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You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: Bimmie Says - -Author: Sydney Van Scyoc - -Release Date: December 30, 2015 [EBook #50800] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BIMMIE SAYS *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - -</pre> - - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/cover.jpg" width="396" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="titlepage"> -<h1>Bimmie Says</h1> - -<p>By SYDNEY VAN SCYOC</p> - -<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from -<br />Galaxy Magazine October 1962.<br /> -Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br /> -the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p> - -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="ph3"><i>Bimmie says people are stupid. Bimmie says he can help them—but<br /> -they're not really worth his trouble, Bimmie says!</i></p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p><i>June 27, 1982</i> Bimmie said to do this, keep a diary. I said, Cows? He -said, You deaf, woman? A book! Then I remembered, only I haven't seen -one. It's for when he's famous. Then we can have it published anytime -we need money.</p> - -<p>I'd better tell about us. I'm short, sort of cute, and I cook good. -Bimmie's tall and skinny, he likes to eat. He's 18, I'm 16. We got -married 22 days ago. Instead of a fancy wedding, Bimmie told my folks, -Give us money.</p> - -<p>He needed the money for his laboratory. It's in the basement. It's -what'll make him famous.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>June 31, 1982</i> We got a cat and dog. They're black and two months old. -I wanted red collars. Bimmie said, Don't waste my money, woman.</p> - -<p>Bimmie wanted them down in his laboratory. He said that'd be proper -conditions. I said, No, I'll leave if you do and you'll have to eat -capsules.</p> - -<p>The cat's he, the dog's she. Bimmie doesn't want them outside, ever.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>July 3, 1982</i> We thought Bimmie's folks'd change their minds. But they -said, Finally and conclusively, we won't. Bimmie says he doesn't want -to go to college if they're stingy because we got married. He already -knows everything important.</p> - -<p>He wants me to finish school. I can finish in December. I thought when -you got married you didn't have to, just slept late and fixed your hair.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>July 9, 1982</i> The puppy's Susta, the cat's Sup. Susta's jealous -because Sup jumps on the couch, and she can't.</p> - -<p>Bimmie'll have to make pills for Susta. She hides from his needle. -She'll be small. That's good, Bimmie says.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>August 17, 1982</i> He just married me to cook! Every night he's in his -laboratory. I'm always in this stupid, <i>ugly</i> house.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>August 18, 1982</i> Susta won't change for a long time. Bimmie has pills -now.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>September 1, 1982</i> School started. Frankie's still stuck on me. He -says I'm sexy, that's why Bimmie married me. I said, He married me for -my cooking. He laughed.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>September 11, 1982</i> I felt funny again. I stopped by Momma's. She bets -she knows what it is. She knew after ten days.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>September 15, 1982</i> I had to ask the school nurse if it was that. She -said, Yes, two weeks. I hope she's wrong. Babies are work. She said, -But the fulfillment. I said, Changing soppy diapers is what you call -fulfillment?</p> - -<p>It doesn't show. Frankie winked at me.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>September 17, 1982</i> The cat climbed those lace curtains Bimmie's -mother gave us. Bimmie said it was my job to watch him. I said, That's -a stupid way to spend my life. He said, I didn't marry you to have you -sit around and do nothing.</p> - -<p>Susta watched Sup and whined. She wants to be a cat.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>September 27, 1982</i> Bimmie read my diary. He said there wasn't a June -31. He says to tell more about his work. It won't make money if he's -not in it.</p> - -<p>I told him about the baby. He said, Whoopee! He got some obstetrics -books.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>October 5, 1982</i> Bimmie expects the baby to kick already. I'm glad it -doesn't! He made the puppy's pills tonight.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>October 7, 1982</i> I let them outside. The smell in the house turns my -stomach. I'm afraid to take the pills Bimmie made me.