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diff --git a/.gitattributes b/.gitattributes new file mode 100644 index 0000000..6833f05 --- /dev/null +++ b/.gitattributes @@ -0,0 +1,3 @@ +* text=auto +*.txt text +*.md text diff --git a/5433.txt b/5433.txt new file mode 100644 index 0000000..7c32879 --- /dev/null +++ b/5433.txt @@ -0,0 +1,19195 @@ +The Project Gutenberg EBook of Without a Home, by E. P. Roe + +This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with +almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or +re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included +with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org + + +Title: Without a Home + +Author: E. P. Roe + +Posting Date: September 8, 2012 [EBook #5433] +Release Date: April, 2004 +First Posted: July 18, 2002 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK WITHOUT A HOME *** + + + + +Produced by Charles Franks and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + + + + + + + + +WITHOUT A HOME + +E. P. ROE + + +ILLUSTRATED + + + + + + +PREFACE + +Just ten years ago I took my first hesitating and dubious steps +toward authorship. My reception on the part of the public has been +so much kinder than I expected, and the audience that has listened +to my stories with each successive autumn has been so steadfast and +loyal, that I can scarcely be blamed for entertaining a warm and +growing regard for these unseen, unknown friends. Toward indifferent +strangers we maintain a natural reticence, but as acquaintance +ripens into friendship there is a mutual impulse toward an exchange +of confidences. In the many kind letters received I have gratefully +recognized this impulse in my readers, and am tempted by their +interest to be a little garrulous concerning my literary life, the +causes which led to it, and the methods of my work. Those who are +indifferent can easily skip these preliminary pages, and those who +are learning to care a little for the personality of him who has +come to them so often with the kindling of the autumn fires may +find some satisfaction in learning why he comes, and the motive, +the spirit with which, in a sense, he ventures to be present at +their hearths. + +One of the advantages of authorship is criticism; and I have never +had reason to complain of its absence. My only regret is that I +have not been able to make better use of it. I admit that both the +praise and blame have been rather bewildering, but this confusion +is undoubtedly due to a lack of the critical faculty. With one acute +gentleman, however, who remarked that it "was difficult to account +for the popularity of Mr. Roe's books," I am in hearty accord. I +fully share in his surprise and perplexity. It may be that we at +last have an instance of an effect without a cause. + +Ten years ago I had never written a line of a story, and had +scarcely entertained the thought of constructing one. The burning +of Chicago impressed me powerfully, and obedient to an impulse I +spent several days among its smoking ruins. As a result, my first +novel, "Barriers Burned Away," gradually took possession of my mind. +I did not manufacture the story at all, for it grew as naturally +as do the plants--weeds, some may suggest--on my farm. In the +intervals of a busy and practical life, and also when I ought to +have been sleeping, my imagination, unspurred, and almost undirected, +spun the warp and woof of the tale, and wove them together. At first +I supposed it would be but a brief story, which might speedily find +its way into my own waste-basket, and I was on the point of burning +it more than once. One wintry afternoon I read the few chapters then +written to a friend in whose literary taste I had much confidence, +and had her verdict been adverse they probably would have perished +as surely as a callow germ exposed to the bitter storm then raging +without. I am not sure, however, but that the impulse to write would +have carried me forward, and that I would have found ample return +for all the labor in the free play of my fancy, even though editors +and publishers scoffed at the result. + +On a subsequent winter afternoon the incipient story passed through +another peril. In the office of "The New York Evangelist" I read +the first eight chapters of my blotted manuscript to Dr. Field +and his associate editor, Mr. J. H. Dey. This fragment was all that +then existed, and as I stumbled through my rather blind chirography +I often looked askance at the glowing grate, fearing lest my friends +in kindness would suggest that I should drop the crude production +on the coals, where it could do neither me nor any one else further +harm, and then go out into the world once more clothed in my right +mind. A heavy responsibility rests on the gentlemen named, for they +asked me to leave the manuscript for serial issue. From that hour +I suppose I should date the beginning of my life of authorship. +The story grew from eight into fifty-two chapters, and ran just +one year in the paper, my manuscript often being ready but a few +pages in advance of publication. I wrote no outline for my guidance; +I merely let the characters do as they pleased, and work out their +own destiny. I had no preparation for my work beyond a careful +study of the topography of Chicago and the incidents of the fire. +For nearly a year my chief recreation was to dwell apart among the +shadows created by my fancy, and I wrote when and where I could--on +steamboats and railroad cars, as well as in my study. In spite of +my fears the serial found readers, and at last I obtained a publisher. +When the book appeared I suppose I looked upon it much as a young +father looks upon his first child. His interest in it is intense, +but he knows well that its future is very doubtful. + +It appears to me, however, that the true impulse toward authorship +does not arise from a desire to please any one, but rather from a +strong consciousness of something definite to say, whether people +will listen or not. I can honestly assert that I have never +manufactured a novel, and should I do so I am sure it would be +so wooden and lifeless that no one would read it. My stories have +come with scarcely any volition on my part, and their characters +control me. If I should move them about like images they would be +but images. In every book they often acted in a manner just the +opposite from that which I had planned. Moreover, there are unwritten +stories in my mind, the characters of which are becoming almost +as real as the people I meet daily. While composing narratives I +forget everything and live in an ideal world, which nevertheless +is real for the time. The fortunes of the characters affect me +deeply, and I truly believe that only as I feel strongly will the +reader be interested. A book, like a bullet, can go only as far as +the projecting force carries it. + +The final tests of all literary and art work are an intelligent +public and time. We may hope, dream, and claim what we please, +but these two tribunals will settle all values; therefore the only +thing for an author or artist to do is to express his own individuality +clearly and honestly, and submit patiently and deferentially to +these tests. In nature the lichen has its place as truly as the +oak. + +I will say but a few words in regard to the story contained in this +volume. It was announced two years ago, but I found that I could +not complete it satisfactorily. In its present form it has been +almost wholly recast, and much broadened in its scope. It touches +upon several modern and very difficult problems. I have not in the +remotest degree attempted to solve them, but rather have sought +to direct attention to them. In our society public opinion is +exceedingly powerful. It is the torrent that sweeps away obstructing +evils. The cleansing tide is composed originally of many rills and +streamlets, and it is my hope that this volume may add a little to +that which at last is irresistible. + +I can say with sincerity that I have made my studies carefully and +patiently, and when dealing with practical phases of city life I +have evolved very little from my own inner consciousness. I have +visited scores of typical tenements; I have sat day after day on the +bench with the police judges, and have visited the station-houses +repeatedly. There are few large retail shops that I have not +entered many times, and I have conversed with both the employers +and employes. It is a shameful fact that, in the face of a plain +statute forbidding the barbarous regulation, saleswomen are still +compelled to stand continuously in many of the stores. On the +intensely hot day when our murdered President was brought from +Washington to the sea-side, I found many girls standing wearily +and uselessly because of this inhuman rule. There was no provision +for their occasional rest. Not for a thousand dollars would I have +incurred the risk and torture of standing through that sultry day. +There are plenty of shops in the city which are now managed on +the principles of humanity, and such patronage should be given to +these and withdrawn from the others as would teach the proprietors +that women are entitled to a little of the consideration that is so +justly associated with the work of the Society for the Prevention +of Cruelty to Animals. Mr. Bergh deserves praise for protecting +even a cat from cruelty; but all the cats in the city unitedly +could not suffer as much as the slight growing girl who must stand +during a long hot day. I trust the reader will note carefully the +Appendix at the close of this book. + +It will soon be discovered that the modern opium or morphia habit +has a large place in this volume. While I have tried to avoid the +style of a medical treatise, which would be in poor taste in a work +of fiction, I have carefully consulted the best medical works and +authorities on the subject, and I have conversed with many opium +slaves in all stages of the habit. I am sure I am right in fearing +that in the morphia hunger and consumption one of the greatest +evils of the future is looming darkly above the horizon of society. +Warnings against this poison of body and soul cannot be too solemn +or too strong. + +So many have aided me in the collection of my material that any +mention of names may appear almost invidious; but as the reader +will naturally think that the varied phases of the opium habit are +remote from my experience, I will say that I have been guided in +my words by trustworthy physicians like Drs. E. P. Fowler, of New +York; Louis Seaman, chief of staff at the Charity Hospital; Wm. +H. Vail, and many others. I have also read such parts of my MS. +as touched on this subject to Dr. H. K. Kane, the author of two +works on the morphia habit. + +This novel appeared as a serial in the "Congregationalist" of Boston, +and my acknowledgments are due to the editors and publishers of +this journal for their confidence in taking the story before it +was written and for their uniform courtesy. + +I can truly say that I have bestowed more labor on this book than +upon any which have preceded it; for the favor accorded me by the +public imposes the strongest obligation to be conscientious in my +work. + + + + +CONTENTS + +I. ONE GIRL'S IDEAL OF LIFE + +II. WEAKNESS + +III. CONFIDENTIAL + +IV. "PITILESS WAVES" + +V. THE RUDIMENTS OF A MAN + +VI. ROGER DISCOVERS A NEW TYPE + +VII. COMPARISONS + +VIII. CHANGES + +IX. NEITHER BOY NOR MAN + +X. A COUNCIL + +XI. A SHADOW + +XII. VIEWLESS FETTERS + +XIII. A SCENE BENEATH THE HEMLOCKS + +XIV. THE OLD MANSION + +XV. "WELCOME HOME" + +XVI. BELLE AND MILDRED + +XVII. BELLE LAUNCHES HERSELF + +XVIII. "I BELIEVE IN YOU" + +XIX. BELLE JARS THE "SYSTEM" + +XX. SEVERAL QUIET FORCES AT WORK + +XXI. "HE'S A MAN" + +XXII. SKILLED LABOR + +XXIII. THE OLD ASTRONOMER + +XXIV. ROGER REAPPEARS + +XXV. THE DARK SHADOW OF COMING EVENTS + +XXVI. WAXING AND WANING MANHOOD + +XXVII. A SLAVE + +XXVIII. NEW YORK'S HUMANITY + +XXIX. THE BEATITUDES OF OPIUM + +XXX. THE SECRET VICE REVEALED + +XXXI. AN OPIUM MANIAC'S CHRISTMAS + +XXXII. A BLACK CONSPIRACY + +XXXIII. MILDRED IN A PRISON CELL + +XXXIV. "A WISE JUDGE" + +XXXV. "I AM SO PERPLEXED" + +XXXVI. A WOMAN'S HEART + +XXXVII. STRONG TEMPTATION + +XXXVIII. NO "DARK CORNERS" + +XXXIX. "HOME, SWEET HOME" + +XL. NEIGHBORS + +XLI. GLINTS OF SUNSHINE + +XLII. HOPES GIVEN AND SLAIN + +XLIII. WAS BELLE MURDERED + +XLIV. THE FINAL CONSOLATIONS OF OPIUM + +XLV. MOTHER AND SON + +XLVI. A FATAL ERROR + +XLVII. LIGHT AT EVENTIDE + +XLVIII. "GOOD ANGEL OF GOD" + +XLIX. HOME + +APPENDIX + + + + +WITHOUT A HOME + + + + +CHAPTER I + +ONE GIRL'S IDEAL OF LIFE + + +It was an attractive picture that Martin Jocelyn looked upon +through the open doorway of his parlor. His lively daughter Belle +had invited half a score of her schoolmates to spend the evening, +and a few privileged brothers had been permitted to come also. The +young people were naturally selecting those dances which had some +of the characteristics of a romp, for they were at an age when +motion means enjoyment. + +Miss Belle, eager and mettlesome, stood waiting for music that +could scarcely be lighter or more devoid of moral quality than her +own immature heart. Life, at that time, had for her but one great +desideratum--fun; and with her especial favorites about her, with +a careful selection of "nice brothers," canvassed with many pros +and cons over neglected French exercises, she had the promise +of plenty of it for a long evening, and her dark eyes glowed and +cheeks flamed at the prospect. Impatiently tapping the floor with +her foot, she looked toward her sister, who was seated at the piano. + +Mildred Jocelyn knew that all were waiting for her; she instinctively +felt the impatience she did not see, and yet could not resist +listening to some honeyed nonsense that her "friend" was saying. +Ostensibly, Vinton Arnold was at her side to turn the leaves of +the music, but in reality to feast his eyes on beauty which daily +bound him in stronger chains of fascination. Her head drooped under +his words, but only as the flowers bend under the dew and rain that +give them life. His passing compliment was a trifle, but it seemed +like the delicate touch to which the subtle electric current +responds. From a credulous, joyous heart a crimson tide welled up +into her face and neck; she could not repress a smile, though she +bowed her head in girlish shame to hide it. Then, as if the light, +gay music before her had become the natural expression of her mood, +she struck into it with a brilliancy and life that gave even Belle +content. + +Arnold saw the pleasure his remark had given, and surmised the +reason why the effect was so much greater than the apparent cause. +For a moment an answering glow lighted up his pale face, and then, +as if remembering something, he sighed deeply; but in the merry +life which now filled the apartments a sigh stood little chance of +recognition. + +The sigh of the master of the house, however, was so deep and his +face so clouded with care and anxiety as he turned from it all, +that his wife, who at that moment met him, was compelled to note +that something was amiss. + +"Martin, what is it?" she asked. + +He looked for a moment into her troubled blue eyes, and noted how +fair, delicate, and girlish she still appeared in her evening dress. +He knew also that the delicacy and refinement of feature were but +the reflex of her nature, and, for the first time in his life, he +wished that she were a strong, coarse woman. + +"No matter, Fanny, to-night. See that the youngsters have a good +time," and he passed hastily out. + +"He's worrying about those stupid business matters again," she +said, and the thought seemed to give much relief. + +Business matters were masculine, and she was essentially feminine. +Her world was as far removed from finance as her laces from the +iron in which her husband dealt. + +A little boy of four years of age and a little girl of six, whose +tiny form was draped in such gossamer-like fabrics that she seemed +more fairy-like than human, were pulling at her dress, eager to enter +the mirth-resounding parlors, but afraid to leave her sheltering +wing. Mrs. Jocelyn watched the scene from the doorway, where her +husband had stood, without his sigh. Her motherly heart sympathized +with Belle's abounding life and fun, and her maternal pride +was assured by the budding promise of a beauty which would shine +pre-eminent when the school-girl should become a belle in very +truth. + +But her eyes rested on Mildred with wistful tenderness. Her own +experience enabled her to interpret her daughter's manner, and to +understand the ebb and flow of feeling whose cause, as yet, was +scarcely recognized by the young girl. + +The geniality of Mrs. Jocelyn's smile might well assure Vinton +Arnold that she welcomed his presence at her daughter's side, and +yet, for some reason, the frank, cordial greeting in the lady's +eyes and manner made him sigh again. He evidently harbored a memory +or a thought that did not accord with the scene or the occasion. +Whatever it was it did not prevent him from enjoying to the utmost +the pleasure he ever found in the presence of Mildred. In contrast +with Belle she had her mother's fairness and delicacy of feature, +and her blue eyes were not designed to express the exultation +and pride of one of society's flattered favorites. Indeed it was +already evident that a glance from Arnold was worth more than the +world's homage. And yet it was comically pathetic--as it ever is--to +see how the girl tried to hide the "abundance of her heart." + +"Millie is myself right over again," thought Mrs. Jocelyn; "hardly +in society before in a fair way to be out of it. Beaux in general +have few attractions for her. Belle, however, will lead the young +men a chase. If I'm any judge, Mr. Arnold's symptoms are becoming +serious. He's just the one of all the world for Millie, and could +give her the home which her style of beauty requires--a home in +which not a common or coarse thing would be visible, but all as +dainty as herself. How I would like to furnish her house! But Martin +always thinks he's so poor." + +Mrs. Jocelyn soon left the parlor to complete her arrangements for +an elegant little supper, and she complacently felt that, whatever +might be the tribulations of the great iron firm down town, her small +domain was serene with present happiness and bright with promise. + +While the vigorous appetites of the growing boys and girls were +disposing of the supper, Arnold and Mildred rather neglected their +plates, finding ambrosia in each other's eyes, words, and even +intonations. Now that they had the deserted parlor to themselves, +Mildred seemed under less constraint. + +"It was very nice of you," she said, "to come and help me entertain +Belle's friends, especially when they are all so young." + +"Yes," he replied. "I am a happy monument of self-sacrifice." + +"But not a brazen one," she added quickly. + +"No, nor a bronze one, either," he said, and a sudden gloom gathered +in his large dark eyes. + +She had always admired the pallor of his face. "It set off his +superb brown eyes and heavy mustache so finely," she was accustomed +to say. But this evening for some reason she wished that there was +a little more bronze on his cheek and decision in his manner. His +aristocratic pallor was a trifle too great, and he seemed a little +frail to satisfy even her ideal of manhood. + +She said, in gentle solicitude, "You do not look well this spring. +I fear you are not very strong." + +He glanced at her quickly, but in her kindly blue eyes and in every +line of her lovely face he saw only friendly regard--perhaps more, +for her features were not designed for disguises. After a moment +he replied, with a quiet bitterness which both pained and mystified +her: + +"You are right. I am not strong." + +"But summer is near," she resumed earnestly. "You will soon go to +the country, and will bring back this fall bronze in plenty, and +the strength of bronze. Mother says we shall go to Saratoga. That +is one of your favorite haunts, I believe, so I shall have the +pleasure, perhaps, of drinking 'your very good health' some bright +morning before breakfast. Which is your favorite spring?" + +"I do not know. I will decide after I have learned your choice." + +"That's an amiable weakness. I think I shall like Saratoga. The +great hotels contain all one wishes for amusement. Then everything +about town is so nice, pretty, and sociable. The shops, also, +are fine. Too often we have spent our summers in places that were +a trifle dreary. Mountains oppress me with a sense of littleness, +and their wildness frightens me. The ocean is worse still. The +moment I am alone with it, such a lonely, desolate feeling creeps +over me--oh, I can't tell you! I fear you think I am silly and +frivolous. You think I ought to be inspired by the shaggy mountains +and wild waves and all that. Well, you may think so--I won't +tell fibs. I don't think mother is frivolous, and she feels as I +do. We are from the South, and like things that are warm, bright, +and sociable. The ocean always seemed to me so large and cold and +pitiless--to care so little for those in its power." + +"In that respect it's like the world, or rather the people in it--" + +"Oh, no, no!" she interrupted eagerly; "it is to the world of +people I am glad to escape from these solitudes of nature. As I +said, the latter, with their vastness, power, and, worse than all, +their indifference, oppress me, and make me shiver with a vague +dread. I once saw a ship beaten to pieces by the waves in a storm. +It was on the coast near where we were spending the summer. Some +of the people on the vessel were drowned, and their cries ring in +my ears to this day. Oh, it was piteous to see them reaching out +their hands, but the great merciless waves would not stop a moment, +even when a little time would have given the lifeboats a chance to +save the poor creatures. The breakers just struck and pounded the +ship until it broke into pieces, and then tossed the lifeless body +and broken wood on the shore as if one were of no more value than +the other. I can't think of it without shuddering, and I've hated +the sea ever since, and never wish to go near it again." + +"You have unconsciously described this Christian city," said Arnold, +with a short laugh. + +"What a cynic you are to-night! You condemn all the world, and +find fault even with yourself--a rare thing in cynics, I imagine. +As a rule they are right, and the universe wrong." + +"I have not found any fault with you," he said, in a tone that caused +her long eyelashes to veil the pleasure she could not wholly conceal. + +"I hope the self-constraint imposed by your courtesy is not +too severe for comfort. I also understand the little fiction of +excepting present company. But I cannot help remembering that I am +a wee bit of the world and very worldly; that is, I am very fond +of the world and all its pretty follies. I like nice people much +better than savage mountains and heartless waves." + +"And yet you are not what I should call a society girl, Miss Millie." + +"I'm glad you think so. I've no wish to win that character. +Fashionable society seems to me like the sea, as restless and +unreasoning, always on the go, and yet never going anywhere. I know +lots of girls who go here and there and do this and that with the +monotony with which the waves roll in and out. Half the time they +act contrary to their wishes and feelings, but they imagine it the +thing to do, and they do it till they are tired and bored half to +death." + +"What, then, is your ideal of life?" + +Her head drooped a little lower, and the tell-tale color would come +as she replied hesitatingly, and with a slight deprecatory laugh: + +"Well, I can't say I've thought it out very definitely. Plenty of +real friends seem to me better than the world's stare, even though +there's a trace of admiration in it Then, again, you men so monopolize +the world that there is not much left for us poor women to do; but +I have imagined that to create a lovely home, and to gather in it +all the beauty within one's reach, and just the people one best liked, +would be a very congenial life-work for some women. That is what +mother is doing for us, and she seems very happy and contented--much +more so than those ladies who seek their pleasures beyond their +homes. You see I use my eyes, Mr. Arnold, even if I am not antiquated +enough to be wise." + +His look had grown so wistful and intent that she could not meet +it, but averted her face as she spoke. Suddenly he sprang up, and +took her hand with a pressure all too strong for the "friend" she +called him, as he said: + +"Miss Millie, you are one of a thousand. Good-night." + +For a few moments she sat where he left her. What did he mean? +Had she revealed her heart too plainly? His manner surely had been +unmistakable, and no woman could have doubted the language of his +eyes. + +"But some constraint," she sighed, "ties his tongue." + +The more she thought it over, however--and what young girl does +not live over such interviews a hundred times--the more convinced +she became that her favorite among the many who sought her favor +gave as much to her as she to him; and she was shrewd enough +to understand that the nearer two people exchange evenly in these +matters the better it is for both. Her last thought that night was, +"To make a home for him would be happiness indeed. How much life +promises me!" + + + + +CHAPTER II + +WEAKNESS + + +Vinton Arnold's walk down Fifth Avenue was so rapid as to indicate +strong perturbation. At last he entered a large house of square, +heavy architecture, a creation evidently of solid wealth in the +earlier days of the thoroughfare's history. There was something +in his step as he crossed the marble hall to the hat-rack and then +went up the stairway that caused his mother to pass quickly from +her sitting-room that she might intercept him. After a moment's +scrutiny she said, in a low, hard tone: + +"You have spent the evening with Miss Jocelyn again." + +He made no reply. + +"Are you a man of honor?" + +His pallid face crimsoned instantly, and his hands clenched with +repressed feeling, but he still remained silent. Neither did he +appear to have the power to meet his mother's cold, penetrating +glance. + +"It would seem," she resumed, in the same quiet, incisive tone, +"that my former suggestions have been unheeded. I fear that I must +speak more plainly. You will please come with me for a few moments." + +With evident reluctance he followed her to a small apartment, furnished +richly, but with the taste and elegance of a past generation. He had +become very pale again, but his face wore the impress of pain and +irresolution rather than of sullen defiance or of manly independence. +The hardness of the gold that had been accumulating in the family +for generations had seemingly permeated the mother's heart, for the +expression of her son's face softened neither her tone nor manner. +And yet not for a moment could she be made to think of herself +as cruel, or even stern. She was simply firm and sensible in the +performance of her duty. She was but maintaining the traditional +policy of the family, and was conscious that society would thoroughly +approve of her course. Chief of all, she sincerely believed that +she was promoting her son's welfare, but she had not Mrs. Jocelyn's +gentle ways of manifesting solicitude. + +After a moment of oppressive silence, she began: + +"Perhaps I can best present this issue in its true light by again +asking, Are you a man of honor?" + +"Is it dishonorable," answered her son irritably, "to love a pure, +good girl?" + +"No," said his mother, in the same quiet, measured voice; "but it +may be very great folly and a useless waste. It is dishonorable, +however, to inspire false hopes in a girl's heart, no matter who +she is. It is weak and dishonorable to hover around a pretty face +like a poor moth that singes its wings." + +In sudden, passionate appeal, he exclaimed, "If I can win Miss +Jocelyn, why cannot I marry her? She is as good as she is beautiful. +If you knew her as I do you would be proud to call her your daughter. +They live very prettily, even elegantly--" + +By a simple, deprecatory gesture Mrs. Arnold made her son feel that +it was useless to add another word. + +"Vinton," she said, "a little reason in these matters is better +than an indefinite amount of sentimental nonsense. You are now +old enough to be swayed by reason, and not to fume and fret after +the impossible like a child. Neither your father nor I have acted +hastily in this matter. It was a great trial to discover that +you had allowed your fancy to become entangled below the circle +in which it is your privilege to move, and I am thankful that my +other children have been more considerate. In a quiet, unobtrusive +way we have taken pains to learn all about the Jocelyns. They are +comparative strangers in the city. Mr. Jocelyn is merely a junior +partner in a large iron firm, and from all your father says I fear +he has lived too elegantly for his means. That matter will soon +be tested, however, for his firm is in trouble and will probably +have to suspend. With your health, and in the face of the fierce +competition in this city, are you able to marry and support a +penniless girl? If, on the contrary, you propose to support a wife +on the property that now belongs to your father and myself, our +wishes should have some weight. I tell you frankly that our means, +though large, are not sufficient to make you all independent and +maintain the style to which you have been accustomed. With your +frail health and need of exemption from care and toil, you must +marry wealth. Your father is well satisfied that whoever allies +himself to this Jocelyn family may soon have them all on his hands +to support. We decline the risk of burdening ourselves with these +unknown, uncongenial people. Is there anything unreasonable in that? +Because you are fascinated by a pretty face, of which there are +thousands in this city, must we be forced into intimate associations +with people that are wholly distasteful to us? This would be a +poor return for having shielded you so carefully through years of +ill health and feebleness." + +The young man's head drooped lower and lower as his mother spoke, +and his whole air was one of utter despondency. She waited for his +reply, but for a few moments he did not speak. Suddenly he looked +up, with a reckless, characteristic laugh, and said: + +"The Spartans were right in destroying the feeble children. Since +I am under such obligations, I cannot resist your logic, and I +admit that it would be poor taste on my part to ask you to support +for me a wife not of your choosing." + +"'Good taste' at least should have prevented such a remark. You can +choose for yourself from a score of fine girls of your own station +in rank and wealth." + +"Pardon me, but I would rather not inflict my weakness on any of +the score." + +"But you would inflict it on one weak in social position and without +any means of support." + +"She is the one girl that I have met with who seemed both gentle +and strong, and whose tastes harmonize with my own. But you don't +know her, and never will. You have only learned external facts about +the Jocelyns, and out of your prejudices have created a family of +underbred people that does not exist. Their crime of comparative +poverty I cannot dispute. I have not made the prudential inquiries +which you and father have gone into so carefully. But your logic +is inexorable. As you suggest, I could not earn enough myself to +provide a wife with hairpins. The slight considerations of happiness, +and the fact that Miss Jocelyn might aid me in becoming something +more than a shadow among men, are not to be urged against the solid +reasons you have named." + +"Young people always give a tragic aspect to these crude passing +fancies. I have known 'blighted happiness' to bud and blossom again +so often that you must pardon me if I act rather on the ground of +experience and good sense. An unsuitable alliance may bring brief +gratification and pleasure, but never happiness, never lasting and +solid content." + +"Well, mother, I am not strong enough to argue with you, either in +the abstract or as to these 'wise saws' which so mangle my wretched +self," and with the air of one exhausted and defeated he languidly +went to his room. + +Mrs. Arnold frowned as she muttered, "He makes no promise to cease +visiting the girl." After a moment she added, even more bitterly, +"I doubt whether he could keep such a promise; therefore my will +must supply his lack of decision;" and she certainly appeared +capable of making good this deficiency in several human atoms. + +If she could have imparted some of her firmness and resolution to +Martin Jocelyn, they would have been among the most useful gifts +a man ever received. As the stanchness of a ship is tested by the +storm, so a crisis in his experience was approaching which would +test his courage, his fortitude, and the general soundness of his +manhood. Alas! the test would find him wanting. That night, for the +first time in his life, he came home with a step a trifle unsteady. +Innocent Mrs. Jocelyn did not note that anything was amiss. She +was busy putting her home into its usual pretty order after the +breezy, gusty evening always occasioned by one of Belle's informal +companies. She observed that her husband had recovered more than +his wonted cheerfulness, and seemed indeed as gay as Belle herself. +Lounging on a sofa, he laughed at his wife and petted her more +than usual, assuring her that her step was as light, and that she +still looked as young and pretty as any of the girls who had tripped +through the parlors that evening. + +The trusting, happy wife grew so rosy with pleasure, and her tread +was so elastic from maternal pride and exultation at the prospects +of her daughters, that his compliments seemed scarcely exaggerated. + +"Never fear, Nan," he said, in a gush of feeling; "I'll take care +of you whatever happens," and the glad smile she turned upon him +proved that she doubted his words no more than her own existence. + +They were eminently proper words for a husband to address to his +wife, but the circumstances under which they were uttered made +them maudlin sentiment rather than a manly pledge. As spoken, they +were so ominous that the loving woman might well have trembled and +lost her girlish flush. But even through the lurid hopes and vague +prospects created by dangerous stimulants, Mr. Jocelyn saw, dimly, +the spectre of coming trouble, and he added: + +"But, Nan, we must economize--we really must." + +"Foolish man!" laughed his wife; "always preaching economy, but +never practicing it." + +"Would to God I had millions to lavish on you!" he exclaimed, with +tears of mawkish feeling and honest affection mingled as they never +should in a true man's eyes. + +"Lavish your love, Martin," replied the wife, "and I'll be content." + +That night she laid her head upon her pillow without misgiving. + +Mrs. Jocelyn was the daughter of a Southern planter, and in her +early home had been accustomed to a condition of chronic financial +embarrassment and easy-going, careless abundance. The war had swept +away her father and brothers with the last remnant of the mortgaged +property. + +Young Jocelyn's antecedents had been somewhat similar, and they +had married much as the birds pair, without knowing very definitely +where or how the home nest would be constructed. He, however, +had secured a good education, and was endowed with fair business +capacities. He was thus enabled for a brief time before the war +to provide a comfortable support in a Southern city for his wife +and little daughter Mildred, and the fact that he was a gentleman +by birth and breeding gave him better social advantages than mere +wealth could have obtained. At the beginning of the struggle he was +given a commission in the Confederate army, but with the exception +of a few slight scratches and many hardships escaped unharmed. After +the conflict was over, the ex-officer came to the North, against +which he had so bravely and zealously fought, and was pleased to +find that there was no prejudice worth naming against him on this +account. His good record enabled him to obtain a position in a large +iron warehouse, and in consideration of his ability to control a +certain amount of Southern trade he was eventually given an interest +in the business. This apparent advancement induced him to believe +that he might safely rent, in one of the many cross-streets up town, +the pretty home in which we find him. The fact that their expenses +had always a little more than kept pace with their income did not +trouble Mrs. Jocelyn, for she had been accustomed to an annual +deficit from childhood. Some way had always been provided, and +she had a sort of blind faith that some way always would be. Mr. +Jocelyn also had fallen into rather soldier-like ways, and after +being so free with Confederate scrip, with difficulty learned the +value of paper money of a different color. + +Moreover, in addition to a certain lack of foresight and frugal +prudence, bred by army life and Southern open-heartedness, he +cherished a secret habit which rendered a wise, steadily maintained +policy of thrift wellnigh impossible. About two years before the +opening of our story he had been the victim of a painful disease, +the evil effects of which did not speedily pass away. For several +weeks of this period, to quiet the pain, he was given morphia powders; +their effects were so agreeable that they were not discontinued +after the physician ceased to prescribe them. The subtle stimulant +not only banished the lingering traces of suffering, but enabled +him to resume the routine of business with comparative ease much +sooner than he had expected. Thus he gradually drifted into the +habitual use of morphia, taking it as a panacea for every ill. Had +he a toothache, a rheumatic or neuralgic twinge, the drug quieted +the pain. Was he despondent from any cause, or annoyed by some +untoward event, a small white powder soon brought hopefulness +and serenity. When emergencies occurred which promised to tax his +mental and physical powers, opium appeared to give a clearness and +elasticity of mind and a bodily vigor that was almost magical, and +he availed himself of the deceptive potency more and more often. + +The morbid craving which the drug inevitably engenders at last +demanded a daily supply. For months he employed it in moderate +quantities, using it as thousands do quinine, wine, or other +stimulants, without giving much thought to the matter, sincerely +intending, however, to shake off the habit as soon as he felt a +little stronger and was more free from business cares. Still, as the +employment of the stimulant grew into a habit, he became somewhat +ashamed of it, and maintained his indulgence with increasing +secrecy--a characteristic rarely absent from this vice. + +Thus it can be understood that his mind had ceased to possess +the natural poise which would enable him to manage his affairs in +accordance with some wisely matured system of expenditure. In times +of depression he would demand the most rigid economy, and again he +would seem careless and indifferent and preoccupied. This financial +vacillation was precisely what his wife had been accustomed to in +her early home, and she thoughtlessly took her way without much +regard to it. He also had little power of saying No to his gentle +wife, and an appealing look from her blue eyes would settle every +question of economy the wrong way. Next year they would be more +prudent; at present, however, there were some things that it would +be very nice to have or to do. + +But, alas, Mrs. Jocelyn had decided that, for Mildred's sake, the +coming summer must be spent at Saratoga. In vain her husband had +told her that he did not see how it was possible. She would reply, + +"Now, Martin, be reasonable. You know Mr. Arnold spends his summers +there. Would you spoil Millie's chances of making one of the best +matches in the city?" + +He would shrug his shoulders and wonder where the money was to +come from. Meanwhile he knew that his partners were anxious. They +had been strong, and had endured the evil times for years without +wavering, but now were compelled to obtain a credit more and more +extended, in the hope of tiding themselves over the long period of +depression. + +This increasing business stagnation occasioned a deepening anxiety +to her husband and a larger resort to his sustaining stimulant. +While he had no sense of danger worth naming, he grew somewhat +worried by his dependence on the drug, and it was his honest purpose +to gradually abandon it as soon as the financial pressure lifted +and he could breathe freely in the safety of renewed commercial +prosperity. Thus the weeks and months slipped by, finding him more +completely involved in the films of an evil web, and more intent +than ever upon hiding the fact from every one, especially his wife +and children. + +He had returned on the evening of Belle's company, with fears for +the worst. The scene in his pretty and happy home, in contrast with +the bitter experiences that might be near at hand, so oppressed +him with foreboding and trouble that he went out and weakly sought +temporary respite and courage in a larger amount of morphia than +he had ever yet taken. + +While off his guard from the resulting exaltation, he met a business +acquaintance and was led by him to indulge in wine also, with the +results already narrated. + + + + +CHAPTER III + +CONFIDENTIAL + + +Martin Jocelyn awoke with a shiver. He did not remember that he +had been dreaming, but a dull pain in his head and a foreboding +of heart had at last so asserted themselves as to banish the +unconsciousness of sleep. His prospects had even a more sombre hue +than the cold gray of the morning. All the false prismatic colors +of the previous evening had faded, and no serene, steady light had +taken their place. The forced elation was followed--as is ever the +case--by a deeper despondency. The face of his sleeping wife was so +peaceful, so expressive of her utter unconsciousness of impending +disaster, that he could not endure its sight. He felt himself to +be in no condition to meet her waking eyes and explain the cause +of his fears. A sense of shame that he had been so weak the evening +before also oppressed him, and he yielded to the impulse to gain +a day before meeting her trusting or questioning gaze. Something +might occur which would give a better aspect to his affairs, and +at any rate, if the worst must come, he could explain with better +grace in the evening than in his present wretched mood, that would +prove too sharp a contrast with his recent gayety. + +He therefore dressed silently and hastily, and left a note saying +that a business engagement required his early departure. "She will +have at least one more serene day before the storm," he muttered. + +"Now wasn't that kind and thoughtful of papa to let us all sleep +late after the company!" said Mrs. Jocelyn to Mildred. "He went +away, too, without his breakfast," and in her gentle solicitude +she scarcely ate any herself. + +But weakly hiding trouble for a day was not kindness. The wife and +daughter, who should have helped to take in sail in preparation +for the threatened storm, were left unconscious of its approach. +They might have noticed that Mr. Jocelyn had been more than usually +anxious throughout the spring, but they knew so little of business +and its risks, that they did not realize their danger. "Men always +worry about their affairs," said Mrs. Jocelyn. "It's a way they +have." + +Mr. Arnold's visits and manner were much more congenial topics, +and as a result of the entire confidence existing between mother +and daughter, they dwelt at length on these subjects. + +"Mamma," said Mildred, "you must not breathe of it to a soul--not +even to papa yet. It would hurt me cruelly to have it known that I +think so much of one who has not spoken plainly--that is, in words. +I should be blind indeed if I did not understand the language of +his eyes, his tones, and manner. And yet, and yet--mamma, it isn't +wrong for me to love--to think so much of him before he speaks, is +it? Dearly as I--well, not for the world would I seem or even be +more forward than a girl should. I fear his people are too proud +and rich to recognize us; and--and--he says so little about them. +I can never talk to him or any one without making many references +to you and papa. I have thought that he even avoided speaking of +his family." + +"We have not yet been made acquainted with Mr. and Mrs. Arnold," +said Mrs. Jocelyn meditatively. "It is true we attend the same +church, and it was there that Vinton saw you, and was led to seek +an introduction. I'm sure we have not angled for him in any indelicate +way. You met him in the mission school and in other ways, as did +the other young ladies of the church. He seemed to single you out, +and asked permission to call. He has been very gentlemanly, but +you equally have been the self-respecting lady. I do not think you +have once overstepped the line of a proper reserve. It isn't your +nature to do such a thing, if I do say it. She is a silly girl +who ever does, for men don't like it, and I don't blame them. Your +father was a great hunter in the South, Millie, and he has often +said since that I was the shyest game he ever followed. But," she +added, with a low, sweet laugh, "how I did want to be caught! I can +see now," she continued, with a dreamy look back into the past, +"that it was just the way to be caught, for if I had turned in +pursuit of him he would have run away in good earnest. There are +some girls who have set their caps for your handsome Mr. Arnold +who don't know this. I am glad to say, however, that you take the +course you do, not because you know better, but because you ARE +better--because you have not lost in city life the shy, pure nature +of the wild flowers that were your early playmates. Vinton Arnold +is the man to discover and appreciate this truth, and you have +lost nothing by compelling him to seek you in your own home, or by +being so reserved when abroad." + +While her mother's words greatly reassured Mildred, her fair face +still retained its look of anxious perplexity. + +"I have rarely met Mrs. Arnold and her daughters," she said; "but +even in a passing moment, it seemed as if they tried to inform me +by their manner that I did not belong to their world. Perhaps they +were only oblivious--I don't know." + +"I think that is all," said Mrs. Jocelyn musingly. "We have attended +their church only since we came up town. They sit on the further +side, in a very expensive pew, while papa thinks we can afford +only a side seat near the door. It is evident that they are proud +people, but in the matter of birth and good breeding, my dear, I am +sure we are their equals. Even when poorer than we are now we were +welcomed to the best society of the South. Have no fears, darling. +When they come to know YOU they will be as proud of you as I am." + +"Oh, mother, what a sweet prophetess you are! The life you suggest +is so beautiful, and I do not think I could live without beauty. +He is so handsome and refined, and his taste is so perfect that +every association he awakens is refined and high-toned. It seems +as if my--as if he might take out of my future all that is hard +and coarse--all that I shrink from even in thought. But, mamma, I +wish he were a wee bit stronger. His hands are almost as white and +small as mine; and then sometimes he is so very pale." + +"Well, Millie, we can't have everything. City life and luxury are +hard on young men. It would be better for them if they tramped the +woods more with a gun, as your father did. There was a time when +papa could walk his thirty miles a day and ride fifty. But manly +qualities may be those of the mind as well as of muscle. I gather +from what Mr. Arnold says that his health never has been very good; +but you are the one of all the world to pet him, and take care +of him. Most of the fashionable girls of his set would want to +go here and there all the time, and would wear him out with their +restlessness. You would be happier at home." + +"Indeed I would, mamma. Home, and heaven, are words that to me are +near akin." + +"I'm glad you are in such a fair way to win the home, but not +heaven I trust for a long time yet. Let us think of the home first. +While I would not for the world wish you to do a thing which the +strictest womanly delicacy did not permit, there are some things +which we can do that are very proper indeed. Mr. Arnold has an eye +for beauty as well as yourself, and he is accustomed to see ladies +well dressed. He noticed your toilet last night as well as your +face, and his big brown eyes informed me that he thought it very +pretty. I intend that you shall appear as well as the best of them +at Saratoga, and what we cannot afford in expensive fabrics we must +make up in skill and taste. Luckily, men don't know much about the +cost of material. They see the general effect only. A lady is to +them a finished picture, and they never think of inventorying the +frame, canvas, and colors as a woman does. For quarter of the money +I'll make you appear better than his sisters. So get your things, +and we'll begin shopping at once, for such nice work requires time." + +They were soon in the temples of fashion on Broadway, bent upon +carrying out their guileless conspiracy. Nevertheless their seemingly +innocent and harmless action was wretched folly. They did not know +that it raised one more barrier between them and all they sought +and hoped, for they were spending the little money that might save +them from sudden and utter poverty. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +"PITILESS WAVES" + + +A deeper shadow than that of the night fell upon Mildred Jocelyn's +home after the return of her father. Feeling that there should be +no more blind drifting toward he knew not what, he had employed +all the means within his power to inform himself of the firm's +prospects, and learned that there was almost a certainty of speedy +failure. He was so depressed and gloomy when he sat down to dinner +that his wife had not the heart to tell him of her schemes to secure +his daughter's happiness, or of the gossamer-like fabrics she had +bought, out of which she hoped to construct a web that would more +surely entangle Mr. Arnold. Even her sanguine spirit was chilled +and filled with misgivings by her husband's manner. Mildred, too, +was speedily made to feel that only a very serious cause could +banish her father's wonted good-humor and render him so silent. +Belle and the little ones maintained the light talk which usually +enlivened the meal, but a sad constraint rested on the others. At +last Mr. Jocelyn said, abruptly, "Fanny, I wish to see you alone," +and she followed him to their room with a face that grew pale with +a vague dread. What could have happened? + +"Fanny," he said sadly, "our firm is in trouble. I have hoped and +have tried to believe that we should pull through, but now that +I have looked at the matter squarely I see no chance for us, and +from the words and bearing of my partners I imagine they have about +given up hope themselves." + +"Oh, come, Martin, look on the bright side. You always take such +gloomy views of things. They'll pull through, never fear; and if +they don't, you will soon obtain a better position. A man of your +ability should be at the head of a firm. YOU would make money, no +matter what the times were." + +"Unfortunately, Fanny, your sanguine hopes and absurd opinion of +my abilities do not change in the least the hard facts in the case. +If the firm fails, I am out of employment, and hundreds of as +good--yes, better men than I, are looking vainly for almost any +kind of work. The thought that we have laid up nothing in all these +years cuts me to the very quick. One thing is now certain. Not a +dollar must be spent, hereafter, except for food, and that of the +least costly kind, until I see our way more clearly." + +"Can't we go to Saratoga?" faltered Mrs. Jocelyn. + +"Certainly not. If all were well I should have had to borrow money +and anticipate my income in order to spend even a few weeks there, +unless you went to a cheap boarding-house. If things turn out +as I fear, I could not borrow a dollar. I scarcely see how we are +to live anywhere, much less at a Saratoga hotel. Fanny, can't you +understand my situation? Suppose my income stops, how much ahead +have we to live upon?" Mrs. Jocelyn sank into a chair and sobbed, +"Oh that I had known this before! See there!" + +The bed was covered with dress goods and the airy nothings that +enhance a girl's beauty. The husband understood their meaning too +well, and he muttered something like an oath. At last he said, in +a hard tone, "Well, after buying all this frippery, how much money +have you left?" + +"Oh, Martin," sobbed his wife, "don't speak to me in that tone. +Indeed I did not know we were in real danger. You seemed in such +good spirits last evening, and Mr. Arnold showed so much feeling +for Millie, that my heart has been as light as a feather all day. +I wouldn't have bought these things if I had only known--if I had +realized it all." + +Mr. Jocelyn now uttered an unmistakable anathema on his folly. + +"The money you had this morning is gone, then?" + +"Yes." + +"How much has been charged?" + +"Don't ask me." + +He was so angry--with himself more than his wife--and so cast down +that he could not trust himself to speak again. With a gesture, +more expressive than any words, he turned on his heel and left the +room and the house. For hours he walked the streets in the wretched +turmoil of a sensitive, yet weak nature. He was not one who could +calmly meet an emergency and manfully do his best, suffering +patiently meanwhile the ills that could not be averted. He could +lead a cavalry charge into any kind of danger, but he could not +stand still under fire. The temptation to repeat his folly of the +previous evening was very strong, but it had cost him so dearly +that he swore a great oath that at least he would not touch liquor +again; but he could not refrain from lifting himself in some degree +out of his deep dejection, by a recourse to the stimulant upon which +he had so long been dependent. At last, jaded and sober indeed, +he returned to a home whose very beauty and comfort now became the +chief means of his torture. + +In the meantime Mildred and her mother sat by the pretty fabrics +that had the bright hues of their morning hopes, and they looked +at each other with tears and dismay. If the silk and lawn should +turn into crape, it would seem so in accordance with their feelings +as scarcely to excite surprise. Each queried vainly, "What now will +be the future?" The golden prospect of the day had become dark and +chaotic, and in strong reaction a vague sense of impending disaster +so oppressed them that they scarcely spoke. Deep in Mildred's heart, +however, born of woman's trust, was the sustaining hope that her +friend, Vinton Arnold, would be true to her whatever might happen. +Poor Mrs. Jocelyn's best hope was, that the financial storm would +blow over without fulfilling their fears. She had often known her +father to be half desperate, and then there was patched up some +kind of arrangement which enabled them to go on again in their old +way. Still, even with her unbusiness-like habits of thought and +meagre knowledge of the world, she could not see how they could +maintain themselves if her husband's income should suddenly cease, +and he be unable to find a like position. + +She longed for his return, but when he came he gave her no comfort. + +"Don't speak to me," he said; "I can tell you nothing that you do +not already know. The events of the next few weeks will make all +plain enough." + +The logic of events did convince even Mrs. Jocelyn that making no +provision for a "rainy day" is sad policy. The storm did not blow +over, although it blew steadily and strongly. The firm soon failed, +but Mr. Jocelyn received a small sum out of the assets, which +prevented immediate want. Mildred's course promised to justify +Arnold's belief that she could be strong as well as gentle, for +she insisted that every article obtained on credit should be taken +back to the shops. Her mother shrank from the task, so she went +herself and plainly stated their circumstances. It was a bitter +experience for the poor child--far more painful than she had +anticipated. She could not believe that the affable people who waited +on her so smilingly a few days before would appear so different; +but even those who were most inclined to be harsh, and to feel +aggrieved at their small loss in cutting the material returned, +were softened as she said, gently and almost humbly: + +"Since we could not pay for it we felt that it would be more honorable +to bring it back in as good condition as when received." In every +instance, however, in which the goods had been paid for, she found +that she could effect no exchange for the money, except at such +reduced rates that she might as well give them away. + +Even Mrs. Jocelyn saw the need of immediate changes. One of their +two servants was dismissed. Belle pouted over the rigid economy, +now enforced all too late. Mildred cried over it in secret, but +made heroic efforts to be cheerful in the presence of her father +and mother; but each day, with a deeper chill at heart, she asked +herself a thousand times, "Why does not Mr. Arnold come to see me?" + +Vinton Arnold was in even greater distress. He had to endure not +only the pain of a repressed affection, but also a galling and +humiliating sense of unmanly weakness. He, of course, learned of the +failure, and his father soon after took pains to say significantly +that one of the members of the iron firm had told him that Mr. +Jocelyn had nothing to fall back upon. Therefore Arnold knew that +the girl he loved must be in sore trouble. And yet, how could he +go to her? What could he say or do that would not make him appear +contemptible in her eyes? But to remain away in her hour of +misfortune seemed such a manifestation of heartless indifference, +such a mean example of the world's tendency to pass by on the other +side, that he grew haggard and ghost-like in his self-reproach and +self-contempt. At last his parents began to insist that his health +required a change of air, and suggested a mountain resort or a trip +abroad, and he was conscious of no power to resist the quiet will +with which any plan decided upon would be carried out. He felt +that he must see Mildred once more, although what he would say to +her he could not tell. While there had been no conscious and definite +purpose on the part of his parents, they nevertheless had trained +him to helplessness in mind and body. His will was as relaxed as +his muscles. Instead of wise, patient effort to develop a feeble +constitution and to educate his mind by systematic courses of study, +he had been treated as an exotic all his days. And yet it had been +care without tenderness, or much manifestation of affection. Hot a +thing had been done to develop self-respect or self-reliance. Even +more than most girls, he was made to feel himself dependent on +his parents. He had studied but little; he had read much, but in +a desultory way. Of business and of men's prompt, keen ways he was +lamentably ignorant for one of his years, and the consciousness of +this made him shrink from the companionship of his own sex, and +begat a reticence whose chief cause was timidity. His parents' wealth +had been nothing but a curse, and they would learn eventually that +while they could shield his person from the roughnesses of the world +they could not protect his mind and heart from those experiences +which ever demand manly strength and principle. As a result of +their costly system, there were few more pitiable objects in the +city than Vinton Arnold as he stole under the cover of night to +visit the girl who was hoping--though more faintly after every day +of waiting--that she might find in him sustaining strength and love +in her misfortunes. + +But when she saw his white, haggard face and nervous, timid manner, +she was almost shocked, and exclaimed, with impulsive sympathy, +"Mr. Arnold, you have been ill. I have done you wrong." + +He did not quite understand her, and was indiscreet enough to +repeat, "You have done me wrong, Miss Millie?" + +"Pardon me. Perhaps you do not know that we are in deep trouble. +My father's firm has failed, and we shall have to give up our home. +Indeed, I hardly know what we shall do. When in trouble, one's +thoughts naturally turn to one's friends. I thought perhaps you +would come to see me," and two tears that she could not repress in +her eyes. + +"Oh, that I were a man!" groaned Arnold, mentally, and never had +human cruelty inflicted a keener pang than did Mildred's sorrowful +face and the gentle reproach implied in her words. + +"I--I have been ill," he said hesitatingly. "Miss Millie," he added +impulsively, "you can never know how deeply I feel for you." + +She lifted her eyes questioningly to his face, and its expression +was again unmistakable. For a moment she lost control of her +overburdened heart, and bowing her face in her hands gave way to +the strong tide of her feelings. "Oh!" she sobbed, "I have been +so anxious and fearful about the future. People have come here out +of curiosity, and others have acted as if they did not care what +became of us, if they only obtained the money we owed them. I did +not think that those who were so smiling and friendly a short time +since could be so harsh and indifferent. A thousand times I have +thought of that poor ship that I saw the waves beat to pieces, and +it has seemed as if it might be our fate. I suppose I am morbid, +and that some way will be provided, but SOME way is not A way." + +Instead of coming to her side and promising all that his heart +prompted, the miserable constraint of his position led him to turn +from grief that he was no longer able to witness. He went to the +window, and, bowing his head against the sash, looked out into the +darkness. + +She regarded him with wonder as she slowly wiped her eyes. + +"Mr. Arnold," she faltered, "I hope you will forgive me for my +weakness, and also for inflicting our troubles on you." + +He turned and came slowly toward her. She saw that he trembled and +almost tottered as he walked, and that his face had become ashen. +The hand he gave her seemed like ice to her warm, throbbing +palm. But never could she forget his expression--the blending of +self-contempt, pitiable weakness, and dejection. + +"Miss Mildred," he said slowly, "there is no use in disguises. We +had better both recognize the truth at once. At least it will be +better for you, for then you may find a friend more worthy of the +name. Can you not see what I am--a broken reed? The vine could +better sustain a falling tree than I the one I loved, even though, +like the vine, my heart clung to that one as its sole support. +You suffer; I am in torment. You are sad; I despair. You associate +strength and help with manhood, and you are right. You do not know +that the weakest thing in the world is a weak, helpless man. I am +only strong to suffer. I can do nothing; I am nothing. It would be +impossible for me to explain how helpless and dependent I am--you +could not understand it. My whole heart went out to you, for +you seemed both gentle and strong. The hope would grow in my soul +that you might be merciful to me when you came to know me as I am. +Good-by, Millie Jocelyn. You will find a friend strong and helpful +as well as kind. As for me, my best hope is to die." He bowed his +head upon the hand he did not venture to kiss, and then almost fled +from the house. + +Mildred was too much overcome by surprise and feeling to make any +attempt to detain him. He had virtually acknowledged his love for +her, but never in her wildest fancy had she imagined so dreary and +sad a revelation. + +Mrs. Jocelyn, perplexed by Mr. Arnold's abrupt departure, came in +hastily, and Mildred told her, with many tears, all that had been +said. Even her mother's gentle nature could not prevent harsh +condemnation of the young man. + +"So he could do nothing better than get up this little melodrama, +and then hasten back to his elegant home," she said, with a darkening +frown. + +Mildred shook her head and said, musingly, "I understand him better +than you do, mamma, and I pity him from the depths of my heart." + +"I think it's all plain enough," said Mrs. Jocelyn, in a tone that +was hard and unnatural in her. "His rich parents tell him that he +must not think of marrying a poor girl, and he is the most dutiful +of sons." + +"You did not hear his words, mamma--you did not see him. Oh, if he +should die! He looked like death itself," and she gave way to such +an agony of grief that her mother was alarmed on her behalf, and +wept, entreated, and soothed by turns until at last the poor child +crept away with throbbing temples to a long night of pain and +sleeplessness. The wound was one that she must hide in her own +heart; her pallor and languor for several days proved how deep it +had been. + +But the truth that he loved her--the belief that he could never give +to another what he had given to her--had a secret and sustaining +power. Hope is a hardy plant in the hearts of the young. Though the +future was dark, it still had its possibilities of good. Womanlike, +she thought more of his trouble than of her own, and that which most +depressed her was the fear that his health might give way utterly. +"I can bear anything better than his death," she said to herself +a thousand times. + +She made no tragic promises of constancy, nor did she indulge in +very much sentimental dreaming. She simply recognized the truth that +she loved him--that her whole woman's heart yearned in tenderness +over him as one that was crippled and helpless. She saw that he +was unable to stand alone and act for himself, and with a sensitive +pride all her own she shrank from even the thought of forcing +herself on the proud, rich family that had forbidden the alliance. +Moreover, she was a good-hearted, Christian girl, and perceived +clearly that it was no time for her to mope of droop. Even on the +miserable day which followed the interview that so sorely wounded +her, she made pathetic attempts to be cheerful and helpful, and as +time passed she rallied slowly into strength and patience. + +The father's apparent efforts to keep up under his misfortune were +also a great incentive to earnest effort on her part. More than +once she said in substance to her mother, "Papa is so often hopeful, +serene, and even cheerful, that we ought to try and show a like +spirit. Even when despondency does master him, and he becomes sad +and irritable, he makes so brave an effort that he soon overcomes +his wretched mood and quietly looks on the brighter side. We ought +to follow his example." It would have been infinitely better had +he followed theirs, and found in prayer, faith, and manly courage +the serenity and fortitude that were but the brief, deceptive, and +dangerous effects of a fatal poison. + +It was decided that the family should spend the summer at some quiet +farmhouse where the board would be very inexpensive, and that Mr. +Jocelyn, in the meantime, should remain in the city in order to +avail himself of any opening that he might discover. + +After a day or two of search in the country, he found a place that +he thought would answer, and the family prepared as quickly as +possible for what seemed to them like a journey to Siberia. + +Mildred's farewell to her own private apartment was full of touching +pathos. This room was the outward expression not merely of a refined +taste, but of some of the deepest feelings and characteristics +of her nature. In its furniture and adornment it was as dainty as +her own delicate beauty. She had been allowed to fit it up as she +wished, and had lavished upon it the greater part of her spending +money. She had also bestowed upon it much thought, and the skilful +work of her own hands had eked out to a marvellous extent the +limited sums that her father had been able to give her. The result +was a prettiness and light, airy grace which did not suggest the +resting-place of an ordinary flesh-and-blood girl, but of one in +whom the spiritual and the love of the beautiful were the ruling +forces of life. + +It is surprising how character impresses itself on one's surroundings. +Mrs. Arnold's elegant home was a correct expression of herself. +Stately, formal, slightly rigid, decidedly cold, it suggested to +the visitor that he would receive the courtesy to which his social +position entitled him, and nothing more. It was the result of +an exact and logical mind, and could no more unbend into a little +comfortable disorder than the lady herself. She bestowed upon +its costly appointments the scrupulous care which she gave to her +children, and her manner was much the same in each instance. She +was justly called a strong character, but she made herself felt +after the fashion of an artist with his hammer and chisel. Carved +work is cold and rigid at best. + +Mildred had not as yet impressed people as a strong character. On +the contrary, she had seemed peculiarly gentle and yielding. Vinton +Arnold, however, in his deep need had instinctively half guessed +the truth, for her influence was like that of a warm day in spring, +undemonstrative, not self-asserting, but most powerful. The +tongue-tied could speak in her presence; the diffident found in +her a kindly sympathy which gave confidence; men were peculiarly +drawn toward her because she was so essentially womanly without +being silly. Although as sprightly and fond of fun as most young +girls of her age, they recognized that she was perfectly truthful +and loyal to all that men--even bad men--most honor in a woman. +They always had a good time in her society, and yet felt the better +and purer for it. Life blossomed and grew bright about her from +some innate influence that she exerted unconsciously. After all +there was no mystery about it. She had her faults like others, but +at heart she was genuinely good and unselfish. The gentle mother +had taught her woman's best graces of speech and manner; nature +had endowed her with beauty, and to that the world always renders +homage. + +There are thousands of very pretty girls who have no love for beauty +save their own, which they do their best to spoil by self-homage. +To Mildred, on the contrary, the beautiful was as essential as +her daily food, and she excelled in all the dainty handicrafts by +which women can make a home attractive. Therefore her own little +sanctum had developed like an exquisite flower, and had become, as +we have said, an expression of herself. An auctioneer, in dismantling +her apartment, would not have found much more to sell than if he had +pulled a rose to pieces, but left intact it was as full of beauty +and fragrance as the flower itself. And yet her own hands must destroy +it, and in a brief time she must exchange its airy loveliness for +a bare room in a farmhouse. After that the future was as vague +as it was clouded. The pretty trifles were taken down and packed +away, with tears, as if she were laying them in graves. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +THE RUDIMENTS OF A MAN + + +"Mother, I hain't no unison with it at all," said Farmer Atwood, +leaning on the breakfast table and holding aloft a knife and +fork--formidable implements in his hands, but now unemployed through +perturbation of mind. "I hain't no unison with it--this havin' +fine city folk right in the family. 'Twill be pretty nigh as bad +as visiting one's rich relations. I had a week of that once, but, +thank the Lord, I hain't been so afflicted since. I've seen 'em +up at the hotel and riding by too often not to know 'em. They are +half conceit and half fine feathers, and that doesn't leave many +qualities as are suited to a farmhouse. Roger and me will have to +be--what was it that lecturin' professor called it--'deodorized' +every mornin' after feedin' and cleanin' the critters. We'll +have to put on our go-to-meetin's, instead of sittin' down in our +shirt-sleeves comfortable like. I hain't no unison with it, and +it's been a-growing on me ever since that city chap persuaded you +into being cook and chambermaid for his family." And Farmer Atwood's +knife and fork came down into the dish of ham with an onslaught +that would have appalled a Jew. + +"The governor is right, mother," said the young man referred to as +Roger. "We shall all be in strait-jackets for the summer." + +The speaker could not have been much more than twenty years old, +although in form he appeared a full-grown man. As he stood wiping +his hands on a towel that hung in a corner of the large kitchen, +which, except on state occasions, also served as dining and +sitting-room, it might be noted that he was above medium height, +broad-shouldered, and strongly built. When he crossed the room his +coarse working dress could not disguise the fact that he had a fine +figure and an easy bearing of the rustic, rough-and-ready style. +He had been out in the tall, dew-drenched grass, and therefore had +tucked the lower part of his trousers in his boot tops, and, like +his father, dispensed with his coat in the warm June morning. As he +drew a chair noisily across the floor and sat down at the table, it +was evident that he had a good though undeveloped face. His upper +lip was deeply shadowed by a coming event, to which he looked +forward with no little pride, and his well-tanned cheeks could not +hide a faint glow of youthful color. One felt at a glance that +his varying expressions could scarcely fail to reveal all that +the young man was now or could ever become, for his face suggested +a nature peculiarly frank and rather matter-of-fact, or at least +unawakened. The traits of careless good-nature and self-confidence +were now most apparent. He had always been regarded as a clever +boy at home, and his rustic gallantry was well received by the +farmers' daughters in the neighborhood. What better proofs that +he was about right could a young fellow ask? He was on such good +terms with himself and the world that even the event which his +father so deprecated did not much disturb his easy-going assurance. +He doubted, in his thoughts, whether the city girls would "turn up +their noses" at him, and if they did, they might, for all that he +cared, for there were plenty of rural beauties with whom he could +console himself. But, like his father, he felt that the careless +undress and freedom of their farm life would be criticised by the +new-comers. He proposed, however, to make as little change as +possible in his habits and dress, and to teach the Jocelyns that +country people had "as good a right to their ways as city people +to theirs." Therefore the threatened invasion did not in the least +prevent him from making havoc in the substantial breakfast that +Mrs. Atwood and her daughter Susan put on the table in a haphazard +manner, taking it from the adjacent stove as fast as it was ready. +A stolid-looking hired man sat opposite to Roger, and shovelled in +his food with his knife, with a monotonous assiduity that suggested +a laborer filling a coal-bin. He seemed oblivious to everything +save the breakfast, and with the exception of heaping his plate +from time to time he was ignored by the family. + +The men-folk were quite well along with their meal before Mrs. +Atwood and Susan, flushed with their labors about the stove, were +ready to sit down. They were accustomed to hear the farmer grumble, +and, having carried their point, were in no haste to reply or to +fight over a battle that had been won already. Roger led to a slight +resumption of hostilities, however, by a disposition--well-nigh +universal in brothers--to tease. + +"Sue," he said, "will soon be wanting to get some feathers like those +of the fine birds that will light in our door-yard this evening." + +"That's it," snarled the farmer; "what little you make will soon +be on your backs or streamin' away in ribbons." + +"Well," said Mrs. Atwood, a little sharply, "it's quite proper that +we should have something on our backs, and if we earn the money +to put it there ourselves, I don't see why you should complain; as +for ribbons, Sue has as good right to 'em as Roger to a span-new +buggy that ain't good for anything but taking girls out in." + +"What made you have the seat so narrow, Roger?" asked Sue; "you +couldn't squeeze three people in to save your life." + +"I'm content with one girl at a time," replied Roger, with a +complacent shrug. + +"And the same girl only one time, too, from what I hear. You've +taken out all there are in Forestville haven't you?" + +"Haven't got quite around yet. And then some prudent mothers do +think the seat a trifle narrow, and the ones I'd like to take out +most can't go. But there's plenty that can." + +"And one is as good as another," added his sister, maliciously, +"If she will only talk nonsense, and let you hold her from falling +out when you whisk over the thank-e-ma'ams." + +"I didn't have to go from home to learn that most girls talk +nonsense," laughed Roger. "By the way, how did you learn about the +thank-e-ma'ams? I didn't teach you." + +"No, indeed! Sisters may fall out for all that brothers care." + +"That depends on whose sisters they are," said Roger, rising. "I +now perceive that mine has been well taken care of." + +"You think other young men have your pert ways," retorted Sue, +reddening. "My friends have manners." + +"Oh, I see. They let you fall out, and then politely pick you up." + +"Come, you are both in danger of falling out now," said the mother +reprovingly. + +Roger went off whistling to his work, and the hired man lumbered +after him. + +"Father," said Mrs. Atwood, "who'll go down to the river for the +trunks?" + +"Well, I s'pose I'll have to," grumbled Mr. Atwood. "Roger don't +want to, and Jotham can do more work in the cornfield than me." + +"I'm glad you're so sensible. Riding down to the river and back +will be a good bit easier than hoeing corn all day. The stage will +be along about five, I guess, and I'll get supper for 'em in the +sittin'-room, so you can eat in your shirt-sleeves, if that'll +quiet your mind." + +With the aspect of a November day Mr. Atwood got out the great +farm-wagon and jogged down to the landing on the Hudson, which was +so distant as to insure his absence for several hours. + +It was a busy day for Mrs. Atwood and Susan. Fresh bread and cake +were to be baked, and the rooms "tidied up" once more. A pitcher +that had lost its handle was filled with old-fashioned roses that +persisted in blooming in a grass-choked flower-bed. This was placed +in the room designed for Mrs. Jocelyn and the children, while the +one flower vase, left unbroken from the days of Roger's boyish +carelessness, adorned the smaller apartment that Mildred and Belle +were to occupy, and this was about the only element of elegance or +beauty that Susan was able to impart part to the bare little room. +Even to the country girl, to whom the term "decorative art" was but +a vague phrase, the place seemed meagre and hard in its outlines, +and she instinctively felt that it would appear far more so to its +occupants. + +"But it's the best we can afford," she sighed; "and at the prices +they'll pay us they shouldn't complain." + +Still the day was full of pleasurable excitement and anticipation +to the young girl. She was aware that her mother's tasks and her +own would be greatly increased, but on the other hand the monotony +of the farm-house life would be broken, and in the more distant +future she saw a vista of new gowns, a jaunty winter hat with a +feather, and other like conditions of unalloyed happiness. Susan +had dwelt thus far in one of life's secluded valleys, and if she +lost much because her horizon was narrow she was shielded from +far more. Her fresh, full face had a certain pleasant, wholesome +aspect, like the fields about her home in June, as she bustled +about, preparing for the "city folks" whom her father so dreaded. + +Roger's buggy was not yet paid for. It was the one great extravagance +that Mr. Atwood had permitted for many a year. As usual, his wife +had led him into it, he growling and protesting, but unable to resist +her peculiar persistency. Roger was approaching man's estate, and +something must be done to signalize so momentous an event. A light +buggy was the goal of ambition to the young men in the vicinity, +and Roger felt that he could never be a man without one. He also +recognized it as the best means of securing a wife to his mind, +for courting on a moonlit, shadowy road was far more satisfactory +than in the bosom of the young woman's family. Not that he was bent +on matrimony, but rather on several years of agreeable preparation +for it, proposing to make tentative acquaintances, both numerous +and miscellaneous. + +In his impatience to secure this four-wheeled compendium of happiness +he had mortgaged his future, and had promised his father to plant +and cultivate larger areas. The shrewd farmer therefore had no +prospect of being out of pocket, for the young man was keeping his +word. The acres of the cornfield were nearly double those of the +previous year, and on them Roger spent the long hot day in vigorous +labor in preference to the easy task of going to the river for the +luggage. Dusty and weary, but in excellent spirits over the large +space that he and the hired man had "hilled up," he went whistling +home through the long shadows of the June evening. The farm wagon +stood in the door-yard piled with trunks. The front entrance of +the house--rarely used by the family--was open, and as he came up +the lane a young girl emerged from it, and leaned for a few moments +against the outer pillar of the little porch, unconscious of the +picture she made. A climbing rose was in bloom just over her head, +and her cheeks, flushed with heat and fatigue, vied with them +in color. She had exchanged her travelling-dress for one of light +muslin, and entwined in her hair a few buds from the bush that +covered the porch. If Roger was not gifted with a vivid imagination +he nevertheless saw things very accurately, and before he reached +the head of the lane admitted to himself that the old "front steps" +had never been so graced before. He had seen many a rustic beauty +standing there when his sister had company, but the city girl +impressed him with a difference which he then could not understand. +He was inclined to resent this undefined superiority, and he muttered, +"Father's right. They are birds of too fine a feather for our nest." + +He had to pass near her in order to reach the kitchen door, or else +make a detour which his pride would not permit. Indeed, the youth +plodded leisurely along with his hoe on his shoulder, and scrupled +not to scrutinize the vision on the porch with the most matter-of-fact +minuteness. + +"What makes her so 'down in the mouth'?" he queried. "She doesn't +fancy us barbarians, I suppose, and Forestville to her is a howling +wilderness. Like enough she'll take me for an Indian." + +Mildred's eyes were fixed on a great shaggy mountain in the west, +that was all the more dark and forbidding in its own deep shadow. +She did not see it, however, for her mind was dwelling on gloomier +shadows than the mountain cast. + +As he passed he caught her attention, and stepping toward him a +little impatiently, she said, + +"I suppose you belong to the premises?" + +He made an awkward attempt at a bow, and said stiffly, "I'm one of +the Atwood chattels." + +The answer was not such as she expected, and she gave him a +scrutinizing glance. "Surely, if I have ever seen a laborer, he's +one," she thought, as with woman's quickness she inventoried his +coarse, weather-stained straw hat, blue cotton shirt crossed by +suspenders mended with strings, shapeless trousers, once black, +but now of the color of the dusty cornfield, and shoes such as she +had never seen on the avenue. Even if Roger's face had not been +discolored by perspiration and browned by exposure, its contrast +with the visage that memory kept before her but too constantly +would not have been pleasing. Nothing in his appearance deterred +her from saying briefly, "I wish you would bring those trunks to +our rooms. We have already waited for them some little time, and +Mr. Atwood said that his man would attend to them when he came home +from his work." + +"That's all right, but I'm not his man, and with another stiff bow +he passed on. + +"Roger," called Mrs. Atwood from the kitchen door, "where's Jotham?" + +"Bringing home the cows." + +"The ladies want their trunks," continued his mother, in a sharp, +worried tone. "I wish you men-folks would see to 'em right away. +Why couldn't you quit work a little earlier to-night?" + +Roger made no reply, but proceeded deliberately to help himself to +a wash-basin and water. + +"Look here, Roger," said his mother, in a tone she seldom used, +"if those trunks are not where they belong in ten minutes, Susan +and I'll take 'em up ourselves." + +"That would be a pretty story to go out," added his sister. "Little +use your buggy would be to you then, for no nice girl would ride +with you." + +"Come, come, what's the use of such a bother!" said the young man +irritably. "Mother knows that I'd carry the trunks up on Bald-Top +before I'd let her touch them. That's the way it will always be +with these city people, I suppose. Everybody must jump and run the +moment they speak. Father's right, and we'll have to give up our +old free-and-easy life and become porters and waiting-maids." + +"I've heard enough of that talk," said Mrs. Atwood emphatically. +"Your father's been like a drizzling northeaster all day. Now I +give you men-folks fair warning. If you want any supper you must +wake up and give me something better than grumbling. I'm too hot +and tired now to argue over something that's been settled once for +all." + +The "warning" had the desired effect, for Mrs. Atwood was the +recognized head of the commissary department, and, as such, could +touch the secret springs of motives that are rarely resisted. + +The open kitchen windows were so near that Mildred could not help +overhearing this family jar, and it added greatly to her depression. +She felt that they had not only lost their own home, but were also +banishing the home feeling from another family. She did but scant +justice to Mrs. Atwood's abundant supper, and went to her room at +last with that most disagreeable of all impressions--the sense of +being an intruder. + +The tired children were soon at rest, for their time of sleepless +trouble was far distant. Belle's pretty head drooped also with the +roses over the porch as the late twilight deepened. To her and the +little people the day had been rich in novelty, and the country was +a wonderland of many and varied delights. In the eyes of children +the Garden of Eden survives from age to age. Alas! the tendency to +leave it survives also, and to those who remain, regions of beauty +and mystery too often become angular farms and acres. + +Mrs. Jocelyn and Mildred still more clearly illustrated the truth +that the same world wears a different aspect as the conditions of +life vary. They were going out into the wilderness. The river was +a shining pathway, whose beauty was a mockery, for it led away from +all that they loved best. The farmhouse was a place of exile, and +its occupants a strange, uncouth people with whom they felt that +they would have nothing in common. Mrs. Jocelyn merely looked forward +to weeks of weary waiting until she could again join her husband, +to whom in his despondency her heart clung with a remorseful +tenderness. She now almost wished that they had lived on bread and +water, and so had provided against this evil day of long separation +and dreary uncertainty. Now that she could no longer rest in her +old belief that there would be "some way" of tiding over every +financial crisis, she became a prey to forebodings equally vague +that there might be no way. That HER HUSBAND could spend day after +day seeking employment, offering, too, to take positions far inferior +to the one he had lost, was a truth that at first bewildered and +then disheartened her beyond measure. She felt that they must, +indeed, have fallen on evil times when his services went a-begging. + +To Mildred the present was dark, and the future most unpromising; +but deep in her heart nestled the sustaining thought that she was +not unloved, not forgotten. The will of others, not his own, kept +her lover from her side. His weaknesses were of a nature that +awakened her pity rather than contempt. If he had been a Hercules +physically and a Bacon intellectually, but conceited, domineering, +untruthful, and of the male flirt genus--from such weaknesses she +would have shrunk with intense repugnance. Her friends thought +her peculiarly gentle in disposition. They did not know--and she +herself might rarely recognize the truth--that she was also very +strong; her strength on its human side consisted in a simple, +unswerving fidelity to her womanly nature and sense of right; on +the Divine side, God's word was to her a verity. She daily said "Our +Father" as a little child. Has the world yet discovered a purer or +loftier philosophy? + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +ROGER DISCOVERS A NEW TYPE + + +Young Atwood rose with a very definite purpose on the following +morning. For his mother's sake he would be civil to their boarders, +but nothing more. He would learn just what they had a right to +expect in view of their business relations, and having performed +all that was "nominated in the bond," would treat them with such +an off-hand independence that they would soon become aware that he, +Roger Atwood, was an entity that could exist without their admiring +approval. He meant that they should learn that the country was +quite as large as the city, and that the rural peculiarities of +Forestville were as legitimate as those which he associated with +them, and especially with the young lady who had mistaken him for +the hired man. Therefore after his morning work in the barnyard +he stalked to the house with the same manner and toilet as on the +previous day. + +But there were no haughty citizens to be toned down. They were all +sleeping late from the fatigues of their journey, and Mrs. Atwood +said she would give the "men-folks their breakfast at the usual +hour, because a hungry man and a cross bear were nigh of kin." + +The meal at first was a comparatively silent one, but Roger noted +with a contemptuous glance that his sister's hair was arranged more +neatly than he had seen it since the previous Sunday, and that her +calico dress, collar, and cuffs were scrupulously clean. + +"Expecting company?" he asked maliciously. + +She understood him and flushed resentfully. "If you wish to go +around looking like a scarecrow, that's no reason why I should," +she said. "The corn is too large for the crows to pull now, so if +I were you I would touch myself up a little. I don't wonder that +Miss Jocelyn mistook you for Jotham." + +"It's well," retorted Roger, with some irritation, "that your +Miss Jocelyn has no grown brothers here, or you would come down +to breakfast in kid gloves. I suppose, however, that they have +insisted on a tidy and respectful waitress. Will you please inform +me, mother, what my regulation costume must be when my services +are required? Jotham and I should have a suit of livery, with two +more brass buttons on my coat to show that I belong to the family." + +"I think that a little more of the manner and appearance of a +gentleman would show your relationship better than any amount of +brass," remarked his mother quietly. + +Roger was almost through his breakfast, and so, at no great loss, +could assume the injured part. Therefore with a dignity that was +somewhat in marked contrast with his rather unkempt appearance he +rose and stalked off to the cornfield again. + +"Umph," remarked Mr. Atwood sententiously, as he rose and followed +his son. This apparently vague utterance had for his wife a definite +and extended meaning. She looked annoyed and flurried, and was in +no mood for the labors of preparing a second breakfast. + +"The men-folks had better not roil me up too much," she said to +her daughter. "If your father had said No! out and out, I wouldn't +have brought strangers into his home. But he kinder wanted me +to have their money without the bother of having them around. Now +one thing is settled--he must either help me make it pleasant for +these people, or else tell them to leave this very day." + +"And how about Roger?" asked Susan, still under the influence of +pique. + +"Oh, Roger is young and foolish. He's a-growing yet," and the +mother's severe aspect relaxed. He was her only boy. + +Mr. Atwood, brought face to face with the alternative presented +by his practical wife, succumbed with tolerable grace. In truth, +having had his grumble out, he was not so very averse to the +arrangement. He was much like old Gruff, their watch-dog, that was +a redoubtable growler, but had never been known to bite any one. +He therefore installed himself as his wife's out-of-door ally and +assistant commissary, proposing also to take the boarders out to +drive if they would pay enough to make it worth the while. As for +Roger, he resolved to remain a farmer and revolve in his old orbit. + +Mrs. Jocelyn and Mildred were listless and depressed, and time hung +heavily on their hands. They were in that condition of waiting and +uncertainty which renders cheerful or systematic occupation wellnigh +impossible. They daily hoped that a letter would come assuring them +that Mr. Jocelyn had secured a position that would change all their +future for the better, but the letters received recorded futile +efforts only, and often despondency; but occasionally there would +come a letter full of vague, sanguine hopes that first produced +elation and then perplexity that nothing came of them. His wife +found his dejection contagious. If she had been with him she would +have made strenuous efforts to cheer and inspirit, but without +an unselfish woman's strongest motive for action she brooded and +drooped. Belle's irrepressible vivacity and the children's wild +delight over the wonders of the fields and farmyard jarred upon +her sore heart painfully. She patiently tried to take care of them, +but in thought and feeling she could not enter into their life as +had been her custom. Belle was too young and giddy for responsibility, +and Mildred had many a weary chase after the little explorers. In +spite of his clearly defined policy of indifference, Roger found +himself watching her on such occasions with a growing interest. It +was evident to him that she did not in the slightest degree resent +his daily declaration of independence; indeed, he saw that she +scarcely gave him any thoughts whatever--that he was to her no more +than heavy-footed Jotham. + +"She does not even consider me worth snubbing," he thought, with +much dissatisfaction, about a week subsequent to their arrival. + +In vain, after the labors of the day, he dressed in his best +suit and sported a flaming necktie; in vain he dashed away in his +buggy, and, a little later, dashed by again with a rural belle at +his side. He found himself unable to impress the city girl as he +desired, or to awaken in her a sense of his importance. And yet he +already began to feel, in a vague way, that she was not so distant +TO him, as distant FROM him. + +Belle soon formed his acquaintance, asking innumerable questions +and not a few favors, and she found him more good-natured than she +had been led to expect. At last, to her great delight, he took her +with him in his wagon to the post-office. The lively girl interested +and amused him, but he felt himself immeasurably older than she. +With a tendency common to very young men, he was more interested +in the elder sister, who in character and the maturity that comes +from experience was certainly far beyond him. Belle he understood, +but Mildred was a mystery, and she had also the advantage of being +a very beautiful one. + +As time passed and no definite assurances came from her father, +the young girl was conscious of a growing dissatisfaction with the +idle, weary waiting to which she and her mother were condemned. She +felt that it might have been better for them all to have remained +in the city, in spite of the summer heat, than thus to be separated. +She believed that she might have found something to do which would +have aided in their support, and she understood more clearly than +her mother that their slender means were diminishing fast. That +she could do anything at a country farmhouse to assist her father +seemed very doubtful, but she felt the necessity of employment +more strongly each day, not only for the sake of the money it might +bring, but also as an antidote to a growing tendency to brood over +her deep disappointment. She soon began to recognize that such +self-indulgence would unfit her for a struggle that might be extended +and severe, and was not long in coming to the conclusion that she +must make the best of her life as it was and would be. Days and +weeks had slipped by and had seen her looking regretfully back at +the past, which was receding like the shores of a loved country to +an exile. Since the prospect of returning to it was so slight, it +would be best to turn her thoughts and such faint hope as she could +cherish toward the vague and unpromising future. At any rate she +must so occupy herself as to have no time for morbid self-communings. + +Her first resource was the homely life and interests of those +with whom she dwelt. Thus far she had regarded them as uncongenial +strangers, and had contented herself with mere politeness toward +them. In her sad preoccupation she had taken little note of their +characters or domestic life, and her mother had kept herself even +more secluded. Indeed the poor lady felt that it was hardly right +to smile in view of her husband's absence and misfortune, and she +often chided Belle for her levity; but Belle's life was like an +over-full fountain in spring-time, and could not be repressed. + +In her deep abstraction Mildred had seen, but had scarcely noted, +certain changes in the farmhouse that would have interested and +pleased her had her mind been at rest. Almost unconsciously she had +revealed her love of that which is pretty and inviting; therefore +Susan, not content with being neat, was inclined to brighten +her costume by an occasional ribbon, and to suggest comparisons +between her fresh and youthful bloom and an opening flower that she +would fasten in her hair as the summer day declined. So far from +resenting this imitation of her own habits and tastes, Mildred at +last recognized the young girl's awakening perceptions of womanly +grace with much satisfaction. Even poor Mrs. Atwood exhibited a +tendency to emerge from her chronic and rather forlorn condition +of household drudge. For years she had known and thought of little +else save sordid work, early and late. The income from the small +farm permitted no extra help except on rare occasions, and then was +obtained under protest from her husband, who parted with a dollar +as he would with a refractory tooth. His strong and persistent will +had impressed itself on his family, and their home life had been +meagre and uninviting; the freedom and ease that he and Roger +were so loath to lose, consisting chiefly in careless dress and a +disregard of the little refinements and courtesies of life. + +It was with some self-reproach that Mildred admitted that for +nearly a month she had practically ignored these people, and that +she was becoming selfish in her trouble; and yet, not so much from +a sense of duty, as from a kindling zest in life, she began to take +an interest in them and their ways. She was still far too young +for her spirit to lose its spring, even under a continuous weight +of misfortune. Her nature was not morbid, but sunny and wholesome, +and when with the children and Belle unexpected smiles would brighten +her face like glints of sunshine here and there on a cloudy day. +Deep as had been her wounds, she found that there were moments when +she half forgot their pain, and an instinct of self-preservation +taught her that it would be best to forget them as far as possible. + +When the thought of trying to refine the somewhat rude household +in which she dwelt occurred to her, she discovered that the work +was already well begun, for the chief condition of success was +present--the disposition to do as she would like. The Atwoods soon +surmised that the family was in trouble of some kind, and were able +to distinguish between pride of caste and a sorrowful preoccupation. +It was scarcely in Mrs. Jocelyn and Mildred's nature to speak otherwise +than gently and kindly, and so without trying they disarmed their +hosts and won their sympathy. Notwithstanding their dejection and +lassitude, they maintained the habits of their lives, and unwittingly +gave Mrs. Atwood and her daughter a vague impression that neatness, +attractiveness, and order were as essential as good morals. + +At first Roger had dressed more roughly than ever, in order to +assert his right to his old ways, but as Mildred did not protest +even by a glance, he next took pains to show her that he had "good +clothes" if he chose to wear them. This fact she also accepted without +the faintest interest, and so at last he was rather nonplussed. +He was not accustomed to being politely ignored, and since he felt +a growing interest in this new type of girl, he had an increasing +desire to make her aware of his existence. "Hang it all," he would +mutter, "I'm no more to her than Jotham and the other farm animals. +What can a fellow do to make her look at him as if she saw him? +She's very kind and polite and all that; she'd as soon hurt the +brindle cow as me, but this fact is not very flattering. However, +I'll find you out, my lady, and you too shall learn that the one +whom you now regard as an object merely has a will and a way of +his own." + +Therefore it may be guessed that in Roger Mildred might discover +more docility and plastic readiness than she desired. Only old Mr. +Atwood and Jotham seemed incorrigible material; but she did not +despair even of them, and resolved to set about reclaiming this +family from barbarism at once. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +COMPARISONS + + +"Mrs. Atwood," said Mildred one Saturday evening, "I'll go with you +to church to-morrow if you'll let me. Belle has been once, and it +will be my turn to-morrow." + +"Oh, certainly, miss; you will go with Roger in the buggy, I s'pose, +like Miss Belle." + +"If you please, I'd rather go with you." + +"Really, miss, the roads have been muddy of late, and the wagon +isn't very nice." + +"I would rather go with you," pleaded Mildred, with an appeal in +her blue eyes that few resisted. + +"Father," said Mrs. Atwood, as soon as her husband came in, "Miss +Jocelyn wishes to go with us to meeting to-morrow. Can't you or +Roger tidy up the wagon a bit? 'Tain't fit for her to ride in." + +"There'tis again--more time spent in fixing up and fussing than +in looking after the main chance. You are all gettin' too fine for +plain farmin' people." + +"I don't see why plain farming people need enjoy mud more'n other +folks. You ought to be ashamed to ask your wife and daughter to +ride in such a wagon." + +"I don't know why I should be more ashamed to-morrow than on any +other Sunday, and you was never ashamed before. Your boarders don't +seem inclined to take any rides and pay for them, so I don't see +why I should fix up any more'n usual. Anyhow, it's too late now; +Jotham's gone home, I'm too tired, and Roger's dressed to go out. +Why can't she go with Roger?" + +"She says she'd rather go with us, and if you men-folk let her +ride in that wagon I hope the minister will give you a scorching +sermon"--and she turned toward her son, who, dressed in his rural +finery, was finishing an early supper, To her surprise he, from +whom she expected no aid, gave her a significant nod and put his +finger on his lips. He had already decided upon one bold stratagem, +in the hope of opening Mildred's eyes, and if this failed his +mother's words suggested another line of policy. + +"Sue," he said, with affected carelessness, "I may bring Amelia +Stone to spend part of the evening with you." + +"Amelia Stone isn't my style, if the young men do say she's the +prettiest girl in town." + +"If you don't treat her well she'll think you're jealous," said +Roger, and with this artful stroke he departed to carry out his +experiment. "I'll teach my city lady that I'm not a clodhopper that +other girls won't look at," he thought as he drove away. + +Everything went according to his mind, for Amelia broke an engagement +in order to come with him, and was very friendly. The young fellow +thought that Mildred must see that he was not a person to be politely +ignored when so handsome a girl was flattering in her favors. +Susan would not be thought jealous for the world, and so was rather +effusive over Miss Stone. She also imbibed the idea that it might +be a good chance to make Mildred aware that they knew some nice, +stylish people; therefore, as the rural beauty mounted the steps of +the porch she introduced her to Mildred and Belle. Roger meanwhile +stood near, and critically compared the two, girls. They certainly +represented two very different types, and he might have brought a +score of his acquaintances that would have been more to Mildred's +taste than the florid beauty whose confidence was boldness, and +who had inventoried her own pronounced charms more often than had +any of her admirers. One girl was a lily, with a character like +a delicate, elusive fragrance; the other, a tulip, very striking, +especially at a distance. The one no more asserted herself than did +the summer evening; the manner of the other the same as button-holed +all present, and demanded attention. Her restless black eyes openly +sought admiration, and would speedily sparkle with anger and malice +should their request be unrewarded. Roger was quick enough to feel +Mildred's superiority, although he could scarcely account for it, +and he soon experienced so strong a revulsion of feeling toward +his unconscious ally that he would have taken her home again with +a sense of relief. + +"If Miss Jocelyn thinks that's the style of girl that takes with +me, I might as well have remained a scarecrow. Amelia Stone seems +loud as a brass band beside her," and his gallantries perceptibly +diminished. + +True to her nature, Amelia assumed toward him what she imagined +were very pretty airs of proprietorship. Eoger knew well that her +manner would have been the same toward the youth with whom, from +a sudden caprice, she had broken her engagement for the evening. +Her habitual coquetry nevertheless unwittingly carried out his +original programme with a success that made him grind his teeth +with rage, for he supposed that Mildred would gain the idea that +they were congenial spirits drawn together by strong affinities. + +And she, half divining his vexation, shrewdly increased it by +pretending to associate him with the transparent coquette, while +at the same time manifesting disapproval of her by a fine reserve. +Amelia felt herself scanned quietly, coldly, and half curiously, +as if she belonged to some strange and hitherto unknown type, and +her vivacious egotism began to fail her. She was much relieved +therefore when Mildred excused herself and went to her room, +for careless, light-hearted, and somewhat giddy Belle imposed no +restraint. Roger, however, did not recover himself, for he saw that +he had made a false step in his effort to win recognition from +Mildred, and he waited impatiently until his companion should suggest +returning. This she soon did, and they rode toward her home with +a mutual sense of dissatisfaction. At last Amelia broke out, "I +think she's absurdly proud!" + +"Who?" Eoger asked demurely. + +"You know who well enough. I thank my stars we have no city folks +putting on airs around our house. I suppose you think her perfection. +You looked as if you did." + +"I'm not acquainted with her," he said quietly. + +"Not acquainted! Darsn't you speak to her high mightiness then?" + +"Oh, yes, I can speak to her when there is occasion, but that does +not make one acquainted. I don't understand her." + +"I do, perfectly. She thinks herself a wonderful deal better than +you or me." + +"Perhaps she is," he admitted. + +"Well! that's a nice speech to make to ME! I was a fool to break +my engagement and go with you." + +"All right," responded Eoger, with satirical good-nature, as he +assisted her to alight; "we'll both know better next time." + +She would not speak to Mm again, but he escorted her to her door, +and bowed in parting with mocking politeness. Instead of inviting +him in, as was her custom, she closed the door with a sharpness +that spoke volumes. + +"I don't believe Miss Jocelyn ever banged a door like that in her +life," he muttered with a smile as he hastened homeward. + +Hearing unusual sounds in the farmyard before retiring, Mildred +peeped out from under her curtain. The moonlight revealed that +Roger was washing the wagon with a vigor that made her laugh, and +she thought, "After what I have seen this evening, I think I can +civilize him." + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +CHANGES + + +Bent upon carrying out her project of introducing among the Atwoods +a more gracious and genial family life, and lured by the fresh +coolness of the summer morning, Mildred left her room earlier than +usual. Mrs. Atwood, whose one indulgence was a longer sleep on +the day of rest, came down not very long after and began bustling +about the kitchen. Hitherto their meals had been served to the +Jocelyns in the sitting-room, the farmer and his family eating +as before in the kitchen. Mildred felt that they had no right to +impose this extra labor on Mrs. Atwood, especially on the Sabbath, +and she also thought it would do her mother good to be roused from +the listless apathy into which she was sinking. These were her +chief motives, but she knew that at no other place could people be +taught the refinements of life more effectually than at the table, +and it was her plan to bring about the changes she desired, without +appearing to be the conscious cause. + +"Mrs. Atwood," she said, "why can we not all take our breakfast +together in the sitting-room this morning? I have noticed that +your hired man is absent on Sundays"--her zeal for reform would +not induce her to sit down with Jotham--"and I can see no reason +why you should have the task to-day of preparing two meals. Of +course, if this is not agreeable to you let there be no change, +but do not put yourself to the extra trouble on our account." + +"Well, now, miss, you are very kind, and to tell you the truth, I +was thinking of this very thing, but we don't wish to intrude." + +"Intrude, Mrs. Atwood!" exclaimed Mildred, assuming surprise. "I +don't understand you, and shall now feel hurt if we do not take +our meals together to-day." + +"It's very good of you to think of us, and Susan and me will have +a more restful day." + +Mildred gave her one of her rare smiles, which Mrs. Atwood said +"lighted up the old kitchen like a ray of sunshine," and then went +to prepare her mother and sister for the change. Belle was pleased, +as she ever was with novelty. + +"Millie," she cried, "you shall sit next to that great animal, +Jotham, and if you don't take care he'll eat you unawares." + +"Jotham is not here to-day, and I'll have him fed in the kitchen +hereafter." + +"Have you become mistress of the farmhouse? Has Roger made proposals? +Won't it be fun to hear Mr. Atwood grumble! There is nothing I enjoy +more than to hear him grumble and old Gruff growl. They must be +chips off the same block." + +Mrs. Jocelyn shrank from seeing and speaking to any one, bat was +much too unselfish to impose extra tasks on Mrs. Atwood. + +Susan soon came down to assist her mother, and was delighted at the +prospect of taking her meals in the sitting-room, feeling that it +was a decided social promotion. Moreover, like all young girls, +she longed for companionship, and believed that Mildred would now +be more approachable. + +By and by Roger came from the barnyard in his working-clothes, and +seeing no preparations for breakfast in the kitchen, exclaimed: + +"So we heathen must sit down to the second table to-day." + +"Yes, if you wish. Susan and me are going to take our breakfast in +the sitting-room with Mrs. Jocelyn and her family." + +"Am I not invited?" he asked a little anxiously. + +"There's no need of any invitation. You have as much right there +as I have, only I would not come in looking like that." + +"They won't like it--this new arrangement." + +"It seems to me that you have grown very considerate of what they +like," put in Susan. + +"Miss Jocelyn proposed it herself," Mrs. Atwood said, "and if you +and father would fix up a little and come in quietly and naturally +it would save a deal of trouble. If I can't get a little rest on +Sunday I'll wear out." + +Roger waited to hear no more, and went hastily to his room. + +Mr. Atwood was more intractable. He distinguished the Sabbath from +the rest of the week, by making the most of his larger leisure to +grumble. + +"I'm in no state to sit down with those people," he growled, after +the change and the reasons for it had been explained to him. + +"I'm glad you feel so," his wife replied; "but your old clothes +have not yet grown fast to you; you can soon fix yourself up, and +you might as well dress before breakfast as after it." + +He was perverse, however, and would make no greater concession to +the unwelcome innovation than to put on his coat. Mildred smiled +mentally when she saw him lowering at the head of the table, but an +icicle could no more continue freezing in the sun than he maintain +his surly mood before her genial, quiet greeting. It suggested +courtesy so irresistibly, and yet so unobtrusively, that he already +repented his lack of it. Still, not for the world would he have +made any one aware of his compunctions. Mrs. Atwood and Susan had +their doubts about Roger, fearing that he would rebel absolutely +and compel a return to their former habits. They were all scarcely +seated, however, before he appeared, a little flushed from his +hasty toilet and the thought of meeting one who had been cold and +disapproving toward the belle of Forestville, but Mildred said +"good-morning" so affably and naturally that he was made quite at +ease, and Mrs. Jocelyn, who had seemed unapproachable, smiled upon +him so kindly that he was inclined to believe her almost as pretty +as her daughter. As for Belle and the children, he already felt +well acquainted with them. Mrs. Atwood and Susan looked at each +other significantly, for Roger was dressed in his best and disposed +to do his best. Mildred saw the glance, and felt that the young +fellow deserved some reward, so she began talking to him in such +a matter-of-course way that before he was aware he was responding +with a freedom that surprised all the family, and none more than +himself. Mildred was compelled to admit that the "young barbarian," +as she had characterized him in her thoughts, possessed, in the item +of intelligence, much good raw material. He not only had ideas, +but also the power of expressing them, with freshness and vivacity. +She did not give herself sufficient credit for the effects that +pleased her, or understand that it was her good breeding and good +will that banished his tongue-tied embarrassment. The most powerful +influences are usually the most subtle, and Roger found, as had +Vinton Arnold and others, that for some cause Mildred evoked the +best there was in him. + +Poor Mrs. Jocelyn did not have very much to say. Her depression +was too deep to be thrown off appreciably, but she replied to Mrs. +Atwood's remarks with her wonted gentleness. Belle's spirits soon +passed all bounds, and one of her wild sallies provoked a grim +smile from even Mr. Atwood, and she exulted over the fact all day. +In brief, the ice seemed quite broken between the family and the +"boarders." + +The old farmer could scarcely believe his eyes when he went out +to harness the horses to the three-seated wagon, for it was neat +and clean, with buffalo robes spread over the seats. "Well," he +ejaculated, "what's a-coming over this here family, anyway? I'm +about all that's left of the old rusty times, and rusty enough I +feel, with everybody and everything so fixed up. I s'pose I'll have +to stand it Sundays, and the day'll be harder to git through than +ever. To-morrow I'll be back in the kitchen again, and can eat my +victuals without Miss Jocelyn looking on and saying to herself, +'He ain't nice; he don't look pretty'; and then a-showin' me by the +most delicate little ways how I ought to perform. She's got Roger +under her thumb or he wouldn't have cleaned up this wagon in the +middle of the night, for all I know, but I'm too old and set to be +made over by a girl." + +Thus grumbling and mumbling to himself, Mr. Atwood prepared to take +his family to the white, tree-shadowed meeting-house, at which he +seldom failed to appear, for the not very devotional reason that +it helped him to get through the day. Like the crab-apple tree in +the orchard, he was a child of the soil, and savored too much of +his source. + +Roger was of finer metal, and while possessing his father's shrewdness, +hard common-sense and disposition to hit the world between the eyes +if it displeased him, his nature was ready at slight incentive, +to throw off all coarseness and vulgarity. The greater number of +forceful American citizens are recruited from the ranks of just +such young men--strong, comparatively poor, somewhat rude in mind +and person at the start, but of such good material that they are +capable of a fine finish. + +Roger had grown naturally, and healthily, thus far. He had surpassed +the average boy on the play-ground, and had fallen slightly below +him in the school-house, but more from indifference and self-assurance +than lack of ability. Even his father's narrow thrift could not +complain of his work when he would work, but while a little fellow +he was inclined to independence, and persisted in having a goodly +share of his time for the boyish sports in their season, and for +all the books of travel and adventure he could lay his hands upon. +In spite of scoldings and whippings he had sturdily held his own, +and at last his father had discovered that Roger could be led much +better than driven, and that by getting him interested, and by +making little agreements, like that concerning the buggy, the best +of the bargain could always be obtained, for the youth would then +work with a will and carry out his verbal contracts in a large, +good-natured way. Therefore Mildred's belief that he was good raw +material for her humanizing little experiment had a better foundation +than she knew. Indeed, without in the least intending it, she might +awaken a spirit that would assert itself in ways as yet undreamed +of by either of them. The causes which start men upon their careers +are often seemingly the most slight and causal. Mildred meant nothing +more than to find a brief and kindly-natured pastime in softening +the hard lives and in rounding the sharp angles of the Atwood +family, and Roger merely came in for his share of her attention. +Flesh and spirit, however, are not wood and stone, and she might +learn in deep surprise that her light aesthetic touches, while +producing pleasing changes in externals, had also awakened some +of the profoundest motives and forces that give shape and color to +life. + +In smiling ignorance of such possibilities, she said to him as +she came out on the porch dressed for church, "You have given your +mother and me also a pleasant surprise, and we shall enjoy our ride +to church far more, not only because the wagon is nice and clean, +but also because of your thoughtfulness of our pleasure. The wagon +looked so inviting from our windows that I have induced my mother +to go, and to take the children. I think they will keep still. We +will sit near the door, and I can take them out if they get tired." + +Her words were very simple, but she spoke them with a quiet grace +all her own, while pulling her glove over a hand that seemed too +small and white for any of the severer tasks of life. As she stood +there in her pretty summer costume, a delicate bloom in her cheeks +relieving the transparent fairness of her complexion, she seemed to +him, as Amelia Stone had said, perfect indeed--and the young girl +could not suppress a smile at the almost boyish frankness of his +admiration. + +"You gave me a pleasant surprise, also," he said, flushing deeply. + +"I?" with a questioning glance. + +"Yes. You have brought about a pleasant change, and made breakfast +something more than eating. You have made me feel that I might be +less nigh of kin to Jotham than I feared." + +"I shall imitate your frankness," she replied, laughing; "you are +not near so nigh of kin to him as I feared." + +"I have not forgotten that you thought me identical with him," he +could not forbear saying. + +"I did not mean to hurt your feelings," she answered, with deepening +color. + +"Oh, you were not to blame in the least," he said good-naturedly. +"I deserved it." + +"You must remember, too," she continued, deprecatingly, "that +I am a city girl, and not acquainted with country ways, and so +have charity." Then she added earnestly, "We do not want to put a +constraint on your family life, or make home seem less homelike to +you all." + +Mrs. Jocelyn with Belle and the children were descending the stairs. +"I misunderstood you, Miss Jocelyn," said Roger, with a penitent +look, and he hastily strode away. + +"I've disarmed him," thought Mildred, with a half smile. She had, +a little too completely. + +Belle claimed her old place with Roger, and their light wagon was +soon lost in the windings of the road. + +"Millie," whispered Belle, as the former joined her at church, "what +could you have said to Roger to make him effervesce so remarkably? +I had to remind him that it was Sunday half a dozen times." + +"What a great boy he is!" answered Mildred. + +"The idea of my teaching him sobriety seemed to amuse him amazingly." + +"And no wonder. You are both giddy children." + +"Until to-day, when you have turned his head, he has been very aged +in manner. Please let him alone hereafter; he is my property." + +"Keep him wholly," and the amused look did not pass from Mildred's +face until service began. + +Dinner was even a greater success than breakfast. Mrs. Jocelyn had +become better acquainted with Mrs. Atwood during the drive, and they +were beginning to exchange housekeeping opinions with considerable +freedom, each feeling that she could learn from the other. Fearing +justly that a long period of poverty might be before them, Mrs. +Jocelyn was awakening to the need of acquiring some of Mrs. Atwood's +power of making a little go a great way, and the thought of thus +becoming able to do something to assist her absent husband gave +her more animation than she had yet shown in her exile. Mildred +ventured to fill her vase with some hardy flowers that persisted +in blooming under neglect, and to place it on the table, and she +was greatly amused to see its effect on Roger and Mr. Atwood. The +latter stared at it and then at his wife. + +"Will any one take some of the flowers?" he asked at last, in +ponderous pleasantry. + +"I think we all had better take some, father," said Roger. "I would +not have believed that so little a thing could have made so great +a difference." + +"Well, what is the difference?" + +"I don't know as I can express it, but it suggests that a great +deal might be enjoyed that one could not put in his mouth or his +pocket." + +"Mr. Roger," cried Belle, "you are coming on famously. I didn't +know that you were inclined, hitherto, to put everything you liked +in your mouth or pocket. What escapes some people may have had." + +"I never said I liked you," retorted the youth, with a touch of the +broad repartee with which he was accustomed to hold his own among +the girls in the country. + +"No, but if I saw that you liked some one else I might be alarmed"--and +she looked mischievously toward Mildred. + +For reasons inexplicable to himself, he fell into a sudden confusion +at this sally. + +With a warning glance at the incorrigible Belle, whose vital +elements were frolic and nonsense, Mildred began talking to Mr. +Atwood about the great hotel a few miles distant. + +"Would you like to go there?" asked Roger after a little. + +"No," she said; "I have not the slightest wish to go there." Indeed +there was nothing that she shrank from more than the chance of +meeting those who had known her in the city. + +Later in the day Susan said to her mother, with much satisfaction, +"She's not stuck up at all, and we might have found it out before. +I can't go back to the kitchen and live in our old haphazard way. +I can see now that it wasn't nice at all." + +"We'll see," said the politic Mrs. Atwood. "We mustn't drive father +too fast." + +Roger felt that at last he was getting acquainted, and he looked +forward to the long summer evening with much hope. But nothing +happened as he expected, for Mildred was silent and preoccupied +at supper, and Mrs. Jocelyn appeared to have relapsed into her old +depression. + +Instead of going out in his buggy to spend the evening with one +of his many favorites, as had been his custom, he took a book and +sat down under a tree near the porch, so that he might join Mildred +if she gave him any encouragement to do so. Belle found him taciturn +and far removed from his gay mood of the morning, and so at last +left him in peace. + +Sue was entertaining a rural admirer in the parlor, which was rarely +used except on such momentous occasions, and all was propitious for +a quiet talk with the object of his kindling interest. His heart +beat quickly as he saw her appear on the porch with her hat and +shawl, but instead of noticing him she went rapidly by with bowed +head and climbed an eminence near the house, from which there was +an extended view to the southward. He felt, as well as saw, that +she wished to be alone, that he was not in her thoughts, that she +was still as distant from him as he had ever imagined her to be. The +shadows deepened, the evening grew dusky, the stars came out, and +yet she did not return. For a long time he could see her outline +as she sat on the hill top, and then it faded. He knew she was +in trouble, and found a vague pleasure in watching with her, in +remaining within call should she be frightened, knowing, however, +that there was little danger of this in quiet Forestville. Still, +the illusion that he was in some sense her protector pleased him +in his sentimental mood, and in after years he often recalled this +first faint foreshadowing of his lot. + +Could he have seen the poor girl, when at last, conscious of +solitude and darkness, she gave way to the passionate grief that, +for her mother's sake, she had so long repressed, he would have +felt that she was distant indeed--far removed by experiences of +which he as yet knew nothing. She had been gazing southward, toward +the city in which her father was vainly seeking a foothold on the +steep incline up which the unfortunate must struggle, and in fancy +she saw him lonely, dejected, and deprived of the family life of +which he was so fond. Her sympathy for him was as deep as her strong +affection. But in spite of her will her thoughts would recur to +the beautiful dream which had been shattered in that distant city. +Not a word had she heard from Arnold since leaving it, and her +heart so misgave her concerning the future that she threw herself +on the sod, sobbing bitterly, and almost wishing that she were +beneath it and at rest. In the deep abstraction of her grief she +had scarcely noted the lapse of time, nor where she was, and the +moon had risen when she again glided by Roger, her step and bearing +suggesting lassitude and dejection. + +Soon after he entered the sitting-room, where he found his mother +with a troubled look on her face. "Roger," she said, "I feel sorry +for these people. When I went upstairs a while ago I heard Mrs. +Jocelyn crying in her room, and coming down with the lamp I met the +young lady on the stairs, and her eyes were very red. It's certain +they are in deep trouble. What can it be? It's queer Mr. Jocelyn +doesn't come to see them. I hope they are all right." + +"Mother," he burst out impetuously, "they are all right--she is, +anyway," and he went abruptly to his room. + +"Well," remarked the bewildered woman sententiously, "there never +were such goings on in the old house before." + +An event momentous to her had indeed taken place--Roger's boyish +days were over. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +NEITHER BOY NOR MAN + + +The two following weeks passed uneventfully at the farmhouse, but +silent forces were at work that were as quiet and effective as those +of Nature, who makes her vital changes without ever being observed +in the act. In respect to the domestic arrangements Mrs. Atwood +effected a sensible compromise. She gave the men-folk an early +breakfast in the kitchen, so that they might go to their work +as usual, and her boarders were thus not compelled to rise at +an unaccustomed hour. She and Susan afterward sat down with them, +and Mr. Atwood and Roger joined them at dinner and supper. On the +Monday following the scenes described in the last chapter, Mildred +and Mrs. Jocelyn were listless and unable to recover even the +semblance of cheerfulness, for a letter from Mr. Jocelyn informed +them that he was making very little headway, and that some agencies +which he accepted yielded but a scanty income. Mildred chafed more +bitterly than ever over her position of idle waiting, and even grew +irritable under it. More than once Roger heard her speak to Belle +and the children with a sharpness and impatience which proved +her not angelic. This did not greatly disturb him, for he neither +"wanted to be an angel" nor wished to have much to do with +uncomfortable perfection. A human, spirited girl was quite to his +taste, and he was quick-witted enough to see that unrest and anxiety +were the causes of her temper. Poor Mrs. Jocelyn was too gentle for +irritation, and only grew more despondent than ever at hope deferred. + +"Millie," she said, "I have dreadful forebodings, and can never +forgive myself that I did not think night and day how to save instead +of how to spend. What should we do if we had no money at all?" + +"Belle and I must go to work," said Mildred, with a resolute face, +"and it's a shame we are not at work now." + +"What can you do when your father can do so little?" + +"Other poor people live; so can we. I can't stand this wretched +waiting and separation much longer," and she wrote as much to her +father. In the hope of obtaining a response favorable to her wishes +she became more cheerful. Every day increased her resolution to +put an end to their suspense, and to accept their lot with such +fortitude as they could command. + +One morning she found Mr. and Mrs. Atwood preparing to go to the +nearest market town with butter, eggs, and other farm produce. +She readily obtained permission to accompany them, and made some +mysterious purchases. From this time onward Roger observed that +she was much in her room, and that she went out more for exercise +than from the motive of getting through with the weary, idle hours. +For some reason she also gained such an influence over thoughtless +Belle that the latter took tolerably good care of little Fred +and Minnie, as the children were familiarly called. While she +maintained toward him her polite and friendly manner, he saw that +he was forgotten, and that it had not entered her mind that he +could ever do anything for her or be anything more to her than at +the present time. But every hour she gained a stronger hold upon +his sympathy, and occasionally, when she thought herself unobserved, +he saw a troubled and almost fearful look come into her eyes, as if +something were present to her imagination that inspired the strongest +dread. At such times he was mastered by impulses of self-sacrifice +that would have seemed very absurd if put into plain words. He +kept his thoughts, however, to himself, and with an instinctive +reticence sought to disguise even from his mother the feelings that +were so new, and so full of delicious pain. That he was becoming +quite different from the careless, self-satisfied young fellow that +he had been hitherto was apparent to all, and after his outburst +on Sunday evening his mother half guessed the cause. But he misled +her to some extent, and Susan altogether, by saying, "I've had a +falling-out with Amelia Stone." + +"Well, she's the last girl in the world that I'd mope about if I +were a man," was his sister's emphatic reply. + +"You're not a man; besides I'm not moping. I'm only cutting my +wisdom teeth. I want to do something in the world, and I'm thinking +about it." + +"He's a-growing," said his mother with a smile, and on this theory +she usually explained all of her son's vagaries. + +He still further misled his unsophisticated sister by making no +special effort to seek Mildred's society. After one or two rather +futile attempts he saw that he would alienate the sad-hearted +girl by obtrusive advances, and he contented himself by trying +to understand her, in the hope that at some future time he might +learn to approach her more acceptably. The thought that she would +soon leave the farmhouse depressed him greatly. She had suggested +to him a new and wholly different life from that which he had led +hitherto, and he felt within himself no power or inclination to +go on with his old ways. These thoughts he also brooded over in +silence, and let himself drift in a current which seemed irresistible. + +During this period he was under the influence of neither apathy nor +dejection. On the contrary, his mind was surging with half-formed +plans, crude purposes, and ambitious dreams. His horizon lifted +from the farm and Forestville until there seemed space for a notable +career. His soul kindled at the thought of winning a position that +would raise him to Mildred's side. So far from fearing to burn his +ships, and strike out unsupported, the impulse grew strong to make +the attempt at any cost. He was sure that his father would not +listen to the project, and that he would be wholly unaided, but +riot many days passed before the thought of such obstacles ceased +to influence him. "I'll take my way through the world, and cut +my own swath," he muttered a hundred times as he swung the scythe +under the July sun. + +Moreover, he had a growing belief in his power to climb the heights +of success. His favorite books of travel and adventure that he had +devoured in boyhood made almost anything seem possible, and the +various biographies that the village library furnished revealed +grand careers in the face of enormous obstacles. His mind was awaking +like a young giant eager for achievement. Even after the toil of +long, hot days he took up his old school-books in the solitude of +his room, and found that he could review them with the ease with +which he would read a story. "I've got some brains as well as +muscle," he would mutter, exultantly. "The time shall come when +Mildred Jocelyn won't mistake me for Jotham." + +Poor Mr. Atwood would have been in consternation had he known +what was passing in his son's mind; and Mildred even less pleased, +for after all it was she who had inspired the thoughts which were +transforming him from a simple country youth into an ambitious, +venturesome man. + +He knew of but one way to please her, but he made the most of +that, and worked quietly but assiduously whenever he could without +exciting his father's opposition. After the day's tasks were over +the time was his own. He began by cutting all the weeds and grass +in the door-yard and around the house. Palings that had disappeared +from the fence were replaced, and all were whitewashed. + +Mrs. Atwood and Susan were greatly pleased at the changes, but thought +it politic not to say much about them; one evening, however, his +father began to banter him, remarking that Roger must be intending +to "bring home a wife some fine morning." The young fellow reddened +resentfully, and brusquely retorted that they "had lived in their +old slovenly way long enough. People might well think they were +going to the bad." This practical view somewhat reconciled his +father to the new ideas, and suggested that Roger was not so daft +as he feared. A little time after he was led to believe his son to +be shrewder than himself. Needing some money, he took a note to the +bank with much misgiving, but was agreeably surprised when one of +the officers said affably, "I think we can accommodate you, Mr. +Atwood. I was by your place the other day, and it is so improved +that I scarcely knew it. Thrift and credit go together." + +But Mildred doubted whether thrift and policy were the only motives +which had led to Roger's unwonted action, and believed rather that +he had awakened to a perception of the value and attractiveness +of those things which hitherto he had not appreciated. This, in a +sense, was already true, but had she known to what extent she was +in his thoughts she would not have smiled so complacently when, +on the Saturday morning after the completion of his other labors, +she noted that the weed-choked flower-borders along the walk had +been cleaned and neatly rounded up, and the walk itself put in +perfect order. "The flower-beds remind me of himself," she thought, +as from time to time she glanced at them through her open window. +"They contain a good deal of vacant space, and suggest what might +be there rather than what is. Would to heaven, though, that Mr. +Arnold had more of his muscle and decision. If Vinton were only +different, how different all the future might be! But I fear, +I fear. We have not enough money to last all summer if we remain +here, and father writes so discouragingly. Thank God, I'm no longer +idle, whether anything comes of my work or not," and the delicate +piece of fancy work grew rapidly in her deft hands. + +Toward evening she started out for a walk, but uttered an exclamation +of surprise as she saw the flower-borders were bright with verbenas, +heliotrope, geraniums, and other bedding plants. Roger's buggy +stood near, containing two large empty boxes, and he was just raking +the beds smooth once more in order to finish his task. + +"Why, Mr. Atwood!" she cried, "it has long seemed to me that a good +fairy was at work around the house, but this is a master-stroke." + +"If you are pleased I am well repaid," he replied, the color +deepening on his sunburned cheeks. + +"If I am pleased?" she repeated in surprise, and with a faint +answering color. "Why, all will be pleased, especially your mother +and Susan." + +"No doubt, but I thought these would look more like what you have +been accustomed to." + +"Really, Mr. Atwood, I hope you have not put yourself to all this +trouble on my account." + +"I have not put myself to any trouble. But you are in trouble, Miss +Jocelyn, and perhaps these flowers may enliven you a little." + +"I did not expect such kindness, such thoughtfulness. I do not see +that I am entitled to so much consideration," she said hesitatingly, +at the same time fixing on him a penetrating glance. + +Although he was much embarrassed, his clear black eyes met hers +without wavering, and he asked, after a moment: "Could you not +accept it if it were given freely?" + +"I scarcely understand you," she replied in some perplexity. + +"Nor do I understand you, Miss Jocelyn. I wish I did, for then I +might do more for you." + +"No, Mr. Atwood," she answered gravely, "you do not understand me. +Experience has made me immeasurably older than you are." + +"Very possibly," he admitted, with a short, embarrassed laugh. "My +former self-assurance and complacency are all gone." + +"Self-reliance and self-restraint are better than self-assurance," +she remarked with a smile. + +"Miss Jocelyn," he began, with something like impetuosity, "I would +give all the world if I could become your friend. You could do so +much for me." + +"Mr. Atwood," said Mildred, with a laugh that was mixed with +annoyance, "you are imposed upon by your fancy, and are imagining +absurd things, I fear. But you are good-hearted and I shall be a +little frank with you. We are in trouble. Business reverses have +overtaken my father, and we are poor, and may be much poorer. I may +be a working-woman the rest of my days; so, for Heaven's sake, do +not make a heroine out of me. That would be too cruel a satire on +my prosaic lot." + +"You do not understand me at all, and perhaps I scarcely understand +myself. If you think my head is filled with sentimental nonsense, +time will prove you mistaken. I have a will of my own, I can assure +you, and a way of seeing what is to be seen. I have seen a great +deal since I've known you. A new and larger world has been revealed +to me, and I mean to do something in it worthy of a man. I can +never go on with my old life, and I will not," he continued, almost +passionately. "I was an animal. I was a conceited fool. I'm very +crude and unformed now, and may seem to you very ridiculous; but +crudity is not absurdity, undeveloped strength is not weakness. An +awakening mind may be very awkward, but give me time and you will +not be ashamed of my friendship." + +He had ceased leaning against a tree that grew near the roadway, +and at some distance from the house. In his strong feeling he forgot +his embarrassment, and assumed an attitude so full of unconscious +power that he inspired a dawning of respect; for, while he seemed +a little beside himself, there was a method in his madness which +suggested that she, as well as the young man, might eventually discover +that he was not of common clay and predestined to be commonplace. +But she said, in all sincerity, "Mr. Atwood, I'm sure I wish you +twice the success you crave in life, and I've no reason to think +you overrate your power to achieve it; but you greatly overrate me. +It would be no condescension on my part to give you my friendship; +and no doubt if you attain much of the success you covet you will +be ready enough to forget my existence. What induces you to think +that a simple girl like me can help you? It seems to me that you +are vague and visionary, which perhaps is natural, since you say +you are just awaking," she concluded, with a little smiling sarcasm. + +"You are unjust both to yourself and to me," he replied firmly, +"and I think I can prove it. If I shall ever have any power in +the world it will be in seeing clearly what is before me. I have +seldom been away from this country town, and yet as soon as I saw +you with a mind free from prejudice I recognized your superiority. +I brought the belle of Forestville and placed her by your side, +and I could think of nothing but brazen instruments until I left +her loudness at her father's door. I would not go near her again if +there were not another woman in the world. I saw at a glance that +she was earthenware beside you." + +Mildred now could not forbear laughing openly. "If you lose your +illusions so rapidly," she said, "my turn will come soon, and I +shall be china beside some fine specimen of majolica." + +"You may laugh at me, but you will one day find I am sincere, and +not altogether a fool." + +"Oh, I'm ready to admit that, even now. But you are altogether +mistaken in thinking I can help you. Indeed I scarcely see how I +can help myself. It is a very poor proof of your keen discernment +to associate me with your kindling ambition." + +"Then why had you the power to kindle it? Why do I think my best +thoughts in your presence? Why do I speak to you now as I never +dreamed I could speak? You are giving purpose and direction to my +life, whether you wish it or not, whether you care or not. You may +always be indifferent to the fact, still it was your hand that wakened +me. I admit I'm rather dazed as yet. You may think I'm talking to +you with the frankness--perhaps the rashness--of a boy, since you +are 'immeasurably older,' but the time is not very distant when I +shall take my course with the strength and resolution of a man." + +"I should be sorry to be the very innocent cause of leading you +into thorny paths. I truly think you will find more happiness here +in your quiet country life." + +His only answer was an impatient gesture. + +"Perhaps," she resumed, "if you knew more of the world you would +fear it more. I'm sure I fear it, and with good reason." + +"I do not fear the world at all," he replied. "I would fear to lose +your esteem and respect far more, and, distant as you are from me, +I shall yet win them both." + +"Mr. Atwood, I suppose I have as much vanity as most girls, but +you make me blush. You are indeed dazed, for you appear to take me +for a melodramatic heroine." + +"Pardon me, I do not. I've been to the theatre occasionally, but +you are not at all theatrical. You are not like the heroines of +the novels I've read, and I suppose I've read too many of them." + +"I fear you have," she remarked dryly. "Pray, then, What am I like?" + +"And I may seem to you a hero of the dime style; but wait, don't +decide yet. What are you like? You are gentle, like your mother. +You are exceedingly fond of all that's pretty and refined, so much +so that you tried to introduce a little grace into our meagre, +angular farmhouse life--" + +"Thanks for your aid," interrupted Mildred, laughing. "I must admit +that you have good eyes." + +"You shrink," he resumed, "from all that's ugly, vulgar, or coarse +in life. You are an unhappy exile in our plain home." + +"All which goes to prove what an ordinary and unheroic nature I have. +You will soar far beyond me, Mr. Atwood, for you have portrayed a +very weak character--one that is in love with the niceties of life, +with mere prettiness." + +"You are still laughing at me, but I'm in earnest; and if you mean +what, you say, you understand yourself less than you do me. Why +will you not go to the hotel occasionally? Because with all your +gentleness you are too proud to run the slightest risk of patronage +and pity from those who knew you in your more fortunate days. Why +do you remain in your little hot room so much of the time? I don't +know; but if you will permit a guess, you are working. Every day +you grow less content to sit still in helpless weakness. You are +far braver than I, for I do not fear the world in the least; but, +no matter how much you feared it, you would do your best to the last, +and never yield to anything in it that was low, base, or mean. Oh, +you are very gentle, very delicate, and you will be misunderstood; +but you have the strongest strength there is--a kind of strength +that will carry you through everything, though it cost you dear." + +"And what may that be?" she asked, looking at him now in genuine +wonder. + +"I can't explain exactly what I mean. It is something I've seen +in mother, plain and simple as she is. It's a kind of enduring +steadfastness; it's a patient faithfulness. I should know just where +to find mother, and just what to expect from her, under all possible +circumstances. I should never expect to see you very different from +what you are, no matter what happened. You often have the same look +or expression that she has; and it means to me that you would do +the best you could, although discouraged and almost hopeless. Very +few soldiers will fight when they know the battle is going against +them. You would, as long as you could move a finger." + +"Mr. Atwood, what has put all this into your head? This seems very +strange language from you." + +"It is not so strange as it seems. It comes from the gift on which +I base my hope of success in life. I see clearly and vividly what +is before me, and draw my conclusions. If I see the antlers of a +stag above some bushes, it is not necessary to see the whole animal +to know he is there, and what kind of a creature he is. I'm not a +scholar, Miss Jocelyn, but you must not think I do not know anything +because I work in the corn or the hayfield all day. We have long +winters up here, and I've studied some and read a great deal more. +There are but few books in the village library that I have not +read more or less thoroughly, and some of them many times. Because +I was a careless, conceited fellow a few weeks since, it does not +follow that I'm an ignoramus." + +Mildred was decidedly puzzled. She could not account for the change +in him; and she did not like to think of that to which his words +and feelings pointed. He asked for friendship, but she strongly +doubted whether such a placid regard would long satisfy him. Her +chief impulse was to escape, for the bare thought of words of love +from him or any one except Vinton Arnold was intensely repugnant. +As she glanced around, seeking in what direction she might take +her flight, she saw a gentleman coming rapidly toward the house. +After a second's hesitation she rushed toward him, crying, "Papa, +papa, you are welcome!" + + + + +CHAPTER X + +A COUNCIL + + +Roger saw Miss Jocelyn rush into the arms of a tall, florid gentleman, +whose dark eyes grew moist at the almost passionate warmth of his +daughter's greeting. To Mildred her father's unexpected coming was +thrice welcome, for in addition to her peculiarly strong affection +for him, his presence ended an interview not at all agreeable, and +promised relief from further unwelcome attentions on the part of +Roger. Almost in the moment of meeting, she resolved to persuade +him that his family would be happier with him in the city. This +had been her feeling from the first, but now she was wholly bent on +leaving the farm-house; for with her larger experience and womanly +intuition she read in Roger's frank and still half-boyish face the +foreshadowing of an unwelcome regard which she understood better +than he did. + +While his manner for a few weeks past, and especially his words +during their recent interview, made it clear that he was not the +rough, awkward rustic she had first imagined him to be, he still +seemed very crude and angular. In spite of her love for Vinton Arnold, +which had not abated in the least, he had ceased to be her ideal +man. Nevertheless, his refined elegance, his quiet self-restraint, +his knowledge of the niceties and proprieties of the world to which +she felt she belonged by right, did combine to produce an ideal +in her mind of which she was but half conscious, and beside which +Roger appeared in a repulsive light. She shrank with instinctive +distaste from his very strength and vehemence, and feared that she +would never be safe from interviews like the one just described, +and from awkward, half-concealed gallantries. Even the flowers +he had set out became odious, for they represented a sentiment the +very thought of which inspired aversion. + +A coquette can soon destroy the strong instinct of sacredness and +exclusiveness with which an unperverted girl guards her heart from +all save the one who seems to have the divine right and unexplained +power to pass all barriers. Even while fancy free, unwelcome advances +are resented almost as wrongs and intrusions by the natural woman; +but after a real, or even an ideal image has taken possession of +the heart and imagination, repugnance is often the sole reward of +other unfortunate suitors, and this dislike usually will be felt +and manifested in a proportion corresponding with the obtrusiveness +of the attentions, their sincerity, and the want of tact with which +they are offered. + +To that degree, therefore, that Roger was in earnest, Mildred +shrank from him, and she feared that he would not--indeed, from +his antecedents could not--know how to hide his emotions. His words +had so startled her that, in her surprise and annoyance, she imagined +him in a condition of semi-ambitious and semi-amative ebullition, +and she dreaded to think what strange irruptions might ensue. +It would have been the impulse of many to make the immature youth +a source of transient amusement, but with a sensitive delicacy +she shrank from him altogether, and wished to get away as soon as +possible. Pressing upon her was the sad, practical question of a +thwarted and impoverished life--impoverished to her in the dreariest +sense--and it was intolerable that one who seemed so remote from +her sphere should come and ask that, from her bruised and empty +heart, she should give all sorts of melodramatic sentiment in +response to his crude, ambitious impulses, which were yet as blind +as the mythical god himself. + +Had she seen that Roger meant friendship only when he asked for +friendship, she would not have been so prejudiced against him; +but the fact that this "great boy" was half consciously extending +his hand for a gift which now she could not bestow on the best +and greatest, since it was gone from her beyond recall, appeared +grotesque, and such a disagreeable outcome of her changed fortunes +that she was almost tempted to hate him. There are some questions +on which women scarcely reason--they only feel intensely. + +Mildred, therefore, was heartily glad that Roger did not wait to +be introduced to her father, and that he kept himself aloof from +the reunited family during the evening. She also was pleased that +they were not joined by the Atwoods at the supper-table. That this +considerate delicacy was due to the "young barbarian's" suggestion +she did not dream, but gave good-hearted but not very sensitive +Mrs. Atwood all the credit. As for poor Roger, his quick insight, +his power to guess something of people's thoughts and feelings from +the expression of their faces, brought but little present comfort +or promise for the future. + +"I made a bad impression at the start," he muttered, "and it will +be long before she loses it, if she ever does. She shrinks from me +as from something coarse and rough. She feels that I don't belong +to her world at all. In fact, her father's fine bearing, his erect, +elegant carriage make me feel as if I were but a country lout +in very truth." The reception given to Mr. Jocelyn satisfied Mrs. +Atwood thoroughly that his prolonged absence did not result from +any alienation from his family. They overwhelmed him with caresses, +and either Fred or Minnie could scarcely be kept out of his arms +a moment. + +"Fanny," he said to his wife, "I almost made a vow that I would +not come here until I had secured a position that would give you +all the comforts of life, if not at once its luxuries; but such +positions are occupied, and when one becomes vacant they are filled +by relatives of the firm, or by those who have stronger claims +than I can present. Still my friends are working for me, and I have +the prospect of employment where the compensation will be small at +first, but if I can draw a considerable Southern trade it will be +increased rapidly." + +And yet he sighed while revealing this hopeful outlook, and Mildred +noticed that he sighed more than once during the evening, in spite +of the torrent of affectionate welcome which almost swept him away. + +After Belle and the younger children were sleeping, the husband and +wife with Mildred talked late over their prospects. Mr. Jocelyn +suggested that they should remain in the country, and even that +they should rent a small cottage in Forestville or elsewhere, but +his gentle wife soon proved that on some occasions she could be +decided. + +"No, Martin," she said, with the quiet emphasis which reveals a +purpose not to be combated, "one thing is settled--there must be +no more separation. I have suffered too much during these last few +weeks ever to listen again to such an arrangement. Now that you +are with us once more, I learn that the ache in my heart was caused +not so much by losses and the prospect of poverty as by loneliness +and the feeling that you were left to struggle by yourself. It's +my place to be with you, and I am willing to live anywhere and in +any way. I can see that I might have aided you in providing against +this evil time, but it seems now that I thought only of what we +wanted for each day as it came, and the trouble was that we all got +just what we wanted. Here is the result. Oh, I've thought it over +through long sleepless nights till my heart ached with a pain that +I hope none of you will ever know. But to sit idly here and wait +while you are trying to retrieve my folly is a greater punishment +than I can endure. Give me something to do which will be of help to +you, and I will do it gladly, even though it be in two attic rooms." + +"Mamma's right," added Mildred earnestly. "Papa, you must find a +place for us in New York--a place within our means. Let us begin +life right this time, and I believe God will bless and prosper +us. It won't be many days before Belle and I will find something +to do." + +Mr. Jocelyn sighed more deeply than ever, and, indeed, appeared +so overcome for a few moments that he could not speak. At last +he faltered, "I have all of a Southern man's pride, and it's more +bitter than death to me that my wife and daughters must work for +their bread." + +"Papa," exclaimed Mildred, "would it not be infinitely more bitter +to us all to eat the bread of charity? I shall pretend to no unnatural +heroism, nor say I like toil and poverty. On the contrary, I think +I shrink from such things more than most girls do. But I don't +propose to sit down and wring my hands. I can put them to a better +use. We must just put away all talk of pride and sentiment, and +remember only our poverty and self-respect. As Christian and sensible +people we are bound to accept of our life and make the best of it. +You and mother both know how much this change has cost me," she +concluded, with a few half-stifled sobs, "and if I am willing to +enter on a cheerful, patient effort to make the best of life as it +is, I think all the rest might, too. If we give way to despondency +we are lost. Let us be together again, and pull together as one." + +"The idea of Nan and the children coming back to the city in August!" +said Mr. Jocelyn dejectedly. "You don't either of you realize what +you are talking about. We should have to go into a tenement-house." + +"Martin, I do realize it," replied his wife earnestly. "The country +is doing me no good--indeed I'm failing in health. Nothing does +us good when we are unhappy and anxious. Find me two rooms in a +tenement-house if we cannot afford more, and let us be together as +soon as possible." + +"Well," said Mr. Jocelyn, after a long breath, "with such a wife +and such children to work for a man ought to be able to do great +things; but it's much the same as it was in the army--if one lost +his place in the ranks he was hustled about in everybody's way, +and if weak and disabled he was left to his fate. The world goes +right on and over you if you don't stand aside. I know you've +suffered, Nan, and you know that if I had my wish you would never +have a care or a pain; but God knows I suffered too. After you all +were gone and my duties to my former partners ceased, I began to +learn from experience how difficult it is in these cursed times to +get a foothold, and I became almost sleepless from anxiety. Then +set in that villanous neuralgia, which always strikes a man when +he's down,' and for a week or more it seemed that I should almost +lose my reason. + +"Oh, Martin, Martin!" his wife exclaimed reproachfully, "and you +did not let us know!" + +"Why should I? It would only have added to your burden, and would +not have helped me. I was glad you knew nothing about it." + +"This is another proof that we must be together," said his wife, +her eyes filling with tears. "How did you come to get better?" + +"Oh, the doctor gave me something that made me sleep, and I seldom +have neuralgia now." + +"Come, papa," cried Mildred, as she put her arms around his neck +and leaned her face against his, "there are thousands worse off +than we are, and thousands more have retrieved far worse disasters. +Now take courage; we'll all stand by you, and we'll all help you. +We will one day have a prettier home than ever, and it will be +all our own, so that no one can drive us from it;" and with hope +springing up in her heart she tried to inspire hope and courage in +theirs. + +"Oh, Millie," he said, taking her on his lap, "when you coax and +pet one you are irresistible. We WILL begin again, and win back +all and more than we have lost." + +Then, partly to amuse her father and mother, but more for the +purpose of hastening their departure, Mildred told them of Roger's +peculiar mood, and her conscience smote her a little as she +caricatured rather than characterized the youth. Mrs. Jocelyn, in +her kindliness, took his part, and said, "Millie, you are satirical +and unjust I'm sure he's a well-meaning young man." + +"The dear little mother!" cried Mildred, laughing; "when she can't +think of anything else good to say of a person, she assures us +that he is 'well-meaning.' Life may bring me many misfortunes, but +I shall never marry what mamma calls 'a well-meaning man.'" + +"But, Millie, I'm sure he's been very good and kind to us all, and +he's kind to his mother and sister, and he seems steady--" + +"Well, mamma, admitting it all, what follows?" asked Mildred. + +"It follows that we had better go away," said Mrs. Jocelyn, with +her low, sweet laugh, that had been rarely heard of late; "but I +don't like you to be unjust to the young fellow. After all, he's +not so very much to blame, Millie," she added, with a little nod. +"If I were he I fear I might be in the same fix." + +"Oh, papa, now we must go; for if mamma's sympathies are once +aroused in behalf of this 'steady, well-meaning young man'--there! +I will talk no more nonsense to-night, although I often find +nonsense a sort of life preserver that keeps me from sinking. I +admit, mamma, that I have been unjust to Mr. Atwood. He's far more +clever than I ever imagined him to be, but he's so different"--she +finished the sentence with a little repellent gesture that her +mother well understood. + +They were all comforted, and far more hopeful from their frank +interchange of thought and feeling, and both father and mother +breathed a fervent "God bless you, Millie," as they separated, long +past midnight. + +"God will bless us," said the young girl, "if we will just simply +try to do what is right and best every day. The blessing will come +on doing, not waiting." + +She had not been in her room very long before hearing the crunching +of gravel under the wheels of Roger's buggy. With a smile she +thought, "He must have found a more sympathizing ear and heart than +mine to have remained out so late." + + + + +CHAPTER XI + +A SHADOW + + +"Mrs. Atwood," said Mildred the next morning, "I want to thank +you for your kindness in giving us our supper alone with papa the +first evening of his arrival; but you need not put yourself to any +extra trouble to-day." + +"Roger is the one to thank," replied Mrs. Atwood. "He's grown so +different, so considerate like, that I scarcely know him any more +than I do the old place he's so fixed up. He says he's going to +paint the house after the summer work slacks off. I don't see what's +come over him, but I like the change very much." + +Mildred flushed slightly, but said, with some constraint, "Please +thank him then from papa and mamma, but do not let us make you +further trouble. We shall all return to the city soon, and then +you will have easier times every way." + +"I'm sorry to hear that, Miss Jocelyn, for we shall miss you all +very much. You've done us good in more ways than one." + +Roger did not appear at breakfast. "A young horse strayed from the +pasture, and Roger is out looking for him," his mother explained +when Mrs. Jocelyn asked after him. + +Although not a member of any church, Mr. Jocelyn had great respect +for his wife and daughter's faith, and accompanied them to service +that morning very readily. Roger appeared in time to take Belle, +as usual, but she found him so taciturn and preoccupied that she +whispered to Mildred, "You've spoiled him for me. He sits staring +like an owl in the sunlight, and seeing just about as much. You +ought to be ashamed of yourself to make him so glum. I intend to +have a dozen beaux, and to keep them all jolly." + +Mildred was obliged to admit to herself that the young fellow was +very undemonstrative at dinner, and that he did not exhibit the +rusticity that she half hoped to see. She gained the impression +that he was observing her father very closely, and that no remark of +his escaped him. "He has the eyes of a lynx," she thought, with a +frown. Still, apart from a certain annoyance at his deep interest in +her and all relating to her, she was rather pleased at the impression +which such a man as her father must make on one so unsophisticated. +Mr. Jocelyn was a finished man of the world, and his large experience +left its impress on all that he said and did. Although a little +courtly in manner, he was so kindly and frank in nature that +his superiority was not at all oppressive, and with true Southern +bonhomie he made the farmer's family quite at ease, leading them +to speak freely of their rural affairs. Susan soon lost all sense +of restraint and began to banter her brother. + +"You must have had a very affecting time in making up with Amelia +Stone to have stayed out so late," she remarked sotto voce. + +"I've not seen Amelia Stone since the evening she was here," he +answered dryly. + +"Indeed! what other charmer then tied you to her apron-strings so +tightly? You are very fickle." + +"Now you've hit it," he answered, with a slight flush. "I was so +undecided that I drove by every door, and was not tied at all." + +Belle "made eyes" at Mildred, as much as to say, "It's you who are +distracting him." + +"Next time," Sue continued, "I think it would be well to make up +your mind before Sunday morning." + +"My mind is made up," replied Roger--Belle looked at Mildred with +an expression of horror, to her intense annoyance--"I shall trouble +no one," he added, quietly. + +Belle now gave such a great sigh of relief that he turned upon her +too swift a glance to leave time for disguise. He smiled a little +bitterly, and then began talking in an off-hand way to Mr. Jocelyn +about the hotel a few miles distant, saying that it had filled +up very rapidly of late. As they rose from the table he remarked, +hesitatingly, "My horse and wagon are at your service this afternoon +or evening if you would like to take a drive." + +Mr. Jocelyn was about to accept, but Mildred trod significantly on +his foot. Therefore he thanked Roger cordially, and said he would +spend a quiet day with his family. + +"I don't wish to be under the slightest obligations to him," +explained Mildred when they were alone; "and Belle," she warned, +"you must stop your nonsense at once. I won't endure another trace +of it." + +"Oh, indeed! I didn't know you were so touchy about him," cried +the girl. "Is it for his sake or your own that you are so careful? +You're stupid not to let him amuse you, since you've spoiled him +for me." + +Her sister made no reply, but gave the giddy child a glance that +quieted her at once. When Mildred was aroused her power over others +was difficult to explain, for, gentle as she was, her will at times +seemed irresistible. + +Roger did not need to be told in so many words that his overtures +of "friendship" had been practically declined. Her tones, her +polite but distant manner revealed the truth clearly. He was sorely +wounded, but, so far from being disheartened, his purpose to win +her recognition was only intensified. + +"I can at least compel her respect and prove myself her equal," he +thought, and instead of lounging or sleeping away the afternoon, as +had been his custom, he took a book and read steadily for several +hours. At last he left his room to aid his father in the evening +labors of the farm-yard, and in doing so would have to pass near +Mr. Jocelyn, who, with his family, was seated under a wide-spreading +tree. The gentleman evidently was in a very genial mood; he was +caressing his children, flattering his wife and Mildred, and rallying +Belle after her own frolicsome humor. Roger thought, as he looked +at them a few moments through the kitchen window, that he had +never seen a happier family, and with a sigh wished that it was his +privilege to join them without being thought an intruder. Mildred's +reserve, however, formed an impassable barrier, and he was hastening +by with downcast eyes, when, to his surprise and the young girl's +evident astonishment, Mr. Jocelyn arose and said, "Ah, Mr. Atwood, +we're glad to see you. Won't you join our little party? I want +to thank you again for offering me your horse and carriage, but +I assure you that a quiet hour like this with one's family after +long separation is happiness enough. Still, as a Southern man, I +appreciate courtesy, and am always ready to respond to it in like +spirit. Moreover, it gives me peculiar pleasure to see a Northern +man developing traits which, if they were general, would make the +two great sections of our land one in truth as well as in name." + +Roger gave Mildred a quick, questioning glance, and saw that she +was regarding her father with much perplexity. + +"Mr. Jocelyn," he said quietly, "the little courtesy of which you +speak has cost me nothing, and if it had it would not be worth the +words you bestow upon it." + +"I do not think of the act itself so much as the spirit, the +disposition it indicates," resumed Mr. Jocelyn in a manner that was +courtly and pronounced, but otherwise natural and quiet enough. "I +do not judge superficially, but look past apparent trifles to the +character they suggest. Moreover, my wife informs me that you have +been very polite to her, and very kind to Belle and the children, +whom you have often taken out to drive without any compensation +whatever. Since you will not make a business matter of such +things, I wish to repay you in the coin which gentleman can always +receive--that of friendly acknowledgments." + +"Then please consider me amply repaid," and with a smile and a bow +he was about to retire. + +"Do not hasten away, sir," Mr. Jocelyn began again. "On this, day of +rest your duties cannot be pressing. I want to assure you further +of the pleasure I have in finding a young man who, so far from being +rendered callous and material by hard and rather homely work, is +alive to all refining influences. The changes in this place for +the better since I was here, and those pretty flowers yonder, all +prove that you have an eye for the beautiful as well as the practical. +My daughter Mildred also informs me that you are cherishing hopes +and ambitions that will eventually enlarge your sphere of life and +take you out into the great world." + +Hitherto Roger's eyes had been fixed keenly and unwaveringly on +Mr. Jocelyn's urbane countenance, as if he would detect the cause +of such unlooked-for words, but at the mention of Mildred's name +his brow and even neck was suffused. "She must have spoken of me +kindly," he thought, "or her father would not be so friendly." But +when a swift glance around revealed that Mrs. Jocelyn was looking +at her husband in perplexity, that Mildred was not even trying to +conceal her vexation and amazement, and that Belle had stuffed her +handkerchief into her mouth to prevent laughter, a spark of anger +glittered in his eyes. His first thought was that Mr. Jocelyn was +indulging in unexpected irony at his expense, and the ready youth +whose social habits had inured him to much chaffing was able to +reply, although a little stiffly and awkwardly, "I suppose most +young men have ambitious hopes of doing something in the world, and +yet that does not prevent mine from seeming absurd. At any rate, +it's clear that I had better reveal them hereafter by deeds rather +than words," and with a very slight bow he strode away, but not so +quickly that he failed to hear Mildred's voice in the exclamation, +"Oh, papa! how could you?" and then followed a paroxysm of laughter +from Belle. + +Roger was deeply incensed, for he believed that Mr. Jocelyn and +Belle were deliberately ridiculing him. That Mildred had repeated +his conversation was evident, but her manner showed that she did +not expect his words to be used against him so openly, and that she +had no part in the cruel sport. The worst he could charge against +her was exclusive pride; and he did Mrs. Jocelyn the justice to +see that she was pained by the whole affair. His face grew rigid +as he finished his work and he muttered, "They shall see that my +pride is equal to theirs: I won't go out of my way a hair-breadth +for them," and he walked in to supper as if he were at home and had +an absolute right to be there. He had been at the table but a few +moments, however, before the aspect of the Jocelyn family began to +puzzle him exceedingly. Belle appeared as if she had been crying; +Mrs. Jocelyn looked perplexed and worried, and in Mildred's eyes +there were anxiety and trouble. Mr. Jocelyn had not lost his serenity +in the least, but his aspect now was grave, and his manner more +courtly than ever. He did not seem inclined to say very much, +however, and had an abstracted, dreamy look as if his thoughts +were far away. When he did speak, Roger thought that Mildred looked +apprehensive, as if fearing that he might again say something +embarrassing, but his words were quiet and measured, betraying no +excitement. The expression of his face, however, seemed unnatural +to Roger's close yet furtive scrutiny. An hour before his eyes had +been bright and dilated, and his countenance full of animation; now +all the light and cheerfulness were fading, and the man seemed to +grow older and graver by moments. Was the dusky pallor stealing +across his features caused by the shadows of evening? Roger thought +not, but a resentful glance from Mildred warned him to curb his +curiosity. + +He was curious, but not in a vulgar or prying way, and his anger was +all gone. He was sure that something was amiss with Mr. Jocelyn, +and that his family also was disturbed and anxious. There had been +none of the incoherency and excitement of a man who had drank too +much, but only a slight exaggeration of the genial traits manifested +at the dinner-table followed by a quietude and abstraction that were +not natural. Mental aberrations, even though slight and temporary, +are instinctively felt by those who are sound and normal in mind. +Still Roger would have charged Mr. Jocelyn's words and manner to +the peculiarities of a stranger, had not his family been perplexed +and troubled also. "There's something wrong about him," he said +to himself as he rose from the table; "he lacks balance, or he's +not well. I half believe that the time will come when that young +girl will be the stay and support of the whole family. You cannot +prevent my friendliness, Miss Jocelyn, any more than you can stop +the sun from shining, and some day it will melt all your reserve +and coldness." He took his volume of history out on the sward near +the porch, resolving to see the end of the domestic drama. His +mother had told him during the day that their "boarders" would soon +depart. He had made no response whatever, but his sinking spirits +revealed to him that in some way his life had become involved with +that of the girl now so distant and repellent. + +He did not turn many leaves, but he sat with the book in his lap +until long after nightfall. The domestic drama apparently had a very +prosaic ending. Mr. Jocelyn and his family returned for a time to +their seats under the trees, but all except the little children +were apparently under some constraint. The latter soon grew sleepy, +and Mrs. Jocelyn took them in to bed. Belle was not long in following +them, darting an ireful glance at Roger in passing, to which he +responded by a rather mocking smile. "We were having a lovely time +till you came, you old marplot," she muttered under her breath. + +Mr. Jocelyn grew more and more quiet until his head sank on +his breast, and it was with difficulty that Mildred aroused him +sufficiently to urge his retiring. At last he took his daughter's +arm and entered the house as if in a dream. The young girl's face +was downcast and averted. As they passed between the youth and the +still glowing west they cast a faint shadow upon him. Though by +no means imaginative, he noted the shadow and thought about it. It +seemed that it still rested on him after they were gone, and that +it might never pass away. His was not a dreamy, fanciful nature, +that could create a score of improbable contingencies, but his +shrewd, strong sense was quick to recognize traces of weakness and +untrustworthiness in those he met, and the impression grew upon him +that Mr. Jocelyn was not a well-balanced man. "If he fails her, I +will not," he murmured. Then with a short laugh he continued, "How +is it that I am ready to admit such a far-reaching claim from one +who repels and dislikes me? I don't know, and I don't care. She +has waked me up; she has the power of calling into action every +faculty I have. Already, I scarcely know myself. I never lived +before, and I feel that I can become a man--perhaps a great man--if +I follow this impulse, and I shall follow it." + +Soon all were sleeping, and mother and daughter were alone. + +"Mamma," said Mildred, in a low, troubled tone, "it seemed to me +that papa acted very strangely this afternoon and evening. Can he +be well?" + +"Oh, Millie," cried the loving, anxious wife, "I fear he is not +well at all; and no wonder, when we think of the long strain he has +been under. Haven't you noticed that his appetite is very poor? +to-night he scarcely ate a mouthful. He has just been trying to keep +up ever since he came, and this afternoon he made unusual effort; +reaction of course followed, and at last he was so weary and troubled +that he could not hide his feelings from us." + +"I suppose you take the right view," said Mildred hesitatingly, +"but papa has not seemed the same this afternoon as at other times +when tired and worried. His gayety was a little extravagant, and +so it might naturally be if it were forced. But I can't understand +his speaking to young Mr. Atwood as he did. Papa never showed such +a lack of tact or delicacy before. I would not dare tell him things +if he spoke of them afterward so inopportunely. I felt as if I +could sink into the ground. And when Belle--who can't help seeing +everything in a ridiculous light--began to laugh he turned and spoke +to her as he has never spoken to any of us before, And yet he did +not seem angry, but his gravity was more oppressive than any amount +of natural anger." + +"Well, Millie, your father is very kind-hearted, and, like all +Southern men, very sensitive to kindness and courtesy. I suppose he +thought that you and Belle had not treated Roger well, and that he +ought to make amends. The real explanation is that he is overstrained +and unhappy, and so cannot act like himself." + +"I do hope he is not going to be ill," faltered Mildred. "Such a +strange lethargy came over him after you left us. Oh, the day is +ending horribly, and it leaves a weight of foreboding on my mind. +I wish we could get away tomorrow, for I feel that Roger Atwood +is watching us, and that nothing escapes him. I know that papa's +manner seemed strange to him as well as to us, and I almost hate +him for his obtrusive and prying interest. Why can't he see that +he's nothing to us, nor we to him, and let us alone?" + +She often recalled these words in after years. + +The wife went to her room and found that her husband was sleeping +quietly. Returning, she said, more cheerily, "I think papa will be +like himself after a good night's sleep, and there's every promise +now that he'll get it; so don't look on the dark side, Millie, nor +worry about that young man. He don't mean to be obtrusive, and I must +say that I think he behaves very well considering. With troubles +like ours, why think of such a transient annoyance? If I only knew +just how I could help your father I would not think about much +else." + +It would have been well indeed if she could have known, for she +would have taken from his pocketbook a small syringe and a bottle +of Magendie's solution of morphia; she would have entreated him +upon her knees, she would have bound him by the strongest oaths to +die rather than to use it again. The secret of all that was peculiar +and unnatural in his conduct can be explained by the fact that +early in the afternoon he went apart for a moment, and with a little +innocent-looking instrument injected into his arm the amount of +the fatal drug which he believed he could enjoy without betraying +himself. + + + + +CHAPTER XII + +VIEWLESS FETTERS + + +Although Mr. Jocelyn had retired so early and slept heavily until +an hour that at the farmhouse was late, the reader knows that +his sleep was not the natural repose which brings freshness and +elasticity. His wife and Mildred, however, did not know this, and +his languor, continued drowsiness, and depression, which even much +effort could not disguise, confirmed their dread of an impending +illness. He saw their anxiety, and took advantage of their fears +to hide his weakness. + +"Yes," he sighed, in response to their gentle solicitude as he pushed +away his almost untasted breakfast, "I suppose my health has been +impaired by worry of mind and the heat in town. I'm better, though, +than I have been. I don't see how you are going to endure the city." + +They both assured him, however, that they would not even consider +any other arrangement except that already agreed upon, and urged +that he should return to town that very day, his wife adding that +just as soon as he had secured rooms within their means she would +join him and prepare them for the family. + +"Oh, Nan," he again said dejectedly, "it's a cruel fate which +compels me to take you to a tenement-house in August." + +"It would be far more cruel to leave me here," his wife answered +earnestly. "I could be happy anywhere if you were your old natural +self once more. Millie and I can both see that struggling alone +and brooding by yourself over your troubles is not good for you," +and her gentle but determined purpose carried the day. + +Mr. Jocelyn was then directed to a somewhat distant field, where +he found Roger, who readily agreed to take him to the steamboat +landing in the afternoon. Lifting his eyes from his work a few +moments afterward, the young man saw that his visitor, instead of +returning to the house, had sat down under a clump of trees and +had buried his face in his hands. + +"There's a screw loose about that man," he muttered. "He's too uneven. +Yesterday at dinner he was the most perfect gentleman ever I saw; +in the afternoon he had a fit of pompous hilarity and condescension; +then came abstraction, as if his mind had stepped out for a time; +and now, after twelve hours of sleep, instead of feeling like +a lark, he looks as though he might attend his own funeral before +night, and walks as if his feet were lead. He mopes there under +the trees when he has but a few more hours with his family. If I +had such a wife and such a daughter as he has, I'd cut a swath for +them, no matter what stood in the way." + +But Roger's censure was slight compared with that which Mr. Jocelyn +visited upon himself; and in order to understand his feelings and +conduct, it will be necessary to relate some experiences which +occurred after the departure of his family to the country. Throughout +the entire winter he had been under a severe strain of business +anxiety, and then had come the culminating scenes of failure, +loss of income, and enforced and unhappy separation. His natural +depression had been so increased by the meagre prospect of finding +employment which would yield his family an adequate support, that +even his increased and more frequent indulgence in his morphia +powders failed to give sufficient hopefulness and courage, while at +the same time they began to produce some serious disorders in his +system. There is a class of diseases which rarely fails to attack +one whose system is reduced and enfeebled, and neuralgia began +to bind across his forehead a daily pressure of pain that at last +became intolerable. Ordinary remedies not giving speedy relief, +his physician injected into his arm a few drops of the solution +of morphia. Thus far he had never used the drug in solution +hypodermically, and he was much surprised by the agreeable effects +of a very much smaller quantity than he had been accustomed to +use on any one occasion, and his morphia hunger--already firmly +established--immediately suggested that the little syringe might +become a far more potent agent than the powders. Therefore he +induced the physician to give him an order for the instrument, and +to explain more fully the methods of its use, saying that attacks +of neuralgia were generally rather obstinate in his case, and that +he had neither the time nor the means to seek his services very +often. + +The physician's few words of warning made but slight impression +upon the infatuated man at the time. Mr. Jocelyn remembered only +that he had an intolerable pain in his head and a heavy weight upon +his heart. Many a time during the long civil war he had smilingly +led charges wherein the chances of death were greater than those +of life, but neither then nor since had he ever displayed any great +aptitude for quiet endurance and self-control. Now every day was +precious, and he felt he could not give himself up to pain and +patient waiting until the disease could be conquered in a slow, +legitimate way, when by a wound no more than a pin-prick he could +obtain courage, happiness, and prospects illimitable. + +Having obtained the syringe and a vial of the solution of morphia, +he injected into his arm a much larger quantity than the physician +would have dreamed of employing. Not only did the unendurable +anguish pass away within a few brief moments, but the world was +transfigured; life's grim outlook became full of the richest promise, +and discouragement and dread vanished utterly. So far from fearing +that he could not provide for his family, he was sure that he +could win for them abundance and luxury. A dozen avenues to fortune +opened before him, and he felt that his only task was to choose, +believing that in some indefinite yet easily discerned way he +would achieve more than falls to the lot of most men to accomplish. +Instead of a long, sleepless night like those which had preceded, +his waking dreams ended in quiet and equally pleasant visions--then +oblivion, which did not pass away until the morning sun was shining. +But with the new day came a new access of pain and gloom, and the +aid of the magic little instrument was invoked once more. Again +within a few moments the potent drug produced a tranquil elysium +and a transformed world of grand possibilities. With a vigor which +seemed boundless, and hopes which repeated disappointments could +not dampen, he continued his quest for employment until in the +declining day his spirits and energy ebbed as strangely as they had +risen in the morning, and after another night of dreams and stupor +he awoke in torture. The powerful stimulant enabled him to repeat +the experiences of the previous day, and for two or three weeks +he lived in the fatal but fascinating opium paradise, gradually +increasing the amount of morphia that his system, dulled by habit, +demanded. In the meantime, by the lavish use of quinine he gradually +banished his neuralgia with its attendant pain. + +It is well known to those familiar with the character of opium that +its effects are greatly enhanced at first by any decided change in +the method of its use; also that its most powerful and immediate +influences can be produced solely by the hypodermic needle, since +by means of it the stimulant is introduced at once into the system. +When taken in powders, the glow, the serenity, and exaltation come +on more slowly, and more gradually pass away, causing alternations +of mood far less noticeable than those produced by immediate +injection of the poison. Therefore it was not at all strange that +Mr. Jocelyn's family should remain in complete ignorance of the +habit which was enslaving him, or that his behavior failed to excite +the faintest suspicion of the threatening influences at work. There +is no vice so secret as that of the opium slave's, none that is in +its earlier stages more easily and generally concealed from those +who are nearest and dearest. The changes produced in Mr. Jocelyn +were very gradual, and seeing him daily even his loving wife did +not note them. + +During the period of unnatural exaltation that has been described +he had accepted agencies which promised thousands if he could sell +millions of dollars' worth of goods, and after the subtle morphia +had infused itself through his system nothing seemed easier; but +dreams are not realities, and after grand hopes unfulfilled, and +futile efforts, he would sink into a despondency from which nothing +could lift him save the little syringe that he carried hidden next +to his heart. As its magic never failed him, he went on for a time, +blind to the consequences. At last he began to grow more alarmed +than ever before at the ascendency of the drug and his dependence +upon it, but when he tried to discontinue its use he found that he +had been living so long under the influence of a powerful stimulant +that without it he sank like a stone. Then came the usual compromise +of all weak souls--he would gradually decrease the amount and then +the frequency of its use; but, as is generally the case, he put off +the beginning of sturdy self-denial until the morrow, and almost +every day he poisoned his system with that which also poisoned and +demoralized his soul. He dimly saw his danger, but did not realize +it. With the fatuity of all self-indulgent natures he thought the +day would come when, with better prospects and health renewed, he +would throw away the spell which bound him and become a free man, +but day after day passed and he did not; his appetite began to +flag and his energy also; he would sit dreaming for hours when he +might have been at work. At best his agencies would give him but a +scanty revenue, although pushed with extraordinary skill and vigor. +As it was, they yielded him little more than personal support, and +he began to entertain the hope that if he could only obtain regular +employment he could then resume his old regular habits. Therefore +he had agreed to accept a position which was little more than +a foothold, and yet if he would go to work with a determined and +patient industry he might, by means of it, win more than he had +lost. + +Could he do this? The Sunday he had just spent with his family had +awakened him as never before to a sense of his bondage. Even with +the society of those he loved to enliven and sustain he had felt +that he could not get through the day without the help of the +stimulant upon which he had grown so dependent. While at church +it was not the clergyman's voice he heard, but a low yet imperious +and incessant cry for opium. As he rode home, smiling upon his wife +and children, and looking at the beautiful and diversified country, +between them and the landscape he ever saw a little brass instrument +gauged at four or five times the amount that the physician had +at first inserted in his arm. At the dinner table he had spoken +courteously and well on many subjects, and yet ever uppermost in +his mind was one constant thought--opium. The little diabolical +thing itself seemed alive in his pocket, and made its faint yet +potent solicitation against his heart. At last he had muttered, "I +will just take a little of the cursed stuff, and then I must begin +to break myself in dead earnest." + +The reader knows what followed. Moreover, he was led to fear that +the alternations of mood caused by injections of morphia would be +so great that they could not fail to excite remark. Although the +new day brought every motive which can influence a man, Mr. Jocelyn +found the path to freedom so steep and difficult that the ascent +seemed well-nigh impossible. His muscles were relaxed, his whole +frame so weary and limp that he even dreaded the effort required +to return to the house where his family was waiting for him. But +the physical oppression was nothing to that which weighed upon his +mind. The sense of misery and discouragement was paralyzing, and +he was fairly appalled by his lack of energy. And yet he felt his +need of power and resolution as keenly as he realized his feebleness. +He knew that he had appeared unnatural to his wife and children, +and that while they now ascribed his behavior to the long strain +he had been under, their loving and charitable blindness could not +last if he often exhibited before them such variable moods and +conditions. Therefore he felt that he must overcome the habit before +they were together permanently, for to permit them to discover his +vile weakness in this time of their great need would be a mortal +wound to his pride. All his manhood revolted at the bare thought. +Their trust, their love, their dependence and unrepining courage +in meeting poverty and privation with him imposed the strongest +and most sacred of obligations, and his high sense of honor--which +hitherto had been his religion--made failure to meet these +obligations the most awful disaster that could overwhelm him. The +means of escaping from his wretchedness and dejection--from the +horrible lassitude of body and soul--could be grasped in a moment, +and the temptation to use them and become within a few minutes +a strong, sanguine, courageous man was almost irresistible; but +he knew well that such an abrupt change from the heavy, dull-eyed +condition in which they had seen him at the breakfast table could +not fail to arouse suspicion; and should they once discern his +crime--for crime he now regarded it--he feared his self-respect +would be so destroyed that he would never have the pride and strength +for the struggle now clearly foreseen; therefore, with the instinct +of self-preservation, and from the impulse of all his native and +long-fostered Southern pride, he resolved that they must never know +his degradation. He must rally his shattered forces, spend the few +hours before his departure with his family in a way to lull all +fears and surmises; then when away by himself he would tug at his +chain until he broke it. Summoning the whole strength of his will +he returned to the house, and succeeded fairly well. + +Could he break his chain? The coming pages of this book will reveal +his struggle and its termination. Alas! it is no fancy sketch, but +a record of human experience that is becoming sadly frequent. The +hunger for opium had grown upon Mr. Jocelyn by its almost constant +use for nearly two years. During weeks of pain he had almost +lived upon the drug, saturating his system with it. It had come to +him like an angel of light, lifting him on buoyant pinions out of +suffering and despondency, but the light was fading from the wings +and brow of this strong spirit, and it was already seen to be an +angel of darkness. + +At this time Mr. Jocelyn might have escaped from his thraldom, but +would he? The world is full of people who are proud and self-respecting +in the extreme, who are honorable and virtuous, good and kindly +at heart, but whose wills are nerveless, though they may go safely +through life without suspecting the truth; but if they fall under +the influence of an evil habit--if they pass under this mightiest +and darkest of all spells, opium hunger--they may learn their +weakness in despair. + +Mr. Jocelyn, however, had no thought of despair; he was only +surprised, humiliated, and somewhat alarmed; he was satisfied that +he must drift no longer, and in perfect sincerity resolved to make +the most of his brief separation from his family, hoping that with +a physician's advice he could speedily overcome his morbid craving +and distressing need. He left the farmhouse with the resolution that +he would never touch the drug again, believing that before a week +expired the horrible depression, both mental and physical, would +so far pass away as to excite no further suspicion. + +For an hour he rode at Roger's side, rigid, taciturn, and pale; for +except when heated by exercise his wonted ruddy color was passing +away from the effects of the poison. Roger drove around to the +large hotel, which was not much out of their way, and said, "Mr. +Jocelyn, will you please take the lines a few moments? I have an +errand here, but it won't keep me long." + +Having transacted his business he stood in the office door watching +a young man who sauntered toward him. The stranger was almost as +tall as himself, but much slighter. While his carriage was easy +and graceful, it was marked by an air of lassitude and weariness, +and his step lacked firmness. A heavy mustache relieved his face +from effeminacy, but his large, dark eyes were dull and apathetic. +Suddenly they lighted up with recognition; he hesitated, and then +hastily advanced toward Mr. Jocelyn, but his steps were speedily +checked, for the moment the gentleman recognized him he bowed very +coldly and turned haughtily away. The young man flushed deeply, +stood still a moment in irresolution, and then with a swift glance +into Roger's interested face turned and quickly disappeared. Before +Roger could resume his place in the wagon the proprietor of the +hotel came out and called him back; something had been forgotten. + +This interruption was fatal to Mr. Jocelyn's good resolutions. Vinton +Arnold, who had won his daughter's affection, but who seemingly had +not the manhood to be faithful in her adversity, was the one whom +he had repulsed, and the thought of his wealth and luxury, while +he was on his way to seek a home in a tenement for his beautiful +child, so maddened him that he drove recklessly to an adjacent +shed, which shielded him from observation, snatched out his fatal +syringe, and in a moment the poison was diffusing itself through +all his system. He had returned again before Roger, who had been +detained some moments, reappeared, but now his heavy eyes were +bright and fiery, and his tongue unloosed. + +"Did you see that young man to whom I refused to speak?" he asked +as they drove away. + +"Yes." + +"Well, he's a white-livered scoundrel. He's a type of your +Northern gentlemen. A Southern man would starve rather than act so +pusillanimously. Of course I'm not going to talk of family secrets, +or say anything not befitting a high-toned gentleman, but I taught +that snob how a man of honor regards his cowardice and cold-bloodedness. +He was one of our fair-weather friends, who promptly disappeared +when the sky clouded. Here he is, dawdling around a high-priced +hotel, while I'm on my way to seek rooms in a tenement for those +to whom he is not worthy to speak; but the time shall come, and +speedily, too, when even on the base plane of money--the sole claim +of his proud family for consideration--we shall meet him and scorn +him as his superiors. I have plans, business prospects--" and he +launched forth into such a vague, wild statement of his projects +that Eoger looked at him in silent amazement, half doubting his +sanity. + +In his haste Mr. Jocelyn had not carefully gauged his syringe, and +the over-amount of morphia thrown into his system so stimulated him +that his words appeared exceedingly irrational to the young man, +whose judgment was based on unusual shrewdness and common-sense. He +was greatly puzzled by the sudden change in his companion. It was +evident that he had not been drinking, for his breath was untainted +and his utterance was natural. But his face was flushed, and he +seemed possessed by a strange, unbalanced mental exaltation which +led him to speak as no sensible man ought in any circumstances, +and certainly not to a stranger. Roger therefore interrupted him +saying, "I shall respect your confidence, Mr. Jocelyn, and will +never repeat what you have said. Please let me suggest, however, +that it would be wise not to speak so frankly to others, since they +might take advantage of you." + +"Please let me assure YOU," resumed Mr. Jocelyn, with the most +impressive dignity, "that I am a man of the world, and that I have +seen a great deal of the world. I can read men as you would read +a book. If you were not trustworthy I should know it at a glance. +Did you not see how I treated that young jackanapes? His wealth and +elegance did not impose upon me in the least. You are trustworthy. +You have a large, aspiring mind, and yet you know your station; you +would not dream of presuming. What does it signify that we are poor +for the moment? True Southern blood is in our veins, and I have a +dozen plans for securing large wealth. When that day comes I shall +remember those who basely turned their backs on us in our brief +obscurity;" and thus he rambled on, while Roger listened coldly +and in silence. + +"There is method is his madness," he said to himself; "he is not +so daft but that he hints broadly I must keep my station and not be +'presuming.' His proud daughter hints as much still more plainly. +Well, we'll see whose dreams find the larger fulfilment--his or +mine." + +By the time they reached the landing the sun was low in the west, +and his companion had become comparatively silent, dreamy, and +abstracted. Half an hour later Roger went on board of the boat with +some solicitude to see how he was faring. Mr. Jocelyn started out +of what appeared a deep reverie as Roger addressed him, and said, +after a moment's thought, "Please say to my family that you left +me well, and safely on my way," and with a quiet and rather distant +bow he resumed his absorbing thoughts. + +The steamer moved away, but instead of returning directly home Roger +went back to the hotel. Even amid the hallucinations of opium the +father had too much instinctive delicacy to mention Mildred's name +or to make any reference to Arnold's intentions; but the quick-witted +fellow gained the impression that the elegant young stranger had +been a welcome and favored suitor in the past better days, and he +had a consuming wish to see and study the kind of man that he surmised +had been pleasing to Mildred. As he rode along, pity for the girl +took the place of resentment. "Not our plain little farmhouse, but +the fashionable hotel, is the place where she would feel the most +at home," he thought. "And yet she is going to a tenement-house! +There, too, she'll stay, I fear, for all that her father will ever +do for her. If he's not off his balance, I never saw a man that +was." + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +A SCENE BENEATH THE HEMLOCKS + + +Roger sat out on the dusky piazza of the hotel, looking into the +large parlor through open windows which came to the floor, bent on +making the most of such glimpses as he could obtain of the world to +which he felt that Mildred belonged by right. He saw clearly that +she would appear well and at home amid such surroundings. A young +and elegantly dressed woman crossed the wide apartment, and he +muttered, "Your carriage is very fine and fashionable, no doubt, but +Miss Jocelyn would have added grace and nature to your regulation +gait." He watched the groups at the card-tables with a curious +interest, and the bobbing heads of gossiping dowagers and matrons; +he compared the remarkable "make up," as he phrased it, of some +of them with the unredeemed plainness of his mother's Sunday gown. +"Neither the one nor the other is in good taste," he thought. "Mrs. +Jocelyn dresses as I intend my mother shall some day." He coolly +criticised a score or more of young men and women who were chatting, +promenading, flitting through the open windows out upon the piazza +and back again into the light, as a small stringed orchestra +struck into a lively galop or the latest waltz. He saw a general +mustering of the younger guests, even down to the boys and girls, +for the lancers, and followed one and another that caught his eye +through the mazy intricacies, making little gestures of disgust at +those who seemed outre and peculiar in manner and appearance, and +regarding with the closest observation such as exhibited a happy +mean between a certain rusticity and awkwardness with which he was +well acquainted, and a conventional artificiality which was to him +all the more unnatural and absurd because his perception was not +dulled by familiarity with society's passing whims. + +The young stranger whom Mr. Jocelyn had repulsed, and who was the +real object of his quest, did not appear among the pleasure-seekers, +nor could he discover him on the piazza, in the billiard-room, or in +other places of resort. At last in much disappointment he returned +to his seat, from which he commanded a view of the parlor; and +scarcely had he done so before the one he sought mounted the steps +near him as if returning from a stroll in the hotel grounds, threw +away his cigar, and entered an open window with the same graceful, +listless saunter witnessed in the afternoon. He crossed the wide +apartment with as much ease and nonchalance as if it had been +empty, and sat down on a sofa by a somewhat stout and very elegantly +apparelled gentlewoman. + +Roger never thought of accounting for the intensity of his interest +in this stranger--the young rarely analyze their feelings--but, +obedient to an impulse to learn this man's power to win the favor +of one so unapproachable by himself, he scanned with keenest scrutiny +everything in his appearance and manner, and sought eagerly to +gauge his character. + +He felt instinctively that the "cold-blooded snob," as Mr. Jocelyn +had characterized him, was of the very opposite type to his own. +His graceful saunter, which, nevertheless, possessed a certain +quiet dignity, suggested a burdensome leisure and an utter lack +of purpose to go anywhere or do anything. He dropped on the sofa +rather than sat down. The lady at his side spoke rather decidedly +to him, and he answered briefly without even looking at her. By +and by she spoke again, more energetically; he then slowly arose, +approached a young woman sitting near, who in response to something +he said sprang up with alacrity, and they glided away in the waltz +with an ease and grace scarcely equalled by the others upon the +floor. After a few moments they circled around very near Roger's +post of observation, and he was able to scan both the features and +expression of the man whom he felt inclined to hate. But he was +disarmed and perplexed, for the stranger showed no more pleasure or +animation than would a fallen leaf that was swept here and there +by varying eddies of wind. He kept time and step with perfect +accuracy, but evidently from such complete familiarity with the +form that he gave it not a thought. He danced as easily as a bird +flies, avoiding the others without appearing to notice them. No +color came from the exercise, no light kindled in his face. His +expression was not blase or cynical, but weary and dejected; the +melancholy in his large brown eyes was all the more striking from +contrast with the music, the lighted room, and an amusement suggesting +gayety. Pale, utterly unresponsive to the brilliant and mirthful +scenes, he glided ghost-like here and there, and before very long +seated his companion by the elderly woman whose urgency had led to +his automaton-like performance. Then with a slight bow he passed +through a window near and disappeared. The two lades spoke together +for a few moments and seemed annoyed, and Roger now noted such a +resemblance between them as to suggest that they were mother and +daughter. + +He had seen sufficient to satisfy him, and he went away muttering, +"There isn't enough of him to hate; he's but the shadow of a man. +She fancy him! I couldn't have believed it; I can't account for it, +unless he's very gifted in mind or very different when with her. +This must be true, and he would be a mummy indeed if she couldn't +wake him up." + +Roger rode home, however, ill at ease. "He hasn't forgotten her +if he has given her up on account of her poverty," he thought. +"He could see as well as I that there was no one there who could +compare with her; but he mopes instead of trying to win her. If he +can dance, why can't he work? I've no reason to complain, however, +and I thank my stars that I have muscle and a will. In the meantime +I shall come up here and study your tricks of manner, my elegant +nonentity. I believe in force. Force moves the world and carries +a man through it; but I now see that it should be well-managed and +well-mannered force. Miss Jocelyn compares me with you, and I seem +to her uncouth, unfinished, and crude in the extreme. Litheness and +grace need not take an atom from my strength, and the time shall +come when I will not fear comparisons. I'll win her yet with your +own weapons." + +Roger's dreams proved that his sympathies with the melancholy +stranger were not very deep, and that his idea of the survival of +the fittest was the survival of the strongest. His human nature at +that time was of the old Saxon type, that went directly for what +it wanted, without much thought or sentiment for those weak enough +to lose. + +Although it was rather late before he reached home, he found his +mother, Mrs. Jocelyn, and Mildred waiting for him in the sitting-room. + +"What kept you so?" Mrs. Atwood exclaimed. + +"I stopped a while at the hotel on my return," he replied. + +"Did my husband send any message?" Mrs. Jocelyn asked, with a +solicitude she could not disguise. + +"He told me to say that I had left him well, and safely on his way +to the city." + +"Did--did he seem well when you left him?" the anxious wife persisted. + +"Quite as well as he did yesterday, I think," was the reply. + +"Mr. Atwood," said Mildred, in a tone that startled him a little, +and he saw she was looking at him as if she would read his thoughts, +"did my father truly appear well when you parted from him?" + +Roger's eyes fell before hers, but he replied firmly, "I left him +sitting quietly on the steamboat's deck, and when I asked him if +he had any message for his family, he said the words I have just +repeated. He seemed naturally depressed at leaving you all. If he +were not well he did not say anything about it;" and with a bow he +passed up to his room. + +"Mother," said Mildred, when they were alone, "was it mere +diffidence, or why was it, that he could not look me in the eyes? +I wonder if he is concealing anything. It was in the afternoon and +evening that papa was unlike himself yesterday. I wish I really +knew whether or not that young man is hiding anything, for I have +an impression that he is." + +"Oh, it was diffidence, Millie. He would have no motive in hiding +the truth from us. I can see that he is both fascinated by you and +afraid of you--poor fellow!" + +"A few weeks in the cornfield and a few smiles from the girls +hereabouts will banish all his nonsense concerning me. I don't give +him a thought except that his absurd feelings annoy me. Oh, mamma, +you understand me. What he would like to offer is such a grotesque +parody on that which I hoped for, on what I imagined I possessed, +that it makes me sick. Oh, oh!" she sobbed, "I must give it all +up. Mr. Arnold acts as if I were dead: and practically I am to him, +although he may sigh and mope a little, perhaps. There, I'm wronging +him; I know I wrong him. How can I forget his white, deathlike face +and look of mortal pain. Oh that he had this young fellow's muscle +and courage! I do not care for his money; I would be content with +him in one bare room. But as it is I fear, I fear;" and the poor +child buried her face in her mother's lap, and cried away some of +her weight of foreboding. + +"Millie, darling," faltered her mother, "God knows I'd shield your +heart with my own if I could, but I don't know how to help you. +You are too much like me. Your love is your life, and you can't +stop loving just because it would be wise and thrifty to do so. +I think of you almost as much as I do of Martin, and I daily pray +the merciful Saviour, who was 'tempted in all points like as we +are,' to sustain and comfort you. I don't see how I can help you +in any other way, for my own heart shows me just how you suffer." + +"There, little mother," said Mildred, raising her head and wiping +her eyes, "I've had my cry, and feel the better for it. I'm going +to help you and papa and be brave. I'm glad I'm like you. I'm glad +I'm a true Southern girl, and that I can love as you loved; and +I would despise myself if I could invest my heart and reinvest it +like so much stock. Such a woman is cold-blooded and unnatural, +and you are the dearest little mother and wife that ever breathed." + +"Oh, Millie, Millie, if I had only foreseen and guarded against +this evil day!" + +"Come, dear mamma, don't always be blaming yourself for what you +did not foresee. You are eager to do your best now, and that is all +God or man can ask of us. These clouds will pass away some time, +and then the sunshine will be all the brighter." + +The next few days of waiting and uncertainty were a severer ordeal +to Mrs. Jocelyn and Mildred than ever. Mr. Jocelyn, bent on gaining +time, kept putting them off. His new duties upon which he had entered, +he wrote, left him only the evening hours for his quest of rooms, +and he had not succeeded in finding any that were suitable. Thus +they expected something definite by every mail, but each day brought +renewed disappointment. At last Mildred wrote that she would come +down herself if he did not decide upon something at once. + +The morning after this letter was despatched the young girl took +her work out under some wide-boughed hemlocks that stood beside +the quiet country road, along which a farmer occasionally jogged +to the village beyond, but which at that hour was usually quite +deserted. Fred and Minnie were with her, and amused themselves +by building little log huts with the dry sticks thickly scattered +around. + +To Roger, who was cradling oats in an adjacent field, they made a +picture which would always repeat itself whenever he passed that +clump of hemlocks; and, as he cut his way down the long slope toward +them, under the midsummer sun, he paused a second after each stroke +to look with wistful gaze at one now rarely absent from his mental +vision. She was too sad and preoccupied to give him a thought, or +even to note who the reaper was. From her shady retreat she could +see him and other men at work here and there, and she only envied +their definite and fairly rewarded toil, and their simple yet +assured home-life, while she was working so blindly, and facing, +in the meantime, a world of uncertainty. Roger had been very +unobtrusive since her father's departure, and she half consciously +gave him credit for this when she thought about him at all, which +was but seldom. He had imagined that she had grown less distant and +reserved, and once or twice, when he had shown some little kindness +to the children, she had smiled upon him. He was a hunter of no mean +repute in that region, and was famous for his skill in following +shy and scarce game. He had resolved to bring the principles of his +woodcraft to bear upon Mildred, and to make his future approaches so +cautiously as not to alarm her in the least; therefore he won the +children's favor more thoroughly than ever, but not in an officious +way. He found Belle moping the evening after her father's departure, +and he gave her a swift drive in his buggy, which little attention +completely disarmed the warm-hearted girl and became the basis of +a fast-ripening friendship. + +"You need not put on such distant airs," she had said to Mildred; +"he never mentions your name any more." But when he asked Mrs. +Jocelyn to take a drive with him she had declined very kindly, for +she feared that he might speak to her of her daughter in an embarrassing +way. Over Belle, Mildred had little control in such matters, but +as far as she and her mother were concerned she determined that he +should have no encouragement whatever; for, although he made no +further efforts either to shun or obtain her society, and had become +quite as reserved as herself, he unconsciously, yet very clearly, +revealed his state of mind to her womanly intuition. + +"There is one thing queer about Roger Atwood," said Belle, joining +her sister under the hemlocks; "he now scarcely ever speaks of +himself. I suppose he thinks I'd be silly enough to go and tell +everything as you did." + +"What do you talk about then?" asked Mildred, with a half smile. + +"Oh, you are a little curious, are you? perhaps a little jealous, +too, that he was so very easily cured of his admiration for you. +If it were any secret, I wouldn't tell you. We talk about what we +see, and it seems to me he sees everything. If a bird flies across +the road he will point out its peculiarities, and he knows so much +about the trees and bushes and wild flowers and the little creatures +in the woods, how they live, and all that. He says a man's a +fool that doesn't see all that's going on around him. Sometimes +he makes me ache from laughing over his funny descriptions of the +queer characters that live about here. Bat what interests me most +is his accounts of the people at the hotel. Ob, I do wish mother +would let me go there with him some evening! He is there nearly +every night, and it's as good as a play to hear him take off the +affected, snobbish ones. He has caught the English drawl and the +'yeh know' of some young fellows to perfection." + +"He IS a queer fellow," mused Mildred. "I wonder what he goes there +for?" + +"Oh, Roger Atwood is no fool, I can tell you. He knows country +society in perfection, and he would not be long in understanding +Fifth Avenue noodledom just as well. He detects sham people and sham +ways as quickly as you could, and delights in ridiculing them. He +says there's a ghost of a man up there which interests him exceedingly, +but that it is such an extremely well-behaved, good-mannered ghost +that it is tolerated without remark, and that is all he will say +about it, although I have often questioned him. I can't think who +or what he means." + +Mildred looked up with a sudden access of interest, and then became +silent and abstracted. + +"Since the children are quiet here," continued Belle, "I'll go back +to the house and finish a story in which the hero and heroine are +sentimental geese and blind as bats. They misunderstand each other +so foolishly that I'd like to bob their empty heads together," and +away she went, humming a gay song, with as little thought for the +morrow as the birds in the fields around her. + +While Roger paused a moment to wipe the perspiration from his brow, +the rustling of the grain ceased, and he heard the footfalls of a +horse in the adjacent road. With a start he saw riding by the stranger +who had been the object of his continued scrutiny at the hotel. The +young men restrained to a walk the rather restless horse he bestrode, +and seemed musing deeply under the shadow of a broad-brimmed Panama +hat. He took no notice of Roger, and passing slowly on entered the +shadow of the hemlocks, when an exclamation caused him to raise his +head. A second later he sprang from his horse, threw the bridle +over the limb of a tree, and seized Mildred's hand with an eagerness +which proved that she had indeed the power to "wake him up." + +Roger was too distant to see just how she greeted her unlooked-for +friend of other days, but thought she appeared so startled that +she leaned against a tree for support. He saw, however, that the +"ghost of a man" was now flesh and blood in his earnestness, and +that he retained her hand in both of his own while speaking rapidly. +Before very long, however, the horse became so impatient that he +suddenly jerked his bridle loose, wheeled, and came galloping up +the road toward Roger, who, after a moment's hesitation, cleared +the low stone wall at a bound and stood in the road awaiting him. +Mildred's companion made a gesture of annoyance, and then said, +with a shrug, "Let the beast go. I'm well content to remain here." +When they saw Roger's purpose, however, they stood watching for +the outcome of his effort. + +As Arnold--for he it was--saw the horse, with broken and flying +reins, thundering apparently right upon the motionless form of a +man, he exclaimed, "By Jove! but that's a brave fellow." + +The vicious brute soon seemed so nearly upon the rash youth that +Mildred gave a slight scream of terror, but a second later she saw +him spring lightly aside, catch one of the flying reins, hold on +for a few yards, half dragged, half running, and then the animal +yielded to a master. A cloud of dust obscured them momentarily; +then the country-bred athlete vaulted lightly into the saddle and +came trotting sharply toward them, riding like a centaur. She was +enraged at herself that her face should grow scarlet under his +brief glance from one to the other, but without a word he sprang +lightly down and began to fasten the horse securely to a tree--an +act scarcely necessary, for the animal appeared completely subdued. + +"By Jove! my man, that was neatly done," said Arnold. "Here's a +bank-note for your trouble." + +"The fact that I've caught your horse does not prove me a hostler," +Roger replied brusquely, without looking at the speaker. + +Arnold now recognized the young man whom he had seen with Mr. +Jocelyn, and also at the hotel several times subsequently. He had +learned his name, and therefore began, "Oh, I beg pardon; this is +Mr. Atwood;" but before he could say more a covered barouche came +rapidly down the hill from the opposite direction, turned with +the angle of the road, and passed into the shade of the hemlocks. +Arnold had become very pale the moment he saw it, and in its occupant +Roger recognized the woman whom he had seen at the hotel, and whom +he had learned to be the mother of the listless dancer. A brief +glance showed him that Mildred knew her also. The lady sharply +ordered her coachman to stop, and after a brief but freezing look +into Mildred's hot face she said, in a meaning tone, "Vinton, I +will esteem it a favor if you will accompany me on my drive." + +"I will join you presently," he said irresolutely. + +"I will wait politely then until you have concluded your interview," +the gentlewoman remarked coldly, leaning back in her carriage. + +Her look, tone, and action stung Mildred to the very quick. Gentle +and retiring usually, she was capable of a very decided and even an +aggressive course under great provocation. For a moment her warm +Southern blood boiled at Mrs. Arnold's implication that she was +so eager to capture her wealthy son that it was not prudent to +leave them alone together a moment. With decision and the dignity +of conscious innocence she said, "Good-morning, Mr. Arnold"; then +taking little Minnie's hand and calling Fred she led the way toward +the house. It happened that the only path of egress led her by the +carriage, and the manner in which its occupant ignored her presence +was so intolerable in its injustice that she paused, and, fixing +her clear, indignant eyes on the flushed, proud face before her, +asked, in tones never forgotten by those who heard them, "Mrs. +Arnold, wherein have I wronged you or yours?" + +The lady was silent and a little embarrassed. + +"I know, and you might know," Mildred continued, "if you chose, +that you cannot charge me with one unwomanly act, but your look +and manner toward me are both unwomanly and unchristian. You insult +me in my poverty and misfortune. Without the shadow of right or +reason, you cruelly wound one who was wounded already;" and she +was about to pass on. + +"Mother, as you are a woman, do not let her go without a word of +respect and kindness," cried her son, in a hoarse, stifled voice. + +"Miss Jocelyn," began Mrs. Arnold in a constrained tone, "I mean +you no disrespect. Nevertheless--" + +"Nevertheless!" exclaimed Arnold, wrought to frenzy. "Great God! +are you going to qualify that grudging sentence?" He struck his +hand to his forehead, reeled, and fell prone upon the earth. In a +moment Mildred knelt beside him, and Roger saw that she loved him +with her whole strong, womanly soul. + +"Bring water, bring brandy; mother will give it to you," she said +to him in a low voice, and he dashed off to obey. + +Mrs. Arnold hastily descended from the carriage and felt her son's +pulse with much solicitude. "He has only fainted," she said. "He +is apt to have such attacks when overwrought. It's a part of his +disease. Miss Jocelyn, you see he is a reed that must be supported, +not leaned upon," she added, looking straight into the young girl's +troubled eyes. "I mean you kindness as truly as I mean kindness to +him. He will soon be better. He has often been in this condition +ever since he was a child. With this knowledge you will understand +me better. Thomas"--to the coach-man--"lift him into the carriage. +He will soon revive," she continued to Mildred, "and at the hotel +he shall have the best of care. Believe me, I feel for you both, +but I know what is right and best." + +The coachman did as he was directed, and they drove rapidly away. + +Mildred put her hand to her side, and then, with pale and downcast +face, led the wondering children toward the house. She soon met. +Roger returning, and running like a deer. + +"They have taken him away," she said briefly, without looking up. +"Please care for his horse and accept my thanks," and then she +hastened to her room and did not appear again that day. + +He complied with her request, then went back to his work, and the +grain fell as if the reaper were Death himself. + +Mrs. Arnold's course was not so harsh and rude as it seemed, and +can readily be explained on the theory by which she governed her +feelings and actions toward her son. An obscure weakness in the +functions of his heart had rendered him subject to fainting turns +from early childhood. Physicians had always cautioned against +over-exertion and over-excitement of any kind; therefore he had +not been sent to school like the other children, or permitted to +indulge in the sports natural to his age. Having been