. Between friends this rule +is greatly relaxed. + +It is usual for a gentleman to leave his cards on the host or on the +hostess, after every entertainment to which he has been invited by them, +whether it be a dinner-party, or ball, or "at home," etc. Whether he has +been present or not, the fact of his having been invited by them obliges +him to pay them this civility, although great latitude as regards time +is now accorded in general society with regard to this particular rule. + +If invited by a new acquaintance, the cards should be left a few days +after the entertainment, but if by a less recent acquaintance they +should be left within ten days or a fortnight, but the earlier the cards +are left the greater the politeness shown. + +If a bachelor acquaintance gives an entertainment, the same rule applies +as to the necessity of cards being left on him by those gentlemen but +slightly acquainted with him who have been invited to the entertainment. + +When a gentleman has been invited to an entertainment given at the house +of a new acquaintance, whether the acquaintance be a lady or a +gentleman, it would be etiquette for him to leave his card upon them on +their arrival in town or elsewhere, even though they may not have +invited him to any subsequent entertainment given by them within the +year. If during the following year they do not again invite him, he +might consider the acquaintance at an end and cease to call. These +complimentary calls made, or rather cards left, should not average more +than four during the year. + + +=Memorial Cards= are out of date in society, and consequently should not +be sent to either relatives or friends. + +A widow should not make use of her christian name on her visiting cards +to distinguish her from other members of her late husband's family. Her +cards should be printed as during his lifetime. + + +FOOTNOTES: + +[1] It is, however, permissible on the occasion of a _first_ call to +say, "I shall leave my card in the hall to remind you of my address"; or +some such phrase. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +PAYING CALLS + + +Ladies stand upon strict and ceremonious etiquette with each other as +regards both paying and receiving calls. Ignorance or neglect of the +rules which regulate paying calls, brings many inconveniences in its +train; for instance, when a lady neglects to pay a call due to an +acquaintance, she runs the risk of herself and daughters being excluded +from entertainments given by the said acquaintance. + +When a call has not been made within a reasonable time, a coldness is +apt to arise between ladies but slightly acquainted with each other. +Some ladies take this omission good-naturedly or indifferently, while +with others the acquaintance merges into a mere bowing acquaintance to +be subsequently dropped altogether. + +The first principle of calling is, that those who are the first to +arrive in town should be the _first_ to call upon their acquaintances to +intimate their return. + +"Morning calls," so designated on account of their being made before +dinner, are, more strictly speaking, "afternoon calls," as they should +only be made between the hours of three and six o'clock. + +Calls made in the morning--that is before one o'clock--would not come +under the denomination of "morning calls," as they can only be made by +intimate friends and not by acquaintances, and are not, therefore, +amenable to the rules of etiquette which govern the afternoon calls, +which calls are regulated in a great measure--as to the hour of +calling--by the exact degree of intimacy existing between the person who +calls and the person called upon. From three to four o'clock is the +ceremonious hour for calling; from four to five o'clock is the +semi-ceremonious hour; and from five to six o'clock is the wholly +friendly and without ceremony hour. + +If a lady is driving when she calls at the house of an acquaintance, she +should say to her servant, "Ask if Mrs. A---- is at home." + +When a lady is walking, she should ask the same question herself. + +When the answer is in the negative, she should leave one of her own +cards and one of her husband's, and should say to the servant, "For Mr. +and Mrs. A----." + +When the answer is in the affirmative, the lady should enter the house +without further remark and follow the servant to the drawing-room. + +The servant should go before the visitor, to lead the way to the +drawing-room, and, however accustomed a visitor may be to a house, it is +still the proper etiquette for the servant to lead the way, and announce +him or her to his mistress; and this rule should not be dispensed with, +except in the case of very near relations or very intimate friends. + +At the drawing-room door the servant waits for a moment until the +visitor has reached the landing, when the visitor should give his or her +name to the servant, "Mr. A----" or "Mrs. A----," should the servant be +unacquainted with it. + +If the visitor calling bears the title of "Honourable" it should not be +mentioned by him or her to the servant when giving the name, neither +should it be mentioned by the servant when announcing the visitor. + +All titles are given in full by the servants of those who bear them, +thus: "The Duke and Duchess of A----," "The Marquis and Marchioness of +B----," "The Earl and Countess of C----," "Viscount and Viscountess +D----," "Lord and Lady E----," etc.; but a marchioness, a countess, or a +viscountess when giving her name to be announced at a morning call would +style herself "Lady A----" only. + +A gentleman or lady should never give his or her visiting card to the +servant when the mistress of the house is at home. + +A servant should not knock at the drawing-room door when announcing +visitors. The servant, on opening the drawing-room door, should stand +inside the doorway, he should not stand behind the door, but well into +the room; facing the mistress of the house if possible, and should say, +"Mr. A----," or "Mrs. A----." + +When the mistress of the house is not in the drawing-room when a visitor +arrives, the visitor should seat herself and rise at her entrance. + +Visitors should not make any inquiries of the servant as to how long his +mistress will be, or where she is, or what she is doing, etc. Visitors +are not expected to converse with the servants of their acquaintances, +and should not enter into conversation with them. + +Formerly a gentleman when calling, took his hat and stick in his hand +with him into the drawing-room, and held them until he had seen the +mistress of the house and shaken hands with her. He either placed them +on a chair or table near at hand or held them in his hand, according as +to whether he felt at ease or the reverse, until he took his leave. Many +middle-aged and elderly men still follow this fashion in a degree, and +take their hats and sticks into the drawing-room when making formal +calls. + +The newer fashion amongst younger men is to leave their hats and sticks +in the hall and not to take them into the drawing-room with them when +calling. To do this is now very general, as hats are in the way if tea +is going on; besides, men were apt to forget where they placed their +hats, and frequently had to return to the drawing-room in search of +them. + +At "at homes," small afternoon teas, luncheons, dinners, etc., the rule +is the same, and hats are left in the hall by invited guests. + +A gentleman should not take his stick or umbrella with him into the +drawing-room, but leave it in the hall. + +When gentlemen wear gloves, they can take them off or keep them on as +they please, it is immaterial which they do, but when a call is made +when tea is going on, it is more usual to take them off. + +When the mistress of the house is in the drawing-room when a visitor is +announced--and she should so arrange her occupations as always to be +found there on the afternoons when she intends being "at home" should +visitors call--she should rise, come forward, and shake hands with her +visitor. She should not ask her visitor to be seated, or to "take a +seat," but she might say, "Where will you sit?" or, "Will you sit here?" +or something to this effect; and should at once sit down and expect her +visitor to do the same, as near to herself as possible. + +Both hostess and visitor should guard against displaying a fussy +demeanour during a morning call, as a morning call is oftener than not a +_tête-à-tête_, and a _tête-à-tête_ between two persons but slightly +acquainted with each other requires a considerable amount of tact and +_savoir vivre_ to be sustained with ease and self-possession. A fussy +woman is without repose, without dignity, and without _savoir vivre_. + +A hostess betrays that she is not much accustomed to society when she +attempts to amuse her visitor by the production of albums, photographs, +books, illustrated newspapers, portfolios of drawings, the artistic +efforts of the members of the family, and the like; conversation being +all that is necessary, without having recourse to pictorial displays. + +If not intimate enough to refer to family matters, the conversation +should turn on light topics of the hour.[2] + +People unused to society are apt to fall back upon the above +adventitious aids. A hostess should rely solely upon her own powers of +conversation to make the short quarter of an hour--which is the limit of +a ceremonious call--pass pleasantly to her visitor. The hostess should +not offer her visitor any refreshments, wine and cake, for instance. No +refreshments whatever, save tea, should be offered to morning visitors; +they are not supposed to require them. + +In the country it is customary to offer sherry to gentlemen callers, and +to order tea for the ladies, even though the call is made rather early +in the afternoon, and a little before the hour for having tea. + +Ceremonious visits are usually paid before the hour of half-past four; +but if tea is brought in while the visitor is in the drawing-room, or if +the visitor calls while the hostess is having tea, she should naturally +offer her visitor tea. + +When the mistress of the house only expects a few callers, "tea" is +placed on a small table--a silver tray being generally used for the +purpose. The hostess should pour out the tea herself; when a gentleman +is present, he should hand the cups to the visitors or visitor, +otherwise the hostess should herself do so, and then hand the sugar and +cream, without asking whether her visitors will have either, unless she +is preparing the cups of tea herself, in which case she should ask the +question. + +When a second visitor arrives, ten or fifteen minutes after the first +visitor, the first visitor should take her leave as soon as she +conveniently can. When the second visitor is a lady, the hostess should +rise and shake hands with her, and then seat herself; the first visitor, +if a lady, should not rise; if a gentleman, he should do so. + +A hostess should also rise and come forward when a gentleman is +announced; this gives her an opportunity of talking to him for a few +moments on his first entering the room. The second visitor should at +once seat him or herself near to the hostess. + +She should introduce the callers to each other unless she has some +especial reason for not doing so. She could, however, in the course of +conversation merely mention the name of each caller, so that each may +become aware of the name of the other. This is now often done when +formal introductions are not made. If the hostess possesses tact, and a +facility and readiness of speech, she should skilfully draw both callers +into the conversation (a subject which is fully enlarged upon in "The +Art of Conversing"). The hostess should not take this latter course +unless aware that the two visitors would be likely to appreciate each +other. + +When one visitor arrives immediately after the other, the hostess should +converse equally with both visitors, and the lady who was the first to +arrive should be the first to leave, after a call of from ten to fifteen +minutes. When only one visitor is present the hostess should accompany +her to the door of the drawing-room, and linger for a few moments, +whilst the visitor is descending the stairs. To do so would not be +imperative, but it would be courteous. When the host is present he +should accompany the lady downstairs into the hall; this also is an +optional civility, and greatly depends upon the estimation in which the +lady is held by host and hostess. + +When two visitors are present the hostess should rise and shake hands +with the departing visitor; but unless a person of greater consideration +than the visitor who still remained seated, she should not accompany her +to the drawing-room door. + +One visitor should not rise from her seat when another is about to take +her leave. When visitors are acquainted with each other they should rise +and shake hands. When one of the visitors is a gentleman he should rise, +even if unacquainted with the lady who is about to take her leave; he +should not remain seated when the hostess is standing. + +When two visitors, either two ladies or two gentlemen, have slightly +conversed with each other during a morning call, they should not shake +hands with each other on leaving, but should merely bow. When they have +not spoken to each other, they should not bow. + +When they have been formally introduced they should still only bow, +unless the acquaintance has progressed into sudden intimacy through +previous knowledge of each other. + +When one of the visitors present is a gentleman he should open the +drawing-room door for the departing visitor, but he should not accompany +her downstairs unless requested by the hostess to do so; the visitor +should bow to him and thank him, but not shake hands with him. + +When the hostess has shaken hands with a guest, and before crossing the +room with her, she should ring the drawing-room bell, that the servant +may be in readiness in the hall to open the door. She should ring the +bell even if the host were accompanying the lady downstairs. It would be +thoughtless on the part of the hostess to forget to ring the bell to +give notice to the servant that a visitor was leaving. + +In the country, the caller before rising to depart sometimes asks if she +may ring for her motor-car to come round. When the hostess is in reach +of the bell, she should ring it for her; when a gentleman is present, he +should do so. On the servant's entrance, the caller should say, "My +motor-car, please!" + +When a lady is calling on a friend, the guest of some one with whom she +herself is unacquainted, or even but slightly acquainted, she should in +both cases ask if her friend is at home, and not if the mistress of the +house is at home; and having paid her visit, on leaving the house she +should leave cards for its mistress if she is slightly acquainted with +her, but should not do so if she is unacquainted with her. + +When a lady has a guest staying on a visit to her, if convenient, she +should, when her guest expected visitors, absent herself from the +drawing-room at that particular time, unless the expected visitors are +mutual friends of herself and guest. + +If she is in the drawing-room with her guests when a visitor is +announced so as to render an introduction inevitable, a formal +introduction should be made, but the mistress of the house, after a very +few minutes, should make some excuse, quietly leave the room, and not +return until after the departure of the visitor. It would be +inconsiderate were the mistress of the house to remain in the +drawing-room while calls were paid to her guest by strangers to herself +unless at her guest's particular request. When a visitor is a gentleman, +and the guest a young unmarried lady, the mistress of the house should +remain in the drawing-room to chaperon her. + +When the mistress of the house is desirous of making the acquaintance of +any particular friend of her guest, from whom she expected a visit, when +the visit occurs and previous to the visitor taking her leave, the guest +should ask if she will allow her to introduce her to the lady with whom +she is staying. If her visitor desires the introduction, she should then +ring and request the servant to tell his mistress that Mrs. A. is in the +drawing-room, which message the hostess would understand to mean that +her presence is desired, and the introduction would then be made on her +appearing. An introduction, if made in this manner, could become the +basis of a future acquaintance, both ladies having had the option of +refusing the acquaintance of the other if so disposed; whereas a forced +introduction where no option is given would hardly count as the basis of +a future acquaintance unless the ladies thus introduced mutually +appreciated each other. + +In the country a guest seldom has friends and acquaintances in the +neighbourhood, who are unknown to her hostess; if otherwise, the +hostess should give her guest the opportunity of seeing her visitor by +leaving them together when the call is made. + +When a guest is present when the mistress of a house is receiving +callers, she should introduce them to her guest or her guest to them, +according to the rank of either (see Chapter II.). + +When a lady is driving with a friend who is a stranger to the +acquaintance on whom she is calling, she should not take her into the +house with her while she makes her call, unless she is a young lady, or +unless there is some especial reason for introducing the two ladies to +each other, or unless both ladies have expressed a wish to become +acquainted with each other. Husbands and wives occasionally pay calls +together, but oftener they do not. A lady, as a rule, pays a call by +herself, unless she has a grown-up daughter, when she should accompany +her mother. + +Occasionally two ladies, both intimate with the lady of the house, pay +their calls together. A family party, of father and mother and daughter, +or daughters, rarely call in town together, save under very exceptional +circumstances; but in the country a family party of three or four would, +as a matter of course, call together; it is country etiquette to do so. + +A considerable difference exists with regard to "Sunday calls," or +calling on Sundays. Ladies should not pay ceremonious calls on Sundays; +it would not be etiquette for an acquaintance to call on a Sunday, it +would rather be considered a liberty, unless she were expressly asked to +do so. Intimate friends, on the contrary, often make Sunday a special +day for calling, and therefore, ladies and gentlemen--more especially +gentlemen--extend their calling hours from three until six o'clock on +Sundays. + +When a lady is acquainted with the daughters of a family only, and not +with their father or mother, she should call on the daughters, who +should at once introduce her to their mother on the next occasion of +calling. If the mother is not present, the lady calling should leave +cards for her; and at all morning calls, when the daughters of the house +receive a ceremonious visit from an acquaintance, in the absence of +their mother, whether from indisposition or any other cause, cards +should be left for her in the hall before leaving by the lady calling +(see Chapter III.). + +In all cases, when "morning calls" are made, and the lady called on is +not at home, cards should be left according to the etiquette described +in Chapter II., an etiquette which should be strictly observed; when the +lady called on is "at home," cards should be left for the gentlemen of +the family, according to the same rules of card-leaving, which cannot be +too punctiliously followed. + +A mistress of a house should inform her servant after or before +luncheon, or before the hours for calling, whether she intends to be "at +home" to visitors or not during the afternoon. + +"Not at home" is the understood formula expressive of not wishing to see +visitors. + +"Not at home" is not intended to imply an untruth, but rather to signify +that for some reason, or reasons, it is not desirable to see visitors; +and as it would be impossible to explain to acquaintances the why and +the wherefore of its being inconvenient to receive visitors, the formula +of "Not at home" is all-sufficient explanation, provided always that a +servant is able to give a direct answer at once of "Not at home" when +the query is put to him. If a servant is not sure as to whether his +mistress wishes to see visitors or not, it is almost a direct offence to +the lady calling if he hesitates as to his answer, and leaves her either +sitting in her carriage or standing in the hall, while "He will see if +his mistress is 'at home,'" perhaps returning with the unsatisfactory +answer that she is "Not at home"; in which case the intimation is almost +received as a personal exclusion rather than as a general exclusion of +visitors. + +If a lady is dressing to go out when a visitor calls, the servant can +mention that fact to a visitor calling, and offer to ascertain if his +mistress will see the caller; and the caller should use her own +discretion as to whether she will allow him to do so or not; but unless +the visit is one of importance, it would be best in such a case only to +leave cards. + +When a second visitor calls, a servant should not be permitted to say +that his mistress is "engaged with a lady," or "with a gentleman," but +should usher the second caller into the drawing-room, as he has +previously done the first caller. He should not inquire as to whether +his mistress will see the second caller or not. Neither should he inform +the second caller as to whether any one is or is not with his mistress, +as ignorant servants are too apt to do. + +It is not usual to offer coffee at afternoon tea; tea only is given. To +offer coffee is a foreign fashion, and not an English one. + +"Morning" callers should not be conducted to the dining-room to have +tea; and tea is only served in the dining-room on the occasion of a +large afternoon tea, or afternoon "at home," etc. (See chapter on +"Afternoon 'At Homes,'" p. 151.) + +The tea hour varies from 4 to 4.30 o'clock. When callers are present at +4 o'clock, tea should be brought in at that hour. It should be placed +upon a small table, which is first covered with a white linen or damask +tea-cloth. The tea-tray should be large enough to hold, in addition to +the china, silver teapot, etc., an urn for hot water, which should be +brought in and placed upon it. A stand containing hot cakes, an uncut +cake, small cakes, tiny sandwiches, and thin bread-and-butter should be +placed near to the tea-table. Tiny tea-plates should be placed in a pile +upon the tea-tray, they being in general use. The hostess or her +daughter should pour out the tea. + +Apart from the foregoing style of afternoon tea is the newer fashion of +what might be termed "a round-table tea," at which hostess and guests +sit, but this style is more usual at country houses than in town houses +at present, on account of the space required, if for no other reason. +The tea is served in a smaller drawing-room, upon a large round or oval +table, which is covered with a white table-cloth, upon which the +tea-tray with all its contents is placed. Cakes, hot and cold, +sandwiches, pastry, fruit, jam, bread-and-butter, biscuits, dry toast, +etc., are given, and the visitors seated at the table help themselves to +what they require. The hostess pours out the tea and hands the cups as +when guests are not seated in this way. Dessert plates and dessert +knives and forks should be placed on the table beside the small +tea-plates, to be taken as required. + + +FOOTNOTES: + +[2] See work entitled "The Art of Conversing." + + + + +CHAPTER V + +PRECEDENCY + + +The order of precedency due to each individual according to rank is a +matter of great importance at official banquets and at ceremonious +dinner-parties, when its correct observance should be strictly adhered +to. + + +=As regards Precedency amongst Royal Personages=, the Sovereign takes +precedence of all others in the realm; the King takes precedence of +Queen Mary. The Prince of Wales takes precedence of the Duke of +Connaught. Queen Alexandra takes precedence of the Royal Princesses. The +Royal Princesses take precedence of their husbands, Prince Christian and +the Duke of Argyll. + + +=The Precedency accorded to Foreign Royal Personages= in this country +very much depends upon their individual rank. Imperial Highnesses and +Royal Highnesses take precedence of Serene Highnesses. + + +=The Precedency accorded to Eastern Princes= is generally synonymous +with that accorded to Serene Highnesses; but in some instances the +claims of individual precedency are so difficult to define, that in +official cases it is sometimes necessary to make a special rule as to +the amount of precedency to be allowed. + + +=As regards General Precedency=, archbishops, ambassadors, The Lord High +Chancellor, The Prime Minister, Lord Chancellor of Ireland, Lord +President of the Council, and Lord Privy Seal, take precedence of +dukes; dukes take precedence of earls, and so on throughout the various +degrees of nobility. + + +=Foreign Ministers and Envoys= take precedence next after dukes, in the +order of their seniority of service in England. In all cases where +precedency is to be established between persons of equal rank it is +necessary to refer to a Peerage for date of creation of title, as this +actually decides all precedency. + + +=For Precedency due to Baronets= and their wives a Baronetage should be +consulted. + + +=For Precedency due to Knights= and their wives a Knightage should be +consulted in reference to each order of knighthood. + + +=For the Precedency due to the Legal Profession= a Law List should be +consulted when it is not defined by office or birth. + + +=For the Precedency due to the Clergy= a Clergy List should be consulted +when superior preferment or birth does not define it. + + +=For the Precedency due to Officers= in the army and navy an Army List +and a Navy List should be consulted to determine the precedency due to +each in the separate Services. + + +=Officers should be sent in to Dinner= according to the dates of +commission, but no branch of the Army takes precedence over the other as +regards rank of officers; that is to say, a colonel of 1901, of say, a +West India regiment, would precede a colonel of Guards, artillery or +cavalry of 1902 promotion. Drawn up on a brigade parade, the cavalry +take the right of the line; thus: Artillery, Royal Engineers, foot +guards and regular regiments, regiments and West India regiments, in the +order named in the Army List. + + +=As regards Precedency between Officers= of the combined Services a +table of "Relative Rank and Precedency in the Army and Navy" should be +consulted, as a captain in the navy after three years' service ranks +with a colonel in the army, a lieutenant of the navy of eight years' +standing ranks with a major in the army, and a lieutenant under that +standing in the navy, ranks with a captain in the army, etc. + +Consulate officers also take precedence according to seniority of +service in England and date of official arrival. The Foreign Office List +of the current year should be consulted for date in each instance. + + +=As regards the Precedence due to Widows= bearing titles who have +married again: The widow of a peer married to a commoner retains her +title by courtesy, and the precedency due to the title is accorded to +her. + + +=When the Widow of a Duke= marries a person of lower rank than that of +her late husband, she still retains her precedency. + + +=The Daughter of a Peer= if married to a baronet or a commoner retains +her precedency, but if married to a baron her precedency is merged in +that of her husband. + + +=The Widow of a Baronet= married to a commoner retains her title by +right and not by courtesy. + + +=The Widow of a Knight= married to a commoner retains her title by +courtesy only, but the precedency due to the widow of a knight is +accorded to her. + + +=When the Daughter of a Duke= marries a peer she takes the precedency +due to the rank of her husband; if she marries a commoner, precedency is +accorded to her due to the daughter of a duke. + + +=Age confers no Precedency= on either sex. Equals in rank from the +highest to the lowest take precedence according to the creation of their +title and not as regards the age of the person bearing the title. As, +for instance, a youthful duke would take precedence of an aged duke, if +the title of the youthful duke bore an earlier date than that of the +aged duke. The same rule applies equally to baronets and knights. + +When two earls are present at a dinner-party, the date of their +respective patents of nobility decides the order of precedency due to +them. + +A host or hostess should always consult a "Peerage" or a "Baronetage" if +in doubt as to the precedence due to expected guests bearing titles; +wealth or social position are not taken into account in this matter, it +being strictly a question of date. + + +=The Precedence due to Ladies of Equal Rank= takes effect in the same +manner. Thus, a young wife of a baronet takes precedence over the +elderly wife of a baronet if the creation of her husband's title bears +an earlier date. + + +=When the Claims to Precedency of Persons of Equal Rank= clash, the +claims of a gentleman should be waived in favour of those of a lady, +should the persons be of opposite sexes. Thus, if two couples of +superior rank to the other guests were present at a dinner-party, the +host should take down the lady of highest rank, and the hostess should +be taken down by the gentleman of highest rank, in which case the lady +second in rank should go in to dinner _before_ her husband, although +the gentleman taking her down to dinner were of lower rank than her +husband. + + +=Esquires, and the Wives of Esquires=, take precedence according to +their social position. Members of Parliament have no precedence, though +it is often accorded to them as a matter of courtesy, especially in the +county which they represent; the wives of members of Parliament are +likewise entitled to no precedence on the ground of their husbands being +members of Parliament. + + +=The High Sheriff of a County= takes precedence over all other gentlemen +in the county, of whatever rank, save the lord-lieutenant, according to +the Royal warrant issued by His late Majesty King Edward, giving +precedence to lord-lieutenants of counties before high sheriffs. + + +=The High Sheriff= out of his particular county has no precedence, +neither has a lord-lieutenant; and the wives of either lords-lieutenants +or high sheriffs take no precedence on account of their husbands' +official dignity. + + +=An Assize Judge= takes precedence over the high sheriff as the assize +judge represents the Sovereign of the Realm. + + +=Clergymen, Barristers-at-Law=, officers in the army and navy take +precedence over esquires on account of such rank; and in each profession +precedence should be accorded them according to dignity, date of +ordination, date of call, and date of commission in their several +professions, assuming that the rank is equal. + + +=High Clerical and Legal Dignitaries= take special precedence; for +instance, the Archbishop of Canterbury takes precedence of all dukes, +and the Lord Chancellor takes precedence of the Archbishop of York, who +also takes precedence of dukes; bishops take precedence of all barons, +whatever their date of creation. The Lord Chief Justice, the Master of +the Rolls, when not peers, and all judges of the High Court of Justice +in their various divisions, take precedence after Privy Councillors and +before baronets and all knights, save the Knights of the Garter. + + +=The Relative Rank between Officers of the Army and Navy= and doctors of +divinity is somewhat difficult to determine as regards the precedence to +be given them at a dinner-party. "Dod" places "esquires by office, +which, of course, includes all officers of the army and navy," next +_before_ the younger sons of knights and before doctors in divinity, who +follow next in order; while "Lodge" places "officers of the navy and +army" _after_ the younger sons of knights bachelor, clergymen, and +barristers-at-law. + + +=Precedency at Dinner-Parties.=--When royalty is present at a +dinner-party, a prince of blood royal takes precedence of a princess, +and leads the way with the hostess, the host following next with the +princess. On the other hand, a princess of the blood royal takes +precedence of a foreign prince--her husband--and leads the way with the +host. + + +=The Host should take down the Lady of Highest Rank=, and lead the way +with her to the dining-room. The guests should follow the host in +couples according to the degree of precedence due to them, and the +hostess should follow the last couple with the gentleman of highest rank +present. + + +=When a Greater Number of Gentlemen= than ladies are present at a +dinner-party, as is often the case, these gentlemen should follow the +hostess to the dining-room and not precede her. + + +=When a Widow or Maiden Lady is Hostess=, and there is no gentleman of +the family present to act as host, the gentleman second in rank should +take down the lady of highest rank, leading the way with her to the +dining-room, the hostess following last, with the gentleman of highest +rank. + + +=In the Case of either a Husband's Sister= or a wife's sister being +required to act as hostess, precedence should be given to the wife's +sister. + + +=An Eldest Son's Wife= should take precedence of her husband's sisters +in his father's house. + +As regards the precedence due to the relatives of a host or hostess, it +should give way in favour of that due to the guests not related to the +host or hostess, although their relatives might be, perhaps, of higher +rank than the guests themselves. + +Occasionally, the eldest son of the house acts as second host, taking +down a lady second or third in rank; but the daughters of the house +should always be taken down to dinner after the other ladies present, +and in no case before them. + +No precedence is accorded to either a lady or a gentleman by virtue of a +mother's rank. + +No precedence is accorded to brides in society, though occasionally in +the country old-fashioned people consider it due to a bride to send her +in to dinner with the host on the occasion of her first dining at a +house within three months of her marriage. + + +Table of General Precedency + + +GENTLEMEN + + The King. + The Prince of Wales. + The Sovereign's younger sons. + The Sovereign's grandsons. + The Sovereign's brothers. + The Sovereign's uncles. + The Sovereign's nephews. + Ambassadors. + Archbishop of Canterbury. + Lord High Chancellor. + Archbishop of York. + The Prime Minister. + Lord Chancellor of Ireland. + Lord President of the Council. + Lord Privy Seal. + Dukes who may happen to hold either of these five offices-- + 1. Lord Great Chamberlain. + 2. Earl Marshal. + 3. Lord Steward. + 4. Lord Chamberlain. + 5. Master of the Horse. + Dukes in order of their patents of creation-- + 1. Dukes of England. + 2. " " Scotland. + 3. Dukes of Great Britain. + 4. " " Ireland created before the Union. + 5. Dukes created since the Union. + Eldest sons of Dukes of Blood Royal. + Marquesses who may hold either of the Offices of State named above. + Marquesses in same order as Dukes. + Dukes' eldest sons. + Earls holding either of the five Offices of State. + Earls in same order as Dukes. + Younger sons of Dukes of Blood Royal. + Marquesses' eldest sons. + Dukes' younger sons. + Viscounts who may hold either of the five Offices of State. + Viscounts in same order as Dukes. + Earls' eldest sons. + Marquesses' younger sons. + Bishop of London. + " " Durham. + " " Winchester. + Other English Bishops in order of their consecration. + Moderator of the Church of Scotland. + Barons holding either of the five Offices of State. + Barons who may be Secretaries of State or Irish Secretary. + Barons in same order as Dukes. + The Speaker of the House of Commons. + Treasurer of the Household. + Comptroller of the Household. + Vice-Chamberlain of the Household. + Secretaries of State below the rank of Barons. + Viscounts' eldest sons. + Earls' younger sons. + Barons' eldest sons. + Commoners who are Knights of the Garter. + Privy Councillors of rank lower than the foregoing, according to date + they were sworn in. + Chancellor of the Exchequer. + " " " Duchy of Lancaster. + Lord Chief Justice of England. + Master of the Rolls. + Lords Justices of Appeal and President of Probate Court. + Judges of the High Court of Justice. + Viscounts' younger sons. + Barons' " " + Sons of Life Peers. + Baronets according to dates of patents. + Knights Grand Cross of Bath. + Knights Grand Commanders, Star of India. + Knights Grand Cross of St. Michael and St. George. + Knights Grand Commanders of Indian Empire. + Knights Grand Cross of Royal Victorian Order. + Knights Commanders of above Orders in same sequence. + Knights Bachelors of above Orders in same sequence. + Commanders of the Royal Victorian Order. + Judges of County Courts in England and Ireland, and Judges of the City + of London Court. + Masters in Lunacy. + Companions of Orders of Bath, Star of India, SS. Michael and George, + and Indian Empire in same sequence. + Members of 4th class of Royal Victorian Order. + Companions of Distinguished Service Order. + Eldest sons of younger sons of Peers. + Baronets' eldest sons. + Knights' eldest sons, in order of their fathers. + Members of 5th class of Royal Victorian Order. + Younger sons of Peers' younger sons. + Baronets' younger sons. + Knights' younger sons, in order of their fathers. + Naval, Military, and other Esquires by Office. + Gentlemen entitled to bear Coat Armour. + + +LADIES + + The Queen. + The Queen Mother. + The Sovereign's daughters. + Wives of Sovereign's younger sons. + Sovereign's granddaughters. + Wives of Sovereign's grandsons. + Sovereign's sisters. + Wives of Sovereign's brothers. + Sovereign's aunts. + Wives of Sovereign's uncles. + Sovereign's nieces. + Wives of Sovereign's nephews. + Duchesses (in same order as Dukes). + Wives of eldest sons of Dukes of Blood Royal. + Marchionesses. + Wives of eldest sons of Dukes. + Daughters of Dukes. + Countesses. + Wives of younger sons of Royal Dukes. + Wives of eldest sons of Marquesses. + Daughters of Marquesses. + Wives of younger sons of Dukes. + Viscountesses. + Wives of eldest sons of Earls. + Daughters of Earls. + Wives of younger sons of Marquesses. + Baronesses. + Wives of eldest sons of Viscounts. + Daughters of Viscounts. + Wives of younger sons of Earls. + Wives of eldest sons of Barons. + Daughters of Barons. + Maids of Honour. + Wives of younger sons of Viscounts. + Wives of younger sons of Barons. + Daughters and sons' wives of Life Peers. + Wives of Baronets. + Daughters of Baronets. + Wives of eldest sons of Knights. + Daughters of Knights. + Wives of younger sons of Peers' younger sons. + Wives of younger sons of Baronets. + Wives of younger sons of Knights. + Wives of Esquires. + Wives of Gentlemen. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +THE COLLOQUIAL APPLICATION OF TITLES + + +The colloquial application of titles differs materially from the +application of titles when not used colloquially, and many persons are +in doubt as to whether they should or should not make use colloquially +of titles in full. + +His Majesty the King should be addressed as "Sir" by all those who come +in social contact with him; and by all others as "Your Majesty." + +Her Majesty Queen Mary should be addressed as "Ma'm" by all those who +come in social contact with her; and by all others as "Your Majesty." + +Her Majesty Queen Alexandra should be addressed as "Ma'm" by all those +who come in social contact with her; and by all others as "Your +Majesty." + +The Prince of Wales, the Duke of Connaught, and all princes of the blood +royal, should be addressed by the upper classes as "Sir." + +The princesses of the blood royal, should be addressed as "Ma'm" by the +upper classes. The wives of the princes of the blood royal should also +be addressed as "Ma'm" by the upper classes. + +All crowned heads visiting England should be addressed as "Sir" by those +socially known to them, and as "Your Majesty" by all others. The Royal +ladies, their wives, should be addressed as "Ma'm" by those personally +known to them, and as "Your Majesty" by all others. + +A foreign prince bearing the title of Serene Highness should be +addressed as "Prince," and not as "Sir," by the aristocracy and gentry, +and as "Your Serene Highness" by all other classes. + +A foreign princess, also bearing the title of serene highness, should be +styled "Princess" when addressed colloquially by the upper classes, but +not as "Ma'am"; and as "Your Serene Highness" by all other classes. + +An English duke should be addressed as "Duke" by the aristocracy and +gentry, and not as "Your Grace" by members of either of these classes. +All other classes should address him colloquially as "Your Grace." + +An English duchess should be addressed as "Duchess" by all persons +conversing with her belonging to the upper classes, and as "Your Grace" +by all other classes. + +A marquess, colloquially, should be addressed as "Lord A." + +A marchioness should be addressed as "Lady A." by the upper classes. It +would be a mistake to address an English marquess as "Marquess," or a +marchioness as "Marchioness," colloquially speaking. All other classes +should address them either as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship," "My Lady" or +"Your Ladyship." + +An earl should be addressed as "Lord B." by the upper classes, and as +"My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes. + +A countess should be addressed as "Lady B." by the upper classes, and as +"My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes. + +A viscount should be addressed as "Lord C." by the upper classes, and as +"My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes. + +A viscountess should be addressed as "Lady C." by the upper classes, and +as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes. + +A baron should be addressed as "Lord D." by the upper classes, and as +"My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes. + +A baroness should be addressed as "Lady D." by the upper classes, and as +"My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes. + +In strictly official or business intercourse a marquess, an earl, a +viscount, a baron, and a younger son of a duke or marquis, should be +addressed as "My Lord." + +The eldest son of a duke should be addressed as "Lord A." by the upper +classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes. + +The wife of the eldest son of a duke should be addressed as "Lady A." by +the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other +classes. + +The younger sons of a duke should be addressed as "Lord John E." or +"Lord Charles E." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your +Lordship" by all other classes. Persons well acquainted with them would +address them colloquially by their title and christian name, as "Lord +John" or "Lord Charles." The same remark applies to their wives, who are +often colloquially addressed as "Lady Alfred" or "Lady Edward." + +The wives of the younger sons of a duke should be addressed as "Lady +John E." or "Lady Charles E." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or +"Your Ladyship" by all other classes. + +The daughters of a duke should be addressed as "Lady Mary A." or "Lady +Elizabeth B." by the upper classes, and as "Lady Mary" and "Lady +Elizabeth" by those intimate with them, and as "My Lady" or "Your +Ladyship" by all other classes. + +The eldest son of a marquess should be addressed as "Lord A." by the +upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes. + +The wife of the eldest son of a marquis should be addressed as "Lady A." +by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other +classes. + +The younger sons of a marquis should be addressed as "Lord Henry B." +and "Lord Frederick B." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your +Lordship" by all other classes. + +The wives of the younger sons of a marquis should be addressed as "Lady +Henry B." and "Lady Frederick B." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" +or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes. + +The daughters of a marquis should be addressed as "Lady Florence B." and +"Lady Sarah B." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your +Ladyship" by all other classes. + +The eldest son of an earl should be addressed as "Lord C." by the upper +classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes. + +The wife of the eldest son of an earl should be addressed as "Lady C." +by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other +classes. + +The daughters of an earl should be addressed as "Lady Blanche" and "Lady +Evelyn" by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all +other classes. + +The younger sons of earls, and both eldest and younger sons of viscounts +and barons, only bear the courtesy title of honourable. The daughters of +viscounts and barons also bear the courtesy title of honourable. This +title should never be used colloquially, "The Hon. Cecil Blank," "The +Hon. Mrs. Cecil Blank," and "The Hon. Mary Blank," should be styled +"Mr., Mrs., and Miss Mary Blank." + +Baronets should be addressed by their full title and surname, as Sir +John Blank, by the upper classes, and by their titles and christian +names only by all other classes. + +Baronets' wives should be addressed as "Lady B." or "Lady C," according +to the surnames of their husbands: thus, "Sir John Blank's" wife should +be addressed as "Lady Blank" by the upper classes, not as "Lady John +Blank"--to do so would be to give her the rank of the wife of the +younger son of a duke or marquis instead of that of a baronet's wife +only--and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes. + +The wives of knights should be addressed as "Lady B." or "Lady C.," +according to the surnames of their husbands: thus, "Sir John Blank's" +wife should be addressed as "Lady Blank" by the upper classes, and as +"My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes. + + +=In addressing Foreigners of Rank colloquially=, the received rule is to +address them by their individual titles and surnames. + +A prince or princess should be addressed by their full title: thus, +"Prince Munich," or "Princess Munich," by the upper classes. Persons +intimate with them usually address them as "Prince" or "Princess," as +the case may be. + +In the case of a prince being a younger son, and not the reigning head +of the house, his christian name is generally used after his title when +addressing him: thus, "Prince Louis," in lieu of "Prince" only. The same +remark applies to the unmarried daughters of princes. They also should +be addressed by their christian name, in addition to their title of +"Princess," by the aristocracy and gentry, and as "Your Serene" or "Your +Imperial Highness," according to their birth and title, by all other +classes. + +A French duke should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of +monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Rouen," by the upper classes, and as +"Monsieur le Duc" by all other classes. + +A French duchess should be addressed by her surname, with the addition +of madame: thus, "Madame de Rouen" by the upper classes, and as "Madame +la Duchesse" by all other classes. + +A marquis should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of +monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Harfleur" by the upper classes, and as +"Monsieur le Marquis" by all other classes. + +A marquise should be addressed by her surname, with the addition of +madame: thus, "Madame la Harfleur" by the upper classes, and as "Madame +la Marquise" by all other classes. + +A comte should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of +monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Montpellier" by the upper classes, and as +"Monsieur le Comte" by all other classes. + +A comtesse should be addressed by her surname, with the addition of +madame: thus, "Madame de Montpellier" by the upper classes, and as +"Madame la Comtesse" by all other classes. + +A vicomte should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of +monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Toulouse" by the upper classes, and as +"Monsieur le Vicomte" by all other classes. + +A vicomtesse should be addressed by her surname, with the addition of +madame: thus, "Madame de Toulouse" by the upper classes, and as "Madame +la Vicomtesse" by all other classes. + +A baron should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of +monsieur: thus, "Monsieur d'Avignon" by the upper classes, and as +"Monsieur le Baron" by all other classes. + +A baronne should be addressed by her surname, with the addition of +madame: thus, "Madame d'Avignon" by the upper classes, and as "Madame la +Baronne" by all other classes. + +A young unmarried lady should be addressed as "Mademoiselle d'Avignon" +by the upper classes, and as "Mademoiselle" by all other classes. + +In German titles the distinction of "Von" before the surname is seldom +used colloquially, the title and surname being used without the prefix +of "Von." Thus, "Count von Ausberg" should be addressed as "Count +Ausberg" in conversation, and not as "Monsieur le Comte." + +Foreign ladies of rank should be addressed by their title and surname, +and not by their title only, and the prefix "Von" should be omitted; but +in the case of a French or Italian title the "de" or "de la" before the +surname should on no account be omitted. + +When Englishmen are extremely intimate with foreigners of rank they +would, in conversation, probably address them by their surnames; but +only thorough intimacy and friendship warrants this familiarity. + + +=As regards addressing the Clergy=, an archbishop should be addressed +colloquially as "Archbishop" by the upper classes, and as "Your Grace" +by the clergy and all other classes. + +A bishop should be addressed colloquially as "Bishop" by the upper +classes, and as "My Lord" by the clergy and all other classes. + +A dean should be styled "Dean Blank" or "Dean," by the upper classes, +and as "Mr. Dean" by the clergy. + +An archdeacon should be addressed as "Archdeacon Blank," and a canon as +"Canon Blank." + +The wives of archbishops, bishops, and deans should be respectively +addressed as "Mrs. A.," "Mrs. B.," or "Mrs. C." They take no title from +the spiritual rank of their husbands. + + +=Officers in the Army= should be respectively addressed as "General A.," +"Colonel B.," "Major C.," or "Captain D.," and not as "General," +"Colonel," or "Major," except by their very intimate friends. + +The wives of officers should be addressed as "Mrs. A.," "Mrs. B.," "Mrs. +C.," or "Mrs. D." They should never be addressed as "Mrs. General A.," +"Mrs. Colonel B.," "Mrs. Major C.," or "Mrs. Captain D." + +A lady should not address her husband colloquially by his surname only, +as "Jones," "Brown," or by whatever his surname might be, or speak of +him without the prefix of "Mr." + +The usual rule is for a wife to speak of her husband as "Mr. Brown," or +"My husband," except to intimate friends, when the christian name only +is frequently used, and to address him by his christian name only. + +A wife should not address her husband by the initial letter of his +surname, as "Mr. B." or "Mr. P."; neither should a husband address his +wife by the initial letter of his surname. + +When intimate friends address each other by the initial letter of their +names it is by way of pleasantry only, and such cases, of course, do not +come within the rules of etiquette. + +Peeresses frequently address their husbands, and speak of them, by the +name attached to their title, in place of using their christian or +family name. Thus, the "Earl of Blankshire" would be styled "Blankshire" +by his wife, without the prefix of "Lord," and his usual signature would +be "Blankshire," without the addition of any christian name. + +Baronets' wives should not address their husbands by their surnames, but +by their christian names, and should speak of them as "Sir George" or +"Sir John." + +The wives of knights also should not address their husbands by their +surnames, but by their christian names, and should speak of them as "Sir +George" or "Sir John." + +The Lord Mayor should be addressed as "Lord Mayor," colloquially, and +the Lady Mayoress as "Lady Mayoress," unless the Lord Mayor during +office is created a baronet or receives the honour of knighthood, when +he should be addressed as "Sir John" or "Sir Henry," and his wife as +"Lady A." + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +POINTS OF ETIQUETTE AS REGARDS ROYAL PERSONAGES + + +General society is now very frequently brought into contact with +royalty--members of the Royal Family of England and members of various +royal families of Europe. + +With His Majesty this association is of frequent occurrence as regards +the general public, and persons possessing special interest are +constantly brought into communication with him. + +Strict Court etiquette is greatly in abeyance, and laid aside by His +Majesty when paying visits to personal friends, or when receiving visits +from the same. + +The geniality of the English princes and princesses is everywhere +acknowledged, and the restrictions of Court etiquette are frequently +relaxed by their desire when visiting at the houses of the nobility and +gentry. + +The etiquette that reigns in foreign Courts--Austria, Russia, Greece, +etc.--is seldom waived, and is adhered to with much punctilio. So much +so is this the case with certain foreign princes who visit our shores, +that the observances they claim as due to their exalted position are +often felt to be a restraint upon the hosts whom they honour with their +company, in town or country, at dinner, ball, or country-house party. + +On the other hand, many royal personages who occasionally visit England +are unbending and unceremonious towards society in general. + +When royal personages visit London for a few weeks, whether located at +palace, embassy, or hotel, it is etiquette for any person who is +personally acquainted with or connected in any way with their Court or +cabinet, or who has been presented at their Court, to leave cards on +them and write their names in their visiting books. Persons still higher +in the social scale, give receptions in their honour, and invite them to +stay at their princely mansions. + +When such visits are paid, the principal neighbours are usually invited +to meet the royal guests at dinner, ball, or reception, and on the +invitation card is written, "To meet H.R.H. the Crown Prince of ----," +or "Her Serene Highness the Grand Duchess of ----," etc.; but a hostess +exercises her own discretion respecting the invitations she issues. + +If a ball is in contemplation the county at large is invited to the +mansion, but if dinner invitations only are issued, then the circle is +necessarily restricted to a favoured few. + +The neighbours who are not invited to a house where a royal guest is +staying should avoid calling on the hostess until the departure of the +royal visitors, even if calls are due. + +The principal people of a county who happen to be present at an +entertainment, either dinner or dance, are usually presented to the +royal guests by the host or hostess, permission to do so having been +first solicited. + +When the person to be presented is a person of rank or distinction, it +would only be necessary to say, "May I present Lord A., or General B., +to you, Sir?" but if the person to be presented has no particular claim +to the honour beyond being popular in the county, the request should be +prefaced with a few words of explanation respecting the person to be +presented. + +When the name or fame of those presented has reached the ears of the +royal guests, they usually shake hands on the presentation being made, +and enter into conversation with them; otherwise they merely bow, and +make one or two passing remarks. + +A house-party is generally composed of those with whom a royal guest is +more or less acquainted. When the party includes any one who is a +stranger to the royal guests, he or she should be presented on the first +opportunity. + +The members of the Royal Family have each, more or less, their +particular set, as have also the foreign princes who periodically visit +this country, and therefore house-parties are usually made up of those +moving in the set of the expected prince. + +For the proper mode of addressing royal personages, see Chapter VI. + + +=As regards royal invitations=, all invitations from the Sovereign are +commands, and must be answered and obeyed as such, and the word +"command" must be made use of in answering such invitations. If any +reason exists for not obeying His Majesty's commands it should be +stated. + +Invitations from members of the Royal Family are treated by courtesy as +commands, but in replying to such invitations the word "command" should +not be used. The answers to such invitations should be addressed to the +Comptroller of the Household, by whom they are usually issued. + +Answers to royal invitations should be written in the third person, and +reasons given for non-acceptance. + +A previous engagement cannot be pleaded as an excuse for refusing a +royal invitation; only personal indisposition or serious illness, or +death of near relatives, would be adequate reasons for not accepting a +royal invitation. + +When a royal invitation is verbally given, the answer should be verbal +also. + +At all entertainments at which royal guests are present they should be +received by the host and hostess in the entrance-hall. In the case of +serene highnesses they should be received by the host and conducted by +him to the hostess; this rule equally applies to the reception of +eastern princes. + + +=Henceforward there are to be= in Great Britain no Princes or Princesses +other than those of the Blood Royal. Only the children and grandchildren +of the Sovereign will hold princely rank; the titles of "Highness" and +"Serene Highness" will disappear; and that of "Royal Highness" will be +reserved to the direct descendants of the King in the male line. + + +=The King has deemed it desirable=, in the conditions brought about by +the present war, that those princes of his family who are his subjects +and bear German names and titles should relinquish these titles and +henceforth adopt British surnames. + + +=His Majesty has conferred Peerages= of the United Kingdom on the +following:--The Duke of Teck to be a Marquis; Prince Alexander of Teck +to be the Earl of Athlone; Prince Louis of Battenberg to be the Marquis +of Milford Haven; and Prince Alexander of Battenberg to be the Marquis +of Carisbrooke. + + +=Indian Princes.=--The exact status of Indian princes has never been +actually laid down, but all who are "Highnesses" are given precedence at +the English Court and in society after the Royal Family and foreign +princes. In the procession at Court entertainments they go in front of +ambassadors. + +No Indian prince is considered to be of blood royal, and they do not +stand in the line at levées and Courts, but all have the private +_Entrée_. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +POINTS OF ETIQUETTE WHEN TRAVELLING ABROAD, AND PRESENTATIONS AT FOREIGN +COURTS + + +The acquaintanceship of foreign residents is of considerable service to +English people purposing to winter abroad, or to remain for any length +of time in a continental city, as by its means they obtain an entrance +into foreign society. An introduction to the English Ambassador or +Minister at a foreign Court is of still greater service in this matter. + +People of recognised position in society have the privilege of leaving +cards at the English Embassy at any foreign city in which they intend +making a temporary stay. + +So thoroughly is the position of English travellers known to the English +Ministry at a foreign Court, that should a person, who is not received +in English society, leave cards at the English Embassy, they would be at +once returned as an intimation that the acquaintance is declined. + +It is erroneous to suppose that by leaving cards upon foreigners of +distinction, an acquaintanceship can be commenced, for unless +introductions have been formally made, leaving cards is a useless +proceeding. + +At far-away spots little frequented by the general run of travellers, +and where there are but few, if any, resident English, travellers +requiring advice or assistance from the English consul, can, without an +introduction, call upon him, nationality being the ground upon which to +do this, and if of equal social standing, they would be received with +social consideration; if otherwise, all assistance would be given to +them from an official point of view. Many people when travelling abroad +make pleasant acquaintances even without the help of introductions, the +occasion of a meeting being as it were a semi-introduction in itself. + +Such casual acquaintanceships are, however, attended with certain risks, +especially to persons who have been absent from England some little +time, or who when in England have entered comparatively but little in +society, and who are thus apt to drift unawares into close friendships +with people perhaps well bred and agreeable, although tabooed at home +for some good and sufficient reason. _Contretemps_ such as these are +painful to kind-hearted people when subsequently compelled to avoid and +to relinquish the acquaintance of those with whom they have become +pleasantly intimate. An introduction to an English resident in either +town or city obviates any unpleasantness of this nature, as one so +situated is generally kept _au courant_ with all that takes place in +society at home. + + +=When persons desire to enter into society abroad= they endeavour to +obtain letters of introduction from friends and acquaintances to +residents in the cities they purpose visiting. + +Unless English travellers have been duly presented at the Court of St +James's, they cannot obtain presentations at foreign Courts through the +English Embassies. + +When a lady desires a presentation at a foreign Court, she should write +to the English Ambassadress and request the honour of a presentation, +and should state the date of her presentation and the name of the lady +by whom she was presented. After her statement has been duly verified +the request is granted. In a like manner when a gentleman desires a +presentation at a foreign Court, he should write to the Ambassador and +request the honour of a presentation, and should state the date of the +Levée at which he was presented, and the name of the person by whom the +presentation was made. + +Presentations at foreign Courts take place in the evening, and the +persons to be presented, and those who attend, assemble previous to the +entrance of the royal personages: the rule is for the grand _maîtresse_ +to present each lady in turn to her royal mistress, who makes the tour +of the apartment for this purpose, and addresses some courteous +observation to each. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +THE RECEIVED MODE OF PRONOUNCING CERTAIN SURNAMES + + +There are, perhaps, two reasons why various surnames are so frequently +mispronounced, the one being unfamiliarity with the freak of fashion +which governs the pronunciation of certain well-known names, the other +ignorance, or want of education. + +When sensitive persons hear a name pronounced differently from the way +in which they have themselves but just pronounced it, and in a tone and +manner strongly suggestive of correction, it is wounding to their _amour +propre_. + +As a rule, when persons are in doubt as to the correct pronunciation of +any particular name, it would be best to avoid mentioning it, if +possible, until their doubts are set at rest by some one better informed +than themselves. + +Names that have a fashionable or peculiar pronunciation, or are +pronounced otherwise than as they are spelt, are but few, and names +which it is possible wrongly to accent are also not very numerous; but +it is surprising how often these names occur in the course of +conversation. + +The names of distinguished artists that are open to mispronunciation +occur far oftener in conversation than do the general run of uncommon +surnames. + +There are many celebrated hunts and hunting quarters of which the names +are open to considerable mispronunciation. + +With regard to placing the accent on the wrong syllable in the +pronunciation of names, it requires but little thought to avoid making +this mistake, a popular error being that of placing the accent upon the +last syllable of a name; whereas, in a name of two syllables, the accent +should invariably be placed upon the first, and the second syllable +should be as it were slightly abbreviated or slightly altered. + +In names of three syllables the error usually consists in placing the +accent upon the last syllable, whereas the accent should be placed upon +the second syllable. There are occasional exceptions to this rule, and +the few names given in this chapter, both as regards their pronunciation +and accentuation, will serve as a useful guide in the pronunciation of +uncommon names. + + SPELT. PRONOUNCED. REMARKS. + + Abergavenny. Abergen'ny. _Av_ not sounded. + Arbuthnot. Arbuth'not. + Arundel. Arrandel. + + Beaconsfield. Beckonsfield. + Beauchamp. Bea'cham. + Beauclerk or } Bo'clair. Accent on first syllable. + Beauclerc. } + Belvoir. Be'ver. + Berkely. Bark'ley. + Bethune. Bee'ton. + Bicester. Bis'ter. Accent on first syllable. + Blount. Blunt. + Blyth. Bly. _Th_ not sounded. + Bourke. Burk. + Bourne. Burn. + Bowles. Boles. + Breadalbane. Breaddal'bane. Accent on second syllable. + Brougham. Broum. + Buchan. Buck'an. Accent on first syllable. + Burdett. Burdett'. Accent on last syllable. + Burnett. Burnett'. Accent on last syllable. + Bury. Berry. + + Calderon. Cal'dron not + Cauldron. + Charteris. Charters. + Cholmeley. Chum'ley. + Cholmondeley. " + Cirencester. Cis'ester. Accent on first syllable. + Clanricarde. Clanrecarde. Accent on second syllable. + Cockburn. C[=o]burn. _Ck_ not sounded. + Colquhoun. Kohoon'. Accent on last syllable. + Conynham. Cunyingham. + Coutts. Koots. + Cowper. Cooper. + + Dalziel. Dee'al. Accent on first syllable. + Derby. Darby. + Des Vaux. Deveu. The _x_ not sounded. + Devereux. Devereu. The _x_ not sounded. + Dillwyn. Dil'lun. The _wy_ takes the sound of + _u_; the accent on first + syllable. + Duchesne. Dukarn. + Du Plat. Du Plar. + + Elgin. The _g_ hard as in give. + Eyre. Air. + + Fildes. Filedes. _Not_ Filldes. + Fortescue. Fort'iskew. + + Geoffrey. Jefrey. + Geoghegan. Gaygan. + Gifford. Jifford. The _g_ soft as in George. + Gillett. _G_ hard as in Gilbert. + Gillott. _G_ hard. + Glamis. Glarms. + Gorges. Gor'jes. First _g_ hard and second + _g_ soft. + Gough. Goff. + Gower. Gor. But Gower as regards the + street of that name with + the general public. + + Harcourt. Har'kut. Accent on first syllable. + Heathcote. Heth'kut. + Hertford. Har'ford. + Home. Hume. + Hughes. Hews. + + Jervis. Jarvis. + Johnstone. The _t_ not sounded. + + Kennaird. Kennaird'. Accent on last syllable. + Kennard. Kennard'. Accent on last syllable. + Ker. Kar. + Knollys. Knowls. + + Layard. Laird. + Leconfield. Lek'onfield. + Lefevre. Lefavre. + Leigh. Lee. + Lyvedon. Livden. + + Macnamara. Macnemar'ar. Accent on third syllable. + Mainwaring. Man'nering. + Marjoribanks. Marshbanks. + McIntosh. Makintosh. + McLeod. McCloud. + Menzies. Myng'es. Accent on first syllable. + Meux. Mews. The _x_ sounded as _s_. + Millais. Mil'lay. Accent on first syllable. + Milnes. Mills. + Molyneux. The _x_ sounded, with slight + accent on last syllable. + Monck. Munk. + Monckton. Munk'ton. Accent on first syllable. + Monson. Munson. + Montgomerie or } Mungum'ery. Accent on second syllable. + Montgomery. } + Mowbray. Mobrey. + + Nigel. Ni'jel. + + Ouless. Ooless. + + Parnell. Parnell'. Accent on last syllable. + Pepys. Pep'is. Accent on first syllable. + Pierrepont. Pierpont. + Ponsonby. Punsonby. + Pontefract. Pomfret. + Pugh. Pew. + Pytchley. P[=y]tch'ley. Not Pitchley. + + Ruthven. Riv'en. + + Sandys. Sands. + St. Clair. Sinclair. + St. Maur. See'mor, or + S'nt Maur. + St. John. Sinjin. As regards christian and + surname, but as St. John + when applied to church or + locality. + Seymour. Sey'mer. Accent on first syllable. + Strachan. Strawn. + + Tadema. Tad'ymar. Accent on first syllable. + Tollemache. Tollmash. + Trafalgar. Trafalgar'. Accent on last syllable; as + regards the peer of that + name, not otherwise. + Tredegar. Trede'gar. Accent on second syllable. + Tremayne. Tremayne'. Accent on last syllable. + Tyrrwhitt. Tirritt. + + Vaughan. Vorn. + Vaux. The _x_ sounded. + Villbois. Vealbwor. + Villiers. Vil'lers. + + Waldegrave. Wal'grave. The _de_ not sounded. + Wemyss. Weems. + Willoughby D'Eresby. Willowby D'Ersby. + + + + +CHAPTER X + +PRESENTATIONS AT COURTS AND ATTENDING COURTS + + +Courts are now held in lieu of Drawing-rooms by Their Majesties the King +and Queen at Buckingham Palace, and at which Presentations to Their +Majesties are made. + +These Courts are held in the evenings at ten o'clock, but the hour at +which the company should commence to arrive is intimated by the Lord +Chamberlain in the notice issued of the Courts to be held. + +Two Courts are usually, but not invariably, held before Easter, and two +more after Easter. + +Ladies who have been presented at Drawing-rooms and Courts, held during +the last two reigns, do not require to be again presented to Their +Majesties the King and Queen; thus, ladies who have already been +presented at these Drawing-rooms, and who are desirous of being invited +to one or other of these Courts, and who are also desirous of making +presentations, should send in their names and the names of those to be +presented by them to the Lord Chamberlain, St. James's Palace, S.W., on +the 1st of January in each year, but not before that date. + +Ladies are also privileged to mention at the same time when it will be +most convenient to them to pay their respects to Their Majesties. If it +should not be convenient for a lady to attend or be presented at the +particular Court to which she is invited, it will be open to her to make +her excuses to the Lord Chamberlain in writing, when her name can, if +desired, and if possible, be transferred to another list. + +A lady who makes a presentation to Their Majesties, must be personally +acquainted with and responsible for the lady she presents. She must +herself attend the Court, and cannot present more than one lady in +addition to her daughter or daughter-in-law. The numbers received at +each Court being necessarily limited, ladies can only receive occasional +invitations. Therefore, those who cannot be included in the year's list +of invitations will receive an intimation to this effect from the Lord +Chamberlain in answer to their applications to attend. + + +=The Persons entitled to be presented at Their Majesties' Courts= are +the wives and daughters of the members of the aristocracy, the wives and +daughters of those holding high official appointments in the Government, +the wives and daughters of Members of Parliament, the county gentry and +town gentry, the wives and daughters of the members of the legal, +military, naval, clerical, medical, and other professions, the wives and +daughters of merchants, bankers, and members of the Stock Exchange, and +persons engaged in commerce on a large scale. + +Although the word "gentry" is thus elastic, and although persons coming +within the category might be fairly entitled to the privilege of +attending Courts, yet it is well understood that birth, wealth, +associations, and position give a _raison d'être_ for such privilege; +as, for instance, the wife and daughters of an officer in the navy or a +line regiment, whose means are slender, and whose position is obscure, +would not be justified for these reasons in attending a Court, although +the officer himself might attend a levée if desirous of doing so; and +this remark equally applies to the wives and daughters of clergymen, +barristers, and others similarly situated. + + +=Presentations to Their Majesties= are made officially by the various +foreign ambassadresses, by the wives of the members of the Cabinet, and +by the wives of other official personages in various departments of the +State, either civil, military, naval, or clerical. + +Presentations at each of Their Majesties' Courts are now limited by +royal command. + +Presentations to Their Majesties should be made either by a relative or +a friend of the lady presented who has herself been previously +presented. + +A lady has the privilege of presenting one lady only at a Court in +addition to her daughter or daughter-in-law. + +This restriction does not apply to ladies who, from official position or +other circumstances, are specially privileged to make presentations to +Their Majesties. + +When a presentation is not made officially or by a near relative it is +considered a favour on the part of the person making the presentation +towards the person presented. + +The responsibility of a presentation rests upon the person who makes it, +both as to the social and moral fitness of the person presented; +therefore, to solicit the favour of a presentation from a friend is to +incur a considerable obligation, and it is a favour ladies have no +hesitation in refusing unless good reasons exist for granting it. + +When presentations are made through official channels the responsibility +rests upon the "office" rather than upon the person making the +presentation; hence presentations so made have little personal +significance to the person making them. + + +=A Lady having been presented on her Marriage= has the privilege of +attending, by invitation, any subsequent Court, but ladies who have no +official position will only be allowed to attend a Court by summons +every third year. On the accession of her husband to any title, she +would again have to be presented, and should she marry a second time +another presentation would be necessary to entitle her to attend one of +Their Majesties' Courts. + + +=It is the Privilege of the Married Lady to make Presentations=, but +should any person be presented whose antecedents or present position +renders her socially unqualified to be presented, the Lord Chamberlain, +on becoming aware of the fact, would at once cancel the presentation, +and officially announce it in the _Gazette_, and the person making such +presentation would be expected to tender an apology for so doing. + + +=An Unmarried Lady does not possess the Privilege= of making a +presentation, however high her rank may be. She is not permitted to +attend any subsequent Courts after first presentation until three years +have elapsed; save under exceptional circumstances. + +Four Courts are held during each year at Buckingham Palace, two before +and two after Easter, but due intimation is given previous to each Court +being held by the Lord Chamberlain through the medium of the official +_Gazette_, from whence it is copied into the newspapers. + +The wives of members of the Cabinet and of the ambassadors or ministers +at the Court of St. James's usually attend at each Court, and have the +privilege of doing so by reason of the official presentations made by +them at each Court. + + +=It is compulsory for a Lady= making a presentation to be herself +present at the Court at which the presentation is to be made, though it +is not necessary for her to accompany the person whom she presents, but +simply to attend the same Court. + + +=When a Lady intends making a Presentation= she should, on or after the +1st of January write to the Lord Chamberlain and inform him of a wish +to attend a Court, and forward the name of the lady to be presented by +her. + + +=Ladies are not expected= to attend Court more than once in every three +years, unless under exceptional circumstances. + + +=A Lady attending a Court= may present one lady in addition to her +daughter or daughter-in-law. + + +=A Lady presented for the First Time= can only present her daughter or +daughter-in-law at the Court at which she is presented. + + +=No Applications can be received= from ladies who wish to be presented. +Their names must be forwarded by the ladies who wish to make the +presentations. + + +=Summonses are issued= about three weeks before the date of each Court. + +Ladies may be accompanied to Court by their husbands if the latter have +been presented, but gentlemen do not pass before the King and Queen. +Ladies are requested to forward the names of their husbands at the same +time as their own, in order that they may be submitted together, as once +the summons has been issued the amending of a summons card in order to +include a lady's husband can only be permitted under the most +exceptional circumstances. + + +=Those who have the Privilege of the Entrée= enter at the gate of the +Palace situated outside Buckingham Gate. Those who possess this +privilege are the diplomatic circle, the Cabinet ministers and their +wives, and the members of the Household. The rooms, two in number, next +to the Presence Chamber, are appropriated to them. All who have the +privilege of the _entrée_ are received by Their Majesties before the +general circle, and according to their individual precedency, and they +have also the privilege of making the first presentations. + + +=When a Lady arrives at the Palace= she should leave her wraps in the +cloak-room with one of the maids in attendance. After crossing the Great +Hall, she then makes her way up the Grand Staircase to the Corridor, +where she shows her invitation-card to the page-in-waiting, and then +passes on to one of the saloons. + +When a lady arrives early she gains admission to the saloon next to +those reserved for the _entrée_. When she arrives late she has to take +her place in a further room of the suite according to the number of +persons present. + +The gentlemen-at-arms stationed at the door of each room close the gilt +barriers when they consider the saloons are full. Chairs and benches are +placed in the corridor and in these saloons for the accommodation of +ladies thus waiting their turn to enter the Throne-room or Presence +Chamber. + +As the ladies quit each room for the Presence Chamber, others take their +places, and the barriers are again closed, and this is continued until +every one has been received. + +A lady has to pass through the two _entrée_ saloons before reaching the +Picture Gallery. + +At the door of the Picture Gallery a lady's train, which she has +hitherto carried on her arm, is let down by two officials in attendance, +and spread out by them with their wands; she should cross the gallery +with her train down to the Presence Chamber, at the door of which she +should give the card of invitation she has brought with her to the +official stationed there to receive it. + + +=A Lady on being presented=, curtsys to the King and curtsys to the +Queen. The King bows in return, as does also the Queen. A lady presented +does not kiss the Queen's hand, as she formerly did. The King does not +shake hands with any present, however high their rank may be, neither +does the Queen shake hands with any present. + +A lady on being presented does not now curtsy to any member of the +Royal Family when she has passed Their Majesties, and leaves the +Presence Chamber, stepping backwards, facing the royal party, until +making her exit from the apartment, when an official places her train on +her arm at the threshold of the doorway. + + +=When a Lady wishes to attend a Court=, after having been duly +presented, it is necessary to inform the Lord Chamberlain of her wish to +attend. Summonses are issued about three weeks before the date of each +Court. + +Having received a summons to attend a Court she should take the summons +card with her, which she should show to the page-in-waiting in the +corridor, and eventually hand it to the official stationed at the door +of the Presence Chamber, by whom it is passed on to the Lord +Chamberlain, who announces the name to Their Majesties. + +A lady attending a Court curtsys to the King; she also curtsys to the +Queen, but does not curtsy to any other member of the Royal Family +present. + + +=In the General Circle there is no Precedency= as to the order in which +ladies attending a Court enter the Presence Chamber. The earliest +arrivals are the first to appear before Their Majesties, without +reference to rank or position; and the same rule applies to ladies who +are presented, or to ladies who make presentations. + + +=A Married Lady presented at a Court= can, at the same Court, present +her daughter or daughter-in-law; but in this case the one presented by +her should enter the Presence Chamber after her, and not before her. + +Although, according to present regulations, the unmarried daughters of +members of the nobility and gentry who have already been presented are +only expected to attend a Court once in every three years, it will not +prevent their being invited to Court functions, to the State balls, +concerts, and garden parties. + + +=Ladies who have been presented at a Court= have the privilege of +writing their names in Their Majesties' visiting book at Buckingham +Palace once during the season. The hours of calling for this purpose are +generally from three to five o'clock in the afternoon. + + +=It is Imperative for Ladies to wear Full Court Dress= when attending or +being presented at a Court, viz. low bodice, short sleeves, and train to +dress not less than three yards in length from the shoulders. + +Whether the train is cut round or square is a matter of inclination or +fashion. The width at the end should be 54 inches. + +It is also imperative that a presentation-dress should be white, if the +person presented be an unmarried lady; and it is also the fashion for +married ladies to wear white on their presentation, unless their age +renders their doing so unsuitable. + +The white dresses worn by either _débutantes_ or married ladies may be +trimmed with either coloured or white flowers, according to individual +taste. + + +=High Court Dress.=--The Queen has been pleased to permit that a high +Court dress of silk, satin, or velvet, may be worn at Their Majesties' +Courts, and on other State occasions, by ladies, to whom, from illness, +infirmity, or advancing age, the present low Court dress is +inappropriate, viz.: Bodices in front, cut square, or heart-shaped, +which may be filled in with white only, either transparent or lined; at +the back, high, or cut down three-quarters height. Sleeves to elbow, +either thick or transparent. + +Trains, gloves, and feathers as usual. + +It is necessary for ladies who wish to appear in "High Court Dress" to +obtain Royal permission, through the Lord Chamberlain. + +This regulation does not apply to ladies who have already received +permission to wear high dress. + + +=White gloves only should be worn=, excepting in case of mourning, when +black or grey gloves are admissible. + +As a lady on presentation does not now kiss the Queen's hand as formerly +she did, she is not required to remove the right-hand glove before +entering the Presence Chamber. This order, therefore, is no longer in +force, and a lady wearing elbow gloves and bracelets will find it a +great convenience not to be obliged to take off her glove. + + +=It is compulsory for both Married and Unmarried Ladies to Wear +Plumes.=--The married lady's Court plume consists of three white +feathers. + +An unmarried lady's of two white feathers. + + +=The three white feathers= should be mounted as a Prince of Wales' +plume, and worn towards the left-hand side of the head. + + +=Coloured feathers= may not be worn. + + +=In deep mourning= white feathers must be worn, black feathers are +inadmissible. + + +=White veils or lace lappets= must be worn with the feathers. The veils +should not be longer than 45 inches. + + +=Bouquets are not included= in the dress regulations issued by the Lord +Chamberlain, although they are invariably carried by both married and +unmarried ladies. It is thus optional to carry a bouquet or not, and +some elderly ladies carry much smaller bouquets than do younger ladies. + +A fan and a lace pocket-handkerchief are also carried by a lady on +presentation or on attending a Court, but these two items are also +altogether optional. + + + + +CHAPTER XI + +PRESENTATIONS AT LEVÉES AND ATTENDING LEVÉES + + +=Levées are held by the King= in person. Those who have been presented +at levées held by His late Majesty, King Edward, do not require to be +again presented to His Majesty King George. + + +=Four or more Levées are usually held every year= by the King at St. +James's Palace. + +Gentlemen are officially presented by the heads of any department or +profession to which they individually belong, whether civil or military, +naval or clerical; it is more usual for a gentleman to be presented by +the head of his department, or by the colonel of his regiment, than by +his nearest relative. + + +=Presentations are also made by Relatives= and friends of those +presented; but these are greatly in the minority at all levées. + + +=Gentlemen must be again presented= at every step in their career, +whether civil, military, naval, or clerical--on civil appointments, on +gaining steps of naval, military, legal, or clerical rank, and on +accession to title, whether inherited or conferred. + + +=Those entitled to be presented at His Majesty's Levées are= the members +of the aristocracy and gentry, the members of the diplomatic corps, the +Cabinet, and all leading Government officials, Members of Parliament, +leading members of the legal profession, the naval and military +professions, the leading members of the clerical profession, the leading +members of the medical and artistic professions, the leading bankers, +merchants, and members of the Stock Exchange, and persons engaged in +commerce on a large scale. An exception to the rule as regards retail +trade is made in favour of any person receiving Knighthood, or when +holding the office of Mayor, or being made a Justice of the Peace, or on +receiving a Commission in the Territorial forces. + +The dates on which levées are to be held are duly announced in the +_Gazette_, and in the daily newspapers. + +At all future levées cards of admission will be required, as the numbers +at each of these ceremonies must be limited. + +The Lord Chamberlain has issued the following revised list of rules, +which are to be observed at attendances and presentations in future-- + +All officers, whether on the active or retired lists, of the Royal Navy +and the Royal Marines, of whatever rank, should communicate with and +obtain their cards from the private secretary to the First Lord of the +Admiralty. All civil officers of the Admiralty should follow the same +rule. + +All officers, whether on the active or retired lists, of the Army, +Regulars or Territorials, of whatever rank, except those on the Indian +and Colonial Establishments, should communicate with and obtain their +cards from the Adjutant-General at the War Office, stating clearly at +which levée they desire to be present, and whether they wish to attend +or to be presented; if the latter, stating by whom and on what occasion. +Deputy lieutenants of counties should also communicate and obtain their +cards from the War Office. + +Officers of the Household Cavalry and Foot Guards on the active list +should make application to the Lord Chamberlain at St. James's Palace +for cards of admission and presentation. All retired Officers of the +Household Cavalry and Brigade of Guards should apply to the War Office. + +All officers of the Indian Civil Service and of the Indian Army, of +whatever rank, whether on the active or retired lists, should +communicate with and obtain their cards from the private secretary to +the Secretary of State at the India Office, Whitehall. + +All officers of the Colonial service and Colonial forces, of whatever +rank, whether on the active or retired lists, should communicate with +and obtain their cards from the Colonial Office, Whitehall. + +Similarly, all gentlemen connected with the Foreign Office, the Home +Office, officials connected with the Houses of Parliament, or any +Government department, should communicate with and obtain their cards +for attendance or presentation at levées from the department under which +they serve. + +Judges, law officers, King's Counsel, and all legal officials holding +appointments under the Crown are requested to make their applications +through the secretary to the Lord Chancellor. + +Peers, bishops, Lords-Lieutenants of Counties, Members of Parliament, +clergy of all denominations, and all gentlemen, other than the +above-mentioned, should communicate with the Lord Chamberlain at St. +James's Palace, when they will each be furnished with a card of +admission for use at the levée. + +The names both for attendance and presentation must be received at the +various offices above indicated not later than eight days prior to the +date of each levée, but in the case of officers, who make application to +the War Office, fourteen days before the date of each levée. + + +=When a Gentleman makes a Presentation= it is compulsory for him to +attend the same levée as the person whom he presents, and the card of +presentation is sent to him to be forwarded to the person to be +presented. + + +=A Gentleman on being presented= should bow to the King, and His Majesty +will bow to him in return. Gentlemen attending a levée should also bow +to His Majesty. + + +=Gentlemen who have been presented= at a levée have the privilege of +writing their names in His Majesty's visiting book at Buckingham Palace +once during the season. The hours of calling for this purpose are +generally from three to five o'clock in the afternoon. + + +=The Dress to be worn at Courts, State Functions and Levées.=--Full +dress uniform is invariably worn by all gentlemen entitled to wear it. +All officers of Scottish kilted corps should wear the kilt irrespective +of their being mounted officers or not. Gentlemen who do not wear +uniform may wear either velvet Court dress, new style; velvet Court +dress, old style; cloth Court dress. + +The new style velvet Court dress is of black silk velvet. The body of +the coat lined with white silk and the skirt with black silk. Steel +buttons. Waistcoat of white satin or black silk velvet. Breeches of +black silk velvet, black silk hose, patent leather shoes, steel buckled; +white bow necktie, white gloves, sword, black beaver or silk cocked hat. +The velvet Court dress, old style, is very similar to the foregoing, +with the addition of a black silk wig-bag at the back of the neck, and +lace frills and ruffles. The cloth Court dress consists of a coat of +dark mulberry, claret, or green cloth with black silk linings, gold +embroidery on collar, cuffs, and pocket flaps, gilt buttons with +Imperial Crown; waistcoat of white corded silk or white Marcella; +breeches of cloth, colour of coat; black silk hose, patent leather +shoes, sword, white bow necktie, white gloves, black beaver or silk +cocked hat. + +Levée dress is identical with the foregoing except that trousers--with a +row of narrow gold lace down the side seams--are worn, and not +breeches. Military patent leather boots. + + +=Archbishops and Bishops= at Levées and Courts wear Convocation robes, +viz. scarlet cloth chimere, without hood; purple cassock and sash, lawn +rochet with sleeves, white cambric bands, black silk scarf, black +breeches, silver knee buckles, black silk stockings, shoes with silver +buckles; purple or black velvet square soft cap to be carried. At +Evening State Functions and Full Dress Dinners they wear a purple cloth +Court coat over a short cassock or apron, sash of purple silk, black +breeches, black silk stockings, shoes with silver buckles; black corded +silk three-cornered hat to be carried. + + +=Deans and Archdeacons= at Evening State Functions wear the same dress +as bishops except that the coat and short cassock are black. Doctors of +Divinity at Levées and Courts wear the scarlet cloth robe of their +University, without hood. + + +=Clergy if not Doctors of Divinity= at Levées and Courts wear full +canonicals, that is, a black silk Geneva gown, double-breasted; black +silk long cassock and sash, scarf and white lawn bands, black breeches, +silver knee buckles, black silk stockings, shoes with silver buckles, +black corded silk three-cornered hat. At Full Dress Dinners and Evening +State Parties when canonicals are not worn, they wear a black cloth +Court coat, cassock, waistcoat of black corded silk, black breeches, +black silk stockings, shoes, silver buckles; black corded silk +three-cornered hat to be carried. White gloves are worn at all Court +functions. The academical habit should not be worn at Court except when +addresses are presented from the Universities. + +When the Court is in mourning, gentlemen attending a levée are expected +to wear a band of black crape on the left arm above the elbow. + + + + +CHAPTER XII + +BALLS AND STATE BALLS + + +=Balls= are given in town and country by society at large, and these +invitation balls include Hunt Balls, Military and Naval Balls, Yeomanry +and Territorial Balls, Bachelors' Balls, etc. + + +=Public Balls= are those balls for which tickets of admission can be +purchased, although for many of these balls it is necessary to obtain +vouchers from the committees or patronesses, when held in town or at +watering-places. + +Public balls include County Balls, Charity Balls, and Subscription +Balls, etc. + + +=In Town, Ball-giving= is in a way a science, and an amusement upon +which large sums of money are frequently expended. + + +=A Crowded Ball= is not always pronounced a good ball by the guests, +often the contrary, but then, again, what is termed a thin ball is open +to the accusation of not going off well, and falling rather flat; of not +being kept up with spirit, and of being considered a stupid ball, and so +on. + +To hit upon a happy medium with regard to the number of guests is an +achievement in ball-giving which is only arrived at by a careful study +of the map of the county, and a judicious selection of night. This +selection is of paramount importance to the success of a ball, as when a +smarter ball is given at a smarter house on the particular evening +chosen by the giver of a less brilliant ball, the grander ball +extinguishes the lesser ball, through the most fashionable people merely +looking in at the one, and remaining the rest of the evening at the +other. This putting out as it were of the lesser light, occurs very +frequently during the London season to ball-givers moving in the same +sets. The guests who have been expected to add lustre to the lesser +balls appear but for a few minutes, and usually arrive rather early, +uncomplimentarily early, at perhaps a little before eleven, and remain +hardly half an hour in the rooms, making their way to another ball of +the same calibre, and remaining there perhaps another twenty minutes, +before arriving at the goal, viz. _the_ ball of the evening. Both ladies +and gentlemen follow this practice, thus, at a little after twelve, an +average ball-giver finds her rooms deserted by all but those who have +nowhere else to go. Although the flitting of the guests thus early is a +disappointment to the hostess, and although it does not prevent the +fleeting ball-givers from making suitable returns by placing the family +on their ball lists, it yet greatly mars the enjoyment of the ball, and +prevents its being looked back upon with anything approaching to +pleasure or satisfaction, the departure of the most eligible partners +being not the least of the vexations of the night. + +These _contretemps_ are sometimes unavoidable; but, when practicable, it +is always best to postpone a ball rather than to allow it to clash with +a ball of greater pretensions. + +An impromptu dance is often a great success, while an impromptu ball is +almost as certain to prove a great failure. + + +=The Difference between a Dance and a Ball= consists in the number of +the invitations issued, in the strength of the band, and the extent of +the supper arrangements. + +At a dance the number of the guests varies from eighty to two hundred; +at a ball they vary from two hundred to five hundred. + +At a dance a piano band is frequently engaged, while at a ball a full +band is requisite. At a ball the floral decorations are a great feature, +at a small dance they are often dispensed with. Ladies new to society as +it were, or whose circle of acquaintance is of a limited character, and +who do not number in that circle many ball-givers, and who yet desire to +form a ball acquaintance, frequently place their ball in the hands of +some intimate friend of higher standing than themselves, giving her +_carte blanche_ to form a ball list. When this plan is followed, +invitations are still sent out by the ball-giver; in every case the name +and compliments of the lady who forms the list are sent with the card. + +This plan, although of advantage to the hostess, is often productive of +much unpleasantness to her unfashionable friends, who are naturally very +much affronted at being excluded from the ball list, which they usually +are, as a lady who undertakes to form a ball list for a friend is not a +little arbitrary as to the conditions under which she assumes its +management. She naturally wishes the ball to be confined to her own set, +to the exclusion of what she terms all outsiders. + +Ladies are always more or less reluctant to yield up their ball to the +exclusion of their old friends, however anxious they may be to make new +ones. But when a ball is thus given it is thoroughly understood that +conditions, however stringent, must be complied with. + + +=A Hostess should receive her Guests= at the head of the staircase at a +ball given in town, and at the door of the ball-room at a country house +ball. She should shake hands with each guest in the order of their +arrival. + +The ladies of a party should advance towards the hostess, followed by +the gentlemen of their party. + +A lady and gentleman should not ascend the staircase arm-in-arm, or make +their entrance into the ball-room arm-in-arm. The gentlemen invariably +enter the ball-room after the ladies of their party, and never before +them, or arm-in-arm with them. A ball is usually opened either by the +hostess herself, or by one of her daughters. + + +=Opening a Fancy Dress Ball= simply signifies dancing in the first +quadrille. Opening a dance means dancing the first valse. + +When a member of the Royal Family, or a foreign prince, is expected, +dancing should not commence until the arrival of the royal guest; and +when the royal guest is a lady, the host should open the ball with her, +having his wife or daughter as _vis-à-vis_. When the royal guest is a +prince, the hostess or her daughter should open the ball with him. + +When a prince wishes to dance with any lady present, with whom he is +unacquainted, his equerry informs her of the prince's intention, and +conducts her to the prince, saying as he does so, "Mrs. A----, your +Royal Highness" or "Miss B----, your Royal Highness." The prince bows +and offers her his arm; the lady should curtsy and take it. She should +not address him until addressed by him, it not being considered +etiquette to do so. The same course is followed by a princess; strangers +to the princess should not ask her to dance, but the host has the +privilege of doing so. When more than one royal personage is present, +the one of the highest rank leads the way, with either hostess or host. +(See Chapter V.) + + +=Royal Guests= should be received by the host and hostess at the +entrance of the mansion, and by them conducted to the ball-room. At +ball-suppers the same precedence is strictly in force, the royal guests +leading the way with host or hostess (see p. 49). + +The same etiquette should be observed on the departure of royal guests +as on their arrival. + + +=General Introductions= should not be made to royal guests, and +introductions should be made by request only. + +Gentlemen present at a ball are expected to ask the daughters of the +house for one dance at least. + +A hostess should use her own discretion as to any introduction she +thinks proper to make. When a ball is given in the country, the hostess +should endeavour to find partners for those young ladies who are +strangers to the general company. But when a ball is given in town, she +is not expected to do so, as in town the guests are supposed to be +acquainted with each other more or less, and to be independent of the +kind offices of a hostess. + + +=The Dances mainly in vogue at the moment= are, "Valses," "The Boston," +"Two Steps," and "The Cotillon," in which handsome presents are given. +"Quadrilles" are danced at "State Balls," and at those balls at which +the King and Queen are present. Also at "Fancy Dress Balls." "Lancers" +are danced occasionally at "Hunt Balls." + + +=The Precedency observed= in sending guests in to supper is far more +punctiliously followed in the country than in town. The host should take +in the lady of highest rank present, and the hostess should endeavour to +send in the principal guests according to their individual rank; but in +town she generally leaves the guests to follow the host and lady of +highest rank according to their inclinations, a guest should not enter +the supper-room before the host has done so. + +When a gentleman takes a lady in to supper, he should re-conduct her to +the ball-room as a matter of course; the fact of friends joining her in +the supper-room would not relieve him from this obligation. And the same +etiquette applies equally to a lady. She should return to the ball-room +only with the gentleman who has taken her down to supper, unless she is +engaged for the ensuing dance, when her partner might come in quest of +her; she should then return to the ball-room with him. + +It is not usual for guests to take leave of a hostess at a London ball. +This remark applies to acquaintances of the hostess, and not to intimate +friends. + +At a country ball the guests are on a more friendly footing than is +generally the case in town; and, therefore, make a point of taking leave +of the hostess if possible. + +It is optional whether a host conducts a lady to her carriage or not. In +the country more is expected of him than in town in this respect, as at +a London ball, such a civility would involve a vast amount of exertion +which few hosts would be willing to undergo: ladies accompanied by an +acquaintance generally make their way to their carriages. + + +=The Custom of covering in Small Balconies= and the windows of the +drawing-rooms where a ball takes place, rendering the atmosphere of the +room almost insupportable from the total exclusion of air, is fast +disappearing. The space gained by this means for the accommodation of +the guests is totally disproportionate to the discomfort thereby +entailed upon them. + +Ball-givers have at length realised the mistake of crowding two hundred +to three hundred people together into rooms not properly ventilated, and +it is now the rule, when covering in balconies, to introduce window +frames into the bunting covering, and to drape them with lace curtains, +etc., the windows of the ball-room being entirely removed. + +Large blocks of ice are frequently placed in convenient spots for the +purpose of cooling the atmosphere, and coloured ice produces a pretty +effect. + +Patent ventilators are also much in use, and the substitution of +electric lighting, on account of its emitting little heat, has become +general. + +Ball-goers appreciate these alterations as only those who have +experienced the close, stifling atmosphere of an over-crowded ball-room +can do, and as half the London ball-rooms are only average-sized +drawing-rooms, the absurdity of excluding air from the ball-room with +yards of thick canvas cannot be too severely criticised. + +Ball-givers, too, frequently issue far more invitations than the size of +their rooms authorises, under the mistaken idea that to have a great +crowd in their rooms is to give a good ball. + +But experienced ball-givers limit the number of their invitations to +under two hundred, instead of expanding it to over three hundred. + + +=The Country Ball Season= ostensibly commences in November, reaches its +zenith in January, and terminates early in February. + +The stewards of these balls are, as a rule, the representatives of the +various classes by whom they are attended; the members of the +aristocracy residing in the county heading the list of stewards, and the +members of the professional classes usually closing it. + +The top of the ball-room is, as a rule, appropriated by the aristocratic +element, head stewards and "lady patronesses." + +The enjoyment derived from country balls depends upon a variety of +circumstances, which do not influence in a like degree the ball-going +world of London. + + +=County Balls= are principally composed of a series of large parties +brought by different ladies in the neighbourhood where the ball is held; +but there are two classes of county balls, balls which are held in large +and populous towns and attended by the principal residents of the towns, +with only a small sprinkling of the county aristocracy and county +gentry. + +There are also Hunt Balls and annual Charity Balls which take place +between October and February, and which are an amalgamation of both +classes of balls. + +The neighbourhood where a ball is held is a sufficient indication as to +whether it is likely to be a smart one or not. + +As a rule the leading ladies of a county lend their names as patronesses +and supporters of a charity ball, although it by no means follows that +they will personally attend it; but a long list of influential +patronesses materially increases the sale of tickets, which is the +result to be achieved. + +A large attendance is not the primary object of a county ball, as the +sum raised by the sale of tickets is only required to defray the +expenses of the ball, although these are sometimes considerable, +especially when the decorations are elaborate, and the arrangements on a +grand scale, in which case there is not seldom a deficiency rather than +a surplus, which deficiency is defrayed by the stewards themselves. + +To ensure a good ball considerable unanimity on the part of the county +ladies is demanded, and they usually meet and consult together previous +to fixing the date of the ball, to take into consideration the fixtures +of neighbouring county balls, and so avoid the possibility of the said +balls clashing with their own county ball, and also with a view of +perhaps attracting the house parties of their more distant neighbours to +swell the numbers at their own ball. + +House parties invited for a ball vary from ten to twenty-five, as the +accommodation of a house admits. + +It is not the province of the stewards of a ball to find partners for +either ladies or gentlemen, and therefore, if a lady does not form one +of a large party, but merely attends a county ball with a relative or +friend, and has not a large acquaintance amongst these present, she has +very little chance of obtaining partners. + +Young ladies do not now return to their chaperons after each dance, or +after they have been to the tea-room. + +A gentleman should offer his arm to his partner at the conclusion of a +dance to conduct her to the tea-room. In round dances, it is customary +to take frequent pauses, and not to race round the ball-room until the +music ceases. + +At country balls programmes are invariably used; at London balls they +are never used, save at public balls. + +County balls usually commence between nine and ten o'clock, sometimes a +ball is not opened until the most influential of the stewards and their +parties have arrived, but oftener than not the two first dances are over +before the arrival of the county magnates. + +It depends upon the length of the drive at what time people arrive at a +ball; as a rule, they do not arrive later than 10.30 p.m. + +The usual mode of conveying a house-party to a ball is by private +omnibus in addition to carriages and motor-cars; but when these are +hired for the occasion the expense should be defrayed by the guests +themselves. + +It is usual to leave a country ball not later than half-past two; the +most fashionable people invariably do so about that hour. + +As a matter of course persons attending public balls take their ball +tickets with them. + + +=When attending a Military Ball=, or a Hunt Ball, it is usually the rule +to take the invitation card and hand it to the sergeant or official in +attendance. + +It is sometimes stated on the invitation card that this is to be done, +although it is often taken for granted that persons will do so of their +own accord. + +At balls given by private individuals, the invited guests should not +bring their invitation cards with them, unless in the case of a _bal +masqué_, where they are sometimes requested to do so. + +In giving a ball three weeks' notice is considered necessary, but with +regard to a dance a short ten days' notice would suffice. + + +=The Invitation Card= is the usual "at home" card, the word "Dancing" +being printed in the corner of the card. + +The word "ball" should never be used on an invitation card, however +grand the entertainment; and the same form of invitation is employed +either in the case of a small dance or of a large ball, though in the +event of a small dance only being given, the words "Small" or "Early" +should be written or printed on the invitation card. + +Invitations to a ball should be issued in the name of the hostess only. + +When the host is a widower, with a grown-up daughter, the invitations +should be issued in their joint names. + +When the host is a widower, or a bachelor, they should be issued in his +name. + +Invitations issued by officers, members of hunt committees, bachelors, +etc., to their balls, either request the pleasure or the honour of Mrs. +----'s company; but this formula should not be used by ladies when +issuing invitations; the "at home" card should simply bear the word +"Dancing" on the bottom of the card, the hour and date filled in in the +allotted space, the name of the guest written at the top of the card. + +In the case of a written invitation, it would be correct to use the +words "ball" or "dance" when alluding to the entertainment about to be +given, in a friendly note. + +A lady or gentleman might ask for an invitation for his or her friend to +a ball given by an acquaintance, although the acquaintanceship were of a +slight character; but a lady or gentleman should not ask for an +invitation to a ball if unacquainted with the giver of it. The fact of +mutual friends having received invitations to a ball gives no claim upon +the hospitality of a stranger, therefore such requests are inadmissible. + +The proper course for a person to pursue in the event of desiring an +invitation to a ball given by some one with whom he or she is +unacquainted, is to request some mutual friend to obtain one; and this +course is always followed. + + +=Cards should be left= by the guests present at a ball within the +current week if possible. (See Chapter III.) + + +=Gratuities= should never be given by the guests to the servants of the +house where a ball is given. + + +=State Balls.=--Two State Balls are annually given at Buckingham Palace +during the London season by command of His Majesty. Invitations are +issued by the Lord Chamberlain, but His Majesty previously revises the +list. + +When ladies and gentlemen attend a State Ball at Buckingham Palace they +make their way to the ball-room _unannounced_; and there is no official +reception accorded to them, either by "Royalty" or by the Lord +Chamberlain. + +Dancing does not commence until the arrival of the royal party, when the +guests rise and remain standing while the Royal Quadrille--with which +the ball opens--is being danced. + +The King and Queen act as host and hostess on these occasions, but +confine their attentions to those with whom they are personally +acquainted. + +Ladies attending a State Ball at Buckingham Palace should wear the usual +full evening dress; but they should not wear Court trains, or plumes, or +lappets. + +Gentlemen attending State Balls should wear uniform or full Court +dress--dress coat, breeches and silk stockings, shoes and buckles; +trousers can only be worn as part of a uniform, and not with a Court +dress as generally worn at a levée. + +A gentleman intending to dance should remove his sword, otherwise he +should not do so. + +When the Court is in mourning, ladies attending a State Ball should wear +mourning according to the official notice which duly appears in the +_Gazette_. + +Gentlemen should wear crape on the left arm, which is supplied in the +cloak-room of the Palace to those who have forgotten to provide +themselves with it, as it is imperative, when the Court is in mourning, +that a band of crape should be worn at either State Ball or State +Concert. + +The balls given by the princes and princesses of the blood royal are not +State Balls, therefore Court dress is not worn by the gentlemen present. + +They act as host and hostess at the balls given by them and receive +their guests, shaking hands with them as they are announced. + +Ladies and gentlemen do not take their cards of invitation with them to +Buckingham Palace. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +DINNER GIVING AND DINING OUT + + +=Dinner= giving is perhaps the most important of all social observances, +therefore dinner-parties rank first amongst all entertainments. + +Dinner giving is so thoroughly understood to rest upon the principle of +an equivalent, that those who do not give dinners hardly come within the +category of diners out. This rule, however, is open to many exceptions +in favour of privileged individuals, popular and prominent members of +society whose presence at dinner-parties is appreciated and welcomed in +most circles. + +Dinner-parties are of more frequent occurrence, and are of more social +significance, than any other form of entertainment. + + +=Dinner Invitations.=--An invitation to dinner conveys a greater mark of +esteem, or friendship and cordiality, towards the guest invited, than is +conveyed by an invitation to any other social gathering, it being the +highest compliment, socially speaking, that is offered by one person to +another. It is also a civility that can be readily interchanged, which +in itself gives it an advantage over all other civilities. + +The orthodox dinner giver must necessarily possess a certain amount of +wealth, and wealth and wit do not always go hand in hand. Oftener than +not, the former rather overweights the latter; hence, the introduction +of a lighter element in the form of amusing people whose _métier_ in +life it is to be amusing and to appear amused. + +Dinner giving is in itself not only a test of the position occupied in +society by the dinner giver, but it is also a direct road to obtaining a +recognised place in society. A means of enlarging a limited acquaintance +and a reputation for giving good dinners is in itself a passport to +fashionable society. Dinner giving, in the fullest sense of the word, is +a science not easily acquired, so much depending on the talent which the +host or hostess may possess for organising dinner-parties. + +When a large dinner-party is contemplated, it is usual to give three +weeks' notice, but of late this notice has been extended to four, five, +and even six weeks. + +Diners out are rather inclined to rebel against this innovation, +considering that an invitation bearing the date of a month hence pledges +them to remain in town, and as it were controls their movements, for the +acceptance of an invitation is in the eyes of diners out a binding +obligation; only ill-health, family bereavement, or some all-important +reason justifies its being set on one side or otherwise evaded. + +Those inconsiderate enough to make trivial excuses at the last moment +are not often retained on the dinner-list of a host or hostess. + +Dinner invitations are issued in the joint names of host and hostess. + +The master of the house occupies a prominent position amongst his +guests, when dispensing hospitality as a "dinner giver." + +From five to ten days' notice is considered sufficient for invitations +to small and unceremonious dinner-parties. + +Printed cards are in general use in town for issuing dinner invitations, +and can be purchased from any stationer; these cards only require to be +filled in with the names of host and hostess and guests, date, hour, and +address. The united names of the host and hostess should be written in +the space left for that purpose. Thus, "Mr. and Mrs. A.," and the name +or names of the guests in the next vacant space. + +When invitations are issued for small dinner-parties, it is more usual +to write notes than to make use of printed cards. + +Acceptances or refusals of dinner invitations should be sent with as +little delay as possible after the invitations have been received. It is +a want of courtesy on the part of a person invited not to do so, as a +hostess is otherwise left in doubt as to whether the person invited +intends dining with her or not, and is consequently unable to fill up +the vacant place with an eligible substitute; thus rendering her +dinner-party an ill-assorted one. + +An answer to an invitation cannot be solicited in a subsequent note; it +is therefore incumbent upon the invited person to dispatch an answer +within a day or two at least. Dinner invitations are either sent by post +or by a servant, and the answers are also conveyed in a like manner. + +Dinner invitations are invariably sent out by the hostess. + +It is not usual in town to invite more than three members of one family; +it is now the custom to ask young ladies with their parents to +dinner-parties. + + +=Receiving Dinner-Guests.=--The guests should arrive within fifteen +minutes of the hour named on the invitation card. + +On no occasion is punctuality more imperative than in the case of dining +out; formerly many allowed themselves great latitude in this respect, +and a long wait for the tardy guests was the result. A host and hostess +frequently waited over half an hour for expected guests. But now +punctuality has become the rule in the highest circles, and dinner is +served within twenty minutes of the arrival of the first guest. In +general, people much given to dining out make a point of arriving in +good time; but there are many in society who presume upon their +position, and are proverbially unpunctual, knowing that in the height of +the season a hostess would wait half an hour rather than sit down to +dinner without them; but this want of consideration soon becomes known +in their different sets, and is always taken into account when "their +company is requested at dinner." + +In France, it is not the rule, or the custom, to wait dinner for late +arrivals, and the dinner is served punctually to the hour named in the +invitation. + +The dinner-hour varies from eight to nine, although perhaps 8.30 is the +most usual hour. In the country it ranges from 7.30 to 8.30. + +Punctuality on the part of the guests enables the hostess to make any +introductions she may consider advisable before dinner is served. + +The host and hostess should be in readiness to receive their guests in +the drawing-room at the hour specified on the card. + +On arrival, a lady should take off her cloak in the cloak-room, or +should leave it in the hall with the servant in attendance, before +entering the drawing-room. + +A gentleman should leave his overcoat and hat in the gentlemen's +cloak-room, or in the hall. + +At large dinner-parties, the butler is stationed on the staircase, and +announces the guests as they arrive. At small dinner-parties, or where +only one man-servant is kept, the servant precedes the guest or guests +on their arrival, to the drawing-room. The guests should then give their +names to the servant, that he may announce them. + +A lady and gentleman, on being announced, should not enter the +drawing-room arm-in-arm or side by side. The lady or ladies, if more +than one, should enter the room in advance of the gentleman, although +the servant announces "Mr., Mrs., and Miss A." + +The host and hostess should come forward and shake hands with each guest +on arrival. The ladies should at once seat themselves, but gentlemen +either stand about the room and talk to each other, or sit down after a +wait of some minutes. + +When a lady is acquainted with many of the guests present, she should +not make her way at once to shake hands with all, but should make an +opportunity to do so in an unobtrusive manner; it would be sufficient to +recognise them by a nod or a smile in the mean time. A lady should bow +to any gentleman she knows, and he should cross the room to shake hands +with her at once if disengaged. + +At a small dinner-party, where the guests are unacquainted, the hostess +should introduce the persons of highest rank to each other; but at a +large dinner-party, she would not do so, unless she had some especial +reason for making the introduction. + +In the country, introductions at dinner-parties are far oftener made +than in town. + +Precedency is strictly observed at all dinner-parties. (See Chapter V.) + + +=Sending Guests in to Dinner.=--The host should take the lady of highest +rank present in to dinner, and the gentleman of highest rank should take +the hostess. This rule is absolute, unless the lady or gentleman of +highest rank is related to the host or hostess, in which case his or her +rank would be in abeyance, out of courtesy to the other guests. + +A husband and wife, or a father and daughter, or a mother and son, +should not be sent in to dinner together. + +A host and hostess should, if possible, invite an equal number of ladies +and gentlemen. It is usual to invite two or more gentlemen than there +are ladies, in order that the married ladies should not be obliged to go +in to dinner with each other's husbands only. Thus, Mrs. A. and Mr. B., +Mr. B. and Mrs. A., Mrs. B. should be taken in to dinner by Mr. C., and +Mr. A. should take Mrs. G., and so on. + +When ladies are in a majority at a dinner-party to the extent of two or +three, the ladies of highest rank should be taken in to dinner by the +gentlemen present, and the remaining ladies should follow by themselves; +but such an arrangement is unusual and undesirable, though sometimes +unavoidable when the dinner-party is an impromptu one, for instance, and +the notice given has been but a short one. + +If there should be one gentleman short of the number required, the +hostess frequently goes in to dinner by herself, following in the wake +of the last couple. + +The usual mode of sending guests in to dinner is for the host or hostess +to inform each gentleman, shortly after his arrival, which of the ladies +he is to take in to dinner. + +No "choice" is given to any gentleman as to which of the ladies he would +prefer taking in to dinner, it being simply a question of precedency. + +Should any difficulty arise as to the order in which the guests should +follow the host to the dining-room, the hostess, knowing the precedency +due to each of her guests, should indicate to each gentleman when it is +his turn to descend to the dining-room. He should then offer his arm to +the lady whom the host had previously desired him to take in to dinner. + +Dinner is announced by the butler or man-servant. + +When the guests have arrived, or when the host desires dinner to be +served, he should ring or inform the servant accordingly. + +On dinner being announced, the host should give his right arm to the +lady of highest rank present, and, with her, lead the way to the +dining-room, followed by the lady second in rank, with a gentleman +second in rank and so on. The gentleman of highest rank present should +follow last with the hostess. + +When the second couple are about to leave the drawing-room, the hostess +frequently requests each gentleman in turn to follow with a lady +according to the precedency due to each. Thus, "Mr. A., will you take +Mrs. B.?" This also answers the purpose of an introduction, should the +couple be unacquainted with each other, and the hostess has not found an +opportunity of introducing them to each other on their arrival. + +When a case of precedency occurs, in which either the lady or gentleman +must waive their right of precedence, that of the gentleman gives way to +that of the lady. (See Chapter V.) + +A gentleman should offer his right arm to a lady on leaving the +drawing-room. + +Ladies and gentlemen should not proceed to the dining-room in silence, +but should at once enter into conversation with each other. (See the +work entitled "The Art of Conversing.") + +On entering the dining-room the lady whom the host has taken in to +dinner should seat herself at his right hand. On the Continent this +custom is reversed, and it is etiquette for the lady to sit at the left +hand of the gentleman by whom she is taken in to dinner. + +The host should remain standing in his place, at the bottom of the +table, until the guests have taken their seats, and should motion the +various couples as they enter the dining-room to the places he wishes +them to occupy at the table. This is the most usual method of placing +the guests at the dinner-table. When the host does not indicate where +they are to sit, they sit near to the host or hostess according to +precedency. + +The host and hostess should arrange beforehand the places they wish +their guests to occupy at the dinner-table. + +If a host did not indicate to the guests the various places he wished +them to occupy, the result would probably be that husbands and wives +would be seated side by side, or uncongenial people would sit together. + +The custom of putting a card with the name of the guest on the table in +the place allotted to each individual guest is frequently followed at +large dinner-parties, and in some instances the name of each guest is +printed on a menu and placed in front of each cover. + +The host and the lady taken in to dinner by him should sit at the bottom +of the table. He should sit in the centre at the bottom of the table and +place the lady whom he has taken down at his right hand. The same rule +applies to the hostess. She should sit in the centre at the top of the +table, the gentleman by whom she has been taken in to dinner being +placed at her left hand. + +The lady second in rank should sit at the host's left hand. + +Each lady should sit at the right hand of the gentleman by whom she is +taken in to dinner. + +It is solely a matter of inclination whether a lady and gentleman, who +have gone in to dinner together, converse with each other only, or with +their right-and left-hand neighbours also, but they usually find some +topic of conversation in common, otherwise a dinner-party would prove +but a succession of _tête-à-tête_. + + +=The Menus= are placed the length of the table, on an average one to two +persons or occasionally one to each person, and the menu cards are +elaborate or simple, according to individual taste, and are purchased +printed for the purpose, having a space for the names of the dishes to +be filled in, which is usually done by the mistress of the house, unless +the establishment is on a large scale, it being usual to write them out +in French. + +Fanciful menu holders are much in use. + +The use of menus would be pretentious at a small dinner-party when there +is but little choice of dishes; but when there is a choice of dishes a +menu is indispensable. + + +=The Usual and Fashionable Mode of serving Dinner= is called _Dîner à la +Russe_, although at small or friendly dinners the host sometimes prefers +to carve the joint himself in the first course, and the birds in the +second course. But dinner-tables, whether for dining _à la Russe_, or +for dining _en famille_, are invariably arranged in the same style, the +difference being merely the extent of the display made as regards +flowers, plate and glass, which are the accessories of the dining-table. + +When the host helps the soup, a small ladleful for each person is the +proper quantity; a soup-plate should not be filled with soup. + +When the party is a small one, and the joints or birds are carved by the +host, the portions should be handed to the guests in the order in which +they are seated, although occasionally the ladies are helped before the +gentlemen. + +The rule at all dinner-parties is for the servant to commence serving by +handing the dishes to the lady seated at the host's right hand, then to +the lady seated at the host's left hand, and from thence the length of +the table to each guest in the order seated, irrespective of sex. + +Double _entrées_ should be provided at large dinner-parties, and the +servants should commence handing the dishes at both sides of the table +simultaneously. + +_Dîner à la Russe_ is the Russian fashion introduced into society many +years ago. The whole of the dinner is served from a side-table, no +dishes whatever being placed on the table save dishes of fruit. + + +=Dinner-table Decorations.=--As regards the most correct style of +dinner-table decorations, they offer great diversity of arrangement. + +High centre pieces and low centre pieces. Low specimen glasses placed +the length of the table and trails of creepers and flowers laid on the +table-cloth itself are some of the prevailing features of the day, but +table decorations are essentially a matter of taste rather than of +etiquette, and the extent of these decorations depends very much upon +the size of the plate chest and the length of the purse of the dinner +giver. + +The fruit for dessert is usually arranged down the centre of the table, +amidst the flowers and plate. Some dinner-tables are also adorned with a +variety of French conceits besides fruit and flowers; other +dinner-tables are decorated with flowers and plate only, the dessert not +being placed on the table at all; but this latter mode can only be +adopted by those who can make a lavish display of flowers and plate in +the place of fruit. + +As regards lighting the dinner table. Electric light is now in general +use in town, and more or less in the country when possible. When not +available, lamps and wax candles are used as heretofore. The shades in +use should be carefully chosen as they add greatly to the comfort of the +guests and to the success of the lighting. Silver candlesticks are often +fitted with small electric lamps, and handsome silver lamps are brought +into use in a similar manner for the dinner table. + +The term "cover" signifies the place laid at table for each person. It +consists of a table-spoon for soup, fish knife and fork, two knives, two +large forks, and glasses for wines given. For such arrangements see +chapter "Waiting at dinner" in the work entitled "Waiting at Table." + +Sherry is always drunk after soup, hock with the fish after the soup. +Champagne is drunk immediately after the first _entrée_ has been served, +and during the remainder of dinner until dessert. Claret, sherry, port, +and Madeira are the wines drunk at dessert, and not champagne, as it is +essentially a dinner wine. When liqueurs are given they are handed after +the ices. + + +=Dinner-table Etiquette.=--Soup should be eaten with a table-spoon and +not with a dessert-spoon, it would be out of place to use a +dessert-spoon for that purpose. Dessert-spoons, as their name implies, +are intended for other purposes, such as for eating fruit-tarts, +custard-puddings, etc., or any sweet that is not sufficiently +substantial to be eaten with a fork. + +Fish should be eaten with a silver fork when possible, otherwise with a +silver fish knife and fork. + +All made dishes, such as _quenelles_, _rissoles_, patties, etc., should +be eaten with a fork only, and not with a knife and fork. + +For sweetbreads and cutlets, etc., a knife and fork are requisite; and, +as a matter of course, for poultry, game, etc. + +In eating asparagus, a knife and fork should be used, and the points +should be cut off and eaten with a fork as is sea-kale, etc. + +Salad should be eaten with a knife and fork; it is served on salad +plates, which are placed beside the dinner-plates. + +Cucumber is eaten off the dinner-plate, and not off a separate plate. + +Peas should be eaten with a fork. + +In eating game or poultry, the bone of either wing or leg should not be +touched with the fingers, but the meat cut close off the bone; and if a +wing it is best to sever it at the joint, by which means the meat is cut +off far more easily. + +Pastry should be eaten with a fork, but in the case of a fruit tart, a +dessert-spoon should be used as well as a fork, but only for the purpose +of conveying the fruit and juice to the mouth; and in the case of stone +fruit--cherries, damsons, plums, etc.--either the dessert-spoon or fork +should be raised to the lips to receive the stones, which should be +placed at the side of the plate; but when the fruit stones are of larger +size, they should be separated from the fruit with the fork and spoon, +and left on the plate, and not put into the mouth; and whenever it is +possible to separate the stones from the fruit it is best to do so. + +Jellies, blancmanges, ice puddings, etc., should be eaten with a fork, +as should be all sweets sufficiently substantial to admit of it. + +When eating cheese, small morsels of the cheese should be placed with +the knife on small morsels of bread, and the two conveyed to the mouth +with the thumb and finger, the piece of bread being the morsel to hold, +as cheese should not be taken up in the fingers, and should not be eaten +off the point of the knife.[3] + +The finger-glass should be removed from the ice-plate and placed on the +left-hand side of the dessert-plate. When ices are not given, the +d'oyley should be removed with the finger-glass and placed beneath it. + +When eating grapes, the half-closed hand should be placed to the mouth, +and the stones and skins allowed to fall into the fingers, and placed on +the side of the plate. Some persons bend the head so as to allow of the +stones and skins of the grapes falling on the side of the plate; but +this latter way is old-fashioned, and seldom followed. Cherries and +other small stone-fruit should be eaten in the way grapes are eaten, +also gooseberries. + +When strawberries and raspberries, etc., are not eaten with cream, they +should be eaten from the stalks; when eaten with cream, a dessert-spoon +should be used to remove them from the stalks. When served in the +American fashion without stalks, both fork and spoon should be used. + +Pears and apples should be peeled and cut into halves and quarters with +a fruit-knife and fork, as should peaches, nectarines, and apricots. + +Melons should be eaten with a spoon and fork. + +Pines with knife and fork. + +The dessert is handed to the guests in the order in which the dinner has +been served.[4] + +When the guests have been helped to wine, and the servants have left the +dining-room, the host should pass the decanters to his guests, +commencing with the gentleman nearest to him. + +It is not the fashion for gentlemen to drink wine with each other either +at dinner or dessert, and the guest fills his glass or not, according to +inclination. + +Ladies are not supposed to require a second glass of wine at dessert, +and passing the decanters is principally for the gentlemen. If a lady +should require a second glass of wine at dessert, the gentleman seated +next to her would fill her glass; she should not help herself to wine. +After the wine has been passed once around the table, or about ten +minutes after the servants have left the dining-room, the hostess should +give the signal for the ladies to leave the dining-room, by bowing to +the lady of highest rank present, seated at the host's right hand. She +should then rise from her seat, as should all the ladies on seeing her +do so. + +The gentlemen should rise also, and remain standing by their chairs +until the ladies have quitted the room, which they should do in the +order in which they have entered it, the lady of highest rank leading +the way, the hostess following last. + +The host, or the gentleman nearest the door, should open it for the +ladies to pass out, and close it after them. + +When the ladies have left the dining-room, the gentlemen should close up +as near to the host as possible, so as to render conversation general. + +The wines usually drunk by gentlemen after dinner are claret of a fine +quality, and port. + +The ladies on leaving the dining-room return to the drawing-room. Coffee +should be almost immediately brought to the drawing-room. The +coffee-cups containing coffee should be brought on a silver salver, with +a cream-jug and a basin of crystallised sugar. + +In large country houses coffee is sometimes brought in a silver +coffee-pot, and the lady would then pour out her own coffee, the servant +holding the salver the meanwhile. + +Coffee should be taken a few minutes later to the dining-room, and +either handed to the gentlemen, or placed on the table, that they may +help themselves (see the work previously referred to). + +A very general plan is, after the wine has gone round once or twice, for +the host to offer cigarettes, which are smoked before the gentlemen join +the ladies in the drawing-room. + +After coffee, the gentleman of highest rank should leave the dining-room +first. The host would not propose an adjournment to the drawing-room, +until he observed a wish to do so on the part of his guests, but there +is no hard and fast rule on this head. + +It is not now the fashion for gentlemen to sit over their wine beyond +fifteen or twenty minutes at the utmost, instead of as formerly, from +three-quarters of an hour to an hour, a change much appreciated by +hostesses. + +On the Continent the gentlemen accompany the ladies to the drawing-room, +and do not remain in the dining-room as in England. + +The gentleman of highest rank present could suggest an adjournment to +the drawing-room within a quarter of an hour if he thought proper to do +so. If the other guests were engaged in a discussion in which he did not +wish to take part, having suggested the adjournment, he could leave the +dining-room to join the ladies in the drawing-room; but as a rule, the +gentlemen leave the dining-room together, the host following last. + +The host should ring the dining-room bell before leaving the room, as an +intimation to the butler that the gentlemen have left the room. + +At ceremonious dinner-parties in town neither music nor cards are +introduced during the usual half-hour passed in the drawing-room before +the hour for departure. + +At country-house dinner-parties music or round games of cards are in +request. + + +=Departure after Dinner.=--There is no rule as to the order in which the +guests should take their leave. Half-past ten is the usual hour for +general departure; and the butler announces the several carriages as +they arrive to the guests in the drawing-room. But if any lady wished to +inquire if her carriage had arrived, she should ask the hostess's +permission to do so; and the bell would be rung for the purpose of +making the enquiry. The same remark applies to ordering a cab: the lady +should ask the hostess if one might be ordered for her. + +The hostess should shake hands with all her guests on their departure, +rising from her seat to do so. + +Each guest on departure should shake hands with both host and hostess. + +If, on leaving the room, acquaintances should pass each other, they +should wish each other good-night, but they should not make the tour of +the rooms for the purpose of so doing. + +The host should conduct one or two of the principal of his lady guests +to their carriages. + +The ladies should put on their cloaks in the cloak-room, the host +waiting in the hall meanwhile. + +A gentleman related to the host or hostess, or a friend of the family, +could offer to conduct a lady to her carriage if the host were otherwise +engaged. + + +=Gratuities= should never be offered by the guests at a dinner-party to +the servants in attendance. Gentlemen should not offer fees to the +men-servants, neither should ladies to the lady's-maid in attendance. + +The guests should call on the hostess within a week or ten days after a +dinner-party. If "not at home," a married lady should leave one of her +own cards and two of her husband's; a widow should leave one of her own +cards; a bachelor or a widower should leave two cards. + +The rule as to calling after dinner-parties is greatly relaxed between +intimate friends, and the call often omitted altogether; and this more +particularly as regards gentlemen, whose occupations during the day are +considered good and sufficient reasons for not calling. + + +=Country Dinner-Parties.=--In the country, new acquaintances, if +neighbours, should be asked to dinner within a month of the first call +if possible, and the return invitation should be given within the +following month. + +When guests are assembled at a country house, they are sent in to +dinner, on the first evening, according to their individual precedence; +but on subsequent evenings the gentlemen frequently draw lots to decide +which lady they shall have the pleasure of taking in to dinner, +otherwise a lady and gentleman would go in to dinner together five or +six consecutive times, according to the length of the visit, but this is +more a practice with people who march with the times, than with what are +termed "old-fashioned people." + +When a party is varied by additional dinner-guests each evening, drawing +lots gives way to precedency, it being too familiar a practice to be +adopted at a large dinner-party. + + +=Saying Grace=, both before and after dinner, is a matter of feeling +rather than of etiquette. It used to be very much the custom to say +"grace," but of late years it is oftener omitted than not, especially at +large dinner-parties in town. + +In the country, when a clergyman is present, he should be asked to say +grace. When grace is said by the host, it is said in a low voice, and in +a very few words; the guests inclining their heads the while. + +It was no rapid revolutionary change in manners that brought about the +difference that now exists between the Elizabethan and present eras; no +polished mentor came forward to teach that it was not the nicest and +cleanest thing to do, to put knives into the salt, to dip fingers into +plates, or to spread butter with the thumb; on the contrary, these +things righted themselves little by little, step by step, until the +present code of manners was arrived at. But it is quite possible that a +hundred years hence it will be discovered that the manners of the +present century offered wide scope for improvement. + +In the meantime these rules of etiquette observed in society are adhered +to and followed by those who do not wish to appear singular, eccentric, +old-fashioned, unconventional, or any other adjective that the temper of +their judges may induce them to apply to them for committing solecisms, +either small or great. + + +=Married Ladies, as a rule, dine out with their Husbands=, and do not +accept invitations to large dinners when their husbands are unable to +accompany them. There are, of course, exceptions to this rule, and +circumstances sometimes arise when it is greatly relaxed; but even in +this case it would be in favour of small and friendly dinners rather +than large ones. + +During any temporary absence of her husband, a lady would accept +invitations to dine with her relatives and intimate friends, though she +might refuse invitations to large dinners given by acquaintances; but, +as a rule, when it is well known that the head of a house is away for +any length of time, invitations are seldom sent to the wife by givers of +large dinners. + +When young ladies are invited to dinner they accompany their father, +mother or brother; but occasionally, when a young ladies' party is given +by a friend of their parents', the young ladies are invited alone, and +they should either go with their maid in a cab or by themselves in their +father's carriage. + + +FOOTNOTES: + +[3] Respecting the arrangement of the dinner table for dessert, see the +work entitled "Waiting at Table." + +[4] See the work entitled "Waiting at Table." + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +DINNER-TABLE ETIQUETTE + + +Fashion has its freaks and its vagaries, and in relation to inanimate +objects these freaks and vagaries are but transitory and evanescent, but +when they touch upon manners and modes they become a conventionality and +a custom perhaps for many a year. Changes and innovations, slight as +they are, are more subtle than sudden, and, paradoxical as it may seem, +they are as important as they are insignificant; still it is difficult +to believe that fingers once did duty for forks, and that it was not +customary for a host to supply his guests with forks, who, if fastidious +enough to require them, were expected to bring them in their pockets. + +There are here and there people in society who affect a few +eccentricities of manner, but these whims at all times take the form of +originalities and not of vulgarities; and even then are only indulged in +by those whose position in society is secure. + + +=As regards Dinner-table Etiquette.=--When a lady has taken her seat at +the dinner-table, she should at once remove her gloves; although +occasionally long elbow gloves are not removed during dinner, but this +is conspicuous and inconvenient. She should unfold her serviette and +place it on her lap. It is immaterial whether she places the bread on +the right or left-hand side of the cover when taking it from the +serviette. + +A gentleman should do the same with his serviette and bread, placing +the one across his knees, and the other at his right or left hand. + +When a lady is some little time taking off her gloves, she should remove +her serviette before doing so: otherwise a servant would offer her soup +before she had made room for the soup-plate by removing the serviette, +and she should decide quickly as to which of the two soups handed to her +she will take, so as not to keep the servant waiting; and so on through +every course throughout the dinner as regards fish, meat, etc. + + +=The guests should consult the menu= on first sitting down to dinner. +Eating soup comes first under notice. In olden days it was customary to +drink it out of a basin. In these days no one "drinks" soup, it is +"eaten"; whether it be mock turtle or the clearest julienne, it is eaten +out of a soup-plate at dinner, and with a table-spoon. + +There is a reason for this choice of spoons; soup is nothing if it is +not hot, and as it is the custom to give only about half a ladleful to +each person, it is eaten quicker, and therefore hotter, with a large +spoon than with a small one. + +There is also a good and sufficient reason for small quantities of soup +being given in lieu of large ones, viz. the extent of the menu; and when +a plateful of soup is handed to a guest accustomed to the regulation +supply, he fears that he is expected to dine off it, and that there is +nothing much to follow. + +Again, small helpings require a smaller quantity of soup to be provided, +and a servant is less likely to spill plates containing a little soup +than plates that are half full. + +At ball suppers, when soup is served in soup-plates, it is also eaten +with a table-spoon, but not when served in small cups. + +Many years ago it was fashionable to eat fish with a fork and a crust of +bread; previous to this a table-knife and fork were considered the +proper things to use for this purpose. It was then discovered that a +steel knife gave an unpalatable flavour to the fish, and a crust of +bread was substituted for the knife. This fashion lasted a considerable +time, in spite of the fingers being thus brought unpleasantly near to +the plate, and to this day old-fashioned people have a predilection for +that crust of bread. One evening a well-known diner-out discarded his +crust of bread, and ate his fish with two silver forks; this notion +found such general favour that society dropped the humble crust and took +up a second fork. This fashion had its little day, but at length the two +forks were found heavy for the purpose and not altogether satisfactory, +and were superseded by the dainty and convenient little silver +fish-knife and fork which are now in general use. + +Small pieces of fish should always be given, and two different sorts of +fish should not be placed on the same plate. + + +=When oysters are given= they precede the soup, and should be eaten with +a dinner-fork, not with a fish-fork. In eating oysters the shell should +be steadied on the plate with the fingers of the left hand, the oysters +should not be cut, but should be eaten whole. Very many ladies do not +eat oysters at dinner simply because they do not like them, while others +refuse them under the impression that it is more ladylike not to eat +them. Perhaps with regard to young ladies it is a taste to be acquired. +Some men are very, if not over, fastidious, about the appetites +displayed by ladies, and would have them reject the _entrées_ and dine +upon a slice of chicken and a spoonful of jelly. Others, on the +contrary, respect a good appetite as giving proof of good health and +good digestion. There is of course a medium in all things, and as large +dinners are ordered mainly with a view to please the palates of men with +epicurean tastes, it is not expected that ladies should eat of the most +highly seasoned and richest of the dishes given, but should rather +select the plainest on the menu. This remark more particularly applies +to young ladies and young married ladies, whilst middle-aged and elderly +ladies are at liberty to do pretty much as they please, without +provoking comment or even observation. + + +=With reference to entrées=, some are eaten with a knife and fork, +others with a fork only. All _entrées_ that offer any resistance to a +fork require the aid of both knife and fork, such as cutlets, _filet de +b[oe]uf_, sweetbreads, etc., but when _rissoles_, patties, _quenelles_, +boneless curry, _vol-au-vents_, _timbales_, etc., are eaten, the fork +only should be used. + +In the case of the lighter _entrées_, the contact of the knife is +supposed to militate against their delicate flavour; thus, for these +_bonnes bouches_ the fork is all-sufficient wherewith to divide and eat +them. + +The leg of a chicken, pheasant, duck, or wild duck should never be given +to a guest save on those occasions when there are more guests present +than there is meat from breasts and wings to offer them. Under these +circumstances the carver is reduced to the necessity of falling back +upon the legs of the birds, but in this case only the upper part of the +thigh should be given, thus a guest has little difficulty in cutting the +meat from the bone. A wing of a bird is usually given to a lady. +Formerly it was thought a correct thing to sever the wing at the joint +and then to cut the meat from the bone; but this requires a certain +amount of strength in the wrist, and dexterity, should the bird not be +in its _première jeunesse_. + +As regards small pigeons, golden plovers, snipe, quails, larks, etc., a +whole bird is given to each guest, and the proper way to eat these birds +is to cut the meat from the breast and wings and to eat each morsel at +the moment of cutting it; the bird should not be turned over and over on +the plate, or cut in half or otherwise dissected. The legs of Bordeaux +pigeons are not, as a rule, eaten, and half a bird only is given, as +there is sufficient on the wing and breast to satisfy an ordinary +second-course appetite. When the legs of smaller birds are eaten, such +as snipe or golden plover, the meat should be cut off as from the breast +or wing. + +Young girls, as a rule, seldom eat a second course delicacy of this +description; a little chicken or pheasant on the contrary is usually +accepted by them. + + +=When large potatoes are served= in their skins a salad-plate should be +handed at the same time whereon to place them. + + +=When asparagus first comes into season= it is often given in the second +course instead of in the first, in which case it is eaten as a separate +dish. When handed with meat or poultry it should be eaten on the same +plate containing either. + +In eating asparagus, some elderly gentlemen still adhere to the fashion +of their youth and hold the stalks in their fingers, but the younger +generation cut off the points with a knife and fork. + +Sea-kale also is given in the second course when first in season, and +should be eaten with a knife and fork. + +Mushrooms are also eaten with a knife and fork. + +It need hardly be said that it would be a vulgarity to eat peas with a +knife, although those who reside abroad, or who are in the habit of +travelling on the continent, are not unaccustomed to seeing this done by +foreigners who are well-bred men. + +Artichokes are, it may be said, an awkward and untidy vegetable to eat; +they are only given in the second course as a separate vegetable; the +outside leaves should be removed with the knife and fork, and the inner +leaves which surround the heart, or head of the artichoke should be +conveyed to the mouth with the fingers and sucked dry; epicures consider +this vegetable a dainty morsel, but at dinner-parties young ladies +should not attempt to eat these artichokes. + +Savouries, when possible, should be eaten with a fork, but occasionally +a knife also is of imperative use. + + +=As regards sweets=, _compôtes_ of fruit and fruit tarts should be eaten +with a dessert-spoon and fork, as should those dishes where juice or +syrup prevails to the extent of rendering a dessert-spoon necessary. But +whenever it is possible to use a fork in preference to a spoon it is +always better to do so. + +Jellies, creams, blancmanges, ice puddings, etc., should be eaten with a +fork. + +As a matter of course, young ladies do not eat cheese at +dinner-parties. + + + + +CHAPTER XV + +EVENING PARTIES + + +=Evening Parties= are styled receptions or "at homes" according to the +number of guests invited. In official and political circles they are +invariably styled "Receptions," but when given on a smaller scale in +general society they are styled "At Homes." + + +=Invitations= to evening parties should be issued on "at home" cards. + +The name of the person invited should be written at the top of the card +at the right-hand corner, the words "at home" being printed beneath the +name of the lady issuing the invitation, the day and date beneath the +words "at home," the hour beneath the date. The address should be +printed at the bottom of the card. + +When music is to be given it should be mentioned on the "at home" card, +thus, "Music." + +The hour varies from 10 to 11 o'clock; in private circles 10 or 10.30 is +the usual hour; in official circles 10.30 or 11 o'clock. + +When a foreign royal personage is expected, or a foreigner of +distinction, or a personage possessing public interest, the words "To +meet Her Serene Highness Princess D.," or "To meet Count C." should be +written at the top of the invitation cards. + +When a reception or "at home" follows a dinner-party given by the +hostess, it is not usual to provide any special amusement for the +guests. But when an "at home" does not follow a dinner-party, it is +usual to provide some sort of amusement for the guests, such as +professional vocal or instrumental music. + +The guests are expected to arrive from half an hour to an hour of the +time mentioned on the invitation card, although it is optional when they +do so. + + +=Receiving the Guests.=--The hostess should receive her guests at the +head of the staircase, where she usually remains until the principal of +her guests have arrived; while the host welcomes the guests in the +drawing-room itself. + +Receptions or "at homes" usually terminate shortly before one o'clock, +save on Saturdays, when the hour of departure is 12 o'clock precisely. + + +=Making Introductions.=--A hostess should use her own discretion as +regards making introductions. + +When a royal personage is present the most distinguished of the guests +should be presented by the host or hostess. When a celebrity is present +introductions should also be made; and as regards general introductions +they should be made whenever the hostess judges it expedient to do so, +and the principal guests when unacquainted should be introduced to each +other when the opportunity occurs. + + +=Going in to Supper.=--The host should take the lady of highest rank in +to supper. + +When a royal princess is present the host should take her in to supper. + +When a royal prince is present he should take the hostess in to supper. +(See Chapter V.) + +It is optional whether the hostess follows with the gentleman of highest +rank present, unless a foreign prince is present, when she should +follow the host, and in the case of a royal prince being present she +should precede the host. + +When a royal prince or princess or a serene highness is present a table +should be set apart for the host and hostess and royal party, and any +among the guests whom the royal visitors may desire should join them at +supper. + +When the supper-room is not sufficiently large to accommodate the whole +of the guests at the same time, the most distinguished guests should go +in first. + +When the host is informed that supper is served he should tell the +principal gentlemen present which of the ladies he wishes them to take +into supper, and should himself lead the way with the lady of highest +rank present. + +The hostess should also assist in sending the principal guests in to +supper, and when the general company observe the move towards the +supper-room, they should follow in the same direction. + +When the general company are apparently not aware that the supper-room +is open, the hostess should ask the various gentlemen to take the ladies +in to supper, and should herself lead the way with one of the gentlemen. + +When the general company find the supper-room crowded they should return +to the drawing-room for a quarter of an hour or so; but the hostess +should arrange for some instrumental or vocal performance to commence +when supper is first served, so as to occupy the attention of the guests +who remain in the drawing-room. + +The guests frequently do not return to the drawing-room after supper, +but go to the cloak-room for their cloaks and wraps, and thence to their +carriages. + +It is not usual to take leave of the host and hostess at receptions. + + +=Royal Guests present.=--When a royal personage is present the host +should conduct her to her carriage. + +When a foreign prince is present the host should accompany him to the +hall door. + + +=Tea and Light Refreshments= should be served during the evening in the +library, or in an adjacent apartment. + +Supper should be served at twelve o'clock, in the dining-room, and +should be similar in character to a ball supper. + + +=Invitations to Bridge Parties= are issued on "at home" cards when the +guests number upwards of forty, and on visiting cards when a lesser +number is invited. + + +=The Invitation Form= is, "Mrs. A---- At Home" in both instances. The +day, date, and hour are put beneath the words "at home," and "Bridge" in +the corner of the cards opposite the address. The usual hour for holding +these evening receptions is 9 o'clock p.m., which allows of three hours' +play before midnight. The guests arrive very punctually, rather before +than after the hour named on the invitation cards. The guests comprise +an equal number of both sexes, as husbands and wives are invited +together when both are known to be bridge players, and bachelors who do +not disdain playing for small stakes are in great request. Also +unmarried ladies of a certain age; not girls in their teens. + +Prizes are given in some houses to the conquering players. One for the +ladies and one for the gentlemen, and occasionally a second prize for +the second best player of either sex. This is done when playing for +money does not commend itself to a host and hostess. The prizes consist +for the most part of useful articles. For instance, a box of gloves, a +box of bon-bons, a case of eau d'Cologne, a card-case, a bag purse, and +so on, all of which are acceptable to ladies; and a box of cigars or +cigarettes, a silver pocket-flask, a silver-mounted stick or umbrella, +are prizes the men winners are pleased to accept. + + +=The Bridge Tables= at which the guests are to sit are numbered, and the +hostess arranges by whom they are to be occupied. The names--four in +number for each table--are written or printed with the number of the +table upon small cards and given to the guests by the hostess on +arrival. This is done that good players may be placed together, and to +save confusion and loss of time in seating them at the various tables. + + +=The Refreshments= provided consist in the first instance of "coffee," +which is brought into the card-room or drawing-room and handed to the +guests. No eatables are given with this after-dinner coffee. A supper is +given either at the conclusion of the play at 12 o'clock--this being the +more usual plan--or at 10.30, after which play is resumed for another +hour or so; but the latter is more of a provincial custom than a town +one, and is intended for those whose dinner hour is an early one--6.30, +perhaps. + +When a supper is not given, very good light refreshments are substituted +for it, including cups of hot soup in the winter months. + + +=Going in to Supper= is arranged as far as possible on the following +lines, if precedence does not prevent its being carried out. The players +at each table who are partners when supper is served go in together. The +host leads the way with his partner, and all follow, the hostess and her +partner going last. + + +=Cards should be left= within a week or ten days after a reception. + +A married lady should leave one of her own and two of her husband's +cards. + +A widow should leave one of her own cards. + +A bachelor or widower should leave two of his cards. (See Chapter III.) + + + + +CHAPTER XVI + +WEDDINGS AND WEDDING LUNCHEONS + + +=Afternoon Weddings= are invariably solemnised at 2.30 o'clock. Only +very quiet weddings take place in the morning hours. Formerly, it was +only the few who were in a position to obtain special licences who could +have afternoon weddings. + + +=Marriage by "Banns"= is greatly in favour in general society. The banns +must be published three consecutive weeks previous to the marriage in +the parish in which the bridegroom resides, and also in that in which +the bride resides, and both should reside fifteen days in their +respective parishes previous to the banns being published. + + +=Marriages by Licence.=--When a marriage is solemnised by licence the +cost, with fees and stamps, amounts to £2. This should be obtained at +the Faculty Office, or at the Vicar-General's Office, Doctors' Commons, +and is available at any church in the parish where one of the parties +has resided for fifteen days previous to the application being made for +the licence, either in town or country. + +When the licence is obtained in the country through a clerical surrogate +the cost varies, according to the diocese, from £1 15_s._ to £2 12_s._ +6_d._ + + +=Special Licences= can only be obtained from the Archbishop of +Canterbury, after application at the Faculty Office, and an especial +reason must be given for the application, and one that will meet with +the Archbishop's approval. + +The fees for a special marriage licence average £29 5_s._ 6_d._ + + +=The Fees= to the officiating clergymen vary considerably, according to +the position and means of the bridegroom, from £1 1_s._ to £5 5_s._, as +the inclination of the bridegroom may dictate. + +The fee to the verger is subject to a like variation, commencing at +2_s._ 6_d._ + +All fees relating to a marriage should be defrayed by the bridegroom, +and paid by him, or by the best man on his behalf, in the vestry of the +church, previous to the ceremony; immediately after it, or some days +earlier. + + +=The Etiquette observed at Weddings= is invariably the same whether the +wedding takes place in the morning or in the afternoon, or whether it is +a grand wedding or a comparatively small one, whether the guests number +two hundred or whether they number twenty. + + +=The Invitations= should be issued from three weeks to a fortnight +before the wedding-day. + +The wedding luncheon or wedding reception should be given by the parents +of the bride or by her nearest relative, and the invitations should be +issued in the names of both parents. + +The invitations should be issued in notes printed in ink; they are now +seldom printed in silver. The form should be as follows: "Mr. and Mrs. +---- request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. ----'s company at the marriage +of their daughter Helen with Mr. John S----, at St. Peter's Church, +Hanover Square, on Tuesday, May 8th, at 2.30 o'clock, and afterwards at +---- Square. R.S.V.P." + +If a stepdaughter, it should be "at the marriage of Mrs. A----'s +daughter Helen B----." + + +=Wedding Presents.