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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..d7b82bc --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,4 @@ +*.txt text eol=lf +*.htm text eol=lf +*.html text eol=lf +*.md text eol=lf diff --git a/LICENSE.txt b/LICENSE.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6312041 --- /dev/null +++ b/LICENSE.txt @@ -0,0 +1,11 @@ +This eBook, including all associated images, markup, improvements, +metadata, and any other content or labor, has been confirmed to be +in the PUBLIC DOMAIN IN THE UNITED STATES. + +Procedures for determining public domain status are described in +the "Copyright How-To" at https://www.gutenberg.org. + +No investigation has been made concerning possible copyrights in +jurisdictions other than the United States. Anyone seeking to utilize +this eBook outside of the United States should confirm copyright +status under the laws that apply to them. diff --git a/README.md b/README.md new file mode 100644 index 0000000..4c38771 --- /dev/null +++ b/README.md @@ -0,0 +1,2 @@ +Project Gutenberg (https://www.gutenberg.org) public repository for +eBook #51844 (https://www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/51844) diff --git a/old/51844-h.zip b/old/51844-h.zip Binary files differdeleted file mode 100644 index ee32355..0000000 --- a/old/51844-h.zip +++ /dev/null diff --git a/old/51844-h/51844-h.htm b/old/51844-h/51844-h.htm deleted file mode 100644 index fbb15bf..0000000 --- a/old/51844-h/51844-h.htm +++ /dev/null @@ -1,3244 +0,0 @@ -<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC "-//W3C//DTD XHTML 1.0 Strict//EN" - "http://www.w3.org/TR/xhtml1/DTD/xhtml1-strict.dtd"> -<html xmlns="http://www.w3.org/1999/xhtml" xml:lang="en" lang="en"> - <head> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html;charset=us-ascii" /> - <meta http-equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css" /> - <title> - The Project Gutenberg eBook of Someone to Watch Over Me, by Christopher Grimm. - </title> - <link rel="coverpage" href="images/cover.jpg" /> - - <style type="text/css"> - -body { - margin-left: 10%; - margin-right: 10%; -} - - h1,h2 { - text-align: center; /* all headings centered */ - clear: both; -} - -p { - margin-top: .51em; - text-align: justify; - margin-bottom: .49em; -} - -hr { - width: 33%; - margin-top: 2em; - margin-bottom: 2em; - margin-left: 33.5%; - margin-right: 33.5%; - clear: both; -} - -hr.chap {width: 65%; margin-left: 17.5%; margin-right: 17.5%;} -hr.tb {width: 45%; margin-left: 27.5%; margin-right: 27.5%;} - -.center {text-align: center;} - -.right {text-align: right;} - -.caption {font-weight: bold;} - -/* Images */ -.figcenter { - margin: auto; - text-align: center; -} - -div.titlepage { - text-align: center; - page-break-before: always; - page-break-after: always; -} - -div.titlepage p { - text-align: center; - text-indent: 0em; - font-weight: bold; - line-height: 1.5; - margin-top: 3em; -} - -.ph1, .ph2, .ph3, .ph4 { text-align: center; text-indent: 0em; font-weight: bold; } -.ph1 { font-size: xx-large; margin: .67em auto; } -.ph2 { font-size: x-large; margin: .75em auto; } -.ph3 { font-size: large; margin: .83em auto; } -.ph4 { font-size: medium; margin: 1.12em auto; } - - - </style> - </head> -<body> - - -<pre> - -The Project Gutenberg EBook of Someone to Watch Over Me, by Christopher Grimm - -This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with -almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: Someone to Watch Over Me - -Author: Christopher Grimm - -Release Date: April 23, 2016 [EBook #51844] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SOMEONE TO WATCH OVER ME *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - -</pre> - - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/cover.jpg" width="369" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="titlepage"> -<h1>Someone To Watch Over Me</h1> - -<p>By CHRISTOPHER GRIMM</p> - -<p>Illustrated by DICK FRANCIS</p> - -<p>[Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from<br /> -Galaxy Science Fiction October 1959.<br /> -Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that<br /> -the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.]</p> - -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="ph3"><i>In the awfulness of hyperspace, everything<br /> -was the nightmare opposite of itself ... and<br /> -here was where Len Mattern found his goal!</i></p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="ph4">I</p> - -<p>Len Mattern paused before the door of the Golden Apple Bar. The elation -that had carried him up to this point suddenly wasn't there any more. -Lyddy couldn't have changed too much, he'd kept telling himself. After -all, it hadn't been so very long since he'd seen her. Now he found -himself counting the years ... and they added up to a long time.</p> - -<p>But it was too late to go back now. A familiar thought. The commitment -was moral only, and to himself, no one else—the same way it had been -that other time, the time that had changed the direction of his whole -life, and, possibly, of all other lives in his universe as well. There -was only one human being with whom he kept faith—himself. Therefore, -the commitment was a binding one.</p> - -<p>He pushed open the door and went in.</p> - -<p>He saw Lyddy at the end of the bar, surrounded by a group of men. Lyddy -had always been surrounded by a group of men, he remembered, unless she -was up in her room entertaining just one. She half-turned and he saw -her face. The sun-pink lips were parted, her eyes still comparable to -the heavens of Earth. She stood erect and lithe and slender.</p> - -<p><i>She had not changed at all!</i></p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The tension that had built up inside him snapped with the weight -of sudden relief. He lurched against a small hokur-motal table. It -rocked crazily. The zhapik who owned the Golden Apple came out from -behind the carved screen where he'd been sitting segregated from the -customers. Many of the zhapiq, who had been native to Erytheia before -the Federation took over, owned businesses catering to humans. It might -be degrading, but it paid well.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus1.jpg" width="600" height="434" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>"Maybe you've had enough to drink, Captain?" he suggested. "Maybe -you'd like to come back another time?"</p> - -<p>"I haven't had anything at all to drink," Mattern said curtly. "What's -more, I haven't come for a drink."</p> - -<p>He strode across the room, firmly now, and brushed aside the men who -clustered around Lyddy. "I've come for you," he told her.</p> - -<p>She didn't say anything, just looked him up and down. The beautiful -blue eyes skillfully appraised his worth as a man and as a customer. -Then she smiled and patted the gilded hair that streamed past her bare -shoulders to her narrow waist.</p> - -<p>"You're not a Far Planets man," she said. "How come you know about me?"</p> - -<p>Funny he should feel disappointed. Sure, he'd been thinking of her all -those years, but he'd never expected her to have been thinking of him. -Yet he found himself blurting out, "Don't you remember me, Lyddy?" -Then he cursed himself; first because he didn't want her to remember -him as he had been; second, because he knew every man who'd ever slept -with her—or a woman like her—would ask the same question. And, of -course, she'd have the standard answer, something like "Why, of course -I remember you, honey. I'm just not good at names."</p> - -<p>But she just looked at him levelly. "No, dear, I'm afraid I don't -remember you," she said. Then a tiny frown gathered on her smooth -forehead. "Seems to me I would've, though. When did I meet you?"</p> - -<p>"Oh, years ago! I was just a kid!"</p> - -<p>She flushed, and he realized he'd been a little tactless. If he was no -kid any more, neither would she be. Still, she looked as young as she -ever had, and he, he knew, looked younger.</p> - -<p>He didn't want her to probe further, so he hastily made an appointment -with her for an evening later that week. As he left, he could hear her -saying, in a bewildered voice, "I could've sworn there was somebody -with him when he came in."</p> - -<p>And he quickened his steps.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>She had the same room—a warm luxurious chamber, high up in the Golden -Apple Hotel. Lyddy herself was the same, too, just as he remembered her.</p> - -<p>Afterward, as they lay together in the blackness, she asked, "Can you -see in the dark, Captain?"</p> - -<p>He was surprised, and then, thinking about it, not so surprised. "Of -course not, no more than you can! Whatever made you ask that?"</p> - -<p>"I—feel like somebody's looking at me."</p> - -<p>He rolled over on his side, so his body was as far away from hers as -possible. He didn't want her to feel the sudden rise of tension in him. -<i>Something's got to be done about this</i>, he thought. <i>I can't put up -with it now.</i></p> - -<p>"Why don't you say anything, honey?" her anxious voice came out of the -darkness.</p> - -<p>"Will you marry me, Lyddy?" he said.</p> - -<p>He could hear the intake of her breath. "Ask me again in the morning," -she told him wearily. He knew what she must be thinking: Men who hadn't -had a woman for a long time sometimes did strange things. In the -morning, she would wake up and he would be gone.</p> - -<p>Only, when morning came, he was still there. Two weeks later, they were -married.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="ph4">II</p> - -<p>Lyddy was curious about her husband-to-be and kept trying to find -out all about him. Fortunately, in the code of the Far Planets, a -man's past was his own business, so he was able to be evasive without -actually lying to her. Not that he had any scruples, about lying; it -was simply easier to tell as few stories as possible, rather than worry -about keeping them straight.</p> - -<p>But it was all right to ask about a man's present. "Do you have -anybody, Len? Relations, anything like that?"</p> - -<p>He frowned a little, remembering the boy on Fairhurst. "No," he said, -"I have no relatives. I have nobody."</p> - -<p>Her face fell. "It would've been kind of nice to have a ready-made -family."</p> - -<p>"Oh, I don't know," he said. "There are times when it's better to have -no family."</p> - -<p>"Yeah, I guess you're right. They might not approve of me."</p> - -<p>"We'll be everything to each other," he assured her.</p> - -<p>There was a ghost of a sound then—a laugh or a sigh. He hoped she -didn't hear it.</p> - -<p>The zhapik insisted on giving Lyddy's wedding, even though he himself -could, of course, be present only behind the screen. Most people said -the old E-T bastard knew a good piece of publicity when he saw it, but -Mattern thought it might be out of genuine sentiment. He was closer -to aliens than most men in this sector, any sector. Although he had -originally hailed from the Far Planets, he had traveled widely and lost -his prejudices. His best friend wasn't human.</p> - -<p>Every human in Erytheia City was invited to the wedding. Mattern's four -crewmen came. Three were middle-aged and had sailed with Mattern for -years, but his most recent acquisition was a young man, almost a boy. -Something Raines, his name was. He kept staring at Lyddy as if he had -never seen a beautiful woman before, though, coming from Earth, he must -have seen many. Mattern was gratified at this tribute to his choice.</p> - -<p>"Only four crewmen!" Lyddy said, looking disappointed. "You must have a -small ship."</p> - -<p>Mattern smiled. "Not too small." He could see she didn't believe him.</p> - -<p>Lyddy didn't seem to be enjoying her wedding. She kept glancing over -her shoulder all through the ceremony and during the reception. Finally -Mattern had to ask her what was wrong, although he would rather not -have known.</p> - -<p>"Y'know, hon," she whispered, "I keep having the funniest feeling -there's somebody <i>extra</i> here, somebody who doesn't belong. I haven't -quite seen him; he always seems to slip by so fast, but I don't even -think he's a man."</p> - -<p>"Don't be silly, Lyddy," he said, almost sharply. "You know no -extraterrestrial would dare to crash a human party!"</p> - -<p>"I guess not." But she still kept looking over her shoulder.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The zhapik invited them to remain at the Golden Apple Hotel as his -guests for as long as they liked. They stayed two months. Then Mattern -told his wife it was time they started planning their future, decided -where they were going to live. "You'll want a home of your own," he -said. "Otherwise you'll get bored."</p> - -<p>"I'm never bored," said Lyddy. "But where will we go? I mean what -system?"</p> - -<p>"Well, Erytheia is a pleasure planet, so I thought we might as well -stay here. There are some attractive residential neighborhoods on this -continent—or, if you'd prefer, the other one."</p> - -<p>Her face fell. "You mean we're going to stay <i>here</i>?"</p> - -<p>He didn't know why he was so anxious to remain on Erytheia. Mainly it -was because for no good reason he found himself disliking the idea of -making the Jump with her. "If you'd rather, I could build you a city of -your own, Lyddy," he tempted her.</p> - -<p>It was obvious that even if she had taken this seriously, it still -wouldn't be what she wanted. "I'd like to go away from here," she told -him. "Far away."</p> - -<p>"Just because you want a change—is that it?"</p> - -<p>She hesitated. "That's partly it. But there's more. Somehow, ever since -we've been married, I keep feeling all the time like—like I'm being -watched."</p> - -<p>His smile was strained. "Well, naturally, in 'Rytheia City, people -will tend to—watch. Let's go far away from where people are. There's -an island on this planet, way off in the western seas. I'll buy you -that island, Lyddy. I'll build you a villa there—a chateau, a castle, -whatever you want."</p> - -<p>But she shook her golden head. "No, nothing like that. I want to go to -another system. It's not that I don't want to be where people are. I -like crowds. I just want to be where there are <i>different</i> people."</p> - -<p>He forced another smile. "What's gotten into you, Lyddy? In the old -days, you used to be so calm."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>She wriggled her shoulders uncomfortably. "I keep seeing things, -shadows that shouldn't be there, reflections of nothing. Only, when I -turn, they don't get out of the way fast enough to be nothing."</p> - -<p>"They?" he repeated.</p> - -<p>"I only see one at a time, but I don't know if it's always the same -one." She shivered again.</p> - -<p>"It must be your nerves." He went on resolutely, "Maybe you do need a -change of scene." Actually it was absurd to feel so apprehensive about -the Jump. She'd be safer in hyperspace in his ship than anywhere else -in the universe. And a large metropolis might provide distractions to -take her mind off—shadows. "How would you like to go to Burdon?"</p> - -<p>"That would be real nice!" But she was not as enthusiastic about it as -he had expected.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>She laid a hesitant hand on his arm. "Honey," she began tentatively, -"you—you seem to spend so much time all by yourself. Do I bore you?"</p> - -<p>"Of course not, dear," he said awkwardly. "It just seems that way to -you. Pressure of business...."</p> - -<p>"But why do you play chess with yourself all the time?"</p> - -<p>"I've spent so much time in space that I got into the habit of playing -alone. Many spacemen do that."</p> - -<p>She bit her painted lip. "Sometimes—sometimes when you're alone in -your room, I hear your voice. Why do you talk to yourself?"</p> - -<p>It was an effort for him to meet the beautiful, blank blue eyes. "When -you're alone a lot of the time, sweetheart, you have to hear the sound -of a voice even if it's your own, or you start hearing voices."</p> - -<p>"But you have me," she said. "You're <i>not</i> alone. But you still do it."</p> - -<p>"Old habits are hard to break, dear."</p> - -<p>She looked up at him, trying to force her way past the wall in his -eyes. God help her, he thought, if she ever succeeds. "Would you like -me to learn to play chess?"</p> - -<p>"Would you like to?"</p> - -<p>"I—don't know," she murmured doubtfully. "I've never been much good -at mind things. But I want to be <i>everything</i> to you."</p> - -<p>"You are, sweetheart." He stooped and kissed her. "Don't force yourself -to do anything you don't want to for my sake. I'm used to playing -alone."</p> - -<p>"But I want you to do things with <i>me</i>!"</p> - -<p>"I'll do everything else with you," he promised.</p> - -<p>He went to his room and shut the door behind him. But she had heard him -talking there, so sounds must carry through. When they got a place of -their own, he would have the walls and doors sound-proofed. Meanwhile, -it would be safer to go to the ship.</p> - -<p>As he came out of the hotel door, he collided with a man who looked -familiar. It took him a moment to identify the sullen, startled face as -belonging to that newest member of his crew, young Something Raines.</p> - -<p>"Hello there," he said. "Were you coming to see me?"</p> - -<p>"N-no, sir. I was just coming in for a—a pack of Earth smokesticks. -I can't stand those <i>stinking</i> native brands!" The boy spoke with a -viciousness so unsuited to the subject that it was almost funny. He -flushed, perhaps realizing this, perhaps remembering that Mattern was -reputed to hail from this sector. "It's a question of what you're used -to, see?" he mumbled.</p> - -<p>"Of course," Mattern agreed pleasantly. "This is your first time on -Erytheia, is it?"</p> - -<p>"Yes, my first time here."</p> - -<p>"Are you enjoying it?"</p> - -<p>"Well, I dunno exactly." There was doubt in the boy's blue eyes. -Something in them seemed familiar, more familiar than just recognizing -one of his own crewmen. He had a look of—who? Of Lyddy? But that was -absurd.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The doubt in Raines' face had changed to fear, and Mattern realized -that he himself must have been just standing there, staring at him. He -laughed. "You're supposed to <i>enjoy</i> Erytheia; it's a pleasure planet."</p> - -<p>"Well," the boy said, choosing his words with care, "it's a pretty -enough place, but it's set up more for people with money. I mean -there's nothing here for fellows like me; the pleasure's for the rich -people only. Even the smokesticks cost almost twice as much as anywhere -else."</p> - -<p>"We'll probably be leaving soon, so you'll only have to stick it a -little while longer." Mattern's hand went to his pocket, then fell to -his side as he saw the look on the boy's face. If Raines was proud, -Mattern would not offend him by offering him money. "Maybe you'll find -Burdon more to your liking."</p> - -<p>"Oh, <i>yes</i>, sir!" The young spaceman's face was virtually radiant. <i>He -must have a girl on Burdon</i>, Mattern thought, amused.</p> - -<p>As he walked over to the landing field where his ship was moored, -he was troubled by the memory of the boy's voice. Not that it was -familiar—but there was the faintest hint of a Far Planets accent. -Provincials as a rule didn't go to the terrestrial space schools, but -it was, of course, possible. Raines must have had an Earth education, -because Mattern followed the rule of the Marine service and never hired -a man who didn't have a degree from one of the space schools. He must -look at the boy's records as soon as he got a chance.</p> - -<p><i>The Hesperian Queen</i> was not a small vessel. She was one of the -newest, fastest, most fully automated models. Moreover, she was large -and she glittered like a dwarf star. Lyddy would get a surprise when -she came to see the ship.</p> - -<p>Mattern greeted the crew member on watch and went up to his luxuriously -appointed cabin—suite, really. Inside, a chessboard was set up, as its -counterpart was set up in his hotel room, one side in the light from a -porthole, the other in a corner full of shadows.</p> - -<p>The pieces were not only in position, but a game had been started. -Mattern sat down on the bright side and moved a piece.</p> - -<p>"Lyddy's aware of you," he told the shadows. "She has no idea of what -you are, of course. But she knows you're around, kqyres. She's half -seen you and it's beginning to bother her. It's beginning to bother me, -too."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Part of the shifting grayness flowed over the board. When it receded, -a knight had changed its place. "Truly, I have tried to be careful," a -quiet, rather tired voice said out of a darkness at the heart of the -shadows, an area that was tenuously substant. "Is it certain that you -yourself have not in some way given her cause for suspicion?"</p> - -<p>"Quite certain. I've watched myself night and day." Mattern smiled -ruefully. "Which is damned hard when you're on your honeymoon."</p> - -<p>"Is there anyone else who might have spoken of these things to her?" -the kqyres asked.</p> - -<p>"No one." Then Mattern remembered the young spaceman he had met coming -into the hotel, who seemed to have a look of Lyddy. But that was -nonsensical. Looking <i>like</i> her didn't mean talking <i>to</i> her. In any -case, what would Raines know that he could tell her? Silly to be so -suspicious. The Golden Apple <i>was</i> one of the few places in Erytheia -City where one could get Earth smokesticks. "No one," Mattern repeated. -"No one at all."</p> - -<p>The patterns shifted and darkened. "Then I must be getting careless. I -am growing old."</p> - -<p>"Anyone can make a slip," Mattern said reassuringly. "Just try to be a -little more careful, that's all." He moved a rook.</p> - -<p>The grayness crept out over the board, touched a bishop, hesitated, and -moved to a pawn. <i>He is getting old</i>, Mattern thought pityingly, as he -took the pawn. <i>Once I could never beat him. Now I win two games out of -three.</i></p> - -<p>"But you are content with the woman?" his partner asked anxiously. "You -are not disappointed with her in any way? She pleases you as much today -as she did when first you set eyes on her?"</p> - -<p>"Of course she does! You'd think it was you who'd been dreaming of her -all these years, not me."</p> - -<p>"I suppose we shared those dreams...."</p> - -<p>"And you'd never seen her." Mattern stared intently at the shadow. "Are -you disappointed, then?"</p> - -<p>"Of course not. You know that to me a human woman is merely an object -of art. And she <i>is</i> very beautiful. But I thought she might not have -come up to your expectations. Reality often falls short of dreams." The -shadow's voice tautened. "Has she changed much?"</p> - -<p>"Very little," Mattern said, absorbed once more in the game. "You'd -think only a year or two had passed. Surprising how women do it."</p> - -<p>The shadow sighed. "Surprising," it agreed, its voice relaxing. "But -then the female sex is mysterious."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>They played on a while in silence. The kqyres finally spoke. "You will -need a lot of money to provide an establishment fitting for so lovely a -lady."</p> - -<p>"I have a lot of money," Mattern said. "More than enough."</p> - -<p>The kqyres flickered so violently that Mattern's eyes hurt. "Not enough -for the things she deserves to have. Jewels, palaces, planets...."</p> - -<p>"One thing I know would make it a lot more comfortable for her," -Mattern suggested. "If only you didn't have to be close to me all the -time, kqyres. If only you could stay on the ship even when I'm not -there. Not that I don't enjoy your company," he added quickly, "but she -seems to be highly strung."</p> - -<p>"Do you think I like the situation any better than you? But this is the -way the mbretersha has ordered it."</p> - -<p>"I suppose she knows what she's doing," Mattern sighed. In any -case, the mbretersha's orders were absolute and could not be -contravened—otherwise, at least one universe might be destroyed. There -were still so many things he didn't understand and was not likely to -learn.</p> - -<p>"Strange," he went on pensively, "that Lyddy should have seen you, when -I hardly can, and I <i>know</i> you're here." He knew, too, that the kqyres -was deliberately vibrating out of phase, so that the horror of his -appearance in this continuum would be spared not only those he chanced -to meet, but also himself. There was always the danger of passing a -mirror. Knowing how the kqyres looked in his own universe, knowing how -he himself looked in the kqyres' universe, Mattern didn't doubt that -any revelation would be a frightful one. However, he couldn't help -being curious.</p> - -<p>"I still think someone must have told her where to stare," the shadow -said, "and what for."</p> - -<p>"Don't be absurd!" Mattern snapped, outraged at the idea that his -carefully kept secret might not be a secret at all. "Just try to be -careful when she's around. Vibrate harder, or something."</p> - -<p>"I shall do my poor best." The shadowy one hesitated. "Do you not think -that if perhaps you were to tell her the truth—"</p> - -<p>"Lord, no!" Mattern exclaimed. "She'd take a fit!"</p> - -<p>"Once you would not have spoken of her that way," the kqyres said -reproachfully.</p> - -<p>"I didn't mean it the way it sounded," Mattern tried to explain. "It's -just that—well, by now I hardly remember what the truth is myself."</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="ph4">III</p> - -<p>Did that truth go back fifteen years, to the time he had met the -kqyres, twenty years to the time he had first seen Lyddy? Or even -further back than that? Did it go back, say, twenty-four years, to the -time when he was sixteen and had killed his stepfather? He could still -see Karl Brodek lying there with his head crushed, could still feel the -terror rising in him at what he had done....</p> - -<p>Then he had turned and fled the small community on Fairhurst—one of -the Clytemnestra planets—and made for the capital, where he shipped -out on one of the small tramp freighters that voyaged among the planets -of that system. None of the four other planets was human-inhabitable, -but two had mining stations, and one had a native civilization advanced -enough to make trading practicable, though not very profitable.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>For the next four years, he drifted from one tenth-rate ship to -another, one ill-paid job to another. In all this time, he never left -the Clytemnestra System. As soon as he was satisfied that his former -neighbors were not going to set the law on his trail, he had no desire -to go away. It wasn't place-liking that kept him; it was dread of the -Jump.</p> - -<p>Most spacemen never do quite get over their dread of the hyperspace -Jump, but with Len the dread amounted almost to a mania. He was ashamed -of the feeling, especially since he suspected he'd picked up that -extra dollop of terror from the creatures on the native planet.</p> - -<p>Self-respecting colonials didn't associate with non-humans, but during -those first years of fear that his fellow men were hunting him, he'd -felt safe only with the flluska. He learned a little of their language, -and he spent such spare time as he had on Liman, their planet. He -couldn't breathe the atmosphere, but there were the trading domes; -nobody minded if he used them when there was no trade going on.</p> - -<p>The flluska were a religious people, with gods and demons similar to -those of the terrestrial cosmogonies. Only, while their gods lived -conventionally in the sky, their demons lived in hyperspace. Len was -too unsophisticated himself to wonder how so primitive a people could -have evolved such a concept as hyperspace in their theology. He merely -grew to share their terror of it.</p> - -<p>The year Len was twenty, the <i>Perseus</i>, one of the star freighters that -made the long haul from Castor to Capella, found itself in Fairhurst -Station short one deckhand. The man they'd shipped out with was in -jail, waiting to see whether a manslaughter or assault charge was -going to be lodged against him. The ship could not afford to wait. The -station was scoured for a replacement and Len Mattern was the best man -they could find.</p> - -<p>Normally the starships did not take on untrained hands. Even the -lowliest crewman was supposed to have spent a minimum number of years -at the space schools, because in theory, all promotions came from -the ranks, even in the merchant service. But in spite of his lack of -training, they offered him the job. The bigline ships never liked to -sail shorthanded; in case of trouble, that could be a basis for legal -action.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Len knew the opportunity offered him was a dazzling one—not only far -more money than he'd ever seen before, but the chance of breaking out -of the system. He was afraid though, terribly afraid. "I've never made -the Jump," he told the second officer in a quavering voice.</p> - -<p>"You'll never be a real spaceman until you do." The second officer was -patient, because he knew Mattern was his only chance of making the crew -up to its full complement.</p> - -<p>"I've heard tell that—things change their shapes in Hyperspace."</p> - -<p>"Maybe they do; maybe it's their real shapes you see out there. Who's -to tell what the truth is?"</p> - -<p>Len licked dry lips and tried again. "They say there're people—beings, -anyway—<i>living</i> in hyperspace." That tale he had heard from spacemen -who had made the Jump. Even if he'd believed in the flluska's -demons, he would have had the good sense not to admit such a -thing to a starship officer—a man of sophistication from the Near -Planets, perhaps even Earth herself. Still, spacemen were notorious -myth-spinners. Perhaps he had made a fool of himself, anyway.</p> - -<p>But the second officer wasn't laughing. "Federation law says we should -have nothing to do with the creatures of hyperspace. If we leave them -alone, they don't bother us."</p> - -<p>It would have been better if the officer had laughed at him and said -there was nothing in hyperspace but space. "Will we see them?"</p> - -<p>"Does a ship going through ordinary space see any of us?" the officer -returned. "The creatures of hyperspace live on their own planets, and -we give those planets a wide berth. Simple as that." He added, "What -are you so afraid of, boy? Not a ship's been lost in hyperspace for -over two centuries, and there haven't been any blowups for years."</p> - -<p>"Blowups?" Len repeated.</p> - -<p>"Accidents. A technical term. You've taken worse risks shipping out in -those tincan tramps."</p> - -<p>Finally, Len gave in—to his own common sense more than to the -officer's—and signed up for the voyage. He filled out the necessary -forms—hundreds of them, it seemed like. When it came to each line for -next of kin, he left a blank on every one.</p> - -<p>"Haven't you any relatives at all?" the second officer asked, surprised.</p> - -<p>"Not a one." Len didn't bother to mention that half-brother back on -Fairhurst; a five-year-old kid isn't much kin to speak of. Besides, the -boy probably didn't even know he had a brother—he'd been less than a -year old when Len left. One of the barren women must have adopted him -and brought him up as her own.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>So Len Mattern filled out all the papers and was inscribed on the -ship's rolls. And he made the terrible jump through hyperspace for the -first time.</p> - -<p>People who traveled on spaceships only as passengers never could -understand why the Jump was invariably referred to as "terrible." -That was because before the ship made the Jump they'd be given drugs, -in their cocktails, in their food at dinner, or in their drinking -water—and the next day they'd wake up and find they had slept right -through the whole thing, so it couldn't be so awful. Of course those -who traveled around the universe a lot were bound to catch on. Someday -they'd miss a meal or not drink anything and they'd find themselves -awake while the ship was Jumping. But the shipping lines didn't take -any chances and the aberrant passengers would also find themselves -locked in their cabins with smooth metal shutters where the mirrors -used to be.