diff options
| -rw-r--r-- | .gitattributes | 4 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | LICENSE.txt | 11 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | README.md | 2 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/51361-h.zip | bin | 348424 -> 0 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/51361-h/51361-h.htm | 1586 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/51361-h/images/cover.jpg | bin | 91197 -> 0 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/51361-h/images/illus1.jpg | bin | 85105 -> 0 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/51361-h/images/illus2.jpg | bin | 79591 -> 0 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/51361-h/images/illus3.jpg | bin | 64980 -> 0 bytes | |||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/51361.txt | 1452 | ||||
| -rw-r--r-- | old/51361.zip | bin | 26181 -> 0 bytes |
11 files changed, 17 insertions, 3038 deletions
diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..397b6b6 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #51361 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/51361) diff --git a/old/51361-h.zip b/old/51361-h.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 58a0351..0000000 --- a/old/51361-h.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/51361-h/51361-h.htm b/old/51361-h/51361-h.htm deleted file mode 100644 index 9de32db..0000000 --- a/old/51361-h/51361-h.htm +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1586 +0,0 @@ -<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" - "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> -<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> - <head> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=us-ascii" /> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> - <title> - The Project Gutenberg eBook of Birds of a Feather, by Robert Silverberg. - </title> - <link rel="coverpage" href="images/cover.jpg" /> - - <style type="text/css"> - -body { - margin-left: 10%; - margin-right: 10%; -} - - h1,h2 { - text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ - clear: both; -} - -p { - margin-top: .51em; - text-align: justify; - margin-bottom: .49em; -} - -hr { - width: 33%; - margin-top: 2em; - margin-bottom: 2em; - margin-left: 33.5%; - margin-right: 33.5%; - clear: both; -} - -hr.chap {width: 65%; margin-left: 17.5%; margin-right: 17.5%;} -hr.tb {width: 45%; margin-left: 27.5%; margin-right: 27.5%;} - -.center {text-align: center;} - -.right {text-align: right;} - -.caption {font-weight: bold;} - -/* Images */ -.figcenter { - margin: auto; - text-align: center; -} - -.blockquot { - margin-left: 5%; - margin-right: 10%; -} - -div.titlepage { - text-align: center; - page-break-before: always; - page-break-after: always; -} - -div.titlepage p { - text-align: center; - text-indent: 0em; - font-weight: bold; - line-height: 1.5; - margin-top: 3em; -} - -.ph1, .ph2, .ph3, .ph4 { text-align: center; text-indent: 0em; font-weight: bold; } -.ph1 { font-size: xx-large; margin: .67em auto; } -.ph2 { font-size: x-large; margin: .75em auto; } -.ph3 { font-size: large; margin: .83em auto; } -.ph4 { font-size: medium; margin: 1.12em auto; } - - - </style> - </head> -<body> - - -<pre> - -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Birds of a Feather, by Robert Silverberg - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: Birds of a Feather - -Author: Robert Silverberg - -Release Date: March 5, 2016 [EBook #51361] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BIRDS OF A FEATHER *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - -</pre> - - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/cover.jpg" width="401" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="titlepage"> -<h1>Birds of a Feather</h1> - -<p>By ROBERT SILVERBERG</p> - -<p>Illustrated by WOOD</p> - -<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br /> -Galaxy Magazine November 1958.<br /> -Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br /> -the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p> - -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="ph3"><i>Getting specimens for the interstellar zoo<br /> -was no problem—they battled for the honor—but<br /> -now I had to fight like a wildcat to<br /> -keep a display from making a monkey of me!</i></p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>It was our first day of recruiting on the planet, and the alien -life-forms had lined up for hundreds of feet back from my rented -office. As I came down the block from the hotel, I could hear and see -and smell them with ease.</p> - -<p>My three staff men, Auchinleck, Stebbins and Ludlow, walked shieldwise -in front of me. I peered between them to size the crop up. The aliens -came in every shape and form, in all colors and textures—and all of -them eager for a Corrigan contract. The Galaxy is full of bizarre -beings, but there's barely a species anywhere that can resist the old -exhibitionist urge.</p> - -<p>"Send them in one at a time," I told Stebbins. I ducked into the -office, took my place back of the desk and waited for the procession to -begin.</p> - -<p>The name of the planet was MacTavish IV (if you went by the official -Terran listing) or Ghryne (if you called it by what its people were -accustomed to calling it). I thought of it privately as MacTavish IV -and referred to it publicly as Ghryne. I believe in keeping the locals -happy wherever I go.</p> - -<p>Through the front window of the office, I could see our big gay tridim -sign plastered to a facing wall: WANTED—EXTRATERRESTRIALS! We had -saturated MacTavish IV with our promotional poop for a month preceding -arrival. Stuff like this:</p> - -<div class="blockquot"> -<p><i>Want to visit Earth—see the Galaxy's most glittering and exclusive -world? Want to draw good pay, work short hours, experience the thrills -of show business on romantic Terra? If you are a non-terrestrial, -there may be a place for you in the Corrigan Institute of -Morphological Science. No freaks wanted—normal beings only. J. F. -Corrigan will hold interviews in person on Ghryne from Thirdday to -Fifthday of Tenmonth. His last visit to the Caledonia Cluster until -2937, so don't miss your chance! Hurry! A life of wonder and riches -can be yours!</i></p></div> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Broadsides like that, distributed wholesale in half a thousand -languages, always bring them running. And the Corrigan Institute really -packs in the crowds back on Earth. Why not? It's the best of its kind, -the only really decent place where Earthmen can get a gander at the -other species of the universe.</p> - -<p>The office buzzer sounded. Auchinleck said unctuously, "The first -applicant is ready to see you, sir."</p> - -<p>"Send him, her or it in."</p> - -<p>The door opened and a timid-looking life-form advanced toward me on -nervous little legs. He was a globular creature about the size of a -big basketball, yellowish-green, with two spindly double-kneed legs and -five double-elbowed arms, the latter spaced regularly around his body. -There was a lidless eye at the top of his head and five lidded ones, -one above each arm. Plus a big, gaping, toothless mouth.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus1.jpg" width="600" height="327" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>His voice was a surprisingly resounding basso. "You are Mr. Corrigan?"</p> - -<p>"That's right." I reached for a data blank. "Before we begin, I'll need -certain information about—"</p> - -<p>"I am a being of Regulus II," came the grave, booming reply, even -before I had picked up the blank. "I need no special care and I am not -a fugitive from the law of any world."</p> - -<p>"Your name?"</p> - -<p>"Lawrence R. Fitzgerald."</p> - -<p>I throttled my exclamation of surprise, concealing it behind a quick -cough. "Let me have that again, please?"</p> - -<p>"Certainly. My name is Lawrence R. Fitzgerald. The 'R' stands for -Raymond."</p> - -<p>"Of course, that's not the name you were born with."</p> - -<p>The being closed his eyes and toddled around in a 360-degree rotation, -remaining in place. On his world, that gesture is the equivalent of -an apologetic smile. "My Regulan name no longer matters. I am now and -shall evermore be Lawrence R. Fitzgerald. I am a Terraphile, you see."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The little Regulan was as good as hired. Only the formalities remained. -"You understand our terms, Mr. Fitzgerald?"</p> - -<p>"I'll be placed on exhibition at your Institute on Earth. You'll pay -for my services, transportation and expenses. I'll be required to -remain on exhibit no more than one-third of each Terran sidereal day."</p> - -<p>"And the pay will be—ah—$50 Galactic a week, plus expenses and -transportation."</p> - -<p>The spherical creature clapped his hands in joy, three hands clapping -on one side, two on the other. "Wonderful! I will see Earth at last! I -accept the terms!"</p> - -<p>I buzzed for Ludlow and gave him the fast signal that meant we were -signing this alien up at half the usual pay, and Ludlow took him into -the other office to sign him up.</p> - -<p>I grinned, pleased with myself. We needed a green Regulan in our show; -the last one had quit four years ago. But just because we needed him -didn't mean we had to be extravagant in hiring him. A Terraphile alien -who goes to the extent of rechristening himself with a Terran monicker -would work for nothing, or even pay us, just so long as we let him get -to Earth. My conscience won't let me really <i>exploit</i> a being, but I -don't believe in throwing money away, either.</p> - -<p>The next applicant was a beefy ursinoid from Aldebaran IX. Our outfit -has all the ursinoids it needs or is likely to need in the next few -decades, and so I got rid of him in a couple of minutes. He was -followed by a roly-poly blue-skinned humanoid from Donovan's Planet, -four feet high and five hundred pounds heavy. We already had a couple -of his species in the show, but they made good crowd-pleasers, being -so plump and cheerful. I passed him along to Auchinleck to sign at -anything short of top rate.</p> - -<p>Next came a bedraggled Sirian spider who was more interested in a -handout than a job. If there's any species we have a real over-supply -of, it's those silver-colored spiders, but this seedy specimen gave it -a try anyway. He got the gate in half a minute, and he didn't even get -the handout he was angling for. I don't approve of begging.</p> - -<p>The flora of applicants was steady. Ghryne is in the heart of the -Caledonia Cluster, where the interstellar crossroads meet. We had -figured to pick up plenty of new exhibits here and we were right.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>It was the isolationism of the late 29th century that turned me into -the successful proprietor of Corrigan's Institute, after some years -as an impoverished carnival man in the Betelgeuse system. Back in -2903, the World Congress declared Terra off-bounds for non-terrestrial -beings, as an offshoot of the Terra for Terrans movement.</p> - -<p>Before then, anyone could visit Earth. After the gate clanged down, -a non-terrestrial could only get onto Sol III as a specimen in a -scientific collection—in short, as an exhibit in a zoo.</p> - -<p>That's what the Corrigan Institute of Morphological Science really is, -of course. A zoo. But we don't go out and hunt for our specimens; we -advertise and they come flocking to us. Every alien wants to see Earth -once in his lifetime, and there's only one way he can do it.</p> - -<p>We don't keep too big an inventory. At last count, we had 690 specimens -before this trip, representing 298 different intelligent life-forms. -My goal is at least one member of at least 500 different races. When I -reach that, I'll sit back and let the competition catch up—if it can.</p> - -<p>After an hour of steady work that morning, we had signed eleven new -specimens. At the same time, we had turned away a dozen ursinoids, -fifty of the reptilian natives of Ghryne, seven Sirian spiders, and no -less than nineteen chlorine-breathing Procyonites wearing gas masks.</p> - -<p>It was also my sad duty to nix a Vegan who was negotiating through a -Ghrynian agent. A Vegan would be a top-flight attraction, being some -400 feet long and appropriately fearsome to the eye, but I didn't see -how we could take one on. They're gentle and likable beings, but their -upkeep runs into literally tons of fresh meat a day, and not just any -old kind of meat either. So we had to do without the Vegan.</p> - -<p>"One more specimen before lunch," I told Stebbins, "to make it an even -dozen."</p> - -<p>He looked at me queerly and nodded. A being entered. I took a long -close look at the life-form when it came in, and after that I took -another one. I wondered what kind of stunt was being pulled. So far as -I could tell, the being was quite plainly nothing but an Earthman.</p> - -<p>He sat down facing me without being asked and crossed his legs. He was -tall and extremely thin, with pale blue eyes and dirty-blond hair, and -though he was clean and reasonably well dressed, he had a shabby look -about him. He said, in level Terran accents, "I'm looking for a job -with your outfit, Corrigan."</p> - -<p>"There's been a mistake. We're interested in non-terrestrials only."</p> - -<p>"I'm a non-terrestrial. My name is Ildwar Gorb, of the planet Wazzenazz -XIII."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>I don't mind conning the public from time to time, but I draw the line -at getting bilked myself. "Look, friend, I'm busy, and I'm not known -for my sense of humor. Or my generosity."</p> - -<p>"I'm not panhandling. I'm looking for a job."</p> - -<p>"Then try elsewhere. Suppose you stop wasting my time, bud. You're as -Earthborn as I am."</p> - -<p>"I've never been within a dozen parsecs of Earth," he said smoothly. "I -happen to be a representative of the only Earthlike race that exists -anywhere in the Galaxy but on Earth itself. Wazzenazz XIII is a small -and little-known planet in the Crab Nebula. Through an evolutionary -fluke, my race is identical with yours. Now, don't you want me in your -circus?"</p> - -<p>"No. And it's not a circus. It's—"</p> - -<p>"A scientific institute. I stand corrected."</p> - -<p>There was something glib and appealing about this preposterous phony. I -guess I recognized a kindred spirit or I would have tossed him out on -his ear without another word. Instead I played along. "If you're from -such a distant place, how come you speak English so well?"</p> - -<p>"I'm not speaking. I'm a telepath—not the kind that reads minds, just -the kind that projects. I communicate in symbols that you translate -back to colloquial speech."</p> - -<p>"Very clever, Mr. Gorb." I grinned at him and shook my head. "You spin -a good yarn—but for my money, you're really Sam Jones or Phil Smith -from Earth, stranded here and out of cash. You want a free trip back to -Earth. No deal. The demand for beings from Wazzenazz XIII is pretty low -these days. Zero, in fact. Good-by, Mr. Gorb."</p> - -<p>He pointed a finger squarely at me and said, "You're making a big -mistake. I'm just what your outfit needs. A representative of a -hitherto utterly unknown race identical to humanity in every respect! -Look here, examine my teeth. Absolutely like human teeth! And—"</p> - -<p>I pulled away from his yawning mouth. "Good-by, Mr. Gorb," I repeated.</p> - -<p>"All I ask is a contract, Corrigan. It isn't much. I'll be a big -attraction. I'll—"</p> - -<p>"<i>Good-by, Mr. Gorb!</i>"</p> - -<p>He glowered at me reproachfully for a moment, stood up and sauntered to -the door. "I thought you were a man of acumen, Corrigan. Well, think -it over. Maybe you'll regret your hastiness. I'll be back to give you -another chance."</p> - -<p>He slammed the door and I let my grim expression relax into a smile. -This was the best con switch yet—an Earthman posing as an alien to get -a job!</p> - -<p>But I wasn't buying it, even if I could appreciate his cleverness -intellectually. There's no such place as Wazzenazz XIII and there's -only one human race in the Galaxy—on Earth. I was going to need some -real good reason before I gave a down-and-out grifter a free ticket -home.</p> - -<p>I didn't know it then, but before the day was out, I would have that -reason. And, with it, plenty of trouble on my hands.