=--Every one who is invited to a wedding invariably +makes the bride or bridegroom a present; it is the received rule to do +so. Many send presents before the invitations are sent out--as soon as +the engagement is made known, if it is not to be a long one. + +There is no rule as to the time before the wedding-day when the present +should be sent; but invitations are usually sent to those who have given +presents, even though they live at a considerable distance, and may not +be able to attend the wedding. + +Wedding presents are displayed on tables of various sizes, according to +their number, and if very numerous and valuable, it is not unusual to +exhibit them at an afternoon tea, given for the purpose on the day +previous to the wedding. Each present should bear the card of the giver +attached to it. Presents of silver plate should be placed on a table +covered with dark cloth or velvet. It is not unusual to surround the +presents with flowers, notably roses, and this is often done by persons +of artistic tastes. + + +=The Bridegroom should provide= the wedding-ring and the bridal bouquet. + +The bouquets for the bridesmaids are also the gift of the bridegroom, +and should be sent to them on the morning of the wedding. He is also +expected to make a present to each bridesmaid--either a brooch, a +locket, a bracelet, or a fan, which should either be sent the day before +the wedding or on the morning of the wedding-day. + +The bridegroom should provide the motor-car to convey himself and his +bride from the church to the house where the wedding luncheon and +reception are to take place, and again from the house to the +railway-station, or, if the journey is made by road, to the place of +honeymoon; but frequently the bride's father places his own motor-car at +the disposal of the bride and bridegroom for this purpose, especially in +the country. The bridal carriage is the only one, according to +etiquette, which the bridegroom is expected to provide. + +The invited guests should provide their own conveyances, and neither the +bridegroom nor the bride's father are ever expected to do so. This +should be thoroughly understood by the guests in every case. + +The custom of having groomsmen to support the bridegroom is now very +general, as at royal weddings, a royal bridegroom being supported by +from four to six groomsmen. Two of the groomsmen usually act as ushers +and assist in seating the guests. + + +=The Best Man= should be a bachelor, although a married man could act in +this capacity. He should either accompany the bridegroom to the church +or meet him there. He should stand at his right hand during the +ceremony--a little in the rear--and should render him the trifling +service of handing him his hat at the close of it. + +He should sign the register afterwards in the vestry, and should pay the +fees to the clergyman and to the verger, on behalf of the bridegroom, +either before or after the ceremony, if the bridegroom does not pay them +on arrival. + +The bridegroom and best man should arrive at the church before the +bride, and await her coming, standing at the right-hand side of the +chancel gates. + + +=The Bride= should be driven to the church in her father's motor-car. If +she has a sister or sisters, and they officiate as bridesmaids, they, +with her mother, should precede her to the church. The motor-car should +then return to fetch the bride and her father; but when she has no +sisters, her father generally precedes her to the church, and receives +her at the church door, her mother accompanying her in the motor-car. + +The bridesmaids should arrive some little time before the bride, and +form a line on either side of the church porch, or within the church +doorway. The mother of the bride usually stands beside them. + +When the bride arrives she should take her father's right arm, or the +right arm of her eldest brother or nearest male relative, who is deputed +to give her away; he should meet her at the church door in the place of +her father, and conduct her to the chancel or altar. + +At choral weddings the clergy and choir head the bridal procession and +lead the way to the chancel, singing a hymn the while. + + +=The Bridesmaids= should follow the bride and her father up the nave of +the church. When the number of bridesmaids is even, four, six, eight, or +twelve; but when the number is odd, as five, seven, or nine, and three +of them happen to be children, which is generally the case, the elder +bridesmaids should walk "two and two," following next after the +children. + +At fashionable weddings one or two little boys act as pages, and +occasionally bear the bride's train. + +The head bridesmaid is generally the bride's eldest unmarried sister or +the bridegroom's sister, and she should follow next to the bride with +her companion bridesmaid, when children are not included in the group. + + +=The Bride's Mother= should follow next to the bridesmaids, and walk by +the side of her son, or other male relative, in following them up the +nave of the church. Ladies and gentlemen do not walk arm-in-arm at a +wedding, but side by side. + + +=The Bride's Immediate Relatives= and the near relatives of the +bridegroom should seat themselves in pews or chairs, according to the +church in which the service is celebrated. In some churches the service +takes place at the entrance of the chancel, and the bridal party enter +the chancel and stand at the altar to receive the address, and the +concluding portion of the service only is there celebrated. + + +=The Bridegroom's Relatives= should place themselves on entering at the +right of the nave, thus being on the bridegroom's right hand, and seat +themselves in pews. The relatives of the bride should place themselves +on entering at the left of the nave, thus being on the bride's left +hand, and seat themselves in pews or chairs. Large cards with the words +"For the Relatives of the Bridegroom," "For the Relatives of the Bride," +are frequently placed in the pews to indicate where they are to sit. + + +=The Bride= should stand at the bridegroom's left hand; the bride's +father, or nearest male relative, should stand at her left hand, in +order to give her away. + +The bridesmaids should stand immediately behind the bride in the order +in which they pass up the church. + +The bride should take off her gloves at the commencement of the service +and should give them with her bouquet to the head bridesmaid to hold. + +The invited guests should sit in the pews or chairs. + +Guests seldom take their prayer-books with them to the church to follow +the service therefrom. The hymns sung are usually printed on leaflets, +and placed in the pews or on the seats. + +The bridegroom generally wears a flower in his button-hole, as he does +not wear a wedding favour. + +The other gentlemen may, as a matter of course, wear button-hole +bouquets, if they please. + + +=When the Service is concluded=, the bride should take the bridegroom's +left arm, and, preceded by the officiating clergyman, and followed by +her head bridesmaids, father, mother, and the most distinguished of the +guests, should enter the vestry, where the register should be signed by +the bride and bridegroom, two or three of the nearest relatives, and by +two or three of the most intimate of the friends, and principal of the +guests, including the best man and the head bridesmaid. The bride's +father should sign it, but it is optional whether the bride's mother +does so or not. + +When the register has been signed, and those in the vestry have shaken +hands with the bride and offered their congratulations, the bride should +take the bridegroom's left arm and pass down the nave of the church +followed by her bridesmaids, in the same order as they have previously +passed up the nave. + +The bride and bridegroom usually leave the church without pausing to +shake hands with many of their friends present if a reception is to +follow. + +When the bride and bridegroom have driven off from the church, the +bride's mother should be the next to follow, that she may be at home to +receive the guests as they arrive. There is no precedence as to the +order in which the remainder of the company leave the church; it +entirely depends on the cleverness of their servants in getting up their +motor-cars. + + +=Button-hole Bouquets= of natural flowers have entirely superseded the +old-fashioned wedding favours for both ladies and gentlemen, and are +sometimes offered to the guests before they leave their seats at the +conclusion of the ceremony, but not invariably so. Button-hole bouquets +should be worn on the left side, by both ladies and gentlemen. + + +=A Bride who is a Widow= should not wear a bridal veil, nor a wreath of +orange-blossoms, nor orange-blossom on her dress. + +She should not be attended by bridesmaids, and wedding favours should +not be worn by the guests. + + +=How the Invitations to the Wedding Reception of a Widow= should be +issued depends upon individual circumstances. For instance, if a young +widow resides with her parents, the invitations should be issued in +their names as at her first marriage, and the form of invitation should +be similar, save that the words "Their daughter, Mrs. A., widow of Mr. +A." should be substituted for her christian name. If, as is very +frequently the case, a widow resides in her own house, or if the +marriage is to take place from an hotel, the invitations should be +issued in her own name, and the form should be "Mrs. Cecil A. requests +the pleasure (or the honour) of Mr. and Mrs. B.'s company at her +marriage with Mr. Henry C., at St. George's Church on Tuesday, December +30th, at 2.30 o'clock, and afterwards at Eaton Gardens, R.S.V.P." "The +presence of" instead of "the company of" may be put if preferred. + + +=It is understood that a Widow should not have Bridesmaids=, but it is +open to her to have the attendance of pages, if a wedding is to be a +fashionable and smart one, although many ladies do not avail themselves +of this privilege. The bridegroom should have a best man, as a matter of +course; he may be the bride's brother if desired (the idea that this is +not permitted is an erroneous one). A married man might be asked to act +in the capacity of best man, there being no bridesmaids to require his +attention, although this is seldom done, and a bachelor brother or +friend is preferred. + + +=A Widow may be given away= by her father, uncle, brother, or even by a +friend; indeed, it is more usual to have this support than not. At a +first marriage "to be given away" is imperative, at a second it is +optional; and if a widow at a quiet wedding prefers not to follow this +custom she can do so. + + +=Much Uncertainty exists as to whether a Widow should or should not +continue to wear her First Wedding Ring= when she marries a second time. +In point of fact there is no hard and fast rule with regard to it, and a +widow may continue or not continue to wear it, as she feels inclined. If +she has children, and has had some years of married life, she usually +retains it. If she is a young widow, she is likely to remove it, and +wear the second ring only; but when this is her intention, she should +not cease to wear it until she has arrived at the church, and has taken +off her gloves previous to the ceremony; but, take it all in all, it is +more usual to wear the two wedding rings than the second one only. + + +=Formerly, Widows considered it Imperative to be married in Widow's +Colours=, grey or mauve, and that white was forbidden wear; but it is no +longer so regarded, and a widow may and does wear white or cream on her +wedding-day--not exactly a maiden bridal dress, as a tinge of colour is +introduced. The larger number still regard pale grey or pale heliotrope +as more suitable on the occasion of a second marriage, and doubtless +this is so when a widow is not in her first youth. A widow may not, of +course, wear a bridal veil; she must wear a hat or toque, white or +coloured, as she pleases. She can have a bouquet, not of white flowers +only, but mauve or pink, or violets, according to choice. It is quite +permissible to have a full choral service, and for the church in which +the ceremony is performed to be decorated with plants and flowers, but +wedding favours should not be given to the guests at its conclusion. + + +=When a Widow has a reception the Newly Married Pair should receive +their Guests= standing together. The bride's mother, or near relative, +could assist them in receiving. If a luncheon is to be given, they +should lead the way to the dining-room, and sit at the head of the +table, side by side; but if a reception tea is given, the guests might +be sent in at the tea hour--that is to say, told that tea is going on, +and the bride and bridegroom could follow later should the numbers be +too great to admit of all going into the tea-room at the same time. + + +=It is quite in Order for a Widow to have a Wedding Cake=, but it should +not be decorated with orange blossoms or with white flowers, merely with +icing and ornamentations. The display of presents at the marriage of a +widow is, as a rule, a very restricted one. The bridegroom and the +bridegroom's family being the principal donors, the presents are seldom +exhibited. The exception is when a widow has made many new friends, and +has received wedding presents from them. Presents, when made to a widow +having a house of her own, are expected to be of substantial value, and +there is a general reluctance felt to offering her trifles, even if +expensive ones, such as a girl-bride would appreciate; not so a married +lady of social standing. + + +=On arriving at the House= where the wedding luncheon or reception is to +be held, the gentlemen should leave their hats in the hall. The ladies +should not remove their bonnets or hats at a wedding luncheon or +reception, neither should the bridesmaids do so. + +Gentlemen should take off their gloves at wedding luncheons, but it is +optional whether ladies do so or not. + +At receptions it is optional with both ladies and gentlemen whether they +take off their gloves or not. + +The guests who have not already had an opportunity of speaking to the +bride and bridegroom, on being ushered into the drawing-room, where the +company assembles, should shake hands with them, having first gone +through that ceremony with the host and hostess, if they have not +already done so. + +Previous to luncheon being announced the bride's father or mother should +tell the principal of the gentlemen present whom to take down to +luncheon. But this only applies to a sit-down luncheon. + +At standing-up luncheons the guests are not sent in in couples, but go +in as they please, even two or three ladies together, and little or no +precedency, bridal or otherwise, is followed as a general rule. + +The luncheon should be served in the dining-room, library, or large +marquee, as the case may be. + +The bride's mother and the bridegroom's mother should take precedence of +all other ladies present on the occasion of a wedding luncheon. + + +=At strictly Family Gatherings the Guests should go in to Luncheon in +the following order=:--The bride and bridegroom. The bride's father with +the bridegroom's mother. The bridegroom's father with the bride's +mother. The best man with the head bridesmaid. The remaining bridesmaids +with the gentlemen who are to take them in to luncheon. + +The rest of the company should follow in the wake of the bridesmaids. +The bride should take the bridegroom's left arm. + +Sitting-down luncheons and standing-up luncheons are equally +fashionable, although the latter are far more general, and little or no +bridal precedency is observed. When a standing-up luncheon is given, +small tables are arranged for the convenience of the bridal party on one +side of the room, while a long table occupies the centre of the room. + +When a sitting-down luncheon is given the bride and bridegroom should +sit either at the head of a long table or at the centre of it--the bride +at the bridegroom's left hand. The bride's father should sit next the +bride with the bridegroom's mother. When the bride and bridegroom sit +at the centre of the table the bridesmaids should sit opposite to them +with the gentlemen who have taken them in to luncheon; each sitting at a +gentleman's right hand. + +When the bride and bridegroom occupy the head of the table, the +bridesmaids, with the gentlemen who have taken them in to luncheon, +should place themselves next the parents on either side of the table, +dividing their number into two groups. + +When the bride's father is dead, her eldest brother or nearest male +relative should take his place and should take the bridegroom's mother +in to luncheon. + + +=A Wedding Breakfast= is now termed a luncheon, champagne and other +wines take the place of tea and coffee, which beverages are not served +until towards the end of the luncheon. At weddings which take place at +2.30 p.m., a luncheon is frequently given at 3, followed by a "tea" at +4. + + +=The Luncheon Menu= generally comprises soup, entrées both hot and cold; +chickens, game, mayonnaises, salads, jellies, creams, etc., etc., and +other dishes of a like character. + +The sweets should be placed on the table, fruit also. + +The entrées, etc., should be handed by the servants, the sweets should +also be taken off the table by the men-servants and handed round in +turn. + +At a standing-up luncheon the gentlemen should help the ladies and +themselves to the various dishes on the table, as dishes are not handed +at this description of luncheon; hot entrées and soup are not given. The +menu is in other respects similar. + +The tables should be decorated with flowers at either a standing-up or a +sitting-down luncheon. Bottles of champagne should be placed the length +of the table at a standing-up luncheon; if not, the gentlemen should ask +the servants in attendance for champagne for the ladies they have taken +down, and for themselves. At a sitting-down luncheon the servants offer +champagne to the guests in the same order in which they hand the dishes. + +When the sweets have been handed the bride should cut the wedding-cake. +This she does by merely making the first incision with a knife; it +should then be cut by the butler into small slices, and handed on +dessert plates to the guests. + + +=The Health of the Bride and Bridegroom= should then be proposed by the +most distinguished guest present, for which the bridegroom should return +thanks. He should then propose the health of the bridesmaids, for which +the best man should return thanks. + +Occasionally the gentleman of highest rank present also proposes this +health in place of the bridegroom. + +The health of the bride's father and mother should be proposed by the +bridegroom's father. + +It is now the custom to confine proposing healths at wedding luncheons +within the narrowest limits. The health of the bride and bridegroom, and +that of the bridesmaids being, in general, the only healths proposed. + +At standing-up luncheons and at wedding receptions, the health of the +bride and bridegroom only is proposed. + + +=The Bride should leave the Dining-room= immediately after the healths +have been drunk, to change her dress for departure. + +The head bridesmaid should accompany her, if related to her, and the +guests should adjourn to the drawing-room to await the bride's +reappearance, which should not be long delayed, and the adieus should +then be made. Leave-takings should not be prolonged more than is +absolutely necessary. + +The parents should follow the bride and bridegroom into the hall, and +adieus to them should there be made. + + +=The Old-fashioned Custom= of throwing satin slippers after the bride is +sometimes observed, foolish as it is. It is the best man's or the head +bridesmaid's privilege to perform this ridiculous act. + +When rice is thrown after a bride it should be scattered by the married +and not by the unmarried ladies present; but the custom, like that of +throwing the so-called "confetti," is now practically obsolete in good +society. + + +=Strewing the Bride's Path with Flowers= from the church to the carriage +by village children is a custom much followed at weddings which take +place in the country. + + +=The Honeymoon= now seldom lasts longer than a week or ten days. Many +brides prefer spending their honeymoon in their future home, if it +happens to be in the country, instead of making a hurried trip to Paris +or elsewhere, or to spending it at the country house of a friend, lent +to them for the purpose. But it is entirely a matter of individual +feeling which course is taken. + + +=The Bride's Trousseau= should be marked with the initials of the name +she is to take. + + +=The Bridegroom should provide= the house-linen and all other things +appertaining to the bride's new home. + + +=The Wedding Presents= should be dispatched to the bride's residence +immediately after the wedding, and they should at once be put into their +several places, and not arranged for the purpose of being shown to +visitors. + + +=The Bridal Wreath= should not be worn after the wedding-day. The bridal +wreath, the bridal bouquet, and the orange blossoms from the +wedding-cake, if treasured as mementos of the happy event, should be +preserved in the recesses of a locked drawer in the bride's chamber, and +not exhibited under glass shades in the drawing-room. + + +=Precedence= should not be accorded to a bride during the first three +months after marriage, although this old-fashioned custom is sometimes +followed at country dinner-parties on the occasion of a bride's first +visit. + + +=The Custom of sending Wedding Cake= to friends is an exploded one, and +only followed between near relations. + + +=Wedding Cards= are, strictly speaking, out of date, and only sent by +people who adhere to old-fashioned customs. + + +=The Words "No Cards"= should not be inserted when the announcement of a +marriage is sent to the newspapers; neither should the intimation be +added that the bride and bridegroom will be "at home" on certain days. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII + +WEDDING RECEPTIONS + + +=An Afternoon Wedding= usually takes place between 2 and 2.30 o'clock, +and the "reception" that follows is given from 2.30 to 5, on the return +from the church. + +When a wedding is a choral one the choir and clergy frequently head the +bridal procession. This is arranged with the vicar of the church where +the marriage is solemnised. + + +=Invitations= to wedding receptions are no longer issued on "at home" +cards, but are included in the invitations to the wedding ceremony +issued in printed notes. (See Chapter XVI.) + +The arrangements in the tea-room, and the refreshments given, should be +similar to those provided at large afternoon "at homes," with the +addition of wedding-cake and champagne. + + +=Ceremony= is, as far as possible, dispensed with as regards sending the +guests into the tea-room, and this is a great advantage gained over a +wedding luncheon, either a sitting-down or a standing-up one, when +people are doubtful as to the exact place belonging to each individual +relative. + +The bride and bridegroom either enter first, followed by the bridesmaids +and a few of the principal guests, or they follow later, as they prefer. +The remainder of the company should make their way downstairs as space +permits, for a wedding reception is a crowded affair, even in the +largest of mansions. Not only is every one invited who has given a +wedding present to either bride or bridegroom, within visiting distance, +but even others who are not intimate enough to be expected to do so. + +The guests should not make their way in the first instance to the +tea-room, but should proceed at once to the drawing-room and shake hands +with the host and hostess, and afterwards with the bride and bridegroom. +The bride and bridegroom should stand together within the drawing-room +and shake hands with all those with whom they are acquainted. The bride +and bridegroom should be the first to enter the tea-room. Flowers, as a +matter of course, are a great feature at wedding receptions. + +The tea and coffee should be served by the maid-servants, generally by +the lady's maids, but men-servants should also be in attendance to open +the champagne as required. Very little wine is drunk at this hour of the +day. Ladies seldom care for it, and gentlemen avoid it on principle. +Still, out of compliment to the bride, the relatives quaff a cup of +sparkling wine, although her health is seldom proposed or speeches of +any kind made. The bride should put the knife into the wedding-cake, and +the butler should cut it up and hand it to the guests. + +Seats should not be placed in the tea-room, and the tables should occupy +the top or side, or both the top and side, of the room, according to the +number of guests invited, so as to leave as much space as possible in +the centre of the room. + +The bride and bridegroom are not always present at a wedding tea, as the +departure for the proposed place of honeymoon does not in every case +admit of it, and the mother holds the "at home," and the guests inspect +the presents after the newly-married couple have left. + +An "at home" is sometimes given a few days previous to the wedding for +the inspection of the presents, if they are very numerous and beautiful; +but even when this is done they still form a centre of interest on the +afternoon of the wedding to the many guests. When jewellery and plate +to any great extent form a portion of the presents, it is sometimes +thought necessary to have a policeman on duty while the house is open to +so many comers, and when to effect an entrance under the pretext of +business would be an easy matter. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII + +WEDDING EXPENSES + + +=The Responsibilities of a Bridegroom= from a pecuniary point of view +commence from the moment of his engagement. He must at once present the +bride-elect with an engagement ring. A man of even moderate wealth finds +no difficulty in choosing and purchasing a handsome ring costing from +£50 to £100; but a poor man, possessing but a small income, is often put +to more expense than he can conveniently afford in the matter of an +engagement ring. He knows all the members of the bride's family will sit +in judgment upon it if it is but a modest gift worth about £10, which is +quite as much as he feels he is justified in spending; he knows that +both it and himself will be regarded as very mean, or as conveying a not +very inspiriting prospect of days to come. The engagement ring worn on +the bride's finger after marriage is a lasting memento, and if a poor +one she will not be proud of it--neither will he. Rich men take the +brides to choose engagement rings, expense being no object to them; but +poor men cannot do this, as the choice might fall on gems beyond their +means, therefore they make the choice themselves, according to the +position of the families they are about to enter. If the standing is +above their own, from a money point of view, the engagement rings have +to be chosen in accordance with the jewels worn by members of such +families, and a bridegroom would thus spend £40 at least on an +engagement ring suitable to a lady so placed. On the other hand, when +men with small incomes marry the daughters of parents of a similar +position to their own, the engagement rings given are not costly ones, +and a ten-pound note, or even less, would cover the cost of these +binding tokens. The wedding rings are within the means of all +bridegrooms, be they ever so poor. + + +=During the Engagement= the question of presents to the brides-elect is +never absent from the thoughts of their bridegrooms. The wealthy please +themselves and their brides by giving costly jewels, which are often +chosen by the brides themselves in company with their bridegrooms. This +is very delightful shopping, but it does not fall to the lot of the +great majority. Men of moderate means give presents of moderate value +and few in number; they are not bound by etiquette during their +engagements to give any jewellery if their incomes do not warrant this +outlay; but a man must have very little money to go upon if he cannot +contrive to give a bracelet or necklet or some such trinket to the girl +he is about to marry. + + +=To give Presents to the Bridesmaids= is another of the obligations of +bridegrooms. Here again, the wealthy exercise their generosity and good +taste with the concurrence of their brides, who assist them in the +choice of suitable presents in articles of jewellery. These average £5 +and upwards for each bridesmaid, which bring it to a good total when the +bridesmaids are numerous. The point that affects the generosity of +bridegrooms, however, is not how much they ought to spend on these +presents, but rather, how little may be spent upon them with due +consideration for the fitness of things, viz. the position of the +bridesmaids. Two sovereigns would be a reasonable sum for a man of small +means to spend on each gift to the bridesmaid. + + +=The Bridal Bouquet and the Bridesmaids' Bouquets= come next on the list +of expenses a bridegroom defrays. Rich men spend liberally in this +direction, but average sums to give to meet ordinary incomes are two +guineas to one guinea for a bride's bouquet, and five and twenty to +fifteen shillings each for the bridesmaids' bouquets. + + +=The Fees connected with the Ceremony= are strictly the province of the +bridegroom to defray. If a marriage is by licence, he pays the cost, +which in town amounts to £2 2_s._ 6_d._, and in the country from £2 +12_s._ 6_d._ to £3 3_s._ The fee to the vicar of the church where the +marriage is to be solemnised varies from £1 1_s._ to £5 5_s._, oftener +£1 1_s._ than not with the majority of bridegrooms with moderate +incomes, the exception being £5 5_s._ The minor fees are very trifling +that a bridegroom is expected to pay. He pays the organist for playing a +wedding march at the conclusion of the service, if it is not a choral +one; the bell-ringers look to him for their fee, as do the vergers, etc. +Thus a bridegroom pays for what is absolutely necessary at the marriage +ceremony only, and very little besides. + + +=When a Friend of the Bride or Bridegroom performs the Ceremony= or +assists at it a fee is not given to him by the bridegroom, but a present +of some kind is made to him, either in silver plate or by a small +cheque, as circumstances dictate, for railway expenses or otherwise. It +is usual for the bridegroom to do this unless the clergyman in question +is a relative of the bride, when a joint present is usually given by +bride and bridegroom. + + +=The Bride's Parents bear a Large Share of the Wedding Expenses=, +foremost of which is the bride's trousseau, the cost of this being +entirely dependent on position and income. The dinners and "at homes" +given before the marriage to introduce the bridegroom to the members of +the bride's family are given by the bride's parents. The wedding +reception is given by them, either at their own residence or at an +hotel. As concerns their share of the expenses connected with the +ceremony, it depends upon whether the wedding is to be a smart one or a +quiet one. If the former, the expenses that fall to them are somewhat +considerable; if the latter, they are almost nil. A choral service, for +instance, is paid for by the bride's parents, the organist, choirmaster, +and choir all being severally paid by them. If the hymns sung are +printed on leaflets this trifling expense also is included. All floral +decorations are paid for by the bride's parents, as is the hire of the +awning and the red felt at the church doors. When wedding favours or +button-holes are given it is by them also. + + +=For whom the Bride's Family are expected to provide Conveyances is +invariably a Misunderstood Detail.=--The bride's father has only to +provide carriages or cars to convey himself and bride to the church, and +for those members of his family residing under his roof, and for +visitors staying with him for the wedding. He is not required to provide +them for any other of the guests, save in the country, and then only for +those who arrive by train at a roadside station and cannot obtain +conveyances for themselves. In town the bridegroom has to provide the +motor-car to convey himself and bride from the church to her father's +house, and afterwards to the station. In the country the reverse is the +case, and the bride's father does this by lending one of his own +carriages or cars for the purpose. + + +=The Bridegroom is expected to provide the Furniture= and all household +effects for the new home, including plate and linen, which latter +naturally form very important items. Many of the bridal presents, +however are made to lighten these expenses, and consist of plate to a +great extent, and occasionally of linen also, from the members of the +bride's family; still, the rule in England is that the bridegroom should +provide it as part of the necessaries of the home, and the gift of it by +relatives is altogether optional. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX + +AFTERNOON "AT HOMES" + + +=Afternoon "At Homes"= are a great feature amongst the entertainments of +the day, large afternoon parties, and small afternoon parties; parties +so large that the number of guests equals those at a big crush or +evening reception, and so small that they might fairly come under the +denomination of afternoon teas. + +At afternoon "at homes," ladies are present in a considerable majority, +there being usually from about ten gentlemen to thirty ladies on an +average present at these gatherings. Ladies have a decided partiality +for this class of entertainment, as it affords an opportunity for +meeting their friends and acquaintances, or for making new +acquaintances, and for forming future plans and interchanging +civilities; and even in the height of the London season, afternoon "at +homes" are fully attended by the members of the fashionable world. + +There are various classes of afternoon "at homes": the large "at home" +of from fifty to two hundred guests, when usually professional vocal and +instrumental talent is engaged, and fairly good music given, although +the entertainment is not of sufficient importance to be termed a +concert; the "at home" of from fifty to a hundred guests when only +amateur talent is in requisition; and the small "at home" of from ten to +thirty people, when conversation usually takes the place of music, the +party being composed of friends rather than of acquaintances. + + +=Invitations to "At Homes"= should be issued in the name of the hostess +only, and not in the united names of the master and mistress of the +house. + +Invitations should be issued on "at home" cards, large and small, and +also on visiting cards. The name of the person invited should be written +at the top of the card at the right-hand corner, the words "at home" +being printed beneath the name of the lady issuing the invitation, and +the day and date beneath the words "at home," and the hour beneath the +date. Any amusement to be given should be added at the bottom of the +card at the left-hand corner. The address should be printed at the +right-hand corner at the bottom of the card. + +The letters R.S.V.P. are occasionally either written or printed on the +"at home" card, at the left-hand corner of the bottom of the card, but +it is not usual to write "R.S.V.P." in the corner of an afternoon "at +home" card, as it is immaterial how many guests are present at this +class of entertainment; but if an answer is so requested, an answer +should be sent. R.S.V.P. signifies "_répondez, s'il vous plaît_" or "an +answer is requested." + +It is customary to include the head of the family, either husband or +father, in the invitation. Thus, at the top of the card, at the +right-hand corner should be written "Mr. and Mrs. A.," or "Mr. and Miss +A." The daughters of the house should be included in the invitation sent +to their mother. Thus "Mr. and Mrs. A.," "The Misses A.," but the sons +of the house should be invited separately. + +When a family consists of a mother and daughters, the invitation should +be "Mrs. and the Misses A." + +The title of "Honourable" should not be put on an invitation card, but +only on the envelope containing the card. + +All other titles are recognised on invitation cards; but the letters +K.C.B., M.P., etc., should not be written on the cards, but only on the +envelopes in which they are enclosed. + +If a lady is aware that she will be unable to be present, it would be +polite to send her excuses, although strict etiquette does not demand +it; both the invitation and the answer can in all cases be sent by post. + +It is not now considered necessary to leave cards after afternoon "at +homes." + +Invitations to large afternoon "at homes" should be issued a fortnight +previous to the day, and to small "at homes" within a week or so of the +day. + + +=The Arrival of Guests.=--When invited guests arrive, they should not +inquire if the hostess is at home, but at once enter the house; and they +should be ushered at once into the tea-room. + +The gentlemen should leave their hats and overcoats in the hall. + +At large "at homes" a cloak-room should be provided, so that a lady +could remove a cloak or fur-cape, usually worn during the winter +weather; but at small "at homes" a cloak-room is not necessary, as the +reception-rooms are neither so crowded nor so warm, neither are the +ladies' toilettes so elaborate. + + +=Refreshments.=--At large "at homes" refreshments should be served in +the dining-room, on a long buffet at one end of the room, or on a long +table the length of the room. + +The lady's-maids and other maid-servants should stand behind the table +to pour out and hand the cups of tea or coffee across the table as asked +for. + +It is usual to have women-servants on these occasions to pour out the +tea, a man-servant or men-servants being also in attendance, in case +anything is required of them, although gentlemen usually help themselves +to claret-cup, wine, etc. + +The usual refreshments given at these "at homes" are tea and coffee, +the latter served from large silver urns. (See chapter "Preparing +Afternoon Tea," in the work entitled "Waiting at Table.") Sherry, +champagne-cup, claret-cup, ices, fruit, fancy biscuits and cakes, thin +bread-and-butter, potted game, sandwiches, etc. + +Ice plates are used for ices, dessert plates for fruit and fruit salads. + +At small "at homes" champagne, claret-cup, and ices are not given. The +tea should be made in teapots, instead of in urns, at both large and +small "at homes." + +At small "at homes" the tea is usually served in the smaller of the two +drawing-rooms, or in an adjoining boudoir or ante-room. The tea is then +poured out by the young ladies of the house, or by the hostess herself, +but seldom by maid-servants when served in the drawing-room. + +The most convenient manner, however, of serving tea is to serve it in +the dining-room, unless the number of guests is limited, when it would +appear unsociable if they were to congregate in the dining-room, leaving +the hostess comparatively alone in the drawing-room. + +When tea is served in the dining-room, the guests are usually asked by +the servant in attendance if they will have tea before being ushered +into the drawing-room. + +At small teas, the cups of tea should be handed to the ladies by the +gentlemen present, or by the young lady officiating at the tea-table, +and gentlemen generally stand about the room, or near the tea-table, at +small "at homes." + + +=Receiving Guests.=--The servant should precede the guests to the +drawing-room as in "morning calls." + +At large "at homes" the hostess should receive her guests at the +drawing-room door, and shake hands with each on arrival. The +drawing-room door should remain open, and she should stand within the +doorway. + +At small teas, the drawing-room door should not remain open, and the +hostess should receive her guests within the room, as at "morning +calls." + +The guests should arrive from a quarter-past four until half-past five +or six o'clock. The guests are not expected to remain the whole three +hours specified, and are at liberty to remain as long or as short a time +as they please. The earliest arrivals are generally the first to leave. + +When the hostess judges it expedient to do so, she introduces one or two +of the ladies to each other, either in a formal manner (see Chapter +II.), or in a semi-formal manner, by saying, "Mrs. A., I don't think you +know Mrs. B."; but she should not say this unless quite certain that +Mrs. B. desires the acquaintance of Mrs. A., or that Mrs. A. has no +objection to knowing Mrs. B.[5] + +It is rather the exception than the rule to make general introductions +on these occasions. Introductions should only be made when the hostess +is aware that the persons introduced would be likely to appreciate each +other, or for any reason of equal weight. + +The guests should go to the tea-room with any gentlemen of their +acquaintance present, or in the case of ladies with each other, if they +have not done so on arrival. + +This move to the tea-room is usually made in the intervals between +music, recitations, etc. + +Occasionally, the hostess introduces one or two of the gentlemen present +to the ladies of highest rank for the purpose of sending them into the +tea-room. + +A lady should place her empty cup on any table near at hand, unless a +gentleman offers to put it down for her. It is optional whether a lady +removes her gloves or not, and many prefer not to do so. + +At large "at homes," the hostess remains at her post the whole of the +time, and hardly ever sits down. At small "at homes," she should move +amongst her guests, conversing with them all more or less. When there +are daughters, they should assist their mother in entertaining the +guests. + +When ladies are acquainted, they should take an opportunity of speaking +to each other. It is usual for ladies to move about the rooms at +afternoon "at homes" to speak to their various friends and +acquaintances; and they are by no means obliged to remain seated in one +spot unless desirous of doing so. + +When music is given at afternoon "at homes," it is usual to listen to +the performance, or at least to appear to do so; and if conversation is +carried on, it should be in a low tone, so as not to disturb or annoy +the performers. + +It is not necessary to take leave of the hostess at afternoon "at +homes," unless she is standing near the drawing-room door when the guest +is passing out, or unless she is a new acquaintance, and the visit a +first one at her house, when it would be polite to do so. + +When it is late, and but a few guests still remain, these few should +make their adieus to the hostess. + +At these afternoon teas or "at homes," the hostess should not ring to +order the door to be opened for the departing guest or for her motor-car +to be called, as at "morning calls." The guests make their way to the +hall, and the servants in attendance call up the motor-cars as they are +asked for. + +Motor-cars should always be kept in waiting at afternoon "at homes," as +ladies are sometimes unable to remain longer than a quarter of an hour. + +The guests either remain in the hall or in the dining-room until they +hear their motor-cars are announced. + + +=Gratuities= should never be offered to servants at these +entertainments, or, in fact, at any entertainment whatever. + + +=Afternoon Concerts.=--When afternoon concerts are given, invitations +should be issued on the usual "at home" cards, which can be purchased +with the words "at home," etc., already printed, or they are printed to +order, with the name and address of the hostess. The name of the person +invited should be written above the name of the hostess at the +right-hand corner of the card. + +The date under the line "at home" should be in the centre of the card +beneath the name of the hostess; the hour should be written at the +left-hand corner, and the letters R.S.V.P. The printed address should be +at the right-hand corner. + +The names of the performers should be added at the bottom of the card at +the right-hand corner. + +The hour usually fixed for a concert is 3 o'clock. + +The hostess should receive her guests at the drawing-room door, when +they should at once seat themselves. The seats should be arranged in +rows down the centre of the room, and sofas and settees should be placed +around the room. + +The programme of a concert is divided into two parts, and at the +conclusion of the first part the guests should repair to the dining-room +for refreshments, which are served as at large "at homes." + + +=Afternoon Dances.=--Invitations to afternoon dances should be issued on +"at home" cards in the manner already described. "Dancing" should be +printed in the corner of cards, and the hour of "4 to 7" o'clock +substituted for that of "3" o'clock. The words "afternoon dance" should +not be written on an invitation card, and there is no other received +form of invitation for afternoon dances than the one already given. + +Afternoon dances are very popular at watering-places, military stations, +small towns in the vicinity of London, etc., but are seldom given in +London itself. + +Refreshments should be served during the whole of the afternoon, from 4 +to 7, as at large "at homes." + +The ladies should remove their jackets or wraps in the cloak-room, but +retain their hats or bonnets; the hostess should receive her guests at +the drawing-room door, as at an afternoon "at home." + + +=Bridge Teas= occupy an important place in social life. They are a +convenient form of entertainment, as they allow of a small number of +guests being invited, even as few as eight persons being considered a +reasonable number of players to invite, while twenty-four is distinctly +an outside one. The average number is in most instances sixteen, all +told. + +The play usually commences at 3.30, sometimes earlier, and continues +until 7.30, allowing an interval for "tea" at 4.30. + +The invitations to these informal gatherings are either issued in +friendly notes or on visiting cards. If on the latter, the words "at +home," day, and date are written under the name of the hostess, while +"Bridge, 3.30," or "3 o'clock" is put in the corner of the cards +opposite the address. + +The hostess arranges beforehand the places the guests are to occupy at +the different tables; this is done that the good players may play +together. When all have arrived, the hostess tells her guests where to +sit, and is herself one of the players. On taking their seats they cut +for partners. She does not invite guests to look on, as it would +necessitate her not playing, but talking to them while they remain; +besides conversation is discouraged, as it distracts the attention of +the players from the game. + +The ladies retain their hats, but remove their coats, furs, etc., on +arrival. + + +FOOTNOTES: + +[5] See chapter "Conversing with New Acquaintances," in the work +entitled "The Art of Conversing." + + + + +CHAPTER XX + +"AT HOME" DAYS + + +=An "At Home"= day signifies that a lady is at home to her friends and +acquaintances on one particular day in the week. She should intimate +this fact by printing upon her visiting cards the days on which she is +at home. Thus: "Thursdays in March," or "Thursdays in March and April," +or any day of the week she thinks proper to name. These cards she should +leave in person on those who are not at home when she calls, or they can +be sent by post. Those she finds at home she should inform that her "at +home" day is "Thursday." She should not leave her visiting card in this +case, only two of her husband's cards, and the "at home" day should not +be written upon them. + +On the "at home" day, calls should be made from three to six, or from +four to six. The first comers should leave before the afternoon tea hour +and should limit their call according to the degree of intimacy +existing, remaining from a quarter of an hour to an hour, as the case +may be. + + +=A Hostess or her Daughter should pour out the Tea= on these "at home" +days when tea is not served in the dining-room as at "at homes," which +should be done when the number of visitors is very considerable. + +The popularity of a hostess is tested on these "at home" days by the +number of visitors who call during the afternoon, and when "at home" +days are not a success, socially speaking, she should discontinue them +after a certain time, and should substitute an occasional "at home." + +It depends not a little on the social standing of the lady who has an +"at home" day and upon the locality in which she lives, as to whether +the "at home" day is a failure or the reverse. In the outlying districts +of town it has its advantages, when to make a call amounts to almost a +journey, and when acquaintances are few in the immediate neighbourhood. +Again, it has its advantages when ladies are much occupied during the +week, and when their time is given up to an engrossing occupation, +charitable or artistic, at home or away from home, literary or +scientific, at studios, museums and public institutions, etc., work +undertaken for their own amusement, profit, or advancement, or for the +benefit of others. To these ladies an "at home" day is a convenience. +One day in the week is all they can allow themselves apart from their +important engagements, and to them quiet privacy and leisure are +indispensable. Fashionable ladies consider an "at home" day to be a +great tax upon their time and inclinations. Their engagements are too +numerous to admit of giving up one whole afternoon in every week on the +chance of people calling. Not only long-standing but impromptu +engagements preclude this sacrifice. It would be a breach of politeness +not to be at home to callers on an "at home" day, and many things might +occur to necessitate absence from home on that particular afternoon. If, +however, absence is unavoidable, a relative might take the place of the +hostess on the "at home" day in question. + +The people who thoroughly enjoy "at home" days are those who have more +time on their hands than they know what to do with. The few calls they +have to make are soon made, the few friends they have to see are soon +seen, occupation they have none, and they are grateful for the +opportunity "at home" days offer of meeting their friends and finding a +hostess at home. + + + + +CHAPTER XXI + +COLONIAL ETIQUETTE + + +Generally speaking, etiquette is followed in the colonies and in India +by English men and women very much as in the mother country as regards +its principles, rules, and observances. One marked difference occurs in +the hours of calling, it is true, they being regulated by climate. In +hot climates, the early morning hours, before noon, and late evening +hours, after sunset, are, according to the fashion of the place, the +chosen hours for calling; but in more temperate climes--resembling our +own--the afternoon hours are, as with us, the hours for calling. Again, +the rule that residents should call upon new-comers, whether they be +visitors of other residents or intending residents, holds equally good +both in civilian and military circles alike. + +In all colonies and dependencies "Government House" is the centre to +which all society gravitates--that is to say, that all new-comers, +whether they are to become permanent or temporary residents, providing +their social position warrants the action, hasten to make known their +arrival by writing their names and addresses in the visitors' book kept +at each Government House for the purpose. The object of doing this is to +be received at Government House, and thus to obtain an entrance into the +society of the place. What follows upon this social observance--it +hardly merits the name of civility, such calls being actuated by +self-interest in the first instance--depends upon a variety of +circumstances, the position of the caller, and whether the stay is to be +permanent or temporary, whether introductions are brought or not, and so +on. The invitations extended to them are regulated accordingly. They may +be limited to afternoon "at homes"; or receptions, dinners, and dances +may be included; or a visit to the summer residence of the Governor and +his wife may also be reckoned amongst invitations, as this latter is not +an unusual display of hospitality accorded to certain individuals. + + +=How the Governor of a Colony should be addressed= by his guests depends +upon his rank. As he represents the sovereign, it would be quite correct +to address him as "Sir," as being the most deferential mode, and +Governors as a body rather like to be thus addressed. In the case of a +Governor being a knight--a very usual contingency--it would be equally +correct to address him as "Sir George," and not as "Sir." When a +Governor has not received knighthood, he should be addressed as "Mr. +A----," when it is not desired to be too stiff and formal. + +In conversation, when referring to the Governor--he being present--it +should not be "The Governor," but "Lord Blank," "Sir George," or "Mr. +A---- said so and so," unless strangers are present, before whom it +would seem right to be a little formal. + +In addressing a Governor by letter, the envelope should be directed to +"His Excellency Sir George Blank," however friendly its contents may be; +but when writing to a Governor's wife, it has not been thought right to +style her "Her Excellency," but simply "Lady Blank," unless in the case +of a Viceroy's wife, as in India or Ireland; but as against this the +point was raised some years ago, and it was then decided that the wives +of Governors were entitled to be so addressed. + +Colloquially, the members of a Governor's suite refer to both the +Governor and his wife as "His" and "Her Excellency," and style them +"Your Excellency," and all who approach them officially, being of +inferior rank, do likewise; but socially they are seldom so addressed. + + +=A Colonial Bishop= should not actually be styled "My Lord," or referred +to as "The Lord Bishop," if it is desired to be quite correct; but "My +Lord" or "The Lord Bishop" is now often used by persons who know it is +not the proper style of address, but make use of these titles, wishing +to be more deferential than scrupulously correct. In writing to a +colonial bishop, the envelope should be addressed to "The Right Rev. the +Bishop of ----," and the letter commenced "Right Rev. Sir" or "Dear +Bishop Blank." + +A colonial officer who has received the King's special permission to +retain the title of "Honourable" which he bore in his colony, is +accorded at Court, _i.e._ at a levée, Court ball, etc., the same +precedence as a peer's son, who is styled "Honourable," but this does +not practically give him any rank or precedence at ordinary social +gatherings, where that special grant is unknown or ignored. Also the +privilege confers no rank or precedence upon the wife or daughters of a +colonial Honourable, just as the wife of a Right Honourable here has no +special precedence. + +The title of Honourable cannot continue to be borne by a retired +colonial officer or Legislative Councillor unless it has been specially +authorised by the sovereign on the recommendation of the Secretary of +State for the Colonies. + + + + +CHAPTER XXII + +INDIAN ETIQUETTE + + +It is the custom that those who wish to be invited to Government House +(Viceregal House) at Simla, or elsewhere, should, immediately on +arrival, write their names in the visitors' book kept for that purpose, +and they are sure, if in general society, to be asked to one or more of +the receptions held during the season. They are introduced to the +Vice-Queen--as the wife of the Viceroy is termed--by one of the +_aides-de-camp_ in waiting. + +When a lady is the wife of a Government official, it gives her a +position in society in India which perhaps she would not otherwise have, +and is in itself a passport to most functions. Official rank is +everything in India. + + +=As regards attending the Viceregal Drawing-rooms=, they are only held +in Calcutta and in the evening. If a lady has been presented at a Court +in England, she can attend a Drawing-room in Calcutta; but, if she has +not been presented at home, she must be introduced by some other lady +who has been presented at the Viceregal Court. + +In writing unofficially to the Governor-General of India, it would not +be correct to use the title of "Viceroy," and the proper superscription +is "His Excellency The Right Hon."; or, if a Duke, "His Excellency The +Duke of ----"; or, if a Marquis, "His Excellency The Most Honble. +Marquis of ----," etc. + +To the wife of a Viceroy the address should be "Her Excellency the +Duchess of ----," "Her Excellency The Marchioness of ----," "Her +Excellency The Countess of ----"; or "Her Excellency The Lady Blank," if +the wife of a Baron. + +When addressing a Viceroy or Vice-Queen colloquially or unofficially, +"Your Excellency" should not be used in either case. The title only in +both instances should be employed. + +On being introduced to either of their Excellencies, it would be correct +to curtsy. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII + +GARDEN-PARTIES + + +Garden-parties are entertainments that are annually given. If the +weather is fine, the more enjoyable it is for the guests; if wet, a +garden-party resolves itself into a large "at home." In almost every +county a series of garden-parties is held by the principal ladies of +their respective neighbourhoods during August and September, nothing but +absence from home, illness, or some equally good reason being considered +sufficient excuse for the non-fulfilment of this social duty. + +The county at large expects to be invited at least once a year to roam +about in the beautiful park of the lord of the manor, to row on the +lake, to play lawn-tennis on the lawn, to wander through the winding +paths of the shady, leafy shrubberies, to admire the brilliant hues of +the geraniums bedded out on parterre and terrace, or the variegated +asters, or the late Gloire-de-Dijon roses, which at the end of August +are in their fullest beauty. Then there are the conservatories through +which to saunter, and from which to beat a retreat, if the sun is too +powerful, into the mansion itself, the reception-rooms being generally +thrown open on the occasion of a garden-party. + +A garden-party is an occasion for offering hospitality to a wide range +of guests--people whom it would not be convenient to entertain save at +this description of gathering. Invitations are on these occasions freely +accorded to ladies, from the energetic lady of eighty to the little lady +of eight. + +One great advantage offered by a garden-party is that it is immaterial +to what extent ladies are in the majority, and it is a reproach to a +county rather than to a hostess if the muster of guests is eighty ladies +against twenty gentlemen. + + +=Invitations to a Garden-party= should be issued in the name of the +hostess, and within three weeks to a week of the date fixed. "At home" +cards should be used for this purpose, and the words "and party" should +be invariably added after the names of the invited guests. + +"Croquet" or "Tennis" should be printed in one corner of the card, the +hour, 3 to 7 o'clock, above, the day and the date beneath the name of +hostess. "Weather permitting" is seldom written upon the card, and the +guests are expected to arrive even though the afternoon should be +showery and overcast, and only a thoroughly wet afternoon, with no break +between the showers, should prevent their appearing. In the country, +ladies think little of a drive of ten miles to attend a garden-party. + + +=Arrangements for Garden-Parties.=--Garden-parties or croquet-parties +are given on different scales of expenditure, and the preparations are +regulated accordingly. + +When a garden-party is given on a small scale, and the preparations are +comparatively few, refreshments should be served in the house. (For the +usual refreshments provided, and for the general arrangements, see work +entitled "Waiting at Table," p. 82.) + +A good supply of garden-chairs and seats should be placed on the lawn +and about the grounds, rugs spread on the grass for those who sit out, +and several sets of croquet provided for players. + +At large garden-parties a band is considered a necessary adjunct, and +the band of the regiment quartered in the vicinity is usually available +for these occasions. + +A band gives _éclat_ to an out-door gathering and confers local +importance upon it. Apart from this, the strains of a band enliven an +entertainment of this description in no little degree. The place where +the band is stationed is a rallying-point for the company, and the +expense and trouble consequent upon engaging a band are repaid by the +amusement it affords. + +The matter of engaging a military band is generally undertaken by the +master of the house, rather than by the mistress, as, in the first +place, the consent of the colonel of the regiment has to be obtained as +a matter of form and courtesy before the arrangements are completed with +the bandmaster. + +Conveyance for the band has also to be provided and discussed with the +bandmaster, and also refreshments for the bandsmen; and these details +are more effectually carried out by a host than by a hostess. + +Occasionally a large marquee is erected in which to serve refreshments, +but more frequently the refreshments for the general company are served +in the house, and only cool drinks dispensed in a tent to the cricketers +or lawn-tennis players. + + +=Cricket-matches= are often the _raison d'être_ of a garden-party, +rendering it popular with both ladies and gentlemen. The cricket-match +in this case generally takes place in a field near to the grounds of the +mansion, the match commencing about twelve o'clock, and the general +company arriving about half-past three, or punctually at four, to +witness the finish. + +Golf now ranks first amongst fashionable out-door amusements with both +sexes. Private links are comparatively few, but club links exist in +almost every neighbourhood--ladies' clubs, men's clubs, and clubs for +both ladies and gentlemen. + +Croquet or tennis tournaments are frequently the occasion of giving +garden-parties, and some very exciting play takes place. + +When a tournament is held it takes the form of a garden-party; it +usually lasts two days. The arrangements made for holding it depend upon +circumstances, and it takes place, as do archery-matches, in either +private or public grounds. + + +=Amusements.=--When a number of children are expected at a garden-party, +performances of marionettes, or Punch-and-Judy, or conjuring are given +for their amusement. + +In districts remote from town, these shows are difficult to obtain; +therefore amateur showmen come bravely to the rescue, and their kindly +efforts to divert the juveniles meet with due appreciation on all sides. + +Not seldom a little amateur music is given at a garden-party--not a +pre-arranged programme of music, but impromptu performances. These +good-natured efforts to enliven the company occupy about an hour, and +such performances take place in either the drawing-room or music-room of +the mansion. + +Garden-parties seldom terminate with a dance, though occasionally +dancing closes the afternoon's amusements. + +The time occupied by croquet or tennis precludes all desire on the part +of the players for further exertion in the shape of dancing, and young +people apparently prefer playing croquet from 3 to 7 on the lawn to +dancing in a marquee or in the drawing-room at that hour. + +A host and hostess receive their guests at a garden-party on the lawn; +strangers should be introduced to the hostess by those who have +undertaken to bring them to her house, and she should shake hands with +all comers. It is also usual for guests to shake hands with the hostess +on departure, if opportunity offers for so doing. + +Garden-parties commence from 3.30 to 4 o'clock, and terminate at 7 +o'clock. + +In making preparations for a garden-party, stabling for the +carriage-horses and motor-cars of the numerous guests should be taken +into consideration, and refreshments provided for the men-servants and +chauffeurs. + +Public afternoon concerts, bazaars, and flower-shows are essentially +functions frequented by ladies _en masse_, and it is the exception, +rather than the rule, for gentlemen to accompany them; again, at private +afternoon gatherings, ladies usually appear unaccompanied by gentlemen. + +When a garden-party is a very large function, it is not unusual to put +the words "garden-party" on the invitation cards in place of the words +"at home"; thus: "The Countess of A---- requests the pleasure of Mr. and +Mrs. B----'s company at a garden-party on ----," etc. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV + +TOWN GARDEN-PARTIES + + +The first garden-parties in town are usually given early in June, and +continue during this and the ensuing month. The garden-parties at +Lambeth Palace and Fulham Palace are the pioneers of the garden-party +season, and the lead is followed by general society with more or less +alacrity. + +Town garden-parties resolve themselves into large receptions held +out-of-doors, and those who know what crowded drawing-rooms imply in the +sultry days of June are particularly glad of this change of _locale_, +and willingly spend an hour or more at one of these out-of-door +_reunions_, instead of thinking a quarter of an hour's stay all too long +within doors, where it is a case of heat _versus_ draught, and difficult +to determine where it is the most objectionable, in the drawing-room, +tea-room, or on a staircase. Although these functions are designated +"garden-parties," yet the real style and title is "at homes," the +address being sufficient indication to the invited guests as to the +description of entertainment to be given, as the spacious gardens and +lawns in and around London where these annual parties are held are well +known to society at large. A band playing in the grounds where the +garden-party is given would appear to be a _sine quâ non_, but the +excellence of the same is merely a question of expense. Thus guests have +the pleasure of listening to the strains of splendid bands, and also the +disappointment of hearing others far below the average. + +As this fickle climate of ours is not to be counted upon for twenty-four +hours at a stretch to remain fine, it is seldom considered advisable to +have the whole of the refreshment tables out-of-doors, and thus only +ices, strawberries and cream, and ice cups are served out-of-doors; tea, +coffee, and the rest, with ices, strawberries and cream, being +invariably served within doors. + + +=Refreshment tables out-of-doors= considerably take off the strain from +the tables in the tea-rooms, especially during the first half-hour, when +the great rush is made in this direction. Again, should heavy rain set +in, the servants can easily remove pails of ice and bowls of +strawberries and cream out of harm's way. Even a large tent or marquee +is not considered altogether desirable for refreshments, as under a +burning sun the air within becomes over-heated and oppressive, while in +the case of a downpour the results are almost disastrous. + +The popularity of garden-parties is incontestible in propitious weather. +A variety of reasons conduce to this; for one thing, movement is so +pleasant an exchange from the almost stationary position guests are +compelled to take up in a crowded drawing-room. Again, the number of +guests invited is so much greater than to an "at home," that the chance +of meeting a corresponding number of friends and acquaintances is +trebled; or, on the other hand, if but a few friends should be present +among the guests, yet the situation does not amount to isolation and +boredom; and the alternative of sitting under a shady tree or sauntering +about on the lawns listening to the strains of the band, is positive +enjoyment in comparison to sitting in the corner of a drawing-room +barricaded by a phalanx of ladies, or standing wedged in the midst of +the same. It is small wonder, therefore, that invitations to these +out-door functions are hailed with satisfaction and pleasure. + + +=Arrivals at a garden-party= are made almost simultaneously, or if not +quite this, they follow in rapid succession, so that host and hostess +have a short interval between arrivals and departures; and this offers +an opportunity to give more than a shake of the hand to many of the +guests, _i.e._ a little friendly conversation; while at an "at home" the +hostess has to be at her post from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m., as guests arrive +continuously, even close up to the hour named for departure. + +The host is expected to be present at a garden-party, and almost always +is so; but his presence at his wife's "at home" is left a little +doubtful, and his absence is often accounted for on the ground of its +being unavoidable; but the trivial reasons that many men advance to +their wives for their non-appearance prove how glad they are to escape +from the ordeal on any terms. A man in the open air is at his best, and +therefore a garden-party appeals to a host almost as much as it does to +a guest. + +Although the words "at home" are in general use when issuing invitations +to these functions, yet occasionally the words "garden-party" are +substituted in lieu of them on the "at home" cards, when the gatherings +are unusually large; thus: "Viscountess B---- requests the pleasure of +Mr. and Mrs. G----'s company at a garden-party on ----," etc. + + + + +CHAPTER XXV + +EVENING GARDEN-PARTIES + + +=The Garden-Party Season= has been widened out by the introduction of +"Evening Garden-Parties" into the list of country festivities, and this +form of entertainment has found great favour with all. + +Invitations are issued on the usual "at home" cards, the hours from 9 to +12 p.m. Occasionally "dancing" is printed on the cards, but not often, +as it is not usual to combine an evening garden-party with a dance, +except when only young girls and young men are invited. + +Some little perplexity is felt by the recipients of evening garden-party +invitations as to the style of dress that should be worn. Should ladies +wear morning dress or evening dress? Men are equally in doubt on this +point. Ought they to wear evening dress or not? Although this is not +stated on the invitation cards, yet it is tacitly understood that ladies +are expected to appear in the usual garden-party attire--smart, pretty +dresses and hats or bonnets, and small fashionable wraps carried in +place of sunshades in the event of the evening air proving somewhat +chilly. Evening dress, when worn at one of these "at homes," looks +particularly out of place. The thin evening shoes, which must of +necessity be worn with this style of dress, suit neither dewy grass nor +stony gravel; and although at the evening concerts at the Botanic +Gardens many ladies wear "evening dress" with smart evening cloaks, this +is beside the question. They go for a short half-hour or so, not for a +three hours' stay. Anyhow, at evening garden-parties, the rule is not to +wear evening dress as far as ladies are concerned. Men, on the other +hand, one and all, are expected to do so, morning dress being looked +upon as out of place on these occasions. A light overcoat is inseparable +from evening dress, therefore it is not considered risky wear for men +even on the chilliest of summer evenings. + + +=As to the arrangements= for one of these evening garden-parties. It is +usual to have tea and coffee, and light refreshments during the whole of +the evening, from arrival to departure, and to give a light supper a +little before twelve o'clock. The gardens and grounds are illuminated +with coloured lamps and lanterns, extensively or moderately, as the case +may be. A band is considered indispensable, but a good one does not seem +to be equally imperative, to judge from the indifferent performances of +various bands heard on these summer evenings. However, country audiences +are not too critical, knowing that to engage a good band from a distance +entails considerable expense, and that evening garden-parties would be +singularly few if superior music was insisted upon. Thus the local band +is encouraged to do its best, and to allow long intervals to elapse +between each selection. + +In the case of an evening turning out decidedly wet, guests invited from +a distance seldom put in an appearance, while the nearer neighbours do +so, and the evening garden-party becomes an evening reception within +doors, shorn of its numbers, it is true, but a pleasant gathering, +nevertheless, especially with those who know how to make the best of a +_contretemps_ caused by unpropitious weather. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI + +LUNCHEONS + + +=Invitations to Luncheon= are very much the order of the day in +fashionable society. Those who look back some few years remark the +importance now accorded to this mid-day meal, and contrast it with the +past. The lateness of the dinner-hour in a measure accounts for the +position now taken by luncheon in the day's programme, joined to the +fact that it offers another opportunity for social gatherings; and as +the prevailing idea seems to be to crowd into one day as much amusement +and variety and change as possible, invitations to luncheon have become +one of the features of social life. + + +=Invitations to Public Luncheons= are not now confined to the +celebration of local and civic events, but take a far wider range, and +are given on every available opportunity when the occasion can be made +to serve for assembling a large party of ladies and gentlemen. Luncheon +is by some considered to be rather a lady's meal than not, although in +reality invitations are given as frequently to the one sex as to the +other. Yet the predominance of ladies at luncheon is due to the fact +that the majority of gentlemen are too much occupied at this hour to be +at liberty to accept invitations to luncheon, while others, more idle, +breakfast at so late an hour that to them a two o'clock luncheon is a +farce as far as eating is concerned. Outside of those who are busy men +and those who are idle men, and consequently late risers, there is +another semi-occupied class of men who are always amenable to an +invitation to luncheon. + +This institution of luncheon is invaluable to people who have many +friends, acquaintances, and relations to entertain, as invitations to +this meal are given for every day in the week, with or without ceremony, +with long notice or short notice, or on the spur of the moment. + +Ladies enjoy the society of their hostess at luncheon far more than at a +dinner-party. At the former meal she makes general conversation with her +guests on both sides of the table; at the latter she is monopolised by +her immediate neighbours, by the gentleman who takes her down to dinner, +and by the one who sits at her right hand, while she leaves her guests +to be entertained by the gentlemen who take them in to dinner. At +luncheon things are different; there is no going in to luncheon, +conventionally speaking, save on official and public occasions. + +Luncheon occupies a prominent place in the round of hospitalities. +Invitations to luncheon are not formally issued on invitation cards, +unless some especial reason exists for giving a large luncheon-party, in +which case it takes rank as an entertainment. + +Large luncheon-parties are given on occasions such as lawn-tennis +tournaments and lawn-tennis parties, archery-parties, cricket-matches +and bazaars, etc. + +Semi-official luncheons are given on the occasion of laying the +foundation-stone of a church or public building, etc. This class of +luncheon is beside the question, as it is rather a banquet than a +luncheon, for which printed cards of invitation are issued. + +In general society invitations to luncheon are issued by written notes +or are verbally given according to circumstances. + + +=Invitations to Luncheon.=--A week's notice is the longest usually +given, very little notice being considered requisite. + +Many hostesses give their friends _carte blanche_ invitations to +luncheon; but ladies as a rule seldom avail themselves of this _façon de +parler_, as they consider it, and prefer to await a more direct form of +invitation. Gentlemen, on the contrary, are expected to avail themselves +of this proffered hospitality without ceremony, as the presence of a +gentleman visitor at luncheon is considered an acquisition, the reason, +perhaps, being that ladies are usually in the majority at luncheon, and +also that the unexpected arrival of one or two ladies would call for a +greater amount of attention on the part of a hostess seated at luncheon +than would the unexpected arrival of gentlemen, ladies requiring +especial attention to be shown to them in the matter of a place at +table, etc., while gentlemen are ready to offer attention instead of +requiring it, and to take any place at table, whether convenient or +otherwise. + +As a rule, the number of ladies present at luncheon greatly exceeds the +number of gentlemen present, unless at a luncheon-party, when a hostess +usually endeavours to equalise the numbers as far as possible; but it is +not imperative for her to do this, and it is immaterial whether there +are as many gentlemen as ladies present at luncheon or not. + +Luncheon is a very useful institution to a mistress of a house, as it +enables her to show a considerable amount of civility to her friends and +acquaintances. + +She can invite to luncheon those it might not, for various reasons, be +convenient to invite to dinner; as for instance, young ladies, single +ladies, elderly ladies, ladies coming to town, or into the neighbourhood +for a few days only, and so on. + +The usual rule in houses where there are children old enough to do so, +is for the children to dine at luncheon with their governess, whether +there are guests present or not. + + +=In Town the Usual Hour for Luncheon= is 1.30 to 2 o'clock; in the +country it is generally half an hour earlier. The guests are expected to +arrive within ten minutes of the hour named in the invitation, as +although punctuality is not imperative, it is very desirable. + +A guest, on his or her arrival at a house, should not, if previously +invited, inquire if the mistress of the house is at home, but should +say, on the servant opening the door, "Mrs. A. expects me to luncheon." + +When the guests are self-invited, they should inquire if the mistress of +the house is at home. + +Guests are conducted to the drawing-room before luncheon. The servant +precedes them, as at morning calls. + +When guests arrive after the hour named for luncheon, they should be at +once ushered into the dining-room, and their names announced. + +When the guests are unacquainted with each other, the hostess should +make a sort of general introduction or introductions; that is to say, +she should introduce one gentleman to two or three ladies, thus, "Mr. +A., Mrs. B., Mrs. C., and Miss D.," making but one introduction in place +of three separate introductions, this being the less formal mode of +making unimportant introductions. + +It is not always possible for a host to be present at luncheon, owing to +occupation and engagements, but courtesy to his wife's guests demands +his presence when practicable. He should either join them in the +drawing-room or in the dining-room, according to his convenience. + +Guests are not sent in to luncheon as they are to dinner. + +Ladies should not remove their hats at luncheon. They should remove +their fur coats and wraps. These should either be left in the hall on +arrival or taken off in the drawing-room or dining-room. Short gloves +should be removed; elbow gloves may be retained. + +Gentlemen should not take their hats with them into the drawing-room, +but should leave them in the hall. + +Ten minutes is the usual time allowed between the arrival of the guests +and serving luncheon, which is usually served at the hour named, the +received rule being not to wait for guests. + + +=Going in to Luncheon.=--When the luncheon gong sounds the hostess +should say to the lady of highest rank present, "Shall we go in to +luncheon?" or some such phrase. (See "The Art of Conversing.") The +visitor should then move towards the door. If the host is present, he +should walk beside her; if not, the hostess should do so. The other +ladies should follow as far as possible according to precedency, the +gentlemen going last. Thus the hostess either follows with the ladies or +leads the way. + +Guests should not go in to luncheon arm-in-arm as at a dinner-party, but +singly, each lady by herself, or, when space permits, side by side. +Gentlemen likewise, but on arriving in the dining-room, each gentleman +should place himself by the side of a lady, or between two ladies, at +table. + +The hostess should sit at the top of the table and the host at the +bottom, as at dinner, but it is immaterial where the guests sit, +although as a rule the lady of highest rank sits by the host, and the +gentleman of highest rank by the hostess. + +A late arrival should, on being ushered into the dining-room, make his +or her way to the top of the table to shake hands with the hostess, +making some polite excuse for being late. + +A hostess should rise from her seat to welcome a lady, but she should +not do so to welcome a gentleman. + +Luncheon is either served _à la Russe_ or not, according to inclination, +both ways being in equally good taste, although, as a rule, the joint is +served from the _buffet_ or side-table, while the _entrées_, game, or +poultry are placed on the table. + +For further information respecting the arrangements for luncheon, see +the work entitled "Waiting at Table." + +Formerly it was the custom in some houses for the servants to leave the +dining-room as soon as they had helped the various guests to the joint +or joints, and handed round the vegetables and the wine, in which case +the host and hostess helped the guests to the _entrées_ and sweets, or +the gentlemen present did so; but now it is invariably the rule for the +servants to remain in the room during the whole of luncheon, and to hand +the dishes and wine, etc., to the guests as at dinner-parties. + +Luncheon usually lasts about half an hour, during which time the hostess +should endeavour to render conversation general. + +As at dinner, it is the duty of a hostess to give the signal for leaving +the room, which she does by attracting the attention of the lady of +highest rank present by means of a smile and a bow, rising at the same +time from her seat. + +The host, or the gentleman nearest the door, should open it for the +ladies to pass out. + +The ladies should leave the dining-room as far as possible in the order +in which they have entered it, the hostess following last. + + +=When the host is not present=, the gentlemen should follow the ladies +to the drawing-room; but when the host is present, the gentlemen should +remain in the dining-room with the host a short time before joining the +ladies in the drawing-room. + +It is optional on the part of the host whether he returns or not with +the gentlemen to the drawing-room, although, if not particularly +engaged, it is more courteous to do so. + +Coffee is sometimes served after luncheon in the drawing-room. It is +handed on a salver immediately after luncheon. The most usual way now, +however, is to have coffee brought into the dining-room at the +conclusion of luncheon, and handed to the guests on a salver. + +The guests are not expected to remain longer than twenty minutes after +the adjournment to the drawing-room has been made. + +Ladies should put on their gloves on their return to the drawing-room +after luncheon. + +Ladies having motor-cars should previously desire their chauffeurs to +return for them from three to a quarter-past three o'clock, and the +servant should inform each guest of the arrival of her motor-car. + +When a lady requires a cab, she should ask the hostess's permission to +have one called for her. + +The subject of leave-taking is fully described in Chapter IV. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII + +BREAKFASTS + + +=Breakfast Parties= have in certain circles become a feature, and +invitations to breakfast are issued both by card and by note. + +In official circles breakfast parties are frequently given, the morning +hours up to one o'clock being the only disengaged portion of the day, +and thus the opportunity is taken for offering and receiving +hospitality, and of enjoying the society of friends and acquaintances. +The breakfast hour varies from ten to eleven, according to +circumstances, and the meal somewhat resembles a luncheon, fish, +_entrées_, game, and cold viands being given, with the addition of tea, +coffee, and liqueurs. + +Punctuality on these occasions is almost imperative, as breakfast cannot +be prolonged beyond a given limit, and therefore it is not considered +necessary to wait the coming of a late guest. + +The guests go in to breakfast as to luncheon. When a party consists of +both ladies and gentlemen, the hostess should lead the way with the lady +of highest rank, followed by the other ladies, the gentlemen following +with the host. + +When a party consists of gentlemen only, the host should lead the way +with the gentleman of highest rank, and should indicate to the principal +of the gentlemen present the places he wishes them to occupy at table; +the remainder of the company should seat themselves according to +inclination. + +The table should be laid as for luncheon, and decorated with flowers and +fruit. Tea and coffee should be served from a side table by the servants +in attendance. + +All dishes should be handed as at luncheon. + +For the details of "Breakfast-table Arrangements and Serving Breakfast," +see the work entitled "Waiting at Table." + +The guests usually leave as soon as breakfast is over, unless the ladies +are invited by the hostess to accompany her to the drawing-room, or the +gentlemen are invited by the host to smoke a cigarette or cigar previous +to their departure. + + +=House Party Breakfasts.=--In the country the breakfast hour varies from +9 to 10.30, and in some country houses it is an understood thing that +the guests are at liberty to come down to breakfast at any time between +nine and half-past ten. In not a few country houses the hostess and the +ladies breakfast in their own rooms, and the gentlemen of the party +breakfast with the host in the breakfast-room. + +The breakfast gong is a signal for assembling in the breakfast-room or +dining-room, but it is not the custom to wait for any one beyond five or +ten minutes. + +The host and hostess at once take their places at the breakfast-table. + +When the house-party is a large one, and space permits, a number of +small tables should be arranged in the breakfast-room, in addition to a +long breakfast-table. + +The servants should remain in attendance during breakfast to wait upon +the guests. + +There is no general move made from the breakfast-table as in the case of +luncheon or dinner; the hostess generally remains until the whole of the +guests have at least commenced breakfast, save in the case of very late +comers, for whom she would not be expected to remain at the head of the +breakfast-table. + +The guests leave the breakfast-table as soon as they have finished +breakfast, without waiting for any intimation from the hostess to do +so. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII + +PICNICS AND WATER-PARTIES + + +Many things contribute to draw people into the country and away from +town in the month of September; therefore there is a far larger number +in each and every neighbourhood inclined for a picnic or a water-party +than in the three previous months, June, July, and August. + +Picnic parties are sometimes invitation parties, and on other occasions +contribution parties, or parties which partake in a measure of the +character of both. + + +=Picnics by Motor-Car and Picnics by Rail.=--Almost every county has its +show place, or its ruins, its ruined abbey or its castle, its romantic +scenery, and its fine views, its hills or its dales, its waterfalls or +its glens. The southern and western counties are as rich in these +respects as the eastern counties are barren. + +When a picnic party is to proceed to its destination by rail, a saloon +carriage is engaged beforehand, and arrangement is made at the nearest +hotel to supply the party with luncheon at from 5_s._ to 10_s._ per +head, according to the style of luncheon required; or hampers of +provisions are taken under the charge of one or two men-servants. + +If the picnic party proceeds by road, a coach is the favourite mode of +conveyance, whether driven by the owner or hired for the occasion. This +is a more sociable way of going to a picnic than dividing the party into +detachments and conveying them in separate carriages. This is sometimes +unavoidable, and if the party is assembled for a start, it occasions no +little discussion as to how the party should be divided and conveyed in +the various carriages, and it takes no little tact to arrange this in a +satisfactory manner--to overrule objections, and to make things work +smoothly. Again, the members of a picnic party occasionally find their +way to the place of rendezvous independently of each other; but, +although this plan saves trouble, it does not promote sociability, and +parties of four or six are apt to clique together during the day, +instead of making themselves generally agreeable. The provision question +is a very important one, and the heads of a picnic party should arrange +in concert what each is to bring in the way of fish, flesh, fowl, fruit, +and wine. + +The services of one or two men-servants at a large picnic party are +generally required to arrange the table, to open the wine, and last, but +not least, to collect and repack the articles used in the way of plate, +china, or glass. + + +=A picnic luncheon in September= is not always the _al fresco_ spread +under the greenwood tree that it is in July, and oftener than not is +held in the best parlour of a rustic inn, or, by permission, in a barn +or shed, when the weather is not favourable for camping out. + +Usually, when a large picnic party is arranged and got up by some three +or four ladies and gentlemen, they divide the expenses of the +entertainment between themselves, and determine how many shall be +invited, each having the privilege of inviting a certain number. Other +picnics are got up on a different system, each person contributing a +share towards the general expenses; but these gatherings are not so +sociable as are the invitation picnics. + +Invitation picnics where everything is done _en prince_ are extremely +enjoyable and friendly affairs; they are big luncheons, given +out-of-doors instead of indoors, at a distance instead of at home. But +even these are not more pleasant than those well-arranged little +picnics given by officers in country quarters, when the regimental coach +conveys a favoured few to some favourite spot. + + +=Water-Parties.=--There are many ways of arranging a water-party at +yachting stations and at all riverside places. At yachting stations, for +instance, a sailing yacht is hired to convey a party of from eighteen to +twenty-five to some point of interest on the coast, in which case +luncheon and tea are provided at an hotel in the vicinity of the place +where the party have landed, and the expenses are equally divided. Not +unfrequently, on the return journey, the yacht is becalmed, and does not +reach its destination until between two and three the following morning. +If it happens to be a fine moonlight night, this prolongation of a +water-party is an additional source of enjoyment; but if there is no +moon as well as no wind, and the calm betokens a storm, it is the +reverse of pleasant. But these little _contretemps_, when they do occur, +rather lend a zest to the day's pleasure, and are something to talk +about afterwards. + +Water-parties are often given by owners of yachts. These are invitation +parties, and luncheon, tea, and sometimes dinner, are served on board, +and the party land and stroll about, but return to the yacht to be +entertained. + +Picnic and water-parties in general include as many gentlemen as ladies, +whether they are invitation or contribution parties, although sometimes +a majority of ladies is unavoidable. Ryde is a favourite station for +water-parties, as the island itself, as well as the opposite coast, +offer innumerable points of interest for picnicing, and many are able to +combine the pleasures of the yacht with those of the launch in one and +the same water-party; thus a party sails from Ryde to Yarmouth, Isle of +Wight, and then proceeds in a steam, or other, launch to Alum Bay. +Launch parties are immensely popular, both on the river and on the +coast. Some picnic on board, and others on shore, as they feel disposed. + + +=Canoe-parties= on coast and river are also popular with both ladies and +gentlemen, and here again the useful launch is brought into requisition +to convey the party home, as an hour and a half to two hours is an +average time to paddle a canoe; after that time the party land either on +the rocks or on the shore, and light a fire and boil the kettle for tea. +If the tea-drinking and the after-tea ramble are unduly prolonged there +is a chance, if on the coast, of the steam-launch running out of coal, +and of the party having to return home in their own canoes considerably +later than was expected, and not a little fatigued. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIX + +JUVENILE PARTIES + + +=Juvenile Parties= form a prominent feature in the entertainments given +during the winter months. There is scarcely a household the children of +which are not indulged with one large party at least, while others are +allowed as many as two or three children's parties during the winter +months. These parties offer no little elasticity as to their +arrangement, varying from a child's tea party, composed, perhaps, of +five or six children, to a juvenile ball, or fancy dress ball. Some +mothers object, on principle, to the latter entertainments, on the +ground that to give a large juvenile ball provokes a corresponding +number of invitations, and that a round of such gaieties is not good for +young children, either from a moral or from a hygienic point of view. +Morally, that such amusements are likely to destroy or impair the +freshness of childhood, and to engender artificial ideas in their young +minds in place of such as are natural and healthy, and that the +imitation of the manners and bearing of their elders causes them to +become miniature men and women, and divests them of the attributes of +artless and unaffected childhood. + + +=The dresses worn by children= at these entertainments are of so +elaborate a character--and so much pride is exhibited when wearing +them--that a spirit of vanity and a love of dress are aroused at a +prematurely early age. From a physical point of view, late hours, heated +rooms, rich dainties, and constant excitement have a pernicious effect +upon children. + +There is, of course, an opposite view taken by those who uphold juvenile +balls; they consider that children are the better for associating with +others of their own age outside of their own family circle, and that in +the case of only children such association is calculated to render them +lively and intelligent. Another argument in favour of these juvenile +parties is, that children who are in the habit of constantly attending +them acquire self-possessed and confident manners, and that all shyness, +_mauvaise honte_ and _gaucherie_, which distinguish many children when +in the company of strangers, are dispelled by frequent intercourse with +children of all ages. Thus, in place of the noisy game of romps, the +little gentlemen ask the little ladies to dance, pull costume bon-bons +with their favourite partners, and offer them similar attentions +throughout the evening. Of course, there are shy little gentlemen and +shy little ladies even at a juvenile ball; but it is the constant +endeavour of those who accompany them, whether mammas, elder sisters, +young aunts, or grown-up cousins, to persuade them to get the better of +this diffidence, and to induce taciturn Master Tommy to dance with timid +Miss Tiny. Sometimes Master Tommy is obstinate, as well as taciturn, and +his "won't" is as strong as his will. As with all things, so with +children's parties, the medium course is, perhaps, the wisest to take, +running into neither extreme--avoiding too much seclusion or overmuch +gaiety, and rendering such gaiety and amusement suitable to the ages of +the children invited. When an evening's entertainment consists of a +series of amusements, it is a mistake to crowd too great a variety into +the space of four hours, the usual limits of a child's party, for if so +the programme has to be hurriedly gone through, and is hardly finished +before the hour of departure. No little judgment is required when +organising juvenile parties. The hours usually selected for children's +parties, whether on a large or small scale, are from four to eight, five +to nine, six to ten, or from seven to eleven. + + +=The children on their arrival= are received in the drawing-room. In +most cases their relatives, either mothers or grown-up sisters, are +asked to accompany them. + +There is great punctuality observed as regards the hour of arrival, and +tea is usually served in the dining-room about half an hour after that +named on the invitation card. The interim is generally passed by +children in watching each fresh arrival, and in greeting their little +acquaintances, comparing notes with each other as to the teas and the +parties they are going to, or in amusing themselves with the toys +belonging to the children of the house, which are usually arranged on +tables for this purpose; and mechanical toys, walking and talking birds, +etc., musical toys, picture-books, and dolls, and the latest and newest +inventions in the way of playthings afford the little visitors an +opportunity for becoming at ease with each other. + +Tea is generally dispensed at one end of a long table, and coffee at the +opposite end. The governess usually pours out the tea, and one of the +daughters of the house the coffee; or failing her, the head nurse or +lady's maid does so. Dishes of pound, plum, and sponge cake are placed +the length of the table, interspersed with plates of thin +bread-and-butter, biscuits, and preserves; either the ladies of the +family or the servants in attendance hand them to the children. + +When the relatives accompany the children tea is usually served to them +in another room, but frequently they do not arrive until tea is over, +and the nurses accompany the children to the house. + + +=Amusements.=--The arrangements for the evening's amusement are +regulated in a measure by the amount of accommodation a house affords, +premising that boisterous games are not allowed in drawing-rooms, +unless all valuable ornaments or things likely to be broken are removed +from the rooms. + +If conjuring is one of the amusements provided, it generally takes place +in the drawing-room immediately after tea, and lasts about an hour. A +dancing-cloth is put down over the drawing-room carpet; rout seats or +cane chairs are arranged in rows. The youngest children are seated in +the first row. Performing birds, performing dogs, or performing monkeys +are also favourite amusements at these parties, and rank next to +conjuring in the estimation of children. Punch and Judy or marionettes +are popular drawing-room amusements, and either occupies the space of an +hour. + +When a cinematograph show is the entertainment provided, it takes place +in the dining-room or library, or perhaps in the housekeeper's room, if +large enough for the purpose. + +Dancing or games usually precede these amusements, and lasts from half +to three-quarters of an hour; little girls dance with each other round +and square dances, as little girls are, as a rule, more partial to +dancing than are little boys, although they one and all, great and +small, join with glee in a country dance, or in the Tempête, or in "Sir +Roger de Coverley." + +Not longer than an hour is devoted to dancing, and this is usually +followed by games. + +Impromptu charades is a favourite pastime with children; but to avoid +the juvenile audience becoming weary and impatient during the +preparation of the charades it is as well they should be amused with +some quiet game, such as "forfeits," "cross questions and crooked +answers," "proverbs," etc. At Christmas and New Year's parties the +distribution of presents is a very important feature; Christmas trees +are now rather discarded in favour of greater novelties. "Father +Christmas," "Santa Claus," "The Fairy Godmother," "The Fairies' Well," +or the "Lucky Bag" and "The Magic Log," are some of the many devices for +the distribution of presents; these popular characters are represented +by grown-up persons, and provoke much wonder and admiration amongst +children. The presents are usually given at the close of the evening. + + +=Light Refreshments= are provided in the dining-room--lemonade, wine and +water, every description of cake, sandwiches, crystallised fruits, +French plums, figs, almonds and raisins, oranges, etc. Bon-bons +containing paper caps, etc., which afford children much amusement, are +usually provided. + +When a juvenile ball is given a supper is provided; otherwise light +refreshments are considered sufficient, and are served twice during the +evening. Sometimes the children of the family, if old enough and clever +enough, act a little play--some nursery fairy tale, condensed into one +act, such as "Beauty and the Beast," "Cinderella," etc.--which lasts +about an hour, and is followed by dancing. + +When a juvenile fancy ball is given, one or two fancy quadrilles are +arranged beforehand, to be danced by the children in costume. + + + + +CHAPTER XXX + +WRITTEN INVITATIONS + + +=Writing Letters of Invitation=, and answering letters of invitation, +often occupy far longer time in the composition than the writers would +care to confess. The difficulty does not lie in an invitation itself or +in accepting or refusing it, but rather in the form in which either +should be couched, the words that should be chosen, and the expressions +that should be used; one person is afraid of being too _empressé_, +another of being too formal or too stiff; one is fearful of saying too +little, another of saying too much. + +When invitations are issued on dinner cards or on "at home" cards, the +note of acceptance should be as brief as is the printed card of +invitation, and to the printed card requesting the pleasure of Mrs. +Blank's company at dinner, the stereotyped answer is invariably Mrs. +Blank has much pleasure in accepting Mrs. Dash's kind invitation for +Saturday the 21st, or Mrs. Blank regrets that a previous engagement will +prevent her having the pleasure of accepting Mrs. Dash's kind invitation +for Saturday, the 21st. + +As regards those invitations that refer to visits of some days' +duration, those accustomed to give this description of entertainment, +know exactly what to say and how to say it. The conventional civilities +or affectionate cordialities, as the case may be, occur in their proper +places; but one point is made clear in either case, namely, the length +of the visit to be paid. There are people who are under the impression +that to specify the exact length of a visit is in a degree inhospitable, +and not sufficiently polite; and they, therefore, as a sort of +compromise, use the ambiguous term "a few days" in lieu of distinctly +defining the limit of these invitations. So far from vague invitations +such as these being an advantage to invited guests, they not seldom +place them at a disadvantage at more points than one. They are uncertain +on what day they are to take their departure. They do not wish by +leaving a day earlier to disarrange any little plans that their hostess +may have contemplated for their amusement; neither do they wish to +prolong their visit a day later, lest by so doing they should break in +upon any engagements that she may have formed on her own account +independently of her visitors. It is also not a little awkward for +guests to tell their hostess that they think of leaving on Thursday by +12.20 train. It might have suited the hostess very much better that her +visitors should have left on the Wednesday, and in her own mind she had +perhaps intended that the visit should end on that day; but, having left +the invitation open, more or less, by saying "a few days," there is +nothing left for her but to sacrifice her own arrangements to the +convenience of her guests, as without discourtesy she could hardly +suggest to them that they should leave a day earlier than the one they +had named, and the visitors remain unconscious of having in any way +trespassed upon the good nature of their hostess. + +"A few days" is also an unsatisfactory wording of an invitation to +visitors themselves; as a rule, it means three or four days, but there +is also an uncertainty as to whether the fourth day should be taken or +not. Those who interpret "a few days" to mean three days, make their +plans for departure accordingly; failing this, they are compelled to +leave their plans open, and stay from three to five days, according as +chance and circumstances may dictate. A lady would perhaps require a +little addition to her wardrobe in the matter of a five days' visit over +that of a three days' stay; but this is a trifling detail, although it +helps to swell the list of minor inconveniences which are the result of +vague invitations. There are, of course, exceptions to every rule, and +there are people who use this phrase of "Will you come and see us for a +few days?" in the _bonâ fide_ sense of the word, and to whom it is +immaterial whether their guests remain three days or six days; but such +an elastic invitation as this is usually given to a relative, or to a +very intimate friend, whose footing in the house is that of a relation, +and with whom the hostess does not stand on ceremony, as far as her own +engagements are concerned; and people on these friendly terms can talk +over their departure with their hostess, and consult her about it +without the faintest embarrassment. + + +=The most satisfactory invitation= is certainly the one that mentions +the day of arrival and the day of departure. Thus, after the _raison +d'être_ of the invitation has been stated, the why and the wherefore of +its being given follows the gist of the letter: "We hope you will come +to us on Wednesday the 23rd, and remain until the 27th." It is, of +course, open to a hostess to ask her visitors to prolong their stay +beyond the date named if she sees reason for so doing; but this is the +exception rather than the rule in the case of short visits, and guests +take their departure as a matter of course on the day named in the +invitation. Hostess and guests are perfectly at ease upon the subject, +and guests do not feel on delicate ground with their hostess, or fear to +outstay their welcome. When a visit has been paid it is polite, if not +imperative, to write to the hostess and express the pleasure that has +been derived from it. Oftener than not some little matter arises which +necessitates a note being written apart from this; but whether or not, +good feeling and good taste would dictate that some such note should be +written, and, as it can always include little matters of general +interest in connection with the past visit, it need neither be over +ceremonious nor coldly polite. + + +=To write a letter asking for an invitation=, or to answer a letter +asking for an invitation, is in either case a difficult letter to write, +as many have ere this discovered. When a married lady asks for an +invitation for a young relative or friend staying with her, to some +dance or "at home" to which she herself is invited, the note is simple +enough, and the answer is generally a card of invitation or a written +permission to bring her. Again, in the case of asking for invitations +for gentlemen, if a lady is going to a ball, she can without hesitation, +ask for cards of invitation for one or two gentlemen friends of her own, +mentioning their names in the note. In this case also the answer is +generally in the affirmative, as men are always acquisitions at a ball. +The awkwardness of the situation arises when a good-natured person is +solicited to obtain an invitation to a smart ball for a lady and her +daughters, or for the young ladies only, the latter knowing some one who +would chaperon them if they could only get an invitation. If the lady +who asks for the invitation is a fashionable ball-giver, the probability +is that her request will be granted; but if the contrary, the reverse +will most likely be the case. Even when writing to an intimate friend, +there is always a delicacy in asking for an invitation for a third +person, and society appears to become, year after year, still more +exclusive on this point. Many people are reluctant, or decline +altogether, to put themselves under an obligation of this nature, even +for those with whom they are most intimate; it may be that the number of +refusals good-natured people have received from their friends when +trying to render services of this description, have made them chary of +putting themselves forward again in a similar manner: it is chilling to +be told that the list is over full, or that so many people have been +refused already, or that there is not a card to spare. But a few years +ago a ball was not considered a success unless it was an over-crowded +one; the popularity of the ball-giver was shown by the guests scarcely +being able to find standing-room. Thus, invitations were given right +and left to the friends of those who asked for them. + +But the fashion of to-day is to style a crowded ball-room a +"bear-garden," and to confine the invitations, with but very few +exceptions, to those who are strictly on the visiting list of the +ball-giver; and pretty girls may sigh in vain for an invitation to a +ball given even by a relative or acquaintance of their own, if not on +their visiting list. Still, invitations are constantly asked for by +people for their friends, and sometimes they are given and sometimes +they are refused, as the case may be, but much depends upon the position +of the one who solicits the favour. + +If the giver of an entertainment wishes to oblige the petitioner, she +will stretch a point to do so; if not, she will write a polite note of +excuse, giving one of the reasons before mentioned. It is thoroughly +understood people do not ask for invitations for themselves, whatever +they may do for their friends, and that they would not do so unless they +were themselves invited. Living at a distance modifies, however, this +latter rule; and friends in the country often ask for invitations for +friends in town, and _vice versâ_. + + +=Dinner invitations= are, as a matter of course, never asked for; but +invitations to garden-parties, afternoon "at homes," and afternoon teas, +are frequently asked for and readily given. Some are intimate enough at +the house where they visit to take a relative or friend with them to +these afternoon gatherings without observing the punctiliousness of +asking for an invitation; others, on less intimate terms, do not venture +upon doing so. + +In all cases when an invitation is asked for, a hostess should never +neglect to send a reply, and should not take for granted that her +friends will naturally understand that silence gives consent, for under +the circumstances it is very possible to interpret it to signify a +refusal. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXI + +REFUSING INVITATIONS + + +Many reasons exist for declining invitations other than the plea of a +prior engagement. + +"Mrs. M. regrets ('much regrets,' or 'very much regrets') that a +previous engagement prevents her having the pleasure of accepting Mrs. +N.'s 'invitation,' or 'kind invitation.'" When on more intimate terms, +Mrs. M. should write in the first person when declining an invitation. +It is an open question whether the nature of the engagement should be +stated or not. Even intimate friends often confine themselves to the +statement of the bare fact only that a prior engagement exists; others, +on the contrary, state the nature of the engagement, and there is no +doubt that this latter course considerably softens a refusal and lessens +the disappointment experienced, and therefore, when practicable, should +always be followed. + +When a prior engagement cannot be made the basis of a refusal, then the +refusal must rest on other lines; ill health, a severe cold, etc., are +valid excuses. Failing these, the refusal should be as follows:--"Mrs. +Z. regrets she is unable to accept Mrs. X.'s kind invitation, etc." + +It occasionally happens that it is desirable to break an engagement, +circumstances having changed the aspect of things. The invitation, +perhaps, was a verbal one, and a refusal was not easy at the moment. + +Again, impromptu invitations are sometimes refused, having been too +hastily accepted--the servant who brought the note waited for an +answer, and on the impulse of the moment an affirmative answer was +given; the wife had not time to consult her husband, and accepted for +him as well as for herself; or perhaps some potent domestic reason that +could not be explained induced a subsequent refusal. + +The fashionable world accepts refusals as a matter of course, and fills +up the gaps with other invitations. + +Refusals of dinner invitations from those for whom a dinner-party was +partly originated are always disappointing, even to the most popular of +dinner givers, in the same way that the absence of the principal +neighbour from a county entertainment is felt to cast a shadow over the +proceedings of the day. + +Although printed cards of acceptance and of refusal are in general use, +yet many cases arise which render written refusals imperative. + +As regards the refusal of invitations asked for, such requests should +not be made unless on very safe ground, and with a certainty of meeting +with acquiescence, yet occasionally these requests are either unwelcome +or inadmissible, and refusals are consequently given; but, unless worded +with tact and good nature, they are often the cause of strained +relations between both friends and acquaintances. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXII + +WALKING, DRIVING, AND RIDING + + +=The Usual Hours for Walking= in the Park are from 9 until 10.30 a.m. +The hours for afternoon walking and sitting in the Park are from 4 to 7 +p.m. during the summer months. + +The fashionable hours for walking in the Park on Sunday are from 1 to 2 +p.m., both in winter and summer; and from 5 to 7 p.m. in the summer +months. + +Married ladies can, if they please, walk out unaccompanied or unattended +in places of public resort in town or on the parades of fashionable +watering-places; but married ladies, especially if they are young, +usually prefer the society of another lady, not so much, perhaps, for +propriety as for companionship, as to walk alone, either in town or at +fashionable watering-places, renders a lady more or less conspicuous, +especially if she is attractive and well dressed. + +A young lady can now also walk by herself in the Park for the purpose of +joining her friends and acquaintances, both in the morning and in the +afternoon, but she should not sit alone. + +Again, young ladies may walk alone in the fashionable streets, but they +should not loiter when alone at shop-windows as they pass, but walk at a +quick pace from shop to shop, or from street to street. + +In the quiet neighbourhoods of towns, suburban towns, and +watering-places, young ladies walk unaccompanied and unattended to +visit their friends residing in the near vicinity of their homes, or to +attend classes, or for the purpose of shopping, etc. Indeed, great +independence is generally accorded in this respect, the line being drawn +at evening hours--that is to say, at walking alone after dusk. + +At watering-places, and at all public promenades, it is usual for +gentlemen to join ladies with whom they are acquainted, and to walk with +them for a short time when it is apparent that their company is desired, +but not otherwise. + +Ladies and gentlemen, whether related or not, should never walk +arm-in-arm, unless the lady is an elderly one, or an invalid, and +requires this support. + + +=Driving.=--From 3 to 6.30 are the received hours for the afternoon +drive during the summer, and from 2.30 to 4.30 during the winter. + +The following rules as regards entering and leaving a carriage apply to +a motor-car or an electric brougham as far as the construction, make, +and size of the same render it possible. + +When driving in an open or close carriage or motor-car it is quite +immaterial whether the owner occupies the right-hand or the left-hand +seat. The seat she occupies depends upon which side she enters, as the +lady driving with her should enter before her and should seat herself on +the furthest seat. + +A visitor should always enter the motor-car or carriage before the +hostess. + +When three ladies enter a motor-car or carriage the young unmarried lady +should take the back seat and the two married ladies should occupy the +front seat; this is a matter of courtesy on the part of a young lady due +to married ladies and not strictly demanded by etiquette. + +A husband should sit with his back to the horses, or by the side of the +chauffeur in the case of a motor-car, when a lady is driving with his +wife. + +A gentleman should be the first to get out of a motor-car or carriage, +with a view to assisting the ladies to do so. + +As a rule the hostess should leave the carriage or car after her guest +and not before her, unless it is more convenient to do otherwise. + +When a lady is merely calling for an acquaintance to take her for a +drive, she should not descend from her car or carriage for the purpose +of allowing her to enter it before her. + +In the afternoon young ladies may drive alone in the public +thoroughfares, unaccompanied by married ladies. It is permissible for a +young lady to drive alone in the Park or in the streets. A married lady +can, as a matter of course, drive unaccompanied. + +It would be unconventional were a lady to drive alone with a gentleman +in his motor-car, unless he were nearly related to her, or unless she +were engaged to be married to him. + +It is usual for the owner of a carriage to sit with her face to the +horses; when a married lady is driving with her she should sit beside +her. When young ladies are driving with her in addition to the married +lady they should sit with their backs to the horses. + +When a lady is driving with her husband, and a young lady accompanies +her, she should not offer the front seat to the young lady, but should +retain it herself, and even should the offer be made, a young lady +should not avail herself of it. + + +=Riding.=--As regards riding in town, the hours for practice in the Row +are from 8 to 10 a.m. in summer and 9 to 11 a.m. in winter, for +inexperienced riders and beginners; young ladies ride with a +riding-master or with a riding-mistress, or with a relative, as the case +may be. + +The hours for riding in the Park range from 9.30 to 10.30 a.m. + +It is thoroughly understood that a lady may ride in the Park alone--that +is, unaccompanied or unattended--for the purpose of joining her friends. +It is argued, in these days of woman's emancipation, that no possible +harm or annoyance can arise from the fact of a lady riding unattended, +beyond the always possible chance of an accident. + +Although great latitude is now allowed to young ladies with regard to +riding alone, many parents still prefer that their daughters should be +attended by their grooms. + +Two ladies frequently ride together, unaccompanied by a gentleman and +unattended by a groom. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIII + +BOWING + + +As regards the recognition of friends or acquaintances, it is the +privilege of a lady to take the initiative, by being the first to bow. A +gentleman should not raise his hat to a lady until she has accorded him +this mark of recognition, although the act of bowing is a simultaneous +action on the part of both lady and gentleman, as a lady would hardly +bestow a bow upon a gentleman not prepared to return it. + +The bow between intimate acquaintances takes the character, when given +by a lady, of a familiar nod in place of a stiff bow. + + +=When a gentleman returns the bow= of a lady he should do so by +distinctly taking his hat off and as quickly replacing it, not merely +raising it slightly, as formerly, and if he is an intimate acquaintance +or friend, he should act in a similar manner. + +In France and on the Continent generally, the rule of bowing is +reversed, and the gentleman is the first to bow to the lady, instead of +the lady to the gentleman. + +Between ladies but slightly acquainted, the one of highest rank should +be the first to bow to the other; between ladies of equal rank it is +immaterial which of the two bows first. + + +=A lady should not bow= to persons only known to her by sight, although +she may frequently have seen them in the company of her friends. + +A lady should bow to a gentleman, either a friend or acquaintance, even +when he is walking with either a lady or gentleman, with whom she is +unacquainted. + +Gentlemen do not raise their hats in recognition of each other, but +simply nod, when not walking with ladies, save when a vast difference +exists in rank or age. + +When a gentleman meets another--a friend of his--walking with a lady or +ladies, with whom he himself is unacquainted, he should raise his hat +and look straight before him, not at the lady or ladies. + +A lady should not bow to another who, being a stranger to her, has +addressed a few remarks to her at an afternoon party, as the fact of +meeting at the house of a mutual friend does not constitute an +acquaintanceship, and does not authorise a future bowing acquaintance. + +Ladies, as a rule, are not too ready to bow to those whom they have +merely conversed with in a casual way. In the first place, they are not +quite certain of being remembered, and nothing is more disconcerting and +disagreeable than to bow to a person who does not return it through +forgetfulness of the one who has given it, or through shortsightedness, +or through actual intention. Short-sighted people are always offending +in the matter of not bowing, and almost every third person, +comparatively speaking, complains of being more or less short-sighted; +thus it behoves ladies to discover for themselves the strength and +length of sight possessed by their new acquaintances, or the chances are +that their bow may never be returned, or they may continue to labour +under the impression that they have received a cut direct; thus many +pleasant acquaintances are lost through this misapprehension, and many +erroneous impressions created. + + +=A bowing acquaintance= is a difficult and tiresome one to maintain for +any length of time, when opportunities do not arise for increasing it. +The irksomeness of keeping it up is principally experienced by persons +meeting day after day in the Park or on public promenades, riding, +driving, or walking, more especially when it is tacitly understood that +the acquaintance should not develop into a further acquaintance. + +It would be considered discourteous to discontinue a bowing acquaintance +which has once been commenced. + +To know a gentleman by sight through having frequently seen him at balls +and parties, does not give a lady the right to bow to him, even though +she may have stood beside him for some twenty minutes or so on a crowded +staircase, and may have received some slight civility from him. + +A lady who has received a little service from a stranger would gladly +acknowledge it at any subsequent meeting by a pleasant bow, but as +bowing to a gentleman argues an acquaintance with him, and as in such +cases as these an acquaintance does not exist, etiquette provides no +compromise in the matter. Therefore, if a young lady takes her own line, +and rather than appear ungracious bows to a gentleman who has not been +introduced to her either directly or indirectly, it is a breach of +etiquette on her part; and as to do an unconventional thing is not +desirable, the innumerable little services which ladies receive in +general society are not further acknowledged beyond the thanks expressed +at the moment of their being received. + + +=Bows vary materially=: there is the friendly bow, the distant bow, the +ceremonious bow, the deferential bow, the familiar bow, the reluctant +bow, and so on, according to the feelings that actuate individuals in +their intercourse with each other. + +When a bowing acquaintance only exists between ladies and gentlemen, and +they meet perhaps two or three times during the day, and are not +sufficiently intimate to speak, they do not usually bow more than once, +when thus meeting in park or promenade. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIV + +THE COCKADE + + +=Cockades are worn= by servants in livery of officers in the army and +navy, and all those who hold His Majesty's commission; also of +lords-lieutenants and deputy-lieutenants. + +Retainers of the Crown are entitled to the use of the cockade as a badge +of the reigning dynasty. + +The fact that cockades are now so frequently worn by men-servants may be +accounted for thus: + +Deputy-lieutenants are far more numerous now than was formerly the case; +almost every country gentleman is a deputy-lieutenant, and consequently +his servants are entitled to the use of the cockade. The privilege of +appearing in uniform at levées instead of in Court dress has been and is +an incentive to many to seek for and obtain the appointment of +deputy-lieutenant. Again, all justices of the peace claim the use of the +cockade as being "Civil retainers of the Crown"; and although there is +no clearly defined rule on this head, according to the late Sir Albert +Woods, Garter-King-at-Arms, it has long been tacitly conceded to them. + +The custom of livery servants wearing cockades dates from the +commencement of the eighteenth century, and was at first purely a +military distinction. + +The cockade worn by the servants of the members of the Royal Family, and +by all who claim to be of Royal descent, is slightly different in shape +from that known as the badge of the reigning dynasty, _i.e._ the +Hanoverian badge, and is round in shape and without a fan. The military +cockade is of an oval shape, terminating in a fan. The civil cockade is +of an oval shape also, but without the fan. The naval cockade is +identical with the civil cockade. + +The white cockade is the badge of the House of Stuart. The black cockade +that of the House of Hanover. The servants of foreign ambassadors wear +cockades in colour according to their nationalities. Black and white for +Germany; black and yellow for Austria; the tricolour for France; scarlet +for Spain; blue and white for Portugal; and black and yellow for +Belgium. + +The word cockade, according to a well-known authority, was borrowed from +the French _cocarde_, having originally been applied to the plumes of +cock's feathers worn by Croatian soldiers serving in the French army. +Some such plume, or in its place a bunch of ribbons, came to be used in +pinning up the flaps of the hat into a cocked position, and thus +gradually the word passed for the name of the "cocked" hat itself. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXV + +COUNTRY-HOUSE VISITS + + +September is actually the commencement of the country visiting season, +the few visits that are paid in August are but a prelude to the +programme that is to follow during the succeeding five months. + + +=The visitors received in August= are principally relatives. The +exceptions to the August family parties are the August cricket parties +in the counties where cricket is made a great feature during that month, +where the cricket weeks and consequent large country-house parties are +of annual recurrence, and where balls and private theatricals form part +of the week's amusement. It often follows that people visit at the same +houses year after year, they arrange their tour of visits with regard to +those invitations which they annually receive; new acquaintances and new +houses whereat to visit are added to the list from time to time and take +the place of those which, as a matter of course, drop out of it. +Sometimes the invitations fit into each other admirably, like the pieces +of a puzzle; at others there is an awkward interval of a day, or two or +three days, to be filled up between leaving one house and arriving at +another. If the hostess is, in either case, a relation or an intimate +friend, this difficulty is easily surmounted by staying on at one house +until the day fixed for arrival at another, or _vice versâ_; but if a +guest is on ceremony with her hostess, or if, as is often the case, new +arrivals are expected for the following week, the alternative is to +spend a few days in town, as although the house where the next visit to +be paid might be within twenty or thirty miles of the house the visitor +is about to leave, it would be unusual to spend the interval at an hotel +in the adjacent town, as to do so might reflect upon the hospitality of +the hostess. On the other hand, invitations are sometimes given +independently of dates, but this friendly style of invitation is not +given when a large party is invited, and it is understood to mean that +the hostess may be quite alone, or may have guests staying with her, as +the case may be. This form of invitation is frequently given to people +visiting in Scotland, on account of the great distance from town. + +It is a very general custom to give shooting parties the third week in +September, harvest permitting. If the harvest is late on account of +unfavourable weather the shooting parties are postponed until the first +week in the ensuing month. The guests, or at least the crack guns, are +usually invited for partridge driving, which is what partridge shooting +now actually amounts to. + +There are large shooting parties and small shooting parties, shooting +parties to which royalty is invited and shooting parties restricted to +intimate friends or relations, but in either case the period is the +same, three days' shooting. + + +=If a party is limited to five guns=, seven ladies is the average number +invited, the hostess relying upon a neighbour or a neighbour's son to +equalise the balance at the dinner-table. The success of house-parties +mainly depends upon people knowing each other, or fraternising when they +are introduced or have made each other's acquaintance. The ladies of a +country-house party are expected, as a rule, to amuse themselves, more +or less, during the day. After luncheon there is usually a drive to a +neighbouring town, a little shopping to be done there, or a call to be +paid in the neighbourhood by some of the party, notably the married +ladies, the young ladies being left to their own resources. + +At the close of a visit game is offered to those of the shooters to whom +it is known that it will be acceptable. + +The head gamekeeper is usually instructed to put up a couple of brace of +pheasants and a hare. But in some houses even this custom is not +followed, and the whole of the game killed, with the exception of what +is required for the house, finds its way into the market, both the local +market and the London market. + + * * * * * + +Shooting parties as a rule give a hostess little anxiety on the score of +finding amusement for the ladies of the party, as so many aids out of +doors are at her command at this season of the year. This is a great +advantage, as although some few ladies possessing great strength of +nerve have taken up shooting as an amusement and pastime and acquit +themselves surprisingly well in this manly sport, yet ladies in general +are not inclined for so dangerous a game, and even those intrepid ladies +who have learnt how to use their little gun would never be permitted to +make one or two of a big shooting party, even were they so inclined. + +The hostess and the ladies of the party invariably join the shooters at +luncheon, and some of the ladies go out with the shooters in the morning +to watch their prowess in the field; but this entails a great deal of +walking where partridge shooting is concerned, which is quite another +thing to covert shooting in November and December. + + +=A good hostess has great opportunities= for distinguishing herself when +entertaining a country-house party, from the arrival of the first +motor-car to the departure of the last. Her consideration and tact are +so successfully exerted that somehow her guests always find themselves +doing exactly what they like best and in company with those who are +most congenial to them, to say nothing of the comfort of the general +domestic arrangements, which seem to have been arranged exclusively for +their convenience. If they wish to drive, there is a carriage or +motor-car at their disposal; if they prefer a constitutional, there is +some one very agreeable desirous of walking with them. The daily papers +are always to be found, the post-bag goes out at a most convenient hour +by the hand of a special messenger, the dinner is of the best, and the +evening is of the cheeriest. Bridge as a rule is played in most houses, +and several tables are arranged in the drawing-room to accommodate the +would-be players. + +Occasionally, when the birds are wild and sport is slack, a sort of +picnic luncheon is held in the vicinity of a keeper's lodge, under the +shade of some wide-spreading trees, when the ladies join the party; but +in September keen sportsmen rather despise this playing at shooting, and +resent the interruption caused by the company of ladies at luncheon, and +prefer to take it in the rough and smoke the while. Every day of the +week is not thus given up to shooting, and there are few owners of +manors who would care to provide five days' consecutive sport for their +guests, and two days' hard shooting is probably followed by what is +called an idle day. On these off days in September the hostess often +gives a garden-party, or takes her guests to one given by a neighbour at +some few miles distant; or she holds a stall at a bazaar and persuades +her guests to assist her in disposing of her stock; or she induces her +party to accompany her to some flower-show in which she takes a local +interest; or the host and one or two of the best shots start early after +breakfast to shoot with a neighbour, and the remainder of the guests +drive over to a picturesque ruin, where they picnic, and return home in +time for the eight-o'clock dinner. If the owner of a mansion has a coach +the whole party is conveyed on it, otherwise the motor-cars are brought +into requisition, while saddle horses are provided for those who care +to ride. A country-house party occasionally resolves itself into two or +more cliques, as far as the ladies are concerned; gentlemen, as a rule, +are not much given to this sort of thing. On the first evening, as soon +as the ladies have left the dining-room for the drawing-room, these +little cliques are tacitly formed, and continue unbroken until the close +of the visit. There are many reasons which call these cliques into +existence--old intimacies revived, new acquaintanceships to be +strengthened, unwelcome acquaintanceships to be avoided, and so on. +These cliques are by no means agreeable to the hostess, indeed, quite +the contrary--but she is powerless to prevent their being formed, and +she is herself sometimes drawn into one or other of them, and sometimes +altogether excluded from them. Any one who is at all conversant with +country-house visiting is aware how thoroughly the influence of the +clique pervades the atmosphere of the drawing-room; and yet, perhaps, at +country-house parties more friendships are formed and intimacies +cemented than at any other gatherings. + + +=The evening amusements= at country-house parties vary very much +according to the proclivities of the hostess or those of her daughters. +At some houses dancing is the order of things for a couple of hours or +so after dinner, but this mode of spending the evening does not always +commend itself to the gentlemen, who, after a long day's walking through +wet turnips and over heavy ploughed land, or a hard day's riding over +stiff fences, rather incline towards the _dolce far niente_ of a +luxurious armchair than to the pleasures of the mazy valse, and are +proportionately grateful to a hostess who does not call upon them to +undergo any further exercise than what they have already gone through +for their own pleasure. + +In most country-house parties bridge forms the chief if not the only +amusement, and is played not only after dinner but in the afternoon +also. Amateur theatricals and _tableaux vivants_, impromptu charades, +thought reading, conjuring, etc., are fashionable amusements and easy of +accomplishment: the first-named of these demands considerable study and +plenty of time for rehearsal, therefore theatricals are generally +engaged in when the party is composed of relatives rather than of +acquaintances, and when the visit would be perhaps prolonged to ten days +or a fortnight. + +Some hostesses prefer keeping late hours to early hours, and do not +retire until after twelve; this does not commend itself to the +gentlemen, as they are not supposed to adjourn to the smoking-room until +the ladies have left the drawing-room, and gentlemen like to spend a +couple of hours in the smoking-room after dinner. + + +=In hunting counties= the breakfast is usually an early one, varying +from nine o'clock to half-past nine, according to whether the ride to +covert is likely to be a long or a short one; but, as a rule, the +nominal breakfast hour is 9.30 o'clock. A certain amount of latitude is +allowed to guests as regards coming down to breakfast; they do not +assemble in the morning-room, but all make their way to the +breakfast-room, and seat themselves at once at table, while many ladies +breakfast in their own rooms. + + +=In Scotland, an invitation to shoot= often means a visit of three +weeks. The accommodation of the shooting-box or lodge may be limited or +primitive, and it is very often both of these; but it matters very +little to the sportsman what sort of bed he sleeps on, or how he is made +to rough it, providing the grouse are plentiful. On some of the moors +there are but cottages and farmhouses for the occupation of the +sportsmen, but on others the houses are excellent, and let with the +moors, as many take a moor season after season and invite their friends +to shoot between the 12th of August and October. The grand shooting +parties that are annually given in Scotland by owners of large estates +and fine shootings extends throughout the whole of the shooting season, +and guests come and go without intermission; as one leaves another +arrives. Certain houses or castles are much gayer than others; to some +very few ladies are asked, the majority of the guests being +gentlemen--probably the hostess and two ladies and eight men--in others, +the numbers are more equal; in others, again, the party sometimes +consists entirely of men with a host and no hostess. Ladies generally +ask their most intimate friends to Scotland rather than acquaintances, +as they are left to themselves the whole of the day, dinner being often +postponed until nine o'clock, on account of the late return of the +sportsmen. + + +=South of the Tweed, September invitations= are usually given for three +or four days, from Tuesday till Saturday; married couples, young ladies, +and young men, are all asked, and the ladies find amusement in +lawn-tennis, or in attending or assisting at some neighbouring bazaar or +fancy fair, as in this month county bazaars are very popular, and the +visitors at one house lend their services in conjunction with the +visitors at another, to hold stalls at a bazaar got up by a third +influential lady; and thus the stalls are well stocked, and the +fashionable stall-holders give an impetus to the whole affair. + +Ladies see very little of the gentlemen between breakfast and dinner. +The shooters start about eleven, and seldom return much before seven. + +When it is dark at four, those who prefer ladies' society and tea to the +smoking-room and billiards, make themselves presentable and join the +ladies. + + +=As regards the Etiquette of Visiting at Bachelors' Houses.=--It is +thoroughly understood that ladies should be accompanied by their +husbands, and young ladies by their father and mother, or by a married +couple with whom they are on terms of great intimacy, in which case the +married lady acts as chaperon to the young ladies. Young ladies cannot +stay at the house of a bachelor unless chaperoned by a married lady, or +by a female relative of their host. A widow and her daughter could of +course join a party of ladies staying at a bachelor's house, or stay on +a visit to him were he alone, or entertaining bachelor friends. + +When a bachelor gives a country-house party, and nominally does the +honours himself, occasionally one of the married ladies of the party +tacitly takes the lead. + +The position of a young widower is similar to that of a bachelor as +regards society. Later in life, the contrary is the case; a widower with +grown-up daughters gives entertainments for them, and the eldest +daughter does the honours, thus reducing the position again to that of +host and hostess. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVI + +HUNTING AND SHOOTING + + +=Ladies in the Hunting-Field.=--There is no arena better fitted to +display good riding on the part of women than the hunting-field, and no +better opportunity for the practice of this delightful accomplishment +and for its thorough enjoyment. It is urged, however, that it argues +cruelty of disposition and unwomanly feeling to join in the pursuit of a +poor, miserable, hunted fox, and worse still to be in at the death, and +that women are liable to be carried away by the enthusiasm of the hour +to applaud and to witness what they would otherwise shrink from. This +argument has a certain weight, and deters many from actually hunting who +would otherwise join in the sport, and they make a compromise by +regularly attending the meets, and even witnessing a throw-off of a +fox-break covert. Every strong point that a rider possesses is brought +out in the field. The canter in the Row, the trot through the +country-lanes, or the long country ride are very feeble substitutes for +the intense enjoyment experienced when taking part in a good run; the +excitement felt and shared in by the whole field exhilarates and +stimulates, and renders fatigue a thing out of the question, not to be +thought of until the homeward ride is well over. + +Considering the number of ladies who hunt, the accidents that occur are +surprisingly few, for the obvious reason that ladies do not attempt to +hunt unless their skill as good horsewomen is beyond all question. Their +husbands, their fathers, their brothers would not allow them to +jeopardise their lives, unless their riding and experience, their +courage, their nerve, and their instruction justified the attempt. + +There are also two other weighty considerations necessary to success--a +good mount, and a good lead. The father or husband invariably selects +the one, and the friend--either of the fair rider or of the husband or +brother--gives the all-important lead, without which few ladies venture +upon hunting, save those few who are independent enough to cut out their +own work. + +Ladies, who are naturally fond of riding, cannot always indulge in the +pleasure of hunting, on the ground of expense, for instance. A lady may +possess a fairly good horse for ordinary purposes, to ride in the Row, +or for country exercise, but very few gentlemen of moderate means can +afford to keep hunters for the ladies of their families as well as for +themselves, although, in fiction, this is freely done. If a lady has one +good hunter of her own, she may expect two days' hunting a week, +providing the country is not too stiff, and the meets are fairly +convenient. Occasionally, a mount may be obtained from a good-natured +friend, whose stud is larger than his requirements; but this is not to +be depended upon in every-day life, and popular ladies and first-rate +riders are more in the way of receiving these attentions than the +general run of ladies. + +As regards the presence of young ladies in the hunting-field, there are +two opinions respecting its advisability, apart from the question of +whether it is or is not a feminine pursuit. The long ride home in the +November and December twilight, in the company of some member of the +hunt, who has become the young lady's cavalier for the time being, is +not to the taste of many parents; chaperonage must of necessity be +greatly dispensed with in the hunting-field, and this is an objection +which many fathers advance against their daughters hunting. + +Some husbands entertain equally strict views on this head, and are of +opinion that the boldest rider and the best lead to follow in the field +is not always the guest they would most desire to see at their own +firesides. + + +=Hunt-Breakfasts.=--A lady should not go to a hunt-breakfast at the +house of a country gentleman if unacquainted with him, or some member of +his family, unless asked to do so by a mutual acquaintance. All +gentlemen riding to hounds, whether strangers to the host or not, have +the privilege of entering any house where a hunt-breakfast is given and +accepting the hospitality offered. The breakfast, which is in reality a +cold collation, with the addition of wine, liqueurs, ale, etc., is +usually laid out in the dining-room, and no ceremony whatever is +observed; the gentlemen come and go as they please. + +The mistress of the house should either be present at a hunt-breakfast +and receive the ladies who arrive in the hall or dining-room, or she +should receive them in the drawing-room, where refreshments should be +brought to them. + +When a hostess intends riding to hounds, she is often mounted before her +neighbours arrive, in which case she invites them to enter the house for +refreshments, if they care to do so. + + +=Gentlemen who go down into a County= for a few days' hunting only +seldom wear "pink," and prefer riding to hounds in black coats. + +The members of the hunt wear pink as a matter of course, but it is +considered better taste for a stranger to wear a black coat than to +appear in a _new_, _very new_, unspecked red one. + + +=Sporting Terms.=--Persons unversed in matters appertaining to "country +life" and "country sports," town bred, and who have had little or no +opportunity of acquiring a knowledge of the subject from personal +experience, can hardly fail to commit many and various mistakes when +brought into contact with sportsmen and their sports. + +A knowledge of sporting matters and sporting terms, and the etiquette +observed by sportsmen, is only arrived at by associating with those +thoroughly conversant with the subject, and with whom "sport" has formed +part of their education so to speak. + + +=The Shooting Season commences= on the 12th of August with grouse +shooting in the north of England, Scotland, and Ireland. Partridge +shooting commences on the 1st of September and terminates on the 1st of +February. + +The finest partridge shooting is allowed by general consent to be found +in the eastern counties. + +Partridge driving does not take place until January to any great extent. + + +=Pheasant Shooting= commences the 1st of October and terminates the 1st +of February. + + +=Hares= may be shot up to the 1st of March. + + +=Rabbits= may be shot all the year round. + + +=Rooks= are shot during the spring and summer. + + * * * * * + +It is difficult to make a would-be sportsman comprehend the strict +etiquette maintained between the owners of manors; that is to say, he +would think nothing of crossing the boundary of his host's manor, "gun +in hand," if he felt inclined to follow a bird or hare he had wounded, +oblivious of the fact that, in the first place, the greatest +punctiliousness is observed between gentlemen in the matter of +trespassing on each other's land when out shooting; and, that unless the +greatest intimacy existed, a sportsman would hardly venture to pick up +his dead bird if it had fallen on a neighbour's manor, and would on no +account look for a wounded bird, but for a dead one only. In the second +place he would carefully observe the rule of leaving his gun on his own +side of the boundary, and would certainly not carry it with him to his +neighbour's land. These are points that strangers invited for a few +days' shooting very often fall foul of, creating thereby much +unpleasantness for their host through their ignorance and inexperience. + + +=When a gentleman is invited to join= a shooting-party, it would not be +necessary for him to take a loader with him, as his host would find a +man to perform that office for him, unless he had a servant with him +capable of performing that duty; but if he were residing in the +neighbourhood he would, as a matter of course, take his loader with him +when asked to join a shooting-party, and in both cases he would shoot +with two guns, as to shoot with one gun only causes a vexatious delay. + +A frequent cause of offence to sportsmen is for a gentleman to be noisy +when out shooting, that is to say, to be "loudly talkative," or +"boisterously merry," or given to indulge in exclamations when a bird +rises, or when a bird is missed; your true sportsman maintains a strict +silence. + +There are numberless other points relating to field sports wherein the +"inexperienced sportsman" is apt to give offence, but which would take +up too much space to enter into in a work of this description. + + +=The Fees, or Tips to the Gamekeepers=, vary from 10_s._ to £5, +according to the number of days' shooting enjoyed or the extent of the +bag. + +For one day's partridge-shooting the tip to the head gamekeeper would be +a sovereign; for a good day's pheasant-shooting, as much as two +sovereigns would probably be given. A gentleman who does not tip or fee +up to this mark is not likely to find himself too well placed in a +battue. + +The cost of a game licence is £3, and lasts twelve months, from 1st +August to the 31st of July the following year, or £2 from the 1st of +August to the 31st of October, or £2 from the 1st of November to the +31st of July in the following year, or £1 for fourteen days. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVII + +SHAKING HANDS + + +The etiquette with regard to shaking hands is not an open question, it +is distinct enough and simple enough for all exigencies, but yet there +is individual temperament to be taken into account which in many drives +etiquette out of the field, if by etiquette is understood not merely +stiff propriety of action, but politeness in the truest sense of the +word, and doing that which is exactly the right thing to do. Etiquette +rules when to shake hands and when not to do so, when to bow and when +not to bow; but in spite of this knowledge, which is within every one's +reach, there are many mistakes made on this head. + +For instance, one does not offer to shake hands when expected to do so; +another offers to shake hands three times; one displays unwarrantable +warmth in shaking hands; another extends two fingers only; one shakes +hands in a limp and uncomfortable manner, and takes the extended hand +merely to drop it; another literally pumps the extended hand, or crushes +the rings into a lady's fingers when shaking hands with her. + + +=A lady who does not shake hands= when expected to do so is actuated by +one or other of the following reasons--she did not wish to shake hands +with a certain acquaintance, and preferred to bow only, or she was not +aware whether she should have shaken hands or not. + +The gentlemen who shake hands with great warmth and _empressement_ are +two distinct individuals; the one is cordial and large-hearted, and has +a friendly grasp for every one--a grasp indicative of kindliness, +geniality, and good fellowship--the other wishes to ingratiate himself +in certain quarters, and loses no opportunity of demonstratively shaking +hands, but no one is deceived by this spurious imitation of the real +thing. + + +=When a lady gives but two fingers= to people whom she does not care +about, she is always a person who fancies herself, and who feels very +fine; she doubtless is, but her good breeding and her good feeling are +both in question when she takes this method of showing the superiority +of herself and her position over that of other people. + +There are other eccentricities indulged in by different people who shake +hands when they should not, and people who do not shake hands when they +should. + +It depends upon whom a lady is introduced to, or upon who is introduced +to her, whether she should or should not shake hands. She should not +shake hands on being casually introduced to a person altogether a +stranger to her; but yet there are so many occasions when it is both +proper and correct to shake hands on being introduced, that the rule on +this head is a very elastic one. + +For instance, a host and hostess should shake hands with every stranger +introduced to them at their house. + +A lady should shake hands on being introduced to the relations of her +intended husband. + +A lady should shake hands on being introduced to the friend of an +intimate friend. + +When a lady has entered into conversation to any extent with some one to +whom she has been introduced, and finds she has much in common with her, +she should shake hands on taking leave; but if she has only exchanged a +few commonplace sentences, a bow would be all that is necessary. + +A lady usually takes the initiative with regard to shaking hands as with +bowing; but in reality it is a spontaneous movement, made by both lady +and gentleman at the same moment, as the hand ought not to be extended +or the bow given unless expected and instantaneously reciprocated. + +A young lady should not offer to shake hands with one not expectant of +the honour. + + +=Shaking hands on taking leave is=, with some few people, a graceful and +pleasant fashion of saying good-bye; intimate friends hold the hand +while the last words are being said. Women hold each other's hands thus +on parting, and some few men take each other's hands; but with them it +is rather a foreign fashion, and is principally followed by those who +have lived much on the Continent; for, as a rule, an Englishman prefers +the hearty English shake of the hand. + +A lady having once shaken hands with another, should continue to do so +at subsequent meetings, unless a coolness of manner warns her that a bow +would be more acceptable. + +With regard to shaking hands at a dinner-party with acquaintances: if +the dinner-party is a small one, and there is time to shake hands, it is +correct to do so; but when there is little time before dinner, and no +good opportunity for shaking hands, bows to acquaintances at distant +parts of the room, or when seated at the dinner-table, are sufficient +recognition for the time being. + +At an evening-party it depends upon opportunity whether acquaintances +shake hands or not. + + +=The fashion of raising the arm= when shaking hands is followed by very +few in the exaggerated style in which it was first introduced, but a +modification of it has distinctly become the fashion in general society. + +The hand, instead of being extended straight out, is now offered on a +line or parallel with the chest, a trifle higher than the old-fashioned +style, and the fingers of the hand are held and gently shaken, but the +palm is not grasped or even touched. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVIII + +CHAPERONS AND DÉBUTANTES + + +An unmarried lady, unless she be a maiden-lady of a recognised age and +standing, cannot act as an orthodox chaperon; but, on the other hand, a +young married lady could do so with the greatest propriety, as could a +brother from the age of eighteen; of other relatives it is not necessary +to speak. + +Young ladies are now frequently asked to dinner-parties without a +chaperon, a hostess constituting herself chaperon for the occasion. +Dances are also given to which it is understood chaperons are _not_ +invited, the hostess again acting in that capacity, but at large balls +and dances chaperonage is considered indispensable for young ladies. At +theatres and evening concerts chaperonage is distinctly required; but at +morning concerts and _matinées_, companionship rather than chaperonage +is needed. + +As regards morning hours. Young ladies may now walk together in the Park +and elsewhere; ride together, attend classes together or alone, go to +luncheon or afternoon tea alone or together at the houses of friends and +acquaintances, quite unaccompanied by a chaperon. They may also visit at +country houses without a chaperon, the hostess performing this duty. + +At all out-door gatherings, such as garden-parties, tennis-parties, +cricket-matches, golf-meetings, etc., the chaperonage required is of the +slightest, and for which any might be made available. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIX + +PRESENTATIONS AT THE VICEREGAL COURT, DUBLIN CASTLE + + +The Drawing-rooms at Dublin Castle are held by the Lord-Lieutenant of +Ireland and his wife, in St. Patrick's Hall, at 10.15 o'clock p.m. + + +=A Lady who desires= a presentation at the Viceregal Court must be +presented by a lady who has herself been presented thereat, and it is +necessary that she herself should be present on the occasion, save under +exceptional circumstances. A lady is not allowed to present more than +_two_ ladies, except in special cases to be sanctioned by His +Excellency. + + +=A Lady who proposes being presented= at a Viceregal Drawing-room must +send to the Chamberlain's office by five o'clock, three days previous to +the Drawing-room, a card with her name and address both in town and +country, and the name and address of the lady by whom she is to be +presented distinctly written thereon, and stating which Drawing-room she +wishes to attend, to be submitted to the Lord-Lieutenant and his wife +for their Excellencies' approval. Also two Presentation Cards must be +obtained at the Chamberlain's office two days before the +Drawing-room--if they have not previously been sent by post--and must be +filled in with the necessary particulars, and taken to the Castle on the +evening of the Drawing-room, one to be delivered to the official +stationed in the Corridor, and the other to be handed to the +Chamberlain, who will announce the name. It is requested that the names +may be very distinctly written upon the cards, that there may be no +difficulty in announcing them. + + +=A Lady attending= a Viceregal Drawing-room, who has been already +presented at the Viceregal Court, must leave at the Chamberlain's +office, three days previous to the Drawing-room, a card with her name +and address, both in town and country, distinctly written thereon, and +stating which Drawing-room she wishes to attend. She must bring with her +two similar cards on the evening of the Drawing-room, one to be given to +the official in the Corridor, and the other to the Chamberlain, who will +announce the name. + +A lady on entering the Castle on the evening of a Drawing-room towards +ten o'clock, finds the hall lined with soldiers, and repairs at once to +the cloak-room to leave wraps, etc., and to have her train dexterously +arranged over one arm by a female attendant. She then proceeds up the +grand staircase, lined with servants in gorgeous liveries, and enters +the Corridor, where one of the Presentation Cards is given up to the +official in attendance, and she passes down the Corridor into the Long +Drawing-room, where a barrier of wood, enclosing a space, is erected at +the end. One of the gentlemen of the Household lifts this barrier at +intervals to allow of a certain number passing through to the +Throne-room, at the door of which her train is let down and arranged by +men-servants. If she is to be "presented," the Chamberlain tells her to +take off her right-hand glove, and, if royalty is present, informs her +that she must make three bows, and says, "Three bows, please." She gives +up her second Presentation Card to him, and he calls out her name, and +it is passed along to His Excellency by the gentlemen of the household. +The Lord-Lieutenant and his wife stand on a daïs, he standing in front +of the Throne, which is a grand chair of State, and on either side--in +what are known as the "Pens"--are grouped the visitors staying at the +Castle, those who have the private _entrée_, and the members of the +Household. The name of the lady who makes the presentation is also +called out. The lady presented advances, the Lord-Lieutenant shakes +hands with her, but does not now kiss her on the cheek; she then makes +him a bow, and bows to his wife, who bows in return. She then retires +back to the door leading into the Long Drawing-room, where her train is +replaced over her arm. She then proceeds to St. Patrick's Hall, or to +the Picture Gallery. + + +=Ladies who attend= the Drawing-room only bow to the Lord-Lieutenant and +his wife; he bows to them, but he does not shake hands with them or kiss +them. In Ireland men invariably accompany their wives to the +Drawing-room, having previously attended the Levée; they pass along the +base of the semi-circle, and make their bows at the same time as do the +ladies. + +When all have been received and have assembled in St. Patrick's Hall, a +procession is formed, the Lord-Lieutenant walking first, followed by his +wife, whose train is carried by pages. The visitors staying at the +Castle follow next, and then the members of the Household, the band +stationed in the gallery playing "God Save the King" the while. All +those present form up in two lines to make a passage for the procession +to pass through, and bow low to His Excellency and his wife as they +pass. + +A supper is not given, only light refreshments of every description. +These refreshments are arranged on long tables on one side of St. +Patrick's Hall, and at the lower end, under the gallery, tables are +placed for tea, coffee, wine, etc. On the opposite side of the hall +red-cushioned seats are placed, and the company promenade in and around +the Picture Gallery and St. Patrick's Hall during the remainder of the +evening. + +Ladies wear full Court dress as at Buckingham Palace, and gentlemen +uniform or Court dress. + + +=Levées.