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+Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for
+eBook #51842 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/51842)
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-<pre>
-
-The Project Gutenberg EBook of Beyond Bedlam, by Wyman Guin
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
-almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
-re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
-with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license
-
-
-Title: Beyond Bedlam
-
-Author: Wyman Guin
-
-Release Date: April 23, 2016 [EBook #51842]
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: ASCII
-
-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BEYOND BEDLAM ***
-
-
-
-
-Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online
-Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
-
-
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-
-
-
-</pre>
-
-
-<div class="figcenter">
- <img src="images/cover.jpg" width="364" height="500" alt=""/>
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<div class="titlepage">
-<h1>BEYOND BEDLAM</h1>
-
-<p>By WYMAN GUIN</p>
-
-<p>Illustrated by DAVID STONE</p>
-
-<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br />
-Galaxy Science Fiction August 1951.<br />
-Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br />
-the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p>
-
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<div class="figcenter">
- <img src="images/illus1.jpg" width="398" height="500" alt=""/>
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p class="ph3">However fantastic it may seem, the society<br />
-so elaborately described in this story has<br />
-its seeds in ours. Just check the data....</p>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p>The opening afternoon class for Mary Walden's ego-shift was almost
-over, and Mary was practically certain the teacher would not call on
-her to recite her assignment, when Carl Blair got it into his mind to
-try to pass her a dirty note. Mary knew it would be a screamingly
-funny Ego-Shifting Room limerick and was about to reach for the note
-when Mrs. Harris's voice crackled through the room.</p>
-
-<p>"Carl Blair! I believe you have an important message. Surely you will
-want the whole class to hear it. Come forward, please."</p>
-
-<p>As he made his way before the class, the boy's blush-covered freckles
-reappeared against his growing pallor. Haltingly and in an agonized
-monotone, he recited from the note:</p>
-
-<div class="poetry">
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse">"There was a young hyper named Phil,</div>
- <div class="verse">Who kept a third head for a thrill.</div>
- <div class="verse">Said he, 'It's all right,</div>
- <div class="verse">I enjoy my plight.</div>
- <div class="verse">I shift my third out when it's chill.'"</div>
-</div></div>
-
-<p>The class didn't dare laugh. Their eyes burned down at their laps in
-shame. Mary managed to throw Carl Blair a compassionate glance as he
-returned to his seat, but she instantly regretted ever having been kind
-to him.</p>
-
-<p>"Mary Walden, you seemed uncommonly interested in reading something
-just now. Perhaps you wouldn't mind reading your assignment to the
-class."</p>
-
-<p>There it was, and just when the class was almost over. Mary could have
-scratched Carl Blair. She clutched her paper grimly and strode to the
-front.</p>
-
-<p>"Today's assignment in Pharmacy History is, 'Schizophrenia since the
-Ancient Pre-pharmacy days.'" Mary took enough breath to get into the
-first paragraph.</p>
-
-<p>"Schizophrenia is where two or more personalities live in the
-same brain. The ancients of the 20th Century actually looked upon
-schizophrenia as a disease! Everyone felt it was very shameful to have
-a schizophrenic person in the family, and, since children lived right
-with the same parents who had borne them, it was very bad. If you were
-a schizophrenic child in the 20th Century, you would be locked up
-behind bars and people would call you&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>Mary blushed and stumbled over the daring word&mdash;"crazy." "The ancients
-locked up strong ego groups right along with weak ones. Today we would
-lock up those ancient people."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The class agreed silently.</p>
-
-<p>"But there were more and more schizophrenics to lock up. By 1950 the
-<i>prisons</i> and hospitals were so full of schizophrenic people that
-the ancients did not have room left to lock up any more. They were
-beginning to see that soon everyone would be schizophrenic.</p>
-
-<p>"Of course, in the 20th Century, the schizophrenic people were almost
-as helpless and 'crazy' as the ancient Modern men. Naturally they did
-not fight wars and lead the silly life of the Moderns, but without
-proper drugs they couldn't control their Ego-shiftability. The
-personalities in a brain would always be fighting each other. One
-personality would cut the body or hurt it or make it filthy, so that
-when the other personality took over the body, it would have to suffer.
-No, the schizophrenic people of the 20th Century were almost as 'crazy'
-as the ancient Moderns.</p>
-
-<p>"But then the drugs were invented one by one and the schizophrenic
-people of the 20th Century were freed of their troubles. With the
-drugs the personalities of each body were able to live side by side in
-harmony at last. It turned out that many schizophrenic people, called
-overendowed personalities, simply had so many talents and viewpoints
-that it took two or more personalities to handle everything.</p>
-
-<p>"The drugs worked so well that the ancients had to let millions of
-schizophrenic people out from behind the bars of 'crazy' houses. That
-was the Great Emancipation of the 1990s. From then on, schizophrenic
-people had trouble only when they criminally didn't take their drugs.
-Usually, there are two egos in a schizophrenic person&mdash;the hyperalter,
-or prime ego, and the hypoalter, the alternate ego. There often were
-more than two, but the Medicorps makes us take our drugs so that won't
-happen to us.</p>
-
-<p>"At last someone realized that if everyone took the new drugs, the
-great wars would stop. At the World Congress of 1997, laws were passed
-to make everyone take the drugs. There were many fights over this
-because some people wanted to stay Modern and fight wars. The Medicorps
-was organized and told to kill anyone who wouldn't take their drugs as
-prescribed. Now the laws are enforced and everybody takes the drugs and
-the hyperalter and hypoalter are each allowed to have the body for an
-ego-shift of five days...."</p>
-
-<p>Mary Walden faltered. She looked up at the faces of her classmates,
-started to turn to Mrs. Harris and felt the sickness growing in her
-head. Six great waves of crescendo silence washed through her. The
-silence swept away everything but the terror, which stood in her frail
-body like a shrieking rock.</p>
-
-<p>Mary heard Mrs. Harris hurry to the shining dispensary along one
-wall of the classroom and return to stand before her with a swab of
-antiseptic and a disposable syringe.</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Harris helped her to a chair. A few minutes after the expert
-injection, Mary's mind struggled back from its core of silence.</p>
-
-<p>"Mary, dear, I'm sorry. I haven't been watching you closely enough."</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, Mrs. Harris...." Mary's chin trembled. "I hope it never happens
-again."</p>
-
-<p>"Now, child, we all have to go through these things when we're young.
-You're just a little slower than the others in acclimatizing to the
-drugs. You'll be fourteen soon and the medicop assures me you'll be
-over this sort of thing just as the others are."</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Harris dismissed the class and when they had all filed from the
-room, she turned to Mary.</p>
-
-<p>"I think, dear, we should visit the clinic together, don't you?"</p>
-
-<p>"Yes, Mrs. Harris." Mary was not frightened now. She was just ashamed
-to be such a difficult child and so slow to acclimatize to the drugs.</p>
-
-<p>As she and the teacher walked down the long corridor to the clinic,
-Mary made up her mind to tell the medicop what she thought was wrong.
-It was not herself. It was her hypoalter, that nasty little Susan
-Shorrs. Sometimes, when Susan had the body, the things Susan was doing
-and thinking came to Mary like what the ancients had called <i>dreams</i>,
-and Mary had never liked this secondary ego whom she could never really
-know. Whatever was wrong, it was Susan's doing. The filthy creature
-never took care of her hair, it was always so messy when Susan shifted
-the body to her.</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Harris waited while Mary went into the clinic.</p>
-
-<p>Mary was glad to find Captain Thiel, the nice medicop, on duty. But she
-was silent while the X-rays were being taken, and, of course, while he
-got the blood samples, she concentrated on being brave.</p>
-
-<p>Later, while Captain Thiel looked in her eyes with the bright little
-light, Mary said calmly, "Do you know my hypoalter, Susan Shorrs?"</p>
-
-<p>The medicop drew back and made some notes on a pad before answering.
-"Why, yes. She's in here quite often too."</p>
-
-<p>"Does she look like me?"</p>
-
-<p>"Not much. She's a very nice little girl...." He hesitated, visibly
-fumbling.</p>
-
-<p>Mary blurted, "Tell me truly, what's she like?"</p>
-
-<p>Captain Thiel gave her his nice smile. "Well, I'll tell you a secret if
-you keep it to yourself."</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, I promise."</p>
-
-<p>He leaned over and whispered in her ear and she liked the clean odor of
-him. "She's not nearly as pretty as you are."</p>
-
-<p>Mary wanted very badly to put her arms around him and hug him. Instead,
-wondering if Mrs. Harris, waiting outside, had heard, she drew back
-self-consciously and said, "Susan is the cause of all this trouble, the
-nasty little thing."</p>
-
-<p>"Oh now!" the medicop exclaimed. "I don't think so, Mary. She's in
-trouble, too, you know."</p>
-
-<p>"She still eats sauerkraut." Mary was defiant.</p>
-
-<p>"But what's wrong with that?"</p>
-
-<p>"You told her not to last year because it makes me sick on my shift.
-But it agrees in buckets with a little pig like her."</p>
-
-<p>The medicop took this seriously. He made a note on the pad. "Mary, you
-should have complained sooner."</p>
-
-<p>"Do you think my father might not like me because Susan Shorrs is my
-hypoalter?" she asked abruptly.</p>
-
-<p>"I hardly think so, Mary. After all, he doesn't even know her. He's
-never on her Ego shift."</p>
-
-<p>"A little bit," Mary said, and was immediately frightened.</p>
-
-<p>Captain Thiel glanced at her sharply. "What do you mean by that, child?"</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, nothing," Mary said hastily. "I just thought maybe he was."</p>
-
-<p>"Let me see your pharmacase," he said rather severely.</p>
-
-<p>Mary slipped the pharmacase off the belt at her waist and handed it
-to him. Captain Thiel extracted the prescription card from the back
-and threw it away. He slipped a new card in the taping machine on his
-desk and punched out a new prescription, which he reinserted in the
-pharmacase. In the space on the front, he wrote directions for Mary to
-take the drugs numbered from left to right.</p>
-
-<p>Mary watched his serious face and remembered that he had complimented
-her about being prettier than Susan. "Captain Thiel, is your hypoalter
-as handsome as you are?"</p>
-
-<p>The young medicop emptied the remains of the old prescription from the
-pharmacase and took it to the dispensary in the corner, where he slid
-it into the filling slot. He seemed unmoved by her question and simply
-muttered, "Much handsomer."</p>
-
-<p>The machine automatically filled the case from the punched card on its
-back and he returned it to Mary. "Are you taking your drugs exactly as
-prescribed? You know there are very strict laws about that, and as soon
-as you are fourteen, you will be held to them."</p>
-
-<p>Mary nodded solemnly. Great straitjackets, who didn't know there were
-laws about taking your drugs?</p>
-
-<p>There was a long pause and Mary knew she was supposed to leave. She
-wanted, though, to stay with Captain Thiel and talk with him. She
-wondered how it would be if he were appointed her father.</p>
-
-<p>Mary was not hurt that her shy compliment to him had gone unnoticed.
-She had only wanted something to talk about. Finally she said
-desperately, "Captain Thiel, how is it possible for a body to change as
-much from one Ego shift to another as it does between Susan and me?"</p>
-
-<p>"There isn't all the change you imagine," he said. "Have you had your
-first physiology?"</p>
-
-<p>"Yes. I was very good...." Mary saw from his smile that her inadvertent
-little conceit had trapped her.</p>
-
-<p>"Then, Miss Mary Walden, how do <i>you</i> think it is possible?"</p>
-
-<p>Why did teachers and medicops have to be this way? When all you wanted
-was to have them talk to you, they turned everything around and made
-you think.</p>
-
-<p>She quoted unhappily from her schoolbook, "The main things in an
-ego shift are the two vegetative nervous systems that translate the
-conditions of either personality to the blood and other organs right
-from the brain. The vegetative nervous systems change the rate at which
-the liver burns or stores sugar and the rate at which the kidneys
-excrete...."</p>
-
-<p>Through the closed door to the other room, Mrs. Harris's voice raised
-at the visiophone said distinctly, "<i>But, Mr. Walden....</i>"</p>
-
-<p>"Reabsorb," corrected Captain Thiel.</p>
-
-<p>"What?" She didn't know what to listen to&mdash;the medicop or the distant
-voice of Mrs. Harris.</p>
-
-<p>"It's better to think of the kidneys as reabsorbing salts and nutrients
-from the filtrated blood."</p>
-
-<p>"Oh."</p>
-
-<p>"<i>But, Mr. Walden, we can overdo a good thing. The proper amount of
-neglect is definitely required for full development of some personality
-types and Mary certainly is one of those....</i>"</p>
-
-<p>"What about the pituitary gland that's attached to the brain and
-controls all the other glands during the shift of egos?" pressed
-Captain Thiel distractingly.</p>
-
-<p>"<i>But, Mr. Walden, too much neglect at this critical point may cause
-another personality to split off and we can't have that. Adequate
-personalities are congenital. A new one now would only rob the present
-personalities. You are the appointed parent of this child and the Board
-of Education will enforce your compliance with our diagnosis....</i>"</p>
-
-<p>Mary's mind leaped to a page in one of her childhood storybooks. It
-was an illustration of a little girl resting beneath a great tree that
-overhung a brook. There were friendly little wild animals about. Mary
-could see the page clearly and she thought about it very hard instead
-of crying.</p>
-
-<p>"Aren't you interested any more, Mary?" Captain Thiel was looking at
-her strangely.</p>
-
-<p>The agitation in her voice was a surprise. "I have to get home. I have
-a lot of things to do."</p>
-
-<p>Outside, when Mrs. Harris seemed suddenly to realize that something was
-wrong, and delicately probed to find out whether her angry voice had
-been overheard, Mary said calmly and as if it didn't matter, "Was my
-father home when you called him before?"</p>
-
-<p>"Why&mdash;yes, Mary. But you mustn't pay any attention to conversations
-like that, darling."</p>
-
-<p><i>You can't force him to like me</i>, she thought to herself, and she was
-angry with Mrs. Harris because now her father would only dislike her
-more.</p>
-
-<p>Neither her father nor her mother was home when Mary walked into the
-evening-darkened apartment. It was the first day of the family shift,
-and on that day, for many periods now, they had not been home until
-late.</p>
-
-<p>Mary walked through the empty rooms, turning on lights. She passed
-up the electrically heated dinner her father had set out for her.
-Presently she found herself at the storage room door. She opened it
-slowly.</p>
-
-<p>After hesitating a while she went in and began an exhausting search for
-the old storybook with the picture in it.</p>
-
-<p>Finally she knew she could not find it. She stood in the middle of the
-junk-filled room and began to cry.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The day which ended for Mary Walden in lonely weeping should have been,
-for Conrad Manz, a pleasant rest day with an hour of rocket racing in
-the middle of it. Instead, he awakened with a shock to hear his wife
-actually <i>talking</i> while she was <i>asleep</i>.</p>
-
-<p>He stood over her bed and made certain that she was asleep. It was as
-though her mind thought it was somewhere else, doing something else.
-Vaguely he remembered that the ancients did something called <i>dreaming</i>
-while they slept and the thought made him shiver.</p>
-
-<p>Clara Manz was saying, "Oh, Bill, they'll catch us. We can't pretend
-any more unless we have drugs. Haven't we any drugs, Bill?"</p>
-
-<p>Then she was silent and lay still. Her breathing was shallow and even
-in the dawn light her cheeks were deeply flushed against the blonde
-hair.</p>
-
-<p>Having just awakened, Conrad was on a very low drug level and the
-incident was unpleasantly disturbing. He picked up his pharmacase
-from beside his bed and made his way to the bathroom. He took his
-hypothalamic block and the integration enzymes and returned to the
-bedroom. Clara was still sleeping.</p>
-
-<p>She had been behaving oddly for some time, but there had never been
-anything as disturbing as this. He felt that he should call a medicop,
-but, of course, he didn't want to do anything that extreme. It was
-probably something with a simple explanation. Clara was a little
-scatterbrained at times. Maybe she had forgotten to take her sleeping
-compound and that was what caused <i>dreaming</i>. The very word made his
-powerful body chill. But if she was neglecting to take any of her drugs
-and he called in a medicop, it would be serious.</p>
-
-<p>Conrad went into the library and found the <i>Family Pharmacy</i>. He
-switched on a light in the dawn-shrunken room and let his heavy
-frame into a chair. <i>A Guide to Better Understanding of your Family
-Prescriptions. Official Edition, 2831.</i> The book was mostly Medicorps
-propaganda and almost never gave a practical suggestion. If something
-went wrong, you called a medicop.</p>
-
-<p>Conrad hunted through the book for the section on sleeping compound. It
-was funny, too, about that name Bill. Conrad went over all the men of
-their acquaintance with whom Clara had occasional affairs or with whom
-she was friendly and he couldn't remember a single Bill. In fact, the
-only man with that name whom he could think of was his own hyperalter,
-Bill Walden. But that was naturally impossible.</p>
-
-<p>Maybe dreaming was always about imaginary people.</p>
-
-<div class="blockquot">
-<p>SLEEPING COMPOUND: An official mixture of soporific and
-hypnotic alkaloids and synthetics. A critical drug; an essential
-feature in every prescription. Slight deviations in following
-prescription are unallowable because of the subtle manner in which
-behavior may be altered over months or years. The first sleeping
-compound was announced by Thomas Marshall in 1986. The formula has
-been modified only twice since then.</p></div>
-
-<p>There followed a tightly packed description of the chemistry and
-pharmacology of the various ingredients. Conrad skipped through this.</p>
-
-<div class="blockquot">
-<p>The importance of Sleeping Compound in the life of every individual
-and to society is best appreciated when we recall Marshall's words
-announcing its initial development:</p>
-
-<p>"It is during so-called <i>normal</i> sleep that the vicious unconscious
-mind responsible for wars and other symptoms of unhappiness develops
-its resources and its hold on our conscious lives.</p>
-
-<p>"In this <i>normal</i> sleep the critical faculties of the cortex are
-paralyzed. Meanwhile, the infantile unconscious mind expands
-misinterpreted experience into the toxic patterns of neurosis and
-psychosis. The conscious mind takes over at morning, unaware that
-these infantile motivations have been cleverly woven into its very
-structure.</p>
-
-<p>"Sleeping Compound will stop this. There is no unconscious activity
-after taking this harmless drug. We believe the Medicorps should at
-once initiate measures to acclimatize every child to its use. In these
-children, as the years go by, infantile patterns unable to work during
-sleep will fight a losing battle during waking hours with conscious
-patterns accumulating in the direction of adulthood."</p></div>
-
-<p>That was all there was&mdash;mostly the Medicorps patting its own back for
-saving humanity. But if you were in trouble and called a medicop, you'd
-risk getting into real trouble.</p>
-
-<p>Conrad became aware of Clara standing in the doorway. The flush of
-her disturbed emotions and the pallor of her fatigue mixed in ragged
-banners on her cheeks.</p>
-
-<p>Conrad waved the <i>Family Pharmacy</i> with a foolish gesture of
-embarrassment.</p>
-
-<p>"Young lady, have you been neglecting to take your sleeping compound?"</p>
-
-<p>Clara turned utterly pale. "I&mdash;I don't understand."</p>
-
-<p>"You were talking in your sleep."</p>
-
-<p>"I&mdash;was?"</p>
-
-<p>She came forward so unsteadily that he helped her to a seat. She stared
-at him. He asked jovially, "Who is this 'Bill' you were so desperately
-involved with? Have you been having an affair I don't know about?
-Aren't my friends good enough for you?"</p>
-
-<p>The result of this banter was that she alarmingly began to cry,
-clutching her robe about her and dropping her blonde head on her knees
-and sobbing.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Children cried before they were acclimatized to the drugs, but Conrad
-Manz had never in his life seen an adult cry. Though he had taken his
-morning drugs and certain disrupting emotions were already impossible,
-nevertheless this sight was completely unnerving.</p>
-
-<p>In gasps between her sobs, Clara was saying, "Oh, I can't go back to
-taking them? But I can't keep this up! I just can't!"</p>
-
-<p>"Clara, darling, I don't know what to say or do. I think we ought to
-call the Medicorps."</p>
-
-<p>Intensely frightened, she rose and clung to him, begging, "Oh, no,
-Conrad, that isn't necessary! It isn't necessary at all. I've only
-neglected to take my sleeping compound and it won't happen again. All
-I need is a sleeping compound. Please get my pharmacase for me and it
-will be all right."</p>
-
-<p>She was so desperate to convince him that Conrad got the pharmacase and
-a glass of water for her only to appease the white face of fright.</p>
-
-<p>Within a few minutes of taking the sleeping compound, she was calm. As
-he put her back to bed, she laughed with a lazy indolence.</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, Conrad, you take it so seriously. I only needed a sleeping
-compound very badly and now I feel fine. I'll sleep all day. It's a
-rest day, isn't it? Now go race a rocket and stop worrying and thinking
-about calling the medicops."</p>
-
-<p>But Conrad did not go rocket racing as he had planned. Clara had been
-asleep only a few minutes when there was a call on the visiophone; they
-wanted him at the office. The city of Santa Fe would be completely out
-of balance within twelve shifts if revised plans were not put into
-operation immediately. They were to start during the next five days
-while he would be out of shift. In order to carry on the first day of
-their next shift, he and the other three traffic managers he worked
-with would have to come down today and familiarize themselves with the
-new operations.</p>
-
-<p>There was no getting out of it. His rest day was spoiled. Conrad
-resented it all the more because Santa Fe was clear out on the edge of
-their traffic district and could have been revised out of the Mexican
-offices just as well. But those boys down there rested all five days of
-their shift.</p>
-
-<p>Conrad looked in on Clara before he left and found her asleep in the
-total suspension of proper drug level. The unpleasant memory of her
-behavior made him squirm, but now that the episode was over, it no
-longer worried him. It was typical of him that, things having been set
-straight in the proper manner, he did not think of her again until late
-in the afternoon.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>As early as 1950, the pioneer communications engineer Norbert
-Wiener had pointed out that there might be a close parallel between
-disassociation of personalities and the disruption of a communication
-system. Wiener referred back specifically to the first clear
-description, by Morton Prince, of multiple personalities existing,
-together in the same human body. Prince had described only individual
-cases and his observations were not altogether acceptable in Wiener's
-time. Nevertheless, in the schizophrenic society of the 29th Century,
-a major managerial problem was that of balancing the communicating and
-non-communicating populations in a city.</p>
-
-<p>As far as Conrad and the other traffic men present at the conference
-were concerned, Santa Fe was a resort and retirement area of 100,000
-human bodies, alive and consuming more than they produced every
-day of the year. Whatever the representatives of the Medicorps and
-Communications Board worked out, it would mean only slight changes in
-the types of foodstuffs, entertainment and so forth moving into Santa
-Fe, and Conrad could have grasped the entire traffic change in ten
-minutes after the real problem had been settled. But, as usual, he and
-the other traffic men had to sit through two hours while small wheels
-from the Medicorps and Communications acted big about rebalancing a
-city.</p>
-
-<p>For them, Conrad had to admit, Santa Fe was a great deal more complex
-than 100,000 consuming, moderately producing human bodies. It was
-200,000 human personalities, two to each body. Conrad wondered
-sometimes what they would have done if the three and four personality
-cases so common back in the 20th and 21st Centuries had been allowed to
-reproduce. The 200,000 personalities in Santa Fe were difficult enough.</p>
-
-<p>Like all cities, Santa Fe operated in five shifts, A, B, C, D, and E.</p>
-
-<p>Just as it was supposed to be for Conrad in his city, today was rest
-day for the 20,000 hypoalters on D-shift in Santa Fe. Tonight at around
-6:00 P.M. they would all go to shifting rooms and be replaced by their
-hyperalters, who had different tastes in food and pleasure and took
-different drugs.</p>
-
-<p>Tomorrow would be rest day for the hyperalters on E-shift and in the
-evening they would turn things over to their hyperalters.</p>
-
-<p>The next day it would be rest for the A-shift hyperalters and three
-days after that the D-shift hyperalters, including Bill Walden, would
-rest till evening, when Conrad and the D-shift hypoalters everywhere
-would again have their five day use of their bodies.</p>
-
-<p>Right now the trouble with Santa Fe's retired population, which worked
-only for its own maintenance, was that too many elderly people on the
-D-shift and E-shift had been dying off. This point was brought out by a
-dapper young department head from Communications.</p>
-
-<p>Conrad groaned when, as he knew would happen, a Medicorps officer
-promptly set out on an exhaustive demonstration that Medicorps
-predictions of deaths for Santa Fe had indicated clearly that
-Communications should have been moving people from D-shift and E-shift
-into the area.</p>
-
-<p>Actually, it appeared that someone from Communications had blundered
-and had overloaded the quota of people on A-shift and B-shift moving
-to Santa Fe. Thus on one rest day there weren't enough people working
-to keep things going, and later in the week there were so many
-available workers that they were clogging the city.</p>
-
-<p>None of this was heated exchange or in any way emotional. It was just
-interminably, exhaustively logical and boring. Conrad fidgeted through
-two hours of it, seeing his chance for a rocket race dissolving. When
-at last the problem of balanced shift-populations for Santa Fe was
-worked out, it took him and the other traffic men only a few minutes
-to apply their tables and reschedule traffic to coordinate with the
-population changes.</p>
-
-<p>Disgusted, Conrad walked over to the Tennis Club and had lunch.</p>
-
-<p>There were still two hours of his rest day left when Conrad Manz
-realized that Bill Walden was again forcing an early shift. Conrad
-was in the middle of a volley-tennis game and he didn't like having
-the shift forced so soon. People generally shifted at their appointed
-regular hour every five days, and a hyperalter was not supposed to use
-his power to force shift. It was such an unthinkable thing nowadays
-that there was occasional talk of abolishing the terms hyperalter and
-hypoalter because they were somewhat disparaging to the hypoalter, and
-really designated only the antisocial power of the hyperalter to force
-the shift.</p>
-
-<p>Bill Walden had been cheating two to four hours on Conrad every
-shift for several periods back. Conrad could have reported it to the
-Medicorps, but he himself was guilty of a constant misdemeanor about
-which Bill had not yet complained. Unlike the sedentary Walden, Conrad
-Manz enjoyed exercise. He overindulged in violent sports and put off
-sleep, letting Bill Walden make up the fatigue on his shift. That was
-undoubtedly why the poor old sucker had started cheating a few hours on
-Conrad's rest day.</p>
-
-<p>Conrad laughed to himself, remembering the time Bill Walden had
-registered a long list of sports which he wished Conrad to be
-restrained from&mdash;rocket racing, deepsea exploration, jet-skiing. It
-had only given Conrad some ideas he hadn't had before. The Medicorps
-had refused to enforce the list on the basis that danger and violent
-exercise were a necessary outlet for Conrad's constitution. Then poor
-old Bill had written Conrad a note threatening to sue him for any
-injury resulting from such sports. As if he had a chance against the
-Medicorps ruling!</p>
-
-<p>Conrad knew it was no use trying to finish the volley-tennis game. He
-lost interest and couldn't concentrate on what he was doing when Bill
-started forcing the shift. Conrad shot the ball back at his opponent in
-a blistering curve impossible to intercept.</p>
-
-<p>"So long," he yelled at the man. "I've got some things to do before my
-shift ends."</p>
-
-<p>He lounged into the locker rooms and showered, put his clothes and
-belongings, including his pharmacase, in a shipping carton, addressed
-them to his own home and dropped them in the mail chute.</p>
-
-<p>He stepped with languid nakedness across the hall, pressed his
-identifying wristband to a lock-face and dialed his clothing sizes.</p>
-
-<p>In this way he procured a neatly wrapped, clean shifting costume from
-the slot. He put it on without bothering to return to his shower room.</p>
-
-<p>He shouted a loud good-bye to no one in particular among the several
-men and women in the baths and stepped out onto the street.</p>
-
-<p>Conrad felt too good even to be sorry that his shift was over. After
-all, nothing happened except you came to, five days later, on your
-next shift. The important thing was the rest day. He had always said
-the last day of the shift should be a work day; then you would be glad
-it was over. He guessed the idea was to rest the body before another
-personality took over. Well, poor old Bill Walden never got a rested
-body. He probably slept off the first twelve hours.</p>
-
-<p>Walking unhurriedly through the street crowds, Conrad entered a public
-shifting station and found an empty room. As he started to open the
-door, a girl came out of the adjoining booth and Conrad hastily averted
-his glance. She was still rearranging her hair. There were so many rude
-people nowadays who didn't seem to care at all about the etiquette of
-shifting, women particularly. They were always redoing their hair or
-makeup where a person couldn't help seeing them.</p>
-
-<p>Conrad pressed his identifying wristband to the lock and entered the
-booth he had picked. The act automatically sent the time and his shift
-number to Medicorps Headquarters.</p>
-
-<p>Once inside the shifting room, Conrad went to the lavatory and turned
-on the faucet of makeup solvent. In spite of losing two hours of his
-rest day, he decided to be decent to old Bill, though he was half
-tempted to leave his makeup on. It was a pretty foul joke, of course,
-especially on a humorless fellow like poor Walden.</p>
-
-<p>Conrad creamed his face thoroughly and then washed in water and
-used the automatic dryer. He looked at his strong-lined features in
-the mirror. They displayed a less distinct expression of his own
-personality with the makeup gone.</p>
-
-<p>He turned away from the mirror and it was only then that he remembered
-he hadn't spoken to his wife before shifting. Well, he couldn't
-decently call up and let her see him without makeup.</p>
-
-<p>He stepped across to the visiophone and set the machine to deliver
-his spoken message in type: "Hello, Clara. Sorry I forgot to call you
-before. Bill Walden is forcing me to shift early again. I hope you're
-not still upset about that business this morning. Be a good girl and
-smile at me on the next shift. I love you. Conrad."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>For a moment, when the shift came, the body of Conrad Manz stood
-moronically uninhabited. Then, rapidly, out of the gyri of its brain,
-the personality of Bill Walden emerged, replacing the slackly powerful
-attitude of Conrad by the slightly prim preciseness of Bill's bearing.</p>
-
-<p>The face, just now relaxed with readiness for action, was abruptly
-pulled into an intellectualized mask of tension by habitual patterns of
-conflict in the muscles. There were also acute momentary signs of clash
-between the vegetative nervous activity characteristic of Bill Walden
-and the internal homeostasis Conrad Manz had left behind him. The face
-paled as hypersensitive vascular beds closed down under new vegetative
-volleys.</p>
-
-<p>Bill Walden grasped sight and sound, and the sharp odor of makeup
-solvent stung his nostrils. He was conscious of only one clamoring,
-terrifying thought: <i>They will catch us. It cannot go on much longer
-without Helen guessing about Clara. She is already angry about Clara
-delaying the shift, and if she learns from Mary that I am cheating on
-Conrad's shift.... Any time now, perhaps this time, when the shift is
-over, I will be looking into the face of a medicop who is pulling a
-needle from my arm, and then it'll all be over.</i></p>
-
-<p>So far, at least, there was no medicop. Still feeling unreal but
-anxious not to lose precious moments, Bill took an individualized kit
-from the wall dispenser and made himself up. He was sparing and subtle
-in his use of the makeup, unlike the horrible makeup jobs Conrad Manz
-occasionally left on. Bill rearranged his hair. Conrad always wore it
-too short for his taste, but you couldn't complain about everything.</p>
-
-<p>Bill sat in a chair to await some of the slower aspects of the shift.