</p> - -<p>But one thing that couldn't be helped: They couldn't be stopped from -looking down at themselves and seeing extra arms and legs; or finding -no arms and legs at all, but tentacles instead; or that their skin had -turned into shining scales or that there was an extra eye in the back -of their head. And when the time came for another Jump, they would -<i>ask</i> to be drugged.</p> - -<p>However, crewmen couldn't be drugged. They had to be awake to tend the -ship. The credo of the Space Service was that you couldn't trust a -machine to itself any more than you could trust an extraterrestrial, a -non-human. If a man wasn't in charge, ultimately everything would go -to pot. That was part of the space tradition, like the primitive axes -that hung on the bulkheads, so a man could smash his way to the modern -fire-fighting equipment. Except, of course, that if fire really broke -out, it would be quicker to press the button that sent the automatic -fire-fighting machines into immediate action. But still the axes hung -there, because they had always hung there—and, like all the metal on -the ship, they had to be kept polished.</p> - -<p>Each time a ship made the Jump, the crewmen stayed awake. They saw -space and time change before their eyes. They saw their own fellows -turn into monsters. It was an awful thing to see, even though they -knew it wasn't actually a change, but a shift to another aspect of -themselves. Worse than the seeing was the <i>feeling</i>. It was like being -turned inside out, organ by organ—your heart and your liver and your -guts and all the rest, each carefully turned inside out, the way a -woman takes off her gloves, smoothing each one with great precision. -The hellish part was that it didn't hurt. A man felt as if he were -being twisted and wrenched apart, and it didn't hurt, and it was the -wrongness of that more than anything else that—well, that was why the -pay was so high on the starships. So many of them went mad.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>All this Len Mattern had heard of and had expected—though no amount -of expectation could have braced him for that kind of reality. But -there was more to it than he had heard, and it was the extra part -that the second officer seemed curiously anxious to deny. "You saw -nobody—nothing at the portholes," he told Mattern after that first -Jump. "You just imagined it."</p> - -<p>Mattern had been a spaceman long enough to be able to distinguish -imagination from reality. Perhaps the creatures of hyperspace did live -on planets, but it seemed they did not breathe the atmosphere of those -planets as human beings breathe air, and so they were not confined -to them. They could move around freely in the starless dusk of their -universe. And, if there was a pact, then they must be intelligent -creatures—though he would have known that anyway, for they spoke to -him. He could hear them through the tight walls of the ship—less in -his ears than his mind—cajoling, entreating, <i>promising</i>. And he shut -his ears and his mind, because he was afraid.</p> - -<p>At the end of the voyage, he was offered a permanent berth on the -<i>Perseus</i>. "We don't usually take crewmen from the Far Planets," the -second officer said thoughtfully. "They don't have the training needed. -But you're a good deckhand."</p> - -<p>Len waited tensely, not knowing whether he did want the job or not.</p> - -<p>"The universe is opening up and sooner or later we're going to have to -start diversifying our crews, take untrained men, maybe even—" the -officer hesitated—"extraterrestrials. Sometimes training can restrict -a man to the point where he can't think for himself. Main trouble with -untrained men, though, is that often they've got too much imagination. -They think things that aren't true, see things that aren't there."</p> - -<p>"I understand, sir," Mattern said. "I'll keep my imagination stowed -away until it's wanted."</p> - -<p>From then on, he had seen no more at the ports than any of his -properly conditioned mates.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="ph4">IV</p> - -<p>Len Mattern stayed with the <i>Perseus</i> over three years. Gradually, from -things he observed himself, from things his shipmates told him, he -learned what little there was to be known about hyperspace. Everything -was different there from normspace; even the mechanical properties -of things changed. However, Jumping was safe enough, as long as the -spaceships didn't stop. As long as they were only passing through that -other universe, they were, in a sense, not actually there, so that the -elements of which they were composed would not change, although, to the -senses, they seemed to.</p> - -<p>Unless, of course, the ship collided with something. Then everything -became very real. That was what the pact was for—to make sure they -didn't collide. Every spaceship had, locked in the captain's cabin, -charts of that other universe—charts which gave, in normspace terms, -the coordinates of the hyperspace worlds. That way, when a ship made -the Jump, there would be no danger of her materializing inside one -of the alien planets and destroying both. Even touching one of the -hyper-worlds could have a disastrous effect. Only the captains were -ever permitted to see these charts; they would be far too dangerous in -irresponsible hands.</p> - -<p>Len might have grown old in the <i>Perseus'</i> service, if the Hesperia -System hadn't been one of her stops, and if he hadn't seen Lyddy there.</p> - -<p>Hesperia was a small, rose-pink sun surrounded by four planets and the -debris of what once was a fifth. Most solar systems in the Galaxy had -asteroid belts like that; some time later, Len found out why. Three of -Hesperia's four planets were barren rocks. The fourth, Erytheia, was -mostly water, calm water, sometimes blue, sometimes—when the sun was -high—violet-tinged. There was land, a small continent in the north, -where it was always spring, a slightly larger continent in the south, -where it was always summer, and that large island in the west which was -said to have a climate better than spring and summer combined.</p> - -<p>The atmosphere of Erytheia was what they call Earth type—that is, Man -could breathe on it. A very inadequate description, though, because men -could breathe the atmosphere of Ziegler's Planet, too, only sometimes -it almost seemed worthwhile to stop living in order to stop having to -breathe Ziegler's air. Erytheia's atmosphere was gentler and purer -than the air of Earth. The native fruits were edible and the local -life-forms were small and amiable. But there wasn't enough land for the -establishment of a self-supporting colony; it would have bred itself -into poverty within a few generations.</p> - -<p>What else could be done with a small paradise in a remote sector of -space but turn it into a high-class brothel and gambling casino? Only -the very rich could afford to travel so far to look at scenery, and by -the time they reached their destination, scenery wasn't enough. They -wanted some excitement.</p> - -<p>Naturally, the <i>Perseus</i> would stop at Hesperia. Naturally, Mattern -would see Lyddy, who was one of the seven wonders of that system. She -wasn't too many years out from Earth then, and he had never dreamed any -woman could be that beautiful.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>She was long-necked and slender, unlike the women of the Far Planets, -who were mostly squat-built and bred for labor. It seemed to him he had -seen her before—in a vision, a dream, who knew where? Certainly never -in reality. But he could understand why men would travel light-years -for her.</p> - -<p>The prices she charged were also astronomical. Still, if he put away -his money carefully, in a couple of years he ought to be able to save -up enough for a night with her. It was a goal, and he'd never had a -goal before, even such a small one; everything had been just aimless -drifting. He got a tridi of her and put it up inside the door of his -locker and was happy dreaming of her, even if it meant being kidded -about her by his shipmates.</p> - -<p>When he made the next Jump, he knew for certain that the creatures of -hyperspace not only spoke to him through his mind, but could enter -it and read it if they chose. He felt very naked and vulnerable. Why -couldn't the others on his ship also see the creatures, so that he -would not be the sole focus of their attentions?</p> - -<p>"Do what we ask," the hyperspacers—the xhindi, they called -themselves—said softly, "and you will have enough from just a single -voyage to have her for a week, a month, a year. Do what we ask and you -can have her for all eternity."</p> - -<p>"But all I want is just one night!" he protested.</p> - -<p>And they had laughed, and one with a honey-sweet mind had said, "Is -that <i>all</i> you want, <i>really</i> all?" Then they began naming the things a -man could want—and they certainly seemed to have a full knowledge of -humanity and its most secret desires.</p> - -<p>Afterward, Len had started to think. It <i>would</i> be nice to have Lyddy -all to himself—for a while, anyway. It would be nice to be able -to buy her pretty dresses and jewelry. There were other things that -would also be nice. Maybe he could have his teeth fixed and his leg -straightened. His stepfather had broken it the night his mother died -and it had never set properly. With money, he could do a lot of things. -He hadn't realized there was so much in the universe to be wanted.</p> - -<p>Now his wages began to look as picayune as once they had seemed -large. He could make more elsewhere, he told himself; he might not be -educated, but he had a good mind, plus rapidly dwindling principles. -He didn't need the hyperspacers, though. There were plenty of illegal -ways of making money within the framework of normspace activities. So -he left the secure monotony of the starship to seek an enterprise which -would bring in quick and copious profits.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>His first step was to go see a rather disreputable acquaintance of his, -Captain Ludolf Schiemann. Schiemann was an ancient spaceman from Earth, -who owned and commanded a ramshackle craft of prehistoric design, held -together with spit and spells.</p> - -<p>Schiemann operated out of Capella IV with cargoes of whatever he could -get. He was able to make a living with the <i>Valkyrie</i> only because -he would take on jobs that no sane skipper would touch. Some were -dangerous; most were illegal into the bargain. The risks were out of -all proportion to the profit, which was why the only helper he'd been -able to get was Balas—a big, powerful man, not old but mad. He'd been -a deckhand on one of the big starships and had broken too early to be -entitled to a pension.</p> - -<p>Mattern had met old Schiemann at a bar in Burdon, the capital of -Capella IV, and had had a few drinks with him whenever the <i>Perseus</i> -and the <i>Valkyrie</i> had happened to hit port at the same time. Schiemann -had a favorite joke he kept repeating over and over: "If you ever get -sick of the <i>Perseus</i>, Lennie—sick of good food and hot water and -decent quarters—you can always come to the <i>Valkyrie</i>. I'll take care -of you."</p> - -<p>Now Mattern went to him and said he'd like to take Schiemann up on that -offer.</p> - -<p>The old man's pale green eyes protruded even further from his head. -"You want to leave the <i>Perseus</i> for a berth on my ship! You're madder -than Balas!"</p> - -<p>"Not a berth, Pop," Mattern told him. "A share of her—a half share."</p> - -<p>Schiemann grinned. "Now you must think <i>I'm</i> crazy, to hand over half -my ship just like that. Maybe you'd like me to sign her over to you -entirely." And he puffed savagely upon his Venuswood pipe.</p> - -<p>"Look," Len said, "let's not kid ourselves. You're a crook, Pop, but -such a lousy crook that you make it look as if crime really doesn't -pay. And I'll tell you what's wrong with the way you operate. You -have no organization, no system, no imagination. I have 'em all. You -contribute the ship; I'll contribute my know-how. Together, we'll make -a fortune."</p> - -<p>"Modest, aren't you?" the old man jeered. "What kind of know-how do you -get working as a deckhand on a starboat? All right, maybe you're the -universe's best metal polisher, but—"</p> - -<p>"Look, Pop," Len interrupted, "I'll make a deal with you. We work -together for a year. If you don't pull in at least three times the -amount you got before, as just your share, my half of the ship reverts -to you. What could be fairer than that?"</p> - -<p>Schiemann still wasn't convinced that he was not being played for a -sucker. Being what he was, he could never expose himself to a court -battle, no matter how much justice might be on his side in a particular -instance. But he didn't think Len could be so rotten as to figure on -something like that. Besides, the old captain couldn't help liking -the boy. So he agreed, saying as he did so, "I should have my head -examined." But before the fourth voyage was out, he realized that he -had never done a wiser thing in his life. Under Len's direction, the -<i>Valkyrie</i> as a business enterprise was cleaning up.</p> - -<p>Only in relative terms, of course. It took six months, over a dozen -voyages, before Len managed to save enough for that night with Lyddy. -And every time he made the Jump in the <i>Valkyrie</i>, the hyperspacers -told him, "One night won't be enough," and the honey-minded one had -insisted, "You must want more than that. You <i>must</i>. Who could be -satisfied with so little?"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Finally, the night came. It was wonderful, it was ecstasy, it was -everything he had dreamed of—but it was too short. "Good-by, honey," -Lyddy said as he left, "come back and see me again."</p> - -<p>"When you have some more money," she meant. And it was all over.</p> - -<p>For her, not for him. He found he couldn't get her out of his mind. One -night was not enough. The xhindi had been right. Now he wanted her for -his own, for the rest of his life if not for all eternity.</p> - -<p>He had no romantic fancies that she would be willing to go off with him -for the sake of true love and himself alone. He had seen himself too -often in the mirror panel on the door of his tiny cabin, and he looked -there now, with a chill objectivity. Undersized, crippled, pallid with -the unhealthy color that comes from spending too little time in any -kind of sunlight, Len Mattern was twenty-four and looked forty. Not -even an ordinary woman of the planets could love him, let alone a love -goddess.</p> - -<p>But a love goddess who loved money could be bought. However, in -order to win her, he'd need to have really big money. No matter how -efficiently he organized the <i>Valkyrie's</i> operations, the ship was -just a battered old hulk and, in her sphere, could never be more than -small-time. There was only one answer—hyperspace.</p> - -<p>He found Schiemann puffing contentedly at his pipe in the <i>Valkyrie's</i> -control room. "Look, Pop," he said, "we've been wasting our time on -stardust. We have to aim for something big."</p> - -<p>Schiemann looked trustfully at the young man. He had no relatives, so -he had come to think of Len as his son, and, in fact, had made him his -heir. "Whatever you say, Lennie. Figure on breaking out of this sector -and moving in closer to Earth, do you?"</p> - -<p>"Not exactly. We're going into hyperspace."</p> - -<p>"Sure," Schiemann said, blowing a smoke ring. "Can't leave the sector -without passing through hyperspace; that stands to reason. But where -are we Jumping to?"</p> - -<p>Len tried to keep the tautening of his body from becoming apparent. -"We're not Jumping anywhere. We're <i>stopping</i> in hyperspace."</p> - -<p>The pipe dropped from the old man's mouth. He caught it in his hand and -gave a muffled exclamation as the heat burned his palm. Then he looked -at his partner. "Of course you're joking, Lennie." And he arranged his -face for laughter.</p> - -<p>Len shook his head. "No joke, Pop; I'm dead serious. We're going to -take a cargo into hyperspace. To the mem—the mem—oh, hell, I can't -pronounce it—the queen, I guess, of Ferr. That's one of their planets. -She wants Earth stuff, she says, and she promises to do right by us if -we bring it to her. Sounds like a good deal."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The silence thickened as the two men face each other. At last Schiemann -got up. "Look, Lennie, I don't make out I'm a saint. I've smuggled -and cheated and stolen. But this I will not do. For the laws of the -Federation, I don't give a damn—men made 'em and men can break -'em—but to go against the laws of nature, that is a different thing." -He turned on his heel and went out of the control room.</p> - -<p>Len went to his cabin and began to pack his gear. As he had expected, -Schiemann interrupted him when he was halfway through. "What do you -think you're doing?"</p> - -<p>"Leaving," Len said. "I'm sick of small-time operations."</p> - -<p>"Leaving me? Just like that? Does our friendship mean nothing at all to -you?"</p> - -<p>"Sure it does," Len told him. "When I get a chance, I'll write."</p> - -<p>The old man's face crumpled. "Look, Lennie, if we did move into one of -the more important sectors, maybe—"</p> - -<p>"You know we wouldn't have a chance there," Len said harshly, to -conceal his true emotions. "The sectors closer in to Earth have bigger, -faster ships, and bigger, tougher men to run 'em. And they wouldn't -like us trying to jet in!"</p> - -<p>"I'd rather take a chance on that than—"</p> - -<p>"We wouldn't <i>have</i> a chance; it'd just be a massacre, with us on the -receiving end. The only way we can break into the big time ourselves is -through hyperspace. We've got to do what's never been done before."</p> - -<p>That wasn't quite true, from what the xhindi had told him, but near -enough. It had been done before, but not very often, and not very -recently. However, it had been done, so it was possible to do. -Otherwise he wouldn't think of chancing it ... or would he?</p> - -<p>"Why do you want money so much, Lennie?" Schiemann asked. "What do -we need the big-time stuff for? It's nice and quiet and practically -secure the way you've got things running for us, almost like we were -honest businessmen. So why go looking for trouble?"</p> - -<p>"If I'd wanted a quiet life," Len said, "I'd have stuck with the -<i>Perseus</i>. So don't sing me security."</p> - -<p>The hand that held the pipe was trembling. "Look, Lennie, at least give -me time to think."</p> - -<p>"Okay," Len said. He was, in his way, fond of the old man, but there -were bigger things at stake. He had to have Lyddy; he had to have -money; he had to have ... something he couldn't put a name to, but -desperately important nonetheless. "I'll give you six months."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>At the end of half a year, Schiemann said no, he positively wouldn't -do it. Len said "Good-by." Schiemann said, "All right, but you'll be -sorry; we'll all be sorry," and gave in.</p> - -<p>So they took the <i>Valkyrie</i>, the two of them—and Balas, of course, but -naturally nobody would consult a madman—and headed for hyperspace. -Len knew exactly where to go, even though he had no charts. The -breakthrough he wanted was in their own sector and it had been -carefully marked for him in his mind.</p> - -<p>Schiemann left all the details to him, even the selection of cargo. -Len chose coal. He knew that what the xhindi wanted was normspace -materials, but not precisely what materials. Their normspace value -did not matter, because normspace matter changed to another form of -itself when it got to hyperspace, and that was where the possibility -of enormous profit came in. Something cheap in normspace could become -something quite rare and expensive in hyperspace, and vice versa. The -distribution of elements was different between the two universes; each -one essentially complemented the other.</p> - -<p>There was one hitch: a stable form in normspace could become an -unstable one in hyperspace. Without empiric knowledge, it was -impossible for anyone going from one universe into the other to tell -whether any substance he was carrying or wearing or <i>was</i> would remain -stable. If unstable, it could turn into liquid or gas; it could turn -into energy and blow up; it could cease to be a solid in any one of a -number of ways.</p> - -<p>As if that weren't bad enough, it could also happen that even a stuff -previously proven to be stable in both universes could become unstable, -if there was even the trace of a potentially unstable element, or -if something that, stable in itself, combined with it in unstable -fashion. Such an admixture could be accidental, which was what made -the whole business especially tricky, and what made the reason for the -inter-universe ban necessary.</p> - -<p>The reason why that first load of the <i>Valkyrie's</i> had been coal was -a simple one. Somewhere, Len had read that coal and diamonds were -different forms of the same normspace element, and he'd thought that -might carry over into the other continuum. However, even an education -wouldn't have helped him know what a right first cargo to take would -have been. The xhindi had told him what they did know, but their -terminology was not clear. They spoke his language with outward -correctness but with imperfect conceptualization; he spoke theirs not -at all. Much of what they did know, they appeared to have forgotten, or -only half-learned.</p> - -<p>They managed to make him understand that certain stuffs would be -definitely unsafe; they could not make it clear which stuffs would -be safe, or which they would find most desirable as trade goods. He -gathered that they would be satisfied with anything that came through. -So he chose coal, hoping to make a splendid initial impression.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The <i>Valkyrie</i> reached hyperspace. It slowed down. The throbbing of -its creaky engines ebbed to a hum. And it stopped and hung there in -the quiet darkness of utterly alien time and place. Schiemann and -Balas, expectedly, changed their appearance, but he had seen them in -their monster guises before. The coal changed to something pale and -glittering, but not diamonds. Everything remained quiet. The ship's -instruments recorded no temperature change, but it seemed to grow -colder and colder inside her.</p> - -<p>Suddenly, Mattern knew the truth. A trap had been laid for him, and he -had tumbled neatly into it. And the most shameful part was that his own -desires and yearnings—deliberately fostered by the xhindi—had been -the bait.</p> - -<p>He wanted to turn to the horrible thing that Schiemann had become to -scream, "Let's go back!" But he couldn't. Something held tight grip of -his mind. And, looking out the portholes, he saw that the xhindi had -begun to swarm.</p> - -<p>The flickering terror of their appearance became more awesome to him -than it had been at the beginning, when he'd been only a transitory -shadow in hyperspace. Now, although he had no doubt that they were -friendly—indeed, almost ardent in their welcoming—horror chilled him -all over again. He could almost feel the molecules inside his body slow -down as his viscera quivered faintly and then froze into stillness.</p> - -<p>He looked at Schiemann and Balas. Neither of them could, he knew, see -the hyperspacers. Their conditioning back on Earth's space schools -had ensured this. That was the real reason for the schools; any actual -training was incidental. But Schiemann knew the creatures were there, -and so he could sense them. And Balas, too, certainly seemed to sense -something as he stood there, tense and wary and almost <i>understanding</i>. -It must be even worse, Len thought, to <i>know</i> the hyperspacers were out -there and not be able to see them.</p> - -<p>"We—we can still go back," Schiemann said in a cracked voice; -apparently the minds outside had not touched his. "Please, Lennie...."</p> - -<p>"No, it's too late!" Mattern cried. Once he went back, he would never -dare return, and all hope of—Lyddy would fade into fog. The thought of -not being able to have her was unbearable. "We can't go back now!"</p> - -<p>The hideous mask that was Schiemann's hyperspace visage contorted, and -drops of liquid flowed where his withered cheeks would have been in -normspace. "Please, Lennie...."</p> - -<p>"I can't," Len said. "Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. It's too late, -now that we've stopped."</p> - -<p>He forced out the words, against objections that seemed to come from -outside him—not objections to Schiemann's knowing the truth, but to -his own admission of it.</p> - -<p>"They're in control," he said.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="ph4">V</p> - -<p>"We bid you welcome to our universe, Mattern," the xhindi said in his -mind. "Come, follow us. We will lead you to the port on Ferr that we -have made ready for you."</p> - -<p>"Will the ship be safe there?" Mattern asked, remembering the further -danger of touching alien substance.</p> - -<p>"As safe as she could be anywhere in this space." And then the -mellifluous one added, "Remember, whatever risks there are, now we -share them with you."</p> - -<p>A point of livid light that danced so Mattern knew it must be alive -led them to the gleaming purple-dark ovoid that was Ferr, then to the -place that had been set aside for the <i>Valkyrie</i>. The xhindi had been -right about the port so far as the ship herself was concerned. Probably -they'd had a fair idea of what materials she and her contents were -composed of from the ships that had passed fleetingly through their -space, never pausing to become real. What they could not allow for were -the random factors.</p> - -<p>The ship set down on the "safe" port at Ferr. It made contact with the -glossy alien ground. And, as it did so, Captain Schiemann very quietly -disintegrated. No explosion, no sound. He simply crumbled into a white -powder which slowly drifted away, and then was gone.</p> - -<p>"Coal into diamonds," Mattern found himself saying as he stared at -Schiemann's pipe rolling on the empty corridor floor, "dust unto dust." -When the pipe quivered to a stop, he began to laugh hysterically.</p> - -<p>"So you think it's funny, do you?" a gentle voice said behind him.</p> - -<p>Mattern turned. Balas stood there.</p> - -<p>"I'm afraid that I don't agree," Balas went on with that frightening -softness. "He was good to me, and to you too, Lennie. He was damned -good to the both of us. And this is the way you repay him. It wasn't a -nice thing to do, Lennie."</p> - -<p>Mattern opened his mouth to deny intent, but all that came out was the -bubbling laughter.</p> - -<p>"I know you didn't mean for him to disappear like that," Balas said, -almost kindly. "It's just that I guess you don't care what happens to -anybody but yourself. No, you don't care for yourself even, just the -things you want. You're awful greedy, Lennie—awful greedy."</p> - -<p>His voice was very reasonable. "If I don't do something to stop you, -you'll do the same thing to our whole universe that you did to the -captain. It would be wrong for me to let that happen. So, you see, I -<i>have</i> to kill you. I'm sorry, Lennie, because I like you, but I know -you'll understand."</p> - -<p>And he lunged for Mattern, reaching out the four monstrous arms that -were his in hyperspace, the eye in his forehead brilliant with that -hideous sanity.</p> - -<p>Mattern backed away, still laughing. <i>If Balas has gone sane</i>, he -thought, <i>then perhaps I have gone mad. Only I am still conscious of -everything that's going on: the danger I am in, the way I am behaving. -In fact, I have control over all of myself except my laughter. I know -where we are—Balas and I are locked inside the ship alone together, -and only one of us is coming out alive.</i></p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Undoubtedly the xhindi could have passed through the hull or opened the -airlocks in some way, if they had wanted to. But they made no move to -try, merely remained outside, watching. The two humans, in that space -and time, were alone in a small private war of their own. Mattern could -not tell whether the xhindi outside were enjoying themselves, as a -group of humans would have under like circumstances, but he seemed to -sense anxiety for the outcome—not only of that battle but of another, -inner one. <i>Why, I'm beginning to read their thoughts, too</i>, he -realized, in the middle of his fear and hysteria. <i>I am growing closer -to them by the minute.</i></p> - -<p>And Balas was getting closer to him. Mattern had a blaster, of course, -but he was afraid to use it. A bolt of alien energy might produce a -reaction that could rip both universes. Yet, bare-handed, he was no -match for the bigger, stronger man. Fortunately, he had never pretended -to be a hero, not even to himself in the saneness of normspace, so -he was able to turn and run. Balas pursued him through the desolate -corridors of the <i>Valkyrie</i>, Mattern's laughter echoing crazily in the -emptiness.</p> - -<p>His only hope was to find a hand weapon—or something that could be -used as a hand weapon. And, as he rounded a bend, Mattern saw the -primitive fire axe hanging against a bulkhead, the traditional relic -that all spaceships, large and small, carried and kept burnished and -ready for a use that would never come. But there was another use it -could be put to.</p> - -<p>Instinct made Mattern seize the axe from its hooks on the wall. -Instinct surged up from the handle to fill him with the power and joy -and knowledge to use it. He turned to face Balas' onrush, and his -laughter no longer sounded insane in his ears; it had the triumphant -energy of a primeval war cry.</p> - -<p>The madman's charge was lightning fast, but Mattern was the younger -man by at least a decade. He told himself that he meant only to stun -Balas, but he was conscious all the time that, if Balas were merely -stunned, the problem would be merely postponed. He lifted the axe and -brought it down. And then Mattern was alone, the only human being in an -alien space and an alien time, locked in this ship with the drifting -white dust that had been his friend, and the bleeding corpse that had -been—no, not his enemy, but his friend also, and who had, only minutes -after death, already begun to haunt him. It was then that Mattern -remembered the other man he had killed in the same way.</p> - -<p>Karl Brodek had never haunted him, but that was because Len knew the -killing was justified—it was retribution, not murder. For Len had -seen Brodek kill his mother, not all at once, but little by little. It -was her face that stayed with him always, her blue eyes and her sweet -voice. She'd been the only one he ever had, really—the brother had -been nothing but a wailing blob of protoplasm—and then Schiemann, a -little. Now he was more alone than he'd been in all of his solitary -life.</p> - -<p>He knew that the eerie creatures outside meant him no harm, but would -have liked to comfort him if they could. That made it worse rather than -better. If only there were some tangible enemy to attack, to beat his -fists against ... but the only enemy he could find was the monstrous -form reflected in the mirror of his own cabin.</p> - -<p>He was no longer laughing, he noticed; the fit was over. And so, he -sensed, was the anxiety outside. In some way, he had passed a test.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>It was then that the xhindi began to speak to him through the hull of -the ship, urging him to come out. "You have come so far," they said, -"and time is a precious and a dangerous commodity. We cannot afford to -waste it, either of us."</p> - -<p>He did not—could not—respond.