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+The Project Gutenberg EBook of The Confessions of J. J. Rousseau, Book V.
+by Jean Jacques Rousseau
+
+This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
+almost no restrictions whatsoever.  You may copy it, give it away or
+re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
+with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org
+
+
+Title: The Confessions of J. J. Rousseau, Book V.
+
+Author: Jean Jacques Rousseau
+
+Release Date: December 6, 2004 [EBook #3905]
+
+Language: English
+
+Character set encoding: ASCII
+
+*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ROUSSEAU ***
+
+
+
+
+Produced by David Widger
+
+
+
+
+
+THE CONFESSIONS OF JEAN JACQUES ROUSSEAU
+(In 12 books)
+
+Privately Printed for the Members of the Aldus Society
+
+London, 1903
+
+
+
+BOOK V.
+
+
+It was, I believe, in 1732, that I arrived at Chambery, as already
+related, and began my employment of registering land for the king.  I was
+almost twenty-one, my mind well enough formed for my age, with respect to
+sense, but very deficient in point of judgment, and needing every
+instruction from those into whose hands I fell, to make me conduct myself
+with propriety; for a few years' experience had not been able to cure me
+radically of my romantic ideas; and notwithstanding the ills I had
+sustained, I knew as little of the world, or mankind, as if I had never
+purchased instruction.  I slept at home, that is, at the house of Madam
+de Warrens; but it was not as at Annecy: here were no gardens, no brook,
+no landscape; the house was dark and dismal, and my apartment the most
+gloomy of the whole.  The prospect a dead wall, an alley instead of a
+street, confined air, bad light, small rooms, iron bars, rats, and a
+rotten floor; an assemblage of circumstances that do not constitute a
+very agreeable habitation; but I was in the same house with my best
+friend, incessantly near her, at my desk, or in chamber, so that I could
+not perceive the gloominess of my own, or have time to think of it.
+It may appear whimsical that she should reside at Chambery on purpose to
+live in this disagreeable house; but it was a trait of contrivance which
+I ought not to pass over in silence.  She had no great inclination for a
+journey to Turin, fearing that after the recent revolutions, and the
+agitation in which the court yet was, she should not be very favorably
+received there; but her affairs seemed to demand her presence, as she
+feared being forgotten or ill-treated, particularly as the Count de
+Saint-Laurent, Intendent-general of the Finances, was not in her
+interest.  He had an old house in Chambery, ill-built, and standing in so
+disagreeable a situation that it was always untenanted; she hired, and
+settled in this house, a plan that succeeded much better than a journey
+to Turin would have done, for her pension was not suppressed, and the
+Count de Saint-Laurent was ever after one of her best friends.
+
+Her household was much on the old footing; her faithful Claude Anet still
+remained with her.  He was, as I have before mentioned, a peasant of
+Moutru, who in his childhood had gathered herbs in Jura for the purpose
+of making Swiss tea; she had taken him into her service for his knowledge
+of drugs, finding it convenient to have a herbalist among her domestics.
+Passionately fond of the study of plants, he became a real botanist, and
+had he not died young, might have acquired as much fame in that science
+as he deserved for being an honest man.  Serious even to gravity, and
+older than myself, he was to me a kind of tutor, commanding respect, and
+preserving me from a number of follies, for I dared not forget myself
+before him.  He commanded it likewise from his mistress, who knew his
+understanding, uprightness, and inviolable attachment to herself, and
+returned it.  Claude Anet was of an uncommon temper.  I never encountered
+a similar disposition: he was slow, deliberate, and circumspect in his
+conduct; cold in his manner; laconic and sententious in his discourse;
+yet of an impetuosity in his passions, which (though careful to conceal)
+preyed upon him inwardly, and urged him to the only folly he ever
+committed; that folly, indeed was terrible, it was poisoning himself.
+This tragic scene passed soon after my arrival, and opened my eyes to the
+intimacy that subsisted between Claude Anet and his mistress, for had not
+the information come from her, I should never have suspected it; yet,
+surely, if attachment, fidelity, and zeal, could merit such a recompense,
+it was due to him, and what further proves him worthy such a distinction,
+he never once abused her confidence.  They seldom disputed, and their
+disagreements ever ended amicably; one, indeed, was not so fortunate;
+his mistress, in a passion, said something affronting, which not being
+able to digest, he consulted only with despair, and finding a bottle of
+laudanum at hand, drank it off; then went peaceably to bed, expecting to
+awake no more.  Madam de Warrens herself was uneasy, agitated, wandering
+about the house and happily--finding the phial empty--guessed the rest.
+Her screams, while flying to his assistance, alarmed me; she confessed
+all, implored my help, and was fortunate enough, after repeated efforts,
+to make him throw up the laudanum.  Witness of this scene, I could not
+but wonder at my stupidity in never having suspected the connection; but
+Claude Anet was so discreet, that a more penetrating observer might have
+been deceived.  Their reconciliation affected me, and added respect to
+the esteem I before felt for him.  From this time I became, in some
+measure, his pupil, nor did I find myself the worse for his instruction.
+
+I could not learn, without pain, that she lived in greater intimacy with
+another than with myself: it was a situation I had not even thought of,
+but (which was very natural) it hurt me to see another in possession of
+it.  Nevertheless, instead of feeling any aversion to the person who had
+this advantage over me, I found the attachment I felt for her actually
+extend to him.  I desired her happiness above all things, and since he
+was concerned in her plan of felicity, I was content he should be happy
+likewise.  Meantime he perfectly entered into the views of his mistress;
+conceived a sincere friendship for me, and without affecting the
+authority his situation might have entitled him to, he naturally
+possessed that which his superior judgment gave him over mine.  I dared
+do nothing he disproved of, but he was sure to disapprove only what
+merited disapprobation: thus we lived in an union which rendered us
+mutually happy, and which death alone could dissolve.
+
+One proof of the excellence of this amiable woman's character, is, that
+all those who loved her, loved each other; even jealousy and rivalship
+submitting to the more powerful sentiment with which she inspired them,
+and I never saw any of those who surrounded her entertain the least ill
+will among themselves.  Let the reader pause a moment on this encomium,
+and if he can recollect any other woman who deserves it, let him attach
+himself to her, if he would obtain happiness.
+
+From my arrival at Chambery to my departure for Paris, 1741, included an
+interval of eight or nine years, during which time I have few adventures
+to relate; my life being as simple as it was agreeable.  This uniformity
+was precisely what was most wanting to complete the formation of my
+character, which continual troubles had prevented from acquiring any
+degree of stability.  It was during this pleasing interval, that my
+unconnected, unfinished education, gained consistence, and made me what I
+have unalterably remained amid the storms with which I have since been
+surrounded.
+
+The progress was slow, almost imperceptible, and attended by few
+memorable circumstances; yet it deserves to be followed and investigated.
+
+At first, I was wholly occupied with my business, the constraint of a
+desk left little opportunity for other thoughts, the small portion of
+time I was at liberty was passed with my dear Madam de Warrens, and not
+having leisure to read, I felt no inclination for it; but when my
+business (by daily repetition) became familiar, and my mind was less
+occupied, study again became necessary, and (as my desires were ever
+irritated by any difficulty that opposed the indulgence of them) might
+once more have become a passion, as at my master's, had not other
+inclinations interposed and diverted it.
+
+Though our occupation did not demand a very profound skill in arithmetic,
+it sometimes required enough to puzzle me.  To conquer this difficulty,
+I purchased books which treated on that science, and learned well, for I
+now studied alone.  Practical arithmetic extends further than is usually
+supposed if you would attain exact precision.  There are operations of
+extreme length in which I have sometimes seen good geometricians lose
+themselves.  Reflection, assisted by practice, gives clear ideas, and
+enables you to devise shorter methods, these inventions flatter our
+self-complacency, while their exactitude satisfies our understanding, and
+renders a study pleasant, which is, of itself, heavy and unentertaining.
+At length I became so expert as not to be puzzled by any question that
+was solvable by arithmetical calculation; and even now, while everything
+I formerly knew fades daily on my memory, this acquirement, in a great
+measure remains, through an interval of thirty years.  A few days ago,
+in a journey I made to Davenport, being with my host at an arithmetical
+lesson given his children, I did (with pleasure, and without errors) a
+most complicated work.  While setting down my figures, methought I was
+still at Chambery, still in my days of happiness--how far had I to look
+back for them!
+
+The colored plans of our geometricians had given me a taste for drawing:
+accordingly I bought colors, and began by attempting flowers and
+landscapes.  It was unfortunate that I had not talents for this art,
+for my inclination was much disposed to it, and while surrounded with
+crayons, pencils, and colors, I could have passed whole months without
+wishing to leave them.  This amusement engaged me so much that they were
+obliged to force me from it; and thus it is with every inclination I give
+into, it continues to augment, till at length it becomes so powerful,
+that I lose sight of everything except the favorite amusement.  Years
+have not been able to cure me of that fault, nay, have not even
+diminished it; for while I am writing this, behold me, like an old
+dotard, infatuated with another, to me useless study, which I do not
+understand, and which even those who have devoted their youthful days to
+the acquisition of, are constrained to abandon, at the age I am beginning
+with it.
+
+At that time, the study I am now speaking of would have been well placed,
+the opportunity was good, and I had some temptation to profit by it; for
+the satisfaction I saw in the eyes of Anet, when he came home loaded with
+new discovered plants, set me two or three times on the point of going to
+herbalize with him, and I am almost certain that had I gone once,
+I should have been caught, and perhaps at this day might have been an
+excellent botanist, for I know no study more congenial to my natural
+inclination, than that of plants; the life I have led for these ten years
+past, in the country, being little more than a continual herbalizing,
+though I must confess, without object, and without improvement; but at
+the time I am now speaking of I had no inclination for botany, nay,
+I even despised, and was disgusted at the idea, considering it only as a
+fit study for an apothecary.  Madam de Warrens was fond of it merely for
+this purpose, seeking none but common plants to use in her medical
+preparations; thus botany, chemistry, and anatomy were confounded in my
+idea under the general denomination of medicine, and served to furnish me
+with pleasant sarcasms the whole day, which procured me, from time to
+time, a box on the ear, applied by Madam de Warrens.  Besides this, a
+very contrary taste grew up with me, and by degrees absorbed all others;
+this was music.  I was certainly born for that science, I loved it from
+my infancy, and it was the only inclination I have constantly adhered to;
+but it is astonishing that what nature seemed to have designed me for
+should have cost so much pains to learn, and that I should acquire it so
+slowly, that after a whole life spent in the practice of this art,
+I could never attain to sing with any certainty at sight.  What rendered
+the study of music more agreeable to me at that time, was, being able to
+practise it with Madam de Warrens.  In other respects our tastes were
+widely different: this was a point of coincidence, which I loved to avail
+myself of.  She had no more objection to this than myself.  I knew at
+that time almost as much of it as she did, and after two or three
+efforts, we could make shift to decipher an air.  Sometimes, when I saw
+her busy at her furnace, I have said, "Here now is a charming duet, which
+seems made for the very purpose of spoiling your drugs;" her answer would
+be, "If you make me burn them, I'll make you eat them:" thus disputing, I
+drew her to the harpsichord; the furnace was presently forgotten, the
+extract of juniper or wormwood calcined (which I cannot recollect without
+transport), and these scenes usually ended by her smearing my face with
+the remains of them.
+
+It may easily be conjectured that I had plenty of employment to fill up
+my leisure hours; one amusement, however, found room, that was well worth
+all the rest.
+
+We lived in such a confined dungeon, that it was necessary sometimes to
+breathe the open air; Anet, therefore, engaged Madam de Warrens to hire a
+garden in the suburbs, both for this purpose and the convenience of
+rearing plants, etc.; to this garden was added a summer--house, which was
+furnished in the customary manner; we sometimes dined, and I frequently
+slept, there.  Insensibly I became attached to this little retreat,
+decorated it with books and prints, spending part of my time in
+ornamenting it during the absence of Madam de Warrens, that I might
+surprise her the more agreeably on her return.  Sometimes I quitted this
+dear friend, that I might enjoy the uninterrupted pleasure of thinking on
+her; this was a caprice I can neither excuse nor fully explain, I only
+know this really was the case, and therefore I avow it.  I remember Madam
+de Luxembourg told me one day in raillery, of a man who used to leave his
+mistress that he might enjoy the satisfaction of writing to her; I
+answered, I could have been this man; I might have added, That I had done
+the very same.
+
+I did not, however, find it necessary to leave Madam de Warrens that I
+might love her the more ardently, for I was ever as perfectly free with
+her as when alone; an advantage I never enjoyed with any other person,
+man or woman, however I might be attached to them; but she was so often
+surrounded by company who were far from pleasing me, that spite and
+weariness drove me to this asylum, where I could indulge the idea,
+without danger of being interrupted by impertinence.  Thus, my time being
+divided between business, pleasure, and instruction, my life passed in
+the most absolute serenity.  Europe was not equally tranquil: France and
+the emperor had mutually declared war, the King of Sardinia had entered
+into the quarrel, and a French army had filed off into Piedmont to awe
+the Milanese.  Our division passed through Chambery, and, among others,
+the regiment of Champaigne, whose colonel was the Duke de la Trimouille,
+to whom I was presented.  He promised many things, but doubtless never
+more thought of me.  Our little garden was exactly at the end of the
+suburb by which the troops entered, so that I could fully satisfy my
+curiosity in seeing them pass, and I became as anxious for the success of
+the war as if it had nearly concerned me.  Till now I had never troubled
+myself about politics, for the first time I began reading the gazettes,
+but with so much partiality on the side of France, that my heart beat
+with rapture on its most trifling advantages, and I was as much afflicted
+on a reverse of fortune, as if I had been particularly concerned.
+
+Had this folly been transient, I should not, perhaps, have mentioned it,
+but it took such root in my heart (without any reasonable cause) that
+when I afterwards acted the anti-despot and proud republican at Paris, in
+spite of myself, I felt a secret predilection for the nation I declared
+servile, and for that government I affected to oppose.  The pleasantest
+of all was that, ashamed of an inclination so contrary to my professed
+maxims, I dared not own it to any one, but rallied the French on their
+defeats, while my heart was more wounded than their own.  I am certainly
+the first man, that, living with a people who treated him well, and whom
+he almost adored, put on, even in their own country, a borrowed air of
+despising them; yet my original inclination is so powerful, constant,
+disinterested, and invincible, that even since my quitting that kingdom,
+since its government, magistrates, and authors, have outvied each other
+in rancor against me, since it has become fashionable to load me with
+injustice and abuse, I have not been able to get rid of this folly, but
+notwithstanding their ill-treatment, love them in spite of myself.
+
+I long sought the cause of this partiality, but was never able to find
+any, except in the occasion that gave it birth.  A rising taste for
+literature attached me to French books, to their authors, and their
+country: at the very moment the French troops were passing Chambery, I
+was reading Brantome's 'Celebrated Captains'; my head was full of the
+Clissons, Bayards, Lautrecs Colignys, Monlmoreneys, and Trimouille, and I
+loved their descendants as the heirs of their merit and courage.  In each
+regiment that passed by methought I saw those famous black bands who had
+formerly done so many noble exploits in Piedmont; in fine, I applied to
+these all the ideas I had gathered from books; my reading continued,
+which, still drawn from the same nation, nourished my affection for that
+country, till, at length, it became a blind passion, which nothing could
+overcome.  I have had occasion to remark several times in the course of
+my travels, that this impression was not peculiar to me for France, but
+was more or less active in every country, for that part of the nation who
+were fond of literature, and cultivated learning; and it was this
+consideration that balanced in my mind the general hatred which the
+conceited air of the French is so apt to inspire.  Their romances, more
+than their men, attract the women of all countries, and the celebrated
+dramatic pieces of France create a fondness in youth for their theaters;
+the reputation which that of Paris in particular has acquired, draws to
+it crowds of strangers, who return enthusiasts to their own country: in
+short, the excellence of their literature captivates the senses, and in
+the unfortunate war just ended, I have seen their authors and
+philosophers maintain the glory of France, so tarnished by its warriors.
+
+I was, therefore, an ardent Frenchman; this rendered me a politician, and
+I attended in the public square, amid a throng of news-mongers, the
+arrival of the post, and, sillier than the ass in the fable, was very
+uneasy to know whose packsaddle I should next have the honor to carry,
+for it was then supposed we should belong to France, and that Savoy would
+be exchanged for Milan.  I must confess, however, that I experienced some
+uneasiness, for had this war terminated unfortunately for the allies, the
+pension of Madam de Warrens would have been in a dangerous situation;
+nevertheless, I had great confidence in my good friends, the French, and
+for once (in spite of the surprise of M. de Broglio) my confidence was
+not ill-founded--thanks to the King of Sardinia, whom I had never thought
+of.
+
+While we were fighting in Italy, they were singing in France: the operas
+of Rameau began to make a noise there, and once more raise the credit of
+his theoretic works, which, from their obscurity, were within the compass
+of very few understandings.  By chance I heard of his 'Treatise on
+Harmony', and had no rest till I purchased it.  By another chance I fell
+sick; my illness was inflammatory, short and violent, but my
+convalescence was tedious, for I was unable to go abroad for a whole
+month.  During this time I eagerly ran over my Treatise on Harmony, but
+it was so long, so diffuse, and so badly disposed, that I found it would
+require a considerable time to unravel it: accordingly I suspended my
+inclination, and recreated my sight with music.
+
+The cantatas of Bernier were what I principally exercised myself with.
+These were never out of my mind; I learned four or five by heart, and
+among the rest, 'The Sleeping Cupids', which I have never seen since that
+time, though I still retain it almost entirely; as well as 'Cupid Stung
+by a Bee', a very pretty cantata by Clerambault, which I learned about
+the same time.
+
+To complete me, there arrived a young organist from Valdoste, called the
+Abbe Palais, a good musician and an agreeable companion, who performed
+very well on the harpsichord; I got acquainted with him, and we soon
+became inseparable.  He had been brought up by an Italian monk, who was a
+capital organist.  He explained to me his principles of music, which I
+compared with Rameau; my head was filled with accompaniments, concords
+and harmony, but as it was necessary to accustom the ear to all this, I
+proposed to Madam de Warrens having a little concert once a month, to
+which she consented.
+
+Behold me then so full of this concert, that night or day I could think
+of nothing else, and it actually employed a great part of my time to
+select the music, assemble the musicians, look to the instruments, and
+write out the several parts.  Madam de Warrens sang; Father Cato (whom I
+have before mentioned, and shall have occasion to speak of again) sang
+likewise; a dancing--master named Roche, and his son, played on the
+violin; Canavas, a Piedmontese musician (who was employed like myself in
+the survey, and has since married at Paris), played on the violoncello;
+the Abbe Palais performed on the harpsichord, and I had the honor to
+conduct the whole.  It may be supposed all this was charming; I cannot
+say it equalled my concert at Monsieur de Tretoren's, but certainly it
+was not far behind it.
+
+This little concert, given by Madam de Warrens, the new convert, who
+lived (it was expressed) on the king's charity, made the whole tribe of
+devotees murmur, but was a very agreeable amusement to several worthy
+people, at the head of whom it would not be easily surmised that I should
+place a monk; yet, though a monk, a man of considerable merit, and even
+of a very amiable disposition, whose subsequent misfortunes gave me the
+most lively concern, and whose idea, attached to that of my happy days,
+is yet dear to my memory.  I speak of Father Cato, a Cordelier, who, in
+conjunction with the Count d'Ortan, had caused the music of poor Le
+Maitre to be seized at Lyons; which action was far from being the
+brightest trait in his history.  He was a Bachelor of Sorbonne, had lived
+long in Paris among the great world, and was particularly caressed by the
+Marquis d'Antremont, then Ambassador from Sardinia.  He was tall and well
+made; full faced, with very fine eyes, and black hair, which formed
+natural curls on each side of his forehead.  His manner was at once
+noble, open, and modest; he presented himself with ease and good manners,
+having neither the hypocritical nor impudent behavior of a monk, or the
+forward assurance of a fashionable coxcomb, but the manners of a
+well-bred man, who, without blushing for his habit, set a value on
+himself, and ever felt in his proper situation when in good company.
+Though Father Cato was not deeply studied for a doctor, he was much so
+for a man of the world, and not being compelled to show his talents, he
+brought them forward so advantageously that they appeared greater than
+they really were.  Having lived much in the world, he had rather
+attached himself to agreeable acquirements than to solid learning; had
+sense, made verses, spoke well, sang better, and aided his good voice by
+playing on the organ and harpsichord.  So many pleasing qualities were
+not necessary to make his company sought after, and, accordingly, it was
+very much so, but this did not make him neglect the duties of his
+function: he was chosen (in spite of his jealous competitors) Definitor
+of his Province, or, according to them, one of the greatest pillars of
+their order.
+
+Father Cato became acquainted with Madam de Warrens at the Marquis of
+Antremont's; he had heard of her concerts, wished to assist at them, and
+by his company rendered our meetings truly agreeable.  We were soon
+attached to each other by our mutual taste for music, which in both was a
+most lively passion, with this difference, that he was really a musician,
+and myself a bungler.  Sometimes assisted by Canavas and the Abbe Palais,
+we had music in his apartment; or on holidays at his organ, and
+frequently dined with him; for, what was very astonishing in a monk,
+he was generous, profuse, and loved good cheer, without the least
+tincture of greediness.  After our concerts, he always used to stay to
+supper, and these evenings passed with the greatest gayety and
+good-humor; we conversed with the utmost freedom, and sang duets; I was
+perfectly at my ease, had sallies of wit and merriment; Father Cato was
+charming, Madam de Warrens adorable, and the Abbe Palais, with his rough
+voice, was the butt of the company.  Pleasing moments of sportive youth,
+how long since have ye fled!
+
+As I shall have no more occasion to speak of poor Father Cato, I will
+here conclude in a few words his melancholy history.  His brother monks,
+jealous, or rather exasperated to discover in him a merit and elegance of
+manners which favored nothing of monastic stupidity, conceived the most
+violent hatred to him, because he was not as despicable as themselves;
+the chiefs, therefore, combined against this worthy man, and set on the
+envious rabble of monks, who otherwise would not have dared to hazard the
+attack.  He received a thousand indignities; they degraded him from his
+office, took away the apartment which he had furnished with elegant
+simplicity, and, at length, banished him, I know not whither: in short,
+these wretches overwhelmed him with so many evils, that his honest and
+proud soul sank under the pressure, and, after having been the delight of
+the most amiable societies, he died of grief, on a wretched bed, hid in
+some cell or dungeon, lamented by all worthy people of his acquaintance,
+who could find no fault in him, except his being a monk.
+
+Accustomed to this manner of life for some time, I became so entirely
+attached to music that I could think of nothing else.  I went to my
+business with disgust, the necessary confinement and assiduity appeared
+an insupportable punishment, which I at length wished to relinquish, that
+I might give myself up without reserve to my favorite amusement.  It will
+be readily believed that this folly met with some opposition; to give up
+a creditable employment and fixed salary to run after uncertain scholars
+was too giddy a plan to be approved of by Madam de Warrens, and even
+supposing my future success should prove as great as I flattered myself,
+it was fixing very humble limits to my ambition to think of reducing
+myself for life to the condition of a music-master.  She, who formed for
+me the brightest projects, and no longer trusted implicitly to the
+judgment of M. d'Aubonne, seeing with concern that I was so seriously
+occupied with a talent which she thought frivolous, frequently repeated
+to me that provincial proverb, which does not hold quite so good in
+Paris,
+
+              "Qui biens chante et biens dance,
+               fait un metier qui peu avance."
+
+          [He who can sweetly sing and featly dance.
+          His interests right little shall advance.]
+
+On the other hand, she saw me hurried away by this irresistible passion,
+my taste for music having become a furor, and it was much to be feared
+that my employment, suffering by my distraction, might draw on me a
+discharge, which would be worse than a voluntary resignation.
+I represented to her; that this employment could not last long, that it
+was necessary I should have some permanent means of subsistence, and that
+it would be much better to complete by practice the acquisition of that
+art to which my inclination led me than to make fresh essays, which
+possibly might not succeed, since by this means, having passed the age
+most proper for improvement, I might be left without a single resource
+for gaining a livelihood: in short, I extorted her consent more by
+importunity and caresses than by any satisfactory reasons.  Proud of my
+success, I immediately ran to thank M. Coccelli, Director-General of the
+Survey, as though I had performed the most heroic action, and quitted my
+employment without cause, reason, or pretext, with as much pleasure as I
+had accepted it two years before.