-He knew that an hour after he left the booth, his basal metabolic rate
-would be ten points higher. His blood sugar would go down steadily.
-In the next five days he would lose six to eight pounds, which Conrad
-later would promptly regain.</p>
-
-<p>Just as Bill was about to leave the booth, he remembered to pick up
-a news summary. He put his wristband to the switch on the telephoto
-and a freshly printed summary of the last five days in the world fell
-into the rack. His wristband, of course, called forth one edited for
-hyperalters on the D-shift.</p>
-
-<p>It did not mention by name any hypoalter on the D-shift. Should one
-of them have done something that it was necessary for Bill or other
-D-shift hyperalters to know about, it would appear in news summaries
-called forth by their wristbands&mdash;but told in such fashion that the
-personality involved seemed namelessly incidental, while names and
-pictures of hyperalters and hypoalters on any of the other four
-shifts naturally were freely used. The purpose was to keep Conrad
-Manz and all other hypoalters on the D-shift, one-tenth of the total
-population, non-existent as far as their hyperalters were concerned.
-This convention made it necessary for photoprint summaries to be on
-light-sensitive paper that blackened illegibly before six hours were
-up, so that a man might never stumble on news about his hypoalter.</p>
-
-<p>Bill did not even glance at the news summary. He had picked it up only
-for appearances. The summaries were essential if you were going to
-start where you left off on your last shift and have any knowledge of
-the five intervening days. A man just didn't walk out of a shifting
-room without one. It was failure to do little things like that that
-would start them wondering about him.</p>
-
-<p>Bill opened the door of the booth by applying his wristband to the lock
-and stepped out into the street.</p>
-
-<p>Late afternoon crowds pressed about him. Across the boulevard, a
-helicopter landing swarmed with clouds of rising commuters. Bill had
-some trouble figuring out the part of the city Conrad had left him
-in and walked two blocks before he understood where he was. Then he
-got into an idle two-place cab, started the motor with his wristband
-and hurried the little three-wheeler recklessly through the traffic.
-Clara was probably already waiting and he first had to go home and get
-dressed.</p>
-
-<p>The thought of Clara waiting for him in the park near her home was a
-sharp reminder of his strange situation. He was in a left you with
-shame, and a fear that the other fellow would tell people you seemed to
-have a pathological interest in your alter and must need a change in
-your prescription.</p>
-
-<p>But the most flagrant abuser of such morbid little exchanges would have
-been horrified to learn that right here, in the middle of the daylight
-traffic, was a man who was using his antisocial shifting power to meet
-in secret the wife of his own hypoalter!</p>
-
-<p>Bill did not have to wonder what the Medicorps would think. Relations
-between hyperalters world was literally not supposed to exist for
-him, for it was the world of his own hypoalter, Conrad Manz.</p>
-
-<p>Undoubtedly, there were people in the traffic up ahead who knew both
-him and Conrad, people from the other shifts who never mentioned the
-one to the other except in those guarded, snickering little confidences
-they couldn't resist telling and you couldn't resist listening to.
-After all, the most important person in the world was your alter. If he
-got sick, injured or killed, so would you.</p>
-
-<p>Thus, in moments of intimacy or joviality, an undercover exchange went
-on ... <i>I'll tell you about your hyperalter if you'll tell me about
-my hypoalter.</i> It was orthodox bad manners that and hypoalters of
-opposite sex were punishable&mdash;drastically punishable.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>When he arrived at the apartment, Bill remembered to order a dinner for
-his daughter Mary. His order, dialed from the day's menu, was delivered
-to the apartment pneumatically and he set it out over electric warmers.
-He wanted to write a note to the child, but he started two and threw
-both in the basket. He couldn't think of anything to say to her.</p>
-
-<p>Staring at the lonely table he was leaving for Mary, Bill felt his
-guilt overwhelming him. He could stop the behavior which led to
-the guilt by taking his drugs as prescribed. They would return him
-immediately to the sane and ordered conformity of the world. He would
-no longer have to carry the fear that the Medicorps would discover he
-was not taking his drugs. He would no longer neglect his appointed
-child. He would no longer endanger the very life of Conrad's wife Clara
-and, of course, his own.</p>
-
-<p>When you took your drugs as prescribed, it was impossible to experience
-such ancient and primitive emotions as guilt. Even should you
-miscalculate and do something wrong, the drugs would not allow any
-such emotional reaction. To be free to experience his guilt over the
-lonely child who needed him was, for these reasons, a precious thing
-to Bill. In all the world, this night, he was undoubtedly the only man
-who could and did feel one of the ancient emotions. People felt shame,
-not guilt; conceit, not pride; pleasure, not desire. Now that he had
-stopped taking his drugs as prescribed, Bill realized that the drugs
-allowed only an impoverished segment of a vivid emotional spectrum.</p>
-
-<p>But however exciting it was to live them, the ancient emotions did not
-seem to act as deterrents to bad behavior. Bill's sense of guilt did
-not keep him from continuing to neglect Mary. His fear of being caught
-did not restrain him from breaking every rule of inter-alter law and
-loving Clara, his own hypoalter's wife.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Bill got dressed as rapidly as possible. He tossed the discarded
-shifting costume into the return chute. He retouched his makeup, trying
-to eliminate some of the heavy, inexpressive planes of muscularity
-which were more typical of Conrad than of himself.</p>
-
-<p>The act reminded him of the shame which his wife Helen had felt when
-she learned, a few years ago, that her own hypoalter, Clara, and his
-hypoalter, Conrad, had obtained from the Medicorps a special release
-to marry. Such rare marriages in which the same bodies lived together
-on both halves of a shift were something to snicker about. They verged
-on the antisocial, but could be arranged if the batteries of Medicorps
-tests could be satisfied.</p>
-
-<p>Perhaps it had been the very intensity of Helen's shame on learning
-of this marriage, the nauseous display of conformity so typical of
-his wife, that had first given Bill the idea of seeking out Clara,
-who had dared convention to make such a peculiar marriage. Over the
-years, Helen had continued blaming all their troubles on the fact that
-both egos of himself were living with, and intimate with, both egos of
-herself.</p>
-
-<p>So Bill had started cutting down on his drugs, the curiosity having
-become an obsession. What was this other part of Helen like, this
-Clara who was unconventional enough to want to marry only Bill's own
-hypoalter, in spite of almost certain public shame?</p>
-
-<p>He had first seen Clara's face when it formed on a visiophone, the
-first time he had forced Conrad to shift prematurely. It was softer
-than Helen's. The delicate contours were less purposefully, set, gayer.</p>
-
-<p>"Clara Manz?" Bill had sat there staring at the visiophone for several
-seconds, unable to continue. His great fear that she would immediately
-report him must have been naked on his face.</p>
-
-<p>He had watched an impish suspicion grow in the tender curve of her lips
-and her oblique glance from the visiophone. She did not speak.</p>
-
-<p>"Mrs. Manz," he finally said, "I would like to meet you in the park
-across from your home."</p>
-
-<p>To this awkward opening he owed the first time he had heard Clara
-laugh. Her warm, clear laughter, teasing him, tumbled forth like a
-cloud of gay butterflies.</p>
-
-<p>"Are you afraid to see me here at home because my husband might <i>walk
-in on us</i>?"</p>
-
-<p>Bill had been put completely at ease by this bantering indication that
-Clara knew who he was and welcomed him as an intriguing diversion.
-Quite literally, the one person who could not <i>walk in on them</i>, as the
-ancients thought of it, was his own hypoalter, Conrad Manz.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Bill finished retouching his makeup and hurried to leave the apartment.
-But this time, as he passed the table where Mary's dinner was set out,
-he decided to write a few words to the child, no matter how empty they
-sounded to himself. The note he left explained that he had some early
-work to do at the microfilm library where he worked.</p>
-
-<p>Just as Bill was leaving the apartment, the visiophone buzzed. In his
-hurry Bill flipped the switch before he thought. Too late, his hand
-froze and the implications of this call, an hour before anyone would
-normally be home, shot a shaft of terror through him.</p>
-
-<p>But it was not the image of a medicop that formed on the screen. The
-woman introduced herself as Mrs. Harris, one of Mary's teachers.</p>
-
-<p>It was strange that she should have thought he might be home. The
-shift for children was half a day earlier than that for adults, so
-the parents could have half their rest day free. This afternoon would
-be for Mary the first classes of her shift, but the teacher must have
-guessed something was wrong with the shifting schedules in Mary's
-family. Or had the child told her?</p>
-
-<p>Mrs. Harris explained rather dramatically that Mary was being
-neglected. What could he say; to her? That he was a criminal breaking
-drug regulations in the most flagrant manner? That nothing, not even
-the child appointed to him, meant more to him than his wife's own
-hypoalter? Bill finally ended the hopeless and possibly dangerous
-conversation by turning off the receiver and leaving the apartment.</p>
-
-<p>Bill realized that now, for both him and Clara, the greatest joy had
-been those first few times together. The enormous threat of a Medicorps
-retaliation took the pleasure from their contact and they came together
-desperately because, having tasted this fantastic non-conformity and
-the new undrugged intimacy, there was no other way for them. Even now
-as he drove through the traffic toward where she would be waiting, he
-was not so much concerned with meeting Clara in their fear-poisoned
-present as with the vivid, aching remembrance of what those meetings
-once had really been like.</p>
-
-<p>He recalled an evening they had spent lying on the summer lawn of the
-park, looking out at the haze-dimmed stars. It had been shortly after
-Clara joined him in cutting down on the drugs, and the clear memory of
-their quiet laughter so captured his mind now that Bill almost tangled
-his car in the traffic.</p>
-
-<p>In memory he kissed her again and, as it had then, the newly cut grass
-mixed with the exciting fragrance of her skin. After the kiss they
-continued a mock discussion of the ancient word "sin." Bill pretended
-to be trying to explain the meaning of the word to her, sometimes with
-definitions that kept them laughing and sometimes with demonstrational
-kisses that stopped their laughter.</p>
-
-<p>He could remember Clara's face turned to him in the evening light
-with an outrageous parody of interest. He could hear himself saying,
-"You see, the ancients would say we are not <i>sinning</i> because they
-would disagree with the medicops that you and Helen are two completely
-different people, or that Conrad and I are not the same person."</p>
-
-<p>Clara kissed him with an air of tentative experimentation. "Mmm, no. I
-can't say I care for that interpretation."</p>
-
-<p>"You'd rather be sinning?"</p>
-
-<p>"Definitely."</p>
-
-<p>"Well, if the ancients did agree with the medicops that we are
-distinct from our alters, Helen and Conrad, then they would say we are
-sinning&mdash;but not for the same reasons the Medicorps would give."</p>
-
-<p>"That," asserted Clara, "is where I get lost. If this sinning business
-is going to be worth anything at all, it has to be something you can
-identify."</p>
-
-<p>Bill cut his car out of the main stream of traffic and toward the park,
-without interrupting his memory.</p>
-
-<p>"Well, darling, I don't want to confuse you, but the medicops would
-say we are sinning only because you are my wife's hypoalter, and I am
-your husband's hyperalter&mdash;in other words, for the very reason the
-ancients would say we are <i>not</i> sinning. Furthermore, if either of us
-were with anyone else, the medicops would think it was perfectly all
-right, and so would Conrad and Helen. Provided, of course, I took a
-hyperalter and you took a hypoalter only."</p>
-
-<p>"Of course," Clara said, and Bill hurried over the gloomy fact.</p>
-
-<p>"The ancients, on the other hand, would say we are sinning because we
-are making love to someone we are not married to."</p>
-
-<p>"But what's the matter with that? Everybody does it."</p>
-
-<p>"The ancient Moderns didn't. Or, that is, they often did, but...."</p>
-
-<p>Clara brought her full lips hungrily to his. "Darling, I think the
-ancient Moderns had the right idea, though I don't see how they ever
-arrived at it."</p>
-
-<p>Bill grinned. "It was just an invention of theirs, along with the wheel
-and atomic energy."</p>
-
-<p>That evening was long gone by as Bill stopped the little taxi beside
-the park and left it there for the next user. He walked across the
-lawns toward the statue where he and Clara always met. The very thought
-of entering one's own hypoalter's house was so unnerving that Bill
-brought himself to do it only by first meeting Clara near the statue.
-As he walked between the trees, Bill could not again capture the spirit
-of that evening he had been remembering. The Medicorps was too close.
-It was impossible to laugh that way now.</p>
-
-<p>Bill arrived at the statue, but Clara was not there. He waited
-impatiently while a livid sunset coagulated between the branches of the
-great trees. Clara should have been there first. It was easier for her,
-because she was leaving her shift, and without doing it prematurely.</p>
-
-<p>The park was like a quiet backwater in the eddying rush of the evening
-city. Bill felt conspicuous and vulnerable in the gloaming light. Above
-all, he felt a new loneliness, and he knew that now Clara felt it, too.
-They needed each other as each had been, before fear had bleached their
-feeling to white bones of desperation.</p>
-
-<p>They were not taking their drugs as prescribed, and for that they would
-be horribly punished. That was the only unforgivable <i>sin</i> in their
-world. By committing it, he and Clara had found out what life could be,
-in the same act that would surely take life from them. Their powerful
-emotions they had found in abundance simply by refusing to take the
-drugs, and by being together briefly each fifth day in a dangerous
-breach of all convention. The closer their discovery and the greater
-their terror, the more desperately they needed even their terror, and
-the more impossible became the delight of their first meetings.</p>
-
-<p>Telegraphing bright beads of sound, a night bird skimmed the sunset
-lawns to the looming statue and skewed around its monolithic base. The
-bird's piping doubled and then choked off as it veered frantically from
-Bill. After a while, far off through the park, it released a fading
-protest of song.</p>
-
-<p>Above Bill, the towering statue of the great Alfred Morris blackened
-against the sunset. The hollowed granite eyes bore down on him out
-of an undecipherable dark ... the ancient, implacable face of the
-Medicorps. As if to pronounce a sentence on his present crimes by a
-magical disclosure of the weight of centuries, a pool of sulfurous
-light and leaf shadows danced on the painted plaque at the base of the
-statue.</p>
-
-<div class="blockquot">
-<p>On this spot in the Gregorian year 1996, Alfred Morris announced to
-an assembly of war survivors the hypothalamic block. His stirring
-words were, "This new drug selectively halts at the thalamic brain
-the upward flow of unconscious stimuli and the downward flow of
-unconscious motivations. It acts as a screen between the cerebrum and
-the psychosomatic discharge system. Using hypothalamic block, we will
-not act emotively, we will initiate acts only from the logical demands
-of situations."</p>
-
-<p>This announcement and the subsequent wholehearted action of the
-war-weary people made the taking of hypothalamic block obligatory.
-This put an end to the powerful play of unconscious mind in the public
-and private affairs of the ancient world. It ended the great paranoid
-wars and saved mankind.</p></div>
-
-<p>In the strange evening light, the letters seemed alive, a centuries-old
-condemnation of any who might try to go back to the ancient
-pre-pharmacy days. Of course, it was not really possible to go back.
-Without drugs, everybody and all society would fall apart.</p>
-
-<p>The ancients had first learned to keep endocrine deviates such as the
-diabetic alive with drugs. Later they learned with other drugs to
-"cure" the far more prevalent disease, schizophrenia, that was jamming
-their hospitals. The big change came when the ancients used these same
-drugs on everyone to control the private and public irrationality of
-their time and stop the wars.</p>
-
-<p>In this new, drugged world, the schizophrene thrived better than any,
-and the world became patterned on him. But, just as the diabetic was
-still diabetic, the schizophrene was still himself, plus the drugs.
-Meanwhile, everyone had forgotten what it was the drugs did to
-you&mdash;that the emotions experienced were blurred emotions, that insight
-was at an isolated level of rationality because the drugs kept true
-feelings from ever emerging.</p>
-
-<p>How inconceivable it would be to Helen and the other people of his
-world to live on as little drug as possible ... to experience the
-conflicting emotions, the interplay of passion and logic that almost
-tore you apart! Sober, the ancients called it, and they lived that way
-most of the time, with only the occasional crude and clublike effects
-of alcohol or narcotics to relieve their chronic anxiety.</p>
-
-<p>By taking as little hypothalamic block as possible, he and Clara were
-able to desire their fantastic attachment, to delight in an absolutely
-illogical situation unheard of in their society. But the society would
-judge their refusal to take hypothalamic block in only one sense. The
-weight of this judgment stood before him in the smoldering words, "<i>It
-ended the great paranoid wars and saved mankind</i>."</p>
-
-<p>When Clara did appear, she was searching myopically in the wrong
-vicinity of the statue. He did not call to her at once, letting the
-sight of her smooth out the tensions in him, convert all the conflicts
-into this one intense longing to be with her.</p>
-
-<p>Her halting search for him was deeply touching, like that of a tragic
-little puppet in a darkening dumbshow. He saw suddenly how like puppets
-the two of them were. They were moved by the strengthening wires of a
-new life of feeling to batter clumsily at an implacable stage setting
-that would finally leave them as bits of wood and paper.</p>
-
-<p>Then suddenly in his arms Clara was at the same time hungrily moving
-and tense with fear of discovery. Little sounds of love and fear choked
-each other in her throat. Her blonde head pressed tightly into his
-shoulder and she clung to him with desperation.</p>
-
-<p>She said, "Conrad was disturbed by my tension this morning and made me
-take a sleeping compound. I've just awakened."</p>
-
-<p>They walked to her home in silence and even in the darkened apartment
-they used only the primitive monosyllables of apprehensive need. Beyond
-these mere sounds of compassion, they had long ago said all that could
-be said.</p>
-
-<p>Because Bill was the hyperalter, he had no fear that Conrad could force
-a shift on him. When later they lay in darkness, he allowed himself to
-drift into a brief slumber. Without the sleeping compound, distorted
-events came and went without reason. Dreaming, the ancients had called
-it. It was one of the most frightening things that had begun to happen
-when he first cut down on the drugs. Now, in the few seconds that he
-dozed, a thousand fragments of incidental knowledge, historical reading
-and emotional need melded and, in a strange contrast to their present
-tranquility, he was dreaming a frightful moment in the 20th century.
-<i>These are the great paranoid wars</i>, he thought. And it was so because
-he had thought it.</p>
-
-<p>He searched frantically through the glove compartment of an ancient
-automobile. "Wait," he pleaded. "I tell you we have sulfonamide-14.
-We've been taking it regularly as directed. We took a double dose back
-in Paterson because there were soft-bombs all through that part of
-Jersey and we didn't know what would be declared Plague Area next."</p>
-
-<p>Now Bill threw things out of his satchel onto the floor and seat of
-the car, fumbling deeper by the flashlight Clara held. His heart beat
-thickly with terror. Then he remembered his pharmacase. Oh, why hadn't
-they remembered sooner about their pharmacases. Bill tore at the belt
-about his waist.</p>
-
-<p>The Medicorps captain stepped back from the door of their car. He
-jerked his head at the dark form of the corporal standing in the
-roadway. "Shoot them. Run the car off the embankment before you burn
-it."</p>
-
-<p>Bill screamed metallically through the speaker of his radiation mask.
-"Wait. I've found it." He thrust the pharmacase out the door of the
-car. "This is a pharmacase," he explained. "We keep our drugs in one of
-these and it's belted to our waist so we are never without them."</p>
-
-<p>The captain of the Medicorps came back. He inspected the pharmacase and
-the drugs and returned it. "From now on, keep your drugs handy. Take
-them without fail according to radio instructions. Do you understand?"</p>
-
-<p>Clara's head pressed heavily against Bill's shoulder, and he could hear
-the tinny sound of her sobbing through the speaker of her mask.</p>
-
-<p>The captain stepped into the road again. "We'll have to burn your
-car. You passed through a Plague Area and it can't be sterilized on
-this route. About a mile up this road you'll come to a sterilization
-unit. Stop and have your person and belongings rayed. After that, keep
-walking, but stick to the road. You'll be shot if you're caught off it."</p>
-
-<p>The road was crowded with fleeing people. Their way was lighted by
-piles of cadavers writhing in gasoline flames. The Medicorps was
-everywhere. Those who stumbled, those who coughed, the delirious and
-their helping partners ... these were taken to the side of the road,
-shot and burned. And there was bombing again to the south.</p>
-
-<p>Bill stopped in the middle of the road and looked back. Clara clung to
-him.</p>
-
-<p>"There is a plague here we haven't any drug for," he said, and realized
-he was crying. "We are all mad."</p>
-
-<p>Clara was crying too. "Darling, what have you done? Where are the
-drugs?"</p>
-
-<p>The water of the Hudson hung as it had in the late afternoon, ice
-crystals in the stratosphere. The high, high sheet flashed and glowed
-in the new bombing to the south, where multicolored pillars of flame
-boiled into the sky. But the muffled crash of the distant bombing was
-suddenly the steady click of the urgent signal on a bedside visiophone,
-and Bill was abruptly awake.</p>
-
-<p>Clara was throwing on her robe and moving toward the machine on
-terror-rigid limbs. With a scrambling motion, Bill got out of the
-possible view of the machine and crouched at the end of the room.</p>
-
-<p>Distinctly, he could hear the machine say, "Clara Manz?"</p>
-
-<p>"Yes." Clara's voice was a thin treble that could have been a shriek
-had it continued.</p>
-
-<p>"This is Medicorps Headquarters. A routine check discloses you have
-delayed your shift two hours. To maintain the statistical record of
-deviations, please give us a full explanation."</p>
-
-<p>"I ..." Clara had to swallow before she could talk. "I must have taken
-too much sleeping compound."</p>
-
-<p>"Mrs. Manz, our records indicate that you have been delaying your shift
-consistently for several periods now. We made a check of this as a
-routine follow up on any such deviation, but the discovery is quite
-serious." There was a harsh silence, a silence that demanded a logical
-answer. But how could there be a logical answer?</p>
-
-<p>"My hyperalter hasn't complained and I&mdash;well, I have just let a bad
-habit develop. I'll see that it&mdash;doesn't happen again."</p>
-
-<p>The machine voiced several platitudes about the responsibilities of one
-personality to another and the duty of all to society before Clara was
-able to shut it off.</p>
-
-<p>Both of them sat as they were for a long, long time while the tide of
-terror subsided. When at last they looked at each other across the dim
-and silent room, both of them knew there could be at least one more
-time together before they were caught.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Five days later, on the last day of her shift, Mary Walden wrote the
-address of her appointed father's hypoalter, Conrad Manz, with an
-indelible pencil on the skin just below her armpit.</p>
-
-<p>During the morning, her father and mother had spoiled the family rest
-day by quarreling. It was about Helen's hypoalter delaying so many
-shifts. Bill did not think it very important, but her mother was angry
-and threatened to complain to the Medicorps.</p>
-
-<p>The lunch was eaten in silence, except that at one point Bill said, "It
-seems to me Conrad and Clara Manz are guilty of a peculiar marriage,
-not us. Yet they seem perfectly happy with it and you're the one who is
-made unhappy. The woman has probably just developed a habit of taking
-too much sleeping compound for her rest day naps. Why don't you drop
-her a note?"</p>
-
-<p>Helen made only one remark. It was said through her teeth and very
-softly. "Bill, I would just as soon the child did not realize her
-relationship to this sordid situation."</p>
-
-<p>Mary cringed over the way Helen disregarded her hearing, the
-possibility that she might be capable of understanding, or her feelings
-about being shut out of their mutual world.</p>
-
-<p>After the lunch Mary cleared the table, throwing the remains of the
-meal and the plastiplates into the flash trash disposer. Her father had
-retreated to the library room and Helen was getting ready to attend
-a Citizen's Meeting. Mary heard her mother enter the room to say
-good-bye while she was wiping the dining table. She knew that Helen was
-standing, well-dressed and a little impatient, just behind her, but she
-pretended she did not know.</p>
-
-<p>"Darling, I'm leaving now for the Citizen's Meeting."</p>
-
-<p>"Oh ... yes."</p>
-
-<p>"Be a good girl and don't be late for your shift. You only have an hour
-now." Helen's patrician face smiled.</p>
-
-<p>"I won't be late."</p>
-
-<p>"Don't pay any attention to the things Bill and I discussed this
-morning, will you?"</p>
-
-<p>"No."</p>
-
-<p>And she was gone. She did not say good-bye to Bill.</p>
-
-<p>Mary was very conscious of her father in the house. He continued to sit
-in the library. She walked by the door and she could see him sitting in
-a chair, staring at the floor. Mary stood in the sun room for a long
-while. If he had risen from his chair, if he had rustled a page, if he
-had sighed, she would have heard him.</p>
-
-<p>It grew closer and closer to the time she would have to leave if Susan
-Shorrs was to catch the first school hours of her shift. Why did
-children have to shift half a day before adults?</p>
-
-<p>Finally, Mary thought of something to say. She could let him know she
-was old enough to understand what the quarrel had been about if only it
-were explained to her.</p>
-
-<p>Mary went into the library and hesitantly sat on the edge, of a couch
-near him. He did not look at her and his face seemed gray in the midday
-light. Then she knew that he was lonely, too. But a great feeling of
-tenderness for him went through her.</p>
-
-<p>"Sometimes I think you and Clara Manz must be the only people in the
-world," she said abruptly, "who aren't so silly about shifting right
-on the dot. Why, I don't <i>care</i> if Susan Shorrs <i>is</i> an hour late for
-classes!"</p>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<div class="figcenter">
- <img src="images/illus2.jpg" width="377" height="500" alt=""/>
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p>Those first moments when he seized her in his arms, it seemed her heart
-would shake loose. It was as though she had uttered some magic formula,
-one that had abruptly opened the doors to his love. It was only after
-he had explained to her why he was always late on the first day of the
-family shift that she knew something was wrong. He <i>did</i> tell her, over
-and over, that he knew she was unhappy and that it was his fault. But
-he was at the same time soothing her, petting her, as if <i>he was afraid
-of her</i>.</p>
-
-<p>He talked on and on. Gradually, Mary understood in his trembling body,
-in his perspiring palms, in his pleading eyes, that he was afraid of
-dying, that he was afraid <i>she</i> would kill him with the merest thing
-she said, with her very presence.</p>
-
-<p>This was not painful to Mary, because, suddenly, something came with
-ponderous enormity to stand before her: <i>I would just as soon the child
-did not realize her relationship to this sordid situation.</i></p>
-
-<p>Her relationship. It was some kind of relationship to Conrad and Clara
-Manz, because those were the people they had been talking about.</p>
-
-<p>The moment her father left the apartment, she went to his desk and
-took out the file of family records. After she found the address of
-Conrad Manz, the idea occurred to her to write it on her body. Mary was
-certain that Susan Shorrs never bathed and she thought this a clever
-idea. Sometime on Susan's rest day, five days from now, she would try
-to force the shift and go to see Conrad and Clara Manz. Her plan was
-simple in execution, but totally vague as to goal.</p>
-
-<p>Mary was already late when she hurried to the children's section of a
-public shifting station. A Children's Transfer Bus was waiting, and
-Mary registered on it for Susan Shorrs to be taken to school. After
-that she found a shifting room and opened it with her wristband. She
-changed into a shifting costume and sent her own clothes and belongings
-home.</p>
-
-<p>Children her age did not wear makeup, but Mary always stood at the
-mirror during the shift. She always tried as hard as she could to
-see what Susan Shorrs looked like. She giggled over a verse that was
-scrawled beside the mirror ...</p>
-
-<div class="poetry">
- <div class="stanza">
- <div class="verse">Rouge your hair and comb your face;</div>
- <div class="verse">Many a third head is lost in this place.</div>
-</div></div>
-
-<p>... and then the shift came, doubly frightening because of what she
-knew she was going to do.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Especially if you were a hyperalter like Mary, you were supposed to
-have some sense of the passage of time while you were out of shift. Of
-course, you did not know what was going on, but it was as though a more
-or less accurate chronometer kept running when you went out of shift.