</p> - -<p>They could have forced him out, but they were kind—or perhaps only -wise. They simply coaxed and waited. After a while, moving stiffly, -as if he had cogs instead of a heart, he opened the airlock and went -outside. He set foot on the dark polished surface of Ferr. But there -was no thrill of strangeness or of triumph or anticipation. There -was ... nothing. His physical senses were all operating. He knew -there was neither gravity nor lack of it. He knew there was no -atmosphere—and he accepted that, not because he accepted the xhindi's -word that he would not need to breathe in this continuum, but because -he didn't care whether or not he breathed; he didn't care about -anything.</p> - -<p>"Come," the xhindi said, in audible words now, and their spoken voices -were as sweet as their mind voices.</p> - -<p>He found himself moving as through a nightmare, as he proceeded -according to their directions, and the xhindi themselves, with their -monstrous grace and musical voices, were a logical part of the black -ballet in which he found himself participating.</p> - -<p>The dignitaries of Ferr, a fantasy procession in the moonlit colors of -hell—smoke and flame and shadow—came to greet him and to lead him -to the mbretersha. She glittered splendidly upon her throne of alien -substance—a monster, of course, in human terms, and yet also a great -lady, as a queen should be in any terms. Through the fog of his own -immediate perception, she reached out and touched him with her dignity -and compassion.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus2.jpg" width="378" height="500" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>"I am very sorry," she said, "that such a thing should have happened. I -know you are full of grief for your comrades, and I wish that I could -have postponed our interview. However, I must press you, for the longer -you stay on this world, the greater the risk is for my people."</p> - -<p>Somewhere before, it seemed to him, he had heard her voice—sensed her -mind pattern, anyway. If he had not known that she was the mbretersha, -he would have fancied that hers had been one of the minds that had -spoken to him, the most persuasive of the cajoling creatures that had -sung him their siren songs as he flashed transitorily through their -universe. But, he thought dully, that was impossible. She was the -mbretersha, the queen.</p> - -<p>She read his thoughts, and the pattern of her appearance altered -subtly. It was a warm and kind expression of herself; it was a smile. -"You must learn, Mattern, that the concept of a ruler in this universe -differs from the concept in yours. Here a ruler is the servant of her -people, not their master. It is her obligation to take care of them, -protect them, watch over them—in whatever way seems most fitting to -her. She can have no pride in herself, only in them. They are more than -her children."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>It was funny, Mattern thought, that she should so easily plan to break -the rules of her universe. A space rat like him—that was one thing; it -was to be expected. But a queen? Now that he was coming back to life a -little, he began to wonder about this again.</p> - -<p>Deftly, she picked the wonder out of his mind and answered it. "Our -Federation, like yours, is an artificial creation. Its laws are no more -than arbitrary regulations, devised by the various peoples of each -universe with regard to the greatest good of the majority, and thrust -upon majority and minority alike."</p> - -<p>Mattern began to understand, or thought he did. "A queen isn't likely -to hold with democracy," he said—though perhaps not aloud.</p> - -<p>She was a little impatient. "It's not a question of absolute power or -divine right—simply that my people come first, even before myself; my -own world is part of me, and I am part of it by nature and instinct. -Its needs are my needs. When my people are hungry, I feel the pangs."</p> - -<p><i>Most rulers justify themselves like that</i>, he thought, keeping his -lips pressed firmly together. <i>But they all do the same things.</i></p> - -<p>But he couldn't keep her out of his mind. "No," she said, "you're -wrong. I was not speaking metaphorically. My nervous system is attuned -to my people's; it is a hereditary trait bred into my family. So being -the ruler is not a pleasant station to occupy."</p> - -<p>It certainly wouldn't be, he thought, if she was telling the truth—to -suffer every pang that was suffered on the planet, and, if the attuning -were psychic also, every sorrow. He expected her to pick the disbelief -out of his mind, but she smiled and went on to tell him about her -planet.</p> - -<p>Ferr was not a large world. Moreover, it was essentially a barren one. -It had been rich only because it had previously engaged in sub-rosa -commerce with Mattern's universe. "And the last traffic was long, long -ago," she told Mattern. "In a day much before mine, when my mother -ruled."</p> - -<p>"What happened? What stopped the traffic?"</p> - -<p>"Our captain died of old age, and we have had trouble finding a -successor to him."</p> - -<p>"Why is it so hard to get somebody else?" Mattern asked bluntly.</p> - -<p>She paused. When she spoke again, it was so obliquely that he did not -realize immediately that it was an answer. "Time was when we had more -contact with your people. There were many who knew of the xhindi, -although few had actually encountered us. It was not difficult for us -to get humans to work with us then. But the barbarians took over your -world and your people lost the knowledge of how to get through to us. -And when they regained it, we were not why they wished to get through. -Much of the problem is in making people believe that we exist."</p> - -<p>He nodded. "The flluska call you demons."</p> - -<p>"There are still some on Earth who call us demons, Mattern. Your rulers -and administrators do not call us demons—no, they are too learned -for that—but your Space Service, by means of divers spells and -conditionings, prevents most of those who pass through hyperspace from -seeing and hearing us. And, of those who do, most are too frightened -for negotiation."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>She asked with sorrowful archness, "Are we so terrible in your eyes, -Mattern?"</p> - -<p>"I don't know," he said slowly, bewilderedly. "Sometimes you are, -and I know you will be again. But right now, to me you look—almost -beautiful."</p> - -<p>There was silence, and, for a moment, he thought that he had offended -her.</p> - -<p>Then, "Thank you," she said softly. "It is a great compliment."</p> - -<p>He was anxious to know why they had chosen him as their human -representative. "Weren't there any men who did try to get through?" he -asked.</p> - -<p>"A few—a very few—reached this space." She added reluctantly, "Some -of them proved to lack stability of substance—"</p> - -<p>He was angry, at her, and at himself, for not realizing that he had -not been chosen. It had merely been a question of survival. "Then you -<i>knew</i> what could happen to Schiemann!"</p> - -<p>"It could have happened to anyone, Mattern. You knew there were risks -to be taken. We did not conceal that from you."</p> - -<p>And that was true. It had not occurred to him that the risks would not -be equally shared by all three members of the ship's company.</p> - -<p>The mbretersha continued: "And others of those who come through go mad. -We feared that might happen to you, Mattern."</p> - -<p>"Others go sane also," he said.</p> - -<p>"This is the first time that has happened in my experience. But truly, -Mattern, a madman would not seek to reach us."</p> - -<p>"I wonder," Mattern said. "I wonder if anybody but a madman would."</p> - -<p>This time he had displeased her. There was chill silence, and then: -"Time is short. It is best that we return to discussing our business -together. Now we will pay you for the merchandise you have brought us -with a substance which is stable on Earth—at least it was in times -gone by—and which used to become a stuff of considerable value. On -your next trip—"</p> - -<p>"What makes you think there's going to be a next trip? What makes you -think I'm going to come back here again?" He would really have to be a -madman to go through that all over again.</p> - -<p>The mbretersha smiled. "You will come, Mattern," she said. "You will -come when you see how rewarding it is to deal with us. And you will -come because—"</p> - -<p>"Because of what?" he demanded, more sharply than one should address a -queen.</p> - -<p>"Because your kqyres will make sure that you do." The tall, splendidly -illuminated being who stood close to her throne bowed as she introduced -him: "This is Lord Njeri, who served as kqyres with the previous -captain. He will serve with you."</p> - -<p>"Kqyres? What's that?" Apprehension quickened inside Mattern. "And what -right have you to—"</p> - -<p>"Your partner is dead," the mbretersha told him. "Lord Njeri is your -new partner."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Mattern stood staring at her. No point protesting further, he knew; he -was on her world, in her power. For the time being, he would have to -obey her.</p> - -<p>"Come, Captain Mattern," said the kqyres. "It is fitting that we -superintend the loading of the ship."</p> - -<p>So they went back to the port and Mattern watched the xhindi fill -the <i>Valkyrie's</i> hold with some queer, spongy-looking substance that -couldn't possibly be of value anywhere. And beside him stood the -kqyres, as he was to be beside him for the next fifteen years.</p> - -<p>"If you are disturbed about my effect upon your people when they catch -sight of me," the kqyres assured the young man, "you may ease your -mind. I shall make myself so that I am barely visible in your universe. -Only those who look for me can see me. You need have no fear," he -added with a sigh. "I have been through all this before."</p> - -<p>"Yeah, that's what she told me," said Mattern grimly.</p> - -<p>"It is disloyal of me, I know," the xhind murmured, "but I had hoped -the mbretersha would not find a human representative before I died. -I am aware of my obligation to my world—but it is not a pleasant -prospect to spend one's last years in exile, however honorable."</p> - -<p>"Don't worry, as soon as we get to normspace, I'll send you back. I'm -not going on with this."</p> - -<p>The kqyres seemed to shrug sadly. "You cannot send me back, for I -am permanently attached to you. Wherever you go, I go—until the -mbretersha chooses to free us, one from the other."</p> - -<p>Mattern couldn't believe that. Once he got out of this alien universe, -none of its laws could apply to him.</p> - -<p>"Secondly," the kqyres informed him, "you will <i>want</i> to come back -here. When you look at the cargo and see what it is, you will want to -come back." He sighed again. "I know your species so well. And I do not -fancy they have changed."</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="ph4">VI</p> - -<p>When the <i>Valkyrie</i> reached normspace, her cargo proved to be the -traditional reward—gold. Not the most precious metal in the universe -any more, certainly, but still valuable. What there was in her hold -would come to perhaps as much money as Mattern might, if his luck had -held, have amassed in several decades of operating with Schiemann in -normspace.</p> - -<p>"Well," said the kqyres as Mattern stood goggling at the glowing -bullion, "is the payment just?"</p> - -<p>"Yeah," Mattern grunted, "fair enough." His mind was working busily: -<i>Captain Schiemann is dead, and so is Balas, so I can't do anything -about that. A man's got to have some kind of business. Why shouldn't I -go on trading with the xhindi, since I seem to be one of the few people -lucky enough to be able to do it? Besides, from what the mbretersha -said, I couldn't get out of it even if I wanted to. So why fight? -Ethics aside, it's a good deal. I'd make more money that way than any -other way. I could see a lot of Lyddy.</i></p> - -<p>He caught a flicker in the shifting planes of a grayness that the -kqyres had become, according to promise.</p> - -<p>"I'm thinking the way you want me to think—right, Lord Njeri?" Mattern -asked self-mockingly.</p> - -<p>"You are thinking the way any reasonable being would think."</p> - -<p>Left to his own devices, Mattern would have disposed of the gold as -quickly as he could, and then gone back to Erytheia to spend it all on -a year or so with Lyddy. She came that expensive.</p> - -<p>"And then what would you do?" the kqyres queried.</p> - -<p>"Well, then I'd go out to hyperspace and make more, I guess. I know -it's a little tough on you," Mattern added apologetically, "but you -know how it is; I'm crazy about that woman."</p> - -<p>The kqyres evidently did not know, but he made an effort to understand. -"And, meanwhile, she will go back to—doing what she has been doing, -with other men?"</p> - -<p>Mattern frowned. "Yeah, I guess so."</p> - -<p>"This procedure is acceptable in terms of your culture?"</p> - -<p>"Well," Mattern said, "for women like Lyddy, sure. I mean—oh, -hell—it's hard to explain."</p> - -<p>"But it doesn't disturb you?"</p> - -<p>"All right," Mattern said sullenly, "so it disturbs me. So what can I -do about it?"</p> - -<p>"Would it not be wiser," the kqyres suggested, "for you to wait until -you can get enough money so you can have her for yourself alone? After -all, how long would it take for you to get together a sufficient sum at -that rate?" And the kqyres indicated the gold.</p> - -<p>"You got a point there." Mattern could see that the xhind was right. It -would be a lot more sensible to make a few more trips and get himself -a sizable bankroll before going after Lyddy, so he'd never have to -share her again. Otherwise it would be back and forth, back and forth, -until it sent him off his mental course.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>So, as soon as he disposed of the gold, he went back with another -cargo, and then another. Waiting for Lyddy wasn't as bad as he thought -it would be, because he could talk to the kqyres about her. He'd -never had somebody he could really talk to; even Captain Schiemann -hadn't really been a companion. The kqyres always seemed interested in -what Mattern had to say. He never talked much about himself, but he -listened patiently to Mattern's description of Lyddy's talents, and -charms, including some which, as a non-human, he could understand only -intellectually, if at all.</p> - -<p>And he didn't only listen, with it going in one ear and out the -other—or whatever the xhindi had instead of ears. He made helpful -suggestions, such as maybe Mattern ought to fix himself up a little -before going back for Lyddy.</p> - -<p>"I know she is to be—bought," he said, as if he still didn't quite -understand what that meant, "but would you not derive greater pleasure -from your purchase if you knew you were a man whom a woman could like -for his own self?"</p> - -<p>Len was silent. He knew the kqyres couldn't understand human concepts -of beauty; he had taken Len's own word that the young man wasn't much -of a specimen, that his body and his teeth were crooked and his skin -bad, his vision defective and his hair drab. Lyddy deserved something -better than that; Len knew it himself. Even if she would go with him -for the sake of the money, it wasn't the same thing.</p> - -<p>"I could get my teeth fixed up in this sector," he said at last, "but -I'd need to go to the Near Planets, maybe even Earth, to have my leg -fixed. It'd take a long time and passage costs a hell of a lot. People -don't go that far just for a junket, you know. For most of 'em, it's a -once-in-a-lifetime deal."</p> - -<p>"Of course," Njeri said. "Your wealth is dearly won; you wouldn't want -to squander it. However, wouldn't a considerable economy be effected if -you went in your own ship?"</p> - -<p>"The <i>Valkyrie</i>!" Len was shocked into laughter. "She'd never make it -to Earth! She'd crumple up like an old paper bag!"</p> - -<p>"She will not last much longer, in any case," said Njeri.</p> - -<p>Len had been thinking that himself for some time—wondering how soon he -would have no ship left at all, and what he would do then.</p> - -<p>"It would be wise," the kqyres suggested, "for you first to get enough -money to pay for a new ship. Only a few more trips should be necessary. -Then go to whatever planet you deem most suitable for the necessary -improvements, and finally return to Lyddy—a man worthy not only of her -but of any woman."</p> - -<p>"It'll take so long," Mattern said, tempted, and yet driven wild by the -idea of Lyddy, so close to attainment.</p> - -<p>"At your age, what are a few more trips?"</p> - -<p>Len gave in.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Actually, it took five trips into hyperspace merely to pay for the new -vessel, a much larger and more elaborate model than Len had planned -on buying. "In the long run," his partner told him, "the best is most -economical. A sound, spaceworthy vessel such as this one will last out -your lifetime. And you can call her the <i>Hesperian Queen</i>, after Lyddy."</p> - -<p>"Why?" Len asked. "Is that what Lyddy is short for?"</p> - -<p>"It is the same as naming it after her," the kqyres said shortly. "Only -it's a little more subtle."</p> - -<p>"Oh." Somehow the kqyres made Len feel stupid, <i>uncouth</i> almost, -even though he was the human being and the other nothing but -hyperextraterrestrial.</p> - -<p>The treatments were even costlier than anticipated, and it took many -more trips to pay for them. Expenses were increased by the fact that he -had to commute back and forth from his sector of space to the planet -where he was being treated, since he couldn't afford to neglect his -business now that his costs were mounting.</p> - -<p>He had his leg straightened on Earth. That world was as colorful, -as complex, as intoxicating as it was claimed to be. One series of -marvels after another presented themselves before his inexperienced -eyes like scenes in a vision show—except that he was actually there, -breathing, tasting, feeling a part of this vast sophistication. Earth -had many beautiful women, and he enjoyed the favors of those in Lyddy's -profession, but only to prove to himself that she was much more -wonderful.</p> - -<p>He decided there was no point bothering with the other planets; he -might as well have his teeth and everything else taken care of on -Earth, too. "Very wise of you," the kqyres approved. "The best is -always the soundest, and, hence, most worth waiting for. Like Lyddy."</p> - -<p>"Yes," Mattern agreed, "she is the best. And the most beautiful."</p> - -<p>"Of course," the kqyres said. "Tell me more about her."</p> - -<p>And Mattern talked, far into the night. What he couldn't remember of -her by now, he imagined, so that the picture should be complete, not -only for the xhind but for himself.</p> - -<p>When his leg and his teeth had been fixed, "Why stop at that?" the -kqyres asked. "If it had not been for the way that stepfather of -yours treated you as a child—" for Len had found himself telling his -companion not only about Lyddy but about everything—"you would be -a fine-looking man today. It would be no difficult task to have you -restored to what you should rightfully be."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Mattern would not, of course, do such a thing out of vanity. But the -more presentable he made himself, the more he would be offering Lyddy. -So it would be worth the extra time, especially since he could spend -so much of it on Earth. Lyddy had come from Earth; it would be a bond -between them later.</p> - -<p>Doctors and cosmetologists got to work on him. Each treatment seemed -to be lengthier than the preceding one, and more expensive. He could, -however, easily afford it—all he had to do was make more trips. The -kqyres not only told him what cargoes to take but advised him on the -investments to make with his profits.</p> - -<p>They did very well together. As far as Mattern was concerned, they -did fabulously well, because he had to make enough on his side to -counterbalance the entire expenses of a planet on the other. The -thought impressed him. <i>I am, in a sense, equal to the mbretersha</i>, he -thought, <i>and she is a monarch.</i> As a result, he walked a little more -erect than even the operations had rendered him.</p> - -<p>The dangers of his trade grew less and less frightening as he came to -know his way between the universes, even though, at the same time, he -began to realize how great those dangers were. He had not conceived -of their immensity before. The reason there were asteroid belts in so -many of the solar systems, he learned now, was that the xhindi had -traded with other intelligent races in earlier eras, and there had been -accidents. Those races were now extinct.</p> - -<p>The xhindi themselves ceased to be monstrous in his eyes. He grew to -accept their appearance as perfectly natural in their universe. Toward -the kqyres, he came to feel something of what he had felt toward -Schiemann, except that where Schiemann had looked up to him and relied -on him, he found himself increasingly dependent on Njeri. He told him -all his hopes and ambitions, and the kqyres listened attentively. -Mattern tried to explain to him how he himself felt about Lyddy, and -the kqyres tried to understand.</p> - -<p>The kqyres taught Mattern how to play chess. "But that's our game!" -Mattern said. "I mean we play it in our universe!"</p> - -<p>"In ours also," the xhind smiled. "Who knows whether it came from our -universe to yours, or yours to ours? Nor does it matter. It is an old -game and a good one."</p> - -<p>Mattern became increasingly skillful at it. He was pleased that there -was an intellectual activity in which he could engage as an equal with -the kqyres, and the kqyres seemed pleased, too.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>When the treatments were over, Mattern looked in a mirror. He was -straight; he was handsome. His skin was clear, his eyes bright. He -looked less than his age. Now he could go back to Lyddy, assured that -most women would find his physical appearance more than acceptable.</p> - -<p>But he found himself hesitating. Only his physical appearance would be -truly acceptable. There was something still lacking in him. His body -was right, but the way he stood, the way he moved, the way he spoke, -all these were wrong.</p> - -<p>"I'm not finished yet," he said stumblingly to the kqyres, "not quite -straightened out. I ought to be more—well, more smooth."</p> - -<p>"You do lack polish," the kqyres admitted, "although you are far less -awkward, shall we say, than when we first met."</p> - -<p>"That's because of you, Njeri!" Mattern declared, with genuine -gratitude. "You've taught me a lot!" And he looked at his outlandish -friend with a great affection.</p> - -<p>The kqyres seemed quite moved; he flickered like a pin-wheel. "You have -been an exceedingly apt pupil, Mattern. When first I saw you, I did not -think it possible that I should ever consider you a companion. However, -I have found myself taking an increasing pleasure in your company. -Sometimes I even forget you are a human."</p> - -<p>Mattern could not speak; he was so overwhelmed by the tribute.</p> - -<p>"The passage of time disclosed to me that there were sensitivities -and perceptions beneath that—forgive me, but we know how misleading -first impressions can be—boorish exterior. The very fact that you are -conscious of your own deficiencies <i>proves</i> that you are more than the -mere clod you still, on occasion, seem to be—"</p> - -<p>"Can't I improve myself that way, too?" Mattern asked plaintively. -"Can't I make myself worthy of Lyddy in every way?"</p> - -<p>"Of course you can," the kqyres beamed. "Were you to apply yourself -specifically to the acquisition of culture, I am sure you could become -as polished as any human being can hope to be. But it will take time."</p> - -<p>"Well," Mattern said, "Lyddy's waited so long, she can wait a little -longer. Things worth having are worth waiting for."</p> - -<p>Under Njeri's tutelage, Mattern cultivated the arts and the amenities. -As he used his ship for a permanent residence, it was there that he -housed his growing collection of costly rare objects of art, and his -library, notable for its first editions—not only of tapes, but of -books. His uniforms were cut by the best terrestrial tailors and he -took kinescope courses in the liberal arts and social forms from the -outstanding universities of Earth. The provincial twang vanished from -his speech; he developed a taste for wine and conversation. Nobody, -seeing him, could ever have fancied him once a poor wizened space rat.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>As the years went by, he grew to become as much of a ruler in his way -as the mbretersha in hers. She ruled one planet, he told himself, but -he had a business empire farflung over many planets—all of which, to -some extent, he did rule through his investments. He would have worlds -to lay at Lyddy's feet now, he thought complacently. No man could offer -any woman more.</p> - -<p>The first <i>Hesperian Queen</i> didn't have a chance to last out his -lifetime; he kept trading her in for another and yet another model, as -better, faster, more luxurious starships were developed. Finally, he -outbid the Federation Government itself for plans of the latest-model -spacecraft. When the government protested, he graciously gave them -copies free of all charge. "I merely wanted to be sure that I had the -best ship available," he explained. "I have no objection to your having -it also. But I knew that you could not afford to be as generous as I -can."</p> - -<p>He never had more than one ship, because it was too dangerous to -run more than one cargo at a time. His crew was always as small in -number as possible. He would have preferred none at all; actually, -all spaceships could run themselves, for the controls were completely -automatic. But regulations said there had to be a crew, both for the -sake of "face"—many extraterrestrials couldn't seem to recognize -the authority of machines—and because a power failure was not -inconceivable.</p> - -<p>So the <i>Hesperian Queen</i> carried four men. And, whenever she made -the Jump through hyperspace, even the crew—though conditioned on -Earth—was drugged. Mattern carried on alone. And if, when the crewmen -awakened, they found that a day had passed when only an hour should -have gone by, they knew better than to ask questions.</p> - -<p>So the years went by—busy, pleasant, profitable years. The image -of Lyddy was always before him, inspiring him to further efforts. -<i>Someday soon I will go back to her</i>, he would tell himself. On his -latest birthday, he looked in the mirror closely. At twenty-four, he -had appeared forty; at forty, he could have passed for thirty. Sixteen -years had gone by since that night with Lyddy. Now he was worthy of her -or anyone.</p> - -<p>"I think it's time I went back for her," he told the kqyres.</p> - -<p>"For whom?" the kqyres asked; then added hastily, "Oh, yes, of course, -Lyddy. We'll do that right after we come back from the Vega System. -There's a little Earth-type planet out there—"</p> - -<p>"<i>Before</i> we go to Vega," Mattern interrupted. "Now."</p> - -<p>"But why the hurry? You've waited so long already—"</p> - -<p>"I've waited too long. I'm not young any more."</p> - -<p>"Neither is she," observed the kqyres. "Perhaps she is too old now, -Mattern."</p> - -<p>"She can't be too old," Mattern said. The tridi in his locker was -Lyddy, and the picture was young; therefore, Lyddy must still be young.</p> - -<p>"She may have married someone else. She may have numerous children -clustering about her knee."</p> - -<p>"Then I will take her away from her husband and children," Mattern -declared. "Can you imagine that a little thing like that would stop -me?"</p> - -<p>"She may have lost her beauty," the kqyres said. "She may have left -Hesperia. She may have suffered a disfiguring accident."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Mattern realized then that Njeri was deliberately trying to keep him -from going back to Lyddy. Either he felt that she would interfere with -the smooth operation of their business, or he was jealous of a third -intruding into their company.</p> - -<p>"I have done everything I did for the sake of winning Lyddy," Mattern -said, biting off the words. "If all hope of her is gone, then my -whole reason for working with you is gone. I will never go back to -hyperspace."</p> - -<p>"There are other women—"</p> - -<p>"Not for me!"</p> - -<p>"The business itself means nothing to you?" There was an aggrieved note -in the kqyres' voice.</p> - -<p>"It's just a living," Mattern said, "just a way of getting Lyddy. You -know that was why I went into it. I thought you'd been listening to me -all these years."</p> - -<p>"I thought perhaps with the deepening of your interests—"</p> - -<p>"They have only made me love her the more profoundly."</p> - -<p>The kqyres took the equivalent of a deep breath. "You do not have a -house or any regular place of residence. You cannot expect a lady to -live permanently on a spaceship."</p> - -<p>"I will build her a house."</p> - -<p>"Will it not show her how carefully you have prepared for her if, -first, you build her a palace worthy—"</p> - -<p>"I have no time to build palaces."</p> - -<p>"There is a tiny planet that circles the dim sun you call Van Maanen's -star," the alien persisted. "It is always twilight there. The beings -who live on that planet build crystal towers miles high and as fragile -as spun glass, in dusk colors the rainbow never dreamed of."</p> - -<p>"If she wants a crystal tower, I will have one built for her. But first -I will ask her."</p> - -<p>"Very well," the kqyres sighed, "since nothing else will satisfy you, -let us return and fetch her."</p> - -<p>And when they got to Erytheia City, Lyddy was still there, not only -unmarried, but—in spite of all the years—unchanged.</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="ph4">VII</p> - -<p>And now Mattern had been her husband for several months. He had begun -to know her, and he realized that she could never be let known the -truth about his life and his work. She would be frightened, and, if -there was any emotion left over in her, angry.</p> - -<p>He told the kqyres: "I've been thinking of taking Lyddy to Burdon. She -might find distractions there that will take her mind off—things it -shouldn't be on. What do you think of the idea?"</p> - -<p>"I cannot tell," the kqyres replied doubtfully. "I have a curious -feeling...."</p> - -<p>"That <i>what</i>?" Mattern prompted him anxiously. It was the first time he -had seen the kqyres definitely at a loss, although it had seemed to him -of recent months that the xhind's assurance was beginning to ebb.</p> - -<p>"... that I am getting too old for my work," the kqyres finished.</p> - -<p>"Nonsense!" Mattern cried. The kqyres was his tower of strength; he -<i>would</i> not conceive of any weakness in him. It would mean that he -would be forced to rely upon himself. <i>And yet</i>, he thought, <i>I am -certainly old and experienced enough by now to begin relying upon -myself. In fact, I'm getting a little old and tired, too.</i></p> - -<p>"You know," he said to his partner, "maybe we both ought to retire."</p> - -<p>"What do you mean?"</p> - -<p>"You've been at this long enough and I've got all the money I want. -We can see each other sometimes; no reason why I couldn't go into -hyperspace just to visit."</p> - -<p>The kqyres paled to pearl. "Now that you have Lyddy, you don't want -anything else at all?"</p> - -<p>"Now that I have Lyddy, what else is there to want?"</p> - -<p>The kqyres flickered anxiously. "But the mbretersha has commanded—"</p> - -<p>Mattern smiled. "Her commands don't hold good in this universe. You -know that. When I was a kid, she could fool me into believing she had -a hold over me. But the hold is a psychological one; that's the only -thing that could carry over from universe to universe. And I'm strong -enough to break it now."