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>October 9, 1982</i> I let them out again. There's a black dog next door -with a long nose, ears like rosebuds and white feet. Susta was scared. -Sup hissed.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>October 25, 1982</i> Bimmie's so nice. He took me to a tridiversion. He -hates them. He said, They're for the cloddy-minded masses. I said, -Well, what are we?</p> - -<p>I want a tridiversion wall. Bimmie says, No. We had a fight.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>October 30, 1982</i> I took a pill Bimmie made. I felt good.</p> - -<p>I let them out. It beats cleaning up. Susta played with that dog.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>November 7, 1982</i> I went to Dr. Brantly. He hypnotized me. I don't -remember it.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>December 13, 1982</i> Susta's leaving spots. I thought, She's hurt. -Bimmie explained and said, Don't let her out. He wants to wait till -next time to have puppies. He said, The treatment must take full effect -first. He explained but I didn't understand.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>January 5, 1983</i> I'm out of school. It's boring. Momma says I'm too -young to settle down. She's crazy. I'm sixteen.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>January 11, 1983</i> Bimmie's reading more obstetrics books. Hypnotism -too. He tried to hypnotize me, but I went to sleep.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>January 14, 1983</i> I wish Momma would stop. She said, Where're you -going to put a baby, with only one bedroom. She cried and called me -Baby. Gosh! She said, You shouldn't have cats around babies, you'll -have to give him away.</p> - -<p>Bimmie heard, from the bedroom. He came out. He said, I am conducting -an important scientific experiment with the cat and dog. I would as -soon give away the baby. Momma got white under her plasti-skin. She -said, Bimmie, you're a monster for experimenting on dumb animals. And -for rejecting your own child.</p> - -<p>Then Sup climbed the curtains Momma gave us. She shrieked, You're -ungrateful! and huffed out.</p> - -<p>She came back later, asking us to forgive her. She said she wanted to -help, since we're both still children. Well!</p> - -<p>I do wonder where we'll put the baby. Maybe on the couch.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>February 17, 1983</i> I had to tell Bimmie I was letting them out. Sup -fought with the dog next door. Bimmie got mad. He told me, They must -have a controlled environment. I said, It's hard for me to bend over -to clean up. Finally he said he'd clean up and wasn't it funny Sup and -that dog knew they were rivals.</p> - -<p>I didn't know myself.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>March 17, 1983</i> I saw Dr. Brantly today. He says I'm fine. I tried to -remember him putting me in the trance, but I couldn't.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>April 19, 1983</i> Saw Dr. Brantly. Sup pulled the curtains down. Susta -isn't jealous any more, she's playing with a string.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>May 9, 1983</i> I'm writing this next day. Last night I had this sharp -pain. I said, Bimmie, call Dr. Brantly. I remember him looking at me -funny. That's all I remember until I woke up in the hospital. Bimmie -was sitting beside me, looking proud. I asked him, What's happened? -He grinned. We have a nine-pound son, he said. I named him after the -man who delivered him. I said, Did I faint? That wasn't the way it was -explained, just that Dr. Brantly would put me in a trance. Bimmie was -too busy grinning to say, then he had to go to work. The doctor came -in. I said, It wasn't bad, I only felt one pain. He frowned. I said, -Can I see the baby? He said, Later. He went out too.</p> - -<p>I thought I must have cussed.</p> - -<p>I didn't understand until the nurse brought the baby. He had a little -plastic bracelet that said Bimford Fost, Jr. He was red and squalling. -I felt like doing the same, because I knew why Bimmie had been studying -those obstetrics books. He has to try everything!</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>May 21, 1983</i> I'm seventeen today. Bimmie says to write more. He -thinks that's all I have to do. The baby sleeps all the time he isn't -crying. I like him, only I'm tired of diapers.</p> - -<p>Susta gets three pills every day. She plays with them, then eats them. -Bimmie said last night, It won't be long until my experiment bears -fruit. He said to write that here.