-Apparently Mary's was highly inaccurate, because, to her horror, she
-found herself sitting bolt upright in one of Mrs. Harris's classes, not
-out on the playgrounds, where she had expected Susan Shorrs to be.</p>
-
-<p>Mary was terrified, and the ugly school dress Susan had been wearing
-accented, by its strangeness, the seriousness of her premature shift.
-Children weren't supposed to show much difference from hyperalter to
-hypoalter, but when she raised her eyes, her fright grew. Children did
-change. She hardly recognized anyone in the room, though most of them
-must be the alters of her own classmates. Mrs. Harris was a B-shift and
-overlapped both Mary and Susan, but otherwise Mary recognized only Carl
-Blair's hypoalter because of his freckles.</p>
-
-<p>Mary knew she had to get out of there or Mrs. Harris would eventually
-recognize her. If she left the room quietly, Mrs. Harris would not
-question her unless she recognized her. It was no use trying to guess
-how Susan would walk.</p>
-
-<p>Mary stood and went toward the door, glad that it turned her back to
-Mrs. Harris. It seemed to her that she could feel the teacher's eyes
-stabbing through her back.</p>
-
-<p>But she walked safely from the room. She dashed down the school
-corridor and out into the street. So great was her fear of what she was
-doing that her hypoalter's world actually seemed like a different one.</p>
-
-<p>It was a long way for Mary to walk across town, and when she rang the
-bell, Conrad Manz was already home from work. He smiled at her and she
-loved him at once.</p>
-
-<p>"Well, what do you want, young lady?" he asked.</p>
-
-<p>Mary couldn't answer him. She just smiled back.</p>
-
-<p>"What's your name, eh?"</p>
-
-<p>Mary went right on smiling, but suddenly he blurred in front of her.</p>
-
-<p>"Here, here! There's nothing to cry about. Come on in and let's see if
-we can help you. Clara! We have a visitor, a very sentimental visitor."</p>
-
-<p>Mary let him put his big arm around her shoulder and draw her, crying,
-into the apartment. Then she saw Clara swimming before her, looking
-like her mother, but ... no, not at all like her mother.</p>
-
-<p>"Now, see here, chicken, what is it you've come for?" Conrad asked when
-her crying stopped.</p>
-
-<p>Mary had to stare hard at the floor to be able to say it. "I want to
-live with you."</p>
-
-<p>Clara was twisting and untwisting a handkerchief. "But, child, we have
-already had our first baby appointed to us. He'll be with us next
-shift, and after that I have to bear a baby for someone else to keep.
-We wouldn't be allowed to take care of you."</p>
-
-<p>"I thought maybe I was your real child." Mary said it helplessly,
-knowing in advance what the answer would be.</p>
-
-<p>"Darling," Clara soothed, "children don't live with their natural
-parents. It's neither practical nor civilized. I have had a child
-conceived and borne on my shift, and this baby is my exchange, so you
-see that you are much too old to be my conception. Whoever your natural
-parents may be, it is just something on record with the Medicorps
-Genetic Division and isn't important."</p>
-
-<p>"But you're a special case," Mary pressed. "I thought because it was a
-special arrangement that you were my real parents." She looked up and
-she saw that Clara had turned white.</p>
-
-<p>And now Conrad Manz was agitated, too. "What do you mean, we're a
-special case?" He was staring hard at her.</p>
-
-<p>"Because...." And now for the first time Mary realized how special this
-case was, how sensitive they would be about it.</p>
-
-<p>He grasped her by the shoulders and turned her so she faced his
-unblinking eyes. "I said, what do you mean, we're a special case?
-Clara, what in thirty heads does this kid mean?"</p>
-
-<p>His grip hurt her and she began to cry again. She broke away. "You're
-the hypoalters of my appointed father and mother. I thought maybe when
-it was like that, I might be your real child ... and you might want me.
-I don't want to be where I am. I want somebody...."</p>
-
-<p>Clara was calm now, her sudden fear gone. "But, darling, if you're
-unhappy where you are, only the Medicorps can reappoint you. Besides,
-maybe your appointed parents are just having some personal problems
-right now. Maybe if you tried to understand them, you would see that
-they really love you."</p>
-
-<p>Conrad's face showed that he did not understand. He spoke with a stiff,
-quiet voice and without taking his eyes from Mary. "What are you doing
-here? My own hyperalter's kid in my house, throwing it up to me that
-I'm married to his wife's hypoalter!"</p>
-
-<p>They did not feel the earth move, as she fearfully did. They sat there,
-staring at her, as though they might sit forever while she backed away,
-out of the apartment, and ran into her collapsing world.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Conrad Manz's rest day fell the day after Bill Walden's kid showed
-up at his apartment. It was ten days since that strait jacket of a
-conference on Santa Fe had lost him a chance to blast off a rocket
-racer. This time, on the practical knowledge that emergency business
-conferences were seldom called after lunch, Conrad had placed his
-reservation for a racer in the afternoon. The visit from Mary Walden
-had upset him every time he thought of it. Since it was his rest day,
-he had no intention of thinking about it and Conrad's scrupulously
-drugged mind was capable of just that.</p>
-
-<p>So now, in the lavish coolness of the lounge at the Rocket Club, Conrad
-sipped his drink contentedly and made no contribution to the gloomy
-conversation going on around him.</p>
-
-<p>"Look at it this way," the melancholy face of Alberts, a pilot from
-England, morosely emphasized his tone. "It takes about 10,000 economic
-units to jack a forty ton ship up to satellite level and snap it around
-the course six times. That's just practice for us. On the other hand,
-an intellectual fellow who spends his spare time at a microfilm library
-doesn't use up 1,000 units in a year. In fact, his spare time activity
-may turn up as units gained. The Economic Board doesn't argue that all
-pastime should be gainful. They just say rocket racing wastes more
-economic units than most pilots make on their work days. I tell you the
-day is almost here when they ban the rockets."</p>
-
-<p>"That's just it," another pilot put in. "There was a time when you
-could show that rocket races were necessary for better spaceship
-design. Design has gone way beyond that. From their point of view we
-just burn up units as fast as other people create them. And it's no use
-trying to argue for the television shows. The Board can prove people
-would rather see a jet-skiing meet at a cost of about one-hundredth
-that of a rocket race."</p>
-
-<p>Conrad Manz grinned into his drink. He had been aware for several
-minutes that pert little Angela, Alberts' soft-eyed, husky-voiced wife,
-was trying to catch his eye. But stranded as she was in the buzzing
-traffic of rockets, she was trying to hail the wrong rescuer. He had
-about fifteen minutes till the ramp boys would have a ship ready for
-him. Much as he liked Angela, he wasn't going to miss that race.</p>
-
-<p>Still, he let his grin broaden and, looking up at her, he lied
-maliciously by nodding. She interpreted this signal as he knew she
-would. Well, at least he would afford her a graceful exit from the
-boring conversation.</p>
-
-<p>He got up and went over and took her hand. Her full lips parted a
-little and she kissed him on the mouth.</p>
-
-<p>Conrad turned to Alberts and interrupted him. "Angela and I would like
-to spend a little time together. Do you mind?"</p>
-
-<p>Alberts was annoyed at having his train of thought broken and rather
-snapped out the usual courtesy. "Of course not. I'm glad for both of
-you."</p>
-
-<p>Conrad looked the group over with a bland stare. "Have you lads ever
-tried jet-skiing? There's more genuine excitement in ten minutes of it
-than an hour of rocket racing. Personally, I don't care if the Board
-does ban the rockets soon. I'll just hop out to the Rocky Mountains on
-rest days."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Conrad knew perfectly well that if he had made this assertion before
-asking Alberts for his wife, the man would have found some excuse to
-have her remain. All the faces present displayed the <i>aficionado's</i>
-disdain for one who has just demonstrated he doesn't <i>belong</i>. What the
-straitjacket did they think they were&mdash;some ancient order of noblemen?</p>
-
-<p>Conrad took Angela's yielding arm and led her serenely away before
-Alberts could think of anything to detain her.</p>
-
-<p>On the way out of the lounge, she stroked his arm with frank
-admiration. "I'm so glad you were agreeable. Honestly, Harold could
-talk rockets till I died."</p>
-
-<p>Conrad bent and kissed her. "Angela, I'm sorry, but this isn't going
-to be what you think. I have a ship to take off in just a few minutes."</p>
-
-<p>She flared and dug into his arm now. "Oh, Conrad Manz! You ... you made
-me believe...."</p>
-
-<p>He laughed and grabbed her wrists. "Now, now. I'm neglecting you to
-<i>fly</i> a rocket, not just to talk about them. I won't let you die."</p>
-
-<p>At that she could not suppress her husky musical laugh. "I found that
-out the last time you and I were together. Clara and I had a drink the
-other day at the Citizen's Club. I don't often use dirty language, but
-I told Clara she must be keeping you in a <i>straitjacket</i> at home."</p>
-
-<p>Conrad frowned, wishing she hadn't brought up the subject. It worried
-him off and on that something was wrong with Clara, something even
-worse than that awful <i>dreaming</i> business ten days ago. For several
-shifts now she had been cold, nor was it just a temporary lack of
-interest in himself, for she was also cold to the men of their
-acquaintance of whom she was usually quite fond. As for himself, he had
-had to depend on casual contacts such as Angela. Not that they weren't
-pleasant, but a man and wife were supposed to maintain a healthy
-love life between themselves, and it usually meant trouble with the
-Medicorps when this broke down.</p>
-
-<p>Angela glanced at him. "I didn't think Clara laughed well at my remark.
-Is something wrong between you?"</p>
-
-<p>"Oh, no," he declared hastily. "Clara is sometimes that way ... doesn't
-catch a joke right off."</p>
-
-<p>A page boy approached them where they stood in the rotunda and advised
-Conrad that his ship was ready.</p>
-
-<p>"Honestly, Angela, I'll make it up, I promise."</p>
-
-<p>"I know you will, darling. And at least I'm grateful you saved me from
-all those rocket jets in there." Angela raised her lips for a kiss and
-afterward, as she pushed him toward the door, her slightly vacant face
-smiled at him.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Out on the ramp, Conrad found another pilot ready to take off. They
-made two wagers&mdash;first to reach the racing course, and winner in a
-six-lap heat around the six-hundred-mile hexagonal course.</p>
-
-<p>They fired together and Conrad blasted his ship up on a thunderous
-column of flame that squeezed him into his seat. He was good at this
-and he knew he would win the lift to the course. On the course,
-though, if his opponent was any good at all, Conrad would probably
-lose because he enjoyed slamming the ship around the course in his
-wasteful, swashbuckling style much more than merely winning the heat.</p>
-
-<p>Conrad kept his drive on till the last possible second and then shot
-out his nose jets. The ship shuddered up through another hundred miles
-and came to a lolling halt near the starting buoys. The other pilot
-gasped when Conrad shouted at him over the intership, "The winner by
-all thirty heads!"</p>
-
-<p>It was generally assumed that a race up to the course consisted of
-cutting all jets when you had enough lift, and using the nose brakes
-only to correct any over-shot. "What did you do, just keep your power
-on and flip the ship around?" The other racer coasted up to Conrad's
-level and steadied with a brief forward burst.</p>
-
-<p>They got the automatic signal from the starting buoy and went for the
-first turn, nose and nose, about half a mile apart. Conrad lost 5000
-yards on the first turn by shoving his power too hard against the
-starboard steering Jets.</p>
-
-<p>It made a pretty picture when a racer hammered its way around a turn
-that way with a fan of outside jets holding it in place. The Other
-fellow made his turns cleanly, using mostly the driving jets for
-steering. But that didn't look like much to those who happened to
-flip on their television while this little heat was in progress. On
-every turn, Conrad lost a little in space, but not in the eye of the
-automatic televisor on the buoy marking the turn. As usual, he cut
-closer to the buoys than regulations allowed, to give the folks a show.</p>
-
-<p>Without the slightest regret, Conrad lost the heat by a full two sides
-of the hexagon. He congratulated his opponent and watched the fellow
-let his ship down carefully toward earth on its tail jets. For a while
-Conrad lolled his ship around near the starting buoy and its probably
-watching eye, flipping through a series of complicated maneuvers with
-the steering jets.</p>
-
-<p>Conrad did not like the grim countenance of outer space. The lifeless,
-gemlike blaze of cloud upon cloud of stars in the perspectiveless black
-repelled him. He liked rocket racing only because of the neat timing
-necessary, and possibly because the knowledge that he indulged in it
-scared poor old Bill Walden half to death.</p>
-
-<p>Today the bleak aspect of the Galaxy harried his mind back upon its
-own problems. A particularly nasty association of Clara with Bill
-Walden and his sniveling kid kept dogging Conrad's mind and, as soon as
-stunting had exhausted his excess of fuel, he turned the ship to earth
-and sent it in with a short, spectacular burst.</p>
-
-<p>Now that he stopped to consider it, Clara's strange behavior had begun
-at about the same time that Bill Walden started cheating on the shifts.
-That kid Mary must have known something was going on, or she would not
-have done such a disgusting thing as to come to their apartment.</p>
-
-<p>Conrad had let the rocket fall nose-down, until now it was screaming
-into the upper ionosphere. With no time to spare, he swiveled the ship
-on its guiding jets and opened the drive blast at the up-rushing earth.
-He had just completed this wrenching maneuver when two appalling things
-happened together.</p>
-
-<p>Conrad suddenly knew, whether as a momentary leak from Bill's mind to
-his, or as a rapid calculation of his own, that Bill Walden and Clara
-shared a secret. At the same moment, something tore through his mind
-like fingers of chill wind. With seven gravities mashing him into the
-bucket-seat, he grunted curses past thin-stretched lips.</p>
-
-<p>"Great blue psychiatrists! What in thirty straitjackets is that
-three-headed fool trying to do, kill us both?"</p>
-
-<p>Conrad just managed to raise his leaden hand and set the plummeting
-racer for automatic pilot before Bill Walden forced him out of the
-shift. In his last moment of consciousness, and in the shock of his
-overwhelming shame, Conrad felt the bitter irony that he could not cut
-the power and kill Bill Walden.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>When Bill Walden became conscious of the thunderous clamor of the
-braking ship and the awful weight of deceleration into which he had
-shifted, the core of him froze. He was so terrified that he could not
-have thought of reshifting even had there been time.</p>
-
-<p>His head rolled on the pad in spite of its weight, and he saw the
-earth coming at him like a monstrous swatter aimed at a fly. Between
-his fright and the inhuman gravity, he lost consciousness without ever
-seeing on the control panel the red warning that saved him: <i>Automatic
-Pilot</i>.</p>
-
-<p>The ship settled itself on the ramp in a mushroom of fire. Bill
-regained awareness several seconds later. He was too shaken to do
-anything but sit there for a long time.</p>
-
-<p>When at last he felt capable of moving, he struggled with the door till
-he found how to open it, and climbed down to the still-hot ramp he had
-landed on. It was at least a mile to the Rocket Club across the barren
-flat of the field, and he set out on foot. Shortly, however, a truck
-came speeding across to him.</p>
-
-<p>The driver leaned out. "Hey, Conrad, what's the matter? Why didn't you
-pull the ship over to the hangars?"</p>
-
-<p>With Conrad's makeup on, Bill felt he could probably get by. "Controls
-aren't working," he offered noncommittally.</p>
-
-<p>At the club, a place he had never been to before in his life, Bill
-found an unused helicopter and started it with his wristband. He flew
-the machine into town to the landing station nearest his home.</p>
-
-<p>He was doomed, he knew. Conrad certainly would report him for this.
-He had not intended to force the shift so early or so violently.
-Perhaps he had not intended to force it at all this time. But there was
-something in him more powerful than himself ... a need to break the
-shift and be with Clara that now acted almost independently of him and
-certainly without regard for his safety.</p>
-
-<p>Bill flew his craft carefully through the city traffic, working his way
-between the widely spaced towers with the uncertain hand of one to whom
-machines are not an extension of the body. He put the helicopter down
-at the landing station with some difficulty.</p>
-
-<p>Clara would not be expecting him so early. From his apartment, as soon
-as he had changed makeup, he visiophoned her. It was strange how long
-and how carefully they needed to look at each other and how few words
-they could say.</p>
-
-<p>Afterward, he seemed calmer and went about getting ready with more
-efficiency. But when he found himself addressing the package of
-Conrad's clothes to his home, he chuckled bitterly.</p>
-
-<p>It was when he went back to drop the package in the mail chute that he
-noticed the storage room door ajar. He disposed of the package and went
-over to the door. Then he stood still, listening. He had to stop his
-own breathing to hear clearly.</p>
-
-<p>Bill tightened himself and opened the door. He flipped on the light and
-saw Mary. The child sat on the floor in the corner with her knees drawn
-up against her chest. Between the knees and the chest, the frail wrists
-were crossed, the hands closed limply like&mdash;like those of a fetus. The
-forehead rested on the knees so that, should the closed eyes stray
-open, they would be looking at the placid hands.</p>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<div class="figcenter">
- <img src="images/illus3.jpg" width="600" height="198" alt=""/>
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p>The sickening sight of the child squeezed down on his heart till the
-color drained from his face. He went forward and knelt before her. His
-dry throat hammered with the words, <i>what have I done to you</i>, but he
-could not speak. The question of how long she might have been here, he
-could not bear to think.</p>
-
-<p>He put out his hand, but he did not touch her. A shudder of revulsion
-shook him and he scrambled to his feet. He hurried back into the
-apartment with only one thought. He must get someone to help her. Only
-the Medicorps could take care of a situation like this.</p>
-
-<p>As he stood at the visiophone, he knew that this involuntary act of
-panic had betrayed all that he had ever thought and done. He had to
-call the Medicorps. He could not face the result of his own behavior
-without them. Like a ghostly after-image, he saw Clara's face on the
-screen. She was lost, cut off, with only himself to depend on.</p>
-
-<p>A part of him, a place where there were no voices and a great tragedy,
-had been abruptly shut off. He stood stupidly confused and disturbed
-about something he couldn't recall. The emotion in his body suddenly
-had no referent. He stood like a badly frightened animal while his
-heart slowed and blood seeped again into whitened parenchymas, while
-tides of epinephrine burned lower.</p>
-
-<p>Remembering he must hurry, Bill left the apartment. It was an apartment
-with its storage room door closed, an apartment without a storage room.</p>
-
-<p>From the moment that he walked in and took Clara in his arms, he was
-not worried about being caught. He felt only the great need for her.
-There seemed only one difference from the first time and it was a good
-difference, because now Clara was so tense and apprehensive. He felt
-a new tenderness for her, as one might feel for a child. It seemed to
-him that there was no end to the well of gentleness and compassion that
-was suddenly in him. He was mystified by the depth of this feeling.
-He kissed her again and again and petted her as one might a disturbed
-child.</p>
-
-<p>Clara said, "Oh, Bill, we're doing wrong! Mary was here yesterday!"</p>
-
-<p>Whoever she meant, it had no meaning for him. He said, "It's all right.
-You mustn't worry."</p>
-
-<p>"She needs you, Bill, and I take you away from her."</p>
-
-<p>Whatever it was she was talking about was utterly unimportant beside
-the fact that she was not happy herself. He soothed her. "Darling, you
-mustn't worry about it. Let's be happy the way we used to be."</p>
-
-<p>He led her to a couch and they sat together, her head resting on his
-shoulder.</p>
-
-<p>"Conrad is worried about me. He knows something is wrong. Oh, Bill, if
-he knew, he'd demand the worst penalty for you."</p>
-
-<p>Bill felt the stone of fear come back in his chest. He thought, too,
-of Helen, of how intense her shame would be. Medicorps action would be
-machinelike, logical as a set of equation; they were very likely to
-take more drastic steps where the complaints would be so strong and no
-request for leniency forthcoming. Conrad knew now, of course. Bill had
-felt his hate.</p>
-
-<p>It was nearing the end. Death would come to Bill with electronic
-fingers. A ghostly probing in his mind and suddenly....</p>
-
-<p>Clara's great unhappiness and the way she turned her head into his
-shoulder to cry forced him to calm the rising panic in himself, and
-again to caress the fear from her.</p>
-
-<p>Even later, when they lay where the moonlight thrust into the room
-an impalpable shaft of alabaster, he loved her only as a succor.
-Carefully, slowly, smoothing out her mind, drawing it away from all the
-other things, drawing it down into this one thing. Gathering all her
-mind into her senses and holding it there. Then quickly taking it away
-from her in a moaning spasm so that now she was murmuring, murmuring,
-palely drifting. Sleeping like a loved child.</p>
-
-<p>For a long, long time he watched the white moon cut its arc across
-their window. He listened with a deep pleasure to her evenly breathing
-sleep. But slowly he realized that her breath had changed, that the
-body so close to his was tensing. His heart gave a great bound and tiny
-moths of horror fluttered along his back. He raised himself and saw
-that the eyes were open in the silver light. Even through the makeup he
-saw that they were Helen's eyes.</p>
-
-<p>He did the only thing left for him. He shifted. But in that terrible
-instant he understood something he had not anticipated. In Helen's eyes
-there was not only intense shame over shifting into her hypoalter's
-home; there was not only the disgust with himself for breaking
-communication codes. He saw that, as a woman of the 20th Century might
-have felt, Helen hated Clara as a sexual rival. She hated Clara doubly
-because he had turned not to some other woman, but to the other part of
-herself whom she could never know.</p>
-
-<p>As he shifted, Bill knew that the next light he saw would be on the
-adamant face of the Medicorps.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Major Paul Grey, with two other Medicorps officers, entered the
-Walden apartment about two hours after Bill left it to meet Clara.
-Major Grey was angry with himself. Important information on a case
-of communication-breaks and drug-refusal could be learned by letting
-it run its course under observation. But he had not intended Conrad
-Manz's life to be endangered, and certainly he would not have taken the
-slightest chance on what they found in the Walden apartment if he had
-expected it this early.</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey blamed himself for what had happened to Mary Walden. He
-should have had the machines watching Susan and Mary at the same time
-that they were relaying all wristband data for Bill and Conrad and for
-Helen and Clara to his office.</p>
-
-<p>He had not done this because it was Susan's shift and he had not
-expected Mary to break it. Now he knew that Helen and Bill Walden
-had been quarreling over the fact that Clara was cheating on Helen's
-shifts, and their conversations had directed the unhappy child's
-attention to the Manz couple. She had broken shift to meet them ...
-looking for a loving father, of course.</p>
-
-<p>Still&mdash;things would not have turned out so badly if Captain Thiel,
-Mary's school officer, had not attributed Susan Shorrs' disappearance
-only to poor drug acclimatization. Captain Thiel had naturally known
-that Major Grey was in town to prosecute Bill Walden, because the major
-had called on him to discuss the case. Yet it had not occurred to him,
-until 18 hours after Susan's disappearance, that Mary might have forced
-the shift for some reason associated with her aberrant father.</p>
-
-<p>By the time the captain advised him, Major Grey already knew that Bill
-had forced the shift on Conrad under desperate circumstances and he had
-decided to close in. He fully expected to find the father and daughter
-at the apartment, and now ... it sickened him to see the child's
-demented condition and realize that Bill had left her there.</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey could see at a glance that Mary Walden would not be
-accessible for days even with the best treatment. He left it to the
-other two officers to hospitalize the child and set out for the Manz
-apartment.</p>
-
-<p>He used his master wristband to open the door there, and found a woman
-standing in the middle of the room, wrapped in a sheet. He knew that
-this must be Helen Walden. It was odd how ill-fitting Clara Manz's
-softly sensual makeup seemed, even to a stranger, on the more rigidly
-composed face before him. He guessed that Helen would wear color higher
-on her cheeks and the mouth would be done in severe lines. Certainly
-the present haughty face struggled with its incongruous makeup as well
-as the indignity of her dress.</p>
-
-<p>She pulled the sheet tighter about her and said icily, "I will not wear
-that woman's clothes."</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey introduced himself and asked, "Where is Bill Walden?"</p>
-
-<p>"He shifted! He left me with.... Oh, I'm so ashamed!"</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey shared her loathing. There was no way to escape the
-conditioning of childhood&mdash;sex relations between hyperalter and
-hypoalter were more than outlawed, they were in themselves disgusting.
-If they were allowed, they could destroy this civilization. Those
-idealists&mdash;they were almost all hypoalters, of course&mdash;who wanted the
-old terminology changed didn't take that into account. Next thing
-they'd want children to live with their actual parents!</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey stepped into the bedroom. Through the bathroom door beyond,
-he could see Conrad Manz changing his makeup.</p>
-
-<p>Conrad turned and eyed him bluntly. "Would you mind staying out of here
-till I'm finished? I've had about all I can take."</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey shut the door and returned to Helen Walden. He took a
-hypothalamic block from his own pharmacase and handed it to her. "Here,
-you're probably on very low drug levels. You'd better take this." He
-poured her a glass of pop from a decanter and, while they waited for
-Conrad, he dialed the nearest shifting station on the visiophone and
-ordered up an emergency shifting costume for her.</p>
-
-<p>When at last they were both dressed, made up to their satisfaction and
-drugged to his satisfaction, he had them sit on a couch together across
-from him. They sat at opposite ends of it, stiff with resentment at
-each other's presence.</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey said calmly, "You realize that this matter is coming to a
-Medicorps trial. It will be serious."</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey watched their faces. On hers he saw grim determination. On
-Conrad's face he saw the heavy movement of alarm. The man loved his
-wife. That was going to help. "It is necessary in a case such as this
-for the Medicorps to weigh your decisions along with the scientific
-evidence we will accumulate. Unfortunately, the number of laymen
-directly involved in this case&mdash;and not on trial&mdash;is only two, due
-to your peculiar marriage. If the hypoalters, Clara and Conrad, were
-married to other partners, we might call on as many as six involved
-persons and obtain a more equitable lay judgment. As it stands, the
-entire responsibility rests on the two of you."</p>
-
-<p>Helen Walden was primly confident. "I don't see how we can fail to
-treat the matter with perfect logic. After all, it is not <i>we</i> who
-neglect our drug levels.... They <i>were</i> refusing to take their drugs,
-weren't they?" she asked, hoping for the worst and certain she was
-right.</p>
-
-<p>"Yes, this is drug refusal." Major Grey paused while she relished the
-answer. "But I must correct you in one impression. Your proper drug
-levels do not assure that you will act logically in this matter. The
-drugged mind <i>is</i> logical. However, its fundamental datum is that the
-drugs and drugged minds must be protected before everything else." He
-watched Conrad's face while he added, "Because of this, it is possible
-for you to arrive logically at a conclusion that ... death is the
-required solution." He paused, looking at their white lips. Then he
-said, "Actually, other, more suitable solutions may be possible."</p>
-
-<p>"But they <i>were</i> refusing their drugs," she said. "You talk as if you
-are defending them. Aren't you a Medicorps prosecutor?"</p>
-
-<p>"I do not prosecute <i>people</i> in the ancient 20th Century sense, Mrs.
