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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..98625a9 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #51570 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/51570) diff --git a/old/51570-h.zip b/old/51570-h.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index 8e29bba..0000000 --- a/old/51570-h.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/51570-h/51570-h.htm b/old/51570-h/51570-h.htm deleted file mode 100644 index 7fd5cb4..0000000 --- a/old/51570-h/51570-h.htm +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1324 +0,0 @@ -<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" - "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> -<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> - <head> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=us-ascii" /> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> - <title> - The Project Gutenberg eBook of Cry Snooker, by Andrew Fetler. - </title> - <link rel="coverpage" href="images/cover.jpg" /> - - <style type="text/css"> - -body { - margin-left: 10%; - margin-right: 10%; -} - - h1,h2 { - text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ - clear: both; -} - -p { - margin-top: .51em; - text-align: justify; - margin-bottom: .49em; -} - -hr { - width: 33%; - margin-top: 2em; - margin-bottom: 2em; - margin-left: 33.5%; - margin-right: 33.5%; - clear: both; -} - -hr.chap {width: 65%; margin-left: 17.5%; margin-right: 17.5%;} -hr.tb {width: 45%; margin-left: 27.5%; margin-right: 27.5%;} - -.center {text-align: center;} - -.right {text-align: right;} - -.caption {font-weight: bold;} - -/* Images */ -.figcenter { - margin: auto; - text-align: center; -} - -div.titlepage { - text-align: center; - page-break-before: always; - page-break-after: always; -} - -div.titlepage p { - text-align: center; - text-indent: 0em; - font-weight: bold; - line-height: 1.5; - margin-top: 3em; -} - -.ph1, .ph2, .ph3, .ph4 { text-align: center; text-indent: 0em; font-weight: bold; } -.ph1 { font-size: xx-large; margin: .67em auto; } -.ph2 { font-size: x-large; margin: .75em auto; } -.ph3 { font-size: large; margin: .83em auto; } -.ph4 { font-size: medium; margin: 1.12em auto; } - -.blockquot { - margin-left: 5%; - margin-right: 10%; -} - - - </style> - </head> -<body> - - -<pre> - -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Cry Snooker, by Andrew Fetler - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: Cry Snooker - -Author: Andrew Fetler - -Release Date: March 26, 2016 [EBook #51570] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CRY SNOOKER *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - -</pre> - - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/cover.jpg" width="401" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="titlepage"> -<h1>Cry Snooker</h1> - -<p>By ANDREW FETLER</p> - -<p>Illustrated by DICK FRANCIS</p> - -<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br /> -Galaxy Magazine October 1960.<br /> -Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br /> -the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p> - -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="ph3"><i>What a wife! Pretty, smart ... and when<br /> -she cooked it was just out of this world!</i></p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>"Baby Doll," George called from the bathroom.</p> - -<p>There was no answer.</p> - -<p>George wrapped a towel around his rump and came into the living room. -Rosy sat curled up reading a magazine.</p> - -<p>"Do me a favor, Rosy," George said. "Put caps on bottles so your -perfume won't evaporate. I paid twelve bucks for that Chanel."</p> - -<p>Rosy looked up at him, stretching her neck a little.</p> - -<p>"And next time close the damn Bendix so I won't have to swim through -the basement to shut it off."</p> - -<p>"I told you, the catch wouldn't catch."</p> - -<p>"The catch would catch all right if you didn't leave Timmy's diaper -hanging out."</p> - -<p>"That's not fair," Rosy said. "Blaming little Timmy."</p> - -<p>His hands tried to crush an invisible bowling ball. "Just a little ... -presence of mind, Rosy. Okay?"</p> - -<p>"You dropped your towel," Rosy said, looking away.</p> - -<p>George ran into the bedroom and came back in his pajamas. "For God's -sake, honey, <i>try</i> to remember what you're doing when you're doing it. -Like with the power mower."</p> - -<p>"I suppose <i>that</i> was my fault?"</p> - -<p>"Don't you know enough to cut the engine when you're done?"</p> - -<p>"I <i>wasn't</i> done. I had to answer the phone, didn't I?"</p> - -<p>George threw up his hands. "So all right. So you left it running and it -went right through Charlie's fence."</p> - -<p>"Sometimes," Rosy said, putting down the magazine, "you exasperate me, -George. I <i>told</i> you, I put it in neutral or whatever it is."</p> - -<p>"You put it in high and let it run through Charlie's fence."</p> - -<p>Rosy looked at him as at a bad tomato. "Why," she said, "do I get -blamed every time something mechanical goes wrong?"</p> - -<p>But they kissed and made up because it was the night before their third -wedding anniversary.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>At the breakfast table next morning George gave her the diamond -cocktail ring she'd drooled over. Rosy gave him the self-winding time -piece he'd slobbered over in Cellini's window. Dear girl, had the -courage to get it for nothing down and thirty-six months to pay.</p> - -<p>"Don't gulp your food," Rosy said. "It's Charlie's turn to drive you."</p> - -<p>In his high chair, Timmy scooped up handfuls of oatmeal and heaved them -over the port side.</p> - -<p>When Charlie came to the door he had a gift-wrapped box for them. It -looked heavy. He gave it to Rosy and slipped on one of Timmy's oatmeal -bombs and flew headlong into the couch.</p> - -<p>"Happy wedding anniversary, you two," Charlie said, picking himself up. -"When are you going to fix my fence?"</p> - -<p>Rosy weighed the box in her arms. "Charlie, that's real sweet of you -and Beth. Let's open it now, George."</p> - -<p>"We're late," Charlie said. He wiped his shoe on the rug. "Come on, -pal."</p> - -<p>They took the freeway out of Sunnydale. Downtown the clock on the -Trojan Life & Casualty building gave them four minutes to get there.</p> - -<p>"What was in that box you brought?" George asked.</p> - -<p>"A pressure cooker."</p> - -<p>"Oh, no."</p> - -<p>"Supposed to build up terrific pressure," Charlie said. "Five thousand -pounds per square inch."</p> - -<p>George stared before him as they drove into the Park-O-Port.</p> - -<p>He had not a moment free till his coffee break at ten. Mr. Perkins -wanted the Lawndale policies cleared right away and Mr. Zungenspiel -had all the juniors in for a briefing on exorbitant rates. When he got -back to his desk Maude Doody waited to interview him about his wedding -anniversary for her "Sweetness and Light" column in <i>Keep Smiling</i>, the -company weekly.</p> - -<p>"I hope you're always polite to Rosy," Meddlin' Maude said. "I can't -stand rude men. How old is Timmy now?"</p> - -<p>"He'll be three in September."</p> - -<p>Maude made a quick mental calculation. She looked doubtful. "And could -you tell us what you gave Rosy for her wedding anniversary?"</p> - -<p>"A pressure cooker," George said, forgetting everything else.</p> - -<p>"Is that all? What kind of pressure cooker, George?"</p> - -<p>"Five thousand pounds per square inch."</p> - -<p>"I mean the <i>brand</i>," Maude said, stabbing the air with her sharp -pencil. "Don't you think the folks would like to know the brand?"