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The first harbinger of woe turned up after lunch in the person of a -Kallerian. The Kallerian was the sixth applicant that afternoon. I -had turned away three more ursinoids, hired a vegetable from Miazan, -and said no to a scaly pseudo-armadillo from one of the Delta Worlds. -Hardly had the 'dillo scuttled dejectedly out of my office when the -Kallerian came striding in, not even waiting for Stebbins to admit him -officially.</p> - -<p>He was big even for his kind—in the neighborhood of nine feet high, -and getting on toward a ton. He planted himself firmly on his three -stocky feet, extended his massive arms in a Kallerian greeting-gesture, -and growled, "I am Vallo Heraal, Freeman of Kaller IV. You will sign me -immediately to a contract."</p> - -<p>"Sit down, Freeman Heraal. I like to make my own decisions, thanks."</p> - -<p>"You will grant me a contract!"</p> - -<p>"Will you please sit down?"</p> - -<p>He said sulkily, "I will remain standing."</p> - -<p>"As you prefer." My desk has a few concealed features which are -sometimes useful in dealing with belligerent or disappointed -life-forms. My fingers roamed to the meshgun trigger, just in case of -trouble.</p> - -<p>The Kallerian stood motionless before me. They're hairy creatures, and -this one had a coarse, thick mat of blue fur completely covering his -body. Two fierce eyes glimmered out through the otherwise dense blanket -of fur. He was wearing the kilt, girdle and ceremonial blaster of his -warlike race.</p> - -<p>I said, "You'll have to understand, Freeman Heraal, that it's not our -policy to maintain more than a few members of each species at our -Institute. And we're not currently in need of any Kallerian males, -because—"</p> - -<p>"You will hire me or trouble I will make!"</p> - -<p>I opened our inventory chart. I showed him that we were already -carrying four Kallerians, and that was more than plenty.</p> - -<p>The beady little eyes flashed like beacons in the fur. "Yes, you have -four representatives—of the Clan Verdrokh! None of the Clan Gursdrinn! -For three years, I have waited for a chance to avenge this insult to -the noble Clan Gursdrinn!"</p> - -<p>At the key-word <i>avenge</i>, I readied myself to ensnarl the Kallerian -in a spume of tanglemesh the instant he went for his blaster, but he -didn't move. He bellowed, "I have vowed a vow, Earthman. Take me to -Earth, enroll a Gursdrinn, or the consequences will be terrible!"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>I'm a man of principles, like all straightforward double-dealers, and -one of the most important of those principles is that I never let -myself be bullied by anyone. "I deeply regret having unintentionally -insulted your clan, Freeman Heraal. Will you accept my apologies?"</p> - -<p>He glared at me in silence.</p> - -<p>I went on, "Please be assured that I'll undo the insult at the earliest -possible opportunity. It's not feasible for us to hire another -Kallerian now, but I'll give preference to the Clan Gursdrinn as soon -as a vacancy—"</p> - -<p>"No. You will hire me now."</p> - -<p>"It can't be done, Freeman Heraal. We have a budget, and we stick to -it."</p> - -<p>"You will rue! I will take drastic measures!"</p> - -<p>"Threats will get you nowhere, Freeman Heraal. I give you my word I'll -get in touch with you as soon as our organization has room for another -Kallerian. And now, please, there are many applicants waiting—"</p> - -<p>You'd think it would be sort of humiliating to become a specimen in a -zoo, but most of these races take it as an honor. And there's always -the chance that, by picking a given member of a race, we're insulting -all the others.</p> - -<p>I nudged the trouble-button on the side of my desk and Auchinleck and -Ludlow appeared simultaneously from the two doors at right and left. -They surrounded the towering Kallerian and sweet-talkingly led him -away. He wasn't minded to quarrel physically, or he could have knocked -them both into the next city with a backhand swipe of his shaggy paw, -but he kept up a growling flow of invective and threats until he was -out in the hall.</p> - -<p>I mopped sweat from my forehead and began to buzz Stebbins for the next -applicant. But before my finger touched the button, the door popped -open and a small being came scooting in, followed by an angry Stebbins.</p> - -<p>"Come here, you!"</p> - -<p>"Stebbins?" I said gently.</p> - -<p>"I'm sorry, Mr. Corrigan. I lost sight of this one for a moment, and he -came running in—"</p> - -<p>"Please, please," squeaked the little alien pitifully. "I must see you, -honored sir!"</p> - -<p>"It isn't his turn in line," Stebbins protested. "There are at least -fifty ahead of him."</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus2.jpg" width="343" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>"All right," I said tiredly. "As long as he's in here already, I might -as well see him. Be more careful next time, Stebbins."</p> - -<p>Stebbins nodded dolefully and backed out.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The alien was a pathetic sight: a Stortulian, a squirrely-looking -creature about three feet high. His fur, which should have been a -lustrous black, was a dull gray, and his eyes were wet and sad. His -tail drooped. His voice was little more than a faint whimper, even at -full volume.</p> - -<p>"Begging your most honored pardon most humbly, important sir. I am a -being of Stortul XII, having sold my last few possessions to travel -to Ghryne for the miserable purpose of obtaining an interview with -yourself."</p> - -<p>I said, "I'd better tell you right at the outset that we're already -carrying our full complement of Stortulians. We have both a male and a -female now and—"</p> - -<p>"This is known to me. The female—is her name perchance Tiress?"</p> - -<p>I glanced down at the inventory chart until I found the Stortulian -entry. "Yes, that's her name."</p> - -<p>The little being immediately emitted a soul-shaking gasp. "It is she! -It is she!"</p> - -<p>"I'm afraid we don't have room for any more—"</p> - -<p>"You are not in full understanding of my plight. The female Tiress, -she is—was—my own Fire-sent spouse, my comfort and my warmth, my life -and my love."</p> - -<p>"Funny," I said. "When we signed her three years ago, she said she was -single. It's right here on the chart."</p> - -<p>"She lied! She left my burrow because she longed to see the splendors -of Earth. And I am alone, bound by our sacred customs never to remarry, -languishing in sadness and pining for her return. You <i>must</i> take me to -Earth!"</p> - -<p>"But—"</p> - -<p>"I must see her—her and this disgrace-bringing lover of hers. I must -reason with her. Earthman, can't you see I must appeal to her inner -flame? <i>I must bring her back!</i>"</p> - -<p>My face was expressionless. "You don't really intend to join our -organization at all—you just want free passage to Earth?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, yes!" wailed the Stortulian. "Find some other member of my race, -if you must! Let me have my wife again, Earthman! Is your heart a dead -lump of stone?"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>It isn't, but another of my principles is to refuse to be swayed by -sentiment. I felt sorry for this being's domestic troubles, but I -wasn't going to break up a good act just to make an alien squirrel -happy—not to mention footing the transportation.</p> - -<p>I said, "I don't see how we can manage it. The laws are very strict -on the subject of bringing alien life to Earth. It has to be for -scientific purposes only. And if I know in advance that your purpose in -coming isn't scientific, I can't in all conscience <i>lie</i> for you, can -I?"</p> - -<p>"Well—"</p> - -<p>"Of course not." I took advantage of his pathetic upset to steam right -along. "Now if you had come in here and simply asked me to sign you up, -I might conceivably have done it. But no—you had to go unburden your -heart to me."</p> - -<p>"I thought the truth would move you."</p> - -<p>"It did. But in effect you're now asking me to conspire in a fraudulent -criminal act. Friend, I can't do it. My reputation means too much to -me," I said piously.</p> - -<p>"Then you will refuse me?"</p> - -<p>"My heart melts to nothingness for you. But I can't take you to Earth."</p> - -<p>"Perhaps you will send my wife to me here?"</p> - -<p>There's a clause in every contract that allows me to jettison an -unwanted specimen. All I have to do is declare it no longer of -scientific interest, and the World Government will deport the -undesirable alien back to its home world. But I wouldn't pull a low -trick like that on our female Stortulian.</p> - -<p>I said, "I'll ask her about coming home. But I won't ship her back -against her will. And maybe she's happier where she is."</p> - -<p>The Stortulian seemed to shrivel. His eyelids closed half-way to mask -his tears. He turned and shambled slowly to the door, walking like a -living dishrag. In a bleak voice, he said, "There is no hope then. All -is lost. I will never see my soulmate again. Good day, Earthman."</p> - -<p>He spoke in a drab monotone that almost, but not quite, had me weeping. -I watched him shuffle out. I do have <i>some</i> conscience, and I had the -uneasy feeling I had just been talking to a being who was about to -commit suicide on my account.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>About fifty more applicants were processed without a hitch. Then life -started to get complicated again.</p> - -<p>Nine of the fifty were okay. The rest were unacceptable for one reason -or another, and they took the bad news quietly enough. The haul for the -day so far was close to two dozen new life-forms under contract.</p> - -<p>I had just about begun to forget about the incidents of the Kallerian's -outraged pride and the Stortulian's flighty wife when the door opened -and the Earthman who called himself Ildwar Gorb of Wazzenazz XIII -stepped in.</p> - -<p>"How did <i>you</i> get in here?" I demanded.</p> - -<p>"Your man happened to be looking the wrong way," he said cheerily. -"Change your mind about me yet?"</p> - -<p>"Get out before I have you thrown out."</p> - -<p>Gorb shrugged. "I figured you hadn't changed your mind, so I've changed -my pitch a bit. If you won't believe I'm from Wazzenazz XIII, suppose I -tell you that I <i>am</i> Earthborn, and that I'm looking for a job on your -staff."</p> - -<p>"I don't care <i>what</i> your story is! Get out or—"</p> - -<p>"—you'll have me thrown out. Okay, okay. Just give me half a second. -Corrigan, you're no fool, and neither am I—but that fellow of yours -outside <i>is</i>. He doesn't know how to handle alien beings. How many -times today has a life-form come in here unexpectedly?"</p> - -<p>I scowled at him. "Too damn many."</p> - -<p>"You see? He's incompetent. Suppose you fire him, take me on instead. -I've been living in the outworlds half my life; I know all there is to -know about alien life-forms. You can use me, Corrigan."</p> - -<p>I took a deep breath and glanced all around the paneled ceiling of -the office before I spoke. "Listen, Gorb, or whatever your name is, -I've had a hard day. There's been a Kallerian in here who just about -threatened murder, and there's been a Stortulian in here who's about -to commit suicide because of me. I have a conscience and it's troubling -me. But get this: I just want to finish off my recruiting, pack up and -go home to Earth. I don't want you hanging around here bothering me. -I'm not looking to hire new staff members, and if you switch back to -claiming you're an unknown life-form from Wazzenazz XIII, the answer is -that I'm not looking for any of <i>those</i> either. Now will you scram or—"</p> - -<p>The office door crashed open at that point and Heraal, the Kallerian, -came thundering in. He was dressed from head to toe in glittering -metalfoil, and instead of his ceremonial blaster, he was wielding -a sword the length of a human being. Stebbins and Auchinleck came -dragging helplessly along in his wake, hanging desperately to his belt.</p> - -<p>"Sorry, Chief," Stebbins gasped. "I tried to keep him out, but—"</p> - -<p>Heraal, who had planted himself in front of my desk, drowned him out -with a roar. "Earthman, you have mortally insulted the Clan Gursdrinn!"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Sitting with my hands poised near the meshgun trigger, I was ready to -let him have it at the first sight of actual violence.</p> - -<p>Heraal boomed, "You are responsible for what is to happen now. I have -notified the authorities and you prosecuted will be for causing the -death of a life-form! Suffer, Earthborn ape! Suffer!"</p> - -<p>"Watch it, Chief," Stebbins yelled. "He's going to—"</p> - -<p>An instant before my numb fingers could tighten on the meshgun -trigger, Heraal swung that huge sword through the air and plunged it -savagely through his body. He toppled forward onto the carpet with the -sword projecting a couple of feet out of his back. A few driblets of -bluish-purple blood spread from beneath him.</p> - -<p>Before I could react to the big life-form's hara-kiri, the office door -flew open again and three sleek reptilian beings entered, garbed in the -green sashes of the local police force. Their golden eyes goggled down -at the figure on the floor, then came to rest on me.</p> - -<p>"You are J. F. Corrigan?" the leader asked.</p> - -<p>"Y-yes."</p> - -<p>"We have received word of a complaint against you. Said complaint -being—"</p> - -<p>"—that your unethical actions have directly contributed to the -untimely death of an intelligent life-form," filled in the second of -the Ghrynian policemen.</p> - -<p>"The evidence lies before us," intoned the leader, "in the cadaver -of the unfortunate Kallerian who filed the complaint with us several -minutes ago."</p> - -<p>"And therefore," said the third lizard, "it is our duty to arrest -you for this crime and declare you subject to a fine of no less than -$100,000 Galactic or two years in prison."</p> - -<p>"Hold on!" I stormed. "You mean that any being from anywhere in the -Universe can come in here and gut himself on my carpet, and <i>I'm</i> -responsible?"</p> - -<p>"This is the law. Do you deny that your stubborn refusal to yield to -this late life-form's request lies at the root of his sad demise?"</p> - -<p>"Well, no, but—"</p> - -<p>"Failure to deny is admission of guilt. You are guilty, Earthman."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Closing my eyes wearily, I tried to wish the whole babbling lot of them -away. If I had to, I could pony up the hundred-grand fine, but it was -going to put an awful dent in this year's take. And I shuddered when I -remembered that any minute that scrawny little Stortulian was likely to -come bursting in here to kill himself too. Was it a fine of $100,000 -per suicide? At that rate, I could be out of business by nightfall.</p> - -<p>I was spared further such morbid thoughts by yet another unannounced -arrival.</p> - -<p>The small figure of the Stortulian trudged through the open doorway -and stationed itself limply near the threshold. The three Ghrynian -policemen and my three assistants forgot the dead Kallerian for a -moment and turned to eye the newcomer.</p> - -<p>I had visions of unending troubles with the law here on Ghryne. I -resolved never to come here on a recruiting trip again—or, if I <i>did</i> -come, to figure out some more effective way of screening myself against -crackpots.</p> - -<p>In heart-rending tones, the Stortulian declared, "Life is no longer -worth living. My last hope is gone. There is only one thing left for me -to do."</p> - -<p>I was quivering at the thought of another hundred thousand smackers -going down the drain. "Stop him, somebody! He's going to kill himself! -He's—"</p> - -<p>Then somebody sprinted toward me, hit me amidships, and knocked me -flying out from behind my desk before I had a chance to fire the -meshgun. My head walloped the floor, and for five or six seconds, I -guess I wasn't fully aware of what was going on.</p> - -<p>Gradually the scene took shape around me. There was a monstrous hole -in the wall behind my desk; a smoking blaster lay on the floor, and I -saw the three Ghrynian policemen sitting on the raving Stortulian. The -man who called himself Ildwar Gorb was getting to his feet and dusting -himself off.</p> - -<p>He helped me up. "Sorry to have had to tackle you, Corrigan. But that -Stortulian wasn't here to commit suicide, you see. He was out to get -you."