-Walden. I prosecute the <i>acts</i> of drug refusal and communication
-breaks. There is quite a difference."</p>
-
-<p>"Well!" she said almost explosively. "I always knew Bill would get
-into trouble sooner or later with his wild, antisocial ideas. I never
-<i>dreamed</i> the Medicorps would take <i>his</i> side."</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey held his breath, almost certain now that she would walk into
-the trap. If she did, he could save Clara Manz before the trial.</p>
-
-<p>"After all, they have broken every communication code. They have
-refused the drugs, a defiance aimed at our very lives. They&mdash;"</p>
-
-<p>"Shut up!" It was the first time Conrad Manz had spoken since he sat
-down. "The Medicorps spent weeks gathering evidence and preparing their
-recommendations. You haven't seen any of that and you've already made
-up your mind. How logical is that? It sounds as if you <i>want</i> your
-husband dead. Maybe the poor devil had some reason, after all, for what
-he did." On the man's face there was the nearest approach to hate that
-the drugs would allow.</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey let his breath out softly. They were split permanently. She
-would have to trade him a mild decision on Clara in order to save Bill.
-And even there, if the subsequent evidence gave any slight hope, Major
-Grey believed now that he could work on Conrad to hang the lay judgment
-and let the Medicorps' scientific recommendation go through unmodified.</p>
-
-<p>He let them stew in their cross-purposed silence for a while and then
-nailed home a disconcerting fact.</p>
-
-<p>"I think I should remind you that there are few advantages to having
-your alter extinguished in the <i>mnemonic eraser</i>. A man whose
-hyperalter has been extinguished must report on his regular shift days
-to a hospital and be placed for five days in suspended animation. This
-is not very healthy for the body, but necessary. Otherwise, everyone's
-natural distaste for his own alter and the understandable wish to spend
-twice as much time living would generate schemes to have one's alter
-sucked out by the eraser. That happened extensively back in the 21st
-Century before the five day suspension was required. It was also used
-as a 'cure' for schizophrenia, but it was, of course, only the brutal
-murder of innocent personalities."</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey smiled grimly to himself. "Now I will have to ask you both
-to accompany me to the hospital. I will want you, Mrs. Walden, to shift
-at once to Mrs. Manz. Mr. Manz, you will have to remain under the close
-observation of an officer until Bill Walden tries to shift back. We
-have to catch him with an injection to keep him in shift."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The young medicop put the syringe aside and laid his hand on Bill
-Walden's forehead. He pushed the hair back out of Bill's eyes.</p>
-
-<p>"There, Mr. Walden, you don't have to struggle now."</p>
-
-<p>Bill let his breath out in a long sigh. "You've caught me. I can't
-shift any more, can I?"</p>
-
-<p>"That's right, Mr. Walden. Not unless we want you to." The young man
-picked up his medical equipment and stepped aside.</p>
-
-<p>Bill noticed then the Medicorps officer standing in the background. The
-man was watching as though he contemplated some melancholy distance. "I
-am Major Grey, Bill. I'm handling your case."</p>
-
-<p>Bill did not answer. He lay staring at the hospital ceiling. Then he
-felt his mouth open in a slow grin.</p>
-
-<p>"What's funny?" Major Grey asked mildly.</p>
-
-<p>"Leaving my hypoalter with my wife," Bill answered candidly. It had
-already ceased to be funny to him, but he saw Major Grey smile in
-spite of himself.</p>
-
-<p>"They were quite upset when I found them. It must have been some
-scramble before that." Major Grey came over and sat in the chair
-vacated by the young man who had just injected Bill. "You know, Bill,
-we will need a complete analysis of you. We want to do everything we
-can to save you, but it will require your cooperation."</p>
-
-<p>Bill nodded, feeling his chest tighten. Here it came. Right to the end,
-they would be tearing him apart to find out what made him work.</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey must have sensed Bill's bitter will to resist. His resonant
-voice was soft, his face kindly. "We must have your sincere desire to
-help. We can't force you to do anything."</p>
-
-<p>"Except die," Bill said.</p>
-
-<p>"Maybe helping us get the information that might save your life at the
-trial isn't worth the trouble to you. But your aberration has seriously
-disturbed the lives of several people. Don't you think you owe it to
-them to help us prevent this sort of thing in the future?" Major Grey
-ran his hand through his whitening hair. "I thought you would like
-to know Mary will come through all right. We will begin shortly to
-acclimatize her to her new appointed parents, who will be visiting her
-each day. That will accelerate her recovery a great deal. Of course,
-right now she is still inaccessible."</p>
-
-<p>The brutally clear picture of Mary alone in the storage room crashed
-back into Bill's mind. After a while, in such slow stages that the
-beginning was hardly noticeable, he began to cry. The young medicop
-injected him with a sleeping compound, but not before Bill knew he
-would do whatever the Medicorps wanted.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The next day was crowded with battery after battery of tests. The
-interviews were endless. He was subjected to a hundred artificial
-situations and every reaction from his blood sugar to the frequency
-ranges of his voice was measured. They gave him only small amounts of
-drugs in order to test his reaction to them.</p>
-
-<p>Late in the evening, Major Grey came by and interrupted an officer who
-was taking an electroencephalogram for the sixth time after injection
-of a drug.</p>
-
-<p>"All right, Bill, you have really given us cooperation. But after
-you've had your dinner, I hope you won't mind if I come to your room
-and talk with you for a little while."</p>
-
-<p>When Bill finished eating, he waited impatiently in his room for the
-Medicorps officer. Major Grey came soon after. He shook his head at
-the mute question Bill shot at him.</p>
-
-<p>"No, Bill. We will not have the results of your tests evaluated until
-late tomorrow morning. I can't tell you a thing until the trial in any
-case."</p>
-
-<p>"When will that be?"</p>
-
-<p>"As soon as the evaluation of your tests is in." Major Grey ran his
-hand over his smooth chin and seemed to sigh. "Tell me, Bill, how do
-you feel about your case? How did you get into this situation and what
-do you think about it now?" The officer sat in the room's only chair
-and motioned Bill to the cot.</p>
-
-<p>Bill was astonished at his sudden desire to talk about his problem. He
-had to laugh to cover it up. "I guess I feel as if I am being condemned
-for trying to stay sober." Bill used the ancient word with a mock tone
-of righteousness that he knew the major would understand.</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey smiled. "How do you feel when you're sober?"</p>
-
-<p>Bill searched his face. "The way the ancient Moderns did, I guess. I
-feel what happens to me the <i>way</i> it happens to me, not the artificial
-way the drugs let it happen. I think there is a way for us to live
-without the drugs and really enjoy life. Have you ever cut down on your
-drugs. Major?"</p>
-
-<p>The officer shook his head.</p>
-
-<p>Bill smiled at him dreamily. "You ought to try it. It's as though a new
-life has suddenly opened up. Everything looks different to you.</p>
-
-<p>"Look, with an average life span of 100 years, each of us only lives
-50 years and our alter lives the other 50. Yet even on half-time we
-experience only about half the living we'd do if we didn't take the
-drugs. We would be able to feel the loves and hatreds and desires
-of life. No matter how many mistakes we made, we would be able
-occasionally to live those intense moments that made the ancients
-great."</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey said tonelessly, "The ancients were great at killing,
-cheating and debasing one another. And they were worse sober than
-<i>drunk</i>." This time he did not smile at the word.</p>
-
-<p>Bill understood the implacable logic before him. The logic that had
-saved man from himself by smothering his spirit. The carefully achieved
-logic of the drugs that had seized upon the disassociated personality,
-and engineered it into a smoothly running machine, where there was no
-unhappiness because there was no great happiness, where there was no
-crime except failure to take the drugs or cross the alter sex line.
-Without drugs, he was capable of fury and he felt it now.</p>
-
-<p>"You should see how foolish these communication codes look when you
-are undrugged. This stupid hide-and-seek of shifting! These two-headed
-monsters simpering, about their artificial morals and their endless
-prescriptions! They belong in <i>crazy</i> houses! What use is there in such
-a world? If we are all this sick, we should die...."</p>
-
-<p>Bill stopped and there was suddenly a ringing silence in the barren
-little room.</p>
-
-<p>Finally Major Grey said, "I think you can see, Bill, that your desire
-to live without drugs is incompatable with this society. It would
-be impossible for us to maintain in you an artificial need for the
-drugs that would be healthy. Only if we can clearly demonstrate that
-this aberration is not an inherent part of your personality can we do
-something medically or psycho-surgically about it."</p>
-
-<p>Bill did not at first see the implication in this. When he did, he
-thought of Clara rather than of himself, and his voice was shaken. "Is
-it a localized aberration in Clara?"</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey looked at him levelly. "I have arranged for you to be with
-Clara Manz a little while in the morning." He stood up and said good
-night and was gone.</p>
-
-<p>Slowly, as if it hurt him to move, Bill turned off the light and lay on
-the cot in the semi-dark. After a while he could feel his heart begin
-to take hold and he started feeling better. It was as though a man who
-had thought himself permanently expatriated had been told, "Tomorrow,
-you walk just over that hill and you will be home."</p>
-
-<p>All through the night he lay awake, alternating between panic and
-desperate longing in a cycle with which finally he became familiar. At
-last, as a rusty light of dawn reddened his silent room, he fell into a
-troubled sleep.</p>
-
-<p>He started awake in broad daylight. An orderly was at the door with his
-breakfast tray. He could not eat, of course. After the orderly left, he
-hastily changed to a new hospital uniform and washed himself. He redid
-his makeup with a trembling hand, straightened the bedclothes and then
-he sat on the edge of the cot.</p>
-
-<p>No one came for him.</p>
-
-<p>The young medicop who had given him the injection that caught him in
-shift finally entered, and was standing near him before Bill was aware
-of his presence.</p>
-
-<p>"Good morning, Mr. Walden. How are you feeling?"</p>
-
-<p>Bill's wildly oscillating tensions froze at the point where he could
-only move helplessly with events and suffer a constant, unchangeable
-longing.</p>
-
-<p>It was as if in a dream that they moved in silence together down the
-long corridors of the hospital and took the elevator to an upper floor.
-The medicop opened the door to a room and let Bill enter. Bill heard
-the door close behind him.</p>
-
-<p>Clara did not turn from where she stood looking out the window. Bill
-did not care that the walls of the chill little room were almost
-certainly recording every sight and sound. All his hunger was focused
-on the back of the girl at the window. The room seemed to ring with his
-racing blood. But he was slowly aware that something was wrong, and
-when at last he called her name, his voice broke.</p>
-
-<p>Still without turning, she said in a strained monotone, "I want you to
-understand that I have consented to this meeting only because Major
-Grey has assured me it is necessary."</p>
-
-<p>It was a long time before he could speak. "Clara, I need you."</p>
-
-<p>She spun on him. "Have you no shame? You are married to my
-hyperalter&mdash;don't you understand that?" Her face was suddenly wet with
-tears and the intensity of her shame flamed at him from her cheeks.
-"How can Conrad ever forgive me for being with his hyperalter and
-talking about him? Oh, how can I have been so <i>mad</i>?"</p>
-
-<p>"They have done something to you," he said, shaking with tension.</p>
-
-<p>Her chin raised at this. She was defiant, he saw, though not toward
-himself&mdash;he no longer existed for her&mdash;but toward that part of herself
-which once had needed him and now no longer existed. "They have cured
-me," she declared. "They have cured me of everything but my shame, and
-they will help me get rid of that as soon as you leave this room."</p>
-
-<p>Bill stared at her before leaving. Out in the corridor, the young
-medicop did not look him in the face. They went back to Bill's room and
-the officer left without a word. Bill lay down on his cot.</p>
-
-<p>Presently Major Grey entered the room. He came over to the cot. "I'm
-sorry it had to be this way, Bill."</p>
-
-<p>Bill's words came tonelessly from his dry throat. "Was it necessary to
-be cruel?"</p>
-
-<p>"It was necessary to test the result of her psycho-surgery. Also, it
-will help her over her shame. She might otherwise have retained a seed
-of fear that she still loved you."</p>
-
-<p>Bill did not feel anything any more. Staring at the ceiling, he knew
-there was no place left for him in this world and no one in it who
-needed him. The only person who had really needed him had been Mary,
-and he could not bear to think of how he had treated her. Now the
-Medicorps was efficiently curing the child of the hurt he had done her.
-They had already erased from Clara any need for him she had ever felt.</p>
-
-<p>This seemed funny and he began to laugh. "Everyone is being cured of
-me."</p>
-
-<p>"Yes, Bill. That is necessary." When Bill went on laughing Major
-Grey's voice turned quite sharp. "Come with me. It's time for your
-trial."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>The enormous room in which they held the trial was utterly barren.
-At the great oaken table around which they all sat, there were three
-Medicorps officers in addition to Major Grey.</p>
-
-<p>Helen did not speak to Bill when they brought him in. He was placed on
-the same side of the table with an officer between them. Two orderlies
-stood behind Bill's chair. Other than these people, there was no one in
-the room.</p>
-
-<p>The great windows were high above the floor and displayed only the
-blissful sky. Now and then Bill saw a flock of pigeons waft aloft on
-silver-turning wings. Everyone at the table except himself had a copy
-of his case report and they discussed it with clipped sentences.
-Between the stone floor and the vaulted ceiling, a subtle echolalia
-babbled about Bill's problem behind their human talk.</p>
-
-<p>The discussion of the report lulled when Major Grey rapped on the
-table. He glanced unsmiling from face to face, and his voice hurried
-the ritualized words: "This is a court of medicine, co-joining the
-results of medical science and considered lay judgment to arrive
-at a decision in the case of patient Bill Walden. The patient is
-hospitalized for a history of drug refusal and communication breaks. We
-have before us the medical case record of patient Walden. Has everyone
-present studied this record?"</p>
-
-<p>All at the table nodded.</p>
-
-<p>"Do all present feel competent to pass judgment in this case?"</p>
-
-<p>Again there came the agreement.</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey continued, "It is my duty to advise you, in the presence
-of the patient, of the profound difference between a trial for simple
-drug refusal and one in which that aberration is compounded with
-communication breaks.</p>
-
-<p>"It is true that no other aberration is possible when the drugs are
-taken as prescribed. After all, the drugs <i>are</i> the basis for our
-schizophrenic society. Nevertheless, simple drug refusal often is a
-mere matter of physiology, which is easy enough to remedy.</p>
-
-<p>"A far more profound threat to our society is the break in
-communication. This generally is more deeply motivated in the patient,
-and is often inaccessible to therapy. Such a patient is driven to
-emotive explorations which place the various ancient passions, and the
-infamous art of <i>historical gesture</i>, such as 'give me liberty or give
-me death,' above the welfare of society."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Bill watched the birds flash down the sky, a handful of heavenly
-coin. Never had it seemed to him so good to look at the sky. <i>If they
-hospitalize me</i>, he thought, <i>I will be content forever to sit and look
-from windows.</i></p>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<div class="figcenter">
- <img src="images/illus4.jpg" width="382" height="500" alt=""/>
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p>"Our schizophrenic society," Major Grey was saying, "holds together and
-runs smoothly because, in each individual, the personality conflicts
-have been compartmentalized between hyperalter and hypoalter. On
-the social level, conflicting personalities are kept on opposite
-shifts and never contact each other. Or they are kept on shifts where
-contact is possible no more than one or two days out of ten. Bill
-Walden's break of shift is the type of behavior designed to reactivate
-these conflicts, and to generate the destructive passions on which
-an undrugged mind feeds. Already illness and disrupted lives have
-resulted."</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey paused and looked directly at Bill. "Exhaustive tests
-have demonstrated that your entire personality is involved. I might
-also say that the aberration to live without the drugs and to break
-communication codes <i>is</i> your personality. All these Medicorps officers
-are agreed on that diagnosis. It remains now for us of the Medicorps
-to sit with the laymen intimately involved and decide on the action
-to be taken. The only possible alternatives after that diagnosis are
-permanent hospitalization or ... total removal of the personality by
-mnemonic erasure."</p>
-
-<p>Bill could not speak. He saw Major Grey nod to one of the orderlies
-and felt the man pushing up his sleeve and injecting his nerveless arm.
-They were forcing him to shift, he knew, so that Conrad Manz could sit
-on the trial and participate.</p>
-
-<p>Helplessly, he watched the great sky blacken and the room dim and
-disappear.</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>Major Grey did not avert his face, as did the others, while the shift
-was in progress. Helen Walden, he saw, was dramatizing her shame at
-being present during a shift, but the Medicorps officers simply stared
-at the table. Major Grey watched the face of Conrad Manz take form
-while the man who was going to be tried faded.</p>
-
-<p>Bill Walden had been without makeup, and as soon as he was sure Manz
-could hear him, Major Grey apologized. "I hope you won't object to this
-brief interlude in public without makeup. You are present at the trial
-of Bill Walden."</p>
-
-<p>Conrad Manz nodded and Major Grey waited another full minute for the
-shift to complete itself before he continued. "Mr. Manz, during the
-two days you waited in the hospital for us to catch Walden in shift, I
-discussed this case quite thoroughly with you, especially as it applied
-to the case of Clara Manz, on which we were already working.</p>
-
-<p>"You will recall that in the case of your wife, the Medicorps diagnosis
-was one of a clearly localized aberration. It was quite simple to apply
-the mnemonic eraser to that small section without disturbing in any way
-her basic personality. Medicorps agreement was for this procedure and
-the case did not come to trial, but simply went to operation, because
-lay agreement was obtained. First yourself and eventually&mdash;" Major Grey
-paused and let the memory of Helen's stubborn insistence that Clara die
-stir in Conrad's mind&mdash;"Mrs. Walden agreed with the Medicorps."</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey let the room wait in silence for a while. "The case of
-Bill Walden is quite different. The aberration involves the whole
-personality, and the alternative actions to be taken are permanent
-hospitalization or total erasure. In this case, I believe that
-Medicorps opinion will be divided as to proper action and&mdash;" Major Grey
-paused again and looked levelly at Conrad Manz&mdash;"this may be true,
-also, of the lay opinion."</p>
-
-<p>"How's that, Major?" demanded the highest ranking Medicorps officer
-present, a colonel named Hart, a tall, handsome man on whom the
-military air was a becoming skin. "What do you mean about Medicorps
-opinion being divided?"</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey answered quietly, "I'm holding out for hospitalization."</p>
-
-<p>Colonel Hart's face reddened. He thrust it forward and straightened his
-back. "That's preposterous! This is a clear-cut case of a dangerous
-threat to our society, and we, let me remind you, are <i>sworn</i> to
-protect that society."</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey felt very tired. It was, after all, difficult to understand
-why he always fought so hard against erasure of these aberrant cases.
-But he began with quiet determination. "The threat to society is
-effectively removed by either of the alternatives, hospitalization
-or total erasure. I think you can all see from Bill Walden's medical
-record that his is a well rounded personality with a remarkable
-mind. In the environment of the 20th Century, he would have been an
-outstanding citizen, and possibly, if there had been more like him, our
-present society would have been better for it.</p>
-
-<p>"Our history has been one of weeding out all personalities that did not
-fit easily into our drugged society. Today there are so few left that I
-have handled only 136 in my entire career...."</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey saw that Helen Walden was tensing in her chair. He realized
-suddenly that she sensed better than he the effect he was having on the
-other men.</p>
-
-<p>"We should not forget that each time we erase one of these
-personalities," he pressed on relentlessly, "society loses irrevocably
-a certain capacity for change. If we eliminate all personalities who
-do not fit, we may find ourselves without any minds capable of meeting
-future change. Our direct ancestors were largely the inmates of mental
-hospitals ... we are fortunate <i>they</i> were not erased. Conrad Manz," he
-asked abruptly, "what is your opinion on the case of Bill Walden?"</p>
-
-<p>Helen Walden started, but Conrad Manz shrugged his muscular shoulders.
-"Oh, hospitalize the three-headed monster!"</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey snapped his eyes directly past Colonel Hart and fastened
-them on the Medicorps captain. "Your opinion, Captain?"</p>
-
-<p>But Helen Walden was too quick. Before he could rap the table for
-order, she had her thin words hanging in the echoing room. "Having been
-Mr. Walden's wife for 15 years, my sentiments naturally incline me to
-ask for hospitalization. That is why I may safely say, if Major Grey
-will pardon me, that the logic of the drugs does not entirely fail us
-in a situation like this."</p>
-
-<p>Helen waited while all present got the idea that Major Grey had accused
-them of being illogical. "Bill's aberration has led to our daughter's
-illness. And think how quickly it contaminated Clara Manz! I cannot ask
-that society any longer expose itself, even to the extent of keeping
-Bill in the isolation of the hospital, for my purely sentimental
-reasons.</p>
-
-<p>"As for Major Grey's closing remarks, I cannot see how it is fair to
-bring my husband to trial as a threat to society, if some future chance
-is expected, in which a man of his behavior would benefit society.
-Surely such a change could only be one that would ruin our present
-world, or Bill would hardly fit it. I would not want to save Bill or
-anyone else for such a future."</p>
-
-<p>She did not have to say anything further. Both of the other Medicorps
-officers were now fully roused to their duty. Colonel Hart, of course,
-"humphed" at the opinions of a woman and cast his with Major Grey. But
-the fate of Bill Walden was sealed.</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey sat, weary and uneasy, as the creeping little doubts began.
-In the end, he would be left with the one big stone-heavy doubt ...
-could he have gone through with this if he had not been drugged, and
-how would the logic of the trial look without drugs?</p>
-
-<p>He became aware of the restiveness in the room. They were waiting for
-him, now that the decision was irrevocable. Without the drugs, he
-reflected, they might be feeling&mdash;what was the ancient word, <i>guilt</i>?
-No, that was what the criminal felt. <i>Remorse?</i> That would be what they
-should be feeling. Major Grey wished Helen Walden could be forced to
-witness the erasure. People did not realize what it was like.</p>
-
-<p>What was it Bill had said? "You should see how foolish these
-communication codes took when you are undrugged. This stupid
-hide-and-seek of shifting...."</p>
-
-<p>Well, wasn't that a charge to be <i>inspected</i> seriously, if you were
-taking it seriously enough to kill the man for it? As soon as this case
-was completed, he would have to return to his city and blot himself out
-so that his own hyperalter, Ralph Singer, a painter of bad pictures and
-a useless fool, could waste five more days. To that man he lost half
-his possible living days. What earthly good was Singer?</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey roused himself and motioned the orderly to inject Conrad
-Manz, so that Bill Walden would be forced back into shift.</p>
-
-<p>"As soon as I have advised the patient of our decision, you will all be
-dismissed. Naturally, I anticipated this decision and have arranged for
-immediate erasure. After the erasure, Mr. Manz, you will be instructed
-to appear regularly for suspended animation."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>For some reason, the first thing Bill Walden did when he became
-conscious of his surroundings was to look out the great window for the
-flock of birds. But they were gone.</p>
-
-<p>Bill looked at Major Grey and said, "What are you going to do?"</p>
-
-<p>The officer ran his hand back through his whitening hair, but he looked
-at Bill without wavering. "You will be erased."</p>
-
-<p>Bill began to shake his head. "There is something wrong," he said.</p>
-
-<p>"Bill...." the major began.</p>
-
-<p>"There is something wrong," Bill repeated hopelessly. "Why must we be
-split so there is always something missing in each of us? Why must we
-be stupefied with drugs that keep us from knowing what we should feel?
-I was trying to live a better life. I did not want to hurt anyone."</p>
-
-<p>"But you <i>did</i> hurt others," Major Grey said bluntly. "You would do so
-again if allowed to function in your own way in this society. Yet it
-would be insufferable to you to be hospitalized. You would be shut off
-forever from searching for another Clara Manz. And&mdash;there is no one
-else for you, is there?"</p>
-
-<p>Bill looked up, his eyes cringing as though they stared at death. "No
-one else?" he asked vacantly. "No one?"</p>
-
-<p>The two orderlies lifted him up by his arms, almost carrying him into
-the operating room. His feet dragged helplessly. He made no resistance
-as they lifted him onto the operating table and strapped him down.</p>
-
-<p>Beside him was the great panel of the mnemonic eraser with its thousand
-unblinking eyes. The helmetlike prober cabled to this calculator was
-fastened about his skull, and he could no longer see the professor who
-was lecturing in the amphitheater above. But along his body he could
-see the group of medical students. They were looking at him with great
-interest, too young not to let the human drama interfere with their
-technical education.</p>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<div class="figcenter">
- <img src="images/illus5.jpg" width="600" height="236" alt=""/>
-</div>
-
-<hr class="chap" />
-
-<p>The professor, however, droned in a purely objective voice. "The
-mnemonic eraser can selectively shunt from the brain any identifiable
-category of memory, and erase the synaptic patterns associated with its
-translation into action. Circulating memory is disregarded. The machine
-only locates and shunts out those energies present as permanent memory.
-These are there in part as permanently echoing frequencies in closed
-cytoplasmic systems. These systems are in contact with the rest of the
-nervous system only during the phenomenon of remembrance. Remembrance
-occurs when, at all the synapses in a given network 'y,' the
-permanently echoing frequencies are duplicated as transient circulating
-frequencies.</p>
-
-<p>"The objective in a total operation of the sort before us is to
-distinguish all the stored permanent frequencies, typical of the
-personality you wish to extinguish, from the frequencies typical of the
-other personality present in the brain."</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey's face, very tired, but still wearing a mask of adamant
-reassurance, came into Bill's vision. "There will be a few moments of
-drug-induced terror, Bill. That is necessary for the operation. I hope
-knowing it beforehand will help you ride with it. It will not be for
-long." He squeezed Bill's shoulder and was gone.</p>
-
-<p>"The trick was learned early in our history, when this type of total
-operation was more often necessary," the professor continued. "It is
-really quite simple to extinguish one personality while leaving the
-other undisturbed. The other personality in the case before us has
-been drug-immobilized to keep this one from shifting. At the last
-moment, this personality before us will be drug-stimulated to bring
-it to the highest possible pitch of total activity. This produces
-utterly disorganized activity, every involved neuron and synapse being
-activated simultaneously by the drug. It is then a simple matter for
-the mnemonic eraser to locate all permanently echoing frequencies
-involved in this personality and suck them into its receiver."</p>
-
-<p>Bill was suddenly aware that a needle had been thrust into his arm.
-Then it was as though all the terror, panic and traumatic incidents of
-his whole life leaped into his mind. All the pleasant experiences and
-feelings he had ever known were there, too, but were transformed into
-terror.</p>
-
-<p>A bell was ringing with regular strokes. Across the panel of the
-mnemonic eraser, the tiny counting lights were alive with movement.</p>
-
-<p>There was in Bill a fright, a demand for survival so great that it
-could not be felt.</p>
-
-<p>It was actually from an island of complete calm that part of him saw
-the medical students rising dismayed and white-faced from their seats.