</p> - -<p>"Uh, I guess the best."</p> - -<p>"They're all best," Maude said. "Can't you remember the brand?"</p> - -<p>"No," he said.</p> - -<p>Meddlin' Maude rose to her feet. She looked down at him severely. -"George, you're slipping," she said and marched off to the <i>Keep -Smiling</i> office.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>George grabbed the telephone. Five thousand pounds per square inch, he -thought. Whammo!</p> - -<p>The phone rang seven times. Then he dialed Charlie's house, but Beth -did not answer either. Rosy and Beth spent hours at the supermart. It -was the social center of Sunnydale where the gals could gossip a little -and compare brands.</p> - -<p>George took the elevator up to the company cafeteria. On the fifth -floor Mr. Perkins stepped in.</p> - -<p>"Just got your Lawndale policies," Mr. Perkins said. "Fast work, son. -Keep it up."</p> - -<p>"Thank you, sir. I had an inquiry this morning, sir. About domestic -accidents."</p> - -<p>"Shoot the problem, son."</p> - -<p>"Does it cover injury by pressure cooker?"</p> - -<p>"Was it Full Coverage or Complete Coverage?"</p> - -<p>"Complete, sir."</p> - -<p>"Covers everything from electrocution in the bath tub to getting hit by -a stray rocket from Cape Canaveral."</p> - -<p>The elevator let them out at the cafeteria. "Mr. Perkins, I'd like to -double my wife's policy."</p> - -<p>"Mighty sensible of you, George. Can you afford it?"</p> - -<p>"No, sir."</p> - -<p>"That's the spirit! How about your own policy, George? Isn't it about -time you went up a notch?"</p> - -<p>"You mean it, sir?"</p> - -<p>"I've been keeping my eye on you," Mr. Perkins said. "I'll see what I -can do."</p> - -<p>George thanked him profusely.</p> - -<p>"Not at all, not at all," Mr. Perkins boomed. "That's what old dad -Perkins is here for."</p> - -<p>George got his coffee and joined Charlie at their corner table.</p> - -<p>"Getting chummy with old dad Perkins?" Charlie asked.</p> - -<p>"I just got told," George said, leaning forward, "I could increase my -insurance."</p> - -<p>"No!"</p> - -<p>"Said it was time I moved up a notch."</p> - -<p>Charlie clenched his fist. "We <i>can</i> make the Country Club, I tell -you. I'm almost twelve thousand in the red, not counting the house and -the boat. Let's celebrate, Georgie. All four of us. We can go to the -Emperor Room for sixty bucks. That is, if you're still talking to your -humble friends."</p> - -<p>"Come off it."</p> - -<p>"I've seen it happen," Charlie said bitterly. "People getting so deep -in debt they start snubbing their more solvent friends."</p> - -<p>When Arlene dropped the noon mail on George's desk he sat dreaming. -More insurance, more credit; more credit, more debt; more debts, more -prestige. He sat up with a start and dialed Rosy.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>This time she answered and all was fine. She'd spent the morning in the -supermart filling out contest entry blanks and buying a big roast for -the pressure cooker.</p> - -<p>"Oh, George, it's a wonderful pressure cooker. It looks like a space -ship, with bolts and portholes and all."</p> - -<p>"I don't want you to—"</p> - -<p>"And it's got a remote control panel or something, with all kinds of -buttons and blinkers. Timmy just loves it!"</p> - -<p>"Is Timmy anywhere near it?"</p> - -<p>"He's <i>in</i> it. It's a big one."</p> - -<p>Arlene came by his desk. "Where's Charlie?" she asked. "I got a -telegram for him."</p> - -<p>George waved her away and brought the receiver close to his mouth.</p> - -<p>"Rosy, listen," George hissed. "Put that damn thing away till I get -home. We're going to the Emperor Room with Beth and Charlie."</p> - -<p>There was a short silence. "You said you wanted a home-cooked meal," -Rosy said. "To remind you how married you are."</p> - -<p>George looked up at Maude Doody standing at his desk. "That sounds -like a personal call," Meddlin' Maude said.</p> - -<p>"It's my wife."</p> - -<p>"You've been on that phone three minutes," Meddlin' Maude said, -glancing at her watch. "You know company policy on personal calls, -George."</p> - -<p>"I'm a homemaker," Rosy was saying. "I <i>want</i> to make dinner for you -and Timmy."</p> - -<p>"Oh, go to hell!" George said.</p> - -<p>Meddlin' Maude clutched at her heart.</p> - -<p>Rosy gasped.</p> - -<p>Five minutes later:</p> - -<p>"Of course I love you, baby doll," George said weakly. In a semi-circle -around him stood Meddlin' Maude, Mr. Zungenspiel, Mr. Perkins, Arlene, -and an assortment of lesser office authorities. "Just don't touch that -pressure cooker till I get home, dammit. It's dangerous."</p> - -<p>"I can only do my best, George," Rosy said with hard finality. "If -that's not good enough for you, darling"—she choked on a sob—"well, -I'm <i>sorry</i>."</p> - -<p>The phone clicked and the wire went dead.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>A dozen faces bent over him. "George," Meddlin' Maude said, raising her -sharp pencil.</p> - -<p>"Just a minute, Miss Doody," said Mr. Zungenspiel. "Young man, would -you step into my office when you have a <i>free</i> moment?"</p> - -<p>"If you see Charlie before they fire you," Arlene said, "tell him I -left a telegram on his desk."</p> - -<p>"George," Miss Doody shrilled, her sharp pencil raised, "did you or did -you not tell <i>me</i> to go to hell?"</p> - -<p>Charlie crashed through the crowd, waving a telegram. "Look at this, -George!"</p> - -<p>George read the telegram:</p> - -<div class="blockquot"><p>OWING TO ILLITERATE SHIPPING CLERK IN WESTERN ELECTRONICS SHIPPING -DEPT YOUR MAIL ORDER FOR PRESSURE COOKER MODEL G-19-78256D WAS FILLED -BY TOP SECRET GOVT CONTRACTED PRESSURE SNOOKER MODEL X-13 WITH TOUCH -COMMAND CONTROL PANEL REGRET SHIPPED TO YOU FULLY ASSEMBLED HIGHLY -DANGEROUS TO LIFE LIMB PROPERTY & PASSING AIRCRAFT NOT SUITABLE FOR -COOKING HEREWITH ADVISE WESTERN ELECTRONICS CORP NOT LIABLE FOR ANY -DAMAGE TO LIFE LIMB PROPERTY & PASSING AIRCRAFT AFTER REGISTERED -RECEIPT OF THIS TELEGRAM WESTERN SNOOKER X-13 DISMANTLING EXPERT ON -WAY BY JET SUGGEST KEEP SNOOKER IN NICE COOL PLACE SORRY INCONVENIENCE -CORRECTED ORDER FOR YOUR PRESSURE COOKER BEING FILLED BY NEW SHIPPING -CLERK WITH COLLEGE DEGREE HOPE SERVE YOU AGAIN T C FRUMP V-P IN CHARGE -OF SNAFU</p></div> - -<p>George dropped the telegram.</p> - -<p>"What are you waiting for, man?" Charlie said. "Call Rosy, will ya?"</p> - -<p>"She won't answer," George said. "She thinks I don't love her."</p> - -<p>"Come on! We better get home before she starts making dinner."</p> - -<p>They ran down to the Park-O-Port.</p> - -<p>"Ahm sorry, Mistuh Charlie," the snappy attendant said. "Caint git yuh -cah now. It's on de top floh behind seven lines of cahs an <i>dey</i> aint -comin out till five like every weekday sept Satterdays, Sunneys an -holidays."</p> - -<p>"Give him a tip and let's get a taxi," George said. He ran into the -street just in time to flag a cab.</p> - -<p>George tossed the cabbie ten dollars. "Step on it. It may be a matter -of life and death."</p> - -<p>"I could have called Beth," Charlie said.</p> - -<p>"We'll get there almost as fast."</p> - -<p>They zoomed through the underpass and turned onto the freeway. A cycle -cop emerged from behind a Schlitz billboard and took after them, his -siren wailing.</p> - -<p>"Never mind the cop," George said.</p> - -<p>The cabbie hunched forward and gripped the wheel. "Mister," he said, -"I've been waiting for a chance like this."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The cop gained on them and as he came abreast George grew confused. He -saw the cop's big sun glasses shining like the eyes of a wasp and his -hat snapping in the wind. George had never broken the law in his life. -He had a deep respect for the police, preservers of law and order.