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>June 3, 1983</i> Susta tried to climb the curtains.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>June 5, 1983</i> Bimmie wanted to give the baby some pills he made. I -said, No. He said, They'll make him smarter, woman. I said, He's enough -trouble dumb.</p> - -<p>Today was our first anniversary. Bimmie wouldn't buy me anything.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>June 9, 1983</i> We fought about a dryer. After he left I said, For that -I'll let your animals out. The dog next door came up. Susta arched her -back.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>June 21, 1983</i> I've been putting them out every day.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>June 25, 1983</i> Bimmie says to write every day, his experiment is -coming to a head. I can't see anything happening. Susta gets six pills -now.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>June 27,1983</i> The dog's that way again. Bimmie said, At last my -experiment shall be carried to completion. Not that I care for fame -and riches, no, I care only for the accomplishment of something man has -never before achieved. I said he didn't sound natural. He said, Put it -down that way, woman.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>June 29, 1983</i> Bimmie wanted to feed the baby. I caught him before he -gave him a pill. We fought. He said, Who delivered him? I said, I made -him, and pointed to my stomach. I said, I won't have you using him like -a guinea pig.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>July 4, 1983</i> Bimmie says tomorrow we'll shut them up in the basement.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>July 5, 1983</i> The funniest thing. Bimmie said, You put them in the -basement. Then he left. I thought, I'll just take them out while I -hang diapers. But when we went out, three dogs came up. I said, Scat! -I couldn't chase them because I had my arms full of diapers, because -Bimmie won't buy me a basket. They came closer, edging around. I -stomped my feet and yelled. The dog next door came and growled. Then -Sup hissed at him. This was the first the other three saw Sup. He -hunched up, spitting and intending to chase them off. Only they took -out after him instead. He ran off with four dogs after him. I couldn't -do anything, my arms were full.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>July 6, 1983</i> Bimmie didn't think it was funny. He yelled, What are -you, stupid? Didn't you know dogs would come around? Didn't you know -dogs chase cats? He took the car and called, Kitty, kitty, all over -town. No luck. I said, Get another cat. He said, This one is used to -Susta. I said, There'll be another time. He stared at me and said -Susta's system would tolerate only so much of the stuff he's been -giving her. He can't give her any more after next month. He'll have to -wait another year. Then he went looking again.</p> - -<p>That was last night. Maybe he'll come home tonight.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>July 7, 1983</i> He hasn't. Bimmie's biting his fingernails. He'd bite -harder if he knew what happened today.</p> - -<p>I thought Susta was asleep when I went to hang diapers. I had my arms -clear full. When I opened the door, Susta shot past me. I yelled at -her, but she went flying down the street, and I saw that dog next door -take off behind her. I thought first thing, It's Bimmie's fault for not -buying a dryer.</p> - -<p>I hung the clothes fast. After all, nothing could happen in such a -short time. Then I started up the street calling, Here Susta! But the -baby was alone, I had to hurry home.</p> - -<p>She came back in half an hour. I didn't tell Bimmie yet.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>July 8, 1983</i> I didn't tell him, still. He was mad because he had to -pay to get Sup out of the pound. Bimmie salved his ears, they were -torn, and put them in the basement. He said, Now!</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>July 15, 1983</i> Bimmie says to write every day. It's dull, them in the -basement. They come up tomorrow.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>July 23, 1983</i> Susta acts funnier than ever. She rubs my legs when I'm -cooking. She keeps wetting her paws and rubbing her face.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>August 3, 1983</i> Today I caught Susta sharpening her claws on the -couch. I said, Bimmie, look at the crazy dog, thinks she's a cat. He -frowned. He only has one pimple now, he's kind of handsome. I said, -Isn't it cute? Bimmie went downstairs. I think he was worried.