=--Every nobleman or gentleman who proposes to attend a Levée, +and who has not yet been received at the Viceregal Court, must be +introduced by a nobleman or gentleman who has himself been previously +presented thereat. + + +=A Gentleman who proposes= to be presented must send to the Gentleman +Usher's office by five o'clock, two or three days before the Levée, a +card with his name and address, both in town and country, and the name +and address of the gentleman by whom he is to be presented distinctly +written thereon, to be submitted for the Lord-Lieutenant's approval. He +must also obtain two Presentation Cards from the Gentleman Usher's +office, and must take them to the Castle on the day of the Levée, the +one to be given to the official in the Corridor, and the other to be +handed to the Gentleman Usher, who will announce the name to the +Lord-Lieutenant. + +Any gentleman who proposes to attend a Levée, having been previously +presented, must also take two cards with him to the Castle on the day of +the Levée, with his name and address, both in town and country, clearly +written thereon, to be given up as before mentioned. Again, a gentleman +who, having previously attended the Levée, proposes attending the +Drawing-room, is requested to bring with him _one_ card, with his name +distinctly written upon it, to be left in the Corridor. All those +entitled to the private _entrée_ at Dublin Castle, and availing +themselves of the privilege, are permitted to be accompanied only by +their wives and unmarried daughters. + +Gentlemen wear Court dress or naval and military uniforms, or the +uniforms of Lords-Lieutenants of Counties, or of the Royal Irish +Constabulary, etc. The Academical habit cannot be worn except when +presenting an address from a university. Foreign orders and decorations +cannot be worn at the Court of Dublin by British subjects without +special authority under His Majesty's royal licence. + +The right-hand glove should be removed before Presentation. + +Gentlemen who, having previously attended the Levée, are desirous of +accompanying the ladies of their families to the Drawing-room, are +requested to apply to the Chamberlain's office for an Attendance Card, +which should be brought to the Castle on the evening of the Drawing-room +and given up in the Corridor. + +Presentations in London do not count as Presentations at the Viceregal +Court. + + + + +CHAPTER XL + +HOSTESSES + + +=The Art of receiving Guests= is a very subtle one, difficult to +acquire; but when acquired and thoroughly mastered it confers upon a +mistress of a house an enviable reputation--that of being a perfect +hostess. + +With some this is in-bred, and grace and composure and all the attendant +attributes which are to be found in this type of hostess sit naturally +upon them; but the individuals so gifted represent the few rather than +the many. A far greater section of society has to rely upon experience +to teach them this useful accomplishment, while with others time alone +can aid them in overcoming natural reserve, and want of confidence in +themselves, which stand in the way of their assuming this character with +anything like success. Those ladies who are innately thoughtless and +careless in this respect, neither time nor experience can mould, and +what they are at the commencement of their career, they remain to the +end of the chapter--very indifferent hostesses. There are varieties of +hostesses, according to individual capabilities, and who are known +amongst their friends by these appellations: first ranks the perfect or +"charming hostess," either title suits her equally well; next to her +comes the "good hostess," she is followed by the one who is "not a good +hostess"; and the rear is brought up by the one who is decidedly "a bad +hostess." Amongst the salient points which distinguish the perfect or +charming hostess are perhaps, foremost, a certain facility of putting +each individual guest at ease, conveying that the welcome she accords is +a personal if not an especial one. Simultaneously with these agreeable +impressions is conveyed a sense of the hostess's genial qualities; her +charm of manner, her graciousness and her courteous bearing evincing so +plainly that she is entirely mistress of the situation: these qualities +insensibly react upon the guests, and evoke a corresponding desire to +please on their part. + + +=The perfect hostess= possesses yet another advantage, viz. a readiness +of speech, a faculty of saying the right thing at the right moment and +to the right person, and of identifying herself, so to speak, with the +susceptibilities of each of her guests. + + +=The good hostess= is essentially what is known as a considerate +hostess; she makes up for the brighter qualities in which she is lacking +by her extreme consideration for her guests. In the charming hostess +this consideration is eclipsed by her more brilliant powers of pleasing, +it permeates all she does, while in the good hostess it is her strongest +point, and upon which is founded her claim to the name. The lady who +bears the undesirable reputation of being "not a good hostess" is not +"good" in a variety of ways; she means well and does her utmost to +succeed, but by some contrariety of the laws which regulate domestic and +social affairs, the results of her efforts are always the reverse of +what she would have them be. The lady who is not a good hostess +sometimes suffers from shyness and reserve which renders her stiff in +manner when she would most desire to be cordial, silent when she would +be most loquacious, and awkward when she would be at ease. + +As there are many reasons why ladies prove to be good hostesses, so +there are many reasons why they prove bad hostesses, selfishness and +want of consideration for others contribute to these, as do +procrastination and a vague idea of the value of time. Ladies with such +faults and weaknesses as these produce very much the same impression +upon their guests, although, perhaps, one is a little less culpable than +is the other. + + +=The selfish hostess is a bad hostess=, because, providing she is +amused, she is utterly indifferent as to whether her guests are amused +or not, her own pleasure and gratification being of paramount +importance. Instead of being in readiness to receive her guests she +descends late to the drawing-room to welcome them, and is indifferent as +to whether there is any one to greet them or not. + + +=The procrastinating hostess=, although she is equally in fault, yet, as +she hastens to excuse herself, when lacking in politeness to, or +consideration for her guests, her excuses are sometimes admitted; but +the selfish hostess, if she deigns to excuse herself, does so with such +a palpable show of indifference as to her guests' opinion of her +actions, that the excuse is oftener than not an aggravation of the +offence. A lady who has no regard for time goes to her room to dress at +the moment when she should be descending to the drawing-room; or she +remains out driving when she should be returning; or she puts off making +some very important arrangement for the comfort or amusement of her +guests until it is too late for anything but a makeshift to be thought +of, if it has not to be dispensed with altogether. Everything that she +does or projects is on the same scale of procrastination; her +invitations, her orders and engagements, are one and all effected +against time, and neither herself nor her guests gain the value or +satisfaction of the hospitality put forth. The bad hostess walks into +her drawing-room when many of her guests are assembled, either for a +dinner-party or afternoon tea, and shakes hands in an awkward, abashed +manner, almost as if she were an unexpected guest instead of the +mistress of the house. + +The host is not at his ease; he is provoked at having to make excuses +for his wife, and the guests are equally constrained. + +If the host is of a sarcastic turn of mind, he never refrains from +saying something the reverse of amiable to the hostess on her entrance. +"My dear," he will perhaps remark, "you are doubtless not aware that we +have friends dining with us this evening." This remark renders the +guests even more uncomfortable and the hostess less self-possessed, and +this is often the prelude to an inharmonious evening, with a host whose +brow is clouded and a hostess whose manner is abashed. + + +=The mode of receiving guests= is determined by the nature of the +entertainment. A welcome accorded to some two or three hundred guests +cannot be as personal a one as that offered to some ten to thirty +guests. + +Whatever disappointment a hostess may feel she should not allow it to +appear on the surface, and should not be _distrait_ in manner when +shaking hands with her guests. At large or small gatherings +disappointments follow in the course of events, and very few hostesses +can say that they have not experienced this in a larger or smaller +degree at each and all of their entertainments. + + +=At a ball or evening-party= a hostess should receive her guests at the +head of the staircase, and should remain there until the majority, if +not all, of the guests have arrived. + +As the names of the guests are announced the hostess should shake hands +with each, addressing some courteous observation the while, not with a +view of inducing them to linger on the staircase, but rather of inviting +them to enter the ball-room to make way for other guests. + +At a ball given at a country house the hostess should stand at the door +of the ball-room and receive her guests. When the guests have duly +arrived, a hostess at a country-house ball or country-house theatricals +should exert herself to see that all her guests are amused. If she sees +that the young ladies are not dancing she should endeavour to find them +partners. In town she is not required to do this. If the chaperons have +apparently no one to talk to she should introduce one of her own +relatives, if she cannot give much of her own attention to them, and she +should arrange that all her guests are taken in to supper. + + +=At large afternoon "at homes"= the hostess receives her guests at the +open door of the drawing-room, and has little more time to bestow upon +each than at a ball or an "at home." At small afternoon "at homes" she +should receive them in the drawing-room, and should rise and shake hands +with each arrival. + +A hostess should receive her dinner guests in the drawing-room, and +should shake hands with each in the order of arrival. She occasionally +finds it a trying ordeal to sustain conversation between the arrival of +dinner guests and the dinner being served; sometimes this is prolonged +for three-quarters of an hour through the non-appearance of a guest who +must be waited for. A hostess should, although she knows that her dinner +is spoilt by being thus kept back, endeavour to make the time pass as +pleasantly as possible, by rendering the conversation general and by +making the guests acquainted with each other. The hostess who can tide +over these awkward occurrences so that the postponement of dinner from +half to three-quarters of an hour is hardly perceived, proves herself to +be entitled to be considered a good hostess. + + + + +CHAPTER XLI + +THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF LADY PATRONESSES OF PUBLIC BALLS + + +=Ladies are frequently solicited= to allow their names to be placed on +the lists of lady patronesses of charity balls. A ball committee is +desirous of obtaining a list of influential names to lend _éclat_ and +prestige to the ball, and a charity ball often numbers amongst its lady +patronesses the names of many of the leading members of the nobility, +followed by those of the wives of the leading county gentry, or by the +principal residents of a watering-place or county town; but it is +understood, as a rule, that the duty of giving vouchers or tickets for a +charity ball is undertaken by those ladies who are more directly +interested in it, whose husbands are on the committee, who make a point +of annually attending it, and thus are principally concerned in keeping +it select; and although in many counties and in many towns lady +patronesses, members of the nobility, do attend, yet it not unfrequently +happens that out of a long list of great ladies only three or four are +present at a ball. + +The members of the leading nobility and gentry of a neighbourhood +invariably lend their names to local charity balls, and head the list of +patrons and patronesses, but beyond lending their names, and in some +cases sending a subscription of money towards the funds of the charity, +or a present of game towards the supper, they have very little to do +with the ball itself, which is practically in the hands of the local +stewards. The exceptions to this rule are the charity balls held in town +during the season, such as the Royal Caledonian Ball, the Yorkshire, the +Wiltshire, and the Somersetshire Societies' Balls. On these occasions +many of the great ladies give vouchers and attend the balls. + +When ladies consent to become lady patronesses of a ball, they usually +notify to the committee whether they will or will not undertake the duty +of giving vouchers or tickets, as the case may be. Some ball committees +arrange that vouchers are to be given by lady patronesses, to be +subsequently exchanged for tickets, signed and filled in with the name +of the person to whom the ticket is given. The lady patronesses in this +case receive the money charged for the tickets, and forward it to the +committee after the ball, with any tickets that they may not have +disposed of. + +The ladies who exert themselves to sell tickets are generally those who +possess a large acquaintance, whose husbands are members of clubs; +therefore, if any person ought to be tabooed for some good social +reason, the lady patronesses reap the benefit of their husbands' +knowledge, and are thus able to give a polite refusal when tickets are +applied for for persons who are not altogether desirable. + +It is no doubt a difficult and delicate task for the lady patronesses of +a large ball to keep it thoroughly select, and if not very particular +respecting those for whom tickets are granted, a ball, though a full +one, is likely to prove a very mixed affair, if not somewhat +objectionable, by reason of the presence of persons to whom tickets +should never have been granted, on moral if not on social grounds; and +though the funds of a charity may gain considerably by the increase of +numbers, through a general willingness on the part of the committee or +the lady patronesses to grant tickets to every one who may apply for +them, yet such policy is very short-sighted, and is seldom practised by +those who possess any practical knowledge in the matter, as it is fatal +to the reputation of a ball if persons who are objectionable are present +at it. + +In the case of a ticket being applied for for a person of doubtful +antecedents, a lady patroness's best course is to refer the applicant to +the ball committee for tickets or vouchers. + + +=Persons not well received in society=, or who have ostracised +themselves, have a predilection for public balls, and make every effort +to obtain tickets of admission; and in some cases, when a refusal has +been pronounced by the committee of a ball, the committee has been +threatened with legal proceedings. + +Unmarried ladies seldom or ever act as lady patronesses, it not being +considered advisable to place the discretion of granting tickets in +their hands, lest their ignorance of the world should be taken advantage +of. + + +=The lady patronesses of a charity ball= who undertake to give vouchers +or to sell tickets, usually exert themselves to the utmost in inducing +as many of their friends as possible to attend the ball. + +It depends upon the committee of a charity ball whether tickets are +presented or not to the lady patronesses and stewards; but if the funds +of the charity are not at a very low ebb, this is generally done in +recognition of their services. + +The responsibilities of lady patronesses of private subscription balls +are light in comparison with those of public charity balls, as persons +who attend subscription balls are usually on the visiting lists of one +or other of the lady patronesses, while with regard to county balls, +lady patronesses are not usually concerned in the disposal of the +tickets. + + + + +CHAPTER XLII + +PERIODS OF MOURNING + + +=The Various Periods of Mourning= for relatives have within the last few +years been materially shortened, and the change generally accepted; but +as some still prefer to adhere to the longest periods prescribed by +custom, in the present chapter both periods are given, and it entirely +depends upon individual feeling and circumstances which of the two +periods is observed. + +The time-honoured custom of wearing crape has greatly declined, and with +the exception of widows, many do not wear it at all, while others wear +it as a trimming only. + +A slighter change has also taken place in favour of half-mourning +colours, which are now more worn than black and white during the +half-mourning period. + + +=Court Mourning= when enjoined is imperative, the orders respecting +which are minutely given from the Lord Chamberlain's office and +published in the official _Gazette_; but these orders only apply to +persons connected with the Court, or to persons attending Courts, +Levées, State Balls, State Concerts, etc. + +When the order for general mourning is given on the death of any member +of the Royal Family, the order applies to all, although it is optional +whether the general public comply with it or not. + + +=The Longest Period for a Widow's Mourning= is two years. The shorter +period is eighteen months. Formerly crape was worn for one year and +nine months; for the first twelve months the dress was entirely covered +with crape. The newer fashion in widows' mourning is to wear crape as a +trimming only, and to discontinue its wear after six or eight months, +while some few widows do not wear it at all during their mourning, it +being optional wear. + + +=Half-Mourning= in the longer period commences after a year and nine +months, and is worn for three months. In the shorter period +half-mourning may commence after fifteen months, and be continued for +three months. + +The period for wearing the widow's cap and veil is a year and a day. The +veil may be _crêpe lisse_ or _chiffon_ in place of crape. It is now the +fashion for young widows to wear the cap as a head-dress only, while +others do not wear it at all. + +Lawn cuffs and collars are worn during the first year, or for six months +only, or not at all. After the first year white neckbands and white +strings to the bonnet may be worn. Also hats in place of bonnets. +Further touches of white may follow during the next three months. + +After a year gold ornaments may be worn; diamonds earlier. + + +=Widowers= should wear mourning for one year; they usually enter society +after three months. + + +=For a Parent= the period of mourning is twelve months; ten months +black, two months half-mourning, or eight months black and four months +half-mourning. The black may be relieved with touches of white after +three months. Crape is optional; many prefer not to wear it at all, +others as a trimming. + +Diamonds--earrings, brooches; etc.--before gold, at the end of three +months. + + +=For a Son or Daughter= the period of mourning is identical with the +foregoing. + + +=For very Young Children or Infants= the mourning is frequently +shortened by half this period, or even to three months. + + +=For a Stepmother.=--The period of mourning depends upon whether the +stepdaughters reside at home or not, or whether their father has been +long married, or whether their father's second wife has filled the place +of mother to them, in which case the period of mourning would be for +twelve months, otherwise the period is six months--four months black +relieved with touches of white after two months, followed by two months +half-mourning. + + +=For a Brother or Sister= the longest period of mourning is six months, +the shortest period four months. + +During the longest period, viz. six months, black should be worn for +five months, with a little white after two months, half-mourning for one +month. After one month diamonds, pins, and brooches, etc.; gold after +two months. + +During the shortest period, viz. four months, black should be worn for +two months, half-mourning two months. + + +=For a Sister-in-law or a Brother-in-law= the period of mourning was +formerly the same as for a brother or sister, but the four months' +period is now the one usually chosen. + + +=For a Grandparent= the longest period of mourning is six months, the +shortest four months. + +During the longest period black should be worn for three months, +relieved with white after six weeks, half-mourning for three months; +diamonds after one month, gold after six weeks or two months. + +During the shortest period black should be worn for two months, +half-mourning for two months. + +The custom of wearing crape may now be said to have gone out of fashion +as regards etiquette, black being considered adequate mourning, save in +the case of widows. + +The former crape periods were six months for parents and children, three +months for brothers and sisters, three months for grandparents. + + +=For an Uncle or Aunt= the longest period of mourning is three months, +the shortest period six weeks. + +During the longest period black (no crape) should be worn for two +months, half-mourning one month. + +During the shortest period black for three weeks, half-mourning for +three weeks; diamonds after three weeks. + + +=For a Nephew or Niece= the periods of mourning are identical with the +foregoing. + + +=For an Uncle or Aunt by Marriage= the period is six weeks black, or +three weeks black and three weeks half-mourning. + + +=For a Great Uncle or Aunt= the longest period is two months, the +shortest one month. + +During the longest period black for one month, half-mourning for one +month. + +During the shortest period black for one month. + + +=For a First Cousin= the longest period is six weeks, the shortest one +month. + +During the longest period black for three weeks, half-mourning for three +weeks. + +During the shortest period black for one month. + + +=For a Second Cousin= three weeks black. Mourning for a second cousin is +not obligatory, but quite optional, and often not worn. + + +=For a Husband's Relations= the periods of mourning chosen are +invariably the shorter ones. + + +=For a Daughter-in-law or Son-in-law= the periods are now shortened to +six months; four months black and two months half-mourning, or three +months black and three months half-mourning. + + +=For the Parents of a Son-in-law or Daughter-in-law= the period is one +month, black. + + +=For the Parents of a First Wife= a second wife should wear mourning for +one month, black relieved with white. + + +=For a Brother or Sister of a First Wife= a second wife should wear +mourning for three weeks, but this is not obligatory, and depends upon +the intimacy existing between the two families. + + +=Much Latitude is allowed to Men= with regard to the foregoing periods +of mourning. + + +=A Hat-band should be worn= during the whole of each period, but it is +not imperative to wear suits of black longer than half the periods +given, save in the case of widowers. + + +=Servants' Mourning.=--It is customary to give servants mourning on the +death of the head of the house, which should be worn during the period +the members of the family are in mourning. Mourning given to servants +on the death of a son or daughter is quite an optional matter. + + +=Seclusion from Society.=--The question as to how soon persons in +mourning should or should not re-enter society is in some measure an +open one, and is also influenced by the rules that govern the actual +period of mourning adopted. + + +=A Widow is not expected to enter into Society= under three months, and +during that time she should neither accept invitations nor issue them. +Her visiting should be confined to her relations and intimate friends. +After three months she should commence gradually to enter into society, +but balls and dances should be avoided during the first year. + + +=For a Daughter mourning for a Parent= the period of seclusion is six +weeks as far as general society is concerned; but invitations to balls +and dances should not be accepted until after six months. + + +=For a Parent mourning for a Son or Daughter= the period of seclusion is +the same as is that of a daughter for a parent. + + +=For a Brother or Sister= the period of seclusion is three weeks. + + +=For Grandparents= the period of seclusion is from a fortnight to three +weeks. + + +=For an Uncle or Aunt= the period is a fortnight to three weeks. + + +=For all Other Periods of Mourning= seclusion from society is not +considered requisite. + + +=When Persons in Mourning= intend entering again into society, they +should leave cards on their friends and acquaintances as an intimation +that they are equal to paying and receiving calls. + + +=When Cards of Inquiry have been left=, viz. visiting cards with "To +inquire after Mrs. A----" written on the top on right-hand corner of the +cards, they should be returned by cards with "Thanks for kind inquiries" +written upon them (see Chapter III.). + +Until this intimation has been given, society does not venture to +intrude upon the seclusion of those in mourning. + +Relations and intimate friends are exempt from this received rule. + + +=Funerals.=--When a death occurs in a family, as soon as the day and +hour for the funeral are fixed, a member of the family should write to +those relatives and friends it is desired should follow, and should ask +them to attend, unless the date, time, and place of the funeral, and the +train by which to travel to the cemetery, are mentioned in the +newspaper, together with the announcement of the death. + + +=It is a Mistake to suppose that Friends= will offer to attend a +funeral, even if they are aware of the date fixed, as they are naturally +in doubt as to whether the mourners are to include the members of the +family only, or whether friends are to be included also. + + +=In the Country, when a Doctor= has attended a family for some years, it +is usual to invite him to attend the funeral of one of its members. In +town this is seldom done, unless a medical man is the intimate friend of +the family. + +In the country the clergyman of the parish reads the funeral service, +but in town, when the funeral takes place at Kensal Green, Brookwood +Cemetery, or elsewhere, a friend of the family is usually asked to +officiate; in which case it is necessary to make an early application at +the office of the cemetery for the use of the chapel at a particular +hour. + + +=It is customary for Ladies to attend= the funeral of a relative if +disposed to do so, in which case they wear their usual mourning attire, +and follow in their own carriages. + + +=The Doctor's Certificate= as to the cause of death is of primary +importance, and should be obtained at the earliest possible moment. + + +=Memorial Cards should not be sent= on the death of a relative, being +quite out of date as regards fashion and custom. + + +=Wreaths and Crosses= of white flowers are very generally sent by +relatives and friends to a house of mourning the day of the funeral, +unless "No flowers, by request" follows the announcement of the death. + +When the funeral takes place before two o'clock, the friends should be +invited to luncheon. When it takes place in the afternoon, they should +be asked to return to the house for tea or light refreshment. + + + + +CHAPTER XLIII + +ENGAGED + + +It greatly depends upon the views held by parents as to the freedom of +action accorded to a daughter during her engagement. Some entertain the +strictest ideas on this head, and strenuously put them in force. + +By "strict ideas" is meant that an engaged couple, except in the +presence of a chaperon, are never, under any circumstances, permitted to +enjoy a _tête-à-tête_, sit together, walk together, ride together, or +meet during any part of the day. + +Wisdom and common-sense dictate a middle course of action for the +consideration of parents, neither granting too much nor withholding too +much. + + +=The length of an engagement= determines in most instances the degree of +latitude allowed. If it is to last two months, or even less, it is usual +to permit the engaged couple to be much in each other's society. The +circumstances under which this is accomplished depend upon the position +of the parents; if wealthy, and a country house is part of their +possessions, the young lady's father should invite the gentleman engaged +to his daughter on a visit, or one or two visits, during the engagement. + +Or the mother of the bridegroom-elect should invite her future +daughter-in-law to stay with her for ten days or a fortnight. + +Etiquette prescribes that a young lady must be chaperoned by one of her +near relatives at all public places of amusement. + +If an engaged couple move in the same set, they meet frequently at the +houses of mutual friends; they are sent in to dinner together when +dining out. + +To dance with each other at a ball, or dance more than three or four +times in succession, and when not dancing to sit out in tea-rooms and +conservatories, renders an engaged couple conspicuous, and this is +precisely what many mothers are most anxious that their daughters should +avoid being, and would rather that they were over-prudent than that they +should run the gauntlet of general criticism. + + +=The usual course for engaged couples= to take is to go as little into +society as possible during their engagement, and to make the engagement +as brief as circumstances will permit. If from various causes it must of +necessity be a long one, the only alternative for an engaged couple is +to render themselves as little conspicuous in general society as a +mutual understanding will permit. + + +=When an engagement is first announced=, if the families are not +previously acquainted, the father, mother, and relatives of the +bridegroom-elect should call on the father and mother of the bride-elect +at an early date, to make the acquaintance of the bride and her family, +and they should write to the bride-elect expressing their approval of +the engagement. + +The calls should be returned and the letters answered with the least +possible delay. + +The engagement should be announced to relatives and intimate friends by +the mother of the engaged young lady, and if the announcement is to +appear in the papers it should be sent by her. + +The bride should ask the sisters and cousins of the bridegroom to act as +bridesmaids in conjunction with her own sisters and cousins. + +When an engagement is broken off, all letters and presents should be +returned on both sides. + +All wedding presents received by the bride-elect should be likewise +returned to the donors. + +The mother of the bride should announce to all whom it may concern, the +fact that the engagement is at an end. + + + + +CHAPTER XLIV + +SILVER WEDDINGS + + +The German custom of celebrating Silver Weddings has become thoroughly +recognised in this country. It is an interesting custom to celebrate the +first twenty-five years of married life under the poetic title of a +Silver Wedding, but those who can do so must be for many reasons the +few, rather than the many; Royal personages, and distinguished and +prominent ones for instance, and again, those in humbler walks of life +"far from the madding crowd," are also inclined to do so; but the +"crowd" that divides them, formed of different classes and different +sets in society, will hardly avail itself of the opportunity of +celebrating this period of married life. Husbands as a rule dislike the +fuss and parade and prominency it entails, and wives are disinclined to +announce to their friends and acquaintances that they have been married +five and twenty years, and are consequently not so young as they were. + + +=The entertainments given to celebrate a Silver Wedding= are: An +afternoon reception and a dinner-party. A dinner-party followed by an +evening-party. A dinner-party followed by a dance. Or a dinner-party +only, of some twenty or thirty covers. + +The invitations are issued on "at home" cards some three weeks +beforehand, the cards being printed in silver, and the words "Mr. and +Mrs. White at home, To celebrate their Silver Wedding" printed on them, +with day and date, etc. The dinner cards should also be printed in +silver, with the words "Mr. and Mrs. White request the pleasure of Mr. +and Mrs. Black's company at dinner to celebrate their Silver Wedding," +etc. + +For a dance the invitations should be worded "Mr. and Mrs. White at +home, To celebrate their Silver Wedding." "Dancing" printed in the +corner of the card. + + +=Each person invited= is expected to send a present in silver, costly or +trifling as the case may be, whether the invitation is accepted or not. +These presents should be exhibited in the drawing-room on the day of the +Silver Wedding with a card attached to each bearing the name of the +giver. + +At the afternoon reception the husband and wife receive the +congratulations of their friends as they arrive. They enter the tea-room +together almost immediately afterwards followed by those guests who have +arrived. Refreshments are served as at an afternoon wedding tea. (See +page 143.) A large wedding-cake is placed in the centre of the table, +and the wife makes the first cut in it as a bride would do. The health +of the husband and wife is then proposed by one of the guests, drunk in +champagne, and responded to by the husband. + +At the dinner-party the husband and wife go in to dinner together, +followed by their guests, who are sent in according to precedency. The +health of the husband and wife is proposed at dessert and responded to. +A wedding-cake occupies a prominent place on the table, and the +dinner-table decorations consist of white flowers interspersed with +silver. + + +=At the Silver Wedding dance=, the husband and wife dance the first +dance together, and subsequently lead the way into the supper-room +arm-in-arm, and later on their health is proposed by the principal guest +present. + +The wife should wear white and silver, or grey and silver. + +In the country, when a Silver Wedding is celebrated, the festivities +sometimes range over three days, but this only in the case of prominent +and wealthy people; balls, dinners, and school-treats being given, in +which the neighbours, tenants, villagers and servants take part. + + +=Golden Weddings.=--The celebration of a Golden Wedding is rather an +English custom, and one that from circumstances can be but seldom +observed. It denotes that fifty years of married life have passed over +the heads of husband and wife, and is a solemn rather than a festive +epoch. Presents on this occasion are not so generally given, and +children and grandchildren rather than acquaintances make up the circle +of those who offer congratulations. + + + + +CHAPTER XLV + +SUBSCRIPTION DANCES + + +=Subscription= dances are now an established fact, but whether they will +ever really become a rival to the dance proper remains to be seen; yet +as they supply a want felt, and are recognised by society, the +arrangements necessary for carrying them out should be duly noted. + +During the winter months they are a feature in certain sets: +Subscription dances, private Subscription dances and public Subscription +dances, the latter got up for charitable purposes. + +The moderate expenses incurred by giving private Subscription dances +commend them to many, and there are other reasons to account for their +popularity. They are without pretension to being considered smart or +exclusive, and are essentially small and early dances. Fashionable +ball-goers are not expected to attend them. They commence at 9 o'clock +and terminate at 12, light refreshments in lieu of supper are provided, +as at an afternoon "at home." (See p. 153.) A piano band is considered +sufficient for the purpose, and floral decorations are scarcely ever +attempted. The invitations are issued on "at home" cards, with the words +"Subscription Dance" printed in one corner. + + +=Subscription= dances are sometimes invitation dances and sometimes not. +Tickets for these dances are charged for singly or by the series as the +case may be. A certain number of ladies form a committee and agree to +give a certain number of dances, and the expenses are either borne by +the ladies themselves or covered by the sale of the tickets. If +invitation dances, a certain number of invitations are allotted to each +lady. When otherwise, the ladies dispose of the tickets among their +friends. These dances are usually held in a mansion hired for the +purpose, and there are several available in different parts of the West +End, where spacious rooms can be hired on very moderate terms; in some +instances a piano, seats, and other accessories are also included. + + +=Public Subscription= dances are held in public rooms or Town Halls, and +vouchers are given by ladies on the committee previous to tickets being +granted. + +The same etiquette holds good at Subscription dances as at other public +dances. The early hour at which these dances take place recommends them +to some and altogether renders them impossible to others, notably to +those who dine late, and who are not inclined to dance at nine o'clock +or even at ten o'clock, and who rather resent the frugal style of +refreshments offered, and consider that a champagne supper is an +indispensable adjunct to a dance. + +It should be remembered that Subscription dances were first originated +for the amusement of very young people, and it was never expected that +they would compete with the fashionable small dances of the day; their +popularity was a surprise, and if ball-goers are disposed to hold them +in contempt there are others less fashionable and less wealthy who find +them very much to their taste. + +The great difficulty, however, that ladies have to contend with is the +fact that very few men can be induced to attend them, and that those who +do accept invitations or purchase tickets are very young men, who have +their way to make in the world, and are as yet on the lower rungs of +the ladder, and as young ladies are very much in the majority at these +Subscription dances, to dance with partners younger than themselves is +an almost inevitable result for those who are no longer in their teens. + + + + +CHAPTER XLVI + +GIVING PRESENTS + + +As regards presents in general it should be understood that a present +demands a note of thanks in all cases when the thanks cannot be verbally +expressed. The notes to slight acquaintances should be written in the +third person. To friends, in the first person. This applies equally to +presents of game, poultry, fruit, or flowers. Some few people entertain +the erroneous idea that presents of this nature do not require thanks. +This is not only ungracious but raises a doubt in the mind of the giver +as to whether the present sent has been duly received. + + +=Wedding Presents.=--When an engagement has been duly announced to +relatives and friends, and it is understood that it is to be a short +one, wedding presents may be sent until the day before the wedding-day, +and the earlier they are sent the more convenient it is for the bride, +as she is expected to write a note of thanks to each giver. In each case +a letter should be sent with the present expressing the congratulations +and best wishes of the donor, and, if possible, a card with the name of +the giver should be attached to it for identification when the presents +are exhibited. + +The friends of the bridegroom, and unacquainted with the bride, should +send their presents to him, and he should send them to the house of the +bride's mother after having written notes of thanks to the givers. + + +=Christening Presents.=--With regard to christening presents the +godfathers and godmothers are expected to make presents to their +godchild; these should be sent the day before the christening, and +should consist of a silver mug and silver fork and spoon from the +godfathers, while a lace robe or handsome cloak are usual presents from +the godmothers. A present of money from 5_s._ to £1 should be made to +the nurse on the day of the christening when the godparents are +relatives, but oftener than not the sponsors are represented by proxy. + + +=Giving Tips to Servants.=--The tips expected from ladies at the +conclusion of a visit of some days, are: To the head housemaid from +2_s._ 6_d._ to 5_s._ according to the length of the visit. The same to +the butler or single-handed man-servant, and the same to the chauffeur. +Young ladies give less when visiting by themselves. + +The tips expected from gentlemen are: To the butler or footman who +valets them, to the chauffeur if he drives them to and from the station, +to the groom if he takes charge of their hunters, also to the head +housemaid. The tip to the butler or footman who acts as valet is for a +long visit from 5_s._ to 10_s._, and for a short visit from 3_s._ to +5_s._ To the chauffeur 5_s._ in the first case, and from 2_s._ 6_d._ to +5_s._ in the second. To the housemaid, 2_s._ 6_d._ to 5_s._ For tips to +gamekeeper, see p. 223. + +The tips given to hotel servants vary according to the length of the +visit. To the head waiter from 5_s._ to 10_s._ To the second waiter from +2_s._ 6_d._ to 5_s._ To the hall porter, 2_s._ to 3_s._ To the luggage +porter, 1_s._ to 2_s._ To the head housemaid in attendance, 2_s._ 6_d._ +to 4_s._ + + + + +CHAPTER XLVII + +CHRISTENING PARTIES + + +=Christening Parties= may be said to be strictly family gatherings, only +the near relatives of the parents being invited on these occasions. + + +=The Invitations= are given in friendly notes, and are not issued on "at +home" cards. The notice averages from a week to ten days according to +circumstances, meaning the health and strength of the infant's mother. + + +=As a Rule Six Weeks= are allowed to elapse between the birth of the +child and the date of the christening. + + +=The Relatives are either invited= to luncheon after the ceremony, or to +a reception tea, or to a dinner-party to be given the same evening. If a +luncheon is decided upon it generally takes place at 1.30, or earlier, +immediately on the return from the church. The meal usually consists of +hot viands--game or poultry--not substantial joints. Hot and cold +sweets. Fruit to follow. A smart christening cake should occupy the +centre of the table. Champagne, claret, and sherry are given, although +the former is probably the only one of the three drunk on the occasion; +this, when the health of the infant is proposed--the only health which +finds acceptance at these gatherings. + + +=The Guests go in to Luncheon= quite informally, the ladies and hostess +entering first, followed by the men guests and the host. They should be +seated at table by the help of name cards, each lady being placed at the +right hand of a gentleman. The clergyman who performs the ceremony, if a +friend, should sit at the hostess's left hand, and should be asked to +say grace; but in town he seldom joins these family gatherings unless +well acquainted with his parishioners. + + +=A Reception Tea=, when given, is served in the dining-room; but in this +case the guests are received on arrival by the hostess in the +drawing-room, and when all have arrived, she accompanies them to the +tea-room and remains there with them. The maid-servants should pour out +and hand the tea and coffee across the tea-table, but the hostess should +hand the cakes, etc., to her relatives, assisted by the host, if +present. The refreshments consist of the usual variety in confectionery +seen at all smart "at homes," a christening cake being the addition. + + +=Christening Dinner-Parties= closely resemble all other family functions +of this nature, with the exception that the infant's health is drunk at +dessert, and that a christening cake is placed opposite the hostess when +the table is cleared for dessert. + + +=The Christening Ceremony= takes place in the afternoon, usually at +2.30. The relatives on arrival at the church seat themselves in pews or +on chairs near to the font. The godmother holds the infant during the +first part of the service, and then places it on the left arm of the +officiating clergyman. One of the godfathers should name the child in +response to the clergyman's question. If the child is a girl, two +godmothers and one godfather are necessary. If a boy, two godfathers and +one godmother are required. These godparents are usually the intimate +friends of the child's mother. In certain instances the relatives are +chosen for the office of godfather and godmother, but oftener not for +family reasons. + + +=Christening Presents= vary according to means and inclination, and +often comprise gifts of jewellery when the infant is a girl, and money +and silver plate if a boy; silver spoons, forks, mugs, bowls, etc. The +selection is a wide one, and nothing comes amiss, from a robe with fine +lace to a chain and pendant or a jewelled watch. These presents are +usually sent the day previous to that of the christening. + + +=Fees and Tips.=--Only minor fees are given to those assisting at the +ceremony. The officiating priest receives some little gift in old silver +or china, but not of money; if, however, the parents of the child are +wealthy a cheque is sometimes given with a request that he will devote +it to the needs of his parish. + +Tips to the nurse from the child's godparents vary from five shillings +to a sovereign according to individual means. + + + + +INDEX + + + Afternoon "at homes," 151 + + Afternoon dances, 157 + + Afternoon tea, 42 + + Afternoon weddings, 128 + + Amusements at children's parties, 192; + at country-house parties, 215; + at garden-parties, 169 + + "At home" days, 159; + "at homes," 151, 238 + + + Bachelors' Balls, 87 + + Balls, 87; + patronesses of, 239 + + Best man, duties of, 131 + + Bowing, 206 + + Breakfasts, 183 + + Bridal wreath, 141 + + Bride, 131, 133, 140 + + Bridegroom's relatives, 133 + + Bridegroom's responsibilities, 130, 141, 146, 149 + + Bridesmaids, 132; + presents to, 147 + + Bride's relatives, 132 + + Bridge parties, 125, 158; + refreshments at, 126; + teas, 158 + + + Calls, paying, 32; + after entertainments, 113 + + Canoe parties, 189 + + Cards, gentlemen's, 27; + ladies, 19; + memorial, 31; + "P.P.C.," 26 + + Cards, leaving, 19; + after entertainments, 24, 28; + on new-comers, 25; + returning, 23; + routine of leaving, 21, 28; + "to inquire," 26 + + Chaperons, 228 + + Charity Balls, 93 + + Christening luncheons and teas, 262; + parties, 261; + presents, 260, 263 + + Clergy, how to address, 59 + + Cockades, 209 + + Colonial etiquette, 161 + + County Balls, 93 + + Country dinner-parties, 114 + + Country-house visits, 211 + + Court, attending, 73; + presentation at, 73 + + Court dress for gentlemen, 85; + for ladies, 80 + + Cricket-matches, 168 + + + Dances, invitation, 256; + public, 257 + + Débutantes, 228 + + _Dîner à la Russe_, 106 + + Dining out, 100 + + Dinner guests, 101 + + Dinner invitations, 99 + + Dinner-table decorations, 107; + etiquette, 108, 116 + + Drawing-room, retiring to, 111 + + Drawing-rooms at Viceregal Court, Dublin, 229 + + Driving, 203 + + + Engagements, 250; + etiquette of, 251; + presents, 147 + + _Entrée_ at Court, 77 + + Etiquette, 1; + at balls, 91; + at dinner-table, 80, 116; + colonial, 161; + Indian, 164; + in regard to royalty, 61; + of visiting at bachelors' houses, 217; + when travelling abroad, 65 + + Evening parties, 122; + garden-parties, 174 + + + Foreigners of rank, how to address, 57 + + Funerals, 248 + + Funeral wreaths, 249 + + + Gamekeepers, tips to, 223 + + Game licence, 224 + + Garden-parties, 166; + in the evening, 174; + in town, 171 + + Giving presents, 259 + + Going in to luncheon, 180; + to supper, 123, 126 + + Golden weddings, 255 + + Gratuities to servants, 97, 113, 156, 223, 260, 263 + + + Honeymoon, 141 + + Hostesses, 234 + + Hunt Balls, 87, 95 + + Hunt breakfasts, 221 + + Hunting, 219 + + + Indian etiquette, 164 + + Introductions, 6; + correct formula for, 8; + at afternoon calls, 17; + at country-house parties, 11; + at dinner-parties, 9; + at evening parties, 123; + at Public Balls, 12, 90 + + Invitations, 96, 122, 125, 152, 167, 177, 194 + + + Juvenile parties, 190 + + + Ladies in the hunting-field, 219 + + Levée dress, 85 + + Levées, 82; + at Viceregal Court, Dublin, 232; + presentations at, 84; + who may attend, 83 + + Licences, marriage, 128 + + Luncheons, 176 + + + Marriage by banns, 128; + by licence, 128, 148; + fees, 129, 148 + + Memorial cards, 249 + + Menus, 106, 139 + + Military Balls, 87, 95 + + Mourning, 242; + Court, 242 + + + "Not at home," 41 + + + Officers, how to address, 59 + + Opening a ball, 90 + + + Patronesses of Public Balls, 239 + + Pheasant shooting, 222 + + Picnics, 186 + + Plumes in Court dress, 81 + + Politeness, graces of, 4 + + Precedency amongst royalty, 44, 50; + at ball suppers, 91; + at dinner-parties, 49, 105; + of ambassadors and diplomats, 45; + of army and navy, 45; + of baronets and knights, 45, 51; + of bishops, 51; + of clergy, 45, 48; + of esquires, 48; + of ladies, 52; + of legal profession, 45, 48; + of peers, 50; + of widows, 46 + + Presentation at Court, 73; + at foreign Courts, 65; + at levées, 82; + at Viceregal Court, Dublin, 229 + + Presents, christening, 260; + giving, 259; + wedding, 130, 141, 259 + + Public Balls, 87 + + + Receiving guests, 101, 123, 154, 234 + + Refreshments for "at homes," 153; + at bridge parties, 126; + at children's parties, 194 + + Refusing invitations, 200 + + Responsibilities of patronesses, 239 + + Riding, 204 + + Royal guests present, 90, 123 + + Royalty, how to address, 53 + + + Saying grace, 114 + + Sending in to dinner, 103 + + Shaking hands, 225 + + Shooting, 219 + + Signing the register, 134 + + Silver weddings, 253 + + State Balls, 97 + + State mourning, 97 + + Subscription dances, 256 + + Supper, going in to, 123 + + Surnames of peculiar pronunciation, 69 + + + Tea for afternoon callers, 42 + + Titles, how to use in speaking, 53 + + Town garden-parties, 171 + + Trousseau, 141 + + + Undesired introductions, 6 + + + Walking, 202 + + Water parties, 188 + + Wedding cake, 137, 142; + cards, 142; + etiquette, 129; + expenses, 146; + favours, 134; + fees, 129, 148; + golden, 255; + invitations, 129; + luncheon, 137; + of widow, 134; + presents, 130, 141, 259; + receptions, 136, 143; + ring, 130; + service, 131; + silver, 253 + + Widow's wedding, 134 + + Writing invitations, 195 + + +THE END + + + + + PRINTED BY + WILLIAM CLOWES AND SONS, LIMITED, + LONDON AND BECCLES. + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Manners and Rules of Good Society, by Anonymous + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MANNERS AND RULES OF GOOD SOCIETY *** + +***** This file should be named 39040-8.txt or 39040-8.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/3/9/0/4/39040/ + +Produced by Delphine Lettau, Stephen Blundell and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Manners and Rules of Good Society + or Solecisms to be Avoided + +Author: Anonymous + +Release Date: March 3, 2012 [EBook #39040] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1 + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MANNERS AND RULES OF GOOD SOCIETY *** + + + + +Produced by Delphine Lettau, Stephen Blundell and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + +</pre> + + +<div class="trn"><b>Transcriber's Note:</b> Variant spellings remain as printed. +Minor typographical errors have been corrected without note.</div> + +<hr /> + +<div class="center ln2"><big><big>MANNERS AND RULES</big></big><br /> +<small>OF</small><br /> +<big><big>GOOD SOCIETY</big></big></div> + +<hr /> + +<h1 class="ln2">MANNERS AND RULES<br /> +<small><small>OF</small></small><br /> +GOOD SOCIETY</h1> + +<div class="center"><big><big><i>OR SOLECISMS TO BE AVOIDED</i></big></big></div> + +<h2 class="ln2 mb2 mt2"><small>BY A MEMBER<br /> +OF THE ARISTOCRACY</small></h2> + +<div class="center mt2">THIRTY-NINTH EDITION</div> + +<div class="figdev"> +<img src="images/001.png" width="83" height="76" alt="" title="" /> +</div> + +<div class="center ln2">LONDON<br /> +FREDERICK WARNE AND CO.<br /> +AND NEW YORK<br /> +1918<br /> +<small>(<i>All rights reserved</i>)</small></div> + +<hr /> +<div class="center"><small><small>PRINTED IN GREAT BRITAIN</small></small></div> + +<hr /> +<h2>PREFACE</h2> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">"Manners and Rules of Good Society"</span> contains all +the information comprised in the original work, "Manners +and Tone of Good Society," but with considerable additions. +In a volume of this nature it is necessary to make +constant revisions, and this is periodically done to keep +it up to date, that it may be depended upon as being not +only the most reliable, but also the <i>newest book of etiquette</i>.</p> + +<p>A comparison of the number of chapters and their +subjects with those of the early editions would best +demonstrate how the work has grown, not merely in +bulk, but in importance also. This extension has allowed +many subjects to be more exhaustively treated than +heretofore, and it now includes every rule and point that +could possibly be comprehended in its title.</p> + +<p>The work throughout its many editions has commended +itself to the attention of thousands of readers, and it is +hoped the present edition will be received by society in +general with the marked success of its predecessors.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_vii" id="Page_vii">[vii]</a></span></p> +<h2 class="mb2">CONTENTS</h2> + +<div class="center"> +<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" summary=""> +<tr><td class="td3"><small>CHAPTER</small></td><td></td><td class="td2"><small>PAGE</small></td></tr> +<tr><td></td><td class="td1">INTRODUCTORY REMARKS</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_ix">ix</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">I.</td><td class="td1">THE MEANING OF ETIQUETTE</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_1">1</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">II.</td><td class="td1">INTRODUCTIONS</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_6">6</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">III.</td><td class="td1">LEAVING CARDS</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_19">19</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">IV.</td><td class="td1">PAYING CALLS</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_32">32</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">V.</td><td class="td1">PRECEDENCY</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_44">44</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">VI.</td><td class="td1">THE COLLOQUIAL APPLICATION OF TITLES</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_53">53</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">VII.</td><td class="td1">POINTS OF ETIQUETTE AS REGARDS ROYAL PERSONAGES</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_61">61</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">VIII.</td><td class="td1">POINTS OF ETIQUETTE WHEN TRAVELLING ABROAD, AND PRESENTATIONS AT FOREIGN COURTS</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_65">65</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">IX.</td><td class="td1">THE RECEIVED MODE OF PRONOUNCING CERTAIN SURNAMES</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_68">68</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">X.</td><td class="td1">PRESENTATIONS AT COURTS AND ATTENDING COURTS</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_73">73</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XI.</td><td class="td1">PRESENTATIONS AT LEVÉES AND ATTENDING LEVÉES</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_82">82</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XII.</td><td class="td1">BALLS AND STATE BALLS</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_87">87</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XIII.</td><td class="td1">DINNER GIVING AND DINING OUT</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_99">99</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XIV.</td><td class="td1">DINNER-TABLE ETIQUETTE</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_116">116</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XV.</td><td class="td1">EVENING PARTIES</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_122">122</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XVI.</td><td class="td1">WEDDINGS AND WEDDING LUNCHEONS</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_128">128</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XVII.</td><td class="td1">WEDDING RECEPTIONS</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_143">143</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XVIII.</td><td class="td1">WEDDING EXPENSES</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_146">146</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XIX.</td><td class="td1">AFTERNOON "AT HOMES"</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_151">151</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XX.</td><td class="td1">"AT HOME" DAYS</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_159">159</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XXI.</td><td class="td1">COLONIAL ETIQUETTE</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_161">161</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XXII.</td><td class="td1">INDIAN ETIQUETTE</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_164">164</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XXIII.</td><td class="td1">GARDEN-PARTIES</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_166">166</a><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_viii" id="Page_viii">[viii]</a></span></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XXIV.</td><td class="td1">TOWN GARDEN-PARTIES</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_171">171</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XXV.</td><td class="td1">EVENING GARDEN-PARTIES</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_174">174</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XXVI.</td><td class="td1">LUNCHEONS</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_176">176</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XXVII.</td><td class="td1">BREAKFASTS</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_183">183</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XXVIII.</td><td class="td1">PICNICS AND WATER-PARTIES</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_186">186</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XXIX.</td><td class="td1">JUVENILE PARTIES</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_190">190</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XXX.</td><td class="td1">WRITTEN INVITATIONS</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_195">195</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XXXI.</td><td class="td1">REFUSING INVITATIONS</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_200">200</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XXXII.</td><td class="td1">WALKING, DRIVING, AND RIDING</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_202">202</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XXXIII.</td><td class="td1">BOWING</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_206">206</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XXXIV.</td><td class="td1">THE COCKADE</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_209">209</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XXXV.</td><td class="td1">COUNTRY-HOUSE VISITS</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_211">211</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XXXVI.</td><td class="td1">HUNTING AND SHOOTING</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_219">219</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XXXVII.</td><td class="td1">SHAKING HANDS</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_225">225</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XXXVIII.</td><td class="td1">CHAPERONS AND DÉBUTANTES</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_228">228</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XXXIX.</td><td class="td1">PRESENTATIONS AT THE VICEREGAL COURT, DUBLIN CASTLE</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_229">229</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XL.</td><td class="td1">HOSTESSES</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_234">234</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XLI.</td><td class="td1">THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF LADY PATRONESSES OF PUBLIC BALLS</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_239">239</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XLII.</td><td class="td1">PERIODS OF MOURNING</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_242">242</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XLIII.</td><td class="td1">ENGAGED</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_250">250</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XLIV.</td><td class="td1">SILVER WEDDINGS</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_253">253</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XLV.</td><td class="td1">SUBSCRIPTION DANCES</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_256">256</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XLVI.</td><td class="td1">GIVING PRESENTS</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_259">259</a></td></tr> +<tr><td class="td3">XLVII.</td><td class="td1">CHRISTENING PARTIES</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_261">261</a></td></tr> +<tr><td></td><td class="td1">INDEX</td><td class="td2"><a href="#Page_265">265</a></td></tr> +</table></div> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_ix" id="Page_ix">[ix]</a></span></p> +<h2 class="mb2">INTRODUCTORY REMARKS</h2> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">The</span> title of this work sufficiently indicates the nature of +its contents. The Usages of Good Society relate not only +to good manners and to good breeding, but also to the +proper etiquette to be observed on every occasion.</p> + +<p>Not only are certain rules laid down, and minutely +explained, but the most comprehensive instructions are +given in each chapter respecting every form or phase of +the subject under discussion that it may be clearly understood +what <i>is</i> done, or what is <i>not</i> done, in good society, +and also how what <i>is</i> done in good society should be done. +It is precisely this knowledge that gives to men and women +the consciousness of feeling thoroughly at ease in whatever +sphere they may happen to move, and causes them to be +considered well bred by all with whom they may come +in contact.</p> + +<p>A solecism may be perhaps in itself but a trifling +matter, but in the eyes of society at large it assumes +proportions of a magnified aspect, and reflects most disadvantageously +upon the one by whom it is committed;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_x" id="Page_x">[x]</a></span> +the direct inference being, that to be guilty of a solecism +argues the offender to be unused to society, and consequently +not on an equal footing with it. This society +resents, and is not slow in making its disapproval felt by +its demeanour towards the offender.</p> + +<p>Tact and innate refinement, though of the greatest +assistance to one unused to society, do not suffice of themselves; +and although counting for much, cannot supply +the want of the actual knowledge of what is customary in +society. Where tact and innate refinement do not exist—and +this is not seldom the case, as they are gifts bestowed +upon the few rather than upon the many—then a thorough +acquaintance with the social observances in force in society +becomes more than ever necessary, and especially to those +who, socially speaking, are desirous of making their way +in the world.</p> + +<p>Those individuals who have led secluded or isolated +lives, or who have hitherto moved in other spheres than +those wherein well-bred people move, will gather all the +information necessary from these pages to render them +thoroughly conversant with the manners and amenities of +society.</p> + +<p>This work will be found of equal service to both +men and women, as in each chapter the points of social +etiquette to be observed by both sexes have been fully +considered.</p> + +<p>Those having the charge of young ladies previous to +their introduction into society, either mothers, chaperons,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_xi" id="Page_xi">[xi]</a></span> +or governesses, will also derive much useful and practical +information from the perusal of this work, while to those +thoroughly versed in the usages of society it cannot fail +to commend itself, containing as it does many useful and +valuable hints on social questions.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_1" id="Page_1">[1]</a></span></p> +<h1>MANNERS AND RULES OF<br />GOOD SOCIETY</h1> + +<h2 class="mt2">CHAPTER I</h2> + +<h3>THE MEANING OF ETIQUETTE</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">What</span> is etiquette, and what does the word convey? It +is a poor one in itself, and falls very far short of its wide +application. It has an old-fashioned ring about it, savouring +of stiffness, primness, and punctiliousness, which renders +it distasteful to many possessing advanced ideas; and yet +the word etiquette is not so very old either, as Johnson did +not include it in his dictionary, and Walker apologises for +introducing it into his, and according to the authorities he +quotes, it is supposed to be derived from stichos, stichus, +stichetus, sticketta, and from thence to etiquette. But +whether derived from the Latin or the French—and many +incline to the latter opinion—there is no doubt that could a +new word be found to replace this much abused one, it +would be a welcome addition to our vocabulary. The +word has unfortunately become associated in our minds +with forms, ceremonies, and observances, in an exaggerated +degree; and it has been so constantly misused and misinterpreted +and misunderstood that ridicule and contempt +have been most unjustly and unfairly thrown upon it. The<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_2" id="Page_2">[2]</a></span> +true meaning of etiquette can hardly be described in +dictionary parlance; it embraces the whole gamut of good +manners, good breeding, and true politeness. One of the +reasons which have no doubt contributed to bring the word +"etiquette" into disrepute, is the manner in which the +subject has been handled by incompetent people, who, +having but a very hazy and obscure knowledge, if any +knowledge at all, yet profess to write guides to polite +manners—rambling and incoherent guides, which not only +provoke a smile from those better informed, but mislead +and bewilder any one rash enough to consult them, without +previous inquiry as to whether they are safe to follow. A +little caution on this head would insure the most correct +and reliable work being secured amongst so much that is +unreliable. Some people read everything that is written on +the subject of etiquette, not only those who are ignorant +and wish to learn something of its laws, but those who are +thoroughly well versed in them and who, one might suppose, +had nothing to learn; still these latter like to see what is +written, to feel the satisfaction of being supported in their +own knowledge by a well-informed writer; or of finding +amusement in the absurdities gravely advanced by some +one writing from another sphere than that where <i>savoir vivre</i> +reigns. Others attach a very narrow meaning to the word +etiquette, and neither accept it nor understand it in its true +sense; they have an idea that its rules influence and govern +society in general. Rules of etiquette are from their point +of view but trammels and shackles; let them be cast off or +burst through, say they; let every one do as he likes; let all +behave as they like; we are in a free country, why should +we not wipe our mouths upon the table-cloth if we please? +Others again, devour books of etiquette on the quiet; they +are very much in want of instruction as every one knows, +but they have not the courage to confess that they are +awake of this want, and are trying to pick up some knowledge +of this kind to be useful to them; as their aim is to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_3" id="Page_3">[3]</a></span> +rise in the social scale, they would not let their friends +know for worlds about this new study, but they know +it, and find that they have improved, that they do not +commit as many <i>gaucheries</i> as heretofore; still, they have +caught the letter rather than the spirit of etiquette, they +have read the rules it prescribes, and act up to them as far +as their memories serve them; but they have failed in one +essential particular of understanding that courtesy, consideration +towards others, and unselfishness, are the sources of +true politeness from which etiquette springs.</p> + +<p>There is an idea amongst some few people who have +mixed little in the world, and moved but in one fixed +groove, that the more exalted the sphere, the more perfect +the manners. It is needless to attempt to refute such a +fallacy as this, for examples of the most perfect manner +are to be met with not only amongst those who can boast +of long lineage and high birth, but also amongst those who +lay claim to neither.</p> + +<p>Our present code of etiquette is constructed upon the +refinement, polish, and culture of years, of centuries. Wealth +and luxury, and contact with all that is beautiful in art +and nature, have in all ages exercised a powerful influence +on the manners of men; we do not say on the times, as +unfortunately these advantages did not reach down to the +many but were confined to the strictly few; but in these +modern days the many have come, and still come, within +the charmed circle; the ring broadens, ever widens; it is +not now as in olden days that "their lot forbade." On +the contrary, the possession of wealth or of talent is the +open sesame to the most refined and cultured circles. +The word etiquette is too narrow for all it embraces; +it must be viewed in a double light, and be taken from +a moral point as well as from a conventional one. A +kindly nature, and an unselfish spirit are never wanting +in true politeness, but the conventionalities of society give +the finish and completeness to the whole, the colour, as<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_4" id="Page_4">[4]</a></span> +it were, to the picture. In some the conventional spirit +is uppermost and they have at best but a surface polish. +In others the kindly feelings of the heart are allowed full +play, and no act of genuine politeness is omitted or left +undone in their intercourse with their fellows, and these +graces of kindly politeness linger in the memory, trivial +though they may have been, years after one has lost sight +of this true gentleman or thorough lady, and one says of +him, "What a charming man he was, how courteous and +considerate, and how kind!" and of her, "She was the +sweetest and prettiest-mannered woman I ever met."</p> + +<p>It is only given to the very few to be thoroughly and +unaffectedly charming without a shadow of self-consciousness +or effort. To assume a would-be charming manner +for the moment, with the desire to be unusually pleasing +to some one in particular, does not confer the enviable +reputation of having a charming manner. It does not sit +easy enough to be altogether natural; it conveys the idea +of being put on for the occasion, and, like all other imitations, +it hardly ever pleases and seldom deceives. Etiquette +and true politeness would have us go further than this, +and our manners of to-day should be our manners of +to-morrow, and not variable according to place and +persons. The world is quick to note these uncertain +demeanours, and every one's measure is readily taken and +retained.</p> + +<p>The rules of etiquette are indispensable to the smooth +working of society at large. Take, for example, the +etiquette of precedency, in force both in public and in +private: on every public occasion, and in every private +circle, precedency steps in to render assistance, and is as +necessary in the smallest private circle as in the largest +public gathering, because it assigns to every one his or her +place as far as claim can be laid to place. Mistakes in the +matter of precedency are not only committed by those who +have enjoyed few social advantages, but by those also who<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_5" id="Page_5">[5]</a></span> +have had everything in their favour. Young ladies, for +instance, when married from the schoolroom, as it were, +often make grave mistakes on the question of precedency, +if they do not ignore it altogether.</p> + +<p>The etiquette of card-leaving and that of paying calls +are indisputably necessary and only the very ignorant +would attempt to gainsay their utility; without these aids +to order and method all intercourse between friends and +acquaintances would be uncertain and chaotic; as it is +there is little excuse when the right thing is not done, and +any departure from the simple rules laid down on these +heads, is the best possible proof of the standing, position, +and associations of the one at fault.</p> + +<p>Any one point of etiquette if brought to the bar of +common-sense would be pronounced reasonable, proper, +and sensible; and there is strictly speaking no question of +etiquette that cannot be thus judged and upon which a +like verdict would not be given. There is no one rule of +etiquette that can be described as absurd or ridiculous, +arbitrary or tyrannical, and taken collectively the rules are +but social obligations due from one person to another. +Why should we not be a well-mannered people? Why +should we not be refined, cultivated, and polished in our +demeanour and bearing? Why should we not seek to +charm if we can? Why should we not cultivate and +encourage in ourselves consideration, thoughtfulness, and +graciousness towards others in the smallest details of daily +life?</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_6" id="Page_6">[6]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER II</h2> + +<h3>INTRODUCTIONS</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">There</span> are ceremonious introductions and unceremonious +introductions, premeditated introductions and unpremeditated +introductions; but, in all cases, introductions should +never be indiscriminately made—that is to say, without +a previous knowledge on the part of those making them +as to whether the persons thus introduced will be likely to +appreciate each other, or the reverse, or unless they have +expressed a desire to become acquainted. For instance, a +lady should not introduce two of her acquaintances residing +in a country town or watering-place, moving in different +circles, unless they have each expressed such a desire.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>An Undesired Introduction</big></b>, if made, compels the +one to whom it is the most unwelcome, to treat the other +with marked coldness, or to continue an acquaintance that +is distasteful.</p> + +<p>Should the slightest doubt exist as to how an introduction +will be received—whether the meditated introduction +is a spontaneous desire on the part of a lady or gentleman, +or whether one person expressed a wish to make the acquaintance +of another person and expressed that wish to a +mutual friend—the received rule is to consult the wishes of +both persons on the subject before making the introduction.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When a Difference of Rank</big></b> exists between two +persons, it would be sufficient to ascertain the wishes of the +person of highest rank alone.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_7" id="Page_7">[7]</a></span></p> + +<p>A person about to make an introduction, should say +to the one lady, but not in the hearing of the other, +"Mrs. A——, may I introduce Mrs. B—— to you?" +or some such formula, according to the degree of intimacy +existing between herself and Mrs. A. (See "The Art of +Conversing.")</p> + +<p>When two ladies are of equal rank, the wishes of the +person with whom the person making the introduction is +least intimate should be consulted.</p> + +<p>In the case of one person having expressed a wish to +make the acquaintance of another, there remains but the +wishes of one person to ascertain.</p> + +<p>Acquiescence having been given, the introduction should +be made.</p> + +<p>In making an introduction, the lady of lowest rank +should be introduced to the lady of highest rank; in no +case should the lady of highest rank be introduced to the +lady of lowest rank. This point of etiquette should always +be strictly observed.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A Gentleman should always be introduced to +a Lady</big></b>, whatever his rank may be, without reference to +her rank, whatever it may be. This rule is invariable, and +is based upon the privilege of the sex—"<i>place aux dames</i>."</p> + +<p>It is not usual to ascertain a gentleman's wishes as to +whether he will be introduced to a lady or not, although at +a ball it is usual to do so when the introduction is made +for a special object, viz., that of obtaining a partner for a +lady; and as a gentleman may be either unable or unwilling +to ask the lady to dance, it is incumbent to ascertain beforehand +whether the introduction is desired or not, otherwise +the introduction would be of no avail for the purpose, and +prove a disappointment to the lady.</p> + +<p>"Would you like to be introduced to Miss A——?" or +some such polite phrase (see "The Art of Conversing"), is +the sort of formula by which to ascertain a gentleman's<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_8" id="Page_8">[8]</a></span> +wishes as to an introduction in the ball-room; as ball-room +introductions are understood to mean an intention on the +part of a gentleman to ask a lady to dance or to take her in +to supper.</p> + +<p>In general society, gentlemen are supposed to seek, +rather than to avoid the acquaintance of ladies, irrespective +of whatever sets in society to which they belong. It is +immaterial to a gentleman in which set in society his +acquaintances move, and he can be polite to all without +offending any in their several circles.</p> + +<p>With regard to his own sex a gentleman is generally as +exclusive as to the acquaintanceships which he forms, as +is a lady with regard to the acquaintanceships which she +forms. Reciprocity of taste is the basis on which acquaintanceships +between men are established, subject, in a certain +measure, to social position; though this rule is itself subject +to wide exceptions.</p> + +<p>It is the rule for a gentleman to ask a mutual friend, or +an acquaintance, for an introduction to a lady, and it is the +received rule to do so when a gentleman desires to be introduced +to any lady in particular; but gentlemen do not ask +to be introduced to each other, unless some special reason +exists for so doing—some reason that would commend itself +to the person whose acquaintance was desired, as well as to +the person making the introduction; otherwise, such a wish +would appear to be either puerile or sycophantic, thus the +request might meet with a refusal, and the proffered +acquaintanceship be declined.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When Introductions are made between Ladies</big></b>, +an unmarried lady should be introduced to a married lady, +unless the unmarried lady is of a higher rank than the +married lady, when the rule is reversed.</p> + +<p>The correct formula in use when making introductions +is "Mrs. X——, Lady Z.," thus mentioning the name of the +lady of lowest rank first, as she is the person introduced to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_9" id="Page_9">[9]</a></span> +the lady of highest rank. "Mrs. X——, Lady Z.," is all +that need be said on the occasion by the person making +the introduction. When the ladies are of equal rank it is +immaterial which name is mentioned first; but there generally +exists sufficient difference in the social position of the +two ladies to give a slight distinction in favour of the one +or of the other, which the person making the introduction +should take into consideration.</p> + +<p>When the introduction has been made, the ladies should +bow to each other, and either lady should make a slight +remark.</p> + +<p>It is not usual for ladies on being first introduced to +each other to shake hands, but only to bow; but there are +very many exceptions to this rule.</p> + +<p>When one lady is of higher rank than the other, should +she offer to shake hands, it would be a compliment and a +mark of friendliness on her part.</p> + +<p>When a person introduces two intimate friends of his or +hers to each other, they would be expected to shake hands, +instead of bowing only.</p> + +<p>The relations of an engaged couple should, on being +introduced, shake hands with both bride and bridegroom +elect, as should the intimate friends of an engaged couple; +as also should the relations of the two families on being +introduced to each other.</p> + +<p>It is the privilege of the lady to be the first to offer to +shake hands, in every case, when a gentleman is introduced +to her.</p> + +<p>A lady should shake hands with every one introduced to +her in her own house—that is to say, whether the person is +brought by a mutual friend, or is present by invitation +obtained through a mutual friend.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>At Dinner-parties</big></b>, both small and large, the hostess +should use her own discretion as to the introductions she +thinks proper to make. It is not customary to make<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_10" id="Page_10">[10]</a></span> +general introductions at a dinner-party; but in sending +guests down to dinner, who are strangers to each other, +the host or hostess should introduce the gentleman to the +lady whom he is to take down to dinner. It would be +quite unnecessary to ask the lady's permission before doing +so. It would be sufficient to make the introduction a few +moments before dinner was announced, and the usual formula +is, "Mrs. A., Mr. B. will take you in to dinner." A +bow is the recognition of this introduction.</p> + +<p>When the majority at a dinner-party are strangers to +each other, a host or hostess should introduce one or two +of the principal guests to each other, when time allows of +its being done before dinner is served; such introductions +are oftener made at country dinner-parties than at town +dinner-parties.</p> + +<p>A hostess should, in some instances, introduce ladies +to each other in the drawing-room after dinner if the +opportunity offers, and she considers it advisable to do so.</p> + +<p>As a rule, a host seldom introduces gentlemen to each +other in the dining-room after dinner, as they address each +other as a matter of course on such occasions.</p> + +<p>A hostess should introduce her principal guests to each +other, at five-o'clock teas, garden-parties, small "at homes," +etc.—that is to say, gentlemen to ladies—for the purpose +of their taking the ladies to the tea-room. In this case +also, the introduction should be made without previously +consulting the lady; and a gentleman, knowing the reason +of the introduction, should at once proffer the expected +civility.</p> + +<p>At these gatherings a hostess should use her own discretion +as to any general introductions she thinks proper +to make, and should introduce any gentleman to any lady +without previously consulting the lady if she thinks the +introduction will prove agreeable to her.</p> + +<p>When introducing ladies to each other, she should +give married ladies, and ladies of rank, the option of the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_11" id="Page_11">[11]</a></span> +introduction; but should introduce young unmarried ladies +to each other if she thinks proper.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When Callers arrive simultaneously</big></b>, the hostess +should introduce them directly or indirectly to each other, +if there is no social reason to the contrary.</p> + +<p>When a hostess is aware that her visitors do not desire +each other's acquaintanceship, or, if she considers that the +introduction is not altogether a suitable one, agreeable to +both persons, she should not make it, but converse with +each visitor in turn, at the same time not allowing the +conversation to become too general.</p> + +<p>At large gatherings, persons desirous of avoiding each +other's acquaintanceship, could be present at the house of +a mutual acquaintance without coming into direct contact +with one another, providing the host and hostess possessed +sufficient tact and discretion not to attempt to effect a +<i>rapprochement</i> between them.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>At Country-house Parties</big></b>, the hostess should introduce +the principal ladies to one another on the first day of +their arrival; but if it is a large party, introductions should +not be generally made, but should be made according to the +judgment of the hostess. The fact of persons being guests +in the same house constitutes in itself an introduction, and +it rests with the guests thus brought together whether the +acquaintanceship ripens into subsequent intimacy or not.</p> + +<p>The same remark applies in a degree to afternoon teas +and "at homes." The guests converse with each other if +inclined to do so. The act of so conversing would not +constitute an acquaintanceship, although it might, under +some circumstances, establish a bowing acquaintanceship, +especially between gentlemen.</p> + +<p>Ladies should not bow to each other after only exchanging +a few remarks at afternoon tea, or at a garden-party, +unless there were some particular social link between them<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_12" id="Page_12">[12]</a></span> +to warrant their so doing, in which case the lady of highest +rank should take the initiative.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Introductions at Public Balls.</big></b>—It is erroneous to +suppose that it is the duty of stewards to make introductions +at public balls; it is the exception, and not the +rule, for stewards to introduce persons to each other who +are strangers to themselves.</p> + +<p>Society objects, and the stewards object, to making +promiscuous introductions, on the following grounds: first, +as regards the chaperon, whether mother or relative, who +has the charge of a young lady; then as regards a young +lady herself; and last, but not least, as regards the position +occupied by the steward himself. A chaperon naturally +looks and feels displeased when a steward who is a stranger +to herself offers to introduce a man who is evidently a +stranger to him, which fact she gathers by his saying, "This +gentleman wishes to be introduced to your daughter," or +by his asking the stranger his name before making the +introduction. A chaperon is responsible for the acquaintances +a young lady forms while under her charge at a ball, +and if amongst her own friends and acquaintances she +cannot find partners for her, she would prefer that she +spent a comparatively dull evening than that she should +run the risk of forming undesirable acquaintances.</p> + +<p>Young ladies have not always the discretion possessed +by their elders, or sufficient knowledge of the world to do +the right thing. Thus, some young ladies would either coldly +decline the introductions, or if the introductions were made, +would as coldly decline to dance, whilst others, anxious to +dance, would accept both the introductions and the partners, +and take their chance as to whether their brothers would +like to see them dancing with strangers thus introduced. +A steward himself particularly dislikes to be made responsible +for a man he does not know; and whether a chaperon +and a young lady are old friends of his, or whether they<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_13" id="Page_13">[13]</a></span> +are merely new acquaintances, they equally trust to his not +introducing men to them whom they would not care to +know, and of whom he knows nothing save that they have +solicited an introduction to them.</p> + +<p>Very few stewards care to accost a lady whom they +merely know by sight and by name for the purpose of +introducing a stranger; they prefer to decline to make the +introduction, on the plea of not having the honour of the +lady's acquaintance.</p> + +<p>Stewards consider that the position of a young man +must be a peculiar one, and his presence at a ball somewhat +of an anomaly, if he does not possess an acquaintance in the +room, through whom he can become known to one or other +of the stewards, or through whom he can be introduced +to any particular lady with whom he may desire to dance.</p> + +<p>When a gentleman is introduced to a young lady at a +public ball, it generally means that he is introduced to her +as a partner, and that though he may not ask her for the +next dance, he will for a subsequent one, or that he will +at least offer to take her in to supper, or, if earlier in the +evening, to give her some tea, or if she declines these +civilities, that he will continue a conversation with her until +the next dance commences, or until a dance is over. When +a gentleman does neither of these things, but walks away +as soon as the introduction is made, it is a proof how little +he desired it, and that doubtless the option was not given +him of refusing it.</p> + +<p>Good-natured friends of both sexes know how difficult +it is to get partners for well-dressed, well-mannered, good-looking +girls at a ball, unless they are more than ordinarily +attractive in some way or other, in which case they are +popular and sought after, and the only difficulty rests with +the young ladies themselves as to how they shall best apportion +the dances so as to satisfy their numerous partners, or +persuade their chaperons to stay for one more dance which +they have promised to, etc.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_14" id="Page_14">[14]</a></span></p> + +<p>It is a well-known fact in the ball-going world that the +majority of young men insist upon being introduced to the +most popular girls in a ball-room, and refuse being introduced +to one who does not appear to have plenty of partners.</p> + +<p>Public balls are in reality made up of a number of +small parties and different sets, each set or party being +entirely independent of the other.</p> + +<p>At county balls the county people take large house-parties, +and each house-party does or does not mingle with +other house-parties, according to standing or inclination.</p> + +<p>If three large house-parties join forces at a ball they +form a very imposing majority; but there are other sets +in the same ball-room, dancing to the same band and +adjourning to the same supper-room, equally apart and +equally distinct.</p> + +<p>At balls held at watering-places, although the residents +do not take large house-parties, yet they join forces with +those residents with whom they are acquainted, reinforced +by friends who come down purposely to be present at the +ball. Thus, on the face of it, a steward's introductions +cannot fail to be ill-received, in whatever set he may be +coerced into making them; and it is well understood that +introductions, to prove acceptable, should only be made +through friends and acquaintances, and even then with tact +and judgment.</p> + +<p>As the stewards of a ball are usually the most influential +gentlemen in the place, it naturally follows that they are +acquainted with many, if not with all, of the principal +people present, therefore when they make introductions it +is not by virtue of their office, but simply as a matter of +friendship, and through being personally acquainted with +those introduced by them.</p> + +<p>Introductions out of doors are rather a matter of inclination +than not, as, for instance, when a lady is walking +with another lady to whom she is on a visit she should +introduce any friends to her hostess she might happen to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_15" id="Page_15">[15]</a></span> +meet, and her hostess should do likewise if time and +opportunity offer for so doing; should any reason exist +for not making an introduction on the part of either lady, +it should be explained when they are again alone, as were +either of the ladies to exclude the other from the conversation +it would be considered discourteous towards the one +excluded. When two ladies accidentally meet when out +walking, and are subsequently joined by two or more ladies, +introductions should not be made by either of the ladies, +unless some special reason exists for so doing. A lady, as +a rule, should not introduce gentlemen to each other unless +one of them is her host, when it would be correct to do so.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>How to act on the Occasion of an Introduction</big></b> is +determined almost entirely upon the reason for its being +made, and by whom and to whom the person is introduced. +Even the <i>locale</i> has something to do with it, and thus a +variety of issues are raised, upon which an instantaneous +judgment has to be given. The mind has to travel with +lightning rapidity over the ground to arrive at a correct +course of action; but the mind does not always respond to +the call made upon it: it hesitates, and acts not upon the +outcome of reflection, but upon the spur of the moment.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Received Rule is not to shake hands</big></b>, but +merely to bow on being introduced; but this rule under certain +circumstances would not meet the case; it would disappoint +the one introducing and the one introduced. For instance +if a relative of the former is the person introduced a bow +would be a very chilling response to the introduction made; +to shake hands, on the contrary, would be the correct thing +to do, and both persons should offer at the same moment +this cordial recognition. On the other hand, if a casual +introduction is made without any premeditation, and those +introduced are totally unknown to each other, an exchange +of bows is all that is required of them.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_16" id="Page_16">[16]</a></span></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Amongst the Exceptions for not merely bowing</big></b> +on being introduced are the introductions made between +young ladies and elderly ones, and between young ladies +themselves. An elderly lady, as a general rule, shakes +hands with a girl introduced to her with the idea of being +cordial and kind, not to say condescending, and girls +generally shake hands with each other in place of bowing, +as acquaintanceships formed by them have not the importance +that attaches to those of older ladies; besides, a greater +readiness to make friends is the privilege and characteristic +of youth.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Men take very much the Same View</big></b> as regards +introductions as do women—that is to say, if an introduction +is made by a relative of the man introduced, the men would +shake hands and not merely bow. This holds equally good +where intimate friends are concerned: they almost rank on +the footing of relations, and a cordial reception is given to +an introduction thus made. When casual introductions are +made of necessity rather than of intention men do not +shake hands. When "I think you have met A." or "I +think you know Mr. A." is said—the one by a host and +the other by a hostess—nothing further is required from +either than a bow and a smile of acquiescence accepting the +introduction and a disclaimer is not expected if "Mr. A." is +not actually known. The uncertainty is an excuse for +making the introduction.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Ladies do not rise from their Seats on being introduced +either at an "At Home"</big></b> or before dinner is +announced, or after dinner, or when calling when people are +introduced to them, or when they themselves are introduced. +Half an exception occurs, it is true, at crowded "at homes," +when to rise and talk to the lady introduced is almost a +necessity: there is no vacant seat for her to take, and, +therefore, if both do not stand, conversation is at a deadlock,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_17" id="Page_17">[17]</a></span> +as the few first conventional remarks made by either are +lost in the general buzz going on around; also, it is awkward +and ungraceful for a lady to bend over one seated for the +purpose of saying a few platitudes. "Introductory remarks," +or remarks following upon introductions, have too often a +melancholy ring of commonplaceness about them and are +distinctly trite. How can they be otherwise? To venture +out of the commonplace into originality would be suspicious +of eccentricity, and no one wishes to be considered a little +odd.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Before and after Dinner, when Introductions are +made</big></b> between ladies it is to those seated near to each +other, and, therefore, there would be no occasion to rise, as +there might be at an "at home." There is no question of a +lady rising from her seat when a man is introduced to her, +unless that man is her host, when she should rise and shake +hands with him, or a clerical dignity—a bishop for instance, +if opportunity allows of it, and on a semi-official occasion. +This question does not trouble men, as they are usually +found standing, or they are brought up to a person to be +introduced, and even if a man ventures upon sitting down +at an "at home," or before dinner is announced, he springs +to his feet with alacrity when any approach is made in the +matter of introducing him to a fellow guest.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Introductions often have to be made at Afternoon +Calls</big></b>, supposing that two or three callers only are +present and the hostess feels that she must render the talk +general by making some kind of introduction, direct or +indirect, as she thinks best. The ladies thus introduced +remain seated and bow. They do not shake hands even +under the exceptional conditions previously referred to, but +they would at once join in the talk that passes for conversation, +and on departure would shake hands with the relative +in question after having shaken hands with the hostess and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_18" id="Page_18">[18]</a></span> +having expressed pleasure at meeting this near relative—mother +or sister, or whoever she may happen to be.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Introductions between Callers</big></b> made under enforced +circumstances have not much bearing on future acquaintance. +Those introduced pass so short a time in each other's +company, and know practically nothing of each other's +surroundings, that they are uncertain whether at future +meetings they ought to recollect that such introductions +have taken place, and whether they should bow or forget. +Actually it would be correct to bow if the opportunity is +given so to do, but unless the wish to bestow recognition is +mutual it is of little avail if grudgingly given, and it would +be worse still were it withheld. Some people have short +memories for faces, and others are short-sighted, and both +these drawbacks have to be reckoned with when expecting +recognition from a person to whom one has been thus +introduced.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_19" id="Page_19">[19]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER III</h2> + +<h3>LEAVING CARDS</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">The</span> etiquette of card-leaving is a privilege which society +places in the hands of ladies to govern and determine their +acquaintanceships and intimacies, to regulate and decide +whom they will, and whom they will not visit, whom they +will admit into their friendship, and whom they will keep +on the most distant footing, whose acquaintance they wish +further to cultivate and whose to discontinue.</p> + +<p>It would seem that the act of leaving cards is but +imperfectly understood, and that many erroneous impressions +prevail respecting the actual use of visiting cards. +The object of leaving cards is to signify that a call has +been made, due civility shown, and a like civility expected +in return.</p> + +<p>Leaving cards, or card-leaving, is one of the most important +of social observances, as it is the ground-work or +nucleus in general society of all acquaintanceships. Leaving +cards, according to etiquette, is the first step towards +forming, or towards enlarging, a circle of acquaintances, +and the non-fulfilment of the prescribed rules is a sure step +in the opposite direction. The following is the received +code of card-leaving in all its details according to the +etiquette observed in good society by both ladies and gentlemen, +and should be faithfully followed.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A Lady's Visiting Card</big></b> should be printed in +small, clear copper-plate script, and free from any kind of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_20" id="Page_20">[20]</a></span> +embellishment as regards ornamental or Old English letters. +It should not be a thin card, and should be three inches +and five eighths in width, and slightly under two and a half +in depth.</p> + +<p>The name of the lady should be printed in the centre of +the card, and her address in the left-hand corner. If she +has a second address, it should be printed in the opposite +corner of the card. If the second address is but a temporary +one, it is usually written and not printed.</p> + +<p>A married lady should never use her christian name on +a card, but she should use her husband's christian name +before her surname if his father or elder brother is living.</p> + +<p>It is now considered old-fashioned for husbands and +wives to have their names printed on the same card, +although at watering-places, the practice of having the two +names on the same card, "Mr. and Mrs. Dash," is still +occasionally followed; but even when these cards are used, +a lady and gentleman still require separate cards of their +own.</p> + +<p>A lady having a large acquaintance should keep a visiting +book, in which to enter the names of her acquaintances, +and the date when their cards were left upon her, with the +dates of her return cards left upon them, that she might +know whether a card were due to her from them, or whether +it were due to them from her.</p> + +<p>A lady having a small acquaintance would find a memorandum +book sufficient for the purpose; a line should be +drawn down the centre of every page, dividing it into two +columns, the one column for the names, and the opposite +column for the dates of the calls made and returned.</p> + +<p>Leaving cards principally devolves upon the mistress of +a house; a wife should leave cards for her husband, as well +as for herself; and a daughter for her father. The master +of a house has little or no card-leaving to do, beyond +leaving cards upon his bachelor friends.</p> + +<p>In the country it is otherwise, and those who return<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_21" id="Page_21">[21]</a></span> +home are called upon by their friends and acquaintances +in the first instance, unless under exceptional circumstances.</p> + +<p>Ladies arriving in town should leave cards on their +acquaintances and friends to intimate that they have +returned.</p> + +<p>Visiting cards should be left in person, and should not +be sent by post, although in town, when the distance is +considerable, it is tacitly allowed; but, as a rule, ladies +invariably leave their cards themselves. On arriving in +town for the season ladies having a large acquaintance +often send their visiting cards to their various friends and +acquaintances by a man-servant or through a stationer.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Routine of Card-leaving.</big></b>—As regards the +routine of card-leaving. When driving, a lady should +desire her footman to inquire if the mistress of the house +at which she is calling is "at home." If not "at home," +and it is a first call, she should hand him <i>three</i> cards—<i>one</i> +of her own, and <i>two</i> of her husband's. Her card is left +for the mistress of the house, and her husband's cards for +both master and mistress.</p> + +<p>If not a first call a lady should leave one only of +her husband's cards if his acquaintance with her friend's +husband is an intimate one and they are in the habit of +meeting frequently. If, on the contrary, they know each +other but slightly, and meet but seldom, then two of his +cards should be left. This, however, not on every occasion +of calling.</p> + +<p>When a lady is merely leaving cards, she should hand +the three cards to her servant, saying, "For Mrs. ——." +This ensures the cards being left at the right address, and +is the correct formula for the occasion.</p> + +<p>When a lady is walking, and finds the mistress of the +house at which she calls is "not at home," she should act +as above.</p> + +<p>When a lady intends making a call she should ask if<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_22" id="Page_22">[22]</a></span> +"Mrs. —— is at home?" And if the answer is in the +affirmative, she should, after making the call, leave <i>two</i> of +her husband's cards on the hall table, and neither put them +in the card-basket nor leave them on the drawing-room +table, nor offer them to her hostess, all of which would be +very incorrect; but she might on reaching the hall hand +them to the man-servant silently, or she might send them +in by her own servant when seated in her carriage, saying, +"For Mr. and Mrs. Smith." She should not leave her <i>own</i> +card on the hall table, as, having seen the lady of the +house, the reason for doing so no longer exists.<a name="FNanchor_1_1" id="FNanchor_1_1"></a><a href="#Footnote_1_1" class="fnanchor">[1]</a></p> + +<p>When a lady calling is accompanied by her husband and +the mistress of the house is at home, the husband should +leave one of his cards only, for the absent master of the +house; when the master of the house is at home also, a +card in that case should not be left.</p> + +<p>When the mistress of a house has a grown-up daughter +or daughters, the lady leaving cards should turn down one +corner of her visiting card—the right-hand corner generally—to +include the daughter or daughters in the call. +This custom of turning down a corner of a visiting card +signifies that other ladies of the family besides the hostess +are included in the call. A foreigner turns down the <i>end</i> +of a card instead of one corner only, which has not the +same signification. It is to denote that he has left it in +person.</p> + +<p>A lady should not leave one of her husband's cards for +the daughters of the house, but she not unfrequently leaves +his card for the grown-up sons of the house.</p> + +<p>When a lady intends leaving cards on a friend who is +the guest of some one with whom she is unacquainted, she +should only leave cards for her friend and not for her +friend's hostess; but if she is slightly acquainted with her<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_23" id="Page_23">[23]</a></span> +friend's hostess, she should leave cards upon her on the +occasion of her first visit to her friend, but it would not be +necessary to do so at every subsequent visit, especially if +they were of frequent occurrence.</p> + +<p>Young ladies should not have visiting cards of their own; +their names should be printed beneath that of their mother +on her card. In the case of there being no mother living, +the daughter's name should be printed beneath that of her +father on the usual lady's visiting card, but never on the +smaller cards used by gentlemen. When young ladies are +taken out into society by relatives or friends, their names +should be written in pencil under the names of the ladies +chaperoning them on their visiting cards.</p> + +<p>Maiden ladies of a certain age should have visiting cards +of their own, but until a young lady has attained what is +termed a certain age, it argues no little independence of +action to have a card of her own; but when she no longer +requires chaperonage, she is entitled to a card of her own, +being clearly her own mistress, and able to choose her own +acquaintances.</p> + +<p>When a young lady is on a visit unaccompanied by her +parents, and wishes to call on ladies with whom the lady +she is staying with is unacquainted, she should leave her +mother's card on which her own name is also printed, and +should draw a pencil through her mother's name to intimate +that she was not with her on that occasion.</p> + +<p>Cards should always be returned within a week if +possible, or ten days at latest, after they have been left, but +to do so within a week is more courteous. And care must +be taken to return the "call" or "cards" according to the +etiquette observed by the person making the call or leaving +the card; that is to say, that a "call" must <i>not</i> be returned +by a card only, or a "card" by a "call." This is a point +ladies should be very punctilious about.</p> + +<p>Should a lady of higher rank return a card by a "call," +asking if the mistress of the house were "at home," her so<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_24" id="Page_24">[24]</a></span> +doing would be in strict etiquette; and should she return +a "call" by a card only, it should be understood that she +wished the acquaintance to be of the slightest; and should a +lady call upon an acquaintance of higher rank than herself, +who had only left a card upon her, her doing so would be +a breach of etiquette.</p> + +<p>In large establishments the hall porter enters the names +of all callers in a book expressly kept for the purpose, while +some ladies merely desire their servant to sort the cards +left for them.</p> + +<p>The name of the lady or gentleman for whom the cards +are intended should never be written on the cards left at a +house. The only case in which it should be done would be +when cards are left on a lady or a gentleman staying at a +crowded hotel, when, to save confusion, and to ensure their +receiving them, their names should be written on them thus: +"For Mr. and Mrs. Smith." But this would be quite an exceptional +case, otherwise to do so would be extremely vulgar.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Leaving Cards after Entertainments.</big></b>—Visiting +cards should be left after the following entertainments: +balls, receptions, private theatricals, amateur concerts, and +dinners, by those who have been invited, whether the invitations +have been accepted or not, and should be left the +day after the entertainment if possible, and certainly within +the week according to the rules of card-leaving already +described. On these occasions cards should be left without +inquiry as to whether the hostess is at home, although after +a dinner-party it is the rule to ask if she is at home, as to +dine at a house denotes a greater intimacy than being +present at a large gathering. If the hostess were not at +home, cards should be left.</p> + +<p>If a lady has been but once present at any entertainment, +whether the invitation came through a mutual friend +or direct from the hostess herself, the hostess being but a +slight acquaintance of her own, besides leaving cards on<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_25" id="Page_25">[25]</a></span> +her the day following, she can, if she desires, leave cards on +her the following season, or, if residing in the same town, +within a reasonable time of the entertainment; but if these +cards are not acknowledged by cards being left in return, +she should of course understand that the acquaintance is to +proceed no further.</p> + +<p>A lady should not leave cards on another lady to whom +she has but recently been introduced at a dinner-party or +afternoon tea; for instance, she must meet her several times +in society, and feel sure that her acquaintance is desired, +before venturing to leave cards. If two ladies are of equal +rank, tact will be their best guide as to the advisability +of leaving cards or not upon each other; the lady of +superior rank may take the initiative if she pleases. If +either of the ladies express a wish to further the acquaintance +by asking the other to call upon her, the suggestion +should come from the lady of highest rank; if of equal +rank it is immaterial as to which first makes the suggestion. +But in either case the call should be paid within the week.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Leaving Cards upon New-comers.</big></b>—In the country +the residents should be the first to leave cards on the new-comers, +after ascertaining the position which the new-comers +occupy in society.</p> + +<p>Persons moving in the same sphere should either leave +cards or call according as they intend to be ceremonious +or friendly, and the return visits should be paid in like +manner, a card for a card, a call for a call.</p> + +<p>It is the received rule that residents should call on new-comers, +although having no previous acquaintance with +them, or introductions to them.</p> + +<p>New-comers, even if of higher rank, should not call +on residents in the first instance, but should wait until the +residents have taken the initiative. If residents do not +wish to continue the acquaintance after the first meeting, +it is discontinued by not leaving cards, or by not calling<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_26" id="Page_26">[26]</a></span> +again, and if the new-comers feel disinclined to continue +the acquaintance they should return the calls by leaving +cards only. Calling on new-comers in the country should +not be done indiscriminately, and due consideration should +be paid to individual status in society.</p> + +<p>The lady of highest social position in the circle to which +the new-comers belong generally takes the responsibility +of calling first on the new-comers. By new-comers is +expressed persons who intend to reside in a county or town +for a long, or even for a short period, and who are not +casual visitors in the place.</p> + +<p>The custom of residents calling on new-comers is entirely +confined to county society, and does not apply to residents +in large towns and populous watering-places.</p> + +<p>In old cathedral cities and quiet country towns, far from +the metropolis, on the contrary, the rule holds good of +residents calling on new-comers.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Cards "To Inquire."</big></b>—Cards to inquire after friends +during their illness should be left in person, and should not +be sent by post; but they may be sent by a servant. On +a lady's visiting card should be written above the printed +name: "To inquire after Mrs. Smith." When the person +inquired after is sufficiently recovered to return thanks in +person, the usual visiting card, with "many thanks for kind +inquiries," written above the printed name, is the usual mode +of returning thanks, and is all-sufficient for the purpose.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>P.P.C. Cards.</big></b>—Formerly P.P.C. cards were left +within a week of departure, or within ten days if the +acquaintance was a large one.</p> + +<p>The letters P.P.C. for <i>pour prendre congé</i>, written at the +lower corner of visiting cards, indicate departure from town +or from a neighbourhood. P.P.C. cards may be left in +person or sent by a servant; they can also be sent by post. +The object of leaving P.P.C. cards is to avoid leave-takings<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_27" id="Page_27">[27]</a></span> +and correspondence concerning departure, and to prevent +offence being given if letters and invitations remained unanswered.</p> + +<p>In the country an absence of from three to six months +renders leaving P.P.C. cards somewhat necessary; under that +period it would be unnecessary to give notice of a temporary +absence which does not amount to an actual departure. +Short absences render it unnecessary to leave P.P.C. cards. +Holiday movements at Christmas, Easter, and Whitsuntide +are thoroughly recognised, and no leave-taking is obligatory. +P.P.C. cards are now seldom if ever left in town.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Business Calls.</big></b>—When a lady makes a strictly business +call upon either a lady or gentleman she should give +her card to the servant to be taken to his master or mistress, +but on no other occasion should she do so.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Gentlemen's Visiting Cards.</big></b>—A gentleman's card +should be thin—thick cards are not in good taste—and not +glazed, and of the usual narrow width, <i>i.e.</i> one and a half +inches in depth, and three inches in width; his name should +be printed in the centre, thus: "Mr. Smith" or "Mr. +Francis Smith," should he require the addition of his christian +name to distinguish him from his father or elder brother. +To have "Francis Smith" printed on the card without the +prefix of "Mr." would be in bad taste.</p> + +<p>Initials appertaining to honorary rank should never be +written or printed on a card, such as D.L., K.C., M.P., +K.C.B., M.D., etc. Military or professional titles necessarily +precede the surname of the person bearing them, and +are always used, such as "Colonel Smith," "Captain Smith," +"Rev. H. Smith," "Dr. Smith," etc.</p> + +<p>As regards titles, "The Honourable" is the only title +that is not used on a visiting card. Thus "The Honourable +Henry Smith's" card should bear the words "Mr. Henry +Smith" only.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_28" id="Page_28">[28]</a></span></p> + +<p>A Baronet's card should be printed thus, "Sir George +Smith," and a Knight's card thus, "Sir Charles Smith." A +gentleman's address should be printed in the left hand +corner of the card. If a member of a club, it is usual to +print the name of the club at the right hand. Officers +usually have the name of the club printed at the left hand +corner in the place of the address, and the regiment to +which they belong at the right hand.</p> + +<p>Cards should be printed in small copper-plate script, +without ornamentation of any kind. Old English letters +look old-fashioned on a card, and are but little used; and +ornamental capital letters are never used, and are out of +date. The lettering should be as plain and as free from +any sort of embellishment as it well can be.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Routine of Card-leaving for Gentlemen.</big></b>—To +bachelors card-leaving is an irksome routine of etiquette, +and is, therefore, in a measure often neglected, by reason +of their having little or no leisure at command during the +afternoon hours. This is now thoroughly understood and +accepted in general society. When, however, a bachelor +has his way to make in society and has leisure to further +the acquaintanceships he has already made, he should follow +the rules of card-leaving.</p> + +<p>Bachelors, as a rule, are expected to leave cards on +the master and mistress of a house with whom they are +acquainted as soon as they are aware that the family have +arrived in town; or if a bachelor himself has been away, he +should leave cards on his acquaintances immediately after +his return. He should leave one card for the mistress of +the house and one for its master.</p> + +<p>A gentleman should not turn down a corner of his card, +even though he may be acquainted with other ladies of the +family besides the mistress of the house. A gentleman +should not leave a card for the young daughters of the +house, or for any young relative of its mistress who might<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_29" id="Page_29">[29]</a></span> +be staying with her; but if a married couple with whom +he is acquainted were staying with the friends on whom he +is calling, he should leave two cards for them, one for the +wife and one for the husband, and should tell the servant +for whom they are intended.</p> + +<p>As regards leaving cards upon new acquaintances, a +gentleman should not leave his card upon a married lady, +or the mistress of a house, to whom he has been introduced, +however gracious or agreeable she has been to him, unless +she expressly asks him to call, or gives him to understand +in an unmistakable manner that his doing so would be +agreeable to her. This rule holds good, whether the introduction +has taken place at a dinner-party, at a ball, at an +"at home," at a country-house gathering, or elsewhere; +he would not be entitled to leave his card on her on +such slight acquaintanceship; as, if she desired his further +acquaintance, she would make some polite allusion to his +calling at her house, in which case he should leave his card +on her as soon afterwards as convenient, and he should also +leave a card for the master of the house, the lady's husband +or father (as the case may be), even if he had not made his +acquaintance when making that of the lady.</p> + +<p>A gentleman should not leave a card on a young lady +to whom he has been introduced, but upon her mother or +the relative with whom she is residing.</p> + +<p>When the acquaintance existing between gentlemen is +but slight, they should occasionally leave cards upon each +other, especially when they do not move in the same circle, +and are not otherwise likely to meet; it generally follows +that the one who most desires the acquaintanceship is the +one to leave his card first, always supposing that the +strength of the acquaintance would warrant his so doing. +The one of highest rank should be the one to intimate that +he desires the acquaintance of the other; if the rank be +equal, it is a matter of inclination which calls first.</p> + +<p>The rules of etiquette, though stringent as regards<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_30" id="Page_30">[30]</a></span> +acquaintances, have little or no application as regards +intimate friends; friendship overrules etiquette.</p> + +<p>When a bachelor has a number of intimate friends, very +little card-leaving is required from him as far as they are +concerned.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Leaving Cards after Entertainments.</big></b>—In the +event of a gentleman receiving an invitation to an entertainment +from an acquaintance, or from a new acquaintance, +or through some mutual friend, he should leave his cards +at the house within a week or ten days after the entertainment, +one for the mistress and one for the master of the +house, whether he has accepted the invitation or not. +Between friends this rule is greatly relaxed.</p> + +<p>It is usual for a gentleman to leave his cards on the +host or on the hostess, after every entertainment to which +he has been invited by them, whether it be a dinner-party, +or ball, or "at home," etc. Whether he has been present +or not, the fact of his having been invited by them obliges +him to pay them this civility, although great latitude as +regards time is now accorded in general society with regard +to this particular rule.</p> + +<p>If invited by a new acquaintance, the cards should be +left a few days after the entertainment, but if by a less +recent acquaintance they should be left within ten days or +a fortnight, but the earlier the cards are left the greater the +politeness shown.</p> + +<p>If a bachelor acquaintance gives an entertainment, the +same rule applies as to the necessity of cards being left on +him by those gentlemen but slightly acquainted with him +who have been invited to the entertainment.</p> + +<p>When a gentleman has been invited to an entertainment +given at the house of a new acquaintance, whether the +acquaintance be a lady or a gentleman, it would be etiquette +for him to leave his card upon them on their arrival in town +or elsewhere, even though they may not have invited him<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_31" id="Page_31">[31]</a></span> +to any subsequent entertainment given by them within the +year. If during the following year they do not again invite +him, he might consider the acquaintance at an end and +cease to call. These complimentary calls made, or rather +cards left, should not average more than four during the +year.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Memorial Cards</big></b> are out of date in society, and consequently +should not be sent to either relatives or friends.</p> + +<p>A widow should not make use of her christian name on +her visiting cards to distinguish her from other members of +her late husband's family. Her cards should be printed as +during his lifetime.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_1_1" id="Footnote_1_1"></a><a href="#FNanchor_1_1"><span class="label">[1]</span></a> It is, however, permissible on the occasion of a <i>first</i> call to say, +"I shall leave my card in the hall to remind you of my address"; or +some such phrase.</p></div> +</div> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_32" id="Page_32">[32]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER IV</h2> + +<h3>PAYING CALLS</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">Ladies</span> stand upon strict and ceremonious etiquette with +each other as regards both paying and receiving calls. +Ignorance or neglect of the rules which regulate paying +calls, brings many inconveniences in its train; for instance, +when a lady neglects to pay a call due to an acquaintance, +she runs the risk of herself and daughters being excluded +from entertainments given by the said acquaintance.</p> + +<p>When a call has not been made within a reasonable +time, a coldness is apt to arise between ladies but slightly +acquainted with each other. Some ladies take this omission +good-naturedly or indifferently, while with others the +acquaintance merges into a mere bowing acquaintance to +be subsequently dropped altogether.</p> + +<p>The first principle of calling is, that those who are the +first to arrive in town should be the <i>first</i> to call upon their +acquaintances to intimate their return.</p> + +<p>"Morning calls," so designated on account of their +being made before dinner, are, more strictly speaking, +"afternoon calls," as they should only be made between +the hours of three and six o'clock.</p> + +<p>Calls made in the morning—that is before one o'clock—would +not come under the denomination of "morning +calls," as they can only be made by intimate friends and +not by acquaintances, and are not, therefore, amenable to +the rules of etiquette which govern the afternoon calls, +which calls are regulated in a great measure—as to the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_33" id="Page_33">[33]</a></span> +hour of calling—by the exact degree of intimacy existing +between the person who calls and the person called upon. +From three to four o'clock is the ceremonious hour for +calling; from four to five o'clock is the semi-ceremonious +hour; and from five to six o'clock is the wholly friendly +and without ceremony hour.</p> + +<p>If a lady is driving when she calls at the house of +an acquaintance, she should say to her servant, "Ask if +Mrs. A—— is at home."</p> + +<p>When a lady is walking, she should ask the same +question herself.</p> + +<p>When the answer is in the negative, she should leave +one of her own cards and one of her husband's, and should +say to the servant, "For Mr. and Mrs. A——."</p> + +<p>When the answer is in the affirmative, the lady should +enter the house without further remark and follow the +servant to the drawing-room.</p> + +<p>The servant should go before the visitor, to lead the +way to the drawing-room, and, however accustomed a +visitor may be to a house, it is still the proper etiquette for +the servant to lead the way, and announce him or her to +his mistress; and this rule should not be dispensed with, +except in the case of very near relations or very intimate +friends.</p> + +<p>At the drawing-room door the servant waits for a +moment until the visitor has reached the landing, when the +visitor should give his or her name to the servant, "Mr. +A——" or "Mrs. A——," should the servant be unacquainted +with it.</p> + +<p>If the visitor calling bears the title of "Honourable" it +should not be mentioned by him or her to the servant +when giving the name, neither should it be mentioned by +the servant when announcing the visitor.</p> + +<p>All titles are given in full by the servants of those who +bear them, thus: "The Duke and Duchess of A——," +"The Marquis and Marchioness of B——," "The Earl<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_34" id="Page_34">[34]</a></span> +and Countess of C——," "Viscount and Viscountess +D——," "Lord and Lady E——," etc.; but a marchioness, +a countess, or a viscountess when giving her name to be +announced at a morning call would style herself "Lady +A——" only.</p> + +<p>A gentleman or lady should never give his or her visiting +card to the servant when the mistress of the house is at +home.</p> + +<p>A servant should not knock at the drawing-room door +when announcing visitors. The servant, on opening the +drawing-room door, should stand inside the doorway, he +should not stand behind the door, but well into the room; +facing the mistress of the house if possible, and should say, +"Mr. A——," or "Mrs. A——."</p> + +<p>When the mistress of the house is not in the drawing-room +when a visitor arrives, the visitor should seat herself +and rise at her entrance.</p> + +<p>Visitors should not make any inquiries of the servant as +to how long his mistress will be, or where she is, or what +she is doing, etc. Visitors are not expected to converse +with the servants of their acquaintances, and should not +enter into conversation with them.</p> + +<p>Formerly a gentleman when calling, took his hat and +stick in his hand with him into the drawing-room, and +held them until he had seen the mistress of the house +and shaken hands with her. He either placed them on +a chair or table near at hand or held them in his hand, +according as to whether he felt at ease or the reverse, +until he took his leave. Many middle-aged and elderly +men still follow this fashion in a degree, and take their +hats and sticks into the drawing-room when making formal +calls.</p> + +<p>The newer fashion amongst younger men is to leave +their hats and sticks in the hall and not to take them into +the drawing-room with them when calling. To do this is +now very general, as hats are in the way if tea is going on;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_35" id="Page_35">[35]</a></span> +besides, men were apt to forget where they placed their +hats, and frequently had to return to the drawing-room +in search of them.</p> + +<p>At "at homes," small afternoon teas, luncheons, dinners, +etc., the rule is the same, and hats are left in the hall by +invited guests.</p> + +<p>A gentleman should not take his stick or umbrella with +him into the drawing-room, but leave it in the hall.</p> + +<p>When gentlemen wear gloves, they can take them off +or keep them on as they please, it is immaterial which +they do, but when a call is made when tea is going on, it +is more usual to take them off.</p> + +<p>When the mistress of the house is in the drawing-room +when a visitor is announced—and she should so arrange +her occupations as always to be found there on the afternoons +when she intends being "at home" should visitors +call—she should rise, come forward, and shake hands with +her visitor. She should not ask her visitor to be seated, +or to "take a seat," but she might say, "Where will you +sit?" or, "Will you sit here?" or something to this effect; +and should at once sit down and expect her visitor to do +the same, as near to herself as possible.</p> + +<p>Both hostess and visitor should guard against displaying +a fussy demeanour during a morning call, as a morning call +is oftener than not a <i>tête-à-tête</i>, and a <i>tête-à-tête</i> between two +persons but slightly acquainted with each other requires a +considerable amount of tact and <i>savoir vivre</i> to be sustained +with ease and self-possession. A fussy woman is +without repose, without dignity, and without <i>savoir vivre</i>.</p> + +<p>A hostess betrays that she is not much accustomed to +society when she attempts to amuse her visitor by the +production of albums, photographs, books, illustrated newspapers, +portfolios of drawings, the artistic efforts of the +members of the family, and the like; conversation being +all that is necessary, without having recourse to pictorial +displays.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_36" id="Page_36">[36]</a></span></p> + +<p>If not intimate enough to refer to family matters, the +conversation should turn on light topics of the hour.<a name="FNanchor_2_2" id="FNanchor_2_2"></a><a href="#Footnote_2_2" class="fnanchor">[2]</a></p> + +<p>People unused to society are apt to fall back upon the +above adventitious aids. A hostess should rely solely upon +her own powers of conversation to make the short quarter +of an hour—which is the limit of a ceremonious call—pass +pleasantly to her visitor. The hostess should not offer +her visitor any refreshments, wine and cake, for instance. +No refreshments whatever, save tea, should be offered to +morning visitors; they are not supposed to require them.</p> + +<p>In the country it is customary to offer sherry to gentlemen +callers, and to order tea for the ladies, even though +the call is made rather early in the afternoon, and a little +before the hour for having tea.</p> + +<p>Ceremonious visits are usually paid before the hour of +half-past four; but if tea is brought in while the visitor is +in the drawing-room, or if the visitor calls while the hostess +is having tea, she should naturally offer her visitor tea.</p> + +<p>When the mistress of the house only expects a few +callers, "tea" is placed on a small table—a silver tray +being generally used for the purpose. The hostess should +pour out the tea herself; when a gentleman is present, he +should hand the cups to the visitors or visitor, otherwise +the hostess should herself do so, and then hand the sugar +and cream, without asking whether her visitors will have +either, unless she is preparing the cups of tea herself, in +which case she should ask the question.</p> + +<p>When a second visitor arrives, ten or fifteen minutes +after the first visitor, the first visitor should take her leave +as soon as she conveniently can. When the second visitor +is a lady, the hostess should rise and shake hands with her, +and then seat herself; the first visitor, if a lady, should not +rise; if a gentleman, he should do so.</p> + +<p>A hostess should also rise and come forward when a +gentleman is announced; this gives her an opportunity of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_37" id="Page_37">[37]</a></span> +talking to him for a few moments on his first entering the +room. The second visitor should at once seat him or +herself near to the hostess.</p> + +<p>She should introduce the callers to each other unless +she has some especial reason for not doing so. She could, +however, in the course of conversation merely mention the +name of each caller, so that each may become aware of +the name of the other. This is now often done when +formal introductions are not made. If the hostess possesses +tact, and a facility and readiness of speech, she +should skilfully draw both callers into the conversation (a +subject which is fully enlarged upon in "The Art of +Conversing"). The hostess should not take this latter +course unless aware that the two visitors would be likely +to appreciate each other.</p> + +<p>When one visitor arrives immediately after the other, +the hostess should converse equally with both visitors, and +the lady who was the first to arrive should be the first to +leave, after a call of from ten to fifteen minutes. When +only one visitor is present the hostess should accompany +her to the door of the drawing-room, and linger for a few +moments, whilst the visitor is descending the stairs. To +do so would not be imperative, but it would be courteous. +When the host is present he should accompany the lady +downstairs into the hall; this also is an optional civility, +and greatly depends upon the estimation in which the lady +is held by host and hostess.</p> + +<p>When two visitors are present the hostess should rise +and shake hands with the departing visitor; but unless a +person of greater consideration than the visitor who still +remained seated, she should not accompany her to the +drawing-room door.</p> + +<p>One visitor should not rise from her seat when another +is about to take her leave. When visitors are acquainted +with each other they should rise and shake hands. When +one of the visitors is a gentleman he should rise, even if<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_38" id="Page_38">[38]</a></span> +unacquainted with the lady who is about to take her leave; +he should not remain seated when the hostess is standing.</p> + +<p>When two visitors, either two ladies or two gentlemen, +have slightly conversed with each other during a morning +call, they should not shake hands with each other on +leaving, but should merely bow. When they have not +spoken to each other, they should not bow.</p> + +<p>When they have been formally introduced they should +still only bow, unless the acquaintance has progressed into +sudden intimacy through previous knowledge of each other.</p> + +<p>When one of the visitors present is a gentleman he +should open the drawing-room door for the departing +visitor, but he should not accompany her downstairs unless +requested by the hostess to do so; the visitor should bow +to him and thank him, but not shake hands with him.</p> + +<p>When the hostess has shaken hands with a guest, and +before crossing the room with her, she should ring the +drawing-room bell, that the servant may be in readiness in +the hall to open the door. She should ring the bell even if +the host were accompanying the lady downstairs. It would +be thoughtless on the part of the hostess to forget to ring +the bell to give notice to the servant that a visitor was +leaving.</p> + +<p>In the country, the caller before rising to depart sometimes +asks if she may ring for her motor-car to come round. +When the hostess is in reach of the bell, she should ring +it for her; when a gentleman is present, he should do so. +On the servant's entrance, the caller should say, "My +motor-car, please!"</p> + +<p>When a lady is calling on a friend, the guest of some one +with whom she herself is unacquainted, or even but slightly +acquainted, she should in both cases ask if her friend is at +home, and not if the mistress of the house is at home; and +having paid her visit, on leaving the house she should leave +cards for its mistress if she is slightly acquainted with her, +but should not do so if she is unacquainted with her.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_39" id="Page_39">[39]</a></span></p> + +<p>When a lady has a guest staying on a visit to her, if +convenient, she should, when her guest expected visitors, +absent herself from the drawing-room at that particular +time, unless the expected visitors are mutual friends of +herself and guest.</p> + +<p>If she is in the drawing-room with her guests when a +visitor is announced so as to render an introduction inevitable, +a formal introduction should be made, but the +mistress of the house, after a very few minutes, should make +some excuse, quietly leave the room, and not return until +after the departure of the visitor. It would be inconsiderate +were the mistress of the house to remain in the drawing-room +while calls were paid to her guest by strangers to +herself unless at her guest's particular request. When a +visitor is a gentleman, and the guest a young unmarried +lady, the mistress of the house should remain in the +drawing-room to chaperon her.</p> + +<p>When the mistress of the house is desirous of making +the acquaintance of any particular friend of her guest, from +whom she expected a visit, when the visit occurs and previous +to the visitor taking her leave, the guest should ask +if she will allow her to introduce her to the lady with whom +she is staying. If her visitor desires the introduction, she +should then ring and request the servant to tell his mistress +that Mrs. A. is in the drawing-room, which message the +hostess would understand to mean that her presence is +desired, and the introduction would then be made on her +appearing. An introduction, if made in this manner, could +become the basis of a future acquaintance, both ladies +having had the option of refusing the acquaintance of the +other if so disposed; whereas a forced introduction where +no option is given would hardly count as the basis of +a future acquaintance unless the ladies thus introduced +mutually appreciated each other.</p> + +<p>In the country a guest seldom has friends and acquaintances +in the neighbourhood, who are unknown to her<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_40" id="Page_40">[40]</a></span> +hostess; if otherwise, the hostess should give her guest +the opportunity of seeing her visitor by leaving them +together when the call is made.</p> + +<p>When a guest is present when the mistress of a house +is receiving callers, she should introduce them to her guest +or her guest to them, according to the rank of either +(see <a href="#Page_6">Chapter II.</a>).</p> + +<p>When a lady is driving with a friend who is a stranger +to the acquaintance on whom she is calling, she should not +take her into the house with her while she makes her +call, unless she is a young lady, or unless there is some +especial reason for introducing the two ladies to each other, +or unless both ladies have expressed a wish to become +acquainted with each other. Husbands and wives occasionally +pay calls together, but oftener they do not. A lady, +as a rule, pays a call by herself, unless she has a grown-up +daughter, when she should accompany her mother.</p> + +<p>Occasionally two ladies, both intimate with the lady +of the house, pay their calls together. A family party, of +father and mother and daughter, or daughters, rarely call in +town together, save under very exceptional circumstances; +but in the country a family party of three or four would, +as a matter of course, call together; it is country etiquette +to do so.</p> + +<p>A considerable difference exists with regard to "Sunday +calls," or calling on Sundays. Ladies should not pay +ceremonious calls on Sundays; it would not be etiquette for +an acquaintance to call on a Sunday, it would rather be +considered a liberty, unless she were expressly asked to do +so. Intimate friends, on the contrary, often make Sunday a +special day for calling, and therefore, ladies and gentlemen—more +especially gentlemen—extend their calling hours +from three until six o'clock on Sundays.</p> + +<p>When a lady is acquainted with the daughters of a +family only, and not with their father or mother, she should +call on the daughters, who should at once introduce her to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_41" id="Page_41">[41]</a></span> +their mother on the next occasion of calling. If the mother +is not present, the lady calling should leave cards for her; +and at all morning calls, when the daughters of the house +receive a ceremonious visit from an acquaintance, in the +absence of their mother, whether from indisposition or any +other cause, cards should be left for her in the hall before +leaving by the lady calling (see <a href="#Page_19">Chapter III.</a>).</p> + +<p>In all cases, when "morning calls" are made, and the +lady called on is not at home, cards should be left according +to the etiquette described in <a href="#Page_6">Chapter II.</a>, an etiquette +which should be strictly observed; when the lady called +on is "at home," cards should be left for the gentlemen of +the family, according to the same rules of card-leaving, +which cannot be too punctiliously followed.</p> + +<p>A mistress of a house should inform her servant after +or before luncheon, or before the hours for calling, whether +she intends to be "at home" to visitors or not during the +afternoon.</p> + +<p>"Not at home" is the understood formula expressive +of not wishing to see visitors.</p> + +<p>"Not at home" is not intended to imply an untruth, but +rather to signify that for some reason, or reasons, it is not +desirable to see visitors; and as it would be impossible to +explain to acquaintances the why and the wherefore of its +being inconvenient to receive visitors, the formula of "Not +at home" is all-sufficient explanation, provided always that +a servant is able to give a direct answer at once of "Not at +home" when the query is put to him. If a servant is not +sure as to whether his mistress wishes to see visitors or not, +it is almost a direct offence to the lady calling if he hesitates +as to his answer, and leaves her either sitting in her carriage +or standing in the hall, while "He will see if his mistress is +'at home,'" perhaps returning with the unsatisfactory +answer that she is "Not at home"; in which case the +intimation is almost received as a personal exclusion rather +than as a general exclusion of visitors.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_42" id="Page_42">[42]</a></span></p> + +<p>If a lady is dressing to go out when a visitor calls, the +servant can mention that fact to a visitor calling, and offer +to ascertain if his mistress will see the caller; and the +caller should use her own discretion as to whether she will +allow him to do so or not; but unless the visit is one of +importance, it would be best in such a case only to leave +cards.</p> + +<p>When a second visitor calls, a servant should not be permitted +to say that his mistress is "engaged with a lady," or +"with a gentleman," but should usher the second caller +into the drawing-room, as he has previously done the first +caller. He should not inquire as to whether his mistress +will see the second caller or not. Neither should he inform +the second caller as to whether any one is or is not with his +mistress, as ignorant servants are too apt to do.</p> + +<p>It is not usual to offer coffee at afternoon tea; tea only +is given. To offer coffee is a foreign fashion, and not an +English one.</p> + +<p>"Morning" callers should not be conducted to the +dining-room to have tea; and tea is only served in the +dining-room on the occasion of a large afternoon tea, or +afternoon "at home," etc. (See chapter on "Afternoon +'At Homes,'" p. <a href="#Page_151">151</a>.)</p> + +<p>The tea hour varies from 4 to 4.30 o'clock. When +callers are present at 4 o'clock, tea should be brought in at +that hour. It should be placed upon a small table, which +is first covered with a white linen or damask tea-cloth. The +tea-tray should be large enough to hold, in addition to the +china, silver teapot, etc., an urn for hot water, which should +be brought in and placed upon it. A stand containing hot +cakes, an uncut cake, small cakes, tiny sandwiches, and thin +bread-and-butter should be placed near to the tea-table. +Tiny tea-plates should be placed in a pile upon the tea-tray, +they being in general use. The hostess or her daughter +should pour out the tea.</p> + +<p>Apart from the foregoing style of afternoon tea is the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_43" id="Page_43">[43]</a></span> +newer fashion of what might be termed "a round-table tea," +at which hostess and guests sit, but this style is more usual +at country houses than in town houses at present, on account +of the space required, if for no other reason. The tea is +served in a smaller drawing-room, upon a large round or +oval table, which is covered with a white table-cloth, upon +which the tea-tray with all its contents is placed. Cakes, +hot and cold, sandwiches, pastry, fruit, jam, bread-and-butter, +biscuits, dry toast, etc., are given, and the visitors +seated at the table help themselves to what they require. +The hostess pours out the tea and hands the cups as when +guests are not seated in this way. Dessert plates and dessert +knives and forks should be placed on the table beside the +small tea-plates, to be taken as required.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_2_2" id="Footnote_2_2"></a><a href="#FNanchor_2_2"><span class="label">[2]</span></a> See work entitled "The Art of Conversing."</p></div> +</div> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_44" id="Page_44">[44]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER V</h2> + +<h3>PRECEDENCY</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">The</span> order of precedency due to each individual according +to rank is a matter of great importance at official banquets +and at ceremonious dinner-parties, when its correct observance +should be strictly adhered to.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>As regards Precedency amongst Royal Personages</big></b>, +the Sovereign takes precedence of all others in the +realm; the King takes precedence of Queen Mary. The +Prince of Wales takes precedence of the Duke of Connaught. +Queen Alexandra takes precedence of the Royal +Princesses. The Royal Princesses take precedence of their +husbands, Prince Christian and the Duke of Argyll.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Precedency accorded to Foreign Royal +Personages</big></b> in this country very much depends upon +their individual rank. Imperial Highnesses and Royal +Highnesses take precedence of Serene Highnesses.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Precedency accorded to Eastern Princes</big></b> +is generally synonymous with that accorded to Serene +Highnesses; but in some instances the claims of individual +precedency are so difficult to define, that in official cases it +is sometimes necessary to make a special rule as to the +amount of precedency to be allowed.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>As regards General Precedency</big></b>, archbishops, +ambassadors, The Lord High Chancellor, The Prime +Minister, Lord Chancellor of Ireland, Lord President of +the Council, and Lord Privy Seal, take precedence of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_45" id="Page_45">[45]</a></span> +dukes; dukes take precedence of earls, and so on throughout +the various degrees of nobility.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Foreign Ministers and Envoys</big></b> take precedence +next after dukes, in the order of their seniority of service in +England. In all cases where precedency is to be established +between persons of equal rank it is necessary to refer to a +Peerage for date of creation of title, as this actually decides +all precedency.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For Precedency due to Baronets</big></b> and their wives +a Baronetage should be consulted.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For Precedency due to Knights</big></b> and their wives +a Knightage should be consulted in reference to each order +of knighthood.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For the Precedency due to the Legal Profession</big></b> +a Law List should be consulted when it is not defined +by office or birth.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For the Precedency due to the Clergy</big></b> a Clergy +List should be consulted when superior preferment or birth +does not define it.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For the Precedency due to Officers</big></b> in the army +and navy an Army List and a Navy List should be consulted +to determine the precedency due to each in the +separate Services.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Officers should be sent in to Dinner</big></b> according +to the dates of commission, but no branch of the Army +takes precedence over the other as regards rank of officers; +that is to say, a colonel of 1901, of say, a West India +regiment, would precede a colonel of Guards, artillery or +cavalry of 1902 promotion. Drawn up on a brigade<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_46" id="Page_46">[46]</a></span> +parade, the cavalry take the right of the line; thus: +Artillery, Royal Engineers, foot guards and regular regiments, +regiments and West India regiments, in the order named in +the Army List.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>As regards Precedency between Officers</big></b> of the +combined Services a table of "Relative Rank and Precedency +in the Army and Navy" should be consulted, as a +captain in the navy after three years' service ranks with a +colonel in the army, a lieutenant of the navy of eight +years' standing ranks with a major in the army, and a +lieutenant under that standing in the navy, ranks with a +captain in the army, etc.</p> + +<p>Consulate officers also take precedence according to +seniority of service in England and date of official arrival. +The Foreign Office List of the current year should be +consulted for date in each instance.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>As regards the Precedence due to Widows</big></b> +bearing titles who have married again: The widow of a +peer married to a commoner retains her title by courtesy, +and the precedency due to the title is accorded to her.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When the Widow of a Duke</big></b> marries a person of +lower rank than that of her late husband, she still retains +her precedency.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Daughter of a Peer</big></b> if married to a baronet or +a commoner retains her precedency, but if married to a +baron her precedency is merged in that of her husband.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Widow of a Baronet</big></b> married to a commoner +retains her title by right and not by courtesy.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Widow of a Knight</big></b> married to a commoner +retains her title by courtesy only, but the precedency due to +the widow of a knight is accorded to her.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_47" id="Page_47">[47]</a></span></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When the Daughter of a Duke</big></b> marries a peer she +takes the precedency due to the rank of her husband; if +she marries a commoner, precedency is accorded to her +due to the daughter of a duke.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Age confers no Precedency</big></b> on either sex. Equals +in rank from the highest to the lowest take precedence +according to the creation of their title and not as regards +the age of the person bearing the title. As, for instance, a +youthful duke would take precedence of an aged duke, if +the title of the youthful duke bore an earlier date than that +of the aged duke. The same rule applies equally to +baronets and knights.</p> + +<p>When two earls are present at a dinner-party, the date +of their respective patents of nobility decides the order of +precedency due to them.</p> + +<p>A host or hostess should always consult a "Peerage" or +a "Baronetage" if in doubt as to the precedence due to +expected guests bearing titles; wealth or social position are +not taken into account in this matter, it being strictly a +question of date.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Precedence due to Ladies of Equal Rank</big></b> +takes effect in the same manner. Thus, a young wife +of a baronet takes precedence over the elderly wife of a +baronet if the creation of her husband's title bears an earlier +date.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When the Claims to Precedency of Persons of +Equal Rank</big></b> clash, the claims of a gentleman should be +waived in favour of those of a lady, should the persons be of +opposite sexes. Thus, if two couples of superior rank to the +other guests were present at a dinner-party, the host should +take down the lady of highest rank, and the hostess should +be taken down by the gentleman of highest rank, in which +case the lady second in rank should go in to dinner <i>before</i><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_48" id="Page_48">[48]</a></span> +her husband, although the gentleman taking her down to +dinner were of lower rank than her husband.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Esquires, and the Wives of Esquires</big></b>, take precedence +according to their social position. Members of +Parliament have no precedence, though it is often accorded +to them as a matter of courtesy, especially in the county +which they represent; the wives of members of Parliament +are likewise entitled to no precedence on the ground of +their husbands being members of Parliament.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The High Sheriff of a County</big></b> takes precedence +over all other gentlemen in the county, of whatever rank, +save the lord-lieutenant, according to the Royal warrant +issued by His late Majesty King Edward, giving precedence +to lord-lieutenants of counties before high +sheriffs.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The High Sheriff</big></b> out of his particular county has no +precedence, neither has a lord-lieutenant; and the wives of +either lords-lieutenants or high sheriffs take no precedence +on account of their husbands' official dignity.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>An Assize Judge</big></b> takes precedence over the high sheriff +as the assize judge represents the Sovereign of the Realm.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Clergymen, Barristers-at-Law</big></b>, officers in the army +and navy take precedence over esquires on account of such +rank; and in each profession precedence should be accorded +them according to dignity, date of ordination, date of call, +and date of commission in their several professions, assuming +that the rank is equal.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>High Clerical and Legal Dignitaries</big></b> take special +precedence; for instance, the Archbishop of Canterbury +takes precedence of all dukes, and the Lord Chancellor takes +precedence of the Archbishop of York, who also takes<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_49" id="Page_49">[49]</a></span> +precedence of dukes; bishops take precedence of all +barons, whatever their date of creation. The Lord Chief +Justice, the Master of the Rolls, when not peers, and all +judges of the High Court of Justice in their various +divisions, take precedence after Privy Councillors and +before baronets and all knights, save the Knights of the +Garter.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Relative Rank between Officers of the +Army and Navy</big></b> and doctors of divinity is somewhat +difficult to determine as regards the precedence to be given +them at a dinner-party. "Dod" places "esquires by office, +which, of course, includes all officers of the army and navy," +next <i>before</i> the younger sons of knights and before doctors in +divinity, who follow next in order; while "Lodge" places +"officers of the navy and army" <i>after</i> the younger sons of +knights bachelor, clergymen, and barristers-at-law.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Precedency at Dinner-Parties.</big></b>—When royalty is +present at a dinner-party, a prince of blood royal takes precedence +of a princess, and leads the way with the hostess, +the host following next with the princess. On the other hand, +a princess of the blood royal takes precedence of a foreign +prince—her husband—and leads the way with the host.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Host should take down the Lady of +Highest Rank</big></b>, and lead the way with her to the dining-room. +The guests should follow the host in couples according +to the degree of precedence due to them, and the hostess +should follow the last couple with the gentleman of highest +rank present.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When a Greater Number of Gentlemen</big></b> than +ladies are present at a dinner-party, as is often the case, +these gentlemen should follow the hostess to the dining-room +and not precede her.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_50" id="Page_50">[50]</a></span></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When a Widow or Maiden Lady is Hostess</big></b>, +and there is no gentleman of the family present to act as +host, the gentleman second in rank should take down the +lady of highest rank, leading the way with her to the dining-room, +the hostess following last, with the gentleman of +highest rank.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>In the Case of either a Husband's Sister</big></b> or a +wife's sister being required to act as hostess, precedence +should be given to the wife's sister.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>An Eldest Son's Wife</big></b> should take precedence of +her husband's sisters in his father's house.</p> + +<p>As regards the precedence due to the relatives of a host +or hostess, it should give way in favour of that due to the +guests not related to the host or hostess, although their +relatives might be, perhaps, of higher rank than the guests +themselves.</p> + +<p>Occasionally, the eldest son of the house acts as second +host, taking down a lady second or third in rank; but the +daughters of the house should always be taken down to +dinner after the other ladies present, and in no case before +them.</p> + +<p>No precedence is accorded to either a lady or a gentleman +by virtue of a mother's rank.</p> + +<p>No precedence is accorded to brides in society, though +occasionally in the country old-fashioned people consider it +due to a bride to send her in to dinner with the host on the +occasion of her first dining at a house within three months +of her marriage.</p> + +<h3 class="mt2">Table of General Precedency</h3> + +<h4>GENTLEMEN</h4> + +<ul><li>The King.</li> + +<li>The Prince of Wales.</li> + +<li>The Sovereign's younger sons.</li> + +<li>The Sovereign's grandsons.</li> + +<li>The Sovereign's brothers.</li> + +<li>The Sovereign's uncles.</li> + +<li>The Sovereign's nephews.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_51" id="Page_51">[51]</a></span></li> + +<li>Ambassadors.</li> + +<li>Archbishop of Canterbury.</li> + +<li>Lord High Chancellor.</li> + +<li>Archbishop of York.</li> + +<li>The Prime Minister.</li> + +<li>Lord Chancellor of Ireland.</li> + +<li>Lord President of the Council.</li> + +<li>Lord Privy Seal.</li> + +<li>Dukes who may happen to hold either of these five offices— +<ul><li>1. Lord Great Chamberlain.</li> +<li>2. Earl Marshal.</li> +<li>3. Lord Steward.</li> +<li>4. Lord Chamberlain.</li> +<li>5. Master of the Horse.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Dukes in order of their patents of creation— +<ul><li>1. Dukes of England.</li> +<li>2. <span class="ml1">"</span> <span class="ml1">"</span> Scotland.</li> +<li>3. Dukes of Great Britain.</li> +<li>4. <span class="ml1">"</span> <span class="ml1">"</span> Ireland created before the Union.</li> +<li>5. Dukes created since the Union.</li></ul></li> + +<li>Eldest sons of Dukes of Blood Royal.</li> + +<li>Marquesses who may hold either of the Offices of State named above.</li> + +<li>Marquesses in same order as Dukes.</li> + +<li>Dukes' eldest sons.</li> + +<li>Earls holding either of the five Offices of State.</li> + +<li>Earls in same order as Dukes.</li> + +<li>Younger sons of Dukes of Blood Royal.</li> + +<li>Marquesses' eldest sons.</li> + +<li>Dukes' younger sons.</li> + +<li>Viscounts who may hold either of the five Offices of State.</li> + +<li>Viscounts in same order as Dukes.</li> + +<li>Earls' eldest sons.</li> + +<li>Marquesses' younger sons.</li> + +<li>Bishop of London.</li> + +<li> <span class="ml1">"</span> <span class="ml1">"</span> Durham.</li> + +<li> <span class="ml1">"</span> <span class="ml1">"</span> Winchester.</li> + +<li>Other English Bishops in order of their consecration.</li> + +<li>Moderator of the Church of Scotland.</li> + +<li>Barons holding either of the five Offices of State.</li> + +<li>Barons who may be Secretaries of State or Irish Secretary.</li> + +<li>Barons in same order as Dukes.</li> + +<li>The Speaker of the House of Commons.</li> + +<li>Treasurer of the Household.</li> + +<li>Comptroller of the Household.</li> + +<li>Vice-Chamberlain of the Household.</li> + +<li>Secretaries of State below the rank of Barons.</li> + +<li>Viscounts' eldest sons.</li> + +<li>Earls' younger sons.</li> + +<li>Barons' eldest sons.</li> + +<li>Commoners who are Knights of the Garter.</li> + +<li>Privy Councillors of rank lower than the foregoing, according to date they were sworn in.</li> + +<li>Chancellor of the Exchequer.</li> + +<li> <span class="ml2">"</span> <span class="ml2">"</span> <span class="ml1">"</span> Duchy of Lancaster.</li> + +<li>Lord Chief Justice of England.</li> + +<li>Master of the Rolls.</li> + +<li>Lords Justices of Appeal and President of Probate Court.</li> + +<li>Judges of the High Court of Justice.</li> + +<li>Viscounts' younger sons.</li> + +<li>Barons' <span class="ml2">"</span> <span class="ml2">"</span></li> + +<li>Sons of Life Peers.</li> + +<li>Baronets according to dates of patents.</li> + +<li>Knights Grand Cross of Bath.</li> + +<li>Knights Grand Commanders, Star of India.</li> + +<li>Knights Grand Cross of St. Michael and St. George.</li> + +<li>Knights Grand Commanders of Indian Empire.</li> + +<li>Knights Grand Cross of Royal Victorian Order.</li> + +<li>Knights Commanders of above Orders in same sequence.</li> + +<li>Knights Bachelors of above Orders in same sequence.</li> + +<li>Commanders of the Royal Victorian Order.</li> + +<li>Judges of County Courts in England and Ireland, and Judges of the City of London Court.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_52" id="Page_52">[52]</a></span></li> + +<li>Masters in Lunacy.</li> + +<li>Companions of Orders of Bath, Star of India, SS. Michael and George, and Indian Empire in same sequence.</li> + +<li>Members of 4th class of Royal Victorian Order.</li> + +<li>Companions of Distinguished Service Order.</li> + +<li>Eldest sons of younger sons of Peers.</li> + +<li>Baronets' eldest sons.</li> + +<li>Knights' eldest sons, in order of their fathers.</li> + +<li>Members of 5th class of Royal Victorian Order.</li> + +<li>Younger sons of Peers' younger sons.</li> + +<li>Baronets' younger sons.</li> + +<li>Knights' younger sons, in order of their fathers.</li> + +<li>Naval, Military, and other Esquires by Office.</li> + +<li>Gentlemen entitled to bear Coat Armour.</li> +</ul> + +<h4 class="mt2">LADIES</h4> + +<ul><li>The Queen.</li> + +<li>The Queen Mother.</li> + +<li>The Sovereign's daughters.</li> + +<li>Wives of Sovereign's younger sons.</li> + +<li>Sovereign's granddaughters.</li> + +<li>Wives of Sovereign's grandsons.</li> + +<li>Sovereign's sisters.</li> + +<li>Wives of Sovereign's brothers.</li> + +<li>Sovereign's aunts.</li> + +<li>Wives of Sovereign's uncles.</li> + +<li>Sovereign's nieces.</li> + +<li>Wives of Sovereign's nephews.</li> + +<li>Duchesses (in same order as Dukes).</li> + +<li>Wives of eldest sons of Dukes of Blood Royal.</li> + +<li>Marchionesses.</li> + +<li>Wives of eldest sons of Dukes.</li> + +<li>Daughters of Dukes.</li> + +<li>Countesses.</li> + +<li>Wives of younger sons of Royal Dukes.</li> + +<li>Wives of eldest sons of Marquesses.</li> + +<li>Daughters of Marquesses.</li> + +<li>Wives of younger sons of Dukes.</li> + +<li>Viscountesses.</li> + +<li>Wives of eldest sons of Earls.</li> + +<li>Daughters of Earls.</li> + +<li>Wives of younger sons of Marquesses.</li> + +<li>Baronesses.</li> + +<li>Wives of eldest sons of Viscounts.</li> + +<li>Daughters of Viscounts.</li> + +<li>Wives of younger sons of Earls.</li> + +<li>Wives of eldest sons of Barons.</li> + +<li>Daughters of Barons.</li> + +<li>Maids of Honour.</li> + +<li>Wives of younger sons of Viscounts.</li> + +<li>Wives of younger sons of Barons.</li> + +<li>Daughters and sons' wives of Life Peers.</li> + +<li>Wives of Baronets.</li> + +<li>Daughters of Baronets.</li> + +<li>Wives of eldest sons of Knights.</li> + +<li>Daughters of Knights.</li> + +<li>Wives of younger sons of Peers' younger sons.</li> + +<li>Wives of younger sons of Baronets.</li> + +<li>Wives of younger sons of Knights.</li> + +<li>Wives of Esquires.</li> + +<li>Wives of Gentlemen.</li> +</ul> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_53" id="Page_53">[53]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER VI</h2> + +<h3>THE COLLOQUIAL APPLICATION OF TITLES</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">The</span> colloquial application of titles differs materially from +the application of titles when not used colloquially, and +many persons are in doubt as to whether they should or +should not make use colloquially of titles in full.</p> + +<p>His Majesty the King should be addressed as "Sir" by +all those who come in social contact with him; and by all +others as "Your Majesty."</p> + +<p>Her Majesty Queen Mary should be addressed as +"Ma'm" by all those who come in social contact with her; +and by all others as "Your Majesty."</p> + +<p>Her Majesty Queen Alexandra should be addressed as +"Ma'm" by all those who come in social contact with her; +and by all others as "Your Majesty."</p> + +<p>The Prince of Wales, the Duke of Connaught, and all +princes of the blood royal, should be addressed by the +upper classes as "Sir."</p> + +<p>The princesses of the blood royal, should be addressed +as "Ma'm" by the upper classes. The wives of the princes +of the blood royal should also be addressed as "Ma'm" by +the upper classes.</p> + +<p>All crowned heads visiting England should be addressed +as "Sir" by those socially known to them, and as "Your +Majesty" by all others. The Royal ladies, their wives, +should be addressed as "Ma'm" by those personally known +to them, and as "Your Majesty" by all others.</p> + +<p>A foreign prince bearing the title of Serene Highness +should be addressed as "Prince," and not as "Sir," by the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_54" id="Page_54">[54]</a></span> +aristocracy and gentry, and as "Your Serene Highness" by +all other classes.</p> + +<p>A foreign princess, also bearing the title of serene +highness, should be styled "Princess" when addressed +colloquially by the upper classes, but not as "Ma'am"; and +as "Your Serene Highness" by all other classes.</p> + +<p>An English duke should be addressed as "Duke" by +the aristocracy and gentry, and not as "Your Grace" by +members of either of these classes. All other classes should +address him colloquially as "Your Grace."</p> + +<p>An English duchess should be addressed as "Duchess" +by all persons conversing with her belonging to the upper +classes, and as "Your Grace" by all other classes.</p> + +<p>A marquess, colloquially, should be addressed as "Lord +A."</p> + +<p>A marchioness should be addressed as "Lady A." by +the upper classes. It would be a mistake to address an +English marquess as "Marquess," or a marchioness as +"Marchioness," colloquially speaking. All other classes +should address them either as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship," +"My Lady" or "Your Ladyship."</p> + +<p>An earl should be addressed as "Lord B." by the upper +classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all +other classes.</p> + +<p>A countess should be addressed as "Lady B." by the +upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by +all other classes.</p> + +<p>A viscount should be addressed as "Lord C." by the +upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by +all other classes.</p> + +<p>A viscountess should be addressed as "Lady C." by +the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" +by all other classes.</p> + +<p>A baron should be addressed as "Lord D." by the +upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by +all other classes.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_55" id="Page_55">[55]</a></span></p> + +<p>A baroness should be addressed as "Lady D." by the +upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by +all other classes.</p> + +<p>In strictly official or business intercourse a marquess, an +earl, a viscount, a baron, and a younger son of a duke or +marquis, should be addressed as "My Lord."</p> + +<p>The eldest son of a duke should be addressed as "Lord +A." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your +Lordship" by all other classes.</p> + +<p>The wife of the eldest son of a duke should be addressed +as "Lady A." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or +"Your Ladyship" by all other classes.