</p> - -<p>The cop motioned the cabbie to pull over. The cab zoomed over a crest -on the freeway and ripped down the slope with marked increase in speed.</p> - -<p>George rolled down the window and flapped his arms. "My wife!" he -yelled.</p> - -<p>The cop cut the siren. His hand went down to his holster.</p> - -<p>"My wife!" George yelled. "Pressure cooker."</p> - -<p>The cop grinned and nodded to say he understood, and roaring ahead -waved them to follow. The siren started up again.</p> - -<p>They lost him when they turned off the freeway and raced past the -supermarket to their street. Sunnydale looked peaceful in the -afternoon. George's house came in view. He heaved a sigh of relief as -the cabbie pulled to a stop.</p> - -<p>"Rosy!" he yelled, dashing up the walk.</p> - -<p>He flung open the door and stopped. The house was silent except for -Rosy's voice in the kitchen. She was counting backwards:</p> - -<p>"Five ... four ... three...."</p> - -<p>"Rosy!"</p> - -<p>"One ... zero."</p> - -<p>A steaming hiss sounded in the kitchen. In a moment it rose to a -howling pitch. There was a tremendous crash and a tremor shook the -plaster from the walls.</p> - -<p>In the settling dust Timmy crawled out of the kitchen with a pot on his -head.</p> - -<p>In the kitchen Rosy sat on the floor, clutching the instruction booklet.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus1.jpg" width="357" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>"Now see what you did, George!"</p> - -<p>"What <i>I</i> did?"</p> - -<p>"Barging in like that," Rosy said, tears of frustration streaking her -dusty cheeks. "I must have pressed the wrong button."</p> - -<p>Beside her on the floor lay the Touch Command Control Panel. Its -colored lights blinked on and off like a pinball machine.</p> - -<p>Charlie came into the kitchen with Timmy in his arms.</p> - -<p>"Oh my gosh!" Rosy cried, looking up at the ceiling. A hole was ripped -out in the roof and through it they could see God's blue sky.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>George grabbed the control panel and they ran outside. They saw the -snooker describing a lovely ellipse over Sunnydale.</p> - -<p>"My roast!" Rosy wailed.</p> - -<p>"It seems to be waiting for orders," Charlie said.</p> - -<p>"Have to get it down," George said, setting the control panel on the -lawn. "Before it slams into some airplane."</p> - -<p>He pressed a large red button. The snooker wobbled for a moment, then -broke its orbit and dove for Charlie's house. It smashed in at the back -and came out the front. Beth ran out in a bathrobe, screaming.</p> - -<p>"Stop it!" Charlie yelled, flinging himself at the control panel and -pressing a yellow button.</p> - -<p>The snooker resumed its orbit, then wobbled and dove into every second -or third house in the street, working the houses from side to side.</p> - -<p>Women ran out and stood dazed, clutching their children and watching -the snooker.</p> - -<p>Desperately George pressed the blue button. The snooker resumed its -orbit, wobbled, flew once over the street as if to check what all -needed to be hit, then slammed through the whole length of houses from -end to end.</p> - -<p>Two houses caught fire. Charlie pressed the largest button of all, -the green one. The snooker righted itself and flew out over the town. -Wherever it struck a small cloud of dust rose in the air.</p> - -<p>Four fire-engines turned into the street. Three of them turned around -and raced back to downtown.</p> - -<p>They lost sight of the snooker for a while. All they saw was the clouds -of dust mushrooming all over town, and here and there a fire. When the -snooker came in view again, it was rising toward a jet plane circling -overhead.</p> - -<p>"It'll get hit!" Charlie said.</p> - -<p>George pressed all four buttons.</p> - -<p>The snooker wobbled for a moment. Then it seemed to shake off the -confused commands and rose into the plane's path. The plane veered. The -snooker turned after it and rose steeply. Then it dove and slammed down -through the fuselage.</p> - -<p>They all stared as the plane crashed into the supermarket. Above them -the pilot floated down in a parachute. He seemed to see the blinking -lights of the control panel and worked the chute calmly. He landed -through the hole in Rosy's kitchen. He came out of the house eating a -piece of cold chicken.</p> - -<p>He wore an air-research uniform with a belt slanted across his chest -and high shiny boots, and in his hand he carried a Rommel whip.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>He strode up to George and looked down at the blinking control panel. -With the toe of his boot he pushed a black button in the lower left -corner and squinted up at the sky, chewing the chicken. The snooker -obeyed instantly and resumed its original elliptical orbit.</p> - -<p>"<i>Ja</i>," he said. "Very goot." He gazed out over the town, the clouds of -dust and the fires burning. "Excellent," he said, tossing the chicken -bone over his back. It hit Charlie in the face.</p> - -<p>"You must be the dismantling expert," George said hopefully.</p> - -<p>"I am more. I am the infentor of pressure snooker." He noticed Rosy -and Beth. "Ladies," he said, clicking his heels and bowing. "I haf the -honor to present myself. Vernher von Wissenschaft, at your serfice."</p> - -<p>"Likewise," Rosy said. "Could you get my pressure cooker down before it -does any more damage?"</p> - -<p>"Ha ha!" Vernher von Wissenschaft laughed. "Very goot! Pressure -<i>cooker</i>! Hm, goot way to deceive brutal enemy. Export five hoondred -tausend pressure cookers to enemy homes. <i>Ja</i>, I like it."</p> - -<p>"You don't understand," Rosy said. "My roast will be ruined if you -don't get it down pretty soon."</p> - -<p>"You cook rosht in my infention?"</p> - -<p>"Biggest roast you ever saw," Rosy said. She hugged George. "You see, -this is our wedding anniversary and I'm dying to know how it came out."</p> - -<p>"Rosht?" he mused, following the snooker with his eyes and licking his -fingers thoughtfully. "Why not? Maybe I make deal on side with Amerikan -Kitchen Appliance Inkorporated. If rosht comes out goot." He looked -at the broken houses and the firemen spraying the fires. "<i>Ja</i>," he -decided, "kill two experiments mit one snooker."</p> - -<p>He waited for the snooker to pass overhead. Then he gave the control -panel a sharp kick with his heel, breaking it in two. The snooker -wobbled and exploded. Bits of steel whirred out over Sunnydale. A brown -cloud appeared above them and in a moment they were all drenched in a -rainfall of roast beef.</p> - -<p>By the time the gravy hit them it had cooled enough to taste.</p> - -<p>"It's wonderful!" Rosy said.</p> - -<p>"Chust a minute," Vernher von Wissenschaft said. "Scientific experiment -not so fast." He removed a shred of roast beef from behind his ear and -chewed.</p> - -<p>"Isn't it good?" Rosy asked anxiously.</p> - -<p>Vernher von Wissenschaft finished tasting. He thought a moment, -stretched his face. "Excellent," he said.</p> - -<p>"Do you <i>really</i> like it?"</p> - -<p>"Ja, excellent." He held up a finger. "Perhaps," he suggested, "two -more grains pepper."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Two weeks later, when all the fires in the town had been put out and -the damage assessed, a great banquet was held in the Emperor Room to -honor George. In the street a huge crowd of well-wishers waited to -greet him as he came out. The Emperor Room could accommodate only the -town's important personages; there were so many of them that some of -the best families did not bribe the mayor in time to get a seat.