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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..f86714b --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #51774 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/51774) diff --git a/old/51774-h.zip b/old/51774-h.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index d162731..0000000 --- a/old/51774-h.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/51774-h/51774-h.htm b/old/51774-h/51774-h.htm deleted file mode 100644 index d429c4c..0000000 --- a/old/51774-h/51774-h.htm +++ /dev/null @@ -1,1299 +0,0 @@ -<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" - "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> -<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> - <head> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=us-ascii" /> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> - <title> - The Project Gutenberg eBook of The Weirdest World, by R. 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A. Lafferty - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: The Weirdest World - -Author: R. A. Lafferty - -Release Date: April 17, 2016 [EBook #51774] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WEIRDEST WORLD *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - -</pre> - - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/cover.jpg" width="400" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="titlepage"> -<h1>The Weirdest World</h1> - -<p>By R. A. LAFFERTY</p> - -<p>Illustrated by WOOD</p> - -<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br /> -Galaxy Magazine June 1961.<br /> -Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br /> -the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p> - -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="ph3"><i>Odd planet! The bipeds talked from their<br /> -heads and saw only what lay before them.<br /> -In short, they were pathetic—and deadly!</i></p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="ph4">I</p> - -<p>As I am now utterly without hope, lost to my mission and lost in the -sight of my crew, I will record what petty thoughts I may have for -what benefit they may give some other starfarer. Nine long days of -bickering! But the decision is sure. The crew will maroon me. I have -lost all control over them.</p> - -<p>Who could have believed that I would show such weakness when crossing -the barrier? By all the tests I should have been the strongest. But the -final test is the event itself. I failed.</p> - -<p>I only hope that it is a pleasant and habitable planet where they put -me down....</p> - -<p>Later. They have decided. I am no longer the captain even in name. But -they have compassion on me. They will do what they can for my comfort. -I believe they have already selected my desert island, so to speak, an -out-of-the-way globe where they will leave me to die. I will hope for -the best. I no longer have any voice in their councils....</p> - -<p>Later. I will be put down with only the basic survival kit: the -ejection mortar and sphere for my last testament to be orbited into -the galactic drift; a small cosmoscope so that I will at least have -my bearings; one change of blood; an abridged universal language -correlator; a compendium of the one thousand philosophic questions yet -unsolved to exercise my mind; a small vial of bug-kill; and a stack of -sexy magazines....</p> - -<p>Later. It has been selected. But my mind has grown so demoralized that -I do not even recognize the system, though once this particular region -was my specialty. The globe will be habitable. There will be breathable -atmosphere which will allow me to dispense with much bothersome -equipment. Here the filler used is nitrogen, yet it will not matter. I -have breathed nitrogen before. There will be water, much of it saline, -but sufficient quantities of sweet. Food will be no problem; before -being marooned, I will receive injections that should last me for the -rest of my probably short life. Gravity will be within the range of my -constitution.</p> - -<p>What will be lacking? Nothing but the companionship of my own kind, -which is everything.</p> - -<p>What a terrible thing it is to be marooned!</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>One of my teachers used to say that the only unforgivable sin in the -universe is ineptitude. That I should be the first to succumb to -space-ineptitude and be an awkward burden on the rest of them! But it -would be disastrous for them to try to travel any longer with a sick -man, particularly as their nominal leader. I would be a shadow over -them. I hold them no rancor.</p> - -<p>It will be today....</p> - -<p>Later. I am here. I have no real interest in defining where "here" -is, though I have my cosmoscope and could easily determine it. I was -anesthetized a few hours before, and put down here in my sleep. The -blasted half-acre of their landing is near. No other trace of them is -left.</p> - -<p>Yet it is a good choice and not greatly unlike home. It is the nearest -resemblance I have seen on the entire voyage, which is to say that the -pseudodendrons are enough like trees to remind me of trees, the herbage -near enough to grass to satisfy one who had never known real grass. It -is a green, somewhat waterlogged land of pleasant temperature.</p> - -<p>The only inhabitants I have encountered are a preoccupied race of -hump-backed browsers who pay me scant notice. These are quadruped and -myopic, and spend nearly their entire time at feeding. It may be that -I am invisible to them. Yet they hear my voice and shy away somewhat -from it. I am able to communicate with them only poorly. Their only -vocalization is a sort of vibrant windy roar, but when I answer in -kind, they appear more puzzled than communicative.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus1.jpg" width="338" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>They have this peculiarity: when they come to an obstacle of terrain -or thicket, they either go laboriously around it or force their way -through it. It does not seem to occur to them to fly over it. They are -as gravity-bound as a newborn baby.</p> - -<p>What air-traveling creatures I have met are of a considerably smaller -size. These are more vocal than the myopic quadrupeds, and I have had -some success in conversing with them, but my results still await a more -leisurely semantic interpretation. Such communications of theirs as I -have analyzed are quite commonplace. They have no real philosophy and -are singularly lacking in aspiration; they are almost total extroverts -and have no more than the rudiments of introspection.</p> - -<p>Yet they have managed to tell me some amusing anecdotes. They are quite -good-natured, though moronic.</p> - -<p>They say that neither they nor the myopic quadrupeds are the dominant -race here, but rather a large grublike creature lacking a complete -outer covering. From what they are able to convey of this breed, it is -a nightmarish kind of creation. One of the flyers even told me that the -giant grubs travel upright on a bifurcated tail, but this is difficult -to credit. Besides, I believe that humor is at least a minor component -of the mentality of my airy friends. I will call them birds, though -they are but a sorry caricature of the birds at home....</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Later. I am being hunted. I am being hunted by the giant grubs. -Doubling back, I have seen them on my trail, examining it with great -curiosity.</p> - -<p>The birds had given me a very inadequate idea of these. They are indeed -unfinished—they <i>do</i> lack a complete outer covering. Despite their -giant size, I am convinced that they are grubs, living under rocks and -in masses of rotten wood. Nothing in nature gives the impression of so -lacking an outer covering as the grub, that obese, unfinished worm.</p> - -<p>These are, however, simple bipeds. They are wrapped in a cocoon which -they seem never to have shed, as though their emergence from the larval -state were incomplete. It is a loose artificial sheath covering the -central portion of the corpus. They seem never to divest themselves -of it, though it is definitely not a part of the body. When I have -analyzed their minds, I will know the reason for their carrying it. Now -I can only conjecture. It would seem a compulsion, some psychological -bond that dooms them in their apparent adult state to carry their -cocoons with them.