</p> + +<p>The younger sons of a duke should be addressed as +"Lord John E." or "Lord Charles E." by the upper classes, +and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other +classes. Persons well acquainted with them would address +them colloquially by their title and christian name, as +"Lord John" or "Lord Charles." The same remark applies +to their wives, who are often colloquially addressed as +"Lady Alfred" or "Lady Edward."</p> + +<p>The wives of the younger sons of a duke should be +addressed as "Lady John E." or "Lady Charles E." by +the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" +by all other classes.</p> + +<p>The daughters of a duke should be addressed as "Lady +Mary A." or "Lady Elizabeth B." by the upper classes, and +as "Lady Mary" and "Lady Elizabeth" by those intimate +with them, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all +other classes.</p> + +<p>The eldest son of a marquess should be addressed as +"Lord A." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or +"Your Lordship" by all other classes.</p> + +<p>The wife of the eldest son of a marquis should be +addressed as "Lady A." by the upper classes, and as "My +Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.</p> + +<p>The younger sons of a marquis should be addressed as<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_56" id="Page_56">[56]</a></span> +"Lord Henry B." and "Lord Frederick B." by the upper +classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all +other classes.</p> + +<p>The wives of the younger sons of a marquis should be +addressed as "Lady Henry B." and "Lady Frederick B." +by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your +Ladyship" by all other classes.</p> + +<p>The daughters of a marquis should be addressed as +"Lady Florence B." and "Lady Sarah B." by the upper +classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all +other classes.</p> + +<p>The eldest son of an earl should be addressed as "Lord +C." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your +Lordship" by all other classes.</p> + +<p>The wife of the eldest son of an earl should be addressed +as "Lady C." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or +"Your Ladyship" by all other classes.</p> + +<p>The daughters of an earl should be addressed as "Lady +Blanche" and "Lady Evelyn" by the upper classes, and as +"My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes.</p> + +<p>The younger sons of earls, and both eldest and younger +sons of viscounts and barons, only bear the courtesy title of +honourable. The daughters of viscounts and barons also +bear the courtesy title of honourable. This title should +never be used colloquially, "The Hon. Cecil Blank," "The +Hon. Mrs. Cecil Blank," and "The Hon. Mary Blank," +should be styled "Mr., Mrs., and Miss Mary Blank."</p> + +<p>Baronets should be addressed by their full title and +surname, as Sir John Blank, by the upper classes, and by +their titles and christian names only by all other classes.</p> + +<p>Baronets' wives should be addressed as "Lady B." or +"Lady C," according to the surnames of their husbands: +thus, "Sir John Blank's" wife should be addressed as +"Lady Blank" by the upper classes, not as "Lady John +Blank"—to do so would be to give her the rank of the wife +of the younger son of a duke or marquis instead of that of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_57" id="Page_57">[57]</a></span> +a baronet's wife only—and as "My Lady" or "Your +Ladyship" by all other classes.</p> + +<p>The wives of knights should be addressed as "Lady B." +or "Lady C.," according to the surnames of their husbands: +thus, "Sir John Blank's" wife should be addressed as +"Lady Blank" by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or +"Your Ladyship" by all other classes.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>In addressing Foreigners of Rank colloquially</big></b>, +the received rule is to address them by their individual +titles and surnames.</p> + +<p>A prince or princess should be addressed by their full +title: thus, "Prince Munich," or "Princess Munich," by the +upper classes. Persons intimate with them usually address +them as "Prince" or "Princess," as the case may be.</p> + +<p>In the case of a prince being a younger son, and not the +reigning head of the house, his christian name is generally +used after his title when addressing him: thus, "Prince +Louis," in lieu of "Prince" only. The same remark +applies to the unmarried daughters of princes. They also +should be addressed by their christian name, in addition to +their title of "Princess," by the aristocracy and gentry, and +as "Your Serene" or "Your Imperial Highness," according +to their birth and title, by all other classes.</p> + +<p>A French duke should be addressed by his surname, +with the addition of monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Rouen," +by the upper classes, and as "Monsieur le Duc" by all +other classes.</p> + +<p>A French duchess should be addressed by her surname, +with the addition of madame: thus, "Madame de Rouen" +by the upper classes, and as "Madame la Duchesse" by all +other classes.</p> + +<p>A marquis should be addressed by his surname, with +the addition of monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Harfleur" +by the upper classes, and as "Monsieur le Marquis" by all +other classes.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_58" id="Page_58">[58]</a></span></p> + +<p>A marquise should be addressed by her surname, with +the addition of madame: thus, "Madame la Harfleur" by +the upper classes, and as "Madame la Marquise" by all +other classes.</p> + +<p>A comte should be addressed by his surname, with the +addition of monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Montpellier" +by the upper classes, and as "Monsieur le Comte" by all +other classes.</p> + +<p>A comtesse should be addressed by her surname, with +the addition of madame: thus, "Madame de Montpellier" +by the upper classes, and as "Madame la Comtesse" by +all other classes.</p> + +<p>A vicomte should be addressed by his surname, with the +addition of monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Toulouse" by +the upper classes, and as "Monsieur le Vicomte" by all +other classes.</p> + +<p>A vicomtesse should be addressed by her surname, +with the addition of madame: thus, "Madame de Toulouse" +by the upper classes, and as "Madame la Vicomtesse" by +all other classes.</p> + +<p>A baron should be addressed by his surname, with the +addition of monsieur: thus, "Monsieur d'Avignon" by the +upper classes, and as "Monsieur le Baron" by all other +classes.</p> + +<p>A baronne should be addressed by her surname, with +the addition of madame: thus, "Madame d'Avignon" by +the upper classes, and as "Madame la Baronne" by all +other classes.</p> + +<p>A young unmarried lady should be addressed as +"Mademoiselle d'Avignon" by the upper classes, and as +"Mademoiselle" by all other classes.</p> + +<p>In German titles the distinction of "Von" before the +surname is seldom used colloquially, the title and surname +being used without the prefix of "Von." Thus, "Count +von Ausberg" should be addressed as "Count Ausberg" in +conversation, and not as "Monsieur le Comte."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_59" id="Page_59">[59]</a></span></p> + +<p>Foreign ladies of rank should be addressed by their title +and surname, and not by their title only, and the prefix +"Von" should be omitted; but in the case of a French or +Italian title the "de" or "de la" before the surname should +on no account be omitted.</p> + +<p>When Englishmen are extremely intimate with foreigners +of rank they would, in conversation, probably address them +by their surnames; but only thorough intimacy and friendship +warrants this familiarity.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>As regards addressing the Clergy</big></b>, an archbishop +should be addressed colloquially as "Archbishop" by the +upper classes, and as "Your Grace" by the clergy and all +other classes.</p> + +<p>A bishop should be addressed colloquially as "Bishop" +by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" by the clergy and +all other classes.</p> + +<p>A dean should be styled "Dean Blank" or "Dean," +by the upper classes, and as "Mr. Dean" by the clergy.</p> + +<p>An archdeacon should be addressed as "Archdeacon +Blank," and a canon as "Canon Blank."</p> + +<p>The wives of archbishops, bishops, and deans should be +respectively addressed as "Mrs. A.," "Mrs. B.," or "Mrs. +C." They take no title from the spiritual rank of their +husbands.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Officers in the Army</big></b> should be respectively addressed +as "General A.," "Colonel B.," "Major C.," or "Captain +D.," and not as "General," "Colonel," or "Major," except +by their very intimate friends.</p> + +<p>The wives of officers should be addressed as "Mrs. A.," +"Mrs. B.," "Mrs. C.," or "Mrs. D." They should never +be addressed as "Mrs. General A.," "Mrs. Colonel B.," +"Mrs. Major C.," or "Mrs. Captain D."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_60" id="Page_60">[60]</a></span></p> + +<p>A lady should not address her husband colloquially by +his surname only, as "Jones," "Brown," or by whatever +his surname might be, or speak of him without the prefix +of "Mr."</p> + +<p>The usual rule is for a wife to speak of her husband as +"Mr. Brown," or "My husband," except to intimate +friends, when the christian name only is frequently used, +and to address him by his christian name only.</p> + +<p>A wife should not address her husband by the initial +letter of his surname, as "Mr. B." or "Mr. P."; neither +should a husband address his wife by the initial letter of his +surname.</p> + +<p>When intimate friends address each other by the initial +letter of their names it is by way of pleasantry only, and +such cases, of course, do not come within the rules of +etiquette.</p> + +<p>Peeresses frequently address their husbands, and speak +of them, by the name attached to their title, in place of +using their christian or family name. Thus, the "Earl +of Blankshire" would be styled "Blankshire" by his wife, +without the prefix of "Lord," and his usual signature would +be "Blankshire," without the addition of any christian +name.</p> + +<p>Baronets' wives should not address their husbands by +their surnames, but by their christian names, and should +speak of them as "Sir George" or "Sir John."</p> + +<p>The wives of knights also should not address their +husbands by their surnames, but by their christian names, +and should speak of them as "Sir George" or "Sir John."</p> + +<p>The Lord Mayor should be addressed as "Lord Mayor," +colloquially, and the Lady Mayoress as "Lady Mayoress," +unless the Lord Mayor during office is created a baronet +or receives the honour of knighthood, when he should be +addressed as "Sir John" or "Sir Henry," and his wife as +"Lady A."</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_61" id="Page_61">[61]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER VII</h2> + +<h3>POINTS OF ETIQUETTE AS REGARDS ROYAL PERSONAGES</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">General</span> society is now very frequently brought into +contact with royalty—members of the Royal Family of +England and members of various royal families of Europe.</p> + +<p>With His Majesty this association is of frequent occurrence +as regards the general public, and persons possessing +special interest are constantly brought into communication +with him.</p> + +<p>Strict Court etiquette is greatly in abeyance, and laid +aside by His Majesty when paying visits to personal friends, +or when receiving visits from the same.</p> + +<p>The geniality of the English princes and princesses is +everywhere acknowledged, and the restrictions of Court +etiquette are frequently relaxed by their desire when +visiting at the houses of the nobility and gentry.</p> + +<p>The etiquette that reigns in foreign Courts—Austria, +Russia, Greece, etc.—is seldom waived, and is adhered to +with much punctilio. So much so is this the case with +certain foreign princes who visit our shores, that the observances +they claim as due to their exalted position are +often felt to be a restraint upon the hosts whom they +honour with their company, in town or country, at dinner, +ball, or country-house party.</p> + +<p>On the other hand, many royal personages who occasionally +visit England are unbending and unceremonious +towards society in general.</p> + +<p>When royal personages visit London for a few weeks,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_62" id="Page_62">[62]</a></span> +whether located at palace, embassy, or hotel, it is etiquette +for any person who is personally acquainted with or connected +in any way with their Court or cabinet, or who has +been presented at their Court, to leave cards on them and +write their names in their visiting books. Persons still +higher in the social scale, give receptions in their honour, +and invite them to stay at their princely mansions.</p> + +<p>When such visits are paid, the principal neighbours are +usually invited to meet the royal guests at dinner, ball, or +reception, and on the invitation card is written, "To meet +H.R.H. the Crown Prince of ——," or "Her Serene Highness +the Grand Duchess of ——," etc.; but a hostess +exercises her own discretion respecting the invitations she +issues.</p> + +<p>If a ball is in contemplation the county at large is invited +to the mansion, but if dinner invitations only are issued, +then the circle is necessarily restricted to a favoured few.</p> + +<p>The neighbours who are not invited to a house where a +royal guest is staying should avoid calling on the hostess +until the departure of the royal visitors, even if calls are due.</p> + +<p>The principal people of a county who happen to be +present at an entertainment, either dinner or dance, are +usually presented to the royal guests by the host or hostess, +permission to do so having been first solicited.</p> + +<p>When the person to be presented is a person of rank +or distinction, it would only be necessary to say, "May +I present Lord A., or General B., to you, Sir?" but if +the person to be presented has no particular claim to the +honour beyond being popular in the county, the request +should be prefaced with a few words of explanation +respecting the person to be presented.</p> + +<p>When the name or fame of those presented has reached +the ears of the royal guests, they usually shake hands on +the presentation being made, and enter into conversation +with them; otherwise they merely bow, and make one or +two passing remarks.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_63" id="Page_63">[63]</a></span></p> + +<p>A house-party is generally composed of those with whom +a royal guest is more or less acquainted. When the party +includes any one who is a stranger to the royal guests, he +or she should be presented on the first opportunity.</p> + +<p>The members of the Royal Family have each, more or +less, their particular set, as have also the foreign princes +who periodically visit this country, and therefore house-parties +are usually made up of those moving in the set +of the expected prince.</p> + +<p>For the proper mode of addressing royal personages, +see <a href="#Page_53">Chapter VI</a>.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>As regards royal invitations</big></b>, all invitations from the +Sovereign are commands, and must be answered and obeyed +as such, and the word "command" must be made use of +in answering such invitations. If any reason exists for not +obeying His Majesty's commands it should be stated.</p> + +<p>Invitations from members of the Royal Family are +treated by courtesy as commands, but in replying to such +invitations the word "command" should not be used. The +answers to such invitations should be addressed to the Comptroller +of the Household, by whom they are usually issued.</p> + +<p>Answers to royal invitations should be written in the +third person, and reasons given for non-acceptance.</p> + +<p>A previous engagement cannot be pleaded as an excuse +for refusing a royal invitation; only personal indisposition +or serious illness, or death of near relatives, would be +adequate reasons for not accepting a royal invitation.</p> + +<p>When a royal invitation is verbally given, the answer +should be verbal also.</p> + +<p>At all entertainments at which royal guests are present +they should be received by the host and hostess in the +entrance-hall. In the case of serene highnesses they +should be received by the host and conducted by him to +the hostess; this rule equally applies to the reception of +eastern princes.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_64" id="Page_64">[64]</a></span></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Henceforward there are to be</big></b> in Great Britain no +Princes or Princesses other than those of the Blood Royal. +Only the children and grandchildren of the Sovereign will +hold princely rank; the titles of "Highness" and "Serene +Highness" will disappear; and that of "Royal Highness" +will be reserved to the direct descendants of the King in +the male line.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The King has deemed it desirable</big></b>, in the conditions +brought about by the present war, that those princes +of his family who are his subjects and bear German names +and titles should relinquish these titles and henceforth +adopt British surnames.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>His Majesty has conferred Peerages</big></b> of the United +Kingdom on the following:—The Duke of Teck to be a +Marquis; Prince Alexander of Teck to be the Earl of +Athlone; Prince Louis of Battenberg to be the Marquis +of Milford Haven; and Prince Alexander of Battenberg to +be the Marquis of Carisbrooke.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Indian Princes.</big></b>—The exact status of Indian princes +has never been actually laid down, but all who are "Highnesses" +are given precedence at the English Court and in +society after the Royal Family and foreign princes. In +the procession at Court entertainments they go in front of +ambassadors.</p> + +<p>No Indian prince is considered to be of blood royal, and +they do not stand in the line at levées and Courts, but all +have the private <i>Entrée</i>.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_65" id="Page_65">[65]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER VIII</h2> + +<h3>POINTS OF ETIQUETTE WHEN TRAVELLING ABROAD, AND +PRESENTATIONS AT FOREIGN COURTS</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">The</span> acquaintanceship of foreign residents is of considerable +service to English people purposing to winter abroad, +or to remain for any length of time in a continental +city, as by its means they obtain an entrance into foreign +society. An introduction to the English Ambassador or +Minister at a foreign Court is of still greater service in +this matter.</p> + +<p>People of recognised position in society have the privilege +of leaving cards at the English Embassy at any foreign +city in which they intend making a temporary stay.</p> + +<p>So thoroughly is the position of English travellers known +to the English Ministry at a foreign Court, that should a +person, who is not received in English society, leave cards +at the English Embassy, they would be at once returned as +an intimation that the acquaintance is declined.</p> + +<p>It is erroneous to suppose that by leaving cards upon +foreigners of distinction, an acquaintanceship can be commenced, +for unless introductions have been formally made, +leaving cards is a useless proceeding.</p> + +<p>At far-away spots little frequented by the general run of +travellers, and where there are but few, if any, resident +English, travellers requiring advice or assistance from the +English consul, can, without an introduction, call upon him, +nationality being the ground upon which to do this, and if +of equal social standing, they would be received with social<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_66" id="Page_66">[66]</a></span> +consideration; if otherwise, all assistance would be given +to them from an official point of view. Many people when +travelling abroad make pleasant acquaintances even without +the help of introductions, the occasion of a meeting being +as it were a semi-introduction in itself.</p> + +<p>Such casual acquaintanceships are, however, attended +with certain risks, especially to persons who have been +absent from England some little time, or who when in +England have entered comparatively but little in society, +and who are thus apt to drift unawares into close friendships +with people perhaps well bred and agreeable, although +tabooed at home for some good and sufficient reason. +<i>Contretemps</i> such as these are painful to kind-hearted +people when subsequently compelled to avoid and to +relinquish the acquaintance of those with whom they have +become pleasantly intimate. An introduction to an English +resident in either town or city obviates any unpleasantness +of this nature, as one so situated is generally kept <i>au courant</i> +with all that takes place in society at home.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When persons desire to enter into society abroad</big></b> +they endeavour to obtain letters of introduction from friends +and acquaintances to residents in the cities they purpose +visiting.</p> + +<p>Unless English travellers have been duly presented at +the Court of St James's, they cannot obtain presentations at +foreign Courts through the English Embassies.</p> + +<p>When a lady desires a presentation at a foreign Court, +she should write to the English Ambassadress and request +the honour of a presentation, and should state the date of +her presentation and the name of the lady by whom she was +presented. After her statement has been duly verified the +request is granted. In a like manner when a gentleman +desires a presentation at a foreign Court, he should write to +the Ambassador and request the honour of a presentation, +and should state the date of the Levée at which he was<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_67" id="Page_67">[67]</a></span> +presented, and the name of the person by whom the +presentation was made.</p> + +<p>Presentations at foreign Courts take place in the evening, +and the persons to be presented, and those who attend, +assemble previous to the entrance of the royal personages: +the rule is for the grand <i>maîtresse</i> to present each lady in +turn to her royal mistress, who makes the tour of the +apartment for this purpose, and addresses some courteous +observation to each.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_68" id="Page_68">[68]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER IX</h2> + +<h3>THE RECEIVED MODE OF PRONOUNCING CERTAIN SURNAMES</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">There</span> are, perhaps, two reasons why various surnames are +so frequently mispronounced, the one being unfamiliarity +with the freak of fashion which governs the pronunciation +of certain well-known names, the other ignorance, or want +of education.</p> + +<p>When sensitive persons hear a name pronounced differently +from the way in which they have themselves but just +pronounced it, and in a tone and manner strongly suggestive +of correction, it is wounding to their <i>amour propre</i>.</p> + +<p>As a rule, when persons are in doubt as to the correct +pronunciation of any particular name, it would be best to +avoid mentioning it, if possible, until their doubts are set +at rest by some one better informed than themselves.</p> + +<p>Names that have a fashionable or peculiar pronunciation, +or are pronounced otherwise than as they are spelt, are but +few, and names which it is possible wrongly to accent are +also not very numerous; but it is surprising how often these +names occur in the course of conversation.</p> + +<p>The names of distinguished artists that are open to mispronunciation +occur far oftener in conversation than do the +general run of uncommon surnames.</p> + +<p>There are many celebrated hunts and hunting quarters of +which the names are open to considerable mispronunciation.</p> + +<p>With regard to placing the accent on the wrong syllable +in the pronunciation of names, it requires but little +thought to avoid making this mistake, a popular error being<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_69" id="Page_69">[69]</a></span> +that of placing the accent upon the last syllable of a +name; whereas, in a name of two syllables, the accent +should invariably be placed upon the first, and the second +syllable should be as it were slightly abbreviated or slightly +altered.</p> + +<p>In names of three syllables the error usually consists in +placing the accent upon the last syllable, whereas the accent +should be placed upon the second syllable. There are +occasional exceptions to this rule, and the few names given +in this chapter, both as regards their pronunciation and +accentuation, will serve as a useful guide in the pronunciation +of uncommon names.</p> + +<div class="center"> +<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" summary=""> +<tr><td>SPELT.</td><td class="td4">PRONOUNCED.</td><td>REMARKS.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Abergavenny.</td><td class="td4">Abergen'ny.</td><td><i>Av</i> not sounded.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Arbuthnot.</td><td class="td4">Arbuth'not.</td><td rowspan="4"></td></tr> +<tr><td>Arundel.</td><td class="td4">Arrandel.</td></tr> +<tr class="tr1"><td>Beaconsfield.</td><td class="td4">Beckonsfield.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Beauchamp.</td><td class="td4">Bea'cham.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Beauclerk or Beauclerc.</td><td class="td4">Bo'clair.</td><td>Accent on first syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Belvoir.</td><td class="td4">Be'ver.</td><td rowspan="3"></td></tr> +<tr><td>Berkely.</td><td class="td4">Bark'ley.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Bethune.</td><td class="td4">Bee'ton.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Bicester.</td><td class="td4">Bis'ter.</td><td>Accent on first syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Blount.</td><td class="td4">Blunt.</td><td></td></tr> +<tr><td>Blyth.</td><td class="td4">Bly.</td><td><i>Th</i> not sounded.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Bourke.</td><td class="td4">Burk.</td><td rowspan="3"></td></tr> +<tr><td>Bourne.</td><td class="td4">Burn.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Bowles.</td><td class="td4">Boles.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Breadalbane.</td><td class="td4">Breaddal'bane.</td><td>Accent on second syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Brougham.</td><td class="td4">Broum.</td><td></td></tr> +<tr><td>Buchan.</td><td class="td4">Buck'an.</td><td>Accent on first syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Burdett.</td><td class="td4">Burdett'.</td><td>Accent on last syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Burnett.</td><td class="td4">Burnett'.</td><td>Accent on last syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Bury.</td><td class="td4">Berry.</td><td rowspan="5"></td></tr> +<tr class="tr1"><td>Calderon.</td><td class="td4">Cal'dron not Cauldron.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Charteris.</td><td class="td4">Charters.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Cholmeley.</td><td class="td4">Chum'ley.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Cholmondeley.</td><td class="td4">"</td></tr> +<tr><td>Cirencester.</td><td class="td4">Cis'ester.</td><td>Accent on first syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Clanricarde.</td><td class="td4">Clanrecarde.</td><td>Accent on second syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Cockburn.</td><td class="td4">Cōburn.</td><td><i>Ck</i> not sounded.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_70" id="Page_70">[70]</a></span></td></tr> +<tr><td>Colquhoun.</td><td class="td4">Kohoon'.</td><td>Accent on last syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Conynham.</td><td class="td4">Cunyingham.</td><td rowspan="3"></td></tr> +<tr><td>Coutts.</td><td class="td4">Koots.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Cowper.</td><td class="td4">Cooper.</td></tr> +<tr class="tr1"><td>Dalziel.</td><td class="td4">Dee'al.</td><td>Accent on first syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Derby.</td><td class="td4">Darby.</td><td></td></tr> +<tr><td>Des Vaux.</td><td class="td4">Deveu.</td><td>The <i>x</i> not sounded.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Devereux.</td><td class="td4">Devereu.</td><td>The <i>x</i> not sounded.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Dillwyn.</td><td class="td4">Dil'lun.</td><td>The <i>wy</i> takes the sound of <i>u</i>; the accent on first syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Duchesne.</td><td class="td4">Dukarn.</td><td rowspan="2"></td></tr> +<tr><td>Du Plat.</td><td class="td4">Du Plar.</td></tr> +<tr class="tr1"><td>Elgin.</td><td></td><td>The <i>g</i> hard as in give.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Eyre.</td><td class="td4">Air.</td><td></td></tr> +<tr class="tr1"><td>Fildes.</td><td class="td4">Filedes.</td><td><i>Not</i> Filldes.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Fortescue.</td><td class="td4">Fort'iskew.</td><td rowspan="3"></td></tr> +<tr class="tr1"><td>Geoffrey.</td><td class="td4">Jefrey.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Geoghegan.</td><td class="td4">Gaygan.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Gifford.</td><td class="td4">Jifford.</td><td>The <i>g</i> soft as in George.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Gillett.</td><td rowspan="2"></td><td><i>G</i> hard as in Gilbert.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Gillott.</td><td><i>G</i> hard.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Glamis.</td><td class="td4">Glarms.</td><td></td></tr> +<tr><td>Gorges.</td><td class="td4">Gor'jes.</td><td>First <i>g</i> hard and second <i>g</i> soft.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Gough.</td><td class="td4">Goff.</td><td></td></tr> +<tr><td>Gower.</td><td class="td4">Gor.</td><td>But Gower as regards the street of that name with the general public.</td></tr> +<tr class="tr1"><td>Harcourt.</td><td class="td4">Har'kut.</td><td>Accent on first syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Heathcote.</td><td class="td4">Heth'kut.</td><td rowspan="5"></td></tr> +<tr><td>Hertford.</td><td class="td4">Har'ford.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Home.</td><td class="td4">Hume.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Hughes.</td><td class="td4">Hews.</td></tr> +<tr class="tr1"><td>Jervis.</td><td class="td4">Jarvis.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Johnstone.</td><td></td><td>The <i>t</i> not sounded.</td></tr> +<tr class="tr1"><td>Kennaird.</td><td class="td4">Kennaird'.</td><td>Accent on last syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Kennard.</td><td class="td4">Kennard'.</td><td>Accent on last syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Ker.</td><td class="td4">Kar.</td><td rowspan="7"></td></tr> +<tr><td>Knollys.</td><td class="td4">Knowls.</td></tr> +<tr class="tr1"><td>Layard.</td><td class="td4">Laird.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Leconfield.</td><td class="td4">Lek'onfield.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Lefevre.</td><td class="td4">Lefavre.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_71" id="Page_71">[71]</a></span></td></tr> +<tr><td>Leigh.</td><td class="td4">Lee.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Lyvedon.</td><td class="td4">Livden.</td></tr> +<tr class="tr1"><td>Macnamara.</td><td class="td4">Macnemar'ar.</td><td>Accent on third syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Mainwaring.</td><td class="td4">Man'nering.</td><td rowspan="4"></td></tr> +<tr><td>Marjoribanks.</td><td class="td4">Marshbanks.</td></tr> +<tr><td>McIntosh.</td><td class="td4">Makintosh.</td></tr> +<tr><td>McLeod.</td><td class="td4">McCloud.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Menzies.</td><td class="td4">Myng'es.</td><td>Accent on first syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Meux.</td><td class="td4">Mews.</td><td>The <i>x</i> sounded as <i>s</i>.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Millais.</td><td class="td4">Mil'lay.</td><td>Accent on first syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Milnes.</td><td class="td4">Mills.</td><td></td></tr> +<tr><td>Molyneux.</td><td></td><td>The <i>x</i> sounded, with slight accent on last syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Monck.</td><td class="td4">Munk.</td><td></td></tr> +<tr><td>Monckton.</td><td class="td4">Munk'ton.</td><td>Accent on first syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Monson.</td><td class="td4">Munson.</td><td></td></tr> +<tr><td>Montgomerie or Montgomery.</td><td class="td4">Mungum'ery.</td><td>Accent on second syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Mowbray.</td><td class="td4">Mobrey.</td><td rowspan="3"></td></tr> +<tr class="tr1"><td>Nigel.</td><td class="td4">Ni'jel.</td></tr> +<tr class="tr1"><td>Ouless.</td><td class="td4">Ooless.</td></tr> +<tr class="tr1"><td>Parnell.</td><td class="td4">Parnell'.</td><td>Accent on last syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Pepys.</td><td class="td4">Pep'is.</td><td>Accent on first syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Pierrepont.</td><td class="td4">Pierpont.</td><td rowspan="4"></td></tr> +<tr><td>Ponsonby.</td><td class="td4">Punsonby.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Pontefract.</td><td class="td4">Pomfret.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Pugh.</td><td class="td4">Pew.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Pytchley.</td><td class="td4">Pȳtch'ley.</td><td>Not Pitchley.</td></tr> +<tr class="tr1"><td>Ruthven.</td><td class="td4">Riv'en.</td><td rowspan="4"></td></tr> +<tr class="tr1"><td>Sandys.</td><td class="td4">Sands.</td></tr> +<tr><td>St. Clair.</td><td class="td4">Sinclair.</td></tr> +<tr><td>St. Maur.</td><td class="td4">See'mor, or S'nt Maur.</td></tr> +<tr><td>St. John.</td><td class="td4">Sinjin.</td><td>As regards christian and surname, but as St. John when applied to church or locality.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Seymour.</td><td class="td4">Sey'mer.</td><td>Accent on first syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Strachan.</td><td class="td4">Strawn.</td><td></td></tr> +<tr class="tr1"><td>Tadema.</td><td class="td4">Tad'ymar.</td><td>Accent on first syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Tollemache.</td><td class="td4">Tollmash.</td><td></td></tr> +<tr><td>Trafalgar.</td><td class="td4">Trafalgar'.</td><td>Accent on last syllable; as regards the peer of that name, not otherwise.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_72" id="Page_72">[72]</a></span></td></tr> +<tr><td>Tredegar.</td><td class="td4">Trede'gar.</td><td>Accent on second syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Tremayne.</td><td class="td4">Tremayne'.</td><td>Accent on last syllable.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Tyrrwhitt.</td><td class="td4">Tirritt.</td><td rowspan="2"></td></tr> +<tr class="tr1"><td>Vaughan.</td><td class="td4">Vorn.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Vaux.</td><td></td><td>The <i>x</i> sounded.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Villbois.</td><td class="td4">Vealbwor.</td><td rowspan="2"></td></tr> +<tr><td>Villiers.</td><td class="td4">Vil'lers.</td></tr> +<tr class="tr1"><td>Waldegrave.</td><td class="td4">Wal'grave.</td><td>The <i>de</i> not sounded.</td></tr> +<tr><td>Wemyss.</td><td class="td4">Weems.</td><td rowspan="2"></td></tr> +<tr><td>Willoughby D'Eresby.</td><td class="td4">Willowby D'Ersby.</td></tr> +</table></div> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_73" id="Page_73">[73]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER X</h2> + +<h3>PRESENTATIONS AT COURTS AND ATTENDING COURTS</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">Courts</span> are now held in lieu of Drawing-rooms by Their +Majesties the King and Queen at Buckingham Palace, and +at which Presentations to Their Majesties are made.</p> + +<p>These Courts are held in the evenings at ten o'clock, +but the hour at which the company should commence to +arrive is intimated by the Lord Chamberlain in the notice +issued of the Courts to be held.</p> + +<p>Two Courts are usually, but not invariably, held before +Easter, and two more after Easter.</p> + +<p>Ladies who have been presented at Drawing-rooms +and Courts, held during the last two reigns, do not require +to be again presented to Their Majesties the King and +Queen; thus, ladies who have already been presented +at these Drawing-rooms, and who are desirous of being +invited to one or other of these Courts, and who are +also desirous of making presentations, should send in their +names and the names of those to be presented by them to +the Lord Chamberlain, St. James's Palace, S.W., on +the 1st of January in each year, but not before that +date.</p> + +<p>Ladies are also privileged to mention at the same time +when it will be most convenient to them to pay their respects +to Their Majesties. If it should not be convenient for a +lady to attend or be presented at the particular Court to +which she is invited, it will be open to her to make her +excuses to the Lord Chamberlain in writing, when her<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_74" id="Page_74">[74]</a></span> +name can, if desired, and if possible, be transferred to +another list.</p> + +<p>A lady who makes a presentation to Their Majesties, +must be personally acquainted with and responsible for the +lady she presents. She must herself attend the Court, and +cannot present more than one lady in addition to her +daughter or daughter-in-law. The numbers received at +each Court being necessarily limited, ladies can only receive +occasional invitations. Therefore, those who cannot be +included in the year's list of invitations will receive an +intimation to this effect from the Lord Chamberlain in +answer to their applications to attend.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Persons entitled to be presented at Their +Majesties' Courts</big></b> are the wives and daughters of the +members of the aristocracy, the wives and daughters of +those holding high official appointments in the Government, +the wives and daughters of Members of Parliament, +the county gentry and town gentry, the wives and +daughters of the members of the legal, military, naval, +clerical, medical, and other professions, the wives and +daughters of merchants, bankers, and members of the +Stock Exchange, and persons engaged in commerce on a +large scale.</p> + +<p>Although the word "gentry" is thus elastic, and although +persons coming within the category might be fairly entitled +to the privilege of attending Courts, yet it is well understood +that birth, wealth, associations, and position give a +<i>raison d'être</i> for such privilege; as, for instance, the wife +and daughters of an officer in the navy or a line regiment, +whose means are slender, and whose position is obscure, +would not be justified for these reasons in attending a +Court, although the officer himself might attend a levée if +desirous of doing so; and this remark equally applies to +the wives and daughters of clergymen, barristers, and others +similarly situated.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_75" id="Page_75">[75]</a></span></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Presentations to Their Majesties</big></b> are made +officially by the various foreign ambassadresses, by the +wives of the members of the Cabinet, and by the wives +of other official personages in various departments of the +State, either civil, military, naval, or clerical.</p> + +<p>Presentations at each of Their Majesties' Courts are +now limited by royal command.</p> + +<p>Presentations to Their Majesties should be made either +by a relative or a friend of the lady presented who has +herself been previously presented.</p> + +<p>A lady has the privilege of presenting one lady only at +a Court in addition to her daughter or daughter-in-law.</p> + +<p>This restriction does not apply to ladies who, from +official position or other circumstances, are specially privileged +to make presentations to Their Majesties.</p> + +<p>When a presentation is not made officially or by a near +relative it is considered a favour on the part of the person +making the presentation towards the person presented.</p> + +<p>The responsibility of a presentation rests upon the +person who makes it, both as to the social and moral fitness +of the person presented; therefore, to solicit the favour +of a presentation from a friend is to incur a considerable +obligation, and it is a favour ladies have no hesitation in +refusing unless good reasons exist for granting it.</p> + +<p>When presentations are made through official channels +the responsibility rests upon the "office" rather than upon +the person making the presentation; hence presentations so +made have little personal significance to the person making +them.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A Lady having been presented on her Marriage</big></b> +has the privilege of attending, by invitation, any +subsequent Court, but ladies who have no official position +will only be allowed to attend a Court by summons every +third year. On the accession of her husband to any title, +she would again have to be presented, and should she marry<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_76" id="Page_76">[76]</a></span> +a second time another presentation would be necessary to +entitle her to attend one of Their Majesties' Courts.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>It is the Privilege of the Married Lady to +make Presentations</big></b>, but should any person be presented +whose antecedents or present position renders her +socially unqualified to be presented, the Lord Chamberlain, +on becoming aware of the fact, would at once cancel the +presentation, and officially announce it in the <i>Gazette</i>, and +the person making such presentation would be expected +to tender an apology for so doing.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>An Unmarried Lady does not possess the +Privilege</big></b> of making a presentation, however high her +rank may be. She is not permitted to attend any subsequent +Courts after first presentation until three years have elapsed; +save under exceptional circumstances.</p> + +<p>Four Courts are held during each year at Buckingham +Palace, two before and two after Easter, but due intimation +is given previous to each Court being held by the Lord +Chamberlain through the medium of the official <i>Gazette</i>, +from whence it is copied into the newspapers.</p> + +<p>The wives of members of the Cabinet and of the +ambassadors or ministers at the Court of St. James's usually +attend at each Court, and have the privilege of doing so +by reason of the official presentations made by them at +each Court.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>It is compulsory for a Lady</big></b> making a presentation +to be herself present at the Court at which the presentation +is to be made, though it is not necessary for her to +accompany the person whom she presents, but simply to +attend the same Court.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When a Lady intends making a Presentation</big></b> +she should, on or after the 1st of January write to the Lord<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_77" id="Page_77">[77]</a></span> +Chamberlain and inform him of a wish to attend a Court, +and forward the name of the lady to be presented by her.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Ladies are not expected</big></b> to attend Court more +than once in every three years, unless under exceptional +circumstances.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A Lady attending a Court</big></b> may present one lady +in addition to her daughter or daughter-in-law.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A Lady presented for the First Time</big></b> can only +present her daughter or daughter-in-law at the Court at +which she is presented.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>No Applications can be received</big></b> from ladies who +wish to be presented. Their names must be forwarded by +the ladies who wish to make the presentations.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Summonses are issued</big></b> about three weeks before the +date of each Court.</p> + +<p>Ladies may be accompanied to Court by their husbands +if the latter have been presented, but gentlemen do not +pass before the King and Queen. Ladies are requested to +forward the names of their husbands at the same time as +their own, in order that they may be submitted together, as +once the summons has been issued the amending of a +summons card in order to include a lady's husband can +only be permitted under the most exceptional circumstances.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Those who have the Privilege of the Entrée</big></b> +enter at the gate of the Palace situated outside Buckingham +Gate. Those who possess this privilege are the diplomatic +circle, the Cabinet ministers and their wives, and the +members of the Household. The rooms, two in number, +next to the Presence Chamber, are appropriated to them. +All who have the privilege of the <i>entrée</i> are received by +Their Majesties before the general circle, and according to +their individual precedency, and they have also the privilege +of making the first presentations.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_78" id="Page_78">[78]</a></span></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When a Lady arrives at the Palace</big></b> she should +leave her wraps in the cloak-room with one of the maids +in attendance. After crossing the Great Hall, she then +makes her way up the Grand Staircase to the Corridor, +where she shows her invitation-card to the page-in-waiting, +and then passes on to one of the saloons.</p> + +<p>When a lady arrives early she gains admission to the +saloon next to those reserved for the <i>entrée</i>. When she +arrives late she has to take her place in a further room of +the suite according to the number of persons present.</p> + +<p>The gentlemen-at-arms stationed at the door of each +room close the gilt barriers when they consider the saloons +are full. Chairs and benches are placed in the corridor +and in these saloons for the accommodation of ladies thus +waiting their turn to enter the Throne-room or Presence +Chamber.</p> + +<p>As the ladies quit each room for the Presence Chamber, +others take their places, and the barriers are again closed, +and this is continued until every one has been received.</p> + +<p>A lady has to pass through the two <i>entrée</i> saloons before +reaching the Picture Gallery.</p> + +<p>At the door of the Picture Gallery a lady's train, which +she has hitherto carried on her arm, is let down by two +officials in attendance, and spread out by them with their +wands; she should cross the gallery with her train down to +the Presence Chamber, at the door of which she should give +the card of invitation she has brought with her to the +official stationed there to receive it.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A Lady on being presented</big></b>, curtsys to the King +and curtsys to the Queen. The King bows in return, as +does also the Queen. A lady presented does not kiss the +Queen's hand, as she formerly did. The King does not +shake hands with any present, however high their rank may +be, neither does the Queen shake hands with any present.</p> + +<p>A lady on being presented does not now curtsy to any<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_79" id="Page_79">[79]</a></span> +member of the Royal Family when she has passed Their +Majesties, and leaves the Presence Chamber, stepping +backwards, facing the royal party, until making her exit from +the apartment, when an official places her train on her arm +at the threshold of the doorway.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When a Lady wishes to attend a Court</big></b>, after +having been duly presented, it is necessary to inform the +Lord Chamberlain of her wish to attend. Summonses are +issued about three weeks before the date of each Court.</p> + +<p>Having received a summons to attend a Court she +should take the summons card with her, which she should +show to the page-in-waiting in the corridor, and eventually +hand it to the official stationed at the door of the Presence +Chamber, by whom it is passed on to the Lord Chamberlain, +who announces the name to Their Majesties.</p> + +<p>A lady attending a Court curtsys to the King; she also +curtsys to the Queen, but does not curtsy to any other +member of the Royal Family present.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>In the General Circle there is no Precedency</big></b> +as to the order in which ladies attending a Court enter the +Presence Chamber. The earliest arrivals are the first to +appear before Their Majesties, without reference to rank +or position; and the same rule applies to ladies who are +presented, or to ladies who make presentations.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A Married Lady presented at a Court</big></b> can, at the +same Court, present her daughter or daughter-in-law; but +in this case the one presented by her should enter the +Presence Chamber after her, and not before her.</p> + +<p>Although, according to present regulations, the unmarried +daughters of members of the nobility and gentry who have +already been presented are only expected to attend a Court +once in every three years, it will not prevent their being<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_80" id="Page_80">[80]</a></span> +invited to Court functions, to the State balls, concerts, and +garden parties.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Ladies who have been presented at a Court</big></b> +have the privilege of writing their names in Their Majesties' +visiting book at Buckingham Palace once during the season. +The hours of calling for this purpose are generally from +three to five o'clock in the afternoon.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>It is Imperative for Ladies to wear Full Court +Dress</big></b> when attending or being presented at a Court, viz. +low bodice, short sleeves, and train to dress not less than +three yards in length from the shoulders.</p> + +<p>Whether the train is cut round or square is a matter +of inclination or fashion. The width at the end should be +54 inches.</p> + +<p>It is also imperative that a presentation-dress should be +white, if the person presented be an unmarried lady; and +it is also the fashion for married ladies to wear white on +their presentation, unless their age renders their doing so +unsuitable.</p> + +<p>The white dresses worn by either <i>débutantes</i> or married +ladies may be trimmed with either coloured or white flowers, +according to individual taste.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>High Court Dress.</big></b>—The Queen has been pleased to +permit that a high Court dress of silk, satin, or velvet, may +be worn at Their Majesties' Courts, and on other State +occasions, by ladies, to whom, from illness, infirmity, or +advancing age, the present low Court dress is inappropriate, +viz.: Bodices in front, cut square, or heart-shaped, which +may be filled in with white only, either transparent or +lined; at the back, high, or cut down three-quarters height. +Sleeves to elbow, either thick or transparent.</p> + +<p>Trains, gloves, and feathers as usual.</p> + +<p>It is necessary for ladies who wish to appear in "High<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_81" id="Page_81">[81]</a></span> +Court Dress" to obtain Royal permission, through the +Lord Chamberlain.</p> + +<p>This regulation does not apply to ladies who have +already received permission to wear high dress.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>White gloves only should be worn</big></b>, excepting in +case of mourning, when black or grey gloves are admissible.</p> + +<p>As a lady on presentation does not now kiss the Queen's +hand as formerly she did, she is not required to remove the +right-hand glove before entering the Presence Chamber. +This order, therefore, is no longer in force, and a lady +wearing elbow gloves and bracelets will find it a great +convenience not to be obliged to take off her glove.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>It is compulsory for both Married and Unmarried +Ladies to Wear Plumes.</big></b>—The married +lady's Court plume consists of three white feathers.</p> + +<p>An unmarried lady's of two white feathers.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The three white feathers</big></b> should be mounted as a +Prince of Wales' plume, and worn towards the left-hand side +of the head.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Coloured feathers</big></b> may not be worn.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>In deep mourning</big></b> white feathers must be worn, +black feathers are inadmissible.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>White veils or lace lappets</big></b> must be worn with the +feathers. The veils should not be longer than 45 inches.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Bouquets are not included</big></b> in the dress regulations +issued by the Lord Chamberlain, although they are invariably +carried by both married and unmarried ladies. It is +thus optional to carry a bouquet or not, and some elderly +ladies carry much smaller bouquets than do younger ladies.</p> + +<p>A fan and a lace pocket-handkerchief are also carried +by a lady on presentation or on attending a Court, but +these two items are also altogether optional.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_82" id="Page_82">[82]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XI</h2> + +<h3>PRESENTATIONS AT LEVÉES AND ATTENDING LEVÉES</h3> + +<p class="noin"><b><big>Levées are held by the King</big></b> in person. Those who +have been presented at levées held by His late Majesty, +King Edward, do not require to be again presented to His +Majesty King George.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Four or more Levées are usually held every +year</big></b> by the King at St. James's Palace.</p> + +<p>Gentlemen are officially presented by the heads of any +department or profession to which they individually belong, +whether civil or military, naval or clerical; it is more usual +for a gentleman to be presented by the head of his department, +or by the colonel of his regiment, than by his nearest +relative.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Presentations are also made by Relatives</big></b> and +friends of those presented; but these are greatly in the +minority at all levées.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Gentlemen must be again presented</big></b> at every +step in their career, whether civil, military, naval, or clerical—on +civil appointments, on gaining steps of naval, military, +legal, or clerical rank, and on accession to title, whether +inherited or conferred.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Those entitled to be presented at His Majesty's +Levées are</big></b> the members of the aristocracy and gentry, +the members of the diplomatic corps, the Cabinet, and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_83" id="Page_83">[83]</a></span> +all leading Government officials, Members of Parliament, +leading members of the legal profession, the naval and +military professions, the leading members of the clerical +profession, the leading members of the medical and artistic +professions, the leading bankers, merchants, and members +of the Stock Exchange, and persons engaged in commerce +on a large scale. An exception to the rule as regards +retail trade is made in favour of any person receiving +Knighthood, or when holding the office of Mayor, or being +made a Justice of the Peace, or on receiving a Commission +in the Territorial forces.</p> + +<p>The dates on which levées are to be held are duly +announced in the <i>Gazette</i>, and in the daily newspapers.</p> + +<p>At all future levées cards of admission will be required, +as the numbers at each of these ceremonies must be limited.</p> + +<p>The Lord Chamberlain has issued the following revised +list of rules, which are to be observed at attendances and +presentations in future—</p> + +<p>All officers, whether on the active or retired lists, of the +Royal Navy and the Royal Marines, of whatever rank, +should communicate with and obtain their cards from the +private secretary to the First Lord of the Admiralty. All +civil officers of the Admiralty should follow the same rule.</p> + +<p>All officers, whether on the active or retired lists, of +the Army, Regulars or Territorials, of whatever rank, +except those on the Indian and Colonial Establishments, +should communicate with and obtain their cards from the +Adjutant-General at the War Office, stating clearly at which +levée they desire to be present, and whether they wish to +attend or to be presented; if the latter, stating by whom +and on what occasion. Deputy lieutenants of counties +should also communicate and obtain their cards from the +War Office.</p> + +<p>Officers of the Household Cavalry and Foot Guards on +the active list should make application to the Lord Chamberlain +at St. James's Palace for cards of admission and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_84" id="Page_84">[84]</a></span> +presentation. All retired Officers of the Household Cavalry +and Brigade of Guards should apply to the War Office.</p> + +<p>All officers of the Indian Civil Service and of the Indian +Army, of whatever rank, whether on the active or retired +lists, should communicate with and obtain their cards from +the private secretary to the Secretary of State at the India +Office, Whitehall.</p> + +<p>All officers of the Colonial service and Colonial forces, +of whatever rank, whether on the active or retired lists, +should communicate with and obtain their cards from the +Colonial Office, Whitehall.</p> + +<p>Similarly, all gentlemen connected with the Foreign +Office, the Home Office, officials connected with the Houses +of Parliament, or any Government department, should communicate +with and obtain their cards for attendance or presentation +at levées from the department under which they serve.</p> + +<p>Judges, law officers, King's Counsel, and all legal officials +holding appointments under the Crown are requested to +make their applications through the secretary to the Lord +Chancellor.</p> + +<p>Peers, bishops, Lords-Lieutenants of Counties, Members +of Parliament, clergy of all denominations, and all gentlemen, +other than the above-mentioned, should communicate +with the Lord Chamberlain at St. James's Palace, when +they will each be furnished with a card of admission for use +at the levée.</p> + +<p>The names both for attendance and presentation must +be received at the various offices above indicated not later +than eight days prior to the date of each levée, but in the +case of officers, who make application to the War Office, +fourteen days before the date of each levée.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When a Gentleman makes a Presentation</big></b> it is +compulsory for him to attend the same levée as the person +whom he presents, and the card of presentation is sent to +him to be forwarded to the person to be presented.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_85" id="Page_85">[85]</a></span></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A Gentleman on being presented</big></b> should bow to +the King, and His Majesty will bow to him in return. +Gentlemen attending a levée should also bow to His Majesty.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Gentlemen who have been presented</big></b> at a levée +have the privilege of writing their names in His Majesty's +visiting book at Buckingham Palace once during the season. +The hours of calling for this purpose are generally from +three to five o'clock in the afternoon.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Dress to be worn at Courts, State +Functions and Levées.</big></b>—Full dress uniform is invariably +worn by all gentlemen entitled to wear it. All officers of +Scottish kilted corps should wear the kilt irrespective of +their being mounted officers or not. Gentlemen who do +not wear uniform may wear either velvet Court dress, +new style; velvet Court dress, old style; cloth Court +dress.</p> + +<p>The new style velvet Court dress is of black silk velvet. +The body of the coat lined with white silk and the skirt +with black silk. Steel buttons. Waistcoat of white satin +or black silk velvet. Breeches of black silk velvet, black +silk hose, patent leather shoes, steel buckled; white bow +necktie, white gloves, sword, black beaver or silk cocked +hat. The velvet Court dress, old style, is very similar to +the foregoing, with the addition of a black silk wig-bag at +the back of the neck, and lace frills and ruffles. The cloth +Court dress consists of a coat of dark mulberry, claret, or +green cloth with black silk linings, gold embroidery on +collar, cuffs, and pocket flaps, gilt buttons with Imperial +Crown; waistcoat of white corded silk or white Marcella; +breeches of cloth, colour of coat; black silk hose, patent +leather shoes, sword, white bow necktie, white gloves, black +beaver or silk cocked hat.</p> + +<p>Levée dress is identical with the foregoing except that +trousers—with a row of narrow gold lace down the side<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_86" id="Page_86">[86]</a></span> +seams—are worn, and not breeches. Military patent leather +boots.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Archbishops and Bishops</big></b> at Levées and Courts +wear Convocation robes, viz. scarlet cloth chimere, without +hood; purple cassock and sash, lawn rochet with sleeves, +white cambric bands, black silk scarf, black breeches, silver +knee buckles, black silk stockings, shoes with silver buckles; +purple or black velvet square soft cap to be carried. At +Evening State Functions and Full Dress Dinners they wear +a purple cloth Court coat over a short cassock or apron, +sash of purple silk, black breeches, black silk stockings, +shoes with silver buckles; black corded silk three-cornered +hat to be carried.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Deans and Archdeacons</big></b> at Evening State Functions +wear the same dress as bishops except that the coat and +short cassock are black. Doctors of Divinity at Levées +and Courts wear the scarlet cloth robe of their University, +without hood.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Clergy if not Doctors of Divinity</big></b> at Levées and +Courts wear full canonicals, that is, a black silk Geneva +gown, double-breasted; black silk long cassock and sash, +scarf and white lawn bands, black breeches, silver knee +buckles, black silk stockings, shoes with silver buckles, +black corded silk three-cornered hat. At Full Dress +Dinners and Evening State Parties when canonicals are +not worn, they wear a black cloth Court coat, cassock, +waistcoat of black corded silk, black breeches, black silk +stockings, shoes, silver buckles; black corded silk three-cornered +hat to be carried. White gloves are worn at all +Court functions. The academical habit should not be +worn at Court except when addresses are presented from +the Universities.</p> + +<p>When the Court is in mourning, gentlemen attending a +levée are expected to wear a band of black crape on the +left arm above the elbow.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_87" id="Page_87">[87]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XII</h2> + +<h3>BALLS AND STATE BALLS</h3> + +<p class="noin"><b><big>Balls</big></b> are given in town and country by society at large, and +these invitation balls include Hunt Balls, Military and Naval +Balls, Yeomanry and Territorial Balls, Bachelors' Balls, etc.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Public Balls</big></b> are those balls for which tickets of +admission can be purchased, although for many of these +balls it is necessary to obtain vouchers from the committees +or patronesses, when held in town or at watering-places.</p> + +<p>Public balls include County Balls, Charity Balls, and +Subscription Balls, etc.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>In Town, Ball-giving</big></b> is in a way a science, and an +amusement upon which large sums of money are frequently +expended.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A Crowded Ball</big></b> is not always pronounced a good ball +by the guests, often the contrary, but then, again, what is +termed a thin ball is open to the accusation of not going +off well, and falling rather flat; of not being kept up with +spirit, and of being considered a stupid ball, and so on.</p> + +<p>To hit upon a happy medium with regard to the number +of guests is an achievement in ball-giving which is only +arrived at by a careful study of the map of the county, +and a judicious selection of night. This selection is of +paramount importance to the success of a ball, as when +a smarter ball is given at a smarter house on the particular<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_88" id="Page_88">[88]</a></span> +evening chosen by the giver of a less brilliant ball, the +grander ball extinguishes the lesser ball, through the most +fashionable people merely looking in at the one, and remaining +the rest of the evening at the other. This putting out +as it were of the lesser light, occurs very frequently during +the London season to ball-givers moving in the same sets. +The guests who have been expected to add lustre to the +lesser balls appear but for a few minutes, and usually arrive +rather early, uncomplimentarily early, at perhaps a little +before eleven, and remain hardly half an hour in the rooms, +making their way to another ball of the same calibre, and +remaining there perhaps another twenty minutes, before +arriving at the goal, viz. <i>the</i> ball of the evening. Both +ladies and gentlemen follow this practice, thus, at a little +after twelve, an average ball-giver finds her rooms deserted +by all but those who have nowhere else to go. Although +the flitting of the guests thus early is a disappointment to +the hostess, and although it does not prevent the fleeting +ball-givers from making suitable returns by placing the +family on their ball lists, it yet greatly mars the enjoyment +of the ball, and prevents its being looked back upon with +anything approaching to pleasure or satisfaction, the departure +of the most eligible partners being not the least of +the vexations of the night.</p> + +<p>These <i>contretemps</i> are sometimes unavoidable; but, when +practicable, it is always best to postpone a ball rather than +to allow it to clash with a ball of greater pretensions.</p> + +<p>An impromptu dance is often a great success, while an +impromptu ball is almost as certain to prove a great failure.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Difference between a Dance and a Ball</big></b> consists +in the number of the invitations issued, in the strength +of the band, and the extent of the supper arrangements.</p> + +<p>At a dance the number of the guests varies from eighty +to two hundred; at a ball they vary from two hundred to +five hundred.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_89" id="Page_89">[89]</a></span></p> + +<p>At a dance a piano band is frequently engaged, while at +a ball a full band is requisite. At a ball the floral decorations +are a great feature, at a small dance they are often +dispensed with. Ladies new to society as it were, or whose +circle of acquaintance is of a limited character, and who do +not number in that circle many ball-givers, and who yet +desire to form a ball acquaintance, frequently place their +ball in the hands of some intimate friend of higher standing +than themselves, giving her <i>carte blanche</i> to form a ball list. +When this plan is followed, invitations are still sent out by +the ball-giver; in every case the name and compliments of +the lady who forms the list are sent with the card.</p> + +<p>This plan, although of advantage to the hostess, is often +productive of much unpleasantness to her unfashionable +friends, who are naturally very much affronted at being +excluded from the ball list, which they usually are, as a lady +who undertakes to form a ball list for a friend is not a little +arbitrary as to the conditions under which she assumes its +management. She naturally wishes the ball to be confined +to her own set, to the exclusion of what she terms all outsiders.</p> + +<p>Ladies are always more or less reluctant to yield up their +ball to the exclusion of their old friends, however anxious +they may be to make new ones. But when a ball is thus +given it is thoroughly understood that conditions, however +stringent, must be complied with.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A Hostess should receive her Guests</big></b> at the head +of the staircase at a ball given in town, and at the door of +the ball-room at a country house ball. She should shake +hands with each guest in the order of their arrival.</p> + +<p>The ladies of a party should advance towards the hostess, +followed by the gentlemen of their party.</p> + +<p>A lady and gentleman should not ascend the staircase +arm-in-arm, or make their entrance into the ball-room arm-in-arm. +The gentlemen invariably enter the ball-room +after the ladies of their party, and never before them, or<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_90" id="Page_90">[90]</a></span> +arm-in-arm with them. A ball is usually opened either by +the hostess herself, or by one of her daughters.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Opening a Fancy Dress Ball</big></b> simply signifies dancing +in the first quadrille. Opening a dance means dancing +the first valse.</p> + +<p>When a member of the Royal Family, or a foreign +prince, is expected, dancing should not commence until the +arrival of the royal guest; and when the royal guest is a lady, +the host should open the ball with her, having his wife or +daughter as <i>vis-à-vis</i>. When the royal guest is a prince, the +hostess or her daughter should open the ball with him.</p> + +<p>When a prince wishes to dance with any lady present, +with whom he is unacquainted, his equerry informs her of +the prince's intention, and conducts her to the prince, +saying as he does so, "Mrs. A——, your Royal Highness" +or "Miss B——, your Royal Highness." The prince +bows and offers her his arm; the lady should curtsy and +take it. She should not address him until addressed by +him, it not being considered etiquette to do so. The same +course is followed by a princess; strangers to the princess +should not ask her to dance, but the host has the privilege +of doing so. When more than one royal personage is +present, the one of the highest rank leads the way, with +either hostess or host. (See <a href="#Page_44">Chapter V.</a>)</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Royal Guests</big></b> should be received by the host and +hostess at the entrance of the mansion, and by them +conducted to the ball-room. At ball-suppers the same +precedence is strictly in force, the royal guests leading the +way with host or hostess (see p. <a href="#Page_49">49</a>).</p> + +<p>The same etiquette should be observed on the departure +of royal guests as on their arrival.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>General Introductions</big></b> should not be made to royal +guests, and introductions should be made by request only.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_91" id="Page_91">[91]</a></span></p> + +<p>Gentlemen present at a ball are expected to ask the +daughters of the house for one dance at least.</p> + +<p>A hostess should use her own discretion as to any +introduction she thinks proper to make. When a ball is +given in the country, the hostess should endeavour to +find partners for those young ladies who are strangers +to the general company. But when a ball is given in +town, she is not expected to do so, as in town the +guests are supposed to be acquainted with each other +more or less, and to be independent of the kind offices +of a hostess.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Dances mainly in vogue at the moment</big></b> are, +"Valses," "The Boston," "Two Steps," and "The Cotillon," +in which handsome presents are given. "Quadrilles" +are danced at "State Balls," and at those balls at which +the King and Queen are present. Also at "Fancy Dress +Balls." "Lancers" are danced occasionally at "Hunt +Balls."</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Precedency observed</big></b> in sending guests in to +supper is far more punctiliously followed in the country +than in town. The host should take in the lady of highest +rank present, and the hostess should endeavour to send in +the principal guests according to their individual rank; +but in town she generally leaves the guests to follow the +host and lady of highest rank according to their inclinations, +a guest should not enter the supper-room before the host +has done so.</p> + +<p>When a gentleman takes a lady in to supper, he should +re-conduct her to the ball-room as a matter of course; the +fact of friends joining her in the supper-room would not +relieve him from this obligation. And the same etiquette +applies equally to a lady. She should return to the ball-room +only with the gentleman who has taken her down +to supper, unless she is engaged for the ensuing dance,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_92" id="Page_92">[92]</a></span> +when her partner might come in quest of her; she should +then return to the ball-room with him.</p> + +<p>It is not usual for guests to take leave of a hostess at a +London ball. This remark applies to acquaintances of the +hostess, and not to intimate friends.</p> + +<p>At a country ball the guests are on a more friendly +footing than is generally the case in town; and, therefore, +make a point of taking leave of the hostess if possible.</p> + +<p>It is optional whether a host conducts a lady to her +carriage or not. In the country more is expected of him +than in town in this respect, as at a London ball, such a +civility would involve a vast amount of exertion which few +hosts would be willing to undergo: ladies accompanied by +an acquaintance generally make their way to their carriages.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Custom of covering in Small Balconies</big></b> and +the windows of the drawing-rooms where a ball takes place, +rendering the atmosphere of the room almost insupportable +from the total exclusion of air, is fast disappearing. The +space gained by this means for the accommodation of the +guests is totally disproportionate to the discomfort thereby +entailed upon them.</p> + +<p>Ball-givers have at length realised the mistake of +crowding two hundred to three hundred people together +into rooms not properly ventilated, and it is now the rule, +when covering in balconies, to introduce window frames +into the bunting covering, and to drape them with lace +curtains, etc., the windows of the ball-room being entirely +removed.</p> + +<p>Large blocks of ice are frequently placed in convenient +spots for the purpose of cooling the atmosphere, and +coloured ice produces a pretty effect.</p> + +<p>Patent ventilators are also much in use, and the substitution +of electric lighting, on account of its emitting little +heat, has become general.</p> + +<p>Ball-goers appreciate these alterations as only those who<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_93" id="Page_93">[93]</a></span> +have experienced the close, stifling atmosphere of an over-crowded +ball-room can do, and as half the London ball-rooms +are only average-sized drawing-rooms, the absurdity +of excluding air from the ball-room with yards of thick +canvas cannot be too severely criticised.</p> + +<p>Ball-givers, too, frequently issue far more invitations +than the size of their rooms authorises, under the mistaken +idea that to have a great crowd in their rooms is to give +a good ball.</p> + +<p>But experienced ball-givers limit the number of their +invitations to under two hundred, instead of expanding it +to over three hundred.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Country Ball Season</big></b> ostensibly commences in +November, reaches its zenith in January, and terminates +early in February.</p> + +<p>The stewards of these balls are, as a rule, the representatives +of the various classes by whom they are attended; +the members of the aristocracy residing in the county +heading the list of stewards, and the members of the +professional classes usually closing it.</p> + +<p>The top of the ball-room is, as a rule, appropriated +by the aristocratic element, head stewards and "lady +patronesses."</p> + +<p>The enjoyment derived from country balls depends +upon a variety of circumstances, which do not influence in +a like degree the ball-going world of London.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>County Balls</big></b> are principally composed of a series of +large parties brought by different ladies in the neighbourhood +where the ball is held; but there are two classes of +county balls, balls which are held in large and populous +towns and attended by the principal residents of the towns, +with only a small sprinkling of the county aristocracy and +county gentry.</p> + +<p>There are also Hunt Balls and annual Charity Balls<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_94" id="Page_94">[94]</a></span> +which take place between October and February, and which +are an amalgamation of both classes of balls.</p> + +<p>The neighbourhood where a ball is held is a sufficient +indication as to whether it is likely to be a smart one or not.</p> + +<p>As a rule the leading ladies of a county lend their names +as patronesses and supporters of a charity ball, although it +by no means follows that they will personally attend it; but +a long list of influential patronesses materially increases the +sale of tickets, which is the result to be achieved.</p> + +<p>A large attendance is not the primary object of a county +ball, as the sum raised by the sale of tickets is only required +to defray the expenses of the ball, although these are sometimes +considerable, especially when the decorations are +elaborate, and the arrangements on a grand scale, in which +case there is not seldom a deficiency rather than a surplus, +which deficiency is defrayed by the stewards themselves.</p> + +<p>To ensure a good ball considerable unanimity on the +part of the county ladies is demanded, and they usually +meet and consult together previous to fixing the date of the +ball, to take into consideration the fixtures of neighbouring +county balls, and so avoid the possibility of the said balls +clashing with their own county ball, and also with a view of +perhaps attracting the house parties of their more distant +neighbours to swell the numbers at their own ball.</p> + +<p>House parties invited for a ball vary from ten to twenty-five, +as the accommodation of a house admits.</p> + +<p>It is not the province of the stewards of a ball to find +partners for either ladies or gentlemen, and therefore, if a +lady does not form one of a large party, but merely attends +a county ball with a relative or friend, and has not a large +acquaintance amongst these present, she has very little +chance of obtaining partners.</p> + +<p>Young ladies do not now return to their chaperons after +each dance, or after they have been to the tea-room.</p> + +<p>A gentleman should offer his arm to his partner at the +conclusion of a dance to conduct her to the tea-room.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_95" id="Page_95">[95]</a></span> +In round dances, it is customary to take frequent pauses, +and not to race round the ball-room until the music +ceases.</p> + +<p>At country balls programmes are invariably used; at +London balls they are never used, save at public balls.</p> + +<p>County balls usually commence between nine and ten +o'clock, sometimes a ball is not opened until the most +influential of the stewards and their parties have arrived, +but oftener than not the two first dances are over before the +arrival of the county magnates.</p> + +<p>It depends upon the length of the drive at what time +people arrive at a ball; as a rule, they do not arrive later +than 10.30 p.m.</p> + +<p>The usual mode of conveying a house-party to a ball is +by private omnibus in addition to carriages and motor-cars; +but when these are hired for the occasion the expense +should be defrayed by the guests themselves.</p> + +<p>It is usual to leave a country ball not later than half-past +two; the most fashionable people invariably do so +about that hour.</p> + +<p>As a matter of course persons attending public balls take +their ball tickets with them.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When attending a Military Ball</big></b>, or a Hunt Ball, +it is usually the rule to take the invitation card and hand it +to the sergeant or official in attendance.</p> + +<p>It is sometimes stated on the invitation card that this +is to be done, although it is often taken for granted that +persons will do so of their own accord.</p> + +<p>At balls given by private individuals, the invited guests +should not bring their invitation cards with them, unless in +the case of a <i>bal masqué</i>, where they are sometimes requested +to do so.</p> + +<p>In giving a ball three weeks' notice is considered necessary, +but with regard to a dance a short ten days' notice +would suffice.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_96" id="Page_96">[96]</a></span></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Invitation Card</big></b> is the usual "at home" card, +the word "Dancing" being printed in the corner of the +card.</p> + +<p>The word "ball" should never be used on an invitation +card, however grand the entertainment; and the same form +of invitation is employed either in the case of a small dance +or of a large ball, though in the event of a small dance only +being given, the words "Small" or "Early" should be +written or printed on the invitation card.</p> + +<p>Invitations to a ball should be issued in the name of the +hostess only.</p> + +<p>When the host is a widower, with a grown-up daughter, +the invitations should be issued in their joint names.</p> + +<p>When the host is a widower, or a bachelor, they should +be issued in his name.</p> + +<p>Invitations issued by officers, members of hunt committees, +bachelors, etc., to their balls, either request the +pleasure or the honour of Mrs. ——'s company; but this +formula should not be used by ladies when issuing invitations; +the "at home" card should simply bear the word +"Dancing" on the bottom of the card, the hour and date +filled in in the allotted space, the name of the guest written +at the top of the card.</p> + +<p>In the case of a written invitation, it would be correct +to use the words "ball" or "dance" when alluding to the +entertainment about to be given, in a friendly note.</p> + +<p>A lady or gentleman might ask for an invitation for his +or her friend to a ball given by an acquaintance, although +the acquaintanceship were of a slight character; but a lady +or gentleman should not ask for an invitation to a ball if +unacquainted with the giver of it. The fact of mutual friends +having received invitations to a ball gives no claim upon +the hospitality of a stranger, therefore such requests are +inadmissible.</p> + +<p>The proper course for a person to pursue in the event of +desiring an invitation to a ball given by some one with<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_97" id="Page_97">[97]</a></span> +whom he or she is unacquainted, is to request some mutual +friend to obtain one; and this course is always followed.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Cards should be left</big></b> by the guests present at a ball +within the current week if possible. (See <a href="#Page_19">Chapter III.</a>)</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Gratuities</big></b> should never be given by the guests to the +servants of the house where a ball is given.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>State Balls.</big></b>—Two State Balls are annually given at +Buckingham Palace during the London season by command +of His Majesty. Invitations are issued by the Lord +Chamberlain, but His Majesty previously revises the list.</p> + +<p>When ladies and gentlemen attend a State Ball at +Buckingham Palace they make their way to the ball-room +<i>unannounced</i>; and there is no official reception accorded to +them, either by "Royalty" or by the Lord Chamberlain.</p> + +<p>Dancing does not commence until the arrival of the royal +party, when the guests rise and remain standing while the +Royal Quadrille—with which the ball opens—is being danced.</p> + +<p>The King and Queen act as host and hostess on these +occasions, but confine their attentions to those with whom +they are personally acquainted.</p> + +<p>Ladies attending a State Ball at Buckingham Palace +should wear the usual full evening dress; but they should +not wear Court trains, or plumes, or lappets.</p> + +<p>Gentlemen attending State Balls should wear uniform +or full Court dress—dress coat, breeches and silk stockings, +shoes and buckles; trousers can only be worn as part of a +uniform, and not with a Court dress as generally worn at +a levée.</p> + +<p>A gentleman intending to dance should remove his +sword, otherwise he should not do so.</p> + +<p>When the Court is in mourning, ladies attending a State +Ball should wear mourning according to the official notice +which duly appears in the <i>Gazette</i>.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_98" id="Page_98">[98]</a></span></p> + +<p>Gentlemen should wear crape on the left arm, which is +supplied in the cloak-room of the Palace to those who have +forgotten to provide themselves with it, as it is imperative, +when the Court is in mourning, that a band of crape should +be worn at either State Ball or State Concert.</p> + +<p>The balls given by the princes and princesses of the +blood royal are not State Balls, therefore Court dress is not +worn by the gentlemen present.</p> + +<p>They act as host and hostess at the balls given by them +and receive their guests, shaking hands with them as they +are announced.</p> + +<p>Ladies and gentlemen do not take their cards of invitation +with them to Buckingham Palace.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_99" id="Page_99">[99]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XIII</h2> + +<h3>DINNER GIVING AND DINING OUT</h3> + +<p class="noin"><b><big>Dinner</big></b> giving is perhaps the most important of all social +observances, therefore dinner-parties rank first amongst all +entertainments.</p> + +<p>Dinner giving is so thoroughly understood to rest upon +the principle of an equivalent, that those who do not give +dinners hardly come within the category of diners out. This +rule, however, is open to many exceptions in favour of +privileged individuals, popular and prominent members of +society whose presence at dinner-parties is appreciated and +welcomed in most circles.</p> + +<p>Dinner-parties are of more frequent occurrence, and +are of more social significance, than any other form of +entertainment.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Dinner Invitations.</big></b>—An invitation to dinner conveys +a greater mark of esteem, or friendship and cordiality, +towards the guest invited, than is conveyed by an invitation +to any other social gathering, it being the highest compliment, +socially speaking, that is offered by one person to +another. It is also a civility that can be readily interchanged, +which in itself gives it an advantage over all other +civilities.</p> + +<p>The orthodox dinner giver must necessarily possess a +certain amount of wealth, and wealth and wit do not always +go hand in hand. Oftener than not, the former rather +overweights the latter; hence, the introduction of a lighter +element in the form of amusing people whose <i>métier</i> in life +it is to be amusing and to appear amused.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_100" id="Page_100">[100]</a></span></p> + +<p>Dinner giving is in itself not only a test of the position +occupied in society by the dinner giver, but it is also a +direct road to obtaining a recognised place in society. A +means of enlarging a limited acquaintance and a reputation +for giving good dinners is in itself a passport to fashionable +society. Dinner giving, in the fullest sense of the word, is +a science not easily acquired, so much depending on the +talent which the host or hostess may possess for organising +dinner-parties.</p> + +<p>When a large dinner-party is contemplated, it is usual +to give three weeks' notice, but of late this notice has been +extended to four, five, and even six weeks.</p> + +<p>Diners out are rather inclined to rebel against this +innovation, considering that an invitation bearing the date +of a month hence pledges them to remain in town, and +as it were controls their movements, for the acceptance +of an invitation is in the eyes of diners out a binding +obligation; only ill-health, family bereavement, or some +all-important reason justifies its being set on one side or +otherwise evaded.</p> + +<p>Those inconsiderate enough to make trivial excuses at +the last moment are not often retained on the dinner-list +of a host or hostess.</p> + +<p>Dinner invitations are issued in the joint names of host +and hostess.</p> + +<p>The master of the house occupies a prominent position +amongst his guests, when dispensing hospitality as a +"dinner giver."</p> + +<p>From five to ten days' notice is considered sufficient for +invitations to small and unceremonious dinner-parties.</p> + +<p>Printed cards are in general use in town for issuing +dinner invitations, and can be purchased from any stationer; +these cards only require to be filled in with the names of +host and hostess and guests, date, hour, and address. The +united names of the host and hostess should be written in +the space left for that purpose. Thus, "Mr. and Mrs. A.,"<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_101" id="Page_101">[101]</a></span> +and the name or names of the guests in the next vacant +space.</p> + +<p>When invitations are issued for small dinner-parties, it is +more usual to write notes than to make use of printed cards.</p> + +<p>Acceptances or refusals of dinner invitations should be +sent with as little delay as possible after the invitations +have been received. It is a want of courtesy on the part of +a person invited not to do so, as a hostess is otherwise left +in doubt as to whether the person invited intends dining +with her or not, and is consequently unable to fill up the +vacant place with an eligible substitute; thus rendering her +dinner-party an ill-assorted one.</p> + +<p>An answer to an invitation cannot be solicited in a +subsequent note; it is therefore incumbent upon the invited +person to dispatch an answer within a day or two at least. +Dinner invitations are either sent by post or by a servant, +and the answers are also conveyed in a like manner.</p> + +<p>Dinner invitations are invariably sent out by the hostess.</p> + +<p>It is not usual in town to invite more than three members +of one family; it is now the custom to ask young ladies +with their parents to dinner-parties.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Receiving Dinner-Guests.</big></b>—The guests should +arrive within fifteen minutes of the hour named on the +invitation card.</p> + +<p>On no occasion is punctuality more imperative than in +the case of dining out; formerly many allowed themselves +great latitude in this respect, and a long wait for the tardy +guests was the result. A host and hostess frequently waited +over half an hour for expected guests. But now punctuality +has become the rule in the highest circles, and dinner is +served within twenty minutes of the arrival of the first +guest. In general, people much given to dining out make +a point of arriving in good time; but there are many in +society who presume upon their position, and are proverbially +unpunctual, knowing that in the height of the season<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_102" id="Page_102">[102]</a></span> +a hostess would wait half an hour rather than sit down to +dinner without them; but this want of consideration +soon becomes known in their different sets, and is always +taken into account when "their company is requested at +dinner."</p> + +<p>In France, it is not the rule, or the custom, to wait +dinner for late arrivals, and the dinner is served punctually +to the hour named in the invitation.</p> + +<p>The dinner-hour varies from eight to nine, although +perhaps 8.30 is the most usual hour. In the country it +ranges from 7.30 to 8.30.</p> + +<p>Punctuality on the part of the guests enables the hostess +to make any introductions she may consider advisable +before dinner is served.</p> + +<p>The host and hostess should be in readiness to receive +their guests in the drawing-room at the hour specified on +the card.</p> + +<p>On arrival, a lady should take off her cloak in the +cloak-room, or should leave it in the hall with the servant +in attendance, before entering the drawing-room.</p> + +<p>A gentleman should leave his overcoat and hat in the +gentlemen's cloak-room, or in the hall.</p> + +<p>At large dinner-parties, the butler is stationed on the +staircase, and announces the guests as they arrive. At +small dinner-parties, or where only one man-servant is kept, +the servant precedes the guest or guests on their arrival, to +the drawing-room. The guests should then give their +names to the servant, that he may announce them.</p> + +<p>A lady and gentleman, on being announced, should not +enter the drawing-room arm-in-arm or side by side. The +lady or ladies, if more than one, should enter the room in +advance of the gentleman, although the servant announces +"Mr., Mrs., and Miss A."</p> + +<p>The host and hostess should come forward and shake +hands with each guest on arrival. The ladies should at +once seat themselves, but gentlemen either stand about the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_103" id="Page_103">[103]</a></span> +room and talk to each other, or sit down after a wait of +some minutes.</p> + +<p>When a lady is acquainted with many of the guests +present, she should not make her way at once to shake +hands with all, but should make an opportunity to do so in +an unobtrusive manner; it would be sufficient to recognise +them by a nod or a smile in the mean time. A lady should +bow to any gentleman she knows, and he should cross the +room to shake hands with her at once if disengaged.</p> + +<p>At a small dinner-party, where the guests are unacquainted, +the hostess should introduce the persons of +highest rank to each other; but at a large dinner-party, +she would not do so, unless she had some especial reason +for making the introduction.</p> + +<p>In the country, introductions at dinner-parties are far +oftener made than in town.</p> + +<p>Precedency is strictly observed at all dinner-parties. +(See <a href="#Page_44">Chapter V</a>.)</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Sending Guests in to Dinner.</big></b>—The host should +take the lady of highest rank present in to dinner, and the +gentleman of highest rank should take the hostess. This +rule is absolute, unless the lady or gentleman of highest rank +is related to the host or hostess, in which case his or her rank +would be in abeyance, out of courtesy to the other guests.</p> + +<p>A husband and wife, or a father and daughter, or a +mother and son, should not be sent in to dinner together.</p> + +<p>A host and hostess should, if possible, invite an equal +number of ladies and gentlemen. It is usual to invite two +or more gentlemen than there are ladies, in order that the +married ladies should not be obliged to go in to dinner with +each other's husbands only. Thus, Mrs. A. and Mr. B., +Mr. B. and Mrs. A., Mrs. B. should be taken in to dinner +by Mr. C., and Mr. A. should take Mrs. G., and so on.</p> + +<p>When ladies are in a majority at a dinner-party to the +extent of two or three, the ladies of highest rank should<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_104" id="Page_104">[104]</a></span> +be taken in to dinner by the gentlemen present, and the +remaining ladies should follow by themselves; but such an +arrangement is unusual and undesirable, though sometimes +unavoidable when the dinner-party is an impromptu one, +for instance, and the notice given has been but a short one.</p> + +<p>If there should be one gentleman short of the number +required, the hostess frequently goes in to dinner by herself, +following in the wake of the last couple.</p> + +<p>The usual mode of sending guests in to dinner is for +the host or hostess to inform each gentleman, shortly after +his arrival, which of the ladies he is to take in to dinner.</p> + +<p>No "choice" is given to any gentleman as to which of +the ladies he would prefer taking in to dinner, it being +simply a question of precedency.</p> + +<p>Should any difficulty arise as to the order in which the +guests should follow the host to the dining-room, the hostess, +knowing the precedency due to each of her guests, should +indicate to each gentleman when it is his turn to descend +to the dining-room. He should then offer his arm to the +lady whom the host had previously desired him to take in +to dinner.</p> + +<p>Dinner is announced by the butler or man-servant.</p> + +<p>When the guests have arrived, or when the host desires +dinner to be served, he should ring or inform the servant +accordingly.</p> + +<p>On dinner being announced, the host should give his +right arm to the lady of highest rank present, and, with +her, lead the way to the dining-room, followed by the lady +second in rank, with a gentleman second in rank and so on. +The gentleman of highest rank present should follow last +with the hostess.</p> + +<p>When the second couple are about to leave the drawing-room, +the hostess frequently requests each gentleman in +turn to follow with a lady according to the precedency due +to each. Thus, "Mr. A., will you take Mrs. B.?" This +also answers the purpose of an introduction, should the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_105" id="Page_105">[105]</a></span> +couple be unacquainted with each other, and the hostess +has not found an opportunity of introducing them to each +other on their arrival.</p> + +<p>When a case of precedency occurs, in which either the +lady or gentleman must waive their right of precedence, +that of the gentleman gives way to that of the lady. (See +<a href="#Page_44">Chapter V</a>.)</p> + +<p>A gentleman should offer his right arm to a lady on +leaving the drawing-room.</p> + +<p>Ladies and gentlemen should not proceed to the dining-room +in silence, but should at once enter into conversation +with each other. (See the work entitled "The Art of +Conversing.")</p> + +<p>On entering the dining-room the lady whom the host +has taken in to dinner should seat herself at his right hand. +On the Continent this custom is reversed, and it is etiquette +for the lady to sit at the left hand of the gentleman by +whom she is taken in to dinner.</p> + +<p>The host should remain standing in his place, at the +bottom of the table, until the guests have taken their seats, +and should motion the various couples as they enter the +dining-room to the places he wishes them to occupy at the +table. This is the most usual method of placing the guests +at the dinner-table. When the host does not indicate where +they are to sit, they sit near to the host or hostess according +to precedency.</p> + +<p>The host and hostess should arrange beforehand the +places they wish their guests to occupy at the dinner-table.</p> + +<p>If a host did not indicate to the guests the various places +he wished them to occupy, the result would probably be +that husbands and wives would be seated side by side, or +uncongenial people would sit together.</p> + +<p>The custom of putting a card with the name of the guest +on the table in the place allotted to each individual guest +is frequently followed at large dinner-parties, and in some<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_106" id="Page_106">[106]</a></span> +instances the name of each guest is printed on a menu and +placed in front of each cover.</p> + +<p>The host and the lady taken in to dinner by him should +sit at the bottom of the table. He should sit in the centre +at the bottom of the table and place the lady whom he has +taken down at his right hand. The same rule applies to +the hostess. She should sit in the centre at the top of the +table, the gentleman by whom she has been taken in to +dinner being placed at her left hand.</p> + +<p>The lady second in rank should sit at the host's left +hand.</p> + +<p>Each lady should sit at the right hand of the gentleman +by whom she is taken in to dinner.</p> + +<p>It is solely a matter of inclination whether a lady and +gentleman, who have gone in to dinner together, converse +with each other only, or with their right-and left-hand +neighbours also, but they usually find some topic of conversation +in common, otherwise a dinner-party would prove +but a succession of <i>tête-à-tête</i>.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Menus</big></b> are placed the length of the table, on +an average one to two persons or occasionally one to each +person, and the menu cards are elaborate or simple, according +to individual taste, and are purchased printed for the +purpose, having a space for the names of the dishes to be +filled in, which is usually done by the mistress of the house, +unless the establishment is on a large scale, it being usual +to write them out in French.</p> + +<p>Fanciful menu holders are much in use.</p> + +<p>The use of menus would be pretentious at a small +dinner-party when there is but little choice of dishes; but +when there is a choice of dishes a menu is indispensable.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Usual and Fashionable Mode of serving +Dinner</big></b> is called <i>Dîner à la Russe</i>, although at small or +friendly dinners the host sometimes prefers to carve the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_107" id="Page_107">[107]</a></span> +joint himself in the first course, and the birds in the second +course. But dinner-tables, whether for dining <i>à la Russe</i>, +or for dining <i>en famille</i>, are invariably arranged in the same +style, the difference being merely the extent of the display +made as regards flowers, plate and glass, which are the +accessories of the dining-table.</p> + +<p>When the host helps the soup, a small ladleful for each +person is the proper quantity; a soup-plate should not be +filled with soup.</p> + +<p>When the party is a small one, and the joints or birds +are carved by the host, the portions should be handed to +the guests in the order in which they are seated, although +occasionally the ladies are helped before the gentlemen.</p> + +<p>The rule at all dinner-parties is for the servant to commence +serving by handing the dishes to the lady seated +at the host's right hand, then to the lady seated at the +host's left hand, and from thence the length of the table +to each guest in the order seated, irrespective of sex.</p> + +<p>Double <i>entrées</i> should be provided at large dinner-parties, +and the servants should commence handing the +dishes at both sides of the table simultaneously.</p> + +<p><i>Dîner à la Russe</i> is the Russian fashion introduced into +society many years ago. The whole of the dinner is served +from a side-table, no dishes whatever being placed on the +table save dishes of fruit.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Dinner-table Decorations.</big></b>—As regards the most +correct style of dinner-table decorations, they offer great +diversity of arrangement.</p> + +<p>High centre pieces and low centre pieces. Low specimen +glasses placed the length of the table and trails of creepers +and flowers laid on the table-cloth itself are some of the prevailing +features of the day, but table decorations are essentially +a matter of taste rather than of etiquette, and the extent +of these decorations depends very much upon the size of the +plate chest and the length of the purse of the dinner giver.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_108" id="Page_108">[108]</a></span></p> + +<p>The fruit for dessert is usually arranged down the centre +of the table, amidst the flowers and plate. Some dinner-tables +are also adorned with a variety of French conceits +besides fruit and flowers; other dinner-tables are decorated +with flowers and plate only, the dessert not being placed on +the table at all; but this latter mode can only be adopted +by those who can make a lavish display of flowers and plate +in the place of fruit.</p> + +<p>As regards lighting the dinner table. Electric light is +now in general use in town, and more or less in the country +when possible. When not available, lamps and wax +candles are used as heretofore. The shades in use should +be carefully chosen as they add greatly to the comfort of +the guests and to the success of the lighting. Silver +candlesticks are often fitted with small electric lamps, and +handsome silver lamps are brought into use in a similar +manner for the dinner table.</p> + +<p>The term "cover" signifies the place laid at table for +each person. It consists of a table-spoon for soup, fish +knife and fork, two knives, two large forks, and glasses +for wines given. For such arrangements see chapter +"Waiting at dinner" in the work entitled "Waiting at +Table."</p> + +<p>Sherry is always drunk after soup, hock with the fish +after the soup. Champagne is drunk immediately after the +first <i>entrée</i> has been served, and during the remainder of +dinner until dessert. Claret, sherry, port, and Madeira are +the wines drunk at dessert, and not champagne, as it is +essentially a dinner wine. When liqueurs are given they +are handed after the ices.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Dinner-table Etiquette.</big></b>—Soup should be eaten with +a table-spoon and not with a dessert-spoon, it would be out +of place to use a dessert-spoon for that purpose. Dessert-spoons, +as their name implies, are intended for other purposes, +such as for eating fruit-tarts, custard-puddings, etc.,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_109" id="Page_109">[109]</a></span> +or any sweet that is not sufficiently substantial to be eaten +with a fork.</p> + +<p>Fish should be eaten with a silver fork when possible, +otherwise with a silver fish knife and fork.</p> + +<p>All made dishes, such as <i>quenelles</i>, <i>rissoles</i>, patties, etc., +should be eaten with a fork only, and not with a knife and +fork.</p> + +<p>For sweetbreads and cutlets, etc., a knife and fork are +requisite; and, as a matter of course, for poultry, game, etc.</p> + +<p>In eating asparagus, a knife and fork should be used, and +the points should be cut off and eaten with a fork as is sea-kale, +etc.</p> + +<p>Salad should be eaten with a knife and fork; it is served +on salad plates, which are placed beside the dinner-plates.</p> + +<p>Cucumber is eaten off the dinner-plate, and not off a +separate plate.</p> + +<p>Peas should be eaten with a fork.</p> + +<p>In eating game or poultry, the bone of either wing or +leg should not be touched with the fingers, but the meat +cut close off the bone; and if a wing it is best to sever it +at the joint, by which means the meat is cut off far more +easily.</p> + +<p>Pastry should be eaten with a fork, but in the case of a +fruit tart, a dessert-spoon should be used as well as a fork, +but only for the purpose of conveying the fruit and juice to +the mouth; and in the case of stone fruit—cherries, damsons, +plums, etc.—either the dessert-spoon or fork should be +raised to the lips to receive the stones, which should be +placed at the side of the plate; but when the fruit stones +are of larger size, they should be separated from the fruit +with the fork and spoon, and left on the plate, and not put +into the mouth; and whenever it is possible to separate the +stones from the fruit it is best to do so.</p> + +<p>Jellies, blancmanges, ice puddings, etc., should be eaten +with a fork, as should be all sweets sufficiently substantial +to admit of it.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_110" id="Page_110">[110]</a></span></p> + +<p>When eating cheese, small morsels of the cheese should +be placed with the knife on small morsels of bread, and the +two conveyed to the mouth with the thumb and finger, the +piece of bread being the morsel to hold, as cheese should +not be taken up in the fingers, and should not be eaten off +the point of the knife.<a name="FNanchor_3_3" id="FNanchor_3_3"></a><a href="#Footnote_3_3" class="fnanchor">[3]</a></p> + +<p>The finger-glass should be removed from the ice-plate +and placed on the left-hand side of the dessert-plate. When +ices are not given, the d'oyley should be removed with the +finger-glass and placed beneath it.</p> + +<p>When eating grapes, the half-closed hand should be +placed to the mouth, and the stones and skins allowed to +fall into the fingers, and placed on the side of the plate. +Some persons bend the head so as to allow of the stones +and skins of the grapes falling on the side of the plate; but +this latter way is old-fashioned, and seldom followed. +Cherries and other small stone-fruit should be eaten in the +way grapes are eaten, also gooseberries.</p> + +<p>When strawberries and raspberries, etc., are not eaten +with cream, they should be eaten from the stalks; when +eaten with cream, a dessert-spoon should be used to remove +them from the stalks. When served in the American +fashion without stalks, both fork and spoon should be +used.</p> + +<p>Pears and apples should be peeled and cut into halves +and quarters with a fruit-knife and fork, as should peaches, +nectarines, and apricots.</p> + +<p>Melons should be eaten with a spoon and fork.</p> + +<p>Pines with knife and fork.</p> + +<p>The dessert is handed to the guests in the order in which +the dinner has been served.<a name="FNanchor_4_4" id="FNanchor_4_4"></a><a href="#Footnote_4_4" class="fnanchor">[4]</a></p> + +<p>When the guests have been helped to wine, and the +servants have left the dining-room, the host should pass<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_111" id="Page_111">[111]</a></span> +the decanters to his guests, commencing with the gentleman +nearest to him.</p> + +<p>It is not the fashion for gentlemen to drink wine with +each other either at dinner or dessert, and the guest fills his +glass or not, according to inclination.</p> + +<p>Ladies are not supposed to require a second glass of +wine at dessert, and passing the decanters is principally for +the gentlemen. If a lady should require a second glass of +wine at dessert, the gentleman seated next to her would fill +her glass; she should not help herself to wine. After the +wine has been passed once around the table, or about ten +minutes after the servants have left the dining-room, the +hostess should give the signal for the ladies to leave the +dining-room, by bowing to the lady of highest rank present, +seated at the host's right hand. She should then rise from +her seat, as should all the ladies on seeing her do so.</p> + +<p>The gentlemen should rise also, and remain standing by +their chairs until the ladies have quitted the room, which +they should do in the order in which they have entered +it, the lady of highest rank leading the way, the hostess +following last.</p> + +<p>The host, or the gentleman nearest the door, should +open it for the ladies to pass out, and close it after them.</p> + +<p>When the ladies have left the dining-room, the gentlemen +should close up as near to the host as possible, so as +to render conversation general.</p> + +<p>The wines usually drunk by gentlemen after dinner are +claret of a fine quality, and port.</p> + +<p>The ladies on leaving the dining-room return to the +drawing-room. Coffee should be almost immediately +brought to the drawing-room. The coffee-cups containing +coffee should be brought on a silver salver, with a cream-jug +and a basin of crystallised sugar.</p> + +<p>In large country houses coffee is sometimes brought in +a silver coffee-pot, and the lady would then pour out her +own coffee, the servant holding the salver the meanwhile.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_112" id="Page_112">[112]</a></span></p> + +<p>Coffee should be taken a few minutes later to the +dining-room, and either handed to the gentlemen, or placed +on the table, that they may help themselves (see the work +previously referred to).</p> + +<p>A very general plan is, after the wine has gone round +once or twice, for the host to offer cigarettes, which are +smoked before the gentlemen join the ladies in the drawing-room.</p> + +<p>After coffee, the gentleman of highest rank should leave +the dining-room first. The host would not propose an +adjournment to the drawing-room, until he observed a wish +to do so on the part of his guests, but there is no hard and +fast rule on this head.</p> + +<p>It is not now the fashion for gentlemen to sit over their +wine beyond fifteen or twenty minutes at the utmost, instead +of as formerly, from three-quarters of an hour to an hour, a +change much appreciated by hostesses.</p> + +<p>On the Continent the gentlemen accompany the ladies +to the drawing-room, and do not remain in the dining-room +as in England.</p> + +<p>The gentleman of highest rank present could suggest an +adjournment to the drawing-room within a quarter of an +hour if he thought proper to do so. If the other guests +were engaged in a discussion in which he did not wish to +take part, having suggested the adjournment, he could leave +the dining-room to join the ladies in the drawing-room; +but as a rule, the gentlemen leave the dining-room together, +the host following last.</p> + +<p>The host should ring the dining-room bell before leaving +the room, as an intimation to the butler that the gentlemen +have left the room.</p> + +<p>At ceremonious dinner-parties in town neither music +nor cards are introduced during the usual half-hour passed +in the drawing-room before the hour for departure.</p> + +<p>At country-house dinner-parties music or round games +of cards are in request.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_113" id="Page_113">[113]</a></span></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Departure after Dinner.</big></b>—There is no rule as to the +order in which the guests should take their leave. Half-past +ten is the usual hour for general departure; and the +butler announces the several carriages as they arrive to the +guests in the drawing-room. But if any lady wished to +inquire if her carriage had arrived, she should ask the +hostess's permission to do so; and the bell would be rung +for the purpose of making the enquiry. The same remark +applies to ordering a cab: the lady should ask the hostess +if one might be ordered for her.</p> + +<p>The hostess should shake hands with all her guests on +their departure, rising from her seat to do so.</p> + +<p>Each guest on departure should shake hands with both +host and hostess.</p> + +<p>If, on leaving the room, acquaintances should pass each +other, they should wish each other good-night, but they +should not make the tour of the rooms for the purpose of +so doing.</p> + +<p>The host should conduct one or two of the principal of +his lady guests to their carriages.</p> + +<p>The ladies should put on their cloaks in the cloak-room, +the host waiting in the hall meanwhile.</p> + +<p>A gentleman related to the host or hostess, or a friend +of the family, could offer to conduct a lady to her carriage +if the host were otherwise engaged.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Gratuities</big></b> should never be offered by the guests at a +dinner-party to the servants in attendance. Gentlemen +should not offer fees to the men-servants, neither should +ladies to the lady's-maid in attendance.</p> + +<p>The guests should call on the hostess within a week or +ten days after a dinner-party. If "not at home," a married +lady should leave one of her own cards and two of her +husband's; a widow should leave one of her own cards; a +bachelor or a widower should leave two cards.</p> + +<p>The rule as to calling after dinner-parties is greatly<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_114" id="Page_114">[114]</a></span> +relaxed between intimate friends, and the call often omitted +altogether; and this more particularly as regards gentlemen, +whose occupations during the day are considered good and +sufficient reasons for not calling.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Country Dinner-Parties.</big></b>—In the country, new +acquaintances, if neighbours, should be asked to dinner +within a month of the first call if possible, and the return +invitation should be given within the following month.</p> + +<p>When guests are assembled at a country house, they are +sent in to dinner, on the first evening, according to their +individual precedence; but on subsequent evenings the +gentlemen frequently draw lots to decide which lady they +shall have the pleasure of taking in to dinner, otherwise a +lady and gentleman would go in to dinner together five or +six consecutive times, according to the length of the visit, +but this is more a practice with people who march with the +times, than with what are termed "old-fashioned people."</p> + +<p>When a party is varied by additional dinner-guests each +evening, drawing lots gives way to precedency, it being too +familiar a practice to be adopted at a large dinner-party.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Saying Grace</big></b>, both before and after dinner, is a +matter of feeling rather than of etiquette. It used to be +very much the custom to say "grace," but of late years +it is oftener omitted than not, especially at large dinner-parties +in town.</p> + +<p>In the country, when a clergyman is present, he should +be asked to say grace. When grace is said by the host, it +is said in a low voice, and in a very few words; the guests +inclining their heads the while.</p> + +<p>It was no rapid revolutionary change in manners that +brought about the difference that now exists between the +Elizabethan and present eras; no polished mentor came +forward to teach that it was not the nicest and cleanest +thing to do, to put knives into the salt, to dip fingers into<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_115" id="Page_115">[115]</a></span> +plates, or to spread butter with the thumb; on the contrary, +these things righted themselves little by little, step by step, +until the present code of manners was arrived at. But it +is quite possible that a hundred years hence it will be discovered +that the manners of the present century offered +wide scope for improvement.</p> + +<p>In the meantime these rules of etiquette observed in +society are adhered to and followed by those who do not +wish to appear singular, eccentric, old-fashioned, unconventional, +or any other adjective that the temper of their +judges may induce them to apply to them for committing +solecisms, either small or great.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Married Ladies, as a rule, dine out with their +Husbands</big></b>, and do not accept invitations to large dinners +when their husbands are unable to accompany them. There +are, of course, exceptions to this rule, and circumstances +sometimes arise when it is greatly relaxed; but even in this +case it would be in favour of small and friendly dinners +rather than large ones.</p> + +<p>During any temporary absence of her husband, a lady +would accept invitations to dine with her relatives and +intimate friends, though she might refuse invitations to +large dinners given by acquaintances; but, as a rule, when +it is well known that the head of a house is away for any +length of time, invitations are seldom sent to the wife by +givers of large dinners.</p> + +<p>When young ladies are invited to dinner they accompany +their father, mother or brother; but occasionally, when a +young ladies' party is given by a friend of their parents', +the young ladies are invited alone, and they should either +go with their maid in a cab or by themselves in their father's +carriage.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_3_3" id="Footnote_3_3"></a><a href="#FNanchor_3_3"><span class="label">[3]</span></a> Respecting the arrangement of the dinner table for dessert, see +the work entitled "Waiting at Table."</p></div> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_4_4" id="Footnote_4_4"></a><a href="#FNanchor_4_4"><span class="label">[4]</span></a> See the work entitled "Waiting at Table."</p></div> +</div> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_116" id="Page_116">[116]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XIV</h2> + +<h3>DINNER-TABLE ETIQUETTE</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">Fashion</span> has its freaks and its vagaries, and in relation to +inanimate objects these freaks and vagaries are but transitory +and evanescent, but when they touch upon manners +and modes they become a conventionality and a custom +perhaps for many a year. Changes and innovations, slight +as they are, are more subtle than sudden, and, paradoxical +as it may seem, they are as important as they are insignificant; +still it is difficult to believe that fingers once did +duty for forks, and that it was not customary for a host to +supply his guests with forks, who, if fastidious enough to +require them, were expected to bring them in their pockets.</p> + +<p>There are here and there people in society who affect a +few eccentricities of manner, but these whims at all times +take the form of originalities and not of vulgarities; and +even then are only indulged in by those whose position +in society is secure.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>As regards Dinner-table Etiquette.</big></b>—When a lady +has taken her seat at the dinner-table, she should at once +remove her gloves; although occasionally long elbow gloves +are not removed during dinner, but this is conspicuous and +inconvenient. She should unfold her serviette and place it +on her lap. It is immaterial whether she places the bread +on the right or left-hand side of the cover when taking it +from the serviette.</p> + +<p>A gentleman should do the same with his serviette and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_117" id="Page_117">[117]</a></span> +bread, placing the one across his knees, and the other at +his right or left hand.</p> + +<p>When a lady is some little time taking off her gloves, +she should remove her serviette before doing so: otherwise +a servant would offer her soup before she had made room +for the soup-plate by removing the serviette, and she should +decide quickly as to which of the two soups handed to her +she will take, so as not to keep the servant waiting; and so +on through every course throughout the dinner as regards +fish, meat, etc.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The guests should consult the menu</big></b> on first +sitting down to dinner. Eating soup comes first under notice. +In olden days it was customary to drink it out of a basin. +In these days no one "drinks" soup, it is "eaten"; whether +it be mock turtle or the clearest julienne, it is eaten out of a +soup-plate at dinner, and with a table-spoon.</p> + +<p>There is a reason for this choice of spoons; soup is +nothing if it is not hot, and as it is the custom to give only +about half a ladleful to each person, it is eaten quicker, and +therefore hotter, with a large spoon than with a small one.</p> + +<p>There is also a good and sufficient reason for small +quantities of soup being given in lieu of large ones, viz. the +extent of the menu; and when a plateful of soup is handed +to a guest accustomed to the regulation supply, he fears +that he is expected to dine off it, and that there is nothing +much to follow.</p> + +<p>Again, small helpings require a smaller quantity of +soup to be provided, and a servant is less likely to spill +plates containing a little soup than plates that are half +full.</p> + +<p>At ball suppers, when soup is served in soup-plates, it +is also eaten with a table-spoon, but not when served in +small cups.</p> + +<p>Many years ago it was fashionable to eat fish with a fork +and a crust of bread; previous to this a table-knife and fork<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_118" id="Page_118">[118]</a></span> +were considered the proper things to use for this purpose. +It was then discovered that a steel knife gave an unpalatable +flavour to the fish, and a crust of bread was substituted for +the knife. This fashion lasted a considerable time, in spite +of the fingers being thus brought unpleasantly near to the +plate, and to this day old-fashioned people have a predilection +for that crust of bread. One evening a well-known +diner-out discarded his crust of bread, and ate his fish with +two silver forks; this notion found such general favour that +society dropped the humble crust and took up a second +fork. This fashion had its little day, but at length the two +forks were found heavy for the purpose and not altogether +satisfactory, and were superseded by the dainty and convenient +little silver fish-knife and fork which are now in +general use.</p> + +<p>Small pieces of fish should always be given, and two +different sorts of fish should not be placed on the same plate.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When oysters are given</big></b> they precede the soup, and +should be eaten with a dinner-fork, not with a fish-fork. In +eating oysters the shell should be steadied on the plate with +the fingers of the left hand, the oysters should not be cut, +but should be eaten whole. Very many ladies do not eat +oysters at dinner simply because they do not like them, +while others refuse them under the impression that it is +more ladylike not to eat them. Perhaps with regard to +young ladies it is a taste to be acquired. Some men are +very, if not over, fastidious, about the appetites displayed +by ladies, and would have them reject the <i>entrées</i> and dine +upon a slice of chicken and a spoonful of jelly. Others, on +the contrary, respect a good appetite as giving proof of +good health and good digestion. There is of course a +medium in all things, and as large dinners are ordered +mainly with a view to please the palates of men with +epicurean tastes, it is not expected that ladies should eat of +the most highly seasoned and richest of the dishes given,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_119" id="Page_119">[119]</a></span> +but should rather select the plainest on the menu. This +remark more particularly applies to young ladies and young +married ladies, whilst middle-aged and elderly ladies are at +liberty to do pretty much as they please, without provoking +comment or even observation.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>With reference to entrées</big></b>, some are eaten with a +knife and fork, others with a fork only. All <i>entrées</i> that offer +any resistance to a fork require the aid of both knife and +fork, such as cutlets, <i>filet de bœuf</i>, sweetbreads, etc., but +when <i>rissoles</i>, patties, <i>quenelles</i>, boneless curry, <i>vol-au-vents</i>, +<i>timbales</i>, etc., are eaten, the fork only should be used.</p> + +<p>In the case of the lighter <i>entrées</i>, the contact of the +knife is supposed to militate against their delicate flavour; +thus, for these <i>bonnes bouches</i> the fork is all-sufficient wherewith +to divide and eat them.</p> + +<p>The leg of a chicken, pheasant, duck, or wild duck should +never be given to a guest save on those occasions when there +are more guests present than there is meat from breasts and +wings to offer them. Under these circumstances the carver +is reduced to the necessity of falling back upon the legs of the +birds, but in this case only the upper part of the thigh should +be given, thus a guest has little difficulty in cutting the meat +from the bone. A wing of a bird is usually given to a lady. +Formerly it was thought a correct thing to sever the wing +at the joint and then to cut the meat from the bone; but +this requires a certain amount of strength in the wrist, and +dexterity, should the bird not be in its <i>première jeunesse</i>.</p> + +<p>As regards small pigeons, golden plovers, snipe, quails, +larks, etc., a whole bird is given to each guest, and the +proper way to eat these birds is to cut the meat from the +breast and wings and to eat each morsel at the moment of +cutting it; the bird should not be turned over and over on +the plate, or cut in half or otherwise dissected. The legs +of Bordeaux pigeons are not, as a rule, eaten, and half a +bird only is given, as there is sufficient on the wing and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_120" id="Page_120">[120]</a></span> +breast to satisfy an ordinary second-course appetite. When +the legs of smaller birds are eaten, such as snipe or golden +plover, the meat should be cut off as from the breast or wing.</p> + +<p>Young girls, as a rule, seldom eat a second course +delicacy of this description; a little chicken or pheasant +on the contrary is usually accepted by them.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When large potatoes are served</big></b> in their skins a +salad-plate should be handed at the same time whereon to +place them.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When asparagus first comes into season</big></b> it is often +given in the second course instead of in the first, in which case +it is eaten as a separate dish. When handed with meat or +poultry it should be eaten on the same plate containing either.</p> + +<p>In eating asparagus, some elderly gentlemen still adhere +to the fashion of their youth and hold the stalks in their +fingers, but the younger generation cut off the points with +a knife and fork.</p> + +<p>Sea-kale also is given in the second course when first in +season, and should be eaten with a knife and fork.</p> + +<p>Mushrooms are also eaten with a knife and fork.</p> + +<p>It need hardly be said that it would be a vulgarity to +eat peas with a knife, although those who reside abroad, or +who are in the habit of travelling on the continent, are not +unaccustomed to seeing this done by foreigners who are +well-bred men.</p> + +<p>Artichokes are, it may be said, an awkward and untidy +vegetable to eat; they are only given in the second course +as a separate vegetable; the outside leaves should be +removed with the knife and fork, and the inner leaves +which surround the heart, or head of the artichoke should +be conveyed to the mouth with the fingers and sucked dry; +epicures consider this vegetable a dainty morsel, but at +dinner-parties young ladies should not attempt to eat these +artichokes.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_121" id="Page_121">[121]</a></span></p> + +<p>Savouries, when possible, should be eaten with a fork, +but occasionally a knife also is of imperative use.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>As regards sweets</big></b>, <i>compôtes</i> of fruit and fruit tarts +should be eaten with a dessert-spoon and fork, as should +those dishes where juice or syrup prevails to the extent of +rendering a dessert-spoon necessary. But whenever it is +possible to use a fork in preference to a spoon it is always +better to do so.</p> + +<p>Jellies, creams, blancmanges, ice puddings, etc., should +be eaten with a fork.</p> + +<p>As a matter of course, young ladies do not eat cheese at +dinner-parties.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_122" id="Page_122">[122]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XV</h2> + +<h3>EVENING PARTIES</h3> + +<p class="noin"><b><big>Evening Parties</big></b> are styled receptions or "at homes" +according to the number of guests invited. In official and +political circles they are invariably styled "Receptions," +but when given on a smaller scale in general society they +are styled "At Homes."</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Invitations</big></b> to evening parties should be issued on +"at home" cards.</p> + +<p>The name of the person invited should be written at the +top of the card at the right-hand corner, the words "at +home" being printed beneath the name of the lady issuing +the invitation, the day and date beneath the words "at +home," the hour beneath the date. The address should +be printed at the bottom of the card.</p> + +<p>When music is to be given it should be mentioned on +the "at home" card, thus, "Music."</p> + +<p>The hour varies from 10 to 11 o'clock; in private +circles 10 or 10.30 is the usual hour; in official circles +10.30 or 11 o'clock.</p> + +<p>When a foreign royal personage is expected, or a +foreigner of distinction, or a personage possessing public +interest, the words "To meet Her Serene Highness +Princess D.," or "To meet Count C." should be written at +the top of the invitation cards.</p> + +<p>When a reception or "at home" follows a dinner-party +given by the hostess, it is not usual to provide any<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_123" id="Page_123">[123]</a></span> +special amusement for the guests. But when an "at +home" does not follow a dinner-party, it is usual to +provide some sort of amusement for the guests, such as +professional vocal or instrumental music.</p> + +<p>The guests are expected to arrive from half an hour to +an hour of the time mentioned on the invitation card, +although it is optional when they do so.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Receiving the Guests.</big></b>—The hostess should receive +her guests at the head of the staircase, where she usually +remains until the principal of her guests have arrived; +while the host welcomes the guests in the drawing-room +itself.</p> + +<p>Receptions or "at homes" usually terminate shortly +before one o'clock, save on Saturdays, when the hour of +departure is 12 o'clock precisely.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Making Introductions.</big></b>—A hostess should use her +own discretion as regards making introductions.</p> + +<p>When a royal personage is present the most distinguished +of the guests should be presented by the host or +hostess. When a celebrity is present introductions should +also be made; and as regards general introductions they +should be made whenever the hostess judges it expedient +to do so, and the principal guests when unacquainted +should be introduced to each other when the opportunity +occurs.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Going in to Supper.</big></b>—The host should take the lady +of highest rank in to supper.</p> + +<p>When a royal princess is present the host should take +her in to supper.</p> + +<p>When a royal prince is present he should take the +hostess in to supper. (See <a href="#Page_44">Chapter V</a>.)</p> + +<p>It is optional whether the hostess follows with the +gentleman of highest rank present, unless a foreign prince<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_124" id="Page_124">[124]</a></span> +is present, when she should follow the host, and in the +case of a royal prince being present she should precede +the host.</p> + +<p>When a royal prince or princess or a serene highness +is present a table should be set apart for the host and +hostess and royal party, and any among the guests +whom the royal visitors may desire should join them at +supper.</p> + +<p>When the supper-room is not sufficiently large to accommodate +the whole of the guests at the same time, the +most distinguished guests should go in first.</p> + +<p>When the host is informed that supper is served he +should tell the principal gentlemen present which of the +ladies he wishes them to take into supper, and should +himself lead the way with the lady of highest rank +present.</p> + +<p>The hostess should also assist in sending the principal +guests in to supper, and when the general company observe +the move towards the supper-room, they should follow in +the same direction.</p> + +<p>When the general company are apparently not +aware that the supper-room is open, the hostess should +ask the various gentlemen to take the ladies in to +supper, and should herself lead the way with one of +the gentlemen.</p> + +<p>When the general company find the supper-room +crowded they should return to the drawing-room for a +quarter of an hour or so; but the hostess should arrange +for some instrumental or vocal performance to commence +when supper is first served, so as to occupy the attention of +the guests who remain in the drawing-room.</p> + +<p>The guests frequently do not return to the drawing-room +after supper, but go to the cloak-room for their cloaks and +wraps, and thence to their carriages.</p> + +<p>It is not usual to take leave of the host and hostess at +receptions.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_125" id="Page_125">[125]</a></span></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Royal Guests present.</big></b>—When a royal personage is +present the host should conduct her to her carriage.</p> + +<p>When a foreign prince is present the host should +accompany him to the hall door.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Tea and Light Refreshments</big></b> should be served +during the evening in the library, or in an adjacent +apartment.</p> + +<p>Supper should be served at twelve o'clock, in the dining-room, +and should be similar in character to a ball supper.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Invitations to Bridge Parties</big></b> are issued on "at +home" cards when the guests number upwards of forty, and +on visiting cards when a lesser number is invited.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Invitation Form</big></b> is, "Mrs. A—— At Home" +in both instances. The day, date, and hour are put +beneath the words "at home," and "Bridge" in the corner +of the cards opposite the address. The usual hour for holding +these evening receptions is 9 o'clock p.m., which allows +of three hours' play before midnight. The guests arrive very +punctually, rather before than after the hour named on the +invitation cards. The guests comprise an equal number of +both sexes, as husbands and wives are invited together when +both are known to be bridge players, and bachelors who do +not disdain playing for small stakes are in great request. +Also unmarried ladies of a certain age; not girls in their +teens.</p> + +<p>Prizes are given in some houses to the conquering +players. One for the ladies and one for the gentlemen, and +occasionally a second prize for the second best player of +either sex. This is done when playing for money does not +commend itself to a host and hostess. The prizes consist +for the most part of useful articles. For instance, a box of +gloves, a box of bon-bons, a case of eau d'Cologne, a card-case, +a bag purse, and so on, all of which are acceptable to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_126" id="Page_126">[126]</a></span> +ladies; and a box of cigars or cigarettes, a silver pocket-flask, +a silver-mounted stick or umbrella, are prizes the men +winners are pleased to accept.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Bridge Tables</big></b> at which the guests are to sit are +numbered, and the hostess arranges by whom they are to +be occupied. The names—four in number for each table—are +written or printed with the number of the table upon +small cards and given to the guests by the hostess on +arrival. This is done that good players may be placed +together, and to save confusion and loss of time in seating +them at the various tables.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Refreshments</big></b> provided consist in the first instance +of "coffee," which is brought into the card-room or drawing-room +and handed to the guests. No eatables are given +with this after-dinner coffee. A supper is given either at +the conclusion of the play at 12 o'clock—this being the +more usual plan—or at 10.30, after which play is resumed +for another hour or so; but the latter is more of a provincial +custom than a town one, and is intended for those +whose dinner hour is an early one—6.30, perhaps.</p> + +<p>When a supper is not given, very good light refreshments +are substituted for it, including cups of hot soup in +the winter months.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Going in to Supper</big></b> is arranged as far as possible on +the following lines, if precedence does not prevent its being +carried out. The players at each table who are partners +when supper is served go in together. The host leads the +way with his partner, and all follow, the hostess and her +partner going last.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Cards should be left</big></b> within a week or ten days after +a reception.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_127" id="Page_127">[127]</a></span></p> + +<p>A married lady should leave one of her own and two of +her husband's cards.</p> + +<p>A widow should leave one of her own cards.</p> + +<p>A bachelor or widower should leave two of his cards. +(See <a href="#Page_19">Chapter III</a>.)</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_128" id="Page_128">[128]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XVI</h2> + +<h3>WEDDINGS AND WEDDING LUNCHEONS</h3> + +<p class="noin"><b><big>Afternoon Weddings</big></b> are invariably solemnised at 2.30 +o'clock. Only very quiet weddings take place in the +morning hours. Formerly, it was only the few who were +in a position to obtain special licences who could have +afternoon weddings.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Marriage by "Banns"</big></b> is greatly in favour in general +society. The banns must be published three consecutive +weeks previous to the marriage in the parish in which +the bridegroom resides, and also in that in which the bride +resides, and both should reside fifteen days in their respective +parishes previous to the banns being published.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Marriages by Licence.</big></b>—When a marriage is solemnised +by licence the cost, with fees and stamps, amounts +to £2. This should be obtained at the Faculty Office, or +at the Vicar-General's Office, Doctors' Commons, and is +available at any church in the parish where one of the +parties has resided for fifteen days previous to the application +being made for the licence, either in town or country.</p> + +<p>When the licence is obtained in the country through a +clerical surrogate the cost varies, according to the diocese, +from £1 15<i>s.</i> to £2 12<i>s.</i> 6<i>d.</i></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Special Licences</big></b> can only be obtained from the Archbishop +of Canterbury, after application at the Faculty Office,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_129" id="Page_129">[129]</a></span> +and an especial reason must be given for the application, +and one that will meet with the Archbishop's approval.</p> + +<p>The fees for a special marriage licence average £29 +5<i>s.</i> 6<i>d.</i></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Fees</big></b> to the officiating clergymen vary considerably, +according to the position and means of the bridegroom, +from £1 1<i>s.</i> to £5 5<i>s.</i>, as the inclination of the +bridegroom may dictate.</p> + +<p>The fee to the verger is subject to a like variation, commencing +at 2<i>s.</i> 6<i>d.</i></p> + +<p>All fees relating to a marriage should be defrayed by +the bridegroom, and paid by him, or by the best man on his +behalf, in the vestry of the church, previous to the ceremony; +immediately after it, or some days earlier.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Etiquette observed at Weddings</big></b> is invariably +the same whether the wedding takes place in the +morning or in the afternoon, or whether it is a grand +wedding or a comparatively small one, whether the guests +number two hundred or whether they number twenty.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Invitations</big></b> should be issued from three weeks to +a fortnight before the wedding-day.</p> + +<p>The wedding luncheon or wedding reception should be +given by the parents of the bride or by her nearest relative, and +the invitations should be issued in the names of both parents.</p> + +<p>The invitations should be issued in notes printed in ink; +they are now seldom printed in silver. The form should +be as follows: "Mr. and Mrs. —— request the pleasure of +Mr. and Mrs. ——'s company at the marriage of their +daughter Helen with Mr. John S——, at St. Peter's Church, +Hanover Square, on Tuesday, May 8th, at 2.30 o'clock, and +afterwards at —— Square. R.S.V.P."</p> + +<p>If a stepdaughter, it should be "at the marriage of Mrs. +A——'s daughter Helen B——."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_130" id="Page_130">[130]</a></span></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Wedding Presents.</big></b>—Every one who is invited to a +wedding invariably makes the bride or bridegroom a present; +it is the received rule to do so. Many send presents before +the invitations are sent out—as soon as the engagement is +made known, if it is not to be a long one.</p> + +<p>There is no rule as to the time before the wedding-day +when the present should be sent; but invitations are usually +sent to those who have given presents, even though they +live at a considerable distance, and may not be able to +attend the wedding.</p> + +<p>Wedding presents are displayed on tables of various +sizes, according to their number, and if very numerous +and valuable, it is not unusual to exhibit them at an afternoon +tea, given for the purpose on the day previous to the +wedding. Each present should bear the card of the giver +attached to it. Presents of silver plate should be placed +on a table covered with dark cloth or velvet. It is not +unusual to surround the presents with flowers, notably roses, +and this is often done by persons of artistic tastes.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Bridegroom should provide</big></b> the wedding-ring +and the bridal bouquet.</p> + +<p>The bouquets for the bridesmaids are also the gift of +the bridegroom, and should be sent to them on the morning +of the wedding. He is also expected to make a present +to each bridesmaid—either a brooch, a locket, a bracelet, +or a fan, which should either be sent the day before the +wedding or on the morning of the wedding-day.</p> + +<p>The bridegroom should provide the motor-car to +convey himself and his bride from the church to the +house where the wedding luncheon and reception are to +take place, and again from the house to the railway-station, +or, if the journey is made by road, to the place of honeymoon; +but frequently the bride's father places his own +motor-car at the disposal of the bride and bridegroom for +this purpose, especially in the country. The bridal carriage<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_131" id="Page_131">[131]</a></span> +is the only one, according to etiquette, which the bridegroom +is expected to provide.</p> + +<p>The invited guests should provide their own conveyances, +and neither the bridegroom nor the bride's father are ever +expected to do so. This should be thoroughly understood +by the guests in every case.</p> + +<p>The custom of having groomsmen to support the bridegroom +is now very general, as at royal weddings, a royal +bridegroom being supported by from four to six groomsmen. +Two of the groomsmen usually act as ushers and +assist in seating the guests.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Best Man</big></b> should be a bachelor, although a +married man could act in this capacity. He should either +accompany the bridegroom to the church or meet him there. +He should stand at his right hand during the ceremony—a +little in the rear—and should render him the trifling service +of handing him his hat at the close of it.</p> + +<p>He should sign the register afterwards in the vestry, and +should pay the fees to the clergyman and to the verger, on +behalf of the bridegroom, either before or after the ceremony, +if the bridegroom does not pay them on arrival.</p> + +<p>The bridegroom and best man should arrive at the +church before the bride, and await her coming, standing +at the right-hand side of the chancel gates.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Bride</big></b> should be driven to the church in her father's +motor-car. If she has a sister or sisters, and they officiate as +bridesmaids, they, with her mother, should precede her to +the church. The motor-car should then return to fetch the +bride and her father; but when she has no sisters, her +father generally precedes her to the church, and receives +her at the church door, her mother accompanying her in +the motor-car.</p> + +<p>The bridesmaids should arrive some little time before +the bride, and form a line on either side of the church<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_132" id="Page_132">[132]</a></span> +porch, or within the church doorway. The mother of the +bride usually stands beside them.</p> + +<p>When the bride arrives she should take her father's right +arm, or the right arm of her eldest brother or nearest male +relative, who is deputed to give her away; he should meet +her at the church door in the place of her father, and +conduct her to the chancel or altar.</p> + +<p>At choral weddings the clergy and choir head the +bridal procession and lead the way to the chancel, singing +a hymn the while.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Bridesmaids</big></b> should follow the bride and her +father up the nave of the church. When the number of +bridesmaids is even, four, six, eight, or twelve; but when +the number is odd, as five, seven, or nine, and three of +them happen to be children, which is generally the case, +the elder bridesmaids should walk "two and two," following +next after the children.</p> + +<p>At fashionable weddings one or two little boys act as +pages, and occasionally bear the bride's train.</p> + +<p>The head bridesmaid is generally the bride's eldest +unmarried sister or the bridegroom's sister, and she should +follow next to the bride with her companion bridesmaid, +when children are not included in the group.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Bride's Mother</big></b> should follow next to the bridesmaids, +and walk by the side of her son, or other male relative, +in following them up the nave of the church. Ladies +and gentlemen do not walk arm-in-arm at a wedding, but +side by side.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Bride's Immediate Relatives</big></b> and the near +relatives of the bridegroom should seat themselves in pews +or chairs, according to the church in which the service is +celebrated. In some churches the service takes place at +the entrance of the chancel, and the bridal party enter the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_133" id="Page_133">[133]</a></span> +chancel and stand at the altar to receive the address, and the +concluding portion of the service only is there celebrated.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Bridegroom's Relatives</big></b> should place themselves +on entering at the right of the nave, thus being on +the bridegroom's right hand, and seat themselves in pews. +The relatives of the bride should place themselves on +entering at the left of the nave, thus being on the bride's +left hand, and seat themselves in pews or chairs. Large +cards with the words "For the Relatives of the Bridegroom," +"For the Relatives of the Bride," are frequently +placed in the pews to indicate where they are to sit.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Bride</big></b> should stand at the bridegroom's left hand; +the bride's father, or nearest male relative, should stand at +her left hand, in order to give her away.</p> + +<p>The bridesmaids should stand immediately behind the +bride in the order in which they pass up the church.</p> + +<p>The bride should take off her gloves at the commencement +of the service and should give them with her bouquet +to the head bridesmaid to hold.</p> + +<p>The invited guests should sit in the pews or chairs.</p> + +<p>Guests seldom take their prayer-books with them to the +church to follow the service therefrom. The hymns sung +are usually printed on leaflets, and placed in the pews or +on the seats.</p> + +<p>The bridegroom generally wears a flower in his button-hole, +as he does not wear a wedding favour.</p> + +<p>The other gentlemen may, as a matter of course, wear +button-hole bouquets, if they please.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When the Service is concluded</big></b>, the bride should +take the bridegroom's left arm, and, preceded by the +officiating clergyman, and followed by her head bridesmaids, +father, mother, and the most distinguished of the +guests, should enter the vestry, where the register should<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_134" id="Page_134">[134]</a></span> +be signed by the bride and bridegroom, two or three of +the nearest relatives, and by two or three of the most intimate +of the friends, and principal of the guests, including +the best man and the head bridesmaid. The bride's father +should sign it, but it is optional whether the bride's mother +does so or not.</p> + +<p>When the register has been signed, and those in the +vestry have shaken hands with the bride and offered their +congratulations, the bride should take the bridegroom's +left arm and pass down the nave of the church followed +by her bridesmaids, in the same order as they have previously +passed up the nave.</p> + +<p>The bride and bridegroom usually leave the church +without pausing to shake hands with many of their friends +present if a reception is to follow.</p> + +<p>When the bride and bridegroom have driven off from +the church, the bride's mother should be the next to follow, +that she may be at home to receive the guests as they +arrive. There is no precedence as to the order in which +the remainder of the company leave the church; it entirely +depends on the cleverness of their servants in getting up +their motor-cars.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Button-hole Bouquets</big></b> of natural flowers have entirely +superseded the old-fashioned wedding favours for +both ladies and gentlemen, and are sometimes offered to +the guests before they leave their seats at the conclusion of +the ceremony, but not invariably so. Button-hole bouquets +should be worn on the left side, by both ladies and +gentlemen.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A Bride who is a Widow</big></b> should not wear a bridal +veil, nor a wreath of orange-blossoms, nor orange-blossom +on her dress.</p> + +<p>She should not be attended by bridesmaids, and wedding +favours should not be worn by the guests.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_135" id="Page_135">[135]</a></span></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>How the Invitations to the Wedding Reception +of a Widow</big></b> should be issued depends upon individual +circumstances. For instance, if a young widow resides +with her parents, the invitations should be issued in their +names as at her first marriage, and the form of invitation +should be similar, save that the words "Their daughter, +Mrs. A., widow of Mr. A." should be substituted for her +christian name. If, as is very frequently the case, a widow +resides in her own house, or if the marriage is to take +place from an hotel, the invitations should be issued in +her own name, and the form should be "Mrs. Cecil A. +requests the pleasure (or the honour) of Mr. and Mrs. +B.'s company at her marriage with Mr. Henry C., at St. +George's Church on Tuesday, December 30th, at 2.30 +o'clock, and afterwards at Eaton Gardens, R.S.V.P." "The +presence of" instead of "the company of" may be put if +preferred.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>It is understood that a Widow should not have +Bridesmaids</big></b>, but it is open to her to have the attendance +of pages, if a wedding is to be a fashionable and smart one, +although many ladies do not avail themselves of this privilege. +The bridegroom should have a best man, as a matter +of course; he may be the bride's brother if desired (the +idea that this is not permitted is an erroneous one). A +married man might be asked to act in the capacity of best +man, there being no bridesmaids to require his attention, +although this is seldom done, and a bachelor brother or +friend is preferred.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A Widow may be given away</big></b> by her father, uncle, +brother, or even by a friend; indeed, it is more usual to +have this support than not. At a first marriage "to be +given away" is imperative, at a second it is optional; and +if a widow at a quiet wedding prefers not to follow this +custom she can do so.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_136" id="Page_136">[136]</a></span></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Much Uncertainty exists as to whether a +Widow should or should not continue to wear +her First Wedding Ring</big></b> when she marries a second +time. In point of fact there is no hard and fast rule with +regard to it, and a widow may continue or not continue to +wear it, as she feels inclined. If she has children, and has +had some years of married life, she usually retains it. If +she is a young widow, she is likely to remove it, and wear +the second ring only; but when this is her intention, she +should not cease to wear it until she has arrived at the +church, and has taken off her gloves previous to the ceremony; +but, take it all in all, it is more usual to wear the +two wedding rings than the second one only.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Formerly, Widows considered it Imperative to +be married in Widow's Colours</big></b>, grey or mauve, and +that white was forbidden wear; but it is no longer so +regarded, and a widow may and does wear white or cream +on her wedding-day—not exactly a maiden bridal dress, as +a tinge of colour is introduced. The larger number still +regard pale grey or pale heliotrope as more suitable on the +occasion of a second marriage, and doubtless this is so +when a widow is not in her first youth. A widow may not, +of course, wear a bridal veil; she must wear a hat or toque, +white or coloured, as she pleases. She can have a bouquet, +not of white flowers only, but mauve or pink, or violets, +according to choice. It is quite permissible to have a full +choral service, and for the church in which the ceremony +is performed to be decorated with plants and flowers, but +wedding favours should not be given to the guests at its +conclusion.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When a Widow has a reception the Newly +Married Pair should receive their Guests</big></b> standing +together. The bride's mother, or near relative, could +assist them in receiving. If a luncheon is to be given,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_137" id="Page_137">[137]</a></span> +they should lead the way to the dining-room, and sit at the +head of the table, side by side; but if a reception tea is +given, the guests might be sent in at the tea hour—that is to +say, told that tea is going on, and the bride and bridegroom +could follow later should the numbers be too great to admit +of all going into the tea-room at the same time.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>It is quite in Order for a Widow to have a +Wedding Cake</big></b>, but it should not be decorated with +orange blossoms or with white flowers, merely with icing +and ornamentations. The display of presents at the +marriage of a widow is, as a rule, a very restricted one. +The bridegroom and the bridegroom's family being the +principal donors, the presents are seldom exhibited. The +exception is when a widow has made many new friends, +and has received wedding presents from them. Presents, +when made to a widow having a house of her own, are +expected to be of substantial value, and there is a general +reluctance felt to offering her trifles, even if expensive ones, +such as a girl-bride would appreciate; not so a married +lady of social standing.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>On arriving at the House</big></b> where the wedding +luncheon or reception is to be held, the gentlemen should +leave their hats in the hall. The ladies should not remove +their bonnets or hats at a wedding luncheon or reception, +neither should the bridesmaids do so.</p> + +<p>Gentlemen should take off their gloves at wedding +luncheons, but it is optional whether ladies do so or +not.</p> + +<p>At receptions it is optional with both ladies and gentlemen +whether they take off their gloves or not.</p> + +<p>The guests who have not already had an opportunity of +speaking to the bride and bridegroom, on being ushered +into the drawing-room, where the company assembles, +should shake hands with them, having first gone through<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_138" id="Page_138">[138]</a></span> +that ceremony with the host and hostess, if they have not +already done so.</p> + +<p>Previous to luncheon being announced the bride's father +or mother should tell the principal of the gentlemen present +whom to take down to luncheon. But this only applies to +a sit-down luncheon.</p> + +<p>At standing-up luncheons the guests are not sent in in +couples, but go in as they please, even two or three ladies +together, and little or no precedency, bridal or otherwise, +is followed as a general rule.</p> + +<p>The luncheon should be served in the dining-room, +library, or large marquee, as the case may be.</p> + +<p>The bride's mother and the bridegroom's mother should +take precedence of all other ladies present on the occasion +of a wedding luncheon.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>At strictly Family Gatherings the Guests should +go in to Luncheon in the following order</big></b>:—The +bride and bridegroom. The bride's father with the bridegroom's +mother. The bridegroom's father with the bride's +mother. The best man with the head bridesmaid. The +remaining bridesmaids with the gentlemen who are to take +them in to luncheon.</p> + +<p>The rest of the company should follow in the wake of +the bridesmaids. The bride should take the bridegroom's +left arm.</p> + +<p>Sitting-down luncheons and standing-up luncheons are +equally fashionable, although the latter are far more general, +and little or no bridal precedency is observed. When a +standing-up luncheon is given, small tables are arranged for +the convenience of the bridal party on one side of the room, +while a long table occupies the centre of the room.</p> + +<p>When a sitting-down luncheon is given the bride and +bridegroom should sit either at the head of a long table or +at the centre of it—the bride at the bridegroom's left hand. +The bride's father should sit next the bride with the bridegroom's<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_139" id="Page_139">[139]</a></span> +mother. When the bride and bridegroom sit at +the centre of the table the bridesmaids should sit opposite +to them with the gentlemen who have taken them in to +luncheon; each sitting at a gentleman's right hand.</p> + +<p>When the bride and bridegroom occupy the head of the +table, the bridesmaids, with the gentlemen who have taken +them in to luncheon, should place themselves next the +parents on either side of the table, dividing their number +into two groups.</p> + +<p>When the bride's father is dead, her eldest brother or +nearest male relative should take his place and should take +the bridegroom's mother in to luncheon.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A Wedding Breakfast</big></b> is now termed a luncheon, +champagne and other wines take the place of tea and coffee, +which beverages are not served until towards the end of +the luncheon. At weddings which take place at 2.30 p.m., a +luncheon is frequently given at 3, followed by a "tea" at 4.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Luncheon Menu</big></b> generally comprises soup, +entrées both hot and cold; chickens, game, mayonnaises, +salads, jellies, creams, etc., etc., and other dishes of a like +character.</p> + +<p>The sweets should be placed on the table, fruit also.</p> + +<p>The entrées, etc., should be handed by the servants, the +sweets should also be taken off the table by the men-servants +and handed round in turn.</p> + +<p>At a standing-up luncheon the gentlemen should help +the ladies and themselves to the various dishes on the +table, as dishes are not handed at this description of +luncheon; hot entrées and soup are not given. The menu +is in other respects similar.</p> + +<p>The tables should be decorated with flowers at either +a standing-up or a sitting-down luncheon. Bottles of +champagne should be placed the length of the table at a +standing-up luncheon; if not, the gentlemen should ask the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_140" id="Page_140">[140]</a></span> +servants in attendance for champagne for the ladies they +have taken down, and for themselves. At a sitting-down +luncheon the servants offer champagne to the guests in the +same order in which they hand the dishes.</p> + +<p>When the sweets have been handed the bride should cut +the wedding-cake. This she does by merely making the first +incision with a knife; it should then be cut by the butler +into small slices, and handed on dessert plates to the guests.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Health of the Bride and Bridegroom</big></b> should +then be proposed by the most distinguished guest present, +for which the bridegroom should return thanks. He should +then propose the health of the bridesmaids, for which the +best man should return thanks.</p> + +<p>Occasionally the gentleman of highest rank present +also proposes this health in place of the bridegroom.