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>August 11, 1983</i> Susta's getting big. I let her sleep with the baby. -Bimmie says, Whoopee! It worked! I'm scared to tell him now.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>August 12, 1983</i> Susta rubs my leg when she's hungry. Then she sits -and switches her tail for a long time.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>August 17, 1983</i> Susta meowed today. I was fixing dinner. She looked -up and said, Meow. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Bimmie's afraid -she'll have kittens. That isn't what he's trying to do.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>September 5, 1983</i> Susta wanted to go down in the basement this -afternoon. When I called her for supper she came up with her stomach -flat. Bimmie and I went down. Susta ducked back in a hole in the wall. -There's a sort of little cave. We said, They must be in there. We got a -flash, and we could see little black balls. Bimmie couldn't reach them.</p> - -<p>Bimmie kept talking about how his experiment is going to revolutionize -agriculture.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>September 6, 1983</i> I can hear her meowing to them. We can see them -with the flash. We can't tell anything yet.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>September 7, 1983</i> He'll buy a typewriter but not a dryer! He's going -to write a book about his experiment. He expects <i>me</i> to type it.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>September 10, 1983</i> She still won't bring them out. She purred today, -rusty-like. Bimmie says, sometimes, It had to work. Other times he -bites his nails.</p> - -<p>He gave me ten pages to type. I thought I'd better.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>September 13, 1983</i> I went down to call Susta and I saw them. There -were five, wobbling everywhere. They're the cutest fat things. I picked -one up, and then I felt sick. He had a long nose and little rosebud -ears and white feet. He looked like the dog next door.</p> - -<p>All of them do. They're all puppies. Nothing else, just puppies.</p> - -<p>I put them in a box, and took them upstairs.</p> - -<p>Bimmie's working tonight. I'll go to bed before he comes home.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>September 14, 1983</i> He raved all morning and tromped around. I said, -Shut up or I'll leave and you'll have to eat capsules. He said, I could -eat dog food! Then he wanted to see my diary. I said, No. But he yanked -out all the drawers and found it.</p> - -<p>I took the baby and went to Momma's.</p> - -<p>It was suppertime when I came home. He was on the couch with Sup and -Susta and the puppies.</p> - -<p>He didn't act mad, just nasty-nice. So you came home, he said. I never -realized how limited you were, Listie. Your diary's shown me a lot. Can -you at least find homes for the puppies?</p> - -<p>I said, I guess. I put the baby down. He hadn't thrown anything or -burned my diary.</p> - -<p>He said, Good, then. I've fixed supper.</p> - -<p>He had hamburger, frozen pie and hot chocolate. Some of it tasted bad. -I didn't say anything.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>September 15, 1983</i> I asked Bimmie, Should I quit my diary? He said, -Yes. Then, No, keep on. I asked, was he doing another experiment? He -said, Not yet. I said, Bim better not start talking early. He said, You -don't think I'd experiment with my own child? I didn't know. He said, -Bim might be smart anyway. I said, He might be, he's your son. It was a -good compliment.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>September 17, 1983</i> Bimmie wants to learn cooking. He said, You have -to work hard, hanging diapers. It will help if I can cook.</p> - -<p>I'll teach him hot chocolate first. His fixing tastes <i>awful</i>.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>October 5, 1983</i> I have little to report. Bimford, Jr. is flourishing. -The puppies are adorable. Susta and Sup tend them jointly.</p> - -<p>Bimmie has no new project. He has thrown all his energies into cooking. -He does quite well, except for hot chocolate, which still tastes of -chemicals.</p> - -<p>I never, until yesterday, realized the intellectual and sensual joy to -be derived from delving into Greek drama.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p><i>November 9, 1983</i> Bimford, Jr. is six months old today. Since I -gave up the last puppy, the house seems barnlike in its emptiness. I -mentioned the fact to Bimford.</p> - -<p>His glance was speculative. "I have some money saved. Want a -tridiversion wall?"