</p> - -<p>Later. I am captured by three of the giant grubs. I had barely time to -swallow my communication sphere. They pinned me down and beat me with -sticks. I was taken by surprise and was not momentarily able to solve -their language, though it came to me after a short interval. It was -discordant and vocal and entirely gravity-bound, by which I mean that -its thoughts were chained to its words. There seemed nothing in them -above the vocal. In this the giant grubs were less than the birds, even -though they had a practical power and cogency that the birds lacked.</p> - -<p>"What'll we do with the blob?" asked one.</p> - -<p>"Why," said the second, "you hit it on that end and I'll hit it on -this. We don't know which end is the head."</p> - -<p>"Let's try it for bait," said the third. "Catfish might go for it."</p> - -<p>"We could keep it alive till we're ready to use it. Then it would stay -fresh."</p> - -<p>"No, let's kill it. It doesn't look too fresh, even the way it is."</p> - -<p>"Gentlemen, you are making a mistake," I said. "I have done nothing -to merit death. And I am not without talent. Besides, you have not -considered the possibility that I may be forced to kill you three -instead. I will not die willingly. Also I will thank you to stop -pounding on me with those sticks. It hurts."</p> - -<p>I was surprised and shocked at the sound of my own voice. It nearly -as harsh as that of the grubs. But this was my first attempt at their -language, and musicality does not become it.</p> - -<p>"Hey, fellows, did you hear that? Was that the blob talking? Or was one -of you playing a joke? Harry? Stanley? Have you been practicing to be -ventriloquists?"</p> - -<p>"Not me."</p> - -<p>"Not me either. It sure sounded like it was it."</p> - -<p>"Hey, blob, was that you? Can you talk, blob?"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>"Certainly I can talk," I responded. "I am not an infant. Nor am I a -blob. I am a creature superior to your own kind, if you are examples. -Or it may be that you are only children. Perhaps you are still in -the pupa stage. Tell me, is yours an early stage, or an arrested -development, or are you indeed adult?"</p> - -<p>"Hey, fellows, we don't have to take that from any blob. I'll cave in -its blasted head."</p> - -<p>"That's its tail."</p> - -<p>"It's its head. It's the end it talks with."</p> - -<p>"Gentlemen, perhaps I can set you straight," I said. "That is my tail -you are thwacking with that stick, and I am warning you to stop it. Of -course I was talking with my tail. I was only doing it in imitation of -you. I am new at the language and its manner of speaking. Yet it may -be that I have made a grotesque mistake. Is that your <i>heads</i> that you -are waving in the air? Well, then, I will talk with my head, if that is -the custom. But I warn you again not to hit me on either end with those -sticks."</p> - -<p>"Hey, fellows, I bet we could sell that thing. I bet we could sell it -to Billy Wilkins for his Reptile Farm."</p> - -<p>"How would we get it there?"</p> - -<p>"Make it walk. Hey blob, can you walk?"</p> - -<p>"I can travel, certainly, but I would not stagger along precariously -on a pair of flesh stilts with my head in the air, as you do. When I -travel, I do not travel upside down."</p> - -<p>"Well, let's go, then. We're going to sell you to Billy Wilkins for his -Reptile Farm. If he can use a blob, he'll put you in one of the tanks -with the big turtles and alligators. You think you'll like them?"</p> - -<p>"I am lonesome in this lost world," I replied sadly, "and even the -company of you peeled grubs is better than nothing. I am anxious to -adopt a family and settle down here for what years of life I have left. -It may be that I will find compatibility with the species you mention. -I do not know what they are."</p> - -<p>"Hey, fellows, this blob isn't a bad guy at all. I'd shake your hand; -blob, if I knew where it was. Let's go to Billy Wilkins' place and sell -him."</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="ph4">II</p> - -<p>We traveled to Billy Wilkins' place. My friends were amazed when -I took to the air and believed that I had deserted them. They had -no cause to distrust me. Without them I would have had to rely on -intuition to reach Billy Wilkins, and even then I would lack the proper -introductions.</p> - -<p>"Hey, Billy," said my loudest friend, whose name was Cecil, "what will -you give us for a blob? It flies and talks and isn't a bad fellow at -all. You'd get more tourists to come to your reptile show if you had -a talking blob in it. He could sing songs and tell stories. I bet he -could even play the guitar."</p> - -<p>"Well, Cecil, I'll just give you all ten dollars for it and try to -figure out what it is later. I'm a little ahead on my hunches now, so I -can afford to gamble on this one. I can always pickle it and exhibit it -as a genuine hippopotamus kidney."</p> - -<p>"Thank you, Billy. Take care of yourself, blob."</p> - -<p>"Good-by for now, gentlemen," I said. "I would like you to visit me -some evening as soon as I am acclimated to my new surroundings. I will -throw a whing-ding for you—as soon as I find out what a whing-ding is."</p> - -<p>"My God," said Billy Wilkins, "it talks! It really talks!"</p> - -<p>"We told you it could talk and fly, Billy."</p> - -<p>"It talks, it talks," said Billy. "Where's that blasted sign painter? -Eustace, come here. We got to paint a new sign!"</p> - -<p>The turtles in the tank I was put into did have a sound basic -philosophy which was absent in the walking grubs. But they were slow -and lacking inner fire. They would not be obnoxious company, but -neither would they give me excitement and warmth. I was really more -interested in the walking grubs.</p> - -<p>Eustace was a black grub, while the others had all been white; but -like them he had no outside casing of his own, and like them he also -staggered about on flesh stilts with his head in the air.</p> - -<p>It wasn't that I was naive or hadn't seen bipeds before. But I don't -believe anyone ever became entirely accustomed to seeing a biped travel -in its peculiar manner.</p> - -<p>"Good afternoon, Eustace," I said pleasantly enough. The eyes of -Eustace were large and white. He was a more handsome specimen than the -other grubs.</p> - -<p>"That you talking, bub? Say, you really can talk, can't you? I thought -Mr. Billy was fooling. Now just you hold that expression a minute and -let me get it set in my mind. I can paint anything, once I get it set -in my mind. What's your name, blob? Have blobs names?"</p> - -<p>"Not in your manner. With us the name and the soul, I believe you call -it, are the same thing and cannot be vocalized, so I will have to adopt -a name of your sort. What would be a good name?"</p> - -<p>"Bub, I was always partial to George Albert Leroy Ellery. That was my -grandfather's name."</p> - -<p>"Should I also have a family name?"</p> - -<p>"Sure."</p> - -<p>"What would you suggest?"</p> - -<p>"How about McIntosh?"</p> - -<p>"That will be fine. I will use it."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>I talked to the turtles while Eustace was painting my portrait on tent -canvas.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus3.jpg" width="397" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>"Is the name of this world Florida?" I asked one of them. "The road -signs said Florida."</p> - -<p>"World, world, world, water, water, water, glub, glug, glub," said one -of them.</p> - -<p>"Yes, but is this particular world we are on named Florida?"</p> - -<p>"World, world, water, water, glub," said another.</p> - -<p>"Eustace, I can get nothing from these fellows," I called. "Is this -world named Florida?"</p> - -<p>"Mr. George Albert, you are right in the middle of Florida, the -greatest state in the universe."</p> - -<p>"Having traveled, Eustace, I have great reservations that it is the -greatest. But it is my new home and I must cultivate a loyalty to it."</p> - -<p>I went up in a tree to give advice to two young birds trying to -construct a nest. This was obviously their first venture.</p> - -<p>"You are going about it all wrong," I told them. "First consider that -this will be your home, and then consider how you can make your home -most beautiful."</p> - -<p>"This is the way they've always built them," said one of the birds.</p> - -<p>"There must be an element of utility, yes," I told them. "But the -dominant motif should be beauty. The impression of expanded vistas can -be given by long low walls and parapets."