</p> - -<p>I weaved dizzily toward my desk and dropped into my chair. A flying -fragment of wall had deflated my pneumatic cushion. The smell of ashed -plaster was everywhere. The police were effectively cocooning the -struggling little alien in an unbreakable tanglemesh.</p> - -<p>"Evidently you don't know as much as you think you do about Stortulian -psychology, Corrigan," Gorb said lightly. "Suicide is completely -abhorrent to them. When they're troubled, they kill the person who -caused their trouble. In this case, you."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>I began to chuckle—more of a tension-relieving snicker than a -full-bodied laugh.</p> - -<p>"Funny," I said.</p> - -<p>"What is?" asked the self-styled Wazzenazzian.</p> - -<p>"These aliens. Big blustery Heraal came in with murder in his eye and -killed <i>himself</i>, and the pint-sized Stortulian who looked so meek and -pathetic damn near blew my head off." I shuddered. "Thanks for the -tackle job."</p> - -<p>"Don't mention it," Gorb said.</p> - -<p>I glared at the Ghrynian police. "Well? What are you waiting for? Take -that murderous little beast out of here! Or isn't murder against the -local laws?"</p> - -<p>"The Stortulian will be duly punished," replied the leader of the -Ghrynian cops calmly. "But there is the matter of the dead Kallerian -and the fine of—"</p> - -<p>"—one hundred thousand dollars. I know." I groaned and turned to -Stebbins. "Get the Terran Consulate on the phone, Stebbins. Have them -send down a legal adviser. Find out if there's any way we can get out -of this mess with our skins intact."</p> - -<p>"Right, Chief." Stebbins moved toward the visiphone.</p> - -<p>Gorb stepped forward and put a hand on his chest.</p> - -<p>"Hold it," the Wazzenazzian said crisply. "The Consulate can't help -you. I can."</p> - -<p>"You?" I said.</p> - -<p>"I can get you out of this cheap."</p> - -<p>"<i>How</i> cheap?"</p> - -<p>Gorb grinned rakishly. "Five thousand in cash plus a contract as a -specimen with your outfit. In advance, of course. That's a heck of a -lot better than forking over a hundred grand, isn't it?"</p> - -<p>I eyed Gorb uncertainly. The Terran Consulate people probably wouldn't -be much help; they tried to keep out of local squabbles unless they -were really serious, and I knew from past experiences that no officials -ever worried much about the state of my pocketbook. On the other hand, -giving this slyster a contract might be a risky proposition.</p> - -<p>"Tell you what," I said finally. "You've got yourself a deal—but on -a contingency basis. Get me out of this and you'll have five grand and -the contract. Otherwise, nothing."</p> - -<p>Gorb shrugged. "What have I to lose?"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Before the police could interfere, Gorb trotted over to the hulking -corpse of the Kallerian and fetched it a mighty kick.</p> - -<p>"Wake up, you faker! Stop playing possum and stand up! You aren't -fooling anyone!"</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus3.jpg" width="600" height="294" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>The Ghrynians got off the huddled little assassin and tried to stop -Gorb. "Your pardon, but the dead require your respect," began one of -the lizards mildly.</p> - -<p>Gorb whirled angrily. "Maybe the dead do—but this character isn't -dead!"</p> - -<p>He knelt and said loudly in the Kallerian's dishlike ear, "You might -as well quit it, Heraal. Listen to this, you shamming mountain of -meat—<i>your mother knits doilies for the Clan Verdrokh</i>!"</p> - -<p>The supposedly dead Kallerian emitted a twenty-cycle rumble that shook -the floor, and clambered to his feet, pulling the sword out of his body -and waving it in the air. Gorb leaped back nimbly, snatched up the -Stortulian's fallen blaster, and trained it neatly on the big alien's -throat before he could do any damage. The Kallerian grumbled and -lowered his sword.</p> - -<p>I felt groggy. I thought I knew plenty about non-terrestrial -life-forms, but I was learning a few things today. "I don't understand. -How—"</p> - -<p>The police were blue with chagrin. "A thousand pardons, Earthman. There -seems to have been some error."</p> - -<p>"There seems to have been a cute little con game," Gorb remarked -quietly.</p> - -<p>I recovered my balance. "Try to milk me of a hundred grand when -there's been no crime?" I snapped. "I'll say there's been an error! -If I weren't a forgiving man, I'd clap the bunch of you in jail for -attempting to defraud an Earthman! Get out of here! And take that -would-be murderer with you!"</p> - -<p>They got, and they got fast, burbling apologies as they went. They had -tried to fox an Earthman, and that's a dangerous sport. They dragged -the cocooned form of the Stortulian with them. The air seemed to clear, -and peace was restored. I signaled to Auchinleck and he slammed the -door.</p> - -<p>"All right." I looked at Gorb and jerked a thumb at the Kallerian. -"That's a nice trick. How does it work?"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Gorb smiled pleasantly. He was enjoying this, I could see. "Kallerians -of the Clan Gursdrinn specialize in a kind of mental discipline, -Corrigan. It isn't too widely known in this area of the Galaxy, but -men of that clan have unusual mental control over their bodies. They -can cut off circulation and nervous-system response in large chunks of -their bodies for hours at a stretch—an absolutely perfect imitation of -death. And, of course, when Heraal put the sword through himself, it -was a simple matter to avoid hitting any vital organs en route."</p> - -<p>The Kallerian, still at gunpoint, hung his head in shame. I turned on -him. "So—try to swindle me, eh? You cooked this whole fake suicide up -in collusion with those cops."</p> - -<p>He looked quite a sight, with that gaping slash running clear through -his body. But the wound had begun to heal already. "I regret the -incident, Earthman. I am mortified. Be good enough to destroy this -unworthy person."</p> - -<p>It was a tempting idea, but a notion was forming in my showman's mind. -"No, I won't destroy you. Tell me—how often can you do that trick?"</p> - -<p>"The tissues will regenerate in a few hours."</p> - -<p>"Would you mind having to kill yourself every day, Heraal? And twice on -Sundays?"</p> - -<p>Heraal looked doubtful. "Well, for the honor of my Clan, perhaps—"</p> - -<p>Stebbins said, "Boss, you mean—"</p> - -<p>"Shut up. Heraal, you're hired—$75 a week plus expenses. Stebbins, get -me a contract form—and type in a clause requiring Heraal to perform -his suicide stunt at least five but no more than eight times a week."</p> - -<p>I felt a satisfied glow. There's nothing more pleasing than to turn a -swindle into a sure-fire crowd-puller.</p> - -<p>"Aren't you forgetting something, Corrigan?" asked Ildwar Gorb in a -quietly menacing voice. "We had a little agreement, you know."</p> - -<p>"Oh. Yes." I moistened my lips and glanced shiftily around the office. -There had been too many witnesses. I couldn't back down. I had no -choice but to write out a check for five grand and give Gorb a standard -alien-specimen contract. Unless....</p> - -<p>"Just a second," I said. "To enter Earth as an alien exhibit, you need -proof of alien origin."</p> - -<p>He grinned, pulled out a batch of documents. "Nothing to it. -Everything's stamped and in order—and anybody who wants to prove -these papers are fraudulent will have to find Wazzenazz XIII first!"</p> - -<p>We signed and I filed the contracts away. But only then did it occur -to me that the events of the past hour might have been even more -complicated than they looked. Suppose, I wondered, Gorb had conspired -with Heraal to stage the fake suicide, and rung in the cops as -well—with contracts for both of them the price of my getting off the -hook?</p> - -<p>It could very well be. And if it was, it meant I had been taken as -neatly as any chump I'd ever conned.</p> - -<p>Carefully keeping a poker face, I did a silent burn. Gorb, or whatever -his real name was, was going to find himself living up to that contract -he'd signed—every damn word and letter of it!</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>We left Ghryne later that week, having interviewed some eleven hundred -alien life-forms and having hired fifty-two. It brought the register -of our zoo—pardon me, the Institute—to a nice pleasant 742 specimens -representing 326 intelligent life-forms.</p> - -<p>Ildwar Gorb, the Wazzenazzian—who admitted that his real name was Mike -Higgins, of St. Louis—turned out to be a tower of strength on the -return voyage. It developed that he really <i>did</i> know all there was to -know about alien life-forms.</p> - -<p>When he found out I had turned down the 400-foot-long Vegan because -the upkeep would be too big, Gorb-Higgins rushed off to the Vegan's -agent and concluded a deal whereby we acquired a fertilized Vegan -ovum, weighing hardly more than an ounce. Transporting <i>that</i> was a -lot cheaper than lugging a full-grown adult Vegan, besides which, -he assured me that the infant beast could be adapted to a diet of -vegetables without any difficulty.</p> - -<p>He made life a lot easier for me during the six-week voyage to Earth in -our specially constructed ship. With fifty-two alien life-forms aboard, -all sorts of dietary problems arose, not to mention the headaches -that popped up over pride of place and the like. The Kallerian simply -refused to be quartered anywhere but on the left-hand side of the ship, -for example—but that was the side we had reserved for low-gravity -creatures, and there was no room for him there.</p> - -<p>"We'll be traveling in hyperspace all the way to Earth," Gorb-Higgins -assured the stubborn Kallerian. "Our cosmostatic polarity will be -reversed, you see."</p> - -<p>"Hah?" asked Heraal in confusion.</p> - -<p>"The cosmostatic polarity. If you take a bunk on the left-hand side of -the ship, you'll be traveling on the right-hand side all the way there!"</p> - -<p>"Oh," said the big Kallerian. "I didn't know that. Thank you for -explaining."</p> - -<p>He gratefully took the stateroom we assigned him.</p> - -<p>Higgins really had a way with the creatures, all right. He made us look -like fumbling amateurs, and I had been operating in this business more -than fifteen years.</p> - -<p>Somehow Higgins managed to be on the spot whenever trouble broke out. -A highly strung Norvennith started a feud with a pair of Vanoinans -over an alleged moral impropriety; Norvennithi can be <i>very</i> stuffy -sometimes. But Gorb convinced the outraged being that what the -Vanoinans were doing in the washroom was perfectly proper. Well, it -was, but I'd never have thought of using that particular analogy.</p> - -<p>I could list half a dozen other incidents in which Gorb-Higgins' -special knowledge of outworld beings saved us from annoying hassles on -that trip back. It was the first time I had ever had another man with -brains in the organization and I was getting worried.</p> - -<p>When I first set up the Institute back in the early 2920s, it was with -my own capital, scraped together while running a comparative biology -show on Betelgeuse IX. I saw to it that I was the sole owner. And I -took care to hire competent but unspectacular men as my staffers—men -like Stebbins, Auchinleck and Ludlow.</p> - -<p>Only now I had a viper in my bosom, in the person of this Ildwar -Gorb-Mike Higgins. He could think for himself. He knew a good racket -when he saw one. We were birds of a feather, Higgins and I. I doubted -if there was room for both of us in this outfit.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>I sent for him just before we were about to make Earthfall, offered him -a few slugs of brandy before I got to the point. "Mike, I've watched -the way you handled the exhibits on the way back here."</p> - -<p>"The <i>other</i> exhibits," he pointed out. "I'm one of them, not a staff -man."</p> - -<p>"Your Wazzenazzian status is just a fiction cooked up to get you past -the immigration authorities, Mike. But I've got a proposition for you."</p> - -<p>"Propose away."</p> - -<p>"I'm getting a little too old for this starcombing routine," I said. -"Up to now, I've been doing my own recruiting, but only because I -couldn't trust anyone else to do the job. I think you could handle -it, though." I stubbed out my cigarette and lit another. "Tell you -what, Mike—I'll rip up your contract as an exhibit, and I'll give you -another one as a staffman, paying twice as much. Your job will be to -roam the planets finding new material for us. How about it?"</p> - -<p>I had the new contract all drawn up. I pushed it toward him, but he put -his hand down over mine and smiled amiably as he said, "No go."</p> - -<p>"No? Not even for twice the pay?"</p> - -<p>"I've done my own share of roaming," he said. "Don't offer me more -money. I just want to settle down on Earth, Jim. I don't care about -the cash. Honest."</p> - -<p>It was very touching, and also very phony, but there was nothing I -could do. I couldn't get rid of him that way. I had to bring him to -Earth.</p> - -<p>The immigration officials argued about his papers, but he'd had the -things so cleverly faked that there was no way of proving he wasn't -from Wazzenazz XIII. We set him up in a key spot of the building.</p> - -<p>The Kallerian, Heraal, is one of our top attractions now. Every day at -two in the afternoon, he commits ritual suicide, and soon afterward -rises from death to the accompaniment of a trumpet fanfare. The four -other Kallerians we had before are wildly jealous of the crowds he -draws, but they're just not trained to do his act.</p> - -<p>But the unquestioned number one attraction here is confidence man Mike -Higgins. He's billed as the only absolutely human life-form from an -extraterrestrial planet, and though we've had our share of debunking, -it has only increased business.</p> - -<p>Funny that the biggest draw at a zoo like ours should be a home-grown -Earthman, but that's show business.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>A couple of weeks after we got back, Mike added a new wrinkle to the -act. He turned up with a blonde showgirl named Marie, and now we -have a Woman from Wazzenazz too. It's more fun for Mike that way. And -downright clever.</p> - -<p>He's too clever, in fact. Like I said, I appreciate a good confidence -man, the way some people appreciate fine wine. But I wish I had left -Ildwar Gorb back on Ghryne, instead of signing him up with us.</p> - -<p>Yesterday he stopped by at my office after we had closed down for the -day. He was wearing that pleasant smile he always wears when he's up to -something.</p> - -<p>He accepted a drink, as usual, and then he said, "Jim, I was talking to -Lawrence R. Fitzgerald yesterday."</p> - -<p>"The little Regulan? The green basketball?"</p> - -<p>"That's the one. He tells me he's only getting $50 a week. And a lot of -the other boys here are drawing pretty low pay too."</p> - -<p>My stomach gave a warning twinge. "Mike, if you're looking for a raise, -I've told you time and again you're worth it to me. How about twenty a -week?"</p> - -<p>He held up one hand. "I'm not angling for a raise for <i>me</i>, Jim."</p> - -<p>"What then?"</p> - -<p>He smiled beatifically. "The boys and I held a little meeting yesterday -evening, and we—ah—formed a union, with me as leader. I'd like to -discuss the idea of a general wage increase for every one of the -exhibits here."</p> - -<p>"Higgins, you blackmailer, how can I afford—"</p> - -<p>"Easy," he said. "You'd hate to lose a few weeks' gross, wouldn't you?"</p> - -<p>"You mean you'd call a strike?"</p> - -<p>He shrugged. "If you leave me no choice, how else can I protect my -members' interests?"</p> - -<p>After about half an hour of haggling, he sweated me into an -across-the-board increase for the entire mob, with a distinct hint of -further raises to come. But he also casually let me know the price he's -asking to call off the hounds. He wants a partnership in the Institute; -a share in the receipts.</p> - -<p>If he gets that, it makes him a member of management, and he'll have to -quit as union leader. That way I won't have him to contend with as a -negotiator.</p> - -<p>But I <i>will</i> have him firmly embedded in the organization, and once -he gets his foot in the door, he won't be satisfied until he's on -top—which means when I'm out.