constantly +cautioned, curbed, and repressed, he grew into a timid, self-distrustful, +irresolute man, and yet was keenly sensible of the defects that +separated him from other men. No one ever longed for independence +more earnestly than he; few were less able to achieve it. His +mother, having shielded him so many years from himself as well +as from adverse influences from without, had formed the habit of +surveillance. Exaggerating his weakness and dependence, his unfitness +to compete with other men in active pursuits, she had almost ignored +his manhood. The rest of the family naturally took their tone from +her, regarding him as an invalid, and treating him as one. Chafing +with secret and increasing bitterness over his misfortune and +anomalous position, he grew more and more silent and reserved, +dwelling apart in a world created from a literature that was not +of the best or most wholesome character. As long as he lived a +quiet, monotonous life that accorded with the caution enjoined by +physicians, he gave his mother little solicitude, for the woman +of the world, versed in all the proprieties of her station, had +no comprehension of the sensitive spirit that had been repressed +equally with his physical nature. That he should become cold toward +her, and cynical toward her world of wealth and fashion, was to her +but a proof that his character was defective also, and led to the +fear that his "absurd notions" might occasion trouble. His intimacy +with the Jocelyns threatened to justify her forebodings, and, while +knowing nothing of Mildred personally, she was naturally inclined +to the belief that she, like many others, would be glad to escape +poverty by allying herself to an old and wealthy family, and she +regarded her son as weak enough to become a ready victim. Nevertheless +he was of age, and if he should enter into a formal engagement it +might be no easy matter to break it or escape the consequences. +Therefore she determined at all hazards to prevent such a consummation, +and thus far had succeeded. She was greatly angered that, in spite +of her precautions and injunctions, he had again met Mildred, and +she resolved to end the interview at once, even at the cost of being +thought rude and harsh, for if left to themselves that summer day +they might realize all her fears. At the same time she proposed +to manifest her disapproval so decidedly that if the young woman +still sought to enter her family, it would be by a sort of violence; +and she also was not unmindful of the fact that, with the exception +of an apparent laborer and her coachman, only the parties interested +were the witnesses of her tactics. Therefore she had looked at +Mildred as coldly and haughtily as only a proud woman can, with +the result already narrated. Although compelled to admit that the +girl was not what she had imagined her to be, she was none the less +bent on preventing further complications, and resolved to take her +son elsewhere as soon as he had sufficiently recovered. + +The next morning Mildred left her seclusion, and her aspect was pale +and resolute, but no reference was made to the events uppermost in +the minds of those aware of them. Even the children and Belle had +been so cautioned that they were reticent. In the evening, however, +as Roger was raking the flower-beds over to prevent the weeds from +starting, Mildred came out, and joining him said, a little bitterly, +"Well, what did your microscopic vision reveal to you yesterday +morning?" + +"A brave, proud girl, for whom I have the deepest respect," he +replied, looking directly into her eyes. + +"Was that all?" + +"No, indeed." + +"Well, what else?" she persisted, in a tone quite unlike her usual +accent. + +"I saw the merest shadow of a man and the ghost of a woman who must +weigh nearly two hundred." + +She flushed hotly as she said, "You pride yourself on your keen +perceptions, but the truth is you are blind," and she was turning +angrily away when he answered, "Time will show how blind I am," +and then he went on quietly with his work. + +"Oh, how I detest that man!" she muttered, as she went up to her +favorite haunt on the hilltop looking toward the south. "Why did +he, of all others, have to be present with his prying eyes at the +odious scene? He must know now how I feel toward Vinton Arnold, and +yet he has so little sense and delicacy that he expresses contempt +for him to my face. Brute strength may be his ideal of manhood, +but it's not mine; and he knows so little of women that he thinks +I ought to despise one who is simply unfortunate, and through +no fault of his own. Poor, poor Vinton! Brief as were the moments +before we were interrupted, he had time to assure me that life had +become a burden because of our separation, and yet he said that +he had no right to see me, no right to send me a line, no right to +add his weakness to my other misfortunes. Time shall at least show +one thing--that I can be patient and true. That proud, cold woman +has no control over me, and as long as he is faithful I shall be." + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +THE OLD MANSION + + +Mildred's letter to her father brought a request that she should +join him at once and choose between two sets of rooms, of which +he had the refusal. She insisted upon going, for she was eager to +leave a place that had become hateful to her. She greatly wished to +hear of Arnold's welfare before her departure, but would not make +any effort to do so. + +To her surprise, however, Roger handed her a note the following +morning. She knew the handwriting well, and asked, "How do you +happen to have this, Mr. Atwood?" + +"I supposed you would wish to hear from your friend, and so went +up to the hotel. As soon as Mr. Arnold saw me he asked me to give +you that letter." + +Mildred bit her lip. Was it an officious or a friendly act? She +was beginning to doubt whether she had fully gauged the character +of this young farmer, but of one thing she was instinctively +certain--his motive was personal, and sprung from an interest in +her which was now more repugnant than ever. Whether this instance +was an obtrusive meddling in her affairs, or an act well meant, +but unwarranted by their relations, she could not tell. However it +might be, she wished the letter had come by any other hands than +his. + +She gravely thanked him, and added, "Mr. Atwood, please do not feel +called upon to do anything further for me unless requested." + +He grew pale and his lips tightened, for her words and manner hurt +him. His act had been in truth very generous and self-effacing, +but he merely bowed in seeming acquiescence, and turned away. + +Arnold's letter ran as follows: + +"The memory of that scene yesterday will oppress me forever. Nothing +could have happened that would more clearly convince you that I am +unworthy of your thought. And yet it will be a life-long agony to +know that I am unworthy. When I tell you that I love and honor you +above all other women it is but a poor compensation, I fear, for +all that I have made you suffer. My mother has KINDLY (?) informed +me that she told you how feeble I am, and I proved her words true. +I feel that the best service I can render you is to say, Forget +me wholly; and yet you can never know what such words cost me. +_I_ shall never forget, unless death is forgetting. If I had the +strength to be of any help to you at all, I would break away at +once and take the consequences; but I have been an invalid all my +life, and why I still continue to live I scarcely know. If, however, +there should ever be a time when one so weak as I am can aid you, +give me this one shadowy hope that you will come to me. VINTON +ARNOLD." + +This was Mildred's reply: + +"It is not in my nature to forget, therefore I cannot. It is not +my wish to forget, therefore I will not. You will find me ever the +same. MILDRED JOCELYN." + +Roger would have taken her reply to the hotel that very night, so +great was her power over him, but for his sake, as well as her own, +she wished to teach him once for all that their ways were apart. +She dreaded from what he had said that he would follow her to the +city and renew the unwelcome association of his life with hers. +Therefore she engaged heavy, blundering Jotham to deliver the note, +giving him a dollar from her slender purse as a reward. He lost +the note where it was never found, and stolidly concealed the fact +lest he should lose the dollar. The little characteristic missive +fell to the earth somewhere like a seed that drops into an unkindly +soil and perishes. Roger only knew that stupid Jotham had been +preferred as her messenger. She made no secret of the fact, but +gave the note to the laborer when he came in to his nooning the +following day. She knew Roger was watching her from the front porch, +and as she turned toward him she saw she had wounded him so deeply +that she had some compunctions; but he avoided meeting her, nor +did she find a chance to speak to him again. When, an hour later, +she was ready to depart with Mr. Atwood for the distant landing, +Roger was not to be found. Her conscience smote her a little, but +she felt that it would be the best for him in the future, and would +probably end his nonsense about leaving home and winning fame out +in the world. She had a warm, genuine good-will for Mrs. Atwood and +Susan, and even for poor, grumbling Mr. Atwood, at whose meagre, +shrivelled life she often wondered; and it would be a source of +much pain to her if she became even the blameless cause of Roger's +leaving home in the absurd hope of eventually becoming great and +rich, and then appearing to her in her poverty, like a prince in +fairy lore. "Nothing but the most vigorous snubbing will bring him +to his senses," she thought, and she now believed that he would soon +subside into his old life, and be none the worse for the summer's +episode. Therefore, after embracing her mother again and again +in her room, she bade Mrs. Atwood and Susan good-by very kindly, +and they saw her depart with genuine regret. For Roger there was +nothing more than the quiet remark to Mrs. Atwood, "Please say +good-by for me to your son." + +Belle and the children accompanied her to the landing, and were +in great glee over the long drive. Mildred's spirits rose also. +She had learned most emphatically that she was not dead to her +lover, and she thought her words, brief as they were, would cheer +and sustain him and suggest hope for the future. Although she was +a little sorry for Roger, she was glad to think that his dark, +searching eyes would no longer follow her, nor she be compelled +from day to day to recognize a curbed but ever-present and unwelcome +regard. His feeling toward her seemed like something pent up, yet +growing, and she was always fearing it might burst forth. In his +mastery of the horse he had shown himself so strong and fearless +that, not sure of his self-restraint, she dreaded lest in some +unguarded moment he might vehemently plead for her love. The very +thought of this made her shudder and shrink, and the belief that +she would probably never see him again gave decided relief. + +Chief of all, she was glad that her weary waiting and uncertainty +were over. She was now on her way to seek independence and a home. +However humble the latter, it would be a place from which could +be excluded all strange and prying looks. When together and alone +again, their sorrows and weaknesses could be hidden or seen only +with the eyes of love. + +The ten days or more that had elapsed since Mr. Jocelyn's departure +had made him doubtful whether he could hide his weakness or overcome +it very readily. He believed he was gaining ground since he was +able to reduce the amount of morphia taken, but in order to keep +up he had to employ the stimulant more frequently. By this method +he hoped never so to lose self-control as to excite suspicion, and +also gradually to wean himself from the drug altogether. Of the +two he would rather meet Mildred than his wife; the latter must be +kept in ignorance, since to destroy her absolute trust was to be +destroyed. Mildred would more quickly suspect his fault than would +her mother, and if he could hide his failing from her he surely +could from his wife, until complete mastery left nothing to be +concealed. That day of liberty always seemed but a little in advance. +He surely had the will and the strength to give up a mere drug. He +who had led charges amid the smoke and thunder of a hundred cannon, +and had warded off sabre-thrusts from muscular, resolute hands, +was not going to be pricked to death by a little syringe in his +own hand. His very thraldom to the habit seemed an improbable, +grotesque dream, which some morning would dissipate, but as a +matter of experience each morning brought such a profound sinking +and "goneness" that his will-power shrivelled like a paper barricade +before the scorching intensity of his desire. After the stimulant +began its work, however, all things seemed possible, and nothing +more so than his power to abandon the drug when he should fully +decide upon the act. + +On the morning of Mildred's arrival, having lifted himself out of +his chronic dejection by the lever of opium, he went to meet her +with the genuine gladness of a proud, loving father asserting itself +like a ray of June light struggling through noxious vapors. She +was delighted to find him apparently so well. His walk and the heat +had brought color to his face, the drug had bestowed animation and +confidence, while his heart gave an honest, loving welcome without +the aid of any stimulant. They rode uptown together as happily and +hopefully as if the nearly empty car were their own carriage, and +they were seeking a home in Fifth Avenue instead of a tenement-house; +but the hope and happiness of one was based on youth, love, faith, +courage, and inexperience, and of the other on a lurid cloud that +would darken steadily except as renewed gleams were shot through it +by a light that was infernal. Any kindly man or woman would have +smiled appreciatively to see the handsome father and beautiful +daughter apparently as absorbed in each other's plans and interests +as a young couple seeking the home in which their future life +would centre. Who would dream that on this sunny morning, and in a +prosaic street-car, the actors of a sad, sad tragedy were on their +way to its unsuspected scenes? Who would dream that Mildred and +her father, of all others, were the actors? + +"Millie," said Mr. Jocelyn, "I fear the place to which I shall at +first take you may shock you a little. It's an old Revolutionary +mansion, gray and rather dilapidated, but it reminded me of some of +our residences in the South; and, although perhaps no better--perhaps +not so good--it is still quite unlike the stereotyped tenement-house +abomination prevailing in this city. This ancient abode of colonial +wealth took my fancy. It suggested our own changed fortunes by +its fall to its present uses. And yet the carving around and above +the doors and windows, much of which still remains, and the lofty +ceilings all remind one of past better days that can never return +to the poor house, but which we must bring back as soon as possible. +I shall never be content or happy, Millie, until I have placed my +dear ones in the sphere to which they really belong; but for the +present I do not see how we can pay rent for anything much better +than rooms in the old mansion. As far as I can learn, the people +who live in it are poor, but quiet and respectable." + +Her father's opium-tinged description caught Mildred's fancy also, +but when she saw the building her heart sank at the prospect. To +her a tenement-house was as yet a vague, untested reality, and the +one before her was indeed old and dilapidated, gray and haggard +with more than a century's age. + +The mansion having been built to face the river, its front was not +upon the street, but toward the west. Around its base the mortar was +crumbling away, revealing its mingled brick and stone foundation. +The hip-roof of weather-beaten shingles still remained, and was +surmounted by a wide-railed and wooden platform used by the occupants +of the dwelling for the drying of clothes, etc. + +"It makes me think of an old, dying, moss-draped white oak standing +in the midst of trees of younger and different growth," said Mr. +Jocelyn, as he and Mildred scanned the gable-end of the house. + +Then they entered by two or three stone steps a narrow passage, +ascended a forlorn wooden stairway, covered overhead by a few boards +nailed lengthwise, and so reached a small landing, where once had +been a stately porch or wide veranda, looking no doubt over a broad +sweep of lawn and the shining river. The high-arched doorway was +still intact, with elaborately carved but now defaced woodwork, +which, rising from the sill on either side, was continued in various +old-fashioned designs until it culminated over a large square window +in the second story. Generations had watched the sunsets from that +window, but now high brick walls threw it in shadow much of the +day. + +A quaint brass knocker which gentlemen--long since dust--had +approached wearing laced three-cornered hats, velvet short-clothes, +and silver buckles, and upon which they had rapped announcement +of their social claims, still hung on the rest from which they had +lifted it. It was not often used at present, for people entered +without knocking, and the wide hall within was in a sense but +a continuation of the street; also the winding stairway, with its +ancient rail, which started out on one side and wound up to another +square hallway. To each of these open spaces the several families +had equal rights. + +The lower hall had originally extended through the whole depth +of the building to a rear doorway, equally old-fashioned but less +elaborately ornamented, but now a partition crossed the raised circle +on the ceiling from which had once hung an ancient candelabrum. +Upon each hallway opened four suites of two rooms each, and thus +the old mansion usually sheltered twelve families instead of one. +The doors were high, and surmounted by quaint and worm-eaten carved +work. + +These halls seemed very dark and close to Mildred, who had just +come out of the sunlight and from the country, but they were cool +and spacious. They were shown by the janitor to a room over twenty +feet square on the second story, whose former occupants had left +the souvenir of unlimited dirt. "They was dissipated, and we don't +let sich stay in the buildin'," said the man. "That's one thing +in favor of the place, papa," poor Mildred remarked, and at the +moment it seemed to her about the only thing, for the old house +was evidently going down hill so fast that it seemed to her as if +it might carry its occupants with it. Still, on further inspection, +the room was found to be so large and airy and the ceiling so high +that it might be made the abode of health and comfort. Opening +into the large apartment was another about eight feet by twelve, +and this was all. + +Mildred drew a long breath. Could the whole domestic life of the +family be carried on in those two rooms? "I never realized how +thousands of people live," she sighed. + +"It will only be for a little while, Millie," whispered her father. + +The young girl shrank and shivered even in the summer morning at +the ordeal of crowded life, with only intervening doorways and thin +partitions between them and all sorts of unknown neighbors. + +"Suppose, papa, we look at the other rooms of which you have the +refusal," she faltered. + +Even in his false buoyancy he could not suppress a sigh as he saw +that Mildred, in spite of her determination to make the best of +everything, had not imagined what a tenement-house was. "We will +be back in an hour or more," he whispered to the janitor, for he +believed the other rooms would appear still more repulsive. + +And so they did, for when Mildred had climbed up three stairways +in a five-story, narrow house, which even at that hour was filled +with a babel of sounds, the old mansion seemed a refuge, and +when she had glanced around the narrow room and two dark closets +of bedrooms, she shuddered and said, "Papa, can we really afford +nothing better?" + +"Honestly, Millie, we cannot for the present. My income is exceedingly +small, although it will soon be increased, no doubt. But if we +pay too much for rooms we shall have nothing to live upon while +waiting for better times. These rooms are fourteen dollars a month. +Those in the old mansion are only eight, and the two rooms there +give more chance for comfort than do these three." + +"Oh, yes, yes," cried Mildred, "I could not live here at all. Let +us go back." + +While returning, her father showed her apartments in other tenements +for which rents of ten to sixteen dollars were charged, and she +saw that she would not obtain any more in space and light than for +half the money in the old house, which had been built when that +part of the island was open country. + +"Forgive me, papa," she said, smiling, "that I shivered a little +at the first plunge. We will go to the old house and stay there +until we can do better. It was once evidently a beautiful home, +and I believe that within it we can make a happy home, if we will. +These other tenements were never homes, and I don't see how they +ever could be. They are angular, patent, human packing-boxes, +which mock at the very idea of home coziness and privacy. They were +never built for homes, they were built to rent. In the old house +I noticed that a blank wall near will prevent people staring into +our windows, and the space has not been so cut up but that we can +keep ourselves somewhat secluded." + +Next to a quiet way of earning money, Mildred coveted seclusion +beyond everything else. There was one deep hope that fed her life. +Her father would work his way up into affluence, and she again could +welcome Vinton Arnold to her own parlor. Happiness would bring him +better health, and the time would come when he could choose and act +as his heart dictated. With woman's pathetic fortitude and patience +she would hope and wait for that day. But not for the world must +his proud mother know to what straits they were driven, and she +meant that the old house should become a hiding-place as well as +a home. + +Therefore the rooms in the old mansion were taken. A stout, cheery +Englishwoman, who with her plump, red arms was fighting life's +battle for herself and a brood of little ones, was engaged to clean +up and prepare for the furniture. Mildred was eager to get settled, +and her father, having ordered such household goods as they required +to be sent from their place of storage the following day, repaired +to his place of business. + +"Now, miss," said sensible Mrs. Wheaton, "I don't vant to do hany +more than yer vants done, but hif I was you I'd give hall these +'ere vails a coat hof lime. Vitevash is 'olesome, yer know, and +sweetens heverything; hit'll kind o' take haway the nasty taste +those drunken people left." + +"Please whitewash, then, and use plenty of lime. If you can sweeten +these rooms, do so by all means, but I fear that result is beyond +your brush or any other." + +"You've seen better days, miss, and I 'ave meself; but yer mustn't +be down'arted, yer know. See 'ow the sunshine comes in, and ven +hit falls hon a carpet, a little furniture, and yer hown people, +these 'ere rooms vill soon grow 'omelike, and yer'll come back to +'em hafteryer day's vork's hover gladly henough. I s'pose yer'll +vork, since you've come hamong people who must vork hearly and +late." + +"Yes, indeed, we'll work--that is all we ask for." + +"And hit's time I vas ha bout mine hinstead hof gossiping 'ere. +Yer'll soon see 'ow spick and span I'll make heverything." + +With a despatch, deftness, and strength that to Mildred seemed +wonderful, she bought the lime, made the wash, and soon dark stains +and smoky patches of wall and ceiling grew white under her strong, +sweeping strokes. It was not in the girl's nature, nor in accordance +with her present scheme of life, to be an idle spectator, and from +her travelling-bag she soon transformed herself into as charming a +house-cleaner as ever waged war against that chief enemy of life and +health--dirt. Her round, white arms, bared almost to the shoulder, +seemed designed as a sculptor's model rather than to wield the brush +with which she scoured the paint and woodwork; but she thought not +of sculpture except in the remote and figurative way of querying, +with mind far absent from her work, how best she could carve their +humble fortunes out of the unpromising material of the present and +the near future. + + + + +CHAPTER XV + +"WELCOME HOME" + + +Mildred felt that she had become a working-woman in very truth as +she cleaned the dingy closets, vindictively prying into corners +and crevices that had been unmolested by generations of tenants, +and the rich color produced by summer heat and unwonted exertion +deepened at the thought, "What would Vinton Arnold, what would +his mother think if they saw me now? The latter would undoubtedly +remark," she murmured, in bitterness of spirit, "that I had at +last found my true sphere, and was engaged in befitting tasks; but +should I lose in his eyes?" + +Indeed she would not, either in his eyes or in those of any other +man capable of appreciating womanly grace. Genuine beauty is a +rare and wonderful gift, and, like genius, triumphs over adverse +circumstances, and is often enhanced by them. Even prosaic Mrs. +Wheaton was compelled to pause from time to time to admire the +slender, supple form whose perfect outlines were revealed by the +stooping, twisting, and reaching required by the nature of the +labor. But the varying expressions of her face, revealing a mind +as active as the busy hands, were a richer study. The impact of +her brush was vigorous, and with looks of aversion and disgust she +would cleanse away the grimy stains as if they were an essential +part of the moral as well as gross material life of the former +occupants. To a refined nature association forms no slight element +in the constitution of a home; and horrible conjectures concerning +repulsive indications of the vulgar people who once kennelled +where others would live decently and purely are among the manifold +miseries of tenement life. In spite of all her will-power, Mildred +shuddered, and shrank from even this remote contact with a phase +of humanity peculiarly revolting to her, and the protest of her +innate delicacy would often appear strongly upon her face. + +"The worst of it is," she muttered, "that soap and water cannot +blot out thoughts of the people who were here before us." + +But thoughts of other people, some of whom were very dear to her, +brought varying expressions, and once she smiled and said to herself, +"Roger Atwood now thinks, no doubt, that in me he has seen another +'ghost of a woman,' weighing a little less than 'two hundred.' Of +all my little affairs of that nature, his was the most preposterous +and absurd. That one human being should expect and seek from another +what is so impossible to give produces a certain half-humorous +irritation that is indescribable." + +Stout Mrs. Wheaton's mind and fancy were not so busy as her hands, +and when twelve o'clock came she knew the hour, although carrying +no watch. She had interrupted Mildred's musings from time to time, +but had received rather absent replies, for the actual inception +of a life of toil occasioned many thoughts. + +When, however, the practical woman remarked, "I've a hinside 'int +that hit's time we took a bite together," Mildred awakened to an +honest and hungry approval of the suggestion. + +"I don't like to intrude upon you, Mrs. Wheaton," she said. "Isn't +there some place near where I can go?" + +"Hindeed there his--right down to my room, hif ye're not habove +my company. I can brew yer has good a cup o' tea has hany cook in +the land, and we'll find somethin' nourishin' to go vith hit." + +"Mrs. Wheaton, you are a genuine friend. I'm so glad you were +here and willing to help me, for you make me feel safer and more +hopeful. You seem brave and not afraid of being poor, and I want +to learn your courage. So far from being above your company, I am +very grateful for it, and I shall try to repay your kindness with +like neighborly return when I can; but when it comes to actual +expense you must let me pay my way. How is it you are so brave and +cheery when, as you say, you are alone with several children to +support?" + +"I'll tell yer vhile we heat hour dinner; so lock the door and come +vith me." + +Mrs. Wheaton's room was plain, indeed, but neat and homelike. A +variegated and much-patched carpet covered part of the floor, which +was bare around the ample cooking-stove, whereon a wholesome dinner +soon smoked with appetizing odors. Her daughter, a young girl about +twelve years of age, assisted in the preparations, and then went +to call the other children, who were playing on the sidewalk. + +'"Ow is it I'm so brave and cheery?" Mrs. Wheaton at last answered +with a sunshiny smile. "I've a stout pair hof harms, I've a stout +body, and I've a downright belief that the Lord means veil by +me and mine. I'm try in' to do my best, and hit's 'is biziness to +take care hof the rest. Hand 'E 'as so far. I've been a bit 'ungry +meself now and then, but the children halways 'ad enough. So I vork +and trust and lose no time and strength ha-vorrying. Things'll all +come hout right some day; and I've no time to be doin' the Lord's +vork bin carryin' the burden hon my shoulders, hif they are broad. +'Ere's the children; now sit right down vith hus, and velcome. Since +we're neighbors we'll be neighborly and friendly like; and before +yer know hit, yer'll be snug and comfortable hin your hown rooms, +and yer can be jist as 'appy bin 'em has hever yer vas him yer +life. Bein' poor and 'aving to vork hain't the vorst troubles in +the vorld." + +The good woman's stout, cheery spirit and homely faith were just +the tonics that Mildred needed, and they were all the more effective +because combined with the exhilarating tea and wholesome food. +Therefore instead of a weary and depressing day, in which body and +spirit acted and reacted on each other until the evening brought +shadows deeper than the night, her courage and cheerfulness grew +with the hours of sustained and healthful toil, and when her father +appeared at six o'clock her smile warmed his heart. At the cost +of no slight effort he had so reduced his doses of morphia that +neither she nor any one could have detected anything unnatural in +his manner. He praised their work unstintedly, and thanked Mrs. +Wheaton for her kindness with such warm Southern frankness that +her eyes grew moist with gratification. Indeed the rooms had grown +so clean and wholesome that Mr. Jocelyn said that they looked +homelike already. Mrs. Wheaton assured Mildred that if she would +be content, she could be made quite comfortable on a lounge in her +large living-room, and the young girl won her heart completely by +saying that she would rather stay with her than go to the Fifth +Avenue Hotel. Her words were sincere, for in accordance with her +nature her heart was already drawn toward the place which gave even +promise of a home, and the hearty kindness received there made her +shrink from the strange, indifferent world without. + +Her father asked her to resume her travelling dress, and then by a +street-car they soon reached a quiet restaurant near Central Park, +from which the outlook was upon trees and shrubbery. The people +of New York are singularly fortunate in their ability to reach, at +slight expense of money and time, many places where the air is pure, +and the sense of beauty can find abundant gratification. Mildred +felt that only extreme poverty could rob them in summer of many +simple yet genuine pleasures. When, after their frugal supper, she +and her father strolled through a path winding around a miniature +lake on which swans were floating, she believed that one of her chief +fears might be unfounded. Her love of beauty need not be stifled, +since there was so much, even in the crowded town, which could be +seen without cost. + +"Papa," she said, "our lives will not be meagre and colorless unless +we make them so. Every tree and shrub--indeed every leaf upon them +and every ripple on the water--seems beautiful to me this evening. +I do not fear working hard if we can often have these inexpensive +pleasures. The thing in poverty that has most troubled me was the +fear that one's nature might become blunted, callous, and unresponsive. +A starved soul and heart seem to me infinitely worse than a starved +body. Thank God, this beautiful place is as free to us now as ever, +and I think we enjoy it more than many of those people in yonder +carriages. Then at the cost of a few pennies we can get many a breezy +outlook, and fill our lungs with fresh air on the ferryboats. So +don't let us be downhearted, papa, and mope while we are waiting +for better days. Each day may bring us something that we can enjoy +with honest zest." + +"God bless you, Millie," replied her father. "We'll try to do just +as you suggest." Nevertheless he sighed deeply. She was free; he +was a slave. In the depths of the placid lake the graceful swans, +the pretty wooded shores, were faithfully reflected. In Mildred's +clear blue eyes the truth of her words, the goodness and sincerity +of her heart, were revealed with equal certainty. His eyes were +downcast and fixed on an abyss which no soul has ever fathomed. + +"Great God!" he murmured, "I must escape; I shall--I WILL escape;" +but while Mildred stepped into a florist's shop to purchase a +blooming plant for Mrs. Wheaton, he furtively took from his pocket +a small paper of white-looking powder--just the amount which +experience had taught him he could take and not betray himself. +As a result she was delighted to find him genial and wakeful until +they parted rather late in the old mansion wherein, she jestingly +said, she proposed to build their nest, like a barn-swallow, the +following day. + +After a brief consultation with Mrs. Wheaton the next morning +Mildred told her father to send for the rest of the family at once, +and that she would be ready for them. The household goods arrived +promptly from their place of storage, and she was positively happy +while transforming the bare rooms into a home that every hour grew +more inviting. They had retained, when giving up their house in the +spring, more furniture than was sufficient for the limited space +they would now occupy, and Mildred had enough material and taste to +banish the impression of poverty almost wholly from their two rooms. +She had the good sense, also, to make the question of appearances +always secondary to that of comfort, and rigorously excluded what +was bulky and unnecessary. "I don't like crowded rooms," she +said, "and mamma must have just as little to care for and tax her +strength as possible." One side of the large room was partitioned +off as a sleeping apartment for her father, mother, and the two +children, and was made private by curtains of dark, inexpensive +material. The remainder and larger part facing the east was to be +kitchen, dining and living room. Mrs. Wheaton did the heavy work, +and looked on in delighted wonder as the young girl, with a gift +peculiarly her own, gave an air of grace and homelike coziness to +every part. Hers was a true woman's touch in woman's undisputed +realm, and her father, with strange alternations of sighs and +smiles, assisted her after his return from business. Gas had never +been introduced in the old house, and so two pretty shaded lamps +were bought. One stood on the lofty, old-fashioned mantel, which +was so high that Mildred could pass under it without stooping, and +the other on the table that was to serve for many uses. + +"If we should put a crane in the fireplace," Mr. Jocelyn dreamily +mused, "I could imagine that we were at my old home in the South;" +but she had said they could not afford that amount of sentiment, +and therefore a stove was obtained of the same model that shrewd +Mrs. Wheaton had found so well adapted to varied uses. + +After two busy days their task was wellnigh completed, and Mildred +slept in her own little room, which she was to share with Belle, +and her weariness, and the sense that the resting-place was hers +by honest right, brought dreamless and refreshing sleep. For the +sake of "auld lang syne," her father kindled a fire on the hearth, +and sat brooding over it, looking regretfully back into the past, +and with distrustful eyes toward the future. The dark commercial +outlook filled that future with many uncertain elements; and yet, +alas! he felt that he himself was becoming the chief element of +uncertainty in the problem of their coming life. There were times +when he could distinguish between his real prospects and his vague +opium dreams, but this power of correct judgment was passing from +him. When not under the influence of the drug everything looked dull, +leaden, and hopeless. Thus he alternated between utter dejection, +for which there would have been no cause were he in his normal +condition, and sanguine hopes and expectations that were still more +baseless. He had not gone to a physician and made known his condition, +as he had intended while on his brief visit to the country; his +pride had revolted at such a confession of weakness, and he felt +that surely he would have sufficient strength of mind to break the +spell unaided. But, so far from breaking it, every day had increased +its power. + +The effects of opium and the strength of the habit, as is the case +with other stimulants, vary with the temperament and constitution +of the victims. A few can use it with comparative moderation and +with no great detriment for a long time, especially if they allow +considerable intervals to elapse between the periods of indulgence, +but they eventually sink into as horrible a thraldom as that which +degrades the least cautious. Upon far more the drug promptly fastens +its deathly grip, and too often when they awaken to their danger +they find themselves almost powerless. Still if they would then +seek a physician's advice and resolutely cease using the poison in +any form, they would regain their physical and mental tone within +a comparatively brief time. I am glad to believe that some do +stop at this period and escape. Their sufferings for a time must +be severe, and yet they are nothing compared with the tortures +awaiting them if they do not abstain. The majority, however, +temporize and attempt a gradual reformation. There is not a ray of +hope or the faintest prospect of cure for those who at this stage +adopt half-way measures. They soon learn that they cannot maintain +the moderation which they have resolved upon. A healthful man of +good habits may be said to be at par. One indulgence in opium lifts +him far above par, but in the inevitable reaction he sinks below +it, and wronged nature will not rally at once; therefore she is +hastened and spurred by the stimulant, and the man rises above par +again, yet not quite so high as before, and he sinks lower in the +reaction. With this process often repeated the system soon begins +to lose its elasticity; the man sinks lower and more heavily +every time; the amount of the drug that once produced a delightful +exhilaration soon scarcely brings him up to par, and he must +steadily strengthen the fatal leverage until at last even a deadly +dose cannot lift him into any condition like his old exhilaration +or serenity. + +There are a vast number of men and women who ought never to take +stimulants at all. They had better die than to begin to use them +habitually, and even to touch them is hazardous. There is slumbering +in their natures a predisposition toward their excessive use which +a slight indulgence may kindle into a consuming, clamorous desire. +Opium had apparently found something peculiarly congenial in Mr. +Jocelyn's temperament and constitution, and at first it had rewarded +him with experiences more delightful than most of its votaries +enjoy. But it is not very long content to remain a servant, and in +many instances very speedily becomes the most terrible of masters. +He had already reached such an advanced stage of dependence upon it +that its withdrawal would now leave him weak, helpless, and almost +distracted for a time. It would probably cost him his situation; +his weakness would be revealed to his family and to the world, and +the knowledge of it might prevent his obtaining employment elsewhere; +therefore he felt that he must hide the vice and fight it to its +death in absolute secrecy. Under the terrible necromancy of his sin +the wife from whom he had scarcely concealed a thought in preceding +years was the one whom he most feared. As yet the habit was a sin, +because he had the power to overcome it if he would simply resolve +to do right regardless of the consequences; and these would be +slight indeed compared with the results of further indulgence. He +had better lose his situation a hundred times; he had better see +his family faint from hunger for weeks together, should such an +ordeal be an essential part of his struggle for freedom, for only +by such an unfaltering effort could he regain the solid ground on +which enduring happiness and prosperity could be built. As it was, +he was rapidly approaching a point where his habit would become a +terrible and uncontrollable disease, for which he would still be +morally responsible--a responsibility, however, in which, before +the bar of true justice, the physician who first gave the drug +without adequate caution would deeply share. He felt his danger as +he sat cowering over the dying fire; even with its warmth added to +that of the summer night he shivered at his peril, but he did not +appreciate it in any proper sense. He resolved again, as he often +had before, that each day should witness increasing progress, then +feeling that he MUST sleep he bared his arm and sent enough of +Magendie's solution into his system to produce such rest as opium +bestows. + +To her surprise Mildred found the awakening of her father a difficult +task the following morning. The boat on which his wife and children +were to arrive was probably already at the wharf, and she had thought +he would be up with the sun to meet them, but he seemed oppressed +with an untimely stupor. When at last he appeared he explained that +the fire on the hearth had induced a fit of brooding over the past +and future, and that he had sat up late. + +"Here's a cup of coffee, papa," she said briskly, "and it will wake +you up. I'll have breakfast ready for you all by the time you can +return, and I'm so eager to see mamma that I could fly to her." + +Mortified that he should even appear dilatory at such a time, +he hastened away, but he was far beyond such a mild stimulant as +coffee. Even now, when events were occurring which would naturally +sustain from their deep personal interest, he found himself reduced +to an almost complete dependence on an unnatural support. Before +sleeping he had appealed to his dread master, and his first waking +moments brought a renewed act of homage. Opium was becoming his +god, his religion. Already it stood between him and his wife and +children. It was steadily undermining his character, and if not +abandoned would soon leave but the hollow semblance of a man. + +As the steamboat arrived in the night, Mrs. Jocelyn had no sense of +disappointment at not being met, and through Mildred's persistency +it was still early when her husband appeared. His greeting was so +affectionate, and he appeared so well after his hasty walk, that +the old glad, hopeful look came into her eyes. To Belle and the +children, coming back to the city was like coming home as in former +years, only a little earlier. The farm had grown to be somewhat of +an old story, and Belle had long since voted it dull. + +"Well, Nan, we've come down to two rooms in very truth, and in an +old, old house, too, that will remind you of some of the oldest in +the South," and he drew such a humorous and forlorn picture of their +future abode that his wife felt that he had indeed taken her at +her word, and that they would scarcely have a place to lay their +heads, much less to live in any proper sense; and when she stopped +before the quaint and decrepit house without any front door; when +she followed her husband up the forlorn stairway to what seemed a +side entrance with its most dismal outlook, she believed that the +time for fortitude had come, in bitter truth. The hall was dark +to her sun-blinded eyes, as it had been to Mildred's, yet not so +dark but that she saw doors open and felt herself scanned with an +unblushing curiosity by slattern-looking women, her near neighbors, +and the thought that they were so very near made her shiver. As for +Belle, she did not take pains to hide her disgust. With a sinking +heart and faltering courage the poor gentlewoman mounted the winding +stairs, but before she reached the top there was a rush from an +open doorway, and Mildred clasped her in close embrace. + +"Welcome home!" she cried, in her clear, sweet, girlish voice. + +"Home, Millie! what a mockery that word is in this strange, strange +place!" she half whispered, half sobbed in her daughter's ear. + +"Courage, mamma. We promised papa we'd ask nothing better than he +could afford," Mildred murmured. "Don't let him see tears--he has +already put Fred down and is turning to welcome you to the best +home he can offer." + +Had the rooms been cells only, with but a pallet of straw upon the +floors, Mrs. Jocelyn would have responded to that appeal, and she +stepped forward resolved to smile and appear pleased with everything, +no matter how stifled she might feel for want of space, air, and +light. + +But when she crossed the threshold into the spacious, sun-lighted +room, and looked up at the high ceiling and across its wide area; +when she had glanced around and seen on every side the results of +the strong spells laid upon stout Mrs. Wheaton by Mildred's domestic +magic, and the dainty touches with which the solid work had been +supplemented, her face lighted up with a sweet surprise. + +"Oh, OH, how much better this is than you led me to expect! Is all +this really ours? Can we afford so large a room? Here are the dear +old things, too, with which I first went to housekeeping." Then +stepping to her husband's aide she put her arm around his neck as +she looked into his eyes and said, "Martin, this is home. Thank +God, it is home-like after all. With you and the children around +me I can be more than content--I can be very happy in this place. +I feared that we might be too crowded, and that the children might +suffer." + +"Of course you didn't think of yourself, Nan. Millie's the good +fairy to thank for all this. The way she and another female divinity +have conjured in these rooms the last three days is a matter wholly +beyond the masculine mind." + +"Father did a great deal, too, and did it much better than you could +expect from a man. But, come, I'm mistress of this small fraction +of the venerable mansion till after breakfast, and then, mamma, +I'll put the baton of rule in your hands. I've burned my fingers +and spoiled my complexion over the stove, and I don't intend that +a cold breakfast shall be the result." + +"Millie," cried Belle, rushing out of the second room, which she +had inspected in her lightning-like way before greeting her sister, +"our room is lovely. You are a gem, an onyx, a fickle wild rose. +It's all splendid--a perpetual picnic place, to which we'll bring +our own provisions and cook 'em our own way. No boss biddies in +this establishment. It's ever so much better than I expected after +you once get here; but as the hymn goes, 'How dark and dismal is +the way!'" + +It was with difficulty that the children, wild over the novelty of +it all, could be settled quietly at the table. It was the family's +first meal in a tenement-house. The father's eye grew moist as he +looked around his board and said, deep in his heart, "Never did a +sweeter, fairer group grace a table in this house, although it has +stood more than a century. If for their sakes I cannot be a man--" + +"Martin," began his wife, her delicate features flushing a little, +"before we partake of this our first meal I want you all to join +me in your hearts while I say from the depths of mine, God bless +our home." + +An hour later, as he went down-town, Mr. Jocelyn finished his +sentence. "If for the sake of such a wife and such children I cannot +stop, I'm damned." + + + + +CHAPTER XVI + +BELLE AND MILDRED + + +The cosmopolitan bachelor living in apartments knows far more of +Sanscrit than of a domestic woman's feelings as she explores the +place she must call her home. It may be a palace or it may be but +two rooms in a decaying tenement, but the same wistful, intent +look will reveal one of the deepest needs of her nature. Eve wept +not so much for the loss of Eden as for the loss of home--the familiar +place whose homeliest objects had become dear from association. The +restless woman who has no home-hunger, no strong instinct to make +a place which shall be a refuge for herself and those she loves, +is not the woman God created. She is the product of a sinister +evolution; she is akin to the birds that will not build nests, but +take possession of those already constructed, ousting the rightful +occupants. + +Mrs. Jocelyn and Mildred were unperverted; they were womanly in +every fibre, and the interest with which they planned, consulted, +and dwelt upon each detail of their small household economy is +beyond my power to interpret. They could have made the stateliest +mansion in the city homelike; they did impart to their two poor +rooms the essential elements of a home. It was a place which no one +could enter without involuntary respect for the occupants, although +aware of nothing concerning them except their poverty. + +"Mrs. Atwood and Susan actually cried when we came to go," Mrs. +Jocelyn remarked as they were all busy together, "and even old Mr. +Atwood was wonderfully good for him. He and Roger put a great many +harvest apples and vegetables in a large box, and Mrs. Atwood added +a jar of her nice butter, some eggs, and a pair of chickens. I +told them that we must begin life again in a very humble way, and +they just overflowed with sympathy and kindness, and I could scarcely +induce them to take any money for the last week we were there. It +was funny to see old Mr. Atwood: he wanted the money dreadfully--any +one could see that, for a dollar is dear to his heart--but he +also wanted to be generous like his wife, and to show his strong +good-will. They sent heaps of love to you, Millie, and cordially +invited us to visit them next summer; they also offered to board +us again for just as little as they could afford. Even Jotham +appeared to have something on his mind, for he was as helpful as +an elephant, and stood around, and stood around, but at last went +off muttering to himself." + +"Millie," said Belle indignantly, "I think you treated Roger +shamefully. After we returned from seeing you off, mamma and I went +mooning up to that hill of yours looking toward the south, because +you and papa were in that direction. Suddenly we came upon Roger +sitting there with his face buried in his hands. 'Are you ill?' +mamma asked, as if his trouble might have been a stomach-ache. +He started up and looked white in the moonlight. 'She was cruel,' +he said passionately; 'I only asked for friendship. I would have +given my life for her, but she treated Jotham better than she did +me, and she thinks I'm no better than he is--that I'm one of the +farm animals.' 'Mr. Atwood,' mamma began, 'she did not mean to be +cruel'--he interrupted her with an impatient gesture. 'The end +hasn't come yet,' he muttered and stalked away." + +Mildred sat down with a little perplexed frown upon her face. +"I'm sure I meant him only kindness," she said; "why will he be so +absurd?" + +"You had a queer way of showing your kindness," snapped Belle. + +"What would you have me to do? Encourage him to leave home, and +all sorts of folly?" + +"You can't prevent his leaving home. Mark my words, he'll soon be +in this city, and he'll make his way too. He's a good deal more +of a man than your lily-fingered Mr. Arnold, and if he wants to be +friendly to me and take me out sometimes, I won't have him snubbed. +Of course all my old friends will cut me dead." + +"Oh, if he will transfer his devotion to you, Belle, I'll be as +friendly as you wish. + +"No, you've spoiled him for me or any one else. He's fool enough to +think there's not another girl in the world but Mildred Jocelyn, and +he'll get you if you don't look out, for he has the most resolute +look that I ever saw in any one's eyes. The day before we came +away something happened that took away my breath. A man brought a +young horse which he said no one could manage. Roger went out and +looked into the beast's eyes, and the vicious thing bit at him and +struck at him with his forefoot. Then as he tried to stroke his +back he kicked up with both hind feet. Oh, he was a very Satan of +a horse, and they had a rope around his head that would have held +a ship. Roger went and got what he called a curb-bit, and almost in +a twinkling he had slipped it on the horse, and without a moment's +hesitation he sprang upon his bare back. The horse then reared +so that I thought he'd fall over backward on Roger. Mamma fairly +looked faint--it was right after dinner--Susan and the children +were crying, his father and mother, and even the owner of the +horse, were calling to him to get off, but he merely pulled one rein +sharply, and down the horse came on his four feet again. Instead of +looking frightened he was coolly fastening the rope so as to have +it out of the way. After letting the ugly beast rear and plunge +and kick around in the road a few minutes, Roger turned his head +toward a stone wall that separated the road from a large pasture +field that was full of cows, and he went over the fence with a +flying leap, at which we all screamed and shouted again. Then away +they went round and round that field, the cows, with their tails +in the air, careering about also, as much excited as we were. At +last, when the horse found he couldn't throw him, he lay down and +rolled. Roger was off in a second, and then sat on the beast's +head for a while so he couldn't get up when he wanted to. At last +he let the brute get up again, but he was no sooner on his feet +than Roger was on his back, and away they went again till the horse +was all in a foam, and Roger could guide him easily with one hand. +He then leaped the tamed creature back into the road, and came +trotting quietly to the kitchen door. Springing lightly down, and +with one arm over the panting horse's neck, he said quietly, 'Sue, +bring me two or three lumps of sugar.' The horse ate them out of +his hand, and then followed him around like a spaniel. His owner +was perfectly carried away; 'Jerusalem!' he exclaimed, 'I've never +seen the beat of that. I offered you twenty-five dollars if you +would break him, and I'll make it thirty if at the end of a month +you'll train him to saddle and harness. He wasn't worth a rap till +you took him in hand.' 'It's a bargain,' said Roger coolly, and +then he whispered to me, 'That will buy me a pile of books.' That's +the kind of a man that I believe in," concluded Belle, nodding her +head emphatically, "and I want you to understand that Roger Atwood +and I are very good friends." + +Mildred meditatively bit her lip, and her cheeks had flushed with +excitement at Belle's story, but she would make no comment upon it +in words. "What does he want with so many books?" she asked, after +a moment. + +"You'll see before you are gray." + +"Indeed! has he taken you into his confidence, also?" + +"That's my affair. I believe in him, and so will you some day. He +already knows more Latin than you do." + +"That's not saying a great deal," replied Mildred, with a short, +vexed laugh. "How came he to know Latin?" + +"He studied it at school as you did. The fact is, you are so +prejudiced you know nothing about him. He's strong and brave, and +he'll do what he attempts." + +"He'll find that I am strong, too, in my way," said Mildred coldly. +"He said something that hurt me more than I hurt him, and all I ask +of him is to leave me alone. I wish him well, and all that, but we +are not congenial. Complete success in his wild ambition wouldn't +make any difference. He ought to remain at home and take care of +his own people." + +"Well, I'm glad he's coming to New York, and I hope for my sake +you'll treat him politely." + +"Oh, certainly for YOUR sake, Belle. Let us all stick to that." + +"Belle's a mere child," said Mrs. Jocelyn, with her low laugh. + +"I'm sixteen years old, I thank you; that is, I shall be soon; and +I know a real man from the ghost of one." + +"Belle," cried Mildred, in a tone she rarely used, "I will neither +permit nor pardon any such allusions." + +"Come, girls," expostulated their mother, "our nest is too small +for any disagreements, and we have a great deal too much to do for +such useless discussions. I'm sorry with Millie that Roger is bent +on leaving home, for I think his parents need him, and he could do +well in the country. The city is too crowded already." + +"He'll make his way through the crowd," persisted Belle. + +"Does his father or mother know of his plans?" + +"Well, to tell the truth, I don't know very much about his plans. +He talks little concerning himself, but when he took me out to +drive the day after Millie left, he said he had decided to come to +New York and get an education, and that if I'd let him know where +we lived he'd come and see me occasionally. I said, 'What will they +do at home without you?' and he replied, 'I can do more for them +away from home by and by than here.' Now, mamma, you'll let him +come to see me, won't you?" + +"Certainly, Belle. I'll be reasonable in this respect. I know young +people need company and recreation. My only aim has ever been to +secure you and Millie good company, and I hope your love for me, +Belle, will lead you to shun any other. As we are now situated you +must be very, very cautious in making new acquaintances. Young Mr. +Atwood is a good, honest-hearted fellow, and I think Millie is a +little prejudiced against him." + +"Very well, mamma, I'll be all smiles so long as he devotes himself +to Belle; but he must stop there most emphatically." + +Thus with busy tongues and busier hands they talked of the past +and the future while they unpacked and stowed away their belongings +with almost the same economy of space that is practiced on shipboard. +Mrs. Wheaton was introduced, and she at once became a fast ally of +Mrs. Jocelyn as well as of Mildred. + +"I 'ope yer'll halways remember yer 'ave a neighbor that's 'andy +and villing," she said, as she courtesied herself out. "Hit's too +bad," she muttered, on her way back to her room, "that she's 'ad +to come down to this, for she's a born lady; she's has much a lady +as hany 'oo howned this 'ouse a 'undred years hago." + +Thus their life began in the old mansion, and from its humble +shelter they looked abroad to see what they could obtain from the +great indifferent world without. + +"Belle and I must not be idle an hour longer than we can help," +said Mildred resolutely, on the following day; "and the only thing +is to find what it would be best to do. I am going out to try to +sell the work I did in the country, and see if I cannot get orders +for more of the same kind. My great hope is that I can work at +home. I wish I knew enough to be a teacher, but like all the rest +I know a little of everything, and not much of anything. Fancy work +will be my forte, if I can only sell it. I do hope I shan't meet +any one I know," and heavily veiled she took her way with her dainty +fabrics toward the region of fashionable shops. Those, however, who +were willing to buy offered her so little that she was discouraged, +and she finally left the articles at a store whose proprietor was +willing to receive them on commission. + +"You must not calculate on speedy sale," the lady in charge remarked. +"People are very generally out of town yet, and will be for some +time. Your work is pretty, however, and will sell, I think, later +on, although in these hard times useful articles are chiefly in +demand." + +"Please do your best for me," said Mildred appealingly, "and please +let me know what you think will sell. I'm willing to do any kind +of work I can that will bring the money we need." After receiving +some suggestions she bought more material, and then sat down to +work in the hope that the returning citizens would purchase her +articles so liberally that she could do her share toward the family's +support. + +She did not shrink from labor, but with the false pride so general +she did shrink morbidly from meeting those who knew her in the past, +and from their learning where and how she lived. She was wholly +bent on seclusion until their fortunes were greatly mended, fondly +hoping that her father would rally such a constituency from his +Southern acquaintance that he would soon command a fine salary. +And the expectation was not an unreasonable one, had Mr. Jocelyn +been able to work with persistent energy for a few years. The South +was impoverished, and while a remunerative trade might be built up +from it, patient and exceedingly aggressive labor would be required +to secure such a result. It is the curse of opium, however, to +paralyze energy, and to render all effort fitful and uncertain. He +should have written scores of letters daily, and attended to each +commission with the utmost promptness and care, but there were times +when the writing of a single letter was a burden, and too often +it was vague and pointless like the condition of his mind when it +was written. Mildred did not dream of this, and his employers felt +that they must give him time before expecting very much return for +his effort. Since he attended to routine duties fairly well there +was no cause for complaint, although something in his manner +often puzzled them a little. It was Mildred's belief that renewed +prosperity would soon enable them to live in a way entitling them +to recognition in the society to which Arnold belonged. If thus +much could be accomplished she felt that he own and her lover's +faithfulness would accomplish the rest. They were both young, and +could afford to wait. + +"The world brings changes for the better sometimes," she thought, +as she plied her needle, "as well as for the worse; and no matter +what his proud mother thinks, I'm sure I could take better care of +him than she can. Whether they know it or not, the course of his +family toward him is one of cold-blooded cruelty and repression. If +he could live in a genial, sunny atmosphere of freedom, affection, +and respect, his manhood would assert itself, he would grow stronger, +and might do as much in his way as Roger Atwood ever can in his. +He has a fine mind and a brilliant imagination; but he is chilled, +imbittered, and fettered by being constantly reminded of his +weakness and dependence; and now positive unhappiness is added to +his other misfortunes, although I think my little note will do him +no harm"--she dreamed that it might be carried next to his heart +instead of mouldering where the faithless Jotham had dropped it. +"I shall not punish him for his family's harsh pride, from which he +suffers even more than I do. Turn, turn, fortune's wheel! We are +down now, but that only proves that we must soon come up again. Being +poor and living in a tenement isn't so dreadful as I feared, and +we can stand it for a while. As stout Mrs. Wheaton says, 'There's +vorse troubles hin the vorld.' Now that we know and have faced the +worst we can turn our hopes and thoughts toward the best." + +Poor child! It was well the future was veiled. + +The mode of Belle's activity was a problem, but that incipient +young woman practically decided it herself. She was outspoken in +her preference. + +"I don't want to work cooped up at home," she said. "I'd go wild +if I had to sit and stitch all day. School half killed me, although +there was always some excitement to be had in breaking the rules." + +"Naughty Belle!" cried her mother. + +"Never naughty when you coax, mamma. I'd have been a saint if they'd +only taken your tactics with me, but they didn't know enough, thank +fortune, so I had my fun. If they had only looked at me as you do, +and put me on my honor, and appealed to my better feelings and all +that, and laughed with me and at me now and then, I'd been fool +enough to have kept every rule. You always knew, mamma, just how +to get me right under your thumb, in spite of myself." + +"I hope I may always keep you there, my darling, in spite of this +great evil world, out into which you wish to go. It is not under +my thumb, Belle, but under my protecting wing that I wish to keep +you." + +"Dear little mother," faltered the warm-hearted girl, her eyes filling +with tears, "don't you see I've grown to be too big a chicken to +be kept under your wing? I must go out and pick for myself, and +bring home a nice morsel now and then for the little mother, too. +Yes, I admit that I want to go out into the world. I want to be +where everything is bright and moving. It's my nature, and what's +the use of fighting nature? You and Millie can sit here like two +doves billing and cooing all day. I must use my wings. I'd die in +a cage, even though the cage was home. But never fear, I'll come +back to it every night, and love it in my way just as much as you +do in yours. You must put me in a store, mamma, where there are +crowds of people going and coming. They won't do me any more harm +than when I used to meet them in the streets, but they'll amuse me. +My eyes and hands will be busy, and I won't die from moping. I've +no more education than a kitten, but shop-girls are not expected +to know the dead languages, and I can talk my own fast enough." + +"Indeed you can!" cried Mildred. + +"But, Belle," said her mother, who was strongly inclined toward +Mildred's idea of seclusion until fortune's wheel HAD turned, +"how will you like to have it known in after years that you were +a shopgirl?" + +"Yes," added Mildred, "you may have to wait on some whom you +invited to your little company last spring. I wish you could find +something to do that would be quiet and secluded." + +"Oh, nonsense!" cried Belle impatiently. "We can't hide like bears +that go into hollow trees and suck their paws for half a dozen years, +more or less"--Belle's zoological ideas were startling rather than +accurate--"I don't want to hide and cower. Why should we? We've +done nothing we need be ashamed of. Father's been unfortunate; so +have hundreds and thousands of other men in these hard times. Roger +showed me an estimate, cut from a newspaper, of how many had failed +during the last two or three years--why, it was an army of men. +We ain't alone in our troubles, and Roger said that those who cut +old acquaintances because they had been unfortunate were contemptible +snobs, and the sooner they were found out the better; and I want +to find out my score or two of very dear friends who have eaten +ice-cream at our house. I hope I may have a chance to wait on 'em. +I'll do it with the air of a princess," she concluded, assuming +a preternatural dignity, "and if they put on airs I'll raise +the price of the goods, and tell them that since they are so much +above other people they ought to pay double price for everything. +I don't believe they'll all turn up their noses at me," she added, +after a moment, her face becoming wistful and gentle in its expression +as she recalled some favorites whose whispered confidences and vows +of eternal friendship seemed too recent to be meaningless and empty. + +The poor child would soon learn that, although school-girls' vows +are rarely false, they are usually as fragile and transient as +harebells. She had dropped into a different world, and the old one +would fade like a receding star. She would soon find her that her +only choice must be to make new associations and friendships and +find new pleasures; and this her mercurial, frank, and fearless +nature would incline her to do very promptly. + +With Mildred it was different. The old life was almost essential +to her, and it contained everything that her heart most craved. + +Her courage was not Belle's natural and uncalculating intrepidity. +She would go wherever duty required her presence, she would sacrifice +herself for those she loved, and she was capable of martyrdom for +a faith about as free from doctrinal abstractions as the simple +allegiance of the sisters of Bethany to the Christ who "loved" +them. Notwithstanding the truth of all this, it has already been +shown that she was a very human girl. Brave and resolute she could +be, but she would tremble and escape if possible. Especially would +she shrink from anything tending to wound her womanly delicacy and +a certain trace of sensitive Southern pride. Above all things she +shrank from that which threatened her love. This was now her life, +and its absorbing power colored all her thoughts and plans. Both +conscience and reason, however, convinced her that Belle was right, +and that the only chance for the vigorous, growing girl was some +phase of active life. With her very limited attainments, standing +behind a counter seemed the only opening that the family would +consider, and it was eventually agreed upon, after a very reluctant +consent from her father. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII + +BELLE LAUNCHES HERSELF + + +Only the least of Belle's difficulties were past when she obtained +consent to stand behind a counter. With her mother she made many +a weary expedition through the hot streets, and was laughed at in +some instances for even imagining that employment could be obtained +at the dullest season of the year. As soon as their errand was +made known they were met by a brief and often a curt negative. Mrs. +Jocelyn would soon have been discouraged, but Belle's black eyes +only snapped with irritation at their poor success. "Give up?" +she cried. "No, not if I have to work for nothing to get a chance. +Giving up isn't my style, at least not till I'm tired of a thing; +besides it's a luxury poor people can't indulge in." + +Mrs. Jocelyn felt that the necessity which compelled this quest +was a bitter one, and her heart daily grew sorer that she had not +resolutely saved part of every dollar earned by her husband in the +old prosperous times. As she saw the poor young creatures standing +wearily, and often idly and listlessly, through the long summer +days, as her woman's eyes detected in the faces of many the impress +of the pain they tried to conceal but could never forget, she half +guessed that few laborers in the great city won their bread more +hardly than these slender girls, doomed in most instances never +to know a vigorous and perfected womanhood. "Belle, my child, how +can you stand during these long, hot days? It's providential that +we can't find any place." + +"Well, mamma, I'm not very well up in the ways of Providence. I fear +the dull season has more to do with it. Nevertheless I'm going to +make a situation if I can't find one." + +She had in her mind a shop on Sixth Avenue, which had the appearance +of a certain "go and life," as she phrased it. + +"There's a strong-willed, wide-awake man back of that establishment," +she had said to herself more than once, "and if I could get at him +I believe he'd give me work, but the hateful old foreman stands in +the way like a dragon". + +She and her mother had been curtly informed by this well-dressed +"dragon," which parted its hair like a woman, that "there was +no use in bothering the proprietor; he never added to his help in +August--the idea was absurd." + +One morning after Mrs. Jocelyn had about given up the hope of obtaining +a place until the autumn trade revived--as far as it would revive +in those languid years--Belle started out alone, heavily veiled, and +with her purpose also veiled from her mother and Mildred. She went +straight to the shop on Sixth Avenue that had taken her fancy, and +walked up to the obnoxious foreman without a trace of hesitation. +"I wish to see Mr. Schriven," she said, in a quiet, decisive manner. + +"He is very busy, madam, and does not like to be disturbed. I will +attend to anything you wish." + +"Thank you; then please direct me to the proprietor's office without +delay." + +After a moment's hesitation the man complied. This veiled presence +had the appearance of a gentlewoman and was decided in manner. +Therefore he led the way to a small private office, and said, "A +lady, sir, who insists on seeing you," and then discreetly closed +the door and departed. + +The man of business allowed his pen to glide to the end of his +sentence before turning to greet his visitor. Belle in the meantime +had advanced to a point from which she could look directly into +his face, for, child though she was, she understood that it was +her difficult task first to obtain a hearing, and then to disarm +his anger at her intrusion. Aware, however, that she had nothing +to lose and everything to gain by the adventure, her natural +fearlessness and quickness of tongue carried her through. She +had already guessed that an appeal for employment, even the most +pitiful, would meet with a flat, prompt refusal, therefore she had +resolved on different tactics. + +At last the man lifted his head in his quick, imperious way, asking, +as he turned toward her, "What is your business with me, madam?" + +"I like your store very much," Belle remarked quietly. + +Mr. Schriven now really glanced at her, and he found her brilliant +black eyes and fair flushed face such pleasing objects of contemplation +that he was content to look for a moment while he puzzled a little +over the unexpected apparition. He then smiled satirically and +said, "What follows from so momentous a fact?" + +"It follows that I would rather be employed here than in other +stores that I do not like so well. My mother and I have visited +nearly every one, and I like yours best." + +"Well, this IS cool. You and your mother were refused employment +at this season at all the others, were you not?" + +"Yes, sir." + +"And my foreman declined your services here, also, did he not?" + +"Yes, sir, but I was sure that if I saw you I should obtain my +wish. There's a life and snap about this place that I didn't see +elsewhere, and therefore I knew a live man, and not a machine, was +back of it, and that if I could see and talk with him he'd give me +a chance." + +"You are exceedingly flattering," said the man, with another +satirical smile. "Has it not occurred to you that your course is +just tinged with assurance?" + +"Have I said or done anything unbecoming a lady?" asked Belle +indignantly. + +Mr. Schriven laughed good-naturedly, for Belle's snapping eyes and +brusque ways were beginning to interest him. "Oh, I forgot that you +American working-women are all ladies. I am told that you speak of +certain of your number as 'scrub-ladies' and 'washer-ladies.'" + +"You may call me a shop-girl, sir, as soon as I am in your employ." + +"And why not now?" + +"Because I'm not yet a shop-girl, and never have been one. I've +often bought goods with my mother in this very store, and I come +from as good blood as there is in the South. A few months ago my +social position was as good as yours, and now that we have been +unfortunate and I must work, I see no presumption in asking you to +your face for honest work." + +"Not at all, my dear young lady," resumed Mr. Schriven, still +maintaining his half-amused, half-ironical manner, "but I must inform +you that I cannot afford to employ my social equals as shop-girls." + +"When I enter your employ of my own free will," responded Belle +promptly, "I the same as promise to obey all the rules and regulations +of your establishment, and I'll do it, too. What's more, I'll sell +so many goods in dull times and all times that you can well afford +to make a place for me if you have none. One thing is certain--I'm +going to get work, and my work will repay those who employ me a +hundred times." + +"Well, you are an odd fish," Mr. Schriven ejaculated; "I beg your +pardon, you are not yet in my employ--you are an eccentric young +lady, and a very young one, too, to be making your way in the world +in this irresistible style. You mean what you say, that if employed +you will put on no airs and conform to rules?" + +"I mean just what I say." + +Mr. Schriven fell into a foxy fit of musing, and there rose before +his mind the pale face and dragged, weary, listless look of a girl +now standing at the ribbon counter. "She'll break down when hard +work begins again," he thought; "she's giving way now with nothing +much to do. To be sure she has been here a long time, and has done +her best and all that, but her day is past, and here's plenty of +young flesh and blood to fill her place. This one is rather young, +but she's smart as a whip--she's full of mettle and is fresh and +healthy-looking. It won't do to have pale girls around, for it +gives cursed busybodies a chance to rant about women standing all +day. (Out of the corner of his eye he measured Belle from head to +foot.) She can stand, and stand it, too, for a long while. She's +compact and stout. She's built right for the business." At last he +said, aloud, "In case I should so far depart from my usual custom +and make a place for you, as you suggest, what do you propose to +charge for the services you rate so highly?" + +"What you choose to give." + +"Well," was the laughing answer, "there's method in your madness. +Take that pen and write what I dictate." + +Belle wrote a few sentences in a dashing, but sufficiently legible +hand. + +"You will have to practice a little, and aim at distinctness +and clearness. That's more than style in business," Mr. Schriven +continued deliberately, for the young creature was so delightfully +fresh and original that he began to regard her as an agreeable +episode in the dull August day. "I'll make a place for you, as you +say, if you will come for three dollars a week and comply with the +rules. You are to do just as you are bid by those having charge of +your department, and you had better keep on their right side. You +are not to come to me again, remember, unless I send for you," he +concluded, with his characteristic smile; "an event that you must +not look forward to, for I assure you such interviews are rare +in my experience. Come next Monday at seven if you agree to these +conditions." + +"I agree, and I thank you," the girl promptly answered, her +brilliant eyes glowing with triumph, for thoughts like these were +in her mind: "How I can crow over mamma and Millie, who said this +very morning there was no use in trying! Won't it be delicious to +hand papa enough money to pay the rent for a month!" No wonder the +child's face was radiant. + +The thoughts of her employer were of quite a different character. +He gave her a look of bold admiration, and said familiarly, "By +Jupiter, but you are a daisy!" + +Belle's manner changed instantly. He caught a swift, indignant flash +in her dark eyes, and then she laid her hand on the door-knob and +said, with the utmost deference and distance of manner, "I will try +to attend to the duties of my station in a way that will cause no +complaint. Good morning, sir." + +"Wait a moment," and Mr. Schriven touched a bell, and immediately +the foreman appeared. + +"Give this girl a place next Monday at the ribbon counter," he said, +in the quick staccato tones of one who is absolute and saves time +even in the utterance of words. "I also wish to see you two hours +hence." + +The man bowed, as if all were a matter of course, but when he was +alone with Belle he said sharply, "You think you got ahead of me." + +He would indeed have been the most malicious of dragons had not +Belle's smiling face and frank words disarmed him. + +"I did get ahead of you, and you know it, but you are too much of +a man to hold a grudge against a poor girl who has her bread to +earn. Now that I am under your charge I promise that I'll do my +best to please you." + +"Very well, then; we'll see. I'll have my eye on you, and don't +you forget it." + +Mrs. Jocelyn and Mildred laughed, sighed, and shook their heads over +Belle's humorous account of her morning's adventure. They praised +her motive, they congratulated her on her success, but her mother +said earnestly, "My dear little girl, don't get bold and unwomanly. +We had all better starve than come to that. It would wound me to +the heart if your manner should ever cause any one to think of you +otherwise than as the pure-hearted, innocent girl that you are. But +alas! Belle, the world is too ready to think evil. You don't know +it yet at all." + +She knew it better than they thought. There was one phase of her +interview with Mr. Schriven that she had not revealed, well knowing +that her gentle mother would be inexorable in her decision that the +shop must not even be entered again. The girl was rapidly acquiring +a certain shrewd hardihood. She was not given to sentiment, and +was too young to suffer deeply from regret for the past. Indeed +she turned buoyantly toward the future, while at the same time she +recognized that life had now become a keen battle among others in +like condition. + +"I don't intend to starve," she said to herself, "nor to bite off +my own nose because the world is not just what mother and Millie +think it ought to be. Papa would be inclined to break that man's +head if I told him what he said and how he looked. But what would +come of it? Papa would go to jail and we into the street. Unless +papa can get up in the world again very fast, Millie and I shall find +that we have got to take care of ourselves and hold our tongues. I +hadn't been around with mamma one day before I learned that much. +Mamma and Millie were never made to be working-women. They are +over-refined and high-toned, but I can't afford too much of that +kind of thing on three dollars a week. I'm a 'shop lady'--that's +the kind of lady I'm to be--and I must come right down to what +secures success without any nonsense." + +In justice it should be said that Belle's practical acceptance of +the situation looked forward to no compromise with evil; but she +had seen that she must come in contact with the world as it existed, +and that she must resolutely face the temptations incident to her +lot rather than vainly seek to escape from them. Alas! her young +eyes had only caught a faint glimpse of the influences that would +assail her untrained, half-developed moral nature. Body and soul +would be taxed to the utmost in the life upon which she was entering. + +On the Sunday following Mr. Jocelyn slept so late that none of +the family went to church. Indeed, since their old relations were +broken up they scarcely knew where to go, and Mildred no more +felt that she could return to the fashionable temple in which Mrs. +Arnold worshipped than present herself at the elegant mansion on +Fifth Avenue. The family spent the after part of the day in one +of the most secluded nooks they could find in Central Park, and +Mildred often looked back upon those hours as among the brightest +in the shrouded past. Mr. Jocelyn gauged his essential stimulant +so well that he was geniality itself; Belle was more exuberant than +usual; Fred and Minnie rejoiced once more in flowers and trees and +space to run. Mrs. Jocelyn's low, sweet laugh was heard again and +again, for those who made her life were all around her, and they +seemed happier than they had been for many a long, weary day. For +a brief time at least the sun shone brightly through a rift in the +clouds gathering around them. + +Beyond the fact that Belle had found a place, little was said to +Mr. Jocelyn, for the subject seemed very painful to him, and the +young girl started off Monday morning in high spirits. The foreman +met her in a curt, business-like way, and assigned her to her +place, saying that the girl in charge of the goods would tell her +about the marks, prices, etc. This girl and her companions received +Belle very coldly, nor did they thaw out before her sunshine. As a +matter both of duty and interest the young woman upon whom the task +devolved explained all that was essential in a harsh, constrained +voice, and the others ignored the newcomer during business hours. +Belle paid no attention to them, but gave her whole mind to the +details of her work, making rapid progress. "I'll have time for +them by and by," she muttered, "and can manage them all the better +when I know as much as they do." + +She saw, too, that the foreman had his eye upon her and her companions, +so she assumed the utmost humility and docility, but persisted in +being told and retold all she wished to know. Since she observed +that it was the foreman's eye and not good-will which constrained +the cold, unsympathetic instruction received, she made no scruple +in taxing the giver to the utmost. + +When at last they went to the room in which they ate their lunch, +the girls treated her as if she were a leper; but just to spite them +she continued as serene as a May morning, either acting as if she +did not see them or treating them as if they were the most charming +young women she had ever met. She saw with delight that her course +aggravated them and yet gave no cause for complaint. + +As soon as permitted she hastened home, and was glad to lie down all +the evening from sheer fatigue, but she made light of her weariness, +concealed the treatment she had received from the girls, and the +dejection it was beginning to occasion in spite of her courage; +she even made the little home group laugh by her droll accounts of +the day. Then they all petted and praised and made so much of her +that her spirits rose to their usual height, and she said confidently, +as she went to a long night's rest, "Don't you worry, little mother; +I didn't expect to get broken in to my work without a backache." + +The next day it was just the same, but Belle knew now what to charge +for the ribbons, or, if she was not sure, the others were obliged, +under the eye of the inexorable foreman--who for some reason gave +this counter a great deal of attention--to tell her correctly, so +she began to lie in wait for customers. Some came to her of their +own accord, and they smiled back into her eager, smiling face. + +In two or three instances her intent black eyes and manner seemed +to attract attention and arrest the steps of those who had no +intention of stopping. One case was so marked that the alert foreman +drew near to note the result. An elderly lady, whose eye Belle had +apparently caught by a look of such vivacity and interest that the +woman almost felt that she had been spoken to, came to the girl, +saying, "Well, my child, what have you that is pretty to-day?" + +"Just what will please you, madam." + +"YOU please me, whether your ribbons will or not. It's pleasant +for a customer to be looked at as if she were not a nuisance," she +added significantly, and in a tone that Belle's companions, with +their cold, impassive faces, could not fail to hear. "You may pick +out something nice for one of my little granddaughters." + +Dimpling with smiles and pleasure, Belle obeyed. Feeling that the eye +of the arbiter of their fates was upon them, the young women near +might have been statues in their rigid attitudes. Only the hot blood +mounting to their faces betrayed their anger. There was evidently +something wrong at the ribbon counter--something repressed, a +smouldering and increasing indignation, a suggestion of rebellion. +So the foreman evidently thought, from his frequent appearances; +so the floor-walker clearly surmised, for with imperious glances +and words he held each one sternly to her duty. Belle was smiling +and working in the midst of a gathering storm, and she was becoming +conscious of it. So far from cowering, her indignation was fast +rising, and there was an ominous glow kindling in her dark eyes. +Their seemingly unwarranted hostility and jealousy were beginning +to incense her. She believed she had as much right there as they +had, and she resolved to maintain her right. Catching an ireful +glance from the girl in charge of the counter, she returned it with +interest. Even this spark came very near kindling the repressed +fires into an open flame, regardless of consequences. The bread of +these girls was at stake, but women are not calculating when their +feelings are deeply disturbed. + +At last, just as the wretched afternoon was ending, and preparations +to close were in progress, a pale, thin girl, with a strange and +rather reckless look, came in, and, sitting down before Belle, +fixed her gaunt eyes upon her. + +"So you were heartless enough to take my place away from me?" she +said slowly, after a moment. + +"I don't know what you mean," answered Belle indignantly. + +"Yes, you do know what she means, you little black snake in the +grass," whispered one of the girls in her ear while pretending to +put a box upon the shelf. + +Belle whirled upon her with such a vivid and instantaneous flash +of anger that the girl stepped back precipitately and dropped the +box. + +Just at this moment Mr. Schriven, in the act of departure, came out +of his office and witnessed the whole scene. He stopped and smiled +broadly. The foreman had informed him from time to time of the little +"comedy" progressing at the ribbon counter, and the two potentates +felt quite indebted to Belle for a sensation in the dullest of dull +seasons, especially at the girl's conduct was wholly in the line +of their wishes, regulations, and interests. "She's as plucky as a +terrier," the echo of his chief had said, "and the time will come +when she'll sell more goods than any two girls in the store. You +made a ten-strike in effecting that exchange." + +It was rich sport for them to see her fiery spirit arousing and yet +defying the intense and ill-concealed hostility of her companions--a +hostility, too, that was extending beyond the ribbon counter, and +had been manifesting itself by whispering, significant nods, and +black looks toward the poor child all the afternoon; but so far +from shrinking before this concentration of ill-will Belle had only +grown more indignant, more openly resentful, and unable to maintain +her resolute and tantalizing serenity. + +Feeling that it would compromise his dignity and authority even +to appear to notice what was going forward, Mr. Schriven wrapped +himself in his greatness and passed down the shop, sweeping the excited +group--that was restrained for the moment by his presence--with a +cold, nonchalant glance, from which, however, nothing escaped. When +in the street his characteristic smile reappeared. + +"By the Lord Harry!" he muttered, "if she isn't the gamiest bit of +flesh and blood that I've seen in a long time! She's worth looking +after." + +Since his eye and restraining presence, however, were now absent +from the store, there would have been no small tumult at the ribbon +counter had not Belle by her straight-forward, fearless manner brought +things to a speedy issue. There were now no customers in the shop, +and the discipline of the day was practically over, therefore +the girl on whom Belle had turned so passionately, having reached +a safe distance, said, outspokenly, "I'll say it now, so all can +hear, even if I lose my place for it. You are a mean, p'ismis +little black snake in the grass. We all know how you got this girl +out of the place she's had for years, and I want you to understand +that if you stay you'll have a hot time of it." + +"And I want you to understand that if I've a right to stay, I WILL +stay," cried Belle, in a ringing voice. "I'm not afraid of you, nor +a thousand like you. Either you're all cats to treat a young girl +as you've treated me the last two days, or else there's something +that I don't understand. But I' m going to understand it here and +now. You hold your tongue, and let this girl speak who says I've +taken her place. She's the one I'm to deal with. But first let me +say how I got this place--I asked for it. That's the whole story, +and I didn't know I was taking it from any one else." + +Belle's courageous and truth-stamped manner began to create a +diversion in her favor, and all near listened with her to what the +dismissed girl might say. The latter did not in the least respond +to Belle's energy, but after a long, weary sigh she began, without +raising her head from her hand as she sat leaning on the counter, +"Whether you're right or wrong, I'm too badly used up to quarrel +with you or to answer in any such gunpowdery fashion. I'm dead +beat, but I thought I'd like to come in and see you all once more, +and my old place, and who was standing in it. You are at the beginning, +my pert one. If I was as young and strong as you I wouldn't come +and stand here." + +"How is your mother?" asked the girl in charge of the counter. + +"She's dying, starving," was the reply, in the same dreary, apathetic +tone, and black looks were again directed toward Belle. + +She heeded them not, however. For a moment her eyes dilated with +horror, then she sprang to the girl, and taking her hands exclaimed, +"Good God! What do you mean? Let me go home with you." + +The girl looked at her steadfastly, and then said, "Yes, come home +with me. That's the best way to understand it all." + +"We'll bring your mother something by and by," said two or three +of the girls as the poor creature rose slowly to follow Belle, who +was ready instantly, and whose course compelled a suspension of +judgment on the part of those even the most prejudiced against her. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII + +"I BELIEVE IN YOU" + + +"Come," cried Belle impatiently, as they made their way down Sixth +Avenue, which was crowded at that hour; "why do you walk so slowly? +If my mother was as badly off as you say yours is, I'd fly to her." + +"No, you wouldn't, if you had scarcely eaten anything for two days." + +"What!" Belle exclaimed, stopping short and looking at her companion +to see if she were in earnest. Something in her expression caused +the impulsive child to seize her hand and drag her into a bakery +near. Then snatching out her little purse she thrust it into the +girl's hands and said, "Here, take all I have and buy what you like +best." + +But instead of buying anything, the stranger looked wistfully into +the excited and deeply sympathetic face, and said slowly, "I don't +believe you're bad after all." + +"Oh, I'm bad enough--bad as most girls of my age," said the innocent +girl recklessly, "but I'm not bad enough to keep back a penny if I +knew any one was hungry. Stop looking at me and buy what you like, +or else let me do it. Take home some of this jelly-cake to your +mother. That would tempt my appetite if it ever needed any tempting. +I half believe you are shamming all this, you act so queer." + +"Come with me," said the girl, for the people in the store were +looking at them curiously. When in the street she continued, "You +are not bad. What is your name?" + +"Belle Jocelyn." + +"My name is Clara Bute. I AM hungry. I'm faint for food, but may +it choke me if I eat any before I take something home to mother! +Cake is not what either of us need, although it made me ravenous +to see it. You haven't much money here, Belle, and small as the +sum is, I don't know when I can repay it." + +"Oh, stop that kind of talk," cried Belle; "you'll drive me wild. +Let us get what your mother DOES want and take it to her without +another word." + +They purchased bread and milk, a little tea, a bit of beef, a +bundle of kindling-wood, and then Belle's slender funds gave out. +With these they turned into a side street and soon reached a tall +tenement. + +"Oh," sighed Clara, "how can I climb those dreadful stairs! We live +at the top." + +"Drink some of the milk," said Belle kindly, "and then let me carry +everything." + +"I guess I'll have to or I'll never get up at all." Slowly and +painfully she mounted flight after flight, sitting down at last +and resting after each ascent. "I didn't--realize--I was so weak," +she panted. + +"Tell me your room," said Belle, "and I'll come back and help you." + +"It's the--last one--back--top floor. I've given out." + +Belle left her sitting on the stairs and soon reached the door, +which had been left slightly ajar for air, for the evening was +sultry. She pushed it open with her foot, since her hands were so +full, and with her eyes fixed on the articles she was carrying so +as to drop nothing, she crossed the small room to a table and put +them down before looking around. + +"There's some--mistake," said a very low, hollow voice. + +Belle was almost transfixed by eyes as black as her own, gleaming +out of cavernous sockets and from the most emaciated face she had +ever seen. It seemed as if the dead were speaking to her. At any +rate, if the woman were not dead she soon would be, and the thought +flashed through Belle's mind that she would be the cause of her +death, since she had taken her daughter's place and robbed them +of sustenance. She who had been ready to face a whole shopful of +hostile people with undaunted eyes was seized with a remorseful +panic, and ran sobbing down to Clara, crying, "Oh, do come--let +me carry you"; and this she half did in her excitement. "Give +your mother something to make her better right away. Let me help +you--tell me what to do." + +Clara went to her mother and kissed her tenderly, whispering, +"Courage, momsy, I've got something nice for you." Then she turned +and said, "You are too excited, Belle. I'll do everything, and make +the little we have go a great way. You would waste things. I know +just what to do, only give me time," and she soaked some of the +bread in the milk and began feeding her mother, who swallowed with +great difficulty. + +"I'll take no more--till--I see you--eat something," gasped the +poor woman. "Who gave you all this? Who's that?" pointing feebly +at Belle. + +"I'm the girl that took Clara's place," Belle began, with a fresh +burst of sobs. "I didn't know I was doing it, and now I'll never +forgive myself." + +Clara looked at her wonderingly as she explained: "The foreman +said you asked Mr. Schriven to make a place for you, but I don't +believe you meant that he should 'sack' me to do it. Why, you are +nothing but a great, warm-hearted child. The girls said you were +'knowing,' and could 'play as deep a game as the next one,' and +that the foreman about the same as owned it to them. It's all his +doing and his master's. They both care more for a yard of ribbon +than for a girl, body and soul." + +"Well," said Belle, with bitter emphasis, "I'll never work for them +again--never, never." + +"Don't say that," resumed Clara, after coaxing her mother to take +a little more nourishment, and then sitting down to eat something +herself. "If you are poor you must do the best you can. Now that I +know you I'd rather you had my place than any one else, for"--she +gave a swift glance at her mother's closed eyes, and then whispered +in Belle's ear--"I couldn't keep it much longer. For the last two +weeks it has seemed I'd drop on the floor where you stood to-day, and +every night I've had harder work to climb these stairs. Oh, Lord! +I wish mother and I could both stay here now till we're carried +down together feet foremost." + +"Don't talk that way," pleaded Belle, beginning to cry again. +"We'll all do for you now, and you both will get better." + +"Who's 'we all'? Would you mind telling me a little about who you +are, and how you came to get my place?" + +Belle's brief sketch of herself, her history, and how the recent +events had come about, was very simple, but strong and original, +and left no doubt in her listener's mind. + +"My gracious!" Clara cried, as the room darkened, "your folks'll +be wild about you. I've nothing to offer you but your own, and I've +kept you talking when you must have been tired and hungry, but you +are so full of life that you put a bit of life in me. It's ages +since I felt as you do, and I'll never feel so again. Now run home +with your mind at rest. You have done us more good than you have +harm, and you never meant us any harm at all." + +"Indeed I did not," cried Belle, "but I'm not through with you +yet. I'll bring Millie back with me and a lot of things," and she +darted away. + +The inmates of the two rooms at the Old Mansion were, indeed, +anxious over Belle's prolonged absence. Her father had gone to the +shop; Mrs. Wheaton, with her apron thrown over her head, was on the +sidewalk with Mildred, peering up and down through the dusk, when +the half-breathless girl appeared. + +Her story was soon told, and Mrs. Wheaton was taken into their +confidence. From trembling apprehension on Belle's behalf, kind +Mrs. Jocelyn was soon deep in sympathy for the poor woman and her +daughter, and offered to go herself and look after them, but Mildred +and Mrs. Wheaton took the matter into their own hands, and Belle, +after gulping down a hasty supper, was eager to return as guide. +Mr. Jocelyn, who had returned from the closed store on a run, had +so far recovered from his panic concerning his child that he said +he would bring a physician from the dispensary, and, taking the +number, went to do his part for those who had become "neighbors +unto them." A woman on the same floor offered to look after Mrs. +Wheaton's children for an hour or two, and the two sisters and the +stout English woman, carrying everything they could think of to +make the poor creatures comfortable, and much that they could ill +spare, started on their errand of mercy. It never occurred to them +that they were engaged in a charity or doing a good deed. They +were simply following the impulses of their hearts to help those +of whose sore need they had just learned. Mildred panted a little +under her load before she reached the top of those long, dark stairs. +"I could never get to heaven this way," muttered Belle, upon whom +the day of fatigue and excitement was beginning to tell. "It's up, +up, up, till you feel like pitching the man who built these steps +head first down 'em all. It's Belle, Clara," she said, after a brief +knock at the door; then entering, she added, "I told you I'd come +back soon with help for you." + +"I'm sorry I've nothing to make a light with," Clara answered; "the +moon has been so bright of late that we did without light, and then +I got all out of money. We either had to pay the rent or go into +the street, unless some one took us in. Besides, mother was too +sick to be moved." + +"I've brought two candles," said Mrs. Wheaton. "They're heasier +managed hon a 'ot night," and she soon had one burning on the table +and another on the mantel. "I vant to see vat's to be done," she +continued, "because I must give yer a 'arty lift him a jiffy and +be back to my children hagain." Then going to the sick woman she +took her hand and felt her pulse. "'Ow do yer find yerself, mum?" +she asked. + +"Oh, I'm much--better--I shall--get well now," the poor soul gasped, +under the strange hallucination of that disease which, although +incurable, ever promises speedy health to its victims. + +"That's a splendid; that's the way to talk," cried Belle, who had +been oppressed with the fear that the woman would die, and that +she in some sense would be to blame. "Clara, this is sister Millie +that I told you about," and that was all the introduction the two +girls ever had. + +"Vy didn't you send yer mother to a 'ospital?" Mrs. Wheaton asked, +joining the girls at the table. + +"Don't say 'hospital' so mother can hear you. The very word would +kill her now, for there's nothing on earth she dreads more than +that they'll separate us and send her to a hospital. I've sometimes +thought it would have been best, and then it seemed it would kill +her at once, she was so opposed to it. That we might keep together +and to buy her delicacies I've parted with nearly everything in +the room, as you see," and it was bare indeed. A bed from which the +element of comfort had long since departed, two rickety chairs, a +pine table, a rusty stove, and a few dishes and cooking utensils +were about all there was left. With eyes slowly dilating Mildred +took in the bleak truth, but said only a few gentle words and was +very busy. She lifted Mrs. Bute's head, while Clara gave her a +little bread soaked in wine, and then aided Mrs. Wheaton in making +the room and bed a little more like what they should be by means of +the articles they had brought. Clara wonderingly saw that her little +closet was stocked with supplies for days to come. Her mother's +preternaturally brilliant eyes followed every movement, also, with +a dumb but eager questioning. Tired Belle in the meantime had +drawn a chair to the table, and with her head resting on her arms +had dropped asleep in a moment. + +"Why should your sister work in a store if you're not poor?" Clara +asked Mildred. "You can't be poor and spare all these things." + +"Yes, we're poor, but not so poor as you are," said Mildred simply. +"Belle touched our hearts in your behalf, and we see you need a +little neighborly help." + +"Well, I was never so mistaken in any one in my life," Clara +exclaimed, looking at the sleeping girl, with a remorseful gush of +tears. "There isn't a bad streak in her." + +At this moment the door opened, and two girls, who had been Clara's +companions at the shop, appeared with a few meagre parcels. Before +asking them in she pulled them back in the hall and there were a +few moments of eager whispering. Then they all came in and looked +at Belle, and Clara stooped down and kissed her lightly, at which +the girl smiled and murmured, "Dear little mother--always brooding +over her chicks." + +"She thinks she's home," explained Mildred, with moist eyes. + +"This is her sister," said Clara, "and this lady is a friend of +theirs. I know they've robbed themselves, they've brought so much." + +"Vun's honly ter come to Hameriker ter be a lady," chuckled Mrs. +Wheaton under her breath. + +"We won't wake your sister," said one of the girls. "She's tired, +and no wonder. We haven't treated her right at the store, but we +wasn't to blame, for we didn't know her at all. Please tell her +that we'll give her a different reception to-morrow," and after +another season of whispering in the hall they departed, leaving +the simple offerings gleaned from their poverty. + +Mr. Jocelyn and the physician soon appeared, and after a brief +examination the latter called Mr. Jocelyn aside and said, "Her pulse +indicates that she may die at any hour. There is no use in trying +to do anything, for the end has come. It has probably been hastened +by lack of proper food, but it's too late now to give much, for +there is no power of assimilation." + +"You had better tell the poor girl the truth, then," said Mr. +Jocelyn. + +Clara was called, and heard the verdict with a short, convulsive +sob, then was her weary, quiet self again, "I feared it was so," +was all she said. She now became aware that Mildred stood beside +her with an encircling and sustaining arm. "Don't," she whispered; +"don't be too kind or I'll break down utterly, and I don't want to +before mother. She don't know--she never will believe she can die, +and I don't want her to know. I'll have time enough to cry after +she's gone." + +"I feel I must stay vith yer to-night," warm-hearted Mrs. Wheaton +began; "and if Miss Jocelyn vill look hafter my children I vill." + +"No, Mrs. Wheaton," said Mildred decidedly, "I'm going to stay. +You ought to be with your children. Don't tell Belle, papa, and +take the poor child home. Clara and I can now do all that can be +done. Please don't say anything against it, for I know I'm right," +she pleaded earnestly in answer to her father's look of remonstrance. + +"Very well, then, I'll return and stay with you," he said. + +The physician's eyes dwelt on Mildred's pale face in strong admiration +as he gave her a few directions. "That's right, Millie, make her +well for mercy's sake or I'll have the horrors," Belle whispered +as she kissed her sister good-night. + +Soon Clara and Mildred were alone watching the gasping, fitful +sleeper. "After all that's been done--for me--to-night I'll--surely +get well," she had murmured, and she closed her eyes without an +apparent doubt of recovery. + +Mildred furtively expiorea the now dimly lighted room. "Merciful +Heaven," she sighed, "shall we ever come to this?" Clara's eyes +were fixed on her mother's face with pathetic intensity, watching +the glimmer of that mysterious thing we call life, that flickered +more and more faintly. The difference between the wasted form, +with its feeble animation, and what it must soon become would seem +slight, but to the daughter it would be wide indeed. Love could +still answer love, even though it was by a sign, a glance, a whisper +only; but when to the poor girl it would be said of her mother, +"She's gone," dim and fading as the presence had been, manifested +chiefly by the burdens it imposed, its absence would bring the +depths of desolation and sorrow. + +Going the poor creature evidently was, and whither? The child she +was leaving knew little of what was bright and pleasant in this +world, and nothing of the next. "Miss Jocelyn," she began hesitatingly. + +"Don't call me Miss Jocelyn; I'm a working-girl like yourself." + +"Millie, then, as Belle said?" + +"Yes." + +"Millie, do you believe in a heaven?" + +"Yes." + +"What is it like?" + +"I don't know very well. It's described to us under every grand +and beautiful image the world affords. I think we'll find it what +we best need to make us happy." + +"Oh, then it would be rest for mother and me," the girl sighed +wearily. + +"It's surely rest," Mildred replied quickly, "for I remember a +place in the Bible where it says, 'There remaineth a rest for the +people of God.'" + +"That's it," said Clara with some bitterness; "it's always the people +of God. What remains for such as we, who have always been so busy +fighting the wolf that we've thought little of God or church?" + +"You've been no poorer, Clara, than Christ was all His life, and +were He on earth now as He was once, I'd bring Him here to your +room. He'd come, too, for He lived among just such people as we +are, and never once refused to help them in their troubles or their +sins." + +"Once--once," cried Clara, with a gush of tears. "Where is He now?" + +"Here with us. I know it, for we need Him. Our need is our strongest +claim--one that He never refused. I have entreated Him in your +behalf and your mother's, and do you ask Him also to put heaven at +the end of this dark and often thorny path which most of us must +tread in this world." + +"Oh, Millie, Millie, I'm ignorant as a heathen. I did have a Bible, +but I sold even that to buy wine to save mother's life. I might +better have been thinking of saving her soul. She's too sick to be +talked to now, but surely she ought to find at least a heaven of +rest. You could never understand the life she's led. She hasn't +lived--she's just been dragged through the world. She was born in +a tenement-house. The little play she ever had was on sidewalks +and in the gutters; she's scarcely ever seen the country. Almost +before she knew how to play she began to work. When she was only +seventeen a coarse, bad man married her. How it ever came about +I never could understand. I don't believe he knew anything more +of love than a pig; for he lived like one and died like one, only +he didn't die soon enough. It seems horrible that I should speak +in this way of my father, and yet why should I not, when he was a +horror to me ever since I can remember? Instead of taking care of +mother, she had to take care of him. He'd take the pittance she +had wrung from the washtub for drink, and then come back to repay +her for it with blows and curses. I guess we must have lived in +fifty tenements, for we were always behind with the rent and so +had to move here and there, wherever we could get a place to put +our heads in. Queer places some of them were, I can tell you--mere +rat-holes. They served one purpose, though--they finished off the +children. To all mother's miseries and endless work was added the +anguish of child-bearing. They were miserable, puny, fretful little +imps, that were poisoned off by the bad air in which we lived, and +our bad food--that is, when we had any--after they had made all the +trouble they could. I had the care of most of them, and my life +became a burden before I was seven years old. I used to get so +tired and faint that I was half glad when they died. At last, when +mother became so used up that she really couldn't work any more, +father did for us the one good act that I know anything about--he +went off on a big spree that finished him. Mother and I have clung +together ever since. We've often been hungry, but we've never been +separated a night. What a long night is coming now, in which the +doctor says we shall be parted!" and the poor girl crouched on the +floor where her mother could not see her should she open her eyes, +and sobbed convulsively. + +Mildred did not try to comfort her with words, but only with caresses. +Christ proved centuries ago that the sympathetic touch is healing. + +"Oh, Millie, I seem to feel the gentle stroke of your hand on my +heart as well as on my brow, and it makes the pain easier to bear. +It makes me feel as if the coarse, brutal life through which I've +come did not separate me from one so good and different as you are; +for though you may be poor, you are as much of a lady as any I've +ever waited on at the store. And then to look at your father and to +think of mine. I learned to hate men even when a child, for nearly +all I ever knew either abused me or tempted me; but, Millie, you need +not fear to touch me. I never sold myself, though I've been faint +with hunger. I'm ignorant, and my heart's been full of bitterness, +but I'm an honest girl." + +"Poor, poor Clara!" said Mildred brokenly, "my heart aches for you +as I think of all you've suffered." + +The girl sprang up, seized the candle, and held it to Mildred's +face. "My God," she whispered, "you are crying over my troubles." +Then she looked steadfastly into the tearful blue eyes and beautiful +face of her new friend for a moment, and said, "Millie, I'll believe +any faith YOU'LL teach me, for _I_ BELIEVE IN YOU." + + + + +CHAPTER XIX + +BELLE JARS THE "SYSTEM" + + +Some orthodox divines would have given Clara a version of the story +of life quite different from that which she received from Mildred. +Many divines, not orthodox, would have made the divergence much +wider. The poor girl, so bruised in spirit and broken in heart, was +not ready for a system of theology or for the doctrine of evolution; +and if any one had begun to teach the inherent nobleness and +self-correcting power of humanity, she would have shown him the +door, feeble as she was. But when Mildred assured her that if Christ +were in the city, as He had been in Capernaum, He would climb the +steep, dark stairs to her attic room and say to her, "Daughter, be +of good comfort"--when she was told that Holy Writ declared that +He was the "same yesterday, to-day, and forever"--her heart became +tender and contrite, and therefore ready for a Presence that is +still "seeking that which was lost." + +Men may create philosophies, they may turn the Gospel itself into +a cold abstraction, but the practical truth remains that the Christ +who saves, comforts, and lifts the intolerable burden of sorrow or +of sin, comes now as of old--comes as a living, loving, personal +presence, human in sympathy, divine in power. As Mildred had said, +our need and our consciousness of it form our strongest claim upon +Him and the best preparation for Him. + +Clara was proving the truth of her words. Life could never be to +her again merely a bitter, sullen struggle for bread. A great hope +was dawning, and though but a few rays yet quivered through the +darkness, they were the earnest of a fuller light. + +Before midnight Mr. Jocelyn joined the watchers, and seated himself +unobtrusively in a dusky corner of the room. Clara crouched on the +floor beside her mother, her head resting on the bed, and her hand +clasping the thin fingers of the dying woman. She insisted on +doing everything the poor creature required, which was but little, +for it seemed that life would waver out almost imperceptibly. Mildred +sat at the foot of the bed, where her father could see her pure +profile in the gloom. To his opium-kindled imagination it seemed +to have a radiance of its own, and to grow more and more luminous +until, in its beauty and light, it became like the countenance +of an accusing angel; then it began to recede until it appeared +infinitely far away. "Millie," he called, in deep apprehension. + +"What is it, papa?" she asked, springing to his side and putting +her hand on his shoulder. + +"Oh!" he said, shudderingly. "I had such a bad dream! You seemed +fading away from me, till I could no longer see your face. It was +so horribly real!" + +She came and sat beside him, and held his hand in both of hers. +"That's right," he remarked; "now my dreams will be pleasant." + +"You didn't seem to be asleep, papa," said the girl, in some +surprise; "indeed, you seemed looking at me fixedly." + +"Then I must have been asleep with my eyes open," he answered with +a trace of embarrassment. + +"Poor papa, you are tired, and it's very, very kind of you to come +and stay with me, but I wasn't afraid. Clara says it's a respectable +house, and the people, though very poor, are quiet and well behaved. +Now that you have seen that we are safe, please go home and rest," +and she coaxed until he complied, more from fear that he would +betray himself than from any other motive. + +In the deep hush that falls on even a great city before the early +life of the next day begins, Mrs. Bute opened her eyes and called, +"Clara!" + +"Right here, momsy, dear, holding your hand." + +"It's strange--I can't see you--I feel so much better, too--sort +of rested. It does--seem now--as if I--might get--a little rest. +Don't wake me--child--to give me--anything--and rest yourself." + +She smiled faintly as she closed her eyes, and very soon Clara could +never wake her again. Mildred took the head of the orphan into her +lap, and the poor girl at last sobbed herself to sleep. + +We will not attempt to follow Mildred's thoughts as she tried to +keep up through the long hours. The murmured words, "I would watch +more patiently over Vinton Arnold, did not his proud mother stand +between us," suggests the character of some of them. At last, when +she was faint from weariness, she heard steps coming up the stairs, +and her mother entered, followed by Mrs. Wheaton. + +"My dear, brave child, this is too much for you. I'd rather it had +been myself a thousand times," Mrs. Jocelyn exclaimed. + +"It's all right, mamma, but the sight of you and good Mrs. Wheaton +is more welcome than I can tell you, for I was getting very lonely +and tired." + +"I'll stay now hand tend ter heverything," said Mrs. Wheaton, with +a stout, cheery kindness that could not be disguised even in her +whisper; but Clara awoke with a start and said, "What is it, momsy?" + +Then she sprang up, and after a brief glance at her mother threw +herself with a long, low cry on the lifeless form. + +"Leave hall ter me," said Mrs. Wheaton decidedly, "hand take Miss +Jocelyn 'ome, for this'll be too much for 'er." + +"Ah, mamma dear," sobbed Mildred, "my heart would be broken indeed +if that were you." + +"Millie, if you love me, come home at once," Mrs. Jocelyn urged. +It was quite light when they gained the street, and after reaching +home Mildred was given a warm cup of tea, and left to sleep until +late in the day. While she slept, however, there occurred some +rather stirring scenes. + +Belle, too, slept rather late, but a portentous gloom came into her +eyes when told that Mrs. Bute was dead. She did not say very much, +but her young face grew older and very resolute while she hastily +ate her breakfast. Then she carried something nice to Clara, and +found that Mrs. Wheaton had left, a neighbor from the tall tenement +having taken her place. + +Belle looked at the bereaved girl with half-fearful eyes as if she +expected reproaches, and when Clara kissed her in greeting she said +"Don't" so sharply as to excite surprise. + +"Belle," said Clara gently, "mother's at rest." + +"That's more than I am," muttered the girl. "Oh, Clara, I didn't +mean to bring all this trouble on you. That man just caught me in +a trap." + +"Belle, Belle! why do you blame yourself for all this? It would +have come just the same, and probably just as soon, and if it hadn't +been for you I'd been alone, with no friends and no hope." + +"Oh, don't talk to me!" Belle cried; "your mother might have been +alive if I hadn't taken your place. I want to see her." + +Clara turned back the covering, and the young girl looked at the +dead face with a stern, frowning brow. + +"Starved!" she muttered. "I understand why they all looked so black +at me now; but why couldn't some one have told me? He shall know +the truth for once; he's more to blame than I," and she abruptly +departed. + +Very little later the foreman of the shop on Sixth Avenue was +astonished to see her passing hastily toward the private office, +regardless of the looks of surprise and interest turned toward her +on every side, for the events of the night had been very generally +whispered around. + +"Mr. Schriven's engaged," he said sharply. "What do you want? Why +are you not in your place?" + +"I am in my place, but you are not. Stand aside, for I will see +Mr. Schriven at once." + +"I tell you some one is with him." + +"I don't care if the king's with him," and darting on one side she +reached the office door, and knocked so sharply that the ireful +potentate within sprang up himself to see who the inconsiderate +intruder was. + +"Oh, it's you," he said, half inclined to laugh in spite of his +anger. "I thought I said that, if I employed you, you were not to +come to my office again unless I sent for you?" + +"I'm not in your employ." + +"Indeed! How's that?" he asked very sharply. + +"That is just what I've come to explain," was the unflinching reply. + +"By-by," remarked Mr. Schriven's visitor maliciously; "I see you +are to be interviewed." + +"Very briefly, I assure you. Good-morning. Now, miss, I give you +about one minute to transact your business with me, then the cashier +will pay you for two days' work." + +"No, sir, he will not. Do you think I'd take money stained with +blood?" + +"What do you mean? What kind of a girl are you anyway?" + +"I'm an honest girl; I believe in God and the devil--I believe in +them both too well to have anything more to do with you unless you +can prove you didn't know any more than I did. You think to frighten +me with black looks, but I've just come from a greater presence +than yours--the presence of one who'll soon be your master--Death, +and death for which you are responsible." + +"Good God! what do you mean?" + +"What did you mean by turning off without a word a poor girl--one +who for years had done her best for you? What did you mean by making +a place for me in that way? Her mother died last night--starved--and +I'd have you know that I'd have starved before I'd have taken her +place had I known what I know now. Go look at your work at the top +of a tenement-house! There's more flesh on your arm than on that +dead woman's body, and the poor girl herself hadn't eaten anything +for two days when she came here last night. She'd have died, too, +if sister Millie hadn't stayed with her last night. I hope you +didn't know any more than I did. If you did you've got to settle +with God and the devil before you're through with this kind of +business." + +The man was frightened, for he had meant no deliberate cruelty. He +was only practicing the sound political economy of obtaining the +most for the least, but in the words and stern face of the child +he saw how his act must appear to a mind unwarped by interest and +unhardened by selfish years. Moreover, he could not bluster in the +presence of death, and the thought that his greed had caused it +chilled his heart with a sudden dread. He caught at the extenuation +her words suggested, and said gravely, "You are right; I did not +know. I would send food from my own table rather than any one should +go hungry. I knew nothing about this girl, and no one has told me +of her need until this moment. A man at the head of a great business +cannot look after details. The best he can do is to manage his +business on business principles. To prove that I'm sincere, I'll +take the girl back again at her old wages, although I do not need +her." + +The man lied in giving a false impression. It was true that he did +not single out individuals as objects of intentional cruelty, but +his system was hard and remorseless, and crushed like the wheels +of Juggernaut, and he purposely shut his eyes to all questions +and consequences save those of profit and loss. When compelled to +face, through Belle's eyes, an instance of the practical outcome +of his system, he shuddered and trembled, for the moment, and was +inclined to ease his conscience by a little ostentatious kindness, +especially as the facts in the case bade fair to become known. Men +who, unlike Belle, have little fear of God or the devil, do fear +public opinion. The girl interpreted him, however, after her own +warm, guileless heart, and in strong revulsion of feeling said, +tearfully, "Please forgive me, sir, for speaking as I have. I've +done you wrong, and I acknowledge it frankly, but I was almost +beside myself. We didn't either of us mean them any harm." + +The man could not repress a smile at Belle's association of herself +with him in the guilt of the affair. In fact, he rather liked the +idea, for it made his own part seem quite venial after all--an error +of ignorance like that of the child's--so he said kindly, "Indeed, +we did not, and now we'll make amends. You go and see what is needed +and let me know, and to-morrow, if you wish, you can take your own +place and not any one's else. You are a smart, good-hearted girl, +and by and by I can give you better wages." + +"I did you wrong, sir," repeated Belle remorsefully, "and now that +you will take Clara back, I'd work for you almost for nothing. +When and where shall I come?" she added humbly; "I don't wish to +seem rude any more." + +"Come to my house this evening," and he gave her his number. + +"I beg your pardon for what I said. Good-by, sir," and with tearful +eyes and downcast face she went to the street, without a glance on +either side. + +The man sat for a few moments with a heavily contracting brow. At +last he stretched out his hand and sighed, "I'd give all there is +in this store if my heart was like that girl's, but here I am at +this hour engaged in a transaction which is the devil's own bargain, +and with a firm that can't help itself because it is in my power. +Hang it all! business is business; I'll lose a cool thousand unless +I carry it through as I've begun." He seized his pen and carried +it through. + +Belle, attended by her father, was not in the least abashed by +the elegance of Mr. Schriven's parlor, as he had rather hoped she +would be, but he was much impressed by Mr. Jocelyn's fine appearance +and courtly bearing. "No wonder the girl's course has been peculiar," +he thought. "She comes from no common stock. If I've ever seen a +Southern gentleman, her father's one, and her plump little body is +full of hot Southern blood. She's a thoroughbred, and that accounts +for her smartness and fearlessness. Where other girls would whine +and toady to your face, and be sly and catlike behind your back, +she'd look you in the eyes and say all she meant point-blank. I'm +glad indeed things are taking their present course, for these people +could make any man trouble," and he treated his guests very suavely. + +Belle soon told her story in a straightforward manner. One of her +generous projects was to have a rather grand funeral, with all the +girls in the shop attending in a procession. "What a child she is!" +thought Mr. Schriven, with difficulty repressing a laugh, but he +proceeded very gravely to induce the girl to take his own practical +view. + +"In the first place, my child," he said, "that woman died of +consumption--she didn't starve at all." + +"I think she died the sooner," Belle faltered. + +"Possibly. If so, she was the sooner out of her misery. At any rate +we are not to blame, since, as you have said, we didn't know. Now +a funeral, such as you suggest, would be very costly, and would do +no one any good. It would scarcely be in good taste, for, considering +the poor woman's circumstances, it would be ostentatious." + +"Belle, Mr. Schriven is right," said her father, in a tone of quiet +authority. + +"Let us rather consider the need of the daughter," Mr. Schriven +resumed. "You say she is worn and weak from watching and work. A +quarter of the money that a funeral would cost would give her two +or three weeks in the country. And now," he concluded impressively--his +conscience needed a little soothing, and his purse was plethoric +with the thousand dollars wrung from those who had the misfortune +to be in his power--"I will pay her board at some quiet farmhouse +for three weeks, and then she'll come back fresh and strong to her +old place." + +Belle's eyes filled with tears of gladness. "You are right, sir, +and you are very kind and generous. I know just the place for her +to go--the people we've been with all summer. They are kind, and +will do everything for her, and take away her strange feeling at +once. Oh, I'm so glad it's all ending so much better than I feared! +I thought this morning I could never be happy again, but you've +made all seem so different and hopeful. I thank you, sir, over and +over, and I'll do my best now at the store, and be respectful to +every one." + +The man was touched. The warm, reflected glow of the girl's heart +softened for a moment his own icy organ, and his eyes grew moist +momentarily. "You are a good child," he said. "Here are thirty-five +dollars for your friend, for you've been a friend to her indeed. +Most girls would have let them starve for all they cared. Now send +the girl off to the country, and as soon as I can I'll raise your +wages to five dollars. I'd do it now, only the others would talk and +say it wasn't customary to pay beginners so highly. Mr. Jocelyn, +I congratulate you on the possession of such a daughter, and I +sincerely hope you may soon retrieve your fortunes and regain the +position to which I see that you both naturally belong," and he +bowed them out with a politeness and respect that were not by any +means assumed. + +Belle almost danced home by her father's side, so great was the +rebound of her depressed feelings. Thirty-five dollars! How much +that would do for poor Clara! Millie would help her make up her +mourning, and she would have nothing to pay for but the material. +She would write to Mrs. Atwood that very night, and to Roger, +telling him he must be kind to Clara, and take her out to drive. +Her heart fairly bubbled over with plans and projects for the girl +whose "place she had taken." + +The poor child had scarcely begun her letter to Mrs. Atwood before +her head drooped, and Mildred said, "Tell me what to say, Belle, +and I'll write it all. You've done you part to-day, and done it +well." + +"That's good of you, Millie. When I get sleepy it's no use to try +to do anything. I'd go to sleep if the house was on fire. But you +won't write to Roger, I'm afraid." + +"No. If he must be written to, you must do that." + +"Well, I will to-morrow. He'll do Clara more good than all the +rest." + +Our story passes hastily over the scenes that followed. A brief +service was held over Mrs. Bute's remains by a city missionary, +known to Mrs. Wheaton, who was present with Mrs. Jocelyn, Belle, +and Mildred. Three or four neighbors from the tenement lent chairs +and came in also. The girls at the ribbon counter clubbed together +and sent an anchor of white flowers, and at the hour of the funeral +they looked grave and were quiet in manner, thus taking part +in the solemnity in the only way they could. In due time the city +department upon which the duty devolved sent the "dead wagon"; the +morsel of human clay was returned to its kindred dust in "Potter's +Field," a public cemetery on Hart's Island, in which are interred +all who die in the city and whose friends are unable to pay +for a grave or a burial plot. Clara, however, had not the pain of +seeing her mother placed in the repulsive red box furnished by the +department, for Mr. Jocelyn sent a plain but tasteful coffin, with +the woman's age and name inscribed upon it. + +Mrs. Wheaton went with the girl to the grave, and then brought her +to her own little nook in the old mansion, for Clara had said she +had no relatives she knew anything about except a few on her father's +side, and she had rather go to a station-house than to them. "Don't +talk habout station 'ouses till yer can see vat I kin do for yer," +the good woman had said in her hearty way, and she did play the +good Samaritan so well, and poured the "oil and wine" of kindness +into the poor creature's wounds so effectually, that she began to +change for the better daily. + +Mildred redeemed Belle's promise, and between them all they soon +fitted Clara for her trip to the country. By the time Mrs. Atwood's +reply reached Mildred, and Roger's hearty answer came back in response +to Belle's characteristic note, she was ready to go. "There's a +man's hand for you," cried Belle exultantly as she exhibited Roger's +bold chirography. "It's a hand that can be depended upon, strong +and ready." + +Mildred smiled as she replied, "You're welcome to it, Belle." + +"You needn't smile so placidly," she retorted, with an ominous nod. +"We are not through with Roger Atwood yet." + +Perhaps quotations from two letters written by Clara to Mildred and +Belle, and received a week later, will form a satisfactory ending +to this chapter. Clara had been taught to read and write in the +public schools of the city, and but little more. In later years +she had occasionally found opportunity to attend some of the night +schools established for those whose only leisure came after the +busy day was over, and so had learned to use her pen with tolerable +correctness. In waiting upon the educated people who frequented the +shop she had caught, with the aptness of an American girl, a very +fair power of expressing herself in speech. Writing a letter, +however, was a formidable affair, in which she had scarcely any +experience. Her missives, therefore, were very simple, and somewhat +defective in outward form, but they suggested some interesting +facts. + +"DEAR MILLIE (ran the first): I'm very sad and hapy. The Countrys +like heven. All are so kind. Even the dog dosen't grole at me, and +Mr. Roger says that's queer for he groles at everybody. I feel so +much better, I don't know myself. I feel like takin depe breths +of air all the time and I never tasted such milk. Every glass puts +life in me. If I can get work up here I'll never go back to town and +stand all day again. The girls up here have a chance to live--they +haven't any chance at all in a store. The strongest will brake down +and then they are good for nothing. I wish Belle could do something +else. I wish thousands would go in the country and do work that +would make us look like Susan. Mrs. Atwood thinks she can find +me a place with kind people, where I'll be treted almost like one +of the family. Anyway I've had enough of standing and bad air and +starving and I don't see why working in a farmhouse ain't just as +ladylike as wating on folks with the floorwalker awatchin you like +a slave driver. Standing all day is deth to most girls and about +the hardest deth they can die. I feel as if I could live to be a +hundred up here. + +"Millie, dear, I read the Bible you gave me and I pray for you and +Belle every night and morning and He answers. I know it. I love +you very much and I've good reason. Good by. CLARA BUTE." + +Her letter to Belle was more descriptive of her daily life, of the +kindness she received on every hand. One brief extract from it will +suffice: + +"I've got well acquainted with Roger," she wrote. "He's easy to +get acquainted with. Now I think of it though he says little or +nothing about himself but he leads me to talk and tell about you all +in a way that surprises me. If his interest was prying I'm sure I +wouldn't have told him anything. I know well now it isn't. Does +Millie know how he feels toward her? I saw it all last night. I +was telling him about my past life and how poor and forlorn we had +been and how I had told Millie all about it and then how Millie +had just treted me as if I were as good as she was. As I talked +he became so white I thought he'd faint. Suddenly he burst out +despairingly, 'I hoped she was proud but she isn't--I could overcome +pride. But what can I do when I'm just detested? There, I've made +a fool of myself,' he said savagelike after a moment, and he hurried +away. For the last two days he's been so quiet and looked so stern +and sad that his family don't know what to make of him, but I know +what's the matter, and I feel sorry for him, for he seems to me +more like a man than any of the young fellows I've seen in town. +Don't tell Millie for I don't want to even seem to meddle." + +But Belle had no gift of reticence, and she not only showed her +sister the letter, but overwhelmed her with reproaches for her +"heartless treatment of Roger." As a natural result Mildred was +only more irritated and prejudiced against the young man than ever. + +"You are all absurdly unreasonable," she cried. "What have I ever +done to make him turn white or red, or to 'burst out despairingly,' +and all that kind of sentimental nonsense? Because he is lackadaisical +and is experiencing strange, vague emotions, must I be afflicted in +like manner? Must I break faith with one I do love and do violence +to my own feelings, just because this farmer wants me to? You know +what's the matter with him--Clara saw at a glance--and the course +I'm taking is the only way to cure him. All his talk about friendship +is transparent folly. If I took your advice it would make him only +more and more infatuated; and now I haven't it on my conscience +that I gave him one bit of encouragement. I'm sorry for him, of +course. I shall be more sorry for his mother and sister if he is +guilty of the folly of leaving home. If, instead of doing his duty +by them, he comes mooning after me here, when he knows it is of +no use, I shall lose my respect for him utterly." There seemed so +much downright common-sense in this view of the affair that even +Belle found no words in reply. Her reason took Mildred's part, but +her warm little heart led her to shake her head ominously at her +sister, and then sleepily she sought the rest her long, tiresome +day required. + + + + +CHAPTER XX + +SEVERAL QUIET FORCES AT WORK. + + +Precipitous ascents and descents do not constitute the greater part +of life's journey. In the experience of very many they occur more +or less frequently, but they conduct to long intervals where the +way is comparatively level, although it may be flinty, rough, and +hedged with thorns. More often the upward trend or the decline of +our paths is so slight as not to be noticed as we pass on, but at +the end of years we can know well whether we are gaining or losing. + +The Jocelyns, in common with thousands of others, had made a swift +descent from a position of comparative affluence to one of real, +though not repulsive, poverty. There was nothing, however, in their +fall that cast a shadow upon them in the eyes of the world except +as the unfortunate are always "under a cloud" to the common herd +that moves together in droves only where the sunlight of prosperity +fails. If Mr. Jocelyn could regain his former position, or a better +one, there had been nothing in his brief obscurity that would +prevent his wife and daughters from stepping back into their old +social place, with all its privileges and opportunities. + +The reader knows, however, that his prospects were becoming more +and more dubious--that each day added a rivet to the chain that +an evil habit was forging. His family did not even suspect this, +although the impression was growing upon them that his health was +becoming impaired. They were beginning to accommodate themselves +to life at its present level, and the sense of its strangeness +was passing slowly away. This was especially true of Belle and the +children, upon whom the past had but a comparatively slight hold. +Mildred, from her nature and tastes, felt the change more keenly +than any of the others, and she could never forget that it raised +a most formidable barrier against her dearest hopes. Mrs. Jocelyn +also suffered greatly from the privations of her present lot, +and her delicate organization was scarcely equal to the tasks and +burdens it imposed. As far as possible she sought to perform the +domestic duties that were more suited to the stout, red arms of +those accustomed to such labors. It seemed essential that Mildred +and Belle should give their strength to supplementing their father's +small income, for a time at least, though all were living in hope +that this necessity would soon pass away. The family was American, +and Southern at that, in the idea that bread-winning was not woman's +natural province, but only one of the direful penalties of extreme +poverty. The working-woman of the South belonged to a totally different +class from that in which Mr. and Mrs. Jocelyn had their origin, and +prejudices die hard, even among people who are intelligent, and, +in most respects, admirable. To Mrs. Jocelyn and her daughters work +was infinitely preferable to dependence, but it was nevertheless +menial and undignified because of its almost involuntary and hereditary +association with a race of bond-servants. He is superficial indeed +in his estimate of character who thinks that people can change +their views and feelings in response to a brief demonstration of +the essential dignity of labor, especially after generations of +accumulating pride of caste have been giving the mind a different +bent. Moreover, this family of Southern origin had not seen in +the city of New York very much confirmation of the boasted Northern +ideas of labor. Social status depended too much on the number of +servants that people kept and the style in which they lived. Poverty +had brought them a more sudden and complete loss of recognition than +would have been possible in the South--a loss which they would not +have felt so greatly had they wealthy connections in town through +whom they might have retained, in part at least, their old relations +with people of their own station. + +As it was, they found themselves almost wholly isolated. Mrs. +Jocelyn did not regret this so much for herself, since her family +was about all the society she craved; moreover in her girlhood she +had been accustomed to rather remote plantation life, with its long +intervals of absence of society. Mr. Jocelyn's business took him +out among men even more than he relished, for his secret indulgence +predisposed to solitude and quiet. He was living most of the time +in an unreal world, and inevitable contact with his actual life +and surroundings brought him increasing distress. + +With Belle and Mildred it was different. At their age society and +recreation were as essential as air and light. Many are exceedingly +uncharitable toward working-girls because they are often found +in places of resort that are, without doubt, objectionable and +dangerous. The fact is ignored that these places are sought from +a natural and entirely wholesome desire for change and enjoyment, +which are as needful to physical and moral health as sunlight to +a plant. They forget that these normal cravings of the young in +their own families find many and safe means of gratification which +are practically denied to the tenement population. If, instead of +harsh judgments, they would provide for the poor places of cheap +and innocent resort; if, instead of sighing over innate depravity, +they would expend thought and effort in bringing sunshine into +the experiences of those whose lives are deeply shadowed by the +inevitable circumstances of their lot, they would do far more to +exemplify the spirit of Him who has done so much to fill the world +with light, flowers, and music. + +Mildred began to brood and grow morbid in her monotonous work and +seclusion; and irrepressible Belle, to whom shop life was becoming +an old, weary story, was looking around for "pastures new." Her +nature was much too forceful for anything like stagnation. The +world is full of such natures, and we cannot build a dike of "thou +shalt nots" around them; for sooner or later they will overleap the +barriers, and as likely on the wrong side as on the right. Those +who would save and bless the world can accomplish far more by making +safe channels than by building embankments, since almost as many +are ruined by undue and unwise repression as by equally unwise and +idiotic indulgence. + +If Mr. Jocelyn had been himself he might have provided much innocent +and healthful recreation for his family; but usually he was so +dreamy and stupid in the evening that he was left to doze quietly +in his chair. His family ascribed his condition to weariness and +reaction from his long strain of anxiety; and opium had already +so far produced its legitimate results that he connived at their +delusion if he did not confirm it by actual assertion. It is one +of the diabolical qualities of this habit that it soon weakens and +at last destroys all truth and honor in the soul, eating them out +with a corrosive power difficult to explain. + +For the first week or two Belle was glad to rest in the evenings +from the intolerable weariness caused by standing all day, but +the adaptability of the human frame is wonderful, and many at last +become accustomed, and, in some sense, inured to that which was +torture at first. Belle was naturally strong and vigorous, and her +compact, healthful organism endured the cruel demand made upon it +far better than the majority of her companions. Nature had endowed +her with a very large appetite for fun. For a time her employment, +with its novelty, new associations, and small excitements, +furnished this, but now her duties were fading into prosaic work, +and the child was looking around for something enlivening. Where in +the great city could she find it? Before their poverty came there +were a score of pretty homes like her own in which she could visit +schoolmates; her church and Sabbath-school ties brought her into +relation with many of her own age; and either in her own home or +in those of her friends she took part in breezy little festivities +that gave full and healthful scope to her buoyant nature. She was +not over-fastidious now, but when occasionally she went home with +some of her companions at the shop, she returned dissatisfied. The +small quarters in which the girls lived rendered little confidential +chats--so dear to girls--impossible, and she was brought at once +into close contact with strange and often repulsive people. It +seemed that the street furnished the only privacy possible, except +as she brought girls to her own abode. Her mother and sister were +very considerate in this respect, and welcomed all of her acquaintances +who appeared like good, well-meaning girls; and Mildred would either +give up her share of their little room for the time, or else take +part in their talk in such a genial way as to make the visitors at +home as far as they could be with one in whom they recognized their +superior. Their light talk and shop gossip were often exceedingly +tiresome to Mildred, but she felt that Belle needed every safeguard +within their power to furnish. And this privilege of welcoming the +best companions her circumstances permitted was of great help to +Belle, and, for a time, prevented her restless spirit from longing +for something more decided in the way of amusement. Of necessity, +however, anything so quiet could not last; but where could the girl +find pleasures more highly colored? Occasionally she would coax or +scold her father into taking her out somewhere, but this occurred +less and less frequently, for she was made to feel that his health +required absolute rest when his business permitted it. If she had +had kind brothers the case would have been greatly simplified, but +thousands of working-girls have no brothers, no male companions +save those acquaintances that it is their good or, more often, their +evil fortune to make. Without a brother, a relative, or a friend +deserving the name, how is a young girl, restricted to a boarding-house +or a tenement, to find safe recreation? Where can she go for it on +the great majority of the evenings of the year? Books and papers +offer a resource to many, and Mildred availed herself of them to +her injury. After sitting still much of the day she needed greater +activity in the evening. Belle was not fond of reading, as multitudes +on the fashionable avenues are not. The well-to-do have many other +resources--what chances had she? To assert that working-girls ought +to crave profitable reading and just the proper amount of hygienic +exercise daring their leisure, and nothing more, is to be like the +engineer who said that a river ought to have been half as wide as +it was, and then he could build a bridge across it. The problem +must be solved as it exists. + +To a certain extent this need of change and cheerful recreation +is supplied in connection with some of the mission chapels, and +the effort is good and most commendable as far as it goes; but +as yet the family had formed no church relations. Mildred, Belle, +and occasionally Mrs. Jocelyn had attended Sabbath service in the +neighborhood. They shrank, however, so morbidly from recognition +that they had no acquaintances and had formed no ties. They had +a prejudice against mission chapels, and were not yet willing to +identify themselves openly with their poor neighbors. As yet they +had incurred no hostility on this account, for their kindly ways +and friendliness to poor Clara had won the goodwill and sympathy +of all in the old mansion. But the differences between the Jocelyns +and their neighbors were too great for any real assimilation, +and thus, as we have said, they were thrown mainly on their own +resources. Mrs. Wheaton was their nearest approach to a friend, and +very helpful she was to them in many ways, especially in relieving +Mrs. Jocelyn, for a very small compensation, from her heavier tasks. +The good woman, however, felt even more truly than they that they +had too little in common for intimacy. + +There is one amusement always open to working-girls if they are +at all attractive--the street flirtation. To their honor it can be +said that comparatively few of the entire number indulge in this +dangerous pastime from an improper motive, the majority meaning no +more harm or evil than their more fortunate sisters who can enjoy +the society of young men in well-appointed parlors. In most instances +this street acquaintance, although unhedged by safe restrictions, +is by no means indiscriminate. The young men are brothers or friends +of companions, or they are employed in the same establishment, +or else reside in the neighborhood, so that usually something is +known of their characters and antecedents, and the desire to become +friendly is similar to that influencing the young people of country +neighborhoods. As a rule these young people have few opportunities +of meeting save in the streets and places of public resort. The +conditions of life in a great city, however, differ too widely from +those of a village or country town, where every one is well known +and public opinion is quick and powerful in its restraints. Social +circles are too loosely organized in a city; their members from +necessity are generally to little known to each other; there are +too many of both sexes ready to take advantage of the innocent and +unwary, and their opportunities of escape from all penalty invite +the crimes suggested by their evil natures. Belle had been often +warned, and she had so much affection for her mother and so much +pride that she did not fall readily into indiscretions; nor would +she in the future respond, without considerable self-restraint, +to the frequent advances which she never failed to recognize, +however distant she might appear, and she would not have possessed +a woman's nature had she been indifferent to admiring glances and +the overtures of those who would gladly form her acquaintance. Still +it must be admitted that her good resolutions were fast weakening +in this direction. + +Mildred's dangers were quite different from those which assailed +Belle, and yet they were very grave ones. Her mind and heart were +preoccupied. She was protected from even the desire of perilous +associations and pleasures by the delicacy and refinement of her +nature and her Christian principle. She shrank from social contact +with the ruder world by which she was now surrounded; she felt and +lived like one in exile, and her hope was to return to her native +land. In the meantime she was growing pale, languid, morbid, and, +occasionally, even irritable, from the lack of proper exercise and +change. She was not discouraged as yet, but the day of deliverance +seemed to grow more distant. Her father apparently was declining in +energy and health, and his income was very small. She worked long +hours over her fancy work, but the prices paid for it at the shops +were so small that she felt with a growing despondency it was but +a precarious means of support. Their first month in the old mansion +was drawing to a close, and they had been compelled to draw slightly +on the small sum of ready money still remaining after paying for +their summer's board. They still had a few articles in storage, +having retained them in hope of moving, at no distant time, into +more commodious quarters. + +In their desire for economy they also fell into the very common +error of buying salt fish and meat, and other articles of food that +were cheap and easily prepared rather than nutritious, and Belle +was inclined to make her lunch on pastry and cake instead of food. +In teaching them a better way Mrs. Wheaton proved herself a very +useful friend. "Vat yer vant is sumthink that makes blood an' +stands by von," she had said; "an' this 'ere salt, dry stuff an' +light baker's bread and tea and coffee don't do this hat hall. +They's good henough as relishes an' trimmins an' roundins hoff, but +they hain't got the nourishin' in 'em that vorking people vants. +Buy hoat meal an' corn meal--make good bread of yer hown. Buy +good but cheap chunks of beef an' mutton an' wegetables, an' make +stews an' meat pies an' rich soups, an' say yer prayers hagainst +hall trashy things as hain't vorth the trouble of heatin'. Heggs, +too, ven ther're plenty, hare fust-rate, an' milk is better than +so much tea an' coffee, heven if the milkman do spill it in the +brook an' pick it hout hagain before we get it. Vorkin' hon tea +an' coffee is like keepin' the 'orse hagoin' on a vip hinstead of +hoats." + +Mrs. Jocelyn and Mildred were sensible enough to take her advice, +and although Belle complained at first over the more simple and +wholesome diet, she soon felt so much the better for it that she +made no further trouble. + +As had been the case at the farmhouse, Mildred at last awakened +to the evils of a depressed and sedentary life, and felt that she +must look around for objects of interest. She began to spend more +time with Mrs. Wheaton, and found considerable amusement in her +homely common-sense. The good woman was all the more companionable +for the reason that she never presumed on a coarse familiarity +or indulged in a prying interest. Mildred also aided the Wheaton +children in their lessons, and gave more time to her own little +brother and sister, taking them out to walk in the cool of the day, +and giving much thought, while she plied her needle, to various +little expedients that would keep them content to remain away from +the street and the rude children that often made the old house +resound with boisterous sport. Mrs. Wheaton's children were in +the main well behaved, and there was much visiting back and forth +among the little people of the two families, but here the line was +drawn, and generally with very good reason. After all, perhaps, +the chief horror of tenement life to a family like the Jocelyns +consisted in the fact that just outside their door were hordes of +prowling little savages ignorant in the main of civilization, but +prematurely enlightened as to its vices. To prevent the inevitable +contamination which would result from indiscriminate association, +and to interest Fred and Minnie in their daily lessons, was +the constant effort of both Mildred and Mrs. Jocelyn. And yet, as +at the farmhouse, Mildred's conscience began to reproach her for +keeping too much aloof from the people who dwelt with her in the +old mansion. It was not necessary to make companions of them in +order to do them some good, and in aiding them to bear their burdens +she might in part forget her own. Mrs. Wheaton's hearty kindness +permeated the house like an atmosphere, and from her Mildred learned +the character and circumstances of each family quite correctly. "I +can get hon with 'em hall hexcept a hold daft German on the top +floor, oos a bit crazy hover the 'evens, but don't stand much chance +of hever gettin' hup hinto 'em. You've hoften seen 'im a-lookin' +at the stars an' things on the roof. 'E 'alf starves 'is family to +buy books an' maps an' a telescope. 'E 'ates me cos I tried to talk +religion to 'im vonce ven 'e vas sick, an' cos I told 'im 'e 'ad +no bizness to take his death a'cold on the roof o' vinter nights; +an 'ven 'e vonce gets a grudge hagainst yer 'e never lets hup." + +Mildred had already become more interested in this old man than in +any other of her neighbors except Mrs. Wheaton, but had found him +utterly unapproachable. Not infrequently she spent part of the +hot evenings on the platform built over the old hip-roof, and had +invariably seen him there on cloudless nights studying the skies +with a telescope that appeared to be by no means a toy instrument; +but he always took possession of the far end of the platform, and +was so savage when any one approached thyt even Belle was afraid of +him. His wife, for a wonder, was a slattern German, and she spoke +English very imperfectly. With her several small children she lived +in a chaotic way, keeping up a perpetual whining and fault-fnding, +half under her breath from fear of her irascible husband, that was +like a "continual dropping on a very rainy day." Every now and then, +Mrs. Wheaton said, he would suddenly emerge from his abstraction +and break out against her in a volley of harsh, guttural German +oaths that were "henough to make von's 'air riz." Therefore it very +naturally happened that Mildred had become acquainted with all the +other families before she had even spoken to Mr. or Mrs. Ulph. On +the other inmates of the mansion her influence soon began to be +felt; for almost unconsciously she exercised her rare and subtle +power of introducing a finer element into the lives of those who +were growing sordid and material. She had presented several families +with a small house-plant, and suggested that they try to develop +slips from others that she sedulously tended in her own window. In +two or three instances she aided untidy and discouraged women to +make their rooms more attractive. The fact, also, that the Jocelyns +had made their two apartments, that were little if any better than +the others, so very inviting had much weight, and there sprang up +quite an emulation among some of the simple folk in making the most +of their limited resources. + +"Instead of scolding your husbands for going out and perhaps taking +a glass too much, try and keep them home by making the living-room +homelike," she had said on several occasions to complaining wives +who had paved the way by their confidential murmurings. "Have some +extra dish that they like for supper--they will spend more if they +go out--then be a little smiling and chatty, and tell them to light +their pipes and stay with you, for you are a bit lonesome. If they +will have their mug of beer, coax them to take it here at home. Try +to put a few shillings in the savings bank every week, and talk +over little plans of saving more. If you can only make your husbands +feel that they are getting ahead a little, it will have a great +influence in steadying them and keeping them out of bad company." + +Mildred had a genius for everything relating to domestic life, and +an almost unbounded belief in good home influences. Although she +rarely talked religion directly to the people whom she was trying +to benefit--she was much too diffident and self-depreciative +for this--her regular attendance at some place of worship on the +Sabbath and her course toward poor Mrs. Bute and her daughter had +given the impression that she was a very religious girl, and that +her motives were Christian in character. People's instincts are +quick in discerning the hidden springs of action; and her influence +was all the more effective because she gave them the fruits of +faith rather than stems of exhortation or which they were required +to develop fruit of their own. Much good fruit was eventually +produced, but more through her example, her spring-like influence, +than from any formal instruction. + + + + +CHAPTER XXI + +"HE'S A MAN" + + +Mrs. Wheaton, although she had the good taste to ask few questions, +was much puzzled over the Jocelyns. Mr. Jocelyn's state of health +seemed to her very peculiar, and her shrewd, unprejudiced mind was +approaching Roger's conclusion, that he was a little "off." With an +insight common to sound, thrifty people, she saw that the outlook +for this family was dubious. She believed that the father would +become less and less of a reliance, that Mrs. Jocelyn was too +delicate to cope with a lower and grimmer phase of poverty, which +she feared they could not escape. When alone she often shook her +head in foreboding over Belle's brilliant black eyes, being aware +from long experience among the poor how dangerous are such attractions, +especially when possessed by an impulsive and unbalanced child. She +even sighed more deeply and often over Mildred, for she knew well +that more truly than any of the house-plants in the window the +young girl who cared for them was an exotic that might fade and +die in the changed and unfavorable conditions of her present and +prospective life. The little children, too, were losing the brown +and ruddy hues they had acquired on the Atwood farm, and very +naturally chafed over their many and unwonted restrictions. + +Nor did the city missionary whom she had called in to attend Mrs. +Bute's funeral illumine the Jocelyn problem for the good woman. +He was an excellent man, but lamentably deficient in tact, being +prone to exhort on the subject of religion in season, and especially +out of season, and in much the same way on all occasions. Since +the funeral he had called two or three times, and had mildly and +rather vaguely harangued Mrs. Jocelyn and Mildred. Instead of +echoing his pious platitudes with murmurs of assent and approval, +they had been very polite, and also very reticent and distant; and +Mr. Woolling--that was his name--had said in confidence to Mrs. +Wheaton that "they might be good people, but he fearing they were +not yet altogether 'in the light.' They seemed a little cold toward +the good cause, and were not inclined to talk freely of their +spiritual experiences and relations. Probably it was because they +were not altogether orthodox in their views." + +It would seem that this worthy person had taken literally the promise +of his Master, "I will make you fishers of men." for he was quite +content to be a fisher. Let us hope that occasionally, as by a +miracle, his lenient Master enabled him to catch some well-disposed +sinner; but as a rule his mannerism, his set phrases, his utter lack +of magnetism and appreciation of the various shades of character +with which he was dealing, repelled even those who respected his +motive and mission. Sensitive, sad-hearted women like Mrs. Jocelyn +and Mildred could no more open their hearts to him than to a +benevolent and impersonal board of trustees sitting around a green +baize table. That detestable class, however, who thrive on opening +their hearts and dilating on their spiritual experiences, could +talk to him, as he would say, in a "most edifying and godly manner," +and through him, in consequence, reap all the pecuniary advantages +within his power to bestow. + +It is not the blatant and plausible poor who suffer, but those +who hide their poverty and will starve rather than trade on their +faith; and too often Christian and charitable organizations prove +they are not the "children of this world" by employing agents so +lacking in fitness for the work that a commercial firm, following +a like policy, would soon compass its own failure. The Church deserves +slight progress if it fails to send its best and most gifted men +and women among the poor and vicious. Mr. Woolling was a sincere +well-meaning man, but he no more knew how to catch men with a +Christ-like magnetism and guile than how to render one of Beethoven's +symphonies; and he was so constituted that he could never learn. +It was an open question whether he did not do more harm than good; +and those who employed him might and ought to have known the fact. + +Fortunately for the Jocelyns, there were other workers in that part +of the vineyard, and Mrs. Wheaton had said to herself more than +once, "Ven my young lady comes 'ome she'll git 'old of these 'ere +people and make things better for 'em." One day, about the middle +of September, there was a light knock at the door of the large +living-room that had been made so inviting. Mildred opened it +and admitted a young woman, who appeared not very much older than +herself, and who she saw at a glance was of her own class in respect +to refinement and cultivation. Although entire strangers, the eyes +of the two girls met in woman's intuitive recognition. + +"This is Miss Jocelyn, I think," said the visitor in an accent that +to the poor girl sounded like her native tongue, so long unheard. + +"You are correct," replied Mildred, with exploring eyes and a quiet +and distant manner. "Will you please be seated," she added after +a moment, as the young lady evidently wished to enter. + +It was in the afternoon, and the room had its usual pretty order +at that hour. Fred and Minnie were seated by Mrs. Jocelyn, who +was giving them their daily lesson from an illustrated primer; and +they, with their mother, turned questioning eyes on the unexpected +guest, who won their good-will almost instantly by a sunshiny +smile. Then turning to Mildred she began, with a quiet, well-bred +ease which made her visit seem perfectly natural, "We are now +strangers, but I trust we shall not remain such very long. Indeed, +I am already sure that you can help me very much." (This asking +help instead of offering it was certainly adroit policy.) "I am a +Christian worker in this district. My name is Alice Wetheridge. I +am well acquainted with Mrs. Wheaton, and the little she has told +me about you has made me wish to know you well; and I trust you will +meet me with the spirit in which I come--that of honest friendliness +and respect. I shall be just as frank with you as you wish, and I +know you have just as much right to your feelings and views as I +have to mine. It is our plan of work to co-work cordially, asking +each one to choose her own place and kind of effort. I have been +around among some of my families in this house, and, if you will +permit me to say it, I have seen your influence, and I think it is +most Christian and womanly. You can scarcely blame me, then, if I +hope to find in you a congenial fellow-worker." + +These remarks contained no hint of poverty or inferiority, and might +have been made to Mildred in her old home. The sweet, low voice in +which they were spoken was soothing and winning, while her visitor's +gaze was direct and sincere. Mildred smiled with a little answering +friendliness as she said, "Please do not expect much from me. I +fear I shall disappoint you." + +"I shall not expect anything more than your own feelings prompt and +your own conscience can warrant. I and some friends have classes +at a mission chapel not far from here, and all I ask at first is +that you and Mrs. Jocelyn attend service at the chapel and see how +you like us and how you like our minister." + +"Is--is his name Mr. Woolling?" faltered Mildred. + +A slight, evanescent smile flitted across the visitor's face. "No," +she said, "that is not his name. Our minister has just returned +from Europe, where he has taken a well-deserved vacation. I, too, +have only come in town within the last few days, otherwise I do +not think you would have escaped us so long," she concluded, with +a bright smile, but after a moment she added earnestly, "Please do +not think that we shall try to force upon you associations that may +not be pleasant. We only ask that you come and judge for yourselves." + +"What you ask is certainly reasonable," said Mildred thoughtfully, +and with an inquiring glance at her mother. + +"I agree with you, Millie," her mother added with gentle emphasis, +for she had been observing their visitor closely; "and I think we +both appreciate Miss Wetheridge's motive in calling upon us, and +can respond in like spirit." + +"I thank you," was the cordial reply. "On this card is written my +address and where to find our chapel, the hours of service, etc. +Please ask for me next Sabbath afternoon, and I will sit you, so +you won't feel strange, you know. After the service is over we will +remain a few moments, and I will introduce you to our minister. +As I said at first, if you don't like us or our ways you must not +feel in the least trammelled. However that may be, I trust you will +let me come and see you sometimes. It was my duty to call upon you +because you were in my district; but now it will be a pleasure to +which I hope you will let me look forward." + +"You will be welcome," said Mildred smilingly. "I can at least +promise so much." + +Miss Wetheridge had slipped off her glove while talking, and in +parting she gave a warm, friendly palm to those she wished to win. +She had intended only a smiling leave-taking of the children, but +they looked so pretty, and were regarding her with such an expression +of shy, pleased interest, that she acted on her impulse and kissed +them both. "I don't often meet such kissable children," she said, +with a bright flush, "and I couldn't resist the temptation." + +The room seemed lighter the rest of the day for her visit. If she +had kissed the children out of policy Mrs. Jocelyn would have been +resentfully aware of the fact; but they were "kissable" children, +and no one knew it better than the fond mother, who was won completely +by the spontaneity of the act. + +"Millie, I think I'd go to her church, even if Mr. Woolling were +the minister," she said, with her sweet laugh. + +"Soft-hearted little mother!" cried Mildred gayly; "if people only +knew it, you have one very vulnerable side. That was a master-stroke +on the part of Miss Wetheridge." + +"She didn't mean it as such, and if some good people had kissed +the children I'd have washed their faces as soon as they had gone. +The visit has done YOU good, too, Millie." + +"Well, I admit it has. It was nice to see and hear one of our own +people, and to feel that we were not separated by an impassable +gulf. To tell the truth, I feel the need of something outside of +this old house. I am beginning to mope and brood. I fear it will +be some time before the way opens back to our former life, and one +grows sickly if one lives too long in the shade. I COULD work with +such a girl as that, for she wouldn't humiliate me. See, her card +shows that she lives on Fifth Avenue. If SHE can work in a mission +chapel, I can, especially since she is willing to touch me with +her glove off," she concluded, with a significant smile. + +As the evening grew shadowy Mildred took the children out for their +walk, and, prompted by considerable curiosity, she led the way to +Fifth Avenue, and passed the door on which was inscribed the number +printed on Miss Wetheridge's card. The mansion was as stately and +gave as much evidence of wealth as Mrs. Arnold's home. At this +moment a handsome carriage drew up to the sidewalk, and Mildred, +turning, blushed vividly as she met the eyes of her new acquaintance, +who, accompanied by a fashionably-attired young man, had evidently +been out to drive. Mildred felt that she had no right to claim +recognition, for a young woman making mission calls in her "district" +and the same young lady on Fifth Avenue with her finance, very +probably, might be, and often are, two very distinct persons. The +girl was about to pass on with downcast eyes and a hot face, feeling +that her curiosity had been well punished. But she had not taken +three steps before a pleasant voice said at her side, "Miss Jocelyn, +what have I done that you won't speak to me? This is my home, and +I hope you will come and see me some time." + +Mildred looked at the speaker searchingly for a moment, and then +said, in a low tone and with tearful eyes, "May you never exchange +a home like this, Miss Wetheridge, for one like mine." + +"Should it be my fortune to do so--and why may it not?--I hope I +may accept of my lot with your courage, Miss Jocelyn, and give to +my humbler home the same impress of womanly refinement that you +have imparted to yours. Believe me, I respected you and your mother +thoroughly the moment I crossed your threshold." + +"I will do whatever you wish me to do," was her relevant, although +seemingly irrelevant, reply. + +"That's a very big promise," said Miss Wetheridge vivaciously; "we +will shake hands to bind the compact," and her attendant raised +his hat as politely as he would to any of his companion's friends. + +Mildred went home with the feeling that the leaden monotony of +her life was broken. The hand of genuine Christian sympathy, not +charity or patronage, had been reached across the chasm of her +poverty, and by it she justly hoped that she might be led into +new relations that would bring light and color into her shadowed +experience. + +With her mother and Belle she went to the chapel on the following +Sunday afternoon, and found her new friend on the watch for them. +The building was plain but substantial, and the audience-room large +and cheerful looking. Mr. Woolling was, in truth, not the type of +the tall, rugged-featured man who sat on the platform pulpit, and +Mildred, at first, was not prepossessed in his favor, but as he +rose and began to speak she felt the magnetism of a large heart +and brain; and when he began to preach she found herself yielding +to the power of manly Christian thought, expressed in honest Saxon +words devoid of any trace of affectation, scholasticism, and set +phraseology. He spoke as any sensible, practical man would speak +concerning a subject in which he believed thoroughly and was +deeply interested, and he never once gave the impression that he +was "delivering a sermon" which was foreordained to be delivered at +that hour. It was a message rather than a sermon, a sincere effort +to make the people understand just what God wished them to know +concerning the truth under consideration, and especially what they +were to do in view of it. The young girl soon reached the conclusion +that the religion taught in this chapel was not something fashioned +to suit the world, but a controlling principle that brought the +rich and poor together in their obedience to Him whose perfect +life will ever be the law of the Christian Church. The attention +of even mercurial Belle was obtained and held, and at the close of +the address she whispered, "Millie, that man talks right to one, +and not fifty miles over your head. I'll come here every Sunday if +you will." + +After the benediction the Rev. Mr. Wentworth came down from the +pulpit--not in a bustling, favor-currying style, but with a grave, +kindly manner--to speak to those who wished to see him. When he at +last reached Mildred, she felt him looking at her in a way that +proved he was not scattering his friendly words as a handful of coin +is thrown promiscuously to the poor. He was giving thought to her +character and need; he was exercising his invaluable but lamentably +rare gift of tact in judging how he should address these "new +people" of whom Miss Wetheridge had spoken. His words were few and +simple, but he made Mrs. Jocelyn and Mildred feel that his interest +in them was not official, but genuine, Christian, and appreciative. +Belle very naturally shrank into the background. Her acquaintance +with clergymen was not extensive, nor would it, I fear, ever have +been increased by any efforts of her own; therefore it was with some +trepidation that she saw Mr. Wentworth giving her an occasional +side glance while talking to her mother. She was about to bow very +formally when introduced, but a smile broke over the man's rugged +features like a glow of sunshine, as he held out his hand and said, +"Miss Belle, I know you and I would be good friends if we had a +chance." + +The girl's impulsive nature responded as if touched by an electric +spark, and with her usual directness the words in her mind were +spoken. "I like you already," she said. + +"The liking is mutual then," was Mr. Wentworth's laughing reply; +"I'm coming to see you." + +"But, sir," stammered the honest child, "I'm not good like my +sister." + +The clergyman now laughed heartily. "All the more reason I should +come," he said. + +"Well, then, please come in the evening, for I wouldn't miss your +visit for the world." + +"I certainly shall," and he named an evening early in the week; "and +now," he resumed, "my friend Miss Wetheridge here has informed me +of the conditions on which you have visited our chapel. We propose +to carry them out in good faith, and not put any constraint upon +you beyond a cordial invitation to cast your lot with us. It's a +great thing to have a church home. You need not feel that you must +decide at once, but come again and again, and perhaps by and by +you will have a home feeling here." + +"I'm coming whether the rest do or not," Belle remarked emphatically, +and Mr. Wentworth gave her a humorous look which completed the +conquest of her heart. + +"Miss Wetheridge knows that my decision was already made," said +Mildred quietly, with an intelligent glance toward her friend; "and +if there is any very, very simple work that I can do, I shall feel +it a privilege to do the best I can." + +She never forgot his responsive look of honest friendliness as he +answered, "The simplest work you do in that spirit will be blessed. +Miss Wetheridge, I hope you will soon find some more people like +Mrs. Jocelyn and her daughters. Good-by now for a short time," +and a moment later Mildred saw him talking just as kindly, but +differently, to a very shabby-looking man. + +Mr. Wentworth was also a "fisher of men," but he fished intelligently, +and caught them. + +Belle could hardly wait until she was in the street before exclaiming, +"He isn't a bit like our old minister. Why--why--he's a man." + + + + +CHAPTER XXII + +SKILLED LABOR + + +Miss Wetheridge's visit bade fair to occasion important changes +for the better in Mildred's prospects. From Mrs. Wheaton the young +lady had learned of her protegee's long hours of ill-repaid toil. +She was eager to gain Mildred's confidence to an extent that would +warrant some good advice, and after another call early in the week +she induced the girl to come and see her and to open her heart +fully in the privacy thus secured. Of course there was one secret +jealously guarded, and the reader can well understand that Vinton +Arnold's name was not mentioned, and the disagreeable episode of +Roger Atwood was not deemed worth speaking of. He was now but a +fast-fading memory, for even Belle rarely recalled him. + +That the Jocelyns did not belong to the ordinary ranks of the poor, +and that Mildred was not a commonplace girl, was apparent to Miss +Wetheridge from the first; and it was her design to persuade her +friend to abandon the overcrowded and ill-paid divisions of labor +for something more in accordance with her cultivation and ability. +Mildred soon proved that her education was too general and superficial +to admit of teaching except in the primary departments, and as +the schools were now in session it might be many months before any +opening would occur. With a mingled sigh and laugh she said, "The +one thing I know how to do I shall probably never do--I could make +a home, and I could be perfectly happy in taking care of it." + +"Pardon me!" cried Miss Wetheridge roguishly, "that seems to me your +inevitable fate, sooner or later. We are only counselling together +how best to fill up the interval. My friend almost made me jealous +by the way he talked about you the other evening." + +A faint color stole into Mildred's face. "All that's past, I fear," +she said with low, sad emphasis, "and I would never marry merely +for the sake of a home. My future is that of a working-woman unless +papa can regain his former means. Even then I should not like to +live an idle life. So the question is, What kind of work shall I +do? How can I do the most for the family, for I am troubled about +papa's health, and mamma is not strong." + +Her warm-hearted friend's eyes grew moist as she looked intently +and understandingly into the clouded and beautiful face. In one of +her pretty impulses that often broke through her polite restraint +she exclaimed, "Millie, you are a true woman. Please pardon my +familiarity, but I can't tell you how much you interest me, how I +respect you, and--and--how much I like you." + +"Nor can I tell you," responded Mildred earnestly, "how much hope +and comfort you have already brought me." + +"Come," said Miss Wetheridge cheerily, "we will go down to the +rooms of the Young Women's Christian Association at once. We may +get light there. The thing for you to do is to master thoroughly +one or more of the higher forms of labor that are as yet uncrowded. +That is what I would do." + +While she was preparing for the street she observed Mildred's +eyes resting wistfully on an upright piano that formed part of the +beautiful furniture of her private sanctum. "You are recognizing +an old friend and would like to renew your acquaintance," she said +smilingly. "Won't you play while I am changing my dress?" + +"Perhaps I can best thank you in that way," answered Mildred, +availing herself of the permission with a pleasure she could not +disguise. "I admit that the loss of my piano has been one of my +greatest deprivations." + +Miss Wetheridge's sleeping-apartment opened into her sitting-room, +and, with the door open, it was the same as if they were still +together. The promise of thanks was well kept as the exquisite +notes of Mendelssohn's "Hope" and "Consolation" filled the rooms +with music that is as simple and enduring as the genuine feeling +of a good heart. + +"I now understand how truly you lost a friend and companion in your +piano," said Miss Wetheridge, "and I want you to come over here +and play whenever you feel like it, whether I am at home or not." + +Mildred smiled, but made no reply. She could accept kindness and +help from one who gave them as did Miss Wetheridge, but she was +too proud and sensitive to enter upon an intimacy that must of +necessity be so one-sided in its favors and advantages, and she +instinctively felt that such wide differences in condition would +lead to mutual embarrassments that her enthusiastic friend could +not foresee. It was becoming her fixed resolve to accept her lot, +with all that it involved, and no amount of encouragement could +induce her to renew associations that could be enjoyed now only +through a certain phase of charity, however the fact might be +disguised. But she would rather reveal her purpose by the retiring +and even tenor of her way than by any explanations of her feelings. +Thus it came about in the future that Miss Wetheridge made three +calls, at least, to one that she received, and that in spite of +all she could do Mildred shrank from often meeting other members of +her family. But this sturdy self-respect on the part of the young +girl--this resolute purpose not to enter a social circle where she +would at least fear patronage and surprise at her presence--increased +her friend's respect in the secrecy of her heart. + +Mildred at once became a member of the Young Women's Association, +and its library and reading-room promised to become a continued +means of pleasure and help. From among the several phases of skilled +labor taught under the auspices of the Association, she decided to +choose the highest--that of stenography--if her father thought he +could support the family without much help for a few months. She +was already very rapid and correct in her penmanship, and if she +could become expert in taking shorthand notes she was assured that +she could find abundant and highly remunerative scope for her skill, +and under circumstances, too, that would not involve unpleasant +publicity. She thought very favorably, also, of the suggestion +that she should join the bookkeeping class. With her fine mental +capacity and previous education Miss Wetheridge believed that +Mildred could so far master these two arts as to be sure of an +independence, and her kind friend proposed to use no little influence +in finding opportunities for their exercise. + +Mildred, naturally, lost no time in explaining her projects to her +father, and it so happened that she spoke at a moment of peculiar +exhilaration on his part. "If it would give you pleasure," he said, +"to learn these two accomplishments, you may do so, of course, but +I foresee no probability of your ever putting them to use. I now +have prospects," etc., etc. Soon after, he was in a deep sleep. +She looked at him with troubled eyes, and promptly entered on her +studies the following day, working with the assiduity of one who +feels that the knowledge may be needed before it can be acquired. + +Belle was in quite a flutter of excitement on the evening named for +Mr. Wentworth's visit, and the genial clergyman would have laughed +again could he have heard one of her reasons for welcoming him. +"He is so deliciously homely," she said, "I like to look at him." +He came at the hour appointed, and his visit was truly a "spiritual" +one, if enlivened spirits, more hopeful hearts, and a richer +belief in their Divine Father's goodwill toward them all were the +legitimate result of a spiritual visit. Mr. Jocelyn, in expectancy +of the guest, had carefully prepared himself in guilty secrecy, and +appeared unusually well, but he was the only one who sighed deeply +after the good man's departure. Rising from the depths of his +soul through his false exhilaration was a low, threatening voice, +saying, "That man is true; you are a sham, and your hollowness will +become known." + +Indeed, Mr. Wentworth went away with a vague impression that there +was something unreal or unsound about Mr. Jocelyn, and he began +to share Mrs. Wheaton's painful forebodings for the family. Belle +enjoyed the visit greatly, for the minister was an apostle of a +very sunny gospel, and she was then ready for no other. Moreover, +the healthful, unwarped man delighted in the girl's frolicsome +youth, and no more tried to repress her vivacity than he would the +bubble and sparkle of a spring. Indeed he was sensible enough to +know that, as the spring keeps pure by flowing and sparkling into +the light, so her nature would stand a far better chance of remaining +untainted if given abundant yet innocent scope. His genial words +had weight with her, but her quick intuition of his sympathy, +his sense of humor, which was as genuine as her own, had far more +weight, and their eyes rarely met without responsive smiles. There +was nothing trivial, however, in their interplay of mirthfulness--nothing +that would prevent the child from coming to him should her heart +become burdened with sin or sorrow. She was assigned to Miss +Wetheridge's class, and soon became warmly attached to her teacher. +Mildred, to her great surprise, was asked to take a class of +rude-looking, half-grown boys. In answer to her look of dismay, +Mr. Wentworth only said smilingly, "Try it; trust my judgment; you +can do more with those boys than I can." + +"Were it not for my promise to Miss Wetheridge, I shouldn't even +dare think of such a thing," she replied; "but I now feel bound to +attempt it, although I hope you will soon give me some very, very +little girls." + +"In complying you show a high sense of honor, Miss Jocelyn. I +will relieve you after a time, if you wish me to," and the student +of human nature walked away with a peculiar smile. "When I was +a harum-scarum boy," he muttered, "a girl with such a face could +almost make me worship her. I don't believe boys have changed." + +She was shrewd enough not to let the class see that she was afraid; +and being only boys, they saw merely what was apparent--that they +had the prettiest teacher in the room. Her beauty and refinement +impressed them vaguely, yet powerfully; the incipient man within +them yielded its involuntary homage, and she appealed to their +masculine traits as only a woman of tact can, making them feel that +it would be not only wrong but ungallant and unmannerly to take +advantage of her. They all speedily succumbed except one, whose +rude home associations and incorrigible disposition rendered futile +her appeals. After two or three Sabbaths the other boys became so +incensed that he should disgrace the class that after school they +lured him into an alleyway and were administering a well-deserved +castigation, when Mildred, who was passing, rescued him. His fear +induced him to yield to her invitation to accompany her home; and +her kindness, to which he knew he was not entitled, combined with +the wholesome effect of the pummelling received from the boys, led +him to unite in making the class--once known as "the Incorrigibles"--the +best behaved in the school. + +Everything apparently now promised well for the Jocelyns. Their +mistaken policy of seclusion and shrinking from contact with the +world during their impoverishment had given way to kindly Christian +influences, and they were forming the best associations their lot +permitted. All might have gone to their ultimate advantage had it +not been for the hidden element of weakness so well known to the +reader, but as yet unsuspected by the family. + +If Mr. Jocelyn had been able to put forth the efforts of a sound +and rational man, he could, with the aid of his daughters, even in +those times of depression, have passed safely through the trials +of sudden poverty, and eventually--having learned wisdom from the +past experience--he could have regained a better and more stable +financial position than the one lost. Thus far he had been able to +maintain considerable self-control, and by daily experience knew +just about how much morphia he could take without betraying himself. +His family had become accustomed to its effects, and ascribed them +to the peculiar state of his health. Loving eyes are often the most +blind, and that which is seen daily ceases to seem strange. Beyond +their natural solicitude over his failing appetite, his unwholesome +complexion, and his loss of flesh, they had no misgivings. His +decline was so very gradual that there was nothing to startle them. +Every day they hoped to see a change for the better, and sought +to bring it about by preparing such dainty dishes as were within +their means to catch his capricious appetite, and by keeping all +their little perplexities and worriments to themselves, so that +he might have unbroken rest when free from business. He recognized +their unselfish and considerate devotion, and it added to the +horrible depression into which he sank more and more deeply the +moment he passed from under the influence of the fatal drug. He +was living over an abyss, and that which kept him from its depths +was deepening and widening it daily. He still had the vague hope +that at some time and in some way he could escape; but days and +weeks were passing, bringing no change for the better, no honest, +patient effort to regain the solid ground of safety. He was drifting +down, and when at times he became conscious of the truth, a larger +dose of morphia was his one method of benumbing the terror that +seemed groping for his heart with a death-cold hand. + +Mildred soon began to make rapid progress in her studies, and grew +hopeful over the fact. If her father would give her the chance +she could make a place for herself among skilled workers within a +year, and be able, if there were need, to provide for the entire +family. Great and prolonged destitution rarely occurs, even in +a crowded city, unless there is much sickness or some destructive +vice. Wise economy, patient and well-directed effort, as a rule, +secure comfort and independence, if not affluence; but continued +illness, disaster, and especially sin, often bring with them a +train of evils difficult to describe. + +Mildred found time between her lessons to aid her mother and also +to do a little fancy work, for which, through the aid of Miss +Wetheridge, she found private customers who were willing to pay +its worth. + +Thus the month of October was passing rapidly and rather hopefully +away. They received letters from Clara Bute occasionally, wherein +she expressed herself well content with the country and the situation +Mrs. Atwood had obtained for her. "I'm getting as plump and rosy +as Susan," she wrote, "and I'm not coming back to town. Going +up and down those tenement stairs tired me more than all the work +I do here. Still, I work hard, I can tell you; but it's all sorts +of work, with plenty of good air and good food to do it on. I'm +treated better than I ever was before--just like one of the family, +and there's a young farmer who takes me out to ride sometimes, and +he acts and talks like a man." + +Whether this attentive friend were Roger or a new acquaintance she +did not say. For some reason a reticence in regard to the former +characterized her letters. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII + +THE OLD ASTRONOMER + + +One Saturday night Mildred was awakened from time to time by the +wailing of a child. The sounds came from the rooms of the Ulphs, +which were directly overhead, and by morning she was convinced that +there was a case of serious illness in the German family. Led by +her sympathies, and also by the hope of thawing the reserve of the +eccentric old astronomer, she resolved to go and ask if she could +be of any help. + +In response to her light knock a shock-headed, unkempt boy opened +the door and revealed a state of chaos that might well have driven +mad any student of the heavenly bodies with their orderly ways. +There seemed to be one place for everything--the middle of the +floor--and about everything was in this one place. In the midst +of a desolation anything but picturesque, Mrs. Ulph sat before the +fire with a little moaning baby upon her lap. + +"I heard your child crying in the night," said Mildred gently, "and +as we are neighbors I thought I would come up and see if I could +help you." + +The woman stared a moment and then asked, "You Miss Schoslin?" + +"Yes, and I hope you will let me do something, for I fear you've +been up all night and must be very tired." + +"I'm shust dead; not von vink of schleep haf I had all der night. +He shust cry und cry, and vat I do I don't know. I fear he die. Der +fader gone for der doctor, but he die 'fore dey gets here. Schee, +he getten gold now." + +Truly enough, the child's extremities were growing chill indeed, +and the peculiar pinched look and ashen color which is so often +the precursor of death was apparent. + +"Let me call my mother," cried Mildred, in much alarm. "She knows +about children." + +Mrs. Jocelyn soon became convinced from the mother's account that +the child's disease was cholera infantum, and some previous experience +with her own children taught her just what to do. Before very long +the little one gave evidence of a change for the better. After the +crisis of danger was past, and while her mother and Mrs. Ulph were +working over the infant, Mildred began quietly to put the room into +something like order, and to dress the other children that were in +various transition stages between rags and nakedness. As the German +woman emerged from a semi-paralyzed condition of alarm over her +child she began to talk and complain as usual. + +"It vas von shudgment on der fader," she said querulously. "He care +more for der schpots on der sun dan for his schilder. For der last +veek it's all peen schpots on der sun, notting put schpots. Vat +goot dey do us? Dare's peen light to vork py, put efry minit he +schtop vork to run to der roof und see dem schpots vot he says on +der sun. He says dere ish--vat you call him--pig virl-a-rounds up +dere dat vould plow all der beoples off der earth in von vink, und +ven I tells him dat he ish von pig virl-a-round himself, runnin' +und runnin', und lettin' der vork schstand, den von of der schpots +come outen on him und I dink he plow my hed offen." + +By and by she began again: "If it ish not schpots it ish someding +else. Von year he feel vorse dan if I die pegose vat you call +a gomet did not gome ven he said it vould gome. He near look his +eyes outen for it, und he go efry morning 'fore preakfast for der +bapers to get vord of dat gomet. I dought we all schtarve 'fore +he got done mit dot gomet, and ven he give oup all hope of him, he +feel vorse dan he vould if dis schild die. He vas so pad to me as +if I eat der gomet oup, and we had not mooch else to eat till he +sure der gomet gone to der duyvil. It might haf been vorse if der +gomet come; vat he done den der goot Lord only know--he go off mit +it if he gould. He tink notting of sittin' oup mit a gomet, put he +get der schpots on him ven I ask to nurse der schild in der night." + +Mrs. Jocelyn and Mildred paid little attention to her plaints; and +the former, having done what she could, returned to her own family +cares. Mildred took the little sick boy in her arms, saying that +she would hold him while Mrs. Ulph prepared breakfast. + +It was at this stage of affairs that the door opened, and the +pinched and grizzled visage of Mr. Ulph appeared, followed by the +burly form of a German physician whom he had insisted on finding. +The former stopped short and stared at Mildred, in grim hesitation +whether he should resent an intrusion or acknowledge a kindness. +His wife explained rapidly in German, with a deferential manner, +but in a sub-acidulous tone. + +"I do not wish to intrude, but only to help as a neighbor should," +Mildred began, during a lull between Mrs. Ulph's shrill notes. +"I fear your little boy was very ill when I first came--indeed +my mother thought he was dying. She knows, I think, for my little +brother nearly died of an attack like this." + +Beyond her explanation of Mildred's presence he seemingly had given +no heed to his wife's words, but now he started and exclaimed, +"Mein Gott! Vat you say? Die?" and he turned with intense anxiety +to the doctor, who without ceremony began to investigate the case, +asking the mother questions and receiving answers that Mildred +did not understand. The woman evidently claimed all the credit she +deserved for her care of the patient in the night, and suggested +that Mr. Ulph had been very oblivious until the child seemed +sinking, for the old man grew excessively impatient during the +interrogations. As if unconscious of Mildred's ignorance of their +language, he said earnestly to her, "I did not know--I vould gif +my life for der schild--der boor leedle poy--I no dink dat he vas +so sick," and his eager words and manner convinced Mildred that +his wife misrepresented him, and that his interest in the mystery +of the comet's fate would be slight compared with that which centred +in his son. + +The phlegmatic physician continued his investigations with true +German thoroughness and deliberation. It was well that the child's +worst symptoms had been relieved before he came, for he seemed bent +on having the whole history of the case down to the latest moment +before he extended his heavy hand to the aid of nature, and +he questioned Mildred as minutely as he had Mrs. Ulph, while she, +unlike the former, did not take any credit to herself. + +If the doctor was a little slow, he was sure, for he said something +emphatically to the father, who in turn seized Mildred's hand, +exclaiming, with explosive energy, "Gott pless you! Gott pless +you!" + +"But it was mamma who did everything," protested the young girl. + +"Yah, I know, I know; put who prought mamma? Who listen ven der +boor leetle poy gry in der night? Who gome in der morning? Mine +paby vould haf been ded if you haf not gome. Gott pless you; Gott +pless your moder. I vant to dank her mooch." + +The grateful father had called down God's blessings so lavishly +that Mildred very naturally said, "You have more reason to thank +God than any one else, Mr. Ulph, for no doubt it was His blessing +on our efforts that has made your child better. The disease is such +a dangerous one that the best human skill is often in vain." + +The physician shrugged his shoulders and looked significantly at +Mr. Ulph, whose visage wrinkled into an odd grimace. + +"You may dink vat you please and say vat you please, Miss Schoslin. +Men dink different off dese dinks vrom vomans. I haf a vay off saying +Gott pless beoples ven I feels goot dowards 'em, put I means 'em +no harm. Vat you American beoples somedimes say--dank my schtars? +Dat will do shust so vell for me. It vas dis vay: der schild vas +seek; you und your moder gome, und you make gauses und dere are der +evvects. I perlieve in gause und evvect, und you vas a very goot +gause." + +"We certainly should be very poor neighbors had we not come and +done all we could, and with your permission mother and I will help +your wife to-day so she can get some rest." + +"I dank you vrom mine heart. You make me dink off der heafenly +podies--you make order put no noise. I vill do for you vatefer you +vish und pe honest." + +Mildred now believed that she had gained the key to the old German's +character, and such a hold upon his feelings that he would eventually +permit her to become his companion in his star-gazing on the roof. +Denied so much of the beauty she craved on the earth, she believed +that she could find in an intelligent study of the skies a pleasure +that would prove an antidote for the depressing circumstances of +her lot. She had often longed with intense curiosity to look through +his telescope, and to penetrate some of the bright mysteries that +glittered above her with such tantalizing suggestion. She was +adroit, however, and determined that the invitation should come +unsolicited from him, so that his suspicions and cynical nature +could give no sinister interpretation to her kindness. + +The physician evidently shared in Mr. Ulph's estimate of the mother +of the child, for he explained to Mildred how the remedies he left +should be used. She and Mrs. Jocelyn acted as nurse most of the +day, and the patient improved steadily. After her return from the +chapel in the afternoon, Mildred found the old German smoking his +pipe in quite a placid mood, and she skilfully led him to talk on +his favorite theme. He soon became so interested and so confidential +that he unlocked a small, closet-like room and showed her his +treasures--the telescope and other instruments, Argelander's maps, +and many books written by the most eminent authorities. + +"I haf gone mitout mine dinner many und many der day to puy dese. +Mine pody schtays in dis hole in dis old house, put mit dese vat I +gather since ven I vas young, I go to heafen every night. Hah, hah, +hah! dot Engleesh voman on der virst vloor dink she know a petter +vay off going to heafen; und she dalk her reeleegious schargou to +me, ven she know notting at all put vat der briests dell her. If +dey dell her de moon von pig green scheese she swar it ish so; put +dese dings dell der druf, und der great laws vork on for efer no +matter vat voolish beoples perlieve. It vas all law und vorce, und +it vould be von pig muddle in der heafens if it vas all vat der +briests say." + +Mildred was in a dilemma, for she felt that she could not be silent +under his outspoken scepticism, and yet if she revealed her mind +she doubted whether there would be any result except the alienation +of the man whose friendship she was bent on securing. After a +moment's hesitation she saw but one honorable course, and so said +firmly, "Mr. Ulph, I believe you are an honest man, but I want you +to think of me as an honest girl, also. If I wanted to know about +astronomy--and I do want to know very much--I would come to you. If +I wanted to know about some other things I would go to my minister. +I believe in law as truly as you do, but I believe God made the +laws--that they are simply His will. If I respect your unbelief, +you must respect my faith--that is fair; and I think you are one +who would deal fairly and do justice to all. Mrs. Wheaton knows +little of astronomy and many other things, no doubt, but she has +known how to be a very kind, good neighbor to us, and her religion +is mine." + +The old German stared at her a moment, then scratched his head as +he replied, half apologetically and half pityingly, "You vas notting +put a leedle schild, put you haf a goot heart. You vas honest, +und you schtands oop vor your vriends, und I likes dot. You may +perlieve all der vables you vish; und I vill dells you more vables +apout der schtars dat ish shust so goot und shust so old." + +"But you will tell me the truth about them, too, won't you?" pleaded +Mildred, with a smile that would have thawed a colder nature than +Mr. Ulph's. "I want to learn a wee bit of what you know. I have so +little that is bright and pretty in my life now that I just long to +catch some glimpses of what you see in the skies. Perhaps I could +help you by writing down your observations. I would ask questions +only when you said I might." + +"Veil, now, dot's a good idea. Mine eyes vas getten old, und you +vas young, put it von't last; you vas a young ding, und girls vas +vlighty and vant--vat you call him?--peaux und vrolics ven der +nights vas goot and glear." + +"Try me," said Mildred, with a little emphatic nod. + +"Veil, you don't seem likes von silly girl, und I vill dry you; put +you moost pe very schteady und batient, und but down shust vhat I +say. Von leedle schlip, und I vas all vrong in mine vigures. Von +preadth off hair down here ish oh--so vide oop dere. Und now, gome, +I tells you apout der schpots--der sun schpots," and with many odd +gesticulations and contortions of his quaint visage he described +the terrific cyclones that were sweeping over the surface of the +sun at that time, and whose corresponding perturbations in the +astronomer's mind had so exasperated his wife. She and the sick +child were now sleeping, and the other children, warned by the +threatening finger of the father, played quietly in a corner. It +was an odd place to conjure up images of whirling storms of fire so +appallingly vast that the great earth, if dropped into one of them, +would be fused instantly like a lump of ore in a blast furnace; but +the grotesque little man was so earnest, so uncouth, yet forcible, +in his suggestions as he whirled his arms around to indicate the +vast, resistless sweep of the unimaginable forces working their +wild will millions of miles away, that their truth and reality grew +painfully vivid to the young girl, and she trembled and shuddered. +The roar of the wildest storm, he told her, and the bellowing of +mountainous waves combined, would be but a murmur compared with the +far-reaching thunder of a sun hurricane as it swept along hundreds +of times faster than clouds are ever driven by an earthly tornado. +There was nothing in her nature which led her to share in his +almost fierce delight in the far-away disturbances, and he suddenly +stopped and said kindly, "Vy I vrighten you mit sooch pig gommotions? +You shust von leedle schild off a voman; und I likes you pegause +you haf prain so you see und know vat I say. You see him too mooch, +und so you dremble. Dot's goot. If you vas silly you vould giggle. +Der schpots ish a goot way offen, und vill nefer virl you away; +und next dime I dells you someding schmooth und britty." + +Mildred was glad to hasten through the gathering dusk to her own +natural and homelike abode, for the old man's strong descriptions +and vivid manner had oppressed her with a vague terror, and it was +a long time before she could escape from the spell of his words. +Indeed they followed her into her dreams, and in one of these +dreadful visions she imagined herself shot by the old astronomer +through his telescope straight into the centre of a "sun schpot." +Whom should she find there in her uncurbed imagination but Roger +Atwood? He seemed to be standing still, and he coolly remarked +that "a man had no business to be whirled about by any force in +the universe." She, however, was carried millions of miles away--a +fact she did not so much regret, even in her dream, since he was +left behind. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV + +ROGER REAPPEARS + + +Roger Atwood had entered Mildred's mind as a part of a grotesque +dream, but he had no place in her waking thoughts. With Vinton +Arnold, however, it was very different, and scarcely an hour passed +that she was not wondering where he was, and again questioning his +prolonged silence. Often her heart beat quick as she imagined she +caught a glimpse of him in the street; and it must be admitted +that she looked for him constantly, although she took pains never +to pass his residence. Could he be ill, or was he patiently waiting +like herself, secure in her good faith? She longed to see him, +even though unseen herself, and one Sunday early in November she +yielded to her strong desire to look upon one in reality who had +become an abiding presence in her mind. She believed that from a +certain part of the gallery in the church they both had attended +in former days she could look down upon the Arnold pew. If he were +not ill she felt quite sure he would be in his old place. + +It was almost with a sense of guilty intrusion that she crossed the +threshold of her old church-home and stole to the thinly occupied +gallery. She saw familiar faces, but shrank from recognition in +almost trembling apprehension, scarcely feeling secure behind her +thick veil. The place, once so familiar, now seemed as strange as +if it belonged to another world; and in a certain sense she felt +that it was part of a world with which she would never willingly +identify herself again. It was a place where fashion was supreme, +and not the spirit of Christ, not even the spirit of a broad, honest, +and earnest humanity. The florid architecture, the high-priced and +elegantly upholstered pews, sparsely occupied by people who never +wished to be crowded under any possible circumstances, and preferred +not to touch each other except in a rather distant and conventional +way, the elaborately ritualistic service, and the cold, superficial +religious philosophy taught, were all as far removed from the +divine Son of Mary as the tinsel scenery of a stage differs from +a natural landscape. Mildred's deep and sorrowful experience made +its unreality painfully apparent and unsatisfactory. She resolved, +however, to try to give the sacred words that would be uttered +their true meaning; and, in fact, her sincere devotion was like a +simple flower blooming by the edge of a glacier. She felt that the +human love she brought there and sought to gratify was pure and +unselfish, and that in no sense could it be a desecration of the +place and hour. To a nature like hers, her half-pitying love for one +so unfortunate as Vinton Arnold was almost as sacred as her faith, +and therefore she had no scruple in watching for his appearance. + +Her quest was unrewarded, however, for no one entered the pew except +Mr. Arnold and one of his daughters. The absence of Mrs. Arnold +and the invalid son filled her with forebodings and the memory of +the past; the influence of the place combined with her fears was +so depressing that by the time the service ended her tears were +falling fast behind her veil. With natural apprehension that her +emotion might be observed she looked hastily around, and, with a +start, encountered the eyes of Roger Atwood. Her tears seemed to +freeze on her cheeks, and she half shuddered in strong revulsion +of feeling. She had come to see the man she loved; after months +of patient waiting she had at last so far yielded to the cravings +of her heart as to seek but a glimpse of one who fed her dearest +earthly hope; but his place is vacant. In his stead she finds, +almost at her side, one whom she hoped never to see again; and she +knew he was offering through his dark eyes a regard loathed in +her inmost soul. She was oppressed with a sudden, superstitious +fear that she could not escape him--that he was endowed with such +a remorseless will and persistence that by some strange necessity +she might yield in spite of herself. Belle's words, "He'll win you +yet," seemed like a direful prophecy. How it could ever be fulfilled +she could not imagine; but his mere presence caused a flutter of fear, +and the consciousness that she was followed by a man pre-eminently +gifted with that subtle power before which most obstacles crumble +made her shiver with an undefined dread. + +She believed her veil had been no protection--that he had seen her +emotion and divined its cause, indeed that nothing could escape +his eyes. She also felt sure that he had come to the city to carry +out the projects which he had vaguely outlined to her, and that +henceforth she could never be sure, when away from home, that his +searching eyes were not upon her. However well-intentioned his +motive might be, to her it would be an odious system of espionage. +There was but one way in which she could resent it--by a cold and +steadily maintained indifference, and she left the church without +any sign of recognition, feeling that her lowered veil should have +taught him that she was shunning observation, and that he had no +right to watch her. She went home not only greatly depressed, but +incensed, for it was the same to her as if she had been intruded +upon at a moment of sacred privacy, and coldly scrutinized while +she was giving way to feelings that she would hide from all the +world. That he could not know this, and that it was no great breach +of delicacy for a young man to sit in the same church with a lady +of his acquaintance, and even to regard her with sympathy, she did +not consider. She was in no mood to do him justice, and circumstances +had imbued her mind with intense prejudice. She was by no means +perfect, nor above yielding to very unjust prejudices when tempted +to them by so unwelcome an interest as that entertained by Roger +Atwood. + +"What's the matter, Millie?" her mother asked, following her into +her room where Belle was writing a letter to Clara Bute. Mildred +concluded to tell all, for she feared Roger might soon appear and +occasion awkward explanations, so she said, "I felt, this morning, +like having a glimpse of our old church and life. I suppose it +was very weak and foolish and I was well punished, for toward the +end of the service I was thinking over old times, and it all very +naturally brought some tears. I looked around, and who, of all +others, should be watching me but Roger Atwood!" + +Belle sprang up and clapped her hands with a ringing laugh. "That's +capital," she cried. "Didn't I tell you, Millie, you couldn't escape +him? You might just as well give in first as last." + +"Belle," said Mildred, in strong irritation, "that kind of talk +is unpardonable. I won't endure it, and if such nonsense is to be +indulged in Roger Atwood cannot come here. I shall at least have +one refuge, and will not be persecuted in my own home." + +"Belle," added Mrs. Jocelyn gravely, "since Mildred feels as she +does, you must respect her feelings. It would be indelicate and +unwomanly to do otherwise." + +"There, Millie, I didn't mean anything," Belle said, soothingly. +"Besides I want Roger to come and see us, for he can be jolly +good company if he has a mind to; and I believe he will come this +afternoon or evening. For my sake you must all treat him well, for +I want some one to talk to once in a while--some one that mamma +will say is a 'good, well-meaning young man.' The Atwoods have all +been so kind to us that we must treat him well. It would be mean +not to do so. No doubt he's all alone in the city, too, and will +be lonely." + +"There is no need of his being in the city at all," Mildred +protested. "I've no patience with his leaving those who need him +so much. I think of them, and am sure they feel badly about it, +and likely enough are blaming me, when, if I had my way, he'd live +and die in sight of his own chimney smoke." + +"Millie, you are unreasonable," retorted Belle. "Why hasn't Roger +Atwood as good a right to seek his fortune out in the world as +other young men? Papa didn't stay on the old plantation, although +they all wanted him to. What's more, he has as good a right to like +you as you have to dislike him. I may as well say it as think it." + +It was difficult to refute Belle's hard common-sense, and her +sister could only protest, "Well, he has no right to be stealthily +watching me, nor to persecute me with unwelcome attentions." + +"Leave it all to me, Millie," said her mother gently. "I will +manage it so that Belle can have his society occasionally, and we +show our goodwill toward those who have been kind to us. At the +same time I think I can shield you from anything disagreeable. He +is pretty quick to take a hint; and you can soon show him by your +manner that you wish him well, and that is all. He'll soon get over +his half-boyish preference, or at least learn to hide it. You give +to his feelings more importance than they deserve." + +"I suppose I do," Mildred replied musingly, "but he makes upon me +the queer impression that he will never leave me alone--that I can +never wholly shake him off, and that he will appear like a ghost +when I least expect it." + +Belle smiled significantly. "There, you might as well speak plainly +as look in that way," Mildred concluded irritably. "I foresee how +it will be, but must submit and endure as best I can, I suppose." + +Belle's anticipation proved correct, for just as they were nearly +ready to start for the chapel Eoger appeared, and was a little awkward +from diffidence and doubt as to his reception. Mrs. Jocelyn's +kindness and Belle's warm greeting somewhat reassured him, and +atoned for Mildred's rather constrained politeness. While answering +the many and natural questions about those whom he had left in +Forestville, he regained his self-possession and was able to hold +his own against Belle's sallies. "You have come to the city to +stay?" she asked, point-blank. + +"Yes," he said briefly, and that was the only reference he made to +himself. + +She soon began vivaciously, "You must go with us to church and +Sunday-school. Here you are, an innocent and unprotected youth in +this great wicked city, and we must get you under good influence +at once." + +"That is my wish," he replied, looking her laughingly in the face, +"and that is why I came to see you. If you have a class and will +take me into it, I will accept all the theology you teach me." + +"Mr. Wentworth's hair would rise at the idea of my teaching theology +or anything; but I'll look after you, and if you get any fast ways +I'll make you sorry. No, I'm only a scholar. Millie has a class of +the worst boys in school, and if--" A warning glance here checked +her. + +"Well, then, can't I join your class?" + +"Oh, no, we are all girls, and you'll make us so bashful we wouldn't +dare say anything." + +"I think Mr. Atwood had better go with us to the chapel, accepting +the conditions on which we first attended," suggested Mrs. Jocelyn. +"If he is pleased, as we were, he can then act accordingly." + +"Yes, come," cried Belle, who had resumed at once her old companionable +and mirthful relations with Roger. "I'll go with you, so you won't +feel strange or afraid. I want you to understand," she continued, +as they passed down the quaint old hallway, "that we belong to +the aristocracy. Since this is the oldest house in town, we surely +should be regarded as one of the old families." + +"By what magic were you able to make so inviting a home in such a +place?" he asked. + +"Oh, that's Millie's work," she replied. + +"I might have known that," he said, and a sudden shadow crossed +his face. Quickly as it passed away, she saw it. + +"Yes," she resumed in a low, earnest tone--for she had no scruple +in fanning the flame of his love which she more than half believed +might yet be rewarded--"Millie is one of a million. She will be +our main dependence, I fear. She is so strong and sensible." + +"Is--is not Mr. Jocelyn well?" he asked apprehensively. + +"I fear he isn't well at all," she answered with some despondency. +"He is sleeping now; he always rests Sunday afternoon, and we try +to let him rest all he can. He sleeps, or rather dozes, a great +deal, and seems losing his strength and energy," and she spoke +quite frankly concerning their plans, projects, and hopes. She +believed in Roger, and knew him to be a sincere friend, and it +was her nature to be very outspoken where she had confidence. "If +Millie can learn thoroughly what she is now studying," she concluded, +"I think we can get along." + +"Yes," said Roger, in low, sad emphasis, "your sister is indeed one +of a million, and my chance of winning one friendly thought from +her also seems but one in a million. Belle, let us understand each +other from the start. I have come to the city to stay, and I intend +to succeed. I have an uncle in town who has given me a chance, +and he'll do more for me, I think. He's peculiar, but he's shrewd +and sensible, and when he is convinced that I intend to carry out +certain plans he will aid me. He is watching me now, and thinks I +am here only from a restless impulse to see the world; by and by +he will know better. He has the obstinate Atwood blood, and if he +takes a notion to give me a chance to get a first-class education, +he will see me through. I'm going to have one anyway, but of course +I'd rather be able to get it in five or six years than in eight or +ten years, as would be the case if I had to work my own way. I am +now employed in his commission store down town, but I am studying +every spare moment I can get, and he knows it, only he thinks it +won't last. But it will, and I shall at least try to be one of the +first lawyers in this city. What's more, I shall work as few young +men are willing to work or can work, for I am strong, and--well, +I have motives for work that are not usual, perhaps. You see I +am frank with you as you have been with me. You often talk like a +gay child, but I understand you well enough to know that you are +a whole-souled little woman, and thoroughly worthy of trust; and +I have told you more about myself and present plans than any one +else. Clara Bute informed me all about your courage at the store, +and I felt proud that I knew you, and don't intend that you shall +ever be ashamed of me. You may tell your mother all this if you +please, because I wish her to know just what kind of a young fellow +I am, and what are my connections and prospects. I would much like +to come and see you and go out with you now and then; and if you +and your--well, your family should ever need any service that it +was in my power to render, I should like you all to feel that I am +not altogether unfit to give it, or to be your associate." + +"You needn't talk that way," said Belle; "you are up in the world +compared with us." + +"I mean every word I say. I respect your mother as I do my own, +for I have seen her beautiful life and beautiful face for weeks and +months. I never expect to see a more perfect and genuine lady. I +am not well versed in society's ways, but I assure you I would +make every effort in my power to act as she would think a young +man ought to act. I'd rather fight a dragon than displease her." + +Tears of gratified feeling were in Belle's eyes, but she said +brusquely, "Not versed in society's ways! Account, then, for that +fashionable suit of clothes you are wearing." + +"They were not cut in Forestville," he replied dryly. + +"Roger," she said impulsively, "I'm wonderfully glad you've come +to New York to live, for I was dying for a little society and fun +that mother and Millie wouldn't disapprove of. They are so particular, +you know, that I fairly ache from trying to walk in the strait and +narrow path which is so easy for them. I want a lark. I must have +a lark before long, or I'll explode. What can we do that will +be real genuine fun? It will do you good, too, or you'll become a +dull boy with nothing but work, work, work. You needn't tell me the +world was only made to work in. If it was, I've no business here. +You must think up something spicy, and no make-believe. I want to +go somewhere where I can laugh with my whole heart. I can't go on +much longer at this old humdrum, monotonous jog, any more than your +colts up at the farm could go around like the plow-horses, and I +know it isn't right to expect it of me. And yet what has been the +case? Off early in the morning to work, standing all day till I'm +lame in body and mad in spirit--stupid owls to make us stand till +we are so out of sorts that we are ready to bite customers' heads +off instead of waiting on 'em pleasantly. When I come home, mamma +often looks tired and sad, for this life is wearing on her, and +she is worrying in secret over papa's health. Millie, too, is tired +and downhearted in spite of her trying to hide it. She won't go out +anywhere because she says there are no places where young girls +can go unattended that are within our means. I've got tired of +the other shop-girls. A few of them are nice; but more of them are +stupid or coarse, so I just sit around and mope, and go to bed early +to get through the time. If I even try to romp with the children +a little, mamma looks distressed, fearing I will disturb papa, who +of late, when he comes out of his dozing condition, is strangely +irritable. A year ago he'd romp and talk nonsense with me to my +heart's content; but that's all passed. Now is it natural for a +young girl little more than sixteen to live such a life?" + +"No, Belle, it is not, and yet I have seen enough of the city during +the week I have been here to know that your mother and sister are +right in their restrictions." + +"Well, then, it's a burning shame that in a city called Christian +a poor girl is not more safe outside of her own door than if she +were in a jungle. Do you mean to say that girls, situated as Millie +and I are, must remain cooped up in little rooms the year round +when our work is over?" + +"The street is no place for you to take recreation in after +nightfall; and where else you can go unattended I'm sure I don't +know. If there is any place, I'll find out, for I intend to study +this city from top to bottom. A lawyer is bound to know life as it +is, above all things. But you needn't worry about this question in +the abstract any more. I'll see that you have a good time occasionally. +You sister will not go with me, at least not yet--perhaps never--but +that is not my fault. I've only one favor to ask of you, Belle, and +I'll do many in return. Please never, by word, or even by look, make +my presence offensive or obtrusive to Miss Mildred. If you will be +careful I will not prove so great an affliction as she fears." + +"Roger Atwood, do you read people's thoughts?" + +"Oh, no, I only see what is to be seen, and draw my conclusions," +he said, a little sadly. + +"Well, then, if you can have the tact and delicacy to follow such +good eyesight, you may fare better than you expect," she whispered +at the chapel door. + +He turned toward her with a quick flash, but she had stepped forward +into the crowd passing through the vestibule. From that moment, +however, a ray of hope entered his heart, and in quiet resolve he +decided to conform his tactics to the hint just received. + +Mrs. Jocelyn and Mildred followed half a block away, and the former +said to her daughter: "There they go, Millie, chattering together +like two children. You surely take this affair too seriously. His +sudden and boyish infatuation with you was the most natural thing +in the world. He had never seen a girl like you before, and you +awoke him into something like manhood. Very young men are prone to +fall in love with women older than themselves, or those who seem +older, and speedily to fall out again. Martin has often said his +first flame is now a gray-headed lady, and yet he was sure at one +time he never could endure life without her. You know that I consoled +him quite successfully," and Mildred was pleased to hear the old, +sweet laugh that was becoming too rare of late. Even now it ended +in a sigh. Mr. Jocelyn was losing his resemblance to the man she +had accepted in those bright days that now seemed so long ago. + +"I hope you are right, mamma. It seems as if I ought to laugh at +the whole affair and good-naturedly show him his folly, but for +some reason I can't. He affects me very strangely. While I feel a +strong repulsion, I am beginning to fear him--to become conscious +of his intensity and the tenacity and power of his will. I didn't +understand him at first, and I don't now, but if he were an ordinary, +impulsive young fellow he would not impress me as he does." + +"Don't you think him true and good at heart?" + +"I've no reason to think him otherwise. I can't explain to you how I +feel, nor do I understand it myself. He seems the embodiment of a +certain kind of force, and I always shrank from mere force, whether +in nature or people." + +"I can tell you how it is, Millie. Quiet and gentle as you seem, you +have a tremendous will of your own, and very strong-willed people +don't get on well together." + +"Astute little mother! Well, explain it in any way that pleases +you, only keep your promise not to let him become the bane of my +life." + +"I'm not at all sure but that Belle will soon usurp your place in his +regard, nor would I object, for I am very anxious about the child. +I know that her present life seems dull to her, and the temptations of +the city to a girl with a nature like hers are legion. He can be a +very useful friend to her, and he seems to me manly and trustworthy. +I'm not often deceived in my impressions of people, and he inspires +me with confidence, and has from the first. I never saw anything +underhand in him at the farm." + +"Oh, no, he's honest enough, no doubt." + +"There, Millie," resumed her mother, laughing, "you have a woman's +reason for your feelings--you don't like him, and that is the end +of it. You must admit, however, that he has improved wonderfully. +I never saw a young fellow so changed, so thoroughly waked up. He +has sense, too, in little things. One would think from his dress +he had been born and bred in the city. They didn't palm off an +old-fashioned suit on him, if he was from the country. + +"Chant his praises to Belle, mamma, and she will greatly appreciate +this last proof of his superiority. To me he seems like his clothes--a +little too new. Still I admit that he can be of very great service +to Belle; and if he will restrict his attentions to her I will +be as polite as either of you can wish. I, too, feel a very deep +sympathy for Belle. She is little more than a child, and yet her +life is imposing upon her the monotonous work of a middle-aged +woman, and I fear the consequences. It's contrary to nature, and +no one knows it better than she. If he will help us take care of +her I shall be grateful indeed; but if he grows sentimental and +follows me as he did this morning, I could not endure it--indeed +I could not." + +"Well, Millie dear, we won't cross any bridges till we come to +them." + + + + +CHAPTER XXV + +THE DARK SHADOW OF COMING EVENTS + + +During the sermon it must be admitted that Belle's thoughts wandered +from the text and its able development by Mr. Wentworth. In fact, +she was developing a little scheme of her own, and, as the result, +whispered at the close of service, "Mamma, Roger and I are going +to take a walk in the Park. Can't I ask him home to supper? This +is his first Sunday in town, and it will be so dismal--" + +"Yes, child, go and have a good time." + +Within the next five minutes radiant Belle was an unconscious +embodiment of foreordination to Roger. He had had no idea of going +to the Park, but Belle had decreed he should go, and as he smilingly +accompanied her he certainly remained a very contented free agent. + +It was a clear, bracing afternoon and evening, wherein were blended +the characteristics of both autumn and winter, and the young people +returned with glowing cheeks and quickened pulses. + +"Oh, Millie!" cried Belle, "such a walk as I have had would make +you over new. I felt as if I were a hundred this morning, but now +I feel just about sixteen--that was my last birthday, wasn't it, +mamma?" + +Both mother and sister smiled to see her sparkling eyes and bubbling +happiness; and the latter thought, "For her sake I must certainly +either master or conceal my dislike for that young fellow." + +Indeed, she herself appeared sadly in need of a little vigorous +exercise in the frosty air. The events of the day had been exceedingly +depressing; despondency had taken the place of the irritation and +the hopes and fears that had alternated in the morning hours; but +she unselfishly tried to disguise it, and to aid her mother in +preparing an inviting supper for Belle and her guest. + +Mildred was obliged to admit to herself that Roger had very little +of the appearance and manner of an uncouth countryman. There was a +subtle, half-conscious homage for her mother in his every look and +word, and for herself a politeness almost as distant and unobtrusive +as her own. Once, when a sigh escaped her as she was busy about +the room, she looked apprehensively at him, and, as she feared, +encountered a glance from which nothing could escape. She now felt +that her assumed cheerfulness deceived him so little that, were +it not for Belle, she would wholly forego the effort, and end the +long, miserable day in her own room. + +Suddenly the thought occurred to her: "I will learn from his +microscopic eyes how papa appears to others not blinded by love +as we are; for, in spite of all my efforts to look on the bright +side, I am exceedingly ill at ease about him. I fear he is failing +faster than we think--we who see him daily. Mr. Atwood has not seen +him for months, and the least change would be apparent to him." + +Immunity from business induced Mr. Jocelyn to gratify his cravings +more unstintedly on Sunday; and as he was often exceedingly irritable +if disturbed when sleeping off the effects of an extra indulgence, +they usually left him to wake of his own accord. Unfortunately the +walls of his apartment were but curtains, and his loud breathings +made it necessary to rouse him. This Mrs. Jocelyn accomplished +with some difficulty, but did not mention the presence of Roger, +fearing that in his half-wakened condition he might make some remark +which would hurt the young man's feelings. She merely assisted him +to arrange his disordered hair and dress, and then led the way to +the supper-table he in the meantime protesting petulantly that he +wished no supper, but would rather have slept. + +As he emerged from the curtained doorway, Mildred's eyes were fastened +on Roger's face, determined that nothing in its expression should +escape her. He at the moment was in the midst of a laughing reply +to one of Belle's funny speeches, but he stopped instantly and +turned pale as his eyes rested on the visage of her father. Had +that face then changed so greatly? Had disease made such havoc +that this comparative stranger was aghast and could not conceal +the truth that he was shocked? + +It was with sharp anguish that these queries flashed through Mildred's +mind, and, with her own perceptions sharpened and quickened, she +saw that her father had indeed changed very greatly; he had grown +much thinner; his complexion had an unnatural, livid aspect; his +old serene, frank look was absent, and a noticeable contraction in +the pupils of his eyes gave an odd, sinister aspect to his expression. + +There were other changes that were even more painful to witness. In +former days he had been the embodiment of genial Southern hospitality; +but now, although he made a visible effort for self-control, his +whole body seemed one diseased irritable nerve. + +Roger almost instantly overcame his pained surprise, yet not so +quickly but that it was observed by all, and even by him who had been +the cause. "I am very sorry to learn you are not in good health," +he was indiscreet enough to say as he offered his hand in greeting. + +"From whom have you learned this?" demanded Mr. Jocelyn, looking +angrily and suspiciously around. "I assure you that you are +mistaken. I never was in better health, and I am not pleased that +any one should gossip about me." + +They sat down under a miserable constraint--Belle flushed +and indignant, Mildred no longer disguising her sadness, and poor +Mrs. Jocelyn with moist eyes making a pitiful attempt to restore +serenity so that Belle's happy day might not become clouded. Roger +tried to break the evil spell by giving his impressions of the Park +to Mrs. Jocelyn, but was interrupted by her husband, who had been +watching the young man with a perplexed, suspicious look, vainly +trying to recall the name of one whose face was familiar enough, +remarking at last very satirically, "Has it ceased to be the +style to introduce people, especially at one's own table? I might +appreciate this gentleman's conversation better if I knew his name." + +They all looked at each other in sudden dismay, for they could +not know that opium impairs memory as well as health and manhood. +"Martin," cried his wife, in a tone of sharp distress, "you ARE +ill, indeed. There is no use in trying to disguise the truth any +longer. What! don't you remember Roger Atwood, the son of the kind +friends with whom we spent the summer?" and in spite of all effort +tears blinded her eyes. + +The wretched man's instinct of self-preservation was aroused. He saw +from the looks of all about him that he was betraying himself--that +he was wholly off his balance. While vividly and painfully aware of +his danger, his enfeebled will and opium-clouded mind were impotent +to steady and sustain him or to direct his course. He had much +of the terror and all the sense of helplessness of a man who finds +himself in deep water and cannot swim. He trembled, the perspiration +started out on his brow, and his one impulse now was to be alone +with his terrible master, that had become the sole source of his +semblance of strength as well as of his real and fatal weakness. +"I--I fear I am ill," he faltered. "I'll go out and get a little +air," and he was about to leave the room almost precipitately. + +"Oh, Martin," expostulated his wife, "don't go out--at least not +alone." + +Again he lost control of himself, and said savagely, "I will. Don't +any one dare to follow me," and he almost rushed away. + +For a moment Mrs. Jocelyn tried to bear up from instinctive +politeness, but her lip quivered like that of a child; then the +tide of her feeling swept her away, and she fled to the adjoining +apartment. Mildred followed her at once, and Belle, with a white, +scared face, looked into Roger's eyes. He rose and came directly +to her and said, "Belle, you know you can always count on me. Your +father is so ill that I think I had better follow him. I can do so +unobserved." + +"Oh, Roger--why--is--is papa losing his mind?" + +His quick eye now noted that Fred and Minnie had become so impressed +that something dreadful had happened that they were about to make +the occasion more painful by their outcries, and he turned smilingly +to them, and with a few reassuring words and promises soon quieted +their fears. "Be a brave little woman, Belle," he at last said to +her. "There is my address, and please promise to let me know if I +can do anything for you and for--for Mrs. Jocelyn." + +"Don't go--please don't go yet," Belle pleaded. "Papa's looks and +words to-night fill me with a strange fear as if something awful +might happen." + +"Perhaps if I follow your father I may prevent--" + +"Oh, yes, go at once." + +He was intercepted at the door by the entrance of Mr. Jocelyn, who +had had ample time in the few brief minutes that had elapsed to +fill his system with the subtle stimulant. He now took Roger by the +hand most cordially, and said, "Pardon me, Mr. Atwood. My health +has become somewhat impaired of late, and I fear I have just had +a rather bad turn; but the air has revived me, and the trouble now +has passed. I insist that you stay and spend the evening with us." + +"Oh, papa," cried Belle, rushing into his arms, "how you frightened +us! Please go into my room, there, and comfort mamma by telling +her you are all well again." + +This he did so effectively that he soon led her out smiling through +her tears, for her confidence in him was the growth and habit +of years, and anything he said to her seemed for the moment true. +And, indeed, the man was so changed that it was hard to realize he +was not well. His face, in contrast with its aspect a few moments +since, appeared to have regained its natural hue and expression; +every trace of irritability had passed away, and with his old-time, +easy courtesy and seeming frankness he talked so plausibly of it +all that Belle and his wife, and even Roger, felt that they had +attached undue importance to a mere temporary indisposition. + +Mildred made great effort to be cheerful for her father's sake, +but the pallor did not pass from her face, nor the look of deep +anxiety from her eyes. The shadow of coming trouble had fallen too +heavily upon her, and that the marked exhibition of her father's +failing powers should have occurred at this time added to the +impression that Roger Atwood was their evil genius. She recalled +the fact that he seemingly had been the first exciting cause of +her father's unnatural behavior, and now his reappearance was the +occasion of the most convincing proof they had yet received that +the one upon whom they all depended was apparently failing in both +mind and body. Even now, while he was doing his best to reassure and +render happy his family, there was to her perception an unreality +in his words and manner. She almost imagined, too, that he feared +to meet her eye and shunned doing so. Not in the remotest degree, +however, did she suspect the cause of his suddenly varying moods +and changed appearance, but regarded all as the result of his +misfortunes; and the miserable presentiment grew strong upon her +that soon--alas! too soon--she would be the slender reed on which +they all would lean. If she could have six months, only, of careful +preparation she would not so dread the burden; but if now, or soon, +the whole responsibility of the family's support should come upon +her and Belle, what would they do? Her heart sank, and her very +soul cowered at the prospect. She could not live in the present +hour like Belle, but with too keen a foresight realized how dark +and threatening was the future. + +The night was clear and beautiful, and Roger and Belle went up to +the platform built over the roof. Not long afterward there was a +knock at the door, and Mr. Ulph appeared. "Der night vas goot," he +said to Mildred, "und I vill gif you von leedle glimpse oil hefen +if you vould like him." + +The poor girl felt that she certainly needed a glimpse of something +bright and reassuring, and wrapping herself warmly she followed +her quaint friend to the roof. + +Roger grew taciturn as he watched the dim outline of her form and +her white, upturned face. She seemed as cold and distant to him +as the stars at which she gazed, and he thought dejectedly, "The +least of them have an interest for her greater than I shall ever +be able to inspire." + +He overrated her interest in the stars on that occasion, however, +for though she did her best to follow the old astronomer's words, +her heart was too sorrowful and preoccupied, and her eyes too often +blinded by tears, which once glittered so distinctly in the rays +of a brilliant planet that her companion stopped in the midst of +a sentence and looked at her keenly. + +"You vas not habby, my leedle schild," he said kindly. "Dere's +someding droubling you heart; put you gan no see vay inter der +hefens drew dears do' dey vas glear as der lens off my glass." + +"I fear I shall have to see through tears very often, if I see +at all," Mildred replied, with a low, suppressed sob. "Forgive +me to-night. I DO feel grateful that you are willing to show +me--but--I--I--well, I am troubled to-night about something, and +I can't control myself. To-morrow night I'll be braver, and will +help you. Please don't feel hurt if I leave you now." + +"Ah, mine leedle girl, learn vrom der schtars dot der great laws +moost be opeyed, und don't you vorry und vret ober vat you gannot +help. Shust you go along quiet und easy like Shupiter oup dere. +Lots off dings vill dry to bull dis vay and dot vay outen der right +orpt, put dond you mind 'em, und shust go right schtrait along +und not care. You veels too mooch apout oder beoples. Der schtars +deach you petter; dey goes right on der own vay und about der own +pisness, unless dey vas voolish leedle schtars, like dot von dere +dots shust gone to der duyvel vrom runin outen his vay toward der +earth." + +She might have reminded him that, if she had acted upon this cold +and selfish philosophy, his little child would now be sleeping in +a distant cemetery instead of in his warm crib, but she only said, +"Good-night, Mr. Ulph; I'll do better next time," and she hurried +away. She felt that the sun and centre of their family life was +passing under a strange and lasting eclipse, and the result might +be darkness--chaos. + +She wiped her eyes carefully, that no traces of grief might appear, +and then entered their room. Her mother was putting the children to +bed, and her father looking dreamily out of the window. She kissed +him, and said briefly, "I'm tired and think I will retire early so +as to be ready for my work." He made no effort to detain her. She +clasped her mother in a momentary passionate embrace, and then shut +herself up to a night of almost sleepless grief. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI + +WAXING AND WANING MANHOOD + + +Both Belle and Roger saw that Mildred had not been reassured by +Mr. Jocelyn's return and manner; and as they thought it over they +found it difficult to account for his strangely varying moods. After +a rather lame effort to chat cheerily, Roger bad Belle good-night, +and assured her that she now had a friend always within call. + +His uncle's modest residence was in a side street and not far away, +but the young fellow walked for hours before applying his night-key +to the door. What he had seen and heard that day touched his heart's +core, and the influences that were so rapidly developing his manhood +were greatly strengthened. For Belle he now had a genuine liking +and not a little respect. He saw her foibles clearly, and understood +that she was still more a child than a woman, and so should not +be judged by the standards proper for those of mature age; but he +also saw the foundations on which a noble womanhood might be built. +She inspired a sense of comradeship and honest friendliness which +would easily deepen into fraternal love, but Mrs. Jocelyn's surmise +that she might some day touch that innermost spring which controls +the entire man had no true basis. Nor would there have been any +possibility of this had he never seen Mildred. A true man--one +governed by heart and mind, not passion--meets many women whom he +likes and admires exceedingly, but who can never quicken his pulse. +On Mildred, however--although she coveted the gift so little--was +bestowed the power to touch the most hidden and powerful principles +of his being, to awaken and stimulate every faculty he possessed. +Her words echoed and re-echoed in the recesses of his soul; even +her cold, distant glances were like rays of a tropical sun to which +his heart could offer no resistance; and yet they were by no means +enervating. Some natures would have grown despondent over prospects +seemingly so hopeless, but Roger was of a different type. His deep +and unaccepted feeling did not flow back upon his spirit, quenching +it in dejection and despair, but it became a resistless tide back +of his purpose to win her recognition and respect at least, and +his determination to prove himself her peer. A girl so beautiful +and womanly might easily gain such power over several men without +any conscious effort, remaining meanwhile wholly indifferent +or even averse herself, and Roger had indeed but little cause for +hope. He might realize every ambitious dream and win her respect +and admiration, and her heart continue as unresponsive as it had +been from the first. Many a man has loved and waited in vain; and +some out of this long adversity in that which touched their dearest +interests have built the grandest successes of life and the loftiest +and purest manhood. + +A few months before, Roger seemingly had been a good-natured, +pleasure-loving country youth, who took life as it came, with little +thought for the morrow. Events had proved that he had latent and +undeveloped force. In the material world we find substances that +apparently are inert and powerless, but let some other substance +be brought sufficiently near, and an energy is developed that seems +like magic, and transformations take place that were regarded as +supernatural in times when nature's laws were little understood. +If this be true concerning that which is gross and material, how +much more true of the quick, informing spirit that can send out its +thoughts to the furthest star! Strong souls--once wholly unconscious +of their power--at the touch of adequate motives pass into action +and combinations which change the character of the world from age +to age. + +But in the spiritual as in the physical world, this development takes +place in accordance with natural law and within the limitations of +each character. There is nothing strange, however strange it may +appear to those who do not understand. Roger Atwood was not a genius +that would speedily dazzle the world with bewildering coruscations. +It would rather be his tendency to grow silent and reserved with +years, but his old boyish alertness would not decline, or his habit of +shrewd, accurate observation. He thus would take few false steps, +and would prove his force by deeds. Therefore he was almost +predestined to succeed, for his unusually strong will would not +drive him into useless effort or against obstacles that could be +foreseen and avoided. + +After Mildred's departure from the country he carried out his +plans in a characteristic way. He wrote frankly and decidedly to +his uncle that he was coming to the city, and would struggle on +alone if he received no aid. At the same time he suggested that +he had a large acquaintance in his vicinity, and therefore by +judicious canvassing among the farmers he believed he could bring +much patronage with him. This looked not unreasonable to the shrewd +commission merchant, and, since his nephew was determined to make +an excursion into the world, he concluded it had better be done +under the safest and most business-like circumstances. At the same +time recalling the character and habits of the country boy, as he +remembered him, he surmised that Roger would soon become homesick +and glad to go back to his old life. If retained under his eye, +the youth could be kept out of harm's way and returned untainted +and content to be a farmer. He therefore wrote to Roger that, if +his parents were willing, he might secure what trade he could in +farm produce and make the trial. + +At first Mr. and Mrs. Atwood would not hear of the plan, and the +father openly declared that it was "those Jocelyn girls that had +unsettled the boy." + +"Father," said Roger, a little defiantly and sarcastically, "doesn't +it strike you that I'm rather tall for a boy? Did you never hear +of a small child, almost of age, choosing his own course in life?" + +"That is not the way to talk," said his mother reprovingly. "We +both very naturally feel that it's hard, and hardly right, too, +for you to leave us just as we are getting old and need some one +to lean on." + +"Do not believe, mother, that I have not thought of that," was the +eager reply; "and if I have my way you and father, and Susan too, +shall be well provided for." + +"Thank you," Mr. Atwood snarled contemptuously. "I'll get what I +can out of the old farm, and I don't expect any provision from an +overgrown boy whose head is so turned by two city girls that he +must go dangling after them." + +Roger flushed hotly, and angry words rose to his lips, but he +restrained them by a visible effort. After a moment he said quietly, +"You are my father, and may say what you please. There is but one +way of convincing you whether I am a boy or a man, and I'll take +it. You can keep me here till I'm twenty-one if you will, but you'll +be sorry. It will be so much loss to me and no gain to you. I've +often heard you say the Atwoods never 'drove well,' and you found +out years ago that a good word went further with me than what you +used to call a 'good thrashing.' If you let me have my way, now +that I'm old enough to choose for myself, I'll make your old age +cozy and comfortable. If you thwart me, as I said before, you'll +be sorry," and he turned on his heel and left them. + +Politic Mrs. Atwood had watched her son closely for weeks and knew +that something was coming, but with woman's patience she waited and +was kind. No one would miss him so much as she, and yet, mother-like, +she now took sides against her own heart. But she saw that her +husband was in no mood to listen to her at present, and nothing +more was said that day. + +In the evening Roger drove out in his carriage and returned on +horseback. + +"There's the money you paid for the buggy, with interest," he said +to his father. + +"You aren't gone yet," was the growling answer. + +"No matter. I shall not ride in it again, and you are not the +loser." + +Roger had a rugged side to his nature which his father's course +often called out, and Mrs. Atwood made her husband feel, reluctant +as he was to admit it, that he was taking the wrong course with +his son. A letter also from his brother in town led him to believe +that Roger would probably come back in the spring well content to +remain at home; so at last he gave a grudging consent. + +Ungracious as it was, the young man rewarded him by a vigorous, +thorough completion of the fall work, by painting the house and +putting the place in better order than it had ever known before; +meanwhile for his mother and sister he showed a consideration and +gentleness which proved that he was much changed from his old self. + +"I can see the hand of Mildred Jocelyn in everything he says and +does," Susan remarked one day after a long fit of musing, "and +yet I don't believe she cares a straw for him." Her intuition was +correct; it was Roger's ambition to become such a man as Mildred +must respect in spite of herself, and it was also true that she +was not merely indifferent, but for the reasons already given--as +far as she had reasons--she positively disliked him. + +Roger brought sufficient business from the country to prevent +regretful second thoughts in the mind of his thrifty uncle, and the +impression was made that the young fellow might steady down into +a useful clerk; but when as much was hinted Roger frankly told him +that he regarded business as a stepping-stone merely to the study of +the law. The old merchant eyed him askance, but made no response. +Occasionally the veteran of the market evinced a glimmer of enthusiasm +over a prime article of butter, but anything so intangible as a +young man's ambitious dreams was looked upon with a very cynical +eye. Still he could not be a part of New York life and remain wholly +sceptical in regard to the possibilities it offered to a young +fellow of talent and large capacity for work. He was a childless +man, and if Roger had it in him to "climb the ladder," as he +expressed it to himself, "it might pay to give him the chance." But +the power to climb would have to be proved almost to a demonstration. +In the meantime Roger, well watched and much mistrusted, was but +a clerk in his store near Washington Market, and a student during +all spare hours. + +He had too much sense to attempt superficial work or to seek to +build his fortunes on the slight foundation of mere smartness. It +was his plan to continue in business for a year or more and then +enter the junior class of one of the city colleges. By making the +most of every moment and with the aid of a little private tutoring +he believed he could do this, for he was a natural mathematician, +and would find in the classics his chief difficulties. At any rate +it was his fixed resolve not to enter upon the study of the law +proper until he had broadened his mind by considerable general +culture. Not only did his ambition prompt to this, but he felt that +if he developed narrowly none would be so clearly aware of the fact +as Mildred Jocelyn. Although not a highly educated girl herself, he +knew she had a well-bred woman's nice perception of what constituted +a cultivated man; he also knew that he had much prejudice to +overcome, and that he must strike at its very root. + +In the meantime poor Mildred, unconscious of all save his unwelcome +regard, was seeking with almost desperate earnestness to gain +practical knowledge of two humble arts, hoping to be prepared for +the time--now clearly foreseen and dreaded--when her father might +decline so far in mind and health as to fail them utterly, and +even become a heavy burden. She did not dream that his disease was +a drug, and although some of his associates began to suspect as +much, in spite of all his precautions, none felt called upon to +suggest their suspicions to his family. + +Causes that work steadily will sooner or later reach their legitimate +results. The opium inertia grew inevitably upon Mr. Jocelyn. He +disappointed the expectations of his employers to that degree that +they felt that something was wrong, and his appearance and manner +often puzzled them not a little even though with all the cunning +which the habit engenders he sought to hide his weakness. + +One day, late in November, an unexpected incident brought matters +to a crisis. An experienced medical acquaintance, while making a +call upon the firm, caught sight of Mr. Jocelyn, and his practiced +eye detected the trouble at once. + +"That man is an opium-eater," he said in a low tone, and +his explanation of the effects of the drug was a diagnosis of Mr. +Jocelyn's symptoms and appearance. The firm's sympathy for a man +seemingly in poor health was transformed into disgust and antipathy, +since there is less popular toleration of this weakness than of +drinking habits. The very obscurity in which the vice is involved +makes it seem all the more unnatural and repulsive, and it must +be admitted that the fullest knowledge tends only to increase this +horror and repugnance, even though pity is awakened for the wretched +victim. + +But Mr. Jocelyn's employers had little knowledge of the vice, and +they were not in the least inclined to pity. They felt that they +had been imposed upon, and that too at a time when all business +men were very restless under useless expenditure. It was the man's +fault and not misfortune that he had failed so signally in securing +trade from the South, and, while they had paid him but a small +salary, his ill-directed and wavering efforts had involved them in +considerable expense. Asking the physician to remain, they summoned +Mr. Jocelyn to the private office, and directly charged him with +the excessive and habitual use of opium. + +The poor man was at first greatly confused, and trembled as if +in an ague fit, for his nerve power was already so shattered that +he had little self-control in an emergency. This, of course, was +confirmation of guilt in their eyes. + +"Gentlemen, you do me a great wrong," he managed to say, and +hastily left the office. Having secreted himself from observation +he snatched out his hypodermic syringe, and within six minutes +felt himself equal to any crisis. Boldly returning to the office +he denied the charge in the most explicit terms, and with some show +of lofty indignation. The physician who was still present watched +him closely, and noticed that the cuff on his left hand was somewhat +crumpled, as if it had been recently pushed back. Without a word +he seized Mr. Jocelyn's arm and pulled back his coat and shirt +sleeve, revealing a bright red puncture just made, and many others +of a remoter date. + +"There is no use in lying about such matters to me," said the +physician. "How much morphia did you inject into your arm since +you left us?" + +"I am a victim of neuralgia," Mr. Jocelyn began, without any +hesitation, "and the cruel and unreasonable charge here made against +me brought on an acute paroxysm, and therefore I--" + +"Stop that nonsense," interrupted the doctor, roughly. "Don't you +know that lying, when lying is of no use, is one of the characteristic +traits of an opium-eater? I am a physician, and have seen too +many cases to be deceived a moment. You have all the symptoms of +a confirmed morphia consumer, and if you ever wish to break your +chains you had better tell doctors the truth and put yourself under +the charge of one in whom you have confidence." + +"Well, curse you!" said Mr. Jocelyn savagely, "it was through one +of your damnable fraternity that I acquired what you are pleased +to call my chains, and now you come croaking to my employers, +poisoning their minds against me." + +"Oh, as to poisoning," remarked the physician sarcastically, "I'll +wager a thousand dollars that you have absorbed enough morphia +within the last twenty-four hours to kill every one in this office. +At the rate you are going on, as far as I can judge from appearances, +you will soon poison yourself out of existence. No physician ever +advised the destroying vice you are practicing, and no physician +would take offence at your words any more than at the half-demented +ravings of a fever patient. You are in a very critical condition, +sir, and unless you can wake up to the truth and put forth more +will-power than most men possess you will soon go to the bad." + +"I sincerely hope you will take this experienced physician's +advice," said the senior member of the firm very coldly. "At any +rate we can no longer permit you to jeopardize our interests by +your folly and weakness. The cashier will settle with you, and our +relations end here and now." + +"You will bitterly repent of this injustice," Mr. Jocelyn replied +haughtily. "You are discharging a man of unusual business capacity--one +whose acquaintance with the South is wellnigh universal, and whose +combinations were on the eve of securing enormous returns." + +"We will forego all these advantages. Good-morning, sir. Did you +ever see such effrontery?" he continued, after Mr. Jocelyn had +departed with a lofty and contemptuous air. + +"It's not effrontery--it's opium," said the physician sadly. "You +should see the abject misery of the poor wretch after the effects +of the drug have subsided." + +"I have no wish to see him again under any aspect, and heartily +thank you for unmasking him. We must look at once into our affairs, +and see how much mischief he has done. If he wants the aid and +respect of decent men, let him give up his vile practice." + +"That's easier said than done," the physician replied. "Very few +ever give it up who have gone as far as this man." + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII + +A SLAVE + + +The physician was right. A more abject and pitiable spectacle than +Mr. Jocelyn could scarcely have been found among the miserable +unfortunates of a city noted for its extremes in varied condition. +Even in his false excitement he was dimly aware that he was facing +a dreadful emergency, and following an instinctive desire for +solitude so characteristic of those in his condition, he took a +room in an obscure hotel and gave himself up to thoughts that grew +more and more painful as the unnatural dreams inspired by opium +shaped themselves gradually into accord with the actualities of +his life. + +For a month or two past he had been swept almost unresistingly down +the darkening and deepening current of his sin. Whenever he made +some feeble, vacillating effort to reduce his allowance of the +drug, he became so wretched, irritable, and unnatural in manner +that his family were full of perplexed wonder and solicitude. To +hide his weakness from his wife was his supreme desire; and yet, +if he stopped--were this possible--the whole wretched truth would +be revealed. Each day he had been tormented with the feeling that +something must be done, and yet nothing had been done. He had only +sunk deeper and deeper, as with the resistless force of gravitation. + +His vague hope, his baseless dream that something would occur +which would make reform easier or the future clearer, had now been +dissipated utterly, and every moment with more terrible distinctness +revealed to him the truth that he had lost his manhood. The vice +was already stamped on his face and manner, so that an experienced +eye could detect it at, once; soon all would see the degrading +brand. He, who had once been the soul of honor and truth, had lied +that day again and again, and the thought pierced him like a sword. + +And now, after his useless falsehoods, what should he do? He was +no longer unacquainted with his condition--few opium victims are, +at his advanced stage of the habit--and he knew well how long and +terrible would be the ordeal of a radical cure, even if he had the +will-power to attempt it. He had, of late, taken pains to inform +himself of the experience of others who had passed down the same +dark, slippery path, and when he tried to diminish instead of +increasing his doses of morphia, he had received fearful warnings +of the awful chasm that intervened between himself and safety. + +A few opium consumers can go on for years in comparative tranquillity +if they will avoid too great excess, and carefully increase their +daily allowance so as not to exhibit too marked alternations of +elation and depression. Now and then, persons of peculiar constitution +can maintain the practice a long time without great physical or +moral deterioration; but no habitue can stop without sufferings +prolonged and more painful than can be described. Sooner or later, +even those natures which offer the strongest resistance to the +ravages of the poison succumb, and pass hopelessly to the same +destruction. Mr. Jocelyn's sanguine, impulsive temperament had little +capacity for resistance to begin with, and he had during the last +year used the drug freely and constantly, thus making downward +advances in months that in some instances require years of moderate +indulgence. Moreover, as with alcohol, many natures have an unusual +and morbid craving for opium after once acquiring the habit of its +use. Their appetite demands it with an imperiousness which will not +be denied, even while in soul they recoil and loathe the bondage. +This was especially true of Mr. Jocelyn. The vice in his case was +wrecking a mind and heart naturally noble and abounding in the +best impulses. He was conscious, too, of this demoralization, and +suffered almost as greatly as would a true, pure woman, if, by some +fatal necessity, she were compelled to live a life of crime. + +He had already begun to shrink from the companionship of his family. +The play and voices of his little children jarred his shattered +nerves almost beyond endurance; and every look of love and act of +trust became a stinging irritant instead of the grateful incense that +had once filled his home with perfume. In bitter self-condemnation +he saw that he was ceasing to be a protector to his daughters, and +that unless he could break the dark, self-woven spells he would drag +them down to the depths of poverty, and then leave them exposed to +the peculiar temptations which, in a great city, ever assail girls +so young, beautiful, and friendless. Mildred, he believed, would +die rather than sin; but he often groaned in spirit as he thought +of Belle. Their considerate self-denial that he might not be disturbed +after his return from business, and their looks of solicitude, +pierced him daily with increasing torture; and the knowledge that +he added to the monotony of their lives and the irksomeness of their +poverty oppressed him with a dejection that was relieved only by +the cause of all his troubles. + +But the thought of his loving, trusting, patient wife was the most +unendurable of all. He had loved her from the first as his own +soul, and her love and respect were absolutely essential to him, +and yet he was beginning to recoil from her with a strange and +unnatural force. He felt that he had no right to touch her while +she remained so true and he was so false. He dreaded her loving +gaze more than a detective's cold, searching eye. He had already +deceived her in regard to the marks of the hypodermic needle, assuring +her that they were caused by a slight impurity in his blood, and +she never questioned anything he said. He often lay awake through +interminable nights--the drug was fast losing its power to produce +quiet sleep--trembling and cold with apprehension of the hour when +she would become aware that her husband was no longer a man, but +the most degraded of slaves. She might learn that she was leaning, +not even on a frail reed, but on a poisoned weapon that would +pierce her heart. It seemed to him that he would rather die than +meet that hour when into her gentle eyes would come the horror of +the discovery, and in fact the oft-recurring thought of it all had +caused more pain than a hundred deaths. + +Could he go home now and reveal his degradation? Great drops of cold +perspiration drenched him at the bare thought. The icy waters, the +ooze and mud of the river seemed preferable. He could not openly +continue his vice in the presence of his family, nor could he conceal +it much longer, and the attempt to stop the drug, even gradually, +would transform him almost into a demon of irritability and perhaps +violence, so frightful is the rebellion of the physical nature +against the abstinence essential to a final cure. + +At last he matured and carried out the following plan: Returning +to the firm that had employed him, he told them of his purpose to +go South among his old acquaintances and begin life anew, and of +his belief that a sea voyage and change of scene would enable him +to break the habit; and he so worked upon their sympathies that +they promised to say nothing of his weakness, and not to let the +past stand in his way if he would redeem himself. + +Then fortifying his nerves carefully with morphia he went home and +broached the project to his wife and Mildred, plausibly advancing +the idea that the change might restore his failing health. To his +relief they did not oppose his scheme, for indeed they felt that +something must be done speedily to arrest his decline; and although +the separation would be hard for the wife to endure, and would become +a source of increased anxiety for a time, it was much better than +seeing him fail so steadily before her eyes. His plan promised +improvement in their fortunes and cure of the mysterious disease +that was slowly sapping his life. Therefore she tearfully consented +that he should go, and if the way opened favorably it was decided +that the family should follow him. + +The only question now was to raise the money required; and to +accomplish this they sold the household effects still in storage, +and Mildred, without a word, disposed of the most of her jewelry +and brought the proceeds to her father; for the gold and gems worn +in days that accorded with their lustre were as nothing to her +compared with her father's life and health. + +"I would turn my blood into gold if I could, father," she said, +with swimming eyes, "if it would only make you well and strong as +you once were." + +The man's hand so trembled that he could scarcely receive the +money. When by himself he groaned, "Oh, how awful and deep will be +the curse of God if I turn this money against her by using it for +the damnedest poison the devil ever brewed!" and he wrapped it up +separately with a shudder. + +A few days later, with many tears and clinging embraces, they parted +with him, his wife whispering in his ear at the last moment, "Martin, +my every breath will be a prayer for your safety and health." + +Under the influence of the powerful emotions inspired by this +last interview he threw his hypodermic syringe and morphia bottle +overboard from the deck of the steamer, saying, with a desperate +resolution which only an opium slave could understand, "I'll break +the habit for one week if I die for it," and he sailed away into +what seemed a region of unimaginable horrors, dying ten thousand +deaths in the indescribable anguish of his mind and body. The winter +storm that soon overtook the ship was magnified by his disordered +intellect until its uproar was appalling in the last degree. +The people on the vessel thought him demented, and for a few days +the captain kept him under a continuous guard, and considerately +suppressed the cause of his behavior, that was soon revealed by +requests for opium that were sometimes pitiful pleadings and again +irritable demands. He soon passed into a condition approaching +collapse, vomiting incessantly, and insane in his wild restlessness. +Indeed he might have died had not the captain, in much doubt and +anxiety, administered doses of laudanum which, in his inexperience, +were appalling in their amount. + +At last, more dead than alive, with racking pains, shiverings and +exhaustion from prolonged insomnia, he was taken ashore in a Southern +city and a physician summoned, who, with a promptness characteristic +of the profession, administered a preparation of morphia, and the +old fatal spell was renewed at once. The vitiated system that for +days had been largely deprived of its support seized upon the drug +again with a craving as irresistible as the downward rush of a +torrent. The man could no more control his appetite than he could +an Atlantic tide. It overwhelmed his enervated will at once, and now +that morphine could be obtained he would have it at any and every +cost. Of course he seemingly improved rapidly under its influence, +and cunningly disguising his condition from the physician, soon +dismissed him and resumed his old habits. He felt that it was +impossible to endure the horrors of total abstinence, and, now +that he was no longer under the observation of his family, he again +tried to satisfy his conscience by promising himself that he would +gradually reduce the amount used until he could discontinue it +utterly--delusive hope, that has mocked thousands like himself. If +he could have gone to an asylum and surrounded his infirm will by +every possible safeguard, he might have been carried through the +inevitable period of horrible depression; but even then the habit +had become so confirmed that his chances would have been problematical, +for experience sadly proves that confirmed opium-consumers are ever +in danger of a relapse. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII + +NEW YORK'S HUMANITY + + +Mrs. Jocelyn drooped in her husband's absence, for every year had +increased her sense of dependence. She felt somewhat like one who +is drifting on a wreck. If the sea would only remain calm, all might +be well; but the sea never is at rest very long, and if storms, +dangers, and emergencies occurred what would she do? + +Each day that passed without word from her husband grew longer, +and when at last a letter came it was vague and unsatisfactory. +He hoped he was better; he hoped to find a foothold; and then came +again several days of silence which were almost as oppressive to +Mildred as to herself. + +Meanwhile their funds were failing fast, and they both felt that +they ought not to sell anything else for mere living expenses. +More critical emergencies might arise and find them destitute. If +Mr. Jocelyn should become seriously ill in the South, they must be +in a position to have him cared for and brought home. Mildred with +extreme reluctance was compelled to face the necessity of giving +up her studies so that she might earn something at once. She had +about decided to reveal her troubles to Miss Wetheridge, when a +hasty note from her friend swept away all immediate chance of aid +in that direction. "The gentleman to whom I was soon to be married," +she wrote, "has not been strong for a year past, and a few days +since he was taken with a hemorrhage from his lungs. His physician +ordered him to go immediately to Nassau. In accordance with our +mutual wishes we were married quietly in the presence of a few +relatives, and by the time this note reaches you we shall be on our +way to the South. My heart is burdened with anxiety, and my hourly +prayer is that God will spare the life of one so dear to me. I wish +I could see you before I sail, but it is impossible. I have had to +leave almost everything undone. Write me often." + +This note threw Mildred on her own resources. She felt that Mr. +Wentworth could do little for her beyond certifying to her character, +for he was the pastor of a congregation of which a large proportion +were as poor as herself. There was naught to do but go to work like +the others in uncomplaining silence and earn her bread. + +One evening she learned from Belle that the increased trade incident +to the approaching holiday season had rendered more help necessary, +and that one large shop on Sixth Avenue had already made known +this need. When the doors opened the following morning, Mildred +was among the crowd of applicants, and her appearance was so much +in her favor that she was engaged at once on a salary of six dollars +a week. Only immediate necessity could have induced her to take +this step, for she justly doubted her ability to endure the strain +of standing continuously. The shop, however, was full of girls as +frail-looking as herself, and it was the only certainty of support +within her reach. Her mother cried bitterly over the step, and +she, also, could not hide a few tears, brave as she tried to be; +but she said resolutely, "I'm no better than hundreds of others, +and if they can endure it I can and will, for a while at least." + +The first day was one that she never forgot. The bright sun and +clear, bracing atmosphere brought out crowds of shoppers, but the +air of the store soon became vitiated, hot, and lifeless. In this +close, stifling place she was compelled to stand, elbowed by other +girls who were strangers to her, and too busy or too indifferent +to aid materially her inexperienced efforts to learn her duties. +She made blunders, for which she was scolded; she grew bewildered +and faint, and when the few moments of nooning came she could not +eat the lunch her mother had prepared. If she could only have had +a cup of strong coffee she might have got through the day; but her +employers were much too thrifty to furnish such a luxury, and she +was too tired, and the time allotted her much too brief to permit +its quest. Therefore she tried to rest a little from the intolerable +fatigue and pain of standing, and to collect her thoughts. + +The afternoon crush of customers was greater even than that which +had crowded the counters in the morning, and she grew more and +more bewildered under the confused fire of questions and orders. +If any one had had the time or heart to observe, there would have +been seen in her eyes the pathetic, fearful look of some timid +creature of the woods when harried and driven to bay by hounds. + +Suddenly everything grew black before her eyes; the piled-up goods, +the chattering throng, faded, and she sank to the floor--there was +no room for her to fall. + +When she revived she found that she had been carried to the cloak-room, +in which the girls ate their lunch, and that a woman was kneeling +beside her applying restoratives. In a few moments one of the managers +looked in and asked, in an off-hand way, "How is she getting on?" + +With the instinct of self-preservation Mildred sat up, and pleaded, +"Indeed, sir, I'm better. It was all so strange--the air was close. +I beg of you not to discharge me. I will learn soon." + +"Oh, don't be so worried," the man replied good-naturedly. "It's +nothing new to have a girl faint on the first day. You'll get used +to it by and by like the rest. Will you be well enough to walk +home, or shall I have a carriage ordered?" + +"Please don't get a carriage. It would frighten mamma terribly, +and she would not let me come back, and I MUST come, for we need +every penny I can earn." + +"Well, now, that's sensible, and you save the carriage hire also. +You're a fine-looking, plucky girl, and I'll give you a place at +the lace counter, near the door, where the air is better and the +work lighter (and where her pretty face will do us no harm," he +added mentally). + +"You are very kind, sir, and I can't tell you how much I thank +you." + +"All right, you'll get into training and do as well as the best, +so don't be discouraged," and the man had the grace or business +thrift--probably a blending of both--to send her a cup of coffee. + +She was then left to rest, and go home when she felt like it. As +early as she dared without exciting her mother's suspicions, she +crept away, almost as the wounded slowly and painfully leave a +field of battle. Her temples still throbbed; in all her body there +was a slight muscular tremor, or beating sensation, and her step +faltered from weakness. To her delicate organization, already +reduced by anxiety, sedentary life, and prolonged mental effort, +the strain and nervous shock of that day's experiences had been +severe indeed. + +To hide the truth from her despondent mother was now her chief hope +and aim. Her fatigue she would not attempt to disguise, for that +would be unnatural. It was with difficulty she climbed the one flight +of stairs that led to their room, but her wan face was smiling as +she pushed open the door and kissed her mother in greeting. Then +throwing herself on the lounge she cried gayly, "Come, little +mother, give me an old maid's panacea for every ill of life--a cup +of strong tea." + +"Millie," cried Mrs. Jocelyn, bending over her with moist eyes, +"you look pale and gone--like--" + +"Oh no, mamma, I'm here--a good hundred and ten pounds of me, more +or less." + +"But how did you get through the day?" + +"You will hardly believe it," was the reassuring reply; "I've been +promoted already from work that was hard and coarse to the lace +counter, which is near the door, where one can breathe a little +pure air. If the goods were as second-hand as the air they would +not have a customer. But come, mamma dear, I'm too tired to talk, +and would rather eat, and especially drink. These surely are good +symptoms." + +"Millie, you are a soldier, as we used to say during the war," +said Mrs. Jocelyn, hastening the preparations for supper; "but you +cannot deceive a mother's eyes. You are more exhausted than you +even realize yourself. Oh, I do wish there was some other way. I'd +give all the world if I had Mrs. Wheaton's stout red arms, for I'd +rather wash all day and half the night than see you and Belle so +burdened early in life." + +"I wouldn't have my beautiful mamma changed even by one gray hair," +was the very natural response. + +Belle nearly rendered futile all of Mildred's efforts to hide the +worst from her mother; for, after her duties were over, she went +eagerly to the shop where she expected to find her sister. Having +learned that Miss Jocelyn had fainted and had gone home some time +in the afternoon, she sped almost breathlessly after her, and burst +into the room with the words, "Millie! Millie!" + +Fortunately Mrs. Jocelyn was busy over the stove at the moment +and did not see Mildred's strong cautionary gesture; but Belle's +perceptions were almost instantaneous, and with one significant +glance of her dark eyes she entered into the loving conspiracy. + +"What is it, Belle?" was Mrs. Jocelyn's anxious query. + +"I'm wild to know how Millie has got on the first day, and whether +she has a big fight on her hands as I had. If she has, I declare +war, too, against all the powers and principalities--not of the +air, for there wasn't a breath of it in our store to-day. We've +had a crush, and I'm half dead from trying to do two days' work in +one. Ten minutes for lunch. Scores of cross customers all wanting +to be waited on at once, and the floor-walkers flying around like +hens bereft of heads, which, after all, are never of much use to +either. In spite of all, here we are, mamma, ready for a cup of +your good tea and other fixin's. Now, Millie, it's your turn. I've +let off enough steam to be safe till after supper. Have you made +cruel enemies to-day, from whom you desire my protection?" + +"No, Belle," said Mildred, laughing; "I haven't your force and +brilliancy, and have made but a humdrum beginning. I was so stupid +at one counter that they transferred me to another, and I'm glad +of it, for laces are pretty, and taking care of them wouldn't seem +like drudgery at all. Best of all, it's near the door, and every +customer will give me a sustaining breath." + +"Millie is standing it capitally for a beginner," Belle remarked, +with the air of a veteran, as Mildred eagerly drank her cup of tea +and asked for more. "I was so tired the first night that it seemed +as if I could scarcely swallow a mouthful." + +Thus they carried out the little ruse, careful not to exaggerate, +for Mrs. Jocelyn's intuitions were quick. + +As it was she looked at her child with many misgivings, but she +tried for their sakes to be cheerful, and praised the courage and +spirit of both the girls, assuring them that they showed their true +Southern blood, and that they reminded her of their father when, +during his brief visits, he talked over the long, hard campaigns. + +At last they were in the privacy of their own room, and Mildred, as +if she were the weaker and younger, buried her face on her sister's +shoulder and sobbed despairingly, "Oh, Belle, you are the stronger. +I fear I can't stand it at all. I've suffered more to-day than +in all my life, and my feet and back still ache--oh, I can't tell +you." + +The child soothed and comforted her, and said she had suffered just +the same at first, and often still she felt that if she could not +sit down for a few moments she would drop down; "but there, Millie," +she concluded, with the best philosophy the case admitted of, "you +get used to it gradually--you can get used to anything." + +"I don't believe I can," was the dejected reply, "and yet I must, +if we would have shelter and bread. Oh that we might hear some good +news from papa! Why don't he write oftener? I fear it is because +he has nothing cheering to tell us." + +The next morning, in spite of all effort, Mildred was too ill and +lame to rise, but she instructed Belie to assure her employer that +she would come the following day. + +Mrs. Jocelyn tried hard to persuade her not to go back at all, and +at last Mildred grew a little stern and said emphatically, "Please +say no more, mamma. We can afford none of this weak nonsense. I +must earn my bread, as do other girls, and have no time to lose." + +The following day, fortunately, was so stormy that customers were +scattering, and Mildred had a chance to gain an idea of her duties +and to rest a little from time to time, for out of consideration of +the facts that she had been ill and was a beginner, she was permitted +to sit down occasionally. She was so attractive in appearance, and +had brought such an excellent certificate of character, that the +proprietors were inclined to be lenient, and smooth a little the +harsh and thorny path of a beginner. + +And so the weary days dragged on, and she slowly acquired the power +to stand as did the others. They were days, however, which ended +in a close approach to agony, from which the nights brought but +slight and temporary relief, for so great was the pain in her feet +and back that she would moan even in her sleep. Her sufferings were +scarcely less than at first, but, as Belle said, she was "getting +used" to them. + +It is a well-known fact that many would persist in living in spite +of all the tortures of the Inquisition. I wonder if the old-time +inquisitors and their "familiars" were ingenious enough to compel +delicate women to stand and talk all day, and sometimes part of +the night? + +In very truth, the poor girl was earning her bread by torture, and +she soon found that she had many companions in suffering who, with +woman's capacity for the patient endurance of pain, made the best +of their lot, often trying to forget themselves in jests, laughter, +and gossip, planning, meanwhile, in odd moments, for some snatch at +the few pleasures that their brief evenings permitted--pleasures, +too often, in which Mildred could or would take no part. While her +gentleness and courtesy to all gave no cause for hostility, her +air of quiet aloofness and her recognized superiority prevented +her from becoming a favorite, nor did the many admiring looks and +even open advances that she received from the young men in the +store, and occasionally from customers, add to her popularity. The +male clerks soon found, however, that beyond the line warranted by +their mutual duties she was utterly unapproachable, and not a few +of them united in the view held by the girls, that she was "stuck +up"; but since she was not in the least above her business, no one +could complain openly. + +As one long, exceedingly busy and weary day was drawing to a close, +however, she received a sharp reprimand. A gentleman had agreed +to meet his wife at the shop as he came up town, in order that +they might together make provision for Christmas. The lady having +nearly accomplished her round, and having proved herself a liberal +purchaser, she was naturally accompanied toward the door by a very +amiable foreman, who was profuse in his thanks. Suddenly it occurred +to her that she would look at the laces, and she approached Mildred, +who, in a momentary respite, was leaning back against the shelves +with closed eyes, weary beyond all words of description. + +"Will you please wake that young woman up," the lady remarked, a +little sharply. + +This the foreman did, in a way that brought what little blood the +poor girl had left into her face. The shopper sat down on the plush +seat before the counter, and was soon absorbed in the enticing wares, +while her husband stood beside her and stole sidelong glances at +the weary but beautiful face of the saleswoman. + +"Jupiter Ammon," he soliloquized mentally, "but she is pretty! +If that flush would only last, she'd be beautiful; but she's too +pale and fagged for that--out to a ball last night, I imagine. She +don't even notice that a man's admiring her--proof, indeed, that +she must have danced till near morning, if not worse. What lives +these girls lead, if half the stories are true! I'd like to see that +one rested, fresh, and becomingly dressed. She'd make a sensation +in a Fifth Avenue drawing-room if she had the sense to keep her +mouth shut, and not show her ignorance and underbreeding." + +But he was growing impatient, and at last said, "Oh, come, my dear, +you've bought enough to break me already. We'll be late for dinner." + +The lady rose reluctantly, and remarked, "Well, I think I'll come +and look at these another day," and they were bowed out of the +door. + +"You must be more alert," said the foreman, imperatively, to Mildred. +"These people are among the best and wealthiest in town." + +"I'll try," was the meek answer. + +The gentleman had hardly reached the sidewalk, however, before +all his chivalry and indignation were aroused. Under the press of +Christmas times a drayman had overloaded his cart, and the horse was +protesting in his dumb way by refusing to budge an inch; meanwhile +the owner proved himself scarcely equal to the animal he drove by +furious blows and curses, which were made all the more reckless by +his recent indulgence in liquor. + +The poor beast soon found many champions, and foremost among them +was the critic of the weary shop-girl, who had suffered more that +day than the horse was capable of suffering in his lifetime. The +distinguished citizen, justly irate, I grant, sent his wife home +in their carriage, and declared that he would neither eat nor sleep +until he had seen the brute--the drayman, not the horse--arrested +and looked up, and he kept his word. + +Much later, the wronged and tortured human creature of whom he had +surmised evil, and on whom he had bestowed at best only a little +cynical admiration, crept home with steps that faltered, burdened +with a heaviness of heart and a weariness of body which could be +measured only by the pitiful eye of Him who carries the world's +sins and sorrows. + +The rescued horse munched his oats in stolid tranquillity, the woman +raised to heaven her eyes, beneath which were dark, dark lines, +and murmured, "O God, how long?" + + + + +CHAPTER XXIX + +THE BEATITUDES OF OPIUM + + +At least once each week Roger took Belle to some evening entertainment, +selecting places that, while innocent, were in keeping with their +years--full of color, life, and interest. The young girl improved +at once, as the result of this moderate gratification of a craving +that was as proper as it was natural. The sense of being restricted +and arbitrarily shut away from the pleasures belonging to her youth +no longer worked like a subtle and evil ferment in her mind. The +repressed and unhappy are in tenfold more danger from temptation +than those who feel they are having their share of life's good. +The stream that cannot flow in the sunshine seeks a subterranean +channel, and in like manner when circumstances, or the inconsiderate +will of others, impose unrelenting restraint upon the exuberant +spirit of youth, it usually finds some hidden outlet which cannot +bear the light. Until Roger came, circumstances had restricted +Belle within such a narrow and colorless life, and she was growing +very discontented with her lot--a dangerous tendency. Through all +this long ordeal her mother and Mildred had retained her sympathy, +for she knew that they were not to blame, and that they were right in +protesting against all acquaintances and amusements which involved +danger. Now that she and Roger occasionally had a merry time +together, and a confidential chat on Sunday, she accepted her long +days of toil without complaint. + +The wholesome and tonic influence of a few hours of positive and +unalloyed enjoyment in a busy or burdened life is properly estimated +by a very few. Multitudes would preach better, live better, do more +work and die much later, could they find some innocent recreation +to which they could often give themselves up with something of the +wholehearted abandon of a child. + +Belle now had pleasures to look forward to, or some bright scene to +live over again, and, were it not for her sympathy for her sister +and anxiety on her father's behalf, her brow would have been serene. + +To Mildred, however, the days were growing darker and the way more +thorny. She was gaining only in the power of endurance; she was +unconsciously developing the trait that bade fair to become the +keynote of her life--fidelity. It was her absolute loyalty to her +long-cherished love that prevented her from accepting invitations +to go with Belle and Roger. Through all disguises she saw that the +latter was a lover and not a friend, and while she had learned to +respect him much more, she shrank from him none the less. True, +therefore, to her womanly instincts, and pathetically patient with +a life full of pain and weariness, she faltered on toward a future +that seemed to promise less and less. Roger did not need to be +told by Belle of Mildred's burdened life, although the young girl +did speak of it often with sad and indignant emphasis. "Beautiful +Millie, who would grace the finest house in the city," she said, +"is as much out of place in this life as if a gazelle were made to +do the work of a cart-horse. It's just killing her." + +"It's not the work that's harming her so much as the accursed +brutality which permits more cruelty to white women than was ever +inflicted on black slaves. If the shopkeepers owned these girls +who serve their counters they would provide them seats instantly, +on the same principle that some of your Southern people, who had +no humanity, cared well for their human property; but these fellows +know that when a girl breaks down they can take their pick from +twenty applicants the next morning. If I could scalp a few of these +woman-murderers, I'd sleep better to-night. Oh, Belle, Belle, ii you +knew how it hurts me to see such advantage taken of Miss Mildred! +I sometimes walk the streets for hours chafing and raging about +it, and yet any expression of my sympathy would only add to her +distress. You must never speak to her of me, Belle, except in a +casual way, when you cannot help it, for only as I keep aloof, even +from her thoughts, can she tolerate me at all." + +"Be patient, Roger. Millie is unlike many girls, and wants only +one lover. Now I'd like half a dozen, more or less, generally more. +She's too infatuated with that weakling, Vinton Arnold, to care for +any one else. And to think he hasn't sent her one reassuring word +since last summer! There isn't enough of him to cast a shadow. +Catch me moping after such a dim outline of a man! But it's just +like Millie. If he'd only vanish into thin air she might give him +up, and perhaps he has." + +"No, he's in Europe, and has been there ever since he left the hotel +at Forestville. I learned the fact the other day. He's living in +luxury and idleness, while the girl who loves him is earning her +bread in a way that's infernal in its cruelty." + +"How did you find that out?" Belle asked quickly. + +"It was in no mean or underhand way, and no knowledge of my inquiries +will ever reach him. I thought she'd like to know, however, and you +can tell her, but give her no hint of the source of your information." + +"Who told you?" was Mildred's prompt response to Belle's news that +night, while a sudden bloom in her pale face showed how deeply the +tidings interested her. + +"No matter how I learned the fact," replied Belle a little brusquely; +"it's true. He wouldn't lift his little finger to keep you from +starving." + +"You wrong him," cried Mildred passionately; "and I don't wish +you ever to speak of him again. I know who told you: it was Roger +Atwood, and I wish he would leave me and my affairs alone. He is +singularly stupid and ill-bred to meddle in such a matter." + +"He has not meddled," retorted Belle indignantly, and wholly off +her guard; "he thought you might like to know the truth, and he +learned it in a way that left no trace. When you are in the streets +you are always looking for Mr. Arnold (it's a pity he wasn't doing +a little looking, too), and now your mind can be at ease. He isn't +sick or dead; he's entirely safe and having a good time, faring +sumptuously every day, while you are dying by inches for little +more than bread and a nook in a tenement-house. I don't care what +you say, I detest such a man." + +Mildred's overtaxed nerves gave way at Belle's harsh and prosaic +words, and throwing herself on her couch she sobbed so bitterly that +the inconsiderate child, in deep compunction, coaxed and pleaded +with her not "to take it so hard," and ended by crying in sympathy, +almost as heartily as Mildred herself. The latter was completely +disarmed of her anger by Belle's feelings, and, indeed, as she came +to think it all over, it did not seem so like desertion on Arnold's +part, since he might have written from Europe and the letter have +failed to reach her. That he should have been in New York all +this time and have made no effort to find her would seem heartless +indeed. At any rate, with her rare fidelity and faith, she would +believe nothing against him without absolute proof. + +But of Roger Atwood she thought resentfully, "He reads my very +thoughts. He has seen me looking for Vinton half-unconsciously when +in the streets. He keeps himself in the background, and no doubt +thinks himself very distant and considerate; but I can scarcely turn +in any direction but I see his shadow, or meet with some indication +that he is watching and waiting." + +There was more truth in her words than she half suspected. His duties +required that he should be down town very early in the morning, +but he was usually released in the afternoon, for his uncle tacitly +humored his desire for study. Scarcely an evening elapsed that the +young man did not pass and repass the shop in which Mildred was +employed, for through the lighted windows he could see the object +of his thoughts unobserved, and not infrequently he followed her +as she wearily returned homeward, and his heart ached with the +impotent desire to lighten the burdens of her life. He feared that +she would never accept of his watchful care or thank him for it; +but love is its own reward, and impels to action that does not well +stand the test of the world's prosaic judgment. Beyond this brief +and furtive gratification of his passion, he lost no time in sighing +or sentiment, but bent his mind to his tasks with such well-directed +and persistent energy that the commission merchant occasionally +nodded significantly; for, in accordance with his habit, he took +counsel of no one except himself. + +It was Roger's hope that, eventually, Mildred, for her own sake, +could be persuaded to accompany Belle on some of their pursuits +of evening recreation, and he suggested that the latter should +persistently try to induce her to go, saying that her health and +success in the future required more change and cheerfulness; but +Mildred always said "No," with a quiet emphasis which admitted of +no argument. + +In truth, when evening came she was too weary to go with him or +with any one else, and the first Sunday after her duties at the shop +began she could not be present at the chapel and meet her class. + +Mr. Wentworth called, fearing she was ill. She explained in part, and +he was quick to understand. His brow darkened in such a frown that +the poor girl grew frightened, and began: "Indeed, Mr. Wentworth, +do not judge me harshly, or think that I let a trifle keep me--" + +Then he awakened to her misapprehension, and coming directly to +her side he took her hand, with a face so kind, so full of deep, +strong sympathy, that her eyes filled at once. + +"My poor child," he said, "could you imagine I was frowning at +you?--brave little soldier that you are, braver and stronger in your +way and place than I in mine. God bless you, no. I felt savage to +think that in this nineteenth century, and right under the shadow +of our church spires, this diabolical cruelty is permitted to go +on year after year. Oh, I know all about it, Miss Mildred; you are +not the first one by hundreds and hundreds. I wish I could give you +more than sympathy, and that some other way would open--we must +find some other way for you--but you have no idea how many are +worse off in these bad times than you are--worthy people who are +willing to work, but cannot get work. If it seems to you that I +cannot do very much for you, remember that there are scores who, +for the time, seem to have no resources at all. I trust you may +soon hear such tidings from your father as will bring relief to +both body and mind. And now, my child, don't let a morbid conscience +add to your burdens. When you are as greatly in need of rest as you +were last Sunday, don't come to the chapel. I'll take your class, +or find a substitute." + +In a few minutes he was gone; but they were not alone, for he had +made them conscious of One who is touched with the feeling of our +infirmities. + +How was the absent husband and father fulfilling the hopes that +daily turned to him, but found no reward? He was literally writhing +under chains that, to his horror, he could not break. He had found +on shipboard that sudden and complete abstinence irom the drug +brought a torture of mind and body that he could not endure, and +now he was learning, in sickening fear, that he could not gradually +reduce his daily allowance below a certain point without immediate +sufferings beyond his fortitude to sustain. + +The room in the Inquisition, whose circular walls, studded with +long, sharp spikes, gradually closed upon and pierced the victim, +had its spiritual counterpart in his present condition. He was shut +in on every side. If he made a push for liberty by abstaining from +the drug, he was met and driven back by many nameless agonies. He +seemed to recoil, inevitably, as if from steel barbs. Meanwhile +the walls were closing in upon him. In order to prevent life from +being a continuous burden, in order to maintain even the semblance +of strength and manhood, so that he might have some chance of finding +employment, he had to increase the quantity of morphia daily; but +each succeeding indulgence brought nearer the hour when the drug +would produce pain--pain only, and death. After a week or two of +futile and spasmodic effort he drifted on in the old way, occasionally +suffering untold agony in remorse and self-loathing, but stifling +conscience, memory, and reason, as far as possible, by continuous +stimulation. + +His quest of employment was naturally unsuccessful. The South was +impoverished. Weak from the wounds of war, and the deeper enervation +of a system that had poisoned her life for generations, she had +not yet begun to rally. There was not enough business in the city +for the slow and nerveless hands of its citizens, therefore there +was little prospect for a new-comer, unless he had the capital and +energy to create activity in the midst of stagnation. A few were +slightly imposed upon at first by Mr. Jocelyn's exalted moods, +and believed that he might do great things if he were given the +chance; but they soon recognized that he was unsound and visionary, +broaching plans and projects that varied widely with each succeeding +interview. The greater number of his former friends and acquaintances +were scattered or dead, and those who remembered him had their hands +too full to do more than say a good word for him--saying it, too, +more and more faintly as they saw how broken and untrustworthy he +was. The story of his behavior on the ship, and correct surmises +of the true cause of his manner and appearance, soon became current +in business circles, and the half-pitying, half-contemptuous manner +of those with whom he came in contact at last made it clear, even +to his clouded mind, that further effort would be utterly useless. + +Meanwhile his habit now began to inflict a punishment that often +seemed beyond endurance. The increased quantities of morphia with +which he sought to sustain himself, combined with his anxiety, +remorse, and solicitude for his family and his own future, filled +the hours of darkness with one long nightmare of horror. His +half-sleeping visions were more vivid and real than the scenes of +day. From some harrowing illusion he would start up with a groan +or cry, only to relapse a few moments later into an apparent +situation more appalling and desperate. + +The earth would open and swallow him in fathomless darkness; then he +was on a ship caught in a maelstrom and whirled down with a speed +imaginable only by a mind as disordered and morbid as his own. +Panting, struggling, drenched with a cold perspiration, he would +struggle back into a brief and miserable consciousness. With scarcely +any respite his diseased imagination would seize him again, and now +the ship, with tattered sails and broken masts, would be becalmed +in the centre of a cyclone. All around him was the whirling tornado +from which the vessel had passed into awful silence and deceptive +peace. Although viewless, a resistless volume was circling round +him, a revolving torrent of air that might at any second make its +existence known by wrenching the ship in some direction with such +violence as to destroy it at once. When would the awful suspense +be over, and the cyclone, with a peal of thunder through the rigging, +again lay its frenzied grasp on the ill-fated ship? In unspeakable +dread he seemed to spring from the deck in the hope of ending all, +and would find himself gasping on his couch, which vice had made +a place of torture, nor rest. + +But the visions which most shook his soul were those connected with +his wife and children. He saw them starving; he saw them turned +into the street, mocked and gibed at by every passer-by. He saw +them locked up in prison-cells, under the charge of jailers that +were half brute, half fiend; he saw Fred and Minnie carried off +by an Italian padrone to a den reeking with filth, and loud with +oaths and obscenity. With a hoarse shout of rage he would spring +up to avert blows that were bruising their little forms; he saw +his wife turn her despairing eyes from heaven and curse the hour of +their union; he saw Mildred, writhing and resisting, dragged from +her home by great dark hands that were claws rather than hands; +worse than all, he saw Belle, dressed in colors that seemed woven +from stains of blood, stealing out under the cover of night with +eyes like livid coals. + +Such are the beatific visions that opium bestows, having once +enchained its victims. Little wonder that, after spending nights +upon a poisoned rack, Mr. Jocelyn was in no condition to meet his +fellow-men and win their confidence. + +The dark thought crossed his mind more than once that he had better +never return home--that, since he had lost his manhood, life had +better go too; but in these darkest and most desperate moments the +face of his wife would rise before him, and from her white lips +came the cry, "No! no! no!" with such agonized intensity that he +was restrained. + +Moreover, he had not given up hope altogether, and he determined +to return, and, unknown to his family, consult his old physician, +who had inadvertently led him into this terrible dilemma, and +adjure him to undo his work. He might aid in concealing the truth +from those from whom, of all others, the unhappy man would hide +his shame. This seemed his one last chance. + + + + +CHAPTER XXX + +THE SECRET VICE REVEALED + + +On the day preceding Christmas, late in the afternoon, Roger Atwood +boarded a steamer which had just arrived from a Southern city. +His uncle, the commission merchant, was expecting a consignment of +tropical fruits, and as the young man stood among others waiting +to see the freight clerk, he overheard one of the vessel's officers +remark, "His name is Jocelyn--so papers on his person indicate--and +he must be sent to a hospital as soon as possible." + +Advancing promptly to the speaker, Roger said, "I overheard your +remark, sir, and think I know the gentleman to whom you refer. If +I am right, I will take him to his family immediately." + +The officer acted with such alacrity as to prove that he was very +glad to get the sick man off his hands, and Roger noted the fact. +A moment later he saw Martin Jocelyn, sadly changed for the worse, +and lying unconscious in a berth. + +"I am right, I am very sorry to say," Roger said, after a moment, +with a long, deep breath. "This will be a terrible shock to his +family." + +"Do you think he is dying?" the officer asked. + +"I don't know. I will bring a physician and take Mr. Jocelyn home +on one condition--that our consignment of produce is delivered at +once. I must be absent, and my employer's interests must not suffer +in consequence. I am doing you a favor, and you must return it just +as promptly." + +The freight clerk was summoned, and Roger was assured that +his uncle's consignment should take the precedence as fast as it +could be reached. The young man then hastened to find the nearest +physician, stopping a moment at his place of business to give a +hurried explanation of his course. Mr. Atwood listened in silence, +and nodded merely; but, as Roger hastened away, he muttered, "This +mixing himself up with other people's troubles isn't very shrewd, +but his making capital out of it so that my consignment will all +be delivered to-night is--well, we'll call it even. He's no fool." + +The physician was rather young and inexperienced, and he pronounced +Mr. Jocelyn's trouble to be congestion of the brain. He agreed +to go with Roger to the old mansion and do what he could for the +patient, although holding out slight hope of recovery. + +"She is learning to associate me with misfortune, and will dread my +presence as if I were a bird of ill-omen," Roger groaned mentally, +as he recalled the several miserable occasions which, in the mind +of Mildred, were inseparably connected with himself; "but some +day--SOME DAY, if I have to strive for a lifetime--she shall also +learn that it is not I who bring the trouble." + +Christmas comes at the darkest and dreariest season of the year, +making short, cold days, and longer, colder nights the holiday +season, just as He, whose birth the day commemorates, comes to +human hearts in the darkest and coldest hours of desolation. Even +in the great city there were few homes so shadowed by poverty and +sorrow that they were not brightened by some indications of the +hallowed time. The old mansion, that once may have been embowered +in evergreens, was again filled with the aromatic breath of the +forest, for Roger had commissioned a friend in the country to send +so large a supply to Belle that she was embarrassed with riches of +hemlock, laurel, and pine, which, although given away prodigally, +left enough to transform their rooms into the aspect of bowers. Since +they had not money for toys, they could make the Christmas-tide a +time of wonder and delight to Fred and Minnie in this inexpensive +way, and Mildred, who would naturally shrink from the wild mountain +home of the evergreen boughs, found in weaving and arranging them +into tasteful decorations a pleasure alloyed by only one thought--she +was indebted for it to Roger Atwood, the silent yet determined +rival of the man she loved. Though he buried his feeling in such +profound silence, and hid all manifestation so carefully that even +her intuition could not lay hold of any one thing, and say, "This +proves it," she nevertheless felt the presence of his love, and +sometimes thought she felt it all the more because of its strong +repression. It almost vexed her that he made no advances, and gave +her nothing to resent, while all the time he was seeking her with +the whole force of his will, or at least waiting for some possibility +of the future. When Belle proposed that he should help decorate their +living-room, since they, at this season, had only the remnants of +evenings to give, and were wearied, too, almost beyond the power +for extra effort, she felt that for Belle's sake she ought not +to object, and that for her own sake she could not, so scrupulous +had been the quiet, distant respect with which he had treated her. +When he came he seemed to anticipate her thoughts and to obey her +wishes in the arrangement of the greenery, even before she spoke, +so keen was his observation and quick his sympathy with her mind. + +These very facts increased her prejudice and dislike. He was too +clever, too keen-sighted and appreciative. Had he been indifferent +toward her, and not so observant, she would have soon learned to +like him and enjoy his society, for he had a bright, piquant way of +talking, and was seldom at a loss for words. In fact, he had plenty +of ideas, and was fast gaining more. One reason why Mildred shrank +from him in strengthening repulsion was because, in his absorbing +interest and his quick comprehension of her thought and feeling, +he came too near. Without intending it, and in spite of himself, +he intruded on her woman's privacy; for no matter how careful he +might be, or how guarded she was in words or manner, she felt that +he understood what was in her mind. Her natural impulse, therefore, +was to shun his presence and suppress her own individuality when +she could not escape him, for only an answering affection on her +part could make such understanding appreciation acceptable. + +Roger was not long in guessing quite accurately how he stood in +her thoughts, and he was often much depressed. As he had said to +Clara Bute, he had a downright dislike to contend against, and this +might not change with his success. And now it was his misfortune to +become associated in her mind with another painful event--perhaps +a fatal one. She might thank him sincerely for his kindness and +the trouble he had taken in their behalf, but, all the same, deep +in her heart, the old aversion would be strengthened. + +"That invertebrate, Arnold," he muttered, "represents to her +the old, happy life; I, her present life, and it's my luck always +to appear when things are at their worst. After to-night she will +shudder with apprehension whenever she sees me. What WILL become +of them if Mr. Jocelyn dies!" + +Full of forebodings and distress at the shock and sorrow impending +over those in whom he was so deeply interested, he and the physician +placed Mr. Jocelyn in a covered express wagon that was improvised +into an ambulance, and drove up town as rapidly as they dared. + +In response to a low knock Mrs. Jocelyn opened the door, and the +white, troubled face of Roger announced evil tidings before a word +was spoken. + +"My husband!" she gasped, sinking into a chair. + +The young man knelt beside her and said, "Mrs. Jocelyn, his life +may depend on your courage and fortitude." + +He had touched the right chord, and, after a momentary and +half-convulsive sob, she rose quietly, and said, "Tell me what to +do--tell me the worst." + +"I have brought him with me, and I have a physician also. I found +him on a steamer, by accident. They were about to send him to a +hospital, but I was sure you would want him brought home." + +"Oh, yes--God bless you--bring him, bring him quick." + +"Courage. Good nursing will prevent the worst." + +Roger hastened back to the patient, stopping on the way only long +enough to ask Mrs. Wheaton to go to Mrs. Jocelyn's room instantly, +and then, with the physician's aid, he carried the unconscious man +to his room, and laid him on his bed. + +"Oh, Martin! Martin!" moaned the wife, "how changed, how changed! +Oh, God! he's dying." + +"I hope not, madam," said the physician; "at any rate we must all +keep our self-possession and do our best. While there is life there +is hope." + +With dilated eyes, and almost fierce repression of all aid from +other hands, she took the clothing from the limp and wasted form. + +"He IS dying," she moaned; "see how unnatural his eyes are; the +pupils are almost gone. Oh, God! why did I let him go from me when +he was so ill!" + +"Would you not like Belle and Miss Mildred summoned at once?" Roger +asked. + +"Yes, yes, they ought to be here now; every moment may be precious, +and he may become conscious." + +"At the same time I would like you to call on Dr. Benton in +Twenty-third Street," added the physician. "He is a friend of mine, +and has had much experience. In so serious a case I would like to +consult him." + +Roger, while on his way to Dr. Benton's office, passed a livery-stable +with a coach standing just within the door, and he at once resolved +that the weary girls should not be exhausted by flying home in +terror-stricken haste. He took the carriage, obtained the physician, +and explained to him what had happened while on the way to the shop +in which Belle was employed. It was Christmas-eve, and the store +was still crowded with eleventh-hour purchasers, on whom the weary +child was waiting in a jaded, mechanical way. Her vacant look and +the dark lines under her eyes proved how exhausted she was; but +at the sight of Roger a flash of light and pleasure came into her +face, and then his expression caused it to fade into extreme pallor. + +"What is it?" she asked, turning from a garrulous customer. + +"Don't be alarmed; get your things and come with me. I will make +it all right with your employer." + +"Belle," he said, when they were by the carriage door, "you must +be a brave woman to-night. Your father is home, and he is very ill. +Perhaps his life depends on quiet and freedom from all excitement. +Dr Benton, an experienced physician, is in the carriage, and will +go with us. You must tell your sister--I cannot." + +If Belle had been herself she would not have failed him; but, +after the long strain of the day, she became completely unnerved at +his tidings, and sobbed almost hysterically. She could not control +herself sufficiently to enter the shop where Mildred stood, unconscious +of the approaching shadow, and so the heavy task of breaking the +news fell upon Roger. "If Belle, naturally so strong, was white +and faint from the long, toilsome day, how wan and ghost-like poor +Mildred will appear!" was his thought as he sprang to the sidewalk. + +They were closing up, and the discipline of the shop was over. +Instead of pallor, there was an angry crimson in Mildred's cheeks, +and an indignant fire in her eyes. She evidently was deeply incensed, +and her companions apparently were as greatly amused. When she saw +Roger the crimson deepened in her face, her brow knitted in strong +vexation, and she went on with her task of putting the goods under +her charge in order, as if she had not seen him; but the thought +flashed through her mind: "Oh that he were to me what he is to +Belle! Then he might punish my insolent persecutor, but he's the +last one in the world to whom I can appeal. Oh, where's papa?" + +"Miss Jocelyn--" + +"Don't you see you have another beau?" whispered one of her companions +as she passed out. "You won't treat this one with words and manner +that are the same as a slap in the face, for he's too good-looking." + +She paid no heed to the gibe, for the young man's tone was significant, +and she had lifted her eyes to his with eager questioning. His +grave, sad face banished the flush from hers instantly. + +"Miss Jocelyn," Roger began again, in a low tone, "you have already +learned to associate me with painful experiences. I cannot help +it. But this, my misfortune, is nothing; you must nerve yourself +for anxiety that will test even your strength. Your father is home, +and ill. I will not explain further before strangers. Belle and a +physician are awaiting you in the carriage." + +How quiet and measured were his words; but even in her distress +she was painfully conscious that the slight tremor in his voice +was the low vibration of a feeling whose repressed intensity would +sooner or later break forth. Beyond a momentary shrinking from what +seemed to her but well-mastered vehemence, she gave him no thought +in her overwhelming solicitude. + +Scarcely a moment elapsed before she joined him at the door. As +he placed her in the carriage he said, "Dr. Benton will explain to +you what has happened." + +"Roger--" sobbed Belle, but he sprang on the box with the driver, +and in a few moments they were at the door of the old mansion. + +"Dr. Benton," said the young man, "will you please accompany Miss +Jocelyn? After the fatigue of the day and the shock of this evening +she will need your support," and he saw that she leaned heavily on +the physician's arm. + +Having dismissed the carriage, he found Belle leaning against the +side of the house, faint and trembling. The young athlete lifted +her in his arms and bore her steadily and easily to the doorway, +and then again up the winding stairway. "Belle," he whispered, "if +you lose your father you shall at least have a brother." + +She entwined her arm about his neck in mute acceptance of the +relationship. Her every breath was a low sob, and she could not +then tell him how his words reassured her, taking away, in part, +the almost overwhelming terror of being left unprotected in the +world. + +During Mr. Jocelyn's absence his family had tried to banish from +their minds the memory of his weakness, and thus they had come to +think of him again as the strong, cheerful, genial man they had +known all their lives. The months preceding his departure were like +a hateful dream. It had been a dearly cherished hope that, after +breathing his native air for a few weeks, he would return the same +frank, clear-eyed, clear-brained man that had won his way, even +among strangers, after the wreck and ruin of the war. To him their +thoughts had turned daily, in the hope of release from toil that +was often torture, and from anxieties that filled every waking hour +with foreboding. + +How bitter the disappointment then, and how terrible the shock, +as they now looked upon his prostrate form, meagre, shrunken, and +almost lifeless! Instead of the full, dark eyes that had beamed +mirthfully and lovingly for so many years, there was an unnatural +contraction of the pupils which rendered them almost invisible. +His once healthful complexion was now livid, or rather of a leaden, +bluish hue; his respirations stertorous and singularly deliberate. + +"He is dying," Mildred moaned; "he is far, far away from us, even +now. Oh, if we could have but one look, one sign of farewell!" + +Belle and Mrs. Jocelyn became almost helpless with grief, for it +did not seem possible to them that he could rally. "Oh, why did I +let him go--why did I let him go!" was the wife's remorseful and +often-repeated question. + +The elderly and experienced physician whom Roger had brought ignored +with professional indifference the grief-stricken household, and +was giving his whole mind to the study of the case. After examining +the pupils of Mr. Jocelyn's eyes, taking his temperature, and +counting his pulse, he looked at his associate and shook his head +significantly. Roger, who stood in the background, saw that Dr. +Benton did not accept the young physician's diagnosis. A moment +later Dr. Benton bared the patient's arm and pointed to many small +scars, some old and scarcely visible, and others recent and slightly +inflamed. The young practitioner then apparently understood him, +for he said, "This is both worse and better than I feared." + +"Worse, worse," growled Dr. Benton. + +"What do you mean?" asked Mrs. Jocelyn, more dead than alive. + +"Madam," began Dr. Benton very gravely, "have you never seen your +husband using a little instrument like this?" and he produced from +his pocket a hypodermic syringe. + +"Never," was the perplexed and troubled reply. + +The physician smiled a little satirically, and remarked, in a low +aside, "I hope the drug has not affected the whole family. It's +next to impossible to get at the truth in these cases." + +"Do you think he will die?" was her agonized query. + +"No, madam, we can soon bring him around, I think, and indeed he +would probably have come out of this excess unaided; but he had +better die than continue his excessive use of morphia. I can scarcely +conceive how you could have remained ignorant of the habit." + +Mildred bowed her head in her hands with a low, despairing cry, for +a flash of lurid light now revealed and explained all that had been +so strange and unaccountable. The terrible secret was now revealed, +as far as she was able to comprehend it--her father was an opium +inebriate, and this was but the stupor of a debauch! The thought +of his death had been terrible, but was not this worse? She lifted +her face in a swift glance at Roger, and saw him looking at her +with an expression, that was full of the strongest sympathy, and +something more. She coldly averted her eyes, and a slow, deep flush +of shame rose to her face, "Never shall I endure a humiliation but +he will witness it, and be a part of it," was her bitter thought. + +The physicians meanwhile changed their treatment, and were busy with +professional nonchalance. Mrs. Jocelyn was at first too bewildered +by their words and manner to do more than look at them, with hands +clasping and unclasping in nervous apprehension, and with eyes full +of deep and troubled perplexity. Then, as the truth grew clearer, +that a reflection had been made upon her own and her husband's +truth, she rose unsteadily to her feet, and said, with a pathetic +attempt at dignity, "I scarcely understand you, and fear that you +as little understand my husband's condition. He never concealed +anything from me. He has been unfortunate and in failing health +for months, and that is all. I fear, from your cruel and unjust +surmises, that you do not know what you are doing, and that you +are destroying his slender chances for life." + +"Do you wish to discharge us, then?" was Dr. Benton's brusque +response. He was a man of unusual skill, but blunt and unsympathetic, +especially in cases wherein he suspected deception--an element +almost inseparable from the morphia habit. The victim is almost +invariably untruthful, and the family not unfrequently hide the +whole truth in the desire to shield the disgraceful weakness. Dr. +Benton was too familiar with these facts to be easily moved, but +when the sad-hearted wife clasped her hands and cried, in tones +that would touch the coldest heart, "I wish him to live, for his +death would be far worse than death to us all," the physician said +kindly, "There, there, Mrs. Jocelyn, I have seen many cases like +this. Your husband will live, and will soon be able to speak to you. +If you then can induce him to leave morphia alone, he may become +as sound a man as ever." + +Mildred put her arm around her mother and drew her into her room, +closing the door. + +A few moments later Roger heard the wife's passionate protest, "I +do not believe it--I will never believe it." Then Dr. Benton said +to him, "Here, young man, run to my house for an electric battery." + +When he returned Mr. Jocelyn was coming slowly out of his deep coma, +and his appearance was changing rapidly for the better. There was +a deep, indignant flush on Mrs. Jocelyn's face, and she took Roger +aside and said earnestly, "Never believe the lies you have heard +here to-night. I know that you will never repeat them." + +"Never, Mrs. Jocelyn." + +But Mildred was pale and almost stony in her cold, calm aspect; +her heart, in her desperation, was hard toward every one. Belle had +not comprehended the truth at all, having been too much overwhelmed +by her emotions to heed the earlier remarks of the physicians, and +Mildred had said to them significantly and almost sternly, "There +is no need of giving your diagnosis any further publicity." + +Dr. Benton had then looked at her more attentively, and muttered, +"An unusual girl; more's the pity." + +"Mr. Atwood," Mildred began, a few moments after his entrance, +"we thank you for your aid in this painful emergency, but we need +trouble you no further. Papa is rallying fast. I will thank you to +inform me of all the expense which you have incurred in our behalf +at your earliest convenience." + +"Mildred," interposed Mrs. Jocelyn, suddenly appearing from beside +her husband's couch, the unwonted fire still burning in her usually +gentle eyes, "I cannot permit Mr. Atwood to be dismissed so coldly. +He has been a true friend in the most terrible emergency of our +lives. I must have a strong, kind hand to sustain me now that my +husband, my life, has been foully slandered in his own home." + +Belle, in even greater terror of being left alone, clung to his +arm, and said, "He cannot leave us--he has made me a promise this +night which will keep him here." + +With a troubled and deprecating look at Mildred, Roger replied, "I +will not fail you, Mrs. Jocelyn, nor you, Belle; but there is no +further need of my intruding on your privacy. I shall be within +call all night." + +"He can stay in my room," said Mrs. Wheaton, who, although aiding +the physicians, could not help overhearing the conversation. + +"No, he shall stay here," cried Belle passionately; "I'm so unnerved +that I'm almost beside myself, and he quiets me and makes me feel +safer. Millie has no right to show her prejudice at such a time." + +Mildred, white and faint, sank into a chair by the table and buried +her face in her arms, leaving the young fellow in sore perplexity +as to what course he ought to take. He believed the physicians were +right, and yet Mrs. Jocelyn had taken it for granted that he shared +her faith in her husband's truth, and he knew she would banish +him from her presence instantly should he betray a doubt as to the +correctness of her view. At the same time the expression of his face +had shown Mildred that he understood her father's condition even +better than she did. It seemed impossible to perform the difficult +and delicate part required of him, but with love's loyalty he +determined to do what he imagined the young girl would wish, and +he said firmly, "Belle, I again assure you that you can depend +upon my promise to the utmost. Mrs Jocelyn, my respect for you is +unbounded, and the privilege of serving you is the best reward I +crave. At the same time I feel that it is neither right nor delicate +for me to witness sorrows that are so sacred. My part is to help, +and not look on, and I can help just as well if within call all the +time. Belle," he whispered, "dear Belle, I know you are unnerved by +weeks of overwork as well as by this great trouble, but be a brave +little woman once more, and all may soon be well," and he was about +to withdraw when Dr. Benton appeared and said: + +"Mrs. Jocelyn, your husband is now out of all immediate danger, +but everything depends upon his future treatment. I wish this young +man to remain a little longer, for you must now decide upon what +course you will take. We have been called in an emergency. There +is no need that I should remain any longer, for the physician who +accompanied him here is now amply competent to attend to the case. +You have, however, expressed lack of confidence in us, and may +wish to send for your own physician. If so, this young man can go +for him at once. I can prove to you in two minutes that I am right, +and I intend to do so; then my responsibility ceases. Everything +depends on your intelligent and firm co-operation with whatever +physician has charge of the case, and it is no kindness to leave +you under a delusion that does your heart more credit than your +head or eyes." + +He stepped back through the curtained doorway, and returned with her +husband's vest, from an inner pocket of which he took a hypodermic +syringe, a bottle of Magendie's solution, and also another vial of +the sulphate of morphia. + +"I am an old physician," he resumed, "and know your husband's +symptoms as well as you know his face. His possession of these +articles should confirm my words. The slight scars upon his arms +and elsewhere were made by this little instrument, as I can show +you if you will come and observe--" + +His medical logic was interrupted by a low cry from the stricken +wife, and then she fainted dead away. + +Mildred, on the contrary, stepped forward, with a pale, stern +face, and said, "I will take charge of these," and she, carried +the agents of their ruin to her own room. Instantly she returned, +and assisted Mrs. Wheaton in the restoration of her mother. + +To Belle, who had looked on dazed, trembling, and bewildered, Roger +whispered, "I shall be within call all night." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXI + +AN OPIUM MANIAC'S CHRISTMAS + + +Beneath his brusque manner Dr. Benton masked a kind heart when +once its sympathies were touched. He soon became satisfied that Mr. +Jocelyn's family were not trying to shield his patient, but were, +on the contrary, overwhelmed with dismay and shame at the truth +which he had made clear to them. He therefore set about helping +them, in his own prosaic but effective way, and he did not leave +them until they were all as well and quiet as the dread circumstances +of the situation permitted. Opium slaves are subject to accidents +like that which had overtaken Mr. Jocelyn, who, through heedlessness +or while half unconscious, had taken a heavy overdose, or else +had punctured a vein with his syringe. Not infrequently habitues +carelessly, recklessly, and sometimes deliberately end their wretched +lives in this manner. Dr. Benton knew well that his patient was in +no condition to enter upon any radical curative treatment, and it +was his plan to permit the use of the drug for a few days, seeking +meanwhile to restore as far as possible his patient's shattered +system, and then gain the man's honest and hearty co-operation in +the terrible ordeal essential to health and freedom. If Mr. Jocelyn +had not the nerve and will-power to carry out his treatment--which +he much doubted--he would advise that he be induced to go to an +institution where the will of others could enforce the abstinence +required. He believed that Mr. Jocelyn would consent to this, when +convinced of his inability to endure the ordeal in his own strength. +Having explained his intentions and hopes to Mrs. Jocelyn and +Mildred, he left them cast down indeed, but not utterly devoid of +hope. + +It seemed to them that the husband and father must renounce +the fatal habit at once, in response to their appeals. They could +not understand that it was already beyond his power to break his +chains--that they must be broken by other hands, if broken at all. + +It may well be doubted if the light of Christmas day dawned on a +sadder household than that which was sheltered in the old mansion. +Worn and exhausted to the last degree, and yet sleepless from +anxiety, grief, and shame, the two women watched beside the fitful, +half-conscious man. At last he appeared to throw off his stupor +sufficiently to recognize his wife; but it was with a strange look, +in which were blended fear, suspicion, and shame. A cold perspiration +broke out over his whole form, for something in her expression, +and especially in the aspect of Mildred's face, seemed to indicate +that they knew all, and his own guilty fears and conscience made +the surmise true for the moment; but the tender manner in which +his wife wiped his brow and kissed him were reassuring, and with +his rallying powers grew the hope that his weakness might yet be +unknown and successfully concealed until, by his physician's aid, +he had thrown off the curse. Fearing above and beyond all things else +that his wife would learn his degradation, he slowly and fitfully +tried to mature plans of deception; but his enfeebled mind rallied +so slowly that he felt for a time that silence and observation +were his best allies. He would cautiously and suspiciously feel his +way, and having learned all that had transpired since he remembered +being on the steamer, he could then decide more clearly how to +shape his course. He therefore affected to regard his condition as +the result of a severe illness, and murmured that "quiet and home +life would soon bring him round." + +Mildred kissed him also, and answered, "We cannot think otherwise, +papa, for our love, our lives, and all are bound up in you." + +The morning dragged heavily away, for all except the little ones +were under the impression that dark and woful days were before +them. Mr. Benton had not disguised the truth--that the problem with +which they had to deal was one of great difficulty and much doubt. +This prospect was depressing, but that which weighed like lead +upon their hearts was the thought that one who had ever been their +ideal of honor and truth had deceived them for months, and had +steadily yielded to a habit which he knew must destroy his family's +honor and leave them friendless, penniless, and disgraced. The +weeks of pain that Mildred had endured were not the result of a +hard necessity, but of a vicious indulgence of a depraved appetite. +Not disease but sin had so darkened their lives and brought them +to a pass where even daily bread and shelter for the future were +doubtful questions. + +A thousand times Mildred asked herself, "How can I go out and face +the world with my name blackened by this great cloud of shame?" +She felt as if she never wished to step into the open light of day +again, and the thought of Vinton Arnold made her shudder. "There +is now a great gulf between us," she moaned. "The truth that my +father is an opium slave can never be hidden, and even were Vinton +inclined to be faithful, his family would regard me as a leper, +and he will yield to their abhorrence." + +The wound in both her own and her mother's heart was deep indeed. +Their confidence was shattered, their faith in human goodness and +honor destroyed. While they still hoped much, they nevertheless +harbored a desperate fear, and, at best, the old serene trust could +never return. Even if Mr. Jocelyn could rally and reform, there +would ever remain the knowledge that he had once been weak and +false, and might be again. He would be one who must be watched, +shielded, and sustained, and not one upon whom they could lean +in quiet faith. The quaking earth which shatters into ruin the +material home brings but a slight disaster compared with the vice +that destroys a lifelong trust in a husband and father. + +Mr. Jocelyn's nerves were much too weak and irritable to endure +his children's voices, and their innocence and unconsciousness of +danger smote him with unendurable remorse; they were, therefore, +sent to Mrs. Wheaton's room. There, too, Belle met Roger, and was +much reassured by his hopeful words. She only half comprehended the +truth concerning her father, and now, feeling the worst was past, +her mercurial nature was fast regaining its cheerfulness. She +was one who might despair one day and be joyous the next. Like +her father, she had unlimited courage, and but little fortitude. +Although she did not know it, the outlook for her was more threatening +than for any of the others, for she could not patiently submit to +a slow, increasing pressure of poverty and privation. As her father +feared, she might be driven to interpose the protest of a reckless +life. + +Mr. Jocelyn was greatly reassured when Dr. Benton called, and treated +him with much respect; and when a liberal allowance of morphia was +injected into his arm, he became quite cheerful, believing that not +only his family but even the physician was unaware, as yet, of his +weakness. By neither sign nor word did Dr. Benton indicate his +knowledge, for it was his design to rally his patient into the best +possible condition, and then induce him to yield himself up wholly +to medical skill, naturally believing that in his present enfeebled +state he would shrink from entering on the decisive and heroic +treatment required. Promising to call in the evening, he left Mr. +Jocelyn apparently very much improved. + +In the afternoon Mildred went to her room to seek a little rest. +The physician thought he had given enough of the drug to satisfy +his patient until he returned, but he had not properly gauged the +morbid craving with which he was trying to deal, and as the day +declined Mr. Jocelyn became very restless. Finally, he said he felt +so much better that he would rise and dress himself, and, in spite +of his wife's remonstrances, he persisted in doing so. Although +tottering from weakness, he said, irritably, and almost imperiously, +that he needed no help, and wished to be alone. With sad foreboding +his wife yielded, and waited tremblingly for his next step, for he +had become to her an awful mystery. + +Her fears were fulfilled, for he soon lifted the curtain door and +looked at her in a strange, suspicious manner. "I miss some medicine +from my vest pocket," he said hesitatingly. + +Her face crimsoned, and she found no words with which to reply. + +"Did you take it out?" he demanded sharply. + +"No," she faltered. + +His manner began to grow excited, and he looked like a distorted +image of his former self. Anger, suspicion, fear, and cunning were +all blended in his face, but he so far mastered himself as to assume +a wheedling tone and manner as he came toward her and said, "Nan, +it was only a little tonic that I found beneficial while in the +South. You must know where it is. Please give it to me." + +The poor woman was so overcome by her husband's appearance and +falsehood that she felt sick and faint, and knew not what to say. + +"Where is it?" he demanded angrily, for he felt that unless he had the +support of the drug speedily, he would wholly lose his self-control. + +"Oh, Martin," pleaded his wife, "wait till Dr. Benton comes; he +will be here this evening." + +"Why this ado about nothing? I merely wish to take a little tonic, +and you look as if I proposed suicide." + +"Martin, Martin, it is suicide of body and soul. It is worse than +murder of me and your innocent children. Oh, Martin, my heart's +true love, make me a Christmas gift that I will prize next to Him +from whom the day is named. Give me the promise that you will never +touch the vile poison again," and she knelt before him and sought +to take his hand. + +For a moment he was overwhelmed. She evidently knew all! He sank +into a chair, and trembled almost convulsively. Then came the +impulse--an almost inevitable effect of the drug upon the moral +nature--to lie about the habit, and to strive to conceal it, even +after an unclouded mind would see that deception was impossible. + +"Nan," he began, as he grew a little quieter, "you take cruel +advantage of my weak nerves. You must see that I am greatly reduced +by illness, and I merely wish to take a little tonic as any sane +man would do, and you treat me to a scene of high tragedy. Give me +my medicine, and I know that I shall soon be much better." + +"Oh, my husband, has it really come to this?" and the wretched wife +buried her face in her arms, and leaned heavily on the table. + +He was growing desperate. Through excess he had already reached a +point where ordinary life became an unendurable burden without the +stimulant; but facing a harrowing scene like this was impossible. +He felt that his appetite was like a savage beast on which he held +a weakening and relaxing grasp. With the strange, double consciousness +of the opium maniac, he saw his wife in all her deep distress, and +he had the remorse of a lost soul in view of her agony; he was almost +certain that she knew how he had wronged her and his children, and +he had all the shame and self-loathing of a proud, sensitive man; +he knew that he was false to the sacred trusts of husband and +father, and that awful thing we call a sense of guilt added its +deep depression. It is not inability to comprehend his degradation, +his danger, his utter loss of manhood, which opium imposes on its +wretched slave, but an impossibility to do aught except gratify the +resistless craving at any and every cost. All will-power has gone, +all moral resistance has departed, and in its place is a gnawing, +clamorous, ravening desire. The vitiated body, full of indescribable +and mysterious pain, the still more tortured mind, sinking under +a burden of remorse, guilt, fear, and awful imagery, both unite in +one desperate, incessant demand for opium. + +While his wife sat leaning upon the table, her face hidden, she +was the picture of despair; and, in truth, she felt almost as if +she were turning into stone. If her husband had been brought home +a mangled, mutilated man, as she often feared he might be during +the long years of the war, she would have bent over him with a +tenderness equalled only by the pride and faith that had ever found +in him their centre; but this strange apparition of a man with +odd, sinister-looking eyes, who alternately threatened and cowered +before her--this man, mutilated more horribly in the loss of truth +and love, who was thus openly and shamelessly lying--oh, was he +the chivalric, noble friend, who had been lover and husband for +so many years! The contrast was intolerable, and the sense of his +falseness stung her almost to madness. She did not yet know that +opium, like the corruption of the grave, blackens that which is +the fairest and whitest. + +For a few minutes Mr. Jocelyn debated with himself. Was he strong +enough to go out to the nearest drug store? After one or two turns +up and down the room he found that he was not. He might fall in +utter collapse while on the way, and yet his system, depleted by +his recent excess, demanded the drug with an intensity which he +could not restrain much longer without becoming wild and reckless. +He therefore said to his wife, in a dogged manner, "Nan, I must +have that medicine." + +The gentle creature was at last goaded into such a burst of +indignation that for a few moments he was appalled, and trembled +before her. The fire in her blue eyes seemed to scorch away her +tears, and standing before him she said passionately, "As you are +a man and a Southern gentleman, tell me the truth. I never concealed a +thought from you; what have you been concealing from us for weeks +and months? I wronged you in that I did not think and plan day and +night how to save instead of how to spend, and I can never forgive +myself, but my fault was not deliberate, not intentional. There was +never a moment when I tried to deceive you--never a moment when I +would not have suffered hunger and cold that you and the children +might be warmed and fed. What is this tonic for which you are +bartering your health, your honor and ours, your children's bread +and blood? Mildred sold her girlhood's gifts, the few dear mementoes +of the old happy days, that you might have the chance you craved. +That money was as sacred as the mercy of God. For weeks the poor +child has earned her bread, not by the sweat of her face, but in +agony of body and unhappiness of heart. If it were disease that +had so cast us down and shadowed our lives with fear, pain, and +poverty, we would have submitted to God's will and watched over +you with a patient tenderness that would never have faltered or +murmured; but it's not disease, it's not something that God sent. +It is that which crimsons our faces with shame." + +He sat cowering and trembling before her, with his face buried in +his hands. + +In a sudden revulsion of tenderness she sank again on her knees +before him, and pleaded in tones of tenderest pathos: "Martin, I +know all; but I am ready to forgive all if you will be true from +this time forward. I know now the cause of all your strange moods +which we attributed to ill-health; I know the worst; but if, in +humble reliance upon God, you will win back your manhood, the past +evil days shall be blotted out, even as God blots out our sins +and remembers them no more against us. We will sustain your every +effort with sympathy and loving faith. We will smile at cold and +hunger that you may have time--Great God!" and she sprang to her +feet, white, faint, and panting. + +Her husband had taken his hands from his face, and glared at her +like a famished wolf. In his desperate, unnatural visage there was +not a trace of manhood left. + +"Give me the bottle of morphia you took from my pocket," he +demanded, rising threateningly. "No words; you might as well read +the Ten Commandments to an unchained tiger. Give it to me, or +there is no telling what may happen. You talk as if I could stop +by simply saying, coolly and quietly, I will stop. Ten thousand +devils! haven't I suffered the torments of the damned in trying +to stop! Was I not in hell for a week when I could not get it? Do +you think I ask for it now as a child wants candy? No, it's the +drop of water that will cool my tongue for a brief moment, and as +you hope for mercy or have a grain of mercy in your nature, give +it to me NOW, NOW, NOW!" + +The poor wife tottered a step or two toward her daughter's room, +and fell swooning at the threshold. Mildred opened the door, and +her deep pallor showed that instead of sleeping she had heard words +that would leave scars on memory until her dying day. + +"The poison you demand is there," she said brokenly, pointing to +her bureau. "After mamma's appeal I need not, cannot speak," and +she knelt beside her mother. + +Her father rushed forward and seized the drug with the aspect of +one who is famishing. Mildred shuddered, and would not see more +than she could help, but gave her whole thought and effort to her +mother, who seemed wounded unto death. After a few moments, to her +unbounded surprise, her father knelt beside her and lifted her mother +to a lounge, and, with a steady hand and a gentle, considerate manner, +sought to aid in her restoration. His face was full of solicitude +and anxiety--indeed he looked almost the same as he might have +looked and acted a year ago, before he had ever imagined that such +a demon would possess him. + +When at last Mrs. Jocelyn revived and recalled what had occurred, +she passed into a condition of almost hysterical grief, for her +nervous system was all unstrung. Mr. Jocelyn, meanwhile, attended +upon her in a silent, gentle, self-possessed manner that puzzled +Mildred greatly, although she ascribed it to the stimulant he had +taken. + +After a few minutes a strange smile flitted across his face, and +he disappeared within his own apartment. A little later, Mildred, +returning from a momentary absence, saw him withdraw his syringe +from the arm of her half-conscious mother. + +"What have you done?" she asked sternly, and hastening to his side. + +Secreting the instrument as a miser would his gold, he answered, +with the same strange smile, "She shall have a merry Christmas yet; +I have just remembered the day. See how quiet she is becoming; see +that beautiful flush stealing into her pale face; see the light +dawning in her eye. Oh, I gauged the dose with the skill of the best +of them; and see, my hand is as steady as yours. I'm not a wreck +yet, and all may still be well. Come, this is Christmas night, and +we will keep it in good old Southern style. Where are Belle and +the children? Ah! here they are. Where have you been, Belle?" + +"In Mrs. Wheaton's room," she replied, looking at her father in +much surprise. "I was trying to keep the children quiet, so that +you, mamma, and Millie might have a little rest." + +"That was very kind and good of you, and you now see that I am much +better; so is mamma, and with your help and Mildred's we shall have +a merry Christmas night together after all." + +"Papa is right," Mrs. Jocelyn added with vivacity. "I DO feel much +better, and so strangely hopeful. Come here, Belle. I've scarcely +seen you and the children all day. Kiss me, darlings. I believe +the worst is now past, that papa will soon be well, and that all +our troubles will end in renewed prosperity and happiness. I have +been looking on the dark side, and it was wrong in me to do so. I +should have had more faith, more hope, more thankfulness. I should +bless God for that sight--Fred and Minnie on their father's knees +as in old times. Oh, what a strange, bright turn everything has +taken." + +"Mamma dear," said Belle, who was kneeling and caressing her, "can +I not ask Roger in to see you? He has looked like a ghost all day, +from anxiety about you." + +"Oh, no, no," gasped Mildred. + +"Now, Millie," began Mrs. Jocelyn in gentle effusion, "you carry +your prejudice against Roger much too far. He has been the world +and all to Belle since he came to town. Belle was like a prisoned +bird, and he gave her air and room to fly a little, and always +brought her back safe to the nest. Think of his kindness last night +(suddenly she put her hand to her brow as if troubled by something +half forgotten, but her serene smile returned). Papa, thanks +to Roger's kindness, is here, and he might have been taken to a +hospital. I now feel assured that he will overcome all his troubles. +What we need is cheerfulness--the absence of all that is depressing. +Roger is lonely away from his home and people, and he shall share +our Christmas cheer; so call him, Belle, and then you and Millie +prepare as nice a supper as you can;" and the girl flew to make +good a prospect so in accordance with her nature. + +Mildred almost as precipitately sought her room. A moment later +Roger was ushered in, and he could scarcely believe his eyes. The +unconscious man, whom he at this time on the previous day believed +dying, had his children on his lap, and was caressing them with +every mark of affection. Although he still appeared to be very much +of an invalid, and his complexion had a sallow and unnatural hue, +even in the lamplight, it was difficult to believe that twenty-four +hours before he had appeared to be in extremis. When he arose and +greeted Roger with a courtesy that was almost faultless, the young +fellow was tempted to rub his eyes as if all were a dream. Mrs. +Jocelyn, too, was full of cheerfulness and hope, and made him sit +beside her while she thanked him with a cordiality and friendliness +that seemed even tinged with affection. If memory could be silenced +there would be nothing to dispel the illusion that he looked upon +a humble but happy home, unshadowed by any thought or trouble. As +it was, the illusion was so strong that he entered into the apparent +spirit of the occasion, and he chatted and laughed with a freedom +and ease he had never yet known in their presence. + +"Where is Millie?" Mrs. Jocelyn suddenly asked. "We must be all +together on this happy occasion. Minnie, call her, for I do not +wish a moment of this long-deferred hour marred or clouded." + +"Millie," cried the child, opening the door, "mamma wants you to +come right away. We are having a lovely time." + +"Don't mind Millie's ways," said Mrs. Jocelyn, touching Roger's +arm and giving him a little confidential nod. "You understand each +other." + +These words, with her manner, struck Roger as peculiar in one who +had ever seemed to him the embodiment of delicacy, but he was too +inexperienced to gauge them properly. When he turned, however, to +bow to Mildred, who entered and took a seat in a distant corner, he +was startled by her extreme pallor, but acting on Mrs. Jocelyn's +advice he tried to act as before, resolving, nevertheless, that +if his presence continued to be a restraint on one for whom he was +ever ready to sacrifice himself, he would speedily depart. Belle +was radiant in her reaction from the long, miserable day, and, with +a child's unconsciousness, gave herself up to her happiness. + +"Millie shall rest as well as yourself, mamma, for she was up all +night, and I'll get supper and prove what a housewife I am. Roger, +if you do not swallow everything I prepare without a wry face, +and, indeed, with every appearance of relish, I shall predict for +you the most miserable old bachelorhood all your days." + +"I am afraid you will put Roger's gallantry to a very severe test," +cried Mrs. Jocelyn gayly. "Indeed, I fear we have not very much +for supper except the warmest good-will. Our poverty now, however, +will not last long, for I feel that I can so manage hereafter as +to make amends for all the past. I can see that I am the one who +has been to blame; but all that's past, and with my clearer, fuller +knowledge and larger opportunities I can do wonders." + +Roger was much struck by the peculiar smile with which Mr. Jocelyn +regarded his wife as she uttered these words. + +"Lemme show you what Aunty Wheaton gave me dis mornin'," lisped +Fred, pulling Roger up. + +As he rose he caught a glimpse of Mildred's face, and saw that she +was regarding her mother and father in undisguised horror. Something +was evidently wrong--fearfully wrong. There was a skeleton in that +cheerful lighted room, and the girl saw it plainly. Never would he +forget her terrible expression. He trembled with apprehension as +he stood over the child's toy and tried to imagine what it was that +had suddenly filled the place with a nameless dread and foreboding. +So quick and strong was his sympathy for Mildred, so unmistakable +had been the expression of the girl's face, that he was sure +something must soon occur which would explain her fears. + +He was right, for at this moment Dr. Benton knocked, entered, +and took the chair he had vacated. The physician looked with some +surprise at his patient and Mrs. Jocelyn's flushed, smiling face. +As he felt her pulse her sleeve fell back, and he saw the ominous +little red scar, and then he understood it all, and fixed a +penetrating glance on the face of her husband, who would not meet +his eye. + +"I have done you wrong, Dr. Benton," Mrs. Jocelyn began volubly, +"for we all are indebted to your skill that my husband is so much +better. This day, which promised to pass so sadly, has a bright +ending, thanks to your timely remedies. We are once more a united +household, and I can never thank our dear young friend here, Mr. +Atwood, enough that he discovered my husband and brought him to us +and to your able treatment. Surely, Millie, your prejudice against +him must vanish now, for--" + +"Mother," cried Mildred, "if you have a grain of reason or self-control +left, close your lips. Oh, what a mockery it all is!" + +When Belle took her astonished eyes from Mildred's face, Roger, +who stood near the door, was gone. + +"You had better follow your daughter's advice, Mrs. Jocelyn," said +the physician quietly and soothingly; "you are a little feverish, +and I prescribe quiet. May I see you alone a moment or two, Mr. +Jocelyn?" + +"Yes, here in my room," added Mildred eagerly. + +It was with the aspect of mingled fear and haughtiness that Mr. +Jocelyn followed Dr. Benton into the apartment, and the door was +closed. + +"Mother, you are ill," said Mildred, kneeling beside her. "For my +sake, for yours, pray keep quiet for a while." + +"Ill! I never felt better in my life. It's all your unreasonable +prejudice, Millie." + +"I think so too," cried Belle indignantly. "We were just beginning +to have a little sunshine, and you have spoiled everything." + +"I am the only one who knows the truth, and I shall take the +responsibility of directing our affairs for the next few hours," +replied Mildred, rising, with a pale, impassive face. "Belle, my +course has nothing to do with Roger Atwood. I exceedingly regret, +however, that he has been present. Wait till you hear what Dr. +Benton says;" and there was something so resolute and almost stern +in her manner that even Mrs. Jocelyn, in her unnatural exaltation, +yielded. Indeed, she was already becoming drowsy from the effects +of the narcotic. + +"You are not yourself, mamma. I'll explain all to-morrow," the +young girl added soothingly. + +"Mr. Jocelyn," said the physician, with quiet emphasis, "you have +injected morphia into your wife's arm." + +"I have not." + +"My dear sir, I understand your case thoroughly, and so do your +wife and daughter, as far as they can understand my explanations. +Now if you will cease your mad folly I can save you, I think; that +is, if you will submit yourself absolutely to my treatment." + +"You are talking riddles, sir. Our poverty does not warrant any +assumption on your part." + +"I know the insane and useless instinct of those in your condition +to hide their weakness; but can you not control it, and permit me +as your friend and physician to help you? I am seeking your interests, +not my own." + +"Curse you!" cried Mr. Jocelyn, in a burst of uncontrollable anger; +"if you had been my friend you would have let me die, but instead +you have said things to my wife that have blasted me forever in +her eyes. If she had not known, I could have made the effort you +require; but now I'm a lost man, damned beyond remedy, and I'd +rather see the devil himself than your face again. These are my +rooms, and I demand that you depart and never appear here again." + +The physician bowed coldly, and left the ill-fated family to itself. + +Mildred, who overheard her father's concluding words, felt that it +would be useless then to interpose. Indeed she was so dispirited +and exhausted that she could do no more than stagger under the +heavy burden that seemed crushing her very soul. + +She assisted her mother to retire, and the latter was soon sleeping +with a smile upon her lips. Mr. Jocelyn sat sullenly apart, staring +out into the bleak, stormy darkness, and Mildred left him for the +first time in her life without giving him his good-night kiss. As +she realized this truth, she sank on her couch and sobbed so bitterly +that Belle, who had been meditating reproaches, looked at her with +tearful wonder. Suddenly Mildred arose in strong compunction, and +rushed back to her father; but he started up with such a desperate +look that she recoiled. + +"Don't touch me," he cried. "Put your lips to the gutter of the +streets, if you will, but not to such pitch and foulness as I have +become." + +"Oh, papa, have mercy!" she pleaded. + +"Mercy!" he repeated, with a laugh that froze her blood, "there is +no mercy on earth nor in heaven," and he waved her away, and again +turned his face to the outer darkness. + +"Millie, oh, Millie, what IS the matter?" cried Belle, shocked at +her sister's horror-stricken face. + +"Oh, Belle, is there any good God?" + +"Millie, I'm bewildered. What does it all mean? The evening that +began so brightly seems ending in tragedy." + +"Yes, tragedy in bitter truth. Hope is murdered, life poisoned, +hearts made to bleed from wounds that can never heal. Belle, papa +loves opium better than he does you or me, better than his wife +and little helpless children, better than heaven and his own soul. +Would to God I had never lived to see this day!" + + + + +CHAPTER XXXII + +A BLACK CONSPIRACY + + +On the following morning Mrs. Jocelyn was ill and much depressed +from the reaction of the drug that had been given without her +knowledge, and after learning all that had transpired she sank +into an almost hopeless apathy. Mildred also was unable to rise, +and Belle went to their respective employers and obtained a leave +of absence for a day or two, on the ground of illness in the family. +Mrs. Wheaton now proved herself a discreet and very helpful friend, +showing her interest by kindly deeds and not by embarrassing questions. +Indeed she was so well aware of the nature of the affliction that +overwhelmed the family that she was possessed by the most dismal +forebodings as well as the deepest sympathy. + +Mr. Jocelyn had departed at an early hour, leaving a note wherein +he stated that he might be absent some days seeking employment in +a neighboring city. He had felt that it would be impossible to meet +his family immediately after the experiences of the previous day. +Indeed he had gone away with the desperate resolve that he would +break his habit or never return; but alas for the resolves of an +opium slave! + +Time dragged heavily on, the family living under a nightmare +of anxiety, fear, and horrible conjectures. What might he not do? +What new phase of the tragedy would hereafter be developed? + +Now that the busy season was over, the girls found that they could +retain their position as saleswomen only by accepting whatever +their employers chose to pay, and the thrifty shopkeepers satisfied +their consciences with the thought that they could obtain scores +of others at even lower prices. Mr. Schriven, in the multiplicity +of other interests, had almost forgotten Belle, and she had become +in his mind merely a part of the establishment. Her dejected face +and subdued manner excited some remark among her companions when +she again appeared, but her explanation, "Mother is ill," quieted +all curiosity. + +For a few days Mildred looked as white and crushed as a broken +lily, and then the reserve strength and courage of the girl began +to reassert themselves. With a fortitude that was as heroic as it +was simple and unostentatious, she resolutely faced the truth and +resolved to do each day's duty, leaving the result in God's hands. +With a miser's care she husbanded her strength, ate the most +nourishing food they could afford, and rested every moment her +duties permitted. The economy they were now compelled to practice +amounted almost to daily privation. Belle and the children were +often a little petulant over this change, Mrs. Jocelyn apathetic, +but Mildred was inflexible. "We must not run in debt one penny," +she would often remark with compressed lips. + +Although frequently unoccupied at the shop, she was nevertheless +compelled to stand, and in spite of this cruel requirement she +rallied slowly. Thanks, however, to her wise carefulness, she did +gain steadily in her power to endure and to fight the hard battle +of life. + +One of the saddest features of their trouble was the necessity +of reticence and of suffering in silence. Their proud, sensitive +spirits did not permit them to speak of their shame even to Mrs. +Wheaton, and she respected their reserve. Indeed, among themselves +they shrank from mentioning the sorrow that oppressed every waking +moment and filled their dreams with woful imagery. + +Daring an absence of nearly two weeks Mr. Jocelyn occasionally wrote +a line, saying that he was as well as they could expect, and that +was all. Then he reappeared among them and began leading a desultory +kind of life, coming and going in an aimless way, and giving but +little account of himself. They saw with a deeper depression that +he had not improved much, although apparently he had avoided any +great excesses. Occasionally he gave Mildred a little money, but +how it was obtained she did not know. It was well he was reticent, +for had she known that it was often part of a small loan from some +half-pitying friend of former days, and that it would never be +repaid, she would not have used a penny of it. They were simply +compelled to recognize the awful truth, that the husband and father +was apparently a confirmed opium inebriate. At first they pleaded +with him again and again, unable to understand how it was possible +for him to continue in so fatal a course, but at last they despairingly +desisted. He would at times weep almost hysterically, overwhelmed +with remorse, and again storm in reckless anger and unreasoning +fury. As in thousands of other homes wherein manhood and honor have +been destroyed, they found no better resource than silent endurance. +Under such inflictions resignation is impossible. For Mrs. Jocelyn +and Mildred it was simply a daily martyrdom, but in her companionship +with Roger, Belle had much to sustain, cheer, and even brighten +her life. + +He was in truth a loyal friend, and daily racked his brain for +opportunities to show her and Mrs. Jocelyn some reassuring attention; +and his kindness and that of Mrs. Wheaton were about the only +glints of light upon their darkening way. Mildred was polite and +even kind in her manner toward the young man, since for Belle's +sake and her mother's she felt that she must be so. His course, +moreover, had compelled her respect; but nevertheless her shrinking +aversion did not diminish. The fact that an evil destiny had seemingly +destroyed her hope of ever looking into the face of Vinton Arnold +again made the revolt of her heart all the more bitter against +an unwelcome love of which she was ever conscious when Roger was +present. But he had won her entire respect; he knew so much, and +he worked on and waited. The grasp of his mind upon his studies +daily grew more masterful, and his industry and persistence were +so steady that the old commission merchant began to nod to himself +approvingly. + +The current of time flowed sluggishly on, bringing only changes for +the worse to the Jocelyns. Early spring had come, but no spring-tide +hope, and in its stead a bitter humiliation. The pressure of poverty +at last became so great that the Jocelyns were in arrears for rent +and were compelled to move. In this painful ordeal Mrs. Wheaton +was a tower of strength, and managed almost everything for them, +since no dependence could be placed on Mr. Jocelyn. The reader's +attention need not be detained by a description of their new shelter--for +it could not be called a home. They had a living-room and two very +small bedrooms in a brick tenement wedged in among others of like +unredeemed angularity, and belonging to the semi-respectable, +commonplace order. It was occupied by stolid working-people of +various nationalities, and all engaged in an honest scramble for +bread, with time and thought for little else. The house was simply +a modern, cheap shelter, built barely within the requirements +of the law, and, from its newness, unsoiled as yet with the grime +of innumerable crowded families. Everything was slight, thin, and +money-saving in the architecture; and if a child cried, a shrill-tongued +woman vociferated, or a laborer, angry or drunk, indulged in the +general habit of profanity, all the other inmates of the abode +were at once aware of the fact. By the majority, such sounds were +no more heeded than the rumble in the streets, but to poor Mrs. +Jocelyn and Mildred, with natures like AEolian harps, the discords +of such coarse, crowded life were often horrible. There was naught +to do but exist from day to day, to win what bread they could +wherewith to sustain a life that seemed to promise less and less. +Mr. Jocelyn was steadily sinking, and Belle, at last, growing bitter +and restless under the privations of her lot, in spite of Roger's +unfaltering friendship. + +Mr. Jocelyn was not one who could sin in a conservative, prudent +way. He seemed utterly unable to rally and be a man in his +own strength, and his remorse over his conduct was so great that +he sought a refuge in almost continuous excess. The greater the +height, the more tremendous the fall, and he had now reached the +recklessness of despair. He had many stolid, slouching neighbors +in the tenements, who permitted life to be at least endurable for +their families because of the intervals between their excesses; +but an interval to Mr. Jocelyn was a foretaste of perdition. +Nevertheless, if the wretched man, by a kindly violence, could +have been shut up and away for weeks, perhaps months, from all +possibility of obtaining the poisons that were destroying him, +and treated with scientific skill, he might have been saved even +at this late hour. When the world recognizes that certain vices +sooner or later pass from the character of voluntary evil into the +phase of involuntary disease, and should be treated rigorously and +radically under the latter aspect, many lives and homes will be +saved from final wreck. + +No principles are better known than the influences of soil, climate, +darkness, and light upon a growing plant. If the truth could be +appreciated that circumstances color life and character just as +surely, marring, distorting, dwarfing, or beautifying and developing, +according as they are friendly or adverse, the workers in the moral +vineyard, instead of trying to obtain fruit from sickly vines, +whose roots grope in sterility, and whose foliage is poisoned, +would bring the richness of opportunity to the soil and purify the +social atmosphere. Immature Belle, in spite of all the influences +for good from her mother, her sister, and Roger, could scarcely reside +where she did and grow pure and womanly. She was daily compelled +to see and hear too much that was coarse, evil, and debasing. + +She knew that Roger was a friend, and nothing more--that his whole +heart was absorbed in Mildred--and her feminine nature, stimulated +by the peculiarities of her lot, craved warmer attentions. In her +impoverished condition, and with her father's character becoming +generally known, such attentions would not naturally come from young +men whom those who loved her best could welcome. She was growing +restless under restrictions, and her crowded, half-sheltered life +was robbing her of womanly reserve. These undermining influences +worked slowly, imperceptibly, but none the less certainly, and she +recognized the bold, evil admiration which followed her more and +more unshrinkingly. + +Mr. Jocelyn's condition was no longer a secret, and he often, +in common with other confirmed habitues, increased the effects of +opium by a free use of liquor. He therefore had practically ceased +to be a protector to his daughters. Fred and Minnie, in spite of +all the broken-hearted and failing mother could do, were becoming +little street Arabs, learning all too soon the evil of the world. + +Since the revelation of her father's condition Mildred had finally +relinquished her class at the mission chapel. Her sensitive spirit +was so shadowed by his evil that she felt she would be speechless +before children who might soon learn to associate her name with +a vice that would seem to them as horrible as it was mysterious. +Bread and shelter she must obtain, but she was too fear-haunted, +too conscious of the shame to which she was linked, to face the +public on any occasion not connected with her daily toil. + +The pride characteristic of American people who have lapsed +from a better condition was intensified by her Southern birth and +prejudices. More than hunger, cold, and even death, she feared being +recognized, pointed out, stared at, and gossiped about, while the +thought of receiving charity brought an almost desperate look into +her usually clear blue eyes. Therefore she shrank from even Mr. +Wentworth, and was reticent on all topics relating to their domestic +affairs. She knew that there were many families whom he was almost +sustaining through crises of illness and privation; she also knew +that there were far more who sought to trade upon his sympathies. +While she could take aid from him as readily as from any one, she +also believed that before she could receive it she must be frank +concerning her father. Rather than talk of his shame, even to her +pastor, it might well be believed that the girl would starve. What +she might do for the sake of the others was another question. + +Mr. Wentworth in sadness recognized the barrier which Mildred's +pride was rearing between them, but he was too wise and experienced +to be obtrusively personal. He sought earnestly, however, to guard +the young girl against the moral danger which so often results from +discouragement and unhappiness, and he entreated her not to part +with her faith, her clinging trust in God. + +"A clinging trust is, indeed, all that I have left," she had replied +so sadly that his eye suddenly moistened; "but the waves of trouble +seem strong and pitiless, and I sometimes fear that my hands +are growing numb and powerless. In plain prose, I'm just plodding +on--God knows whither. In my weary, faltering way I am trying to +trust Him," she added, after a brief silence, "and I always hope +to; but I am so tired, Mr. Wentworth, so depressed, that I'm like +the soldiers that have been described to me as marching on with +heavy eyes and heavy feet because they must. There is no use +in my coming to the chapel, for I haven't the heart to say a word +of cheer to any one, and hollow words would hurt me, while doing +no good. I am trying your charity sorely, but I can't help it. I +fear you cannot understand me, for even your Christian sympathy is +a burden. I'm too tired, too sorely wounded to make any response; +while all the time I feel that I ought to respond gratefully and +earnestly. It seems a harsh and unnatural thing to say, but my chief +wish is to shrink away from everybody and everything not essential +to my daily work. I think I shall have strength enough to keep up +a mechanical routine of life for a long time, but you must not ask +me to think or give way to feeling, much less to talk about myself +and--and--the others. If I should lose this stolid self-control +which I am gaining, and which enables me to plod along day by day +with my eyes shut to what may be on the morrow, I believe I should +become helpless from despair and grief." + +"My dear child," the clergyman had replied, in deep solicitude, "I +fear you are dangerously morbid; and yet I don't know. This approach +to apathy of which you speak may be God's shield from thoughts that +would be sharp arrows. I can't help my honest sympathy, and I hope +and trust that I may soon be able to show it in some helpful way--I +mean in the way of finding you more remunerative and less cruel +work," he added quickly, as he saw a faint flush rising in the young +girl's face. Then he concluded, gravely and gently, "Miss Mildred, +I respect you--I respect even your pride; but, in the name of our +common faith and the bonds it implies, do not carry it too far. +Good-by. Come to me whenever you need, or your conscience suggests +my name," and the good man went away wholly bent on obtaining some +better employment for Mildred; and he made not a little effort +to do so, only to find every avenue of labor suited to the girl's +capacity already thronged. Meanwhile the needs and sorrows of +others absorbed his time and thoughts. + +Belle, because of her thorough liking and respect for Mr. Wentworth, +and even more for the reason that he had obtained her promise to +come, was rarely absent from her class, and the hour spent at the +chapel undoubtedly had a good and restraining influence; but over +and against this one or two hours in seven days were pitted the +moral atmosphere of the shop, the bold admiration and advances +in the streets, which were no longer unheeded and were scarcely +resented, and the demoralizing sights and sounds of a tenement-house. +The odds were too great for poor Belle. Like thousands of other +girls, she stood in peculiar need of sheltered home life, and +charity broad as heaven should be exercised toward those exposed +as she was. + +As Mr. Jocelyn sank deeper in degradation, Mildred's morbid impulse +to shrink, cower, and hide, in such poor shelter as she had, grew +stronger, and at last she did little more than try to sleep through +the long, dreary Sabbaths, that she might have strength for the almost +hopeless struggle of the week. She was unconsciously drifting into +a hard, apathetic materialism, in which it was her chief effort not +to think or remember--from the future she recoiled in terror--but +simply to try to maintain her physical power to meet the daily +strain. + +It is a sad and terrible characteristic of our Christian city, that +girls, young, beautiful, and unprotected like Mildred and Belle, +are the natural prey of remorseless huntsmen. Only a resolute +integrity, great prudence and care, can shield them; and these not +from temptation and evil pursuit, but only from the fall which such +snares too often compass. + +Of these truths Mildred had a terrible proof. A purer-hearted girl +than she never entered the maelstrom of city life; but those who +looked upon her lovely face looked again, and lingeringly, and +there was one who had devoured her beauty daily with wolfish eyes. +In charge of the department of the shop wherein she toiled, there +was a man who had long since parted with the faintest trace of +principle or conscience. He was plausible, fine-looking, after a +certain half-feminine type, and apparently vigilant and faithful +in his duties as a floor-walker; but his spotless linen concealed +a heart that plotted all the evil his hands dared to commit. For +him Mildred had possessed great attractions from the first; and, +with the confidence bestowed by his power, and many questionable +successes, he made his first advances so openly that he received +more than one public and stinging rebuff. A desire for revenge, +therefore, had taken entire possession of him, and with a serpent's +cold, deadly patience he was waiting for a chance to uncoil and +strike. Notwithstanding his outward civility, Mildred never met +the expression of his eyes without a shudder. + +From frank-tongued Belle, Roger had obtained some hints of this +man's earlier attentions, and of his present ill-concealed dislike--a +latent hostility which gave Mildred no little uneasiness, since, +by some pretext, he might cause her dismissal. She knew too well +that they were in such straits now that they could not afford one +hour's idleness. Roger therefore nursed a bitter antipathy against +the fellow. + +One evening, late in March, the former was taking his usual brief +walk before sitting down to long hours of study. He was at liberty +to go whither he pleased, and not unnaturally his steps, for the +hundredth time, perhaps, passed the door through which he could +catch a glimpse of the young girl, who, with apparent hopelessness, +and yet with such pathetic patience, was fighting a long battle +with disheartening adversity. He was later than usual, and the +employees were beginning to leave. Suddenly the obnoxious floor-walker +appeared at the entrance with a hurried and intent manner. Then he +paused a second or two and concealed himself behind a show-case. +Roger now saw that his eyes were fixed on a girl who had just +preceded him, and who, after a furtive glance backward, hastened +up the avenue. Her pursuer--for such he evidently was--followed +instantly, and yet sought to lose himself in the crowd so that she +could not detect him. Partly in the hope of learning something to +the disadvantage of one who might have it in his power to injure +Mildred, and partly from the motive of adding zest to an aimless +walk, Roger followed the man. + +The girl, with another quick glance over her shoulder, at last turned +down a side street, and was soon walking alone where passengers +were few and the street much in shadow; here her pursuer joined +her, and she soon evinced violent agitation, stopping suddenly with +a gesture of indignant protest. He said something, however, that +subdued her speedily, and they went on together for some little +distance, the man talking rapidly, and then they turned into a +long, dark passage that led to some tenements in the rear of those +fronting on the street. About midway in this narrow alley a single +gas jet burned, and under its light Roger saw them stop, and the +girl produce from beneath her waterproof cloak something white, that +appeared like pieces of wound lace. The man examined them, made a +memorandum, and then handed them back to the girl, who hesitated +to take them; but his manner was so threatening and imperious that +she again concealed them on her person. As they came out together, +Roger, with hat drawn over his eyes, gave them a glance which fixed +the malign features of the man and the frightened, guilty visage +of the girl on his memory. They regarded him suspiciously, but, +as he went on without looking back, they evidently thought him a +casual passer-by. + +"It's a piece of villany," Roger muttered, "but of what nature I +have no means of discovering, even were it any affair of mine. I am +satisfied of one thing, however--that man's a scoundrel; seemingly +he has the girl in his power, and it looks as if she had been +stealing goods and he is compounding the felony with her." + +If he had realized the depth of the fellow's villany he would not +have gone back to his studies so quietly, for the one nearest to +his heart was its object. The scene he had witnessed can soon be +explained. Goods at the lace counter had been missed on more than +one occasion, and it had been the hope of Mildred's enemy that he +might fasten the suspicion upon her. On this evening, however, he +had seen the girl in question secrete two or three pieces as she +was folding them up, and he believed she had carried them away with +her. Immediately on joining her he had charged her with the theft, +and in answer to her denials threatened to have her searched +before they parted. Then in terror she admitted the fact, and was +in a condition to become his unwilling accomplice in the diabolical +scheme suggested by his discovery. + +He had said to her, in effect, that he suspected another girl--namely, +Mildred Jocelyn--and that if she would place the goods in the pocket +of this girl's cloak on the following afternoon he would by this +act be enabled to extort a confession from her also, such as he had +received in the present case. He then promised the girl in return +for this service that he would make no complaint against her, but +would give her the chance to find another situation, which she must +do speedily, since he could no longer permit her to remain in the +employ of the house for whom he acted. She was extremely reluctant +to enter into this scheme, but, in her confusion, guilt, and fear, +made the evil promise, finding from bitter experience that one sin, +like an enemy within the walls, opens the gate to many others. She +tried to satisfy such conscience as she had with the thought that +Mildred was no better than herself, and that the worst which could +happen to the object of this sudden conspiracy was a quiet warning +to seek employment elsewhere. The man himself promised as much, +although he had no such mild measures in view. It was his design +to shame Mildred publicly, to break down her character, and render +her desperate. He had learned that she had no protector worthy +of the name, and believed that he could so adroitly play his part +that he would appear only as the vigilant and faithful servant of +his employers. + +Mildred, all unconscious of the pit dug beneath her feet, was passing +out the following evening into the dreary March storm, when the +foreman touched her shoulder and said that one of the proprietors +wished to see her. In much surprise, and with only the fear of one +whose position meant daily bread for herself and those she loved +better than self, she followed the man to the private office, where +she found two of the firm, and they looked grave and severe indeed. + +"Miss Jocelyn," began the elder, without any circumlocution, "laces +have been missed from your department, and suspicion rests on you. +I hope you can prove yourself innocent." + +The charge was so awful and unexpected that she sank, paie and +faint, into a chair, and the appearance of the terror-stricken girl +was taken as evidence of guilt. But she goon rallied sufficiently +to say, with great earnestness, "Indeed, sir, I am innocent." + +"Assertion is not proof. Of course you are willing, then, to be +searched?" + +She, Mildred Jocelyn, searched for stolen goods! Searched, alone, +in the presence of these dark-browed, frowning men! The act, the +indignity, seemed overwhelming. A hot crimson flush mantled her +face, and her womanhood rose in arms against the insult. + +"I do not fear being searched," she said indignantly; "but a woman +must perform the act." + +"Certainly," said her employer; "we do not propose anything +indecorous; but first call an officer." + +They were convinced that they had found the culprit, and were +determined to make such an example of her as would deter all others +in the shop from similar dishonesty. + +Mildred was left to herself a few moments, faint and bewildered, +a whirl of horrible thoughts passing through her mind; and then, +conscious of innocence, she began to grow calm, believing that the +ordeal would soon be over. Nevertheless she had received a shock +which left her weak and trembling, as she followed two of the most +trusty women employed in the shop to a private apartment, at whose +door she saw a bulky guardian of the law. The majority, unaware +of what had taken place, had departed; but such as remained had +lingered, looking in wonder at the hasty appearance of the policeman, +and the intense curiosity had been heightened when they saw him +stationed near an entrance through which Mildred was speedily led. +They at once surmised the truth, and waited for the result of the +search in almost breathless expectation. The girl who had done +Mildred so deep a wrong had hastened away among the first, and so +was unaware of what was taking place; the chief conspirator, from +an obscure part in the now half-lighted shop, watched with cruel +eyes the working of his plot. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIII + +MILDRED IN A PRISON CELL + + +Not from any sense of guilt, but rather from the trembling +apprehensiveness of one whose spirit is already half broken by +undeserved misfortune, Mildred tottered to a chair within the small +apartment to which she had been taken. With an appealing glance to +the two women who stood beside her she said, "Oh, hasten to prove +that I am innocent! My burden was already too heavy, and this is +horrible." + +"Miss Jocelyn," replied the elder of the women, in a matter-of-fact +tone, "it's our duty to search you thoroughly, and, if innocent, +you will not fear it. There will be nothing 'horrible' about the +affair at all, unless you have been stealing, and it seems to me +that an honest girl would show more nerve." + +"Search me, then--search as thoroughly as you please," cried Mildred, +with an indignant flush crimsoning her pale, wan face. "I'd sooner +starve a thousand times than take a penny that did not belong to +me." + +Grimly and silently, and with a half-incredulous shrug, the woman, +whose mind had been poisoned against Mildred, began her search, +first taking off the young girl's waterproof cloak. "Why is the +bottom of this side-pocket slit open?" she asked severely. "What +is this, away down between the lining and the cloth?" and she drew +out two pieces of valuable lace. + +Mildred looked at the ominous wares with dilated eyes, and for a +moment was speechless with astonishment and terror. + +"Your words and deeds are a trifle discordant," began the woman, +in cold satire, "but your manner is more in keeping." + +"I know nothing about that lace," Mildred exclaimed passionately. +"This is a plot against--" + +"Oh, nonsense!" interrupted the woman harshly. "Here, officer," +she continued, opening the door, "take your prisoner. These goods +were found upon her person, concealed within the lining of her +cloak," and she showed him where the lace had been discovered. + +"A mighty clear case," was his grinning reply; "still you must be +ready to testify to-morrow, unless the girl pleads guilty, which +will be her best course." + +"What are you going to do with me?" asked Mildred, in a hoarse +whisper. + +"Oh, nothing uncommon, miss--only what is always done under such +circumstances. We'll give you free lodgings to-night, and time to +think a bit over your evil ways." + +One of the seniors of the firm, who had drawn near to the door and +had heard the result of the search, now said, with much indignation, +and in a tone that all present could hear, "Officer, remove your +prisoner, and show no leniency. Let the law take its full course, +for we intend to stamp out all dishonesty from our establishment, +most thoroughly." + +"Come," said the policeman, roughly laying his hand on the shoulder +of the almost paralyzed girl. + +"Where?" she gasped. + +"Why, to the station-house, of course," he answered impatiently. + +"Oh, you can't mean THAT." + +"Come, come, no nonsense, no airs. You knew well enough that +the station-house and jail were at the end of the road you were +travelling. People always get found out, sooner or later. If you +make me trouble in arresting you, it will go all the harder with +you." + +"Can't I--can't I send word to my friends?" + +"No, indeed, not now. Your pals must appear in court to-morrow." + +She looked appealingly around, and on every face within the circle +of light saw only aversion and anger, while the cruel, mocking eyes +of the man whose coarse advances she had so stingingly resented +were almost fiendish in their exultation. + +"It's of no use," she muttered bitterly. "It seems as if all +the world, and God Himself, were against me," and giving way to a +despairing apathy she followed the officer out of the store--out +into the glaring lamplight of the street, out into the wild March +storm that swept her along toward prison. To her morbid mind +the sleet-lad en gale seemed in league with all the other malign +influences that were hurrying her on to shame and ruin. + +"Hi, there! Look where you are going," thundered the policeman to +a passenger who was breasting the storm, with his umbrella pointed +at an angle that threatened the officer's eye. + +The umbrella was thrown back, and then flew away on the gale from +the nerveless hands of Roger Atwood. Dumb and paralyzed with wonder, +he impeded their progress a moment as he looked into Mildred's +white face. At last a time had come when she welcomed his presence, +and she cried, "Oh, Mr. Atwood, tell them at home--tell them I'm +innocent." + +"What does this outrage mean?" he demanded, in a tone that cause +the officer to grasp his club tightly. + +"It means that if you interfere by another word I'll arrest you +also. Move on, and mind your business." + +"Miss Jocelyn, explain," he said earnestly to her, without budging +an inch, and the comparatively few passers-by began to gather around +them. + +"You can have no communication with the prisoner on the street," +said the arm of the law roughly; "and if you don't get out of my +way you'll be sorry." + +"Please don't draw attention to me," entreated Mildred hurriedly. +"You can do nothing. I'm falsely accused--tell them at home." + +He passed swiftly on her side, and, as he did so, whispered, "You +shall not be left alone a moment. I'll follow, and to-morrow prove +you innocent," for, like a flash, the scene he had witnessed the +evening before came into his mind. + +"Quit that," warned the officer, "or I'll--" but the young man was +gone. He soon turned, however, and followed until he saw Mildred +led within the station-house door. The storm was so severe as to +master the curiosity of the incipient crowd, and only a few street +gamins followed his example. He was wary now, and, having regained +his self-control, he recognized a task that would tax his best +skill and tact. + +Having watched until he saw the officer who had made the arrest +depart, he entered the station-house. To the sergeant on duty behind +the long desk he said, with much courtesy, "I am a friend of Miss +Jocelyn, a young woman recently brought to this station. I wish to +do nothing contrary to your rules, but I would like to communicate +with her and do what I can for her comfort. Will you please explain +to me what privileges may be granted to the prisoner and to her +friends?" + +"Well, this is a serious case, and the proof against her is almost +positive. The stolen goods were found upon her person, and her +employers have charged that there be no leniency." + +"Her employers could not have wished her treated cruelly, and if +they did, you are not the man to carry out their wishes," Roger +insinuated. "All that her friends ask is kindness and fair play within +the limits of your rules. Moreover, her friends have information +which will show her to be innocent, and let me assure you that +she is a lady by birth and breeding, although the family has been +reduced to poverty. She has influential friends." + +His words evidently had weight with the sergeant, and Roger's bearing +was so gentlemanly that the official imagined that the young man +himself might represent no mean degree of social and political +influence. + +"Yes," he said, "I noticed that she wasn't one of the common sort." + +"And you must have observed also that she was delicate and frail +looking." + +"Yes, that, too, was apparent, and we have every disposition to be +humane toward prisoners. You can send her some supper and bedding, +and if you wish to write to her you can do so, but must submit what +you write to the captain of the precinct. I'm expecting him every +minute." + +Roger wrote rapidly: + +"Miss JOCELYN--Your friends fully believe in your innocence, and I +think I can say without doubt that they have the means of proving +it. Much depends on your maintaining strength and courage. Bedding +will be sent to make you comfortable, and, for the sake of your +mother and those you love at home, I hope you will not refuse the +supper that shall soon be sent also. I have ever believed that you +were the bravest girl in the world, and now that so much depends +on your fortitude and nerve, I am sure you will second the efforts +of those who are trying to aid you. With the strongest respect and +sympathy, ROGER ATWOOD." + +The captain, who soon appeared, saw no objection to this note, and +promised that it should be sent to Mildred. + +Roger then went to the nearest restaurant, and procured a delicate +and inviting supper, which, with a generous pot of coffee, he +carried so swiftly through the storm that it was sent smoking hot +to the cell in which Mildred was confined. + +He then hastened to a livery-stable, and, having obtained a carriage, +was driven rapidly to the tenement in which the Jocelyns had their +rooms. Mr. Jocelyn, fortunately, was absent; for Mildred's natural +protector would only have made matters far worse. If the guardians +of the law had looked upon the wrecked and fallen man they would have +felt that the daughter's alleged crime was already half explained. +But a visit from Mrs. Jocelyn would make a far different impression, and +he determined that she alone should accompany him to the station-house. + +It would be useless to pain the reader with Mrs. Jocelyn's distress, +and for a time Roger thought the tidings would crush the already +stricken woman; but in answer to his appeal she soon rallied in defence +of her child. At his request she assumed, as far as possible, the +garb of a lady--the appearance and bearing of one was inseparable +from her. It was with much difficulty that he persuaded the weeping +and indignant Belle to remain with the children, for he well knew +that she was far too excitable to deal with the police. Having made +every provision possible for Mildred's comfort, they soon reached +the station-house, and the sergeant in charge greeted them politely; +but on learning their errand he frowned, and said to Mrs. Jocelyn, +"No, you can't see her till she is brought into court to-morrow." + +In answer to the mother's appeals and Roger's expostulations he +remarked impatiently, "Do you think I'm going to disobey orders? +Either take my answer or wait till the captain comes in again." + +They had no other resource, and sat down to weary waiting, the +mother weeping silently, and Roger, with sternly knit brows, deep +in thought. + +At last the captain returned, and the sergeant rose and said, +"Here's the mother of the girl who was taken with stolen goods on +her person. She wishes to speak with you." + +"Well, what is it?" demanded the police-captain a little harshly, +turning toward Mrs. Jocelyn; but his manner softened as he looked +upon the thin, delicate features which had not yet lost their old, +sweet charm, and which now were eloquent with a mother's unspeakable +grief and solicitude. "Don't be frightened, madam," he added, +somewhat kindly, as he saw the poor woman's ineffectual efforts +to rise and speak. "I'm human, and not more hard-hearted than my +duties require." + +At last Mrs. Jocelyn burst forth: "If you have a heart at all, sir, +save mine from breaking. My child is innocent--it will be proved +to-morrow. A year ago we had a happy, beautiful home, and my girl +a father whom all men respected. We've had misfortunes, that, thank +God, fall to the lot of few, but my child has kept herself spotless +through them all. I can prove this. She is in prison to-night +through no fault of hers. Oh, sir, in the name of mother-love, can +you keep me from my child? Can I not see her even for a moment, +and say to her one reassuring word? She may go mad from fear and +shame. She may die. Oh, sir, if you have the heart of a man, let +me see her, let me speak to her. You, or any one, may be present +and see that I mean no harm." + +"There certainly has been some dreadful mistake," Roger put in +hastily, as he saw the man was irresolute, and was regarding the +suppliant sympathetically. "People who must command your respect +will be glad to testify that Miss Jocelyn's character is such as +to render impossible anything dishonorable on her part." + +"Let me warn you," said the officer keenly, "that any such negative +testimony will have but little weight against the positive facts +in the case." + +"Oh, let me see my child," cried Mrs. Jocelyn, in tones of such +passionate pathos that his scruples gave way, and he said to the +sergeant, "Let her see the girl! I'd be a brute to deny her, even +if it is against our rules. The doorman need not stand near enough +to embarrass them." + +As Mrs. Jocelyn eagerly descended to the cells in the basement, the +captain remarked to Eoger, "The girl's friends will have to bestir +themselves if they clear her. The evidence is so strong that she'll +be committed for further trial, without doubt." + +"I think she'll be discharged to-morrow," replied Roger quietly. +"I thank you for your kindness to Mrs. Jocelyn." + +"Mere statements as to the girl's previous character will not clear +her," resumed the captain emphatically. "You are a relative, lover, +or something, I suppose. This poor woman has knocked my routine +methods a little out of gear. One rarely sees a face like hers in +a station-house. She evidently comes of no common stock, and I'd +like to hear that the charge is all a mistake, as you claim; but, +young man, you can't meet criminal charges with generalities. You've +got to show that she didn't steal that lace. I wish you success, +for the mother's sake at least," and he passed into his private +room. + +As Mildred was about to enter the station-house she had looked +back, hoping, for the first time in her life, that Roger Atwood +was near. The eager and reassuring wave of his hand satisfied her +that he would know the place of her imprisonment, and that he would +do for her all within his power. Again he had appeared in the hour +of misfortune and bitter humiliation. But, inspite of her heart, +she now did justice to his sturdy loyalty, and she was comforted and +sustained by the thought that not quite all the world was against +her. She also knew that he would relieve her mother and Belle from +unendurable anxiety on account of her absence, and that he would +summon Mr. Wentworth to her aid. His promise to prove her innocent +had meant nothing to her more than that he would inform and rally +all of her friends. That he could know anything that would throw +light on the evil mystery did not seem possible. She was then +too miserable and depressed to do much more than wait, in a sort +of stunned torpor, for what might next occur. Mechanically she +answered such questions as were put to her in order that a record +of the case might be made, and then was led to the cells below. +She shuddered as she saw the dimly lighted stairway, and it seemed +to her morbid fancy that she was to be thrust into a subterranean +dungeon. Such, in a certain sense, it was; for in some of the older +station-houses the cells are located in the basement. At the end +of the corridor, nearest the street, she saw several women, and, +unkempt and disgusting as these station-house tramps appeared, the +fact that some of her own sex were near was reassuring. A prison +was to her a place full of nameless horrors, for the romances she +had read in brighter days gave to it the associations of medieval +dungeons. Of the prosaic character of a modern jail she knew nothing, +and when she was placed within a bare cell, and the grated iron +door was locked upon her, the horrible desolation of her position +seemed as complete and tragic a fate as had ever overtaken the +unfortunate in the cruel past. She sat down upon the grimy wooden +bench, which was the only provision made for rest or comfort, +and the thought of spending a lonely night in such a place was +overpowering. Not that she could hope for sleep, even if there were +downy pillows instead of this unredeemed couch of plank on which +some beastly inebriate may have slept off his stupor the night +before, but she felt weak and faint, and her overtaxed physical +nature craved some support and rest. + +Distress of mind, however, soon made her forget all this, as her +faculties slowly rallied from the shock they had received, and she +began to realize that she was charged with a crime of which it might +be difficult--perhaps impossible--to prove her innocence. At best, +she feared she would always be so clouded with suspicion that all +would refuse to employ her, and that her blighted life and undeserved +shame, added to her father's character, would drag the family down +to the lowest depths. The consequences to them all, and especially +to Belle, seemed so threatening and terrible that she wrung her +hands and moaned aloud. + +At every sound she started up, nervous and morbidly apprehensive. +The grating of the key in the iron door had given her a sense of +relief and refuge. The massive bars that shut her in also shut out +the brutal and criminal, who were associated with a prison in her +mind; the thoughts of whom had filled her very soul with terror, +when she was first arrested. As it was early in the evening she +happened to be the first prisoner, and she prayed that there might +be no others, for the possibility that some foul, drunken man might +be thrust into an adjoining cell made her flesh creep. How many +long, sleepless hours must pass before morning could bring any +hope of release! And yet she dreaded the coming day unspeakably, +for her path to freedom lay through a police court, with all its +horrible publicity. Her name might get into the papers, and proud +Mrs. Arnold treasure up every scrap of such intelligence about her. +The tidings of her shame might be sent to her who as Miss Wetheridge +had been her friend, and even she would shrink from one around whom +clung such disgraceful associations. Again and again she asked +herself, How could the charge against her be met? How could the +family live without her? What would become of them? Belle, alas, +would be rendered utterly reckless, because hopeless. The unhappy +prisoner was far beyond tears. Even her faith in God failed her, +for, seemingly, He had left her the victim of cruel wrong and +unredeemed misfortune. With her hot, dry eyes buried in her hands +she sat motionless and despairing, and the moments passed like +hours. + +At this crisis in her despair Roger's note was handed to her, +and it was like the north star suddenly shining out on one who is +benighted and lost. It again kindled hope, without which mind and +body give way in fatal dejection. She kissed the missive passionately, +murmuring, with eyes heavenward, "If he can clear my name from +dishonor, if he will rescue my loved ones from the poverty and +shame which are now threatening such terrible evils, I will make +any sacrifice that he can ask. I will crush out my old vain love, +if I die in the effort. My heart shall not prove a traitor to those +who are true and loyal at such a time. He can save mamma, Belle, +and the children from hopeless poverty, and perhaps destruction. +If he will, and it is his wish, I'll give all there is left of my +unhappy self. I will be his loyal wife--would to God I could be +his loving wife! Oh, would to God he had loved Belle instead of me! +I could be devotion itself as his sister. But surely I can banish +my old fond dream--which was never more than a dream--when one so +deserving, so faithful, is willing to give me his strong, helpful +hand. We are both very young; it will be years before--before--and, +surely, in so long a time, I can conquer my infatuation for one +who has left me all these dreary months without a word. A woman's +heart cannot be proof against reason, gratitude, and the sacred +duty owed to those she loves best. At any rate, mine shall not be, +and if he still craves the loyalty and--and--yes, the love of one +so shamed and impoverished as I am, he shall have all-ALL," and her +face grew stern with her purpose of self-mastery. She forced down +some of the food he sent, and drank the coffee. "I will be brave," +she murmured. "I will try to second his efforts to clear my name, +for death were better than shame. I shall, at least, try to deserve +his respect." + +Then musingly she added, "How can my friends have gained any +information that would prove me innocent? Mother and Belle cannot +know anything definite, nor can Mr. Wentworth. He promised in that +brief whisper when he passed me in the street that he would prove +it. Can he have learned anything in his strange vigilance? It seems +impossible. Alas, I fear that their best hope is to show that I +have hitherto borne a good character, and yet if my present home +and our poverty are described, if--worse than all--papa appears in +the court-room, I fear they will think the worst," and something of +her old despair began to return when she heard approaching footsteps. + +"Millie!" cried a loved and familiar voice. The key grated in the +lock, and in another moment she was sobbing on her mother's breast, +and her bruised heart was healed by the unutterable tenderness +of a mother's love. It filled the dark cell with the abounding, +undoubting, unquestioning spirit of unselfish devotion, which was +akin to the fragrance diffused from the broken box of alabaster. + +When sufficiently calm, Mildred told her mother what had happened, +and she in turn whispered that Roger had strong hopes that he could +prove her innocence on the following day, though how she did not +know. "And yet, Millie," she concluded, "for some reason he inspires +me with confidence, for while he feels so deeply, he is quiet and +thoughtful about the least thing. Nothing seems to escape his mind, +and he says he has some information of which he does not think it +best to speak at present. He entreats you to take courage, and says +that if you will 'keep up and be your brave, true self, gentle and +strong,' you can do much to aid him. We will all stand by you, +and Mr. Wentworth will be with us." + +"Where--where is papa?" faltered Mildred, with a slight flush. "I +don't know," responded the wife, with a deep sob. + +"Alas, mother, it's cruel to say it, but it will be best that he +should not appear at all. Keep him away if possible. I hope he may +never know anything about it, unless you think this terrible result +of his course may awaken him to a final struggle to do right. I +would gladly suffer anything to save him." + +"No, Millie, he would not be his old self if he came into court," +said her mother dejectedly, "and his appearance and manner might +turn the scale against you. Our best hope is to let Roger manage +everything. And now, good-by, my darling. God sustain you. Do not +fear anything to night. Roger says you are safe, and that his only +dread is that you may become nervously prostrated, and he relies on +your help to-morrow. I can't stay any longer. Oh, God, how glad I +would be if I could hold you in my arms all night! Belle is strongly +excited, and says she will never believe a word against you, nor +will any of your true friends--alas! I wish we had more." + +"Time is up," warned the doorman. + +"Tell Mr. Atwood that I am deeply grateful for his aid, and more +grateful for his trust," said Mildred. + +"Courage, Millie; you can sustain me by keeping up yourself. You +will find us in the court-room waiting for you." + +With an embrace in which heart throbbed against heart they separated, and +the poor girl was comforted and more hopeful in spite of herself, +for while she would shrink from Roger, her confidence in his +shrewdness and intelligence had made such growth that she half +believed he would find some way of proving her innocent, although +how he had obtained any evidence in her favor she could not imagine. +The bedding brought by her mother transformed the cellbunk into +a comfortable couch, and she lay down and tried to rest, so as +to be ready to do her part, and her overtaxed nature soon brought +something like sleep. She was startled out of her half-consciousness +by a shrill cry, and sprang to her feet. There was a confused sound +of steps on the stairs, and then again the same wild cry that almost +made her heart stand still. A moment later two policemen appeared, +dragging a woman who was resisting and shrieking with demoniacal +fury. + +The sight was a horrible one. The faces of the great, stalwart +men were reddened by exertion, for the woman seemed to possess +supernatural strength, and their familiarity with crime was not so +great as to prevent strong expressions of disgust. Little wonder, +for if a fiend could embody itself in a woman, this demented creature +would leave nothing for the imagination. Her dress was wet, torn, +and bedraggled; her long black hair hung dishevelled around a white, +bloated face, from which her eyes gleamed with a fierceness like +that of insanity. + +With no little difficulty they thrust her into a cell opposite the +one in which Mildred was incarcerated, and as one of the men turned +the key upon her he said roughly, "Stay there now, you drunken +she-devil, till you are sober," and breathing heavily from their +efforts they left the poor wretch to the care of the jailer. + +Mildred shrank away. Not for the world would she encounter the +woman's frenzied eyes. Then she stopped her ears that she might +not hear the horrid din and shameful language, which made the place +tenfold more revolting. The man in charge of the cells sat dozing +stolidly by the stove, some distance away. His repose was not to +be disturbed by such familiar sounds. + +At last the woman became quiet, and Mildred breathed more freely, +until some mysterious sounds, suggesting that her terrible neighbor +was trying to open her door, awakened her fears, for even the +thought of her coming any nearer made her tremble. She therefore +sprang up and looked between the iron bars. At first she was perplexed +by what she saw, and then her heart stood still, for she soon made +out that the woman was hanging by the neck, from the highest bar +of her cell door. "Help," Mildred shrieked; "quick, if you would +save life." + +The man by the stove sprang up and rushed forward. + +"There, see--oh, be quick!" + +The jailer comprehended the situation at once, unlocked the door, +and cut the parts of her clothing which the woman had improvised +into a halter. She soon revived, and cursed him for his interference. +He now watched her carefully, paying no heed to her horrible tongue, +until the crazed stage of her intoxication passed into stupor. +[Footnote: The writer saw the cell in which, on the evening before, +the woman described tried twice to destroy herself. He also saw +the woman herself, when brought before the police justice. She had +seen twenty-five years, but in evil she seemed old indeed. According +to her story, she was a daughter of the uritans.] To Mildred he +said, reassuringly, "Don't be afraid; you're as safe as if you were +at home." + +"Home, home, home!" moaned the poor girl. "Oh, what a mockery that +word has become! My best hope may soon be to find one in heaven." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIV + +"A WISE JUDGE" + + +When the interminable night would end Mildred could not guess, for +no dawning was visible from her basement cell. The woman opposite +gradually became stupid and silent. Other prisoners were brought +in from time to time, but they were comparatively quiet. A young +girl was placed in a cell not far away, and her passionate weeping +was pitiful to hear. The other prisoners were generally intoxicated +or stolidly indifferent, and were soon making the night hideous +with their discordant respiration. + +The place had become so terrible to Mildred that she even welcomed +the presence of the policeman who had arrested her, and who at +last came to take her to the police court. Must she walk with him +through the streets in the open light of day? She feared she would +faint on what, in her weakness, would be a long journey, and her +heart gave a great throb of gratitude as she saw Eoger awaiting +her in the large general room, or entrance, to the station-house. +Nor was her appreciation of his kindness diminished when she saw +a man in attendance--evidently a waiter from a restaurant--with a +plate of sandwiches and a pot of coffee. Roger came forward, eagerly +grasping her hand, and there was so much solicitude and sympathy +in his dark eyes that her tears began to gather, and a faint color +to suffuse the pallor that at first had startled him. + +"Mr. Atwood," she murmured, "you are kindness itself, and I have +not deserved it. Forgive me. I will try not to fail you to-day, +for your respect sustains me, and I would not lose it." + +"I knew your brave spirit would second all our efforts," he +said in like low tones, and with a bright, grateful look. "Here, +waiter--come, Miss Jocelyn, it's by just such prosaic means that +soldiers sustain the fight. You'll dine at home." + +"Yes, hurry up," added the officer; "we have no time now for words +or ceremony." + +She ate a few mouthfuls, and drank some coffee. "I cannot take any +more now," she said to Roger. + +Oh, how plainly her womanly instinct divined his unbounded loyalty; +and, with bitter protest at her weakness, she knew with equal +certainty that she shrank from his love with her old, unconquerable +repugnance. With a dissimulation which even he did not penetrate, +she looked her thanks as the officer led the way to the street, +and said, "Since your friends provide the carriage, you can ride, +miss; only we can't part company." + +She stepped into the coach, the policeman taking the opposite seat. + +"Oh, God, how pale and wan she is! This will kill her," Roger +groaned, as she sprang up on the box with the driver. + +It was so early that few were abroad, and yet Mildred would not look +up. How could she ever look up again! The leaden clouds seemed to +rest upon the steeples of the churches. Churches! and such scenes +as she had witnessed, and such a wrong as hers, were taking place +under the shadow of their spires! + +Roger had passed as sleepless a night as had fallen to Mildred's +lot, and bitterly he regretted that he had been able to accomplish +so little. Mr. Wentworth was out of town, and would not be back for +a day or two. Then he sought the judge before whom Mildred would +appear the following morning, and learned, with dismay, that he, +too, had gone to a neighboring city, and would return barely in +time to open court at the usual hour! He had hoped that, by telling +his story beforehand, the judge would adopt his plan of discovering +the real culprit. This was still his hope, for, after long thought, +he determined not to employ counsel, fearing it would lead to a +prolongation of the case. His strong characteristic of self-reliance +led him to believe that he could manage the affair best alone, and +he was confident from his own inexperience. The rain had ceased, +and for hours he paced the wet pavement near the station-house, +finding a kind of satisfaction in being as near as possible to the +one he loved, though utterly unable to say a reassuring word. + +Having learned that the prisoners might ride to court if the means +were provided, he had a carriage ready long before the appointed +time, and his presence did much to nerve Mildred for the ordeal +she so much dreaded. + +On reaching the entrance at which the prisoners were admitted, +he sprang down to assist Mildred to alight; but the officer said +gruffly, "Stand back, young man; you must have your say in the +court-room. You are a little too officious." + +"No, sir; I'm only most friendly." + +"Well, well, we have our rules," and he led the trembling girl +within the stony portals, and she was locked up in what is termed +"the box," with the other female prisoners, who were now arriving +on foot. + +This was, perhaps, the worst experience she had yet endured, and +she longed for the privacy of her cell again. Never before had +she come in contact with such debased wrecks of humanity, and she +blushed for womanhood as she cowered in the furthest corner and +looked upon her companions--brutal women, with every vice stamped +on their bloated features. The majority were habitual drunkards, +filthy in person and foul of tongue. True to their depraved instincts, +they soon began to ridicule and revile one who, by contrast, proved +how fallen and degraded they were. And yet, not even from these +did the girl recoil with such horror as from some brazen harpies +who said words in her ear that made her hide her face with shame. +The officer in charge saw that she was persecuted, and sternly +interfered in her behalf, but from their hideous presence and +contact she could not escape. + +By some affinity not yet wholly obliterated, the girl she had heard +weeping in the night shrank to her side, and her swollen eyes and +forlorn appearance could not hide the fact that she was very young, +and might be very pretty. Mildred knew not what to say to her, but +she took her hand and held it. This silent expression of sympathy +provoked another outburst of grief, and the poor young creature +sobbed on Mildred's shoulder as if her heart were breaking. Mildred +placed a sustaining arm around her, but her own sustaining truth +and purity she could not impart. + +A partition only separated her from the "box"--which was simply a +large wooden pen with round iron bars facing the corridor--to which +the male prisoners were brought, one after another, by the policemen +who had arrested them. The arrival of the judge was somewhat delayed, +and may the reader never listen to such language as profaned her +ears during the long hour and a half before the opening of the +court. + +Fortunately her turn came rather early, and she at last was ushered +to the doorway which looked upon the crowded court-room, and her +heart throbbed with hope as she singled out her mother, Belle, Mrs. +Wheaton, and Roger, from among long lines of curious and repulsive +faces. The former kissed their hands to her, and tried to give wan, +reassuring smiles, which their tears belied. Roger merely bowed +gravely, and then, with an expression that was singularly alert and +resolute, gave his whole attention to all that was passing. After +recognizing her friends, Mildred turned to the judge, feeling that +she would discover her fate in his expression and manner. Was he +a kindly, sympathetic man, unhardened by the duties of his office? +She could learn but little from his grave, impassive face. She soon +feared that she had slight cause for hope, for after what seemed +to her an absurdly brief, superficial trial, she saw two of her +companions of the "box" sentenced to three months' imprisonment. +The decision, which to her had such an awful import, was pronounced +in an off-hand manner, and in the matter-of-fact tone with which +one would dispose of bales of merchandise, and the floods of tears +and passionate appeals seemingly had no more effect on the arbiter +of their fates than if he had been a stony image. She could not +know that they were old offenders, whose character was well known +to the judge and the officers that had arrested them. Such apparent +haphazard justice or injustice had a most depressing effect upon +her and the weeping girl who stood a little in advance. + +The next prisoner who appeared before the bar received very different +treatment. He was a middle-aged man, and had the appearance and +was clothed in the garb of a gentleman. With nervously trembling +hands and bowed head, he stood before the judge, who eyed him +keenly, after reading the charge of intoxication in the streets. + +"Have you ever been arrested before?" he asked. + +"No indeed, sir," was the low, emphatic reply. "Come up here; I +wish to speak with you." + +The officer in attendance took the half-comprehending man by the +elbow and led him up within the bar before the long desk which ran +the whole width of the court-room, and behind which the judge sat +with his clerks and assistants. + +"Now tell me all about it," said the judge, and the man in a few +words told his story without any palliation. With a gleam of hope +Mildred saw the expression of the judge's face change as he listened, +and when at last he replied, in tones so low that none could hear +them save he to whom they were addressed, she saw that look which +wins all hearts--the benignant aspect of one who might condemn for +evil, but who would rather win and save from evil. The man slowly +lifted his eyes to the speaker's face, and hope and courage began +to show themselves in his bearing. The judge brought his extortation +to a practical conclusion, for he said, "Promise me that with God's +help you will never touch the vile stuff again." + +The promise was evidently sincere and hearty. "Give me your hand +on it," said his Honor. + +The man started as if he could scarcely believe his ears, then +wrung the judge's hand, while his eyes moistened with gratitude. +"You are at liberty. Good-morning, sir;" and the man turned and +walked through the crowded court-room, with the aspect of one to +whom manhood had been restored. + +Hope sprang up in Mildred's heart, for she now saw that her fate +was not in the hands of a stony-hearted slave of routine. She looked +toward her relatives, and greeted their tearful smiles with a wan +glimmer of light on her own face, and then she turned to watch the +fortunes of the weeping girl who followed next in order. She did +not know the charge, but guessed it only too well from the judge's +face, as the officer who had arrested her made his low explanation. +She, too, was summoned within the rail, and the judge began to +question her. At first she was too greatly overcome by her emotions +to answer. As she cowered, trembled, and sobbed, she might well +have been regarded as the embodiment of that shame and remorse +which overwhelm fallen womanhood before the heart is hardened and +the face made brazen by years of vice. Patiently and kindly the +judge drew from her faltering lips some pitiful story, and then he +talked to her in low, impressive tones, that seemed to go straight +to her despairing soul. A kind, firm, protecting hand might then +have led her back to a life of virtue, for such had been her bitter +foretastes of the fruits of sin that surely she would have gladly +turned from them, could the chance have been given to her. The +judge mercifully remitted her punishment, and gave her freedom. +Who received her, as she turned her face toward the staring throng +that intervened between her and the street? Some large-hearted +woman, bent on rescuing an erring sister? Some agent of one of the +many costly charities of the city? No, in bitter shame, no. Only +the vile madam who traded on the price of her body and soul, and +who, with vulture-like eyes, had watched the scene. She only had +stood ready to pay the fine, if one had been imposed according to +the letter of the law. She only received the weak and friendless +creature, from whom she held as pledges all her small personal +effects, and to whom she promised immediate shelter from the +intolerable stare that follows such victims of society. The girl's +weak, pretty face, and soft, white hands were but too true an +index to her infirm will and character, and, although fluttering +and reluctant, she again fell helpless into the talons of the harpy. +Hapless girl! you will probably stand at this bar again, and full +sentence will then be given against you. The judge frowned heavily +as he saw the result of his clemency, and then, as if it were an +old story, he turned to the next culprit. Mildred had been much +encouraged as she watched the issue of the two cases just described; +but as her eyes followed the girl wistfully toward the door of +freedom she encountered the cold, malignant gaze of the man who +had charge of her department at the shop, and who she instinctively +felt was the cause of her shameful and dangerous position. By his side +sat the two women who had searched her and the leading foreman of +the store. Sick and faint from apprehension, she turned imploringly +toward Roger, who was regarding the floor-walker with such vindictive +sternness that she felt the wretch's hour of reckoning would soon +come, whatever might be her fate. This added to her trouble, for +she feared that she was involving Roger in danger. + +No time was given for thoughts on such side issues, for the prisoner +preceding her in the line was sentenced, after a trial of three +minutes--a summary proceeding that was not hope-inspiring. + +The name of Mildred Jocelyn was now called, and there was a murmur +of expectant interest in the court-room, for she was not by any +means an ordinary prisoner in appearance, and there were not a few +present who knew something of the case. The young girl was pushed +before the bar, and would gladly have clung to it, in order to +support her trembling form. But while she could not infuse vigor +into her overtaxed muscles, her brave spirit rallied to meet the +emergency, and she fixed her eyes unwaveringly upon the judge, +who now for the first time noticed her attentively, and it did not +escape her intensely quickened perceptions that his eyes at once +grew kindly and sympathetic. Sitting day after day, and year after +year, in his position, he had gained a wonderful insight into +character, and in Mildred's pure, sweet face he saw no evidence of +guilt or of criminal tendencies. It was, indeed, white with fear, +and thin from wearing toil and grief; but this very pallor made +it seem only more spiritual and free from earthliness, while every +feature, and the unconscious grace of her attitude, bespoke high +breeding and good blood. + +First, the officer who arrested her told his story, and then the +elder of the two women who searched her was summoned as the first +witness. The judge looked grave, and he glanced uneasily at the +prisoner from time to time; but the same clear, steadfast eyes +met his gaze, unsullied by a trace of guilt. Then the second woman +corroborated the story of her associate, and the judge asked, "How +came you to suspect the prisoner so strongly as to search her?" +and at this point the floor-walker was summoned. + +The vigilant magistrate did not fail to note the momentary glance +of aversion and horror which Mildred bestowed upon this man, and +then her eyes returned with so deep and pathetic an appeal to his +face that his heart responded, and his judgment led him also to +believe that there was error and perhaps wrong in the prosecution. +Still he was compelled to admit to himself that the case looked very +dark for the girl, who was gaining so strong a hold on his sympathy. + +"I must inform your Honor," began the witness plausibly, after +having been sworn, "that laces had been missed from the department +in which this girl was employed, and I was keenly on the alert, +as it was my duty to be. Some suspicious circumstances led me to +think that the prisoner was the guilty party, and the search proved +my suspicions to be correct." + +"What were the suspicious circumstances?" + +The man seemed at a loss for a moment. "Well, your Honor, she went +to the cloak-room yesterday afternoon," he said. + +"Do not all the girls go to the cloak-room occasionally?" + +"Yes, but there was something in her face and manner that fastened +my suspicions upon her." + +"What evidences of guilt did you detect?" + +"I can scarcely explain--nothing very tangible. The evidences of +guilt were found on her person, your Honor." + +"Yes, so much has been clearly shown." + +"And she was very reluctant to be searched, which would not have +been the case had she been conscious of innocence." + +The woman who searched her was now asked, "Did she shrink from +search, in such a manner as to betoken guilt?" + +"I can't say that she did show any fear of being searched by us," +was the reply. "She refused to be searched in the private office +of the firm." + +"That is, in the presence of men? Quite naturally she did." Then to +the floor-walker, "Have your relations with this girl been entirely +friendly?" + +"I am glad to say I have no relations with her whatever. My relations +are the same that I hold to the other girls--merely to see that +they do their duty." + +"You are perfectly sure that you have never cherished any ill-will +toward her?" + +"So far from it, I was at first inclined to be friendly." + +"What do you mean by the term friendly?" + +"Well, your Honor" (a little confusedly), "the term seems plain +enough." + +"And she did not reciprocate your friendship?" was the keen query. + +"After I came to know her better, I gave her no occasion to reciprocate +anything; and, pardon me, your Honor, I scarcely see what bearing +these questions have on the plain facts in the case." + +A slight frown was the only evidence that the judge had noted the +impertinent suggestion that he did not know his business. + +"Are you perfectly sure that you cherish no ill-will toward the +prisoner?" + +"I simply wish to do my duty by my employers. I eventually learned +that her father was an opium-eater and a sot, and I don't fancy +that kind of people. That is my explanation," he concluded, with +a large attempt at dignity, and in a tone that he evidently meant +all should hear. + +"Her father is not on trial, and that information was uncalled for. +Have you any further testimony?" the judge asked coldly. + +"No, sir," and he stepped down amid a suppressed hiss in the +court-room, for the spectators evidently shared in the antipathy +with which he had inspired the keen-eyed but impassive and reticent +magistrate, who now beckoned Mildred to step up close to him, and +she came to him as if he were her friend instead of her judge. +He was touched by her trust; and her steadfast look of absolute +confidence made him all the more desirous of protecting her, if he +could find any warrant for doing so. She said to him unmistakably +by her manner, "I put myself in your hands." + +"My child," the judge began seriously, yet kindly, "this is a very +grave charge that is brought against you, and if it is your wish +you can waive further trial before me at this stage of proceedings, +for unless you can prove yourself innocent at this preliminary +examination, your case must be heard before a higher court. Perhaps +you had better obtain counsel, and have the whole matter referred +at once to the grand jury." + +"I would rather be tried by you, sir," Mildred replied, in a +vibrating voice full of deep, repressed feeling; "I am innocent. +It would be like death to me to remain longer under this shameful +charge. I have confidence in you. I know I am guiltless. Please +let me be tried now, NOW, for I cannot endure it any longer." + +"Very well, then;" and he handed her a small, grimy Bible, that, +no doubt, had been kissed by scores of perjured lips. But Mildred +pressed hers reverently upon it, as she swore to "tell the truth, +the whole truth, and nothing but the truth." + +After a few preliminary questions as to age, etc., the justice +said, reassuringly, "Now tell your story briefly and clearly." + +It was indeed a brief story, and it had the impress of truth; but +his Honor looked very grave as he recognized how little there was +in it to refute the positive testimony already given. "Have you +witnesses?" he asked. + +"My mother and sister are present, and--and--a young man who thinks +he knows something in my favor." + +"I will hear your mother first," said the judge, believing that in +her he would find the chief source of character; and when the sad, +refined gentlewoman stood beside her daughter, he was all the more +convinced that the girl ought to be innocent, and that all his +insight into character and its origin would be at fault if she were +not. In low, eager tones, Mrs. Jocelyn spoke briefly of their +misfortunes, and testified as to Mildred's conduct. "She has +been an angel of patience and goodness in our home," she said, in +conclusion; "and if this false charge succeeds, we shall be lost +and ruined indeed. My daughter's pastor is out of town, and in our +poverty we have few friends who could be of any service. An old +neighbor, Mrs. Wheaton, is present, and will confirm my words, if +you wish; but we would thank your Honor if you will call Mr. Roger +Atwood, who says he has information that will aid my child." + +"Very well, madam," responded the judge kindly, "we will hear Mr. +Atwood." + +Roger was now sworn, while Mrs. Jocelyn returned to her seat. In +the young fellow's frank, honest face the judge found an agreeable +contrast with the ill-omened visage of the floor-walker, whose good +looks could not hide an evil nature. + +"I must beg your Honor to listen to me with patience," Roger began +in a low tone, "for my testimony is peculiar, and does not go far +enough unless furthered by your Honor's skill in cross-questioning;" +and in eager tones, heard only by the judge, he told what he +had seen, and suggested his theory that if the girl, whom he had +followed two evenings before, could be examined previous to any +communication with her accomplice, she would probably admit the +whole guilty plot. + +The judge listened attentively, nodding approvingly as Roger +finished, and said, "Leave me to manage this affair. I wish you to +go at once with an officer, point out this girl to him, and bring +her here. She must not have communication with any one. Nor must +anything be said to her relating to the case by either you or the +officer. Leave her wholly to me." + +A subpoena was made out immediately and given to a policeman, with +a few whispered and emphatic injunctions, and Roger was told to +accompany him. + +"This case is adjourned for the present. You may sit with your +mother within the railing," he added kindly to Mildred. + +The floor-walker had been watching the turn that the proceedings +were taking with great uneasiness, and now was eager to depart, +in order to caution the girl that Roger was in pursuit of against +admitting the least knowledge of the affair; but the judge was too +quick for him, and remarked that he was not through with him yet, +and requested that he and the representative of the firm should remain. +The two women who had testified against Mildred were permitted to +depart. Then, as if dismissing the case from his mind, he proceeded +to dispose of the other prisoners. + +Belle joined her sister, and greeted her with great effusiveness, +looking ready to champion her against the world; but they at last +quieted her, and waited with trembling impatience and wonder for +the outcome of Roger's mission. + +The girl who had been led to wrong Mildred so greatly returned to the +shop that morning with many misgivings, which were much increased +when she learned what had occurred. She also felt that her accomplice +had dealt treacherously in allowing such serious proceedings against +Mildred, for he had promised that she should be merely taxed with +theft and warned to seek employment elsewhere. "If he deceives in +one respect he will in another, and I'm not safe from arrest either," +she said to herself, and she made so many blunders in her guilty +preoccupation that she excited the surprise of her companions. As +she was waiting on a customer she heard a voice remark, "That's the +girl," and looking up she grew faint and white as she saw, standing +before her, a policeman, who served his subpoena at once, saying, +"You must go with me immediately." + +Frightened and irresolute, she stammered that she knew nothing +about the affair. + +"Well, then, you must come and tell his Honor so." + +"Must I go?" she appealed to one of the firm, who happened to be +near. + +"Certainly," he replied, examining the subpoena; "go and tell all +you know, or if you don't know anything, say so." + +"I don't see why I should be dragged into the case--" she began +brazenly. + +"There's the reason," said the officer impatiently; "that subpoena +has the power of bringing any man or woman in the city." + +Seeing that resistance was useless, she sullenly accompanied them +to a street-car, and was soon in readiness to be called upon for +her testimony. The judge having disposed of the case then on trial, +Mildred was again summoned to the bar, and the unwilling witness +was sent for. She only had time to cast a reproachful glance at +the man who, she feared, had betrayed her, and who tried, by his +manner, to caution her, when the judge demanded her attention, he +having in the meantime noted the fellow's effort. + +"Stand there," he said, placing her so that her back was toward +the man who sought to signal silence. "Officer, swear her. Now," +he resumed severely, "any deviation from the truth, and the whole +truth, will be perjury, which, you know, is a State-prison offence. +I can assure you most honestly that it will be better for you, in +all respects, to hide nothing, for you will soon discover that I +know something about this affair." + +After the preliminary questions, which were asked with impressive +solemnity, he demanded, "Did you not leave the shop on Tuesday +evening, and pass up the Avenue to----Street?" + +"Yes, sir." + +"Did you not look back twice, to see if you were followed?" + +"I may have looked back." + +"You don't deny it, then?" + +"No, sir." + +"Did not Mr. Bissel, the floor-walker, join you in----Street, before +you had gone very far?" + +"Ye--yes, sir," with a start. + +"Did he not say something that agitated you very much?" + +"He may have frightened me," she faltered. + +"Yes, he probably did; but why? Did you not make a strong gesture +of protest against what he said?" + +"Yes, sir," with a troubled stare at the judge. + +"Did you not go on with him very quietly and submissively, after +a moment or two?" + +"Yes, sir," and her face now was downcast, and she began to tremble. + +"Did you not enter a covered alley-way, that led to tenements in +the rear?" + +"Yes, sir," with increasing agitation. + +"Well, what did you do there?" + +"Has he told on me, your Honor?" she gasped, with a sudden flood +of tears. + +"What he has done is no concern of yours. You are under oath to +tell the whole truth. There was a single gas-jet burning in the +covered passage-way, was there not?" + +"Yes, sir," sobbing violently. + +"Has Miss Mildred Jocelyn ever wronged you?" + +"N--no, sir, not that I know of." + +"Now tell me just what occurred under that gas-jet." + +"I'll tell your Honor the whole truth," the girl burst out, "if +your Honor'll let me off this time. It's my first offence, and +we're poor, and I was driven to it by need, and he promised me that +Miss Jocelyn wouldn't suffer anything worse than a warning to find +another place." + +Believing that her accomplice had betrayed her, she told the whole +story without any concealment, fully exonerating Mildred. Although +the judge maintained his stern, impassive aspect throughout the +scene, he hugely enjoyed the floor-walker's dismay and confusion, +and his tortured inability to warn the girl to deny everything. + +"Please, your Honor, forgive me this time," sobbed the trembling +witness in conclusion, "and I'll never do wrong again." + +"I have no right or power to punish you," replied the judge; "it +rests wholly with your employers whether they will prosecute you +or not. Send that floor-walker here" (to an officer). "Well, sir, +what have you to say to this testimony?" he asked, as the fellow +shuffled forward, pale and irresolute. "Remember, you are still +under oath." + +The wily villain, caught in his own trap, hesitated. He was tempted +to deny that the plot against Mildred was at his instigation; but, +like the girl, he saw that the judge had mysterious information on +the subject, and he could not tell how far this knowledge went. If +he entered on a series of denials he might be confronted by another +witness. The young man who had been sent to identify the girl, and +whose unexpected presence had brought such disaster, might have +been concealed in the passage-way, and so have seen and heard all. +With the fear of an indictment for perjury before his eyes the +fellow began to whine. + +"I was only trying to protect the interests of my employers. I had +suspected the Jocelyn girl--" At this there arose from the court-room +a loud and general hiss, Which the judge repressed, as he sternly +interposed, + +"We have nothing to do with your suspicions. Do you deny the +testimony?" + +"No, sir; but--" + +"That's enough. No words; step down." Then turning to Mildred, he +said kindly and courteously, "Miss Jocelyn, it gives me pleasure +to inform you that your innocence has been clearly shown. I should +also inform you that this man Bissel has made himself liable +to suit for damages, and I hope that you will prosecute him. I am +sorry that you have been subjected to so painful an ordeal. You +are now at liberty." + +"I thank--oh, I thank and bless your Honor," said Mildred, with +such a depth of gratitude and gladness in her face that the judge +smiled to himself several times that day. It was like a burst of +June sunshine after a storm. While the witness was admitting the +facts which would prove her guiltless, Mildred was scarcely less +agitated than the wretched girl herself; but her strong excitement +showed itself not by tears, but rather in her dilated eyes, nervously +trembling form, and quickly throbbing bosom. Now that the tension +was over she sank on a bench near, and covering her eyes, from +which gushed a torrent of tears, with her hands, murmured audibly, +"Thank God! oh, thank God! He has not deserted me after all." + +Looks of strong sympathy were bent upon her from all parts of the +room, and even the judge himself was so much affected that he took +prompt refuge in the duties of his office, and summoning the foreman +of the shop, said, "You may inform your employers how matters +stand." This functionary had been regarding the later stage of the +proceedings in undisguised astonishment, and now hastened to depart +with his tidings, the floor-walker following him with the aspect +of a whipped cur, and amid the suppressed groans and hisses of the +spectators. The girl, too, slunk away after them in the hope of +making peace with her employers. + +The judge now observed that Roger had buttonholed a reporter, who +had been dashing off hieroglyphics that meant a spicy paragraph the +following day. Summoning the young man, he said, as if the affair +were of slight importance, "Since the girl has been proved innocent, +and will have no further relation to the case, I would suggest +that, out of deference to her friends and her own feelings, there +be no mention of her name," and the news-gatherer good-naturedly +acceded to the request. + +A new case was called, and new interests, hopes, and fears agitated +the hearts of other groups, that had been drawn to the judgment-seat +by the misfortunes or crimes of those bound to them by various +ties. + +Mrs. Jocelyn would not leave the place, which she had so dreaded, +until Roger could accompany them, and they chafed at every moment +of delay that prevented their pouring out their thanks. But Mildred's +heart was too full for words. She fully understood how great +a service he had rendered her. She bitterly reproached herself for +all her prejudice in the past, and was in a mood for any self-sacrifice +that he would ask. Tears of deep and mingled feeling fell fast, +and she longed to escape from the staring crowd. Not before such +witnesses could she speak and look the gratitude she felt. + +With downcast eyes and quivering lips she followed her mother--to +whom Roger had given his arm--from the court-room. A carriage stood +at the door, into which Mrs. Jocelyn was hurried before she could +speak; then turning so promptly that there was no chance even for +exuberant Belle or the effervescing Mrs. Wheaton to utter a syllable, +Roger seized Mildred's hand, and said earnestly, "Thanks for your +aid, Miss Jocelyn. I thought you were the bravest girl in the world, +and you have proved it. I am as glad as you are, and this is the +happiest moment in my life. I've just one favor to ask--please rest, +and don't worry about anything--not ANYTHING. That's all. Good-by, +for I must be off to business;" and before she or any of them could +speak he caught a swiftly passing street-car and disappeared. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXV + +"I AM SO PERPLEXED" + + +The little group that Roger left on the sidewalk looked after him +in a dazed manner for a moment, and then Belle exclaimed, a trifle +indignantly, "Well, I declare, if he hasn't thanked you, instead +of you thanking him." + +Mildred sprang into the carriage, feeling that she must have some +refuge at once, and, burying her face on her mother's shoulder, +burst into another passion of tears. + +"There, there," said Mrs. Wheaton, as they were driven toward their +home; "the poor child's 'eart is too full for hany neat speeches +now. Ven they meets hagain she'll thank him with heyes an' 'and, +better than hany vords 'ere hon the street. He vas too bright a +chap to take his thanks in this 'ere public place." + +To their surprise, Mildred raised her head, and replied, in strong +protest, "You do him wrong, Mrs. Wheaton. He was so modest and manly +that he wished to escape all thanks. He has taken a noble revenge +on me for all my stupid prejudice." + +"That's right," cried ecstatic Belle. "Honest confession is +good for the soul. I'll admit that most men and women are made of +dust--street dust at that--but Roger Atwood is pure gold. He has +the quickest brain and steadiest hand of any fellow in the world, +and he'll stand up at the head before he's gray." + +Fortunately, Mr. Jocelyn was not at home when they returned, and they +had a chance to take a quiet breath after their strong excitement. +Mrs. Wheaton, with many hearty congratulations and words of cheer, +took her departure. Mrs. Jocelyn was justly solicitous about +Mildred, fearing that the reaction from an ordeal that would tax +the strongest might bring utter prostration to her delicate and +sensitive organism. Mildred's manner soon threatened to realize her +worst fears. She had passed a sleepless night, and was faint from +fatigue, and yet, as the hours lapsed, she grew more nervously +restless. Her eyes were hot and dry, sometimes so full of resolution +that they were stern in their steadfastness, and again her face +expressed a pathetic irresoluteness and sadness that made the +mother's heart ache. + +"Millie," she whispered, as she came to the bed on which the girl +was tossing restlessly, "there's something on your mind. Mother's +eyes are quick in reading the face of her child. You are thinking--you +are debating something that won't let you rest, when you need rest +so much. Oh, Millie darling, my heart was growing apathetic--it +seemed almost dead in my breast. I've suffered on account of your +father, till it seemed as if I couldn't suffer any more; but your +peril and your troubled face teach me that it is not dead, and that +my best solace now is devotion to my children. What is it, Millie, +that you are turning over in your mind, which makes you look so +desperately sad and fearful, and again--and then your expression +frightens me--so determined as if you were meditating some step, +which, I fear, you ought not to take? Oh, Millie, my child, the +worst that I know about is bad enough, God knows, but your face +makes me dread that you may be led by your troubles to do something +which you would not think of were you less morbid and overwrought. +I may have seemed to you a poor, weak woman in all of our troubles, +but mother's love is strong, if her mind and body are not." + +"Mamma, mamma, do not judge me or yourself so harshly. You have +always been my ideal, mamma, and I was thinking of nothing worse +than how to rescue you and the others from your desperate straits. +How can we go on living in this way, your heart breaking, your +poor, frail body overtaxed with coarse labor, and Belle, Minnie, +and Fred becoming contaminated by our dreadful surroundings. The +shock I've received has awakened me from my old apathy. I see that +while I just toiled for daily bread, and a little of it too, we +were drifting down, down. Papa grows worse and worse. Belle is in +danger; and what will become of Fred and Minnie if they remain long +amid such scenes? Only yesterday morning I heard Fred quarrelling +with another little boy on the landing, and lisping out oaths in +his anger. Oh, mamma, we must be able to look forward to some escape +from all this, or else you will soon give way to despair, and the +worst will come. Oh that I were a man! Oh that I knew how to do +something, through which I could earn enough to put papa into an +institution, such as I have read of, and give you a home worthy +of the name. But I cannot. I can only do what thousands of others +can do, and take my chances with them in getting work. And now +I seem so broken down in body and soul that I feel as if I could +never work again. There seems to be one way, mamma, in which I +can help you." And then she hesitated, and a deep, burning flush +crimsoned the face that was so pale before. "Well," she said, at +last, in a kind of desperation, "I might as well speak plainly, if +I speak at all. It's no secret to you how Roger Atwood feels toward +me, and also, mamma, you know my heart. While I could kiss his +hand in gratitude, while I would not shrink from any suffering for +his sake, to show how deeply I appreciate the priceless service +he has rendered me, still, mamma, mamma, I'm only a woman, and am +cursed with all the perversity of a woman's heart. Oh, what a loyal +friend, what a devoted sister I could be to him! Mamma, can't you +understand me?" + +"Yes, Millie," sadly answered her mother. + +"Well, mamma, I'm so perplexed. It seems for his sake, since we have +become so poor and disgraced, that I ought to refuse his suit. To +the world, and especially to his friends, it will appear dreadfully +selfish that we should link our wretched fortunes to his, and so +cloud his prospects and impede his progress. I can't tell you how +I dread such criticism. And yet, mamma, you know--no, mamma, even +you cannot understand how great would be my self-sacrifice, when +to others it will appear that I am only too glad to cling to one +who gives some promise of better days. But the turning point has now +come. Hitherto my manner toward Mr. Atwood has been unmistakable, +and he has understood me; and were he obtuseness itself he could +not fail to understand me. But after what has happened I cannot +treat him so any longer. It would be shameful ingratitude. Indeed, +in my cell last night I almost vowed that if he would prove me +innocent--if he would save you and Belle and the children, I would +make any sacrifice that he would ask. If I feel this way he will +know it, for he almost reads my thoughts, he is so quick, and his +feeling for me is so deep. And yet, mamma, now that I have thought +more I fear that in sacrificing my own heart I am also sacrificing +him. His friends will think so, at least. He is so young, chivalric, +and unworldly that he may think it a noble thing to help us fight +out our battle; but will he think so in coming years? Will he think +so if the struggle is long and hard? Will he think so if we impede +and retard him? Alas, will he think so if he finds that I can give +him only gratitude and respect? Oh, mamma, I am so perplexed. I +don't want to wrong him; I can't see you suffer on hopelessly and +helplessly, and therefore it seems I ought to give him the right +to help us should he seek for it, as I feel sure he will if I show +any relenting. We could not be married for a long time; but if we +were engaged he could do much to shield and protect us all; and +now, alas, we have no protector. Belle needs one--oh, how sorely +she needs one--and what would have been my fate had he not come to +my aid? It would seem heartless in me to say simply, Thank you, sir; +and yet, what heart have I to give in exchange for his devotion? He +deserves so much, and I can give so little. Oh, mamma, will an old +love die and a new one grow because they--because you wish it, and +pray for it? I am so perplexed, so tossed and torn by my conflicting +thoughts and feelings that my poor brain reels, and it seems as +if I should lose my reason. And yet I must decide upon some course, +for if, after his loyalty to me, I give him hope, I'll not disappoint +him if I died a thousand times--no, not if Vinton Arnold came and +laid all his wealth at my feet; I can see his love in every glance +of his eye, still more can I feel it when he is near me; and if I +offer him friendship or a sister's affection, it will seem to him +like giving a stone for bread. But I must offer him only these +or else give him hope--a hope that it would now be dishonor to +disappoint. Mamma, mamma, what shall I do--what ought I to do?" + +During this outpouring of her child's soul Mrs. Jocelyn was much +agitated, and wiped tear after tear from her eyes. The impulse of +her loyal, unworldly heart was first to take sides with Mildred's +faithfulness to her earliest love, but her reason condemned such +a course so positively that she said all she could against it. +"Millie," she began, falteringly at first, "I feel with you and +for you deeply. I know your rare quality of fidelity--of constancy. +You are an old-fashioned Southern girl in this respect. While I +would not have you wrong your heart, you must not blindly follow +its impulses. It is often said that women have no reason, though +some are calculating enough, Heaven knows. Surely, Millie, this is +a case in which you should take some counsel of your reason, your +judgment; and believe me, darling, I speak more for your sake than +ours. While I admit that Roger has become very dear to me, I would +not sacrifice you, my love, even in our sore straits. It is of you +I think chiefly. I cannot endure the thought that the future of my +darling child may be utterly blighted. I cannot bear to think of +your settling down into a weary working-woman, with nothing to look +forward to but daily drudgery for daily bread." + +"I do not dread that so much, mamma--oh, nothing like so much--as +a long and perhaps a vain effort to love one who has a sacred right +to love as well as loyalty." + +"Millie, you don't know how lonely and desolate your life might +become. Millie--forgive me for saying it--your old love is utterly +vain." + +"I know it, mamma," said Mildred, with a low sob. + +"Therefore, my darling, the sweetness and goodness of your young +life ought not to be wasted on that which is vain and empty. If +Mr. Arnold were worthy of your affections he would not have left +you all this time without even a word. And, Millie, we may as well +face the truth: we never belonged to the Arnolds' world, and it was +wicked folly, for which I suffer hourly remorse, that we ever tried +to approach it. If, instead of attempting to live like our rich +neighbors, I had saved a goodly portion of your father's income, +all might have been so different; but I was never taught to save, +and I was just blind--blind. I never see your father but the thought +comes, like a stab in the heart, I might have prevented it. Oh, +if I had only stayed with him! It was during that fatal separation +that he formed the habit which will cause his death and mine." +(Poor Mrs. Jocelyn always remained under this illusion.) + +"Oh, mamma, mamma, don't talk that way: I can't bear it." + +"I must prepare you, Millie, darling, for what I clearly foresee. +Martin is destroying himself, and I shall not long survive him. +Oh, Millie, it's a terrible thing to love a weak man as I love your +father. I love him so that his course is killing me. It could not +be otherwise, for I am much to blame. Don't interrupt me; I am +speaking these bitter words for your ultimate good. Your life is +before you--" + +"Mamma, how can my life be before me if you die broken-hearted?" + +"Because you are young. You know that it would add tenfold bitterness +to my already overflowing cup if I saw no chance for you, Belle, +and the little ones. You may soon have to be mother and sister both. +I forewarn you, because, as Roger says, you are strong as well as +gentle, and you must not just drift helplessly toward we know not +what. Oh, Millie, my poor crushed heart must have one consolation +before it is at rest. Roger is not, and never will be, a weak man. +It is not in his nature to give way to fatal habits. I, too, with +a woman's eye, have seen his deep, strong affection for you, and +with a mother's jealous love I have studied his character. He is +a young giant, Millie, whom you unconsciously awoke to manhood. He +comes of a sturdy, practical race, and unites to their shrewdness +a chivalric Southern heart and large brain. He doesn't begin to +know, himself, how much of a man he is, but the experience of life +will fast develop him. He is one who will master circumstances, +and not be molded by them. Obstacles will only stimulate his will. +Your prejudice and dislike have not made him falter a moment. In +the heart of a girl like you, Millie, I truly believe that a new +love for such a man will surely spring up, and grow and strengthen +with each succeeding year, and you would be worthy of him. You +could make him happy, and eventually add greatly to his success. +He is sure to become eminent, and be burdened with many large +affairs, and the home you could make for him would be a refuge +and a resting-place from which he would go out daily, strong and +refreshed. Let his friends say what they please at first. He has +his own career to make, and in his choice of you he has shown how +unerring and sound his instincts are, and you can prove them so, +and will, I think, when time has given your morbid and unhappy +heart its healthful tone. Mrs. Wheaton has done much work at his +uncle's house, and Mrs. Atwood talks to her quite freely. Mrs. +Wheaton says they are wealthy, although they live so plainly, and +that Mr. Atwood, Roger's uncle, is wonderfully taken with the young +man, and means to give him a chance to climb among the highest, if +he continues to be so steady and persevering. Of course you know +that Roger will never be anything else than steady. And Mrs. Wheaton +also says that Mr. Atwood will, no doubt, leave everything to him, +for he has no children." + +"I am sorry you have told me this," sighed Mildred; "it would have +been hard enough at best, but I should feel almost mercenary now." + +"Oh, Millie, you are too morbid and proud for anything," expostulated +Mrs. Jocelyn, in whom no misfortune or sorrow could wholly blot out +her old, mild passion for making good matches for her daughters--good +matches in the right sense of the word--for she would look for +worth, or what seemed worth to her, as well as the wealth that is +too often considered solely. She had sought to involve Vinton Arnold +by innocent wiles, and now, in pathetic revival of her old trait, +she was even more bent on providing for Mildred by securing a man +after her own heart. Love for her daughter, far more than ambition, +was the main-spring of her motive, and surely her gentle schemes were +not deserving of a very harsh judgment. She could not be blamed +greatly for looking with wistful eyes on the one ray of light +falling on her darkening path. + +After a brief, troubled silence Mrs. Jocelyn resumed, with pathos +and pleading in her voice, "Millie, darling, if this could all be, +it would brighten my last days." + +"There, there, mamma; as far as I CAN carry out your wishes, it shall +be. I had already virtually promised it, and I should be perverse +indeed could I not do all--all in my power to brighten your sad life. +But, darling mamma, you must promise to live in return. A palace +would be desolate if you were not seated in the snuggest corner of +the hearth. I'll try to love him; I know I ought to give my whole +heart to one who is so worthy, and who can do so much to brighten +your life." + +"Blessings on you, Millie. You will soon learn to return all his +affection. You are both young, and it will probably be years before +you can be married. In the meantime you will have a protector and +friend who will have the right to aid you. You were slowly dying +for want of air and change and hope. You worked all day, and shut +yourself up in this miserable place at night, and it could not +last; as your affianced he can take your part against the world, +and protect Belle; and during the years while he is making his way +upward, you will learn to love him. You will become interested in +his studies, hopes, and prospects. You will encourage, and at the +same time prevent undue application, for no man knows how to take +care of himself. He can be our deliverer, and you his good angel. +Your relations and long engagement may not be exactly conventional; +but he is not conventional, neither is your need nor our sad fortunes. +Since God has put within our reach this great alleviation of our +sorrow, ought we to refuse it?" + +"Set your mind at rest, mamma; you have made duty plain. I will do +my best, and it now all rests with Roger." + +"Millie, you are a dear, good child," said the mother brokenly, +and with smiles shining like light through her tears; and after a +close embrace she went out, closing the door that the weary girl +might rest at last. + +When alone, Mildred turned her face to the wall and breathed, like +the lowest and saddest note of a wind-touched harp, "Vinton, Vinton +Arnold, farewell forever. I must look for you no more--I must think +of you no more. Oh, perverse heart, be still!" + +But a decision had been reached, and her perplexed mind had at last +found the rest of a fixed resolve. Then nature asserted her right, +and she slept long and heavily. When she awoke, the lamp was lighted +in the one living-room, from which came the sounds of an unsteady +step and a thick, rough voice. She trembled, for she knew that her +father had come home again intoxicated--an event that was becoming +terribly frequent of late. She felt too weak and nerveless to go +out and look upon their living disgrace, and lay still with long, +sighing breaths. "Even Mr. Atwood will turn from us in disgust, +when he realizes papa's degradation," she thought. "Alas! can it +be right to cloud his bright young life with such a shameful stain! +Oh, if it were not selfish, I could wish to die and escape from it +all." + +At last the heavy, shuffling step passed into the adjoining bedroom, +and soon the wretched man was in stupor. As Mildred came out she +saw Belle, who had returned from her work, looking toward the room +in which her father slept, with a lowering, reckless expression +that made her sister shudder. + +Mildred tried to banish evil thoughts by putting her arm around +the young girl's neck and kissing her between the eyes. "Don't look +so, Belle," she whispered. + +"Where is that to end?" Belle asked, in a strange, harsh voice, +pointing toward the room. "Millie, I can't stand this life much +longer." + +"Oh, Belle, don't forget there is a heaven beyond this life." + +"It's too far beyond. Look here, Millie; since God don't answer +mamma's prayers, I haven't much faith in anything. See what +undeserved trouble came upon you too. If it hadn't been for Roger +you would have been in prison to-night, and we'd have been alone +here with a drunken father. How can one have faith and try to be +good when such things happen?" + +"Belle," said Mildred, with a solemnity that made the reckless, +discouraged girl turn pale, "you had better take a knife from that +table and stab mamma than do anything wrong." + +"Oh, hush!" whispered Belle, for Mrs. Jocelyn now entered with the +children, whom she was glad to have away when the unnatural father +returned, even though she knew they were with the wild young Arabs +of the tenement. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVI + +A WOMAN'S HEART + + +Mrs. Jocelyn and her daughters were silent and depressed during +their meagre supper, for they never could become accustomed to the +terrible skeleton in their household. When Mr. Jocelyn confined +himself solely to opium he was not so revolting, but common, beastly +intoxication was unendurable. They felt that it was brutalizing his +very soul, and becoming a millstone around their necks which must +drag them down to some unknown abyss of infamy. Mechanically +they went through the motions of eating, the mother and daughters +forcing down the little food they could afford, and the children +ravenously devouring all that was given to them. As Mildred saw +the mother trying to slip unnoticed her almost untasted supper from +her plate to Fred's, she laid a hand upon her arm and said: + +"No, mamma; remember you are to live," she added in a low whisper, +and the poor creature tried to smile and was submissive. + +With a pathetic maintenance of their old-time habits, they had +scarcely cleared away the supper-table, put the children to rest, +and made the poor little place as neat and inviting as possible, +when Mr. Wentworth appeared, followed by Roger. Mildred had been +expecting the latter with trepidation, Belle with impatience; and +the hard, lowering look on the face of the young girl gave way to +one of welcome and pleasure, for if Belle's good moods were apt +to be transient, so were her evil ones, and the hearty, healthy +spirits of the young fellow were contagious. Mildred was greatly +relieved to see Mr. Wentworth, for while she had fully resolved to +yield to Roger's suit, her heart, despite her will, welcomed delay. +She was also glad that her pastor was present, for she could now +show her strong gratitude without fear of immediate and embarrassing +results. She was therefore more prompt even than Belle, and, taking +the young man's hand in both of her own, she said, with tears in +her eyes: + +"Why didn't you let me thank you this morning? My gratitude has +been growing every moment, and you must take it all or I shall +sink under it. Mr. Wentworth, I should have been in some horrible +prison to-night, with my heart breaking from sorrow and shame, +if it were not for this kind, generous friend, Mr. Atwood. I long +cherished an unreasoning prejudice against you, and showed it openly. +You have taken a strange revenge. No Southern gentleman could have +acted more nobly, and a Southern girl could not use stronger praise +than that." + +Roger's hand, usually so strong and steady, trembled. These words, +warm from the heart of the girl who had hitherto been so distant +and unapproachable, almost took away his breath. "Please don't," +he faltered. "Such gratitude--such words--from you oppress me. I +don't deserve such thanks. Any decent man would have been glad to +save one who was so good and so wronged, and I shall always regard +it as the luckiest event of my life that I happened to be the one +to aid you. Oh, you don't know, you never can know what immense +good-fortune it was." Then, as if fearing he might lose his self-control, +he broke hastily away to greet Mrs. Jocelyn, but Belle caught him +with the impulse of the warm-hearted sister she had become, and +throwing her arm around his neck exclaimed, "I'm going to pay you +with the best coin I have." And she kissed him again and again. + +"Oh, Jupiter!" gasped the blushing youth. "Bless that floor-walker +and all his deviltry! I shall let him off just a little for this." + +"No, don't. I'll give you another kiss if you'll get even with +him," Belle whispered. + +"It's a bargain," he said in her ear, and Belle ratified the compact +immediately. + +"Oh," thought Mildred, in the depths of her heart, "if it were only +Belle instead of me!" + +Mrs. Jocelyn's greeting was scarcely less demonstrative than Belle's, +but there was a motherly tenderness in it that brought tears into +the young fellow's eyes. "Blessings on you, my dear good boy," she +murmured, "and a mother's blessing will do you no harm." + +"Look here," said Roger brusquely, "if you don't let up on a fellow +I shall make a confounded fool of myself." And his lip quivered as +if he were a boy in truth. + +Mr. Wentworth, who in their strong feeling had been quite ignored, +at first looked on with smiling sympathy. Mildred had given him the +hand that Roger released, and holding it in a warm clasp he did not +speak at first, but watched a scene that had for him the attractions +of a real drama. He now did not help Roger much by saying, in his +hearty way, "That's right; lay it on strong; he deserves all, and +more. Miss Mildred, I have been yellow with envy for the last two +hours because I was absent. I would have eulogized you so in court +that the judge would have addressed you as Saint Mildred, and yet +it's but honest to say that you would have gone to jail like many +a saint before you had not Roger got hold of the facts which enabled +the judge to prove you innocent. The law is awfully matter-of-fact, +and that lace on your person had to be accounted for." + +"Yes, yes," cried Belle, "tell us everything. We've been dying with +curiosity all day, and you've been so mysterious and important, and +have put on such airs, that you quite awed me. Seems to me that +for a country boy you are blossoming fast." + +"It isn't necessary for a country boy to be a fool, especially when +he has eyes," replied Roger in an off-hand way. "It's all simple +enough. I happened to be passing the store where Miss Mildred--" + +"Happened to be passing! How often did you happen to pass?" Belle +interrupted, with a face full of mischief. + +"You are not a judge, ma'am, and so can't cross-question," he answered, +with a quick blush but a defiant little nod, "and if you were, no +one is obliged to incriminate himself. I was merely passing, and +the movements of that scamp, Bissel, slightly awakened my curiosity, +and I followed him and the girl. I was exceedingly fortunate, and +saw enough to enable the judge to draw from the girl the whole story. +Now you see what a simple, prosaic part I played. Miss Jocelyn, +in keeping up so bravely through scenes and experiences that were +perfectly horrible to her, is the heroine of the piece. By Jove!--beg +your pardon, Mr. Wentworth--it was as good as a play to see how she +looked her innocence into the heart and mind of the judge. I saw +the judicial frost in his eyes melting like two icicles on the south +side of a barn. Oh, the judge could see as far into a millstone as +the next man," he continued, laughing, as if he relished the memory +hugely. "After those horrid old hags were sent along so fast to where +they belonged, he looked when Miss Jocelyn appeared as if a whole +picture gallery were before him. He could keep up his official +regulation manner, but his eyes paid a certain prisoner many +compliments." + +"Roger, you've got the eyes of a lynx," said Belle, and Mildred +was human enough to show the pleasure she felt at his words. + +"Nonsense," replied the young fellow in sudden confusion. "Any one +who has learned to hunt well gets a quick eye." + +"The judge's eyes at least were not at all to blame," added Mr. +Wentworth, laughing, and looking at Mildred so kindly and admiringly +that the color which was stealing into her face deepened rapidly. +"Well, to come down to business. Roger and I have been to see your +employers, and we talked to them rather strongly. While they insist +that they were misled and not to blame, they felt remorseful, and +we struck while they were in their regretful mood. They give you +a week's vacation, and send you twenty-five dollars as a small +compensation for what you have suffered." + +"I don't want it," cried Mildred indignantly. + +"Oh yes, you do; besides it's only spoiling the Philistines. They +had already discharged that scoundrel Bissel, and they intend +prosecuting the girl. They apologize to you, and promise to raise +your wages, but I think I can obtain enough sewing and fancy work +to render it unnecessary for you to go back unless you prefer it. +I don't want to think of your being subjected to that barbarous +rule of standing any longer. I know of a lady on Fifth Avenue who +is a host if she once becomes interested in any one, and through +her I think I can enlist enough people to keep you busy. I feel +sure she will be our ally when she knows all." + +"Oh, if I could only stay with mamma and work at home, I should be +so glad," was the young girl's response. + +"Well, I must have one promise first, and your conscience should +lead you to make it honestly. You must give me your word that you +will not shut yourself up from light, air, and recreation. You must +take a walk every day; you must go out with your sister and Roger, +and have a good time as often as possible. If I find you sewing and +moping here all the time, I shall feel hurt and despondent. Miss +Millie, the laws of health are just as much God's laws as the Ten +Commandments." + +"I feel you are right," she faltered. Then she covered her face +with her hands and sobbed, "But papa, papa. Mr. Wentworth, since +all know it now, you must know the truth that is worse than death +to us. I feel as if I wanted to hide where no one could ever see +me again; I fear we do Mr. Atwood a wrong in permitting him to be +so friendly." + +Roger towered up until he "looked six feet six," as Belle remarked +afterward, and, coming straight to the speaker, he took her hand +and said, "Miss Jocelyn, when I'm ashamed to be seen with you and +Belle, I'll strike hands with Bissel in the sneak-thieving line. I +ask for no prouder distinction, than to be trusted by your mother +and by you." + +"Roger has settled that question, and shown himself a sensible +fellow," resumed Mr. Wentworth, with an emphatic and approving +nod. "Since you have spoken of a subject so deeply painful, I will +speak plainly too. There are plenty of people, I admit, who treat +the family of wrong-doers as if their unspeakable misfortune were +their fault; and in a certain sense this tendency is wholesome, +for it has a great restraining influence on those tempted to give +way to evil. But this tendency should not be carried to cruel +lengths by any one, and there are those who are sufficiently just +to discriminate and feel the deepest sympathy--as I do. While it +would be in bad taste for you and Miss Belle to ignore this trouble, +and flaunt gayly in public places, it would be positively wicked +to let your trouble crush out health, life, and hope. You are both +young, and you are sacredly bound to make the best and the most +of the existence that God has bestowed upon you. You have as good +a right to pure air and sunshine as I have, and as good a right +to respect while you maintain your present character. It would do +your father no good, it would break your mother's heart, if you +followed your morbid impulses. It would only add to your father's +remorse. I fear his craving for the poisons that are destroying him +has become a disease, and that it is morally impossible for him to +refrain." + +"Do you think--would it be possible to put him into an institution," +Mildred faltered. + +"Well, it would be expensive, and yet if he will go to one and make +an honest effort to be cured, perhaps the money might be raised." + +"Oh," cried Mildred, "we'd starve almost, we'd work night and day +to give him a chance." + +"The money shall be raised," said Roger quietly. "I've saved nearly +all my wages, and--" + +"Oh, Mr. Atwood," burst out Mildred impetuously, "this would be +far better than saving me from prison. I would pay you back every +penny if I toiled all my life, and if papa could be his old self +once more we would soon regain all that we have lost." Then a sudden +passion of sobs shook her slight form. "Oh," she gasped brokenly, +"I could die--I could suffer anything to save papa." + +"Mr. Wentworth," said the wife, with a look in her large tearless +blue eyes which they never forgot, "we will live in one room, we'll +spend only enough for bare existence, if you'll help us in this +matter." Then putting her arms around Roger's neck she buried her +face on his breast and murmured, "You are like a son to me, and all +there is left of my poor crushed heart clings to you. If I could +see Martin the man he was, I could die in peace." + +"He shall have the chance of the best and richest," said Roger +brokenly. "I ask nothing better than to have a hand in saving such +a man as Mr. Jocelyn must have been." + +Then was Roger's hour and opportunity, and he might at that time +have bound Mildred to him by vows that the girl would sooner perish +than break. Indeed in her abounding gratitude, and with every +generous, unselfish chord in her soul vibrating, even his eyes could +have been deceived, and he might easily have believed that he had +won her heart. But there was neither policy nor calculation in his +young enthusiasm. His love truly prompted his heart, but it was a +heart abounding in good, unselfish impulses, if sufficient occasion +called them forth. He loved Mrs. Jocelyn and Belle scarcely less +than his own mother and sister, and yet with a different affection, +a more ideal regard. They appealed to his imagination; their +misfortunes made them sacred in his eyes, and aroused all the +knightly instincts which slumber in every young, unperverted man. +Chief of all, they belonged to Mildred, the girl who had awakened +his manhood, and to whom he had felt, even when she was so cold and +prejudiced, that he owed his larger life and his power to win a +place among men. Now that she was so kind, now that she was willing +to be aided by him in her dearest hopes, he exulted, and life grew +rich in tasks for which the reward seemed boundless. The hope would +come to him, as Mildred rose to say good-by with a look that he +had never seen on any human face before, that she might soon give +him something warmer and better than gratitude; but if she could +not soon, he would wait, and if she never could return his love, +he proposed to be none the less loyal as a friend. + +Indeed the young girl's expression puzzled him. The old pride was +all gone, and she gave him the impression of one who is conquered +and defenceless, and who is ready to yield anything, everything to +the victor. And this ill-defined impression was singularly true, +for she was in a passion of self-sacrifice. She felt that one who +had been so generous and self-forgetful had a right to all that +a true man could ask, and that it would be base in her to refuse. +The greater the sacrifice the more gladly she would make it, in +order that she too might prove that a Southern girl could not be +surpassed in noblesse oblige by a Northern man. She was in one of +those supreme moods in which men and women are swayed by one dominant +impulse, and all other considerations become insignificant. The +fact that those she loved were looking on was no restraint upon +her feeling, and the sympathizing presence of the clergyman added +to it. Indeed her emotion was almost religious. The man who had +saved her from prison and from shame--far more: the man who was +ready to give all he had to rescue her fallen father--was before +her, and without a second's hesitation she would have gone into a +torture-chamber for the sake of this generous friend. She wanted +him to see his absolute power. She wanted him to know that he had +carried her prejudice, her dislike by storm, and had won the right +to dictate his terms. Because she did not love him she was so frank +in her abandon. If he had held her heart's love she would have been +shy, were she under tenfold greater obligations. She did not mean +to be unmaidenly--she was not so, for her unconscious delicacy +saved her--but she was at his feet as truly as the "devotee" is +prostrate and helpless before the car of Juggernaut. But Roger was +no grim idol, and he was too inexperienced, too modest to understand +her. As he held her throbbing palm he looked a little wonderingly +into her flushed face and tear-gemmed eyes that acknowledged him +lord and master without reserve; then he smiled and said in a low, +half-humorous tone, "I shan't be an ogre to you--you won't be afraid +of me any longer, Miss Mildred?" + +"No," she replied impetuously; "you are the truest and best friend +a woman ever had. Oh, I know it--I know it now. After what you said +about papa, I should despise myself if I did not know it." + +She saw all his deep, long-repressed passion leap into his face +and eyes, and in spite of herself she recoiled from it as from a +blow. Ah, Mildred, your will is strong, your gratitude is boundless, +your generous enthusiasm had swept you away like a tide, but your +woman's heart is stronger and greater than all, and he has seen +this truth unmistakably. The passion died out of his face like a +flame that sinks down to the hidden, smouldering fire that produced +it. He gave her hand a strong pressure as he said quietly, "I am +indeed your friend--never doubt it;" then he turned away decidedly, +and although his leave-taking from Mrs. Jocelyn and Belle was +affectionate, they felt rather than saw there was an inward struggle +for self-mastery, which made him, while quiet in manner, anxious +to get away. + +Mr. Wentworth, who had been talking with Mrs. Jocelyn, observed +nothing of all this, and took his leave with assurances that they +would see him soon again. + +Mildred stood irresolute, full of bitter self-reproach. She took +an impulsive step toward the door to call Roger back, but, checking +herself, said despairingly, "I can deceive neither him nor myself. +Oh, mamma, it is of no use." And indeed she felt that it would be +impossible to carry out the scheme that promised so much for those +she loved. As the lightning flash eclipses the sun at noonday, so +all of her gratitude and self-sacrificial enthusiasm now seemed but +pale sickly sentiment before that vivid flame of honest love--that +divine fire which consumes at touch every motive save the one for +the sacred union of two lives. + +"I wish I could see such a man as Roger Atwood look at me as he +looked at you," said Belle indignantly. "I would not send him away +with a heartache." + +"Would to Heaven it had been you, Belle!" replied Mildred dejectedly. +"I can't help it--I'm made so, and none will know it better than +he." + +"Don't feel that way," remonstrated Mrs. Jocelyn; "time and the +thought of what Roger can do for us will work great changes. You +have years before you. If he will help us save your father--" + +"Oh, mamma, I could shed for him all the blood left in my body." + +"Nonsense!" cried the matter-of-fact Belle. "He doesn't want +your blood; he only wants a sensible girl who will love him as he +deserves, and who will help him to help us all." + +Mildred made a despairing gesture and went to her room. She soon +reappeared with a quilt and a pillow, and placing them on the floor +beside the low bed in which the children slept, said, "I'll stay +here, and you take my place with Belle, mamma. No," she added +resolutely, as her mother began to remonstrate; "what I resolve +upon I intend to do hereafter, even to the least thing. You shall +not go near the room where papa is to-night." + +Throughout the evening, while love, duty, and generous sympathy +planned for his redemption; throughout the long night, while the +sad-hearted wife prayed for success in their efforts, the husband +and father lay shrouded in the heavy, rayless darkness of a drunken +stupor. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVII + +STRONG TEMPTATION + + +Well, I must admit that I have rarely been so touched and interested +before," said Mr. Wentworth, as he and Roger walked homeward together; +"and that is saying much, for my calling brings human life before +me in almost every aspect. Mildred Jocelyn is an unusual girl. +Until to-day I thought her a trifle cold, and even incapable of +very deep feeling. I thought pride--not a common pride, you know, +but the traditional and proverbial pride of a Southern woman--her +chief characteristic, but the girl was fairly volcanic with feeling +to-night. I believe she would starve in very truth to save her +father, though of course we won't permit any such folly as they +are meditating, and I do not believe there is any sacrifice, not +involving evil, at which she would hesitate. She's a jewel, Atwood, +and in winning her, as you will, you will obtain a girl for whom +a prince might well sue. She's one of a thousand, and beneath all +her wonted self-control and reserve she has as true and passionate +a heart as ever beat in a woman's breast." + +"Good-night," said Roger, a little abruptly. "I agree with all you +can say in regard to Miss Jocelyn's nobility, and I shall not fail +her, nor shall I make bargains or conditions in my loyalty. The +privilege of serving such a woman is enough. I will see you again +soon," and he walked rapidly down the street on which his uncle +resided. + +Roger and Mr. Wentworth had become very good friends, and the +latter had been of much service to the young fellow by guiding him +in his reading and study. The clergyman had shown his usual tact in +dealing with Roger. Never once had he lectured or talked religion +at him, but he preached interestingly, and out of the pulpit was +the genial, natural, hearty man that wins the respect and goodwill +of all. His interviews with Roger were free from the faintest trace +of religious affectation, and he showed that friendly appreciation +and spirit of comradeship which young men like. Roger felt that +he was not dealing with an ecclesiastic, but with a man who was as +honest, earnest, and successful in his way as he ever hoped to be +in his. He was therefore being drawn by motives that best accorded +with his disposition toward the Christian faith--by a thorough respect +for it, by seeing its practical value as worked out in the useful +busy life of one who made his chapel a fruitful oasis in what +would otherwise have been a moral desert. In his genuine humanity +and downright honesty, in his care of people's bodies as well as +souls, and temporal as well as spiritual interests, the minister was +a tower of strength, and his influence for good over the ambitious +youth, now fast developing the character which would make or mar +him for life, was most excellent. While Roger spoke freely to him +of his general hopes and plans, and gave to him more confidence +than to any one else, there was one thing that, so far as words +were concerned, he hid from all the world--his love for Mildred. +The sagacious clergyman, however, at last guessed the truth, but +until to-night never made any reference to it. He now smiled to +think that the sad-hearted Jocelyns might eventually find in Roger +a cure for most of their troubles, since he hoped that Mr. Jocelyn, +if treated scientifically, might be restored to manhood. + +Mr. Ezra Atwood, Roger's uncle, sat in his small parlor far beyond +his usual hour for retiring, and occasionally he paced the floor so +impatiently as to show that his mind was deeply perturbed. While +his nephew had studied books he had studied his nephew, and in the +process the fossilization of his heart had been arrested, and the +strong, steady youth had suggested hopes of something like a filial +relation to the childless man. At first he had growled to himself, +"If the boy were only mine I'd make a man of him," and then gradually +the idea of adopting and making a man of him, had presented itself +and slowly gained full possession of his mind. Roger was capable, +persevering, and tremendously ambitious--qualities that were after +the old man's heart, and, after maintaining his shrewd furtive +observation for months, he at last muttered to himself, "I'll do +it, for he's got the Atwood grit and grip, and more brains than any +of us. His father is shrewd and obstinate enough, but he's narrow, +and hasn't breadth of mind to do more than pinch and save what he +can scratch out of that stony farm of his. I'm narrow, too. I can +turn an honest penny in my line with the sharpest in the market, +and I'm content; but this young fellow is a new departure in the +family, and if given a chance and kept from all nonsense he can +climb to the top notch. There's no telling how high a lawyer can +get in this country if he has plenty of brains and a ready tongue." + +Thus the old man's dominant trait, ambition, which he had satisfied +in becoming known as one of the most solid and wealthy men of his +calling, found in his nephew a new sphere of development. In return +for the great favors which he proposed to confer, however, he felt +that Roger should gratefully accept his wishes as absolute law. +With the egotism and confidence of many successful yet narrow men, +he believed himself perfectly capable of guiding the young fellow's +career in all respects, and had little expectation of any fortunate +issue unless he did direct in all essential and practical matters. +Mr. Atwood worshipped common-sense and the shrewd individuality of +character which separates a man from his fellows, and enables him +to wrap himself in his own interests and pursuits without babbling +to others or being impeded by them. Influenced by his wife, he was +kind to the poor, and charitable in a certain methodical way, but +boasted to her that in his limited circle he had no "hangers-on," +as he termed them. He had an instinctive antipathy to a class that +he called "ne'er-do-weels," "havebeens," and "unlucky devils," and +if their misfortunes and lack of thrift resulted from causes like +those destroying Mr. Jocelyn he was sternly and contemptuously +implacable toward them. He was vexed that Roger should have bothered +himself with the sick man he had discovered on shipboard the day +before Christmas. "It was no affair of his," he had grumbled; but +as the young fellow had been steady as a clock in his business and +studies after Mr. Jocelyn had recovered, he had given no further +thought to these friends, nor had it occurred to him that they were +more than passing acquaintances. But a letter from Roger's father, +who had heard of Mr. Jocelyn's condition and of his son's intimacy +with the family, awakened the conservative uncle's suspicions, and +that very afternoon the well-meaning but garrulous Mrs. Wheaton had +told his wife all about what she regarded as brilliant performances on +the part of Roger at the police court. Mrs. Atwood was a kind-hearted +woman, but she had much of her husband's horror of people who were +not respectable after her strict ideal, and she felt that she ought +to warn him that Roger's friends were not altogether desirable. +Of course she was glad that Roger had been able to show that the +young girl was innocent, but shop-girls living in low tenements +with a drunken father were not fit companions for their nephew +and possible heir. Her husband indorsed her views with the whole +force of his strong, unsympathetic, and ambitious nature, and was +now awaiting Roger with the purpose of "putting an end to such +nonsense at once." The young man therefore was surprised to find, +as he entered the hallway, that his uncle was up at an hour late +for him. + +"I wish to see you," was the prompt, brief greeting from Mr. Atwood, +who was uneasily tramping up and down the small stiff parlor, which +was so rarely used that it might almost have been dispensed with +as a part of the residence. Roger came forward with some anxiety, +for his uncle lowered at him like a thunder-cloud. + +"Sit there, where I can see your face," was the next curt direction. +There was neither guilt nor fear in the frank countenance that was +turned full upon him. "I'm a man of few words," he resumed more +kindly, for Roger's expression disarmed him somewhat. "Surely," he +thought, "when the boy gets a hint of what I can do for him, he'll +not be the fool to tangle himself up with people like the Jocelyns." + +"Where have you been to-night?" he asked bluntly. Roger told him. +"Where were you last night and this morning?" Roger briefly narrated +the whole story, concluding, "It's the first time I've been late +to business, sir." + +The old man listened grimly, without interruption, and then said, +"Of course I'm glad you got the girl off, but it's bad management +to get mixed up in such scrapes. Perhaps a little insight into +court-room scenes will do you no harm since you are to be a lawyer. +Now that the affair is over, however, I wish you to drop these +Jocelyns. They are of no advantage to you, and they belong to a +class that is exceedingly disagreeable to me. I suppose you know +what kind of a man Mr. Jocelyn is?" + +"Yes, sir; but you do not know what kind of a woman Mrs. Jocelyn +is. She is--" + +"She is Jocelyn's wife, isn't she?" + +"Certainly; but--" + +"And the girl is his daughter. They live in a dowdy tenement, and +are as poor as crows." + +"Misfortune and the wrong of others might make all this true of +us," began the youth impetuously; "and yet if old friends should +turn their backs--" + +"You are not an old friend," his uncle again interrupted, in his +hard, business-like tones. "They are merely accidental acquaintances, +who happened to board at your father's house last summer. They +haven't the ghost of a claim upon you. It looks far more as if +you were in love with the girl, and were making a romantic fool of +yourself." + +Roger's face grew very white, but he controlled himself, and asked, +"Uncle, have I ever treated you with disrespect?" + +"Certainly not; why should you?" + +"With some right I may also ask why you treat me with such disrespect?" + +The old man opened his eyes, and was somewhat taken aback by this +unexpected question, and yet a moment's reflection showed him that +he had given cause for it. He also misunderstood his nephew, and +resumed, with a short conciliatory laugh, "I guess I'm the fool, to +be imagining all this nonsense. Of course you are too much of an +Atwood to entangle yourself with such people and spoil your prospects +for life. Look here, Roger. I'll be frank with you, and then we'll +understand each other. You know I've neither chick nor child, and +I've turned a good big penny in business. When you first came I +thought you were a rattle-pated country boy that wanted a lark in +the city, and I took you more to keep you out of mischief than for +any other cause. Well, I've watched you closely, and I was mistaken. +You've got the stuff in you to make a man, and I see no reason why +you should not be at the top of the heap before you reach my years, +and I mean to give you a chance. You've got a little soft place in +your head and heart, or you wouldn't be getting yourself mixed up +in other people's troubles. I tell you what it is, my boy, a man +who gets ahead in these times must strike right out for himself, +and steer clear of all fouling with 'ne'er-do-weels,' as if they +had a pestilence. Hook on to the lucky ones, the strong ones, and +they'll help you along. Now if you'll take this course and follow +my advice right along, I'll give you a chance with the first. You +shall go to the best college in the land, next to the law-school, +and then have money enough to enable you to strike high. By the +time you are thirty you can marry an heiress. But no more Jocelyns +and shop-girls who have been at stationhouses, if you please. The +girl may have been innocent of that offence; but, plain man as I am, +I don't like this style of people at all, and I know human nature +well enough to be sure that they'll try to tie themselves on to you +if they can. I've thought it all out in my slow way, and, since +you've got it in you, I'm going to give you a chance to put the +Atwood name where I can't, with all my money." + +Roger was deeply moved, for he had no idea that his uncle was +cherishing such far-reaching plans in his behalf. While he had +little sympathy with the cold, selfish side of the programme, his +strong ambition responded powerfully to the prospect held out to +him. He knew that the hopes inspired were not vain, for his uncle +was a man whose deeds always outstripped his words, and that his +fortunes were practically assured if he would follow the worldly-wise +policy to which he had listened. His ambition whispered, "Mildred +Jocelyn does not love you, and never will. Even now, after you have +done so much for her, and her gratitude is boundless, her heart +shrinks from you. She may not be able to help it, but it is true +nevertheless. Why should you throw away such prospects for the sake +of one who loves another man, and who, until in a time of desperate +need, treated you with undisguised coldness and dislike? Besides, +by yielding to your uncle's will you can eventually do more for +the family than if thrown on your own resources." It was indeed +the great temptation of his life, and he wavered. + +"Uncle," he said irresolutely, "you have indeed opened a very +alluring prospect, and I am grateful that you think So well of me, +and that you are willing to do so much. Since you have been so +frank with me, I will be equally so with you," and he told him all +about his relations with the Jocelyns, and tried to make the shrewd +old merchant understand that they were not common people. + +"They are the most dangerous people of all," he interrupted +impatiently. "Having once been up in the world, they think they +are still as good as anybody, and are wild to regain their old +position. If they had always been poor and commonplace, they would +not be so likely to presume. What you say about the girl's not caring +for you is sheer nonsense. She'd marry you to-morrow if she could. +The one idea of such people is to get out of the slough into which +they have fallen, and they'll marry out of it the first chance they +get, and like enough they'll do worse if they can't marry. I tell +you they are the most dangerous kind of people, and Southern at +that. I've learned all about them; the father has gone to the devil +for good and all, and, with your feeling and weakness toward them, +you'll never be safe a moment unless you drop them completely and +finally. Come, young man, let this affair be the test between us. +I've worked hard for nearly a lifetime, and have a right to impose +some conditions with what has been earned by forty years of toil, +early and late. I never speculated once. Every dollar I had to +spare I put in paying real estate and governments, and, Roger, I'm +worth to-day a good half a million. Ha, ha, ha! people who look +at the plain old man in the plain little house don't know that he +could afford a mansion on the Avenue better than most of them. This +is between ourselves, but I want you to act with your eyes open. +If you are such a soft-headed fool as to let that girl, who you +admit does not like you or care a rap for you personally, stand +between you and such prospects, then I'm mistaken in you, and the +sooner I find it out the better. Come, now, I'll be good-natured +and liberal in the matter, for young men will be a little addle-pated +and romantic before they cut their wisdom teeth. Through that +English woman who works for your aunt occasionally you can see to +it that these people don't suffer, but beyond that you must drop +them once for all. What is more, your father and mother take the +same view that I do, and your filial duty to them requires what I +ask. While we naturally refuse to be mixed up with such people, we +are seeking chiefly to promote your welfare; for the worst thing +that can happen to a young man starting in life is to have a helpless +lot of people hanging on him. So, come, give me your promise--the +promise of an Atwood--and it will be all right." + +Eoger was not a self-sacrificing saint by any means. Moreover, +he had inherited the Atwood characteristics sufficiently to feel +all the worldly force of his uncle's reasoning, and to be tempted +tremendously by his offers. They promised to realize his wildest +dreams, and to make the path to fame and wealth a broad, easy track +instead of a long, steep, thorny path, as he had expected. He was +virtually on the mountain-top, and had been shown "all the kingdoms +of the world and the glory of them." + +But against this brilliant background he saw the thin, pale face +of Mrs. Jocelyn, as she looked up to him with loving trust and +gratitude, and the motherly kiss that she had imprinted on his cheek +was a seal to her absolute faith. He felt the pressure of Belle's +arm about his neck, and remembered his promise to give her a brother's +regard and protection, and justly he feared that if deserted now +the impulsive, tempted girl would soon meet shipwreck. She would +lose faith in God and man. But that which touched him most nearly +were his words to Mildred--words spoken even when she showed him +most plainly that her heart was not his, and probably never could +be--"I am your friend; never doubt it." How false he would seem +to them; how false and selfish to his friend, the great-hearted +clergyman, who was like Christ himself in his devoted labors; how +false and base he would ever feel himself to be in his own soul! + +For a time there was a terrible conflict in his breast as he paced +the floor in long strides, with hands clenched and brow heavily +contracted. His uncle watched him curiously and with displeased +surprise, for that he could hesitate at all seemed to the worldly +man an evidence of fatal weakness. + +Roger fought it out like a genuine Atwood, and was nearer akin +to his uncle than the old merchant would ever suspect. His heart +craved the kingdoms of the world unspeakably, but he now realized +that he must barter for them his honor, his manhood, and love. +Thus far he had a right to love Mildred, and it was not her fault +she could not return it. But, poor and shamed as she was, he knew +that she would despise him if he yielded now, even though he rose +to be the foremost man of the nation. Not with any chivalric, +uncalculating impulse did he reach his conclusion, but by the slow, +deliberate reasoning of a cool-headed, sturdy race that would hold +to a course with life-long tenacity, having once chosen it. + +Turning to his uncle, he asked quietly. "What did you mean by 'the +promise of an Atwood'?" + +"You ought to know. Our family, for generations, have lived up +among the granite hills of Forestville, and, although poor, our +promises, whether spoken or written, are like them." + +"I'm glad to hear you say that--I'm glad to be reminded of it," his +nephew replied. "Well, my promise has already been given. I have +promised that poor broken-hearted woman, Mrs. Jocelyn, that I'd +try to help her through her terrible misfortunes. I've promised her +daughter Belle that I'd give her a brother's care and affection. +I've promised the girl I love that I would at least be her friend, +since I cannot be more. I'll prove myself a true Atwood, worthy to +sustain the family name and honor by keeping my promises, and if +I break them, you yourself, deep in your heart, would despise me." + +For a moment the old merchant was nonplussed, so adroitly and +unexpectedly had Roger turned his words against him. Then, like most +men suddenly put in a false position, he grew angry, and blurted +out, "Nonsense! It doesn't apply at all. These artful women have +come it over you--have entrapped you." The young man here made a +strong gesture of protest. "Oh, don't try to deceive me," his uncle +proceeded, more loudly and passionately; "I know the world. If I'd +blindly made promises to adventurers who would compass my ruin, +ought I to keep them? If I find I've indorsed a forged check, ought +I not to stop its payment? In the name of your parents and as your +uncle, I protest against this folly, for I see well enough where +it will end. Moreover, I tell you plainly that you must choose +between me and my offers, and that old sot of a Jocelyn and his +scheming wife and daughters. If you can be carried away by such +absurdity, you are weaker than water, and the sooner you learn +by bitter experience the better, for you certainly belong to that +class which only hard experience can teach. But I'd like to see +those brazen-faced creatures and give them a piece of--" + +"Stop!" thundered Roger; "beware how you say another word against +those whom sorrow should render sacred. You know less about them +than about heaven. Do you forget that I am of age? You made me an +offer, and I thanked you for it honestly and gratefully. What's +more, I was base enough to be tempted by it. Oh, yes"--with a bitter +laugh--"I was an Atwood enough for that. If you had not coupled +it with the condition that I should, like a coward, desert helpless +and unfortunate women to whom my word is given, I would have fulfilled +your best hopes and ambitions, and have made your age glad with +my grateful love and service. In your cold-hearted worldliness you +have overreached yourself, and you wrong yourself more than me, +even though I perish in the streets. But I won't starve. Mark my +words: I'll place the Atwood name where you can't, with all your +money, and I shall not make broken faith with those who trust me, +the foundation of my fortunes." + +"Very well, then," said his uncle, who had quieted down into an +anger of white heat; "since you prefer those disreputable strangers +to your family, go to them. I wash my hands of you, and shall write +to your father to this effect to-night. I'm a prompt man and don't +dilly-dally." + +"Mrs. Jocelyn and her daughters are no more disreputable than you +are, sir, and calling me 'soft-headed fool' doesn't make me one. +I know the duty I owe my parents, and shall perform it. I shall +write to them also. They shall hear both sides, and were your fortune +multiplied a thousand times, I won't sell my manhood for it. Am I +to have shelter another night, or do you wash your hands of me here +and now?" + +"Oh, stay by all means, or you may find yourself in the same cell +in which your paragon spent last night," replied his uncle, whose +rage now passed all bounds. + +"Those words are brutal," said Roger sternly, "and if you are not +ashamed of them after thinking them over, you are not the man I took +you to be," and he stalked out of the room and out of the house, +slamming the door after him. + +The old merchant sank into a chair, trembling with both anger and +chagrin, for he felt that he had been worsted in the encounter. He +did regret the words as soon as spoken, and a certain rude sense +of justice made him feel, even in his excitement, that his nephew, +although an egregious fool of course, had been true to his sense +of right and honor. He was assuredly the victim of a designing lot +of women, but believing them to be true, his course had been manly, +and the thought would come, "Since he was so faithful to them, +he would have been equally so to me, and he might have found the +hussies out in time to prevent trouble." And now he had said words +which in effect turned his brother's son out of doors at midnight +With something like a groan and an oath he resolved not to write +that night, and to see how he felt in the morning. His nephew on +provocation had proved as great a Tartar as he knew himself to be, +and he now remembered that the former had some excuse in his hot +young blood, and that he had a right to choose against his offer, +if fool enough to do it, without being reviled and insulted. + +After a wretched night he found on the breakfast-table a brief, +cold note from Roger, saying that he would inform him in a day or +two where to send his effects and such part of his salary as remained +unpaid. The old man frowned, and the Atwood pride and obstinacy took +possession of him like evil spirits. In grim reticence he resumed +his old routine and life, and again gave himself up to the mechanical +accumulation and saving of money. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVIII + +NO "DARK CORNERS" + + +From his uncle's house Roger went to a small hotel and obtained a +room in which to spend a sleepless night. After the excitement of +anger passed, he recognized the difficulties of his position. He +was worse than friendless in the great city, for when he sought +employment and gave an account of his antecedents, people would +ask suspiciously why he left his uncle. The reasons were of too +delicate a nature to be babbled about in business offices. + +At first he was much depressed, and complained that "luck was dead +against him." Moreover he felt that he had responded too harshly +to his uncle, who, after all, was only trying to aid him in his +cold-blooded way. Nevertheless he, too, had his share of the Atwood +pride and obstinacy, and he resolved that the man who had called him +a "soft-headed fool" for sacrificing himself to his sense of honor +and duty must apologize before there could be any reconciliation. +His good sense led him to make one wise resolution, and early in +the morning he carried it out by making a clean breast of it to Mr. +Wentworth. The good man listened with deep interest, and heartened +the young fellow wonderfully by clapping him on the shoulder and +saying, "You are made of the right stuff, Atwood, and although the +material is yet a little raw and crude, experience and Christian +principle will temper it in time into the finest metal." + +"Don't ascribe Christian principle to me," growled Roger, "for I'm +tempted to swear like a pirate." + +"Very likely, and not without some reason. I occasionally feel a +little that way myself, but I don't do it; neither have you." + +Roger stared. "You're not a bit like a minister," he burst out. + +"Sorry to hear it." + +"That isn't what I mean. You are a MAN. Our dominie up at Forestville +was only a minister." + +"I have my share of human nature, Roger, and am glad of it, for I +know from experience just how you young fellows feel. But it involves +many a big fight. Christian principle doesn't mean a cotton-and-wool +nature, or a milk-and-water experience, to put it in a homely way. +It's Christian principle that makes Mildred Jocelyn, as you say, +one of the bravest and best girls in the world. She's worth more +than all your uncle's money, and you needn't be discouraged, for +you'll win her yet. A young fellow with your pluck can make his +way unaided, and thousands have done so without your motives or +your ability. I'll stand by you, for you are the kind of man that +I believe in. To make your course completely blameless, you must +write a long filial letter to your mother, explaining everything; +and if you'll take my advice you will send something like this to +your uncle;" and sitting down he scratched off the following words: + +"On calmer reflection I perceive that your intentions toward me +were kindly and friendly. I should have remembered this, and the +respect due to your years, and not have spoken so harshly. For all +that it was not right for me to say, I apologize. At the same time +it is my undoubted right and unwavering purpose to be guided by my +own conscience. Our views of life and duty vary so widely that it +will be best for me to struggle on alone, as I can. This, however, +is no reason why we should quarrel, or forget the ties of blood +which unite us, or our characters as gentlemen." + +"Such a note will put you right with your own conscience and your +people at home," resumed Mr. Wentworth, "and there's nothing like +starting right." + +Roger complied at once, for the clergyman's "human nature" had +gained his unlimited confidence. + +"Now I'm going out," said his friend. "You stay and make my study +your own. There is paper, etc. I think I know of a room that you +can obtain for a small sum from a nice, quiet family, and perhaps +it will just suit you. I'll see; but don't take it if you don't +like it. You'll stay and lunch with us, and we'll drink to your +success in generous cups of coffee that only my wife knows how to +make," and he left Roger cheered, hopeful, and resolute. What was +better still, the young man was starting right, as was well proved +by the long, affectionate, yet firm and manly letter written to +his mother. + +After a genial lunch, at which he was treated with a respect and +kindness which did him a world of good, he went with Mr. Wentworth +to see the room, and was well pleased with it, and he added his +future address to the note to his uncle. He then said: + +"I keep my promise about Mr. Jocelyn, and the sooner that man is +put under treatment the better." + +"Why, Roger!" exclaimed his friend, "you can't do anything now." + +"I can do just what I promised. I have a hundred dollars in the +bank, and there is about twenty-five still due me. With the latter +sum I can get along until I can find employment." + +"Hold on, Roger; it seems to me that your generosity is getting +the better of you now. Circumstances have greatly changed since +you made your promise." + +"I've not changed, and my promises don't change with circumstances. +It may be some time before you can raise the money, even if you can +get it at all in these bard times, and it's something that ought +to be done at once." + +"Give me your hand again, old fellow. The world would say we were +a pair of fools, but we'll wait and see who's right. Come to me at +nine to-morrow morning." + +Mr. Wentworth had several things on hand that he meant to do, but +he dropped everything and started for the offices of some lawyers +whom he knew, determined to find a foothold at once for his plucky +protege. Roger went to call on Mrs. Jocelyn, feeling that he would +like to get the matter relating to her husband settled, so that +he might give all his thought and energy to the problem of making +his way unaided. In response to his knock a light step crossed the +floor, and the door was opened a little, revealing Mildred's face, +then it was thrown open hospitably. "Oh, Mr. Atwood," she exclaimed, +"I am very glad to see you. Forgive me that I opened the door so +suspiciously, but you have never lived in a tenement, and do not +know what awful neighbors are often prowling around. Besides, +I was alone, and that made me more timid. I am so troubled about +something, and perhaps you can help me, for you seem to be able +to help every one," Mildred continued hastily, for she dreaded an +embarrassing silence between them unspeakably. "I've been to see +my employers in the hope they would forgive that poor girl who put +the lace in my cloak, and they won't. They were polite and kind +to me, and offered me better wages if I would come back, but were +relentless toward the girl, saying they 'meant to break up that kind +of thing once for all.' Don't you think something might be done?" + +"If you failed there would be no use of my trying," said Roger, +smiling. "I think it was wonderfully good of you to go on such an +errand." + +"I've had some lessons in goodness lately," she replied, with a +little friendly nod. "As I talked with those stern men, I realized +more than ever what an escape I've had, and I've thanked you in my +heart a thousand times." + +The young fellow looked as if he had been repaid a thousand times, +and wondered that he could have been so tempted by his uncle's +terms, for it now seemed impossible that he could ever do aught +else than serve the sweet, sad girl who looked into his eyes with +the trust and friendliness which he had sought for so long in vain. +His face became so expressive of his feelings that she hurried on +to speak of another matter weighing on her mind. + +"Mr. Atwood," she said hesitatingly, "I have another trouble. You +looked so vindictively at that Mr. Bissel in the court-room that I +have feared you might do something that you would afterward regret. +I know how one with your honorable spirit would feel toward such a +wretch, but, believe me, he is beneath your notice. I should feel +so badly if you got into any trouble on my account. Indeed it +seems that I couldn't stand it at all," and she said it with so +much feeling that he was honestly delighted. His spirits were rising +fast, for this frank, strong interest in his welfare, in contrast +with her old constraint and coldness, was sweet to him beyond all +words. + +With a mischievous and rather wicked look in his dark eyes, he said, +"You must leave that fellow to me. I'm not a saint as you are." + +Mildred proved that she was not altogether a saint by inwardly +relishing his spirit, for she never could overcome some of the +traits of her Southern blood; but she said, honestly and anxiously, +"I should feel very badly if you got into any trouble." + +"That thought will make me prudent," he replied gratefully. "You +would never feel badly again about anything, if I had my way." + +"I believe you, Mr. Atwood, and I can't see why I did not understand +you better before," said Mildred, the words slipping out almost +before she knew it. + +"I don't think you understand me yet," he answered, very gently. + +She did not reply, but he saw her fingers trembling with nervous +apprehension as she tried to go on with her sewing; he also saw +that she was growing very pale. Indeed she had almost the sick, +faint look of one who is about to submit to some painful operation. + +"Don't be frightened, Miss Mildred," he remarked, after watching +her keenly for a moment or two. She looked up and saw him smiling +broadly at her. In answer to her perplexed look he continued +quietly, "I can tell you what has been the matter between us, and +what is the matter now--you are afraid of me." + +"Mr. Atwood--" faltered Mildred, and then words failed her, and +her pale face crimsoned. + +"Don't you think it would be best for us to understand each other, +now that we are to be friends?" he asked. + +"Yes," gasped the young girl faintly, fearing every moment that +he would lose his self-control and pour out a vehement declaration +of his love. She was prepared to say, "Roger Atwood, I am ready to +make any sacrifice within my power that you can ask," but at the +same time felt that she could endure slow torture by fire better +than passionate words of love, which would simply bruise the heart +that could make no response. If he would only ask quietly, "Mildred, +will you be my wife when the right time comes? I'll be content +with such love as you can give," she would have replied with the +calmness of an unalterable purpose, "Yes, Roger, and I'll do my +best," believing that years of effort might be crowned with success. +But now, to have him plead passionately for what she could no more +bestow than if she were dead, gave her an indescribable sense of +fear, pain, and repugnance; and she cowered and shrank over the +sewing which she could scarcely hold, so great was her nervous +apprehension. + +Instead of the vehement declaration there came a low, mellow laugh, +and she lifted her eyes and stared at him, her work dropping from +her hands. + +Roger understood the situation so well, and was so thoroughly the +master of it in his generous self-control and kindly intentions, that +he should scarcely be blamed if he got out of it such bitter-sweet +enjoyment as he could, and he said, with a twinkle in his eyes, +"Miss Millie, I wasn't going to strike you." + +"I don't understand you at all," cried Mildred, with a pathetically +perplexed expression and starting tears, for the nervous strain +was becoming a little too prolonged. + +Roger became grave at once, and with a quiet, gentle manner he came +to her side and took her hand. "Will you be as honest with me as +I shall be with you?" he asked. + +"I'll try to be." + +"Well, then, I'll soon solve for you my poor little riddle. Miss +Mildred, you know that I have loved you ever since you waked up an +awkwad, lazy, country fellow into the wish to be a man." + +His words were plain enough now, surely, but she was no longer +frightened, for he spoke in such a kindly natural voice that she +looked him straight in the eyes, with a delicate bloom in her face, +and replied: + +"I didn't wish to mislead you, Mr. Atwood, and I wouldn't trifle +with you." + +"You have been truth and honesty itself." + +"No, I've not," she answered impetuously; "I cherished an unreasoning +prejudice against you, and--and--I disliked you, though why, +I can't see now, and nobly you have triumphed over both prejudice +and dislike." + +"It will ever be the proudest triumph of my life; but, Miss Mildred, +you do not love me in the least, and I fear you never will." + +"I am so sorry, so very sorry," she faltered, with a crimson face +and downcast eyes. + +"I am, too; but that which I want to say to you is, that you are not +to blame, and I don't blame you. I could not love a girl simply +because she wanted me to, were such a thing possible, and why +should I demand of you what I couldn't do myself? All I asked in +the first place--don't you remember it in the old front walk at +home?--was friendship. Let us go back to that. Let me become your +simple, honest friend, and help you in every way within my power. +Don't let me frighten you any more with the dread of high tragedy. +Now you've had all the declaration you ever need fear. I won't break +loose or explode under any provocation. I can't help my love, and +you must not punish me for it, nor make yourself miserable about +it, as if it were a powder magazine which a kind word or look might +touch off. I want to put your heart to rest, for you have enough +to bear now, Heaven knows; I want you to feel safe with me--as +free from fear and annoyance as Belle is. I won't presume or be +sentimental." + +"Oh, my perverse, perverse heart!" wailed Mildred. "I could tear it +out of my breast and throw it away in disgust. I want to love--it +would be a poor return for all that you are and have done for +me--but it is of no use. I will not deceive one so true as you +are, by even a trace of falseness. You deserve the love of the best +woman in the world, and some day you'll find her---" + +"I have found her," he put in quietly. + +"No, no, no!" she cried passionately; "but I am as nature made me, +and I can't seem to help myself. How strange it seems that I can +say from the depths of my soul I could die for you, and yet that +I can't do just the one thing you deserve a thousand times! But, +Roger, I will be the most devoted sister that ever a man had." + +"No," he said, smiling, "that won't answer at all. That wouldn't +be honest, as far as I am concerned. Belle is my sister, but you +can never be. I know you don't love me now, and, as I've said, +perhaps you never can, but I'm too persistent in my nature to give +up the hope. Time may bring changes, and I've got years of up-hill +work before I can think of marrying. You are in a self-sacrificing +mood now. I saw it in your eyes and manner last night--I see it now. +Mildred, I could take a very great advantage of you if I chose." + +"Indeed you could. You don't know how generous you are. You have +conquered me, overwhelmed me by your kindness, and I couldn't say +No to anything in your nature to ask." + +For a moment he looked sorely tempted, and then he said brusquely, +"I'll put a spoke in that wheel. I'd give all the world for this +little hand, but I won't take it until your heart goes with it. So +there!" + +The young girl sighed deeply. "You are right," she murmured, "when +you give so much I can give so little." + +"That is not what I was thinking of. As a woman you have sacred +rights, and I should despise myself if I tried to buy you with +kindness, or take advantage of your gratitude. I'll admit, too, +since we are to have no dark corners in this talk, that I would +rather be loved as I know you can love. I'd rather have an honest +friendship than a forced affection, even though the force was only +in the girl's will and wishes. I was reading Maud Muller the other +night, and no woman shall ever say of her life's happiness, that +but for me 'it might have been.'" + +"I don't think any woman could ever say that of you." + +"Mildred, you showed me your heart last night, and it has a will +stronger than your will, and it shall have its way." + +The girl again sighed. "Roger," she said, "one reason why I so shrank +from you in the past was that you read my thoughts. You have more +than a woman's intuition." + +"No," he said, laughing a little grimly, "I'm not a bit feminine in +my nature. My explanation may seem absurd to you, but it's true, I +think. I am exceedingly fond of hunting, and I so trained my eyes +that if a leaf stirred or a bird moved a wing I saw it. When you +waked me up, and I determined to seek my fortunes out in the world, +I carried with me the same quickness of eye. I do not let much that +is to be seen escape me, and on a face like yours thoughts usually +leave some trace." + +"You didn't learn to be a gentleman, in the best sense of the word, +in the woods," she said, with a smile. + +"No, you and your mother taught me that, and I may add, your father, +for when I first saw him he had the perfection of manners." He +might also have referred to Vinton Arnold, whom he had studied so +carefully, but he could not bring himself to speak of one whom in +his heart he knew to be the chief barrier between them, for he was +well aware that it was Mildred's involuntary fidelity to her first +love that made his suit so dubious. At his reference to her father +Mildred's eyes had filled at once, and he continued gently, "We +understand each other now, do we not? You won't be afraid of me +any more, and will let me help you all to brighter days?" + +She put both of her hands in his, and said earnestly, "No, I will +never be afraid of you again, but I only half understand you yet, +for I did not know that there was a man in the world so noble, so +generous, so honest. You have banished every trace of constraint, +and I'll do everything you say." + +There was a look of almost boyish pleasure on his face as she +spoke, and in imitation of the heroes of the interminable old-time +romances that once had formed the larger part of his reading, he +was about to raise her hand to his lips when she snatched it away, +and as if mastered by an impulse not to be controlled, put her arms +around his neck and kissed him, then burst into tears with her head +upon his shoulder. + +He trembled a moment, and said, in low tones, "God bless you, +Millie." Then he gently placed her in her chair. "You mustn't do that +again," he said gravely. "With you it was but a grateful sisterly +impulse, but if I were Samson I'd not be strong enough--well, you +understand me. I don't want to give the lie to all I've said." + +"Oh, Roger, Roger," sobbed the girl, "I can do nothing for you and +yet you have saved me from shame and are giving us all hope and +life." + +"You are responsible for all there is good in me," he tried to +say lightly, "and I'll show you in coming years if you have done +nothing for me. Good-by now. It's all right and settled between +us. Tell Mrs. Jocelyn that one hundred dollars are ready as soon +as she can induce her husband to take the step we spoke of." And +he hastened away, feeling that it was time he retreated if he would +make good the generous words he had spoken. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIX + +"HOME, SWEET HOME!" + + +"Oh, Millie," cried Mrs. Jocelyn, entering with the children and +throwing herself into a chair, fatigued and panting from her walk +and climb of the stairs, "I've so much to tell you. Oh, I'm so +distressed and sorry. It seems that evil has become our lot, and +that we bring nothing but evil to others. You, too, look as if you +had been crying as if your heart would break." + +"No, mamma, I feel much better--more at rest than I have been for +a long time. My tears have done me good." + +"Well, I'm sorry I must tell you something that will grieve you +dreadfully, but there's no help for it. It does seem when things +are going wrong in one's life, there's no telling where they'll +stop. You know Mrs. Wheaton works for Roger's aunt, Mrs. Atwood. +Well, she was there this morning, and Mrs. Atwood talked dreadfully +about us, and how we had inveigled her nephew into the worst of +folly. She told Mrs. Wheaton that Mr. Atwood had intended to give +Roger a splendid education, and might have made him his heir, but +that he demanded, as his condition, that he should have nothing +more to do with such people as we were, and how Roger refused, and +how after a bitter quarrel the latter left the house at midnight. +She also said that his uncle would have nothing more to do with +him, and that his family at home would be almost equally angry. +Oh, I feel as if I could sink into the earth with shame and worry. +What shall we do?" + +"Surely, mamma, there is some mistake. Roger was here much of the +afternoon, and he never said one word about it," Mildred answered, +with a troubled face. + +"It's just like him. He didn't want to pain you with the news. +What did he say?" she asked, with kindling interest, and Mildred +told her substantially all that had occurred. + +"Well, Millie," said her mother emphatically, "you will be the +queerest girl on the face of the earth if you can't love him now, +for he has given up everything for you. He might have been richer +than Vinton Arnold." + +"He must not give up anything," said Mildred resolutely. "There is +reason in all things. He is little more than a boy in years, and he +has a boy's simplicity and unworldliness. I won't let him sacrifice +himself for me. He doesn't know what he is doing. His aunt's +estimate of such people as we have become is correct, and I'll +perish a thousand times before I'll be the means of dragging down +such a man as Roger Atwood. If I knew where to find him I'd go and +tell him so this moment." + +That was a dreary hour in the poor little home, but worse things +were in store for them, for, as Mrs. Jocelyn said, when things are +going wrong there is a terrible logic about them, and malign events +follow each other with almost inevitable sequence. All was wrong +with the head of the family, and terrible were the consequences +to his helpless wife and children. Mr. Jocelyn heard a rumor of +Mildred's experience in the police court, and he went to the place +that day and obtained some account of the affair. More clearly and +awfully than ever before he comprehended the depths into which he +had fallen. He had not been appealed to--he had not even been told. +He did not stop to consider how good the reasons were for the course +his family had taken, but, blind with anger and despair, he sought +his only refuge from the hell within his breast, and began drinking +recklessly. By the time he reached the tenement where he dwelt he +was in a state of wild intoxication. A man at the door called him +a drunken beast, at which Mr. Jocelyn grasped him by the throat +and a fierce scuffle ensued. Soon the whole populous dwelling was +in an uproar, while the man retreated, fighting, up the stairways, +and his infuriated assailant followed with oaths and curses. Women +and children were screaming, and men and boys pouring out of their +rooms, some jeering and laughing, and others making timid and futile +efforts to appease and restrain the liquor-crazed man. + +Suddenly a door opened, and a pale face looked out; then a slight +girlish figure darted through the crowd and clasped Mr. Jocelyn. +He looked down and recognized his daughter Mildred. For a moment he +seemed a little sobered, and then the demon within him reasserted +itself. "Get out of my way!" he shouted. "I'll teach that infernal +Yankee to insult a Southern officer and gentleman. Let me go," he +said furiously, "or I'll throw you down the stairway," but Mildred +clung to him with her whole weight, and the men now from very shame +rushed in and overpowered him. + +He was speedily thrust within his own doorway, and Mildred turned +the key after him and concealed it. Little recked the neighbors, +as they gradually subsided into quiet, that there came a crash of +crockery and a despairing cry from the Jocelyns' room. They had +witnessed such scenes before, and were all too busy to run any risk +of being summoned as witnesses at a police court on the morrow. +The man whom Mr. Jocelyn had attacked said that he would see the +agent of the house in the morning and have the Jocelyn family sent +away at once, because a nuisance, and all were content with this +arrangement. + +Within that locked door a terrible scene would have been enacted +had it not been for Mildred's almost supernatural courage, for her +father was little better than a wild beast. In his mad rush forward +he overturned the supper-table, and the evening meal lay in a heap +upon the floor. The poor wife, with a cry in which hope and her +soul itself seemed to depart fell swooning on the children's bed, +and the little ones fled to the darkest corner of Mildred's room +and cowered in speechless fear. There was none to face him save +the slight girl, at whom he glared as if he would annihilate her. + +"Let me out!" he said savagely. + +"No," said the girl, meeting his frenzied gaze unwaveringly, "not +until you are sober." + +He rushed to the door, but could not open it. Then turning upon +Mildred he said, "Give me the key--no words--or I'll teach you who +is master." + +There were no words, but only such a look as is rarely seen on. +a woman's face. He raised his hand to strike her, but she did not +shrink a hair-breadth. "Papa," she said, in a low, concentrated +tone, "you called yourself a Southern gentleman. I did not dream +you could strike a woman, even when drunk." + +The effect of her words was magical. His hand sank to his side. +Then he raised it and passed it over his brow as if it all were a +horrid dream. Without a word he went with unsteady step to his own +room, and again Mildred locked the door upon him. + +Mrs. Jocelyn's swoon was long and death-like, and before Mildred +could restore her, Belle, returning from her work, tried to enter, +and finding the door locked called for admittance. When she crossed +the threshold and saw the supper dishes broken and scattered on +the floor: when she saw her mother looking as if dead, the little +ones crying at her side, and Mildred scarcely less pale than the +broken-hearted woman, with a desperate look in her blue eyes, the +young girl gave a long, low cry of despair, and covering her face +with her hands she sank into a chair murmuring, "I can't endure +this any longer--I'd rather die. We are just going to rack and +ruin. Oh, I wish I could die, for I'm getting reckless--and--and +wicked. Oh, oh, oh!--" + +"Belle, come and help me," said Mildred, in the hard, constrained +tones of one who is maintaining self-control by the utmost effort. +Belle complied, but there was an expression on her face that filled +her sister's soul with dread. + +It were well perhaps to veil the agony endured in the stricken +household that night. The sufferings of such women as Mrs. Jocelyn +and Mildred cannot be portrayed in words, and the dark chaos that +had come into poor Belle's tempted, despairing, immature soul might +well make her good angel weep. With a nature craving sunshine and +pleasure like the breath of life, she felt herself being dragged +hopelessly into darkness, shame, and abject poverty. The poor child +was not deliberately contemplating evil--she was scarcely capable +of doing good or evil deliberately--but a youth who had sought her +once before, and of whom she had long been shy, was again hovering +around her. + +She was more wary now, yet bolder, and received his advances with +a manner tinged with mocking coquetry. He was profuse with promises, +and she tried to believe them, but in her heart she could not, and +yet she did not repulse him with that stern, brief decision which +forms the viewless, impassable wall that hedges virtue. + +The sisters tried to remove the outward traces of their wrecked +home, and mechanically restored such order as was within their power, +but in their secret souls they saw their household gods overturned +and trampled upon, and, with the honor and manhood of their father, +they felt that night as if they had lost everything. + +After they had quieted their mother and brought the poor creature a +brief oblivion, Mildred made a passionate appeal to Belle to stand +by her. The warm-hearted girl cried and wrung her hands passionately, +but all her trembling sister could obtain from her were the words, + +"Millie, we are being dragged down I don't know where." + +Events followed rapidly. Before Mr. Jocelyn, sullen, nerveless, +racked with headache and tortured with heartache, could leave his +room on the morrow, the agent of the tenement served a notice on +him to the effect that he must vacate his rooms at once; that the +other tenants complained of him as a nuisance; and that he (the +agent) would be content to lose the rent for the few days that had +elapsed since the last regular payment if they would all go out +at once. The angry reply was that they would move that day, and, +without a word, he left his family in suspense. In the course of the +forenoon he returned with a furniture van, and had so braced himself +with opium that he was able to assist effectively, yet morosely, +in the packing and removing of their fast-dwindling effects, for +everything not essential had been sold. His wife and daughter did +not remonstrate--they were too dispirited for that--but in dreary +apathy did his bidding as far as their strength permitted, feeling +meanwhile that any change could scarcely be for the worse. + +Mildred almost felt that it was for the better, for their new +shelter was in a small rear tenement not far from the old mansion, +and was reached from the street by a long covered passageway. To her +morbid fancy it suggested the hiding-place that her heart craved. +She now scarcely heeded the facts that the place was anything but +cleanly and that their neighbors were more unpromising in appearance +than those they had just left. Mrs. Jocelyn was so ill and weak +that she ought not to raise her hands, and Mildred felt that her +strength was unequal to the task of even arranging their household +articles so as to make the poor little nook inhabitable. She therefore +went for their old stanch ally Mrs. Wheaton, who returned with her +and wrought such miracles as the wretched place permitted of. In +just foreboding she shook her head over the prospects of her friends +in such a neighborhood, for her experienced eyes enabled her to +gauge very correctly the character of the people who lived across +the hall and in the upper and lower stories. They were chiefly +ignorant and debased Irish families, and the good woman's fears +were not wholly due to race antipathy. In the tenement from which +they came, the people, although poor, were in the main stolid, +quiet, and hard-working, but here on every side were traces and +hints, even at midday, of degraded and vicious lives. The classes +in the tenements appear to have a moral gravity or affinity which +brings to the same level and locality those who are alike, and +woe be to aliens who try to dwell among them. The Jocelyns did not +belong to the tenement classes at all, and Mrs. Wheaton correctly +feared that the purgatory which was the corner-stone in their +neighbors' creeds would be realized in the temporal experience of +the Southern family. Now that the step had been taken, however, +she concealed her anxieties, and did her best to avoid collisions +with the burly, red-faced women and insolent children whose +officious offers of help were but thin veils to a coarse curiosity +and a desire for petty pilfering. Mildred shuddered at the people +about her, and was cold and brief in her words. As it was, Fred +nearly brought on general hostilities by resisting a shock-headed +little urchin who had not the remotest regard for the principles +of MEUM and TUUM. As the sun declined the general verdict of the +neighbors was, "They thinks themselves too foine for the loikes o' +us, but we'll tache 'em." + +After Mrs. Wheaton had departed with many misgivings, Mildred took +her father aside and told him plainly what had occurred the evening +before. He sat with his face buried in his hands, and listened without +a word. Indeed, he was so overwhelmed with shame and remorse that +he was speechless. "Papa, look at me," she said at last. + +Slowly he raised his bloodshot, fearful eyes to hers, and the +expression of his child's face made him tremble. + +"Papa," she said slowly, and her tones were both sad and stern, +"you must never come home drunk again. Another such scene might +cost mamma her life. If you WILL take opium, we cannot help it, but +you must drink no more vile liquor. I have now learned from bitter +experience what the latter means, and what it must lead to. I +shall not fail in love and duty to you, but I cannot permit mamma, +Belle, and the children to be utterly destroyed. You may do some +wild, reckless deed that would blast us all beyond remedy; therefore, +if you have a particle of self-control left, let rum alone, or else +we must protect ourselves. We have endured it thus far, not with +patience and resignation, but in a sort of apathetic despair. This +apathy has been broken. Belle is becoming reckless, mamma is dying +of a broken heart, and the little ones are exposed to influences +that threaten to blight their lives. There must be some change for +the better. We must at least be relieved from the fear of bodily +harm and the intolerable shame of such scenes as occurred last night. +In our hard struggle we must find some kind of a refuge and some +degree of quiet and peace in what we call home. It is no kindness +to you to endure in silence any longer, and I now see that it will +be fatal to those we both love. You may not be able to refrain +from opium, but you can and must give up liquor. If you cannot, +and there is a remedy in the land, we must avail ourselves of it. +I do not know what kind of a place you have brought us to, but I +feel sure that we shall need protection. If you should come home +again as you did last night, I am satisfied, from the looks of the +people in this house, that we should have a scene of violence that +I shudder to think of. You had better--it would be more merciful +to stab mamma to her heart than to cause her death by drunkenness." + +Her words were not threatening, but were spoken with the calmness +of inexorable resolve, and he sat before her with an ashen face, +trembling like an aspen, for it was like the Day of Judgment to +him. Then in gentler and pleading accents she told him of their +plan to place him under skilful treatment, and besought him to +yield himself up to the care of one who had won much reputation +in dealing with cases like his own; but all the encouragement she +could obtain were the words, "I'll think of it." + +The memory of those fearful days on shipboard, when he was without +morphia, made him recoil with unspeakable dread from a like ordeal +again, but he promised earnestly that he would indulge no more +in liquor. With the cunning of an opium maniac he understood his +danger, knowing that further scenes of violence would lead to his +arrest and imprisonment. Of his gentle wife he had no fears, but +this frail, resolute girl subdued him. He saw that he was driving +a strong nature to desperation--saw it with all the agony and remorse +of a naturally good father whose better nature was bound hand and +foot by depraved appetites. He was conscious of the terrible wrong +that he was inflicting on those for whom he once would have died +to shield them from a breath of dishonor. But, come what might, he +must have opium now, and to counteract the words of his daughter he +took enough morphia to kill all the wretched inmates of the tenement. +Under its slight exhilaration he felt some hope of availing himself +of the proposition that he should go to a curative institution, +and he half promised that he would before long. At this point the +painful interview ended, and Mildred went for Belle, who as yet +had no knowledge of their change of abode. + +As the two girls returned, in the dusk of evening, to the long dark +passageway that led to the tenement in which they now had rooms, +Mildred trembled with fear as she saw that its entrance was surrounded +and blocked by a group of rough-looking young men and boys. Belle +pushed boldly through them, although they leered, laughed, and made +coarse jests. Mildred followed shrinkingly, with downcast eyes. +"We'll tache 'em to be neighborly," were the last words she heard, +showing that the young ruffians had already obtained their cue from +their depraved and low-lived parents. + +They looked forward to a dismal evening, but a loyal friend came +to their rescue. Roger, having arranged the room selected for him +by Mr. Wentworth, could not resist the temptation to see those +who were ever uppermost in his thoughts. In dismay and anxiety he +learned of their hasty removal and something of the causes which +led to it. From the janitor he obtained their present address, +and the appearance of his broad shoulders and fearless face had a +restraining influence on the mischief-making propensities of the +rowdies who kennelled in the vicinity. The alien new-comers evidently +were not friendless, and there was hesitation in the half-formed +measures for their annoyance. + +Roger remained an hour or two, aiding the girls in trying to make +the rooms more homelike, which, however, was rather a hopeless +task. Mr. Jocelyn, half stupefied by opium, retreated to one of +the small dark closet bedrooms, and left the scene unembarrassed by +his presence. Roger remarked emphatically that the tenement was no +place for them, but Mildred told him that the rent had been paid +for a month in advance, and that they must try to endure it, adding, +"The twenty-five dollars that you and Mr. Wentworth obtained for +me has been, after all, a perfect Godsend." + +He was touched, and bound to her with bands of steel by the perfect +trust she now reposed in him, and he determined to watch over her +like an amiable dragon, making it his first and constant thought +how to rescue them all from their wretched condition. He was much +surprised, however, when Mildred said to him, as he was preparing +to leave, "Mr. Atwood, there is something I wish to say to you. +Will you let me walk a block or two with you, and then bring me +back again?" + +Roger tried to disguise his feelings by saying laughingly that he +would "walk to Spuyten Duyvil" with her, but added, "You are too +tired to go out at all to-night. I will come to-morrow evening," +and he remonstrated so earnestly and kindly that she yielded, +promising to rest much of the following day. + +"Oh, Millie," said her mother, with a faint smile, "it does my heart +good to see that there is some one who knows how and has the will +to take care of you." + +"Yes," cried Belle, "this place is a perfect hole. It's not fit +for nice girls to be seen in, and if Roger gives us a chance to +get out of it you had better take it as soon as possible. I give +you fair warning." + +"What do you mean, Belle?" asked her mother. Belle made no answer, +but went to her closet bedroom with a morose, sullen look on her face. +The poor woman looked inquiringly at Mildred, who said soothingly, +"Don't worry, mamma. Belle is a little tired and discouraged tonight. +She'll be in a better mood in the morning." + +When all were sleeping from the fatigues of the day, she sat alone +with clasped hands and eyes so wide and troubled that it seemed +as if she could never close them again. "Alas!" she sighed, "what +must I do? He is our good genius, and yet I must drive him away. +He must not sacrifice all his prospects for us. It would be most +cruel and unjust to let him do so. I must reason with him and show +him plainly that it would not be right, and absolve him from every +shadow of blame for leaving us to such fate as God permits. Because +he is so generous and brave he shall not suffer a loss which he +cannot now comprehend." + +At last, from utter weariness, she fell into a broken sleep. + + + + +CHAPTER XL + +NEIGHBORS + + +Promptly the following evening Roger appeared, and with glowing +cheeks told his friends that Mr. Wentworth had found him employment +in a lawyer's office, which would enable him to pay his way and +at the same time give him much practical insight into his chosen +profession. Mildred looked at him wistfully, but her resolution +was not shaken, and they went out together, Roger saying, with a +smiling nod at Belle, "It will be your turn to-morrow evening." + +"Roger," said Mildred, "I've much to say to you, and it is of great +importance that you should listen calmly and sensibly." + +"All right," he answered laughingly. "You will find me as quiet +and impressible as the oysters over which we'll have our talk, but +only on this condition. You shall not fatigue yourself by a word +here in the street." Nevertheless she felt the phlegmatic creature's +arm trembling under her hand. After a moment he went on, in the +same light way, "I want you to understand I am not going to be a +friend in name merely; I intend to assert my rights, and you had +better learn from the start that I am the most tremendously obstinate +fellow in the city." + +"But you must listen to reason." + +"Certainly; so must you." + +"To begin with," she resumed, "I've had my supper, and so don't +need any more." + +"I haven't had mine, and am ravenous. The idea of talking reason +to a hungry man! I know of a nice quiet restaurant which, at this +hour, we'll have almost to ourselves. You surely won't be so unsocial +as to let me eat alone." + +"Well, if I yield in trifles you must yield in matters that are +vital. Why did you not get your supper before?" + +"Too busy; and then, to be honest, I knew I'd enjoy it a hundredfold +more with you. I'm a social animal." + +Mildred sighed, for this good-comradeship was making her duty very +hard. + +They soon reached the place in question, and Roger ordered enough +for four. + +"You don't realize what you are doing in any respect," said Mildred +in smiling reproof. + +"Wait half an hour before you settle that question," he replied +with a confident nod. "I'll soon prove to you what an unsentimental +being I am." + +"Oh," thought Mildred, "how can I give up his friendship when he +acts in this way? And yet I must. He must be shown just how he is +wronging himself." When the waiter had departed she looked straight +into his eyes with one of her steadfast glances, and said earnestly, +"Roger, I appreciate your generous kindness far more than any words +can tell you, but the time has come for me to act resolutely and +finally. Sad experience has taught me more within a year than most +women learn in a lifetime. Mrs. Wheaton, who often works for your +aunt, has told us of the sacrifice you have made in our behalf, +and we cannot permit it. If not in years, I'm much older than you +in other respects, and you don't realize--" + +Roger interrupted her by leaning back in his chair and breaking +out into an irrepressible laugh. "So you are going to interfere in +behalf of the small boy's interests? My venerable friend, permit +me to remind you that I am six feet high in my stockings, and have +lately reached the mature age of twenty-one." + +"Roger," replied Mildred, with a pained look on her face, "I'm +in earnest, and I've lain awake nearly all of two nights thinking +about it." + +"Millie, your oysters are getting cold. You don't know anything +about boys, much less about men. Don't you know I'll be much more +amiable after supper? It's the nature of the male animal, and what's +the use of going against nature?" + +"Oh, Roger, listen to me. I'm desperately in earnest. To let you +sacrifice such prospects as Mrs. Wheaton said your uncle held out +to you for our sakes oppresses me with guilt. I can't eat anything--you +don't realize--" + +"Millie Jocelyn," said Roger, his face becoming grave and gentle, +"I know what you are driving at. You might as well try to stop Spring +from coming on. I'm going to be your honest, faithful friend, so +help me God! Even if you left me now and refused to speak to me +again, I'd watch over you and yours in every way I could. It's my +good destiny, and I thank God for it, for I feel it's making a man +of me. I won't deceive you in one iota, and I admit to my shame +that my worldly old uncle tempted me that night, especially after +I saw from your face just how you felt. Even then my hope was that +I could do more for you by yielding to his views than if I stood +out against them, but a little thought convinced me that you +would starve rather than take aid from one who would not give open +friendship and companionship, and you would be right. Oh, I exult +in your pride, and respect you for it. You are my ideal woman, +Millie, and if my uncle had owned this island, and had offered it +all to me, I'd have made a wretched bargain in giving up for it +the privilege of being here this evening, with the right to look +you straight in the eyes without shame. If I had yielded to him +then, as the devil tempted me to, I'd never have known another day +of self-respect or happiness. I'm building now on the rock of honor +and manhood, and you can't say anything that will change my purpose. +I know what I am about if I am only a 'boy'; and Mr. Wentworth, +who has been told all, approves of my course. So eat your oysters, +Millie, and submit to the inevitable." + +"Oh, Roger, Roger, what shall I say to you?" + +"Look here, Millie; if you were in my place, would you desert a +brave, true girl in misfortune? No; unlike me, you would never have +hesitated a moment." + +"But, Roger, as you say you--you--saw in my face a truth that +absolved you--" + +"What I saw in your face," he said gravely, "is my misfortune. +It is not anything for which you are to blame in the least. And, +Millie, I'd rather have your friendship than any other woman's love. +I'm choosing my own course with my eyes open, and, thank God, I've +chosen rightly. I'd have been the most miserable fellow in the whole +city if I had chosen otherwise. Now I'm happy. It's all right. I've +vowed to be a brother to Belle, and to do all in my power for your +sweet, gentle mother. I've vowed to be your true friend in all +respects, and if you protested till Doomsday it wouldn't make any +difference. I've written to my mother, and I know her well enough +to be sure that she will approve of my course. So will my father +by and by. He isn't bad at heart, but, like uncle, a dollar is so +large in his eyes that it hides the sun. Be that as it may, I'm +just as much of an Atwood as he is, and can be just as obstinate +in doing what I know to be right as he can be in requiring a course +that would spoil my life. Millie, there never was a soldier, in +all the past, braver than you have shown yourself to be, and you +are a delicate girl that I could carry like a child. Do you advise +a young, strong-handed fellow to play the coward, and desert the +women I love and honor in their sore need and danger? You have +looked on only one side of this question, and you must not think +so meanly of me as to even suggest anything of the kind again." + +"Roger, Roger, can you realize what you are saying?" Mildred +faltered, a slow, painful flush crimsoning her face. "How can you +honor those who are so disgraced? You don't know what papa has +become. The world will share your uncle's views concerning us." + +"I do know all about your father, Millie, and I pity him from the +depths of my soul. He is the dark background which brings out your +absolute truth and purity. I do honor you and Mrs. Jocelyn as I +honor my own mother, and I intend to prove myself worthy of your +respect at least, for its loss would be fatal to me. I even honor +your rare fidelity, though it stands so awfully in my way. Now, +surely, we understand each other. But, come, this is far too serious +talk for a restaurant and the supper-table. I am now going to give +my whole soul to oysters, and I adjure you by our bonds to do the +same. Here's to our friendship, Millie, and may I be choked the +moment I'm false to it!" and he drained a generous cup of coffee. + +"You won't listen to me, then," she said, with a face wherein +perplexity, relief, and gratitude were blended. + +"I won't listen to a word that will make me the most miserable +wretch in the world, and you won't get rid of me as long as I live. +So, there, you might as well submit to fate and eat your oysters." + +Her expression became very grave and resolute. "Roger," she said +slowly, "I did not know there was so kind and true a man in the +world. I will do anything that you can ask." + +His eyes suddenly became infinitely wistful and tender, and then +he gave himself a little characteristic shake as he said, rather +brusquely, "I accept that promise, and shall at once tax it to the +utmost with the request that you eat a jolly good supper and call +on me every time I can aid you." + +Her glance in response warmed his soul, and then she gave herself +up to social friendliness in a way which proved that a great +burden had been taken from her heart. On their way home, however, +she hinted her fears in regard to Belle, and Roger understood her +thoroughly. For the next few days he watched the young girl, and soon +satisfied himself as to the character of the man who was pursuing +her. His object now was to obtain some ground for brotherly +interference, and one Saturday evening, while following Belle home, +he saw a young man join her and receive an undoubted welcome. He +soon became aware that matters were progressing fast and far, for +the young people wandered off into unfrequented streets, and once, +where the shadows were deepest, he saw Belle's attendant steal +his arm about her waist and kiss her. Belle's protest was not very +vigorous, and when at last they parted in the passageway that led +to Belle's home the kiss was repeated and not resented at all. + +Roger followed the young man, and said, "You have just parted from +Miss Belle Jocelyn." + +"Well, that's my affair." + +"You will find yourself so greatly mistaken that you had better +answer my questions honestly. What are your intentions toward her? +I have the right to ask." + +"None of your business." + +"Look here, young man, she has acknowledged me as her brother, +and as a brother I feel toward her. I've only a few plain words to +say. If your intentions are honorable I'll not interfere, although +I know all about you, and you are not my style of man by any means. +If your intentions are not honorable, and you do not cease your +attentions, I'll break every bone in your body--I swear it by the +God who made me." + +"Go to the devil!" muttered the fellow. + +"No, sir, nor shall I permit you to take one dear to me to the devil, +but I pledge my word to send you straight to him if you harm Belle +Jocelyn. Here, stop and look me in the eyes under this lamp. You +kissed her twice to-night. Do you intend to make her your wife?" + +There was no answer, but the sullen, half-frightened face was an +unmistakable response. "I understand you now," said Roger savagely, +taking the fellow by the throat, "and I'll send you swiftly to +perdition if you don't promise to let that girl alone," and his +gleaming eyes and iron grasp awed the incipient roue so completely +that he quavered out: + +"Oh, let go. If you feel the girl is your property, I'll let her +alone." + +Roger gave him a wrathful push which precipitated his limp form +into the gutter, and growled as he walked of, "If you value your +life, keep your promise." + +An evening or two later Roger said to Belle, whom he had taken out +for a stroll, "I kept my word--I cowhided that fellow Bissel, who +played such a dastardly part toward your sister. Of course I did +not want to get myself into trouble, or give him any power over +me, so I found out his haunts and followed him. One night, as he +was returning rather late from a drinking saloon, I spoiled his good +looks with a dozen savage cuts. He was too confused to see who it +was in the dark, and to mislead him more thoroughly I said, with +the last blow, 'Take that for lying and causing a poor girl to +be sent to prison.' He thinks, no doubt, that some friend of the +thief was the one who punished him. What's more, he won't forget +the lashing I gave him till his dying day, and if I mistake not +his smooth face will long bear my marks." + +Belle gave but a languid approval, for she had missed her lover for +the last two evenings. "Belle," he continued, gravely but gently, +"I was tempted to choke the life out of a fellow the other night, +and it was the life of one who kissed you twice." + +She dropped her hand from his arm, but he replaced it and held it +tightly as he resumed, "I'm no make-believe brother, you know. I'm +just such a brother as I would be if I had been born with you on +a Southern plantation. Though the young man was not to my mind, I +told him that if his intentions were honorable I would not interfere, +but I soon learned that he was an out-and-out scoundrel, and I said +words to him that will make him shun you as he would death. Belle, +I would kill him as I used to club rattlesnakes in the country, if +he harmed a hair of your head, and he knows it." + +"You misjudge him utterly," cried Belle in a passion, "and you +have just driven away the one friend that I had in all the world. +I won't stand it. I'm not a baby, and I won't be treated like one." + +Roger let her storm on without a word, but at last, when she +concluded, "I've no father worthy of the name, and so I'll take +care of myself," he asked quietly: + +"How about your mother, Belle?" + +In strong revulsion the impulsive girl gave way to an equally +passionate outburst of grief. "Oh," she cried, "I wish I were dead!" + +"Belle," said Roger, very gently now, "if you listened to that +fellow you would soon make that wish in earnest. Now in your heart +you don't mean it at all. You don't love such a man, and you know +it. Why should you throw your young, beautiful life into the gutter? +It is a mere reckless protest against your unhappy life. Belle, +you are not seventeen, and you may live till you are seventy if +you take care of yourself. Think of the changes for the better that +may come in that time. They shall come, too. I shall share with you +all my fortunes, and you have told me many a time that I was sure +to succeed. I pledge you my word that before many years you shall +have good honest men at your feet," and he reasoned with her so +sensibly, and petted and soothed her so kindly, that at last she +clung to his arm as if it were a defence indeed, and said, with +tearful eyes, "You ARE a brother in the best sense of the word, and +I wonder you have patience with such a reckless, passionate fool +as I am. I'm not fit for you to speak to." + +"No, Belle, you are not bad at heart--far from it. You are half +desperate from your present misfortunes, and in your blind impulse +to escape you would make matters infinitely worse. Be patient, +dear. It's a long lane that has no turning. To one so young as you +are life promises very much, if it is not spoiled at the beginning, +and Mr. Wentworth would tell us that there is a heaven beyond it +all." + +The influence of this interview did not speedily pass from her +mind, and by her gentler and more patient bearing Mildred was taught +again how much she owed to one whom she had so long repelled. + +Mr. Wentworth succeeded in interesting the lady to whom he had +referred in Mildred, and a visit from the young girl confirmed her +good impressions. As a result, sufficient work was found or made +to give Mildred steady employment. Mr. Jocelyn was comparatively +quiet and much at home. Often he was excessively irritable and +exasperating in words and manner, but no longer violent from bestial +excess. He put off the project of going to a curative institution, +with the true opium inertia and procrastination, and all efforts +to lead him to definite action proved fruitless. His presence, +however, and his quiet, haughty ways, with Roger's frequent visits, +did much for a time to restrain the ill-disposed people around them, +but the inevitable contact with so much depravity and coarseness +was almost unendurable. + +Now that Mildred no longer went out to her work, she taxed her +ingenuity to the utmost to amuse Fred and Minnie, that she might +keep them from the horrible associations beyond their door, but +her father's irritability often rendered it impossible for them to +remain in the room, and, childlike, they would assimilate somewhat +with the little heathen among whom their lot was now cast. + +Poor Mrs. Jocelyn was sinking under her sorrows. She did not complain: +she blamed herself with a growing morbidness for the ruin of her +husband and the hard lot of her children, and hope deferred was +making her heart sick indeed. Her refined, gentle nature recoiled +with an indescribable repugnance from her surroundings, and one +day she received a shock from which she never fully recovered. + +Her husband was out, and Mildred had gone to deliver some work. +The children, whom she tried to keep with her, broke away at last +and left the door open. Before she could close it a drunken woman +stumbled in, and, sinking into a chair, she let a bundle slip from +her hands. It fell on the floor, unrolled, and a dead infant lay +before Mrs. Jocelyn's horrified gaze. Her cries for help brought a +stout, red-faced woman from across the hallway, and she seemed to +understand what was such a fearful mystery to Mrs. Jocelyn, for +she took the unwelcome intruder by the shoulder and tried to get +her to go out hastily, but the inebriated wretch was beyond shame, +fear, or prudence. Pulling out of her pocket a roll of bills, she +exclaimed, in hideous exultation: + +"Faix, I'oive had a big day's work. Trhree swell families on the +Avenue guv me all this to burry the brat. Burry it? Divil a bit. +It's makin' me fortin'. Cud we ony git dead babbies enough we'd +all be rich, Bridget, but here's enough to kape the pot bilin' for +wakes to come, and guv us a good sup o' whiskey into the bargain. +Here, take a drap," she said, pulling out a black bottle and holding +it up to Mrs. Jocelyn. "What yer glowrin' so ghostlike for? Ah, let +me alone, ye ould hag," she said angrily to the red-faced woman, +who seemed in great trepidation, and tried to put her hand over +the drunken creature's mouth. "Who's afeard? Money'll buy judge +and jury, an' if this woman peaches on us I'll bate her brains out +wid the dead babby." + +Finding that words were of no avail, and that she could not move +the great inert mass under which Mrs. Jocelyn's chair was creaking, +the neighbor from across the way snatched the money and retreated +to her room. This stratagem had the desired effect, for the woman +was not so intoxicated as to lose her greed, and she followed as +hastily as her unsteady steps permitted. A moment later the red-faced +woman dashed in, seized the dead child and its wrappings, and then +shaking her huge fist in Mrs. Jocelyn's face, said, "If yees ever +spakes of what yer've sane, I'll be the death of ye--by the V'argin +I will; so mum's the word, or it'll be worse for ye." + +When Mildred returned she found her mother nervously prostrated. +"I've had a bad turn," was her only explanation. Her broken spirit +was terrified by her awful neighbors, and not for the world would +she add another feather's weight to the burdens under which her +family faltered by involving them in a prosecution of the vile +impostor who had sickened her with the exposure of a horrible +trade. [Footnote: This character is not an imaginary one, and, on +ample authority, I was told of an instance where the large sum of +fifty dollars was obtained from some kindly family by this detestable +method of imposition.] + +"Mamma," cried Mildred, in sharp distress, "we must leave this +place. It's killing you." + +"I wish we could leave it, dear," sighed the poor woman. "I think +I'd be better anywhere else." + +"We shall leave it," said the girl resolutely. "Let the rent go. +I had already about decided upon it, and now I'll go with Mrs. +Wheaton to-morrow and find rooms among more respectable people." + +The events of the evening confirmed her purpose, for the young roughs +that rendezvoused nightly at the entrance of the long passageway +determined that they would no longer submit to the "uppish airs" +of the sisters, but "tache 'em" that since they lived in the same +house they were no better than their neighbors. Therefore, as +Belle boldly brushed by them as usual on her return from the shop, +one young fellow, with a wink to his comrades, followed her, and +where the passage was darkest put his arm around her waist and +pressed upon her cheek a resounding kiss. In response there came +from the entrance a roar of jeering laughter. But the young ruffian +found instantly to his sorrow that he had aroused a tigress. Belle +was strong and furious from the insult, and her plump hand came +down on the fellow's nose with a force that caused the blood to +flow copiously. After the quick impulse of anger and self-defence +passed she ran sobbing like a child to Mildred, and declared she +would not stay another day in the vile den. Mildred was white with +anger, and paced the room excitedly for a few moments. + +"Oh, God, that we had a father!" she gasped. "There, Belle, let us +be patient," she continued after a few moments; "we can't contend +with such wretches. I promise you that this shall be your last day +in this place. We ought to have left before." + +Then, as the girls grew calmer, they resolved not to tell either +their father or Roger, fearing that they might become embroiled in +a dangerous and disgraceful quarrel involving their presence in a +police court. Mildred had given her mother a sedative to quiet her +trembling nerves, and she was sleeping in one of the bedrooms, and +so happily was not aware of Belle's encounter. + +Mr. Jocelyn soon came in, and, for the first time since Mildred's +warning, was a little the worse for liquor, but he had the +self-control to keep quiet, and after a few mouthfuls of supper +went to his room overcome by the stupor he had sought. After the +children were sleeping the girls gladly welcomed Roger, for he had +become the chief source of light and hope in their saddened lives. +And he did brighten and cheer them wonderfully, for, content with +a long and prosperous day's work, and full of the hopefulness and +courage of youth, he imparted hope and fortitude to them in spite +of all that was so depressing. + +"Come, girls," he said at last, "you need some oxygen. The air is +close and stifling in this den of a house, and outside the evening +is clear and bracing. Let's have a stroll." + +"We can't go far," said Mildred, "for mamma is sleeping, and I +would not have her wake and be frightened for anything." + +"Well, we'll only go around a block or two. You'll feel the +stronger for it, and be in a better condition to move to-morrow," +for Mildred had told him of her purpose, and he had promised to +help them get settled on the following evening. When they reached +the end of the dark passage-way they feared that trouble was brewing, +for a score of dark, coarse faces lowered at them, and the fellow +that Belle had punished glared at her above his bandaged face. +Paying no heed to them, however, they took a brief, quick walk, +and returned to find the entrance blocked by an increasing number +of dangerous-looking young ruffians. + +"Stand aside," said Roger sternly. + +A big fellow knocked off his hat in response, and received instantly +a blow in the eye which would have felled him had he not been +sustained by the crowd, who now closed on the young man. + +"Run up the street and call for police," he said to the girls, but +they were snatched back and held by some of the gang, and hands +placed over their mouths, yet not before they had uttered two +piercing cries. + +Roger, after a brief, desperate struggle, got his back to the +wall and struck blows that were like those of a sledge-hammer. He +was dealing, however, with some fairly trained pugilists, and was +suffering severely, when a policeman rushed in, clubbing right +and left. The gang dispersed instantly, but two were captured. The +girls, half fainting from excitement and terror, were conducted +to their room by Roger, and then they applied palliatives to the +wounds of their knight, with a solicitude and affection which made +the bruises welcome indeed to the young fellow. They were in terror +at the idea of his departure, for the building was like a seething +caldron. He reassured them by promising to remain until all was +quiet, and the police also informed them that the house would be +under surveillance until morning. + +On the following day, with Mrs. Wheaton's aid, they found rooms +elsewhere, and Roger, after appearing as witness against the rowdies +that had been captured, and informing his employers of what had +occurred, gave the remaining hours to the efficient aid of his +friends. + + + + +CHAPTER XLI + +GLINTS OF SUNSHINE + + +Their new rooms at first promised remarkably well. They were on the +ground-floor of a large tenement that fronted on a rather narrow +street, and their neighbors seemed quiet, well-disposed people. Mr. +Wentworth soon called and congratulated them on the change. Mrs. +Wheaton frequently came to give Mrs. Jocelyn a "'elping 'and," as +she phrased it, but her eliminations did not extend to her work, +which was rounded out with the completeness of hearty goodwill. +Roger rarely missed an evening without giving an hour or two to +the girls, often taking them out to walk, with now and then a cheap +excursion on the river or a ramble in Central Park. In the latter +resort they usually spent part of Sunday afternoon, going thither +directly from the chapel. Mildred's morbidness was passing away. She +had again taken her old class, and her face was gaining a serenity +which had long been absent. + +One of the great wishes of her heart now had good prospect of +being fulfilled, for her father had at last consented to go to an +institution wherein he could receive scientific treatment suited +to his case. The outlook was growing so hopeful that even Mrs. +Jocelyn was rallying into something like hopefulness and courage, +and her health was slowly improving. She was one whose life was +chiefly sustained by her heart and the well-being of those she +loved. + +Belle also was improving greatly. The memorable interview with +Roger, already described, had a lasting influence, and did much +to banish the giddiness of unthinking, ignorant girlhood, and the +recklessness arising from an unhappy life. Now that the world was +brightening again, she brightened with it. Among his new associates +Roger found two or three fine, manly fellows, who were grateful +indeed for an introduction to the handsome, lively girl, and +scarcely a week passed during May and June that some inexpensive +evening excursion was not enjoyed, and thoroughly enjoyed too, even +by Mildred. Roger was ever at his best when in her society. His +talk was bright and often witty, and his spirit of fun as genuine +and contagious as that of Belle herself. He was now sincerely +happy in the consciousness of Mildred's perfect trust and strong +affection, believing that gradually, and even before the girl was +aware of it, she would learn to give more than friendship. It was +his plan to make himself essential to her life, indeed a part of +it, and he was apparently succeeding. Mildred had put her fate into +his hands. She felt that she owed so much to him that she was ready +to keep her promise literally. At any time for months he might have +bound her to him by promises that would never have been broken; he +knew it, and she was aware of his knowledge, but when, instead of +taking advantage of her gratitude, he avoided all sentiment, and +treated her with a cordial frankness as if she were in truth simply +the friend he had asked her to become, all of her old constraint +in his presence was unthought of, and she welcomed the glances of +his dark, intent eyes, which interpreted her thoughts even before +they were spoken. The varying expressions of his face made it +plain enough to her that he liked and appreciated her thoughts, and +that his admiration and affection were only strengthened by their +continued companionship. Moreover, she was well content with what +she regarded as her own progress toward a warmer regard for him. + +One moonlight night in June they made up a little party for +an excursion on a steamer plying down the Bay. Belle had had two +attendants, and would have been just as well pleased had there been +two or three more. As she once asserted, she could have kept them +"all jolly." During the earlier hours Roger had been as merry and +full of nonsense as Belle, but on their return he and Mildred had +taken seats a little apart from the others and drifted into some +talk relating to one of his studies, he in a simple, lucid manner +explaining to her the latest theories on a disputed question. She +surprised and pleased him by saying, with a little pathetic accent +in her voice, + +"Oh, Roger, you are leaving me far, far behind." + +"What do you mean, Millie?" + +"Why, you are climbing the peaks of knowledge at a great pace, and +what's to become of poor little me, that have no chance to climb +at all worth naming? You won't want a friend who doesn't know +anything, and can't understand what you are thinking about." + +"I'll wait for you, Millie; rest assured you shall never be left +alone." + +"No, that won't do at all," she replied, and she was in earnest +now. "There is one thing wherein you will find me as obstinate +as an Atwood, and that is never to let our friendship retard your +progress or render your success doubtful, now that you have struck +out for yourself. Your relatives think that I--that we shall be a +drag upon you; I have resolved that we shall not be, and you know +that I have a little will of my own as well as yourself. You must +not wait for me in any sense of the word, for you know how very +proud I am, and all my pride is staked on your success. It ought +to have been dead long ago, but it seems just as strong as ever." + +"And I'm proud of your pride. You are a soldier, Millie, and it +isn't possible for you to say, 'I surrender.'" + +"You are mistaken. When you saved me from prison; when you gave +nearly all you had that papa might have the chance which I trust +will restore his manhood, I surrendered, and no one knew it better +than you did." + +"Pardon me, Millie; the gates of the citadel were closed, and +ever have been. Even your will cannot open them no, not even your +extravagant sense of gratitude for what it would be my happiness to +do in any case. That something which was once prejudice, dislike, +repulsion, has retreated into the depths of your heart, and it +won't yield--at least it hasn't yet. But, Millie, I shall be very +patient. Just as truly as if you were the daughter of a millionaire, +your heart shall guide your action." + +"You are a royal fellow, Roger," she faltered. "If you were not +so genuinely honest, I should think you wonderfully shrewd in your +policy." + +"Well, perhaps the honest course is always the shrewdest in the +long run," he replied laughingly, and with a deep gladness in his +tone, for her words gave a little encouragement. "But your charge +that I am leaving you behind as I pursue my studies has a grain of +truth in it as far as mere book learning goes. In your goodness, +Millie, and all that is most admirable, I shall always follow afar +off. Since I can't wait for you, as you say, and you have so little +time to read and study yourself, I am going to recite my lessons +to you--that is, some of them, those that would interest you--and +by telling you about what I have learned I shall fix it all in my +mind more thoroughly." + +Mildred was exceedingly pleased with the idea. "I don't see why +this isn't possible to some extent," she said gladly, "and I can't +tell you how much hope and comfort it gives me. That I've had so +little time to read and cultivate my mind has been one of the great +privations of our poverty, but if you will patiently try to make +me understand a little of what you are studying, I won't relapse +into barbarism. Oh, Roger, how good you are to me!" + +"That is like saying, How good I am to myself! Let me tell you, +Millie, in all sincerity, that this plan promises as much for +me as for you. Your mind is so quick, and you look at things so +differently, that I often get new and better ideas of the subject +after talking it over with you. The country boy that you woke up +last summer was right in believing that you could be an invaluable +friend, for I can't tell you how much richer life has become to +me." + +"Roger, how I misunderstood you! How blind and stupid I was! God +was raising up for me the best friend a girl ever had, and I acted +so shamefully that anybody but you would have been driven away." + +"You do yourself injustice, and I wouldn't let any one else judge +you so harshly." + +After reaching her room that night, Mildred thought, "I do believe +mamma was right, and that an old-fashioned Southern girl, such as +she says that I am, can learn to love a second time. Roger is so +genuinely good and strong! It rests me to be with him, and he gives +some of his own strength and courage. To-night, for the first time +since he told me everything so gently and honestly, has anything +been said of that which I can see is in his mind all the time, and +I brought on all that was said myself. I can now read his thoughts +better than he can read mine, and it would be mean not to give him +a little of the hope and encouragement that he so richly deserves. +It troubles me, however, that my mind and heart are so tranquil +when I'm with him. That's not the way I once felt," she sighed. +"He seems like the dearest brother a girl ever had--no, not that +exactly; he is to me the friend he calls himself, and I'd be content +to have things go on this way as long as we lived." + +"Millie," cried Belle roguishly, "what did Roger say to you to call +out such sweet smiles and tender sighs?" + +The young girl started, and flushed slightly. "We were talking +about astronomy," she said brusquely. + +"Well, I should think so, for the effects in your appearance are +heavenly. If he could have seen you as you have appeared for the +last ten minutes, he would be more desperately in love than ever. +Oh, Millie, you are so pretty that I am half in love with you +myself." + +"Nonsense! you are a giddy child. Tell me about your own favorites, +and which of them you like best." + +"I like them all best. Do you think I'm going to be such a little +goose as to tie myself down to one? These are but the advance guard +of scores. Still I shall always like these ones best because they +are kind to me now while I'm only a 'shop-lady.'" + +"You mustn't flirt, Belle." + +"I'm not flirting--only having a good time, and they know it. I'm +not a bit sentimental--only jolly, you know. When the right time +comes, and I've had my fun, I'm going to take my pick of the best." + +"Well, that's sensible. Belle, darling, are not Roger's friends +better than those underhanded fellows who could not look mamma in +the eyes?" + +"Oh, Millie," said the impulsive girl with a rush of tears, "don't +speak of those horrid days. I was an ignorant, reckless fool--I was +almost beside myself with despair and unhappiness; I could kiss +Roger's hands from gratitude. Look here, Millie, if you don't marry +him I will, for there's no one that can compare with him." + +"Come, now, don't make me jealous." + +"I wish I could. I've a great mind to flirt with him a little, just +to wake up your old stupid heart. Still I think you are coming on +very well. Oh, Millie, how I could dance at your wedding! Solid as +I am, my feet would scarcely touch the floor." + +Mildred laughed, and said softly, "It would be a pity to deny you +so much pleasure, Belle." Then she added resolutely, "No more talk +about weddings, if you please. For long, long years Roger must +give his whole mind to his studies. His relatives say that we shall +hang helplessly upon him and spoil his life, but we'll prove them +mistaken, Belle. I'd work my fingers off to give him the chance +that he'll make so much of, for I'm as proud of him as you are." + +"That's the way to talk," exulted Belle. "I see how it's all coming +out. He'll stand up head, as I told you, and I told you, too, +that he'd win you in spite of yourself. Roger Atwood does all he +undertakes--it's his way." + +"Well, we'll see," was the half-smiling, half-sighing answer; but +sanguine Belle had no doubt concerning the future, and soon her +long eyelashes drooped over her glowing cheeks in untroubled sleep. + +"Oh, how good for us all is the sunlight of a little happiness +and hope!" Mildred thought. "Darling mamma is reviving, Belle +is blossoming like a blush rose, and I--well, thank God for Roger +Atwood's friendship. May I soon be able to thank Him for his love." + +Ah, Mildred Jocelyn, you have still much to learn. A second love +can grow up in the heart, but not readily in one like yours. + +Within a month from the time that Mr. Jocelyn entered a curative +institution, he returned to his family greatly changed for the better. +His manner toward his family was full of remorseful tenderness, +and he was eager to retrieve his fortunes. They welcomed him with +such a wealth of affection, they cheered and sustained him in so +many delicate and sympathetic ways, that he wondered at the evil +spell which had bound him so long and made him an alien among those +so lovable and so dearly beloved. He now felt sure that he would +devote body and soul to their welfare for the rest of his days, +and he could not understand why or how it was that he had been so +besotted. The intense sufferings during the earlier stage of his +treatment at the institution made him shrink with horror from the +bare thought of his old enslavement, and during the first weeks +after his return he did not dream it was possible that he could +relapse, although he had been warned of his danger. His former +morbid craving was often fearfully strong, but he fought it with +a vindictive hatred, and his family, in their deep gladness and +inexperience, felt assured that husband and father had been restored +to them. + +It seemed as if he could not thank Roger enough, and his eyes grew +eloquent with gratitude when the young fellow's name was mentioned, +and when they rested on his bright, honest face. Mr. Wentworth +went out among his business friends, and so interested one of them +that a position was in a certain sense made for the poor man, and +although the salary was small at first, the prospect for its increase +was good if he would maintain his abstinence and prove that he had +not lost his old fine business powers. This he bade so fair to do +that hope and confidence grew stronger every day, and they felt that +before very long they would be able to move into more commodious +quarters, situated in a better part of the city, for by reason of the +neglect of the streets and sewerage on the part of the authorities, +the locality in which they now were was found to be both very +disagreeable and unwholesome. They would have removed at once, +but they were eager to repay Roger the money he had loaned them, +although he protested against their course. Not realizing their +danger, and in the impulse of their pride and integrity, they +remained, practicing the closest economy. + +Early in July, Roger obtained a vacation, and went home on a visit, +proposing to harden his muscles by aiding his father through the +harvest season. He was so helpful and so kind and considerate that +even grim, disappointed Mr. Atwood was compelled to admit that +his boy had become a man. Mrs. Atwood tenderly and openly exulted +over him, and, obeying her impulse, she wrote a friendly letter to +Mildred, which made the young girl very happy. + +Susan became more than reconciled to Roger's course, for he promised +that some day she should often come to the city and have splendid +times. Clara Bute bad become the happy wife of a well-to-do farmer, +and she sent an urgent request to Belle and Mildred to visit her. +The latter would not leave her parents, but Belle accepted gladly, +and the gay, frolicsome girl left more than one mild heartache +among the rural beaux that vied with each other in their attentions. + + + + +CHAPTER XLII + +HOPES GIVEN AND SLAIN + + +The skies seemed serene and bright, with promise to all for many +happy days, but clouds were gathering below the horizon, and, most +unexpectedly to him, the first bolt fell upon Roger. A day or two +before his return to the city he found at the village office a +letter with a foreign post-mark, addressed, in his care, to Miss +Mildred Jocelyn. He knew the handwriting instantly, and he looked +at the missive as if it contained his death-warrant. It was +from Vinton Arnold. As he rode away he was desperately tempted to +destroy the letter, and never breathe a word of its existence. He +hoped and half believed that Mildred was learning to love him, and +he was sure that if Arnold did not appear he would win all that +he craved. The letter, which he had touched as if it contained +nitro-glycerine, might slay every hope. Indeed he believed that it +would, for he understood Mildred better than she understood herself. +She believed that Arnold had given her up. Her heart had become +benumbed with its own pain, and was sleeping after its long, weary +waiting. He was sure, however, that if not interfered with he could +awaken it at last to content and happiness. This letter, however, +might be the torch which would kindle the old love with tenfold +intensity. Long hours he fought his temptation like a gladiator, +for fine as had been Mildred's influence over him, he was still +intensely human. At last he gained the victory, and went home quiet, +but more exhausted than he had ever been from a long hot day's toil +in the harvest-field. He had resolved to keep absolute faith with +Mildred, and having once reached a decision he was not one to waver. + +As his mother kissed him good-by she held him off a moment, then +whispered, "Roger, Miss Jocelyn has given you something better than +all your uncle's money. I am content that it should be as it is." + +On the afternoon of the day of his arrival in the city he went to +meet his fate. Mrs. Jocelyn greeted him like the mother he had just +left, and Mildred's glad welcome made him groan inwardly. Never +before had she appeared so beautiful to him--never had her greeting +been so tinged with her deepening regard. And yet she looked +inquiringly at him from time to time, for he could not wholly +disguise the fear that chilled his heart. + +"Belle had a perfectly lovely time in the country," said Mrs. +Jocelyn. "She has told us all about your people, and what a farmer +you became. She said everybody was proud of you up at Forestville, +and well they might be, although they don't know what we do. Oh, +Roger, my dear boy, it does my heart good to see you again. We +have all missed you so much. Oh, you'll never know--you never can +know. Good-by now, for a little while. I promised Mrs. Wheaton that +I'd bring the children over and spend the afternoon with her. She +is going to show me about cutting some little clothes for Fred. +What a dear kind soul she is, with all her queer talk. God bless +you, my boy. You bring hope and happiness back with you." + +But the poor fellow was so conscious of his own coming trouble +that tears came into his eyes, and after Mrs. Jocelyn had gone he +looked at Mildred in a way that made her ask, gently and anxiously: + +"What is it, Roger?" + +Alter a moment's hesitation he said grimly, "Millie, it's rough on +a fellow when he must be his own executioner. There, take it. It's +the heaviest load I ever carried in my life," and he threw the +letter into her lap. + +After a moment's glance she trembled violently, and became pale +and red by turns, then buried her face in her hands. + +"I knew it would be so," he said doggedly. "I knew what was the +matter all along." + +She sprang up, letting the letter drop on the floor, and clung to +him. "Roger," she cried, "I won't read the letter. I won't touch +it. No one shall come between us--no one has the right. Oh, it +would be shameful after all--" + +"Millie," he said almost sternly, replacing her in her chair, "the +writer of that letter has the right to come between us--he is between +us, and there is no use in disguising the truth. Come, Millie, I +came here to play the man, and you must not make it too hard for +me. Read your letter." + +"I can't," she said, again burying her burning face in her hands, +and giving way to a sudden passion of tears. + +"No, not while I'm here, of course. And yet I'd like to know my +fate, for the suspense is a little too much. I hope he's written +to tell you that he has married the daughter of the Great Mogul, +or some other rich nonentity," he added, trying to meet his +disappointment with a faint attempt at humor; "but I'm a fool to +hope anything. Good-by, and read your letter in peace. I ought to +have left it and gone away at once, but, confound it! I couldn't. +A drowning man will blindly catch at a straw." + +She looked at him, and saw that his face was white with pain and +fear. + +"Roger," she said resolutely, "I'll burn that letter without opening +it if you say so. I'll do anything you ask." + +He paced the room excitedly with clenched hands for a few moments, +but at last turned toward her and said quietly, "Will you do what +I ask?" + +"Yes, yes indeed." + +"Then read your letter." + +She looked at him irresolutely a moment, then made a little gesture +of protest and snatched up the missive almost vindictively. + +After reading a few lines her face softened, and she said, in accents +of regret which she was too much off her guard to disguise, "Oh, +he never received my answer last summer." + +"Of course not," growled Roger. "You deserved that, for you gave +your note to that old blunderbuss Jotham, when I would have carried +it safely." + +"Oh, Roger, I can't go on with this; I am wronging you too shamefully." + +"You would wrong me far more if you were not honest with me at this +time," he said almost harshly. + +His words quieted and chilled her a little, and she replied sadly, +"You are right, Roger. You don't want, nor should I mock you with +the mere semblance of what you give." + +"Read the letter," was his impatient reply, "or I shall go at once." + +She now turned to it resolutely, proposing to read it with an +impassive face, but, in spite of herself, he saw that every word +was like an electric touch upon her heart. As she finished, the +letter dropped from her hands, and she began crying so bitterly +that he was disarmed, and forgot himself in her behalf. "Don't cry +so, Millie," he pleaded. "I can't stand it. Come, now; I fought this +battle out once before, and didn't think I could be so accursedly +weak again." + +"Roger, read that letter." + +"No," he answered savagely; "I hate him--I could annihilate him; +but he shall never charge me with anything underhanded. That letter +was meant for your eyes only. Since it must be, God grant he proves +worthy; but his words would sting me like adders." + +She sprang to him, and, burying her face upon his shoulder, sobbed, +"Oh, Roger, I can't endure this. It's worse than anything I've +suffered yet." + +"Oh, what a brute I am!" he groaned. "His letter ought to have +brought you happiness, but your kind heart is breaking over my +trouble, for I've acted like a passionate boy. Millie, dear Millie, +I will be a brave, true man, and, as I promised you, your heart +shall decide all. From this time forth I am your brother, your +protector, and I shall protect you against yourself as truly as +against others. You are not to blame in the least. How could I blame +you for a love that took possession of your heart before you knew +of my existence, and why has not Millie Jocelyn as good a right +to follow her heart as any other girl in the land? And you shall +follow it. It would be dastardly meanness in me to take advantage +of your gratitude. Come now, wipe your eyes, and give a sister's +kiss before I go. It's all right." + +She yielded passively, for she was weak, nerveless, and exhausted. +He picked up the open letter, replaced it within the envelope, and +put it in her hand. "It's yours," he said, "by the divine right of +your love. When I come this evening, don't let me see a trace of +grief. I won't mope and be lackadaisical, I promise," and smilingly +he kissed her good-by. + +She sat for an hour almost without moving, and then mechanically +put the letter away and went on with her work. She felt herself +unequal to any more emotion at that time, and after thinking the +affair all over, determined to keep it to herself, for the present +at least. She knew well how bitterly her father, mother, and Belle +would resent the letter, and how greatly it would disquiet them if +they knew that her old love was not dead, and seemingly could not +and would not die. With the whole force of her resolute will she +sought to gain an outward quietude, and succeeded so well that the +family did not suspect anything. She both longed for and dreaded +Roger's appearance, and when he came she looked at him so kindly, +so remorsefully, that she tasked his strength to the utmost; but +he held his own manfully, and she was compelled to admit that he +had never appeared so gay or so brilliant before. For an hour he and +Belle kept them all laughing over their bright nonsense, and then +suddenly he said, "Vacation's over; I must begin work to-morrow," +and in a moment he was gone. + +"Millie," cried Belle, "you ought to thank your stars, for you +have the finest fellow in the city," and they all smiled at her so +brightly that she fled to her room. There Belle found her a little +later with red eyes, and she remarked bluntly, "Well, you ARE +a queer girl. I suppose you are crying for joy, but that isn't my +way." + +After her sister was asleep Mildred read and re-read Arnold's +letter. At first she sighed and cried over it, and then lapsed into +a long, deep reverie. "Hard as it is for Roger," she thought, "he +is right--I am not to blame. I learned to love Vinton Arnold, and +permitted him to love me, before I had ever seen Roger. I should +have a heart of stone could I resist his appeal in this letter. +Here he says: 'You did not answer my note last summer--I fear you +have cast me off. I cannot blame you. After insults from my mother +and my own pitiful exhibitions of weakness, my reason tells me that +you have banished all thoughts of me in anger and disgust. But, +Millie, my heart will not listen to reason, and cries out for you +night and day. My life has become an intolerable burden to me, and +never in all the past has there been a more unhappy exile than I. +The days pass like years, and the nights are worse. I am dragged +here and there for the benefit of my health--what a miserable farce +it is! For half the money I am spending here I could live happily +with you, and, sustained by your love and sympathy, I might do +something befitting my man's estate. One day, when I said as much +to my mother, her face grew cold and stern, and she replied that +my views of life were as absurd as those of a child! I often wish +I were dead, and were it not for the thought of you I half fear +that I might be tempted to end my wretched existence. Of course +my health suffers from this constant unhappiness, repression, and +humiliation. The rumor has reached me that your father has become +very poor, and that he is in ill health. The little blood I have +left crimsons my face with shame that I am not at your side to help +and cheer you. But I fear I should be a burden to you, as I am to +every one else. My fainting turns--one of which you saw-are becoming +more frequent. I've no hope nor courage to try to get well--I am +just sinking under the burden of my unhappy, unmanly lite, and my +best hope may soon be to become unconscious and remain so forever. +And yet I fully believe that one kind word from you would inspire me +with the wish, the power to live. My mother is blind to everything +except her worldly maxims of life. She means to do her duty by +me, and is conscientious in her way, but she is killing me by slow +torture. If you would give me a little hope, if you would wait--oh, +pardon the selfishness of my request, the pitiable weakness displayed +in this appeal! Yet, how can I help it? Who can sink into absolute +despair without some faint struggle--some effort to escape? I have +had the happiness of heaven in your presence, and now I am as +miserable as a lost soul. You have only to say that there is no +hope, and I will soon cease to trouble you or any one much longer.' + +"How can I tell him there is no hope?" she murmured. "It would +be murder--it would be killing soul and body. What's more, I love +him--God knows I love him. My heart just yearns for him in boundless +pity and sympathy, and I feel almost as if he were my crippled, +helpless child as well as lover. It would be cruel, selfish, and +unwomanly to desert him because of his misfortune. I haven't the +heart to do it. His weakness and suffering bind me to him. His +appeal to me is like the cry of the helpless to God, and how can +I destroy his one hope, his one chance? He needs me more than does +Roger, who is strong, masterful, and has a grand career before +him. In his varied activities, in the realization of his ambitious +hopes, he will overcome his present feelings, and become my +brother in very truth. He will marry some rich, splendid girl like +Miss Wetheridge by and by, and I shall be content in lowly, quiet +ministry to one whose life and all God has put into my hands. His +parents treat Vinton as if he were a child; but he has reached the +age when he has the right to choose for himself, and, if the worst +comes to the worst, I could support him. myself. Feeling as I do +now, and as I ever shall, now that my heart has been revealed to +me, I could not marry Roger. It would be wronging him and perjuring +myself. He is too grand, too strong a man not to see the facts in +their true light, and he will still remain the best friend a woman +ever had." + +Then, with a furtive look at Belle to see that she was sleeping +soundly, she wrote: "DEAR VINTON: My heart would indeed be callous +and unwomanly did it not respond to your letter, over which I have +shed many tears. Take all the hope you can from the truth that I +love you, and can never cease to love you. You do yourself injustice. +Your weakness and ill health are misfortunes for which you are not +responsible. So far from inspiring disgust, they awaken my sympathy +and deepen my affection. You do not know a woman's heart--at least +you do not know mine. In your constant love, your contempt for +heartless, fashionable life, and your wish to do a man's part in +the world, you are manly. You are right also in believing that if +you lived in an atmosphere of respect and affection you would so +change for the better that you would not recognize yourself. For my +sake as well as your own, try to rally, and make the most of your +sojourn abroad. Fix your mind steadily on some pursuits or studies +that will be of use to you in the future. Do not fear; I shall +wait. It is not in my nature to forget or change." And with some +reference to their misfortunes, a repetition of her note which Jotham +had lost, and further reassuring words, she closed her letter. + +"I am right," she said; "even Roger will say I am doing right. I +could not do otherwise." + +Having made a copy of the letter that she might show it to Roger, +she at last slept, in the small hours of the night. As early as +possible on the following day she mailed the letter, with a prayer +that it might not be too late. + +A day or two later she sought a private interview with her friend, +and whispered, "Roger, dear Roger, if you do not fail me now you +will prove yourself the best and bravest man in the world. I am +going to repose a trust in you that I cannot share at present with +any one else--not even my mother. It would only make her unhappy +now that she is reviving in our brighter days. It might have a bad +influence on papa, and it is our duty to shield him in every way." + +She told him everything, made him read the copy of her letter to +Arnold. "You are strong, Roger," she said in conclusion, "and it +would kill him, and--and I love him. You know now how it has all +come about, and it does not seem in my nature to change. I have +given you all I can--my absolute trust and confidence. I've shown +you my whole heart. Roger, you won't fail me. I love you so dearly, +I feel so deeply for you, I am so very grateful, that I believe it +would kill me if this should harm you." + +He did not fail her, but even she never guessed the effort he made. + +"It's all right, Millie," he said with a deep breath, "and I'll be +a jolly bachelor for you all my life." + +"You must not say that," she protested. "One of these days I'll +pick you out a far better wife than I could ever be." + +"No," he replied decisively, "that's the one thing I won't do for +you, if you picked out twenty score." + +He tried to be brave--he was brave; but for weeks thereafter traces +of suffering on his face cut her to the heart, and she suffered +with him as only a nature like hers was capable of doing. Events +were near which would tax his friendship to the utmost. + +August was passing with its intense heat. The streets of the +locality wherein the Jocelyns lived were shamefully neglected, and +the sewerage was bad. Mr. Jocelyn was one of the first to suffer, +and one day he was so ill from malarial neuralgia that he faltered +in the duties of his business. + +"I can't afford to be ill," he said to himself. "A slight dose of +morphia will carry me through the day; surely I've strength of mind +sufficient to take it once or twice as a medicine, and then plenty +of quinine will ward off a fever, and I can go on with my work +without any break or loss; meanwhile I'll look for rooms in a +healthier locality." + +His conscience smote him, warned him, and yet it did not seem +possible that he could not take a little as a remedy, as did other +people. With the fatuity of a self-indulgent nature he remembered +its immediate relief from pain, and forgot the anguish it had +caused. He no more proposed to renew the habit than to destroy his +life--he only proposed to tide himself over an emergency. + +The drug was taken, and to his horror he found that it was the same +as if he had kindled a conflagration among combustibles ready for +the match. His old craving asserted itself with all its former +force. His will was like a straw in the grasp of a giant. He writhed, +and anathematized himself, but soon, with the inevitableness of +gravitation, went to another drug store and was again enchained. +[Footnote: It is a sad fact that more than half of those addicted +to the opium habit relapse. The causes are varied, but the one +given is the most common: it is taken to bridge over some emergency +or to give relief from physical pain or mental distress. The +infatuated victim says, "I will take it just this once," and then +he goes on taking it until it destroys him. I have talked with +several who have given way for the second and third time, and with +one physician who has relapsed five times. They each had a somewhat +different story to tell, but the dire results were in all cases the +same. After one indulgence, the old fierce craving, the old fatal +habit, was again fixed, with more than its former intensity and +binding power.] + +For a few days Mr. Jocelyn tried to conceal his condition from +his family, but their eyes were open now, and they watched him at +first with alarm, then with terror. They pleaded with him; his wife +went down on her knees before him; but, with curses on himself, +he broke away and rushed forth, driven out into the wilderness of +a homeless life like a man possessed with a demon. In his intolerable +shame and remorse he wrote that he would not return until he had +regained his manhood. Alas! that day would never come. + + + + +CHAPTER XLIII + +WAS BELLE MURDERED? + + +Mrs. Wheaton, Mr. Wentworth, and Roger did what they could for +the afflicted family, and Roger spent the greater part of several +nights in a vain search for the absent man, but he had hidden +himself too securely, and was drowning reason, conscience, his +entire manhood, in one long debauch. The young man grew more haggard +than ever in his deep sympathy for his friends, for they clung to +him with the feeling that he only could help them effectually. He +begged them to move elsewhere, since the odors of the place were +often sickening, but they all said No, for the husband and father +might return, and this now was their one hope concerning him. + +In the second fall of her husband Mrs. Jocelyn seemed to have +received her death-wound, for she failed visibly every day. + +One night Belle was taken with a severe chill, and then fever and +delirium followed. When Roger came the ensuing evening, Mildred +sobbed on his shoulder. + +"Oh, Roger, my heart is paralyzed with dread. The skies you were +making so bright for us have become black with ruin. You are the +only one who brings me any hope or comfort. Come with me. Look +at Belle there. She doesn't know any of us. For the last hour her +mind has wandered. Half the time she is thanking you for all that +you have done for us; then she calls for papa, or is away in the +country. The doctor has been here, and he looked very grave. He +says it's all due to the bad sanitary condition of this part of the +city, and that there are other cases just like it, and that they +are hard to manage. Why didn't we move before? Oh, oh, oh!" and +she cried as if her heart would break. + +"Don't grieve so, Millie," Roger faltered. "I never could stand +it to see tears in your eyes. Belle is young and vigorous; she'll +pull through." + +"I hope so. Oh, what should we do if she should--But the doctor +says the fever takes a stronger hold on persons of full habit like +Belle, and now that I've made inquiries I find that it has been +fatal in several instances. We have been so troubled about papa +that we thought of nothing else, and did not realize our danger. +There are two cases like Belle's across the way, and one in this +house, and none of them are expected to live." + +"Millie," said Roger resolutely, "I won't even entertain the +thought of Belle's dying. I'm going to stay with you every night +until she is out of danger. I can doze here in this chair, and +I should be sleepless with anxiety anywhere else. You must let me +become a brother now in very truth." + +"No, Roger, we can't permit it. You might catch the fever." + +"Millie, I will stay. Do you think I could leave you to meet this +trouble alone? I can relieve you in many ways, and give you and +your mother a chance for a little rest. Besides, what is the fever +to me?" he added, with a touch of recklessness which she understood +too well. + +"Roger," she said gravely, "think what your life and health are to +me. If you should fail me I should despair." + +"I won't fail you," he replied, with a little confident nod. "You +will always find me on hand like a good-natured dragon whenever +you are in trouble. The first thing to do is to send these children +to the country, and out of this poisoned air," and he sat down at +once and wrote to his mother and Clara Wilson, formerly Clara Bute. +Then, true to his word, he watched with Mildred and Mrs. Jocelyn +every night. Frequently his hand upon the brow of the delirious +girl would quiet her when nothing else could, and Mildred often +saw his tears falling fast on the unconscious face. + +Mrs. Wilson answered his letter in person. "I couldn't wait +a minute," she said. "I went right over to Mrs. Atwood's and told +her that no one could have the children but me, and my husband +says they can stay until you want them back. He is so good to me! +Dear little Belle!" she sobbed, bending over the sufferer, "to +think that I once so misjudged you! A better-hearted girl never +breathed. As soon as she's able to be moved you must bring her +right to me, and I'll take care of her till she's her old rosy, +beautiful self. No, I'll come for her. I wish I could take her in +my arms and carry her home now." + +"She often speaks of you," faltered Mildred. "Indeed she seems to +be living all her old life over again." + +The doctor looked graver every day, and at last held out no hope. +Late one night they saw that the crisis was near. Belle was almost +inanimate from weakness, and Mrs. Jocelyn, Mildred, and Roger sat +beside her in the large living-room, into which they had moved her +bed, so that if possible she might get a little air--air that was +laden with vile, stifling odors. At last the feeble tossings of +the poor sufferer ceased, and she looked around intelligently. Her +mother kissed her, and said soothingly, "Sleep, dear, and you'll +soon be better." + +She shook her head, and continued to look as if in search of some +one, and then whispered, + +"Where is papa?" + +"You are not strong enough to see him now," her mother replied +with pallid lips, while Mildred put her hand to her side from the +intolerable pain in her heart. + +Belle lay still a few moments, and they breathed low in their +suspense. Her mother kept her soothing touch upon her brow, while +Mildred held her hand. At last two great tears rolled down the poor +girl's face, and she said faintly, "I remember now." + +"Oh, Belle, darling, sleep," murmured her mother, "and you will soon +get well." Again she slowly shook her head. "Dear little mother," +she whispered, "forgive naughty Belle for all her wild ways. You +were always patient with me. Pray God to forgive me, for I'm going +fast. If He's like you--I won't fear Him." + +Mrs. Jocelyn would have fallen on her child if Roger had not caught +her and placed her gently on the lounge, where she lay with dry, +tearless eyes and all the yearnings of the mother-heart in her wan +face. Belle's eyes followed her wistfully, then turned to Mildred. + +"Good-by, Millie darling, best of sisters. You will have a long--happy +life--in spite of all." Mildred clung to her passionately, but at +Belle's faint call for Roger she knelt at the bedside and looked +with streaming eyes on the near approach of death. + +"Roger," Belle whispered, "lift me up. I want to die on your +breast--you saved me--you KNOW. Take care Millie--mamma--little +ones. Don't wake them. Now--tell me--some--thing--comforting out +of--the Bible." + +"'God is not willing that one of His little ones should perish,'" +said the young fellow brokenly, thankful that he could recall the +words. + +"That's sweet--I'm--one of His--littlest ones. It's--getting--very +I know--what it-means. Good--by. We'll--have--good--times--together--yet." + +Then came that absolute stillness which he understood too well. +He bowed his head upon the cold brow of the dead girl, and wept as +only strong men weep in their first great sorrow. Mildred almost +forgot her own grief in trying to lead him away and to comfort +him, but he clung convulsively to Belle's lifeless form. At last +he broke almost frantically away. + +"Roger, Roger," cried Mildred, "where are you going? What are you +going to do?" + +"I don't know--I must have air or my heart will break; I'll go mad. +She's just been murdered, MURDERED," and he rushed out. + +After a little while he returned, and said, "There, Millie, I'm +better. I won't give way again," and he took her in his arms and +let her cry away some of the pain in her heart. + +Mrs. Jocelyn still lay upon the sofa, white as marble, and with +dry, dilated eyes. She was far beyond tears. + +On the day following Belle's death the Hon.------sat down to +a sumptuous dinner in one of the most fashionable of the Saratoga +hotels. A costly bottle of wine added its ruddy hue to his florid +complexion. The waiters were obsequious, the smiling nods of recognition +from other distinguished guests of the house were flattering, and +as the different courses were brought on, the man became the picture +of corpulent complacence. His aspect might have changed could he +have looked upon the still form of the once frolicsome, beautiful +girl, who had been slain because he had failed so criminally in +fidelity to his oath of office. It would not have been a pleasant +task for him to estimate how much of the money that should have +brought cleanliness and health among the tenements of the poor was +being worse than wasted on his own gross personality. + + + + +CHAPTER XLIV + +THE FINAL CONSOLATIONS OF OPIUM + + +The glowing September sun had rarely revealed a sadder group than +that which still watched beside poor Belle. At last Roger looked +at his watch and said: + +"I will now go and see Mr. Wentworth, and bring Mrs. Wheaton." + +"Very well, Roger," Mildred replied, "we leave everything in your +hands." + +"Millie, I can't bear to have Belle placed in one of the crowded +city cemeteries. Would you not be willing to have her sleep in our +tree-shadowed graveyard at Forestville? We could keep flowers on +her grave there as long as we lived." + +"Oh, Roger, how kind of you to think of that! It would be such a +comfort to us!" + +"I will take her there myself on the evening boat," he said +decisively, and he hastened away feeling that he must act promptly, +for his aching head and limbs led him to fear that Belle's fever +was already in his veins. Mr. Wentworth overflowed with sympathy, +and hastened to the afflicted family with nourishing delicacies. +Mrs. Wheaton soon followed, tearful and regretful. + +"I didn't know," she said; "I've 'ad a sick child or I'd a been +hover before. Not 'earing from you I thought hall vas veil, and +there's the poor dear dead, an' I might 'ave done so much for 'er." + +"No, Mrs. Wheaton, all was done that could be done in this poisoned +air. We feared you might catch the fever if you came, and we knew +you would come." + +"Hindeed I vould, if you hall 'ad the small-pox. Now I'm going to +do heverything," and she fretted at every effort of the exhausted +watchers to help her. + +Eoger telegraphed his father to meet him at the boat with the +village hearse. The news spread fast, and the little community was +soon deeply stirred with sympathetic interest. Mrs. Jocelyn was +too weak to endure the journey, and Mildred would not leave her. +Therefore Mr. Wentworth held a simple, heartfelt service over the +one they all so loved, and Roger departed on his sad errand. He +was eager to get away, and, if the thought of Belle had not been +uppermost in all minds, it would have been seen that he was far from +well in spite of his almost desperate efforts to hide his illness. +His father found him on the boat delirious with fever. The old man's +face was haggard and drawn as he returned to Forestville with his +two helpless burdens, grieving far more for the one that was ill +than for the one that was dead. "It's turning out just as brother +Ezra said," he growled. "A man's a fool to mix himself up with +other people's troubles." The interest in the village deepened into +strong excitement when it became known that Roger was ill with the +fever that had caused Belle's death, some timid ones fearing that +a pestilence would soon be raging in their midst. But the great +majority yielded to their good impulses, and Mrs. Atwood was +overwhelmed with offers of assistance. Several young farmers to +whom Belle had given a heartache a few weeks before volunteered to +watch beside her until the funeral, and there was a deeper ache in +their hearts as they sat reverently around the fair young sleeper. +The funeral was a memorable one in Forestville, for the most callous +heart was touched by the pathos of the untimely death. + +Meanwhile poor Roger was tossing in fever and muttering constantly +of his past life. The name, however, oftenest on his lips was that +of Millie Jocelyn. + +Never before in all the troubled past did the poor girl so need his +sustaining love as on the night he left her. Mr. Wentworth spent +an hour with the sad mother and daughter after the others had gone, +and then sorrowfully departed, saying that he had an engagement out +of town, and that he would come again immediately on his return. +Mrs. Wheaton had gone home, promising that she would come back in +the evening and spend the night with them, for she had a neighbor +who would take care of the children, and so at last the two stricken +women were left alone. + +Mildred was bathing her mother's head and trying to comfort her +when the door opened, and a haggard, unkempt man stood before them. +For a second they looked at him in vague terror, for he stood in +a deep shadow, and then Mrs. Jocelyn cried, "Martin! Martin!" and +tears came to her relief at last. + +He approached slowly and tremblingly. Mildred was about to throw +herself into his arms, but he pushed her away. His manner began to +fill them with a vague, horrible dread, for he acted like a spectre +of a man. + +"Where are the children?" he asked hoarsely. + +"We have sent them to the country. Oh, papa, do be kind and +natural--you will kill mamma." + +"There is crape on the door-knob," he faltered. "Where's Belle?" + +"Oh, oh, oh!" sobbed Mildred, "Papa, papa, have mercy on us. Can't +you sustain and help us at such a time as this?" + +"She is dead, then," he whispered, and he sank into a chair as if +struck down. + +"Yes, she's dead. You were the first one she asked for when she +came out of her fever." + +"Great God! my punishment is greater than I can bear," he groaned. + +"Oh, Martin," pleaded his wife, "come to me," and too weak to rise +from her couch she held out her arms to him. + +He looked at her with a remorse and agony in his expression that +were indescribable. "No, Nan," he said, "I'm not fit for you to +touch now. I'm murdering you all," and he went hastily to his room +and locked the door. + +They waited, scarcely breathing in their deep apprehension. + +In a few moments he came out, and his face was rigid and desperate +in its aspect. In spite of his repelling gesture Mildred clasped +him in her arms. The embrace seemed to torture him. "Let me go!" +he cried, breaking away. "I poison the very air I breathe. You both +are like angels of heaven and I--O God! But the end has come," and +he rushed out into the gathering darkness. Mrs. Jocelyn tried to +follow him, and fell prostrate with a despairing cry on the floor. + +Mildred's first impulse was to restore her mother, without seeking +help, in the faint hope that her father would return, for she had +learned what strange alternations of mood opium produces; but as the +sense of his words grew clearer she was overpowered, and trembled +so violently that she was compelled to call to her help a neighbor--a +plain, good-hearted woman who lived on the same floor. When at +last Mrs. Jocelyn revived she murmured piteously: + +"Oh, Millie, why didn't you let me die?" + +"Mamma," pleaded the girl, "how can you even think of leaving me?" + +"Millie, Millie darling, I fear I must. My heart feels as if it were +bleeding internally. Millie"--and she grasped her child's shoulder +convulsively, "Millie, look in his room for--for--his pistol." + +"Oh, mamma, mamma!" + +"Look, look!" said her mother excitedly. "I can't bear the suspense." + +Thinking that her mother was a little hysterical, and that compliance +would quiet her, Mildred went to the place where her father always +kept his cavalry revolver--the one memento left of his old heroic +army life. IT WAS GONE! + +She almost sank to the floor in terror, nor did she dare return to +her mother. + +"Millie, Millie, quick!" came in a faint cry from the outer room. + +The poor girl rushed forward and buried her face in her mother's +bosom, sobbing, "Mamma, oh mamma, live for my sake." + +"I knew it, I knew it," said the stricken wife, with a long low +cry. "I saw it in his desperate face. Oh, Martin, Martin, we will +die together!" + +She clasped Mildred tightly, trembled convulsively a moment, and +then her arms fell back, and she was as still as poor Belle had +been. + +"Oh, mamma!" Mildred almost shrieked, but she was far beyond recall, +and the suffering heart was at rest. + +When the woman returned with the cup of tea she had gone to +prepare for Mrs. Jocelyn, she found the young girl leaning forward +unconscious on the bosom of the dead mother. + +When she revived it was only to moan and wring her hands in despair. +Mrs. Wheaton soon appeared, and having learned what had happened +she threw her apron over her head and rocked back and forth in her +strong sympathetic grief. But her good heart was not long content +with tears, and she took Mildred into her arms and said: + +"I vill be a mother to you, and you shall never vant a 'ome vile I +'ave von," and the motherless girl clung to her in a way that did +the kind soul a world of good. + +Before the evening was very far advanced a boy brought a note to +the door. Mildred seized it and asked: + +"Who gave it to you?" + +"I don't know--a man. He pointed to this door, and then he went +away very fast." + +She tore it open, and read in horror: "My darling wife, dear beyond +all words in these my final despairing moments. My love for you +and those left is the only trace of good remaining in my heart. I +die for your sakes. My continued existence would be a curse, for +I have lost my manhood. I am possessed by a devil that I can't +control. I cannot ask you to forgive me. I can never forgive +myself. Farewell. After I am gone, brighter days will come to you +all. Pity me if you can, forgive me if you can, and remember me as +I was before--" And there the terrible missive ended. + +For an hour the girl lay moaning as if in mortal pain, and then +the physician who was summoned gave her a sedative which made her +sleep long and heavily. It was quite late in the morning when she +awoke, and the events that had passed first came to her like a +horrid dream, and then grew into terrible reality. But she was not +left to meet the emergency alone, for Mrs. Wheaton and Clara Wilson +watched beside her. The latter in her strong sympathy had come to +the city to take Mildred and her mother to the country, and she +said to Mrs. Wheaton that she would now never leave her friend +until she was in the breezy farm-house. + +After a natural outburst of grief Mildred again proved that Arnold's +estimate of her was correct. She was equal to even this emergency, +for she eventually grew quiet and resolute. "I must find papa," +she said. + +"Shall I?" Mrs. Wilson asked Mrs. Wheaton significantly. + +"Yes, Millie is more hof a soldier than hany hof us." + +"Well," continued Mrs. Wilson, "Mrs. Wheaton found this in the +morning paper: 'An unknown man committed suicide on the steps of +No. 73----Street. His remains have been taken to the Morgue for +identification.'" + +For a few moments Mildred so trembled and looked so crushed that +they feared for her exceedingly. "Poor papa!" she moaned, "he was +just insane from remorse and opium. Seventy-three----Street! Why, +that was the house in which we used to live. It was there that papa +spent his first happy years in this city, and it was there he went +to die. Oh, how dreadful, how inexpressibly sad it all is! What +shall we do?" + +"Leave hall to me," said Mrs. Wheaton. "Mrs. Wilson, you stay 'ere +with the poor dear, an' I'll hattend to heverything." + +Mildred was at last too overpowered to do more than lie on the +lounge, breathing in long tremulous sighs. + +Mrs. Wheaton went at once to the Morgue and found that the "unknown +man" was indeed Mr. Jocelyn, and yet he had so changed, and a +bullet-hole in his temple had given him such a ghastly appearance, +that it was difficult to realize that he was the handsome, courtly +gentleman who had first brought his beautiful daughter to the old +mansion. + +Mrs. Wheaton represented to the authorities that he was very poor, +that his daughter was an orphan and overcome with grief, and that +she now was the nearest friend of the afflicted girl. Her statement +was accepted, and then with her practical good sense she attended +to everything. + +During her absence Mildred had sighed, "Oh, I do so wish that Eoger +Atwood were here. He gives me hope and courage when no one else +can." + +"Millie," said Mrs. Wilson tearfully, "for his sake you must rally +and be braver than you have ever been before. I think his life now +depends upon you. He has the fever, and in his delirium he calls +for you constantly." + +At first Mrs. Wilson thought the shock of her tidings would be more +disastrous to the poor girl, already so unnerved and exhausted, +than all the terrible events which had thus far occurred. "I have +brought him nothing but suffering and misfortune," she cried. "He +gave up everything for us, and now we may cost him his life." + +"Millie, he is not dead, and you, if any one, can bring him life." + +She had touched the right chord, for the young girl soon became +quiet and resolute. "He never failed me," she said in a low voice, +"and I won't fail him." + +"That is the right way to feel," said Mrs. Wilson eagerly. "I now +think that everything depends on your courage and fortitude. Mrs. +Wheaton and I have planned it all out. We'll go to Forestville on +the evening boat, and take your father's and mother's remains with +us." + +Mrs. Wheaton learned from the undertaker connected with Mr. Wentworth's +chapel that the clergyman would not be back until evening, and she +told the former to tell their pastor all that had occurred, and to +ask him to keep the circumstances of Mr. Jocelyn's death as quiet +as possible. + +The man was discreet and energetic, and they were all so expeditious +that the evening saw them with their sad freight on the way to +Forestville, the keys of Mildred's rooms having been left with the +kind woman who had befriended her in the sudden and awful emergency. +Mrs. Wheaton parted from Mildred as if she were her own child, +and went mournfully back to her busy, useful life. Mr. and Mrs. +Jocelyn were buried with a quiet, simple service beside poor Belle, +and sensible Mrs. Wilson soon inspired the good-hearted village +people with the purpose to spare the feelings of the stricken girl +in every possible way. Mildred caressed her little brother and sister +with the tenderness of a mother added to her sisterly affection, +and she was comforted to see how much they had already improved +in the pure country air. "Oh, Clara," she said, "what a friend you +have been to me! God alone can repay you." + +"Millie," Mrs. Wilson earnestly replied, "I owe you a debt I can +never pay. I owe you and darling Belle happiness and prosperity for +this life, and my hope of the life to come. My husband is strong +and prosperous, and he says J shall do all that's in my heart for +you. Oh, Millie, he is so good to me, and he cried over Belle like +a child. I thought I loved him before, but when I saw those tears +I just worshipped him. He has a man's heart, like Roger. Now, +Millie, I'm going to keep these children as long as you'll let me, +and treat them as my own. I feel that the promise has been given +to me that they'll grow up to be a great comfort to us both." + +On the evening after the funeral Mildred went to aid in the care +of Roger, and Mrs. Atwood greeted her with all the warmth and +tenderness that a daughter would have received. Even Mr. Atwood +drew his sleeve across his eyes as he said, "If you'll help us save +our boy, you'll find that I'm not as crabbed and crooked a stick +as I seem." + +Mildred was shocked and her heart chilled with fear at the change +in Roger, but her hand upon his brow and her voice did more to +quiet him than all the physician's remedies. She became his almost +tireless watcher, and she said hopefully that the bracing autumn +winds rustled around the farmhouse like the wings of ministering +angels, and that they would bring life and health to the fever-stricken +man. They all wondered at her endurance, for while she looked so +frail she proved herself so strong. At last the crisis came, as it +had in Belle's case, but instead of waking to die he passed from +delirium into a quiet sleep, Mildred holding his hand, and when he +opened his eyes with the clear glance of intelligence, they first +looked upon her dear face. "Millie," he whispered. + +She put her fingers upon her lips, smiled, and said, "I won't leave +you if you will be good and do all I say. You never failed me yet, +Roger, and you must not now." + +"I'll surely get well if you stay with me, Millie," he answered +contentedly, and soon he slept again as quietly as a child. + + + + +CHAPTER XLV + +MOTHER AND SON + + +Our story passes rapidly over the events of the ensuing months. +In his native mountain air, and under the impulse of his strong, +unbroken constitution, Roger recovered rapidly and steadily. As +soon as he was strong enough he went to the village cemetery, and, +leaning his head on Belle's grave, sobbed until Mildred led him +away. For a long time tears would come into his eyes whenever the +names of Mrs. Jocelyn and the young girl he loved so fondly were +mentioned. He and Mildred planted the sacred place thick with roses +and spring-flowering bulbs. + +Mildred resisted all entreaties to remain in the country, saying +that she was a city girl at heart, and that, with Mr. Wentworth's +aid, she could easily earn her livelihood in town, and do much for +Fred and Minnie. Moreover, she felt that she could not be parted +from Roger, for seemingly he had become an inseparable part of her +life. The experiences he had shared with her were developing within +him a strong and noble manhood, and he vowed that the young girl +who had known so much sorrow should have all the happiness that he +could bring to pass. + +When Mrs. Wheaton learned of Mildred's purpose to return to town, +she took more commodious apartments in the old mansion, and set +apart a room for the young girl. She also sold most of her own +things and took Mildred's furniture out of storage, so that the +place might seem familiar and homelike to her friend. + +When Roger had almost recovered his wonted health, Mrs. Atwood told +her husband that he must go with her to visit his brother in town, +for the worthy woman had a project on her mind which she carried +out with characteristic directness and simplicity. + +They surprised Mr. and Mrs. Ezra Atwood at breakfast, and partook +of the cheer offered them rather grimly and silently. After the +meal was over Roger's mother said, without any circumlocution: + +"Brother-in-law, I've come to have a plain, honest talk with you, and +if you're a true Atwood you'll listen to me. I want your wife and +my husband to be present. We are nigh of kin, but we are forgetting +ties which the Lord hath ordained. Ezra, I believe you are a good +man at heart, but, like my husband, you set too much store by +things that perish in the using. My boy has taught me that there +are better things in this world, and we'll all soon be where we +may look on money as a curse. You have not spoken to my son since +last spring, and you've been cold toward us. I want you to know the +truth, and realize what you're doing; then if you go on in this +way, you must settle it with your own conscience;" and with a homely +pathos all her own she told the whole story. + +The uncle at first tried to be grim and obstinate, but he soon +broke down completely. "I'm glad you've come," he said huskily. +"My conscience hasn't given me any peace for months, and I wanted +to give in, but you know that it's like drawing an eye-tooth for +an Atwood to give in. I'm proud of the boy, and he'll be a blessing +to us all. He IS a new departure in the family; he's got more brains +than any of us, and with it all a big, brave heart. He shall marry +the girl if he wants to; and now that her old wretch of a father is +dead, no harm need come of it. But they're young; they must wait +until Roger is educated up to the best of 'em. Well, now that +I've given in, there shall be no half-way work," and he insisted +on sending for his lawyer and making his will in Roger's favor at +once. + +"I didn't come for any such purpose as this," said Roger's +mother, wiping her eyes, while his father could scarcely conceal +his exultation; "but I felt that it was time for us to stop living +like heathen," and after a visit of a very different nature from +the one they had feared, the worthy couple returned to Forestville +well content with the results of their expedition. + +Roger was jubilant over the news, and he hastened to impart it to +Mildred, who was spending the remaining weeks of her sojourn in +the country with her friend Mrs. Wilson. + +"Millie," he said, "you shall never want again. My good fortune +would be nothing to me unless I shared it with you." + +But she disappointed him by saying, "No, Roger, you must let me +live the independent life that my nature requires," and the only +concession that he could obtain from her was a promise to receive +his aid should any emergency require it. + +Before Mildred's return a letter from Vinton Arnold was forwarded +to her at Forestville, and it must be admitted that it gave her +sad heart something like a thrill of happiness. It was an eloquent +and grateful outpouring of affection, and was full of assurances +that she had now given him a chance for life and happiness. + +When she told Roger, he looked very grim for a moment, and then by +a visible effort brightened up and said, "It's all right, Millie." +After pacing the room for a few moments with a contracted brow, +he continued, "Millie, you must grant me one request--you must not +say anything to Arnold about me." + +"How can I say anything then about myself?" she answered. "I want +him to know that I owe everything to you, and I hope to see the +day when you will be the closest of friends." + +"Well, that will be a good way on. I must see him first, and learn +more about him, and--well, friends related as Arnold will be to me +are not common. I've too much of the old untamed man in me to go +readily into that kind of thing. I will do anything in the world +for you, but you must not expect much more till I have a few gray +hairs in my head. Come now, you must humor me a little in this +affair; you can say generally that some friends were kind, and all +that, without much personal reference to me. If you should write as +you propose, he might be jealous, or--worse yet--write me a letter +of thanks. It may prevent complications, and will certainly save +me some confoundedly disagreeable experiences. After I've seen him +and get more used to it all, I may feel differently." + +"You certainly will, Roger. Your life will gradually become so +rich, full, and happy, that some day you will look back in wonder +at your present feelings." + +"Life will be full enough if work can make it so; but you must not +expect me to outgrow this. It will strengthen with my years. It's +my nature as well as yours. But I foresee how it will be," he +continued despondently; "I shall inevitably be pushed further and +further into the background. In your happy home life--" + +Before he could utter another word Mildred was sobbing passionately. +"Roger," she cried, "don't talk that way. I can't bear it. If Vinton +is jealous of you, if he fails in manly appreciation of you, I +will never marry him. Strong as my love is for him, such a course +would destroy it. There are certain kinds of weakness that I can't +and won't tolerate." + +He was surprised and deeply touched, for her manner was usually +so quiet and well controlled that even he was at times tempted +to forget how strong and passionate was her nature on occasions +sufficient to awaken it. "There, Millie, I've hurt your feelings," +he said remorsefully. "Even I do not half understand your good, +kind heart. Well, you must have patience with me. When the right +time comes my deeds will satisfy you, I think, though my words are +now so unpromising. But please don't deny me--don't say anything +about me until I give you permission. What has occurred between us +is sacred to me--it's our affair." + +"Very well, if you so wish it; but never even think again that you +will ever be less to me than you are now." + +Nevertheless he went sadly away, saying to himself, "She's sincere, +Heaven knows, but what I said will be true in spite of her best +intentions." + +The next day, after many farewells and an hour spent beside Belle's +grave, Roger returned to the city, far better prepared for life's +battle than when he first left his native village. Two or three +days later Mildred followed him, accompanied by Mrs. Wilson, who +was determined to see her safely settled in Mrs. Wheaton's care. +Pain and pleasure were almost equally blended in Mildred's experience +as she looked upon the furniture and the one or two pictures that +had escaped their poverty--all of which were so inseparable, in +their associations, from those who were gone, yet never absent long +from memory. But the pleasure soon got the better of the pain, for +she did not wish to forget. Mrs. Wheaton's welcome was so hearty as +to be almost overpowering, and when Roger appeared in the evening +with a beautiful picture for her walls she smiled as she once +thought she never could smile again. Mr. Wentworth also called, +and was so kind and sympathetic that the young girl felt that she +was far from friendless. "I so managed it," he whispered in parting, +"that there was little public reference to your father's sad end. +Now, Millie, turn your thoughts toward the future. Let Roger make +you happy. Believe me, he's pure gold." + +"Just what poor Belle said," she thought sighingly after he had +gone. "I must disappoint them all. But Roger will help me out. He +deserves a far better wife than poor shamed, half-crushed Millie +Jocelyn can ever make him, and he shall have her, too, for he +is much too young and strong not to get over all this before many +years elapse." + +Life soon passed into a peaceful, busy routine. Roger was preparing +himself for the junior class in college under the best of tutors, +and his evenings, spent with Mildred, were usually prefaced by +a brisk walk in the frosty air. Then he either read aloud to her +or talked of what was Greek to good-natured Mrs. Wheaton, who +sat knitting in a corner discreetly blind and deaf. Unknown to +Mildred, he was able to aid her very efficiently, for he taxed Mrs. +Wentworth's ingenuity in the invention of all kinds of delicate +fancy work, and that good lady, in the most business-like manner, +gave the orders to Mildred, who thought that, considering the hard +times, she was wonderfully prosperous. + +Twice during the winter she went with Roger to Forestville, and +she had her little brother and sister spend the Christmas week +with her. It was the brightest experience the little people ever +remembered, although, unnoted by them, Mildred, with sad memories +that do not belong to childhood, often wiped bitter tears from her +eyes as she recalled the terrible events of the preceding holiday +season. She became an efficient ally of Mr. Wentworth, and was +almost as glad to aid him, in return for his stanch friendship, as +the cause he represented. + +She and Vinton Arnold maintained quite a regular correspondence, +and the fact occasioned the young man more than one stormy scene. +His mother saw Mildred's letter before he received it, and the effect +of the missive upon him, in spite of his efforts at concealment, +were so marked that she at once surmised the source from which +it came. The fact that a few words from Mildred had done more for +the invalid than all the expensive physicians and the many health +resorts they had visited would have led most mothers to query whether +the secret of good health had not been found. Mrs. Arnold, on the +contrary, was only angered and rendered more implacable than ever +against the girl. She wrote to her husband, however, to find out +what he could about her family, believing that the knowledge might be +useful. Mr. Arnold merely learned the bare facts that the Jocelyns +had become greatly impoverished, that they were living in low +tenements, that the father had become a wretched sot, and, worse than +all, that the girl herself had been in a station-house, although +he believed she was proved innocent of the charge against her. +He therefore wrote to his wife that the correspondence must cease +at once, since it might involve the family in disgrace--certainly +in disgraceful associations. He also wrote to his son to desist, +under the penalty of his heaviest displeasure. With an expression +of horror on her face, Mrs. Arnold showed this letter to her son. +In vain he tried to protest that not one evil thing against Mildred +could be proved; that she was innocence and purity itself; that her +misfortunes and the wrong of others were no reason for desertion on +his part. His mother for once lost her frigid politeness. "What!" +she almost screamed, "do you think we would ever let that horrid +creature bear our name? A woman who has been in a prison cell, and +mixed up with the vilest and lowest people in the city, should not +even be named in my presence." + +Her son gave her a strange, vindictive look. "You unnatural mother," +he muttered between his teeth, "thus to speak of the girl to whom +your son has given his best love, and who is worthy of it!" and he +turned on his heel and left her. + +Mrs. Arnold became somewhat hysterical, and wrote home that she +believed that Vinton was losing his mind. She soon learned, however, +that she would have no ground for such a charge, although her son +was becoming greatly changed. His politeness to her was scrupulous +to a nicety, but was unrelenting in its icy coldness. At the same +time she knew that he was continuing the correspondence, and she +saw, too, that he was making the most studied and careful effort +to gain in physical strength. One day she began to upbraid him +bitterly for his disobedience, but he interrupted her by saying +sternly: + +"Madam, there is no child present. I treat you with respect. I also +demand respect." + +The proud, resolute woman admitted to herself that his management +was becoming a difficult and dubious problem, and at last, discouraged +and exasperated by the unwavering steadfastness of his course and +manner, she wrote that they might as well return home, for "he was +beyond her influence." + +Therefore, thrilling with glad expectation, Arnold found himself +in his native city much sooner than he had expected. He had no very +definite plans. If he could only become sufficiently well to earn +his own livelihood the future would be comparatively clear. If +this were impossible, his best hope was to wait, secure in Mildred's +faith, for the chances of the future, believing that his father +might relent if his mother would not. For this event, however, +the outlook was unpromising. Mr. Arnold was incensed by his wife's +fuller account of his son's behavior, and the proof she had obtained, +in spite of his precautions, that he was in frequent correspondence +with Mildred. He had since learned the circumstances of Mr. +Jocelyn's wretched death, and that Mildred was but a sewing-girl, +living with an ignorant English woman in a dilapidated old tenement, +and his bitter revolt at the whole affair was quite natural in view +of his superficial inquiries and knowledge. Both he and his wife +judged from their proud and worldly standpoint solely, and therefore +on the day following Vinton's arrival they summoned him to a private +interview. At first Mr. Arnold proposed to reason with his son, +but the cold, unyielding face soon so irritated him that he became +almost violent in his anger. After he and his mother had nearly +exhausted themselves, Vinton said quietly: + +"Now that you have both lectured and threatened me as if I were a +boy, I would like to ask one question. Have I ever disgraced you +yet?" + +The husband and wife looked at each other, and were not a little +perplexed how to meet this passive resistance. In the same low, +incisive tones, Vinton continued, "If you propose to turn me into +the streets for loving Miss Jocelyn, do so at once, for I do love +her, and I shall ever love her." + +"She shall not touch a penny of our money," said Mrs. Arnold, with +an implacable look. + +"With me," replied her son, with the same old vindictive glance, +"it is not a question of pennies, but of life and death. I feel +toward Miss Jocelyn as I suppose my father once felt toward you, +although what heart you had to win I cannot understand from your +manner toward me. I have seen considerable of society, but have +never met a woman who could compare with Mildred Jocelyn in all +that constitutes a true lady. I shall not waste any words concerning +the virtues of her heart upon such unsympathetic listeners, but I +am at least a man in years, and have the right to love her." + +"Oh, certainly," said Mrs. Arnold angrily, "there is no law which +can prevent your disgracing yourself and us." + +"Nor is there any law or gospel, madam, for your unnatural, +unsympathetic course toward your own flesh and blood. Good-evening." + +"Now you see how strange and infatuated he has become," she said to +her husband after her son's departure; but the old merchant shook +his head in trouble and perplexity. + +"We have been too hard upon him, I fear," he said. + +"If you weaken in this matter, I shall not," she answered decisively. +"If he gives way to this folly, both I and my children will disown +all kith and kin." + +"Well, well," he replied impatiently, "it will have to be so, +I suppose; but nevertheless I believe we have been too hard with +him." + + + + +CHAPTER XLVI + +A FATAL ERROR + + +The next morning Arnold started out to visit the one rarely absent +from his thoughts. It was a lovely day in the latter part of June, +and his heart grew glad and hopeful in spite of the discouraging +conditions of his lot. All the world could not prevent his loving +Mildred, or destroy her faith, and at some time and in some way +they would attain their happiness. These hopes were like the bright +summer sun, and he walked with a firmer and more elastic tread than +he had ever known before. + +When he reached the haggard old mansion his heart misgave him. +"Can it be reality," he asked himself, "that she has been living +in places like this?" and the half-defined fear entered his mind +that she might have changed somewhat with her fortunes, and might +no longer be in appearance the delicate, refined, beautiful girl +that he had left so long since. But his impatient heart gave him +no time for such imaginings, and he hastened to gratify his intense +desire to look upon her face. + +In response to a low knock Mildred opened the door, and found +herself in the arms of her lover. Then he held her off and looked +at her earnestly. "Oh, Millie!" he exclaimed, "you have only grown +more beautiful, more womanly in these long, weary years. Your face +is the reflex of the letters on which I have lived, and which gave +me the power to live." + +Then in the excess of his joy he sank into a chair, and, putting +his hand upon his heart, looked very pale. She sprang to his side +in alarm. "Don't worry, Millie," he said, taking her hand. "It's +passing. I don't have them very often now. I'm much better, thanks +to you. Happiness rarely kills." + +It was well that Mrs. Wheaton and the children were out. This +scene would have been a great shock to the good woman, for she was +Roger's ally, heart and soul, and did not even know of Arnold's +existence. Since Arnold and Mildred were so fortunate as to be +alone, they talked frankly over their old happy days, and as far +as she could without breaking her promise to Roger, Mildred spoke +of the deep sorrows which had almost overwhelmed her during his +absence. + +"How my heart aches for you!" Arnold said. "I never realized before +what sad experiences you have passed through. The part which I can't +endure is that I have been of no help to you. On the contrary, you +reached out this little hand and saved me. Everything has been +just the opposite of what it ought to have been, and even now in +these surroundings you are like a diamond in a dust-heap. Oh, how +different it would all be if I had my way!" and he in turn told +her quite frankly how he was situated. + +"Vinton," she said earnestly, "you must do all in your power to +grow strong and make a place for yourself in the world. As you say, +I cannot punish you for the pride and hostility of your parents; +I don't think of them, and I could never take any favors at their +hands. As a man you have the right to choose for yourself, and +can do so while maintaining the utmost courtesy and respect toward +your family. I don't fear poverty--I'm used to it. The thing for +you to do is to find some honest work that won't tax you too greatly, +and gain strength in its performance." + +"Oh, Millie, how strong and true you are! I will take your advice +in this as in all respects. But we shall have to wait a long time, +I fear. I have so little knowledge of business, and I think my +father, influenced by my mother, will thwart rather than help me." + +"Very well, I can wait," she answered smilingly. "Indeed I'd rather +wait." + +Now that her happiness seemed assured, however, she sighed over +Roger so often and remorsefully that at last Arnold said, + +"You have some trouble on your mind, Millie?" + +"You must not expect to find me a light-hearted girl any more," +she replied evasively. + +"Well," he said, as he clasped her closely in farewell, "my every +waking thought shall now be how best to banish sighs and bring +smiles." + +That evening, while they were out for a walk, Mildred said to Roger, +with a little tremor in her voice, "He's come." + +He gave her a swift look, and then he turned as quickly away, but +his arm grew rigid under her hand. + +"Don't fail me, Roger," she pleaded. + +"It's unexpected--I wasn't prepared," he said, in a low tone, and +then he was silent. He felt her hand trembling so greatly that he +soon mastered himself for her sake. "It's all right, Millie," he +said heartily. "Be just as happy as you can." + +"How can I be truly happy when you are not?" she sighed. + +"Bless your kind heart! do you think I am going to stand off and +lower at your happiness like a black cloud? Do you think I'm going +to droop, look forlorn and deserted, and heave great sighs in dark +corners? By all the powers! if I were capable of such meanness +toward you, I'd whip myself worse than I did that fellow Bissel." + +"Do you think I'll feel for you any the less because you are so +good and brave about it?" + +"Oh, confound it!" he said impatiently, "you must not feel too +much. Spoiling your happiness won't do me any good; it would just +make me savage." + +She leaned her head for a second against his shoulder and said, +"I'm not a bit afraid of you, Roger." + +"There, Millie," he said quietly, "you always get the better of +the old Satan in me, but I sometimes feel as if I could more easily +tame a whole menagerie than my own nature. Come to think of it, +it's all turning out for the best. To-morrow I go home on quite a +long vacation. Father isn't very well this summer, and I'm to take +charge of the harvest for him." + +"Isn't this plan a little sudden?" she asked. + +"Not more so than your news," he replied grimly. + +"Are you not willing to meet him yet?" + +"Not quite. After a few weeks in the fields I shall come back +with the stoicism and appearance of a wild Indian. Come, Millie, I +said I wouldn't fail you, nor shall I. Leave it all to me. I will +explain to Mrs. Wheaton to-night, and to our other friends when +the right time comes, and I will make it appear all right to them. +If I justify you, they should have nothing to say. And now you +have nothing to do but accept your happiness and make the most of +it. I still request that you do not speak of me to Arnold except +in a casual way. When we meet you can introduce me simply as a +friend who was kind during your troubles. I'll soon know after we +meet whether we can get on together, and if we can't it will save +complications for you as well as myself. You must let me serve you +in my own way, and I think my judgment will be better than yours +in this matter." + +She was silent for a few moments, and by the light of a lamp he saw +that her eyes were full of tears. "Roger," she said softly after +a while, "I sometimes think that my affection for you is greater +than my love for Vinton, but it is so different. It seems almost +like my religion. You are a refuge for me, no matter what happens." + +"Thank you, Millie, but I don't deserve such honor." + +Mrs. Wheaton could not be brought to look at the situation as Roger +did, and she accepted the fact of Vinton Arnold with but a grim +acquiescence, which was not mollified by the young man's manner +toward her. While meaning to be very kind and polite, he was +unconsciously patronizing. She belonged to a class with which he +had never had much to do, and in his secret soul he chafed at her +presence and her relations to Mildred. While in the abstract he +might say that Mildred's associations made no difference to him, he +could not in fact overcome his lifelong prejudices, and Mildred's +surroundings were not at all to his taste. Luxury and the absence +of all that was rude and coarse had become essential to him, and +Mrs. Wheaton's cockney English and homely life often gave him cold +chills. + +Mildred in one respect disappointed him also, for she would take +no aid from him, and would in no way deviate from her retired, +independent life. "Even if my feelings and principles were not +involved," she said, "good taste requires that I conform to my +circumstances." + +She would take such quiet walks with him as his strength permitted, +but would visit no places of public resort. In view of his family's +hostility to his course, Arnold did not so much regret this, and +so it came about that they spent many of their evenings on the +platform over the roof, with the old German astronomer, star-gazing +and oblivious, not far away. + +While Mildred maintained her loyalty to her old friends, and +her resolute plainness and simplicity of life, she considerately +recognized that it was all so foreign to her lover's previous experience +that she could not expect him to feel as she did. Moreover, his +presence renewed her old love for the refined and beautiful, and +her heart, that had been so sad and preoccupied, awoke at last to +the truth that she was out of her sphere--an exile far from the +world her nature craved. Arnold seemed an inseparable part of that +old world of beauty and elegance. His every act and word brought +it back, and it caused a deepening regret that he was compelled +to seek her in her present situation; therefore she also began to +share his ill-concealed wish that she might soon escape. Honestly +as she loved Mrs. Wheaton, and would love her for all her kindness, +the good woman's talk and ways often jarred discordantly on her +nerves. Arnold soon discovered this fact, and it made him very +impatient over the prospect of life long continued under its present +aspects. He was conscious of Mrs. Wheaton's latent hostility, and +he had not the tact to conciliate her nor indeed did he make very +great effort to do so. Mildred was very sorry for this, but did +not blame him greatly, for she knew her plain old friend could +never be to him what she was to those who had learned her goodness +and worth in emergencies that had levelled all external differences. + +But in spite of the ingredients brought by these facts and the +memories of the past, Mildred found the cup of happiness which +Arnold pressed to her lips sweet indeed. She had been exceedingly +sorrowful for a long time, and it is contrary to nature that the +young should cling to sorrow, however true and constant they may +be. Her love was a part of her happy girlhood, and now it seemed to +have the power to bring back some of her former girlish lightness +of heart. The prospects offered by Arnold certainly had little to +do with the returning tide of gladness which seemed bearing her +from the dark, rugged shores on which she had been nearly wrecked. +It was a buoyancy inherent within the love she cherished, and her +joy was so sweet, so profound, that she shut her eyes to the future +and thought, "For a few days, for a few weeks, we'll just drink +deeply at this life-giving fountain. After our long separation it +will do us both more good than anything else." + +She had said to Arnold that she was willing to wait, that she +would rather wait, but she soon began to feel differently. Arnold +infused into her nature some of his own dreamy, enervated spirit, and +sometimes he would describe to her an imaginary home so exactly to +her taste that she would sigh deeply; and one day she remonstrated, +"Don't tantalize me with any more such exquisite mirages. Let us +rather think of the best and quickest way to secure a real home, and +let us be content in it, however humble it must be." But Arnold was +far better able to construct an imaginary palace than an ordinary +cottage. Although he seemed gaining steadily under the impulse of +his happiness, she often trembled to see how frail he was in body +and how untrained and impracticable in mind. He was essentially the +product of wealth, luxury, and seclusion, and while his intentions +might be the best, she was sometimes compelled to doubt his ability +to make much headway in the practical, indifferent world. Instead +of being discouraged, she only thought, "No one can ever doubt the +genuineness of my love. Roger is rich already, and he is certain +to become eminent, and yet my love is more than all the world to +me, and I so long for a little nook of a home that I could call +all my own, that I would be willing to marry Vinton at once and +support him myself if his health required it. I don't think I can +be like other girls. I shall never get over my pride, but I haven't +a particle of ambition. The world at large is nothing to me, and +instead of wishing to shine in it, I am best pleased to escape its +notice altogether." + +Arnold's family were as deeply perplexed as they were incensed at +his course. He would not leave the city for any fashionable resort, +and they well knew the reason. His father and mother hesitated +in their departure, not knowing what "folly," as they termed it, +he might be guilty of in their absence. They felt that they must +bring the matter to some issue, and yet how to do so puzzled them +greatly, for, as he had said, he had done nothing as yet to disgrace +them, and his bearing toward them was as irreproachable as it was +cold and dignified. + +At last, unknown to them, an elder brother undertook to solve the +problem. He was a thorough man of the world, and his scrupulous +compliance with the requirements of fashionable society led his +mother to regard him as a model of propriety. In his private, hidden +life he was as unscrupulous as the ultra fashionable often are. + +"Vinton," he said one day, "what a fool you are making of yourself +in this affair! You have been brought up like a girl, and you are +more simple and innocent than they average. I've seen your charmer, +and I admit that she is a fine creature. As far as looks go, you +show as much judgment as any man in town, but there your wits desert +you. Girls in her position are not nice as to terms when they can +greatly better themselves. You have money enough to lodge her like +a princess compared with her present condition. Verbum sat sapienti." + +Vinton replied indignantly that he knew nothing about Mildred. + +"Oh, I know all about women," was the confident reply; "have +forgotten more than you ever knew." + +Nevertheless this thought, like an evil seed, sprang up into a speedy +but not rank growth. Arnold saw that his family would regard his +marriage as an outrage which they would resent in every possible way, +and that their hostility now was but an ill-concealed, smouldering +fire. The relation to him would not be what his brother suggested, +but as sacred and binding as marriage. His unhealthful reading, his +long years abroad, and the radical weakness of his nature prepared +him to accept this solution as the easiest and best that circumstances +permitted of. He justly doubted whether he would soon, if ever, +gain the power of being independent. He knew nothing of business, +and hated its turmoil and distractions, and while for Mildred's +sake he would attempt anything and suffer anything, he had all +the unconquerable shrinking from a manful push out into the world +which a timid man feels at the prospect of a battle. He had been +systematically trained into weakness, and he felt that men, when +he came to compete with them, would discover and take advantage of +his defects. His cold, haughty reticence was but disguised timidity. +In Mildred's presence he ever showed the best side of his nature, +and his lonely, repressed life had always touched the tenderest chords +of her heart. If their love had been smiled upon from the first, +how different would have been his fate! She would have tenderly +developed his dwarfed, crushed manhood, and the result would have +been happiness for them both. + +"Millie," said Arnold, one starlight night, "do you care very much +for the world's opinions?" They were sitting on the platform above +the old mansion. The German astronomer, after grumbling awhile at +an obscuring haze, had gone downstairs in disgust, and left the +lovers to themselves. + +"No, Vinton, I never cared much for the world at any time, and now +I have an almost morbid impulse to shrink from it altogether. I'm +like my dear mamma. Home was her world. Poor, dear mamma!" and she +buried her face on his shoulder and shed tears that his presence +robbed of much of their bitterness. + +"I not only do not care for the world," he said impetuously, "but +I hate it. I've been dragged through it, and have ever found it a +desert, stony place. My heart just aches for the sweet quiet and +seclusion of such a home as you could make, Millie. As it is, I +have no home. A hollow iceberg could not be more cold and joyless +than my present abode. Neither have you a home. It is only in stolen +moments like these, liable to interruption, that we can speak of +what is in our hearts;" and then, prompted by his feelings, longings, +and the apparently friendless condition of the girl whose head +rested so trustingly on his breast, he broached the scheme of life +that had taken possession of his imagination. + +At first, in her faith and innocence she scarcely understood him, +but suddenly she raised her head, and looked at him with startled +eyes. "What!" she said, in trembling alarm, "no marriage? Mr. +Wentworth and Roger Atwood not present?" + +"No minister could make our union more sacred than it would be to +me," he faltered, "and as soon as my obdurate parents--" + +She sprang to her feet, and exclaimed passionately, "I'd rather die +ten thousand deaths than bring a blush of shame to Roger Atwood's +face." Then she sank into her chair in an uncontrollable outburst +of grief. He pleaded with her, but she was deaf; he tried to caress +her, but although half unconscious from her agony, she repulsed +him. "Oh, oh," she moaned, "is this the sole reward of my fidelity?" + +"Millie, Millie," he entreated, "you will kill me if you cannot +control yourself. I will do anything you say--submit to any terms. +Oh, pity me, or I shall die." + +"Leave me," she said faintly. + +"Never," he cried; "I'd sooner cast myself down from this height." + +By visible and painful effort she at last grew calm enough to say +firmly: + +"Mr. Arnold, I do pity you. Even at this moment I will try to do +you justice. My heart seems broken, and yet, I fear you will suffer +more than I. My own womanhood would make your words the sufficient +cause for our final separation, and had I not a friend in the world +we could never meet again. But I have a friend, a brother to whom +I owe more than life, and whom I love better than life. He would +have made me rich if I would have let him, but I loved you too +well. Not for my hope of heaven would I make him blush for me. I +would have married you and lived in a single room in a tenement. I +would have supported you with my own hands. The weaknesses for which +you were not to blame drew my heart toward you, but you have shown +a defect in your character to-night which creates an impassable gulf +between us. In view of the wrong done you by others I forgive you--I +shall pray God to forgive you--but we have fatally misunderstood +each other. If you have any manhood at all, if you have the ordinary +instincts of a gentleman, you will respect the commands of an orphan +girl, and leave me, never to approach me again." + +Speechless, almost paralyzed in his despair, he tottered to the +steps and disappeared. + + + + +CHAPTER XLVII + +LIGHT AT EVENTIDE + + +AS Mrs. Wheaton crossed the hallway from a brief call on a neighbor, +Vinton Arnold passed her. She noted by the light of the lamp in +her hand that his pallor was ghostlike, and she asked quickly: + +"Vere is Miss Jocelyn?" + +He paid no more heed to her than if he were a shadow of a man, +and went by her with wavering, uncertain steps, without a word. In +sudden alarm she hastened to the roof, and found Mildred kneeling +by her chair, weeping and almost speechless from grief. She took +the girl in her arms, and said excitedly, "Vat did he say to you?" + +"Oh," sobbed Mildred, "my heart is broken at last. I feel as mamma +did when she said her heart was bleeding away. Mrs. Wheaton, I shall +stay with you now as long as I live, and it seems as if it wouldn't +be very long. Never speak of him again--never speak of it to a +living soul. He asked that which would banish you and Roger--dear, +brave, patient Roger--from my side forever, and I will never see +his face again. Oh, oh, I wish I could die!" + +"I'm a plain voman," Mrs. Wheaton said grimly, "but I took the +measure of 'im soon as I clapped my heyes on 'im; but, Millie, me +darlin', you couldn't be so cruel as to break hour 'earts by dying +for sich a man. You vould make the vorld black for us hall, yer +know. Come, dear, come vith me. I'll take care hof yer. I'm not +fine like 'im that's gone, thank the Lord, but I'll never ax ye to +do haught that Mr. Ventvorth vouldn't bless," and she half supported +the exhausted, trembling girl to her room, and there was tender +and tireless in her ministrations. In the early dawn, when at last +Mildred slept for an hour or two, she wrote, in a half-eligible +scrawl, to Roger, "Come back. Millie wants you." + +His presence in response was prompt indeed. On the second morning +after the events described, Mildred sat in her chair leaning back +with closed eyes. Mrs. Wheaton was away at work, and her eldest +daughter was watching the little brood of children on the sidewalk. +A decided knock at the door caused the young girl to start up with +apprehension. She was so nervously prostrated that she trembled like +a leaf. At last she summoned courage and opened the door slightly, +and when she saw Roger's sun-burned, honest face she welcomed him +as if he were a brother indeed. + +He placed her gently in her chair again, and said, with a keen look +into her eyes, "How is this, Millie? I left you happy and even +blooming, and now you appear more pale and broken than ever before. +You look as if you had been seriously ill. Oh, Millie, that couldn't +be, and you not let me know," and he clasped her hand tightly as +he spoke. + +She buried her burning face on his shoulder, and said, in a low, +constrained tone, "Roger, I've told Mr. Arnold this much about +you--I said I'd die ten thousand deaths rather than cause you to +blush for me." + +He started as if he had been shot. "Great God!" he exclaimed, "and +did he ask you aught that would make you blush?" + +Bitter tears were Mildred's only answer. + +The young man's passion for a few moments was terrible, but Mildred's +pallid face soon calmed him. "You could not harm him," she said +sadly. "What is one blow more to a man who is in torture? I pity +him from the