</p> - -<p>But George managed to get standing room for Mr. Perkins and Mr. -Zungenspiel.</p> - -<p>Beside George at the table of honor sat Charlie. Next to him Vernher -von Wissenschaft in a splendid uniform, cracking his Rommel whip -from time to time. Everybody who was anybody was there: the Police -Commissioner, the Gambling Czar, the District Attorney, the Teamsters' -Boss, Senator Smiley, Coroner Schadenfrohm, the Election Commissioner, -the Slum Owner, the Housing Inspector.</p> - -<p>"Never before," the mayor orated, "has so much damage been done by such -a little man in such a short time."</p> - -<p>Vernher cracked his whip. "Very goot," he said, turning to George. -"Rhetoric, you know."</p> - -<p>"The national economy," the mayor continued, "was in danger of -imminent collapse ever since our old-fashioned P.O.—planned -obsolescence—reached a point of no return. We had to produce more and -more until the market was glutted. Of course we would not sell so much -as a toaster to our brutal enemy." (Applause.)</p> - -<p>Vernher cracked his whip. "Very goot."</p> - -<p>"But now," the mayor said, smiling at George, "the solution to our -economic impasse has been found! This young man had the daring -vision to contribute a brilliant new concept to our economics. S. -D.—Senseless Destruction!" (Applause.)</p> - -<p>Vernher cracked his whip. "Excellent."</p> - -<p>The mayor raised his arms for silence. "I have good news," he said. -"Congress has just voted one billion dollars for Senseless Destruction -research!" (Wild applause.)</p> - -<p>Vernher cracked his whip six times.</p> - -<p>"I can promise you, ladies and gentlemen," the mayor continued, -"what happened to our town is only the beginning. As a result of the -visionary experiment by this daring young man, fifty thousand idle -construction workers have already been put back on the job; twenty new -banks have sprung up to handle the flood of mortgages; a new steel -mill will be erected in our world-famous game preserve. But I need not -go on. The industries, businesses and stock markets that will profit -by Senseless Destruction can hardly be numbered. The biggest boom in -history is on! And as long as we have the snooker it will never end!" -(General pandemonium.)</p> - -<p>When order was restored, the mayor turned solemnly to George and said: -"In grateful recognition of your...."</p> - -<p>After the recognition speech George accepted humbly the following sums, -not listing gifts under $10,000:</p> - -<p>$10,000 from Home Builders Assn.</p> - -<p>$12,500 from Construction Union, Local 256.</p> - -<p>$15,000 from Last Bank of America.</p> - -<p>$11,276.88 from Unified Steel Corp.</p> - -<p>$20,00 from Chicago Furniture Mart.</p> - -<p>$10,000 from Congress in Series E Bonds.</p> - -<p>George also received the following appointments:</p> - -<p>Special Adviser to Mayor on Senseless Destruction, with nominal yearly -income of $75,000 tax free.</p> - -<p>Vice-President of Trojan Life & Casualty Co.</p> - -<p>Chairman of the Board of Trustees, Sunnydale Game and Wood Preserve.</p> - -<p>Honorary Supreme Commander of Juvenile Senseless Destructionists, to be -organized.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>A year later George sat wearily in the control room of his chateau on -Indian Rock overlooking the town. Snookers buzzed over rooftops like -flies. Clouds of dust rose prosperously everywhere. In the streets -construction gangs raced in speed trucks.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus2.jpg" width="563" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>George had begun to wonder how it would all end.</p> - -<p>After the novelty had worn off, Senseless Destruction became more -monotonous, more depressing than the Installment Way of Life before -it. People worked harder than ever now and had less to show for it. Of -course, it was unpatriotic to have anything to show for it. Nobody in -his right senses would argue against Round-the-Clock Employment for -All. And if you didn't go around grinning and saying how happy you were -with your seventh mortgage, people began to suspect you.</p> - -<p>George had talked it all over with Rosy and she agreed. Sure, it was -all right for <i>them</i>—for the time being. But George had begun to -despise himself.</p> - -<p>He had to keep sharp control over the snookers. Some of them showed a -tendency to sneak off course, looking for some nice fresh target—like -the chateau, maybe.</p> - -<p>The butler came in and presented a calling card on a silver platter.</p> - -<p>"Vernher! Show him in at once."</p> - -<p>Vernher von Wissenschaft marched in, cracking his Rommel whip. He -looked worried.</p> - -<p>"Bad news," Vernher said, shaking hands. "Chust come from the -President."</p> - -<p>"How <i>is</i> Charlie?"</p> - -<p>"Goot. But too much work. And trouble. These snookers." Vernher strode -to the window and looked out over the town.</p> - -<p>"They're doing a fine job," George assured him.</p> - -<p>Vernher turned. A grim smile slashed his face. "Too goot. Russian -economy caught up with ours. They vant snookers too. Must have snookers -or they go kaput."</p> - -<p>"What's so bad about that? Let them go kaput. Cold war will be over at -least."</p> - -<p>Vernher shook his head. "They threaten atomic war if they don't get -snookers. This time for real."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>George gave a low whistle.</p> - -<p>"<i>Ja</i>," Vernher sighed. "Charlie had secret cabinet meeting. We cannot -take chance. You must go teach them how."</p> - -<p>"Can't you go?"</p> - -<p>"I'm leaving for Johannesburg tonight. United Africa also caught up."</p> - -<p>"As it is our economy barely keeps ahead of the Russians!"</p> - -<p>"<i>Ja.</i> But cannot be helped."</p> - -<p>"Maybe," George said, "if you invented something bigger, better, more -efficient."</p> - -<p>"You think I haf not tried?"</p> - -<p>George stood thinking a long moment. He said, "Vernher, is there no way -out?"</p> - -<p>"Sure," Vernher laughed. "If we go back to savage pre-civilization."</p> - -<p>"All right," George said. "I'll go tell Rosy. Watch the control panel a -moment, will you? Especially the Eastern Section."</p> - -<p>"What's the matter with them?"</p> - -<p>"They seem to be getting restless lately."</p> - -<p>"Nonsense! My snookers haf no emotions."</p> - -<p>"Just seems that way sometimes," George said, going out. Their job -could even make stones feel something, he thought.</p> - -<p>He ran down to Rosy in the kitchen. She had consented to having -servants only because of her social position, but she still insisted on -personally running the kitchen her own way.</p> - -<p>George pulled her into the hallway and put his arms around her and -kissed her.</p> - -<p>"What on earth?" she said.</p> - -<p>"You must be very brave, darling." He fixed her with his eyes. "Rosy, -this is <i>it</i>."</p> - -<p>"It?"</p> - -<p>"E-Day."</p> - -<p>E for Escape.</p> - -<p>"We can't talk now," he said. "Vernher is at the controls."</p> - -<p>"Can I change?"</p> - -<p>"No time. Are the suitcases packed?"</p> - -<p>"They're in the garage, behind the beer barrels."</p> - -<p>"Go get Timmy," George said. "I'll drive the station wagon round to the -back door."</p> - -<p>At the gate to the grounds they stopped and took a last look at the -chateau. They could see Vernher standing in the control window. He -seemed to be enjoying the spectacle in the town below.</p> - -<p>Rosy gripped George's arm. "Look!"