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>But I'm not licked yet! Not after a full lifetime of conniving and -swindling! I've been over and over the angles and there's one thing you -can always count on—a trickster will always outsmart himself if you -give him the chance. I did it with Higgins. Now he's done it with me.</p> - -<p>He'll be back here in half an hour to find out whether he gets his -partnership or not. Well, he'll get his answer. I'm going to affirm, as -per the escape clause in the standard exhibit contract he signed, that -he is no longer of scientific value, and the Feds will pick him up and -deport him to his home world.</p> - -<p>That leaves him two equally nasty choices.</p> - -<p>Those fake documents of his were good enough to get him admitted to -Earth as a legitimate alien. How the World Police get him back there is -their headache—and his.</p> - -<p>If he admits the papers were phony, the only way he'll get out of -prison will be when it collapses of old age.</p> - -<p>So I'll give him a third choice: He can sign an undated confession, -which I will keep in my safe, as guarantee against future finagling.</p> - -<p>I don't expect to be around forever, you see, though, with that little -secret I picked up on Rimbaud II, it'll be a good long time, not even -barring accidents, and I've been wondering whom to leave the Corrigan -Institute of Morphological Science to. Higgins will make a fine -successor.</p> - -<p>Oh, one more thing he will have to sign. It remains the Corrigan -Institute as long as the place is in business.</p> - -<p>Try to outcon me, will he?</p> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Birds of a Feather, by Robert Silverberg - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BIRDS OF A FEATHER *** - -***** This file should be named 51361-h.htm or 51361-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/1/3/6/51361/ - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, -set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to -copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to -protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project -Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you -charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you -do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the -rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose -such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and -research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do -practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is -subject to the trademark license, especially commercial -redistribution. - - - -*** START: FULL LICENSE *** - -THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE -PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK - -To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free -distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work -(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project -Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project -Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at -http://gutenberg.org/license). - - -Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic works - -1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to -and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property -(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all -the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy -all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. -If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the -terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or -entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. - -1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be -used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who -agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few -things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works -even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See -paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement -and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works. See paragraph 1.E below. - -1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" -or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the -collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an -individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are -located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from -copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative -works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg -are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project -Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by -freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of -this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with -the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by -keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project -Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. - -1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern -what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in -a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check -the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement -before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or -creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project -Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning -the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United -States. - -1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: - -1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate -access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently -whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the -phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project -Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, -copied or distributed: - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - -1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived -from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is -posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied -and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees -or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work -with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the -work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 -through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the -Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or -1.E.9. - -1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted -with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution -must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional -terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked -to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the -permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. - -1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm -License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this -work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. - -1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this -electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without -prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with -active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project -Gutenberg-tm License. - -1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, -compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any -word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or -distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than -"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version -posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), -you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a -copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon -request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other -form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm -License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. - -1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, -performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works -unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. - -1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing -access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided -that - -- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from - the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method - you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is - owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he - has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the - Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments - must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you - prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax - returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and - sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the - address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to - the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." - -- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies - you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he - does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm - License. You must require such a user to return or - destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium - and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of - Project Gutenberg-tm works. - -- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any - money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the - electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days - of receipt of the work. - -- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free - distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. - -1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set -forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from -both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael -Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the -Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. - -1.F. - -1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable -effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread -public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm -collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain -"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or -corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual -property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a -computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by -your equipment. - -1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right -of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project -Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all -liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal -fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT -LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE -PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE -TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE -LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR -INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH -DAMAGE. - -1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a -defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can -receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a -written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you -received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with -your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with -the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a -refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity -providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to -receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy -is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further -opportunities to fix the problem. - -1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth -in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER -WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO -WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. - -1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied -warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. -If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the -law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be -interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by -the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any -provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. - -1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the -trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone -providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance -with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, -promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, -harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, -that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do -or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm -work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any -Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. - - -Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm - -Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of -electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers -including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists -because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from -people in all walks of life. - -Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the -assistance they need, are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's -goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will -remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure -and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. -To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation -and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 -and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org. - - -Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive -Foundation - -The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit -501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the -state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal -Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification -number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at -http://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg -Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent -permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. - -The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. -Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered -throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at -809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email -business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact -information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official -page at http://pglaf.org - -For additional contact information: - Dr. Gregory B. Newby - Chief Executive and Director - gbnewby@pglaf.org - - -Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg -Literary Archive Foundation - -Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide -spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of -increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be -freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest -array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations -($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt -status with the IRS. - -The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating -charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United -States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a -considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up -with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations -where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To -SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any -particular state visit http://pglaf.org - -While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we -have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition -against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who -approach us with offers to donate. - -International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make -any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from -outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. - -Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation -methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other -ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. -To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate - - -Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works. - -Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm -concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared -with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project -Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. - - -Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed -editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. -unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily -keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. - - -Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: - - http://www.gutenberg.org - -This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, -including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to -subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. - - -</pre> - -</body> -</html> diff --git a/old/51361-h/images/cover.jpg b/old/51361-h/images/cover.jpg Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index c9592e3..0000000 --- a/old/51361-h/images/cover.jpg +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/51361-h/images/illus1.jpg b/old/51361-h/images/illus1.jpg Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 418c0c2..0000000 --- a/old/51361-h/images/illus1.jpg +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/51361-h/images/illus2.jpg b/old/51361-h/images/illus2.jpg Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index f0a1560..0000000 --- a/old/51361-h/images/illus2.jpg +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/51361-h/images/illus3.jpg b/old/51361-h/images/illus3.jpg Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index da38372..0000000 --- a/old/51361-h/images/illus3.jpg +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/51361.txt b/old/51361.