</p> - -<p>"This is the way they've always built them," said the other bird.</p> - -<p>"Remember to embody new developments," I said. "Just say to yourself, -'This is the newest nest in the world.' Always say that about any task -you attempt. It inspires you."</p> - -<p>"This is the way they've always built them," said the birds. "Go build -your own nest."</p> - -<p>"Mr. George Albert," called Eustace, "Mr. Billy won't like your flying -around those trees. You're supposed to stay in your tank."</p> - -<p>"I was only getting a little air and talking to the birds," I said.</p> - -<p>"You can talk to the birds?" asked Eustace.</p> - -<p>"Cannot anyone?"</p> - -<p>"I can, a little," said Eustace. "I didn't know anyone else could."</p> - -<p>But when Billy Wilkins returned and heard the report that I had been -flying about, I was put in the snake house, in a cage that was tightly -meshed top and sides. My cellmate was a surly python named Pete.</p> - -<p>"See you stay on that side," said Pete. "You're too big for me to -swallow. But I might try."</p> - -<p>"There is something bothering you, Pete," I said. "You have a bad -disposition. That can come only from a bad digestion or a bad -conscience."</p> - -<p>"I have both," said Pete. "The first is because I bolt my food. The -second is because—well, I forget the reason, but it's my conscience."</p> - -<p>"Think hard, Pete. Why have you a bad conscience?"</p> - -<p>"Snakes always have bad consciences. We have forgotten the crime, but -we remember the guilt."</p> - -<p>"Perhaps you should seek advice from someone, Pete."</p> - -<p>"I kind of think it was someone's smooth advice that started us on all -this. He talked the legs right off us."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Billy Wilkins came to the cage with another "man," as the walking grubs -call themselves.</p> - -<p>"That it?" asked the other man. "And you say it can talk?"</p> - -<p>"Of course I talk," I answered for Billy Wilkins. "I have never known -a creature who couldn't talk in some manner. My name is George Albert -Leroy Ellery McIntosh. I don't believe that I heard yours, sir."</p> - -<p>"Bracken. Blackjack Bracken. I was telling Billy here that if he really -had a blob that could talk, I might be able to use it in my night -club. We could have you here at the Snake Ranch in the daytime for the -tourists and kids. Then I could have you at the club at night. We could -work out an act. Do you think you could learn to play the guitar?"</p> - -<p>"Probably. But it would be much easier for me merely to duplicate the -sound."</p> - -<p>"But then how could you sing and make guitar noise at the same time?"</p> - -<p>"You surely don't think I am limited to one voice box?"</p> - -<p>"Oh. I didn't know. What's that big metal ball you have there?"</p> - -<p>"That's my communication sphere, to record my thoughts. I would not -be without it. When in danger, I swallow it. When in extreme danger, -I will have to escape to a spot where I have concealed my ejection -mortar, and send my sphere into the galactic drift on a chance that it -may be found."</p> - -<p>"That's no kind of gag to put in an act. What I have in mind is -something like this."</p> - -<p>Blackjack Bracken told a joke. It was a childish one and in poor taste.</p> - -<p>"I don't believe that is quite my style," I said.</p> - -<p>"All right, what would you suggest?"</p> - -<p>"I thought that I might lecture your patrons on the Higher Ethic."</p> - -<p>"Look, George Albert, my patrons don't even have the lower ethic."</p> - -<p>"And just what sort of recompense are we talking about?" I asked.</p> - -<p>"Billy and I had about settled on a hundred and fifty a week."</p> - -<p>"A hundred and fifty for whom?"</p> - -<p>"Why, for Billy."</p> - -<p>"Let us make it a hundred and fifty for myself, and ten per cent for -Billy as my agent."</p> - -<p>"Say, this blob's real smart, isn't he, Billy?"</p> - -<p>"Too smart."</p> - -<p>"Yes, sir, George Albert, you're one smart blob. What kind of contract -have you signed with Billy here?"</p> - -<p>"No contract."</p> - -<p>"Just a gentlemen's agreement?"</p> - -<p>"No agreement."</p> - -<p>"Billy, you can't hold him in a cage without a contract. That's -slavery. It's against the law."</p> - -<p>"But, Blackjack, a blob isn't people."</p> - -<p>"Try proving that in court. Will you sign a contract with me, George -Albert?"</p> - -<p>"I will not dump Billy. He befriended me and gave me a home with the -turtles and snakes. I will sign a joint contract with the two of you. -We will discuss terms tomorrow—after I have estimated the attendance -both here and at the night club."</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="ph4">III</p> - -<p>Of the walking grubs (who call themselves "people") there are two -kinds, and they place great emphasis on the difference. From this stems -a large part of their difficulties. This distinction, which is one -of polarity, cuts quite across the years and ability and station of -life. It is not confined only to the people grubs, but also involves -apparently all the beings on the planet Florida.</p> - -<p>It appears that a person is committed to one or the other polarity -at the beginning of life, maintaining that polarity until death. The -interlocking attraction-repulsion complex set up by these two opposable -types has deep emotional involvements. It is the cause of considerable -concern and disturbance, as well as desire and inspiration. There is a -sort of poetic penumbra about the whole thing that tends to disguise -its basic simplicity, expressible as a simultaneous polarity equation.</p> - -<p>Complete segregation of the two types seems impossible. If it has ever -been tried, it has now evidently been abandoned as impractical.</p> - -<p>There is indeed an intangible difference between the two types, so that -before that first day at the Reptile Ranch was finished, I was able to -differentiate between the two more than ninety per cent of the time. -The knowledge of this difference in polarity seems to be intuitive.</p> - -<p>These two I will call the Beta and Gamma, or Boy and Girl, types. I -began to see that this opposability of the two types was one of the -great driving forces of the people.</p> - -<p>In the evening I was transported to the night club and I was a -success. I would not entertain them with blue jokes or blue lyrics, -but the patrons seemed fascinated by my simple imitations of all -the instruments of the orchestra and my singing of comic ballads -that Eustace had taught me in odd moments that day. They were also -interested in the way that I drank gin—that is, emptying the bottle -without breaking the seal. (It seems that the grub-people are unable to -absorb a liquid without making direct contact with it.)</p> - -<p>And I met Margaret, one of the "girl" singers.</p> - -<p>I had been wondering to which type of people I might show affinity. Now -I knew. I was definitely a Beta type, for I was attracted to Margaret, -who was unmistakably a Gamma. I began to understand the queer effect -that these types have on each other.</p> - -<p>She came over to my cage.</p> - -<p>"I want to rub your head for good luck before I go on," she said.</p> - -<p>"Thank you, Margaret," I replied, "but that is not my head."</p> - -<p>She sang with incomparable sadness, with all the sorrow and sordidness -that appear to be the lot of unfortunate Gammas. It was the essence of -melancholy made into music. It was a little bit like the ghost music on -the asteroid Artemis, a little like the death chants on Dolmena. Sex -and sorrow. Nostalgia. Regret.</p> - -<p>Her singing shook me with a yearning that had no precedent.</p> - -<p>She came back to my cage.</p> - -<p>"You were wonderful, Margaret," I said.</p> - -<p>"I'm always wonderful when I'm singing for my supper. I am less -wonderful in the rare times that I am well fed. But are you happy, -little buddy?"</p> - -<p>"I had become almost so, till I heard you sing. Now I am overcome with -sorrow and longing. Margaret, I am fascinated with you."</p> - -<p>"I go for you too, blob. You're my buddy. Isn't it funny that the only -buddy I have in the world is a blob? But if you'd seen some of the guys -I've been married to—boy! I wouldn't insult you by calling them blobs. -Have to go now. See you tomorrow night—if they keep us both on."