+
+This step, ridiculous as it may appear, procured me a kind of
+consideration, which I found extremely useful.  Some supposed I had
+resources which I did not possess; others, seeing me totally given up to
+music, judged of my abilities by the sacrifice I had made, and concluded
+that with such a passion for the art, I must possess it in a superior
+degree.  In a nation of blind men, those with one eye are kings.  I
+passed here for an excellent master, because all the rest were very bad
+ones.  Possessing taste in singing, and being favored by my age and
+figure, I soon procured more scholars than were sufficient to compensate
+for the losses of my secretary's pay.  It is certain, that had it been
+reasonable to consider the pleasure of my situation only, it was
+impossible to pass more speedily from one extreme to the other.  At our
+measuring, I was confined eight hours in the day to the most
+unentertaining employment, with yet more disagreeable company.  Shut up
+in a melancholy counting-house, empoisoned by the smell and respiration
+of a number of clowns, the major part of whom were ill-combed and very
+dirty, what with attention, bad air, constraint and weariness, I was
+sometimes so far overcome as to occasion a vertigo.  Instead of this,
+behold me admitted into the fashionable world, sought after in the first
+houses, and everywhere received with an air of satisfaction; amiable and
+gay young ladies awaiting my arrival, and welcoming me with pleasure;
+I see nothing but charming objects, smell nothing but roses and orange
+flowers; singing, chatting, laughter, and amusements, perpetually succeed
+each other.  It must be allowed, that reckoning all these advantages, no
+hesitation was necessary in the choice; in fact, I was so content with
+mine, that I never once repented it; nor do I even now, when, free from
+the irrational motives that influenced me at that time, I weigh in the
+scale of reason every action of my life.
+
+This is, perhaps, the only time that, listening to inclination, I was not
+deceived in my expectations.  The easy access, obliging temper, and free
+humor of this country, rendered a commerce with the world agreeable,
+and the inclination I then felt for it, proves to me, that if I have a
+dislike for society, it is more their fault than mine.  It is a pity the
+Savoyards are not rich: though, perhaps, it would be a still greater pity
+if they were so, for altogether they are the best, the most sociable
+people that I know, and if there is a little city in the world where the
+pleasures of life are experienced in an agreeable and friendly commerce,
+it is at Chambery.  The gentry of the province who assemble there have
+only sufficient wealth to live and not enough to spoil them; they cannot
+give way to ambition, but follow, through necessity, the counsel of
+Cyneas, devoting their youth to a military employment, and returning home
+to grow old in peace; an arrangement over which honor and reason equally
+preside.  The women are handsome, yet do not stand in need of beauty,
+since they possess all those qualifications which enhance its value and
+even supply the want of it.  It is remarkable, that being obliged by my
+profession to see a number of young girls, I do not recollect one at
+Chambery but what was charming: it will be said I was disposed to find
+them so, and perhaps there maybe some truth in the surmise.  I cannot
+remember my young scholars without pleasure.  Why, in naming the most
+amiable, cannot I recall them and myself also to that happy age in which
+our moments, pleasing as innocent, were passed with such happiness
+together?  The first was Mademoiselle de Mallarede, my neighbor, and
+sister to a pupil of Monsieur Gaime.  She was a fine clear brunette,
+lively and graceful, without giddiness; thin as girls of that age usually
+are; but her bright eyes, fine shape, and easy air, rendered her
+sufficiently pleasing with that degree of plumpness which would have
+given a heightening to her charms.  I went there of mornings, when she
+was usually in her dishabille, her hair carelessly turned up, and, on my
+arrival, ornamented with a flower, which was taken off at my departure
+for her hair to be dressed.  There is nothing I fear so much as a pretty
+woman in an elegant dishabille; I should dread them a hundred times less
+in full dress.  Mademoiselle de Menthon, whom I attended in the
+afternoon, was ever so.  She made an equally pleasing, but quite
+different impression on me.  Her hair was flaxen, her person delicate,
+she was very timid and extremely fair, had a clear voice, capable of just
+modulation, but which she had not courage to employ to its full extent.
+She had the mark of a scald on her bosom, which a scanty piece of blue
+chenille did not entirely cover, this scar sometimes drew my attention,
+though not absolutely on its own account.  Mademoiselle des Challes,
+another of my neighbors, was a woman grown, tall, well-formed, jolly,
+very pleasing though not a beauty, and might be quoted for her
+gracefulness, equal temper, and good humor.  Her sister, Madam de Charly,
+the handsomest woman of Chambery, did not learn music, but I taught her
+daughter, who was yet young, but whose growing beauty promised to equal
+her mother's, if she had not unfortunately been a little red-haired.
+I had likewise among my scholars a little French lady, whose name I have
+forgotten, but who merits a place in my list of preferences.  She had
+adopted the slow drawling tone of the nuns, in which voice she would
+utter some very keen things, which did not in the least appear to
+correspond with her manner; but she was indolent, and could not generally
+take pains to show her wit, that being a favor she did not grant to every
+one.  After a month or two of negligent attendance, this was an expedient
+she devised to make me more assiduous, for I could not easily persuade
+myself to be so.  When with my scholars, I was fond enough of teaching,
+but could not bear the idea of being obliged to attend at a particular
+hour; constraint and subjection in every shape are to me insupportable,
+and alone sufficient to make me hate even pleasure itself.
+
+I had some scholars likewise among the tradespeople, and, among others,
+one who was the indirect cause of a change of relationship, which (as I
+have promised to declare all) I must relate in its place.  She was the
+daughter of a grocer, and was called Mademoiselle de Larnage, a perfect
+model for a Grecian statue, and whom I should quote for the handsomest
+girl I have ever seen, if true beauty could exist without life or soul.
+Her indolence, reserve, and insensibility were inconceivable; it was
+equally impossible to please or make her angry, and I am convinced that
+had any one formed a design upon her virtue, he might have succeeded, not
+through her inclination, but from her stupidity.  Her mother, who would
+run no risk of this, did not leave her a single moment.  In having her
+taught to sing and providing a young master, she had hoped to enliven
+her, but it all proved ineffectual.  While the master was admiring the
+daughter, the mother was admiring the master, but this was equally lost
+labor.  Madam de Larnage added to her natural vivacity that portion of
+sprightliness which should have belonged to the daughter.  She was a
+little, ugly, lively trollop, with small twinkling ferret eyes, and
+marked with smallpox.  On my arrival in the morning, I always found my
+coffee and cream ready, and the mother never failed to welcome me with a
+kiss on the lips, which I would willingly have returned the daughter, to
+see how she would have received it.  All this was done with such an air
+of carelessness and simplicity, that even when M. de Larnage was present;
+her kisses and caresses were not omitted.  He was a good quiet fellow,
+the true original of his daughter; nor did his wife endeavor to deceive
+him, because there was absolutely no occasion for it.
+
+I received all these caresses with my usual stupidity, taking them only
+for marks of pure friendship, though they were sometimes troublesome; for
+the lively Madam Lard was displeased, if, during the day, I passed the
+shop without calling; it became necessary, therefore (when I had no time
+to spare), to go out of my way through another street, well knowing it
+was not so easy to quit her house as to enter it.
+
+Madam Lard thought so much of me, that I could not avoid thinking
+something of her.  Her attentions affected me greatly; and I spoke of
+them to Madam de Warrens, without supposing any mystery in the matter,
+but had there been one I should equally have divulged it, for to have
+kept a secret of any kind from her would have been impossible.  My heart
+lay as open to Madam de Warrens as to Heaven.  She did not understand the
+matter quite so simply as I had done, but saw advances where I only
+discovered friendship.  She concluded that Madam Lard would make a point
+of not leaving me as great a fool as she found me, and, some way or
+other, contrive to make herself understood; but exclusive of the
+consideration that it was not just, that another should undertake the
+instruction of her pupil, she had motives more worthy of her, wishing to
+guard me against the snares to which my youth and inexperience exposed
+me.  Meantime, a more dangerous temptation offered which I likewise
+escaped, but which proved to her that such a succession of dangers
+required every preservative she could possibly apply.
+
+The Countess of Menthon, mother to one of my scholars, was a woman of
+great wit, and reckoned to possess, at least, an equal share of mischief,
+having (as was reported) caused a number of quarrels, and, among others,
+one that terminated fatally for the house of D' Antremont.  Madam de
+Warrens had seen enough of her to know her character: for having (very
+innocently) pleased some person to whom Madam de Menthon had pretensions,
+she found her guilty of the crime of this preference, though Madam de
+Warrens had neither sought after nor accepted it, and from that moment
+endeavored to play her rival a number of ill turns, none of which
+succeeded.  I shall relate one of the most whimsical, by way of specimen.
+
+They were together in the country, with several gentlemen of the
+neighborhood, and among the rest the lover in question.  Madam de Menthon
+took an opportunity to say to one of these gentlemen, that Madam de
+Warrens was a prude, that she dressed ill, and particularly that she
+covered her neck like a tradeswoman.  "O, for that matter," replied the
+person she was speaking to (who was fond of a joke), "she has good
+reason, for I know she is marked with a great ugly rat on her bosom, so
+naturally, that it even appears to be running."  Hatred, as well as love,
+renders its votaries credulous.  Madam de Menthon resolved to make use of
+this discovery, and one day, while Madam de Warrens was at cards with
+this lady's ungrateful favorite, she contrived, in passing behind her
+rival, almost to overset the chair she sat on, and at the same instant,
+very dexterously displaced her handkerchief; but instead of this hideous
+rat, the gentleman beheld a far different object, which it was not more
+easy to forget than to obtain a sight of, and which by no means answered
+the intentions of the lady.
+
+I was not calculated to engross the attention of Madam de Menthon, who
+loved to be surrounded by brilliant company; notwithstanding she bestowed
+some attention on me, not for the sake of my person, which she certainly
+did not regard, but for the reputation of wit which I had acquired, and
+which might have rendered me convenient to her predominant inclination.
+She had a very lively passion for ridicule, and loved to write songs and
+lampoons on those who displeased her: had she found me possessed of
+sufficient talents to aid the fabrication of her verses, and complaisance
+enough to do so, we should presently have turned Chambery upside down;
+these libels would have been traced to their source, Madam de Menthon
+would have saved herself by sacrificing me, and I should have been cooped
+up in prison, perhaps, for the rest of my life, as a recompense for
+having figured away as the Apollo of the ladies.  Fortunately, nothing of
+this kind happened; Madam de Menthon made me stay for dinner two or three
+days, to chat with me, and soon found I was too dull for her purpose.
+I felt this myself, and was humiliated at the discovery, envying the
+talents of my friend Venture; though I should rather have been obliged to
+my stupidity for keeping me out of the reach of danger.  I remained,
+therefore, Madam de Menthon's daughter's singing-master, and nothing
+more!  but I lived happily, and was ever well received at Chambery, which
+was a thousand times more desirable than passing for a wit with her, and
+for a serpent with everybody else.
+
+However this might be, Madam de Warrens conceived it necessary to guard
+me from the perils of youth by treating me as a man: this she immediately
+set about, but in the most extraordinary manner that any woman, in
+similar circumstances, ever devised.  I all at once observed that her
+manner was graver, and her discourse more moral than usual.  To the
+playful gayety with which she used to intermingle her instructions
+suddenly succeeded an uniformity of manner, neither familiar nor severe,
+but which seemed to prepare me for some explanation.  After having vainly
+racked my brain for the reason of this change, I mentioned it to her;
+this she had expected and immediately proposed a walk to our garden the
+next day.  Accordingly we went there the next morning; she had contrived
+that we should remain alone the whole day, which she employed in
+preparing me for those favors she meant to bestow; not as another woman
+would have done, by toying and folly, but by discourses full of sentiment
+and reason, rather tending to instruct than seduce, and which spoke more
+to my heart than to my senses.  Meantime, however excellent and to the
+purpose these discourses might be, and though far enough from coldness or
+melancholy, I did not listen to them with all the attention they merited,
+nor fix them in my memory as I should have done at any other time.  That
+air of preparation which she had adopted gave me a degree of inquietude;
+while she spoke (in spite of myself) I was thoughtful and absent,
+attending less to what she said than curious to know what she aimed at;
+and no sooner had I comprehended her design (which I could not easily do)
+than the novelty of the idea, which, during all the years I had passed
+with her, had never once entered my imagination, took such entire
+possession of me that I was no longer capable of minding what she said!
+I only thought of her; I heard her no longer.
+
+Thinking to render young minds attentive to reason by proposing some
+highly interesting object as the result of it, is an error instructors
+frequently run into, and one which I have not avoided in my Umilius.
+The young pupil, struck with the object presented to him, is occupied
+only with that, and leaping lightly over your preliminary discourses,
+lights at once on the point, to which, in his idea, you lead him too
+tediously.  To render him attentive, he must be prevented from seeing the
+whole of your design; and, in this particular, Madam de Warrens did not
+act with sufficient precaution.
+
+By a singularity which adhered to her systematic disposition, she took
+the vain precaution of proposing conditions; but the moment I knew the
+purchase, I no longer even heard them, but immediately consented to
+everything; and I doubt whether there is a man on the whole earth who
+would have been sincere or courageous enough to dispute terms, or one
+single woman who would have pardoned such a dispute.  By a continuation
+of the same whimsicality, she attached a number of the gravest
+formalities to the acquisition of her favors, and gave me eight days to
+think of them, which I assured her I had no need of, though that
+assurance was far from a truth: for to complete this assemblage of
+singularities, I was very glad to have this intermission; so much had the
+novelty of these ideas struck me, and such disorder did I feel in mine,
+that it required time to arrange them.
+
+It will be supposed, that these eight days appeared to me as many ages;
+on the contrary, I should have been very glad had the time been
+lengthened.  I find it difficult to describe the state I found myself in;
+it was a strange chaos of fear and impatience, dreading what I desired,
+and studying some civil pretext to evade my happiness.
+
+Let the warmth of my constitution be remembered, my age, and my heart
+intoxicated with love; let my tender attachment to her be supposed,
+which, far from having diminished, had daily gained additional strength;
+let it be considered that I was only happy when with her, that my heart
+was full, not only of her bounty, of her amiable disposition, but of her
+shape, of her person, of herself; in a word, conceive me united to her by
+every affinity that could possibly render her dear; nor let it be
+supposed, that, being ten or twelve years older than myself, she began to
+grow an old woman, or was so in my opinion.  From the time the first
+sight of her had made such an impression on me, she had really altered
+very little, and, in my mind, not at all.  To me she was ever charming,
+and was still thought so by everyone.  She had got something jollier,
+but had the same fine eyes, the same clear complexion, the same features,
+the same beautiful light hair, the sane gayety, and even the same voice,
+whose youthful and silvery sound made so lively an impression on my
+heart, that, even to this day, I cannot hear a young woman's voice,
+that is at all harmonious, without emotion.  It will be seen, that in a
+more advanced age, the bare idea of some trifling favors I had to expect
+from the person I loved, inflamed me so far, that I could not support,
+with any degree of patience, the time necessary to traverse the short
+space that separated us; how then, by what miracle, when in the flower of
+my youth, had I so little impatience for a happiness I had never tasted
+but in idea?  How could I see the moment advancing with more pain than
+pleasure?  Why, instead of transports that should have intoxicated me
+with their deliciousness, did I experience only fears and repugnance?
+I have no doubt that if I could have avoided this happiness with any
+degree of decency, I should have relinquished it with all my heart.
+I have promised a number of extravagancies in the history of my
+attachment to her; this certainly is one that no idea could be formed of.
+
+The reader (already disgusted) supposes, that being in the situation I
+have before described with Claude Anet, she was already degraded in my
+opinion by this participation of her favors, and that a sentiment of
+disesteem weakened those she had before inspired me with; but he is
+mistaken.  'Tis true that this participation gave me a cruel uneasiness,
+as well from a very natural sentiment of delicacy, as because it appeared
+unworthy both of her and myself; but as to my sentiments for her, they
+were still the same, and I can solemnly aver, that I never loved her more
+tenderly than when I felt so little propensity to avail myself of her
+condescension.  I was too well acquainted with the chastity of her heart
+and the iciness of her constitution, to suppose a moment that the
+gratification of the senses had any influence over her; I was well
+convinced that her only motive was to guard me from dangers, which
+appeared otherwise inevitable, by this extraordinary favor, which she did
+not consider in the same light that women usually do; as will presently
+be explained.
+
+The habit of living a long time innocently together, far from weakening
+the first sentiments I felt for her, had contributed to strengthen them,
+giving a more lively, a more tender, but at the same time a less sensual,
+turn to my affection.  Having ever accustomed myself to call her Mama (as
+formerly observed) and enjoying the familiarity of a son, it became
+natural to consider myself as such, and I am inclined to think this was
+the true reason of that insensibility with a person I so tenderly loved;
+for I can perfectly recollect that my emotions on first seeing her,
+though not more lively, were more voluptuous: At Annecy I was
+intoxicated, at Chambery I possessed my reason.  I always loved her as
+passionately as possible, but I now loved her more for herself and less
+on my own account; or, at least, I rather sought for happiness than
+pleasure in her company.  She was more to me than a sister, a mother, a
+friend, or even than a mistress, and for this very reason she was not a
+mistress; in a word, I loved her too much to desire her.
+
+This day, more dreaded than hoped for, at length arrived.  I have before
+observed, that I promised everything that was required of me, and I kept
+my word: my heart confirmed my engagements without desiring the fruits,
+though at length I obtained them.  Was I happy?  No: I felt I know not
+what invincible sadness which empoisoned my happiness, it seemed that I
+had committed an incest, and two or three times, pressing her eagerly in
+my arms, I deluged her bosom with my tears.  On her part, as she had
+never sought pleasure, she had not the stings of remorse.
+
+I repeat it, all her failings were the effect of her errors, never of her
+passions.  She was well born, her heart was pure, her manners noble, her
+desires regular and virtuous, her taste delicate; she seemed formed for
+that elegant purity of manners which she ever loved, but never practised,
+because instead of listening to the dictates of her heart, she followed
+those of her reason, which led her astray: for when once corrupted by
+false principles it will ever run counter to its natural sentiments.
+Unhappily, she piqued herself on philosophy, and the morals she drew from
+thence clouded the genuine purity of her heart.
+
+M. Tavel, her first lover, was also her instructor in this philosophy,
+and the principles he instilled into her mind were such as tended to
+seduce her.  Finding her cold and impregnable on the side of her
+passions, and firmly attached to her husband and her duty, he attacked
+her by sophisms, endeavoring to prove that the list of duties she thought
+so sacred, was but a sort of catechism, fit only for children.  That the
+kind of infidelity she thought so terrible, was, in itself, absolutely
+indifferent; that all the morality of conjugal faith consisted in
+opinion, the contentment of husbands being the only reasonable rule of
+duty in wives; consequently that concealed infidelities, doing no injury,
+could be no crime; in a word, he persuaded her that the sin consisted
+only in the scandal, that woman being really virtuous who took care to
+appear so.  Thus the deceiver obtained his end in the subverting the
+reason of a girl; whose heart he found it impossible to corrupt, and
+received his punishment in a devouring jealousy, being persuaded she
+would treat him as he had prevailed on her to treat her husband.
+
+I don't know whether he was mistaken in this respect: the Minister Perret
+passed for his successor; all I know, is, that the coldness of
+temperament which it might have been supposed would have kept her from
+embracing this system, in the end prevented her from renouncing it.  She
+could not conceive how so much importance should be given to what seemed
+to have none for her; nor could she honor with the name of virtue, an
+abstinence which would have cost her little.
+
+She did not, therefore, give in to this false principle on her own
+account, but for the sake of others; and that from another maxim almost
+as false as the former, but more consonant to the generosity of her
+disposition.
+
+She was persuaded that nothing could attach a man so truly to any woman
+as an unbounded freedom, and though she was only susceptible of
+friendship, this friendship was so tender, that she made use of every
+means which depended on her to secure the objects of it, and, which is
+very extraordinary, almost always succeeded: for she was so truly
+amiable, that an increase of intimacy was sure to discover additional
+reasons to love and respect her.  Another thing worthy of remark is,
+that after her first folly, she only favored the unfortunate.  Lovers in
+a more brilliant station lost their labor with her, but the man who at
+first attracted her pity, must have possessed very few good qualities if
+in the end he did not obtain her affection.  Even when she made an
+unworthy choice, far from proceeding from base inclinations (which were
+strangers to her noble heart) it was the effect of a disposition too
+generous, humane, compassionate, and sensible, which she did not always
+govern with sufficient discernment.
+
+If some false principles misled her, how many admirable ones did she not
+possess, which never forsook her!  By how many virtues did she atone for
+her failings! if we can call by that name errors in which the senses had
+so little share.  The man who in one particular deceived her so
+completely, had given her excellent instructions in a thousand others;
+and her passions, being far from turbulent, permitted her to follow the
+dictates.  She ever acted wisely when her sophisms did not intervene, and
+her designs were laudable even in her failings.  False principles might
+lead her to do ill, but she never did anything which she conceived to be
+wrong.  She abhorred lying and duplicity, was just, equitable, humane,
+disinterested, true to her word, her friends, and those duties which she
+conceived to be such; incapable of hatred or revenge, and not even
+conceiving there was a merit in pardoning; in fine (to return to those
+qualities which were less excusable), though she did not properly value,
+she never made a vile commerce of her favors; she lavished, but never
+sold them, though continually reduced to expedients for a subsistence:
+and I dare assert, that if Socrates could esteem Aspasia, he would have
+respected Madam de Warrens.
+
+I am well aware that ascribing sensibility of heart with coldness of
+temperament to the same person, I shall generally, and with great
+appearance of reason, be accused of a contradiction.  Perhaps Nature
+sported or blundered, and this combination ought not to have existed;
+I only know it did exist.  All those who know Madam de Warrens (a great
+number of whom are yet living) have had opportunities of knowing this was
+a fact; I dare even aver she had but one pleasure in the world, which was
+serving those she loved.  Let every one argue on the point as he pleases,
+and gravely prove that this cannot be; my business is to declare the
+truth, and not to enforce a belief of it.
+
+I became acquainted with the particulars I have just related, in those
+conversations which succeeded our union, and alone rendered it delicious.
+She was right when she concluded her complaisance would be useful to me;
+I derived great advantages from it in point of useful instruction.
+Hitherto she had used me as a child, she now began to treat me as a man,
+and entertain me with accounts of herself.  Everything she said was so
+interesting, and I was so sensibly touched with it, that, reasoning with
+myself, I applied these confidential relations to my own improvement and
+received more instruction from them than from her teaching.  When we
+truly feel that the heart speaks, our own opens to receive its
+instructions, nor can all the pompous morality of a pedagogue have half
+the effect that is produced by the tender, affectionate, and artless
+conversation of a sensible woman on him who loves her.
+
+The intimacy in which I lived with Madam de Warrens, having placed me
+more advantageously in her opinion than formerly, she began to think
+(notwithstanding my awkward manner) that I deserved cultivation for the
+polite world, and that if I could one day show myself there in an
+eligible situation, I should soon be able to make my way.  In consequence
+of this idea, she set about forming not only my judgment, but my address,
+endeavoring to render me amiable, as well as estimable; and if it is true
+that success in this world is consistent with strict virtue (which, for
+my part, I do not believe), I am certain there is no other road than that
+she had taken, and wished to point out to me.  For Madam de Warrens knew
+mankind, and understood exquisitely well the art of treating all ranks,
+without falsehood, and without imprudence, neither deceiving nor
+provoking them; but this art was rather in her disposition than her
+precepts, she knew better how to practise than explain it, and I was of
+all the world the least calculated to become master of such an
+attainment; accordingly, the means employed for this purpose were nearly
+lost labor, as well as the pains she took to procure me a fencing and a
+dancing master.
+
+Though very well made, I could never learn to dance a minuet; for being
+plagued with corns, I had acquired a habit of walking on my heels, which
+Roche, the dancing master, could never break me of.  It was still worse
+at the fencing-school, where, after three months' practice, I made but
+very little progress, and could never attempt fencing with any but my
+master.  My wrist was not supple enough, nor my arm sufficiently firm to
+retain the foil, whenever he chose to make it fly out of my hand.  Add to
+this, I had a mortal aversion both to the art itself and to the person
+who undertook to teach it to me, nor should I ever have imagined, that
+anyone could have been so proud of the science of sending men out of the
+world.  To bring this vast genius within the compass of my comprehension,
+he explained himself by comparisons drawn from music, which he understood
+nothing of.  He found striking analogies between a hit in 'quarte' or
+'tierce' with the intervals of music which bears those names: when he
+made a feint he cried out, "take care of this 'diesis'," because
+anciently they called the 'diesis' a feint: and when he had made the foil
+fly from my hand, he would add, with a sneer, that this was a pause: in a
+word, I never in my life saw a more insupportable pedant.