</p> + +<p>The health of the bride's father and mother should be +proposed by the bridegroom's father.</p> + +<p>It is now the custom to confine proposing healths at +wedding luncheons within the narrowest limits. The health +of the bride and bridegroom, and that of the bridesmaids +being, in general, the only healths proposed.</p> + +<p>At standing-up luncheons and at wedding receptions, the +health of the bride and bridegroom only is proposed.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Bride should leave the Dining-room</big></b> immediately +after the healths have been drunk, to change her +dress for departure.</p> + +<p>The head bridesmaid should accompany her, if related +to her, and the guests should adjourn to the drawing-room +to await the bride's reappearance, which should not be long +delayed, and the adieus should then be made. Leave-takings +should not be prolonged more than is absolutely +necessary.</p> + +<p>The parents should follow the bride and bridegroom +into the hall, and adieus to them should there be made.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_141" id="Page_141">[141]</a></span></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Old-fashioned Custom</big></b> of throwing satin +slippers after the bride is sometimes observed, foolish as it +is. It is the best man's or the head bridesmaid's privilege +to perform this ridiculous act.</p> + +<p>When rice is thrown after a bride it should be +scattered by the married and not by the unmarried +ladies present; but the custom, like that of throwing +the so-called "confetti," is now practically obsolete in +good society.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Strewing the Bride's Path with Flowers</big></b> from +the church to the carriage by village children is a custom +much followed at weddings which take place in the country.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Honeymoon</big></b> now seldom lasts longer than a +week or ten days. Many brides prefer spending their +honeymoon in their future home, if it happens to be in the +country, instead of making a hurried trip to Paris or +elsewhere, or to spending it at the country house of a friend, +lent to them for the purpose. But it is entirely a matter of +individual feeling which course is taken.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Bride's Trousseau</big></b> should be marked with the +initials of the name she is to take.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Bridegroom should provide</big></b> the house-linen +and all other things appertaining to the bride's new home.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Wedding Presents</big></b> should be dispatched to the +bride's residence immediately after the wedding, and they +should at once be put into their several places, and not +arranged for the purpose of being shown to visitors.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Bridal Wreath</big></b> should not be worn after the +wedding-day. The bridal wreath, the bridal bouquet, and +the orange blossoms from the wedding-cake, if treasured as<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_142" id="Page_142">[142]</a></span> +mementos of the happy event, should be preserved in the +recesses of a locked drawer in the bride's chamber, and not +exhibited under glass shades in the drawing-room.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Precedence</big></b> should not be accorded to a bride during +the first three months after marriage, although this old-fashioned +custom is sometimes followed at country dinner-parties +on the occasion of a bride's first visit.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Custom of sending Wedding Cake</big></b> to friends +is an exploded one, and only followed between near relations.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Wedding Cards</big></b> are, strictly speaking, out of date, +and only sent by people who adhere to old-fashioned customs.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Words "No Cards"</big></b> should not be inserted +when the announcement of a marriage is sent to the newspapers; +neither should the intimation be added that the +bride and bridegroom will be "at home" on certain days.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_143" id="Page_143">[143]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XVII</h2> + +<h3>WEDDING RECEPTIONS</h3> + +<p class="noin"><b><big>An Afternoon Wedding</big></b> usually takes place between +2 and 2.30 o'clock, and the "reception" that follows is +given from 2.30 to 5, on the return from the church.</p> + +<p>When a wedding is a choral one the choir and clergy +frequently head the bridal procession. This is arranged with +the vicar of the church where the marriage is solemnised.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Invitations</big></b> to wedding receptions are no longer issued +on "at home" cards, but are included in the invitations +to the wedding ceremony issued in printed notes. (See +<a href="#Page_128">Chapter XVI</a>.)</p> + +<p>The arrangements in the tea-room, and the refreshments +given, should be similar to those provided at large +afternoon "at homes," with the addition of wedding-cake +and champagne.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Ceremony</big></b> is, as far as possible, dispensed with as +regards sending the guests into the tea-room, and this is +a great advantage gained over a wedding luncheon, either +a sitting-down or a standing-up one, when people are +doubtful as to the exact place belonging to each individual +relative.</p> + +<p>The bride and bridegroom either enter first, followed +by the bridesmaids and a few of the principal guests, or +they follow later, as they prefer. The remainder of the company +should make their way downstairs as space permits, +for a wedding reception is a crowded affair, even in the +largest of mansions. Not only is every one invited who<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_144" id="Page_144">[144]</a></span> +has given a wedding present to either bride or bridegroom, +within visiting distance, but even others who are not +intimate enough to be expected to do so.</p> + +<p>The guests should not make their way in the first +instance to the tea-room, but should proceed at once to +the drawing-room and shake hands with the host and +hostess, and afterwards with the bride and bridegroom. +The bride and bridegroom should stand together within +the drawing-room and shake hands with all those with +whom they are acquainted. The bride and bridegroom +should be the first to enter the tea-room. Flowers, as a +matter of course, are a great feature at wedding receptions.</p> + +<p>The tea and coffee should be served by the maid-servants, +generally by the lady's maids, but men-servants +should also be in attendance to open the champagne as +required. Very little wine is drunk at this hour of the day. +Ladies seldom care for it, and gentlemen avoid it on +principle. Still, out of compliment to the bride, the relatives +quaff a cup of sparkling wine, although her health +is seldom proposed or speeches of any kind made. The +bride should put the knife into the wedding-cake, and the +butler should cut it up and hand it to the guests.</p> + +<p>Seats should not be placed in the tea-room, and the +tables should occupy the top or side, or both the top and +side, of the room, according to the number of guests +invited, so as to leave as much space as possible in the +centre of the room.</p> + +<p>The bride and bridegroom are not always present at +a wedding tea, as the departure for the proposed place of +honeymoon does not in every case admit of it, and the +mother holds the "at home," and the guests inspect +the presents after the newly-married couple have left.</p> + +<p>An "at home" is sometimes given a few days previous +to the wedding for the inspection of the presents, if they +are very numerous and beautiful; but even when this is +done they still form a centre of interest on the afternoon<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_145" id="Page_145">[145]</a></span> +of the wedding to the many guests. When jewellery and +plate to any great extent form a portion of the presents, it +is sometimes thought necessary to have a policeman on duty +while the house is open to so many comers, and when to +effect an entrance under the pretext of business would be +an easy matter.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_146" id="Page_146">[146]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XVIII</h2> + +<h3>WEDDING EXPENSES</h3> + +<p class="noin"><b><big>The Responsibilities of a Bridegroom</big></b> from a pecuniary +point of view commence from the moment of his +engagement. He must at once present the bride-elect with +an engagement ring. A man of even moderate wealth finds +no difficulty in choosing and purchasing a handsome ring +costing from £50 to £100; but a poor man, possessing +but a small income, is often put to more expense than he +can conveniently afford in the matter of an engagement +ring. He knows all the members of the bride's family will +sit in judgment upon it if it is but a modest gift worth +about £10, which is quite as much as he feels he is +justified in spending; he knows that both it and himself +will be regarded as very mean, or as conveying a not very +inspiriting prospect of days to come. The engagement +ring worn on the bride's finger after marriage is a lasting +memento, and if a poor one she will not be proud of it—neither +will he. Rich men take the brides to choose +engagement rings, expense being no object to them; but +poor men cannot do this, as the choice might fall on gems +beyond their means, therefore they make the choice themselves, +according to the position of the families they are +about to enter. If the standing is above their own, from +a money point of view, the engagement rings have to be +chosen in accordance with the jewels worn by members +of such families, and a bridegroom would thus spend £40 +at least on an engagement ring suitable to a lady so placed.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_147" id="Page_147">[147]</a></span> +On the other hand, when men with small incomes marry +the daughters of parents of a similar position to their own, +the engagement rings given are not costly ones, and a ten-pound +note, or even less, would cover the cost of these +binding tokens. The wedding rings are within the means +of all bridegrooms, be they ever so poor.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>During the Engagement</big></b> the question of presents +to the brides-elect is never absent from the thoughts of +their bridegrooms. The wealthy please themselves and +their brides by giving costly jewels, which are often chosen +by the brides themselves in company with their bridegrooms. +This is very delightful shopping, but it does not +fall to the lot of the great majority. Men of moderate +means give presents of moderate value and few in number; +they are not bound by etiquette during their engagements +to give any jewellery if their incomes do not warrant this +outlay; but a man must have very little money to go upon +if he cannot contrive to give a bracelet or necklet or some +such trinket to the girl he is about to marry.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>To give Presents to the Bridesmaids</big></b> is another +of the obligations of bridegrooms. Here again, the wealthy +exercise their generosity and good taste with the concurrence +of their brides, who assist them in the choice of +suitable presents in articles of jewellery. These average +£5 and upwards for each bridesmaid, which bring it to a +good total when the bridesmaids are numerous. The point +that affects the generosity of bridegrooms, however, is not +how much they ought to spend on these presents, but +rather, how little may be spent upon them with due consideration +for the fitness of things, viz. the position of the +bridesmaids. Two sovereigns would be a reasonable sum +for a man of small means to spend on each gift to the +bridesmaid.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_148" id="Page_148">[148]</a></span></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Bridal Bouquet and the Bridesmaids' +Bouquets</big></b> come next on the list of expenses a bridegroom +defrays. Rich men spend liberally in this direction, but +average sums to give to meet ordinary incomes are two +guineas to one guinea for a bride's bouquet, and five and +twenty to fifteen shillings each for the bridesmaids' bouquets.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Fees connected with the Ceremony</big></b> are +strictly the province of the bridegroom to defray. If a +marriage is by licence, he pays the cost, which in town +amounts to £2 2<i>s.</i> 6<i>d.</i>, and in the country from £2 12<i>s.</i> 6<i>d.</i> +to £3 3<i>s.</i> The fee to the vicar of the church where the +marriage is to be solemnised varies from £1 1<i>s.</i> to £5 5<i>s.</i>, +oftener £1 1<i>s.</i> than not with the majority of bridegrooms +with moderate incomes, the exception being £5 5<i>s.</i> The +minor fees are very trifling that a bridegroom is expected +to pay. He pays the organist for playing a wedding march +at the conclusion of the service, if it is not a choral one; +the bell-ringers look to him for their fee, as do the vergers, +etc. Thus a bridegroom pays for what is absolutely necessary +at the marriage ceremony only, and very little besides.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When a Friend of the Bride or Bridegroom +performs the Ceremony</big></b> or assists at it a fee is not given +to him by the bridegroom, but a present of some kind is +made to him, either in silver plate or by a small cheque, +as circumstances dictate, for railway expenses or otherwise. +It is usual for the bridegroom to do this unless the clergyman +in question is a relative of the bride, when a joint +present is usually given by bride and bridegroom.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Bride's Parents bear a Large Share of the +Wedding Expenses</big></b>, foremost of which is the bride's +trousseau, the cost of this being entirely dependent on position +and income. The dinners and "at homes" given before<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_149" id="Page_149">[149]</a></span> +the marriage to introduce the bridegroom to the members +of the bride's family are given by the bride's parents. The +wedding reception is given by them, either at their own +residence or at an hotel. As concerns their share of the +expenses connected with the ceremony, it depends upon +whether the wedding is to be a smart one or a quiet one. If +the former, the expenses that fall to them are somewhat +considerable; if the latter, they are almost nil. A choral +service, for instance, is paid for by the bride's parents, the +organist, choirmaster, and choir all being severally paid by +them. If the hymns sung are printed on leaflets this trifling +expense also is included. All floral decorations are paid +for by the bride's parents, as is the hire of the awning and +the red felt at the church doors. When wedding favours or +button-holes are given it is by them also.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For whom the Bride's Family are expected to +provide Conveyances is invariably a Misunderstood +Detail.</big></b>—The bride's father has only to provide carriages +or cars to convey himself and bride to the church, and for +those members of his family residing under his roof, and +for visitors staying with him for the wedding. He is not +required to provide them for any other of the guests, save +in the country, and then only for those who arrive by train +at a roadside station and cannot obtain conveyances for +themselves. In town the bridegroom has to provide the +motor-car to convey himself and bride from the church to her +father's house, and afterwards to the station. In the country +the reverse is the case, and the bride's father does this by +lending one of his own carriages or cars for the purpose.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Bridegroom is expected to provide the +Furniture</big></b> and all household effects for the new home, +including plate and linen, which latter naturally form very +important items. Many of the bridal presents, however +are made to lighten these expenses, and consist of plate to<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_150" id="Page_150">[150]</a></span> +a great extent, and occasionally of linen also, from the +members of the bride's family; still, the rule in England is +that the bridegroom should provide it as part of the necessaries +of the home, and the gift of it by relatives is altogether +optional.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_151" id="Page_151">[151]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XIX</h2> + +<h3>AFTERNOON "AT HOMES"</h3> + +<p class="noin"><b><big>Afternoon "At Homes"</big></b> are a great feature amongst +the entertainments of the day, large afternoon parties, and +small afternoon parties; parties so large that the number +of guests equals those at a big crush or evening reception, +and so small that they might fairly come under the denomination +of afternoon teas.</p> + +<p>At afternoon "at homes," ladies are present in a +considerable majority, there being usually from about ten +gentlemen to thirty ladies on an average present at these +gatherings. Ladies have a decided partiality for this class +of entertainment, as it affords an opportunity for meeting +their friends and acquaintances, or for making new +acquaintances, and for forming future plans and interchanging +civilities; and even in the height of the London +season, afternoon "at homes" are fully attended by the +members of the fashionable world.</p> + +<p>There are various classes of afternoon "at homes": +the large "at home" of from fifty to two hundred guests, +when usually professional vocal and instrumental talent is +engaged, and fairly good music given, although the entertainment +is not of sufficient importance to be termed a +concert; the "at home" of from fifty to a hundred guests +when only amateur talent is in requisition; and the small +"at home" of from ten to thirty people, when conversation +usually takes the place of music, the party being composed +of friends rather than of acquaintances.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_152" id="Page_152">[152]</a></span></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Invitations to "At Homes"</big></b> should be issued in the +name of the hostess only, and not in the united names of +the master and mistress of the house.</p> + +<p>Invitations should be issued on "at home" cards, large +and small, and also on visiting cards. The name of the +person invited should be written at the top of the card at +the right-hand corner, the words "at home" being printed +beneath the name of the lady issuing the invitation, and the +day and date beneath the words "at home," and the hour +beneath the date. Any amusement to be given should be +added at the bottom of the card at the left-hand corner. +The address should be printed at the right-hand corner at +the bottom of the card.</p> + +<p>The letters R.S.V.P. are occasionally either written +or printed on the "at home" card, at the left-hand corner +of the bottom of the card, but it is not usual to write +"R.S.V.P." in the corner of an afternoon "at home" +card, as it is immaterial how many guests are present at +this class of entertainment; but if an answer is so requested, +an answer should be sent. R.S.V.P. signifies "<i>répondez, +s'il vous plaît</i>" or "an answer is requested."</p> + +<p>It is customary to include the head of the family, either +husband or father, in the invitation. Thus, at the top of +the card, at the right-hand corner should be written "Mr. +and Mrs. A.," or "Mr. and Miss A." The daughters of the +house should be included in the invitation sent to their +mother. Thus "Mr. and Mrs. A.," "The Misses A.," but +the sons of the house should be invited separately.</p> + +<p>When a family consists of a mother and daughters, the +invitation should be "Mrs. and the Misses A."</p> + +<p>The title of "Honourable" should not be put on an +invitation card, but only on the envelope containing the +card.</p> + +<p>All other titles are recognised on invitation cards; but +the letters K.C.B., M.P., etc., should not be written on the +cards, but only on the envelopes in which they are enclosed.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_153" id="Page_153">[153]</a></span></p> + +<p>If a lady is aware that she will be unable to be present, +it would be polite to send her excuses, although strict +etiquette does not demand it; both the invitation and the +answer can in all cases be sent by post.</p> + +<p>It is not now considered necessary to leave cards after +afternoon "at homes."</p> + +<p>Invitations to large afternoon "at homes" should be +issued a fortnight previous to the day, and to small "at +homes" within a week or so of the day.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Arrival of Guests.</big></b>—When invited guests arrive, +they should not inquire if the hostess is at home, but at +once enter the house; and they should be ushered at once +into the tea-room.</p> + +<p>The gentlemen should leave their hats and overcoats in +the hall.</p> + +<p>At large "at homes" a cloak-room should be provided, +so that a lady could remove a cloak or fur-cape, usually +worn during the winter weather; but at small "at homes" +a cloak-room is not necessary, as the reception-rooms are +neither so crowded nor so warm, neither are the ladies' +toilettes so elaborate.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Refreshments.</big></b>—At large "at homes" refreshments +should be served in the dining-room, on a long buffet at +one end of the room, or on a long table the length of the +room.</p> + +<p>The lady's-maids and other maid-servants should stand +behind the table to pour out and hand the cups of tea or +coffee across the table as asked for.</p> + +<p>It is usual to have women-servants on these occasions +to pour out the tea, a man-servant or men-servants being +also in attendance, in case anything is required of them, +although gentlemen usually help themselves to claret-cup, +wine, etc.</p> + +<p>The usual refreshments given at these "at homes" are<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_154" id="Page_154">[154]</a></span> +tea and coffee, the latter served from large silver urns. +(See chapter "Preparing Afternoon Tea," in the work +entitled "Waiting at Table.") Sherry, champagne-cup, +claret-cup, ices, fruit, fancy biscuits and cakes, thin bread-and-butter, +potted game, sandwiches, etc.</p> + +<p>Ice plates are used for ices, dessert plates for fruit and +fruit salads.</p> + +<p>At small "at homes" champagne, claret-cup, and ices +are not given. The tea should be made in teapots, instead +of in urns, at both large and small "at homes."</p> + +<p>At small "at homes" the tea is usually served in the +smaller of the two drawing-rooms, or in an adjoining +boudoir or ante-room. The tea is then poured out by the +young ladies of the house, or by the hostess herself, but +seldom by maid-servants when served in the drawing-room.</p> + +<p>The most convenient manner, however, of serving tea +is to serve it in the dining-room, unless the number of +guests is limited, when it would appear unsociable if they +were to congregate in the dining-room, leaving the hostess +comparatively alone in the drawing-room.</p> + +<p>When tea is served in the dining-room, the guests are +usually asked by the servant in attendance if they will have +tea before being ushered into the drawing-room.</p> + +<p>At small teas, the cups of tea should be handed to the +ladies by the gentlemen present, or by the young lady +officiating at the tea-table, and gentlemen generally stand +about the room, or near the tea-table, at small "at homes."</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Receiving Guests.</big></b>—The servant should precede the +guests to the drawing-room as in "morning calls."</p> + +<p>At large "at homes" the hostess should receive her +guests at the drawing-room door, and shake hands with +each on arrival. The drawing-room door should remain +open, and she should stand within the doorway.</p> + +<p>At small teas, the drawing-room door should not remain<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_155" id="Page_155">[155]</a></span> +open, and the hostess should receive her guests within the +room, as at "morning calls."</p> + +<p>The guests should arrive from a quarter-past four until +half-past five or six o'clock. The guests are not expected to +remain the whole three hours specified, and are at liberty +to remain as long or as short a time as they please. The +earliest arrivals are generally the first to leave.</p> + +<p>When the hostess judges it expedient to do so, she introduces +one or two of the ladies to each other, either in a +formal manner (see <a href="#Page_6">Chapter II</a>.), or in a semi-formal +manner, by saying, "Mrs. A., I don't think you know +Mrs. B."; but she should not say this unless quite certain +that Mrs. B. desires the acquaintance of Mrs. A., or that +Mrs. A. has no objection to knowing Mrs. B.<a name="FNanchor_5_5" id="FNanchor_5_5"></a><a href="#Footnote_5_5" class="fnanchor">[5]</a></p> + +<p>It is rather the exception than the rule to make general +introductions on these occasions. Introductions should +only be made when the hostess is aware that the persons +introduced would be likely to appreciate each other, or for +any reason of equal weight.</p> + +<p>The guests should go to the tea-room with any gentlemen +of their acquaintance present, or in the case of ladies +with each other, if they have not done so on arrival.</p> + +<p>This move to the tea-room is usually made in the +intervals between music, recitations, etc.</p> + +<p>Occasionally, the hostess introduces one or two of the +gentlemen present to the ladies of highest rank for the +purpose of sending them into the tea-room.</p> + +<p>A lady should place her empty cup on any table near at +hand, unless a gentleman offers to put it down for her. It +is optional whether a lady removes her gloves or not, and +many prefer not to do so.</p> + +<p>At large "at homes," the hostess remains at her post the +whole of the time, and hardly ever sits down. At small<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_156" id="Page_156">[156]</a></span> +"at homes," she should move amongst her guests, conversing +with them all more or less. When there are daughters, they +should assist their mother in entertaining the guests.</p> + +<p>When ladies are acquainted, they should take an opportunity +of speaking to each other. It is usual for ladies to +move about the rooms at afternoon "at homes" to speak +to their various friends and acquaintances; and they are +by no means obliged to remain seated in one spot unless +desirous of doing so.</p> + +<p>When music is given at afternoon "at homes," it is usual +to listen to the performance, or at least to appear to do so; +and if conversation is carried on, it should be in a low tone, +so as not to disturb or annoy the performers.</p> + +<p>It is not necessary to take leave of the hostess at afternoon +"at homes," unless she is standing near the drawing-room +door when the guest is passing out, or unless she is a +new acquaintance, and the visit a first one at her house, +when it would be polite to do so.</p> + +<p>When it is late, and but a few guests still remain, these +few should make their adieus to the hostess.</p> + +<p>At these afternoon teas or "at homes," the hostess should +not ring to order the door to be opened for the departing +guest or for her motor-car to be called, as at "morning calls." +The guests make their way to the hall, and the servants in +attendance call up the motor-cars as they are asked for.</p> + +<p>Motor-cars should always be kept in waiting at afternoon +"at homes," as ladies are sometimes unable to remain +longer than a quarter of an hour.</p> + +<p>The guests either remain in the hall or in the dining-room +until they hear their motor-cars are announced.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Gratuities</big></b> should never be offered to servants at these +entertainments, or, in fact, at any entertainment whatever.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Afternoon Concerts.</big></b>—When afternoon concerts are +given, invitations should be issued on the usual "at home"<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_157" id="Page_157">[157]</a></span> +cards, which can be purchased with the words "at home," +etc., already printed, or they are printed to order, with the +name and address of the hostess. The name of the person +invited should be written above the name of the hostess at +the right-hand corner of the card.</p> + +<p>The date under the line "at home" should be in +the centre of the card beneath the name of the hostess; +the hour should be written at the left-hand corner, and the +letters R.S.V.P. The printed address should be at the +right-hand corner.</p> + +<p>The names of the performers should be added at the +bottom of the card at the right-hand corner.</p> + +<p>The hour usually fixed for a concert is 3 o'clock.</p> + +<p>The hostess should receive her guests at the drawing-room +door, when they should at once seat themselves. +The seats should be arranged in rows down the centre +of the room, and sofas and settees should be placed around +the room.</p> + +<p>The programme of a concert is divided into two parts, +and at the conclusion of the first part the guests should +repair to the dining-room for refreshments, which are served +as at large "at homes."</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Afternoon Dances.</big></b>—Invitations to afternoon dances +should be issued on "at home" cards in the manner already +described. "Dancing" should be printed in the corner of +cards, and the hour of "4 to 7" o'clock substituted for +that of "3" o'clock. The words "afternoon dance" should +not be written on an invitation card, and there is no other +received form of invitation for afternoon dances than the +one already given.</p> + +<p>Afternoon dances are very popular at watering-places, +military stations, small towns in the vicinity of London, +etc., but are seldom given in London itself.</p> + +<p>Refreshments should be served during the whole of the +afternoon, from 4 to 7, as at large "at homes."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_158" id="Page_158">[158]</a></span></p> + +<p>The ladies should remove their jackets or wraps in the +cloak-room, but retain their hats or bonnets; the hostess +should receive her guests at the drawing-room door, as at +an afternoon "at home."</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Bridge Teas</big></b> occupy an important place in social life. +They are a convenient form of entertainment, as they allow +of a small number of guests being invited, even as few +as eight persons being considered a reasonable number of +players to invite, while twenty-four is distinctly an outside +one. The average number is in most instances sixteen, +all told.</p> + +<p>The play usually commences at 3.30, sometimes earlier, +and continues until 7.30, allowing an interval for "tea" +at 4.30.</p> + +<p>The invitations to these informal gatherings are either +issued in friendly notes or on visiting cards. If on the +latter, the words "at home," day, and date are written +under the name of the hostess, while "Bridge, 3.30," or +"3 o'clock" is put in the corner of the cards opposite +the address.</p> + +<p>The hostess arranges beforehand the places the guests +are to occupy at the different tables; this is done that the +good players may play together. When all have arrived, +the hostess tells her guests where to sit, and is herself one +of the players. On taking their seats they cut for partners. +She does not invite guests to look on, as it would necessitate +her not playing, but talking to them while they remain; +besides conversation is discouraged, as it distracts the +attention of the players from the game.</p> + +<p>The ladies retain their hats, but remove their coats, +furs, etc., on arrival.</p> + +<div class="footnotes"><h3>FOOTNOTES:</h3> + +<div class="footnote"><p><a name="Footnote_5_5" id="Footnote_5_5"></a><a href="#FNanchor_5_5"><span class="label">[5]</span></a> See chapter "Conversing with New Acquaintances," in the work +entitled "The Art of Conversing."</p></div> +</div> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_159" id="Page_159">[159]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XX</h2> + +<h3>"AT HOME" DAYS</h3> + +<p class="noin"><b><big>An "At Home"</big></b> day signifies that a lady is at home to +her friends and acquaintances on one particular day in the +week. She should intimate this fact by printing upon her +visiting cards the days on which she is at home. Thus: +"Thursdays in March," or "Thursdays in March and April," +or any day of the week she thinks proper to name. These +cards she should leave in person on those who are not at +home when she calls, or they can be sent by post. Those +she finds at home she should inform that her "at home" +day is "Thursday." She should not leave her visiting card +in this case, only two of her husband's cards, and the "at +home" day should not be written upon them.</p> + +<p>On the "at home" day, calls should be made from three +to six, or from four to six. The first comers should leave +before the afternoon tea hour and should limit their call +according to the degree of intimacy existing, remaining from +a quarter of an hour to an hour, as the case may be.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A Hostess or her Daughter should pour out the +Tea</big></b> on these "at home" days when tea is not served in +the dining-room as at "at homes," which should be done +when the number of visitors is very considerable.</p> + +<p>The popularity of a hostess is tested on these "at home" +days by the number of visitors who call during the afternoon, +and when "at home" days are not a success, socially<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_160" id="Page_160">[160]</a></span> +speaking, she should discontinue them after a certain time, +and should substitute an occasional "at home."</p> + +<p>It depends not a little on the social standing of the +lady who has an "at home" day and upon the locality in +which she lives, as to whether the "at home" day is a +failure or the reverse. In the outlying districts of town it +has its advantages, when to make a call amounts to almost +a journey, and when acquaintances are few in the immediate +neighbourhood. Again, it has its advantages when ladies +are much occupied during the week, and when their time +is given up to an engrossing occupation, charitable or +artistic, at home or away from home, literary or scientific, +at studios, museums and public institutions, etc., work undertaken +for their own amusement, profit, or advancement, or +for the benefit of others. To these ladies an "at home" +day is a convenience. One day in the week is all they can +allow themselves apart from their important engagements, +and to them quiet privacy and leisure are indispensable. +Fashionable ladies consider an "at home" day to be a +great tax upon their time and inclinations. Their engagements +are too numerous to admit of giving up one whole +afternoon in every week on the chance of people calling. +Not only long-standing but impromptu engagements preclude +this sacrifice. It would be a breach of politeness not +to be at home to callers on an "at home" day, and many +things might occur to necessitate absence from home on +that particular afternoon. If, however, absence is unavoidable, +a relative might take the place of the hostess on the +"at home" day in question.</p> + +<p>The people who thoroughly enjoy "at home" days are +those who have more time on their hands than they know +what to do with. The few calls they have to make are soon +made, the few friends they have to see are soon seen, +occupation they have none, and they are grateful for the +opportunity "at home" days offer of meeting their friends +and finding a hostess at home.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_161" id="Page_161">[161]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXI</h2> + +<h3>COLONIAL ETIQUETTE</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">Generally</span> speaking, etiquette is followed in the colonies +and in India by English men and women very much as in +the mother country as regards its principles, rules, and +observances. One marked difference occurs in the hours +of calling, it is true, they being regulated by climate. In +hot climates, the early morning hours, before noon, and +late evening hours, after sunset, are, according to the +fashion of the place, the chosen hours for calling; but in +more temperate climes—resembling our own—the afternoon +hours are, as with us, the hours for calling. Again, the +rule that residents should call upon new-comers, whether +they be visitors of other residents or intending residents, +holds equally good both in civilian and military circles +alike.</p> + +<p>In all colonies and dependencies "Government House" +is the centre to which all society gravitates—that is to say, +that all new-comers, whether they are to become permanent +or temporary residents, providing their social position +warrants the action, hasten to make known their arrival by +writing their names and addresses in the visitors' book kept +at each Government House for the purpose. The object +of doing this is to be received at Government House, and +thus to obtain an entrance into the society of the place. +What follows upon this social observance—it hardly merits +the name of civility, such calls being actuated by self-interest +in the first instance—depends upon a variety of<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_162" id="Page_162">[162]</a></span> +circumstances, the position of the caller, and whether the +stay is to be permanent or temporary, whether introductions +are brought or not, and so on. The invitations extended to +them are regulated accordingly. They may be limited to +afternoon "at homes"; or receptions, dinners, and dances +may be included; or a visit to the summer residence of the +Governor and his wife may also be reckoned amongst +invitations, as this latter is not an unusual display of +hospitality accorded to certain individuals.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>How the Governor of a Colony should be +addressed</big></b> by his guests depends upon his rank. As he +represents the sovereign, it would be quite correct to address +him as "Sir," as being the most deferential mode, and +Governors as a body rather like to be thus addressed. In +the case of a Governor being a knight—a very usual contingency—it +would be equally correct to address him as +"Sir George," and not as "Sir." When a Governor has +not received knighthood, he should be addressed as "Mr. A——," +when it is not desired to be too stiff and formal.</p> + +<p>In conversation, when referring to the Governor—he +being present—it should not be "The Governor," but +"Lord Blank," "Sir George," or "Mr. A—— said so and +so," unless strangers are present, before whom it would +seem right to be a little formal.</p> + +<p>In addressing a Governor by letter, the envelope should +be directed to "His Excellency Sir George Blank," however +friendly its contents may be; but when writing to a +Governor's wife, it has not been thought right to style her +"Her Excellency," but simply "Lady Blank," unless in the +case of a Viceroy's wife, as in India or Ireland; but as +against this the point was raised some years ago, and it was +then decided that the wives of Governors were entitled to +be so addressed.</p> + +<p>Colloquially, the members of a Governor's suite refer +to both the Governor and his wife as "His" and "Her<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_163" id="Page_163">[163]</a></span> +Excellency," and style them "Your Excellency," and all +who approach them officially, being of inferior rank, do +likewise; but socially they are seldom so addressed.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A Colonial Bishop</big></b> should not actually be styled "My +Lord," or referred to as "The Lord Bishop," if it is desired +to be quite correct; but "My Lord" or "The Lord Bishop" +is now often used by persons who know it is not the proper +style of address, but make use of these titles, wishing to be +more deferential than scrupulously correct. In writing to +a colonial bishop, the envelope should be addressed to +"The Right Rev. the Bishop of ——," and the letter commenced +"Right Rev. Sir" or "Dear Bishop Blank."</p> + +<p>A colonial officer who has received the King's special +permission to retain the title of "Honourable" which he +bore in his colony, is accorded at Court, <i>i.e.</i> at a levée, +Court ball, etc., the same precedence as a peer's son, who +is styled "Honourable," but this does not practically give +him any rank or precedence at ordinary social gatherings, +where that special grant is unknown or ignored. Also the +privilege confers no rank or precedence upon the wife or +daughters of a colonial Honourable, just as the wife of a +Right Honourable here has no special precedence.</p> + +<p>The title of Honourable cannot continue to be borne +by a retired colonial officer or Legislative Councillor unless +it has been specially authorised by the sovereign on the +recommendation of the Secretary of State for the Colonies.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_164" id="Page_164">[164]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXII</h2> + +<h3>INDIAN ETIQUETTE</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">It</span> is the custom that those who wish to be invited to +Government House (Viceregal House) at Simla, or elsewhere, +should, immediately on arrival, write their names in +the visitors' book kept for that purpose, and they are sure, +if in general society, to be asked to one or more of the +receptions held during the season. They are introduced +to the Vice-Queen—as the wife of the Viceroy is termed—by +one of the <i>aides-de-camp</i> in waiting.</p> + +<p>When a lady is the wife of a Government official, it +gives her a position in society in India which perhaps she +would not otherwise have, and is in itself a passport to most +functions. Official rank is everything in India.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>As regards attending the Viceregal Drawing-rooms</big></b>, +they are only held in Calcutta and in the evening. +If a lady has been presented at a Court in England, she can +attend a Drawing-room in Calcutta; but, if she has not been +presented at home, she must be introduced by some other +lady who has been presented at the Viceregal Court.</p> + +<p>In writing unofficially to the Governor-General of India, +it would not be correct to use the title of "Viceroy," and +the proper superscription is "His Excellency The Right +Hon."; or, if a Duke, "His Excellency The Duke of ——"; +or, if a Marquis, "His Excellency The Most Honble. +Marquis of ——," etc.</p> + +<p>To the wife of a Viceroy the address should be "Her<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_165" id="Page_165">[165]</a></span> +Excellency the Duchess of ——," "Her Excellency The +Marchioness of ——," "Her Excellency The Countess of ——"; +or "Her Excellency The Lady Blank," if the wife +of a Baron.</p> + +<p>When addressing a Viceroy or Vice-Queen colloquially +or unofficially, "Your Excellency" should not be used in +either case. The title only in both instances should be +employed.</p> + +<p>On being introduced to either of their Excellencies, it +would be correct to curtsy.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_166" id="Page_166">[166]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXIII</h2> + +<h3>GARDEN-PARTIES</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">Garden-parties</span> are entertainments that are annually given. +If the weather is fine, the more enjoyable it is for the +guests; if wet, a garden-party resolves itself into a large +"at home." In almost every county a series of garden-parties +is held by the principal ladies of their respective +neighbourhoods during August and September, nothing but +absence from home, illness, or some equally good reason +being considered sufficient excuse for the non-fulfilment of +this social duty.</p> + +<p>The county at large expects to be invited at least once +a year to roam about in the beautiful park of the lord +of the manor, to row on the lake, to play lawn-tennis on +the lawn, to wander through the winding paths of the +shady, leafy shrubberies, to admire the brilliant hues of +the geraniums bedded out on parterre and terrace, or the +variegated asters, or the late Gloire-de-Dijon roses, which +at the end of August are in their fullest beauty. Then +there are the conservatories through which to saunter, and +from which to beat a retreat, if the sun is too powerful, +into the mansion itself, the reception-rooms being generally +thrown open on the occasion of a garden-party.</p> + +<p>A garden-party is an occasion for offering hospitality to +a wide range of guests—people whom it would not be +convenient to entertain save at this description of gathering. +Invitations are on these occasions freely accorded to ladies, +from the energetic lady of eighty to the little lady of eight.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_167" id="Page_167">[167]</a></span></p> + +<p>One great advantage offered by a garden-party is that +it is immaterial to what extent ladies are in the majority, +and it is a reproach to a county rather than to a hostess +if the muster of guests is eighty ladies against twenty +gentlemen.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Invitations to a Garden-party</big></b> should be issued in +the name of the hostess, and within three weeks to a week +of the date fixed. "At home" cards should be used for +this purpose, and the words "and party" should be invariably +added after the names of the invited guests.</p> + +<p>"Croquet" or "Tennis" should be printed in one corner +of the card, the hour, 3 to 7 o'clock, above, the day and the +date beneath the name of hostess. "Weather permitting" +is seldom written upon the card, and the guests are expected +to arrive even though the afternoon should be showery and +overcast, and only a thoroughly wet afternoon, with no break +between the showers, should prevent their appearing. In +the country, ladies think little of a drive of ten miles to +attend a garden-party.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Arrangements for Garden-Parties.</big></b>—Garden-parties +or croquet-parties are given on different scales of +expenditure, and the preparations are regulated accordingly.</p> + +<p>When a garden-party is given on a small scale, and the +preparations are comparatively few, refreshments should be +served in the house. (For the usual refreshments provided, +and for the general arrangements, see work entitled "Waiting +at Table," p. 82.)</p> + +<p>A good supply of garden-chairs and seats should be +placed on the lawn and about the grounds, rugs spread on +the grass for those who sit out, and several sets of croquet +provided for players.</p> + +<p>At large garden-parties a band is considered a necessary +adjunct, and the band of the regiment quartered in the +vicinity is usually available for these occasions.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_168" id="Page_168">[168]</a></span></p> + +<p>A band gives <i>éclat</i> to an out-door gathering and confers +local importance upon it. Apart from this, the strains of a +band enliven an entertainment of this description in no +little degree. The place where the band is stationed is a +rallying-point for the company, and the expense and trouble +consequent upon engaging a band are repaid by the amusement +it affords.</p> + +<p>The matter of engaging a military band is generally +undertaken by the master of the house, rather than by the +mistress, as, in the first place, the consent of the colonel of +the regiment has to be obtained as a matter of form and +courtesy before the arrangements are completed with the +bandmaster.</p> + +<p>Conveyance for the band has also to be provided and +discussed with the bandmaster, and also refreshments for +the bandsmen; and these details are more effectually carried +out by a host than by a hostess.</p> + +<p>Occasionally a large marquee is erected in which to serve +refreshments, but more frequently the refreshments for the +general company are served in the house, and only cool +drinks dispensed in a tent to the cricketers or lawn-tennis +players.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Cricket-matches</big></b> are often the <i>raison d'être</i> of a +garden-party, rendering it popular with both ladies and +gentlemen. The cricket-match in this case generally takes +place in a field near to the grounds of the mansion, the +match commencing about twelve o'clock, and the general +company arriving about half-past three, or punctually at +four, to witness the finish.</p> + +<p>Golf now ranks first amongst fashionable out-door +amusements with both sexes. Private links are comparatively +few, but club links exist in almost every neighbourhood—ladies' +clubs, men's clubs, and clubs for both ladies +and gentlemen.</p> + +<p>Croquet or tennis tournaments are frequently the occasion<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_169" id="Page_169">[169]</a></span> +of giving garden-parties, and some very exciting play takes +place.</p> + +<p>When a tournament is held it takes the form of a +garden-party; it usually lasts two days. The arrangements +made for holding it depend upon circumstances, and it +takes place, as do archery-matches, in either private or +public grounds.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Amusements.</big></b>—When a number of children are expected +at a garden-party, performances of marionettes, or +Punch-and-Judy, or conjuring are given for their amusement.</p> + +<p>In districts remote from town, these shows are difficult +to obtain; therefore amateur showmen come bravely to the +rescue, and their kindly efforts to divert the juveniles meet +with due appreciation on all sides.</p> + +<p>Not seldom a little amateur music is given at a garden-party—not +a pre-arranged programme of music, but impromptu +performances. These good-natured efforts to +enliven the company occupy about an hour, and such performances +take place in either the drawing-room or music-room +of the mansion.</p> + +<p>Garden-parties seldom terminate with a dance, though +occasionally dancing closes the afternoon's amusements.</p> + +<p>The time occupied by croquet or tennis precludes all +desire on the part of the players for further exertion in the +shape of dancing, and young people apparently prefer playing +croquet from 3 to 7 on the lawn to dancing in a +marquee or in the drawing-room at that hour.</p> + +<p>A host and hostess receive their guests at a garden-party +on the lawn; strangers should be introduced to the hostess +by those who have undertaken to bring them to her house, +and she should shake hands with all comers. It is also +usual for guests to shake hands with the hostess on departure, +if opportunity offers for so doing.</p> + +<p>Garden-parties commence from 3.30 to 4 o'clock, and +terminate at 7 o'clock.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_170" id="Page_170">[170]</a></span></p> + +<p>In making preparations for a garden-party, stabling for +the carriage-horses and motor-cars of the numerous guests +should be taken into consideration, and refreshments provided +for the men-servants and chauffeurs.</p> + +<p>Public afternoon concerts, bazaars, and flower-shows +are essentially functions frequented by ladies <i>en masse</i>, and +it is the exception, rather than the rule, for gentlemen to +accompany them; again, at private afternoon gatherings, +ladies usually appear unaccompanied by gentlemen.</p> + +<p>When a garden-party is a very large function, it is not +unusual to put the words "garden-party" on the invitation +cards in place of the words "at home"; thus: "The +Countess of A—— requests the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. +B——'s company at a garden-party on ——," etc.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_171" id="Page_171">[171]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXIV</h2> + +<h3>TOWN GARDEN-PARTIES</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">The</span> first garden-parties in town are usually given early +in June, and continue during this and the ensuing month. +The garden-parties at Lambeth Palace and Fulham Palace +are the pioneers of the garden-party season, and the lead +is followed by general society with more or less alacrity.</p> + +<p>Town garden-parties resolve themselves into large +receptions held out-of-doors, and those who know what +crowded drawing-rooms imply in the sultry days of June +are particularly glad of this change of <i>locale</i>, and willingly +spend an hour or more at one of these out-of-door <i>reunions</i>, +instead of thinking a quarter of an hour's stay all too long +within doors, where it is a case of heat <i>versus</i> draught, and +difficult to determine where it is the most objectionable, in +the drawing-room, tea-room, or on a staircase. Although +these functions are designated "garden-parties," yet the real +style and title is "at homes," the address being sufficient +indication to the invited guests as to the description of +entertainment to be given, as the spacious gardens and +lawns in and around London where these annual parties +are held are well known to society at large. A band playing +in the grounds where the garden-party is given would +appear to be a <i>sine quâ non</i>, but the excellence of the same +is merely a question of expense. Thus guests have the +pleasure of listening to the strains of splendid bands, and +also the disappointment of hearing others far below the +average.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_172" id="Page_172">[172]</a></span></p> + +<p>As this fickle climate of ours is not to be counted upon +for twenty-four hours at a stretch to remain fine, it is +seldom considered advisable to have the whole of the +refreshment tables out-of-doors, and thus only ices, strawberries +and cream, and ice cups are served out-of-doors; +tea, coffee, and the rest, with ices, strawberries and cream, +being invariably served within doors.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Refreshment tables out-of-doors</big></b> considerably take +off the strain from the tables in the tea-rooms, especially +during the first half-hour, when the great rush is made in this +direction. Again, should heavy rain set in, the servants can +easily remove pails of ice and bowls of strawberries and +cream out of harm's way. Even a large tent or marquee +is not considered altogether desirable for refreshments, as +under a burning sun the air within becomes over-heated and +oppressive, while in the case of a downpour the results are +almost disastrous.</p> + +<p>The popularity of garden-parties is incontestible in +propitious weather. A variety of reasons conduce to this; +for one thing, movement is so pleasant an exchange from +the almost stationary position guests are compelled to take +up in a crowded drawing-room. Again, the number of +guests invited is so much greater than to an "at home," +that the chance of meeting a corresponding number of +friends and acquaintances is trebled; or, on the other +hand, if but a few friends should be present among the +guests, yet the situation does not amount to isolation and +boredom; and the alternative of sitting under a shady +tree or sauntering about on the lawns listening to the +strains of the band, is positive enjoyment in comparison +to sitting in the corner of a drawing-room barricaded by +a phalanx of ladies, or standing wedged in the midst +of the same. It is small wonder, therefore, that invitations +to these out-door functions are hailed with satisfaction and +pleasure.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_173" id="Page_173">[173]</a></span></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Arrivals at a garden-party</big></b> are made almost simultaneously, +or if not quite this, they follow in rapid succession, +so that host and hostess have a short interval between +arrivals and departures; and this offers an opportunity to +give more than a shake of the hand to many of the guests, +<i>i.e.</i> a little friendly conversation; while at an "at home" +the hostess has to be at her post from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m., as +guests arrive continuously, even close up to the hour named +for departure.</p> + +<p>The host is expected to be present at a garden-party, +and almost always is so; but his presence at his wife's "at +home" is left a little doubtful, and his absence is often +accounted for on the ground of its being unavoidable; but +the trivial reasons that many men advance to their wives +for their non-appearance prove how glad they are to escape +from the ordeal on any terms. A man in the open air is +at his best, and therefore a garden-party appeals to a host +almost as much as it does to a guest.</p> + +<p>Although the words "at home" are in general use when +issuing invitations to these functions, yet occasionally the +words "garden-party" are substituted in lieu of them on +the "at home" cards, when the gatherings are unusually +large; thus: "Viscountess B—— requests the pleasure of +Mr. and Mrs. G——'s company at a garden-party on ——," etc.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_174" id="Page_174">[174]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXV</h2> + +<h3>EVENING GARDEN-PARTIES</h3> + +<p class="noin"><b><big>The Garden-Party Season</big></b> has been widened out by +the introduction of "Evening Garden-Parties" into the list +of country festivities, and this form of entertainment has +found great favour with all.</p> + +<p>Invitations are issued on the usual "at home" cards, +the hours from 9 to 12 p.m. Occasionally "dancing" is +printed on the cards, but not often, as it is not usual to +combine an evening garden-party with a dance, except +when only young girls and young men are invited.</p> + +<p>Some little perplexity is felt by the recipients of evening +garden-party invitations as to the style of dress that should +be worn. Should ladies wear morning dress or evening +dress? Men are equally in doubt on this point. Ought +they to wear evening dress or not? Although this is not +stated on the invitation cards, yet it is tacitly understood +that ladies are expected to appear in the usual garden-party +attire—smart, pretty dresses and hats or bonnets, and +small fashionable wraps carried in place of sunshades in the +event of the evening air proving somewhat chilly. Evening +dress, when worn at one of these "at homes," looks +particularly out of place. The thin evening shoes, which +must of necessity be worn with this style of dress, suit +neither dewy grass nor stony gravel; and although at the +evening concerts at the Botanic Gardens many ladies wear +"evening dress" with smart evening cloaks, this is beside +the question. They go for a short half-hour or so, not for a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_175" id="Page_175">[175]</a></span> +three hours' stay. Anyhow, at evening garden-parties, the +rule is not to wear evening dress as far as ladies are concerned. +Men, on the other hand, one and all, are expected +to do so, morning dress being looked upon as out of place +on these occasions. A light overcoat is inseparable from +evening dress, therefore it is not considered risky wear for +men even on the chilliest of summer evenings.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>As to the arrangements</big></b> for one of these evening +garden-parties. It is usual to have tea and coffee, and light +refreshments during the whole of the evening, from arrival +to departure, and to give a light supper a little before +twelve o'clock. The gardens and grounds are illuminated +with coloured lamps and lanterns, extensively or moderately, +as the case may be. A band is considered indispensable, +but a good one does not seem to be equally imperative, to +judge from the indifferent performances of various bands +heard on these summer evenings. However, country +audiences are not too critical, knowing that to engage a +good band from a distance entails considerable expense, +and that evening garden-parties would be singularly few +if superior music was insisted upon. Thus the local band +is encouraged to do its best, and to allow long intervals to +elapse between each selection.</p> + +<p>In the case of an evening turning out decidedly wet, +guests invited from a distance seldom put in an appearance, +while the nearer neighbours do so, and the evening garden-party +becomes an evening reception within doors, shorn of +its numbers, it is true, but a pleasant gathering, nevertheless, +especially with those who know how to make the best of a +<i>contretemps</i> caused by unpropitious weather.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_176" id="Page_176">[176]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXVI</h2> + +<h3>LUNCHEONS</h3> + +<p class="noin"><b><big>Invitations to Luncheon</big></b> are very much the order of +the day in fashionable society. Those who look back some +few years remark the importance now accorded to this mid-day +meal, and contrast it with the past. The lateness of +the dinner-hour in a measure accounts for the position now +taken by luncheon in the day's programme, joined to the +fact that it offers another opportunity for social gatherings; +and as the prevailing idea seems to be to crowd into one +day as much amusement and variety and change as possible, +invitations to luncheon have become one of the features of +social life.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Invitations to Public Luncheons</big></b> are not now confined +to the celebration of local and civic events, but take a +far wider range, and are given on every available opportunity +when the occasion can be made to serve for assembling a +large party of ladies and gentlemen. Luncheon is by some +considered to be rather a lady's meal than not, although in +reality invitations are given as frequently to the one sex as +to the other. Yet the predominance of ladies at luncheon +is due to the fact that the majority of gentlemen are too +much occupied at this hour to be at liberty to accept invitations +to luncheon, while others, more idle, breakfast at so +late an hour that to them a two o'clock luncheon is a +farce as far as eating is concerned. Outside of those +who are busy men and those who are idle men, and<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_177" id="Page_177">[177]</a></span> +consequently late risers, there is another semi-occupied +class of men who are always amenable to an invitation to +luncheon.</p> + +<p>This institution of luncheon is invaluable to people who +have many friends, acquaintances, and relations to entertain, +as invitations to this meal are given for every day in the +week, with or without ceremony, with long notice or short +notice, or on the spur of the moment.</p> + +<p>Ladies enjoy the society of their hostess at luncheon far +more than at a dinner-party. At the former meal she makes +general conversation with her guests on both sides of the +table; at the latter she is monopolised by her immediate +neighbours, by the gentleman who takes her down to dinner, +and by the one who sits at her right hand, while she leaves +her guests to be entertained by the gentlemen who take +them in to dinner. At luncheon things are different; there +is no going in to luncheon, conventionally speaking, save +on official and public occasions.</p> + +<p>Luncheon occupies a prominent place in the round of +hospitalities. Invitations to luncheon are not formally +issued on invitation cards, unless some especial reason +exists for giving a large luncheon-party, in which case it +takes rank as an entertainment.</p> + +<p>Large luncheon-parties are given on occasions such as +lawn-tennis tournaments and lawn-tennis parties, archery-parties, +cricket-matches and bazaars, etc.</p> + +<p>Semi-official luncheons are given on the occasion of +laying the foundation-stone of a church or public building, +etc. This class of luncheon is beside the question, as it +is rather a banquet than a luncheon, for which printed cards +of invitation are issued.</p> + +<p>In general society invitations to luncheon are issued +by written notes or are verbally given according to circumstances.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Invitations to Luncheon.</big></b>—A week's notice is the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_178" id="Page_178">[178]</a></span> +longest usually given, very little notice being considered +requisite.</p> + +<p>Many hostesses give their friends <i>carte blanche</i> invitations +to luncheon; but ladies as a rule seldom avail themselves +of this <i>façon de parler</i>, as they consider it, and prefer to +await a more direct form of invitation. Gentlemen, on the +contrary, are expected to avail themselves of this proffered +hospitality without ceremony, as the presence of a gentleman +visitor at luncheon is considered an acquisition, the +reason, perhaps, being that ladies are usually in the majority +at luncheon, and also that the unexpected arrival of one or +two ladies would call for a greater amount of attention on +the part of a hostess seated at luncheon than would the +unexpected arrival of gentlemen, ladies requiring especial +attention to be shown to them in the matter of a place at +table, etc., while gentlemen are ready to offer attention +instead of requiring it, and to take any place at table, +whether convenient or otherwise.</p> + +<p>As a rule, the number of ladies present at luncheon +greatly exceeds the number of gentlemen present, unless at +a luncheon-party, when a hostess usually endeavours to +equalise the numbers as far as possible; but it is not imperative +for her to do this, and it is immaterial whether there +are as many gentlemen as ladies present at luncheon or not.</p> + +<p>Luncheon is a very useful institution to a mistress of a +house, as it enables her to show a considerable amount of +civility to her friends and acquaintances.</p> + +<p>She can invite to luncheon those it might not, for various +reasons, be convenient to invite to dinner; as for instance, +young ladies, single ladies, elderly ladies, ladies coming to +town, or into the neighbourhood for a few days only, and +so on.</p> + +<p>The usual rule in houses where there are children old +enough to do so, is for the children to dine at luncheon +with their governess, whether there are guests present or +not.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_179" id="Page_179">[179]</a></span></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>In Town the Usual Hour for Luncheon</big></b> is 1.30 to +2 o'clock; in the country it is generally half an hour earlier. +The guests are expected to arrive within ten minutes of the +hour named in the invitation, as although punctuality is not +imperative, it is very desirable.</p> + +<p>A guest, on his or her arrival at a house, should not, if +previously invited, inquire if the mistress of the house is at +home, but should say, on the servant opening the door, +"Mrs. A. expects me to luncheon."</p> + +<p>When the guests are self-invited, they should inquire if +the mistress of the house is at home.</p> + +<p>Guests are conducted to the drawing-room before +luncheon. The servant precedes them, as at morning calls.</p> + +<p>When guests arrive after the hour named for luncheon, +they should be at once ushered into the dining-room, and +their names announced.</p> + +<p>When the guests are unacquainted with each other, the +hostess should make a sort of general introduction or introductions; +that is to say, she should introduce one gentleman +to two or three ladies, thus, "Mr. A., Mrs. B., Mrs. C., +and Miss D.," making but one introduction in place of three +separate introductions, this being the less formal mode of +making unimportant introductions.</p> + +<p>It is not always possible for a host to be present +at luncheon, owing to occupation and engagements, but +courtesy to his wife's guests demands his presence when +practicable. He should either join them in the drawing-room +or in the dining-room, according to his convenience.</p> + +<p>Guests are not sent in to luncheon as they are to dinner.</p> + +<p>Ladies should not remove their hats at luncheon. They +should remove their fur coats and wraps. These should +either be left in the hall on arrival or taken off in the +drawing-room or dining-room. Short gloves should be +removed; elbow gloves may be retained.</p> + +<p>Gentlemen should not take their hats with them into the +drawing-room, but should leave them in the hall.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_180" id="Page_180">[180]</a></span></p> + +<p>Ten minutes is the usual time allowed between the +arrival of the guests and serving luncheon, which is usually +served at the hour named, the received rule being not to +wait for guests.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Going in to Luncheon.</big></b>—When the luncheon gong +sounds the hostess should say to the lady of highest rank +present, "Shall we go in to luncheon?" or some such +phrase. (See "The Art of Conversing.") The visitor should +then move towards the door. If the host is present, he +should walk beside her; if not, the hostess should do so. +The other ladies should follow as far as possible according +to precedency, the gentlemen going last. Thus the hostess +either follows with the ladies or leads the way.</p> + +<p>Guests should not go in to luncheon arm-in-arm as at a +dinner-party, but singly, each lady by herself, or, when space +permits, side by side. Gentlemen likewise, but on arriving +in the dining-room, each gentleman should place himself +by the side of a lady, or between two ladies, at table.</p> + +<p>The hostess should sit at the top of the table and the +host at the bottom, as at dinner, but it is immaterial where +the guests sit, although as a rule the lady of highest rank +sits by the host, and the gentleman of highest rank by the +hostess.</p> + +<p>A late arrival should, on being ushered into the dining-room, +make his or her way to the top of the table to shake +hands with the hostess, making some polite excuse for +being late.</p> + +<p>A hostess should rise from her seat to welcome a lady, +but she should not do so to welcome a gentleman.</p> + +<p>Luncheon is either served <i>à la Russe</i> or not, according to +inclination, both ways being in equally good taste, although, +as a rule, the joint is served from the <i>buffet</i> or side-table, +while the <i>entrées</i>, game, or poultry are placed on the table.</p> + +<p>For further information respecting the arrangements for +luncheon, see the work entitled "Waiting at Table."<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_181" id="Page_181">[181]</a></span></p> + +<p>Formerly it was the custom in some houses for the +servants to leave the dining-room as soon as they had +helped the various guests to the joint or joints, and handed +round the vegetables and the wine, in which case the host +and hostess helped the guests to the <i>entrées</i> and sweets, +or the gentlemen present did so; but now it is invariably +the rule for the servants to remain in the room during the +whole of luncheon, and to hand the dishes and wine, etc., +to the guests as at dinner-parties.</p> + +<p>Luncheon usually lasts about half an hour, during which +time the hostess should endeavour to render conversation +general.</p> + +<p>As at dinner, it is the duty of a hostess to give the signal +for leaving the room, which she does by attracting the +attention of the lady of highest rank present by means of a +smile and a bow, rising at the same time from her seat.</p> + +<p>The host, or the gentleman nearest the door, should +open it for the ladies to pass out.</p> + +<p>The ladies should leave the dining-room as far as +possible in the order in which they have entered it, the +hostess following last.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When the host is not present</big></b>, the gentlemen should +follow the ladies to the drawing-room; but when the host +is present, the gentlemen should remain in the dining-room +with the host a short time before joining the ladies in the +drawing-room.</p> + +<p>It is optional on the part of the host whether he +returns or not with the gentlemen to the drawing-room, +although, if not particularly engaged, it is more courteous +to do so.</p> + +<p>Coffee is sometimes served after luncheon in the +drawing-room. It is handed on a salver immediately after +luncheon. The most usual way now, however, is to have +coffee brought into the dining-room at the conclusion of +luncheon, and handed to the guests on a salver.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_182" id="Page_182">[182]</a></span></p> + +<p>The guests are not expected to remain longer than +twenty minutes after the adjournment to the drawing-room +has been made.</p> + +<p>Ladies should put on their gloves on their return to the +drawing-room after luncheon.</p> + +<p>Ladies having motor-cars should previously desire their +chauffeurs to return for them from three to a quarter-past +three o'clock, and the servant should inform each guest of +the arrival of her motor-car.</p> + +<p>When a lady requires a cab, she should ask the hostess's +permission to have one called for her.</p> + +<p>The subject of leave-taking is fully described in +<a href="#Page_32">Chapter IV</a>.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_183" id="Page_183">[183]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXVII</h2> + +<h3>BREAKFASTS</h3> + +<p class="noin"><b><big>Breakfast Parties</big></b> have in certain circles become a +feature, and invitations to breakfast are issued both by +card and by note.</p> + +<p>In official circles breakfast parties are frequently given, +the morning hours up to one o'clock being the only disengaged +portion of the day, and thus the opportunity is +taken for offering and receiving hospitality, and of enjoying +the society of friends and acquaintances. The breakfast +hour varies from ten to eleven, according to circumstances, +and the meal somewhat resembles a luncheon, fish, <i>entrées</i>, +game, and cold viands being given, with the addition of +tea, coffee, and liqueurs.</p> + +<p>Punctuality on these occasions is almost imperative, as +breakfast cannot be prolonged beyond a given limit, and +therefore it is not considered necessary to wait the coming +of a late guest.</p> + +<p>The guests go in to breakfast as to luncheon. When a +party consists of both ladies and gentlemen, the hostess +should lead the way with the lady of highest rank, followed +by the other ladies, the gentlemen following with the +host.</p> + +<p>When a party consists of gentlemen only, the host should +lead the way with the gentleman of highest rank, and should +indicate to the principal of the gentlemen present the +places he wishes them to occupy at table; the remainder<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_184" id="Page_184">[184]</a></span> +of the company should seat themselves according to +inclination.</p> + +<p>The table should be laid as for luncheon, and decorated +with flowers and fruit. Tea and coffee should be served +from a side table by the servants in attendance.</p> + +<p>All dishes should be handed as at luncheon.</p> + +<p>For the details of "Breakfast-table Arrangements and +Serving Breakfast," see the work entitled "Waiting at +Table."</p> + +<p>The guests usually leave as soon as breakfast is over, +unless the ladies are invited by the hostess to accompany +her to the drawing-room, or the gentlemen are invited by +the host to smoke a cigarette or cigar previous to their +departure.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>House Party Breakfasts.</big></b>—In the country the breakfast +hour varies from 9 to 10.30, and in some country houses +it is an understood thing that the guests are at liberty to +come down to breakfast at any time between nine and half-past +ten. In not a few country houses the hostess and the +ladies breakfast in their own rooms, and the gentlemen +of the party breakfast with the host in the breakfast-room.</p> + +<p>The breakfast gong is a signal for assembling in the +breakfast-room or dining-room, but it is not the custom to +wait for any one beyond five or ten minutes.</p> + +<p>The host and hostess at once take their places at the +breakfast-table.</p> + +<p>When the house-party is a large one, and space permits, +a number of small tables should be arranged in the breakfast-room, +in addition to a long breakfast-table.</p> + +<p>The servants should remain in attendance during breakfast +to wait upon the guests.</p> + +<p>There is no general move made from the breakfast-table +as in the case of luncheon or dinner; the hostess generally +remains until the whole of the guests have at least commenced +breakfast, save in the case of very late comers, for<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_185" id="Page_185">[185]</a></span> +whom she would not be expected to remain at the head of +the breakfast-table.</p> + +<p>The guests leave the breakfast-table as soon as they have +finished breakfast, without waiting for any intimation from +the hostess to do so.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_186" id="Page_186">[186]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXVIII</h2> + +<h3>PICNICS AND WATER-PARTIES</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">Many</span> things contribute to draw people into the country +and away from town in the month of September; therefore +there is a far larger number in each and every neighbourhood +inclined for a picnic or a water-party than in the +three previous months, June, July, and August.</p> + +<p>Picnic parties are sometimes invitation parties, and on +other occasions contribution parties, or parties which +partake in a measure of the character of both.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Picnics by Motor-Car and Picnics by Rail.</big></b>—Almost +every county has its show place, or its ruins, its +ruined abbey or its castle, its romantic scenery, and its fine +views, its hills or its dales, its waterfalls or its glens. The +southern and western counties are as rich in these respects +as the eastern counties are barren.</p> + +<p>When a picnic party is to proceed to its destination by +rail, a saloon carriage is engaged beforehand, and arrangement +is made at the nearest hotel to supply the party with +luncheon at from 5<i>s.</i> to 10<i>s.</i> per head, according to the +style of luncheon required; or hampers of provisions are +taken under the charge of one or two men-servants.</p> + +<p>If the picnic party proceeds by road, a coach is the +favourite mode of conveyance, whether driven by the owner +or hired for the occasion. This is a more sociable way of +going to a picnic than dividing the party into detachments +and conveying them in separate carriages. This is sometimes<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_187" id="Page_187">[187]</a></span> +unavoidable, and if the party is assembled for a start, it +occasions no little discussion as to how the party should +be divided and conveyed in the various carriages, and it +takes no little tact to arrange this in a satisfactory manner—to +overrule objections, and to make things work smoothly. +Again, the members of a picnic party occasionally find their +way to the place of rendezvous independently of each other; +but, although this plan saves trouble, it does not promote +sociability, and parties of four or six are apt to clique +together during the day, instead of making themselves generally +agreeable. The provision question is a very important +one, and the heads of a picnic party should arrange in +concert what each is to bring in the way of fish, flesh, fowl, +fruit, and wine.</p> + +<p>The services of one or two men-servants at a large +picnic party are generally required to arrange the table, to +open the wine, and last, but not least, to collect and repack +the articles used in the way of plate, china, or glass.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A picnic luncheon in September</big></b> is not always the +<i>al fresco</i> spread under the greenwood tree that it is in July, +and oftener than not is held in the best parlour of a rustic +inn, or, by permission, in a barn or shed, when the weather +is not favourable for camping out.</p> + +<p>Usually, when a large picnic party is arranged and got +up by some three or four ladies and gentlemen, they divide +the expenses of the entertainment between themselves, and +determine how many shall be invited, each having the +privilege of inviting a certain number. Other picnics are +got up on a different system, each person contributing a +share towards the general expenses; but these gatherings +are not so sociable as are the invitation picnics.</p> + +<p>Invitation picnics where everything is done <i>en prince</i> +are extremely enjoyable and friendly affairs; they are +big luncheons, given out-of-doors instead of indoors, at a +distance instead of at home. But even these are not more<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_188" id="Page_188">[188]</a></span> +pleasant than those well-arranged little picnics given by +officers in country quarters, when the regimental coach +conveys a favoured few to some favourite spot.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Water-Parties.</big></b>—There are many ways of arranging +a water-party at yachting stations and at all riverside places. +At yachting stations, for instance, a sailing yacht is hired +to convey a party of from eighteen to twenty-five to some +point of interest on the coast, in which case luncheon and +tea are provided at an hotel in the vicinity of the place +where the party have landed, and the expenses are equally +divided. Not unfrequently, on the return journey, the +yacht is becalmed, and does not reach its destination +until between two and three the following morning. If +it happens to be a fine moonlight night, this prolongation +of a water-party is an additional source of enjoyment; +but if there is no moon as well as no wind, and the +calm betokens a storm, it is the reverse of pleasant. But +these little <i>contretemps</i>, when they do occur, rather lend +a zest to the day's pleasure, and are something to talk +about afterwards.</p> + +<p>Water-parties are often given by owners of yachts. +These are invitation parties, and luncheon, tea, and sometimes +dinner, are served on board, and the party land and +stroll about, but return to the yacht to be entertained.</p> + +<p>Picnic and water-parties in general include as many +gentlemen as ladies, whether they are invitation or contribution +parties, although sometimes a majority of ladies is +unavoidable. Ryde is a favourite station for water-parties, +as the island itself, as well as the opposite coast, offer innumerable +points of interest for picnicing, and many are +able to combine the pleasures of the yacht with those of +the launch in one and the same water-party; thus a party +sails from Ryde to Yarmouth, Isle of Wight, and then proceeds +in a steam, or other, launch to Alum Bay. Launch +parties are immensely popular, both on the river and on the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_189" id="Page_189">[189]</a></span> +coast. Some picnic on board, and others on shore, as they +feel disposed.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Canoe-parties</big></b> on coast and river are also popular +with both ladies and gentlemen, and here again the useful +launch is brought into requisition to convey the party home, +as an hour and a half to two hours is an average time to +paddle a canoe; after that time the party land either on +the rocks or on the shore, and light a fire and boil the +kettle for tea. If the tea-drinking and the after-tea ramble +are unduly prolonged there is a chance, if on the coast, +of the steam-launch running out of coal, and of the party +having to return home in their own canoes considerably +later than was expected, and not a little fatigued.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_190" id="Page_190">[190]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXIX</h2> + +<h3>JUVENILE PARTIES</h3> + +<p class="noin"><b><big>Juvenile Parties</big></b> form a prominent feature in the +entertainments given during the winter months. There +is scarcely a household the children of which are not +indulged with one large party at least, while others are +allowed as many as two or three children's parties during +the winter months. These parties offer no little elasticity +as to their arrangement, varying from a child's tea party, +composed, perhaps, of five or six children, to a juvenile +ball, or fancy dress ball. Some mothers object, on principle, +to the latter entertainments, on the ground that to +give a large juvenile ball provokes a corresponding number +of invitations, and that a round of such gaieties is not good +for young children, either from a moral or from a hygienic +point of view. Morally, that such amusements are likely +to destroy or impair the freshness of childhood, and to +engender artificial ideas in their young minds in place of +such as are natural and healthy, and that the imitation of the +manners and bearing of their elders causes them to become +miniature men and women, and divests them of the attributes +of artless and unaffected childhood.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The dresses worn by children</big></b> at these entertainments +are of so elaborate a character—and so much pride is +exhibited when wearing them—that a spirit of vanity and a +love of dress are aroused at a prematurely early age. From +a physical point of view, late hours, heated rooms, rich<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_191" id="Page_191">[191]</a></span> +dainties, and constant excitement have a pernicious effect +upon children.</p> + +<p>There is, of course, an opposite view taken by those who +uphold juvenile balls; they consider that children are the +better for associating with others of their own age outside +of their own family circle, and that in the case of only +children such association is calculated to render them lively +and intelligent. Another argument in favour of these +juvenile parties is, that children who are in the habit of +constantly attending them acquire self-possessed and confident +manners, and that all shyness, <i>mauvaise honte</i> and +<i>gaucherie</i>, which distinguish many children when in the +company of strangers, are dispelled by frequent intercourse +with children of all ages. Thus, in place of the noisy game +of romps, the little gentlemen ask the little ladies to dance, +pull costume bon-bons with their favourite partners, and offer +them similar attentions throughout the evening. Of course, +there are shy little gentlemen and shy little ladies even at +a juvenile ball; but it is the constant endeavour of those +who accompany them, whether mammas, elder sisters, young +aunts, or grown-up cousins, to persuade them to get the +better of this diffidence, and to induce taciturn Master +Tommy to dance with timid Miss Tiny. Sometimes Master +Tommy is obstinate, as well as taciturn, and his "won't" is +as strong as his will. As with all things, so with children's +parties, the medium course is, perhaps, the wisest to take, +running into neither extreme—avoiding too much seclusion +or overmuch gaiety, and rendering such gaiety and amusement +suitable to the ages of the children invited. When an +evening's entertainment consists of a series of amusements, +it is a mistake to crowd too great a variety into the space of +four hours, the usual limits of a child's party, for if so the +programme has to be hurriedly gone through, and is hardly +finished before the hour of departure. No little judgment +is required when organising juvenile parties. The hours<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_192" id="Page_192">[192]</a></span> +usually selected for children's parties, whether on a large or +small scale, are from four to eight, five to nine, six to ten, or +from seven to eleven.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The children on their arrival</big></b> are received in the +drawing-room. In most cases their relatives, either mothers +or grown-up sisters, are asked to accompany them.</p> + +<p>There is great punctuality observed as regards the hour +of arrival, and tea is usually served in the dining-room +about half an hour after that named on the invitation card. +The interim is generally passed by children in watching +each fresh arrival, and in greeting their little acquaintances, +comparing notes with each other as to the teas and the +parties they are going to, or in amusing themselves with +the toys belonging to the children of the house, which are +usually arranged on tables for this purpose; and mechanical +toys, walking and talking birds, etc., musical toys, picture-books, +and dolls, and the latest and newest inventions in +the way of playthings afford the little visitors an opportunity +for becoming at ease with each other.</p> + +<p>Tea is generally dispensed at one end of a long table, +and coffee at the opposite end. The governess usually pours +out the tea, and one of the daughters of the house the coffee; +or failing her, the head nurse or lady's maid does so. Dishes +of pound, plum, and sponge cake are placed the length of +the table, interspersed with plates of thin bread-and-butter, +biscuits, and preserves; either the ladies of the family or +the servants in attendance hand them to the children.</p> + +<p>When the relatives accompany the children tea is usually +served to them in another room, but frequently they do not +arrive until tea is over, and the nurses accompany the +children to the house.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Amusements.</big></b>—The arrangements for the evening's +amusement are regulated in a measure by the amount of +accommodation a house affords, premising that boisterous<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_193" id="Page_193">[193]</a></span> +games are not allowed in drawing-rooms, unless all valuable +ornaments or things likely to be broken are removed +from the rooms.</p> + +<p>If conjuring is one of the amusements provided, it +generally takes place in the drawing-room immediately +after tea, and lasts about an hour. A dancing-cloth is put +down over the drawing-room carpet; rout seats or cane +chairs are arranged in rows. The youngest children are +seated in the first row. Performing birds, performing dogs, +or performing monkeys are also favourite amusements at +these parties, and rank next to conjuring in the estimation +of children. Punch and Judy or marionettes are popular +drawing-room amusements, and either occupies the space of +an hour.</p> + +<p>When a cinematograph show is the entertainment +provided, it takes place in the dining-room or library, or +perhaps in the housekeeper's room, if large enough for +the purpose.</p> + +<p>Dancing or games usually precede these amusements, +and lasts from half to three-quarters of an hour; little girls +dance with each other round and square dances, as little +girls are, as a rule, more partial to dancing than are little +boys, although they one and all, great and small, join with +glee in a country dance, or in the Tempête, or in "Sir +Roger de Coverley."</p> + +<p>Not longer than an hour is devoted to dancing, and this +is usually followed by games.</p> + +<p>Impromptu charades is a favourite pastime with children; +but to avoid the juvenile audience becoming weary and +impatient during the preparation of the charades it is as +well they should be amused with some quiet game, such as +"forfeits," "cross questions and crooked answers," "proverbs," +etc. At Christmas and New Year's parties the +distribution of presents is a very important feature; +Christmas trees are now rather discarded in favour of +greater novelties. "Father Christmas," "Santa Claus,"<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_194" id="Page_194">[194]</a></span> +"The Fairy Godmother," "The Fairies' Well," or the +"Lucky Bag" and "The Magic Log," are some of the +many devices for the distribution of presents; these popular +characters are represented by grown-up persons, and provoke +much wonder and admiration amongst children. The +presents are usually given at the close of the evening.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Light Refreshments</big></b> are provided in the dining-room—lemonade, +wine and water, every description of cake, +sandwiches, crystallised fruits, French plums, figs, almonds +and raisins, oranges, etc. Bon-bons containing paper caps, +etc., which afford children much amusement, are usually +provided.</p> + +<p>When a juvenile ball is given a supper is provided; +otherwise light refreshments are considered sufficient, and +are served twice during the evening. Sometimes the +children of the family, if old enough and clever enough, +act a little play—some nursery fairy tale, condensed into +one act, such as "Beauty and the Beast," "Cinderella," +etc.—which lasts about an hour, and is followed by dancing.</p> + +<p>When a juvenile fancy ball is given, one or two fancy +quadrilles are arranged beforehand, to be danced by the +children in costume.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_195" id="Page_195">[195]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXX</h2> + +<h3>WRITTEN INVITATIONS</h3> + +<p class="noin"><b><big>Writing Letters of Invitation</big></b>, and answering letters +of invitation, often occupy far longer time in the composition +than the writers would care to confess. The difficulty does +not lie in an invitation itself or in accepting or refusing it, +but rather in the form in which either should be couched, +the words that should be chosen, and the expressions that +should be used; one person is afraid of being too <i>empressé</i>, +another of being too formal or too stiff; one is fearful of +saying too little, another of saying too much.</p> + +<p>When invitations are issued on dinner cards or on "at +home" cards, the note of acceptance should be as brief as +is the printed card of invitation, and to the printed card +requesting the pleasure of Mrs. Blank's company at dinner, +the stereotyped answer is invariably Mrs. Blank has much +pleasure in accepting Mrs. Dash's kind invitation for +Saturday the 21st, or Mrs. Blank regrets that a previous +engagement will prevent her having the pleasure of accepting +Mrs. Dash's kind invitation for Saturday, the 21st.</p> + +<p>As regards those invitations that refer to visits of some +days' duration, those accustomed to give this description of +entertainment, know exactly what to say and how to say +it. The conventional civilities or affectionate cordialities, +as the case may be, occur in their proper places; but one +point is made clear in either case, namely, the length of +the visit to be paid. There are people who are under the +impression that to specify the exact length of a visit is in +a degree inhospitable, and not sufficiently polite; and they,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_196" id="Page_196">[196]</a></span> +therefore, as a sort of compromise, use the ambiguous term +"a few days" in lieu of distinctly defining the limit of these +invitations. So far from vague invitations such as these +being an advantage to invited guests, they not seldom place +them at a disadvantage at more points than one. They +are uncertain on what day they are to take their departure. +They do not wish by leaving a day earlier to disarrange +any little plans that their hostess may have contemplated +for their amusement; neither do they wish to prolong their +visit a day later, lest by so doing they should break in upon +any engagements that she may have formed on her own +account independently of her visitors. It is also not a +little awkward for guests to tell their hostess that they +think of leaving on Thursday by 12.20 train. It might +have suited the hostess very much better that her visitors +should have left on the Wednesday, and in her own mind +she had perhaps intended that the visit should end on that +day; but, having left the invitation open, more or less, by +saying "a few days," there is nothing left for her but to +sacrifice her own arrangements to the convenience of her +guests, as without discourtesy she could hardly suggest to +them that they should leave a day earlier than the one they +had named, and the visitors remain unconscious of having +in any way trespassed upon the good nature of their +hostess.</p> + +<p>"A few days" is also an unsatisfactory wording of an +invitation to visitors themselves; as a rule, it means three +or four days, but there is also an uncertainty as to whether +the fourth day should be taken or not. Those who interpret +"a few days" to mean three days, make their plans for +departure accordingly; failing this, they are compelled to +leave their plans open, and stay from three to five days, +according as chance and circumstances may dictate. A +lady would perhaps require a little addition to her wardrobe +in the matter of a five days' visit over that of a three days' +stay; but this is a trifling detail, although it helps to swell<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_197" id="Page_197">[197]</a></span> +the list of minor inconveniences which are the result of +vague invitations. There are, of course, exceptions to every +rule, and there are people who use this phrase of "Will you +come and see us for a few days?" in the <i>bonâ fide</i> sense +of the word, and to whom it is immaterial whether their +guests remain three days or six days; but such an elastic +invitation as this is usually given to a relative, or to a very +intimate friend, whose footing in the house is that of a +relation, and with whom the hostess does not stand on +ceremony, as far as her own engagements are concerned; +and people on these friendly terms can talk over their +departure with their hostess, and consult her about it without +the faintest embarrassment.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The most satisfactory invitation</big></b> is certainly the +one that mentions the day of arrival and the day of departure. +Thus, after the <i>raison d'être</i> of the invitation has been stated, +the why and the wherefore of its being given follows the gist +of the letter: "We hope you will come to us on Wednesday +the 23rd, and remain until the 27th." It is, of course, +open to a hostess to ask her visitors to prolong their stay +beyond the date named if she sees reason for so doing; but +this is the exception rather than the rule in the case of short +visits, and guests take their departure as a matter of course +on the day named in the invitation. Hostess and guests +are perfectly at ease upon the subject, and guests do not +feel on delicate ground with their hostess, or fear to outstay +their welcome. When a visit has been paid it is polite, if +not imperative, to write to the hostess and express the +pleasure that has been derived from it. Oftener than not +some little matter arises which necessitates a note being +written apart from this; but whether or not, good feeling +and good taste would dictate that some such note should +be written, and, as it can always include little matters of +general interest in connection with the past visit, it need +neither be over ceremonious nor coldly polite.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_198" id="Page_198">[198]</a></span></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>To write a letter asking for an invitation</big></b>, or to +answer a letter asking for an invitation, is in either case +a difficult letter to write, as many have ere this discovered. +When a married lady asks for an invitation for a young relative +or friend staying with her, to some dance or "at home" +to which she herself is invited, the note is simple enough, +and the answer is generally a card of invitation or a written +permission to bring her. Again, in the case of asking for +invitations for gentlemen, if a lady is going to a ball, she +can without hesitation, ask for cards of invitation for one or +two gentlemen friends of her own, mentioning their names +in the note. In this case also the answer is generally in the +affirmative, as men are always acquisitions at a ball. The +awkwardness of the situation arises when a good-natured +person is solicited to obtain an invitation to a smart ball for +a lady and her daughters, or for the young ladies only, the +latter knowing some one who would chaperon them if they +could only get an invitation. If the lady who asks for the +invitation is a fashionable ball-giver, the probability is that +her request will be granted; but if the contrary, the reverse +will most likely be the case. Even when writing to an +intimate friend, there is always a delicacy in asking for an +invitation for a third person, and society appears to become, +year after year, still more exclusive on this point. Many +people are reluctant, or decline altogether, to put themselves +under an obligation of this nature, even for those +with whom they are most intimate; it may be that the +number of refusals good-natured people have received from +their friends when trying to render services of this description, +have made them chary of putting themselves forward +again in a similar manner: it is chilling to be told that +the list is over full, or that so many people have been +refused already, or that there is not a card to spare. But a +few years ago a ball was not considered a success unless +it was an over-crowded one; the popularity of the ball-giver +was shown by the guests scarcely being able to find<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_199" id="Page_199">[199]</a></span> +standing-room. Thus, invitations were given right and left +to the friends of those who asked for them.</p> + +<p>But the fashion of to-day is to style a crowded ball-room +a "bear-garden," and to confine the invitations, with but +very few exceptions, to those who are strictly on the visiting +list of the ball-giver; and pretty girls may sigh in vain for +an invitation to a ball given even by a relative or acquaintance +of their own, if not on their visiting list. Still, +invitations are constantly asked for by people for their +friends, and sometimes they are given and sometimes they +are refused, as the case may be, but much depends upon +the position of the one who solicits the favour.</p> + +<p>If the giver of an entertainment wishes to oblige the +petitioner, she will stretch a point to do so; if not, she will +write a polite note of excuse, giving one of the reasons +before mentioned. It is thoroughly understood people do +not ask for invitations for themselves, whatever they may +do for their friends, and that they would not do so unless +they were themselves invited. Living at a distance modifies, +however, this latter rule; and friends in the country often +ask for invitations for friends in town, and <i>vice versâ</i>.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Dinner invitations</big></b> are, as a matter of course, never +asked for; but invitations to garden-parties, afternoon "at +homes," and afternoon teas, are frequently asked for and +readily given. Some are intimate enough at the house +where they visit to take a relative or friend with them to +these afternoon gatherings without observing the punctiliousness +of asking for an invitation; others, on less intimate +terms, do not venture upon doing so.</p> + +<p>In all cases when an invitation is asked for, a hostess +should never neglect to send a reply, and should not take +for granted that her friends will naturally understand that +silence gives consent, for under the circumstances it is very +possible to interpret it to signify a refusal.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_200" id="Page_200">[200]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXXI</h2> + +<h3>REFUSING INVITATIONS</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">Many</span> reasons exist for declining invitations other than the +plea of a prior engagement.</p> + +<p>"Mrs. M. regrets ('much regrets,' or 'very much regrets') +that a previous engagement prevents her having the pleasure +of accepting Mrs. N.'s 'invitation,' or 'kind invitation.'" +When on more intimate terms, Mrs. M. should write in the +first person when declining an invitation. It is an open +question whether the nature of the engagement should be +stated or not. Even intimate friends often confine themselves +to the statement of the bare fact only that a prior +engagement exists; others, on the contrary, state the nature +of the engagement, and there is no doubt that this latter +course considerably softens a refusal and lessens the disappointment +experienced, and therefore, when practicable, +should always be followed.</p> + +<p>When a prior engagement cannot be made the basis of a +refusal, then the refusal must rest on other lines; ill health, +a severe cold, etc., are valid excuses. Failing these, the +refusal should be as follows:—"Mrs. Z. regrets she is unable +to accept Mrs. X.'s kind invitation, etc."</p> + +<p>It occasionally happens that it is desirable to break an +engagement, circumstances having changed the aspect of +things. The invitation, perhaps, was a verbal one, and a +refusal was not easy at the moment.</p> + +<p>Again, impromptu invitations are sometimes refused, +having been too hastily accepted—the servant who brought<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_201" id="Page_201">[201]</a></span> +the note waited for an answer, and on the impulse of the +moment an affirmative answer was given; the wife had not +time to consult her husband, and accepted for him as well +as for herself; or perhaps some potent domestic reason that +could not be explained induced a subsequent refusal.</p> + +<p>The fashionable world accepts refusals as a matter of +course, and fills up the gaps with other invitations.</p> + +<p>Refusals of dinner invitations from those for whom a +dinner-party was partly originated are always disappointing, +even to the most popular of dinner givers, in the same +way that the absence of the principal neighbour from +a county entertainment is felt to cast a shadow over the +proceedings of the day.</p> + +<p>Although printed cards of acceptance and of refusal are +in general use, yet many cases arise which render written +refusals imperative.</p> + +<p>As regards the refusal of invitations asked for, such +requests should not be made unless on very safe ground, +and with a certainty of meeting with acquiescence, yet +occasionally these requests are either unwelcome or inadmissible, +and refusals are consequently given; but, unless +worded with tact and good nature, they are often the +cause of strained relations between both friends and +acquaintances.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_202" id="Page_202">[202]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXXII</h2> + +<h3>WALKING, DRIVING, AND RIDING</h3> + +<p class="noin"><b><big>The Usual Hours for Walking</big></b> in the Park are +from 9 until 10.30 a.m. The hours for afternoon walking +and sitting in the Park are from 4 to 7 p.m. during the +summer months.</p> + +<p>The fashionable hours for walking in the Park on +Sunday are from 1 to 2 p.m., both in winter and summer; +and from 5 to 7 p.m. in the summer months.</p> + +<p>Married ladies can, if they please, walk out unaccompanied +or unattended in places of public resort in town +or on the parades of fashionable watering-places; but +married ladies, especially if they are young, usually prefer +the society of another lady, not so much, perhaps, for +propriety as for companionship, as to walk alone, either +in town or at fashionable watering-places, renders a lady +more or less conspicuous, especially if she is attractive and +well dressed.</p> + +<p>A young lady can now also walk by herself in the Park +for the purpose of joining her friends and acquaintances, +both in the morning and in the afternoon, but she should +not sit alone.</p> + +<p>Again, young ladies may walk alone in the fashionable +streets, but they should not loiter when alone at shop-windows +as they pass, but walk at a quick pace from shop +to shop, or from street to street.</p> + +<p>In the quiet neighbourhoods of towns, suburban towns, +and watering-places, young ladies walk unaccompanied<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_203" id="Page_203">[203]</a></span> +and unattended to visit their friends residing in the near +vicinity of their homes, or to attend classes, or for the +purpose of shopping, etc. Indeed, great independence is +generally accorded in this respect, the line being drawn +at evening hours—that is to say, at walking alone after +dusk.</p> + +<p>At watering-places, and at all public promenades, it is +usual for gentlemen to join ladies with whom they are +acquainted, and to walk with them for a short time +when it is apparent that their company is desired, but not +otherwise.</p> + +<p>Ladies and gentlemen, whether related or not, should +never walk arm-in-arm, unless the lady is an elderly one, or +an invalid, and requires this support.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Driving.</big></b>—From 3 to 6.30 are the received hours for +the afternoon drive during the summer, and from 2.30 to +4.30 during the winter.</p> + +<p>The following rules as regards entering and leaving +a carriage apply to a motor-car or an electric brougham +as far as the construction, make, and size of the same +render it possible.</p> + +<p>When driving in an open or close carriage or motor-car +it is quite immaterial whether the owner occupies the right-hand +or the left-hand seat. The seat she occupies depends +upon which side she enters, as the lady driving with her +should enter before her and should seat herself on the +furthest seat.</p> + +<p>A visitor should always enter the motor-car or carriage +before the hostess.</p> + +<p>When three ladies enter a motor-car or carriage the +young unmarried lady should take the back seat and the +two married ladies should occupy the front seat; this is +a matter of courtesy on the part of a young lady due to +married ladies and not strictly demanded by etiquette.</p> + +<p>A husband should sit with his back to the horses, or by<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_204" id="Page_204">[204]</a></span> +the side of the chauffeur in the case of a motor-car, when +a lady is driving with his wife.</p> + +<p>A gentleman should be the first to get out of a motor-car +or carriage, with a view to assisting the ladies to do so.</p> + +<p>As a rule the hostess should leave the carriage or car +after her guest and not before her, unless it is more +convenient to do otherwise.</p> + +<p>When a lady is merely calling for an acquaintance to +take her for a drive, she should not descend from her car +or carriage for the purpose of allowing her to enter it +before her.</p> + +<p>In the afternoon young ladies may drive alone in the +public thoroughfares, unaccompanied by married ladies. It +is permissible for a young lady to drive alone in the Park +or in the streets. A married lady can, as a matter of +course, drive unaccompanied.</p> + +<p>It would be unconventional were a lady to drive alone +with a gentleman in his motor-car, unless he were nearly +related to her, or unless she were engaged to be married to +him.</p> + +<p>It is usual for the owner of a carriage to sit with her face +to the horses; when a married lady is driving with her she +should sit beside her. When young ladies are driving with +her in addition to the married lady they should sit with +their backs to the horses.</p> + +<p>When a lady is driving with her husband, and a young +lady accompanies her, she should not offer the front seat +to the young lady, but should retain it herself, and even +should the offer be made, a young lady should not avail +herself of it.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Riding.</big></b>—As regards riding in town, the hours for +practice in the Row are from 8 to 10 a.m. in summer +and 9 to 11 a.m. in winter, for inexperienced riders and +beginners; young ladies ride with a riding-master or with a +riding-mistress, or with a relative, as the case may be.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_205" id="Page_205">[205]</a></span></p> + +<p>The hours for riding in the Park range from 9.30 to +10.30 a.m.</p> + +<p>It is thoroughly understood that a lady may ride in +the Park alone—that is, unaccompanied or unattended—for +the purpose of joining her friends. It is argued, in +these days of woman's emancipation, that no possible harm +or annoyance can arise from the fact of a lady riding unattended, +beyond the always possible chance of an accident.</p> + +<p>Although great latitude is now allowed to young ladies +with regard to riding alone, many parents still prefer that +their daughters should be attended by their grooms.</p> + +<p>Two ladies frequently ride together, unaccompanied by +a gentleman and unattended by a groom.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_206" id="Page_206">[206]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXXIII</h2> + +<h3>BOWING</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">As</span> regards the recognition of friends or acquaintances, it is +the privilege of a lady to take the initiative, by being the +first to bow. A gentleman should not raise his hat to a +lady until she has accorded him this mark of recognition, +although the act of bowing is a simultaneous action on the +part of both lady and gentleman, as a lady would hardly +bestow a bow upon a gentleman not prepared to return it.</p> + +<p>The bow between intimate acquaintances takes the +character, when given by a lady, of a familiar nod in place +of a stiff bow.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When a gentleman returns the bow</big></b> of a lady he +should do so by distinctly taking his hat off and as quickly +replacing it, not merely raising it slightly, as formerly, and +if he is an intimate acquaintance or friend, he should act +in a similar manner.</p> + +<p>In France and on the Continent generally, the rule of +bowing is reversed, and the gentleman is the first to bow to +the lady, instead of the lady to the gentleman.</p> + +<p>Between ladies but slightly acquainted, the one of highest +rank should be the first to bow to the other; between +ladies of equal rank it is immaterial which of the two bows +first.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A lady should not bow</big></b> to persons only known to +her by sight, although she may frequently have seen them +in the company of her friends.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_207" id="Page_207">[207]</a></span></p> + +<p>A lady should bow to a gentleman, either a friend or +acquaintance, even when he is walking with either a lady +or gentleman, with whom she is unacquainted.</p> + +<p>Gentlemen do not raise their hats in recognition of each +other, but simply nod, when not walking with ladies, save +when a vast difference exists in rank or age.</p> + +<p>When a gentleman meets another—a friend of his—walking +with a lady or ladies, with whom he himself is +unacquainted, he should raise his hat and look straight +before him, not at the lady or ladies.</p> + +<p>A lady should not bow to another who, being a stranger +to her, has addressed a few remarks to her at an afternoon +party, as the fact of meeting at the house of a mutual friend +does not constitute an acquaintanceship, and does not authorise +a future bowing acquaintance.</p> + +<p>Ladies, as a rule, are not too ready to bow to those whom +they have merely conversed with in a casual way. In the +first place, they are not quite certain of being remembered, +and nothing is more disconcerting and disagreeable than to +bow to a person who does not return it through forgetfulness +of the one who has given it, or through shortsightedness, +or through actual intention. Short-sighted people are +always offending in the matter of not bowing, and almost +every third person, comparatively speaking, complains of +being more or less short-sighted; thus it behoves ladies to +discover for themselves the strength and length of sight +possessed by their new acquaintances, or the chances are +that their bow may never be returned, or they may continue +to labour under the impression that they have received a +cut direct; thus many pleasant acquaintances are lost +through this misapprehension, and many erroneous impressions +created.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A bowing acquaintance</big></b> is a difficult and tiresome +one to maintain for any length of time, when opportunities +do not arise for increasing it. The irksomeness of keeping it<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_208" id="Page_208">[208]</a></span> +up is principally experienced by persons meeting day after +day in the Park or on public promenades, riding, driving, or +walking, more especially when it is tacitly understood that +the acquaintance should not develop into a further +acquaintance.</p> + +<p>It would be considered discourteous to discontinue a +bowing acquaintance which has once been commenced.</p> + +<p>To know a gentleman by sight through having frequently +seen him at balls and parties, does not give a lady the right +to bow to him, even though she may have stood beside him +for some twenty minutes or so on a crowded staircase, and +may have received some slight civility from him.</p> + +<p>A lady who has received a little service from a stranger +would gladly acknowledge it at any subsequent meeting by +a pleasant bow, but as bowing to a gentleman argues an +acquaintance with him, and as in such cases as these an +acquaintance does not exist, etiquette provides no compromise +in the matter. Therefore, if a young lady takes her +own line, and rather than appear ungracious bows to a +gentleman who has not been introduced to her either directly +or indirectly, it is a breach of etiquette on her part; and as +to do an unconventional thing is not desirable, the innumerable +little services which ladies receive in general society +are not further acknowledged beyond the thanks expressed +at the moment of their being received.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Bows vary materially</big></b>: there is the friendly bow, the +distant bow, the ceremonious bow, the deferential bow, the +familiar bow, the reluctant bow, and so on, according to +the feelings that actuate individuals in their intercourse with +each other.</p> + +<p>When a bowing acquaintance only exists between ladies +and gentlemen, and they meet perhaps two or three times +during the day, and are not sufficiently intimate to speak, +they do not usually bow more than once, when thus meeting +in park or promenade.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_209" id="Page_209">[209]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXXIV</h2> + +<h3>THE COCKADE</h3> + +<p class="noin"><b><big>Cockades are worn</big></b> by servants in livery of officers +in the army and navy, and all those who hold His +Majesty's commission; also of lords-lieutenants and deputy-lieutenants.</p> + +<p>Retainers of the Crown are entitled to the use of the +cockade as a badge of the reigning dynasty.</p> + +<p>The fact that cockades are now so frequently worn by +men-servants may be accounted for thus:</p> + +<p>Deputy-lieutenants are far more numerous now than +was formerly the case; almost every country gentleman is a +deputy-lieutenant, and consequently his servants are entitled +to the use of the cockade. The privilege of appearing in +uniform at levées instead of in Court dress has been and +is an incentive to many to seek for and obtain the appointment +of deputy-lieutenant. Again, all justices of the peace +claim the use of the cockade as being "Civil retainers of +the Crown"; and although there is no clearly defined rule +on this head, according to the late Sir Albert Woods, +Garter-King-at-Arms, it has long been tacitly conceded to +them.</p> + +<p>The custom of livery servants wearing cockades dates +from the commencement of the eighteenth century, and was +at first purely a military distinction.</p> + +<p>The cockade worn by the servants of the members of +the Royal Family, and by all who claim to be of Royal +descent, is slightly different in shape from that known as<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_210" id="Page_210">[210]</a></span> +the badge of the reigning dynasty, <i>i.e.</i> the Hanoverian +badge, and is round in shape and without a fan. The +military cockade is of an oval shape, terminating in a fan. +The civil cockade is of an oval shape also, but without the +fan. The naval cockade is identical with the civil cockade.</p> + +<p>The white cockade is the badge of the House of Stuart. +The black cockade that of the House of Hanover. The +servants of foreign ambassadors wear cockades in colour +according to their nationalities. Black and white for +Germany; black and yellow for Austria; the tricolour +for France; scarlet for Spain; blue and white for Portugal; +and black and yellow for Belgium.</p> + +<p>The word cockade, according to a well-known authority, +was borrowed from the French <i>cocarde</i>, having originally +been applied to the plumes of cock's feathers worn by +Croatian soldiers serving in the French army. Some such +plume, or in its place a bunch of ribbons, came to be used +in pinning up the flaps of the hat into a cocked position, +and thus gradually the word passed for the name of the +"cocked" hat itself.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_211" id="Page_211">[211]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXXV</h2> + +<h3>COUNTRY-HOUSE VISITS</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">September</span> is actually the commencement of the country +visiting season, the few visits that are paid in August are +but a prelude to the programme that is to follow during the +succeeding five months.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The visitors received in August</big></b> are principally +relatives. The exceptions to the August family parties are +the August cricket parties in the counties where cricket is +made a great feature during that month, where the cricket +weeks and consequent large country-house parties are of +annual recurrence, and where balls and private theatricals +form part of the week's amusement. It often follows that +people visit at the same houses year after year, they arrange +their tour of visits with regard to those invitations which +they annually receive; new acquaintances and new houses +whereat to visit are added to the list from time to time and +take the place of those which, as a matter of course, drop +out of it. Sometimes the invitations fit into each other +admirably, like the pieces of a puzzle; at others there is an +awkward interval of a day, or two or three days, to be filled +up between leaving one house and arriving at another. If +the hostess is, in either case, a relation or an intimate +friend, this difficulty is easily surmounted by staying on at +one house until the day fixed for arrival at another, or <i>vice +versâ</i>; but if a guest is on ceremony with her hostess, or if, +as is often the case, new arrivals are expected for the following<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_212" id="Page_212">[212]</a></span> +week, the alternative is to spend a few days in town, as +although the house where the next visit to be paid might +be within twenty or thirty miles of the house the visitor is +about to leave, it would be unusual to spend the interval at +an hotel in the adjacent town, as to do so might reflect +upon the hospitality of the hostess. On the other hand, +invitations are sometimes given independently of dates, but +this friendly style of invitation is not given when a large +party is invited, and it is understood to mean that the +hostess may be quite alone, or may have guests staying +with her, as the case may be. This form of invitation is +frequently given to people visiting in Scotland, on account +of the great distance from town.</p> + +<p>It is a very general custom to give shooting parties the +third week in September, harvest permitting. If the harvest +is late on account of unfavourable weather the shooting +parties are postponed until the first week in the ensuing +month. The guests, or at least the crack guns, are usually +invited for partridge driving, which is what partridge shooting +now actually amounts to.</p> + +<p>There are large shooting parties and small shooting +parties, shooting parties to which royalty is invited and +shooting parties restricted to intimate friends or relations, +but in either case the period is the same, three days' +shooting.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>If a party is limited to five guns</big></b>, seven ladies is the +average number invited, the hostess relying upon a neighbour +or a neighbour's son to equalise the balance at the +dinner-table. The success of house-parties mainly depends +upon people knowing each other, or fraternising when they +are introduced or have made each other's acquaintance. +The ladies of a country-house party are expected, as a rule, +to amuse themselves, more or less, during the day. After +luncheon there is usually a drive to a neighbouring town, a +little shopping to be done there, or a call to be paid in the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_213" id="Page_213">[213]</a></span> +neighbourhood by some of the party, notably the married +ladies, the young ladies being left to their own resources.</p> + +<p>At the close of a visit game is offered to those of +the shooters to whom it is known that it will be +acceptable.</p> + +<p>The head gamekeeper is usually instructed to put up a +couple of brace of pheasants and a hare. But in some +houses even this custom is not followed, and the whole of +the game killed, with the exception of what is required for +the house, finds its way into the market, both the local +market and the London market.</p> + +<hr class="tb" /> + +<p>Shooting parties as a rule give a hostess little anxiety +on the score of finding amusement for the ladies of +the party, as so many aids out of doors are at her command +at this season of the year. This is a great advantage, +as although some few ladies possessing great strength +of nerve have taken up shooting as an amusement and +pastime and acquit themselves surprisingly well in this +manly sport, yet ladies in general are not inclined for so +dangerous a game, and even those intrepid ladies who have +learnt how to use their little gun would never be permitted +to make one or two of a big shooting party, even were they +so inclined.</p> + +<p>The hostess and the ladies of the party invariably join +the shooters at luncheon, and some of the ladies go out +with the shooters in the morning to watch their prowess in +the field; but this entails a great deal of walking where +partridge shooting is concerned, which is quite another thing +to covert shooting in November and December.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A good hostess has great opportunities</big></b> for distinguishing +herself when entertaining a country-house party, +from the arrival of the first motor-car to the departure of the +last. Her consideration and tact are so successfully exerted +that somehow her guests always find themselves doing exactly<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_214" id="Page_214">[214]</a></span> +what they like best and in company with those who are +most congenial to them, to say nothing of the comfort of +the general domestic arrangements, which seem to have +been arranged exclusively for their convenience. If they +wish to drive, there is a carriage or motor-car at their disposal; +if they prefer a constitutional, there is some one very +agreeable desirous of walking with them. The daily papers +are always to be found, the post-bag goes out at a most +convenient hour by the hand of a special messenger, the +dinner is of the best, and the evening is of the cheeriest. +Bridge as a rule is played in most houses, and several tables +are arranged in the drawing-room to accommodate the +would-be players.</p> + +<p>Occasionally, when the birds are wild and sport is slack, +a sort of picnic luncheon is held in the vicinity of a keeper's +lodge, under the shade of some wide-spreading trees, when +the ladies join the party; but in September keen sportsmen +rather despise this playing at shooting, and resent the interruption +caused by the company of ladies at luncheon, and +prefer to take it in the rough and smoke the while. Every +day of the week is not thus given up to shooting, and there +are few owners of manors who would care to provide five +days' consecutive sport for their guests, and two days' hard +shooting is probably followed by what is called an idle day. +On these off days in September the hostess often gives a +garden-party, or takes her guests to one given by a neighbour +at some few miles distant; or she holds a stall at a +bazaar and persuades her guests to assist her in disposing of +her stock; or she induces her party to accompany her to +some flower-show in which she takes a local interest; or the +host and one or two of the best shots start early after breakfast +to shoot with a neighbour, and the remainder of the +guests drive over to a picturesque ruin, where they picnic, +and return home in time for the eight-o'clock dinner. If the +owner of a mansion has a coach the whole party is conveyed +on it, otherwise the motor-cars are brought into requisition,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_215" id="Page_215">[215]</a></span> +while saddle horses are provided for those who care to +ride. A country-house party occasionally resolves itself +into two or more cliques, as far as the ladies are concerned; +gentlemen, as a rule, are not much given to this sort of +thing. On the first evening, as soon as the ladies have left +the dining-room for the drawing-room, these little cliques +are tacitly formed, and continue unbroken until the close +of the visit. There are many reasons which call these cliques +into existence—old intimacies revived, new acquaintanceships +to be strengthened, unwelcome acquaintanceships +to be avoided, and so on. These cliques are by no means +agreeable to the hostess, indeed, quite the contrary—but +she is powerless to prevent their being formed, and she is +herself sometimes drawn into one or other of them, and +sometimes altogether excluded from them. Any one who is +at all conversant with country-house visiting is aware how +thoroughly the influence of the clique pervades the atmosphere +of the drawing-room; and yet, perhaps, at country-house +parties more friendships are formed and intimacies +cemented than at any other gatherings.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The evening amusements</big></b> at country-house parties +vary very much according to the proclivities of the hostess +or those of her daughters. At some houses dancing is the +order of things for a couple of hours or so after dinner, but +this mode of spending the evening does not always commend +itself to the gentlemen, who, after a long day's walking +through wet turnips and over heavy ploughed land, or a +hard day's riding over stiff fences, rather incline towards +the <i>dolce far niente</i> of a luxurious armchair than to the +pleasures of the mazy valse, and are proportionately grateful +to a hostess who does not call upon them to undergo any +further exercise than what they have already gone through +for their own pleasure.</p> + +<p>In most country-house parties bridge forms the chief if +not the only amusement, and is played not only after<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_216" id="Page_216">[216]</a></span> +dinner but in the afternoon also. Amateur theatricals and +<i>tableaux vivants</i>, impromptu charades, thought reading, +conjuring, etc., are fashionable amusements and easy of +accomplishment: the first-named of these demands considerable +study and plenty of time for rehearsal, therefore +theatricals are generally engaged in when the party is +composed of relatives rather than of acquaintances, and +when the visit would be perhaps prolonged to ten days or a +fortnight.</p> + +<p>Some hostesses prefer keeping late hours to early hours, +and do not retire until after twelve; this does not commend +itself to the gentlemen, as they are not supposed to adjourn +to the smoking-room until the ladies have left the drawing-room, +and gentlemen like to spend a couple of hours in the +smoking-room after dinner.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>In hunting counties</big></b> the breakfast is usually an early +one, varying from nine o'clock to half-past nine, according to +whether the ride to covert is likely to be a long or a short +one; but, as a rule, the nominal breakfast hour is 9.30 +o'clock. A certain amount of latitude is allowed to guests +as regards coming down to breakfast; they do not assemble +in the morning-room, but all make their way to the breakfast-room, +and seat themselves at once at table, while many +ladies breakfast in their own rooms.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>In Scotland, an invitation to shoot</big></b> often means a +visit of three weeks. The accommodation of the shooting-box +or lodge may be limited or primitive, and it is very often +both of these; but it matters very little to the sportsman +what sort of bed he sleeps on, or how he is made to rough +it, providing the grouse are plentiful. On some of the moors +there are but cottages and farmhouses for the occupation of +the sportsmen, but on others the houses are excellent, and +let with the moors, as many take a moor season after season +and invite their friends to shoot between the 12th of August<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_217" id="Page_217">[217]</a></span> +and October. The grand shooting parties that are annually +given in Scotland by owners of large estates and fine shootings +extends throughout the whole of the shooting season, +and guests come and go without intermission; as one leaves +another arrives. Certain houses or castles are much gayer +than others; to some very few ladies are asked, the majority +of the guests being gentlemen—probably the hostess and +two ladies and eight men—in others, the numbers are more +equal; in others, again, the party sometimes consists entirely +of men with a host and no hostess. Ladies generally ask +their most intimate friends to Scotland rather than acquaintances, +as they are left to themselves the whole of the day, +dinner being often postponed until nine o'clock, on account +of the late return of the sportsmen.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>South of the Tweed, September invitations</big></b> are +usually given for three or four days, from Tuesday till Saturday; +married couples, young ladies, and young men, are all +asked, and the ladies find amusement in lawn-tennis, or in +attending or assisting at some neighbouring bazaar or fancy +fair, as in this month county bazaars are very popular, and +the visitors at one house lend their services in conjunction +with the visitors at another, to hold stalls at a bazaar got +up by a third influential lady; and thus the stalls are +well stocked, and the fashionable stall-holders give an +impetus to the whole affair.</p> + +<p>Ladies see very little of the gentlemen between breakfast +and dinner. The shooters start about eleven, and seldom +return much before seven.</p> + +<p>When it is dark at four, those who prefer ladies' society +and tea to the smoking-room and billiards, make themselves +presentable and join the ladies.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>As regards the Etiquette of Visiting at +Bachelors' Houses.</big></b>—It is thoroughly understood that +ladies should be accompanied by their husbands, and young<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_218" id="Page_218">[218]</a></span> +ladies by their father and mother, or by a married couple +with whom they are on terms of great intimacy, in which +case the married lady acts as chaperon to the young ladies. +Young ladies cannot stay at the house of a bachelor +unless chaperoned by a married lady, or by a female +relative of their host. A widow and her daughter could +of course join a party of ladies staying at a bachelor's +house, or stay on a visit to him were he alone, or entertaining +bachelor friends.</p> + +<p>When a bachelor gives a country-house party, and +nominally does the honours himself, occasionally one of +the married ladies of the party tacitly takes the lead.</p> + +<p>The position of a young widower is similar to that of a +bachelor as regards society. Later in life, the contrary is +the case; a widower with grown-up daughters gives entertainments +for them, and the eldest daughter does the +honours, thus reducing the position again to that of host +and hostess.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_219" id="Page_219">[219]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXXVI</h2> + +<h3>HUNTING AND SHOOTING</h3> + +<p class="noin"><b><big>Ladies in the Hunting-Field.</big></b>—There is no arena +better fitted to display good riding on the part of women +than the hunting-field, and no better opportunity for the +practice of this delightful accomplishment and for its +thorough enjoyment. It is urged, however, that it argues +cruelty of disposition and unwomanly feeling to join in the +pursuit of a poor, miserable, hunted fox, and worse still to +be in at the death, and that women are liable to be carried +away by the enthusiasm of the hour to applaud and to +witness what they would otherwise shrink from. This +argument has a certain weight, and deters many from +actually hunting who would otherwise join in the sport, +and they make a compromise by regularly attending the +meets, and even witnessing a throw-off of a fox-break +covert. Every strong point that a rider possesses is brought +out in the field. The canter in the Row, the trot through +the country-lanes, or the long country ride are very feeble +substitutes for the intense enjoyment experienced when +taking part in a good run; the excitement felt and shared +in by the whole field exhilarates and stimulates, and renders +fatigue a thing out of the question, not to be thought of +until the homeward ride is well over.</p> + +<p>Considering the number of ladies who hunt, the accidents +that occur are surprisingly few, for the obvious reason +that ladies do not attempt to hunt unless their skill as +good horsewomen is beyond all question. Their husbands,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_220" id="Page_220">[220]</a></span> +their fathers, their brothers would not allow them to +jeopardise their lives, unless their riding and experience, +their courage, their nerve, and their instruction justified +the attempt.</p> + +<p>There are also two other weighty considerations necessary +to success—a good mount, and a good lead. The +father or husband invariably selects the one, and the friend—either +of the fair rider or of the husband or brother—gives +the all-important lead, without which few ladies +venture upon hunting, save those few who are independent +enough to cut out their own work.</p> + +<p>Ladies, who are naturally fond of riding, cannot always +indulge in the pleasure of hunting, on the ground of expense, +for instance. A lady may possess a fairly good +horse for ordinary purposes, to ride in the Row, or for +country exercise, but very few gentlemen of moderate +means can afford to keep hunters for the ladies of their +families as well as for themselves, although, in fiction, this +is freely done. If a lady has one good hunter of her own, +she may expect two days' hunting a week, providing the +country is not too stiff, and the meets are fairly convenient. +Occasionally, a mount may be obtained from a good-natured +friend, whose stud is larger than his requirements; +but this is not to be depended upon in every-day life, and +popular ladies and first-rate riders are more in the way of +receiving these attentions than the general run of ladies.</p> + +<p>As regards the presence of young ladies in the hunting-field, +there are two opinions respecting its advisability, +apart from the question of whether it is or is not a feminine +pursuit. The long ride home in the November and +December twilight, in the company of some member of +the hunt, who has become the young lady's cavalier for +the time being, is not to the taste of many parents; chaperonage +must of necessity be greatly dispensed with in the +hunting-field, and this is an objection which many fathers +advance against their daughters hunting.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_221" id="Page_221">[221]</a></span></p> + +<p>Some husbands entertain equally strict views on this +head, and are of opinion that the boldest rider and the best +lead to follow in the field is not always the guest they would +most desire to see at their own firesides.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Hunt-Breakfasts.</big></b>—A lady should not go to a hunt-breakfast +at the house of a country gentleman if unacquainted +with him, or some member of his family, unless +asked to do so by a mutual acquaintance. All gentlemen +riding to hounds, whether strangers to the host or not, have +the privilege of entering any house where a hunt-breakfast +is given and accepting the hospitality offered. The breakfast, +which is in reality a cold collation, with the addition +of wine, liqueurs, ale, etc., is usually laid out in the dining-room, +and no ceremony whatever is observed; the gentlemen +come and go as they please.</p> + +<p>The mistress of the house should either be present at a +hunt-breakfast and receive the ladies who arrive in the hall +or dining-room, or she should receive them in the drawing-room, +where refreshments should be brought to them.</p> + +<p>When a hostess intends riding to hounds, she is often +mounted before her neighbours arrive, in which case she +invites them to enter the house for refreshments, if they +care to do so.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Gentlemen who go down into a County</big></b> for a few +days' hunting only seldom wear "pink," and prefer riding +to hounds in black coats.</p> + +<p>The members of the hunt wear pink as a matter of +course, but it is considered better taste for a stranger to +wear a black coat than to appear in a <i>new</i>, <i>very new</i>, +unspecked red one.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Sporting Terms.</big></b>—Persons unversed in matters appertaining +to "country life" and "country sports," town bred, +and who have had little or no opportunity of acquiring a +knowledge of the subject from personal experience, can<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_222" id="Page_222">[222]</a></span> +hardly fail to commit many and various mistakes when +brought into contact with sportsmen and their sports.</p> + +<p>A knowledge of sporting matters and sporting terms, +and the etiquette observed by sportsmen, is only arrived at +by associating with those thoroughly conversant with the +subject, and with whom "sport" has formed part of their +education so to speak.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Shooting Season commences</big></b> on the 12th of +August with grouse shooting in the north of England, +Scotland, and Ireland. Partridge shooting commences on +the 1st of September and terminates on the 1st of February.</p> + +<p>The finest partridge shooting is allowed by general +consent to be found in the eastern counties.</p> + +<p>Partridge driving does not take place until January to +any great extent.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Pheasant Shooting</big></b> commences the 1st of October +and terminates the 1st of February.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Hares</big></b> may be shot up to the 1st of March.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Rabbits</big></b> may be shot all the year round.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Rooks</big></b> are shot during the spring and summer.</p> + +<hr class="tb" /> + +<p>It is difficult to make a would-be sportsman comprehend +the strict etiquette maintained between the owners of +manors; that is to say, he would think nothing of crossing +the boundary of his host's manor, "gun in hand," if he felt +inclined to follow a bird or hare he had wounded, oblivious +of the fact that, in the first place, the greatest punctiliousness +is observed between gentlemen in the matter of trespassing +on each other's land when out shooting; and, that unless +the greatest intimacy existed, a sportsman would hardly +venture to pick up his dead bird if it had fallen on a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_223" id="Page_223">[223]</a></span> +neighbour's manor, and would on no account look for a +wounded bird, but for a dead one only. In the second +place he would carefully observe the rule of leaving his gun +on his own side of the boundary, and would certainly not +carry it with him to his neighbour's land. These are points +that strangers invited for a few days' shooting very often +fall foul of, creating thereby much unpleasantness for their +host through their ignorance and inexperience.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When a gentleman is invited to join</big></b> a shooting-party, +it would not be necessary for him to take a loader with +him, as his host would find a man to perform that office for +him, unless he had a servant with him capable of performing +that duty; but if he were residing in the neighbourhood he +would, as a matter of course, take his loader with him when +asked to join a shooting-party, and in both cases he would +shoot with two guns, as to shoot with one gun only causes +a vexatious delay.</p> + +<p>A frequent cause of offence to sportsmen is for a +gentleman to be noisy when out shooting, that is to +say, to be "loudly talkative," or "boisterously merry," +or given to indulge in exclamations when a bird rises, or +when a bird is missed; your true sportsman maintains a +strict silence.</p> + +<p>There are numberless other points relating to field sports +wherein the "inexperienced sportsman" is apt to give +offence, but which would take up too much space to enter +into in a work of this description.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Fees, or Tips to the Gamekeepers</big></b>, vary from +10<i>s.</i> to £5, according to the number of days' shooting +enjoyed or the extent of the bag.</p> + +<p>For one day's partridge-shooting the tip to the head +gamekeeper would be a sovereign; for a good day's +pheasant-shooting, as much as two sovereigns would probably +be given. A gentleman who does not tip or fee up<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_224" id="Page_224">[224]</a></span> +to this mark is not likely to find himself too well placed in +a battue.</p> + +<p>The cost of a game licence is £3, and lasts twelve +months, from 1st August to the 31st of July the following +year, or £2 from the 1st of August to the 31st of October, +or £2 from the 1st of November to the 31st of July in the +following year, or £1 for fourteen days.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_225" id="Page_225">[225]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXXVII</h2> + +<h3>SHAKING HANDS</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">The</span> etiquette with regard to shaking hands is not an +open question, it is distinct enough and simple enough for +all exigencies, but yet there is individual temperament to be +taken into account which in many drives etiquette out of +the field, if by etiquette is understood not merely stiff propriety +of action, but politeness in the truest sense of the +word, and doing that which is exactly the right thing to do. +Etiquette rules when to shake hands and when not to do +so, when to bow and when not to bow; but in spite of this +knowledge, which is within every one's reach, there are +many mistakes made on this head.</p> + +<p>For instance, one does not offer to shake hands when +expected to do so; another offers to shake hands three +times; one displays unwarrantable warmth in shaking +hands; another extends two fingers only; one shakes hands +in a limp and uncomfortable manner, and takes the extended +hand merely to drop it; another literally pumps the extended +hand, or crushes the rings into a lady's fingers when +shaking hands with her.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A lady who does not shake hands</big></b> when expected +to do so is actuated by one or other of the following reasons—she +did not wish to shake hands with a certain acquaintance, +and preferred to bow only, or she was not aware +whether she should have shaken hands or not.</p> + +<p>The gentlemen who shake hands with great warmth and +<i>empressement</i> are two distinct individuals; the one is<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_226" id="Page_226">[226]</a></span> +cordial and large-hearted, and has a friendly grasp for +every one—a grasp indicative of kindliness, geniality, and +good fellowship—the other wishes to ingratiate himself in +certain quarters, and loses no opportunity of demonstratively +shaking hands, but no one is deceived by this spurious +imitation of the real thing.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When a lady gives but two fingers</big></b> to people +whom she does not care about, she is always a person who +fancies herself, and who feels very fine; she doubtless is, but +her good breeding and her good feeling are both in question +when she takes this method of showing the superiority of +herself and her position over that of other people.</p> + +<p>There are other eccentricities indulged in by different +people who shake hands when they should not, and people +who do not shake hands when they should.</p> + +<p>It depends upon whom a lady is introduced to, or upon +who is introduced to her, whether she should or should not +shake hands. She should not shake hands on being casually +introduced to a person altogether a stranger to her; but +yet there are so many occasions when it is both proper and +correct to shake hands on being introduced, that the rule +on this head is a very elastic one.</p> + +<p>For instance, a host and hostess should shake hands with +every stranger introduced to them at their house.</p> + +<p>A lady should shake hands on being introduced to the +relations of her intended husband.</p> + +<p>A lady should shake hands on being introduced to the +friend of an intimate friend.</p> + +<p>When a lady has entered into conversation to any extent +with some one to whom she has been introduced, and finds +she has much in common with her, she should shake hands +on taking leave; but if she has only exchanged a few commonplace +sentences, a bow would be all that is necessary.</p> + +<p>A lady usually takes the initiative with regard to shaking +hands as with bowing; but in reality it is a spontaneous<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_227" id="Page_227">[227]</a></span> +movement, made by both lady and gentleman at the same +moment, as the hand ought not to be extended or the bow +given unless expected and instantaneously reciprocated.</p> + +<p>A young lady should not offer to shake hands with one +not expectant of the honour.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Shaking hands on taking leave is</big></b>, with some few +people, a graceful and pleasant fashion of saying good-bye; +intimate friends hold the hand while the last words are being +said. Women hold each other's hands thus on parting, and +some few men take each other's hands; but with them it is +rather a foreign fashion, and is principally followed by those +who have lived much on the Continent; for, as a rule, an +Englishman prefers the hearty English shake of the hand.</p> + +<p>A lady having once shaken hands with another, should +continue to do so at subsequent meetings, unless a coolness +of manner warns her that a bow would be more acceptable.</p> + +<p>With regard to shaking hands at a dinner-party with +acquaintances: if the dinner-party is a small one, and there +is time to shake hands, it is correct to do so; but when +there is little time before dinner, and no good opportunity +for shaking hands, bows to acquaintances at distant parts of +the room, or when seated at the dinner-table, are sufficient +recognition for the time being.</p> + +<p>At an evening-party it depends upon opportunity whether +acquaintances shake hands or not.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The fashion of raising the arm</big></b> when shaking hands +is followed by very few in the exaggerated style in which it +was first introduced, but a modification of it has distinctly +become the fashion in general society.</p> + +<p>The hand, instead of being extended straight out, is now +offered on a line or parallel with the chest, a trifle higher +than the old-fashioned style, and the fingers of the hand +are held and gently shaken, but the palm is not grasped or +even touched.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_228" id="Page_228">[228]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXXVIII</h2> + +<h3>CHAPERONS AND DÉBUTANTES</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">An</span> unmarried lady, unless she be a maiden-lady of a +recognised age and standing, cannot act as an orthodox +chaperon; but, on the other hand, a young married lady +could do so with the greatest propriety, as could a brother +from the age of eighteen; of other relatives it is not necessary +to speak.</p> + +<p>Young ladies are now frequently asked to dinner-parties +without a chaperon, a hostess constituting herself chaperon +for the occasion. Dances are also given to which it is +understood chaperons are <i>not</i> invited, the hostess again +acting in that capacity, but at large balls and dances +chaperonage is considered indispensable for young ladies. +At theatres and evening concerts chaperonage is distinctly +required; but at morning concerts and <i>matinées</i>, companionship +rather than chaperonage is needed.</p> + +<p>As regards morning hours. Young ladies may now walk +together in the Park and elsewhere; ride together, attend +classes together or alone, go to luncheon or afternoon tea +alone or together at the houses of friends and acquaintances, +quite unaccompanied by a chaperon. They may also visit +at country houses without a chaperon, the hostess performing +this duty.</p> + +<p>At all out-door gatherings, such as garden-parties, tennis-parties, +cricket-matches, golf-meetings, etc., the chaperonage +required is of the slightest, and for which any might be +made available.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_229" id="Page_229">[229]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XXXIX</h2> + +<h3>PRESENTATIONS AT THE VICEREGAL COURT, DUBLIN +CASTLE</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">The</span> Drawing-rooms at Dublin Castle are held by the Lord-Lieutenant +of Ireland and his wife, in St. Patrick's Hall, +at 10.15 o'clock p.m.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A Lady who desires</big></b> a presentation at the Viceregal +Court must be presented by a lady who has herself +been presented thereat, and it is necessary that she herself +should be present on the occasion, save under exceptional +circumstances. A lady is not allowed to present more than +<i>two</i> ladies, except in special cases to be sanctioned by His +Excellency.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A Lady who proposes being presented</big></b> at a Viceregal +Drawing-room must send to the Chamberlain's office +by five o'clock, three days previous to the Drawing-room, +a card with her name and address both in town and country, +and the name and address of the lady by whom she is to +be presented distinctly written thereon, and stating which +Drawing-room she wishes to attend, to be submitted to +the Lord-Lieutenant and his wife for their Excellencies' +approval. Also two Presentation Cards must be obtained +at the Chamberlain's office two days before the Drawing-room—if +they have not previously been sent by post—and +must be filled in with the necessary particulars, and taken +to the Castle on the evening of the Drawing-room, one to be +delivered to the official stationed in the Corridor, and the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_230" id="Page_230">[230]</a></span> +other to be handed to the Chamberlain, who will announce +the name. It is requested that the names may be very +distinctly written upon the cards, that there may be no +difficulty in announcing them.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A Lady attending</big></b> a Viceregal Drawing-room, who +has been already presented at the Viceregal Court, must +leave at the Chamberlain's office, three days previous to the +Drawing-room, a card with her name and address, both in +town and country, distinctly written thereon, and stating +which Drawing-room she wishes to attend. She must bring +with her two similar cards on the evening of the Drawing-room, +one to be given to the official in the Corridor, and the +other to the Chamberlain, who will announce the name.</p> + +<p>A lady on entering the Castle on the evening of a Drawing-room +towards ten o'clock, finds the hall lined with +soldiers, and repairs at once to the cloak-room to leave +wraps, etc., and to have her train dexterously arranged over +one arm by a female attendant. She then proceeds up the +grand staircase, lined with servants in gorgeous liveries, +and enters the Corridor, where one of the Presentation +Cards is given up to the official in attendance, and she +passes down the Corridor into the Long Drawing-room, where +a barrier of wood, enclosing a space, is erected at the end. +One of the gentlemen of the Household lifts this barrier at +intervals to allow of a certain number passing through to +the Throne-room, at the door of which her train is let +down and arranged by men-servants. If she is to be "presented," +the Chamberlain tells her to take off her right-hand +glove, and, if royalty is present, informs her that +she must make three bows, and says, "Three bows, please." +She gives up her second Presentation Card to him, and he +calls out her name, and it is passed along to His Excellency +by the gentlemen of the household. The Lord-Lieutenant +and his wife stand on a daïs, he standing in front of the +Throne, which is a grand chair of State, and on either side—in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_231" id="Page_231">[231]</a></span> +what are known as the "Pens"—are grouped the +visitors staying at the Castle, those who have the private +<i>entrée</i>, and the members of the Household. The name of +the lady who makes the presentation is also called out. +The lady presented advances, the Lord-Lieutenant shakes +hands with her, but does not now kiss her on the cheek; +she then makes him a bow, and bows to his wife, who bows +in return. She then retires back to the door leading into +the Long Drawing-room, where her train is replaced over +her arm. She then proceeds to St. Patrick's Hall, or to the +Picture Gallery.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Ladies who attend</big></b> the Drawing-room only bow to +the Lord-Lieutenant and his wife; he bows to them, but he +does not shake hands with them or kiss them. In Ireland +men invariably accompany their wives to the Drawing-room, +having previously attended the Levée; they pass along the +base of the semi-circle, and make their bows at the same +time as do the ladies.</p> + +<p>When all have been received and have assembled in St. +Patrick's Hall, a procession is formed, the Lord-Lieutenant +walking first, followed by his wife, whose train is carried by +pages. The visitors staying at the Castle follow next, and +then the members of the Household, the band stationed in +the gallery playing "God Save the King" the while. All +those present form up in two lines to make a passage for the +procession to pass through, and bow low to His Excellency +and his wife as they pass.</p> + +<p>A supper is not given, only light refreshments of every +description. These refreshments are arranged on long +tables on one side of St. Patrick's Hall, and at the lower +end, under the gallery, tables are placed for tea, coffee, +wine, etc. On the opposite side of the hall red-cushioned +seats are placed, and the company promenade in and around +the Picture Gallery and St. Patrick's Hall during the remainder +of the evening.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_232" id="Page_232">[232]</a></span></p> + +<p>Ladies wear full Court dress as at Buckingham Palace, +and gentlemen uniform or Court dress.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Levées.</big></b>—Every nobleman or gentleman who proposes +to attend a Levée, and who has not yet been received at +the Viceregal Court, must be introduced by a nobleman +or gentleman who has himself been previously presented +thereat.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A Gentleman who proposes</big></b> to be presented must +send to the Gentleman Usher's office by five o'clock, two or +three days before the Levée, a card with his name and +address, both in town and country, and the name and +address of the gentleman by whom he is to be presented +distinctly written thereon, to be submitted for the Lord-Lieutenant's +approval. He must also obtain two Presentation +Cards from the Gentleman Usher's office, and must +take them to the Castle on the day of the Levée, the one +to be given to the official in the Corridor, and the other to +be handed to the Gentleman Usher, who will announce the +name to the Lord-Lieutenant.</p> + +<p>Any gentleman who proposes to attend a Levée, having +been previously presented, must also take two cards with +him to the Castle on the day of the Levée, with his name +and address, both in town and country, clearly written +thereon, to be given up as before mentioned. Again, a +gentleman who, having previously attended the Levée, proposes +attending the Drawing-room, is requested to bring +with him <i>one</i> card, with his name distinctly written upon it, +to be left in the Corridor. All those entitled to the private +<i>entrée</i> at Dublin Castle, and availing themselves of the +privilege, are permitted to be accompanied only by their +wives and unmarried daughters.</p> + +<p>Gentlemen wear Court dress or naval and military uniforms, +or the uniforms of Lords-Lieutenants of Counties, or +of the Royal Irish Constabulary, etc. The Academical<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_233" id="Page_233">[233]</a></span> +habit cannot be worn except when presenting an address +from a university. Foreign orders and decorations cannot +be worn at the Court of Dublin by British subjects without +special authority under His Majesty's royal licence.</p> + +<p>The right-hand glove should be removed before +Presentation.</p> + +<p>Gentlemen who, having previously attended the Levée, +are desirous of accompanying the ladies of their families +to the Drawing-room, are requested to apply to the +Chamberlain's office for an Attendance Card, which should +be brought to the Castle on the evening of the Drawing-room +and given up in the Corridor.</p> + +<p>Presentations in London do not count as Presentations +at the Viceregal Court.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_234" id="Page_234">[234]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XL</h2> + +<h3>HOSTESSES</h3> + +<p class="noin"><b><big>The Art of receiving Guests</big></b> is a very subtle one, +difficult to acquire; but when acquired and thoroughly +mastered it confers upon a mistress of a house an enviable +reputation—that of being a perfect hostess.</p> + +<p>With some this is in-bred, and grace and composure +and all the attendant attributes which are to be found in +this type of hostess sit naturally upon them; but the individuals +so gifted represent the few rather than the many. +A far greater section of society has to rely upon experience +to teach them this useful accomplishment, while with others +time alone can aid them in overcoming natural reserve, +and want of confidence in themselves, which stand in the +way of their assuming this character with anything like +success. Those ladies who are innately thoughtless and +careless in this respect, neither time nor experience can +mould, and what they are at the commencement of their +career, they remain to the end of the chapter—very indifferent +hostesses. There are varieties of hostesses, +according to individual capabilities, and who are known +amongst their friends by these appellations: first ranks the +perfect or "charming hostess," either title suits her equally +well; next to her comes the "good hostess," she is followed +by the one who is "not a good hostess"; and the rear +is brought up by the one who is decidedly "a bad hostess." +Amongst the salient points which distinguish the perfect or +charming hostess are perhaps, foremost, a certain facility<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_235" id="Page_235">[235]</a></span> +of putting each individual guest at ease, conveying that +the welcome she accords is a personal if not an especial +one. Simultaneously with these agreeable impressions is +conveyed a sense of the hostess's genial qualities; her +charm of manner, her graciousness and her courteous +bearing evincing so plainly that she is entirely mistress +of the situation: these qualities insensibly react upon the +guests, and evoke a corresponding desire to please on their +part.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The perfect hostess</big></b> possesses yet another advantage, +viz. a readiness of speech, a faculty of saying the right +thing at the right moment and to the right person, and +of identifying herself, so to speak, with the susceptibilities +of each of her guests.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The good hostess</big></b> is essentially what is known as a +considerate hostess; she makes up for the brighter qualities +in which she is lacking by her extreme consideration for her +guests. In the charming hostess this consideration is eclipsed +by her more brilliant powers of pleasing, it permeates all she +does, while in the good hostess it is her strongest point, +and upon which is founded her claim to the name. The +lady who bears the undesirable reputation of being "not +a good hostess" is not "good" in a variety of ways; +she means well and does her utmost to succeed, but by +some contrariety of the laws which regulate domestic +and social affairs, the results of her efforts are always the +reverse of what she would have them be. The lady who +is not a good hostess sometimes suffers from shyness +and reserve which renders her stiff in manner when she +would most desire to be cordial, silent when she would +be most loquacious, and awkward when she would be at +ease.