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Now there was a problem to face. It was necessary that I establish -control over my environment, and at once. How else could I aspire to -Margaret?</p> - -<p>I knew that the heart of the entire place here was neither the bar nor -the entertainment therein, nor the cuisine, nor the dancing. The heart -of the enterprise was the Casino. Here was the money that mattered; the -rest was but garnish.</p> - -<p>I had them bring me into the gambling rooms.</p> - -<p>I had expected problems of complexity here with which the patrons -worked for their gain or loss. Instead there was an almost amazing -simplicity. All the games were based on first aspect numbers only. -Indeed, everything on the Planet Florida seemed based on first aspect -numbers.</p> - -<p>Now it is an elemental fact that first aspect numbers do not carry -within them their own prediction. Nor were the people even possessed -of the prediction key that lies over the very threshold of the second -aspect series.</p> - -<p>These people were actually wagering sums—the symbols of -prosperity—blindly, not knowing for sure whether they would win -or lose. They were selecting numbers by hunch or at random with no -assurance of profit. They were choosing a hole for a ball to fall into -without knowing whether that was the right hole!</p> - -<p>I do not believe that I was ever so amazed at anything in my life.</p> - -<p>But here was my opportunity to establish control over my environment.</p> - -<p>I began to play the games.</p> - -<p>Usually I would watch a round first, to be sure that I understood just -what was going on. Then I would play a few times ... as many as it took -to break the game.</p> - -<p>I broke game after game. When he could no longer pay me, Blackjack -closed the Casino in exasperation.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus2.jpg" width="324" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>Then we played poker, he and I and several others. This was even more -simple. I suddenly realized that the grub-people could see only one -side of the cards at a time.</p> - -<p>I played and I won.</p> - -<p>I owned the Casino now, and all of those people were now working for -me. Billy Wilkins also played with us, so that in short order I also -owned the Reptile Ranch.</p> - -<p>Before the evening was over, I owned a race track, a beach hotel, and a -theater in a place named New York.</p> - -<p>I had begun to establish control over my environment....</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Later. Now started the golden days. I increased my control and did what -I could for my friends.</p> - -<p>I got a good doctor for my old friend and roommate, Pete the python, -and he began receiving treatment for his indigestion. I got a jazzy -sports car for my friend Eustace imported from somewhere called Italy. -And I buried Margaret in mink, for she had a fix on the fur of that -mysterious animal. She enjoyed draping it about her in the form of -coats, capes, cloaks, mantles and stoles, though the weather didn't -really require it.</p> - -<p>I had now won several banks, a railroad, an airline, and a casino in -somewhere named Havana.</p> - -<p>"You're somebody now," said Margaret. "You really ought to dress -better. Or are you dressed? I never know. I don't know if part of that -is clothes or if all of it is you. But at least I've learned which is -your head. I think we should be married in May. It's so common to be -married in June. Just imagine me being Mrs. George Albert Leroy Ellery -McIntosh! You know, we have become quite an item. And do you know there -are three biographies of you out—<i>Burgeoning Blob</i>, <i>The Blob from Way -Out</i>, <i>The Hidden Hand Behind the Blob—What Does it Portend?</i> And the -governor has invited us to dine tomorrow. I do wish you would learn -to eat. If you weren't so nice, you'd be creepy. I always say there's -nothing wrong with marrying a man, or a blob, with money. It shows -foresight on the part of a girl. You know you will have to get a blood -test? You had better get it tomorrow. You do have blood, don't you?"</p> - -<p>I did, but not, of course, of the color and viscosity of hers. But I -could give it that color and viscosity temporarily. And it would react -negative in all the tests.</p> - -<p>She mused, "They are all jealous of me. They say they wouldn't marry a -blob. They mean they couldn't.... Do you have to carry that tin ball -with you all the time?"</p> - -<p>"Yes. It is my communication sphere. In it I record my thoughts. I -would be lost without it."</p> - -<p>"Oh, like a diary. How quaint!"</p> - -<p>Yes, those were the golden days. The grubs appeared to me in a new -light, for was not Margaret also a grub? Yet she seemed not so -unfinished as the rest. Though lacking a natural outer casing, she had -not the appearance of crawling out from under a rock. She was quite an -attractive "girl." And she cared for me.</p> - -<p>What more could I wish? I was affluent. I was respected. I was in -control of my environment. And I could aid my friends, of whom I had -now acquired an astonishing number.</p> - -<p>Moreover, my old space-ineptitude sickness had left me. I never felt -better in my life. Ah, golden days, one after the other like a pleasant -dream. And soon I am to be married!</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="ph4">IV</p> - -<p>There has been a sudden change. As on the Planet Hecube, where full -summer turns into the dead of the winter in minutes, to the destruction -of many travelers, so was it here. My world is threatened!</p> - -<p>It is tottering, all that I have built up. I will fight. I will have -the best lawyers on the planet. I am not done. But I am threatened....</p> - -<p>Later. This may be the end. The appeal court has given its decision. A -blob may not own property in Florida. A blob is not a person.</p> - -<p>Of course I am not a person. I never pretended to be. But I am a -<i>personage</i>! I will yet fight this thing....</p> - -<p>Later. I have lost everything. The last appeal is gone. By definition, -I am an animal of indeterminate origin, and my property is being -completely stripped from me.</p> - -<p>I made an eloquent appeal and it moved them greatly. There were tears -in their eyes. But there was greed in the set of their mouths. They -have a vested interest in stripping me. Each will seize a little.</p> - -<p>And I am left a pauper, a vassal, an animal, a slave. This is always -the last doom of the marooned, to be a despised alien at the mercy of -a strange world.</p> - -<p>Yet it should not be hopeless. I will have Margaret. Since my contract -with Billy Wilkins and Blackjack Bracken, long since bought up, is -no longer in effect, Margaret should be able to handle my affairs -as a person. I believe that I have great earning powers yet, and I -can win as much as I wish by gambling. We will treat this as only a -technicality. We shall acquire new fortune. I will reestablish control -over my environment. I will bring back the golden days. A few of my old -friends are still loyal to me, Margaret, Pete the python, Eustace....</p> - -<p>Later. The world has caved in completely. Margaret has thrown me over.</p> - -<p>"I'm sorry, blobby," she said, "but it just won't work. You're still -nice, but without money you are only a blob. How could I marry a blob?"</p> - -<p>"But we can earn more money! I am talented."</p> - -<p>"No, you're box-office poison now. You were a fad, and fads die -quickly."</p> - -<p>"But, Margaret, I can win as much as I wish by gambling."</p> - -<p>"Not a chance, blobby. Nobody will gamble with you any more. You're -through, blob. I will miss you, though. There will be a new blue note -in my ballads when I sing for my supper, after the mink coats are all -gone. 'By now."</p> - -<p>"Margaret, do not leave me! What of all our golden days together?"</p> - -<p>But all she said was "'By now."</p> - -<p>And she was gone forever.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>I am desolate and my old space-ineptitude has returned. My recovery was -an illusion. I am so ill with awkwardness that I can no longer fly. I -must walk on the ground like one of the giant grubs. A curse on this -planet Florida and all its sister orbs! What a miserable world this is!</p> - -<p>How could I have been tricked by a young Gamma type of the walking -grub? Let her crawl back under her ancestral rocks with all the rest of -her kind.... No, no, I do not mean that. To me she will always remain a -dream, a broken dream.