</p> - -<p>I was horrified. "Whatever for?"</p> - -<p>He shrugged. "Maybe you'd like to go to the library. Get something to -read."</p> - -<p>I considered. "Perhaps I will," I said. "There isn't much for me to -do, hang diapers and push buttons. Automation has almost completely -eliminated the housewife's traditional chores."</p> - -<p>I left Bimford, Jr. with Mother and walked to the library. I asked the -librarian to show me about.</p> - -<p>"What are you interested in?" she inquired.</p> - -<p>"I don't know," I replied. "Do you have any good recent works on -chemistry or perhaps nuclear physics?"</p> - -<p>She raised her eyebrows but conducted me to the proper shelf. After -finding several interesting volumes, I also checked out a volume on -cookery for Bimford. His hot chocolate doesn't improve, despite nightly -practice.</p> - -<p>He tells me he is working on a new project.</p> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Bimmie Says, by Sydney Van Scyoc - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BIMMIE SAYS *** - -***** This file should be named 50800-h.htm or 50800-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/0/8/0/50800/ - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: Bimmie Says - -Author: Sydney Van Scyoc - -Release Date: December 30, 2015 [EBook #50800] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BIMMIE SAYS *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - - - - - Bimmie Says - - By SYDNEY VAN SCYOC - - [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from - Galaxy Magazine October 1962. - Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that - the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] - - - - - Bimmie says people are stupid. Bimmie says he can help - them--but they're not really worth his trouble, Bimmie says. - - -_June 27, 1982_ Bimmie said to do this, keep a diary. I said, Cows? He -said, You deaf, woman? A book! Then I remembered, only I haven't seen -one. It's for when he's famous. Then we can have it published anytime -we need money. - -I'd better tell about us. I'm short, sort of cute, and I cook good. -Bimmie's tall and skinny, he likes to eat. He's 18, I'm 16. We got -married 22 days ago. Instead of a fancy wedding, Bimmie told my folks, -Give us money. - -He needed the money for his laboratory. It's in the basement. It's -what'll make him famous. - - * * * * * - -_June 31, 1982_ We got a cat and dog. They're black and two months old. -I wanted red collars. Bimmie said, Don't waste my money, woman. - -Bimmie wanted them down in his laboratory. He said that'd be proper -conditions. I said, No, I'll leave if you do and you'll have to eat -capsules. - -The cat's he, the dog's she. Bimmie doesn't want them outside, ever. - - * * * * * - -_July 3, 1982_ We thought Bimmie's folks'd change their minds. But they -said, Finally and conclusively, we won't. Bimmie says he doesn't want -to go to college if they're stingy because we got married. He already -knows everything important. - -He wants me to finish school. I can finish in December. I thought when -you got married you didn't have to, just slept late and fixed your hair. - - * * * * * - -_July 9, 1982_ The puppy's Susta, the cat's Sup. Susta's jealous -because Sup jumps on the couch, and she can't. - -Bimmie'll have to make pills for Susta. She hides from his needle. -She'll be small. That's good, Bimmie says. - - * * * * * - -_August 17, 1982_ He just married me to cook! Every night he's in his -laboratory. I'm always in this stupid, _ugly_ house. - - * * * * * - -_August 18, 1982_ Susta won't change for a long time. Bimmie has pills -now. - - * * * * * - -_September 1, 1982_ School started. Frankie's still stuck on me. He -says I'm sexy, that's why Bimmie married me. I said, He married me for -my cooking. He laughed. - - * * * * * - -_September 11, 1982_ I felt funny again. I stopped by Momma's. She bets -she knows what it is. She knew after ten days. - - * * * * * - -_September 15, 1982_ I had to ask the school nurse if it was that. She -said, Yes, two weeks. I hope she's wrong. Babies are work. She said, -But the fulfillment. I said, Changing soppy diapers is what you call -fulfillment? - -It doesn't show. Frankie winked at me. - - * * * * * - -_September 17, 1982_ The cat climbed those lace curtains Bimmie's -mother gave us. Bimmie said it was my job to watch him. I said, That's -a stupid way to spend my life. He said, I didn't marry you to have you -sit around and do nothing. - -Susta watched Sup and whined. She wants to be a cat. - - * * * * * - -_September 27, 1982_ Bimmie read my diary. He said there wasn't a June -31. He says to tell more about his work. It won't make money