-It was apart from himself that his body strained to lift some mountain
-and filled the operating amphitheater with shrieking echoes. And all
-the time the thousand eyes of the mnemonic eraser flickered in swift
-patterns, a silent measure of the cells and circuits of his mind.</p>
-
-<p>Abruptly the tiny red counting lights went off, a red beam glowed with
-a burr of warning. Someone said, "Now!" The mind of Bill Walden flashed
-along a wire as electrical energy and, converted on the control panel
-into mechanical energy, it spun a small ratchet counter.</p>
-
-<p>"Please sit down," the professor said to the shaken students. "The drug
-that has kept the other personality immobilized is being counteracted
-by this next injection. Now that the sickly personality has been
-dissipated, the healthy one can be brought back rapidly.</p>
-
-<p>"As you are aware, the synapse operates on the binary 'yes-no' choice
-system of an electronic calculator. All synapses which were involved in
-the diseased personality have now been reduced to an atypical, uniform
-threshold. Thus they can be re-educated in new patterns by the healthy
-personality remaining.... There, you see the countenance of the healthy
-personality appearing."</p>
-
-<hr class="tb" />
-
-<p>It was Conrad Manz who looked up at them with a wry grin. He rotated
-his shoulders to loosen them. "How many of you pushed old Bill Walden
-around? He left me with some sore muscles. Well, I did that often
-enough to him...."</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey stood over him, face sick and white with the horror of
-what he had seen. "According to law, Mr. Manz, you and your wife are
-entitled to five rest days on your next shift. When they are over, you
-will, of course, report for suspended animation for what would have
-been your hyperalter's shift."</p>
-
-<p>Conrad Manz's grin shrank and vanished. "<i>Would</i> have been? Bill
-is&mdash;gone?"</p>
-
-<p>"Yes."</p>
-
-<p>"I never thought I'd miss him." Conrad looked as sick as Major Grey
-felt. "It makes me feel&mdash;I don't know if I can explain it&mdash;sort of
-<i>amputated</i>. As though something's wrong with me because everybody else
-has an alter and I don't. Did the poor son of a straitjacket suffer
-much?"</p>
-
-<p>"I'm afraid he did."</p>
-
-<p>Conrad Manz lay still for a moment with his eyes closed and his mouth
-thin with pity and remorse. "What will happen to Helen?"</p>
-
-<p>"She'll be all right," Major Grey said. "There will be Bill's
-insurance, naturally, and she won't have much trouble finding another
-husband. That kind never seems to."</p>
-
-<p>"Five rest days?" Conrad repeated. "Is that what you said?" He sat up
-and swung his legs off the table, and he was grinning again. "I'll get
-in a whole shift of jet-skiing! No, wait&mdash;I've got a date with the wife
-of a friend of mine out at the rocket grounds. I'll take Clara out
-there; she'll like some of the men."</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey nodded abstractedly. "Good idea." He shook hands with
-Conrad Manz, wished him fun on his rest shift, and left.</p>
-
-<p>Taking a helicopter back to his city, Major Grey thought of his own
-hyperalter, Ralph Singer. He'd often wished that the silly fool
-could be erased. Now he wondered how it would be to have only one
-personality, and, wondering, realized that Conrad Manz had been
-right&mdash;it <i>would</i> be like amputation, the shameful distinction of
-living in a schizophrenic society with no alter.</p>
-
-<p>No, Bill Walden had been wrong, completely wrong, both about drugs
-and being split into two personalities. What one made up in pleasure
-through not taking drugs was more than lost in the suffering of
-conflict, frustration and hostility. And having an alter&mdash;any kind,
-even one as useless as Singer&mdash;meant, actually, <i>not being alone</i>.</p>
-
-<p>Major Grey parked the helicopter and found a shifting station. He took
-off his makeup, addressed and mailed his clothes, and waited for the
-shift to come.</p>
-
-<p>It was a pretty wonderful society he lived in, he realized. He wouldn't
-trade it for the kind Bill Walden had wanted. Nobody in his right mind
-would.</p>
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-<pre>
-
-
-
-
-
-End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Beyond Bedlam, by Wyman Guin
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-</pre>
-
-</body>
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@@ -1,2971 +0,0 @@
-The Project Gutenberg EBook of Beyond Bedlam, by Wyman Guin
-
-This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
-almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
-re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
-with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license
-
-
-Title: Beyond Bedlam
-
-Author: Wyman Guin
-
-Release Date: April 23, 2016 [EBook #51842]
-
-Language: English
-
-Character set encoding: ASCII
-
-*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK BEYOND BEDLAM ***
-
-
-
-
-Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online
-Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
- BEYOND BEDLAM
-
- By WYMAN GUIN
-
- Illustrated by DAVID STONE
-
- [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from
- Galaxy Science Fiction August 1951.
- Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that
- the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]
-
-
-
-
- However fantastic it may seem, the society
- so elaborately described in this story has
- its seeds in ours. Just check the data....
-
-
-The opening afternoon class for Mary Walden's ego-shift was almost
-over, and Mary was practically certain the teacher would not call on
-her to recite her assignment, when Carl Blair got it into his mind to
-try to pass her a dirty note. Mary knew it would be a screamingly
-funny Ego-Shifting Room limerick and was about to reach for the note
-when Mrs. Harris's voice crackled through the room.
-
-"Carl Blair! I believe you have an important message. Surely you will
-want the whole class to hear it. Come forward, please."
-
-As he made his way before the class, the boy's blush-covered freckles
-reappeared against his growing pallor. Haltingly and in an agonized
-monotone, he recited from the note:
-
- "There was a young hyper named Phil,
- Who kept a third head for a thrill.
- Said he, 'It's all right,
- I enjoy my plight.
- I shift my third out when it's chill.'"
-
-The class didn't dare laugh. Their eyes burned down at their laps in
-shame. Mary managed to throw Carl Blair a compassionate glance as he
-returned to his seat, but she instantly regretted ever having been kind
-to him.
-
-"Mary Walden, you seemed uncommonly interested in reading something
-just now. Perhaps you wouldn't mind reading your assignment to the
-class."
-
-There it was, and just when the class was almost over. Mary could have
-scratched Carl Blair. She clutched her paper grimly and strode to the
-front.
-
-"Today's assignment in Pharmacy History is, 'Schizophrenia since the
-Ancient Pre-pharmacy days.'" Mary took enough breath to get into the
-first paragraph.
-
-"Schizophrenia is where two or more personalities live in the
-same brain. The ancients of the 20th Century actually looked upon
-schizophrenia as a disease! Everyone felt it was very shameful to have
-a schizophrenic person in the family, and, since children lived right
-with the same parents who had borne them, it was very bad. If you were
-a schizophrenic child in the 20th Century, you would be locked up
-behind bars and people would call you--"
-
-Mary blushed and stumbled over the daring word--"crazy." "The ancients
-locked up strong ego groups right along with weak ones. Today we would
-lock up those ancient people."
-
- * * * * *
-
-The class agreed silently.
-
-"But there were more and more schizophrenics to lock up. By 1950 the
-_prisons_ and hospitals were so full of schizophrenic people that
-the ancients did not have room left to lock up any more. They were
-beginning to see that soon everyone would be schizophrenic.
-
-"Of course, in the 20th Century, the schizophrenic people were almost
-as helpless and 'crazy' as the ancient Modern men. Naturally they did
-not fight wars and lead the silly life of the Moderns, but without
-proper drugs they couldn't control their Ego-shiftability. The
-personalities in a brain would always be fighting each other. One
-personality would cut the body or hurt it or make it filthy, so that
-when the other personality took over the body, it would have to suffer.
-No, the schizophrenic people of the 20th Century were almost as 'crazy'
-as the ancient Moderns.
-
-"But then the drugs were invented one by one and the schizophrenic
-people of the 20th Century were freed of their troubles. With the
-drugs the personalities of each body were able to live side by side in
-harmony at last. It turned out that many schizophrenic people, called
-overendowed personalities, simply had so many talents and viewpoints
-that it took two or more personalities to handle everything.
-
-"The drugs worked so well that the ancients had to let millions of
-schizophrenic people out from behind the bars of 'crazy' houses. That
-was the Great Emancipation of the 1990s. From then on, schizophrenic
-people had trouble only when they criminally didn't take their drugs.
-Usually, there are two egos in a schizophrenic person--the hyperalter,
-or prime ego, and the hypoalter, the alternate ego. There often were
-more than two, but the Medicorps makes us take our drugs so that won't
-happen to us.
-
-"At last someone realized that if everyone took the new drugs, the
-great wars would stop. At the World Congress of 1997, laws were passed
-to make everyone take the drugs. There were many fights over this
-because some people wanted to stay Modern and fight wars. The Medicorps
-was organized and told to kill anyone who wouldn't take their drugs as
-prescribed. Now the laws are enforced and everybody takes the drugs and
-the hyperalter and hypoalter are each allowed to have the body for an
-ego-shift of five days...."
-
-Mary Walden faltered. She looked up at the faces of her classmates,
-started to turn to Mrs. Harris and felt the sickness growing in her
-head. Six great waves of crescendo silence washed through her. The
-silence swept away everything but the terror, which stood in her frail
-body like a shrieking rock.
-
-Mary heard Mrs. Harris hurry to the shining dispensary along one
-wall of the classroom and return to stand before her with a swab of
-antiseptic and a disposable syringe.
-
-Mrs. Harris helped her to a chair. A few minutes after the expert
-injection, Mary's mind struggled back from its core of silence.
-
-"Mary, dear, I'm sorry. I haven't been watching you closely enough."
-
-"Oh, Mrs. Harris...." Mary's chin trembled. "I hope it never happens
-again."
-
-"Now, child, we all have to go through these things when we're young.
-You're just a little slower than the others in acclimatizing to the
-drugs. You'll be fourteen soon and the medicop assures me you'll be
-over this sort of thing just as the others are."
-
-Mrs. Harris dismissed the class and when they had all filed from the
-room, she turned to Mary.
-
-"I think, dear, we should visit the clinic together, don't you?"
-
-"Yes, Mrs. Harris." Mary was not frightened now. She was just ashamed
-to be such a difficult child and so slow to acclimatize to the drugs.
-
-As she and the teacher walked down the long corridor to the clinic,
-Mary made up her mind to tell the medicop what she thought was wrong.
-It was not herself. It was her hypoalter, that nasty little Susan
-Shorrs. Sometimes, when Susan had the body, the things Susan was doing
-and thinking came to Mary like what the ancients had called _dreams_,
-and Mary had never liked this secondary ego whom she could never really
-know. Whatever was wrong, it was Susan's doing. The filthy creature
-never took care of her hair, it was always so messy when Susan shifted
-the body to her.
-
-Mrs. Harris waited while Mary went into the clinic.
-
-Mary was glad to find Captain Thiel, the nice medicop, on duty. But she
-was silent while the X-rays were being taken, and, of course, while he
-got the blood samples, she concentrated on being brave.
-
-Later, while Captain Thiel looked in her eyes with the bright little
-light, Mary said calmly, "Do you know my hypoalter, Susan Shorrs?"
-
-The medicop drew back and made some notes on a pad before answering.
-"Why, yes. She's in here quite often too."
-
-"Does she look like me?"
-
-"Not much. She's a very nice little girl...." He hesitated, visibly
-fumbling.
-
-Mary blurted, "Tell me truly, what's she like?"
-
-Captain Thiel gave her his nice smile. "Well, I'll tell you a secret if
-you keep it to yourself."
-
-"Oh, I promise."
-
-He leaned over and whispered in her ear and she liked the clean odor of
-him. "She's not nearly as pretty as you are."
-
-Mary wanted very badly to put her arms around him and hug him. Instead,
-wondering if Mrs. Harris, waiting outside, had heard, she drew back
-self-consciously and said, "Susan is the cause of all this trouble, the
-nasty little thing."
-
-"Oh now!" the medicop exclaimed. "I don't think so, Mary. She's in
-trouble, too, you know."
-
-"She still eats sauerkraut." Mary was defiant.
-
-"But what's wrong with that?"
-
-"You told her not to last year because it makes me sick on my shift.
-But it agrees in buckets with a little pig like her."
-
-The medicop took this seriously. He made a note on the pad. "Mary, you
-should have complained sooner."
-
-"Do you think my father might not like me because Susan Shorrs is my
-hypoalter?" she asked abruptly.
-
-"I hardly think so, Mary. After all, he doesn't even know her. He's
-never on her Ego shift."
-
-"A little bit," Mary said, and was immediately frightened.
-
-Captain Thiel glanced at her sharply. "What do you mean by that, child?"
-
-"Oh, nothing," Mary said hastily. "I just thought maybe he was."
-
-"Let me see your pharmacase," he said rather severely.
-
-Mary slipped the pharmacase off the belt at her waist and handed it
-to him. Captain Thiel extracted the prescription card from the back
-and threw it away. He slipped a new card in the taping machine on his
-desk and punched out a new prescription, which he reinserted in the
-pharmacase. In the space on the front, he wrote directions for Mary to
-take the drugs numbered from left to right.
-
-Mary watched his serious face and remembered that he had complimented
-her about being prettier than Susan. "Captain Thiel, is your hypoalter
-as handsome as you are?"
-
-The young medicop emptied the remains of the old prescription from the
-pharmacase and took it to the dispensary in the corner, where he slid
-it into the filling slot. He seemed unmoved by her question and simply
-muttered, "Much handsomer."
-
-The machine automatically filled the case from the punched card on its
-back and he returned it to Mary. "Are you taking your drugs exactly as
-prescribed? You know there are very strict laws about that, and as soon
-as you are fourteen, you will be held to them."
-
-Mary nodded solemnly. Great straitjackets, who didn't know there were
-laws about taking your drugs?
-
-There was a long pause and Mary knew she was supposed to leave. She
-wanted, though, to stay with Captain Thiel and talk with him. She
-wondered how it would be if he were appointed her father.
-
-Mary was not hurt that her shy compliment to him had gone unnoticed.
-She had only wanted something to talk about. Finally she said
-desperately, "Captain Thiel, how is it possible for a body to change as
-much from one Ego shift to another as it does between Susan and me?"
-
-"There isn't all the change you imagine," he said. "Have you had your
-first physiology?"
-
-"Yes. I was very good...." Mary saw from his smile that her inadvertent
-little conceit had trapped her.
-
-"Then, Miss Mary Walden, how do _you_ think it is possible?"
-
-Why did teachers and medicops have to be this way? When all you wanted
-was to have them talk to you, they turned everything around and made
-you think.
-
-She quoted unhappily from her schoolbook, "The main things in an
-ego shift are the two vegetative nervous systems that translate the
-conditions of either personality to the blood and other organs right
-from the brain. The vegetative nervous systems change the rate at which
-the liver burns or stores sugar and the rate at which the kidneys
-excrete...."
-
-Through the closed door to the other room, Mrs. Harris's voice raised
-at the visiophone said distinctly, "_But, Mr. Walden...._"
-
-"Reabsorb," corrected Captain Thiel.
-
-"What?" She didn't know what to listen to--the medicop or the distant
-voice of Mrs. Harris.
-
-"It's better to think of the kidneys as reabsorbing salts and nutrients
-from the filtrated blood."
-
-"Oh."
-
-"_But, Mr. Walden, we can overdo a good thing. The proper amount of
-neglect is definitely required for full development of some personality
-types and Mary certainly is one of those...._"
-
-"What about the pituitary gland that's attached to the brain and
-controls all the other glands during the shift of egos?" pressed
-Captain Thiel distractingly.
-
-"_But, Mr. Walden, too much neglect at this critical point may cause
-another personality to split off and we can't have that. Adequate
-personalities are congenital. A new one now would only rob the present
-personalities. You are the appointed parent of this child and the Board
-of Education will enforce your compliance with our diagnosis...._"
-
-Mary's mind leaped to a page in one of her childhood storybooks. It
-was an illustration of a little girl resting beneath a great tree that
-overhung a brook. There were friendly little wild animals about. Mary
-could see the page clearly and she thought about it very hard instead
-of crying.
-
-"Aren't you interested any more, Mary?" Captain Thiel was looking at
-her strangely.
-
-The agitation in her voice was a surprise. "I have to get home. I have
-a lot of things to do."
-
-Outside, when Mrs. Harris seemed suddenly to realize that something was
-wrong, and delicately probed to find out whether her angry voice had
-been overheard, Mary said calmly and as if it didn't matter, "Was my
-father home when you called him before?"
-
-"Why--yes, Mary. But you mustn't pay any attention to conversations
-like that, darling."
-
-_You can't force him to like me_, she thought to herself, and she was
-angry with Mrs. Harris because now her father would only dislike her
-more.
-
-Neither her father nor her mother was home when Mary walked into the
-evening-darkened apartment. It was the first day of the family shift,
-and on that day, for many periods now, they had not been home until
-late.
-
-Mary walked through the empty rooms, turning on lights. She passed
-up the electrically heated dinner her father had set out for her.
-Presently she found herself at the storage room door. She opened it
-slowly.
-
-After hesitating a while she went in and began an exhausting search for
-the old storybook with the picture in it.
-
-Finally she knew she could not find it. She stood in the middle of the
-junk-filled room and began to cry.
-
- * * * * *
-
-The day which ended for Mary Walden in lonely weeping should have been,
-for Conrad Manz, a pleasant rest day with an hour of rocket racing in
-the middle of it. Instead, he awakened with a shock to hear his wife
-actually _talking_ while she was _asleep_.
-
-He stood over her bed and made certain that she was asleep. It was as
-though her mind thought it was somewhere else, doing something else.
-Vaguely he remembered that the ancients did something called _dreaming_
-while they slept and the thought made him shiver.
-
-Clara Manz was saying, "Oh, Bill, they'll catch us. We can't pretend
-any more unless we have drugs. Haven't we any drugs, Bill?"
-
-Then she was silent and lay still. Her breathing was shallow and even
-in the dawn light her cheeks were deeply flushed against the blonde
-hair.
-
-Having just awakened, Conrad was on a very low drug level and the
-incident was unpleasantly disturbing. He picked up his pharmacase
-from beside his bed and made his way to the bathroom. He took his
-hypothalamic block and the integration enzymes and returned to the
-bedroom. Clara was still sleeping.
-
-She had been behaving oddly for some time, but there had never been
-anything as disturbing as this. He felt that he should call a medicop,
-but, of course, he didn't want to do anything that extreme. It was
-probably something with a simple explanation. Clara was a little
-scatterbrained at times. Maybe she had forgotten to take her sleeping
-compound and that was what caused _dreaming_. The very word made his
-powerful body chill. But if she was neglecting to take any of her drugs
-and he called in a medicop, it would be serious.
-
-Conrad went into the library and found the _Family Pharmacy_. He
-switched on a light in the dawn-shrunken room and let his heavy
-frame into a chair. _A Guide to Better Understanding of your Family
-Prescriptions. Official Edition, 2831._ The book was mostly Medicorps
-propaganda and almost never gave a practical suggestion. If something
-went wrong, you called a medicop.
-
-Conrad hunted through the book for the section on sleeping compound. It
-was funny, too, about that name Bill. Conrad went over all the men of
-their acquaintance with whom Clara had occasional affairs or with whom
-she was friendly and he couldn't remember a single Bill. In fact, the
-only man with that name whom he could think of was his own hyperalter,
-Bill Walden. But that was naturally impossible.
-
-Maybe dreaming was always about imaginary people.
-
- SLEEPING COMPOUND: An official mixture of soporific and
- hypnotic alkaloids and synthetics. A critical drug; an essential
- feature in every prescription. Slight deviations in following
- prescription are unallowable because of the subtle manner in which
- behavior may be altered over months or years. The first sleeping
- compound was announced by Thomas Marshall in 1986. The formula has
- been modified only twice since then.
-
-There followed a tightly packed description of the chemistry and
-pharmacology of the various ingredients. Conrad skipped through this.
-
- The importance of Sleeping Compound in the life of every individual
- and to society is best appreciated when we recall Marshall's words
- announcing its initial development:
-
- "It is during so-called _normal_ sleep that the vicious unconscious
- mind responsible for wars and other symptoms of unhappiness
- develops its resources and its hold on our conscious lives.
-
- "In this _normal_ sleep the critical faculties of the cortex are
- paralyzed. Meanwhile, the infantile unconscious mind expands
- misinterpreted experience into the toxic patterns of neurosis and
- psychosis. The conscious mind takes over at morning, unaware that
- these infantile motivations have been cleverly woven into its very
- structure.
-
- "Sleeping Compound will stop this. There is no unconscious activity
- after taking this harmless drug. We believe the Medicorps should at
- once initiate measures to acclimatize every child to its use. In
- these children, as the years go by, infantile patterns unable to
- work during sleep will fight a losing battle during waking hours
- with conscious patterns accumulating in the direction of
- adulthood."
-
-That was all there was--mostly the Medicorps patting its own back for
-saving humanity. But if you were in trouble and called a medicop, you'd
-risk getting into real trouble.
-
-Conrad became aware of Clara standing in the doorway. The flush of
-her disturbed emotions and the pallor of her fatigue mixed in ragged
-banners on her cheeks.
-
-Conrad waved the _Family Pharmacy_ with a foolish gesture of
-embarrassment.
-
-"Young lady, have you been neglecting to take your sleeping compound?"
-
-Clara turned utterly pale. "I--I don't understand."
-
-"You were talking in your sleep."
-
-"I--was?"
-
-She came forward so unsteadily that he helped her to a seat. She stared
-at him. He asked jovially, "Who is this 'Bill' you were so desperately
-involved with? Have you been having an affair I don't know about?
-Aren't my friends good enough for you?"
-
-The result of this banter was that she alarmingly began to cry,
-clutching her robe about her and dropping her blonde head on her knees
-and sobbing.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Children cried before they were acclimatized to the drugs, but Conrad
-Manz had never in his life seen an adult cry. Though he had taken his
-morning drugs and certain disrupting emotions were already impossible,
-nevertheless this sight was completely unnerving.
-
-In gasps between her sobs, Clara was saying, "Oh, I can't go back to
-taking them? But I can't keep this up! I just can't!"
-
-"Clara, darling, I don't know what to say or do. I think we ought to
-call the Medicorps."
-
-Intensely frightened, she rose and clung to him, begging, "Oh, no,
-Conrad, that isn't necessary! It isn't necessary at all. I've only
-neglected to take my sleeping compound and it won't happen again. All
-I need is a sleeping compound. Please get my pharmacase for me and it
-will be all right."
-
-She was so desperate to convince him that Conrad got the pharmacase and
-a glass of water for her only to appease the white face of fright.
-
-Within a few minutes of taking the sleeping compound, she was calm. As
-he put her back to bed, she laughed with a lazy indolence.
-
-"Oh, Conrad, you take it so seriously. I only needed a sleeping
-compound very badly and now I feel fine. I'll sleep all day. It's a
-rest day, isn't it? Now go race a rocket and stop worrying and thinking
-about calling the medicops."
-
-But Conrad did not go rocket racing as he had planned. Clara had been
-asleep only a few minutes when there was a call on the visiophone; they
-wanted him at the office. The city of Santa Fe would be completely out
-of balance within twelve shifts if revised plans were not put into
-operation immediately. They were to start during the next five days
-while he would be out of shift. In order to carry on the first day of
-their next shift, he and the other three traffic managers he worked
-with would have to come down today and familiarize themselves with the
-new operations.
-
-There was no getting out of it. His rest day was spoiled. Conrad
-resented it all the more because Santa Fe was clear out on the edge of
-their traffic district and could have been revised out of the Mexican
-offices just as well. But those boys down there rested all five days of
-their shift.
-
-Conrad looked in on Clara before he left and found her asleep in the
-total suspension of proper drug level. The unpleasant memory of her
-behavior made him squirm, but now that the episode was over, it no
-longer worried him. It was typical of him that, things having been set
-straight in the proper manner, he did not think of her again until late
-in the afternoon.
-
- * * * * *
-
-As early as 1950, the pioneer communications engineer Norbert
-Wiener had pointed out that there might be a close parallel between
-disassociation of personalities and the disruption of a communication
-system. Wiener referred back specifically to the first clear
-description, by Morton Prince, of multiple personalities existing,
-together in the same human body. Prince had described only individual
-cases and his observations were not altogether acceptable in Wiener's
-time. Nevertheless, in the schizophrenic society of the 29th Century,
-a major managerial problem was that of balancing the communicating and
-non-communicating populations in a city.
-
-As far as Conrad and the other traffic men present at the conference
-were concerned, Santa Fe was a resort and retirement area of 100,000
-human bodies, alive and consuming more than they produced every
-day of the year. Whatever the representatives of the Medicorps and
-Communications Board worked out, it would mean only slight changes in
-the types of foodstuffs, entertainment and so forth moving into Santa
-Fe, and Conrad could have grasped the entire traffic change in ten
-minutes after the real problem had been settled. But, as usual, he and
-the other traffic men had to sit through two hours while small wheels
-from the Medicorps and Communications acted big about rebalancing a
-city.
-
-For them, Conrad had to admit, Santa Fe was a great deal more complex
-than 100,000 consuming, moderately producing human bodies. It was
-200,000 human personalities, two to each body. Conrad wondered
-sometimes what they would have done if the three and four personality
-cases so common back in the 20th and 21st Centuries had been allowed to
-reproduce. The 200,000 personalities in Santa Fe were difficult enough.
-
-Like all cities, Santa Fe operated in five shifts, A, B, C, D, and E.
-
-Just as it was supposed to be for Conrad in his city, today was rest
-day for the 20,000 hypoalters on D-shift in Santa Fe. Tonight at around
-6:00 P.M. they would all go to shifting rooms and be replaced by their
-hyperalters, who had different tastes in food and pleasure and took
-different drugs.
-
-Tomorrow would be rest day for the hyperalters on E-shift and in the
-evening they would turn things over to their hyperalters.
-
-The next day it would be rest for the A-shift hyperalters and three
-days after that the D-shift hyperalters, including Bill Walden, would
-rest till evening, when Conrad and the D-shift hypoalters everywhere
-would again have their five day use of their bodies.
-
-Right now the trouble with Santa Fe's retired population, which worked
-only for its own maintenance, was that too many elderly people on the
-D-shift and E-shift had been dying off. This point was brought out by a
-dapper young department head from Communications.
-
-Conrad groaned when, as he knew would happen, a Medicorps officer
-promptly set out on an exhaustive demonstration that Medicorps
-predictions of deaths for Santa Fe had indicated clearly that
-Communications should have been moving people from D-shift and E-shift
-into the area.
-
-Actually, it appeared that someone from Communications had blundered
-and had overloaded the quota of people on A-shift and B-shift moving
-to Santa Fe. Thus on one rest day there weren't enough people working
-to keep things going, and later in the week there were so many
-available workers that they were clogging the city.
-
-None of this was heated exchange or in any way emotional. It was just
-interminably, exhaustively logical and boring. Conrad fidgeted through
-two hours of it, seeing his chance for a rocket race dissolving. When
-at last the problem of balanced shift-populations for Santa Fe was
-worked out, it took him and the other traffic men only a few minutes
-to apply their tables and reschedule traffic to coordinate with the
-population changes.
-
-Disgusted, Conrad walked over to the Tennis Club and had lunch.
-
-There were still two hours of his rest day left when Conrad Manz
-realized that Bill Walden was again forcing an early shift. Conrad
-was in the middle of a volley-tennis game and he didn't like having
-the shift forced so soon. People generally shifted at their appointed
-regular hour every five days, and a hyperalter was not supposed to use
-his power to force shift. It was such an unthinkable thing nowadays
-that there was occasional talk of abolishing the terms hyperalter and
-hypoalter because they were somewhat disparaging to the hypoalter, and
-really designated only the antisocial power of the hyperalter to force
-the shift.
-
-Bill Walden had been cheating two to four hours on Conrad every
-shift for several periods back. Conrad could have reported it to the
-Medicorps, but he himself was guilty of a constant misdemeanor about
-which Bill had not yet complained. Unlike the sedentary Walden, Conrad
-Manz enjoyed exercise. He overindulged in violent sports and put off
-sleep, letting Bill Walden make up the fatigue on his shift. That was
-undoubtedly why the poor old sucker had started cheating a few hours on
-Conrad's rest day.