</p> - -<p>Although he was not quite serious, it might be, he thought, that the -hyperspace trade and the trips to Ferr had spoiled him for everyday -life, made him too restless for the mundanities of any world. And it -was time for him to settle down now.</p> - -<p>He let the kqyres win the game, and then he stood up. "I'd better start -getting things ready for the trip to Burdon."</p> - -<p>"You've definitely decided to go?"</p> - -<p>"Yes," Mattern said, pleased with himself, "definitely."</p> - -<p>He went to the control room and got out the forms that would need to -be filled out before the ship could leave port. Suddenly he remembered -his puzzlement about the young spaceman—what was his name?—Raines? He -pressed a button on the file, and the boy's records flashed up at him. -At first they seemed to be in order: <i>Alard Raines, aged twenty-five, -educated on Earth</i>, well and good. But <i>born on Earth</i> ... Mattern was -almost positive that could never have been, not from the way the young -man spoke. And one false statement meant that the whole record was -false.</p> - -<p>However, he could not challenge the discrepancy before they left for -Capella. If he spoke to Raines, he'd probably have to dismiss him -then and there. It would be difficult to find a suitable replacement -in Erytheia City. He might have to send for someone from Earth, which -would take months, perhaps a year. First he'd take the <i>Queen</i> to -Burdon, he decided, and then he would fire Raines.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Nearly three weeks went by before they could leave. Mattern found -himself looking forward with some impatience to Burdon. When Lyddy had -a house of her own that she could take an interest in, he told himself, -things would be different; she would be different. This way she was -bored much of the time, and boredom is contagious.</p> - -<p>"I've 'vised ahead to Capella, dear," he told her as they boarded ship, -"and rented a furnished multiplex, so we'll have some place to stay."</p> - -<p>"Yes, honey," she said, with a strange lack of interest. She -didn't even seem surprised at the size of the ship. Underneath her -elaborate makeup, she was pale; her body was trembling. She saw that -an explanation was necessary. "It's been so long since I made the -Jump. Silly of me to be so nervous, but you do hear things about -hyperspace...."</p> - -<p>"You're safer in my ship than anywhere else."</p> - -<p>"Yes, I know." Was she merely expressing trust in him, or was there -more to her words than that?</p> - -<p>At first he was just vaguely suspicious. Then, the second day out, he -noticed that Lyddy and Raines seemed to be together a good deal more -of the time than chance would account for, and his suspicions secured -a focus. The two had some kind of unspoken understanding, he thought, -watching them as much out of curiosity as anger. <i>I have become chilled -with the years of alien company</i>, he thought. <i>I am incapable of true -passion; perhaps that is what she seeks in another.</i></p> - -<p>But, though he might find excuses for her, he would not condone her. -A bargain was a bargain. At the end of the first week, he said to her -one evening, as he sat on the edge of the bed, watching her brush her -long, thick gilded hair, "Darling, I'm a little worried about one of my -crewmen."</p> - -<p>Lyddy didn't turn from the jeweled dressing table he'd had especially -installed for her. "Which one?" she asked.</p> - -<p>"Young Raines. Do you know which he is?"</p> - -<p>"Yes." She paused. "There's only one young one. Why are you worried -about him? Do you think he's sick or something?" But that was the -question she should have asked <i>before</i> asking the man's identity.</p> - -<p>Mattern let a moment elapse, then said, "His papers appear to be -forged."</p> - -<p>He glanced at the reflection of her face, but it held neither relief -nor fear, merely its usual sweet emptiness. "Maybe he needed a job real -bad," she said.</p> - -<p>"Maybe," her husband agreed, "but why use forged papers?"</p> - -<p>"He might of gotten into some kind of trouble—you know how boys are."</p> - -<p>"I'd hardly care to employ the kind of spaceman who gets into trouble -serious enough for him to lose his papers. You have to do something -pretty drastic to get them taken away, you know."</p> - -<p>She said nothing.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>He went on, "What I'm beginning to suspect is that he isn't really a -trained spaceman at all, that he didn't go to any of the Earth space -schools."</p> - -<p>"Do you have to go to an Earth space school to be a spaceman? Can't -you study somewhere else?"</p> - -<p>"Earth's the only place where they give the conditioning." He told the -truth, figuring she wouldn't understand.</p> - -<p>She turned to look at him. "That's so the men shouldn't—see the things -outside when they go through hyperspace, isn't it?"</p> - -<p>Mattern was somewhat taken aback. "How did you know? It's not public -information."</p> - -<p>She shrugged and turned back to the dressing table. "I've known a lot -of spacemen, hon."</p> - -<p>Her face was pale, but why just now? He wondered just what Raines had -told her—how much the boy actually knew. Naturally there could be only -one possible reason he had chosen Lyddy as his confidante.</p> - -<p>"There's something between you and Raines, isn't there?" he asked.</p> - -<p>There was a slight delay. Then her laughter shrilled through the cabin. -"Don't be silly, hon; I hardly know the man! All I've done was speak -to him a couple of times!" She got up and put her soft arms around her -husband. "You're jealous, Len," she said, and there was complacency -mixed with the fright in her eyes.</p> - -<p>He felt a pang of disgust, but tried not to let it show. Gently, he put -her away from him.</p> - -<p>"But that's so silly," she murmured. "How could I prefer a dumb pimply -kid to you?"</p> - -<p>In theory, that was quite true, but Len knew women had strange tastes. -And possibly "a dumb pimply kid" <i>had</i> more to offer her emotionally -and, in reverse, intellectually, than he had. It was not impossible -that she was telling the truth, but Mattern could not, of course, -believe her. And there was no point in making a further issue of it -now. When they reached Burdon, he would fire Raines simply on the basis -of the forged papers. No need to bring Lyddy into it at all. So that -problem would be easily solved, but what of the others?</p> - -<p>He went to play chess with the kqyres. "I trust you have got over your -whimsical notion to retire," the xhind said hopefully.</p> - -<p>"No," Len told him maliciously, "I've practically made up my mind to -quit. There doesn't seem to be any point to it any more."</p> - -<p>"The woman <i>has</i> changed! That's the whole trouble, isn't it? Even -though it's not apparent, in some way she has changed?"</p> - -<p>"No," Len said again, "she hasn't changed at all. In fact, I think -that's what the trouble is. She hasn't changed, but <i>I</i> have."</p> - -<p>"I never thought of that," the kqyres confessed.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>The night of the Jump, Mattern turned in at the kqyres' suggestion. -"For once, your men can take care of the ship," the xhind said, "since -there will be no trading stop." Lyddy would be drugged, but Mattern -would not need drugs, for hyperspace held no more horrors for him. Or -so he thought.</p> - -<p>But that night he was awakened by the sound of a screaming so hideous -that, if he hadn't known voices don't change during the hyperjump, -he would be tempted to think it was one result of the law of -mutability—so monstrous were these shrill, worse-than-animal cries.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>He rushed out of his cabin.</p> - -<p>In the corridor stood Lyddy, still screaming, her face contorted with -terror that only the sight of Alard Raines standing there in his normal -shape let Mattern know that they had already passed the Jump.</p> - -<p>The shrieking separated into words. "I saw it! It was horrible!" And -she made an ugly noise in her throat. "You were right, Alard. It's -true! There's a monster on board and it did something <i>awful</i> to -me...." Her voice ebbed to a bubble as she looked down at her body -beneath the thin veil of fabric and found the same voluptuous curves -she had started out with.</p> - -<p>Mattern sighed. "Better come into my cabin, Lyddy." And then he jerked -his head at Raines. "You come, too." He paused in the doorway when he -saw there was no need for privacy. "Where are the other crewmen?"</p> - -<p>"Asleep," Raines said. "Drugged. As usual. Who do you think you're -fooling, anyway?"</p> - -<p>Mattern was too disturbed at the news to take notice of the boy's -manner. "But they weren't supposed to be drugged this trip! And who's -in charge then? <i>You?</i>"</p> - -<p>Raines flushed and struggled to pronounce the word he wanted to use in -return. "Your kek—kqyres, I'd say, is in charge. Like he always has -been," he concluded triumphantly.</p> - -<p>Mattern shut the cabin door behind the three of them. Lyddy went over -and sat down on the edge of the bunk, quieter now that she found her -personal transformation had been ephemeral. Seeing a monster is not, -after all, anywhere near as bad as being a monster. Her fright dimmed -and was outshone by a strong sense of personal injury.</p> - -<p>"I thought all Alard's talk of kek-kek-monsters was just superstition," -she babbled, "but it's <i>true</i>. I saw that thing with my own eyes and -it's <i>hideous</i>! Len, <i>why</i> do you have it on board, especially when -<i>I'm</i> here?"</p> - -<p>"I have to," Len said. "He's my partner."</p> - -<p>Her blue eyes widened in shock. "Then you've been doing more than just -<i>trading</i> with the hyperspacers. You've been <i>associating</i> with them, -and they're even worse than extraterrestrials because they're so much -more—extraterrestrial!"</p> - -<p>She went on talking in this vein, but Mattern ignored her and turned -his attention to the boy. "I suppose you told her not to eat or drink -anything so she'd see the hyperspacer?"</p> - -<p>Raines nodded, his face essaying contempt but imperfectly concealing -terror.</p> - -<p>"And I suppose you yourself did the same thing, not knowing the men -weren't going to be drugged this trip?" Len sat down behind his writing -table and looked thoughtfully at the young man. "You must have done the -same thing before, on other trips, to know as much as you seem to. You -must have heard and seen a great deal, eh?"</p> - -<p>"Plenty," Raines said, through brave, stiff lips. "Plenty."</p> - -<p><i>Obviously the boy hates me</i>, Mattern thought. <i>But why? Is Lyddy -enough reason?</i></p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>"Why did you bring her into this?" he asked, almost mildly.</p> - -<p>Lyddy didn't give Alard a chance to answer. "Because he wanted me to -see you as you really are!" she shrieked.</p> - -<p>The boy shuffled his feet. "I had to tell somebody."</p> - -<p>"Why my wife, though? She owes you nothing; she owes me everything. -The first woman of the streets you picked up would have made a safer -confidante."</p> - -<p>"Maybe I trusted her."</p> - -<p>"Maybe you had no right to trust her!" Mattern cried, almost with -sincerity. "It would have been wrong of her not to tell me."</p> - -<p>"Maybe it was because I—I love her," Alard said, looking down at the -thick rugs that covered the cabin floor. "If you fall in love with -somebody, you tell them things."</p> - -<p>Mattern couldn't help smiling. "I never do," he said.</p> - -<p>"Maybe you've never been in love. Maybe you don't have any human -feelings at all."</p> - -<p>There was an uncomfortable feeling in Mattern's shoulders, as if his -tailor had made a mistake for once. Had he, during sixteen years of -alien trade, changed into something not quite human? Was there then a -solid basis for the anti-extraterrestrial prejudice? He picked up a -slender, sharp thike and ran his thumb absent-mindedly along the blade. -Alard stiffened in his effort not to flush.</p> - -<p>Mattern smiled and laid the thike down on the table. It was only a -paperknife and had never been used for anything more. If he ever had -need for such a thing to be done, the time was long past when he would -have needed to do it himself. He looked at the crewman.</p> - -<p>"One would almost think you told my wife because you wanted her to tell -me," he suggested.</p> - -<p>"That's ridiculous!" Alard flashed. "I may be a fool, but not that much -of a fool!"</p> - -<p>"Why are you on my ship with forged papers then?" Mattern demanded.</p> - -<p>"I wanted—I wanted to bring you to justice."</p> - -<p>"By committing a crime yourself? Surely a roundabout way. And why have -you taken it upon yourself to help rid humanity of me?"</p> - -<p>"Why shouldn't I?" Alard asked. "I'm a human being; isn't that enough? -But, as a matter of fact, that wasn't the reason I came to your ship. I -only found out later what you were doing."</p> - -<p>Mattern waited patiently.</p> - -<p>"You killed my father!" the boy burst out. And then tension seemed to -ebb from him, as if the worst had happened. "So now you know who I am!"</p> - -<p>Mattern picked his words delicately. "If you have proof that I murdered -your father, why don't you prosecute? There's no statute of limitation -on murder on any of the planets. Or don't you have proof?"</p> - -<p>Alard's voice broke slightly. "Everybody on Fairhurst knows you killed -him, but they won't do anything about it. They say he deserved what he -got."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Mattern sighed, knowing now who the young man was. His brother. Another -responsibility, another vain tie. "How do you know, he didn't deserve -what he got?" Mattern asked.</p> - -<p>Suddenly Alard grew shy. He lowered his eyes to the rug again. "Because -<i>I</i> didn't deserve what <i>I</i> got."</p> - -<p>And there, Mattern thought, Alard had him. Whatever the boy was now, -he certainly had not deserved what he'd got then. <i>But I was only -sixteen</i>, Mattern argued with himself; <i>how could I have been held -responsible?</i> And then he told himself, <i>You haven't been sixteen for -twenty-four years.</i></p> - -<p>"I thought one of the women in the village would have adopted you," he -said.</p> - -<p>"One of 'em did. They took me away from her after she beat me so hard -she practically killed me. Every little thing I did wrong, she said it -was the bad blood coming out in me, and beat me so hard the blood did -come. I went from one family to another, but nobody really wanted me." -His voice cracked wide across. "You don't know what it's like to grow -up with nobody caring for you!"</p> - -<p>"It so happens I do," Mattern said, "but I can't expect you to believe -me."</p> - -<p>Alard wasn't interested in Mattern's life story; he wanted to wallow in -his own in front of a captive audience. "The only hope I had was that -you would come back for me some day. They told me you were probably -dead, but I wouldn't believe it, see? It was all I had to hang onto."</p> - -<p>"I thought you were part of a family," Mattern tried to defend himself. -"I thought you belonged to somebody." He almost convinced himself that -this was true, but, at the back of his mind, something whispered, <i>You -ditched him.</i></p> - -<p>"When I was sixteen, like you'd been, I ran away to look for you. I -found out where you'd gone and I followed. I even stayed a while with -the flluska. I liked them better than my own people. They said I should -try looking for you in hyperspace."</p> - -<p>"They are a very wise people," Mattern said.</p> - -<p>Alard hadn't had his brother's luck. None of the great starships -offered him a berth. But there were unchartered vessels—smugglers and -pirates and worse—that would hire anybody who didn't value his life -very highly and knew how to keep his mouth shut. He got jobs on them. -And as the bandit ships he sailed on took Jumps closer and closer in to -the more sophisticated sectors, Alard began to hear of a Len Mattern. -It took him a long time before he could bring himself to believe that -this king of finance was the brother whom he had imagined finding -derelict and penniless. Instead, he was rich and oblivious, not needing -anything the younger man could give him.</p> - -<p>It was then that Alard determined revenge. It took him years to save up -enough money to buy the false papers he needed—more years to buy his -way into Mattern's crew. And, finally, he had achieved his end; he was -there.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>"But you've been with me almost a year now," Mattern pointed out, "and -done nothing except talk to Lyddy against me. What were you planning to -do?"</p> - -<p>"I don't know," the boy said hopelessly. "Lots of times I thought of -killing you, but then I'd be killing the only relative I had."</p> - -<p>"You could have told me who you were. I'd have done something for you."</p> - -<p>Alard's eyes blazed. "Yes, you <i>would</i> have. When it's easy, when it -wouldn't mean a damn thing to you, you'd do something for me!"</p> - -<p>Len pulled out a smokestick and offered it to the boy. Alard shook -his head impatiently. Len lit one for himself. Neither of them said -anything.</p> - -<p>Lyddy was sobbing softly. "You never really loved me," she whimpered. -"It was just a way of getting back at Len."</p> - -<p>Alard looked away from her, met his brother's eye, and dropped his gaze -to the rug, without denying the impeachment.</p> - -<p>Mattern exhaled smoke. "All right, you had a grudge against me, but -what did you have against her? If you <i>were</i> using her to get back at -me, then I think you have no cause to reproach me for anything I did. -Maybe your foster-mother was right; there <i>is</i> bad blood in the family."</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<div class="figcenter"> - <img src="images/illus3.jpg" width="600" height="276" alt=""/> -</div> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p>The young spaceman was still silent.</p> - -<p>Lyddy lifted her head. There was resolution on her tear-smudged face. -"I'm going to leave you, Len! I can't go on living with a man who does -the awful, evil, <i>unnatural</i> things you do...." Her voice petered out -as her vocabulary proved unequal to her emotions. <i>Poor Lyddy</i>, he -thought. And then, <i>Poor Len, with emotions unequal to his vocabulary.</i></p> - -<p>"Everything I did, I did for your sake, Lyddy," he told her softly, but -no longer with any hope of her comprehension. "It was because I was -poor and couldn't afford your love that I went into hyperspace." He -couldn't help adding, "Doesn't it mean anything to you that I risked a -whole universe for your sake, and that now I have worlds to offer you?"</p> - -<p>"Don't put the blame on <i>me</i>, Len Mattern!" Angry tears stood in her -eyes. "I never wanted anybody to do <i>that</i> much for me. All I wanted -were nice things and somebody to take care of me and maybe love me. I -never wanted to have the whole universe risked for me." Her voice broke -on the truth. "Nobody's worth all that!"</p> - -<p>She was right, he thought—being given too much can be worse than -being given too little. The words spilled out of her; he'd been -so disenchanted by her stupidity that he gave her credit for less -understanding than she did have.</p> - -<p>"You wouldn't've been able to wait fifteen-sixteen years for me if you -really loved me. But you were <i>happy</i> the way you were—you and that -extraterrestrial of yours. All you wanted was to dream about me. You -were a fool ever to have come back for me; you shoulda stuck with your -dreams."</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>And again, he knew, she was right. He felt very tired and empty, -the way he'd felt after Schiemann and Balas had died, as if nothing -mattered any more. He didn't argue with her.</p> - -<p>"What would you do if you left me, Lyddy?" he asked gently.</p> - -<p>"I can always—" she swallowed—"go back to my old job, I guess."</p> - -<p>Alard gave an exclamation of horror, and Mattern agreed in his mind -that that solution would never do. Beyond a doubt, she was his -responsibility. And so was Alard. Why had he ever longed for a family?</p> - -<p>And then an outside mind joined in with his and he knew what to do.</p> - -<p>"Alard," he said, "before, I offered to do something for you. Now I'm -not going to do anything for you, not a damn thing."</p> - -<p>Alard drew himself erect. "I wouldn't expect you to, see? Even if you -wanted to, I wouldn't take—"</p> - -<p>"I want you to do something for me," Mattern cut in.</p> - -<p>Alard paled, then flushed with anger. "If this is some half-baked way -of thinking you can make up for things without me feeling—"</p> - -<p>"Hear me out before you leap to conclusions. You said that you loved my -wife...."</p> - -<p>Lyddy gave a moan. "You know he was only stringing me along to get back -at you."</p> - -<p>"He wouldn't have done that," said Mattern. "Not a fine, upstanding -boy like Alard, no matter how much he hated me. You really love Lyddy, -don't you, Alard—as you said before?"</p> - -<p>The boy looked frightened. "Only in a manner of speaking," he said -quickly. "I was trying to make you jealous. I think of her as a -sister—a sister-in-law."</p> - -<p>"She's very beautiful," Mattern reminded him. And the xhindi <i>had</i> done -their work well. She hadn't changed; they had preserved her for him -just as she had been sixteen years before. If only they had let her -change, then things might have worked out. They could have kept the -body from growing old without holding back the mind—or had they not -held back the mind? Was this the fullest maturity it was capable of?</p> - -<p>"A man who has her as his wife should be very happy," Mattern pointed -out. "You wouldn't want her to go back to what she'd been doing, and -she won't stay with me."</p> - -<p>"Yes, sure." There was a desperate note in the boy's voice. "But she's -not young. I mean for me—although, of course, she <i>looks</i> young," he -added, with a wild glance in her direction. "And she's not very—she -isn't—"</p> - -<p>Mattern got up and put his hand on his brother's shoulder. "Then if you -feel that way about her and do as I ask, it will really be a favor to -me."</p> - -<p>"Why should I do you a favor?" Alard demanded. His eyes darted back and -forth like an animal that is beginning to realize it is caught in a -trap.</p> - -<p>"To prove you're the better man," Mattern told him. "To heap coals of -fire on my head. To prove that if there's bad blood in the family, it -exists only in me."</p> - -<p>Alard didn't ask what Mattern wanted him to do. He knew already.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Mattern put it into words: "I want you to take her with you."</p> - -<p>"Take her," Alard repeated numbly. "Where?"</p> - -<p>"Anywhere she wants to go—to Earth or back to Erytheia, or any one of -the planets she chooses."</p> - -<p>"Will she go with me?" Alard challenged. "You have to ask her; she has -the right—"</p> - -<p>"Oh, I'll go with you, Alard," Lyddy interrupted joyfully. "I'd go with -anybody right now, but especially you."</p> - -<p>"Even if you know I love you only as a sister?"</p> - -<p>"That's better than nothing," Lyddy said. "Besides, you could change -your mind. I think you and me have a lot more in common than him and -me."</p> - -<p>"I want to make sure there will always be someone to take care of her, -to watch over her," Mattern told his brother. "Funny, I wouldn't have -done what I did except for the sake of winning her, and now that I've -won her, I can't hold her because of what I did to get her. But she was -my dream and I want her to be cherished."</p> - -<p>"That's noble of you, Len," Lyddy said. "I'll think of you often, and -I won't be mad at you." She got up and linked her arm in Alard's. -"You'll take good care of me, won't you, hon?"</p> - -<p>But it was to his brother that Alard spoke. "I'll take good care of -her," he promised, his voice thick with an emotion that was one part -sentiment, one part resignation.</p> - -<p>"Splendid," Mattern said. "I wouldn't want her to be cast adrift. She -knows so little of any of the worlds outside her own restricted sphere."</p> - -<p>"Sure," Alard replied miserably, "I understand. I'll do my best."</p> - -<p>Mattern got up and put out his hand and, after a little hesitation, -Alard took it.</p> - -<p>"I hope in time you'll come to forgive me," Mattern said, "and that -your hatred will dwindle into dislike, perhaps even tolerance."</p> - -<p>"Oh, I don't hate you any more," Alard assured him. "I guess, in -your way, you've had as much to put up with as I did." He frowned in -perplexity. "But why did it have to be me?"</p> - -<p>"You'll change your mind about that, too," Mattern said comfortably. -"Lyddy is a very accomplished woman."</p> - -<hr class="chap" /> - -<p class="ph4">VIII</p> - -<p>He felt quite cheerful as he left the two together in his cabin. At -long last, he was free of responsibility, of illusion, of dreams. He -didn't need a woman; it would be wrong for him to expect a woman to -live with the kqyres, even unwittingly. Love was for the very young; -he had his work. And now that he was free of all these vexing human -entanglements, he'd be able to take hold of the business the way he -should have been doing all along. The kqyres was getting old; it was -time to assume the details of management himself. There were quite a -few areas of operation which could become even more productive if the -business was thoroughly reorganized.</p> - -<p>Mattern went up to the control room. The kqyres was there, which was -not his usual place. Perhaps Alard had been right when he said it was -Njeri who had drugged the other crewmen and taken control of the ship. -Presently, Mattern would ask him why, but there were other matters to -be discussed first.</p> - -<p>"Well," Mattern said, flinging himself into a chair, "Lyddy seems to be -disposed of satisfactorily." He gave a rueful laugh. "I take it you had -a hand in the arrangements. That was only fair—she's your creation." -He waved his smokestick at the xhind. "However, I'm warning you, I -won't let myself be manipulated any more. You're through pushing me -around."</p> - -<p>The kqyres seemed almost offended. Then there came a soft chuckle. -"Manipulated, nonsense! We merely deluded you a little, in the same -manner you were wont to delude yourself, but more purposefully. In -truth, what else could we do? We needed you, and in order to induce you -to accept our terms, we had to establish some goal, some ideal for you -to aim at."</p> - -<p>Something about the kqyres' voice disturbed Mattern; he only half -listened as the hyperspacer continued: "And the resources of your mind -were so pitifully meager at that time that this woman was the best -we could dredge up. Later, when your horizons had broadened and your -perceptions deepened, we attempted to alter your goal to a more worthy -one, but the woman had already become an obsession...."</p> - -<p>"You're not the kqyres," Mattern interrupted. "You have a different -voice."</p> - -<p>"Not the <i>same</i> kqyres," the voice corrected. "Truly, it was unfair to -make Lord Njeri go through a thing like this twice in one lifetime. -Moreover, as he grew old, he grew careless."</p> - -<p>So that was why the men had been drugged. There had been an unscheduled -stop in hyperspace.</p> - -<p>Mattern got up and looked intently at the shadowy form. The xhind -flickered a little, as if in embarrassment, and embarked almost -nervously upon an explanation. "You were never intended to attain -Lyddy, merely to keep her image before you like the star a mariner -follows but can never reach." And then the kqyres laughed. "Except, of -course, that today he can reach his star."</p> - -<p>"A carrot and a donkey might be a more suitable simile," Mattern said. -"Pity you couldn't have provided a better carrot."</p> - -<p>The new kqyres ignored this comment. "Lord Njeri was transferred. He -has asked me to say that he looks forward to the pleasure of renewing -your friendship when you come again to Ferr. Meanwhile, I have taken -his place." After some hesitation, the new kqyres added, "I hope we -shall be good friends, also."</p> - -<p>There was no use pretending any longer. "I know who you are," Mattern -said. "I recognize your voice. You're the mbretersha herself, aren't -you?"</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>She seemed pleased rather than dismayed. "Yes, I am the mbretersha. I -came to realize that the post of kqyres was more difficult than that of -queen. Therefore, I was the only one who should rightfully undertake -it. As I told you, in our universe a ruler cannot afford pride. She -lives only for the good of her people."</p> - -<p>"She's got to," Mattern said bluntly, "if, as you said, her nervous -system is attuned to theirs. What actually did happen is that Njeri -told you I was quitting the business and he couldn't control me any -more. So you took his place to see if you could change my mind."</p> - -<p>"Oh, that was a mere pleasantry!" she said. "I knew you would not give -up the hyperspace trade. What else would you have left?"</p> - -<p>What else <i>would</i> he have left? His money, his collections, his -unpleasant memories. All his emotional ties now were with that other -universe.</p> - -<p>"Who's ruling Ferr?" he asked, evading her question.</p> - -<p>"Lord Njeri, your former kqyres, serves as my regent. He is my father, -so he is fitted by birth; his system is also attuned to the planet's, -although not as sensitively as mine, since he is a male. Perhaps that -would make him a better ruler; he will suffer less. And I see no reason -otherwise why a male should be deemed incapable of ruling, providing he -is under careful supervision."</p> - -<p>"No reason at all," Mattern agreed.</p> - -<p>"Moreover," she continued, "I have organized the whole government of my -planet so that it runs itself. And, of course, from time to time, when -we make our trips, I shall be able to check into what's going on."</p> - -<p>"But we're not going to make any more trips," he said. Although he -had not been serious about retiring—he knew that now—he wasn't going -to let the hyperspacers push him around. <i>Make her sweat a little</i>, he -thought irreverently.</p> - -<p>"Will you not give me a chance, Captain?" she asked. "Is the prospect -of my company so displeasing to you that it will make you give up the -business immediately?"</p> - -<p>"You know it's not that. I told the kqyres before you came—"</p> - -<p>"But my people won't know it's not that. I shall lose face."</p> - -<p>"If only you <i>had</i> a face!" he cried. "I'm sick of sailing with -shadows!"</p> - -<p>"My form in your universe is truly horrible, Mattern," she said softly, -"truly monstrous. The xhindi who have seen themselves in mirrors in -your universe have often gone mad."</p> - -<p>"Anything is better than emptiness," he told her.</p> - -<p>"If I appear in my true form, then will you accept me as your kqyres?"</p> - -<p>"Well," he said, enjoying himself, "I'll make a few more trips with -you, but that's all I'll promise."</p> - -<p>"I accept your promises," she said.</p> - -<p>He felt a tiny shiver rise up in him. Suppose her normspace form was -even more hideous than her hyperspace form, which of course, was no -longer hideous to him. Would his nerves be strong enough to bear it?</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>He held his breath as the vibrations began to slow down, the grays -shimmering into substance, taking on all the colors of the rainbow and -then flowing into one basic roseate hue. Bit by bit, the planes and -shapes began to coalesce into the shape of....</p> - -<p>A woman. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen. A woman next to -whom even the dream of Lyddy paled into thin air.</p> - -<p>And, momentarily, he became the Len Mattern of fifteen years back, -standing there with his mouth agape. "But you said you'd be a -monster...."