</p> - -<p>I am no longer welcome at the Casino. They kicked me down the front -steps.</p> - -<p>I no longer have a home at the Reptile Ranch.</p> - -<p>"Mr. George Albert," said Eustace, "I just can't afford to be seen with -you any more. I have my position to consider, with a sports car and all -that."</p> - -<p>And Pete the python was curt.</p> - -<p>"Well, big shot, I guess you aren't so big after all. And you were sure -no friend of mine. When you had that doctor cure me of my indigestion, -you left me with nothing but my bad conscience. I wish I could get my -indigestion back."</p> - -<p>"A curse on this world," I said.</p> - -<p>"World, world, water, water, glug, glug," said the turtles in their -tanks, my only friends.</p> - -<p>So I have gone back into the woods to die. I have located my ejection -mortar, and when I know that death is finally on me, I will fire off -my communication sphere and hope it will reach the galactic drift. -Whoever finds it—friend—space traveler—you who were too impatient to -remain on your own world—be you warned of this one! Here ingratitude -is the rule and cruelty the main sport. The unfinished grubs have come -out from under their rocks and they walk this world upside down with -their heads in the air. Their friendship is fleeting, their promises -are like the wind.</p> - -<p>I am near my end.</p> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Weirdest World, by R. A. 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A. Lafferty - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States and most -other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no restrictions -whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of -the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at -www.gutenberg.org. If you are not located in the United States, you'll have -to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this ebook. - -Title: The Weirdest World - -Author: R. A. Lafferty - -Release Date: April 17, 2016 [EBook #51774] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK THE WEIRDEST WORLD *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - - - - - The Weirdest World - - By R. A. LAFFERTY - - Illustrated by WOOD - - [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from - Galaxy Magazine June 1961. - Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that - the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] - - - - - Odd planet! The bipeds talked from their - heads and saw only what lay before them. - In short, they were pathetic--and deadly! - - -I - -As I am now utterly without hope, lost to my mission and lost in the -sight of my crew, I will record what petty thoughts I may have for -what benefit they may give some other starfarer. Nine long days of -bickering! But the decision is sure. The crew will maroon me. I have -lost all control over them. - -Who could have believed that I would show such weakness when crossing -the barrier? By all the tests I should have been the strongest. But the -final test is the event itself. I failed. - -I only hope that it is a pleasant and habitable planet where they put -me down.... - -Later. They have decided. I am no longer the captain even in name. But -they have compassion on me. They will do what they can for my comfort. -I believe they have already selected my desert island, so to speak, an -out-of-the-way globe where they will leave me to die. I will hope for -the best. I no longer have any voice in their councils.... - -Later. I will be put down with only the basic survival kit: the -ejection mortar and sphere for my last testament to be orbited into -the galactic drift; a small cosmoscope so that I will at least have -my bearings; one change of blood; an abridged universal language -correlator; a compendium of the one thousand philosophic questions yet -unsolved to exercise my mind; a small vial of bug-kill; and a stack of -sexy magazines.... - -Later. It has been selected. But my mind has grown so demoralized that -I do not even recognize the system, though once this particular region -was my specialty. The globe will be habitable. There will be breathable -atmosphere which will allow me to dispense with much bothersome -equipment. Here the filler used is nitrogen, yet it will not matter. I -have breathed nitrogen before. There will be water, much of it saline, -but sufficient quantities of sweet. Food will be no problem; before -being marooned, I will receive injections that should last me for the -rest of my probably short life. Gravity will be within the range of my -constitution. - -What will be lacking? Nothing but the companionship of my own kind, -which is everything. - -What a terrible thing it is to be marooned! - - * * * * * - -One of my teachers used to say that the only unforgivable sin in the -universe is ineptitude. That I should be the first to succumb to -space-ineptitude and be an awkward burden on the rest of them! But it -would be disastrous for them to try to travel any longer with a sick -man, particularly as their nominal leader. I would be a shadow over -them. I hold them no rancor. - -It will be today.... - -Later. I am here. I have no real interest in defining where "here" -is, though I have my cosmoscope and could easily determine it. I was -anesthetized a few hours before, and put down here in my sleep. The -blasted half-acre of their landing is near. No other trace of them is -left. - -Yet it is a good choice and not greatly unlike home. It is the nearest -resemblance I have seen on the entire voyage, which is to say that the -pseudodendrons are enough like trees to remind me of trees, the herbage -near enough to grass to satisfy one who had never known real grass. It -is a green, somewhat waterlogged land of pleasant temperature. - -The only inhabitants I have encountered are a preoccupied race of -hump-backed browsers who pay me scant notice. These are quadruped and -myopic, and spend nearly their entire time at feeding. It may be that -I am invisible to them. Yet they hear my voice and shy away somewhat -from it. I am able to communicate with them only poorly. Their only -vocalization is a sort of vibrant windy roar, but when I answer in -kind, they appear more puzzled than communicative. - -They have this peculiarity: when they come to an obstacle of terrain -or thicket, they either go laboriously around it or force their way -through it. It does not seem to occur to them to fly over it. They are -as gravity-bound as a newborn baby. - -What air-traveling creatures I have met are of a considerably smaller -size. These are more vocal than the myopic quadrupeds, and I have had -some success in conversing with them, but my results still await a more -leisurely semantic interpretation. Such communications of theirs as I -have analyzed are quite commonplace. They have no real philosophy and -are singularly lacking in aspiration; they are almost total extroverts -and have no more than the rudiments of introspection. - -Yet they have managed to tell me some amusing anecdotes. They are quite -good-natured, though moronic. - -They say that neither they nor the myopic quadrupeds are the dominant -race here, but rather a large grublike creature lacking a complete -outer covering. From what they are able to convey of this breed, it is -a nightmarish kind of creation. One of the flyers even told me that the -giant grubs travel upright on a bifurcated tail, but this is difficult -to credit. Besides, I believe that humor is at least a minor component -of the mentality of my airy friends. I will call them birds, though -they are but a sorry caricature of the birds at home.... - - * * * * * - -Later. I am being hunted. I am being hunted by the giant grubs. -Doubling back, I have seen them on my trail, examining it with great -curiosity. - -The birds had given me a very inadequate idea of these. They are indeed -unfinished--they _do_ lack a complete outer covering. Despite their -giant size, I am convinced that they are grubs, living under rocks and -in masses of rotten wood. Nothing in nature gives the impression of so -lacking an outer covering as the grub, that obese, unfinished worm. - -These are, however, simple bipeds. They are wrapped in a cocoon which -they seem never to have shed, as though their emergence from the larval -state were incomplete. It is a loose artificial sheath covering the -central portion of the corpus. They seem never to divest themselves -of it, though it