if he's -not in it. - -I told him about the baby. He said, Whoopee! He got some obstetrics -books. - - * * * * * - -_October 5, 1982_ Bimmie expects the baby to kick already. I'm glad it -doesn't! He made the puppy's pills tonight. - - * * * * * - -_October 7, 1982_ I let them outside. The smell in the house turns my -stomach. I'm afraid to take the pills Bimmie made me. - - * * * * * - -_October 9, 1982_ I let them out again. There's a black dog next door -with a long nose, ears like rosebuds and white feet. Susta was scared. -Sup hissed. - - * * * * * - -_October 25, 1982_ Bimmie's so nice. He took me to a tridiversion. He -hates them. He said, They're for the cloddy-minded masses. I said, -Well, what are we? - -I want a tridiversion wall. Bimmie says, No. We had a fight. - - * * * * * - -_October 30, 1982_ I took a pill Bimmie made. I felt good. - -I let them out. It beats cleaning up. Susta played with that dog. - - * * * * * - -_November 7, 1982_ I went to Dr. Brantly. He hypnotized me. I don't -remember it. - - * * * * * - -_December 13, 1982_ Susta's leaving spots. I thought, She's hurt. -Bimmie explained and said, Don't let her out. He wants to wait till -next time to have puppies. He said, The treatment must take full effect -first. He explained but I didn't understand. - - * * * * * - -_January 5, 1983_ I'm out of school. It's boring. Momma says I'm too -young to settle down. She's crazy. I'm sixteen. - - * * * * * - -_January 11, 1983_ Bimmie's reading more obstetrics books. Hypnotism -too. He tried to hypnotize me, but I went to sleep. - - * * * * * - -_January 14, 1983_ I wish Momma would stop. She said, Where're you -going to put a baby, with only one bedroom. She cried and called me -Baby. Gosh! She said, You shouldn't have cats around babies, you'll -have to give him away. - -Bimmie heard, from the bedroom. He came out. He said, I am conducting -an important scientific experiment with the cat and dog. I would as -soon give away the baby. Momma got white under her plasti-skin. She -said, Bimmie, you're a monster for experimenting on dumb animals. And -for rejecting your own child. - -Then Sup climbed the curtains Momma gave us. She shrieked, You're -ungrateful! and huffed out. - -She came back later, asking us to forgive her. She said she wanted to -help, since we're both still children. Well! - -I do wonder where we'll put the baby. Maybe on the couch. - - * * * * * - -_February 17, 1983_ I had to tell Bimmie I was letting them out. Sup -fought with the dog next door. Bimmie got mad. He told me, They must -have a controlled environment. I said, It's hard for me to bend over -to clean up. Finally he said he'd clean up and wasn't it funny Sup and -that dog knew they were rivals. - -I didn't know myself. - - * * * * * - -_March 17, 1983_ I saw Dr. Brantly today. He says I'm fine. I tried to -remember him putting me in the trance, but I couldn't. - - * * * * * - -_April 19, 1983_ Saw Dr. Brantly. Sup pulled the curtains down. Susta -isn't jealous any more, she's playing with a string. - - * * * * * - -_May 9, 1983_ I'm writing this next day. Last night I had this sharp -pain. I said, Bimmie, call Dr. Brantly. I remember him looking at me -funny. That's all I remember until I woke up in the hospital. Bimmie -was sitting beside me, looking proud. I asked him, What's happened? -He grinned. We have a nine-pound son, he said. I named him after the -man who delivered him. I said, Did I faint? That wasn't the way it was -explained, just that Dr. Brantly would put me in a trance. Bimmie was -too busy grinning to say, then he had to go to work. The doctor came -in. I said, It wasn't bad, I only felt one pain. He frowned. I said, -Can I see the baby? He said, Later. He went out too. - -I thought I must have cussed. - -I didn't understand until the nurse brought the baby. He had a little -plastic bracelet that said Bimford Fost, Jr. He was red and squalling. -I felt like doing the same, because I knew why Bimmie had been studying -those obstetrics books. He has to try everything! - - * * * * * - -_May 21, 1983_ I'm seventeen today. Bimmie says to write more. He -thinks that's all I have to do. The baby sleeps all the time he isn't -crying. I like him, only I'm tired of diapers. - -Susta gets three pills every day. She plays with them, then eats them. -Bimmie said last night, It won't be long until my experiment bears -fruit. He said to write that here. - - * * * * * - -_June 3, 1983_ Susta tried to climb the curtains. - - * * * * * - -_June 5, 1983_ Bimmie wanted to give the baby some pills he made. I -said, No. He said, They'll make him smarter, woman. I said, He's enough -trouble dumb. - -Today was our