</p> - -<p>"To my people, Mattern," she smiled, "this form is as monstrous as ours -is to your people. You change into our doubles in hyperspace; we change -into yours in normspace. Had you kept the continuity of tradition that -we have, you would know what we have always known—that xhind and human -are different aspects of the same race. That is why you fear us, and we -do not fear you."</p> - -<p><i>Of course</i>, he thought. <i>How else could they understand us so well? -How else could they find logic in our illogic and be able to condition -us according to our human natures?</i> And he smiled to think that all -objection to the xhindi from the social angle was invalid. Monsters -they might be, but not non-humans.</p> - -<p>"Once I thought this appearance was monstrous, Mattern," the mbretersha -went on, in the sweet voice which suited her now, "because I thought -you and your kind were, though forms of our race, monstrous forms—not -only without beauty, but without dignity or intelligence or compassion."</p> - -<p>"Maybe you were right," he said.</p> - -<p>"But since I have learned to know you and to—like you, I have come to -realize that outward semblances are meaningless. I may appear one way -in your universe, another way in mine, but I am the same I. If there -is beauty—" and she gave what, in a lesser personage, would have been -almost a giggle—"it is an inner beauty."</p> - -<p>Mattern could not agree with this premise. Although he had admired -the mbretersha on Ferr, he felt quite differently toward her now, and -because of no suddenly discovered inner beauty.</p> - -<p>"You'll stay this way in this universe then?" he asked. "It makes it so -much more comfortable for me—than just a collection of shadows," he -added hastily.</p> - -<p>"I will stay this way permanently while I am in your universe, -Mattern," she told him, "if, in your turn, you will accept me as—as—"</p> - -<p>"As my shipmate," Mattern finished, "my kqyres. I have already done so."</p> - -<p>"Not merely as your <i>ship</i>mate."</p> - -<p>"As my—wife?" he blurted, wondering whether he was reading her mind or -whether she was projecting so forcibly into his that he merely spoke -her thoughts for her.</p> - -<p>She nodded.</p> - -<p>To be chained again, after this brief moment of freedom! He wanted her, -right enough, and he was delighted to have her for his partner, his -companion, but he saw no need for formal commitments between them.</p> - -<p>"You're the mbretersha," he protested, "the queen. It wouldn't be right -for you to marry a commoner!"</p> - -<p>"And you," she retorted, "are one of nature's own noblemen, and, hence, -a fitting consort for me. There is no one in either universe whom I -could marry without lowering myself," she explained, "so I might as -well wed where there is a basis of respect, of admiration, and, to be -sure, expediency."</p> - -<p>"But—but <i>our</i> ceremony wouldn't be valid in <i>your</i> universe, would -it?" he spluttered wildly. "And <i>your</i> ceremony—"</p> - -<p>"We will have two ceremonies, Mattern, one in each universe."</p> - -<p>This, he could see in alarm, was going to be a truly lasting marriage.</p> - -<hr class="tb" /> - -<p>Mattern was happy with the mbretersha, for she knew how to satisfy a -man's every dream as well as his desires, and of course, being the -kqyres, she was the only woman who would not be disturbed by the -presence of one on board. Moreover, she was a woman for whom a universe -could be risked, a woman to whom worlds could be offered—in short, -just as he was the only man worthy of her, so she was the only woman -worthy of him.</p> - -<p>But sometimes he fancied that the mbretersha's blue eyes had the same -haunting familiarity that he had seen in Lyddy's and Alard's, and he -wondered. Alard's had been explicable enough; he and Mattern had had -the same mother. But why should Lyddy also have his mother's eyes—and, -stranger still, why should the mbretersha?</p> - -<p>Len could not help wondering whether, to create the ideal fantasy, the -ultimate carrot, the xhindi had reached far back in his mind to get the -earliest—and thus the most fundamental—illusion of beauty for him. -Could both Lyddy and the mbretersha have been deliberately modeled on -his mother, and was the mbretersha's form in normspace merely whatever -she chose it to be—or appear to be?</p> - -<p><i>Oh, well</i>, he thought, <i>perhaps an artful illusion is the truest form -of reality.</i></p> - - - - - - - - -<pre> - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg's Someone to Watch Over Me, by Christopher Grimm - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SOMEONE TO WATCH OVER ME *** - -***** This file should be named 51844-h.htm or 51844-h.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/1/8/4/51844/ - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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You may copy it, give it away or -re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included -with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org/license - - -Title: Someone to Watch Over Me - -Author: Christopher Grimm - -Release Date: April 23, 2016 [EBook #51844] - -Language: English - -Character set encoding: ASCII - -*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SOMEONE TO WATCH OVER ME *** - - - - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - - - - - - - - - Someone To Watch Over Me - - By CHRISTOPHER GRIMM - - Illustrated by DICK FRANCIS - - [Transcriber's Note: This etext was produced from - Galaxy Science Fiction October 1959. - Extensive research did not uncover any evidence that - the U.S. copyright on this publication was renewed.] - - - - - In the awfulness of hyperspace, everything - was the nightmare opposite of itself ... and - here was where Len Mattern found his goal! - - -I - -Len Mattern paused before the door of the Golden Apple Bar. The elation -that had carried him up to this point suddenly wasn't there any more. -Lyddy couldn't have changed too much, he'd kept telling himself. After -all, it hadn't been so very long since he'd seen her. Now he found -himself counting the years ... and they added up to a long time. - -But it was too late to go back now. A familiar thought. The commitment -was moral only, and to himself, no one else--the same way it had been -that other time, the time that had changed the direction of his whole -life, and, possibly, of all other lives in his universe as well. There -was only one human being with whom he kept faith--himself. Therefore, -the commitment was a binding one. - -He pushed open the door and went in. - -He saw Lyddy at the end of the bar, surrounded by a group of men. Lyddy -had always been surrounded by a group of men, he remembered, unless she -was up in her room entertaining just one. She half-turned and he saw -her face. The sun-pink lips were parted, her eyes still comparable to -the heavens of Earth. She stood erect and lithe and slender. - -_She had not changed at all!_ - - * * * * * - -The tension that had built up inside him snapped with the weight -of sudden relief. He lurched against a small hokur-motal table. It -rocked crazily. The zhapik who owned the Golden Apple came out from -behind the carved screen where he'd been sitting segregated from the -customers. Many of the zhapiq, who had been native to Erytheia before -the Federation took over, owned businesses catering to humans. It might -be degrading, but it paid well. - -"Maybe you've had enough to drink, Captain?" he suggested. "Maybe -you'd like to come back another time?" - -"I haven't had anything at all to drink," Mattern said curtly. "What's -more, I haven't come for a drink." - -He strode across the room, firmly now, and brushed aside the men who -clustered around Lyddy. "I've come for you," he told her. - -She didn't say anything, just looked him up and down. The beautiful -blue eyes skillfully appraised his worth as a man and as a customer. -Then she smiled and patted the gilded hair that streamed past her bare -shoulders to her narrow waist. - -"You're not a Far Planets man," she said. "How come you know about me?" - -Funny he should feel disappointed. Sure, he'd been thinking of her all -those years, but he'd never expected her to have been thinking of him. -Yet he found himself blurting out, "Don't you remember me, Lyddy?" -Then he cursed himself; first because he didn't want her to remember -him as he had been; second, because he knew every man who'd ever slept -with her--or a woman like her--would ask the same question. And, of -course, she'd have the standard answer, something like "Why, of course -I remember you, honey. I'm just not good at names." - -But she just looked at him levelly. "No, dear, I'm afraid I don't -remember you," she said. Then a tiny frown gathered on her smooth -forehead. "Seems to me I would've, though. When did I meet you?" - -"Oh, years ago! I was just a kid!" - -She flushed, and he realized he'd been a little tactless. If he was no -kid any more, neither would she be. Still, she looked as young as she -ever had, and he, he knew, looked younger. - -He didn't want her to probe further, so he hastily made an appointment -with her for an evening later that week. As he left, he could hear her -saying, in a bewildered voice, "I could've sworn there was somebody -with him when he came in." - -And he quickened his steps. - - * * * * * - -She had the same room--a warm luxurious chamber, high up in the Golden -Apple Hotel. Lyddy herself was the same, too, just as he remembered her. - -Afterward, as they lay together in the blackness, she asked, "Can you -see in the dark, Captain?" - -He was surprised, and then, thinking about it, not so surprised. "Of -course not, no more than you can! Whatever made you ask that?" - -"I--feel like somebody's looking at me." - -He rolled over on his side, so his body was as far away from hers as -possible. He didn't want her to feel the sudden rise of tension in him. -_Something's got to be done about this_, he thought. _I can't put up -with it now._ - -"Why don't you say anything, honey?" her anxious voice came out of the -darkness. - -"Will you marry me, Lyddy?" he said. - -He could hear the intake of her breath. "Ask me again in the morning," -she told him wearily. He knew what she must be thinking: Men who hadn't -had a woman for a long time sometimes did strange things. In the -morning, she would wake up and he would be gone. - -Only, when morning came, he was still there. Two weeks later, they were -married. - - -II - -Lyddy was curious about her husband-to-be and kept trying to find -out all about him. Fortunately, in the code of the Far Planets, a -man's past was his own business, so he was able to be evasive without -actually lying to her. Not that he had any scruples, about lying; it -was simply easier to tell as few stories as possible, rather than worry -about keeping them straight. - -But it was all right to ask about a man's present. "Do you have -anybody, Len? Relations, anything like that?" - -He frowned a little, remembering the boy on Fairhurst. "No," he said, -"I have no relatives. I have nobody." - -Her face fell. "It would've been kind of nice to have a ready-made -family." - -"Oh, I don't know," he said. "There are times when it's better to have -no family." - -"Yeah, I guess you're right. They might not approve of me." - -"We'll be everything to each other," he assured her. - -There was a ghost of a sound then--a laugh or a sigh. He hoped she -didn't hear it. - -The zhapik insisted on giving Lyddy's wedding, even though he himself -could, of course, be present only behind the screen. Most people said -the old E-T bastard knew a good piece of publicity when he saw it, but -Mattern thought it might be out of genuine sentiment. He was closer -to aliens than most men in this sector, any sector. Although he had -originally hailed from the Far Planets, he had traveled widely and lost -his prejudices. His best friend wasn't human. - -Every human in Erytheia City was invited to the wedding. Mattern's four -crewmen came. Three were middle-aged and had sailed with Mattern for -years, but his most recent acquisition was a young man, almost a boy. -Something Raines, his name was. He kept staring at Lyddy as if he had -never seen a beautiful woman before, though, coming from Earth, he must -have seen many. Mattern was gratified at this tribute to his choice. - -"Only four crewmen!" Lyddy said, looking disappointed. "You must have a -small ship." - -Mattern smiled. "Not too small." He could see she didn't believe him. - -Lyddy didn't seem to be enjoying her wedding. She kept glancing over -her shoulder all through the ceremony and during the reception. Finally -Mattern had to ask her what was wrong, although he would rather not -have known. - -"Y'know, hon," she whispered, "I keep having the funniest feeling -there's somebody _extra_ here, somebody who doesn't belong. I haven't -quite seen him; he always seems to slip by so fast, but I don't even -think he's a man." - -"Don't be silly, Lyddy," he said, almost sharply. "You know no -extraterrestrial would dare to crash a human party!" - -"I guess not." But she still kept looking over her shoulder. - - * * * * * - -The zhapik invited them to remain at the Golden Apple Hotel as his -guests for as long as they liked. They stayed two months. Then Mattern -told his wife it was time they started planning their future, decided -where they were going to live. "You'll want a home of your own," he -said. "Otherwise you'll get bored." - -"I'm never bored," said Lyddy. "But where will we go? I mean what -system?" - -"Well, Erytheia is a pleasure planet, so I thought we might as well -stay here. There are some attractive residential neighborhoods on this -continent--or, if you'd prefer, the other one." - -Her face fell. "You mean we're going to stay _here_?" - -He didn't know why he was so anxious to remain on Erytheia. Mainly it -was because for no good reason he found himself disliking the idea of -making the Jump with her. "If you'd rather, I could build you a city of -your own, Lyddy," he tempted her. - -It was obvious that even if she had taken this seriously, it still -wouldn't be what she wanted. "I'd like to go away from here," she told -him. "Far away." - -"Just because you want a change--is that it?" - -She hesitated. "That's partly it. But there's more. Somehow, ever since -we've been married, I keep feeling all the time like--like I'm being -watched." - -His smile was strained. "Well, naturally, in 'Rytheia City, people -will tend to--watch. Let's go far away from where people are. There's -an island on this planet, way off in the western seas. I'll buy you -that island, Lyddy. I'll build you a villa there--a chateau, a castle, -whatever you want." - -But she shook her golden head. "No, nothing like that. I want to go to -another system. It's not that I don't want to be where people are. I -like crowds. I just want to be where there are _different_ people." - -He forced another smile. "What's gotten into you, Lyddy? In the old -days, you used to be so calm." - - * * * * * - -She wriggled her shoulders uncomfortably. "I keep seeing things, -shadows that shouldn't be there, reflections of nothing. Only, when I -turn, they don't get out of the way fast enough to be nothing." - -"They?" he repeated. - -"I only see one at a time, but I don't know if it's always the same -one." She shivered again. - -"It must be your nerves." He went on resolutely, "Maybe you do need a -change of scene." Actually it was absurd to feel so apprehensive about -the Jump. She'd be safer in hyperspace in his ship than anywhere else -in the universe. And a large metropolis might provide distractions to -take her mind off--shadows. "How would you like to go to Burdon?" - -"That would be real nice!" But she was not as enthusiastic about it as -he had expected. - - * * * * * - -She laid a hesitant hand on his arm. "Honey," she began tentatively, -"you--you seem to spend so much time all by yourself. Do I bore you?" - -"Of course not, dear," he said awkwardly. "It just seems that way to -you. Pressure of business...." - -"But why do you play chess with yourself all the time?" - -"I've spent so much time in space that I got into the habit of playing -alone. Many spacemen do that." - -She bit her painted lip. "Sometimes--sometimes when you're alone in -your room, I hear your voice. Why do you talk to yourself?" - -It was an effort for him to meet the beautiful, blank blue eyes. "When -you're alone a lot of the time, sweetheart, you have to hear the sound -of a voice even if it's your own, or you start hearing voices." - -"But you have me," she said. "You're _not_ alone. But you still do it." - -"Old habits are hard to break, dear." - -She looked up at him, trying to force her way past the wall in his -eyes. God help her, he thought, if she ever succeeds. "Would you like -me to learn to play chess?" - -"Would you like to?" - -"I--don't know," she murmured doubtfully. "I've never been much good -at mind things. But I want to be _everything_ to you." - -"You are, sweetheart." He stooped and kissed her. "Don't force yourself -to do anything you don't want to for my sake. I'm used to playing -alone." - -"But I want you to do things with _me_!" - -"I'll do everything else with you," he promised. - -He went to his room and shut the door behind him. But she had heard him -talking there, so sounds must carry through. When they got a place of -their own, he would have the walls and doors sound-proofed. Meanwhile, -it would be safer to go to the ship. - -As he came out of the hotel door, he collided with a man who looked -familiar. It took him a moment to identify the sullen, startled face as -belonging to that newest member of his crew, young Something Raines. - -"Hello there," he said. "Were you coming to see me?" - -"N-no, sir. I was just coming in for a--a pack of Earth smokesticks. -I can't stand those _stinking_ native brands!" The boy spoke with a -viciousness so unsuited to the subject that it was almost funny. He -flushed, perhaps realizing this, perhaps remembering that Mattern was -reputed to hail from this sector. "It's a question of what you're used -to, see?" he mumbled. - -"Of course," Mattern agreed pleasantly. "This is your first time on -Erytheia, is it?" - -"Yes, my first time here." - -"Are you enjoying it?" - -"Well, I dunno exactly." There was doubt in the boy's blue eyes. -Something in them seemed familiar, more familiar than just recognizing -one of his own crewmen. He had a look of--who? Of Lyddy? But that was -absurd. - - * * * * * - -The doubt in Raines' face had changed to fear, and Mattern realized -that he himself must have been just standing there, staring at him. He -laughed. "You're supposed to _enjoy_ Erytheia; it's a pleasure planet." - -"Well," the boy said, choosing his words with care, "it's a pretty -enough place, but it's set up more for people with money. I mean -there's nothing here for fellows like me; the pleasure's for the rich -people only. Even the smokesticks cost almost twice as much as anywhere -else." - -"We'll probably be leaving soon, so you'll only have to stick it a -little while longer." Mattern's hand went to his pocket, then fell to -his side as he saw the look on the boy's face. If Raines was proud, -Mattern would not offend him by offering him money. "Maybe you'll find -Burdon more to your liking." - -"Oh, _yes_, sir!" The young spaceman's face was virtually radiant. _He -must have a girl on Burdon_, Mattern thought, amused. - -As he walked over to the landing field where his ship was moored, -he was troubled by the memory of the boy's voice. Not that it was -familiar--but there was the faintest hint of a Far Planets accent. -Provincials as a rule didn't go to the terrestrial space schools, but -it was, of course, possible. Raines must have had an Earth education, -because Mattern followed the rule of the Marine service and never hired -a man who didn't have a degree from one of the space schools. He must -look at the boy's records as soon as he got a chance. - -_The Hesperian Queen_ was not a small vessel. She was one of the -newest, fastest, most fully automated models. Moreover, she was large -and she glittered like a dwarf star. Lyddy would get a surprise when -she came to see the ship. - -Mattern greeted the crew member on watch and went up to his luxuriously -appointed cabin--suite, really. Inside, a chessboard was set up, as its -counterpart was set up in his hotel room, one side in the light from a -porthole, the other in a corner full of shadows. - -The pieces were not only in position, but a game had been started. -Mattern sat down on the bright side and moved a piece. - -"Lyddy's aware of you," he told the shadows. "She has no idea of what -you are, of course. But she knows you're around, kqyres. She's half -seen you and it's beginning to bother her. It's beginning to bother me, -too." - - * * * * * - -Part of the shifting grayness flowed over the board. When it receded, -a knight had changed its place. "Truly, I have tried to be careful," a -quiet, rather tired voice said out of a darkness at the heart of the -shadows, an area that was tenuously substant. "Is it certain that you -yourself have not in some way given her cause for suspicion?" - -"Quite certain. I've watched myself night and day." Mattern smiled -ruefully. "Which is damned hard when you're on your honeymoon." - -"Is there anyone else who might have spoken of these things to her?" -the kqyres asked. - -"No one." Then Mattern remembered the young spaceman he had met coming -into the hotel, who seemed to have a look of Lyddy. But that was -nonsensical. Looking _like_ her didn't mean talking _to_ her. In any -case, what would Raines know that he could tell her? Silly to be so -suspicious. The Golden Apple _was_ one of the few places in Erytheia -City where one could get Earth smokesticks. "No one," Mattern repeated. -"No one at all." - -The patterns shifted and darkened. "Then I must be getting careless. I -am growing old." - -"Anyone can make a slip," Mattern said reassuringly. "Just try to be a -little more careful, that's all." He moved a rook. - -The grayness crept out over the board, touched a bishop, hesitated, and -moved to a pawn. _He is getting old_, Mattern thought pityingly, as he -took the pawn. _Once I could never beat him. Now I win two games out of -three._ - -"But you are content with the woman?" his partner asked anxiously. "You -are not disappointed with her in any way? She pleases you as much today -as she did when first you set eyes on her?" - -"Of course she does! You'd think it was you who'd been dreaming of her -all these years, not me." - -"I suppose we shared those dreams...." - -"And you'd never seen her." Mattern stared intently at the shadow. "Are -you disappointed, then?" - -"Of course not. You know that to me a human woman is merely an object -of art. And she _is_ very beautiful. But I thought she might not have -come up to your expectations. Reality often falls short of dreams." The -shadow's voice tautened. "Has she changed much?" - -"Very little," Mattern said, absorbed once more in the game. "You'd -think only a year or two had passed. Surprising how women do it." - -The shadow sighed. "Surprising," it agreed, its voice relaxing. "But -then the female sex is mysterious." - - * * * * * - -They played on a while in silence. The kqyres finally spoke. "You will -need a lot of money to provide an establishment fitting for so lovely a -lady." - -"I have a lot of money," Mattern said. "More than enough." - -The kqyres flickered so violently that Mattern's eyes hurt. "Not enough -for the things she deserves to have. Jewels, palaces, planets...." - -"One thing I know would make it a lot more comfortable for her," -Mattern suggested. "If only you didn't have to be close to me all the -time, kqyres. If only you could stay on the ship even when I'm not -there. Not that I don't enjoy your company," he added quickly, "but she -seems to be highly strung." - -"Do you think I like the situation any better than you? But this is the -way the mbretersha has ordered it." - -"I suppose she knows what she's doing," Mattern sighed. In any -case, the mbretersha's orders were absolute and could not be -contravened--otherwise, at least one universe might be destroyed. There -were still so many things he didn't understand and was not likely to -learn. - -"Strange," he went on pensively, "that Lyddy should have seen you, when -I hardly can, and I _know_ you're here." He knew, too, that the kqyres -was deliberately vibrating out of phase, so that the horror of his -appearance in this continuum would be spared not only those he chanced -to meet, but also himself. There was always the danger of passing a -mirror. Knowing how the kqyres looked in his own universe, knowing how -he himself looked in the kqyres' universe, Mattern didn't doubt that -any revelation would be a frightful one. However, he couldn't help -being curious. - -"I still think someone must have told her where to stare," the shadow -said, "and what for." - -"Don't be absurd!" Mattern snapped, outraged at the idea that his -carefully kept secret might not be a secret at all. "Just try to be -careful when she's around. Vibrate harder, or something." - -"I shall do my poor best." The shadowy one hesitated. "Do you not think -that if perhaps you were to tell her the truth--" - -"Lord, no!" Mattern exclaimed. "She'd take a fit!" - -"Once you would not have spoken of her that way," the kqyres said -reproachfully. - -"I didn't mean it the way it sounded," Mattern tried to explain. "It's -just that--well, by now I hardly remember what the truth is myself." - - -III - -Did that truth go back fifteen years, to the time he had met the -kqyres, twenty years to the time he had first seen Lyddy? Or even -further back than that? Did it go back, say, twenty-four years, to the -time when he was sixteen and had killed his stepfather? He could still -see Karl Brodek lying there with his head crushed, could still feel the -terror rising in him at what he had done.... - -Then he had turned and fled the small community on Fairhurst--one of -the Clytemnestra planets--and made for the capital, where he shipped -out on one of the small tramp freighters that voyaged among the planets -of that system. None of the four other planets was human-inhabitable, -but two had mining stations, and one had a native civilization advanced -enough to make trading practicable, though not very profitable. - - * * * * * - -For the next four years, he drifted from one tenth-rate ship to -another, one ill-paid job to another. In all this time, he never left -the Clytemnestra System. As soon as he was satisfied that his former -neighbors were not going to set the law on his trail, he had no desire -to go away. It wasn't place-liking that kept him; it was dread of the -Jump. - -Most spacemen never do quite get over their dread of the hyperspace -Jump, but with Len the dread amounted almost to a mania. He was ashamed -of the feeling, especially since he suspected he'd picked up that -extra dollop of terror from the creatures on the native planet. - -Self-respecting colonials didn't associate with non-humans, but during -those first years of fear that his fellow men were hunting him, he'd -felt safe only with the flluska. He learned a little of their language, -and he spent such spare time as he had on Liman, their planet. He -couldn't breathe the atmosphere, but there were the trading domes; -nobody minded if he used them when there was no trade going on. - -The flluska were a religious people, with gods and demons similar to -those of the terrestrial cosmogonies. Only, while their gods lived -conventionally in the sky, their demons lived in hyperspace. Len was -too unsophisticated himself to wonder how so primitive a people could -have evolved such a concept as hyperspace in their theology. He merely -grew to share their terror of it. - -The year Len was twenty, the _Perseus_, one of the star freighters that -made the long haul from Castor to Capella, found itself in Fairhurst -Station short one deckhand. The man they'd shipped out with was in -jail, waiting to see whether a manslaughter or assault charge was -going to be lodged against him. The ship could not afford to wait. The -station was scoured for a replacement and Len Mattern was the best man -they could find. - -Normally the starships did not take on untrained hands. Even the -lowliest crewman was supposed to have spent a minimum number of years -at the space schools, because in theory, all promotions came from -the ranks, even in the merchant service. But in spite of his lack of -training, they offered him the job. The bigline ships never liked to -sail shorthanded; in case of trouble, that could be a basis for legal -action. - - * * * * * - -Len knew the opportunity offered him was a dazzling one--not only far -more money than he'd ever seen before, but the chance of breaking out -of the system. He was afraid though, terribly afraid. "I've never made -the Jump," he told the second officer in a quavering voice. - -"You'll never be a real spaceman until you do." The second officer was -patient, because he knew Mattern was his only chance of making the crew -up to its full complement. - -"I've heard tell that--things change their shapes in Hyperspace." - -"Maybe they do; maybe it's their real shapes you see out there. Who's -to tell what the truth is?" - -Len licked dry lips and tried again. "They say there're people--beings, -anyway--_living_ in hyperspace." That tale he had heard from spacemen -who had made the Jump. Even if he'd believed in the flluska's -demons, he would have had the good sense not to admit such a -thing to a starship officer--a man of sophistication from the Near -Planets, perhaps even Earth herself. Still, spacemen were notorious -myth-spinners. Perhaps he had made a fool of himself, anyway. - -But the second officer wasn't laughing. "Federation law says we should -have nothing to do with the creatures of hyperspace. If we leave them -alone, they don't bother us." - -It would have been better if the officer had laughed at him and said -there was nothing in hyperspace but space. "Will we see them?" - -"Does a ship going through ordinary space see any of us?" the officer -returned. "The creatures of hyperspace live on their own planets, and -we give those planets a wide berth. Simple as that." He added, "What -are you so afraid of, boy? Not a ship's been lost in hyperspace for -over two centuries, and there haven't been any blowups for years." - -"Blowups?" Len repeated. - -"Accidents. A technical term. You've taken worse risks shipping out in -those tincan tramps." - -Finally, Len gave in--to his own common sense more than to the -officer's--and signed up for the voyage. He filled out the necessary -forms--hundreds of them, it seemed like. When it came to each line for -next of kin, he left a blank on every one. - -"Haven't you any relatives at all?" the second officer asked, surprised. - -"Not a one." Len didn't bother to mention that half-brother back on -Fairhurst; a five-year-old kid isn't much kin to speak of. Besides, the -boy probably didn't even know he had a brother--he'd been less than a -year old when Len left. One of the barren women must have adopted him -and brought him up as her own. - - * * * * * - -So Len Mattern filled out all the papers and was inscribed on the -ship's rolls. And he made the terrible jump through hyperspace for the -first time. - -People who traveled on spaceships only as passengers never could -understand why the Jump was invariably referred to as "terrible." -That was because before the ship made the Jump they'd be given drugs, -in their cocktails, in their food at dinner, or in their drinking -water--and the next day they'd wake up and find they had slept right -through the whole thing, so it couldn't be so awful. Of course those -who traveled around the universe a lot were bound to catch on. Someday -they'd miss a meal or not drink anything and they'd find themselves -awake while the ship was Jumping. But the shipping lines didn't take -any chances and the aberrant passengers would also find themselves -locked in their cabins with smooth metal shutters where the mirrors -used to be. - -But one thing that couldn't be helped: They couldn't be stopped from -looking down at themselves and seeing extra arms and legs; or finding -no arms and legs at all, but tentacles instead; or that their skin had -turned into shining scales or that there was an extra eye in the back -of their head. And when the time came for another Jump, they would -_ask_ to be drugged. - -However, crewmen couldn't be drugged. They had to be awake to tend the -ship. The credo of the Space Service was that you couldn't trust a -machine to itself any more than you could trust an extraterrestrial, a -non-human. If a man wasn't in charge, ultimately everything would go -to pot. That was part of the space tradition, like the primitive axes -that hung on the bulkheads, so a man could smash his way to the modern -fire-fighting equipment. Except, of course, that if fire really broke -out, it would be quicker to press the button that sent the automatic -fire-fighting machines into immediate action. But still the axes hung -there, because they had always hung there--and, like all the metal on -the ship, they had to be kept polished. - -Each time a ship made the Jump, the crewmen stayed awake. They saw -space and time change before their eyes. They saw their own fellows -turn into monsters. It was an awful thing to see, even though they -knew it wasn't actually a change, but a shift to another aspect of -themselves. Worse than the seeing was the _feeling_. It was like being -turned inside out, organ by organ--your heart and your liver and your -guts and all the rest, each carefully turned inside out, the way a -woman takes off her gloves, smoothing each one with great precision. -The hellish part was that it didn't hurt. A man felt as if he were -being twisted and wrenched apart, and it didn't hurt, and it was the -wrongness of that more than anything else that--well, that was why the -pay was so high on the starships. So many of them went mad. - - * * * * * - -All this Len Mattern had heard of and had expected--though no amount -of expectation could have braced him for that kind of reality. But -there was more to it than he had heard, and it was the extra part -that the second officer seemed curiously anxious to deny. "You saw -nobody--nothing at the portholes," he told Mattern after that first -Jump. "You just imagined it." - -Mattern had been a spaceman long enough to be able to distinguish -imagination from reality. Perhaps the creatures of hyperspace did live -on planets, but it seemed they did not breathe the atmosphere of those -planets as human beings breathe air, and so they were not confined -to them. They could move around freely in the starless dusk of their -universe. And, if there was a pact, then they must be intelligent -creatures--though he would have known that anyway, for they spoke to -him. He could hear them through the tight walls of the ship--less in -his ears than his mind--cajoling, entreating, _promising_. And he shut -his ears and his mind, because he was afraid. - -At the end of the voyage, he was offered a permanent berth on the -_Perseus_. "We don't usually take crewmen from the Far Planets," the -second officer said thoughtfully. "They don't have the training needed. -But you're a good deckhand." - -Len waited tensely, not knowing whether he did want the job or not. - -"The universe is opening up and sooner or later we're going to have to -start diversifying our crews, take untrained men, maybe even--" the -officer hesitated--"extraterrestrials. Sometimes training can restrict -a man to the point where he can't think for himself. Main trouble with -untrained men, though, is that often they've got too much imagination. -They think things that aren't true, see things that aren't there." - -"I understand, sir," Mattern said. "I'll keep my imagination stowed -away until it's wanted." - -From then on, he had seen no more at the ports than any of his -properly conditioned mates. - - -IV - -Len Mattern stayed with the _Perseus_ over three years. Gradually, from -things he observed himself, from things his shipmates told him, he -learned what little there was to be known about hyperspace. Everything -was different there from normspace; even the mechanical properties -of things changed. However, Jumping was safe enough, as long as the -spaceships didn't stop. As long as they were only passing through that -other universe, they were, in a sense, not actually there, so that the -elements of which they were composed would not change, although, to the -senses, they seemed to. - -Unless, of course, the ship collided with something. Then everything -became very real. That was what the pact was for--to make sure they -didn't collide. Every spaceship had, locked in the captain's cabin, -charts of that other universe--charts which gave, in normspace terms, -the coordinates of the hyperspace worlds. That way, when a ship made -the Jump, there would be no danger of her materializing inside one -of the alien planets and destroying both. Even touching one of the -hyper-worlds could have a disastrous effect. Only the captains were -ever permitted to see these charts; they would be far too dangerous in -irresponsible hands. - -Len might have grown old in the _Perseus'_ service, if the Hesperia -System hadn't been one of her stops, and if he hadn't seen Lyddy there. - -Hesperia was a small, rose-pink sun surrounded by four planets and the -debris of what once was a fifth. Most solar systems in the Galaxy had -asteroid belts like that; some time later, Len found out why. Three of -Hesperia's four planets were barren rocks. The fourth, Erytheia, was -mostly water, calm water, sometimes blue, sometimes--when the sun was -high--violet-tinged. There was land, a small continent in the north, -where it was always spring, a slightly larger continent in the south, -where it was always summer, and that large island in the west which was -said to have a climate better than spring and summer combined. - -The atmosphere of Erytheia was what they call Earth type--that is, Man -could breathe on it. A very inadequate description, though, because men -could breathe the atmosphere of Ziegler's Planet, too, only sometimes -it almost seemed worthwhile to stop living in order to stop having to -breathe Ziegler's air. Erytheia's atmosphere was gentler and purer -than the air of Earth. The native fruits were edible and the local -life-forms were small and amiable. But there wasn't enough land for the -establishment of a self-supporting colony; it would have bred itself -into poverty within a few generations. - -What else could be done with a small paradise in a remote sector of -space but turn it into a high-class brothel and gambling casino? Only -the very rich could afford to travel so far to look at scenery, and by -the time they reached their destination, scenery wasn't enough. They -wanted some excitement. - -Naturally, the _Perseus_ would stop at Hesperia. Naturally, Mattern -would see Lyddy, who was one of the seven wonders of that system. She -wasn't too many years out from Earth then, and he had never dreamed any -woman could be that beautiful. - - * * * * * - -She was long-necked and slender, unlike the women of the Far Planets, -who were mostly squat-built and bred for labor. It seemed to him he had -seen her before--in a vision, a dream, who knew where? Certainly never -in reality. But he could understand why men would travel light-years -for her. - -The prices she charged were also astronomical. Still, if he put away -his money carefully, in a couple of years he ought to be able to save -up enough for a night with her. It was a goal, and he'd never had a -goal before, even such a small one; everything had been just aimless -drifting. He got a tridi of her and put it up inside the door of his -locker and was happy dreaming of her, even if it meant being kidded -about her by his shipmates. - -When he made the next Jump, he knew for certain that the creatures of -hyperspace not only spoke to him through his mind, but could enter -it and read it if they chose. He felt very naked and vulnerable. Why -couldn't the others on his ship also see the creatures, so that he -would not be the sole focus of their attentions? - -"Do what we ask," the hyperspacers--the xhindi, they called -themselves--said softly, "and you will have enough from just a single -voyage to have her for a week, a month, a year. Do what we ask and you -can have her for all eternity." - -"But all I want is just one night!" he protested. - -And they had laughed, and one with a honey-sweet mind had said, "Is -that _all_ you want, _really_ all?" Then they began naming the things a -man could want--and they certainly seemed to have a full knowledge of -humanity and its most secret desires. - -Afterward, Len had started to think. It _would_ be nice to have Lyddy -all to himself--for a while, anyway. It would be nice to be able -to buy her pretty dresses and jewelry. There were other things that -would also be nice. Maybe he could have his teeth fixed and his leg -straightened. His stepfather had broken it the night his mother died -and it had never set properly. With money, he could do a lot of things. -He hadn't realized there was so much in the universe to be wanted. - -Now his wages began to look as picayune as once they had seemed -large. He could make more elsewhere, he told himself; he might not be -educated, but he had a good mind, plus rapidly dwindling principles. -He didn't need the hyperspacers, though. There were plenty of illegal -ways of making money within the framework of normspace activities. So -he left the secure monotony of the starship to seek an enterprise which -would bring in quick and copious profits. - - * * * * * - -His first step was to go see a rather disreputable acquaintance of his, -Captain Ludolf Schiemann. Schiemann was an ancient spaceman from Earth, -who owned and commanded a ramshackle craft of prehistoric design, held -together with spit and spells. - -Schiemann operated out of Capella IV with cargoes of whatever he could -get. He was able to make a living with the _Valkyrie_ only because -he would take on jobs that no sane skipper would touch. Some were -dangerous; most were illegal into the bargain. The risks were out of -all proportion to the profit, which was why the only helper he'd been -able to get was Balas--a big, powerful man, not old but mad. He'd been -a deckhand on one of the big starships and had broken too early to be -entitled to a pension. - -Mattern had met old Schiemann at a bar in Burdon, the capital of -Capella IV, and had had a few drinks with him whenever the _Perseus_ -and the _Valkyrie_ had happened to hit port at the same time. Schiemann -had a favorite joke he kept repeating over and over: "If you ever get -sick of the _Perseus_, Lennie--sick of good food and hot water and -decent quarters--you can always come to the _Valkyrie_. I'll take care -of you." - -Now Mattern went to him and said he'd like to take Schiemann up on that -offer. - -The old man's pale green eyes protruded even further from his head. -"You want to leave the _Perseus_ for a berth on my ship! You're madder -than Balas!" - -"Not a berth, Pop," Mattern told him. "A share of her--a half share." - -Schiemann grinned. "Now you must think _I'm_ crazy, to hand over half -my ship just like that. Maybe you'd like me to sign her over to you -entirely." And he puffed savagely upon his Venuswood pipe. - -"Look," Len said, "let's not kid ourselves. You're a crook, Pop, but -such a lousy crook that you make it look as if crime really doesn't -pay. And I'll tell you what's wrong with the way you operate. You -have no organization, no system, no imagination. I have 'em all. You -contribute the ship; I'll contribute my know-how. Together, we'll make -a fortune." - -"Modest, aren't you?" the old man jeered. "What kind of know-how do you -get working as a deckhand on a starboat? All right, maybe you're the -universe's best metal polisher, but--" - -"Look, Pop," Len interrupted, "I'll make a deal with you. We work -together for a year. If you don't pull in at least three times the -amount you got before, as just your share, my half of the ship reverts -to you. What could be fairer than that?" - -Schiemann still wasn't convinced that he was not being played for a -sucker. Being what he was, he could never expose himself to a court -battle, no matter how much justice might be on his side in a particular -instance. But he didn't think Len could be so rotten as to figure on -something like that. Besides, the old captain couldn't help liking -the boy. So he agreed, saying as he did so, "I should have my head -examined." But before the fourth voyage was out, he realized that he -had never done a wiser thing in his life. Under Len's direction, the -_Valkyrie_ as a business enterprise was cleaning up. - -Only in relative terms, of course. It took six months, over a dozen -voyages, before Len managed to save enough for that night with Lyddy. -And every time he made the Jump in the _Valkyrie_, the hyperspacers -told him, "One night won't be enough," and the honey-minded one had -insisted, "You must want more than that. You _must_. Who could be -satisfied with so little?" - - * * * * * - -Finally, the night came. It was wonderful, it was ecstasy, it was -everything he had dreamed of--but it was too short. "Good-by, honey," -Lyddy said as he left, "come back and see me again." - -"When you have some more money," she meant. And it was all over. - -For her, not for him. He found he couldn't get her out of his mind. One -night was not enough. The xhindi had been right. Now he wanted her for -his own, for the rest of his life if not for all eternity. - -He had no romantic fancies that she would be willing to go off with him -for the sake of true love and himself alone. He had seen himself too -often in the mirror panel on the door of his tiny cabin, and he looked -there now, with a chill objectivity. Undersized, crippled, pallid with -the unhealthy color that comes from spending too little time in any -kind of sunlight, Len Mattern was twenty-four and looked forty. Not -even an ordinary woman of the planets could love him, let alone a love -goddess. - -But a love goddess who loved money could be bought. However, in -order to win her, he'd need to have really big money. No matter how -efficiently he organized the _Valkyrie's_ operations, the ship was -just a battered old hulk and, in her sphere, could never be more than -small-time. There was only one answer--hyperspace. - -He found Schiemann puffing contentedly at his pipe in the _Valkyrie's_ -control room. "Look, Pop," he said, "we've been wasting our time on -stardust. We have to aim for something big." - -Schiemann looked trustfully at the young man. He had no relatives, so -he had come to think of Len as his son, and, in fact, had made him his -heir. "Whatever you say, Lennie. Figure on breaking out of this sector -and moving in closer to Earth, do you?" - -"Not exactly. We're going into hyperspace." - -"Sure," Schiemann said, blowing a smoke ring. "Can't leave the sector -without passing through hyperspace; that stands to reason. But where -are we Jumping to?" - -Len tried to keep the tautening of his body from becoming apparent. -"We're not Jumping anywhere. We're _stopping_ in hyperspace." - -The pipe dropped from the old man's mouth. He caught it in his hand and -gave a muffled exclamation as the heat burned his palm. Then he looked -at his partner. "Of course you're joking, Lennie." And he arranged his -face for laughter. - -Len shook his head. "No joke, Pop; I'm dead serious. We're going to -take a cargo into hyperspace. To the mem--the mem--oh, hell, I can't -pronounce it--the queen, I guess, of Ferr. That's one of their planets. -She wants Earth stuff, she says, and she promises to do right by us if -we bring it to her. Sounds like a good deal." - - * * * * * - -The silence thickened as the two men face each other. At last Schiemann -got up. "Look, Lennie, I don't make out I'm a saint. I've smuggled -and cheated and stolen. But this I will not do. For the laws of the -Federation, I don't give a damn--men made 'em and men can break -'em--but to go against the laws of nature, that is a different thing." -He turned on his heel and went out of the control room. - -Len went to his cabin and began to pack his gear. As he had expected, -Schiemann interrupted him when he was halfway through. "What do you -think you're doing?" - -"Leaving," Len said. "I'm sick of small-time operations." - -"Leaving me? Just like that? Does our friendship mean nothing at all to -you?" - -"Sure it does," Len told him. "When I get a chance, I'll write." - -The old man's face crumpled. "Look, Lennie, if we did move into one of -the more important sectors, maybe--" - -"You know we wouldn't have a chance there," Len said harshly, to -conceal his true emotions. "The sectors closer in to Earth have bigger, -faster ships, and bigger, tougher men to run 'em. And they wouldn't -like us trying to jet in!" - -"I'd rather take a chance on that than--" - -"We wouldn't _have_ a chance; it'd just be a massacre, with us on the -receiving end. The only way we can break into the big time ourselves is -through hyperspace. We've got to do what's never been done before." - -That wasn't quite true, from what the xhindi had told him, but near -enough. It had been done before, but not very often, and not very -recently. However, it had been done, so it was possible to do. -Otherwise he wouldn't think of chancing it ... or would he? - -"Why do you want money so much, Lennie?" Schiemann asked. "What do -we need the big-time stuff for? It's nice and quiet and practically -secure the way you've got things running for us, almost like we were -honest businessmen. So why go looking for trouble?" - -"If I'd wanted a quiet life," Len said, "I'd have stuck with the -_Perseus_. So don't sing me security." - -The hand that held the pipe was trembling. "Look, Lennie, at least give -me time to think." - -"Okay," Len said. He was, in his way, fond of the old man, but there -were bigger things at stake. He had to have Lyddy; he had to have -money; he had to have ... something he couldn't put a name to, but -desperately important nonetheless. "I'll give you six months." - - * * * * * - -At the end of half a year, Schiemann said no, he positively wouldn't -do it. Len said "Good-by." Schiemann said, "All right, but you'll be -sorry; we'll all be sorry," and gave in. - -So they took the _Valkyrie_, the two of them--and Balas, of course, but -naturally nobody would consult a madman--and headed for hyperspace. -Len knew exactly where to go, even though he had no charts. The -breakthrough he wanted was in their own sector and it had been -carefully marked for him in his mind. - -Schiemann left all the details to him, even the selection of cargo. -Len chose coal. He knew that what the xhindi wanted was normspace -materials, but not precisely what materials. Their normspace value -did not matter, because normspace matter changed to another form of -itself when it got to hyperspace, and that was where the possibility -of enormous profit came in. Something cheap in normspace could become -something quite rare and expensive in hyperspace, and vice versa. The -distribution of elements was different between the two universes; each -one essentially complemented the other. - -There was one hitch: a stable form in normspace could become an -unstable one in hyperspace. Without empiric knowledge, it was -impossible for anyone going from one universe into the other to tell -whether any substance he was carrying or wearing or _was_ would remain -stable. If unstable, it could turn into liquid or gas; it could turn -into energy and blow up; it could cease to be a solid in any one of a -number of ways. - -As if that weren't bad enough, it could also happen that even a stuff -previously proven to be stable in both universes could become unstable, -if there was even the trace of a potentially unstable element, or -if something that, stable in itself, combined with it in unstable -fashion. Such an admixture could be accidental, which was what made -the whole business especially tricky, and what made the reason for the -inter-universe ban necessary. - -The reason why that first load of the _Valkyrie's_ had been coal was -a simple one. Somewhere, Len had read that coal and diamonds were -different forms of the same normspace element, and he'd thought that -might carry over into the other continuum. However, even an education -wouldn't have helped him know what a right first cargo to take would -have been. The xhindi had told him what they did know, but their -terminology was not clear. They spoke his language with outward -correctness but with imperfect conceptualization; he spoke theirs not -at all. Much of what they did know, they appeared to have forgotten, or -only half-learned. - -They managed to make him understand that certain stuffs would be -definitely unsafe; they could not make it clear which stuffs would -be safe, or which they would find most desirable as trade goods. He -gathered that they would be satisfied with anything that came through. -So he chose coal, hoping to make a splendid initial impression. - - * * * * * - -The _Valkyrie_ reached hyperspace. It slowed down. The throbbing of -its creaky engines ebbed to a hum. And it stopped and hung there in -the quiet darkness of utterly alien time and place. Schiemann and -Balas, expectedly, changed their appearance, but he had seen them in -their monster guises before. The coal changed to something pale and -glittering, but not diamonds. Everything remained quiet. The ship's -instruments recorded no temperature change, but it seemed to grow -colder and colder inside her. - -Suddenly, Mattern knew the truth. A trap had been laid for him, and he -had tumbled neatly into it. And the most shameful part was that his own -desires and yearnings--deliberately fostered by the xhindi--had been -the bait. - -He wanted to turn to the horrible thing that Schiemann had become to -scream, "Let's go back!" But he couldn't. Something held tight grip of -his mind. And, looking out the portholes, he saw that the xhindi had -begun to swarm. - -The flickering terror of their appearance became more awesome to him -than it had been at the beginning, when he'd been only a transitory -shadow in hyperspace. Now, although he had no doubt that they were -friendly--indeed, almost ardent in their welcoming--horror chilled him -all over again. He could almost feel the molecules inside his body slow -down as his viscera quivered faintly and then froze into stillness. - -He looked at Schiemann and Balas. Neither of them could, he knew, see -the hyperspacers. Their conditioning back on Earth's space schools -had ensured this. That was the real reason for the schools; any actual -training was incidental. But Schiemann knew the creatures were there, -and so he could sense them. And Balas, too, certainly seemed to sense -something as he stood there, tense and wary and almost _understanding_. -It must be even worse, Len thought, to _know_ the hyperspacers were out -there and not be able to see them. - -"We--we can still go back," Schiemann said in a cracked voice; -apparently the minds outside had not touched his. "Please, Lennie...." - -"No, it's too late!" Mattern cried. Once he went back, he would never -dare return, and all hope of--Lyddy would fade into fog. The thought of -not being able to have her was unbearable. "We can't go back now!" - -The hideous mask that was Schiemann's hyperspace visage contorted, and -drops of liquid flowed where his withered cheeks would have been in -normspace. "Please, Lennie...." - -"I can't," Len said. "Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. It's too late, -now that we've stopped." - -He forced out the words, against objections that seemed to come from -outside him--not objections to Schiemann's knowing the truth, but to -his own admission of it. - -"They're in control," he said. - - -V - -"We bid you welcome to our universe, Mattern," the xhindi said in his -mind. "Come, follow us. We will lead you to the port on Ferr that we -have made ready for you." - -"Will the ship be safe there?" Mattern asked, remembering the further -danger of touching alien substance. - -"As safe as she could be anywhere in this space." And then the -mellifluous one added, "Remember, whatever risks there are, now we -share them with you." - -A point of livid light that danced so Mattern knew it must be alive -led them to the gleaming purple-dark ovoid that was Ferr, then to the -place that had been set aside for the _Valkyrie_. The xhindi had been -right about the port so far as the ship herself was concerned. Probably -they'd had a fair idea of what materials she and her contents were -composed of from the ships that had passed fleetingly through their -space, never pausing to become real. What they could not allow for were -the random factors. - -The ship set down on the "safe" port at Ferr. It made contact with the -glossy alien ground. And, as it did so, Captain Schiemann very quietly -disintegrated. No explosion, no sound. He simply crumbled into a white -powder which slowly drifted away, and then was gone. - -"Coal into diamonds," Mattern found himself saying as he stared at -Schiemann's pipe rolling on the empty corridor floor, "dust unto dust." -When the pipe quivered to a stop, he began to laugh hysterically. - -"So you think it's funny, do you?" a gentle voice said behind him. - -Mattern turned. Balas stood there. - -"I'm afraid that I don't agree," Balas went on with that frightening -softness. "He was good to me, and to you too, Lennie. He was damned -good to the both of us. And this is the way you repay him. It wasn't a -nice thing to do, Lennie." - -Mattern opened his mouth to deny intent, but all that came out was the -bubbling laughter. - -"I know you didn't mean for him to disappear like that," Balas said, -almost kindly. "It's just that I guess you don't care what happens to -anybody but yourself. No, you don't care for yourself even, just the -things you want. You're awful greedy, Lennie--awful greedy." - -His voice was very reasonable. "If I don't do something to stop you, -you'll do the same thing to our whole universe that you did to the -captain. It would be wrong for me to let that happen. So, you see, I -_have_ to kill you. I'm sorry, Lennie, because I like you, but I know -you'll understand." - -And he lunged for Mattern, reaching out the four monstrous arms that -were his in hyperspace, the eye in his forehead brilliant with that -hideous sanity. - -Mattern backed away, still laughing. _If Balas has gone sane_, he -thought, _then perhaps I have gone mad. Only I am still conscious of -everything that's going on: the danger I am in, the way I am behaving. -In fact, I have control over all of myself except my laughter. I know -where we are--Balas and I are locked inside the ship alone together, -and only one of us is coming out alive._ - - * * * * * - -Undoubtedly the xhindi could have passed through the hull or opened the -airlocks in some way, if they had wanted to. But they made no move to -try, merely remained outside, watching. The two humans, in that space -and time, were alone in a small private war of their own. Mattern could -not tell whether the xhindi outside were enjoying themselves, as a -group of humans would have under like circumstances, but he seemed to -sense anxiety for the outcome--not only of that battle but of another, -inner one. _Why, I'm beginning to read their thoughts, too_, he -realized, in the middle of his fear and hysteria. _I am growing closer -to them by the minute._ - -And Balas was getting closer to him. Mattern had a blaster, of course, -but he was afraid to use it. A bolt of alien energy might produce a -reaction that could rip both universes. Yet, bare-handed, he was no -match for the bigger, stronger man. Fortunately, he had never pretended -to be a hero, not even to himself in the saneness of normspace, so -he was able to turn and run. Balas pursued him through the desolate -corridors of the _Valkyrie_, Mattern's laughter echoing crazily in the -emptiness. - -His only hope was to find a hand weapon--or something that could be -used as a hand weapon. And, as he rounded a bend, Mattern saw the -primitive fire axe hanging against a bulkhead, the traditional relic -that all spaceships, large and small, carried and kept burnished and -ready for a use that would never come. But there was another use it -could be put to. - -Instinct made Mattern seize the axe from its hooks on the wall. -Instinct surged up from the handle to fill him with the power and joy -and knowledge to use it. He turned to face Balas' onrush, and his -laughter no longer sounded insane in his ears; it had the triumphant -energy of a primeval war cry. - -The madman's charge was lightning fast, but Mattern was the younger -man by at least a decade. He told himself that he meant only to stun -Balas, but he was conscious all the time that, if Balas were merely -stunned, the problem would be merely postponed. He lifted the axe and -brought it down. And then Mattern was alone, the only human being in an -alien space and an alien time, locked in this ship with the drifting -white dust that had been his friend, and the bleeding corpse that had -been--no, not his enemy, but his friend also, and who had, only minutes -after death, already begun to haunt him. It was then that Mattern -remembered the other man he had killed in the same way. - -Karl Brodek had never haunted him, but that was because Len knew the -killing was justified--it was retribution, not murder. For Len had -seen Brodek kill his mother, not all at once, but little by little. It -was her face that stayed with him always, her blue eyes and her sweet -voice. She'd been the only one he ever had, really--the brother had -been nothing but a wailing blob of protoplasm--and then Schiemann, a -little. Now he was more alone than he'd been in all of his solitary -life. - -He knew that the eerie creatures outside meant him no harm, but would -have liked to comfort him if they could. That made it worse rather than -better. If only there were some tangible enemy to attack, to beat his -fists against ... but the only enemy he could find was the monstrous -form reflected in the mirror of his own cabin. - -He was no longer laughing, he noticed; the fit was over. And so, he -sensed, was the anxiety outside. In some way, he had passed a test. - - * * * * * - -It was then that the xhindi began to speak to him through the hull of -the ship, urging him to come out. "You have come so far," they said, -"and time is a precious and a dangerous commodity. We cannot afford to -waste it, either of us." - -He did not--could not--respond. - -They could have forced him out, but they were kind--or perhaps only -wise. They simply coaxed and waited. After a while, moving stiffly, -as if he had cogs instead of a heart, he opened the airlock and went -outside. He set foot on the dark polished surface of Ferr. But there -was no thrill of strangeness or of triumph or anticipation. There -was ... nothing. His physical senses were all operating. He knew -there was neither gravity nor lack of it. He knew there was no -atmosphere--and he accepted that, not because he accepted the xhindi's -word that he would not need to breathe in this continuum, but because -he didn't care whether or not he breathed; he didn't care about -anything. - -"Come," the xhindi said, in audible words now, and their spoken voices -were as sweet as their mind voices. - -He found himself moving as through a nightmare, as he proceeded -according to their directions, and the xhindi themselves, with their -monstrous grace and musical voices, were a logical part of the black -ballet in which he found himself participating. - -The dignitaries of Ferr, a fantasy procession in the moonlit colors of -hell--smoke and flame and shadow--came to greet him and to lead him -to the mbretersha. She glittered splendidly upon her throne of alien -substance--a monster, of course, in human terms, and yet also a great -lady, as a queen should be in any terms. Through the fog of his own -immediate perception, she reached out and touched him with her dignity -and compassion. - -"I am very sorry," she said, "that such a thing