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 959d370..0000000 --- a/old/51361.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1452 +0,0 @@ -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Birds of a Feather, by Robert Silverberg - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: Birds of a Feather - -Author: Robert Silverberg - -Release Date: March 5, 2016 [EBook #51361] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BIRDS OF A FEATHER *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - - - - - Birds of a Feather - - By ROBERT SILVERBERG - - Illustrated by WOOD - - [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from - Galaxy Magazine November 1958. - Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that - the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] - - - - - Getting specimens for the interstellar zoo - was no problem--they battled for the honor--but - now I had to fight like a wildcat to keep - a display from making a monkey of me! - - -It was our first day of recruiting on the planet, and the alien -life-forms had lined up for hundreds of feet back from my rented -office. As I came down the block from the hotel, I could hear and see -and smell them with ease. - -My three staff men, Auchinleck, Stebbins and Ludlow, walked shieldwise -in front of me. I peered between them to size the crop up. The aliens -came in every shape and form, in all colors and textures--and all of -them eager for a Corrigan contract. The Galaxy is full of bizarre -beings, but there's barely a species anywhere that can resist the old -exhibitionist urge. - -"Send them in one at a time," I told Stebbins. I ducked into the -office, took my place back of the desk and waited for the procession to -begin. - -The name of the planet was MacTavish IV (if you went by the official -Terran listing) or Ghryne (if you called it by what its people were -accustomed to calling it). I thought of it privately as MacTavish IV -and referred to it publicly as Ghryne. I believe in keeping the locals -happy wherever I go. - -Through the front window of the office, I could see our big gay tridim -sign plastered to a facing wall: WANTED--EXTRATERRESTRIALS! We had -saturated MacTavish IV with our promotional poop for a month preceding -arrival. Stuff like this: - - - Want to visit Earth--see the Galaxy's most glittering and exclusive - world? Want to draw good pay, work short hours, experience the - thrills of show business on romantic Terra? If you are a - non-terrestrial, there may be a place for you in the Corrigan - Institute of Morphological Science. No freaks wanted--normal beings - only. J. F. Corrigan will hold interviews in person on Ghryne from - Thirdday to Fifthday of Tenmonth. His last visit to the Caledonia - Cluster until 2937, so don't miss your chance! Hurry! A life of - wonder and riches can be yours! - - * * * * * - -Broadsides like that, distributed wholesale in half a thousand -languages, always bring them running. And the Corrigan Institute really -packs in the crowds back on Earth. Why not? It's the best of its kind, -the only really decent place where Earthmen can get a gander at the -other species of the universe. - -The office buzzer sounded. Auchinleck said unctuously, "The first -applicant is ready to see you, sir." - -"Send him, her or it in." - -The door opened and a timid-looking life-form advanced toward me on -nervous little legs. He was a globular creature about the size of a -big basketball, yellowish-green, with two spindly double-kneed legs and -five double-elbowed arms, the latter spaced regularly around his body. -There was a lidless eye at the top of his head and five lidded ones, -one above each arm. Plus a big, gaping, toothless mouth. - -His voice was a surprisingly resounding basso. "You are Mr. Corrigan?" - -"That's right." I reached for a data blank. "Before we begin, I'll need -certain information about--" - -"I am a being of Regulus II," came the grave, booming reply, even -before I had picked up the blank. "I need no special care and I am not -a fugitive from the law of any world." - -"Your name?" - -"Lawrence R. Fitzgerald." - -I throttled my exclamation of surprise, concealing it behind a quick -cough. "Let me have that again, please?" - -"Certainly. My name is Lawrence R. Fitzgerald. The 'R' stands for -Raymond." - -"Of course, that's not the name you were born with." - -The being closed his eyes and toddled around in a 360-degree rotation, -remaining in place. On his world, that gesture is the equivalent of -an apologetic smile. "My Regulan name no longer matters. I am now and -shall evermore be Lawrence R. Fitzgerald. I am a Terraphile, you see." - - * * * * * - -The little Regulan was as good as hired. Only the formalities remained. -"You understand our terms, Mr. Fitzgerald?" - -"I'll be placed on exhibition at your Institute on Earth. You'll pay -for my services, transportation and expenses. I'll be required to -remain on exhibit no more than one-third of each Terran sidereal day." - -"And the pay will be--ah--$50 Galactic a week, plus expenses and -transportation." - -The spherical creature clapped his hands in joy, three hands clapping -on one side, two on the other. "Wonderful! I will see Earth at last! I -accept the terms!" - -I buzzed for Ludlow and gave him the fast signal that meant we were -signing this alien up at half the usual pay, and Ludlow took him into -the other office to sign him up. - -I grinned, pleased with myself. We needed a green Regulan in our show; -the last one had quit four years ago. But just because we needed him -didn't mean we had to be extravagant in hiring him. A Terraphile alien -who goes to the extent of rechristening himself with a Terran monicker -would work for nothing, or even pay us, just so long as we let him get -to Earth. My conscience won't let me really _exploit_ a being, but I -don't believe in throwing money away, either. - -The next applicant was a beefy ursinoid from Aldebaran IX. Our outfit -has all the ursinoids it needs or is likely to need in the next few -decades, and so I got rid of him in a couple of minutes. He was -followed by a roly-poly blue-skinned humanoid from Donovan's Planet, -four feet high and five hundred pounds heavy. We already had a couple -of his species in the show, but they made good crowd-pleasers, being -so plump and cheerful. I passed him along to Auchinleck to sign at -anything short of top rate. - -Next came a bedraggled Sirian spider who was more interested in a -handout than a job. If there's any species we have a real over-supply -of, it's those silver-colored spiders, but this seedy specimen gave it -a try anyway. He got the gate in half a minute, and he didn't even get -the handout he was angling for. I don't approve of begging. - -The flora of applicants was steady. Ghryne is in the heart of the -Caledonia Cluster, where the interstellar crossroads meet. We had -figured to pick up plenty of new exhibits here and we were right. - - * * * * * - -It was the isolationism of the late 29th century that turned me into -the successful proprietor of Corrigan's Institute, after some years -as an impoverished carnival man in the Betelgeuse system. Back in -2903, the World Congress declared Terra off-bounds for non-terrestrial -beings, as an offshoot of the Terra for Terrans movement. - -Before then, anyone could visit Earth. After the gate clanged down, -a non-terrestrial could only get onto Sol III as a specimen in a -scientific collection--in short, as an exhibit in a zoo. - -That's what the Corrigan Institute of Morphological Science really is, -of course. A zoo. But we don't go out and hunt for our specimens; we -advertise and they come flocking to us. Every alien wants to see Earth -once in his lifetime, and there's only one way he can do it. - -We don't keep too big an inventory. At last count, we had 690 specimens -before this trip, representing 298 different intelligent life-forms. -My goal is at least one member of at least 500 different races. When I -reach that, I'll sit back and let the competition catch up--if it can. - -After an hour of steady work that morning, we had signed eleven new -specimens. At the same time, we had turned away a dozen ursinoids, -fifty of the reptilian natives of Ghryne, seven Sirian spiders, and no -less than nineteen chlorine-breathing Procyonites wearing gas masks. - -It was also my sad duty to nix a Vegan who was negotiating through a -Ghrynian agent. A Vegan would be a top-flight attraction, being some -400 feet long and appropriately fearsome to the eye, but I didn't see -how we could take one on. They're gentle and likable beings, but their -upkeep runs into literally tons of fresh meat a day, and not just any -old kind of meat either. So we had to do without the Vegan. - -"One more specimen before lunch," I told Stebbins, "to make it an even -dozen." - -He looked at me queerly and nodded. A being entered. I took a long -close look at the life-form when it came in, and after that I took -another one. I wondered what kind of stunt was being pulled. So far as -I could tell, the being was quite plainly nothing but an Earthman. - -He sat down facing me without being asked and crossed his legs. He was -tall and extremely thin, with pale blue eyes and dirty-blond hair, and -though he was clean and reasonably well dressed, he had a shabby look -about him. He said, in level Terran accents, "I'm looking for a job -with your outfit, Corrigan." - -"There's been a mistake. We're interested in non-terrestrials only." - -"I'm a non-terrestrial. My name is Ildwar Gorb, of the planet Wazzenazz -XIII." - - * * * * * - -I don't mind conning the public from time to time, but I draw the line -at getting bilked myself. "Look, friend, I'm busy, and I'm not known -for my sense of humor. Or my generosity." - -"I'm not panhandling. I'm looking for a job." - -"Then try elsewhere. Suppose you stop wasting my time, bud. You're as -Earthborn as I am." - -"I've never been within a dozen parsecs of Earth," he said smoothly. "I -happen to be a representative of the only Earthlike race that exists -anywhere in the Galaxy but on Earth itself. Wazzenazz XIII is a small -and little-known planet in the Crab Nebula. Through an evolutionary -fluke, my race is identical with yours. Now, don't you want me in your -circus?" - -"No. And it's not a circus. It's--" - -"A scientific institute. I stand corrected." - -There was something glib and appealing about this preposterous phony. I -guess I recognized a kindred spirit or I would have tossed him out on -his ear without another word. Instead I played along. "If you're from -such a distant place, how come you speak English so well?" - -"I'm not speaking. I'm a telepath--not the kind that reads minds, just -the kind that projects. I communicate in symbols that you translate -back to colloquial speech." - -"Very clever, Mr. Gorb." I grinned at him and shook my head. "You spin -a good yarn--but for my money, you're really Sam Jones or Phil Smith -from Earth, stranded here and out of cash. You want a free trip back to -Earth. No deal. The demand for beings from Wazzenazz XIII is pretty low -these days. Zero, in fact. Good-by, Mr. Gorb." - -He pointed a finger squarely at me and said, "You're making a big -mistake. I'm just what your outfit needs. A representative of a -hitherto utterly unknown race identical to humanity in every respect! -Look here, examine my teeth. Absolutely like human teeth! And--" - -I pulled away from his yawning mouth. "Good-by, Mr. Gorb," I repeated. - -"All I ask is a contract, Corrigan. It isn't much. I'll be a big -attraction. I'll--" - -"_Good-by, Mr. Gorb!_" - -He glowered at me reproachfully for a moment, stood up and sauntered to -the door. "I thought you were a man of acumen, Corrigan. Well, think -it over. Maybe you'll regret your hastiness. I'll be back to give you -another chance." - -He slammed the door and I let my grim expression relax into a smile. -This was the best con switch yet--an Earthman posing as an alien to get -a job! - -But I wasn't buying it, even if I could appreciate his cleverness -intellectually. There's no such place as Wazzenazz XIII and there's -only one human race in the Galaxy--on Earth. I was going to need some -real good reason before I gave a down-and-out grifter a free ticket -home. - -I didn't know it then, but before the day was out, I would have that -reason. And, with it, plenty of trouble on my hands. - - * * * * * - -The first harbinger of woe turned up after lunch in the person of a -Kallerian. The Kallerian was the sixth applicant that afternoon. I -had turned away three more ursinoids, hired a vegetable from Miazan, -and said no to a scaly pseudo-armadillo from one of the Delta Worlds. -Hardly had the 'dillo scuttled dejectedly out of my office when the -Kallerian came striding in, not even waiting for Stebbins to admit him -officially. - -He was big even for his kind--in the neighborhood of nine feet high, -and getting on toward a ton. He planted himself firmly on his three -stocky feet, extended his massive arms in a Kallerian greeting-gesture, -and growled, "I am Vallo Heraal, Freeman of Kaller IV. You will sign me -immediately to a contract." - -"Sit down, Freeman Heraal. I like to make my own decisions, thanks." - -"You will grant me a contract!" - -"Will you please sit down?" - -He said sulkily, "I will remain standing." - -"As you prefer." My desk has a few concealed features which are -sometimes useful in dealing with belligerent or disappointed -life-forms. My fingers roamed to the meshgun trigger, just in case of -trouble. - -The Kallerian stood motionless before me. They're hairy creatures, and -this one had a coarse, thick mat of blue fur completely covering his -body. Two fierce eyes glimmered out through the otherwise dense blanket -of fur. He was wearing the kilt, girdle and ceremonial blaster of his -warlike race. - -I said, "You'll have to understand, Freeman Heraal, that it's not our -policy to maintain more than a few members of each species at our -Institute. And we're not currently in need of any Kallerian males, -because--" - -"You will hire me or trouble I will make!" - -I opened our inventory chart. I showed him that we were already -carrying four Kallerians, and that was more than plenty. - -The beady little eyes flashed like beacons in the fur. "Yes, you have -four representatives--of the Clan Verdrokh! None of the Clan Gursdrinn! -For three years, I have waited for a chance to avenge