</p> - -<p>A snooker had strayed off its orbit and was hissing in toward the -chateau. It came fast over the grounds, heading straight for the -control window.</p> - -<p>Vernher never saw it coming. Probably he did not even hear the glass -crashing as the sharp slivers shot into the room.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>By the end of May George was still chopping a small clearing in the -Montana woods. George and Charlie's old campsite. It was harder work -than he'd expected. But it was a good site and the tent would be -replaced by a heavy log cabin before winter set in. Sometimes they'd -climb one of the peaks on the Flathead Range and sit gazing at Hungry -Horse Reservoir in the distance.</p> - -<p>The trees were stubborn here, blunting the ax. But they'd make it all -right. George sat down to rest.</p> - -<p>Rosy waved to him from the potato patch. A strand of smoke rose -peacefully from the stone oven. He waved back and grinned.</p> - -<p>Timmy worked his way up bravely to where George sat. He'd gotten used -to his bark shoes and had quite forgotten that he had ever worn any -other kind.</p> - -<p>"Can I help you, Daddy?"</p> - -<p>Education too, George thought. The <i>real</i> kind. "No, thanks, son," he -said. "You'd better help your mother plant the potatoes."</p> - -<p>That evening at supper, as they sat enjoying sundown and the quiet of -woods and mountains, they heard a motor far away. The wind took it away -and then it sounded much nearer, grinding in low gear. George stood up -as a jeep came round the mountain. In it sat a man and a woman.</p> - -<p>The jeep came into the clearing, swaying over stones and roots.</p> - -<p>"Charlie!"</p> - -<p>"Hi," Charlie said. He helped Beth down.</p> - -<p>George yanked Timmy to his feet. "Stand up, son. This is the President -of the United States."</p> - -<p>"I got a present for you, George," Charlie said.</p> - -<p>"Not another pressure cooker!" Rosy said.</p> - -<p>"A peace pipe," Charlie said.</p> - -<p>Timmy's big round eyes took him in. "Are <i>you</i> the President?" he asked -in a small, awed voice.</p> - -<p>"Not any more," Charlie said.</p> - -<p>George stared at him. "You didn't give up the White House?"</p> - -<p>"What else could I do?" Charlie said. "I gave it back to the Indians."</p> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Cry Snooker, by Andrew Fetler - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CRY SNOOKER *** - -***** This file should be named 51570-h.htm or 51570-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/1/5/7/51570/ - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: Cry Snooker - -Author: Andrew Fetler - -Release Date: March 26, 2016 [EBook #51570] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CRY SNOOKER *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - - - - - Cry Snooker - - By ANDREW FETLER - - Illustrated by DICK FRANCIS - - [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from - Galaxy Magazine October 1960. - Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that - the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] - - - - - What a wife! Pretty, smart ... and when - she cooked it was just out of this world! - - -"Baby Doll," George called from the bathroom. - -There was no answer. - -George wrapped a towel around his rump and came into the living room. -Rosy sat curled up reading a magazine. - -"Do me a favor, Rosy," George said. "Put caps on bottles so your -perfume won't evaporate. I paid twelve bucks for that Chanel." - -Rosy looked up at him, stretching her neck a little. - -"And next time close the damn Bendix so I won't have to swim through -the basement to shut it off." - -"I told you, the catch wouldn't catch." - -"The catch would catch all right if you didn't leave Timmy's diaper -hanging out." - -"That's not fair," Rosy said. "Blaming little Timmy." - -His hands tried to crush an invisible bowling ball. "Just a little ... -presence of mind, Rosy. Okay?" - -"You dropped your towel," Rosy said, looking away. - -George ran into the bedroom and came back in his pajamas. "For God's -sake, honey, _try_ to remember what you're doing when you're doing it. -Like with the power mower." - -"I suppose _that_ was my fault?" - -"Don't you know enough to cut the engine when you're done?" - -"I _wasn't_ done. I had to answer the phone, didn't I?" - -George threw up his hands. "So all right. So you left it running and it -went right through Charlie's fence." - -"Sometimes," Rosy said, putting down the magazine, "you exasperate me, -George. I _told_ you, I put it in neutral or whatever it is." - -"You put it in high and let it run through Charlie's fence." - -Rosy looked at him as at a bad tomato. "Why," she said, "do I get -blamed every time something mechanical goes wrong?" - -But they kissed and made up because it was the night before their third -wedding anniversary. - - * * * * * - -At the breakfast table next morning George gave her the diamond -cocktail ring she'd drooled over. Rosy gave him the self-winding time -piece he'd slobbered over in Cellini's window. Dear girl, had the -courage to get it for nothing down and thirty-six months to pay. - -"Don't gulp your food," Rosy said. "It's Charlie's turn to drive you." - -In his high chair, Timmy scooped up handfuls of oatmeal and heaved them -over the port side. - -When Charlie came to the door he had a gift-wrapped box for them. It -looked heavy. He gave it to Rosy and slipped on one of Timmy's oatmeal -bombs and flew headlong into the couch. - -"Happy wedding anniversary, you two," Charlie said, picking himself up. -"When are you going to fix my fence?" - -Rosy weighed the box in her arms. "Charlie, that's real sweet of you -and Beth. Let's open it now, George." - -"We're late," Charlie said. He wiped his shoe on the rug. "Come on, -pal." - -They took the freeway out of Sunnydale. Downtown the clock on the -Trojan Life & Casualty building gave them four minutes to get there. - -"What was in that box you brought?" George asked. - -"A pressure cooker." - -"Oh, no." - -"Supposed to build up terrific pressure," Charlie said. "Five thousand -pounds per square inch." - -George stared before him as they drove into the Park-O-Port. - -He had not a moment free till his coffee break at ten. Mr. Perkins -wanted the Lawndale policies cleared right away and Mr. Zungenspiel -had all the juniors in for a briefing on exorbitant rates. When he got -back to his desk Maude Doody waited to interview him about his wedding -anniversary for her "Sweetness and Light" column in _Keep Smiling_, the -company weekly. - -"I hope you're always polite to Rosy," Meddlin' Maude said. "I can't -stand rude men. How old is Timmy now?" - -"He'll be three in September." - -Maude made a quick mental calculation. She looked doubtful. "And could -you tell us what you gave Rosy for her wedding anniversary?" - -"A pressure cooker," George said, forgetting everything else. - -"Is that all? What kind of pressure cooker, George?" - -"Five thousand pounds per square inch." - -"I mean the _brand_," Maude said, stabbing the air with her sharp -pencil. "Don't you think the folks would like to know the brand?" - -"Uh, I guess the best." - -"They're all best," Maude said. "Can't you remember the brand?" - -"No," he said. - -Meddlin' Maude rose to her feet. She looked down at him severely. -"George, you're slipping," she said and marched off to the _Keep -Smiling_ office. - - * * * * * - -George grabbed the telephone. Five thousand pounds per square inch, he -thought. Whammo! - -The phone rang seven times. Then he dialed Charlie's house, but Beth -did not answer either. Rosy and Beth spent hours at the supermart. It -was