is definitely not a part of the body. When I have -analyzed their minds, I will know the reason for their carrying it. Now -I can only conjecture. It would seem a compulsion, some psychological -bond that dooms them in their apparent adult state to carry their -cocoons with them. - -Later. I am captured by three of the giant grubs. I had barely time to -swallow my communication sphere. They pinned me down and beat me with -sticks. I was taken by surprise and was not momentarily able to solve -their language, though it came to me after a short interval. It was -discordant and vocal and entirely gravity-bound, by which I mean that -its thoughts were chained to its words. There seemed nothing in them -above the vocal. In this the giant grubs were less than the birds, even -though they had a practical power and cogency that the birds lacked. - -"What'll we do with the blob?" asked one. - -"Why," said the second, "you hit it on that end and I'll hit it on -this. We don't know which end is the head." - -"Let's try it for bait," said the third. "Catfish might go for it." - -"We could keep it alive till we're ready to use it. Then it would stay -fresh." - -"No, let's kill it. It doesn't look too fresh, even the way it is." - -"Gentlemen, you are making a mistake," I said. "I have done nothing -to merit death. And I am not without talent. Besides, you have not -considered the possibility that I may be forced to kill you three -instead. I will not die willingly. Also I will thank you to stop -pounding on me with those sticks. It hurts." - -I was surprised and shocked at the sound of my own voice. It nearly -as harsh as that of the grubs. But this was my first attempt at their -language, and musicality does not become it. - -"Hey, fellows, did you hear that? Was that the blob talking? Or was one -of you playing a joke? Harry? Stanley? Have you been practicing to be -ventriloquists?" - -"Not me." - -"Not me either. It sure sounded like it was it." - -"Hey, blob, was that you? Can you talk, blob?" - - * * * * * - -"Certainly I can talk," I responded. "I am not an infant. Nor am I a -blob. I am a creature superior to your own kind, if you are examples. -Or it may be that you are only children. Perhaps you are still in -the pupa stage. Tell me, is yours an early stage, or an arrested -development, or are you indeed adult?" - -"Hey, fellows, we don't have to take that from any blob. I'll cave in -its blasted head." - -"That's its tail." - -"It's its head. It's the end it talks with." - -"Gentlemen, perhaps I can set you straight," I said. "That is my tail -you are thwacking with that stick, and I am warning you to stop it. Of -course I was talking with my tail. I was only doing it in imitation of -you. I am new at the language and its manner of speaking. Yet it may -be that I have made a grotesque mistake. Is that your _heads_ that you -are waving in the air? Well, then, I will talk with my head, if that is -the custom. But I warn you again not to hit me on either end with those -sticks." - -"Hey, fellows, I bet we could sell that thing. I bet we could sell it -to Billy Wilkins for his Reptile Farm." - -"How would we get it there?" - -"Make it walk. Hey blob, can you walk?" - -"I can travel, certainly, but I would not stagger along precariously -on a pair of flesh stilts with my head in the air, as you do. When I -travel, I do not travel upside down." - -"Well, let's go, then. We're going to sell you to Billy Wilkins for his -Reptile Farm. If he can use a blob, he'll put you in one of the tanks -with the big turtles and alligators. You think you'll like them?" - -"I am lonesome in this lost world," I replied sadly, "and even the -company of you peeled grubs is better than nothing. I am anxious to -adopt a family and settle down here for what years of life I have left. -It may be that I will find compatibility with the species you mention. -I do not know what they are." - -"Hey, fellows, this blob isn't a bad guy at all. I'd shake your hand; -blob, if I knew where it was. Let's go to Billy Wilkins' place and sell -him." - - -II - -We traveled to Billy Wilkins' place. My friends were amazed when -I took to the air and believed that I had deserted them. They had -no cause to distrust me. Without them I would have had to rely on -intuition to reach Billy Wilkins, and even then I would lack the proper -introductions. - -"Hey, Billy," said my loudest friend, whose name was Cecil, "what will -you give us for a blob? It flies and talks and isn't a bad fellow at -all. You'd get more tourists to come to your reptile show if you had -a talking blob in it. He could sing songs and tell stories. I bet he -could even play the guitar." - -"Well, Cecil, I'll just give you all ten dollars for it and try to -figure out what it is later. I'm a little ahead on my hunches now, so I -can afford to gamble on this one. I can always pickle it and exhibit it -as a genuine hippopotamus kidney." - -"Thank you, Billy. Take care of yourself, blob." - -"Good-by for now, gentlemen," I said. "I would like you to visit me -some evening as soon as I am acclimated to my new surroundings. I will -throw a whing-ding for you--as soon as I find out what a whing-ding is." - -"My God," said Billy Wilkins, "it talks! It really talks!" - -"We told you it could talk and fly, Billy." - -"It talks, it talks," said Billy. "Where's that blasted sign painter? -Eustace, come here. We got to paint a new sign!" - -The turtles in the tank I was put into did have a sound basic -philosophy which was absent in the walking grubs. But they were slow -and lacking inner fire. They would not be obnoxious company, but -neither would they give me excitement and warmth. I was really more -interested in the walking grubs. - -Eustace was a black grub, while the others had all been white; but -like them he had no outside casing of his own, and like them he also -staggered about on flesh stilts with his head in the air. - -It wasn't that I was naive or hadn't seen bipeds before. But I don't -believe anyone ever became entirely accustomed to seeing a biped travel -in its peculiar manner. - -"Good afternoon, Eustace," I said pleasantly enough. The eyes of -Eustace were large and white. He was a more handsome specimen than the -other grubs. - -"That you talking, bub? Say, you really can talk, can't you? I thought -Mr. Billy was fooling. Now just you hold that expression a minute and -let me get it set in my mind. I can paint anything, once I get it set -in my mind. What's your name, blob? Have blobs names?" - -"Not in your manner. With us the name and the soul, I believe you call -it, are the same thing and cannot be vocalized, so I will have to adopt -a name of your sort. What would be a good name?" - -"Bub, I was always partial to George Albert Leroy Ellery. That was my -grandfather's name." - -"Should I also have a family name?" - -"Sure." - -"What would you suggest?" - -"How about McIntosh?" - -"That will be fine. I will use it." - - * * * * * - -I talked to the turtles while Eustace was painting my portrait on tent -canvas. - -"Is the name of this world Florida?" I asked one of them. "The road -signs said Florida." - -"World, world, world, water, water, water, glub, glug, glub," said one -of them. - -"Yes, but is this particular world we are on named Florida?" - -"World, world, water, water, glub," said another. - -"Eustace, I can get nothing from these fellows," I called. "Is this -world named Florida?" - -"Mr. George Albert, you are right in the middle of Florida, the -greatest state in the universe." - -"Having traveled, Eustace, I have great reservations that it is the -greatest. But it is my new home and I must cultivate a loyalty to it." - -I went up in a tree to give advice to two young birds trying to -construct a nest. This was obviously their first venture. - -"You are going about it all wrong," I told them. "First consider that -this will be your home, and then consider how you can make your home -most beautiful." - -"This is the way they've always built them," said one of the birds. - -"There must be an element of utility, yes," I told them. "But the -dominant motif should be beauty. The impression of expanded vistas can -be given by long low walls and parapets." - -"This is the way they've always built them," said the other bird. - -"Remember to embody new developments," I said. "Just say to yourself, -'This is the newest nest in the world.' Always say that about any task -you attempt. It inspires you." - -"This is the way