this insult to -the noble Clan Gursdrinn!" - -At the key-word _avenge_, I readied myself to ensnarl the Kallerian -in a spume of tanglemesh the instant he went for his blaster, but he -didn't move. He bellowed, "I have vowed a vow, Earthman. Take me to -Earth, enroll a Gursdrinn, or the consequences will be terrible!" - - * * * * * - -I'm a man of principles, like all straightforward double-dealers, and -one of the most important of those principles is that I never let -myself be bullied by anyone. "I deeply regret having unintentionally -insulted your clan, Freeman Heraal. Will you accept my apologies?" - -He glared at me in silence. - -I went on, "Please be assured that I'll undo the insult at the earliest -possible opportunity. It's not feasible for us to hire another -Kallerian now, but I'll give preference to the Clan Gursdrinn as soon -as a vacancy--" - -"No. You will hire me now." - -"It can't be done, Freeman Heraal. We have a budget, and we stick to -it." - -"You will rue! I will take drastic measures!" - -"Threats will get you nowhere, Freeman Heraal. I give you my word I'll -get in touch with you as soon as our organization has room for another -Kallerian. And now, please, there are many applicants waiting--" - -You'd think it would be sort of humiliating to become a specimen in a -zoo, but most of these races take it as an honor. And there's always -the chance that, by picking a given member of a race, we're insulting -all the others. - -I nudged the trouble-button on the side of my desk and Auchinleck and -Ludlow appeared simultaneously from the two doors at right and left. -They surrounded the towering Kallerian and sweet-talkingly led him -away. He wasn't minded to quarrel physically, or he could have knocked -them both into the next city with a backhand swipe of his shaggy paw, -but he kept up a growling flow of invective and threats until he was -out in the hall. - -I mopped sweat from my forehead and began to buzz Stebbins for the next -applicant. But before my finger touched the button, the door popped -open and a small being came scooting in, followed by an angry Stebbins. - -"Come here, you!" - -"Stebbins?" I said gently. - -"I'm sorry, Mr. Corrigan. I lost sight of this one for a moment, and he -came running in--" - -"Please, please," squeaked the little alien pitifully. "I must see you, -honored sir!" - -"It isn't his turn in line," Stebbins protested. "There are at least -fifty ahead of him." - -"All right," I said tiredly. "As long as he's in here already, I might -as well see him. Be more careful next time, Stebbins." - -Stebbins nodded dolefully and backed out. - - * * * * * - -The alien was a pathetic sight: a Stortulian, a squirrely-looking -creature about three feet high. His fur, which should have been a -lustrous black, was a dull gray, and his eyes were wet and sad. His -tail drooped. His voice was little more than a faint whimper, even at -full volume. - -"Begging your most honored pardon most humbly, important sir. I am a -being of Stortul XII, having sold my last few possessions to travel -to Ghryne for the miserable purpose of obtaining an interview with -yourself." - -I said, "I'd better tell you right at the outset that we're already -carrying our full complement of Stortulians. We have both a male and a -female now and--" - -"This is known to me. The female--is her name perchance Tiress?" - -I glanced down at the inventory chart until I found the Stortulian -entry. "Yes, that's her name." - -The little being immediately emitted a soul-shaking gasp. "It is she! -It is she!" - -"I'm afraid we don't have room for any more--" - -"You are not in full understanding of my plight. The female Tiress, -she is--was--my own Fire-sent spouse, my comfort and my warmth, my life -and my love." - -"Funny," I said. "When we signed her three years ago, she said she was -single. It's right here on the chart." - -"She lied! She left my burrow because she longed to see the splendors -of Earth. And I am alone, bound by our sacred customs never to remarry, -languishing in sadness and pining for her return. You _must_ take me to -Earth!" - -"But--" - -"I must see her--her and this disgrace-bringing lover of hers. I must -reason with her. Earthman, can't you see I must appeal to her inner -flame? _I must bring her back!_" - -My face was expressionless. "You don't really intend to join our -organization at all--you just want free passage to Earth?" - -"Yes, yes!" wailed the Stortulian. "Find some other member of my race, -if you must! Let me have my wife again, Earthman! Is your heart a dead -lump of stone?" - - * * * * * - -It isn't, but another of my principles is to refuse to be swayed by -sentiment. I felt sorry for this being's domestic troubles, but I -wasn't going to break up a good act just to make an alien squirrel -happy--not to mention footing the transportation. - -I said, "I don't see how we can manage it. The laws are very strict -on the subject of bringing alien life to Earth. It has to be for -scientific purposes only. And if I know in advance that your purpose in -coming isn't scientific, I can't in all conscience _lie_ for you, can -I?" - -"Well--" - -"Of course not." I took advantage of his pathetic upset to steam right -along. "Now if you had come in here and simply asked me to sign you up, -I might conceivably have done it. But no--you had to go unburden your -heart to me." - -"I thought the truth would move you." - -"It did. But in effect you're now asking me to conspire in a fraudulent -criminal act. Friend, I can't do it. My reputation means too much to -me," I said piously. - -"Then you will refuse me?" - -"My heart melts to nothingness for you. But I can't take you to Earth." - -"Perhaps you will send my wife to me here?" - -There's a clause in every contract that allows me to jettison an -unwanted specimen. All I have to do is declare it no longer of -scientific interest, and the World Government will deport the -undesirable alien back to its home world. But I wouldn't pull a low -trick like that on our female Stortulian. - -I said, "I'll ask her about coming home. But I won't ship her back -against her will. And maybe she's happier where she is." - -The Stortulian seemed to shrivel. His eyelids closed half-way to mask -his tears. He turned and shambled slowly to the door, walking like a -living dishrag. In a bleak voice, he said, "There is no hope then. All -is lost. I will never see my soulmate again. Good day, Earthman." - -He spoke in a drab monotone that almost, but not quite, had me weeping. -I watched him shuffle out. I do have _some_ conscience, and I had the -uneasy feeling I had just been talking to a being who was about to -commit suicide on my account. - - * * * * * - -About fifty more applicants were processed without a hitch. Then life -started to get complicated again. - -Nine of the fifty were okay. The rest were unacceptable for one reason -or another, and they took the bad news quietly enough. The haul for the -day so far was close to two dozen new life-forms under contract. - -I had just about begun to forget about the incidents of the Kallerian's -outraged pride and the Stortulian's flighty wife when the door opened -and the Earthman who called himself Ildwar Gorb of Wazzenazz XIII -stepped in. - -"How did _you_ get in here?" I demanded. - -"Your man happened to be looking the wrong way," he said cheerily. -"Change your mind about me yet?" - -"Get out before I have you thrown out." - -Gorb shrugged. "I figured you hadn't changed your mind, so I've changed -my pitch a bit. If you won't believe I'm from Wazzenazz XIII, suppose I -tell you that I _am_ Earthborn, and that I'm looking for a job on your -staff." - -"I don't care _what_ your story is! Get out or--" - -"--you'll have me thrown out. Okay, okay. Just give me half a second. -Corrigan, you're no fool, and neither am I--but that fellow of yours -outside _is_. He doesn't know how to handle alien beings. How many -times today has a life-form come in here unexpectedly?" - -I scowled at him. "Too damn many." - -"You see? He's incompetent. Suppose you fire him, take me on instead. -I've been living in the outworlds half my life; I know all there is to -know about alien life-forms. You can use me, Corrigan." - -I took a deep breath and glanced all around the paneled ceiling of -the office before I spoke. "Listen, Gorb, or whatever your name is, -I've had a hard day. There's been a Kallerian in here who just about -threatened murder, and there's been a Stortulian in here who's about -to commit suicide because of me. I have a conscience and it's troubling -me. But get this: I just want to finish off my recruiting, pack up and -go home to Earth. I don't want you hanging around here bothering me. -I'm not looking to hire new staff members, and if you switch back to -claiming you're an unknown life-form from Wazzenazz XIII, the answer is -that I'm not looking for any of _those_ either. Now will you scram or--" - -The office door crashed open at that point and Heraal, the Kallerian, -came thundering in. He was dressed from head to toe in glittering -metalfoil, and instead of his ceremonial blaster, he was wielding -a sword the length of a human being. Stebbins and Auchinleck came -dragging helplessly along in his wake, hanging desperately to his belt. - -"Sorry, Chief," Stebbins gasped. "I tried to keep him out, but--" - -Heraal, who had planted himself in front of my desk, drowned him out -with a roar. "Earthman, you have mortally insulted the Clan Gursdrinn!" - - * * * * * - -Sitting with my hands poised near the meshgun trigger, I was ready to -let him have it at the first sight of actual violence. - -Heraal boomed, "You are responsible for what is to happen now. I have -notified the authorities and you prosecuted will be for causing the -death of a life-form! Suffer, Earthborn ape! Suffer!" - -"Watch it, Chief," Stebbins yelled. "He's going to--" - -An instant before my numb fingers could tighten on the meshgun -trigger, Heraal swung that huge sword through the air and plunged it -savagely through his body. He toppled forward onto the carpet with the -sword projecting a couple of feet out of his back. A few driblets of -bluish-purple blood spread from beneath him. - -Before I could react to the big life-form's hara-kiri, the office door -flew open again and three sleek reptilian beings entered, garbed in the -green sashes of the local police force. Their golden eyes goggled down -at the figure on the floor, then came to rest on me. - -"You are J. F. Corrigan?" the leader asked. - -"Y-yes." - -"We have received word of a complaint against you. Said complaint -being--" - -"--that your unethical actions have directly contributed to the -untimely death of an intelligent life-form," filled in the second of -the Ghrynian policemen. - -"The evidence lies before us," intoned the leader, "in the cadaver -of the unfortunate Kallerian who filed the complaint with us several -minutes ago." - -"And therefore," said the third lizard, "it is our duty to arrest -you for this crime and declare you subject to a fine of no less than -$100,000 Galactic or two years in prison." - -"Hold on!" I stormed. "You mean that any being from anywhere in the -Universe can come in here and gut himself on my carpet, and _I'm_ -responsible?" - -"This is the law. Do you deny that your stubborn refusal to yield to -this late life-form's request lies at the root of his sad demise?" - -"Well, no, but--" - -"Failure to deny is admission of guilt. You are guilty, Earthman." - - * * * * * - -Closing my eyes wearily, I tried to wish the whole babbling lot of them -away. If I had to, I could pony up the hundred-grand fine, but it was -going to put an awful dent in this year's take. And I shuddered when I -remembered that any minute that scrawny little Stortulian was likely to -come bursting in here to kill himself too. Was it a fine of $100,000 -per suicide? At that rate, I could be out of business by nightfall. - -I was spared further such morbid thoughts by yet another unannounced -arrival. - -The small figure of the Stortulian trudged through the open doorway -and stationed itself limply near the threshold. The three Ghrynian -policemen and my three assistants forgot the dead Kallerian for a -moment and turned to eye the newcomer. - -I had visions of unending troubles with the law here on Ghryne. I -resolved never to come here on a recruiting trip again--or, if I _did_ -come, to figure out some more effective way of screening myself against -crackpots. - -In heart-rending tones, the Stortulian declared, "Life is no longer -worth living. My last hope is gone. There is only one thing left for me -to do." - -I was quivering at the thought of another hundred thousand smackers -going down the drain. "Stop him, somebody! He's going to kill himself! -He's--" - -Then somebody sprinted toward me, hit me amidships, and knocked me -flying out from behind my desk before I had a chance to fire the -meshgun. My head walloped the floor, and for five or six seconds, I -guess I wasn't fully aware of what was going on. - -Gradually the scene took shape around me. There was a monstrous hole -in the wall behind my desk; a smoking blaster lay on the floor, and I -saw the three Ghrynian policemen sitting on the raving Stortulian. The -man who called himself Ildwar Gorb was getting to his feet and dusting -himself off. - -He helped me up. "Sorry to have had to tackle you, Corrigan. But that -Stortulian wasn't here to commit suicide, you see. He was out to get -you." - -I weaved dizzily toward my desk and dropped into my chair. A flying -fragment of wall had deflated my pneumatic cushion. The smell of ashed -plaster was everywhere. The police were effectively cocooning the -struggling little alien in an unbreakable tanglemesh. - -"Evidently you don't know as much as you think you do about Stortulian -psychology, Corrigan," Gorb said lightly. "Suicide is completely -abhorrent to them. When they're troubled, they kill the person who -caused their trouble. In this case, you." - - * * * * * - -I began to chuckle--more of a tension-relieving snicker than a -full-bodied laugh. - -"Funny," I said. - -"What is?" asked the self-styled Wazzenazzian. - -"These aliens. Big blustery Heraal came in with murder in his eye and -killed _himself_, and the pint-sized Stortulian who looked so meek and -pathetic damn near blew my head off." I shuddered. "Thanks for the -tackle job." - -"Don't mention it," Gorb said. - -I glared at the Ghrynian police. "Well? What are you waiting for? Take -that murderous little beast out of here! Or isn't murder against the -local laws?" - -"The Stortulian will be duly punished," replied the leader of the -Ghrynian cops calmly. "But there is the matter of the dead Kallerian -and the fine of--" - -"--one hundred thousand dollars. I know." I groaned and turned to -Stebbins. "Get the Terran Consulate on the phone, Stebbins. Have them -send down a legal adviser. Find out if there's any way we can get out -of this mess with our skins intact." - -"Right, Chief." Stebbins moved toward the visiphone. - -Gorb stepped forward and put a hand on his chest. - -"Hold it," the Wazzenazzian said crisply. "The Consulate can't help -you. I can." - -"You?" I said. - -"I can get you out of this cheap." - -"_How_ cheap?" - -Gorb grinned rakishly. "Five thousand in cash plus a contract as a -specimen with your outfit. In advance, of course. That's a heck of a -lot better than forking over a hundred grand, isn't it?" - -I eyed Gorb uncertainly. The Terran Consulate people probably wouldn't -be much help; they tried to keep out of local squabbles unless they -were really serious, and I knew from past experiences that no officials -ever worried much about the state of my pocketbook. On the other hand, -giving this slyster a contract might be a risky proposition. - -"Tell you what," I said finally. "You've got yourself a deal--but on -a contingency basis. Get me out of this and you'll have five grand and -the contract. Otherwise, nothing." - -Gorb shrugged. "What have I to lose?" - - * * * * * - -Before the police could interfere, Gorb trotted over to the hulking -corpse of the Kallerian and fetched it a mighty kick. - -"Wake up, you faker! Stop playing possum and stand up! You aren't -fooling anyone!" - -The Ghrynians got off the huddled little assassin and tried to stop -Gorb. "Your pardon, but the dead require your respect," began one of -the lizards mildly. - -Gorb whirled angrily. "Maybe the dead do--but this character