+
+I made, therefore, but little progress in my exercises, which I presently
+quitted from pure disgust; but I succeeded better in an art of a thousand
+times more value, namely, that of being content with my situation, and
+not desiring one more brilliant, for which I began to be persuaded that
+Nature had not designed me.  Given up to the endeavor of rendering Madam
+de Warrens happy, I was ever best pleased when in her company, and,
+notwithstanding my fondness for music, began to grudge the time I
+employed in giving lessons to my scholars.
+
+I am ignorant whether Anet perceived the full extent of our union; but I
+am inclined to think he was no stranger to it.  He was a young man of
+great penetration, and still greater discretion; who never belied his
+sentiments, but did not always speak them: without giving me the least
+hint that he was acquainted with our intimacy, he appeared by his conduct
+to be so; nor did this moderation proceed from baseness of soul, but,
+having entered entirely into the principles of his mistress, he could not
+reasonably disapprove of the natural consequences of them.  Though as
+young as herself, he was so grave and thoughtful, that he looked on us as
+two children who required indulgence, and we regarded him as a
+respectable man, whose esteem we had to preserve.  It was not until after
+she was unfaithful to Anet, that I learned the strength of her attachment
+to him.  She was fully sensible that I only thought, felt, or lived for
+her; she let me see, therefore, how much she loved Anet, that I might
+love him likewise, and dwell less on her friendship, than on her esteem,
+for him, because this was the sentiment that I could most fully partake
+of.  How often has she affected our hearts and made us embrace with
+tears, by assuring us that we were both necessary to her happiness!
+Let not women read this with an ill-natured smile; with the temperament
+she possessed, this necessity was not equivocal, it was only that of the
+heart.
+
+Thus there was established, among us three, a union without example,
+perhaps, on the face of the earth.  All our wishes, our cares, our very
+hearts, were for each other, and absolutely confined to this little
+circle.  The habit of living together, and living exclusively from the
+rest of the world, became so strong, that if at our repasts one of the
+three was wanting, or a fourth person came in, everything seemed
+deranged; and, notwithstanding our particular attachments, even our
+tete-a-tete were less agreeable than our reunion.  What banished every
+species of constraint from our little community, was a lively reciprocal
+confidence, and dulness or insipidity could find no place among us,
+because we were always fully employed.  Madam de Warrens always
+projecting, always busy, left us no time for idleness, though, indeed,
+we had each sufficient employment on our own account.  It is my maxim,
+that idleness is as much the pest of society as of solitude.  Nothing
+more contracts the mind, or engenders more tales, mischief, gossiping,
+and lies, than for people to be eternally shut up in the same apartment
+together, and reduced, from the want of employment, to the necessity of
+an incessant chat.  When every one is busy (unless you have really
+something to say), you may continue silent; but if you have nothing to
+do, you must absolutely speak continually, and this, in my mind, is the
+most burdensome and the most dangerous constraint.  I will go further,
+and maintain, that to render company harmless, as well as agreeable, it
+is necessary, not only that they should have something to do, but
+something that requires a degree of attention.
+
+Knitting, for instance, is absolutely as bad as doing nothing; you must
+take as much pains to amuse a woman whose fingers are thus employed, as
+if she sat with her arms crossed; but let her embroider, and it is a
+different matter; she is then so far busied, that a few intervals of
+silence may be borne with.  What is most disgusting and ridiculous,
+during these intermissions of conversation, is to see, perhaps, a dozen
+over-grown fellows, get up, sit down again, walk backwards and forwards,
+turn on their heels, play with the chimney ornaments, and rack their
+brains to maintain an inexhaustible chain of words: what a charming
+occupation!  Such people, wherever they go, must be troublesome both to
+others and themselves.  When I was at Motiers, I used to employ myself in
+making laces with my neighbors, and were I again to mix with the world,
+I would always carry a cup-and-ball in my pocket; I should sometimes play
+with it the whole day, that I might not be constrained to speak when I
+had nothing to discourse about; and I am persuaded, that if every one
+would do the same, mankind would be less mischievous, their company would
+become more rational, and, in my opinion, a vast deal more agreeable;
+in a word, let wits laugh if they please, but I maintain, that the only
+practical lesson of morality within the reach of the present age, is that
+of the cup-and-ball.
+
+At Chambery they did not give us the trouble of studying expedients to
+avoid weariness, when by ourselves, for a troop of important visitors
+gave us too much by their company, to feel any when alone.  The annoyance
+they formerly gave me had not diminished; all the difference was, that I
+now found less opportunity to abandon myself to my dissatisfaction.
+Poor Madam de Warrens had not lost her old predilection for schemes and
+systems; on the contrary, the more she felt the pressure of her domestic
+necessities, the more she endeavored to extricate herself from them by
+visionary projects; and, in proportion to the decrease of her present
+resources, she contrived to enlarge, in idea, those of the future.
+Increase of years only strengthened this folly: as she lost her relish
+for the pleasures of the world and youth, she replaced it by an
+additional fondness for secrets and projects; her house was never clear
+of quacks, contrivers of new manufactures, alchemists, projects of all
+kinds and of all descriptions, whose discourses began by a distribution
+of millions and concluded by giving you to understand that they were in
+want of a crown--piece.  No one went from her empty-handed; and what
+astonished me most was, how she could so long support such profusion,
+without exhausting the source or wearying her creditors.
+
+Her principal project at the time I am now speaking of was that of
+establishing a Royal Physical Garden at Chambery, with a Demonstrator
+attached to it; it will be unnecessary to add for whom this office was
+designed.  The situation of this city, in the midst of the Alps, was
+extremely favorable to botany, and as Madam de Warrens was always for
+helping out one project with another, a College of Pharmacy was to be
+added, which really would have been a very useful foundation in so poor a
+country, where apothecaries are almost the only medical practitioners.
+The retreat of the chief physician, Grossi, to Chambery, on the demise of
+King Victor, seemed to favor this idea, or perhaps, first suggest it;
+however this may be, by flattery and attention she set about managing
+Grossi, who, in fact, was not very manageable, being the most caustic and
+brutal, for a man who had any pretensions to the quality of a gentleman,
+that ever I knew.  The reader may judge for himself by two or three
+traits of character, which I shall add by way of specimen.
+
+He assisted one day at a consultation with some other doctors, and among
+the rest, a young gentleman from Annecy, who was physician in ordinary to
+the sick person.  This young man, being but indifferently taught for a
+doctor, was bold enough to differ in opinion from M. Grossi, who only
+answered him by asking him when he should return, which way he meant to
+take, and what conveyance he should make use of?  The other, having
+satisfied Grossi in these particulars, asked him if there was anything he
+could serve him in?  "Nothing, nothing," answered he, "only I shall place
+myself at a window in your way, that I may have the pleasure of seeing an
+ass ride on horseback."  His avarice equalled his riches and want of
+feeling.  One of his friends wanted to borrow some money of him, on good
+security.  "My friend," answered he, shaking him by the arm, and grinding
+his teeth, "Should St. Peter descend from heaven to borrow ten pistoles
+of me, and offer the Trinity as securities, I would not lend them."  One
+day, being invited to dinner with Count Picon, Governor of Savoy, who was
+very religious, he arrived before it was ready, and found his excellency
+busy with his devotions, who proposed to him the same employment; not
+knowing how to refuse, he knelt down with a frightful grimace, but had
+hardly recited two Ave-Marias, when, not being able to contain himself
+any longer, he rose hastily, snatched his hat and cane, and without
+speaking a word, was making toward the door; Count Picon ran after him,
+crying, "Monsieur Grossi!  Monsieur Grossi! stop, there's a most
+excellent ortolan on the spit for you."  "Monsieur le Count," replied the
+other, turning his head, "though you should give me a roasted angel, I
+would not stay."  Such was M. Grossi, whom Madam de Warrens undertook and
+succeeded in civilizing.  Though his time was very much occupied, he
+accustomed himself to come frequently to her house, conceived a
+friendship for Anet, seemed to think him intelligent, spoke of him with
+esteem, and, what would not have been expected of such a brute, affected
+to treat him with respect, wishing to efface the impressions of the past;
+for though Anet was no longer on the footing of a domestic, it was known
+that he had been one, and nothing less than the countenance and example
+of the chief physician was necessary to set an example of respect which
+would not otherwise have been paid him.  Thus Claude Anet, with a black
+coat, a well-dressed wig, a grave, decent behavior, a circumspect
+conduct, and a tolerable knowledge in medical and botanical matters,
+might reasonably have hoped to fill, with universal satisfaction,
+the place of public demonstrator, had the proposed establishment taken
+place.  Grossi highly approved the plan, and only waited an opportunity
+to propose it to the administration, whenever a return of peace should
+permit them to think of useful institutions, and enable them to spare the
+necessary pecuniary supplies.
+
+But this project, whose execution would probably have plunged me into
+botanical studies, for which I am inclined to think Nature designed me,
+failed through one of those unexpected strokes which frequently overthrow
+the best concerted plans.  I was destined to become an example of human
+misery; and it might be said that Providence, who called me by degrees to
+these extraordinary trials, disconcerted every opportunity that could
+prevent my encountering them.
+
+In an excursion which Anet made to the top of the mountain to seek for
+genipi, a scarce plant that grows only on the Alps, and which Monsieur
+Grossi had occasion for, unfortunately he heated himself so much, that he
+was seized with a pleurisy, which the genipi could not relieve, though
+said to be specific in that disorder; and, notwithstanding all the art of
+Grossi (who certainly was very skillful), and all the care of his good
+mistress and myself, he died the fifth day of his disorder, in the most
+cruel agonies.  During his illness he had no exhortations but mine,
+bestowed with such transports of grief and zeal, that had he been in a
+state to understand them, they must have been some consolation to him.
+Thus I lost the firmest friend I ever had; a man estimable and
+extraordinary; in whom Nature supplied the defects of education, and who
+(though in a state of servitude) possessed all the virtues necessary to
+form a great man, which, perhaps, he would have shown himself, and been
+acknowledged, had he lived to fill the situation he seemed so perfectly
+adapted to.
+
+The next day I spoke of him to Madam de Warrens with the most sincere and
+lively affection; when, suddenly, in the midst of our conversation, the
+vile, ungrateful thought occurred, that I should inherit his wardrobe,
+and particularly a handsome black coat, which I thought very becoming.
+As I thought this, I consequently uttered it; for when with her, to think
+and to speak was the same thing.  Nothing could have made her feel more
+forcibly the loss she had sustained, than this unworthy and odious
+observation; disinterestedness and greatness of soul being qualities that
+poor Anet had eminently possessed.  The generous Madam de Warrens turned
+from me, and (without any reply) burst into tears.  Dear and precious
+tears! your reprehension was fully felt; ye ran into my very heart,
+washing from thence even the smallest traces of such despicable and
+unworthy sentiments, never to return.
+
+This loss caused Madam de Warrens as much inconvenience as sorrow,
+since from this moment her affairs were still more deranged.  Anet was
+extremely exact, and kept everything in order; his vigilance was
+universally feared, and this set some bounds to that profusion they were
+too apt to run into; even Madam de Warrens, to avoid his censure,
+kept her dissipation within bounds; his attachment was not sufficient,
+she wished to preserve his esteem, and avoid the just remonstrances he
+sometimes took the liberty to make her, by representing that she
+squandered the property of others as well as her own.  I thought as he
+did, nay, I even sometimes expressed myself to the same effect, but had
+not an equal ascendancy over her, and my advice did not make the same
+impression.  On his decease, I was obliged to occupy his place, for which
+I had as little inclination as abilities, and therefore filled it ill.
+I was not sufficiently careful, and so very timid, that though I
+frequently found fault to myself, I saw ill-management without taking
+courage to oppose it; besides, though I acquired an equal share of
+respect, I had not the same authority.  I saw the disorder that
+prevailed, trembled at it, sometimes complained, but was never attended
+to.  I was too young and lively to have any pretensions to the exercise
+of reason, and when I would have acted the reformer, Madam de Warrens
+calling me her little Mentor, with two or three playful slaps on the
+cheek, reduced me to my natural thoughtlessness.  Notwithstanding,
+an idea of the certain distress in which her ill-regulated expenses,
+sooner or later, must necessarily plunge her, made a stronger impression
+on me since I had become the inspector of her household, and had a better
+opportunity of calculating the inequality that subsisted between her
+income and her expenses.  I even date from this period the beginning of
+that inclination to avarice which I have ever since been sensible of.
+I was never foolishly prodigal, except by intervals; but till then I was
+never concerned whether I had much or little money.  I now began to pay
+more attention to this circumstance, taking care of my purse, and
+becoming mean from a laudable motive; for I only sought to insure Madam
+de Warrens some resources against that catastrophe which I dreaded the
+approach of.  I feared her creditors would seize her pension or that it
+might be discontinued and she reduced to want, when I foolishly imagined
+that the trifle I could save might be of essential service to her; but to
+accomplish this, it was necessary I should conceal what I meant to make a
+reserve of; for it would have been an awkward circumstance, while she was
+perpetually driven to expedients, to have her know that I hoarded money.
+Accordingly, I sought out some hiding-place, where I laid up a few louis,
+resolving to augment this stock from time to time, till a convenient
+opportunity to lay it at her feet; but I was so incautious in the choice
+of my repositories, that she always discovered them, and, to convince me
+that she did so, changed the louis I had concealed for a larger sum in
+different pieces of coin.  Ashamed of these discoveries, I brought back
+to the common purse my little treasure, which she never failed to lay out
+in clothes, or other things for my use, such as a silver hilted sword,
+watch, etc.  Being convinced that I should never succeed in accumulating
+money, and that what I could save would furnish but a very slender
+resource against the misfortune I dreaded, made me wish to place myself
+in such a situation that I might be enabled to provide for her, whenever
+she might chance to be reduced to want.  Unhappily, seeking these
+resources on the side of my inclinations, I foolishly determined to
+consider music as my principal dependence; and ideas of harmony rising in
+my brain, I imagined, that if placed in a proper situation to profit by
+them, I should acquire celebrity, and presently become a modern Orpheus,
+whose mystic sounds would attract all the riches of Peru.
+
+As I began to read music tolerably well, the question was, how I should
+learn composition?  The difficulty lay in meeting with a good master,
+for, with the assistance of my Rameau alone, I despaired of ever being
+able to accomplish it; and, since the departure of M. le Maitre, there
+was nobody in Savoy who understood anything of the principles of harmony.
+
+I am now about to relate another of those inconsequences, which my life
+is full of, and which have so frequently carried me directly from my
+designs, even when I thought myself immediately within reach of them.
+Venture had spoken to me in very high terms of the Abbe Blanchard, who
+had taught him composition; a deserving man, possessed of great talents,
+who was music-master to the cathedral at Besancon, and is now in that
+capacity at the Chapel of Versailles.  I therefore determined to go to
+Besancon, and take some lessons from the Abbe Blanchard, and the idea
+appeared so rational to me, that I soon made Madam de Warrens of the same
+opinion, who immediately set about the preparations for my journey, in
+the same style of profusion with which all her plans were executed.  Thus
+this project for preventing a bankruptcy, and repairing in future the
+waste of dissipation, began by causing her to expend eight hundred
+livres; her ruin being accelerated that I might be put in a condition to
+prevent it.  Foolish as this conduct may appear, the illusion was
+complete on my part, and even on hers, for I was persuaded I should labor
+for her emolument, and she thought she was highly promoting mine.
+
+I expected to find Venture still at Annecy, and promised myself to obtain
+a recommendatory letter from him to the Abbe Blanchard; but he had left
+that place, and I was obliged to content myself in the room of it, with a
+mass in four parts of his composition, which he had left with me.  With
+this slender recommendation I set out for Besancon by the way of Geneva,
+where I saw my relations; and through Nion, where I saw my father, who
+received me in his usual manner, and promised to forward my portmanteau,
+which, as I travelled on horseback, came after me.  I arrived at
+Besancon, and was kindly received by the Abbe Blanchard, who promised me
+his instruction, and offered his services in any other particular.  We
+had just set about our music, when I received a letter from my father,
+informing me that my portmanteau had been seized and confiscated at
+Rousses, a French barrier on the side of Switzerland.  Alarmed at the
+news, I employed the acquaintance I had formed at Besancon, to learn the
+motive of this confiscation.  Being certain there was nothing contraband
+among my baggage, I could not conceive on what pretext it could have been
+seized on; at length, however, I learned the rights of the story, which
+(as it is a very curious one) must not be omitted.
+
+I became acquainted at Chambery with a very worthy old man, from Lyons,
+named Monsieur Duvivier, who had been employed at the Visa, under the
+regency, and for want of other business, now assisted at the Survey.  He
+had lived in the polite world, possessed talents, was good-humored, and
+understood music.  As we both wrote in the same chamber, we preferred
+each other's acquaintance to that of the unlicked cubs that surrounded
+us.  He had some correspondents at Paris, who furnished him with those
+little nothings, those daily novelties, which circulate one knows not
+why, and die one cares not when, without any one thinking of them longer
+than they are heard.  As I sometimes took him to dine with Madam de
+Warrens, he in some measure treated me with respect, and (wishing to
+render himself agreeable) endeavored to make me fond of these trifles,
+for which I naturally had such a distaste, that I never in my life read
+any of them.  Unhappily one of these cursed papers happened to be in the
+waistcoat pocket of a new suit, which I had only worn two or three times
+to prevent its being seized by the commissioners of the customs.  This
+paper contained an insipid Jansenist parody on that beautiful scene in
+Racine's Mithridates: I had not read ten lines of it, but by
+forgetfulness left it in my pocket, and this caused all my necessaries to
+be confiscated.  The commissioners at the head of the inventory of my
+portmanteau, set a most pompous verbal process, in which it was taken for
+granted that this most terrible writing came from Geneva for the sole
+purpose of being printed and distributed in France, and then ran into
+holy invectives against the enemies of God and the Church, and praised
+the pious vigilance of those who had prevented the execution of these
+most infernal machinations.  They doubtless found also that my spirits
+smelt of heresy, for on the strength of this dreadful paper, they were
+all seized, and from that time I never received any account of my
+unfortunate portmanteau.  The revenue officers whom I applied to for this
+purpose required so many instructions, informations, certificates,
+memorials, etc., etc., that, lost a thousand times in the perplexing
+labyrinth, I was glad to abandon them entirely.  I feel a real regret for
+not having preserved this verbal process from the office of Rousses, for
+it was a piece calculated to hold a distinguished rank in the collection
+which is to accompany this Work.
+
+The loss of my necessities immediately brought me back to Chambery,
+without having learned anything of the Abbe Blanchard.  Reasoning with
+myself on the events of this journey, and seeing that misfortunes
+attended all my enterprises, I resolved to attach myself entirely to
+Madam de Warrens, to share her fortune, and distress myself no longer
+about future events, which I could not regulate.  She received me as if I
+had brought back treasures, replaced by degrees my little wardrobe, and
+though this misfortune fell heavy enough on us both, it was forgotten
+almost as suddenly as it arrived.
+
+Though this mischance had rather dampened my musical ardor, I did not
+leave off studying my Rameau, and, by repeated efforts, was at length
+able to understand it, and to make some little attempts at composition,
+the success of which encouraged me to proceed.  The Count de Bellegrade,
+son of the Marquis of Antremont, had returned from Dresden after the
+death of King Augustus.  Having long resided at Paris, he was fond of
+music, and particularly that of Rameau.  His brother, the Count of
+Nangis, played on the violin; the Countess la Tour, their sister, sung
+tolerably: this rendered music the fashion at Chambery, and a kind of
+public concert was established there, the direction of which was at first
+designed for me, but they soon discovered I was not competent to the
+undertaking, and it was otherwise arranged.  Notwithstanding this, I
+continued writing a number of little pieces, in my own way, and, among
+others, a cantata, which gained great approbation; it could not, indeed,
+be called a finished piece, but the airs were written in a style of
+novelty, and produced a good effect, which was not expected from me.
+These gentlemen could not believe that, reading music so indifferently,
+it was possible I should compose any that was passable, and made no doubt
+that I had taken to myself the credit of some other person's labors.
+Monsieur de Nangis, wishing to be assured of this, called on me one
+morning with a cantata of Clerambault's which he had transposed as he
+said, to suit his voice, and to which another bass was necessary, the
+transposition having rendered that of Clerambault impracticable.  I
+answered, it required considerable labor, and could not be done on the
+spot.  Being convinced I only sought an excuse, he pressed me to write at
+least the bass to a recitative: I did so, not well, doubtless, because to
+attempt anything with success I must have both time and freedom, but I
+did it at least according to rule, and he being present, could not doubt
+but I understood the elements of composition.  I did not, therefore, lose
+my scholars, though it hurt my pride that there should be a concert at
+Chambery in which I was not necessary.
+
+About this time, peace being concluded, the French army repassed the
+Alps.  Several officers came to visit Madam de Warrens, and among others
+the Count de Lautrec, Colonel of the regiment of Orleans, since
+Plenipotentiary of Geneva, and afterwards Marshal of France, to whom she
+presented me.  On her recommendation, he appeared to interest himself
+greatly in my behalf, promising a great deal, which he never remembered
+till the last year of his life, when I no longer stood in need of his
+assistance.  The young Marquis of Sennecterre, whose father was then
+ambassador at Turin, passed through Chambery at the same time, and dined
+one day at M. de Menthon's, when I happened to be among the guests.
+After dinner; the discourse turned on music, which the marquis understood
+extremely well.  The opera of 'Jephtha' was then new; he mentioned this
+piece, it was brought him, and he made me tremble by proposing to execute
+it between us.  He opened the book at that celebrated double chorus,
+
+                    La Terra, l'Enfer, le Ciel meme,
+                    Tout tremble devant le Seigneur!
+
+               [The Earth, and Hell, and Heaven itself,
+               tremble before the Lord!]
+
+He said, "How many parts will you take?  I will do these six."  I had not
+yet been accustomed to this trait of French vivacity, and though
+acquainted with divisions, could not comprehend how one man could
+undertake to perform six, or even two parts at the same time.  Nothing
+has cost me more trouble in music than to skip lightly from one part to
+another, and have the eye at once on a whole division.  By the manner in
+which I evaded this trial, he must have been inclined to believe I did
+not understand music, and perhaps it was to satisfy himself in this
+particular that he proposed my noting a song for Mademoiselle de Menthon,
+in such a manner that I could not avoid it.  He sang this song, and I
+wrote from his voice, without giving him much trouble to repeat it.  When
+finished he read my performance, and said (which was very true) that it
+was very correctly noted.  He had observed my embarrassment, and now
+seemed to enhance the merit of this little success.  In reality, I then
+understood music very well, and only wanted that quickness at first sight
+which I possess in no one particular, and which is only to be acquired in
+this art by long and constant practice.  Be that as it may, I was fully
+sensible of his kindness in endeavoring to efface from the minds of
+others, and even from my own, the embarrassment I had experienced on this
+occasion.  Twelve or fifteen years afterwards, meeting this gentleman at
+several houses in Paris, I was tempted to make him recollect this
+anecdote, and show him I still remembered it; but he had lost his sight
+since that time; I feared to give him pain by recalling to his memory how
+useful it formerly had been to him, and was therefore silent on that
+subject.
+
+I now touch on the moment that binds my past existence to the present,
+some friendships of that period, prolonged to the present time, being
+very dear to me, have frequently made me regret that happy obscurity,
+when those who called themselves my friends were really so; loved me for
+myself, through pure good will, and not from the vanity of being
+acquainted with a conspicuous character, perhaps for the secret purpose
+of finding more occasions to injure him.
+
+From this time I date my first acquaintance with my old friend
+Gauffecourt, who, notwithstanding every effort to disunite us, has still
+remained so.--Still remained so!--No, alas!  I have just lost him!--but
+his affection terminated only with his life--death alone could put a
+period to our friendship.  Monsieur de Gauffecourt was one of the most
+amiable men that ever existed; it was impossible to see him without
+affection, or to live with him without feeling a sincere attachment.
+In my life I never saw features more expressive of goodness and serenity,
+or that marked more feeling, more understanding, or inspired greater
+confidence.  However reserved one might be, it was impossible even at
+first sight to avoid being as free with him as if he had been an
+acquaintance of twenty years; for myself, who find so much difficulty
+to be at ease among new faces, I was familiar with him in a moment.
+His manner, accent, and conversation, perfectly suited his features:
+the sound of his voice was clear, full and musical; it was an agreeable
+and expressive bass, which satisfied the ear, and sounded full upon the
+heart.  It was impossible to possess a more equal and pleasing vivacity,
+or more real and unaffected gracefulness, more natural talents, or
+cultivated with greater taste; join to all these good qualities an
+affectionate heart, but loving rather too diffusively, and bestowing his
+favors with too little caution; serving his friends with zeal, or rather
+making himself the friend of every one he could serve, yet contriving
+very dexterously to manage his own affairs, while warmly pursuing the
+interests of others.