depths of my soul, and you must promise me to let him +alone. Never for a moment did I forget that you were my brother." + +In strong revulsion of feeling he bent one knee at her side and +pleaded, "Oh, Millie, give me the right to protect you. I'll wait +for you till I'm gray. I'll take what love you can give me. I'll +be devotion itself." + +"Don't, Roger," she said wearily. "I love you too well to listen. +Such words only wound me. Oh, Roger, be patient with me. You don't +understand, you never will understand. I do give you the right to +protect me; but don't talk that way again. I just long for rest and +peace. Roger, my friend, my brother," she said, lifting her eyes +appealingly to his, and giving him both of her hands, "don't you +see? I can give you everything in this way, but in the way you +speak of--nothing. My heart is as dead as poor Belle's." + +"Your wish shall be my law," he said gently. + +"And you'll not harm Mr. Arnold?" + +"Not if it will hurt you." + +"I never wish to see or hear from him again, and you'll never have +cause to fear any one else." + +"Millie," he said sadly, "it is for you I fear most. You look so +sad, pale, and broken-hearted. There isn't a sacrifice I wouldn't +make for you. Millie, you won't let this thing crush you? It would +destroy me if you did. We will resume our old quiet life, and you +shall have rest of body and soul;" and he kept his word so well +that, before many months passed, her mind regained sufficient tone +and strength to enable her to engage in the simple duties of life +with something like zest. He talked to her about many of his studies, +he searched the stores for the books which he thought would be +to her taste, and took her to see every beautiful work of art on +exhibition. In spite of her poverty, he daily made her life richer +and fuller of all that he knew to be congenial to her nature. While +she gained in serenity and in capability for quiet enjoyment, he was +positively happy, for he believed that before many years passed she +would be ready to spend the rest of life at his side. He meantime +was pursuing his studies with a vigor and success that inspired +his friends with the most sanguine hopes. + +Vinton Arnold, on that terrible night when his false dream of life +was shattered, went through the streets as oppressed with shame and +despair as if he were a lost spirit. As he was slowly and weakly +climbing the stairs his father called him to the sitting-room, +where he and his wife were in consultation, feeling that matters +must be brought to some kind of a settlement, Mrs. Arnold urging +extreme measures, and her husband bent on some kind of compromise. +As his son entered, the old gentleman started up, exclaiming: + +"Good God, my boy, what is the matter?" + +"He's going to have one of his bad turns," said his mother, rising +hastily. + +"Hush, both of you," he commanded sternly, and he sat down near the +door. Fixing a look of concentrated hatred on his mother, he said +slowly, "Madam, you are not willing that I should marry Mildred +Jocelyn." + +"And with very good reason," she replied, a little confused by his +manner. + +"Well, let it rejoice such heart as you have--I shall never marry +her." + +"What do you mean?" + +"I mean never to speak to you again after this brief interview. I +am a lost man--lost beyond hope, and you are the cause. If you had +had a mother's heart my father would not have been so obdurate. +Since you would not let me marry her, I was tempted by my love +and the horrible life I lead in this house to offer her a relation +which would have been marriage to me, but from which her proud, +pure spirit, recoiled, as I recoil from you, and I shall never see +her face again in this world or in any world. Your work is finished. +You need not scheme or threaten any more. While she is as good as an +angel of heaven, she is as proud as you are, and you have murdered +my hope--my soul. Father, I have but one request to make to you. +Give me money enough to live anywhere except under this roof. No, +no more words to-night, unless you would have me die in your presence +with curses on my lips. I have reached the utmost limit;" and he +abruptly left the room. + +Mrs. Arnold took refuge in hysterics, and her husband rang violently +for her maid, and then locked himself up in his library, where he +walked the floor for many an hour. The next morning he tried to make +overtures to his son, but he found the young man deaf and stony in +his despair. "It's too late," was all that he would say. + +"Oh, let him alone," protested his wife irritably, as her husband +came down looking sorely troubled; "Vinton will indulge in high +tragedy for a few months, and then settle down to sensible life," +and in the hope of this solution the old merchant went gloomily to +his business. + +That day Vinton Arnold left his home, and it was years before he +returned. + +Two years or more passed away in quiet, toilsome days for Mildred. +She had gained serenity, and apparently had accepted her lot +without repining. Indeed, thanks to Roger's unfaltering devotion, +it was not a monotonous or a sad one. He let her heart rest, hoping, +trusting that some day it would wake from its sleep. In compliance +with her wish he was in semblance a brother, and his attentions +were so quiet and frank, his manner toward her so restful, that +even she half believed at times that his regard for her was passing +into the quiet and equable glow of fraternal love. Such coveted +illusions could not be long maintained, however, for occasionally +when he was off his guard she would find him looking at her in a +way that revealed how much he repressed. She shed many bitter tears +over what she termed his "obstinate love," but an almost morbid +conviction had gained possession of her mind that unless she could +return his affection in kind and degree she ought not to marry him. + +At last she began to grow a little restless under her rather +aimless life, and one day she said to her pastor, Mr. Wentworth, +"I want a career--isn't that what you call it? I'm tired of being +a sewing-woman, and soon I shall be a wrinkled spinster. Isn't +there something retired and quiet which a girl with no more brains +and knowledge than I have can do?" + +"Yes," he said gravely; "make a home for Roger." + +She shook her head. "That is the only thing I can't do for him," +she replied very sadly. "God only knows how truly I love him. I +could give him my life, but not the heart of a wife. I have lost +everything except truth to my womanly nature. I must keep that. +Moreover, I'm too good a friend of Roger's to marry him. He deserves +the strong first love of a noble woman, and it will come to him +some day. Do you think I could stand before you and God's altar and +promise what is impossible? No, Mr. Wentworth, Roger has a strength +and force of character which will carry him past all this, and when +once he sees I have found a calling to which I can devote all my +energies, he will gradually become reconciled to the truth, and +finally accept a richer happiness than I could ever bring him." + +"You are an odd girl, Mildred, but perhaps you are right. I've +learned to have great faith in you. Well, I know of a career which +possibly may suit you. It would open an almost limitless field of +usefulness," and he told her of the Training School for Nurses in +connection with Bellevue Hospital. + +The proposition took Mildred's fancy greatly, and it was arranged +that they should visit the institution on the following afternoon. +Roger sighed when he heard of the project, but only remarked +patiently, "Anything you wish, Millie." + +"Dear old fellow," she thought; "he doesn't know I'm thinking of +him more than myself." + +Mildred made her friend Clara Wilson and her brother and sister +a long visit the following summer, and in the fall entered on her +duties, her zest greatly increased by the prospect of being able +before very long to earn enough to give Fred and Minnie a good +education. The first year of her training passed uneventfully +away, she bringing to her tasks genuine sympathy for suffering, +and unusual aptness and ability. Her own sorrowful experience made +her tender toward the unfortunate ones for whom she cared, and her +words and manner brought balm and healing to many sad hearts that +were far beyond the skill of the hospital surgeons. + +During the first half of the second year, in accordance with the +custom of the School, she responded to calls from wealthy families +wherein there were cases of such serious illness as to require the +services of a trained nurse, and in each instance she so won the +confidence of the attending physician and the affection of the +family as to make them personal friends. Her beautiful face often +attracted to her not a little attention, but she was found to be +as unapproachable as a Sister of Charity. Roger patiently waited, +and filled the long months with unremitting toil. + +One evening toward the latter part of the first six months of +her outside work, Mildred returned from nursing a patient back to +health. She found the lady in charge of the institution in much +tribulation. "Here is Mrs. Sheppard, from one of the most influential +families on Fifth Avenue, offering anything for a nurse. Her brother +is dying with consumption, she says. He has a valet in attendance, +but the physician in charge says he needs a trained nurse, for +he wants constant watching. He is liable to die at any moment. We +haven't a nurse unemployed. Do you feel too tired to go?" + +"Oh, no," said Mildred. "My patient improved so much that for the +last week I've almost been resting." + +"And you think you can go?" + +"Certainly." + +"I'll tell Mrs. Sheppard then to send for you in a couple of hours. +That will give you time to get ready." + +Two hours later Mildred was driven rapidly by a coach-man in livery +to a mansion on Fifth Avenue, and she was speedily ushered into +the room where the patient lay. He was sleeping at the time, with +curtains drawn and his face turned away. Mildred only glanced at him +sufficiently to see that he was very much emaciated. A middle-aged +lady who introduced herself as Mrs. Sheppard received her, saying, +"I'm so glad you are here, for I am overcome with fatigue. Last +night he was very restless and ill, and would have no one near him +except myself. His valet is in that room just across the hall, and +will come at the slightest summons. Now while my brother is sleeping +I will rest at once. My room is here, opening into this. Call me +if there is need, and don't mind if he talks strangely. Your room +is there, just beyond this one," and with a few directions, given +with the air of extreme weariness, she passed to her own apartment, +and was soon sleeping soundly. + +Mildred sat down in the dim room where the light fell upon her +pure, sweet profile, which was made a little more distinct by the +flickering of the cannel-coal fire, and began one of the quiet +watches to which she was becoming so accustomed. Her thoughts were +very painful at first, for they seemed strangely inclined to dwell +on Vinton Arnold. From the time they parted she had heard nothing +of him, and since the brief explanation that she had been compelled +to give to Roger, his name had not passed her lips. He had been +worse than dead to her, and she wondered if he were dead. She had +never cherished any vindictive feelings toward him, and even now +her eyes filled with tears of commiseration for his wronged and +wretched life. Then by a conscious effort she turned her thoughts +to the friend who had never failed her. "Dear Roger," she murmured, +"he didn't appear well the last time I saw him. He is beginning to +look worn and thin. I know he is studying too hard. Oh, I wish my +heart were not so perverse, for he needs some one to take care of +him. He can't change; he doesn't get over it as I hoped he would," +and her eyes, bent on the fire, grew dreamy and wistful. + +Unknown to herself, she was watched by one who scarcely dared to +breathe lest what seemed a vision should vanish. The dying man was +Vinton Arnold. His married sister, overcome by weariness and the +stupor of sleep, had inadvertently forgotten to mention his name, +and Mildred was under the impression that the name of her patient +was Sheppard. She had never been within the Arnold mansion, nor +was she specially familiar with its exterior. Entering it hastily +on a stormy night, she had not received the faintest suggestion +that it was the home to which she and her mother had once dreamed +she might be welcomed. + +When at last Arnold had awakened, he saw dimly, sitting by the +fire, an unfamiliar form, which nevertheless suggested the one never +absent from his thoughts. Noiselessly he pushed the lace curtain +aside, and to his unspeakable wonder his eyes seemed to rest on +Mildred Jocelyn. "She is dead," he first thought, "and it is her +spirit. Or can it be that my reason is leaving me utterly, and the +visions of my tortured mind are becoming more real than material +things? Oh, see," he murmured, "there are tears in her eyes. I +could almost imagine that a good angel had taken her guise and was +weeping over one so lost and wrecked as I am. Now her lips move--she +is speaking softly to herself. Great God! can it be real? Or is +it that my end is near, and long-delayed mercy gives me this sweet +vision before I die?" + +His sombre and half-superstitious conjectures were almost dispelled +by a little characteristic act on Mildred's part--an act that +contained a suggestion of hope for Roger. In awakening the stronger +traits of manhood in the latter she had also evoked an appreciation of +beauty and a growing love for it. Mildred was human enough not to +regret that this developing sense should find its fullest gratification +in herself. Though so determined to become a wrinkled spinster, +she found a secret and increasing pleasure in the admiring glances +that dwelt upon her face and dainty figure, and this fact might +have contained for him, had he known it, a pleasing hint. It must +be confessed that she no longer wished to go into his presence +without adding a little grace to her usually plain attire; and now +that she was thinking so deeply of him she involuntarily raised her +hand to adjust her coquettish nurse's cap, which by some feminine +magic all her own she ever contrived to make a becoming head-dress +rather than a badge of office. + +Even to Vinton Arnold's perturbed and disordered mind the act was +so essentially feminine and natural, so remote from ghostly weirdness, +that he raised himself on his elbow and exclaimed, "Millie, Millie +Jocelyn!" + +"Ah," cried Mildred starting from her chair and looking fearfully +toward the half-closed door of Mrs. Sheppard's room. In her turn +her heart beat quickly, with the sudden superstitious fear which the +strongest of us cannot control when we seem close to the boundaries +of the unseen world. "It was HIS voice," she murmured. + +"Millie, oh, Millie, are you real, or is it a dream?" + +She took two or three steps toward the bed, stopped, and covered +her face with her hands. + +"Oh, speak!" he cried in agony. "I do not know whether I am dreaming +or awake, or whether I now see as if before me the one ever in my +thoughts. You hide your face from me," he groaned, sinking back +despairingly. "You have come for a brief moment to show me that I +can never look upon your face again." + +Mildred thought swiftly. Her first impulse was to depart at once, +and then her womanly pity and sense of duty gained the mastery. +Vinton Arnold was now a dying man, and she but a trained nurse. +Perhaps God's hand was in their strange and unexpected meeting, and +it was His will that the threads of two lives that had been bound +so closely should not be severed in fatal evil. Should she thwart +His mercy? + +"Mr. Arnold," she said, in an agitated voice, "this is a strange and +undreamed-of meeting. Let me quiet your mind, however, by telling +you how simple and matter-of-fact are the causes which led to it. +I am now a professional nurse from the Training School connected +with Bellevue Hospital, and your sister, having sent to the School +for assistance, obtained my services as she might those of any of +my associates. In view--perhaps--it would be best for one of them +to take my place." + +He was strongly moved, and listened panting and trembling in his +weakness. "Millie," at last he faltered, "is there any God at all? +Is there any kind or merciful spirit in nature? If so, you have been +sent to me, for I am dying of remorse. Since you bade me leave you +I have suffered tortures, day and night, that I cannot describe. I +have often been at the point of taking my own life, but something +held me back. Can it be that it was for this hour? Mildred, I am +dying. The end of a most unhappy life is very near. Is there no +mercy in your faith--no mercy in your strong, pure womanly heart?" + +"Vinton," she said gently, "I believe you are right. God has sent +me to you. I will not leave you until it is best." + +"Millie, Millie," he pleaded, "forgive me. I cannot believe in +God's forgiveness until you forgive me." + +"I forgave you from the first, Vinton, because I knew there was +no cold-blooded evil in your mind, and I have long felt that you +were more sinned against than sinning. If I stay I must impose one +condition--there must be no words concerning the past. That is gone +forever." + +"I know it, Mildred. I killed your love with my own hand, but the +blow was more fatal to me than to you." + +"Can you not rally and live?" she asked tearfully. + +"No," he said, with a deep breath. "Moreover, I have no wish to +live. The dark shadow of my life will soon fall on you no more, +but the hope that I may breathe my last with you near brings a deep +content and peace. Does any one yet suspect who you are?" + +"No. I fear Mrs. Arnold will not think it best." + +"I have never spoken to Mrs. Arnold since that awful night, and if +she interferes now I will curse her with my last breath. This is +my one hope--my one gleam of light in the life she has cursed--" + +"Hush, oh hush! Unless my presence brings quietness I cannot stay," +for at the name of his mother he became dangerously agitated. "I +will tell Mrs. Sheppard in the morning, and I think she will arrange +it so that I can do all in my power for you." + +"No," he replied, after a little thought, "I will tell her. She is +unlike my mother and other sisters, and has a good heart. She has +taken entire charge of me, but I was in such a hell of suffering at +the thought of dying without one word from you that I was almost +a maniac. I will be quiet now. Leave all to me; I can make her +understand." + +When Mrs. Sheppard entered, as the late dawn began to mingle with +the gaslight, she found her brother sleeping quietly, his hand +clasping Mildred's. To her slight expression of surprise the young +girl returned a clear, steadfast look, and said calmly, "When +your brother awakes he has some explanations to make. I am Mildred +Jocelyn." + +The lady sank into a chair and looked at her earnestly. "I have long +wished to see you," she murmured. "Vinton has told me everything. +I was so overcome with sleep and fatigue last night that I neither +told you his name nor asked yours. Did you not suspect where you +were?" + +"Not until he awoke and recognized me." + +"Was he greatly agitated?" + +"Yes, at first. It was so unexpected that he thought me a mere +illusion of his own mind." + +"Miss Jocelyn, I believe God sent you to him." + +"So he thinks." + +"You won't leave him till--till--It can't be long." + +"That depends upon you, Mrs. Sheppard. I am very, very sorry for +him," and tears came into her eyes. + +Low as was the murmur of their voices, Arnold awoke and glanced +with troubled eyes from one to the other before it all came back +to him; but his sister brought quiet and rest by saying gently, as +she kissed him: + +"Vinton, Miss Jocelyn shall not leave you." + + + + +CHAPTER XLVIII + +"GOOD ANGEL OF GOD" + + +The young nurse soon became known through the house simply as Miss +Mildred. With the exception of Mrs. Sheppard, the valet, and the +physician, no one entered the sick-room except Mr. Arnold, and the +old man often lingered and hovered around like a remorseful ghost. +He had grown somewhat feeble, and no longer went to his business. +His son had tolerated his presence since he had come home to die, +but had little to say to him, for the bitterness of his heart extended +to the one who had yielded to his mother's hardness and inveterate +worldliness. In the secrecy of his heart the old merchant admitted +that he had been guilty of a fatal error, and the consequences +had been so terrible to his son that he had daily grown more +conscience-smitten; but his wife had gained such an ascendency over +him in all social and domestic questions that beyond occasional +protests he had let matters drift until Vinton returned from his +long exile in Europe. The hope that his son would get over what his +wife called "an absurd youthful folly" was now rudely dispelled, +and in bitterness he reproached himself that he had not adopted a +different course. + +From the way in which he came in and looked at his son when he +was sleeping, it was soon revealed to Mildred how he felt, and she +pitied him also. + +Mrs. Sheppard was a wealthy widow, and the eldest daughter. She was +for the present making her home under the paternal roof. Unlike her +mother, she had quick, strong sympathies, which sorrows of her own +had deepened. She had assumed the care of her brother, and infused +into her ministry a tenderness which at last led the imbittered +heart to reveal itself to her. She was therefore already prepared +to be Mildred's sincere ally in bringing a little light into the +late evening-tide of her brother's clouded day. + +Most of the time she sat in her own room with the door ajar, +leaving Vinton to the ministrations of his nurse. He required far +less care now, for he seemed content to rest as one might during a +respite from torture. His eyes would follow Mildred with a pathetic +longing when he was awake, and when she took his hand and told him +to sleep he would obey like a child. He seemed better because so +quiet, but he grew weaker daily. All knew, and none better than +himself, that life was slowly ebbing. His father came in more +frequently than ever, for his son showed no restlessness at his +presence now. At Mildred's request Vinton even began to greet him +with something like a welcome, and the young girl did all in her +power to make the old gentleman feel at home; sometimes she would +place a large easy-chair by the fire and ask him to sit with them. +He was glad to comply, and often looked wonderingly and earnestly +at the fair young nurse that was working such a transformation in +the patient. He once or twice tried to become better acquainted +with her, but ever found her gentle, deferential, and very reserved. + +Twice Mildred asked Vinton to let her send for Mr. Wentworth, but +he shook his head and said that she alone could do him any good. +"Read the Bible to me when you feel like it. I'll listen to you, +but my best hope is to sleep so quietly that I shall have no dreams. +If that cannot be, I'll remember that you forgave me." + +"Such words make me very sad," she replied, on the latter occasion, +tears rushing into her eyes. + +"I am not worthy that you should care so much," he said. "What am +I but a flickering rush-light which your hand is shielding that it +may burn out quietly?" + +"Vinton, you are wrong. The life which God has given you cannot +cease. I am not wise and learned, and I have an almost unconquerable +diffidence in speaking on these subjects, except to children and +the poor and ignorant. But since you won't see any one else, I +must speak. You say God sent me to you, and I accept your belief, +but He did not send me to you merely to relieve physical pain and +mental disquiet. If a man is stumbling toward an abyss of darkness, +is it any great kindness to hold a lamp so that his last steps may +be easier? There is for each one of us a vital truth and a sacred +duty, and in shutting your eyes to these and living in the present +hour, you show--pardon an honest friend for saying it--you show a +more fatal weakness than you have yet manifested." + +"You are mistaken, Mildred," he said bitterly. "As far as +I am concerned, what truth is there for me to contemplate except +a wasted, unhappy life, wrecked and shamed beyond remedy, beyond +hope. I long ago lost what trace of manhood I once had. Never dream +that because you have forgiven me I shall forgive myself. No, no," +he said, with a dark vindictiveness in his eyes, "there are three +that I shall never forgive, and I am one of them. As for duty, the +word is torment. What can I do--I who can scarcely raise my hand? +My day is over, my chance has gone by forever. Don't interrupt me. +I know you would speak of the consolations of religion, but I'd +rather go to the devil himself--if there is one--than to such a +God as my mother worships; and she has always been a very religious +woman. The whole thing long since became a farce to me at our church. +It was just as much a part of the fashionable world that blighted +me as the rest of society's mummeries. You never went there after +you had real trouble to contend with. It was the last place that +you would think of going to for comfort or help. The thought of +you alone has kept me from utter unbelief, and I would be glad to +believe that there is some kindly power in existence that watches +over such beings as you are, and that can reward your noble life; +but as far as I am concerned it's all a mystery and a weariness. +You are near--you are merciful and kind. This is all the heaven +I expect. It is far more than I deserve. Let me rest, Mildred. It +will be but for a few more days. Then when you close my eyes, may +I sleep forever," and he leaned back faint and exhausted. He would +not let her interrupt him, for he seemed bent on settling the +question as far as he was concerned, and dismissing it finally. + +She listened with fast-falling tears, and answered sighingly, "Oh, +I do wish you would see Mr. Wentworth. You are so wrong--so fatally +mistaken." + +"No," he said firmly, "I will see no one but you." + +"Oh, what shall I say to you?" + +"Do not grieve so about me. You cannot change anything. You cannot +give me your strong, grand nature any more than you can your +beautiful life and perfect health. I could become a Catholic and +worship St. Mildred," he added with a smile, trying to banish her +tears. "The only duty that I am capable of is to try to make as +little trouble as possible, and to cease making it altogether soon. +Go and rest, and I will too, for I'm very tired." + +"No," she said resolutely. "My mission to you must not end so +weakly, so uselessly. Will you do me a favor?" + +"I?" + +"Yes; listen quietly and honestly;" and she read the first verses +of the nineteenth chapter of St. John, ending with the words, +"Behold the man." + +"Vinton," she said eagerly, "the truth to which I referred was +embodied truth, and your first sacred duty is to look to Him and +live. To the last conscious moment of life this will remain your +first and most sacred duty, and were you the strongest man in this +city you could not do more. It's not a question of religions at +all, or of what other people are or believe. The words I have read +have brought you face to face with this Divine Man, who came to +seek and save that which was lost. Never did a despairing human soul +cry out to Him in vain. He is as real as I am. His tender pity is +infinitely beyond mine. Far better and wiser would it be for you +to turn from me than from Him. Oh, merciful Christ, how the world +wrongs Thee!" and she buried her face in her hands and sobbed +bitterly. + +"Millie, please don't," he entreated. "I can't endure to see you +so grieved." + +"Forgive me--I am forgetting myself sadly; but how can I see you +so hopeless, so despairing, when there is no more need of it than +of your refusing what I try to do for your comfort? There, rest +now, but think of what I've said. I may have done wrong to tire +you so, but to minister to the body only, when the soul, the man +within you, is in such infinite need seems but a mockery. If you +continue to wrong Him who should be the one great hope of every +human heart, you will sadden all my days. My mission will be but +a poor one indeed." + +He was very much exhausted, but he said gently, "I will think of it, +and may the One you serve so faithfully bless you for your divine +pity. What you have said seems to make everything different; +you appear to have something real and definite in your mind. Give +me your hand and I will rest; then, my good angel, teach me your +faith." + +This Mildred did almost wholly from God's own word. At first it was +hard for him to believe that there were any possibilities for one +like him, but at last he accepted the truth that God is not willing +that the least should perish. "The mystery of life is something +that the wisest cannot solve," she said to him, "but the best hopes +of the world have ever centred about this Divine Friend. Burdened +hearts have gone to Him in every age and found rest. Oh, how often +He has comforted me when mine seemed breaking! In response to a +simple trust He gives a hope, a life which I do not think can be +found elsewhere, and in the limitless future that which was all +wrong here may be made right and perfect." + +"So this is your revenge, Millie. You come and bring me this great +hope." + +"No, God sent me." + +Mildred's mission to the sad-hearted Mrs. Sheppard was almost as +sacred and useful as to her brother, and they had many long talks +which possessed all the deep interest which is imparted by experiences +that leave a lasting impress on memory. + +Every day increased the bitter regret that short-sighted worldliness +had blighted one life and kept from others one who had such rare +powers of creating all that constitutes a home. + +To Roger Mildred had written almost daily, telling him everything. +Her letters were so frank and sincere that they dispelled +the uneasiness which first took possession of his mind, and they +gradually disarmed him of his hostility to the dying man. There is +a point in noble souls beyond which enmity falters and fails, and +he felt that Mildred's course toward Arnold was like the mercy of +God. He reverenced the girl who like an angel of mercy was bringing +hope to a despairing soul. + +"Laura," said old Mr. Arnold to Mrs. Sheppard one evening as she was +sitting with him in his library, "this young nurse is a continual +surprise to me." + +"What do you mean, papa?" + +"Well, she impresses me strangely. She has come to us as a professional +nurse, and yet I have never seen a more perfect gentlewoman. There +is a subtle grace and refinement about her which is indescribable. +No wonder Vinton has been made better by her care. I wouldn't mind +being sick myself if I could have her about me. That girl has a +history. How comes she in such a position?" + +"I think her position a very exalted one," said his daughter warmly. +"Think what an infinite blessing and comfort she has been in our +household." + +"True, true enough; but I didn't expect any such person to be sent +to us." + +"I am perfectly ready to admit that this young girl is an unusual +character, and have no doubt that she has had a history that would +account for her influence. But you are in error if you think that +these trained nurses are recruited from the ranks of commonplace +women. Many of them come from as good families as ours, and have +all the instincts of a true lady. They have a noble calling, and +I envy them." + +"Well, you know more about it than I do, but I think this Miss +Mildred a rare type of woman. It's not her beautiful face, for she +has a charm, a winsomeness that is hard to define or account for. +She makes me think of some subtle perfume that is even sweeter than +the flower from which it is distilled. Would to God Vinton had met +such a girl at first! How different it all might have been!" + +Mrs. Sheppard left the room so hastily as to excite her father's +surprise. + +One day Vinton said to Mildred, "How can I be truly forgiven unless +I forgive? I now see that I have wronged God's love even more +than my mother has wronged me, and in my deep gratitude from the +consciousness of God's forgiveness I would like to forgive her +and be reconciled before I die. To my brother I will send a brief +message--I can't see him again, for the ordeal would be too painful. +As for my father, I have long ceased to cherish enmity against him. +He, like myself, is, in a certain sense, a victim of our family +pride." + +"Vinton," Mildred replied, "I cannot tell you how glad I am to +hear you speak so. I have been waiting and hoping for this, for it +is proof that your feeling is not mere emotion and sentiment. You +now propose to do something that is more than manly--it is divine. +God's greatest, dearest, most godlike prerogative is to forgive, +and man's noblest act is to forgive a great wrong. Vinton, you have +now won my respect." + +She never forgot his answering glance. "Millie," he said softly, +"I can die happy now. I never expected more than your pity." + +"If you will do this, your memory will become sweet and ennobled +in my heart. Your action will show me how grandly and swiftly God +can develop one who has been wronged by evil." + +"God bless you, my good angel. Ask my sister to send for my father +and mother at once. I feel a little stronger this evening, and yet +I think the beginning of my new life is very near." + +Mildred went into Mrs. Sheppard's room and told her of Vinton's +purpose. She looked at the young girl for a moment with eyes blinded +by tears, and then clasped her in a close, passionate embrace which +was more eloquent than any words. "Oh, Mildred," she said, with a +low sob, "if you only could have been my sister!" Then she hastened +to carry out her brother's wishes. + +The fire burned brightly in the grate, the softened lights diffused +a mild radiance through the room, and the old impression of gloom +was utterly absent when Vinton's parents entered. Neither Mrs. +Arnold nor her husband was quite able to hide the surprise and +embarrassment felt at the unexpected summons, but Mr. Arnold went +promptly to the bedside, and, taking his son's hand, said huskily, +"I'll come any time you wish, my dear boy, be it night or day." + +Vinton gave as warm a pressure in answer as his feebleness permitted, +and then he said gravely, "I wish you and mother to sit here close +to me, for I must speak low, and my words must be brief. I have but +a little fragment of life left to me, and must hasten to perform +the few duties yet within my power." + +"Had not this young woman better retire?" suggested Mrs. Arnold, +glancing coldly at Mildred, who stood in the background, Mrs. +Sheppard detaining her by a strong, warm clasp of her hand. + +"No," said Vinton decisively, "she must remain. Were it not for the +influence of this Christian--not religious, but Christian--girl, +you would never have seen my face again, with my consent. In showing +me how God forgives the sinful, she has taught me how to forgive. +Mother, I never expected to forgive you, but I do from my heart. +I am far beyond the world and all worldly considerations. In the +clear light of the endless life to which we are all hastening, I see +as never before how small, petty, and unworthy are those unnatural +principles which blight human life at fashion's bidding. Mother, +I wish to do you justice. You tried to care for me in my childhood +and youth. You spared yourself no expense, no trouble, but you +could not seem to understand that what I needed was sympathy and +love--that my heart was always repressed and unhappy. The human soul, +however weak, is not like an exotic plant. It should be tended by +a hand that is as gentle as it is firm and careful. I found one +who combined gentleness with strength; stern, lofty principle with +the most beautiful and delicate womanhood; and you know how I lost +her. Could I have followed the instincts of my heart, my fate would +have been widely different. But that is now all past. You did not +mean to wrong me so terribly. It was only because your own life was +all wrong that you wronged me. Your pride and prejudice prevented +you from knowing the truth concerning the girl I loved. Mother, +I am dying, and my last earnest counsel to you and father is that +you will obey the words of the loftiest and greatest, 'Learn of +me, for I meek and lowly in heart, and ye shall find rest unto your +souls.' If you cannot do this, your lives will be a more wretched +failure than mine has been. Bury your worldly pride in my grave, +and learn to be gentle and womanly, and may God forgive you as +truly as I do." + +As he spoke slowly and feebly, the cold, proud woman began to +tremble and weep, and when his words ceased she sank on her knees +at his bedside and sobbed, "Oh, what have I done? Must I bear the +remorse of having murdered my own child?" + +"No, mother, you were blinded as I was. You will be forgiven as I +have been. In the better home of heaven we'll find the secret of +our true relationship which we missed here. Good-by now. I must +hasten, for I am very weak." + +Mrs. Arnold rose, put her arms around her son and kissed him, and +her daughter supported her from the room, Vinton's eyes following +her sorrowfully until she disappeared. Then he said, "Dear old +father, come and sit close beside me." + +He came, and bowed his head upon his son's hand. + +"Millie," he called feebly to the young girl who stood by the fire +with her face buried in her hands. She came at once. "God bless you +for those tears. They fall like dew into my soul. Millie, I feel +as if--I don't know what it means--it seems as if I might go to my +rest now. The room is growing dark, and I seem to see you more in +my mind than with my eyes. Millie, will you--can you so far forgive +me as to take my head upon your bosom and let me say my last words +near your heart?" + +"Great God!" cried his father, starting up, "is he dying?" + +"Father, please be calm. Keep my hand. Let my end come as I wish. +Millie, Millie, won't you?" + +Her experienced eyes saw that his death was indeed at hand--that +his life had but flickered up brightly once more before expiring. +Therefore she gratified his final wish, and took his head upon her +breast. + +"Rest, rest at last," he sighed. + +"Father," he said after a moment or two, "look at this dear girl +who has saved my soul from death." The old man lifted his head and +gazed upon the pure, sweet face at which he had looked so often +and questioningly before. + +"Oh, Vinton, Vinton, God forgive me! I see it all. Our insane pride +and prejudice kept a good angel from our home." + +"Yes, father, this is Mildred Jocelyn. Was I wrong to love her?" + +"Oh, blind, blind fool that I've been!" the old man groaned. + +"Don't grieve so, father. If you will listen to her words, her +mission to us all will be complete. She is fatherless. Be kind to +her after I am gone." + +The old man rose slowly and leaned his brow on Mildred's head. "My +child," he said brokenly, "all my love for Vinton shall now go to +you, and his portion shall be yours." + +"God bless you, father. Good-by now. Let me sleep," and his eyes +closed wearily. + +"That's right, my boy; you'll be better in the morning," and with +feeble, faltering steps he left the room, murmuring, "Oh, that I +had only known in time!" + +Mrs. Sheppard now entered and took his place. For a little time +Vinton seemed to sleep. Then he opened his eyes and looked slowly +around. They kindled into loving recognition as they rested on +his sister. "Laura, your patience and mercy toward me have been +rewarded," he whispered. "Say to Mansfield and my other brother and +sisters what I told you. Be as kind to Mildred as you have been to +me. Good-by." + +"Millie, Millie, good angel of God to me, farewell for a little +while." + +His eyes closed again, his breath came more and more slowly, and +at last it ceased. His sister put her hand over his heart. His sad, +thwarted life had ended on earth. + +Mildred kissed him for the first time in her ministry, and murmured, +as she gently laid his head back upon the pillow, "Thank God, it +has not ended as I feared!" + + + + +CHAPTER XLIX + +HOME + + +We take up the thread of our story after the lapse of several months. +Mildred left the Arnold family softened and full of regret. Even +proud Mrs. Arnold asked her forgiveness with many bitter tears, but +beyond a few little significant gifts they found it impossible to +make the one toward whom their hearts were now so tender take more +than the regular compensation that went toward the support of the +institution to which she belonged. Mr. Arnold and Mrs. Sheppard would +not give her up, and often came to see her, and the old gentleman +always made her promise that when he became ill she would take care +of him; and once he whispered to her, "You won' take anything from +me now, but in my will I can remember my debt. All my wealth cannot +pay what I owe to you." + +"Money has nothing to do with my relations to you," she replied +gently. + +"Vinton's portion belongs to you," was his quiet reply. "The poor +boy so understood it, and I shall not break faith with the dead." + +"Then his portion shall go toward relieving suffering in this city," +was her answer. + +"You can do what you please with it, for it shall be yours." + +While Mildred quietly performed her duties as head-nurse in one +of the wards during the last six months of the two years of her +sojourn at the Training School, some important changes had occurred +in Roger's circumstances. He had, more than a year before, graduated +second in his class at college, and had given the impression that +he would have been first had he taken the full four years' course. +His crotchety uncle, with whom since the reconciliation he had +resided, had died, and after a few months his wife followed him, +and Roger found himself a wealthy man, but not a happy one. Beyond +giving his parents every comfort which they craved, and making his +sister Susan quite an heiress, he scarcely knew what to do with the +money. His uncle's home was not at all to his taste, and he soon +left it, purchasing a moderate-sized but substantial and elegant +house in a part of the city that best suited his convenience. Here +he installed Mrs. Wheaton as housekeeper, and, with the exception +of his own suite of rooms and the sleeping apartments, left all +the rest unfurnished. After placing himself in a position to offer +hospitalities to his country relatives, he determined that the +parlors should remain empty, as a mute reproach to Mildred. + +One evening, a week before she graduated, he induced her to go with +him to see his house. "It's not a home," he whispered; "I merely +stay here." Then, without giving time for reply, he ushered her into +the hall, which was simply but very elegantly furnished. Mildred +had time only to note two or three fine old engravings and a +bronze figure, when Mrs. Wheaton, bustling up from the basement, +overwhelmed her with hospitality. They first inspected her domains, +and in neatness and comfort found them all that could be desired. +"You see," said the good woman, as she and Mildred were hidden from +view in a china closet, "I could get hup quite a grand dinner, but +I hain't much use fur these 'ere things, for he heats less and less +hevery day. I'm troubled habout Mr. Roger, fur he seems kinder low +hin 'is spirits and discouraged like. Most young men vould feel like +lords hin 'is shoes, but he's a-gettin' veary and listless-like. +Vun day he vas so down that I vanted 'im to see a doctor, but he +smiled kinder strange and said nothin'. He's a-gettin' thin and +pale. Vat vould I do hif he should get sick?" + +Mildred turned in quick alarm and glanced at the young man, who +stood looking at the glowing kitchen-range, as if his thoughts +were little interested in the homely appliances for his material +comfort. His appearance confirmed Mrs. Wheaton's words, for his +features were thinner than they had been since he recovered from +his illness, and there was a suggestion of lassitude and dejection +in his manner. She went directly to him and said: + +"Mrs. Wheaton tells me you are not well." + +He started, then threw off all depression, remarking lightly, "Mrs. +Wheaton is fidgety. She prepares enough food for four men. I'm +well--have been working rather late at night, that's all." + +"Why do you, Roger?" she asked, in a voice full of solicitude. + +"If I don't feel sleepy there is no use in wasting time. But +come, you have seen enough of the culinary department. Since Mrs. +Wheaton has charge of it you can know beforehand that everything +will be the best of its kind. I think I can show you something in +my sitting-room that will interest you more." + +Mrs. Wheaton preceded them, and Mildred took his arm in a way +that showed that he had not been able to banish her anxiety on his +behalf. "Let me see your parlors, Roger," she said when they again +reached the hall. "I expect to find them models of elegance." + +He threw open the door and revealed two bare rooms, the brilliantly +burning gas showing frescoes of unusual beauty, but beyond these +there was nothing to relieve their bleak emptiness. "I have no +use for these rooms," he remarked briefly, closing the door. "Come +with me," and he led her to the apartment facing the street on the +second floor. The gas was burning dimly, but when he had placed her +where he wished her to stand, he suddenly turned it up, and before +her, smiling into her eyes from the wall, were three exquisitely +finished oil portraits--her father and mother and Belle, looking +as she remembered them in their best and happiest days. + +The effect upon her at first was almost overpowering. She sank into +a chair with heart far too full for words, and looked until tears +so blinded her eyes that she could see them no longer. + +"Roger," she murmured, "it's almost the same as if you had brought +them back to life. Oh, Roger, God bless you--you have not banished +papa; you have made him look as he asked us to remember him," and +her tender grief became uncontrollable for a few moments. + +"Don't cry so, Millie," he said gently. "Don't you see they are +smiling at you? Are the likenesses good?" + +"They are lifelike," she answered after a little. "How could you +get them so perfect?" + +"Belle and your mother gave me their pictures long ago, and you +remember that I once asked you for your father's likeness when I +was looking for him. There were some who could aid me if they knew +how he looked. Then you know my eye is rather correct, and I spent +a good deal of time with the artist. Between us we reached these +results, and it's a great happiness to me that they please you." + +Her eyes were eloquent indeed as she said, in a low tone: "What a +loyal friend you are!" + +He shook his head so significantly that a sudden crimson came +into her face, and she was glad that Mrs. Wheaton was busy in an +adjoining room. "Come," he said lightly, "you are neglecting other +friends;" and turning she saw fine photographs of Mr. Wentworth, +of Clara Wilson, Mrs. Wheaton, and her little brother and sister; +also oil portraits of Roger's relatives. + +She went and stood before each one, and at last returned to her +own kindred, and her eyes began to fill again. + +"How rich you are in these!" she at last said. "I have nothing but +little pictures." + +"These are yours, Millie. When you are ready for them I shall place +them on your walls myself." + +"Roger," she said a little brusquely, dashing the tears out of +her eyes, "don't do or say any more kind things to-night, or my +self-control will be all gone." + +"On the contrary, I shall ask you to do me a kindness. Please sit +down on this low chair by the fire. Then I can add the last and +best picture to this family gallery." + +She did so hesitatingly, and was provoked to find that her color +would rise as he leaned his elbow on the mantel and looked at her +intently. She could not meet his eyes, for there was a heart-hunger +in them that seemed to touch her very soul. "Oh," she thought, "why +doesn't he--why can't he get over it?" and her tears began to flow +so fast that he said lightly: + +"That will do, Millie. I won't have that chair moved. Perhaps you +think an incipient lawyer has no imagination, but I shall see you +there to-morrow night. Come away now from this room of shadows. +Your first visit to me has cost you so many tears that you will +not come again." + +"They are not bitter tears. It almost seems as if I had found the +treasures I had lost. So far from being saddened, I'm happier than +I've been since I lost them--at least I should be if I saw you +looking better. Roger, you are growing thin; you don't act like +your old self." + +"Well, I won't work late at night any longer if you don't wish me +to," he replied evasively. + +"Make me that promise," she pleaded eagerly. + +"Any promise, Millie." + +She wondered at the slight thrill with which her heart responded +to his low, deep tones. + +In the library she became a different girl. A strange buoyancy +gave animation to her eyes and a delicate color to her face. She +did not analyze her feelings. Her determination that Roger should +have a pleasant evening seemed to her sufficient to account for +the shining eyes she saw reflected in a mirror, and her sparkling +words. She praised his selection of authors, though adding, with +a comical look, "You are right in thinking I don't know much about +them. The binding is just to my taste, whatever may be the contents +of some of these ponderous tomes. There are a good many empty +shelves, Roger." + +"I don't intend to buy books by the cartload," he replied. "A +library should grow like the man who gathers it." + +"Roger," she said suddenly, "I think I see some fancy work that +I recognize. Yes, here is more." Then she darted back into the +sitting-room. In a moment she returned exclaiming, "I believe the +house is full of my work." + +"There is none of your work in the parlors, Millie." + +She ignored the implied reproach in words, but could not wholly in +manner. "So you and Mrs. Wentworth conspired against me, and you +got the better of me after all. You were my magnificent patron. +How could you look me in the face all those months? How could you +watch my busy fingers, looking meanwhile so innocent and indifferent +to my tasks? I used to steal some hours from sleep to make you +little gifts for your bachelor room. They were not fine enough for +your lordship, I suppose. Have you given them away?" + +"They are in my room upstairs. They are too sacred for use." + +"Who ever heard of such a sentimental brother!" she said, turning +abruptly away. + +Mrs. Wheaton was their companion now, and she soon gave the final +touches to a delicate little supper, which, with some choice flowers, +she had placed on the table. It was her purpose to wait upon them +with the utmost respect and deference, but Mildred drew her into +a chair, with a look that repaid the good soul a hundred times for +all the past. + +"Roger," she said gayly, "Mrs. Wheaton says you don't eat much. +You must make up for all the past this evening. I'm going to help +you, and don't you dare to leave anything." + +"Very well, I've made my will," he said, with a smiling nod. + +"Oh, don't talk that way. How much shall I give the delicate creature, +Mrs. Wheaton? Look here, Roger, you should not take your meals in +a library. You are living on books, and are beginning to look like +their half-starved authors." + +"You are right, Miss Millie. 'Alf the time ven I come to take havay +the thinks I finds 'im readin', and the wittles 'ardly touched." + +"Men are such foolish, helpless things!" the young girl protested, +shaking her head reprovingly at the offender. + +"I must have some company," he replied. + +"Nonsense," she cried, veiling her solicitude under a charming +petulance. "Roger, if you don't behave better, you'll be a fit +subject for a hospital." + +"If I can be sent to your ward I would ask nothing better," was +his quick response. + +Again she was provoked at her rising color, for his dark eyes glowed +with an unmistakable meaning. She changed the subject by saying, +"How many pretty, beautiful, and costly things you have gathered +in this room already! How comes it that you have been so fortunate +in your selections?" + +"The reason is simple. I have tried to follow your taste. We've +been around a great deal together, and I've always made a note of +what you admired." + +"Flatterer," she tried to say severely. + +"I wasn't flattering--only explaining." + +"Oh dear!" she thought, "this won't do at all. This homelike house +and his loneliness in it will make me ready for any folly. Dear +old fellow! I wish he wasn't so set, or rather I wish I were old +and wrinkled enough to keep house for him now." + +Conscious of a strange compassion and relenting, she hastened her +departure, first giving a wistful glance at the serene faces of +those so dear to her, who seemed to say, "Millie, we have found +the home of which you dreamed. Why are not you with us?" + +Although she had grown morbid in the conviction that she could not, +and indeed ought not to marry Roger, she walked home with him that +night with an odd little unrest in her heart, and an unexpected +discontent with the profession that heretofore had so fully satisfied +her with its promise of independence and usefulness. Having spent +an hour or two in her duties at the hospital, however, she laughed +at herself as one does when the world regains its ordinary and +prosaic hues after an absorbing day-dream. Then the hurry and bustle +of the few days preceding her graduation almost wholly occupied +her mind. + +A large and brilliant company was present in the evening on which +she received her diploma, for the Training School deservedly +excited the interest of the best and most philanthropic people in +the city. It was already recognized as the means of giving to women +one of the noblest and most useful careers in which they can engage. + +Mildred's fine appearance and excellent record drew to her much +attention, and many sought an introduction. Mr. Wentworth beamed +on her, and was eloquent on the credit she had brought to him. Old +Mr. Arnold and Mrs. Sheppard spoke to her so kindly and gratefully +that her eyes grew tearful. Mrs. Wheaton looked on exultantly as +the proudest and richest sought the acquaintance of the girl who +had so long been like her own child. + +But the first to reach and greet her when the formalities of the +evening were over was her old friend who had been Miss Wetheridge. +"We have just arrived from a long absence abroad," she exclaimed, +"and I'm glad and thankful to say that my husband's health is at +last restored. For the first year or two he was in such a critical +condition that I grew selfish in my absorption in his case, and +I neglected you--I neglected everybody and everything. Forgive +me, Mildred. I have not yet had time to ask your story from Mr. +Wentworth, but can see from the way he looks at you that you've +inflated him with exultation, and now I shall wait to hear all +from your own lips," and she made the girl promise to give her the +first hour she could spare. + +In spite of all the claims upon her time and attention, Mildred's +eyes often sought Roger's face, and as often were greeted with a +bright, smiling glance, for he had determined that nothing should +mar her pleasure on this evening. Once, however, when he thought +himself unobserved, she saw a look of weariness and dejection that +smote her heart. + +When the evening was quite well advanced she came to him and said, +"Won't you walk with me a little in this hallway, where we can be +somewhat by ourselves? It so happens that I must go on duty in a +few moments, and exchange this bright scene for a dim hospital ward; +but I love my calling, Roger, and never has it seemed so noble as +on this evening while listening to the physician who addressed us. +There is such a deep satisfaction in relieving pain and rescuing +life, or at least in trying to do so; and then one often has a +chance to say words that may bring lasting comfort. Although I am +without a home myself, you do not blame me that I am glad it is my +mission to aid in driving away shadows and fear from other homes?" + +"I am homeless, too, Millie." + +"You! in that beautiful house, with so many that you love looking +down upon you?" + +"Walls and furniture cannot make a home; neither can painted +shadows of those far away. I say, Millie, how sick must a fellow +be in order to have a trained nurse?" + +She turned a swift, anxious glance upon him. "Roger, tell me +honestly," she said, "are you well?" + +"I don't know," he replied, in a low tone; "I fear I'll make you +ashamed of me. I didn't mean to be so weak, but I'm all unstrung +to-night. I'm losing courage--losing zest in life. I seem to have +everything, and my friends consider me one of the luckiest of men. +But all I have oppresses me and makes me more lonely. When I was +sharing your sorrows and poverty, I was tenfold happier than I am +now. I live in a place haunted by ghosts, and everything in life +appears illusive. I feel to-night as if I were losing you. Your +professional duties will take you here and there, where I cannot +see you very often." + +"Roger, you trouble me greatly. You are not well at all, and your +extreme morbidness proves it." + +"I know it's very unmanly to cloud your bright evening, but my +depression has been growing so long and steadily that I can't seem +to control it any more. There, Millie, the lady superintendent is +looking for you. Don't worry. You medical and scientific people +know that it is nothing but a torpid liver. Perhaps I may be ill +enough to have a trained nurse. You see I am playing a deep game," +and with an attempt at a hearty laugh he said good-night, and she +was compelled to hasten away, but it was with a burdened, anxious +mind. + +A few moments later she entered on her duties in one of the surgical +wards, performing them accurately from habit, but mechanically, +for her thoughts were far absent. It seemed to her that she was +failing one who had never failed her, and her self-reproach and +disquietude grew stronger every moment. "After all he has been to +me, can I leave him to an unhappy life?" was the definite question +that now presented itself. At last, in a respite from her tasks, +she sat down and thought deeply. + +Roger, having placed Mrs. Wheaton in a carriage, was about to follow +on foot, when Mr. Wentworth claimed his attention for a time. At +last, after the majority of the guests had departed, he sallied +forth and walked listlessly in the frosty air that once had made +his step so quick and elastic. He had not gone very far before he +heard the sound of galloping horses, then the voices of women crying +for help. Turning back he saw a carriage coining toward him at +furious speed. A sudden recklessness was mingled with his impulse +to save those in extreme peril, and he rushed from the sidewalk, +sprang and caught with his whole weight the headgear of the horse +nearest to him. His impetuous onset combined with his weight checked +the animal somewhat, and before the other horse could drag him very +far, a policeman came to his aid, dealing a staggering blow behind +the beast's ear with his club, then catching the rein. + +Roger's right arm was so badly strained that it seemed to fail +him, and before he could get out of the way, the rearing horse he +was trying to hold struck him down and trampled upon him. He was +snatched out from under the iron-shod hoofs by the fast gathering +crowd, but found himself unable to rise. + +"Take me to Bellevue," he said decisively. + +The hospital was not far away, and yet before an ambulance could +reach him he felt very faint. + +Mildred sat in her little room that was partitioned off from the +ward. Her eyes were wide and earnest, but that which she saw was +not present to their vision. + +Suddenly there were four sharp strokes of the bell from the hospital +gate, and she started slightly out of her revery, for the imperative +summons indicated a surgical case which might come under her care. +There was something so absorbing in the character of her thoughts, +however, that she scarcely heeded the fact that an ambulance dashed +in, and that the form of a man was lifted out and carried into the +central office. She saw all this obscurely from her window, but such +scenes had become too familiar to check a deep current of thought. +When, a few moments later, the male orderly connected with the +ward entered and said, "Miss Jocelyn, I've been down and seen the +books, and accordin' to my reckonin' we'll have that case," she +sprang up with alacrity, and began assuring herself that every +appliance that might be needed was in readiness. "I'm glad I must +be busy," she murmured, "for I'm so bewildered by my thoughts and +impulses in Roger's behalf, that it's well I must banish them until +I can grow calm and learn what is right." + +The orderly was right, and the "case" just brought in was speedily +carried up on the elevator and borne toward the ward under her +charge. With the celerity of well-trained hands she had prepared +everything and directed that her new charge should be placed on a +cot near her room. She then advanced to learn the condition of the +injured man. After a single glance she sprang forward, crying, + +"Oh, merciful Heaven! it's Roger!" + +"You are acquainted with him then?" asked the surgeon who had +accompanied the ambulance, with much interest. + +"He's my brother--he's the best friend I have in the world. Oh, +be quick--here. Gently now. O God, grant his life! Oh, oh, he's +unconscious; his coat is soaked with blood--but his heart is beating. +He will, oh, he will live; will he not?" + +"Oh, yes, I think so, but the case was so serious that I followed. +You had better summon the surgeon in charge of this division, while +I and the orderly restore him to consciousness and prepare him for +treatment." + +Before he ceased speaking Mildred was far on her way to seek the +additional aid. + +When she returned Roger's sleeve had been removed, revealing +an ugly wound in the lower part of his left arm, cut by the cork +of a horseshoe, made long and sharp because of the iciness of the +streets. A tourniquet had been applied to the upper part of the +arm to prevent further hemorrhage, and under the administration of +stimulants he was giving signs of returning consciousness. + +The surgeon in charge of the division soon arrived, and every effort +of modern skill was made in the patient's behalf. Bottles of hot +water were placed around his chilled and blood-drained form, and +spirits were injected hypodermically into his system. The fair +young nurse stood a little in the background, trembling in her +intense anxiety, and yet so trained and disciplined that with the +precision of a veteran she could obey the slightest sign from the +attendant surgeons. "He never failed me," she thought; "and if +loving care can save his life he shall have it night and day." + +At last Roger knew her, and smiled contentedly; then closed his eyes +in almost mortal weariness and weakness. As far as he was able to +think at all, he scarcely cared whether he lived or died, since +Mildred was near him. + +The physicians, after as thorough examination as was possible, +and doing everything in their power, left him with hopeful words. +The most serious features in the case were his loss of blood and +consequent great exhaustion. The division surgeon said that the +chief danger lay in renewed hemorrhage, and should it occur he +must be sent for at once, and then he left the patient to Mildred's +care, with directions as to stimulants and nourishment. + +Mildred would not let Roger speak, and he lay in a dreamy, half-waking +condition of entire content. As she sat beside him holding his +hand, she was no longer in doubt. "My 'stupid old heart,' as Belle +called it, is awake at last," she thought. "Oh, how awful would +be my desolation if he should die! Now I know what he is to me. +I loved Vinton as a girl; I love Roger as a woman. Oh, how gladly +I'd take his place! What could I not sacrifice for him! Now I know +what he has suffered in his loneliness. I understand him at last. +I was hoping he would get over it--as if I could ever get over this! +He said he was losing his zest in life. Oh, what an intolerable +burden would his loss make of life for me! O God, spare him; surely +such love as this cannot be given to two human souls to be poured +out like water on the rock of a pitiless fate." + +"Millie," said Roger faintly, "your hand seems alive, and its +pulsations send little thrills direct to my heart. Were it not for +your hand I would think my body already dead." + +"Oh, Roger," she murmured, pressing her lips on his hand, "would +to God I could put my blood into your veins. Roger, dear beyond all +words, don't fail me, now that I need you as never before. Don't +speak, don't move. Just rest and gain. Hush, hush. Oh, be quiet! I +won't leave you until you are stronger, and I'll always be within +call." + +"I'll mind, Millie. I was never more contented in my life." + +Toward morning he seemed better and stronger, and she left him a +few moments to attend to some other duties. When she returned she +saw to her horror that hemorrhage had taken place, and that his +arm was bleeding rapidly. She sprang to his side, and with trained +skill pressed her fingers on the brachial artery, thus stopping +further loss of blood instantly. Then calling to the orderly, she +told him to lose not a second in summoning the surgeon. + +Roger looked up into her terror-stricken face, and said quietly, +"Millie, I'm not afraid to die. Indeed I half think it's best. I +couldn't go on in the old way much longer--" + +"Hush, hush," she whispered. + +"No," he said decisively, "my mission to you is finished. You will +be an angel of mercy all your days, but I find that after all my +ambitious dreams I'm but an ordinary man. You are stronger, nobler +than I am. You are a soldier that will never be defeated. You +think to save my life by holding an artery, but the wound that was +killing me is in my heart. I don't blame you, Millie--I'm weak--I'm +talking at random--" + +"Roger, Roger, I'm not a soldier. I am a weak, loving woman. I love +you with my whole heart and soul, and if you should not recover you +will blot the sun out of my sky. I now know what you are to me. I +knew it the moment I saw your unconscious face. Roger, I love you +now with a love like your own--only it must be greater, stronger, +deeper; I love you as a woman only can love. In mercy to me, rally +and live--LIVE!" + +He looked at her earnestly a moment, and then a glad smile lighted +up his face. + +"I'll live now," he said quietly. "I should be dead indeed did I +not respond to that appeal." + +The surgeon appeared speedily, and again took up and tied the +artery, giving stimulants liberally. Roger was soon sleeping with +a quietude and rest in his face that assured Mildred that her words +had brought balm and healing to a wound beyond the physician's +skill, and that he would recover. And he did gain hourly from the +time she gave him the hope for which he had so long and so patiently +waited. It must be admitted that he played the invalid somewhat, for +he was extremely reluctant to leave the hospital until the period +of Mildred's duties expired. + +A few months later, with Mrs. Heartwold--the Miss Wetheridge of +former days--by her side, she was driven to Roger's house--her home +now. The parlors were no longer empty, and she had furnished them +with her own refined and delicate taste. But not in the midst of +their beauty and spaciousness was she married. Mr. Wentworth stood +beneath the portraits of her kindred, and with their dear faces +smiling upon her she gave herself to Roger. Those she loved best +stood around her, and there was a peace and rest in her heart that +was beyond joy. + +When all were gone, Roger wheeled the low chair to its old place +beside the glowing fire, and said: + +"Millie, at last we both have a home. See how Belle is smiling at +us." + +"Dear sister Belle," Mildred murmured, "her words have come true. +She said, Roger, when I was fool enough to detest you, that you +'would win me yet,' and you have--all there is of me." + +Roger went and stood before the young girl's smiling face, saying +earnestly: + +"Dear little Belle, 'we SHALL have good times together yet,' or +else the human heart with its purest love and deepest yearning is +a lie." + +Then turning, he took his wife in his arms and said, "Millie darling, +we shall never be without a home again. Please God it shall be here +until we find the better home of Heaven." + + + + +APPENDIX + +Christian men and women of New York, you--not the shopkeepers--are +chiefly to blame for the barbarous practice of compelling women, +often but growing girls, to stand from morning until evening, and +often till late in the night. The supreme motive of the majority +of the men who enforce this inhuman regulation is to make money. +Some are kind-hearted enough to be very willing that their saleswomen +should sit down if their customers would tolerate the practice, and +others are so humane that they grant the privilege without saying, +By your leave, to their patrons. + +There is no doubt where the main responsibility should be placed +in this case. + +Were even the intoxicated drayman in charge of a shop, when sober +he would have sufficient sense not to take a course that would +drive from him the patronage of the "best and wealthiest people +in town." Upon no class could public opinion make itself felt more +completely and quickly than upon retail merchants. If the people had +the humanity to say, We will not buy a dime's worth at establishments +that insist upon a course at once so unnatural and cruel, the evil +would be remedied speedily. Employers declare that they maintain +the regulation because so many of their patrons require that the +saleswoman shall always be standing and ready to receive them. +It is difficult to accept this statement, but the truth that the +shops wherein the rule of standing is most rigorously enforced are +as well patronized as others is scarcely a less serious indictment, +and it is also a depressing proof of the strange apathy on the +question. + +No labored logic is needed to prove the inherent barbarity of the +practice. Let any man or woman--even the strongest--try to stand as +long as these frail, underfed girls are required to be upon their +feet, and he or she will have a demonstration that can never be +forgotten. In addition, consider the almost continual strain on +the mind in explaining about the goods and in recommending them, +in making out tickets of purchase correctly while knowing that +any errors will be charged against their slender earnings, or more +than made good by fines. What is worse, the organs of speech are +in almost constant exercise, and all this in the midst of more or +less confusion. The clergyman, the lecturer, is exhausted after an +hour of speech. Why are not their thunders directed against the +inhumanity of compelling women to spend ten or twelve hours of +speech upon their feet? The brutal drayman was arrested because he +was inflicting pain on a sentient being. Is not a woman a sentient +being? and is any one so ignorant of physiology as not to have some +comprehension of the evils which must result in most cases from +compelling women--often too young to be mature--to stand, under +the trying circumstances that have been described? + +An eminent physician in New York told me that ten out of twelve +must eventually lose their health; and a proprietor of one of the +shops admitted to me that the girls did suffer this irreparable loss, +and that it would be better for them if they went out to service. + +The fact that cashiers who sit all day suffer more than those who +stand proves nothing against the wrong of the latter practice. +It only shows that the imperative law of nature, especially for +the young, is change, variety. Why not accept the fact, and be as +considerate of the rights of women as of horses, dogs, and cats? +While making my investigations on this subject, I asked a gentleman +who was in charge of one of the largest retail shops in the city, +on what principle he dealt with this question. "On the principle of +humanity," he replied. "I have studied hygienic science, and know +that a woman can't stand continuously except at the cost of serious +ill-health." + +Later I asked the proprietor if he did not think that his humanity +was also the best business policy, for the reason that his employes +were in a better condition to attend to their duties. + +"No," he said; "on strict business principles I would require +constant standing; but this has no weight with me, in view of the +inhumanity of such a rule. If I had the room for it in the store, +I'd give all my employes a good slice of roast beef at noon; but +I have not, and therefore I give them plenty of time for a good +lunch." + +The manager of another establishment, which was furnished with +ample means of rest for the girls, said to me, "A man that compels +a girl to stand all day ought to be flogged." + +He also showed me a clean, comfortable place in the basement in +which the girls ate their lunches. It was supplied with a large +cooking-stove, with a woman in constant attendance. Each girl had +her own tea or coffee-pot, and time was given for a substantial and +wholesome meal. I would rather pay ten per cent more for goods at +such shops than to buy them at others where women are treated as +the cheapest kind of machines, that are easily replaced when broken +down. + +Granting, for the sake of argument, that customers may not be waited +on quite so promptly, and that the impression of a brisk business +may not be given if many of the girls are seated, these are not +sufficient reasons for inflicting torment on those who earn their +bread in shops. I do not and cannot believe, however, that the rule +is to the advantage of either employer or customer in the long run. +It is not common-sense that a girl, wearied almost beyond endurance, +and distracted by pain, can give that pleasant, thoughtful attention +to the purchaser which she could bestow were she in a normal +condition. At very slight expense the proprietors of large shops +could give all their employes a generous plate of soup and a cup +of good tea or coffee. Many bring meagre and unwholesome lunches; +more dine on cake, pastry, and confectionery. These ill-taught girls +are just as prone to sin against their bodies as the better-taught +children of the rich. If employers would give them something +substantial at midday, and furnish small bracket seats which could +be pulled out and pushed back within a second of time, they would +find their business sustained by a corps of comfortable, cheerful, +healthful employes; and such a humane, sensible policy certainly +ought to be sustained by all who have any sympathy with Mr. Bergh. + +The belief of many, that the majority of the girls are broken down +by dissipation, is as superficial as it is unjust. Undoubtedly, +many do carry their evening recreation to an injurious excess, and +some place themselves in the way of temptations which they have +not the strength to resist; but every physician knows that some +recreation, some relief from the monotony of their hard life, +is essential. Otherwise, they would grow morbid in mind as well +as enfeebled in body. The crying shame is that there are so few +places where these girls can go from their crowded tenement homes +and find innocent entertainment. Their dissipations are scarcely +more questionable, though not so elegantly veneered, as those of +the fashionable, nor are the moral and physical effects much worse. +But comparatively few would go to places of ill-repute could they +find harmless amusements suited to their intelligence and taste. +After much investigation, I am satisfied that in point of morals +the working-women of New York compare favorably with any class in +the world. To those who do not stand aloof and surmise evil, but +who acquaint themselves with the facts, it is a source of constant +wonder that in their hard and often desperate struggle for bread +they still maintain so high a standard. + +Tenement life with scanty income involves many shadows at best, +but in the name of manhood I protest against taking advantage of +the need of bread to inflict years of pain and premature death. +We all are involved in this wrong to the degree that we sustain +establishments from which a girl is discharged if she does not or +cannot obey a rule which it would be torture for us to keep. + +I shall be glad, indeed, if these words hasten by one hour the time +when from the temple of human industry all traders shall be driven +out who thrive on the agonies of girls as frail and impoverished +as Mildred Jocelyn. + +THE END + + + + + + + + + + +End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Without a Home, by E. P. 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Do not change or edit the +header without written permission. + +Please read the "legal small print," and other information about the +eBook and Project Gutenberg at the bottom of this file. Included is +important information about your specific rights and restrictions in +how the file may be used. You can also find out about how to make a +donation to Project Gutenberg, and how to get involved. + + +**Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** + +**eBooks Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** + +*****These eBooks Were Prepared By Thousands of Volunteers!***** + + +Title: Without a Home + +Author: E. P. Roe + +Release Date: April, 2004 [EBook #5433] +[Yes, we are more than one year ahead of schedule] +[This file was first posted on July 18, 2002] + +Edition: 10 + +Language: English + +Character set encoding: ASCII + +*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, WITHOUT A HOME *** + + + + +Charles Franks and the Online Distributed Proofreading Team. + + + +WITHOUT A HOME + +E. P. ROE + + +ILLUSTRATED + + + + + + +PREFACE + +Just ten years ago I took my first hesitating and dubious steps +toward authorship. My reception on the part of the public has been +so much kinder than I expected, and the audience that has listened +to my stories with each successive autumn has been so steadfast and +loyal, that I can scarcely be blamed for entertaining a warm and +growing regard for these unseen, unknown friends. Toward indifferent +strangers we maintain a natural reticence, but as acquaintance +ripens into friendship there is a mutual impulse toward an exchange +of confidences. In the many kind letters received I have gratefully +recognized this impulse in my readers, and am tempted by their +interest to be a little garrulous concerning my literary life, the +causes which led to it, and the methods of my work. Those who are +indifferent can easily skip these preliminary pages, and those who +are learning to care a little for the personality of him who has +come to them so often with the kindling of the autumn fires may +find some satisfaction in learning why he comes, and the motive, +the spirit with which, in a sense, he ventures to be present at +their hearths. + +One of the advantages of authorship is criticism; and I have never +had reason to complain of its absence. My only regret is that I +have not been able to make better use of it. I admit that both the +praise and blame have been rather bewildering, but this confusion +is undoubtedly due to a lack of the critical faculty. With one acute +gentleman, however, who remarked that it "was difficult to account +for the popularity of Mr. Roe's books," I am in hearty accord. I +fully share in his surprise and perplexity. It may be that we at +last have an instance of an effect without a cause. + +Ten years ago I had never written a line of a story, and had +scarcely entertained the thought of constructing one. The burning +of Chicago impressed me powerfully, and obedient to an impulse I +spent several days among its smoking ruins. As a result, my first +novel, "Barriers Burned Away," gradually took possession of my mind. +I did not manufacture the story at all, for it grew as naturally +as do the plants--weeds, some may suggest--on my farm. In the +intervals of a busy and practical life, and also when I ought to +have been sleeping, my imagination, unspurred, and almost undirected, +spun the warp and woof of the tale, and wove them together. At first +I supposed it would be but a brief story, which might speedily find +its way into my own waste-basket, and I was on the point of burning +it more than once. One wintry afternoon I read the few chapters then +written to a friend in whose literary taste I had much confidence, +and had her verdict been adverse they probably would have perished +as surely as a callow germ exposed to the bitter storm then raging +without. I am not sure, however, but that the impulse to write would +have carried me forward, and that I would have found ample return +for all the labor in the free play of my fancy, even though editors +and publishers scoffed at the result. + +On a subsequent winter afternoon the incipient story passed through +another peril. In the office of "The New York Evangelist" I read +the first eight chapters of my blotted manuscript to Dr. Field +and his associate editor, Mr. J. H. Dey. This fragment was all that +then existed, and as I stumbled through my rather blind chirography +I often looked askance at the glowing grate, fearing lest my friends +in kindness would suggest that I should drop the crude production +on the coals, where it could do neither me nor any one else further +harm, and then go out into the world once more clothed in my right +mind. A heavy responsibility rests on the gentlemen named, for they +asked me to leave the manuscript for serial issue. From that hour +I suppose I should date the beginning of my life of authorship. +The story grew from eight into fifty-two chapters, and ran just +one year in the paper, my manuscript often being ready but a few +pages in advance of publication. I wrote no outline for my guidance; +I merely let the characters do as they pleased, and work out their +own destiny. I had no preparation for my work beyond a careful +study of the topography of Chicago and the incidents of the fire. +For nearly a year my chief recreation was to dwell apart among the +shadows created by my fancy, and I wrote when and where I could--on +steamboats and railroad cars, as well as in my study. In spite of +my fears the serial found readers, and at last I obtained a publisher. +When the book appeared I suppose I looked upon it much as a young +father looks upon his first child. His interest in it is intense, +but he knows well that its future is very doubtful. + +It appears to me, however, that the true impulse toward authorship +does not arise from a desire to please any one, but rather from a +strong consciousness of something definite to say, whether people +will listen or not. I can honestly assert that I have never +manufactured a novel, and should I do so I am sure it would be +so wooden and lifeless that no one would read it. My stories have +come with scarcely any volition on my part, and their characters +control me. If I should move them about like images they would be +but images. In every book they often acted in a manner just the +opposite from that which I had planned. Moreover, there are unwritten +stories in my mind, the characters of which are becoming almost +as real as the people I meet daily. While composing narratives I +forget everything and live in an ideal world, which nevertheless +is real for the time. The fortunes of the characters affect me +deeply, and I truly believe that only as I feel strongly will the +reader be interested. A book, like a bullet, can go only as far as +the projecting force carries it. + +The final tests of all literary and art work are an intelligent +public and time. We may hope, dream, and claim what we please, +but these two tribunals will settle all values; therefore the only +thing for an author or artist to do is to express his own individuality +clearly and honestly, and submit patiently and deferentially to +these tests. In nature the lichen has its place as truly as the +oak. + +I will say but a few words in regard to the story contained in this +volume. It was announced two years ago, but I found that I could +not complete it satisfactorily. In its present form it has been +almost wholly recast, and much broadened in its scope. It touches +upon several modern and very difficult problems. I have not in the +remotest degree attempted to solve them, but rather have sought +to direct attention to them. In our society public opinion is +exceedingly powerful. It is the torrent that sweeps away obstructing +evils. The cleansing tide is composed originally of many rills and +streamlets, and it is my hope that this volume may add a little to +that which at last is irresistible. + +I can say with sincerity that I have made my studies carefully and +patiently, and when dealing with practical phases of city life I +have evolved very little from my own inner consciousness. I have +visited scores of typical tenements; I have sat day after day on the +bench with the police judges, and have visited the station-houses +repeatedly. There are few large retail shops that I have not +entered many times, and I have conversed with both the employers +and employes. It is a shameful fact that, in the face of a plain +statute forbidding the barbarous regulation, saleswomen are still +compelled to stand continuously in many of the stores. On the +intensely hot day when our murdered President was brought from +Washington to the sea-side, I found many girls standing wearily +and uselessly because of this inhuman rule. There was no provision +for their occasional rest. Not for a thousand dollars would I have +incurred the risk and torture of standing through that sultry day. +There are plenty of shops in the city which are now managed on +the principles of humanity, and such patronage should be given to +these and withdrawn from the others as would teach the proprietors +that women are entitled to a little of the consideration that is so +justly associated with the work of the Society for the Prevention +of Cruelty to Animals. Mr. Bergh deserves praise for protecting +even a cat from cruelty; but all the cats in the city unitedly +could not suffer as much as the slight growing girl who must stand +during a long hot day. I trust the reader will note carefully the +Appendix at the close of this book. + +It will soon be discovered that the modern opium or morphia habit +has a large place in this volume. While I have tried to avoid the +style of a medical treatise, which would be in poor taste in a work +of fiction, I have carefully consulted the best medical works and +authorities on the subject, and I have conversed with many opium +slaves in all stages of the habit. I am sure I am right in fearing +that in the morphia hunger and consumption one of the greatest +evils of the future is looming darkly above the horizon of society. +Warnings against this poison of body and soul cannot be too solemn +or too strong. + +So many have aided me in the collection of my material that any +mention of names may appear almost invidious; but as the reader +will naturally think that the varied phases of the opium habit are +remote from my experience, I will say that I have been guided in +my words by trustworthy physicians like Drs. E. P. Fowler, of New +York; Louis Seaman, chief of staff at the Charity Hospital; Wm. +H. Vail, and many others. I have also read such parts of my MS. +as touched on this subject to Dr. H. K. Kane, the author of two +works on the morphia habit. + +This novel appeared as a serial in the "Congregationalist" of Boston, +and my acknowledgments are due to the editors and publishers of +this journal for their confidence in taking the story before it +was written and for their uniform courtesy. + +I can truly say that I have bestowed more labor on this book than +upon any which have preceded it; for the favor accorded me by the +public imposes the strongest obligation to be conscientious in my +work. + + + + +CONTENTS + +I. ONE GIRL'S IDEAL OF LIFE + +II. WEAKNESS + +III. CONFIDENTIAL + +IV. "PITILESS WAVES" + +V. THE RUDIMENTS OF A MAN + +VI. ROGER DISCOVERS A NEW TYPE + +VII. COMPARISONS + +VIII. CHANGES + +IX. NEITHER BOY NOR MAN + +X. A COUNCIL + +XI. A SHADOW + +XII. VIEWLESS FETTERS + +XIII. A SCENE BENEATH THE HEMLOCKS + +XIV. THE OLD MANSION + +XV. "WELCOME HOME" + +XVI. BELLE AND MILDRED + +XVII. BELLE LAUNCHES HERSELF + +XVIII. "I BELIEVE IN YOU" + +XIX. BELLE JARS THE "SYSTEM" + +XX. SEVERAL QUIET FORCES AT WORK + +XXI. "HE'S A MAN" + +XXII. SKILLED LABOR + +XXIII. THE OLD ASTRONOMER + +XXIV. ROGER REAPPEARS + +XXV. THE DARK SHADOW OF COMING EVENTS + +XXVI. WAXING AND WANING MANHOOD + +XXVII. A SLAVE + +XXVIII. NEW YORK'S HUMANITY + +XXIX. THE BEATITUDES OF OPIUM + +XXX. THE SECRET VICE REVEALED + +XXXI. AN OPIUM MANIAC'S CHRISTMAS + +XXXII. A BLACK CONSPIRACY + +XXXIII. MILDRED IN A PRISON CELL + +XXXIV. "A WISE JUDGE" + +XXXV. "I AM SO PERPLEXED" + +XXXVI. A WOMAN'S HEART + +XXXVII. STRONG TEMPTATION + +XXXVIII. NO "DARK CORNERS" + +XXXIX. "HOME, SWEET HOME" + +XL. NEIGHBORS + +XLI. GLINTS OF SUNSHINE + +XLII. HOPES GIVEN AND SLAIN + +XLIII. WAS BELLE MURDERED + +XLIV. THE FINAL CONSOLATIONS OF OPIUM + +XLV. MOTHER AND SON + +XLVI. A FATAL ERROR + +XLVII. LIGHT AT EVENTIDE + +XLVIII. "GOOD ANGEL OF GOD" + +XLIX. HOME + +APPENDIX + + + + +WITHOUT A HOME + + + + +CHAPTER I + +ONE GIRL'S IDEAL OF LIFE + + +It was an attractive picture that Martin Jocelyn looked upon +through the open doorway of his parlor. His lively daughter Belle +had invited half a score of her schoolmates to spend the evening, +and a few privileged brothers had been permitted to come also. The +young people were naturally selecting those dances which had some +of the characteristics of a romp, for they were at an age when +motion means enjoyment. + +Miss Belle, eager and mettlesome, stood waiting for music that +could scarcely be lighter or more devoid of moral quality than her +own immature heart. Life, at that time, had for her but one great +desideratum--fun; and with her especial favorites about her, with +a careful selection of "nice brothers," canvassed with many pros +and cons over neglected French exercises, she had the promise +of plenty of it for a long evening, and her dark eyes glowed and +cheeks flamed at the prospect. Impatiently tapping the floor with +her foot, she looked toward her sister, who was seated at the piano. + +Mildred Jocelyn knew that all were waiting for her; she instinctively +felt the impatience she did not see, and yet could not resist +listening to some honeyed nonsense that her "friend" was saying. +Ostensibly, Vinton Arnold was at her side to turn the leaves of +the music, but in reality to feast his eyes on beauty which daily +bound him in stronger chains of fascination. Her head drooped under +his words, but only as the flowers bend under the dew and rain that +give them life. His passing compliment was a trifle, but it seemed +like the delicate touch to which the subtle electric current +responds. From a credulous, joyous heart a crimson tide welled up +into her face and neck; she could not repress a smile, though she +bowed her head in girlish shame to hide it. Then, as if the light, +gay music before her had become the natural expression of her mood, +she struck into it with a brilliancy and life that gave even Belle +content. + +Arnold saw the pleasure his remark had given, and surmised the +reason why the effect was so much greater than the apparent cause. +For a moment an answering glow lighted up his pale face, and then, +as if remembering something, he sighed deeply; but in the merry +life which now filled the apartments a sigh stood little chance of +recognition. + +The sigh of the master of the house, however, was so deep and his +face so clouded with care and anxiety as he turned from it all, +that his wife, who at that moment met him, was compelled to note +that something was amiss. + +"Martin, what is it?" she asked. + +He looked for a moment into her troubled blue eyes, and noted how +fair, delicate, and girlish she still appeared in her evening dress. +He knew also that the delicacy and refinement of feature were but +the reflex of her nature, and, for the first time in his life, he +wished that she were a strong, coarse woman. + +"No matter, Fanny, to-night. See that the youngsters have a good +time," and he passed hastily out. + +"He's worrying about those stupid business matters again," she +said, and the thought seemed to give much relief. + +Business matters were masculine, and she was essentially feminine. +Her world was as far removed from finance as her laces from the +iron in which her husband dealt. + +A little boy of four years of age and a little girl of six, whose +tiny form was draped in such gossamer-like fabrics that she seemed +more fairy-like than human, were pulling at her dress, eager to enter +the mirth-resounding parlors, but afraid to leave her sheltering +wing. Mrs. Jocelyn watched the scene from the doorway, where her +husband had stood, without his sigh. Her motherly heart sympathized +with Belle's abounding life and fun, and her maternal pride +was assured by the budding promise of a beauty which would shine +pre-eminent when the school-girl should become a belle in very +truth. + +But her eyes rested on Mildred with wistful tenderness. Her own +experience enabled her to interpret her daughter's manner, and to +understand the ebb and flow of feeling whose cause, as yet, was +scarcely recognized by the young girl. + +The geniality of Mrs. Jocelyn's smile might well assure Vinton +Arnold that she welcomed his presence at her daughter's side, and +yet, for some reason, the frank, cordial greeting in the lady's +eyes and manner made him sigh again. He evidently harbored a memory +or a thought that did not accord with the scene or the occasion. +Whatever it was it did not prevent him from enjoying to the utmost +the pleasure he ever found in the presence of Mildred. In contrast +with Belle she had her mother's fairness and delicacy of feature, +and her blue eyes were not designed to express the exultation +and pride of one of society's flattered favorites. Indeed it was +already evident that a glance from Arnold was worth more than the +world's homage. And yet it was comically pathetic--as it ever is--to +see how the girl tried to hide the "abundance of her heart." + +"Millie is myself right over again," thought Mrs. Jocelyn; "hardly +in society before in a fair way to be out of it. Beaux in general +have few attractions for her. Belle, however, will lead the young +men a chase. If I'm any judge, Mr. Arnold's symptoms are becoming +serious. He's just the one of all the world for Millie, and could +give her the home which her style of beauty requires--a home in +which not a common or coarse thing would be visible, but all as +dainty as herself. How I would like to furnish her house! But Martin +always thinks he's so poor." + +Mrs. Jocelyn soon left the parlor to complete her arrangements for +an elegant little supper, and she complacently felt that, whatever +might be the tribulations of the great iron firm down town, her small +domain was serene with present happiness and bright with promise. + +While the vigorous appetites of the growing boys and girls were +disposing of the supper, Arnold and Mildred rather neglected their +plates, finding ambrosia in each other's eyes, words, and even +intonations. Now that they had the deserted parlor to themselves, +Mildred seemed under less constraint. + +"It was very nice of you," she said, "to come and help me entertain +Belle's friends, especially when they are all so young." + +"Yes," he replied. "I am a happy monument of self-sacrifice." + +"But not a brazen one," she added quickly. + +"No, nor a bronze one, either," he said, and a sudden gloom gathered +in his large dark eyes. + +She had always admired the pallor of his face. "It set off his +superb brown eyes and heavy mustache so finely," she was accustomed +to say. But this evening for some reason she wished that there was +a little more bronze on his cheek and decision in his manner. His +aristocratic pallor was a trifle too great, and he seemed a little +frail to satisfy even her ideal of manhood. + +She said, in gentle solicitude, "You do not look well this spring. +I fear you are not very strong." + +He glanced at her quickly, but in her kindly blue eyes and in every +line of her lovely face he saw only friendly regard--perhaps more, +for her features were not designed for disguises. After a moment +he replied, with a quiet bitterness which both pained and mystified +her: + +"You are right. I am not strong." + +"But summer is near," she resumed earnestly. "You will soon go to +the country, and will bring back this fall bronze in plenty, and +the strength of bronze. Mother says we shall go to Saratoga. That +is one of your favorite haunts, I believe, so I shall have the +pleasure, perhaps, of drinking 'your very good health' some bright +morning before breakfast. Which is your favorite spring?" + +"I do not know. I will decide after I have learned your choice." + +"That's an amiable weakness. I think I shall like Saratoga. The +great hotels contain all one wishes for amusement. Then everything +about town is so nice, pretty, and sociable. The shops, also, +are fine. Too often we have spent our summers in places that were +a trifle dreary. Mountains oppress me with a sense of littleness, +and their wildness frightens me. The ocean is worse still. The +moment I am alone with it, such a lonely, desolate feeling creeps +over me--oh, I can't tell you! I fear you think I am silly and +frivolous. You think I ought to be inspired by the shaggy mountains +and wild waves and all that. Well, you may think so--I won't +tell fibs. I don't think mother is frivolous, and she feels as I +do. We are from the South, and like things that are warm, bright, +and sociable. The ocean always seemed to me so large and cold and +pitiless--to care so little for those in its power." + +"In that respect it's like the world, or rather the people in it--" + +"Oh, no, no!" she interrupted eagerly; "it is to the world of +people I am glad to escape from these solitudes of nature. As I +said, the latter, with their vastness, power, and, worse than all, +their indifference, oppress me, and make me shiver with a vague +dread. I once saw a ship beaten to pieces by the waves in a storm. +It was on the coast near where we were spending the summer. Some +of the people on the vessel were drowned, and their cries ring in +my ears to this day. Oh, it was piteous to see them reaching out +their hands, but the great merciless waves would not stop a moment, +even when a little time would have given the lifeboats a chance to +save the poor creatures. The breakers just struck and pounded the +ship until it broke into pieces, and then tossed the lifeless body +and broken wood on the shore as if one were of no more value than +the other. I can't think of it without shuddering, and I've hated +the sea ever since, and never wish to go near it again." + +"You have unconsciously described this Christian city," said Arnold, +with a short laugh. + +"What a cynic you are to-night! You condemn all the world, and +find fault even with yourself--a rare thing in cynics, I imagine. +As a rule they are right, and the universe wrong." + +"I have not found any fault with you," he said, in a tone that caused +her long eyelashes to veil the pleasure she could not wholly conceal. + +"I hope the self-constraint imposed by your courtesy is not +too severe for comfort. I also understand the little fiction of +excepting present company. But I cannot help remembering that I am +a wee bit of the world and very worldly; that is, I am very fond +of the world and all its pretty follies. I like nice people much +better than savage mountains and heartless waves." + +"And yet you are not what I should call a society girl, Miss Millie." + +"I'm glad you think so. I've no wish to win that character. +Fashionable society seems to me like the sea, as restless and +unreasoning, always on the go, and yet never going anywhere. I know +lots of girls who go here and there and do this and that with the +monotony with which the waves roll in and out. Half the time they +act contrary to their wishes and feelings, but they imagine it the +thing to do, and they do it till they are tired and bored half to +death." + +"What, then, is your ideal of life?" + +Her head drooped a little lower, and the tell-tale color would come +as she replied hesitatingly, and with a slight deprecatory laugh: + +"Well, I can't say I've thought it out very definitely. Plenty of +real friends seem to me better than the world's stare, even though +there's a trace of admiration in it Then, again, you men so monopolize +the world that there is not much left for us poor women to do; but +I have imagined that to create a lovely home, and to gather in it +all the beauty within one's reach, and just the people one best liked, +would be a very congenial life-work for some women. That is what +mother is doing for us, and she seems very happy and contented--much +more so than those ladies who seek their pleasures beyond their +homes. You see I use my eyes, Mr. Arnold, even if I am not antiquated +enough to be wise." + +His look had grown so wistful and intent that she could not meet +it, but averted her face as she spoke. Suddenly he sprang up, and +took her hand with a pressure all too strong for the "friend" she +called him, as he said: + +"Miss Millie, you are one of a thousand. Good-night." + +For a few moments she sat where he left her. What did he mean? +Had she revealed her heart too plainly? His manner surely had been +unmistakable, and no woman could have doubted the language of his +eyes. + +"But some constraint," she sighed, "ties his tongue." + +The more she thought it over, however--and what young girl does +not live over such interviews a hundred times--the more convinced +she became that her favorite among the many who sought her favor +gave as much to her as she to him; and she was shrewd enough +to understand that the nearer two people exchange evenly in these +matters the better it is for both. Her last thought that night was, +"To make a home for him would be happiness indeed. How much life +promises me!" + + + + +CHAPTER II + +WEAKNESS + + +Vinton Arnold's walk down Fifth Avenue was so rapid as to indicate +strong perturbation. At last he entered a large house of square, +heavy architecture, a creation evidently of solid wealth in the +earlier days of the thoroughfare's history. There was something +in his step as he crossed the marble hall to the hat-rack and then +went up the stairway that caused his mother to pass quickly from +her sitting-room that she might intercept him. After a moment's +scrutiny she said, in a low, hard tone: + +"You have spent the evening with Miss Jocelyn again." + +He made no reply. + +"Are you a man of honor?" + +His pallid face crimsoned instantly, and his hands clenched with +repressed feeling, but he still remained silent. Neither did he +appear to have the power to meet his mother's cold, penetrating +glance. + +"It would seem," she resumed, in the same quiet, incisive tone, +"that my former suggestions have been unheeded. I fear that I must +speak more plainly. You will please come with me for a few moments." + +With evident reluctance he followed her to a small apartment, furnished +richly, but with the taste and elegance of a past generation. He had +become very pale again, but his face wore the impress of pain and +irresolution rather than of sullen defiance or of manly independence. +The hardness of the gold that had been accumulating in the family +for generations had seemingly permeated the mother's heart, for the +expression of her son's face softened neither her tone nor manner. +And yet not for a moment could she be made to think of herself +as cruel, or even stern. She was simply firm and sensible in the +performance of her duty. She was but maintaining the traditional +policy of the family, and was conscious that society would thoroughly +approve of her course. Chief of all, she sincerely believed that +she was promoting her son's welfare, but she had not Mrs. Jocelyn's +gentle ways of manifesting solicitude. + +After a moment of oppressive silence, she began: + +"Perhaps I can best present this issue in its true light by again +asking, Are you a man of honor?" + +"Is it dishonorable," answered her son irritably, "to love a pure, +good girl?" + +"No," said his mother, in the same quiet, measured voice; "but it +may be very great folly and a useless waste. It is dishonorable, +however, to inspire false hopes in a girl's heart, no matter who +she is. It is weak and dishonorable to hover around a pretty face +like a poor moth that singes its wings." + +In sudden, passionate appeal, he exclaimed, "If I can win Miss +Jocelyn, why cannot I marry her? She is as good as she is beautiful. +If you knew her as I do you would be proud to call her your daughter. +They live very prettily, even elegantly--" + +By a simple, deprecatory gesture Mrs. Arnold made her son feel that +it was useless to add another word. + +"Vinton," she said, "a little reason in these matters is better +than an indefinite amount of sentimental nonsense. You are now +old enough to be swayed by reason, and not to fume and fret after +the impossible like a child. Neither your father nor I have acted +hastily in this matter. It was a great trial to discover that +you had allowed your fancy to become entangled below the circle +in which it is your privilege to move, and I am thankful that my +other children have been more considerate. In a quiet, unobtrusive +way we have taken pains to learn all about the Jocelyns. They are +comparative strangers in the city. Mr. Jocelyn is merely a junior +partner in a large iron firm, and from all your father says I fear +he has lived too elegantly for his means. That matter will soon +be tested, however, for his firm is in trouble and will probably +have to suspend. With your health, and in the face of the fierce +competition in this city, are you able to marry and support a +penniless girl? If, on the contrary, you propose to support a wife +on the property that now belongs to your father and myself, our +wishes should have some weight. I tell you frankly that our means, +though large, are not sufficient to make you all independent and +maintain the style to which you have been accustomed. With your +frail health and need of exemption from care and toil, you must +marry wealth. Your father is well satisfied that whoever allies +himself to this Jocelyn family may soon have them all on his hands +to support. We decline the risk of burdening ourselves with these +unknown, uncongenial people. Is there anything unreasonable in that? +Because you are fascinated by a pretty face, of which there are +thousands in this city, must we be forced into intimate associations +with people that are wholly distasteful to us? This would be a +poor return for having shielded you so carefully through years of +ill health and feebleness." + +The young man's head drooped lower and lower as his mother spoke, +and his whole air was one of utter despondency. She waited for his +reply, but for a few moments he did not speak. Suddenly he looked +up, with a reckless, characteristic laugh, and said: + +"The Spartans were right in destroying the feeble children. Since +I am under such obligations, I cannot resist your logic, and I +admit that it would be poor taste on my part to ask you to support +for me a wife not of your choosing." + +"'Good taste' at least should have prevented such a remark. You can +choose for yourself from a score of fine girls of your own station +in rank and wealth." + +"Pardon me, but I would rather not inflict my weakness on any of +the score." + +"But you would inflict it on one weak in social position and without +any means of support." + +"She is the one girl that I have met with who seemed both gentle +and strong, and whose tastes harmonize with my own. But you don't +know her, and never will. You have only learned external facts about +the Jocelyns, and out of your prejudices have created a family of +underbred people that does not exist. Their crime of comparative +poverty I cannot dispute. I have not made the prudential inquiries +which you and father have gone into so carefully. But your logic +is inexorable. As you suggest, I could not earn enough myself to +provide a wife with hairpins. The slight considerations of happiness, +and the fact that Miss Jocelyn might aid me in becoming something +more than a shadow among men, are not to be urged against the solid +reasons you have named." + +"Young people always give a tragic aspect to these crude passing +fancies. I have known 'blighted happiness' to bud and blossom again +so often that you must pardon me if I act rather on the ground of +experience and good sense. An unsuitable alliance may bring brief +gratification and pleasure, but never happiness, never lasting and +solid content." + +"Well, mother, I am not strong enough to argue with you, either in +the abstract or as to these 'wise saws' which so mangle my wretched +self," and with the air of one exhausted and defeated he languidly +went to his room. + +Mrs. Arnold frowned as she muttered, "He makes no promise to cease +visiting the girl." After a moment she added, even more bitterly, +"I doubt whether he could keep such a promise; therefore my will +must supply his lack of decision;" and she certainly appeared +capable of making good this deficiency in several human atoms. + +If she could have imparted some of her firmness and resolution to +Martin Jocelyn, they would have been among the most useful gifts +a man ever received. As the stanchness of a ship is tested by the +storm, so a crisis in his experience was approaching which would +test his courage, his fortitude, and the general soundness of his +manhood. Alas! the test would find him wanting. That night, for the +first time in his life, he came home with a step a trifle unsteady. +Innocent Mrs. Jocelyn did not note that anything was amiss. She +was busy putting her home into its usual pretty order after the +breezy, gusty evening always occasioned by one of Belle's informal +companies. She observed that her husband had recovered more than +his wonted cheerfulness, and seemed indeed as gay as Belle herself. +Lounging on a sofa, he laughed at his wife and petted her more +than usual, assuring her that her step was as light, and that she +still looked as young and pretty as any of the girls who had tripped +through the parlors that evening. + +The trusting, happy wife grew so rosy with pleasure, and her tread +was so elastic from maternal pride and exultation at the prospects +of her daughters, that his compliments seemed scarcely exaggerated. + +"Never fear, Nan," he said, in a gush of feeling; "I'll take care +of you whatever happens," and the glad smile she turned upon him +proved that she doubted his words no more than her own existence. + +They were eminently proper words for a husband to address to his +wife, but the circumstances under which they were uttered made +them maudlin sentiment rather than a manly pledge. As spoken, they +were so ominous that the loving woman might well have trembled and +lost her girlish flush. But even through the lurid hopes and vague +prospects created by dangerous stimulants, Mr. Jocelyn saw, dimly, +the spectre of coming trouble, and he added: + +"But, Nan, we must economize--we really must." + +"Foolish man!" laughed his wife; "always preaching economy, but +never practicing it." + +"Would to God I had millions to lavish on you!" he exclaimed, with +tears of mawkish feeling and honest affection mingled as they never +should in a true man's eyes. + +"Lavish your love, Martin," replied the wife, "and I'll be content." + +That night she laid her head upon her pillow without misgiving. + +Mrs. Jocelyn was the daughter of a Southern planter, and in her +early home had been accustomed to a condition of chronic financial +embarrassment and easy-going, careless abundance. The war had swept +away her father and brothers with the last remnant of the mortgaged +property. + +Young Jocelyn's antecedents had been somewhat similar, and they +had married much as the birds pair, without knowing very definitely +where or how the home nest would be constructed. He, however, +had secured a good education, and was endowed with fair business +capacities. He was thus enabled for a brief time before the war +to provide a comfortable support in a Southern city for his wife +and little daughter Mildred, and the fact that he was a gentleman +by birth and breeding gave him better social advantages than mere +wealth could have obtained. At the beginning of the struggle he was +given a commission in the Confederate army, but with the exception +of a few slight scratches and many hardships escaped unharmed. After +the conflict was over, the ex-officer came to the North, against +which he had so bravely and zealously fought, and was pleased to +find that there was no prejudice worth naming against him on this +account. His good record enabled him to obtain a position in a large +iron warehouse, and in consideration of his ability to control a +certain amount of Southern trade he was eventually given an interest +in the business. This apparent advancement induced him to believe +that he might safely rent, in one of the many cross-streets up town, +the pretty home in which we find him. The fact that their expenses +had always a little more than kept pace with their income did not +trouble Mrs. Jocelyn, for she had been accustomed to an annual +deficit from childhood. Some way had always been provided, and +she had a sort of blind faith that some way always would be. Mr. +Jocelyn also had fallen into rather soldier-like ways, and after +being so free with Confederate scrip, with difficulty learned the +value of paper money of a different color. + +Moreover, in addition to a certain lack of foresight and frugal +prudence, bred by army life and Southern open-heartedness, he +cherished a secret habit which rendered a wise, steadily maintained +policy of thrift wellnigh impossible. About two years before the +opening of our story he had been the victim of a painful disease, +the evil effects of which did not speedily pass away. For several +weeks of this period, to quiet the pain, he was given morphia powders; +their effects were so agreeable that they were not discontinued +after the physician ceased to prescribe them. The subtle stimulant +not only banished the lingering traces of suffering, but enabled +him to resume the routine of business with comparative ease much +sooner than he had expected. Thus he gradually drifted into the +habitual use of morphia, taking it as a panacea for every ill. Had +he a toothache, a rheumatic or neuralgic twinge, the drug quieted +the pain. Was he despondent from any cause, or annoyed by some +untoward event, a small white powder soon brought hopefulness +and serenity. When emergencies occurred which promised to tax his +mental and physical powers, opium appeared to give a clearness and +elasticity of mind and a bodily vigor that was almost magical, and +he availed himself of the deceptive potency more and more often. + +The morbid craving which the drug inevitably engenders at last +demanded a daily supply. For months he employed it in moderate +quantities, using it as thousands do quinine, wine, or other +stimulants, without giving much thought to the matter, sincerely +intending, however, to shake off the habit as soon as he felt a +little stronger and was more free from business cares. Still, as the +employment of the stimulant grew into a habit, he became somewhat +ashamed of it, and maintained his indulgence with increasing +secrecy--a characteristic rarely absent from this vice. + +Thus it can be understood that his mind had ceased to possess +the natural poise which would enable him to manage his affairs in +accordance with some wisely matured system of expenditure. In times +of depression he would demand the most rigid economy, and again he +would seem careless and indifferent and preoccupied. This financial +vacillation was precisely what his wife had been accustomed to in +her early home, and she thoughtlessly took her way without much +regard to it. He also had little power of saying No to his gentle +wife, and an appealing look from her blue eyes would settle every +question of economy the wrong way. Next year they would be more +prudent; at present, however, there were some things that it would +be very nice to have or to do. + +But, alas, Mrs. Jocelyn had decided that, for Mildred's sake, the +coming summer must be spent at Saratoga. In vain her husband had +told her that he did not see how it was possible. She would reply, + +"Now, Martin, be reasonable. You know Mr. Arnold spends his summers +there. Would you spoil Millie's chances of making one of the best +matches in the city?" + +He would shrug his shoulders and wonder where the money was to +come from. Meanwhile he knew that his partners were anxious. They +had been strong, and had endured the evil times for years without +wavering, but now were compelled to obtain a credit more and more +extended, in the hope of tiding themselves over the long period of +depression. + +This increasing business stagnation occasioned a deepening anxiety +to her husband and a larger resort to his sustaining stimulant. +While he had no sense of danger worth naming, he grew somewhat +worried by his dependence on the drug, and it was his honest purpose +to gradually abandon it as soon as the financial pressure lifted +and he could breathe freely in the safety of renewed commercial +prosperity. Thus the weeks and months slipped by, finding him more +completely involved in the films of an evil web, and more intent +than ever upon hiding the fact from every one, especially his wife +and children. + +He had returned on the evening of Belle's company, with fears for +the worst. The scene in his pretty and happy home, in contrast with +the bitter experiences that might be near at hand, so oppressed +him with foreboding and trouble that he went out and weakly sought +temporary respite and courage in a larger amount of morphia than +he had ever yet taken. + +While off his guard from the resulting exaltation, he met a business +acquaintance and was led by him to indulge in wine also, with the +results already narrated. + + + + +CHAPTER III + +CONFIDENTIAL + + +Martin Jocelyn awoke with a shiver. He did not remember that he +had been dreaming, but a dull pain in his head and a foreboding +of heart had at last so asserted themselves as to banish the +unconsciousness of sleep. His prospects had even a more sombre hue +than the cold gray of the morning. All the false prismatic colors +of the previous evening had faded, and no serene, steady light had +taken their place. The forced elation was followed--as is ever the +case--by a deeper despondency. The face of his sleeping wife was so +peaceful, so expressive of her utter unconsciousness of impending +disaster, that he could not endure its sight. He felt himself to +be in no condition to meet her waking eyes and explain the cause +of his fears. A sense of shame that he had been so weak the evening +before also oppressed him, and he yielded to the impulse to gain +a day before meeting her trusting or questioning gaze. Something +might occur which would give a better aspect to his affairs, and +at any rate, if the worst must come, he could explain with better +grace in the evening than in his present wretched mood, that would +prove too sharp a contrast with his recent gayety. + +He therefore dressed silently and hastily, and left a note saying +that a business engagement required his early departure. "She will +have at least one more serene day before the storm," he muttered. + +"Now wasn't that kind and thoughtful of papa to let us all sleep +late after the company!" said Mrs. Jocelyn to Mildred. "He went +away, too, without his breakfast," and in her gentle solicitude +she scarcely ate any herself. + +But weakly hiding trouble for a day was not kindness. The wife and +daughter, who should have helped to take in sail in preparation +for the threatened storm, were left unconscious of its approach. +They might have noticed that Mr. Jocelyn had been more than usually +anxious throughout the spring, but they knew so little of business +and its risks, that they did not realize their danger. "Men always +worry about their affairs," said Mrs. Jocelyn. "It's a way they +have." + +Mr. Arnold's visits and manner were much more congenial topics, +and as a result of the entire confidence existing between mother +and daughter, they dwelt at length on these subjects. + +"Mamma," said Mildred, "you must not breathe of it to a soul--not +even to papa yet. It would hurt me cruelly to have it known that I +think so much of one who has not spoken plainly--that is, in words. +I should be blind indeed if I did not understand the language of +his eyes, his tones, and manner. And yet, and yet--mamma, it isn't +wrong for me to love--to think so much of him before he speaks, is +it? Dearly as I--well, not for the world would I seem or even be +more forward than a girl should. I fear his people are too proud +and rich to recognize us; and--and--he says so little about them. +I can never talk to him or any one without making many references +to you and papa. I have thought that he even avoided speaking of +his family." + +"We have not yet been made acquainted with Mr. and Mrs. Arnold," +said Mrs. Jocelyn meditatively. "It is true we attend the same +church, and it was there that Vinton saw you, and was led to seek +an introduction. I'm sure we have not angled for him in any indelicate +way. You met him in the mission school and in other ways, as did +the other young ladies of the church. He seemed to single you out, +and asked permission to call. He has been very gentlemanly, but +you equally have been the self-respecting lady. I do not think you +have once overstepped the line of a proper reserve. It isn't your +nature to do such a thing, if I do say it. She is a silly girl +who ever does, for men don't like it, and I don't blame them. Your +father was a great hunter in the South, Millie, and he has often +said since that I was the shyest game he ever followed. But," she +added, with a low, sweet laugh, "how I did want to be caught! I can +see now," she continued, with a dreamy look back into the past," +that it was just the way to be caught, for if I had turned in +pursuit of him he would have run away in good earnest. There are +some girls who have set their caps for your handsome Mr. Arnold +who don't know this. I am glad to say, however, that you take the +course you do, not because you know better, but because you ARE +better--because you have not lost in city life the shy, pure nature +of the wild flowers that were your early playmates. Vinton Arnold +is the man to discover and appreciate this truth, and you have +lost nothing by compelling him to seek you in your own home, or by +being so reserved when abroad." + +While her mother's words greatly reassured Mildred, her fair face +still retained its look of anxious perplexity. + +"I have rarely met Mrs. Arnold and her daughters," she said; "but +even in a passing moment, it seemed as if they tried to inform me +by their manner that I did not belong to their world. Perhaps they +were only oblivious--I don't know." + +"I think that is all," said Mrs. Jocelyn musingly. "We have attended +their church only since we came up town. They sit on the further +side, in a very expensive pew, while papa thinks we can afford +only a side seat near the door. It is evident that they are proud +people, but in the matter of birth and good breeding, my dear, I am +sure we are their equals. Even when poorer than we are now we were +welcomed to the best society of the South. Have no fears, darling. +When they come to know YOU they will be as proud of you as I am." + +"Oh, mother, what a sweet prophetess you are! The life you suggest +is so beautiful, and I do not think I could live without beauty. +He is so handsome and refined, and his taste is so perfect that +every association he awakens is refined and high-toned. It seems +as if my--as if he might take out of my future all that is hard +and coarse--all that I shrink from even in thought. But, mamma, I +wish he were a wee bit stronger. His hands are almost as white and +small as mine; and then sometimes he is so very pale." + +"Well, Millie, we can't have everything. City life and luxury are +hard on young men. It would be better for them if they tramped the +woods more with a gun, as your father did. There was a time when +papa could walk his thirty miles a day and ride fifty. But manly +qualities may be those of the mind as well as of muscle. I gather +from what Mr. Arnold says that his health never has been very good; +but you are the one of all the world to pet him. and take care +of him. Most of the fashionable girls of his set would want to +go here and there all the time, and would wear him out with their +restlessness. You would be happier at home." + +"Indeed I would, mamma. Home, and heaven, are words that to me are +near akin." + +"I'm glad you are in such a fair way to win the home, but not +heaven I trust for a long time yet. Let us think of the home first. +While I would not for the world wish you to do a thing which the +strictest womanly delicacy did not permit, there are some things +which we can do that are very proper indeed. Mr. Arnold has an eye +for beauty as well as yourself, and he is accustomed to see ladies +well dressed. He noticed your toilet last night as well as your +face, and his big brown eyes informed me that he thought it very +pretty. I intend that you shall appear as well as the best of them +at Saratoga, and what we cannot afford in expensive fabrics we must +make up in skill and taste. Luckily, men don't know much about the +cost of material. They see the general effect only. A lady is to +them a finished picture, and they never think of inventorying the +frame, canvas, and colors as a woman does. For quarter of the money +I'll make you appear better than his sisters. So get your things, +and we'll begin shopping at once, for such nice work requires time." + +They were soon in the temples of fashion on Broadway, bent upon +carrying out their guileless conspiracy. Nevertheless their seemingly +innocent and harmless action was wretched folly. They did not know +that it raised one more barrier between them and all they sought +and hoped, for they were spending the little money that might save +them from sudden and utter poverty. + + + + +CHAPTER IV + +"PITILESS WAVES" + + +A deeper shadow than that of the night fell upon Mildred Jocelyn's +home after the return of her father. Feeling that there should be +no more blind drifting toward he knew not what, he had employed +all the means within his power to inform himself of the firm's +prospects, and learned that there was almost a certainty of speedy +failure. He was so depressed and gloomy when he sat down to dinner +that his wife had not the heart to tell him of her schemes to secure +his daughter's happiness, or of the gossamer-like fabrics she had +bought, out of which she hoped to construct a web that would more +surely entangle Mr. Arnold. Even her sanguine spirit was chilled +and filled with misgivings by her husband's manner. Mildred, too, +was speedily made to feel that only a very serious cause could +banish her father's wonted good-humor and render him so silent. +Belle and the little ones maintained the light talk which usually +enlivened the meal, but a sad constraint rested on the others. At +last Mr. Jocelyn said, abruptly, "Fanny, I wish to see you alone," +and she followed him to their room with a face that grew pale with +a vague dread. What could have happened? + +"Fanny," he said sadly, "our firm is in trouble. I have hoped and +have tried to believe that we should pull through, but now that +I have looked at the matter squarely I see no chance for us, and +from the words and bearing of my partners I imagine they have about +given up hope themselves." + +"Oh, come, Martin, look on the bright side. You always take such +gloomy views of things. They'll pull through, never fear; and if +they don't, you will soon obtain a better position. A man of your +ability should be at the head of a firm. YOU would make money, no +matter what the times were." + +"Unfortunately, Fanny, your sanguine hopes and absurd opinion of +my abilities do not change in the least the hard facts in the case. +If the firm fails, I am out of employment, and hundreds of as +good--yes, better men than I, are looking vainly for almost any +kind of work. The thought that we have laid up nothing in all these +years cuts me to the very quick. One thing is now certain. Not a +dollar must be spent, hereafter, except for food, and that of the +least costly kind, until I see our way more clearly." + +"Can't we go to Saratoga?" faltered Mrs. Jocelyn. + +"Certainly not. If all were well I should have had to borrow money +and anticipate my income in order to spend even a few weeks there, +unless you went to a cheap boarding-house. If things turn out +as I fear, I could not borrow a dollar. I scarcely see how we are +to live anywhere, much less at a Saratoga hotel. Fanny, can't you +understand my situation? Suppose my income stops, how much ahead +have we to live upon?" Mrs. Jocelyn sank into a chair and sobbed, +"Oh that I had known this before! See there!" + +The bed was covered with dress goods and the airy nothings that +enhance a girl's beauty. The husband understood their meaning too +well, and he muttered something like an oath. At last he said, in +a hard tone, "Well, after buying all this frippery, how much money +have you left?" + +"Oh, Martin," sobbed his wife, "don't speak to me in that tone. +Indeed I did not know we were in real danger. You seemed in such +good spirits last evening, and Mr. Arnold showed so much feeling +for Millie, that my heart has been as light as a feather all day. +I wouldn't have bought these things if I had only known--if I had +realized it all." + +Mr. Jocelyn now uttered an unmistakable anathema on his folly. + +"The money you had this morning is gone, then?" + +"Yes." + +"How much has been charged?" + +"Don't ask me." + +He was so angry--with himself more than his wife--and so cast down +that he could not trust himself to speak again. With a gesture, +more expressive than any words, he turned on his heel and left the +room and the house. For hours he walked the streets in the wretched +turmoil of a sensitive, yet weak nature. He was not one who could +calmly meet an emergency and manfully do his best, suffering +patiently meanwhile the ills that could not be averted. He could +lead a cavalry charge into any kind of danger, but he could not +stand still under fire. The temptation to repeat his folly of the +previous evening was very strong, but it had cost him so dearly +that he swore a great oath that at least he would not touch liquor +again; but he could not refrain from lifting himself in some degree +out of his deep dejection, by a recourse to the stimulant upon which +he had so long been dependent. At last, jaded and sober indeed, +he returned to a home whose very beauty and comfort now became the +chief means of his torture. + +In the meantime Mildred and her mother sat by the pretty fabrics +that had the bright hues of their morning hopes, and they looked +at each other with tears and dismay. If the silk and lawn should +turn into crape, it would seem so in accordance with their feelings +as scarcely to excite surprise. Each queried vainly, "What now will +be the future?" The golden prospect of the day had become dark and +chaotic, and in strong reaction a vague sense of impending disaster +so oppressed them that they scarcely spoke. Deep in Mildred's heart, +however, born of woman's trust, was the sustaining hope that her +friend, Vinton Arnold, would be true to her whatever might happen. +Poor Mrs. Jocelyn's best hope was, that the financial storm would +blow over without fulfilling their fears. She had often known her +father to be half desperate, and then there was patched up some +kind of arrangement which enabled them to go on again in their old +way. Still, even with her unbusiness-like habits of thought and +meagre knowledge of the world, she could not see how they could +maintain themselves if her husband's income should suddenly cease, +and he be unable to find a like position. + +She longed for his return, but when he came he gave her no comfort. + +"Don't speak to me," he said; "I can tell you nothing that you do +not already know. The events of the next few weeks will make all +plain enough." + +The logic of events did convince even Mrs. Jocelyn that making no +provision for a "rainy day" is sad policy. The storm did not blow +over, although it blew steadily and strongly. The firm soon failed, +but Mr. Jocelyn received a small sum out of the assets, which +prevented immediate want. Mildred's course promised to justify +Arnold's belief that she could be strong as well as gentle, for +she insisted that every article obtained on credit should be taken +back to the shops. Her mother shrank from the task, so she went +herself and plainly stated their circumstances. It was a bitter +experience for the poor child--far more painful than she had +anticipated. She could not believe that the affable people who waited +on her so smilingly a few days before would appear so different; +but even those who were most inclined to be harsh, and to feel +aggrieved at their small loss in cutting the material returned, +were softened as she said, gently and almost humbly: + +"Since we could not pay for it we felt that it would be more honorable +to bring it back in as good condition as when received." In every +instance, however, in which the goods had been paid for, she found +that she could effect no exchange for the money, except at such +reduced rates that she might as well give them away. + +Even Mrs. Jocelyn saw the need of immediate changes. One of their +two servants was dismissed. Belle pouted over the rigid economy, +now enforced all too late. Mildred cried over it in secret, but +made heroic efforts to be cheerful in the presence of her father +and mother; but each day, with a deeper chill at heart, she asked +herself a thousand times, "Why does not Mr. Arnold come to see me?" + +Vinton Arnold was in even greater distress. He had to endure not +only the pain of a repressed affection, but also a galling and +humiliating sense of unmanly weakness. He, of course, learned of the +failure, and his father soon after took pains to say significantly +that one of the members of the iron firm had told him that Mr. +Jocelyn had nothing to fall back upon. Therefore Arnold knew that +the girl he loved must be in sore trouble. And yet, how could he +go to her? What could he say or do that would not make him appear +contemptible in her eyes? But to remain away in her hour of +misfortune seemed such a manifestation of heartless indifference, +such a mean example of the world's tendency to pass by on the other +side, that he grew haggard and ghost-like in his self-reproach and +self-contempt. At last his parents began to insist that his health +required a change of air, and suggested a mountain resort or a trip +abroad, and he was conscious of no power to resist the quiet will +with which any plan decided upon would be carried out. He felt +that he must see Mildred once more, although what he would say to +her he could not tell. While there had been no conscious and definite +purpose on the part of his parents, they nevertheless had trained +him to helplessness in mind and body. His will was as relaxed as +his muscles. Instead of wise, patient effort to develop a feeble +constitution and to educate his mind by systematic courses of study, +he had been treated as an exotic all his days. And yet it had been +care without tenderness, or much manifestation of affection. Hot a +thing had been done to develop self-respect or self-reliance. Even +more than most girls, he was made to feel himself dependent on +his parents. He had studied but little; he had read much, but in +a desultory way. Of business and of men's prompt, keen ways he was +lamentably ignorant for one of his years, and the consciousness of +this made him shrink from the companionship of his own sex, and +begat a reticence whose chief cause was timidity. His parents' wealth +had been nothing but a curse, and they would learn eventually that +while they could shield his person from the roughnesses of the world +they could not protect his mind and heart from those experiences +which ever demand manly strength and principle. As a result of +their costly system, there were few more pitiable objects in the +city than Vinton Arnold as he stole under the cover of night to +visit the girl who was hoping--though more faintly after every day +of waiting--that she might find in him sustaining strength and love +in her misfortunes. + +But when she saw his white, haggard face and nervous, timid manner, +she was almost shocked, and exclaimed, with impulsive sympathy, +"Mr. Arnold, you have been ill. I have done you wrong." + +He did not quite understand her, and was indiscreet enough to +repeat, "You have done me wrong, Miss Millie?" + +"Pardon me. Perhaps you do not know that we are in deep trouble. +My father's firm has failed, and we shall have to give up our home. +Indeed, I hardly know what we shall do. When in trouble, one's +thoughts naturally turn to one's friends. I thought perhaps you +would come to see me," and two tears that she could not repress in +her eyes. + +"Oh, that I were a man!" groaned Arnold, mentally, and never had +human cruelty inflicted a keener pang than did Mildred's sorrowful +face and the gentle reproach implied in her words. + +"I--I have been ill," he said hesitatingly. "Miss Millie," he added +impulsively, "you can never know how deeply I feel for you." + +She lifted her eyes questioningly to his face, and its expression +was again unmistakable. For a moment she lost control of her +overburdened heart, and bowing her face in her hands gave way to +the strong tide of her feelings. "Oh!" she sobbed, "I have been +so anxious and fearful about the future. People have come here out +of curiosity, and others have acted as if they did not care what +became of us, if they only obtained the money we owed them. I did +not think that those who were so smiling and friendly a short time +since could be so harsh and indifferent. A thousand times I have +thought of that poor ship that I saw the waves beat to pieces, and +it has seemed as if it might be our fate. I suppose I am morbid, +and that some way will be provided, but SOME way is not A way." + +Instead of coming to her side and promising all that his heart +prompted, the miserable constraint of his position led him to turn +from grief that he was no longer able to witness. He went to the +window, and, bowing his head against the sash, looked out into the +darkness. + +She regarded him with wonder as she slowly wiped her eyes. + +"Mr. Arnold," she faltered, "I hope you will forgive me for my +weakness, and also for inflicting our troubles on you." + +He turned and came slowly toward her. She saw that he trembled and +almost tottered as he walked, and that his face had become ashen. +The hand he gave her seemed like ice to her warm, throbbing +palm. But never could she forget his expression--the blending of +self-contempt, pitiable weakness, and dejection. + +"Miss Mildred," he said slowly, "there is no use in disguises. We +had better both recognize the truth at once. At least it will be +better for you, for then you may find a friend more worthy of the +name. Can you not see what I am--a broken reed? The vine could +better sustain a falling tree than I the one I loved, even though, +like the vine, my heart clung to that one as its sole support. +You suffer; I am in torment. You are sad; I despair. You associate +strength and help with manhood, and you are right. You do not know +that the weakest thing in the world is a weak, helpless man. I am +only strong to suffer. I can do nothing; I am nothing. It would be +impossible for me to explain how helpless and dependent I am--you +could not understand it. My whole heart went out to you, for +you seemed both gentle and strong. The hope would grow in my soul +that you might be merciful to me when you came to know me as I am. +Good-by, Millie Jocelyn. You will find a friend strong and helpful +as well as kind. As for me, my best hope is to die." He bowed his +head upon the hand he did not venture to kiss, and then almost fled +from the house. + +Mildred was too much overcome by surprise and feeling to make any +attempt to detain him. He had virtually acknowledged his love for +her, but never in her wildest fancy had she imagined so dreary and +sad a revelation. + +Mrs. Jocelyn, perplexed by Mr. Arnold's abrupt departure, came in +hastily, and Mildred told her, with many tears, all that had been +said. Even her mother's gentle nature could not prevent harsh +condemnation of the young man. + +"So he could do nothing better than get up this little melodrama, +and then hasten back to his elegant home," she said, with a darkening +frown. + +Mildred shook her head and said, musingly, "I understand him better +than you do, mamma, and I pity him from the depths of my heart." + +"I think it's all plain enough," said Mrs. Jocelyn, in a tone that +was hard and unnatural in her. "His rich parents tell him that he +must not think of marrying a poor girl, and he is the most dutiful +of sons." + +"You did not hear his words, mamma--you did not see him. Oh, if he +should die! He looked like death itself," and she gave way to such +an agony of grief that her mother was alarmed on her behalf, and +wept, entreated, and soothed by turns until at last the poor child +crept away with throbbing temples to a long night of pain and +sleeplessness. The wound was one that she must hide in her own +heart; her pallor and languor for several days proved how deep it +had been. + +But the truth that he loved her--the belief that he could never give +to another what he had given to her--had a secret and sustaining +power. Hope is a hardy plant in the hearts of the young. Though the +future was dark, it still had its possibilities of good. Womanlike, +she thought more of his trouble than of her own, and that which most +depressed her was the fear that his health might give way utterly. +"I can bear anything better than his death," she said to herself +a thousand times. + +She made no tragic promises of constancy, nor did she indulge in +very much sentimental dreaming. She simply recognized the truth that +she loved him--that her whole woman's heart yearned in tenderness +over him as one that was crippled and helpless. She saw that he +was unable to stand alone and act for himself, and with a sensitive +pride all her own she shrank from even the thought of forcing +herself on the proud, rich family that had forbidden the alliance. +Moreover, she was a good-hearted, Christian girl, and perceived +clearly that it was no time for her to mope of droop. Even on the +miserable day which followed the interview that so sorely wounded +her, she made pathetic attempts to be cheerful and helpful, and as +time passed she rallied slowly into strength and patience. + +The father's apparent efforts to keep up under his misfortune were +also a great incentive to earnest effort on her part. More than +once she said in substance to her mother, "Papa is so often hopeful, +serene, and even cheerful, that we ought to try and show a like +spirit. Even when despondency does master him, and he becomes sad +and irritable, he makes so brave an effort that he soon overcomes +his wretched mood and quietly looks on the brighter side. We ought +to follow his example." It would have been infinitely better had +he followed theirs, and found in prayer, faith, and manly courage +the serenity and fortitude that were but the brief, deceptive, and +dangerous effects of a fatal poison. + +It was decided that the family should spend the summer at some quiet +farmhouse where the board would be very inexpensive, and that Mr. +Jocelyn, in the meantime, should remain in the city in order to +avail himself of any opening that he might discover. + +After a day or two of search in the country, he found a place that +he thought would answer, and the family prepared as quickly as +possible for what seemed to them like a journey to Siberia. + +Mildred's farewell to her own private apartment was full of touching +pathos. This room was the outward expression not merely of a refined +taste, but of some of the deepest feelings and characteristics +of her nature. In its furniture and adornment it was as dainty as +her own delicate beauty. She had been allowed to fit it up as she +wished, and had lavished upon it the greater part of her spending +money. She had also bestowed upon it much thought, and the skilful +work of her own hands had eked out to a marvellous extent the +limited sums that her father had been able to give her. The result +was a prettiness and light, airy grace which did not suggest the +resting-place of an ordinary flesh-and-blood girl, but of one in +whom the spiritual and the love of the beautiful were the ruling +forces of life. + +It is surprising how character impresses itself on one's surroundings. +Mrs. Arnold's elegant home was a correct expression of herself. +Stately, formal, slightly rigid, decidedly cold, it suggested to +the visitor that he would receive the courtesy to which his social +position entitled him, and nothing more. It was the result of +an exact and logical mind, and could no more unbend into a little +comfortable disorder than the lady herself. She bestowed upon +its costly appointments the scrupulous care which she gave to her +children, and her manner was much the same in each instance. She +was justly called a strong character, but she made herself felt +after the fashion of an artist with his hammer and chisel. Carved +work is cold and rigid at best. + +Mildred had not as yet impressed people as a strong character. On +the contrary, she had seemed peculiarly gentle and yielding. Vinton +Arnold, however, in his deep need had instinctively half guessed +the truth, for her influence was like that of a warm day in spring, +undemonstrative, not self-asserting, but most powerful. The +tongue-tied could speak in her presence; the diffident found in +her a kindly sympathy which gave confidence; men were peculiarly +drawn toward her because she was so essentially womanly without +being silly. Although as sprightly and fond of fun as most young +girls of her age, they recognized that she was perfectly truthful +and loyal to all that men--even bad men--most honor in a woman. +They always had a good time in her society, and yet felt the better +and purer for it. Life blossomed and grew bright about her from +some innate influence that she exerted unconsciously. After all +there was no mystery about it. She had her faults like others, but +at heart she was genuinely good and unselfish. The gentle mother +had taught her woman's best graces of speech and manner; nature +had endowed her with beauty, and to that the world always renders +homage. + +There are thousands of very pretty girls who have no love for beauty +save their own, which they do their best to spoil by self-homage. +To Mildred, on the contrary, the beautiful was as essential as +her daily food, and she excelled in all the dainty handicrafts by +which women can make a home attractive. Therefore her own little +sanctum had developed like an exquisite flower, and had become, as +we have said, an expression of herself. An auctioneer, in dismantling +her apartment, would not have found much more to sell than if he had +pulled a rose to pieces, but left intact it was as full of beauty +and fragrance as the flower itself. And yet her own hands must destroy +it, and in a brief time she must exchange its airy loveliness for +a bare room in a farmhouse. After that the future was as vague +as it was clouded. The pretty trifles were taken down and packed +away, with tears, as if she were laying them in graves. + + + + +CHAPTER V + +THE RUDIMENTS OF A MAN + + +"Mother, I hain't no unison with it at all," said Farmer Atwood, +leaning on the breakfast table and holding aloft a knife and +fork--formidable implements in his hands, but now unemployed through +perturbation of mind. "I hain't no unison with it--this havin' +fine city folk right in the family. 'Twill be pretty nigh as bad +as visiting one's rich relations. I had a week of that once, but, +thank the Lord, I hain't been so afflicted since. I've seen 'em +up at the hotel and riding by too often not to know 'em. They are +half conceit and half fine feathers, and that doesn't leave many +qualities as are suited to a farmhouse. Roger and me will have to +be--what was it that lecturin' professor called it--'deodorized' +every mornin' after feedin' and cleanin' the critters. We'll +have to put on our go-to-meetin's, instead of sittin' down in our +shirt-sleeves comfortable like. I hain't no unison with it, and +it's been a-growing on me ever since that city chap persuaded you +into being cook and chambermaid for his family." And Farmer Atwood's +knife and fork came down into the dish of ham with an onslaught +that would have appalled a Jew. + +"The governor is right, mother," said the young man referred to as +Roger. "We shall all be in strait-jackets for the summer." + +The speaker could not have been much more than twenty years old, +although in form he appeared a full-grown man. As he stood wiping +his hands on a towel that hung in a corner of the large kitchen, +which, except on state occasions, also served as dining and +sitting-room, it might be noted that he was above medium height, +broad-shouldered, and strongly built. When he crossed the room his +coarse working dress could not disguise the fact that he had a fine +figure and an easy bearing of the rustic, rough-and-ready style. +He had been out in the tall, dew-drenched grass, and therefore had +tucked the lower part of his trousers in his boot tops, and, like +his father, dispensed with his coat in the warm June morning. As he +drew a chair noisily across the floor and sat down at the table, it +was evident that he had a good though undeveloped face. His upper +lip was deeply shadowed by a coming event, to which he looked +forward with no little pride, and his well-tanned cheeks could not +hide a faint glow of youthful color. One felt at a glance that +his varying expressions could scarcely fail to reveal all that +the young man was now or could ever become, for his face suggested +a nature peculiarly frank and rather matter-of-fact, or at least +unawakened. The traits of careless good-nature and self-confidence +were now most apparent. He had always been regarded as a clever +boy at home, and his rustic gallantry was well received by the +farmers' daughters in the neighborhood. What better proofs that +he was about right could a young fellow ask? He was on such good +terms with himself and the world that even the event which his +father so deprecated did not much disturb his easy-going assurance. +He doubted, in his thoughts, whether the city girls would "turn up +their noses" at him, and if they did, they might, for all that he +cared, for there were plenty of rural beauties with whom he could +console himself. But, like his father, he felt that the careless +undress and freedom of their farm life would be criticised by the +new-comers. He proposed, however, to make as little change as +possible in his habits and dress, and to teach the Jocelyns that +country people had "as good a right to their ways as city people +to theirs." Therefore the threatened invasion did not in the least +prevent him from making havoc in the substantial breakfast that +Mrs. Atwood and her daughter Susan put on the table in a haphazard +manner, taking it from the adjacent stove as fast as it was ready. +A stolid-looking hired man sat opposite to Roger, and shovelled in +his food with his knife, with a monotonous assiduity that suggested +a laborer filling a coal-bin. He seemed oblivious to everything +save the breakfast, and with the exception of heaping his plate +from time to time he was ignored by the family. + +The men-folk were quite well along with their meal before Mrs. +Atwood and Susan, flushed with their labors about the stove, were +ready to sit down. They were accustomed to hear the farmer grumble, +and, having carried their point, were in no haste to reply or to +fight over a battle that had been won already. Roger led to a slight +resumption of hostilities, however, by a disposition--well-nigh +universal in brothers--to tease. + +"Sue," he said, "will soon be wanting to get some feathers like those +of the fine birds that will light in our door-yard this evening." + +"That's it," snarled the farmer; "what little you make will soon +be on your backs or streamin' away in ribbons." + +"Well," said Mrs. Atwood, a little sharply, "it's quite proper that +we should have something on our backs, and if we earn the money +to put it there ourselves, I don't see why you should complain; as +for ribbons, Sue has as good right to 'em as Roger to a span-new +buggy that ain't good for anything but taking girls out in." + +"What made you have the seat so narrow, Roger?" asked Sue; "you +couldn't squeeze three people in to save your life." + +"I'm content with one girl at a time," replied Roger, with a +complacent shrug. + +"And the same girl only one time, too, from what I hear. You've +taken out all there are in Forestville haven't you?" + +"Haven't got quite around yet. And then some prudent mothers do +think the seat a trifle narrow, and the ones I'd like to take out +most can't go. But there's plenty that can." + +"And one is as good as another," added his sister, maliciously, +"If she will only talk nonsense, and let you hold her from falling +out when you whisk over the thank-e-ma'ams." + +"I didn't have to go from home to learn that most girls talk +nonsense," laughed Roger. "By the way, how did you learn about the +thank-e-ma'ams? I didn't teach you." + +"No, indeed! Sisters may fall out for all that brothers care." + +"That depends on whose sisters they are," said Roger, rising. "I +now perceive that mine has been well taken care of." + +"You think other young men have your pert ways," retorted Sue, +reddening. "My friends have manners." + +"Oh, I see. They let you fall out, and then politely pick you up." + +"Come, you are both in danger of falling out now," said the mother +reprovingly. + +Roger went off whistling to his work, and the hired man lumbered +after him. + +"Father," said Mrs. Atwood, "who'll go down to the river for the +trunks?" + +"Well, I s'pose I'll have to," grumbled Mr. Atwood. "Roger don't +want to, and Jotham can do more work in the cornfield than me." + +"I'm glad you're so sensible. Riding down to the river and back +will be a good bit easier than hoeing corn all day. The stage will +be along about five, I guess, and I'll get supper for 'em in the +sittin'-room, so you can eat in your shirt-sleeves, if that'll +quiet your mind." + +With the aspect of a November day Mr. Atwood got out the great +farm-wagon and jogged down to the landing on the Hudson, which was +so distant as to insure his absence for several hours. + +It was a busy day for Mrs. Atwood and Susan. Fresh bread and cake +were to be baked, and the rooms "tidied up" once more. A pitcher +that had lost its handle was filled with old-fashioned roses that +persisted in blooming in a grass-choked flower-bed. This was placed +in the room designed for Mrs. Jocelyn and the children, while the +one flower vase, left unbroken from the days of Roger's boyish +carelessness, adorned the smaller apartment that Mildred and Belle +were to occupy, and this was about the only element of elegance or +beauty that Susan was able to impart part to the bare little room. +Even to the country girl, to whom the term "decorative art" was but +a vague phrase, the place seemed meagre and hard in its outlines, +and she instinctively felt that it would appear far more so to its +occupants. + +"But it's the best we can afford," she sighed; "and at the prices +they'll pay us they shouldn't complain." + +Still the day was full of pleasurable excitement and anticipation +to the young girl. She was aware that her mother's tasks and her +own would be greatly increased, but on the other hand the monotony +of the farm-house life would be broken, and in the more distant +future she saw a vista of new gowns, a jaunty winter hat with a +feather, and other like conditions of unalloyed happiness. Susan +had dwelt thus far in one of life's secluded valleys, and if she +lost much because her horizon was narrow she was shielded from +far more. Her fresh, full face had a certain pleasant, wholesome +aspect, like the fields about her home in June, as she bustled +about, preparing for the "city folks" whom her father so dreaded. + +Roger's buggy was not yet paid for. It was the one great extravagance +that Mr. Atwood had permitted for many a year. As usual, his wife +had led him into it, he growling and protesting, but unable to resist +her peculiar persistency. Roger was approaching man's estate, and +something must be done to signalize so momentous an event. A light +buggy was the goal of ambition to the young men in the vicinity, +and Roger felt that he could never be a man without one. He also +recognized it as the best means of securing a wife to his mind, +for courting on a moonlit, shadowy road was far more satisfactory +than in the bosom of the young woman's family. Not that he was bent +on matrimony, but rather on several years of agreeable preparation +for it, proposing to make tentative acquaintances, both numerous +and miscellaneous. + +In his impatience to secure this four-wheeled compendium of happiness +he had mortgaged his future, and had promised his father to plant +and cultivate larger areas. The shrewd farmer therefore had no +prospect of being out of pocket, for the young man was keeping his +word. The acres of the cornfield were nearly double those of the +previous year, and on them Roger spent the long hot day in vigorous +labor in preference to the easy task of going to the river for the +luggage. Dusty and weary, but in excellent spirits over the large +space that he and the hired man had "hilled up," he went whistling +home through the long shadows of the June evening. The farm wagon +stood in the door-yard piled with trunks. The front entrance of +the house--rarely used by the family--was open, and as he came up +the lane a young girl emerged from it, and leaned for a few moments +against the outer pillar of the little porch, unconscious of the +picture she made. A climbing rose was in bloom just over her head, +and her cheeks, flushed with heat and fatigue, vied with them +in color. She had exchanged her travelling-dress for one of light +muslin, and entwined in her hair a few buds from the bush that +covered the porch. If Roger was not gifted with a vivid imagination +he nevertheless saw things very accurately, and before he reached +the head of the lane admitted to himself that the old "front steps" +had never been so graced before. He had seen many a rustic beauty +standing there when his sister had company, but the city girl +impressed him with a difference which he then could not understand. +He was inclined to resent this undefined superiority, and he muttered, +"Father's right. They are birds of too fine a feather for our nest." + +He had to pass near her in order to reach the kitchen door, or else +make a detour which his pride would not permit. Indeed, the youth +plodded leisurely along with his hoe on his shoulder, and scrupled +not to scrutinize the vision on the porch with the most matter-of-fact +minuteness. + +"What makes her so 'down in the mouth'?" he queried. "She doesn't +fancy us barbarians, I suppose, and Forestville to her is a howling +wilderness. Like enough she'll take me for an Indian." + +Mildred's eyes were fixed on a great shaggy mountain in the west, +that was all the more dark and forbidding in its own deep shadow. +She did not see it, however, for her mind was dwelling on gloomier +shadows than the mountain cast. + +As he passed he caught her attention, and stepping toward him a +little impatiently, she said, + +"I suppose you belong to the premises?" + +He made an awkward attempt at a bow, and said stiffly, "I'm one of +the Atwood chattels." + +The answer was not such as she expected, and she gave him a +scrutinizing glance. "Surely, if I have ever seen a laborer, he's +one," she thought, as with woman's quickness she inventoried his +coarse, weather-stained straw hat, blue cotton shirt crossed by +suspenders mended with strings, shapeless trousers, once black, +but now of the color of the dusty cornfield, and shoes such as she +had never seen on the avenue. Even if Roger's face had not been +discolored by perspiration and browned by exposure, its contrast +with the visage that memory kept before her but too constantly +would not have been pleasing. Nothing in his appearance deterred +her from saying briefly, "I wish you would bring those trunks to +our rooms. We have already waited for them some little time, and +Mr. Atwood said that his man would attend to them when he came home +from his work." + +"That's all right, but I'm not his man, and with another stiff bow +he passed on. + +"Roger," called Mrs. Atwood from the kitchen door, "where's Jotham?" + +"Bringing home the cows." + +"The ladies want their trunks," continued his mother, in a sharp, +worried tone. "I wish you men-folks would see to 'em right away. +Why couldn't you quit work a little earlier to-night?" + +Roger made no reply, but proceeded deliberately to help himself to +a wash-basin and water. + +"Look here, Roger," said his mother, in a tone she seldom used, +"if those trunks are not where they belong in ten minutes, Susan +and I'll take 'em up ourselves." + +"That would be a pretty story to go out," added his sister. "Little +use your buggy would be to you then, for no nice girl would ride +with you." + +"Come, come, what's the use of such a bother!" said the young man +irritably. "Mother knows that I'd carry the trunks up on Bald-Top +before I'd let her touch them. That's the way it will always be +with these city people, I suppose. Everybody must jump and run the +moment they speak. Father's right, and we'll have to give up our +old free-and-easy life and become porters and waiting-maids." + +"I've heard enough of that talk," said Mrs. Atwood emphatically. +"Your father's been like a drizzling northeaster all day. Now I +give you men-folks fair warning. If you want any supper you must +wake up and give me something better than grumbling. I'm too hot +and tired now to argue over something that's been settled once for +all." + +The "warning" had the desired effect, for Mrs. Atwood was the +recognized head of the commissary department, and, as such, could +touch the secret springs of motives that are rarely resisted. + +The open kitchen windows were so near that Mildred could not help +overhearing this family jar, and it added greatly to her depression. +She felt that they had not only lost their own home, but were also +banishing the home feeling from another family. She did but scant +justice to Mrs. Atwood's abundant supper, and went to her room at +last with that most disagreeable of all impressions--the sense of +being an intruder. + +The tired children were soon at rest, for their time of sleepless +trouble was far distant. Belle's pretty head drooped also with the +roses over the porch as the late twilight deepened. To her and the +little people the day had been rich in novelty, and the country was +a wonderland of many and varied delights. In the eyes of children +the Garden of Eden survives from age to age. Alas! the tendency to +leave it survives also, and to those who remain, regions of beauty +and mystery too often become angular farms and acres. + +Mrs. Jocelyn and Mildred still more clearly illustrated the truth +that the same world wears a different aspect as the conditions of +life vary. They were going out into the wilderness. The river was +a shining pathway, whose beauty was a mockery, for it led away from +all that they loved best. The farmhouse was a place of exile, and +its occupants a strange, uncouth people with whom they felt that +they would have nothing in common. Mrs. Jocelyn merely looked forward +to weeks of weary waiting until she could again join her husband, +to whom in his despondency her heart clung with a remorseful +tenderness. She now almost wished that they had lived on bread and +water, and so had provided against this evil day of long separation +and dreary uncertainty. Now that she could no longer rest in her +old belief that there would be "some way" of tiding over every +financial crisis, she became a prey to forebodings equally vague +that there might be no way. That HER HUSBAND could spend day after +day seeking employment, offering, too, to take positions far inferior +to the one he had lost, was a truth that at first bewildered and +then disheartened her beyond measure. She felt that they must, +indeed, have fallen on evil times when his services went a-begging. + +To Mildred the present was dark, and the future most unpromising; +but deep in her heart nestled the sustaining thought that she was +not unloved, not forgotten. The will of others, not his own, kept +her lover from her side. His weaknesses were of a nature that +awakened her pity rather than contempt. If he had been a Hercules +physically and a Bacon intellectually, but conceited, domineering, +untruthful, and of the male flirt genus--from such weaknesses she +would have shrunk with intense repugnance. Her friends thought +her peculiarly gentle in disposition. They did not know--and she +herself might rarely recognize the truth--that she was also very +strong; her strength on its human side consisted in a simple, +unswerving fidelity to her womanly nature and sense of right; on +the Divine side, God's word was to her a verity. She daily said "Our +Father" as a little child. Has the world yet discovered a purer or +loftier philosophy? + + + + +CHAPTER VI + +ROGER DISCOVERS A NEW TYPE + + +Young Atwood rose with a very definite purpose on the following +morning. For his mother's sake he would be civil to their boarders, +but nothing more. He would learn just what they had a right to +expect in view of their business relations, and having performed +all that was "nominated in the bond," would treat them with such +an off-hand independence that they would soon become aware that he, +Roger Atwood, was an entity that could exist without their admiring +approval. He meant that they should learn that the country was +quite as large as the city, and that the rural peculiarities of +Forestville were as legitimate as those which he associated with +them, and especially with the young lady who had mistaken him for +the hired man. Therefore after his morning work in the barnyard +he stalked to the house with the same manner and toilet as on the +previous day. + +But there were no haughty citizens to be toned down. They were all +sleeping late from the fatigues of their journey, and Mrs. Atwood +said she would give the "men-folks their breakfast at the usual +hour, because a hungry man and a cross bear were nigh of kin." + +The meal at first was a comparatively silent one, but Roger noted +with a contemptuous glance that his sister's hair was arranged more +neatly than he had seen it since the previous Sunday, and that her +calico dress, collar, and cuffs were scrupulously clean. + +"Expecting company?" he asked maliciously. + +She understood him and flushed resentfully. "If you wish to go +around looking like a scarecrow, that's no reason why I should," +she said. "The corn is too large for the crows to pull now, so if +I were you I would touch myself up a little. I don't wonder that +Miss Jocelyn mistook you for Jotham." + +"It's well," retorted Roger, with some irritation, "that your +Miss Jocelyn has no grown brothers here, or you would come down +to breakfast in kid gloves. I suppose, however, that they have +insisted on a tidy and respectful waitress. Will you please inform +me, mother, what my regulation costume must be when my services +are required? Jotham and I should have a suit of livery, with two +more brass buttons on my coat to show that I belong to the family." + +"I think that a little more of the manner and appearance of a +gentleman would show your relationship better than any amount of +brass," remarked his mother quietly. + +Roger was almost through his breakfast, and so, at no great loss, +could assume the injured part. Therefore with a dignity that was +somewhat in marked contrast with his rather unkempt appearance he +rose and stalked off to the cornfield again. + +"Umph," remarked Mr. Atwood sententiously, as he rose and followed +his son. This apparently vague utterance had for his wife a definite +and extended meaning. She looked annoyed and flurried, and was in +no mood for the labors of preparing a second breakfast. + +"The men-folks had better not roil me up too much," she said to +her daughter. "If your father had said No! out and out, I wouldn't +have brought strangers into his home. But he kinder wanted me +to have their money without the bother of having them around. Now +one thing is settled--he must either help me make it pleasant for +these people, or else tell them to leave this very day." + +"And how about Roger?" asked Susan, still under the influence of +pique. + +"Oh, Roger is young and foolish. He's a-growing yet," and the +mother's severe aspect relaxed. He was her only boy. + +Mr. Atwood, brought face to face with the alternative presented +by his practical wife, succumbed with tolerable grace. In truth, +having had his grumble out, he was not so very averse to the +arrangement. He was much like old Gruff, their watch-dog, that was +a redoubtable growler, but had never been known to bite any one. +He therefore installed himself as his wife's out-of-door ally and +assistant commissary, proposing also to take the boarders out to +drive if they would pay enough to make it worth the while. As for +Roger, he resolved to remain a farmer and revolve in his old orbit. + +Mrs. Jocelyn and Mildred were listless and depressed, and time hung +heavily on their hands. They were in that condition of waiting and +uncertainty which renders cheerful or systematic occupation wellnigh +impossible. They daily hoped that a letter would come assuring them +that Mr. Jocelyn had secured a position that would change all their +future for the better, but the letters received recorded futile +efforts only, and often despondency; but occasionally there would +come a letter full of vague, sanguine hopes that first produced +elation and then perplexity that nothing came of them. His wife +found his dejection contagious. If she had been with him she would +have made strenuous efforts to cheer and inspirit, but without +an unselfish woman's strongest motive for action she brooded and +drooped. Belle's irrepressible vivacity and the children's wild +delight over the wonders of the fields and farmyard jarred upon +her sore heart painfully. She patiently tried to take care of them, +but in thought and feeling she could not enter into their life as +had been her custom. Belle was too young and giddy for responsibility, +and Mildred had many a weary chase after the little explorers. In +spite of his clearly defined policy of indifference, Roger found +himself watching her on such occasions with a growing interest. It +was evident to him that she did not in the slightest degree resent +his daily declaration of independence; indeed, he saw that she +scarcely gave him any thoughts whatever--that he was to her no more +than heavy-footed Jotham. + +"She does not even consider me worth snubbing," he thought, with +much dissatisfaction, about a week subsequent to their arrival. + +In vain, after the labors of the day, he dressed in his best +suit and sported a flaming necktie; in vain he dashed away in his +buggy, and, a little later, dashed by again with a rural belle at +his side. He found himself unable to impress the city girl as he +desired, or to awaken in her a sense of his importance. And yet he +already began to feel, in a vague way, that she was not so distant +TO him, as distant FROM him. + +Belle soon formed his acquaintance, asking innumerable questions +and not a few favors, and she found him more good-natured than she +had been led to expect. At last, to her great delight, he took her +with him in his wagon to the post-office. The lively girl interested +and amused him, but he felt himself immeasurably older than she. +With a tendency common to very young men, he was more interested +in the elder sister, who in character and the maturity that comes +from experience was certainly far beyond him. Belle he understood, +but Mildred was a mystery, and she had also the advantage of being +a very beautiful one. + +As time passed and no definite assurances came from her father, +the young girl was conscious of a growing dissatisfaction with the +idle, weary waiting to which she and her mother were condemned. She +felt that it might have been better for them all to have remained +in the city, in spite of the summer heat, than thus to be separated. +She believed that she might have found something to do which would +have aided in their support, and she understood more clearly than +her mother that their slender means were diminishing fast. That +she could do anything at a country farmhouse to assist her father +seemed very doubtful, but she felt the necessity of employment +more strongly each day, not only for the sake of the money it might +bring, but also as an antidote to a growing tendency to brood over +her deep disappointment. She soon began to recognize that such +self-indulgence would unfit her for a struggle that might be extended +and severe, and was not long in coming to the conclusion that she +must make the best of her life as it was and would be. Days and +weeks had slipped by and had seen her looking regretfully back at +the past, which was receding like the shores of a loved country to +an exile. Since the prospect of returning to it was so slight, it +would be best to turn her thoughts and such faint hope as she could +cherish toward the vague and unpromising future. At any rate she +must so occupy herself as to have no time for morbid self-communings. + +Her first resource was the homely life and interests of those +with whom she dwelt. Thus far she had regarded them as uncongenial +strangers, and had contented herself with mere politeness toward +them. In her sad preoccupation she had taken little note of their +characters or domestic life, and her mother had kept herself even +more secluded. Indeed the poor lady felt that it was hardly right +to smile in view of her husband's absence and misfortune, and she +often chided Belle for her levity; but Belle's life was like an +over-full fountain in spring-time, and could not be repressed. + +In her deep abstraction Mildred had seen, but had scarcely noted, +certain changes in the farmhouse that would have interested and +pleased her had her mind been at rest. Almost unconsciously she had +revealed her love of that which is pretty and inviting; therefore +Susan, not content with being neat, was inclined to brighten +her costume by an occasional ribbon, and to suggest comparisons +between her fresh and youthful bloom and an opening flower that she +would fasten in her hair as the summer day declined. So far from +resenting this imitation of her own habits and tastes, Mildred at +last recognized the young girl's awakening perceptions of womanly +grace with much satisfaction. Even poor Mrs. Atwood exhibited a +tendency to emerge from her chronic and rather forlorn condition +of household drudge. For years she had known and thought of little +else save sordid work, early and late. The income from the small +farm permitted no extra help except on rare occasions, and then was +obtained under protest from her husband, who parted with a dollar +as he would with a refractory tooth. His strong and persistent will +had impressed itself on his family, and their home life had been +meagre and uninviting; the freedom and ease that he and Roger +were so loath to lose, consisting chiefly in careless dress and a +disregard of the little refinements and courtesies of life. + +It was with some self-reproach that Mildred admitted that for +nearly a month she had practically ignored these people, and that +she was becoming selfish in her trouble; and yet, not so much from +a sense of duty, as from a kindling zest in life, she began to take +an interest in them and their ways. She was still far too young +for her spirit to lose its spring, even under a continuous weight +of misfortune. Her nature was not morbid, but sunny and wholesome, +and when with the children and Belle unexpected smiles would brighten +her face like glints of sunshine here and there on a cloudy day. +Deep as had been her wounds, she found that there were moments when +she half forgot their pain, and an instinct of self-preservation +taught her that it would be best to forget them as far as possible. + +When the thought of trying to refine the somewhat rude household +in which she dwelt occurred to her, she discovered that the work +was already well begun, for the chief condition of success was +present--the disposition to do as she would like. The Atwoods soon +surmised that the family was in trouble of some kind, and were able +to distinguish between pride of caste and a sorrowful preoccupation. +It was scarcely in Mrs. Jocelyn and Mildred's nature to speak otherwise +than gently and kindly, and so without trying they disarmed their +hosts and won their sympathy. Notwithstanding their dejection and +lassitude, they maintained the habits of their lives, and unwittingly +gave Mrs. Atwood and her daughter a vague impression that neatness, +attractiveness, and order were as essential as good morals. + +At first Roger had dressed more roughly than ever, in order to +assert his right to his old ways, but as Mildred did not protest +even by a glance, he next took pains to show her that he had "good +clothes" if he chose to wear them. This fact she also accepted without +the faintest interest, and so at last he was rather nonplussed. +He was not accustomed to being politely ignored, and since he felt +a growing interest in this new type of girl, he had an increasing +desire to make her aware of his existence. "Hang it all," he would +mutter, "I'm no more to her than Jotham and the other farm animals. +What can a fellow do to make her look at him as if she saw him? +She's very kind and polite and all that; she'd as soon hurt the +brindle cow as me, but this fact is not very flattering. However, +I'll find you out, my lady, and you too shall learn that the one +whom you now regard as an object merely has a will and a way of +his own." + +Therefore it may be guessed that in Roger Mildred might discover +more docility and plastic readiness than she desired. Only old Mr. +Atwood and Jotham seemed incorrigible material; but she did not +despair even of them, and resolved to set about reclaiming this +family from barbarism at once. + + + + +CHAPTER VII + +COMPARISONS + + +"Mrs. Atwood," said Mildred one Saturday evening, "I'll go with you +to church to-morrow if you'll let me. Belle has been once, and it +will be my turn to-morrow." + +"Oh, certainly, miss; you will go with Roger in the buggy, I s'pose, +like Miss Belle." + +"If you please, I'd rather go with you." + +"Really, miss, the roads have been muddy of late, and the wagon +isn't very nice." + +"I would rather go with you," pleaded Mildred, with an appeal in +her blue eyes that few resisted. + +"Father," said Mrs. Atwood, as soon as her husband came in, "Miss +Jocelyn wishes to go with us to meeting to-morrow. Can't you or +Roger tidy up the wagon a bit? 'Tain't fit for her to ride in." + +"There'tis again--more time spent in fixing up and fussing than +in looking after the main chance. You are all gettin' too fine for +plain farmin' people." + +"I don't see why plain farming people need enjoy mud more'n other +folks. You ought to be ashamed to ask your wife and daughter to +ride in such a wagon." + +"I don't know why I should be more ashamed to-morrow than on any +other Sunday, and you was never ashamed before. Your boarders don't +seem inclined to take any rides and pay for them, so I don't see +why I should fix up any more'n usual. Anyhow, it's too late now; +Jotham's gone home, I'm too tired, and Roger's dressed to go out. +Why can't she go with Roger?" + +"She says she'd rather go with us, and if you men-folk let her +ride in that wagon I hope the minister will give you a scorching +sermon"--and she turned toward her son, who, dressed in his rural +finery, was finishing an early supper, To her surprise he, from +whom she expected no aid, gave her a significant nod and put his +finger on his lips. He had already decided upon one bold stratagem, +in the hope of opening Mildred's eyes, and if this failed his +mother's words suggested another line of policy. + +"Sue," he said, with affected carelessness, "I may bring Amelia +Stone to spend part of the evening with you." + +"Amelia Stone isn't my style, if the young men do say she's the +prettiest girl in town." + +"If you don't treat her well she'll think you're jealous," said +Roger, and with this artful stroke he departed to carry out his +experiment. "I'll teach my city lady that I'm not a clodhopper that +other girls won't look at," he thought as he drove away. + +Everything went according to his mind, for Amelia broke an engagement +in order to come with him, and was very friendly. The young fellow +thought that Mildred must see that he was not a person to be politely +ignored when so handsome a girl was flattering in her favors. +Susan would not be thought jealous for the world, and so was rather +effusive over Miss Stone. She also imbibed the idea that it might +be a good chance to make Mildred aware that they knew some nice, +stylish people; therefore, as the rural beauty mounted the steps of +the porch she introduced her to Mildred and Belle. Roger meanwhile +stood near, and critically compared the two, girls. They certainly +represented two very different types, and he might have brought a +score of his acquaintances that would have been more to Mildred's +taste than the florid beauty whose confidence was boldness, and +who had inventoried her own pronounced charms more often than had +any of her admirers. One girl was a lily, with a character like +a delicate, elusive fragrance; the other, a tulip, very striking, +especially at a distance. The one no more asserted herself than did +the summer evening; the manner of the other the same as button-holed +all present, and demanded attention. Her restless black eyes openly +sought admiration, and would speedily sparkle with anger and malice +should their request be unrewarded. Roger was quick enough to feel +Mildred's superiority, although he could scarcely account for it, +and he soon experienced so strong a revulsion of feeling toward +his unconscious ally that he would have taken her home again with +a sense of relief. + +"If Miss Jocelyn thinks that's the style of girl that takes with +me, I might as well have remained a scarecrow. Amelia Stone seems +loud as a brass band beside her," and his gallantries perceptibly +diminished. + +True to her nature, Amelia assumed toward him what she imagined +were very pretty airs of proprietorship. Eoger knew well that her +manner would have been the same toward the youth with whom, from +a sudden caprice, she had broken her engagement for the evening. +Her habitual coquetry nevertheless unwittingly carried out his +original programme with a success that made him grind his teeth +with rage, for he supposed that Mildred would gain the idea that +they were congenial spirits drawn together by strong affinities. + +And she, half divining his vexation, shrewdly increased it by +pretending to associate him with the transparent coquette, while +at the same time manifesting disapproval of her by a fine reserve. +Amelia felt herself scanned quietly, coldly, and half curiously, +as if she belonged to some strange and hitherto unknown type, and +her vivacious egotism began to fail her. She was much relieved +therefore when Mildred excused herself and went to her room, +for careless, light-hearted, and somewhat giddy Belle imposed no +restraint. Roger, however, did not recover himself, for he saw that +he had made a false step in his effort to win recognition from +Mildred, and he waited impatiently until his companion should suggest +returning. This she soon did, and they rode toward her home with +a mutual sense of dissatisfaction. At last Amelia broke out, "I +think she's absurdly proud!" + +"Who?" Eoger asked demurely. + +"You know who well enough. I thank my stars we have no city folks +putting on airs around our house. I suppose you think her perfection. +You looked as if you did." + +"I'm not acquainted with her," he said quietly. + +"Not acquainted! Darsn't you speak to her high mightiness then?" + +"Oh, yes, I can speak to her when there is occasion, but that does +not make one acquainted. I don't understand her." + +"I do, perfectly. She thinks herself a wonderful deal better than +you or me." + +"Perhaps she is," he admitted. + +"Well! that's a nice speech to make to ME! I was a fool to break +my engagement and go with you." + +"All right," responded Eoger, with satirical good-nature, as he +assisted her to alight; "we'll both know better next time." + +She would not speak to Mm again, but he escorted her to her door, +and bowed in parting with mocking politeness. Instead of inviting +him in, as was her custom, she closed the door with a sharpness +that spoke volumes. + +"I don't believe Miss Jocelyn ever banged a door like that in her +life," he muttered with a smile as he hastened homeward. + +Hearing unusual sounds in the farmyard before retiring, Mildred +peeped out from under her curtain. The moonlight revealed that +Roger was washing the wagon with a vigor that made her laugh, and +she thought, "After what I have seen this evening, I think I can +civilize him." + + + + +CHAPTER VIII + +CHANGES + + +Bent upon carrying out her project of introducing among the Atwoods +a more gracious and genial family life, and lured by the fresh +coolness of the summer morning, Mildred left her room earlier than +usual. Mrs. Atwood, whose one indulgence was a longer sleep on +the day of rest, came down not very long after and began bustling +about the kitchen. Hitherto their meals had been served to the +Jocelyns in the sitting-room, the farmer and his family eating +as before in the kitchen. Mildred felt that they had no right to +impose this extra labor on Mrs. Atwood, especially on the Sabbath, +and she also thought it would do her mother good to be roused from +the listless apathy into which she was sinking. These were her +chief motives, but she knew that at no other place could people be +taught the refinements of life more effectually than at the table, +and it was her plan to bring about the changes she desired, without +appearing to be the conscious cause. + +"Mrs. Atwood," she said, "why can we not all take our breakfast +together in the sitting-room this morning? I have noticed that +your hired man is absent on Sundays"--her zeal for reform would +not induce her to sit down with Jotham--"and I can see no reason +why you should have the task to-day of preparing two meals. Of +course, if this is not agreeable to you let there be no change, +but do not put yourself to the extra trouble on our account." + +"Well, now, miss, you are very kind, and to tell you the truth, I +was thinking of this very thing, but we don't wish to intrude." + +"Intrude, Mrs. Atwood!" exclaimed Mildred, assuming surprise. "I +don't understand you, and shall now feel hurt if we do not take +our meals together to-day." + +"It's very good of you to think of us, and Susan and me will have +a more restful day." + +Mildred gave her one of her rare smiles, which Mrs. Atwood said +"lighted up the old kitchen like a ray of sunshine," and then went +to prepare her mother and sister for the change. Belle was pleased, +as she ever was with novelty. + +"Millie," she cried, "you shall sit next to that great animal, +Jotham, and if you don't take care he'll eat you unawares." + +"Jotham is not here to-day, and I'll have him fed in the kitchen +hereafter." + +"Have you become mistress of the farmhouse? Has Roger made proposals? +Won't it be fun to hear Mr. Atwood grumble! There is nothing I enjoy +more than to hear him grumble and old Gruff growl. They must be +chips off the same block." + +Mrs. Jocelyn shrank from seeing and speaking to any one, bat was +much too unselfish to impose extra tasks on Mrs. Atwood. + +Susan soon came down to assist her mother, and was delighted at the +prospect of taking her meals in the sitting-room, feeling that it +was a decided social promotion. Moreover, like all young girls, +she longed for companionship, and believed that Mildred would now +be more approachable. + +By and by Roger came from the barnyard in his working-clothes, and +seeing no preparations for breakfast in the kitchen, exclaimed: + +"So we heathen must sit down to the second table to-day." + +"Yes, if you wish. Susan and me are going to take our breakfast in +the sitting-room with Mrs. Jocelyn and her family." + +"Am I not invited?" he asked a little anxiously. + +"There's no need of any invitation. You have as much right there +as I have, only I would not come in looking like that." + +"They won't like it--this new arrangement." + +"It seems to me that you have grown very considerate of what they +like," put in Susan. + +"Miss Jocelyn proposed it herself," Mrs. Atwood said, "and if you +and father would fix up a little and come in quietly and naturally +it would save a deal of trouble. If I can't get a little rest on +Sunday I'll wear out." + +Roger waited to hear no more, and went hastily to his room. + +Mr. Atwood was more intractable. He distinguished the Sabbath from +the rest of the week, by making the most of his larger leisure to +grumble. + +"I'm in no state to sit down with those people," he growled, after +the change and the reasons for it had been explained to him. + +"I'm glad you feel so," his wife replied; "but your old clothes +have not yet grown fast to you; you can soon fix yourself up, and +you might as well dress before breakfast as after it." + +He was perverse, however, and would make no greater concession to +the unwelcome innovation than to put on his coat. Mildred smiled +mentally when she saw him lowering at the head of the table, but an +icicle could no more continue freezing in the sun than he maintain +his surly mood before her genial, quiet greeting. It suggested +courtesy so irresistibly, and yet so unobtrusively, that he already +repented his lack of it. Still, not for the world would he have +made any one aware of his compunctions. Mrs. Atwood and Susan had +their doubts about Roger, fearing that he would rebel absolutely +and compel a return to their former habits. They were all scarcely +seated, however, before he appeared, a little flushed from his +hasty toilet and the thought of meeting one who had been cold and +disapproving toward the belle of Forestville, but Mildred said +"good-morning" so affably and naturally that he was made quite at +ease, and Mrs. Jocelyn, who had seemed unapproachable, smiled upon +him so kindly that he was inclined to believe her almost as pretty +as her daughter. As for Belle and the children, he already felt +well acquainted with them. Mrs. Atwood and Susan looked at each +other significantly, for Roger was dressed in his best and disposed +to do his best. Mildred saw the glance, and felt that the young +fellow deserved some reward, so she began talking to him in such +a matter-of-course way that before he was aware he was responding +with a freedom that surprised all the family, and none more than +himself. Mildred was compelled to admit that the "young barbarian," +as she had characterized him in her thoughts, possessed, in the item +of intelligence, much good raw material. He not only had ideas, +but also the power of expressing them, with freshness and vivacity. +She did not give herself sufficient credit for the effects that +pleased her, or understand that it was her good breeding and good +will that banished his tongue-tied embarrassment. The most powerful +influences are usually the most subtle, and Roger found, as had +Vinton Arnold and others, that for some cause Mildred evoked the +best there was in him. + +Poor Mrs. Jocelyn did not have very much to say. Her depression +was too deep to be thrown off appreciably, but she replied to Mrs. +Atwood's remarks with her wonted gentleness. Belle's spirits soon +passed all bounds, and one of her wild sallies provoked a grim +smile from even Mr. Atwood, and she exulted over the fact all day. +In brief, the ice seemed quite broken between the family and the +"boarders." + +The old farmer could scarcely believe his eyes when he went out +to harness the horses to the three-seated wagon, for it was neat +and clean, with buffalo robes spread over the seats. "Well," he +ejaculated, "what's a-coming over this here family, anyway? I'm +about all that's left of the old rusty times, and rusty enough I +feel, with everybody and everything so fixed up. I s'pose I'll have +to stand it Sundays, and the day'll be harder to git through than +ever. To-morrow I'll be back in the kitchen again, and can eat my +victuals without Miss Jocelyn looking on and saying to herself, +'He ain't nice; he don't look pretty'; and then a-showin' me by the +most delicate little ways how I ought to perform. She's got Roger +under her thumb or he wouldn't have cleaned up this wagon in the +middle of the night, for all I know, but I'm too old and set to be +made over by a girl." + +Thus grumbling and mumbling to himself, Mr. Atwood prepared to take +his family to the white, tree-shadowed meeting-house, at which he +seldom failed to appear, for the not very devotional reason that +it helped him to get through the day. Like the crab-apple tree in +the orchard, he was a child of the soil, and savored too much of +his source. + +Roger was of finer metal, and while possessing his father's shrewdness, +hard common-sense and disposition to hit the world between the eyes +if it displeased him, his nature was ready at slight incentive, +to throw off all coarseness and vulgarity. The greater number of +forceful American citizens are recruited from the ranks of just +such young men--strong, comparatively poor, somewhat rude in mind +and person at the start, but of such good material that they are +capable of a fine finish. + +Roger had grown naturally, and healthily, thus far. He had surpassed +the average boy on the play-ground, and had fallen slightly below +him in the school-house, but more from indifference and self-assurance +than lack of ability. Even his father's narrow thrift could not +complain of his work when he would work, but while a little fellow +he was inclined to independence, and persisted in having a goodly +share of his time for the boyish sports in their season, and for +all the books of travel and adventure he could lay his hands upon. +In spite of scoldings and whippings he had sturdily held his own, +and at last his father had discovered that Roger could be led much +better than driven, and that by getting him interested, and by +making little agreements, like that concerning the buggy, the best +of the bargain could always be obtained, for the youth would then +work with a will and carry out his verbal contracts in a large, +good-natured way. Therefore Mildred's belief that he was good raw +material for her humanizing little experiment had a better foundation +than she knew. Indeed, without in the least intending it, she might +awaken a spirit that would assert itself in ways as yet undreamed +of by either of them. The causes which start men upon their careers +are often seemingly the most slight and causal. Mildred meant nothing +more than to find a brief and kindly-natured pastime in softening +the hard lives and in rounding the sharp angles of the Atwood +family, and Roger merely came in for his share of her attention. +Flesh and spirit, however, are not wood and stone, and she might +learn in deep surprise that her light aesthetic touches, while +producing pleasing changes in externals, had also awakened some +of the profoundest motives and forces that give shape and color to +life. + +In smiling ignorance of such possibilities, she said to him as +she came out on the porch dressed for church, "You have given your +mother and me also a pleasant surprise, and we shall enjoy our ride +to church far more, not only because the wagon is nice and clean, +but also because of your thoughtfulness of our pleasure. The wagon +looked so inviting from our windows that I have induced my mother +to go, and to take the children. I think they will keep still. We +will sit near the door, and I can take them out if they get tired." + +Her words were very simple, but she spoke them with a quiet grace +all her own, while pulling her glove over a hand that seemed too +small and white for any of the severer tasks of life. As she stood +there in her pretty summer costume, a delicate bloom in her cheeks +relieving the transparent fairness of her complexion, she seemed to +him, as Amelia Stone had said, perfect indeed--and the young girl +could not suppress a smile at the almost boyish frankness of his +admiration. + +"You gave me a pleasant surprise, also," he said, flushing deeply. + +"I?" with a questioning glance. + +"Yes. You have brought about a pleasant change, and made breakfast +something more than eating. You have made me feel that I might be +less nigh of kin to Jotham than I feared." + +"I shall imitate your frankness," she replied, laughing; "you are +not near so nigh of kin to him as I feared." + +"I have not forgotten that you thought me identical with him," he +could not forbear saying. + +"I did not mean to hurt your feelings," she answered, with deepening +color. + +"Oh, you were not to blame in the least," he said good-naturedly. +"I deserved it." + +"You must remember, too," she continued, deprecatingly, "that +I am a city girl, and not acquainted with country ways, and so +have charity." Then she added earnestly, "We do not want to put a +constraint on your family life, or make home seem less homelike to +you all." + +Mrs. Jocelyn with Belle and the children were descending the stairs. +"I misunderstood you, Miss Jocelyn," said Roger, with a penitent +look, and he hastily strode away. + +"I've disarmed him," thought Mildred, with a half smile. She had, +a little too completely. + +Belle claimed her old place with Roger, and their light wagon was +soon lost in the windings of the road. + +"Millie," whispered Belle, as the former joined her at church, "what +could you have said to Roger to make him effervesce so remarkably? +I had to remind him that it was Sunday half a dozen times." + +"What a great boy he is!" answered Mildred. + +"The idea of my teaching him sobriety seemed to amuse him amazingly." + +"And no wonder. You are both giddy children." + +"Until to-day, when you have turned his head, he has been very aged +in manner. Please let him alone hereafter; he is my property." + +"Keep him wholly," and the amused look did not pass from Mildred's +face until service began. + +Dinner was even a greater success than breakfast. Mrs. Jocelyn had +become better acquainted with Mrs. Atwood during the drive, and they +were beginning to exchange housekeeping opinions with considerable +freedom, each feeling that she could learn from the other. Fearing +justly that a long period of poverty might be before them, Mrs. +Jocelyn was awakening to the need of acquiring some of Mrs. Atwood's +power of making a little go a great way, and the thought of thus +becoming able to do something to assist her absent husband gave +her more animation than she had yet shown in her exile. Mildred +ventured to fill her vase with some hardy flowers that persisted +in blooming under neglect, and to place it on the table, and she +was greatly amused to see its effect on Roger and Mr. Atwood. The +latter stared at it and then at his wife. + +"Will any one take some of the flowers?" he asked at last, in +ponderous pleasantry. + +"I think we all had better take some, father," said Roger. "I would +not have believed that so little a thing could have made so great +a difference." + +"Well, what is the difference?" + +"I don't know as I can express it, but it suggests that a great +deal might be enjoyed that one could not put in his mouth or his +pocket." + +"Mr. Roger," cried Belle, "you are coming on famously. I didn't +know that you were inclined, hitherto, to put everything you liked +in your mouth or pocket. What escapes some people may have had." + +"I never said I liked you," retorted the youth, with a touch of the +broad repartee with which he was accustomed to hold his own among +the girls in the country. + +"No, but if I saw that you liked some one else I might be alarmed"--and +she looked mischievously toward Mildred. + +For reasons inexplicable to himself, he fell into a sudden confusion +at this sally. + +With a warning glance at the incorrigible Belle, whose vital +elements were frolic and nonsense, Mildred began talking to Mr. +Atwood about the great hotel a few miles distant. + +"Would you like to go there?" asked Roger after a little. + +"No," she said; "I have not the slightest wish to go there." Indeed +there was nothing that she shrank from more than the chance of +meeting those who had known her in the city. + +Later in the day Susan said to her mother, with much satisfaction, +"She's not stuck up at all, and we might have found it out before. +I can't go back to the kitchen and live in our old haphazard way. +I can see now that it wasn't nice at all." + +"We'll see," said the politic Mrs. Atwood. "We mustn't drive father +too fast." + +Roger felt that at last he was getting acquainted, and he looked +forward to the long summer evening with much hope. But nothing +happened as he expected, for Mildred was silent and preoccupied +at supper, and Mrs. Jocelyn appeared to have relapsed into her old +depression. + +Instead of going out in his buggy to spend the evening with one +of his many favorites, as had been his custom, he took a book and +sat down under a tree near the porch, so that he might join Mildred +if she gave him any encouragement to do so. Belle found him taciturn +and far removed from his gay mood of the morning, and so at last +left him in peace. + +Sue was entertaining a rural admirer in the parlor, which was rarely +used except on such momentous occasions, and all was propitious for +a quiet talk with the object of his kindling interest. His heart +beat quickly as he saw her appear on the porch with her hat and +shawl, but instead of noticing him she went rapidly by with bowed +head and climbed an eminence near the house, from which there was +an extended view to the southward. He felt, as well as saw, that +she wished to be alone, that he was not in her thoughts, that she +was still as distant from him as he had ever imagined her to be. The +shadows deepened, the evening grew dusky, the stars came out, and +yet she did not return. For a long time he could see her outline +as she sat on the hill top, and then it faded. He knew she was +in trouble, and found a vague pleasure in watching with her, in +remaining within call should she be frightened, knowing, however, +that there was little danger of this in quiet Forestville. Still, +the illusion that he was in some sense her protector pleased him +in his sentimental mood, and in after years he often recalled this +first faint foreshadowing of his lot. + +Could he have seen the poor girl, when at last, conscious of +solitude and darkness, she gave way to the passionate grief that, +for her mother's sake, she had so long repressed, he would have +felt that she was distant indeed--far removed by experiences of +which he as yet knew nothing. She had been gazing southward, toward +the city in which her father was vainly seeking a foothold on the +steep incline up which the unfortunate must struggle, and in fancy +she saw him lonely, dejected, and deprived of the family life of +which he was so fond. Her sympathy for him was as deep as her strong +affection. But in spite of her will her thoughts would recur to +the beautiful dream which had been shattered in that distant city. +Not a word had she heard from Arnold since leaving it, and her +heart so misgave her concerning the future that she threw herself +on the sod, sobbing bitterly, and almost wishing that she were +beneath it and at rest. In the deep abstraction of her grief she +had scarcely noted the lapse of time, nor where she was, and the +moon had risen when she again glided by Roger, her step and bearing +suggesting lassitude and dejection. + +Soon after he entered the sitting-room, where he found his mother +with a troubled look on her face. "Roger," she said, "I feel sorry +for these people. When I went upstairs a while ago I heard Mrs. +Jocelyn crying in her room, and coming down with the lamp I met the +young lady on the stairs, and her eyes were very red. It's certain +they are in deep trouble. What can it be? It's queer Mr. Jocelyn +doesn't come to see them. I hope they are all right." + +"Mother," he burst out impetuously, "they are all right--she is, +anyway," and he went abruptly to his room. + +"Well," remarked the bewildered woman sententiously, "there never +were such goings on in the old house before." + +An event momentous to her had indeed taken place--Roger's boyish +days were over. + + + + +CHAPTER IX + +NEITHER BOY NOR MAN + + +The two following weeks passed uneventfully at the farmhouse, but +silent forces were at work that were as quiet and effective as those +of Nature, who makes her vital changes without ever being observed +in the act. In respect to the domestic arrangements Mrs. Atwood +effected a sensible compromise. She gave the men-folk an early +breakfast in the kitchen, so that they might go to their work +as usual, and her boarders were thus not compelled to rise at +an unaccustomed hour. She and Susan afterward sat down with them, +and Mr. Atwood and Roger joined them at dinner and supper. On the +Monday following the scenes described in the last chapter, Mildred +and Mrs. Jocelyn were listless and unable to recover even the +semblance of cheerfulness, for a letter from Mr. Jocelyn informed +them that he was making very little headway, and that some agencies +which he accepted yielded but a scanty income. Mildred chafed more +bitterly than ever over her position of idle waiting, and even grew +irritable under it. More than once Roger heard her speak to Belle +and the children with a sharpness and impatience which proved +her not angelic. This did not greatly disturb him, for he neither +"wanted to be an angel" nor wished to have much to do with +uncomfortable perfection. A human, spirited girl was quite to his +taste, and he was quick-witted enough to see that unrest and anxiety +were the causes of her temper. Poor Mrs. Jocelyn was too gentle for +irritation, and only grew more despondent than ever at hope deferred. + +"Millie," she said, "I have dreadful forebodings, and can never +forgive myself that I did not think night and day how to save instead +of how to spend. What should we do if we had no money at all?" + +"Belle and I must go to work," said Mildred, with a resolute face, +"and it's a shame we are not at work now." + +"What can you do when your father can do so little?" + +"Other poor people live; so can we. I can't stand this wretched +waiting and separation much longer," and she wrote as much to her +father. In the hope of obtaining a response favorable to her wishes +she became more cheerful. Every day increased her resolution to +put an end to their suspense, and to accept their lot with such +fortitude as they could command. + +One morning she found Mr. and Mrs. Atwood preparing to go to the +nearest market town with butter, eggs, and other farm produce. +She readily obtained permission to accompany them, and made some +mysterious purchases. From this time onward Roger observed that +she was much in her room, and that she went out more for exercise +than from the motive of getting through with the weary, idle hours. +For some reason she also gained such an influence over thoughtless +Belle that the latter took tolerably good care of little Fred +and Minnie, as the children were familiarly called. While she +maintained toward him her polite and friendly manner, he saw that +he was forgotten, and that it had not entered her mind that he +could ever do anything for her or be anything more to her than at +the present time. But every hour she gained a stronger hold upon +his sympathy, and occasionally, when she thought herself unobserved, +he saw a troubled and almost fearful look come into her eyes, as if +something were present to her imagination that inspired the strongest +dread. At such times he was mastered by impulses of self-sacrifice +that would have seemed very absurd if put into plain words. He +kept his thoughts, however, to himself, and with an instinctive +reticence sought to disguise even from his mother the feelings that +were so new, and so full of delicious pain. That he was becoming +quite different from the careless, self-satisfied young fellow that +he had been hitherto was apparent to all, and after his outburst +on Sunday evening his mother half guessed the cause. But he misled +her to some extent, and Susan altogether, by saying, "I've had a +falling-out with Amelia Stone." + +"Well, she's the last girl in the world that I'd mope about if I +were a man," was his sister's emphatic reply. + +"You're not a man; besides I'm not moping. I'm only cutting my +wisdom teeth. I want to do something in the world, and I'm thinking +about it." + +"He's a-growing," said his mother with a smile, and on this theory +she usually explained all of her son's vagaries. + +He still further misled his unsophisticated sister by making no +special effort to seek Mildred's society. After one or two rather +futile attempts he saw that he would alienate the sad-hearted +girl by obtrusive advances, and he contented himself by trying +to understand her, in the hope that at some future time he might +learn to approach her more acceptably. The thought that she would +soon leave the farmhouse depressed him greatly. She had suggested +to him a new and wholly different life from that which he had led +hitherto, and he felt within himself no power or inclination to +go on with his old ways. These thoughts he also brooded over in +silence, and let himself drift in a current which seemed irresistible. + +During this period he was under the influence of neither apathy nor +dejection. On the contrary, his mind was surging with half-formed +plans, crude purposes, and ambitious dreams. His horizon lifted +from the farm and Forestville until there seemed space for a notable +career. His soul kindled at the thought of winning a position that +would raise him to Mildred's side. So far from fearing to burn his +ships, and strike out unsupported, the impulse grew strong to make +the attempt at any cost. He was sure that his father would not +listen to the project, and that he would be wholly unaided, but +riot many days passed before the thought of such obstacles ceased +to influence him. "I'll take my way through the world, and cut +my own swath," he muttered a hundred times as he swung the scythe +under the July sun. + +Moreover, he had a growing belief in his power to climb the heights +of success. His favorite books of travel and adventure that he had +devoured in boyhood made almost anything seem possible, and the +various biographies that the village library furnished revealed +grand careers in the face of enormous obstacles. His mind was awaking +like a young giant eager for achievement. Even after the toil of +long, hot days he took up his old school-books in the solitude of +his room, and found that he could review them with the ease with +which he would read a story. "I've got some brains as well as +muscle," he would mutter, exultantly. "The time shall come when +Mildred Jocelyn won't mistake me for Jotham." + +Poor Mr. Atwood would have been in consternation had he known +what was passing in his son's mind; and Mildred even less pleased, +for after all it was she who had inspired the thoughts which were +transforming him from a simple country youth into an ambitious, +venturesome man. + +He knew of but one way to please her, but he made the most of +that, and worked quietly but assiduously whenever he could without +exciting his father's opposition. After the day's tasks were over +the time was his own. He began by cutting all the weeds and grass +in the door-yard and around the house. Palings that had disappeared +from the fence were replaced, and all were whitewashed. + +Mrs. Atwood and Susan were greatly pleased at the changes, but thought +it politic not to say much about them; one evening, however, his +father began to banter him, remarking that Roger must be intending +to "bring home a wife some fine morning." The young fellow reddened +resentfully, and brusquely retorted that they "had lived in their +old slovenly way long enough. People might well think they were +going to the bad." This practical view somewhat reconciled his +father to the new ideas, and suggested that Roger was not so daft +as he feared. A little time after he was led to believe his son to +be shrewder than himself. Needing some money, he took a note to the +bank with much misgiving, but was agreeably surprised when one of +the officers said affably, "I think we can accommodate you, Mr. +Atwood. I was by your place the other day, and it is so improved +that I scarcely knew it. Thrift and credit go together." + +But Mildred doubted whether thrift and policy were the only motives +which had led to Roger's unwonted action, and believed rather that +he had awakened to a perception of the value and attractiveness +of those things which hitherto he had not appreciated. This, in a +sense, was already true, but had she known to what extent she was +in his thoughts she would not have smiled so complacently when, +on the Saturday morning after the completion of his other labors, +she noted that the weed-choked flower-borders along the walk had +been cleaned and neatly rounded up, and the walk itself put in +perfect order. "The flower-beds remind me of himself," she thought, +as from time to time she glanced at them through her open window. +"They contain a good deal of vacant space, and suggest what might +be there rather than what is. Would to heaven, though, that Mr. +Arnold had more of his muscle and decision. If Vinton were only +different, how different all the future might be! But I fear, +I fear. We have not enough money to last all summer if we remain +here, and father writes so discouragingly. Thank God, I'm no longer +idle, whether anything comes of my work or not," and the delicate +piece of fancy work grew rapidly in her deft hands. + +Toward evening she started out for a walk, but uttered an exclamation +of surprise as she saw the flower-borders were bright with verbenas, +heliotrope, geraniums, and other bedding plants. Roger's buggy +stood near, containing two large empty boxes, and he was just raking +the beds smooth once more in order to finish his task. + +"Why, Mr. Atwood!" she cried, "it has long seemed to me that a good +fairy was at work around the house, but this is a master-stroke." + +"If you are pleased I am well repaid," he replied, the color +deepening on his sunburned cheeks. + +"If I am pleased?" she repeated in surprise, and with a faint +answering color. "Why, all will be pleased, especially your mother +and Susan." + +"No doubt, but I thought these would look more like what you have +been accustomed to." + +"Really, Mr. Atwood, I hope you have not put yourself to all this +trouble on my account." + +"I have not put myself to any trouble. But you are in trouble, Miss +Jocelyn, and perhaps these flowers may enliven you a little." + +"I did not expect such kindness, such thoughtfulness. I do not see +that I am entitled to so much consideration," she said hesitatingly, +at the same time fixing on him a penetrating glance. + +Although he was much embarrassed, his clear black eyes met hers +without wavering, and he asked, after a moment: "Could you not +accept it if it were given freely?" + +"I scarcely understand you," she replied in some perplexity. + +"Nor do I understand you, Miss Jocelyn. I wish I did, for then I +might do more for you." + +"No, Mr. Atwood," she answered gravely, "you do not understand me. +Experience has made me immeasurably older than you are." + +"Very possibly," he admitted, with a short, embarrassed laugh. "My +former self-assurance and complacency are all gone." + +"Self-reliance and self-restraint are better than self-assurance," +she remarked with a smile. + +"Miss Jocelyn," he began, with something like impetuosity, "I would +give all the world if I could become your friend. You could do so +much for me." + +"Mr. Atwood," said Mildred, with a laugh that was mixed with +annoyance, "you are imposed upon by your fancy, and are imagining +absurd things, I fear. But you are good-hearted and I shall be a +little frank with you. We are in trouble. Business reverses have +overtaken my father, and we are poor, and may be much poorer. I may +be a working-woman the rest of my days; so, for Heaven's sake, do +not make a heroine out of me. That would be too cruel a satire on +my prosaic lot." + +"You do not understand me at all, and perhaps I scarcely understand +myself. If you think my head is filled with sentimental nonsense, +time will prove you mistaken. I have a will of my own, I can assure +you, and a way of seeing what is to be seen. I have seen a great +deal since I've known you. A new and larger world has been revealed +to me, and I mean to do something in it worthy of a man. I can +never go on with my old life, and I will not," he continued, almost +passionately. "I was an animal. I was a conceited fool. I'm very +crude and unformed now, and may seem to you very ridiculous; but +crudity is not absurdity, undeveloped strength is not weakness. An +awakening mind may be very awkward, but give me time and you will +not be ashamed of my friendship." + +He had ceased leaning against a tree that grew near the roadway, +and at some distance from the house. In his strong feeling he forgot +his embarrassment, and assumed an attitude so full of unconscious +power that he inspired a dawning of respect; for, while he seemed +a little beside himself, there was a method in his madness which +suggested that she, as well as the young man, might eventually discover +that he was not of common clay and predestined to be commonplace. +But she said, in all sincerity, "Mr. Atwood, I'm sure I wish you +twice the success you crave in life, and I've no reason to think +you overrate your power to achieve it; but you greatly overrate me. +It would be no condescension on my part to give you my friendship; +and no doubt if you attain much of the success you covet you will +be ready enough to forget my existence. What induces you to think +that a simple girl like me can help you? It seems to me that you +are vague and visionary, which perhaps is natural, since you say +you are just awaking," she concluded, with a little smiling sarcasm. + +"You are unjust both to yourself and to me," he replied firmly, +"and I think I can prove it. If I shall ever have any power in +the world it will be in seeing clearly what is before me. I have +seldom been away from this country town, and yet as soon as I saw +you with a mind free from prejudice I recognized your superiority. +I brought the belle of Forestville and placed her by your side, +and I could think of nothing but brazen instruments until I left +her loudness at her father's door. I would not go near her again if +there were not another woman in the world. I saw at a glance that +she was earthenware beside you." + +Mildred now could not forbear laughing openly. "If you lose your +illusions so rapidly," she said, "my turn will come soon, and I +shall be china beside some fine specimen of majolica." + +"You may laugh at me, but you will one day find I am sincere, and +not altogether a fool." + +"Oh, I'm ready to admit that, even now. But you are altogether +mistaken in thinking I can help you. Indeed I scarcely see how I +can help myself. It is a very poor proof of your keen discernment +to associate me with your kindling ambition." + +"Then why had you the power to kindle it? Why do I think my best +thoughts in your presence? Why do I speak to you now as I never +dreamed I could speak? You are giving purpose and direction to my +life, whether you wish it or not, whether you care or not. You may +always be indifferent to the fact, still it was your hand that wakened +me. I admit I'm rather dazed as yet. You may think I'm talking to +you with the frankness--perhaps the rashness--of a boy, since you +are 'immeasurably older,' but the time is not very distant when I +shall take my course with the strength and resolution of a man." + +"I should be sorry to be the very innocent cause of leading you +into thorny paths. I truly think you will find more happiness here +in your quiet country life." + +His only answer was an impatient gesture. + +"Perhaps," she resumed, "if you knew more of the world you would +fear it more. I'm sure I fear it, and with good reason." + +"I do not fear the world at all," he replied. "I would fear to lose +your esteem and respect far more, and, distant as you are from me, +I shall yet win them both." + +"Mr. Atwood, I suppose I have as much vanity as most girls, but +you make me blush. You are indeed dazed, for you appear to take me +for a melodramatic heroine." + +"Pardon me, I do not. I've been to the theatre occasionally, but +you are not at all theatrical. You are not like the heroines of +the novels I've read, and I suppose I've read too many of them." + +"I fear you have," she remarked dryly. "Pray, then, What am I like?" + +"And I may seem to you a hero of the dime style; but wait, don't +decide yet. What are you like? You are gentle, like your mother. +You are exceedingly fond of all that's pretty and refined, so much +so that you tried to introduce a little grace into our meagre, +angular farmhouse life--" + +"Thanks for your aid," interrupted Mildred, laughing. "I must admit +that you have good eyes." + +"You shrink," he resumed, "from all that's ugly, vulgar, or coarse +in life. You are an unhappy exile in our plain home." + +"All which goes to prove what an ordinary and unheroic nature I have. +You will soar far beyond me, Mr. Atwood, for you have portrayed a +very weak character--one that is in love with the niceties of life, +with mere prettiness." + +"You are still laughing at me, but I'm in earnest; and if you mean +what, you say, you understand yourself less than you do me. Why +will you not go to the hotel occasionally? Because with all your +gentleness you are too proud to run the slightest risk of patronage +and pity from those who knew you in your more fortunate days. Why +do you remain in your little hot room so much of the time? I don't +know; but if you will permit a guess, you are working. Every day +you grow less content to sit still in helpless weakness. You are +far braver than I, for I do not fear the world in the least; but, +no matter how much you feared it, you would do your best to the last, +and never yield to anything in it that was low, base, or mean. Oh, +you are very gentle, very delicate, and you will be misunderstood; +but you have the strongest strength there is--a kind of strength +that will carry you through everything, though it cost you dear." + +"And what may that be?" she asked, looking at him now in genuine +wonder. + +"I can't explain exactly what I mean. It is something I've seen +in mother, plain and simple as she is. It's a kind of enduring +steadfastness; it's a patient faithfulness. I should know just where +to find mother, and just what to expect from her, under all possible +circumstances. I should never expect to see you very different from +what you are, no matter what happened. You often have the same look +or expression that she has; and it means to me that you would do +the best you could, although discouraged and almost hopeless. Very +few soldiers will fight when they know the battle is going against +them. You would, as long as you could move a finger." + +"Mr. Atwood, what has put all this into your head? This seems very +strange language from you." + +"It is not so strange as it seems. It comes from the gift on which +I base my hope of success in life. I see clearly and vividly what +is before me, and draw my conclusions. If I see the antlers of a +stag above some bushes, it is not necessary to see the whole animal +to know he is there, and what kind of a creature he is. I'm not a +scholar, Miss Jocelyn, but you must not think I do not know anything +because I work in the corn or the hayfield all day. We have long +winters up here, and I've studied some and read a great deal more. +There are but few books in the village library that I have not +read more or less thoroughly, and some of them many times. Because +I was a careless, conceited fellow a few weeks since, it does not +follow that I'm an ignoramus." + +Mildred was decidedly puzzled. She could not account for the change +in him; and she did not like to think of that to which his words +and feelings pointed. He asked for friendship, but she strongly +doubted whether such a placid regard would long satisfy him. Her +chief impulse was to escape, for the bare thought of words of love +from him or any one except Vinton Arnold was intensely repugnant. +As she glanced around, seeking in what direction she might take +her flight, she saw a gentleman coming rapidly toward the house. +After a second's hesitation she rushed toward him, crying, "Papa, +papa, you are welcome!" + + + + +CHAPTER X + +A COUNCIL + + +Roger saw Miss Jocelyn rush into the arms of a tall, florid gentleman, +whose