isn't -dead!" - -He knelt and said loudly in the Kallerian's dishlike ear, "You might -as well quit it, Heraal. Listen to this, you shamming mountain of -meat--_your mother knits doilies for the Clan Verdrokh_!" - -The supposedly dead Kallerian emitted a twenty-cycle rumble that shook -the floor, and clambered to his feet, pulling the sword out of his body -and waving it in the air. Gorb leaped back nimbly, snatched up the -Stortulian's fallen blaster, and trained it neatly on the big alien's -throat before he could do any damage. The Kallerian grumbled and -lowered his sword. - -I felt groggy. I thought I knew plenty about non-terrestrial -life-forms, but I was learning a few things today. "I don't understand. -How--" - -The police were blue with chagrin. "A thousand pardons, Earthman. There -seems to have been some error." - -"There seems to have been a cute little con game," Gorb remarked -quietly. - -I recovered my balance. "Try to milk me of a hundred grand when -there's been no crime?" I snapped. "I'll say there's been an error! -If I weren't a forgiving man, I'd clap the bunch of you in jail for -attempting to defraud an Earthman! Get out of here! And take that -would-be murderer with you!" - -They got, and they got fast, burbling apologies as they went. They had -tried to fox an Earthman, and that's a dangerous sport. They dragged -the cocooned form of the Stortulian with them. The air seemed to clear, -and peace was restored. I signaled to Auchinleck and he slammed the -door. - -"All right." I looked at Gorb and jerked a thumb at the Kallerian. -"That's a nice trick. How does it work?" - - * * * * * - -Gorb smiled pleasantly. He was enjoying this, I could see. "Kallerians -of the Clan Gursdrinn specialize in a kind of mental discipline, -Corrigan. It isn't too widely known in this area of the Galaxy, but -men of that clan have unusual mental control over their bodies. They -can cut off circulation and nervous-system response in large chunks of -their bodies for hours at a stretch--an absolutely perfect imitation of -death. And, of course, when Heraal put the sword through himself, it -was a simple matter to avoid hitting any vital organs en route." - -The Kallerian, still at gunpoint, hung his head in shame. I turned on -him. "So--try to swindle me, eh? You cooked this whole fake suicide up -in collusion with those cops." - -He looked quite a sight, with that gaping slash running clear through -his body. But the wound had begun to heal already. "I regret the -incident, Earthman. I am mortified. Be good enough to destroy this -unworthy person." - -It was a tempting idea, but a notion was forming in my showman's mind. -"No, I won't destroy you. Tell me--how often can you do that trick?" - -"The tissues will regenerate in a few hours." - -"Would you mind having to kill yourself every day, Heraal? And twice on -Sundays?" - -Heraal looked doubtful. "Well, for the honor of my Clan, perhaps--" - -Stebbins said, "Boss, you mean--" - -"Shut up. Heraal, you're hired--$75 a week plus expenses. Stebbins, get -me a contract form--and type in a clause requiring Heraal to perform -his suicide stunt at least five but no more than eight times a week." - -I felt a satisfied glow. There's nothing more pleasing than to turn a -swindle into a sure-fire crowd-puller. - -"Aren't you forgetting something, Corrigan?" asked Ildwar Gorb in a -quietly menacing voice. "We had a little agreement, you know." - -"Oh. Yes." I moistened my lips and glanced shiftily around the office. -There had been too many witnesses. I couldn't back down. I had no -choice but to write out a check for five grand and give Gorb a standard -alien-specimen contract. Unless.... - -"Just a second," I said. "To enter Earth as an alien exhibit, you need -proof of alien origin." - -He grinned, pulled out a batch of documents. "Nothing to it. -Everything's stamped and in order--and anybody who wants to prove -these papers are fraudulent will have to find Wazzenazz XIII first!" - -We signed and I filed the contracts away. But only then did it occur -to me that the events of the past hour might have been even more -complicated than they looked. Suppose, I wondered, Gorb had conspired -with Heraal to stage the fake suicide, and rung in the cops as -well--with contracts for both of them the price of my getting off the -hook? - -It could very well be. And if it was, it meant I had been taken as -neatly as any chump I'd ever conned. - -Carefully keeping a poker face, I did a silent burn. Gorb, or whatever -his real name was, was going to find himself living up to that contract -he'd signed--every damn word and letter of it! - - * * * * * - -We left Ghryne later that week, having interviewed some eleven hundred -alien life-forms and having hired fifty-two. It brought the register -of our zoo--pardon me, the Institute--to a nice pleasant 742 specimens -representing 326 intelligent life-forms. - -Ildwar Gorb, the Wazzenazzian--who admitted that his real name was Mike -Higgins, of St. Louis--turned out to be a tower of strength on the -return voyage. It developed that he really _did_ know all there was to -know about alien life-forms. - -When he found out I had turned down the 400-foot-long Vegan because -the upkeep would be too big, Gorb-Higgins rushed off to the Vegan's -agent and concluded a deal whereby we acquired a fertilized Vegan -ovum, weighing hardly more than an ounce. Transporting _that_ was a -lot cheaper than lugging a full-grown adult Vegan, besides which, -he assured me that the infant beast could be adapted to a diet of -vegetables without any difficulty. - -He made life a lot easier for me during the six-week voyage to Earth in -our specially constructed ship. With fifty-two alien life-forms aboard, -all sorts of dietary problems arose, not to mention the headaches -that popped up over pride of place and the like. The Kallerian simply -refused to be quartered anywhere but on the left-hand side of the ship, -for example--but that was the side we had reserved for low-gravity -creatures, and there was no room for him there. - -"We'll be traveling in hyperspace all the way to Earth," Gorb-Higgins -assured the stubborn Kallerian. "Our cosmostatic polarity will be -reversed, you see." - -"Hah?" asked Heraal in confusion. - -"The cosmostatic polarity. If you take a bunk on the left-hand side of -the ship, you'll be traveling on the right-hand side all the way there!" - -"Oh," said the big Kallerian. "I didn't know that. Thank you for -explaining." - -He gratefully took the stateroom we assigned him. - -Higgins really had a way with the creatures, all right. He made us look -like fumbling amateurs, and I had been operating in this business more -than fifteen years. - -Somehow Higgins managed to be on the spot whenever trouble broke out. -A highly strung Norvennith started a feud with a pair of Vanoinans -over an alleged moral impropriety; Norvennithi can be _very_ stuffy -sometimes. But Gorb convinced the outraged being that what the -Vanoinans were doing in the washroom was perfectly proper. Well, it -was, but I'd never have thought of using that particular analogy. - -I could list half a dozen other incidents in which Gorb-Higgins' -special knowledge of outworld beings saved us from annoying hassles on -that trip back. It was the first time I had ever had another man with -brains in the organization and I was getting worried. - -When I first set up the Institute back in the early 2920s, it was with -my own capital, scraped together while running a comparative biology -show on Betelgeuse IX. I saw to it that I was the sole owner. And I -took care to hire competent but unspectacular men as my staffers--men -like Stebbins, Auchinleck and Ludlow. - -Only now I had a viper in my bosom, in the person of this Ildwar -Gorb-Mike Higgins. He could think for himself. He knew a good racket -when he saw one. We were birds of a feather, Higgins and I. I doubted -if there was room for both of us in this outfit. - - * * * * * - -I sent for him just before we were about to make Earthfall, offered him -a few slugs of brandy before I got to the point. "Mike, I've watched -the way you handled the exhibits on the way back here." - -"The _other_ exhibits," he pointed out. "I'm one of them, not a staff -man." - -"Your Wazzenazzian status is just a fiction cooked up to get you past -the immigration authorities, Mike. But I've got a proposition for you." - -"Propose away." - -"I'm getting a little too old for this starcombing routine," I said. -"Up to now, I've been doing my own recruiting, but only because I -couldn't trust anyone else to do the job. I think you could handle -it, though." I stubbed out my cigarette and lit another. "Tell you -what, Mike--I'll rip up your contract as an exhibit, and I'll give you -another one as a staffman, paying twice as much. Your job will be to -roam the planets finding new material for us. How about it?" - -I had the new contract all drawn up. I pushed it toward him, but he put -his hand down over mine and smiled amiably as he said, "No go." - -"No? Not even for twice the pay?" - -"I've done my own share of roaming," he said. "Don't offer me more -money. I just want to settle down on Earth, Jim. I don't care about -the cash. Honest." - -It was very touching, and also very phony, but there was nothing I -could do. I couldn't get rid of him that way. I had to bring him to -Earth. - -The immigration officials argued about his papers, but he'd had the -things so cleverly faked that there was no way of proving he wasn't -from Wazzenazz XIII. We set him up in a key spot of the building. - -The Kallerian, Heraal, is one of our top attractions now. Every day at -two in the afternoon, he commits ritual suicide, and soon afterward -rises from death to the accompaniment of a trumpet fanfare. The four -other Kallerians we had before are wildly jealous of the crowds he -draws, but they're just not trained to do his act. - -But the unquestioned number one attraction here is confidence man Mike -Higgins. He's billed as the only absolutely human life-form from an -extraterrestrial planet, and though we've had our share of debunking, -it has only increased business. - -Funny that the biggest draw at a zoo like ours should be a home-grown -Earthman, but that's show business. - - * * * * * - -A couple of weeks after we got back, Mike added a new wrinkle to the -act. He turned up with a blonde showgirl named Marie, and now we -have a Woman from Wazzenazz too. It's more fun for Mike that way. And -downright clever. - -He's too clever, in fact. Like I said, I appreciate a good confidence -man, the way some people appreciate fine wine. But I wish I had left -Ildwar Gorb back on Ghryne, instead of signing him up with us. - -Yesterday he stopped by at my office after we had closed down for the -day. He was wearing that pleasant smile he always wears when he's up to -something. - -He accepted a drink, as usual, and then he said, "Jim, I was talking to -Lawrence R. Fitzgerald yesterday." - -"The little Regulan? The green basketball?" - -"That's the one. He tells me he's only getting $50 a week. And a lot of -the other boys here are drawing pretty low pay too." - -My stomach gave a warning twinge. "Mike, if you're looking for a raise, -I've told you time and again you're worth it to me. How about twenty a -week?" - -He held up one hand. "I'm not angling for a raise for _me_, Jim." - -"What then?" - -He smiled beatifically. "The boys and I held a little meeting yesterday -evening, and we--ah--formed a union, with me as leader. I'd like to -discuss the idea of a general wage increase for every one of the -exhibits here." - -"Higgins, you blackmailer, how can I afford--" - -"Easy," he said. "You'd hate to lose a few weeks' gross, wouldn't you?" - -"You mean you'd call a strike?" - -He shrugged. "If you leave me no choice, how else can I protect my -members' interests?" - -After about half an hour of haggling, he sweated me into an -across-the-board increase for the entire mob, with a distinct hint of -further raises to come. But he also casually let me know the price he's -asking to call off the hounds. He wants a partnership in the Institute; -a share in the receipts. - -If he gets that, it makes him a member of management, and he'll have to -quit as union leader. That way I won't have him to contend with as a -negotiator. - -But I _will_ have him firmly embedded in the organization, and once -he gets his foot in the door, he won't be satisfied until he's on -top--which means when I'm out. - - * * * * * - -But I'm not licked yet! Not after a full lifetime of conniving and -swindling! I've been over and over the angles and there's one thing you -can always count on--a trickster will always outsmart himself if you -give him the chance. I did it with Higgins. Now he's done it with me. - -He'll be back here in half an hour to find out whether he gets his -partnership or not. Well, he'll get his answer. I'm going to affirm, as -per the escape clause in the standard exhibit contract he signed, that -he is no longer of scientific value, and the Feds will pick him up and -deport him to his home world. - -That leaves him two equally nasty choices. - -Those fake documents of his were good enough to get him admitted to -Earth as a legitimate alien. How the World Police get him back there is -their headache--and his. - -If he admits the papers were phony, the only way he'll get out of -prison will be when it collapses of old age. - -So I'll give him a third choice: He can sign an undated confession, -which I will keep in my safe, as guarantee against future finagling. - -I don't expect to be around forever, you see, though, with that little -secret I picked up on Rimbaud II, it'll be a good long time, not even -barring accidents, and I've been wondering whom to leave the Corrigan -Institute of Morphological Science to. Higgins will make a fine -successor. - -Oh, one more thing he will have to sign. It remains the Corrigan -Institute as long as the place is in business. - -Try to outcon me, will he? - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Birds of a Feather, by Robert Silverberg - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BIRDS OF A FEATHER *** - -***** This file should be named 51361.txt or 51361.