+
+Gauffecourt was the son of a clock-maker, and would have been a
+clock-maker himself had not his person and desert called him to a superior
+situation.  He became acquainted with M. de la Closure, the French
+Resident at Geneva, who conceived a friendship for him, and procured him
+some connections at Paris, which were useful, and through whose influence
+he obtained the privilege of furnishing the salts of Valais, which was
+worth twenty thousand livres a year.  This very amply satisfied his
+wishes with respect to fortune, but with regard to women he was more
+difficult; he had to provide for his own happiness, and did what he
+supposed most conducive to it.  What renders his character most
+remarkable, and does him the greatest honor, is, that though connected
+with all conditions, he was universally esteemed and sought after without
+being envied or hated by any one, and I really believe he passed through
+life without a single enemy.--Happy man!
+
+He went every year to the baths of Aix, where the best company from the
+neighboring countries resorted, and being on terms of friendship with all
+the nobility of Savoy, came from Aix to Chambery to see the young Count
+de Bellegarde and his father the Marquis of Antremont.  It was here Madam
+de Warrens introduced me to him, and this acquaintance, which appeared at
+that time to end in nothing, after many years had elapsed, was renewed on
+an occasion which I should relate, when it became a real friendship.
+I apprehend I am sufficiently authorized in speaking of a man to whom I
+was so firmly attached, but I had no personal interest in what concerned
+him; he was so truly amiable, and born with so many natural good
+qualities that, for the honor of human nature, I should think it
+necessary to preserve his memory.  This man, estimable as he certainly
+was, had, like other mortals, some failings, as will be seen hereafter;
+perhaps had it not been so, he would have been less amiable, since,
+to render him as interesting as possible, it was necessary he should
+sometimes act in such a manner as to require a small portion of
+indulgence.
+
+Another connection of the same time, that is not yet extinguished,
+and continues to flatter me with the idea of temporal happiness,
+which it is so difficult to obliterate from the human heart, is Monsieur
+de Conzie, a Savoyard gentleman, then young and amiable, who had a fancy
+to learn music, or rather to be acquainted with the person who taught it.
+With great understanding and taste for polite acquirements, M. de Conzie
+possessed a mildness of disposition which rendered him extremely
+attractive, and my temper being somewhat similar, when it found a
+counterpart, our friendship was soon formed.  The seeds of literature and
+philosophy, which began to ferment in my brain, and only waited for
+culture and emulation to spring up, found in him exactly what was wanting
+to render them prolific.  M. de Conzie had no great inclination to music,
+and even this was useful to me, for the hours destined for lessons were
+passed anyhow rather than musically; we breakfasted, chatted, and read
+new publications, but not a word of music.
+
+The correspondence between Voltaire and the Prince Royal of Prussia, then
+made a noise in the world, and these celebrated men were frequently the
+subject of our conversation, one of whom recently seated on a throne,
+already indicated what he would prove himself hereafter, while the other,
+as much disgraced as he is now admired, made us sincerely lament the
+misfortunes that seemed to pursue him, and which are so frequently the
+appendage of superior talents.  The Prince of Prussia had not been happy
+in his youth, and it appeared that Voltaire was formed never to be so.
+The interest we took in both parties extended to all that concerned them,
+and nothing that Voltaire wrote escaped us.  The inclination I felt for
+these performances inspired me with a desire to write elegantly, and
+caused me to endeavor to imitate the colorings of that author, with whom
+I was so much enchanted.  Some time after, his philosophical letters
+(though certainly not his best work) greatly augmented my fondness for
+study; it was a rising inclination, which, from that time, has never been
+extinguished.
+
+But the moment was not yet arrived when I should give into it entirely;
+my rambling disposition (rather contracted than eradicated) being kept
+alive by our manner of living at Madam de Warrens, which was too
+unsettled for one of my solitary temper.  The crowd of strangers who
+daily swarmed about her from all parts, and the certainty I was in that
+these people sought only to dupe her, each in his particular mode,
+rendered home disagreeable.  Since I had succeeded Anet in the confidence
+of his mistress, I had strictly examined her circumstances, and saw their
+evil tendency with horror.  I had remonstrated a hundred times, prayed,
+argued, conjured, but all to no purpose.  I had thrown myself at her
+feet, and strongly represented the catastrophe that threatened her, had
+earnestly entreated that she would reform her expenses, and begin with
+myself, representing that it was better to suffer something while she was
+yet young, than by multiplying her debts and creditors, expose her old
+age to vexation and misery.
+
+Sensible of the sincerity of my zeal, she was frequently affected, and
+would then make the finest promises in the world: but only let an artful
+schemer arrive, and in an instant all her good resolutions were
+forgotten.  After a thousand proofs of the inefficacy of my
+remonstrances, what remained but to turn away my eyes from the ruin
+I could not prevent; and fly myself from the door I could not guard!
+I made therefore little journeys to Geneva and Lyons, which diverted my
+mind in some measure from this secret uneasiness, though it increased the
+cause by these additional expenses.  I can truly aver that I should have
+acquiesed with pleasure in every retrenchment, had Madam de Warrens
+really profited by it, but being persuaded that what I might refuse
+myself would be distributed among a set of interested villains, I took
+advantage of her easiness to partake with them, and, like the dog
+returning from the shambles, carried off a portion of that morsel which I
+could not protect.
+
+Pretences were not wanting for all these journeys; even Madam de Warrens
+would alone have supplied me with more than were necessary, having plenty
+of connections, negotiations, affairs, and commissions, which she wished
+to have executed by some trusty hand.  In these cases she usually applied
+to me; I was always willing to go, and consequently found occasions
+enough to furnish out a rambling kind of life.  These excursions procured
+me some good connections, which have since been agreeable or useful to
+me.  Among others, I met at Lyons, with M. Perrichon, whose friendship I
+accuse myself with not having sufficiently cultivated, considering the
+kindness he had for me; and that of the good Parisot, which I shall speak
+of in its place, at Grenoble, that of Madam Deybens and Madam la
+Presidente de Bardonanche, a woman of great understanding, and who would
+have entertained a friendship for me had it been in my power to have seen
+her oftener; at Geneva, that of M. de Closure, the French Resident, who
+often spoke to me of my mother, the remembrance of whom neither death nor
+time had erased from his heart; likewise those of the two Barillots, the
+father, who was very amiable, a good companion, and one of the most
+worthy men I ever met, calling me his grandson.  During the troubles of
+the republic, these two citizens took contrary sides, the son siding with
+the people, the father with the magistrates.  When they took up arms in
+1737, I was at Geneva, and saw the father and son quit the same house
+armed, the one going to the townhouse, the other to his quarters, almost
+certain to meet face to face in the course of two hours, and prepared to
+give or receive death from each other.  This unnatural sight made so
+lively an impression on me, that I solemnly vowed never to interfere in
+any civil war, nor assist in deciding our internal dispute by arms,
+either personally or by my influence, should I ever enter into my rights
+as a citizen.  I can bring proofs of having kept this oath on a very
+delicate occasion, and it will be confessed (at least I should suppose
+so) that this moderation was of some worth.
+
+But I had not yet arrived at that fermentation of patriotism which the
+first sight of Geneva in arms has since excited in my heart, as may be
+conjectured by a very grave fact that will not tell to my advantage,
+which I forgot to put in its proper place, but which ought not to be
+omitted.
+
+My uncle Bernard died at Carolina, where he had been employed some years
+in the building of Charles Town, which he had formed the plan of.  My
+poor cousin, too, died in the Prussian service; thus my aunt lost, nearly
+at the same period, her son and husband.  These losses reanimated in some
+measure her affection for the nearest relative she had remaining, which
+was myself.  When I went to Geneva, I reckoned her house my home, and
+amused myself with rummaging and turning over the books and papers my
+uncle had left.  Among them I found some curious ones, and some letters
+which they certainly little thought of.  My aunt, who set no store by
+these dusty papers, would willingly have given the whole to me, but I
+contented myself with two or three books, with notes written by the
+Minister Bernard, my grandfather, and among the rest, the posthumous
+works of Rohault in quarto, the margins of which were full of excellent
+commentaries, which gave me an inclination to the mathematics.  This book
+remained among those of Madam de Warrens, and I have since lamented that
+I did not preserve it.  To these I added five or six memorials in
+manuscript, and a printed one, composed by the famous Micheli Ducret, a
+man of considerable talents, being both learned and enlightened, but too
+much, perhaps, inclined to sedition, for which he was cruelly treated by
+the magistrates of Geneva, and lately died in the fortress of Arberg,
+where he had been confined many years, for being, as it was said,
+concerned in the conspiracy of Berne.
+
+This memorial was a judicious critique on the extensive but ridiculous
+plan of fortification, which had been adopted at Geneva, though censured
+by every person of judgment in the art, who was unacquainted with the
+secret motives of the council, in the execution of this magnificent
+enterprise.  Monsieur de Micheli, who had been excluded from the
+committee of fortification for having condemned this plan, thought that,
+as a citizen, and a member of the two hundred, he might give his advice,
+at large, and therefore, did so in this memorial, which he was imprudent
+enough to have printed, though he never published it, having only those
+copies struck off which were meant for the two hundred, and which were
+all intercepted at the post-house by order of the Senate.
+
+     [The grand council of Geneva in December, 1728, pronounced this
+     paper highly disrespectful to the councils, and injurious to the
+     committee of fortification.]
+
+I found this memorial among my uncle's papers, with the answer he had
+been ordered to make to it, and took both.  This was soon after I had
+left my place at the survey, and I yet remained on good terms with the
+Counsellor de Coccelli, who had the management of it.  Some time after,
+the director of the custom-house entreated me to stand godfather to his
+child, with Madam Coccelli, who was to be godmother: proud of being
+placed on such terms of equality with the counsellor, I wished to assume
+importance, and show myself worthy of that honor.
+
+Full of this idea, I thought I could do nothing better than show him
+Micheli's memorial, which was really a scarce piece, and would prove I
+was connected with people of consequence in Geneva, who were intrusted
+with the secrets of the state, yet by a kind of reserve which I should
+find it difficult to account for, I did not show him my uncle's answer,
+perhaps, because it was manuscript, and nothing less than print was
+worthy to approach the counsellor.  He understood, however, so well the
+importance of this paper, which I had the folly to put into his hands,
+that I could never after get it into my possession, and being convinced
+that every effort for that purpose would be ineffectual, I made a merit
+of my forbearance, transforming the theft into a present.  I made no
+doubt that this writing (more curious, however, than useful) answered his
+purpose at the court of Turin, where probably he took care to be
+reimbursed in some way or other for the expense which the acquisition of
+it might be supposed to have cost him.  Happily, of all future
+contingencies, the least probable, is, that ever the King of Sardina
+should besiege Geneva, but as that event is not absolutely impossible, I
+shall ever reproach my foolish vanity with having been the means of
+pointing out the greatest defects of that city to its most ancient enemy.
+
+I passed three or four years in this manner, between music, magestry,
+projects, and journeys, floating incessantly from one object to another,
+and wishing to fix though I knew not on what, but insensibly inclining
+towards study.  I was acquainted with men of letters, I had heard them
+speak of literature, and sometimes mingled in the conversation, yet
+rather adopted the jargon of books, than the knowledge they contained.
+In my excursions to Geneva, I frequently called on my good old friend
+Monsieur Simon, who greatly promoted my rising emulation by fresh news
+from the republic of letters, extracted from Baillet or Colomies.  I
+frequently saw too, at Chambery, a Dominican professor of physic, a good
+kind of friar, whose name I have forgotten, who often made little
+chemical experiments which greatly amused me.  In imitation of him, I
+attempted to make some sympathetic ink, and having for that purpose more
+than half filled a bottle with quicklime, orpiment, and water, the
+effervescence immediately became extremely violent; I ran to unstop the
+bottle, but had not time to effect it, for, during the attempt, it burst
+in my face like a bomb, and I swallowed so much of the orpiment and lime,
+that it nearly cost me my life.  I remained blind for six weeks, and by
+the event of this experiment learned to meddle no more with experimental
+Chemistry while the elements were unknown to me.
+
+This adventure happened very unluckily for my health, which, for some
+time past, had been visibly on the decline.  This was rather
+extraordinary, as I was guilty of no kind of excess; nor could it have
+been expected from my make, for my chest, being well formed and rather
+capacious, seemed to give my lungs full liberty to play; yet I was short
+breathed, felt a very sensible oppression, sighed involuntarily, had
+palpitations of the heart, and spitting of blood, accompanied with a
+lingering fever, which I have never since entirely overcome.  How is it
+possible to fall into such a state in the flower of one's age, without
+any inward decay, or without having done anything to destroy health?
+
+It is sometimes said, "the sword wears the scabbard," this was truly the
+case with me: the violence of my passions both kept me alive and hastened
+my dissolution.  What passions?  will be asked: mere nothings: the most
+trivial objects in nature, but which affected me as forcibly as if the
+acquisition of a Helen, or the throne of the universe were at stake.
+My senses, for instance, were at ease with one woman, but my heart never
+was, and the necessities of love consumed me in the very bosom of
+happiness.  I had a tender, respected and lovely friend, but I sighed for
+a mistress; my prolific fancy painted her as such, and gave her a
+thousand forms, for had I conceived that my endearments had been lavished
+on Madam de Warrens, they would not have been less tender, though
+infinitely more tranquil.  But is it possible for man to taste, in their
+utmost extent, the delights of love?  I cannot tell, but I am persuaded
+my frail existence would have sunk under the weight of them.
+
+I was, therefore, dying for love without an object, and this state,
+perhaps, is, of all others, the most dangerous.  I was likewise uneasy,
+tormented at the bad state of poor Madam de Warrens' circumstances, and
+the imprudence of her conduct, which could not fail to bring them, in a
+short time, to total ruin.  My tortured imagination (which ever paints
+misfortunes in the extremity) continually beheld this in its utmost
+excess, and in all the horror of its consequences.  I already saw myself
+forced by want to quit her--to whom I had consecrated my future life, and
+without whom I could not hope for happiness: thus was my soul continually
+agitated, and hopes and fears devoured me alternately.
+
+Music was a passion less turbulent, but not less consuming, from the
+ardor with which I attached myself to it, by the obstinate study of the
+obscure books of Rameau; by an invincible resolution to charge my memory
+with rules it could not contain; by continual application, and by long
+and immense compilations which I frequently passed whole nights in
+copying: but why dwell on these particularly, while every folly that took
+possession of my wandering brain, the most transient ideas of a single
+day, a journey, a concert, a supper, a walk, a novel to read, a play to
+see, things in the world the least premeditated in my pleasures or
+occupation became for me the most violent passions, which by their
+ridiculous impetuosity conveyed the most serious torments; even the
+imaginary misfortunes of Cleveland, read with avidity and frequent
+interruption, have, I am persuaded, disordered me more than my own.
+
+There was a Genevese, named Bagueret, who had been employed under Peter
+the Great, of the court of Russia, one of the most worthless, senseless
+fellows I ever met with; full of projects as foolish as himself, which
+were to rain down millions on those who took part in them.  This man,
+having come to Chambery on account of some suit depending before the
+senate, immediately got acquainted with Madam de Warrens, and with great
+reason on his side, since for those imaginary treasures that cost him
+nothing, and which he bestowed with the utmost prodigality, he gained,
+in exchange, the unfortunate crown pieces one by one out of her pocket.
+I did not like him, and he plainly perceived this, for with me it is not
+a very difficult discovery, nor did he spare any sort of meanness to gain
+my good will, and among other things proposed teaching me to play at
+chess, which game he understood something of.  I made an attempt, though
+almost against my inclination, and after several efforts, having learned
+the march, my progress was so rapid, that before the end of the first
+sitting I gave him the rook, which in the beginning he had given me.
+Nothing more was necessary; behold me fascinated with chess!  I buy a
+board, with the rest of the apparatus, and shutting myself up in my
+chamber, pass whole days and nights in studying all the varieties of the
+game, being determined by playing alone, without end or relaxation, to
+drive them into my head, right or wrong.  After incredible efforts,
+during two or three months passed in this curious employment, I go to the
+coffee-house, thin, sallow, and almost stupid; I seat myself, and again
+attack M. Bagueret: he beats me, once, twice, twenty times; so many
+combinations were fermenting in my head, and my imagination was so
+stupefied, that all appeared confusion.  I tried to exercise myself with
+Phitidor's or Stamina's book of instructions, but I was still equally
+perplexed, and, after having exhausted myself with fatigue, was further
+to seek than ever, and whether I abandoned my chess for a time, or
+resolved to surmount every difficulty by unremitted practice, it was the
+same thing.  I could never advance one step beyond the improvement of the
+first sitting, nay, I am convinced that had I studied it a thousand ages,
+I should have ended by being able to give Bagueret the rook and nothing
+more.
+
+It will be said my time was well employed, and not a little of it passed
+in this occupation, nor did I quit my first essay till unable to persist
+in it, for on leaving my apartment I had the appearance of a corpse, and
+had I continued this course much longer I should certainly have been one.
+
+Any one will allow that it would have been extraordinary, especially in
+the ardor of youth, that such a head should suffer the body to enjoy
+continued health; the alteration of mine had an effect on my temper,
+moderating the ardor of my chimerical fancies, for as I grew weaker they
+became more tranquil, and I even lost, in some measure, my rage for
+travelling.  I was not seized with heaviness, but melancholy; vapors
+succeeded passions, languor became sorrow: I wept and sighed without
+cause, and felt my life ebbing away before I had enjoyed it.  I only
+trembled to think of the situation in which I should leave my dear Madam
+de Warrens; and I can truly say, that quitting her, and leaving her in
+these melancholy circumstances, was my only concern.  At length I fell
+quite ill, and was nursed by her as never mother nursed a child.  The
+care she took of me was of real utility to her affairs, since it diverted
+her mind from schemes, and kept projectors at a distance.  How pleasing
+would death have been at that time, when, if I had not tasted many of the
+pleasures of life, I had felt but few of its misfortunes.  My tranquil
+soul would have taken her flight, without having experienced those cruel
+ideas of the injustice of mankind which embitters both life and death.
+I should have enjoyed the sweet consolation that I still survived in the
+dearer part of myself: in the situation I then was, it could hardly be
+called death; and had I been divested of my uneasiness on her account,
+it would have appeared but a gentle sleep; yet even these disquietudes
+had such an affectionate and tender turn, that their bitterness was
+tempered by a pleasing sensibility.  I said to her, "You are the
+depository of my whole being, act so that I may be happy."  Two or three
+times, when my disorder was most violent, I crept to her apartment to
+give her my advice respecting her future conduct; and I dare affirm these
+admonitions were both wise and equitable, in which the interest I took in
+her future concerns was strongly marked.  As if tears had been both
+nourishment and medicine, I found myself the better for those I shed with
+her, while seated on her bed-side, and holding her hands between mine.
+The hours crept insensibly away in these nocturnal discourses; I returned
+to my chamber better than I had quitted it, being content and calmed by
+the promises she made, and the hopes with which she had inspired me:
+I slept on them with my heart at peace, and fully resigned to the
+dispensations of Providence.  God grant, that after having had so many
+reasons to hate life, after being agitated with so many storms, after it
+has even become a burden, that death, which must terminate all, may be no
+more terrible than it would have been at that moment!
+
+By inconceivable care and vigilance, she saved my life; and I am
+convinced she alone could have done this.  I have little faith in the
+skill of physicians, but depend greatly on the assistance of real
+friends, and am persuaded that being easy in those particulars on which
+our happiness depends, is more salutary than any other application.  If
+there is a sensation in life peculiarly delightful, we experienced it in
+being restored to each other; our mutual attachment did not increase, for
+that was impossible, but it became, I know not how, more exquisitely
+tender, fresh softness being added to its former simplicity.  I became in
+a manner her work; we got into the habit, though without design, of being
+continually with each other, and enjoying, in some measure, our whole
+existence together, feeling reciprocally that we were not only necessary,
+but entirely sufficient for each other's happiness.  Accustomed to think
+of no subject foreign to ourselves, our happiness and all our desires
+were confined to that pleasing and singular union, which, perhaps, had no
+equal, which is not, as I have before observed, love, but a sentiment
+inexpressibly more intimate, neither depending on the senses, age, nor
+figure, but an assemblage of every endearing sensation that composes our
+rational existence and which can cease only with our being.
+
+How was it that this delightful crisis did not secure our mutual felicity
+for the remainder of her life and mine?  I have the consoling conviction
+that it was not my fault; nay, I am persuaded, she did not wilfully
+destroy it; the invincible peculiarity of my disposition was doomed soon
+to regain its empire; but this fatal return was not suddenly
+accomplished, there was, thank Heaven, a short but precious interval,
+that did not conclude by my fault, and which I cannot reproach myself
+with having employed amiss.
+
+Though recovered from my dangerous illness, I did not regain my strength;
+my stomach was weak, some remains of the fever kept me in a languishing
+condition, and the only inclination I was sensible of, was to end my days
+near one so truly dear to me; to confirm her in those good resolutions
+she had formed; to convince her in what consisted the real charms of a
+happy life, and, as far as depended on me, to render hers so; but I
+foresaw that in a gloomy, melancholy house, the continual solitude of our
+tete-a-tetes would at length become too dull and monotonous: a remedy
+presented itself: Madam de Warrens had prescribed milk for me, and
+insisted that I should take it in the country; I consented, provided she
+would accompany me; nothing more was necessary to gain her compliance,
+and whither we should go was all that remained to be determined on.  Our
+garden (which I have before mentioned) was not properly in the country,
+being surrounded by houses and other gardens, and possessing none of
+those attractions so desirable in a rural retreat; besides, after the
+death of Anet, we had given up this place from economical principles,
+feeling no longer a desire to rear plants, and other views making us not
+regret the loss of that little retreat.  Improving the distaste I found
+she began to imbibe for the town, I proposed to abandon it entirely, and
+settle ourselves in an agreeable solitude, in some small house, distant
+enough from the city to avoid the perpetual intrusion of her hangers-on.
+She followed my advice, and this plan, which her good angel and mine
+suggested, might fully have secured our happiness and tranquility till
+death had divided us--but this was not the state we were appointed to;
+Madam de Warrens was destined to endure all the sorrows of indigence and
+poverty, after having passed the former part of her life in abundance,
+that she might learn to quit it with the less regret; and myself, by an
+assemblage of misfortunes of all kinds, was to become a striking example
+to those who, inspired with a love of justice and the public good, and
+trusting too implicitly to their own innocence, shall openly dare to
+assert truth to mankind, unsupported by cabals, or without having
+previously formed parties to protect them.
+
+An unhappy fear furnished some objections to our plan: she did not dare
+to quit her ill-contrived house, for fear of displeasing the proprietor.
+"Your proposed retirement is charming," said she, "and much to my taste,
+but we are necessitated to remain here, for, on quitting this dungeon,
+I hazard losing the very means of life, and when these fail us in the
+woods, we must again return to seek them in the city.  That we may have
+the least possible cause for being reduced to this necessity, let us not
+leave this house entirely, but pay a small pension to the Count of
+Saint-Laurent, that he may continue mine.  Let us seek some little
+habitation, far enough from the town to be at peace, yet near enough to
+return when it may appear convenient."
+
+This mode was finally adopted; and after some small search, we fixed at
+Charmettes, on an estate belonging to M. de Conzie, at a very small
+distance from Chambery; but as retired and solitary as if it had been a
+hundred leagues off.  The spot we had concluded on was a valley between
+two tolerably high hills, which ran north and south; at the bottom, among
+the trees and pebbles, ran a rivulet, and above the declivity, on either
+side, were scattered a number of houses, forming altogether a beautiful
+retreat for those who love a peaceful romantic asylum.  After having
+examined two or three of these houses, we chose that which we thought the
+most pleasing, which was the property of a gentleman of the army, called
+M. Noiret.  This house was in good condition, before it a garden, forming
+a terrace; below that on the declivity an orchard, and on the ascent,
+behind the house, a vineyard: a little wood of chestnut trees opposite; a
+fountain just by, and higher up the hill, meadows for the cattle; in
+short, all that could be thought necessary for the country retirement we
+proposed to establish.  To the best of my remembrance, we took possession
+of it toward the latter end of the summer Of 1736.  I was delighted on
+going to sleep there--"Oh!"  said I, to this dear friend, embracing her
+with tears of tenderness and delight, "this is the abode of happiness and
+innocence; if we do not find them here together it will be in vain to
+seek them elsewhere."
+
+
+
+
+
+End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Confessions of J. J. Rousseau,
+Book V., by Jean Jacques Rousseau
+
+*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK ROUSSEAU ***
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+The Project Gutenberg Etext of The Confessions of J. J. Rousseau, Book 5
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+Title: The Confessions of J. J. Rousseau, Book 5
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+
+
+THE CONFESSIONS OF JEAN JACQUES ROUSSEAU
+(In 12 books)
+
+Privately Printed for the Members of the Aldus Society
+
+London, 1903
+
+
+
+BOOK V.