dark eyes grew moist at the almost passionate warmth of his +daughter's greeting. To Mildred her father's unexpected coming was +thrice welcome, for in addition to her peculiarly strong affection +for him, his presence ended an interview not at all agreeable, and +promised relief from further unwelcome attentions on the part of +Roger. Almost in the moment of meeting, she resolved to persuade +him that his family would be happier with him in the city. This +had been her feeling from the first, but now she was wholly bent on +leaving the farm-house; for with her larger experience and womanly +intuition she read in Roger's frank and still half-boyish face the +foreshadowing of an unwelcome regard which she understood better +than he did. + +While his manner for a few weeks past, and especially his words +during their recent interview, made it clear that he was not the +rough, awkward rustic she had first imagined him to be, he still +seemed very crude and angular. In spite of her love for Vinton Arnold, +which had not abated in the least, he had ceased to be her ideal +man. Nevertheless, his refined elegance, his quiet self-restraint, +his knowledge of the niceties and proprieties of the world to which +she felt she belonged by right, did combine to produce an ideal +in her mind of which she was but half conscious, and beside which +Roger appeared in a repulsive light. She shrank with instinctive +distaste from his very strength and vehemence, and feared that she +would never be safe from interviews like the one just described, +and from awkward, half-concealed gallantries. Even the flowers +he had set out became odious, for they represented a sentiment the +very thought of which inspired aversion. + +A coquette can soon destroy the strong instinct of sacredness and +exclusiveness with which an unperverted girl guards her heart from +all save the one who seems to have the divine right and unexplained +power to pass all barriers. Even while fancy free, unwelcome advances +are resented almost as wrongs and intrusions by the natural woman; +but after a real, or even an ideal image has taken possession of +the heart and imagination, repugnance is often the sole reward of +other unfortunate suitors, and this dislike usually will be felt +and manifested in a proportion corresponding with the obtrusiveness +of the attentions, their sincerity, and the want of tact with which +they are offered. + +To that degree, therefore, that Roger was in earnest, Mildred +shrank from him, and she feared that he would not--indeed, from +his antecedents could not--know how to hide his emotions. His words +had so startled her that, in her surprise and annoyance, she imagined +him in a condition of semi-ambitious and semi-amative ebullition, +and she dreaded to think what strange irruptions might ensue. +It would have been the impulse of many to make the immature youth +a source of transient amusement, but with a sensitive delicacy +she shrank from him altogether, and wished to get away as soon as +possible. Pressing upon her was the sad, practical question of a +thwarted and impoverished life--impoverished to her in the dreariest +sense--and it was intolerable that one who seemed so remote from +her sphere should come and ask that, from her bruised and empty +heart, she should give all sorts of melodramatic sentiment in +response to his crude, ambitious impulses, which were yet as blind +as the mythical god himself. + +Had she seen that Roger meant friendship only when he asked for +friendship, she would not have been so prejudiced against him; +but the fact that this "great boy" was half consciously extending +his hand for a gift which now she could not bestow on the best +and greatest, since it was gone from her beyond recall, appeared +grotesque, and such a disagreeable outcome of her changed fortunes +that she was almost tempted to hate him. There are some questions +on which women scarcely reason--they only feel intensely. + +Mildred, therefore, was heartily glad that Roger did not wait to +be introduced to her father, and that he kept himself aloof from +the reunited family during the evening. She also was pleased that +they were not joined by the Atwoods at the supper-table. That this +considerate delicacy was due to the "young barbarian's" suggestion +she did not dream, but gave good-hearted but not very sensitive +Mrs. Atwood all the credit. As for poor Roger, his quick insight, +his power to guess something of people's thoughts and feelings from +the expression of their faces, brought but little present comfort +or promise for the future. + +"I made a bad impression at the start," he muttered, "and it will +be long before she loses it, if she ever does. She shrinks from me +as from something coarse and rough. She feels that I don't belong +to her world at all. In fact, her father's fine bearing, his erect, +elegant carriage make me feel as if I were but a country lout +in very truth." The reception given to Mr. Jocelyn satisfied Mrs. +Atwood thoroughly that his prolonged absence did not result from +any alienation from his family. They overwhelmed him with caresses, +and either Fred or Minnie could scarcely be kept out of his arms +a moment. + +"Fanny," he said to his wife, "I almost made a vow that I would +not come here until I had secured a position that would give you +all the comforts of life, if not at once its luxuries; but such +positions are occupied, and when one becomes vacant they are filled +by relatives of the firm, or by those who have stronger claims +than I can present. Still my friends are working for me, and I have +the prospect of employment where the compensation will be small at +first, but if I can draw a considerable Southern trade it will be +increased rapidly." + +And yet he sighed while revealing this hopeful outlook, and Mildred +noticed that he sighed more than once during the evening, in spite +of the torrent of affectionate welcome which almost swept him away. + +After Belle and the younger children were sleeping, the husband and +wife with Mildred talked late over their prospects. Mr. Jocelyn +suggested that they should remain in the country, and even that +they should rent a small cottage in Forestville or elsewhere, but +his gentle wife soon proved that on some occasions she could be +decided. + +"No, Martin," she said, with the quiet emphasis which reveals a +purpose not to be combated, "one thing is settled--there must be +no more separation. I have suffered too much during these last few +weeks ever to listen again to such an arrangement. Now that you +are with us once more, I learn that the ache in my heart was caused +not so much by losses and the prospect of poverty as by loneliness +and the feeling that you were left to struggle by yourself. It's +my place to be with you, and I am willing to live anywhere and in +any way. I can see that I might have aided you in providing against +this evil time, but it seems now that I thought only of what we +wanted for each day as it came, and the trouble was that we all got +just what we wanted. Here is the result. Oh, I've thought it over +through long sleepless nights till my heart ached with a pain that +I hope none of you will ever know. But to sit idly here and wait +while you are trying to retrieve my folly is a greater punishment +than I can endure. Give me something to do which will be of help to +you, and I will do it gladly, even though it be in two attic rooms." + +"Mamma's right," added Mildred earnestly. "Papa, you must find a +place for us in New York--a place within our means. Let us begin +life right this time, and I believe God will bless and prosper +us. It won't be many days before Belle and I will find something +to do." + +Mr. Jocelyn sighed more deeply than ever, and, indeed, appeared +so overcome for a few moments that he could not speak. At last +he faltered, "I have all of a Southern man's pride, and it's more +bitter than death to me that my wife and daughters must work for +their bread." + +"Papa," exclaimed Mildred, "would it not be infinitely more bitter +to us all to eat the bread of charity? I shall pretend to no unnatural +heroism, nor say I like toil and poverty. On the contrary, I think +I shrink from such things more than most girls do. But I don't +propose to sit down and wring my hands. I can put them to a better +use. We must just put away all talk of pride and sentiment, and +remember only our poverty and self-respect. As Christian and sensible +people we are bound to accept of our life and make the best of it. +You and mother both know how much this change has cost me," she +concluded, with a few half-stifled sobs, "and if I am willing to +enter on a cheerful, patient effort to make the best of life as it +is, I think all the rest might, too. If we give way to despondency +we are lost. Let us be together again, and pull together as one." + +"The idea of Nan and the children coming back to the city in August!" +said Mr. Jocelyn dejectedly. "You don't either of you realize what +you are talking about. We should have to go into a tenement-house." + +"Martin, I do realize it," replied his wife earnestly. "The country +is doing me no good--indeed I'm failing in health. Nothing does +us good when we are unhappy and anxious. Find me two rooms in a +tenement-house if we cannot afford more, and let us be together as +soon as possible." + +"Well," said Mr. Jocelyn, after a long breath, "with such a wife +and such children to work for a man ought to be able to do great +things; but it's much the same as it was in the army--if one lost +his place in the ranks he was hustled about in everybody's way, +and if weak and disabled he was left to his fate. The world goes +right on and over you if you don't stand aside. I know you've +suffered, Nan, and you know that if I had my wish you would never +have a care or a pain; but God knows I suffered too. After you all +were gone and my duties to my former partners ceased, I began to +learn from experience how difficult it is in these cursed times to +get a foothold, and I became almost sleepless from anxiety. Then +set in that villanous neuralgia, which always strikes a man when +he's down,' and for a week or more it seemed that I should almost +lose my reason. + +"Oh, Martin, Martin!" his wife exclaimed reproachfully, "and you +did not let us know!" + +"Why should I? It would only have added to your burden, and would +not have helped me. I was glad you knew nothing about it." + +"This is another proof that we must be together," said his wife, +her eyes filling with tears. "How did you come to get better?" + +"Oh, the doctor gave me something that made me sleep, and I seldom +have neuralgia now." + +"Come, papa," cried Mildred, as she put her arms around his neck +and leaned her face against his, "there are thousands worse off +than we are, and thousands more have retrieved far worse disasters. +Now take courage; we'll all stand by you, and we'll all help you. +We will one day have a prettier home than ever, and it will be +all our own, so that no one can drive us from it;" and with hope +springing up in her heart she tried to inspire hope and courage in +theirs. + +"Oh, Millie," he said, taking her on his lap, "when you coax and +pet one you are irresistible. We WILL begin again, and win back +all and more than we have lost." + +Then, partly to amuse her father and mother, but more for the +purpose of hastening their departure, Mildred told them of Roger's +peculiar mood, and her conscience smote her a little as she +caricatured rather than characterized the youth. Mrs. Jocelyn, in +her kindliness, took his part, and said, "Millie, you are satirical +and unjust I'm sure he's a well-meaning young man." + +"The dear little mother!" cried Mildred, laughing; "when she can't +think of anything else good to say of a person, she assures us +that he is 'well-meaning.' Life may bring me many misfortunes, but +I shall never marry what mamma calls 'a well-meaning man.'" + +"But, Millie, I'm sure he's been very good and kind to us all, and +he's kind to his mother and sister, and he seems steady--" + +"Well, mamma, admitting it all, what follows?" asked Mildred. + +"It follows that we had better go away," said Mrs. Jocelyn, with +her low, sweet laugh, that had been rarely heard of late; "but I +don't like you to be unjust to the young fellow. After all, he's +not so very much to blame, Millie," she added, with a little nod. +"If I were he I fear I might be in the same fix." + +"Oh, papa, now we must go; for if mamma's sympathies are once +aroused in behalf of this 'steady, well-meaning young man'--there! +I will talk no more nonsense to-night, although I often find +nonsense a sort of life preserver that keeps me from sinking. I +admit, mamma, that I have been unjust to Mr. Atwood. He's far more +clever than I ever imagined him to be, but he's so different"--she +finished the sentence with a little repellent gesture that her +mother well understood. + +They were all comforted, and far more hopeful from their frank +interchange of thought and feeling, and both father and mother +breathed a fervent "God bless you, Millie," as they separated, long +past midnight. + +"God will bless us," said the young girl, "if we will just simply +try to do what is right and best every day. The blessing will come +on doing, not waiting." + +She had not been in her room very long before hearing the crunching +of gravel under the wheels of Roger's buggy. With a smile she +thought, "He must have found a more sympathizing ear and heart than +mine to have remained out so late." + + + + +CHAPTER XI + +A SHADOW + + +"Mrs. Atwood," said Mildred the next morning, "I want to thank +you for your kindness in giving us our supper alone with papa the +first evening of his arrival; but you need not put yourself to any +extra trouble to-day." + +"Roger is the one to thank," replied Mrs. Atwood. "He's grown so +different, so considerate like, that I scarcely know him any more +than I do the old place he's so fixed up. He says he's going to +paint the house after the summer work slacks off. I don't see what's +come over him, but I like the change very much." + +Mildred flushed slightly, but said, with some constraint, "Please +thank him then from papa and mamma, but do not let us make you +further trouble. We shall all return to the city soon, and then +you will have easier times every way." + +"I'm sorry to hear that, Miss Jocelyn, for we shall miss you all +very much. You've done us good in more ways than one." + +Roger did not appear at breakfast. "A young horse strayed from the +pasture, and Roger is out looking for him," his mother explained +when Mrs. Jocelyn asked after him. + +Although not a member of any church, Mr. Jocelyn had great respect +for his wife and daughter's faith, and accompanied them to service +that morning very readily. Roger appeared in time to take Belle, +as usual, but she found him so taciturn and preoccupied that she +whispered to Mildred, "You've spoiled him for me. He sits staring +like an owl in the sunlight, and seeing just about as much. You +ought to be ashamed of yourself to make him so glum. I intend to +have a dozen beaux, and to keep them all jolly." + +Mildred was obliged to admit to herself that the young fellow was +very undemonstrative at dinner, and that he did not exhibit the +rusticity that she half hoped to see. She gained the impression +that he was observing her father very closely, and that no remark of +his escaped him. "He has the eyes of a lynx," she thought, with a +frown. Still, apart from a certain annoyance at his deep interest in +her and all relating to her, she was rather pleased at the impression +which such a man as her father must make on one so unsophisticated. +Mr. Jocelyn was a finished man of the world, and his large experience +left its impress on all that he said and did. Although a little +courtly in manner, he was so kindly and frank in nature that +his superiority was not at all oppressive, and with true Southern +bonhomie he made the farmer's family quite at ease, leading them +to speak freely of their rural affairs. Susan soon lost all sense +of restraint and began to banter her brother. + +"You must have had a very affecting time in making up with Amelia +Stone to have stayed out so late," she remarked sotto voce. + +"I've not seen Amelia Stone since the evening she was here," he +answered dryly. + +"Indeed! what other charmer then tied you to her apron-strings so +tightly? You are very fickle." + +"Now you've hit it," he answered, with a slight flush. "I was so +undecided that I drove by every door, and was not tied at all." + +Belle "made eyes" at Mildred, as much as to say, "It's you who are +distracting him." + +"Next time," Sue continued, "I think it would be well to make up +your mind before Sunday morning." + +"My mind is made up," replied Roger--Belle looked at Mildred with +an expression of horror, to her intense annoyance--"I shall trouble +no one," he added, quietly. + +Belle now gave such a great sigh of relief that he turned upon her +too swift a glance to leave time for disguise. He smiled a little +bitterly, and then began talking in an off-hand way to Mr. Jocelyn +about the hotel a few miles distant, saying that it had filled +up very rapidly of late. As they rose from the table he remarked, +hesitatingly, "My horse and wagon are at your service this afternoon +or evening if you would like to take a drive." + +Mr. Jocelyn was about to accept, but Mildred trod significantly on +his foot. Therefore he thanked Roger cordially, and said he would +spend a quiet day with his family. + +"I don't wish to be under the slightest obligations to him," +explained Mildred when they were alone; "and Belle," she warned, +"you must stop your nonsense at once. I won't endure another trace +of it." + +"Oh, indeed! I didn't know you were so touchy about him," cried +the girl. "Is it for his sake or your own that you are so careful? +You're stupid not to let him amuse you, since you've spoiled him +for me." + +Her sister made no reply, but gave the giddy child a glance that +quieted her at once. When Mildred was aroused her power over others +was difficult to explain, for, gentle as she was, her will at times +seemed irresistible. + +Roger did not need to be told in so many words that his overtures +of "friendship" had been practically declined. Her tones, her +polite but distant manner revealed the truth clearly. He was sorely +wounded, but, so far from being disheartened, his purpose to win +her recognition was only intensified. + +"I can at least compel her respect and prove myself her equal," he +thought, and instead of lounging or sleeping away the afternoon, as +had been his custom, he took a book and read steadily for several +hours. At last he left his room to aid his father in the evening +labors of the farm-yard, and in doing so would have to pass near +Mr. Jocelyn, who, with his family, was seated under a wide-spreading +tree. The gentleman evidently was in a very genial mood; he was +caressing his children, flattering his wife and Mildred, and rallying +Belle after her own frolicsome humor. Roger thought, as he looked +at them a few moments through the kitchen window, that he had +never seen a happier family, and with a sigh wished that it was his +privilege to join them without being thought an intruder. Mildred's +reserve, however, formed an impassable barrier, and he was hastening +by with downcast eyes, when, to his surprise and the young girl's +evident astonishment, Mr. Jocelyn arose and said, "Ah, Mr. Atwood, +we're glad to see you. Won't you join our little party? I want +to thank you again for offering me your horse and carriage, but +I assure you that a quiet hour like this with one's family after +long separation is happiness enough. Still, as a Southern man, I +appreciate courtesy, and am always ready to respond to it in like +spirit. Moreover, it gives me peculiar pleasure to see a Northern +man developing traits which, if they were general, would make the +two great sections of our land one in truth as well as in name." + +Roger gave Mildred a quick, questioning glance, and saw that she +was regarding her father with much perplexity. + +"Mr. Jocelyn," he said quietly, "the little courtesy of which you +speak has cost me nothing, and if it had it would not be worth the +words you bestow upon it." + +"I do not think of the act itself so much as the spirit, the +disposition it indicates," resumed Mr. Jocelyn in a manner that was +courtly and pronounced, but otherwise natural and quiet enough. "I +do not judge superficially, but look past apparent trifles to the +character they suggest. Moreover, my wife informs me that you have +been very polite to her, and very kind to Belle and the children, +whom you have often taken out to drive without any compensation +whatever. Since you will not make a business matter of such +things, I wish to repay you in the coin which gentleman can always +receive--that of friendly acknowledgments." + +"Then please consider me amply repaid," and with a smile and a bow +he was about to retire. + +"Do not hasten away, sir," Mr. Jocelyn began again. "On this, day of +rest your duties cannot be pressing. I want to assure you further +of the pleasure I have in finding a young man who, so far from being +rendered callous and material by hard and rather homely work, is +alive to all refining influences. The changes in this place for +the better since I was here, and those pretty flowers yonder, all +prove that you have an eye for the beautiful as well as the practical. +My daughter Mildred also informs me that you are cherishing hopes +and ambitions that will eventually enlarge your sphere of life and +take you out into the great world." + +Hitherto Roger's eyes had been fixed keenly and unwaveringly on +Mr. Jocelyn's urbane countenance, as if he would detect the cause +of such unlooked-for words, but at the mention of Mildred's name +his brow and even neck was suffused. "She must have spoken of me +kindly," he thought, "or her father would not be so friendly." But +when a swift glance around revealed that Mrs. Jocelyn was looking +at her husband in perplexity, that Mildred was not even trying to +conceal her vexation and amazement, and that Belle had stuffed her +handkerchief into her mouth to prevent laughter, a spark of anger +glittered in his eyes. His first thought was that Mr. Jocelyn was +indulging in unexpected irony at his expense, and the ready youth +whose social habits had inured him to much chaffing was able to +reply, although a little stiffly and awkwardly, "I suppose most +young men have ambitious hopes of doing something in the world, and +yet that does not prevent mine from seeming absurd. At any rate, +it's clear that I had better reveal them hereafter by deeds rather +than words," and with a very slight bow he strode away, but not so +quickly that he failed to hear Mildred's voice in the exclamation, +"Oh, papa! how could you?" and then followed a paroxysm of laughter +from Belle. + +Roger was deeply incensed, for he believed that Mr. Jocelyn and +Belle were deliberately ridiculing him. That Mildred had repeated +his conversation was evident, but her manner showed that she did +not expect his words to be used against him so openly, and that she +had no part in the cruel sport. The worst he could charge against +her was exclusive pride; and he did Mrs. Jocelyn the justice to +see that she was pained by the whole affair. His face grew rigid +as he finished his work and he muttered, "They shall see that my +pride is equal to theirs: I won't go out of my way a hair-breadth +for them," and he walked in to supper as if he were at home and had +an absolute right to be there. He had been at the table but a few +moments, however, before the aspect of the Jocelyn family began to +puzzle him exceedingly. Belle appeared as if she had been crying; +Mrs. Jocelyn looked perplexed and worried, and in Mildred's eyes +there were anxiety and trouble. Mr. Jocelyn had not lost his serenity +in the least, but his aspect now was grave, and his manner more +courtly than ever. He did not seem inclined to say very much, +however, and had an abstracted, dreamy look as if his thoughts +were far away. When he did speak, Roger thought that Mildred looked +apprehensive, as if fearing that he might again say something +embarrassing, but his words were quiet and measured, betraying no +excitement. The expression of his face, however, seemed unnatural +to Roger's close yet furtive scrutiny. An hour before his eyes had +been bright and dilated, and his countenance full of animation; now +all the light and cheerfulness were fading, and the man seemed to +grow older and graver by moments. Was the dusky pallor stealing +across his features caused by the shadows of evening? Roger thought +not, but a resentful glance from Mildred warned him to curb his +curiosity. + +He was curious, but not in a vulgar or prying way, and his anger was +all gone. He was sure that something was amiss with Mr. Jocelyn, +and that his family also was disturbed and anxious. There had been +none of the incoherency and excitement of a man who had drank too +much, but only a slight exaggeration of the genial traits manifested +at the dinner-table followed by a quietude and abstraction that were +not natural. Mental aberrations, even though slight and temporary, +are instinctively felt by those who are sound and normal in mind. +Still Roger would have charged Mr. Jocelyn's words and manner to +the peculiarities of a stranger, had not his family been perplexed +and troubled also. "There's something wrong about him," he said +to himself as he rose from the table; "he lacks balance, or he's +not well. I half believe that the time will come when that young +girl will be the stay and support of the whole family. You cannot +prevent my friendliness, Miss Jocelyn, any more than you can stop +the sun from shining, and some day it will melt all your reserve +and coldness." He took his volume of history out on the sward near +the porch, resolving to see the end of the domestic drama. His +mother had told him during the day that their "boarders" would soon +depart. He had made no response whatever, but his sinking spirits +revealed to him that in some way his life had become involved with +that of the girl now so distant and repellent. + +He did not turn many leaves, but he sat with the book in his lap +until long after nightfall. The domestic drama apparently had a very +prosaic ending. Mr. Jocelyn and his family returned for a time to +their seats under the trees, but all except the little children +were apparently under some constraint. The latter soon grew sleepy, +and Mrs. Jocelyn took them in to bed. Belle was not long in following +them, darting an ireful glance at Roger in passing, to which he +responded by a rather mocking smile. "We were having a lovely time +till you came, you old marplot," she muttered under her breath. + +Mr. Jocelyn grew more and more quiet until his head sank on +his breast, and it was with difficulty that Mildred aroused him +sufficiently to urge his retiring. At last he took his daughter's +arm and entered the house as if in a dream. The young girl's face +was downcast and averted. As they passed between the youth and the +still glowing west they cast a faint shadow upon him. Though by +no means imaginative, he noted the shadow and thought about it. It +seemed that it still rested on him after they were gone, and that +it might never pass away. His was not a dreamy, fanciful nature, +that could create a score of improbable contingencies, but his +shrewd, strong sense was quick to recognize traces of weakness and +untrustworthiness in those he met, and the impression grew upon him +that Mr. Jocelyn was not a well-balanced man. "If he fails her, I +will not," he murmured. Then with a short laugh he continued, "How +is it that I am ready to admit such a far-reaching claim from one +who repels and dislikes me? I don't know, and I don't care. She +has waked me up; she has the power of calling into action every +faculty I have. Already, I scarcely know myself. I never lived +before, and I feel that I can become a man--perhaps a great man--if +I follow this impulse, and I shall follow it." + +Soon all were sleeping, and mother and daughter were alone. + +"Mamma," said Mildred, in a low, troubled tone, "it seemed to me +that papa acted very strangely this afternoon and evening. Can he +be well?" + +"Oh, Millie," cried the loving, anxious wife, "I fear he is not +well at all; and no wonder, when we think of the long strain he has +been under. Haven't you noticed that his appetite is very poor? +to-night he scarcely ate a mouthful. He has just been trying to keep +up ever since he came, and this afternoon he made unusual effort; +reaction of course followed, and at last he was so weary and troubled +that he could not hide his feelings from us." + +"I suppose you take the right view," said Mildred hesitatingly, +"but papa has not seemed the same this afternoon as at other times +when tired and worried. His gayety was a little extravagant, and +so it might naturally be if it were forced. But I can't understand +his speaking to young Mr. Atwood as he did. Papa never showed such +a lack of tact or delicacy before. I would not dare tell him things +if he spoke of them afterward so inopportunely. I felt as if I +could sink into the ground. And when Belle--who can't help seeing +everything in a ridiculous light--began to laugh he turned and spoke +to her as he has never spoken to any of us before, And yet he did +not seem angry, but his gravity was more oppressive than any amount +of natural anger." + +"Well, Millie, your father is very kind-hearted, and, like all +Southern men, very sensitive to kindness and courtesy. I suppose he +thought that you and Belle had not treated Roger well, and that he +ought to make amends. The real explanation is that he is overstrained +and unhappy, and so cannot act like himself." + +"I do hope he is not going to be ill," faltered Mildred. "Such a +strange lethargy came over him after you left us. Oh, the day is +ending horribly, and it leaves a weight of foreboding on my mind. +I wish we could get away tomorrow, for I feel that Roger Atwood +is watching us, and that nothing escapes him. I know that papa's +manner seemed strange to him as well as to us, and I almost hate +him for his obtrusive and prying interest. Why can't he see that +he's nothing to us, nor we to him, and let us alone?" + +She often recalled these words in after years. + +The wife went to her room and found that her husband was sleeping +quietly. Returning, she said, more cheerily, "I think papa will be +like himself after a good night's sleep, and there's every promise +now that he'll get it; so don't look on the dark side, Millie, nor +worry about that young man. He don't mean to be obtrusive, and I must +say that I think he behaves very well considering. With troubles +like ours, why think of such a transient annoyance? If I only knew +just how I could help your father I would not think about much +else." + +It would have been well indeed if she could have known, for she +would have taken from his pocketbook a small syringe and a bottle +of Magendie's solution of morphia; she would have entreated him +upon her knees, she would have bound him by the strongest oaths to +die rather than to use it again. The secret of all that was peculiar +and unnatural in his conduct can be explained by the fact that +early in the afternoon he went apart for a moment, and with a little +innocent-looking instrument injected into his arm the amount of +the fatal drug which he believed he could enjoy without betraying +himself. + + + + +CHAPTER XII + +VIEWLESS FETTERS + + +Although Mr. Jocelyn had retired so early and slept heavily until +an hour that at the farmhouse was late, the reader knows that +his sleep was not the natural repose which brings freshness and +elasticity. His wife and Mildred, however, did not know this, and +his languor, continued drowsiness, and depression, which even much +effort could not disguise, confirmed their dread of an impending +illness. He saw their anxiety, and took advantage of their fears +to hide his weakness. + +"Yes," he sighed, in response to their gentle solicitude as he pushed +away his almost untasted breakfast, "I suppose my health has been +impaired by worry of mind and the heat in town. I'm better, though, +than I have been. I don't see how you are going to endure the city." + +They both assured him, however, that they would not even consider +any other arrangement except that already agreed upon, and urged +that he should return to town that very day, his wife adding that +just as soon as he had secured rooms within their means she would +join him and prepare them for the family. + +"Oh, Nan," he again said dejectedly, "it's a cruel fate which +compels me to take you to a tenement-house in August." + +"It would be far more cruel to leave me here," his wife answered +earnestly. "I could be happy anywhere if you were your old natural +self once more. Millie and I can both see that struggling alone +and brooding by yourself over your troubles is not good for you," +and her gentle but determined purpose carried the day. + +Mr. Jocelyn was then directed to a somewhat distant field, where +he found Roger, who readily agreed to take him to the steamboat +landing in the afternoon. Lifting his eyes from his work a few +moments afterward, the young man saw that his visitor, instead of +returning to the house, had sat down under a clump of trees and +had buried his face in his hands. + +"There's a screw loose about that man," he muttered. "He's too uneven. +Yesterday at dinner he was the most perfect gentleman ever I saw; +in the afternoon he had a fit of pompous hilarity and condescension; +then came abstraction, as if his mind had stepped out for a time; +and now, after twelve hours of sleep, instead of feeling like +a lark, he looks as though he might attend his own funeral before +night, and walks as if his feet were lead. He mopes there under +the trees when he has but a few more hours with his family. If I +had such a wife and such a daughter as he has, I'd cut a swath for +them, no matter what stood in the way." + +But Roger's censure was slight compared with that which Mr. Jocelyn +visited upon himself; and in order to understand his feelings and +conduct, it will be necessary to relate some experiences which +occurred after the departure of his family to the country. Throughout +the entire winter he had been under a severe strain of business +anxiety, and then had come the culminating scenes of failure, +loss of income, and enforced and unhappy separation. His natural +depression had been so increased by the meagre prospect of finding +employment which would yield his family an adequate support, that +even his increased and more frequent indulgence in his morphia +powders failed to give sufficient hopefulness and courage, while at +the same time they began to produce some serious disorders in his +system. There is a class of diseases which rarely fails to attack +one whose system is reduced and enfeebled, and neuralgia began +to bind across his forehead a daily pressure of pain that at last +became intolerable. Ordinary remedies not giving speedy relief, +his physician injected into his arm a few drops of the solution +of morphia. Thus far he had never used the drug in solution +hypodermically, and he was much surprised by the agreeable effects +of a very much smaller quantity than he had been accustomed to +use on any one occasion, and his morphia hunger--already firmly +established--immediately suggested that the little syringe might +become a far more potent agent than the powders. Therefore he +induced the physician to give him an order for the instrument, and +to explain more fully the methods of its use, saying that attacks +of neuralgia were generally rather obstinate in his case, and that +he had neither the time nor the means to seek his services very +often. + +The physician's few words of warning made but slight impression +upon the infatuated man at the time. Mr. Jocelyn remembered only +that he had an intolerable pain in his head and a heavy weight upon +his heart. Many a time during the long civil war he had smilingly +led charges wherein the chances of death were greater than those +of life, but neither then nor since had he ever displayed any great +aptitude for quiet endurance and self-control. Now every day was +precious, and he felt he could not give himself up to pain and +patient waiting until the disease could be conquered in a slow, +legitimate way, when by a wound no more than a pin-prick he could +obtain courage, happiness, and prospects illimitable. + +Having obtained the syringe and a vial of the solution of morphia, +he injected into his arm a much larger quantity than the physician +would have dreamed of employing. Not only did the unendurable +anguish pass away within a few brief moments, but the world was +transfigured; life's grim outlook became full of the richest promise, +and discouragement and dread vanished utterly. So far from fearing +that he could not provide for his family, he was sure that he +could win for them abundance and luxury. A dozen avenues to fortune +opened before him, and he felt that his only task was to choose, +believing that in some indefinite yet easily discerned way he +would achieve more than falls to the lot of most men to accomplish. +Instead of a long, sleepless night like those which had preceded, +his waking dreams ended in quiet and equally pleasant visions--then +oblivion, which did not pass away until the morning sun was shining. +But with the new day came a new access of pain and gloom, and the +aid of the magic little instrument was invoked once more. Again +within a few moments the potent drug produced a tranquil elysium +and a transformed world of grand possibilities. With a vigor which +seemed boundless, and hopes which repeated disappointments could +not dampen, he continued his quest for employment until in the +declining day his spirits and energy ebbed as strangely as they had +risen in the morning, and after another night of dreams and stupor +he awoke in torture. The powerful stimulant enabled him to repeat +the experiences of the previous day, and for two or three weeks +he lived in the fatal but fascinating opium paradise, gradually +increasing the amount of morphia that his system, dulled by habit, +demanded. In the meantime, by the lavish use of quinine he gradually +banished his neuralgia with its attendant pain. + +It is well known to those familiar with the character of opium that +its effects are greatly enhanced at first by any decided change in +the method of its use; also that its most powerful and immediate +influences can be produced solely by the hypodermic needle, since +by means of it the stimulant is introduced at once into the system. +When taken in powders, the glow, the serenity, and exaltation come +on more slowly, and more gradually pass away, causing alternations +of mood far less noticeable than those produced by immediate +injection of the poison. Therefore it was not at all strange that +Mr. Jocelyn's family should remain in complete ignorance of the +habit which was enslaving him, or that his behavior failed to excite +the faintest suspicion of the threatening influences at work. There +is no vice so secret as that of the opium slave's, none that is in +its earlier stages more easily and generally concealed from those +who are nearest and dearest. The changes produced in Mr. Jocelyn +were very gradual, and seeing him daily even his loving wife did +not note them. + +During the period of unnatural exaltation that has been described +he had accepted agencies which promised thousands if he could sell +millions of dollars' worth of goods, and after the subtle morphia +had infused itself through his system nothing seemed easier; but +dreams are not realities, and after grand hopes unfulfilled, and +futile efforts, he would sink into a despondency from which nothing +could lift him save the little syringe that he carried hidden next +to his heart. As its magic never failed him, he went on for a time, +blind to the consequences. At last he began to grow more alarmed +than ever before at the ascendency of the drug and his dependence +upon it, but when he tried to discontinue its use he found that he +had been living so long under the influence of a powerful stimulant +that without it he sank like a stone. Then came the usual compromise +of all weak souls--he would gradually decrease the amount and then +the frequency of its use; but, as is generally the case, he put off +the beginning of sturdy self-denial until the morrow, and almost +every day he poisoned his system with that which also poisoned and +demoralized his soul. He dimly saw his danger, but did not realize +it. With the fatuity of all self-indulgent natures he thought the +day would come when, with better prospects and health renewed, he +would throw away the spell which bound him and become a free man, +but day after day passed and he did not; his appetite began to +flag and his energy also; he would sit dreaming for hours when he +might have been at work. At best his agencies would give him but a +scanty revenue, although pushed with extraordinary skill and vigor. +As it was, they yielded him little more than personal support, and +he began to entertain the hope that if he could only obtain regular +employment he could then resume his old regular habits. Therefore +he had agreed to accept a position which was little more than +a foothold, and yet if he would go to work with a determined and +patient industry he might, by means of it, win more than he had +lost. + +Could he do this? The Sunday he had just spent with his family had +awakened him as never before to a sense of his bondage. Even with +the society of those he loved to enliven and sustain he had felt +that he could not get through the day without the help of the +stimulant upon which he had grown so dependent. While at church +it was not the clergyman's voice he heard, but a low yet imperious +and incessant cry for opium. As he rode home, smiling upon his wife +and children, and looking at the beautiful and diversified country, +between them and the landscape he ever saw a little brass instrument +gauged at four or five times the amount that the physician had +at first inserted in his arm. At the dinner table he had spoken +courteously and well on many subjects, and yet ever uppermost in +his mind was one constant thought--opium. The little diabolical +thing itself seemed alive in his pocket, and made its faint yet +potent solicitation against his heart. At last he had muttered, "I +will just take a little of the cursed stuff, and then I must begin +to break myself in dead earnest." + +The reader knows what followed. Moreover, he was led to fear that +the alternations of mood caused by injections of morphia would be +so great that they could not fail to excite remark. Although the +new day brought every motive which can influence a man, Mr. Jocelyn +found the path to freedom so steep and difficult that the ascent +seemed well-nigh impossible. His muscles were relaxed, his whole +frame so weary and limp that he even dreaded the effort required +to return to the house where his family was waiting for him. But +the physical oppression was nothing to that which weighed upon his +mind. The sense of misery and discouragement was paralyzing, and +he was fairly appalled by his lack of energy. And yet he felt his +need of power and resolution as keenly as he realized his feebleness. +He knew that he had appeared unnatural to his wife and children, +and that while they now ascribed his behavior to the long strain +he had been under, their loving and charitable blindness could not +last if he often exhibited before them such variable moods and +conditions. Therefore he felt that he must overcome the habit before +they were together permanently, for to permit them to discover his +vile weakness in this time of their great need would be a mortal +wound to his pride. All his manhood revolted at the bare thought. +Their trust, their love, their dependence and unrepining courage +in meeting poverty and privation with him imposed the strongest +and most sacred of obligations, and his high sense of honor--which +hitherto had been his religion--made failure to meet these +obligations the most awful disaster that could overwhelm him. The +means of escaping from his wretchedness and dejection--from the +horrible lassitude of body and soul--could be grasped in a moment, +and the temptation to use them and become within a few minutes +a strong, sanguine, courageous man was almost irresistible; but +he knew well that such an abrupt change from the heavy, dull-eyed +condition in which they had seen him at the breakfast table could +not fail to arouse suspicion; and should they once discern his +crime--for crime he now regarded it--he feared his self-respect +would be so destroyed that he would never have the pride and strength +for the struggle now clearly foreseen; therefore, with the instinct +of self-preservation, and from the impulse of all his native and +long-fostered Southern pride, he resolved that they must never know +his degradation. He must rally his shattered forces, spend the few +hours before his departure with his family in a way to lull all +fears and surmises; then when away by himself he would tug at his +chain until he broke it. Summoning the whole strength of his will +he returned to the house, and succeeded fairly well. + +Could he break his chain? The coming pages of this book will reveal +his struggle and its termination. Alas! it is no fancy sketch, but +a record of human experience that is becoming sadly frequent. The +hunger for opium had grown upon Mr. Jocelyn by its almost constant +use for nearly two years. During weeks of pain he had almost +lived upon the drug, saturating his system with it. It had come to +him like an angel of light, lifting him on buoyant pinions out of +suffering and despondency, but the light was fading from the wings +and brow of this strong spirit, and it was already seen to be an +angel of darkness. + +At this time Mr. Jocelyn might have escaped from his thraldom, but +would he? The world is full of people who are proud and self-respecting +in the extreme, who are honorable and virtuous, good and kindly +at heart, but whose wills are nerveless, though they may go safely +through life without suspecting the truth; but if they fall under +the influence of an evil habit--if they pass under this mightiest +and darkest of all spells, opium hunger--they may learn their +weakness in despair. + +Mr. Jocelyn, however, had no thought of despair; he was only +surprised, humiliated, and somewhat alarmed; he was satisfied that +he must drift no longer, and in perfect sincerity resolved to make +the most of his brief separation from his family, hoping that with +a physician's advice he could speedily overcome his morbid craving +and distressing need. He left the farmhouse with the resolution that +he would never touch the drug again, believing that before a week +expired the horrible depression, both mental and physical, would +so far pass away as to excite no further suspicion. + +For an hour he rode at Roger's side, rigid, taciturn, and pale; for +except when heated by exercise his wonted ruddy color was passing +away from the effects of the poison. Roger drove around to the +large hotel, which was not much out of their way, and said, "Mr. +Jocelyn, will you please take the lines a few moments? I have an +errand here, but it won't keep me long." + +Having transacted his business he stood in the office door watching +a young man who sauntered toward him. The stranger was almost as +tall as himself, but much slighter. While his carriage was easy +and graceful, it was marked by an air of lassitude and weariness, +and his step lacked firmness. A heavy mustache relieved his face +from effeminacy, but his large, dark eyes were dull and apathetic. +Suddenly they lighted up with recognition; he hesitated, and then +hastily advanced toward Mr. Jocelyn, but his steps were speedily +checked, for the moment the gentleman recognized him he bowed very +coldly and turned haughtily away. The young man flushed deeply, +stood still a moment in irresolution, and then with a swift glance +into Roger's interested face turned and quickly disappeared. Before +Roger could resume his place in the wagon the proprietor of the +hotel came out and called him back; something had been forgotten. + +This interruption was fatal to Mr. Jocelyn's good resolutions. Vinton +Arnold, who had won his daughter's affection, but who seemingly had +not the manhood to be faithful in her adversity, was the one whom +he had repulsed, and the thought of his wealth and luxury, while +he was on his way to seek a home in a tenement for his beautiful +child, so maddened him that he drove recklessly to an adjacent +shed, which shielded him from observation, snatched out his fatal +syringe, and in a moment the poison was diffusing itself through +all his system. He had returned again before Roger, who had been +detained some moments, reappeared, but now his heavy eyes were +bright and fiery, and his tongue unloosed. + +"Did you see that young man to whom I refused to speak?" he asked +as they drove away. + +"Yes." + +"Well, he's a white-livered scoundrel. He's a type of your +Northern gentlemen. A Southern man would starve rather than act so +pusillanimously. Of course I'm not going to talk of family secrets, +or say anything not befitting a high-toned gentleman, but I taught +that snob how a man of honor regards his cowardice and cold-bloodedness. +He was one of our fair-weather friends, who promptly disappeared +when the sky clouded. Here he is, dawdling around a high-priced +hotel, while I'm on my way to seek rooms in a tenement for those +to whom he is not worthy to speak; but the time shall come, and +speedily, too, when even on the base plane of money--the sole claim +of his proud family for consideration--we shall meet him and scorn +him as his superiors. I have plans, business prospects--"and he +launched forth into such a vague, wild statement of his projects +that Eoger looked at him in silent amazement, half doubting his +sanity. + +In his haste Mr. Jocelyn had not carefully gauged his syringe, and +the over-amount of morphia thrown into his system so stimulated him +that his words appeared exceedingly irrational to the young man, +whose judgment was based on unusual shrewdness and common-sense. He +was greatly puzzled by the sudden change in his companion. It was +evident that he had not been drinking, for his breath was untainted +and his utterance was natural. But his face was flushed, and he +seemed possessed by a strange, unbalanced mental exaltation which +led him to speak as no sensible man ought in any circumstances, +and certainly not to a stranger. Roger therefore interrupted him +saying, "I shall respect your confidence, Mr. Jocelyn, and will +never repeat what you have said. Please let me suggest, however, +that it would be wise not to speak so frankly to others, since they +might take advantage of you." + +"Please let me assure YOU," resumed Mr. Jocelyn, with the most +impressive dignity, "that I am a man of the world, and that I have +seen a great deal of the world. I can read men as you would read +a book. If you were not trustworthy I should know it at a glance. +Did you not see how I treated that young jackanapes? His wealth and +elegance did not impose upon me in the least. You are trustworthy. +You have a large, aspiring mind, and yet you know your station; you +would not dream of presuming. What does it signify that we are poor +for the moment? True Southern blood is in our veins, and I have a +dozen plans for securing large wealth. When that day comes I shall +remember those who basely turned their backs on us in our brief +obscurity;" and thus he rambled on, while Roger listened coldly +and in silence. + +"There is method is his madness," he said to himself; "he is not +so daft but that he hints broadly I must keep my station and not be +'presuming.' His proud daughter hints as much still more plainly. +Well, we'll see whose dreams find the larger fulfilment--his or +mine." + +By the time they reached the landing the sun was low in the west, +and his companion had become comparatively silent, dreamy, and +abstracted. Half an hour later Roger went on board of the boat with +some solicitude to see how he was faring. Mr. Jocelyn started out +of what appeared a deep reverie as Roger addressed him, and said, +after a moment's thought, "Please say to my family that you left +me well, and safely on my way," and with a quiet and rather distant +bow he resumed his absorbing thoughts. + +The steamer moved away, but instead of returning directly home Roger +went back to the hotel. Even amid the hallucinations of opium the +father had too much instinctive delicacy to mention Mildred's name +or to make any reference to Arnold's intentions; but the quick-witted +fellow gained the impression that the elegant young stranger had +been a welcome and favored suitor in the past better days, and he +had a consuming wish to see and study the kind of man that he surmised +had been pleasing to Mildred. As he rode along, pity for the girl +took the place of resentment. "Not our plain little farmhouse, but +the fashionable hotel, is the place where she would feel the most +at home," he thought. "And yet she is going to a tenement-house! +There, too, she'll stay, I fear, for all that her father will ever +do for her. If he's not off his balance, I never saw a man that +was." + + + + +CHAPTER XIII + +A SCENE BENEATH THE HEMLOCKS + + +Roger sat out on the dusky piazza of the hotel, looking into the +large parlor through open windows which came to the floor, bent on +making the most of such glimpses as he could obtain of the world to +which he felt that Mildred belonged by right. He saw clearly that +she would appear well and at home amid such surroundings. A young +and elegantly dressed woman crossed the wide apartment, and he +muttered, "Your carriage is very fine and fashionable, no doubt, but +Miss Jocelyn would have added grace and nature to your regulation +gait." He watched the groups at the card-tables with a curious +interest, and the bobbing heads of gossiping dowagers and matrons; +he compared the remarkable "make up," as he phrased it, of some +of them with the unredeemed plainness of his mother's Sunday gown. +"Neither the one nor the other is in good taste," he thought. "Mrs. +Jocelyn dresses as I intend my mother shall some day." He coolly +criticised a score or more of young men and women who were chatting, +promenading, flitting through the open windows out upon the piazza +and back again into the light, as a small stringed orchestra +struck into a lively galop or the latest waltz. He saw a general +mustering of the younger guests, even down to the boys and girls, +for the lancers, and followed one and another that caught his eye +through the mazy intricacies, making little gestures of disgust at +those who seemed outre and peculiar in manner and appearance, and +regarding with the closest observation such as exhibited a happy +mean between a certain rusticity and awkwardness with which he was +well acquainted, and a conventional artificiality which was to him +all the more unnatural and absurd because his perception was not +dulled by familiarity with society's passing whims. + +The young stranger whom Mr. Jocelyn had repulsed, and who was the +real object of his quest, did not appear among the pleasure-seekers, +nor could he discover him on the piazza, in the billiard-room, or in +other places of resort. At last in much disappointment he returned +to his seat, from which he commanded a view of the parlor; and +scarcely had he done so before the one he sought mounted the steps +near him as if returning from a stroll in the hotel grounds, threw +away his cigar, and entered an open window with the same graceful, +listless saunter witnessed in the afternoon. He crossed the wide +apartment with as much ease and nonchalance as if it had been +empty, and sat down on a sofa by a somewhat stout and very elegantly +apparelled gentlewoman. + +Roger never thought of accounting for the intensity of his interest +in this stranger--the young rarely analyze their feelings--but, +obedient to an impulse to learn this man's power to win the favor +of one so unapproachable by himself, he scanned with keenest scrutiny +everything in his appearance and manner, and sought eagerly to +gauge his character. + +He felt instinctively that the "cold-blooded snob," as Mr. Jocelyn +had characterized him, was of the very opposite type to his own. +His graceful saunter, which, nevertheless, possessed a certain +quiet dignity, suggested a burdensome leisure and an utter lack +of purpose to go anywhere or do anything. He dropped on the sofa +rather than sat down. The lady at his side spoke rather decidedly +to him, and he answered briefly without even looking at her. By +and by she spoke again, more energetically; he then slowly arose, +approached a young woman sitting near, who in response to something +he said sprang up with alacrity, and they glided away in the waltz +with an ease and grace scarcely equalled by the others upon the +floor. After a few moments they circled around very near Roger's +post of observation, and he was able to scan both the features and +expression of the man whom he felt inclined to hate. But he was +disarmed and perplexed, for the stranger showed no more pleasure or +animation than would a fallen leaf that was swept here and there +by varying eddies of wind. He kept time and step with perfect +accuracy, but evidently from such complete familiarity with the +form that he gave it not a thought. He danced as easily as a bird +flies, avoiding the others without appearing to notice them. No +color came from the exercise, no light kindled in his face. His +expression was not blase or cynical, but weary and dejected; the +melancholy in his large brown eyes was all the more striking from +contrast with the music, the lighted room, and an amusement suggesting +gayety. Pale, utterly unresponsive to the brilliant and mirthful +scenes, he glided ghost-like here and there, and before very long +seated his companion by the elderly woman whose urgency had led to +his automaton-like performance. Then with a slight bow he passed +through a window near and disappeared. The two lades spoke together +for a few moments and seemed annoyed, and Roger now noted such a +resemblance between them as to suggest that they were mother and +daughter. + +He had seen sufficient to satisfy him, and he went away muttering, +"There isn't enough of him to hate; he's but the shadow of a man. +She fancy him! I couldn't have believed it; I can't account for it, +unless he's very gifted in mind or very different when with her. +This must be true, and he would be a mummy indeed if she couldn't +wake him up." + +Roger rode home, however, ill at ease. "He hasn't forgotten her +if he has given her up on account of her poverty," he thought. +"He could see as well as I that there was no one there who could +compare with her; but he mopes instead of trying to win her. If he +can dance, why can't he work? I've no reason to complain, however, +and I thank my stars that I have muscle and a will. In the meantime +I shall come up here and study your tricks of manner, my elegant +nonentity. I believe in force. Force moves the world and carries +a man through it; but I now see that it should be well-managed and +well-mannered force. Miss Jocelyn compares me with you, and I seem +to her uncouth, unfinished, and crude in the extreme. Litheness and +grace need not take an atom from my strength, and the time shall +come when I will not fear comparisons. I'll win her yet with your +own weapons." + +Roger's dreams proved that his sympathies with the melancholy +stranger were not very deep, and that his idea of the survival of +the fittest was the survival of the strongest. His human nature at +that time was of the old Saxon type, that went directly for what +it wanted, without much thought or sentiment for those weak enough +to lose. + +Although it was rather late before he reached home, he found his +mother, Mrs. Jocelyn, and Mildred waiting for him in the sitting-room. + +"What kept you so?" Mrs. Atwood exclaimed. + +"I stopped a while at the hotel on my return," he replied. + +"Did my husband send any message?" Mrs. Jocelyn asked, with a +solicitude she could not disguise. + +"He told me to say that I had left him well, and safely on his way +to the city." + +"Did--did he seem well when you left him?" the anxious wife persisted. + +"Quite as well as he did yesterday, I think," was the reply. + +"Mr. Atwood," said Mildred, in a tone that startled him a little, +and he saw she was looking at him as if she would read his thoughts, +"did my father truly appear well when you parted from him?" + +Roger's eyes fell before hers, but he replied firmly, "I left him +sitting quietly on the steamboat's deck, and when I asked him if +he had any message for his family, he said the words I have just +repeated. He seemed naturally depressed at leaving you all. If he +were not well he did not say anything about it;" and with a bow he +passed up to his room. + +"Mother," said Mildred, when they were alone, "was it mere +diffidence, or why was it, that he could not look me in the eyes? +I wonder if he is concealing anything. It was in the afternoon and +evening that papa was unlike himself yesterday. I wish I really +knew whether or not that young man is hiding anything, for I have +an impression that he is." + +"Oh, it was diffidence, Millie. He would have no motive in hiding +the truth from us. I can see that he is both fascinated by you and +afraid of you--poor fellow!" + +"A few weeks in the cornfield and a few smiles from the girls +hereabouts will banish all his nonsense concerning me. I don't give +him a thought except that his absurd feelings annoy me. Oh, mamma, +you understand me. What he would like to offer is such a grotesque +parody on that which I hoped for, on what I imagined I possessed, +that it makes me sick. Oh, oh!" she sobbed, "I must give it all +up. Mr. Arnold acts as if I were dead: and practically I am to him, +although he may sigh and mope a little, perhaps. There, I'm wronging +him; I know I wrong him. How can I forget his white, deathlike face +and look of mortal pain. Oh that he had this young fellow's muscle +and courage! I do not care for his money; I would be content with +him in one bare room. But as it is I fear, I fear;" and the poor +child buried her face in her mother's lap, and cried away some of +her weight of foreboding. + +"Millie, darling," faltered her mother, "God knows I'd shield your +heart with my own if I could, but I don't know how to help you. +You are too much like me. Your love is your life, and you can't +stop loving just because it would be wise and thrifty to do so. +I think of you almost as much as I do of Martin, and I daily pray +the merciful Saviour, who was 'tempted in all points like as we +are,' to sustain and comfort you. I don't see how I can help you +in any other way, for my own heart shows me just how you suffer." + +"There, little mother," said Mildred, raising her head and wiping +her eyes, "I've had my cry, and feel the better for it. I'm going +to help you and papa and be brave. I'm glad I'm like you. I'm glad +I'm a true Southern girl, and that I can love as you loved; and +I would despise myself if I could invest my heart and reinvest it +like so much stock. Such a woman is cold-blooded and unnatural, +and you are the dearest little mother and wife that ever breathed." + +"Oh, Millie, Millie, if I had only foreseen and guarded against +this evil day!" + +"Come, dear mamma, don't always be blaming yourself for what you +did not foresee. You are eager to do your best now, and that is all +God or man can ask of us. These clouds will pass away some time, +and then the sunshine will be all the brighter." + +The next few days of waiting and uncertainty were a severer ordeal +to Mrs. Jocelyn and Mildred than ever. Mr. Jocelyn, bent on gaining +time, kept putting them off. His new duties upon which he had entered, +he wrote, left him only the evening hours for his quest of rooms, +and he had not succeeded in finding any that were suitable. Thus +they expected something definite by every mail, but each day brought +renewed disappointment. At last Mildred wrote that she would come +down herself if he did not decide upon something at once. + +The morning after this letter was despatched the young girl took +her work out under some wide-boughed hemlocks that stood beside +the quiet country road, along which a farmer occasionally jogged +to the village beyond, but which at that hour was usually quite +deserted. Fred and Minnie were with her, and amused themselves +by building little log huts with the dry sticks thickly scattered +around. + +To Roger, who was cradling oats in an adjacent field, they made a +picture which would always repeat itself whenever he passed that +clump of hemlocks; and, as he cut his way down the long slope toward +them, under the midsummer sun, he paused a second after each stroke +to look with wistful gaze at one now rarely absent from his mental +vision. She was too sad and preoccupied to give him a thought, or +even to note who the reaper was. From her shady retreat she could +see him and other men at work here and there, and she only envied +their definite and fairly rewarded toil, and their simple yet +assured home-life, while she was working so blindly, and facing, +in the meantime, a world of uncertainty. Roger had been very +unobtrusive since her father's departure, and she half consciously +gave him credit for this when she thought about him at all, which +was but seldom. He had imagined that she had grown less distant and +reserved, and once or twice, when he had shown some little kindness +to the children, she had smiled upon him. He was a hunter of no mean +repute in that region, and was famous for his skill in following +shy and scarce game. He had resolved to bring the principles of his +woodcraft to bear upon Mildred, and to make his future approaches so +cautiously as not to alarm her in the least; therefore he won the +children's favor more thoroughly than ever, but not in an officious +way. He found Belle moping the evening after her father's departure, +and he gave her a swift drive in his buggy, which little attention +completely disarmed the warm-hearted girl and became the basis of +a fast-ripening friendship. + +"You need not put on such distant airs," she had said to Mildred; +"he never mentions your name any more." But when he asked Mrs. +Jocelyn to take a drive with him she had declined very kindly, for +she feared that he might speak to her of her daughter in an embarrassing +way. Over Belle, Mildred had little control in such matters, but +as far as she and her mother were concerned she determined that he +should have no encouragement whatever; for, although he made no +further efforts either to shun or obtain her society, and had become +quite as reserved as herself, he unconsciously, yet very clearly, +revealed his state of mind to her womanly intuition. + +"There is one thing queer about Roger Atwood," said Belle, joining +her sister under the hemlocks; "he now scarcely ever speaks of +himself. I suppose he thinks I'd be silly enough to go and tell +everything as you did." + +"What do you talk about then?" asked Mildred, with a half smile. + +"Oh, you are a little curious, are you? perhaps a little jealous, +too, that he was so very easily cured of his admiration for you. +If it were any secret, I wouldn't tell you. We talk about what we +see, and it seems to me he sees everything. If a bird flies across +the road he will point out its peculiarities, and he knows so much +about the trees and bushes and wild flowers and the little creatures +in the woods, how they live, and all that. He says a man's a +fool that doesn't see all that's going on around him. Sometimes +he makes me ache from laughing over his funny descriptions of the +queer characters that live about here. Bat what interests me most +is his accounts of the people at the hotel. Ob, I do wish mother +would let me go there with him some evening! He is there nearly +every night, and it's as good as a play to hear him take off the +affected, snobbish ones. He has caught the English drawl and the +'yeh know' of some young fellows to perfection." + +"He IS a queer fellow," mused Mildred. "I wonder what he goes there +for?" + +"Oh, Roger Atwood is no fool, I can tell you. He knows country +society in perfection, and he would not be long in understanding +Fifth Avenue noodledom just as well. He detects sham people and sham +ways as quickly as you could, and delights in ridiculing them. He +says there's a ghost of a man up there which interests him exceedingly, +but that it is such an extremely well-behaved, good-mannered ghost +that it is tolerated without remark, and that is all he will say +about it, although I have often questioned him. I can't think who +or what he means." + +Mildred looked up with a sudden access of interest, and then became +silent and abstracted. + +"Since the children are quiet here," continued Belle, "I'll go back +to the house and finish a story in which the hero and heroine are +sentimental geese and blind as bats. They misunderstand each other +so foolishly that I'd like to bob their empty heads together," and +away she went, humming a gay song, with as little thought for the +morrow as the birds in the fields around her. + +While Roger paused a moment to wipe the perspiration from his brow, +the rustling of the grain ceased, and he heard the footfalls of a +horse in the adjacent road. With a start he saw riding by the stranger +who had been the object of his continued scrutiny at the hotel. The +young men restrained to a walk the rather restless horse he bestrode, +and seemed musing deeply under the shadow of a broad-brimmed Panama +hat. He took no notice of Roger, and passing slowly on entered the +shadow of the hemlocks, when an exclamation caused him to raise his +head. A second later he sprang from his horse, threw the bridle +over the limb of a tree, and seized Mildred's hand with an eagerness +which proved that she had indeed the power to "wake him up." + +Roger was too distant to see just how she greeted her unlooked-for +friend of other days, but thought she appeared so startled that +she leaned against a tree for support. He saw, however, that the +"ghost of a man" was now flesh and blood in his earnestness, and +that he retained her hand in both of his own while speaking rapidly. +Before very long, however, the horse became so impatient that he +suddenly jerked his bridle loose, wheeled, and came galloping up +the road toward Roger, who, after a moment's hesitation, cleared +the low stone wall at a bound and stood in the road awaiting him. +Mildred's companion made a gesture of annoyance, and then said, +with a shrug, "Let the beast go. I'm well content to remain here." +When they saw Roger's purpose, however, they stood watching for +the outcome of his effort. + +As Arnold--for he it was--saw the horse, with broken and flying +reins, thundering apparently right upon the motionless form of a +man, he exclaimed, "By Jove! but that's a brave fellow." + +The vicious brute soon seemed so nearly upon the rash youth that +Mildred gave a slight scream of terror, but a second later she saw +him spring lightly aside, catch one of the flying reins, hold on +for a few yards, half dragged, half running, and then the animal +yielded to a master. A cloud of dust obscured them momentarily; +then the country-bred athlete vaulted lightly into the saddle and +came trotting sharply toward them, riding like a centaur. She was +enraged at herself that her face should grow scarlet under his +brief glance from one to the other, but without a word he sprang +lightly down and began to fasten the horse securely to a tree--an +act scarcely necessary, for the animal appeared completely subdued. + +"By Jove! my man, that was neatly done," said Arnold. "Here's a +bank-note for your trouble." + +"The fact that I've caught your horse does not prove me a hostler," +Roger replied brusquely, without looking at the speaker. + +Arnold now recognized the young man whom he had seen with Mr. +Jocelyn, and also at the hotel several times subsequently. He had +learned his name, and therefore began, "Oh, I beg pardon; this is +Mr. Atwood;" but before he could say more a covered barouche came +rapidly down the hill from the opposite direction, turned with +the angle of the road, and passed into the shade of the hemlocks. +Arnold had become very pale the moment he saw it, and in its occupant +Roger recognized the woman whom he had seen at the hotel, and whom +he had learned to be the mother of the listless dancer. A brief +glance showed him that Mildred knew her also. The lady sharply +ordered her coachman to stop, and after a brief but freezing look +into Mildred's hot face she said, in a meaning tone, "Vinton, I +will esteem it a favor if you will accompany me on my drive." + +"I will join you presently," he said irresolutely. + +"I will wait politely then until you have concluded your interview," +the gentlewoman remarked coldly, leaning back in her carriage. + +Her look, tone, and action stung Mildred to the very quick. Gentle +and retiring usually, she was capable of a very decided and even an +aggressive course under great provocation. For a moment her warm +Southern blood boiled at Mrs. Arnold's implication that she was +so eager to capture her wealthy son that it was not prudent to +leave them alone together a moment. With decision and the dignity +of conscious innocence she said, "Good-morning, Mr. Arnold"; then +taking little Minnie's hand and calling Fred she led the way toward +the house. It happened that the only path of egress led her by the +carriage, and the manner in which its occupant ignored her presence +was so intolerable in its injustice that she paused, and, fixing +her clear, indignant eyes on the flushed, proud face before her, +asked, in tones never forgotten by those who heard them, "Mrs. +Arnold, wherein have I wronged you or yours?" + +The lady was silent and a little embarrassed. + +"I know, and you might know," Mildred continued, "if you chose, +that you cannot charge me with one unwomanly act, but your look +and manner toward me are both unwomanly and unchristian. You insult +me in my poverty and misfortune. Without the shadow of right or +reason, you cruelly wound one who was wounded already;" and she +was about to pass on. + +"Mother, as you are a woman, do not let her go without a word of +respect and kindness," cried her son, in a hoarse, stifled voice. + +"Miss Jocelyn," began Mrs. Arnold in a constrained tone, "I mean +you no disrespect. Nevertheless--" + +"Nevertheless!" exclaimed Arnold, wrought to frenzy. "Great God! +are you going to qualify that grudging sentence?" He struck his +hand to his forehead, reeled, and fell prone upon the earth. In a +moment Mildred knelt beside him, and Roger saw that she loved him +with her whole strong, womanly soul. + +"Bring water, bring brandy; mother will give it to you," she said +to him in a low voice, and he dashed off to obey. + +Mrs. Arnold hastily descended from the carriage and felt her son's +pulse with much solicitude. "He has only fainted," she said. "He +is apt to have such attacks when overwrought. It's a part of his +disease. Miss Jocelyn, you see he is a reed that must be supported, +not leaned upon," she added, looking straight into the young girl's +troubled eyes. "I mean you kindness as truly as I mean kindness to +him. He will soon be better. He has often been in this condition +ever since he was a child. With this knowledge you will understand +me better. Thomas"--to the coach-man--"lift him into the carriage. +He will soon revive," she continued to Mildred, "and at the hotel +he shall have the best of care. Believe me, I feel for you both, +but I know what is right and best." + +The coachman did as he was directed, and they drove rapidly away. + +Mildred put her hand to her side, and then, with pale and downcast +face, led the wondering children toward the house. She soon met. +Roger returning, and running like a deer. + +"They have taken him away," she said briefly, without looking up. +"Please care for his horse and accept my thanks," and then she +hastened to her room and did not appear again that day. + +He complied with her request, then went back to his work, and the +grain fell as if the reaper were Death himself. + +Mrs. Arnold's course was not so harsh and rude as it seemed, and +can readily be explained on the theory by which she governed her +feelings and actions toward her son. An obscure weakness in the +functions of his heart had rendered him subject to fainting turns +from early childhood. Physicians had always cautioned against +over-exertion and over-excitement of any kind; therefore he had +not been sent to school like the other children, or permitted to +indulge in the sports natural to his age. Having been constantly +cautioned, curbed, and repressed, he grew into a timid, self-distrustful, +irresolute man, and yet was keenly sensible of the defects that +separated him from other men. No one ever longed for independence +more earnestly than he; few were less able to achieve it. His +mother, having shielded him so many years from himself as well +as from adverse influences from without, had formed the habit of +surveillance. Exaggerating his weakness and dependence, his unfitness +to compete with other men in active pursuits, she had almost ignored +his manhood. The rest of the family naturally took their tone from +her, regarding him as an invalid, and treating him as one. Chafing +with secret and increasing bitterness over his misfortune and +anomalous position, he grew more and more silent and reserved, +dwelling apart in a world created from a literature that was not +of the best or most wholesome character. As long as he lived a +quiet, monotonous life that accorded with the caution enjoined by +physicians, he gave his mother little solicitude, for the woman +of the world, versed in all the proprieties of her station, had +no comprehension of the sensitive spirit that had been repressed +equally with his physical nature. That he should become cold toward +her, and cynical toward her world of wealth and fashion, was to her +but a proof that his character was defective also, and led to the +fear that his "absurd notions" might occasion trouble. His intimacy +with the Jocelyns threatened to justify her forebodings, and, while +knowing nothing of Mildred personally, she was naturally inclined +to the belief that she, like many others, would be glad to escape +poverty by allying herself to an old and wealthy family, and she +regarded her son as weak enough to become a ready victim. Nevertheless +he was of age, and if he should enter into a formal engagement it +might be no easy matter to break it or escape the consequences. +Therefore she determined at all hazards to prevent such a consummation, +and thus far had succeeded. She was greatly angered that, in spite +of her precautions and injunctions, he had again met Mildred, and +she resolved to end the interview at once, even at the cost of being +thought rude and harsh, for if left to themselves that summer day +they might realize all her fears. At the same time she proposed +to manifest her disapproval so decidedly that if the young woman +still sought to enter her family, it would be by a sort of violence; +and she also was not unmindful of the fact that, with the exception +of an apparent laborer and her coachman, only the parties interested +were the witnesses of her tactics. Therefore she had looked at +Mildred as coldly and haughtily as only a proud woman can, with +the result already narrated. Although compelled to admit that the +girl was not what she had imagined her to be, she was none the less +bent on preventing further complications, and resolved to take her +son elsewhere as soon as he had sufficiently recovered. + +The next morning Mildred left her seclusion, and her aspect was pale +and resolute, but no reference was made to the events uppermost in +the minds of those aware of them. Even the children and Belle had +been so cautioned that they were reticent. In the evening, however, +as Roger was raking the flower-beds over to prevent the weeds from +starting, Mildred came out, and joining him said, a little bitterly, +"Well, what did your microscopic vision reveal to you yesterday +morning?" + +"A brave, proud girl, for whom I have the deepest respect," he +replied, looking directly into her eyes. + +"Was that all?" + +"No, indeed." + +"Well, what else?" she persisted, in a tone quite unlike her usual +accent. + +"I saw the merest shadow of a man and the ghost of a woman who must +weigh nearly two hundred." + +She flushed hotly as she said, "You pride yourself on your keen +perceptions, but the truth is you are blind," and she was turning +angrily away when he answered, "Time will show how blind I am," +and then he went on quietly with his work. + +"Oh, how I detest that man!" she muttered, as she went up to her +favorite haunt on the hilltop looking toward the south. "Why did +he, of all others, have to be present with his prying eyes at the +odious scene? He must know now how I feel toward Vinton Arnold, and +yet he has so little sense and delicacy that he expresses contempt +for him to my face. Brute strength may be his ideal of manhood, +but it's not mine; and he knows so little of women that he thinks +I ought to despise one who is simply unfortunate, and through +no fault of his own. Poor, poor Vinton! Brief as were the moments +before we were interrupted, he had time to assure me that life had +become a burden because of our separation, and yet he said that +he had no right to see me, no right to send me a line, no right to +add his weakness to my other misfortunes. Time shall at least show +one thing--that I can be patient and true. That proud, cold woman +has no control over me, and as long as he is faithful I shall be." + + + + +CHAPTER XIV + +THE OLD MANSION + + +Mildred's letter to her father brought a request that she should +join him at once and choose between two sets of rooms, of which +he had the refusal. She insisted upon going, for she was eager to +leave a place that had become hateful to her. She greatly wished to +hear of Arnold's welfare before her departure, but would not make +any effort to do so. + +To her surprise, however, Roger handed her a note the following +morning. She knew the handwriting well, and asked, "How do you +happen to have this, Mr. Atwood?" + +"I supposed you would wish to hear from your friend, and so went +up to the hotel. As soon as Mr. Arnold saw me he asked me to give +you that letter." + +Mildred bit her lip. Was it an officious or a friendly act? She +was beginning to doubt whether she had fully gauged the character +of this young farmer, but of one thing she was instinctively +certain--his motive was personal, and sprung from an interest in +her which was now more repugnant than ever. Whether this instance +was an obtrusive meddling in her affairs, or an act well meant, +but unwarranted by their relations, she could not tell. However it +might be, she wished the letter had come by any other hands than +his. + +She gravely thanked him, and added, "Mr. Atwood, please do not feel +called upon to do anything further for me unless requested." + +He grew pale and his lips tightened, for her words and manner hurt +him. His act had been in truth very generous and self-effacing, +but he merely bowed in seeming acquiescence, and turned away. + +Arnold's letter ran as follows: + +"The memory of that scene yesterday will oppress me forever. Nothing +could have happened that would more clearly convince you that I am +unworthy of your thought. And yet it will be a life-long agony to +know that I am unworthy. When I tell you that I love and honor you +above all other women it is but a poor compensation, I fear, for +all that I have made you suffer. My mother has KINDLY (?) informed +me that she told you how feeble I am, and I proved her words true. +I feel that the best service I can render you is to say, Forget +me wholly; and yet you can never know what such words cost me. +_I_ shall never forget, unless death is forgetting. If I had the +strength to be of any help to you at all, I would break away at +once and take the consequences; but I have been an invalid all my +life, and why I still continue to live I scarcely know. If, however, +there should ever be a time when one so weak as I am can aid you, +give me this one shadowy hope that you will come to me. VINTON +ARNOLD." + +This was Mildred's reply: + +"It is not in my nature to forget, therefore I cannot. It is not +my wish to forget, therefore I will not. You will find me ever the +same. MILDRED JOCELYN." + +Roger would have taken her reply to the hotel that very night, so +great was her power over him, but for his sake, as well as her own, +she wished to teach him once for all that their ways were apart. +She dreaded from what he had said that he would follow her to the +city and renew the unwelcome association of his life with hers. +Therefore she engaged heavy, blundering Jotham to deliver the note, +giving him a dollar from her slender purse as a reward. He lost +the note where it was never found, and stolidly concealed the fact +lest he should lose the dollar. The little characteristic missive +fell to the earth somewhere like a seed that drops into an unkindly +soil and perishes. Roger only knew that stupid Jotham had been +preferred as her messenger. She made no secret of the fact, but +gave the note to the laborer when he came in to his nooning the +following day. She knew Roger was watching her from the front porch, +and as she turned toward him she saw she had wounded him so deeply +that she had some compunctions; but he avoided meeting her, nor +did she find a chance to speak to him again. When, an hour later, +she was ready to depart with Mr. Atwood for the distant landing, +Roger was not to be found. Her conscience smote her a little, but +she felt that it would be the best for him in the future, and would +probably end his nonsense about leaving home and winning fame out +in the world. She had a warm, genuine good-will for Mrs. Atwood and +Susan, and even for poor, grumbling Mr. Atwood, at whose meagre, +shrivelled life she often wondered; and it would be a source of +much pain to her if she became even the blameless cause of Roger's +leaving home in the absurd hope of eventually becoming great and +rich, and then appearing to her in her poverty, like a prince in +fairy lore. "Nothing but the most vigorous snubbing will bring him +to his senses," she thought, and she now believed that he would soon +subside into his old life, and be none the worse for the summer's +episode. Therefore, after embracing her mother again and again +in her room, she bade Mrs. Atwood and Susan good-by very kindly, +and they saw her depart with genuine regret. For Roger there was +nothing more than the quiet remark to Mrs. Atwood, "Please say +good-by for me to your son." + +Belle and the children accompanied her to the landing, and were +in great glee over the long drive. Mildred's spirits rose also. +She had learned most emphatically that she was not dead to her +lover, and she thought her words, brief as they were, would cheer +and sustain him and suggest hope for the future. Although she was +a little sorry for Roger, she was glad to think that his dark, +searching eyes would no longer follow her, nor she be compelled +from day to day to recognize a curbed but ever-present and unwelcome +regard. His feeling toward her seemed like something pent up, yet +growing, and she was always fearing it might burst forth. In his +mastery of the horse he had shown himself so strong and fearless +that, not sure of his self-restraint, she dreaded lest in some +unguarded moment he might vehemently plead for her love. The very +thought of this made her shudder and shrink, and the belief that +she would probably never see him again gave decided relief. + +Chief of all, she was glad that her weary waiting and uncertainty +were over. She was now on her way to seek independence and a home. +However humble the latter, it would be a place from which could +be excluded all strange and prying looks. When together and alone +again, their sorrows and weaknesses could be hidden or seen only +with the eyes of love. + +The ten days or more that had elapsed since Mr. Jocelyn's departure +had made him doubtful whether he could hide his weakness or overcome +it very readily. He believed he was gaining ground since he was +able to reduce the amount of morphia taken, but in order to keep +up he had to employ the stimulant more frequently. By this method +he hoped never so to lose self-control as to excite suspicion, and +also gradually to wean himself from the drug altogether. Of the +two he would rather meet Mildred than his wife; the latter must be +kept in ignorance, since to destroy her absolute trust was to be +destroyed. Mildred would more quickly suspect his fault than would +her mother, and if he could hide his failing from her he surely +could from his wife, until complete mastery left nothing to be +concealed. That day of liberty always seemed but a little in advance. +He surely had the will and the strength to give up a mere drug. He +who had led charges amid the smoke and thunder of a hundred cannon, +and had warded off sabre-thrusts from muscular, resolute hands, +was not going to be pricked to death by a little syringe in his +own hand. His very thraldom to the habit seemed an improbable, +grotesque dream, which some morning would dissipate, but as a +matter of experience each morning brought such a profound sinking +and "goneness" that his will-power shrivelled like a paper barricade +before the scorching intensity of his desire. After the stimulant +began its work, however, all things seemed possible, and nothing +more so than his power to abandon the drug when he should fully +decide upon the act. + +On the morning of Mildred's arrival, having lifted himself out of +his chronic dejection by the lever of opium, he went to meet her +with the genuine gladness of a proud, loving father asserting itself +like a ray of June light struggling through noxious vapors. She +was delighted to find him apparently so well. His walk and the heat +had brought color to his face, the drug had bestowed animation and +confidence, while his heart gave an honest, loving welcome without +the aid of any stimulant. They rode uptown together as happily and +hopefully as if the nearly empty car were their own carriage, and +they were seeking a home in Fifth Avenue instead of a tenement-house; +but the hope and happiness of one was based on youth, love, faith, +courage, and inexperience, and of the other on a lurid cloud that +would darken steadily except as renewed gleams were shot through it +by a light that was infernal. Any kindly man or woman would have +smiled appreciatively to see the handsome father and beautiful +daughter apparently as absorbed in each other's plans and interests +as a young couple seeking the home in which their future life +would centre. Who would dream that on this sunny morning, and in a +prosaic street-car, the actors of a sad, sad tragedy were on their +way to its unsuspected scenes? Who would dream that Mildred and +her father, of all others, were the actors? + +"Millie," said Mr. Jocelyn, "I fear the place to which I shall at +first take you may shock you a little. It's an old Revolutionary +mansion, gray and rather dilapidated, but it reminded me of some of +our residences in the South; and, although perhaps no better--perhaps +not so good--it is still quite unlike the stereotyped tenement-house +abomination prevailing in this city. This ancient abode of colonial +wealth took my fancy. It suggested our own changed fortunes by +its fall to its present uses. And yet the carving around and above +the doors and windows, much of which still remains, and the lofty +ceilings all remind one of past better days that can never return +to the poor house, but which we must bring back as soon as possible. +I shall never be content or happy, Millie, until I have placed my +dear ones in the sphere to which they really belong; but for the +present I do not see how we can pay rent for anything much better +than rooms in the old mansion. As far as I can learn, the people +who live in it are poor, but quiet and respectable." + +Her father's opium-tinged description caught Mildred's fancy also, +but when she saw the building her heart sank at the prospect. To +her a tenement-house was as yet a vague, untested reality, and the +one before her was indeed old and dilapidated, gray and haggard +with more than a century's age. + +The mansion having been built to face the river, its front was not +upon the street, but toward the west. Around its base the mortar was +crumbling away, revealing its mingled brick and stone foundation. +The hip-roof of weather-beaten shingles still remained, and was +surmounted by a wide-railed and wooden platform used by the occupants +of the dwelling for the drying of clothes, etc. + +"It makes me think of an old, dying, moss-draped white oak standing +in the midst of trees of younger and different growth," said Mr. +Jocelyn, as he and Mildred scanned the gable-end of the house. + +Then they entered by two or three stone steps a narrow passage, +ascended a forlorn wooden stairway, covered overhead by a few boards +nailed lengthwise, and so reached a small landing, where once had +been a stately porch or wide veranda, looking no doubt over a broad +sweep of lawn and the shining river. The high-arched doorway was +still intact, with elaborately carved but now defaced woodwork, +which, rising from the sill on either side, was continued in various +old-fashioned designs until it culminated over a large square window +in the second story. Generations had watched the sunsets from that +window, but now high brick walls threw it in shadow much of the +day. + +A quaint brass knocker which gentlemen--long since dust--had +approached wearing laced three-cornered hats, velvet short-clothes, +and silver buckles, and upon which they had rapped announcement +of their social claims, still hung on the rest from which they had +lifted it. It was not often used at present, for people entered +without knocking, and the wide hall within was in a sense but +a continuation of the street; also the winding stairway, with its +ancient rail, which started out on one side and wound up to another +square hallway. To each of these open spaces the several families +had equal rights. + +The lower hall had originally extended through the whole depth +of the building to a rear doorway, equally old-fashioned but less +elaborately ornamented, but now a partition crossed the raised circle +on the ceiling from which had once hung an ancient candelabrum. +Upon each hallway opened four suites of two rooms each, and thus +the old mansion usually sheltered twelve families instead of one. +The doors were high, and surmounted by quaint and worm-eaten carved +work. + +These halls seemed very dark and close to Mildred, who had just +come out of the sunlight and from the country, but they were cool +and spacious. They were shown by the janitor to a room over twenty +feet square on the second story, whose former occupants had left +the souvenir of unlimited dirt. "They was dissipated, and we don't +let sich stay in the buildin'," said the man. "That's one thing +in favor of the place, papa," poor Mildred remarked, and at the +moment it seemed to her about the only thing, for the old house +was evidently going down hill so fast that it seemed to her as if +it might carry its occupants with it. Still, on further inspection, +the room was found to be so large and airy and the ceiling so high +that it might be made the abode of health and comfort. Opening +into the large apartment was another about eight feet by twelve, +and this was all. + +Mildred drew a long breath. Could the whole domestic life of the +family be carried on in those two rooms? "I never realized how +thousands of people live," she sighed. + +"It will only be for a little while, Millie," whispered her father. + +The young girl shrank and shivered even in the summer morning at +the ordeal of crowded life, with only intervening doorways and thin +partitions between them and all sorts of unknown neighbors. + +"Suppose, papa, we look at the other rooms of which you have the +refusal," she faltered. + +Even in his false buoyancy he could not suppress a sigh as he saw +that Mildred, in spite of her determination to make the best of +everything, had not imagined what a tenement-house was. "We will +be back in an hour or more," he whispered to the janitor, for he +believed the other rooms would appear still more repulsive. + +And so they did, for when Mildred had climbed up three stairways +in a five-story, narrow house, which even at that hour was filled +with a babel of sounds, the old mansion seemed a refuge, and +when she had glanced around the narrow room and two dark closets +of bedrooms, she shuddered and said, "Papa, can we really afford +nothing better?" + +"Honestly, Millie, we cannot for the present. My income is exceedingly +small, although it will soon be increased, no doubt. But if we +pay too much for rooms we shall have nothing to live upon while +waiting for better times. These rooms are fourteen dollars a month. +Those in the old mansion are only eight, and the two rooms there +give more chance for comfort than do these three." + +"Oh, yes, yes," cried Mildred, "I could not live here at all. Let +us go back." + +While returning, her father showed her apartments in other tenements +for which rents of ten to sixteen dollars were charged, and she +saw that she would not obtain any more in space and light than for +half the money in the old house, which had been built when that +part of the island was open country. + +"Forgive me, papa," she said, smiling, "that I shivered a little +at the first plunge. We will go to the old house and stay there +until we can do better. It was once evidently a beautiful home, +and I believe that within it we can make a happy home, if we will. +These other tenements were never homes, and I don't see how they +ever could be. They are angular, patent, human packing-boxes, +which mock at the very idea of home coziness and privacy. They were +never built for homes, they were built to rent. In the old house +I noticed that a blank wall near will prevent people staring into +our windows, and the space has not been so cut up but that we can +keep ourselves somewhat secluded." + +Next to a quiet way of earning money, Mildred coveted seclusion +beyond everything else. There was one deep hope that fed her life. +Her father would work his way up into affluence, and she again could +welcome Vinton Arnold to her own parlor. Happiness would bring him +better health, and the time would come when he could choose and act +as his heart dictated. With woman's pathetic fortitude and patience +she would hope and wait for that day. But not for the world must +his proud mother know to what straits they were driven, and she +meant that the old house should become a hiding-place as well as +a home. + +Therefore the rooms in the old mansion were taken. A stout, cheery +Englishwoman, who with her plump, red arms was fighting life's +battle for herself and a brood of little ones, was engaged to clean +up and prepare for the furniture. Mildred was eager to get settled, +and her father, having ordered such household goods as they required +to be sent from their place of storage the following day, repaired +to his place of business. + +"Now, miss," said sensible Mrs. Wheaton, "I don't vant to do hany +more than yer vants done, but hif I was you I'd give hall these +'ere vails a coat hof lime. Vitevash is 'olesome, yer know, and +sweetens heverything; hit'll kind o' take haway the nasty taste +those drunken people left." + +"Please whitewash, then, and use plenty of lime. If you can sweeten +these rooms, do so by all means, but I fear that result is beyond +your brush or any other." + +"You've seen better days, miss, and I 'ave meself; but yer mustn't +be down'arted, yer know. See 'ow the sunshine comes in, and ven +hit falls hon a carpet, a little furniture, and yer hown people, +these 'ere rooms vill soon grow 'omelike, and yer'll come back to +'em hafteryer day's vork's hover gladly henough. I s'pose yer'll +vork, since you've come hamong people who must vork hearly and +late." + +"Yes, indeed, we'll work--that is all we ask for." + +"And hit's time I vas ha bout mine hinstead hof gossiping 'ere. +Yer'll soon see 'ow spick and span I'll make heverything." + +With a despatch, deftness, and strength that to Mildred seemed +wonderful, she bought the lime, made the wash, and soon dark stains +and smoky patches of wall and ceiling grew white under her strong, +sweeping strokes. It was not in the girl's nature, nor in accordance +with her present scheme of life, to be an idle spectator, and from +her travelling-bag she soon transformed herself into as charming a +house-cleaner as ever waged war against that chief enemy of life and +health--dirt. Her round, white arms, bared almost to the shoulder, +seemed designed as a sculptor's model rather than to wield the brush +with which she scoured the paint and woodwork; but she thought not +of sculpture except in the remote and figurative way of querying, +with mind far absent from her work, how best she could carve their +humble fortunes out of the unpromising material of the present and +the near future. + + + + +CHAPTER XV + +"WELCOME HOME" + + +Mildred felt that she had become a working-woman in very truth as +she cleaned the dingy closets, vindictively prying into corners +and crevices that had been unmolested by generations of tenants, +and the rich color produced by summer heat and unwonted exertion +deepened at the thought, "What would Vinton Arnold, what would +his mother think if they saw me now? The latter would undoubtedly +remark," she murmured, in bitterness of spirit, "that I had at +last found my true sphere, and was engaged in befitting tasks; but +should I lose in his eyes?" + +Indeed she would not, either in his eyes or in those of any other +man capable of appreciating womanly grace. Genuine beauty is a +rare and wonderful gift, and, like genius, triumphs over adverse +circumstances, and is often enhanced by them. Even prosaic Mrs. +Wheaton was compelled to pause from time to time to admire the +slender, supple form whose perfect outlines were revealed by the +stooping, twisting, and reaching required by the nature of the +labor. But the varying expressions of her face, revealing a mind +as active as the busy hands, were a richer study. The impact of +her brush was vigorous, and with looks of aversion and disgust she +would cleanse away the grimy stains as if they were an essential +part of the moral as well as gross material life of the former +occupants. To a refined nature association forms no slight element +in the constitution of a home; and horrible conjectures concerning +repulsive indications of the vulgar people who once kennelled +where others would live decently and purely are among the manifold +miseries of tenement life. In spite of all her will-power, Mildred +shuddered, and shrank from even this remote contact with a phase +of humanity peculiarly revolting to her, and the protest of her +innate delicacy would often appear strongly upon her face. + +"The worst of it is," she muttered, "that soap and water cannot +blot out thoughts of the people who were here before us." + +But thoughts of other people, some of whom were very dear to her, +brought varying expressions, and once she smiled and said to herself, +"Roger Atwood now thinks, no doubt, that in me he has seen another +'ghost of a woman,' weighing a little less than 'two hundred.' Of +all my little affairs of that nature, his was the most preposterous +and absurd. That one human being should expect and seek from another +what is so impossible to give produces a certain half-humorous +irritation that is indescribable." + +Stout Mrs. Wheaton's mind and fancy were not so busy as her hands, +and when twelve o'clock came she knew the hour, although carrying +no watch. She had interrupted Mildred's musings from time to time, +but had received rather absent replies, for the actual inception +of a life of toil occasioned many thoughts. + +When, however, the practical woman remarked, "I've a hinside 'int +that hit's time we took a bite together," Mildred awakened to an +honest and hungry approval of the suggestion. + +"I don't like to intrude upon you, Mrs. Wheaton," she said. "Isn't +there some place near where I can go?" + +"Hindeed there his--right down to my room, hif ye're not habove +my company. I can brew yer has good a cup o' tea has hany cook in +the land, and we'll find somethin' nourishin' to go vith hit." + +"Mrs. Wheaton, you are a genuine friend. I'm so glad you were +here and willing to help me, for you make me feel safer and more +hopeful. You seem brave and not afraid of being poor, and I want +to learn your courage. So far from being above your company, I am +very grateful for it, and I shall try to repay your kindness with +like neighborly return when I can; but when it comes to actual +expense you must let me pay my way. How is it you are so brave and +cheery when, as you say, you are alone with several children to +support?" + +"I'll tell yer vhile we heat hour dinner; so lock the door and come +vith me." + +Mrs. Wheaton's room was plain, indeed, but neat and homelike. A +variegated and much-patched carpet covered part of the floor, which +was bare around the ample cooking-stove, whereon a wholesome dinner +soon smoked with appetizing odors. Her daughter, a young girl about +twelve years of age, assisted in the preparations, and then went +to call the other children, who were playing on the sidewalk. + +'"Ow is it I'm so brave and cheery?" Mrs. Wheaton at last answered +with a sunshiny smile. "I've a stout pair hof harms, I've a stout +body, and I've a downright belief that the Lord means veil by +me and mine. I'm try in' to do my best, and hit's 'is biziness to +take care hof the rest. Hand 'E 'as so far. I've been a bit 'ungry +meself now and then, but the children halways 'ad enough. So I vork +and trust and lose no time and strength ha-vorrying. Things'll all +come hout right some day; and I've no time to be doin' the Lord's +vork bin carryin' the burden hon my shoulders, hif they are broad. +'Ere's the children; now sit right down wth hus, and velcome. Since +we're neighbors we'll be neighborly and friendly like; and before +yer know hit, yer'll be snug and comfortable hin your hown rooms, +and yer can be jist as 'appy bin 'em has hever yer vas him yer +life. Bein' poor and 'aving to vork hain't the vorst troubles in +the vorld." + +The good woman's stout, cheery spirit and homely faith were just +the tonics that Mildred needed, and they were all the more effective +because combined with the exhilarating tea and wholesome food. +Therefore instead of a weary and depressing day, in which body and +spirit acted and reacted on each other until the evening brought +shadows deeper than the night, her courage and cheerfulness grew +with the hours of sustained and healthful toil, and when her father +appeared at six o'clock her smile warmed his heart. At the cost +of no slight effort he had so reduced his doses of morphia that +neither she nor any one could have detected anything unnatural in +his manner. He praised their work unstintedly, and thanked Mrs. +Wheaton for her kindness with such warm Southern frankness that +her eyes grew moist with gratification. Indeed the rooms had grown +so clean and wholesome that Mr. Jocelyn said that they looked +homelike already. Mrs. Wheaton assured Mildred that if she would +be content, she could be made quite comfortable on a lounge in her +large living-room, and the young girl won her heart completely by +saying that she would rather stay with her than go to the Fifth +Avenue Hotel. Her words were sincere, for in accordance with her +nature her heart was already drawn toward the place which gave even +promise of a home, and the hearty kindness received there made her +shrink from the strange, indifferent world without. + +Her father asked her to resume her travelling dress, and then by a +street-car they soon reached a quiet restaurant near Central Park, +from which the outlook was upon trees and shrubbery. The people +of New York are singularly fortunate in their ability to reach, at +slight expense of money and time, many places where the air is pure, +and the sense of beauty can find abundant gratification. Mildred +felt that only extreme poverty could rob them in summer of many +simple yet genuine pleasures. When, after their frugal supper, she +and her father strolled through a path winding around a miniature +lake on which swans were floating, she believed that one of her chief +fears might be unfounded. Her love of beauty need not be stifled, +since there was so much, even in the crowded town, which could be +seen without cost. + +"Papa," she said, "our lives will not be meagre and colorless unless +we make them so. Every tree and shrub--indeed every leaf upon them +and every ripple on the water--seems beautiful to me this evening. +I do not fear working hard if we can often have these inexpensive +pleasures. The thing in poverty that has most troubled me was the +fear that one's nature might become blunted, callous, and unresponsive. +A starved soul and heart seem to me infinitely worse than a starved +body. Thank God, this beautiful place is as free to us now as ever, +and I think we enjoy it more than many of those people in yonder +carriages. Then at the cost of a few pennies we can get many a breezy +outlook, and fill our lungs with fresh air on the ferryboats. So +don't let us be downhearted, papa, and mope while we are waiting +for better days. Each day may bring us something that we can enjoy +with honest zest." + +"God bless you, Millie," replied her father. "We'll try to do just +as you suggest." Nevertheless he sighed deeply. She was free; he +was a slave. In the depths of the placid lake the graceful swans, +the pretty wooded shores, were faithfully reflected. In Mildred's +clear blue eyes the truth of her words, the goodness and sincerity +of her heart, were revealed with equal certainty. His eyes were +downcast and fixed on an abyss which no soul has ever fathomed. + +"Great God!" he murmured, "I must escape; I shall--I WILL escape;" +but while Mildred stepped into a florist's shop to purchase a +blooming plant for Mrs. Wheaton, he furtively took from his pocket +a small paper of white-looking powder--just the amount which +experience had taught him he could take and not betray himself. +As a result she was delighted to find him genial and wakeful until +they parted rather late in the old mansion wherein, she jestingly +said, she proposed to build their nest, like a barn-swallow, the +following day. + +After a brief consultation with Mrs. Wheaton the next morning +Mildred told her father to send for the rest of the family at once, +and that she would be ready for them. The household goods arrived +promptly from their place of storage, and she was positively happy +while transforming the bare rooms into a home that every hour grew +more inviting. They had retained, when giving up their house in the +spring, more furniture than was sufficient for the limited space +they would now occupy, and Mildred had enough material and taste to +banish the impression of poverty almost wholly from their two rooms. +She had the good sense, also, to make the question of appearances +always secondary to that of comfort, and rigorously excluded what +was bulky and unnecessary. "I don't like crowded rooms," she +said, "and mamma must have just as little to care for and tax her +strength as possible." One side of the large room was partitioned +off as a sleeping apartment for her father, mother, and the two +children, and was made private by curtains of dark, inexpensive +material. The remainder and larger part facing the east was to be +kitchen, dining and living room. Mrs. Wheaton did the heavy work, +and looked on in delighted wonder as the young girl, with a gift +peculiarly her own, gave an air of grace and homelike coziness to +every part. Hers was a true woman's touch in woman's undisputed +realm, and her father, with strange alternations of sighs and +smiles, assisted her after his return from business. Gas had never +been introduced in the old house, and so two pretty shaded lamps +were bought. One stood on the lofty, old-fashioned mantel, which +was so high that Mildred could pass under it without stooping, and +the other on the table that was to serve for many uses. + +"If we should put a crane in the fireplace," Mr. Jocelyn dreamily +mused, "I could imagine that we were at my old home in the South;" +but she had said they could not afford that amount of sentiment, +and therefore a stove was obtained of the same model that shrewd +Mrs. Wheaton had found so well adapted to varied uses. + +After two busy days their task was wellnigh completed, and Mildred +slept in her own little room, which she was to share with Belle, +and her weariness, and the sense that the resting-place was hers +by honest right, brought dreamless and refreshing sleep. For the +sake of "auld lang syne," her father kindled a fire on the hearth, +and sat brooding over it, looking regretfully back into the past, +and with distrustful eyes toward the future. The dark commercial +outlook filled that future with many uncertain elements; and yet, +alas! he felt that he himself was becoming the chief element of +uncertainty in the problem of their coming life. There were times +when he could distinguish between his real prospects and his vague +opium dreams, but this power of correct judgment was passing from +him. When not under the influence of the drug everything looked dull, +leaden, and hopeless. Thus he alternated between utter dejection, +for which there would have been no cause were he in his normal +condition, and sanguine hopes and expectations that were still more +baseless. He had not gone to a physician and made known his condition, +as he had intended while on his brief visit to the country; his +pride had revolted at such a confession of weakness, and he felt +that surely he would have sufficient strength of mind to break the +spell unaided. But, so far from breaking it, every day had increased +its power. + +The effects of opium and the strength of the habit, as is the case +with other stimulants, vary with the temperament and constitution +of the victims. A few can use it with comparative moderation and +with no great detriment for a long time, especially if they allow +considerable intervals to elapse between the periods of indulgence, +but they eventually sink into as horrible a thraldom as that which +degrades the least cautious. Upon far more the drug promptly fastens +its deathly grip, and too often when they awaken to their danger +they find themselves almost powerless. Still if they would then +seek a physician's advice and resolutely cease using the poison in +any form, they would regain their physical and mental tone within +a comparatively brief time. I am glad to believe that some do +stop at this period and escape. Their sufferings for a time must +be severe, and yet they are nothing compared with the tortures +awaiting them if they do not abstain. The majority, however, +temporize and attempt a gradual reformation. There is not a ray of +hope or the faintest prospect of cure for those who at this stage +adopt half-way measures. They soon learn that they cannot maintain +the moderation which they have resolved upon. A healthful man of +good habits may be said to be at par. One indulgence in opium lifts +him far above par, but in the inevitable reaction he sinks below +it, and wronged nature will not rally at once; therefore she is +hastened and spurred by the stimulant, and the man rises above par +again, yet not quite so high as before, and he sinks lower in the +reaction. With this process often repeated the system soon begins +to lose its elasticity; the man sinks lower and more heavily +every time; the amount of the drug that once produced a delightful +exhilaration soon scarcely brings him up to par, and he must +steadily strengthen the fatal leverage until at last even a deadly +dose cannot lift him into any condition like his old exhilaration +or serenity. + +There are a vast number of men and women who ought never to take +stimulants at all. They had better die than to begin to use them +habitually, and even to touch them is hazardous. There is slumbering +in their natures a predisposition toward their excessive use which +a slight indulgence may kindle into a consuming, clamorous desire. +Opium had apparently found something peculiarly congenial in Mr. +Jocelyn's temperament and constitution, and at first it had rewarded +him with experiences more delightful than most of its votaries +enjoy. But it is not very long content to remain a servant, and in +many instances very speedily becomes the most terrible of masters. +He had already reached such an advanced stage of dependence upon it +that its withdrawal would now leave him weak, helpless, and almost +distracted for a time. It would probably cost him his situation; +his weakness would be revealed to his family and to the world, and +the knowledge of it might prevent his obtaining employment elsewhere; +therefore he felt that he must hide the vice and fight it to its +death in absolute secrecy. Under the terrible necromancy of his sin +the wife from whom he had scarcely concealed a thought in preceding +years was the one whom he most feared. As yet the habit was a sin, +because he had the power to overcome it if he would simply resolve +to do right regardless of the consequences; and these would be +slight indeed compared with the results of further indulgence. He +had better lose his situation a hundred times; he had better see +his family faint from hunger for weeks together, should such an +ordeal be an essential part of his struggle for freedom, for only +by such an unfaltering effort could he regain the solid ground on +which enduring happiness and prosperity could be built. As it was, +he was rapidly approaching a point where his habit would become a +terrible and uncontrollable disease, for which he would still be +morally responsible--a responsibility, however, in which, before +the bar of true justice, the physician who first gave the drug +without adequate caution would deeply share. He felt his danger as +he sat cowering over the dying fire; even with its warmth added to +that of the summer night he shivered at his peril, but he did not +appreciate it in any proper sense. He resolved again, as he often +had before, that each day should witness increasing progress, then +feeling that he MUST sleep he bared his arm and sent enough of +Magendie's solution into his system to produce such rest as opium +bestows. + +To her surprise Mildred found the awakening of her father a difficult +task the following morning. The boat on which his wife and children +were to arrive was probably already at the wharf, and she had thought +he would be up with the sun to meet them, but he seemed oppressed +with an untimely stupor. When at last he appeared he explained that +the fire on the hearth had induced a fit of brooding over the past +and future, and that he had sat up late. + +"Here's a cup of coffee, papa," she said briskly, "and it will wake +you up. I'll have breakfast ready for you all by the time you can +return, and I'm so eager to see mamma that I could fly to her." + +Mortified that he should even appear dilatory at such a time, +he hastened away, but he was far beyond such a mild stimulant as +coffee. Even now, when events were occurring which would naturally +sustain from their deep personal interest, he found himself reduced +to an almost complete dependence on an unnatural support. Before +sleeping he had appealed to his dread master, and his first waking +moments brought a renewed act of homage. Opium was becoming his +god, his religion. Already it stood between him and his wife and +children. It was steadily undermining his character, and if not +abandoned would soon leave but the hollow semblance of a man. + +As the steamboat arrived in the night, Mrs. Jocelyn had no sense of +disappointment at not being met, and through Mildred's persistency +it was still early when her husband appeared. His greeting was so +affectionate, and he appeared so well after his hasty walk, that +the old glad, hopeful look came into her eyes. To Belle and the +children, coming back to the city was like coming home as in former +years, only a little earlier. The farm had grown to be somewhat of +an old story, and Belle had long since voted it dull. + +"Well, Nan, we've come down to two rooms in very truth, and in an +old, old house, too, that will remind you of some of the oldest in +the South," and he drew such a humorous and forlorn picture of their +future abode that his wife felt that he had indeed taken her at +her word, and that they would scarcely have a place to lay their +heads, much less to live in any proper sense; and when she stopped +before the quaint and decrepit house without any front door; when +she followed her husband up the forlorn stairway to what seemed a +side entrance with its most dismal outlook, she believed that the +time for fortitude had come, in bitter truth. The hall was dark +to her sun-blinded eyes, as it had been to Mildred's, yet not so +dark but that she saw doors open and felt herself scanned with an +unblushing curiosity by slattern-looking women, her near neighbors, +and the thought that they were so very near made her shiver. As for +Belle, she did not take pains to hide her disgust. With a sinking +heart and faltering courage the poor gentlewoman mounted the winding +stairs, but before she reached the top there was a rush from an +open doorway, and Mildred clasped her in close embrace. + +"Welcome home!" she cried, in her clear, sweet, girlish voice. + +"Home, Millie! what a mockery that word is in this strange, strange +place!" she half whispered, half sobbed in her daughter's ear. + +"Courage, mamma. We promised papa we'd ask nothing better than he +could afford," Mildred murmured. "Don't let him see tears--he has +already put Fred down and is turning to welcome you to the best +home he can offer." + +Had the rooms been cells only, with but a pallet of straw upon the +floors, Mrs. Jocelyn would have responded to that appeal, and she +stepped forward resolved to smile and appear pleased with everything, +no matter how stifled she might feel for want of space, air, and +light. + +But when she crossed the threshold into the spacious, sun-lighted +room, and looked up at the high ceiling and across its wide area; +when she had glanced around and seen on every side the results of +the strong spells laid upon stout Mrs. Wheaton by Mildred's domestic +magic, and the dainty touches with which the solid work had been +supplemented, her face lighted up with a sweet surprise. + +"Oh, OH, how much better this is than you led me to expect! Is all +this really ours? Can we afford so large a room? Here are the dear +old things, too, with which I first went to housekeeping." Then +stepping to her husband's aide she put her arm around his neck as +she looked into his eyes and said, "Martin, this is home. Thank +God, it is home-like after all. With you and the children around +me I can be more than content--I can be very happy in this place. +I feared that we might be too crowded, and that the children might +suffer." + +"Of course you didn't think of yourself, Nan. Millie's the good +fairy to thank for all this. The way she and another female divinity +have conjured in these rooms the last three days is a matter wholly +beyond the masculine mind." + +"Father did a great deal, too, and did it much better than you could +expect from a man. But, come, I'm mistress of this small fraction +of the venerable mansion till after breakfast, and then, mamma, +I'll put the baton of rule in your hands. I've burned my fingers +and spoiled my complexion over the stove, and I don't intend that +a cold breakfast shall be the result." + +"Millie," cried Belle, rushing out of the second room, which she +had inspected in her lightning-like way before greeting her sister, +"our room is lovely. You are a gem, an onyx, a fickle wild rose. +It's all splendid--a perpetual picnic place, to which we'll bring +our own provisions and cook 'em our own way. No boss biddies in +this establishment. It's ever so much better than I expected after +you once get here; but as the hymn goes, 'How dark and dismal is +the way!'" + +It was with difficulty that the children, wild over the novelty of +it all, could be settled quietly at the table. It was the family's +first meal in a tenement-house. The father's eye grew moist as he +looked around his board and said, deep in his heart, "Never did a +sweeter, fairer group grace a table in this house, although it has +stood more than a century. If for their sakes I cannot be a man--" + +"Martin," began his wife, her delicate features flushing a little, +"before we partake of this our first meal I want you all to join +me in your hearts while I say from the depths of mine, God bless +our home." + +An hour later, as he went down-town, Mr. Jocelyn finished his +sentence. "If for the sake of such a wife and such children I cannot +stop, I'm damned." + + + + +CHAPTER XVI + +BELLE AND MILDRED + + +The cosmopolitan bachelor living in apartments knows far more of +Sanscrit than of a domestic woman's feelings as she explores the +place she must call her home. It may be a palace or it may be but +two rooms in a decaying tenement, but the same wistful, intent +look will reveal one of the deepest needs of her nature. Eve wept +not so much for the loss of Eden as for the loss of home--the familiar +place whose homeliest objects had become dear from association. The +restless woman who has no home-hunger, no strong instinct to make +a place which shall be a refuge for herself and those she loves, +is not the woman God created. She is the product of a sinister +evolution; she is akin to the birds that will not build nests, but +take possession of those already constructed, ousting the rightful +occupants. + +Mrs. Jocelyn and Mildred were unperverted; they were womanly in +every fibre, and the interest with which they planned, consulted, +and dwelt upon each detail of their small household economy is +beyond my power to interpret. They could have made the stateliest +mansion in the city homelike; they did impart to their two poor +rooms the essential elements of a home. It was a place which no one +could enter without involuntary respect for the occupants, although +aware of nothing concerning them except their poverty. + +"Mrs. Atwood and Susan actually cried when we came to go," Mrs. +Jocelyn remarked as they were all busy together, "and even old Mr. +Atwood was wonderfully good for him. He and Roger put a great many +harvest apples and vegetables in a large box, and Mrs. Atwood added +a jar of her nice butter, some eggs, and a pair of chickens. I +told them that we must begin life again in a very humble way, and +they just overflowed with sympathy and kindness, and I could scarcely +induce them to take any money for the last week we were there. It +was funny to see old Mr. Atwood: he wanted the money dreadfully--any +one could see that, for a dollar is dear to his heart--but he +also wanted to be generous like his wife, and to show his strong +good-will. They sent heaps of love to you, Millie, and cordially +invited us to visit them next summer; they also offered to board +us again for just as little as they could afford. Even Jotham +appeared to have something on his mind, for he was as helpful as +an elephant, and stood around, and stood around, but at last went +off muttering to himself." + +"Millie," said Belle indignantly, "I think you treated Roger +shamefully. After we returned from seeing you off, mamma and I went +mooning up to that hill of yours looking toward the south, because +you and papa were in that direction. Suddenly we came upon Roger +sitting there with his face buried in his hands. 'Are you ill?' +mamma asked, as if his trouble might have been a stomach-ache. +He started up and looked white in the moonlight. 'She was cruel,' +he said passionately; 'I only asked for friendship. I would have +given my life for her, but she treated Jotham better than she did +me, and she thinks I'm no better than he is--that I'm one of the +farm animals.' 'Mr. Atwood,' mamma began, 'she did not mean to be +cruel'--he interrupted her with an impatient gesture. 'The end +hasn't come yet,' he muttered and stalked away." + +Mildred sat down with a little perplexed frown upon her face. +"I'm sure I meant him only kindness," she said; "why will he be so +absurd?" + +"You had a queer way of showing your kindness," snapped Belle. + +"What would you have me to do? Encourage him to leave home, and +all sorts of folly?" + +"You can't prevent his leaving home. Mark my words, he'll soon be +in this city, and he'll make his way too. He's a good deal more +of a man than your lily-fingered Mr. Arnold, and if he wants to be +friendly to me and take me out sometimes, I won't have him snubbed. +Of course all my old friends will cut me dead." + +"Oh, if he will transfer his devotion to you, Belle, I'll be as +friendly as you wish. + +"No, you've spoiled him for me or any one else. He's fool enough to +think there's not another girl in the world but Mildred Jocelyn, and +he'll get you if you don't look out, for he has the most resolute +look that I ever saw in any one's eyes. The day before we came +away something happened that took away my breath. A man brought a +young horse which he said no one could manage. Roger went out and +looked into the beast's eyes, and the vicious thing bit at him and +struck at him with his forefoot. Then as he tried to stroke his +back he kicked up with both hind feet. Oh, he was a very Satan of +a horse, and they had a rope around his head that would have held +a ship. Roger went and got what he called a curb-bit, and almost in +a twinkling he had slipped it on the horse, and without a moment's +hesitation he sprang upon his bare back. The horse then reared +so that I thought he'd fall over backward on Roger. Mamma fairly +looked faint--it was right after dinner--Susan and the children +were crying, his father and mother, and even the owner of the +horse, were calling to him to get off, but he merely pulled one rein +sharply, and down the horse came on his four feet again. Instead of +looking frightened he was coolly fastening the rope so as to have +it out of the way. After letting the ugly beast rear and plunge +and kick around in the road a few minutes, Roger turned his head +toward a stone wall that separated the road from a large pasture +field that was full of cows, and he went over the fence with a +flying leap, at which we all screamed and shouted again. Then away +they went round and round that field, the cows, with their tails +in the air, careering about also, as much excited as we were. At +last, when the horse found he couldn't throw him, he lay down and +rolled. Roger was off in a second, and then sat on the beast's +head for a while so he couldn't get up when he wanted to. At last +he let the brute get up again, but he was no sooner on his feet +than Roger was on his back, and away they went again till the horse +was all in a foam, and Roger could guide him easily with one hand. +He then leaped the tamed creature back into the road, and came +trotting quietly to the kitchen door. Springing lightly down, and +with one arm over the panting horse's neck, he said quietly, 'Sue, +bring me two or three lumps of sugar.' The horse ate them out of +his hand, and then followed him around like a spaniel. His owner +was perfectly carried away; 'Jerusalem!' he exclaimed, 'I've never +seen the beat of that. I offered you twenty-five dollars if you +would break him, and I'll make it thirty if at the end of a month +you'll train him to saddle and harness. He wasn't worth a rap till +you took him in hand.' 'It's a bargain,' said Roger coolly, and +then he whispered to me, 'That will buy me a pile of books.' That's +the kind of a man that I believe in," concluded Belle, nodding her +head emphatically, "and I want you to understand that Roger Atwood +and I are very good friends." + +Mildred meditatively bit her lip, and her cheeks had flushed with +excitement at Belle's story, but she would make no comment upon it +in words. "What does he want with so many books?" she asked, after +a moment. + +"You'll see before you are gray." + +"Indeed! has he taken you into his confidence, also?" + +"That's my affair. I believe in him, and so will you some day. He +already knows more Latin than you do." + +"That's not saying a great deal," replied Mildred, with a short, +vexed laugh. "How came he to know Latin?" + +"He studied it at school as you did. The fact is, you are so +prejudiced you know nothing about him. He's strong and brave, and +he'll do what he attempts." + +"He'll find that I am strong, too, in my way," said Mildred coldly. +"He said something that hurt me more than I hurt him, and all I ask +of him is to leave me alone. I wish him well, and all that, but we +are not congenial. Complete success in his wild ambition wouldn't +make any difference. He ought to remain at home and take care of +his own people." + +"Well, I'm glad he's coming to New York, and I hope for my sake +you'll treat him politely." + +"Oh, certainly for YOUR sake, Belle. Let us all stick to that." + +"Belle's a mere child," said Mrs. Jocelyn, with her low laugh. + +"I'm sixteen years old, I thank you; that is, I shall be soon; and +I know a real man from the ghost of one." + +"Belle," cried Mildred, in a tone she rarely used, "I will neither +permit nor pardon any such allusions." + +"Come, girls," expostulated their mother, "our nest is too small +for any disagreements, and we have a great deal too much to do for +such useless discussions. I'm sorry with Millie that Roger is bent +on leaving home, for I think his parents need him, and he could do +well in the country. The city is too crowded already." + +"He'll make his way through the crowd," persisted Belle. + +"Does his father or mother know of his plans?" + +"Well, to tell the truth, I don't know very much about his plans. +He talks little concerning himself, but when he took me out to +drive the day after Millie left, he said he had decided to come to +New York and get an education, and that if I'd let him know where +we lived he'd come and see me occasionally. I said, 'What will they +do at home without you?' and he replied, 'I can do more for them +away from home by and by than here.' Now, mamma, you'll let him +come to see me, won't you?" + +"Certainly, Belle. I'll be reasonable in this respect. I know young +people need company and recreation. My only aim has ever been to +secure you and Millie good company, and I hope your love for me, +Belle, will lead you to shun any other. As we are now situated you +must be very, very cautious in making new acquaintances. Young Mr. +Atwood is a good, honest-hearted fellow, and I think Millie is a +little prejudiced against him." + +"Very well, mamma, I'll be all smiles so long as he devotes himself +to Belle; but he must stop there most emphatically." + +Thus with busy tongues and busier hands they talked of the past +and the future while they unpacked and stowed away their belongings +with almost the same economy of space that is practiced on shipboard. +Mrs. Wheaton was introduced, and she at once became a fast ally of +Mrs. Jocelyn as well as of Mildred. + +"I 'ope yer'll halways remember yer 'ave a neighbor that's 'andy +and villing," she said, as she courtesied herself out. "Hit's too +bad," she muttered, on her way back to her room, "that she's 'ad +to come down to this, for she's a born lady; she's has much a lady +as hany 'oo howned this 'ouse a 'undred years hago." + +Thus their life began in the old mansion, and from its humble +shelter they looked abroad to see what they could obtain from the +great indifferent world without. + +"Belle and I must not be idle an hour longer than we can help," +said Mildred resolutely, on the following day; "and the only thing +is to find what it would be best to do. I am going out to try to +sell the work I did in the country, and see if I cannot get orders +for more of the same kind. My great hope is that I can work at +home. I wish I knew enough to be a teacher, but like all the rest +I know a little of everything, and not much of anything. Fancy work +will be my forte, if I can only sell it. I do hope I shan't meet +any one I know," and heavily veiled she took her way with her dainty +fabrics toward the region of fashionable shops. Those, however, who +were willing to buy offered her so little that she was discouraged, +and she finally left the articles at a store whose proprietor was +willing to receive them on commission. + +"You must not calculate on speedy sale," the lady in charge remarked. +"People are very generally out of town yet, and will be for some +time. Your work is pretty, however, and will sell, I think, later +on, although in these hard times useful articles are chiefly in +demand." + +"Please do your best for me," said Mildred appealingly, "and please +let me know what you think will sell. I'm willing to do any kind +of work I can that will bring the money we need." After receiving +some suggestions she bought more material, and then sat down to +work in the hope that the returning citizens would purchase her +articles so liberally that she could do her share toward the family's +support. + +She did not shrink from labor, but with the false pride so general +she did shrink morbidly from meeting those who knew her in the past, +and from their learning where and how she lived. She was wholly +bent on seclusion until their fortunes were greatly mended, fondly +hoping that her father would rally such a constituency from his +Southern acquaintance that he would soon command a fine salary. +And the expectation was not an unreasonable one, had Mr. Jocelyn +been able to work with persistent energy for a few years. The South +was impoverished, and while a remunerative trade might be built up +from it, patient and exceedingly aggressive labor would be required +to secure such a result. It is the curse of opium, however, to +paralyze energy, and to render all effort fitful and uncertain. He +should have written scores of letters daily, and attended to each +commission with the utmost promptness and care, but there were times +when the writing of a single letter was a burden, and too often +it was vague and pointless like the condition of his mind when it +was written. Mildred did not dream of this, and his employers felt +that they must give him time before expecting very much return for +his effort. Since he attended to routine duties fairly well there +was no cause for complaint, although something in his manner +often puzzled them a little. It was Mildred's belief that renewed +prosperity would soon enable them to live in a way entitling them +to recognition in the society to which Arnold belonged. If thus +much could be accomplished she felt that he own and her lover's +faithfulness would accomplish the rest. They were both young, and +could afford to wait. + +"The world brings changes for the better sometimes," she thought, +as she plied her needle, "as well as for the worse; and no matter +what his proud mother thinks, I'm sure I could take better care of +him than she can. Whether they know it or not, the course of his +family toward him is one of cold-blooded cruelty and repression. If +he could live in a genial, sunny atmosphere of freedom, affection, +and respect, his manhood would assert itself, he would grow stronger, +and might do as much in his way as Roger Atwood ever can in his. +He has a fine mind and a brilliant imagination; but he is chilled, +imbittered, and fettered by being constantly reminded of his +weakness and dependence; and now positive unhappiness is added to +his other misfortunes, although I think my little note will do him +no harm"--she dreamed that it might be carried next to his heart +instead of mouldering where the faithless Jotham had dropped it. +"I shall not punish him for his family's harsh pride, from which he +suffers even more than I do. Turn, turn, fortune's wheel! We are +down now, but that only proves that we must soon come up again. Being +poor and living in a tenement isn't so dreadful as I feared, and +we can stand it for a while. As stout Mrs. Wheaton says, 'There's +vorse troubles hin the vorld.' Now that we know and have faced the +worst we can turn our hopes and thoughts toward the best." + +Poor child! It was well the future was veiled. + +The mode of Belle's activity was a problem, but that incipient +young woman practically decided it herself. She was outspoken in +her preference. + +"I don't want to work cooped up at home," she said. "I'd go wild +if I had to sit and stitch all day. School half killed me, although +there was always some excitement to be had in breaking the rules." + +"Naughty Belle!" cried her mother. + +"Never naughty when you coax, mamma. I'd have been a saint if they'd +only taken your tactics with me, but they didn't know enough, thank +fortune, so I had my fun. If they had only looked at me as you do, +and put me on my honor, and appealed to my better feelings and all +that, and laughed with me and at me now and then, I'd been fool +enough to have kept every rule. You always knew, mamma, just how +to get me right under your thumb, in spite of myself." + +"I hope I may always keep you there, my darling, in spite of this +great evil world, out into which you wish to go. It is not under +my thumb, Belle, but under my protecting wing that I wish to keep +you." + +"Dear little mother," faltered the warm-hearted girl, her eyes filling +with tears, "don't you see I've grown to be too big a chicken to +be kept under your wing? I must go out and pick for myself, and +bring home a nice morsel now and then for the little mother, too. +Yes, I admit that I want to go out into the world. I want to be +where everything is bright and moving. It's my nature, and what's +the use of fighting nature? You and Millie can sit here like two +doves billing and cooing all day. I must use my wings. I'd die in +a cage, even though the cage was home. But never fear, I'll come +back to it every night, and love it in my way just as much as you +do in yours. You must put me in a store, mamma, where there are +crowds of people going and coming. They won't do me any more harm +than when I used to meet them in the streets, but they'll amuse me. +My eyes and hands will be busy, and I won't die from moping. I've +no more education than a kitten, but shop-girls are not expected +to know the dead languages, and I can talk my own fast enough." + +"Indeed you can!" cried Mildred. + +"But, Belle," said her mother, who was strongly inclined toward +Mildred's idea of seclusion until fortune's wheel HAD turned, +"how will you like to have it known in after years that you were +a shopgirl?" + +"Yes," added Mildred, "you may have to wait on some whom you +invited to your little company last spring. I wish you could find +something to do that would be quiet and secluded." + +"Oh, nonsense!" cried Belle impatiently. "We can't hide like bears +that go into hollow trees and suck their paws for half a dozen years, +more or less"--Belle's zoological ideas were startling rather than +accurate--"I don't want to hide and cower. Why should we? We've +done nothing we need be ashamed of. Father's been unfortunate; so +have hundreds and thousands of other men in these hard times. Roger +showed me an estimate, cut from a newspaper, of how many had failed +during the last two or three years--why, it was an army of men. +We ain't alone in our troubles, and Roger said that those who cut +old acquaintances because they had been unfortunate were contemptible +snobs, and the sooner they were found out the better; and I want +to find out my score or two of very dear friends who have eaten +ice-cream at our house. I hope I may have a chance to wait on 'em. +I'll do it with the air of a princess," she concluded, assuming +a preternatural dignity, "and if they put on airs I'll raise +the price of the goods, and tell them that since they are so much +above other people they ought to pay double price for everything. +I don't believe they'll all turn up their noses at me," she added, +after a moment, her face becoming wistful and gentle in its expression +as she recalled some favorites whose whispered confidences and vows +of eternal friendship seemed too recent to be meaningless and empty. + +The poor child would soon learn that, although school-girls' vows +are rarely false, they are usually as fragile and transient as +harebells. She had dropped into a different world, and the old one +would fade like a receding star. She would soon find her that her +only choice must be to make new associations and friendships and +find new pleasures; and this her mercurial, frank, and fearless +nature would incline her to do very promptly. + +With Mildred it was different. The old life was almost essential +to her, and it contained everything that her heart most craved. + +Her courage was not Belle's natural and uncalculating intrepidity. +She would go wherever duty required her presence, she would sacrifice +herself for those she loved, and she was capable of martyrdom for +a faith about as free from doctrinal abstractions as the simple +allegiance of the sisters of Bethany to the Christ who "loved" +them. Notwithstanding the truth of all this, it has already been +shown that she was a very human girl. Brave and resolute she could +be, but she would tremble and escape if possible. Especially would +she shrink from anything tending to wound her womanly delicacy and +a certain trace of sensitive Southern pride. Above all things she +shrank from that which threatened her love. This was now her life, +and its absorbing power colored all her thoughts and plans. Both +conscience and reason, however, convinced her that Belle was right, +and that the only chance for the vigorous, growing girl was some +phase of active life. With her very limited attainments, standing +behind a counter seemed the only opening that the family would +consider, and it was eventually agreed upon, after a very reluctant +consent from her father. + + + + +CHAPTER XVII + +BELLE LAUNCHES HERSELF + + +Only the least of Belle's difficulties were past when she obtained +consent to stand behind a counter. With her mother she made many +a weary expedition through the hot streets, and was laughed at in +some instances for even imagining that employment could be obtained +at the dullest season of the year. As soon as their errand was +made known they were met by a brief and often a curt negative. Mrs. +Jocelyn would soon have been discouraged, but Belle's black eyes +only snapped with irritation at their poor success. "Give up?" +she cried. "No, not if I have to work for nothing to get a chance. +Giving up isn't my style, at least not till I'm tired of a thing; +besides it's a luxury poor people can't indulge in." + +Mrs. Jocelyn felt that the necessity which compelled this quest +was a bitter one, and her heart daily grew sorer that she had not +resolutely saved part of every dollar earned by her husband in the +old prosperous times. As she saw the poor young creatures standing +wearily, and often idly and listlessly, through the long summer +days, as her woman's eyes detected in the faces of many the impress +of the pain they tried to conceal but could never forget, she half +guessed that few laborers in the great city won their bread more +hardly than these slender girls, doomed in most instances never +to know a vigorous and perfected womanhood. "Belle, my child, how +can you stand during these long, hot days? It's providential that +we can't find any place." + +"Well, mamma, I'm not very well up in the ways of Providence. I fear +the dull season has more to do with it. Nevertheless I'm going to +make a situation if I can't find one." + +She had in her mind a shop on Sixth Avenue, which had the appearance +of a certain "go and life," as she phrased it. + +"There's a strong-willed, wide-awake man back of that establishment," +she had said to herself more than once, "and if I could get at him +I believe he'd give me work, but the hateful old foreman stands in +the way like a dragon". + +She and her mother had been curtly informed by this well-dressed +"dragon," which parted its hair like a woman, that "there was +no use in bothering the proprietor; he never added to his help in +August--the idea was absurd." + +One morning after Mrs. Jocelyn had about given up the hope of obtaining +a place until the autumn trade revived--as far as it would revive +in those languid years--Belle started out alone, heavily veiled, and +with her purpose also veiled from her mother and Mildred. She went +straight to the shop on Sixth Avenue that had taken her fancy, and +walked up to the obnoxious foreman without a trace of hesitation. +"I wish to see Mr. Schriven," she said, in a quiet, decisive manner. + +"He is very busy, madam, and does not like to be disturbed. I will +attend to anything you wish." + +"Thank you; then please direct me to the proprietor's office without +delay." + +After a moment's hesitation the man complied. This veiled presence +had the appearance of a gentlewoman and was decided in manner. +Therefore he led the way to a small private office, and said, "A +lady, sir, who insists on seeing you," and then discreetly closed +the door and departed. + +The man of business allowed his pen to glide to the end of his +sentence before turning to greet his visitor. Belle in the meantime +had advanced to a point from which she could look directly into +his face, for, child though she was, she understood that it was +her difficult task first to obtain a hearing, and then to disarm +his anger at her intrusion. Aware, however, that she had nothing +to lose and everything to gain by the adventure, her natural +fearlessness and quickness of tongue carried her through. She +had already guessed that an appeal for employment, even the most +pitiful, would meet with a flat, prompt refusal, therefore she had +resolved on different tactics. + +At last the man lifted his head in his quick, imperious way, asking, +as he turned toward her, "What is your business with me, madam?" + +"I like your store very much," Belle remarked quietly. + +Mr. Schriven now really glanced at her, and he found her brilliant +black eyes and fair flushed face such pleasing objects of contemplation +that he was content to look for a moment while he puzzled a little +over the unexpected apparition. He then smiled satirically and +said, "What follows from so momentous a fact?" + +"It follows that I would rather be employed here than in other +stores that I do not like so well. My mother and I have visited +nearly every one, and I like yours best." + +"Well, this IS cool. You and your mother were refused employment +at this season at all the others, were you not?" + +"Yes, sir." + +"And my foreman declined your services here, also, did he not?" + +"Yes, sir, but I was sure that if I saw you I should obtain my +wish. There's a life and snap about this place that I didn't see +elsewhere, and therefore I knew a live man, and not a machine, was +back of it, and that if I could see and talk with him he'd give me +a chance." + +"You are exceedingly flattering," said the man, with another +satirical smile. "Has it not occurred to you that your course is +just tinged with assurance?" + +"Have I said or done anything unbecoming a lady?" asked Belle +indignantly. + +Mr. Schriven laughed good-naturedly, for Belle's snapping eyes and +brusque ways were beginning to interest him. "Oh, I forgot that you +American working-women are all ladies. I am told that you speak of +certain of your number as 'scrub-ladies' and 'washer-ladies.'" + +"You may call me a shop-girl, sir, as soon as I am in your employ." + +"And why not now?" + +"Because I'm not yet a shop-girl, and never have been one. I've +often bought goods with my mother in this very store, and I come +from as good blood as there is in the South. A few months ago my +social position was as good as yours, and now that we have been +unfortunate and I must work, I see no presumption in asking you to +your face for honest work." + +"Not at all, my dear young lady," resumed Mr. Schriven, still +maintaining his half-amused, half-ironical manner, "but I must inform +you that I cannot afford to employ my social equals as shop-girls." + +"When I enter your employ of my own free will," responded Belle +promptly, "I the same as promise to obey all the rules and regulations +of your establishment, and I'll do it, too. What's more, I'll sell +so many goods in dull times and all times that you can well afford +to make a place for me if you have none. One thing is certain--I'm +going to get work, and my work will repay those who employ me a +hundred times." + +"Well, you are an odd fish," Mr. Schriven ejaculated; "I beg your +pardon, you are not yet in my employ--you are an eccentric young +lady, and a very young one, too, to be making your way in the world +in this irresistible style. You mean what you say, that if employed +you will put on no airs and conform to rules?" + +"I mean just what I say." + +Mr. Schriven fell into a foxy fit of musing, and there rose before +his mind the pale face and dragged, weary, listless look of a girl +now standing at the ribbon counter. "She'll break down when hard +work begins again," he thought; "she's giving way now with nothing +much to do. To be sure she has been here a long time, and has done +her best and all that, but her day is past, and here's plenty of +young flesh and blood to fill her place. This one is rather young, +but she's smart as a whip--she's full of mettle and is fresh and +healthy-looking. It won't do to have pale girls around, for it +gives cursed busybodies a chance to rant about women standing all +day. (Out of the corner of his eye he measured Belle from head to +foot.) She can stand, and stand it, too, for a long while. She's +compact and stout. She's built right for the business." At last he +said, aloud, "In case I should so far depart from my usual custom +and make a place for you, as you suggest, what do you propose to +charge for the services you rate so highly?" + +"What you choose to give." + +"Well," was the laughing answer, "there's method in your madness. +Take that pen and write what I dictate." + +Belle wrote a few sentences in a dashing, but sufficiently legible +hand. + +"You will have to practice a little, and aim at distinctness +and clearness. That's more than style in business," Mr. Schriven +continued deliberately, for the young creature was so delightfully +fresh and original that he began to regard her as an agreeable +episode in the dull August day. "I'll make a place for you, as you +say, if you will come for three dollars a week and comply with the +rules. You are to do just as you are bid by those having charge of +your department, and you had better keep on their right side. You +are not to come to me again, remember, unless I send for you," he +concluded, with his characteristic smile; "an event that you must +not look forward to, for I assure you such interviews are rare +in my experience. Come next Monday at seven if you agree to these +conditions." + +"I agree, and I thank you," the girl promptly answered, her +brilliant eyes glowing with triumph, for thoughts like these were +in her mind: "How I can crow over mamma and Millie, who said this +very morning there was no use in trying! Won't it be delicious to +hand papa enough money to pay the rent for a month!" No wonder the +child's face was radiant. + +The thoughts of her employer were of quite a different character. +He gave her a look of bold admiration, and said familiarly, "By +Jupiter, but you are a daisy!" + +Belle's manner changed instantly. He caught a swift, indignant flash +in her dark eyes, and then she laid her hand on the door-knob and +said, with the utmost deference and distance of manner, "I will try +to attend to the duties of my station in a way that will cause no +complaint. Good morning, sir." + +"Wait a moment," and Mr. Schriven touched a bell, and immediately +the foreman appeared. + +"Give this girl a place next Monday at the ribbon counter," he said, +in the quick staccato tones of one who is absolute and saves time +even in the utterance of words. "I also wish to see you two hours +hence." + +The man bowed, as if all were a matter of course, but when he was +alone with Belle he said sharply, "You think you got ahead of me." + +He would indeed have been the most malicious of dragons had not +Belle's smiling face and frank words disarmed him. + +"I did get ahead of you, and you know it, but you are too much of +a man to hold a grudge against a poor girl who has her bread to +earn. Now that I am under your charge I promise that I'll do my +best to please you." + +"Very well, then; we'll see. I'll have my eye on you, and don't +you forget it." + +Mrs. Jocelyn and Mildred laughed, sighed, and shook their heads over +Belle's humorous account of her morning's adventure. They praised +her motive, they congratulated her on her success, but her mother +said earnestly, "My dear little girl, don't get bold and unwomanly. +We had all better starve than come to that. It would wound me to +the heart if your manner should ever cause any one to think of you +otherwise than as the pure-hearted, innocent girl that you are. But +alas! Belle, the world is too ready to think evil. You don't know +it yet at all." + +She knew it better than they thought. There was one phase of her +interview with Mr. Schriven that she had not revealed, well knowing +that her gentle mother would be inexorable in her decision that the +shop must not even be entered again. The girl was rapidly acquiring +a certain shrewd hardihood. She was not given to sentiment, and +was too young to suffer deeply from regret for the past. Indeed +she turned buoyantly toward the future, while at the same time she +recognized that life had now become a keen battle among others in +like condition. + +"I don't intend to starve," she said to herself, "nor to bite off +my own nose because the world is not just what mother and Millie +think it ought to be. Papa would be inclined to break that man's +head if I told him what he said and how he looked. But what would +come of it? Papa would go to jail and we into the street. Unless +papa can get up in the world again very fast, Millie and I shall find +that we have got to take care of ourselves and hold our tongues. I +hadn't been around with mamma one day before I learned that much. +Mamma and Millie were never made to be working-women. They are +over-refined and high-toned, but I can't afford too much of that +kind of thing on three dollars a week. I'm a 'shop lady'--that's +the kind of lady I'm to be--and I must come right down to what +secures success without any nonsense." + +In justice it should be said that Belle's practical acceptance of +the situation looked forward to no compromise with evil; but she +had seen that she must come in contact with the world as it existed, +and that she must resolutely face the temptations incident to her +lot rather than vainly seek to escape from them. Alas! her young +eyes had only caught a faint glimpse of the influences that would +assail her untrained, half-developed moral nature. Body and soul +would be taxed to the utmost in the life upon which she was entering. + +On the Sunday following Mr. Jocelyn slept so late that none of +the family went to church. Indeed, since their old relations were +broken up they scarcely knew where to go, and Mildred no more +felt that she could return to the fashionable temple in which Mrs. +Arnold worshipped than present herself at the elegant mansion on +Fifth Avenue. The family spent the after part of the day in one +of the most secluded nooks they could find in Central Park, and +Mildred often looked back upon those hours as among the brightest +in the shrouded past. Mr. Jocelyn gauged his essential stimulant +so well that he was geniality itself; Belle was more exuberant than +usual; Fred and Minnie rejoiced once more in flowers and trees and +space to run. Mrs. Jocelyn's low, sweet laugh was heard again and +again, for those who made her life were all around her, and they +seemed happier than they had been for many a long, weary day. For +a brief time at least the sun shone brightly through a rift in the +clouds gathering around them. + +Beyond the fact that Belle had found a place, little was said to +Mr. Jocelyn, for the subject seemed very painful to him, and the +young girl started off Monday morning in high spirits. The foreman +met her in a curt, business-like way, and assigned her to her +place, saying that the girl in charge of the goods would tell her +about the marks, prices, etc. This girl and her companions received +Belle very coldly, nor did they thaw out before her sunshine. As a +matter both of duty and interest the young woman upon whom the task +devolved explained all that was essential in a harsh, constrained +voice, and the others ignored the newcomer during business hours. +Belle paid no attention to them, but gave her whole mind to the +details of her work, making rapid progress. "I'll have time for +them by and by," she muttered, "and can manage them all the better +when I know as much as they do." + +She saw, too, that the foreman had his eye upon her and her companions, +so she assumed the utmost humility and docility, but persisted in +being told and retold all she wished to know. Since she observed +that it was the foreman's eye and not good-will which constrained +the cold, unsympathetic instruction received, she made no scruple +in taxing the giver to the utmost. + +When at last they went to the room in which they ate their lunch, +the girls treated her as if she were a leper; but just to spite them +she continued as serene as a May morning, either acting as if she +did not see them or treating them as if they were the most charming +young women she had ever met. She saw with delight that her course +aggravated them and yet gave no cause for complaint. + +As soon as permitted she hastened home, and was glad to lie down all +the evening from sheer fatigue, but she made light of her weariness, +concealed the treatment she had received from the girls, and the +dejection it was beginning to occasion in spite of her courage; +she even made the little home group laugh by her droll accounts of +the day. Then they all petted and praised and made so much of her +that her spirits rose to their usual height, and she said confidently, +as she went to a long night's rest, "Don't you worry, little mother; +I didn't expect to get broken in to my work without a backache." + +The next day it was just the same, but Belle knew now what to charge +for the ribbons, or, if she was not sure, the others were obliged, +under the eye of the inexorable foreman--who for some reason gave +this counter a great deal of attention--to tell her correctly, so +she began to lie in wait for customers. Some came to her of their +own accord, and they smiled back into her eager, smiling face. + +In two or three instances her intent black eyes and manner seemed +to attract attention and arrest the steps of those who had no +intention of stopping. One case was so marked that the alert foreman +drew near to note the result. An elderly lady, whose eye Belle had +apparently caught by a look of such vivacity and interest that the +woman almost felt that she had been spoken to, came to the girl, +saying, "Well, my child, what have you that is pretty to-day?" + +"Just what will please you, madam." + +"YOU please me, whether your ribbons will or not. It's pleasant +for a customer to be looked at as if she were not a nuisance," she +added significantly, and in a tone that Belle's companions, with +their cold, impassive faces, could not fail to hear. "You may pick +out something nice for one of my little granddaughters." + +Dimpling with smiles and pleasure, Belle obeyed. Feeling that the eye +of the arbiter of their fates was upon them, the young women near +might have been statues in their rigid attitudes. Only the hot blood +mounting to their faces betrayed their anger. There was evidently +something wrong at the ribbon counter--something repressed, a +smouldering and increasing indignation, a suggestion of rebellion. +So the foreman evidently thought, from his frequent appearances; +so the floor-walker clearly surmised, for with imperious glances +and words he held each one sternly to her duty. Belle was smiling +and working in the midst of a gathering storm, and she was becoming +conscious of it. So far from cowering, her indignation was fast +rising, and there was an ominous glow kindling in her dark eyes. +Their seemingly unwarranted hostility and jealousy were beginning +to incense her. She believed she had as much right there as they +had, and she resolved to maintain her right. Catching an ireful +glance from the girl in charge of the counter, she returned it with +interest. Even this spark came very near kindling the repressed +fires into an open flame, regardless of consequences. The bread of +these girls was at stake, but women are not calculating when their +feelings are deeply disturbed. + +At last, just as the wretched afternoon was ending, and preparations +to close were in progress, a pale, thin girl, with a strange and +rather reckless look, came in, and, sitting down before Belle, +fixed her gaunt eyes upon her. + +"So you were heartless enough to take my place away from me?" she +said slowly, after a moment. + +"I don't know what you mean," answered Belle indignantly. + +"Yes, you do know what she means, you little black snake in the +grass," whispered one of the girls in her ear while pretending to +put a box upon the shelf. + +Belle whirled upon her with such a vivid and instantaneous flash +of anger that the girl stepped back precipitately and dropped the +box. + +Just at this moment Mr. Schriven, in the act of departure, came out +of his office and witnessed the whole scene. He stopped and smiled +broadly. The foreman had informed him from time to time of the little +"comedy" progressing at the ribbon counter, and the two potentates +felt quite indebted to Belle for a sensation in the dullest of dull +seasons, especially at the girl's conduct was wholly in the line +of their wishes, regulations, and interests. "She's as plucky as a +terrier," the echo of his chief had said, "and the time will come +when she'll sell more goods than any two girls in the store. You +made a ten-strike in effecting that exchange." + +It was rich sport for them to see her fiery spirit arousing and yet +defying the intense and ill-concealed hostility of her companions--a +hostility, too, that was extending beyond the ribbon counter, and +had been manifesting itself by whispering, significant nods, and +black looks toward the poor child all the afternoon; but so far +from shrinking before this concentration of ill-will Belle had only +grown more indignant, more openly resentful, and unable to maintain +her resolute and tantalizing serenity. + +Feeling that it would compromise his dignity and authority even +to appear to notice what was going forward, Mr. Schriven wrapped +himself in his greatness and passed down the shop, sweeping the excited +group--that was restrained for the moment by his presence--with a +cold, nonchalant glance, from which, however, nothing escaped. When +in the street his characteristic smile reappeared. + +"By the Lord Harry!" he muttered, "if she isn't the gamiest bit of +flesh and blood that I've seen in a long time! She's worth looking +after." + +Since his eye and restraining presence, however, were now absent +from the store, there would have been no small tumult at the ribbon +counter had not Belle by her straight-forward, fearless manner brought +things to a speedy issue. There were now no customers in the shop, +and the discipline of the day was practically over, therefore +the girl on whom Belle had turned so passionately, having reached +a safe distance, said, outspokenly, "I'll say it now, so all can +hear, even if I lose my place for it. You are a mean, p'ismis +little black snake in the grass. We all know how you got this girl +out of the place she's had for years, and I want you to understand +that if you stay you'll have a hot time of it." + +"And I want you to understand that if I've a right to stay, I WILL +stay," cried Belle, in a ringing voice. "I'm not afraid of you, nor +a thousand like you. Either you're all cats to treat a young girl +as you've treated me the last two days, or else there's something +that I don't understand. But I' m going to understand it here and +now. You hold your tongue, and let this girl speak who says I've +taken her place. She's the one I'm to deal with. But first let me +say how I got this place--I asked for it. That's the whole story, +and I didn't know I was taking it from any one else." + +Belle's courageous and truth-stamped manner began to create a +diversion in her favor, and all near listened with her to what the +dismissed girl might say. The latter did not in the least respond +to Belle's energy, but after a long, weary sigh she began, without +raising her head from her hand as she sat leaning on the counter, +"Whether you're right or wrong, I'm too badly used up to quarrel +with you or to answer in any such gunpowdery fashion. I'm dead +beat, but I thought I'd like to come in and see you all once more, +and my old place, and who was standing in it. You are at the beginning, +my pert one. If I was as young and strong as you I wouldn't come +and stand here." + +"How is your mother?" asked the girl in charge of the counter. + +"She's dying, starving," was the reply, in the same dreary, apathetic +tone, and black looks were again directed toward Belle. + +She heeded them not, however. For a moment her eyes dilated with +horror, then she sprang to the girl, and taking her hands exclaimed, +"Good God! What do you mean? Let me go home with you." + +The girl looked at her steadfastly, and then said, "Yes, come home +with me. That's the best way to understand it all." + +"We'll bring your mother something by and by," said two or three +of the girls as the poor creature rose slowly to follow Belle, who +was ready instantly, and whose course compelled a suspension of +judgment on the part of those even the most prejudiced against her. + + + + +CHAPTER XVIII + +"I BELIEVE IN YOU" + + +"Come," cried Belle impatiently, as they made their way down Sixth +Avenue, which was crowded at that hour; "why do you walk so slowly? +If my mother was as badly off as you say yours is, I'd fly to her." + +"No, you wouldn't, if you had scarcely eaten anything for two days." + +"What!" Belle exclaimed, stopping short and looking at her companion +to see if she were in earnest. Something in her expression caused +the impulsive child to seize her hand and drag her into a bakery +near. Then snatching out her little purse she thrust it into the +girl's hands and said, "Here, take all I have and buy what you like +best." + +But instead of buying anything, the stranger looked wistfully into +the excited and deeply sympathetic face, and said slowly, "I don't +believe you're bad after all." + +"Oh, I'm bad enough--bad as most girls of my age," said the innocent +girl recklessly, "but I'm not bad enough to keep back a penny if I +knew any one was hungry. Stop looking at me and buy what you like, +or else let me do it. Take home some of this jelly-cake to your +mother. That would tempt my appetite if it ever needed any tempting. +I half believe you are shamming all this, you act so queer." + +"Come with me," said the girl, for the people in the store were +looking at them curiously. When in the street she continued, "You +are not bad. What is your name?" + +"Belle Jocelyn." + +"My name is Clara Bute. I AM hungry. I'm faint for food, but may +it choke me if I eat any before I take something home to mother! +Cake is not what either of us need, although it made me ravenous +to see it. You haven't much money here, Belle, and small as the +sum is, I don't know when I can repay it." + +"Oh, stop that kind of talk," cried Belle; "you'll drive me wild. +Let us get what your mother DOES want and take it to her without +another word." + +They purchased bread and milk, a little tea, a bit of beef, a +bundle of kindling-wood, and then Belle's slender funds gave out. +With these they turned into a side street and soon reached a tall +tenement. + +"Oh," sighed Clara, "how can I climb those dreadful stairs! We live +at the top." + +"Drink some of the milk," said Belle kindly, "and then let me carry +everything." + +"I guess I'll have to or I'll never get up at all." Slowly and +painfully she mounted flight after flight, sitting down at last +and resting after each ascent. "I didn't--realize--I was so weak," +she panted. + +"Tell me your room," said Belle, "and I'll come back and help you." + +"It's the--last one--back--top floor. I've given out." + +Belle left her sitting on the stairs and soon reached the door, +which had been left slightly ajar for air, for the evening was +sultry. She pushed it open with her foot, since her hands were so +full, and with her eyes fixed on the articles she was carrying so +as to drop nothing, she crossed the small room to a table and put +them down before looking around. + +"There's some--mistake," said a very low, hollow voice. + +Belle was almost transfixed by eyes as black as her own, gleaming +out of cavernous sockets and from the most emaciated face she had +ever seen. It seemed as if the dead were speaking to her. At any +rate, if the woman were not dead she soon would be, and the thought +flashed through Belle's mind that she would be the cause of her +death, since she had taken her daughter's place and robbed them +of sustenance. She who had been ready to face a whole shopful of +hostile people with undaunted eyes was seized with a remorseful +panic, and ran sobbing down to Clara, crying, "Oh, do come--let +me carry you"; and this she half did in her excitement. "Give +your mother something to make her better right away. Let me help +you--tell me what to do." + +Clara went to her mother and kissed her tenderly, whispering, +"Courage, momsy, I've got something nice for you." Then she turned +and said, "You are too excited, Belle. I'll do everything, and make +the little we have go a great way. You would waste things. I know +just what to do, only give me time," and she soaked some of the +bread in the milk and began feeding her mother, who swallowed with +great difficulty. + +"I'll take no more--till--I see you--eat something," gasped the +poor woman. "Who gave you all this? Who's that?" pointing feebly +at Belle. + +"I'm the girl that took Clara's place," Belle began, with a fresh +burst of sobs. "I didn't know I was doing it, and now I'll never +forgive myself." + +Clara looked at her wonderingly as she explained: "The foreman +said you asked Mr. Schriven to make a place for you, but I don't +believe you meant that he should 'sack' me to do it. Why, you are +nothing but a great, warm-hearted child. The girls said you were +'knowing,' and could 'play as deep a game as the next one,' and +that the foreman about the same as owned it to them. It's all his +doing and his master's. They both care more for a yard of ribbon +than for a girl, body and soul." + +"Well," said Belle, with bitter emphasis, "I'll never work for them +again--never, never." + +"Don't say that," resumed Clara, after coaxing her mother to take +a little more nourishment, and then sitting down to eat something +herself. "If you are poor you must do the best you can. Now that I +know you I'd rather you had my place than any one else, for"--she +gave a swift glance at her mother's closed eyes, and then whispered +in Belle's ear--"I couldn't keep it much longer. For the last two +weeks it has seemed I'd drop on the floor where you stood to-day, and +every night I've had harder work to climb these stairs. Oh, Lord! +I wish mother and I could both stay here now till we're carried +down together feet foremost." + +"Don't talk that way," pleaded Belle, beginning to cry again. +"We'll all do for you now, and you both will get better." + +"Who's 'we all'? Would you mind telling me a little about who you +are, and how you came to get my place?" + +Belle's brief sketch of herself, her history, and how the recent +events had come about, was very simple, but strong and original, +and left no doubt in her listener's mind. + +"My gracious!" Clara cried, as the room darkened, "your folks'll +be wild about you. I've nothing to offer you but your own, and I've +kept you talking when you must have been tired and hungry, but you +are so full of life that you put a bit of life in me. It's ages +since I felt as you do, and I'll never feel so again. Now run home +with your mind at rest. You have done us more good than you have +harm, and you never meant us any harm at all." + +"Indeed I did not," cried Belle, "but I'm not through with you +yet. I'll bring Millie back with me and a lot of things," and she +darted away. + +The inmates of the two rooms at the Old Mansion were, indeed, +anxious over Belle's prolonged absence. Her father had gone to the +shop; Mrs. Wheaton, with her apron thrown over her head, was on the +sidewalk with Mildred, peering up and down through the dusk, when +the half-breathless girl appeared. + +Her story was soon told, and Mrs. Wheaton was taken into their +confidence. From trembling apprehension on Belle's behalf, kind +Mrs. Jocelyn was soon deep in sympathy for the poor woman and her +daughter, and offered to go herself and look after them, but Mildred +and Mrs. Wheaton took the matter into their own hands, and Belle, +after gulping down a hasty supper, was eager to return as guide. +Mr. Jocelyn, who had returned from the closed store on a run, had +so far recovered from his panic concerning his child that he said +he would bring a physician from the dispensary, and, taking the +number, went to do his part for those who had become "neighbors +unto them." A woman on the same floor offered to look after Mrs. +Wheaton's children for an hour or two, and the two sisters and the +stout English woman, carrying everything they could think of to +make the poor creatures comfortable, and much that they could ill +spare, started on their errand of mercy. It never occurred to them +that they were engaged in a charity or doing a good deed. They +were simply following the impulses of their hearts to help those +of whose sore need they had just learned. Mildred panted a little +under her load before she reached the top of those long, dark stairs. +"I could never get to heaven this way," muttered Belle, upon whom +the day of fatigue and excitement was beginning to tell. "It's up, +up, up, till you feel like pitching the man who built these steps +head first down 'em all. It's Belle, Clara," she said, after a brief +knock at the door; then entering, she added, "I told you I'd come +back soon with help for you." + +"I'm sorry I've nothing to make a light with," Clara answered; "the +moon has been so bright of late that we did without light, and then +I got all out of money. We either had to pay the rent or go into +the street, unless some one took us in. Besides, mother was too +sick to be moved." + +"I've brought two candles," said Mrs. Wheaton. "They're heasier +managed hon a 'ot night," and she soon had one burning on the table +and another on the mantel. "I vant to see vat's to be done," she +continued, "because I must give yer a 'arty lift him a jiffy and +be back to my children hagain." Then going to the sick woman she +took her hand and felt her pulse. "'Ow do yer find yerself, mum?" +she asked. + +"Oh, I'm much--better--I shall--get well now," the poor soul gasped, +under the strange hallucination of that disease which, although +incurable, ever promises speedy health to its victims. + +"That's a splendid; that's the way to talk," cried Belle, who had +been oppressed with the fear that the woman would die, and that +she in some sense would be to blame. "Clara, this is sister Millie +that I told you about," and that was all the introduction the two +girls ever had. + +"Vy didn't you send yer mother to a 'ospital?" Mrs. Wheaton asked, +joining the girls at the table. + +"Don't say 'hospital' so mother can hear you. The very word would +kill her now, for there's nothing on earth she dreads more than +that they'll separate us and send her to a hospital. I've sometimes +thought it would have been best, and then it seemed it would kill +her at once, she was so opposed to it. That we might keep together +and to buy her delicacies I've parted with nearly everything in +the room, as you see," and it was bare indeed. A bed from which the +element of comfort had long since departed, two rickety chairs, a +pine table, a rusty stove, and a few dishes and cooking utensils +were about all there was left. With eyes slowly dilating Mildred +took in the bleak truth, but said only a few gentle words and was +very busy. She lifted Mrs. Bute's head, while Clara gave her a +little bread soaked in wine, and then aided Mrs. Wheaton in making +the room and bed a little more like what they should be by means of +the articles they had brought. Clara wonderingly saw that her little +closet was stocked with supplies for days to come. Her mother's +preternaturally brilliant eyes followed every movement, also, with +a dumb but eager questioning. Tired Belle in the meantime had +drawn a chair to the table, and with her head resting on her arms +had dropped asleep in a moment. + +"Why should your sister work in a store if you're not poor?" Clara +asked Mildred. "You can't be poor and spare all these things." + +"Yes, we're poor, but not so poor as you are," said Mildred simply. +"Belle touched our hearts in your behalf, and we see you need a +little neighborly help." + +"Well, I was never so mistaken in any one in my life," Clara +exclaimed, looking at the sleeping girl, with a remorseful gush of +tears. "There isn't a bad streak in her." + +At this moment the door opened, and two girls, who had been Clara's +companions at the shop, appeared with a few meagre parcels. Before +asking them in she pulled them back in the hall and there were a +few moments of eager whispering. Then they all came in and looked +at Belle, and Clara stooped down and kissed her lightly, at which +the girl smiled and murmured, "Dear little mother--always brooding +over her chicks." + +"She thinks she's home," explained Mildred, with moist eyes. + +"This is her sister," said Clara, "and this lady is a friend of +theirs. I know they've robbed themselves, they've brought so much." + +"Vun's honly ter come to Hameriker ter be a lady," chuckled Mrs. +Wheaton under her breath. + +"We won't wake your sister," said one of the girls. "She's tired, +and no wonder. We haven't treated her right at the store, but we +wasn't to blame, for we didn't know her at all. Please tell her +that we'll give her a different reception to-morrow," and after +another season of whispering in the hall they departed, leaving +the simple offerings gleaned from their poverty. + +Mr. Jocelyn and the physician soon appeared, and after a brief +examination the latter called Mr. Jocelyn aside and said, "Her pulse +indicates that she may die at any hour. There is no use in trying +to do anything, for the end has come. It has probably been hastened +by lack of proper food, but it's too late now to give much, for +there is no power of assimilation." + +"You had better tell the poor girl the truth, then," said Mr. +Jocelyn. + +Clara was called, and heard the verdict with a short, convulsive +sob, then was her weary, quiet self again, "I feared it was so," +was all she said. She now became aware that Mildred stood beside +her with an encircling and sustaining arm. "Don't," she whispered; +"don't be too kind or I'll break down utterly, and I don't want to +before mother. She don't know--she never will believe she can die, +and I don't want her to know. I'll have time enough to cry after +she's gone." + +"I feel I must stay vith yer to-night," warm-hearted Mrs. Wheaton +began; "and if Miss Jocelyn vill look hafter my children I vill." + +"No, Mrs. Wheaton," said Mildred decidedly, "I'm going to stay. +You ought to be with your children. Don't tell Belle, papa, and +take the poor child home. Clara and I can now do all that can be +done. Please don't say anything against it, for I know I'm right," +she pleaded earnestly in answer to her father's look of remonstrance. + +"Very well, then, I'll return and stay with you," he said. + +The physician's eyes dwelt on Mildred's pale face in strong admiration +as he gave her a few directions. "That's right, Millie, make her +well for mercy's sake or I'll have the horrors," Belle whispered +as she kissed her sister good-night. + +Soon Clara and Mildred were alone watching the gasping, fitful +sleeper. "After all that's been done--for me--to-night I'll--surely +get well," she had murmured, and she closed her eyes without an +apparent doubt of recovery. + +Mildred furtively expiorea the now dimly lighted room. "Merciful +Heaven," she sighed, "shall we ever come to this?" Clara's eyes +were fixed on her mother's face with pathetic intensity, watching +the glimmer of that mysterious thing we call life, that flickered +more and more faintly. The difference between the wasted form, +with its feeble animation, and what it must soon become would seem +slight, but to the daughter it would be wide indeed. Love could +still answer love, even though it was by a sign, a glance, a whisper +only; but when to the poor girl it would be said of her mother, +"She's gone," dim and fading as the presence had been, manifested +chiefly by the burdens it imposed, its absence would bring the +depths of desolation and sorrow. + +Going the poor creature evidently was, and whither? The child she +was leaving knew little of what was bright and pleasant in this +world, and nothing of the next. "Miss Jocelyn," she began hesitatingly. + +"Don't call me Miss Jocelyn; I'm a working-girl like yourself." + +"Millie, then, as Belle said?" + +"Yes." + +"Millie, do you believe in a heaven?" + +"Yes." + +"What is it like?" + +"I don't know very well. It's described to us under every grand +and beautiful image the world affords. I think we'll find it what +we best need to make us happy." + +"Oh, then it would be rest for mother and me," the girl sighed +wearily. + +"It's surely rest," Mildred replied quickly, "for I remember a +place in the Bible where it says, 'There remaineth a rest for the +people of God.'" + +"That's it," said Clara with some bitterness; "it's always the people +of God. What remains for such as we, who have always been so busy +fighting the wolf that we've thought little of God or church?" + +"You've been no poorer, Clara, than Christ was all His life, and +were He on earth now as He was once, I'd bring Him here to your +room. He'd come, too, for He lived among just such people as we +are, and never once refused to help them in their troubles or their +sins." + +"Once--once," cried Clara, with a gush of tears. "Where is He now?" + +"Here with us. I know it, for we need Him. Our need is our strongest +claim--one that He never refused. I have entreated Him in your +behalf and your mother's, and do you ask Him also to put heaven at +the end of this dark and often thorny path which most of us must +tread in this world." + +"Oh, Millie, Millie, I'm ignorant as a heathen. I did have a Bible, +but I sold even that to buy wine to save mother's life. I might +better have been thinking of saving her soul. She's too sick to be +talked to now, but surely she ought to find at least a heaven of +rest. You could never understand the life she's led. She hasn't +lived--she's just been dragged through the world. She was born in +a tenement-house. The little play she ever had was on sidewalks +and in the gutters; she's scarcely ever seen the country. Almost +before she knew how to play she began to work. When she was only +seventeen a coarse, bad man married her. How it ever came about +I never could understand. I don't believe he knew anything more +of love than a pig; for he lived like one and died like one, only +he didn't die soon enough. It seems horrible that I should speak +in this way of my father, and yet why should I not, when he was a +horror to me ever since I can remember? Instead of taking care of +mother, she had to take care of him. He'd take the pittance she +had wrung from the washtub for drink, and then come back to repay +her for it with blows and curses. I guess we must have lived in +fifty tenements, for we were always behind with the rent and so +had to move here and there, wherever we could get a place to put +our heads in. Queer places some of them were, I can tell you--mere +rat-holes. They served one purpose, though--they finished off the +children. To all mother's miseries and endless work was added the +anguish of child-bearing. They were miserable, puny, fretful little +imps, that were poisoned off by the bad air in which we lived, and +our bad food--that is, when we had any--after they had made all the +trouble they could. I had the care of most of them, and my life +became a burden before I was seven years old. I used to get so +tired and faint that I was half glad when they died. At last, when +mother became so used up that she really couldn't work any more, +father did for us the one good act that I know anything about--he +went off on a big spree that finished him. Mother and I have clung +together ever since. We've often been hungry, but we've never been +separated a night. What a long night is coming now, in which the +doctor says we shall be parted!" and the poor girl crouched on the +floor where her mother could not see her should she open her eyes, +and sobbed convulsively. + +Mildred did not try to comfort her with words, but only with caresses. +Christ proved centuries ago that the sympathetic touch is healing. + +"Oh, Millie, I seem to feel the gentle stroke of your hand on my +heart as well as on my brow, and it makes the pain easier to bear. +It makes me feel as if the coarse, brutal life through which I've +come did not separate me from one so good and different as you are; +for though you may be poor, you are as much of a lady as any I've +ever waited on at the store. And then to look at your father and to +think of mine. I learned to hate men even when a child, for nearly +all I ever knew either abused me or tempted me; but, Millie, you need +not fear to touch me. I never sold myself, though I've been faint +with hunger. I'm ignorant, and my heart's been full of bitterness, +but I'm an honest girl." + +"Poor, poor Clara!" said Mildred brokenly, "my heart aches for you +as I think of all you've suffered." + +The girl sprang up, seized the candle, and held it to Mildred's +face. "My God," she whispered, "you are crying over my troubles." +Then she looked steadfastly into the tearful blue eyes and beautiful +face of her new friend for a moment, and said, "Millie, I'll believe +any faith YOU'LL teach me, for _I_ BELIEVE IN YOU." + + + + +CHAPTER XIX + +BELLE JARS THE "SYSTEM" + + +Some orthodox divines would have given Clara a version of the story +of life quite different from that which she received from Mildred. +Many divines, not orthodox, would have made the divergence much +wider. The poor girl, so bruised in spirit and broken in heart, was +not ready for a system of theology or for the doctrine of evolution; +and if any one had begun to teach the inherent nobleness and +self-correcting power of humanity, she would have shown him the +door, feeble as she was. But when Mildred assured her that if Christ +were in the city, as He had been in Capernaum, He would climb the +steep, dark stairs to her attic room and say to her, "Daughter, be +of good comfort"--when she was told that Holy Writ declared that +He was the "same yesterday, to-day, and forever"--her heart became +tender and contrite, and therefore ready for a Presence that is +still "seeking that which was lost." + +Men may create philosophies, they may turn the Gospel itself into +a cold abstraction, but the practical truth remains that the Christ +who saves, comforts, and lifts the intolerable burden of sorrow or +of sin, comes now as of old--comes as a living, loving, personal +presence, human in sympathy, divine in power. As Mildred had said, +our need and our consciousness of it form our strongest claim upon +Him and the best preparation for Him. + +Clara was proving the truth of her words. Life could never be to +her again merely a bitter, sullen struggle for bread. A great hope +was dawning, and though but a few rays yet quivered through the +darkness, they were the earnest of a fuller light. + +Before midnight Mr. Jocelyn joined the watchers, and seated himself +unobtrusively in a dusky corner of the room. Clara crouched on the +floor beside her mother, her head resting on the bed, and her hand +clasping the thin fingers of the dying woman. She insisted on +doing everything the poor creature required, which was but little, +for it seemed that life would waver out almost imperceptibly. Mildred +sat at the foot of the bed, where her father could see her pure +profile in the gloom. To his opium-kindled imagination it seemed +to have a radiance of its own, and to grow more and more luminous +until, in its beauty and light, it became like the countenance +of an accusing angel; then it began to recede until it appeared +infinitely far away. "Millie," he called, in deep apprehension. + +"What is it, papa?" she asked, springing to his side and putting +her hand on his shoulder. + +"Oh!" he said, shudderingly. "I had such a bad dream! You seemed +fading away from me, till I could no longer see your face. It was +so horribly real!" + +She came and sat beside him, and held his hand in both of hers. +"That's right," he remarked; "now my dreams will be pleasant." + +"You didn't seem to be asleep, papa," said the girl, in some +surprise; "indeed, you seemed looking at me fixedly." + +"Then I must have been asleep with my eyes open," he answered with +a trace of embarrassment. + +"Poor papa, you are tired, and it's very, very kind of you to come +and stay with me, but I wasn't afraid. Clara says it's a respectable +house, and the people, though very poor, are quiet and well behaved. +Now that you have seen that we are safe, please go home and rest," +and she coaxed until he complied, more from fear that he would +betray himself than from any other motive. + +In the deep hush that falls on even a great city before the early +life of the next day begins, Mrs. Bute opened her eyes and called, +"Clara!" + +"Right here, momsy, dear, holding your hand." + +"It's strange--I can't see you--I feel so much better, too--sort +of rested. It does--seem now--as if I--might get--a little rest. +Don't wake me--child--to give me--anything--and rest yourself." + +She smiled faintly as she closed her eyes, and very soon Clara could +never wake her again. Mildred took the head of the orphan into her +lap, and the poor girl at last sobbed herself to sleep. + +We will not attempt to follow Mildred's thoughts as she tried to +keep up through the long hours. The murmured words, "I would watch +more patiently over Vinton Arnold, did not his proud mother stand +between us," suggests the character of some of them. At last, when +she was faint from weariness, she heard steps coming up the stairs, +and her mother entered, followed by Mrs. Wheaton. + +"My dear, brave child, this is too much for you. I'd rather it had +been myself a thousand times," Mrs. Jocelyn exclaimed. + +"It's all right, mamma, but the sight of you and good Mrs. Wheaton +is more welcome than I can tell you, for I was getting very lonely +and tired." + +"I'll stay now hand tend ter heverything," said Mrs. Wheaton, with +a stout, cheery kindness that could not be disguised even in her +whisper; but Clara awoke with a start and said, "What is it, momsy?" + +Then she sprang up, and after a brief glance at her mother threw +herself with a long, low cry on the lifeless form. + +"Leave hall ter me," said Mrs. Wheaton decidedly, "hand take Miss +Jocelyn 'ome, for this'll be too much for 'er." + +"Ah, mamma dear," sobbed Mildred, "my heart would be broken indeed +if that were you." + +"Millie, if you love me, come home at once," Mrs. Jocelyn urged. +It was quite light when they gained the street, and after reaching +home Mildred was given a warm cup of tea, and left to sleep until +late in the day. While she slept, however, there occurred some +rather stirring scenes. + +Belle, too, slept rather late, but a portentous gloom came into her +eyes when told that Mrs. Bute was dead. She did not say very much, +but her young face grew older and very resolute while she hastily +ate her breakfast. Then she carried something nice to Clara, and +found that Mrs. Wheaton had left, a neighbor from the tall tenement +having taken her place. + +Belle looked at the bereaved girl with half-fearful eyes as if she +expected reproaches, and when Clara kissed her in greeting she said +"Don't" so sharply as to excite surprise. + +"Belle," said Clara gently, "mother's at rest." + +"That's more than I am," muttered the girl. "Oh, Clara, I didn't +mean to bring all this trouble on you. That man just caught me in +a trap." + +"Belle, Belle! why do you blame yourself for all this? It would +have come just the same, and probably just as soon, and if it hadn't +been for you I'd been alone, with no friends and no hope." + +"Oh, don't talk to me!" Belle cried; "your mother might have been +alive if I hadn't taken your place. I want to see her." + +Clara turned back the covering, and the young girl looked at the +dead face with a stern, frowning brow. + +"Starved!" she muttered. "I understand why they all looked so black +at me now; but why couldn't some one have told me? He shall know +the truth for once; he's more to blame than I," and she abruptly +departed. + +Very little later the foreman of the shop on Sixth Avenue was +astonished to see her passing hastily toward the private office, +regardless of the looks of surprise and interest turned toward her +on every side, for the events of the night had been very generally +whispered around. + +"Mr. Schriven's engaged," he said sharply. "What do you want? Why +are you not in your place?" + +"I am in my place, but you are not. Stand aside, for I will see +Mr. Schriven at once." + +"I tell you some one is with him." + +"I don't care if the king's with him," and darting on one side she +reached the office door, and knocked so sharply that the ireful +potentate within sprang up himself to see who the inconsiderate +intruder was. + +"Oh, it's you," he said, half inclined to laugh in spite of his +anger. "I thought I said that, if I employed you, you were not to +come to my office again unless I sent for you?" + +"I'm not in your employ." + +"Indeed! How's that?" he asked very sharply. + +"That is just what I've come to explain," was the unflinching reply. + +"By-by," remarked Mr. Schriven's visitor maliciously; "I see you +are to be interviewed." + +"Very briefly, I assure you. Good-morning. Now, miss, I give you +about one minute to transact your business with me, then the cashier +will pay you for two days' work." + +"No, sir, he will not. Do you think I'd take money stained with +blood?" + +"What do you mean? What kind of a girl are you anyway?" + +"I'm an honest girl; I believe in God and the devil--I believe in +them both too well to have anything more to do with you unless you +can prove you didn't know any more than I did. You think to frighten +me with black looks, but I've just come from a greater presence +than yours--the presence of one who'll soon be your master--Death, +and death for which you are responsible." + +"Good God! what do you mean?" + +"What did you mean by turning off without a word a poor girl--one +who for years had done her best for you? What did you mean by making +a place for me in that way? Her mother died last night--starved--and +I'd have you know that I'd have starved before I'd have taken her +place had I known what I know now. Go look at your work at the top +of a tenement-house! There's more flesh on your arm than on that +dead woman's body, and the poor girl herself hadn't eaten anything +for two days when she came here last night. She'd have died, too, +if sister Millie hadn't stayed with her last night. I hope you +didn't know any more than I did. If you did you've got to settle +with God and the devil before you're through with this kind of +business." + +The man was frightened, for he had meant no deliberate cruelty. He +was only practicing the sound political economy of obtaining the +most for the least, but in the words and stern face of the child +he saw how his act must appear to a mind unwarped by interest and +unhardened by selfish years. Moreover, he could not bluster in the +presence of death, and the thought that his greed had caused it +chilled his heart with a sudden dread. He caught at the extenuation +her words suggested, and said gravely, "You are right; I did not +know. I would send food from my own table rather than any one should +go hungry. I knew nothing about this girl, and no one has told me +of her need until this moment. A man at the head of a great business +cannot look after details. The best he can do is to manage his +business on business principles. To prove that I'm sincere, I'll +take the girl back again at her old wages, although I do not need +her." + +The man lied in giving a false impression. It was true that he did +not single out individuals as objects of intentional cruelty, but +his system was hard and remorseless, and crushed like the wheels +of Juggernaut, and he purposely shut his eyes to all questions +and consequences save those of profit and loss. When compelled to +face, through Belle's eyes, an instance of the practical outcome +of his system, he shuddered and trembled, for the moment, and was +inclined to ease his conscience by a little ostentatious kindness, +especially as the facts in the case bade fair to become known. Men +who, unlike Belle, have little fear of God or the devil, do fear +public opinion. The girl interpreted him, however, after her own +warm, guileless heart, and in strong revulsion of feeling said, +tearfully, "Please forgive me, sir, for speaking as I have. I've +done you wrong, and I acknowledge it frankly, but I was almost +beside myself. We didn't either of us mean them any harm." + +The man could not repress a smile at Belle's association of herself +with him in the guilt of the affair. In fact, he rather liked the +idea, for it made his own part seem quite venial after all--an error +of ignorance like that of the child's--so he said kindly, "Indeed, +we did not, and now we'll make amends. You go and see what is needed +and let me know, and to-morrow, if you wish, you can take your own +place and not any one's else. You are a smart, good-hearted girl, +and by and by I can give you better wages." + +"I did you wrong, sir," repeated Belle remorsefully, "and now that +you will take Clara back, I'd work for you almost for nothing. +When and where shall I come?" she added humbly; "I don't wish to +seem rude any more." + +"Come to my house this evening," and he gave her his number. + +"I beg your pardon for what I said. Good-by, sir," and with tearful +eyes and downcast face she went to the street, without a glance on +either side. + +The man sat for a few moments with a heavily contracting brow. At +last he stretched out his hand and sighed, "I'd give all there is +in this store if my heart was like that girl's, but here I am at +this hour engaged in a transaction which is the devil's own bargain, +and with a firm that can't help itself because it is in my power. +Hang it all! business is business; I'll lose a cool thousand unless +I carry it through as I've begun." He seized his pen and carried +it through. + +Belle, attended by her father, was not in the least abashed by +the elegance of Mr. Schriven's parlor, as he had rather hoped she +would be, but he was much impressed by Mr. Jocelyn's fine appearance +and courtly bearing. "No wonder the girl's course has been peculiar," +he thought. "She comes from no common stock. If I've ever seen a +Southern gentleman, her father's one, and her plump little body is +full of hot Southern blood. She's a thoroughbred, and that accounts +for her smartness and fearlessness. Where other girls would whine +and toady to your face, and be sly and catlike behind your back, +she'd look you in the eyes and say all she meant point-blank. I'm +glad indeed things are taking their present course, for these people +could make any man trouble," and he treated his guests very suavely. + +Belle soon told her story in a straightforward manner. One of her +generous projects was to have a rather grand funeral, with all the +girls in the shop attending in a procession. "What a child she is!" +thought Mr. Schriven, with difficulty repressing a laugh, but he +proceeded very gravely to induce the girl to take his own practical +view. + +"In the first place, my child," he said, "that woman died of +consumption--she didn't starve at all." + +"I think she died the sooner," Belle faltered. + +"Possibly. If so, she was the sooner out of her misery. At any rate +we are not to blame, since, as you have said, we didn't know. Now +a funeral, such as you suggest, would be very costly, and would do +no one any good. It would scarcely be in good taste, for, considering +the poor woman's circumstances, it would be ostentatious." + +"Belle, Mr. Schriven is right," said her father, in a tone of quiet +authority. + +"Let us rather consider the need of the daughter," Mr. Schriven +resumed. "You say she is worn and weak from watching and work. A +quarter of the money that a funeral would cost would give her two +or three weeks in the country. And now," he concluded impressively--his +conscience needed a little soothing, and his purse was plethoric +with the thousand dollars wrung from those who had the misfortune +to be in his power--"I will pay her board at some quiet farmhouse +for three weeks, and then she'll come back fresh and strong to her +old place." + +Belle's eyes filled with tears of gladness. "You are right, sir, +and you are very kind and generous. I know just the place for her +to go--the people we've been with all summer. They are kind, and +will do everything for her, and take away her strange feeling at +once. Oh, I'm so glad it's all ending so much better than I feared! +I thought this morning I could never be happy again, but you've +made all seem so different and hopeful. I thank you, sir, over and +over, and I'll do my best now at the store, and be respectful to +every one." + +The man was touched. The warm, reflected glow of the girl's heart +softened for a moment his own icy organ, and his eyes grew moist +momentarily. "You are a good child," he said. "Here are thirty-five +dollars for your friend, for you've been a friend to her indeed. +Most girls would have let them starve for all they cared. Now send +the girl off to the country, and as soon as I can I'll raise your +wages to five dollars. I'd do it now, only the others would talk and +say it wasn't customary to pay beginners so highly. Mr. Jocelyn, +I congratulate you on the possession of such a daughter, and I +sincerely hope you may soon retrieve your fortunes and regain the +position to which I see that you both naturally belong," and he +bowed them out with a politeness and respect that were not by any +means assumed. + +Belle almost danced home by her father's side, so great was the +rebound of her depressed feelings. Thirty-five dollars! How much +that would do for poor Clara! Millie would help her make up her +mourning, and she would have nothing to pay for but the material. +She would write to Mrs. Atwood that very night, and to Roger, +telling him he must be kind to Clara, and take her out to drive. +Her heart fairly bubbled over with plans and projects for the girl +whose "place she had taken." + +The poor child had scarcely begun her letter to Mrs. Atwood before +her head drooped, and Mildred said, "Tell me what to say, Belle, +and I'll write it all. You've done you part to-day, and done it +well." + +"That's good of you, Millie. When I get sleepy it's no use to try +to do anything. I'd go to sleep if the house was on fire. But you +won't write to Roger, I'm afraid." + +"No. If he must be written to, you must do that." + +"Well, I will to-morrow. He'll do Clara more good than all the +rest." + +Our story passes hastily over the scenes that followed. A brief +service was held over Mrs. Bute's remains by a city missionary, +known to Mrs. Wheaton, who was present with Mrs. Jocelyn, Belle, +and Mildred. Three or four neighbors from the tenement lent chairs +and came in also. The girls at the ribbon counter clubbed together +and sent an anchor of white flowers, and at the hour of the funeral +they looked grave and were quiet in manner, thus taking part +in the solemnity in the only way they could. In due time the city +department upon which the duty devolved sent the "dead wagon"; the +morsel of human clay was returned to its kindred dust in "Potter's +Field," a public cemetery on Hart's Island, in which are interred +all who die in the city and whose friends are unable to pay +for a grave or a burial plot. Clara, however, had not the pain of +seeing her mother placed in the repulsive red box furnished by the +department, for Mr. Jocelyn sent a plain but tasteful coffin, with +the woman's age and name inscribed upon it. + +Mrs. Wheaton went with the girl to the grave, and then brought her +to her own little nook in the old mansion, for Clara had said she +had no relatives she knew anything about except a few on her father's +side, and she had rather go to a station-house than to them. "Don't +talk habout station 'ouses till yer can see vat I kin do for yer," +the good woman had said in her hearty way, and she did play the +good Samaritan so well, and poured the "oil and wine" of kindness +into the poor creature's wounds so effectually, that she began to +change for the better daily. + +Mildred redeemed Belle's promise, and between them all they soon +fitted Clara for her trip to the country. By the time Mrs. Atwood's +reply reached Mildred, and Roger's hearty answer came back in response +to Belle's characteristic note, she was ready to go. "There's a +man's hand for you," cried Belle exultantly as she exhibited Roger's +bold chirography. "It's a hand that can be depended upon, strong +and ready." + +Mildred smiled as she replied, "You're welcome to it, Belle." + +"You needn't smile so placidly," she retorted, with an ominous nod. +"We are not through with Roger Atwood yet." + +Perhaps quotations from two letters written by Clara to Mildred and +Belle, and received a week later, will form a satisfactory ending +to this chapter. Clara had been taught to read and write in the +public schools of the city, and but little more. In later years +she had occasionally found opportunity to attend some of the night +schools established for those whose only leisure came after the +busy day was over, and so had learned to use her pen with tolerable +correctness. In waiting upon the educated people who frequented the +shop she had caught, with the aptness of an American girl, a very +fair power of expressing herself in speech. Writing a letter, +however, was a formidable affair, in which she had scarcely any +experience. Her missives, therefore, were very simple, and somewhat +defective in outward form, but they suggested some interesting +facts. + +"DEAR MILLIE (ran the first): I'm very sad and hapy. The Countrys +like heven. All are so kind. Even the dog dosen't grole at me, and +Mr. Roger says that's queer for he groles at everybody. I feel so +much better, I don't know myself. I feel like takin depe breths +of air all the time and I never tasted such milk. Every glass puts +life in me. If I can get work up here I'll never go back to town and +stand all day again. The girls up here have a chance to live--they +haven't any chance at all in a store. The strongest will brake down +and then they are good for nothing. I wish Belle could do something +else. I wish thousands would go in the country and do work that +would make us look like Susan. Mrs. Atwood thinks she can find +me a place with kind people, where I'll be treted almost like one +of the family. Anyway I've had enough of standing and bad air and +starving and I don't see why working in a farmhouse ain't just as +ladylike as wating on folks with the floorwalker awatchin you like +a slave driver. Standing all day is deth to most girls and about +the hardest deth they can die. I feel as if I could live to be a +hundred up here. + +"Millie, dear, I read the Bible you gave me and I pray for you and +Belle every night and morning and He answers. I know it. I love +you very much and I've good reason. Good by. CLARA BUTE." + +Her letter to Belle was more descriptive of her daily life, of the +kindness she received on every hand. One brief extract from it will +suffice: + +"I've got well acquainted with Roger," she wrote. "He's easy to +get acquainted with. Now I think of it though he says little or +nothing about himself but he leads me to talk and tell about you all +in a way that surprises me. If his interest was prying I'm sure I +wouldn't have told him anything. I know well now it isn't. Does +Millie know how he feels toward her? I saw it all last night. I +was telling him about my past life and how poor and forlorn we had +been and how I had told Millie all about it and then how Millie +had just treted me as if I were as good as she was. As I talked +he became so white I thought he'd faint. Suddenly he burst out +despairingly, 'I hoped she was proud but she isn't--I could overcome +pride. But what can I do when I'm just detested? There, I've made +a fool of myself,' he said savagelike after a moment, and he hurried +away. For the last two days he's been so quiet and looked so stern +and sad that his family don't know what to make of him, but I know +what's the matter, and I feel sorry for him, for he seems to me +more like a man than any of the young fellows I've seen in town. +Don't tell Millie for I don't want to even seem to meddle." + +But Belle had no gift of reticence, and she not only showed her +sister the letter, but overwhelmed her with reproaches for her +"heartless treatment of Roger." As a natural result Mildred was +only more irritated and prejudiced against the young man than ever. + +"You are all absurdly unreasonable," she cried. "What have I ever +done to make him turn white or red, or to 'burst out despairingly,' +and all that kind of sentimental nonsense? Because he is lackadaisical +and is experiencing strange, vague emotions, must I be afflicted in +like manner? Must I break faith with one I do love and do violence +to my own feelings, just because this farmer wants me to? You know +what's the matter with him--Clara saw at a glance--and the course +I'm taking is the only way to cure him. All his talk about friendship +is transparent folly. If I took your advice it would make him only +more and more infatuated; and now I haven't it on my conscience +that I gave him one bit of encouragement. I'm sorry for him, of +course. I shall be more sorry for his mother and sister if he is +guilty of the folly of leaving home. If, instead of doing his duty +by them, he comes mooning after me here, when he knows it is of +no use, I shall lose my respect for him utterly." There seemed so +much downright common-sense in this view of the affair that even +Belle found no words in reply. Her reason took Mildred's part, but +her warm little heart led her to shake her head ominously at her +sister, and then sleepily she sought the rest her long, tiresome +day required. + + + + +CHAPTER XX + +SEVERAL QUIET FORCES AT WORK. + + +Precipitous ascents and descents do not constitute the greater part +of life's journey. In the experience of very many they occur more +or less frequently, but they conduct to long intervals where the +way is comparatively level, although it may be flinty, rough, and +hedged with thorns. More often the upward trend or the decline of +our paths is so slight as not to be noticed as we pass on, but at +the end of years we can know well whether we are gaining or losing. + +The Jocelyns, in common with thousands of others, had made a swift +descent from a position of comparative affluence to one of real, +though not repulsive, poverty. There was nothing, however, in their +fall that cast a shadow upon them in the eyes of the world except +as the unfortunate are always "under a cloud" to the common herd +that moves together in droves only where the sunlight of prosperity +fails. If Mr. Jocelyn could regain his former position, or a better +one, there had been nothing in his brief obscurity that would +prevent his wife and daughters from stepping back into their old +social place, with all its privileges and opportunities. + +The reader knows, however, that his prospects were becoming more +and more dubious--that each day added a rivet to the chain that +an evil habit was forging. His family did not even suspect this, +although the impression was growing upon them that his health was +becoming impaired. They were beginning to accommodate themselves +to life at its present level, and the sense of its strangeness +was passing slowly away. This was especially true of Belle and the +children, upon whom the past had but a comparatively slight hold. +Mildred, from her nature and tastes, felt the change more keenly +than any of the others, and she could never forget that it raised +a most formidable barrier against her dearest hopes. Mrs. Jocelyn +also suffered greatly from the privations of her present lot, +and her delicate organization was scarcely equal to the tasks and +burdens it imposed. As far as possible she sought to perform the +domestic duties that were more suited to the stout, red arms of +those accustomed to such labors. It seemed essential that Mildred +and Belle should give their strength to supplementing their father's +small income, for a time at least, though all were living in hope +that this necessity would soon pass away. The family was American, +and Southern at that, in the idea that bread-winning was not woman's +natural province, but only one of the direful penalties of extreme +poverty. The working-woman of the South belonged to a totally different +class from that in which Mr. and Mrs. Jocelyn had their origin, and +prejudices die hard, even among people who are intelligent, and, +in most respects, admirable. To Mrs. Jocelyn and her daughters work +was infinitely preferable to dependence, but it was nevertheless +menial and undignified because of its almost involuntary and hereditary +association with a race of bond-servants. He is superficial indeed +in his estimate of character who thinks that people can change +their views and feelings in response to a brief demonstration of +the essential dignity of labor, especially after generations of +accumulating pride of caste have been giving the mind a different +bent. Moreover, this family of Southern origin had not seen in +the city of New York very much confirmation of the boasted Northern +ideas of labor. Social status depended too much on the number of +servants that people kept and the style in which they lived. Poverty +had brought them a more sudden and complete loss of recognition than +would have been possible in the South--a loss which they would not +have felt so greatly had they wealthy connections in town through +whom they might have retained, in part at least, their old relations +with people of their own station. + +As it was, they found themselves almost wholly isolated. Mrs. +Jocelyn did not regret this so much for herself, since her family +was about all the society she craved; moreover in her girlhood she +had been accustomed to rather remote plantation life, with its long +intervals of absence of society. Mr. Jocelyn's business took him +out among men even more than he relished, for his secret indulgence +predisposed to solitude and quiet. He was living most of the time +in an unreal world, and inevitable contact with his actual life +and surroundings brought him increasing distress. + +With Belle and Mildred it was different. At their age society and +recreation were as essential as air and light. Many are exceedingly +uncharitable toward working-girls because they are often found +in places of resort that are, without doubt, objectionable and +dangerous. The fact is ignored that these places are sought from +a natural and entirely wholesome desire for change and enjoyment, +which are as needful to physical and moral health as sunlight to +a plant. They forget that these normal cravings of the young in +their own families find many and safe means of gratification which +are practically denied to the tenement population. If, instead of +harsh judgments, they would provide for the poor places of cheap +and innocent resort; if, instead of sighing over innate depravity, +they would expend thought and effort in bringing sunshine into +the experiences of those whose lives are deeply shadowed by the +inevitable circumstances of their lot, they would do far more to +exemplify the spirit of Him who has done so much to fill the world +with light, flowers, and music. + +Mildred began to brood and grow morbid in her monotonous work and +seclusion; and irrepressible Belle, to whom shop life was becoming +an old, weary story, was looking around for "pastures new." Her +nature was much too forceful for anything like stagnation. The +world is full of such natures, and we cannot build a dike of "thou +shalt nots" around them; for sooner or later they will overleap the +barriers, and as likely on the wrong side as on the right. Those +who would save and bless the world can accomplish far more by making +safe channels than by building embankments, since almost as many +are ruined by undue and unwise repression as by equally unwise and +idiotic indulgence. + +If Mr. Jocelyn had been himself he might have provided much innocent +and healthful recreation for his family; but usually he was so +dreamy and stupid in the evening that he was left to doze quietly +in his chair. His family ascribed his condition to weariness and +reaction from his long strain of anxiety; and opium had already +so far produced its legitimate results that he connived at their +delusion if he did not confirm it by actual assertion. It is one +of the diabolical qualities of this habit that it soon weakens and +at last destroys all truth and honor in the soul, eating them out +with a corrosive power difficult to explain. + +For the first week or two Belle was glad to rest in the evenings +from the intolerable weariness caused by standing all day, but +the adaptability of the human frame is wonderful, and many at last +become accustomed, and, in some sense, inured to that which was +torture at first. Belle was naturally strong and vigorous, and her +compact, healthful organism endured the cruel demand made upon it +far better than the majority of her companions. Nature had endowed +her with a very large appetite for fun. For a time her employment, +with its novelty, new associations, and small excitements, +furnished this, but now her duties were fading into prosaic work, +and the child was looking around for something enlivening. Where in +the great city could she find it? Before their poverty came there +were a score of pretty homes like her own in which she could visit +schoolmates; her church and Sabbath-school ties brought her into +relation with many of her own age; and either in her own home or +in those of her friends she took part in breezy little festivities +that gave full and healthful scope to her buoyant nature. She was +not over-fastidious now, but when occasionally she went home with +some of her companions at the shop, she returned dissatisfied. The +small quarters in which the girls lived rendered little confidential +chats--so dear to girls--impossible, and she was brought at once +into close contact with strange and often repulsive people. It +seemed that the street furnished the only privacy possible, except +as she brought girls to her own abode. Her mother and sister were +very considerate in this respect, and welcomed all of her acquaintances +who appeared like good, well-meaning girls; and Mildred would either +give up her share of their little room for the time, or else take +part in their talk in such a genial way as to make the visitors at +home as far as they could be with one in whom they recognized their +superior. Their light talk and shop gossip were often exceedingly +tiresome to Mildred, but she felt that Belle needed every safeguard +within their power to furnish. And this privilege of welcoming the +best companions her circumstances permitted was of great help to +Belle, and, for a time, prevented her restless spirit from longing +for something more decided in the way of amusement. Of necessity, +however, anything so quiet could not last; but where could the girl +find pleasures more highly colored? Occasionally she would coax or +scold her father into taking her out somewhere, but this occurred +less and less frequently, for she was made to feel that his health +required absolute rest when his business permitted it. If she had +had kind brothers the case would have been greatly simplified, but +thousands of working-girls have no brothers, no male companions +save those acquaintances that it is their good or, more often, their +evil fortune to make. Without a brother, a relative, or a friend +deserving the name, how is a young girl, restricted to a boarding-house +or a tenement, to find safe recreation? Where can she go for it on +the great majority of the evenings of the year? Books and papers +offer a resource to many, and Mildred availed herself of them to +her injury. After sitting still much of the day she needed greater +activity in the evening. Belle was not fond of reading, as multitudes +on the fashionable avenues are not. The well-to-do have many other +resources--what chances had she? To assert that working-girls ought +to crave profitable reading and just the proper amount of hygienic +exercise daring their leisure, and nothing more, is to be like the +engineer who said that a river ought to have been half as wide as +it was, and then he could build a bridge across it. The problem +must be solved as it exists. + +To a certain extent this need of change and cheerful recreation +is supplied in connection with some of the mission chapels, and +the effort is good and most commendable as far as it goes; but +as yet the family had formed no church relations. Mildred, Belle, +and occasionally Mrs. Jocelyn had attended Sabbath service in the +neighborhood. They shrank, however, so morbidly from recognition +that they had no acquaintances and had formed no ties. They had +a prejudice against mission chapels, and were not yet willing to +identify themselves openly with their poor neighbors. As yet they +had incurred no hostility on this account, for their kindly ways +and friendliness to poor Clara had won the goodwill and sympathy +of all in the old mansion. But the differences between the Jocelyns +and their neighbors were too great for any real assimilation, +and thus, as we have said, they were thrown mainly on their own +resources. Mrs. Wheaton was their nearest approach to a friend, and +very helpful she was to them in many ways, especially in relieving +Mrs. Jocelyn, for a very small compensation, from her heavier tasks. +The good woman, however, felt even more truly than they that they +had too little in common for intimacy. + +There is one amusement always open to working-girls if they are +at all attractive--the street flirtation. To their honor it can be +said that comparatively few of the entire number indulge in this +dangerous pastime from an improper motive, the majority meaning no +more harm or evil than their more fortunate sisters who can enjoy +the society of young men in well-appointed parlors. In most instances +this street acquaintance, although unhedged by safe restrictions, +is by no means indiscriminate. The young men are brothers or friends +of companions, or they are employed in the same establishment, +or else reside in the neighborhood, so that usually something is +known of their characters and antecedents, and the desire to become +friendly is similar to that influencing the young people of country +neighborhoods. As a rule these young people have few opportunities +of meeting save in the streets and places of public resort. The +conditions of life in a great city, however, differ too widely from +those of a village or country town, where every one is well known +and public opinion is quick and powerful in its restraints. Social +circles are too loosely organized in a city; their members from +necessity are generally to little known to each other; there are +too many of both sexes ready to take advantage of the innocent and +unwary, and their opportunities of escape from all penalty invite +the crimes suggested by their evil natures. Belle had been often +warned, and she had so much affection for her mother and so much +pride that she did not fall readily into indiscretions; nor would +she in the future respond, without considerable self-restraint, +to the frequent advances which she never failed to recognize, +however distant she might appear, and she would not have possessed +a woman's nature had she been indifferent to admiring glances and +the overtures of those who would gladly form her acquaintance. Still +it must be admitted that her good resolutions were fast weakening +in this direction. + +Mildred's dangers were quite different from those which assailed +Belle, and yet they were very grave ones. Her mind and heart were +preoccupied. She was protected from even the desire of perilous +associations and pleasures by the delicacy and refinement of her +nature and her Christian principle. She shrank from social contact +with the ruder world by which she was now surrounded; she felt and +lived like one in exile, and her hope was to return to her native +land. In the meantime she was growing pale, languid, morbid, and, +occasionally, even irritable, from the lack of proper exercise and +change. She was not discouraged as yet, but the day of deliverance +seemed to grow more distant. Her father apparently was declining in +energy and health, and his income was very small. She worked long +hours over her fancy work, but the prices paid for it at the shops +were so small that she felt with a growing despondency it was but +a precarious means of support. Their first month in the old mansion +was drawing to a close, and they had been compelled to draw slightly +on the small sum of ready money still remaining after paying for +their summer's board. They still had a few articles in storage, +having retained them in hope of moving, at no distant time, into +more commodious quarters. + +In their desire for economy they also fell into the very common +error of buying salt fish and meat, and other articles of food that +were cheap and easily prepared rather than nutritious, and Belle +was inclined to make her lunch on pastry and cake instead of food. +In teaching them a better way Mrs. Wheaton proved herself a very +useful friend. "Vat yer vant is sumthink that makes blood an' +stands by von," she had said; "an' this 'ere salt, dry stuff an' +light baker's bread and tea and coffee don't do this hat hall. +They's good henough as relishes an' trimmins an' roundins hoff, but +they hain't got the nourishin' in 'em that vorking people vants. +Buy hoat meal an' corn meal--make good bread of yer hown. Buy +good but cheap chunks of beef an' mutton an' wegetables, an' make +stews an' meat pies an' rich soups, an' say yer prayers hagainst +hall trashy things as hain't vorth the trouble of heatin'. Heggs, +too, ven ther're plenty, hare fust-rate, an' milk is better than +so much tea an' coffee, heven if the milkman do spill it in the +brook an' pick it hout hagain before we get it. Vorkin' hon tea +an' coffee is like keepin' the 'orse hagoin' on a vip hinstead of +hoats." + +Mrs. Jocelyn and Mildred were sensible enough to take her advice, +and although Belle complained at first over the more simple and +wholesome diet, she soon felt so much the better for it that she +made no further trouble. + +As had been the case at the farmhouse, Mildred at last awakened +to the evils of a depressed and sedentary life, and felt that she +must look around for objects of interest. She began to spend more +time with Mrs. Wheaton, and found considerable amusement in her +homely common-sense. The good woman was all the more companionable +for the reason that she never presumed on a coarse familiarity +or indulged in a prying interest. Mildred also aided the Wheaton +children in their lessons, and gave more time to her own little +brother and sister, taking them out to walk in the cool of the day, +and giving much thought, while she plied her needle, to various +little expedients that would keep them content to remain away from +the street and the rude children that often made the old house +resound with boisterous sport. Mrs. Wheaton's children were in +the main well behaved, and there was much visiting back and forth +among the little people of the two families, but here the line was +drawn, and generally with very good reason. After all, perhaps, +the chief horror of tenement life to a family like the Jocelyns +consisted in the fact that just outside their door were hordes of +prowling little savages ignorant in the main of civilization, but +prematurely enlightened as to its vices. To prevent the inevitable +contamination which would result from indiscriminate association, +and to interest Fred and Minnie in their daily lessons, was +the constant effort of both Mildred and Mrs. Jocelyn. And yet, as +at the farmhouse, Mildred's conscience began to reproach her for +keeping too much aloof from the people who dwelt with her in the +old mansion. It was not necessary to make companions of them in +order to do them some good, and in aiding them to bear their burdens +she might in part forget her own. Mrs. Wheaton's hearty kindness +permeated the house like an atmosphere, and from her Mildred learned +the character and circumstances of each family quite correctly. "I +can get hon with 'em hall hexcept a hold daft German on the top +floor, oos a bit crazy hover the 'evens, but don't stand much chance +of hever gettin' hup hinto 'em. You've hoften seen 'im a-lookin' +at the stars an' things on the roof. 