should have happened. I -know you are full of grief for your comrades, and I wish that I could -have postponed our interview. However, I must press you, for the longer -you stay on this world, the greater the risk is for my people." - -Somewhere before, it seemed to him, he had heard her voice--sensed her -mind pattern, anyway. If he had not known that she was the mbretersha, -he would have fancied that hers had been one of the minds that had -spoken to him, the most persuasive of the cajoling creatures that had -sung him their siren songs as he flashed transitorily through their -universe. But, he thought dully, that was impossible. She was the -mbretersha, the queen. - -She read his thoughts, and the pattern of her appearance altered -subtly. It was a warm and kind expression of herself; it was a smile. -"You must learn, Mattern, that the concept of a ruler in this universe -differs from the concept in yours. Here a ruler is the servant of her -people, not their master. It is her obligation to take care of them, -protect them, watch over them--in whatever way seems most fitting to -her. She can have no pride in herself, only in them. They are more than -her children." - - * * * * * - -It was funny, Mattern thought, that she should so easily plan to break -the rules of her universe. A space rat like him--that was one thing; it -was to be expected. But a queen? Now that he was coming back to life a -little, he began to wonder about this again. - -Deftly, she picked the wonder out of his mind and answered it. "Our -Federation, like yours, is an artificial creation. Its laws are no more -than arbitrary regulations, devised by the various peoples of each -universe with regard to the greatest good of the majority, and thrust -upon majority and minority alike." - -Mattern began to understand, or thought he did. "A queen isn't likely -to hold with democracy," he said--though perhaps not aloud. - -She was a little impatient. "It's not a question of absolute power or -divine right--simply that my people come first, even before myself; my -own world is part of me, and I am part of it by nature and instinct. -Its needs are my needs. When my people are hungry, I feel the pangs." - -_Most rulers justify themselves like that_, he thought, keeping his -lips pressed firmly together. _But they all do the same things._ - -But he couldn't keep her out of his mind. "No," she said, "you're -wrong. I was not speaking metaphorically. My nervous system is attuned -to my people's; it is a hereditary trait bred into my family. So being -the ruler is not a pleasant station to occupy." - -It certainly wouldn't be, he thought, if she was telling the truth--to -suffer every pang that was suffered on the planet, and, if the attuning -were psychic also, every sorrow. He expected her to pick the disbelief -out of his mind, but she smiled and went on to tell him about her -planet. - -Ferr was not a large world. Moreover, it was essentially a barren one. -It had been rich only because it had previously engaged in sub-rosa -commerce with Mattern's universe. "And the last traffic was long, long -ago," she told Mattern. "In a day much before mine, when my mother -ruled." - -"What happened? What stopped the traffic?" - -"Our captain died of old age, and we have had trouble finding a -successor to him." - -"Why is it so hard to get somebody else?" Mattern asked bluntly. - -She paused. When she spoke again, it was so obliquely that he did not -realize immediately that it was an answer. "Time was when we had more -contact with your people. There were many who knew of the xhindi, -although few had actually encountered us. It was not difficult for us -to get humans to work with us then. But the barbarians took over your -world and your people lost the knowledge of how to get through to us. -And when they regained it, we were not why they wished to get through. -Much of the problem is in making people believe that we exist." - -He nodded. "The flluska call you demons." - -"There are still some on Earth who call us demons, Mattern. Your rulers -and administrators do not call us demons--no, they are too learned -for that--but your Space Service, by means of divers spells and -conditionings, prevents most of those who pass through hyperspace from -seeing and hearing us. And, of those who do, most are too frightened -for negotiation." - - * * * * * - -She asked with sorrowful archness, "Are we so terrible in your eyes, -Mattern?" - -"I don't know," he said slowly, bewilderedly. "Sometimes you are, -and I know you will be again. But right now, to me you look--almost -beautiful." - -There was silence, and, for a moment, he thought that he had offended -her. - -Then, "Thank you," she said softly. "It is a great compliment." - -He was anxious to know why they had chosen him as their human -representative. "Weren't there any men who did try to get through?" he -asked. - -"A few--a very few--reached this space." She added reluctantly, "Some -of them proved to lack stability of substance--" - -He was angry, at her, and at himself, for not realizing that he had -not been chosen. It had merely been a question of survival. "Then you -_knew_ what could happen to Schiemann!" - -"It could have happened to anyone, Mattern. You knew there were risks -to be taken. We did not conceal that from you." - -And that was true. It had not occurred to him that the risks would not -be equally shared by all three members of the ship's company. - -The mbretersha continued: "And others of those who come through go mad. -We feared that might happen to you, Mattern." - -"Others go sane also," he said. - -"This is the first time that has happened in my experience. But truly, -Mattern, a madman would not seek to reach us." - -"I wonder," Mattern said. "I wonder if anybody but a madman would." - -This time he had displeased her. There was chill silence, and then: -"Time is short. It is best that we return to discussing our business -together. Now we will pay you for the merchandise you have brought us -with a substance which is stable on Earth--at least it was in times -gone by--and which used to become a stuff of considerable value. On -your next trip--" - -"What makes you think there's going to be a next trip? What makes you -think I'm going to come back here again?" He would really have to be a -madman to go through that all over again. - -The mbretersha smiled. "You will come, Mattern," she said. "You will -come when you see how rewarding it is to deal with us. And you will -come because--" - -"Because of what?" he demanded, more sharply than one should address a -queen. - -"Because your kqyres will make sure that you do." The tall, splendidly -illuminated being who stood close to her throne bowed as she introduced -him: "This is Lord Njeri, who served as kqyres with the previous -captain. He will serve with you." - -"Kqyres? What's that?" Apprehension quickened inside Mattern. "And what -right have you to--" - -"Your partner is dead," the mbretersha told him. "Lord Njeri is your -new partner." - - * * * * * - -Mattern stood staring at her. No point protesting further, he knew; he -was on her world, in her power. For the time being, he would have to -obey her. - -"Come, Captain Mattern," said the kqyres. "It is fitting that we -superintend the loading of the ship." - -So they went back to the port and Mattern watched the xhindi fill -the _Valkyrie's_ hold with some queer, spongy-looking substance that -couldn't possibly be of value anywhere. And beside him stood the -kqyres, as he was to be beside him for the next fifteen years. - -"If you are disturbed about my effect upon your people when they catch -sight of me," the kqyres assured the young man, "you may ease your -mind. I shall make myself so that I am barely visible in your universe. -Only those who look for me can see me. You need have no fear," he -added with a sigh. "I have been through all this before." - -"Yeah, that's what she told me," said Mattern grimly. - -"It is disloyal of me, I know," the xhind murmured, "but I had hoped -the mbretersha would not find a human representative before I died. -I am aware of my obligation to my world--but it is not a pleasant -prospect to spend one's last years in exile, however honorable." - -"Don't worry, as soon as we get to normspace, I'll send you back. I'm -not going on with this." - -The kqyres seemed to shrug sadly. "You cannot send me back, for I -am permanently attached to you. Wherever you go, I go--until the -mbretersha chooses to free us, one from the other." - -Mattern couldn't believe that. Once he got out of this alien universe, -none of its laws could apply to him. - -"Secondly," the kqyres informed him, "you will _want_ to come back -here. When you look at the cargo and see what it is, you will want to -come back." He sighed again. "I know your species so well. And I do not -fancy they have changed." - - -VI - -When the _Valkyrie_ reached normspace, her cargo proved to be the -traditional reward--gold. Not the most precious metal in the universe -any more, certainly, but still valuable. What there was in her hold -would come to perhaps as much money as Mattern might, if his luck had -held, have amassed in several decades of operating with Schiemann in -normspace. - -"Well," said the kqyres as Mattern stood goggling at the glowing -bullion, "is the payment just?" - -"Yeah," Mattern grunted, "fair enough." His mind was working busily: -_Captain Schiemann is dead, and so is Balas, so I can't do anything -about that. A man's got to have some kind of business. Why shouldn't I -go on trading with the xhindi, since I seem to be one of the few people -lucky enough to be able to do it? Besides, from what the mbretersha -said, I couldn't get out of it even if I wanted to. So why fight? -Ethics aside, it's a good deal. I'd make more money that way than any -other way. I could see a lot of Lyddy._ - -He caught a flicker in the shifting planes of a grayness that the -kqyres had become, according to promise. - -"I'm thinking the way you want me to think--right, Lord Njeri?" Mattern -asked self-mockingly. - -"You are thinking the way any reasonable being would think." - -Left to his own devices, Mattern would have disposed of the gold as -quickly as he could, and then gone back to Erytheia to spend it all on -a year or so with Lyddy. She came that expensive. - -"And then what would you do?" the kqyres queried. - -"Well, then I'd go out to hyperspace and make more, I guess. I know -it's a little tough on you," Mattern added apologetically, "but you -know how it is; I'm crazy about that woman." - -The kqyres evidently did not know, but he made an effort to understand. -"And, meanwhile, she will go back to--doing what she has been doing, -with other men?" - -Mattern frowned. "Yeah, I guess so." - -"This procedure is acceptable in terms of your culture?" - -"Well," Mattern said, "for women like Lyddy, sure. I mean--oh, -hell--it's hard to explain." - -"But it doesn't disturb you?" - -"All right," Mattern said sullenly, "so it disturbs me. So what can I -do about it?" - -"Would it not be wiser," the kqyres suggested, "for you to wait until -you can get enough money so you can have her for yourself alone? After -all, how long would it take for you to get together a sufficient sum at -that rate?" And the kqyres indicated the gold. - -"You got a point there." Mattern could see that the xhind was right. It -would be a lot more sensible to make a few more trips and get himself -a sizable bankroll before going after Lyddy, so he'd never have to -share her again. Otherwise it would be back and forth, back and forth, -until it sent him off his mental course. - - * * * * * - -So, as soon as he disposed of the gold, he went back with another -cargo, and then another. Waiting for Lyddy wasn't as bad as he thought -it would be, because he could talk to the kqyres about her. He'd -never had somebody he could really talk to; even Captain Schiemann -hadn't really been a companion. The kqyres always seemed interested in -what Mattern had to say. He never talked much about himself, but he -listened patiently to Mattern's description of Lyddy's talents, and -charms, including some which, as a non-human, he could understand only -intellectually, if at all. - -And he didn't only listen, with it going in one ear and out the -other--or whatever the xhindi had instead of ears. He made helpful -suggestions, such as maybe Mattern ought to fix himself up a little -before going back for Lyddy. - -"I know she is to be--bought," he said, as if he still didn't quite -understand what that meant, "but would you not derive greater pleasure -from your purchase if you knew you were a man whom a woman could like -for his own self?" - -Len was silent. He knew the kqyres couldn't understand human concepts -of beauty; he had taken Len's own word that the young man wasn't much -of a specimen, that his body and his teeth were crooked and his skin -bad, his vision defective and his hair drab. Lyddy deserved something -better than that; Len knew it himself. Even if she would go with him -for the sake of the money, it wasn't the same thing. - -"I could get my teeth fixed up in this sector," he said at last, "but -I'd need to go to the Near Planets, maybe even Earth, to have my leg -fixed. It'd take a long time and passage costs a hell of a lot. People -don't go that far just for a junket, you know. For most of 'em, it's a -once-in-a-lifetime deal." - -"Of course," Njeri said. "Your wealth is dearly won; you wouldn't want -to squander it. However, wouldn't a considerable economy be effected if -you went in your own ship?" - -"The _Valkyrie_!" Len was shocked into laughter. "She'd never make it -to Earth! She'd crumple up like an old paper bag!" - -"She will not last much longer, in any case," said Njeri. - -Len had been thinking that himself for some time--wondering how soon he -would have no ship left at all, and what he would do then. - -"It would be wise," the kqyres suggested, "for you first to get enough -money to pay for a new ship. Only a few more trips should be necessary. -Then go to whatever planet you deem most suitable for the necessary -improvements, and finally return to Lyddy--a man worthy not only of her -but of any woman." - -"It'll take so long," Mattern said, tempted, and yet driven wild by the -idea of Lyddy, so close to attainment. - -"At your age, what are a few more trips?" - -Len gave in. - - * * * * * - -Actually, it took five trips into hyperspace merely to pay for the new -vessel, a much larger and more elaborate model than Len had planned -on buying. "In the long run," his partner told him, "the best is most -economical. A sound, spaceworthy vessel such as this one will last out -your lifetime. And you can call her the _Hesperian Queen_, after Lyddy." - -"Why?" Len asked. "Is that what Lyddy is short for?" - -"It is the same as naming it after her," the kqyres said shortly. "Only -it's a little more subtle." - -"Oh." Somehow the kqyres made Len feel stupid, _uncouth_ almost, -even though he was the human being and the other nothing but -hyperextraterrestrial. - -The treatments were even costlier than anticipated, and it took many -more trips to pay for them. Expenses were increased by the fact that he -had to commute back and forth from his sector of space to the planet -where he was being treated, since he couldn't afford to neglect his -business now that his costs were mounting. - -He had his leg straightened on Earth. That world was as colorful, -as complex, as intoxicating as it was claimed to be. One series of -marvels after another presented themselves before his inexperienced -eyes like scenes in a vision show--except that he was actually there, -breathing, tasting, feeling a part of this vast sophistication. Earth -had many beautiful women, and he enjoyed the favors of those in Lyddy's -profession, but only to prove to himself that she was much more -wonderful. - -He decided there was no point bothering with the other planets; he -might as well have his teeth and everything else taken care of on -Earth, too. "Very wise of you," the kqyres approved. "The best is -always the soundest, and, hence, most worth waiting for. Like Lyddy." - -"Yes," Mattern agreed, "she is the best. And the most beautiful." - -"Of course," the kqyres said. "Tell me more about her." - -And Mattern talked, far into the night. What he couldn't remember of -her by now, he imagined, so that the picture should be complete, not -only for the xhind but for himself. - -When his leg and his teeth had been fixed, "Why stop at that?" the -kqyres asked. "If it had not been for the way that stepfather of -yours treated you as a child--" for Len had found himself telling his -companion not only about Lyddy but about everything--"you would be -a fine-looking man today. It would be no difficult task to have you -restored to what you should rightfully be." - - * * * * * - -Mattern would not, of course, do such a thing out of vanity. But the -more presentable he made himself, the more he would be offering Lyddy. -So it would be worth the extra time, especially since he could spend -so much of it on Earth. Lyddy had come from Earth; it would be a bond -between them later. - -Doctors and cosmetologists got to work on him. Each treatment seemed -to be lengthier than the preceding one, and more expensive. He could, -however, easily afford it--all he had to do was make more trips. The -kqyres not only told him what cargoes to take but advised him on the -investments to make with his profits. - -They did very well together. As far as Mattern was concerned, they -did fabulously well, because he had to make enough on his side to -counterbalance the entire expenses of a planet on the other. The -thought impressed him. _I am, in a sense, equal to the mbretersha_, he -thought, _and she is a monarch._ As a result, he walked a little more -erect than even the operations had rendered him. - -The dangers of his trade grew less and less frightening as he came to -know his way between the universes, even though, at the same time, he -began to realize how great those dangers were. He had not conceived -of their immensity before. The reason there were asteroid belts in so -many of the solar systems, he learned now, was that the xhindi had -traded with other intelligent races in earlier eras, and there had been -accidents. Those races were now extinct. - -The xhindi themselves ceased to be monstrous in his eyes. He grew to -accept their appearance as perfectly natural in their universe. Toward -the kqyres, he came to feel something of what he had felt toward -Schiemann, except that where Schiemann had looked up to him and relied -on him, he found himself increasingly dependent on Njeri. He told him -all his hopes and ambitions, and the kqyres listened attentively. -Mattern tried to explain to him how he himself felt about Lyddy, and -the kqyres tried to understand. - -The kqyres taught Mattern how to play chess. "But that's our game!" -Mattern said. "I mean we play it in our universe!" - -"In ours also," the xhind smiled. "Who knows whether it came from our -universe to yours, or yours to ours? Nor does it matter. It is an old -game and a good one." - -Mattern became increasingly skillful at it. He was pleased that there -was an intellectual activity in which he could engage as an equal with -the kqyres, and the kqyres seemed pleased, too. - - * * * * * - -When the treatments were over, Mattern looked in a mirror. He was -straight; he was handsome. His skin was clear, his eyes bright. He -looked less than his age. Now he could go back to Lyddy, assured that -most women would find his physical appearance more than acceptable. - -But he found himself hesitating. Only his physical appearance would be -truly acceptable. There was something still lacking in him. His body -was right, but the way he stood, the way he moved, the way he spoke, -all these were wrong. - -"I'm not finished yet," he said stumblingly to the kqyres, "not quite -straightened out. I ought to be more--well, more smooth." - -"You do lack polish," the kqyres admitted, "although you are far less -awkward, shall we say, than when we first met." - -"That's because of you, Njeri!" Mattern declared, with genuine -gratitude. "You've taught me a lot!" And he looked at his outlandish -friend with a great affection. - -The kqyres seemed quite moved; he flickered like a pin-wheel. "You have -been an exceedingly apt pupil, Mattern. When first I saw you, I did not -think it possible that I should ever consider you a companion. However, -I have found myself taking an increasing pleasure in your company. -Sometimes I even forget you are a human." - -Mattern could not speak; he was so overwhelmed by the tribute. - -"The passage of time disclosed to me that there were sensitivities -and perceptions beneath that--forgive me, but we know how misleading -first impressions can be--boorish exterior. The very fact that you are -conscious of your own deficiencies _proves_ that you are more than the -mere clod you still, on occasion, seem to be--" - -"Can't I improve myself that way, too?" Mattern asked plaintively. -"Can't I make myself worthy of Lyddy in every way?" - -"Of course you can," the kqyres beamed. "Were you to apply yourself -specifically to the acquisition of culture, I am sure you could become -as polished as any human being can hope to be. But it will take time." - -"Well," Mattern said, "Lyddy's waited so long, she can wait a little -longer. Things worth having are worth waiting for." - -Under Njeri's tutelage, Mattern cultivated the arts and the amenities. -As he used his ship for a permanent residence, it was there that he -housed his growing collection of costly rare objects of art, and his -library, notable for its first editions--not only of tapes, but of -books. His uniforms were cut by the best terrestrial tailors and he -took kinescope courses in the liberal arts and social forms from the -outstanding universities of Earth. The provincial twang vanished from -his speech; he developed a taste for wine and conversation. Nobody, -seeing him, could ever have fancied him once a poor wizened space rat. - - * * * * * - -As the years went by, he grew to become as much of a ruler in his way -as the mbretersha in hers. She ruled one planet, he told himself, but -he had a business empire farflung over many planets--all of which, to -some extent, he did rule through his investments. He would have worlds -to lay at Lyddy's feet now, he thought complacently. No man could offer -any woman more. - -The first _Hesperian Queen_ didn't have a chance to last out his -lifetime; he kept trading her in for another and yet another model, as -better, faster, more luxurious starships were developed. Finally, he -outbid the Federation Government itself for plans of the latest-model -spacecraft. When the government protested, he graciously gave them -copies free of all charge. "I merely wanted to be sure that I had the -best ship available," he explained. "I have no objection to your having -it also. But I knew that you could not afford to be as generous as I -can." - -He never had more than one ship, because it was too dangerous to -run more than one cargo at a time. His crew was always as small in -number as possible. He would have preferred none at all; actually, -all spaceships could run themselves, for the controls were completely -automatic. But regulations said there had to be a crew, both for the -sake of "face"--many extraterrestrials couldn't seem to recognize -the authority of machines--and because a power failure was not -inconceivable. - -So the _Hesperian Queen_ carried four men. And, whenever she made -the Jump through hyperspace, even the crew--though conditioned on -Earth--was drugged. Mattern carried on alone. And if, when the crewmen -awakened, they found that a day had passed when only an hour should -have gone by, they knew better than to ask questions. - -So the years went by--busy, pleasant, profitable years. The image -of Lyddy was always before him, inspiring him to further efforts. -_Someday soon I will go back to her_, he would tell himself. On his -latest birthday, he looked in the mirror closely. At twenty-four, he -had appeared forty; at forty, he could have passed for thirty. Sixteen -years had gone by since that night with Lyddy. Now he was worthy of her -or anyone. - -"I think it's time I went back for her," he told the kqyres. - -"For whom?" the kqyres asked; then added hastily, "Oh, yes, of course, -Lyddy. We'll do that right after we come back from the Vega System. -There's a little Earth-type planet out there--" - -"_Before_ we go to Vega," Mattern interrupted. "Now." - -"But why the hurry? You've waited so long already--" - -"I've waited too long. I'm not young any more." - -"Neither is she," observed the kqyres. "Perhaps she is too old now, -Mattern." - -"She can't be too old," Mattern said. The tridi in his locker was -Lyddy, and the picture was young; therefore, Lyddy must still be young. - -"She may have married someone else. She may have numerous children -clustering about her knee." - -"Then I will take her away from her husband and children," Mattern -declared. "Can you imagine that a little thing like that would stop -me?" - -"She may have lost her beauty," the kqyres said. "She may have left -Hesperia. She may have suffered a disfiguring accident." - - * * * * * - -Mattern realized then that Njeri was deliberately trying to keep him -from going back to Lyddy. Either he felt that she would interfere with -the smooth operation of their business, or he was jealous of a third -intruding into their company. - -"I have done everything I did for the sake of winning Lyddy," Mattern -said, biting off the words. "If all hope of her is gone, then my -whole reason for working with you is gone. I will never go back to -hyperspace." - -"There are other women--" - -"Not for me!" - -"The business itself means nothing to you?" There was an aggrieved note -in the kqyres' voice. - -"It's just a living," Mattern said, "just a way of getting Lyddy. You -know that was why I went into it. I thought you'd been listening to me -all these years." - -"I thought perhaps with the deepening of your interests--" - -"They have only made me love her the more profoundly." - -The kqyres took the equivalent of a deep breath. "You do not have a -house or any regular place of residence. You cannot expect a lady to -live permanently on a spaceship." - -"I will build her a house." - -"Will it not show her how carefully you have prepared for her if, -first, you build her a palace worthy--" - -"I have no time to build palaces." - -"There is a tiny planet that circles the dim sun you call Van Maanen's -star," the alien persisted. "It is always twilight there. The beings -who live on that planet build crystal towers miles high and as fragile -as spun glass, in dusk colors the rainbow never dreamed of." - -"If she wants a crystal tower, I will have one built for her. But first -I will ask her." - -"Very well," the kqyres sighed, "since nothing else will satisfy you, -let us return and fetch her." - -And when they got to Erytheia City, Lyddy was still there, not only -unmarried, but--in spite of all the years--unchanged. - - -VII - -And now Mattern had been her husband for several months. He had begun -to know her, and he realized that she could never be let known the -truth about his life and his work. She would be frightened, and, if -there was any emotion left over in her, angry. - -He told the kqyres: "I've been thinking of taking Lyddy to Burdon. She -might find distractions there that will take her mind off--things it -shouldn't be on. What do you think of the idea?" - -"I cannot tell," the kqyres replied doubtfully. "I have a curious -feeling...." - -"That _what_?" Mattern prompted him anxiously. It was the first time he -had seen the kqyres definitely at a loss, although it had seemed to him -of recent months that the xhind's assurance was beginning to ebb. - -"... that I am getting too old for my work," the kqyres finished. - -"Nonsense!" Mattern cried. The kqyres was his tower of strength; he -_would_ not conceive of any weakness in him. It would mean that he -would be forced to rely upon himself. _And yet_, he thought, _I am -certainly old and experienced enough by now to begin relying upon -myself. In fact, I'm getting a little old and tired, too._ - -"You know," he said to his partner, "maybe we both ought to retire." - -"What do you mean?" - -"You've been at this long enough and I've got all the money I want. -We can see each other sometimes; no reason why I couldn't go into -hyperspace just to visit." - -The kqyres paled to pearl. "Now that you have Lyddy, you don't want -anything else at all?" - -"Now that I have Lyddy, what else is there to want?" - -The kqyres flickered anxiously. "But the mbretersha has commanded--" - -Mattern smiled. "Her commands don't hold good in this universe. You -know that. When I was a kid, she could fool me into believing she had -a hold over me. But the hold is a psychological one; that's the only -thing that could carry over from universe to universe. And I'm strong -enough to break it now." - -Although he was not quite serious, it might be, he thought, that the -hyperspace trade and the trips to Ferr had spoiled him for everyday -life, made him too restless for the mundanities of any world. And it -was time for him to settle down now. - -He let the kqyres win the game, and then he stood up. "I'd better start -getting things ready for the trip to Burdon." - -"You've definitely decided to go?" - -"Yes," Mattern said, pleased with himself, "definitely." - -He went to the control room and got out the forms that would need to -be filled out before the ship could leave port. Suddenly he remembered -his puzzlement about the young spaceman--what was his name?