+
+
+It was, I believe, in 1732, that I arrived at Chambery, as already
+related, and began my employment of registering land for the king.  I was
+almost twenty-one, my mind well enough formed for my age, with respect to
+sense, but very deficient in point of judgment, and needing every
+instruction from those into whose hands I fell, to make me conduct myself
+with propriety; for a few years' experience had not been able to cure me
+radically of my romantic ideas; and notwithstanding the ills I had
+sustained, I knew as little of the world, or mankind, as if I had never
+purchased instruction.  I slept at home, that is, at the house of Madam
+de Warrens; but it was not as at Annecy: here were no gardens, no brook,
+no landscape; the house was dark and dismal, and my apartment the most
+gloomy of the whole.  The prospect a dead wall, an alley instead of a
+street, confined air, bad light, small rooms, iron bars, rats, and a
+rotten floor; an assemblage of circumstances that do not constitute a
+very agreeable habitation; but I was in the same house with my best
+friend, incessantly near her, at my desk, or in chamber, so that I could
+not perceive the gloominess of my own, or have time to think of it.
+It may appear whimsical that she should reside at Chambery on purpose to
+live in this disagreeable house; but it was a trait of contrivance which
+I ought not to pass over in silence.  She had no great inclination for a
+journey to Turin, fearing that after the recent revolutions, and the
+agitation in which the court yet was, she should not be very favorably
+received there; but her affairs seemed to demand her presence, as she
+feared being forgotten or ill-treated, particularly as the Count de
+Saint-Laurent, Intendent-general of the Finances, was not in her
+interest.  He had an old house in Chambery, ill-built, and standing in so
+disagreeable a situation that it was always untenanted; she hired, and
+settled in this house, a plan that succeeded much better than a journey
+to Turin would have done, for her pension was not suppressed, and the
+Count de Saint-Laurent was ever after one of her best friends.
+
+Her household was much on the old footing; her faithful Claude Anet still
+remained with her.  He was, as I have before mentioned, a peasant of
+Moutru, who in his childhood had gathered herbs in Jura for the purpose
+of making Swiss tea; she had taken him into her service for his knowledge
+of drugs, finding it convenient to have a herbalist among her domestics.
+Passionately fond of the study of plants, he became a real botanist, and
+had he not died young, might have acquired as much fame in that science
+as he deserved for being an honest man.  Serious even to gravity, and
+older than myself, he was to me a kind of tutor, commanding respect, and
+preserving me from a number of follies, for I dared not forget myself
+before him.  He commanded it likewise from his mistress, who knew his
+understanding, uprightness, and inviolable attachment to herself, and
+returned it.  Claude Anet was of an uncommon temper.  I never encountered
+a similar disposition: he was slow, deliberate, and circumspect in his
+conduct; cold in his manner; laconic and sententious in his discourse;
+yet of an impetuosity in his passions, which (though careful to conceal)
+preyed upon him inwardly, and urged him to the only folly he ever
+committed; that folly, indeed was terrible, it was poisoning himself.
+This tragic scene passed soon after my arrival, and opened my eyes to the
+intimacy that subsisted between Claude Anet and his mistress, for had not
+the information come from her, I should never have suspected it; yet,
+surely, if attachment, fidelity, and zeal, could merit such a recompense,
+it was due to him, and what further proves him worthy such a distinction,
+he never once abused her confidence.  They seldom disputed, and their
+disagreements ever ended amicably; one, indeed, was not so fortunate;
+his mistress, in a passion, said something affronting, which not being
+able to digest, he consulted only with despair, and finding a bottle of
+laudanum at hand, drank it off; then went peaceably to bed, expecting to
+awake no more.  Madam de Warrens herself was uneasy, agitated, wandering
+about the house and happily--finding the phial empty--guessed the rest.
+Her screams, while flying to his assistance, alarmed me; she confessed
+all, implored my help, and was fortunate enough, after repeated efforts,
+to make him throw up the laudanum.  Witness of this scene, I could not
+but wonder at my stupidity in never having suspected the connection; but
+Claude Anet was so discreet, that a more penetrating observer might have
+been deceived.  Their reconciliation affected me, and added respect to
+the esteem I before felt for him.  From this time I became, in some
+measure, his pupil, nor did I find myself the worse for his instruction.
+
+I could not learn, without pain, that she lived in greater intimacy with
+another than with myself: it was a situation I had not even thought of,
+but (which was very natural) it hurt me to see another in possession of
+it.  Nevertheless, instead of feeling any aversion to the person who had
+this advantage over me, I found the attachment I felt for her actually
+extend to him.  I desired her happiness above all things, and since he
+was concerned in her plan of felicity, I was content he should be happy
+likewise.  Meantime he perfectly entered into the views of his mistress;
+conceived a sincere friendship for me, and without affecting the
+authority his situation might have entitled him to, he naturally
+possessed that which his superior judgment gave him over mine.  I dared
+do nothing he disproved of, but he was sure to disapprove only what
+merited disapprobation: thus we lived in an union which rendered us
+mutually happy, and which death alone could dissolve.
+
+One proof of the excellence of this amiable woman's character, is, that
+all those who loved her, loved each other; even jealousy and rivalship
+submitting to the more powerful sentiment with which she inspired them,
+and I never saw any of those who surrounded her entertain the least ill
+will among themselves.  Let the reader pause a moment on this encomium,
+and if he can recollect any other woman who deserves it, let him attach
+himself to her, if he would obtain happiness.
+
+From my arrival at Chambery to my departure for Paris, 1741, included an
+interval of eight or nine years, during which time I have few adventures
+to relate; my life being as simple as it was agreeable.  This uniformity
+was precisely what was most wanting to complete the formation of my
+character, which continual troubles had prevented from acquiring any
+degree of stability.  It was during this pleasing interval, that my
+unconnected, unfinished education, gained consistence, and made me what I
+have unalterably remained amid the storms with which I have since been
+surrounded.
+
+The progress was slow, almost imperceptible, and attended by few
+memorable circumstances; yet it deserves to be followed and investigated.
+
+At first, I was wholly occupied with my business, the constraint of a
+desk left little opportunity for other thoughts, the small portion of
+time I was at liberty was passed with my dear Madam de Warrens, and not
+having leisure to read, I felt no inclination for it; but when my
+business (by daily repetition) became familiar, and my mind was less
+occupied, study again became necessary, and (as my desires were ever
+irritated by any difficulty that opposed the indulgence of them) might
+once more have become a passion, as at my master's, had not other
+inclinations interposed and diverted it.
+
+Though our occupation did not demand a very profound skill in arithmetic,
+it sometimes required enough to puzzle me.  To conquer this difficulty,
+I purchased books which treated on that science, and learned well, for I
+now studied alone.  Practical arithmetic extends further than is usually
+supposed if you would attain exact precision.  There are operations of
+extreme length in which I have sometimes seen good geometricians lose
+themselves.  Reflection, assisted by practice, gives clear ideas, and
+enables you to devise shorter methods, these inventions flatter our self-
+complacency, while their exactitude satisfies our understanding, and
+renders a study pleasant, which is, of itself, heavy and unentertaining.
+At length I became so expert as not to be puzzled by any question that
+was solvable by arithmetical calculation; and even now, while everything
+I formerly knew fades daily on my memory, this acquirement, in a great
+measure remains, through an interval of thirty years.  A few days ago,
+in a journey I made to Davenport, being with my host at an arithmetical
+lesson given his children, I did (with pleasure, and without errors) a
+most complicated work.  While setting down my figures, methought I was
+still at Chambery, still in my days of happiness--how far had I to look
+back for them!
+
+The colored plans of our geometricians had given me a taste for drawing:
+accordingly I bought colors, and began by attempting flowers and
+landscapes.  It was unfortunate that I had not talents for this art,
+for my inclination was much disposed to it, and while surrounded with
+crayons, pencils, and colors, I could have passed whole months without
+wishing to leave them.  This amusement engaged me so much that they were
+obliged to force me from it; and thus it is with every inclination I give
+into, it continues to augment, till at length it becomes so powerful,
+that I lose sight of everything except the favorite amusement.  Years
+have not been able to cure me of that fault, nay, have not even
+diminished it; for while I am writing this, behold me, like an old
+dotard, infatuated with another, to me useless study, which I do not
+understand, and which even those who have devoted their youthful days to
+the acquisition of, are constrained to abandon, at the age I am beginning
+with it.
+
+At that time, the study I am now speaking of would have been well placed,
+the opportunity was good, and I had some temptation to profit by it; for
+the satisfaction I saw in the eyes of Anet, when he came home loaded with
+new discovered plants, set me two or three times on the point of going to
+herbalize with him, and I am almost certain that had I gone once,
+I should have been caught, and perhaps at this day might have been an
+excellent botanist, for I know no study more congenial to my natural
+inclination, than that of plants; the life I have led for these ten years
+past, in the country, being little more than a continual herbalizing,
+though I must confess, without object, and without improvement; but at
+the time I am now speaking of I had no inclination for botany, nay,
+I even despised, and was disgusted at the idea, considering it only as a
+fit study for an apothecary.  Madam de Warrens was fond of it merely for
+this purpose, seeking none but common plants to use in her medical
+preparations; thus botany, chemistry, and anatomy were confounded in my
+idea under the general denomination of medicine, and served to furnish me
+with pleasant sarcasms the whole day, which procured me, from time to
+time, a box on the ear, applied by Madam de Warrens.  Besides this, a
+very contrary taste grew up with me, and by degrees absorbed all others;
+this was music.  I was certainly born for that science, I loved it from
+my infancy, and it was the only inclination I have constantly adhered to;
+but it is astonishing that what nature seemed to have designed me for
+should have cost so much pains to learn, and that I should acquire it so
+slowly, that after a whole life spent in the practice of this art,
+I could never attain to sing with any certainty at sight.  What rendered
+the study of music more agreeable to me at that time, was, being able to
+practise it with Madam de Warrens.  In other respects our tastes were
+widely different: this was a point of coincidence, which I loved to avail
+myself of.  She had no more objection to this than myself.  I knew at
+that time almost as much of it as she did, and after two or three
+efforts, we could make shift to decipher an air.  Sometimes, when I saw
+her busy at her furnace, I have said, "Here now is a charming duet, which
+seems made for the very purpose of spoiling your drugs;" her answer would
+be, "If you make me burn them, I'll make you eat them:" thus disputing, I
+drew her to the harpsichord; the furnace was presently forgotten, the
+extract of juniper or wormwood calcined (which I cannot recollect without
+transport), and these scenes usually ended by her smearing my face with
+the remains of them.
+
+It may easily be conjectured that I had plenty of employment to fill up
+my leisure hours; one amusement, however, found room, that was well worth
+all the rest.
+
+We lived in such a confined dungeon, that it was necessary sometimes to
+breathe the open air; Anet, therefore, engaged Madam de Warrens to hire a
+garden in the suburbs, both for this purpose and the convenience of
+rearing plants, etc.; to this garden was added a summer--house, which was
+furnished in the customary manner; we sometimes dined, and I frequently
+slept, there.  Insensibly I became attached to this little retreat,
+decorated it with books and prints, spending part of my time in
+ornamenting it during the absence of Madam de Warrens, that I might
+surprise her the more agreeably on her return.  Sometimes I quitted this
+dear friend, that I might enjoy the uninterrupted pleasure of thinking on
+her; this was a caprice I can neither excuse nor fully explain, I only
+know this really was the case, and therefore I avow it.  I remember Madam
+de Luxembourg told me one day in raillery, of a man who used to leave his
+mistress that he might enjoy the satisfaction of writing to her; I
+answered, I could have been this man; I might have added, That I had done
+the very same.
+
+I did not, however, find it necessary to leave Madam de Warrens that I
+might love her the more ardently, for I was ever as perfectly free with
+her as when alone; an advantage I never enjoyed with any other person,
+man or woman, however I might be attached to them; but she was so often
+surrounded by company who were far from pleasing me, that spite and
+weariness drove me to this asylum, where I could indulge the idea,
+without danger of being interrupted by impertinence.  Thus, my time being
+divided between business, pleasure, and instruction, my life passed in
+the most absolute serenity.  Europe was not equally tranquil: France and
+the emperor had mutually declared war, the King of Sardinia had entered
+into the quarrel, and a French army had filed off into Piedmont to awe
+the Milanese.  Our division passed through Chambery, and, among others,
+the regiment of Champaigne, whose colonel was the Duke de la Trimouille,
+to whom I was presented.  He promised many things, but doubtless never
+more thought of me.  Our little garden was exactly at the end of the
+suburb by which the troops entered, so that I could fully satisfy my
+curiosity in seeing them pass, and I became as anxious for the success of
+the war as if it had nearly concerned me.  Till now I had never troubled
+myself about politics, for the first time I began reading the gazettes,
+but with so much partiality on the side of France, that my heart beat
+with rapture on its most trifling advantages, and I was as much afflicted
+on a reverse of fortune, as if I had been particularly concerned.
+
+Had this folly been transient, I should not, perhaps, have mentioned it,
+but it took such root in my heart (without any reasonable cause) that
+when I afterwards acted the anti-despot and proud republican at Paris, in
+spite of myself, I felt a secret predilection for the nation I declared
+servile, and for that government I affected to oppose.  The pleasantest
+of all was that, ashamed of an inclination so contrary to my professed
+maxims, I dared not own it to any one, but rallied the French on their
+defeats, while my heart was more wounded than their own.  I am certainly
+the first man, that, living with a people who treated him well, and whom
+he almost adored, put on, even in their own country, a borrowed air of
+despising them; yet my original inclination is so powerful, constant,
+disinterested, and invincible, that even since my quitting that kingdom,
+since its government, magistrates, and authors, have outvied each other
+in rancor against me, since it has become fashionable to load me with
+injustice and abuse, I have not been able to get rid of this folly, but
+notwithstanding their ill-treatment, love them in spite of myself.
+
+I long sought the cause of this partiality, but was never able to find
+any, except in the occasion that gave it birth.  A rising taste for
+literature attached me to French books, to their authors, and their
+country: at the very moment the French troops were passing Chambery, I
+was reading Brantome's 'Celebrated Captains'; my head was full of the
+Clissons, Bayards, Lautrecs Colignys, Monlmoreneys, and Trimouille, and I
+loved their descendants as the heirs of their merit and courage.  In each
+regiment that passed by methought I saw those famous black bands who had
+formerly done so many noble exploits in Piedmont; in fine, I applied to
+these all the ideas I had gathered from books; my reading continued,
+which, still drawn from the same nation, nourished my affection for that
+country, till, at length, it became a blind passion, which nothing could
+overcome.  I have had occasion to remark several times in the course of
+my travels, that this impression was not peculiar to me for France, but
+was more or less active in every country, for that part of the nation who
+were fond of literature, and cultivated learning; and it was this
+consideration that balanced in my mind the general hatred which the
+conceited air of the French is so apt to inspire.  Their romances, more
+than their men, attract the women of all countries, and the celebrated
+dramatic pieces of France create a fondness in youth for their theaters;
+the reputation which that of Paris in particular has acquired, draws to
+it crowds of strangers, who return enthusiasts to their own country: in
+short, the excellence of their literature captivates the senses, and in
+the unfortunate war just ended, I have seen their authors and
+philosophers maintain the glory of France, so tarnished by its warriors.
+
+I was, therefore, an ardent Frenchman; this rendered me a politician, and
+I attended in the public square, amid a throng of news-mongers, the
+arrival of the post, and, sillier than the ass in the fable, was very
+uneasy to know whose packsaddle I should next have the honor to carry,
+for it was then supposed we should belong to France, and that Savoy would
+be exchanged for Milan.  I must confess, however, that I experienced some
+uneasiness, for had this war terminated unfortunately for the allies, the
+pension of Madam de Warrens would have been in a dangerous situation;
+nevertheless, I had great confidence in my good friends, the French, and
+for once (in spite of the surprise of M. de Broglio) my confidence was
+not ill-founded--thanks to the King of Sardinia, whom I had never thought
+of.
+
+While we were fighting in Italy, they were singing in France: the operas
+of Rameau began to make a noise there, and once more raise the credit of
+his theoretic works, which, from their obscurity, were within the compass
+of very few understandings.  By chance I heard of his 'Treatise on
+Harmony', and had no rest till I purchased it.  By another chance I fell
+sick; my illness was inflammatory, short and violent, but my
+convalescence was tedious, for I was unable to go abroad for a whole
+month.  During this time I eagerly ran over my Treatise on Harmony, but
+it was so long, so diffuse, and so badly disposed, that I found it would
+require a considerable time to unravel it: accordingly I suspended my
+inclination, and recreated my sight with music.
+
+The cantatas of Bernier were what I principally exercised myself with.
+These were never out of my mind; I learned four or five by heart, and
+among the rest, 'The Sleeping Cupids', which I have never seen since that
+time, though I still retain it almost entirely; as well as 'Cupid Stung
+by a Bee', a very pretty cantata by Clerambault, which I learned about
+the same time.
+
+To complete me, there arrived a young organist from Valdoste, called the
+Abbe Palais, a good musician and an agreeable companion, who performed
+very well on the harpsichord; I got acquainted with him, and we soon
+became inseparable.  He had been brought up by an Italian monk, who was a
+capital organist.  He explained to me his principles of music, which I
+compared with Rameau; my head was filled with accompaniments, concords
+and harmony, but as it was necessary to accustom the ear to all this, I
+proposed to Madam de Warrens having a little concert once a month, to
+which she consented.
+
+Behold me then so full of this concert, that night or day I could think
+of nothing else, and it actually employed a great part of my time to
+select the music, assemble the musicians, look to the instruments, and
+write out the several parts.  Madam de Warrens sang; Father Cato (whom I
+have before mentioned, and shall have occasion to speak of again) sang
+likewise; a dancing--master named Roche, and his son, played on the
+violin; Canavas, a Piedmontese musician (who was employed like myself in
+the survey, and has since married at Paris), played on the violoncello;
+the Abbe Palais performed on the harpsichord, and I had the honor to
+conduct the whole.  It may be supposed all this was charming; I cannot
+say it equalled my concert at Monsieur de Tretoren's, but certainly it
+was not far behind it.
+
+This little concert, given by Madam de Warrens, the new convert, who
+lived (it was expressed) on the king's charity, made the whole tribe of
+devotees murmur, but was a very agreeable amusement to several worthy
+people, at the head of whom it would not be easily surmised that I should
+place a monk; yet, though a monk, a man of considerable merit, and even
+of a very amiable disposition, whose subsequent misfortunes gave me the
+most lively concern, and whose idea, attached to that of my happy days,
+is yet dear to my memory.  I speak of Father Cato, a Cordelier, who, in
+conjunction with the Count d'Ortan, had caused the music of poor Le
+Maitre to be seized at Lyons; which action was far from being the
+brightest trait in his history.  He was a Bachelor of Sorbonne, had lived
+long in Paris among the great world, and was particularly caressed by the
+Marquis d'Antremont, then Ambassador from Sardinia.  He was tall and well
+made; full faced, with very fine eyes, and black hair, which formed
+natural curls on each side of his forehead.  His manner was at once
+noble, open, and modest; he presented himself with ease and good manners,
+having neither the hypocritical nor impudent behavior of a monk, or the
+forward assurance of a fashionable coxcomb, but the manners of a well-
+bred man, who, without blushing for his habit, set a value on himself,
+and ever felt in his proper situation when in good company.  Though
+Father Cato was not deeply studied for a doctor, he was much so for a man
+of the world, and not being compelled to show his talents, he brought
+them forward so advantageously that they appeared greater than they
+really were.  Having lived much in the world, he had rather attached
+himself to agreeable acquirements than to solid learning; had sense, made
+verses, spoke well, sang better, and aided his good voice by playing on
+the organ and harpsichord.  So many pleasing qualities were not necessary
+to make his company sought after, and, accordingly, it was very much so,
+but this did not make him neglect the duties of his function: he was
+chosen (in spite of his jealous competitors) Definitor of his Province,
+or, according to them, one of the greatest pillars of their order.
+
+Father Cato became acquainted with Madam de Warrens at the Marquis of
+Antremont's; he had heard of her concerts, wished to assist at them, and
+by his company rendered our meetings truly agreeable.  We were soon
+attached to each other by our mutual taste for music, which in both was a
+most lively passion, with this difference, that he was really a musician,
+and myself a bungler.  Sometimes assisted by Canavas and the Abbe Palais,
+we had music in his apartment; or on holidays at his organ, and
+frequently dined with him; for, what was very astonishing in a monk,
+he was generous, profuse, and loved good cheer, without the least
+tincture of greediness.  After our concerts, he always used to stay to
+supper, and these evenings passed with the greatest gayety and good-
+humor; we conversed with the utmost freedom, and sang duets; I was
+perfectly at my ease, had sallies of wit and merriment; Father Cato was
+charming, Madam de Warrens adorable, and the Abbe Palais, with his rough
+voice, was the butt of the company.  Pleasing moments of sportive youth,
+how long since have ye fled!
+
+As I shall have no more occasion to speak of poor Father Cato, I will
+here conclude in a few words his melancholy history.  His brother monks,
+jealous, or rather exasperated to discover in him a merit and elegance of
+manners which favored nothing of monastic stupidity, conceived the most
+violent hatred to him, because he was not as despicable as themselves;
+the chiefs, therefore, combined against this worthy man, and set on the
+envious rabble of monks, who otherwise would not have dared to hazard the
+attack.  He received a thousand indignities; they degraded him from his
+office, took away the apartment which he had furnished with elegant
+simplicity, and, at length, banished him, I know not whither: in short,
+these wretches overwhelmed him with so many evils, that his honest and
+proud soul sank under the pressure, and, after having been the delight of
+the most amiable societies, he died of grief, on a wretched bed, hid in
+some cell or dungeon, lamented by all worthy people of his acquaintance,
+who could find no fault in him, except his being a monk.
+
+Accustomed to this manner of life for some time, I became so entirely
+attached to music that I could think of nothing else.  I went to my
+business with disgust, the necessary confinement and assiduity appeared
+an insupportable punishment, which I at length wished to relinquish, that
+I might give myself up without reserve to my favorite amusement.  It will
+be readily believed that this folly met with some opposition; to give up
+a creditable employment and fixed salary to run after uncertain scholars
+was too giddy a plan to be approved of by Madam de Warrens, and even
+supposing my future success should prove as great as I flattered myself,
+it was fixing very humble limits to my ambition to think of reducing
+myself for life to the condition of a music-master.  She, who formed for
+me the brightest projects, and no longer trusted implicitly to the
+judgment of M. d'Aubonne, seeing with concern that I was so seriously
+occupied with a talent which she thought frivolous, frequently repeated
+to me that provincial proverb, which does not hold quite so good in
+Paris,
+
+              "Qui biens chante et biens dance,
+               fait un metier qui peu avance."
+
+          [He who can sweetly sing and featly dance.
+          His interests right little shall advance.]
+
+On the other hand, she saw me hurried away by this irresistible passion,
+my taste for music having become a furor, and it was much to be feared
+that my employment, suffering by my distraction, might draw on me a
+discharge, which would be worse than a voluntary resignation.
+I represented to her; that this employment could not last long, that it
+was necessary I should have some permanent means of subsistence, and that
+it would be much better to complete by practice the acquisition of that
+art to which my inclination led me than to make fresh essays, which
+possibly might not succeed, since by this means, having passed the age
+most proper for improvement, I might be left without a single resource
+for gaining a livelihood: in short, I extorted her consent more by
+importunity and caresses than by any satisfactory reasons.  Proud of my
+success, I immediately ran to thank M. Coccelli, Director-General of the
+Survey, as though I had performed the most heroic action, and quitted my
+employment without cause, reason, or pretext, with as much pleasure as I
+had accepted it two years before.