the social center of Sunnydale where the gals could gossip a little -and compare brands. - -George took the elevator up to the company cafeteria. On the fifth -floor Mr. Perkins stepped in. - -"Just got your Lawndale policies," Mr. Perkins said. "Fast work, son. -Keep it up." - -"Thank you, sir. I had an inquiry this morning, sir. About domestic -accidents." - -"Shoot the problem, son." - -"Does it cover injury by pressure cooker?" - -"Was it Full Coverage or Complete Coverage?" - -"Complete, sir." - -"Covers everything from electrocution in the bath tub to getting hit by -a stray rocket from Cape Canaveral." - -The elevator let them out at the cafeteria. "Mr. Perkins, I'd like to -double my wife's policy." - -"Mighty sensible of you, George. Can you afford it?" - -"No, sir." - -"That's the spirit! How about your own policy, George? Isn't it about -time you went up a notch?" - -"You mean it, sir?" - -"I've been keeping my eye on you," Mr. Perkins said. "I'll see what I -can do." - -George thanked him profusely. - -"Not at all, not at all," Mr. Perkins boomed. "That's what old dad -Perkins is here for." - -George got his coffee and joined Charlie at their corner table. - -"Getting chummy with old dad Perkins?" Charlie asked. - -"I just got told," George said, leaning forward, "I could increase my -insurance." - -"No!" - -"Said it was time I moved up a notch." - -Charlie clenched his fist. "We _can_ make the Country Club, I tell -you. I'm almost twelve thousand in the red, not counting the house and -the boat. Let's celebrate, Georgie. All four of us. We can go to the -Emperor Room for sixty bucks. That is, if you're still talking to your -humble friends." - -"Come off it." - -"I've seen it happen," Charlie said bitterly. "People getting so deep -in debt they start snubbing their more solvent friends." - -When Arlene dropped the noon mail on George's desk he sat dreaming. -More insurance, more credit; more credit, more debt; more debts, more -prestige. He sat up with a start and dialed Rosy. - - * * * * * - -This time she answered and all was fine. She'd spent the morning in the -supermart filling out contest entry blanks and buying a big roast for -the pressure cooker. - -"Oh, George, it's a wonderful pressure cooker. It looks like a space -ship, with bolts and portholes and all." - -"I don't want you to--" - -"And it's got a remote control panel or something, with all kinds of -buttons and blinkers. Timmy just loves it!" - -"Is Timmy anywhere near it?" - -"He's _in_ it. It's a big one." - -Arlene came by his desk. "Where's Charlie?" she asked. "I got a -telegram for him." - -George waved her away and brought the receiver close to his mouth. - -"Rosy, listen," George hissed. "Put that damn thing away till I get -home. We're going to the Emperor Room with Beth and Charlie." - -There was a short silence. "You said you wanted a home-cooked meal," -Rosy said. "To remind you how married you are." - -George looked up at Maude Doody standing at his desk. "That sounds -like a personal call," Meddlin' Maude said. - -"It's my wife." - -"You've been on that phone three minutes," Meddlin' Maude said, -glancing at her watch. "You know company policy on personal calls, -George." - -"I'm a homemaker," Rosy was saying. "I _want_ to make dinner for you -and Timmy." - -"Oh, go to hell!" George said. - -Meddlin' Maude clutched at her heart. - -Rosy gasped. - -Five minutes later: - -"Of course I love you, baby doll," George said weakly. In a semi-circle -around him stood Meddlin' Maude, Mr. Zungenspiel, Mr. Perkins, Arlene, -and an assortment of lesser office authorities. "Just don't touch that -pressure cooker till I get home, dammit. It's dangerous." - -"I can only do my best, George," Rosy said with hard finality. "If -that's not good enough for you, darling"--she choked on a sob--"well, -I'm _sorry_." - -The phone clicked and the wire went dead. - - * * * * * - -A dozen faces bent over him. "George," Meddlin' Maude said, raising her -sharp pencil. - -"Just a minute, Miss Doody," said Mr. Zungenspiel. "Young man, would -you step into my office when you have a _free_ moment?" - -"If you see Charlie before they fire you," Arlene said, "tell him I -left a telegram on his desk." - -"George," Miss Doody shrilled, her sharp pencil raised, "did you or did -you not tell _me_ to go to hell?" - -Charlie crashed through the crowd, waving a telegram. "Look at this, -George!" - -George read the telegram: - - OWING TO ILLITERATE SHIPPING CLERK IN WESTERN ELECTRONICS SHIPPING - DEPT YOUR MAIL ORDER FOR PRESSURE COOKER MODEL G-19-78256D WAS - FILLED BY TOP SECRET GOVT CONTRACTED PRESSURE SNOOKER MODEL X-13 - WITH TOUCH COMMAND CONTROL PANEL REGRET SHIPPED TO YOU FULLY - ASSEMBLED HIGHLY DANGEROUS TO LIFE LIMB PROPERTY & PASSING AIRCRAFT - NOT SUITABLE FOR COOKING HEREWITH ADVISE WESTERN ELECTRONICS CORP - NOT LIABLE FOR ANY DAMAGE TO LIFE LIMB PROPERTY & PASSING AIRCRAFT - AFTER REGISTERED RECEIPT OF THIS TELEGRAM WESTERN SNOOKER X-13 - DISMANTLING EXPERT ON WAY BY JET SUGGEST KEEP SNOOKER IN NICE COOL - PLACE SORRY INCONVENIENCE CORRECTED ORDER FOR YOUR PRESSURE COOKER - BEING FILLED BY NEW SHIPPING CLERK WITH COLLEGE DEGREE HOPE SERVE - YOU AGAIN T C FRUMP V-P IN CHARGE OF SNAFU - -George dropped the telegram. - -"What are you waiting for, man?" Charlie said. "Call Rosy, will ya?" - -"She won't answer," George said. "She thinks I don't love her." - -"Come on! We better get home before she starts making dinner." - -They ran down to the Park-O-Port. - -"Ahm sorry, Mistuh Charlie," the snappy attendant said. "Caint git yuh -cah now. It's on de top floh behind seven lines of cahs an _dey_ aint -comin out till five like every weekday sept Satterdays, Sunneys an -holidays." - -"Give him a tip and let's get a taxi," George said. He ran into the -street just in time to flag a cab. - -George tossed the cabbie ten dollars. "Step on it. It may be a matter -of life and death." - -"I could have called Beth," Charlie said. - -"We'll get there almost as fast." - -They zoomed through the underpass and turned onto the freeway. A cycle -cop emerged from behind a Schlitz billboard and took after them, his -siren wailing. - -"Never mind the cop," George said. - -The cabbie hunched forward and gripped the wheel. "Mister," he said, -"I've been waiting for a chance like this." - - * * * * * - -The cop gained on them and as he came abreast George grew confused. He -saw the cop's big sun glasses shining like the eyes of a wasp and his -hat snapping in the wind. George had never broken the law in his life. -He had a deep respect for the police, preservers of law and order. - -The cop motioned the cabbie to pull over. The cab zoomed over a crest -on the freeway and ripped down the slope with marked increase in speed. - -George rolled down the window and flapped his arms. "My wife!" he -yelled. - -The cop cut the siren. His hand went down to his holster. - -"My wife!" George yelled. "Pressure cooker." - -The cop grinned and nodded to say he understood, and roaring ahead -waved them to follow. The siren started up again. - -They lost him when they turned off the freeway and raced past the -supermarket to their street. Sunnydale looked peaceful in the -afternoon. George's house came in view. He heaved a sigh of relief as -the cabbie pulled to a stop. - -"Rosy!" he yelled, dashing up the walk. - -He flung open the door and stopped. The house was silent except for -Rosy's voice in the kitchen. She was counting backwards: - -"Five ... four ... three...." - -"Rosy!" - -"One ... zero." - -A steaming hiss sounded in the kitchen. In a moment it rose to a -howling pitch. There was a tremendous crash and a tremor