--Raines? He -pressed a button on the file, and the boy's records flashed up at him. -At first they seemed to be in order: _Alard Raines, aged twenty-five, -educated on Earth_, well and good. But _born on Earth_ ... Mattern was -almost positive that could never have been, not from the way the young -man spoke. And one false statement meant that the whole record was -false. - -However, he could not challenge the discrepancy before they left for -Capella. If he spoke to Raines, he'd probably have to dismiss him -then and there. It would be difficult to find a suitable replacement -in Erytheia City. He might have to send for someone from Earth, which -would take months, perhaps a year. First he'd take the _Queen_ to -Burdon, he decided, and then he would fire Raines. - - * * * * * - -Nearly three weeks went by before they could leave. Mattern found -himself looking forward with some impatience to Burdon. When Lyddy had -a house of her own that she could take an interest in, he told himself, -things would be different; she would be different. This way she was -bored much of the time, and boredom is contagious. - -"I've 'vised ahead to Capella, dear," he told her as they boarded ship, -"and rented a furnished multiplex, so we'll have some place to stay." - -"Yes, honey," she said, with a strange lack of interest. She -didn't even seem surprised at the size of the ship. Underneath her -elaborate makeup, she was pale; her body was trembling. She saw that -an explanation was necessary. "It's been so long since I made the -Jump. Silly of me to be so nervous, but you do hear things about -hyperspace...." - -"You're safer in my ship than anywhere else." - -"Yes, I know." Was she merely expressing trust in him, or was there -more to her words than that? - -At first he was just vaguely suspicious. Then, the second day out, he -noticed that Lyddy and Raines seemed to be together a good deal more -of the time than chance would account for, and his suspicions secured -a focus. The two had some kind of unspoken understanding, he thought, -watching them as much out of curiosity as anger. _I have become chilled -with the years of alien company_, he thought. _I am incapable of true -passion; perhaps that is what she seeks in another._ - -But, though he might find excuses for her, he would not condone her. -A bargain was a bargain. At the end of the first week, he said to her -one evening, as he sat on the edge of the bed, watching her brush her -long, thick gilded hair, "Darling, I'm a little worried about one of my -crewmen." - -Lyddy didn't turn from the jeweled dressing table he'd had especially -installed for her. "Which one?" she asked. - -"Young Raines. Do you know which he is?" - -"Yes." She paused. "There's only one young one. Why are you worried -about him? Do you think he's sick or something?" But that was the -question she should have asked _before_ asking the man's identity. - -Mattern let a moment elapse, then said, "His papers appear to be -forged." - -He glanced at the reflection of her face, but it held neither relief -nor fear, merely its usual sweet emptiness. "Maybe he needed a job real -bad," she said. - -"Maybe," her husband agreed, "but why use forged papers?" - -"He might of gotten into some kind of trouble--you know how boys are." - -"I'd hardly care to employ the kind of spaceman who gets into trouble -serious enough for him to lose his papers. You have to do something -pretty drastic to get them taken away, you know." - -She said nothing. - - * * * * * - -He went on, "What I'm beginning to suspect is that he isn't really a -trained spaceman at all, that he didn't go to any of the Earth space -schools." - -"Do you have to go to an Earth space school to be a spaceman? Can't -you study somewhere else?" - -"Earth's the only place where they give the conditioning." He told the -truth, figuring she wouldn't understand. - -She turned to look at him. "That's so the men shouldn't--see the things -outside when they go through hyperspace, isn't it?" - -Mattern was somewhat taken aback. "How did you know? It's not public -information." - -She shrugged and turned back to the dressing table. "I've known a lot -of spacemen, hon." - -Her face was pale, but why just now? He wondered just what Raines had -told her--how much the boy actually knew. Naturally there could be only -one possible reason he had chosen Lyddy as his confidante. - -"There's something between you and Raines, isn't there?" he asked. - -There was a slight delay. Then her laughter shrilled through the cabin. -"Don't be silly, hon; I hardly know the man! All I've done was speak -to him a couple of times!" She got up and put her soft arms around her -husband. "You're jealous, Len," she said, and there was complacency -mixed with the fright in her eyes. - -He felt a pang of disgust, but tried not to let it show. Gently, he put -her away from him. - -"But that's so silly," she murmured. "How could I prefer a dumb pimply -kid to you?" - -In theory, that was quite true, but Len knew women had strange tastes. -And possibly "a dumb pimply kid" _had_ more to offer her emotionally -and, in reverse, intellectually, than he had. It was not impossible -that she was telling the truth, but Mattern could not, of course, -believe her. And there was no point in making a further issue of it -now. When they reached Burdon, he would fire Raines simply on the basis -of the forged papers. No need to bring Lyddy into it at all. So that -problem would be easily solved, but what of the others? - -He went to play chess with the kqyres. "I trust you have got over your -whimsical notion to retire," the xhind said hopefully. - -"No," Len told him maliciously, "I've practically made up my mind to -quit. There doesn't seem to be any point to it any more." - -"The woman _has_ changed! That's the whole trouble, isn't it? Even -though it's not apparent, in some way she has changed?" - -"No," Len said again, "she hasn't changed at all. In fact, I think -that's what the trouble is. She hasn't changed, but _I_ have." - -"I never thought of that," the kqyres confessed. - - * * * * * - -The night of the Jump, Mattern turned in at the kqyres' suggestion. -"For once, your men can take care of the ship," the xhind said, "since -there will be no trading stop." Lyddy would be drugged, but Mattern -would not need drugs, for hyperspace held no more horrors for him. Or -so he thought. - -But that night he was awakened by the sound of a screaming so hideous -that, if he hadn't known voices don't change during the hyperjump, -he would be tempted to think it was one result of the law of -mutability--so monstrous were these shrill, worse-than-animal cries. - - * * * * * - -He rushed out of his cabin. - -In the corridor stood Lyddy, still screaming, her face contorted with -terror that only the sight of Alard Raines standing there in his normal -shape let Mattern know that they had already passed the Jump. - -The shrieking separated into words. "I saw it! It was horrible!" And -she made an ugly noise in her throat. "You were right, Alard. It's -true! There's a monster on board and it did something _awful_ to -me...." Her voice ebbed to a bubble as she looked down at her body -beneath the thin veil of fabric and found the same voluptuous curves -she had started out with. - -Mattern sighed. "Better come into my cabin, Lyddy." And then he jerked -his head at Raines. "You come, too." He paused in the doorway when he -saw there was no need for privacy. "Where are the other crewmen?" - -"Asleep," Raines said. "Drugged. As usual. Who do you think you're -fooling, anyway?" - -Mattern was too disturbed at the news to take notice of the boy's -manner. "But they weren't supposed to be drugged this trip! And who's -in charge then? _You?_" - -Raines flushed and struggled to pronounce the word he wanted to use in -return. "Your kek--kqyres, I'd say, is in charge. Like he always has -been," he concluded triumphantly. - -Mattern shut the cabin door behind the three of them. Lyddy went over -and sat down on the edge of the bunk, quieter now that she found her -personal transformation had been ephemeral. Seeing a monster is not, -after all, anywhere near as bad as being a monster. Her fright dimmed -and was outshone by a strong sense of personal injury. - -"I thought all Alard's talk of kek-kek-monsters was just superstition," -she babbled, "but it's _true_. I saw that thing with my own eyes and -it's _hideous_! Len, _why_ do you have it on board, especially when -_I'm_ here?" - -"I have to," Len said. "He's my partner." - -Her blue eyes widened in shock. "Then you've been doing more than just -_trading_ with the hyperspacers. You've been _associating_ with them, -and they're even worse than extraterrestrials because they're so much -more--extraterrestrial!" - -She went on talking in this vein, but Mattern ignored her and turned -his attention to the boy. "I suppose you told her not to eat or drink -anything so she'd see the hyperspacer?" - -Raines nodded, his face essaying contempt but imperfectly concealing -terror. - -"And I suppose you yourself did the same thing, not knowing the men -weren't going to be drugged this trip?" Len sat down behind his writing -table and looked thoughtfully at the young man. "You must have done the -same thing before, on other trips, to know as much as you seem to. You -must have heard and seen a great deal, eh?" - -"Plenty," Raines said, through brave, stiff lips. "Plenty." - -_Obviously the boy hates me_, Mattern thought. _But why? Is Lyddy -enough reason?_ - - * * * * * - -"Why did you bring her into this?" he asked, almost mildly. - -Lyddy didn't give Alard a chance to answer. "Because he wanted me to -see you as you really are!" she shrieked. - -The boy shuffled his feet. "I had to tell somebody." - -"Why my wife, though? She owes you nothing; she owes me everything. -The first woman of the streets you picked up would have made a safer -confidante." - -"Maybe I trusted her." - -"Maybe you had no right to trust her!" Mattern cried, almost with -sincerity. "It would have been wrong of her not to tell me." - -"Maybe it was because I--I love her," Alard said, looking down at the -thick rugs that covered the cabin floor. "If you fall in love with -somebody, you tell them things." - -Mattern couldn't help smiling. "I never do," he said. - -"Maybe you've never been in love. Maybe you don't have any human -feelings at all." - -There was an uncomfortable feeling in Mattern's shoulders, as if his -tailor had made a mistake for once. Had he, during sixteen years of -alien trade, changed into something not quite human? Was there then a -solid basis for the anti-extraterrestrial prejudice? He picked up a -slender, sharp thike and ran his thumb absent-mindedly along the blade. -Alard stiffened in his effort not to flush. - -Mattern smiled and laid the thike down on the table. It was only a -paperknife and had never been used for anything more. If he ever had -need for such a thing to be done, the time was long past when he would -have needed to do it himself. He looked at the crewman. - -"One would almost think you told my wife because you wanted her to tell -me," he suggested. - -"That's ridiculous!" Alard flashed. "I may be a fool, but not that much -of a fool!" - -"Why are you on my ship with forged papers then?" Mattern demanded. - -"I wanted--I wanted to bring you to justice." - -"By committing a crime yourself? Surely a roundabout way. And why have -you taken it upon yourself to help rid humanity of me?" - -"Why shouldn't I?" Alard asked. "I'm a human being; isn't that enough? -But, as a matter of fact, that wasn't the reason I came to your ship. I -only found out later what you were doing." - -Mattern waited patiently. - -"You killed my father!" the boy burst out. And then tension seemed to -ebb from him, as if the worst had happened. "So now you know who I am!" - -Mattern picked his words delicately. "If you have proof that I murdered -your father, why don't you prosecute? There's no statute of limitation -on murder on any of the planets. Or don't you have proof?" - -Alard's voice broke slightly. "Everybody on Fairhurst knows you killed -him, but they won't do anything about it. They say he deserved what he -got." - - * * * * * - -Mattern sighed, knowing now who the young man was. His brother. Another -responsibility, another vain tie. "How do you know, he didn't deserve -what he got?" Mattern asked. - -Suddenly Alard grew shy. He lowered his eyes to the rug again. "Because -_I_ didn't deserve what _I_ got." - -And there, Mattern thought, Alard had him. Whatever the boy was now, -he certainly had not deserved what he'd got then. _But I was only -sixteen_, Mattern argued with himself; _how could I have been held -responsible?_ And then he told himself, _You haven't been sixteen for -twenty-four years._ - -"I thought one of the women in the village would have adopted you," he -said. - -"One of 'em did. They took me away from her after she beat me so hard -she practically killed me. Every little thing I did wrong, she said it -was the bad blood coming out in me, and beat me so hard the blood did -come. I went from one family to another, but nobody really wanted me." -His voice cracked wide across. "You don't know what it's like to grow -up with nobody caring for you!" - -"It so happens I do," Mattern said, "but I can't expect you to believe -me." - -Alard wasn't interested in Mattern's life story; he wanted to wallow in -his own in front of a captive audience. "The only hope I had was that -you would come back for me some day. They told me you were probably -dead, but I wouldn't believe it, see? It was all I had to hang onto." - -"I thought you were part of a family," Mattern tried to defend himself. -"I thought you belonged to somebody." He almost convinced himself that -this was true, but, at the back of his mind, something whispered, _You -ditched him._ - -"When I was sixteen, like you'd been, I ran away to look for you. I -found out where you'd gone and I followed. I even stayed a while with -the flluska. I liked them better than my own people. They said I should -try looking for you in hyperspace." - -"They are a very wise people," Mattern said. - -Alard hadn't had his brother's luck. None of the great starships -offered him a berth. But there were unchartered vessels--smugglers and -pirates and worse--that would hire anybody who didn't value his life -very highly and knew how to keep his mouth shut. He got jobs on them. -And as the bandit ships he sailed on took Jumps closer and closer in to -the more sophisticated sectors, Alard began to hear of a Len Mattern. -It took him a long time before he could bring himself to believe that -this king of finance was the brother whom he had imagined finding -derelict and penniless. Instead, he was rich and oblivious, not needing -anything the younger man could give him. - -It was then that Alard determined revenge. It took him years to save up -enough money to buy the false papers he needed--more years to buy his -way into Mattern's crew. And, finally, he had achieved his end; he was -there. - - * * * * * - -"But you've been with me almost a year now," Mattern pointed out, "and -done nothing except talk to Lyddy against me. What were you planning to -do?" - -"I don't know," the boy said hopelessly. "Lots of times I thought of -killing you, but then I'd be killing the only relative I had." - -"You could have told me who you were. I'd have done something for you." - -Alard's eyes blazed. "Yes, you _would_ have. When it's easy, when it -wouldn't mean a damn thing to you, you'd do something for me!" - -Len pulled out a smokestick and offered it to the boy. Alard shook -his head impatiently. Len lit one for himself. Neither of them said -anything. - -Lyddy was sobbing softly. "You never really loved me," she whimpered. -"It was just a way of getting back at Len." - -Alard looked away from her, met his brother's eye, and dropped his gaze -to the rug, without denying the impeachment. - -Mattern exhaled smoke. "All right, you had a grudge against me, but -what did you have against her? If you _were_ using her to get back at -me, then I think you have no cause to reproach me for anything I did. -Maybe your foster-mother was right; there _is_ bad blood in the family." - -The young spaceman was still silent. - -Lyddy lifted her head. There was resolution on her tear-smudged face. -"I'm going to leave you, Len! I can't go on living with a man who does -the awful, evil, _unnatural_ things you do...." Her voice petered out -as her vocabulary proved unequal to her emotions. _Poor Lyddy_, he -thought. And then, _Poor Len, with emotions unequal to his vocabulary._ - -"Everything I did, I did for your sake, Lyddy," he told her softly, but -no longer with any hope of her comprehension. "It was because I was -poor and couldn't afford your love that I went into hyperspace." He -couldn't help adding, "Doesn't it mean anything to you that I risked a -whole universe for your sake, and that now I have worlds to offer you?" - -"Don't put the blame on _me_, Len Mattern!" Angry tears stood in her -eyes. "I never wanted anybody to do _that_ much for me. All I wanted -were nice things and somebody to take care of me and maybe love me. I -never wanted to have the whole universe risked for me." Her voice broke -on the truth. "Nobody's worth all that!" - -She was right, he thought--being given too much can be worse than -being given too little. The words spilled out of her; he'd been -so disenchanted by her stupidity that he gave her credit for less -understanding than she did have. - -"You wouldn't've been able to wait fifteen-sixteen years for me if you -really loved me. But you were _happy_ the way you were--you and that -extraterrestrial of yours. All you wanted was to dream about me. You -were a fool ever to have come back for me; you shoulda stuck with your -dreams." - - * * * * * - -And again, he knew, she was right. He felt very tired and empty, -the way he'd felt after Schiemann and Balas had died, as if nothing -mattered any more. He didn't argue with her. - -"What would you do if you left me, Lyddy?" he asked gently. - -"I can always--" she swallowed--"go back to my old job, I guess." - -Alard gave an exclamation of horror, and Mattern agreed in his mind -that that solution would never do. Beyond a doubt, she was his -responsibility. And so was Alard. Why had he ever longed for a family? - -And then an outside mind joined in with his and he knew what to do. - -"Alard," he said, "before, I offered to do something for you. Now I'm -not going to do anything for you, not a damn thing." - -Alard drew himself erect. "I wouldn't expect you to, see? Even if you -wanted to, I wouldn't take--" - -"I want you to do something for me," Mattern cut in. - -Alard paled, then flushed with anger. "If this is some half-baked way -of thinking you can make up for things without me feeling--" - -"Hear me out before you leap to conclusions. You said that you loved my -wife...." - -Lyddy gave a moan. "You know he was only stringing me along to get back -at you." - -"He wouldn't have done that," said Mattern. "Not a fine, upstanding -boy like Alard, no matter how much he hated me. You really love Lyddy, -don't you, Alard--as you said before?" - -The boy looked frightened. "Only in a manner of speaking," he said -quickly. "I was trying to make you jealous. I think of her as a -sister--a sister-in-law." - -"She's very beautiful," Mattern reminded him. And the xhindi _had_ done -their work well. She hadn't changed; they had preserved her for him -just as she had been sixteen years before. If only they had let her -change, then things might have worked out. They could have kept the -body from growing old without holding back the mind--or had they not -held back the mind? Was this the fullest maturity it was capable of? - -"A man who has her as his wife should be very happy," Mattern pointed -out. "You wouldn't want her to go back to what she'd been doing, and -she won't stay with me." - -"Yes, sure." There was a desperate note in the boy's voice. "But she's -not young. I mean for me--although, of course, she _looks_ young," he -added, with a wild glance in her direction. "And she's not very--she -isn't--" - -Mattern got up and put his hand on his brother's shoulder. "Then if you -feel that way about her and do as I ask, it will really be a favor to -me." - -"Why should I do you a favor?" Alard demanded. His eyes darted back and -forth like an animal that is beginning to realize it is caught in a -trap. - -"To prove you're the better man," Mattern told him. "To heap coals of -fire on my head. To prove that if there's bad blood in the family, it -exists only in me." - -Alard didn't ask what Mattern wanted him to do. He knew already. - - * * * * * - -Mattern put it into words: "I want you to take her with you." - -"Take her," Alard repeated numbly. "Where?" - -"Anywhere she wants to go--to Earth or back to Erytheia, or any one of -the planets she chooses." - -"Will she go with me?" Alard challenged. "You have to ask her; she has -the right--" - -"Oh, I'll go with you, Alard," Lyddy interrupted joyfully. "I'd go with -anybody right now, but especially you." - -"Even if you know I love you only as a sister?" - -"That's better than nothing," Lyddy said. "Besides, you could change -your mind. I think you and me have a lot more in common than him and -me." - -"I want to make sure there will always be someone to take care of her, -to watch over her," Mattern told his brother. "Funny, I wouldn't have -done what I did except for the sake of winning her, and now that I've -won her, I can't hold her because of what I did to get her. But she was -my dream and I want her to be cherished." - -"That's noble of you, Len," Lyddy said. "I'll think of you often, and -I won't be mad at you." She got up and linked her arm in Alard's. -"You'll take good care of me, won't you, hon?" - -But it was to his brother that Alard spoke. "I'll take good care of -her," he promised, his voice thick with an emotion that was one part -sentiment, one part resignation. - -"Splendid," Mattern said. "I wouldn't want her to be cast adrift. She -knows so little of any of the worlds outside her own restricted sphere." - -"Sure," Alard replied miserably, "I understand. I'll do my best." - -Mattern got up and put out his hand and, after a little hesitation, -Alard took it. - -"I hope in time you'll come to forgive me," Mattern said, "and that -your hatred will dwindle into dislike, perhaps even tolerance." - -"Oh, I don't hate you any more," Alard assured him. "I guess, in -your way, you've had as much to put up with as I did." He frowned in -perplexity. "But why did it have to be me?" - -"You'll change your mind about that, too," Mattern said comfortably. -"Lyddy is a very accomplished woman." - - -VIII - -He felt quite cheerful as he left the two together in his cabin. At -long last, he was free of responsibility, of illusion, of dreams. He -didn't need a woman; it would be wrong for him to expect a woman to -live with the kqyres, even unwittingly. Love was for the very young; -he had his work. And now that he was free of all these vexing human -entanglements, he'd be able to take hold of the business the way he -should have been doing all along. The kqyres was getting old; it was -time to assume the details of management himself. There were quite a -few areas of operation which could become even more productive if the -business was thoroughly reorganized. - -Mattern went up to the control room. The kqyres was there, which was -not his usual place. Perhaps Alard had been right when he said it was -Njeri who had drugged the other crewmen and taken control of the ship. -Presently, Mattern would ask him why, but there were other matters to -be discussed first. - -"Well," Mattern said, flinging himself into a chair, "Lyddy seems to be -disposed of satisfactorily." He gave a rueful laugh. "I take it you had -a hand in the arrangements. That was only fair--she's your creation." -He waved his smokestick at the xhind. "However, I'm warning you, I -won't let myself be manipulated any more. You're through pushing me -around." - -The kqyres seemed almost offended. Then there came a soft chuckle. -"Manipulated, nonsense! We merely deluded you a little, in the same -manner you were wont to delude yourself, but more purposefully. In -truth, what else could we do? We needed you, and in order to induce you -to accept our terms, we had to establish some goal, some ideal for you -to aim at." - -Something about the kqyres' voice disturbed Mattern; he only half -listened as the hyperspacer continued: "And the resources of your mind -were so pitifully meager at that time that this woman was the best -we could dredge up. Later, when your horizons had broadened and your -perceptions deepened, we attempted to alter your goal to a more worthy -one, but the woman had already become an obsession...." - -"You're not the kqyres," Mattern interrupted. "You have a different -voice." - -"Not the _same_ kqyres," the voice corrected. "Truly, it was unfair to -make Lord Njeri go through a thing like this twice in one lifetime. -Moreover, as he grew old, he grew careless." - -So that was why the men had been drugged. There had been an unscheduled -stop in hyperspace. - -Mattern got up and looked intently at the shadowy form. The xhind -flickered a little, as if in embarrassment, and embarked almost -nervously upon an explanation. "You were never intended to attain -Lyddy, merely to keep her image before you like the star a mariner -follows but can never reach." And then the kqyres laughed. "Except, of -course, that today he can reach his star." - -"A carrot and a donkey might be a more suitable simile," Mattern said. -"Pity you couldn't have provided a better carrot." - -The new kqyres ignored this comment. "Lord Njeri was transferred. He -has asked me to say that he looks forward to the pleasure of renewing -your friendship when you come again to Ferr. Meanwhile, I have taken -his place." After some hesitation, the new kqyres added, "I hope we -shall be good friends, also." - -There was no use pretending any longer. "I know who you are," Mattern -said. "I recognize your voice. You're the mbretersha herself, aren't -you?" - - * * * * * - -She seemed pleased rather than dismayed. "Yes, I am the mbretersha. I -came to realize that the post of kqyres was more difficult than that of -queen. Therefore, I was the only one who should rightfully undertake -it. As I told you, in our universe a ruler cannot afford pride. She -lives only for the good of her people." - -"She's got to," Mattern said bluntly, "if, as you said, her nervous -system is attuned to theirs. What actually did happen is that Njeri -told you I was quitting the business and he couldn't control me any -more. So you took his place to see if you could change my mind." - -"Oh, that was a mere pleasantry!" she said. "I knew you would not give -up the hyperspace trade. What else would you have left?" - -What else _would_ he have left? His money, his collections, his -unpleasant memories. All his emotional ties now were with that other -universe. - -"Who's ruling Ferr?" he asked, evading her question. - -"Lord Njeri, your former kqyres, serves as my regent. He is my father, -so he is fitted by birth; his system is also attuned to the planet's, -although not as sensitively as mine, since he is a male. Perhaps that -would make him a better ruler; he will suffer less. And I see no reason -otherwise why a male should be deemed incapable of ruling, providing he -is under careful supervision." - -"No reason at all," Mattern agreed. - -"Moreover," she continued, "I have organized the whole government of my -planet so that it runs itself. And, of course, from time to time, when -we make our trips, I shall be able to check into what's going on." - -"But we're not going to make any more trips," he said. Although he -had not been serious about retiring--he knew that now--he wasn't going -to let the hyperspacers push him around. _Make her sweat a little_, he -thought irreverently. - -"Will you not give me a chance, Captain?" she asked. "Is the prospect -of my company so displeasing to you that it will make you give up the -business immediately?" - -"You know it's not that. I told the kqyres before you came--" - -"But my people won't know it's not that. I shall lose face." - -"If only you _had_ a face!" he cried. "I'm sick of sailing with -shadows!" - -"My form in your universe is truly horrible, Mattern," she said softly, -"truly monstrous. The xhindi who have seen themselves in mirrors in -your universe have often gone mad." - -"Anything is better than emptiness," he told her. - -"If I appear in my true form, then will you accept me as your kqyres?" - -"Well," he said, enjoying himself, "I'll make a few more trips with -you, but that's all I'll promise." - -"I accept your promises," she said. - -He felt a tiny shiver rise up in him. Suppose her normspace form was -even more hideous than her hyperspace form, which of course, was no -longer hideous to him. Would his nerves be strong enough to bear it? - - * * * * * - -He held his breath as the vibrations began to slow down, the grays -shimmering into substance, taking on all the colors of the rainbow and -then flowing into one basic roseate hue. Bit by bit, the planes and -shapes began to coalesce into the shape of.... - -A woman. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen. A woman next to -whom even the dream of Lyddy paled into thin air. - -And, momentarily, he became the Len Mattern of fifteen years back, -standing there with his mouth agape. "But you said you'd be a -monster...." - -"To my people, Mattern," she smiled, "this form is as monstrous as ours -is to your people. You change into our doubles in hyperspace; we change -into yours in normspace. Had you kept the continuity of tradition that -we have, you would know what we have always known--that xhind and human -are different aspects of the same race. That is why you fear us, and we -do not fear you." - -_Of course_, he thought. _How else could they understand us so well? -How else could they find logic in our illogic and be able to condition -us according to our human natures?_ And he smiled to think that all -objection to the xhindi from the social angle was invalid. Monsters -they might be, but not non-humans. - -"Once I thought this appearance was monstrous, Mattern," the mbretersha -went on, in the sweet voice which suited her now, "because I thought -you and your kind were, though forms of our race, monstrous forms--not -only without beauty, but without dignity or intelligence or compassion." - -"Maybe you were right," he said. - -"But since I have learned to know you and to--like you, I have come to -realize that outward semblances are meaningless. I may appear one way -in your universe, another way in mine, but I am the same I. If there -is beauty--" and she gave what, in a lesser personage, would have been -almost a giggle--"it is an inner beauty." - -Mattern could not agree with this premise. Although he had admired -the mbretersha on Ferr, he felt quite differently toward her now, and -because of no suddenly discovered inner beauty. - -"You'll stay this way in this universe then?" he asked. "It makes it so -much more comfortable for me--than just a collection of shadows," he -added hastily. - -"I will stay this way permanently while I am in your universe, -Mattern," she told him, "if, in your turn, you will accept me as--as--" - -"As my shipmate," Mattern finished, "my kqyres. I have already done so." - -"Not merely as your _ship_mate." - -"As my--wife?" he blurted, wondering whether he was reading her mind or -whether she was projecting so forcibly into his that he merely spoke -her thoughts for her. - -She nodded. - -To be chained again, after this brief moment of freedom! He wanted her, -right enough, and he was delighted to have her for his partner, his -companion, but he saw no need for formal commitments between them. - -"You're the mbretersha," he protested, "the queen. It wouldn't be right -for you to marry a commoner!" - -"And you," she retorted, "are one of nature's own noblemen, and, hence, -a fitting consort for me. There is no one in either universe whom I -could marry without lowering myself," she explained, "so I might as -well wed where there is a basis of respect, of admiration, and, to be -sure, expediency." - -"But--but _our_ ceremony wouldn't be valid in _your_ universe, would -it?" he spluttered wildly. "And _your_ ceremony--" - -"We will have two ceremonies, Mattern, one in each universe." - -This, he could see in alarm, was going to be a truly lasting marriage. - - * * * * * - -Mattern was happy with the mbretersha, for she knew how to satisfy a -man's every dream as well as his desires, and of course, being the -kqyres, she was the only woman who would not be disturbed by the -presence of one on board. Moreover, she was a woman for whom a universe -could be risked, a woman to whom worlds could be offered--in short, -just as he was the only man worthy of her, so she was the only woman -worthy of him. - -But sometimes he fancied that the mbretersha's blue eyes had the same -haunting familiarity that he had seen in Lyddy's and Alard's, and he -wondered. Alard's had been explicable enough; he and Mattern had had -the same mother. But why should Lyddy also have his mother's eyes--and, -stranger still, why should the mbretersha? - -Len could not help wondering whether, to create the ideal fantasy, the -ultimate carrot, the xhindi had reached far back in his mind to get the -earliest--and thus the most fundamental--illusion of beauty for him. -Could both Lyddy and the mbretersha have been deliberately modeled on -his mother, and was the mbretersha's form in normspace merely whatever -she chose it to be--or appear to be? - -_Oh, well_, he thought, _perhaps an artful illusion is the truest form -of reality._ - - - - - -End of Project Gutenberg's Someone to Watch Over Me, by Christopher Grimm - -*** END OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK SOMEONE TO WATCH OVER ME *** - -***** This file should be named 51844.txt or 51844.zip ***** -This and all associated files of various formats will be found in: - http://www.gutenberg.org/5/1/8/4/51844/ - -Produced by Greg Weeks, Mary Meehan and the Online -Distributed Proofreading Team at http://www.pgdp.net - - -Updated editions will replace the previous one--the old editions -will be renamed. - -Creating the works from public domain print editions means that no -one owns a United States copyright in these works, so the Foundation -(and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without -permission and without paying copyright royalties. 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