+
+This step, ridiculous as it may appear, procured me a kind of
+consideration, which I found extremely useful.  Some supposed I had
+resources which I did not possess; others, seeing me totally given up to
+music, judged of my abilities by the sacrifice I had made, and concluded
+that with such a passion for the art, I must possess it in a superior
+degree.  In a nation of blind men, those with one eye are kings.  I
+passed here for an excellent master, because all the rest were very bad
+ones.  Possessing taste in singing, and being favored by my age and
+figure, I soon procured more scholars than were sufficient to compensate
+for the losses of my secretary's pay.  It is certain, that had it been
+reasonable to consider the pleasure of my situation only, it was
+impossible to pass more speedily from one extreme to the other.  At our
+measuring, I was confined eight hours in the day to the most
+unentertaining employment, with yet more disagreeable company.  Shut up
+in a melancholy counting-house, empoisoned by the smell and respiration
+of a number of clowns, the major part of whom were ill-combed and very
+dirty, what with attention, bad air, constraint and weariness, I was
+sometimes so far overcome as to occasion a vertigo.  Instead of this,
+behold me admitted into the fashionable world, sought after in the first
+houses, and everywhere received with an air of satisfaction; amiable and
+gay young ladies awaiting my arrival, and welcoming me with pleasure;
+I see nothing but charming objects, smell nothing but roses and orange
+flowers; singing, chatting, laughter, and amusements, perpetually succeed
+each other.  It must be allowed, that reckoning all these advantages, no
+hesitation was necessary in the choice; in fact, I was so content with
+mine, that I never once repented it; nor do I even now, when, free from
+the irrational motives that influenced me at that time, I weigh in the
+scale of reason every action of my life.
+
+This is, perhaps, the only time that, listening to inclination, I was not
+deceived in my expectations.  The easy access, obliging temper, and free
+humor of this country, rendered a commerce with the world agreeable,
+and the inclination I then felt for it, proves to me, that if I have a
+dislike for society, it is more their fault than mine.  It is a pity the
+Savoyards are not rich: though, perhaps, it would be a still greater pity
+if they were so, for altogether they are the best, the most sociable
+people that I know, and if there is a little city in the world where the
+pleasures of life are experienced in an agreeable and friendly commerce,
+it is at Chambery.  The gentry of the province who assemble there have
+only sufficient wealth to live and not enough to spoil them; they cannot
+give way to ambition, but follow, through necessity, the counsel of
+Cyneas, devoting their youth to a military employment, and returning home
+to grow old in peace; an arrangement over which honor and reason equally
+preside.  The women are handsome, yet do not stand in need of beauty,
+since they possess all those qualifications which enhance its value and
+even supply the want of it.  It is remarkable, that being obliged by my
+profession to see a number of young girls, I do not recollect one at
+Chambery but what was charming: it will be said I was disposed to find
+them so, and perhaps there maybe some truth in the surmise.  I cannot
+remember my young scholars without pleasure.  Why, in naming the most
+amiable, cannot I recall them and myself also to that happy age in which
+our moments, pleasing as innocent, were passed with such happiness
+together?  The first was Mademoiselle de Mallarede, my neighbor, and
+sister to a pupil of Monsieur Gaime.  She was a fine clear brunette,
+lively and graceful, without giddiness; thin as girls of that age usually
+are; but her bright eyes, fine shape, and easy air, rendered her
+sufficiently pleasing with that degree of plumpness which would have
+given a heightening to her charms.  I went there of mornings, when she
+was usually in her dishabille, her hair carelessly turned up, and, on my
+arrival, ornamented with a flower, which was taken off at my departure
+for her hair to be dressed.  There is nothing I fear so much as a pretty
+woman in an elegant dishabille; I should dread them a hundred times less
+in full dress.  Mademoiselle de Menthon, whom I attended in the
+afternoon, was ever so.  She made an equally pleasing, but quite
+different impression on me.  Her hair was flaxen, her person delicate,
+she was very timid and extremely fair, had a clear voice, capable of just
+modulation, but which she had not courage to employ to its full extent.
+She had the mark of a scald on her bosom, which a scanty piece of blue
+chenille did not entirely cover, this scar sometimes drew my attention,
+though not absolutely on its own account.  Mademoiselle des Challes,
+another of my neighbors, was a woman grown, tall, well-formed, jolly,
+very pleasing though not a beauty, and might be quoted for her
+gracefulness, equal temper, and good humor.  Her sister, Madam de Charly,
+the handsomest woman of Chambery, did not learn music, but I taught her
+daughter, who was yet young, but whose growing beauty promised to equal
+her mother's, if she had not unfortunately been a little red-haired.
+I had likewise among my scholars a little French lady, whose name I have
+forgotten, but who merits a place in my list of preferences.  She had
+adopted the slow drawling tone of the nuns, in which voice she would
+utter some very keen things, which did not in the least appear to
+correspond with her manner; but she was indolent, and could not generally
+take pains to show her wit, that being a favor she did not grant to every
+one.  After a month or two of negligent attendance, this was an expedient
+she devised to make me more assiduous, for I could not easily persuade
+myself to be so.  When with my scholars, I was fond enough of teaching,
+but could not bear the idea of being obliged to attend at a particular
+hour; constraint and subjection in every shape are to me insupportable,
+and alone sufficient to make me hate even pleasure itself.
+
+I had some scholars likewise among the tradespeople, and, among others,
+one who was the indirect cause of a change of relationship, which (as I
+have promised to declare all) I must relate in its place.  She was the
+daughter of a grocer, and was called Mademoiselle de Larnage, a perfect
+model for a Grecian statue, and whom I should quote for the handsomest
+girl I have ever seen, if true beauty could exist without life or soul.
+Her indolence, reserve, and insensibility were inconceivable; it was
+equally impossible to please or make her angry, and I am convinced that
+had any one formed a design upon her virtue, he might have succeeded, not
+through her inclination, but from her stupidity.  Her mother, who would
+run no risk of this, did not leave her a single moment.  In having her
+taught to sing and providing a young master, she had hoped to enliven
+her, but it all proved ineffectual.  While the master was admiring the
+daughter, the mother was admiring the master, but this was equally lost
+labor.  Madam de Larnage added to her natural vivacity that portion of
+sprightliness which should have belonged to the daughter.  She was a
+little, ugly, lively trollop, with small twinkling ferret eyes, and
+marked with smallpox.  On my arrival in the morning, I always found my
+coffee and cream ready, and the mother never failed to welcome me with a
+kiss on the lips, which I would willingly have returned the daughter, to
+see how she would have received it.  All this was done with such an air
+of carelessness and simplicity, that even when M. de Larnage was present;
+her kisses and caresses were not omitted.  He was a good quiet fellow,
+the true original of his daughter; nor did his wife endeavor to deceive
+him, because there was absolutely no occasion for it.
+
+I received all these caresses with my usual stupidity, taking them only
+for marks of pure friendship, though they were sometimes troublesome; for
+the lively Madam Lard was displeased, if, during the day, I passed the
+shop without calling; it became necessary, therefore (when I had no time
+to spare), to go out of my way through another street, well knowing it
+was not so easy to quit her house as to enter it.
+
+Madam Lard thought so much of me, that I could not avoid thinking
+something of her.  Her attentions affected me greatly; and I spoke of
+them to Madam de Warrens, without supposing any mystery in the matter,
+but had there been one I should equally have divulged it, for to have
+kept a secret of any kind from her would have been impossible.  My heart
+lay as open to Madam de Warrens as to Heaven.  She did not understand the
+matter quite so simply as I had done, but saw advances where I only
+discovered friendship.  She concluded that Madam Lard would make a point
+of not leaving me as great a fool as she found me, and, some way or
+other, contrive to make herself understood; but exclusive of the
+consideration that it was not just, that another should undertake the
+instruction of her pupil, she had motives more worthy of her, wishing to
+guard me against the snares to which my youth and inexperience exposed
+me.  Meantime, a more dangerous temptation offered which I likewise
+escaped, but which proved to her that such a succession of dangers
+required every preservative she could possibly apply.
+
+The Countess of Menthon, mother to one of my scholars, was a woman of
+great wit, and reckoned to possess, at least, an equal share of mischief,
+having (as was reported) caused a number of quarrels, and, among others,
+one that terminated fatally for the house of D' Antremont.  Madam de
+Warrens had seen enough of her to know her character: for having (very
+innocently) pleased some person to whom Madam de Menthon had pretensions,
+she found her guilty of the crime of this preference, though Madam de
+Warrens had neither sought after nor accepted it, and from that moment
+endeavored to play her rival a number of ill turns, none of which
+succeeded.  I shall relate one of the most whimsical, by way of specimen.
+
+They were together in the country, with several gentlemen of the
+neighborhood, and among the rest the lover in question.  Madam de Menthon
+took an opportunity to say to one of these gentlemen, that Madam de
+Warrens was a prude, that she dressed ill, and particularly that she
+covered her neck like a tradeswoman.  "O, for that matter," replied the
+person she was speaking to (who was fond of a joke), "she has good
+reason, for I know she is marked with a great ugly rat on her bosom, so
+naturally, that it even appears to be running."  Hatred, as well as love,
+renders its votaries credulous.  Madam de Menthon resolved to make use of
+this discovery, and one day, while Madam de Warrens was at cards with
+this lady's ungrateful favorite, she contrived, in passing behind her
+rival, almost to overset the chair she sat on, and at the same instant,
+very dexterously displaced her handkerchief; but instead of this hideous
+rat, the gentleman beheld a far different object, which it was not more
+easy to forget than to obtain a sight of, and which by no means answered
+the intentions of the lady.
+
+I was not calculated to engross the attention of Madam de Menthon, who
+loved to be surrounded by brilliant company; notwithstanding she bestowed
+some attention on me, not for the sake of my person, which she certainly
+did not regard, but for the reputation of wit which I had acquired, and
+which might have rendered me convenient to her predominant inclination.
+She had a very lively passion for ridicule, and loved to write songs and
+lampoons on those who displeased her: had she found me possessed of
+sufficient talents to aid the fabrication of her verses, and complaisance
+enough to do so, we should presently have turned Chambery upside down;
+these libels would have been traced to their source, Madam de Menthon
+would have saved herself by sacrificing me, and I should have been cooped
+up in prison, perhaps, for the rest of my life, as a recompense for
+having figured away as the Apollo of the ladies.  Fortunately, nothing of
+this kind happened; Madam de Menthon made me stay for dinner two or three
+days, to chat with me, and soon found I was too dull for her purpose.
+I felt this myself, and was humiliated at the discovery, envying the
+talents of my friend Venture; though I should rather have been obliged to
+my stupidity for keeping me out of the reach of danger.  I remained,
+therefore, Madam de Menthon's daughter's singing-master, and nothing
+more!  but I lived happily, and was ever well received at Chambery, which
+was a thousand times more desirable than passing for a wit with her, and
+for a serpent with everybody else.
+
+However this might be, Madam de Warrens conceived it necessary to guard
+me from the perils of youth by treating me as a man: this she immediately
+set about, but in the most extraordinary manner that any woman, in
+similar circumstances, ever devised.  I all at once observed that her
+manner was graver, and her discourse more moral than usual.  To the
+playful gayety with which she used to intermingle her instructions
+suddenly succeeded an uniformity of manner, neither familiar nor severe,
+but which seemed to prepare me for some explanation.  After having vainly
+racked my brain for the reason of this change, I mentioned it to her;
+this she had expected and immediately proposed a walk to our garden the
+next day.  Accordingly we went there the next morning; she had contrived
+that we should remain alone the whole day, which she employed in
+preparing me for those favors she meant to bestow; not as another woman
+would have done, by toying and folly, but by discourses full of sentiment
+and reason, rather tending to instruct than seduce, and which spoke more
+to my heart than to my senses.  Meantime, however excellent and to the
+purpose these discourses might be, and though far enough from coldness or
+melancholy, I did not listen to them with all the attention they merited,
+nor fix them in my memory as I should have done at any other time.  That
+air of preparation which she had adopted gave me a degree of inquietude;
+while she spoke (in spite of myself) I was thoughtful and absent,
+attending less to what she said than curious to know what she aimed at;
+and no sooner had I comprehended her design (which I could not easily do)
+than the novelty of the idea, which, during all the years I had passed
+with her, had never once entered my imagination, took such entire
+possession of me that I was no longer capable of minding what she said!
+I only thought of her; I heard her no longer.
+
+Thinking to render young minds attentive to reason by proposing some
+highly interesting object as the result of it, is an error instructors
+frequently run into, and one which I have not avoided in my Umilius.
+The young pupil, struck with the object presented to him, is occupied
+only with that, and leaping lightly over your preliminary discourses,
+lights at once on the point, to which, in his idea, you lead him too
+tediously.  To render him attentive, he must be prevented from seeing the
+whole of your design; and, in this particular, Madam de Warrens did not
+act with sufficient precaution.
+
+By a singularity which adhered to her systematic disposition, she took
+the vain precaution of proposing conditions; but the moment I knew the
+purchase, I no longer even heard them, but immediately consented to
+everything; and I doubt whether there is a man on the whole earth who
+would have been sincere or courageous enough to dispute terms, or one
+single woman who would have pardoned such a dispute.  By a continuation
+of the same whimsicality, she attached a number of the gravest
+formalities to the acquisition of her favors, and gave me eight days to
+think of them, which I assured her I had no need of, though that
+assurance was far from a truth: for to complete this assemblage of
+singularities, I was very glad to have this intermission; so much had the
+novelty of these ideas struck me, and such disorder did I feel in mine,
+that it required time to arrange them.
+
+It will be supposed, that these eight days appeared to me as many ages;
+on the contrary, I should have been very glad had the time been
+lengthened.  I find it difficult to describe the state I found myself in;
+it was a strange chaos of fear and impatience, dreading what I desired,
+and studying some civil pretext to evade my happiness.
+
+Let the warmth of my constitution be remembered, my age, and my heart
+intoxicated with love; let my tender attachment to her be supposed,
+which, far from having diminished, had daily gained additional strength;
+let it be considered that I was only happy when with her, that my heart
+was full, not only of her bounty, of her amiable disposition, but of her
+shape, of her person, of herself; in a word, conceive me united to her by
+every affinity that could possibly render her dear; nor let it be
+supposed, that, being ten or twelve years older than myself, she began to
+grow an old woman, or was so in my opinion.  From the time the first
+sight of her had made such an impression on me, she had really altered
+very little, and, in my mind, not at all.  To me she was ever charming,
+and was still thought so by everyone.  She had got something jollier,
+but had the same fine eyes, the same clear complexion, the same features,
+the same beautiful light hair, the sane gayety, and even the same voice,
+whose youthful and silvery sound made so lively an impression on my
+heart, that, even to this day, I cannot hear a young woman's voice,
+that is at all harmonious, without emotion.  It will be seen, that in a
+more advanced age, the bare idea of some trifling favors I had to expect
+from the person I loved, inflamed me so far, that I could not support,
+with any degree of patience, the time necessary to traverse the short
+space that separated us; how then, by what miracle, when in the flower of
+my youth, had I so little impatience for a happiness I had never tasted
+but in idea?  How could I see the moment advancing with more pain than
+pleasure?  Why, instead of transports that should have intoxicated me
+with their deliciousness, did I experience only fears and repugnance?
+I have no doubt that if I could have avoided this happiness with any
+degree of decency, I should have relinquished it with all my heart.
+I have promised a number of extravagancies in the history of my
+attachment to her; this certainly is one that no idea could be formed of.
+
+The reader (already disgusted) supposes, that being in the situation I
+have before described with Claude Anet, she was already degraded in my
+opinion by this participation of her favors, and that a sentiment of
+disesteem weakened those she had before inspired me with; but he is
+mistaken.  'Tis true that this participation gave me a cruel uneasiness,
+as well from a very natural sentiment of delicacy, as because it appeared
+unworthy both of her and myself; but as to my sentiments for her, they
+were still the same, and I can solemnly aver, that I never loved her more
+tenderly than when I felt so little propensity to avail myself of her
+condescension.  I was too well acquainted with the chastity of her heart
+and the iciness of her constitution, to suppose a moment that the
+gratification of the senses had any influence over her; I was well
+convinced that her only motive was to guard me from dangers, which
+appeared otherwise inevitable, by this extraordinary favor, which she did
+not consider in the same light that women usually do; as will presently
+be explained.
+
+The habit of living a long time innocently together, far from weakening
+the first sentiments I felt for her, had contributed to strengthen them,
+giving a more lively, a more tender, but at the same time a less sensual,
+turn to my affection.  Having ever accustomed myself to call her Mama (as
+formerly observed) and enjoying the familiarity of a son, it became
+natural to consider myself as such, and I am inclined to think this was
+the true reason of that insensibility with a person I so tenderly loved;
+for I can perfectly recollect that my emotions on first seeing her,
+though not more lively, were more voluptuous: At Annecy I was
+intoxicated, at Chambery I possessed my reason.  I always loved her as
+passionately as possible, but I now loved her more for herself and less
+on my own account; or, at least, I rather sought for happiness than
+pleasure in her company.  She was more to me than a sister, a mother, a
+friend, or even than a mistress, and for this very reason she was not a
+mistress; in a word, I loved her too much to desire her.
+
+This day, more dreaded than hoped for, at length arrived.  I have before
+observed, that I promised everything that was required of me, and I kept
+my word: my heart confirmed my engagements without desiring the fruits,
+though at length I obtained them.  Was I happy?  No: I felt I know not
+what invincible sadness which empoisoned my happiness, it seemed that I
+had committed an incest, and two or three times, pressing her eagerly in
+my arms, I deluged her bosom with my tears.  On her part, as she had
+never sought pleasure, she had not the stings of remorse.
+
+I repeat it, all her failings were the effect of her errors, never of her
+passions.  She was well born, her heart was pure, her manners noble, her
+desires regular and virtuous, her taste delicate; she seemed formed for
+that elegant purity of manners which she ever loved, but never practised,
+because instead of listening to the dictates of her heart, she followed
+those of her reason, which led her astray: for when once corrupted by
+false principles it will ever run counter to its natural sentiments.
+Unhappily, she piqued herself on philosophy, and the morals she drew from
+thence clouded the genuine purity of her heart.
+
+M. Tavel, her first lover, was also her instructor in this philosophy,
+and the principles he instilled into her mind were such as tended to
+seduce her.  Finding her cold and impregnable on the side of her
+passions, and firmly attached to her husband and her duty, he attacked
+her by sophisms, endeavoring to prove that the list of duties she thought
+so sacred, was but a sort of catechism, fit only for children.  That the
+kind of infidelity she thought so terrible, was, in itself, absolutely
+indifferent; that all the morality of conjugal faith consisted in
+opinion, the contentment of husbands being the only reasonable rule of
+duty in wives; consequently that concealed infidelities, doing no injury,
+could be no crime; in a word, he persuaded her that the sin consisted
+only in the scandal, that woman being really virtuous who took care to
+appear so.  Thus the deceiver obtained his end in the subverting the
+reason of a girl; whose heart he found it impossible to corrupt, and
+received his punishment in a devouring jealousy, being persuaded she
+would treat him as he had prevailed on her to treat her husband.
+
+I don't know whether he was mistaken in this respect: the Minister Perret
+passed for his successor; all I know, is, that the coldness of
+temperament which it might have been supposed would have kept her from
+embracing this system, in the end prevented her from renouncing it.  She
+could not conceive how so much importance should be given to what seemed
+to have none for her; nor could she honor with the name of virtue, an
+abstinence which would have cost her little.
+
+She did not, therefore, give in to this false principle on her own
+account, but for the sake of others; and that from another maxim almost
+as false as the former, but more consonant to the generosity of her
+disposition.
+
+She was persuaded that nothing could attach a man so truly to any woman
+as an unbounded freedom, and though she was only susceptible of
+friendship, this friendship was so tender, that she made use of every
+means which depended on her to secure the objects of it, and, which is
+very extraordinary, almost always succeeded: for she was so truly
+amiable, that an increase of intimacy was sure to discover additional
+reasons to love and respect her.  Another thing worthy of remark is,
+that after her first folly, she only favored the unfortunate.  Lovers in
+a more brilliant station lost their labor with her, but the man who at
+first attracted her pity, must have possessed very few good qualities if
+in the end he did not obtain her affection.  Even when she made an
+unworthy choice, far from proceeding from base inclinations (which were
+strangers to her noble heart) it was the effect of a disposition too
+generous, humane, compassionate, and sensible, which she did not always
+govern with sufficient discernment.
+
+If some false principles misled her, how many admirable ones did she not
+possess, which never forsook her!  By how many virtues did she atone for
+her failings! if we can call by that name errors in which the senses had
+so little share.  The man who in one particular deceived her so
+completely, had given her excellent instructions in a thousand others;
+and her passions, being far from turbulent, permitted her to follow the
+dictates.  She ever acted wisely when her sophisms did not intervene, and
+her designs were laudable even in her failings.  False principles might
+lead her to do ill, but she never did anything which she conceived to be
+wrong.  She abhorred lying and duplicity, was just, equitable, humane,
+disinterested, true to her word, her friends, and those duties which she
+conceived to be such; incapable of hatred or revenge, and not even
+conceiving there was a merit in pardoning; in fine (to return to those
+qualities which were less excusable), though she did not properly value,
+she never made a vile commerce of her favors; she lavished, but never
+sold them, though continually reduced to expedients for a subsistence:
+and I dare assert, that if Socrates could esteem Aspasia, he would have
+respected Madam de Warrens.
+
+I am well aware that ascribing sensibility of heart with coldness of
+temperament to the same person, I shall generally, and with great
+appearance of reason, be accused of a contradiction.  Perhaps Nature
+sported or blundered, and this combination ought not to have existed;
+I only know it did exist.  All those who know Madam de Warrens (a great
+number of whom are yet living) have had opportunities of knowing this was
+a fact; I dare even aver she had but one pleasure in the world, which was
+serving those she loved.  Let every one argue on the point as he pleases,
+and gravely prove that this cannot be; my business is to declare the
+truth, and not to enforce a belief of it.
+
+I became acquainted with the particulars I have just related, in those
+conversations which succeeded our union, and alone rendered it delicious.
+She was right when she concluded her complaisance would be useful to me;
+I derived great advantages from it in point of useful instruction.
+Hitherto she had used me as a child, she now began to treat me as a man,
+and entertain me with accounts of herself.  Everything she said was so
+interesting, and I was so sensibly touched with it, that, reasoning with
+myself, I applied these confidential relations to my own improvement and
+received more instruction from them than from her teaching.  When we
+truly feel that the heart speaks, our own opens to receive its
+instructions, nor can all the pompous morality of a pedagogue have half
+the effect that is produced by the tender, affectionate, and artless
+conversation of a sensible woman on him who loves her.
+
+The intimacy in which I lived with Madam de Warrens, having placed me
+more advantageously in her opinion than formerly, she began to think
+(notwithstanding my awkward manner) that I deserved cultivation for the
+polite world, and that if I could one day show myself there in an
+eligible situation, I should soon be able to make my way.  In consequence
+of this idea, she set about forming not only my judgment, but my address,
+endeavoring to render me amiable, as well as estimable; and if it is true
+that success in this world is consistent with strict virtue (which, for
+my part, I do not believe), I am certain there is no other road than that
+she had taken, and wished to point out to me.  For Madam de Warrens knew
+mankind, and understood exquisitely well the art of treating all ranks,
+without falsehood, and without imprudence, neither deceiving nor
+provoking them; but this art was rather in her disposition than her
+precepts, she knew better how to practise than explain it, and I was of
+all the world the least calculated to become master of such an
+attainment; accordingly, the means employed for this purpose were nearly
+lost labor, as well as the pains she took to procure me a fencing and a
+dancing master.
+
+Though very well made, I could never learn to dance a minuet; for being
+plagued with corns, I had acquired a habit of walking on my heels, which
+Roche, the dancing master, could never break me of.  It was still worse
+at the fencing-school, where, after three months' practice, I made but
+very little progress, and could never attempt fencing with any but my
+master.  My wrist was not supple enough, nor my arm sufficiently firm to
+retain the foil, whenever he chose to make it fly out of my hand.  Add to
+this, I had a mortal aversion both to the art itself and to the person
+who undertook to teach it to me, nor should I ever have imagined, that
+anyone could have been so proud of the science of sending men out of the
+world.  To bring this vast genius within the compass of my comprehension,
+he explained himself by comparisons drawn from music, which he understood
+nothing of.  He found striking analogies between a hit in 'quarte' or
+'tierce' with the intervals of music which bears those names: when he
+made a feint he cried out, "take care of this 'diesis'," because
+anciently they called the 'diesis' a feint: and when he had made the foil
+fly from my hand, he would add, with a sneer, that this was a pause: in a
+word, I never in my life saw a more insupportable pedant.
+
+I made, therefore, but little progress in my exercises, which I presently
+quitted from pure disgust; but I succeeded better in an art of a thousand
+times more value, namely, that of being content with my situation, and
+not desiring one more brilliant, for which I began to be persuaded that
+Nature had not designed me.  Given up to the endeavor of rendering Madam
+de Warrens happy, I was ever best pleased when in her company, and,
+notwithstanding my fondness for music, began to grudge the time I
+employed in giving lessons to my scholars.