shook the -plaster from the walls. - -In the settling dust Timmy crawled out of the kitchen with a pot on his -head. - -In the kitchen Rosy sat on the floor, clutching the instruction booklet. - -"Now see what you did, George!" - -"What _I_ did?" - -"Barging in like that," Rosy said, tears of frustration streaking her -dusty cheeks. "I must have pressed the wrong button." - -Beside her on the floor lay the Touch Command Control Panel. Its -colored lights blinked on and off like a pinball machine. - -Charlie came into the kitchen with Timmy in his arms. - -"Oh my gosh!" Rosy cried, looking up at the ceiling. A hole was ripped -out in the roof and through it they could see God's blue sky. - - * * * * * - -George grabbed the control panel and they ran outside. They saw the -snooker describing a lovely ellipse over Sunnydale. - -"My roast!" Rosy wailed. - -"It seems to be waiting for orders," Charlie said. - -"Have to get it down," George said, setting the control panel on the -lawn. "Before it slams into some airplane." - -He pressed a large red button. The snooker wobbled for a moment, then -broke its orbit and dove for Charlie's house. It smashed in at the back -and came out the front. Beth ran out in a bathrobe, screaming. - -"Stop it!" Charlie yelled, flinging himself at the control panel and -pressing a yellow button. - -The snooker resumed its orbit, then wobbled and dove into every second -or third house in the street, working the houses from side to side. - -Women ran out and stood dazed, clutching their children and watching -the snooker. - -Desperately George pressed the blue button. The snooker resumed its -orbit, wobbled, flew once over the street as if to check what all -needed to be hit, then slammed through the whole length of houses from -end to end. - -Two houses caught fire. Charlie pressed the largest button of all, -the green one. The snooker righted itself and flew out over the town. -Wherever it struck a small cloud of dust rose in the air. - -Four fire-engines turned into the street. Three of them turned around -and raced back to downtown. - -They lost sight of the snooker for a while. All they saw was the clouds -of dust mushrooming all over town, and here and there a fire. When the -snooker came in view again, it was rising toward a jet plane circling -overhead. - -"It'll get hit!" Charlie said. - -George pressed all four buttons. - -The snooker wobbled for a moment. Then it seemed to shake off the -confused commands and rose into the plane's path. The plane veered. The -snooker turned after it and rose steeply. Then it dove and slammed down -through the fuselage. - -They all stared as the plane crashed into the supermarket. Above them -the pilot floated down in a parachute. He seemed to see the blinking -lights of the control panel and worked the chute calmly. He landed -through the hole in Rosy's kitchen. He came out of the house eating a -piece of cold chicken. - -He wore an air-research uniform with a belt slanted across his chest -and high shiny boots, and in his hand he carried a Rommel whip. - - * * * * * - -He strode up to George and looked down at the blinking control panel. -With the toe of his boot he pushed a black button in the lower left -corner and squinted up at the sky, chewing the chicken. The snooker -obeyed instantly and resumed its original elliptical orbit. - -"_Ja_," he said. "Very goot." He gazed out over the town, the clouds of -dust and the fires burning. "Excellent," he said, tossing the chicken -bone over his back. It hit Charlie in the face. - -"You must be the dismantling expert," George said hopefully. - -"I am more. I am the infentor of pressure snooker." He noticed Rosy -and Beth. "Ladies," he said, clicking his heels and bowing. "I haf the -honor to present myself. Vernher von Wissenschaft, at your serfice." - -"Likewise," Rosy said. "Could you get my pressure cooker down before it -does any more damage?" - -"Ha ha!" Vernher von Wissenschaft laughed. "Very goot! Pressure -_cooker_! Hm, goot way to deceive brutal enemy. Export five hoondred -tausend pressure cookers to enemy homes. _Ja_, I like it." - -"You don't understand," Rosy said. "My roast will be ruined if you -don't get it down pretty soon." - -"You cook rosht in my infention?" - -"Biggest roast you ever saw," Rosy said. She hugged George. "You see, -this is our wedding anniversary and I'm dying to know how it came out." - -"Rosht?" he mused, following the snooker with his eyes and licking his -fingers thoughtfully. "Why not? Maybe I make deal on side with Amerikan -Kitchen Appliance Inkorporated. If rosht comes out goot." He looked -at the broken houses and the firemen spraying the fires. "_Ja_," he -decided, "kill two experiments mit one snooker." - -He waited for the snooker to pass overhead. Then he gave the control -panel a sharp kick with his heel, breaking it in two. The snooker -wobbled and exploded. Bits of steel whirred out over Sunnydale. A brown -cloud appeared above them and in a moment they were all drenched in a -rainfall of roast beef. - -By the time the gravy hit them it had cooled enough to taste. - -"It's wonderful!" Rosy said. - -"Chust a minute," Vernher von Wissenschaft said. "Scientific experiment -not so fast." He removed a shred of roast beef from behind his ear and -chewed. - -"Isn't it good?" Rosy asked anxiously. - -Vernher von Wissenschaft finished tasting. He thought a moment, -stretched his face. "Excellent," he said. - -"Do you _really_ like it?" - -"Ja, excellent." He held up a finger. "Perhaps," he suggested, "two -more grains pepper." - - * * * * * - -Two weeks later, when all the fires in the town had been put out and -the damage assessed, a great banquet was held in the Emperor Room to -honor George. In the street a huge crowd of well-wishers waited to -greet him as he came out. The Emperor Room could accommodate only the -town's important personages; there were so many of them that some of -the best families did not bribe the mayor in time to get a seat. - -But George managed to get standing room for Mr. Perkins and Mr. -Zungenspiel. - -Beside George at the table of honor sat Charlie. Next to him Vernher -von Wissenschaft in a splendid uniform, cracking his Rommel whip -from time to time. Everybody who was anybody was there: the Police -Commissioner, the Gambling Czar, the District Attorney, the Teamsters' -Boss, Senator Smiley, Coroner Schadenfrohm, the Election Commissioner, -the Slum Owner, the Housing Inspector. - -"Never before," the mayor orated, "has so much damage been done by such -a little man in such a short time." - -Vernher cracked his whip. "Very goot," he said, turning to George. -"Rhetoric, you know." - -"The national economy," the mayor continued, "was in danger of -imminent collapse ever since our old-fashioned P.O.--planned -obsolescence--reached a point of no return. We had to produce more and -more until the market was glutted. Of course we would not sell so much -as a toaster to our brutal enemy." (Applause.) - -Vernher cracked his whip. "Very goot." - -"But now," the mayor said, smiling at George, "the solution to our -economic impasse has been found! This young man had the daring -vision to contribute a brilliant new concept to our economics. S. -D.