first anniversary. Bimmie wouldn't buy me anything. - - * * * * * - -_June 9, 1983_ We fought about a dryer. After he left I said, For that -I'll let your animals out. The dog next door came up. Susta arched her -back. - - * * * * * - -_June 21, 1983_ I've been putting them out every day. - - * * * * * - -_June 25, 1983_ Bimmie says to write every day, his experiment is -coming to a head. I can't see anything happening. Susta gets six pills -now. - - * * * * * - -_June 27,1983_ The dog's that way again. Bimmie said, At last my -experiment shall be carried to completion. Not that I care for fame -and riches, no, I care only for the accomplishment of something man has -never before achieved. I said he didn't sound natural. He said, Put it -down that way, woman. - - * * * * * - -_June 29, 1983_ Bimmie wanted to feed the baby. I caught him before he -gave him a pill. We fought. He said, Who delivered him? I said, I made -him, and pointed to my stomach. I said, I won't have you using him like -a guinea pig. - - * * * * * - -_July 4, 1983_ Bimmie says tomorrow we'll shut them up in the basement. - - * * * * * - -_July 5, 1983_ The funniest thing. Bimmie said, You put them in the -basement. Then he left. I thought, I'll just take them out while I -hang diapers. But when we went out, three dogs came up. I said, Scat! -I couldn't chase them because I had my arms full of diapers, because -Bimmie won't buy me a basket. They came closer, edging around. I -stomped my feet and yelled. The dog next door came and growled. Then -Sup hissed at him. This was the first the other three saw Sup. He -hunched up, spitting and intending to chase them off. Only they took -out after him instead. He ran off with four dogs after him. I couldn't -do anything, my arms were full. - - * * * * * - -_July 6, 1983_ Bimmie didn't think it was funny. He yelled, What are -you, stupid? Didn't you know dogs would come around? Didn't you know -dogs chase cats? He took the car and called, Kitty, kitty, all over -town. No luck. I said, Get another cat. He said, This one is used to -Susta. I said, There'll be another time. He stared at me and said -Susta's system would tolerate only so much of the stuff he's been -giving her. He can't give her any more after next month. He'll have to -wait another year. Then he went looking again. - -That was last night. Maybe he'll come home tonight. - - * * * * * - -_July 7, 1983_ He hasn't. Bimmie's biting his fingernails. He'd bite -harder if he knew what happened today. - -I thought Susta was asleep when I went to hang diapers. I had my arms -clear full. When I opened the door, Susta shot past me. I yelled at -her, but she went flying down the street, and I saw that dog next door -take off behind her. I thought first thing, It's Bimmie's fault for not -buying a dryer. - -I hung the clothes fast. After all, nothing could happen in such a -short time. Then I started up the street calling, Here Susta! But the -baby was alone, I had to hurry home. - -She came back in half an hour. I didn't tell Bimmie yet. - - * * * * * - -_July 8, 1983_ I didn't tell him, still. He was mad because he had to -pay to get Sup out of the pound. Bimmie salved his ears, they were -torn, and put them in the basement. He said, Now! - - * * * * * - -_July 15, 1983_ Bimmie says to write every day. It's dull, them in the -basement. They come up tomorrow. - - * * * * * - -_July 23, 1983_ Susta acts funnier than ever. She rubs my legs when I'm -cooking. She keeps wetting her paws and rubbing her face. - - * * * * * - -_August 3, 1983_ Today I caught Susta sharpening her claws on the -couch. I said, Bimmie, look at the crazy dog, thinks she's a cat. He -frowned. He only has one pimple now, he's kind of handsome. I said, -Isn't it cute? Bimmie went downstairs. I think he was worried. - - * * * * * - -_August 11, 1983_ Susta's getting big. I let her sleep with the baby. -Bimmie says, Whoopee! It worked! I'm scared to tell him now. - - * * * * * - -_August 12, 1983_ Susta rubs my leg when she's hungry. Then she sits -and switches her tail for a long time. - - * * * * * - -_August 17, 1983_ Susta meowed today. I was fixing dinner. She looked -up and said, Meow. It wasn't supposed to be this way. Bimmie's afraid -she'll have kittens. That isn't what he's trying to do. - - * * * * * - -_September 5, 1983_ Susta wanted to go down in the basement this -afternoon. When I called her for supper she came up with her stomach -flat. Bimmie and I went down. Susta ducked back in a hole in the wall. -There's a sort of little cave. We said, They must be in there. We got a -flash, and we could see little black balls. Bimmie couldn't reach them. - -Bimmie kept talking