</p> + +<p>As there are many reasons why ladies prove to be good +hostesses, so there are many reasons why they prove bad<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_236" id="Page_236">[236]</a></span> +hostesses, selfishness and want of consideration for others +contribute to these, as do procrastination and a vague idea +of the value of time. Ladies with such faults and weaknesses +as these produce very much the same impression +upon their guests, although, perhaps, one is a little less +culpable than is the other.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The selfish hostess is a bad hostess</big></b>, because, +providing she is amused, she is utterly indifferent as to +whether her guests are amused or not, her own pleasure and +gratification being of paramount importance. Instead of +being in readiness to receive her guests she descends late to +the drawing-room to welcome them, and is indifferent as +to whether there is any one to greet them or not.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The procrastinating hostess</big></b>, although she is equally +in fault, yet, as she hastens to excuse herself, when lacking +in politeness to, or consideration for her guests, her excuses +are sometimes admitted; but the selfish hostess, if she +deigns to excuse herself, does so with such a palpable show +of indifference as to her guests' opinion of her actions, that +the excuse is oftener than not an aggravation of the offence. +A lady who has no regard for time goes to her room to +dress at the moment when she should be descending to the +drawing-room; or she remains out driving when she should +be returning; or she puts off making some very important +arrangement for the comfort or amusement of her guests +until it is too late for anything but a makeshift to be +thought of, if it has not to be dispensed with altogether. +Everything that she does or projects is on the same scale of +procrastination; her invitations, her orders and engagements, +are one and all effected against time, and neither +herself nor her guests gain the value or satisfaction of the +hospitality put forth. The bad hostess walks into her +drawing-room when many of her guests are assembled, +either for a dinner-party or afternoon tea, and shakes<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_237" id="Page_237">[237]</a></span> +hands in an awkward, abashed manner, almost as if she +were an unexpected guest instead of the mistress of the +house.</p> + +<p>The host is not at his ease; he is provoked at having +to make excuses for his wife, and the guests are equally +constrained.</p> + +<p>If the host is of a sarcastic turn of mind, he never +refrains from saying something the reverse of amiable to +the hostess on her entrance. "My dear," he will perhaps +remark, "you are doubtless not aware that we have friends +dining with us this evening." This remark renders the +guests even more uncomfortable and the hostess less self-possessed, +and this is often the prelude to an inharmonious +evening, with a host whose brow is clouded and a hostess +whose manner is abashed.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The mode of receiving guests</big></b> is determined by the +nature of the entertainment. A welcome accorded to some +two or three hundred guests cannot be as personal a one as +that offered to some ten to thirty guests.</p> + +<p>Whatever disappointment a hostess may feel she should +not allow it to appear on the surface, and should not be +<i>distrait</i> in manner when shaking hands with her guests. +At large or small gatherings disappointments follow in the +course of events, and very few hostesses can say that they +have not experienced this in a larger or smaller degree at +each and all of their entertainments.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>At a ball or evening-party</big></b> a hostess should receive +her guests at the head of the staircase, and should remain there +until the majority, if not all, of the guests have arrived.</p> + +<p>As the names of the guests are announced the hostess +should shake hands with each, addressing some courteous +observation the while, not with a view of inducing them to +linger on the staircase, but rather of inviting them to enter +the ball-room to make way for other guests.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_238" id="Page_238">[238]</a></span></p> + +<p>At a ball given at a country house the hostess should +stand at the door of the ball-room and receive her guests. +When the guests have duly arrived, a hostess at a country-house +ball or country-house theatricals should exert herself +to see that all her guests are amused. If she sees that the +young ladies are not dancing she should endeavour to find +them partners. In town she is not required to do this. If +the chaperons have apparently no one to talk to she should +introduce one of her own relatives, if she cannot give much +of her own attention to them, and she should arrange that +all her guests are taken in to supper.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>At large afternoon "at homes"</big></b> the hostess receives +her guests at the open door of the drawing-room, and has +little more time to bestow upon each than at a ball or an +"at home." At small afternoon "at homes" she should +receive them in the drawing-room, and should rise and +shake hands with each arrival.</p> + +<p>A hostess should receive her dinner guests in the drawing-room, +and should shake hands with each in the order of +arrival. She occasionally finds it a trying ordeal to sustain +conversation between the arrival of dinner guests and the +dinner being served; sometimes this is prolonged for three-quarters +of an hour through the non-appearance of a guest +who must be waited for. A hostess should, although she +knows that her dinner is spoilt by being thus kept back, +endeavour to make the time pass as pleasantly as possible, +by rendering the conversation general and by making the +guests acquainted with each other. The hostess who can +tide over these awkward occurrences so that the postponement +of dinner from half to three-quarters of an hour is +hardly perceived, proves herself to be entitled to be considered +a good hostess.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_239" id="Page_239">[239]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XLI</h2> + +<h3>THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF LADY PATRONESSES OF PUBLIC +BALLS</h3> + +<p class="noin"><b><big>Ladies are frequently solicited</big></b> to allow their names to +be placed on the lists of lady patronesses of charity balls. +A ball committee is desirous of obtaining a list of influential +names to lend <i>éclat</i> and prestige to the ball, and a charity +ball often numbers amongst its lady patronesses the names +of many of the leading members of the nobility, followed +by those of the wives of the leading county gentry, or by +the principal residents of a watering-place or county town; +but it is understood, as a rule, that the duty of giving +vouchers or tickets for a charity ball is undertaken by those +ladies who are more directly interested in it, whose +husbands are on the committee, who make a point of +annually attending it, and thus are principally concerned +in keeping it select; and although in many counties and +in many towns lady patronesses, members of the nobility, +do attend, yet it not unfrequently happens that out of a +long list of great ladies only three or four are present at +a ball.</p> + +<p>The members of the leading nobility and gentry of a +neighbourhood invariably lend their names to local charity +balls, and head the list of patrons and patronesses, but +beyond lending their names, and in some cases sending a +subscription of money towards the funds of the charity, or +a present of game towards the supper, they have very little +to do with the ball itself, which is practically in the hands<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_240" id="Page_240">[240]</a></span> +of the local stewards. The exceptions to this rule are the +charity balls held in town during the season, such as the +Royal Caledonian Ball, the Yorkshire, the Wiltshire, and +the Somersetshire Societies' Balls. On these occasions +many of the great ladies give vouchers and attend the +balls.</p> + +<p>When ladies consent to become lady patronesses of a +ball, they usually notify to the committee whether they will +or will not undertake the duty of giving vouchers or tickets, +as the case may be. Some ball committees arrange that +vouchers are to be given by lady patronesses, to be subsequently +exchanged for tickets, signed and filled in with the +name of the person to whom the ticket is given. The lady +patronesses in this case receive the money charged for the +tickets, and forward it to the committee after the ball, with +any tickets that they may not have disposed of.</p> + +<p>The ladies who exert themselves to sell tickets are +generally those who possess a large acquaintance, whose +husbands are members of clubs; therefore, if any person +ought to be tabooed for some good social reason, the +lady patronesses reap the benefit of their husbands' knowledge, +and are thus able to give a polite refusal when +tickets are applied for for persons who are not altogether +desirable.</p> + +<p>It is no doubt a difficult and delicate task for the lady +patronesses of a large ball to keep it thoroughly select, and +if not very particular respecting those for whom tickets are +granted, a ball, though a full one, is likely to prove a very +mixed affair, if not somewhat objectionable, by reason of +the presence of persons to whom tickets should never have +been granted, on moral if not on social grounds; and +though the funds of a charity may gain considerably by +the increase of numbers, through a general willingness on +the part of the committee or the lady patronesses to grant +tickets to every one who may apply for them, yet such +policy is very short-sighted, and is seldom practised by<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_241" id="Page_241">[241]</a></span> +those who possess any practical knowledge in the matter, +as it is fatal to the reputation of a ball if persons who are +objectionable are present at it.</p> + +<p>In the case of a ticket being applied for for a person of +doubtful antecedents, a lady patroness's best course is to +refer the applicant to the ball committee for tickets or +vouchers.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Persons not well received in society</big></b>, or who have +ostracised themselves, have a predilection for public balls, +and make every effort to obtain tickets of admission; and +in some cases, when a refusal has been pronounced by the +committee of a ball, the committee has been threatened with +legal proceedings.</p> + +<p>Unmarried ladies seldom or ever act as lady patronesses, +it not being considered advisable to place the discretion of +granting tickets in their hands, lest their ignorance of the +world should be taken advantage of.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The lady patronesses of a charity ball</big></b> who undertake +to give vouchers or to sell tickets, usually exert +themselves to the utmost in inducing as many of their +friends as possible to attend the ball.</p> + +<p>It depends upon the committee of a charity ball whether +tickets are presented or not to the lady patronesses and +stewards; but if the funds of the charity are not at a +very low ebb, this is generally done in recognition of their +services.</p> + +<p>The responsibilities of lady patronesses of private subscription +balls are light in comparison with those of public +charity balls, as persons who attend subscription balls are +usually on the visiting lists of one or other of the lady +patronesses, while with regard to county balls, lady patronesses +are not usually concerned in the disposal of the +tickets.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_242" id="Page_242">[242]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XLII</h2> + +<h3>PERIODS OF MOURNING</h3> + +<p class="noin"><b><big>The Various Periods of Mourning</big></b> for relatives have +within the last few years been materially shortened, and +the change generally accepted; but as some still prefer to +adhere to the longest periods prescribed by custom, in the +present chapter both periods are given, and it entirely +depends upon individual feeling and circumstances which +of the two periods is observed.</p> + +<p>The time-honoured custom of wearing crape has greatly +declined, and with the exception of widows, many do not +wear it at all, while others wear it as a trimming only.</p> + +<p>A slighter change has also taken place in favour of half-mourning +colours, which are now more worn than black and +white during the half-mourning period.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Court Mourning</big></b> when enjoined is imperative, the +orders respecting which are minutely given from the Lord +Chamberlain's office and published in the official <i>Gazette</i>; +but these orders only apply to persons connected with the +Court, or to persons attending Courts, Levées, State Balls, +State Concerts, etc.</p> + +<p>When the order for general mourning is given on the +death of any member of the Royal Family, the order applies +to all, although it is optional whether the general public +comply with it or not.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Longest Period for a Widow's Mourning</big></b> +is two years. The shorter period is eighteen months.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_243" id="Page_243">[243]</a></span> +Formerly crape was worn for one year and nine months; +for the first twelve months the dress was entirely covered +with crape. The newer fashion in widows' mourning is to +wear crape as a trimming only, and to discontinue its wear +after six or eight months, while some few widows do not +wear it at all during their mourning, it being optional +wear.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Half-Mourning</big></b> in the longer period commences after +a year and nine months, and is worn for three months. In +the shorter period half-mourning may commence after +fifteen months, and be continued for three months.</p> + +<p>The period for wearing the widow's cap and veil is a +year and a day. The veil may be <i>crêpe lisse</i> or <i>chiffon</i> in +place of crape. It is now the fashion for young widows to +wear the cap as a head-dress only, while others do not wear +it at all.</p> + +<p>Lawn cuffs and collars are worn during the first year, or +for six months only, or not at all. After the first year white +neckbands and white strings to the bonnet may be worn. +Also hats in place of bonnets. Further touches of white +may follow during the next three months.</p> + +<p>After a year gold ornaments may be worn; diamonds +earlier.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Widowers</big></b> should wear mourning for one year; they +usually enter society after three months.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For a Parent</big></b> the period of mourning is twelve +months; ten months black, two months half-mourning, or +eight months black and four months half-mourning. The +black may be relieved with touches of white after three +months. Crape is optional; many prefer not to wear it at +all, others as a trimming.</p> + +<p>Diamonds—earrings, brooches; etc.—before gold, at the +end of three months.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_244" id="Page_244">[244]</a></span></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For a Son or Daughter</big></b> the period of mourning is +identical with the foregoing.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For very Young Children or Infants</big></b> the mourning +is frequently shortened by half this period, or even to three +months.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For a Stepmother.</big></b>—The period of mourning depends +upon whether the stepdaughters reside at home or not, +or whether their father has been long married, or whether +their father's second wife has filled the place of mother to +them, in which case the period of mourning would be for +twelve months, otherwise the period is six months—four +months black relieved with touches of white after two +months, followed by two months half-mourning.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For a Brother or Sister</big></b> the longest period of mourning +is six months, the shortest period four months.</p> + +<p>During the longest period, viz. six months, black should +be worn for five months, with a little white after two months, +half-mourning for one month. After one month diamonds, +pins, and brooches, etc.; gold after two months.</p> + +<p>During the shortest period, viz. four months, black +should be worn for two months, half-mourning two months.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For a Sister-in-law or a Brother-in-law</big></b> the +period of mourning was formerly the same as for a brother +or sister, but the four months' period is now the one usually +chosen.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For a Grandparent</big></b> the longest period of mourning is +six months, the shortest four months.</p> + +<p>During the longest period black should be worn for +three months, relieved with white after six weeks, half-mourning +for three months; diamonds after one month, +gold after six weeks or two months.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_245" id="Page_245">[245]</a></span></p> + +<p>During the shortest period black should be worn for two +months, half-mourning for two months.</p> + +<p>The custom of wearing crape may now be said to +have gone out of fashion as regards etiquette, black being +considered adequate mourning, save in the case of +widows.</p> + +<p>The former crape periods were six months for parents +and children, three months for brothers and sisters, three +months for grandparents.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For an Uncle or Aunt</big></b> the longest period of mourning +is three months, the shortest period six weeks.</p> + +<p>During the longest period black (no crape) should be +worn for two months, half-mourning one month.</p> + +<p>During the shortest period black for three weeks, +half-mourning for three weeks; diamonds after three +weeks.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For a Nephew or Niece</big></b> the periods of mourning +are identical with the foregoing.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For an Uncle or Aunt by Marriage</big></b> the period is +six weeks black, or three weeks black and three weeks half-mourning.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For a Great Uncle or Aunt</big></b> the longest period is +two months, the shortest one month.</p> + +<p>During the longest period black for one month, half-mourning +for one month.</p> + +<p>During the shortest period black for one month.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For a First Cousin</big></b> the longest period is six weeks, +the shortest one month.</p> + +<p>During the longest period black for three weeks, half-mourning +for three weeks.</p> + +<p>During the shortest period black for one month.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_246" id="Page_246">[246]</a></span></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For a Second Cousin</big></b> three weeks black. Mourning +for a second cousin is not obligatory, but quite optional, +and often not worn.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For a Husband's Relations</big></b> the periods of mourning +chosen are invariably the shorter ones.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For a Daughter-in-law or Son-in-law</big></b> the periods +are now shortened to six months; four months black and +two months half-mourning, or three months black and +three months half-mourning.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For the Parents of a Son-in-law or Daughter-in-law</big></b> +the period is one month, black.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For the Parents of a First Wife</big></b> a second wife +should wear mourning for one month, black relieved with +white.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For a Brother or Sister of a First Wife</big></b> a second +wife should wear mourning for three weeks, but this is not +obligatory, and depends upon the intimacy existing between +the two families.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Much Latitude is allowed to Men</big></b> with regard to +the foregoing periods of mourning.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A Hat-band should be worn</big></b> during the whole of +each period, but it is not imperative to wear suits of black +longer than half the periods given, save in the case of +widowers.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Servants' Mourning.</big></b>—It is customary to give servants +mourning on the death of the head of the house, which +should be worn during the period the members of the family<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_247" id="Page_247">[247]</a></span> +are in mourning. Mourning given to servants on the +death of a son or daughter is quite an optional matter.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Seclusion from Society.</big></b>—The question as to how +soon persons in mourning should or should not re-enter +society is in some measure an open one, and is also influenced +by the rules that govern the actual period of +mourning adopted.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A Widow is not expected to enter into Society</big></b> +under three months, and during that time she should neither +accept invitations nor issue them. Her visiting should be +confined to her relations and intimate friends. After three +months she should commence gradually to enter into +society, but balls and dances should be avoided during +the first year.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For a Daughter mourning for a Parent</big></b> the period +of seclusion is six weeks as far as general society is concerned; +but invitations to balls and dances should not be +accepted until after six months.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For a Parent mourning for a Son or Daughter</big></b> +the period of seclusion is the same as is that of a daughter +for a parent.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For a Brother or Sister</big></b> the period of seclusion is +three weeks.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For Grandparents</big></b> the period of seclusion is from +a fortnight to three weeks.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For an Uncle or Aunt</big></b> the period is a fortnight to +three weeks.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>For all Other Periods of Mourning</big></b> seclusion from +society is not considered requisite.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_248" id="Page_248">[248]</a></span></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When Persons in Mourning</big></b> intend entering again +into society, they should leave cards on their friends and +acquaintances as an intimation that they are equal to paying +and receiving calls.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When Cards of Inquiry have been left</big></b>, viz. +visiting cards with "To inquire after Mrs. A——" written +on the top on right-hand corner of the cards, they should +be returned by cards with "Thanks for kind inquiries" +written upon them (see <a href="#Page_19">Chapter III</a>.).</p> + +<p>Until this intimation has been given, society does not +venture to intrude upon the seclusion of those in mourning.</p> + +<p>Relations and intimate friends are exempt from this +received rule.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Funerals.</big></b>—When a death occurs in a family, as soon +as the day and hour for the funeral are fixed, a member of +the family should write to those relatives and friends it is +desired should follow, and should ask them to attend, unless +the date, time, and place of the funeral, and the train by +which to travel to the cemetery, are mentioned in the newspaper, +together with the announcement of the death.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>It is a Mistake to suppose that Friends</big></b> will offer +to attend a funeral, even if they are aware of the date fixed, +as they are naturally in doubt as to whether the mourners +are to include the members of the family only, or whether +friends are to be included also.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>In the Country, when a Doctor</big></b> has attended a +family for some years, it is usual to invite him to attend +the funeral of one of its members. In town this is seldom +done, unless a medical man is the intimate friend of the +family.</p> + +<p>In the country the clergyman of the parish reads the +funeral service, but in town, when the funeral takes place +at Kensal Green, Brookwood Cemetery, or elsewhere, a<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_249" id="Page_249">[249]</a></span> +friend of the family is usually asked to officiate; in which +case it is necessary to make an early application at the office +of the cemetery for the use of the chapel at a particular +hour.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>It is customary for Ladies to attend</big></b> the funeral +of a relative if disposed to do so, in which case they wear +their usual mourning attire, and follow in their own +carriages.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Doctor's Certificate</big></b> as to the cause of death is +of primary importance, and should be obtained at the earliest +possible moment.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Memorial Cards should not be sent</big></b> on the death +of a relative, being quite out of date as regards fashion and +custom.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Wreaths and Crosses</big></b> of white flowers are very +generally sent by relatives and friends to a house of +mourning the day of the funeral, unless "No flowers, by +request" follows the announcement of the death.</p> + +<p>When the funeral takes place before two o'clock, the +friends should be invited to luncheon. When it takes place +in the afternoon, they should be asked to return to the house +for tea or light refreshment.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_250" id="Page_250">[250]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XLIII</h2> + +<h3>ENGAGED</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">It</span> greatly depends upon the views held by parents as to +the freedom of action accorded to a daughter during her +engagement. Some entertain the strictest ideas on this +head, and strenuously put them in force.</p> + +<p>By "strict ideas" is meant that an engaged couple, +except in the presence of a chaperon, are never, under any +circumstances, permitted to enjoy a <i>tête-à-tête</i>, sit together, +walk together, ride together, or meet during any part of +the day.</p> + +<p>Wisdom and common-sense dictate a middle course of +action for the consideration of parents, neither granting too +much nor withholding too much.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The length of an engagement</big></b> determines in most +instances the degree of latitude allowed. If it is to last two +months, or even less, it is usual to permit the engaged couple +to be much in each other's society. The circumstances +under which this is accomplished depend upon the position +of the parents; if wealthy, and a country house is part of +their possessions, the young lady's father should invite the +gentleman engaged to his daughter on a visit, or one or two +visits, during the engagement.</p> + +<p>Or the mother of the bridegroom-elect should invite her +future daughter-in-law to stay with her for ten days or a +fortnight.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_251" id="Page_251">[251]</a></span></p> + +<p>Etiquette prescribes that a young lady must be chaperoned +by one of her near relatives at all public places of +amusement.</p> + +<p>If an engaged couple move in the same set, they meet +frequently at the houses of mutual friends; they are sent in +to dinner together when dining out.</p> + +<p>To dance with each other at a ball, or dance more than +three or four times in succession, and when not dancing +to sit out in tea-rooms and conservatories, renders an +engaged couple conspicuous, and this is precisely what +many mothers are most anxious that their daughters should +avoid being, and would rather that they were over-prudent +than that they should run the gauntlet of general +criticism.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The usual course for engaged couples</big></b> to take is +to go as little into society as possible during their engagement, +and to make the engagement as brief as circumstances +will permit. If from various causes it must of necessity be +a long one, the only alternative for an engaged couple is to +render themselves as little conspicuous in general society as +a mutual understanding will permit.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>When an engagement is first announced</big></b>, if the +families are not previously acquainted, the father, mother, +and relatives of the bridegroom-elect should call on the +father and mother of the bride-elect at an early date, to +make the acquaintance of the bride and her family, and +they should write to the bride-elect expressing their approval +of the engagement.</p> + +<p>The calls should be returned and the letters answered +with the least possible delay.</p> + +<p>The engagement should be announced to relatives and +intimate friends by the mother of the engaged young lady, +and if the announcement is to appear in the papers it should +be sent by her.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_252" id="Page_252">[252]</a></span></p> + +<p>The bride should ask the sisters and cousins of the +bridegroom to act as bridesmaids in conjunction with her +own sisters and cousins.</p> + +<p>When an engagement is broken off, all letters and +presents should be returned on both sides.</p> + +<p>All wedding presents received by the bride-elect should +be likewise returned to the donors.</p> + +<p>The mother of the bride should announce to all whom +it may concern, the fact that the engagement is at an end.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_253" id="Page_253">[253]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XLIV</h2> + +<h3>SILVER WEDDINGS</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">The</span> German custom of celebrating Silver Weddings has +become thoroughly recognised in this country. It is an +interesting custom to celebrate the first twenty-five years of +married life under the poetic title of a Silver Wedding, but +those who can do so must be for many reasons the few, +rather than the many; Royal personages, and distinguished +and prominent ones for instance, and again, those in humbler +walks of life "far from the madding crowd," are also +inclined to do so; but the "crowd" that divides them, +formed of different classes and different sets in society, will +hardly avail itself of the opportunity of celebrating this +period of married life. Husbands as a rule dislike the fuss +and parade and prominency it entails, and wives are disinclined +to announce to their friends and acquaintances +that they have been married five and twenty years, and are +consequently not so young as they were.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The entertainments given to celebrate a Silver +Wedding</big></b> are: An afternoon reception and a dinner-party. +A dinner-party followed by an evening-party. A dinner-party +followed by a dance. Or a dinner-party only, of +some twenty or thirty covers.</p> + +<p>The invitations are issued on "at home" cards some +three weeks beforehand, the cards being printed in silver, +and the words "Mr. and Mrs. White at home, To celebrate +their Silver Wedding" printed on them, with day and date,<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_254" id="Page_254">[254]</a></span> +etc. The dinner cards should also be printed in silver, +with the words "Mr. and Mrs. White request the pleasure +of Mr. and Mrs. Black's company at dinner to celebrate +their Silver Wedding," etc.</p> + +<p>For a dance the invitations should be worded "Mr. and +Mrs. White at home, To celebrate their Silver Wedding." +"Dancing" printed in the corner of the card.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Each person invited</big></b> is expected to send a present in +silver, costly or trifling as the case may be, whether the +invitation is accepted or not. These presents should be +exhibited in the drawing-room on the day of the Silver +Wedding with a card attached to each bearing the name of +the giver.</p> + +<p>At the afternoon reception the husband and wife receive +the congratulations of their friends as they arrive. They +enter the tea-room together almost immediately afterwards +followed by those guests who have arrived. Refreshments +are served as at an afternoon wedding tea. (See page <a href="#Page_143">143</a>.) +A large wedding-cake is placed in the centre of the table, +and the wife makes the first cut in it as a bride would do. +The health of the husband and wife is then proposed by +one of the guests, drunk in champagne, and responded to +by the husband.</p> + +<p>At the dinner-party the husband and wife go in to dinner +together, followed by their guests, who are sent in according +to precedency. The health of the husband and wife is +proposed at dessert and responded to. A wedding-cake +occupies a prominent place on the table, and the dinner-table +decorations consist of white flowers interspersed with +silver.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>At the Silver Wedding dance</big></b>, the husband and wife +dance the first dance together, and subsequently lead the +way into the supper-room arm-in-arm, and later on their +health is proposed by the principal guest present.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_255" id="Page_255">[255]</a></span></p> + +<p>The wife should wear white and silver, or grey and +silver.</p> + +<p>In the country, when a Silver Wedding is celebrated, the +festivities sometimes range over three days, but this only in +the case of prominent and wealthy people; balls, dinners, +and school-treats being given, in which the neighbours, +tenants, villagers and servants take part.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Golden Weddings.</big></b>—The celebration of a Golden +Wedding is rather an English custom, and one that from +circumstances can be but seldom observed. It denotes +that fifty years of married life have passed over the heads +of husband and wife, and is a solemn rather than a festive +epoch. Presents on this occasion are not so generally +given, and children and grandchildren rather than acquaintances +make up the circle of those who offer congratulations.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_256" id="Page_256">[256]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XLV</h2> + +<h3>SUBSCRIPTION DANCES</h3> + +<p class="noin"><b><big>Subscription</big></b> dances are now an established fact, but +whether they will ever really become a rival to the dance +proper remains to be seen; yet as they supply a want felt, +and are recognised by society, the arrangements necessary +for carrying them out should be duly noted.</p> + +<p>During the winter months they are a feature in certain +sets: Subscription dances, private Subscription dances and +public Subscription dances, the latter got up for charitable +purposes.</p> + +<p>The moderate expenses incurred by giving private +Subscription dances commend them to many, and there are +other reasons to account for their popularity. They are +without pretension to being considered smart or exclusive, +and are essentially small and early dances. Fashionable +ball-goers are not expected to attend them. They commence +at 9 o'clock and terminate at 12, light refreshments +in lieu of supper are provided, as at an afternoon +"at home." (See p. <a href="#Page_153">153</a>.) A piano band is considered +sufficient for the purpose, and floral decorations are scarcely +ever attempted. The invitations are issued on "at home" +cards, with the words "Subscription Dance" printed in one +corner.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Subscription</big></b> dances are sometimes invitation dances +and sometimes not. Tickets for these dances are charged<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_257" id="Page_257">[257]</a></span> +for singly or by the series as the case may be. A certain +number of ladies form a committee and agree to give a +certain number of dances, and the expenses are either +borne by the ladies themselves or covered by the sale of +the tickets. If invitation dances, a certain number of +invitations are allotted to each lady. When otherwise, the +ladies dispose of the tickets among their friends. These +dances are usually held in a mansion hired for the purpose, +and there are several available in different parts of the +West End, where spacious rooms can be hired on very +moderate terms; in some instances a piano, seats, and other +accessories are also included.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Public Subscription</big></b> dances are held in public rooms +or Town Halls, and vouchers are given by ladies on the +committee previous to tickets being granted.</p> + +<p>The same etiquette holds good at Subscription dances +as at other public dances. The early hour at which these +dances take place recommends them to some and altogether +renders them impossible to others, notably to +those who dine late, and who are not inclined to dance +at nine o'clock or even at ten o'clock, and who rather +resent the frugal style of refreshments offered, and consider +that a champagne supper is an indispensable adjunct to a +dance.</p> + +<p>It should be remembered that Subscription dances were +first originated for the amusement of very young people, +and it was never expected that they would compete with +the fashionable small dances of the day; their popularity +was a surprise, and if ball-goers are disposed to hold them +in contempt there are others less fashionable and less +wealthy who find them very much to their taste.</p> + +<p>The great difficulty, however, that ladies have to contend +with is the fact that very few men can be induced to attend +them, and that those who do accept invitations or purchase +tickets are very young men, who have their way to make in<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_258" id="Page_258">[258]</a></span> +the world, and are as yet on the lower rungs of the ladder, +and as young ladies are very much in the majority at these +Subscription dances, to dance with partners younger than +themselves is an almost inevitable result for those who are +no longer in their teens.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_259" id="Page_259">[259]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XLVI</h2> + +<h3>GIVING PRESENTS</h3> + +<p class="noin"><span class="smcap">As</span> regards presents in general it should be understood +that a present demands a note of thanks in all cases when +the thanks cannot be verbally expressed. The notes to +slight acquaintances should be written in the third person. +To friends, in the first person. This applies equally to +presents of game, poultry, fruit, or flowers. Some few +people entertain the erroneous idea that presents of this +nature do not require thanks. This is not only ungracious +but raises a doubt in the mind of the giver as to whether +the present sent has been duly received.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Wedding Presents.</big></b>—When an engagement has been +duly announced to relatives and friends, and it is understood +that it is to be a short one, wedding presents may be +sent until the day before the wedding-day, and the earlier +they are sent the more convenient it is for the bride, as she +is expected to write a note of thanks to each giver. In +each case a letter should be sent with the present expressing +the congratulations and best wishes of the donor, and, if +possible, a card with the name of the giver should be +attached to it for identification when the presents are +exhibited.</p> + +<p>The friends of the bridegroom, and unacquainted with +the bride, should send their presents to him, and he should +send them to the house of the bride's mother after having +written notes of thanks to the givers.<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_260" id="Page_260">[260]</a></span></p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Christening Presents.</big></b>—With regard to christening +presents the godfathers and godmothers are expected to +make presents to their godchild; these should be sent the +day before the christening, and should consist of a silver +mug and silver fork and spoon from the godfathers, while +a lace robe or handsome cloak are usual presents from the +godmothers. A present of money from 5<i>s.</i> to £1 should +be made to the nurse on the day of the christening when +the godparents are relatives, but oftener than not the +sponsors are represented by proxy.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Giving Tips to Servants.</big></b>—The tips expected from +ladies at the conclusion of a visit of some days, are: To +the head housemaid from 2<i>s.</i> 6<i>d.</i> to 5<i>s.</i> according to the +length of the visit. The same to the butler or single-handed +man-servant, and the same to the chauffeur. Young +ladies give less when visiting by themselves.</p> + +<p>The tips expected from gentlemen are: To the butler +or footman who valets them, to the chauffeur if he drives +them to and from the station, to the groom if he takes +charge of their hunters, also to the head housemaid. The +tip to the butler or footman who acts as valet is for a long +visit from 5<i>s.</i> to 10<i>s.</i>, and for a short visit from 3<i>s.</i> to 5<i>s.</i> +To the chauffeur 5<i>s.</i> in the first case, and from 2<i>s.</i> 6<i>d.</i> to +5<i>s.</i> in the second. To the housemaid, 2<i>s.</i> 6<i>d.</i> to 5<i>s.</i> For +tips to gamekeeper, see p. <a href="#Page_223">223</a>.</p> + +<p>The tips given to hotel servants vary according to the +length of the visit. To the head waiter from 5<i>s.</i> to 10<i>s.</i> +To the second waiter from 2<i>s.</i> 6<i>d.</i> to 5<i>s.</i> To the hall porter, +2<i>s.</i> to 3<i>s.</i> To the luggage porter, 1<i>s.</i> to 2<i>s.</i> To the head +housemaid in attendance, 2<i>s.</i> 6<i>d.</i> to 4<i>s.</i></p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_261" id="Page_261">[261]</a></span></p> +<h2>CHAPTER XLVII</h2> + +<h3>CHRISTENING PARTIES</h3> + +<p class="noin"><b><big>Christening Parties</big></b> may be said to be strictly family +gatherings, only the near relatives of the parents being +invited on these occasions.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Invitations</big></b> are given in friendly notes, and are +not issued on "at home" cards. The notice averages from a +week to ten days according to circumstances, meaning the +health and strength of the infant's mother.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>As a Rule Six Weeks</big></b> are allowed to elapse between +the birth of the child and the date of the christening.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Relatives are either invited</big></b> to luncheon after +the ceremony, or to a reception tea, or to a dinner-party to +be given the same evening. If a luncheon is decided upon +it generally takes place at 1.30, or earlier, immediately on +the return from the church. The meal usually consists of +hot viands—game or poultry—not substantial joints. Hot +and cold sweets. Fruit to follow. A smart christening +cake should occupy the centre of the table. Champagne, +claret, and sherry are given, although the former is probably +the only one of the three drunk on the occasion; this, when +the health of the infant is proposed—the only health which +finds acceptance at these gatherings.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Guests go in to Luncheon</big></b> quite informally, +the ladies and hostess entering first, followed by the men<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_262" id="Page_262">[262]</a></span> +guests and the host. They should be seated at table by the +help of name cards, each lady being placed at the right +hand of a gentleman. The clergyman who performs the +ceremony, if a friend, should sit at the hostess's left hand, +and should be asked to say grace; but in town he seldom +joins these family gatherings unless well acquainted with his +parishioners.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>A Reception Tea</big></b>, when given, is served in the dining-room; +but in this case the guests are received on arrival by +the hostess in the drawing-room, and when all have arrived, +she accompanies them to the tea-room and remains there +with them. The maid-servants should pour out and hand +the tea and coffee across the tea-table, but the hostess +should hand the cakes, etc., to her relatives, assisted by the +host, if present. The refreshments consist of the usual +variety in confectionery seen at all smart "at homes," a +christening cake being the addition.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Christening Dinner-Parties</big></b> closely resemble all +other family functions of this nature, with the exception +that the infant's health is drunk at dessert, and that a +christening cake is placed opposite the hostess when the +table is cleared for dessert.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>The Christening Ceremony</big></b> takes place in the +afternoon, usually at 2.30. The relatives on arrival at the +church seat themselves in pews or on chairs near to +the font. The godmother holds the infant during the +first part of the service, and then places it on the left arm +of the officiating clergyman. One of the godfathers should +name the child in response to the clergyman's question. +If the child is a girl, two godmothers and one godfather +are necessary. If a boy, two godfathers and one godmother +are required. These godparents are usually the intimate +friends of the child's mother. In certain instances the<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_263" id="Page_263">[263]</a></span> +relatives are chosen for the office of godfather and godmother, +but oftener not for family reasons.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Christening Presents</big></b> vary according to means and +inclination, and often comprise gifts of jewellery when the +infant is a girl, and money and silver plate if a boy; silver +spoons, forks, mugs, bowls, etc. The selection is a wide +one, and nothing comes amiss, from a robe with fine lace +to a chain and pendant or a jewelled watch. These +presents are usually sent the day previous to that of the +christening.</p> + +<p class="mt2"><b><big>Fees and Tips.</big></b>—Only minor fees are given to those +assisting at the ceremony. The officiating priest receives +some little gift in old silver or china, but not of money; +if, however, the parents of the child are wealthy a cheque +is sometimes given with a request that he will devote it +to the needs of his parish.</p> + +<p>Tips to the nurse from the child's godparents vary from +five shillings to a sovereign according to individual means.</p> + +<hr /><p><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_265" id="Page_265">[265]</a></span></p> +<h2>INDEX</h2> + +<ul><li><span class="smcap">Afternoon</span> "at homes," <a href="#Page_151">151</a></li> + +<li>Afternoon dances, <a href="#Page_157">157</a></li> + +<li>Afternoon tea, <a href="#Page_42">42</a></li> + +<li>Afternoon weddings, <a href="#Page_128">128</a></li> + +<li>Amusements at children's parties, <a href="#Page_192">192</a>;<ul> +<li>at country-house parties, <a href="#Page_215">215</a>;</li> +<li>at garden-parties, <a href="#Page_169">169</a></li></ul></li> + +<li>"At home" days, <a href="#Page_159">159</a>;<ul> +<li>"at homes," <a href="#Page_151">151</a>, <a href="#Page_238">238</a></li></ul></li> +</ul> + +<ul><li><span class="smcap">Bachelors'</span> Balls, <a href="#Page_87">87</a></li> + +<li>Balls, <a href="#Page_87">87</a>;<ul> +<li>patronesses of, <a href="#Page_239">239</a></li></ul></li> + +<li>Best man, duties of, <a href="#Page_131">131</a></li> + +<li>Bowing, <a href="#Page_206">206</a></li> + +<li>Breakfasts, <a href="#Page_183">183</a></li> + +<li>Bridal wreath, <a href="#Page_141">141</a></li> + +<li>Bride, <a href="#Page_131">131</a>, <a href="#Page_133">133</a>, <a href="#Page_140">140</a></li> + +<li>Bridegroom's relatives, <a href="#Page_133">133</a></li> + +<li>Bridegroom's responsibilities, <a href="#Page_130">130</a>, <a href="#Page_141">141</a>, <a href="#Page_146">146</a>, <a href="#Page_149">149</a></li> + +<li>Bridesmaids, <a href="#Page_132">132</a>;<ul> +<li>presents to, <a href="#Page_147">147</a></li></ul></li> + +<li>Bride's relatives, <a href="#Page_132">132</a></li> + +<li>Bridge parties, <a href="#Page_125">125</a>, <a href="#Page_158">158</a>;<ul> +<li>refreshments at, <a href="#Page_126">126</a>;</li> +<li>teas, <a href="#Page_158">158</a></li></ul></li> +</ul> + +<ul><li><span class="smcap">Calls</span>, paying, <a href="#Page_32">32</a>;<ul> +<li>after entertainments, <a href="#Page_113">113</a></li></ul></li> + +<li>Canoe parties, <a href="#Page_189">189</a></li> + +<li>Cards, gentlemen's, <a href="#Page_27">27</a>;<ul> +<li>ladies, <a href="#Page_19">19</a>;</li> +<li>memorial, <a href="#Page_31">31</a>;</li> +<li>"P.P.C.," <a href="#Page_26">26</a></li></ul></li> + +<li>Cards, leaving, <a href="#Page_19">19</a>;<ul> +<li>after entertainments, <a href="#Page_24">24</a>, <a href="#Page_28">28</a>;</li> +<li>on new-comers, <a href="#Page_25">25</a>;</li> +<li>returning, <a href="#Page_23">23</a>;</li> +<li>routine of leaving, <a href="#Page_21">21</a>, <a href="#Page_28">28</a>;</li> +<li>"to inquire," <a href="#Page_26">26</a></li></ul></li> + +<li>Chaperons, <a href="#Page_228">228</a></li> + +<li>Charity Balls, <a href="#Page_93">93</a></li> + +<li>Christening luncheons and teas, <a href="#Page_262">262</a>;<ul> +<li>parties, <a href="#Page_261">261</a>;</li> +<li>presents, <a href="#Page_260">260</a>, <a href="#Page_263">263</a></li></ul></li> + +<li>Clergy, how to address, <a href="#Page_59">59</a></li> + +<li>Cockades, <a href="#Page_209">209</a></li> + +<li>Colonial etiquette, <a href="#Page_161">161</a></li> + +<li>County Balls, <a href="#Page_93">93</a></li> + +<li>Country dinner-parties, <a href="#Page_114">114</a></li> + +<li>Country-house visits, <a href="#Page_211">211</a></li> + +<li>Court, attending, <a href="#Page_73">73</a>;<ul> +<li>presentation at, <a href="#Page_73">73</a></li></ul></li> + +<li>Court dress for gentlemen, <a href="#Page_85">85</a>;<ul> +<li>for ladies, <a href="#Page_80">80</a></li></ul></li> + +<li>Cricket-matches, <a href="#Page_168">168</a></li> +</ul> + +<ul><li><span class="smcap">Dances</span>, invitation, <a href="#Page_256">256</a>;<ul> +<li>public, <a href="#Page_257">257</a></li></ul></li> + +<li>Débutantes, <a href="#Page_228">228</a></li> + +<li><i>Dîner à la Russe</i>, <a href="#Page_106">106</a></li> + +<li>Dining out, <a href="#Page_100">100</a></li> + +<li>Dinner guests, <a href="#Page_101">101</a></li> + +<li>Dinner invitations, <a href="#Page_99">99</a></li> + +<li>Dinner-table decorations, <a href="#Page_107">107</a>;<ul> +<li>etiquette, <a href="#Page_108">108</a>, <a href="#Page_116">116</a></li></ul></li> + +<li>Drawing-room, retiring to, <a href="#Page_111">111</a></li> + +<li>Drawing-rooms at Viceregal Court, Dublin, <a href="#Page_229">229</a><span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_266" id="Page_266">[266]</a></span></li> + +<li>Driving, <a href="#Page_203">203</a></li> +</ul> + +<ul><li><span class="smcap">Engagements</span>, <a href="#Page_250">250</a>;<ul> +<li>etiquette of, <a href="#Page_251">251</a>;</li> +<li>presents, <a href="#Page_147">147</a></li></ul></li> + +<li><i>Entrée</i> at Court, <a href="#Page_77">77</a></li> + +<li>Etiquette, <a href="#Page_1">1</a>;<ul> +<li>at balls, <a href="#Page_91">91</a>;</li> +<li>at dinner-table, <a href="#Page_80">80</a>, <a href="#Page_116">116</a>;</li> +<li>colonial, <a href="#Page_161">161</a>;</li> +<li>Indian, <a href="#Page_164">164</a>;</li> +<li>in regard to royalty, <a href="#Page_61">61</a>;</li> +<li>of visiting at bachelors' houses, <a href="#Page_217">217</a>;</li> +<li>when travelling abroad, <a href="#Page_65">65</a></li></ul></li> + +<li>Evening parties, <a href="#Page_122">122</a>;<ul> +<li>garden-parties, <a href="#Page_174">174</a></li></ul></li> +</ul> + +<ul><li><span class="smcap">Foreigners</span> of rank, how to address, <a href="#Page_57">57</a></li> + +<li>Funerals, <a href="#Page_248">248</a></li> + +<li>Funeral wreaths, <a href="#Page_249">249</a></li> +</ul> + +<ul><li><span class="smcap">Gamekeepers</span>, tips to, <a href="#Page_223">223</a></li> + +<li>Game licence, <a href="#Page_224">224</a></li> + +<li>Garden-parties, <a href="#Page_166">166</a>;<ul> +<li>in the evening, <a href="#Page_174">174</a>;</li> +<li>in town, <a href="#Page_171">171</a></li></ul></li> + +<li>Giving presents, <a href="#Page_259">259</a></li> + +<li>Going in to luncheon, <a href="#Page_180">180</a>;<ul> +<li>to supper, <a href="#Page_123">123</a>, <a href="#Page_126">126</a></li></ul></li> + +<li>Golden weddings, <a href="#Page_255">255</a></li> + +<li>Gratuities to servants, <a href="#Page_97">97</a>, <a href="#Page_113">113</a>, <a href="#Page_156">156</a>, <a href="#Page_223">223</a>, <a href="#Page_260">260</a>, <a href="#Page_263">263</a></li> +</ul> + +<ul><li><span class="smcap">Honeymoon</span>, <a href="#Page_141">141</a></li> + +<li>Hostesses, <a href="#Page_234">234</a></li> + +<li>Hunt Balls, <a href="#Page_87">87</a>, <a href="#Page_95">95</a></li> + +<li>Hunt breakfasts, <a href="#Page_221">221</a></li> + +<li>Hunting, <a href="#Page_219">219</a></li> +</ul> + +<ul><li><span class="smcap">Indian</span> etiquette, <a href="#Page_164">164</a></li> + +<li>Introductions, <a href="#Page_6">6</a>;<ul> +<li>correct formula for, <a href="#Page_8">8</a>;</li> +<li>at afternoon calls, <a href="#Page_17">17</a>;</li> +<li>at country-house parties, <a href="#Page_11">11</a>;</li> +<li>at dinner-parties, <a href="#Page_9">9</a>;</li> +<li>at evening parties, <a href="#Page_123">123</a>;</li> +<li>at Public Balls, <a href="#Page_12">12</a>, <a href="#Page_90">90</a></li></ul></li> + +<li>Invitations, <a href="#Page_96">96</a>, <a href="#Page_122">122</a>, <a href="#Page_125">125</a>, <a href="#Page_152">152</a>, <a href="#Page_167">167</a>, <a href="#Page_177">177</a>, <a href="#Page_194">194</a></li> +</ul> + +<ul><li><span class="smcap">Juvenile</span> parties, <a href="#Page_190">190</a></li> +</ul> + +<ul><li><span class="smcap">Ladies</span> in the hunting-field, <a href="#Page_219">219</a></li> + +<li>Levée dress, <a href="#Page_85">85</a></li> + +<li>Levées, <a href="#Page_82">82</a>;<ul> +<li>at Viceregal Court, Dublin, <a href="#Page_232">232</a>;</li> +<li>presentations at, <a href="#Page_84">84</a>;</li> +<li>who may attend, <a href="#Page_83">83</a></li></ul></li> + +<li>Licences, marriage, <a href="#Page_128">128</a></li> + +<li>Luncheons, <a href="#Page_176">176</a></li> +</ul> + +<ul><li><span class="smcap">Marriage</span> by banns, <a href="#Page_128">128</a>;<ul> +<li>by licence, <a href="#Page_128">128</a>, <a href="#Page_148">148</a>;</li> +<li>fees, <a href="#Page_129">129</a>, <a href="#Page_148">148</a></li></ul></li> + +<li>Memorial cards, <a href="#Page_249">249</a></li> + +<li>Menus, <a href="#Page_106">106</a>, <a href="#Page_139">139</a></li> + +<li>Military Balls, <a href="#Page_87">87</a>, <a href="#Page_95">95</a></li> + +<li>Mourning, <a href="#Page_242">242</a>;<ul> +<li>Court, <a href="#Page_242">242</a></li></ul></li> +</ul> + +<ul><li>"<span class="smcap">Not</span> at home," <a href="#Page_41">41</a></li> +</ul> + +<ul><li><span class="smcap">Officers</span>, how to address, <a href="#Page_59">59</a></li> + +<li>Opening a ball, <a href="#Page_90">90</a></li> +</ul> + +<ul><li><span class="smcap">Patronesses</span> of Public Balls, <a href="#Page_239">239</a></li> + +<li>Pheasant shooting, <a href="#Page_222">222</a></li> + +<li>Picnics, <a href="#Page_186">186</a></li> + +<li>Plumes in Court dress, <a href="#Page_81">81</a></li> + +<li>Politeness, graces of, <a href="#Page_4">4</a></li> + +<li>Precedency amongst royalty, <a href="#Page_44">44</a>, <a href="#Page_50">50</a>;<ul> +<li>at ball suppers, <a href="#Page_91">91</a>;</li> +<li>at dinner-parties, <a href="#Page_49">49</a>, <a href="#Page_105">105</a>;</li> +<li>of ambassadors and diplomats, <a href="#Page_45">45</a>;</li> +<li>of army and navy, <a href="#Page_45">45</a>;</li> +<li>of baronets and knights, <a href="#Page_45">45</a>, <a href="#Page_51">51</a>;</li> +<li>of bishops, <a href="#Page_51">51</a>;</li> +<li>of clergy, <a href="#Page_45">45</a>, <a href="#Page_48">48</a>;</li> +<li>of esquires, <a href="#Page_48">48</a>;</li> +<li>of ladies, <a href="#Page_52">52</a>;</li> +<li>of legal profession, <a href="#Page_45">45</a>, <a href="#Page_48">48</a>;</li> +<li>of peers, <a href="#Page_50">50</a>;</li> +<li>of widows, <a href="#Page_46">46</a></li></ul></li> + +<li>Presentation at Court, <a href="#Page_73">73</a>;<ul> +<li>at foreign Courts, <a href="#Page_65">65</a>;</li> +<li>at levées, <a href="#Page_82">82</a>;</li> +<li>at Viceregal Court, Dublin, <a href="#Page_229">229</a></li></ul></li> + +<li>Presents, christening, <a href="#Page_260">260</a>;<span class="pagenum"><a name="Page_267" id="Page_267">[267]</a></span><ul> +<li>giving, <a href="#Page_259">259</a>;</li> +<li>wedding, <a href="#Page_130">130</a>, <a href="#Page_141">141</a>, <a href="#Page_259">259</a></li></ul></li> + +<li>Public Balls, <a href="#Page_87">87</a></li> +</ul> + +<ul><li><span class="smcap">Receiving</span> guests, <a href="#Page_101">101</a>, <a href="#Page_123">123</a>, <a href="#Page_154">154</a>, <a href="#Page_234">234</a></li> + +<li>Refreshments for "at homes," <a href="#Page_153">153</a>;<ul> +<li>at bridge parties, <a href="#Page_126">126</a>;</li> +<li>at children's parties, <a href="#Page_194">194</a></li></ul></li> + +<li>Refusing invitations, <a href="#Page_200">200</a></li> + +<li>Responsibilities of patronesses, <a href="#Page_239">239</a></li> + +<li>Riding, <a href="#Page_204">204</a></li> + +<li>Royal guests present, <a href="#Page_90">90</a>, <a href="#Page_123">123</a></li> + +<li>Royalty, how to address, <a href="#Page_53">53</a></li> +</ul> + +<ul><li><span class="smcap">Saying</span> grace, <a href="#Page_114">114</a></li> + +<li>Sending in to dinner, <a href="#Page_103">103</a></li> + +<li>Shaking hands, <a href="#Page_225">225</a></li> + +<li>Shooting, <a href="#Page_219">219</a></li> + +<li>Signing the register, <a href="#Page_134">134</a></li> + +<li>Silver weddings, <a href="#Page_253">253</a></li> + +<li>State Balls, <a href="#Page_97">97</a></li> + +<li>State mourning, <a href="#Page_97">97</a></li> + +<li>Subscription dances, <a href="#Page_256">256</a></li> + +<li>Supper, going in to, <a href="#Page_123">123</a></li> + +<li>Surnames of peculiar pronunciation, <a href="#Page_69">69</a></li> +</ul> + +<ul><li><span class="smcap">Tea</span> for afternoon callers, <a href="#Page_42">42</a></li> + +<li>Titles, how to use in speaking, <a href="#Page_53">53</a></li> + +<li>Town garden-parties, <a href="#Page_171">171</a></li> + +<li>Trousseau, <a href="#Page_141">141</a></li> +</ul> + +<ul><li><span class="smcap">Undesired</span> introductions, <a href="#Page_6">6</a></li> +</ul> + +<ul><li><span class="smcap">Walking</span>, <a href="#Page_202">202</a></li> + +<li>Water parties, <a href="#Page_188">188</a></li> + +<li>Wedding cake, <a href="#Page_137">137</a>, <a href="#Page_142">142</a>;<ul> +<li>cards, <a href="#Page_142">142</a>;</li> +<li>etiquette, <a href="#Page_129">129</a>;</li> +<li>expenses, <a href="#Page_146">146</a>;</li> +<li>favours, <a href="#Page_134">134</a>;</li> +<li>fees, <a href="#Page_129">129</a>, <a href="#Page_148">148</a>;</li> +<li>golden, <a href="#Page_255">255</a>;</li> +<li>invitations, <a href="#Page_129">129</a>;</li> +<li>luncheon, <a href="#Page_137">137</a>;</li> +<li>of widow, <a href="#Page_134">134</a>;</li> +<li>presents, <a href="#Page_130">130</a>, <a href="#Page_141">141</a>, <a href="#Page_259">259</a>;</li> +<li>receptions, <a href="#Page_136">136</a>, <a href="#Page_143">143</a>;</li> +<li>ring, <a href="#Page_130">130</a>;</li> +<li>service, <a href="#Page_131">131</a>;</li> +<li>silver, <a href="#Page_253">253</a></li></ul></li> + +<li>Widow's wedding, <a href="#Page_134">134</a></li> + +<li>Writing invitations, <a href="#Page_195">195</a></li> +</ul> + +<div class="center mt2">THE END</div> + +<hr /> + +<div class="center"><small><small>PRINTED BY<br /> +WILLIAM CLOWES AND SONS, LIMITED,<br /> +LONDON AND BECCLES.</small></small></div> + + + + + + + + +<pre> + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Manners and Rules of Good Society, by Anonymous + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MANNERS AND RULES OF GOOD SOCIETY *** + +***** This file should be named 39040-h.htm or 39040-h.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/3/9/0/4/39040/ + +Produced by Delphine Lettau, Stephen Blundell and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United 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You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Manners and Rules of Good Society + or Solecisms to be Avoided + +Author: Anonymous + +Release Date: March 3, 2012 [EBook #39040] + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MANNERS AND RULES OF GOOD SOCIETY *** + + + + +Produced by Delphine Lettau, Stephen Blundell and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + + + + + + + + +Transcriber's Note: + + Variant spellings remain as printed. Minor typographical errors have + been corrected without note. + + Non-standard characters have been transcribed as follows: + [oe]--oe ligature; + [=x]--macron over character _x_. + + + + + MANNERS AND RULES + OF + GOOD SOCIETY + + + + + MANNERS AND RULES + OF + GOOD SOCIETY + + _OR SOLECISMS TO BE AVOIDED_ + + + BY A MEMBER + OF THE ARISTOCRACY + + + THIRTY-NINTH EDITION + + [Device] + + LONDON + FREDERICK WARNE AND CO. + AND NEW YORK + + 1918 + (_All rights reserved_) + + + + +PRINTED IN GREAT BRITAIN + + + + +PREFACE + + +"Manners and Rules of Good Society" contains all the information +comprised in the original work, "Manners and Tone of Good Society," but +with considerable additions. In a volume of this nature it is necessary +to make constant revisions, and this is periodically done to keep it up +to date, that it may be depended upon as being not only the most +reliable, but also the _newest book of etiquette_. + +A comparison of the number of chapters and their subjects with those of +the early editions would best demonstrate how the work has grown, not +merely in bulk, but in importance also. This extension has allowed many +subjects to be more exhaustively treated than heretofore, and it now +includes every rule and point that could possibly be comprehended in its +title. + +The work throughout its many editions has commended itself to the +attention of thousands of readers, and it is hoped the present edition +will be received by society in general with the marked success of its +predecessors. + + + + +CONTENTS + + + CHAPTER PAGE + + INTRODUCTORY REMARKS ix + + I. THE MEANING OF ETIQUETTE 1 + + II. INTRODUCTIONS 6 + + III. LEAVING CARDS 19 + + IV. PAYING CALLS 32 + + V. PRECEDENCY 44 + + VI. THE COLLOQUIAL APPLICATION OF TITLES 53 + + VII. POINTS OF ETIQUETTE AS REGARDS ROYAL PERSONAGES 61 + + VIII. POINTS OF ETIQUETTE WHEN TRAVELLING ABROAD, AND + PRESENTATIONS AT FOREIGN COURTS 65 + + IX. THE RECEIVED MODE OF PRONOUNCING CERTAIN SURNAMES 68 + + X. PRESENTATIONS AT COURTS AND ATTENDING COURTS 73 + + XI. PRESENTATIONS AT LEVEES AND ATTENDING LEVEES 82 + + XII. BALLS AND STATE BALLS 87 + + XIII. DINNER GIVING AND DINING OUT 99 + + XIV. DINNER-TABLE ETIQUETTE 116 + + XV. EVENING PARTIES 122 + + XVI. WEDDINGS AND WEDDING LUNCHEONS 128 + + XVII. WEDDING RECEPTIONS 143 + + XVIII. WEDDING EXPENSES 146 + + XIX. AFTERNOON "AT HOMES" 151 + + XX. "AT HOME" DAYS 159 + + XXI. COLONIAL ETIQUETTE 161 + + XXII. INDIAN ETIQUETTE 164 + + XXIII. GARDEN-PARTIES 166 + + XXIV. TOWN GARDEN-PARTIES 171 + + XXV. EVENING GARDEN-PARTIES 174 + + XXVI. LUNCHEONS 176 + + XXVII. BREAKFASTS 183 + + XXVIII. PICNICS AND WATER-PARTIES 186 + + XXIX. JUVENILE PARTIES 190 + + XXX. WRITTEN INVITATIONS 195 + + XXXI. REFUSING INVITATIONS 200 + + XXXII. WALKING, DRIVING, AND RIDING 202 + + XXXIII. BOWING 206 + + XXXIV. THE COCKADE 209 + + XXXV. COUNTRY-HOUSE VISITS 211 + + XXXVI. HUNTING AND SHOOTING 219 + + XXXVII. SHAKING HANDS 225 + + XXXVIII. CHAPERONS AND DEBUTANTES 228 + + XXXIX. PRESENTATIONS AT THE VICEREGAL COURT, DUBLIN CASTLE 229 + + XL. HOSTESSES 234 + + XLI. THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF LADY PATRONESSES OF PUBLIC + BALLS 239 + + XLII. PERIODS OF MOURNING 242 + + XLIII. ENGAGED 250 + + XLIV. SILVER WEDDINGS 253 + + XLV. SUBSCRIPTION DANCES 256 + + XLVI. GIVING PRESENTS 259 + + XLVII. CHRISTENING PARTIES 261 + + INDEX 265 + + + + +INTRODUCTORY REMARKS + + +The title of this work sufficiently indicates the nature of its +contents. The Usages of Good Society relate not only to good manners and +to good breeding, but also to the proper etiquette to be observed on +every occasion. + +Not only are certain rules laid down, and minutely explained, but the +most comprehensive instructions are given in each chapter respecting +every form or phase of the subject under discussion that it may be +clearly understood what _is_ done, or what is _not_ done, in good +society, and also how what _is_ done in good society should be done. It +is precisely this knowledge that gives to men and women the +consciousness of feeling thoroughly at ease in whatever sphere they may +happen to move, and causes them to be considered well bred by all with +whom they may come in contact. + +A solecism may be perhaps in itself but a trifling matter, but in the +eyes of society at large it assumes proportions of a magnified aspect, +and reflects most disadvantageously upon the one by whom it is +committed; the direct inference being, that to be guilty of a solecism +argues the offender to be unused to society, and consequently not on an +equal footing with it. This society resents, and is not slow in making +its disapproval felt by its demeanour towards the offender. + +Tact and innate refinement, though of the greatest assistance to one +unused to society, do not suffice of themselves; and although counting +for much, cannot supply the want of the actual knowledge of what is +customary in society. Where tact and innate refinement do not exist--and +this is not seldom the case, as they are gifts bestowed upon the few +rather than upon the many--then a thorough acquaintance with the social +observances in force in society becomes more than ever necessary, and +especially to those who, socially speaking, are desirous of making their +way in the world. + +Those individuals who have led secluded or isolated lives, or who have +hitherto moved in other spheres than those wherein well-bred people +move, will gather all the information necessary from these pages to +render them thoroughly conversant with the manners and amenities of +society. + +This work will be found of equal service to both men and women, as in +each chapter the points of social etiquette to be observed by both sexes +have been fully considered. + +Those having the charge of young ladies previous to their introduction +into society, either mothers, chaperons, or governesses, will also +derive much useful and practical information from the perusal of this +work, while to those thoroughly versed in the usages of society it +cannot fail to commend itself, containing as it does many useful and +valuable hints on social questions. + + + + +MANNERS AND RULES OF GOOD SOCIETY + + + + +CHAPTER I + +THE MEANING OF ETIQUETTE + + +What is etiquette, and what does the word convey? It is a poor one in +itself, and falls very far short of its wide application. It has an +old-fashioned ring about it, savouring of stiffness, primness, and +punctiliousness, which renders it distasteful to many possessing +advanced ideas; and yet the word etiquette is not so very old either, as +Johnson did not include it in his dictionary, and Walker apologises for +introducing it into his, and according to the authorities he quotes, it +is supposed to be derived from stichos, stichus, stichetus, sticketta, +and from thence to etiquette. But whether derived from the Latin or the +French--and many incline to the latter opinion--there is no doubt that +could a new word be found to replace this much abused one, it would be a +welcome addition to our vocabulary. The word has unfortunately become +associated in our minds with forms, ceremonies, and observances, in an +exaggerated degree; and it has been so constantly misused and +misinterpreted and misunderstood that ridicule and contempt have been +most unjustly and unfairly thrown upon it. The true meaning of +etiquette can hardly be described in dictionary parlance; it embraces +the whole gamut of good manners, good breeding, and true politeness. One +of the reasons which have no doubt contributed to bring the word +"etiquette" into disrepute, is the manner in which the subject has been +handled by incompetent people, who, having but a very hazy and obscure +knowledge, if any knowledge at all, yet profess to write guides to +polite manners--rambling and incoherent guides, which not only provoke a +smile from those better informed, but mislead and bewilder any one rash +enough to consult them, without previous inquiry as to whether they are +safe to follow. A little caution on this head would insure the most +correct and reliable work being secured amongst so much that is +unreliable. Some people read everything that is written on the subject +of etiquette, not only those who are ignorant and wish to learn +something of its laws, but those who are thoroughly well versed in them +and who, one might suppose, had nothing to learn; still these latter +like to see what is written, to feel the satisfaction of being supported +in their own knowledge by a well-informed writer; or of finding +amusement in the absurdities gravely advanced by some one writing from +another sphere than that where _savoir vivre_ reigns. Others attach a +very narrow meaning to the word etiquette, and neither accept it nor +understand it in its true sense; they have an idea that its rules +influence and govern society in general. Rules of etiquette are from +their point of view but trammels and shackles; let them be cast off or +burst through, say they; let every one do as he likes; let all behave as +they like; we are in a free country, why should we not wipe our mouths +upon the table-cloth if we please? Others again, devour books of +etiquette on the quiet; they are very much in want of instruction as +every one knows, but they have not the courage to confess that they are +awake of this want, and are trying to pick up some knowledge of this +kind to be useful to them; as their aim is to rise in the social scale, +they would not let their friends know for worlds about this new study, +but they know it, and find that they have improved, that they do not +commit as many _gaucheries_ as heretofore; still, they have caught the +letter rather than the spirit of etiquette, they have read the rules it +prescribes, and act up to them as far as their memories serve them; but +they have failed in one essential particular of understanding that +courtesy, consideration towards others, and unselfishness, are the +sources of true politeness from which etiquette springs. + +There is an idea amongst some few people who have mixed little in the +world, and moved but in one fixed groove, that the more exalted the +sphere, the more perfect the manners. It is needless to attempt to +refute such a fallacy as this, for examples of the most perfect manner +are to be met with not only amongst those who can boast of long lineage +and high birth, but also amongst those who lay claim to neither. + +Our present code of etiquette is constructed upon the refinement, +polish, and culture of years, of centuries. Wealth and luxury, and +contact with all that is beautiful in art and nature, have in all ages +exercised a powerful influence on the manners of men; we do not say on +the times, as unfortunately these advantages did not reach down to the +many but were confined to the strictly few; but in these modern days the +many have come, and still come, within the charmed circle; the ring +broadens, ever widens; it is not now as in olden days that "their lot +forbade." On the contrary, the possession of wealth or of talent is the +open sesame to the most refined and cultured circles. The word etiquette +is too narrow for all it embraces; it must be viewed in a double light, +and be taken from a moral point as well as from a conventional one. A +kindly nature, and an unselfish spirit are never wanting in true +politeness, but the conventionalities of society give the finish and +completeness to the whole, the colour, as it were, to the picture. In +some the conventional spirit is uppermost and they have at best but a +surface polish. In others the kindly feelings of the heart are allowed +full play, and no act of genuine politeness is omitted or left undone in +their intercourse with their fellows, and these graces of kindly +politeness linger in the memory, trivial though they may have been, +years after one has lost sight of this true gentleman or thorough lady, +and one says of him, "What a charming man he was, how courteous and +considerate, and how kind!" and of her, "She was the sweetest and +prettiest-mannered woman I ever met." + +It is only given to the very few to be thoroughly and unaffectedly +charming without a shadow of self-consciousness or effort. To assume a +would-be charming manner for the moment, with the desire to be unusually +pleasing to some one in particular, does not confer the enviable +reputation of having a charming manner. It does not sit easy enough to +be altogether natural; it conveys the idea of being put on for the +occasion, and, like all other imitations, it hardly ever pleases and +seldom deceives. Etiquette and true politeness would have us go further +than this, and our manners of to-day should be our manners of to-morrow, +and not variable according to place and persons. The world is quick to +note these uncertain demeanours, and every one's measure is readily +taken and retained. + +The rules of etiquette are indispensable to the smooth working of +society at large. Take, for example, the etiquette of precedency, in +force both in public and in private: on every public occasion, and in +every private circle, precedency steps in to render assistance, and is +as necessary in the smallest private circle as in the largest public +gathering, because it assigns to every one his or her place as far as +claim can be laid to place. Mistakes in the matter of precedency are not +only committed by those who have enjoyed few social advantages, but by +those also who have had everything in their favour. Young ladies, for +instance, when married from the schoolroom, as it were, often make grave +mistakes on the question of precedency, if they do not ignore it +altogether. + +The etiquette of card-leaving and that of paying calls are indisputably +necessary and only the very ignorant would attempt to gainsay their +utility; without these aids to order and method all intercourse between +friends and acquaintances would be uncertain and chaotic; as it is there +is little excuse when the right thing is not done, and any departure +from the simple rules laid down on these heads, is the best possible +proof of the standing, position, and associations of the one at fault. + +Any one point of etiquette if brought to the bar of common-sense would +be pronounced reasonable, proper, and sensible; and there is strictly +speaking no question of etiquette that cannot be thus judged and upon +which a like verdict would not be given. There is no one rule of +etiquette that can be described as absurd or ridiculous, arbitrary or +tyrannical, and taken collectively the rules are but social obligations +due from one person to another. Why should we not be a well-mannered +people? Why should we not be refined, cultivated, and polished in our +demeanour and bearing? Why should we not seek to charm if we can? Why +should we not cultivate and encourage in ourselves consideration, +thoughtfulness, and graciousness towards others in the smallest details +of daily life? + + + + +CHAPTER II + +INTRODUCTIONS + + +There are ceremonious introductions and unceremonious introductions, +premeditated introductions and unpremeditated introductions; but, in all +cases, introductions should never be indiscriminately made--that is to +say, without a previous knowledge on the part of those making them as to +whether the persons thus introduced will be likely to appreciate each +other, or the reverse, or unless they have expressed a desire to become +acquainted. For instance, a lady should not introduce two of her +acquaintances residing in a country town or watering-place, moving in +different circles, unless they have each expressed such a desire. + + +=An Undesired Introduction=, if made, compels the one to whom it is the +most unwelcome, to treat the other with marked coldness, or to continue +an acquaintance that is distasteful. + +Should the slightest doubt exist as to how an introduction will be +received--whether the meditated introduction is a spontaneous desire on +the part of a lady or gentleman, or whether one person expressed a wish +to make the acquaintance of another person and expressed that wish to a +mutual friend--the received rule is to consult the wishes of both +persons on the subject before making the introduction. + + +=When a Difference of Rank= exists between two persons, it would be +sufficient to ascertain the wishes of the person of highest rank alone. + +A person about to make an introduction, should say to the one lady, but +not in the hearing of the other, "Mrs. A----, may I introduce Mrs. B---- +to you?" or some such formula, according to the degree of intimacy +existing between herself and Mrs. A. (See "The Art of Conversing.") + +When two ladies are of equal rank, the wishes of the person with whom +the person making the introduction is least intimate should be +consulted. + +In the case of one person having expressed a wish to make the +acquaintance of another, there remains but the wishes of one person to +ascertain. + +Acquiescence having been given, the introduction should be made. + +In making an introduction, the lady of lowest rank should be introduced +to the lady of highest rank; in no case should the lady of highest rank +be introduced to the lady of lowest rank. This point of etiquette should +always be strictly observed. + + +=A Gentleman should always be introduced to a Lady=, whatever his rank +may be, without reference to her rank, whatever it may be. This rule is +invariable, and is based upon the privilege of the sex--"_place aux +dames_." + +It is not usual to ascertain a gentleman's wishes as to whether he will +be introduced to a lady or not, although at a ball it is usual to do so +when the introduction is made for a special object, viz., that of +obtaining a partner for a lady; and as a gentleman may be either unable +or unwilling to ask the lady to dance, it is incumbent to ascertain +beforehand whether the introduction is desired or not, otherwise the +introduction would be of no avail for the purpose, and prove a +disappointment to the lady. + +"Would you like to be introduced to Miss A----?" or some such polite +phrase (see "The Art of Conversing"), is the sort of formula by which to +ascertain a gentleman's wishes as to an introduction in the ball-room; +as ball-room introductions are understood to mean an intention on the +part of a gentleman to ask a lady to dance or to take her in to supper. + +In general society, gentlemen are supposed to seek, rather than to avoid +the acquaintance of ladies, irrespective of whatever sets in society to +which they belong. It is immaterial to a gentleman in which set in +society his acquaintances move, and he can be polite to all without +offending any in their several circles. + +With regard to his own sex a gentleman is generally as exclusive as to +the acquaintanceships which he forms, as is a lady with regard to the +acquaintanceships which she forms. Reciprocity of taste is the basis on +which acquaintanceships between men are established, subject, in a +certain measure, to social position; though this rule is itself subject +to wide exceptions. + +It is the rule for a gentleman to ask a mutual friend, or an +acquaintance, for an introduction to a lady, and it is the received rule +to do so when a gentleman desires to be introduced to any lady in +particular; but gentlemen do not ask to be introduced to each other, +unless some special reason exists for so doing--some reason that would +commend itself to the person whose acquaintance was desired, as well as +to the person making the introduction; otherwise, such a wish would +appear to be either puerile or sycophantic, thus the request might meet +with a refusal, and the proffered acquaintanceship be declined. + + +=When Introductions are made between Ladies=, an unmarried lady should +be introduced to a married lady, unless the unmarried lady is of a +higher rank than the married lady, when the rule is reversed. + +The correct formula in use when making introductions is "Mrs. X----, +Lady Z.," thus mentioning the name of the lady of lowest rank first, as +she is the person introduced to the lady of highest rank. "Mrs. X----, +Lady Z.," is all that need be said on the occasion by the person making +the introduction. When the ladies are of equal rank it is immaterial +which name is mentioned first; but there generally exists sufficient +difference in the social position of the two ladies to give a slight +distinction in favour of the one or of the other, which the person +making the introduction should take into consideration. + +When the introduction has been made, the ladies should bow to each +other, and either lady should make a slight remark. + +It is not usual for ladies on being first introduced to each other to +shake hands, but only to bow; but there are very many exceptions to this +rule. + +When one lady is of higher rank than the other, should she offer to +shake hands, it would be a compliment and a mark of friendliness on her +part. + +When a person introduces two intimate friends of his or hers to each +other, they would be expected to shake hands, instead of bowing only. + +The relations of an engaged couple should, on being introduced, shake +hands with both bride and bridegroom elect, as should the intimate +friends of an engaged couple; as also should the relations of the two +families on being introduced to each other. + +It is the privilege of the lady to be the first to offer to shake hands, +in every case, when a gentleman is introduced to her. + +A lady should shake hands with every one introduced to her in her own +house--that is to say, whether the person is brought by a mutual friend, +or is present by invitation obtained through a mutual friend. + + +=At Dinner-parties=, both small and large, the hostess should use her +own discretion as to the introductions she thinks proper to make. It is +not customary to make general introductions at a dinner-party; but in +sending guests down to dinner, who are strangers to each other, the host +or hostess should introduce the gentleman to the lady whom he is to take +down to dinner. It would be quite unnecessary to ask the lady's +permission before doing so. It would be sufficient to make the +introduction a few moments before dinner was announced, and the usual +formula is, "Mrs. A., Mr. B. will take you in to dinner." A bow is the +recognition of this introduction. + +When the majority at a dinner-party are strangers to each other, a host +or hostess should introduce one or two of the principal guests to each +other, when time allows of its being done before dinner is served; such +introductions are oftener made at country dinner-parties than at town +dinner-parties. + +A hostess should, in some instances, introduce ladies to each other in +the drawing-room after dinner if the opportunity offers, and she +considers it advisable to do so. + +As a rule, a host seldom introduces gentlemen to each other in the +dining-room after dinner, as they address each other as a matter of +course on such occasions. + +A hostess should introduce her principal guests to each other, at +five-o'clock teas, garden-parties, small "at homes," etc.--that is to +say, gentlemen to ladies--for the purpose of their taking the ladies to +the tea-room. In this case also, the introduction should be made without +previously consulting the lady; and a gentleman, knowing the reason of +the introduction, should at once proffer the expected civility. + +At these gatherings a hostess should use her own discretion as to any +general introductions she thinks proper to make, and should introduce +any gentleman to any lady without previously consulting the lady if she +thinks the introduction will prove agreeable to her. + +When introducing ladies to each other, she should give married ladies, +and ladies of rank, the option of the introduction; but should +introduce young unmarried ladies to each other if she thinks proper. + + +=When Callers arrive simultaneously=, the hostess should introduce them +directly or indirectly to each other, if there is no social reason to +the contrary. + +When a hostess is aware that her visitors do not desire each other's +acquaintanceship, or, if she considers that the introduction is not +altogether a suitable one, agreeable to both persons, she should not +make it, but converse with each visitor in turn, at the same time not +allowing the conversation to become too general. + +At large gatherings, persons desirous of avoiding each other's +acquaintanceship, could be present at the house of a mutual acquaintance +without coming into direct contact with one another, providing the host +and hostess possessed sufficient tact and discretion not to attempt to +effect a _rapprochement_ between them. + + +=At Country-house Parties=, the hostess should introduce the principal +ladies to one another on the first day of their arrival; but if it is a +large party, introductions should not be generally made, but should be +made according to the judgment of the hostess. The fact of persons being +guests in the same house constitutes in itself an introduction, and it +rests with the guests thus brought together whether the acquaintanceship +ripens into subsequent intimacy or not. + +The same remark applies in a degree to afternoon teas and "at homes." +The guests converse with each other if inclined to do so. The act of so +conversing would not constitute an acquaintanceship, although it might, +under some circumstances, establish a bowing acquaintanceship, +especially between gentlemen. + +Ladies should not bow to each other after only exchanging a few remarks +at afternoon tea, or at a garden-party, unless there were some +particular social link between them to warrant their so doing, in which +case the lady of highest rank should take the initiative. + + +=Introductions at Public Balls.=--It is erroneous to suppose that it is +the duty of stewards to make introductions at public balls; it is the +exception, and not the rule, for stewards to introduce persons to each +other who are strangers to themselves. + +Society objects, and the stewards object, to making promiscuous +introductions, on the following grounds: first, as regards the chaperon, +whether mother or relative, who has the charge of a young lady; then as +regards a young lady herself; and last, but not least, as regards the +position occupied by the steward himself. A chaperon naturally looks and +feels displeased when a steward who is a stranger to herself offers to +introduce a man who is evidently a stranger to him, which fact she +gathers by his saying, "This gentleman wishes to be introduced to your +daughter," or by his asking the stranger his name before making the +introduction. A chaperon is responsible for the acquaintances a young +lady forms while under her charge at a ball, and if amongst her own +friends and acquaintances she cannot find partners for her, she would +prefer that she spent a comparatively dull evening than that she should +run the risk of forming undesirable acquaintances. + +Young ladies have not always the discretion possessed by their elders, +or sufficient knowledge of the world to do the right thing. Thus, some +young ladies would either coldly decline the introductions, or if the +introductions were made, would as coldly decline to dance, whilst +others, anxious to dance, would accept both the introductions and the +partners, and take their chance as to whether their brothers would like +to see them dancing with strangers thus introduced. A steward himself +particularly dislikes to be made responsible for a man he does not know; +and whether a chaperon and a young lady are old friends of his, or +whether they are merely new acquaintances, they equally trust to his +not introducing men to them whom they would not care to know, and of +whom he knows nothing save that they have solicited an introduction to +them. + +Very few stewards care to accost a lady whom they merely know by sight +and by name for the purpose of introducing a stranger; they prefer to +decline to make the introduction, on the plea of not having the honour +of the lady's acquaintance. + +Stewards consider that the position of a young man must be a peculiar +one, and his presence at a ball somewhat of an anomaly, if he does not +possess an acquaintance in the room, through whom he can become known to +one or other of the stewards, or through whom he can be introduced to +any particular lady with whom he may desire to dance. + +When a gentleman is introduced to a young lady at a public ball, it +generally means that he is introduced to her as a partner, and that +though he may not ask her for the next dance, he will for a subsequent +one, or that he will at least offer to take her in to supper, or, if +earlier in the evening, to give her some tea, or if she declines these +civilities, that he will continue a conversation with her until the next +dance commences, or until a dance is over. When a gentleman does neither +of these things, but walks away as soon as the introduction is made, it +is a proof how little he desired it, and that doubtless the option was +not given him of refusing it. + +Good-natured friends of both sexes know how difficult it is to get +partners for well-dressed, well-mannered, good-looking girls at a ball, +unless they are more than ordinarily attractive in some way or other, in +which case they are popular and sought after, and the only difficulty +rests with the young ladies themselves as to how they shall best +apportion the dances so as to satisfy their numerous partners, or +persuade their chaperons to stay for one more dance which they have +promised to, etc. + +It is a well-known fact in the ball-going world that the majority of +young men insist upon being introduced to the most popular girls in a +ball-room, and refuse being introduced to one who does not appear to +have plenty of partners. + +Public balls are in reality made up of a number of small parties and +different sets, each set or party being entirely independent of the +other. + +At county balls the county people take large house-parties, and each +house-party does or does not mingle with other house-parties, according +to standing or inclination. + +If three large house-parties join forces at a ball they form a very +imposing majority; but there are other sets in the same ball-room, +dancing to the same band and adjourning to the same supper-room, equally +apart and equally distinct. + +At balls held at watering-places, although the residents do not take +large house-parties, yet they join forces with those residents with whom +they are acquainted, reinforced by friends who come down purposely to be +present at the ball. Thus, on the face of it, a steward's introductions +cannot fail to be ill-received, in whatever set he may be coerced into +making them; and it is well understood that introductions, to prove +acceptable, should only be made through friends and acquaintances, and +even then with tact and judgment. + +As the stewards of a ball are usually the most influential gentlemen in +the place, it naturally follows that they are acquainted with many, if +not with all, of the principal people present, therefore when they make +introductions it is not by virtue of their office, but simply as a +matter of friendship, and through being personally acquainted with those +introduced by them. + +Introductions out of doors are rather a matter of inclination than not, +as, for instance, when a lady is walking with another lady to whom she +is on a visit she should introduce any friends to her hostess she might +happen to meet, and her hostess should do likewise if time and +opportunity offer for so doing; should any reason exist for not making +an introduction on the part of either lady, it should be explained when +they are again alone, as were either of the ladies to exclude the other +from the conversation it would be considered discourteous towards the +one excluded. When two ladies accidentally meet when out walking, and +are subsequently joined by two or more ladies, introductions should not +be made by either of the ladies, unless some special reason exists for +so doing. A lady, as a rule, should not introduce gentlemen to each +other unless one of them is her host, when it would be correct to do so. + + +=How to act on the Occasion of an Introduction= is determined almost +entirely upon the reason for its being made, and by whom and to whom the +person is introduced. Even the _locale_ has something to do with it, and +thus a variety of issues are raised, upon which an instantaneous +judgment has to be given. The mind has to travel with lightning rapidity +over the ground to arrive at a correct course of action; but the mind +does not always respond to the call made upon it: it hesitates, and acts +not upon the outcome of reflection, but upon the spur of the moment. + + +=The Received Rule is not to shake hands=, but merely to bow on being +introduced; but this rule under certain circumstances would not meet the +case; it would disappoint the one introducing and the one introduced. +For instance if a relative of the former is the person introduced a bow +would be a very chilling response to the introduction made; to shake +hands, on the contrary, would be the correct thing to do, and both +persons should offer at the same moment this cordial recognition. On the +other hand, if a casual introduction is made without any premeditation, +and those introduced are totally unknown to each other, an exchange of +bows is all that is required of them. + + +=Amongst the Exceptions for not merely bowing= on being introduced are +the introductions made between young ladies and elderly ones, and +between young ladies themselves. An elderly lady, as a general rule, +shakes hands with a girl introduced to her with the idea of being +cordial and kind, not to say condescending, and girls generally shake +hands with each other in place of bowing, as acquaintanceships formed by +them have not the importance that attaches to those of older ladies; +besides, a greater readiness to make friends is the privilege and +characteristic of youth. + + +=Men take very much the Same View= as regards introductions as do +women--that is to say, if an introduction is made by a relative of the +man introduced, the men would shake hands and not merely bow. This holds +equally good where intimate friends are concerned: they almost rank on +the footing of relations, and a cordial reception is given to an +introduction thus made. When casual introductions are made of necessity +rather than of intention men do not shake hands. When "I think you have +met A." or "I think you know Mr. A." is said--the one by a host and the +other by a hostess--nothing further is required from either than a bow +and a smile of acquiescence accepting the introduction and a disclaimer +is not expected if "Mr. A." is not actually known. The uncertainty is an +excuse for making the introduction. + + +=Ladies do not rise from their Seats on being introduced either at an +"At Home"= or before dinner is announced, or after dinner, or when +calling when people are introduced to them, or when they themselves are +introduced. Half an exception occurs, it is true, at crowded "at homes," +when to rise and talk to the lady introduced is almost a necessity: +there is no vacant seat for her to take, and, therefore, if both do not +stand, conversation is at a deadlock, as the few first conventional +remarks made by either are lost in the general buzz going on around; +also, it is awkward and ungraceful for a lady to bend over one seated +for the purpose of saying a few platitudes. "Introductory remarks," or +remarks following upon introductions, have too often a melancholy ring +of commonplaceness about them and are distinctly trite. How can they be +otherwise? To venture out of the commonplace into originality would be +suspicious of eccentricity, and no one wishes to be considered a little +odd. + + +=Before and after Dinner, when Introductions are made= between ladies it +is to those seated near to each other, and, therefore, there would be no +occasion to rise, as there might be at an "at home." There is no +question of a lady rising from her seat when a man is introduced to her, +unless that man is her host, when she should rise and shake hands with +him, or a clerical dignity--a bishop for instance, if opportunity allows +of it, and on a semi-official occasion. This question does not trouble +men, as they are usually found standing, or they are brought up to a +person to be introduced, and even if a man ventures upon sitting down at +an "at home," or before dinner is announced, he springs to his feet with +alacrity when any approach is made in the matter of introducing him to a +fellow guest. + + +=Introductions often have to be made at Afternoon Calls=, supposing that +two or three callers only are present and the hostess feels that she +must render the talk general by making some kind of introduction, direct +or indirect, as she thinks best. The ladies thus introduced remain +seated and bow. They do not shake hands even under the exceptional +conditions previously referred to, but they would at once join in the +talk that passes for conversation, and on departure would shake hands +with the relative in question after having shaken hands with the hostess +and having expressed pleasure at meeting this near relative--mother or +sister, or whoever she may happen to be. + + +=Introductions between Callers= made under enforced circumstances have +not much bearing on future acquaintance. Those introduced pass so short +a time in each other's company, and know practically nothing of each +other's surroundings, that they are uncertain whether at future meetings +they ought to recollect that such introductions have taken place, and +whether they should bow or forget. Actually it would be correct to bow +if the opportunity is given so to do, but unless the wish to bestow +recognition is mutual it is of little avail if grudgingly given, and it +would be worse still were it withheld. Some people have short memories +for faces, and others are short-sighted, and both these drawbacks have +to be reckoned with when expecting recognition from a person to whom one +has been thus introduced. + + + + +CHAPTER III + +LEAVING CARDS + + +The etiquette of card-leaving is a privilege which society places in the +hands of ladies to govern and determine their acquaintanceships and +intimacies, to regulate and decide whom they will, and whom they will +not visit, whom they will admit into their friendship, and whom they +will keep on the most distant footing, whose acquaintance they wish +further to cultivate and whose to discontinue. + +It would seem that the act of leaving cards is but imperfectly +understood, and that many erroneous impressions prevail respecting the +actual use of visiting cards. The object of leaving cards is to signify +that a call has been made, due civility shown, and a like civility +expected in return. + +Leaving cards, or card-leaving, is one of the most important of social +observances, as it is the ground-work or nucleus in general society of +all acquaintanceships. Leaving cards, according to etiquette, is the +first step towards forming, or towards enlarging, a circle of +acquaintances, and the non-fulfilment of the prescribed rules is a sure +step in the opposite direction. The following is the received code of +card-leaving in all its details according to the etiquette observed in +good society by both ladies and gentlemen, and should be faithfully +followed. + + +=A Lady's Visiting Card= should be printed in small, clear copper-plate +script, and free from any kind of embellishment as regards ornamental +or Old English letters. It should not be a thin card, and should be +three inches and five eighths in width, and slightly under two and a +half in depth. + +The name of the lady should be printed in the centre of the card, and +her address in the left-hand corner. If she has a second address, it +should be printed in the opposite corner of the card. If the second +address is but a temporary one, it is usually written and not printed. + +A married lady should never use her christian name on a card, but she +should use her husband's christian name before her surname if his father +or elder brother is living. + +It is now considered old-fashioned for husbands and wives to have their +names printed on the same card, although at watering-places, the +practice of having the two names on the same card, "Mr. and Mrs. Dash," +is still occasionally followed; but even when these cards are used, a +lady and gentleman still require separate cards of their own. + +A lady having a large acquaintance should keep a visiting book, in which +to enter the names of her acquaintances, and the date when their cards +were left upon her, with the dates of her return cards left upon them, +that she might know whether a card were due to her from them, or whether +it were due to them from her. + +A lady having a small acquaintance would find a memorandum book +sufficient for the purpose; a line should be drawn down the centre of +every page, dividing it into two columns, the one column for the names, +and the opposite column for the dates of the calls made and returned. + +Leaving cards principally devolves upon the mistress of a house; a wife +should leave cards for her husband, as well as for herself; and a +daughter for her father. The master of a house has little or no +card-leaving to do, beyond leaving cards upon his bachelor friends. + +In the country it is otherwise, and those who return home are called +upon by their friends and acquaintances in the first instance, unless +under exceptional circumstances. + +Ladies arriving in town should leave cards on their acquaintances and +friends to intimate that they have returned. + +Visiting cards should be left in person, and should not be sent by post, +although in town, when the distance is considerable, it is tacitly +allowed; but, as a rule, ladies invariably leave their cards themselves. +On arriving in town for the season ladies having a large acquaintance +often send their visiting cards to their various friends and +acquaintances by a man-servant or through a stationer. + + +=The Routine of Card-leaving.=--As regards the routine of card-leaving. +When driving, a lady should desire her footman to inquire if the +mistress of the house at which she is calling is "at home." If not "at +home," and it is a first call, she should hand him _three_ cards--_one_ +of her own, and _two_ of her husband's. Her card is left for the +mistress of the house, and her husband's cards for both master and +mistress. + +If not a first call a lady should leave one only of her husband's cards +if his acquaintance with her friend's husband is an intimate one and +they are in the habit of meeting frequently. If, on the contrary, they +know each other but slightly, and meet but seldom, then two of his cards +should be left. This, however, not on every occasion of calling. + +When a lady is merely leaving cards, she should hand the three cards to +her servant, saying, "For Mrs. ----." This ensures the cards being left +at the right address, and is the correct formula for the occasion. + +When a lady is walking, and finds the mistress of the house at which she +calls is "not at home," she should act as above. + +When a lady intends making a call she should ask if "Mrs. ---- is at +home?" And if the answer is in the affirmative, she should, after making +the call, leave _two_ of her husband's cards on the hall table, and +neither put them in the card-basket nor leave them on the drawing-room +table, nor offer them to her hostess, all of which would be very +incorrect; but she might on reaching the hall hand them to the +man-servant silently, or she might send them in by her own servant when +seated in her carriage, saying, "For Mr. and Mrs. Smith." She should not +leave her _own_ card on the hall table, as, having seen the lady of the +house, the reason for doing so no longer exists.[1] + +When a lady calling is accompanied by her husband and the mistress of +the house is at home, the husband should leave one of his cards only, +for the absent master of the house; when the master of the house is at +home also, a card in that case should not be left. + +When the mistress of a house has a grown-up daughter or daughters, the +lady leaving cards should turn down one corner of her visiting card--the +right-hand corner generally--to include the daughter or daughters in the +call. This custom of turning down a corner of a visiting card signifies +that other ladies of the family besides the hostess are included in the +call. A foreigner turns down the _end_ of a card instead of one corner +only, which has not the same signification. It is to denote that he has +left it in person. + +A lady should not leave one of her husband's cards for the daughters of +the house, but she not unfrequently leaves his card for the grown-up +sons of the house. + +When a lady intends leaving cards on a friend who is the guest of some +one with whom she is unacquainted, she should only leave cards for her +friend and not for her friend's hostess; but if she is slightly +acquainted with her friend's hostess, she should leave cards upon her +on the occasion of her first visit to her friend, but it would not be +necessary to do so at every subsequent visit, especially if they were of +frequent occurrence. + +Young ladies should not have visiting cards of their own; their names +should be printed beneath that of their mother on her card. In the case +of there being no mother living, the daughter's name should be printed +beneath that of her father on the usual lady's visiting card, but never +on the smaller cards used by gentlemen. When young ladies are taken out +into society by relatives or friends, their names should be written in +pencil under the names of the ladies chaperoning them on their visiting +cards. + +Maiden ladies of a certain age should have visiting cards of their own, +but until a young lady has attained what is termed a certain age, it +argues no little independence of action to have a card of her own; but +when she no longer requires chaperonage, she is entitled to a card of +her own, being clearly her own mistress, and able to choose her own +acquaintances. + +When a young lady is on a visit unaccompanied by her parents, and wishes +to call on ladies with whom the lady she is staying with is +unacquainted, she should leave her mother's card on which her own name +is also printed, and should draw a pencil through her mother's name to +intimate that she was not with her on that occasion. + +Cards should always be returned within a week if possible, or ten days +at latest, after they have been left, but to do so within a week is more +courteous. And care must be taken to return the "call" or "cards" +according to the etiquette observed by the person making the call or +leaving the card; that is to say, that a "call" must _not_ be returned +by a card only, or a "card" by a "call." This is a point ladies should +be very punctilious about. + +Should a lady of higher rank return a card by a "call," asking if the +mistress of the house were "at home," her so doing would be in strict +etiquette; and should she return a "call" by a card only, it should be +understood that she wished the acquaintance to be of the slightest; and +should a lady call upon an acquaintance of higher rank than herself, who +had only left a card upon her, her doing so would be a breach of +etiquette. + +In large establishments the hall porter enters the names of all callers +in a book expressly kept for the purpose, while some ladies merely +desire their servant to sort the cards left for them. + +The name of the lady or gentleman for whom the cards are intended should +never be written on the cards left at a house. The only case in which it +should be done would be when cards are left on a lady or a gentleman +staying at a crowded hotel, when, to save confusion, and to ensure their +receiving them, their names should be written on them thus: "For Mr. and +Mrs. Smith." But this would be quite an exceptional case, otherwise to +do so would be extremely vulgar. + + +=Leaving Cards after Entertainments.=--Visiting cards should be left +after the following entertainments: balls, receptions, private +theatricals, amateur concerts, and dinners, by those who have been +invited, whether the invitations have been accepted or not, and should +be left the day after the entertainment if possible, and certainly +within the week according to the rules of card-leaving already +described. On these occasions cards should be left without inquiry as to +whether the hostess is at home, although after a dinner-party it is the +rule to ask if she is at home, as to dine at a house denotes a greater +intimacy than being present at a large gathering. If the hostess were +not at home, cards should be left. + +If a lady has been but once present at any entertainment, whether the +invitation came through a mutual friend or direct from the hostess +herself, the hostess being but a slight acquaintance of her own, besides +leaving cards on her the day following, she can, if she desires, leave +cards on her the following season, or, if residing in the same town, +within a reasonable time of the entertainment; but if these cards are +not acknowledged by cards being left in return, she should of course +understand that the acquaintance is to proceed no further. + +A lady should not leave cards on another lady to whom she has but +recently been introduced at a dinner-party or afternoon tea; for +instance, she must meet her several times in society, and feel sure that +her acquaintance is desired, before venturing to leave cards. If two +ladies are of equal rank, tact will be their best guide as to the +advisability of leaving cards or not upon each other; the lady of +superior rank may take the initiative if she pleases. If either of the +ladies express a wish to further the acquaintance by asking the other to +call upon her, the suggestion should come from the lady of highest rank; +if of equal rank it is immaterial as to which first makes the +suggestion. But in either case the call should be paid within the week. + + +=Leaving Cards upon New-comers.=--In the country the residents should be +the first to leave cards on the new-comers, after ascertaining the +position which the new-comers occupy in society. + +Persons moving in the same sphere should either leave cards or call +according as they intend to be ceremonious or friendly, and the return +visits should be paid in like manner, a card for a card, a call for a +call. + +It is the received rule that residents should call on new-comers, +although having no previous acquaintance with them, or introductions to +them. + +New-comers, even if of higher rank, should not call on residents in the +first instance, but should wait until the residents have taken the +initiative. If residents do not wish to continue the acquaintance after +the first meeting, it is discontinued by not leaving cards, or by not +calling again, and if the new-comers feel disinclined to continue the +acquaintance they should return the calls by leaving cards only. Calling +on new-comers in the country should not be done indiscriminately, and +due consideration should be paid to individual status in society. + +The lady of highest social position in the circle to which the +new-comers belong generally takes the responsibility of calling first on +the new-comers. By new-comers is expressed persons who intend to reside +in a county or town for a long, or even for a short period, and who are +not casual visitors in the place. + +The custom of residents calling on new-comers is entirely confined to +county society, and does not apply to residents in large towns and +populous watering-places. + +In old cathedral cities and quiet country towns, far from the +metropolis, on the contrary, the rule holds good of residents calling on +new-comers. + + +=Cards "To Inquire."=--Cards to inquire after friends during their +illness should be left in person, and should not be sent by post; but +they may be sent by a servant. On a lady's visiting card should be +written above the printed name: "To inquire after Mrs. Smith." When the +person inquired after is sufficiently recovered to return thanks in +person, the usual visiting card, with "many thanks for kind inquiries," +written above the printed name, is the usual mode of returning thanks, +and is all-sufficient for the purpose. + + +=P.P.C. Cards.=--Formerly P.P.C. cards were left within a week of +departure, or within ten days if the acquaintance was a large one. + +The letters P.P.C. for _pour prendre conge_, written at the lower corner +of visiting cards, indicate departure from town or from a neighbourhood. +P.P.C. cards may be left in person or sent by a servant; they can also +be sent by post. The object of leaving P.P.C. cards is to avoid +leave-takings and correspondence concerning departure, and to prevent +offence being given if letters and invitations remained unanswered. + +In the country an absence of from three to six months renders leaving +P.P.C. cards somewhat necessary; under that period it would be +unnecessary to give notice of a temporary absence which does not amount +to an actual departure. Short absences render it unnecessary to leave +P.P.C. cards. Holiday movements at Christmas, Easter, and Whitsuntide +are thoroughly recognised, and no leave-taking is obligatory. P.P.C. +cards are now seldom if ever left in town. + + +=Business Calls.=--When a lady makes a strictly business call upon +either a lady or gentleman she should give her card to the servant to be +taken to his master or mistress, but on no other occasion should she do +so. + + +=Gentlemen's Visiting Cards.=--A gentleman's card should be thin--thick +cards are not in good taste--and not glazed, and of the usual narrow +width, _i.e._ one and a half inches in depth, and three inches in width; +his name should be printed in the centre, thus: "Mr. Smith" or "Mr. +Francis Smith," should he require the addition of his christian name to +distinguish him from his father or elder brother. To have "Francis +Smith" printed on the card without the prefix of "Mr." would be in bad +taste. + +Initials appertaining to honorary rank should never be written or +printed on a card, such as D.L., K.C., M.P., K.C.B., M.D., etc. Military +or professional titles necessarily precede the surname of the person +bearing them, and are always used, such as "Colonel Smith," "Captain +Smith," "Rev. H. Smith," "Dr. Smith," etc. + +As regards titles, "The Honourable" is the only title that is not used +on a visiting card. Thus "The Honourable Henry Smith's" card should bear +the words "Mr. Henry Smith" only. + +A Baronet's card should be printed thus, "Sir George Smith," and a +Knight's card thus, "Sir Charles Smith." A gentleman's address should be +printed in the left hand corner of the card. If a member of a club, it +is usual to print the name of the club at the right hand. Officers +usually have the name of the club printed at the left hand corner in the +place of the address, and the regiment to which they belong at the right +hand. + +Cards should be printed in small copper-plate script, without +ornamentation of any kind. Old English letters look old-fashioned on a +card, and are but little used; and ornamental capital letters are never +used, and are out of date. The lettering should be as plain and as free +from any sort of embellishment as it well can be. + + +=The Routine of Card-leaving for Gentlemen.=--To bachelors card-leaving +is an irksome routine of etiquette, and is, therefore, in a measure +often neglected, by reason of their having little or no leisure at +command during the afternoon hours. This is now thoroughly understood +and accepted in general society. When, however, a bachelor has his way +to make in society and has leisure to further the acquaintanceships he +has already made, he should follow the rules of card-leaving. + +Bachelors, as a rule, are expected to leave cards on the master and +mistress of a house with whom they are acquainted as soon as they are +aware that the family have arrived in town; or if a bachelor himself has +been away, he should leave cards on his acquaintances immediately after +his return. He should leave one card for the mistress of the house and +one for its master. + +A gentleman should not turn down a corner of his card, even though he +may be acquainted with other ladies of the family besides the mistress +of the house. A gentleman should not leave a card for the young +daughters of the house, or for any young relative of its mistress who +might be staying with her; but if a married couple with whom he is +acquainted were staying with the friends on whom he is calling, he +should leave two cards for them, one for the wife and one for the +husband, and should tell the servant for whom they are intended. + +As regards leaving cards upon new acquaintances, a gentleman should not +leave his card upon a married lady, or the mistress of a house, to whom +he has been introduced, however gracious or agreeable she has been to +him, unless she expressly asks him to call, or gives him to understand +in an unmistakable manner that his doing so would be agreeable to her. +This rule holds good, whether the introduction has taken place at a +dinner-party, at a ball, at an "at home," at a country-house gathering, +or elsewhere; he would not be entitled to leave his card on her on such +slight acquaintanceship; as, if she desired his further acquaintance, +she would make some polite allusion to his calling at her house, in +which case he should leave his card on her as soon afterwards as +convenient, and he should also leave a card for the master of the house, +the lady's husband or father (as the case may be), even if he had not +made his acquaintance when making that of the lady. + +A gentleman should not leave a card on a young lady to whom he has been +introduced, but upon her mother or the relative with whom she is +residing. + +When the acquaintance existing between gentlemen is but slight, they +should occasionally leave cards upon each other, especially when they do +not move in the same circle, and are not otherwise likely to meet; it +generally follows that the one who most desires the acquaintanceship is +the one to leave his card first, always supposing that the strength of +the acquaintance would warrant his so doing. The one of highest rank +should be the one to intimate that he desires the acquaintance of the +other; if the rank be equal, it is a matter of inclination which calls +first. + +The rules of etiquette, though stringent as regards acquaintances, have +little or no application as regards intimate friends; friendship +overrules etiquette. + +When a bachelor has a number of intimate friends, very little +card-leaving is required from him as far as they are concerned. + + +=Leaving Cards after Entertainments.=--In the event of a gentleman +receiving an invitation to an entertainment from an acquaintance, or +from a new acquaintance, or through some mutual friend, he should leave +his cards at the house within a week or ten days after the +entertainment, one for the mistress and one for the master of the house, +whether he has accepted the invitation or not. Between friends this rule +is greatly relaxed. + +It is usual for a gentleman to leave his cards on the host or on the +hostess, after every entertainment to which he has been invited by them, +whether it be a dinner-party, or ball, or "at home," etc. Whether he has +been present or not, the fact of his having been invited by them obliges +him to pay them this civility, although great latitude as regards time +is now accorded in general society with regard to this particular rule. + +If invited by a new acquaintance, the cards should be left a few days +after the entertainment, but if by a less recent acquaintance they +should be left within ten days or a fortnight, but the earlier the cards +are left the greater the politeness shown. + +If a bachelor acquaintance gives an entertainment, the same rule applies +as to the necessity of cards being left on him by those gentlemen but +slightly acquainted with him who have been invited to the entertainment. + +When a gentleman has been invited to an entertainment given at the house +of a new acquaintance, whether the acquaintance be a lady or a +gentleman, it would be etiquette for him to leave his card upon them on +their arrival in town or elsewhere, even though they may not have +invited him to any subsequent entertainment given by them within the +year. If during the following year they do not again invite him, he +might consider the acquaintance at an end and cease to call. These +complimentary calls made, or rather cards left, should not average more +than four during the year. + + +=Memorial Cards= are out of date in society, and consequently should not +be sent to either relatives or friends. + +A widow should not make use of her christian name on her visiting cards +to distinguish her from other members of her late husband's family. Her +cards should be printed as during his lifetime. + + +FOOTNOTES: + +[1] It is, however, permissible on the occasion of a _first_ call to +say, "I shall leave my card in the hall to remind you of my address"; or +some such phrase. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +PAYING CALLS + + +Ladies stand upon strict and ceremonious etiquette with each other as +regards both paying and receiving calls. Ignorance or neglect of the +rules which regulate paying calls, brings many inconveniences in its +train; for instance, when a lady neglects to pay a call due to an +acquaintance, she runs the risk of herself and daughters being excluded +from entertainments given by the said acquaintance. + +When a call has not been made within a reasonable time, a coldness is +apt to arise between ladies but slightly acquainted with each other. +Some ladies take this omission good-naturedly or indifferently, while +with others the acquaintance merges into a mere bowing acquaintance to +be subsequently dropped altogether. + +The first principle of calling is, that those who are the first to +arrive in town should be the _first_ to call upon their acquaintances to +intimate their return. + +"Morning calls," so designated on account of their being made before +dinner, are, more strictly speaking, "afternoon calls," as they should +only be made between the hours of three and six o'clock. + +Calls made in the morning--that is before one o'clock--would not come +under the denomination of "morning calls," as they can only be made by +intimate friends and not by acquaintances, and are not, therefore, +amenable to the rules of etiquette which govern the afternoon calls, +which calls are regulated in a great measure--as to the hour of +calling--by the exact degree of intimacy existing between the person who +calls and the person called upon. From three to four o'clock is the +ceremonious hour for calling; from four to five o'clock is the +semi-ceremonious hour; and from five to six o'clock is the wholly +friendly and without ceremony hour. + +If a lady is driving when she calls at the house of an acquaintance, she +should say to her servant, "Ask if Mrs. A---- is at home." + +When a lady is walking, she should ask the same question herself. + +When the answer is in the negative, she should leave one of her own +cards and one of her husband's, and should say to the servant, "For Mr. +and Mrs. A----." + +When the answer is in the affirmative, the lady should enter the house +without further remark and follow the servant to the drawing-room. + +The servant should go before the visitor, to lead the way to the +drawing-room, and, however accustomed a visitor may be to a house, it is +still the proper etiquette for the servant to lead the way, and announce +him or her to his mistress; and this rule should not be dispensed with, +except in the case of very near relations or very intimate friends. + +At the drawing-room door the servant waits for a moment until the +visitor has reached the landing, when the visitor should give his or her +name to the servant, "Mr. A----" or "Mrs. A----," should the servant be +unacquainted with it. + +If the visitor calling bears the title of "Honourable" it should not be +mentioned by him or her to the servant when giving the name, neither +should it be mentioned by the servant when announcing the visitor. + +All titles are given in full by the servants of those who bear them, +thus: "The Duke and Duchess of A----," "The Marquis and Marchioness of +B----," "The Earl and Countess of C----," "Viscount and Viscountess +D----," "Lord and Lady E----," etc.; but a marchioness, a countess, or a +viscountess when giving her name to be announced at a morning call would +style herself "Lady A----" only. + +A gentleman or lady should never give his or her visiting card to the +servant when the mistress of the house is at home. + +A servant should not knock at the drawing-room door when announcing +visitors. The servant, on opening the drawing-room door, should stand +inside the doorway, he should not stand behind the door, but well into +the room; facing the mistress of the house if possible, and should say, +"Mr. A----," or "Mrs. A----." + +When the mistress of the house is not in the drawing-room when a visitor +arrives, the visitor should seat herself and rise at her entrance. + +Visitors should not make any inquiries of the servant as to how long his +mistress will be, or where she is, or what she is doing, etc. Visitors +are not expected to converse with the servants of their acquaintances, +and should not enter into conversation with them. + +Formerly a gentleman when calling, took his hat and stick in his hand +with him into the drawing-room, and held them until he had seen the +mistress of the house and shaken hands with her. He either placed them +on a chair or table near at hand or held them in his hand, according as +to whether he felt at ease or the reverse, until he took his leave. Many +middle-aged and elderly men still follow this fashion in a degree, and +take their hats and sticks into the drawing-room when making formal +calls. + +The newer fashion amongst younger men is to leave their hats and sticks +in the hall and not to take them into the drawing-room with them when +calling. To do this is now very general, as hats are in the way if tea +is going on; besides, men were apt to forget where they placed their +hats, and frequently had to return to the drawing-room in search of +them. + +At "at homes," small afternoon teas, luncheons, dinners, etc., the rule +is the same, and hats are left in the hall by invited guests. + +A gentleman should not take his stick or umbrella with him into the +drawing-room, but leave it in the hall. + +When gentlemen wear gloves, they can take them off or keep them on as +they please, it is immaterial which they do, but when a call is made +when tea is going on, it is more usual to take them off. + +When the mistress of the house is in the drawing-room when a visitor is +announced--and she should so arrange her occupations as always to be +found there on the afternoons when she intends being "at home" should +visitors call--she should rise, come forward, and shake hands with her +visitor. She should not ask her visitor to be seated, or to "take a +seat," but she might say, "Where will you sit?" or, "Will you sit here?" +or something to this effect; and should at once sit down and expect her +visitor to do the same, as near to herself as possible. + +Both hostess and visitor should guard against displaying a fussy +demeanour during a morning call, as a morning call is oftener than not a +_tete-a-tete_, and a _tete-a-tete_ between two persons but slightly +acquainted with each other requires a considerable amount of tact and +_savoir vivre_ to be sustained with ease and self-possession. A fussy +woman is without repose, without dignity, and without _savoir vivre_. + +A hostess betrays that she is not much accustomed to society when she +attempts to amuse her visitor by the production of albums, photographs, +books, illustrated newspapers, portfolios of drawings, the artistic +efforts of the members of the family, and the like; conversation being +all that is necessary, without having recourse to pictorial displays. + +If not intimate enough to refer to family matters, the conversation +should turn on light topics of the hour.[2] + +People unused to society are apt to fall back upon the above +adventitious aids. A hostess should rely solely upon her own powers of +conversation to make the short quarter of an hour--which is the limit of +a ceremonious call--pass pleasantly to her visitor. The hostess should +not offer her visitor any refreshments, wine and cake, for instance. No +refreshments whatever, save tea, should be offered to morning visitors; +they are not supposed to require them. + +In the country it is customary to offer sherry to gentlemen callers, and +to order tea for the ladies, even though the call is made rather early +in the afternoon, and a little before the hour for having tea. + +Ceremonious visits are usually paid before the hour of half-past four; +but if tea is brought in while the visitor is in the drawing-room, or if +the visitor calls while the hostess is having tea, she should naturally +offer her visitor tea. + +When the mistress of the house only expects a few callers, "tea" is +placed on a small table--a silver tray being generally used for the +purpose. The hostess should pour out the tea herself; when a gentleman +is present, he should hand the cups to the visitors or visitor, +otherwise the hostess should herself do so, and then hand the sugar and +cream, without asking whether her visitors will have either, unless she +is preparing the cups of tea herself, in which case she should ask the +question. + +When a second visitor arrives, ten or fifteen minutes after the first +visitor, the first visitor should take her leave as soon as she +conveniently can. When the second visitor is a lady, the hostess should +rise and shake hands with her, and then seat herself; the first visitor, +if a lady, should not rise; if a gentleman, he should do so. + +A hostess should also rise and come forward when a gentleman is +announced; this gives her an opportunity of talking to him for a few +moments on his first entering the room. The second visitor should at +once seat him or herself near to the hostess. + +She should introduce the callers to each other unless she has some +especial reason for not doing so. She could, however, in the course of +conversation merely mention the name of each caller, so that each may +become aware of the name of the other. This is now often done when +formal introductions are not made. If the hostess possesses tact, and a +facility and readiness of speech, she should skilfully draw both callers +into the conversation (a subject which is fully enlarged upon in "The +Art of Conversing"). The hostess should not take this latter course +unless aware that the two visitors would be likely to appreciate each +other. + +When one visitor arrives immediately after the other, the hostess should +converse equally with both visitors, and the lady who was the first to +arrive should be the first to leave, after a call of from ten to fifteen +minutes. When only one visitor is present the hostess should accompany +her to the door of the drawing-room, and linger for a few moments, +whilst the visitor is descending the stairs. To do so would not be +imperative, but it would be courteous. When the host is present he +should accompany the lady downstairs into the hall; this also is an +optional civility, and greatly depends upon the estimation in which the +lady is held by host and hostess. + +When two visitors are present the hostess should rise and shake hands +with the departing visitor; but unless a person of greater consideration +than the visitor who still remained seated, she should not accompany her +to the drawing-room door. + +One visitor should not rise from her seat when another is about to take +her leave. When visitors are acquainted with each other they should rise +and shake hands. When one of the visitors is a gentleman he should rise, +even if unacquainted with the lady who is about to take her leave; he +should not remain seated when the hostess is standing. + +When two visitors, either two ladies or two gentlemen, have slightly +conversed with each other during a morning call, they should not shake +hands with each other on leaving, but should merely bow. When they have +not spoken to each other, they should not bow. + +When they have been formally introduced they should still only bow, +unless the acquaintance has progressed into sudden intimacy through +previous knowledge of each other. + +When one of the visitors present is a gentleman he should open the +drawing-room door for the departing visitor, but he should not accompany +her downstairs unless requested by the hostess to do so; the visitor +should bow to him and thank him, but not shake hands with him. + +When the hostess has shaken hands with a guest, and before crossing the +room with her, she should ring the drawing-room bell, that the servant +may be in readiness in the hall to open the door. She should ring the +bell even if the host were accompanying the lady downstairs. It would be +thoughtless on the part of the hostess to forget to ring the bell to +give notice to the servant that a visitor was leaving. + +In the country, the caller before rising to depart sometimes asks if she +may ring for her motor-car to come round. When the hostess is in reach +of the bell, she should ring it for her; when a gentleman is present, he +should do so. On the servant's entrance, the caller should say, "My +motor-car, please!" + +When a lady is calling on a friend, the guest of some one with whom she +herself is unacquainted, or even but slightly acquainted, she should in +both cases ask if her friend is at home, and not if the mistress of the +house is at home; and having paid her visit, on leaving the house she +should leave cards for its mistress if she is slightly acquainted with +her, but should not do so if she is unacquainted with her. + +When a lady has a guest staying on a visit to her, if convenient, she +should, when her guest expected visitors, absent herself from the +drawing-room at that particular time, unless the expected visitors are +mutual friends of herself and guest. + +If she is in the drawing-room with her guests when a visitor is +announced so as to render an introduction inevitable, a formal +introduction should be made, but the mistress of the house, after a very +few minutes, should make some excuse, quietly leave the room, and not +return until after the departure of the visitor. It would be +inconsiderate were the mistress of the house to remain in the +drawing-room while calls were paid to her guest by strangers to herself +unless at her guest's particular request. When a visitor is a gentleman, +and the guest a young unmarried lady, the mistress of the house should +remain in the drawing-room to chaperon her. + +When the mistress of the house is desirous of making the acquaintance of +any particular friend of her guest, from whom she expected a visit, when +the visit occurs and previous to the visitor taking her leave, the guest +should ask if she will allow her to introduce her to the lady with whom +she is staying. If her visitor desires the introduction, she should then +ring and request the servant to tell his mistress that Mrs. A. is in the +drawing-room, which message the hostess would understand to mean that +her presence is desired, and the introduction would then be made on her +appearing. An introduction, if made in this manner, could become the +basis of a future acquaintance, both ladies having had the option of +refusing the acquaintance of the other if so disposed; whereas a forced +introduction where no option is given would hardly count as the basis of +a future acquaintance unless the ladies thus introduced mutually +appreciated each other. + +In the country a guest seldom has friends and acquaintances in the +neighbourhood, who are unknown to her hostess; if otherwise, the +hostess should give her guest the opportunity of seeing her visitor by +leaving them together when the call is made. + +When a guest is present when the mistress of a house is receiving +callers, she should introduce them to her guest or her guest to them, +according to the rank of either (see Chapter II.). + +When a lady is driving with a friend who is a stranger to the +acquaintance on whom she is calling, she should not take her into the +house with her while she makes her call, unless she is a young lady, or +unless there is some especial reason for introducing the two ladies to +each other, or unless both ladies have expressed a wish to become +acquainted with each other. Husbands and wives occasionally pay calls +together, but oftener they do not. A lady, as a rule, pays a call by +herself, unless she has a grown-up daughter, when she should accompany +her mother. + +Occasionally two ladies, both intimate with the lady of the house, pay +their calls together. A family party, of father and mother and daughter, +or daughters, rarely call in town together, save under very exceptional +circumstances; but in the country a family party of three or four would, +as a matter of course, call together; it is country etiquette to do so. + +A considerable difference exists with regard to "Sunday calls," or +calling on Sundays. Ladies should not pay ceremonious calls on Sundays; +it would not be etiquette for an acquaintance to call on a Sunday, it +would rather be considered a liberty, unless she were expressly asked to +do so. Intimate friends, on the contrary, often make Sunday a special +day for calling, and therefore, ladies and gentlemen--more especially +gentlemen--extend their calling hours from three until six o'clock on +Sundays. + +When a lady is acquainted with the daughters of a family only, and not +with their father or mother, she should call on the daughters, who +should at once introduce her to their mother on the next occasion of +calling. If the mother is not present, the lady calling should leave +cards for her; and at all morning calls, when the daughters of the house +receive a ceremonious visit from an acquaintance, in the absence of +their mother, whether from indisposition or any other cause, cards +should be left for her in the hall before leaving by the lady calling +(see Chapter III.). + +In all cases, when "morning calls" are made, and the lady called on is +not at home, cards should be left according to the etiquette described +in Chapter II., an etiquette which should be strictly observed; when the +lady called on is "at home," cards should be left for the gentlemen of +the family, according to the same rules of card-leaving, which cannot be +too punctiliously followed. + +A mistress of a house should inform her servant after or before +luncheon, or before the hours for calling, whether she intends to be "at +home" to visitors or not during the afternoon. + +"Not at home" is the understood formula expressive of not wishing to see +visitors. + +"Not at home" is not intended to imply an untruth, but rather to signify +that for some reason, or reasons, it is not desirable to see visitors; +and as it would be impossible to explain to acquaintances the why and +the wherefore of its being inconvenient to receive visitors, the formula +of "Not at home" is all-sufficient explanation, provided always that a +servant is able to give a direct answer at once of "Not at home" when +the query is put to him. If a servant is not sure as to whether his +mistress wishes to see visitors or not, it is almost a direct offence to +the lady calling if he hesitates as to his answer, and leaves her either +sitting in her carriage or standing in the hall, while "He will see if +his mistress is 'at home,'" perhaps returning with the unsatisfactory +answer that she is "Not at home"; in which case the intimation is almost +received as a personal exclusion rather than as a general exclusion of +visitors. + +If a lady is dressing to go out when a visitor calls, the servant can +mention that fact to a visitor calling, and offer to ascertain if his +mistress will see the caller; and the caller should use her own +discretion as to whether she will allow him to do so or not; but unless +the visit is one of importance, it would be best in such a case only to +leave cards. + +When a second visitor calls, a servant should not be permitted to say +that his mistress is "engaged with a lady," or "with a gentleman," but +should usher the second caller into the drawing-room, as he has +previously done the first caller. He should not inquire as to whether +his mistress will see the second caller or not. Neither should he inform +the second caller as to whether any one is or is not with his mistress, +as ignorant servants are too apt to do. + +It is not usual to offer coffee at afternoon tea; tea only is given. To +offer coffee is a foreign fashion, and not an English one. + +"Morning" callers should not be conducted to the dining-room to have +tea; and tea is only served in the dining-room on the occasion of a +large afternoon tea, or afternoon "at home," etc. (See chapter on +"Afternoon 'At Homes,'" p. 151.) + +The tea hour varies from 4 to 4.30 o'clock. When callers are present at +4 o'clock, tea should be brought in at that hour. It should be placed +upon a small table, which is first covered with a white linen or damask +tea-cloth. The tea-tray should be large enough to hold, in addition to +the china, silver teapot, etc., an urn for hot water, which should be +brought in and placed upon it. A stand containing hot cakes, an uncut +cake, small cakes, tiny sandwiches, and thin bread-and-butter should be +placed near to the tea-table. Tiny tea-plates should be placed in a pile +upon the tea-tray, they being in general use. The hostess or her +daughter should pour out the tea. + +Apart from the foregoing style of afternoon tea is the newer fashion of +what might be termed "a round-table tea," at which hostess and guests +sit, but this style is more usual at country houses than in town houses +at present, on account of the space required, if for no other reason. +The tea is served in a smaller drawing-room, upon a large round or oval +table, which is covered with a white table-cloth, upon which the +tea-tray with all its contents is placed. Cakes, hot and cold, +sandwiches, pastry, fruit, jam, bread-and-butter, biscuits, dry toast, +etc., are given, and the visitors seated at the table help themselves to +what they require. The hostess pours out the tea and hands the cups as +when guests are not seated in this way. Dessert plates and dessert +knives and forks should be placed on the table beside the small +tea-plates, to be taken as required. + + +FOOTNOTES: + +[2] See work entitled "The Art of Conversing." + + + + +CHAPTER V + +PRECEDENCY + + +The order of precedency due to each individual according to rank is a +matter of great importance at official banquets and at ceremonious +dinner-parties, when its correct observance should be strictly adhered +to. + + +=As regards Precedency amongst Royal Personages=, the Sovereign takes +precedence of all others in the realm; the King takes precedence of +Queen Mary. The Prince of Wales takes precedence of the Duke of +Connaught. Queen Alexandra takes precedence of the Royal Princesses. The +Royal Princesses take precedence of their husbands, Prince Christian and +the Duke of Argyll. + + +=The Precedency accorded to Foreign Royal Personages= in this country +very much depends upon their individual rank. Imperial Highnesses and +Royal Highnesses take precedence of Serene Highnesses. + + +=The Precedency accorded to Eastern Princes= is generally synonymous +with that accorded to Serene Highnesses; but in some instances the +claims of individual precedency are so difficult to define, that in +official cases it is sometimes necessary to make a special rule as to +the amount of precedency to be allowed. + + +=As regards General Precedency=, archbishops, ambassadors, The Lord High +Chancellor, The Prime Minister, Lord Chancellor of Ireland, Lord +President of the Council, and Lord Privy Seal, take precedence of +dukes; dukes take precedence of earls, and so on throughout the various +degrees of nobility. + + +=Foreign Ministers and Envoys= take precedence next after dukes, in the +order of their seniority of service in England. In all cases where +precedency is to be established between persons of equal rank it is +necessary to refer to a Peerage for date of creation of title, as this +actually decides all precedency. + + +=For Precedency due to Baronets= and their wives a Baronetage should be +consulted. + + +=For Precedency due to Knights= and their wives a Knightage should be +consulted in reference to each order of knighthood. + + +=For the Precedency due to the Legal Profession= a Law List should be +consulted when it is not defined by office or birth. + + +=For the Precedency due to the Clergy= a Clergy List should be consulted +when superior preferment or birth does not define it. + + +=For the Precedency due to Officers= in the army and navy an Army List +and a Navy List should be consulted to determine the precedency due to +each in the separate Services. + + +=Officers should be sent in to Dinner= according to the dates of +commission, but no branch of the Army takes precedence over the other as +regards rank of officers; that is to say, a colonel of 1901, of say, a +West India regiment, would precede a colonel of Guards, artillery or +cavalry of 1902 promotion. Drawn up on a brigade parade, the cavalry +take the right of the line; thus: Artillery, Royal Engineers, foot +guards and regular regiments, regiments and West India regiments, in the +order named in the Army List. + + +=As regards Precedency between Officers= of the combined Services a +table of "Relative Rank and Precedency in the Army and Navy" should be +consulted, as a captain in the navy after three years' service ranks +with a colonel in the army, a lieutenant of the navy of eight years' +standing ranks with a major in the army, and a lieutenant under that +standing in the navy, ranks with a captain in the army, etc. + +Consulate officers also take precedence according to seniority of +service in England and date of official arrival. The Foreign Office List +of the current year should be consulted for date in each instance. + + +=As regards the Precedence due to Widows= bearing titles who have +married again: The widow of a peer married to a commoner retains her +title by courtesy, and the precedency due to the title is accorded to +her. + + +=When the Widow of a Duke= marries a person of lower rank than that of +her late husband, she still retains her precedency. + + +=The Daughter of a Peer= if married to a baronet or a commoner retains +her precedency, but if married to a baron her precedency is merged in +that of her husband. + + +=The Widow of a Baronet= married to a commoner retains her title by +right and not by courtesy. + + +=The Widow of a Knight= married to a commoner retains her title by +courtesy only, but the precedency due to the widow of a knight is +accorded to her. + + +=When the Daughter of a Duke= marries a peer she takes the precedency +due to the rank of her husband; if she marries a commoner, precedency is +accorded to her due to the daughter of a duke. + + +=Age confers no Precedency= on either sex. Equals in rank from the +highest to the lowest take precedence according to the creation of their +title and not as regards the age of the person bearing the title. As, +for instance, a youthful duke would take precedence of an aged duke, if +the title of the youthful duke bore an earlier date than that of the +aged duke. The same rule applies equally to baronets and knights. + +When two earls are present at a dinner-party, the date of their +respective patents of nobility decides the order of precedency due to +them. + +A host or hostess should always consult a "Peerage" or a "Baronetage" if +in doubt as to the precedence due to expected guests bearing titles; +wealth or social position are not taken into account in this matter, it +being strictly a question of date. + + +=The Precedence due to Ladies of Equal Rank= takes effect in the same +manner. Thus, a young wife of a baronet takes precedence over the +elderly wife of a baronet if the creation of her husband's title bears +an earlier date. + + +=When the Claims to Precedency of Persons of Equal Rank= clash, the +claims of a gentleman should be waived in favour of those of a lady, +should the persons be of opposite sexes. Thus, if two couples of +superior rank to the other guests were present at a dinner-party, the +host should take down the lady of highest rank, and the hostess should +be taken down by the gentleman of highest rank, in which case the lady +second in rank should go in to dinner _before_ her husband, although +the gentleman taking her down to dinner were of lower rank than her +husband. + + +=Esquires, and the Wives of Esquires=, take precedence according to +their social position. Members of Parliament have no precedence, though +it is often accorded to them as a matter of courtesy, especially in the +county which they represent; the wives of members of Parliament are +likewise entitled to no precedence on the ground of their husbands being +members of Parliament. + + +=The High Sheriff of a County= takes precedence over all other gentlemen +in the county, of whatever rank, save the lord-lieutenant, according to +the Royal warrant issued by His late Majesty King Edward, giving +precedence to lord-lieutenants of counties before high sheriffs. + + +=The High Sheriff= out of his particular county has no precedence, +neither has a lord-lieutenant; and the wives of either lords-lieutenants +or high sheriffs take no precedence on account of their husbands' +official dignity. + + +=An Assize Judge= takes precedence over the high sheriff as the assize +judge represents the Sovereign of the Realm. + + +=Clergymen, Barristers-at-Law=, officers in the army and navy take +precedence over esquires on account of such rank; and in each profession +precedence should be accorded them according to dignity, date of +ordination, date of call, and date of commission in their several +professions, assuming that the rank is equal. + + +=High Clerical and Legal Dignitaries= take special precedence; for +instance, the Archbishop of Canterbury takes precedence of all dukes, +and the Lord Chancellor takes precedence of the Archbishop of York, who +also takes precedence of dukes; bishops take precedence of all barons, +whatever their date of creation. The Lord Chief Justice, the Master of +the Rolls, when not peers, and all judges of the High Court of Justice +in their various divisions, take precedence after Privy Councillors and +before baronets and all knights, save the Knights of the Garter. + + +=The Relative Rank between Officers of the Army and Navy= and doctors of +divinity is somewhat difficult to determine as regards the precedence to +be given them at a dinner-party. "Dod" places "esquires by office, +which, of course, includes all officers of the army and navy," next +_before_ the younger sons of knights and before doctors in divinity, who +follow next in order; while "Lodge" places "officers of the navy and +army" _after_ the younger sons of knights bachelor, clergymen, and +barristers-at-law. + + +=Precedency at Dinner-Parties.=--When royalty is present at a +dinner-party, a prince of blood royal takes precedence of a princess, +and leads the way with the hostess, the host following next with the +princess. On the other hand, a princess of the blood royal takes +precedence of a foreign prince--her husband--and leads the way with the +host. + + +=The Host should take down the Lady of Highest Rank=, and lead the way +with her to the dining-room. The guests should follow the host in +couples according to the degree of precedence due to them, and the +hostess should follow the last couple with the gentleman of highest rank +present. + + +=When a Greater Number of Gentlemen= than ladies are present at a +dinner-party, as is often the case, these gentlemen should follow the +hostess to the dining-room and not precede her. + + +=When a Widow or Maiden Lady is Hostess=, and there is no gentleman of +the family present to act as host, the gentleman second in rank should +take down the lady of highest rank, leading the way with her to the +dining-room, the hostess following last, with the gentleman of highest +rank. + + +=In the Case of either a Husband's Sister= or a wife's sister being +required to act as hostess, precedence should be given to the wife's +sister. + + +=An Eldest Son's Wife= should take precedence of her husband's sisters +in his father's house. + +As regards the precedence due to the relatives of a host or hostess, it +should give way in favour of that due to the guests not related to the +host or hostess, although their relatives might be, perhaps, of higher +rank than the guests themselves. + +Occasionally, the eldest son of the house acts as second host, taking +down a lady second or third in rank; but the daughters of the house +should always be taken down to dinner after the other ladies present, +and in no case before them. + +No precedence is accorded to either a lady or a gentleman by virtue of a +mother's rank. + +No precedence is accorded to brides in society, though occasionally in +the country old-fashioned people consider it due to a bride to send her +in to dinner with the host on the occasion of her first dining at a +house within three months of her marriage. + + +Table of General Precedency + + +GENTLEMEN + + The King. + The Prince of Wales. + The Sovereign's younger sons. + The Sovereign's grandsons. + The Sovereign's brothers. + The Sovereign's uncles. + The Sovereign's nephews. + Ambassadors. + Archbishop of Canterbury. + Lord High Chancellor. + Archbishop of York. + The Prime Minister. + Lord Chancellor of Ireland. + Lord President of the Council. + Lord Privy Seal. + Dukes who may happen to hold either of these five offices-- + 1. Lord Great Chamberlain. + 2. Earl Marshal. + 3. Lord Steward. + 4. Lord Chamberlain. + 5. Master of the Horse. + Dukes in order of their patents of creation-- + 1. Dukes of England. + 2. " " Scotland. + 3. Dukes of Great Britain. + 4. " " Ireland created before the Union. + 5. Dukes created since the Union. + Eldest sons of Dukes of Blood Royal. + Marquesses who may hold either of the Offices of State named above. + Marquesses in same order as Dukes. + Dukes' eldest sons. + Earls holding either of the five Offices of State. + Earls in same order as Dukes. + Younger sons of Dukes of Blood Royal. + Marquesses' eldest sons. + Dukes' younger sons. + Viscounts who may hold either of the five Offices of State. + Viscounts in same order as Dukes. + Earls' eldest sons. + Marquesses' younger sons. + Bishop of London. + " " Durham. + " " Winchester. + Other English Bishops in order of their consecration. + Moderator of the Church of Scotland. + Barons holding either of the five Offices of State. + Barons who may be Secretaries of State or Irish Secretary. + Barons in same order as Dukes. + The Speaker of the House of Commons. + Treasurer of the Household. + Comptroller of the Household. + Vice-Chamberlain of the Household. + Secretaries of State below the rank of Barons. + Viscounts' eldest sons. + Earls' younger sons. + Barons' eldest sons. + Commoners who are Knights of the Garter. + Privy Councillors of rank lower than the foregoing, according to date + they were sworn in. + Chancellor of the Exchequer. + " " " Duchy of Lancaster. + Lord Chief Justice of England. + Master of the Rolls. + Lords Justices of Appeal and President of Probate Court. + Judges of the High Court of Justice. + Viscounts' younger sons. + Barons' " " + Sons of Life Peers. + Baronets according to dates of patents. + Knights Grand Cross of Bath. + Knights Grand Commanders, Star of India. + Knights Grand Cross of St. Michael and St. George. + Knights Grand Commanders of Indian Empire. + Knights Grand Cross of Royal Victorian Order. + Knights Commanders of above Orders in same sequence. + Knights Bachelors of above Orders in same sequence. + Commanders of the Royal Victorian Order. + Judges of County Courts in England and Ireland, and Judges of the City + of London Court. + Masters in Lunacy. + Companions of Orders of Bath, Star of India, SS. Michael and George, + and Indian Empire in same sequence. + Members of 4th class of Royal Victorian Order. + Companions of Distinguished Service Order. + Eldest sons of younger sons of Peers. + Baronets' eldest sons. + Knights' eldest sons, in order of their fathers. + Members of 5th class of Royal Victorian Order. + Younger sons of Peers' younger sons. + Baronets' younger sons. + Knights' younger sons, in order of their fathers. + Naval, Military, and other Esquires by Office. + Gentlemen entitled to bear Coat Armour. + + +LADIES + + The Queen. + The Queen Mother. + The Sovereign's daughters. + Wives of Sovereign's younger sons. + Sovereign's granddaughters. + Wives of Sovereign's grandsons. + Sovereign's sisters. + Wives of Sovereign's brothers. + Sovereign's aunts. + Wives of Sovereign's uncles. + Sovereign's nieces. + Wives of Sovereign's nephews. + Duchesses (in same order as Dukes). + Wives of eldest sons of Dukes of Blood Royal. + Marchionesses. + Wives of eldest sons of Dukes. + Daughters of Dukes. + Countesses. + Wives of younger sons of Royal Dukes. + Wives of eldest sons of Marquesses. + Daughters of Marquesses. + Wives of younger sons of Dukes. + Viscountesses. + Wives of eldest sons of Earls. + Daughters of Earls. + Wives of younger sons of Marquesses. + Baronesses. + Wives of eldest sons of Viscounts. + Daughters of Viscounts. + Wives of younger sons of Earls. + Wives of eldest sons of Barons. + Daughters of Barons. + Maids of Honour. + Wives of younger sons of Viscounts. + Wives of younger sons of Barons. + Daughters and sons' wives of Life Peers. + Wives of Baronets. + Daughters of Baronets. + Wives of eldest sons of Knights. + Daughters of Knights. + Wives of younger sons of Peers' younger sons. + Wives of younger sons of Baronets. + Wives of younger sons of Knights. + Wives of Esquires. + Wives of Gentlemen. + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +THE COLLOQUIAL APPLICATION OF TITLES + + +The colloquial application of titles differs materially from the +application of titles when not used colloquially, and many persons are +in doubt as to whether they should or should not make use colloquially +of titles in full. + +His Majesty the King should be addressed as "Sir" by all those who come +in social contact with him; and by all others as "Your Majesty." + +Her Majesty Queen Mary should be addressed as "Ma'm" by all those who +come in social contact with her; and by all others as "Your Majesty." + +Her Majesty Queen Alexandra should be addressed as "Ma'm" by all those +who come in social contact with her; and by all others as "Your +Majesty." + +The Prince of Wales, the Duke of Connaught, and all princes of the blood +royal, should be addressed by the upper classes as "Sir." + +The princesses of the blood royal, should be addressed as "Ma'm" by the +upper classes. The wives of the princes of the blood royal should also +be addressed as "Ma'm" by the upper classes. + +All crowned heads visiting England should be addressed as "Sir" by those +socially known to them, and as "Your Majesty" by all others. The Royal +ladies, their wives, should be addressed as "Ma'm" by those personally +known to them, and as "Your Majesty" by all others. + +A foreign prince bearing the title of Serene Highness should be +addressed as "Prince," and not as "Sir," by the aristocracy and gentry, +and as "Your Serene Highness" by all other classes. + +A foreign princess, also bearing the title of serene highness, should be +styled "Princess" when addressed colloquially by the upper classes, but +not as "Ma'am"; and as "Your Serene Highness" by all other classes. + +An English duke should be addressed as "Duke" by the aristocracy and +gentry, and not as "Your Grace" by members of either of these classes. +All other classes should address him colloquially as "Your Grace." + +An English duchess should be addressed as "Duchess" by all persons +conversing with her belonging to the upper classes, and as "Your Grace" +by all other classes. + +A marquess, colloquially, should be addressed as "Lord A." + +A marchioness should be addressed as "Lady A." by the upper classes. It +would be a mistake to address an English marquess as "Marquess," or a +marchioness as "Marchioness," colloquially speaking. All other classes +should address them either as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship," "My Lady" or +"Your Ladyship." + +An earl should be addressed as "Lord B." by the upper classes, and as +"My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes. + +A countess should be addressed as "Lady B." by the upper classes, and as +"My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes. + +A viscount should be addressed as "Lord C." by the upper classes, and as +"My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes. + +A viscountess should be addressed as "Lady C." by the upper classes, and +as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes. + +A baron should be addressed as "Lord D." by the upper classes, and as +"My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes. + +A baroness should be addressed as "Lady D." by the upper classes, and as +"My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes. + +In strictly official or business intercourse a marquess, an earl, a +viscount, a baron, and a younger son of a duke or marquis, should be +addressed as "My Lord." + +The eldest son of a duke should be addressed as "Lord A." by the upper +classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes. + +The wife of the eldest son of a duke should be addressed as "Lady A." by +the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other +classes. + +The younger sons of a duke should be addressed as "Lord John E." or +"Lord Charles E." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your +Lordship" by all other classes. Persons well acquainted with them would +address them colloquially by their title and christian name, as "Lord +John" or "Lord Charles." The same remark applies to their wives, who are +often colloquially addressed as "Lady Alfred" or "Lady Edward." + +The wives of the younger sons of a duke should be addressed as "Lady +John E." or "Lady Charles E." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or +"Your Ladyship" by all other classes. + +The daughters of a duke should be addressed as "Lady Mary A." or "Lady +Elizabeth B." by the upper classes, and as "Lady Mary" and "Lady +Elizabeth" by those intimate with them, and as "My Lady" or "Your +Ladyship" by all other classes. + +The eldest son of a marquess should be addressed as "Lord A." by the +upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes. + +The wife of the eldest son of a marquis should be addressed as "Lady A." +by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other +classes. + +The younger sons of a marquis should be addressed as "Lord Henry B." +and "Lord Frederick B." by the upper classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your +Lordship" by all other classes. + +The wives of the younger sons of a marquis should be addressed as "Lady +Henry B." and "Lady Frederick B." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" +or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes. + +The daughters of a marquis should be addressed as "Lady Florence B." and +"Lady Sarah B." by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your +Ladyship" by all other classes. + +The eldest son of an earl should be addressed as "Lord C." by the upper +classes, and as "My Lord" or "Your Lordship" by all other classes. + +The wife of the eldest son of an earl should be addressed as "Lady C." +by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other +classes. + +The daughters of an earl should be addressed as "Lady Blanche" and "Lady +Evelyn" by the upper classes, and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all +other classes. + +The younger sons of earls, and both eldest and younger sons of viscounts +and barons, only bear the courtesy title of honourable. The daughters of +viscounts and barons also bear the courtesy title of honourable. This +title should never be used colloquially, "The Hon. Cecil Blank," "The +Hon. Mrs. Cecil Blank," and "The Hon. Mary Blank," should be styled +"Mr., Mrs., and Miss Mary Blank." + +Baronets should be addressed by their full title and surname, as Sir +John Blank, by the upper classes, and by their titles and christian +names only by all other classes. + +Baronets' wives should be addressed as "Lady B." or "Lady C," according +to the surnames of their husbands: thus, "Sir John Blank's" wife should +be addressed as "Lady Blank" by the upper classes, not as "Lady John +Blank"--to do so would be to give her the rank of the wife of the +younger son of a duke or marquis instead of that of a baronet's wife +only--and as "My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes. + +The wives of knights should be addressed as "Lady B." or "Lady C.," +according to the surnames of their husbands: thus, "Sir John Blank's" +wife should be addressed as "Lady Blank" by the upper classes, and as +"My Lady" or "Your Ladyship" by all other classes. + + +=In addressing Foreigners of Rank colloquially=, the received rule is to +address them by their individual titles and surnames. + +A prince or princess should be addressed by their full title: thus, +"Prince Munich," or "Princess Munich," by the upper classes. Persons +intimate with them usually address them as "Prince" or "Princess," as +the case may be. + +In the case of a prince being a younger son, and not the reigning head +of the house, his christian name is generally used after his title when +addressing him: thus, "Prince Louis," in lieu of "Prince" only. The same +remark applies to the unmarried daughters of princes. They also should +be addressed by their christian name, in addition to their title of +"Princess," by the aristocracy and gentry, and as "Your Serene" or "Your +Imperial Highness," according to their birth and title, by all other +classes. + +A French duke should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of +monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Rouen," by the upper classes, and as +"Monsieur le Duc" by all other classes. + +A French duchess should be addressed by her surname, with the addition +of madame: thus, "Madame de Rouen" by the upper classes, and as "Madame +la Duchesse" by all other classes. + +A marquis should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of +monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Harfleur" by the upper classes, and as +"Monsieur le Marquis" by all other classes. + +A marquise should be addressed by her surname, with the addition of +madame: thus, "Madame la Harfleur" by the upper classes, and as "Madame +la Marquise" by all other classes. + +A comte should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of +monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Montpellier" by the upper classes, and as +"Monsieur le Comte" by all other classes. + +A comtesse should be addressed by her surname, with the addition of +madame: thus, "Madame de Montpellier" by the upper classes, and as +"Madame la Comtesse" by all other classes. + +A vicomte should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of +monsieur: thus, "Monsieur de Toulouse" by the upper classes, and as +"Monsieur le Vicomte" by all other classes. + +A vicomtesse should be addressed by her surname, with the addition of +madame: thus, "Madame de Toulouse" by the upper classes, and as "Madame +la Vicomtesse" by all other classes. + +A baron should be addressed by his surname, with the addition of +monsieur: thus, "Monsieur d'Avignon" by the upper classes, and as +"Monsieur le Baron" by all other classes. + +A baronne should be addressed by her surname, with the addition of +madame: thus, "Madame d'Avignon" by the upper classes, and as "Madame la +Baronne" by all other classes. + +A young unmarried lady should be addressed as "Mademoiselle d'Avignon" +by the upper classes, and as "Mademoiselle" by all other classes. + +In German titles the distinction of "Von" before the surname is seldom +used colloquially, the title and surname being used without the prefix +of "Von." Thus, "Count von Ausberg" should be addressed as "Count +Ausberg" in conversation, and not as "Monsieur le Comte." + +Foreign ladies of rank should be addressed by their title and surname, +and not by their title only, and the prefix "Von" should be omitted; but +in the case of a French or Italian title the "de" or "de la" before the +surname should on no account be omitted. + +When Englishmen are extremely intimate with foreigners of rank they +would, in conversation, probably address them by their surnames; but +only thorough intimacy and friendship warrants this familiarity. + + +=As regards addressing the Clergy=, an archbishop should be addressed +colloquially as "Archbishop" by the upper classes, and as "Your Grace" +by the clergy and all other classes. + +A bishop should be addressed colloquially as "Bishop" by the upper +classes, and as "My Lord" by the clergy and all other classes. + +A dean should be styled "Dean Blank" or "Dean," by the upper classes, +and as "Mr. Dean" by the clergy. + +An archdeacon should be addressed as "Archdeacon Blank," and a canon as +"Canon Blank." + +The wives of archbishops, bishops, and deans should be respectively +addressed as "Mrs. A.," "Mrs. B.," or "Mrs. C." They take no title from +the spiritual rank of their husbands. + + +=Officers in the Army= should be respectively addressed as "General A.," +"Colonel B.," "Major C.," or "Captain D.," and not as "General," +"Colonel," or "Major," except by their very intimate friends. + +The wives of officers should be addressed as "Mrs. A.," "Mrs. B.," "Mrs. +C.," or "Mrs. D." They should never be addressed as "Mrs. General A.," +"Mrs. Colonel B.," "Mrs. Major C.," or "Mrs. Captain D." + +A lady should not address her husband colloquially by his surname only, +as "Jones," "Brown," or by whatever his surname might be, or speak of +him without the prefix of "Mr." + +The usual rule is for a wife to speak of her husband as "Mr. Brown," or +"My husband," except to intimate friends, when the christian name only +is frequently used, and to address him by his christian name only. + +A wife should not address her husband by the initial letter of his +surname, as "Mr. B." or "Mr. P."; neither should a husband address his +wife by the initial letter of his surname. + +When intimate friends address each other by the initial letter of their +names it is by way of pleasantry only, and such cases, of course, do not +come within the rules of etiquette. + +Peeresses frequently address their husbands, and speak of them, by the +name attached to their title, in place of using their christian or +family name. Thus, the "Earl of Blankshire" would be styled "Blankshire" +by his wife, without the prefix of "Lord," and his usual signature would +be "Blankshire," without the addition of any christian name. + +Baronets' wives should not address their husbands by their surnames, but +by their christian names, and should speak of them as "Sir George" or +"Sir John." + +The wives of knights also should not address their husbands by their +surnames, but by their christian names, and should speak of them as "Sir +George" or "Sir John." + +The Lord Mayor should be addressed as "Lord Mayor," colloquially, and +the Lady Mayoress as "Lady Mayoress," unless the Lord Mayor during +office is created a baronet or receives the honour of knighthood, when +he should be addressed as "Sir John" or "Sir Henry," and his wife as +"Lady A." + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +POINTS OF ETIQUETTE AS REGARDS ROYAL PERSONAGES + + +General society is now very frequently brought into contact with +royalty--members of the Royal Family of England and members of various +royal families of Europe. + +With His Majesty this association is of frequent occurrence as regards +the general public, and persons possessing special interest are +constantly brought into communication with him. + +Strict Court etiquette is greatly in abeyance, and laid aside by His +Majesty when paying visits to personal friends, or when receiving visits +from the same. + +The geniality of the English princes and princesses is everywhere +acknowledged, and the restrictions of Court etiquette are frequently +relaxed by their desire when visiting at the houses of the nobility and +gentry. + +The etiquette that reigns in foreign Courts--Austria, Russia, Greece, +etc.--is seldom waived, and is adhered to with much punctilio. So much +so is this the case with certain foreign princes who visit our shores, +that the observances they claim as due to their exalted position are +often felt to be a restraint upon the hosts whom they honour with their +company, in town or country, at dinner, ball, or country-house party. + +On the other hand, many royal personages who occasionally visit England +are unbending and unceremonious towards society in general. + +When royal personages visit London for a few weeks, whether located at +palace, embassy, or hotel, it is etiquette for any person who is +personally acquainted with or connected in any way with their Court or +cabinet, or who has been presented at their Court, to leave cards on +them and write their names in their visiting books. Persons still higher +in the social scale, give receptions in their honour, and invite them to +stay at their princely mansions. + +When such visits are paid, the principal neighbours are usually invited +to meet the royal guests at dinner, ball, or reception, and on the +invitation card is written, "To meet H.R.H. the Crown Prince of ----," +or "Her Serene Highness the Grand Duchess of ----," etc.; but a hostess +exercises her own discretion respecting the invitations she issues. + +If a ball is in contemplation the county at large is invited to the +mansion, but if dinner invitations only are issued, then the circle is +necessarily restricted to a favoured few. + +The neighbours who are not invited to a house where a royal guest is +staying should avoid calling on the hostess until the departure of the +royal visitors, even if calls are due. + +The principal people of a county who happen to be present at an +entertainment, either dinner or dance, are usually presented to the +royal guests by the host or hostess, permission to do so having been +first solicited. + +When the person to be presented is a person of rank or distinction, it +would only be necessary to say, "May I present Lord A., or General B., +to you, Sir?" but if the person to be presented has no particular claim +to the honour beyond being popular in the county, the request should be +prefaced with a few words of explanation respecting the person to be +presented. + +When the name or fame of those presented has reached the ears of the +royal guests, they usually shake hands on the presentation being made, +and enter into conversation with them; otherwise they merely bow, and +make one or two passing remarks. + +A house-party is generally composed of those with whom a royal guest is +more or less acquainted. When the party includes any one who is a +stranger to the royal guests, he or she should be presented on the first +opportunity. + +The members of the Royal Family have each, more or less, their +particular set, as have also the foreign princes who periodically visit +this country, and therefore house-parties are usually made up of those +moving in the set of the expected prince. + +For the proper mode of addressing royal personages, see Chapter VI. + + +=As regards royal invitations=, all invitations from the Sovereign are +commands, and must be answered and obeyed as such, and the word +"command" must be made use of in answering such invitations. If any +reason exists for not obeying His Majesty's commands it should be +stated. + +Invitations from members of the Royal Family are treated by courtesy as +commands, but in replying to such invitations the word "command" should +not be used. The answers to such invitations should be addressed to the +Comptroller of the Household, by whom they are usually issued. + +Answers to royal invitations should be written in the third person, and +reasons given for non-acceptance. + +A previous engagement cannot be pleaded as an excuse for refusing a +royal invitation; only personal indisposition or serious illness, or +death of near relatives, would be adequate reasons for not accepting a +royal invitation. + +When a royal invitation is verbally given, the answer should be verbal +also. + +At all entertainments at which royal guests are present they should be +received by the host and hostess in the entrance-hall. In the case of +serene highnesses they should be received by the host and conducted by +him to the hostess; this rule equally applies to the reception of +eastern princes. + + +=Henceforward there are to be= in Great Britain no Princes or Princesses +other than those of the Blood Royal. Only the children and grandchildren +of the Sovereign will hold princely rank; the titles of "Highness" and +"Serene Highness" will disappear; and that of "Royal Highness" will be +reserved to the direct descendants of the King in the male line. + + +=The King has deemed it desirable=, in the conditions brought about by +the present war, that those princes of his family who are his subjects +and bear German names and titles should relinquish these titles and +henceforth adopt British surnames. + + +=His Majesty has conferred Peerages= of the United Kingdom on the +following:--The Duke of Teck to be a Marquis; Prince Alexander of Teck +to be the Earl of Athlone; Prince Louis of Battenberg to be the Marquis +of Milford Haven; and Prince Alexander of Battenberg to be the Marquis +of Carisbrooke. + + +=Indian Princes.=--The exact status of Indian princes has never been +actually laid down, but all who are "Highnesses" are given precedence at +the English Court and in society after the Royal Family and foreign +princes. In the procession at Court entertainments they go in front of +ambassadors. + +No Indian prince is considered to be of blood royal, and they do not +stand in the line at levees and Courts, but all have the private +_Entree_. + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +POINTS OF ETIQUETTE WHEN TRAVELLING ABROAD, AND PRESENTATIONS AT FOREIGN +COURTS + + +The acquaintanceship of foreign residents is of considerable service to +English people purposing to winter abroad, or to remain for any length +of time in a continental city, as by its means they obtain an entrance +into foreign society. An introduction to the English Ambassador or +Minister at a foreign Court is of still greater service in this matter. + +People of recognised position in society have the privilege of leaving +cards at the English Embassy at any foreign city in which they intend +making a temporary stay. + +So thoroughly is the position of English travellers known to the English +Ministry at a foreign Court, that should a person, who is not received +in English society, leave cards at the English Embassy, they would be at +once returned as an intimation that the acquaintance is declined. + +It is erroneous to suppose that by leaving cards upon foreigners of +distinction, an acquaintanceship can be commenced, for unless +introductions have been formally made, leaving cards is a useless +proceeding. + +At far-away spots little frequented by the general run of travellers, +and where there are but few, if any, resident English, travellers +requiring advice or assistance from the English consul, can, without an +introduction, call upon him, nationality being the ground upon which to +do this, and if of equal social standing, they would be received with +social consideration; if otherwise, all assistance would be given to +them from an official point of view. Many people when travelling abroad +make pleasant acquaintances even without the help of introductions, the +occasion of a meeting being as it were a semi-introduction in itself. + +Such casual acquaintanceships are, however, attended with certain risks, +especially to persons who have been absent from England some little +time, or who when in England have entered comparatively but little in +society, and who are thus apt to drift unawares into close friendships +with people perhaps well bred and agreeable, although tabooed at home +for some good and sufficient reason. _Contretemps_ such as these are +painful to kind-hearted people when subsequently compelled to avoid and +to relinquish the acquaintance of those with whom they have become +pleasantly intimate. An introduction to an English resident in either +town or city obviates any unpleasantness of this nature, as one so +situated is generally kept _au courant_ with all that takes place in +society at home. + + +=When persons desire to enter into society abroad= they endeavour to +obtain letters of introduction from friends and acquaintances to +residents in the cities they purpose visiting. + +Unless English travellers have been duly presented at the Court of St +James's, they cannot obtain presentations at foreign Courts through the +English Embassies. + +When a lady desires a presentation at a foreign Court, she should write +to the English Ambassadress and request the honour of a presentation, +and should state the date of her presentation and the name of the lady +by whom she was presented. After her statement has been duly verified +the request is granted. In a like manner when a gentleman desires a +presentation at a foreign Court, he should write to the Ambassador and +request the honour of a presentation, and should state the date of the +Levee at which he was presented, and the name of the person by whom the +presentation was made. + +Presentations at foreign Courts take place in the evening, and the +persons to be presented, and those who attend, assemble previous to the +entrance of the royal personages: the rule is for the grand _maitresse_ +to present each lady in turn to her royal mistress, who makes the tour +of the apartment for this purpose, and addresses some courteous +observation to each. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +THE RECEIVED MODE OF PRONOUNCING CERTAIN SURNAMES + + +There are, perhaps, two reasons why various surnames are so frequently +mispronounced, the one being unfamiliarity with the freak of fashion +which governs the pronunciation of certain well-known names, the other +ignorance, or want of education. + +When sensitive persons hear a name pronounced differently from the way +in which they have themselves but just pronounced it, and in a tone and +manner strongly suggestive of correction, it is wounding to their _amour +propre_. + +As a rule, when persons are in doubt as to the correct pronunciation of +any particular name, it would be best to avoid mentioning it, if +possible, until their doubts are set at rest by some one better informed +than themselves. + +Names that have a fashionable or peculiar pronunciation, or are +pronounced otherwise than as they are spelt, are but few, and names +which it is possible wrongly to accent are also not very numerous; but +it is surprising how often these names occur in the course of +conversation. + +The names of distinguished artists that are open to mispronunciation +occur far oftener in conversation than do the general run of uncommon +surnames. + +There are many celebrated hunts and hunting quarters of which the names +are open to considerable mispronunciation. + +With regard to placing the accent on the wrong syllable in the +pronunciation of names, it requires but little thought to avoid making +this mistake, a popular error being that of placing the accent upon the +last syllable of a name; whereas, in a name of two syllables, the accent +should invariably be placed upon the first, and the second syllable +should be as it were slightly abbreviated or slightly altered. + +In names of three syllables the error usually consists in placing the +accent upon the last syllable, whereas the accent should be placed upon +the second syllable. There are occasional exceptions to this rule, and +the few names given in this chapter, both as regards their pronunciation +and accentuation, will serve as a useful guide in the pronunciation of +uncommon names. + + SPELT. PRONOUNCED. REMARKS. + + Abergavenny. Abergen'ny. _Av_ not sounded. + Arbuthnot. Arbuth'not. + Arundel. Arrandel. + + Beaconsfield. Beckonsfield. + Beauchamp. Bea'cham. + Beauclerk or } Bo'clair. Accent on first syllable. + Beauclerc. } + Belvoir. Be'ver. + Berkely. Bark'ley. + Bethune. Bee'ton. + Bicester. Bis'ter. Accent on first syllable. + Blount. Blunt. + Blyth. Bly. _Th_ not sounded. + Bourke. Burk. + Bourne. Burn. + Bowles. Boles. + Breadalbane. Breaddal'bane. Accent on second syllable. + Brougham. Broum. + Buchan. Buck'an. Accent on first syllable. + Burdett. Burdett'. Accent on last syllable. + Burnett. Burnett'. Accent on last syllable. + Bury. Berry. + + Calderon. Cal'dron not + Cauldron. + Charteris. Charters. + Cholmeley. Chum'ley. + Cholmondeley. " + Cirencester. Cis'ester. Accent on first syllable. + Clanricarde. Clanrecarde. Accent on second syllable. + Cockburn. C[=o]burn. _Ck_ not sounded. + Colquhoun. Kohoon'. Accent on last syllable. + Conynham. Cunyingham. + Coutts. Koots. + Cowper. Cooper. + + Dalziel. Dee'al. Accent on first syllable. + Derby. Darby. + Des Vaux. Deveu. The _x_ not sounded. + Devereux. Devereu. The _x_ not sounded. + Dillwyn. Dil'lun. The _wy_ takes the sound of + _u_; the accent on first + syllable. + Duchesne. Dukarn. + Du Plat. Du Plar. + + Elgin. The _g_ hard as in give. + Eyre. Air. + + Fildes. Filedes. _Not_ Filldes. + Fortescue. Fort'iskew. + + Geoffrey. Jefrey. + Geoghegan. Gaygan. + Gifford. Jifford. The _g_ soft as in George. + Gillett. _G_ hard as in Gilbert. + Gillott. _G_ hard. + Glamis. Glarms. + Gorges. Gor'jes. First _g_ hard and second + _g_ soft. + Gough. Goff. + Gower. Gor. But Gower as regards the + street of that name with + the general public. + + Harcourt. Har'kut. Accent on first syllable. + Heathcote. Heth'kut. + Hertford. Har'ford. + Home. Hume. + Hughes. Hews. + + Jervis. Jarvis. + Johnstone. The _t_ not sounded. + + Kennaird. Kennaird'. Accent on last syllable. + Kennard. Kennard'. Accent on last syllable. + Ker. Kar. + Knollys. Knowls. + + Layard. Laird. + Leconfield. Lek'onfield. + Lefevre. Lefavre. + Leigh. Lee. + Lyvedon. Livden. + + Macnamara. Macnemar'ar. Accent on third syllable. + Mainwaring. Man'nering. + Marjoribanks. Marshbanks. + McIntosh. Makintosh. + McLeod. McCloud. + Menzies. Myng'es. Accent on first syllable. + Meux. Mews. The _x_ sounded as _s_. + Millais. Mil'lay. Accent on first syllable. + Milnes. Mills. + Molyneux. The _x_ sounded, with slight + accent on last syllable. + Monck. Munk. + Monckton. Munk'ton. Accent on first syllable. + Monson. Munson. + Montgomerie or } Mungum'ery. Accent on second syllable. + Montgomery. } + Mowbray. Mobrey. + + Nigel. Ni'jel. + + Ouless. Ooless. + + Parnell. Parnell'. Accent on last syllable. + Pepys. Pep'is. Accent on first syllable. + Pierrepont. Pierpont. + Ponsonby. Punsonby. + Pontefract. Pomfret. + Pugh. Pew. + Pytchley. P[=y]tch'ley. Not Pitchley. + + Ruthven. Riv'en. + + Sandys. Sands. + St. Clair. Sinclair. + St. Maur. See'mor, or + S'nt Maur. + St. John. Sinjin. As regards christian and + surname, but as St. John + when applied to church or + locality. + Seymour. Sey'mer. Accent on first syllable. + Strachan. Strawn. + + Tadema. Tad'ymar. Accent on first syllable. + Tollemache. Tollmash. + Trafalgar. Trafalgar'. Accent on last syllable; as + regards the peer of that + name, not otherwise. + Tredegar. Trede'gar. Accent on second syllable. + Tremayne. Tremayne'. Accent on last syllable. + Tyrrwhitt. Tirritt. + + Vaughan. Vorn. + Vaux. The _x_ sounded. + Villbois. Vealbwor. + Villiers. Vil'lers. + + Waldegrave. Wal'grave. The _de_ not sounded. + Wemyss. Weems. + Willoughby D'Eresby. Willowby D'Ersby. + + + + +CHAPTER X + +PRESENTATIONS AT COURTS AND ATTENDING COURTS + + +Courts are now held in lieu of Drawing-rooms by Their Majesties the King +and Queen at Buckingham Palace, and at which Presentations to Their +Majesties are made. + +These Courts are held in the evenings at ten o'clock, but the hour at +which the company should commence to arrive is intimated by the Lord +Chamberlain in the notice issued of the Courts to be held. + +Two Courts are usually, but not invariably, held before Easter, and two +more after Easter. + +Ladies who have been presented at Drawing-rooms and Courts, held during +the last two reigns, do not require to be again presented to Their +Majesties the King and Queen; thus, ladies who have already been +presented at these Drawing-rooms, and who are desirous of being invited +to one or other of these Courts, and who are also desirous of making +presentations, should send in their names and the names of those to be +presented by them to the Lord Chamberlain, St. James's Palace, S.W., on +the 1st of January in each year, but not before that date. + +Ladies are also privileged to mention at the same time when it will be +most convenient to them to pay their respects to Their Majesties. If it +should not be convenient for a lady to attend or be presented at the +particular Court to which she is invited, it will be open to her to make +her excuses to the Lord Chamberlain in writing, when her name can, if +desired, and if possible, be transferred to another list. + +A lady who makes a presentation to Their Majesties, must be personally +acquainted with and responsible for the lady she presents. She must +herself attend the Court, and cannot present more than one lady in +addition to her daughter or daughter-in-law. The numbers received at +each Court being necessarily limited, ladies can only receive occasional +invitations. Therefore, those who cannot be included in the year's list +of invitations will receive an intimation to this effect from the Lord +Chamberlain in answer to their applications to attend. + + +=The Persons entitled to be presented at Their Majesties' Courts= are +the wives and daughters of the members of the aristocracy, the wives and +daughters of those holding high official appointments in the Government, +the wives and daughters of Members of Parliament, the county gentry and +town gentry, the wives and daughters of the members of the legal, +military, naval, clerical, medical, and other professions, the wives and +daughters of merchants, bankers, and members of the Stock Exchange, and +persons engaged in commerce on a large scale. + +Although the word "gentry" is thus elastic, and although persons coming +within the category might be fairly entitled to the privilege of +attending Courts, yet it is well understood that birth, wealth, +associations, and position give a _raison d'etre_ for such privilege; +as, for instance, the wife and daughters of an officer in the navy or a +line regiment, whose means are slender, and whose position is obscure, +would not be justified for these reasons in attending a Court, although +the officer himself might attend a levee if desirous of doing so; and +this remark equally applies to the wives and daughters of clergymen, +barristers, and others similarly situated. + + +=Presentations to Their Majesties= are made officially by the various +foreign ambassadresses, by the wives of the members of the Cabinet, and +by the wives of other official personages in various departments of the +State, either civil, military, naval, or clerical. + +Presentations at each of Their Majesties' Courts are now limited by +royal command. + +Presentations to Their Majesties should be made either by a relative or +a friend of the lady presented who has herself been previously +presented. + +A lady has the privilege of presenting one lady only at a Court in +addition to her daughter or daughter-in-law. + +This restriction does not apply to ladies who, from official position or +other circumstances, are specially privileged to make presentations to +Their Majesties. + +When a presentation is not made officially or by a near relative it is +considered a favour on the part of the person making the presentation +towards the person presented. + +The responsibility of a presentation rests upon the person who makes it, +both as to the social and moral fitness of the person presented; +therefore, to solicit the favour of a presentation from a friend is to +incur a considerable obligation, and it is a favour ladies have no +hesitation in refusing unless good reasons exist for granting it. + +When presentations are made through official channels the responsibility +rests upon the "office" rather than upon the person making the +presentation; hence presentations so made have little personal +significance to the person making them. + + +=A Lady having been presented on her Marriage= has the privilege of +attending, by invitation, any subsequent Court, but ladies who have no +official position will only be allowed to attend a Court by summons +every third year. On the accession of her husband to any title, she +would again have to be presented, and should she marry a second time +another presentation would be necessary to entitle her to attend one of +Their Majesties' Courts. + + +=It is the Privilege of the Married Lady to make Presentations=, but +should any person be presented whose antecedents or present position +renders her socially unqualified to be presented, the Lord Chamberlain, +on becoming aware of the fact, would at once cancel the presentation, +and officially announce it in the _Gazette_, and the person making such +presentation would be expected to tender an apology for so doing. + + +=An Unmarried Lady does not possess the Privilege= of making a +presentation, however high her rank may be. She is not permitted to +attend any subsequent Courts after first presentation until three years +have elapsed; save under exceptional circumstances. + +Four Courts are held during each year at Buckingham Palace, two before +and two after Easter, but due intimation is given previous to each Court +being held by the Lord Chamberlain through the medium of the official +_Gazette_, from whence it is copied into the newspapers. + +The wives of members of the Cabinet and of the ambassadors or ministers +at the Court of St. James's usually attend at each Court, and have the +privilege of doing so by reason of the official presentations made by +them at each Court. + + +=It is compulsory for a Lady= making a presentation to be herself +present at the Court at which the presentation is to be made, though it +is not necessary for her to accompany the person whom she presents, but +simply to attend the same Court. + + +=When a Lady intends making a Presentation= she should, on or after the +1st of January write to the Lord Chamberlain and inform him of a wish +to attend a Court, and forward the name of the lady to be presented by +her. + + +=Ladies are not expected= to attend Court more than once in every three +years, unless under exceptional circumstances. + + +=A Lady attending a Court= may present one lady in addition to her +daughter or daughter-in-law. + + +=A Lady presented for the First Time= can only present her daughter or +daughter-in-law at the Court at which she is presented. + + +=No Applications can be received= from ladies who wish to be presented. +Their names must be forwarded by the ladies who wish to make the +presentations. + + +=Summonses are issued= about three weeks before the date of each Court. + +Ladies may be accompanied to Court by their husbands if the latter have +been presented, but gentlemen do not pass before the King and Queen. +Ladies are requested to forward the names of their husbands at the same +time as their own, in order that they may be submitted together, as once +the summons has been issued the amending of a summons card in order to +include a lady's husband can only be permitted under the most +exceptional circumstances. + + +=Those who have the Privilege of the Entree= enter at the gate of the +Palace situated outside Buckingham Gate. Those who possess this +privilege are the diplomatic circle, the Cabinet ministers and their +wives, and the members of the Household. The rooms, two in number, next +to the Presence Chamber, are appropriated to them. All who have the +privilege of the _entree_ are received by Their Majesties before the +general circle, and according to their individual precedency, and they +have also the privilege of making the first presentations. + + +=When a Lady arrives at the Palace= she should leave her wraps in the +cloak-room with one of the maids in attendance. After crossing the Great +Hall, she then makes her way up the Grand Staircase to the Corridor, +where she shows her invitation-card to the page-in-waiting, and then +passes on to one of the saloons. + +When a lady arrives early she gains admission to the saloon next to +those reserved for the _entree_. When she arrives late she has to take +her place in a further room of the suite according to the number of +persons present. + +The gentlemen-at-arms stationed at the door of each room close the gilt +barriers when they consider the saloons are full. Chairs and benches are +placed in the corridor and in these saloons for the accommodation of +ladies thus waiting their turn to enter the Throne-room or Presence +Chamber. + +As the ladies quit each room for the Presence Chamber, others take their +places, and the barriers are again closed, and this is continued until +every one has been received. + +A lady has to pass through the two _entree_ saloons before reaching the +Picture Gallery. + +At the door of the Picture Gallery a lady's train, which she has +hitherto carried on her arm, is let down by two officials in attendance, +and spread out by them with their wands; she should cross the gallery +with her train down to the Presence Chamber, at the door of which she +should give the card of invitation she has brought with her to the +official stationed there to receive it. + + +=A Lady on being presented=, curtsys to the King and curtsys to the +Queen. The King bows in return, as does also the Queen. A lady presented +does not kiss the Queen's hand, as she formerly did. The King does not +shake hands with any present, however high their rank may be, neither +does the Queen shake hands with any present. + +A lady on being presented does not now curtsy to any member of the +Royal Family when she has passed Their Majesties, and leaves the +Presence Chamber, stepping backwards, facing the royal party, until +making her exit from the apartment, when an official places her train on +her arm at the threshold of the doorway. + + +=When a Lady wishes to attend a Court=, after having been duly +presented, it is necessary to inform the Lord Chamberlain of her wish to +attend. Summonses are issued about three weeks before the date of each +Court. + +Having received a summons to attend a Court she should take the summons +card with her, which she should show to the page-in-waiting in the +corridor, and eventually hand it to the official stationed at the door +of the Presence Chamber, by whom it is passed on to the Lord +Chamberlain, who announces the name to Their Majesties. + +A lady attending a Court curtsys to the King; she also curtsys to the +Queen, but does not curtsy to any other member of the Royal Family +present. + + +=In the General Circle there is no Precedency= as to the order in which +ladies attending a Court enter the Presence Chamber. The earliest +arrivals are the first to appear before Their Majesties, without +reference to rank or position; and the same rule applies to ladies who +are presented, or to ladies who make presentations. + + +=A Married Lady presented at a Court= can, at the same Court, present +her daughter or daughter-in-law; but in this case the one presented by +her should enter the Presence Chamber after her, and not before her. + +Although, according to present regulations, the unmarried daughters of +members of the nobility and gentry who have already been presented are +only expected to attend a Court once in every three years, it will not +prevent their being invited to Court functions, to the State balls, +concerts, and garden parties. + + +=Ladies who have been presented at a Court= have the privilege of +writing their names in Their Majesties' visiting book at Buckingham +Palace once during the season. The hours of calling for this purpose are +generally from three to five o'clock in the afternoon. + + +=It is Imperative for Ladies to wear Full Court Dress= when attending or +being presented at a Court, viz. low bodice, short sleeves, and train to +dress not less than three yards in length from the shoulders. + +Whether the train is cut round or square is a matter of inclination or +fashion. The width at the end should be 54 inches. + +It is also imperative that a presentation-dress should be white, if the +person presented be an unmarried lady; and it is also the fashion for +married ladies to wear white on their presentation, unless their age +renders their doing so unsuitable. + +The white dresses worn by either _debutantes_ or married ladies may be +trimmed with either coloured or white flowers, according to individual +taste. + + +=High Court Dress.=--The Queen has been pleased to permit that a high +Court dress of silk, satin, or velvet, may be worn at Their Majesties' +Courts, and on other State occasions, by ladies, to whom, from illness, +infirmity, or advancing age, the present low Court dress is +inappropriate, viz.: Bodices in front, cut square, or heart-shaped, +which may be filled in with white only, either transparent or lined; at +the back, high, or cut down three-quarters height. Sleeves to elbow, +either thick or transparent. + +Trains, gloves, and feathers as usual. + +It is necessary for ladies who wish to appear in "High Court Dress" to +obtain Royal permission, through the Lord Chamberlain. + +This regulation does not apply to ladies who have already received +permission to wear high dress. + + +=White gloves only should be worn=, excepting in case of mourning, when +black or grey gloves are admissible. + +As a lady on presentation does not now kiss the Queen's hand as formerly +she did, she is not required to remove the right-hand glove before +entering the Presence Chamber. This order, therefore, is no longer in +force, and a lady wearing elbow gloves and bracelets will find it a +great convenience not to be obliged to take off her glove. + + +=It is compulsory for both Married and Unmarried Ladies to Wear +Plumes.=--The married lady's Court plume consists of three white +feathers. + +An unmarried lady's of two white feathers. + + +=The three white feathers= should be mounted as a Prince of Wales' +plume, and worn towards the left-hand side of the head. + + +=Coloured feathers= may not be worn. + + +=In deep mourning= white feathers must be worn, black feathers are +inadmissible. + + +=White veils or lace lappets= must be worn with the feathers. The veils +should not be longer than 45 inches. + + +=Bouquets are not included= in the dress regulations issued by the Lord +Chamberlain, although they are invariably carried by both married and +unmarried ladies. It is thus optional to carry a bouquet or not, and +some elderly ladies carry much smaller bouquets than do younger ladies. + +A fan and a lace pocket-handkerchief are also carried by a lady on +presentation or on attending a Court, but these two items are also +altogether optional. + + + + +CHAPTER XI + +PRESENTATIONS AT LEVEES AND ATTENDING LEVEES + + +=Levees are held by the King= in person. Those who have been presented +at levees held by His late Majesty, King Edward, do not require to be +again presented to His Majesty King George. + + +=Four or more Levees are usually held every year= by the King at St. +James's Palace. + +Gentlemen are officially presented by the heads of any department or +profession to which they individually belong, whether civil or military, +naval or clerical; it is more usual for a gentleman to be presented by +the head of his department, or by the colonel of his regiment, than by +his nearest relative. + + +=Presentations are also made by Relatives= and friends of those +presented; but these are greatly in the minority at all levees. + + +=Gentlemen must be again presented= at every step in their career, +whether civil, military, naval, or clerical--on civil appointments, on +gaining steps of naval, military, legal, or clerical rank, and on +accession to title, whether inherited or conferred. + + +=Those entitled to be presented at His Majesty's Levees are= the members +of the aristocracy and gentry, the members of the diplomatic corps, the +Cabinet, and all leading Government officials, Members of Parliament, +leading members of the legal profession, the naval and military +professions, the leading members of the clerical profession, the leading +members of the medical and artistic professions, the leading bankers, +merchants, and members of the Stock Exchange, and persons engaged in +commerce on a large scale. An exception to the rule as regards retail +trade is made in favour of any person receiving Knighthood, or when +holding the office of Mayor, or being made a Justice of the Peace, or on +receiving a Commission in the Territorial forces. + +The dates on which levees are to be held are duly announced in the +_Gazette_, and in the daily newspapers. + +At all future levees cards of admission will be required, as the numbers +at each of these ceremonies must be limited. + +The Lord Chamberlain has issued the following revised list of rules, +which are to be observed at attendances and presentations in future-- + +All officers, whether on the active or retired lists, of the Royal Navy +and the Royal Marines, of whatever rank, should communicate with and +obtain their cards from the private secretary to the First Lord of the +Admiralty. All civil officers of the Admiralty should follow the same +rule. + +All officers, whether on the active or retired lists, of the Army, +Regulars or Territorials, of whatever rank, except those on the Indian +and Colonial Establishments, should communicate with and obtain their +cards from the Adjutant-General at the War Office, stating clearly at +which levee they desire to be present, and whether they wish to attend +or to be presented; if the latter, stating by whom and on what occasion. +Deputy lieutenants of counties should also communicate and obtain their +cards from the War Office. + +Officers of the Household Cavalry and Foot Guards on the active list +should make application to the Lord Chamberlain at St. James's Palace +for cards of admission and presentation. All retired Officers of the +Household Cavalry and Brigade of Guards should apply to the War Office. + +All officers of the Indian Civil Service and of the Indian Army, of +whatever rank, whether on the active or retired lists, should +communicate with and obtain their cards from the private secretary to +the Secretary of State at the India Office, Whitehall. + +All officers of the Colonial service and Colonial forces, of whatever +rank, whether on the active or retired lists, should communicate with +and obtain their cards from the Colonial Office, Whitehall. + +Similarly, all gentlemen connected with the Foreign Office, the Home +Office, officials connected with the Houses of Parliament, or any +Government department, should communicate with and obtain their cards +for attendance or presentation at levees from the department under which +they serve. + +Judges, law officers, King's Counsel, and all legal officials holding +appointments under the Crown are requested to make their applications +through the secretary to the Lord Chancellor. + +Peers, bishops, Lords-Lieutenants of Counties, Members of Parliament, +clergy of all denominations, and all gentlemen, other than the +above-mentioned, should communicate with the Lord Chamberlain at St. +James's Palace, when they will each be furnished with a card of +admission for use at the levee. + +The names both for attendance and presentation must be received at the +various offices above indicated not later than eight days prior to the +date of each levee, but in the case of officers, who make application to +the War Office, fourteen days before the date of each levee. + + +=When a Gentleman makes a Presentation= it is compulsory for him to +attend the same levee as the person whom he presents, and the card of +presentation is sent to him to be forwarded to the person to be +presented. + + +=A Gentleman on being presented= should bow to the King, and His Majesty +will bow to him in return. Gentlemen attending a levee should also bow +to His Majesty. + + +=Gentlemen who have been presented= at a levee have the privilege of +writing their names in His Majesty's visiting book at Buckingham Palace +once during the season. The hours of calling for this purpose are +generally from three to five o'clock in the afternoon. + + +=The Dress to be worn at Courts, State Functions and Levees.=--Full +dress uniform is invariably worn by all gentlemen entitled to wear it. +All officers of Scottish kilted corps should wear the kilt irrespective +of their being mounted officers or not. Gentlemen who do not wear +uniform may wear either velvet Court dress, new style; velvet Court +dress, old style; cloth Court dress. + +The new style velvet Court dress is of black silk velvet. The body of +the coat lined with white silk and the skirt with black silk. Steel +buttons. Waistcoat of white satin or black silk velvet. Breeches of +black silk velvet, black silk hose, patent leather shoes, steel buckled; +white bow necktie, white gloves, sword, black beaver or silk cocked hat. +The velvet Court dress, old style, is very similar to the foregoing, +with the addition of a black silk wig-bag at the back of the neck, and +lace frills and ruffles. The cloth Court dress consists of a coat of +dark mulberry, claret, or green cloth with black silk linings, gold +embroidery on collar, cuffs, and pocket flaps, gilt buttons with +Imperial Crown; waistcoat of white corded silk or white Marcella; +breeches of cloth, colour of coat; black silk hose, patent leather +shoes, sword, white bow necktie, white gloves, black beaver or silk +cocked hat. + +Levee dress is identical with the foregoing except that trousers--with a +row of narrow gold lace down the side seams--are worn, and not +breeches. Military patent leather boots. + + +=Archbishops and Bishops= at Levees and Courts wear Convocation robes, +viz. scarlet cloth chimere, without hood; purple cassock and sash, lawn +rochet with sleeves, white cambric bands, black silk scarf, black +breeches, silver knee buckles, black silk stockings, shoes with silver +buckles; purple or black velvet square soft cap to be carried. At +Evening State Functions and Full Dress Dinners they wear a purple cloth +Court coat over a short cassock or apron, sash of purple silk, black +breeches, black silk stockings, shoes with silver buckles; black corded +silk three-cornered hat to be carried. + + +=Deans and Archdeacons= at Evening State Functions wear the same dress +as bishops except that the coat and short cassock are black. Doctors of +Divinity at Levees and Courts wear the scarlet cloth robe of their +University, without hood. + + +=Clergy if not Doctors of Divinity= at Levees and Courts wear full +canonicals, that is, a black silk Geneva gown, double-breasted; black +silk long cassock and sash, scarf and white lawn bands, black breeches, +silver knee buckles, black silk stockings, shoes with silver buckles, +black corded silk three-cornered hat. At Full Dress Dinners and Evening +State Parties when canonicals are not worn, they wear a black cloth +Court coat, cassock, waistcoat of black corded silk, black breeches, +black silk stockings, shoes, silver buckles; black corded silk +three-cornered hat to be carried. White gloves are worn at all Court +functions. The academical habit should not be worn at Court except when +addresses are presented from the Universities. + +When the Court is in mourning, gentlemen attending a levee are expected +to wear a band of black crape on the left arm above the elbow. + + + + +CHAPTER XII + +BALLS AND STATE BALLS + + +=Balls= are given in town and country by society at large, and these +invitation balls include Hunt Balls, Military and Naval Balls, Yeomanry +and Territorial Balls, Bachelors' Balls, etc. + + +=Public Balls= are those balls for which tickets of admission can be +purchased, although for many of these balls it is necessary to obtain +vouchers from the committees or patronesses, when held in town or at +watering-places. + +Public balls include County Balls, Charity Balls, and Subscription +Balls, etc. + + +=In Town, Ball-giving= is in a way a science, and an amusement upon +which large sums of money are frequently expended. + + +=A Crowded Ball= is not always pronounced a good ball by the guests, +often the contrary, but then, again, what is termed a thin ball is open +to the accusation of not going off well, and falling rather flat; of not +being kept up with spirit, and of being considered a stupid ball, and so +on. + +To hit upon a happy medium with regard to the number of guests is an +achievement in ball-giving which is only arrived at by a careful study +of the map of the county, and a judicious selection of night. This +selection is of paramount importance to the success of a ball, as when a +smarter ball is given at a smarter house on the particular evening +chosen by the giver of a less brilliant ball, the grander ball +extinguishes the lesser ball, through the most fashionable people merely +looking in at the one, and remaining the rest of the evening at the +other. This putting out as it were of the lesser light, occurs very +frequently during the London season to ball-givers moving in the same +sets. The guests who have been expected to add lustre to the lesser +balls appear but for a few minutes, and usually arrive rather early, +uncomplimentarily early, at perhaps a little before eleven, and remain +hardly half an hour in the rooms, making their way to another ball of +the same calibre, and remaining there perhaps another twenty minutes, +before arriving at the goal, viz. _the_ ball of the evening. Both ladies +and gentlemen follow this practice, thus, at a little after twelve, an +average ball-giver finds her rooms deserted by all but those who have +nowhere else to go. Although the flitting of the guests thus early is a +disappointment to the hostess, and although it does not prevent the +fleeting ball-givers from making suitable returns by placing the family +on their ball lists, it yet greatly mars the enjoyment of the ball, and +prevents its being looked back upon with anything approaching to +pleasure or satisfaction, the departure of the most eligible partners +being not the least of the vexations of the night. + +These _contretemps_ are sometimes unavoidable; but, when practicable, it +is always best to postpone a ball rather than to allow it to clash with +a ball of greater pretensions. + +An impromptu dance is often a great success, while an impromptu ball is +almost as certain to prove a great failure. + + +=The Difference between a Dance and a Ball= consists in the number of +the invitations issued, in the strength of the band, and the extent of +the supper arrangements. + +At a dance the number of the guests varies from eighty to two hundred; +at a ball they vary from two hundred to five hundred. + +At a dance a piano band is frequently engaged, while at a ball a full +band is requisite. At a ball the floral decorations are a great feature, +at a small dance they are often dispensed with. Ladies new to society as +it were, or whose circle of acquaintance is of a limited character, and +who do not number in that circle many ball-givers, and who yet desire to +form a ball acquaintance, frequently place their ball in the hands of +some intimate friend of higher standing than themselves, giving her +_carte blanche_ to form a ball list. When this plan is followed, +invitations are still sent out by the ball-giver; in every case the name +and compliments of the lady who forms the list are sent with the card. + +This plan, although of advantage to the hostess, is often productive of +much unpleasantness to her unfashionable friends, who are naturally very +much affronted at being excluded from the ball list, which they usually +are, as a lady who undertakes to form a ball list for a friend is not a +little arbitrary as to the conditions under which she assumes its +management. She naturally wishes the ball to be confined to her own set, +to the exclusion of what she terms all outsiders. + +Ladies are always more or less reluctant to yield up their ball to the +exclusion of their old friends, however anxious they may be to make new +ones. But when a ball is thus given it is thoroughly understood that +conditions, however stringent, must be complied with. + + +=A Hostess should receive her Guests= at the head of the staircase at a +ball given in town, and at the door of the ball-room at a country house +ball. She should shake hands with each guest in the order of their +arrival. + +The ladies of a party should advance towards the hostess, followed by +the gentlemen of their party. + +A lady and gentleman should not ascend the staircase arm-in-arm, or make +their entrance into the ball-room arm-in-arm. The gentlemen invariably +enter the ball-room after the ladies of their party, and never before +them, or arm-in-arm with them. A ball is usually opened either by the +hostess herself, or by one of her daughters. + + +=Opening a Fancy Dress Ball= simply signifies dancing in the first +quadrille. Opening a dance means dancing the first valse. + +When a member of the Royal Family, or a foreign prince, is expected, +dancing should not commence until the arrival of the royal guest; and +when the royal guest is a lady, the host should open the ball with her, +having his wife or daughter as _vis-a-vis_. When the royal guest is a +prince, the hostess or her daughter should open the ball with him. + +When a prince wishes to dance with any lady present, with whom he is +unacquainted, his equerry informs her of the prince's intention, and +conducts her to the prince, saying as he does so, "Mrs. A----, your +Royal Highness" or "Miss B----, your Royal Highness." The prince bows +and offers her his arm; the lady should curtsy and take it. She should +not address him until addressed by him, it not being considered +etiquette to do so. The same course is followed by a princess; strangers +to the princess should not ask her to dance, but the host has the +privilege of doing so. When more than one royal personage is present, +the one of the highest rank leads the way, with either hostess or host. +(See Chapter V.) + + +=Royal Guests= should be received by the host and hostess at the +entrance of the mansion, and by them conducted to the ball-room. At +ball-suppers the same precedence is strictly in force, the royal guests +leading the way with host or hostess (see p. 49). + +The same etiquette should be observed on the departure of royal guests +as on their arrival. + + +=General Introductions= should not be made to royal guests, and +introductions should be made by request only. + +Gentlemen present at a ball are expected to ask the daughters of the +house for one dance at least. + +A hostess should use her own discretion as to any introduction she +thinks proper to make. When a ball is given in the country, the hostess +should endeavour to find partners for those young ladies who are +strangers to the general company. But when a ball is given in town, she +is not expected to do so, as in town the guests are supposed to be +acquainted with each other more or less, and to be independent of the +kind offices of a hostess. + + +=The Dances mainly in vogue at the moment= are, "Valses," "The Boston," +"Two Steps," and "The Cotillon," in which handsome presents are given. +"Quadrilles" are danced at "State Balls," and at those balls at which +the King and Queen are present. Also at "Fancy Dress Balls." "Lancers" +are danced occasionally at "Hunt Balls." + + +=The Precedency observed= in sending guests in to supper is far more +punctiliously followed in the country than in town. The host should take +in the lady of highest rank present, and the hostess should endeavour to +send in the principal guests according to their individual rank; but in +town she generally leaves the guests to follow the host and lady of +highest rank according to their inclinations, a guest should not enter +the supper-room before the host has done so. + +When a gentleman takes a lady in to supper, he should re-conduct her to +the ball-room as a matter of course; the fact of friends joining her in +the supper-room would not relieve him from this obligation. And the same +etiquette applies equally to a lady. She should return to the ball-room +only with the gentleman who has taken her down to supper, unless she is +engaged for the ensuing dance, when her partner might come in quest of +her; she should then return to the ball-room with him. + +It is not usual for guests to take leave of a hostess at a London ball. +This remark applies to acquaintances of the hostess, and not to intimate +friends. + +At a country ball the guests are on a more friendly footing than is +generally the case in town; and, therefore, make a point of taking leave +of the hostess if possible. + +It is optional whether a host conducts a lady to her carriage or not. In +the country more is expected of him than in town in this respect, as at +a London ball, such a civility would involve a vast amount of exertion +which few hosts would be willing to undergo: ladies accompanied by an +acquaintance generally make their way to their carriages. + + +=The Custom of covering in Small Balconies= and the windows of the +drawing-rooms where a ball takes place, rendering the atmosphere of the +room almost insupportable from the total exclusion of air, is fast +disappearing. The space gained by this means for the accommodation of +the guests is totally disproportionate to the discomfort thereby +entailed upon them. + +Ball-givers have at length realised the mistake of crowding two hundred +to three hundred people together into rooms not properly ventilated, and +it is now the rule, when covering in balconies, to introduce window +frames into the bunting covering, and to drape them with lace curtains, +etc., the windows of the ball-room being entirely removed. + +Large blocks of ice are frequently placed in convenient spots for the +purpose of cooling the atmosphere, and coloured ice produces a pretty +effect. + +Patent ventilators are also much in use, and the substitution of +electric lighting, on account of its emitting little heat, has become +general. + +Ball-goers appreciate these alterations as only those who have +experienced the close, stifling atmosphere of an over-crowded ball-room +can do, and as half the London ball-rooms are only average-sized +drawing-rooms, the absurdity of excluding air from the ball-room with +yards of thick canvas cannot be too severely criticised. + +Ball-givers, too, frequently issue far more invitations than the size of +their rooms authorises, under the mistaken idea that to have a great +crowd in their rooms is to give a good ball. + +But experienced ball-givers limit the number of their invitations to +under two hundred, instead of expanding it to over three hundred. + + +=The Country Ball Season= ostensibly commences in November, reaches its +zenith in January, and terminates early in February. + +The stewards of these balls are, as a rule, the representatives of the +various classes by whom they are attended; the members of the +aristocracy residing in the county heading the list of stewards, and the +members of the professional classes usually closing it. + +The top of the ball-room is, as a rule, appropriated by the aristocratic +element, head stewards and "lady patronesses." + +The enjoyment derived from country balls depends upon a variety of +circumstances, which do not influence in a like degree the ball-going +world of London. + + +=County Balls= are principally composed of a series of large parties +brought by different ladies in the neighbourhood where the ball is held; +but there are two classes of county balls, balls which are held in large +and populous towns and attended by the principal residents of the towns, +with only a small sprinkling of the county aristocracy and county +gentry. + +There are also Hunt Balls and annual Charity Balls which take place +between October and February, and which are an amalgamation of both +classes of balls. + +The neighbourhood where a ball is held is a sufficient indication as to +whether it is likely to be a smart one or not. + +As a rule the leading ladies of a county lend their names as patronesses +and supporters of a charity ball, although it by no means follows that +they will personally attend it; but a long list of influential +patronesses materially increases the sale of tickets, which is the +result to be achieved. + +A large attendance is not the primary object of a county ball, as the +sum raised by the sale of tickets is only required to defray the +expenses of the ball, although these are sometimes considerable, +especially when the decorations are elaborate, and the arrangements on a +grand scale, in which case there is not seldom a deficiency rather than +a surplus, which deficiency is defrayed by the stewards themselves. + +To ensure a good ball considerable unanimity on the part of the county +ladies is demanded, and they usually meet and consult together previous +to fixing the date of the ball, to take into consideration the fixtures +of neighbouring county balls, and so avoid the possibility of the said +balls clashing with their own county ball, and also with a view of +perhaps attracting the house parties of their more distant neighbours to +swell the numbers at their own ball. + +House parties invited for a ball vary from ten to twenty-five, as the +accommodation of a house admits. + +It is not the province of the stewards of a ball to find partners for +either ladies or gentlemen, and therefore, if a lady does not form one +of a large party, but merely attends a county ball with a relative or +friend, and has not a large acquaintance amongst these present, she has +very little chance of obtaining partners. + +Young ladies do not now return to their chaperons after each dance, or +after they have been to the tea-room. + +A gentleman should offer his arm to his partner at the conclusion of a +dance to conduct her to the tea-room. In round dances, it is customary +to take frequent pauses, and not to race round the ball-room until the +music ceases. + +At country balls programmes are invariably used; at London balls they +are never used, save at public balls. + +County balls usually commence between nine and ten o'clock, sometimes a +ball is not opened until the most influential of the stewards and their +parties have arrived, but oftener than not the two first dances are over +before the arrival of the county magnates. + +It depends upon the length of the drive at what time people arrive at a +ball; as a rule, they do not arrive later than 10.30 p.m. + +The usual mode of conveying a house-party to a ball is by private +omnibus in addition to carriages and motor-cars; but when these are +hired for the occasion the expense should be defrayed by the guests +themselves. + +It is usual to leave a country ball not later than half-past two; the +most fashionable people invariably do so about that hour. + +As a matter of course persons attending public balls take their ball +tickets with them. + + +=When attending a Military Ball=, or a Hunt Ball, it is usually the rule +to take the invitation card and hand it to the sergeant or official in +attendance. + +It is sometimes stated on the invitation card that this is to be done, +although it is often taken for granted that persons will do so of their +own accord. + +At balls given by private individuals, the invited guests should not +bring their invitation cards with them, unless in the case of a _bal +masque_, where they are sometimes requested to do so. + +In giving a ball three weeks' notice is considered necessary, but with +regard to a dance a short ten days' notice would suffice. + + +=The Invitation Card= is the usual "at home" card, the word "Dancing" +being printed in the corner of the card. + +The word "ball" should never be used on an invitation card, however +grand the entertainment; and the same form of invitation is employed +either in the case of a small dance or of a large ball, though in the +event of a small dance only being given, the words "Small" or "Early" +should be written or printed on the invitation card. + +Invitations to a ball should be issued in the name of the hostess only. + +When the host is a widower, with a grown-up daughter, the invitations +should be issued in their joint names. + +When the host is a widower, or a bachelor, they should be issued in his +name. + +Invitations issued by officers, members of hunt committees, bachelors, +etc., to their balls, either request the pleasure or the honour of Mrs. +----'s company; but this formula should not be used by ladies when +issuing invitations; the "at home" card should simply bear the word +"Dancing" on the bottom of the card, the hour and date filled in in the +allotted space, the name of the guest written at the top of the card. + +In the case of a written invitation, it would be correct to use the +words "ball" or "dance" when alluding to the entertainment about to be +given, in a friendly note. + +A lady or gentleman might ask for an invitation for his or her friend to +a ball given by an acquaintance, although the acquaintanceship were of a +slight character; but a lady or gentleman should not ask for an +invitation to a ball if unacquainted with the giver of it. The fact of +mutual friends having received invitations to a ball gives no claim upon +the hospitality of a stranger, therefore such requests are inadmissible. + +The proper course for a person to pursue in the event of desiring an +invitation to a ball given by some one with whom he or she is +unacquainted, is to request some mutual friend to obtain one; and this +course is always followed. + + +=Cards should be left= by the guests present at a ball within the +current week if possible. (See Chapter III.) + + +=Gratuities= should never be given by the guests to the servants of the +house where a ball is given. + + +=State Balls.=--Two State Balls are annually given at Buckingham Palace +during the London season by command of His Majesty. Invitations are +issued by the Lord Chamberlain, but His Majesty previously revises the +list. + +When ladies and gentlemen attend a State Ball at Buckingham Palace they +make their way to the ball-room _unannounced_; and there is no official +reception accorded to them, either by "Royalty" or by the Lord +Chamberlain. + +Dancing does not commence until the arrival of the royal party, when the +guests rise and remain standing while the Royal Quadrille--with which +the ball opens--is being danced. + +The King and Queen act as host and hostess on these occasions, but +confine their attentions to those with whom they are personally +acquainted. + +Ladies attending a State Ball at Buckingham Palace should wear the usual +full evening dress; but they should not wear Court trains, or plumes, or +lappets. + +Gentlemen attending State Balls should wear uniform or full Court +dress--dress coat, breeches and silk stockings, shoes and buckles; +trousers can only be worn as part of a uniform, and not with a Court +dress as generally worn at a levee. + +A gentleman intending to dance should remove his sword, otherwise he +should not do so. + +When the Court is in mourning, ladies attending a State Ball should wear +mourning according to the official notice which duly appears in the +_Gazette_. + +Gentlemen should wear crape on the left arm, which is supplied in the +cloak-room of the Palace to those who have forgotten to provide +themselves with it, as it is imperative, when the Court is in mourning, +that a band of crape should be worn at either State Ball or State +Concert. + +The balls given by the princes and princesses of the blood royal are not +State Balls, therefore Court dress is not worn by the gentlemen present. + +They act as host and hostess at the balls given by them and receive +their guests, shaking hands with them as they are announced. + +Ladies and gentlemen do not take their cards of invitation with them to +Buckingham Palace. + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +DINNER GIVING AND DINING OUT + + +=Dinner= giving is perhaps the most important of all social observances, +therefore dinner-parties rank first amongst all entertainments. + +Dinner giving is so thoroughly understood to rest upon the principle of +an equivalent, that those who do not give dinners hardly come within the +category of diners out. This rule, however, is open to many exceptions +in favour of privileged individuals, popular and prominent members of +society whose presence at dinner-parties is appreciated and welcomed in +most circles. + +Dinner-parties are of more frequent occurrence, and are of more social +significance, than any other form of entertainment. + + +=Dinner Invitations.=--An invitation to dinner conveys a greater mark of +esteem, or friendship and cordiality, towards the guest invited, than is +conveyed by an invitation to any other social gathering, it being the +highest compliment, socially speaking, that is offered by one person to +another. It is also a civility that can be readily interchanged, which +in itself gives it an advantage over all other civilities. + +The orthodox dinner giver must necessarily possess a certain amount of +wealth, and wealth and wit do not always go hand in hand. Oftener than +not, the former rather overweights the latter; hence, the introduction +of a lighter element in the form of amusing people whose _metier_ in +life it is to be amusing and to appear amused. + +Dinner giving is in itself not only a test of the position occupied in +society by the dinner giver, but it is also a direct road to obtaining a +recognised place in society. A means of enlarging a limited acquaintance +and a reputation for giving good dinners is in itself a passport to +fashionable society. Dinner giving, in the fullest sense of the word, is +a science not easily acquired, so much depending on the talent which the +host or hostess may possess for organising dinner-parties. + +When a large dinner-party is contemplated, it is usual to give three +weeks' notice, but of late this notice has been extended to four, five, +and even six weeks. + +Diners out are rather inclined to rebel against this innovation, +considering that an invitation bearing the date of a month hence pledges +them to remain in town, and as it were controls their movements, for the +acceptance of an invitation is in the eyes of diners out a binding +obligation; only ill-health, family bereavement, or some all-important +reason justifies its being set on one side or otherwise evaded. + +Those inconsiderate enough to make trivial excuses at the last moment +are not often retained on the dinner-list of a host or hostess. + +Dinner invitations are issued in the joint names of host and hostess. + +The master of the house occupies a prominent position amongst his +guests, when dispensing hospitality as a "dinner giver." + +From five to ten days' notice is considered sufficient for invitations +to small and unceremonious dinner-parties. + +Printed cards are in general use in town for issuing dinner invitations, +and can be purchased from any stationer; these cards only require to be +filled in with the names of host and hostess and guests, date, hour, and +address. The united names of the host and hostess should be written in +the space left for that purpose. Thus, "Mr. and Mrs. A.," and the name +or names of the guests in the next vacant space. + +When invitations are issued for small dinner-parties, it is more usual +to write notes than to make use of printed cards. + +Acceptances or refusals of dinner invitations should be sent with as +little delay as possible after the invitations have been received. It is +a want of courtesy on the part of a person invited not to do so, as a +hostess is otherwise left in doubt as to whether the person invited +intends dining with her or not, and is consequently unable to fill up +the vacant place with an eligible substitute; thus rendering her +dinner-party an ill-assorted one. + +An answer to an invitation cannot be solicited in a subsequent note; it +is therefore incumbent upon the invited person to dispatch an answer +within a day or two at least. Dinner invitations are either sent by post +or by a servant, and the answers are also conveyed in a like manner. + +Dinner invitations are invariably sent out by the hostess. + +It is not usual in town to invite more than three members of one family; +it is now the custom to ask young ladies with their parents to +dinner-parties. + + +=Receiving Dinner-Guests.=--The guests should arrive within fifteen +minutes of the hour named on the invitation card. + +On no occasion is punctuality more imperative than in the case of dining +out; formerly many allowed themselves great latitude in this respect, +and a long wait for the tardy guests was the result. A host and hostess +frequently waited over half an hour for expected guests. But now +punctuality has become the rule in the highest circles, and dinner is +served within twenty minutes of the arrival of the first guest. In +general, people much given to dining out make a point of arriving in +good time; but there are many in society who presume upon their +position, and are proverbially unpunctual, knowing that in the height of +the season a hostess would wait half an hour rather than sit down to +dinner without them; but this want of consideration soon becomes known +in their different sets, and is always taken into account when "their +company is requested at dinner." + +In France, it is not the rule, or the custom, to wait dinner for late +arrivals, and the dinner is served punctually to the hour named in the +invitation. + +The dinner-hour varies from eight to nine, although perhaps 8.30 is the +most usual hour. In the country it ranges from 7.30 to 8.30. + +Punctuality on the part of the guests enables the hostess to make any +introductions she may consider advisable before dinner is served. + +The host and hostess should be in readiness to receive their guests in +the drawing-room at the hour specified on the card. + +On arrival, a lady should take off her cloak in the cloak-room, or +should leave it in the hall with the servant in attendance, before +entering the drawing-room. + +A gentleman should leave his overcoat and hat in the gentlemen's +cloak-room, or in the hall. + +At large dinner-parties, the butler is stationed on the staircase, and +announces the guests as they arrive. At small dinner-parties, or where +only one man-servant is kept, the servant precedes the guest or guests +on their arrival, to the drawing-room. The guests should then give their +names to the servant, that he may announce them. + +A lady and gentleman, on being announced, should not enter the +drawing-room arm-in-arm or side by side. The lady or ladies, if more +than one, should enter the room in advance of the gentleman, although +the servant announces "Mr., Mrs., and Miss A." + +The host and hostess should come forward and shake hands with each guest +on arrival. The ladies should at once seat themselves, but gentlemen +either stand about the room and talk to each other, or sit down after a +wait of some minutes. + +When a lady is acquainted with many of the guests present, she should +not make her way at once to shake hands with all, but should make an +opportunity to do so in an unobtrusive manner; it would be sufficient to +recognise them by a nod or a smile in the mean time. A lady should bow +to any gentleman she knows, and he should cross the room to shake hands +with her at once if disengaged. + +At a small dinner-party, where the guests are unacquainted, the hostess +should introduce the persons of highest rank to each other; but at a +large dinner-party, she would not do so, unless she had some especial +reason for making the introduction. + +In the country, introductions at dinner-parties are far oftener made +than in town. + +Precedency is strictly observed at all dinner-parties. (See Chapter V.) + + +=Sending Guests in to Dinner.=--The host should take the lady of highest +rank present in to dinner, and the gentleman of highest rank should take +the hostess. This rule is absolute, unless the lady or gentleman of +highest rank is related to the host or hostess, in which case his or her +rank would be in abeyance, out of courtesy to the other guests. + +A husband and wife, or a father and daughter, or a mother and son, +should not be sent in to dinner together. + +A host and hostess should, if possible, invite an equal number of ladies +and gentlemen. It is usual to invite two or more gentlemen than there +are ladies, in order that the married ladies should not be obliged to go +in to dinner with each other's husbands only. Thus, Mrs. A. and Mr. B., +Mr. B. and Mrs. A., Mrs. B. should be taken in to dinner by Mr. C., and +Mr. A. should take Mrs. G., and so on. + +When ladies are in a majority at a dinner-party to the extent of two or +three, the ladies of highest rank should be taken in to dinner by the +gentlemen present, and the remaining ladies should follow by themselves; +but such an arrangement is unusual and undesirable, though sometimes +unavoidable when the dinner-party is an impromptu one, for instance, and +the notice given has been but a short one. + +If there should be one gentleman short of the number required, the +hostess frequently goes in to dinner by herself, following in the wake +of the last couple. + +The usual mode of sending guests in to dinner is for the host or hostess +to inform each gentleman, shortly after his arrival, which of the ladies +he is to take in to dinner. + +No "choice" is given to any gentleman as to which of the ladies he would +prefer taking in to dinner, it being simply a question of precedency. + +Should any difficulty arise as to the order in which the guests should +follow the host to the dining-room, the hostess, knowing the precedency +due to each of her guests, should indicate to each gentleman when it is +his turn to descend to the dining-room. He should then offer his arm to +the lady whom the host had previously desired him to take in to dinner. + +Dinner is announced by the butler or man-servant. + +When the guests have arrived, or when the host desires dinner to be +served, he should ring or inform the servant accordingly. + +On dinner being announced, the host should give his right arm to the +lady of highest rank present, and, with her, lead the way to the +dining-room, followed by the lady second in rank, with a gentleman +second in rank and so on. The gentleman of highest rank present should +follow last with the hostess. + +When the second couple are about to leave the drawing-room, the hostess +frequently requests each gentleman in turn to follow with a lady +according to the precedency due to each. Thus, "Mr. A., will you take +Mrs. B.?" This also answers the purpose of an introduction, should the +couple be unacquainted with each other, and the hostess has not found an +opportunity of introducing them to each other on their arrival. + +When a case of precedency occurs, in which either the lady or gentleman +must waive their right of precedence, that of the gentleman gives way to +that of the lady. (See Chapter V.) + +A gentleman should offer his right arm to a lady on leaving the +drawing-room. + +Ladies and gentlemen should not proceed to the dining-room in silence, +but should at once enter into conversation with each other. (See the +work entitled "The Art of Conversing.") + +On entering the dining-room the lady whom the host has taken in to +dinner should seat herself at his right hand. On the Continent this +custom is reversed, and it is etiquette for the lady to sit at the left +hand of the gentleman by whom she is taken in to dinner. + +The host should remain standing in his place, at the bottom of the +table, until the guests have taken their seats, and should motion the +various couples as they enter the dining-room to the places he wishes +them to occupy at the table. This is the most usual method of placing +the guests at the dinner-table. When the host does not indicate where +they are to sit, they sit near to the host or hostess according to +precedency. + +The host and hostess should arrange beforehand the places they wish +their guests to occupy at the dinner-table. + +If a host did not indicate to the guests the various places he wished +them to occupy, the result would probably be that husbands and wives +would be seated side by side, or uncongenial people would sit together. + +The custom of putting a card with the name of the guest on the table in +the place allotted to each individual guest is frequently followed at +large dinner-parties, and in some instances the name of each guest is +printed on a menu and placed in front of each cover. + +The host and the lady taken in to dinner by him should sit at the bottom +of the table. He should sit in the centre at the bottom of the table and +place the lady whom he has taken down at his right hand. The same rule +applies to the hostess. She should sit in the centre at the top of the +table, the gentleman by whom she has been taken in to dinner being +placed at her left hand. + +The lady second in rank should sit at the host's left hand. + +Each lady should sit at the right hand of the gentleman by whom she is +taken in to dinner. + +It is solely a matter of inclination whether a lady and gentleman, who +have gone in to dinner together, converse with each other only, or with +their right-and left-hand neighbours also, but they usually find some +topic of conversation in common, otherwise a dinner-party would prove +but a succession of _tete-a-tete_. + + +=The Menus= are placed the length of the table, on an average one to two +persons or occasionally one to each person, and the menu cards are +elaborate or simple, according to individual taste, and are purchased +printed for the purpose, having a space for the names of the dishes to +be filled in, which is usually done by the mistress of the house, unless +the establishment is on a large scale, it being usual to write them out +in French. + +Fanciful menu holders are much in use. + +The use of menus would be pretentious at a small dinner-party when there +is but little choice of dishes; but when there is a choice of dishes a +menu is indispensable. + + +=The Usual and Fashionable Mode of serving Dinner= is called _Diner a la +Russe_, although at small or friendly dinners the host sometimes prefers +to carve the joint himself in the first course, and the birds in the +second course. But dinner-tables, whether for dining _a la Russe_, or +for dining _en famille_, are invariably arranged in the same style, the +difference being merely the extent of the display made as regards +flowers, plate and glass, which are the accessories of the dining-table. + +When the host helps the soup, a small ladleful for each person is the +proper quantity; a soup-plate should not be filled with soup. + +When the party is a small one, and the joints or birds are carved by the +host, the portions should be handed to the guests in the order in which +they are seated, although occasionally the ladies are helped before the +gentlemen. + +The rule at all dinner-parties is for the servant to commence serving by +handing the dishes to the lady seated at the host's right hand, then to +the lady seated at the host's left hand, and from thence the length of +the table to each guest in the order seated, irrespective of sex. + +Double _entrees_ should be provided at large dinner-parties, and the +servants should commence handing the dishes at both sides of the table +simultaneously. + +_Diner a la Russe_ is the Russian fashion introduced into society many +years ago. The whole of the dinner is served from a side-table, no +dishes whatever being placed on the table save dishes of fruit. + + +=Dinner-table Decorations.=--As regards the most correct style of +dinner-table decorations, they offer great diversity of arrangement. + +High centre pieces and low centre pieces. Low specimen glasses placed +the length of the table and trails of creepers and flowers laid on the +table-cloth itself are some of the prevailing features of the day, but +table decorations are essentially a matter of taste rather than of +etiquette, and the extent of these decorations depends very much upon +the size of the plate chest and the length of the purse of the dinner +giver. + +The fruit for dessert is usually arranged down the centre of the table, +amidst the flowers and plate. Some dinner-tables are also adorned with a +variety of French conceits besides fruit and flowers; other +dinner-tables are decorated with flowers and plate only, the dessert not +being placed on the table at all; but this latter mode can only be +adopted by those who can make a lavish display of flowers and plate in +the place of fruit. + +As regards lighting the dinner table. Electric light is now in general +use in town, and more or less in the country when possible. When not +available, lamps and wax candles are used as heretofore. The shades in +use should be carefully chosen as they add greatly to the comfort of the +guests and to the success of the lighting. Silver candlesticks are often +fitted with small electric lamps, and handsome silver lamps are brought +into use in a similar manner for the dinner table. + +The term "cover" signifies the place laid at table for each person. It +consists of a table-spoon for soup, fish knife and fork, two knives, two +large forks, and glasses for wines given. For such arrangements see +chapter "Waiting at dinner" in the work entitled "Waiting at Table." + +Sherry is always drunk after soup, hock with the fish after the soup. +Champagne is drunk immediately after the first _entree_ has been served, +and during the remainder of dinner until dessert. Claret, sherry, port, +and Madeira are the wines drunk at dessert, and not champagne, as it is +essentially a dinner wine. When liqueurs are given they are handed after +the ices. + + +=Dinner-table Etiquette.=--Soup should be eaten with a table-spoon and +not with a dessert-spoon, it would be out of place to use a +dessert-spoon for that purpose. Dessert-spoons, as their name implies, +are intended for other purposes, such as for eating fruit-tarts, +custard-puddings, etc., or any sweet that is not sufficiently +substantial to be eaten with a fork. + +Fish should be eaten with a silver fork when possible, otherwise with a +silver fish knife and fork. + +All made dishes, such as _quenelles_, _rissoles_, patties, etc., should +be eaten with a fork only, and not with a knife and fork. + +For sweetbreads and cutlets, etc., a knife and fork are requisite; and, +as a matter of course, for poultry, game, etc. + +In eating asparagus, a knife and fork should be used, and the points +should be cut off and eaten with a fork as is sea-kale, etc. + +Salad should be eaten with a knife and fork; it is served on salad +plates, which are placed beside the dinner-plates. + +Cucumber is eaten off the dinner-plate, and not off a separate plate. + +Peas should be eaten with a fork. + +In eating game or poultry, the bone of either wing or leg should not be +touched with the fingers, but the meat cut close off the bone; and if a +wing it is best to sever it at the joint, by which means the meat is cut +off far more easily. + +Pastry should be eaten with a fork, but in the case of a fruit tart, a +dessert-spoon should be used as well as a fork, but only for the purpose +of conveying the fruit and juice to the mouth; and in the case of stone +fruit--cherries, damsons, plums, etc.--either the dessert-spoon or fork +should be raised to the lips to receive the stones, which should be +placed at the side of the plate; but when the fruit stones are of larger +size, they should be separated from the fruit with the fork and spoon, +and left on the plate, and not put into the mouth; and whenever it is +possible to separate the stones from the fruit it is best to do so. + +Jellies, blancmanges, ice puddings, etc., should be eaten with a fork, +as should be all sweets sufficiently substantial to admit of it. + +When eating cheese, small morsels of the cheese should be placed with +the knife on small morsels of bread, and the two conveyed to the mouth +with the thumb and finger, the piece of bread being the morsel to hold, +as cheese should not be taken up in the fingers, and should not be eaten +off the point of the knife.[3] + +The finger-glass should be removed from the ice-plate and placed on the +left-hand side of the dessert-plate. When ices are not given, the +d'oyley should be removed with the finger-glass and placed beneath it. + +When eating grapes, the half-closed hand should be placed to the mouth, +and the stones and skins allowed to fall into the fingers, and placed on +the side of the plate. Some persons bend the head so as to allow of the +stones and skins of the grapes falling on the side of the plate; but +this latter way is old-fashioned, and seldom followed. Cherries and +other small stone-fruit should be eaten in the way grapes are eaten, +also gooseberries. + +When strawberries and raspberries, etc., are not eaten with cream, they +should be eaten from the stalks; when eaten with cream, a dessert-spoon +should be used to remove them from the stalks. When served in the +American fashion without stalks, both fork and spoon should be used. + +Pears and apples should be peeled and cut into halves and quarters with +a fruit-knife and fork, as should peaches, nectarines, and apricots. + +Melons should be eaten with a spoon and fork. + +Pines with knife and fork. + +The dessert is handed to the guests in the order in which the dinner has +been served.[4] + +When the guests have been helped to wine, and the servants have left the +dining-room, the host should pass the decanters to his guests, +commencing with the gentleman nearest to him. + +It is not the fashion for gentlemen to drink wine with each other either +at dinner or dessert, and the guest fills his glass or not, according to +inclination. + +Ladies are not supposed to require a second glass of wine at dessert, +and passing the decanters is principally for the gentlemen. If a lady +should require a second glass of wine at dessert, the gentleman seated +next to her would fill her glass; she should not help herself to wine. +After the wine has been passed once around the table, or about ten +minutes after the servants have left the dining-room, the hostess should +give the signal for the ladies to leave the dining-room, by bowing to +the lady of highest rank present, seated at the host's right hand. She +should then rise from her seat, as should all the ladies on seeing her +do so. + +The gentlemen should rise also, and remain standing by their chairs +until the ladies have quitted the room, which they should do in the +order in which they have entered it, the lady of highest rank leading +the way, the hostess following last. + +The host, or the gentleman nearest the door, should open it for the +ladies to pass out, and close it after them. + +When the ladies have left the dining-room, the gentlemen should close up +as near to the host as possible, so as to render conversation general. + +The wines usually drunk by gentlemen after dinner are claret of a fine +quality, and port. + +The ladies on leaving the dining-room return to the drawing-room. Coffee +should be almost immediately brought to the drawing-room. The +coffee-cups containing coffee should be brought on a silver salver, with +a cream-jug and a basin of crystallised sugar. + +In large country houses coffee is sometimes brought in a silver +coffee-pot, and the lady would then pour out her own coffee, the servant +holding the salver the meanwhile. + +Coffee should be taken a few minutes later to the dining-room, and +either handed to the gentlemen, or placed on the table, that they may +help themselves (see the work previously referred to). + +A very general plan is, after the wine has gone round once or twice, for +the host to offer cigarettes, which are smoked before the gentlemen join +the ladies in the drawing-room. + +After coffee, the gentleman of highest rank should leave the dining-room +first. The host would not propose an adjournment to the drawing-room, +until he observed a wish to do so on the part of his guests, but there +is no hard and fast rule on this head. + +It is not now the fashion for gentlemen to sit over their wine beyond +fifteen or twenty minutes at the utmost, instead of as formerly, from +three-quarters of an hour to an hour, a change much appreciated by +hostesses. + +On the Continent the gentlemen accompany the ladies to the drawing-room, +and do not remain in the dining-room as in England. + +The gentleman of highest rank present could suggest an adjournment to +the drawing-room within a quarter of an hour if he thought proper to do +so. If the other guests were engaged in a discussion in which he did not +wish to take part, having suggested the adjournment, he could leave the +dining-room to join the ladies in the drawing-room; but as a rule, the +gentlemen leave the dining-room together, the host following last. + +The host should ring the dining-room bell before leaving the room, as an +intimation to the butler that the gentlemen have left the room. + +At ceremonious dinner-parties in town neither music nor cards are +introduced during the usual half-hour passed in the drawing-room before +the hour for departure. + +At country-house dinner-parties music or round games of cards are in +request. + + +=Departure after Dinner.=--There is no rule as to the order in which the +guests should take their leave. Half-past ten is the usual hour for +general departure; and the butler announces the several carriages as +they arrive to the guests in the drawing-room. But if any lady wished to +inquire if her carriage had arrived, she should ask the hostess's +permission to do so; and the bell would be rung for the purpose of +making the enquiry. The same remark applies to ordering a cab: the lady +should ask the hostess if one might be ordered for her. + +The hostess should shake hands with all her guests on their departure, +rising from her seat to do so. + +Each guest on departure should shake hands with both host and hostess. + +If, on leaving the room, acquaintances should pass each other, they +should wish each other good-night, but they should not make the tour of +the rooms for the purpose of so doing. + +The host should conduct one or two of the principal of his lady guests +to their carriages. + +The ladies should put on their cloaks in the cloak-room, the host +waiting in the hall meanwhile. + +A gentleman related to the host or hostess, or a friend of the family, +could offer to conduct a lady to her carriage if the host were otherwise +engaged. + + +=Gratuities= should never be offered by the guests at a dinner-party to +the servants in attendance. Gentlemen should not offer fees to the +men-servants, neither should ladies to the lady's-maid in attendance. + +The guests should call on the hostess within a week or ten days after a +dinner-party. If "not at home," a married lady should leave one of her +own cards and two of her husband's; a widow should leave one of her own +cards; a bachelor or a widower should leave two cards. + +The rule as to calling after dinner-parties is greatly relaxed between +intimate friends, and the call often omitted altogether; and this more +particularly as regards gentlemen, whose occupations during the day are +considered good and sufficient reasons for not calling. + + +=Country Dinner-Parties.=--In the country, new acquaintances, if +neighbours, should be asked to dinner within a month of the first call +if possible, and the return invitation should be given within the +following month. + +When guests are assembled at a country house, they are sent in to +dinner, on the first evening, according to their individual precedence; +but on subsequent evenings the gentlemen frequently draw lots to decide +which lady they shall have the pleasure of taking in to dinner, +otherwise a lady and gentleman would go in to dinner together five or +six consecutive times, according to the length of the visit, but this is +more a practice with people who march with the times, than with what are +termed "old-fashioned people." + +When a party is varied by additional dinner-guests each evening, drawing +lots gives way to precedency, it being too familiar a practice to be +adopted at a large dinner-party. + + +=Saying Grace=, both before and after dinner, is a matter of feeling +rather than of etiquette. It used to be very much the custom to say +"grace," but of late years it is oftener omitted than not, especially at +large dinner-parties in town. + +In the country, when a clergyman is present, he should be asked to say +grace. When grace is said by the host, it is said in a low voice, and in +a very few words; the guests inclining their heads the while. + +It was no rapid revolutionary change in manners that brought about the +difference that now exists between the Elizabethan and present eras; no +polished mentor came forward to teach that it was not the nicest and +cleanest thing to do, to put knives into the salt, to dip fingers into +plates, or to spread butter with the thumb; on the contrary, these +things righted themselves little by little, step by step, until the +present code of manners was arrived at. But it is quite possible that a +hundred years hence it will be discovered that the manners of the +present century offered wide scope for improvement. + +In the meantime these rules of etiquette observed in society are adhered +to and followed by those who do not wish to appear singular, eccentric, +old-fashioned, unconventional, or any other adjective that the temper of +their judges may induce them to apply to them for committing solecisms, +either small or great. + + +=Married Ladies, as a rule, dine out with their Husbands=, and do not +accept invitations to large dinners when their husbands are unable to +accompany them. There are, of course, exceptions to this rule, and +circumstances sometimes arise when it is greatly relaxed; but even in +this case it would be in favour of small and friendly dinners rather +than large ones. + +During any temporary absence of her husband, a lady would accept +invitations to dine with her relatives and intimate friends, though she +might refuse invitations to large dinners given by acquaintances; but, +as a rule, when it is well known that the head of a house is away for +any length of time, invitations are seldom sent to the wife by givers of +large dinners. + +When young ladies are invited to dinner they accompany their father, +mother or brother; but occasionally, when a young ladies' party is given +by a friend of their parents', the young ladies are invited alone, and +they should either go with their maid in a cab or by themselves in their +father's carriage. + + +FOOTNOTES: + +[3] Respecting the arrangement of the dinner table for dessert, see the +work entitled "Waiting at Table." + +[4] See the work entitled "Waiting at Table." + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +DINNER-TABLE ETIQUETTE + + +Fashion has its freaks and its vagaries, and in relation to inanimate +objects these freaks and vagaries are but transitory and evanescent, but +when they touch upon manners and modes they become a conventionality and +a custom perhaps for many a year. Changes and innovations, slight as +they are, are more subtle than sudden, and, paradoxical as it may seem, +they are as important as they are insignificant; still it is difficult +to believe that fingers once did duty for forks, and that it was not +customary for a host to supply his guests with forks, who, if fastidious +enough to require them, were expected to bring them in their pockets. + +There are here and there people in society who affect a few +eccentricities of manner, but these whims at all times take the form of +originalities and not of vulgarities; and even then are only indulged in +by those whose position in society is secure. + + +=As regards Dinner-table Etiquette.=--When a lady has taken her seat at +the dinner-table, she should at once remove her gloves; although +occasionally long elbow gloves are not removed during dinner, but this +is conspicuous and inconvenient. She should unfold her serviette and +place it on her lap. It is immaterial whether she places the bread on +the right or left-hand side of the cover when taking it from the +serviette. + +A gentleman should do the same with his serviette and bread, placing +the one across his knees, and the other at his right or left hand. + +When a lady is some little time taking off her gloves, she should remove +her serviette before doing so: otherwise a servant would offer her soup +before she had made room for the soup-plate by removing the serviette, +and she should decide quickly as to which of the two soups handed to her +she will take, so as not to keep the servant waiting; and so on through +every course throughout the dinner as regards fish, meat, etc. + + +=The guests should consult the menu= on first sitting down to dinner. +Eating soup comes first under notice. In olden days it was customary to +drink it out of a basin. In these days no one "drinks" soup, it is +"eaten"; whether it be mock turtle or the clearest julienne, it is eaten +out of a soup-plate at dinner, and with a table-spoon. + +There is a reason for this choice of spoons; soup is nothing if it is +not hot, and as it is the custom to give only about half a ladleful to +each person, it is eaten quicker, and therefore hotter, with a large +spoon than with a small one. + +There is also a good and sufficient reason for small quantities of soup +being given in lieu of large ones, viz. the extent of the menu; and when +a plateful of soup is handed to a guest accustomed to the regulation +supply, he fears that he is expected to dine off it, and that there is +nothing much to follow. + +Again, small helpings require a smaller quantity of soup to be provided, +and a servant is less likely to spill plates containing a little soup +than plates that are half full. + +At ball suppers, when soup is served in soup-plates, it is also eaten +with a table-spoon, but not when served in small cups. + +Many years ago it was fashionable to eat fish with a fork and a crust of +bread; previous to this a table-knife and fork were considered the +proper things to use for this purpose. It was then discovered that a +steel knife gave an unpalatable flavour to the fish, and a crust of +bread was substituted for the knife. This fashion lasted a considerable +time, in spite of the fingers being thus brought unpleasantly near to +the plate, and to this day old-fashioned people have a predilection for +that crust of bread. One evening a well-known diner-out discarded his +crust of bread, and ate his fish with two silver forks; this notion +found such general favour that society dropped the humble crust and took +up a second fork. This fashion had its little day, but at length the two +forks were found heavy for the purpose and not altogether satisfactory, +and were superseded by the dainty and convenient little silver +fish-knife and fork which are now in general use. + +Small pieces of fish should always be given, and two different sorts of +fish should not be placed on the same plate. + + +=When oysters are given= they precede the soup, and should be eaten with +a dinner-fork, not with a fish-fork. In eating oysters the shell should +be steadied on the plate with the fingers of the left hand, the oysters +should not be cut, but should be eaten whole. Very many ladies do not +eat oysters at dinner simply because they do not like them, while others +refuse them under the impression that it is more ladylike not to eat +them. Perhaps with regard to young ladies it is a taste to be acquired. +Some men are very, if not over, fastidious, about the appetites +displayed by ladies, and would have them reject the _entrees_ and dine +upon a slice of chicken and a spoonful of jelly. Others, on the +contrary, respect a good appetite as giving proof of good health and +good digestion. There is of course a medium in all things, and as large +dinners are ordered mainly with a view to please the palates of men with +epicurean tastes, it is not expected that ladies should eat of the most +highly seasoned and richest of the dishes given, but should rather +select the plainest on the menu. This remark more particularly applies +to young ladies and young married ladies, whilst middle-aged and elderly +ladies are at liberty to do pretty much as they please, without +provoking comment or even observation. + + +=With reference to entrees=, some are eaten with a knife and fork, +others with a fork only. All _entrees_ that offer any resistance to a +fork require the aid of both knife and fork, such as cutlets, _filet de +b[oe]uf_, sweetbreads, etc., but when _rissoles_, patties, _quenelles_, +boneless curry, _vol-au-vents_, _timbales_, etc., are eaten, the fork +only should be used. + +In the case of the lighter _entrees_, the contact of the knife is +supposed to militate against their delicate flavour; thus, for these +_bonnes bouches_ the fork is all-sufficient wherewith to divide and eat +them. + +The leg of a chicken, pheasant, duck, or wild duck should never be given +to a guest save on those occasions when there are more guests present +than there is meat from breasts and wings to offer them. Under these +circumstances the carver is reduced to the necessity of falling back +upon the legs of the birds, but in this case only the upper part of the +thigh should be given, thus a guest has little difficulty in cutting the +meat from the bone. A wing of a bird is usually given to a lady. +Formerly it was thought a correct thing to sever the wing at the joint +and then to cut the meat from the bone; but this requires a certain +amount of strength in the wrist, and dexterity, should the bird not be +in its _premiere jeunesse_. + +As regards small pigeons, golden plovers, snipe, quails, larks, etc., a +whole bird is given to each guest, and the proper way to eat these birds +is to cut the meat from the breast and wings and to eat each morsel at +the moment of cutting it; the bird should not be turned over and over on +the plate, or cut in half or otherwise dissected. The legs of Bordeaux +pigeons are not, as a rule, eaten, and half a bird only is given, as +there is sufficient on the wing and breast to satisfy an ordinary +second-course appetite. When the legs of smaller birds are eaten, such +as snipe or golden plover, the meat should be cut off as from the breast +or wing. + +Young girls, as a rule, seldom eat a second course delicacy of this +description; a little chicken or pheasant on the contrary is usually +accepted by them. + + +=When large potatoes are served= in their skins a salad-plate should be +handed at the same time whereon to place them. + + +=When asparagus first comes into season= it is often given in the second +course instead of in the first, in which case it is eaten as a separate +dish. When handed with meat or poultry it should be eaten on the same +plate containing either. + +In eating asparagus, some elderly gentlemen still adhere to the fashion +of their youth and hold the stalks in their fingers, but the younger +generation cut off the points with a knife and fork. + +Sea-kale also is given in the second course when first in season, and +should be eaten with a knife and fork. + +Mushrooms are also eaten with a knife and fork. + +It need hardly be said that it would be a vulgarity to eat peas with a +knife, although those who reside abroad, or who are in the habit of +travelling on the continent, are not unaccustomed to seeing this done by +foreigners who are well-bred men. + +Artichokes are, it may be said, an awkward and untidy vegetable to eat; +they are only given in the second course as a separate vegetable; the +outside leaves should be removed with the knife and fork, and the inner +leaves which surround the heart, or head of the artichoke should be +conveyed to the mouth with the fingers and sucked dry; epicures consider +this vegetable a dainty morsel, but at dinner-parties young ladies +should not attempt to eat these artichokes. + +Savouries, when possible, should be eaten with a fork, but occasionally +a knife also is of imperative use. + + +=As regards sweets=, _compotes_ of fruit and fruit tarts should be eaten +with a dessert-spoon and fork, as should those dishes where juice or +syrup prevails to the extent of rendering a dessert-spoon necessary. But +whenever it is possible to use a fork in preference to a spoon it is +always better to do so. + +Jellies, creams, blancmanges, ice puddings, etc., should be eaten with a +fork. + +As a matter of course, young ladies do not eat cheese at +dinner-parties. + + + + +CHAPTER XV + +EVENING PARTIES + + +=Evening Parties= are styled receptions or "at homes" according to the +number of guests invited. In official and political circles they are +invariably styled "Receptions," but when given on a smaller scale in +general society they are styled "At Homes." + + +=Invitations= to evening parties should be issued on "at home" cards. + +The name of the person invited should be written at the top of the card +at the right-hand corner, the words "at home" being printed beneath the +name of the lady issuing the invitation, the day and date beneath the +words "at home," the hour beneath the date. The address should be +printed at the bottom of the card. + +When music is to be given it should be mentioned on the "at home" card, +thus, "Music." + +The hour varies from 10 to 11 o'clock; in private circles 10 or 10.30 is +the usual hour; in official circles 10.30 or 11 o'clock. + +When a foreign royal personage is expected, or a foreigner of +distinction, or a personage possessing public interest, the words "To +meet Her Serene Highness Princess D.," or "To meet Count C." should be +written at the top of the invitation cards. + +When a reception or "at home" follows a dinner-party given by the +hostess, it is not usual to provide any special amusement for the +guests. But when an "at home" does not follow a dinner-party, it is +usual to provide some sort of amusement for the guests, such as +professional vocal or instrumental music. + +The guests are expected to arrive from half an hour to an hour of the +time mentioned on the invitation card, although it is optional when they +do so. + + +=Receiving the Guests.=--The hostess should receive her guests at the +head of the staircase, where she usually remains until the principal of +her guests have arrived; while the host welcomes the guests in the +drawing-room itself. + +Receptions or "at homes" usually terminate shortly before one o'clock, +save on Saturdays, when the hour of departure is 12 o'clock precisely. + + +=Making Introductions.=--A hostess should use her own discretion as +regards making introductions. + +When a royal personage is present the most distinguished of the guests +should be presented by the host or hostess. When a celebrity is present +introductions should also be made; and as regards general introductions +they should be made whenever the hostess judges it expedient to do so, +and the principal guests when unacquainted should be introduced to each +other when the opportunity occurs. + + +=Going in to Supper.=--The host should take the lady of highest rank in +to supper. + +When a royal princess is present the host should take her in to supper. + +When a royal prince is present he should take the hostess in to supper. +(See Chapter V.) + +It is optional whether the hostess follows with the gentleman of highest +rank present, unless a foreign prince is present, when she should +follow the host, and in the case of a royal prince being present she +should precede the host. + +When a royal prince or princess or a serene highness is present a table +should be set apart for the host and hostess and royal party, and any +among the guests whom the royal visitors may desire should join them at +supper. + +When the supper-room is not sufficiently large to accommodate the whole +of the guests at the same time, the most distinguished guests should go +in first. + +When the host is informed that supper is served he should tell the +principal gentlemen present which of the ladies he wishes them to take +into supper, and should himself lead the way with the lady of highest +rank present. + +The hostess should also assist in sending the principal guests in to +supper, and when the general company observe the move towards the +supper-room, they should follow in the same direction. + +When the general company are apparently not aware that the supper-room +is open, the hostess should ask the various gentlemen to take the ladies +in to supper, and should herself lead the way with one of the gentlemen. + +When the general company find the supper-room crowded they should return +to the drawing-room for a quarter of an hour or so; but the hostess +should arrange for some instrumental or vocal performance to commence +when supper is first served, so as to occupy the attention of the guests +who remain in the drawing-room. + +The guests frequently do not return to the drawing-room after supper, +but go to the cloak-room for their cloaks and wraps, and thence to their +carriages. + +It is not usual to take leave of the host and hostess at receptions. + + +=Royal Guests present.=--When a royal personage is present the host +should conduct her to her carriage. + +When a foreign prince is present the host should accompany him to the +hall door. + + +=Tea and Light Refreshments= should be served during the evening in the +library, or in an adjacent apartment. + +Supper should be served at twelve o'clock, in the dining-room, and +should be similar in character to a ball supper. + + +=Invitations to Bridge Parties= are issued on "at home" cards when the +guests number upwards of forty, and on visiting cards when a lesser +number is invited. + + +=The Invitation Form= is, "Mrs. A---- At Home" in both instances. The +day, date, and hour are put beneath the words "at home," and "Bridge" in +the corner of the cards opposite the address. The usual hour for holding +these evening receptions is 9 o'clock p.m., which allows of three hours' +play before midnight. The guests arrive very punctually, rather before +than after the hour named on the invitation cards. The guests comprise +an equal number of both sexes, as husbands and wives are invited +together when both are known to be bridge players, and bachelors who do +not disdain playing for small stakes are in great request. Also +unmarried ladies of a certain age; not girls in their teens. + +Prizes are given in some houses to the conquering players. One for the +ladies and one for the gentlemen, and occasionally a second prize for +the second best player of either sex. This is done when playing for +money does not commend itself to a host and hostess. The prizes consist +for the most part of useful articles. For instance, a box of gloves, a +box of bon-bons, a case of eau d'Cologne, a card-case, a bag purse, and +so on, all of which are acceptable to ladies; and a box of cigars or +cigarettes, a silver pocket-flask, a silver-mounted stick or umbrella, +are prizes the men winners are pleased to accept. + + +=The Bridge Tables= at which the guests are to sit are numbered, and the +hostess arranges by whom they are to be occupied. The names--four in +number for each table--are written or printed with the number of the +table upon small cards and given to the guests by the hostess on +arrival. This is done that good players may be placed together, and to +save confusion and loss of time in seating them at the various tables. + + +=The Refreshments= provided consist in the first instance of "coffee," +which is brought into the card-room or drawing-room and handed to the +guests. No eatables are given with this after-dinner coffee. A supper is +given either at the conclusion of the play at 12 o'clock--this being the +more usual plan--or at 10.30, after which play is resumed for another +hour or so; but the latter is more of a provincial custom than a town +one, and is intended for those whose dinner hour is an early one--6.30, +perhaps. + +When a supper is not given, very good light refreshments are substituted +for it, including cups of hot soup in the winter months. + + +=Going in to Supper= is arranged as far as possible on the following +lines, if precedence does not prevent its being carried out. The players +at each table who are partners when supper is served go in together. The +host leads the way with his partner, and all follow, the hostess and her +partner going last. + + +=Cards should be left= within a week or ten days after a reception. + +A married lady should leave one of her own and two of her husband's +cards. + +A widow should leave one of her own cards. + +A bachelor or widower should leave two of his cards. (See Chapter III.) + + + + +CHAPTER XVI + +WEDDINGS AND WEDDING LUNCHEONS + + +=Afternoon Weddings= are invariably solemnised at 2.30 o'clock. Only +very quiet weddings take place in the morning hours. Formerly, it was +only the few who were in a position to obtain special licences who could +have afternoon weddings. + + +=Marriage by "Banns"= is greatly in favour in general society. The banns +must be published three consecutive weeks previous to the marriage in +the parish in which the bridegroom resides, and also in that in which +the bride resides, and both should reside fifteen days in their +respective parishes previous to the banns being published. + + +=Marriages by Licence.=--When a marriage is solemnised by licence the +cost, with fees and stamps, amounts to L2. This should be obtained at +the Faculty Office, or at the Vicar-General's Office, Doctors' Commons, +and is available at any church in the parish where one of the parties +has resided for fifteen days previous to the application being made for +the licence, either in town or country. + +When the licence is obtained in the country through a clerical surrogate +the cost varies, according to the diocese, from L1 15_s._ to L2 12_s._ +6_d._ + + +=Special Licences= can only be obtained from the Archbishop of +Canterbury, after application at the Faculty Office, and an especial +reason must be given for the application, and one that will meet with +the Archbishop's approval. + +The fees for a special marriage licence average L29 5_s._ 6_d._ + + +=The Fees= to the officiating clergymen vary considerably, according to +the position and means of the bridegroom, from L1 1_s._ to L5 5_s._, as +the inclination of the bridegroom may dictate. + +The fee to the verger is subject to a like variation, commencing at +2_s._ 6_d._ + +All fees relating to a marriage should be defrayed by the bridegroom, +and paid by him, or by the best man on his behalf, in the vestry of the +church, previous to the ceremony; immediately after it, or some days +earlier. + + +=The Etiquette observed at Weddings= is invariably the same whether the +wedding takes place in the morning or in the afternoon, or whether it is +a grand wedding or a comparatively small one, whether the guests number +two hundred or whether they number twenty. + + +=The Invitations= should be issued from three weeks to a fortnight +before the wedding-day. + +The wedding luncheon or wedding reception should be given by the parents +of the bride or by her nearest relative, and the invitations should be +issued in the names of both parents. + +The invitations should be issued in notes printed in ink; they are now +seldom printed in silver. The form should be as follows: "Mr. and Mrs. +---- request the pleasure of Mr. and Mrs. ----'s company at the marriage +of their daughter Helen with Mr. John S----, at St. Peter's Church, +Hanover Square, on Tuesday, May 8th, at 2.30 o'clock, and afterwards at +---- Square. R.S.V.P." + +If a stepdaughter, it should be "at the marriage of Mrs. A----'s +daughter Helen B----." + + +=Wedding Presents.=--Every one who is invited to a wedding invariably +makes the bride or bridegroom a present; it is the received rule to do +so. Many send presents before the invitations are sent out--as soon as +the engagement is made known, if it is not to be a long one. + +There is no rule as to the time before the wedding-day when the present +should be sent; but invitations are usually sent to those who have given +presents, even though they live at a considerable distance, and may not +be able to attend the wedding. + +Wedding presents are displayed on tables of various sizes, according to +their number, and if very numerous and valuable, it is not unusual to +exhibit them at an afternoon tea, given for the purpose on the day +previous to the wedding. Each present should bear the card of the giver +attached to it. Presents of silver plate should be placed on a table +covered with dark cloth or velvet. It is not unusual to surround the +presents with flowers, notably roses, and this is often done by persons +of artistic tastes. + + +=The Bridegroom should provide= the wedding-ring and the bridal bouquet. + +The bouquets for the bridesmaids are also the gift of the bridegroom, +and should be sent to them on the morning of the wedding. He is also +expected to make a present to each bridesmaid--either a brooch, a +locket, a bracelet, or a fan, which should either be sent the day before +the wedding or on the morning of the wedding-day. + +The bridegroom should provide the motor-car to convey himself and his +bride from the church to the house where the wedding luncheon and +reception are to take place, and again from the house to the +railway-station, or, if the journey is made by road, to the place of +honeymoon; but frequently the bride's father places his own motor-car at +the disposal of the bride and bridegroom for this purpose, especially in +the country. The bridal carriage is the only one, according to +etiquette, which the bridegroom is expected to provide. + +The invited guests should provide their own conveyances, and neither the +bridegroom nor the bride's father are ever expected to do so. This +should be thoroughly understood by the guests in every case. + +The custom of having groomsmen to support the bridegroom is now very +general, as at royal weddings, a royal bridegroom being supported by +from four to six groomsmen. Two of the groomsmen usually act as ushers +and assist in seating the guests. + + +=The Best Man= should be a bachelor, although a married man could act in +this capacity. He should either accompany the bridegroom to the church +or meet him there. He should stand at his right hand during the +ceremony--a little in the rear--and should render him the trifling +service of handing him his hat at the close of it. + +He should sign the register afterwards in the vestry, and should pay the +fees to the clergyman and to the verger, on behalf of the bridegroom, +either before or after the ceremony, if the bridegroom does not pay them +on arrival. + +The bridegroom and best man should arrive at the church before the +bride, and await her coming, standing at the right-hand side of the +chancel gates. + + +=The Bride= should be driven to the church in her father's motor-car. If +she has a sister or sisters, and they officiate as bridesmaids, they, +with her mother, should precede her to the church. The motor-car should +then return to fetch the bride and her father; but when she has no +sisters, her father generally precedes her to the church, and receives +her at the church door, her mother accompanying her in the motor-car. + +The bridesmaids should arrive some little time before the bride, and +form a line on either side of the church porch, or within the church +doorway. The mother of the bride usually stands beside them. + +When the bride arrives she should take her father's right arm, or the +right arm of her eldest brother or nearest male relative, who is deputed +to give her away; he should meet her at the church door in the place of +her father, and conduct her to the chancel or altar. + +At choral weddings the clergy and choir head the bridal procession and +lead the way to the chancel, singing a hymn the while. + + +=The Bridesmaids= should follow the bride and her father up the nave of +the church. When the number of bridesmaids is even, four, six, eight, or +twelve; but when the number is odd, as five, seven, or nine, and three +of them happen to be children, which is generally the case, the elder +bridesmaids should walk "two and two," following next after the +children. + +At fashionable weddings one or two little boys act as pages, and +occasionally bear the bride's train. + +The head bridesmaid is generally the bride's eldest unmarried sister or +the bridegroom's sister, and she should follow next to the bride with +her companion bridesmaid, when children are not included in the group. + + +=The Bride's Mother= should follow next to the bridesmaids, and walk by +the side of her son, or other male relative, in following them up the +nave of the church. Ladies and gentlemen do not walk arm-in-arm at a +wedding, but side by side. + + +=The Bride's Immediate Relatives= and the near relatives of the +bridegroom should seat themselves in pews or chairs, according to the +church in which the service is celebrated. In some churches the service +takes place at the entrance of the chancel, and the bridal party enter +the chancel and stand at the altar to receive the address, and the +concluding portion of the service only is there celebrated. + + +=The Bridegroom's Relatives= should place themselves on entering at the +right of the nave, thus being on the bridegroom's right hand, and seat +themselves in pews. The relatives of the bride should place themselves +on entering at the left of the nave, thus being on the bride's left +hand, and seat themselves in pews or chairs. Large cards with the words +"For the Relatives of the Bridegroom," "For the Relatives of the Bride," +are frequently placed in the pews to indicate where they are to sit. + + +=The Bride= should stand at the bridegroom's left hand; the bride's +father, or nearest male relative, should stand at her left hand, in +order to give her away. + +The bridesmaids should stand immediately behind the bride in the order +in which they pass up the church. + +The bride should take off her gloves at the commencement of the service +and should give them with her bouquet to the head bridesmaid to hold. + +The invited guests should sit in the pews or chairs. + +Guests seldom take their prayer-books with them to the church to follow +the service therefrom. The hymns sung are usually printed on leaflets, +and placed in the pews or on the seats. + +The bridegroom generally wears a flower in his button-hole, as he does +not wear a wedding favour. + +The other gentlemen may, as a matter of course, wear button-hole +bouquets, if they please. + + +=When the Service is concluded=, the bride should take the bridegroom's +left arm, and, preceded by the officiating clergyman, and followed by +her head bridesmaids, father, mother, and the most distinguished of the +guests, should enter the vestry, where the register should be signed by +the bride and bridegroom, two or three of the nearest relatives, and by +two or three of the most intimate of the friends, and principal of the +guests, including the best man and the head bridesmaid. The bride's +father should sign it, but it is optional whether the bride's mother +does so or not. + +When the register has been signed, and those in the vestry have shaken +hands with the bride and offered their congratulations, the bride should +take the bridegroom's left arm and pass down the nave of the church +followed by her bridesmaids, in the same order as they have previously +passed up the nave. + +The bride and bridegroom usually leave the church without pausing to +shake hands with many of their friends present if a reception is to +follow. + +When the bride and bridegroom have driven off from the church, the +bride's mother should be the next to follow, that she may be at home to +receive the guests as they arrive. There is no precedence as to the +order in which the remainder of the company leave the church; it +entirely depends on the cleverness of their servants in getting up their +motor-cars. + + +=Button-hole Bouquets= of natural flowers have entirely superseded the +old-fashioned wedding favours for both ladies and gentlemen, and are +sometimes offered to the guests before they leave their seats at the +conclusion of the ceremony, but not invariably so. Button-hole bouquets +should be worn on the left side, by both ladies and gentlemen. + + +=A Bride who is a Widow= should not wear a bridal veil, nor a wreath of +orange-blossoms, nor orange-blossom on her dress. + +She should not be attended by bridesmaids, and wedding favours should +not be worn by the guests. + + +=How the Invitations to the Wedding Reception of a Widow= should be +issued depends upon individual circumstances. For instance, if a young +widow resides with her parents, the invitations should be issued in +their names as at her first marriage, and the form of invitation should +be similar, save that the words "Their daughter, Mrs. A., widow of Mr. +A." should be substituted for her christian name. If, as is very +frequently the case, a widow resides in her own house, or if the +marriage is to take place from an hotel, the invitations should be +issued in her own name, and the form should be "Mrs. Cecil A. requests +the pleasure (or the honour) of Mr. and Mrs. B.'s company at her +marriage with Mr. Henry C., at St. George's Church on Tuesday, December +30th, at 2.30 o'clock, and afterwards at Eaton Gardens, R.S.V.P." "The +presence of" instead of "the company of" may be put if preferred. + + +=It is understood that a Widow should not have Bridesmaids=, but it is +open to her to have the attendance of pages, if a wedding is to be a +fashionable and smart one, although many ladies do not avail themselves +of this privilege. The bridegroom should have a best man, as a matter of +course; he may be the bride's brother if desired (the idea that this is +not permitted is an erroneous one). A married man might be asked to act +in the capacity of best man, there being no bridesmaids to require his +attention, although this is seldom done, and a bachelor brother or +friend is preferred. + + +=A Widow may be given away= by her father, uncle, brother, or even by a +friend; indeed, it is more usual to have this support than not. At a +first marriage "to be given away" is imperative, at a second it is +optional; and if a widow at a quiet wedding prefers not to follow this +custom she can do so. + + +=Much Uncertainty exists as to whether a Widow should or should not +continue to wear her First Wedding Ring= when she marries a second time. +In point of fact there is no hard and fast rule with regard to it, and a +widow may continue or not continue to wear it, as she feels inclined. If +she has children, and has had some years of married life, she usually +retains it. If she is a young widow, she is likely to remove it, and +wear the second ring only; but when this is her intention, she should +not cease to wear it until she has arrived at the church, and has taken +off her gloves previous to the ceremony; but, take it all in all, it is +more usual to wear the two wedding rings than the second one only. + + +=Formerly, Widows considered it Imperative to be married in Widow's +Colours=, grey or mauve, and that white was forbidden wear; but it is no +longer so regarded, and a widow may and does wear white or cream on her +wedding-day--not exactly a maiden bridal dress, as a tinge of colour is +introduced. The larger number still regard pale grey or pale heliotrope +as more suitable on the occasion of a second marriage, and doubtless +this is so when a widow is not in her first youth. A widow may not, of +course, wear a bridal veil; she must wear a hat or toque, white or +coloured, as she pleases. She can have a bouquet, not of white flowers +only, but mauve or pink, or violets, according to choice. It is quite +permissible to have a full choral service, and for the church in which +the ceremony is performed to be decorated with plants and flowers, but +wedding favours should not be given to the guests at its conclusion. + + +=When a Widow has a reception the Newly Married Pair should receive +their Guests= standing together. The bride's mother, or near relative, +could assist them in receiving. If a luncheon is to be given, they +should lead the way to the dining-room, and sit at the head of the +table, side by side; but if a reception tea is given, the guests might +be sent in at the tea hour--that is to say, told that tea is going on, +and the bride and bridegroom could follow later should the numbers be +too great to admit of all going into the tea-room at the same time. + + +=It is quite in Order for a Widow to have a Wedding Cake=, but it should +not be decorated with orange blossoms or with white flowers, merely with +icing and ornamentations. The display of presents at the marriage of a +widow is, as a rule, a very restricted one. The bridegroom and the +bridegroom's family being the principal donors, the presents are seldom +exhibited. The exception is when a widow has made many new friends, and +has received wedding presents from them. Presents, when made to a widow +having a house of her own, are expected to be of substantial value, and +there is a general reluctance felt to offering her trifles, even if +expensive ones, such as a girl-bride would appreciate; not so a married +lady of social standing. + + +=On arriving at the House= where the wedding luncheon or reception is to +be held, the gentlemen should leave their hats in the hall. The ladies +should not remove their bonnets or hats at a wedding luncheon or +reception, neither should the bridesmaids do so. + +Gentlemen should take off their gloves at wedding luncheons, but it is +optional whether ladies do so or not. + +At receptions it is optional with both ladies and gentlemen whether they +take off their gloves or not. + +The guests who have not already had an opportunity of speaking to the +bride and bridegroom, on being ushered into the drawing-room, where the +company assembles, should shake hands with them, having first gone +through that ceremony with the host and hostess, if they have not +already done so. + +Previous to luncheon being announced the bride's father or mother should +tell the principal of the gentlemen present whom to take down to +luncheon. But this only applies to a sit-down luncheon. + +At standing-up luncheons the guests are not sent in in couples, but go +in as they please, even two or three ladies together, and little or no +precedency, bridal or otherwise, is followed as a general rule. + +The luncheon should be served in the dining-room, library, or large +marquee, as the case may be. + +The bride's mother and the bridegroom's mother should take precedence of +all other ladies present on the occasion of a wedding luncheon. + + +=At strictly Family Gatherings the Guests should go in to Luncheon in +the following order=:--The bride and bridegroom. The bride's father with +the bridegroom's mother. The bridegroom's father with the bride's +mother. The best man with the head bridesmaid. The remaining bridesmaids +with the gentlemen who are to take them in to luncheon. + +The rest of the company should follow in the wake of the bridesmaids. +The bride should take the bridegroom's left arm. + +Sitting-down luncheons and standing-up luncheons are equally +fashionable, although the latter are far more general, and little or no +bridal precedency is observed. When a standing-up luncheon is given, +small tables are arranged for the convenience of the bridal party on one +side of the room, while a long table occupies the centre of the room. + +When a sitting-down luncheon is given the bride and bridegroom should +sit either at the head of a long table or at the centre of it--the bride +at the bridegroom's left hand. The bride's father should sit next the +bride with the bridegroom's mother. When the bride and bridegroom sit +at the centre of the table the bridesmaids should sit opposite to them +with the gentlemen who have taken them in to luncheon; each sitting at a +gentleman's right hand. + +When the bride and bridegroom occupy the head of the table, the +bridesmaids, with the gentlemen who have taken them in to luncheon, +should place themselves next the parents on either side of the table, +dividing their number into two groups. + +When the bride's father is dead, her eldest brother or nearest male +relative should take his place and should take the bridegroom's mother +in to luncheon. + + +=A Wedding Breakfast= is now termed a luncheon, champagne and other +wines take the place of tea and coffee, which beverages are not served +until towards the end of the luncheon. At weddings which take place at +2.30 p.m., a luncheon is frequently given at 3, followed by a "tea" at +4. + + +=The Luncheon Menu= generally comprises soup, entrees both hot and cold; +chickens, game, mayonnaises, salads, jellies, creams, etc., etc., and +other dishes of a like character. + +The sweets should be placed on the table, fruit also. + +The entrees, etc., should be handed by the servants, the sweets should +also be taken off the table by the men-servants and handed round in +turn. + +At a standing-up luncheon the gentlemen should help the ladies and +themselves to the various dishes on the table, as dishes are not handed +at this description of luncheon; hot entrees and soup are not given. The +menu is in other respects similar. + +The tables should be decorated with flowers at either a standing-up or a +sitting-down luncheon. Bottles of champagne should be placed the length +of the table at a standing-up luncheon; if not, the gentlemen should ask +the servants in attendance for champagne for the ladies they have taken +down, and for themselves. At a sitting-down luncheon the servants offer +champagne to the guests in the same order in which they hand the dishes. + +When the sweets have been handed the bride should cut the wedding-cake. +This she does by merely making the first incision with a knife; it +should then be cut by the butler into small slices, and handed on +dessert plates to the guests. + + +=The Health of the Bride and Bridegroom= should then be proposed by the +most distinguished guest present, for which the bridegroom should return +thanks. He should then propose the health of the bridesmaids, for which +the best man should return thanks. + +Occasionally the gentleman of highest rank present also proposes this +health in place of the bridegroom. + +The health of the bride's father and mother should be proposed by the +bridegroom's father. + +It is now the custom to confine proposing healths at wedding luncheons +within the narrowest limits. The health of the bride and bridegroom, and +that of the bridesmaids being, in general, the only healths proposed. + +At standing-up luncheons and at wedding receptions, the health of the +bride and bridegroom only is proposed. + + +=The Bride should leave the Dining-room= immediately after the healths +have been drunk, to change her dress for departure. + +The head bridesmaid should accompany her, if related to her, and the +guests should adjourn to the drawing-room to await the bride's +reappearance, which should not be long delayed, and the adieus should +then be made. Leave-takings should not be prolonged more than is +absolutely necessary. + +The parents should follow the bride and bridegroom into the hall, and +adieus to them should there be made. + + +=The Old-fashioned Custom= of throwing satin slippers after the bride is +sometimes observed, foolish as it is. It is the best man's or the head +bridesmaid's privilege to perform this ridiculous act. + +When rice is thrown after a bride it should be scattered by the married +and not by the unmarried ladies present; but the custom, like that of +throwing the so-called "confetti," is now practically obsolete in good +society. + + +=Strewing the Bride's Path with Flowers= from the church to the carriage +by village children is a custom much followed at weddings which take +place in the country. + + +=The Honeymoon= now seldom lasts longer than a week or ten days. Many +brides prefer spending their honeymoon in their future home, if it +happens to be in the country, instead of making a hurried trip to Paris +or elsewhere, or to spending it at the country house of a friend, lent +to them for the purpose. But it is entirely a matter of individual +feeling which course is taken. + + +=The Bride's Trousseau= should be marked with the initials of the name +she is to take. + + +=The Bridegroom should provide= the house-linen and all other things +appertaining to the bride's new home. + + +=The Wedding Presents= should be dispatched to the bride's residence +immediately after the wedding, and they should at once be put into their +several places, and not arranged for the purpose of being shown to +visitors. + + +=The Bridal Wreath= should not be worn after the wedding-day. The bridal +wreath, the bridal bouquet, and the orange blossoms from the +wedding-cake, if treasured as mementos of the happy event, should be +preserved in the recesses of a locked drawer in the bride's chamber, and +not exhibited under glass shades in the drawing-room. + + +=Precedence= should not be accorded to a bride during the first three +months after marriage, although this old-fashioned custom is sometimes +followed at country dinner-parties on the occasion of a bride's first +visit. + + +=The Custom of sending Wedding Cake= to friends is an exploded one, and +only followed between near relations. + + +=Wedding Cards= are, strictly speaking, out of date, and only sent by +people who adhere to old-fashioned customs. + + +=The Words "No Cards"= should not be inserted when the announcement of a +marriage is sent to the newspapers; neither should the intimation be +added that the bride and bridegroom will be "at home" on certain days. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII + +WEDDING RECEPTIONS + + +=An Afternoon Wedding= usually takes place between 2 and 2.30 o'clock, +and the "reception" that follows is given from 2.30 to 5, on the return +from the church. + +When a wedding is a choral one the choir and clergy frequently head the +bridal procession. This is arranged with the vicar of the church where +the marriage is solemnised. + + +=Invitations= to wedding receptions are no longer issued on "at home" +cards, but are included in the invitations to the wedding ceremony +issued in printed notes. (See Chapter XVI.) + +The arrangements in the tea-room, and the refreshments given, should be +similar to those provided at large afternoon "at homes," with the +addition of wedding-cake and champagne. + + +=Ceremony= is, as far as possible, dispensed with as regards sending the +guests into the tea-room, and this is a great advantage gained over a +wedding luncheon, either a sitting-down or a standing-up one, when +people are doubtful as to the exact place belonging to each individual +relative. + +The bride and bridegroom either enter first, followed by the bridesmaids +and a few of the principal guests, or they follow later, as they prefer. +The remainder of the company should make their way downstairs as space +permits, for a wedding reception is a crowded affair, even in the +largest of mansions. Not only is every one invited who has given a +wedding present to either bride or bridegroom, within visiting distance, +but even others who are not intimate enough to be expected to do so. + +The guests should not make their way in the first instance to the +tea-room, but should proceed at once to the drawing-room and shake hands +with the host and hostess, and afterwards with the bride and bridegroom. +The bride and bridegroom should stand together within the drawing-room +and shake hands with all those with whom they are acquainted. The bride +and bridegroom should be the first to enter the tea-room. Flowers, as a +matter of course, are a great feature at wedding receptions. + +The tea and coffee should be served by the maid-servants, generally by +the lady's maids, but men-servants should also be in attendance to open +the champagne as required. Very little wine is drunk at this hour of the +day. Ladies seldom care for it, and gentlemen avoid it on principle. +Still, out of compliment to the bride, the relatives quaff a cup of +sparkling wine, although her health is seldom proposed or speeches of +any kind made. The bride should put the knife into the wedding-cake, and +the butler should cut it up and hand it to the guests. + +Seats should not be placed in the tea-room, and the tables should occupy +the top or side, or both the top and side, of the room, according to the +number of guests invited, so as to leave as much space as possible in +the centre of the room. + +The bride and bridegroom are not always present at a wedding tea, as the +departure for the proposed place of honeymoon does not in every case +admit of it, and the mother holds the "at home," and the guests inspect +the presents after the newly-married couple have left. + +An "at home" is sometimes given a few days previous to the wedding for +the inspection of the presents, if they are very numerous and beautiful; +but even when this is done they still form a centre of interest on the +afternoon of the wedding to the many guests. When jewellery and plate +to any great extent form a portion of the presents, it is sometimes +thought necessary to have a policeman on duty while the house is open to +so many comers, and when to effect an entrance under the pretext of +business would be an easy matter. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII + +WEDDING EXPENSES + + +=The Responsibilities of a Bridegroom= from a pecuniary point of view +commence from the moment of his engagement. He must at once present the +bride-elect with an engagement ring. A man of even moderate wealth finds +no difficulty in choosing and purchasing a handsome ring costing from +L50 to L100; but a poor man, possessing but a small income, is often put +to more expense than he can conveniently afford in the matter of an +engagement ring. He knows all the members of the bride's family will sit +in judgment upon it if it is but a modest gift worth about L10, which is +quite as much as he feels he is justified in spending; he knows that +both it and himself will be regarded as very mean, or as conveying a not +very inspiriting prospect of days to come. The engagement ring worn on +the bride's finger after marriage is a lasting memento, and if a poor +one she will not be proud of it--neither will he. Rich men take the +brides to choose engagement rings, expense being no object to them; but +poor men cannot do this, as the choice might fall on gems beyond their +means, therefore they make the choice themselves, according to the +position of the families they are about to enter. If the standing is +above their own, from a money point of view, the engagement rings have +to be chosen in accordance with the jewels worn by members of such +families, and a bridegroom would thus spend L40 at least on an +engagement ring suitable to a lady so placed. On the other hand, when +men with small incomes marry the daughters of parents of a similar +position to their own, the engagement rings given are not costly ones, +and a ten-pound note, or even less, would cover the cost of these +binding tokens. The wedding rings are within the means of all +bridegrooms, be they ever so poor. + + +=During the Engagement= the question of presents to the brides-elect is +never absent from the thoughts of their bridegrooms. The wealthy please +themselves and their brides by giving costly jewels, which are often +chosen by the brides themselves in company with their bridegrooms. This +is very delightful shopping, but it does not fall to the lot of the +great majority. Men of moderate means give presents of moderate value +and few in number; they are not bound by etiquette during their +engagements to give any jewellery if their incomes do not warrant this +outlay; but a man must have very little money to go upon if he cannot +contrive to give a bracelet or necklet or some such trinket to the girl +he is about to marry. + + +=To give Presents to the Bridesmaids= is another of the obligations of +bridegrooms. Here again, the wealthy exercise their generosity and good +taste with the concurrence of their brides, who assist them in the +choice of suitable presents in articles of jewellery. These average L5 +and upwards for each bridesmaid, which bring it to a good total when the +bridesmaids are numerous. The point that affects the generosity of +bridegrooms, however, is not how much they ought to spend on these +presents, but rather, how little may be spent upon them with due +consideration for the fitness of things, viz. the position of the +bridesmaids. Two sovereigns would be a reasonable sum for a man of small +means to spend on each gift to the bridesmaid. + + +=The Bridal Bouquet and the Bridesmaids' Bouquets= come next on the list +of expenses a bridegroom defrays. Rich men spend liberally in this +direction, but average sums to give to meet ordinary incomes are two +guineas to one guinea for a bride's bouquet, and five and twenty to +fifteen shillings each for the bridesmaids' bouquets. + + +=The Fees connected with the Ceremony= are strictly the province of the +bridegroom to defray. If a marriage is by licence, he pays the cost, +which in town amounts to L2 2_s._ 6_d._, and in the country from L2 +12_s._ 6_d._ to L3 3_s._ The fee to the vicar of the church where the +marriage is to be solemnised varies from L1 1_s._ to L5 5_s._, oftener +L1 1_s._ than not with the majority of bridegrooms with moderate +incomes, the exception being L5 5_s._ The minor fees are very trifling +that a bridegroom is expected to pay. He pays the organist for playing a +wedding march at the conclusion of the service, if it is not a choral +one; the bell-ringers look to him for their fee, as do the vergers, etc. +Thus a bridegroom pays for what is absolutely necessary at the marriage +ceremony only, and very little besides. + + +=When a Friend of the Bride or Bridegroom performs the Ceremony= or +assists at it a fee is not given to him by the bridegroom, but a present +of some kind is made to him, either in silver plate or by a small +cheque, as circumstances dictate, for railway expenses or otherwise. It +is usual for the bridegroom to do this unless the clergyman in question +is a relative of the bride, when a joint present is usually given by +bride and bridegroom. + + +=The Bride's Parents bear a Large Share of the Wedding Expenses=, +foremost of which is the bride's trousseau, the cost of this being +entirely dependent on position and income. The dinners and "at homes" +given before the marriage to introduce the bridegroom to the members of +the bride's family are given by the bride's parents. The wedding +reception is given by them, either at their own residence or at an +hotel. As concerns their share of the expenses connected with the +ceremony, it depends upon whether the wedding is to be a smart one or a +quiet one. If the former, the expenses that fall to them are somewhat +considerable; if the latter, they are almost nil. A choral service, for +instance, is paid for by the bride's parents, the organist, choirmaster, +and choir all being severally paid by them. If the hymns sung are +printed on leaflets this trifling expense also is included. All floral +decorations are paid for by the bride's parents, as is the hire of the +awning and the red felt at the church doors. When wedding favours or +button-holes are given it is by them also. + + +=For whom the Bride's Family are expected to provide Conveyances is +invariably a Misunderstood Detail.=--The bride's father has only to +provide carriages or cars to convey himself and bride to the church, and +for those members of his family residing under his roof, and for +visitors staying with him for the wedding. He is not required to provide +them for any other of the guests, save in the country, and then only for +those who arrive by train at a roadside station and cannot obtain +conveyances for themselves. In town the bridegroom has to provide the +motor-car to convey himself and bride from the church to her father's +house, and afterwards to the station. In the country the reverse is the +case, and the bride's father does this by lending one of his own +carriages or cars for the purpose. + + +=The Bridegroom is expected to provide the Furniture= and all household +effects for the new home, including plate and linen, which latter +naturally form very important items. Many of the bridal presents, +however are made to lighten these expenses, and consist of plate to a +great extent, and occasionally of linen also, from the members of the +bride's family; still, the rule in England is that the bridegroom should +provide it as part of the necessaries of the home, and the gift of it by +relatives is altogether optional. + + + + +CHAPTER XIX + +AFTERNOON "AT HOMES" + + +=Afternoon "At Homes"= are a great feature amongst the entertainments of +the day, large afternoon parties, and small afternoon parties; parties +so large that the number of guests equals those at a big crush or +evening reception, and so small that they might fairly come under the +denomination of afternoon teas. + +At afternoon "at homes," ladies are present in a considerable majority, +there being usually from about ten gentlemen to thirty ladies on an +average present at these gatherings. Ladies have a decided partiality +for this class of entertainment, as it affords an opportunity for +meeting their friends and acquaintances, or for making new +acquaintances, and for forming future plans and interchanging +civilities; and even in the height of the London season, afternoon "at +homes" are fully attended by the members of the fashionable world. + +There are various classes of afternoon "at homes": the large "at home" +of from fifty to two hundred guests, when usually professional vocal and +instrumental talent is engaged, and fairly good music given, although +the entertainment is not of sufficient importance to be termed a +concert; the "at home" of from fifty to a hundred guests when only +amateur talent is in requisition; and the small "at home" of from ten to +thirty people, when conversation usually takes the place of music, the +party being composed of friends rather than of acquaintances. + + +=Invitations to "At Homes"= should be issued in the name of the hostess +only, and not in the united names of the master and mistress of the +house. + +Invitations should be issued on "at home" cards, large and small, and +also on visiting cards. The name of the person invited should be written +at the top of the card at the right-hand corner, the words "at home" +being printed beneath the name of the lady issuing the invitation, and +the day and date beneath the words "at home," and the hour beneath the +date. Any amusement to be given should be added at the bottom of the +card at the left-hand corner. The address should be printed at the +right-hand corner at the bottom of the card. + +The letters R.S.V.P. are occasionally either written or printed on the +"at home" card, at the left-hand corner of the bottom of the card, but +it is not usual to write "R.S.V.P." in the corner of an afternoon "at +home" card, as it is immaterial how many guests are present at this +class of entertainment; but if an answer is so requested, an answer +should be sent. R.S.V.P. signifies "_repondez, s'il vous plait_" or "an +answer is requested." + +It is customary to include the head of the family, either husband or +father, in the invitation. Thus, at the top of the card, at the +right-hand corner should be written "Mr. and Mrs. A.," or "Mr. and Miss +A." The daughters of the house should be included in the invitation sent +to their mother. Thus "Mr. and Mrs. A.," "The Misses A.," but the sons +of the house should be invited separately. + +When a family consists of a mother and daughters, the invitation should +be "Mrs. and the Misses A." + +The title of "Honourable" should not be put on an invitation card, but +only on the envelope containing the card. + +All other titles are recognised on invitation cards; but the letters +K.C.B., M.P., etc., should not be written on the cards, but only on the +envelopes in which they are enclosed. + +If a lady is aware that she will be unable to be present, it would be +polite to send her excuses, although strict etiquette does not demand +it; both the invitation and the answer can in all cases be sent by post. + +It is not now considered necessary to leave cards after afternoon "at +homes." + +Invitations to large afternoon "at homes" should be issued a fortnight +previous to the day, and to small "at homes" within a week or so of the +day. + + +=The Arrival of Guests.=--When invited guests arrive, they should not +inquire if the hostess is at home, but at once enter the house; and they +should be ushered at once into the tea-room. + +The gentlemen should leave their hats and overcoats in the hall. + +At large "at homes" a cloak-room should be provided, so that a lady +could remove a cloak or fur-cape, usually worn during the winter +weather; but at small "at homes" a cloak-room is not necessary, as the +reception-rooms are neither so crowded nor so warm, neither are the +ladies' toilettes so elaborate. + + +=Refreshments.=--At large "at homes" refreshments should be served in +the dining-room, on a long buffet at one end of the room, or on a long +table the length of the room. + +The lady's-maids and other maid-servants should stand behind the table +to pour out and hand the cups of tea or coffee across the table as asked +for. + +It is usual to have women-servants on these occasions to pour out the +tea, a man-servant or men-servants being also in attendance, in case +anything is required of them, although gentlemen usually help themselves +to claret-cup, wine, etc. + +The usual refreshments given at these "at homes" are tea and coffee, +the latter served from large silver urns. (See chapter "Preparing +Afternoon Tea," in the work entitled "Waiting at Table.") Sherry, +champagne-cup, claret-cup, ices, fruit, fancy biscuits and cakes, thin +bread-and-butter, potted game, sandwiches, etc. + +Ice plates are used for ices, dessert plates for fruit and fruit salads. + +At small "at homes" champagne, claret-cup, and ices are not given. The +tea should be made in teapots, instead of in urns, at both large and +small "at homes." + +At small "at homes" the tea is usually served in the smaller of the two +drawing-rooms, or in an adjoining boudoir or ante-room. The tea is then +poured out by the young ladies of the house, or by the hostess herself, +but seldom by maid-servants when served in the drawing-room. + +The most convenient manner, however, of serving tea is to serve it in +the dining-room, unless the number of guests is limited, when it would +appear unsociable if they were to congregate in the dining-room, leaving +the hostess comparatively alone in the drawing-room. + +When tea is served in the dining-room, the guests are usually asked by +the servant in attendance if they will have tea before being ushered +into the drawing-room. + +At small teas, the cups of tea should be handed to the ladies by the +gentlemen present, or by the young lady officiating at the tea-table, +and gentlemen generally stand about the room, or near the tea-table, at +small "at homes." + + +=Receiving Guests.=--The servant should precede the guests to the +drawing-room as in "morning calls." + +At large "at homes" the hostess should receive her guests at the +drawing-room door, and shake hands with each on arrival. The +drawing-room door should remain open, and she should stand within the +doorway. + +At small teas, the drawing-room door should not remain open, and the +hostess should receive her guests within the room, as at "morning +calls." + +The guests should arrive from a quarter-past four until half-past five +or six o'clock. The guests are not expected to remain the whole three +hours specified, and are at liberty to remain as long or as short a time +as they please. The earliest arrivals are generally the first to leave. + +When the hostess judges it expedient to do so, she introduces one or two +of the ladies to each other, either in a formal manner (see Chapter +II.), or in a semi-formal manner, by saying, "Mrs. A., I don't think you +know Mrs. B."; but she should not say this unless quite certain that +Mrs. B. desires the acquaintance of Mrs. A., or that Mrs. A. has no +objection to knowing Mrs. B.[5] + +It is rather the exception than the rule to make general introductions +on these occasions. Introductions should only be made when the hostess +is aware that the persons introduced would be likely to appreciate each +other, or for any reason of equal weight. + +The guests should go to the tea-room with any gentlemen of their +acquaintance present, or in the case of ladies with each other, if they +have not done so on arrival. + +This move to the tea-room is usually made in the intervals between +music, recitations, etc. + +Occasionally, the hostess introduces one or two of the gentlemen present +to the ladies of highest rank for the purpose of sending them into the +tea-room. + +A lady should place her empty cup on any table near at hand, unless a +gentleman offers to put it down for her. It is optional whether a lady +removes her gloves or not, and many prefer not to do so. + +At large "at homes," the hostess remains at her post the whole of the +time, and hardly ever sits down. At small "at homes," she should move +amongst her guests, conversing with them all more or less. When there +are daughters, they should assist their mother in entertaining the +guests. + +When ladies are acquainted, they should take an opportunity of speaking +to each other. It is usual for ladies to move about the rooms at +afternoon "at homes" to speak to their various friends and +acquaintances; and they are by no means obliged to remain seated in one +spot unless desirous of doing so. + +When music is given at afternoon "at homes," it is usual to listen to +the performance, or at least to appear to do so; and if conversation is +carried on, it should be in a low tone, so as not to disturb or annoy +the performers. + +It is not necessary to take leave of the hostess at afternoon "at +homes," unless she is standing near the drawing-room door when the guest +is passing out, or unless she is a new acquaintance, and the visit a +first one at her house, when it would be polite to do so. + +When it is late, and but a few guests still remain, these few should +make their adieus to the hostess. + +At these afternoon teas or "at homes," the hostess should not ring to +order the door to be opened for the departing guest or for her motor-car +to be called, as at "morning calls." The guests make their way to the +hall, and the servants in attendance call up the motor-cars as they are +asked for. + +Motor-cars should always be kept in waiting at afternoon "at homes," as +ladies are sometimes unable to remain longer than a quarter of an hour. + +The guests either remain in the hall or in the dining-room until they +hear their motor-cars are announced. + + +=Gratuities= should never be offered to servants at these +entertainments, or, in fact, at any entertainment whatever. + + +=Afternoon Concerts.=--When afternoon concerts are given, invitations +should be issued on the usual "at home" cards, which can be purchased +with the words "at home," etc., already printed, or they are printed to +order, with the name and address of the hostess. The name of the person +invited should be written above the name of the hostess at the +right-hand corner of the card. + +The date under the line "at home" should be in the centre of the card +beneath the name of the hostess; the hour should be written at the +left-hand corner, and the letters R.S.V.P. The printed address should be +at the right-hand corner. + +The names of the performers should be added at the bottom of the card at +the right-hand corner. + +The hour usually fixed for a concert is 3 o'clock. + +The hostess should receive her guests at the drawing-room door, when +they should at once seat themselves. The seats should be arranged in +rows down the centre of the room, and sofas and settees should be placed +around the room. + +The programme of a concert is divided into two parts, and at the +conclusion of the first part the guests should repair to the dining-room +for refreshments, which are served as at large "at homes." + + +=Afternoon Dances.