-
-Conrad laughed to himself, remembering the time Bill Walden had
-registered a long list of sports which he wished Conrad to be
-restrained from--rocket racing, deepsea exploration, jet-skiing. It
-had only given Conrad some ideas he hadn't had before. The Medicorps
-had refused to enforce the list on the basis that danger and violent
-exercise were a necessary outlet for Conrad's constitution. Then poor
-old Bill had written Conrad a note threatening to sue him for any
-injury resulting from such sports. As if he had a chance against the
-Medicorps ruling!
-
-Conrad knew it was no use trying to finish the volley-tennis game. He
-lost interest and couldn't concentrate on what he was doing when Bill
-started forcing the shift. Conrad shot the ball back at his opponent in
-a blistering curve impossible to intercept.
-
-"So long," he yelled at the man. "I've got some things to do before my
-shift ends."
-
-He lounged into the locker rooms and showered, put his clothes and
-belongings, including his pharmacase, in a shipping carton, addressed
-them to his own home and dropped them in the mail chute.
-
-He stepped with languid nakedness across the hall, pressed his
-identifying wristband to a lock-face and dialed his clothing sizes.
-
-In this way he procured a neatly wrapped, clean shifting costume from
-the slot. He put it on without bothering to return to his shower room.
-
-He shouted a loud good-bye to no one in particular among the several
-men and women in the baths and stepped out onto the street.
-
-Conrad felt too good even to be sorry that his shift was over. After
-all, nothing happened except you came to, five days later, on your
-next shift. The important thing was the rest day. He had always said
-the last day of the shift should be a work day; then you would be glad
-it was over. He guessed the idea was to rest the body before another
-personality took over. Well, poor old Bill Walden never got a rested
-body. He probably slept off the first twelve hours.
-
-Walking unhurriedly through the street crowds, Conrad entered a public
-shifting station and found an empty room. As he started to open the
-door, a girl came out of the adjoining booth and Conrad hastily averted
-his glance. She was still rearranging her hair. There were so many rude
-people nowadays who didn't seem to care at all about the etiquette of
-shifting, women particularly. They were always redoing their hair or
-makeup where a person couldn't help seeing them.
-
-Conrad pressed his identifying wristband to the lock and entered the
-booth he had picked. The act automatically sent the time and his shift
-number to Medicorps Headquarters.
-
-Once inside the shifting room, Conrad went to the lavatory and turned
-on the faucet of makeup solvent. In spite of losing two hours of his
-rest day, he decided to be decent to old Bill, though he was half
-tempted to leave his makeup on. It was a pretty foul joke, of course,
-especially on a humorless fellow like poor Walden.
-
-Conrad creamed his face thoroughly and then washed in water and
-used the automatic dryer. He looked at his strong-lined features in
-the mirror. They displayed a less distinct expression of his own
-personality with the makeup gone.
-
-He turned away from the mirror and it was only then that he remembered
-he hadn't spoken to his wife before shifting. Well, he couldn't
-decently call up and let her see him without makeup.
-
-He stepped across to the visiophone and set the machine to deliver
-his spoken message in type: "Hello, Clara. Sorry I forgot to call you
-before. Bill Walden is forcing me to shift early again. I hope you're
-not still upset about that business this morning. Be a good girl and
-smile at me on the next shift. I love you. Conrad."
-
- * * * * *
-
-For a moment, when the shift came, the body of Conrad Manz stood
-moronically uninhabited. Then, rapidly, out of the gyri of its brain,
-the personality of Bill Walden emerged, replacing the slackly powerful
-attitude of Conrad by the slightly prim preciseness of Bill's bearing.
-
-The face, just now relaxed with readiness for action, was abruptly
-pulled into an intellectualized mask of tension by habitual patterns of
-conflict in the muscles. There were also acute momentary signs of clash
-between the vegetative nervous activity characteristic of Bill Walden
-and the internal homeostasis Conrad Manz had left behind him. The face
-paled as hypersensitive vascular beds closed down under new vegetative
-volleys.
-
-Bill Walden grasped sight and sound, and the sharp odor of makeup
-solvent stung his nostrils. He was conscious of only one clamoring,
-terrifying thought: _They will catch us. It cannot go on much longer
-without Helen guessing about Clara. She is already angry about Clara
-delaying the shift, and if she learns from Mary that I am cheating on
-Conrad's shift.... Any time now, perhaps this time, when the shift is
-over, I will be looking into the face of a medicop who is pulling a
-needle from my arm, and then it'll all be over._
-
-So far, at least, there was no medicop. Still feeling unreal but
-anxious not to lose precious moments, Bill took an individualized kit
-from the wall dispenser and made himself up. He was sparing and subtle
-in his use of the makeup, unlike the horrible makeup jobs Conrad Manz
-occasionally left on. Bill rearranged his hair. Conrad always wore it
-too short for his taste, but you couldn't complain about everything.
-
-Bill sat in a chair to await some of the slower aspects of the shift.
-He knew that an hour after he left the booth, his basal metabolic rate
-would be ten points higher. His blood sugar would go down steadily.
-In the next five days he would lose six to eight pounds, which Conrad
-later would promptly regain.
-
-Just as Bill was about to leave the booth, he remembered to pick up
-a news summary. He put his wristband to the switch on the telephoto
-and a freshly printed summary of the last five days in the world fell
-into the rack. His wristband, of course, called forth one edited for
-hyperalters on the D-shift.
-
-It did not mention by name any hypoalter on the D-shift. Should one
-of them have done something that it was necessary for Bill or other
-D-shift hyperalters to know about, it would appear in news summaries
-called forth by their wristbands--but told in such fashion that the
-personality involved seemed namelessly incidental, while names and
-pictures of hyperalters and hypoalters on any of the other four
-shifts naturally were freely used. The purpose was to keep Conrad
-Manz and all other hypoalters on the D-shift, one-tenth of the total
-population, non-existent as far as their hyperalters were concerned.
-This convention made it necessary for photoprint summaries to be on
-light-sensitive paper that blackened illegibly before six hours were
-up, so that a man might never stumble on news about his hypoalter.
-
-Bill did not even glance at the news summary. He had picked it up only
-for appearances. The summaries were essential if you were going to
-start where you left off on your last shift and have any knowledge of
-the five intervening days. A man just didn't walk out of a shifting
-room without one. It was failure to do little things like that that
-would start them wondering about him.
-
-Bill opened the door of the booth by applying his wristband to the lock
-and stepped out into the street.
-
-Late afternoon crowds pressed about him. Across the boulevard, a
-helicopter landing swarmed with clouds of rising commuters. Bill had
-some trouble figuring out the part of the city Conrad had left him
-in and walked two blocks before he understood where he was. Then he
-got into an idle two-place cab, started the motor with his wristband
-and hurried the little three-wheeler recklessly through the traffic.
-Clara was probably already waiting and he first had to go home and get
-dressed.
-
-The thought of Clara waiting for him in the park near her home was a
-sharp reminder of his strange situation. He was in a left you with
-shame, and a fear that the other fellow would tell people you seemed to
-have a pathological interest in your alter and must need a change in
-your prescription.
-
-But the most flagrant abuser of such morbid little exchanges would have
-been horrified to learn that right here, in the middle of the daylight
-traffic, was a man who was using his antisocial shifting power to meet
-in secret the wife of his own hypoalter!
-
-Bill did not have to wonder what the Medicorps would think. Relations
-between hyperalters world was literally not supposed to exist for
-him, for it was the world of his own hypoalter, Conrad Manz.
-
-Undoubtedly, there were people in the traffic up ahead who knew both
-him and Conrad, people from the other shifts who never mentioned the
-one to the other except in those guarded, snickering little confidences
-they couldn't resist telling and you couldn't resist listening to.
-After all, the most important person in the world was your alter. If he
-got sick, injured or killed, so would you.
-
-Thus, in moments of intimacy or joviality, an undercover exchange went
-on ... _I'll tell you about your hyperalter if you'll tell me about
-my hypoalter._ It was orthodox bad manners that and hypoalters of
-opposite sex were punishable--drastically punishable.
-
- * * * * *
-
-When he arrived at the apartment, Bill remembered to order a dinner for
-his daughter Mary. His order, dialed from the day's menu, was delivered
-to the apartment pneumatically and he set it out over electric warmers.
-He wanted to write a note to the child, but he started two and threw
-both in the basket. He couldn't think of anything to say to her.
-
-Staring at the lonely table he was leaving for Mary, Bill felt his
-guilt overwhelming him. He could stop the behavior which led to
-the guilt by taking his drugs as prescribed. They would return him
-immediately to the sane and ordered conformity of the world. He would
-no longer have to carry the fear that the Medicorps would discover he
-was not taking his drugs. He would no longer neglect his appointed
-child. He would no longer endanger the very life of Conrad's wife Clara
-and, of course, his own.
-
-When you took your drugs as prescribed, it was impossible to experience
-such ancient and primitive emotions as guilt. Even should you
-miscalculate and do something wrong, the drugs would not allow any
-such emotional reaction. To be free to experience his guilt over the
-lonely child who needed him was, for these reasons, a precious thing
-to Bill. In all the world, this night, he was undoubtedly the only man
-who could and did feel one of the ancient emotions. People felt shame,
-not guilt; conceit, not pride; pleasure, not desire. Now that he had
-stopped taking his drugs as prescribed, Bill realized that the drugs
-allowed only an impoverished segment of a vivid emotional spectrum.
-
-But however exciting it was to live them, the ancient emotions did not
-seem to act as deterrents to bad behavior. Bill's sense of guilt did
-not keep him from continuing to neglect Mary. His fear of being caught
-did not restrain him from breaking every rule of inter-alter law and
-loving Clara, his own hypoalter's wife.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Bill got dressed as rapidly as possible. He tossed the discarded
-shifting costume into the return chute. He retouched his makeup, trying
-to eliminate some of the heavy, inexpressive planes of muscularity
-which were more typical of Conrad than of himself.
-
-The act reminded him of the shame which his wife Helen had felt when
-she learned, a few years ago, that her own hypoalter, Clara, and his
-hypoalter, Conrad, had obtained from the Medicorps a special release
-to marry. Such rare marriages in which the same bodies lived together
-on both halves of a shift were something to snicker about. They verged
-on the antisocial, but could be arranged if the batteries of Medicorps
-tests could be satisfied.
-
-Perhaps it had been the very intensity of Helen's shame on learning
-of this marriage, the nauseous display of conformity so typical of
-his wife, that had first given Bill the idea of seeking out Clara,
-who had dared convention to make such a peculiar marriage. Over the
-years, Helen had continued blaming all their troubles on the fact that
-both egos of himself were living with, and intimate with, both egos of
-herself.
-
-So Bill had started cutting down on his drugs, the curiosity having
-become an obsession. What was this other part of Helen like, this
-Clara who was unconventional enough to want to marry only Bill's own
-hypoalter, in spite of almost certain public shame?
-
-He had first seen Clara's face when it formed on a visiophone, the
-first time he had forced Conrad to shift prematurely. It was softer
-than Helen's. The delicate contours were less purposefully, set, gayer.
-
-"Clara Manz?" Bill had sat there staring at the visiophone for several
-seconds, unable to continue. His great fear that she would immediately
-report him must have been naked on his face.
-
-He had watched an impish suspicion grow in the tender curve of her lips
-and her oblique glance from the visiophone. She did not speak.
-
-"Mrs. Manz," he finally said, "I would like to meet you in the park
-across from your home."
-
-To this awkward opening he owed the first time he had heard Clara
-laugh. Her warm, clear laughter, teasing him, tumbled forth like a
-cloud of gay butterflies.
-
-"Are you afraid to see me here at home because my husband might _walk
-in on us_?"
-
-Bill had been put completely at ease by this bantering indication that
-Clara knew who he was and welcomed him as an intriguing diversion.
-Quite literally, the one person who could not _walk in on them_, as the
-ancients thought of it, was his own hypoalter, Conrad Manz.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Bill finished retouching his makeup and hurried to leave the apartment.
-But this time, as he passed the table where Mary's dinner was set out,
-he decided to write a few words to the child, no matter how empty they
-sounded to himself. The note he left explained that he had some early
-work to do at the microfilm library where he worked.
-
-Just as Bill was leaving the apartment, the visiophone buzzed. In his
-hurry Bill flipped the switch before he thought. Too late, his hand
-froze and the implications of this call, an hour before anyone would
-normally be home, shot a shaft of terror through him.
-
-But it was not the image of a medicop that formed on the screen. The
-woman introduced herself as Mrs. Harris, one of Mary's teachers.
-
-It was strange that she should have thought he might be home. The
-shift for children was half a day earlier than that for adults, so
-the parents could have half their rest day free. This afternoon would
-be for Mary the first classes of her shift, but the teacher must have
-guessed something was wrong with the shifting schedules in Mary's
-family. Or had the child told her?
-
-Mrs. Harris explained rather dramatically that Mary was being
-neglected. What could he say; to her? That he was a criminal breaking
-drug regulations in the most flagrant manner? That nothing, not even
-the child appointed to him, meant more to him than his wife's own
-hypoalter? Bill finally ended the hopeless and possibly dangerous
-conversation by turning off the receiver and leaving the apartment.
-
-Bill realized that now, for both him and Clara, the greatest joy had
-been those first few times together. The enormous threat of a Medicorps
-retaliation took the pleasure from their contact and they came together
-desperately because, having tasted this fantastic non-conformity and
-the new undrugged intimacy, there was no other way for them. Even now
-as he drove through the traffic toward where she would be waiting, he
-was not so much concerned with meeting Clara in their fear-poisoned
-present as with the vivid, aching remembrance of what those meetings
-once had really been like.
-
-He recalled an evening they had spent lying on the summer lawn of the
-park, looking out at the haze-dimmed stars. It had been shortly after
-Clara joined him in cutting down on the drugs, and the clear memory of
-their quiet laughter so captured his mind now that Bill almost tangled
-his car in the traffic.
-
-In memory he kissed her again and, as it had then, the newly cut grass
-mixed with the exciting fragrance of her skin. After the kiss they
-continued a mock discussion of the ancient word "sin." Bill pretended
-to be trying to explain the meaning of the word to her, sometimes with
-definitions that kept them laughing and sometimes with demonstrational
-kisses that stopped their laughter.
-
-He could remember Clara's face turned to him in the evening light
-with an outrageous parody of interest. He could hear himself saying,
-"You see, the ancients would say we are not _sinning_ because they
-would disagree with the medicops that you and Helen are two completely
-different people, or that Conrad and I are not the same person."
-
-Clara kissed him with an air of tentative experimentation. "Mmm, no. I
-can't say I care for that interpretation."
-
-"You'd rather be sinning?"
-
-"Definitely."
-
-"Well, if the ancients did agree with the medicops that we are
-distinct from our alters, Helen and Conrad, then they would say we are
-sinning--but not for the same reasons the Medicorps would give."
-
-"That," asserted Clara, "is where I get lost. If this sinning business
-is going to be worth anything at all, it has to be something you can
-identify."
-
-Bill cut his car out of the main stream of traffic and toward the park,
-without interrupting his memory.
-
-"Well, darling, I don't want to confuse you, but the medicops would
-say we are sinning only because you are my wife's hypoalter, and I am
-your husband's hyperalter--in other words, for the very reason the
-ancients would say we are _not_ sinning. Furthermore, if either of us
-were with anyone else, the medicops would think it was perfectly all
-right, and so would Conrad and Helen. Provided, of course, I took a
-hyperalter and you took a hypoalter only."
-
-"Of course," Clara said, and Bill hurried over the gloomy fact.
-
-"The ancients, on the other hand, would say we are sinning because we
-are making love to someone we are not married to."
-
-"But what's the matter with that? Everybody does it."
-
-"The ancient Moderns didn't. Or, that is, they often did, but...."
-
-Clara brought her full lips hungrily to his. "Darling, I think the
-ancient Moderns had the right idea, though I don't see how they ever
-arrived at it."
-
-Bill grinned. "It was just an invention of theirs, along with the wheel
-and atomic energy."
-
-That evening was long gone by as Bill stopped the little taxi beside
-the park and left it there for the next user. He walked across the
-lawns toward the statue where he and Clara always met. The very thought
-of entering one's own hypoalter's house was so unnerving that Bill
-brought himself to do it only by first meeting Clara near the statue.
-As he walked between the trees, Bill could not again capture the spirit
-of that evening he had been remembering. The Medicorps was too close.
-It was impossible to laugh that way now.
-
-Bill arrived at the statue, but Clara was not there. He waited
-impatiently while a livid sunset coagulated between the branches of the
-great trees. Clara should have been there first. It was easier for her,
-because she was leaving her shift, and without doing it prematurely.
-
-The park was like a quiet backwater in the eddying rush of the evening
-city. Bill felt conspicuous and vulnerable in the gloaming light. Above
-all, he felt a new loneliness, and he knew that now Clara felt it, too.
-They needed each other as each had been, before fear had bleached their
-feeling to white bones of desperation.
-
-They were not taking their drugs as prescribed, and for that they would
-be horribly punished. That was the only unforgivable _sin_ in their
-world. By committing it, he and Clara had found out what life could be,
-in the same act that would surely take life from them. Their powerful
-emotions they had found in abundance simply by refusing to take the
-drugs, and by being together briefly each fifth day in a dangerous
-breach of all convention. The closer their discovery and the greater
-their terror, the more desperately they needed even their terror, and
-the more impossible became the delight of their first meetings.
-
-Telegraphing bright beads of sound, a night bird skimmed the sunset
-lawns to the looming statue and skewed around its monolithic base. The
-bird's piping doubled and then choked off as it veered frantically from
-Bill. After a while, far off through the park, it released a fading
-protest of song.
-
-Above Bill, the towering statue of the great Alfred Morris blackened
-against the sunset. The hollowed granite eyes bore down on him out
-of an undecipherable dark ... the ancient, implacable face of the
-Medicorps. As if to pronounce a sentence on his present crimes by a
-magical disclosure of the weight of centuries, a pool of sulfurous
-light and leaf shadows danced on the painted plaque at the base of the
-statue.
-
- On this spot in the Gregorian year 1996, Alfred Morris announced to
- an assembly of war survivors the hypothalamic block. His stirring
- words were, "This new drug selectively halts at the thalamic brain
- the upward flow of unconscious stimuli and the downward flow of
- unconscious motivations. It acts as a screen between the cerebrum
- and the psychosomatic discharge system. Using hypothalamic block,
- we will not act emotively, we will initiate acts only from the
- logical demands of situations."
-
- This announcement and the subsequent wholehearted action of the
- war-weary people made the taking of hypothalamic block obligatory.
- This put an end to the powerful play of unconscious mind in the
- public and private affairs of the ancient world. It ended the
- great paranoid wars and saved mankind.
-
-In the strange evening light, the letters seemed alive, a centuries-old
-condemnation of any who might try to go back to the ancient
-pre-pharmacy days. Of course, it was not really possible to go back.
-Without drugs, everybody and all society would fall apart.
-
-The ancients had first learned to keep endocrine deviates such as the
-diabetic alive with drugs. Later they learned with other drugs to
-"cure" the far more prevalent disease, schizophrenia, that was jamming
-their hospitals. The big change came when the ancients used these same
-drugs on everyone to control the private and public irrationality of
-their time and stop the wars.
-
-In this new, drugged world, the schizophrene thrived better than any,
-and the world became patterned on him. But, just as the diabetic was
-still diabetic, the schizophrene was still himself, plus the drugs.
-Meanwhile, everyone had forgotten what it was the drugs did to
-you--that the emotions experienced were blurred emotions, that insight
-was at an isolated level of rationality because the drugs kept true
-feelings from ever emerging.
-
-How inconceivable it would be to Helen and the other people of his
-world to live on as little drug as possible ... to experience the
-conflicting emotions, the interplay of passion and logic that almost
-tore you apart! Sober, the ancients called it, and they lived that way
-most of the time, with only the occasional crude and clublike effects
-of alcohol or narcotics to relieve their chronic anxiety.
-
-By taking as little hypothalamic block as possible, he and Clara were
-able to desire their fantastic attachment, to delight in an absolutely
-illogical situation unheard of in their society. But the society would
-judge their refusal to take hypothalamic block in only one sense. The
-weight of this judgment stood before him in the smoldering words, "_It
-ended the great paranoid wars and saved mankind_."
-
-When Clara did appear, she was searching myopically in the wrong
-vicinity of the statue. He did not call to her at once, letting the
-sight of her smooth out the tensions in him, convert all the conflicts
-into this one intense longing to be with her.
-
-Her halting search for him was deeply touching, like that of a tragic
-little puppet in a darkening dumbshow. He saw suddenly how like puppets
-the two of them were. They were moved by the strengthening wires of a
-new life of feeling to batter clumsily at an implacable stage setting
-that would finally leave them as bits of wood and paper.
-
-Then suddenly in his arms Clara was at the same time hungrily moving
-and tense with fear of discovery. Little sounds of love and fear choked
-each other in her throat. Her blonde head pressed tightly into his
-shoulder and she clung to him with desperation.
-
-She said, "Conrad was disturbed by my tension this morning and made me
-take a sleeping compound. I've just awakened."
-
-They walked to her home in silence and even in the darkened apartment
-they used only the primitive monosyllables of apprehensive need. Beyond
-these mere sounds of compassion, they had long ago said all that could
-be said.
-
-Because Bill was the hyperalter, he had no fear that Conrad could force
-a shift on him. When later they lay in darkness, he allowed himself to
-drift into a brief slumber. Without the sleeping compound, distorted
-events came and went without reason. Dreaming, the ancients had called
-it. It was one of the most frightening things that had begun to happen
-when he first cut down on the drugs. Now, in the few seconds that he
-dozed, a thousand fragments of incidental knowledge, historical reading
-and emotional need melded and, in a strange contrast to their present
-tranquility, he was dreaming a frightful moment in the 20th century.
-_These are the great paranoid wars_, he thought. And it was so because
-he had thought it.
-
-He searched frantically through the glove compartment of an ancient
-automobile. "Wait," he pleaded. "I tell you we have sulfonamide-14.
-We've been taking it regularly as directed. We took a double dose back
-in Paterson because there were soft-bombs all through that part of
-Jersey and we didn't know what would be declared Plague Area next."
-
-Now Bill threw things out of his satchel onto the floor and seat of
-the car, fumbling deeper by the flashlight Clara held. His heart beat
-thickly with terror. Then he remembered his pharmacase. Oh, why hadn't
-they remembered sooner about their pharmacases. Bill tore at the belt
-about his waist.
-
-The Medicorps captain stepped back from the door of their car. He
-jerked his head at the dark form of the corporal standing in the
-roadway. "Shoot them. Run the car off the embankment before you burn
-it."
-
-Bill screamed metallically through the speaker of his radiation mask.
-"Wait. I've found it." He thrust the pharmacase out the door of the
-car. "This is a pharmacase," he explained. "We keep our drugs in one of
-these and it's belted to our waist so we are never without them."
-
-The captain of the Medicorps came back. He inspected the pharmacase and
-the drugs and returned it. "From now on, keep your drugs handy. Take
-them without fail according to radio instructions. Do you understand?"
-
-Clara's head pressed heavily against Bill's shoulder, and he could hear
-the tinny sound of her sobbing through the speaker of her mask.
-
-The captain stepped into the road again. "We'll have to burn your
-car. You passed through a Plague Area and it can't be sterilized on
-this route. About a mile up this road you'll come to a sterilization
-unit. Stop and have your person and belongings rayed. After that, keep
-walking, but stick to the road. You'll be shot if you're caught off it."
-
-The road was crowded with fleeing people. Their way was lighted by
-piles of cadavers writhing in gasoline flames. The Medicorps was
-everywhere. Those who stumbled, those who coughed, the delirious and
-their helping partners ... these were taken to the side of the road,
-shot and burned. And there was bombing again to the south.
-
-Bill stopped in the middle of the road and looked back. Clara clung to
-him.
-
-"There is a plague here we haven't any drug for," he said, and realized
-he was crying. "We are all mad."
-
-Clara was crying too. "Darling, what have you done? Where are the
-drugs?"
-
-The water of the Hudson hung as it had in the late afternoon, ice
-crystals in the stratosphere. The high, high sheet flashed and glowed
-in the new bombing to the south, where multicolored pillars of flame
-boiled into the sky. But the muffled crash of the distant bombing was
-suddenly the steady click of the urgent signal on a bedside visiophone,
-and Bill was abruptly awake.
-
-Clara was throwing on her robe and moving toward the machine on
-terror-rigid limbs. With a scrambling motion, Bill got out of the
-possible view of the machine and crouched at the end of the room.
-
-Distinctly, he could hear the machine say, "Clara Manz?"
-
-"Yes." Clara's voice was a thin treble that could have been a shriek
-had it continued.
-
-"This is Medicorps Headquarters. A routine check discloses you have
-delayed your shift two hours. To maintain the statistical record of
-deviations, please give us a full explanation."
-
-"I ..." Clara had to swallow before she could talk. "I must have taken
-too much sleeping compound."
-
-"Mrs. Manz, our records indicate that you have been delaying your shift
-consistently for several periods now. We made a check of this as a
-routine follow up on any such deviation, but the discovery is quite
-serious." There was a harsh silence, a silence that demanded a logical
-answer. But how could there be a logical answer?
-
-"My hyperalter hasn't complained and I--well, I have just let a bad
-habit develop. I'll see that it--doesn't happen again."
-
-The machine voiced several platitudes about the responsibilities of one
-personality to another and the duty of all to society before Clara was
-able to shut it off.
-
-Both of them sat as they were for a long, long time while the tide of
-terror subsided. When at last they looked at each other across the dim
-and silent room, both of them knew there could be at least one more
-time together before they were caught.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Five days later, on the last day of her shift, Mary Walden wrote the
-address of her appointed father's hypoalter, Conrad Manz, with an
-indelible pencil on the skin just below her armpit.
-
-During the morning, her father and mother had spoiled the family rest
-day by quarreling. It was about Helen's hypoalter delaying so many
-shifts. Bill did not think it very important, but her mother was angry
-and threatened to complain to the Medicorps.
-
-The lunch was eaten in silence, except that at one point Bill said, "It
-seems to me Conrad and Clara Manz are guilty of a peculiar marriage,
-not us. Yet they seem perfectly happy with it and you're the one who is
-made unhappy. The woman has probably just developed a habit of taking
-too much sleeping compound for her rest day naps. Why don't you drop
-her a note?"
-
-Helen made only one remark. It was said through her teeth and very
-softly. "Bill, I would just as soon the child did not realize her
-relationship to this sordid situation."
-
-Mary cringed over the way Helen disregarded her hearing, the
-possibility that she might be capable of understanding, or her feelings
-about being shut out of their mutual world.
-
-After the lunch Mary cleared the table, throwing the remains of the
-meal and the plastiplates into the flash trash disposer. Her father had
-retreated to the library room and Helen was getting ready to attend
-a Citizen's Meeting. Mary heard her mother enter the room to say
-good-bye while she was wiping the dining table. She knew that Helen was
-standing, well-dressed and a little impatient, just behind her, but she
-pretended she did not know.
-
-"Darling, I'm leaving now for the Citizen's Meeting."
-
-"Oh ... yes."
-
-"Be a good girl and don't be late for your shift. You only have an hour
-now." Helen's patrician face smiled.
-
-"I won't be late."
-
-"Don't pay any attention to the things Bill and I discussed this
-morning, will you?"
-
-"No."
-
-And she was gone. She did not say good-bye to Bill.
-
-Mary was very conscious of her father in the house. He continued to sit
-in the library. She walked by the door and she could see him sitting in
-a chair, staring at the floor. Mary stood in the sun room for a long
-while. If he had risen from his chair, if he had rustled a page, if he
-had sighed, she would have heard him.
-
-It grew closer and closer to the time she would have to leave if Susan
-Shorrs was to catch the first school hours of her shift. Why did
-children have to shift half a day before adults?
-
-Finally, Mary thought of something to say. She could let him know she
-was old enough to understand what the quarrel had been about if only it
-were explained to her.
-
-Mary went into the library and hesitantly sat on the edge, of a couch
-near him. He did not look at her and his face seemed gray in the midday
-light. Then she knew that he was lonely, too. But a great feeling of
-tenderness for him went through her.
-
-"Sometimes I think you and Clara Manz must be the only people in the
-world," she said abruptly, "who aren't so silly about shifting right
-on the dot. Why, I don't _care_ if Susan Shorrs _is_ an hour late for
-classes!"