--Senseless Destruction!" (Applause.) - -Vernher cracked his whip. "Excellent." - -The mayor raised his arms for silence. "I have good news," he said. -"Congress has just voted one billion dollars for Senseless Destruction -research!" (Wild applause.) - -Vernher cracked his whip six times. - -"I can promise you, ladies and gentlemen," the mayor continued, -"what happened to our town is only the beginning. As a result of the -visionary experiment by this daring young man, fifty thousand idle -construction workers have already been put back on the job; twenty new -banks have sprung up to handle the flood of mortgages; a new steel -mill will be erected in our world-famous game preserve. But I need not -go on. The industries, businesses and stock markets that will profit -by Senseless Destruction can hardly be numbered. The biggest boom in -history is on! And as long as we have the snooker it will never end!" -(General pandemonium.) - -When order was restored, the mayor turned solemnly to George and said: -"In grateful recognition of your...." - -After the recognition speech George accepted humbly the following sums, -not listing gifts under $10,000: - -$10,000 from Home Builders Assn. - -$12,500 from Construction Union, Local 256. - -$15,000 from Last Bank of America. - -$11,276.88 from Unified Steel Corp. - -$20,00 from Chicago Furniture Mart. - -$10,000 from Congress in Series E Bonds. - -George also received the following appointments: - -Special Adviser to Mayor on Senseless Destruction, with nominal yearly -income of $75,000 tax free. - -Vice-President of Trojan Life & Casualty Co. - -Chairman of the Board of Trustees, Sunnydale Game and Wood Preserve. - -Honorary Supreme Commander of Juvenile Senseless Destructionists, to be -organized. - - * * * * * - -A year later George sat wearily in the control room of his chateau on -Indian Rock overlooking the town. Snookers buzzed over rooftops like -flies. Clouds of dust rose prosperously everywhere. In the streets -construction gangs raced in speed trucks. - -George had begun to wonder how it would all end. - -After the novelty had worn off, Senseless Destruction became more -monotonous, more depressing than the Installment Way of Life before -it. People worked harder than ever now and had less to show for it. Of -course, it was unpatriotic to have anything to show for it. Nobody in -his right senses would argue against Round-the-Clock Employment for -All. And if you didn't go around grinning and saying how happy you were -with your seventh mortgage, people began to suspect you. - -George had talked it all over with Rosy and she agreed. Sure, it was -all right for _them_--for the time being. But George had begun to -despise himself. - -He had to keep sharp control over the snookers. Some of them showed a -tendency to sneak off course, looking for some nice fresh target--like -the chateau, maybe. - -The butler came in and presented a calling card on a silver platter. - -"Vernher! Show him in at once." - -Vernher von Wissenschaft marched in, cracking his Rommel whip. He -looked worried. - -"Bad news," Vernher said, shaking hands. "Chust come from the -President." - -"How _is_ Charlie?" - -"Goot. But too much work. And trouble. These snookers." Vernher strode -to the window and looked out over the town. - -"They're doing a fine job," George assured him. - -Vernher turned. A grim smile slashed his face. "Too goot. Russian -economy caught up with ours. They vant snookers too. Must have snookers -or they go kaput." - -"What's so bad about that? Let them go kaput. Cold war will be over at -least." - -Vernher shook his head. "They threaten atomic war if they don't get -snookers. This time for real." - - * * * * * - -George gave a low whistle. - -"_Ja_," Vernher sighed. "Charlie had secret cabinet meeting. We cannot -take chance. You must go teach them how." - -"Can't you go?" - -"I'm leaving for Johannesburg tonight. United Africa also caught up." - -"As it is our economy barely keeps ahead of the Russians!" - -"_Ja._ But cannot be helped." - -"Maybe," George said, "if you invented something bigger, better, more -efficient." - -"You think I haf not tried?" - -George stood thinking a long moment. He said, "Vernher, is there no way -out?" - -"Sure," Vernher laughed. "If we go back to savage pre-civilization." - -"All right," George said. "I'll go tell Rosy. Watch the control panel a -moment, will you? Especially the Eastern Section." - -"What's the matter with them?" - -"They seem to be getting restless lately." - -"Nonsense! My snookers haf no emotions." - -"Just seems that way sometimes," George said, going out. Their job -could even make stones feel something, he thought. - -He ran down to Rosy in the kitchen. She had consented to having -servants only because of her social position, but she still insisted on -personally running the kitchen her own way. - -George pulled her into the hallway and put his arms around her and -kissed her. - -"What on earth?" she said. - -"You must be very brave, darling." He fixed her with his eyes. "Rosy, -this is _it_." - -"It?" - -"E-Day." - -E for Escape. - -"We can't talk now," he said. "Vernher is at the controls." - -"Can I change?" - -"No time. Are the suitcases packed?" - -"They're in the garage, behind the beer barrels." - -"Go get Timmy," George said. "I'll drive the station wagon round to the -back door." - -At the gate to the grounds they stopped and took a last look at the -chateau. They could see Vernher standing in the control window. He -seemed to be enjoying the spectacle in the town below. - -Rosy gripped George's arm. "Look!" - -A snooker had strayed off its orbit and was hissing in toward the -chateau. It came fast over the grounds, heading straight for the -control window. - -Vernher never saw it coming. Probably he did not even hear the glass -crashing as the sharp slivers shot into the room. - - * * * * * - -By the end of May George was still chopping a small clearing in the -Montana woods. George and Charlie's old campsite. It was harder work -than he'd expected. But it was a good site and the tent would be -replaced by a heavy log cabin before winter set in. Sometimes they'd -climb one of the peaks on the Flathead Range and sit gazing at Hungry -Horse Reservoir in the distance. - -The trees were stubborn here, blunting the ax. But they'd make it all -right. George sat down to rest. - -Rosy waved to him from the potato patch. A strand of smoke rose -peacefully from the stone oven. He waved back and grinned. - -Timmy worked his way up bravely to where George sat. He'd gotten used -to his bark shoes and had quite forgotten that he had ever worn any -other kind. - -"Can I help you, Daddy?" - -Education too, George thought. The _real_ kind. "No, thanks, son," he -said. "You'd better help your mother plant the potatoes." - -That evening at supper, as they sat enjoying sundown and the quiet of -woods and mountains, they heard a motor far away. The wind took it away -and then it sounded much nearer, grinding in low gear. George stood up -as a jeep came round the mountain. In it sat a man and a woman. - -The jeep came into the clearing, swaying over stones and roots. - -"Charlie!" - -"Hi," Charlie said. He helped Beth down. - -George yanked Timmy to his feet. "Stand up, son. This is the President -of the United States." - -"I got a present for you, George," Charlie said. - -"Not another pressure cooker!" Rosy said. - -"A peace pipe," Charlie said. - -Timmy's big round eyes took him in. "Are _you_ the President?" he asked -in a small, awed voice. - -"Not any more," Charlie said. - -George stared at him. "You didn't give up the White House?" - -"What else could I do?" Charlie said. "I gave it back to the Indians." - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Cry Snooker, by Andrew Fetler - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK CRY SNOOKER *** - -***** This file should be named 51570.txt or 51570.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/1/5/7/51570/ - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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