=--Invitations to afternoon dances should be issued on +"at home" cards in the manner already described. "Dancing" should be +printed in the corner of cards, and the hour of "4 to 7" o'clock +substituted for that of "3" o'clock. The words "afternoon dance" should +not be written on an invitation card, and there is no other received +form of invitation for afternoon dances than the one already given. + +Afternoon dances are very popular at watering-places, military stations, +small towns in the vicinity of London, etc., but are seldom given in +London itself. + +Refreshments should be served during the whole of the afternoon, from 4 +to 7, as at large "at homes." + +The ladies should remove their jackets or wraps in the cloak-room, but +retain their hats or bonnets; the hostess should receive her guests at +the drawing-room door, as at an afternoon "at home." + + +=Bridge Teas= occupy an important place in social life. They are a +convenient form of entertainment, as they allow of a small number of +guests being invited, even as few as eight persons being considered a +reasonable number of players to invite, while twenty-four is distinctly +an outside one. The average number is in most instances sixteen, all +told. + +The play usually commences at 3.30, sometimes earlier, and continues +until 7.30, allowing an interval for "tea" at 4.30. + +The invitations to these informal gatherings are either issued in +friendly notes or on visiting cards. If on the latter, the words "at +home," day, and date are written under the name of the hostess, while +"Bridge, 3.30," or "3 o'clock" is put in the corner of the cards +opposite the address. + +The hostess arranges beforehand the places the guests are to occupy at +the different tables; this is done that the good players may play +together. When all have arrived, the hostess tells her guests where to +sit, and is herself one of the players. On taking their seats they cut +for partners. She does not invite guests to look on, as it would +necessitate her not playing, but talking to them while they remain; +besides conversation is discouraged, as it distracts the attention of +the players from the game. + +The ladies retain their hats, but remove their coats, furs, etc., on +arrival. + + +FOOTNOTES: + +[5] See chapter "Conversing with New Acquaintances," in the work +entitled "The Art of Conversing." + + + + +CHAPTER XX + +"AT HOME" DAYS + + +=An "At Home"= day signifies that a lady is at home to her friends and +acquaintances on one particular day in the week. She should intimate +this fact by printing upon her visiting cards the days on which she is +at home. Thus: "Thursdays in March," or "Thursdays in March and April," +or any day of the week she thinks proper to name. These cards she should +leave in person on those who are not at home when she calls, or they can +be sent by post. Those she finds at home she should inform that her "at +home" day is "Thursday." She should not leave her visiting card in this +case, only two of her husband's cards, and the "at home" day should not +be written upon them. + +On the "at home" day, calls should be made from three to six, or from +four to six. The first comers should leave before the afternoon tea hour +and should limit their call according to the degree of intimacy +existing, remaining from a quarter of an hour to an hour, as the case +may be. + + +=A Hostess or her Daughter should pour out the Tea= on these "at home" +days when tea is not served in the dining-room as at "at homes," which +should be done when the number of visitors is very considerable. + +The popularity of a hostess is tested on these "at home" days by the +number of visitors who call during the afternoon, and when "at home" +days are not a success, socially speaking, she should discontinue them +after a certain time, and should substitute an occasional "at home." + +It depends not a little on the social standing of the lady who has an +"at home" day and upon the locality in which she lives, as to whether +the "at home" day is a failure or the reverse. In the outlying districts +of town it has its advantages, when to make a call amounts to almost a +journey, and when acquaintances are few in the immediate neighbourhood. +Again, it has its advantages when ladies are much occupied during the +week, and when their time is given up to an engrossing occupation, +charitable or artistic, at home or away from home, literary or +scientific, at studios, museums and public institutions, etc., work +undertaken for their own amusement, profit, or advancement, or for the +benefit of others. To these ladies an "at home" day is a convenience. +One day in the week is all they can allow themselves apart from their +important engagements, and to them quiet privacy and leisure are +indispensable. Fashionable ladies consider an "at home" day to be a +great tax upon their time and inclinations. Their engagements are too +numerous to admit of giving up one whole afternoon in every week on the +chance of people calling. Not only long-standing but impromptu +engagements preclude this sacrifice. It would be a breach of politeness +not to be at home to callers on an "at home" day, and many things might +occur to necessitate absence from home on that particular afternoon. If, +however, absence is unavoidable, a relative might take the place of the +hostess on the "at home" day in question. + +The people who thoroughly enjoy "at home" days are those who have more +time on their hands than they know what to do with. The few calls they +have to make are soon made, the few friends they have to see are soon +seen, occupation they have none, and they are grateful for the +opportunity "at home" days offer of meeting their friends and finding a +hostess at home. + + + + +CHAPTER XXI + +COLONIAL ETIQUETTE + + +Generally speaking, etiquette is followed in the colonies and in India +by English men and women very much as in the mother country as regards +its principles, rules, and observances. One marked difference occurs in +the hours of calling, it is true, they being regulated by climate. In +hot climates, the early morning hours, before noon, and late evening +hours, after sunset, are, according to the fashion of the place, the +chosen hours for calling; but in more temperate climes--resembling our +own--the afternoon hours are, as with us, the hours for calling. Again, +the rule that residents should call upon new-comers, whether they be +visitors of other residents or intending residents, holds equally good +both in civilian and military circles alike. + +In all colonies and dependencies "Government House" is the centre to +which all society gravitates--that is to say, that all new-comers, +whether they are to become permanent or temporary residents, providing +their social position warrants the action, hasten to make known their +arrival by writing their names and addresses in the visitors' book kept +at each Government House for the purpose. The object of doing this is to +be received at Government House, and thus to obtain an entrance into the +society of the place. What follows upon this social observance--it +hardly merits the name of civility, such calls being actuated by +self-interest in the first instance--depends upon a variety of +circumstances, the position of the caller, and whether the stay is to be +permanent or temporary, whether introductions are brought or not, and so +on. The invitations extended to them are regulated accordingly. They may +be limited to afternoon "at homes"; or receptions, dinners, and dances +may be included; or a visit to the summer residence of the Governor and +his wife may also be reckoned amongst invitations, as this latter is not +an unusual display of hospitality accorded to certain individuals. + + +=How the Governor of a Colony should be addressed= by his guests depends +upon his rank. As he represents the sovereign, it would be quite correct +to address him as "Sir," as being the most deferential mode, and +Governors as a body rather like to be thus addressed. In the case of a +Governor being a knight--a very usual contingency--it would be equally +correct to address him as "Sir George," and not as "Sir." When a +Governor has not received knighthood, he should be addressed as "Mr. +A----," when it is not desired to be too stiff and formal. + +In conversation, when referring to the Governor--he being present--it +should not be "The Governor," but "Lord Blank," "Sir George," or "Mr. +A---- said so and so," unless strangers are present, before whom it +would seem right to be a little formal. + +In addressing a Governor by letter, the envelope should be directed to +"His Excellency Sir George Blank," however friendly its contents may be; +but when writing to a Governor's wife, it has not been thought right to +style her "Her Excellency," but simply "Lady Blank," unless in the case +of a Viceroy's wife, as in India or Ireland; but as against this the +point was raised some years ago, and it was then decided that the wives +of Governors were entitled to be so addressed. + +Colloquially, the members of a Governor's suite refer to both the +Governor and his wife as "His" and "Her Excellency," and style them +"Your Excellency," and all who approach them officially, being of +inferior rank, do likewise; but socially they are seldom so addressed. + + +=A Colonial Bishop= should not actually be styled "My Lord," or referred +to as "The Lord Bishop," if it is desired to be quite correct; but "My +Lord" or "The Lord Bishop" is now often used by persons who know it is +not the proper style of address, but make use of these titles, wishing +to be more deferential than scrupulously correct. In writing to a +colonial bishop, the envelope should be addressed to "The Right Rev. the +Bishop of ----," and the letter commenced "Right Rev. Sir" or "Dear +Bishop Blank." + +A colonial officer who has received the King's special permission to +retain the title of "Honourable" which he bore in his colony, is +accorded at Court, _i.e._ at a levee, Court ball, etc., the same +precedence as a peer's son, who is styled "Honourable," but this does +not practically give him any rank or precedence at ordinary social +gatherings, where that special grant is unknown or ignored. Also the +privilege confers no rank or precedence upon the wife or daughters of a +colonial Honourable, just as the wife of a Right Honourable here has no +special precedence. + +The title of Honourable cannot continue to be borne by a retired +colonial officer or Legislative Councillor unless it has been specially +authorised by the sovereign on the recommendation of the Secretary of +State for the Colonies. + + + + +CHAPTER XXII + +INDIAN ETIQUETTE + + +It is the custom that those who wish to be invited to Government House +(Viceregal House) at Simla, or elsewhere, should, immediately on +arrival, write their names in the visitors' book kept for that purpose, +and they are sure, if in general society, to be asked to one or more of +the receptions held during the season. They are introduced to the +Vice-Queen--as the wife of the Viceroy is termed--by one of the +_aides-de-camp_ in waiting. + +When a lady is the wife of a Government official, it gives her a +position in society in India which perhaps she would not otherwise have, +and is in itself a passport to most functions. Official rank is +everything in India. + + +=As regards attending the Viceregal Drawing-rooms=, they are only held +in Calcutta and in the evening. If a lady has been presented at a Court +in England, she can attend a Drawing-room in Calcutta; but, if she has +not been presented at home, she must be introduced by some other lady +who has been presented at the Viceregal Court. + +In writing unofficially to the Governor-General of India, it would not +be correct to use the title of "Viceroy," and the proper superscription +is "His Excellency The Right Hon."; or, if a Duke, "His Excellency The +Duke of ----"; or, if a Marquis, "His Excellency The Most Honble. +Marquis of ----," etc. + +To the wife of a Viceroy the address should be "Her Excellency the +Duchess of ----," "Her Excellency The Marchioness of ----," "Her +Excellency The Countess of ----"; or "Her Excellency The Lady Blank," if +the wife of a Baron. + +When addressing a Viceroy or Vice-Queen colloquially or unofficially, +"Your Excellency" should not be used in either case. The title only in +both instances should be employed. + +On being introduced to either of their Excellencies, it would be correct +to curtsy. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII + +GARDEN-PARTIES + + +Garden-parties are entertainments that are annually given. If the +weather is fine, the more enjoyable it is for the guests; if wet, a +garden-party resolves itself into a large "at home." In almost every +county a series of garden-parties is held by the principal ladies of +their respective neighbourhoods during August and September, nothing but +absence from home, illness, or some equally good reason being considered +sufficient excuse for the non-fulfilment of this social duty. + +The county at large expects to be invited at least once a year to roam +about in the beautiful park of the lord of the manor, to row on the +lake, to play lawn-tennis on the lawn, to wander through the winding +paths of the shady, leafy shrubberies, to admire the brilliant hues of +the geraniums bedded out on parterre and terrace, or the variegated +asters, or the late Gloire-de-Dijon roses, which at the end of August +are in their fullest beauty. Then there are the conservatories through +which to saunter, and from which to beat a retreat, if the sun is too +powerful, into the mansion itself, the reception-rooms being generally +thrown open on the occasion of a garden-party. + +A garden-party is an occasion for offering hospitality to a wide range +of guests--people whom it would not be convenient to entertain save at +this description of gathering. Invitations are on these occasions freely +accorded to ladies, from the energetic lady of eighty to the little lady +of eight. + +One great advantage offered by a garden-party is that it is immaterial +to what extent ladies are in the majority, and it is a reproach to a +county rather than to a hostess if the muster of guests is eighty ladies +against twenty gentlemen. + + +=Invitations to a Garden-party= should be issued in the name of the +hostess, and within three weeks to a week of the date fixed. "At home" +cards should be used for this purpose, and the words "and party" should +be invariably added after the names of the invited guests. + +"Croquet" or "Tennis" should be printed in one corner of the card, the +hour, 3 to 7 o'clock, above, the day and the date beneath the name of +hostess. "Weather permitting" is seldom written upon the card, and the +guests are expected to arrive even though the afternoon should be +showery and overcast, and only a thoroughly wet afternoon, with no break +between the showers, should prevent their appearing. In the country, +ladies think little of a drive of ten miles to attend a garden-party. + + +=Arrangements for Garden-Parties.=--Garden-parties or croquet-parties +are given on different scales of expenditure, and the preparations are +regulated accordingly. + +When a garden-party is given on a small scale, and the preparations are +comparatively few, refreshments should be served in the house. (For the +usual refreshments provided, and for the general arrangements, see work +entitled "Waiting at Table," p. 82.) + +A good supply of garden-chairs and seats should be placed on the lawn +and about the grounds, rugs spread on the grass for those who sit out, +and several sets of croquet provided for players. + +At large garden-parties a band is considered a necessary adjunct, and +the band of the regiment quartered in the vicinity is usually available +for these occasions. + +A band gives _eclat_ to an out-door gathering and confers local +importance upon it. Apart from this, the strains of a band enliven an +entertainment of this description in no little degree. The place where +the band is stationed is a rallying-point for the company, and the +expense and trouble consequent upon engaging a band are repaid by the +amusement it affords. + +The matter of engaging a military band is generally undertaken by the +master of the house, rather than by the mistress, as, in the first +place, the consent of the colonel of the regiment has to be obtained as +a matter of form and courtesy before the arrangements are completed with +the bandmaster. + +Conveyance for the band has also to be provided and discussed with the +bandmaster, and also refreshments for the bandsmen; and these details +are more effectually carried out by a host than by a hostess. + +Occasionally a large marquee is erected in which to serve refreshments, +but more frequently the refreshments for the general company are served +in the house, and only cool drinks dispensed in a tent to the cricketers +or lawn-tennis players. + + +=Cricket-matches= are often the _raison d'etre_ of a garden-party, +rendering it popular with both ladies and gentlemen. The cricket-match +in this case generally takes place in a field near to the grounds of the +mansion, the match commencing about twelve o'clock, and the general +company arriving about half-past three, or punctually at four, to +witness the finish. + +Golf now ranks first amongst fashionable out-door amusements with both +sexes. Private links are comparatively few, but club links exist in +almost every neighbourhood--ladies' clubs, men's clubs, and clubs for +both ladies and gentlemen. + +Croquet or tennis tournaments are frequently the occasion of giving +garden-parties, and some very exciting play takes place. + +When a tournament is held it takes the form of a garden-party; it +usually lasts two days. The arrangements made for holding it depend upon +circumstances, and it takes place, as do archery-matches, in either +private or public grounds. + + +=Amusements.=--When a number of children are expected at a garden-party, +performances of marionettes, or Punch-and-Judy, or conjuring are given +for their amusement. + +In districts remote from town, these shows are difficult to obtain; +therefore amateur showmen come bravely to the rescue, and their kindly +efforts to divert the juveniles meet with due appreciation on all sides. + +Not seldom a little amateur music is given at a garden-party--not a +pre-arranged programme of music, but impromptu performances. These +good-natured efforts to enliven the company occupy about an hour, and +such performances take place in either the drawing-room or music-room of +the mansion. + +Garden-parties seldom terminate with a dance, though occasionally +dancing closes the afternoon's amusements. + +The time occupied by croquet or tennis precludes all desire on the part +of the players for further exertion in the shape of dancing, and young +people apparently prefer playing croquet from 3 to 7 on the lawn to +dancing in a marquee or in the drawing-room at that hour. + +A host and hostess receive their guests at a garden-party on the lawn; +strangers should be introduced to the hostess by those who have +undertaken to bring them to her house, and she should shake hands with +all comers. It is also usual for guests to shake hands with the hostess +on departure, if opportunity offers for so doing. + +Garden-parties commence from 3.30 to 4 o'clock, and terminate at 7 +o'clock. + +In making preparations for a garden-party, stabling for the +carriage-horses and motor-cars of the numerous guests should be taken +into consideration, and refreshments provided for the men-servants and +chauffeurs. + +Public afternoon concerts, bazaars, and flower-shows are essentially +functions frequented by ladies _en masse_, and it is the exception, +rather than the rule, for gentlemen to accompany them; again, at private +afternoon gatherings, ladies usually appear unaccompanied by gentlemen. + +When a garden-party is a very large function, it is not unusual to put +the words "garden-party" on the invitation cards in place of the words +"at home"; thus: "The Countess of A---- requests the pleasure of Mr. and +Mrs. B----'s company at a garden-party on ----," etc. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV + +TOWN GARDEN-PARTIES + + +The first garden-parties in town are usually given early in June, and +continue during this and the ensuing month. The garden-parties at +Lambeth Palace and Fulham Palace are the pioneers of the garden-party +season, and the lead is followed by general society with more or less +alacrity. + +Town garden-parties resolve themselves into large receptions held +out-of-doors, and those who know what crowded drawing-rooms imply in the +sultry days of June are particularly glad of this change of _locale_, +and willingly spend an hour or more at one of these out-of-door +_reunions_, instead of thinking a quarter of an hour's stay all too long +within doors, where it is a case of heat _versus_ draught, and difficult +to determine where it is the most objectionable, in the drawing-room, +tea-room, or on a staircase. Although these functions are designated +"garden-parties," yet the real style and title is "at homes," the +address being sufficient indication to the invited guests as to the +description of entertainment to be given, as the spacious gardens and +lawns in and around London where these annual parties are held are well +known to society at large. A band playing in the grounds where the +garden-party is given would appear to be a _sine qua non_, but the +excellence of the same is merely a question of expense. Thus guests have +the pleasure of listening to the strains of splendid bands, and also the +disappointment of hearing others far below the average. + +As this fickle climate of ours is not to be counted upon for twenty-four +hours at a stretch to remain fine, it is seldom considered advisable to +have the whole of the refreshment tables out-of-doors, and thus only +ices, strawberries and cream, and ice cups are served out-of-doors; tea, +coffee, and the rest, with ices, strawberries and cream, being +invariably served within doors. + + +=Refreshment tables out-of-doors= considerably take off the strain from +the tables in the tea-rooms, especially during the first half-hour, when +the great rush is made in this direction. Again, should heavy rain set +in, the servants can easily remove pails of ice and bowls of +strawberries and cream out of harm's way. Even a large tent or marquee +is not considered altogether desirable for refreshments, as under a +burning sun the air within becomes over-heated and oppressive, while in +the case of a downpour the results are almost disastrous. + +The popularity of garden-parties is incontestible in propitious weather. +A variety of reasons conduce to this; for one thing, movement is so +pleasant an exchange from the almost stationary position guests are +compelled to take up in a crowded drawing-room. Again, the number of +guests invited is so much greater than to an "at home," that the chance +of meeting a corresponding number of friends and acquaintances is +trebled; or, on the other hand, if but a few friends should be present +among the guests, yet the situation does not amount to isolation and +boredom; and the alternative of sitting under a shady tree or sauntering +about on the lawns listening to the strains of the band, is positive +enjoyment in comparison to sitting in the corner of a drawing-room +barricaded by a phalanx of ladies, or standing wedged in the midst of +the same. It is small wonder, therefore, that invitations to these +out-door functions are hailed with satisfaction and pleasure. + + +=Arrivals at a garden-party= are made almost simultaneously, or if not +quite this, they follow in rapid succession, so that host and hostess +have a short interval between arrivals and departures; and this offers +an opportunity to give more than a shake of the hand to many of the +guests, _i.e._ a little friendly conversation; while at an "at home" the +hostess has to be at her post from 4 p.m. to 7 p.m., as guests arrive +continuously, even close up to the hour named for departure. + +The host is expected to be present at a garden-party, and almost always +is so; but his presence at his wife's "at home" is left a little +doubtful, and his absence is often accounted for on the ground of its +being unavoidable; but the trivial reasons that many men advance to +their wives for their non-appearance prove how glad they are to escape +from the ordeal on any terms. A man in the open air is at his best, and +therefore a garden-party appeals to a host almost as much as it does to +a guest. + +Although the words "at home" are in general use when issuing invitations +to these functions, yet occasionally the words "garden-party" are +substituted in lieu of them on the "at home" cards, when the gatherings +are unusually large; thus: "Viscountess B---- requests the pleasure of +Mr. and Mrs. G----'s company at a garden-party on ----," etc. + + + + +CHAPTER XXV + +EVENING GARDEN-PARTIES + + +=The Garden-Party Season= has been widened out by the introduction of +"Evening Garden-Parties" into the list of country festivities, and this +form of entertainment has found great favour with all. + +Invitations are issued on the usual "at home" cards, the hours from 9 to +12 p.m. Occasionally "dancing" is printed on the cards, but not often, +as it is not usual to combine an evening garden-party with a dance, +except when only young girls and young men are invited. + +Some little perplexity is felt by the recipients of evening garden-party +invitations as to the style of dress that should be worn. Should ladies +wear morning dress or evening dress? Men are equally in doubt on this +point. Ought they to wear evening dress or not? Although this is not +stated on the invitation cards, yet it is tacitly understood that ladies +are expected to appear in the usual garden-party attire--smart, pretty +dresses and hats or bonnets, and small fashionable wraps carried in +place of sunshades in the event of the evening air proving somewhat +chilly. Evening dress, when worn at one of these "at homes," looks +particularly out of place. The thin evening shoes, which must of +necessity be worn with this style of dress, suit neither dewy grass nor +stony gravel; and although at the evening concerts at the Botanic +Gardens many ladies wear "evening dress" with smart evening cloaks, this +is beside the question. They go for a short half-hour or so, not for a +three hours' stay. Anyhow, at evening garden-parties, the rule is not to +wear evening dress as far as ladies are concerned. Men, on the other +hand, one and all, are expected to do so, morning dress being looked +upon as out of place on these occasions. A light overcoat is inseparable +from evening dress, therefore it is not considered risky wear for men +even on the chilliest of summer evenings. + + +=As to the arrangements= for one of these evening garden-parties. It is +usual to have tea and coffee, and light refreshments during the whole of +the evening, from arrival to departure, and to give a light supper a +little before twelve o'clock. The gardens and grounds are illuminated +with coloured lamps and lanterns, extensively or moderately, as the case +may be. A band is considered indispensable, but a good one does not seem +to be equally imperative, to judge from the indifferent performances of +various bands heard on these summer evenings. However, country audiences +are not too critical, knowing that to engage a good band from a distance +entails considerable expense, and that evening garden-parties would be +singularly few if superior music was insisted upon. Thus the local band +is encouraged to do its best, and to allow long intervals to elapse +between each selection. + +In the case of an evening turning out decidedly wet, guests invited from +a distance seldom put in an appearance, while the nearer neighbours do +so, and the evening garden-party becomes an evening reception within +doors, shorn of its numbers, it is true, but a pleasant gathering, +nevertheless, especially with those who know how to make the best of a +_contretemps_ caused by unpropitious weather. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI + +LUNCHEONS + + +=Invitations to Luncheon= are very much the order of the day in +fashionable society. Those who look back some few years remark the +importance now accorded to this mid-day meal, and contrast it with the +past. The lateness of the dinner-hour in a measure accounts for the +position now taken by luncheon in the day's programme, joined to the +fact that it offers another opportunity for social gatherings; and as +the prevailing idea seems to be to crowd into one day as much amusement +and variety and change as possible, invitations to luncheon have become +one of the features of social life. + + +=Invitations to Public Luncheons= are not now confined to the +celebration of local and civic events, but take a far wider range, and +are given on every available opportunity when the occasion can be made +to serve for assembling a large party of ladies and gentlemen. Luncheon +is by some considered to be rather a lady's meal than not, although in +reality invitations are given as frequently to the one sex as to the +other. Yet the predominance of ladies at luncheon is due to the fact +that the majority of gentlemen are too much occupied at this hour to be +at liberty to accept invitations to luncheon, while others, more idle, +breakfast at so late an hour that to them a two o'clock luncheon is a +farce as far as eating is concerned. Outside of those who are busy men +and those who are idle men, and consequently late risers, there is +another semi-occupied class of men who are always amenable to an +invitation to luncheon. + +This institution of luncheon is invaluable to people who have many +friends, acquaintances, and relations to entertain, as invitations to +this meal are given for every day in the week, with or without ceremony, +with long notice or short notice, or on the spur of the moment. + +Ladies enjoy the society of their hostess at luncheon far more than at a +dinner-party. At the former meal she makes general conversation with her +guests on both sides of the table; at the latter she is monopolised by +her immediate neighbours, by the gentleman who takes her down to dinner, +and by the one who sits at her right hand, while she leaves her guests +to be entertained by the gentlemen who take them in to dinner. At +luncheon things are different; there is no going in to luncheon, +conventionally speaking, save on official and public occasions. + +Luncheon occupies a prominent place in the round of hospitalities. +Invitations to luncheon are not formally issued on invitation cards, +unless some especial reason exists for giving a large luncheon-party, in +which case it takes rank as an entertainment. + +Large luncheon-parties are given on occasions such as lawn-tennis +tournaments and lawn-tennis parties, archery-parties, cricket-matches +and bazaars, etc. + +Semi-official luncheons are given on the occasion of laying the +foundation-stone of a church or public building, etc. This class of +luncheon is beside the question, as it is rather a banquet than a +luncheon, for which printed cards of invitation are issued. + +In general society invitations to luncheon are issued by written notes +or are verbally given according to circumstances. + + +=Invitations to Luncheon.=--A week's notice is the longest usually +given, very little notice being considered requisite. + +Many hostesses give their friends _carte blanche_ invitations to +luncheon; but ladies as a rule seldom avail themselves of this _facon de +parler_, as they consider it, and prefer to await a more direct form of +invitation. Gentlemen, on the contrary, are expected to avail themselves +of this proffered hospitality without ceremony, as the presence of a +gentleman visitor at luncheon is considered an acquisition, the reason, +perhaps, being that ladies are usually in the majority at luncheon, and +also that the unexpected arrival of one or two ladies would call for a +greater amount of attention on the part of a hostess seated at luncheon +than would the unexpected arrival of gentlemen, ladies requiring +especial attention to be shown to them in the matter of a place at +table, etc., while gentlemen are ready to offer attention instead of +requiring it, and to take any place at table, whether convenient or +otherwise. + +As a rule, the number of ladies present at luncheon greatly exceeds the +number of gentlemen present, unless at a luncheon-party, when a hostess +usually endeavours to equalise the numbers as far as possible; but it is +not imperative for her to do this, and it is immaterial whether there +are as many gentlemen as ladies present at luncheon or not. + +Luncheon is a very useful institution to a mistress of a house, as it +enables her to show a considerable amount of civility to her friends and +acquaintances. + +She can invite to luncheon those it might not, for various reasons, be +convenient to invite to dinner; as for instance, young ladies, single +ladies, elderly ladies, ladies coming to town, or into the neighbourhood +for a few days only, and so on. + +The usual rule in houses where there are children old enough to do so, +is for the children to dine at luncheon with their governess, whether +there are guests present or not. + + +=In Town the Usual Hour for Luncheon= is 1.30 to 2 o'clock; in the +country it is generally half an hour earlier. The guests are expected to +arrive within ten minutes of the hour named in the invitation, as +although punctuality is not imperative, it is very desirable. + +A guest, on his or her arrival at a house, should not, if previously +invited, inquire if the mistress of the house is at home, but should +say, on the servant opening the door, "Mrs. A. expects me to luncheon." + +When the guests are self-invited, they should inquire if the mistress of +the house is at home. + +Guests are conducted to the drawing-room before luncheon. The servant +precedes them, as at morning calls. + +When guests arrive after the hour named for luncheon, they should be at +once ushered into the dining-room, and their names announced. + +When the guests are unacquainted with each other, the hostess should +make a sort of general introduction or introductions; that is to say, +she should introduce one gentleman to two or three ladies, thus, "Mr. +A., Mrs. B., Mrs. C., and Miss D.," making but one introduction in place +of three separate introductions, this being the less formal mode of +making unimportant introductions. + +It is not always possible for a host to be present at luncheon, owing to +occupation and engagements, but courtesy to his wife's guests demands +his presence when practicable. He should either join them in the +drawing-room or in the dining-room, according to his convenience. + +Guests are not sent in to luncheon as they are to dinner. + +Ladies should not remove their hats at luncheon. They should remove +their fur coats and wraps. These should either be left in the hall on +arrival or taken off in the drawing-room or dining-room. Short gloves +should be removed; elbow gloves may be retained. + +Gentlemen should not take their hats with them into the drawing-room, +but should leave them in the hall. + +Ten minutes is the usual time allowed between the arrival of the guests +and serving luncheon, which is usually served at the hour named, the +received rule being not to wait for guests. + + +=Going in to Luncheon.=--When the luncheon gong sounds the hostess +should say to the lady of highest rank present, "Shall we go in to +luncheon?" or some such phrase. (See "The Art of Conversing.") The +visitor should then move towards the door. If the host is present, he +should walk beside her; if not, the hostess should do so. The other +ladies should follow as far as possible according to precedency, the +gentlemen going last. Thus the hostess either follows with the ladies or +leads the way. + +Guests should not go in to luncheon arm-in-arm as at a dinner-party, but +singly, each lady by herself, or, when space permits, side by side. +Gentlemen likewise, but on arriving in the dining-room, each gentleman +should place himself by the side of a lady, or between two ladies, at +table. + +The hostess should sit at the top of the table and the host at the +bottom, as at dinner, but it is immaterial where the guests sit, +although as a rule the lady of highest rank sits by the host, and the +gentleman of highest rank by the hostess. + +A late arrival should, on being ushered into the dining-room, make his +or her way to the top of the table to shake hands with the hostess, +making some polite excuse for being late. + +A hostess should rise from her seat to welcome a lady, but she should +not do so to welcome a gentleman. + +Luncheon is either served _a la Russe_ or not, according to inclination, +both ways being in equally good taste, although, as a rule, the joint is +served from the _buffet_ or side-table, while the _entrees_, game, or +poultry are placed on the table. + +For further information respecting the arrangements for luncheon, see +the work entitled "Waiting at Table." + +Formerly it was the custom in some houses for the servants to leave the +dining-room as soon as they had helped the various guests to the joint +or joints, and handed round the vegetables and the wine, in which case +the host and hostess helped the guests to the _entrees_ and sweets, or +the gentlemen present did so; but now it is invariably the rule for the +servants to remain in the room during the whole of luncheon, and to hand +the dishes and wine, etc., to the guests as at dinner-parties. + +Luncheon usually lasts about half an hour, during which time the hostess +should endeavour to render conversation general. + +As at dinner, it is the duty of a hostess to give the signal for leaving +the room, which she does by attracting the attention of the lady of +highest rank present by means of a smile and a bow, rising at the same +time from her seat. + +The host, or the gentleman nearest the door, should open it for the +ladies to pass out. + +The ladies should leave the dining-room as far as possible in the order +in which they have entered it, the hostess following last. + + +=When the host is not present=, the gentlemen should follow the ladies +to the drawing-room; but when the host is present, the gentlemen should +remain in the dining-room with the host a short time before joining the +ladies in the drawing-room. + +It is optional on the part of the host whether he returns or not with +the gentlemen to the drawing-room, although, if not particularly +engaged, it is more courteous to do so. + +Coffee is sometimes served after luncheon in the drawing-room. It is +handed on a salver immediately after luncheon. The most usual way now, +however, is to have coffee brought into the dining-room at the +conclusion of luncheon, and handed to the guests on a salver. + +The guests are not expected to remain longer than twenty minutes after +the adjournment to the drawing-room has been made. + +Ladies should put on their gloves on their return to the drawing-room +after luncheon. + +Ladies having motor-cars should previously desire their chauffeurs to +return for them from three to a quarter-past three o'clock, and the +servant should inform each guest of the arrival of her motor-car. + +When a lady requires a cab, she should ask the hostess's permission to +have one called for her. + +The subject of leave-taking is fully described in Chapter IV. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII + +BREAKFASTS + + +=Breakfast Parties= have in certain circles become a feature, and +invitations to breakfast are issued both by card and by note. + +In official circles breakfast parties are frequently given, the morning +hours up to one o'clock being the only disengaged portion of the day, +and thus the opportunity is taken for offering and receiving +hospitality, and of enjoying the society of friends and acquaintances. +The breakfast hour varies from ten to eleven, according to +circumstances, and the meal somewhat resembles a luncheon, fish, +_entrees_, game, and cold viands being given, with the addition of tea, +coffee, and liqueurs. + +Punctuality on these occasions is almost imperative, as breakfast cannot +be prolonged beyond a given limit, and therefore it is not considered +necessary to wait the coming of a late guest. + +The guests go in to breakfast as to luncheon. When a party consists of +both ladies and gentlemen, the hostess should lead the way with the lady +of highest rank, followed by the other ladies, the gentlemen following +with the host. + +When a party consists of gentlemen only, the host should lead the way +with the gentleman of highest rank, and should indicate to the principal +of the gentlemen present the places he wishes them to occupy at table; +the remainder of the company should seat themselves according to +inclination. + +The table should be laid as for luncheon, and decorated with flowers and +fruit. Tea and coffee should be served from a side table by the servants +in attendance. + +All dishes should be handed as at luncheon. + +For the details of "Breakfast-table Arrangements and Serving Breakfast," +see the work entitled "Waiting at Table." + +The guests usually leave as soon as breakfast is over, unless the ladies +are invited by the hostess to accompany her to the drawing-room, or the +gentlemen are invited by the host to smoke a cigarette or cigar previous +to their departure. + + +=House Party Breakfasts.=--In the country the breakfast hour varies from +9 to 10.30, and in some country houses it is an understood thing that +the guests are at liberty to come down to breakfast at any time between +nine and half-past ten. In not a few country houses the hostess and the +ladies breakfast in their own rooms, and the gentlemen of the party +breakfast with the host in the breakfast-room. + +The breakfast gong is a signal for assembling in the breakfast-room or +dining-room, but it is not the custom to wait for any one beyond five or +ten minutes. + +The host and hostess at once take their places at the breakfast-table. + +When the house-party is a large one, and space permits, a number of +small tables should be arranged in the breakfast-room, in addition to a +long breakfast-table. + +The servants should remain in attendance during breakfast to wait upon +the guests. + +There is no general move made from the breakfast-table as in the case of +luncheon or dinner; the hostess generally remains until the whole of the +guests have at least commenced breakfast, save in the case of very late +comers, for whom she would not be expected to remain at the head of the +breakfast-table. + +The guests leave the breakfast-table as soon as they have finished +breakfast, without waiting for any intimation from the hostess to do +so. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII + +PICNICS AND WATER-PARTIES + + +Many things contribute to draw people into the country and away from +town in the month of September; therefore there is a far larger number +in each and every neighbourhood inclined for a picnic or a water-party +than in the three previous months, June, July, and August. + +Picnic parties are sometimes invitation parties, and on other occasions +contribution parties, or parties which partake in a measure of the +character of both. + + +=Picnics by Motor-Car and Picnics by Rail.=--Almost every county has its +show place, or its ruins, its ruined abbey or its castle, its romantic +scenery, and its fine views, its hills or its dales, its waterfalls or +its glens. The southern and western counties are as rich in these +respects as the eastern counties are barren. + +When a picnic party is to proceed to its destination by rail, a saloon +carriage is engaged beforehand, and arrangement is made at the nearest +hotel to supply the party with luncheon at from 5_s._ to 10_s._ per +head, according to the style of luncheon required; or hampers of +provisions are taken under the charge of one or two men-servants. + +If the picnic party proceeds by road, a coach is the favourite mode of +conveyance, whether driven by the owner or hired for the occasion. This +is a more sociable way of going to a picnic than dividing the party into +detachments and conveying them in separate carriages. This is sometimes +unavoidable, and if the party is assembled for a start, it occasions no +little discussion as to how the party should be divided and conveyed in +the various carriages, and it takes no little tact to arrange this in a +satisfactory manner--to overrule objections, and to make things work +smoothly. Again, the members of a picnic party occasionally find their +way to the place of rendezvous independently of each other; but, +although this plan saves trouble, it does not promote sociability, and +parties of four or six are apt to clique together during the day, +instead of making themselves generally agreeable. The provision question +is a very important one, and the heads of a picnic party should arrange +in concert what each is to bring in the way of fish, flesh, fowl, fruit, +and wine. + +The services of one or two men-servants at a large picnic party are +generally required to arrange the table, to open the wine, and last, but +not least, to collect and repack the articles used in the way of plate, +china, or glass. + + +=A picnic luncheon in September= is not always the _al fresco_ spread +under the greenwood tree that it is in July, and oftener than not is +held in the best parlour of a rustic inn, or, by permission, in a barn +or shed, when the weather is not favourable for camping out. + +Usually, when a large picnic party is arranged and got up by some three +or four ladies and gentlemen, they divide the expenses of the +entertainment between themselves, and determine how many shall be +invited, each having the privilege of inviting a certain number. Other +picnics are got up on a different system, each person contributing a +share towards the general expenses; but these gatherings are not so +sociable as are the invitation picnics. + +Invitation picnics where everything is done _en prince_ are extremely +enjoyable and friendly affairs; they are big luncheons, given +out-of-doors instead of indoors, at a distance instead of at home. But +even these are not more pleasant than those well-arranged little +picnics given by officers in country quarters, when the regimental coach +conveys a favoured few to some favourite spot. + + +=Water-Parties.=--There are many ways of arranging a water-party at +yachting stations and at all riverside places. At yachting stations, for +instance, a sailing yacht is hired to convey a party of from eighteen to +twenty-five to some point of interest on the coast, in which case +luncheon and tea are provided at an hotel in the vicinity of the place +where the party have landed, and the expenses are equally divided. Not +unfrequently, on the return journey, the yacht is becalmed, and does not +reach its destination until between two and three the following morning. +If it happens to be a fine moonlight night, this prolongation of a +water-party is an additional source of enjoyment; but if there is no +moon as well as no wind, and the calm betokens a storm, it is the +reverse of pleasant. But these little _contretemps_, when they do occur, +rather lend a zest to the day's pleasure, and are something to talk +about afterwards. + +Water-parties are often given by owners of yachts. These are invitation +parties, and luncheon, tea, and sometimes dinner, are served on board, +and the party land and stroll about, but return to the yacht to be +entertained. + +Picnic and water-parties in general include as many gentlemen as ladies, +whether they are invitation or contribution parties, although sometimes +a majority of ladies is unavoidable. Ryde is a favourite station for +water-parties, as the island itself, as well as the opposite coast, +offer innumerable points of interest for picnicing, and many are able to +combine the pleasures of the yacht with those of the launch in one and +the same water-party; thus a party sails from Ryde to Yarmouth, Isle of +Wight, and then proceeds in a steam, or other, launch to Alum Bay. +Launch parties are immensely popular, both on the river and on the +coast. Some picnic on board, and others on shore, as they feel disposed. + + +=Canoe-parties= on coast and river are also popular with both ladies and +gentlemen, and here again the useful launch is brought into requisition +to convey the party home, as an hour and a half to two hours is an +average time to paddle a canoe; after that time the party land either on +the rocks or on the shore, and light a fire and boil the kettle for tea. +If the tea-drinking and the after-tea ramble are unduly prolonged there +is a chance, if on the coast, of the steam-launch running out of coal, +and of the party having to return home in their own canoes considerably +later than was expected, and not a little fatigued. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIX + +JUVENILE PARTIES + + +=Juvenile Parties= form a prominent feature in the entertainments given +during the winter months. There is scarcely a household the children of +which are not indulged with one large party at least, while others are +allowed as many as two or three children's parties during the winter +months. These parties offer no little elasticity as to their +arrangement, varying from a child's tea party, composed, perhaps, of +five or six children, to a juvenile ball, or fancy dress ball. Some +mothers object, on principle, to the latter entertainments, on the +ground that to give a large juvenile ball provokes a corresponding +number of invitations, and that a round of such gaieties is not good for +young children, either from a moral or from a hygienic point of view. +Morally, that such amusements are likely to destroy or impair the +freshness of childhood, and to engender artificial ideas in their young +minds in place of such as are natural and healthy, and that the +imitation of the manners and bearing of their elders causes them to +become miniature men and women, and divests them of the attributes of +artless and unaffected childhood. + + +=The dresses worn by children= at these entertainments are of so +elaborate a character--and so much pride is exhibited when wearing +them--that a spirit of vanity and a love of dress are aroused at a +prematurely early age. From a physical point of view, late hours, heated +rooms, rich dainties, and constant excitement have a pernicious effect +upon children. + +There is, of course, an opposite view taken by those who uphold juvenile +balls; they consider that children are the better for associating with +others of their own age outside of their own family circle, and that in +the case of only children such association is calculated to render them +lively and intelligent. Another argument in favour of these juvenile +parties is, that children who are in the habit of constantly attending +them acquire self-possessed and confident manners, and that all shyness, +_mauvaise honte_ and _gaucherie_, which distinguish many children when +in the company of strangers, are dispelled by frequent intercourse with +children of all ages. Thus, in place of the noisy game of romps, the +little gentlemen ask the little ladies to dance, pull costume bon-bons +with their favourite partners, and offer them similar attentions +throughout the evening. Of course, there are shy little gentlemen and +shy little ladies even at a juvenile ball; but it is the constant +endeavour of those who accompany them, whether mammas, elder sisters, +young aunts, or grown-up cousins, to persuade them to get the better of +this diffidence, and to induce taciturn Master Tommy to dance with timid +Miss Tiny. Sometimes Master Tommy is obstinate, as well as taciturn, and +his "won't" is as strong as his will. As with all things, so with +children's parties, the medium course is, perhaps, the wisest to take, +running into neither extreme--avoiding too much seclusion or overmuch +gaiety, and rendering such gaiety and amusement suitable to the ages of +the children invited. When an evening's entertainment consists of a +series of amusements, it is a mistake to crowd too great a variety into +the space of four hours, the usual limits of a child's party, for if so +the programme has to be hurriedly gone through, and is hardly finished +before the hour of departure. No little judgment is required when +organising juvenile parties. The hours usually selected for children's +parties, whether on a large or small scale, are from four to eight, five +to nine, six to ten, or from seven to eleven. + + +=The children on their arrival= are received in the drawing-room. In +most cases their relatives, either mothers or grown-up sisters, are +asked to accompany them. + +There is great punctuality observed as regards the hour of arrival, and +tea is usually served in the dining-room about half an hour after that +named on the invitation card. The interim is generally passed by +children in watching each fresh arrival, and in greeting their little +acquaintances, comparing notes with each other as to the teas and the +parties they are going to, or in amusing themselves with the toys +belonging to the children of the house, which are usually arranged on +tables for this purpose; and mechanical toys, walking and talking birds, +etc., musical toys, picture-books, and dolls, and the latest and newest +inventions in the way of playthings afford the little visitors an +opportunity for becoming at ease with each other. + +Tea is generally dispensed at one end of a long table, and coffee at the +opposite end. The governess usually pours out the tea, and one of the +daughters of the house the coffee; or failing her, the head nurse or +lady's maid does so. Dishes of pound, plum, and sponge cake are placed +the length of the table, interspersed with plates of thin +bread-and-butter, biscuits, and preserves; either the ladies of the +family or the servants in attendance hand them to the children. + +When the relatives accompany the children tea is usually served to them +in another room, but frequently they do not arrive until tea is over, +and the nurses accompany the children to the house. + + +=Amusements.=--The arrangements for the evening's amusement are +regulated in a measure by the amount of accommodation a house affords, +premising that boisterous games are not allowed in drawing-rooms, +unless all valuable ornaments or things likely to be broken are removed +from the rooms. + +If conjuring is one of the amusements provided, it generally takes place +in the drawing-room immediately after tea, and lasts about an hour. A +dancing-cloth is put down over the drawing-room carpet; rout seats or +cane chairs are arranged in rows. The youngest children are seated in +the first row. Performing birds, performing dogs, or performing monkeys +are also favourite amusements at these parties, and rank next to +conjuring in the estimation of children. Punch and Judy or marionettes +are popular drawing-room amusements, and either occupies the space of an +hour. + +When a cinematograph show is the entertainment provided, it takes place +in the dining-room or library, or perhaps in the housekeeper's room, if +large enough for the purpose. + +Dancing or games usually precede these amusements, and lasts from half +to three-quarters of an hour; little girls dance with each other round +and square dances, as little girls are, as a rule, more partial to +dancing than are little boys, although they one and all, great and +small, join with glee in a country dance, or in the Tempete, or in "Sir +Roger de Coverley." + +Not longer than an hour is devoted to dancing, and this is usually +followed by games. + +Impromptu charades is a favourite pastime with children; but to avoid +the juvenile audience becoming weary and impatient during the +preparation of the charades it is as well they should be amused with +some quiet game, such as "forfeits," "cross questions and crooked +answers," "proverbs," etc. At Christmas and New Year's parties the +distribution of presents is a very important feature; Christmas trees +are now rather discarded in favour of greater novelties. "Father +Christmas," "Santa Claus," "The Fairy Godmother," "The Fairies' Well," +or the "Lucky Bag" and "The Magic Log," are some of the many devices for +the distribution of presents; these popular characters are represented +by grown-up persons, and provoke much wonder and admiration amongst +children. The presents are usually given at the close of the evening. + + +=Light Refreshments= are provided in the dining-room--lemonade, wine and +water, every description of cake, sandwiches, crystallised fruits, +French plums, figs, almonds and raisins, oranges, etc. Bon-bons +containing paper caps, etc., which afford children much amusement, are +usually provided. + +When a juvenile ball is given a supper is provided; otherwise light +refreshments are considered sufficient, and are served twice during the +evening. Sometimes the children of the family, if old enough and clever +enough, act a little play--some nursery fairy tale, condensed into one +act, such as "Beauty and the Beast," "Cinderella," etc.--which lasts +about an hour, and is followed by dancing. + +When a juvenile fancy ball is given, one or two fancy quadrilles are +arranged beforehand, to be danced by the children in costume. + + + + +CHAPTER XXX + +WRITTEN INVITATIONS + + +=Writing Letters of Invitation=, and answering letters of invitation, +often occupy far longer time in the composition than the writers would +care to confess. The difficulty does not lie in an invitation itself or +in accepting or refusing it, but rather in the form in which either +should be couched, the words that should be chosen, and the expressions +that should be used; one person is afraid of being too _empresse_, +another of being too formal or too stiff; one is fearful of saying too +little, another of saying too much. + +When invitations are issued on dinner cards or on "at home" cards, the +note of acceptance should be as brief as is the printed card of +invitation, and to the printed card requesting the pleasure of Mrs. +Blank's company at dinner, the stereotyped answer is invariably Mrs. +Blank has much pleasure in accepting Mrs. Dash's kind invitation for +Saturday the 21st, or Mrs. Blank regrets that a previous engagement will +prevent her having the pleasure of accepting Mrs. Dash's kind invitation +for Saturday, the 21st. + +As regards those invitations that refer to visits of some days' +duration, those accustomed to give this description of entertainment, +know exactly what to say and how to say it. The conventional civilities +or affectionate cordialities, as the case may be, occur in their proper +places; but one point is made clear in either case, namely, the length +of the visit to be paid. There are people who are under the impression +that to specify the exact length of a visit is in a degree inhospitable, +and not sufficiently polite; and they, therefore, as a sort of +compromise, use the ambiguous term "a few days" in lieu of distinctly +defining the limit of these invitations. So far from vague invitations +such as these being an advantage to invited guests, they not seldom +place them at a disadvantage at more points than one. They are uncertain +on what day they are to take their departure. They do not wish by +leaving a day earlier to disarrange any little plans that their hostess +may have contemplated for their amusement; neither do they wish to +prolong their visit a day later, lest by so doing they should break in +upon any engagements that she may have formed on her own account +independently of her visitors. It is also not a little awkward for +guests to tell their hostess that they think of leaving on Thursday by +12.20 train. It might have suited the hostess very much better that her +visitors should have left on the Wednesday, and in her own mind she had +perhaps intended that the visit should end on that day; but, having left +the invitation open, more or less, by saying "a few days," there is +nothing left for her but to sacrifice her own arrangements to the +convenience of her guests, as without discourtesy she could hardly +suggest to them that they should leave a day earlier than the one they +had named, and the visitors remain unconscious of having in any way +trespassed upon the good nature of their hostess. + +"A few days" is also an unsatisfactory wording of an invitation to +visitors themselves; as a rule, it means three or four days, but there +is also an uncertainty as to whether the fourth day should be taken or +not. Those who interpret "a few days" to mean three days, make their +plans for departure accordingly; failing this, they are compelled to +leave their plans open, and stay from three to five days, according as +chance and circumstances may dictate. A lady would perhaps require a +little addition to her wardrobe in the matter of a five days' visit over +that of a three days' stay; but this is a trifling detail, although it +helps to swell the list of minor inconveniences which are the result of +vague invitations. There are, of course, exceptions to every rule, and +there are people who use this phrase of "Will you come and see us for a +few days?" in the _bona fide_ sense of the word, and to whom it is +immaterial whether their guests remain three days or six days; but such +an elastic invitation as this is usually given to a relative, or to a +very intimate friend, whose footing in the house is that of a relation, +and with whom the hostess does not stand on ceremony, as far as her own +engagements are concerned; and people on these friendly terms can talk +over their departure with their hostess, and consult her about it +without the faintest embarrassment. + + +=The most satisfactory invitation= is certainly the one that mentions +the day of arrival and the day of departure. Thus, after the _raison +d'etre_ of the invitation has been stated, the why and the wherefore of +its being given follows the gist of the letter: "We hope you will come +to us on Wednesday the 23rd, and remain until the 27th." It is, of +course, open to a hostess to ask her visitors to prolong their stay +beyond the date named if she sees reason for so doing; but this is the +exception rather than the rule in the case of short visits, and guests +take their departure as a matter of course on the day named in the +invitation. Hostess and guests are perfectly at ease upon the subject, +and guests do not feel on delicate ground with their hostess, or fear to +outstay their welcome. When a visit has been paid it is polite, if not +imperative, to write to the hostess and express the pleasure that has +been derived from it. Oftener than not some little matter arises which +necessitates a note being written apart from this; but whether or not, +good feeling and good taste would dictate that some such note should be +written, and, as it can always include little matters of general +interest in connection with the past visit, it need neither be over +ceremonious nor coldly polite. + + +=To write a letter asking for an invitation=, or to answer a letter +asking for an invitation, is in either case a difficult letter to write, +as many have ere this discovered. When a married lady asks for an +invitation for a young relative or friend staying with her, to some +dance or "at home" to which she herself is invited, the note is simple +enough, and the answer is generally a card of invitation or a written +permission to bring her. Again, in the case of asking for invitations +for gentlemen, if a lady is going to a ball, she can without hesitation, +ask for cards of invitation for one or two gentlemen friends of her own, +mentioning their names in the note. In this case also the answer is +generally in the affirmative, as men are always acquisitions at a ball. +The awkwardness of the situation arises when a good-natured person is +solicited to obtain an invitation to a smart ball for a lady and her +daughters, or for the young ladies only, the latter knowing some one who +would chaperon them if they could only get an invitation. If the lady +who asks for the invitation is a fashionable ball-giver, the probability +is that her request will be granted; but if the contrary, the reverse +will most likely be the case. Even when writing to an intimate friend, +there is always a delicacy in asking for an invitation for a third +person, and society appears to become, year after year, still more +exclusive on this point. Many people are reluctant, or decline +altogether, to put themselves under an obligation of this nature, even +for those with whom they are most intimate; it may be that the number of +refusals good-natured people have received from their friends when +trying to render services of this description, have made them chary of +putting themselves forward again in a similar manner: it is chilling to +be told that the list is over full, or that so many people have been +refused already, or that there is not a card to spare. But a few years +ago a ball was not considered a success unless it was an over-crowded +one; the popularity of the ball-giver was shown by the guests scarcely +being able to find standing-room. Thus, invitations were given right +and left to the friends of those who asked for them. + +But the fashion of to-day is to style a crowded ball-room a +"bear-garden," and to confine the invitations, with but very few +exceptions, to those who are strictly on the visiting list of the +ball-giver; and pretty girls may sigh in vain for an invitation to a +ball given even by a relative or acquaintance of their own, if not on +their visiting list. Still, invitations are constantly asked for by +people for their friends, and sometimes they are given and sometimes +they are refused, as the case may be, but much depends upon the position +of the one who solicits the favour. + +If the giver of an entertainment wishes to oblige the petitioner, she +will stretch a point to do so; if not, she will write a polite note of +excuse, giving one of the reasons before mentioned. It is thoroughly +understood people do not ask for invitations for themselves, whatever +they may do for their friends, and that they would not do so unless they +were themselves invited. Living at a distance modifies, however, this +latter rule; and friends in the country often ask for invitations for +friends in town, and _vice versa_. + + +=Dinner invitations= are, as a matter of course, never asked for; but +invitations to garden-parties, afternoon "at homes," and afternoon teas, +are frequently asked for and readily given. Some are intimate enough at +the house where they visit to take a relative or friend with them to +these afternoon gatherings without observing the punctiliousness of +asking for an invitation; others, on less intimate terms, do not venture +upon doing so. + +In all cases when an invitation is asked for, a hostess should never +neglect to send a reply, and should not take for granted that her +friends will naturally understand that silence gives consent, for under +the circumstances it is very possible to interpret it to signify a +refusal. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXI + +REFUSING INVITATIONS + + +Many reasons exist for declining invitations other than the plea of a +prior engagement. + +"Mrs. M. regrets ('much regrets,' or 'very much regrets') that a +previous engagement prevents her having the pleasure of accepting Mrs. +N.'s 'invitation,' or 'kind invitation.'" When on more intimate terms, +Mrs. M. should write in the first person when declining an invitation. +It is an open question whether the nature of the engagement should be +stated or not. Even intimate friends often confine themselves to the +statement of the bare fact only that a prior engagement exists; others, +on the contrary, state the nature of the engagement, and there is no +doubt that this latter course considerably softens a refusal and lessens +the disappointment experienced, and therefore, when practicable, should +always be followed. + +When a prior engagement cannot be made the basis of a refusal, then the +refusal must rest on other lines; ill health, a severe cold, etc., are +valid excuses. Failing these, the refusal should be as follows:--"Mrs. +Z. regrets she is unable to accept Mrs. X.'s kind invitation, etc." + +It occasionally happens that it is desirable to break an engagement, +circumstances having changed the aspect of things. The invitation, +perhaps, was a verbal one, and a refusal was not easy at the moment. + +Again, impromptu invitations are sometimes refused, having been too +hastily accepted--the servant who brought the note waited for an +answer, and on the impulse of the moment an affirmative answer was +given; the wife had not time to consult her husband, and accepted for +him as well as for herself; or perhaps some potent domestic reason that +could not be explained induced a subsequent refusal. + +The fashionable world accepts refusals as a matter of course, and fills +up the gaps with other invitations. + +Refusals of dinner invitations from those for whom a dinner-party was +partly originated are always disappointing, even to the most popular of +dinner givers, in the same way that the absence of the principal +neighbour from a county entertainment is felt to cast a shadow over the +proceedings of the day. + +Although printed cards of acceptance and of refusal are in general use, +yet many cases arise which render written refusals imperative. + +As regards the refusal of invitations asked for, such requests should +not be made unless on very safe ground, and with a certainty of meeting +with acquiescence, yet occasionally these requests are either unwelcome +or inadmissible, and refusals are consequently given; but, unless worded +with tact and good nature, they are often the cause of strained +relations between both friends and acquaintances. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXII + +WALKING, DRIVING, AND RIDING + + +=The Usual Hours for Walking= in the Park are from 9 until 10.30 a.m. +The hours for afternoon walking and sitting in the Park are from 4 to 7 +p.m. during the summer months. + +The fashionable hours for walking in the Park on Sunday are from 1 to 2 +p.m., both in winter and summer; and from 5 to 7 p.m. in the summer +months. + +Married ladies can, if they please, walk out unaccompanied or unattended +in places of public resort in town or on the parades of fashionable +watering-places; but married ladies, especially if they are young, +usually prefer the society of another lady, not so much, perhaps, for +propriety as for companionship, as to walk alone, either in town or at +fashionable watering-places, renders a lady more or less conspicuous, +especially if she is attractive and well dressed. + +A young lady can now also walk by herself in the Park for the purpose of +joining her friends and acquaintances, both in the morning and in the +afternoon, but she should not sit alone. + +Again, young ladies may walk alone in the fashionable streets, but they +should not loiter when alone at shop-windows as they pass, but walk at a +quick pace from shop to shop, or from street to street. + +In the quiet neighbourhoods of towns, suburban towns, and +watering-places, young ladies walk unaccompanied and unattended to +visit their friends residing in the near vicinity of their homes, or to +attend classes, or for the purpose of shopping, etc. Indeed, great +independence is generally accorded in this respect, the line being drawn +at evening hours--that is to say, at walking alone after dusk. + +At watering-places, and at all public promenades, it is usual for +gentlemen to join ladies with whom they are acquainted, and to walk with +them for a short time when it is apparent that their company is desired, +but not otherwise. + +Ladies and gentlemen, whether related or not, should never walk +arm-in-arm, unless the lady is an elderly one, or an invalid, and +requires this support. + + +=Driving.=--From 3 to 6.30 are the received hours for the afternoon +drive during the summer, and from 2.30 to 4.30 during the winter. + +The following rules as regards entering and leaving a carriage apply to +a motor-car or an electric brougham as far as the construction, make, +and size of the same render it possible. + +When driving in an open or close carriage or motor-car it is quite +immaterial whether the owner occupies the right-hand or the left-hand +seat. The seat she occupies depends upon which side she enters, as the +lady driving with her should enter before her and should seat herself on +the furthest seat. + +A visitor should always enter the motor-car or carriage before the +hostess. + +When three ladies enter a motor-car or carriage the young unmarried lady +should take the back seat and the two married ladies should occupy the +front seat; this is a matter of courtesy on the part of a young lady due +to married ladies and not strictly demanded by etiquette. + +A husband should sit with his back to the horses, or by the side of the +chauffeur in the case of a motor-car, when a lady is driving with his +wife. + +A gentleman should be the first to get out of a motor-car or carriage, +with a view to assisting the ladies to do so. + +As a rule the hostess should leave the carriage or car after her guest +and not before her, unless it is more convenient to do otherwise. + +When a lady is merely calling for an acquaintance to take her for a +drive, she should not descend from her car or carriage for the purpose +of allowing her to enter it before her. + +In the afternoon young ladies may drive alone in the public +thoroughfares, unaccompanied by married ladies. It is permissible for a +young lady to drive alone in the Park or in the streets. A married lady +can, as a matter of course, drive unaccompanied. + +It would be unconventional were a lady to drive alone with a gentleman +in his motor-car, unless he were nearly related to her, or unless she +were engaged to be married to him. + +It is usual for the owner of a carriage to sit with her face to the +horses; when a married lady is driving with her she should sit beside +her. When young ladies are driving with her in addition to the married +lady they should sit with their backs to the horses. + +When a lady is driving with her husband, and a young lady accompanies +her, she should not offer the front seat to the young lady, but should +retain it herself, and even should the offer be made, a young lady +should not avail herself of it. + + +=Riding.=--As regards riding in town, the hours for practice in the Row +are from 8 to 10 a.m. in summer and 9 to 11 a.m. in winter, for +inexperienced riders and beginners; young ladies ride with a +riding-master or with a riding-mistress, or with a relative, as the case +may be. + +The hours for riding in the Park range from 9.30 to 10.30 a.m. + +It is thoroughly understood that a lady may ride in the Park alone--that +is, unaccompanied or unattended--for the purpose of joining her friends. +It is argued, in these days of woman's emancipation, that no possible +harm or annoyance can arise from the fact of a lady riding unattended, +beyond the always possible chance of an accident. + +Although great latitude is now allowed to young ladies with regard to +riding alone, many parents still prefer that their daughters should be +attended by their grooms. + +Two ladies frequently ride together, unaccompanied by a gentleman and +unattended by a groom. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIII + +BOWING + + +As regards the recognition of friends or acquaintances, it is the +privilege of a lady to take the initiative, by being the first to bow. A +gentleman should not raise his hat to a lady until she has accorded him +this mark of recognition, although the act of bowing is a simultaneous +action on the part of both lady and gentleman, as a lady would hardly +bestow a bow upon a gentleman not prepared to return it. + +The bow between intimate acquaintances takes the character, when given +by a lady, of a familiar nod in place of a stiff bow. + + +=When a gentleman returns the bow= of a lady he should do so by +distinctly taking his hat off and as quickly replacing it, not merely +raising it slightly, as formerly, and if he is an intimate acquaintance +or friend, he should act in a similar manner. + +In France and on the Continent generally, the rule of bowing is +reversed, and the gentleman is the first to bow to the lady, instead of +the lady to the gentleman. + +Between ladies but slightly acquainted, the one of highest rank should +be the first to bow to the other; between ladies of equal rank it is +immaterial which of the two bows first. + + +=A lady should not bow= to persons only known to her by sight, although +she may frequently have seen them in the company of her friends. + +A lady should bow to a gentleman, either a friend or acquaintance, even +when he is walking with either a lady or gentleman, with whom she is +unacquainted. + +Gentlemen do not raise their hats in recognition of each other, but +simply nod, when not walking with ladies, save when a vast difference +exists in rank or age. + +When a gentleman meets another--a friend of his--walking with a lady or +ladies, with whom he himself is unacquainted, he should raise his hat +and look straight before him, not at the lady or ladies. + +A lady should not bow to another who, being a stranger to her, has +addressed a few remarks to her at an afternoon party, as the fact of +meeting at the house of a mutual friend does not constitute an +acquaintanceship, and does not authorise a future bowing acquaintance. + +Ladies, as a rule, are not too ready to bow to those whom they have +merely conversed with in a casual way. In the first place, they are not +quite certain of being remembered, and nothing is more disconcerting and +disagreeable than to bow to a person who does not return it through +forgetfulness of the one who has given it, or through shortsightedness, +or through actual intention. Short-sighted people are always offending +in the matter of not bowing, and almost every third person, +comparatively speaking, complains of being more or less short-sighted; +thus it behoves ladies to discover for themselves the strength and +length of sight possessed by their new acquaintances, or the chances are +that their bow may never be returned, or they may continue to labour +under the impression that they have received a cut direct; thus many +pleasant acquaintances are lost through this misapprehension, and many +erroneous impressions created. + + +=A bowing acquaintance= is a difficult and tiresome one to maintain for +any length of time, when opportunities do not arise for increasing it. +The irksomeness of keeping it up is principally experienced by persons +meeting day after day in the Park or on public promenades, riding, +driving, or walking, more especially when it is tacitly understood that +the acquaintance should not develop into a further acquaintance. + +It would be considered discourteous to discontinue a bowing acquaintance +which has once been commenced. + +To know a gentleman by sight through having frequently seen him at balls +and parties, does not give a lady the right to bow to him, even though +she may have stood beside him for some twenty minutes or so on a crowded +staircase, and may have received some slight civility from him. + +A lady who has received a little service from a stranger would gladly +acknowledge it at any subsequent meeting by a pleasant bow, but as +bowing to a gentleman argues an acquaintance with him, and as in such +cases as these an acquaintance does not exist, etiquette provides no +compromise in the matter. Therefore, if a young lady takes her own line, +and rather than appear ungracious bows to a gentleman who has not been +introduced to her either directly or indirectly, it is a breach of +etiquette on her part; and as to do an unconventional thing is not +desirable, the innumerable little services which ladies receive in +general society are not further acknowledged beyond the thanks expressed +at the moment of their being received. + + +=Bows vary materially=: there is the friendly bow, the distant bow, the +ceremonious bow, the deferential bow, the familiar bow, the reluctant +bow, and so on, according to the feelings that actuate individuals in +their intercourse with each other. + +When a bowing acquaintance only exists between ladies and gentlemen, and +they meet perhaps two or three times during the day, and are not +sufficiently intimate to speak, they do not usually bow more than once, +when thus meeting in park or promenade. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIV + +THE COCKADE + + +=Cockades are worn= by servants in livery of officers in the army and +navy, and all those who hold His Majesty's commission; also of +lords-lieutenants and deputy-lieutenants. + +Retainers of the Crown are entitled to the use of the cockade as a badge +of the reigning dynasty. + +The fact that cockades are now so frequently worn by men-servants may be +accounted for thus: + +Deputy-lieutenants are far more numerous now than was formerly the case; +almost every country gentleman is a deputy-lieutenant, and consequently +his servants are entitled to the use of the cockade. The privilege of +appearing in uniform at levees instead of in Court dress has been and is +an incentive to many to seek for and obtain the appointment of +deputy-lieutenant. Again, all justices of the peace claim the use of the +cockade as being "Civil retainers of the Crown"; and although there is +no clearly defined rule on this head, according to the late Sir Albert +Woods, Garter-King-at-Arms, it has long been tacitly conceded to them. + +The custom of livery servants wearing cockades dates from the +commencement of the eighteenth century, and was at first purely a +military distinction. + +The cockade worn by the servants of the members of the Royal Family, and +by all who claim to be of Royal descent, is slightly different in shape +from that known as the badge of the reigning dynasty, _i.e._ the +Hanoverian badge, and is round in shape and without a fan. The military +cockade is of an oval shape, terminating in a fan. The civil cockade is +of an oval shape also, but without the fan. The naval cockade is +identical with the civil cockade. + +The white cockade is the badge of the House of Stuart. The black cockade +that of the House of Hanover. The servants of foreign ambassadors wear +cockades in colour according to their nationalities. Black and white for +Germany; black and yellow for Austria; the tricolour for France; scarlet +for Spain; blue and white for Portugal; and black and yellow for +Belgium. + +The word cockade, according to a well-known authority, was borrowed from +the French _cocarde_, having originally been applied to the plumes of +cock's feathers worn by Croatian soldiers serving in the French army. +Some such plume, or in its place a bunch of ribbons, came to be used in +pinning up the flaps of the hat into a cocked position, and thus +gradually the word passed for the name of the "cocked" hat itself. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXV + +COUNTRY-HOUSE VISITS + + +September is actually the commencement of the country visiting season, +the few visits that are paid in August are but a prelude to the +programme that is to follow during the succeeding five months. + + +=The visitors received in August= are principally relatives. The +exceptions to the August family parties are the August cricket parties +in the counties where cricket is made a great feature during that month, +where the cricket weeks and consequent large country-house parties are +of annual recurrence, and where balls and private theatricals form part +of the week's amusement. It often follows that people visit at the same +houses year after year, they arrange their tour of visits with regard to +those invitations which they annually receive; new acquaintances and new +houses whereat to visit are added to the list from time to time and take +the place of those which, as a matter of course, drop out of it. +Sometimes the invitations fit into each other admirably, like the pieces +of a puzzle; at others there is an awkward interval of a day, or two or +three days, to be filled up between leaving one house and arriving at +another. If the hostess is, in either case, a relation or an intimate +friend, this difficulty is easily surmounted by staying on at one house +until the day fixed for arrival at another, or _vice versa_; but if a +guest is on ceremony with her hostess, or if, as is often the case, new +arrivals are expected for the following week, the alternative is to +spend a few days in town, as although the house where the next visit to +be paid might be within twenty or thirty miles of the house the visitor +is about to leave, it would be unusual to spend the interval at an hotel +in the adjacent town, as to do so might reflect upon the hospitality of +the hostess. On the other hand, invitations are sometimes given +independently of dates, but this friendly style of invitation is not +given when a large party is invited, and it is understood to mean that +the hostess may be quite alone, or may have guests staying with her, as +the case may be. This form of invitation is frequently given to people +visiting in Scotland, on account of the great distance from town. + +It is a very general custom to give shooting parties the third week in +September, harvest permitting. If the harvest is late on account of +unfavourable weather the shooting parties are postponed until the first +week in the ensuing month. The guests, or at least the crack guns, are +usually invited for partridge driving, which is what partridge shooting +now actually amounts to. + +There are large shooting parties and small shooting parties, shooting +parties to which royalty is invited and shooting parties restricted to +intimate friends or relations, but in either case the period is the +same, three days' shooting. + + +=If a party is limited to five guns=, seven ladies is the average number +invited, the hostess relying upon a neighbour or a neighbour's son to +equalise the balance at the dinner-table. The success of house-parties +mainly depends upon people knowing each other, or fraternising when they +are introduced or have made each other's acquaintance. The ladies of a +country-house party are expected, as a rule, to amuse themselves, more +or less, during the day. After luncheon there is usually a drive to a +neighbouring town, a little shopping to be done there, or a call to be +paid in the neighbourhood by some of the party, notably the married +ladies, the young ladies being left to their own resources. + +At the close of a visit game is offered to those of the shooters to whom +it is known that it will be acceptable. + +The head gamekeeper is usually instructed to put up a couple of brace of +pheasants and a hare. But in some houses even this custom is not +followed, and the whole of the game killed, with the exception of what +is required for the house, finds its way into the market, both the local +market and the London market. + + * * * * * + +Shooting parties as a rule give a hostess little anxiety on the score of +finding amusement for the ladies of the party, as so many aids out of +doors are at her command at this season of the year. This is a great +advantage, as although some few ladies possessing great strength of +nerve have taken up shooting as an amusement and pastime and acquit +themselves surprisingly well in this manly sport, yet ladies in general +are not inclined for so dangerous a game, and even those intrepid ladies +who have learnt how to use their little gun would never be permitted to +make one or two of a big shooting party, even were they so inclined. + +The hostess and the ladies of the party invariably join the shooters at +luncheon, and some of the ladies go out with the shooters in the morning +to watch their prowess in the field; but this entails a great deal of +walking where partridge shooting is concerned, which is quite another +thing to covert shooting in November and December. + + +=A good hostess has great opportunities= for distinguishing herself when +entertaining a country-house party, from the arrival of the first +motor-car to the departure of the last. Her consideration and tact are +so successfully exerted that somehow her guests always find themselves +doing exactly what they like best and in company with those who are +most congenial to them, to say nothing of the comfort of the general +domestic arrangements, which seem to have been arranged exclusively for +their convenience. If they wish to drive, there is a carriage or +motor-car at their disposal; if they prefer a constitutional, there is +some one very agreeable desirous of walking with them. The daily papers +are always to be found, the post-bag goes out at a most convenient hour +by the hand of a special messenger, the dinner is of the best, and the +evening is of the cheeriest. Bridge as a rule is played in most houses, +and several tables are arranged in the drawing-room to accommodate the +would-be players. + +Occasionally, when the birds are wild and sport is slack, a sort of +picnic luncheon is held in the vicinity of a keeper's lodge, under the +shade of some wide-spreading trees, when the ladies join the party; but +in September keen sportsmen rather despise this playing at shooting, and +resent the interruption caused by the company of ladies at luncheon, and +prefer to take it in the rough and smoke the while. Every day of the +week is not thus given up to shooting, and there are few owners of +manors who would care to provide five days' consecutive sport for their +guests, and two days' hard shooting is probably followed by what is +called an idle day. On these off days in September the hostess often +gives a garden-party, or takes her guests to one given by a neighbour at +some few miles distant; or she holds a stall at a bazaar and persuades +her guests to assist her in disposing of her stock; or she induces her +party to accompany her to some flower-show in which she takes a local +interest; or the host and one or two of the best shots start early after +breakfast to shoot with a neighbour, and the remainder of the guests +drive over to a picturesque ruin, where they picnic, and return home in +time for the eight-o'clock dinner. If the owner of a mansion has a coach +the whole party is conveyed on it, otherwise the motor-cars are brought +into requisition, while saddle horses are provided for those who care +to ride. A country-house party occasionally resolves itself into two or +more cliques, as far as the ladies are concerned; gentlemen, as a rule, +are not much given to this sort of thing. On the first evening, as soon +as the ladies have left the dining-room for the drawing-room, these +little cliques are tacitly formed, and continue unbroken until the close +of the visit. There are many reasons which call these cliques into +existence--old intimacies revived, new acquaintanceships to be +strengthened, unwelcome acquaintanceships to be avoided, and so on. +These cliques are by no means agreeable to the hostess, indeed, quite +the contrary--but she is powerless to prevent their being formed, and +she is herself sometimes drawn into one or other of them, and sometimes +altogether excluded from them. Any one who is at all conversant with +country-house visiting is aware how thoroughly the influence of the +clique pervades the atmosphere of the drawing-room; and yet, perhaps, at +country-house parties more friendships are formed and intimacies +cemented than at any other gatherings. + + +=The evening amusements= at country-house parties vary very much +according to the proclivities of the hostess or those of her daughters. +At some houses dancing is the order of things for a couple of hours or +so after dinner, but this mode of spending the evening does not always +commend itself to the gentlemen, who, after a long day's walking through +wet turnips and over heavy ploughed land, or a hard day's riding over +stiff fences, rather incline towards the _dolce far niente_ of a +luxurious armchair than to the pleasures of the mazy valse, and are +proportionately grateful to a hostess who does not call upon them to +undergo any further exercise than what they have already gone through +for their own pleasure. + +In most country-house parties bridge forms the chief if not the only +amusement, and is played not only after dinner but in the afternoon +also. Amateur theatricals and _tableaux vivants_, impromptu charades, +thought reading, conjuring, etc., are fashionable amusements and easy of +accomplishment: the first-named of these demands considerable study and +plenty of time for rehearsal, therefore theatricals are generally +engaged in when the party is composed of relatives rather than of +acquaintances, and when the visit would be perhaps prolonged to ten days +or a fortnight. + +Some hostesses prefer keeping late hours to early hours, and do not +retire until after twelve; this does not commend itself to the +gentlemen, as they are not supposed to adjourn to the smoking-room until +the ladies have left the drawing-room, and gentlemen like to spend a +couple of hours in the smoking-room after dinner. + + +=In hunting counties= the breakfast is usually an early one, varying +from nine o'clock to half-past nine, according to whether the ride to +covert is likely to be a long or a short one; but, as a rule, the +nominal breakfast hour is 9.30 o'clock. A certain amount of latitude is +allowed to guests as regards coming down to breakfast; they do not +assemble in the morning-room, but all make their way to the +breakfast-room, and seat themselves at once at table, while many ladies +breakfast in their own rooms. + + +=In Scotland, an invitation to shoot= often means a visit of three +weeks. The accommodation of the shooting-box or lodge may be limited or +primitive, and it is very often both of these; but it matters very +little to the sportsman what sort of bed he sleeps on, or how he is made +to rough it, providing the grouse are plentiful. On some of the moors +there are but cottages and farmhouses for the occupation of the +sportsmen, but on others the houses are excellent, and let with the +moors, as many take a moor season after season and invite their friends +to shoot between the 12th of August and October. The grand shooting +parties that are annually given in Scotland by owners of large estates +and fine shootings extends throughout the whole of the shooting season, +and guests come and go without intermission; as one leaves another +arrives. Certain houses or castles are much gayer than others; to some +very few ladies are asked, the majority of the guests being +gentlemen--probably the hostess and two ladies and eight men--in others, +the numbers are more equal; in others, again, the party sometimes +consists entirely of men with a host and no hostess. Ladies generally +ask their most intimate friends to Scotland rather than acquaintances, +as they are left to themselves the whole of the day, dinner being often +postponed until nine o'clock, on account of the late return of the +sportsmen. + + +=South of the Tweed, September invitations= are usually given for three +or four days, from Tuesday till Saturday; married couples, young ladies, +and young men, are all asked, and the ladies find amusement in +lawn-tennis, or in attending or assisting at some neighbouring bazaar or +fancy fair, as in this month county bazaars are very popular, and the +visitors at one house lend their services in conjunction with the +visitors at another, to hold stalls at a bazaar got up by a third +influential lady; and thus the stalls are well stocked, and the +fashionable stall-holders give an impetus to the whole affair. + +Ladies see very little of the gentlemen between breakfast and dinner. +The shooters start about eleven, and seldom return much before seven. + +When it is dark at four, those who prefer ladies' society and tea to the +smoking-room and billiards, make themselves presentable and join the +ladies. + + +=As regards the Etiquette of Visiting at Bachelors' Houses.=--It is +thoroughly understood that ladies should be accompanied by their +husbands, and young ladies by their father and mother, or by a married +couple with whom they are on terms of great intimacy, in which case the +married lady acts as chaperon to the young ladies. Young ladies cannot +stay at the house of a bachelor unless chaperoned by a married lady, or +by a female relative of their host. A widow and her daughter could of +course join a party of ladies staying at a bachelor's house, or stay on +a visit to him were he alone, or entertaining bachelor friends. + +When a bachelor gives a country-house party, and nominally does the +honours himself, occasionally one of the married ladies of the party +tacitly takes the lead. + +The position of a young widower is similar to that of a bachelor as +regards society. Later in life, the contrary is the case; a widower with +grown-up daughters gives entertainments for them, and the eldest +daughter does the honours, thus reducing the position again to that of +host and hostess. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVI + +HUNTING AND SHOOTING + + +=Ladies in the Hunting-Field.=--There is no arena better fitted to +display good riding on the part of women than the hunting-field, and no +better opportunity for the practice of this delightful accomplishment +and for its thorough enjoyment. It is urged, however, that it argues +cruelty of disposition and unwomanly feeling to join in the pursuit of a +poor, miserable, hunted fox, and worse still to be in at the death, and +that women are liable to be carried away by the enthusiasm of the hour +to applaud and to witness what they would otherwise shrink from. This +argument has a certain weight, and deters many from actually hunting who +would otherwise join in the sport, and they make a compromise by +regularly attending the meets, and even witnessing a throw-off of a +fox-break covert. Every strong point that a rider possesses is brought +out in the field. The canter in the Row, the trot through the +country-lanes, or the long country ride are very feeble substitutes for +the intense enjoyment experienced when taking part in a good run; the +excitement felt and shared in by the whole field exhilarates and +stimulates, and renders fatigue a thing out of the question, not to be +thought of until the homeward ride is well over. + +Considering the number of ladies who hunt, the accidents that occur are +surprisingly few, for the obvious reason that ladies do not attempt to +hunt unless their skill as good horsewomen is beyond all question. Their +husbands, their fathers, their brothers would not allow them to +jeopardise their lives, unless their riding and experience, their +courage, their nerve, and their instruction justified the attempt. + +There are also two other weighty considerations necessary to success--a +good mount, and a good lead. The father or husband invariably selects +the one, and the friend--either of the fair rider or of the husband or +brother--gives the all-important lead, without which few ladies venture +upon hunting, save those few who are independent enough to cut out their +own work. + +Ladies, who are naturally fond of riding, cannot always indulge in the +pleasure of hunting, on the ground of expense, for instance. A lady may +possess a fairly good horse for ordinary purposes, to ride in the Row, +or for country exercise, but very few gentlemen of moderate means can +afford to keep hunters for the ladies of their families as well as for +themselves, although, in fiction, this is freely done. If a lady has one +good hunter of her own, she may expect two days' hunting a week, +providing the country is not too stiff, and the meets are fairly +convenient. Occasionally, a mount may be obtained from a good-natured +friend, whose stud is larger than his requirements; but this is not to +be depended upon in every-day life, and popular ladies and first-rate +riders are more in the way of receiving these attentions than the +general run of ladies. + +As regards the presence of young ladies in the hunting-field, there are +two opinions respecting its advisability, apart from the question of +whether it is or is not a feminine pursuit. The long ride home in the +November and December twilight, in the company of some member of the +hunt, who has become the young lady's cavalier for the time being, is +not to the taste of many parents; chaperonage must of necessity be +greatly dispensed with in the hunting-field, and this is an objection +which many fathers advance against their daughters hunting. + +Some husbands entertain equally strict views on this head, and are of +opinion that the boldest rider and the best lead to follow in the field +is not always the guest they would most desire to see at their own +firesides. + + +=Hunt-Breakfasts.=--A lady should not go to a hunt-breakfast at the +house of a country gentleman if unacquainted with him, or some member of +his family, unless asked to do so by a mutual acquaintance. All +gentlemen riding to hounds, whether strangers to the host or not, have +the privilege of entering any house where a hunt-breakfast is given and +accepting the hospitality offered. The breakfast, which is in reality a +cold collation, with the addition of wine, liqueurs, ale, etc., is +usually laid out in the dining-room, and no ceremony whatever is +observed; the gentlemen come and go as they please. + +The mistress of the house should either be present at a hunt-breakfast +and receive the ladies who arrive in the hall or dining-room, or she +should receive them in the drawing-room, where refreshments should be +brought to them. + +When a hostess intends riding to hounds, she is often mounted before her +neighbours arrive, in which case she invites them to enter the house for +refreshments, if they care to do so. + + +=Gentlemen who go down into a County= for a few days' hunting only +seldom wear "pink," and prefer riding to hounds in black coats. + +The members of the hunt wear pink as a matter of course, but it is +considered better taste for a stranger to wear a black coat than to +appear in a _new_, _very new_, unspecked red one. + + +=Sporting Terms.=--Persons unversed in matters appertaining to "country +life" and "country sports," town bred, and who have had little or no +opportunity of acquiring a knowledge of the subject from personal +experience, can hardly fail to commit many and various mistakes when +brought into contact with sportsmen and their sports. + +A knowledge of sporting matters and sporting terms, and the etiquette +observed by sportsmen, is only arrived at by associating with those +thoroughly conversant with the subject, and with whom "sport" has formed +part of their education so to speak. + + +=The Shooting Season commences= on the 12th of August with grouse +shooting in the north of England, Scotland, and Ireland. Partridge +shooting commences on the 1st of September and terminates on the 1st of +February. + +The finest partridge shooting is allowed by general consent to be found +in the eastern counties. + +Partridge driving does not take place until January to any great extent. + + +=Pheasant Shooting= commences the 1st of October and terminates the 1st +of February. + + +=Hares= may be shot up to the 1st of March. + + +=Rabbits= may be shot all the year round. + + +=Rooks= are shot during the spring and summer. + + * * * * * + +It is difficult to make a would-be sportsman comprehend the strict +etiquette maintained between the owners of manors; that is to say, he +would think nothing of crossing the boundary of his host's manor, "gun +in hand," if he felt inclined to follow a bird or hare he had wounded, +oblivious of the fact that, in the first place, the greatest +punctiliousness is observed between gentlemen in the matter of +trespassing on each other's land when out shooting; and, that unless the +greatest intimacy existed, a sportsman would hardly venture to pick up +his dead bird if it had fallen on a neighbour's manor, and would on no +account look for a wounded bird, but for a dead one only. In the second +place he would carefully observe the rule of leaving his gun on his own +side of the boundary, and would certainly not carry it with him to his +neighbour's land. These are points that strangers invited for a few +days' shooting very often fall foul of, creating thereby much +unpleasantness for their host through their ignorance and inexperience. + + +=When a gentleman is invited to join= a shooting-party, it would not be +necessary for him to take a loader with him, as his host would find a +man to perform that office for him, unless he had a servant with him +capable of performing that duty; but if he were residing in the +neighbourhood he would, as a matter of course, take his loader with him +when asked to join a shooting-party, and in both cases he would shoot +with two guns, as to shoot with one gun only causes a vexatious delay. + +A frequent cause of offence to sportsmen is for a gentleman to be noisy +when out shooting, that is to say, to be "loudly talkative," or +"boisterously merry," or given to indulge in exclamations when a bird +rises, or when a bird is missed; your true sportsman maintains a strict +silence. + +There are numberless other points relating to field sports wherein the +"inexperienced sportsman" is apt to give offence, but which would take +up too much space to enter into in a work of this description. + + +=The Fees, or Tips to the Gamekeepers=, vary from 10_s._ to L5, +according to the number of days' shooting enjoyed or the extent of the +bag. + +For one day's partridge-shooting the tip to the head gamekeeper would be +a sovereign; for a good day's pheasant-shooting, as much as two +sovereigns would probably be given. A gentleman who does not tip or fee +up to this mark is not likely to find himself too well placed in a +battue. + +The cost of a game licence is L3, and lasts twelve months, from 1st +August to the 31st of July the following year, or L2 from the 1st of +August to the 31st of October, or L2 from the 1st of November to the +31st of July in the following year, or L1 for fourteen days. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVII + +SHAKING HANDS + + +The etiquette with regard to shaking hands is not an open question, it +is distinct enough and simple enough for all exigencies, but yet there +is individual temperament to be taken into account which in many drives +etiquette out of the field, if by etiquette is understood not merely +stiff propriety of action, but politeness in the truest sense of the +word, and doing that which is exactly the right thing to do. Etiquette +rules when to shake hands and when not to do so, when to bow and when +not to bow; but in spite of this knowledge, which is within every one's +reach, there are many mistakes made on this head. + +For instance, one does not offer to shake hands when expected to do so; +another offers to shake hands three times; one displays unwarrantable +warmth in shaking hands; another extends two fingers only; one shakes +hands in a limp and uncomfortable manner, and takes the extended hand +merely to drop it; another literally pumps the extended hand, or crushes +the rings into a lady's fingers when shaking hands with her. + + +=A lady who does not shake hands= when expected to do so is actuated by +one or other of the following reasons--she did not wish to shake hands +with a certain acquaintance, and preferred to bow only, or she was not +aware whether she should have shaken hands or not. + +The gentlemen who shake hands with great warmth and _empressement_ are +two distinct individuals; the one is cordial and large-hearted, and has +a friendly grasp for every one--a grasp indicative of kindliness, +geniality, and good fellowship--the other wishes to ingratiate himself +in certain quarters, and loses no opportunity of demonstratively shaking +hands, but no one is deceived by this spurious imitation of the real +thing. + + +=When a lady gives but two fingers= to people whom she does not care +about, she is always a person who fancies herself, and who feels very +fine; she doubtless is, but her good breeding and her good feeling are +both in question when she takes this method of showing the superiority +of herself and her position over that of other people. + +There are other eccentricities indulged in by different people who shake +hands when they should not, and people who do not shake hands when they +should. + +It depends upon whom a lady is introduced to, or upon who is introduced +to her, whether she should or should not shake hands. She should not +shake hands on being casually introduced to a person altogether a +stranger to her; but yet there are so many occasions when it is both +proper and correct to shake hands on being introduced, that the rule on +this head is a very elastic one. + +For instance, a host and hostess should shake hands with every stranger +introduced to them at their house. + +A lady should shake hands on being introduced to the relations of her +intended husband. + +A lady should shake hands on being introduced to the friend of an +intimate friend. + +When a lady has entered into conversation to any extent with some one to +whom she has been introduced, and finds she has much in common with her, +she should shake hands on taking leave; but if she has only exchanged a +few commonplace sentences, a bow would be all that is necessary. + +A lady usually takes the initiative with regard to shaking hands as with +bowing; but in reality it is a spontaneous movement, made by both lady +and gentleman at the same moment, as the hand ought not to be extended +or the bow given unless expected and instantaneously reciprocated. + +A young lady should not offer to shake hands with one not expectant of +the honour. + + +=Shaking hands on taking leave is=, with some few people, a graceful and +pleasant fashion of saying good-bye; intimate friends hold the hand +while the last words are being said. Women hold each other's hands thus +on parting, and some few men take each other's hands; but with them it +is rather a foreign fashion, and is principally followed by those who +have lived much on the Continent; for, as a rule, an Englishman prefers +the hearty English shake of the hand. + +A lady having once shaken hands with another, should continue to do so +at subsequent meetings, unless a coolness of manner warns her that a bow +would be more acceptable. + +With regard to shaking hands at a dinner-party with acquaintances: if +the dinner-party is a small one, and there is time to shake hands, it is +correct to do so; but when there is little time before dinner, and no +good opportunity for shaking hands, bows to acquaintances at distant +parts of the room, or when seated at the dinner-table, are sufficient +recognition for the time being. + +At an evening-party it depends upon opportunity whether acquaintances +shake hands or not. + + +=The fashion of raising the arm= when shaking hands is followed by very +few in the exaggerated style in which it was first introduced, but a +modification of it has distinctly become the fashion in general society. + +The hand, instead of being extended straight out, is now offered on a +line or parallel with the chest, a trifle higher than the old-fashioned +style, and the fingers of the hand are held and gently shaken, but the +palm is not grasped or even touched. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVIII + +CHAPERONS AND DEBUTANTES + + +An unmarried lady, unless she be a maiden-lady of a recognised age and +standing, cannot act as an orthodox chaperon; but, on the other hand, a +young married lady could do so with the greatest propriety, as could a +brother from the age of eighteen; of other relatives it is not necessary +to speak. + +Young ladies are now frequently asked to dinner-parties without a +chaperon, a hostess constituting herself chaperon for the occasion. +Dances are also given to which it is understood chaperons are _not_ +invited, the hostess again acting in that capacity, but at large balls +and dances chaperonage is considered indispensable for young ladies. At +theatres and evening concerts chaperonage is distinctly required; but at +morning concerts and _matinees_, companionship rather than chaperonage +is needed. + +As regards morning hours. Young ladies may now walk together in the Park +and elsewhere; ride together, attend classes together or alone, go to +luncheon or afternoon tea alone or together at the houses of friends and +acquaintances, quite unaccompanied by a chaperon. They may also visit at +country houses without a chaperon, the hostess performing this duty. + +At all out-door gatherings, such as garden-parties, tennis-parties, +cricket-matches, golf-meetings, etc., the chaperonage required is of the +slightest, and for which any might be made available. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIX + +PRESENTATIONS AT THE VICEREGAL COURT, DUBLIN CASTLE + + +The Drawing-rooms at Dublin Castle are held by the Lord-Lieutenant of +Ireland and his wife, in St. Patrick's Hall, at 10.15 o'clock p.m. + + +=A Lady who desires= a presentation at the Viceregal Court must be +presented by a lady who has herself been presented thereat, and it is +necessary that she herself should be present on the occasion, save under +exceptional circumstances. A lady is not allowed to present more than +_two_ ladies, except in special cases to be sanctioned by His +Excellency. + + +=A Lady who proposes being presented= at a Viceregal Drawing-room must +send to the Chamberlain's office by five o'clock, three days previous to +the Drawing-room, a card with her name and address both in town and +country, and the name and address of the lady by whom she is to be +presented distinctly written thereon, and stating which Drawing-room she +wishes to attend, to be submitted to the Lord-Lieutenant and his wife +for their Excellencies' approval. Also two Presentation Cards must be +obtained at the Chamberlain's office two days before the +Drawing-room--if they have not previously been sent by post--and must be +filled in with the necessary particulars, and taken to the Castle on the +evening of the Drawing-room, one to be delivered to the official +stationed in the Corridor, and the other to be handed to the +Chamberlain, who will announce the name. It is requested that the names +may be very distinctly written upon the cards, that there may be no +difficulty in announcing them. + + +=A Lady attending= a Viceregal Drawing-room, who has been already +presented at the Viceregal Court, must leave at the Chamberlain's +office, three days previous to the Drawing-room, a card with her name +and address, both in town and country, distinctly written thereon, and +stating which Drawing-room she wishes to attend. She must bring with her +two similar cards on the evening of the Drawing-room, one to be given to +the official in the Corridor, and the other to the Chamberlain, who will +announce the name. + +A lady on entering the Castle on the evening of a Drawing-room towards +ten o'clock, finds the hall lined with soldiers, and repairs at once to +the cloak-room to leave wraps, etc., and to have her train dexterously +arranged over one arm by a female attendant. She then proceeds up the +grand staircase, lined with servants in gorgeous liveries, and enters +the Corridor, where one of the Presentation Cards is given up to the +official in attendance, and she passes down the Corridor into the Long +Drawing-room, where a barrier of wood, enclosing a space, is erected at +the end. One of the gentlemen of the Household lifts this barrier at +intervals to allow of a certain number passing through to the +Throne-room, at the door of which her train is let down and arranged by +men-servants. If she is to be "presented," the Chamberlain tells her to +take off her right-hand glove, and, if royalty is present, informs her +that she must make three bows, and says, "Three bows, please." She gives +up her second Presentation Card to him, and he calls out her name, and +it is passed along to His Excellency by the gentlemen of the household. +The Lord-Lieutenant and his wife stand on a dais, he standing in front +of the Throne, which is a grand chair of State, and on either side--in +what are known as the "Pens"--are grouped the visitors staying at the +Castle, those who have the private _entree_, and the members of the +Household. The name of the lady who makes the presentation is also +called out. The lady presented advances, the Lord-Lieutenant shakes +hands with her, but does not now kiss her on the cheek; she then makes +him a bow, and bows to his wife, who bows in return. She then retires +back to the door leading into the Long Drawing-room, where her train is +replaced over her arm. She then proceeds to St. Patrick's Hall, or to +the Picture Gallery. + + +=Ladies who attend= the Drawing-room only bow to the Lord-Lieutenant and +his wife; he bows to them, but he does not shake hands with them or kiss +them. In Ireland men invariably accompany their wives to the +Drawing-room, having previously attended the Levee; they pass along the +base of the semi-circle, and make their bows at the same time as do the +ladies. + +When all have been received and have assembled in St. Patrick's Hall, a +procession is formed, the Lord-Lieutenant walking first, followed by his +wife, whose train is carried by pages. The visitors staying at the +Castle follow next, and then the members of the Household, the band +stationed in the gallery playing "God Save the King" the while. All +those present form up in two lines to make a passage for the procession +to pass through, and bow low to His Excellency and his wife as they +pass. + +A supper is not given, only light refreshments of every description. +These refreshments are arranged on long tables on one side of St. +Patrick's Hall, and at the lower end, under the gallery, tables are +placed for tea, coffee, wine, etc. On the opposite side of the hall +red-cushioned seats are placed, and the company promenade in and around +the Picture Gallery and St. Patrick's Hall during the remainder of the +evening. + +Ladies wear full Court dress as at Buckingham Palace, and gentlemen +uniform or Court dress. + + +=Levees.=--Every nobleman or gentleman who proposes to attend a Levee, +and who has not yet been received at the Viceregal Court, must be +introduced by a nobleman or gentleman who has himself been previously +presented thereat. + + +=A Gentleman who proposes= to be presented must send to the Gentleman +Usher's office by five o'clock, two or three days before the Levee, a +card with his name and address, both in town and country, and the name +and address of the gentleman by whom he is to be presented distinctly +written thereon, to be submitted for the Lord-Lieutenant's approval. He +must also obtain two Presentation Cards from the Gentleman Usher's +office, and must take them to the Castle on the day of the Levee, the +one to be given to the official in the Corridor, and the other to be +handed to the Gentleman Usher, who will announce the name to the +Lord-Lieutenant. + +Any gentleman who proposes to attend a Levee, having been previously +presented, must also take two cards with him to the Castle on the day of +the Levee, with his name and address, both in town and country, clearly +written thereon, to be given up as before mentioned. Again, a gentleman +who, having previously attended the Levee, proposes attending the +Drawing-room, is requested to bring with him _one_ card, with his name +distinctly written upon it, to be left in the Corridor. All those +entitled to the private _entree_ at Dublin Castle, and availing +themselves of the privilege, are permitted to be accompanied only by +their wives and unmarried daughters. + +Gentlemen wear Court dress or naval and military uniforms, or the +uniforms of Lords-Lieutenants of Counties, or of the Royal Irish +Constabulary, etc. The Academical habit cannot be worn except when +presenting an address from a university. Foreign orders and decorations +cannot be worn at the Court of Dublin by British subjects without +special authority under His Majesty's royal licence. + +The right-hand glove should be removed before Presentation. + +Gentlemen who, having previously attended the Levee, are desirous of +accompanying the ladies of their families to the Drawing-room, are +requested to apply to the Chamberlain's office for an Attendance Card, +which should be brought to the Castle on the evening of the Drawing-room +and given up in the Corridor. + +Presentations in London do not count as Presentations at the Viceregal +Court. + + + + +CHAPTER XL + +HOSTESSES + + +=The Art of receiving Guests= is a very subtle one, difficult to +acquire; but when acquired and thoroughly mastered it confers upon a +mistress of a house an enviable reputation--that of being a perfect +hostess. + +With some this is in-bred, and grace and composure and all the attendant +attributes which are to be found in this type of hostess sit naturally +upon them; but the individuals so gifted represent the few rather than +the many. A far greater section of society has to rely upon experience +to teach them this useful accomplishment, while with others time alone +can aid them in overcoming natural reserve, and want of confidence in +themselves, which stand in the way of their assuming this character with +anything like success. Those ladies who are innately thoughtless and +careless in this respect, neither time nor experience can mould, and +what they are at the commencement of their career, they remain to the +end of the chapter--very indifferent hostesses. There are varieties of +hostesses, according to individual capabilities, and who are known +amongst their friends by these appellations: first ranks the perfect or +"charming hostess," either title suits her equally well; next to her +comes the "good hostess," she is followed by the one who is "not a good +hostess"; and the rear is brought up by the one who is decidedly "a bad +hostess." Amongst the salient points which distinguish the perfect or +charming hostess are perhaps, foremost, a certain facility of putting +each individual guest at ease, conveying that the welcome she accords is +a personal if not an especial one. Simultaneously with these agreeable +impressions is conveyed a sense of the hostess's genial qualities; her +charm of manner, her graciousness and her courteous bearing evincing so +plainly that she is entirely mistress of the situation: these qualities +insensibly react upon the guests, and evoke a corresponding desire to +please on their part. + + +=The perfect hostess= possesses yet another advantage, viz. a readiness +of speech, a faculty of saying the right thing at the right moment and +to the right person, and of identifying herself, so to speak, with the +susceptibilities of each of her guests. + + +=The good hostess= is essentially what is known as a considerate +hostess; she makes up for the brighter qualities in which she is lacking +by her extreme consideration for her guests. In the charming hostess +this consideration is eclipsed by her more brilliant powers of pleasing, +it permeates all she does, while in the good hostess it is her strongest +point, and upon which is founded her claim to the name. The lady who +bears the undesirable reputation of being "not a good hostess" is not +"good" in a variety of ways; she means well and does her utmost to +succeed, but by some contrariety of the laws which regulate domestic and +social affairs, the results of her efforts are always the reverse of +what she would have them be. The lady who is not a good hostess +sometimes suffers from shyness and reserve which renders her stiff in +manner when she would most desire to be cordial, silent when she would +be most loquacious, and awkward when she would be at ease. + +As there are many reasons why ladies prove to be good hostesses, so +there are many reasons why they prove bad hostesses, selfishness and +want of consideration for others contribute to these, as do +procrastination and a vague idea of the value of time. Ladies with such +faults and weaknesses as these produce very much the same impression +upon their guests, although, perhaps, one is a little less culpable than +is the other. + + +=The selfish hostess is a bad hostess=, because, providing she is +amused, she is utterly indifferent as to whether her guests are amused +or not, her own pleasure and gratification being of paramount +importance. Instead of being in readiness to receive her guests she +descends late to the drawing-room to welcome them, and is indifferent as +to whether there is any one to greet them or not. + + +=The procrastinating hostess=, although she is equally in fault, yet, as +she hastens to excuse herself, when lacking in politeness to, or +consideration for her guests, her excuses are sometimes admitted; but +the selfish hostess, if she deigns to excuse herself, does so with such +a palpable show of indifference as to her guests' opinion of her +actions, that the excuse is oftener than not an aggravation of the +offence. A lady who has no regard for time goes to her room to dress at +the moment when she should be descending to the drawing-room; or she +remains out driving when she should be returning; or she puts off making +some very important arrangement for the comfort or amusement of her +guests until it is too late for anything but a makeshift to be thought +of, if it has not to be dispensed with altogether. Everything that she +does or projects is on the same scale of procrastination; her +invitations, her orders and engagements, are one and all effected +against time, and neither herself nor her guests gain the value or +satisfaction of the hospitality put forth. The bad hostess walks into +her drawing-room when many of her guests are assembled, either for a +dinner-party or afternoon tea, and shakes hands in an awkward, abashed +manner, almost as if she were an unexpected guest instead of the +mistress of the house. + +The host is not at his ease; he is provoked at having to make excuses +for his wife, and the guests are equally constrained. + +If the host is of a sarcastic turn of mind, he never refrains from +saying something the reverse of amiable to the hostess on her entrance. +"My dear," he will perhaps remark, "you are doubtless not aware that we +have friends dining with us this evening." This remark renders the +guests even more uncomfortable and the hostess less self-possessed, and +this is often the prelude to an inharmonious evening, with a host whose +brow is clouded and a hostess whose manner is abashed. + + +=The mode of receiving guests= is determined by the nature of the +entertainment. A welcome accorded to some two or three hundred guests +cannot be as personal a one as that offered to some ten to thirty +guests. + +Whatever disappointment a hostess may feel she should not allow it to +appear on the surface, and should not be _distrait_ in manner when +shaking hands with her guests. At large or small gatherings +disappointments follow in the course of events, and very few hostesses +can say that they have not experienced this in a larger or smaller +degree at each and all of their entertainments. + + +=At a ball or evening-party= a hostess should receive her guests at the +head of the staircase, and should remain there until the majority, if +not all, of the guests have arrived. + +As the names of the guests are announced the hostess should shake hands +with each, addressing some courteous observation the while, not with a +view of inducing them to linger on the staircase, but rather of inviting +them to enter the ball-room to make way for other guests. + +At a ball given at a country house the hostess should stand at the door +of the ball-room and receive her guests. When the guests have duly +arrived, a hostess at a country-house ball or country-house theatricals +should exert herself to see that all her guests are amused. If she sees +that the young ladies are not dancing she should endeavour to find them +partners. In town she is not required to do this. If the chaperons have +apparently no one to talk to she should introduce one of her own +relatives, if she cannot give much of her own attention to them, and she +should arrange that all her guests are taken in to supper. + + +=At large afternoon "at homes"= the hostess receives her guests at the +open door of the drawing-room, and has little more time to bestow upon +each than at a ball or an "at home." At small afternoon "at homes" she +should receive them in the drawing-room, and should rise and shake hands +with each arrival. + +A hostess should receive her dinner guests in the drawing-room, and +should shake hands with each in the order of arrival. She occasionally +finds it a trying ordeal to sustain conversation between the arrival of +dinner guests and the dinner being served; sometimes this is prolonged +for three-quarters of an hour through the non-appearance of a guest who +must be waited for. A hostess should, although she knows that her dinner +is spoilt by being thus kept back, endeavour to make the time pass as +pleasantly as possible, by rendering the conversation general and by +making the guests acquainted with each other. The hostess who can tide +over these awkward occurrences so that the postponement of dinner from +half to three-quarters of an hour is hardly perceived, proves herself to +be entitled to be considered a good hostess. + + + + +CHAPTER XLI + +THE RESPONSIBILITIES OF LADY PATRONESSES OF PUBLIC BALLS + + +=Ladies are frequently solicited= to allow their names to be placed on +the lists of lady patronesses of charity balls. A ball committee is +desirous of obtaining a list of influential names to lend _eclat_ and +prestige to the ball, and a charity ball often numbers amongst its lady +patronesses the names of many of the leading members of the nobility, +followed by those of the wives of the leading county gentry, or by the +principal residents of a watering-place or county town; but it is +understood, as a rule, that the duty of giving vouchers or tickets for a +charity ball is undertaken by those ladies who are more directly +interested in it, whose husbands are on the committee, who make a point +of annually attending it, and thus are principally concerned in keeping +it select; and although in many counties and in many towns lady +patronesses, members of the nobility, do attend, yet it not unfrequently +happens that out of a long list of great ladies only three or four are +present at a ball. + +The members of the leading nobility and gentry of a neighbourhood +invariably lend their names to local charity balls, and head the list of +patrons and patronesses, but beyond lending their names, and in some +cases sending a subscription of money towards the funds of the charity, +or a present of game towards the supper, they have very little to do +with the ball itself, which is practically in the hands of the local +stewards. The exceptions to this rule are the charity balls held in town +during the season, such as the Royal Caledonian Ball, the Yorkshire, the +Wiltshire, and the Somersetshire Societies' Balls. On these occasions +many of the great ladies give vouchers and attend the balls. + +When ladies consent to become lady patronesses of a ball, they usually +notify to the committee whether they will or will not undertake the duty +of giving vouchers or tickets, as the case may be. Some ball committees +arrange that vouchers are to be given by lady patronesses, to be +subsequently exchanged for tickets, signed and filled in with the name +of the person to whom the ticket is given. The lady patronesses in this +case receive the money charged for the tickets, and forward it to the +committee after the ball, with any tickets that they may not have +disposed of. + +The ladies who exert themselves to sell tickets are generally those who +possess a large acquaintance, whose husbands are members of clubs; +therefore, if any person ought to be tabooed for some good social +reason, the lady patronesses reap the benefit of their husbands' +knowledge, and are thus able to give a polite refusal when tickets are +applied for for persons who are not altogether desirable. + +It is no doubt a difficult and delicate task for the lady patronesses of +a large ball to keep it thoroughly select, and if not very particular +respecting those for whom tickets are granted, a ball, though a full +one, is likely to prove a very mixed affair, if not somewhat +objectionable, by reason of the presence of persons to whom tickets +should never have been granted, on moral if not on social grounds; and +though the funds of a charity may gain considerably by the increase of +numbers, through a general willingness on the part of the committee or +the lady patronesses to grant tickets to every one who may apply for +them, yet such policy is very short-sighted, and is seldom practised by +those who possess any practical knowledge in the matter, as it is fatal +to the reputation of a ball if persons who are objectionable are present +at it. + +In the case of a ticket being applied for for a person of doubtful +antecedents, a lady patroness's best course is to refer the applicant to +the ball committee for tickets or vouchers. + + +=Persons not well received in society=, or who have ostracised +themselves, have a predilection for public balls, and make every effort +to obtain tickets of admission; and in some cases, when a refusal has +been pronounced by the committee of a ball, the committee has been +threatened with legal proceedings. + +Unmarried ladies seldom or ever act as lady patronesses, it not being +considered advisable to place the discretion of granting tickets in +their hands, lest their ignorance of the world should be taken advantage +of. + + +=The lady patronesses of a charity ball= who undertake to give vouchers +or to sell tickets, usually exert themselves to the utmost in inducing +as many of their friends as possible to attend the ball. + +It depends upon the committee of a charity ball whether tickets are +presented or not to the lady patronesses and stewards; but if the funds +of the charity are not at a very low ebb, this is generally done in +recognition of their services. + +The responsibilities of lady patronesses of private subscription balls +are light in comparison with those of public charity balls, as persons +who attend subscription balls are usually on the visiting lists of one +or other of the lady patronesses, while with regard to county balls, +lady patronesses are not usually concerned in the disposal of the +tickets. + + + + +CHAPTER XLII + +PERIODS OF MOURNING + + +=The Various Periods of Mourning= for relatives have within the last few +years been materially shortened, and the change generally accepted; but +as some still prefer to adhere to the longest periods prescribed by +custom, in the present chapter both periods are given, and it entirely +depends upon individual feeling and circumstances which of the two +periods is observed. + +The time-honoured custom of wearing crape has greatly declined, and with +the exception of widows, many do not wear it at all, while others wear +it as a trimming only. + +A slighter change has also taken place in favour of half-mourning +colours, which are now more worn than black and white during the +half-mourning period. + + +=Court Mourning= when enjoined is imperative, the orders respecting +which are minutely given from the Lord Chamberlain's office and +published in the official _Gazette_; but these orders only apply to +persons connected with the Court, or to persons attending Courts, +Levees, State Balls, State Concerts, etc. + +When the order for general mourning is given on the death of any member +of the Royal Family, the order applies to all, although it is optional +whether the general public comply with it or not. + + +=The Longest Period for a Widow's Mourning= is two years. The shorter +period is eighteen months. Formerly crape was worn for one year and +nine months; for the first twelve months the dress was entirely covered +with crape. The newer fashion in widows' mourning is to wear crape as a +trimming only, and to discontinue its wear after six or eight months, +while some few widows do not wear it at all during their mourning, it +being optional wear. + + +=Half-Mourning= in the longer period commences after a year and nine +months, and is worn for three months. In the shorter period +half-mourning may commence after fifteen months, and be continued for +three months. + +The period for wearing the widow's cap and veil is a year and a day. The +veil may be _crepe lisse_ or _chiffon_ in place of crape. It is now the +fashion for young widows to wear the cap as a head-dress only, while +others do not wear it at all. + +Lawn cuffs and collars are worn during the first year, or for six months +only, or not at all. After the first year white neckbands and white +strings to the bonnet may be worn. Also hats in place of bonnets. +Further touches of white may follow during the next three months. + +After a year gold ornaments may be worn; diamonds earlier. + + +=Widowers= should wear mourning for one year; they usually enter society +after three months. + + +=For a Parent= the period of mourning is twelve months; ten months +black, two months half-mourning, or eight months black and four months +half-mourning. The black may be relieved with touches of white after +three months. Crape is optional; many prefer not to wear it at all, +others as a trimming. + +Diamonds--earrings, brooches; etc.--before gold, at the end of three +months. + + +=For a Son or Daughter= the period of mourning is identical with the +foregoing. + + +=For very Young Children or Infants= the mourning is frequently +shortened by half this period, or even to three months. + + +=For a Stepmother.=--The period of mourning depends upon whether the +stepdaughters reside at home or not, or whether their father has been +long married, or whether their father's second wife has filled the place +of mother to them, in which case the period of mourning would be for +twelve months, otherwise the period is six months--four months black +relieved with touches of white after two months, followed by two months +half-mourning. + + +=For a Brother or Sister= the longest period of mourning is six months, +the shortest period four months. + +During the longest period, viz. six months, black should be worn for +five months, with a little white after two months, half-mourning for one +month. After one month diamonds, pins, and brooches, etc.; gold after +two months. + +During the shortest period, viz. four months, black should be worn for +two months, half-mourning two months. + + +=For a Sister-in-law or a Brother-in-law= the period of mourning was +formerly the same as for a brother or sister, but the four months' +period is now the one usually chosen. + + +=For a Grandparent= the longest period of mourning is six months, the +shortest four months. + +During the longest period black should be worn for three months, +relieved with white after six weeks, half-mourning for three months; +diamonds after one month, gold after six weeks or two months. + +During the shortest period black should be worn for two months, +half-mourning for two months. + +The custom of wearing crape may now be said to have gone out of fashion +as regards etiquette, black being considered adequate mourning, save in +the case of widows. + +The former crape periods were six months for parents and children, three +months for brothers and sisters, three months for grandparents. + + +=For an Uncle or Aunt= the longest period of mourning is three months, +the shortest period six weeks. + +During the longest period black (no crape) should be worn for two +months, half-mourning one month. + +During the shortest period black for three weeks, half-mourning for +three weeks; diamonds after three weeks. + + +=For a Nephew or Niece= the periods of mourning are identical with the +foregoing. + + +=For an Uncle or Aunt by Marriage= the period is six weeks black, or +three weeks black and three weeks half-mourning. + + +=For a Great Uncle or Aunt= the longest period is two months, the +shortest one month. + +During the longest period black for one month, half-mourning for one +month. + +During the shortest period black for one month. + + +=For a First Cousin= the longest period is six weeks, the shortest one +month. + +During the longest period black for three weeks, half-mourning for three +weeks. + +During the shortest period black for one month. + + +=For a Second Cousin= three weeks black. Mourning for a second cousin is +not obligatory, but quite optional, and often not worn. + + +=For a Husband's Relations= the periods of mourning chosen are +invariably the shorter ones. + + +=For a Daughter-in-law or Son-in-law= the periods are now shortened to +six months; four months black and two months half-mourning, or three +months black and three months half-mourning. + + +=For the Parents of a Son-in-law or Daughter-in-law= the period is one +month, black. + + +=For the Parents of a First Wife= a second wife should wear mourning for +one month, black relieved with white. + + +=For a Brother or Sister of a First Wife= a second wife should wear +mourning for three weeks, but this is not obligatory, and depends upon +the intimacy existing between the two families. + + +=Much Latitude is allowed to Men= with regard to the foregoing periods +of mourning. + + +=A Hat-band should be worn= during the whole of each period, but it is +not imperative to wear suits of black longer than half the periods +given, save in the case of widowers. + + +=Servants' Mourning.=--It is customary to give servants mourning on the +death of the head of the house, which should be worn during the period +the members of the family are in mourning. Mourning given to servants +on the death of a son or daughter is quite an optional matter. + + +=Seclusion from Society.=--The question as to how soon persons in +mourning should or should not re-enter society is in some measure an +open one, and is also influenced by the rules that govern the actual +period of mourning adopted. + + +=A Widow is not expected to enter into Society= under three months, and +during that time she should neither accept invitations nor issue them. +Her visiting should be confined to her relations and intimate friends. +After three months she should commence gradually to enter into society, +but balls and dances should be avoided during the first year. + + +=For a Daughter mourning for a Parent= the period of seclusion is six +weeks as far as general society is concerned; but invitations to balls +and dances should not be accepted until after six months. + + +=For a Parent mourning for a Son or Daughter= the period of seclusion is +the same as is that of a daughter for a parent. + + +=For a Brother or Sister= the period of seclusion is three weeks. + + +=For Grandparents= the period of seclusion is from a fortnight to three +weeks. + + +=For an Uncle or Aunt= the period is a fortnight to three weeks. + + +=For all Other Periods of Mourning= seclusion from society is not +considered requisite. + + +=When Persons in Mourning= intend entering again into society, they +should leave cards on their friends and acquaintances as an intimation +that they are equal to paying and receiving calls. + + +=When Cards of Inquiry have been left=, viz. visiting cards with "To +inquire after Mrs. A----" written on the top on right-hand corner of the +cards, they should be returned by cards with "Thanks for kind inquiries" +written upon them (see Chapter III.). + +Until this intimation has been given, society does not venture to +intrude upon the seclusion of those in mourning. + +Relations and intimate friends are exempt from this received rule. + + +=Funerals.=--When a death occurs in a family, as soon as the day and +hour for the funeral are fixed, a member of the family should write to +those relatives and friends it is desired should follow, and should ask +them to attend, unless the date, time, and place of the funeral, and the +train by which to travel to the cemetery, are mentioned in the +newspaper, together with the announcement of the death. + + +=It is a Mistake to suppose that Friends= will offer to attend a +funeral, even if they are aware of the date fixed, as they are naturally +in doubt as to whether the mourners are to include the members of the +family only, or whether friends are to be included also. + + +=In the Country, when a Doctor= has attended a family for some years, it +is usual to invite him to attend the funeral of one of its members. In +town this is seldom done, unless a medical man is the intimate friend of +the family. + +In the country the clergyman of the parish reads the funeral service, +but in town, when the funeral takes place at Kensal Green, Brookwood +Cemetery, or elsewhere, a friend of the family is usually asked to +officiate; in which case it is necessary to make an early application at +the office of the cemetery for the use of the chapel at a particular +hour. + + +=It is customary for Ladies to attend= the funeral of a relative if +disposed to do so, in which case they wear their usual mourning attire, +and follow in their own carriages. + + +=The Doctor's Certificate= as to the cause of death is of primary +importance, and should be obtained at the earliest possible moment. + + +=Memorial Cards should not be sent= on the death of a relative, being +quite out of date as regards fashion and custom. + + +=Wreaths and Crosses= of white flowers are very generally sent by +relatives and friends to a house of mourning the day of the funeral, +unless "No flowers, by request" follows the announcement of the death. + +When the funeral takes place before two o'clock, the friends should be +invited to luncheon. When it takes place in the afternoon, they should +be asked to return to the house for tea or light refreshment. + + + + +CHAPTER XLIII + +ENGAGED + + +It greatly depends upon the views held by parents as to the freedom of +action accorded to a daughter during her engagement. Some entertain the +strictest ideas on this head, and strenuously put them in force. + +By "strict ideas" is meant that an engaged couple, except in the +presence of a chaperon, are never, under any circumstances, permitted to +enjoy a _tete-a-tete_, sit together, walk together, ride together, or +meet during any part of the day. + +Wisdom and common-sense dictate a middle course of action for the +consideration of parents, neither granting too much nor withholding too +much. + + +=The length of an engagement= determines in most instances the degree of +latitude allowed. If it is to last two months, or even less, it is usual +to permit the engaged couple to be much in each other's society. The +circumstances under which this is accomplished depend upon the position +of the parents; if wealthy, and a country house is part of their +possessions, the young lady's father should invite the gentleman engaged +to his daughter on a visit, or one or two visits, during the engagement. + +Or the mother of the bridegroom-elect should invite her future +daughter-in-law to stay with her for ten days or a fortnight. + +Etiquette prescribes that a young lady must be chaperoned by one of her +near relatives at all public places of amusement. + +If an engaged couple move in the same set, they meet frequently at the +houses of mutual friends; they are sent in to dinner together when +dining out. + +To dance with each other at a ball, or dance more than three or four +times in succession, and when not dancing to sit out in tea-rooms and +conservatories, renders an engaged couple conspicuous, and this is +precisely what many mothers are most anxious that their daughters should +avoid being, and would rather that they were over-prudent than that they +should run the gauntlet of general criticism. + + +=The usual course for engaged couples= to take is to go as little into +society as possible during their engagement, and to make the engagement +as brief as circumstances will permit. If from various causes it must of +necessity be a long one, the only alternative for an engaged couple is +to render themselves as little conspicuous in general society as a +mutual understanding will permit. + + +=When an engagement is first announced=, if the families are not +previously acquainted, the father, mother, and relatives of the +bridegroom-elect should call on the father and mother of the bride-elect +at an early date, to make the acquaintance of the bride and her family, +and they should write to the bride-elect expressing their approval of +the engagement. + +The calls should be returned and the letters answered with the least +possible delay. + +The engagement should be announced to relatives and intimate friends by +the mother of the engaged young lady, and if the announcement is to +appear in the papers it should be sent by her. + +The bride should ask the sisters and cousins of the bridegroom to act as +bridesmaids in conjunction with her own sisters and cousins. + +When an engagement is broken off, all letters and presents should be +returned on both sides. + +All wedding presents received by the bride-elect should be likewise +returned to the donors. + +The mother of the bride should announce to all whom it may concern, the +fact that the engagement is at an end. + + + + +CHAPTER XLIV + +SILVER WEDDINGS + + +The German custom of celebrating Silver Weddings has become thoroughly +recognised in this country. It is an interesting custom to celebrate the +first twenty-five years of married life under the poetic title of a +Silver Wedding, but those who can do so must be for many reasons the +few, rather than the many; Royal personages, and distinguished and +prominent ones for instance, and again, those in humbler walks of life +"far from the madding crowd," are also inclined to do so; but the +"crowd" that divides them, formed of different classes and different +sets in society, will hardly avail itself of the opportunity of +celebrating this period of married life. Husbands as a rule dislike the +fuss and parade and prominency it entails, and wives are disinclined to +announce to their friends and acquaintances that they have been married +five and twenty years, and are consequently not so young as they were. + + +=The entertainments given to celebrate a Silver Wedding= are: An +afternoon reception and a dinner-party. A dinner-party followed by an +evening-party. A dinner-party followed by a dance. Or a dinner-party +only, of some twenty or thirty covers. + +The invitations are issued on "at home" cards some three weeks +beforehand, the cards being printed in silver, and the words "Mr. and +Mrs. White at home, To celebrate their Silver Wedding" printed on them, +with day and date, etc. The dinner cards should also be printed in +silver, with the words "Mr. and Mrs. White request the pleasure of Mr. +and Mrs. Black's company at dinner to celebrate their Silver Wedding," +etc. + +For a dance the invitations should be worded "Mr. and Mrs. White at +home, To celebrate their Silver Wedding." "Dancing" printed in the +corner of the card. + + +=Each person invited= is expected to send a present in silver, costly or +trifling as the case may be, whether the invitation is accepted or not. +These presents should be exhibited in the drawing-room on the day of the +Silver Wedding with a card attached to each bearing the name of the +giver. + +At the afternoon reception the husband and wife receive the +congratulations of their friends as they arrive. They enter the tea-room +together almost immediately afterwards followed by those guests who have +arrived. Refreshments are served as at an afternoon wedding tea. (See +page 143.) A large wedding-cake is placed in the centre of the table, +and the wife makes the first cut in it as a bride would do. The health +of the husband and wife is then proposed by one of the guests, drunk in +champagne, and responded to by the husband. + +At the dinner-party the husband and wife go in to dinner together, +followed by their guests, who are sent in according to precedency. The +health of the husband and wife is proposed at dessert and responded to. +A wedding-cake occupies a prominent place on the table, and the +dinner-table decorations consist of white flowers interspersed with +silver. + + +=At the Silver Wedding dance=, the husband and wife dance the first +dance together, and subsequently lead the way into the supper-room +arm-in-arm, and later on their health is proposed by the principal guest +present. + +The wife should wear white and silver, or grey and silver. + +In the country, when a Silver Wedding is celebrated, the festivities +sometimes range over three days, but this only in the case of prominent +and wealthy people; balls, dinners, and school-treats being given, in +which the neighbours, tenants, villagers and servants take part. + + +=Golden Weddings.=--The celebration of a Golden Wedding is rather an +English custom, and one that from circumstances can be but seldom +observed. It denotes that fifty years of married life have passed over +the heads of husband and wife, and is a solemn rather than a festive +epoch. Presents on this occasion are not so generally given, and +children and grandchildren rather than acquaintances make up the circle +of those who offer congratulations. + + + + +CHAPTER XLV + +SUBSCRIPTION DANCES + + +=Subscription= dances are now an established fact, but whether they will +ever really become a rival to the dance proper remains to be seen; yet +as they supply a want felt, and are recognised by society, the +arrangements necessary for carrying them out should be duly noted. + +During the winter months they are a feature in certain sets: +Subscription dances, private Subscription dances and public Subscription +dances, the latter got up for charitable purposes. + +The moderate expenses incurred by giving private Subscription dances +commend them to many, and there are other reasons to account for their +popularity. They are without pretension to being considered smart or +exclusive, and are essentially small and early dances. Fashionable +ball-goers are not expected to attend them. They commence at 9 o'clock +and terminate at 12, light refreshments in lieu of supper are provided, +as at an afternoon "at home." (See p. 153.) A piano band is considered +sufficient for the purpose, and floral decorations are scarcely ever +attempted. The invitations are issued on "at home" cards, with the words +"Subscription Dance" printed in one corner. + + +=Subscription= dances are sometimes invitation dances and sometimes not. +Tickets for these dances are charged for singly or by the series as the +case may be. A certain number of ladies form a committee and agree to +give a certain number of dances, and the expenses are either borne by +the ladies themselves or covered by the sale of the tickets. If +invitation dances, a certain number of invitations are allotted to each +lady. When otherwise, the ladies dispose of the tickets among their +friends. These dances are usually held in a mansion hired for the +purpose, and there are several available in different parts of the West +End, where spacious rooms can be hired on very moderate terms; in some +instances a piano, seats, and other accessories are also included. + + +=Public Subscription= dances are held in public rooms or Town Halls, and +vouchers are given by ladies on the committee previous to tickets being +granted. + +The same etiquette holds good at Subscription dances as at other public +dances. The early hour at which these dances take place recommends them +to some and altogether renders them impossible to others, notably to +those who dine late, and who are not inclined to dance at nine o'clock +or even at ten o'clock, and who rather resent the frugal style of +refreshments offered, and consider that a champagne supper is an +indispensable adjunct to a dance. + +It should be remembered that Subscription dances were first originated +for the amusement of very young people, and it was never expected that +they would compete with the fashionable small dances of the day; their +popularity was a surprise, and if ball-goers are disposed to hold them +in contempt there are others less fashionable and less wealthy who find +them very much to their taste. + +The great difficulty, however, that ladies have to contend with is the +fact that very few men can be induced to attend them, and that those who +do accept invitations or purchase tickets are very young men, who have +their way to make in the world, and are as yet on the lower rungs of +the ladder, and as young ladies are very much in the majority at these +Subscription dances, to dance with partners younger than themselves is +an almost inevitable result for those who are no longer in their teens. + + + + +CHAPTER XLVI + +GIVING PRESENTS + + +As regards presents in general it should be understood that a present +demands a note of thanks in all cases when the thanks cannot be verbally +expressed. The notes to slight acquaintances should be written in the +third person. To friends, in the first person. This applies equally to +presents of game, poultry, fruit, or flowers. Some few people entertain +the erroneous idea that presents of this nature do not require thanks. +This is not only ungracious but raises a doubt in the mind of the giver +as to whether the present sent has been duly received. + + +=Wedding Presents.=--When an engagement has been duly announced to +relatives and friends, and it is understood that it is to be a short +one, wedding presents may be sent until the day before the wedding-day, +and the earlier they are sent the more convenient it is for the bride, +as she is expected to write a note of thanks to each giver. In each case +a letter should be sent with the present expressing the congratulations +and best wishes of the donor, and, if possible, a card with the name of +the giver should be attached to it for identification when the presents +are exhibited. + +The friends of the bridegroom, and unacquainted with the bride, should +send their presents to him, and he should send them to the house of the +bride's mother after having written notes of thanks to the givers. + + +=Christening Presents.=--With regard to christening presents the +godfathers and godmothers are expected to make presents to their +godchild; these should be sent the day before the christening, and +should consist of a silver mug and silver fork and spoon from the +godfathers, while a lace robe or handsome cloak are usual presents from +the godmothers. A present of money from 5_s._ to L1 should be made to +the nurse on the day of the christening when the godparents are +relatives, but oftener than not the sponsors are represented by proxy. + + +=Giving Tips to Servants.=--The tips expected from ladies at the +conclusion of a visit of some days, are: To the head housemaid from +2_s._ 6_d._ to 5_s._ according to the length of the visit. The same to +the butler or single-handed man-servant, and the same to the chauffeur. +Young ladies give less when visiting by themselves. + +The tips expected from gentlemen are: To the butler or footman who +valets them, to the chauffeur if he drives them to and from the station, +to the groom if he takes charge of their hunters, also to the head +housemaid. The tip to the butler or footman who acts as valet is for a +long visit from 5_s._ to 10_s._, and for a short visit from 3_s._ to +5_s._ To the chauffeur 5_s._ in the first case, and from 2_s._ 6_d._ to +5_s._ in the second. To the housemaid, 2_s._ 6_d._ to 5_s._ For tips to +gamekeeper, see p. 223. + +The tips given to hotel servants vary according to the length of the +visit. To the head waiter from 5_s._ to 10_s._ To the second waiter from +2_s._ 6_d._ to 5_s._ To the hall porter, 2_s._ to 3_s._ To the luggage +porter, 1_s._ to 2_s._ To the head housemaid in attendance, 2_s._ 6_d._ +to 4_s._ + + + + +CHAPTER XLVII + +CHRISTENING PARTIES + + +=Christening Parties= may be said to be strictly family gatherings, only +the near relatives of the parents being invited on these occasions. + + +=The Invitations= are given in friendly notes, and are not issued on "at +home" cards. The notice averages from a week to ten days according to +circumstances, meaning the health and strength of the infant's mother. + + +=As a Rule Six Weeks= are allowed to elapse between the birth of the +child and the date of the christening. + + +=The Relatives are either invited= to luncheon after the ceremony, or to +a reception tea, or to a dinner-party to be given the same evening. If a +luncheon is decided upon it generally takes place at 1.30, or earlier, +immediately on the return from the church. The meal usually consists of +hot viands--game or poultry--not substantial joints. Hot and cold +sweets. Fruit to follow. A smart christening cake should occupy the +centre of the table. Champagne, claret, and sherry are given, although +the former is probably the only one of the three drunk on the occasion; +this, when the health of the infant is proposed--the only health which +finds acceptance at these gatherings. + + +=The Guests go in to Luncheon= quite informally, the ladies and hostess +entering first, followed by the men guests and the host. They should be +seated at table by the help of name cards, each lady being placed at the +right hand of a gentleman. The clergyman who performs the ceremony, if a +friend, should sit at the hostess's left hand, and should be asked to +say grace; but in town he seldom joins these family gatherings unless +well acquainted with his parishioners. + + +=A Reception Tea=, when given, is served in the dining-room; but in this +case the guests are received on arrival by the hostess in the +drawing-room, and when all have arrived, she accompanies them to the +tea-room and remains there with them. The maid-servants should pour out +and hand the tea and coffee across the tea-table, but the hostess should +hand the cakes, etc., to her relatives, assisted by the host, if +present. The refreshments consist of the usual variety in confectionery +seen at all smart "at homes," a christening cake being the addition. + + +=Christening Dinner-Parties= closely resemble all other family functions +of this nature, with the exception that the infant's health is drunk at +dessert, and that a christening cake is placed opposite the hostess when +the table is cleared for dessert. + + +=The Christening Ceremony= takes place in the afternoon, usually at +2.30. The relatives on arrival at the church seat themselves in pews or +on chairs near to the font. The godmother holds the infant during the +first part of the service, and then places it on the left arm of the +officiating clergyman. One of the godfathers should name the child in +response to the clergyman's question. If the child is a girl, two +godmothers and one godfather are necessary. If a boy, two godfathers and +one godmother are required. These godparents are usually the intimate +friends of the child's mother. In certain instances the relatives are +chosen for the office of godfather and godmother, but oftener not for +family reasons. + + +=Christening Presents= vary according to means and inclination, and +often comprise gifts of jewellery when the infant is a girl, and money +and silver plate if a boy; silver spoons, forks, mugs, bowls, etc. The +selection is a wide one, and nothing comes amiss, from a robe with fine +lace to a chain and pendant or a jewelled watch. These presents are +usually sent the day previous to that of the christening. + + +=Fees and Tips.=--Only minor fees are given to those assisting at the +ceremony. The officiating priest receives some little gift in old silver +or china, but not of money; if, however, the parents of the child are +wealthy a cheque is sometimes given with a request that he will devote +it to the needs of his parish. + +Tips to the nurse from the child's godparents vary from five shillings +to a sovereign according to individual means. + + + + +INDEX + + + Afternoon "at homes," 151 + + Afternoon dances, 157 + + Afternoon tea, 42 + + Afternoon weddings, 128 + + Amusements at children's parties, 192; + at country-house parties, 215; + at garden-parties, 169 + + "At home" days, 159; + "at homes," 151, 238 + + + Bachelors' Balls, 87 + + Balls, 87; + patronesses of, 239 + + Best man, duties of, 131 + + Bowing, 206 + + Breakfasts, 183 + + Bridal wreath, 141 + + Bride, 131, 133, 140 + + Bridegroom's relatives, 133 + + Bridegroom's responsibilities, 130, 141, 146, 149 + + Bridesmaids, 132; + presents to, 147 + + Bride's relatives, 132 + + Bridge parties, 125, 158; + refreshments at, 126; + teas, 158 + + + Calls, paying, 32; + after entertainments, 113 + + Canoe parties, 189 + + Cards, gentlemen's, 27; + ladies, 19; + memorial, 31; + "P.P.C.," 26 + + Cards, leaving, 19; + after entertainments, 24, 28; + on new-comers, 25; + returning, 23; + routine of leaving, 21, 28; + "to inquire," 26 + + Chaperons, 228 + + Charity Balls, 93 + + Christening luncheons and teas, 262; + parties, 261; + presents, 260, 263 + + Clergy, how to address, 59 + + Cockades, 209 + + Colonial etiquette, 161 + + County Balls, 93 + + Country dinner-parties, 114 + + Country-house visits, 211 + + Court, attending, 73; + presentation at, 73 + + Court dress for gentlemen, 85; + for ladies, 80 + + Cricket-matches, 168 + + + Dances, invitation, 256; + public, 257 + + Debutantes, 228 + + _Diner a la Russe_, 106 + + Dining out, 100 + + Dinner guests, 101 + + Dinner invitations, 99 + + Dinner-table decorations, 107; + etiquette, 108, 116 + + Drawing-room, retiring to, 111 + + Drawing-rooms at Viceregal Court, Dublin, 229 + + Driving, 203 + + + Engagements, 250; + etiquette of, 251; + presents, 147 + + _Entree_ at Court, 77 + + Etiquette, 1; + at balls, 91; + at dinner-table, 80, 116; + colonial, 161; + Indian, 164; + in regard to royalty, 61; + of visiting at bachelors' houses, 217; + when travelling abroad, 65 + + Evening parties, 122; + garden-parties, 174 + + + Foreigners of rank, how to address, 57 + + Funerals, 248 + + Funeral wreaths, 249 + + + Gamekeepers, tips to, 223 + + Game licence, 224 + + Garden-parties, 166; + in the evening, 174; + in town, 171 + + Giving presents, 259 + + Going in to luncheon, 180; + to supper, 123, 126 + + Golden weddings, 255 + + Gratuities to servants, 97, 113, 156, 223, 260, 263 + + + Honeymoon, 141 + + Hostesses, 234 + + Hunt Balls, 87, 95 + + Hunt breakfasts, 221 + + Hunting, 219 + + + Indian etiquette, 164 + + Introductions, 6; + correct formula for, 8; + at afternoon calls, 17; + at country-house parties, 11; + at dinner-parties, 9; + at evening parties, 123; + at Public Balls, 12, 90 + + Invitations, 96, 122, 125, 152, 167, 177, 194 + + + Juvenile parties, 190 + + + Ladies in the hunting-field, 219 + + Levee dress, 85 + + Levees, 82; + at Viceregal Court, Dublin, 232; + presentations at, 84; + who may attend, 83 + + Licences, marriage, 128 + + Luncheons, 176 + + + Marriage by banns, 128; + by licence, 128, 148; + fees, 129, 148 + + Memorial cards, 249 + + Menus, 106, 139 + + Military Balls, 87, 95 + + Mourning, 242; + Court, 242 + + + "Not at home," 41 + + + Officers, how to address, 59 + + Opening a ball, 90 + + + Patronesses of Public Balls, 239 + + Pheasant shooting, 222 + + Picnics, 186 + + Plumes in Court dress, 81 + + Politeness, graces of, 4 + + Precedency amongst royalty, 44, 50; + at ball suppers, 91; + at dinner-parties, 49, 105; + of ambassadors and diplomats, 45; + of army and navy, 45; + of baronets and knights, 45, 51; + of bishops, 51; + of clergy, 45, 48; + of esquires, 48; + of ladies, 52; + of legal profession, 45, 48; + of peers, 50; + of widows, 46 + + Presentation at Court, 73; + at foreign Courts, 65; + at levees, 82; + at Viceregal Court, Dublin, 229 + + Presents, christening, 260; + giving, 259; + wedding, 130, 141, 259 + + Public Balls, 87 + + + Receiving guests, 101, 123, 154, 234 + + Refreshments for "at homes," 153; + at bridge parties, 126; + at children's parties, 194 + + Refusing invitations, 200 + + Responsibilities of patronesses, 239 + + Riding, 204 + + Royal guests present, 90, 123 + + Royalty, how to address, 53 + + + Saying grace, 114 + + Sending in to dinner, 103 + + Shaking hands, 225 + + Shooting, 219 + + Signing the register, 134 + + Silver weddings, 253 + + State Balls, 97 + + State mourning, 97 + + Subscription dances, 256 + + Supper, going in to, 123 + + Surnames of peculiar pronunciation, 69 + + + Tea for afternoon callers, 42 + + Titles, how to use in speaking, 53 + + Town garden-parties, 171 + + Trousseau, 141 + + + Undesired introductions, 6 + + + Walking, 202 + + Water parties, 188 + + Wedding cake, 137, 142; + cards, 142; + etiquette, 129; + expenses, 146; + favours, 134; + fees, 129, 148; + golden, 255; + invitations, 129; + luncheon, 137; + of widow, 134; + presents, 130, 141, 259; + receptions, 136, 143; + ring, 130; + service, 131; + silver, 253 + + Widow's wedding, 134 + + Writing invitations, 195 + + +THE END + + + + + PRINTED BY + WILLIAM CLOWES AND SONS, LIMITED, + LONDON AND BECCLES. + + + + + + +End of Project Gutenberg's Manners and Rules of Good Society, by Anonymous + +*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK MANNERS AND RULES OF GOOD SOCIETY *** + +***** This file should be named 39040.txt or 39040.zip ***** +This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: + https://www.gutenberg.org/3/9/0/4/39040/ + +Produced by Delphine Lettau, Stephen Blundell and the +Online Distributed Proofreading Team at https://www.pgdp.net + + +Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions +will be renamed. + +Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no +one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation +(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without +permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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