about how his experiment is going to revolutionize -agriculture. - - * * * * * - -_September 6, 1983_ I can hear her meowing to them. We can see them -with the flash. We can't tell anything yet. - - * * * * * - -_September 7, 1983_ He'll buy a typewriter but not a dryer! He's going -to write a book about his experiment. He expects _me_ to type it. - - * * * * * - -_September 10, 1983_ She still won't bring them out. She purred today, -rusty-like. Bimmie says, sometimes, It had to work. Other times he -bites his nails. - -He gave me ten pages to type. I thought I'd better. - - * * * * * - -_September 13, 1983_ I went down to call Susta and I saw them. There -were five, wobbling everywhere. They're the cutest fat things. I picked -one up, and then I felt sick. He had a long nose and little rosebud -ears and white feet. He looked like the dog next door. - -All of them do. They're all puppies. Nothing else, just puppies. - -I put them in a box, and took them upstairs. - -Bimmie's working tonight. I'll go to bed before he comes home. - - * * * * * - -_September 14, 1983_ He raved all morning and tromped around. I said, -Shut up or I'll leave and you'll have to eat capsules. He said, I could -eat dog food! Then he wanted to see my diary. I said, No. But he yanked -out all the drawers and found it. - -I took the baby and went to Momma's. - -It was suppertime when I came home. He was on the couch with Sup and -Susta and the puppies. - -He didn't act mad, just nasty-nice. So you came home, he said. I never -realized how limited you were, Listie. Your diary's shown me a lot. Can -you at least find homes for the puppies? - -I said, I guess. I put the baby down. He hadn't thrown anything or -burned my diary. - -He said, Good, then. I've fixed supper. - -He had hamburger, frozen pie and hot chocolate. Some of it tasted bad. -I didn't say anything. - - * * * * * - -_September 15, 1983_ I asked Bimmie, Should I quit my diary? He said, -Yes. Then, No, keep on. I asked, was he doing another experiment? He -said, Not yet. I said, Bim better not start talking early. He said, You -don't think I'd experiment with my own child? I didn't know. He said, -Bim might be smart anyway. I said, He might be, he's your son. It was a -good compliment. - - * * * * * - -_September 17, 1983_ Bimmie wants to learn cooking. He said, You have -to work hard, hanging diapers. It will help if I can cook. - -I'll teach him hot chocolate first. His fixing tastes _awful_. - - * * * * * - -_October 5, 1983_ I have little to report. Bimford, Jr. is flourishing. -The puppies are adorable. Susta and Sup tend them jointly. - -Bimmie has no new project. He has thrown all his energies into cooking. -He does quite well, except for hot chocolate, which still tastes of -chemicals. - -I never, until yesterday, realized the intellectual and sensual joy to -be derived from delving into Greek drama. - - * * * * * - -_November 9, 1983_ Bimford, Jr. is six months old today. Since I -gave up the last puppy, the house seems barnlike in its emptiness. I -mentioned the fact to Bimford. - -His glance was speculative. "I have some money saved. Want a -tridiversion wall?" - -I was horrified. "Whatever for?" - -He shrugged. "Maybe you'd like to go to the library. Get something to -read." - -I considered. "Perhaps I will," I said. "There isn't much for me to -do, hang diapers and push buttons. Automation has almost completely -eliminated the housewife's traditional chores." - -I left Bimford, Jr. with Mother and walked to the library. I asked the -librarian to show me about. - -"What are you interested in?" she inquired. - -"I don't know," I replied. "Do you have any good recent works on -chemistry or perhaps nuclear physics?" - -She raised her eyebrows but conducted me to the proper shelf. After -finding several interesting volumes, I also checked out a volume on -cookery for Bimford. His hot chocolate doesn't improve, despite nightly -practice. - -He tells me he is working on a new project. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Bimmie Says, by Sydney Van Scyoc - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BIMMIE SAYS *** - -***** This file should be named 50800.txt or 50800.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/0/8/0/50800/ - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions will -be renamed. - -Creating the works from print editions not protected by U.S. copyright -law means that no one owns a United States copyright in these works, -so the Foundation (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United -States without permission and without paying copyright -royalties. 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