-
-Those first moments when he seized her in his arms, it seemed her heart
-would shake loose. It was as though she had uttered some magic formula,
-one that had abruptly opened the doors to his love. It was only after
-he had explained to her why he was always late on the first day of the
-family shift that she knew something was wrong. He _did_ tell her, over
-and over, that he knew she was unhappy and that it was his fault. But
-he was at the same time soothing her, petting her, as if _he was afraid
-of her_.
-
-He talked on and on. Gradually, Mary understood in his trembling body,
-in his perspiring palms, in his pleading eyes, that he was afraid of
-dying, that he was afraid _she_ would kill him with the merest thing
-she said, with her very presence.
-
-This was not painful to Mary, because, suddenly, something came with
-ponderous enormity to stand before her: _I would just as soon the child
-did not realize her relationship to this sordid situation._
-
-Her relationship. It was some kind of relationship to Conrad and Clara
-Manz, because those were the people they had been talking about.
-
-The moment her father left the apartment, she went to his desk and
-took out the file of family records. After she found the address of
-Conrad Manz, the idea occurred to her to write it on her body. Mary was
-certain that Susan Shorrs never bathed and she thought this a clever
-idea. Sometime on Susan's rest day, five days from now, she would try
-to force the shift and go to see Conrad and Clara Manz. Her plan was
-simple in execution, but totally vague as to goal.
-
-Mary was already late when she hurried to the children's section of a
-public shifting station. A Children's Transfer Bus was waiting, and
-Mary registered on it for Susan Shorrs to be taken to school. After
-that she found a shifting room and opened it with her wristband. She
-changed into a shifting costume and sent her own clothes and belongings
-home.
-
-Children her age did not wear makeup, but Mary always stood at the
-mirror during the shift. She always tried as hard as she could to
-see what Susan Shorrs looked like. She giggled over a verse that was
-scrawled beside the mirror ...
-
- Rouge your hair and comb your face;
- Many a third head is lost in this place.
-
-... and then the shift came, doubly frightening because of what she
-knew she was going to do.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Especially if you were a hyperalter like Mary, you were supposed to
-have some sense of the passage of time while you were out of shift. Of
-course, you did not know what was going on, but it was as though a more
-or less accurate chronometer kept running when you went out of shift.
-Apparently Mary's was highly inaccurate, because, to her horror, she
-found herself sitting bolt upright in one of Mrs. Harris's classes, not
-out on the playgrounds, where she had expected Susan Shorrs to be.
-
-Mary was terrified, and the ugly school dress Susan had been wearing
-accented, by its strangeness, the seriousness of her premature shift.
-Children weren't supposed to show much difference from hyperalter to
-hypoalter, but when she raised her eyes, her fright grew. Children did
-change. She hardly recognized anyone in the room, though most of them
-must be the alters of her own classmates. Mrs. Harris was a B-shift and
-overlapped both Mary and Susan, but otherwise Mary recognized only Carl
-Blair's hypoalter because of his freckles.
-
-Mary knew she had to get out of there or Mrs. Harris would eventually
-recognize her. If she left the room quietly, Mrs. Harris would not
-question her unless she recognized her. It was no use trying to guess
-how Susan would walk.
-
-Mary stood and went toward the door, glad that it turned her back to
-Mrs. Harris. It seemed to her that she could feel the teacher's eyes
-stabbing through her back.
-
-But she walked safely from the room. She dashed down the school
-corridor and out into the street. So great was her fear of what she was
-doing that her hypoalter's world actually seemed like a different one.
-
-It was a long way for Mary to walk across town, and when she rang the
-bell, Conrad Manz was already home from work. He smiled at her and she
-loved him at once.
-
-"Well, what do you want, young lady?" he asked.
-
-Mary couldn't answer him. She just smiled back.
-
-"What's your name, eh?"
-
-Mary went right on smiling, but suddenly he blurred in front of her.
-
-"Here, here! There's nothing to cry about. Come on in and let's see if
-we can help you. Clara! We have a visitor, a very sentimental visitor."
-
-Mary let him put his big arm around her shoulder and draw her, crying,
-into the apartment. Then she saw Clara swimming before her, looking
-like her mother, but ... no, not at all like her mother.
-
-"Now, see here, chicken, what is it you've come for?" Conrad asked when
-her crying stopped.
-
-Mary had to stare hard at the floor to be able to say it. "I want to
-live with you."
-
-Clara was twisting and untwisting a handkerchief. "But, child, we have
-already had our first baby appointed to us. He'll be with us next
-shift, and after that I have to bear a baby for someone else to keep.
-We wouldn't be allowed to take care of you."
-
-"I thought maybe I was your real child." Mary said it helplessly,
-knowing in advance what the answer would be.
-
-"Darling," Clara soothed, "children don't live with their natural
-parents. It's neither practical nor civilized. I have had a child
-conceived and borne on my shift, and this baby is my exchange, so you
-see that you are much too old to be my conception. Whoever your natural
-parents may be, it is just something on record with the Medicorps
-Genetic Division and isn't important."
-
-"But you're a special case," Mary pressed. "I thought because it was a
-special arrangement that you were my real parents." She looked up and
-she saw that Clara had turned white.
-
-And now Conrad Manz was agitated, too. "What do you mean, we're a
-special case?" He was staring hard at her.
-
-"Because...." And now for the first time Mary realized how special this
-case was, how sensitive they would be about it.
-
-He grasped her by the shoulders and turned her so she faced his
-unblinking eyes. "I said, what do you mean, we're a special case?
-Clara, what in thirty heads does this kid mean?"
-
-His grip hurt her and she began to cry again. She broke away. "You're
-the hypoalters of my appointed father and mother. I thought maybe when
-it was like that, I might be your real child ... and you might want me.
-I don't want to be where I am. I want somebody...."
-
-Clara was calm now, her sudden fear gone. "But, darling, if you're
-unhappy where you are, only the Medicorps can reappoint you. Besides,
-maybe your appointed parents are just having some personal problems
-right now. Maybe if you tried to understand them, you would see that
-they really love you."
-
-Conrad's face showed that he did not understand. He spoke with a stiff,
-quiet voice and without taking his eyes from Mary. "What are you doing
-here? My own hyperalter's kid in my house, throwing it up to me that
-I'm married to his wife's hypoalter!"
-
-They did not feel the earth move, as she fearfully did. They sat there,
-staring at her, as though they might sit forever while she backed away,
-out of the apartment, and ran into her collapsing world.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Conrad Manz's rest day fell the day after Bill Walden's kid showed
-up at his apartment. It was ten days since that strait jacket of a
-conference on Santa Fe had lost him a chance to blast off a rocket
-racer. This time, on the practical knowledge that emergency business
-conferences were seldom called after lunch, Conrad had placed his
-reservation for a racer in the afternoon. The visit from Mary Walden
-had upset him every time he thought of it. Since it was his rest day,
-he had no intention of thinking about it and Conrad's scrupulously
-drugged mind was capable of just that.
-
-So now, in the lavish coolness of the lounge at the Rocket Club, Conrad
-sipped his drink contentedly and made no contribution to the gloomy
-conversation going on around him.
-
-"Look at it this way," the melancholy face of Alberts, a pilot from
-England, morosely emphasized his tone. "It takes about 10,000 economic
-units to jack a forty ton ship up to satellite level and snap it around
-the course six times. That's just practice for us. On the other hand,
-an intellectual fellow who spends his spare time at a microfilm library
-doesn't use up 1,000 units in a year. In fact, his spare time activity
-may turn up as units gained. The Economic Board doesn't argue that all
-pastime should be gainful. They just say rocket racing wastes more
-economic units than most pilots make on their work days. I tell you the
-day is almost here when they ban the rockets."
-
-"That's just it," another pilot put in. "There was a time when you
-could show that rocket races were necessary for better spaceship
-design. Design has gone way beyond that. From their point of view we
-just burn up units as fast as other people create them. And it's no use
-trying to argue for the television shows. The Board can prove people
-would rather see a jet-skiing meet at a cost of about one-hundredth
-that of a rocket race."
-
-Conrad Manz grinned into his drink. He had been aware for several
-minutes that pert little Angela, Alberts' soft-eyed, husky-voiced wife,
-was trying to catch his eye. But stranded as she was in the buzzing
-traffic of rockets, she was trying to hail the wrong rescuer. He had
-about fifteen minutes till the ramp boys would have a ship ready for
-him. Much as he liked Angela, he wasn't going to miss that race.
-
-Still, he let his grin broaden and, looking up at her, he lied
-maliciously by nodding. She interpreted this signal as he knew she
-would. Well, at least he would afford her a graceful exit from the
-boring conversation.
-
-He got up and went over and took her hand. Her full lips parted a
-little and she kissed him on the mouth.
-
-Conrad turned to Alberts and interrupted him. "Angela and I would like
-to spend a little time together. Do you mind?"
-
-Alberts was annoyed at having his train of thought broken and rather
-snapped out the usual courtesy. "Of course not. I'm glad for both of
-you."
-
-Conrad looked the group over with a bland stare. "Have you lads ever
-tried jet-skiing? There's more genuine excitement in ten minutes of it
-than an hour of rocket racing. Personally, I don't care if the Board
-does ban the rockets soon. I'll just hop out to the Rocky Mountains on
-rest days."
-
- * * * * *
-
-Conrad knew perfectly well that if he had made this assertion before
-asking Alberts for his wife, the man would have found some excuse to
-have her remain. All the faces present displayed the _aficionado's_
-disdain for one who has just demonstrated he doesn't _belong_. What the
-straitjacket did they think they were--some ancient order of noblemen?
-
-Conrad took Angela's yielding arm and led her serenely away before
-Alberts could think of anything to detain her.
-
-On the way out of the lounge, she stroked his arm with frank
-admiration. "I'm so glad you were agreeable. Honestly, Harold could
-talk rockets till I died."
-
-Conrad bent and kissed her. "Angela, I'm sorry, but this isn't going
-to be what you think. I have a ship to take off in just a few minutes."
-
-She flared and dug into his arm now. "Oh, Conrad Manz! You ... you made
-me believe...."
-
-He laughed and grabbed her wrists. "Now, now. I'm neglecting you to
-_fly_ a rocket, not just to talk about them. I won't let you die."
-
-At that she could not suppress her husky musical laugh. "I found that
-out the last time you and I were together. Clara and I had a drink the
-other day at the Citizen's Club. I don't often use dirty language, but
-I told Clara she must be keeping you in a _straitjacket_ at home."
-
-Conrad frowned, wishing she hadn't brought up the subject. It worried
-him off and on that something was wrong with Clara, something even
-worse than that awful _dreaming_ business ten days ago. For several
-shifts now she had been cold, nor was it just a temporary lack of
-interest in himself, for she was also cold to the men of their
-acquaintance of whom she was usually quite fond. As for himself, he had
-had to depend on casual contacts such as Angela. Not that they weren't
-pleasant, but a man and wife were supposed to maintain a healthy
-love life between themselves, and it usually meant trouble with the
-Medicorps when this broke down.
-
-Angela glanced at him. "I didn't think Clara laughed well at my remark.
-Is something wrong between you?"
-
-"Oh, no," he declared hastily. "Clara is sometimes that way ... doesn't
-catch a joke right off."
-
-A page boy approached them where they stood in the rotunda and advised
-Conrad that his ship was ready.
-
-"Honestly, Angela, I'll make it up, I promise."
-
-"I know you will, darling. And at least I'm grateful you saved me from
-all those rocket jets in there." Angela raised her lips for a kiss and
-afterward, as she pushed him toward the door, her slightly vacant face
-smiled at him.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Out on the ramp, Conrad found another pilot ready to take off. They
-made two wagers--first to reach the racing course, and winner in a
-six-lap heat around the six-hundred-mile hexagonal course.
-
-They fired together and Conrad blasted his ship up on a thunderous
-column of flame that squeezed him into his seat. He was good at this
-and he knew he would win the lift to the course. On the course,
-though, if his opponent was any good at all, Conrad would probably
-lose because he enjoyed slamming the ship around the course in his
-wasteful, swashbuckling style much more than merely winning the heat.
-
-Conrad kept his drive on till the last possible second and then shot
-out his nose jets. The ship shuddered up through another hundred miles
-and came to a lolling halt near the starting buoys. The other pilot
-gasped when Conrad shouted at him over the intership, "The winner by
-all thirty heads!"
-
-It was generally assumed that a race up to the course consisted of
-cutting all jets when you had enough lift, and using the nose brakes
-only to correct any over-shot. "What did you do, just keep your power
-on and flip the ship around?" The other racer coasted up to Conrad's
-level and steadied with a brief forward burst.
-
-They got the automatic signal from the starting buoy and went for the
-first turn, nose and nose, about half a mile apart. Conrad lost 5000
-yards on the first turn by shoving his power too hard against the
-starboard steering Jets.
-
-It made a pretty picture when a racer hammered its way around a turn
-that way with a fan of outside jets holding it in place. The Other
-fellow made his turns cleanly, using mostly the driving jets for
-steering. But that didn't look like much to those who happened to
-flip on their television while this little heat was in progress. On
-every turn, Conrad lost a little in space, but not in the eye of the
-automatic televisor on the buoy marking the turn. As usual, he cut
-closer to the buoys than regulations allowed, to give the folks a show.
-
-Without the slightest regret, Conrad lost the heat by a full two sides
-of the hexagon. He congratulated his opponent and watched the fellow
-let his ship down carefully toward earth on its tail jets. For a while
-Conrad lolled his ship around near the starting buoy and its probably
-watching eye, flipping through a series of complicated maneuvers with
-the steering jets.
-
-Conrad did not like the grim countenance of outer space. The lifeless,
-gemlike blaze of cloud upon cloud of stars in the perspectiveless black
-repelled him. He liked rocket racing only because of the neat timing
-necessary, and possibly because the knowledge that he indulged in it
-scared poor old Bill Walden half to death.
-
-Today the bleak aspect of the Galaxy harried his mind back upon its
-own problems. A particularly nasty association of Clara with Bill
-Walden and his sniveling kid kept dogging Conrad's mind and, as soon as
-stunting had exhausted his excess of fuel, he turned the ship to earth
-and sent it in with a short, spectacular burst.
-
-Now that he stopped to consider it, Clara's strange behavior had begun
-at about the same time that Bill Walden started cheating on the shifts.
-That kid Mary must have known something was going on, or she would not
-have done such a disgusting thing as to come to their apartment.
-
-Conrad had let the rocket fall nose-down, until now it was screaming
-into the upper ionosphere. With no time to spare, he swiveled the ship
-on its guiding jets and opened the drive blast at the up-rushing earth.
-He had just completed this wrenching maneuver when two appalling things
-happened together.
-
-Conrad suddenly knew, whether as a momentary leak from Bill's mind to
-his, or as a rapid calculation of his own, that Bill Walden and Clara
-shared a secret. At the same moment, something tore through his mind
-like fingers of chill wind. With seven gravities mashing him into the
-bucket-seat, he grunted curses past thin-stretched lips.
-
-"Great blue psychiatrists! What in thirty straitjackets is that
-three-headed fool trying to do, kill us both?"
-
-Conrad just managed to raise his leaden hand and set the plummeting
-racer for automatic pilot before Bill Walden forced him out of the
-shift. In his last moment of consciousness, and in the shock of his
-overwhelming shame, Conrad felt the bitter irony that he could not cut
-the power and kill Bill Walden.
-
- * * * * *
-
-When Bill Walden became conscious of the thunderous clamor of the
-braking ship and the awful weight of deceleration into which he had
-shifted, the core of him froze. He was so terrified that he could not
-have thought of reshifting even had there been time.
-
-His head rolled on the pad in spite of its weight, and he saw the
-earth coming at him like a monstrous swatter aimed at a fly. Between
-his fright and the inhuman gravity, he lost consciousness without ever
-seeing on the control panel the red warning that saved him: _Automatic
-Pilot_.
-
-The ship settled itself on the ramp in a mushroom of fire. Bill
-regained awareness several seconds later. He was too shaken to do
-anything but sit there for a long time.
-
-When at last he felt capable of moving, he struggled with the door till
-he found how to open it, and climbed down to the still-hot ramp he had
-landed on. It was at least a mile to the Rocket Club across the barren
-flat of the field, and he set out on foot. Shortly, however, a truck
-came speeding across to him.
-
-The driver leaned out. "Hey, Conrad, what's the matter? Why didn't you
-pull the ship over to the hangars?"
-
-With Conrad's makeup on, Bill felt he could probably get by. "Controls
-aren't working," he offered noncommittally.
-
-At the club, a place he had never been to before in his life, Bill
-found an unused helicopter and started it with his wristband. He flew
-the machine into town to the landing station nearest his home.
-
-He was doomed, he knew. Conrad certainly would report him for this.
-He had not intended to force the shift so early or so violently.
-Perhaps he had not intended to force it at all this time. But there was
-something in him more powerful than himself ... a need to break the
-shift and be with Clara that now acted almost independently of him and
-certainly without regard for his safety.
-
-Bill flew his craft carefully through the city traffic, working his way
-between the widely spaced towers with the uncertain hand of one to whom
-machines are not an extension of the body. He put the helicopter down
-at the landing station with some difficulty.
-
-Clara would not be expecting him so early. From his apartment, as soon
-as he had changed makeup, he visiophoned her. It was strange how long
-and how carefully they needed to look at each other and how few words
-they could say.
-
-Afterward, he seemed calmer and went about getting ready with more
-efficiency. But when he found himself addressing the package of
-Conrad's clothes to his home, he chuckled bitterly.
-
-It was when he went back to drop the package in the mail chute that he
-noticed the storage room door ajar. He disposed of the package and went
-over to the door. Then he stood still, listening. He had to stop his
-own breathing to hear clearly.
-
-Bill tightened himself and opened the door. He flipped on the light and
-saw Mary. The child sat on the floor in the corner with her knees drawn
-up against her chest. Between the knees and the chest, the frail wrists
-were crossed, the hands closed limply like--like those of a fetus. The
-forehead rested on the knees so that, should the closed eyes stray
-open, they would be looking at the placid hands.
-
-The sickening sight of the child squeezed down on his heart till the
-color drained from his face. He went forward and knelt before her. His
-dry throat hammered with the words, _what have I done to you_, but he
-could not speak. The question of how long she might have been here, he
-could not bear to think.
-
-He put out his hand, but he did not touch her. A shudder of revulsion
-shook him and he scrambled to his feet. He hurried back into the
-apartment with only one thought. He must get someone to help her. Only
-the Medicorps could take care of a situation like this.
-
-As he stood at the visiophone, he knew that this involuntary act of
-panic had betrayed all that he had ever thought and done. He had to
-call the Medicorps. He could not face the result of his own behavior
-without them. Like a ghostly after-image, he saw Clara's face on the
-screen. She was lost, cut off, with only himself to depend on.
-
-A part of him, a place where there were no voices and a great tragedy,
-had been abruptly shut off. He stood stupidly confused and disturbed
-about something he couldn't recall. The emotion in his body suddenly
-had no referent. He stood like a badly frightened animal while his
-heart slowed and blood seeped again into whitened parenchymas, while
-tides of epinephrine burned lower.
-
-Remembering he must hurry, Bill left the apartment. It was an apartment
-with its storage room door closed, an apartment without a storage room.
-
-From the moment that he walked in and took Clara in his arms, he was
-not worried about being caught. He felt only the great need for her.
-There seemed only one difference from the first time and it was a good
-difference, because now Clara was so tense and apprehensive. He felt
-a new tenderness for her, as one might feel for a child. It seemed to
-him that there was no end to the well of gentleness and compassion that
-was suddenly in him. He was mystified by the depth of this feeling.
-He kissed her again and again and petted her as one might a disturbed
-child.
-
-Clara said, "Oh, Bill, we're doing wrong! Mary was here yesterday!"
-
-Whoever she meant, it had no meaning for him. He said, "It's all right.
-You mustn't worry."
-
-"She needs you, Bill, and I take you away from her."
-
-Whatever it was she was talking about was utterly unimportant beside
-the fact that she was not happy herself. He soothed her. "Darling, you
-mustn't worry about it. Let's be happy the way we used to be."
-
-He led her to a couch and they sat together, her head resting on his
-shoulder.
-
-"Conrad is worried about me. He knows something is wrong. Oh, Bill, if
-he knew, he'd demand the worst penalty for you."
-
-Bill felt the stone of fear come back in his chest. He thought, too,
-of Helen, of how intense her shame would be. Medicorps action would be
-machinelike, logical as a set of equation; they were very likely to
-take more drastic steps where the complaints would be so strong and no
-request for leniency forthcoming. Conrad knew now, of course. Bill had
-felt his hate.
-
-It was nearing the end. Death would come to Bill with electronic
-fingers. A ghostly probing in his mind and suddenly....
-
-Clara's great unhappiness and the way she turned her head into his
-shoulder to cry forced him to calm the rising panic in himself, and
-again to caress the fear from her.
-
-Even later, when they lay where the moonlight thrust into the room
-an impalpable shaft of alabaster, he loved her only as a succor.
-Carefully, slowly, smoothing out her mind, drawing it away from all the
-other things, drawing it down into this one thing. Gathering all her
-mind into her senses and holding it there. Then quickly taking it away
-from her in a moaning spasm so that now she was murmuring, murmuring,
-palely drifting. Sleeping like a loved child.
-
-For a long, long time he watched the white moon cut its arc across
-their window. He listened with a deep pleasure to her evenly breathing
-sleep. But slowly he realized that her breath had changed, that the
-body so close to his was tensing. His heart gave a great bound and tiny
-moths of horror fluttered along his back. He raised himself and saw
-that the eyes were open in the silver light. Even through the makeup he
-saw that they were Helen's eyes.
-
-He did the only thing left for him. He shifted. But in that terrible
-instant he understood something he had not anticipated. In Helen's eyes
-there was not only intense shame over shifting into her hypoalter's
-home; there was not only the disgust with himself for breaking
-communication codes. He saw that, as a woman of the 20th Century might
-have felt, Helen hated Clara as a sexual rival. She hated Clara doubly
-because he had turned not to some other woman, but to the other part of
-herself whom she could never know.
-
-As he shifted, Bill knew that the next light he saw would be on the
-adamant face of the Medicorps.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Major Paul Grey, with two other Medicorps officers, entered the
-Walden apartment about two hours after Bill left it to meet Clara.
-Major Grey was angry with himself. Important information on a case
-of communication-breaks and drug-refusal could be learned by letting
-it run its course under observation. But he had not intended Conrad
-Manz's life to be endangered, and certainly he would not have taken the
-slightest chance on what they found in the Walden apartment if he had
-expected it this early.
-
-Major Grey blamed himself for what had happened to Mary Walden. He
-should have had the machines watching Susan and Mary at the same time
-that they were relaying all wristband data for Bill and Conrad and for
-Helen and Clara to his office.
-
-He had not done this because it was Susan's shift and he had not
-expected Mary to break it. Now he knew that Helen and Bill Walden
-had been quarreling over the fact that Clara was cheating on Helen's
-shifts, and their conversations had directed the unhappy child's
-attention to the Manz couple. She had broken shift to meet them ...
-looking for a loving father, of course.
-
-Still--things would not have turned out so badly if Captain Thiel,
-Mary's school officer, had not attributed Susan Shorrs' disappearance
-only to poor drug acclimatization. Captain Thiel had naturally known
-that Major Grey was in town to prosecute Bill Walden, because the major
-had called on him to discuss the case. Yet it had not occurred to him,
-until 18 hours after Susan's disappearance, that Mary might have forced
-the shift for some reason associated with her aberrant father.
-
-By the time the captain advised him, Major Grey already knew that Bill
-had forced the shift on Conrad under desperate circumstances and he had
-decided to close in. He fully expected to find the father and daughter
-at the apartment, and now ... it sickened him to see the child's
-demented condition and realize that Bill had left her there.
-
-Major Grey could see at a glance that Mary Walden would not be
-accessible for days even with the best treatment. He left it to the
-other two officers to hospitalize the child and set out for the Manz
-apartment.
-
-He used his master wristband to open the door there, and found a woman
-standing in the middle of the room, wrapped in a sheet. He knew that
-this must be Helen Walden. It was odd how ill-fitting Clara Manz's
-softly sensual makeup seemed, even to a stranger, on the more rigidly
-composed face before him. He guessed that Helen would wear color higher
-on her cheeks and the mouth would be done in severe lines. Certainly
-the present haughty face struggled with its incongruous makeup as well
-as the indignity of her dress.
-
-She pulled the sheet tighter about her and said icily, "I will not wear
-that woman's clothes."
-
-Major Grey introduced himself and asked, "Where is Bill Walden?"
-
-"He shifted! He left me with.... Oh, I'm so ashamed!"
-
-Major Grey shared her loathing. There was no way to escape the
-conditioning of childhood--sex relations between hyperalter and
-hypoalter were more than outlawed, they were in themselves disgusting.
-If they were allowed, they could destroy this civilization. Those
-idealists--they were almost all hypoalters, of course--who wanted the
-old terminology changed didn't take that into account. Next thing
-they'd want children to live with their actual parents!
-
-Major Grey stepped into the bedroom. Through the bathroom door beyond,
-he could see Conrad Manz changing his makeup.
-
-Conrad turned and eyed him bluntly. "Would you mind staying out of here
-till I'm finished? I've had about all I can take."
-
-Major Grey shut the door and returned to Helen Walden. He took a
-hypothalamic block from his own pharmacase and handed it to her. "Here,
-you're probably on very low drug levels. You'd better take this." He
-poured her a glass of pop from a decanter and, while they waited for
-Conrad, he dialed the nearest shifting station on the visiophone and
-ordered up an emergency shifting costume for her.
-
-When at last they were both dressed, made up to their satisfaction and
-drugged to his satisfaction, he had them sit on a couch together across
-from him. They sat at opposite ends of it, stiff with resentment at
-each other's presence.
-
-Major Grey said calmly, "You realize that this matter is coming to a
-Medicorps trial. It will be serious."
-
-Major Grey watched their faces. On hers he saw grim determination. On
-Conrad's face he saw the heavy movement of alarm. The man loved his
-wife. That was going to help. "It is necessary in a case such as this
-for the Medicorps to weigh your decisions along with the scientific
-evidence we will accumulate. Unfortunately, the number of laymen
-directly involved in this case--and not on trial--is only two, due
-to your peculiar marriage. If the hypoalters, Clara and Conrad, were
-married to other partners, we might call on as many as six involved
-persons and obtain a more equitable lay judgment. As it stands, the
-entire responsibility rests on the two of you."
-
-Helen Walden was primly confident. "I don't see how we can fail to
-treat the matter with perfect logic. After all, it is not _we_ who
-neglect our drug levels.... They _were_ refusing to take their drugs,
-weren't they?" she asked, hoping for the worst and certain she was
-right.
-
-"Yes, this is drug refusal." Major Grey paused while she relished the
-answer. "But I must correct you in one impression. Your proper drug
-levels do not assure that you will act logically in this matter. The
-drugged mind _is_ logical. However, its fundamental datum is that the
-drugs and drugged minds must be protected before everything else." He
-watched Conrad's face while he added, "Because of this, it is possible
-for you to arrive logically at a conclusion that ... death is the
-required solution." He paused, looking at their white lips. Then he
-said, "Actually, other, more suitable solutions may be possible."
-
-"But they _were_ refusing their drugs," she said. "You talk as if you
-are defending them. Aren't you a Medicorps prosecutor?"
-
-"I do not prosecute _people_ in the ancient 20th Century sense, Mrs.
-Walden. I prosecute the _acts_ of drug refusal and communication
-breaks. There is quite a difference."
-
-"Well!" she said almost explosively. "I always knew Bill would get
-into trouble sooner or later with his wild, antisocial ideas. I never
-_dreamed_ the Medicorps would take _his_ side."
-
-Major Grey held his breath, almost certain now that she would walk into
-the trap. If she did, he could save Clara Manz before the trial.
-
-"After all, they have broken every communication code. They have
-refused the drugs, a defiance aimed at our very lives. They--"
-
-"Shut up!" It was the first time Conrad Manz had spoken since he sat
-down. "The Medicorps spent weeks gathering evidence and preparing their
-recommendations. You haven't seen any of that and you've already made
-up your mind. How logical is that? It sounds as if you _want_ your
-husband dead. Maybe the poor devil had some reason, after all, for what
-he did." On the man's face there was the nearest approach to hate that
-the drugs would allow.