they've always built them," said the birds. "Go build -your own nest." - -"Mr. George Albert," called Eustace, "Mr. Billy won't like your flying -around those trees. You're supposed to stay in your tank." - -"I was only getting a little air and talking to the birds," I said. - -"You can talk to the birds?" asked Eustace. - -"Cannot anyone?" - -"I can, a little," said Eustace. "I didn't know anyone else could." - -But when Billy Wilkins returned and heard the report that I had been -flying about, I was put in the snake house, in a cage that was tightly -meshed top and sides. My cellmate was a surly python named Pete. - -"See you stay on that side," said Pete. "You're too big for me to -swallow. But I might try." - -"There is something bothering you, Pete," I said. "You have a bad -disposition. That can come only from a bad digestion or a bad -conscience." - -"I have both," said Pete. "The first is because I bolt my food. The -second is because--well, I forget the reason, but it's my conscience." - -"Think hard, Pete. Why have you a bad conscience?" - -"Snakes always have bad consciences. We have forgotten the crime, but -we remember the guilt." - -"Perhaps you should seek advice from someone, Pete." - -"I kind of think it was someone's smooth advice that started us on all -this. He talked the legs right off us." - - * * * * * - -Billy Wilkins came to the cage with another "man," as the walking grubs -call themselves. - -"That it?" asked the other man. "And you say it can talk?" - -"Of course I talk," I answered for Billy Wilkins. "I have never known -a creature who couldn't talk in some manner. My name is George Albert -Leroy Ellery McIntosh. I don't believe that I heard yours, sir." - -"Bracken. Blackjack Bracken. I was telling Billy here that if he really -had a blob that could talk, I might be able to use it in my night -club. We could have you here at the Snake Ranch in the daytime for the -tourists and kids. Then I could have you at the club at night. We could -work out an act. Do you think you could learn to play the guitar?" - -"Probably. But it would be much easier for me merely to duplicate the -sound." - -"But then how could you sing and make guitar noise at the same time?" - -"You surely don't think I am limited to one voice box?" - -"Oh. I didn't know. What's that big metal ball you have there?" - -"That's my communication sphere, to record my thoughts. I would not -be without it. When in danger, I swallow it. When in extreme danger, -I will have to escape to a spot where I have concealed my ejection -mortar, and send my sphere into the galactic drift on a chance that it -may be found." - -"That's no kind of gag to put in an act. What I have in mind is -something like this." - -Blackjack Bracken told a joke. It was a childish one and in poor taste. - -"I don't believe that is quite my style," I said. - -"All right, what would you suggest?" - -"I thought that I might lecture your patrons on the Higher Ethic." - -"Look, George Albert, my patrons don't even have the lower ethic." - -"And just what sort of recompense are we talking about?" I asked. - -"Billy and I had about settled on a hundred and fifty a week." - -"A hundred and fifty for whom?" - -"Why, for Billy." - -"Let us make it a hundred and fifty for myself, and ten per cent for -Billy as my agent." - -"Say, this blob's real smart, isn't he, Billy?" - -"Too smart." - -"Yes, sir, George Albert, you're one smart blob. What kind of contract -have you signed with Billy here?" - -"No contract." - -"Just a gentlemen's agreement?" - -"No agreement." - -"Billy, you can't hold him in a cage without a contract. That's -slavery. It's against the law." - -"But, Blackjack, a blob isn't people." - -"Try proving that in court. Will you sign a contract with me, George -Albert?" - -"I will not dump Billy. He befriended me and gave me a home with the -turtles and snakes. I will sign a joint contract with the two of you. -We will discuss terms tomorrow--after I have estimated the attendance -both here and at the night club." - - -III - -Of the walking grubs (who call themselves "people") there are two -kinds, and they place great emphasis on the difference. From this stems -a large part of their difficulties. This distinction, which is one -of polarity, cuts quite across the years and ability and station of -life. It is not confined only to the people grubs, but also involves -apparently all the beings on the planet Florida. - -It appears that a person is committed to one or the other polarity -at the beginning of life, maintaining that polarity until death. The -interlocking attraction-repulsion complex set up by these two opposable -types has deep emotional involvements. It is the cause of considerable -concern and disturbance, as well as desire and inspiration. There is a -sort of poetic penumbra about the whole thing that tends to disguise -its basic simplicity, expressible as a simultaneous polarity equation. - -Complete segregation of the two types seems impossible. If it has ever -been tried, it has now evidently been abandoned as impractical. - -There is indeed an intangible difference between the two types, so that -before that first day at the Reptile Ranch was finished, I was able to -differentiate between the two more than ninety per cent of the time. -The knowledge of this difference in polarity seems to be intuitive. - -These two I will call the Beta and Gamma, or Boy and Girl, types. I -began to see that this opposability of the two types was one of the -great driving forces of the people. - -In the evening I was transported to the night club and I was a -success. I would not entertain them with blue jokes or blue lyrics, -but the patrons seemed fascinated by my simple imitations of all -the instruments of the orchestra and my singing of comic ballads -that Eustace had taught me in odd moments that day. They were also -interested in the way that I drank gin--that is, emptying the bottle -without breaking the seal. (It seems that the grub-people are unable to -absorb a liquid without making direct contact with it.) - -And I met Margaret, one of the "girl" singers. - -I had been wondering to which type of people I might show affinity. Now -I knew. I was definitely a Beta type, for I was attracted to Margaret, -who was unmistakably a Gamma. I began to understand the queer effect -that these types have on each other. - -She came over to my cage. - -"I want to rub your head for good luck before I go on," she said. - -"Thank you, Margaret," I replied, "but that is not my head." - -She sang with incomparable sadness, with all the sorrow and sordidness -that appear to be the lot of unfortunate Gammas. It was the essence of -melancholy made into music. It was a little bit like the ghost music on -the asteroid Artemis, a little like the death chants on Dolmena. Sex -and sorrow. Nostalgia. Regret. - -Her singing shook me with a yearning that had no precedent. - -She came back to my cage. - -"You were wonderful, Margaret," I said. - -"I'm always wonderful when I'm singing for my supper. I am less -wonderful in the rare times that I am well fed. But are you happy, -little buddy?" - -"I had become almost so, till I heard you sing. Now I am overcome with -sorrow and longing. Margaret, I am fascinated with you." - -"I go for you too, blob. You're my buddy. Isn't it funny that the only -buddy I have in the world is a blob? But if you'd seen some of the guys -I've been married to--boy! I wouldn't insult you by calling them blobs. -Have to go now. See you tomorrow night--if they keep us both on." - - * * * * * - -Now there was a problem to face. It was necessary that I establish -control over my environment, and at once. How else could I aspire to -Margaret? - -I knew that the heart of the entire place here was neither the bar nor -the entertainment therein, nor the cuisine, nor the dancing. The heart -of the enterprise was the Casino. Here was the money that mattered; the -rest was but garnish. - -I had them bring me into the gambling rooms. - -I had expected problems of complexity here with which the patrons -worked for their gain or loss. Instead there was an almost amazing -simplicity. All the games were based on first aspect numbers only. -Indeed, everything on the Planet Florida seemed based on first aspect -numbers. - -Now it is an elemental fact that first aspect numbers do not carry -within them their own prediction. Nor were the people even possessed -of the prediction key that lies over the very threshold