+
+I am ignorant whether Anet perceived the full extent of our union; but I
+am inclined to think he was no stranger to it.  He was a young man of
+great penetration, and still greater discretion; who never belied his
+sentiments, but did not always speak them: without giving me the least
+hint that he was acquainted with our intimacy, he appeared by his conduct
+to be so; nor did this moderation proceed from baseness of soul, but,
+having entered entirely into the principles of his mistress, he could not
+reasonably disapprove of the natural consequences of them.  Though as
+young as herself, he was so grave and thoughtful, that he looked on us as
+two children who required indulgence, and we regarded him as a
+respectable man, whose esteem we had to preserve.  It was not until after
+she was unfaithful to Anet, that I learned the strength of her attachment
+to him.  She was fully sensible that I only thought, felt, or lived for
+her; she let me see, therefore, how much she loved Anet, that I might
+love him likewise, and dwell less on her friendship, than on her esteem,
+for him, because this was the sentiment that I could most fully partake
+of.  How often has she affected our hearts and made us embrace with
+tears, by assuring us that we were both necessary to her happiness!
+Let not women read this with an ill-natured smile; with the temperament
+she possessed, this necessity was not equivocal, it was only that of the
+heart.
+
+Thus there was established, among us three, a union without example,
+perhaps, on the face of the earth.  All our wishes, our cares, our very
+hearts, were for each other, and absolutely confined to this little
+circle.  The habit of living together, and living exclusively from the
+rest of the world, became so strong, that if at our repasts one of the
+three was wanting, or a fourth person came in, everything seemed
+deranged; and, notwithstanding our particular attachments, even our tete-
+-a-tete were less agreeable than our reunion.  What banished every
+species of constraint from our little community, was a lively reciprocal
+confidence, and dulness or insipidity could find no place among us,
+because we were always fully employed.  Madam de Warrens always
+projecting, always busy, left us no time for idleness, though, indeed,
+we had each sufficient employment on our own account.  It is my maxim,
+that idleness is as much the pest of society as of solitude.  Nothing
+more contracts the mind, or engenders more tales, mischief, gossiping,
+and lies, than for people to be eternally shut up in the same apartment
+together, and reduced, from the want of employment, to the necessity of
+an incessant chat.  When every one is busy (unless you have really
+something to say), you may continue silent; but if you have nothing to
+do, you must absolutely speak continually, and this, in my mind, is the
+most burdensome and the most dangerous constraint.  I will go further,
+and maintain, that to render company harmless, as well as agreeable, it
+is necessary, not only that they should have something to do, but
+something that requires a degree of attention.
+
+Knitting, for instance, is absolutely as bad as doing nothing; you must
+take as much pains to amuse a woman whose fingers are thus employed, as
+if she sat with her arms crossed; but let her embroider, and it is a
+different matter; she is then so far busied, that a few intervals of
+silence may be borne with.  What is most disgusting and ridiculous,
+during these intermissions of conversation, is to see, perhaps, a dozen
+over-grown fellows, get up, sit down again, walk backwards and forwards,
+turn on their heels, play with the chimney ornaments, and rack their
+brains to maintain an inexhaustible chain of words: what a charming
+occupation!  Such people, wherever they go, must be troublesome both to
+others and themselves.  When I was at Motiers, I used to employ myself in
+making laces with my neighbors, and were I again to mix with the world,
+I would always carry a cup-and-ball in my pocket; I should sometimes play
+with it the whole day, that I might not be constrained to speak when I
+had nothing to discourse about; and I am persuaded, that if every one
+would do the same, mankind would be less mischievous, their company would
+become more rational, and, in my opinion, a vast deal more agreeable;
+in a word, let wits laugh if they please, but I maintain, that the only
+practical lesson of morality within the reach of the present age, is that
+of the cup-and-ball.
+
+At Chambery they did not give us the trouble of studying expedients to
+avoid weariness, when by ourselves, for a troop of important visitors
+gave us too much by their company, to feel any when alone.  The annoyance
+they formerly gave me had not diminished; all the difference was, that I
+now found less opportunity to abandon myself to my dissatisfaction.
+Poor Madam de Warrens had not lost her old predilection for schemes and
+systems; on the contrary, the more she felt the pressure of her domestic
+necessities, the more she endeavored to extricate herself from them by
+visionary projects; and, in proportion to the decrease of her present
+resources, she contrived to enlarge, in idea, those of the future.
+Increase of years only strengthened this folly: as she lost her relish
+for the pleasures of the world and youth, she replaced it by an
+additional fondness for secrets and projects; her house was never clear
+of quacks, contrivers of new manufactures, alchemists, projects of all
+kinds and of all descriptions, whose discourses began by a distribution
+of millions and concluded by giving you to understand that they were in
+want of a crown--piece.  No one went from her empty-handed; and what
+astonished me most was, how she could so long support such profusion,
+without exhausting the source or wearying her creditors.
+
+Her principal project at the time I am now speaking of was that of
+establishing a Royal Physical Garden at Chambery, with a Demonstrator
+attached to it; it will be unnecessary to add for whom this office was
+designed.  The situation of this city, in the midst of the Alps, was
+extremely favorable to botany, and as Madam de Warrens was always for
+helping out one project with another, a College of Pharmacy was to be
+added, which really would have been a very useful foundation in so poor a
+country, where apothecaries are almost the only medical practitioners.
+The retreat of the chief physician, Grossi, to Chambery, on the demise of
+King Victor, seemed to favor this idea, or perhaps, first suggest it;
+however this may be, by flattery and attention she set about managing
+Grossi, who, in fact, was not very manageable, being the most caustic and
+brutal, for a man who had any pretensions to the quality of a gentleman,
+that ever I knew.  The reader may judge for himself by two or three
+traits of character, which I shall add by way of specimen.
+
+He assisted one day at a consultation with some other doctors, and among
+the rest, a young gentleman from Annecy, who was physician in ordinary to
+the sick person.  This young man, being but indifferently taught for a
+doctor, was bold enough to differ in opinion from M. Grossi, who only
+answered him by asking him when he should return, which way he meant to
+take, and what conveyance he should make use of?  The other, having
+satisfied Grossi in these particulars, asked him if there was anything he
+could serve him in?  "Nothing, nothing," answered he, "only I shall place
+myself at a window in your way, that I may have the pleasure of seeing an
+ass ride on horseback."  His avarice equalled his riches and want of
+feeling.  One of his friends wanted to borrow some money of him, on good
+security.  "My friend," answered he, shaking him by the arm, and grinding
+his teeth, "Should St. Peter descend from heaven to borrow ten pistoles
+of me, and offer the Trinity as securities, I would not lend them."  One
+day, being invited to dinner with Count Picon, Governor of Savoy, who was
+very religious, he arrived before it was ready, and found his excellency
+busy with his devotions, who proposed to him the same employment; not
+knowing how to refuse, he knelt down with a frightful grimace, but had
+hardly recited two Ave-Marias, when, not being able to contain himself
+any longer, he rose hastily, snatched his hat and cane, and without
+speaking a word, was making toward the door; Count Picon ran after him,
+crying, "Monsieur Grossi!  Monsieur Grossi! stop, there's a most
+excellent ortolan on the spit for you."  "Monsieur le Count," replied the
+other, turning his head, "though you should give me a roasted angel, I
+would not stay."  Such was M. Grossi, whom Madam de Warrens undertook and
+succeeded in civilizing.  Though his time was very much occupied, he
+accustomed himself to come frequently to her house, conceived a
+friendship for Anet, seemed to think him intelligent, spoke of him with
+esteem, and, what would not have been expected of such a brute, affected
+to treat him with respect, wishing to efface the impressions of the past;
+for though Anet was no longer on the footing of a domestic, it was known
+that he had been one, and nothing less than the countenance and example
+of the chief physician was necessary to set an example of respect which
+would not otherwise have been paid him.  Thus Claude Anet, with a black
+coat, a well-dressed wig, a grave, decent behavior, a circumspect
+conduct, and a tolerable knowledge in medical and botanical matters,
+might reasonably have hoped to fill, with universal satisfaction,
+the place of public demonstrator, had the proposed establishment taken
+place.  Grossi highly approved the plan, and only waited an opportunity
+to propose it to the administration, whenever a return of peace should
+permit them to think of useful institutions, and enable them to spare the
+necessary pecuniary supplies.
+
+But this project, whose execution would probably have plunged me into
+botanical studies, for which I am inclined to think Nature designed me,
+failed through one of those unexpected strokes which frequently overthrow
+the best concerted plans.  I was destined to become an example of human
+misery; and it might be said that Providence, who called me by degrees to
+these extraordinary trials, disconcerted every opportunity that could
+prevent my encountering them.
+
+In an excursion which Anet made to the top of the mountain to seek for
+genipi, a scarce plant that grows only on the Alps, and which Monsieur
+Grossi had occasion for, unfortunately he heated himself so much, that he
+was seized with a pleurisy, which the genipi could not relieve, though
+said to be specific in that disorder; and, notwithstanding all the art of
+Grossi (who certainly was very skillful), and all the care of his good
+mistress and myself, he died the fifth day of his disorder, in the most
+cruel agonies.  During his illness he had no exhortations but mine,
+bestowed with such transports of grief and zeal, that had he been in a
+state to understand them, they must have been some consolation to him.
+Thus I lost the firmest friend I ever had; a man estimable and
+extraordinary; in whom Nature supplied the defects of education, and who
+(though in a state of servitude) possessed all the virtues necessary to
+form a great man, which, perhaps, he would have shown himself, and been
+acknowledged, had he lived to fill the situation he seemed so perfectly
+adapted to.
+
+The next day I spoke of him to Madam de Warrens with the most sincere and
+lively affection; when, suddenly, in the midst of our conversation, the
+vile, ungrateful thought occurred, that I should inherit his wardrobe,
+and particularly a handsome black coat, which I thought very becoming.
+As I thought this, I consequently uttered it; for when with her, to think
+and to speak was the same thing.  Nothing could have made her feel more
+forcibly the loss she had sustained, than this unworthy and odious
+observation; disinterestedness and greatness of soul being qualities that
+poor Anet had eminently possessed.  The generous Madam de Warrens turned
+from me, and (without any reply) burst into tears.  Dear and precious
+tears! your reprehension was fully felt; ye ran into my very heart,
+washing from thence even the smallest traces of such despicable and
+unworthy sentiments, never to return.
+
+This loss caused Madam de Warrens as much inconvenience as sorrow,
+since from this moment her affairs were still more deranged.  Anet was
+extremely exact, and kept everything in order; his vigilance was
+universally feared, and this set some bounds to that profusion they were
+too apt to run into; even Madam de Warrens, to avoid his censure,
+kept her dissipation within bounds; his attachment was not sufficient,
+she wished to preserve his esteem, and avoid the just remonstrances he
+sometimes took the liberty to make her, by representing that she
+squandered the property of others as well as her own.  I thought as he
+did, nay, I even sometimes expressed myself to the same effect, but had
+not an equal ascendancy over her, and my advice did not make the same
+impression.  On his decease, I was obliged to occupy his place, for which
+I had as little inclination as abilities, and therefore filled it ill.
+I was not sufficiently careful, and so very timid, that though I
+frequently found fault to myself, I saw ill-management without taking
+courage to oppose it; besides, though I acquired an equal share of
+respect, I had not the same authority.  I saw the disorder that
+prevailed, trembled at it, sometimes complained, but was never attended
+to.  I was too young and lively to have any pretensions to the exercise
+of reason, and when I would have acted the reformer, Madam de Warrens
+calling me her little Mentor, with two or three playful slaps on the
+cheek, reduced me to my natural thoughtlessness.  Notwithstanding,
+an idea of the certain distress in which her ill-regulated expenses,
+sooner or later, must necessarily plunge her, made a stronger impression
+on me since I had become the inspector of her household, and had a better
+opportunity of calculating the inequality that subsisted between her
+income and her expenses.  I even date from this period the beginning of
+that inclination to avarice which I have ever since been sensible of.
+I was never foolishly prodigal, except by intervals; but till then I was
+never concerned whether I had much or little money.  I now began to pay
+more attention to this circumstance, taking care of my purse, and
+becoming mean from a laudable motive; for I only sought to insure Madam
+de Warrens some resources against that catastrophe which I dreaded the
+approach of.  I feared her creditors would seize her pension or that it
+might be discontinued and she reduced to want, when I foolishly imagined
+that the trifle I could save might be of essential service to her; but to
+accomplish this, it was necessary I should conceal what I meant to make a
+reserve of; for it would have been an awkward circumstance, while she was
+perpetually driven to expedients, to have her know that I hoarded money.
+Accordingly, I sought out some hiding-place, where I laid up a few louis,
+resolving to augment this stock from time to time, till a convenient
+opportunity to lay it at her feet; but I was so incautious in the choice
+of my repositories, that she always discovered them, and, to convince me
+that she did so, changed the louis I had concealed for a larger sum in
+different pieces of coin.  Ashamed of these discoveries, I brought back
+to the common purse my little treasure, which she never failed to lay out
+in clothes, or other things for my use, such as a silver hilted sword,
+watch, etc.  Being convinced that I should never succeed in accumulating
+money, and that what I could save would furnish but a very slender
+resource against the misfortune I dreaded, made me wish to place myself
+in such a situation that I might be enabled to provide for her, whenever
+she might chance to be reduced to want.  Unhappily, seeking these
+resources on the side of my inclinations, I foolishly determined to
+consider music as my principal dependence; and ideas of harmony rising in
+my brain, I imagined, that if placed in a proper situation to profit by
+them, I should acquire celebrity, and presently become a modern Orpheus,
+whose mystic sounds would attract all the riches of Peru.
+
+As I began to read music tolerably well, the question was, how I should
+learn composition?  The difficulty lay in meeting with a good master,
+for, with the assistance of my Rameau alone, I despaired of ever being
+able to accomplish it; and, since the departure of M. le Maitre, there
+was nobody in Savoy who understood anything of the principles of harmony.
+
+I am now about to relate another of those inconsequences, which my life
+is full of, and which have so frequently carried me directly from my
+designs, even when I thought myself immediately within reach of them.
+Venture had spoken to me in very high terms of the Abbe Blanchard, who
+had taught him composition; a deserving man, possessed of great talents,
+who was music-master to the cathedral at Besancon, and is now in that
+capacity at the Chapel of Versailles.  I therefore determined to go to
+Besancon, and take some lessons from the Abbe Blanchard, and the idea
+appeared so rational to me, that I soon made Madam de Warrens of the same
+opinion, who immediately set about the preparations for my journey, in
+the same style of profusion with which all her plans were executed.  Thus
+this project for preventing a bankruptcy, and repairing in future the
+waste of dissipation, began by causing her to expend eight hundred
+livres; her ruin being accelerated that I might be put in a condition to
+prevent it.  Foolish as this conduct may appear, the illusion was
+complete on my part, and even on hers, for I was persuaded I should labor
+for her emolument, and she thought she was highly promoting mine.
+
+I expected to find Venture still at Annecy, and promised myself to obtain
+a recommendatory letter from him to the Abbe Blanchard; but he had left
+that place, and I was obliged to content myself in the room of it, with a
+mass in four parts of his composition, which he had left with me.  With
+this slender recommendation I set out for Besancon by the way of Geneva,
+where I saw my relations; and through Nion, where I saw my father, who
+received me in his usual manner, and promised to forward my portmanteau,
+which, as I travelled on horseback, came after me.  I arrived at
+Besancon, and was kindly received by the Abbe Blanchard, who promised me
+his instruction, and offered his services in any other particular.  We
+had just set about our music, when I received a letter from my father,
+informing me that my portmanteau had been seized and confiscated at
+Rousses, a French barrier on the side of Switzerland.  Alarmed at the
+news, I employed the acquaintance I had formed at Besancon, to learn the
+motive of this confiscation.  Being certain there was nothing contraband
+among my baggage, I could not conceive on what pretext it could have been
+seized on; at length, however, I learned the rights of the story, which
+(as it is a very curious one) must not be omitted.
+
+I became acquainted at Chambery with a very worthy old man, from Lyons,
+named Monsieur Duvivier, who had been employed at the Visa, under the
+regency, and for want of other business, now assisted at the Survey.  He
+had lived in the polite world, possessed talents, was good-humored, and
+understood music.  As we both wrote in the same chamber, we preferred
+each other's acquaintance to that of the unlicked cubs that surrounded
+us.  He had some correspondents at Paris, who furnished him with those
+little nothings, those daily novelties, which circulate one knows not
+why, and die one cares not when, without any one thinking of them longer
+than they are heard.  As I sometimes took him to dine with Madam de
+Warrens, he in some measure treated me with respect, and (wishing to
+render himself agreeable) endeavored to make me fond of these trifles,
+for which I naturally had such a distaste, that I never in my life read
+any of them.  Unhappily one of these cursed papers happened to be in the
+waistcoat pocket of a new suit, which I had only worn two or three times
+to prevent its being seized by the commissioners of the customs.  This
+paper contained an insipid Jansenist parody on that beautiful scene in
+Racine's Mithridates: I had not read ten lines of it, but by
+forgetfulness left it in my pocket, and this caused all my necessaries to
+be confiscated.  The commissioners at the head of the inventory of my
+portmanteau, set a most pompous verbal process, in which it was taken for
+granted that this most terrible writing came from Geneva for the sole
+purpose of being printed and distributed in France, and then ran into
+holy invectives against the enemies of God and the Church, and praised
+the pious vigilance of those who had prevented the execution of these
+most infernal machinations.  They doubtless found also that my spirits
+smelt of heresy, for on the strength of this dreadful paper, they were
+all seized, and from that time I never received any account of my
+unfortunate portmanteau.  The revenue officers whom I applied to for this
+purpose required so many instructions, informations, certificates,
+memorials, etc., etc., that, lost a thousand times in the perplexing
+labyrinth, I was glad to abandon them entirely.  I feel a real regret for
+not having preserved this verbal process from the office of Rousses, for
+it was a piece calculated to hold a distinguished rank in the collection
+which is to accompany this Work.
+
+The loss of my necessities immediately brought me back to Chambery,
+without having learned anything of the Abbe Blanchard.  Reasoning with
+myself on the events of this journey, and seeing that misfortunes
+attended all my enterprises, I resolved to attach myself entirely to
+Madam de Warrens, to share her fortune, and distress myself no longer
+about future events, which I could not regulate.  She received me as if I
+had brought back treasures, replaced by degrees my little wardrobe, and
+though this misfortune fell heavy enough on us both, it was forgotten
+almost as suddenly as it arrived.
+
+Though this mischance had rather dampened my musical ardor, I did not
+leave off studying my Rameau, and, by repeated efforts, was at length
+able to understand it, and to make some little attempts at composition,
+the success of which encouraged me to proceed.  The Count de Bellegrade,
+son of the Marquis of Antremont, had returned from Dresden after the
+death of King Augustus.  Having long resided at Paris, he was fond of
+music, and particularly that of Rameau.  His brother, the Count of
+Nangis, played on the violin; the Countess la Tour, their sister, sung
+tolerably: this rendered music the fashion at Chambery, and a kind of
+public concert was established there, the direction of which was at first
+designed for me, but they soon discovered I was not competent to the
+undertaking, and it was otherwise arranged.  Notwithstanding this, I
+continued writing a number of little pieces, in my own way, and, among
+others, a cantata, which gained great approbation; it could not, indeed,
+be called a finished piece, but the airs were written in a style of
+novelty, and produced a good effect, which was not expected from me.
+These gentlemen could not believe that, reading music so indifferently,
+it was possible I should compose any that was passable, and made no doubt
+that I had taken to myself the credit of some other person's labors.
+Monsieur de Nangis, wishing to be assured of this, called on me one
+morning with a cantata of Clerambault's which he had transposed as he
+said, to suit his voice, and to which another bass was necessary, the
+transposition having rendered that of Clerambault impracticable.  I
+answered, it required considerable labor, and could not be done on the
+spot.  Being convinced I only sought an excuse, he pressed me to write at
+least the bass to a recitative: I did so, not well, doubtless, because to
+attempt anything with success I must have both time and freedom, but I
+did it at least according to rule, and he being present, could not doubt
+but I understood the elements of composition.  I did not, therefore, lose
+my scholars, though it hurt my pride that there should be a concert at
+Chambery in which I was not necessary.
+
+About this time, peace being concluded, the French army repassed the
+Alps.  Several officers came to visit Madam de Warrens, and among others
+the Count de Lautrec, Colonel of the regiment of Orleans, since
+Plenipotentiary of Geneva, and afterwards Marshal of France, to whom she
+presented me.  On her recommendation, he appeared to interest himself
+greatly in my behalf, promising a great deal, which he never remembered
+till the last year of his life, when I no longer stood in need of his
+assistance.  The young Marquis of Sennecterre, whose father was then
+ambassador at Turin, passed through Chambery at the same time, and dined
+one day at M. de Menthon's, when I happened to be among the guests.
+After dinner; the discourse turned on music, which the marquis understood
+extremely well.  The opera of 'Jephtha' was then new; he mentioned this
+piece, it was brought him, and he made me tremble by proposing to execute
+it between us.  He opened the book at that celebrated double chorus,
+
+                    La Terra, l'Enfer, le Ciel meme,
+                    Tout tremble devant le Seigneur!
+
+               [The Earth, and Hell, and Heaven itself,
+               tremble before the Lord!]
+
+He said, "How many parts will you take?  I will do these six."  I had not
+yet been accustomed to this trait of French vivacity, and though
+acquainted with divisions, could not comprehend how one man could
+undertake to perform six, or even two parts at the same time.  Nothing
+has cost me more trouble in music than to skip lightly from one part to
+another, and have the eye at once on a whole division.  By the manner in
+which I evaded this trial, he must have been inclined to believe I did
+not understand music, and perhaps it was to satisfy himself in this
+particular that he proposed my noting a song for Mademoiselle de Menthon,
+in such a manner that I could not avoid it.  He sang this song, and I
+wrote from his voice, without giving him much trouble to repeat it.  When
+finished he read my performance, and said (which was very true) that it
+was very correctly noted.  He had observed my embarrassment, and now
+seemed to enhance the merit of this little success.  In reality, I then
+understood music very well, and only wanted that quickness at first sight
+which I possess in no one particular, and which is only to be acquired in
+this art by long and constant practice.  Be that as it may, I was fully
+sensible of his kindness in endeavoring to efface from the minds of
+others, and even from my own, the embarrassment I had experienced on this
+occasion.  Twelve or fifteen years afterwards, meeting this gentleman at
+several houses in Paris, I was tempted to make him recollect this
+anecdote, and show him I still remembered it; but he had lost his sight
+since that time; I feared to give him pain by recalling to his memory how
+useful it formerly had been to him, and was therefore silent on that
+subject.
+
+I now touch on the moment that binds my past existence to the present,
+some friendships of that period, prolonged to the present time, being
+very dear to me, have frequently made me regret that happy obscurity,
+when those who called themselves my friends were really so; loved me for
+myself, through pure good will, and not from the vanity of being
+acquainted with a conspicuous character, perhaps for the secret purpose
+of finding more occasions to injure him.
+
+From this time I date my first acquaintance with my old friend
+Gauffecourt, who, notwithstanding every effort to disunite us, has still
+remained so.--Still remained so!--No, alas!  I have just lost him!--but
+his affection terminated only with his life--death alone could put a
+period to our friendship.  Monsieur de Gauffecourt was one of the most
+amiable men that ever existed; it was impossible to see him without
+affection, or to live with him without feeling a sincere attachment.
+In my life I never saw features more expressive of goodness and serenity,
+or that marked more feeling, more understanding, or inspired greater
+confidence.  However reserved one might be, it was impossible even at
+first sight to avoid being as free with him as if he had been an
+acquaintance of twenty years; for myself, who find so much difficulty
+to be at ease among new faces, I was familiar with him in a moment.
+His manner, accent, and conversation, perfectly suited his features:
+the sound of his voice was clear, full and musical; it was an agreeable
+and expressive bass, which satisfied the ear, and sounded full upon the
+heart.  It was impossible to possess a more equal and pleasing vivacity,
+or more real and unaffected gracefulness, more natural talents, or
+cultivated with greater taste; join to all these good qualities an
+affectionate heart, but loving rather too diffusively, and bestowing his
+favors with too little caution; serving his friends with zeal, or rather
+making himself the friend of every one he could serve, yet contriving
+very dexterously to manage his own affairs, while warmly pursuing the
+interests of others.
+
+Gauffecourt was the son of a clock-maker, and would have been a clock-
+maker himself had not his person and desert called him to a superior
+situation.  He became acquainted with M. de la Closure, the French
+Resident at Geneva, who conceived a friendship for him, and procured him
+some connections at Paris, which were useful, and through whose influence
+he obtained the privilege of furnishing the salts of Valais, which was
+worth twenty thousand livres a year.  This very amply satisfied his
+wishes with respect to fortune, but with regard to women he was more
+difficult; he had to provide for his own happiness, and did what he
+supposed most conducive to it.  What renders his character most
+remarkable, and does him the greatest honor, is, that though connected
+with all conditions, he was universally esteemed and sought after without
+being envied or hated by any one, and I really believe he passed through
+life without a single enemy.--Happy man!