-
-Major Grey let his breath out softly. They were split permanently. She
-would have to trade him a mild decision on Clara in order to save Bill.
-And even there, if the subsequent evidence gave any slight hope, Major
-Grey believed now that he could work on Conrad to hang the lay judgment
-and let the Medicorps' scientific recommendation go through unmodified.
-
-He let them stew in their cross-purposed silence for a while and then
-nailed home a disconcerting fact.
-
-"I think I should remind you that there are few advantages to having
-your alter extinguished in the _mnemonic eraser_. A man whose
-hyperalter has been extinguished must report on his regular shift days
-to a hospital and be placed for five days in suspended animation. This
-is not very healthy for the body, but necessary. Otherwise, everyone's
-natural distaste for his own alter and the understandable wish to spend
-twice as much time living would generate schemes to have one's alter
-sucked out by the eraser. That happened extensively back in the 21st
-Century before the five day suspension was required. It was also used
-as a 'cure' for schizophrenia, but it was, of course, only the brutal
-murder of innocent personalities."
-
-Major Grey smiled grimly to himself. "Now I will have to ask you both
-to accompany me to the hospital. I will want you, Mrs. Walden, to shift
-at once to Mrs. Manz. Mr. Manz, you will have to remain under the close
-observation of an officer until Bill Walden tries to shift back. We
-have to catch him with an injection to keep him in shift."
-
- * * * * *
-
-The young medicop put the syringe aside and laid his hand on Bill
-Walden's forehead. He pushed the hair back out of Bill's eyes.
-
-"There, Mr. Walden, you don't have to struggle now."
-
-Bill let his breath out in a long sigh. "You've caught me. I can't
-shift any more, can I?"
-
-"That's right, Mr. Walden. Not unless we want you to." The young man
-picked up his medical equipment and stepped aside.
-
-Bill noticed then the Medicorps officer standing in the background. The
-man was watching as though he contemplated some melancholy distance. "I
-am Major Grey, Bill. I'm handling your case."
-
-Bill did not answer. He lay staring at the hospital ceiling. Then he
-felt his mouth open in a slow grin.
-
-"What's funny?" Major Grey asked mildly.
-
-"Leaving my hypoalter with my wife," Bill answered candidly. It had
-already ceased to be funny to him, but he saw Major Grey smile in
-spite of himself.
-
-"They were quite upset when I found them. It must have been some
-scramble before that." Major Grey came over and sat in the chair
-vacated by the young man who had just injected Bill. "You know, Bill,
-we will need a complete analysis of you. We want to do everything we
-can to save you, but it will require your cooperation."
-
-Bill nodded, feeling his chest tighten. Here it came. Right to the end,
-they would be tearing him apart to find out what made him work.
-
-Major Grey must have sensed Bill's bitter will to resist. His resonant
-voice was soft, his face kindly. "We must have your sincere desire to
-help. We can't force you to do anything."
-
-"Except die," Bill said.
-
-"Maybe helping us get the information that might save your life at the
-trial isn't worth the trouble to you. But your aberration has seriously
-disturbed the lives of several people. Don't you think you owe it to
-them to help us prevent this sort of thing in the future?" Major Grey
-ran his hand through his whitening hair. "I thought you would like
-to know Mary will come through all right. We will begin shortly to
-acclimatize her to her new appointed parents, who will be visiting her
-each day. That will accelerate her recovery a great deal. Of course,
-right now she is still inaccessible."
-
-The brutally clear picture of Mary alone in the storage room crashed
-back into Bill's mind. After a while, in such slow stages that the
-beginning was hardly noticeable, he began to cry. The young medicop
-injected him with a sleeping compound, but not before Bill knew he
-would do whatever the Medicorps wanted.
-
- * * * * *
-
-The next day was crowded with battery after battery of tests. The
-interviews were endless. He was subjected to a hundred artificial
-situations and every reaction from his blood sugar to the frequency
-ranges of his voice was measured. They gave him only small amounts of
-drugs in order to test his reaction to them.
-
-Late in the evening, Major Grey came by and interrupted an officer who
-was taking an electroencephalogram for the sixth time after injection
-of a drug.
-
-"All right, Bill, you have really given us cooperation. But after
-you've had your dinner, I hope you won't mind if I come to your room
-and talk with you for a little while."
-
-When Bill finished eating, he waited impatiently in his room for the
-Medicorps officer. Major Grey came soon after. He shook his head at
-the mute question Bill shot at him.
-
-"No, Bill. We will not have the results of your tests evaluated until
-late tomorrow morning. I can't tell you a thing until the trial in any
-case."
-
-"When will that be?"
-
-"As soon as the evaluation of your tests is in." Major Grey ran his
-hand over his smooth chin and seemed to sigh. "Tell me, Bill, how do
-you feel about your case? How did you get into this situation and what
-do you think about it now?" The officer sat in the room's only chair
-and motioned Bill to the cot.
-
-Bill was astonished at his sudden desire to talk about his problem. He
-had to laugh to cover it up. "I guess I feel as if I am being condemned
-for trying to stay sober." Bill used the ancient word with a mock tone
-of righteousness that he knew the major would understand.
-
-Major Grey smiled. "How do you feel when you're sober?"
-
-Bill searched his face. "The way the ancient Moderns did, I guess. I
-feel what happens to me the _way_ it happens to me, not the artificial
-way the drugs let it happen. I think there is a way for us to live
-without the drugs and really enjoy life. Have you ever cut down on your
-drugs. Major?"
-
-The officer shook his head.
-
-Bill smiled at him dreamily. "You ought to try it. It's as though a new
-life has suddenly opened up. Everything looks different to you.
-
-"Look, with an average life span of 100 years, each of us only lives
-50 years and our alter lives the other 50. Yet even on half-time we
-experience only about half the living we'd do if we didn't take the
-drugs. We would be able to feel the loves and hatreds and desires
-of life. No matter how many mistakes we made, we would be able
-occasionally to live those intense moments that made the ancients
-great."
-
-Major Grey said tonelessly, "The ancients were great at killing,
-cheating and debasing one another. And they were worse sober than
-_drunk_." This time he did not smile at the word.
-
-Bill understood the implacable logic before him. The logic that had
-saved man from himself by smothering his spirit. The carefully achieved
-logic of the drugs that had seized upon the disassociated personality,
-and engineered it into a smoothly running machine, where there was no
-unhappiness because there was no great happiness, where there was no
-crime except failure to take the drugs or cross the alter sex line.
-Without drugs, he was capable of fury and he felt it now.
-
-"You should see how foolish these communication codes look when you
-are undrugged. This stupid hide-and-seek of shifting! These two-headed
-monsters simpering, about their artificial morals and their endless
-prescriptions! They belong in _crazy_ houses! What use is there in such
-a world? If we are all this sick, we should die...."
-
-Bill stopped and there was suddenly a ringing silence in the barren
-little room.
-
-Finally Major Grey said, "I think you can see, Bill, that your desire
-to live without drugs is incompatable with this society. It would
-be impossible for us to maintain in you an artificial need for the
-drugs that would be healthy. Only if we can clearly demonstrate that
-this aberration is not an inherent part of your personality can we do
-something medically or psycho-surgically about it."
-
-Bill did not at first see the implication in this. When he did, he
-thought of Clara rather than of himself, and his voice was shaken. "Is
-it a localized aberration in Clara?"
-
-Major Grey looked at him levelly. "I have arranged for you to be with
-Clara Manz a little while in the morning." He stood up and said good
-night and was gone.
-
-Slowly, as if it hurt him to move, Bill turned off the light and lay on
-the cot in the semi-dark. After a while he could feel his heart begin
-to take hold and he started feeling better. It was as though a man who
-had thought himself permanently expatriated had been told, "Tomorrow,
-you walk just over that hill and you will be home."
-
-All through the night he lay awake, alternating between panic and
-desperate longing in a cycle with which finally he became familiar. At
-last, as a rusty light of dawn reddened his silent room, he fell into a
-troubled sleep.
-
-He started awake in broad daylight. An orderly was at the door with his
-breakfast tray. He could not eat, of course. After the orderly left, he
-hastily changed to a new hospital uniform and washed himself. He redid
-his makeup with a trembling hand, straightened the bedclothes and then
-he sat on the edge of the cot.
-
-No one came for him.
-
-The young medicop who had given him the injection that caught him in
-shift finally entered, and was standing near him before Bill was aware
-of his presence.
-
-"Good morning, Mr. Walden. How are you feeling?"
-
-Bill's wildly oscillating tensions froze at the point where he could
-only move helplessly with events and suffer a constant, unchangeable
-longing.
-
-It was as if in a dream that they moved in silence together down the
-long corridors of the hospital and took the elevator to an upper floor.
-The medicop opened the door to a room and let Bill enter. Bill heard
-the door close behind him.
-
-Clara did not turn from where she stood looking out the window. Bill
-did not care that the walls of the chill little room were almost
-certainly recording every sight and sound. All his hunger was focused
-on the back of the girl at the window. The room seemed to ring with his
-racing blood. But he was slowly aware that something was wrong, and
-when at last he called her name, his voice broke.
-
-Still without turning, she said in a strained monotone, "I want you to
-understand that I have consented to this meeting only because Major
-Grey has assured me it is necessary."
-
-It was a long time before he could speak. "Clara, I need you."
-
-She spun on him. "Have you no shame? You are married to my
-hyperalter--don't you understand that?" Her face was suddenly wet with
-tears and the intensity of her shame flamed at him from her cheeks.
-"How can Conrad ever forgive me for being with his hyperalter and
-talking about him? Oh, how can I have been so _mad_?"
-
-"They have done something to you," he said, shaking with tension.
-
-Her chin raised at this. She was defiant, he saw, though not toward
-himself--he no longer existed for her--but toward that part of herself
-which once had needed him and now no longer existed. "They have cured
-me," she declared. "They have cured me of everything but my shame, and
-they will help me get rid of that as soon as you leave this room."
-
-Bill stared at her before leaving. Out in the corridor, the young
-medicop did not look him in the face. They went back to Bill's room and
-the officer left without a word. Bill lay down on his cot.
-
-Presently Major Grey entered the room. He came over to the cot. "I'm
-sorry it had to be this way, Bill."
-
-Bill's words came tonelessly from his dry throat. "Was it necessary to
-be cruel?"
-
-"It was necessary to test the result of her psycho-surgery. Also, it
-will help her over her shame. She might otherwise have retained a seed
-of fear that she still loved you."
-
-Bill did not feel anything any more. Staring at the ceiling, he knew
-there was no place left for him in this world and no one in it who
-needed him. The only person who had really needed him had been Mary,
-and he could not bear to think of how he had treated her. Now the
-Medicorps was efficiently curing the child of the hurt he had done her.
-They had already erased from Clara any need for him she had ever felt.
-
-This seemed funny and he began to laugh. "Everyone is being cured of
-me."
-
-"Yes, Bill. That is necessary." When Bill went on laughing Major
-Grey's voice turned quite sharp. "Come with me. It's time for your
-trial."
-
- * * * * *
-
-The enormous room in which they held the trial was utterly barren.
-At the great oaken table around which they all sat, there were three
-Medicorps officers in addition to Major Grey.
-
-Helen did not speak to Bill when they brought him in. He was placed on
-the same side of the table with an officer between them. Two orderlies
-stood behind Bill's chair. Other than these people, there was no one in
-the room.
-
-The great windows were high above the floor and displayed only the
-blissful sky. Now and then Bill saw a flock of pigeons waft aloft on
-silver-turning wings. Everyone at the table except himself had a copy
-of his case report and they discussed it with clipped sentences.
-Between the stone floor and the vaulted ceiling, a subtle echolalia
-babbled about Bill's problem behind their human talk.
-
-The discussion of the report lulled when Major Grey rapped on the
-table. He glanced unsmiling from face to face, and his voice hurried
-the ritualized words: "This is a court of medicine, co-joining the
-results of medical science and considered lay judgment to arrive
-at a decision in the case of patient Bill Walden. The patient is
-hospitalized for a history of drug refusal and communication breaks. We
-have before us the medical case record of patient Walden. Has everyone
-present studied this record?"
-
-All at the table nodded.
-
-"Do all present feel competent to pass judgment in this case?"
-
-Again there came the agreement.
-
-Major Grey continued, "It is my duty to advise you, in the presence
-of the patient, of the profound difference between a trial for simple
-drug refusal and one in which that aberration is compounded with
-communication breaks.
-
-"It is true that no other aberration is possible when the drugs are
-taken as prescribed. After all, the drugs _are_ the basis for our
-schizophrenic society. Nevertheless, simple drug refusal often is a
-mere matter of physiology, which is easy enough to remedy.
-
-"A far more profound threat to our society is the break in
-communication. This generally is more deeply motivated in the patient,
-and is often inaccessible to therapy. Such a patient is driven to
-emotive explorations which place the various ancient passions, and the
-infamous art of _historical gesture_, such as 'give me liberty or give
-me death,' above the welfare of society."
-
- * * * * *
-
-Bill watched the birds flash down the sky, a handful of heavenly
-coin. Never had it seemed to him so good to look at the sky. _If they
-hospitalize me_, he thought, _I will be content forever to sit and look
-from windows._
-
-"Our schizophrenic society," Major Grey was saying, "holds together and
-runs smoothly because, in each individual, the personality conflicts
-have been compartmentalized between hyperalter and hypoalter. On
-the social level, conflicting personalities are kept on opposite
-shifts and never contact each other. Or they are kept on shifts where
-contact is possible no more than one or two days out of ten. Bill
-Walden's break of shift is the type of behavior designed to reactivate
-these conflicts, and to generate the destructive passions on which
-an undrugged mind feeds. Already illness and disrupted lives have
-resulted."
-
-Major Grey paused and looked directly at Bill. "Exhaustive tests
-have demonstrated that your entire personality is involved. I might
-also say that the aberration to live without the drugs and to break
-communication codes _is_ your personality. All these Medicorps officers
-are agreed on that diagnosis. It remains now for us of the Medicorps
-to sit with the laymen intimately involved and decide on the action
-to be taken. The only possible alternatives after that diagnosis are
-permanent hospitalization or ... total removal of the personality by
-mnemonic erasure."
-
-Bill could not speak. He saw Major Grey nod to one of the orderlies
-and felt the man pushing up his sleeve and injecting his nerveless arm.
-They were forcing him to shift, he knew, so that Conrad Manz could sit
-on the trial and participate.
-
-Helplessly, he watched the great sky blacken and the room dim and
-disappear.
-
- * * * * *
-
-Major Grey did not avert his face, as did the others, while the shift
-was in progress. Helen Walden, he saw, was dramatizing her shame at
-being present during a shift, but the Medicorps officers simply stared
-at the table. Major Grey watched the face of Conrad Manz take form
-while the man who was going to be tried faded.
-
-Bill Walden had been without makeup, and as soon as he was sure Manz
-could hear him, Major Grey apologized. "I hope you won't object to this
-brief interlude in public without makeup. You are present at the trial
-of Bill Walden."
-
-Conrad Manz nodded and Major Grey waited another full minute for the
-shift to complete itself before he continued. "Mr. Manz, during the
-two days you waited in the hospital for us to catch Walden in shift, I
-discussed this case quite thoroughly with you, especially as it applied
-to the case of Clara Manz, on which we were already working.
-
-"You will recall that in the case of your wife, the Medicorps diagnosis
-was one of a clearly localized aberration. It was quite simple to apply
-the mnemonic eraser to that small section without disturbing in any way
-her basic personality. Medicorps agreement was for this procedure and
-the case did not come to trial, but simply went to operation, because
-lay agreement was obtained. First yourself and eventually--" Major Grey
-paused and let the memory of Helen's stubborn insistence that Clara die
-stir in Conrad's mind--"Mrs. Walden agreed with the Medicorps."
-
-Major Grey let the room wait in silence for a while. "The case of
-Bill Walden is quite different. The aberration involves the whole
-personality, and the alternative actions to be taken are permanent
-hospitalization or total erasure. In this case, I believe that
-Medicorps opinion will be divided as to proper action and--" Major Grey
-paused again and looked levelly at Conrad Manz--"this may be true,
-also, of the lay opinion."
-
-"How's that, Major?" demanded the highest ranking Medicorps officer
-present, a colonel named Hart, a tall, handsome man on whom the
-military air was a becoming skin. "What do you mean about Medicorps
-opinion being divided?"
-
-Major Grey answered quietly, "I'm holding out for hospitalization."
-
-Colonel Hart's face reddened. He thrust it forward and straightened his
-back. "That's preposterous! This is a clear-cut case of a dangerous
-threat to our society, and we, let me remind you, are _sworn_ to
-protect that society."
-
-Major Grey felt very tired. It was, after all, difficult to understand
-why he always fought so hard against erasure of these aberrant cases.
-But he began with quiet determination. "The threat to society is
-effectively removed by either of the alternatives, hospitalization
-or total erasure. I think you can all see from Bill Walden's medical
-record that his is a well rounded personality with a remarkable
-mind. In the environment of the 20th Century, he would have been an
-outstanding citizen, and possibly, if there had been more like him, our
-present society would have been better for it.
-
-"Our history has been one of weeding out all personalities that did not
-fit easily into our drugged society. Today there are so few left that I
-have handled only 136 in my entire career...."
-
-Major Grey saw that Helen Walden was tensing in her chair. He realized
-suddenly that she sensed better than he the effect he was having on the
-other men.
-
-"We should not forget that each time we erase one of these
-personalities," he pressed on relentlessly, "society loses irrevocably
-a certain capacity for change. If we eliminate all personalities who
-do not fit, we may find ourselves without any minds capable of meeting
-future change. Our direct ancestors were largely the inmates of mental
-hospitals ... we are fortunate _they_ were not erased. Conrad Manz," he
-asked abruptly, "what is your opinion on the case of Bill Walden?"
-
-Helen Walden started, but Conrad Manz shrugged his muscular shoulders.
-"Oh, hospitalize the three-headed monster!"
-
-Major Grey snapped his eyes directly past Colonel Hart and fastened
-them on the Medicorps captain. "Your opinion, Captain?"
-
-But Helen Walden was too quick. Before he could rap the table for
-order, she had her thin words hanging in the echoing room. "Having been
-Mr. Walden's wife for 15 years, my sentiments naturally incline me to
-ask for hospitalization. That is why I may safely say, if Major Grey
-will pardon me, that the logic of the drugs does not entirely fail us
-in a situation like this."
-
-Helen waited while all present got the idea that Major Grey had accused
-them of being illogical. "Bill's aberration has led to our daughter's
-illness. And think how quickly it contaminated Clara Manz! I cannot ask
-that society any longer expose itself, even to the extent of keeping
-Bill in the isolation of the hospital, for my purely sentimental
-reasons.
-
-"As for Major Grey's closing remarks, I cannot see how it is fair to
-bring my husband to trial as a threat to society, if some future chance
-is expected, in which a man of his behavior would benefit society.
-Surely such a change could only be one that would ruin our present
-world, or Bill would hardly fit it. I would not want to save Bill or
-anyone else for such a future."
-
-She did not have to say anything further. Both of the other Medicorps
-officers were now fully roused to their duty. Colonel Hart, of course,
-"humphed" at the opinions of a woman and cast his with Major Grey. But
-the fate of Bill Walden was sealed.
-
-Major Grey sat, weary and uneasy, as the creeping little doubts began.
-In the end, he would be left with the one big stone-heavy doubt ...
-could he have gone through with this if he had not been drugged, and
-how would the logic of the trial look without drugs?
-
-He became aware of the restiveness in the room. They were waiting for
-him, now that the decision was irrevocable. Without the drugs, he
-reflected, they might be feeling--what was the ancient word, _guilt_?
-No, that was what the criminal felt. _Remorse?_ That would be what they
-should be feeling. Major Grey wished Helen Walden could be forced to
-witness the erasure. People did not realize what it was like.
-
-What was it Bill had said? "You should see how foolish these
-communication codes took when you are undrugged. This stupid
-hide-and-seek of shifting...."
-
-Well, wasn't that a charge to be _inspected_ seriously, if you were
-taking it seriously enough to kill the man for it? As soon as this case
-was completed, he would have to return to his city and blot himself out
-so that his own hyperalter, Ralph Singer, a painter of bad pictures and
-a useless fool, could waste five more days. To that man he lost half
-his possible living days. What earthly good was Singer?
-
-Major Grey roused himself and motioned the orderly to inject Conrad
-Manz, so that Bill Walden would be forced back into shift.
-
-"As soon as I have advised the patient of our decision, you will all be
-dismissed. Naturally, I anticipated this decision and have arranged for
-immediate erasure. After the erasure, Mr. Manz, you will be instructed
-to appear regularly for suspended animation."
-
- * * * * *
-
-For some reason, the first thing Bill Walden did when he became
-conscious of his surroundings was to look out the great window for the
-flock of birds. But they were gone.
-
-Bill looked at Major Grey and said, "What are you going to do?"
-
-The officer ran his hand back through his whitening hair, but he looked
-at Bill without wavering. "You will be erased."
-
-Bill began to shake his head. "There is something wrong," he said.
-
-"Bill...." the major began.
-
-"There is something wrong," Bill repeated hopelessly. "Why must we be
-split so there is always something missing in each of us? Why must we
-be stupefied with drugs that keep us from knowing what we should feel?
-I was trying to live a better life. I did not want to hurt anyone."
-
-"But you _did_ hurt others," Major Grey said bluntly. "You would do so
-again if allowed to function in your own way in this society. Yet it
-would be insufferable to you to be hospitalized. You would be shut off
-forever from searching for another Clara Manz. And--there is no one
-else for you, is there?"
-
-Bill looked up, his eyes cringing as though they stared at death. "No
-one else?" he asked vacantly. "No one?"
-
-The two orderlies lifted him up by his arms, almost carrying him into
-the operating room. His feet dragged helplessly. He made no resistance
-as they lifted him onto the operating table and strapped him down.
-
-Beside him was the great panel of the mnemonic eraser with its thousand
-unblinking eyes. The helmetlike prober cabled to this calculator was
-fastened about his skull, and he could no longer see the professor who
-was lecturing in the amphitheater above. But along his body he could
-see the group of medical students. They were looking at him with great
-interest, too young not to let the human drama interfere with their
-technical education.
-
-The professor, however, droned in a purely objective voice. "The
-mnemonic eraser can selectively shunt from the brain any identifiable
-category of memory, and erase the synaptic patterns associated with its
-translation into action. Circulating memory is disregarded. The machine
-only locates and shunts out those energies present as permanent memory.
-These are there in part as permanently echoing frequencies in closed
-cytoplasmic systems. These systems are in contact with the rest of the
-nervous system only during the phenomenon of remembrance. Remembrance
-occurs when, at all the synapses in a given network 'y,' the
-permanently echoing frequencies are duplicated as transient circulating
-frequencies.
-
-"The objective in a total operation of the sort before us is to
-distinguish all the stored permanent frequencies, typical of the
-personality you wish to extinguish, from the frequencies typical of the
-other personality present in the brain."
-
-Major Grey's face, very tired, but still wearing a mask of adamant
-reassurance, came into Bill's vision. "There will be a few moments of
-drug-induced terror, Bill. That is necessary for the operation. I hope
-knowing it beforehand will help you ride with it. It will not be for
-long." He squeezed Bill's shoulder and was gone.
-
-"The trick was learned early in our history, when this type of total
-operation was more often necessary," the professor continued. "It is
-really quite simple to extinguish one personality while leaving the
-other undisturbed. The other personality in the case before us has
-been drug-immobilized to keep this one from shifting. At the last
-moment, this personality before us will be drug-stimulated to bring
-it to the highest possible pitch of total activity. This produces
-utterly disorganized activity, every involved neuron and synapse being
-activated simultaneously by the drug. It is then a simple matter for
-the mnemonic eraser to locate all permanently echoing frequencies
-involved in this personality and suck them into its receiver."
-
-Bill was suddenly aware that a needle had been thrust into his arm.
-Then it was as though all the terror, panic and traumatic incidents of
-his whole life leaped into his mind. All the pleasant experiences and
-feelings he had ever known were there, too, but were transformed into
-terror.
-
-A bell was ringing with regular strokes. Across the panel of the
-mnemonic eraser, the tiny counting lights were alive with movement.
-
-There was in Bill a fright, a demand for survival so great that it
-could not be felt.
-
-It was actually from an island of complete calm that part of him saw
-the medical students rising dismayed and white-faced from their seats.
-It was apart from himself that his body strained to lift some mountain
-and filled the operating amphitheater with shrieking echoes. And all
-the time the thousand eyes of the mnemonic eraser flickered in swift
-patterns, a silent measure of the cells and circuits of his mind.
-
-Abruptly the tiny red counting lights went off, a red beam glowed with
-a burr of warning. Someone said, "Now!" The mind of Bill Walden flashed
-along a wire as electrical energy and, converted on the control panel
-into mechanical energy, it spun a small ratchet counter.
-
-"Please sit down," the professor said to the shaken students. "The drug
-that has kept the other personality immobilized is being counteracted
-by this next injection. Now that the sickly personality has been
-dissipated, the healthy one can be brought back rapidly.
-
-"As you are aware, the synapse operates on the binary 'yes-no' choice
-system of an electronic calculator. All synapses which were involved in
-the diseased personality have now been reduced to an atypical, uniform
-threshold. Thus they can be re-educated in new patterns by the healthy
-personality remaining.... There, you see the countenance of the healthy
-personality appearing."
-
- * * * * *
-
-It was Conrad Manz who looked up at them with a wry grin. He rotated
-his shoulders to loosen them. "How many of you pushed old Bill Walden
-around? He left me with some sore muscles. Well, I did that often
-enough to him...."
-
-Major Grey stood over him, face sick and white with the horror of
-what he had seen. "According to law, Mr. Manz, you and your wife are
-entitled to five rest days on your next shift. When they are over, you
-will, of course, report for suspended animation for what would have
-been your hyperalter's shift."
-
-Conrad Manz's grin shrank and vanished. "_Would_ have been? Bill
-is--gone?"
-
-"Yes."
-
-"I never thought I'd miss him." Conrad looked as sick as Major Grey
-felt. "It makes me feel--I don't know if I can explain it--sort of
-_amputated_. As though something's wrong with me because everybody else
-has an alter and I don't. Did the poor son of a straitjacket suffer
-much?"
-
-"I'm afraid he did."
-
-Conrad Manz lay still for a moment with his eyes closed and his mouth
-thin with pity and remorse. "What will happen to Helen?"
-
-"She'll be all right," Major Grey said. "There will be Bill's
-insurance, naturally, and she won't have much trouble finding another
-husband. That kind never seems to."
-
-"Five rest days?" Conrad repeated. "Is that what you said?" He sat up
-and swung his legs off the table, and he was grinning again. "I'll get
-in a whole shift of jet-skiing! No, wait--I've got a date with the wife
-of a friend of mine out at the rocket grounds. I'll take Clara out
-there; she'll like some of the men."
-
-Major Grey nodded abstractedly. "Good idea." He shook hands with
-Conrad Manz, wished him fun on his rest shift, and left.
-
-Taking a helicopter back to his city, Major Grey thought of his own
-hyperalter, Ralph Singer. He'd often wished that the silly fool
-could be erased. Now he wondered how it would be to have only one
-personality, and, wondering, realized that Conrad Manz had been
-right--it _would_ be like amputation, the shameful distinction of
-living in a schizophrenic society with no alter.
-
-No, Bill Walden had been wrong, completely wrong, both about drugs
-and being split into two personalities. What one made up in pleasure
-through not taking drugs was more than lost in the suffering of
-conflict, frustration and hostility. And having an alter--any kind,
-even one as useless as Singer--meant, actually, _not being alone_.
-
-Major Grey parked the helicopter and found a shifting station. He took
-off his makeup, addressed and mailed his clothes, and waited for the
-shift to come.
-
-It was a pretty wonderful society he lived in, he realized. He wouldn't
-trade it for the kind Bill Walden had wanted. Nobody in his right mind
-would.
-
-
-
-
-
-End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Beyond Bedlam, by Wyman Guin
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