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/1/3/6/51361/ - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, -set forth in the General Terms of Use part of this license, apply to -copying and distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works to -protect the PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm concept and trademark. Project -Gutenberg is a registered trademark, and may not be used if you -charge for the eBooks, unless you receive specific permission. If you -do not charge anything for copies of this eBook, complying with the -rules is very easy. You may use this eBook for nearly any purpose -such as creation of derivative works, reports, performances and -research. They may be modified and printed and given away--you may do -practically ANYTHING with public domain eBooks. Redistribution is -subject to the trademark license, especially commercial -redistribution. - - - -*** START: FULL LICENSE *** - -THE FULL PROJECT GUTENBERG LICENSE -PLEASE READ THIS BEFORE YOU DISTRIBUTE OR USE THIS WORK - -To protect the Project Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting the free -distribution of electronic works, by using or distributing this work -(or any other work associated in any way with the phrase "Project -Gutenberg"), you agree to comply with all the terms of the Full Project -Gutenberg-tm License (available with this file or online at -http://gutenberg.org/license). - - -Section 1. General Terms of Use and Redistributing Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic works - -1.A. By reading or using any part of this Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic work, you indicate that you have read, understand, agree to -and accept all the terms of this license and intellectual property -(trademark/copyright) agreement. If you do not agree to abide by all -the terms of this agreement, you must cease using and return or destroy -all copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in your possession. -If you paid a fee for obtaining a copy of or access to a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work and you do not agree to be bound by the -terms of this agreement, you may obtain a refund from the person or -entity to whom you paid the fee as set forth in paragraph 1.E.8. - -1.B. "Project Gutenberg" is a registered trademark. It may only be -used on or associated in any way with an electronic work by people who -agree to be bound by the terms of this agreement. There are a few -things that you can do with most Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works -even without complying with the full terms of this agreement. See -paragraph 1.C below. There are a lot of things you can do with Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works if you follow the terms of this agreement -and help preserve free future access to Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works. See paragraph 1.E below. - -1.C. The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation ("the Foundation" -or PGLAF), owns a compilation copyright in the collection of Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic works. Nearly all the individual works in the -collection are in the public domain in the United States. If an -individual work is in the public domain in the United States and you are -located in the United States, we do not claim a right to prevent you from -copying, distributing, performing, displaying or creating derivative -works based on the work as long as all references to Project Gutenberg -are removed. Of course, we hope that you will support the Project -Gutenberg-tm mission of promoting free access to electronic works by -freely sharing Project Gutenberg-tm works in compliance with the terms of -this agreement for keeping the Project Gutenberg-tm name associated with -the work. You can easily comply with the terms of this agreement by -keeping this work in the same format with its attached full Project -Gutenberg-tm License when you share it without charge with others. - -1.D. The copyright laws of the place where you are located also govern -what you can do with this work. Copyright laws in most countries are in -a constant state of change. If you are outside the United States, check -the laws of your country in addition to the terms of this agreement -before downloading, copying, displaying, performing, distributing or -creating derivative works based on this work or any other Project -Gutenberg-tm work. The Foundation makes no representations concerning -the copyright status of any work in any country outside the United -States. - -1.E. Unless you have removed all references to Project Gutenberg: - -1.E.1. The following sentence, with active links to, or other immediate -access to, the full Project Gutenberg-tm License must appear prominently -whenever any copy of a Project Gutenberg-tm work (any work on which the -phrase "Project Gutenberg" appears, or with which the phrase "Project -Gutenberg" is associated) is accessed, displayed, performed, viewed, -copied or distributed: - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - -1.E.2. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is derived -from the public domain (does not contain a notice indicating that it is -posted with permission of the copyright holder), the work can be copied -and distributed to anyone in the United States without paying any fees -or charges. If you are redistributing or providing access to a work -with the phrase "Project Gutenberg" associated with or appearing on the -work, you must comply either with the requirements of paragraphs 1.E.1 -through 1.E.7 or obtain permission for the use of the work and the -Project Gutenberg-tm trademark as set forth in paragraphs 1.E.8 or -1.E.9. - -1.E.3. If an individual Project Gutenberg-tm electronic work is posted -with the permission of the copyright holder, your use and distribution -must comply with both paragraphs 1.E.1 through 1.E.7 and any additional -terms imposed by the copyright holder. Additional terms will be linked -to the Project Gutenberg-tm License for all works posted with the -permission of the copyright holder found at the beginning of this work. - -1.E.4. Do not unlink or detach or remove the full Project Gutenberg-tm -License terms from this work, or any files containing a part of this -work or any other work associated with Project Gutenberg-tm. - -1.E.5. Do not copy, display, perform, distribute or redistribute this -electronic work, or any part of this electronic work, without -prominently displaying the sentence set forth in paragraph 1.E.1 with -active links or immediate access to the full terms of the Project -Gutenberg-tm License. - -1.E.6. You may convert to and distribute this work in any binary, -compressed, marked up, nonproprietary or proprietary form, including any -word processing or hypertext form. However, if you provide access to or -distribute copies of a Project Gutenberg-tm work in a format other than -"Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other format used in the official version -posted on the official Project Gutenberg-tm web site (www.gutenberg.org), -you must, at no additional cost, fee or expense to the user, provide a -copy, a means of exporting a copy, or a means of obtaining a copy upon -request, of the work in its original "Plain Vanilla ASCII" or other -form. Any alternate format must include the full Project Gutenberg-tm -License as specified in paragraph 1.E.1. - -1.E.7. Do not charge a fee for access to, viewing, displaying, -performing, copying or distributing any Project Gutenberg-tm works -unless you comply with paragraph 1.E.8 or 1.E.9. - -1.E.8. You may charge a reasonable fee for copies of or providing -access to or distributing Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works provided -that - -- You pay a royalty fee of 20% of the gross profits you derive from - the use of Project Gutenberg-tm works calculated using the method - you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. The fee is - owed to the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark, but he - has agreed to donate royalties under this paragraph to the - Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation. Royalty payments - must be paid within 60 days following each date on which you - prepare (or are legally required to prepare) your periodic tax - returns. Royalty payments should be clearly marked as such and - sent to the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation at the - address specified in Section 4, "Information about donations to - the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation." - -- You provide a full refund of any money paid by a user who notifies - you in writing (or by e-mail) within 30 days of receipt that s/he - does not agree to the terms of the full Project Gutenberg-tm - License. You must require such a user to return or - destroy all copies of the works possessed in a physical medium - and discontinue all use of and all access to other copies of - Project Gutenberg-tm works. - -- You provide, in accordance with paragraph 1.F.3, a full refund of any - money paid for a work or a replacement copy, if a defect in the - electronic work is discovered and reported to you within 90 days - of receipt of the work. - -- You comply with all other terms of this agreement for free - distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm works. - -1.E.9. If you wish to charge a fee or distribute a Project Gutenberg-tm -electronic work or group of works on different terms than are set -forth in this agreement, you must obtain permission in writing from -both the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation and Michael -Hart, the owner of the Project Gutenberg-tm trademark. Contact the -Foundation as set forth in Section 3 below. - -1.F. - -1.F.1. Project Gutenberg volunteers and employees expend considerable -effort to identify, do copyright research on, transcribe and proofread -public domain works in creating the Project Gutenberg-tm -collection. Despite these efforts, Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works, and the medium on which they may be stored, may contain -"Defects," such as, but not limited to, incomplete, inaccurate or -corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual -property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other medium, a -computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by -your equipment. - -1.F.2. LIMITED WARRANTY, DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES - Except for the "Right -of Replacement or Refund" described in paragraph 1.F.3, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation, the owner of the Project -Gutenberg-tm trademark, and any other party distributing a Project -Gutenberg-tm electronic work under this agreement, disclaim all -liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal -fees. YOU AGREE THAT YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE, STRICT -LIABILITY, BREACH OF WARRANTY OR BREACH OF CONTRACT EXCEPT THOSE -PROVIDED IN PARAGRAPH 1.F.3. YOU AGREE THAT THE FOUNDATION, THE -TRADEMARK OWNER, AND ANY DISTRIBUTOR UNDER THIS AGREEMENT WILL NOT BE -LIABLE TO YOU FOR ACTUAL, DIRECT, INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR -INCIDENTAL DAMAGES EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH -DAMAGE. - -1.F.3. LIMITED RIGHT OF REPLACEMENT OR REFUND - If you discover a -defect in this electronic work within 90 days of receiving it, you can -receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending a -written explanation to the person you received the work from. If you -received the work on a physical medium, you must return the medium with -your written explanation. The person or entity that provided you with -the defective work may elect to provide a replacement copy in lieu of a -refund. If you received the work electronically, the person or entity -providing it to you may choose to give you a second opportunity to -receive the work electronically in lieu of a refund. If the second copy -is also defective, you may demand a refund in writing without further -opportunities to fix the problem. - -1.F.4. Except for the limited right of replacement or refund set forth -in paragraph 1.F.3, this work is provided to you 'AS-IS' WITH NO OTHER -WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO -WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR ANY PURPOSE. - -1.F.5. Some states do not allow disclaimers of certain implied -warranties or the exclusion or limitation of certain types of damages. -If any disclaimer or limitation set forth in this agreement violates the -law of the state applicable to this agreement, the agreement shall be -interpreted to make the maximum disclaimer or limitation permitted by -the applicable state law. The invalidity or unenforceability of any -provision of this agreement shall not void the remaining provisions. - -1.F.6. INDEMNITY - You agree to indemnify and hold the Foundation, the -trademark owner, any agent or employee of the Foundation, anyone -providing copies of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works in accordance -with this agreement, and any volunteers associated with the production, -promotion and distribution of Project Gutenberg-tm electronic works, -harmless from all liability, costs and expenses, including legal fees, -that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following which you do -or cause to occur: (a) distribution of this or any Project Gutenberg-tm -work, (b) alteration, modification, or additions or deletions to any -Project Gutenberg-tm work, and (c) any Defect you cause. - - -Section 2. Information about the Mission of Project Gutenberg-tm - -Project Gutenberg-tm is synonymous with the free distribution of -electronic works in formats readable by the widest variety of computers -including obsolete, old, middle-aged and new computers. It exists -because of the efforts of hundreds of volunteers and donations from -people in all walks of life. - -Volunteers and financial support to provide volunteers with the -assistance they need, are critical to reaching Project Gutenberg-tm's -goals and ensuring that the Project Gutenberg-tm collection will -remain freely available for generations to come. In 2001, the Project -Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation was created to provide a secure -and permanent future for Project Gutenberg-tm and future generations. -To learn more about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation -and how your efforts and donations can help, see Sections 3 and 4 -and the Foundation web page at http://www.pglaf.org. - - -Section 3. Information about the Project Gutenberg Literary Archive -Foundation - -The Project Gutenberg Literary Archive Foundation is a non profit -501(c)(3) educational corporation organized under the laws of the -state of Mississippi and granted tax exempt status by the Internal -Revenue Service. The Foundation's EIN or federal tax identification -number is 64-6221541. Its 501(c)(3) letter is posted at -http://pglaf.org/fundraising. Contributions to the Project Gutenberg -Literary Archive Foundation are tax deductible to the full extent -permitted by U.S. federal laws and your state's laws. - -The Foundation's principal office is located at 4557 Melan Dr. S. -Fairbanks, AK, 99712., but its volunteers and employees are scattered -throughout numerous locations. Its business office is located at -809 North 1500 West, Salt Lake City, UT 84116, (801) 596-1887, email -business@pglaf.org. Email contact links and up to date contact -information can be found at the Foundation's web site and official -page at http://pglaf.org - -For additional contact information: - Dr. Gregory B. Newby - Chief Executive and Director - gbnewby@pglaf.org - - -Section 4. Information about Donations to the Project Gutenberg -Literary Archive Foundation - -Project Gutenberg-tm depends upon and cannot survive without wide -spread public support and donations to carry out its mission of -increasing the number of public domain and licensed works that can be -freely distributed in machine readable form accessible by the widest -array of equipment including outdated equipment. Many small donations -($1 to $5,000) are particularly important to maintaining tax exempt -status with the IRS. - -The Foundation is committed to complying with the laws regulating -charities and charitable donations in all 50 states of the United -States. Compliance requirements are not uniform and it takes a -considerable effort, much paperwork and many fees to meet and keep up -with these requirements. We do not solicit donations in locations -where we have not received written confirmation of compliance. To -SEND DONATIONS or determine the status of compliance for any -particular state visit http://pglaf.org - -While we cannot and do not solicit contributions from states where we -have not met the solicitation requirements, we know of no prohibition -against accepting unsolicited donations from donors in such states who -approach us with offers to donate. - -International donations are gratefully accepted, but we cannot make -any statements concerning tax treatment of donations received from -outside the United States. U.S. laws alone swamp our small staff. - -Please check the Project Gutenberg Web pages for current donation -methods and addresses. Donations are accepted in a number of other -ways including checks, online payments and credit card donations. -To donate, please visit: http://pglaf.org/donate - - -Section 5. General Information About Project Gutenberg-tm electronic -works. - -Professor Michael S. Hart is the originator of the Project Gutenberg-tm -concept of a library of electronic works that could be freely shared -with anyone. For thirty years, he produced and distributed Project -Gutenberg-tm eBooks with only a loose network of volunteer support. - - -Project Gutenberg-tm eBooks are often created from several printed -editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the U.S. -unless a copyright notice is included. Thus, we do not necessarily -keep eBooks in compliance with any particular paper edition. - - -Most people start at our Web site which has the main PG search facility: - - http://www.gutenberg.org - -This Web site includes information about Project Gutenberg-tm, -including how to make donations to the Project Gutenberg Literary -Archive Foundation, how to help produce our new eBooks, and how to -subscribe to our email newsletter to hear about new eBooks. diff --git a/old/51361.zip b/old/51361.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index cf79aa0..0000000 --- a/old/51361.zip +++ /dev/null |