of the second -aspect series. - -These people were actually wagering sums--the symbols of -prosperity--blindly, not knowing for sure whether they would win -or lose. They were selecting numbers by hunch or at random with no -assurance of profit. They were choosing a hole for a ball to fall into -without knowing whether that was the right hole! - -I do not believe that I was ever so amazed at anything in my life. - -But here was my opportunity to establish control over my environment. - -I began to play the games. - -Usually I would watch a round first, to be sure that I understood just -what was going on. Then I would play a few times ... as many as it took -to break the game. - -I broke game after game. When he could no longer pay me, Blackjack -closed the Casino in exasperation. - -Then we played poker, he and I and several others. This was even more -simple. I suddenly realized that the grub-people could see only one -side of the cards at a time. - -I played and I won. - -I owned the Casino now, and all of those people were now working for -me. Billy Wilkins also played with us, so that in short order I also -owned the Reptile Ranch. - -Before the evening was over, I owned a race track, a beach hotel, and a -theater in a place named New York. - -I had begun to establish control over my environment.... - - * * * * * - -Later. Now started the golden days. I increased my control and did what -I could for my friends. - -I got a good doctor for my old friend and roommate, Pete the python, -and he began receiving treatment for his indigestion. I got a jazzy -sports car for my friend Eustace imported from somewhere called Italy. -And I buried Margaret in mink, for she had a fix on the fur of that -mysterious animal. She enjoyed draping it about her in the form of -coats, capes, cloaks, mantles and stoles, though the weather didn't -really require it. - -I had now won several banks, a railroad, an airline, and a casino in -somewhere named Havana. - -"You're somebody now," said Margaret. "You really ought to dress -better. Or are you dressed? I never know. I don't know if part of that -is clothes or if all of it is you. But at least I've learned which is -your head. I think we should be married in May. It's so common to be -married in June. Just imagine me being Mrs. George Albert Leroy Ellery -McIntosh! You know, we have become quite an item. And do you know there -are three biographies of you out--_Burgeoning Blob_, _The Blob from Way -Out_, _The Hidden Hand Behind the Blob--What Does it Portend?_ And the -governor has invited us to dine tomorrow. I do wish you would learn -to eat. If you weren't so nice, you'd be creepy. I always say there's -nothing wrong with marrying a man, or a blob, with money. It shows -foresight on the part of a girl. You know you will have to get a blood -test? You had better get it tomorrow. You do have blood, don't you?" - -I did, but not, of course, of the color and viscosity of hers. But I -could give it that color and viscosity temporarily. And it would react -negative in all the tests. - -She mused, "They are all jealous of me. They say they wouldn't marry a -blob. They mean they couldn't.... Do you have to carry that tin ball -with you all the time?" - -"Yes. It is my communication sphere. In it I record my thoughts. I -would be lost without it." - -"Oh, like a diary. How quaint!" - -Yes, those were the golden days. The grubs appeared to me in a new -light, for was not Margaret also a grub? Yet she seemed not so -unfinished as the rest. Though lacking a natural outer casing, she had -not the appearance of crawling out from under a rock. She was quite an -attractive "girl." And she cared for me. - -What more could I wish? I was affluent. I was respected. I was in -control of my environment. And I could aid my friends, of whom I had -now acquired an astonishing number. - -Moreover, my old space-ineptitude sickness had left me. I never felt -better in my life. Ah, golden days, one after the other like a pleasant -dream. And soon I am to be married! - - -IV - -There has been a sudden change. As on the Planet Hecube, where full -summer turns into the dead of the winter in minutes, to the destruction -of many travelers, so was it here. My world is threatened! - -It is tottering, all that I have built up. I will fight. I will have -the best lawyers on the planet. I am not done. But I am threatened.... - -Later. This may be the end. The appeal court has given its decision. A -blob may not own property in Florida. A blob is not a person. - -Of course I am not a person. I never pretended to be. But I am a -_personage_! I will yet fight this thing.... - -Later. I have lost everything. The last appeal is gone. By definition, -I am an animal of indeterminate origin, and my property is being -completely stripped from me. - -I made an eloquent appeal and it moved them greatly. There were tears -in their eyes. But there was greed in the set of their mouths. They -have a vested interest in stripping me. Each will seize a little. - -And I am left a pauper, a vassal, an animal, a slave. This is always -the last doom of the marooned, to be a despised alien at the mercy of -a strange world. - -Yet it should not be hopeless. I will have Margaret. Since my contract -with Billy Wilkins and Blackjack Bracken, long since bought up, is -no longer in effect, Margaret should be able to handle my affairs -as a person. I believe that I have great earning powers yet, and I -can win as much as I wish by gambling. We will treat this as only a -technicality. We shall acquire new fortune. I will reestablish control -over my environment. I will bring back the golden days. A few of my old -friends are still loyal to me, Margaret, Pete the python, Eustace.... - -Later. The world has caved in completely. Margaret has thrown me over. - -"I'm sorry, blobby," she said, "but it just won't work. You're still -nice, but without money you are only a blob. How could I marry a blob?" - -"But we can earn more money! I am talented." - -"No, you're box-office poison now. You were a fad, and fads die -quickly." - -"But, Margaret, I can win as much as I wish by gambling." - -"Not a chance, blobby. Nobody will gamble with you any more. You're -through, blob. I will miss you, though. There will be a new blue note -in my ballads when I sing for my supper, after the mink coats are all -gone. 'By now." - -"Margaret, do not leave me! What of all our golden days together?" - -But all she said was "'By now." - -And she was gone forever. - - * * * * * - -I am desolate and my old space-ineptitude has returned. My recovery was -an illusion. I am so ill with awkwardness that I can no longer fly. I -must walk on the ground like one of the giant grubs. A curse on this -planet Florida and all its sister orbs! What a miserable world this is! - -How could I have been tricked by a young Gamma type of the walking -grub? Let her crawl back under her ancestral rocks with all the rest of -her kind.... No, no, I do not mean that. To me she will always remain a -dream, a broken dream. - -I am no longer welcome at the Casino. They kicked me down the front -steps. - -I no longer have a home at the Reptile Ranch. - -"Mr. George Albert," said Eustace, "I just can't afford to be seen with -you any more. I have my position to consider, with a sports car and all -that." - -And Pete the python was curt. - -"Well, big shot, I guess you aren't so big after all. And you were sure -no friend of mine. When you had that doctor cure me of my indigestion, -you left me with nothing but my bad conscience. I wish I could get my -indigestion back." - -"A curse on this world," I said. - -"World, world, water, water, glug, glug," said the turtles in their -tanks, my only friends. - -So I have gone back into the woods to die. I have located my ejection -mortar, and when I know that death is finally on me, I will fire off -my communication sphere and hope it will reach the galactic drift. -Whoever finds it--friend--space traveler--you who were too impatient to -remain on your own world--be you warned of this one! Here ingratitude -is the rule and cruelty the main sport. The unfinished grubs have come -out from under their rocks and they walk this world upside down with -their heads in the air. Their friendship is fleeting, their promises -are like the wind. - -I am near my end. - - - - - -End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of The Weirdest World, by R. A. 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