+
+He went every year to the baths of Aix, where the best company from the
+neighboring countries resorted, and being on terms of friendship with all
+the nobility of Savoy, came from Aix to Chambery to see the young Count
+de Bellegarde and his father the Marquis of Antremont.  It was here Madam
+de Warrens introduced me to him, and this acquaintance, which appeared at
+that time to end in nothing, after many years had elapsed, was renewed on
+an occasion which I should relate, when it became a real friendship.
+I apprehend I am sufficiently authorized in speaking of a man to whom I
+was so firmly attached, but I had no personal interest in what concerned
+him; he was so truly amiable, and born with so many natural good
+qualities that, for the honor of human nature, I should think it
+necessary to preserve his memory.  This man, estimable as he certainly
+was, had, like other mortals, some failings, as will be seen hereafter;
+perhaps had it not been so, he would have been less amiable, since,
+to render him as interesting as possible, it was necessary he should
+sometimes act in such a manner as to require a small portion of
+indulgence.
+
+Another connection of the same time, that is not yet extinguished,
+and continues to flatter me with the idea of temporal happiness,
+which it is so difficult to obliterate from the human heart, is Monsieur
+de Conzie, a Savoyard gentleman, then young and amiable, who had a fancy
+to learn music, or rather to be acquainted with the person who taught it.
+With great understanding and taste for polite acquirements, M. de Conzie
+possessed a mildness of disposition which rendered him extremely
+attractive, and my temper being somewhat similar, when it found a
+counterpart, our friendship was soon formed.  The seeds of literature and
+philosophy, which began to ferment in my brain, and only waited for
+culture and emulation to spring up, found in him exactly what was wanting
+to render them prolific.  M. de Conzie had no great inclination to music,
+and even this was useful to me, for the hours destined for lessons were
+passed anyhow rather than musically; we breakfasted, chatted, and read
+new publications, but not a word of music.
+
+The correspondence between Voltaire and the Prince Royal of Prussia, then
+made a noise in the world, and these celebrated men were frequently the
+subject of our conversation, one of whom recently seated on a throne,
+already indicated what he would prove himself hereafter, while the other,
+as much disgraced as he is now admired, made us sincerely lament the
+misfortunes that seemed to pursue him, and which are so frequently the
+appendage of superior talents.  The Prince of Prussia had not been happy
+in his youth, and it appeared that Voltaire was formed never to be so.
+The interest we took in both parties extended to all that concerned them,
+and nothing that Voltaire wrote escaped us.  The inclination I felt for
+these performances inspired me with a desire to write elegantly, and
+caused me to endeavor to imitate the colorings of that author, with whom
+I was so much enchanted.  Some time after, his philosophical letters
+(though certainly not his best work) greatly augmented my fondness for
+study; it was a rising inclination, which, from that time, has never been
+extinguished.
+
+But the moment was not yet arrived when I should give into it entirely;
+my rambling disposition (rather contracted than eradicated) being kept
+alive by our manner of living at Madam de Warrens, which was too
+unsettled for one of my solitary temper.  The crowd of strangers who
+daily swarmed about her from all parts, and the certainty I was in that
+these people sought only to dupe her, each in his particular mode,
+rendered home disagreeable.  Since I had succeeded Anet in the confidence
+of his mistress, I had strictly examined her circumstances, and saw their
+evil tendency with horror.  I had remonstrated a hundred times, prayed,
+argued, conjured, but all to no purpose.  I had thrown myself at her
+feet, and strongly represented the catastrophe that threatened her, had
+earnestly entreated that she would reform her expenses, and begin with
+myself, representing that it was better to suffer something while she was
+yet young, than by multiplying her debts and creditors, expose her old
+age to vexation and misery.
+
+Sensible of the sincerity of my zeal, she was frequently affected, and
+would then make the finest promises in the world: but only let an artful
+schemer arrive, and in an instant all her good resolutions were
+forgotten.  After a thousand proofs of the inefficacy of my
+remonstrances, what remained but to turn away my eyes from the ruin
+I could not prevent; and fly myself from the door I could not guard!
+I made therefore little journeys to Geneva and Lyons, which diverted my
+mind in some measure from this secret uneasiness, though it increased the
+cause by these additional expenses.  I can truly aver that I should have
+acquiesed with pleasure in every retrenchment, had Madam de Warrens
+really profited by it, but being persuaded that what I might refuse
+myself would be distributed among a set of interested villains, I took
+advantage of her easiness to partake with them, and, like the dog
+returning from the shambles, carried off a portion of that morsel which I
+could not protect.
+
+Pretences were not wanting for all these journeys; even Madam de Warrens
+would alone have supplied me with more than were necessary, having plenty
+of connections, negotiations, affairs, and commissions, which she wished
+to have executed by some trusty hand.  In these cases she usually applied
+to me; I was always willing to go, and consequently found occasions
+enough to furnish out a rambling kind of life.  These excursions procured
+me some good connections, which have since been agreeable or useful to
+me.  Among others, I met at Lyons, with M. Perrichon, whose friendship I
+accuse myself with not having sufficiently cultivated, considering the
+kindness he had for me; and that of the good Parisot, which I shall speak
+of in its place, at Grenoble, that of Madam Deybens and Madam la
+Presidente de Bardonanche, a woman of great understanding, and who would
+have entertained a friendship for me had it been in my power to have seen
+her oftener; at Geneva, that of M. de Closure, the French Resident, who
+often spoke to me of my mother, the remembrance of whom neither death nor
+time had erased from his heart; likewise those of the two Barillots, the
+father, who was very amiable, a good companion, and one of the most
+worthy men I ever met, calling me his grandson.  During the troubles of
+the republic, these two citizens took contrary sides, the son siding with
+the people, the father with the magistrates.  When they took up arms in
+1737, I was at Geneva, and saw the father and son quit the same house
+armed, the one going to the townhouse, the other to his quarters, almost
+certain to meet face to face in the course of two hours, and prepared to
+give or receive death from each other.  This unnatural sight made so
+lively an impression on me, that I solemnly vowed never to interfere in
+any civil war, nor assist in deciding our internal dispute by arms,
+either personally or by my influence, should I ever enter into my rights
+as a citizen.  I can bring proofs of having kept this oath on a very
+delicate occasion, and it will be confessed (at least I should suppose
+so) that this moderation was of some worth.
+
+But I had not yet arrived at that fermentation of patriotism which the
+first sight of Geneva in arms has since excited in my heart, as may be
+conjectured by a very grave fact that will not tell to my advantage,
+which I forgot to put in its proper place, but which ought not to be
+omitted.
+
+My uncle Bernard died at Carolina, where he had been employed some years
+in the building of Charles Town, which he had formed the plan of.  My
+poor cousin, too, died in the Prussian service; thus my aunt lost, nearly
+at the same period, her son and husband.  These losses reanimated in some
+measure her affection for the nearest relative she had remaining, which
+was myself.  When I went to Geneva, I reckoned her house my home, and
+amused myself with rummaging and turning over the books and papers my
+uncle had left.  Among them I found some curious ones, and some letters
+which they certainly little thought of.  My aunt, who set no store by
+these dusty papers, would willingly have given the whole to me, but I
+contented myself with two or three books, with notes written by the
+Minister Bernard, my grandfather, and among the rest, the posthumous
+works of Rohault in quarto, the margins of which were full of excellent
+commentaries, which gave me an inclination to the mathematics.  This book
+remained among those of Madam de Warrens, and I have since lamented that
+I did not preserve it.  To these I added five or six memorials in
+manuscript, and a printed one, composed by the famous Micheli Ducret, a
+man of considerable talents, being both learned and enlightened, but too
+much, perhaps, inclined to sedition, for which he was cruelly treated by
+the magistrates of Geneva, and lately died in the fortress of Arberg,
+where he had been confined many years, for being, as it was said,
+concerned in the conspiracy of Berne.
+
+This memorial was a judicious critique on the extensive but ridiculous
+plan of fortification, which had been adopted at Geneva, though censured
+by every person of judgment in the art, who was unacquainted with the
+secret motives of the council, in the execution of this magnificent
+enterprise.  Monsieur de Micheli, who had been excluded from the
+committee of fortification for having condemned this plan, thought that,
+as a citizen, and a member of the two hundred, he might give his advice,
+at large, and therefore, did so in this memorial, which he was imprudent
+enough to have printed, though he never published it, having only those
+copies struck off which were meant for the two hundred, and which were
+all intercepted at the post-house by order of the Senate.
+
+     [The grand council of Geneva in December, 1728, pronounced this
+     paper highly disrespectful to the councils, and injurious to the
+     committee of fortification.]
+
+I found this memorial among my uncle's papers, with the answer he had
+been ordered to make to it, and took both.  This was soon after I had
+left my place at the survey, and I yet remained on good terms with the
+Counsellor de Coccelli, who had the management of it.  Some time after,
+the director of the custom-house entreated me to stand godfather to his
+child, with Madam Coccelli, who was to be godmother: proud of being
+placed on such terms of equality with the counsellor, I wished to assume
+importance, and show myself worthy of that honor.
+
+Full of this idea, I thought I could do nothing better than show him
+Micheli's memorial, which was really a scarce piece, and would prove I
+was connected with people of consequence in Geneva, who were intrusted
+with the secrets of the state, yet by a kind of reserve which I should
+find it difficult to account for, I did not show him my uncle's answer,
+perhaps, because it was manuscript, and nothing less than print was
+worthy to approach the counsellor.  He understood, however, so well the
+importance of this paper, which I had the folly to put into his hands,
+that I could never after get it into my possession, and being convinced
+that every effort for that purpose would be ineffectual, I made a merit
+of my forbearance, transforming the theft into a present.  I made no
+doubt that this writing (more curious, however, than useful) answered his
+purpose at the court of Turin, where probably he took care to be
+reimbursed in some way or other for the expense which the acquisition of
+it might be supposed to have cost him.  Happily, of all future
+contingencies, the least probable, is, that ever the King of Sardina
+should besiege Geneva, but as that event is not absolutely impossible, I
+shall ever reproach my foolish vanity with having been the means of
+pointing out the greatest defects of that city to its most ancient enemy.
+
+I passed three or four years in this manner, between music, magestry,
+projects, and journeys, floating incessantly from one object to another,
+and wishing to fix though I knew not on what, but insensibly inclining
+towards study.  I was acquainted with men of letters, I had heard them
+speak of literature, and sometimes mingled in the conversation, yet
+rather adopted the jargon of books, than the knowledge they contained.
+In my excursions to Geneva, I frequently called on my good old friend
+Monsieur Simon, who greatly promoted my rising emulation by fresh news
+from the republic of letters, extracted from Baillet on Colomies.  I
+frequently saw too, at Chambery, a Dominican professor of physic, a good
+kind of friar, whose name I have forgotten, who often made little
+chemical experiments which greatly amused me.  In imitation of him, I
+attempted to make some sympathetic ink, and having for that purpose more
+than half filled a bottle with quicklime, orpiment, and water, the
+effervescence immediately became extremely violent; I ran to unstop the
+bottle, but had not time to effect it, for, during the attempt, it burst
+in my face like a bomb, and I swallowed so much of the orpiment and lime,
+that it nearly cost me my life.  I remained blind for six weeks, and by
+the event of this experiment learned to meddle no more with experimental
+Chemistry while the elements were unknown to me.
+
+This adventure happened very unluckily for my health, which, for some
+time past, had been visibly on the decline.  This was rather
+extraordinary, as I was guilty of no kind of excess; nor could it have
+been expected from my make, for my chest, being well formed and rather
+capacious, seemed to give my lungs full liberty to play; yet I was short
+breathed, felt a very sensible oppression, sighed involuntarily, had
+palpitations of the heart, and spitting of blood, accompanied with a
+lingering fever, which I have never since entirely overcome.  How is it
+possible to fall into such a state in the flower of one's age, without
+any inward decay, or without having done anything to destroy health?
+
+It is sometimes said, "the sword wears the scabbard," this was truly the
+case with me: the violence of my passions both kept me alive and hastened
+my dissolution.  What passions?  will be asked: mere nothings: the most
+trivial objects in nature, but which affected me as forcibly as if the
+acquisition of a Helen, or the throne of the universe were at stake.
+My senses, for instance, were at ease with one woman, but my heart never
+was, and the necessities of love consumed me in the very bosom of
+happiness.  I had a tender, respected and lovely friend, but I sighed for
+a mistress; my prolific fancy painted her as such, and gave her a
+thousand forms, for had I conceived that my endearments had been lavished
+on Madam de Warrens, they would not have been less tender, though
+infinitely more tranquil.  But is it possible for man to taste, in their
+utmost extent, the delights of love?  I cannot tell, but I am persuaded
+my frail existence would have sunk under the weight of them.
+
+I was, therefore, dying for love without an object, and this state,
+perhaps, is, of all others, the most dangerous.  I was likewise uneasy,
+tormented at the bad state of poor Madam de Warrens' circumstances, and
+the imprudence of her conduct, which could not fail to bring them, in a
+short time, to total ruin.  My tortured imagination (which ever paints
+misfortunes in the extremity) continually beheld this in its utmost
+excess, and in all the horror of its consequences.  I already saw myself
+forced by want to quit her--to whom I had consecrated my future life, and
+without whom I could not hope for happiness: thus was my soul continually
+agitated, and hopes and fears devoured me alternately.
+
+Music was a passion less turbulent, but not less consuming, from the
+ardor with which I attached myself to it, by the obstinate study of the
+obscure books of Rameau; by an invincible resolution to charge my memory
+with rules it could not contain; by continual application, and by long
+and immense compilations which I frequently passed whole nights in
+copying: but why dwell on these particularly, while every folly that took
+possession of my wandering brain, the most transient ideas of a single
+day, a journey, a concert, a supper, a walk, a novel to read, a play to
+see, things in the world the least premeditated in my pleasures or
+occupation became for me the most violent passions, which by their
+ridiculous impetuosity conveyed the most serious torments; even the
+imaginary misfortunes of Cleveland, read with avidity and frequent
+interruption, have, I am persuaded, disordered me more than my own.
+
+There was a Genevese, named Bagueret, who had been employed under Peter
+the Great, of the court of Russia, one of the most worthless, senseless
+fellows I ever met with; full of projects as foolish as himself, which
+were to rain down millions on those who took part in them.  This man,
+having come to Chambery on account of some suit depending before the
+senate, immediately got acquainted with Madam de Warrens, and with great
+reason on his side, since for those imaginary treasures that cost him
+nothing, and which he bestowed with the utmost prodigality, he gained,
+in exchange, the unfortunate crown pieces one by one out of her pocket.
+I did not like him, and he plainly perceived this, for with me it is not
+a very difficult discovery, nor did he spare any sort of meanness to gain
+my good will, and among other things proposed teaching me to play at
+chess, which game he understood something of.  I made an attempt, though
+almost against my inclination, and after several efforts, having learned
+the march, my progress was so rapid, that before the end of the first
+sitting I gave him the rook, which in the beginning he had given me.
+Nothing more was necessary; behold me fascinated with chess!  I buy a
+board, with the rest of the apparatus, and shutting myself up in my
+chamber, pass whole days and nights in studying all the varieties of the
+game, being determined by playing alone, without end or relaxation, to
+drive them into my head, right or wrong.  After incredible efforts,
+during two or three months passed in this curious employment, I go to the
+coffee-house, thin, sallow, and almost stupid; I seat myself, and again
+attack M. Bagueret: he beats me, once, twice, twenty times; so many
+combinations were fermenting in my head, and my imagination was so
+stupefied, that all appeared confusion.  I tried to exercise myself with
+Phitidor's or Stamina's book of instructions, but I was still equally
+perplexed, and, after having exhausted myself with fatigue, was further
+to seek than ever, and whether I abandoned my chess for a time, or
+resolved to surmount every difficulty by unremitted practice, it was the
+same thing.  I could never advance one step beyond the improvement of the
+first sitting, nay, I am convinced that had I studied it a thousand ages,
+I should have ended by being able to give Bagueret the rook and nothing
+more.
+
+It will be said my time was well employed, and not a little of it passed
+in this occupation, nor did I quit my first essay till unable to persist
+in it, for on leaving my apartment I had the appearance of a corpse, and
+had I continued this course much longer I should certainly have been one.
+
+Any one will allow that it would have been extraordinary, especially in
+the ardor of youth, that such a head should suffer the body to enjoy
+continued health; the alteration of mine had an effect on my temper,
+moderating the ardor of my chimerical fancies, for as I grew weaker they
+became more tranquil, and I even lost, in some measure, my rage for
+travelling.  I was not seized with heaviness, but melancholy; vapors
+succeeded passions, languor became sorrow: I wept and sighed without
+cause, and felt my life ebbing away before I had enjoyed it.  I only
+trembled to think of the situation in which I should leave my dear Madam
+de Warrens; and I can truly say, that quitting her, and leaving her in
+these melancholy circumstances, was my only concern.  At length I fell
+quite ill, and was nursed by her as never mother nursed a child.  The
+care she took of me was of real utility to her affairs, since it diverted
+her mind from schemes, and kept projectors at a distance.  How pleasing
+would death have been at that time, when, if I had not tasted many of the
+pleasures of life, I had felt but few of its misfortunes.  My tranquil
+soul would have taken her flight, without having experienced those cruel
+ideas of the injustice of mankind which embitters both life and death.
+I should have enjoyed the sweet consolation that I still survived in the
+dearer part of myself: in the situation I then was, it could hardly be
+called death; and had I been divested of my uneasiness on her account,
+it would have appeared but a gentle sleep; yet even these disquietudes
+had such an affectionate and tender turn, that their bitterness was
+tempered by a pleasing sensibility.  I said to her, "You are the
+depository of my whole being, act so that I may be happy."  Two or three
+times, when my disorder was most violent, I crept to her apartment to
+give her my advice respecting her future conduct; and I dare affirm these
+admonitions were both wise and equitable, in which the interest I took in
+her future concerns was strongly marked.  As if tears had been both
+nourishment and medicine, I found myself the better for those I shed with
+her, while seated on her bed-side, and holding her hands between mine.
+The hours crept insensibly away in these nocturnal discourses; I returned
+to my chamber better than I had quitted it, being content and calmed by
+the promises she made, and the hopes with which she had inspired me:
+I slept on them with my heart at peace, and fully resigned to the
+dispensations of Providence.  God grant, that after having had so many
+reasons to hate life, after being agitated with so many storms, after it
+has even become a burden, that death, which must terminate all, may be no
+more terrible than it would have been at that moment!
+
+By inconceivable care and vigilance, she saved my life; and I am
+convinced she alone could have done this.  I have little faith in the
+skill of physicians, but depend greatly on the assistance of real
+friends, and am persuaded that being easy in those particulars on which
+our happiness depends, is more salutary than any other application.  If
+there is a sensation in life peculiarly delightful, we experienced it in
+being restored to each other; our mutual attachment did not increase, for
+that was impossible, but it became, I know not how, more exquisitely
+tender, fresh softness being added to its former simplicity.  I became in
+a manner her work; we got into the habit, though without design, of being
+continually with each other, and enjoying, in some measure, our whole
+existence together, feeling reciprocally that we were not only necessary,
+but entirely sufficient for each other's happiness.  Accustomed to think
+of no subject foreign to ourselves, our happiness and all our desires
+were confined to that pleasing and singular union, which, perhaps, had no
+equal, which is not, as I have before observed, love, but a sentiment
+inexpressibly more intimate, neither depending on the senses, age, nor
+figure, but an assemblage of every endearing sensation that composes our
+rational existence and which can cease only with our being.
+
+How was it that this delightful crisis did not secure our mutual felicity
+for the remainder of her life and mine?  I have the consoling conviction
+that it was not my fault; nay, I am persuaded, she did not wilfully
+destroy it; the invincible peculiarity of my disposition was doomed soon
+to regain its empire; but this fatal return was not suddenly
+accomplished, there was, thank Heaven, a short but precious interval,
+that did not conclude by my fault, and which I cannot reproach myself
+with having employed amiss.
+
+Though recovered from my dangerous illness, I did not regain my strength;
+my stomach was weak, some remains of the fever kept me in a languishing
+condition, and the only inclination I was sensible of, was to end my days
+near one so truly dear to me; to confirm her in those good resolutions
+she had formed; to convince her in what consisted the real charms of a
+happy life, and, as far as depended on me, to render hers so; but I
+foresaw that in a gloomy, melancholy house, the continual solitude of our
+tete-a-tetes would at length become too dull and monotonous: a remedy
+presented itself: Madam de Warrens had prescribed milk for me, and
+insisted that I should take it in the country; I consented, provided she
+would accompany me; nothing more was necessary to gain her compliance,
+and whither we should go was all that remained to be determined on.  Our
+garden (which I have before mentioned) was not properly in the country,
+being surrounded by houses and other gardens, and possessing none of
+those attractions so desirable in a rural retreat; besides, after the
+death of Anet, we had given up this place from economical principles,
+feeling no longer a desire to rear plants, and other views making us not
+regret the loss of that little retreat.  Improving the distaste I found
+she began to imbibe for the town, I proposed to abandon it entirely, and
+settle ourselves in an agreeable solitude, in some small house, distant
+enough from the city to avoid the perpetual intrusion of her hangers-on.
+She followed my advice, and this plan, which her good angel and mine
+suggested, might fully have secured our happiness and tranquility till
+death had divided us--but this was not the state we were appointed to;
+Madam de Warrens was destined to endure all the sorrows of indigence and
+poverty, after having passed the former part of her life in abundance,
+that she might learn to quit it with the less regret; and myself, by an
+assemblage of misfortunes of all kinds, was to become a striking example
+to those who, inspired with a love of justice and the public good, and
+trusting too implicitly to their own innocence, shall openly dare to
+assert truth to mankind, unsupported by cabals, or without having
+previously formed parties to protect them.
+
+An unhappy fear furnished some objections to our plan: she did not dare
+to quit her ill-contrived house, for fear of displeasing the proprietor.
+"Your proposed retirement is charming," said she, "and much to my taste,
+but we are necessitated to remain here, for, on quitting this dungeon,
+I hazard losing the very means of life, and when these fail us in the
+woods, we must again return to seek them in the city.  That we may have
+the least possible cause for being reduced to this necessity, let us not
+leave this house entirely, but pay a small pension to the Count of Saint-
+-Laurent, that he may continue mine.  Let us seek some little habitation,
+far enough from the town to be at peace, yet near enough to return when
+it may appear convenient."
+
+This mode was finally adopted; and after some small search, we fixed at
+Charmettes, on an estate belonging to M. de Conzie, at a very small
+distance from Chambery; but as retired and solitary as if it had been a
+hundred leagues off.  The spot we had concluded on was a valley between
+two tolerably high hills, which ran north and south; at the bottom, among
+the trees and pebbles, ran a rivulet, and above the declivity, on either
+side, were scattered a number of houses, forming altogether a beautiful
+retreat for those who love a peaceful romantic asylum.  After having
+examined two or three of these houses, we chose that which we thought the
+most pleasing, which was the property of a gentleman of the army, called
+M. Noiret.  This house was in good condition, before it a garden, forming
+a terrace; below that on the declivity an orchard, and on the ascent,
+behind the house, a vineyard: a little wood of chestnut trees opposite; a
+fountain just by, and higher up the hill, meadows for the cattle; in
+short, all that could be thought necessary for the country retirement we
+proposed to establish.  To the best of my remembrance, we took possession
+of it toward the latter end of the summer Of 1736.  I was delighted on
+going to sleep there--"Oh!"  said I, to this dear friend, embracing her
+with tears of tenderness and delight, "this is the abode of happiness and
+innocence; if we do not find them here together it will be in vain to
+seek them elsewhere."
+
+
+
+
+ETEXT EDITOR'S BOOKMARKS:
+
+Adopted the jargon of books, than the knowledge they contained
+Dying for love without an object
+Have the pleasure of seeing an ass ride on horseback
+Idleness is as much the pest of society as of solitude
+If you have nothing to do, you must absolutely speak continually
+In a nation of blind men, those with one eye are kings
+Injustice of mankind which embitters both life and death
+Not so easy to quit her house as to enter it
+Sin consisted only in the scandal
+Trusting too implicitly to their own innocence
+Voltaire was formed never to be (happy)
+When everyone is busy, you may continue silent
+Whose discourses began by a distribution of millions
+
+
+
+
+End of this Project Gutenberg Etext of The Confessions of Rousseau, v5
+by Jean Jacques Rousseau
+
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