'E 'alf starves 'is family to +buy books an' maps an' a telescope. 'E 'ates me cos I tried to talk +religion to 'im vonce ven 'e vas sick, an' cos I told 'im 'e 'ad +no bizness to take his death a'cold on the roof o' vinter nights; +an 'ven 'e vonce gets a grudge hagainst yer 'e never lets hup." + +Mildred had already become more interested in this old man than in +any other of her neighbors except Mrs. Wheaton, but had found him +utterly unapproachable. Not infrequently she spent part of the +hot evenings on the platform built over the old hip-roof, and had +invariably seen him there on cloudless nights studying the skies +with a telescope that appeared to be by no means a toy instrument; +but he always took possession of the far end of the platform, and +was so savage when any one approached thyt even Belle was afraid of +him. His wife, for a wonder, was a slattern German, and she spoke +English very imperfectly. With her several small children she lived +in a chaotic way, keeping up a perpetual whining and fault-fnding, +half under her breath from fear of her irascible husband, that was +like a "continual dropping on a very rainy day." Every now and then, +Mrs. Wheaton said, he would suddenly emerge from his abstraction +and break out against her in a volley of harsh, guttural German +oaths that were "henough to make von's 'air riz." Therefore it very +naturally happened that Mildred had become acquainted with all the +other families before she had even spoken to Mr. or Mrs. Ulph. On +the other inmates of the mansion her influence soon began to be +felt; for almost unconsciously she exercised her rare and subtle +power of introducing a finer element into the lives of those who +were growing sordid and material. She had presented several families +with a small house-plant, and suggested that they try to develop +slips from others that she sedulously tended in her own window. In +two or three instances she aided untidy and discouraged women to +make their rooms more attractive. The fact, also, that the Jocelyns +had made their two apartments, that were little if any better than +the others, so very inviting had much weight, and there sprang up +quite an emulation among some of the simple folk in making the most +of their limited resources. + +"Instead of scolding your husbands for going out and perhaps taking +a glass too much, try and keep them home by making the living-room +homelike," she had said on several occasions to complaining wives +who had paved the way by their confidential murmurings. "Have some +extra dish that they like for supper--they will spend more if they +go out--then be a little smiling and chatty, and tell them to light +their pipes and stay with you, for you are a bit lonesome. If they +will have their mug of beer, coax them to take it here at home. Try +to put a few shillings in the savings bank every week, and talk +over little plans of saving more. If you can only make your husbands +feel that they are getting ahead a little, it will have a great +influence in steadying them and keeping them out of bad company." + +Mildred had a genius for everything relating to domestic life, and +an almost unbounded belief in good home influences. Although she +rarely talked religion directly to the people whom she was trying +to benefit--she was much too diffident and self-depreciative +for this--her regular attendance at some place of worship on the +Sabbath and her course toward poor Mrs. Bute and her daughter had +given the impression that she was a very religious girl, and that +her motives were Christian in character. People's instincts are +quick in discerning the hidden springs of action; and her influence +was all the more effective because she gave them the fruits of +faith rather than stems of exhortation or which they were required +to develop fruit of their own. Much good fruit was eventually +produced, but more through her example, her spring-like influence, +than from any formal instruction. + + + + +CHAPTER XXI + +"HE'S A MAN" + + +Mrs. Wheaton, although she had the good taste to ask few questions, +was much puzzled over the Jocelyns. Mr. Jocelyn's state of health +seemed to her very peculiar, and her shrewd, unprejudiced mind was +approaching Roger's conclusion, that he was a little "off." With an +insight common to sound, thrifty people, she saw that the outlook +for this family was dubious. She believed that the father would +become less and less of a reliance, that Mrs. Jocelyn was too +delicate to cope with a lower and grimmer phase of poverty, which +she feared they could not escape. When alone she often shook her +head in foreboding over Belle's brilliant black eyes, being aware +from long experience among the poor how dangerous are such attractions, +especially when possessed by an impulsive and unbalanced child. She +even sighed more deeply and often over Mildred, for she knew well +that more truly than any of the house-plants in the window the +young girl who cared for them was an exotic that might fade and +die in the changed and unfavorable conditions of her present and +prospective life. The little children, too, were losing the brown +and ruddy hues they had acquired on the Atwood farm, and very +naturally chafed over their many and unwonted restrictions. + +Nor did the city missionary whom she had called in to attend Mrs. +Bute's funeral illumine the Jocelyn problem for the good woman. +He was an excellent man, but lamentably deficient in tact, being +prone to exhort on the subject of religion in season, and especially +out of season, and in much the same way on all occasions. Since +the funeral he had called two or three times, and had mildly and +rather vaguely harangued Mrs. Jocelyn and Mildred. Instead of +echoing his pious platitudes with murmurs of assent and approval, +they had been very polite, and also very reticent and distant; and +Mr. Woolling--that was his name--had said in confidence to Mrs. +Wheaton that "they might be good people, but he fearing they were +not yet altogether 'in the light.' They seemed a little cold toward +the good cause, and were not inclined to talk freely of their +spiritual experiences and relations. Probably it was because they +were not altogether orthodox in their views." + +It would seem that this worthy person had taken literally the promise +of his Master, "I will make you fishers of men." for he was quite +content to be a fisher. Let us hope that occasionally, as by a +miracle, his lenient Master enabled him to catch some well-disposed +sinner; but as a rule his mannerism, his set phrases, his utter lack +of magnetism and appreciation of the various shades of character +with which he was dealing, repelled even those who respected his +motive and mission. Sensitive, sad-hearted women like Mrs. Jocelyn +and Mildred could no more open their hearts to him than to a +benevolent and impersonal board of trustees sitting around a green +baize table. That detestable class, however, who thrive on opening +their hearts and dilating on their spiritual experiences, could +talk to him, as he would say, in a "most edifying and godly manner," +and through him, in consequence, reap all the pecuniary advantages +within his power to bestow. + +It is not the blatant and plausible poor who suffer, but those +who hide their poverty and will starve rather than trade on their +faith; and too often Christian and charitable organizations prove +they are not the "children of this world" by employing agents so +lacking in fitness for the work that a commercial firm, following +a like policy, would soon compass its own failure. The Church deserves +slight progress if it fails to send its best and most gifted men +and women among the poor and vicious. Mr. Woolling was a sincere +well-meaning man, but he no more knew how to catch men with a +Christ-like magnetism and guile than how to render one of Beethoven's +symphonies; and he was so constituted that he could never learn. +It was an open question whether he did not do more harm than good; +and those who employed him might and ought to have known the fact. + +Fortunately for the Jocelyns, there were other workers in that part +of the vineyard, and Mrs. Wheaton had said to herself more than +once, "Ven my young lady comes 'ome she'll git 'old of these 'ere +people and make things better for 'em." One day, about the middle +of September, there was a light knock at the door of the large +living-room that had been made so inviting. Mildred opened it +and admitted a young woman, who appeared not very much older than +herself, and who she saw at a glance was of her own class in respect +to refinement and cultivation. Although entire strangers, the eyes +of the two girls met in woman's intuitive recognition. + +"This is Miss Jocelyn, I think," said the visitor in an accent that +to the poor girl sounded like her native tongue, so long unheard. + +"You are correct," replied Mildred, with exploring eyes and a quiet +and distant manner. "Will you please be seated," she added after +a moment, as the young lady evidently wished to enter. + +It was in the afternoon, and the room had its usual pretty order +at that hour. Fred and Minnie were seated by Mrs. Jocelyn, who +was giving them their daily lesson from an illustrated primer; and +they, with their mother, turned questioning eyes on the unexpected +guest, who won their good-will almost instantly by a sunshiny +smile. Then turning to Mildred she began, with a quiet, well-bred +ease which made her visit seem perfectly natural, "We are now +strangers, but I trust we shall not remain such very long. Indeed, +I am already sure that you can help me very much." (This asking +help instead of offering it was certainly adroit policy.) "I am a +Christian worker in this district. My name is Alice Wetheridge. I +am well acquainted with Mrs. Wheaton, and the little she has told +me about you has made me wish to know you well; and I trust you will +meet me with the spirit in which I come--that of honest friendliness +and respect. I shall be just as frank with you as you wish, and I +know you have just as much right to your feelings and views as I +have to mine. It is our plan of work to co-work cordially, asking +each one to choose her own place and kind of effort. I have been +around among some of my families in this house, and, if you will +permit me to say it, I have seen your influence, and I think it is +most Christian and womanly. You can scarcely blame me, then, if I +hope to find in you a congenial fellow-worker." + +These remarks contained no hint of poverty or inferiority, and might +have been made to Mildred in her old home. The sweet, low voice in +which they were spoken was soothing and winning, while her visitor's +gaze was direct and sincere. Mildred smiled with a little answering +friendliness as she said, "Please do not expect much from me. I +fear I shall disappoint you." + +"I shall not expect anything more than your own feelings prompt and +your own conscience can warrant. I and some friends have classes +at a mission chapel not far from here, and all I ask at first is +that you and Mrs. Jocelyn attend service at the chapel and see how +you like us and how you like our minister." + +"Is--is his name Mr. Woolling?" faltered Mildred. + +A slight, evanescent smile flitted across the visitor's face. "No," +she said, "that is not his name. Our minister has just returned +from Europe, where he has taken a well-deserved vacation. I, too, +have only come in town within the last few days, otherwise I do +not think you would have escaped us so long," she concluded, with +a bright smile, but after a moment she added earnestly, "Please do +not think that we shall try to force upon you associations that may +not be pleasant. We only ask that you come and judge for yourselves." + +"What you ask is certainly reasonable," said Mildred thoughtfully, +and with an inquiring glance at her mother. + +"I agree with you, Millie," her mother added with gentle emphasis, +for she had been observing their visitor closely; "and I think we +both appreciate Miss Wetheridge's motive in calling upon us, and +can respond in like spirit." + +"I thank you," was the cordial reply. "On this card is written my +address and where to find our chapel, the hours of service, etc. +Please ask for me next Sabbath afternoon, and I will sit you, so +you won't feel strange, you know. After the service is over we will +remain a few moments, and I will introduce you to our minister. +As I said at first, if you don't like us or our ways you must not +feel in the least trammelled. However that may be, I trust you will +let me come and see you sometimes. It was my duty to call upon you +because you were in my district; but now it will be a pleasure to +which I hope you will let me look forward." + +"You will be welcome," said Mildred smilingly. "I can at least +promise so much." + +Miss Wetheridge had slipped off her glove while talking, and in +parting she gave a warm, friendly palm to those she wished to win. +She had intended only a smiling leave-taking of the children, but +they looked so pretty, and were regarding her with such an expression +of shy, pleased interest, that she acted on her impulse and kissed +them both. "I don't often meet such kissable children," she said, +with a bright flush, "and I couldn't resist the temptation." + +The room seemed lighter the rest of the day for her visit. If she +had kissed the children out of policy Mrs. Jocelyn would have been +resentfully aware of the fact; but they were "kissable" children, +and no one knew it better than the fond mother, who was won completely +by the spontaneity of the act. + +"Millie, I think I'd go to her church, even if Mr. Woolling were +the minister," she said, with her sweet laugh. + +"Soft-hearted little mother!" cried Mildred gayly; "if people only +knew it, you have one very vulnerable side. That was a master-stroke +on the part of Miss Wetheridge." + +"She didn't mean it as such, and if some good people had kissed +the children I'd have washed their faces as soon as they had gone. +The visit has done YOU good, too, Millie." + +"Well, I admit it has. It was nice to see and hear one of our own +people, and to feel that we were not separated by an impassable +gulf. To tell the truth, I feel the need of something outside of +this old house. I am beginning to mope and brood. I fear it will +be some time before the way opens back to our former life, and one +grows sickly if one lives too long in the shade. I COULD work with +such a girl as that, for she wouldn't humiliate me. See, her card +shows that she lives on Fifth Avenue. If SHE can work in a mission +chapel, I can, especially since she is willing to touch me with +her glove off," she concluded, with a significant smile. + +As the evening grew shadowy Mildred took the children out for their +walk, and, prompted by considerable curiosity, she led the way to +Fifth Avenue, and passed the door on which was inscribed the number +printed on Miss Wetheridge's card. The mansion was as stately and +gave as much evidence of wealth as Mrs. Arnold's home. At this +moment a handsome carriage drew up to the sidewalk, and Mildred, +turning, blushed vividly as she met the eyes of her new acquaintance, +who, accompanied by a fashionably-attired young man, had evidently +been out to drive. Mildred felt that she had no right to claim +recognition, for a young woman making mission calls in her "district" +and the same young lady on Fifth Avenue with her finance, very +probably, might be, and often are, two very distinct persons. The +girl was about to pass on with downcast eyes and a hot face, feeling +that her curiosity had been well punished. But she had not taken +three steps before a pleasant voice said at her side, "Miss Jocelyn, +what have I done that you won't speak to me? This is my home, and +I hope you will come and see me some time." + +Mildred looked at the speaker searchingly for a moment, and then +said, in a low tone and with tearful eyes, "May you never exchange +a home like this, Miss Wetheridge, for one like mine." + +"Should it be my fortune to do so--and why may it not?--I hope I +may accept of my lot with your courage, Miss Jocelyn, and give to +my humbler home the same impress of womanly refinement that you +have imparted to yours. Believe me, I respected you and your mother +thoroughly the moment I crossed your threshold." + +"I will do whatever you wish me to do," was her relevant, although +seemingly irrelevant, reply. + +"That's a very big promise," said Miss Wetheridge vivaciously; "we +will shake hands to bind the compact," and her attendant raised +his hat as politely as he would to any of his companion's friends. + +Mildred went home with the feeling that the leaden monotony of +her life was broken. The hand of genuine Christian sympathy, not +charity or patronage, had been reached across the chasm of her +poverty, and by it she justly hoped that she might be led into +new relations that would bring light and color into her shadowed +experience. + +With her mother and Belle she went to the chapel on the following +Sunday afternoon, and found her new friend on the watch for them. +The building was plain but substantial, and the audience-room large +and cheerful looking. Mr. Woolling was, in truth, not the type of +the tall, rugged-featured man who sat on the platform pulpit, and +Mildred, at first, was not prepossessed in his favor, but as he +rose and began to speak she felt the magnetism of a large heart +and brain; and when he began to preach she found herself yielding +to the power of manly Christian thought, expressed in honest Saxon +words devoid of any trace of affectation, scholasticism, and set +phraseology. He spoke as any sensible, practical man would speak +concerning a subject in which he believed thoroughly and was +deeply interested, and he never once gave the impression that he +was "delivering a sermon" which was foreordained to be delivered at +that hour. It was a message rather than a sermon, a sincere effort +to make the people understand just what God wished them to know +concerning the truth under consideration, and especially what they +were to do in view of it. The young girl soon reached the conclusion +that the religion taught in this chapel was not something fashioned +to suit the world, but a controlling principle that brought the +rich and poor together in their obedience to Him whose perfect +life will ever be the law of the Christian Church. The attention +of even mercurial Belle was obtained and held, and at the close of +the address she whispered, "Millie, that man talks right to one, +and not fifty miles over your head. I'll come here every Sunday if +you will." + +After the benediction the Rev. Mr. Wentworth came down from the +pulpit--not in a bustling, favor-currying style, but with a grave, +kindly manner--to speak to those who wished to see him. When he at +last reached Mildred, she felt him looking at her in a way that +proved he was not scattering his friendly words as a handful of coin +is thrown promiscuously to the poor. He was giving thought to her +character and need; he was exercising his invaluable but lamentably +rare gift of tact in judging how he should address these "new +people" of whom Miss Wetheridge had spoken. His words were few and +simple, but he made Mrs. Jocelyn and Mildred feel that his interest +in them was not official, but genuine, Christian, and appreciative. +Belle very naturally shrank into the background. Her acquaintance +with clergymen was not extensive, nor would it, I fear, ever have +been increased by any efforts of her own; therefore it was with some +trepidation that she saw Mr. Wentworth giving her an occasional +side glance while talking to her mother. She was about to bow very +formally when introduced, but a smile broke over the man's rugged +features like a glow of sunshine, as he held out his hand and said, +"Miss Belle, I know you and I would be good friends if we had a +chance." + +The girl's impulsive nature responded as if touched by an electric +spark, and with her usual directness the words in her mind were +spoken. "I like you already," she said. + +"The liking is mutual then," was Mr. Wentworth's laughing reply; +"I'm coming to see you." + +"But, sir," stammered the honest child, "I'm not good like my +sister." + +The clergyman now laughed heartily. "All the more reason I should +come," he said. + +"Well, then, please come in the evening, for I wouldn't miss your +visit for the world." + +"I certainly shall," and he named an evening early in the week; "and +now," he resumed, "my friend Miss Wetheridge here has informed me +of the conditions on which you have visited our chapel. We propose +to carry them out in good faith, and not put any constraint upon +you beyond a cordial invitation to cast your lot with us. It's a +great thing to have a church home. You need not feel that you must +decide at once, but come again and again, and perhaps by and by +you will have a home feeling here." + +"I'm coming whether the rest do or not," Belle remarked emphatically, +and Mr. Wentworth gave her a humorous look which completed the +conquest of her heart. + +"Miss Wetheridge knows that my decision was already made," said +Mildred quietly, with an intelligent glance toward her friend; "and +if there is any very, very simple work that I can do, I shall feel +it a privilege to do the best I can." + +She never forgot his responsive look of honest friendliness as he +answered, "The simplest work you do in that spirit will be blessed. +Miss Wetheridge, I hope you will soon find some more people like +Mrs. Jocelyn and her daughters. Good-by now for a short time," +and a moment later Mildred saw him talking just as kindly, but +differently, to a very shabby-looking man. + +Mr. Wentworth was also a "fisher of men," but he fished intelligently, +and caught them. + +Belle could hardly wait until she was in the street before exclaiming, +"He isn't a bit like our old minister. Why--why--he's a man." + + + + +CHAPTER XXII + +SKILLED LABOR + + +Miss Wetheridge's visit bade fair to occasion important changes +for the better in Mildred's prospects. From Mrs. Wheaton the young +lady had learned of her protegee's long hours of ill-repaid toil. +She was eager to gain Mildred's confidence to an extent that would +warrant some good advice, and after another call early in the week +she induced the girl to come and see her and to open her heart +fully in the privacy thus secured. Of course there was one secret +jealously guarded, and the reader can well understand that Vinton +Arnold's name was not mentioned, and the disagreeable episode of +Roger Atwood was not deemed worth speaking of. He was now but a +fast-fading memory, for even Belle rarely recalled him. + +That the Jocelyns did not belong to the ordinary ranks of the poor, +and that Mildred was not a commonplace girl, was apparent to Miss +Wetheridge from the first; and it was her design to persuade her +friend to abandon the overcrowded and ill-paid divisions of labor +for something more in accordance with her cultivation and ability. +Mildred soon proved that her education was too general and superficial +to admit of teaching except in the primary departments, and as +the schools were now in session it might be many months before any +opening would occur. With a mingled sigh and laugh she said, "The +one thing I know how to do I shall probably never do--I could make +a home, and I could be perfectly happy in taking care of it." + +"Pardon me!" cried Miss Wetheridge roguishly, "that seems to me your +inevitable fate, sooner or later. We are only counselling together +how best to fill up the interval. My friend almost made me jealous +by the way he talked about you the other evening." + +A faint color stole into Mildred's face. "All that's past, I fear," +she said with low, sad emphasis, "and I would never marry merely +for the sake of a home. My future is that of a working-woman unless +papa can regain his former means. Even then I should not like to +live an idle life. So the question is, What kind of work shall I +do? How can I do the most for the family, for I am troubled about +papa's health, and mamma is not strong." + +Her warm-hearted friend's eyes grew moist as she looked intently +and understandingly into the clouded and beautiful face. In one of +her pretty impulses that often broke through her polite restraint +she exclaimed, "Millie, you are a true woman. Please pardon my +familiarity, but I can't tell you how much you interest me, how I +respect you, and--and--how much I like you." + +"Nor can I tell you," responded Mildred earnestly, "how much hope +and comfort you have already brought me." + +"Come," said Miss Wetheridge cheerily, "we will go down to the +rooms of the Young Women's Christian Association at once. We may +get light there. The thing for you to do is to master thoroughly +one or more of the higher forms of labor that are as yet uncrowded. +That is what I would do." + +While she was preparing for the street she observed Mildred's +eyes resting wistfully on an upright piano that formed part of the +beautiful furniture of her private sanctum. "You are recognizing +an old friend and would like to renew your acquaintance," she said +smilingly. "Won't you play while I am changing my dress?" + +"Perhaps I can best thank you in that way," answered Mildred, +availing herself of the permission with a pleasure she could not +disguise. "I admit that the loss of my piano has been one of my +greatest deprivations." + +Miss Wetheridge's sleeping-apartment opened into her sitting-room, +and, with the door open, it was the same as if they were still +together. The promise of thanks was well kept as the exquisite +notes of Mendelssohn's "Hope" and "Consolation" filled the rooms +with music that is as simple and enduring as the genuine feeling +of a good heart. + +"I now understand how truly you lost a friend and companion in your +piano," said Miss Wetheridge, "and I want you to come over here +and play whenever you feel like it, whether I am at home or not." + +Mildred smiled, but made no reply. She could accept kindness and +help from one who gave them as did Miss Wetheridge, but she was +too proud and sensitive to enter upon an intimacy that must of +necessity be so one-sided in its favors and advantages, and she +instinctively felt that such wide differences in condition would +lead to mutual embarrassments that her enthusiastic friend could +not foresee. It was becoming her fixed resolve to accept her lot, +with all that it involved, and no amount of encouragement could +induce her to renew associations that could be enjoyed now only +through a certain phase of charity, however the fact might be +disguised. But she would rather reveal her purpose by the retiring +and even tenor of her way than by any explanations of her feelings. +Thus it came about in the future that Miss Wetheridge made three +calls, at least, to one that she received, and that in spite of +all she could do Mildred shrank from often meeting other members of +her family. But this sturdy self-respect on the part of the young +girl--this resolute purpose not to enter a social circle where she +would at least fear patronage and surprise at her presence--increased +her friend's respect in the secrecy of her heart. + +Mildred at once became a member of the Young Women's Association, +and its library and reading-room promised to become a continued +means of pleasure and help. From among the several phases of skilled +labor taught under the auspices of the Association, she decided to +choose the highest--that of stenography--if her father thought he +could support the family without much help for a few months. She +was already very rapid and correct in her penmanship, and if she +could become expert in taking shorthand notes she was assured that +she could find abundant and highly remunerative scope for her skill, +and under circumstances, too, that would not involve unpleasant +publicity. She thought very favorably, also, of the suggestion +that she should join the bookkeeping class. With her fine mental +capacity and previous education Miss Wetheridge believed that +Mildred could so far master these two arts as to be sure of an +independence, and her kind friend proposed to use no little influence +in finding opportunities for their exercise. + +Mildred, naturally, lost no time in explaining her projects to her +father, and it so happened that she spoke at a moment of peculiar +exhilaration on his part. "If it would give you pleasure," he said, +"to learn these two accomplishments, you may do so, of course, but +I foresee no probability of your ever putting them to use. I now +have prospects," etc., etc. Soon after, he was in a deep sleep. +She looked at him with troubled eyes, and promptly entered on her +studies the following day, working with the assiduity of one who +feels that the knowledge may be needed before it can be acquired. + +Belle was in quite a flutter of excitement on the evening named for +Mr. Wentworth's visit, and the genial clergyman would have laughed +again could he have heard one of her reasons for welcoming him. +"He is so deliciously homely," she said, "I like to look at him." +He came at the hour appointed, and his visit was truly a "spiritual" +one, if enlivened spirits, more hopeful hearts, and a richer +belief in their Divine Father's goodwill toward them all were the +legitimate result of a spiritual visit. Mr. Jocelyn, in expectancy +of the guest, had carefully prepared himself in guilty secrecy, and +appeared unusually well, but he was the only one who sighed deeply +after the good man's departure. Rising from the depths of his +soul through his false exhilaration was a low, threatening voice, +saying, "That man is true; you are a sham, and your hollowness will +become known." + +Indeed, Mr. Wentworth went away with a vague impression that there +was something unreal or unsound about Mr. Jocelyn, and he began +to share Mrs. Wheaton's painful forebodings for the family. Belle +enjoyed the visit greatly, for the minister was an apostle of a +very sunny gospel, and she was then ready for no other. Moreover, +the healthful, unwarped man delighted in the girl's frolicsome +youth, and no more tried to repress her vivacity than he would the +bubble and sparkle of a spring. Indeed he was sensible enough to +know that, as the spring keeps pure by flowing and sparkling into +the light, so her nature would stand a far better chance of remaining +untainted if given abundant yet innocent scope. His genial words +had weight with her, but her quick intuition of his sympathy, +his sense of humor, which was as genuine as her own, had far more +weight, and their eyes rarely met without responsive smiles. There +was nothing trivial, however, in their interplay of mirthfulness--nothing +that would prevent the child from coming to him should her heart +become burdened with sin or sorrow. She was assigned to Miss +Wetheridge's class, and soon became warmly attached to her teacher. +Mildred, to her great surprise, was asked to take a class of +rude-looking, half-grown boys. In answer to her look of dismay, +Mr. Wentworth only said smilingly, "Try it; trust my judgment; you +can do more with those boys than I can." + +"Were it not for my promise to Miss Wetheridge, I shouldn't even +dare think of such a thing," she replied; "but I now feel bound to +attempt it, although I hope you will soon give me some very, very +little girls." + +"In complying you show a high sense of honor, Miss Jocelyn. I +will relieve you after a time, if you wish me to," and the student +of human nature walked away with a peculiar smile. "When I was +a harum-scarum boy," he muttered, "a girl with such a face could +almost make me worship her. I don't believe boys have changed." + +She was shrewd enough not to let the class see that she was afraid; +and being only boys, they saw merely what was apparent--that they +had the prettiest teacher in the room. Her beauty and refinement +impressed them vaguely, yet powerfully; the incipient man within +them yielded its involuntary homage, and she appealed to their +masculine traits as only a woman of tact can, making them feel that +it would be not only wrong but ungallant and unmannerly to take +advantage of her. They all speedily succumbed except one, whose +rude home associations and incorrigible disposition rendered futile +her appeals. After two or three Sabbaths the other boys became so +incensed that he should disgrace the class that after school they +lured him into an alleyway and were administering a well-deserved +castigation, when Mildred, who was passing, rescued him. His fear +induced him to yield to her invitation to accompany her home; and +her kindness, to which he knew he was not entitled, combined with +the wholesome effect of the pummelling received from the boys, led +him to unite in making the class--once known as "the Incorrigibles"--the +best behaved in the school. + +Everything apparently now promised well for the Jocelyns. Their +mistaken policy of seclusion and shrinking from contact with the +world during their impoverishment had given way to kindly Christian +influences, and they were forming the best associations their lot +permitted. All might have gone to their ultimate advantage had it +not been for the hidden element of weakness so well known to the +reader, but as yet unsuspected by the family. + +If Mr. Jocelyn had been able to put forth the efforts of a sound +and rational man, he could, with the aid of his daughters, even in +those times of depression, have passed safely through the trials +of sudden poverty, and eventually--having learned wisdom from the +past experience--he could have regained a better and more stable +financial position than the one lost. Thus far he had been able to +maintain considerable self-control, and by daily experience knew +just about how much morphia he could take without betraying himself. +His family had become accustomed to its effects, and ascribed them +to the peculiar state of his health. Loving eyes are often the most +blind, and that which is seen daily ceases to seem strange. Beyond +their natural solicitude over his failing appetite, his unwholesome +complexion, and his loss of flesh, they had no misgivings. His +decline was so very gradual that there was nothing to startle them. +Every day they hoped to see a change for the better, and sought +to bring it about by preparing such dainty dishes as were within +their means to catch his capricious appetite, and by keeping all +their little perplexities and worriments to themselves, so that +he might have unbroken rest when free from business. He recognized +their unselfish and considerate devotion, and it added to the +horrible depression into which he sank more and more deeply the +moment he passed from under the influence of the fatal drug. He +was living over an abyss, and that which kept him from its depths +was deepening and widening it daily. He still had the vague hope +that at some time and in some way he could escape; but days and +weeks were passing, bringing no change for the better, no honest, +patient effort to regain the solid ground of safety. He was drifting +down, and when at times he became conscious of the truth, a larger +dose of morphia was his one method of benumbing the terror that +seemed groping for his heart with a death-cold hand. + +Mildred soon began to make rapid progress in her studies, and grew +hopeful over the fact. If her father would give her the chance +she could make a place for herself among skilled workers within a +year, and be able, if there were need, to provide for the entire +family. Great and prolonged destitution rarely occurs, even in +a crowded city, unless there is much sickness or some destructive +vice. Wise economy, patient and well-directed effort, as a rule, +secure comfort and independence, if not affluence; but continued +illness, disaster, and especially sin, often bring with them a +train of evils difficult to describe. + +Mildred found time between her lessons to aid her mother and also +to do a little fancy work, for which, through the aid of Miss +Wetheridge, she found private customers who were willing to pay +its worth. + +Thus the month of October was passing rapidly and rather hopefully +away. They received letters from Clara Bute occasionally, wherein +she expressed herself well content with the country and the situation +Mrs. Atwood had obtained for her. "I'm getting as plump and rosy +as Susan," she wrote, "and I'm not coming back to town. Going +up and down those tenement stairs tired me more than all the work +I do here. Still, I work hard, I can tell you; but it's all sorts +of work, with plenty of good air and good food to do it on. I'm +treated better than I ever was before--just like one of the family, +and there's a young farmer who takes me out to ride sometimes, and +he acts and talks like a man." + +Whether this attentive friend were Roger or a new acquaintance she +did not say. For some reason a reticence in regard to the former +characterized her letters. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIII + +THE OLD ASTRONOMER + + +One Saturday night Mildred was awakened from time to time by the +wailing of a child. The sounds came from the rooms of the Ulphs, +which were directly overhead, and by morning she was convinced that +there was a case of serious illness in the German family. Led by +her sympathies, and also by the hope of thawing the reserve of the +eccentric old astronomer, she resolved to go and ask if she could +be of any help. + +In response to her light knock a shock-headed, unkempt boy opened +the door and revealed a state of chaos that might well have driven +mad any student of the heavenly bodies with their orderly ways. +There seemed to be one place for everything--the middle of the +floor--and about everything was in this one place. In the midst +of a desolation anything but picturesque, Mrs. Ulph sat before the +fire with a little moaning baby upon her lap. + +"I heard your child crying in the night," said Mildred gently, "and +as we are neighbors I thought I would come up and see if I could +help you." + +The woman stared a moment and then asked, "You Miss Schoslin?" + +"Yes, and I hope you will let me do something, for I fear you've +been up all night and must be very tired." + +"I'm shust dead; not von vink of schleep haf I had all der night. +He shust cry und cry, and vat I do I don't know. I fear he die. Der +fader gone for der doctor, but he die 'fore dey gets here. Schee, +he getten gold now." + +Truly enough, the child's extremities were growing chill indeed, +and the peculiar pinched look and ashen color which is so often +the precursor of death was apparent. + +"Let me call my mother," cried Mildred, in much alarm. "She knows +about children." + +Mrs. Jocelyn soon became convinced from the mother's account that +the child's disease was cholera infantum, and some previous experience +with her own children taught her just what to do. Before very long +the little one gave evidence of a change for the better. After the +crisis of danger was past, and while her mother and Mrs. Ulph were +working over the infant, Mildred began quietly to put the room into +something like order, and to dress the other children that were in +various transition stages between rags and nakedness. As the German +woman emerged from a semi-paralyzed condition of alarm over her +child she began to talk and complain as usual. + +"It vas von shudgment on der fader," she said querulously. "He care +more for der schpots on der sun dan for his schilder. For der last +veek it's all peen schpots on der sun, notting put schpots. Vat +goot dey do us? Dare's peen light to vork py, put efry minit he +schtop vork to run to der roof und see dem schpots vot he says on +der sun. He says dere ish--vat you call him--pig virl-a-rounds up +dere dat vould plow all der beoples off der earth in von vink, und +ven I tells him dat he ish von pig virl-a-round himself, runnin' +und runnin', und lettin' der vork schstand, den von of der schpots +come outen on him und I dink he plow my hed offen." + +By and by she began again: "If it ish not schpots it ish someding +else. Von year he feel vorse dan if I die pegose vat you call +a gomet did not gome ven he said it vould gome. He near look his +eyes outen for it, und he go efry morning 'fore preakfast for der +bapers to get vord of dat gomet. I dought we all schtarve 'fore +he got done mit dot gomet, and ven he give oup all hope of him, he +feel vorse dan he vould if dis schild die. He vas so pad to me as +if I eat der gomet oup, and we had not mooch else to eat till he +sure der gomet gone to der duyvil. It might haf been vorse if der +gomet come; vat he done den der goot Lord only know--he go off mit +it if he gould. He tink notting of sittin' oup mit a gomet, put he +get der schpots on him ven I ask to nurse der schild in der night." + +Mrs. Jocelyn and Mildred paid little attention to her plaints; and +the former, having done what she could, returned to her own family +cares. Mildred took the little sick boy in her arms, saying that +she would hold him while Mrs. Ulph prepared breakfast. + +It was at this stage of affairs that the door opened, and the +pinched and grizzled visage of Mr. Ulph appeared, followed by the +burly form of a German physician whom he had insisted on finding. +The former stopped short and stared at Mildred, in grim hesitation +whether he should resent an intrusion or acknowledge a kindness. +His wife explained rapidly in German, with a deferential manner, +but in a sub-acidulous tone. + +"I do not wish to intrude, but only to help as a neighbor should," +Mildred began, during a lull between Mrs. Ulph's shrill notes. +"I fear your little boy was very ill when I first came--indeed +my mother thought he was dying. She knows, I think, for my little +brother nearly died of an attack like this." + +Beyond her explanation of Mildred's presence he seemingly had given +no heed to his wife's words, but now he started and exclaimed, +"Mein Gott! Vat you say? Die?" and he turned with intense anxiety +to the doctor, who without ceremony began to investigate the case, +asking the mother questions and receiving answers that Mildred +did not understand. The woman evidently claimed all the credit she +deserved for her care of the patient in the night, and suggested +that Mr. Ulph had been very oblivious until the child seemed +sinking, for the old man grew excessively impatient during the +interrogations. As if unconscious of Mildred's ignorance of their +language, he said earnestly to her, "I did not know--I vould gif +my life for der schild--der boor leedle poy--I no dink dat he vas +so sick," and his eager words and manner convinced Mildred that +his wife misrepresented him, and that his interest in the mystery +of the comet's fate would be slight compared with that which centred +in his son. + +The phlegmatic physician continued his investigations with true +German thoroughness and deliberation. It was well that the child's +worst symptoms had been relieved before he came, for he seemed bent +on having the whole history of the case down to the latest moment +before he extended his heavy hand to the aid of nature, and +he questioned Mildred as minutely as he had Mrs. Ulph, while she, +unlike the former, did not take any credit to herself. + +If the doctor was a little slow, he was sure, for he said something +emphatically to the father, who in turn seized Mildred's hand, +exclaiming, with explosive energy, "Gott pless you! Gott pless +you!" + +"But it was mamma who did everything," protested the young girl. + +"Yah, I know, I know; put who prought mamma? Who listen ven der +boor leetle poy gry in der night? Who gome in der morning? Mine +paby vould haf been ded if you haf not gome. Gott pless you; Gott +pless your moder. I vant to dank her mooch." + +The grateful father had called down God's blessings so lavishly +that Mildred very naturally said, "You have more reason to thank +God than any one else, Mr. Ulph, for no doubt it was His blessing +on our efforts that has made your child better. The disease is such +a dangerous one that the best human skill is often in vain." + +The physician shrugged his shoulders and looked significantly at +Mr. Ulph, whose visage wrinkled into an odd grimace. + +"You may dink vat you please and say vat you please, Miss Schoslin. +Men dink different off dese dinks vrom vomans. I haf a vay off saying +Gott pless beoples ven I feels goot dowards 'em, put I means 'em +no harm. Vat you American beoples somedimes say--dank my schtars? +Dat will do shust so vell for me. It vas dis vay: der schild vas +seek; you und your moder gome, und you make gauses und dere are der +evvects. I perlieve in gause und evvect, und you vas a very goot +gause." + +"We certainly should be very poor neighbors had we not come and +done all we could, and with your permission mother and I will help +your wife to-day so she can get some rest." + +"I dank you vrom mine heart. You make me dink off der heafenly +podies--you make order put no noise. I vill do for you vatefer you +vish und pe honest." + +Mildred now believed that she had gained the key to the old German's +character, and such a hold upon his feelings that he would eventually +permit her to become his companion in his star-gazing on the roof. +Denied so much of the beauty she craved on the earth, she believed +that she could find in an intelligent study of the skies a pleasure +that would prove an antidote for the depressing circumstances of +her lot. She had often longed with intense curiosity to look through +his telescope, and to penetrate some of the bright mysteries that +glittered above her with such tantalizing suggestion. She was +adroit, however, and determined that the invitation should come +unsolicited from him, so that his suspicions and cynical nature +could give no sinister interpretation to her kindness. + +The physician evidently shared in Mr. Ulph's estimate of the mother +of the child, for he explained to Mildred how the remedies he left +should be used. She and Mrs. Jocelyn acted as nurse most of the +day, and the patient improved steadily. After her return from the +chapel in the afternoon, Mildred found the old German smoking his +pipe in quite a placid mood, and she skilfully led him to talk on +his favorite theme. He soon became so interested and so confidential +that he unlocked a small, closet-like room and showed her his +treasures--the telescope and other instruments, Argelander's maps, +and many books written by the most eminent authorities. + +"I haf gone mitout mine dinner many und many der day to puy dese. +Mine pody schtays in dis hole in dis old house, put mit dese vat I +gather since ven I vas young, I go to heafen every night. Hah, hah, +hah! dot Engleesh voman on der virst vloor dink she know a petter +vay off going to heafen; und she dalk her reeleegious schargou to +me, ven she know notting at all put vat der briests dell her. If +dey dell her de moon von pig green scheese she swar it ish so; put +dese dings dell der druf, und der great laws vork on for efer no +matter vat voolish beoples perlieve. It vas all law und vorce, und +it vould be von pig muddle in der heafens if it vas all vat der +briests say." + +Mildred was in a dilemma, for she felt that she could not be silent +under his outspoken scepticism, and yet if she revealed her mind +she doubted whether there would be any result except the alienation +of the man whose friendship she was bent on securing. After a +moment's hesitation she saw but one honorable course, and so said +firmly, "Mr. Ulph, I believe you are an honest man, but I want you +to think of me as an honest girl, also. If I wanted to know about +astronomy--and I do want to know very much--I would come to you. If +I wanted to know about some other things I would go to my minister. +I believe in law as truly as you do, but I believe God made the +laws--that they are simply His will. If I respect your unbelief, +you must respect my faith--that is fair; and I think you are one +who would deal fairly and do justice to all. Mrs. Wheaton knows +little of astronomy and many other things, no doubt, but she has +known how to be a very kind, good neighbor to us, and her religion +is mine." + +The old German stared at her a moment, then scratched his head as +he replied, half apologetically and half pityingly, "You vas notting +put a leedle schild, put you haf a goot heart. You vas honest, +und you schtands oop vor your vriends, und I likes dot. You may +perlieve all der vables you vish; und I vill dells you more vables +apout der schtars dat ish shust so goot und shust so old." + +"But you will tell me the truth about them, too, won't you?" pleaded +Mildred, with a smile that would have thawed a colder nature than +Mr. Ulph's. "I want to learn a wee bit of what you know. I have so +little that is bright and pretty in my life now that I just long to +catch some glimpses of what you see in the skies. Perhaps I could +help you by writing down your observations. I would ask questions +only when you said I might." + +"Veil, now, dot's a good idea. Mine eyes vas getten old, und you +vas young, put it von't last; you vas a young ding, und girls vas +vlighty and vant--vat you call him?--peaux und vrolics ven der +nights vas goot and glear." + +"Try me," said Mildred, with a little emphatic nod. + +"Veil, you don't seem likes von silly girl, und I vill dry you; put +you moost pe very schteady und batient, und but down shust vhat I +say. Von leedle schlip, und I vas all vrong in mine vigures. Von +preadth off hair down here ish oh--so vide oop dere. Und now, gome, +I tells you apout der schpots--der sun schpots," and with many odd +gesticulations and contortions of his quaint visage he described +the terrific cyclones that were sweeping over the surface of the +sun at that time, and whose corresponding perturbations in the +astronomer's mind had so exasperated his wife. She and the sick +child were now sleeping, and the other children, warned by the +threatening finger of the father, played quietly in a corner. It +was an odd place to conjure up images of whirling storms of fire so +appallingly vast that the great earth, if dropped into one of them, +would be fused instantly like a lump of ore in a blast furnace; but +the grotesque little man was so earnest, so uncouth, yet forcible, +in his suggestions as he whirled his arms around to indicate the +vast, resistless sweep of the unimaginable forces working their +wild will millions of miles away, that their truth and reality grew +painfully vivid to the young girl, and she trembled and shuddered. +The roar of the wildest storm, he told her, and the bellowing of +mountainous waves combined, would be but a murmur compared with the +far-reaching thunder of a sun hurricane as it swept along hundreds +of times faster than clouds are ever driven by an earthly tornado. +There was nothing in her nature which led her to share in his +almost fierce delight in the far-away disturbances, and he suddenly +stopped and said kindly, "Vy I vrighten you mit sooch pig gommotions? +You shust von leedle schild off a voman; und I likes you pegause +you haf prain so you see und know vat I say. You see him too mooch, +und so you dremble. Dot's goot. If you vas silly you vould giggle. +Der schpots ish a goot way offen, und vill nefer virl you away; +und next dime I dells you someding schmooth und britty." + +Mildred was glad to hasten through the gathering dusk to her own +natural and homelike abode, for the old man's strong descriptions +and vivid manner had oppressed her with a vague terror, and it was +a long time before she could escape from the spell of his words. +Indeed they followed her into her dreams, and in one of these +dreadful visions she imagined herself shot by the old astronomer +through his telescope straight into the centre of a "sun schpot." +Whom should she find there in her uncurbed imagination but Roger +Atwood? He seemed to be standing still, and he coolly remarked +that "a man had no business to be whirled about by any force in +the universe." She, however, was carried millions of miles away--a +fact she did not so much regret, even in her dream, since he was +left behind. + + + + +CHAPTER XXIV + +ROGER REAPPEARS + + +Roger Atwood had entered Mildred's mind as a part of a grotesque +dream, but he had no place in her waking thoughts. With Vinton +Arnold, however, it was very different, and scarcely an hour passed +that she was not wondering where he was, and again questioning his +prolonged silence. Often her heart beat quick as she imagined she +caught a glimpse of him in the street; and it must be admitted +that she looked for him constantly, although she took pains never +to pass his residence. Could he be ill, or was he patiently waiting +like herself, secure in her good faith? She longed to see him, +even though unseen herself, and one Sunday early in November she +yielded to her strong desire to look upon one in reality who had +become an abiding presence in her mind. She believed that from a +certain part of the gallery in the church they both had attended +in former days she could look down upon the Arnold pew. If he were +not ill she felt quite sure he would be in his old place. + +It was almost with a sense of guilty intrusion that she crossed the +threshold of her old church-home and stole to the thinly occupied +gallery. She saw familiar faces, but shrank from recognition in +almost trembling apprehension, scarcely feeling secure behind her +thick veil. The place, once so familiar, now seemed as strange as +if it belonged to another world; and in a certain sense she felt +that it was part of a world with which she would never willingly +identify herself again. It was a place where fashion was supreme, +and not the spirit of Christ, not even the spirit of a broad, honest, +and earnest humanity. The florid architecture, the high-priced and +elegantly upholstered pews, sparsely occupied by people who never +wished to be crowded under any possible circumstances, and preferred +not to touch each other except in a rather distant and conventional +way, the elaborately ritualistic service, and the cold, superficial +religious philosophy taught, were all as far removed from the +divine Son of Mary as the tinsel scenery of a stage differs from +a natural landscape. Mildred's deep and sorrowful experience made +its unreality painfully apparent and unsatisfactory. She resolved, +however, to try to give the sacred words that would be uttered +their true meaning; and, in fact, her sincere devotion was like a +simple flower blooming by the edge of a glacier. She felt that the +human love she brought there and sought to gratify was pure and +unselfish, and that in no sense could it be a desecration of the +place and hour. To a nature like hers, her half-pitying love for one +so unfortunate as Vinton Arnold was almost as sacred as her faith, +and therefore she had no scruple in watching for his appearance. + +Her quest was unrewarded, however, for no one entered the pew except +Mr. Arnold and one of his daughters. The absence of Mrs. Arnold +and the invalid son filled her with forebodings and the memory of +the past; the influence of the place combined with her fears was +so depressing that by the time the service ended her tears were +falling fast behind her veil. With natural apprehension that her +emotion might be observed she looked hastily around, and, with a +start, encountered the eyes of Roger Atwood. Her tears seemed to +freeze on her cheeks, and she half shuddered in strong revulsion +of feeling. She had come to see the man she loved; after months +of patient waiting she had at last so far yielded to the cravings +of her heart as to seek but a glimpse of one who fed her dearest +earthly hope; but his place is vacant. In his stead she finds, +almost at her side, one whom she hoped never to see again; and she +knew he was offering through his dark eyes a regard loathed in +her inmost soul. She was oppressed with a sudden, superstitious +fear that she could not escape him--that he was endowed with such +a remorseless will and persistence that by some strange necessity +she might yield in spite of herself. Belle's words, "He'll win you +yet," seemed like a direful prophecy. How it could ever be fulfilled +she could not imagine; but his mere presence caused a flutter of fear, +and the consciousness that she was followed by a man pre-eminently +gifted with that subtle power before which most obstacles crumble +made her shiver with an undefined dread. + +She believed her veil had been no protection--that he had seen her +emotion and divined its cause, indeed that nothing could escape +his eyes. She also felt sure that he had come to the city to carry +out the projects which he had vaguely outlined to her, and that +henceforth she could never be sure, when away from home, that his +searching eyes were not upon her. However well-intentioned his +motive might be, to her it would be an odious system of espionage. +There was but one way in which she could resent it--by a cold and +steadily maintained indifference, and she left the church without +any sign of recognition, feeling that her lowered veil should have +taught him that she was shunning observation, and that he had no +right to watch her. She went home not only greatly depressed, but +incensed, for it was the same to her as if she had been intruded +upon at a moment of sacred privacy, and coldly scrutinized while +she was giving way to feelings that she would hide from all the +world. That he could not know this, and that it was no great breach +of delicacy for a young man to sit in the same church with a lady +of his acquaintance, and even to regard her with sympathy, she did +not consider. She was in no mood to do him justice, and circumstances +had imbued her mind with intense prejudice. She was by no means +perfect, nor above yielding to very unjust prejudices when tempted +to them by so unwelcome an interest as that entertained by Roger +Atwood. + +"What's the matter, Millie?" her mother asked, following her into +her room where Belle was writing a letter to Clara Bute. Mildred +concluded to tell all, for she feared Roger might soon appear and +occasion awkward explanations, so she said, "I felt, this morning, +like having a glimpse of our old church and life. I suppose it +was very weak and foolish and I was well punished, for toward the +end of the service I was thinking over old times, and it all very +naturally brought some tears. I looked around, and who, of all +others, should be watching me but Roger Atwood!" + +Belle sprang up and clapped her hands with a ringing laugh. "That's +capital," she cried. "Didn't I tell you, Millie, you couldn't escape +him? You might just as well give in first as last." + +"Belle," said Mildred, in strong irritation, "that kind of talk +is unpardonable. I won't endure it, and if such nonsense is to be +indulged in Roger Atwood cannot come here. I shall at least have +one refuge, and will not be persecuted in my own home." + +"Belle," added Mrs. Jocelyn gravely, "since Mildred feels as she +does, you must respect her feelings. It would be indelicate and +unwomanly to do otherwise." + +"There, Millie, I didn't mean anything," Belle said, soothingly. +"Besides I want Roger to come and see us, for he can be jolly +good company if he has a mind to; and I believe he will come this +afternoon or evening. For my sake you must all treat him well, for +I want some one to talk to once in a while--some one that mamma +will say is a 'good, well-meaning young man.' The Atwoods have all +been so kind to us that we must treat him well. It would be mean +not to do so. No doubt he's all alone in the city, too, and will +be lonely." + +"There is no need of his being in the city at all," Mildred +protested. "I've no patience with his leaving those who need him +so much. I think of them, and am sure they feel badly about it, +and likely enough are blaming me, when, if I had my way, he'd live +and die in sight of his own chimney smoke." + +"Millie, you are unreasonable," retorted Belle. "Why hasn't Roger +Atwood as good a right to seek his fortune out in the world as +other young men? Papa didn't stay on the old plantation, although +they all wanted him to. What's more, he has as good a right to like +you as you have to dislike him. I may as well say it as think it." + +It was difficult to refute Belle's hard common-sense, and her +sister could only protest, "Well, he has no right to be stealthily +watching me, nor to persecute me with unwelcome attentions." + +"Leave it all to me, Millie," said her mother gently. "I will +manage it so that Belle can have his society occasionally, and we +show our goodwill toward those who have been kind to us. At the +same time I think I can shield you from anything disagreeable. He +is pretty quick to take a hint; and you can soon show him by your +manner that you wish him well, and that is all. He'll soon get over +his half-boyish preference, or at least learn to hide it. You give +to his feelings more importance than they deserve." + +"I suppose I do," Mildred replied musingly, "but he makes upon me +the queer impression that he will never leave me alone--that I can +never wholly shake him off, and that he will appear like a ghost +when I least expect it." + +Belle smiled significantly. "There, you might as well speak plainly +as look in that way," Mildred concluded irritably. "I foresee how +it will be, but must submit and endure as best I can, I suppose." + +Belle's anticipation proved correct, for just as they were nearly +ready to start for the chapel Eoger appeared, and was a little awkward +from diffidence and doubt as to his reception. Mrs. Jocelyn's +kindness and Belle's warm greeting somewhat reassured him, and +atoned for Mildred's rather constrained politeness. While answering +the many and natural questions about those whom he had left in +Forestville, he regained his self-possession and was able to hold +his own against Belle's sallies. "You have come to the city to +stay?" she asked, point-blank. + +"Yes," he said briefly, and that was the only reference he made to +himself. + +She soon began vivaciously, "You must go with us to church and +Sunday-school. Here you are, an innocent and unprotected youth in +this great wicked city, and we must get you under good influence +at once." + +"That is my wish," he replied, looking her laughingly in the face, +"and that is why I came to see you. If you have a class and will +take me into it, I will accept all the theology you teach me." + +"Mr. Wentworth's hair would rise at the idea of my teaching theology +or anything; but I'll look after you, and if you get any fast ways +I'll make you sorry. No, I'm only a scholar. Millie has a class of +the worst boys in school, and if--" A warning glance here checked +her. + +"Well, then, can't I join your class?" + +"Oh, no, we are all girls, and you'll make us so bashful we wouldn't +dare say anything." + +"I think Mr. Atwood had better go with us to the chapel, accepting +the conditions on which we first attended," suggested Mrs. Jocelyn. +"If he is pleased, as we were, he can then act accordingly." + +"Yes, come," cried Belle, who had resumed at once her old companionable +and mirthful relations with Roger. "I'll go with you, so you won't +feel strange or afraid. I want you to understand," she continued, +as they passed down the quaint old hallway, "that we belong to +the aristocracy. Since this is the oldest house in town, we surely +should be regarded as one of the old families." + +"By what magic were you able to make so inviting a home in such a +place?" he asked. + +"Oh, that's Millie's work," she replied. + +"I might have known that," he said, and a sudden shadow crossed +his face. Quickly as it passed away, she saw it. + +"Yes," she resumed in a low, earnest tone--for she had no scruple +in fanning the flame of his love which she more than half believed +might yet be rewarded--"Millie is one of a million. She will be +our main dependence, I fear. She is so strong and sensible." + +"Is--is not Mr. Jocelyn well?" he asked apprehensively. + +"I fear he isn't well at all," she answered with some despondency. +"He is sleeping now; he always rests Sunday afternoon, and we try +to let him rest all he can. He sleeps, or rather dozes, a great +deal, and seems losing his strength and energy," and she spoke +quite frankly concerning their plans, projects, and hopes. She +believed in Roger, and knew him to be a sincere friend, and it +was her nature to be very outspoken where she had confidence. "If +Millie can learn thoroughly what she is now studying," she concluded, +"I think we can get along." + +"Yes," said Roger, in low, sad emphasis, "your sister is indeed one +of a million, and my chance of winning one friendly thought from +her also seems but one in a million. Belle, let us understand each +other from the start. I have come to the city to stay, and I intend +to succeed. I have an uncle in town who has given me a chance, +and he'll do more for me, I think. He's peculiar, but he's shrewd +and sensible, and when he is convinced that I intend to carry out +certain plans he will aid me. He is watching me now, and thinks I +am here only from a restless impulse to see the world; by and by +he will know better. He has the obstinate Atwood blood, and if he +takes a notion to give me a chance to get a first-class education, +he will see me through. I'm going to have one anyway, but of course +I'd rather be able to get it in five or six years than in eight or +ten years, as would be the case if I had to work my own way. I am +now employed in his commission store down town, but I am studying +every spare moment I can get, and he knows it, only he thinks it +won't last. But it will, and I shall at least try to be one of the +first lawyers in this city. What's more, I shall work as few young +men are willing to work or can work, for I am strong, and--well, +I have motives for work that are not usual, perhaps. You see I +am frank with you as you have been with me. You often talk like a +gay child, but I understand you well enough to know that you are +a whole-souled little woman, and thoroughly worthy of trust; and +I have told you more about myself and present plans than any one +else. Clara Bute informed me all about your courage at the store, +and I felt proud that I knew you, and don't intend that you shall +ever be ashamed of me. You may tell your mother all this if you +please, because I wish her to know just what kind of a young fellow +I am, and what are my connections and prospects. I would much like +to come and see you and go out with you now and then; and if you +and your--well, your family should ever need any service that it +was in my power to render, I should like you all to feel that I am +not altogether unfit to give it, or to be your associate." + +"You needn't talk that way," said Belle; "you are up in the world +compared with us." + +"I mean every word I say. I respect your mother as I do my own, +for I have seen her beautiful life and beautiful face for weeks and +months. I never expect to see a more perfect and genuine lady. I +am not well versed in society's ways, but I assure you I would +make every effort in my power to act as she would think a young +man ought to act. I'd rather fight a dragon than displease her." + +Tears of gratified feeling were in Belle's eyes, but she said +brusquely, "Not versed in society's ways! Account, then, for that +fashionable suit of clothes you are wearing." + +"They were not cut in Forestville," he replied dryly. + +"Roger," she said impulsively, "I'm wonderfully glad you've come +to New York to live, for I was dying for a little society and fun +that mother and Millie wouldn't disapprove of. They are so particular, +you know, that I fairly ache from trying to walk in the strait and +narrow path which is so easy for them. I want a lark. I must have +a lark before long, or I'll explode. What can we do that will +be real genuine fun? It will do you good, too, or you'll become a +dull boy with nothing but work, work, work. You needn't tell me the +world was only made to work in. If it was, I've no business here. +You must think up something spicy, and no make-believe. I want to +go somewhere where I can laugh with my whole heart. I can't go on +much longer at this old humdrum, monotonous jog, any more than your +colts up at the farm could go around like the plow-horses, and I +know it isn't right to expect it of me. And yet what has been the +case? Off early in the morning to work, standing all day till I'm +lame in body and mad in spirit--stupid owls to make us stand till +we are so out of sorts that we are ready to bite customers' heads +off instead of waiting on 'em pleasantly. When I come home, mamma +often looks tired and sad, for this life is wearing on her, and +she is worrying in secret over papa's health. Millie, too, is tired +and downhearted in spite of her trying to hide it. She won't go out +anywhere because she says there are no places where young girls +can go unattended that are within our means. I've got tired of +the other shop-girls. A few of them are nice; but more of them are +stupid or coarse, so I just sit around and mope, and go to bed early +to get through the time. If I even try to romp with the children +a little, mamma looks distressed, fearing I will disturb papa, who +of late, when he comes out of his dozing condition, is strangely +irritable. A year ago he'd romp and talk nonsense with me to my +heart's content; but that's all passed. Now is it natural for a +young girl little more than sixteen to live such a life?" + +"No, Belle, it is not, and yet I have seen enough of the city during +the week I have been here to know that your mother and sister are +right in their restrictions." + +"Well, then, it's a burning shame that in a city called Christian +a poor girl is not more safe outside of her own door than if she +were in a jungle. Do you mean to say that girls, situated as Millie +and I are, must remain cooped up in little rooms the year round +when our work is over?" + +"The street is no place for you to take recreation in after +nightfall; and where else you can go unattended I'm sure I don't +know. If there is any place, I'll find out, for I intend to study +this city from top to bottom. A lawyer is bound to know life as it +is, above all things. But you needn't worry about this question in +the abstract any more. I'll see that you have a good time occasionally. +You sister will not go with me, at least not yet--perhaps never--but +that is not my fault. I've only one favor to ask of you, Belle, and +I'll do many in return. Please never, by word, or even by look, make +my presence offensive or obtrusive to Miss Mildred. If you will be +careful I will not prove so great an affliction as she fears." + +"Roger Atwood, do you read people's thoughts?" + +"Oh, no, I only see what is to be seen, and draw my conclusions," +he said, a little sadly. + +"Well, then, if you can have the tact and delicacy to follow such +good eyesight, you may fare better than you expect," she whispered +at the chapel door. + +He turned toward her with a quick flash, but she had stepped forward +into the crowd passing through the vestibule. From that moment, +however, a ray of hope entered his heart, and in quiet resolve he +decided to conform his tactics to the hint just received. + +Mrs. Jocelyn and Mildred followed half a block away, and the former +said to her daughter: "There they go, Millie, chattering together +like two children. You surely take this affair too seriously. His +sudden and boyish infatuation with you was the most natural thing +in the world. He had never seen a girl like you before, and you +awoke him into something like manhood. Very young men are prone to +fall in love with women older than themselves, or those who seem +older, and speedily to fall out again. Martin has often said his +first flame is now a gray-headed lady, and yet he was sure at one +time he never could endure life without her. You know that I consoled +him quite successfully," and Mildred was pleased to hear the old, +sweet laugh that was becoming too rare of late. Even now it ended +in a sigh. Mr. Jocelyn was losing his resemblance to the man she +had accepted in those bright days that now seemed so long ago. + +"I hope you are right, mamma. It seems as if I ought to laugh at +the whole affair and good-naturedly show him his folly, but for +some reason I can't. He affects me very strangely. While I feel a +strong repulsion, I am beginning to fear him--to become conscious +of his intensity and the tenacity and power of his will. I didn't +understand him at first, and I don't now, but if he were an ordinary, +impulsive young fellow he would not impress me as he does." + +"Don't you think him true and good at heart?" + +"I've no reason to think him otherwise. I can't explain to you how I +feel, nor do I understand it myself. He seems the embodiment of a +certain kind of force, and I always shrank from mere force, whether +in nature or people." + +"I can tell you how it is, Millie. Quiet and gentle as you seem, you +have a tremendous will of your own, and very strong-willed people +don't get on well together." + +"Astute little mother! Well, explain it in any way that pleases +you, only keep your promise not to let him become the bane of my +life." + +"I'm not at all sure but that Belle will soon usurp your place in his +regard, nor would I object, for I am very anxious about the child. +I know that her present life seems dull to her, and the temptations of +the city to a girl with a nature like hers are legion. He can be a +very useful friend to her, and he seems to me manly and trustworthy. +I'm not often deceived in my impressions of people, and he inspires +me with confidence, and has from the first. I never saw anything +underhand in him at the farm." + +"Oh, no, he's honest enough, no doubt." + +"There, Millie," resumed her mother, laughing, "you have a woman's +reason for your feelings--you don't like him, and that is the end +of it. You must admit, however, that he has improved wonderfully. +I never saw a young fellow so changed, so thoroughly waked up. He +has sense, too, in little things. One would think from his dress +he had been born and bred in the city. They didn't palm off an +old-fashioned suit on him, if he was from the country. + +"Chant his praises to Belle, mamma, and she will greatly appreciate +this last proof of his superiority. To me he seems like his clothes--a +little too new. Still I admit that he can be of very great service +to Belle; and if he will restrict his attentions to her I will +be as polite as either of you can wish. I, too, feel a very deep +sympathy for Belle. She is little more than a child, and yet her +life is imposing upon her the monotonous work of a middle-aged +woman, and I fear the consequences. It's contrary to nature, and +no one knows it better than she. If he will help us take care of +her I shall be grateful indeed; but if he grows sentimental and +follows me as he did this morning, I could not endure it--indeed +I could not." + +"Well, Millie dear, we won't cross any bridges till we come to +them." + + + + +CHAPTER XXV + +THE DARK SHADOW OF COMING EVENTS + + +During the sermon it must be admitted that Belle's thoughts wandered +from the text and its able development by Mr. Wentworth. In fact, +she was developing a little scheme of her own, and, as the result, +whispered at the close of service, "Mamma, Roger and I are going +to take a walk in the Park. Can't I ask him home to supper? This +is his first Sunday in town, and it will be so dismal--" + +"Yes, child, go and have a good time." + +Within the next five minutes radiant Belle was an unconscious +embodiment of foreordination to Roger. He had had no idea of going +to the Park, but Belle had decreed he should go, and as he smilingly +accompanied her he certainly remained a very contented free agent. + +It was a clear, bracing afternoon and evening, wherein were blended +the characteristics of both autumn and winter, and the young people +returned with glowing cheeks and quickened pulses. + +"Oh, Millie!" cried Belle, "such a walk as I have had would make +you over new. I felt as if I were a hundred this morning, but now +I feel just about sixteen--that was my last birthday, wasn't it, +mamma?" + +Both mother and sister smiled to see her sparkling eyes and bubbling +happiness; and the latter thought, "For her sake I must certainly +either master or conceal my dislike for that young fellow." + +Indeed, she herself appeared sadly in need of a little vigorous +exercise in the frosty air. The events of the day had been exceedingly +depressing; despondency had taken the place of the irritation and +the hopes and fears that had alternated in the morning hours; but +she unselfishly tried to disguise it, and to aid her mother in +preparing an inviting supper for Belle and her guest. + +Mildred was obliged to admit to herself that Roger had very little +of the appearance and manner of an uncouth countryman. There was a +subtle, half-conscious homage for her mother in his every look and +word, and for herself a politeness almost as distant and unobtrusive +as her own. Once, when a sigh escaped her as she was busy about +the room, she looked apprehensively at him, and, as she feared, +encountered a glance from which nothing could escape. She now felt +that her assumed cheerfulness deceived him so little that, were +it not for Belle, she would wholly forego the effort, and end the +long, miserable day in her own room. + +Suddenly the thought occurred to her: "I will learn from his +microscopic eyes how papa appears to others not blinded by love +as we are; for, in spite of all my efforts to look on the bright +side, I am exceedingly ill at ease about him. I fear he is failing +faster than we think--we who see him daily. Mr. Atwood has not seen +him for months, and the least change would be apparent to him." + +Immunity from business induced Mr. Jocelyn to gratify his cravings +more unstintedly on Sunday; and as he was often exceedingly irritable +if disturbed when sleeping off the effects of an extra indulgence, +they usually left him to wake of his own accord. Unfortunately the +walls of his apartment were but curtains, and his loud breathings +made it necessary to rouse him. This Mrs. Jocelyn accomplished +with some difficulty, but did not mention the presence of Roger, +fearing that in his half-wakened condition he might make some remark +which would hurt the young man's feelings. She merely assisted him +to arrange his disordered hair and dress, and then led the way to +the supper-table he in the meantime protesting petulantly that he +wished no supper, but would rather have slept. + +As he emerged from the curtained doorway, Mildred's eyes were fastened +on Roger's face, determined that nothing in its expression should +escape her. He at the moment was in the midst of a laughing reply +to one of Belle's funny speeches, but he stopped instantly and +turned pale as his eyes rested on the visage of her father. Had +that face then changed so greatly? Had disease made such havoc +that this comparative stranger was aghast and could not conceal +the truth that he was shocked? + +It was with sharp anguish that these queries flashed through Mildred's +mind, and, with her own perceptions sharpened and quickened, she +saw that her father had indeed changed very greatly; he had grown +much thinner; his complexion had an unnatural, livid aspect; his +old serene, frank look was absent, and a noticeable contraction in +the pupils of his eyes gave an odd, sinister aspect to his expression. + +There were other changes that were even more painful to witness. In +former days he had been the embodiment of genial Southern hospitality; +but now, although he made a visible effort for self-control, his +whole body seemed one diseased irritable nerve. + +Roger almost instantly overcame his pained surprise, yet not so +quickly but that it was observed by all, and even by him who had been +the cause. "I am very sorry to learn you are not in good health," +he was indiscreet enough to say as he offered his hand in greeting. + +"From whom have you learned this?" demanded Mr. Jocelyn, looking +angrily and suspiciously around. "I assure you that you are +mistaken. I never was in better health, and I am not pleased that +any one should gossip about me." + +They sat down under a miserable constraint--Belle flushed +and indignant, Mildred no longer disguising her sadness, and poor +Mrs. Jocelyn with moist eyes making a pitiful attempt to restore +serenity so that Belle's happy day might not become clouded. Roger +tried to break the evil spell by giving his impressions of the Park +to Mrs. Jocelyn, but was interrupted by her husband, who had been +watching the young man with a perplexed, suspicious look, vainly +trying to recall the name of one whose face was familiar enough, +remarking at last very satirically, "Has it ceased to be the +style to introduce people, especially at one's own table? I might +appreciate this gentleman's conversation better if I knew his name." + +They all looked at each other in sudden dismay, for they could +not know that opium impairs memory as well as health and manhood. +"Martin," cried his wife, in a tone of sharp distress, "you ARE +ill, indeed. There is no use in trying to disguise the truth any +longer. What! don't you remember Roger Atwood, the son of the kind +friends with whom we spent the summer?" and in spite of all effort +tears blinded her eyes. + +The wretched man's instinct of self-preservation was aroused. He saw +from the looks of all about him that he was betraying himself--that +he was wholly off his balance. While vividly and painfully aware of +his danger, his enfeebled will and opium-clouded mind were impotent +to steady and sustain him or to direct his course. He had much +of the terror and all the sense of helplessness of a man who finds +himself in deep water and cannot swim. He trembled, the perspiration +started out on his brow, and his one impulse now was to be alone +with his terrible master, that had become the sole source of his +semblance of strength as well as of his real and fatal weakness. +"I--I fear I am ill," he faltered. "I'll go out and get a little +air," and he was about to leave the room almost precipitately. + +"Oh, Martin," expostulated his wife, "don't go out--at least not +alone." + +Again he lost control of himself, and said savagely, "I will. Don't +any one dare to follow me," and he almost rushed away. + +For a moment Mrs. Jocelyn tried to bear up from instinctive +politeness, but her lip quivered like that of a child; then the +tide of her feeling swept her away, and she fled to the adjoining +apartment. Mildred followed her at once, and Belle, with a white, +scared face, looked into Roger's eyes. He rose and came directly +to her and said, "Belle, you know you can always count on me. Your +father is so ill that I think I had better follow him. I can do so +unobserved." + +"Oh, Roger--why--is--is papa losing his mind?" + +His quick eye now noted that Fred and Minnie had become so impressed +that something dreadful had happened that they were about to make +the occasion more painful by their outcries, and he turned smilingly +to them, and with a few reassuring words and promises soon quieted +their fears. "Be a brave little woman, Belle," he at last said to +her. "There is my address, and please promise to let me know if I +can do anything for you and for--for Mrs. Jocelyn." + +"Don't go--please don't go yet," Belle pleaded. "Papa's looks and +words to-night fill me with a strange fear as if something awful +might happen." + +"Perhaps if I follow your father I may prevent--" + +"Oh, yes, go at once." + +He was intercepted at the door by the entrance of Mr. Jocelyn, who +had had ample time in the few brief minutes that had elapsed to +fill his system with the subtle stimulant. He now took Roger by the +hand most cordially, and said, "Pardon me, Mr. Atwood. My health +has become somewhat impaired of late, and I fear I have just had +a rather bad turn; but the air has revived me, and the trouble now +has passed. I insist that you stay and spend the evening with us." + +"Oh, papa," cried Belle, rushing into his arms, "how you frightened +us! Please go into my room, there, and comfort mamma by telling +her you are all well again." + +This he did so effectively that he soon led her out smiling through +her tears, for her confidence in him was the growth and habit +of years, and anything he said to her seemed for the moment true. +And, indeed, the man was so changed that it was hard to realize he +was not well. His face, in contrast with its aspect a few moments +since, appeared to have regained its natural hue and expression; +every trace of irritability had passed away, and with his old-time, +easy courtesy and seeming frankness he talked so plausibly of it +all that Belle and his wife, and even Roger, felt that they had +attached undue importance to a mere temporary indisposition. + +Mildred made great effort to be cheerful for her father's sake, +but the pallor did not pass from her face, nor the look of deep +anxiety from her eyes. The shadow of coming trouble had fallen too +heavily upon her, and that the marked exhibition of her father's +failing powers should have occurred at this time added to the +impression that Roger Atwood was their evil genius. She recalled +the fact that he seemingly had been the first exciting cause of +her father's unnatural behavior, and now his reappearance was the +occasion of the most convincing proof they had yet received that +the one upon whom they all depended was apparently failing in both +mind and body. Even now, while he was doing his best to reassure and +render happy his family, there was to her perception an unreality +in his words and manner. She almost imagined, too, that he feared +to meet her eye and shunned doing so. Not in the remotest degree, +however, did she suspect the cause of his suddenly varying moods +and changed appearance, but regarded all as the result of his +misfortunes; and the miserable presentiment grew strong upon her +that soon--alas! too soon--she would be the slender reed on which +they all would lean. If she could have six months, only, of careful +preparation she would not so dread the burden; but if now, or soon, +the whole responsibility of the family's support should come upon +her and Belle, what would they do? Her heart sank, and her very +soul cowered at the prospect. She could not live in the present +hour like Belle, but with too keen a foresight realized how dark +and threatening was the future. + +The night was clear and beautiful, and Roger and Belle went up to +the platform built over the roof. Not long afterward there was a +knock at the door, and Mr. Ulph appeared. "Der night vas goot," he +said to Mildred, "und I vill gif you von leedle glimpse oil hefen +if you vould like him." + +The poor girl felt that she certainly needed a glimpse of something +bright and reassuring, and wrapping herself warmly she followed +her quaint friend to the roof. + +Roger grew taciturn as he watched the dim outline of her form and +her white, upturned face. She seemed as cold and distant to him +as the stars at which she gazed, and he thought dejectedly, "The +least of them have an interest for her greater than I shall ever +be able to inspire." + +He overrated her interest in the stars on that occasion, however, +for though she did her best to follow the old astronomer's words, +her heart was too sorrowful and preoccupied, and her eyes too often +blinded by tears, which once glittered so distinctly in the rays +of a brilliant planet that her companion stopped in the midst of +a sentence and looked at her keenly. + +"You vas not habby, my leedle schild," he said kindly. "Dere's +someding droubling you heart; put you gan no see vay inter der +hefens drew dears do' dey vas glear as der lens off my glass." + +"I fear I shall have to see through tears very often, if I see +at all," Mildred replied, with a low, suppressed sob. "Forgive +me to-night. I DO feel grateful that you are willing to show +me--but--I--I--well, I am troubled to-night about something, and +I can't control myself. To-morrow night I'll be braver, and will +help you. Please don't feel hurt if I leave you now." + +"Ah, mine leedle girl, learn vrom der schtars dot der great laws +moost be opeyed, und don't you vorry und vret ober vat you gannot +help. Shust you go along quiet und easy like Shupiter oup dere. +Lots off dings vill dry to bull dis vay and dot vay outen der right +orpt, put dond you mind 'em, und shust go right schtrait along +und not care. You veels too mooch apout oder beoples. Der schtars +deach you petter; dey goes right on der own vay und about der own +pisness, unless dey vas voolish leedle schtars, like dot von dere +dots shust gone to der duyvel vrom runin outen his vay toward der +earth." + +She might have reminded him that, if she had acted upon this cold +and selfish philosophy, his little child would now be sleeping in +a distant cemetery instead of in his warm crib, but she only said, +"Good-night, Mr. Ulph; I'll do better next time," and she hurried +away. She felt that the sun and centre of their family life was +passing under a strange and lasting eclipse, and the result might +be darkness--chaos. + +She wiped her eyes carefully, that no traces of grief might appear, +and then entered their room. Her mother was putting the children to +bed, and her father looking dreamily out of the window. She kissed +him, and said briefly, "I'm tired and think I will retire early so +as to be ready for my work." He made no effort to detain her. She +clasped her mother in a momentary passionate embrace, and then shut +herself up to a night of almost sleepless grief. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVI + +WAXING AND WANING MANHOOD + + +Both Belle and Roger saw that Mildred had not been reassured by +Mr. Jocelyn's return and manner; and as they thought it over they +found it difficult to account for his strangely varying moods. After +a rather lame effort to chat cheerily, Roger bad Belle good-night, +and assured her that she now had a friend always within call. + +His uncle's modest residence was in a side street and not far away, +but the young fellow walked for hours before applying his night-key +to the door. What he had seen and heard that day touched his heart's +core, and the influences that were so rapidly developing his manhood +were greatly strengthened. For Belle he now had a genuine liking +and not a little respect. He saw her foibles clearly, and understood +that she was still more a child than a woman, and so should not +be judged by the standards proper for those of mature age; but he +also saw the foundations on which a noble womanhood might be built. +She inspired a sense of comradeship and honest friendliness which +would easily deepen into fraternal love, but Mrs. Jocelyn's surmise +that she might some day touch that innermost spring which controls +the entire man had no true basis. Nor would there have been any +possibility of this had he never seen Mildred. A true man--one +governed by heart and mind, not passion--meets many women whom he +likes and admires exceedingly, but who can never quicken his pulse. +On Mildred, however--although she coveted the gift so little--was +bestowed the power to touch the most hidden and powerful principles +of his being, to awaken and stimulate every faculty he possessed. +Her words echoed and re-echoed in the recesses of his soul; even +her cold, distant glances were like rays of a tropical sun to which +his heart could offer no resistance; and yet they were by no means +enervating. Some natures would have grown despondent over prospects +seemingly so hopeless, but Roger was of a different type. His deep +and unaccepted feeling did not flow back upon his spirit, quenching +it in dejection and despair, but it became a resistless tide back +of his purpose to win her recognition and respect at least, and +his determination to prove himself her peer. A girl so beautiful +and womanly might easily gain such power over several men without +any conscious effort, remaining meanwhile wholly indifferent +or even averse herself, and Roger had indeed but little cause for +hope. He might realize every ambitious dream and win her respect +and admiration, and her heart continue as unresponsive as it had +been from the first. Many a man has loved and waited in vain; and +some out of this long adversity in that which touched their dearest +interests have built the grandest successes of life and the loftiest +and purest manhood. + +A few months before, Roger seemingly had been a good-natured, +pleasure-loving country youth, who took life as it came, with little +thought for the morrow. Events had proved that he had latent and +undeveloped force. In the material world we find substances that +apparently are inert and powerless, but let some other substance +be brought sufficiently near, and an energy is developed that seems +like magic, and transformations take place that were regarded as +supernatural in times when nature's laws were little understood. +If this be true concerning that which is gross and material, how +much more true of the quick, informing spirit that can send out its +thoughts to the furthest star! Strong souls--once wholly unconscious +of their power--at the touch of adequate motives pass into action +and combinations which change the character of the world from age +to age. + +But in the spiritual as in the physical world, this development takes +place in accordance with natural law and within the limitations of +each character. There is nothing strange, however strange it may +appear to those who do not understand. Roger Atwood was not a genius +that would speedily dazzle the world with bewildering coruscations. +It would rather be his tendency to grow silent and reserved with +years, but his old boyish alertness would not decline, or his habit of +shrewd, accurate observation. He thus would take few false steps, +and would prove his force by deeds. Therefore he was almost +predestined to succeed, for his unusually strong will would not +drive him into useless effort or against obstacles that could be +foreseen and avoided. + +After Mildred's departure from the country he carried out his +plans in a characteristic way. He wrote frankly and decidedly to +his uncle that he was coming to the city, and would struggle on +alone if he received no aid. At the same time he suggested that +he had a large acquaintance in his vicinity, and therefore by +judicious canvassing among the farmers he believed he could bring +much patronage with him. This looked not unreasonable to the shrewd +commission merchant, and, since his nephew was determined to make +an excursion into the world, he concluded it had better be done +under the safest and most business-like circumstances. At the same +time recalling the character and habits of the country boy, as he +remembered him, he surmised that Roger would soon become homesick +and glad to go back to his old life. If retained under his eye, +the youth could be kept out of harm's way and returned untainted +and content to be a farmer. He therefore wrote to Roger that, if +his parents were willing, he might secure what trade he could in +farm produce and make the trial. + +At first Mr. and Mrs. Atwood would not hear of the plan, and the +father openly declared that it was "those Jocelyn girls that had +unsettled the boy." + +"Father," said Roger, a little defiantly and sarcastically, doesn't +it strike you that I'm rather tall for a boy? Did you never hear +of a small child, almost of age, choosing his own course in life?" + +"That is not the way to talk," said his mother reprovingly. "We +both very naturally feel that it's hard, and hardly right, too, +for you to leave us just as we are getting old and need some one +to lean on." + +"Do not believe, mother, that I have not thought of that," was the +eager reply; "and if I have my way you and father, and Susan too, +shall be well provided for." + +"Thank you," Mr. Atwood snarled contemptuously. "I'll get what I +can out of the old farm, and I don't expect any provision from an +overgrown boy whose head is so turned by two city girls that he +must go dangling after them." + +Roger flushed hotly, and angry words rose to his lips, but he +restrained them by a visible effort. After a moment he said quietly, +"You are my father, and may say what you please. There is but one +way of convincing you whether I am a boy or a man, and I'll take +it. You can keep me here till I'm twenty-one if you will, but you'll +be sorry. It will be so much loss to me and no gain to you. I've +often heard you say the Atwoods never 'drove well,' and you found +out years ago that a good word went further with me than what you +used to call a 'good thrashing.' If you let me have my way, now +that I'm old enough to choose for myself, I'll make your old age +cozy and comfortable. If you thwart me, as I said before, you'll +be sorry," and he turned on his heel and left them. + +Politic Mrs. Atwood had watched her son closely for weeks and knew +that something was coming, but with woman's patience she waited and +was kind. No one would miss him so much as she, and yet, mother-like, +she now took sides against her own heart. But she saw that her +husband was in no mood to listen to her at present, and nothing +more was said that day. + +In the evening Roger drove out in his carriage and returned on +horseback. + +"There's the money you paid for the buggy, with interest," he said +to his father. + +"You aren't gone yet," was the growling answer. + +"No matter. I shall not ride in it again, and you are not the +loser." + +Roger had a rugged side to his nature which his father's course +often called out, and Mrs. Atwood made her husband feel, reluctant +as he was to admit it, that he was taking the wrong course with +his son. A letter also from his brother in town led him to believe +that Roger would probably come back in the spring well content to +remain at home; so at last he gave a grudging consent. + +Ungracious as it was, the young man rewarded him by a vigorous, +thorough completion of the fall work, by painting the house and +putting the place in better order than it had ever known before; +meanwhile for his mother and sister he showed a consideration and +gentleness which proved that he was much changed from his old self. + +"I can see the hand of Mildred Jocelyn in everything he says and +does," Susan remarked one day after a long fit of musing, "and +yet I don't believe she cares a straw for him." Her intuition was +correct; it was Roger's ambition to become such a man as Mildred +must respect in spite of herself, and it was also true that she +was not merely indifferent, but for the reasons already given--as +far as she had reasons--she positively disliked him. + +Roger brought sufficient business from the country to prevent +regretful second thoughts in the mind of his thrifty uncle, and the +impression was made that the young fellow might steady down into +a useful clerk; but when as much was hinted Roger frankly told him +that he regarded business as a stepping-stone merely to the study of +the law. The old merchant eyed him askance, but made no response. +Occasionally the veteran of the market evinced a glimmer of enthusiasm +over a prime article of butter, but anything so intangible as a +young man's ambitious dreams was looked upon with a very cynical +eye. Still he could not be a part of New York life and remain wholly +sceptical in regard to the possibilities it offered to a young +fellow of talent and large capacity for work. He was a childless +man, and if Roger had it in him to "climb the ladder," as he +expressed it to himself, "it might pay to give him the chance." But +the power to climb would have to be proved almost to a demonstration. +In the meantime Roger, well watched and much mistrusted, was but +a clerk in his store near Washington Market, and a student during +all spare hours. + +He had too much sense to attempt superficial work or to seek to +build his fortunes on the slight foundation of mere smartness. It +was his plan to continue in business for a year or more and then +enter the junior class of one of the city colleges. By making the +most of every moment and with the aid of a little private tutoring +he believed he could do this, for he was a natural mathematician, +and would find in the classics his chief difficulties. At any rate +it was his fixed resolve not to enter upon the study of the law +proper until he had broadened his mind by considerable general +culture. Not only did his ambition prompt to this, but he felt that +if he developed narrowly none would be so clearly aware of the fact +as Mildred Jocelyn. Although not a highly educated girl herself, he +knew she had a well-bred woman's nice perception of what constituted +a cultivated man; he also knew that he had much prejudice to +overcome, and that he must strike at its very root. + +In the meantime poor Mildred, unconscious of all save his unwelcome +regard, was seeking with almost desperate earnestness to gain +practical knowledge of two humble arts, hoping to be prepared for +the time--now clearly foreseen and dreaded--when her father might +decline so far in mind and health as to fail them utterly, and +even become a heavy burden. She did not dream that his disease was +a drug, and although some of his associates began to suspect as +much, in spite of all his precautions, none felt called upon to +suggest their suspicions to his family. + +Causes that work steadily will sooner or later reach their legitimate +results. The opium inertia grew inevitably upon Mr. Jocelyn. He +disappointed the expectations of his employers to that degree that +they felt that something was wrong, and his appearance and manner +often puzzled them not a little even though with all the cunning +which the habit engenders he sought to hide his weakness. + +One day, late in November, an unexpected incident brought matters +to a crisis. An experienced medical acquaintance, while making a +call upon the firm, caught sight of Mr. Jocelyn, and his practiced +eye detected the trouble at once. + +"That man is an opium-eater," he said in a low tone, and +his explanation of the effects of the drug was a diagnosis of Mr. +Jocelyn's symptoms and appearance. The firm's sympathy for a man +seemingly in poor health was transformed into disgust and antipathy, +since there is less popular toleration of this weakness than of +drinking habits. The very obscurity in which the vice is involved +makes it seem all the more unnatural and repulsive, and it must +be admitted that the fullest knowledge tends only to increase this +horror and repugnance, even though pity is awakened for the wretched +victim. + +But Mr. Jocelyn's employers had little knowledge of the vice, and +they were not in the least inclined to pity. They felt that they +had been imposed upon, and that too at a time when all business +men were very restless under useless expenditure. It was the man's +fault and not misfortune that he had failed so signally in securing +trade from the South, and, while they had paid him but a small +salary, his ill-directed and wavering efforts had involved them in +considerable expense. Asking the physician to remain, they summoned +Mr. Jocelyn to the private office, and directly charged him with +the excessive and habitual use of opium. + +The poor man was at first greatly confused, and trembled as if +in an ague fit, for his nerve power was already so shattered that +he had little self-control in an emergency. This, of course, was +confirmation of guilt in their eyes. + +"Gentlemen, you do me a great wrong," he managed to say, and +hastily left the office. Having secreted himself from observation +he snatched out his hypodermic syringe, and within six minutes +felt himself equal to any crisis. Boldly returning to the office +he denied the charge in the most explicit terms, and with some show +of lofty indignation. The physician who was still present watched +him closely, and noticed that the cuff on his left hand was somewhat +crumpled, as if it had been recently pushed back. Without a word +he seized Mr. Jocelyn's arm and pulled back his coat and shirt +sleeve, revealing a bright red puncture just made, and many others +of a remoter date. + +"There is no use in lying about such matters to me," said the +physician. "How much morphia did you inject into your arm since +you left us?" + +"I am a victim of neuralgia," Mr. Jocelyn began, without any +hesitation, "and the cruel and unreasonable charge here made against +me brought on an acute paroxysm, and therefore I--" + +"Stop that nonsense," interrupted the doctor, roughly. "Don't you +know that lying, when lying is of no use, is one of the characteristic +traits of an opium-eater? I am a physician, and have seen too +many cases to be deceived a moment. You have all the symptoms of +a confirmed morphia consumer, and if you ever wish to break your +chains you had better tell doctors the truth and put yourself under +the charge of one in whom you have confidence." + +"Well, curse you!" said Mr. Jocelyn savagely, "it was through one +of your damnable fraternity that I acquired what you are pleased +to call my chains, and now you come croaking to my employers, +poisoning their minds against me." + +"Oh, as to poisoning," remarked the physician sarcastically, "I'll +wager a thousand dollars that you have absorbed enough morphia +within the last twenty-four hours to kill every one in this office. +At the rate you are going on, as far as I can judge from appearances, +you will soon poison yourself out of existence. No physician ever +advised the destroying vice you are practicing, and no physician +would take offence at your words any more than at the half-demented +ravings of a fever patient. You are in a very critical condition, +sir, and unless you can wake up to the truth and put forth more +will-power than most men possess you will soon go to the bad." + +"I sincerely hope you will take this experienced physician's +advice," said the senior member of the firm very coldly. "At any +rate we can no longer permit you to jeopardize our interests by +your folly and weakness. The cashier will settle with you, and our +relations end here and now." + +"You will bitterly repent of this injustice," Mr. Jocelyn replied +haughtily. "You are discharging a man of unusual business capacity--one +whose acquaintance with the South is wellnigh universal, and whose +combinations were on the eve of securing enormous returns." + +"We will forego all these advantages. Good-morning, sir. Did you +ever see such effrontery?" he continued, after Mr. Jocelyn had +departed with a lofty and contemptuous air. + +"It's not effrontery--it's opium," said the physician sadly. "You +should see the abject misery of the poor wretch after the effects +of the drug have subsided." + +"I have no wish to see him again under any aspect, and heartily +thank you for unmasking him. We must look at once into our affairs, +and see how much mischief he has done. If he wants the aid and +respect of decent men, let him give up his vile practice." + +"That's easier said than done," the physician replied. "Very few +ever give it up who have gone as far as this man." + + + + +CHAPTER XXVII + +A SLAVE + + +The physician was right. A more abject and pitiable spectacle than +Mr. Jocelyn could scarcely have been found among the miserable +unfortunates of a city noted for its extremes in varied condition. +Even in his false excitement he was dimly aware that he was facing +a dreadful emergency, and following an instinctive desire for +solitude so characteristic of those in his condition, he took a +room in an obscure hotel and gave himself up to thoughts that grew +more and more painful as the unnatural dreams inspired by opium +shaped themselves gradually into accord with the actualities of +his life. + +For a month or two past he had been swept almost unresistingly down +the darkening and deepening current of his sin. Whenever he made +some feeble, vacillating effort to reduce his allowance of the +drug, he became so wretched, irritable, and unnatural in manner +that his family were full of perplexed wonder and solicitude. To +hide his weakness from his wife was his supreme desire; and yet, +if he stopped--were this possible--the whole wretched truth would +be revealed. Each day he had been tormented with the feeling that +something must be done, and yet nothing had been done. He had only +sunk deeper and deeper, as with the resistless force of gravitation. + +His vague hope, his baseless dream that something would occur +which would make reform easier or the future clearer, had now been +dissipated utterly, and every moment with more terrible distinctness +revealed to him the truth that he had lost his manhood. The vice +was already stamped on his face and manner, so that an experienced +eye could detect it at, once; soon all would see the degrading +brand. He, who had once been the soul of honor and truth, had lied +that day again and again, and the thought pierced him like a sword. + +And now, after his useless falsehoods, what should he do? He was +no longer unacquainted with his condition--few opium victims are, +at his advanced stage of the habit--and he knew well how long and +terrible would be the ordeal of a radical cure, even if he had the +will-power to attempt it. He had, of late, taken pains to inform +himself of the experience of others who had passed down the same +dark, slippery path, and when he tried to diminish instead of +increasing his doses of morphia, he had received fearful warnings +of the awful chasm that intervened between himself and safety. + +A few opium consumers can go on for years in comparative tranquillity +if they will avoid too great excess, and carefully increase their +daily allowance so as not to exhibit too marked alternations of +elation and depression. Now and then, persons of peculiar constitution +can maintain the practice a long time without great physical or +moral deterioration; but no habitue can stop without sufferings +prolonged and more painful than can be described. Sooner or later, +even those natures which offer the strongest resistance to the +ravages of the poison succumb, and pass hopelessly to the same +destruction. Mr. Jocelyn's sanguine, impulsive temperament had little +capacity for resistance to begin with, and he had during the last +year used the drug freely and constantly, thus making downward +advances in months that in some instances require years of moderate +indulgence. Moreover, as with alcohol, many natures have an unusual +and morbid craving for opium after once acquiring the habit of its +use. Their appetite demands it with an imperiousness which will not +be denied, even while in soul they recoil and loathe the bondage. +This was especially true of Mr. Jocelyn. The vice in his case was +wrecking a mind and heart naturally noble and abounding in the +best impulses. He was conscious, too, of this demoralization, and +suffered almost as greatly as would a true, pure woman, if, by some +fatal necessity, she were compelled to live a life of crime. + +He had already begun to shrink from the companionship of his family. +The play and voices of his little children jarred his shattered +nerves almost beyond endurance; and every look of love and act of +trust became a stinging irritant instead of the grateful incense that +had once filled his home with perfume. In bitter self-condemnation +he saw that he was ceasing to be a protector to his daughters, and +that unless he could break the dark, self-woven spells he would drag +them down to the depths of poverty, and then leave them exposed to +the peculiar temptations which, in a great city, ever assail girls +so young, beautiful, and friendless. Mildred, he believed, would +die rather than sin; but he often groaned in spirit as he thought +of Belle. Their considerate self-denial that he might not be disturbed +after his return from business, and their looks of solicitude, +pierced him daily with increasing torture; and the knowledge that +he added to the monotony of their lives and the irksomeness of their +poverty oppressed him with a dejection that was relieved only by +the cause of all his troubles. + +But the thought of his loving, trusting, patient wife was the most +unendurable of all. He had loved her from the first as his own +soul, and her love and respect were absolutely essential to him, +and yet he was beginning to recoil from her with a strange and +unnatural force. He felt that he had no right to touch her while +she remained so true and he was so false. He dreaded her loving +gaze more than a detective's cold, searching eye. He had already +deceived her in regard to the marks of the hypodermic needle, assuring +her that they were caused by a slight impurity in his blood, and +she never questioned anything he said. He often lay awake through +interminable nights--the drug was fast losing its power to produce +quiet sleep--trembling and cold with apprehension of the hour when +she would become aware that her husband was no longer a man, but +the most degraded of slaves. She might learn that she was leaning, +not even on a frail reed, but on a poisoned weapon that would +pierce her heart. It seemed to him that he would rather die than +meet that hour when into her gentle eyes would come the horror of +the discovery, and in fact the oft-recurring thought of it all had +caused more pain than a hundred deaths. + +Could he go home now and reveal his degradation? Great drops of cold +perspiration drenched him at the bare thought. The icy waters, the +ooze and mud of the river seemed preferable. He could not openly +continue his vice in the presence of his family, nor could he conceal +it much longer, and the attempt to stop the drug, even gradually, +would transform him almost into a demon of irritability and perhaps +violence, so frightful is the rebellion of the physical nature +against the abstinence essential to a final cure. + +At last he matured and carried out the following plan: Returning +to the firm that had employed him, he told them of his purpose to +go South among his old acquaintances and begin life anew, and of +his belief that a sea voyage and change of scene would enable him +to break the habit; and he so worked upon their sympathies that +they promised to say nothing of his weakness, and not to let the +past stand in his way if he would redeem himself. + +Then fortifying his nerves carefully with morphia he went home and +broached the project to his wife and Mildred, plausibly advancing +the idea that the change might restore his failing health. To his +relief they did not oppose his scheme, for indeed they felt that +something must be done speedily to arrest his decline; and although +the separation would be hard for the wife to endure, and would become +a source of increased anxiety for a time, it was much better than +seeing him fail so steadily before her eyes. His plan promised +improvement in their fortunes and cure of the mysterious disease +that was slowly sapping his life. Therefore she tearfully consented +that he should go, and if the way opened favorably it was decided +that the family should follow him. + +The only question now was to raise the money required; and to +accomplish this they sold the household effects still in storage, +and Mildred, without a word, disposed of the most of her jewelry +and brought the proceeds to her father; for the gold and gems worn +in days that accorded with their lustre were as nothing to her +compared with her father's life and health. + +"I would turn my blood into gold if I could, father," she said, +with swimming eyes, "if it would only make you well and strong as +you once were." + +The man's hand so trembled that he could scarcely receive the +money. When by himself he groaned, "Oh, how awful and deep will be +the curse of God if I turn this money against her by using it for +the damnedest poison the devil ever brewed!" and he wrapped it up +separately with a shudder. + +A few days later, with many tears and clinging embraces, they parted +with him, his wife whispering in his ear at the last moment, "Martin, +my every breath will be a prayer for your safety and health." + +Under the influence of the powerful emotions inspired by this +last interview he threw his hypodermic syringe and morphia bottle +overboard from the deck of the steamer, saying, with a desperate +resolution which only an opium slave could understand, "I'll break +the habit for one week if I die for it," and he sailed away into +what seemed a region of unimaginable horrors, dying ten thousand +deaths in the indescribable anguish of his mind and body. The winter +storm that soon overtook the ship was magnified by his disordered +intellect until its uproar was appalling in the last degree. +The people on the vessel thought him demented, and for a few days +the captain kept him under a continuous guard, and considerately +suppressed the cause of his behavior, that was soon revealed by +requests for opium that were sometimes pitiful pleadings and again +irritable demands. He soon passed into a condition approaching +collapse, vomiting incessantly, and insane in his wild restlessness. +Indeed he might have died had not the captain, in much doubt and +anxiety, administered doses of laudanum which, in his inexperience, +were appalling in their amount. + +At last, more dead than alive, with racking pains, shiverings and +exhaustion from prolonged insomnia, he was taken ashore in a Southern +city and a physician summoned, who, with a promptness characteristic +of the profession, administered a preparation of morphia, and the +old fatal spell was renewed at once. The vitiated system that for +days had been largely deprived of its support seized upon the drug +again with a craving as irresistible as the downward rush of a +torrent. The man could no more control his appetite than he could +an Atlantic tide. It overwhelmed his enervated will at once, and now +that morphine could be obtained he would have it at any and every +cost. Of course he seemingly improved rapidly under its influence, +and cunningly disguising his condition from the physician, soon +dismissed him and resumed his old habits. He felt that it was +impossible to endure the horrors of total abstinence, and, now +that he was no longer under the observation of his family, he again +tried to satisfy his conscience by promising himself that he would +gradually reduce the amount used until he could discontinue it +utterly--delusive hope, that has mocked thousands like himself. If +he could have gone to an asylum and surrounded his infirm will by +every possible safeguard, he might have been carried through the +inevitable period of horrible depression; but even then the habit +had become so confirmed that his chances would have been problematical, +for experience sadly proves that confirmed opium-consumers are ever +in danger of a relapse. + + + + +CHAPTER XXVIII + +NEW YORK'S HUMANITY + + +Mrs. Jocelyn drooped in her husband's absence, for every year had +increased her sense of dependence. She felt somewhat like one who +is drifting on a wreck. If the sea would only remain calm, all might +be well; but the sea never is at rest very long, and if storms, +dangers, and emergencies occurred what would she do? + +Each day that passed without word from her husband grew longer, +and when at last a letter came it was vague and unsatisfactory. +He hoped he was better; he hoped to find a foothold; and then came +again several days of silence which were almost as oppressive to +Mildred as to herself. + +Meanwhile their funds were failing fast, and they both felt that +they ought not to sell anything else for mere living expenses. +More critical emergencies might arise and find them destitute. If +Mr. Jocelyn should become seriously ill in the South, they must be +in a position to have him cared for and brought home. Mildred with +extreme reluctance was compelled to face the necessity of giving +up her studies so that she might earn something at once. She had +about decided to reveal her troubles to Miss Wetheridge, when a +hasty note from her friend swept away all immediate chance of aid +in that direction. "The gentleman to whom I was soon to be married," +she wrote, "has not been strong for a year past, and a few days +since he was taken with a hemorrhage from his lungs. His physician +ordered him to go immediately to Nassau. In accordance with our +mutual wishes we were married quietly in the presence of a few +relatives, and by the time this note reaches you we shall be on our +way to the South. My heart is burdened with anxiety, and my hourly +prayer is that God will spare the life of one so dear to me. I wish +I could see you before I sail, but it is impossible. I have had to +leave almost everything undone. Write me often." + +This note threw Mildred on her own resources. She felt that Mr. +Wentworth could do little for her beyond certifying to her character, +for he was the pastor of a congregation of which a large proportion +were as poor as herself. There was naught to do but go to work like +the others in uncomplaining silence and earn her bread. + +One evening she learned from Belle that the increased trade incident +to the approaching holiday season had rendered more help necessary, +and that one large shop on Sixth Avenue had already made known +this need. When the doors opened the following morning, Mildred +was among the crowd of applicants, and her appearance was so much +in her favor that she was engaged at once on a salary of six dollars +a week. Only immediate necessity could have induced her to take +this step, for she justly doubted her ability to endure the strain +of standing continuously. The shop, however, was full of girls as +frail-looking as herself, and it was the only certainty of support +within her reach. Her mother cried bitterly over the step, and +she, also, could not hide a few tears, brave as she tried to be; +but she said resolutely, "I'm no better than hundreds of others, +and if they can endure it I can and will, for a while at least." + +The first day was one that she never forgot. The bright sun and +clear, bracing atmosphere brought out crowds of shoppers, but the +air of the store soon became vitiated, hot, and lifeless. In this +close, stifling place she was compelled to stand, elbowed by other +girls who were strangers to her, and too busy or too indifferent +to aid materially her inexperienced efforts to learn her duties. +She made blunders, for which she was scolded; she grew bewildered +and faint, and when the few moments of nooning came she could not +eat the lunch her mother had prepared. If she could only have had +a cup of strong coffee she might have got through the day; but her +employers were much too thrifty to furnish such a luxury, and she +was too tired, and the time allotted her much too brief to permit +its quest. Therefore she tried to rest a little from the intolerable +fatigue and pain of standing, and to collect her thoughts. + +The afternoon crush of customers was greater even than that which +had crowded the counters in the morning, and she grew more and +more bewildered under the confused fire of questions and orders. +If any one had had the time or heart to observe, there would have +been seen in her eyes the pathetic, fearful look of some timid +creature of the woods when harried and driven to bay by hounds. + +Suddenly everything grew black before her eyes; the piled-up goods, +the chattering throng, faded, and she sank to the floor--there was +no room for her to fall. + +When she revived she found that she had been carried to the cloak-room, +in which the girls ate their lunch, and that a woman was kneeling +beside her applying restoratives. In a few moments one of the managers +looked in and asked, in an off-hand way, "How is she getting on?" + +With the instinct of self-preservation Mildred sat up, and pleaded, +"Indeed, sir, I'm better. It was all so strange--the air was close. +I beg of you not to discharge me. I will learn soon." + +"Oh, don't be so worried," the man replied good-naturedly. "It's +nothing new to have a girl faint on the first day. You'll get used +to it by and by like the rest. Will you be well enough to walk +home, or shall I have a carriage ordered?" + +"Please don't get a carriage. It would frighten mamma terribly, +and she would not let me come back, and I MUST come, for we need +every penny I can earn." + +"Well, now, that's sensible, and you save the carriage hire also. +You're a fine-looking, plucky girl, and I'll give you a place at +the lace counter, near the door, where the air is better and the +work lighter (and where her pretty face will do us no harm," he +added mentally). + +"You are very kind, sir, and I can't tell you how much I thank +you." + +"All right, you'll get into training and do as well as the best, +so don't be discouraged," and the man had the grace or business +thrift--probably a blending of both--to send her a cup of coffee. + +She was then left to rest, and go home when she felt like it. As +early as she dared without exciting her mother's suspicions, she +crept away, almost as the wounded slowly and painfully leave a +field of battle. Her temples still throbbed; in all her body there +was a slight muscular tremor, or beating sensation, and her step +faltered from weakness. To her delicate organization, already +reduced by anxiety, sedentary life, and prolonged mental effort, +the strain and nervous shock of that day's experiences had been +severe indeed. + +To hide the truth from her despondent mother was now her chief hope +and aim. Her fatigue she would not attempt to disguise, for that +would be unnatural. It was with difficulty she climbed the one flight +of stairs that led to their room, but her wan face was smiling as +she pushed open the door and kissed her mother in greeting. Then +throwing herself on the lounge she cried gayly, "Come, little +mother, give me an old maid's panacea for every ill of life--a cup +of strong tea." + +"Millie," cried Mrs. Jocelyn, bending over her with moist eyes, +"you look pale and gone--like--" + +"Oh no, mamma, I'm here--a good hundred and ten pounds of me, more +or less." + +"But how did you get through the day?" + +"You will hardly believe it," was the reassuring reply; "I've been +promoted already from work that was hard and coarse to the lace +counter, which is near the door, where one can breathe a little +pure air. If the goods were as second-hand as the air they would +not have a customer. But come, mamma dear, I'm too tired to talk, +and would rather eat, and especially drink. These surely are good +symptoms." + +"Millie, you are a soldier, as we used to say during the war," +said Mrs. Jocelyn, hastening the preparations for supper; "but you +cannot deceive a mother's eyes. You are more exhausted than you +even realize yourself. Oh, I do wish there was some other way. I'd +give all the world if I had Mrs. Wheaton's stout red arms, for I'd +rather wash all day and half the night than see you and Belle so +burdened early in life." + +"I wouldn't have my beautiful mamma changed even by one gray hair," +was the very natural response. + +Belle nearly rendered futile all of Mildred's efforts to hide the +worst from her mother; for, after her duties were over, she went +eagerly to the shop where she expected to find her sister. Having +learned that Miss Jocelyn had fainted and had gone home some time +in the afternoon, she sped almost breathlessly after her, and burst +into the room with the words, "Millie! Millie!" + +Fortunately Mrs. Jocelyn was busy over the stove at the moment +and did not see Mildred's strong cautionary gesture; but Belle's +perceptions were almost instantaneous, and with one significant +glance of her dark eyes she entered into the loving conspiracy. + +"What is it, Belle?" was Mrs. Jocelyn's anxious query. + +"I'm wild to know how Millie has got on the first day, and whether +she has a big fight on her hands as I had. If she has, I declare +war, too, against all the powers and principalities--not of the +air, for there wasn't a breath of it in our store to-day. We've +had a crush, and I'm half dead from trying to do two days' work in +one. Ten minutes for lunch. Scores of cross customers all wanting +to be waited on at once, and the floor-walkers flying around like +hens bereft of heads, which, after all, are never of much use to +either. In spite of all, here we are, mamma, ready for a cup of +your good tea and other fixin's. Now, Millie, it's your turn. I've +let off enough steam to be safe till after supper. Have you made +cruel enemies to-day, from whom you desire my protection?" + +"No, Belle," said Mildred, laughing; "I haven't your force and +brilliancy, and have made but a humdrum beginning. I was so stupid +at one counter that they transferred me to another, and I'm glad +of it, for laces are pretty, and taking care of them wouldn't seem +like drudgery at all. Best of all, it's near the door, and every +customer will give me a sustaining breath." + +"Millie is standing it capitally for a beginner," Belle remarked, +with the air of a veteran, as Mildred eagerly drank her cup of tea +and asked for more. "I was so tired the first night that it seemed +as if I could scarcely swallow a mouthful." + +Thus they carried out the little ruse, careful not to exaggerate, +for Mrs. Jocelyn's intuitions were quick. + +As it was she looked at her child with many misgivings, but she +tried for their sakes to be cheerful, and praised the courage and +spirit of both the girls, assuring them that they showed their true +Southern blood, and that they reminded her of their father when, +during his brief visits, he talked over the long, hard campaigns. + +At last they were in the privacy of their own room, and Mildred, as +if she were the weaker and younger, buried her face on her sister's +shoulder and sobbed despairingly, "Oh, Belle, you are the stronger. +I fear I can't stand it at all. I've suffered more to-day than +in all my life, and my feet and back still ache--oh, I can't tell +you." + +The child soothed and comforted her, and said she had suffered just +the same at first, and often still she felt that if she could not +sit down for a few moments she would drop down; "but there, Millie," +she concluded, with the best philosophy the case admitted of, "you +get used to it gradually--you can get used to anything." + +"I don't believe I can," was the dejected reply, "and yet I must, +if we would have shelter and bread. Oh that we might hear some good +news from papa! Why don't he write oftener? I fear it is because +he has nothing cheering to tell us." + +The next morning, in spite of all effort, Mildred was too ill and +lame to rise, but she instructed Belie to assure her employer that +she would come the following day. + +Mrs. Jocelyn tried hard to persuade her not to go back at all, and +at last Mildred grew a little stern and said emphatically, "Please +say no more, mamma. We can afford none of this weak nonsense. I +must earn my bread, as do other girls, and have no time to lose." + +The following day, fortunately, was so stormy that customers were +scattering, and Mildred had a chance to gain an idea of her duties +and to rest a little from time to time, for out of consideration of +the facts that she had been ill and was a beginner, she was permitted +to sit down occasionally. She was so attractive in appearance, and +had brought such an excellent certificate of character, that the +proprietors were inclined to be lenient, and smooth a little the +harsh and thorny path of a beginner. + +And so the weary days dragged on, and she slowly acquired the power +to stand as did the others. They were days, however, which ended +in a close approach to agony, from which the nights brought but +slight and temporary relief, for so great was the pain in her feet +and back that she would moan even in her sleep. Her sufferings were +scarcely less than at first, but, as Belle said, she was "getting +used" to them. + +It is a well-known fact that many would persist in living in spite +of all the tortures of the Inquisition. I wonder if the old-time +inquisitors and their "familiars" were ingenious enough to compel +delicate women to stand and talk all day, and sometimes part of +the night? + +In very truth, the poor girl was earning her bread by torture, and +she soon found that she had many companions in suffering who, with +woman's capacity for the patient endurance of pain, made the best +of their lot, often trying to forget themselves in jests, laughter, +and gossip, planning, meanwhile, in odd moments, for some snatch at +the few pleasures that their brief evenings permitted--pleasures, +too often, in which Mildred could or would take no part. While her +gentleness and courtesy to all gave no cause for hostility, her +air of quiet aloofness and her recognized superiority prevented +her from becoming a favorite, nor did the many admiring looks and +even open advances that she received from the young men in the +store, and occasionally from customers, add to her popularity. The +male clerks soon found, however, that beyond the line warranted by +their mutual duties she was utterly unapproachable, and not a few +of them united in the view held by the girls, that she was "stuck +up"; but since she was not in the least above her business, no one +could complain openly. + +As one long, exceedingly busy and weary day was drawing to a close, +however, she received a sharp reprimand. A gentleman had agreed +to meet his wife at the shop as he came up town, in order that +they might together make provision for Christmas. The lady having +nearly accomplished her round, and having proved herself a liberal +purchaser, she was naturally accompanied toward the door by a very +amiable foreman, who was profuse in his thanks. Suddenly it occurred +to her that she would look at the laces, and she approached Mildred, +who, in a momentary respite, was leaning back against the shelves +with closed eyes, weary beyond all words of description. + +"Will you please wake that young woman up," the lady remarked, a +little sharply. + +This the foreman did, in a way that brought what little blood the +poor girl had left into her face. The shopper sat down on the plush +seat before the counter, and was soon absorbed in the enticing wares, +while her husband stood beside her and stole sidelong glances at +the weary but beautiful face of the saleswoman. + +"Jupiter Ammon," he soliloquized mentally, "but she is pretty! +If that flush would only last, she'd be beautiful; but she's too +pale and fagged for that--out to a ball last night, I imagine. She +don't even notice that a man's admiring her--proof, indeed, that +she must have danced till near morning, if not worse. What lives +these girls lead, if half the stories are true! I'd like to see that +one rested, fresh, and becomingly dressed. She'd make a sensation +in a Fifth Avenue drawing-room if she had the sense to keep her +mouth shut, and not show her ignorance and underbreeding." + +But he was growing impatient, and at last said, "Oh, come, my dear, +you've bought enough to break me already. We'll be late for dinner." + +The lady rose reluctantly, and remarked, "Well, I think I'll come +and look at these another day," and they were bowed out of the +door. + +"You must be more alert," said the foreman, imperatively, to Mildred. +"These people are among the best and wealthiest in town." + +"I'll try," was the meek answer. + +The gentleman had hardly reached the sidewalk, however, before +all his chivalry and indignation were aroused. Under the press of +Christmas times a drayman had overloaded his cart, and the horse was +protesting in his dumb way by refusing to budge an inch; meanwhile +the owner proved himself scarcely equal to the animal he drove by +furious blows and curses, which were made all the more reckless by +his recent indulgence in liquor. + +The poor beast soon found many champions, and foremost among them +was the critic of the weary shop-girl, who had suffered more that +day than the horse was capable of suffering in his lifetime. The +distinguished citizen, justly irate, I grant, sent his wife home +in their carriage, and declared that he would neither eat nor sleep +until he had seen the brute--the drayman, not the horse--arrested +and looked up, and he kept his word. + +Much later, the wronged and tortured human creature of whom he had +surmised evil, and on whom he had bestowed at best only a little +cynical admiration, crept home with steps that faltered, burdened +with a heaviness of heart and a weariness of body which could be +measured only by the pitiful eye of Him who carries the world's +sins and sorrows. + +The rescued horse munched his oats in stolid tranquillity, the woman +raised to heaven her eyes, beneath which were dark, dark lines, +and murmured, "O God, how long?" + + + + +CHAPTER XXIX + +THE BEATITUDES OF OPIUM + + +At least once each week Roger took Belle to some evening entertainment, +selecting places that, while innocent, were in keeping with their +years--full of color, life, and interest. The young girl improved +at once, as the result of this moderate gratification of a craving +that was as proper as it was natural. The sense of being restricted +and arbitrarily shut away from the pleasures belonging to her youth +no longer worked like a subtle and evil ferment in her mind. The +repressed and unhappy are in tenfold more danger from temptation +than those who feel they are having their share of life's good. +The stream that cannot flow in the sunshine seeks a subterranean +channel, and in like manner when circumstances, or the inconsiderate +will of others, impose unrelenting restraint upon the exuberant +spirit of youth, it usually finds some hidden outlet which cannot +bear the light. Until Roger came, circumstances had restricted +Belle within such a narrow and colorless life, and she was growing +very discontented with her lot--a dangerous tendency. Through all +this long ordeal her mother and Mildred had retained her sympathy, +for she knew that they were not to blame, and that they were right in +protesting against all acquaintances and amusements which involved +danger. Now that she and Roger occasionally had a merry time +together, and a confidential chat on Sunday, she accepted her long +days of toil without complaint. + +The wholesome and tonic influence of a few hours of positive and +unalloyed enjoyment in a busy or burdened life is properly estimated +by a very few. Multitudes would preach better, live better, do more +work and die much later, could they find some innocent recreation +to which they could often give themselves up with something of the +wholehearted abandon of a child. + +Belle now had pleasures to look forward to, or some bright scene to +live over again, and, were it not for her sympathy for her sister +and anxiety on her father's behalf, her brow would have been serene. + +To Mildred, however, the days were growing darker and the way more +thorny. She was gaining only in the power of endurance; she was +unconsciously developing the trait that bade fair to become the +keynote of her life--fidelity. It was her absolute loyalty to her +long-cherished love that prevented her from accepting invitations +to go with Belle and Roger. Through all disguises she saw that the +latter was a lover and not a friend, and while she had learned to +respect him much more, she shrank from him none the less. True, +therefore, to her womanly instincts, and pathetically patient with +a life full of pain and weariness, she faltered on toward a future +that seemed to promise less and less. Roger did not need to be +told by Belle of Mildred's burdened life, although the young girl +did speak of it often with sad and indignant emphasis. "Beautiful +Millie, who would grace the finest house in the city," she said, +"is as much out of place in this life as if a gazelle were made to +do the work of a cart-horse. It's just killing her." + +"It's not the work that's harming her so much as the accursed +brutality which permits more cruelty to white women than was ever +inflicted on black slaves. If the shopkeepers owned these girls +who serve their counters they would provide them seats instantly, +on the same principle that some of your Southern people, who had +no humanity, cared well for their human property; but these fellows +know that when a girl breaks down they can take their pick from +twenty applicants the next morning. If I could scalp a few of these +woman-murderers, I'd sleep better to-night. Oh, Belle, Belle, ii you +knew how it hurts me to see such advantage taken of Miss Mildred! +I sometimes walk the streets for hours chafing and raging about +it, and yet any expression of my sympathy would only add to her +distress. You must never speak to her of me, Belle, except in a +casual way, when you cannot help it, for only as I keep aloof, even +from her thoughts, can she tolerate me at all." + +"Be patient, Roger. Millie is unlike many girls, and wants only +one lover. Now I'd like half a dozen, more or less, generally more. +She's too infatuated with that weakling, Vinton Arnold, to care for +any one else. And to think he hasn't sent her one reassuring word +since last summer! There isn't enough of him to cast a shadow. +Catch me moping after such a dim outline of a man! But it's just +like Millie. If he'd only vanish into thin air she might give him +up, and perhaps he has." + +"No, he's in Europe, and has been there ever since he left the hotel +at Forestville. I learned the fact the other day. He's living in +luxury and idleness, while the girl who loves him is earning her +bread in a way that's infernal in its cruelty." + +"How did you find that out?" Belle asked quickly. + +"It was in no mean or underhand way, and no knowledge of my inquiries +will ever reach him. I thought she'd like to know, however, and you +can tell her, but give her no hint of the source of your information." + +"Who told you?" was Mildred's prompt response to Belle's news that +night, while a sudden bloom in her pale face showed how deeply the +tidings interested her. + +"No matter how I learned the fact," replied Belle a little brusquely; +'it's true. He wouldn't lift his little finger to keep you from +starving." + +"You wrong him," cried Mildred passionately; "and I don't wish +you ever to speak of him again. I know who told you: it was Roger +Atwood, and I wish he would leave me and my affairs alone. He is +singularly stupid and ill-bred to meddle in such a matter." + +"He has not meddled," retorted Belle indignantly, and wholly off +her guard; "he thought you might like to know the truth, and he +learned it in a way that left no trace. When you are in the streets +you are always looking for Mr. Arnold (it's a pity he wasn't doing +a little looking, too), and now your mind can be at ease. He isn't +sick or dead; he's entirely safe and having a good time, faring +sumptuously every day, while you are dying by inches for little +more than bread and a nook in a tenement-house. I don't care what +you say, I detest such a man." + +Mildred's overtaxed nerves gave way at Belle's harsh and prosaic +words, and throwing herself on her couch she sobbed so bitterly that +the inconsiderate child, in deep compunction, coaxed and pleaded +with her not "to take it so hard," and ended by crying in sympathy, +almost as heartily as Mildred herself. The latter was completely +disarmed of her anger by Belle's feelings, and, indeed, as she came +to think it all over, it did not seem so like desertion on Arnold's +part, since he might have written from Europe and the letter have +failed to reach her. That he should have been in New York all +this time and have made no effort to find her would seem heartless +indeed. At any rate, with her rare fidelity and faith, she would +believe nothing against him without absolute proof. + +But of Roger Atwood she thought resentfully, "He reads my very +thoughts. He has seen me looking for Vinton half-unconsciously when +in the streets. He keeps himself in the background, and no doubt +thinks himself very distant and considerate; but I can scarcely turn +in any direction but I see his shadow, or meet with some indication +that he is watching and waiting." + +There was more truth in her words than she half suspected. His duties +required that he should be down town very early in the morning, +but he was usually released in the afternoon, for his uncle tacitly +humored his desire for study. Scarcely an evening elapsed that the +young man did not pass and repass the shop in which Mildred was +employed, for through the lighted windows he could see the object +of his thoughts unobserved, and not infrequently he followed her +as she wearily returned homeward, and his heart ached with the +impotent desire to lighten the burdens of her life. He feared that +she would never accept of his watchful care or thank him for it; +but love is its own reward, and impels to action that does not well +stand the test of the world's prosaic judgment. Beyond this brief +and furtive gratification of his passion, he lost no time in sighing +or sentiment, but bent his mind to his tasks with such well-directed +and persistent energy that the commission merchant occasionally +nodded significantly; for, in accordance with his habit, he took +counsel of no one except himself. + +It was Roger's hope that, eventually, Mildred, for her own sake, +could be persuaded to accompany Belle on some of their pursuits +of evening recreation, and he suggested that the latter should +persistently try to induce her to go, saying that her health and +success in the future required more change and cheerfulness; but +Mildred always said "No," with a quiet emphasis which admitted of +no argument. + +In truth, when evening came she was too weary to go with him or +with any one else, and the first Sunday after her duties at the shop +began she could not be present at the chapel and meet her class. + +Mr. Wentworth called, fearing she was ill. She explained in part, and +he was quick to understand. His brow darkened in such a frown that +the poor girl grew frightened, and began: "Indeed, Mr. Wentworth, +do not judge me harshly, or think that I let a trifle keep me--" + +Then he awakened to her misapprehension, and coming directly to +her side he took her hand, with a face so kind, so full of deep, +strong sympathy, that her eyes filled at once. + +"My poor child," he said, "could you imagine I was frowning at +you?--brave little soldier that you are, braver and stronger in your +way and place than I in mine. God bless you, no. I felt savage to +think that in this nineteenth century, and right under the shadow +of our church spires, this diabolical cruelty is permitted to go +on year after year. Oh, I know all about it, Miss Mildred; you are +not the first one by hundreds and hundreds. I wish I could give you +more than sympathy, and that some other way would open--we must +find some other way for you--but you have no idea how many are +worse off in these bad times than you are--worthy people who are +willing to work, but cannot get work. If it seems to you that I +cannot do very much for you, remember that there are scores who, +for the time, seem to have no resources at all. I trust you may +soon hear such tidings from your father as will bring relief to +both body and mind. And now, my child, don't let a morbid conscience +add to your burdens. When you are as greatly in need of rest as you +were last Sunday, don't come to the chapel. I'll take your class, +or find a substitute." + +In a few minutes he was gone; but they were not alone, for he had +made them conscious of One who is touched with the feeling of our +infirmities. + +How was the absent husband and father fulfilling the hopes that +daily turned to him, but found no reward? He was literally writhing +under chains that, to his horror, he could not break. He had found +on shipboard that sudden and complete abstinence irom the drug +brought a torture of mind and body that he could not endure, and +now he was learning, in sickening fear, that he could not gradually +reduce his daily allowance below a certain point without immediate +sufferings beyond his fortitude to sustain. + +The room in the Inquisition, whose circular walls, studded with +long, sharp spikes, gradually closed upon and pierced the victim, +had its spiritual counterpart in his present condition. He was shut +in on every side. If he made a push for liberty by abstaining from +the drug, he was met and driven back by many nameless agonies. He +seemed to recoil, inevitably, as if from steel barbs. Meanwhile +the walls were closing in upon him. In order to prevent life from +being a continuous burden, in order to maintain even the semblance +of strength and manhood, so that he might have some chance of finding +employment, he had to increase the quantity of morphia daily; but +each succeeding indulgence brought nearer the hour when the drug +would produce pain--pain only, and death. After a week or two of +futile and spasmodic effort he drifted on in the old way, occasionally +suffering untold agony in remorse and self-loathing, but stifling +conscience, memory, and reason, as far as possible, by continuous +stimulation. + +His quest of employment was naturally unsuccessful. The South was +impoverished. Weak from the wounds of war, and the deeper enervation +of a system that had poisoned her life for generations, she had +not yet begun to rally. There was not enough business in the city +for the slow and nerveless hands of its citizens, therefore there +was little prospect for a new-comer, unless he had the capital and +energy to create activity in the midst of stagnation. A few were +slightly imposed upon at first by Mr. Jocelyn's exalted moods, +and believed that he might do great things if he were given the +chance; but they soon recognized that he was unsound and visionary, +broaching plans and projects that varied widely with each succeeding +interview. The greater number of his former friends and acquaintances +were scattered or dead, and those who remembered him had their hands +too full to do more than say a good word for him--saying it, too, +more and more faintly as they saw how broken and untrustworthy he +was. The story of his behavior on the ship, and correct surmises +of the true cause of his manner and appearance, soon became current +in business circles, and the half-pitying, half-contemptuous manner +of those with whom he came in contact at last made it clear, even +to his clouded mind, that further effort would be utterly useless. + +Meanwhile his habit now began to inflict a punishment that often +seemed beyond endurance. The increased quantities of morphia with +which he sought to sustain himself, combined with his anxiety, +remorse, and solicitude for his family and his own future, filled +the hours of darkness with one long nightmare of horror. His +half-sleeping visions were more vivid and real than the scenes of +day. From some harrowing illusion he would start up with a groan +or cry, only to relapse a few moments later into an apparent +situation more appalling and desperate. + +The earth would open and swallow him in fathomless darkness; then he +was on a ship caught in a maelstrom and whirled down with a speed +imaginable only by a mind as disordered and morbid as his own. +Panting, struggling, drenched with a cold perspiration, he would +struggle back into a brief and miserable consciousness. With scarcely +any respite his diseased imagination would seize him again, and now +the ship, with tattered sails and broken masts, would be becalmed +in the centre of a cyclone. All around him was the whirling tornado +from which the vessel had passed into awful silence and deceptive +peace. Although viewless, a resistless volume was circling round +him, a revolving torrent of air that might at any second make its +existence known by wrenching the ship in some direction with such +violence as to destroy it at once. When would the awful suspense +be over, and the cyclone, with a peal of thunder through the rigging, +again lay its frenzied grasp on the ill-fated ship? In unspeakable +dread he seemed to spring from the deck in the hope of ending all, +and would find himself gasping on his couch, which vice had made +a place of torture, nor rest. + +But the visions which most shook his soul were those connected with +his wife and children. He saw them starving; he saw them turned +into the street, mocked and gibed at by every passer-by. He saw +them locked up in prison-cells, under the charge of jailers that +were half brute, half fiend; he saw Fred and Minnie carried off +by an Italian padrone to a den reeking with filth, and loud with +oaths and obscenity. With a hoarse shout of rage he would spring +up to avert blows that were bruising their little forms; he saw +his wife turn her despairing eyes from heaven and curse the hour of +their union; he saw Mildred, writhing and resisting, dragged from +her home by great dark hands that were claws rather than hands; +worse than all, he saw Belle, dressed in colors that seemed woven +from stains of blood, stealing out under the cover of night with +eyes like livid coals. + +Such are the beatific visions that opium bestows, having once +enchained its victims. Little wonder that, after spending nights +upon a poisoned rack, Mr. Jocelyn was in no condition to meet his +fellow-men and win their confidence. + +The dark thought crossed his mind more than once that he had better +never return home--that, since he had lost his manhood, life had +better go too; but in these darkest and most desperate moments the +face of his wife would rise before him, and from her white lips +came the cry, "No! no! no!" with such agonized intensity that he +was restrained. + +Moreover, he had not given up hope altogether, and he determined +to return, and, unknown to his family, consult his old physician, +who had inadvertently led him into this terrible dilemma, and +adjure him to undo his work. He might aid in concealing the truth +from those from whom, of all others, the unhappy man would hide +his shame. This seemed his one last chance. + + + + +CHAPTER XXX + +THE SECRET VICE REVEALED + + +On the day preceding Christmas, late in the afternoon, Roger Atwood +boarded a steamer which had just arrived from a Southern city. +His uncle, the commission merchant, was expecting a consignment of +tropical fruits, and as the young man stood among others waiting +to see the freight clerk, he overheard one of the vessel's officers +remark, "His name is Jocelyn--so papers on his person indicate--and +he must be sent to a hospital as soon as possible." + +Advancing promptly to the speaker, Roger said, "I overheard your +remark, sir, and think I know the gentleman to whom you refer. If +I am right, I will take him to his family immediately." + +The officer acted with such alacrity as to prove that he was very +glad to get the sick man off his hands, and Roger noted the fact. +A moment later he saw Martin Jocelyn, sadly changed for the worse, +and lying unconscious in a berth. + +"I am right, I am very sorry to say," Roger said, after a moment, +with a long, deep breath. "This will be a terrible shock to his +family." + +"Do you think he is dying?" the officer asked. + +"I don't know. I will bring a physician and take Mr. Jocelyn home +on one condition--that our consignment of produce is delivered at +once. I must be absent, and my employer's interests must not suffer +in consequence. I am doing you a favor, and you must return it just +as promptly." + +The freight clerk was summoned, and Roger was assured that +his uncle's consignment should take the precedence as fast as it +could be reached. The young man then hastened to find the nearest +physician, stopping a moment at his place of business to give a +hurried explanation of his course. Mr. Atwood listened in silence, +and nodded merely; but, as Roger hastened away, he muttered, "This +mixing himself up with other people's troubles isn't very shrewd, +but his making capital out of it so that my consignment will all +be delivered to-night is--well, we'll call it even. He's no fool." + +The physician was rather young and inexperienced, and he pronounced +Mr. Jocelyn's trouble to be congestion of the brain. He agreed +to go with Roger to the old mansion and do what he could for the +patient, although holding out slight hope of recovery. + +"She is learning to associate me with misfortune, and will dread my +presence as if I were a bird of ill-omen," Roger groaned mentally, +as he recalled the several miserable occasions which, in the mind +of Mildred, were inseparably connected with himself; "but some +day--SOME DAY, if I have to strive for a lifetime--she shall also +learn that it is not I who bring the trouble." + +Christmas comes at the darkest and dreariest season of the year, +making short, cold days, and longer, colder nights the holiday +season, just as He, whose birth the day commemorates, comes to +human hearts in the darkest and coldest hours of desolation. Even +in the great city there were few homes so shadowed by poverty and +sorrow that they were not brightened by some indications of the +hallowed time. The old mansion, that once may have been embowered +in evergreens, was again filled with the aromatic breath of the +forest, for Roger had commissioned a friend in the country to send +so large a supply to Belle that she was embarrassed with riches of +hemlock, laurel, and pine, which, although given away prodigally, +left enough to transform their rooms into the aspect of bowers. Since +they had not money for toys, they could make the Christmas-tide a +time of wonder and delight to Fred and Minnie in this inexpensive +way, and Mildred, who would naturally shrink from the wild mountain +home of the evergreen boughs, found in weaving and arranging them +into tasteful decorations a pleasure alloyed by only one thought--she +was indebted for it to Roger Atwood, the silent yet determined +rival of the man she loved. Though he buried his feeling in such +profound silence, and hid all manifestation so carefully that even +her intuition could not lay hold of any one thing, and say, "This +proves it," she nevertheless felt the presence of his love, and +sometimes thought she felt it all the more because of its strong +repression. It almost vexed her that he made no advances, and gave +her nothing to resent, while all the time he was seeking her with +the whole force of his will, or at least waiting for some possibility +of the future. When Belle proposed that he should help decorate their +living-room, since they, at this season, had only the remnants of +evenings to give, and were wearied, too, almost beyond the power +for extra effort, she felt that for Belle's sake she ought not +to object, and that for her own sake she could not, so scrupulous +had been the quiet, distant respect with which he had treated her. +When he came he seemed to anticipate her thoughts and to obey her +wishes in the arrangement of the greenery, even before she spoke, +so keen was his observation and quick his sympathy with her mind. + +These very facts increased her prejudice and dislike. He was too +clever, too keen-sighted and appreciative. Had he been indifferent +toward her, and not so observant, she would have soon learned to +like him and enjoy his society, for he had a bright, piquant way of +talking, and was seldom at a loss for words. In fact, he had plenty +of ideas, and was fast gaining more. One reason why Mildred shrank +from him in strengthening repulsion was because, in his absorbing +interest and his quick comprehension of her thought and feeling, +he came too near. Without intending it, and in spite of himself, +he intruded on her woman's privacy; for no matter how careful he +might be, or how guarded she was in words or manner, she felt that +he understood what was in her mind. Her natural impulse, therefore, +was to shun his presence and suppress her own individuality when +she could not escape him, for only an answering affection on her +part could make such understanding appreciation acceptable. + +Roger was not long in guessing quite accurately how he stood in +her thoughts, and he was often much depressed. As he had said to +Clara Bute, he had a downright dislike to contend against, and this +might not change with his success. And now it was his misfortune to +become associated in her mind with another painful event--perhaps +a fatal one. She might thank him sincerely for his kindness and +the trouble he had taken in their behalf, but, all the same, deep +in her heart, the old aversion would be strengthened. + +"That invertebrate, Arnold," he muttered, "represents to her +the old, happy life; I, her present life, and it's my luck always +to appear when things are at their worst. After to-night she will +shudder with apprehension whenever she sees me. What WILL become +of them if Mr. Jocelyn dies!" + +Full of forebodings and distress at the shock and sorrow impending +over those in whom he was so deeply interested, he and the physician +placed Mr. Jocelyn in a covered express wagon that was improvised +into an ambulance, and drove up town as rapidly as they dared. + +In response to a low knock Mrs. Jocelyn opened the door, and the +white, troubled face of Roger announced evil tidings before a word +was spoken. + +"My husband!" she gasped, sinking into a chair. + +The young man knelt beside her and said, "Mrs. Jocelyn, his life +may depend on your courage and fortitude." + +He had touched the right chord, and, after a momentary and +half-convulsive sob, she rose quietly, and said, "Tell me what to +do--tell me the worst." + +"I have brought him with me, and I have a physician also. I found +him on a steamer, by accident. They were about to send him to a +hospital, but I was sure you would want him brought home." + +"Oh, yes--God bless you--bring him, bring him quick." + +"Courage. Good nursing will prevent the worst." + +Roger hastened back to the patient, stopping on the way only long +enough to ask Mrs. Wheaton to go to Mrs. Jocelyn's room instantly, +and then, with the physician's aid, he carried the unconscious man +to his room, and laid him on his bed. + +"Oh, Martin! Martin!" moaned the wife, "how changed, how changed! +Oh, God! he's dying." + +"I hope not, madam," said the physician; "at any rate we must all +keep our self-possession and do our best. While there is life there +is hope." + +With dilated eyes, and almost fierce repression of all aid from +other hands, she took the clothing from the limp and wasted form. + +"He IS dying," she moaned; "see how unnatural his eyes are; the +pupils are almost gone. Oh, God! why did I let him go from me when +he was so ill!" + +"Would you not like Belle and Miss Mildred summoned at once?" Roger +asked. + +"Yes, yes, they ought to be here now; every moment may be precious, +and he may become conscious." + +"At the same time I would like you to call on Dr. Benton in +Twenty-third Street," added the physician. "He is a friend of mine, +and has had much experience. In so serious a case I would like to +consult him." + +Roger, while on his way to Dr. Benton's office, passed a livery-stable +with a coach standing just within the door, and he at once resolved +that the weary girls should not be exhausted by flying home in +terror-stricken haste. He took the carriage, obtained the physician, +and explained to him what had happened while on the way to the shop +in which Belle was employed. It was Christmas-eve, and the store +was still crowded with eleventh-hour purchasers, on whom the weary +child was waiting in a jaded, mechanical way. Her vacant look and +the dark lines under her eyes proved how exhausted she was; but +at the sight of Roger a flash of light and pleasure came into her +face, and then his expression caused it to fade into extreme pallor. + +"What is it?" she asked, turning from a garrulous customer. + +"Don't be alarmed; get your things and come with me. I will make +it all right with your employer." + +"Belle," he said, when they were by the carriage door, "you must +be a brave woman to-night. Your father is home, and he is very ill. +Perhaps his life depends on quiet and freedom from all excitement. +Dr Benton, an experienced physician, is in the carriage, and will +go with us. You must tell your sister--I cannot." + +If Belle had been herself she would not have failed him; but, +after the long strain of the day, she became completely unnerved at +his tidings, and sobbed almost hysterically. She could not control +herself sufficiently to enter the shop where Mildred stood, unconscious +of the approaching shadow, and so the heavy task of breaking the +news fell upon Roger. "If Belle, naturally so strong, was white +and faint from the long, toilsome day, how wan and ghost-like poor +Mildred will appear!" was his thought as he sprang to the sidewalk. + +They were closing up, and the discipline of the shop was over. +Instead of pallor, there was an angry crimson in Mildred's cheeks, +and an indignant fire in her eyes. She evidently was deeply incensed, +and her companions apparently were as greatly amused. When she saw +Roger the crimson deepened in her face, her brow knitted in strong +vexation, and she went on with her task of putting the goods under +her charge in order, as if she had not seen him; but the thought +flashed through her mind: "Oh that he were to me what he is to +Belle! Then he might punish my insolent persecutor, but he's the +last one in the world to whom I can appeal. Oh, where's papa?" + +"Miss Jocelyn--" + +"Don't you see you have another beau?" whispered one of her companions +as she passed out. "You won't treat this one with words and manner +that are the same as a slap in the face, for he's too good-looking." + +She paid no heed to the gibe, for the young man's tone was significant, +and she had lifted her eyes to his with eager questioning. His +grave, sad face banished the flush from hers instantly. + +"Miss Jocelyn," Roger began again, in a low tone, "you have already +learned to associate me with painful experiences. I cannot help +it. But this, my misfortune, is nothing; you must nerve yourself +for anxiety that will test even your strength. Your father is home, +and ill. I will not explain further before strangers. Belle and a +physician are awaiting you in the carriage." + +How quiet and measured were his words; but even in her distress +she was painfully conscious that the slight tremor in his voice +was the low vibration of a feeling whose repressed intensity would +sooner or later break forth. Beyond a momentary shrinking from what +seemed to her but well-mastered vehemence, she gave him no thought +in her overwhelming solicitude. + +Scarcely a moment elapsed before she joined him at the door. As +he placed her in the carriage he said, "Dr. Benton will explain to +you what has happened." + +"Roger--" sobbed Belle, but he sprang on the box with the driver, +and in a few moments they were at the door of the old mansion. + +"Dr. Benton," said the young man, "will you please accompany Miss +Jocelyn? After the fatigue of the day and the shock of this evening +she will need your support," and he saw that she leaned heavily on +the physician's arm. + +Having dismissed the carriage, he found Belle leaning against the +side of the house, faint and trembling. The young athlete lifted +her in his arms and bore her steadily and easily to the doorway, +and then again up the winding stairway. "Belle," he whispered, "if +you lose your father you shall at least have a brother." + +She entwined her arm about his neck in mute acceptance of the +relationship. Her every breath was a low sob, and she could not +then tell him how his words reassured her, taking away, in part, +the almost overwhelming terror of being left unprotected in the +world. + +During Mr. Jocelyn's absence his family had tried to banish from +their minds the memory of his weakness, and thus they had come to +think of him again as the strong, cheerful, genial man they had +known all their lives. The months preceding his departure were like +a hateful dream. It had been a dearly cherished hope that, after +breathing his native air for a few weeks, he would return the same +frank, clear-eyed, clear-brained man that had won his way, even +among strangers, after the wreck and ruin of the war. To him their +thoughts had turned daily, in the hope of release from toil that +was often torture, and from anxieties that filled every waking hour +with foreboding. + +How bitter the disappointment then, and how terrible the shock, +as they now looked upon his prostrate form, meagre, shrunken, and +almost lifeless! Instead of the full, dark eyes that had beamed +mirthfully and lovingly for so many years, there was an unnatural +contraction of the pupils which rendered them almost invisible. +His once healthful complexion was now livid, or rather of a leaden, +bluish hue; his respirations stertorous and singularly deliberate. + +"He is dying," Mildred moaned; "he is far, far away from us, even +now. Oh, if we could have but one look, one sign of farewell!" + +Belle and Mrs. Jocelyn became almost helpless with grief, for it +did not seem possible to them that he could rally. "Oh, why did I +let him go--why did I let him go!" was the wife's remorseful and +often-repeated question. + +The elderly and experienced physician whom Roger had brought ignored +with professional indifference the grief-stricken household, and +was giving his whole mind to the study of the case. After examining +the pupils of Mr. Jocelyn's eyes, taking his temperature, and +counting his pulse, he looked at his associate and shook his head +significantly. Roger, who stood in the background, saw that Dr. +Benton did not accept the young physician's diagnosis. A moment +later Dr. Benton bared the patient's arm and pointed to many small +scars, some old and scarcely visible, and others recent and slightly +inflamed. The young practitioner then apparently understood him, +for he said, "This is both worse and better than I feared." + +"Worse, worse," growled Dr. Benton. + +"What do you mean?" asked Mrs. Jocelyn, more dead than alive. + +"Madam," began Dr. Benton very gravely, "have you never seen your +husband using a little instrument like this?" and he produced from +his pocket a hypodermic syringe. + +"Never," was the perplexed and troubled reply. + +The physician smiled a little satirically, and remarked, in a low +aside, "I hope the drug has not affected the whole family. It's +next to impossible to get at the truth in these cases." + +"Do you think he will die?" was her agonized query. + +"No, madam, we can soon bring him around, I think, and indeed he +would probably have come out of this excess unaided; but he had +better die than continue his excessive use of morphia. I can scarcely +conceive how you could have remained ignorant of the habit." + +Mildred bowed her head in her hands with a low, despairing cry, for +a flash of lurid light now revealed and explained all that had been +so strange and unaccountable. The terrible secret was now revealed, +as far as she was able to comprehend it--her father was an opium +inebriate, and this was but the stupor of a debauch! The thought +of his death had been terrible, but was not this worse? She lifted +her face in a swift glance at Roger, and saw him looking at her +with an expression, that was full of the strongest sympathy, and +something more. She coldly averted her eyes, and a slow, deep flush +of shame rose to her face, "Never shall I endure a humiliation but +he will witness it, and be a part of it," was her bitter thought. + +The physicians meanwhile changed their treatment, and were busy with +professional nonchalance. Mrs. Jocelyn was at first too bewildered +by their words and manner to do more than look at them, with hands +clasping and unclasping in nervous apprehension, and with eyes full +of deep and troubled perplexity. Then, as the truth grew clearer, +that a reflection had been made upon her own and her husband's +truth, she rose unsteadily to her feet, and said, with a pathetic +attempt at dignity, "I scarcely understand you, and fear that you +as little understand my husband's condition. He never concealed +anything from me. He has been unfortunate and in failing health +for months, and that is all. I fear, from your cruel and unjust +surmises, that you do not know what you are doing, and that you +are destroying his slender chances for life." + +"Do you wish to discharge us, then?" was Dr. Benton's brusque +response. He was a man of unusual skill, but blunt and unsympathetic, +especially in cases wherein he suspected deception--an element +almost inseparable from the morphia habit. The victim is almost +invariably untruthful, and the family not unfrequently hide the +whole truth in the desire to shield the disgraceful weakness. Dr. +Benton was too familiar with these facts to be easily moved, but +when the sad-hearted wife clasped her hands and cried, in tones +that would touch the coldest heart, "I wish him to live, for his +death would be far worse than death to us all," the physician said +kindly, "There, there, Mrs. Jocelyn, I have seen many cases like +this. Your husband will live, and will soon be able to speak to you. +If you then can induce him to leave morphia alone, he may become +as sound a man as ever." + +Mildred put her arm around her mother and drew her into her room, +closing the door. + +A few moments later Roger heard the wife's passionate protest, "I +do not believe it--I will never believe it." Then Dr. Benton said +to him, "Here, young man, run to my house for an electric battery." + +When he returned Mr. Jocelyn was coming slowly out of his deep coma, +and his appearance was changing rapidly for the better. There was +a deep, indignant flush on Mrs. Jocelyn's face, and she took Roger +aside and said earnestly, "Never believe the lies you have heard +here to-night. I know that you will never repeat them." + +"Never, Mrs. Jocelyn." + +But Mildred was pale and almost stony in her cold, calm aspect; +her heart, in her desperation, was hard toward every one. Belle had +not comprehended the truth at all, having been too much overwhelmed +by her emotions to heed the earlier remarks of the physicians, and +Mildred had said to them significantly and almost sternly, "There +is no need of giving your diagnosis any further publicity." + +Dr. Benton had then looked at her more attentively, and muttered, +"An unusual girl; more's the pity." + +"Mr. Atwood," Mildred began, a few moments after his entrance, +"we thank you for your aid in this painful emergency, but we need +trouble you no further. Papa is rallying fast. I will thank you to +inform me of all the expense which you have incurred in our behalf +at your earliest convenience." + +"Mildred," interposed Mrs. Jocelyn, suddenly appearing from beside +her husband's couch, the unwonted fire still burning in her usually +gentle eyes, "I cannot permit Mr. Atwood to be dismissed so coldly. +He has been a true friend in the most terrible emergency of our +lives. I must have a strong, kind hand to sustain me now that my +husband, my life, has been foully slandered in his own home." + +Belle, in even greater terror of being left alone, clung to his +arm, and said, "He cannot leave us--he has made me a promise this +night which will keep him here." + +With a troubled and deprecating look at Mildred, Roger replied, "I +will not fail you, Mrs. Jocelyn, nor you, Belle; but there is no +further need of my intruding on your privacy. I shall be within +call all night." + +"He can stay in my room," said Mrs. Wheaton, who, although aiding +the physicians, could not help overhearing the conversation. + +"No, he shall stay here," cried Belle passionately; "I'm so unnerved +that I'm almost beside myself, and he quiets me and makes me feel +safer. Millie has no right to show her prejudice at such a time." + +Mildred, white and faint, sank into a chair by the table and buried +her face in her arms, leaving the young fellow in sore perplexity +as to what course he ought to take. He believed the physicians were +right, and yet Mrs. Jocelyn had taken it for granted that he shared +her faith in her husband's truth, and he knew she would banish +him from her presence instantly should he betray a doubt as to the +correctness of her view. At the same time the expression of his face +had shown Mildred that he understood her father's condition even +better than she did. It seemed impossible to perform the difficult +and delicate part required of him, but with love's loyalty he +determined to do what he imagined the young girl would wish, and +he said firmly, "Belle, I again assure you that you can depend +upon my promise to the utmost. Mrs Jocelyn, my respect for you is +unbounded, and the privilege of serving you is the best reward I +crave. At the same time I feel that it is neither right nor delicate +for me to witness sorrows that are so sacred. My part is to help, +and not look on, and I can help just as well if within call all the +time. Belle," he whispered, "dear Belle, I know you are unnerved by +weeks of overwork as well as by this great trouble, but be a brave +little woman once more, and all may soon be well," and he was about +to withdraw when Dr. Benton appeared and said: + +"Mrs. Jocelyn, your husband is now out of all immediate danger, +but everything depends upon his future treatment. I wish this young +man to remain a little longer, for you must now decide upon what +course you will take. We have been called in an emergency. There +is no need that I should remain any longer, for the physician who +accompanied him here is now amply competent to attend to the case. +You have, however, expressed lack of confidence in us, and may +wish to send for your own physician. If so, this young man can go +for him at once. I can prove to you in two minutes that I am right, +and I intend to do so; then my responsibility ceases. Everything +depends on your intelligent and firm co-operation with whatever +physician has charge of the case, and it is no kindness to leave +you under a delusion that does your heart more credit than your +head or eyes." + +He stepped back through the curtained doorway, and returned with her +husband's vest, from an inner pocket of which he took a hypodermic +syringe, a bottle of Magendie's solution, and also another vial of +the sulphate of morphia. + +"I am an old physician," he resumed, "and know your husband's +symptoms as well as you know his face. His possession of these +articles should confirm my words. The slight scars upon his arms +and elsewhere were made by this little instrument, as I can show +you if you will come and observe--" + +His medical logic was interrupted by a low cry from the stricken +wife, and then she fainted dead away. + +Mildred, on the contrary, stepped forward, with a pale, stern +face, and said, "I will take charge of these," and she, carried +the agents of their ruin to her own room. Instantly she returned, +and assisted Mrs. Wheaton in the restoration of her mother. + +To Belle, who had looked on dazed, trembling, and bewildered, Roger +whispered, "I shall be within call all night." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXI + +AN OPIUM MANIAC'S CHRISTMAS + + +Beneath his brusque manner Dr. Benton masked a kind heart when +once its sympathies were touched. He soon became satisfied that Mr. +Jocelyn's family were not trying to shield his patient, but were, +on the contrary, overwhelmed with dismay and shame at the truth +which he had made clear to them. He therefore set about helping +them, in his own prosaic but effective way, and he did not leave +them until they were all as well and quiet as the dread circumstances +of the situation permitted. Opium slaves are subject to accidents +like that which had overtaken Mr. Jocelyn, who, through heedlessness +or while half unconscious, had taken a heavy overdose, or else +had punctured a vein with his syringe. Not infrequently habitues +carelessly, recklessly, and sometimes deliberately end their wretched +lives in this manner. Dr. Benton knew well that his patient was in +no condition to enter upon any radical curative treatment, and it +was his plan to permit the use of the drug for a few days, seeking +meanwhile to restore as far as possible his patient's shattered +system, and then gain the man's honest and hearty co-operation in +the terrible ordeal essential to health and freedom. If Mr. Jocelyn +had not the nerve and will-power to carry out his treatment--which +he much doubted--he would advise that he be induced to go to an +institution where the will of others could enforce the abstinence +required. He believed that Mr. Jocelyn would consent to this, when +convinced of his inability to endure the ordeal in his own strength. +Having explained his intentions and hopes to Mrs. Jocelyn and +Mildred, he left them cast down indeed, but not utterly devoid of +hope. + +It seemed to them that the husband and father must renounce +the fatal habit at once, in response to their appeals. They could +not understand that it was already beyond his power to break his +chains--that they must be broken by other hands, if broken at all. + +It may well be doubted if the light of Christmas day dawned on a +sadder household than that which was sheltered in the old mansion. +Worn and exhausted to the last degree, and yet sleepless from +anxiety, grief, and shame, the two women watched beside the fitful, +half-conscious man. At last he appeared to throw off his stupor +sufficiently to recognize his wife; but it was with a strange look, +in which were blended fear, suspicion, and shame. A cold perspiration +broke out over his whole form, for something in her expression, +and especially in the aspect of Mildred's face, seemed to indicate +that they knew all, and his own guilty fears and conscience made +the surmise true for the moment; but the tender manner in which +his wife wiped his brow and kissed him were reassuring, and with +his rallying powers grew the hope that his weakness might yet be +unknown and successfully concealed until, by his physician's aid, +he had thrown off the curse. Fearing above and beyond all things else +that his wife would learn his degradation, he slowly and fitfully +tried to mature plans of deception; but his enfeebled mind rallied +so slowly that he felt for a time that silence and observation +were his best allies. He would cautiously and suspiciously feel his +way, and having learned all that had transpired since he remembered +being on the steamer, he could then decide more clearly how to +shape his course. He therefore affected to regard his condition as +the result of a severe illness, and murmured that "quiet and home +life would soon bring him round." + +Mildred kissed him also, and answered, "We cannot think otherwise, +papa, for our love, our lives, and all are bound up in you." + +The morning dragged heavily away, for all except the little ones +were under the impression that dark and woful days were before +them. Mr. Benton had not disguised the truth--that the problem with +which they had to deal was one of great difficulty and much doubt. +This prospect was depressing, but that which weighed like lead +upon their hearts was the thought that one who had ever been their +ideal of honor and truth had deceived them for months, and had +steadily yielded to a habit which he knew must destroy his family's +honor and leave them friendless, penniless, and disgraced. The +weeks of pain that Mildred had endured were not the result of a +hard necessity, but of a vicious indulgence of a depraved appetite. +Not disease but sin had so darkened their lives and brought them +to a pass where even daily bread and shelter for the future were +doubtful questions. + +A thousand times Mildred asked herself, "How can I go out and face +the world with my name blackened by this great cloud of shame?" +She felt as if she never wished to step into the open light of day +again, and the thought of Vinton Arnold made her shudder. "There +is now a great gulf between us," she moaned. "The truth that my +father is an opium slave can never be hidden, and even were Vinton +inclined to be faithful, his family would regard me as a leper, +and he will yield to their abhorrence." + +The wound in both her own and her mother's heart was deep indeed. +Their confidence was shattered, their faith in human goodness and +honor destroyed. While they still hoped much, they nevertheless +harbored a desperate fear, and, at best, the old serene trust could +never return. Even if Mr. Jocelyn could rally and reform, there +would ever remain the knowledge that he had once been weak and +false, and might be again. He would be one who must be watched, +shielded, and sustained, and not one upon whom they could lean +in quiet faith. The quaking earth which shatters into ruin the +material home brings but a slight disaster compared with the vice +that destroys a lifelong trust in a husband and father. + +Mr. Jocelyn's nerves were much too weak and irritable to endure +his children's voices, and their innocence and unconsciousness of +danger smote him with unendurable remorse; they were, therefore, +sent to Mrs. Wheaton's room. There, too, Belle met Roger, and was +much reassured by his hopeful words. She only half comprehended the +truth concerning her father, and now, feeling the worst was past, +her mercurial nature was fast regaining its cheerfulness. She +was one who might despair one day and be joyous the next. Like +her father, she had unlimited courage, and but little fortitude. +Although she did not know it, the outlook for her was more threatening +than for any of the others, for she could not patiently submit to +a slow, increasing pressure of poverty and privation. As her father +feared, she might be driven to interpose the protest of a reckless +life. + +Mr. Jocelyn was greatly reassured when Dr. Benton called, and treated +him with much respect; and when a liberal allowance of morphia was +injected into his arm, he became quite cheerful, believing that not +only his family but even the physician was unaware, as yet, of his +weakness. By neither sign nor word did Dr. Benton indicate his +knowledge, for it was his design to rally his patient into the best +possible condition, and then induce him to yield himself up wholly +to medical skill, naturally believing that in his present enfeebled +state he would shrink from entering on the decisive and heroic +treatment required. Promising to call in the evening, he left Mr. +Jocelyn apparently very much improved. + +In the afternoon Mildred went to her room to seek a little rest. +The physician thought he had given enough of the drug to satisfy +his patient until he returned, but he had not properly gauged the +morbid craving with which he was trying to deal, and as the day +declined Mr. Jocelyn became very restless. Finally, he said he felt +so much better that he would rise and dress himself, and, in spite +of his wife's remonstrances, he persisted in doing so. Although +tottering from weakness, he said, irritably, and almost imperiously, +that he needed no help, and wished to be alone. With sad foreboding +his wife yielded, and waited tremblingly for his next step, for he +had become to her an awful mystery. + +Her fears were fulfilled, for he soon lifted the curtain door and +looked at her in a strange, suspicious manner. "I miss some medicine +from my vest pocket," he said hesitatingly. + +Her face crimsoned, and she found no words with which to reply. + +"Did you take it out?" he demanded sharply. + +"No," she faltered. + +His manner began to grow excited, and he looked like a distorted +image of his former self. Anger, suspicion, fear, and cunning were +all blended in his face, but he so far mastered himself as to assume +a wheedling tone and manner as he came toward her and said, "Nan, +it was only a little tonic that I found beneficial while in the +South. You must know where it is. Please give it to me." + +The poor woman was so overcome by her husband's appearance and +falsehood that she felt sick and faint, and knew not what to say. + +"Where is it?" he demanded angrily, for he felt that unless he had the +support of the drug speedily, he would wholly lose his self-control. + +"Oh, Martin," pleaded his wife, "wait till Dr. Benton comes; he +will be here this evening." + +"Why this ado about nothing? I merely wish to take a little tonic, +and you look as if I proposed suicide." + +"Martin, Martin, it is suicide of body and soul. It is worse than +murder of me and your innocent children. Oh, Martin, my heart's +true love, make me a Christmas gift that I will prize next to Him +from whom the day is named. Give me the promise that you will never +touch the vile poison again," and she knelt before him and sought +to take his hand. + +For a moment he was overwhelmed. She evidently knew all! He sank +into a chair, and trembled almost convulsively. Then came the +impulse--an almost inevitable effect of the drug upon the moral +nature--to lie about the habit, and to strive to conceal it, even +after an unclouded mind would see that deception was impossible. + +"Nan," he began, as he grew a little quieter, "you take cruel +advantage of my weak nerves. You must see that I am greatly reduced +by illness, and I merely wish to take a little tonic as any sane +man would do, and you treat me to a scene of high tragedy. Give me +my medicine, and I know that I shall soon be much better." + +"Oh, my husband, has it really come to this?" and the wretched wife +buried her face in her arms, and leaned heavily on the table. + +He was growing desperate. Through excess he had already reached a +point where ordinary life became an unendurable burden without the +stimulant; but facing a harrowing scene like this was impossible. +He felt that his appetite was like a savage beast on which he held +a weakening and relaxing grasp. With the strange, double consciousness +of the opium maniac, he saw his wife in all her deep distress, and +he had the remorse of a lost soul in view of her agony; he was almost +certain that she knew how he had wronged her and his children, and +he had all the shame and self-loathing of a proud, sensitive man; +he knew that he was false to the sacred trusts of husband and +father, and that awful thing we call a sense of guilt added its +deep depression. It is not inability to comprehend his degradation, +his danger, his utter loss of manhood, which opium imposes on its +wretched slave, but an impossibility to do aught except gratify the +resistless craving at any and every cost. All will-power has gone, +all moral resistance has departed, and in its place is a gnawing, +clamorous, ravening desire. The vitiated body, full of indescribable +and mysterious pain, the still more tortured mind, sinking under +a burden of remorse, guilt, fear, and awful imagery, both unite in +one desperate, incessant demand for opium. + +While his wife sat leaning upon the table, her face hidden, she +was the picture of despair; and, in truth, she felt almost as if +she were turning into stone. If her husband had been brought home +a mangled, mutilated man, as she often feared he might be during +the long years of the war, she would have bent over him with a +tenderness equalled only by the pride and faith that had ever found +in him their centre; but this strange apparition of a man with +odd, sinister-looking eyes, who alternately threatened and cowered +before her--this man, mutilated more horribly in the loss of truth +and love, who was thus openly and shamelessly lying--oh, was he +the chivalric, noble friend, who had been lover and husband for +so many years! The contrast was intolerable, and the sense of his +falseness stung her almost to madness. She did not yet know that +opium, like the corruption of the grave, blackens that which is +the fairest and whitest. + +For a few minutes Mr. Jocelyn debated with himself. Was he strong +enough to go out to the nearest drug store? After one or two turns +up and down the room he found that he was not. He might fall in +utter collapse while on the way, and yet his system, depleted by +his recent excess, demanded the drug with an intensity which he +could not restrain much longer without becoming wild and reckless. +He therefore said to his wife, in a dogged manner, "Nan, I must +have that medicine." + +The gentle creature was at last goaded into such a burst of +indignation that for a few moments he was appalled, and trembled +before her. The fire in her blue eyes seemed to scorch away her +tears, and standing before him she said passionately, "As you are +a man and a Southern gentleman, tell me the truth. I never concealed a +thought from you; what have you been concealing from us for weeks +and months? I wronged you in that I did not think and plan. day and +night how to save instead of how to spend, and I can never forgive +myself, but my fault was not deliberate, not intentional. There was +never a moment when I tried to deceive you--never a moment when I +would not have suffered hunger and cold that you and the children +might be warmed and fed. What is this tonic for which you are +bartering your health, your honor and ours, your children's bread +and blood? Mildred sold her girlhood's gifts, the few dear mementoes +of the old happy days, that you might have the chance you craved. +That money was as sacred as the mercy of God. For weeks the poor +child has earned her bread, not by the sweat of her face, but in +agony of body and unhappiness of heart. If it were disease that +had so cast us down and shadowed our lives with fear, pain, and +poverty, we would have submitted to God's will and watched over +you with a patient tenderness that would never have faltered or +murmured; but it's not disease, it's not something that God sent. +It is that which crimsons our faces with shame." + +He sat cowering and trembling before her, with his face buried in +his hands. + +In a sudden revulsion of tenderness she sank again on her knees +before him, and pleaded in tones of tenderest pathos: "Martin, I +know all; but I am ready to forgive all if you will be true from +this time forward. I know now the cause of all your strange moods +which we attributed to ill-health; I know the worst; but if, in +humble reliance upon God, you will win back your manhood, the past +evil days shall be blotted out, even as God blots out our sins +and remembers them no more against us. We will sustain your every +effort with sympathy and loving faith. We will smile at cold and +hunger that you may have time--Great God!" and she sprang to her +feet, white, faint, and panting. + +Her husband had taken his hands from his face, and glared at her +like a famished wolf. In his desperate, unnatural visage there was +not a trace of manhood left. + +"Give me the bottle of morphia you took from my pocket," he +demanded, rising threateningly. "No words; you might as well read +the Ten Commandments to an unchained tiger. Give it to me, or +there is no telling what may happen. You talk as if I could stop +by simply saying, coolly and quietly, I will stop. Ten thousand +devils! haven't I suffered the torments of the damned in trying +to stop! Was I not in hell for a week when I could not get it? Do +you think I ask for it now as a child wants candy? No, it's the +drop of water that will cool my tongue for a brief moment, and as +you hope for mercy or have a grain of mercy in your nature, give +it to me NOW, NOW, NOW!" + +The poor wife tottered a step or two toward her daughter's room, +and fell swooning at the threshold. Mildred opened the door, and +her deep pallor showed that instead of sleeping she had heard words +that would leave scars on memory until her dying day. + +"The poison you demand is there," she said brokenly, pointing to +her bureau. "After mamma's appeal I need not, cannot speak," and +she knelt beside her mother. + +Her father rushed forward and seized the drug with the aspect of +one who is famishing. Mildred shuddered, and would not see more +than she could help, but gave her whole thought and effort to her +mother, who seemed wounded unto death. After a few moments, to her +unbounded surprise, her father knelt beside her and lifted her mother +to a lounge, and, with a steady hand and a gentle, considerate manner, +sought to aid in her restoration. His face was full of solicitude +and anxiety--indeed he looked almost the same as he might have +looked and acted a year ago, before he had ever imagined that such +a demon would possess him. + +When at last Mrs. Jocelyn revived and recalled what had occurred, +she passed into a condition of almost hysterical grief, for her +nervous system was all unstrung. Mr. Jocelyn, meanwhile, attended +upon her in a silent, gentle, self-possessed manner that puzzled +Mildred greatly, although she ascribed it to the stimulant he had +taken. + +After a few minutes a strange smile flitted across his face, and +he disappeared within his own apartment. A little later, Mildred, +returning from a momentary absence, saw him withdraw his syringe +from the arm of her half-conscious mother. + +"What have you done?" she asked sternly, and hastening to his side. + +Secreting the instrument as a miser would his gold, he answered, +with the same strange smile, "She shall have a merry Christmas yet; +I have just remembered the day. See how quiet she is becoming; see +that beautiful flush stealing into her pale face; see the light +dawning in her eye. Oh, I gauged the dose with the skill of the best +of them; and see, my hand is as steady as yours. I'm not a wreck +yet, and all may still be well. Come, this is Christmas night, and +we will keep it in good old Southern style. Where are Belle and +the children? Ah! here they are. Where have you been, Belle?" + +"In Mrs. Wheaton's room," she replied, looking at her father in +much surprise. "I was trying to keep the children quiet, so that +you, mamma, and Millie might have a little rest." + +"That was very kind and good of you, and you now see that I am much +better; so is mamma, and with your help and Mildred's we shall have +a merry Christmas night together after all." + +"Papa is right," Mrs. Jocelyn added with vivacity. "I DO feel much +better, and so strangely hopeful. Come here, Belle. I've scarcely +seen you and the children all day. Kiss me, darlings. I believe +the worst is now past, that papa will soon be well, and that all +our troubles will end in renewed prosperity and happiness. I have +been looking on the dark side, and it was wrong in me to do so. I +should have had more faith, more hope, more thankfulness. I should +bless God for that sight--Fred and Minnie on their father's knees +as in old times. Oh, what a strange, bright turn everything has +taken." + +"Mamma dear," said Belle, who was kneeling and caressing her, "can +I not ask Roger in to see you? He has looked like a ghost all day, +from anxiety about you." + +"Oh, no, no," gasped Mildred. + +"Now, Millie," began Mrs. Jocelyn in gentle effusion, "you carry +your prejudice against Roger much too far. He has been the world +and all to Belle since he came to town. Belle was like a prisoned +bird, and he gave her air and room to fly a little, and always +brought her back safe to the nest. Think of his kindness last night +(suddenly she put her hand to her brow as if troubled by something +half forgotten, but her serene smile returned). Papa, thanks +to Roger's kindness, is here, and he might have been taken to a +hospital. I now feel assured that he will overcome all his troubles. +What we need is cheerfulness--the absence of all that is depressing. +Roger is lonely away from his home and people, and he shall share +our Christmas cheer; so call him, Belle, and then you and Millie +prepare as nice a supper as you can;" and the girl flew to make +good a prospect so in accordance with her nature. + +Mildred almost as precipitately sought her room. A moment later +Roger was ushered in, and he could scarcely believe his eyes. The +unconscious man, whom he at this time on the previous day believed +dying, had his children on his lap, and was caressing them with +every mark of affection. Although he still appeared to be very much +of an invalid, and his complexion had a sallow and unnatural hue, +even in the lamplight, it was difficult to believe that twenty-four +hours before he had appeared to be in extremis. When he arose and +greeted Roger with a courtesy that was almost faultless, the young +fellow was tempted to rub his eyes as if all were a dream. Mrs. +Jocelyn, too, was full of cheerfulness and hope, and made him sit +beside her while she thanked him with a cordiality and friendliness +that seemed even tinged with affection. If memory could be silenced +there would be nothing to dispel the illusion that he looked upon +a humble but happy home, unshadowed by any thought or trouble. As +it was, the illusion was so strong that he entered into the apparent +spirit of the occasion, and he chatted and laughed with a freedom +and ease he had never yet known in their presence. + +"Where is Millie?" Mrs. Jocelyn suddenly asked. "We must be all +together on this happy occasion. Minnie, call her, for I do not +wish a moment of this long-deferred hour marred or clouded." + +"Millie," cried the child, opening the door, "mamma wants you to +come right away. We are having a lovely time." + +"Don't mind Millie's ways," said Mrs. Jocelyn, touching Roger's +arm and giving him a little confidential nod. "You understand each +other." + +These words, with her manner, struck Roger as peculiar in one who +had ever seemed to him the embodiment of delicacy, but he was too +inexperienced to gauge them properly. When he turned, however, to +bow to Mildred, who entered and took a seat in a distant corner, he +was startled by her extreme pallor, but acting on Mrs. Jocelyn's +advice he tried to act as before, resolving, nevertheless, that +if his presence continued to be a restraint on one for whom he was +ever ready to sacrifice himself, he would speedily depart. Belle +was radiant in her reaction from the long, miserable day, and, with +a child's unconsciousness, gave herself up to her happiness. + +"Millie shall rest as well as yourself, mamma, for she was up all +night, and I'll get supper and prove what a housewife I am. Roger, +if you do not swallow everything I prepare without a wry face, +and, indeed, with every appearance of relish, I shall predict for +you the most miserable old bachelorhood all your days." + +"I am afraid you will put Roger's gallantry to a very severe test," +cried Mrs. Jocelyn gayly. "Indeed, I fear we have not very much +for supper except the warmest good-will. Our poverty now, however, +will not last long, for I feel that I can so manage hereafter as +to make amends for all the past. I can see that I am the one who +has been to blame; but all that's past, and with my clearer, fuller +knowledge and larger opportunities I can do wonders." + +Roger was much struck by the peculiar smile with which Mr. Jocelyn +regarded his wife as she uttered these words. + +"Lemme show you what Aunty Wheaton gave me dis mornin'," lisped +Fred, pulling Roger up. + +As he rose he caught a glimpse of Mildred's face, and saw that she +was regarding her mother and father in undisguised horror. Something +was evidently wrong--fearfully wrong. There was a skeleton in that +cheerful lighted room, and the girl saw it plainly. Never would he +forget her terrible expression. He trembled with apprehension as +he stood over the child's toy and tried to imagine what it was that +had suddenly filled the place with a nameless dread and foreboding. +So quick and strong was his sympathy for Mildred, so unmistakable +had been the expression of the girl's face, that he was sure +something must soon occur which would explain her fears. + +He was right, for at this moment Dr. Benton knocked, entered, +and took the chair he had vacated. The physician looked with some +surprise at his patient and Mrs. Jocelyn's flushed, smiling face. +As he felt her pulse her sleeve fell back, and he saw the ominous +little red scar, and then he understood it all, and fixed a +penetrating glance on the face of her husband, who would not meet +his eye. + +"I have done you wrong, Dr. Benton," Mrs. Jocelyn began volubly, +"for we all are indebted to your skill that my husband is so much +better. This day, which promised to pass so sadly, has a bright +ending, thanks to your timely remedies. We are once more a united +household, and I can never thank our dear young friend here, Mr. +Atwood, enough that he discovered my husband and brought him to us +and to your able treatment. Surely, Millie, your prejudice against +him must vanish now, for--" + +"Mother," cried Mildred, "if you have a grain of reason or self-control +left, close your lips. Oh, what a mockery it all is!" + +When Belle took her astonished eyes from Mildred's face, Roger, +who stood near the door, was gone. + +"You had better follow your daughter's advice, Mrs. Jocelyn," said +the physician quietly and soothingly; "you are a little feverish, +and I prescribe quiet. May I see you alone a moment or two, Mr. +Jocelyn?" + +"Yes, here in my room," added Mildred eagerly. + +It was with the aspect of mingled fear and haughtiness that Mr. +Jocelyn followed Dr. Benton into the apartment, and the door was +closed. + +"Mother, you are ill," said Mildred, kneeling beside her. "For my +sake, for yours, pray keep quiet for a while." + +"Ill! I never felt better in my life. It's all your unreasonable +prejudice, Millie." + +"I think so too," cried Belle indignantly. "We were just beginning +to have a little sunshine, and you have spoiled everything." + +"I am the only one who knows the truth, and I shall take the +responsibility of directing our affairs for the next few hours," +replied Mildred, rising, with a pale, impassive face. "Belle, my +course has nothing to do with Roger Atwood. I exceedingly regret, +however, that he has been present. Wait till you hear what Dr. +Benton says;" and there was something so resolute and almost stern +in her manner that even Mrs. Jocelyn, in her unnatural exaltation, +yielded. Indeed, she was already becoming drowsy from the effects +of the narcotic. + +"You are not yourself, mamma. I'll explain all to-morrow," the +young girl added soothingly. + +"Mr. Jocelyn," said the physician, with quiet emphasis, "you have +injected morphia into your wife's arm." + +"I have not." + +"My dear sir, I understand your case thoroughly, and so do your +wife and daughter, as far as they can understand my explanations. +Now if you will cease your mad folly I can save you, I think; that +is, if you will submit yourself absolutely to my treatment." + +"You are talking riddles, sir. Our poverty does not warrant any +assumption on your part." + +"I know the insane and useless instinct of those in your condition +to hide their weakness; but can you not control it, and permit me +as your friend and physician to help you? I am seeking your interests, +not my own." + +"Curse you!" cried Mr. Jocelyn, in a burst of uncontrollable anger; +"if you had been my friend you would have let me die, but instead +you have said things to my wife that have blasted me forever in +her eyes. If she had not known, I could have made the effort you +require; but now I'm a lost man, damned beyond remedy, and I'd +rather see the devil himself than your face again. These are my +rooms, and I demand that you depart and never appear here again." + +The physician bowed coldly, and left the ill-fated family to itself. + +Mildred, who overheard her father's concluding words, felt that it +would be useless then to interpose. Indeed she was so dispirited +and exhausted that she could do no more than stagger under the +heavy burden that seemed crushing her very soul. + +She assisted her mother to retire, and the latter was soon sleeping +with a smile upon her lips. Mr. Jocelyn sat sullenly apart, staring +out into the bleak, stormy darkness, and Mildred left him for the +first time in her life without giving him his good-night kiss. As +she realized this truth, she sank on her couch and sobbed so bitterly +that Belle, who had been meditating reproaches, looked at her with +tearful wonder. Suddenly Mildred arose in strong compunction, and +rushed back to her father; but he started up with such a desperate +look that she recoiled. + +"Don't touch me," he cried. "Put your lips to the gutter of the +streets, if you will, but not to such pitch and foulness as I have +become." + +"Oh, papa, have mercy!" she pleaded. + +"Mercy!" he repeated, with a laugh that froze her blood, "there is +no mercy on earth nor in heaven," and he waved her away, and again +turned his face to the outer darkness. + +"Millie, oh, Millie, what IS the matter?" cried Belle, shocked at +her sister's horror-stricken face. + +"Oh, Belle, is there any good God?" + +"Millie, I'm bewildered. What does it all mean? The evening that +began so brightly seems ending in tragedy." + +"Yes, tragedy in bitter truth. Hope is murdered, life poisoned, +hearts made to bleed from wounds that can never heal. Belle, papa +loves opium better than he does you or me, better than his wife +and little helpless children, better than heaven and his own soul. +Would to God I had never lived to see this day!" + + + + +CHAPTER XXXII + +A BLACK CONSPIRACY + + +On the following morning Mrs. Jocelyn was ill and much depressed +from the reaction of the drug that had been given without her +knowledge, and after learning all that had transpired she sank +into an almost hopeless apathy. Mildred also was unable to rise, +and Belle went to their respective employers and obtained a leave +of absence for a day or two, on the ground of illness in the family. +Mrs. Wheaton now proved herself a discreet and very helpful friend, +showing her interest by kindly deeds and not by embarrassing questions. +Indeed she was so well aware of the nature of the affliction that +overwhelmed the family that she was possessed by the most dismal +forebodings as well as the deepest sympathy. + +Mr. Jocelyn had departed at an early hour, leaving a note wherein +he stated that he might be absent some days seeking employment in +a neighboring city. He had felt that it would be impossible to meet +his family immediately after the experiences of the previous day. +Indeed he had gone away with the desperate resolve that he would +break his habit or never return; but alas for the resolves of an +opium slave! + +Time dragged heavily on, the family living under a nightmare +of anxiety, fear, and horrible conjectures. What might he not do? +What new phase of the tragedy would hereafter be developed? + +Now that the busy season was over, the girls found that they could +retain their position as saleswomen only by accepting whatever +their employers chose to pay, and the thrifty shopkeepers satisfied +their consciences with the thought that they could obtain scores +of others at even lower prices. Mr. Schriven, in the multiplicity +of other interests, had almost forgotten Belle, and she had become +in his mind merely a part of the establishment. Her dejected face +and subdued manner excited some remark among her companions when +she again appeared, but her explanation, "Mother is ill," quieted +all curiosity. + +For a few days Mildred looked as white and crushed as a broken +lily, and then the reserve strength and courage of the girl began +to reassert themselves. With a fortitude that was as heroic as it +was simple and unostentatious, she resolutely faced the truth and +resolved to do each day's duty, leaving the result in God's hands. +With a miser's care she husbanded her strength, ate the most +nourishing food they could afford, and rested every moment her +duties permitted. The economy they were now compelled to practice +amounted almost to daily privation. Belle and the children were +often a little petulant over this change, Mrs. Jocelyn apathetic, +but Mildred was inflexible. "We must not run in debt one penny," +she would often remark with compressed lips. + +Although frequently unoccupied at the shop, she was nevertheless +compelled to stand, and in spite of this cruel requirement she +rallied slowly. Thanks, however, to her wise carefulness, she did +gain steadily in her power to endure and to fight the hard battle +of life. + +One of the saddest features of their trouble was the necessity +of reticence and of suffering in silence. Their proud, sensitive +spirits did not permit them to speak of their shame even to Mrs. +Wheaton, and she respected their reserve. Indeed, among themselves +they shrank from mentioning the sorrow that oppressed every waking +moment and filled their dreams with woful imagery. + +Daring an absence of nearly two weeks Mr. Jocelyn occasionally wrote +a line, saying that he was as well as they could expect, and that +was all. Then he reappeared among them and began leading a desultory +kind of life, coming and going in an aimless way, and giving but +little account of himself. They saw with a deeper depression that +he had not improved much, although apparently he had avoided any +great excesses. Occasionally he gave Mildred a little money, but +how it was obtained she did not know. It was well he was reticent, +for had she known that it was often part of a small loan from some +half-pitying friend of former days, and that it would never be +repaid, she would not have used a penny of it. They were simply +compelled to recognize the awful truth, that the husband and father +was apparently a confirmed opium inebriate. At first they pleaded +with him again and again, unable to understand how it was possible +for him to continue in so fatal a course, but at last they despairingly +desisted. He would at times weep almost hysterically, overwhelmed +with remorse, and again storm in reckless anger and unreasoning +fury. As in thousands of other homes wherein manhood and honor have +been destroyed, they found no better resource than silent endurance. +Under such inflictions resignation is impossible. For Mrs. Jocelyn +and Mildred it was simply a daily martyrdom, but in her companionship +with Roger, Belle had much to sustain, cheer, and even brighten +her life. + +He was in truth a loyal friend, and daily racked his brain for +opportunities to show her and Mrs. Jocelyn some reassuring attention; +and his kindness and that of Mrs. Wheaton were about the only +glints of light upon their darkening way. Mildred was polite and +even kind in her manner toward the young man, since for Belle's +sake and her mother's she felt that she must be so. His course, +moreover, had compelled her respect; but nevertheless her shrinking +aversion did not diminish. The fact that an evil destiny had seemingly +destroyed her hope of ever looking into the face of Vinton Arnold +again made the revolt of her heart all the more bitter against +an unwelcome love of which she was ever conscious when Roger was +present. But he had won her entire respect; he knew so much, and +he worked on and waited. The grasp of his mind upon his studies +daily grew more masterful, and his industry and persistence were +so steady that the old commission merchant began to nod to himself +approvingly. + +The current of time flowed sluggishly on, bringing only changes for +the worse to the Jocelyns. Early spring had come, but no spring-tide +hope, and in its stead a bitter humiliation. The pressure of poverty +at last became so great that the Jocelyns were in arrears for rent +and were compelled to move. In this painful ordeal Mrs. Wheaton +was a tower of strength, and managed almost everything for them, +since no dependence could be placed on Mr. Jocelyn. The reader's +attention need not be detained by a description of their new shelter--for +it could not be called a home. They had a living-room and two very +small bedrooms in a brick tenement wedged in among others of like +unredeemed angularity, and belonging to the semi-respectable, +commonplace order. It was occupied by stolid working-people of +various nationalities, and all engaged in an honest scramble for +bread, with time and thought for little else. The house was simply +a modern, cheap shelter, built barely within the requirements +of the law, and, from its newness, unsoiled as yet with the grime +of innumerable crowded families. Everything was slight, thin, and +money-saving in the architecture; and if a child cried, a shrill-tongued +woman vociferated, or a laborer, angry or drunk, indulged in the +general habit of profanity, all the other inmates of the abode +were at once aware of the fact. By the majority, such sounds were +no more heeded than the rumble in the streets, but to poor Mrs. +Jocelyn and Mildred, with natures like AEolian harps, the discords +of such coarse, crowded life were often horrible. There was naught +to do but exist from day to day, to win what bread they could +wherewith to sustain a life that seemed to promise less and less. +Mr. Jocelyn was steadily sinking, and Belle, at last, growing bitter +and restless under the privations of her lot, in spite of Roger's +unfaltering friendship. + +Mr. Jocelyn was not one who could sin in a conservative, prudent +way. He seemed utterly unable to rally and be a man in his +own strength, and his remorse over his conduct was so great that +he sought a refuge in almost continuous excess. The greater the +height, the more tremendous the fall, and he had now reached the +recklessness of despair. He had many stolid, slouching neighbors +in the tenements, who permitted life to be at least endurable for +their families because of the intervals between their excesses; +but an interval to Mr. Jocelyn was a foretaste of perdition. +Nevertheless, if the wretched man, by a kindly violence, could +have been shut up and away for weeks, perhaps months, from all +possibility of obtaining the poisons that were destroying him, +and treated with scientific skill, he might have been saved even +at this late hour. When the world recognizes that certain vices +sooner or later pass from the character of voluntary evil into the +phase of involuntary disease, and should be treated rigorously and +radically under the latter aspect, many lives and homes will be +saved from final wreck. + +No principles are better known than the influences of soil, climate, +darkness, and light upon a growing plant. If the truth could be +appreciated that circumstances color life and character just as +surely, marring, distorting, dwarfing, or beautifying and developing, +according as they are friendly or adverse, the workers in the moral +vineyard, instead of trying to obtain fruit from sickly vines, +whose roots grope in sterility, and whose foliage is poisoned, +would bring the richness of opportunity to the soil and purify the +social atmosphere. Immature Belle, in spite of all the influences +for good from her mother, her sister, and Roger, could scarcely reside +where she did and grow pure and womanly. She was daily compelled +to see and hear too much that was coarse, evil, and debasing. + +She knew that Roger was a friend, and nothing more--that his whole +heart was absorbed in Mildred--and her feminine nature, stimulated +by the peculiarities of her lot, craved warmer attentions. In her +impoverished condition, and with her father's character becoming +generally known, such attentions would not naturally come from young +men whom those who loved her best could welcome. She was growing +restless under restrictions, and her crowded, half-sheltered life +was robbing her of womanly reserve. These undermining influences +worked slowly, imperceptibly, but none the less certainly, and she +recognized the bold, evil admiration which followed her more and +more unshrinkingly. + +Mr. Jocelyn's condition was no longer a secret, and he often, +in common with other confirmed habitues, increased the effects of +opium by a free use of liquor. He therefore had practically ceased +to be a protector to his daughters. Fred and Minnie, in spite of +all the broken-hearted and failing mother could do, were becoming +little street Arabs, learning all too soon the evil of the world. + +Since the revelation of her father's condition Mildred had finally +relinquished her class at the mission chapel. Her sensitive spirit +was so shadowed by his evil that she felt she would be speechless +before children who might soon learn to associate her name with +a vice that would seem to them as horrible as it was mysterious. +Bread and shelter she must obtain, but she was too fear-haunted, +too conscious of the shame to which she was linked, to face the +public on any occasion not connected with her daily toil. + +The pride characteristic of American people who have lapsed +from a better condition was intensified by her Southern birth and +prejudices. More than hunger, cold, and even death, she feared being +recognized, pointed out, stared at, and gossiped about, while the +thought of receiving charity brought an almost desperate look into +her usually clear blue eyes. Therefore she shrank from even Mr. +Wentworth, and was reticent on all topics relating to their domestic +affairs. She knew that there were many families whom he was almost +sustaining through crises of illness and privation; she also knew +that there were far more who sought to trade upon his sympathies. +While she could take aid from him as readily as from any one, she +also believed that before she could receive it she must be frank +concerning her father. Rather than talk of his shame, even to her +pastor, it might well be believed that the girl would starve. What +she might do for the sake of the others was another question. + +Mr. Wentworth in sadness recognized the barrier which Mildred's +pride was rearing between them, but he was too wise and experienced +to be obtrusively personal. He sought earnestly, however, to guard +the young girl against the moral danger which so often results from +discouragement and unhappiness, and he entreated her not to part +with her faith, her clinging trust in God. + +"A clinging trust is, indeed, all that I have left," she had replied +so sadly that his eye suddenly moistened; "but the waves of trouble +seem strong and pitiless, and I sometimes fear that my hands +are growing numb and powerless. In plain prose, I'm just plodding +on--God knows whither. In my weary, faltering way I am trying to +trust Him," she added, after a brief silence, "and I always hope +to; but I am so tired, Mr. Wentworth, so depressed, that I'm like +the soldiers that have been described to me as marching on with +heavy eyes and heavy feet because they must. There is no use +in my coming to the chapel, for I haven't the heart to say a word +of cheer to any one, and hollow words would hurt me, while doing +no good. I am trying your charity sorely, but I can't help it. I +fear you cannot understand me, for even your Christian sympathy is +a burden. I'm too tired, too sorely wounded to make any response; +while all the time I feel that I ought to respond gratefully and +earnestly. It seems a harsh and unnatural thing to say, but my chief +wish is to shrink away from everybody and everything not essential +to my daily work. I think I shall have strength enough to keep up +a mechanical routine of life for a long time, but you must not ask +me to think or give way to feeling, much less to talk about myself +and--and--the others. If I should lose this stolid self-control +which I am gaining, and which enables me to plod along day by day +with my eyes shut to what may be on the morrow, I believe I should +become helpless from despair and grief." + +"My dear child," the clergyman had replied, in deep solicitude, "I +fear you are dangerously morbid; and yet I don't know. This approach +to apathy of which you speak may be God's shield from thoughts that +would be sharp arrows. I can't help my honest sympathy, and I hope +and trust that I may soon be able to show it in some helpful way--I +mean in the way of finding you more remunerative and less cruel +work," he added quickly, as he saw a faint flush rising in the young +girl's face. Then he concluded, gravely and gently, "Miss Mildred, +I respect you--I respect even your pride; but, in the name of our +common faith and the bonds it implies, do not carry it too far. +Good-by. Come to me whenever you need, or your conscience suggests +my name," and the good man went away wholly bent on obtaining some +better employment for Mildred; and he made not a little effort +to do so, only to find every avenue of labor suited to the girl's +capacity already thronged. Meanwhile the needs and sorrows of +others absorbed his time and thoughts. + +Belle, because of her thorough liking and respect for Mr. Wentworth, +and even more for the reason that he had obtained her promise to +come, was rarely absent from her class, and the hour spent at the +chapel undoubtedly had a good and restraining influence; but over +and against this one or two hours in seven days were pitted the +moral atmosphere of the shop, the bold admiration and advances +in the streets, which were no longer unheeded and were scarcely +resented, and the demoralizing sights and sounds of a tenement-house. +The odds were too great for poor Belle. Like thousands of other +girls, she stood in peculiar need of sheltered home life, and +charity broad as heaven should be exercised toward those exposed +as she was. + +As Mr. Jocelyn sank deeper in degradation, Mildred's morbid impulse +to shrink, cower, and hide, in such poor shelter as she had, grew +stronger, and at last she did little more than try to sleep through +the long, dreary Sabbaths, that she might have strength for the almost +hopeless struggle of the week. She was unconsciously drifting into +a hard, apathetic materialism, in which it was her chief effort not +to think or remember--from the future she recoiled in terror--but +simply to try to maintain her physical power to meet the daily +strain. + +It is a sad and terrible characteristic of our Christian city, that +girls, young, beautiful, and unprotected like Mildred and Belle, +are the natural prey of remorseless huntsmen. Only a resolute +integrity, great prudence and care, can shield them; and these not +from temptation and evil pursuit, but only from the fall which such +snares too often compass. + +Of these truths Mildred had a terrible proof. A purer-hearted girl +than she never entered the maelstrom of city life; but those who +looked upon her lovely face looked again, and lingeringly, and +there was one who had devoured her beauty daily with wolfish eyes. +In charge of the department of the shop wherein she toiled, there +was a man who had long since parted with the faintest trace of +principle or conscience. He was plausible, fine-looking, after a +certain half-feminine type, and apparently vigilant and faithful +in his duties as a floor-walker; but his spotless linen concealed +a heart that plotted all the evil his hands dared to commit. For +him Mildred had possessed great attractions from the first; and, +with the confidence bestowed by his power, and many questionable +successes, he made his first advances so openly that he received +more than one public and stinging rebuff. A desire for revenge, +therefore, had taken entire possession of him, and with a serpent's +cold, deadly patience he was waiting for a chance to uncoil and +strike. Notwithstanding his outward civility, Mildred never met +the expression of his eyes without a shudder. + +From frank-tongued Belle, Roger had obtained some hints of this +man's earlier attentions, and of his present ill-concealed dislike--a +latent hostility which gave Mildred no little uneasiness, since, +by some pretext, he might cause her dismissal. She knew too well +that they were in such straits now that they could not afford one +hour's idleness. Roger therefore nursed a bitter antipathy against +the fellow. + +One evening, late in March, the former was taking his usual brief +walk before sitting down to long hours of study. He was at liberty +to go whither he pleased, and not unnaturally his steps, for the +hundredth time, perhaps, passed the door through which he could +catch a glimpse of the young girl, who, with apparent hopelessness, +and yet with such pathetic patience, was fighting a long battle +with disheartening adversity. He was later than usual, and the +employees were beginning to leave. Suddenly the obnoxious floor-walker +appeared at the entrance with a hurried and intent manner. Then he +paused a second or two and concealed himself behind a show-case. +Roger now saw that his eyes were fixed on a girl who had just +preceded him, and who, after a furtive glance backward, hastened +up the avenue. Her pursuer--for such he evidently was--followed +instantly, and yet sought to lose himself in the crowd so that she +could not detect him. Partly in the hope of learning something to +the disadvantage of one who might have it in his power to injure +Mildred, and partly from the motive of adding zest to an aimless +walk, Roger followed the man. + +The girl, with another quick glance over her shoulder, at last turned +down a side street, and was soon walking alone where passengers +were few and the street much in shadow; here her pursuer joined +her, and she soon evinced violent agitation, stopping suddenly with +a gesture of indignant protest. He said something, however, that +subdued her speedily, and they went on together for some little +distance, the man talking rapidly, and then they turned into a +long, dark passage that led to some tenements in the rear of those +fronting on the street. About midway in this narrow alley a single +gas jet burned, and under its light Roger saw them stop, and the +girl produce from beneath her waterproof cloak something white, that +appeared like pieces of wound lace. The man examined them, made a +memorandum, and then handed them back to the girl, who hesitated +to take them; but his manner was so threatening and imperious that +she again concealed them on her person. As they came out together, +Roger, with hat drawn over his eyes, gave them a glance which fixed +the malign features of the man and the frightened, guilty visage +of the girl on his memory. They regarded him suspiciously, but, +as he went on without looking back, they evidently thought him a +casual passer-by. + +"It's a piece of villany," Roger muttered, "but of what nature I +have no means of discovering, even were it any affair of mine. I am +satisfied of one thing, however--that man's a scoundrel; seemingly +he has the girl in his power, and it looks as if she had been +stealing goods and he is compounding the felony with her." + +If he had realized the depth of the fellow's villany he would not +have gone back to his studies so quietly, for the one nearest to +his heart was its object. The scene he had witnessed can soon be +explained. Goods at the lace counter had been missed on more than +one occasion, and it had been the hope of Mildred's enemy that he +might fasten the suspicion upon her. On this evening, however, he +had seen the girl in question secrete two or three pieces as she +was folding them up, and he believed she had carried them away with +her. Immediately on joining her he had charged her with the theft, +and in answer to her denials threatened to have her searched +before they parted. Then in terror she admitted the fact, and was +in a condition to become his unwilling accomplice in the diabolical +scheme suggested by his discovery. + +He had said to her, in effect, that he suspected another girl--namely, +Mildred Jocelyn--and that if she would place the goods in the pocket +of this girl's cloak on the following afternoon he would by this +act be enabled to extort a confession from her also, such as he had +received in the present case. He then promised the girl in return +for this service that he would make no complaint against her, but +would give her the chance to find another situation, which she must +do speedily, since he could no longer permit her to remain in the +employ of the house for whom he acted. She was extremely reluctant +to enter into this scheme, but, in her confusion, guilt, and fear, +made the evil promise, finding from bitter experience that one sin, +like an enemy within the walls, opens the gate to many others. She +tried to satisfy such conscience as she had with the thought that +Mildred was no better than herself, and that the worst which could +happen to the object of this sudden conspiracy was a quiet warning +to seek employment elsewhere. The man himself promised as much, +although he had no such mild measures in view. It was his design +to shame Mildred publicly, to break down her character, and render +her desperate. He had learned that she had no protector worthy +of the name, and believed that he could so adroitly play his part +that he would appear only as the vigilant and faithful servant of +his employers. + +Mildred, all unconscious of the pit dug beneath her feet, was passing +out the following evening into the dreary March storm, when the +foreman touched her shoulder and said that one of the proprietors +wished to see her. In much surprise, and with only the fear of one +whose position meant daily bread for herself and those she loved +better than self, she followed the man to the private office, where +she found two of the firm, and they looked grave and severe indeed. + +"Miss Jocelyn," began the elder, without any circumlocution, "laces +have been missed from your department, and suspicion rests on you. +I hope you can prove yourself innocent." + +The charge was so awful and unexpected that she sank, paie and +faint, into a chair, and the appearance of the terror-stricken girl +was taken as evidence of guilt. But she goon rallied sufficiently +to say, with great earnestness, "Indeed, sir, I am innocent." + +"Assertion is not proof. Of course you are willing, then, to be +searched?" + +She, Mildred Jocelyn, searched for stolen goods! Searched, alone, +in the presence of these dark-browed, frowning men! The act, the +indignity, seemed overwhelming. A hot crimson flush mantled her +face, and her womanhood rose in arms against the insult. + +"I do not fear being searched," she said indignantly; "but a woman +must perform the act." + +"Certainly," said her employer; "we do not propose anything +indecorous; but first call an officer." + +They were convinced that they had found the culprit, and were +determined to make such an example of her as would deter all others +in the shop from similar dishonesty. + +Mildred was left to herself a few moments, faint and bewildered, +a whirl of horrible thoughts passing through her mind; and then, +conscious of innocence, she began to grow calm, believing that the +ordeal would soon be over. Nevertheless she had received a shock +which left her weak and trembling, as she followed two of the most +trusty women employed in the shop to a private apartment, at whose +door she saw a bulky guardian of the law. The majority, unaware +of what had taken place, had departed; but such as remained had +lingered, looking in wonder at the hasty appearance of the policeman, +and the intense curiosity had been heightened when they saw him +stationed near an entrance through which Mildred was speedily led. +They at once surmised the truth, and waited for the result of the +search in almost breathless expectation. The girl who had done +Mildred so deep a wrong had hastened away among the first, and so +was unaware of what was taking place; the chief conspirator, from +an obscure part in the now half-lighted shop, watched with cruel +eyes the working of his plot. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIII + +MILDRED IN A PRISON CELL + + +Not from any sense of guilt, but rather from the trembling +apprehensiveness of one whose spirit is already half broken by +undeserved misfortune, Mildred tottered to a chair within the small +apartment to which she had been taken. With an appealing glance to +the two women who stood beside her she said, "Oh, hasten to prove +that I am innocent! My burden was already too heavy, and this is +horrible." + +"Miss Jocelyn," replied the elder of the women, in a matter-of-fact +tone, "it's our duty to search you thoroughly, and, if innocent, +you will not fear it. There will be nothing 'horrible' about the +affair at all, unless you have been stealing, and it seems to me +that an honest girl would show more nerve." + +"Search me, then--search as thoroughly as you please," cried Mildred, +with an indignant flush crimsoning her pale, wan face. "I'd sooner +starve a thousand times than take a penny that did not belong to +me." + +Grimly and silently, and with a half-incredulous shrug, the woman, +whose mind had been poisoned against Mildred, began her search, +first taking off the young girl's waterproof cloak. "Why is the +bottom of this side-pocket slit open?" she asked severely. "What +is this, away down between the lining and the cloth?" and she drew +out two pieces of valuable lace. + +Mildred looked at the ominous wares with dilated eyes, and for a +moment was speechless with astonishment and terror. + +"Your words and deeds are a trifle discordant," began the woman, +in cold satire, "but your manner is more in keeping." + +"I know nothing about that lace," Mildred exclaimed passionately. +"This is a plot against--" + +"Oh, nonsense!" interrupted the woman harshly. "Here, officer," +she continued, opening the door, "take your prisoner. These goods +were found upon her person, concealed within the lining of her +cloak," and she showed him where the lace had been discovered. + +"A mighty clear case," was his grinning reply; "still you must be +ready to testify to-morrow, unless the girl pleads guilty, which +will be her best course." + +"What are you going to do with me?" asked Mildred, in a hoarse +whisper. + +"Oh, nothing uncommon, miss--only what is always done under such +circumstances. We'll give you free lodgings to-night, and time to +think a bit over your evil ways." + +One of the seniors of the firm, who had drawn near to the door and +had heard the result of the search, now said, with much indignation, +and in a tone that all present could hear, "Officer, remove your +prisoner, and show no leniency. Let the law take its full course, +for we intend to stamp out all dishonesty from our establishment, +most thoroughly." + +"Come," said the policeman, roughly laying his hand on the shoulder +of the almost paralyzed girl. + +"Where?" she gasped. + +"Why, to the station-house, of course," he answered impatiently. + +"Oh, you can't mean THAT." + +"Come, come, no nonsense, no airs. You knew well enough that +the station-house and jail were at the end of the road you were +travelling. People always get found out, sooner or later. If you +make me trouble in arresting you, it will go all the harder with +you." + +"Can't I--can't I send word to my friends?" + +"No, indeed, not now. Your pals must appear in court to-morrow." + +She looked appealingly around, and on every face within the circle +of light saw only aversion and anger, while the cruel, mocking eyes +of the man whose coarse advances she had so stingingly resented +were almost fiendish in their exultation. + +"It's of no use," she muttered bitterly. "It seems as if all +the world, and God Himself, were against me," and giving way to a +despairing apathy she followed the officer out of the store--out +into the glaring lamplight of the street, out into the wild March +storm that swept her along toward prison. To her morbid mind +the sleet-lad en gale seemed in league with all the other malign +influences that were hurrying her on to shame and ruin. + +"Hi, there! Look where you are going," thundered the policeman to +a passenger who was breasting the storm, with his umbrella pointed +at an angle that threatened the officer's eye. + +The umbrella was thrown back, and then flew away on the gale from +the nerveless hands of Roger Atwood. Dumb and paralyzed with wonder, +he impeded their progress a moment as he looked into Mildred's +white face. At last a time had come when she welcomed his presence, +and she cried, "Oh, Mr. Atwood, tell them at home--tell them I'm +innocent." + +"What does this outrage mean?" he demanded, in a tone that cause +the officer to grasp his club tightly. + +"It means that if you interfere by another word I'll arrest you +also. Move on, and mind your business." + +"Miss Jocelyn, explain," he said earnestly to her, without budging +an inch, and the comparatively few passers-by began to gather around +them. + +"You can have no communication with the prisoner on the street," +said the arm of the law roughly; "and if you don't get out of my +way you'll be sorry." + +"Please don't draw attention to me," entreated Mildred hurriedly. +"You can do nothing. I'm falsely accused--tell them at home." + +He passed swiftly on her side, and, as he did so, whispered, "You +shall not be left alone a moment. I'll follow, and to-morrow prove +you innocent," for, like a flash, the scene he had witnessed the +evening before came into his mind. + +"Quit that," warned the officer, "or I'll--" but the young man was +gone. He soon turned, however, and followed until he saw Mildred +led within the station-house door. The storm was so severe as to +master the curiosity of the incipient crowd, and only a few street +gamins followed his example. He was wary now, and, having regained +his self-control, he recognized a task that would tax his best +skill and tact. + +Having watched until he saw the officer who had made the arrest +depart, he entered the station-house. To the sergeant on duty behind +the long desk he said, with much courtesy, "I am a friend of Miss +Jocelyn, a young woman recently brought to this station. I wish to +do nothing contrary to your rules, but I would like to communicate +with her and do what I can for her comfort. Will you please explain +to me what privileges may be granted to the prisoner and to her +friends?" + +"Well, this is a serious case, and the proof against her is almost +positive. The stolen goods were found upon her person, and her +employers have charged that there be no leniency." + +"Her employers could not have wished her treated cruelly, and if +they did, you are not the man to carry out their wishes," Roger +insinuated. "All that her friends ask is kindness and fair play within +the limits of your rules. Moreover, her friends have information +which will show her to be innocent, and let me assure you that +she is a lady by birth and breeding, although the family has been +reduced to poverty. She has influential friends." + +His words evidently had weight with the sergeant, and Roger's bearing +was so gentlemanly that the official imagined that the young man +himself might represent no mean degree of social and political +influence. + +"Yes," he said, "I noticed that she wasn't one of the common sort." + +"And you must have observed also that she was delicate and frail +looking." + +"Yes, that, too, was apparent, and we have every disposition to be +humane toward prisoners. You can send her some supper and bedding, +and if you wish to write to her you can do so, but must submit what +you write to the captain of the precinct. I'm expecting him every +minute." + +Roger wrote rapidly: + +"Miss JOCELYN--Your friends fully believe in your innocence, and I +think I can say without doubt that they have the means of proving +it. Much depends on your maintaining strength and courage. Bedding +will be sent to make you comfortable, and, for the sake of your +mother and those you love at home, I hope you will not refuse the +supper that shall soon be sent also. I have ever believed that you +were the bravest girl in the world, and now that so much depends +on your fortitude and nerve, I am sure you will second the efforts +of those who are trying to aid you. With the strongest respect and +sympathy, ROGER ATWOOD." + +The captain, who soon appeared, saw no objection to this note, and +promised that it should be sent to Mildred. + +Roger then went to the nearest restaurant, and procured a delicate +and inviting supper, which, with a generous pot of coffee, he +carried so swiftly through the storm that it was sent smoking hot +to the cell in which Mildred was confined. + +He then hastened to a livery-stable, and, having obtained a carriage, +was driven rapidly to the tenement in which the Jocelyns had their +rooms. Mr. Jocelyn, fortunately, was absent; for Mildred's natural +protector would only have made matters far worse. If the guardians +of the law had looked upon the wrecked and fallen man they would have +felt that the daughter's alleged crime was already half explained. +But a visit from Mrs. Jocelyn would make a far different impression, and +he determined that she alone should accompany him to the station-house. + +It would be useless to pain the reader with Mrs. Jocelyn's distress, +and for a time Roger thought the tidings would crush the already +stricken woman; but in answer to his appeal she soon rallied in defence +of her child. At his request she assumed, as far as possible, the +garb of a lady--the appearance and bearing of one was inseparable +from her. It was with much difficulty that he persuaded the weeping +and indignant Belle to remain with the children, for he well knew +that she was far too excitable to deal with the police. Having made +every provision possible for Mildred's comfort, they soon reached +the station-house, and the sergeant in charge greeted them politely; +but on learning their errand he frowned, and said to Mrs. Jocelyn, +"No, you can't see her till she is brought into court to-morrow." + +In answer to the mother's appeals and Roger's expostulations he +remarked impatiently, "Do you think I'm going to disobey orders? +Either take my answer or wait till the captain comes in again." + +They had no other resource, and sat down to weary waiting, the +mother weeping silently, and Roger, with sternly knit brows, deep +in thought. + +At last the captain returned, and the sergeant rose and said, +"Here's the mother of the girl who was taken with stolen goods on +her person. She wishes to speak with you." + +"Well, what is it?" demanded the police-captain a little harshly, +turning toward Mrs. Jocelyn; but his manner softened as he looked +upon the thin, delicate features which had not yet lost their old, +sweet charm, and which now were eloquent with a mother's unspeakable +grief and solicitude. "Don't be frightened, madam," he added, +somewhat kindly, as he saw the poor woman's ineffectual efforts +to rise and speak. "I'm human, and not more hard-hearted than my +duties require." + +At last Mrs. Jocelyn burst forth: "If you have a heart at all, sir, +save mine from breaking. My child is innocent--it will be proved +to-morrow. A year ago we had a happy, beautiful home, and my girl +a father whom all men respected. We've had misfortunes, that, thank +God, fall to the lot of few, but my child has kept herself spotless +through them all. I can prove this. She is in prison to-night +through no fault of hers. Oh, sir, in the name of mother-love, can +you keep me from my child? Can I not see her even for a moment, +and say to her one reassuring word? She may go mad from fear and +shame. She may die. Oh, sir, if you have the heart of a man, let +me see her, let me speak to her. You, or any one, may be present +and see that I mean no harm." + +"There certainly has been some dreadful mistake," Roger put in +hastily, as he saw the man was irresolute, and was regarding the +suppliant sympathetically. "People who must command your respect +will be glad to testify that Miss Jocelyn's character is such as +to render impossible anything dishonorable on her part." + +"Let me warn you," said the officer keenly, "that any such negative +testimony will have but little weight against the positive facts +in the case." + +"Oh, let me see my child," cried Mrs. Jocelyn, in tones of such +passionate pathos that his scruples gave way, and he said to the +sergeant, "Let her see the girl! I'd be a brute to deny her, even +if it is against our rules. The doorman need not stand near enough +to embarrass them." + +As Mrs. Jocelyn eagerly descended to the cells in the basement, the +captain remarked to Eoger, "The girl's friends will have to bestir +themselves if they clear her. The evidence is so strong that she'll +be committed for further trial, without doubt." + +"I think she'll be discharged to-morrow," replied Roger quietly. +"I thank you for your kindness to Mrs. Jocelyn." + +"Mere statements as to the girl's previous character will not clear +her," resumed the captain emphatically. "You are a relative, lover, +or something, I suppose. This poor woman has knocked my routine +methods a little out of gear. One rarely sees a face like hers in +a station-house. She evidently comes of no common stock, and I'd +like to hear that the charge is all a mistake, as you claim; but, +young man, you can't meet criminal charges with generalities. You've +got to show that she didn't steal that lace. I wish you success, +for the mother's sake at least," and he passed into his private +room. + +As Mildred was about to enter the station-house she had looked +back, hoping, for the first time in her life, that Roger Atwood +was near. The eager and reassuring wave of his hand satisfied her +that he would know the place of her imprisonment, and that he would +do for her all within his power. Again he had appeared in the hour +of misfortune and bitter humiliation. But, inspite of her heart, +she now did justice to his sturdy loyalty, and she was comforted and +sustained by the thought that not quite all the world was against +her. She also knew that he would relieve her mother and Belle from +unendurable anxiety on account of her absence, and that he would +summon Mr. Wentworth to her aid. His promise to prove her innocent +had meant nothing to her more than that he would inform and rally +all of her friends. That he could know anything that would throw +light on the evil mystery did not seem possible. She was then +too miserable and depressed to do much more than wait, in a sort +of stunned torpor, for what might next occur. Mechanically she +answered such questions as were put to her in order that a record +of the case might be made, and then was led to the cells below. +She shuddered as she saw the dimly lighted stairway, and it seemed +to her morbid fancy that she was to be thrust into a subterranean +dungeon. Such, in a certain sense, it was; for in some of the older +station-houses the cells are located in the basement. At the end +of the corridor, nearest the street, she saw several women, and, +unkempt and disgusting as these station-house tramps appeared, the +fact that some of her own sex were near was reassuring. A prison +was to her a place full of nameless horrors, for the romances she +had read in brighter days gave to it the associations of medieval +dungeons. Of the prosaic character of a modern jail she knew nothing, +and when she was placed within a bare cell, and the grated iron +door was locked upon her, the horrible desolation of her position +seemed as complete and tragic a fate as had ever overtaken the +unfortunate in the cruel past. She sat down upon the grimy wooden +bench, which was the only provision made for rest or comfort, +and the thought of spending a lonely night in such a place was +overpowering. Not that she could hope for sleep, even if there were +downy pillows instead of this unredeemed couch of plank on which +some beastly inebriate may have slept off his stupor the night +before, but she felt weak and faint, and her overtaxed physical +nature craved some support and rest. + +Distress of mind, however, soon made her forget all this, as her +faculties slowly rallied from the shock they had received, and she +began to realize that she was charged with a crime of which it might +be difficult--perhaps impossible--to prove her innocence. At best, +she feared she would always be so clouded with suspicion that all +would refuse to employ her, and that her blighted life and undeserved +shame, added to her father's character, would drag the family down +to the lowest depths. The consequences to them all, and especially +to Belle, seemed so threatening and terrible that she wrung her +hands and moaned aloud. + +At every sound she started up, nervous and morbidly apprehensive. +The grating of the key in the iron door had given her a sense of +relief and refuge. The massive bars that shut her in also shut out +the brutal and criminal, who were associated with a prison in her +mind; the thoughts of whom had filled her very soul with terror, +when she was first arrested. As it was early in the evening she +happened to be the first prisoner, and she prayed that there might +be no others, for the possibility that some foul, drunken man might +be thrust into an adjoining cell made her flesh creep. How many +long, sleepless hours must pass before morning could bring any +hope of release! And yet she dreaded the coming day unspeakably, +for her path to freedom lay through a police court, with all its +horrible publicity. Her name might get into the papers, and proud +Mrs. Arnold treasure up every scrap of such intelligence about her. +The tidings of her shame might be sent to her who as Miss Wetheridge +had been her friend, and even she would shrink from one around whom +clung such disgraceful associations. Again and again she asked +herself, How could the charge against her be met? How could the +family live without her? What would become of them? Belle, alas, +would be rendered utterly reckless, because hopeless. The unhappy +prisoner was far beyond tears. Even her faith in God failed her, +for, seemingly, He had left her the victim of cruel wrong and +unredeemed misfortune. With her hot, dry eyes buried in her hands +she sat motionless and despairing, and the moments passed like +hours. + +At this crisis in her despair Roger's note was handed to her, +and it was like the north star suddenly shining out on one who is +benighted and lost. It again kindled hope, without which mind and +body give way in fatal dejection. She kissed the missive passionately, +murmuring, with eyes heavenward, "If he can clear my name from +dishonor, if he will rescue my loved ones from the poverty and +shame which are now threatening such terrible evils, I will make +any sacrifice that he can ask. I will crush out my old vain love, +if I die in the effort. My heart shall not prove a traitor to those +who are true and loyal at such a time. He can save mamma, Belle, +and the children from hopeless poverty, and perhaps destruction. +If he will, and it is his wish, I'll give all there is left of my +unhappy self. I will be his loyal wife--would to God I could be +his loving wife! Oh, would to God he had loved Belle instead of me! +I could be devotion itself as his sister. But surely I can banish +my old fond dream--which was never more than a dream--when one so +deserving, so faithful, is willing to give me his strong, helpful +hand. We are both very young; it will be years before--before--and, +surely, in so long a time, I can conquer my infatuation for one +who has left me all these dreary months without a word. A woman's +heart cannot be proof against reason, gratitude, and the sacred +duty owed to those she loves best. At any rate, mine shall not be, +and if he still craves the loyalty and--and--yes, the love of one +so shamed and impoverished as I am, he shall have all-ALL," and her +face grew stern with her purpose of self-mastery. She forced down +some of the food he sent, and drank the coffee. "I will be brave," +she murmured. "I will try to second his efforts to clear my name, +for death were better than shame. I shall, at least, try to deserve +his respect." + +Then musingly she added, "How can my friends have gained any +information that would prove me innocent? Mother and Belle cannot +know anything definite, nor can Mr. Wentworth. He promised in that +brief whisper when he passed me in the street that he would prove +it. Can he have learned anything in his strange vigilance? It seems +impossible. Alas, I fear that their best hope is to show that I +have hitherto borne a good character, and yet if my present home +and our poverty are described, if--worse than all--papa appears in +the court-room, I fear they will think the worst," and something of +her old despair began to return when she heard approaching footsteps. + +"Millie!" cried a loved and familiar voice. The key grated in the +lock, and in another moment she was sobbing on her mother's breast, +and her bruised heart was healed by the unutterable tenderness +of a mother's love. It filled the dark cell with the abounding, +undoubting, unquestioning spirit of unselfish devotion, which was +akin to the fragrance diffused from the broken box of alabaster. + +When sufficiently calm, Mildred told her mother what had happened, +and she in turn whispered that Roger had strong hopes that he could +prove her innocence on the following day, though how she did not +know. "And yet, Millie," she concluded, "for some reason he inspires +me with confidence, for while he feels so deeply, he is quiet and +thoughtful about the least thing. Nothing seems to escape his mind, +and he says he has some information of which he does not think it +best to speak at present. He entreats you to take courage, and says +that if you will 'keep up and be your brave, true self, gentle and +strong,' you can do much to aid him. We will all stand by you, +and Mr. Wentworth will be with us." + +"Where--where is papa?" faltered Mildred, with a slight flush. "I +don't know," responded the wife, with a deep sob. + +"Alas, mother, it's cruel to say it, but it will be best that he +should not appear at all. Keep him away if possible. I hope he may +never know anything about it, unless you think this terrible result +of his course may awaken him to a final struggle to do right. I +would gladly suffer anything to save him." + +"No, Millie, he would not be his old self if he came into court," +said her mother dejectedly, "and his appearance and manner might +turn the scale against you. Our best hope is to let Roger manage +everything. And now, good-by, my darling. God sustain you. Do not +fear anything to night. Roger says you are safe, and that his only +dread is that you may become nervously prostrated, and he relies on +your help to-morrow. I can't stay any longer. Oh, God, how glad I +would be if I could hold you in my arms all night! Belle is strongly +excited, and says she will never believe a word against you, nor +will any of your true friends--alas! I wish we had more." + +"Time is up," warned the doorman. + +"Tell Mr. Atwood that I am deeply grateful for his aid, and more +grateful for his trust," said Mildred. + +"Courage, Millie; you can sustain me by keeping up yourself. You +will find us in the court-room waiting for you." + +With an embrace in which heart throbbed against heart they separated, and +the poor girl was comforted and more hopeful in spite of herself, +for while she would shrink from Roger, her confidence in his +shrewdness and intelligence had made such growth that she half +believed he would find some way of proving her innocent, although +how he had obtained any evidence in her favor she could not imagine. +The bedding brought by her mother transformed the cellbunk into +a comfortable couch, and she lay down and tried to rest, so as +to be ready to do her part, and her overtaxed nature soon brought +something like sleep. She was startled out of her half-consciousness +by a shrill cry, and sprang to her feet. There was a confused sound +of steps on the stairs, and then again the same wild cry that almost +made her heart stand still. A moment later two policemen appeared, +dragging a woman who was resisting and shrieking with demoniacal +fury. + +The sight was a horrible one. The faces of the great, stalwart +men were reddened by exertion, for the woman seemed to possess +supernatural strength, and their familiarity with crime was not so +great as to prevent strong expressions of disgust. Little wonder, +for if a fiend could embody itself in a woman, this demented creature +would leave nothing for the imagination. Her dress was wet, torn, +and bedraggled; her long black hair hung dishevelled around a white, +bloated face, from which her eyes gleamed with a fierceness like +that of insanity. + +With no little difficulty they thrust her into a cell opposite the +one in which Mildred was incarcerated, and as one of the men turned +the key upon her he said roughly, "Stay there now, you drunken +she-devil, till you are sober," and breathing heavily from their +efforts they left the poor wretch to the care of the jailer. + +Mildred shrank away. Not for the world would she encounter the +woman's frenzied eyes. Then she stopped her ears that she might +not hear the horrid din and shameful language, which made the place +tenfold more revolting. The man in charge of the cells sat dozing +stolidly by the stove, some distance away. His repose was not to +be disturbed by such familiar sounds. + +At last the woman became quiet, and Mildred breathed more freely, +until some mysterious sounds, suggesting that her terrible neighbor +was trying to open her door, awakened her fears, for even the +thought of her coming any nearer made her tremble. She therefore +sprang up and looked between the iron bars. At first she was perplexed +by what she saw, and then her heart stood still, for she soon made +out that the woman was hanging by the neck, from the highest bar +of her cell door. "Help," Mildred shrieked; "quick, if you would +save life." + +The man by the stove sprang up and rushed forward. + +"There, see--oh, be quick!" + +The jailer comprehended the situation at once, unlocked the door, +and cut the parts of her clothing which the woman had improvised +into a halter. She soon revived, and cursed him for his interference. +He now watched her carefully, paying no heed to her horrible tongue, +until the crazed stage of her intoxication passed into stupor. +[Footnote: The writer saw the cell in which, on the evening before, +the woman described tried twice to destroy herself. He also saw +the woman herself, when brought before the police justice. She had +seen twenty-five years, but in evil she seemed old indeed. According +to her story, she was a daughter of the uritans.] To Mildred he +said, reassuringly, "Don't be afraid; you're as safe as if you were +at home." + +"Home, home, home!" moaned the poor girl. "Oh, what a mockery that +word has become! My best hope may soon be to find one in heaven." + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIV + +"A WISE JUDGE" + + +When the interminable night would end Mildred could not guess, for +no dawning was visible from her basement cell. The woman opposite +gradually became stupid and silent. Other prisoners were brought +in from time to time, but they were comparatively quiet. A young +girl was placed in a cell not far away, and her passionate weeping +was pitiful to hear. The other prisoners were generally intoxicated +or stolidly indifferent, and were soon making the night hideous +with their discordant respiration. + +The place had become so terrible to Mildred that she even welcomed +the presence of the policeman who had arrested her, and who at +last came to take her to the police court. Must she walk with him +through the streets in the open light of day? She feared she would +faint on what, in her weakness, would be a long journey, and her +heart gave a great throb of gratitude as she saw Eoger awaiting +her in the large general room, or entrance, to the station-house. +Nor was her appreciation of his kindness diminished when she saw +a man in attendance--evidently a waiter from a restaurant--with a +plate of sandwiches and a pot of coffee. Roger came forward, eagerly +grasping her hand, and there was so much solicitude and sympathy +in his dark eyes that her tears began to gather, and a faint color +to suffuse the pallor that at first had startled him. + +"Mr. Atwood," she murmured, "you are kindness itself, and I have +not deserved it. Forgive me. I will try not to fail you to-day, +for your respect sustains me, and I would not lose it." + +"I knew your brave spirit would second all our efforts," he +said in like low tones, and with a bright, grateful look. "Here, +waiter--come, Miss Jocelyn, it's by just such prosaic means that +soldiers sustain the fight. You'll dine at home." + +"Yes, hurry up," added the officer; "we have no time now for words +or ceremony." + +She ate a few mouthfuls, and drank some coffee. "I cannot take any +more now," she said to Roger. + +Oh, how plainly her womanly instinct divined his unbounded loyalty; +and, with bitter protest at her weakness, she knew with equal +certainty that she shrank from his love with her old, unconquerable +repugnance. With a dissimulation which even he did not penetrate, +she looked her thanks as the officer led the way to the street, +and said, "Since your friends provide the carriage, you can ride, +miss; only we can't part company." + +She stepped into the coach, the policeman taking the opposite seat. + +"Oh, God, how pale and wan she is! This will kill her," Roger +groaned, as she sprang up on the box with the driver. + +It was so early that few were abroad, and yet Mildred would not look +up. How could she ever look up again! The leaden clouds seemed to +rest upon the steeples of the churches. Churches! and such scenes +as she had witnessed, and such a wrong as hers, were taking place +under the shadow of their spires! + +Roger had passed as sleepless a night as had fallen to Mildred's +lot, and bitterly he regretted that he had been able to accomplish +so little. Mr. Wentworth was out of town, and would not be back for +a day or two. Then he sought the judge before whom Mildred would +appear the following morning, and learned, with dismay, that he, +too, had gone to a neighboring city, and would return barely in +time to open court at the usual hour! He had hoped that, by telling +his story beforehand, the judge would adopt his plan of discovering +the real culprit. This was still his hope, for, after long thought, +he determined not to employ counsel, fearing it would lead to a +prolongation of the case. His strong characteristic of self-reliance +led him to believe that he could manage the affair best alone, and +he was confident from his own inexperience. The rain had ceased, +and for hours he paced the wet pavement near the station-house, +finding a kind of satisfaction in being as near as possible to the +one he loved, though utterly unable to say a reassuring word. + +Having learned that the prisoners might ride to court if the means +were provided, he had a carriage ready long before the appointed +time, and his presence did much to nerve Mildred for the ordeal +she so much dreaded. + +On reaching the entrance at which the prisoners were admitted, +he sprang down to assist Mildred to alight; but the officer said +gruffly, "Stand back, young man; you must have your say in the +court-room. You are a little too officious." + +"No, sir; I'm only most friendly." + +"Well, well, we have our rules," and he led the trembling girl +within the stony portals, and she was locked up in what is termed +"the box," with the other female prisoners, who were now arriving +on foot. + +This was, perhaps, the worst experience she had yet endured, and +she longed for the privacy of her cell again. Never before had +she come in contact with such debased wrecks of humanity, and she +blushed for womanhood as she cowered in the furthest corner and +looked upon her companions--brutal women, with every vice stamped +on their bloated features. The majority were habitual drunkards, +filthy in person and foul of tongue. True to their depraved instincts, +they soon began to ridicule and revile one who, by contrast, proved +how fallen and degraded they were. And yet, not even from these +did the girl recoil with such horror as from some brazen harpies +who said words in her ear that made her hide her face with shame. +The officer in charge saw that she was persecuted, and sternly +interfered in her behalf, but from their hideous presence and +contact she could not escape. + +By some affinity not yet wholly obliterated, the girl she had heard +weeping in the night shrank to her side, and her swollen eyes and +forlorn appearance could not hide the fact that she was very young, +and might be very pretty. Mildred knew not what to say to her, but +she took her hand and held it. This silent expression of sympathy +provoked another outburst of grief, and the poor young creature +sobbed on Mildred's shoulder as if her heart were breaking. Mildred +placed a sustaining arm around her, but her own sustaining truth +and purity she could not impart. + +A partition only separated her from the "box"--which was simply a +large wooden pen with round iron bars facing the corridor--to which +the male prisoners were brought, one after another, by the policemen +who had arrested them. The arrival of the judge was somewhat delayed, +and may the reader never listen to such language as profaned her +ears during the long hour and a half before the opening of the +court. + +Fortunately her turn came rather early, and she at last was ushered +to the doorway which looked upon the crowded court-room, and her +heart throbbed with hope as she singled out her mother, Belle, Mrs. +Wheaton, and Roger, from among long lines of curious and repulsive +faces. The former kissed their hands to her, and tried to give wan, +reassuring smiles, which their tears belied. Roger merely bowed +gravely, and then, with an expression that was singularly alert and +resolute, gave his whole attention to all that was passing. After +recognizing her friends, Mildred turned to the judge, feeling that +she would discover her fate in his expression and manner. Was he +a kindly, sympathetic man, unhardened by the duties of his office? +She could learn but little from his grave, impassive face. She soon +feared that she had slight cause for hope, for after what seemed +to her an absurdly brief, superficial trial, she saw two of her +companions of the "box" sentenced to three months' imprisonment. +The decision, which to her had such an awful import, was pronounced +in an off-hand manner, and in the matter-of-fact tone with which +one would dispose of bales of merchandise, and the floods of tears +and passionate appeals seemingly had no more effect on the arbiter +of their fates than if he had been a stony image. She could not +know that they were old offenders, whose character was well known +to the judge and the officers that had arrested them. Such apparent +haphazard justice or injustice had a most depressing effect upon +her and the weeping girl who stood a little in advance. + +The next prisoner who appeared before the bar received very different +treatment. He was a middle-aged man, and had the appearance and +was clothed in the garb of a gentleman. With nervously trembling +hands and bowed head, he stood before the judge, who eyed him +keenly, after reading the charge of intoxication in the streets. + +"Have you ever been arrested before?" he asked. + +"No indeed, sir," was the low, emphatic reply. "Come up here; I +wish to speak with you." + +The officer in attendance took the half-comprehending man by the +elbow and led him up within the bar before the long desk which ran +the whole width of the court-room, and behind which the judge sat +with his clerks and assistants. + +"Now tell me all about it," said the judge, and the man in a few +words told his story without any palliation. With a gleam of hope +Mildred saw the expression of the judge's face change as he listened, +and when at last he replied, in tones so low that none could hear +them save he to whom they were addressed, she saw that look which +wins all hearts--the benignant aspect of one who might condemn for +evil, but who would rather win and save from evil. The man slowly +lifted his eyes to the speaker's face, and hope and courage began +to show themselves in his bearing. The judge brought his extortation +to a practical conclusion, for he said, "Promise me that with God's +help you will never touch the vile stuff again." + +The promise was evidently sincere and hearty. "Give me your hand +on it," said his Honor. + +The man started as if he could scarcely believe his ears, then +wrung the judge's hand, while his eyes moistened with gratitude. +"You are at liberty. Good-morning, sir;" and the man turned and +walked through the crowded court-room, with the aspect of one to +whom manhood had been restored. + +Hope sprang up in Mildred's heart, for she now saw that her fate +was not in the hands of a stony-hearted slave of routine. She looked +toward her relatives, and greeted their tearful smiles with a wan +glimmer of light on her own face, and then she turned to watch the +fortunes of the weeping girl who followed next in order. She did +not know the charge, but guessed it only too well from the judge's +face, as the officer who had arrested her made his low explanation. +She, too, was summoned within the rail, and the judge began to +question her. At first she was too greatly overcome by her emotions +to answer. As she cowered, trembled, and sobbed, she might well +have been regarded as the embodiment of that shame and remorse +which overwhelm fallen womanhood before the heart is hardened and +the face made brazen by years of vice. Patiently and kindly the +judge drew from her faltering lips some pitiful story, and then he +talked to her in low, impressive tones, that seemed to go straight +to her despairing soul. A kind, firm, protecting hand might then +have led her back to a life of virtue, for such had been her bitter +foretastes of the fruits of sin that surely she would have gladly +turned from them, could the chance have been given to her. The +judge mercifully remitted her punishment, and gave her freedom. +Who received her, as she turned her face toward the staring throng +that intervened between her and the street? Some large-hearted +woman, bent on rescuing an erring sister? Some agent of one of the +many costly charities of the city? No, in bitter shame, no. Only +the vile madam who traded on the price of her body and soul, and +who, with vulture-like eyes, had watched the scene. She only had +stood ready to pay the fine, if one had been imposed according to +the letter of the law. She only received the weak and friendless +creature, from whom she held as pledges all her small personal +effects, and to whom she promised immediate shelter from the +intolerable stare that follows such victims of society. The girl's +weak, pretty face, and soft, white hands were but too true an +index to her infirm will and character, and, although fluttering +and reluctant, she again fell helpless into the talons of the harpy. +Hapless girl! you will probably stand at this bar again, and full +sentence will then be given against you. The judge frowned heavily +as he saw the result of his clemency, and then, as if it were an +old story, he turned to the next culprit. Mildred had been much +encouraged as she watched the issue of the two cases just described; +but as her eyes followed the girl wistfully toward the door of +freedom she encountered the cold, malignant gaze of the man who +had charge of her department at the shop, and who she instinctively +felt was the cause of her shameful and dangerous position. By his side +sat the two women who had searched her and the leading foreman of +the store. Sick and faint from apprehension, she turned imploringly +toward Roger, who was regarding the floor-walker with such vindictive +sternness that she felt the wretch's hour of reckoning would soon +come, whatever might be her fate. This added to her trouble, for +she feared that she was involving Roger in danger. + +No time was given for thoughts on such side issues, for the prisoner +preceding her in the line was sentenced, after a trial of three +minutes--a summary proceeding that was not hope-inspiring. + +The name of Mildred Jocelyn was now called, and there was a murmur +of expectant interest in the court-room, for she was not by any +means an ordinary prisoner in appearance, and there were not a few +present who knew something of the case. The young girl was pushed +before the bar, and would gladly have clung to it, in order to +support her trembling form. But while she could not infuse vigor +into her overtaxed muscles, her brave spirit rallied to meet the +emergency, and she fixed her eyes unwaveringly upon the judge, +who now for the first time noticed her attentively, and it did not +escape her intensely quickened perceptions that his eyes at once +grew kindly and sympathetic. Sitting day after day, and year after +year, in his position, he had gained a wonderful insight into +character, and in Mildred's pure, sweet face he saw no evidence of +guilt or of criminal tendencies. It was, indeed, white with fear, +and thin from wearing toil and grief; but this very pallor made +it seem only more spiritual and free from earthliness, while every +feature, and the unconscious grace of her attitude, bespoke high +breeding and good blood. + +First, the officer who arrested her told his story, and then the +elder of the two women who searched her was summoned as the first +witness. The judge looked grave, and he glanced uneasily at the +prisoner from time to time; but the same clear, steadfast eyes +met his gaze, unsullied by a trace of guilt. Then the second woman +corroborated the story of her associate, and the judge asked, "How +came you to suspect the prisoner so strongly as to search her?" +and at this point the floor-walker was summoned. + +The vigilant magistrate did not fail to note the momentary glance +of aversion and horror which Mildred bestowed upon this man, and +then her eyes returned with so deep and pathetic an appeal to his +face that his heart responded, and his judgment led him also to +believe that there was error and perhaps wrong in the prosecution. +Still he was compelled to admit to himself that the case looked very +dark for the girl, who was gaining so strong a hold on his sympathy. + +"I must inform your Honor," began the witness plausibly, after +having been sworn, "that laces had been missed from the department +in which this girl was employed, and I was keenly on the alert, +as it was my duty to be. Some suspicious circumstances led me to +think that the prisoner was the guilty party, and the search proved +my suspicions to be correct." + +"What were the suspicious circumstances?" + +The man seemed at a loss for a moment. "Well, your Honor, she went +to the cloak-room yesterday afternoon," he said. + +"Do not all the girls go to the cloak-room occasionally?" + +"Yes, but there was something in her face and manner that fastened +my suspicions upon her." + +"What evidences of guilt did you detect?" + +"I can scarcely explain--nothing very tangible. The evidences of +guilt were found on her person, your Honor." + +"Yes, so much has been clearly shown." + +"And she was very reluctant to be searched, which would not have +been the case had she been conscious of innocence." + +The woman who searched her was now asked, "Did she shrink from +search, in such a manner as to betoken guilt?" + +"I can't say that she did show any fear of being searched by us," +was the reply. "She refused to be searched in the private office +of the firm." + +"That is, in the presence of men? Quite naturally she did." Then to +the floor-walker, "Have your relations with this girl been entirely +friendly?" + +"I am glad to say I have no relations with her whatever. My relations +are the same that I hold to the other girls--merely to see that +they do their duty." + +"You are perfectly sure that you have never cherished any ill-will +toward her?" + +"So far from it, I was at first inclined to be friendly." + +"What do you mean by the term friendly?" + +"Well, your Honor" (a little confusedly), "the term seems plain +enough." + +"And she did not reciprocate your friendship?" was the keen query. + +"After I came to know her better, I gave her no occasion to reciprocate +anything; and, pardon me, your Honor, I scarcely see what bearing +these questions have on the plain facts in the case." + +A slight frown was the only evidence that the judge had noted the +impertinent suggestion that he did not know his business. + +"Are you perfectly sure that you cherish no ill-will toward the +prisoner?" + +"I simply wish to do my duty by my employers. I eventually learned +that her father was an opium-eater and a sot, and I don't fancy +that kind of people. That is my explanation," he concluded, with +a large attempt at dignity, and in a tone that he evidently meant +all should hear. + +"Her father is not on trial, and that information was uncalled for. +Have you any further testimony?" the judge asked coldly. + +"No, sir," and he stepped down amid a suppressed hiss in the +court-room, for the spectators evidently shared in the antipathy +with which he had inspired the keen-eyed but impassive and reticent +magistrate, who now beckoned Mildred to step up close to him, and +she came to him as if he were her friend instead of her judge. +He was touched by her trust; and her steadfast look of absolute +confidence made him all the more desirous of protecting her, if he +could find any warrant for doing so. She said to him unmistakably +by her manner, "I put myself in your hands." + +"My child," the judge began seriously, yet kindly, "this is a very +grave charge that is brought against you, and if it is your wish +you can waive further trial before me at this stage of proceedings, +for unless you can prove yourself innocent at this preliminary +examination, your case must be heard before a higher court. Perhaps +you had better obtain counsel, and have the whole matter referred +at once to the grand jury." + +"I would rather be tried by you, sir," Mildred replied, in a +vibrating voice full of deep, repressed feeling; "I am innocent. +It would be like death to me to remain longer under this shameful +charge. I have confidence in you. I know I am guiltless. Please +let me be tried now, NOW, for I cannot endure it any longer." + +"Very well, then;" and he handed her a small, grimy Bible, that, +no doubt, had been kissed by scores of perjured lips. But Mildred +pressed hers reverently upon it, as she swore to "tell the truth, +the whole truth, and nothing but the truth." + +After a few preliminary questions as to age, etc., the justice +said, reassuringly, "Now tell your story briefly and clearly." + +It was indeed a brief story, and it had the impress of truth; but +his Honor looked very grave as he recognized how little there was +in it to refute the positive testimony already given. "Have you +witnesses?" he asked. + +"My mother and sister are present, and--and--a young man who thinks +he knows something in my favor." + +"I will hear your mother first," said the judge, believing that in +her he would find the chief source of character; and when the sad, +refined gentlewoman stood beside her daughter, he was all the more +convinced that the girl ought to be innocent, and that all his +insight into character and its origin would be at fault if she were +not. In low, eager tones, Mrs. Jocelyn spoke briefly of their +misfortunes, and testified as to Mildred's conduct. "She has +been an angel of patience and goodness in our home," she said, in +conclusion; "and if this false charge succeeds, we shall be lost +and ruined indeed. My daughter's pastor is out of town, and in our +poverty we have few friends who could be of any service. An old +neighbor, Mrs. Wheaton, is present, and will confirm my words, if +you wish; but we would thank your Honor if you will call Mr. Roger +Atwood, who says he has information that will aid my child." + +"Very well, madam," responded the judge kindly, "we will hear Mr. +Atwood." + +Roger was now sworn, while Mrs. Jocelyn returned to her seat. In +the young fellow's frank, honest face the judge found an agreeable +contrast with the ill-omened visage of the floor-walker, whose good +looks could not hide an evil nature. + +"I must beg your Honor to listen to me with patience," Roger began +in a low tone, "for my testimony is peculiar, and does not go far +enough unless furthered by your Honor's skill in cross-questioning;" +and in eager tones, heard only by the judge, he told what he +had seen, and suggested his theory that if the girl, whom he had +followed two evenings before, could be examined previous to any +communication with her accomplice, she would probably admit the +whole guilty plot. + +The judge listened attentively, nodding approvingly as Roger +finished, and said, "Leave me to manage this affair. I wish you to +go at once with an officer, point out this girl to him, and bring +her here. She must not have communication with any one. Nor must +anything be said to her relating to the case by either you or the +officer. Leave her wholly to me." + +A subpoena was made out immediately and given to a policeman, with +a few whispered and emphatic injunctions, and Roger was told to +accompany him. + +"This case is adjourned for the present. You may sit with your +mother within the railing," he added kindly to Mildred. + +The floor-walker had been watching the turn that the proceedings +were taking with great uneasiness, and now was eager to depart, +in order to caution the girl that Roger was in pursuit of against +admitting the least knowledge of the affair; but the judge was too +quick for him, and remarked that he was not through with him yet, +and requested that he and the representative of the firm should remain. +The two women who had testified against Mildred were permitted to +depart. Then, as if dismissing the case from his mind, he proceeded +to dispose of the other prisoners. + +Belle joined her sister, and greeted her with great effusiveness, +looking ready to champion her against the world; but they at last +quieted her, and waited with trembling impatience and wonder for +the outcome of Roger's mission. + +The girl who had been led to wrong Mildred so greatly returned to the +shop that morning with many misgivings, which were much increased +when she learned what had occurred. She also felt that her accomplice +had dealt treacherously in allowing such serious proceedings against +Mildred, for he had promised that she should be merely taxed with +theft and warned to seek employment elsewhere. "If he deceives in +one respect he will in another, and I'm not safe from arrest either," +she said to herself, and she made so many blunders in her guilty +preoccupation that she excited the surprise of her companions. As +she was waiting on a customer she heard a voice remark, "That's the +girl," and looking up she grew faint and white as she saw, standing +before her, a policeman, who served his subpoena at once, saying, +"You must go with me immediately." + +Frightened and irresolute, she stammered that she knew nothing +about the affair. + +"Well, then, you must come and tell his Honor so." + +"Must I go?" she appealed to one of the firm, who happened to be +near. + +"Certainly," he replied, examining the subpoena; "go and tell all +you know, or if you don't know anything, say so." + +"I don't see why I should be dragged into the case--" she began +brazenly. + +"There's the reason," said the officer impatiently; "that subpoena +has the power of bringing any man or woman in the city." + +Seeing that resistance was useless, she sullenly accompanied them +to a street-car, and was soon in readiness to be called upon for +her testimony. The judge having disposed of the case then on trial, +Mildred was again summoned to the bar, and the unwilling witness +was sent for. She only had time to cast a reproachful glance at +the man who, she feared, had betrayed her, and who tried, by his +manner, to caution her, when the judge demanded her attention, he +having in the meantime noted the fellow's effort. + +"Stand there," he said, placing her so that her back was toward +the man who sought to signal silence. "Officer, swear her. Now," +he resumed severely, "any deviation from the truth, and the whole +truth, will be perjury, which, you know, is a State-prison offence. +I can assure you most honestly that it will be better for you, in +all respects, to hide nothing, for you will soon discover that I +know something about this affair." + +After the preliminary questions, which were asked with impressive +solemnity, he demanded, "Did you not leave the shop on Tuesday +evening, and pass up the Avenue to----Street?" + +"Yes, sir." + +"Did you not look back twice, to see if you were followed?" + +"I may have looked back." + +"You don't deny it, then?" + +"No, sir." + +"Did not Mr. Bissel, the floor-walker, join you in----Street, before +you had gone very far?" + +"Ye--yes, sir," with a start. + +"Did he not say something that agitated you very much?" + +"He may have frightened me," she faltered. + +"Yes, he probably did; but why? Did you not make a strong gesture +of protest against what he said?" + +"Yes, sir," with a troubled stare at the judge. + +"Did you not go on with him very quietly and submissively, after +a moment or two?" + +"Yes, sir," and her face now was downcast, and she began to tremble. + +"Did you not enter a covered alley-way, that led to tenements in +the rear?" + +"Yes, sir," with increasing agitation. + +"Well, what did you do there?" + +"Has he told on me, your Honor?" she gasped, with a sudden flood +of tears. + +"What he has done is no concern of yours. You are under oath to +tell the whole truth. There was a single gas-jet burning in the +covered passage-way, was there not?" + +"Yes, sir," sobbing violently. + +"Has Miss Mildred Jocelyn ever wronged you?" + +"N--no, sir, not that I know of." + +"Now tell me just what occurred under that gas-jet." + +"I'll tell your Honor the whole truth," the girl burst out, "if +your Honor'll let me off this time. It's my first offence, and +we're poor, and I was driven to it by need, and he promised me that +Miss Jocelyn wouldn't suffer anything worse than a warning to find +another place." + +Believing that her accomplice had betrayed her, she told the whole +story without any concealment, fully exonerating Mildred. Although +the judge maintained his stern, impassive aspect throughout the +scene, he hugely enjoyed the floor-walker's dismay and confusion, +and his tortured inability to warn the girl to deny everything. + +"Please, your Honor, forgive me this time," sobbed the trembling +witness in conclusion, "and I'll never do wrong again." + +"I have no right or power to punish you," replied the judge; "it +rests wholly with your employers whether they will prosecute you +or not. Send that floor-walker here" (to an officer). "Well, sir, +what have you to say to this testimony?" he asked, as the fellow +shuffled forward, pale and irresolute. "Remember, you are still +under oath." + +The wily villain, caught in his own trap, hesitated. He was tempted +to deny that the plot against Mildred was at his instigation; but, +like the girl, he saw that the judge had mysterious information on +the subject, and he could not tell how far this knowledge went. If +he entered on a series of denials he might be confronted by another +witness. The young man who had been sent to identify the girl, and +whose unexpected presence had brought such disaster, might have +been concealed in the passage-way, and so have seen and heard all. +With the fear of an indictment for perjury before his eyes the +fellow began to whine. + +"I was only trying to protect the interests of my employers. I had +suspected the Jocelyn girl--" At this there arose from the court-room +a loud and general hiss, Which the judge repressed, as he sternly +interposed, + +"We have nothing to do with your suspicions. Do you deny the +testimony?" + +"No, sir; but--" + +"That's enough. No words; step down." Then turning to Mildred, he +said kindly and courteously, "Miss Jocelyn, it gives me pleasure +to inform you that your innocence has been clearly shown. I should +also inform you that this man Bissel has made himself liable +to suit for damages, and I hope that you will prosecute him. I am +sorry that you have been subjected to so painful an ordeal. You +are now at liberty." + +"I thank--oh, I thank and bless your Honor," said Mildred, with +such a depth of gratitude and gladness in her face that the judge +smiled to himself several times that day. It was like a burst of +June sunshine after a storm. While the witness was admitting the +facts which would prove her guiltless, Mildred was scarcely less +agitated than the wretched girl herself; but her strong excitement +showed itself not by tears, but rather in her dilated eyes, nervously +trembling form, and quickly throbbing bosom. Now that the tension +was over she sank on a bench near, and covering her eyes, from +which gushed a torrent of tears, with her hands, murmured audibly, +"Thank God! oh, thank God! He has not deserted me after all." + +Looks of strong sympathy were bent upon her from all parts of the +room, and even the judge himself was so much affected that he took +prompt refuge in the duties of his office, and summoning the foreman +of the shop, said, "You may inform your employers how matters +stand." This functionary had been regarding the later stage of the +proceedings in undisguised astonishment, and now hastened to depart +with his tidings, the floor-walker following him with the aspect +of a whipped cur, and amid the suppressed groans and hisses of the +spectators. The girl, too, slunk away after them in the hope of +making peace with her employers. + +The judge now observed that Roger had buttonholed a reporter, who +had been dashing off hieroglyphics that meant a spicy paragraph the +following day. Summoning the young man, he said, as if the affair +were of slight importance, "Since the girl has been proved innocent, +and will have no further relation to the case, I would suggest +that, out of deference to her friends and her own feelings, there +be no mention of her name," and the news-gatherer good-naturedly +acceded to the request. + +A new case was called, and new interests, hopes, and fears agitated +the hearts of other groups, that had been drawn to the judgment-seat +by the misfortunes or crimes of those bound to them by various +ties. + +Mrs. Jocelyn would not leave the place, which she had so dreaded, +until Roger could accompany them, and they chafed at every moment +of delay that prevented their pouring out their thanks. But Mildred's +heart was too full for words. She fully understood how great +a service he had rendered her. She bitterly reproached herself for +all her prejudice in the past, and was in a mood for any self-sacrifice +that he would ask. Tears of deep and mingled feeling fell fast, +and she longed to escape from the staring crowd. Not before such +witnesses could she speak and look the gratitude she felt. + +With downcast eyes and quivering lips she followed her mother--to +whom Roger had given his arm--from the court-room. A carriage stood +at the door, into which Mrs. Jocelyn was hurried before she could +speak; then turning so promptly that there was no chance even for +exuberant Belle or the effervescing Mrs. Wheaton to utter a syllable, +Roger seized Mildred's hand, and said earnestly, "Thanks for your +aid, Miss Jocelyn. I thought you were the bravest girl in the world, +and you have proved it. I am as glad as you are, and this is the +happiest moment in my life. I've just one favor to ask--please rest, +and don't worry about anything--not ANYTHING. That's all. Good-by, +for I must be off to business;" and before she or any of them could +speak he caught a swiftly passing street-car and disappeared. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXV + +"I AM SO PERPLEXED" + + +The little group that Roger left on the sidewalk looked after him +in a dazed manner for a moment, and then Belle exclaimed, a trifle +indignantly, "Well, I declare, if he hasn't thanked you, instead +of you thanking him." + +Mildred sprang into the carriage, feeling that she must have some +refuge at once, and, burying her face on her mother's shoulder, +burst into another passion of tears. + +"There, there," said Mrs. Wheaton, as they were driven toward their +home; "the poor child's 'eart is too full for hany neat speeches +now. Ven they meets hagain she'll thank him with heyes an' 'and, +better than hany vords 'ere hon the street. He vas too bright a +chap to take his thanks in this 'ere public place." + +To their surprise, Mildred raised her head, and replied, in strong +protest, "You do him wrong, Mrs. Wheaton. He was so modest and manly +that he wished to escape all thanks. He has taken a noble revenge +on me for all my stupid prejudice." + +"That's right," cried ecstatic Belle. "Honest confession is +good for the soul. I'll admit that most men and women are made of +dust--street dust at that--but Roger Atwood is pure gold. He has +the quickest brain and steadiest hand of any fellow in the world, +and he'll stand up at the head before he's gray." + +Fortunately, Mr. Jocelyn was not at home when they returned, and they +had a chance to take a quiet breath after their strong excitement. +Mrs. Wheaton, with many hearty congratulations and words of cheer, +took her departure. Mrs. Jocelyn was justly solicitous about +Mildred, fearing that the reaction from an ordeal that would tax +the strongest might bring utter prostration to her delicate and +sensitive organism. Mildred's manner soon threatened to realize her +worst fears. She had passed a sleepless night, and was faint from +fatigue, and yet, as the hours lapsed, she grew more nervously +restless. Her eyes were hot and dry, sometimes so full of resolution +that they were stern in their steadfastness, and again her face +expressed a pathetic irresoluteness and sadness that made the +mother's heart ache. + +"Millie," she whispered, as she came to the bed on which the girl +was tossing restlessly, "there's something on your mind. Mother's +eyes are quick in reading the face of her child. You are thinking--you +are debating something that won't let you rest, when you need rest +so much. Oh, Millie darling, my heart was growing apathetic--it +seemed almost dead in my breast. I've suffered on account of your +father, till it seemed as if I couldn't suffer any more; but your +peril and your troubled face teach me that it is not dead, and that +my best solace now is devotion to my children. What is it, Millie, +that you are turning over in your mind, which makes you look so +desperately sad and fearful, and again--and then your expression +frightens me--so determined as if you were meditating some step, +which, I fear, you ought not to take? Oh, Millie, my child, the +worst that I know about is bad enough, God knows, but your face +makes me dread that you may be led by your troubles to do something +which you would not think of were you less morbid and overwrought. +I may have seemed to you a poor, weak woman in all of our troubles, +but mother's love is strong, if her mind and body are not." + +"Mamma, mamma, do not judge me or yourself so harshly. You have +always been my ideal, mamma, and I was thinking of nothing worse +than how to rescue you and the others from your desperate straits. +How can we go on living in this way, your heart breaking, your +poor, frail body overtaxed with coarse labor, and Belle, Minnie, +and Fred becoming contaminated by our dreadful surroundings. The +shock I've received has awakened me from my old apathy. I see that +while I just toiled for daily bread, and a little of it too, we +were drifting down, down. Papa grows worse and worse. Belle is in +danger; and what will become of Fred and Minnie if they remain long +amid such scenes? Only yesterday morning I heard Fred quarrelling +with another little boy on the landing, and lisping out oaths in +his anger. Oh, mamma, we must be able to look forward to some escape +from all this, or else you will soon give way to despair, and the +worst will come. Oh that I were a man! Oh that I knew how to do +something, through which I could earn enough to put papa into an +institution, such as I have read of, and give you a home worthy +of the name. But I cannot. I can only do what thousands of others +can do, and take my chances with them in getting work. And now +I seem so broken down in body and soul that I feel as if I could +never work again. There seems to be one way, mamma, in which I +can help you." And then she hesitated, and a deep, burning flush +crimsoned the face that was so pale before. "Well," she said, at +last, in a kind of desperation, "I might as well speak plainly, if +I speak at all. It's no secret to you how Roger Atwood feels toward +me, and also, mamma, you know my heart. While I could kiss his +hand in gratitude, while I would not shrink from any suffering for +his sake, to show how deeply I appreciate the priceless service +he has rendered me, still, mamma, mamma, I'm only a woman, and am +cursed with all the perversity of a woman's heart. Oh, what a loyal +friend, what a devoted sister I could be to him! Mamma, can't you +understand me?" + +"Yes, Millie," sadly answered her mother. + +"Well, mamma, I'm so perplexed. It seems for his sake, since we have +become so poor and disgraced, that I ought to refuse his suit. To +the world, and especially to his friends, it will appear dreadfully +selfish that we should link our wretched fortunes to his, and so +cloud his prospects and impede his progress. I can't tell you how +I dread such criticism. And yet, mamma, you know--no, mamma, even +you cannot understand how great would be my self-sacrifice, when +to others it will appear that I am only too glad to cling to one +who gives some promise of better days. But the turning point has now +come. Hitherto my manner toward Mr. Atwood has been unmistakable, +and he has understood me; and were he obtuseness itself he could +not fail to understand me. But after what has happened I cannot +treat him so any longer. It would be shameful ingratitude. Indeed, +in my cell last night I almost vowed that if he would prove me +innocent--if he would save you and Belle and the children, I would +make any sacrifice that he would ask. If I feel this way he will +know it, for he almost reads my thoughts, he is so quick, and his +feeling for me is so deep. And yet, mamma, now that I have thought +more I fear that in sacrificing my own heart I am also sacrificing +him. His friends will think so, at least. He is so young, chivalric, +and unworldly that he may think it a noble thing to help us fight +out our battle; but will he think so in coming years? Will he think +so if the struggle is long and hard? Will he think so if we impede +and retard him? Alas, will he think so if he finds that I can give +him only gratitude and respect? Oh, mamma, I am so perplexed. I +don't want to wrong him; I can't see you suffer on hopelessly and +helplessly, and therefore it seems I ought to give him the right +to help us should he seek for it, as I feel sure he will if I show +any relenting. We could not be married for a long time; but if we +were engaged he could do much to shield and protect us all; and +now, alas, we have no protector. Belle needs one--oh, how sorely +she needs one--and what would have been my fate had he not come to +my aid? It would seem heartless in me to say simply, Thank you, sir; +and yet, what heart have I to give in exchange for his devotion? He +deserves so much, and I can give so little. Oh, mamma, will an old +love die and a new one grow because they--because you wish it, and +pray for it? I am so perplexed, so tossed and torn by my conflicting +thoughts and feelings that my poor brain reels, and it seems as +if I should lose my reason. And yet I must decide upon some course, +for if, after his loyalty to me, I give him hope, I'll not disappoint +him if I died a thousand times--no, not if Vinton Arnold came and +laid all his wealth at my feet; I can see his love in every glance +of his eye, still more can I feel it when he is near me; and if I +offer him friendship or a sister's affection, it will seem to him +like giving a stone for bread. But I must offer him only these +or else give him hope--a hope that it would now be dishonor to +disappoint. Mamma, mamma, what shall I do--what ought I to do?" + +During this outpouring of her child's soul Mrs. Jocelyn was much +agitated, and wiped tear after tear from her eyes. The impulse of +her loyal, unworldly heart was first to take sides with Mildred's +faithfulness to her earliest love, but her reason condemned such +a course so positively that she said all she could against it. +"Millie," she began, falteringly at first, "I feel with you and +for you deeply. I know your rare quality of fidelity--of constancy. +You are an old-fashioned Southern girl in this respect. While I +would not have you wrong your heart, you must not blindly follow +its impulses. It is often said that women have no reason, though +some are calculating enough, Heaven knows. Surely, Millie, this is +a case in which you should take some counsel of your reason, your +judgment; and believe me, darling, I speak more for your sake than +ours. While I admit that Roger has become very dear to me, I would +not sacrifice you, my love, even in our sore straits. It is of you +I think chiefly. I cannot endure the thought that the future of my +darling child may be utterly blighted. I cannot bear to think of +your settling down into a weary working-woman, with nothing to look +forward to but daily drudgery for daily bread." + +"I do not dread that so much, mamma--oh, nothing like so much--as +a long and perhaps a vain effort to love one who has a sacred right +to love as well as loyalty." + +"Millie, you don't know how lonely and desolate your life might +become. Millie--forgive me for saying it--your old love is utterly +vain." + +"I know it, mamma," said Mildred, with a low sob. + +"Therefore, my darling, the sweetness and goodness of your young +life ought not to be wasted on that which is vain and empty. If +Mr. Arnold were worthy of your affections he would not have left +you all this time without even a word. And, Millie, we may as well +face the truth: we never belonged to the Arnolds' world, and it was +wicked folly, for which I suffer hourly remorse, that we ever tried +to approach it. If, instead of attempting to live like our rich +neighbors, I had saved a goodly portion of your father's income, +all might have been so different; but I was never taught to save, +and I was just blind--blind. I never see your father but the thought +comes, like a stab in the heart, I might have prevented it. Oh, +if I had only stayed with him! It was during that fatal separation +that he formed the habit which will cause his death and mine." +(Poor Mrs. Jocelyn always remained under this illusion.) + +"Oh, mamma, mamma, don't talk that way: I can't bear it." + +"I must prepare you, Millie, darling, for what I clearly foresee. +Martin is destroying himself, and I shall not long survive him. +Oh, Millie, it's a terrible thing to love a weak man as I love your +father. I love him so that his course is killing me. It could not +be otherwise, for I am much to blame. Don't interrupt me; I am +speaking these bitter words for your ultimate good. Your life is +before you--" + +"Mamma, how can my life be before me if you die broken-hearted?" + +"Because you are young. You know that it would add tenfold bitterness +to my already overflowing cup if I saw no chance for you, Belle, +and the little ones. You may soon have to be mother and sister both. +I forewarn you, because, as Roger says, you are strong as well as +gentle, and you must not just drift helplessly toward we know not +what. Oh, Millie, my poor crushed heart must have one consolation +before it is at rest. Roger is not, and never will be, a weak man. +It is not in his nature to give way to fatal habits. I, too, with +a woman's eye, have seen his deep, strong affection for you, and +with a mother's jealous love I have studied his character. He is +a young giant, Millie, whom you unconsciously awoke to manhood. He +comes of a sturdy, practical race, and unites to their shrewdness +a chivalric Southern heart and large brain. He doesn't begin to +know, himself, how much of a man he is, but the experience of life +will fast develop him. He is one who will master circumstances, +and not be molded by them. Obstacles will only stimulate his will. +Your prejudice and dislike have not made him falter a moment. In +the heart of a girl like you, Millie, I truly believe that a new +love for such a man will surely spring up, and grow and strengthen +with each succeeding year, and you would be worthy of him. You +could make him happy, and eventually add greatly to his success. +He is sure to become eminent, and be burdened with many large +affairs, and the home you could make for him would be a refuge +and a resting-place from which he would go out daily, strong and +refreshed. Let his friends say what they please at first. He has +his own career to make, and in his choice of you he has shown how +unerring and sound his instincts are, and you can prove them so, +and will, I think, when time has given your morbid and unhappy +heart its healthful tone. Mrs. Wheaton has done much work at his +uncle's house, and Mrs. Atwood talks to her quite freely. Mrs. +Wheaton says they are wealthy, although they live so plainly, and +that Mr. Atwood, Roger's uncle, is wonderfully taken with the young +man, and means to give him a chance to climb among the highest, if +he continues to be so steady and persevering. Of course you know +that Roger will never be anything else than steady. And Mrs. Wheaton +also says that Mr. Atwood will, no doubt, leave everything to him, +for he has no children." + +"I am sorry you have told me this," sighed Mildred; "it would have +been hard enough at best, but I should feel almost mercenary now." + +"Oh, Millie, you are too morbid and proud for anything," expostulated +Mrs. Jocelyn, in whom no misfortune or sorrow could wholly blot out +her old, mild passion for making good matches for her daughters--good +matches in the right sense of the word--for she would look for +worth, or what seemed worth to her, as well as the wealth that is +too often considered solely. She had sought to involve Vinton Arnold +by innocent wiles, and now, in pathetic revival of her old trait, +she was even more bent on providing for Mildred by securing a man +after her own heart. Love for her daughter, far more than ambition, +was the main-spring of her motive, and surely her gentle schemes were +not deserving of a very harsh judgment. She could not be blamed +greatly for looking with wistful eyes on the one ray of light +falling on her darkening path. + +After a brief, troubled silence Mrs. Jocelyn resumed, with pathos +and pleading in her voice, "Millie, darling, if this could all be, +it would brighten my last days." + +"There, there, mamma; as far as I CAN carry out your wishes, it shall +be. I had already virtually promised it, and I should be perverse +indeed could I not do all--all in my power to brighten your sad life. +But, darling mamma, you must promise to live in return. A palace +would be desolate if you were not seated in the snuggest corner of +the hearth. I'll try to love him; I know I ought to give my whole +heart to one who is so worthy, and who can do so much to brighten +your life." + +"Blessings on you, Millie. You will soon learn to return all his +affection. You are both young, and it will probably be years before +you can be married. In the meantime you will have a protector and +friend who will have the right to aid you. You were slowly dying +for want of air and change and hope. You worked all day, and shut +yourself up in this miserable place at night, and it could not +last; as your affianced he can take your part against the world, +and protect Belle; and during the years while he is making his way +upward, you will learn to love him. You will become interested in +his studies, hopes, and prospects. You will encourage, and at the +same time prevent undue application, for no man knows how to take +care of himself. He can be our deliverer, and you his good angel. +Your relations and long engagement may not be exactly conventional; +but he is not conventional, neither is your need nor our sad fortunes. +Since God has put within our reach this great alleviation of our +sorrow, ought we to refuse it?" + +"Set your mind at rest, mamma; you have made duty plain. I will do +my best, and it now all rests with Roger." + +"Millie, you are a dear, good child," said the mother brokenly, +and with smiles shining like light through her tears; and after a +close embrace she went out, closing the door that the weary girl +might rest at last. + +When alone, Mildred turned her face to the wall and breathed, like +the lowest and saddest note of a wind-touched harp, "Vinton, Vinton +Arnold, farewell forever. I must look for you no more--I must think +of you no more. Oh, perverse heart, be still!" + +But a decision had been reached, and her perplexed mind had at last +found the rest of a fixed resolve. Then nature asserted her right, +and she slept long and heavily. When she awoke, the lamp was lighted +in the one living-room, from which came the sounds of an unsteady +step and a thick, rough voice. She trembled, for she knew that her +father had come home again intoxicated--an event that was becoming +terribly frequent of late. She felt too weak and nerveless to go +out and look upon their living disgrace, and lay still with long, +sighing breaths. "Even Mr. Atwood will turn from us in disgust, +when he realizes papa's degradation," she thought. "Alas! can it +be right to cloud his bright young life with such a shameful stain! +Oh, if it were not selfish, I could wish to die and escape from it +all." + +At last the heavy, shuffling step passed into the adjoining bedroom, +and soon the wretched man was in stupor. As Mildred came out she +saw Belle, who had returned from her work, looking toward the room +in which her father slept, with a lowering, reckless expression +that made her sister shudder. + +Mildred tried to banish evil thoughts by putting her arm around +the young girl's neck and kissing her between the eyes. "Don't look +so, Belle," she whispered. + +"Where is that to end?" Belle asked, in a strange, harsh voice, +pointing toward the room. "Millie, I can't stand this life much +longer." + +"Oh, Belle, don't forget there is a heaven beyond this life." + +"It's too far beyond. Look here, Millie; since God don't answer +mamma's prayers, I haven't much faith in anything. See what +undeserved trouble came upon you too. If it hadn't been for Roger +you would have been in prison to-night, and we'd have been alone +here with a drunken father. How can one have faith and try to be +good when such things happen?" + +"Belle," said Mildred, with a solemnity that made the reckless, +discouraged girl turn pale, "you had better take a knife from that +table and stab mamma than do anything wrong." + +"Oh, hush!" whispered Belle, for Mrs. Jocelyn now entered with the +children, whom she was glad to have away when the unnatural father +returned, even though she knew they were with the wild young Arabs +of the tenement. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVI + +A WOMAN'S HEART + + +Mrs. Jocelyn and her daughters were silent and depressed during +their meagre supper, for they never could become accustomed to the +terrible skeleton in their household. When Mr. Jocelyn confined +himself solely to opium he was not so revolting, but common, beastly +intoxication was unendurable. They felt that it was brutalizing his +very soul, and becoming a millstone around their necks which must +drag them down to some unknown abyss of infamy. Mechanically +they went through the motions of eating, the mother and daughters +forcing down the little food they could afford, and the children +ravenously devouring all that was given to them. As Mildred saw +the mother trying to slip unnoticed her almost untasted supper from +her plate to Fred's, she laid a hand upon her arm and said: + +"No, mamma; remember you are to live," she added in a low whisper, +and the poor creature tried to smile and was submissive. + +With a pathetic maintenance of their old-time habits, they had +scarcely cleared away the supper-table, put the children to rest, +and made the poor little place as neat and inviting as possible, +when Mr. Wentworth appeared, followed by Roger. Mildred had been +expecting the latter with trepidation, Belle with impatience; and +the hard, lowering look on the face of the young girl gave way to +one of welcome and pleasure, for if Belle's good moods were apt +to be transient, so were her evil ones, and the hearty, healthy +spirits of the young fellow were contagious. Mildred was greatly +relieved to see Mr. Wentworth, for while she had fully resolved to +yield to Roger's suit, her heart, despite her will, welcomed delay. +She was also glad that her pastor was present, for she could now +show her strong gratitude without fear of immediate and embarrassing +results. She was therefore more prompt even than Belle, and, taking +the young man's hand in both of her own, she said, with tears in +her eyes: + +"Why didn't you let me thank you this morning? My gratitude has +been growing every moment, and you must take it all or I shall +sink under it. Mr. Wentworth, I should have been in some horrible +prison to-night, with my heart breaking from sorrow and shame, +if it were not for this kind, generous friend, Mr. Atwood. I long +cherished an unreasoning prejudice against you, and showed it openly. +You have taken a strange revenge. No Southern gentleman could have +acted more nobly, and a Southern girl could not use stronger praise +than that." + +Roger's hand, usually so strong and steady, trembled. These words, +warm from the heart of the girl who had hitherto been so distant +and unapproachable, almost took away his breath. "Please don't," +he faltered. "Such gratitude--such words--from you oppress me. I +don't deserve such thanks. Any decent man would have been glad to +save one who was so good and so wronged, and I shall always regard +it as the luckiest event of my life that I happened to be the one +to aid you. Oh, you don't know, you never can know what immense +good-fortune it was." Then, as if fearing he might lose his self-control, +he broke hastily away to greet Mrs. Jocelyn, but Belle caught him +with the impulse of the warm-hearted sister she had become, and +throwing her arm around his neck exclaimed, "I'm going to pay you +with the best coin I have." And she kissed him again and again. + +"Oh, Jupiter!" gasped the blushing youth. "Bless that floor-walker +and all his deviltry! I shall let him off just a little for this." + +"No, don't. I'll give you another kiss if you'll get even with +him," Belle whispered. + +"It's a bargain," he said in her ear, and Belle ratified the compact +immediately. + +"Oh," thought Mildred, in the depths of her heart, "if it were only +Belle instead of me!" + +Mrs. Jocelyn's greeting was scarcely less demonstrative than Belle's, +but there was a motherly tenderness in it that brought tears into +the young fellow's eyes. "Blessings on you, my dear good boy," she +murmured, "and a mother's blessing will do you no harm." + +"Look here," said Roger brusquely, "if you don't let up on a fellow +I shall make a confounded fool of myself." And his lip quivered as +if he were a boy in truth. + +Mr. Wentworth, who in their strong feeling had been quite ignored, +at first looked on with smiling sympathy. Mildred had given him the +hand that Roger released, and holding it in a warm clasp he did not +speak at first, but watched a scene that had for him the attractions +of a real drama. He now did not help Roger much by saying, in his +hearty way, "That's right; lay it on strong; he deserves all, and +more. Miss Mildred, I have been yellow with envy for the last two +hours because I was absent. I would have eulogized you so in court +that the judge would have addressed you as Saint Mildred, and yet +it's but honest to say that you would have gone to jail like many +a saint before you had not Roger got hold of the facts which enabled +the judge to prove you innocent. The law is awfully matter-of-fact, +and that lace on your person had to be accounted for." + +"Yes, yes," cried Belle, "tell us everything. We've been dying with +curiosity all day, and you've been so mysterious and important, and +have put on such airs, that you quite awed me. Seems to me that +for a country boy you are blossoming fast." + +"It isn't necessary for a country boy to be a fool, especially when +he has eyes," replied Roger in an off-hand way. "It's all simple +enough. I happened to be passing the store where Miss Mildred--" + +"Happened to be passing! How often did you happen to pass?" Belle +interrupted, with a face full of mischief. + +"You are not a judge, ma'am, and so can't cross-question," he answered, +with a quick blush but a defiant little nod, "and if you were, no +one is obliged to incriminate himself. I was merely passing, and +the movements of that scamp, Bissel, slightly awakened my curiosity, +and I followed him and the girl. I was exceedingly fortunate, and +saw enough to enable the judge to draw from the girl the whole story. +Now you see what a simple, prosaic part I played. Miss Jocelyn, +in keeping up so bravely through scenes and experiences that were +perfectly horrible to her, is the heroine of the piece. By Jove!--beg +your pardon, Mr. Wentworth--it was as good as a play to see how she +looked her innocence into the heart and mind of the judge. I saw +the judicial frost in his eyes melting like two icicles on the south +side of a barn. Oh, the judge could see as far into a millstone as +the next man," he continued, laughing, as if he relished the memory +hugely. "After those horrid old hags were sent along so fast to where +they belonged, he looked when Miss Jocelyn appeared as if a whole +picture gallery were before him. He could keep up his official +regulation manner, but his eyes paid a certain prisoner many +compliments." + +"Roger, you've got the eyes of a lynx," said Belle, and Mildred +was human enough to show the pleasure she felt at his words. + +"Nonsense," replied the young fellow in sudden confusion. "Any one +who has learned to hunt well gets a quick eye." + +"The judge's eyes at least were not at all to blame," added Mr. +Wentworth, laughing, and looking at Mildred so kindly and admiringly +that the color which was stealing into her face deepened rapidly. +"Well, to come down to business. Roger and I have been to see your +employers, and we talked to them rather strongly. While they insist +that they were misled and not to blame, they felt remorseful, and +we struck while they were in their regretful mood. They give you +a week's vacation, and send you twenty-five dollars as a small +compensation for what you have suffered." + +"I don't want it," cried Mildred indignantly. + +"Oh yes, you do; besides it's only spoiling the Philistines. They +had already discharged that scoundrel Bissel, and they intend +prosecuting the girl. They apologize to you, and promise to raise +your wages, but I think I can obtain enough sewing and fancy work +to render it unnecessary for you to go back unless you prefer it. +I don't want to think of your being subjected to that barbarous +rule of standing any longer. I know of a lady on Fifth Avenue who +is a host if she once becomes interested in any one, and through +her I think I can enlist enough people to keep you busy. I feel +sure she will be our ally when she knows all." + +"Oh, if I could only stay with mamma and work at home, I should be +so glad," was the young girl's response. + +"Well, I must have one promise first, and your conscience should +lead you to make it honestly. You must give me your word that you +will not shut yourself up from light, air, and recreation. You must +take a walk every day; you must go out with your sister and Roger, +and have a good time as often as possible. If I find you sewing and +moping here all the time, I shall feel hurt and despondent. Miss +Millie, the laws of health are just as much God's laws as the Ten +Commandments." + +"I feel you are right," she faltered. Then she covered her face +with her hands and sobbed, "But papa, papa. Mr. Wentworth, since +all know it now, you must know the truth that is worse than death +to us. I feel as if I wanted to hide where no one could ever see +me again; I fear we do Mr. Atwood a wrong in permitting him to be +so friendly." + +Roger towered up until he "looked six feet six," as Belle remarked +afterward, and, coming straight to the speaker, he took her hand +and said, "Miss Jocelyn, when I'm ashamed to be seen with you and +Belle, I'll strike hands with Bissel in the sneak-thieving line. I +ask for no prouder distinction, than to be trusted by your mother +and by you." + +"Roger has settled that question, and shown himself a sensible +fellow," resumed Mr. Wentworth, with an emphatic and approving +nod. "Since you have spoken of a subject so deeply painful, I will +speak plainly too. There are plenty of people, I admit, who treat +the family of wrong-doers as if their unspeakable misfortune were +their fault; and in a certain sense this tendency is wholesome, +for it has a great restraining influence on those tempted to give +way to evil. But this tendency should not be carried to cruel +lengths by any one, and there are those who are sufficiently just +to discriminate and feel the deepest sympathy--as I do. While it +would be in bad taste for you and Miss Belle to ignore this trouble, +and flaunt gayly in public places, it would be positively wicked +to let your trouble crush out health, life, and hope. You are both +young, and you are sacredly bound to make the best and the most +of the existence that God has bestowed upon you. You have as good +a right to pure air and sunshine as I have, and as good a right +to respect while you maintain your present character. It would do +your father no good, it would break your mother's heart, if you +followed your morbid impulses. It would only add to your father's +remorse. I fear his craving for the poisons that are destroying him +has become a disease, and that it is morally impossible for him to +refrain." + +"Do you think--would it be possible to put him into an institution," +Mildred faltered. + +"Well, it would be expensive, and yet if he will go to one and make +an honest effort to be cured, perhaps the money might be raised." + +"Oh," cried Mildred, "we'd starve almost, we'd work night and day +to give him a chance." + +"The money shall be raised," said Roger quietly. "I've saved nearly +all my wages, and--" + +"Oh, Mr. Atwood," burst out Mildred impetuously, "this would be +far better than saving me from prison. I would pay you back every +penny if I toiled all my life, and if papa could be his old self +once more we would soon regain all that we have lost." Then a sudden +passion of sobs shook her slight form. "Oh," she gasped brokenly, +"I could die--I could suffer anything to save papa." + +"Mr. Wentworth," said the wife, with a look in her large tearless +blue eyes which they never forgot, "we will live in one room, we'll +spend only enough for bare existence, if you'll help us in this +matter." Then putting her arms around Roger's neck she buried her +face on his breast and murmured, "You are like a son to me, and all +there is left of my poor crushed heart clings to you. If I could +see Martin the man he was, I could die in peace." + +"He shall have the chance of the best and richest," said Roger +brokenly. "I ask nothing better than to have a hand in saving such +a man as Mr. Jocelyn must have been." + +Then was Roger's hour and opportunity, and he might at that time +have bound Mildred to him by vows that the girl would sooner perish +than break. Indeed in her abounding gratitude, and with every +generous, unselfish chord in her soul vibrating, even his eyes could +have been deceived, and he might easily have believed that he had +won her heart. But there was neither policy nor calculation in his +young enthusiasm. His love truly prompted his heart, but it was a +heart abounding in good, unselfish impulses, if sufficient occasion +called them forth. He loved Mrs. Jocelyn and Belle scarcely less +than his own mother and sister, and yet with a different affection, +a more ideal regard. They appealed to his imagination; their +misfortunes made them sacred in his eyes, and aroused all the +knightly instincts which slumber in every young, unperverted man. +Chief of all, they belonged to Mildred, the girl who had awakened +his manhood, and to whom he had felt, even when she was so cold and +prejudiced, that he owed his larger life and his power to win a +place among men. Now that she was so kind, now that she was willing +to be aided by him in her dearest hopes, he exulted, and life grew +rich in tasks for which the reward seemed boundless. The hope would +come to him, as Mildred rose to say good-by with a look that he +had never seen on any human face before, that she might soon give +him something warmer and better than gratitude; but if she could +not soon, he would wait, and if she never could return his love, +he proposed to be none the less loyal as a friend. + +Indeed the young girl's expression puzzled him. The old pride was +all gone, and she gave him the impression of one who is conquered +and defenceless, and who is ready to yield anything, everything to +the victor. And this ill-defined impression was singularly true, +for she was in a passion of self-sacrifice. She felt that one who +had been so generous and self-forgetful had a right to all that +a true man could ask, and that it would be base in her to refuse. +The greater the sacrifice the more gladly she would make it, in +order that she too might prove that a Southern girl could not be +surpassed in noblesse oblige by a Northern man. She was in one of +those supreme moods in which men and women are swayed by one dominant +impulse, and all other considerations become insignificant. The +fact that those she loved were looking on was no restraint upon +her feeling, and the sympathizing presence of the clergyman added +to it. Indeed her emotion was almost religious. The man who had +saved her from prison and from shame--far more: the man who was +ready to give all he had to rescue her fallen father--was before +her, and without a second's hesitation she would have gone into a +torture-chamber for the sake of this generous friend. She wanted +him to see his absolute power. She wanted him to know that he had +carried her prejudice, her dislike by storm, and had won the right +to dictate his terms. Because she did not love him she was so frank +in her abandon. If he had held her heart's love she would have been +shy, were she under tenfold greater obligations. She did not mean +to be unmaidenly--she was not so, for her unconscious delicacy +saved her--but she was at his feet as truly as the "devotee" is +prostrate and helpless before the car of Juggernaut. But Roger was +no grim idol, and he was too inexperienced, too modest to understand +her. As he held her throbbing palm he looked a little wonderingly +into her flushed face and tear-gemmed eyes that acknowledged him +lord and master without reserve; then he smiled and said in a low, +half-humorous tone, "I shan't be an ogre to you--you won't be afraid +of me any longer, Miss Mildred?" + +"No," she replied impetuously; "you are the truest and best friend +a woman ever had. Oh, I know it--I know it now. After what you said +about papa, I should despise myself if I did not know it." + +She saw all his deep, long-repressed passion leap into his face +and eyes, and in spite of herself she recoiled from it as from a +blow. Ah, Mildred, your will is strong, your gratitude is boundless, +your generous enthusiasm had swept you away like a tide, but your +woman's heart is stronger and greater than all, and he has seen +this truth unmistakably. The passion died out of his face like a +flame that sinks down to the hidden, smouldering fire that produced +it. He gave her hand a strong pressure as he said quietly, "I am +indeed your friend--never doubt it;" then he turned away decidedly, +and although his leave-taking from Mrs. Jocelyn and Belle was +affectionate, they felt rather than saw there was an inward struggle +for self-mastery, which made him, while quiet in manner, anxious +to get away. + +Mr. Wentworth, who had been talking with Mrs. Jocelyn, observed +nothing of all this, and took his leave with assurances that they +would see him soon again. + +Mildred stood irresolute, full of bitter self-reproach. She took +an impulsive step toward the door to call Roger back, but, checking +herself, said despairingly, "I can deceive neither him nor myself. +Oh, mamma, it is of no use." And indeed she felt that it would be +impossible to carry out the scheme that promised so much for those +she loved. As the lightning flash eclipses the sun at noonday, so +all of her gratitude and self-sacrificial enthusiasm now seemed but +pale sickly sentiment before that vivid flame of honest love--that +divine fire which consumes at touch every motive save the one for +the sacred union of two lives. + +"I wish I could see such a man as Roger Atwood look at me as he +looked at you," said Belle indignantly. "I would not send him away +with a heartache." + +"Would to Heaven it had been you, Belle!" replied Mildred dejectedly. +"I can't help it--I'm made so, and none will know it better than +he." + +"Don't feel that way," remonstrated Mrs. Jocelyn; "time and the +thought of what Roger can do for us will work great changes. You +have years before you. If he will help us save your father--" + +"Oh, mamma, I could shed for him all the blood left in my body." + +"Nonsense!" cried the matter-of-fact Belle. "He doesn't want +your blood; he only wants a sensible girl who will love him as he +deserves, and who will help him to help us all." + +Mildred made a despairing gesture and went to her room. She soon +reappeared with a quilt and a pillow, and placing them on the floor +beside the low bed in which the children slept, said, "I'll stay +here, and you take my place with Belle, mamma. No," she added +resolutely, as her mother began to remonstrate; "what I resolve +upon I intend to do hereafter, even to the least thing. You shall +not go near the room where papa is to-night." + +Throughout the evening, while love, duty, and generous sympathy +planned for his redemption; throughout the long night, while the +sad-hearted wife prayed for success in their efforts, the husband +and father lay shrouded in the heavy, rayless darkness of a drunken +stupor. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVII + +STRONG TEMPTATION + + +Well, I must admit that I have rarely been so touched and interested +before," said Mr. Wentworth, as he and Roger walked homeward together; +"and that is saying much, for my calling brings human life before +me in almost every aspect. Mildred Jocelyn is an unusual girl. +Until to-day I thought her a trifle cold, and even incapable of +very deep feeling. I thought pride--not a common pride, you know, +but the traditional and proverbial pride of a Southern woman--her +chief characteristic, but the girl was fairly volcanic with feeling +to-night. I believe she would starve in very truth to save her +father, though of course we won't permit any such folly as they +are meditating, and I do not believe there is any sacrifice, not +involving evil, at which she would hesitate. She's a jewel, Atwood, +and in winning her, as you will, you will obtain a girl for whom +a prince might well sue. She's one of a thousand, and beneath all +her wonted self-control and reserve she has as true and passionate +a heart as ever beat in a woman's breast." + +"Good-night," said Roger, a little abruptly. "I agree with all you +can say in regard to Miss Jocelyn's nobility, and I shall not fail +her, nor shall I make bargains or conditions in my loyalty. The +privilege of serving such a woman is enough. I will see you again +soon," and he walked rapidly down the street on which his uncle +resided. + +Roger and Mr. Wentworth had become very good friends, and the +latter had been of much service to the young fellow by guiding him +in his reading and study. The clergyman had shown his usual tact in +dealing with Roger. Never once had he lectured or talked religion +at him, but he preached interestingly, and out of the pulpit was +the genial, natural, hearty man that wins the respect and goodwill +of all. His interviews with Roger were free from the faintest trace +of religious affectation, and he showed that friendly appreciation +and spirit of comradeship which young men like. Roger felt that +he was not dealing with an ecclesiastic, but with a man who was as +honest, earnest, and successful in his way as he ever hoped to be +in his. He was therefore being drawn by motives that best accorded +with his disposition toward the Christian faith--by a thorough respect +for it, by seeing its practical value as worked out in the useful +busy life of one who made his chapel a fruitful oasis in what +would otherwise have been a moral desert. In his genuine humanity +and downright honesty, in his care of people's bodies as well as +souls, and temporal as well as spiritual interests, the minister was +a tower of strength, and his influence for good over the ambitious +youth, now fast developing the character which would make or mar +him for life, was most excellent. While Roger spoke freely to him +of his general hopes and plans, and gave to him more confidence +than to any one else, there was one thing that, so far as words +were concerned, he hid from all the world--his love for Mildred. +The sagacious clergyman, however, at last guessed the truth, but +until to-night never made any reference to it. He now smiled to +think that the sad-hearted Jocelyns might eventually find in Roger +a cure for most of their troubles, since he hoped that Mr. Jocelyn, +if treated scientifically, might be restored to manhood. + +Mr. Ezra Atwood, Roger's uncle, sat in his small parlor far beyond +his usual hour for retiring, and occasionally he paced the floor so +impatiently as to show that his mind was deeply perturbed. While +his nephew had studied books he had studied his nephew, and in the +process the fossilization of his heart had been arrested, and the +strong, steady youth had suggested hopes of something like a filial +relation to the childless man. At first he had growled to himself, +"If the boy were only mine I'd make a man of him," and then gradually +the idea of adopting and making a man of him, had presented itself +and slowly gained full possession of his mind. Roger was capable, +persevering, and tremendously ambitious--qualities that were after +the old man's heart, and, after maintaining his shrewd furtive +observation for months, he at last muttered to himself, "I'll do +it, for he's got the Atwood grit and grip, and more brains than any +of us. His father is shrewd and obstinate enough, but he's narrow, +and hasn't breadth of mind to do more than pinch and save what he +can scratch out of that stony farm of his. I'm narrow, too. I can +turn an honest penny in my line with the sharpest in the market, +and I'm content; but this young fellow is a new departure in the +family, and if given a chance and kept from all nonsense he can +climb to the top notch. There's no telling how high a lawyer can +get in this country if he has plenty of brains and a ready tongue." + +Thus the old man's dominant trait, ambition, which he had satisfied +in becoming known as one of the most solid and wealthy men of his +calling, found in his nephew a new sphere of development. In return +for the great favors which he proposed to confer, however, he felt +that Roger should gratefully accept his wishes as absolute law. +With the egotism and confidence of many successful yet narrow men, +he believed himself perfectly capable of guiding the young fellow's +career in all respects, and had little expectation of any fortunate +issue unless he did direct in all essential and practical matters. +Mr. Atwood worshipped common-sense and the shrewd individuality of +character which separates a man from his fellows, and enables him +to wrap himself in his own interests and pursuits without babbling +to others or being impeded by them. Influenced by his wife, he was +kind to the poor, and charitable in a certain methodical way, but +boasted to her that in his limited circle he had no "hangers-on," +as he termed them. He had an instinctive antipathy to a class that +he called "ne'er-do-weels," "havebeens," and "unlucky devils," and +if their misfortunes and lack of thrift resulted from causes like +those destroying Mr. Jocelyn he was sternly and contemptuously +implacable toward them. He was vexed that Roger should have bothered +himself with the sick man he had discovered on shipboard the day +before Christmas. "It was no affair of his," he had grumbled; but +as the young fellow had been steady as a clock in his business and +studies after Mr. Jocelyn had recovered, he had given no further +thought to these friends, nor had it occurred to him that they were +more than passing acquaintances. But a letter from Roger's father, +who had heard of Mr. Jocelyn's condition and of his son's intimacy +with the family, awakened the conservative uncle's suspicions, and +that very afternoon the well-meaning but garrulous Mrs. Wheaton had +told his wife all about what she regarded as brilliant performances on +the part of Roger at the police court. Mrs. Atwood was a kind-hearted +woman, but she had much of her husband's horror of people who were +not respectable after her strict ideal, and she felt that she ought +to warn him that Roger's friends were not altogether desirable. +Of course she was glad that Roger had been able to show that the +young girl was innocent, but shop-girls living in low tenements +with a drunken father were not fit companions for their nephew +and possible heir. Her husband indorsed her views with the whole +force of his strong, unsympathetic, and ambitious nature, and was +now awaiting Roger with the purpose of "putting an end to such +nonsense at once." The young man therefore was surprised to find, +as he entered the hallway, that his uncle was up at an hour late +for him. + +"I wish to see you," was the prompt, brief greeting from Mr. Atwood, +who was uneasily tramping up and down the small stiff parlor, which +was so rarely used that it might almost have been dispensed with +as a part of the residence. Roger came forward with some anxiety, +for his uncle lowered at him like a thunder-cloud. + +"Sit there, where I can see your face," was the next curt direction. +There was neither guilt nor fear in the frank countenance that was +turned full upon him. "I'm a man of few words," he resumed more +kindly, for Roger's expression disarmed him somewhat. "Surely," he +thought, "when the boy gets a hint of what I can do for him, he'll +not be the fool to tangle himself up with people like the Jocelyns." + +"Where have you been to-night?" he asked bluntly. Roger told him. +"Where were you last night and this morning?" Roger briefly narrated +the whole story, concluding, "It's the first time I've been late +to business, sir." + +The old man listened grimly, without interruption, and then said, +"Of course I'm glad you got the girl off, but it's bad management +to get mixed up in such scrapes. Perhaps a little insight into +court-room scenes will do you no harm since you are to be a lawyer. +Now that the affair is over, however, I wish you to drop these +Jocelyns. They are of no advantage to you, and they belong to a +class that is exceedingly disagreeable to me. I suppose you know +what kind of a man Mr. Jocelyn is?" + +"Yes, sir; but you do not know what kind of a woman Mrs. Jocelyn +is. She is--" + +"She is Jocelyn's wife, isn't she?" + +"Certainly; but--" + +"And the girl is his daughter. They live in a dowdy tenement, and +are as poor as crows." + +"Misfortune and the wrong of others might make all this true of +us," began the youth impetuously; "and yet if old friends should +turn their backs--" + +"You are not an old friend," his uncle again interrupted, in his +hard, business-like tones. "They are merely accidental acquaintances, +who happened to board at your father's house last summer. They +haven't the ghost of a claim upon you. It looks far more as if +you were in love with the girl, and were making a romantic fool of +yourself." + +Roger's face grew very white, but he controlled himself, and asked, +"Uncle, have I ever treated you with disrespect?" + +"Certainly not; why should you?" + +"With some right I may also ask why you treat me with such disrespect?" + +The old man opened his eyes, and was somewhat taken aback by this +unexpected question, and yet a moment's reflection showed him that +he had given cause for it. He also misunderstood his nephew, and +resumed, with a short conciliatory laugh, "I guess I'm the fool, to +be imagining all this nonsense. Of course you are too much of an +Atwood to entangle yourself with such people and spoil your prospects +for life. Look here, Roger. I'll be frank with you, and then we'll +understand each other. You know I've neither chick nor child, and +I've turned a good big penny in business. When you first came I +thought you were a rattle-pated country boy that wanted a lark in +the city, and I took you more to keep you out of mischief than for +any other cause. Well, I've watched you closely, and I was mistaken. +You've got the stuff in you to make a man, and I see no reason why +you should not be at the top of the heap before you reach my years, +and I mean to give you a chance. You've got a little soft place in +your head and heart, or you wouldn't be getting yourself mixed up +in other people's troubles. I tell you what it is, my boy, a man +who gets ahead in these times must strike right out for himself, +and steer clear of all fouling with 'ne'er-do-weels,' as if they +had a pestilence. Hook on to the lucky ones, the strong ones, and +they'll help you along. Now if you'll take this course and follow +my advice right along, I'll give you a chance with the first. You +shall go to the best college in the land, next to the law-school, +and then have money enough to enable you to strike high. By the +time you are thirty you can marry an heiress. But no more Jocelyns +and shop-girls who have been at stationhouses, if you please. The +girl may have been innocent of that offence; but, plain man as I am, +I don't like this style of people at all, and I know human nature +well enough to be sure that they'll try to tie themselves on to you +if they can. I've thought it all out in my slow way, and, since +you've got it in you, I'm going to give you a chance to put the +Atwood name where I can't, with all my money." + +Roger was deeply moved, for he had no idea that his uncle was +cherishing such far-reaching plans in his behalf. While he had +little sympathy with the cold, selfish side of the programme, his +strong ambition responded powerfully to the prospect held out to +him. He knew that the hopes inspired were not vain, for his uncle +was a man whose deeds always outstripped his words, and that his +fortunes were practically assured if he would follow the worldly-wise +policy to which he had listened. His ambition whispered, "Mildred +Jocelyn does not love you, and never will. Even now, after you have +done so much for her, and her gratitude is boundless, her heart +shrinks from you. She may not be able to help it, but it is true +nevertheless. Why should you throw away such prospects for the sake +of one who loves another man, and who, until in a time of desperate +need, treated you with undisguised coldness and dislike? Besides, +by yielding to your uncle's will you can eventually do more for +the family than if thrown on your own resources." It was indeed +the great temptation of his life, and he wavered. + +"Uncle," he said irresolutely, "you have indeed opened a very +alluring prospect, and I am grateful that you think So well of me, +and that you are willing to do so much. Since you have been so +frank with me, I will be equally so with you," and he told him all +about his relations with the Jocelyns, and tried to make the shrewd +old merchant understand that they were not common people. + +"They are the most dangerous people of all," he interrupted +impatiently. "Having once been up in the world, they think they +are still as good as anybody, and are wild to regain their old +position. If they had always been poor and commonplace, they would +not be so likely to presume. What you say about the girl's not caring +for you is sheer nonsense. She'd marry you to-morrow if she could. +The one idea of such people is to get out of the slough into which +they have fallen, and they'll marry out of it the first chance they +get, and like enough they'll do worse if they can't marry. I tell +you they are the most dangerous kind of people, and Southern at +that. I've learned all about them; the father has gone to the devil +for good and all, and, with your feeling and weakness toward them, +you'll never be safe a moment unless you drop them completely and +finally. Come, young man, let this affair be the test between us. +I've worked hard for nearly a lifetime, and have a right to impose +some conditions with what has been earned by forty years of toil, +early and late. I never speculated once. Every dollar I had to +spare I put in paying real estate and governments, and, Roger, I'm +worth to-day a good half a million. Ha, ha, ha! people who look +at the plain old man in the plain little house don't know that he +could afford a mansion on the Avenue better than most of them. This +is between ourselves, but I want you to act with your eyes open. +If you are such a soft-headed fool as to let that girl, who you +admit does not like you or care a rap for you personally, stand +between you and such prospects, then I'm mistaken in you, and the +sooner I find it out the better. Come, now, I'll be good-natured +and liberal in the matter, for young men will be a little addle-pated +and romantic before they cut their wisdom teeth. Through that +English woman who works for your aunt occasionally you can see to +it that these people don't suffer, but beyond that you must drop +them once for all. What is more, your father and mother take the +same view that I do, and your filial duty to them requires what I +ask. While we naturally refuse to be mixed up with such people, we +are seeking chiefly to promote your welfare; for the worst thing +that can happen to a young man starting in life is to have a helpless +lot of people hanging on him. So, come, give me your promise--the +promise of an Atwood--and it will be all right." + +Eoger was not a self-sacrificing saint by any means. Moreover, +he had inherited the Atwood characteristics sufficiently to feel +all the worldly force of his uncle's reasoning, and to be tempted +tremendously by his offers. They promised to realize his wildest +dreams, and to make the path to fame and wealth a broad, easy track +instead of a long, steep, thorny path, as he had expected. He was +virtually on the mountain-top, and had been shown "all the kingdoms +of the world and the glory of them." + +But against this brilliant background he saw the thin, pale face +of Mrs. Jocelyn, as she looked up to him with loving trust and +gratitude, and the motherly kiss that she had imprinted on his cheek +was a seal to her absolute faith. He felt the pressure of Belle's +arm about his neck, and remembered his promise to give her a brother's +regard and protection, and justly he feared that if deserted now +the impulsive, tempted girl would soon meet shipwreck. She would +lose faith in God and man. But that which touched him most nearly +were his words to Mildred--words spoken even when she showed him +most plainly that her heart was not his, and probably never could +be--"I am your friend; never doubt it." How false he would seem +to them; how false and selfish to his friend, the great-hearted +clergyman, who was like Christ himself in his devoted labors; how +false and base he would ever feel himself to be in his own soul! + +For a time there was a terrible conflict in his breast as he paced +the floor in long strides, with hands clenched and brow heavily +contracted. His uncle watched him curiously and with displeased +surprise, for that he could hesitate at all seemed to the worldly +man an evidence of fatal weakness. + +Roger fought it out like a genuine Atwood, and was nearer akin +to his uncle than the old merchant would ever suspect. His heart +craved the kingdoms of the world unspeakably, but he now realized +that he must barter for them his honor, his manhood, and love. +Thus far he had a right to love Mildred, and it was not her fault +she could not return it. But, poor and shamed as she was, he knew +that she would despise him if he yielded now, even though he rose +to be the foremost man of the nation. Not with any chivalric, +uncalculating impulse did he reach his conclusion, but by the slow, +deliberate reasoning of a cool-headed, sturdy race that would hold +to a course with life-long tenacity, having once chosen it. + +Turning to his uncle, he asked quietly. "What did you mean by 'the +promise of an Atwood'?" + +"You ought to know. Our family, for generations, have lived up +among the granite hills of Forestville, and, although poor, our +promises, whether spoken or written, are like them." + +"I'm glad to hear you say that--I'm glad to be reminded of it," his +nephew replied. "Well, my promise has already been given. I have +promised that poor broken-hearted woman, Mrs. Jocelyn, that I'd +try to help her through her terrible misfortunes. I've promised her +daughter Belle that I'd give her a brother's care and affection. +I've promised the girl I love that I would at least be her friend, +since I cannot be more. I'll prove myself a true Atwood, worthy to +sustain the family name and honor by keeping my promises, and if +I break them, you yourself, deep in your heart, would despise me." + +For a moment the old merchant was nonplussed, so adroitly and +unexpectedly had Roger turned his words against him. Then, like most +men suddenly put in a false position, he grew angry, and blurted +out, "Nonsense! It doesn't apply at all. These artful women have +come it over you--have entrapped you." The young man here made a +strong gesture of protest. "Oh, don't try to deceive me," his uncle +proceeded, more loudly and passionately; "I know the world. If I'd +blindly made promises to adventurers who would compass my ruin, +ought I to keep them? If I find I've indorsed a forged check, ought +I not to stop its payment? In the name of your parents and as your +uncle, I protest against this folly, for I see well enough where +it will end. Moreover, I tell you plainly that you must choose +between me and my offers, and that old sot of a Jocelyn and his +scheming wife and daughters. If you can be carried away by such +absurdity, you are weaker than water, and the sooner you learn +by bitter experience the better, for you certainly belong to that +class which only hard experience can teach. But I'd like to see +those brazen-faced creatures and give them a piece of--" + +"Stop!" thundered Roger; "beware how you say another word against +those whom sorrow should render sacred. You know less about them +than about heaven. Do you forget that I am of age? You made me an +offer, and I thanked you for it honestly and gratefully. What's +more, I was base enough to be tempted by it. Oh, yes"--with a bitter +laugh--"I was an Atwood enough for that. If you had not coupled +it with the condition that I should, like a coward, desert helpless +and unfortunate women to whom my word is given, I would have fulfilled +your best hopes and ambitions, and have made your age glad with +my grateful love and service. In your cold-hearted worldliness you +have overreached yourself, and you wrong yourself more than me, +even though I perish in the streets. But I won't starve. Mark my +words: I'll place the Atwood name where you can't, with all your +money, and I shall not make broken faith with those who trust me, +the foundation of my fortunes." + +"Very well, then," said his uncle, who had quieted down into an +anger of white heat; "since you prefer those disreputable strangers +to your family, go to them. I wash my hands of you, and shall write +to your father to this effect to-night. I'm a prompt man and don't +dilly-dally." + +"Mrs. Jocelyn and her daughters are no more disreputable than you +are, sir, and calling me 'soft-headed fool' doesn't make me one. +I know the duty I owe my parents, and shall perform it. I shall +write to them also. They shall hear both sides, and were your fortune +multiplied a thousand times, I won't sell my manhood for it. Am I +to have shelter another night, or do you wash your hands of me here +and now?" + +"Oh, stay by all means, or you may find yourself in the same cell +in which your paragon spent last night," replied his uncle, whose +rage now passed all bounds. + +"Those words are brutal," said Roger sternly, "and if you are not +ashamed of them after thinking them over, you are not the man I took +you to be," and he stalked out of the room and out of the house, +slamming the door after him. + +The old merchant sank into a chair, trembling with both anger and +chagrin, for he felt that he had been worsted in the encounter. He +did regret the words as soon as spoken, and a certain rude sense +of justice made him feel, even in his excitement, that his nephew, +although an egregious fool of course, had been true to his sense +of right and honor. He was assuredly the victim of a designing lot +of women, but believing them to be true, his course had been manly, +and the thought would come, "Since he was so faithful to them, +he would have been equally so to me, and he might have found the +hussies out in time to prevent trouble." And now he had said words +which in effect turned his brother's son out of doors at midnight +With something like a groan and an oath he resolved not to write +that night, and to see how he felt in the morning. His nephew on +provocation had proved as great a Tartar as he knew himself to be, +and he now remembered that the former had some excuse in his hot +young blood, and that he had a right to choose against his offer, +if fool enough to do it, without being reviled and insulted. + +After a wretched night he found on the breakfast-table a brief, +cold note from Roger, saying that he would inform him in a day or +two where to send his effects and such part of his salary as remained +unpaid. The old man frowned, and the Atwood pride and obstinacy took +possession of him like evil spirits. In grim reticence he resumed +his old routine and life, and again gave himself up to the mechanical +accumulation and saving of money. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXVIII + +NO "DARK CORNERS" + + +From his uncle's house Roger went to a small hotel and obtained a +room in which to spend a sleepless night. After the excitement of +anger passed, he recognized the difficulties of his position. He +was worse than friendless in the great city, for when he sought +employment and gave an account of his antecedents, people would +ask suspiciously why he left his uncle. The reasons were of too +delicate a nature to be babbled about in business offices. + +At first he was much depressed, and complained that "luck was dead +against him." Moreover he felt that he had responded too harshly +to his uncle, who, after all, was only trying to aid him in his +cold-blooded way. Nevertheless he, too, had his share of the Atwood +pride and obstinacy, and he resolved that the man who had called him +a "soft-headed fool" for sacrificing himself to his sense of honor +and duty must apologize before there could be any reconciliation. +His good sense led him to make one wise resolution, and early in +the morning he carried it out by making a clean breast of it to Mr. +Wentworth. The good man listened with deep interest, and heartened +the young fellow wonderfully by clapping him on the shoulder and +saying, "You are made of the right stuff, Atwood, and although the +material is yet a little raw and crude, experience and Christian +principle will temper it in time into the finest metal." + +"Don't ascribe Christian principle to me," growled Roger, "for I'm +tempted to swear like a pirate." + +"Very likely, and not without some reason. I occasionally feel a +little that way myself, but I don't do it; neither have you." + +Roger stared. "You're not a bit like a minister," he burst out. + +"Sorry to hear it." + +"That isn't what I mean. You are a MAN. Our dominie up at Forestville +was only a minister." + +"I have my share of human nature, Roger, and am glad of it, for I +know from experience just how you young fellows feel. But it involves +many a big fight. Christian principle doesn't mean a cotton-and-wool +nature, or a milk-and-water experience, to put it in a homely way. +It's Christian principle that makes Mildred Jocelyn, as you say, +one of the bravest and best girls in the world. She's worth more +than all your uncle's money, and you needn't be discouraged, for +you'll win her yet. A young fellow with your pluck can make his +way unaided, and thousands have done so without your motives or +your ability. I'll stand by you, for you are the kind of man that +I believe in. To make your course completely blameless, you must +write a long filial letter to your mother, explaining everything; +and if you'll take my advice you will send something like this to +your uncle;" and sitting down he scratched off the following words: + +"On calmer reflection I perceive that your intentions toward me +were kindly and friendly. I should have remembered this, and the +respect due to your years, and not have spoken so harshly. For all +that it was not right for me to say, I apologize. At the same time +it is my undoubted right and unwavering purpose to be guided by my +own conscience. Our views of life and duty vary so widely that it +will be best for me to struggle on alone, as I can. This, however, +is no reason why we should quarrel, or forget the ties of blood +which unite us, or our characters as gentlemen." + +"Such a note will put you right with your own conscience and your +people at home," resumed Mr. Wentworth, "and there's nothing like +starting right." + +Roger complied at once, for the clergyman's "human nature" had +gained his unlimited confidence. + +"Now I'm going out," said his friend. "You stay and make my study +your own. There is paper, etc. I think I know of a room that you +can obtain for a small sum from a nice, quiet family, and perhaps +it will just suit you. I'll see; but don't take it if you don't +like it. You'll stay and lunch with us, and we'll drink to your +success in generous cups of coffee that only my wife knows how to +make," and he left Roger cheered, hopeful, and resolute. What was +better still, the young man was starting right, as was well proved +by the long, affectionate, yet firm and manly letter written to +his mother. + +After a genial lunch, at which he was treated with a respect and +kindness which did him a world of good, he went with Mr. Wentworth +to see the room, and was well pleased with it, and he added his +future address to the note to his uncle. He then said: + +"I keep my promise about Mr. Jocelyn, and the sooner that man is +put under treatment the better." + +"Why, Roger!" exclaimed his friend, "you can't do anything now." + +"I can do just what I promised. I have a hundred dollars in the +bank, and there is about twenty-five still due me. With the latter +sum I can get along until I can find employment." + +"Hold on, Roger; it seems to me that your generosity is getting +the better of you now. Circumstances have greatly changed since +you made your promise." + +"I've not changed, and my promises don't change with circumstances. +It may be some time before you can raise the money, even if you can +get it at all in these bard times, and it's something that ought +to be done at once." + +"Give me your hand again, old fellow. The world would say we were +a pair of fools, but we'll wait and see who's right. Come to me at +nine to-morrow morning." + +Mr. Wentworth had several things on hand that he meant to do, but +he dropped everything and started for the offices of some lawyers +whom he knew, determined to find a foothold at once for his plucky +protege. Roger went to call on Mrs. Jocelyn, feeling that he would +like to get the matter relating to her husband settled, so that +he might give all his thought and energy to the problem of making +his way unaided. In response to his knock a light step crossed the +floor, and the door was opened a little, revealing Mildred's face, +then it was thrown open hospitably. "Oh, Mr. Atwood," she exclaimed, +"I am very glad to see you. Forgive me that I opened the door so +suspiciously, but you have never lived in a tenement, and do not +know what awful neighbors are often prowling around. Besides, +I was alone, and that made me more timid. I am so troubled about +something, and perhaps you can help me, for you seem to be able +to help every one," Mildred continued hastily, for she dreaded an +embarrassing silence between them unspeakably. "I've been to see +my employers in the hope they would forgive that poor girl who put +the lace in my cloak, and they won't. They were polite and kind +to me, and offered me better wages if I would come back, but were +relentless toward the girl, saying they 'meant to break up that kind +of thing once for all.' Don't you think something might be done?" + +"If you failed there would be no use of my trying," said Roger, +smiling. "I think it was wonderfully good of you to go on such an +errand." + +"I've had some lessons in goodness lately," she replied, with a +little friendly nod. "As I talked with those stern men, I realized +more than ever what an escape I've had, and I've thanked you in my +heart a thousand times." + +The young fellow looked as if he had been repaid a thousand times, +and wondered that he could have been so tempted by his uncle's +terms, for it now seemed impossible that he could ever do aught +else than serve the sweet, sad girl who looked into his eyes with +the trust and friendliness which he had sought for so long in vain. +His face became so expressive of his feelings that she hurried on +to speak of another matter weighing on her mind. + +"Mr. Atwood," she said hesitatingly, "I have another trouble. You +looked so vindictively at that Mr. Bissel in the court-room that I +have feared you might do something that you would afterward regret. +I know how one with your honorable spirit would feel toward such a +wretch, but, believe me, he is beneath your notice. I should feel +so badly if you got into any trouble on my account. Indeed it +seems that I couldn't stand it at all," and she said it with so +much feeling that he was honestly delighted. His spirits were rising +fast, for this frank, strong interest in his welfare, in contrast +with her old constraint and coldness, was sweet to him beyond all +words. + +With a mischievous and rather wicked look in his dark eyes, he said, +"You must leave that fellow to me. I'm not a saint as you are." + +Mildred proved that she was not altogether a saint by inwardly +relishing his spirit, for she never could overcome some of the +traits of her Southern blood; but she said, honestly and anxiously, +"I should feel very badly if you got into any trouble." + +"That thought will make me prudent," he replied gratefully. "You +would never feel badly again about anything, if I had my way." + +"I believe you, Mr. Atwood, and I can't see why I did not understand +you better before," said Mildred, the words slipping out almost +before she knew it. + +"I don't think you understand me yet," he answered, very gently. + +She did not reply, but he saw her fingers trembling with nervous +apprehension as she tried to go on with her sewing; he also saw +that she was growing very pale. Indeed she had almost the sick, +faint look of one who is about to submit to some painful operation. + +"Don't be frightened, Miss Mildred," he remarked, after watching +her keenly for a moment or two. She looked up and saw him smiling +broadly at her. In answer to her perplexed look he continued +quietly, "I can tell you what has been the matter between us, and +what is the matter now--you are afraid of me." + +"Mr. Atwood--" faltered Mildred, and then words failed her, and +her pale face crimsoned. + +"Don't you think it would be best for us to understand each other, +now that we are to be friends?" he asked. + +"Yes," gasped the young girl faintly, fearing every moment that +he would lose his self-control and pour out a vehement declaration +of his love. She was prepared to say, "Roger Atwood, I am ready to +make any sacrifice within my power that you can ask," but at the +same time felt that she could endure slow torture by fire better +than passionate words of love, which would simply bruise the heart +that could make no response. If he would only ask quietly, "Mildred, +will you be my wife when the right time comes? I'll be content +with such love as you can give," she would have replied with the +calmness of an unalterable purpose, "Yes, Roger, and I'll do my +best," believing that years of effort might be crowned with success. +But now, to have him plead passionately for what she could no more +bestow than if she were dead, gave her an indescribable sense of +fear, pain, and repugnance; and she cowered and shrank over the +sewing which she could scarcely hold, so great was her nervous +apprehension. + +Instead of the vehement declaration there came a low, mellow laugh, +and she lifted her eyes and stared at him, her work dropping from +her hands. + +Roger understood the situation so well, and was so thoroughly the +master of it in his generous self-control and kindly intentions, that +he should scarcely be blamed if he got out of it such bitter-sweet +enjoyment as he could, and he said, with a twinkle in his eyes, +"Miss Millie, I wasn't going to strike you." + +"I don't understand you at all," cried Mildred, with a pathetically +perplexed expression and starting tears, for the nervous strain +was becoming a little too prolonged. + +Roger became grave at once, and with a quiet, gentle manner he came +to her side and took her hand. "Will you be as honest with me as +I shall be with you?" he asked. + +"I'll try to be." + +"Well, then, I'll soon solve for you my poor little riddle. Miss +Mildred, you know that I have loved you ever since you waked up an +awkwad, lazy, country fellow into the wish to be a man." + +His words were plain enough now, surely, but she was no longer +frightened, for he spoke in such a kindly natural voice that she +looked him straight in the eyes, with a delicate bloom in her face, +and replied: + +"I didn't wish to mislead you, Mr. Atwood, and I wouldn't trifle +with you." + +"You have been truth and honesty itself." + +"No, I've not," she answered impetuously; "I cherished an unreasoning +prejudice against you, and--and--I disliked you, though why, +I can't see now, and nobly you have triumphed over both prejudice +and dislike." + +"It will ever be the proudest triumph of my life; but, Miss Mildred, +you do not love me in the least, and I fear you never will." + +"I am so sorry, so very sorry," she faltered, with a crimson face +and downcast eyes. + +"I am, too; but that which I want to say to you is, that you are not +to blame, and I don't blame you. I could not love a girl simply +because she wanted me to, were such a thing possible, and why +should I demand of you what I couldn't do myself? All I asked in +the first place--don't you remember it in the old front walk at +home?--was friendship. Let us go back to that. Let me become your +simple, honest friend, and help you in every way within my power. +Don't let me frighten you any more with the dread of high tragedy. +Now you've had all the declaration you ever need fear. I won't break +loose or explode under any provocation. I can't help my love, and +you must not punish me for it, nor make yourself miserable about +it, as if it were a powder magazine which a kind word or look might +touch off. I want to put your heart to rest, for you have enough +to bear now, Heaven knows; I want you to feel safe with me--as +free from fear and annoyance as Belle is. I won't presume or be +sentimental." + +"Oh, my perverse, perverse heart!" wailed Mildred. "I could tear it +out of my breast and throw it away in disgust. I want to love--it +would be a poor return for all that you are and have done for +me--but it is of no use. I will not deceive one so true as you +are, by even a trace of falseness. You deserve the love of the best +woman in the world, and some day you'll find her---" + +"I have found her," he put in quietly. + +"No, no, no!" she cried passionately; "but I am as nature made me, +and I can't seem to help myself. How strange it seems that I can +say from the depths of my soul I could die for you, and yet that +I can't do just the one thing you deserve a thousand times! But, +Roger, I will be the most devoted sister that ever a man had." + +"No," he said, smiling, "that won't answer at all. That wouldn't +be honest, as far as I am concerned. Belle is my sister, but you +can never be. I know you don't love me now, and, as I've said, +perhaps you never can, but I'm too persistent in my nature to give +up the hope. Time may bring changes, and I've got years of up-hill +work before I can think of marrying. You are in a self-sacrificing +mood now. I saw it in your eyes and manner last night--I see it now. +Mildred, I could take a very great advantage of you if I chose." + +"Indeed you could. You don't know how generous you are. You have +conquered me, overwhelmed me by your kindness, and I couldn't say +No to anything in your nature to ask." + +For a moment he looked sorely tempted, and then he said brusquely, +"I'll put a spoke in that wheel. I'd give all the world for this +little hand, but I won't take it until your heart goes with it. So +there!" + +The young girl sighed deeply. "You are right," she murmured, "when +you give so much I can give so little." + +"That is not what I was thinking of. As a woman you have sacred +rights, and I should despise myself if I tried to buy you with +kindness, or take advantage of your gratitude. I'll admit, too, +since we are to have no dark corners in this talk, that I would +rather be loved as I know you can love. I'd rather have an honest +friendship than a forced affection, even though the force was only +in the girl's will and wishes. I was reading Maud Muller the other +night, and no woman shall ever say of her life's happiness, that +but for me 'it might have been.'" + +"I don't think any woman could ever say that of you." + +"Mildred, you showed me your heart last night, and it has a will +stronger than your will, and it shall have its way." + +The girl again sighed. "Roger," she said, "one reason why I so shrank +from you in the past was that you read my thoughts. You have more +than a woman's intuition." + +"No," he said, laughing a little grimly, "I'm not a bit feminine in +my nature. My explanation may seem absurd to you, but it's true, I +think. I am exceedingly fond of hunting, and I so trained my eyes +that if a leaf stirred or a bird moved a wing I saw it. When you +waked me up, and I determined to seek my fortunes out in the world, +I carried with me the same quickness of eye. I do not let much that +is to be seen escape me, and on a face like yours thoughts usually +leave some trace." + +"You didn't learn to be a gentleman, in the best sense of the word, +in the woods," she said, with a smile. + +"No, you and your mother taught me that, and I may add, your father, +for when I first saw him he had the perfection of manners." He +might also have referred to Vinton Arnold, whom he had studied so +carefully, but he could not bring himself to speak of one whom in +his heart he knew to be the chief barrier between them, for he was +well aware that it was Mildred's involuntary fidelity to her first +love that made his suit so dubious. At his reference to her father +Mildred's eyes had filled at once, and he continued gently, "We +understand each other now, do we not? You won't be afraid of me +any more, and will let me help you all to brighter days?" + +She put both of her hands in his, and said earnestly, "No, I will +never be afraid of you again, but I only half understand you yet, +for I did not know that there was a man in the world so noble, so +generous, so honest. You have banished every trace of constraint, +and I'll do everything you say." + +There was a look of almost boyish pleasure on his face as she +spoke, and in imitation of the heroes of the interminable old-time +romances that once had formed the larger part of his reading, he +was about to raise her hand to his lips when she snatched it away, +and as if mastered by an impulse not to be controlled, put her arms +around his neck and kissed him, then burst into tears with her head +upon his shoulder. + +He trembled a moment, and said, in low tones, "God bless you, +Millie." Then he gently placed her in her chair. "You mustn't do that +again," he said gravely. "With you it was but a grateful sisterly +impulse, but if I were Samson I'd not be strong enough--well, you +understand me. I don't want to give the lie to all I've said." + +"Oh, Roger, Roger," sobbed the girl, "I can do nothing for you and +yet you have saved me from shame and are giving us all hope and +life." + +"You are responsible for all there is good in me," he tried to +say lightly, "and I'll show you in coming years if you have done +nothing for me. Good-by now. It's all right and settled between +us. Tell Mrs. Jocelyn that one hundred dollars are ready as soon +as she can induce her husband to take the step we spoke of." And +he hastened away, feeling that it was time he retreated if he would +make good the generous words he had spoken. + + + + +CHAPTER XXXIX + +"HOME, SWEET HOME!" + + +"Oh, Millie," cried Mrs. Jocelyn, entering with the children and +throwing herself into a chair, fatigued and panting from her walk +and climb of the stairs, "I've so much to tell you. Oh, I'm so +distressed and sorry. It seems that evil has become our lot, and +that we bring nothing but evil to others. You, too, look as if you +had been crying as if your heart would break." + +"No, mamma, I feel much better--more at rest than I have been for +a long time. My tears have done me good." + +"Well, I'm sorry I must tell you something that will grieve you +dreadfully, but there's no help for it. It does seem when things +are going wrong in one's life, there's no telling where they'll +stop. You know Mrs. Wheaton works for Roger's aunt, Mrs. Atwood. +Well, she was there this morning, and Mrs. Atwood talked dreadfully +about us, and how we had inveigled her nephew into the worst of +folly. She told Mrs. Wheaton that Mr. Atwood had intended to give +Roger a splendid education, and might have made him his heir, but +that he demanded, as his condition, that he should have nothing +more to do with such people as we were, and how Roger refused, and +how after a bitter quarrel the latter left the house at midnight. +She also said that his uncle would have nothing more to do with +him, and that his family at home would be almost equally angry. +Oh, I feel as if I could sink into the earth with shame and worry. +What shall we do?" + +"Surely, mamma, there is some mistake. Roger was here much of the +afternoon, and he never said one word about it," Mildred answered, +with a troubled face. + +"It's just like him. He didn't want to pain you with the news. +What did he say?" she asked, with kindling interest, and Mildred +told her substantially all that had occurred. + +"Well, Millie," said her mother emphatically, "you will be the +queerest girl on the face of the earth if you can't love him now, +for he has given up everything for you. He might have been richer +than Vinton Arnold." + +"He must not give up anything," said Mildred resolutely. "There is +reason in all things. He is little more than a boy in years, and he +has a boy's simplicity and unworldliness. I won't let him sacrifice +himself for me. He doesn't know what he is doing. His aunt's +estimate of such people as we have become is correct, and I'll +perish a thousand times before I'll be the means of dragging down +such a man as Roger Atwood. If I knew where to find him I'd go and +tell him so this moment." + +That was a dreary hour in the poor little home, but worse things +were in store for them, for, as Mrs. Jocelyn said, when things are +going wrong there is a terrible logic about them, and malign events +follow each other with almost inevitable sequence. All was wrong +with the head of the family, and terrible were the consequences +to his helpless wife and children. Mr. Jocelyn heard a rumor of +Mildred's experience in the police court, and he went to the place +that day and obtained some account of the affair. More clearly and +awfully than ever before he comprehended the depths into which he +had fallen. He had not been appealed to--he had not even been told. +He did not stop to consider how good the reasons were for the course +his family had taken, but, blind with anger and despair, he sought +his only refuge from the hell within his breast, and began drinking +recklessly. By the time he reached the tenement where he dwelt he +was in a state of wild intoxication. A man at the door called him +a drunken beast, at which Mr. Jocelyn grasped him by the throat +and a fierce scuffle ensued. Soon the whole populous dwelling was +in an uproar, while the man retreated, fighting, up the stairways, +and his infuriated assailant followed with oaths and curses. Women +and children were screaming, and men and boys pouring out of their +rooms, some jeering and laughing, and others making timid and futile +efforts to appease and restrain the liquor-crazed man. + +Suddenly a door opened, and a pale face looked out; then a slight +girlish figure darted through the crowd and clasped Mr. Jocelyn. +He looked down and recognized his daughter Mildred. For a moment he +seemed a little sobered, and then the demon within him reasserted +itself. "Get out of my way!" he shouted. "I'll teach that infernal +Yankee to insult a Southern officer and gentleman. Let me go," he +said furiously, "or I'll throw you down the stairway," but Mildred +clung to him with her whole weight, and the men now from very shame +rushed in and overpowered him. + +He was speedily thrust within his own doorway, and Mildred turned +the key after him and concealed it. Little recked the neighbors, +as they gradually subsided into quiet, that there came a crash of +crockery and a despairing cry from the Jocelyns' room. They had +witnessed such scenes before, and were all too busy to run any risk +of being summoned as witnesses at a police court on the morrow. +The man whom Mr. Jocelyn had attacked said that he would see the +agent of the house in the morning and have the Jocelyn family sent +away at once, because a nuisance, and all were content with this +arrangement. + +Within that locked door a terrible scene would have been enacted +had it not been for Mildred's almost supernatural courage, for her +father was little better than a wild beast. In his mad rush forward +he overturned the supper-table, and the evening meal lay in a heap +upon the floor. The poor wife, with a cry in which hope and her +soul itself seemed to depart fell swooning on the children's bed, +and the little ones fled to the darkest corner of Mildred's room +and cowered in speechless fear. There was none to face him save +the slight girl, at whom he glared as if he would annihilate her. + +"Let me out!" he said savagely. + +"No," said the girl, meeting his frenzied gaze unwaveringly, "not +until you are sober." + +He rushed to the door, but could not open it. Then turning upon +Mildred he said, "Give me the key--no words--or I'll teach you who +is master." + +There were no words, but only such a look as is rarely seen on. +a woman's face. He raised his hand to strike her, but she did not +shrink a hair-breadth. "Papa," she said, in a low, concentrated +tone, "you called yourself a Southern gentleman. I did not dream +you could strike a woman, even when drunk." + +The effect of her words was magical. His hand sank to his side. +Then he raised it and passed it over his brow as if it all were a +horrid dream. Without a word he went with unsteady step to his own +room, and again Mildred locked the door upon him. + +Mrs. Jocelyn's swoon was long and death-like, and before Mildred +could restore her, Belle, returning from her work, tried to enter, +and finding the door locked called for admittance. When she crossed +the threshold and saw the supper dishes broken and scattered on +the floor: when she saw her mother looking as if dead, the little +ones crying at her side, and Mildred scarcely less pale than the +broken-hearted woman, with a desperate look in her blue eyes, the +young girl gave a long, low cry of despair, and covering her face +with her hands she sank into a chair murmuring, "I can't endure +this any longer--I'd rather die. We are just going to rack and +ruin. Oh, I wish I could die, for I'm getting reckless--and--and +wicked. Oh, oh, oh!--" + +"Belle, come and help me," said Mildred, in the hard, constrained +tones of one who is maintaining self-control by the utmost effort. +Belle complied, but there was an expression on her face that filled +her sister's soul with dread. + +It were well perhaps to veil the agony endured in the stricken +household that night. The sufferings of such women as Mrs. Jocelyn +and Mildred cannot be portrayed in words, and the dark chaos that +had come into poor Belle's tempted, despairing, immature soul might +well make her good angel weep. With a nature craving sunshine and +pleasure like the breath of life, she felt herself being dragged +hopelessly into darkness, shame, and abject poverty. The poor child +was not deliberately contemplating evil--she was scarcely capable +of doing good or evil deliberately--but a youth who had sought her +once before, and of whom she had long been shy, was again hovering +around her. + +She was more wary now, yet bolder, and received his advances with +a manner tinged with mocking coquetry. He was profuse with promises, +and she tried to believe them, but in her heart she could not, and +yet she did not repulse him with that stern, brief decision which +forms the viewless, impassable wall that hedges virtue. + +The sisters tried to remove the outward traces of their wrecked +home, and mechanically restored such order as was within their power, +but in their secret souls they saw their household gods overturned +and trampled upon, and, with the honor and manhood of their father, +they felt that night as if they had lost everything. + +After they had quieted their mother and brought the poor creature a +brief oblivion, Mildred made a passionate appeal to Belle to stand +by her. The warm-hearted girl cried and wrung her hands passionately, +but all her trembling sister could obtain from her were the words, + +"Millie, we are being dragged down I don't know where." + +Events followed rapidly. Before Mr. Jocelyn, sullen, nerveless, +racked with headache and tortured with heartache, could leave his +room on the morrow, the agent of the tenement served a notice on +him to the effect that he must vacate his rooms at once; that the +other tenants complained of him as a nuisance; and that he (the +agent) would be content to lose the rent for the few days that had +elapsed since the last regular payment if they would all go out +at once. The angry reply was that they would move that day, and, +without a word, he left his family in suspense. In the course of the +forenoon he returned with a furniture van, and had so braced himself +with opium that he was able to assist effectively, yet morosely, +in the packing and removing of their fast-dwindling effects, for +everything not essential had been sold. His wife and daughter did +not remonstrate--they were too dispirited for that--but in dreary +apathy did his bidding as far as their strength permitted, feeling +meanwhile that any change could scarcely be for the worse. + +Mildred almost felt that it was for the better, for their new +shelter was in a small rear tenement not far from the old mansion, +and was reached from the street by a long covered passageway. To her +morbid fancy it suggested the hiding-place that her heart craved. +She now scarcely heeded the facts that the place was anything but +cleanly and that their neighbors were more unpromising in appearance +than those they had just left. Mrs. Jocelyn was so ill and weak +that she ought not to raise her hands, and Mildred felt that her +strength was unequal to the task of even arranging their household +articles so as to make the poor little nook inhabitable. She therefore +went for their old stanch ally Mrs. Wheaton, who returned with her +and wrought such miracles as the wretched place permitted of. In +just foreboding she shook her head over the prospects of her friends +in such a neighborhood, for her experienced eyes enabled her to +gauge very correctly the character of the people who lived across +the hall and in the upper and lower stories. They were chiefly +ignorant and debased Irish families, and the good woman's fears +were not wholly due to race antipathy. In the tenement from which +they came, the people, although poor, were in the main stolid, +quiet, and hard-working, but here on every side were traces and +hints, even at midday, of degraded and vicious lives. The classes +in the tenements appear to have a moral gravity or affinity which +brings to the same level and locality those who are alike, and +woe be to aliens who try to dwell among them. The Jocelyns did not +belong to the tenement classes at all, and Mrs. Wheaton correctly +feared that the purgatory which was the corner-stone in their +neighbors' creeds would be realized in the temporal experience of +the Southern family. Now that the step had been taken, however, +she concealed her anxieties, and did her best to avoid collisions +with the burly, red-faced women and insolent children whose +officious offers of help were but thin veils to a coarse curiosity +and a desire for petty pilfering. Mildred shuddered at the people +about her, and was cold and brief in her words. As it was, Fred +nearly brought on general hostilities by resisting a shock-headed +little urchin who had not the remotest regard for the principles +of MEUM and TUUM. As the sun declined the general verdict of the +neighbors was, "They thinks themselves too foine for the loikes o' +us, but we'll tache 'em." + +After Mrs. Wheaton had departed with many misgivings, Mildred took +her father aside and told him plainly what had occurred the evening +before. He sat with his face buried in his hands, and listened without +a word. Indeed, he was so overwhelmed with shame and remorse that +he was speechless. "Papa, look at me," she said at last. + +Slowly he raised his bloodshot, fearful eyes to hers, and the +expression of his child's face made him tremble. + +"Papa," she said slowly, and her tones were both sad and stern, +"you must never come home drunk again. Another such scene might +cost mamma her life. If you WILL take opium, we cannot help it, but +you must drink no more vile liquor. I have now learned from bitter +experience what the latter means, and what it must lead to. I +shall not fail in love and duty to you, but I cannot permit mamma, +Belle, and the children to be utterly destroyed. You may do some +wild, reckless deed that would blast us all beyond remedy; therefore, +if you have a particle of self-control left, let rum alone, or else +we must protect ourselves. We have endured it thus far, not with +patience and resignation, but in a sort of apathetic despair. This +apathy has been broken. Belle is becoming reckless, mamma is dying +of a broken heart, and the little ones are exposed to influences +that threaten to blight their lives. There must be some change for +the better. We must at least be relieved from the fear of bodily +harm and the intolerable shame of such scenes as occurred last night. +In our hard struggle we must find some kind of a refuge and some +degree of quiet and peace in what we call home. It is no kindness +to you to endure in silence any longer, and I now see that it will +be fatal to those we both love. You may not be able to refrain +from opium, but you can and must give up liquor. If you cannot, +and there is a remedy in the land, we must avail ourselves of it. +I do not know what kind of a place you have brought us to, but I +feel sure that we shall need protection. If you should come home +again as you did last night, I am satisfied, from the looks of the +people in this house, that we should have a scene of violence that +I shudder to think of. You had better--it would be more merciful +to stab mamma to her heart than to cause her death by drunkenness." + +Her words were not threatening, but were spoken with the calmness +of inexorable resolve, and he sat before her with an ashen face, +trembling like an aspen, for it was like the Day of Judgment to +him. Then in gentler and pleading accents she told him of their +plan to place him under skilful treatment, and besought him to +yield himself up to the care of one who had won much reputation +in dealing with cases like his own; but all the encouragement she +could obtain were the words, "I'll think of it." + +The memory of those fearful days on shipboard, when he was without +morphia, made him recoil with unspeakable dread from a like ordeal +again, but he promised earnestly that he would indulge no more +in liquor. With the cunning of an opium maniac he understood his +danger, knowing that further scenes of violence would lead to his +arrest and imprisonment. Of his gentle wife he had no fears, but +this frail, resolute girl subdued him. He saw that he was driving +a strong nature to desperation--saw it with all the agony and remorse +of a naturally good father whose better nature was bound hand and +foot by depraved appetites. He was conscious of the terrible wrong +that he was inflicting on those for whom he once would have died +to shield them from a breath of dishonor. But, come what might, he +must have opium now, and to counteract the words of his daughter he +took enough morphia to kill all the wretched inmates of the tenement. +Under its slight exhilaration he felt some hope of availing himself +of the proposition that he should go to a curative institution, +and he half promised that he would before long. At this point the +painful interview ended, and Mildred went for Belle, who as yet +had no knowledge of their change of abode. + +As the two girls returned, in the dusk of evening, to the long dark +passageway that led to the tenement in which they now had rooms, +Mildred trembled with fear as she saw that its entrance was surrounded +and blocked by a group of rough-looking young men and boys. Belle +pushed boldly through them, although they leered, laughed, and made +coarse jests. Mildred followed shrinkingly, with downcast eyes. +"We'll tache 'em to be neighborly," were the last words she heard, +showing that the young ruffians had already obtained their cue from +their depraved and low-lived parents. + +They looked forward to a dismal evening, but a loyal friend came +to their rescue. Roger, having arranged the room selected for him +by Mr. Wentworth, could not resist the temptation to see those +who were ever uppermost in his thoughts. In dismay and anxiety he +learned of their hasty removal and something of the causes which +led to it. From the janitor he obtained their present address, +and the appearance of his broad shoulders and fearless face had a +restraining influence on the mischief-making propensities of the +rowdies who kennelled in the vicinity. The alien new-comers evidently +were not friendless, and there was hesitation in the half-formed +measures for their annoyance. + +Roger remained an hour or two, aiding the girls in trying to make +the rooms more homelike, which, however, was rather a hopeless +task. Mr. Jocelyn, half stupefied by opium, retreated to one of +the small dark closet bedrooms, and left the scene unembarrassed by +his presence. Roger remarked emphatically that the tenement was no +place for them, but Mildred told him that the rent had been paid +for a month in advance, and that they must try to endure it, adding, +"The twenty-five dollars that you and Mr. Wentworth obtained for +me has been, after all, a perfect Godsend." + +He was touched, and bound to her with bands of steel by the perfect +trust she now reposed in him, and he determined to watch over her +like an amiable dragon, making it his first and constant thought +how to rescue them all from their wretched condition. He was much +surprised, however, when Mildred said to him, as he was preparing +to leave, "Mr. Atwood, there is something I wish to say to you. +Will you let me walk a block or two with you, and then bring me +back again?" + +Roger tried to disguise his feelings by saying laughingly that he +would "walk to Spuyten Duyvil" with her, but added, "You are too +tired to go out at all to-night. I will come to-morrow evening," +and he remonstrated so earnestly and kindly that she yielded, +promising to rest much of the following day. + +"Oh, Millie," said her mother, with a faint smile, "it does my heart +good to see that there is some one who knows how and has the will +to take care of you." + +"Yes," cried Belle, "this place is a perfect hole. It's not fit +for nice girls to be seen in, and if Roger gives us a chance to +get out of it you had better take it as soon as possible. I give +you fair warning." + +"What do you mean, Belle?" asked her mother. Belle made no answer, +but went to her closet bedroom with a morose, sullen look on her face. +The poor woman looked inquiringly at Mildred, who said soothingly, +"Don't worry, mamma. Belle is a little tired and discouraged tonight. +She'll be in a better mood in the morning." + +When all were sleeping from the fatigues of the day, she sat alone +with clasped hands and eyes so wide and troubled that it seemed +as if she could never close them again. "Alas!" she sighed, "what +must I do? He is our good genius, and yet I must drive him away. +He must not sacrifice all his prospects for us. It would be most +cruel and unjust to let him do so. I must reason with him and show +him plainly that it would not be right, and absolve him from every +shadow of blame for leaving us to such fate as God permits. Because +he is so generous and brave he shall not suffer a loss which he +cannot now comprehend." + +At last, from utter weariness, she fell into a broken sleep. + + + + +CHAPTER XL + +NEIGHBORS + + +Promptly the following evening Roger appeared, and with glowing +cheeks told his friends that Mr. Wentworth had found him employment +in a lawyer's office, which would enable him to pay his way and +at the same time give him much practical insight into his chosen +profession. Mildred looked at him wistfully, but her resolution +was not shaken, and they went out together, Roger saying, with a +smiling nod at Belle, "It will be your turn to-morrow evening." + +"Roger," said Mildred, "I've much to say to you, and it is of great +importance that you should listen calmly and sensibly." + +"All right," he answered laughingly. "You will find me as quiet +and impressible as the oysters over which we'll have our talk, but +only on this condition. You shall not fatigue yourself by a word +here in the street." Nevertheless she felt the phlegmatic creature's +arm trembling under her hand. After a moment he went on, in the +same light way, "I want you to understand I am not going to be a +friend in name merely; I intend to assert my rights, and you had +better learn from the start that I am the most tremendously obstinate +fellow in the city." + +"But you must listen to reason." + +"Certainly; so must you." + +"To begin with," she resumed, "I've had my supper, and so don't +need any more." + +"I haven't had mine, and am ravenous. The idea of talking reason +to a hungry man! I know of a nice quiet restaurant which, at this +hour, we'll have almost to ourselves. You surely won't be so unsocial +as to let me eat alone." + +"Well, if I yield in trifles you must yield in matters that are +vital. Why did you not get your supper before?" + +"Too busy; and then, to be honest, I knew I'd enjoy it a hundredfold +more with you. I'm a social animal." + +Mildred sighed, for this good-comradeship was making her duty very +hard. + +They soon reached the place in question, and Roger ordered enough +for four. + +"You don't realize what you are doing in any respect," said Mildred +in smiling reproof. + +"Wait half an hour before you settle that question," he replied +with a confident nod. "I'll soon prove to you what an unsentimental +being I am." + +"Oh," thought Mildred, "how can I give up his friendship when he +acts in this way? And yet I must. He must be shown just how he is +wronging himself." When the waiter had departed she looked straight +into his eyes with one of her steadfast glances, and said earnestly, +"Roger, I appreciate your generous kindness far more than any words +can tell you, but the time has come for me to act resolutely and +finally. Sad experience has taught me more within a year than most +women learn in a lifetime. Mrs. Wheaton, who often works for your +aunt, has told us of the sacrifice you have made in our behalf, +and we cannot permit it. If not in years, I'm much older than you +in other respects, and you don't realize--" + +Roger interrupted her by leaning back in his chair and breaking +out into an irrepressible laugh. "So you are going to interfere in +behalf of the small boy's interests? My venerable friend, permit +me to remind you that I am six feet high in my stockings, and have +lately reached the mature age of twenty-one." + +"Roger," replied Mildred, with a pained look on her face, "I'm +in earnest, and I've lain awake nearly all of two nights thinking +about it." + +"Millie, your oysters are getting cold. You don't know anything +about boys, much less about men. Don't you know I'll be much more +amiable after supper? It's the nature of the male animal, and what's +the use of going against nature?" + +"Oh, Roger, listen to me. I'm desperately in earnest. To let you +sacrifice such prospects as Mrs. Wheaton said your uncle held out +to you for our sakes oppresses me with guilt. I can't eat anything--you +don't realize--" + +"Millie Jocelyn," said Roger, his face becoming grave and gentle, +"I know what you are driving at. You might as well try to stop Spring +from coming on. I'm going to be your honest, faithful friend, so +help me God! Even if you left me now and refused to speak to me +again, I'd watch over you and yours in every way I could. It's my +good destiny, and I thank God for it, for I feel it's making a man +of me. I won't deceive you in one iota, and I admit to my shame +that my worldly old uncle tempted me that night, especially after +I saw from your face just how you felt. Even then my hope was that +I could do more for you by yielding to his views than if I stood +out against them, but a little thought convinced me that you +would starve rather than take aid from one who would not give open +friendship and companionship, and you would be right. Oh, I exult +in your pride, and respect you for it. You are my ideal woman, +Millie, and if my uncle had owned this island, and had offered it +all to me, I'd have made a wretched bargain in giving up for it +the privilege of being here this evening, with the right to look +you straight in the eyes without shame. If I had yielded to him +then, as the devil tempted me to, I'd never have known another day +of self-respect or happiness. I'm building now on the rock of honor +and manhood, and you can't say anything that will change my purpose. +I know what I am about if I am only a 'boy'; and Mr. Wentworth, +who has been told all, approves of my course. So eat your oysters, +Millie, and submit to the inevitable." + +"Oh, Roger, Roger, what shall I say to you?" + +"Look here, Millie; if you were in my place, would you desert a +brave, true girl in misfortune? No; unlike me, you would never have +hesitated a moment." + +"But, Roger, as you say you--you--saw in my face a truth that +absolved you--" + +"What I saw in your face," he said gravely, "is my misfortune. +It is not anything for which you are to blame in the least. And, +Millie, I'd rather have your friendship than any other woman's love. +I'm choosing my own course with my eyes open, and, thank God, I've +chosen rightly. I'd have been the most miserable fellow in the whole +city if I had chosen otherwise. Now I'm happy. It's all right. I've +vowed to be a brother to Belle, and to do all in my power for your +sweet, gentle mother. I've vowed to be your true friend in all +respects, and if you protested till Doomsday it wouldn't make any +difference. I've written to my mother, and I know her well enough +to be sure that she will approve of my course. So will my father +by and by. He isn't bad at heart, but, like uncle, a dollar is so +large in his eyes that it hides the sun. Be that as it may, I'm +just as much of an Atwood as he is, and can be just as obstinate +in doing what I know to be right as he can be in requiring a course +that would spoil my life. Millie, there never was a soldier, in +all the past, braver than you have shown yourself to be, and you +are a delicate girl that I could carry like a child. Do you advise +a young, strong-handed fellow to play the coward, and desert the +women I love and honor in their sore need and danger? You have +looked on only one side of this question, and you must not think +so meanly of me as to even suggest anything of the kind again." + +"Roger, Roger, can you realize what you are saying?" Mildred +faltered, a slow, painful flush crimsoning her face. "How can you +honor those who are so disgraced? You don't know what papa has +become. The world will share your uncle's views concerning us." + +"I do know all about your father, Millie, and I pity him from the +depths of my soul. He is the dark background which brings out your +absolute truth and purity. I do honor you and Mrs. Jocelyn as I +honor my own mother, and I intend to prove myself worthy of your +respect at least, for its loss would be fatal to me. I even honor +your rare fidelity, though it stands so awfully in my way. Now, +surely, we understand each other. But, come, this is far too serious +talk for a restaurant and the supper-table. I am now going to give +my whole soul to oysters, and I adjure you by our bonds to do the +same. Here's to our friendship, Millie, and may I be choked the +moment I'm false to it!" and he drained a generous cup of coffee. + +"You won't listen to me, then," she said, with a face wherein +perplexity, relief, and gratitude were blended. + +"I won't listen to a word that will make me the most miserable +wretch in the world, and you won't get rid of me as long as I live. +So, there, you might as well submit to fate and eat your oysters." + +Her expression became very grave and resolute. "Roger," she said +slowly, "I did not know there was so kind and true a man in the +world. I will do anything that you can ask." + +His eyes suddenly became infinitely wistful and tender, and then +he gave himself a little characteristic shake as he said, rather +brusquely, "I accept that promise, and shall at once tax it to the +utmost with the request that you eat a jolly good supper and call +on me every time I can aid you." + +Her glance in response warmed his soul, and then she gave herself +up to social friendliness in a way which proved that a great +burden had been taken from her heart. On their way home, however, +she hinted her fears in regard to Belle, and Roger understood her +thoroughly. For the next few days he watched the young girl, and soon +satisfied himself as to the character of the man who was pursuing +her. His object now was to obtain some ground for brotherly +interference, and one Saturday evening, while following Belle home, +he saw a young man join her and receive an undoubted welcome. He +soon became aware that matters were progressing fast and far, for +the young people wandered off into unfrequented streets, and once, +where the shadows were deepest, he saw Belle's attendant steal +his arm about her waist and kiss her. Belle's protest was not very +vigorous, and when at last they parted in the passageway that led +to Belle's home the kiss was repeated and not resented at all. + +Roger followed the young man, and said, "You have just parted from +Miss Belle Jocelyn." + +"Well, that's my affair." + +"You will find yourself so greatly mistaken that you had better +answer my questions honestly. What are your intentions toward her? +I have the right to ask." + +"None of your business." + +"Look here, young man, she has acknowledged me as her brother, +and as a brother I feel toward her. I've only a few plain words to +say. If your intentions are honorable I'll not interfere, although +I know all about you, and you are not my style of man by any means. +If your intentions are not honorable, and you do not cease your +attentions, I'll break every bone in your body--I swear it by the +God who made me." + +"Go to the devil!" muttered the fellow. + +"No, sir, nor shall I permit you to take one dear to me to the devil, +but I pledge my word to send you straight to him if you harm Belle +Jocelyn. Here, stop and look me in the eyes under this lamp. You +kissed her twice to-night. Do you intend to make her your wife?" + +There was no answer, but the sullen, half-frightened face was an +unmistakable response. "I understand you now," said Roger savagely, +taking the fellow by the throat, "and I'll send you swiftly to +perdition if you don't promise to let that girl alone," and his +gleaming eyes and iron grasp awed the incipient roue so completely +that he quavered out: + +"Oh, let go. If you feel the girl is your property, I'll let her +alone." + +Roger gave him a wrathful push which precipitated his limp form +into the gutter, and growled as he walked of, "If you value your +life, keep your promise." + +An evening or two later Roger said to Belle, whom he had taken out +for a stroll, "I kept my word--I cowhided that fellow Bissel, who +played such a dastardly part toward your sister. Of course I did +not want to get myself into trouble, or give him any power over +me, so I found out his haunts and followed him. One night, as he +was returning rather late from a drinking saloon, I spoiled his good +looks with a dozen savage cuts. He was too confused to see who it +was in the dark, and to mislead him more thoroughly I said, with +the last blow, 'Take that for lying and causing a poor girl to +be sent to prison.' He thinks, no doubt, that some friend of the +thief was the one who punished him. What's more, he won't forget +the lashing I gave him till his dying day, and if I mistake not +his smooth face will long bear my marks." + +Belle gave but a languid approval, for she had missed her lover for +the last two evenings. "Belle," he continued, gravely but gently, +"I was tempted to choke the life out of a fellow the other night, +and it was the life of one who kissed you twice." + +She dropped her hand from his arm, but he replaced it and held it +tightly as he resumed, "I'm no make-believe brother, you know. I'm +just such a brother as I would be if I had been born with you on +a Southern plantation. Though the young man was not to my mind, I +told him that if his intentions were honorable I would not interfere, +but I soon learned that he was an out-and-out scoundrel, and I said +words to him that will make him shun you as he would death. Belle, +I would kill him as I used to club rattlesnakes in the country, if +he harmed a hair of your head, and he knows it." + +"You misjudge him utterly," cried Belle in a passion. "and you +have just driven away the one friend that I had in all the world. +I won't stand it. I'm not a baby, and I won't be treated like one." + +Roger let her storm on without a word, but at last, when she +concluded, "I've no father worthy of the name, and so I'll take +care of myself," he asked quietly: + +"How about your mother, Belle?" + +In strong revulsion the impulsive girl gave way to an equally +passionate outburst of grief. "Oh," she cried, "I wish I were dead!" + +"Belle," said Roger, very gently now, "if you listened to that +fellow you would soon make that wish in earnest. Now in your heart +you don't mean it at all. You don't love such a man, and you know +it. Why should you throw your young, beautiful life into the gutter? +It is a mere reckless protest against your unhappy life. Belle, +you are not seventeen, and you may live till you are seventy if +you take care of yourself. Think of the changes for the better that +may come in that time. They shall come, too. I shall share with you +all my fortunes, and you have told me many a time that I was sure +to succeed. I pledge you my word that before many years you shall +have good honest men at your feet," and he reasoned with her so +sensibly, and petted and soothed her so kindly, that at last she +clung to his arm as if it were a defence indeed, and said, with +tearful eyes, "You ARE a brother in the best sense of the word, and +I wonder you have patience with such a reckless, passionate fool +as I am. I'm not fit for you to speak to." + +"No, Belle, you are not bad at heart--far from it. You are half +desperate from your present misfortunes, and in your blind impulse +to escape you would make matters infinitely worse. Be patient, +dear. It's a long lane that has no turning. To one so young as you +are life promises very much, if it is not spoiled at the beginning, +and Mr. Wentworth would tell us that there is a heaven beyond it +all." + +The influence of this interview did not speedily pass from her +mind, and by her gentler and more patient bearing Mildred was taught +again how much she owed to one whom she had so long repelled. + +Mr. Wentworth succeeded in interesting the lady to whom he had +referred in Mildred, and a visit from the young girl confirmed her +good impressions. As a result, sufficient work was found or made +to give Mildred steady employment. Mr. Jocelyn was comparatively +quiet and much at home. Often he was excessively irritable and +exasperating in words and manner, but no longer violent from bestial +excess. He put off the project of going to a curative institution, +with the true opium inertia and procrastination, and all efforts +to lead him to definite action proved fruitless. His presence, +however, and his quiet, haughty ways, with Roger's frequent visits, +did much for a time to restrain the ill-disposed people around them, +but the inevitable contact with so much depravity and coarseness +was almost unendurable. + +Now that Mildred no longer went out to her work, she taxed her +ingenuity to the utmost to amuse Fred and Minnie, that she might +keep them from the horrible associations beyond their door, but +her father's irritability often rendered it impossible for them to +remain in the room, and, childlike, they would assimilate somewhat +with the little heathen among whom their lot was now cast. + +Poor Mrs. Jocelyn was sinking under her sorrows. She did not complain: +she blamed herself with a growing morbidness for the ruin of her +husband and the hard lot of her children, and hope deferred was +making her heart sick indeed. Her refined, gentle nature recoiled +with an indescribable repugnance from her surroundings, and one +day she received a shock from which she never fully recovered. + +Her husband was out, and Mildred had gone to deliver some work. +The children, whom she tried to keep with her, broke away at last +and left the door open. Before she could close it a drunken woman +stumbled in, and, sinking into a chair, she let a bundle slip from +her hands. It fell on the floor, unrolled, and a dead infant lay +before Mrs. Jocelyn's horrified gaze. Her cries for help brought a +stout, red-faced woman from across the hallway, and she seemed to +understand what was such a fearful mystery to Mrs. Jocelyn, for +she took the unwelcome intruder by the shoulder and tried to get +her to go out hastily, but the inebriated wretch was beyond shame, +fear, or prudence. Pulling out of her pocket a roll of bills, she +exclaimed, in hideous exultation: + +"Faix, I'oive had a big day's work. Trhree swell families on the +Avenue guv me all this to burry the brat. Burry it? Divil a bit. +It's makin' me fortin'. Cud we ony git dead babbies enough we'd +all be rich, Bridget, but here's enough to kape the pot bilin' for +wakes to come, and guv us a good sup o' whiskey into the bargain. +Here, take a drap," she said, pulling out a black bottle and holding +it up to Mrs. Jocelyn. "What yer glowrin' so ghostlike for? Ah, let +me alone, ye ould hag," she said angrily to the red-faced woman, +who seemed in great trepidation, and tried to put her hand over +the drunken creature's mouth. "Who's afeard? Money'll buy judge +and jury, an' if this woman peaches on us I'll bate her brains out +wid the dead babby." + +Finding that words were of no avail, and that she could not move +the great inert mass under which Mrs. Jocelyn's chair was creaking, +the neighbor from across the way snatched the money and retreated +to her room. This stratagem had the desired effect, for the woman +was not so intoxicated as to lose her greed, and she followed as +hastily as her unsteady steps permitted. A moment later the red-faced +woman dashed in, seized the dead child and its wrappings, and then +shaking her huge fist in Mrs. Jocelyn's face, said, "If yees ever +spakes of what yer've sane, I'll be the death of ye--by the V'argin +I will; so mum's the word, or it'll be worse for ye." + +When Mildred returned she found her mother nervously prostrated. +"I've had a bad turn," was her only explanation. Her broken spirit +was terrified by her awful neighbors, and not for the world would +she add another feather's weight to the burdens under which her +family faltered by involving them in a prosecution of the vile +impostor who had sickened her with the exposure of a horrible +trade. [Footnote: This character is not an imaginary one, and, on +ample authority, I was told of an instance where the large sum of +fifty dollars was obtained from some kindly family by this detestable +method of imposition.] + +"Mamma," cried Mildred, in sharp distress, "we must leave this +place. It's killing you." + +"I wish we could leave it, dear," sighed the poor woman. "I think +I'd be better anywhere else." + +"We shall leave it," said the girl resolutely. "Let the rent go. +I had already about decided upon it, and now I'll go with Mrs. +Wheaton to-morrow and find rooms among more respectable people." + +The events of the evening confirmed her purpose, for the young roughs +that rendezvoused nightly at the entrance of the long passageway +determined that they would no longer submit to the "uppish airs" +of the sisters, but "tache 'em" that since they lived in the same +house they were no better than their neighbors. Therefore, as +Belle boldly brushed by them as usual on her return from the shop, +one young fellow, with a wink to his comrades, followed her, and +where the passage was darkest put his arm around her waist and +pressed upon her cheek a resounding kiss. In response there came +from the entrance a roar of jeering laughter. But the young ruffian +found instantly to his sorrow that he had aroused a tigress. Belle +was strong and furious from the insult, and her plump hand came +down on the fellow's nose with a force that caused the blood to +flow copiously. After the quick impulse of anger and self-defence +passed she ran sobbing like a child to Mildred, and declared she +would not stay another day in the vile den. Mildred was white with +anger, and paced the room excitedly for a few moments. + +"Oh, God, that we had a father!" she gasped. "There, Belle, let us +be patient," she continued after a few moments; "we can't contend +with such wretches. I promise you that this shall be your last day +in this place. We ought to have left before." + +Then, as the girls grew calmer, they resolved not to tell either +their father or Roger, fearing that they might become embroiled in +a dangerous and disgraceful quarrel involving their presence in a +police court. Mildred had given her mother a sedative to quiet her +trembling nerves, and she was sleeping in one of the bedrooms, and +so happily was not aware of Belle's encounter. + +Mr. Jocelyn soon came in, and, for the first time since Mildred's +warning, was a little the worse for liquor, but he had the +self-control to keep quiet, and after a few mouthfuls of supper +went to his room overcome by the stupor he had sought. After the +children were sleeping the girls gladly welcomed Roger, for he had +become the chief source of light and hope in their saddened lives. +And he did brighten and cheer them wonderfully, for, content with +a long and prosperous day's work, and full of the hopefulness and +courage of youth, he imparted hope and fortitude to them in spite +of all that was so depressing. + +"Come, girls," he said at last, "you need some oxygen. The air is +close and stifling in this den of a house, and outside the evening +is clear and bracing. Let's have a stroll." + +"We can't go far," said Mildred, "for mamma is sleeping, and I +would not have her wake and be frightened for anything." + +"Well, we'll only go around a block or two. You'll feel the +stronger for it, and be in a better condition to move to-morrow," +for Mildred had told him of her purpose, and he had promised to +help them get settled on the following evening. When they reached +the end of the dark passage-way they feared that trouble was brewing, +for a score of dark, coarse faces lowered at them, and the fellow +that Belle had punished glared at her above his bandaged face. +Paying no heed to them, however, they took a brief, quick walk, +and returned to find the entrance blocked by an increasing number +of dangerous-looking young ruffians. + +"Stand aside," said Roger sternly. + +A big fellow knocked off his hat in response, and received instantly +a blow in the eye which would have felled him had he not been +sustained by the crowd, who now closed on the young man. + +"Run up the street and call for police," he said to the girls, but +they were snatched back and held by some of the gang, and hands +placed over their mouths, yet not before they had uttered two +piercing cries. + +Roger, after a brief, desperate struggle, got his back to the +wall and struck blows that were like those of a sledge-hammer. He +was dealing, however, with some fairly trained pugilists, and was +suffering severely, when a policeman rushed in, clubbing right +and left. The gang dispersed instantly, but two were captured. The +girls, half fainting from excitement and terror, were conducted +to their room by Roger, and then they applied palliatives to the +wounds of their knight, with a solicitude and affection which made +the bruises welcome indeed to the young fellow. They were in terror +at the idea of his departure, for the building was like a seething +caldron. He reassured them by promising to remain until all was +quiet, and the police also informed them that the house would be +under surveillance until morning. + +On the following day, with Mrs. Wheaton's aid, they found rooms +elsewhere, and Roger, after appearing as witness against the rowdies +that had been captured, and informing his employers of what had +occurred, gave the remaining hours to the efficient aid of his +friends. + + + + +CHAPTER XLI + +GLINTS OF SUNSHINE + + +Their new rooms at first promised remarkably well. They were on the +ground-floor of a large tenement that fronted on a rather narrow +street, and their neighbors seemed quiet, well-disposed people. Mr. +Wentworth soon called and congratulated them on the change. Mrs. +Wheaton frequently came to give Mrs. Jocelyn a "'elping 'and," as +she phrased it, but her eliminations did not extend to her work, +which was rounded out with the completeness of hearty goodwill. +Roger rarely missed an evening without giving an hour or two to +the girls, often taking them out to walk, with now and then a cheap +excursion on the river or a ramble in Central Park. In the latter +resort they usually spent part of Sunday afternoon, going thither +directly from the chapel. Mildred's morbidness was passing away. She +had again taken her old class, and her face was gaining a serenity +which had long been absent. + +One of the great wishes of her heart now had good prospect of +being fulfilled, for her father had at last consented to go to an +institution wherein he could receive scientific treatment suited +to his case. The outlook was growing so hopeful that even Mrs. +Jocelyn was rallying into something like hopefulness and courage, +and her health was slowly improving. She was one whose life was +chiefly sustained by her heart and the well-being of those she +loved. + +Belle also was improving greatly. The memorable interview with +Roger, already described, had a lasting influence, and did much +to banish the giddiness of unthinking, ignorant girlhood, and the +recklessness arising from an unhappy life. Now that the world was +brightening again, she brightened with it. Among his new associates +Roger found two or three fine, manly fellows, who were grateful +indeed for an introduction to the handsome, lively girl, and +scarcely a week passed during May and June that some inexpensive +evening excursion was not enjoyed, and thoroughly enjoyed too, even +by Mildred. Roger was ever at his best when in her society. His +talk was bright and often witty, and his spirit of fun as genuine +and contagious as that of Belle herself. He was now sincerely +happy in the consciousness of Mildred's perfect trust and strong +affection, believing that gradually, and even before the girl was +aware of it, she would learn to give more than friendship. It was +his plan to make himself essential to her life, indeed a part of +it, and he was apparently succeeding. Mildred had put her fate into +his hands. She felt that she owed so much to him that she was ready +to keep her promise literally. At any time for months he might have +bound her to him by promises that would never have been broken; he +knew it, and she was aware of his knowledge, but when, instead of +taking advantage of her gratitude, he avoided all sentiment, and +treated her with a cordial frankness as if she were in truth simply +the friend he had asked her to become, all of her old constraint +in his presence was unthought of, and she welcomed the glances of +his dark, intent eyes, which interpreted her thoughts even before +they were spoken. The varying expressions of his face made it +plain enough to her that he liked and appreciated her thoughts, and +that his admiration and affection were only strengthened by their +continued companionship. Moreover, she was well content with what +she regarded as her own progress toward a warmer regard for him. + +One moonlight night in June they made up a little party for +an excursion on a steamer plying down the Bay. Belle had had two +attendants, and would have been just as well pleased had there been +two or three more. As she once asserted, she could have kept them +"all jolly." During the earlier hours Roger had been as merry and +full of nonsense as Belle, but on their return he and Mildred had +taken seats a little apart from the others and drifted into some +talk relating to one of his studies, he in a simple, lucid manner +explaining to her the latest theories on a disputed question. She +surprised and pleased him by saying, with a little pathetic accent +in her voice, + +"Oh, Roger, you are leaving me far, far behind." + +"What do you mean, Millie?" + +"Why, you are climbing the peaks of knowledge at a great pace, and +what's to become of poor little me, that have no chance to climb +at all worth naming? You won't want a friend who doesn't know +anything, and can't understand what you are thinking about." + +"I'll wait for you, Millie; rest assured you shall never be left +alone." + +"No, that won't do at all," she replied, and she was in earnest +now. "There is one thing wherein you will find me as obstinate +as an Atwood, and that is never to let our friendship retard your +progress or render your success doubtful, now that you have struck +out for yourself. Your relatives think that I--that we shall be a +drag upon you; I have resolved that we shall not be, and you know +that I have a little will of my own as well as yourself. You must +not wait for me in any sense of the word, for you know how very +proud I am, and all my pride is staked on your success. It ought +to have been dead long ago, but it seems just as strong as ever." + +"And I'm proud of your pride. You are a soldier, Millie, and it +isn't possible for you to say, 'I surrender.'" + +"You are mistaken. When you saved me from prison; when you gave +nearly all you had that papa might have the chance which I trust +will restore his manhood, I surrendered, and no one knew it better +than you did." + +"Pardon me, Millie; the gates of the citadel were closed, and +ever have been. Even your will cannot open them no, not even your +extravagant sense of gratitude for what it would be my happiness to +do in any case. That something which was once prejudice, dislike, +repulsion, has retreated into the depths of your heart, and it +won't yield--at least it hasn't yet. But, Millie, I shall be very +patient. Just as truly as if you were the daughter of a millionaire, +your heart shall guide your action." + +"You are a royal fellow, Roger," she faltered. "If you were not +so genuinely honest, I should think you wonderfully shrewd in your +policy." + +"Well, perhaps the honest course is always the shrewdest in the +long run," he replied laughingly, and with a deep gladness in his +tone, for her words gave a little encouragement. "But your charge +that I am leaving you behind as I pursue my studies has a grain of +truth in it as far as mere book learning goes. In your goodness, +Millie, and all that is most admirable, I shall always follow afar +off. Since I can't wait for you, as you say, and you have so little +time to read and study yourself, I am going to recite my lessons +to you--that is, some of them, those that would interest you--and +by telling you about what I have learned I shall fix it all in my +mind more thoroughly." + +Mildred was exceedingly pleased with the idea. "I don't see why +this isn't possible to some extent," she said gladly, "and I can't +tell you how much hope and comfort it gives me. That I've had so +little time to read and cultivate my mind has been one of the great +privations of our poverty, but if you will patiently try to make +me understand a little of what you are studying, I won't relapse +into barbarism. Oh, Roger, how good you are to me!" + +"That is like saying, How good I am to myself! Let me tell you, +Millie, in all sincerity, that this plan promises as much for +me as for you. Your mind is so quick, and you look at things so +differently, that I often get new and better ideas of the subject +after talking it over with you. The country boy that you woke up +last summer was right in believing that you could be an invaluable +friend, for I can't tell you how much richer life has become to +me." + +"Roger, how I misunderstood you! How blind and stupid I was! God +was raising up for me the best friend a girl ever had, and I acted +so shamefully that anybody but you would have been driven away." + +"You do yourself injustice, and I wouldn't let any one else judge +you so harshly." + +After reaching her room that night, Mildred thought, "I do believe +mamma was right, and that an old-fashioned Southern girl, such as +she says that I am, can learn to love a second time. Roger is so +genuinely good and strong! It rests me to be with him, and he gives +some of his own strength and courage. To-night, for the first time +since he told me everything so gently and honestly, has anything +been said of that which I can see is in his mind all the time, and +I brought on all that was said myself. I can now read his thoughts +better than he can read mine, and it would be mean not to give him +a little of the hope and encouragement that he so richly deserves. +It troubles me, however, that my mind and heart are so tranquil +when I'm with him. That's not the way I once felt," she sighed. +"He seems like the dearest brother a girl ever had--no, not that +exactly; he is to me the friend he calls himself, and I'd be content +to have things go on this way as long as we lived." + +"Millie," cried Belle roguishly, "what did Roger say to you to call +out such sweet smiles and tender sighs?" + +The young girl started, and flushed slightly. "We were talking +about astronomy," she said brusquely. + +"Well, I should think so, for the effects in your appearance are +heavenly. If he could have seen you as you have appeared for the +last ten minutes, he would be more desperately in love than ever. +Oh, Millie, you are so pretty that I am half in love with you +myself." + +"Nonsense! you are a giddy child. Tell me about your own favorites, +and which of them you like best." + +"I like them all best. Do you think I'm going to be such a little +goose as to tie myself down to one? These are but the advance guard +of scores. Still I shall always like these ones best because they +are kind to me now while I'm only a 'shop-lady,'" + +"You mustn't flirt, Belle." + +"I'm not flirting--only having a good time, and they know it. I'm +not a bit sentimental--only jolly, you know. When the right time +comes, and I've had my fun, I'm going to take my pick of the best." + +"Well, that's sensible. Belle, darling, are not Roger's friends +better than those underhanded fellows who could not look mamma in +the eyes?" + +"Oh, Millie," said the impulsive girl with a rush of tears, "don't +speak of those horrid days. I was an ignorant, reckless fool--I was +almost beside myself with despair and unhappiness; I could kiss +Roger's hands from gratitude. Look here, Millie, if you don't marry +him I will, for there's no one that can compare with him." + +"Come, now, don't make me jealous." + +"I wish I could. I've a great mind to flirt with him a little, just +to wake up your old stupid heart. Still I think you are coming on +very well. Oh, Millie, how I could dance at your wedding! Solid as +I am, my feet would scarcely touch the floor." + +Mildred laughed, and said softly, "It would be a pity to deny you +so much pleasure, Belle." Then she added resolutely, "No more talk +about weddings, if you please. For long, long years Roger must +give his whole mind to his studies. His relatives say that we shall +hang helplessly upon him and spoil his life, but we'll prove them +mistaken, Belle. I'd work my fingers off to give him the chance +that he'll make so much of, for I'm as proud of him as you are." + +"That's the way to talk," exulted Belle. "I see how it's all coming +out. He'll stand up head, as I told you, and I told you, too, +that he'd win you in spite of yourself. Roger Atwood does all he +undertakes--it's his way." + +"Well, we'll see," was the half-smiling, half-sighing answer; but +sanguine Belle had no doubt concerning the future, and soon her +long eyelashes drooped over her glowing cheeks in untroubled sleep. + +"Oh, how good for us all is the sunlight of a little happiness +and hope!" Mildred thought. "Darling mamma is reviving, Belle +is blossoming like a blush rose, and I--well, thank God for Roger +Atwood's friendship. May I soon be able to thank Him for his love." + +Ah, Mildred Jocelyn, you have still much to learn. A second love +can grow up in the heart, but not readily in one like yours. + +Within a month from the time that Mr. Jocelyn entered a curative +institution, he returned to his family greatly changed for the better. +His manner toward his family was full of remorseful tenderness, +and he was eager to retrieve his fortunes. They welcomed him with +such a wealth of affection, they cheered and sustained him in so +many delicate and sympathetic ways, that he wondered at the evil +spell which had bound him so long and made him an alien among those +so lovable and so dearly beloved. He now felt sure that he would +devote body and soul to their welfare for the rest of his days, +and he could not understand why or how it was that he had been so +besotted. The intense sufferings during the earlier stage of his +treatment at the institution made him shrink with horror from the +bare thought of his old enslavement, and during the first weeks +after his return he did not dream it was possible that he could +relapse, although he had been warned of his danger. His former +morbid craving was often fearfully strong, but he fought it with +a vindictive hatred, and his family, in their deep gladness and +inexperience, felt assured that husband and father had been restored +to them. + +It seemed as if he could not thank Roger enough, and his eyes grew +eloquent with gratitude when the young fellow's name was mentioned, +and when they rested on his bright, honest face. Mr. Wentworth +went out among his business friends, and so interested one of them +that a position was in a certain sense made for the poor man, and +although the salary was small at first, the prospect for its increase +was good if he would maintain his abstinence and prove that he had +not lost his old fine business powers. This he bade so fair to do +that hope and confidence grew stronger every day, and they felt that +before very long they would be able to move into more commodious +quarters, situated in a better part of the city, for by reason of the +neglect of the streets and sewerage on the part of the authorities, +the locality in which they now were was found to be both very +disagreeable and unwholesome. They would have removed at once, +but they were eager to repay Roger the money he had loaned them, +although he protested against their course. Not realizing their +danger, and in the impulse of their pride and integrity, they +remained, practicing the closest economy. + +Early in July, Roger obtained a vacation, and went home on a visit, +proposing to harden his muscles by aiding his father through the +harvest season. He was so helpful and so kind and considerate that +even grim, disappointed Mr. Atwood was compelled to admit that +his boy had become a man. Mrs. Atwood tenderly and openly exulted +over him, and, obeying her impulse, she wrote a friendly letter to +Mildred, which made the young girl very happy. + +Susan became more than reconciled to Roger's course, for he promised +that some day she should often come to the city and have splendid +times. Clara Bute bad become the happy wife of a well-to-do farmer, +and she sent an urgent request to Belle and Mildred to visit her. +The latter would not leave her parents, but Belle accepted gladly, +and the gay, frolicsome girl left more than one mild heartache +among the rural beaux that vied with each other in their attentions. + + + + +CHAPTER XLII + +HOPES GIVEN AND SLAIN + + +The skies seemed serene and bright, with promise to all for many +happy days, but clouds were gathering below the horizon, and, most +unexpectedly to him, the first bolt fell upon Roger. A day or two +before his return to the city he found at the village office a +letter with a foreign post-mark, addressed, in his care, to Miss +Mildred Jocelyn. He knew the handwriting instantly, and he looked +at the missive as if it contained his death-warrant. It was +from Vinton Arnold. As he rode away he was desperately tempted to +destroy the letter, and never breathe a word of its existence. He +hoped and half believed that Mildred was learning to love him, and +he was sure that if Arnold did not appear he would win all that +he craved. The letter, which he had touched as if it contained +nitro-glycerine, might slay every hope. Indeed he believed that it +would, for he understood Mildred better than she understood herself. +She believed that Arnold had given her up. Her heart had become +benumbed with its own pain, and was sleeping after its long, weary +waiting. He was sure, however, that if not interfered with he could +awaken it at last to content and happiness. This letter, however, +might be the torch which would kindle the old love with tenfold +intensity. Long hours he fought his temptation like a gladiator, +for fine as had been Mildred's influence over him, he was still +intensely human. At last he gained the victory, and went home quiet, +but more exhausted than he had ever been from a long hot day's toil +in the harvest-field. He had resolved to keep absolute faith with +Mildred, and having once reached a decision he was not one to waver. + +As his mother kissed him good-by she held him off a moment, then +whispered, "Roger, Miss Jocelyn has given you something better than +all your uncle's money. I am content that it should be as it is." + +On the afternoon of the day of his arrival in the city he went to +meet his fate. Mrs. Jocelyn greeted him like the mother he had just +left, and Mildred's glad welcome made him groan inwardly. Never +before had she appeared so beautiful to him--never had her greeting +been so tinged with her deepening regard. And yet she looked +inquiringly at him from time to time, for he could not wholly +disguise the fear that chilled his heart. + +"Belle had a perfectly lovely time in the country," said Mrs. +Jocelyn. "She has told us all about your people, and what a farmer +you became. She said everybody was proud of you up at Forestville, +and well they might be, although they don't know what we do. Oh, +Roger, my dear boy, it does my heart good to see you again. We +have all missed you so much. Oh, you'll never know--you never can +know. Good-by now, for a little while. I promised Mrs. Wheaton that +I'd bring the children over and spend the afternoon with her. She +is going to show me about cutting some little clothes for Fred. +What a dear kind soul she is, with all her queer talk. God bless +you, my boy. You bring hope and happiness back with you." + +But the poor fellow was so conscious of his own coming trouble +that tears came into his eyes, and after Mrs. Jocelyn had gone he +looked at Mildred in a way that made her ask, gently and anxiously: + +"What is it, Roger?" + +Alter a moment's hesitation he said grimly, "Millie, it's rough on +a fellow when he must be his own executioner. There, take it. It's +the heaviest load I ever carried in my life," and he threw the +letter into her lap. + +After a moment's glance she trembled violently, and became pale +and red by turns, then buried her face in her hands. + +"I knew it would be so," he said doggedly. "I knew what was the +matter all along." + +She sprang up, letting the letter drop on the floor, and clung to +him. "Roger," she cried, "I won't read the letter. I won't touch +it. No one shall come between us--no one has the right. Oh, it +would be shameful after all--" + +"Millie," he said almost sternly, replacing her in her chair, "the +writer of that letter has the right to come between us--he is between +us, and there is no use in disguising the truth. Come, Millie, I +came here to play the man, and you must not make it too hard for +me. Read your letter." + +"I can't," she said, again burying her burning face in her hands, +and giving way to a sudden passion of tears. + +"No, not while I'm here, of course. And yet I'd like to know my +fate, for the suspense is a little too much. I hope he's written +to tell you that he has married the daughter of the Great Mogul, +or some other rich nonentity," he added, trying to meet his +disappointment with a faint attempt at humor; "but I'm a fool to +hope anything. Good-by, and read your letter in peace. I ought to +have left it and gone away at once, but, confound it! I couldn't. +A drowning man will blindly catch at a straw." + +She looked at him, and saw that his face was white with pain and +fear. + +"Roger," she said resolutely, "I'll burn that letter without opening +it if you say so. I'll do anything you ask." + +He paced the room excitedly with clenched hands for a few moments, +but at last turned toward her and said quietly, "Will you do what +I ask?" + +"Yes, yes indeed." + +"Then read your letter." + +She looked at him irresolutely a moment, then made a little gesture +of protest and snatched up the missive almost vindictively. + +After reading a few lines her face softened, and she said, in accents +of regret which she was too much off her guard to disguise, "Oh, +he never received my answer last summer." + +"Of course not," growled Roger. "You deserved that, for you gave +your note to that old blunderbuss Jotham, when I would have carried +it safely." + +"Oh, Roger, I can't go on with this; I am wronging you too shamefully." + +"You would wrong me far more if you were not honest with me at this +time," he said almost harshly. + +His words quieted and chilled her a little, and she replied sadly, +"You are right, Roger. You don't want, nor should I mock you with +the mere semblance of what you give." + +"Read the letter," was his impatient reply, "or I shall go at once." + +She now turned to it resolutely, proposing to read it with an +impassive face, but, in spite of herself, he saw that every word +was like an electric touch upon her heart. As she finished, the +letter dropped from her hands, and she began crying so bitterly +that he was disarmed, and forgot himself in her behalf. "Don't cry +so, Millie," he pleaded. "I can't stand it. Come, now; I fought this +battle out once before, and didn't think I could be so accursedly +weak again." + +"Roger, read that letter." + +"No," he answered savagely; "I hate him--I could annihilate him; +but he shall never charge me with anything underhanded. That letter +was meant for your eyes only. Since it must be, God grant he proves +worthy; but his words would sting me like adders." + +She sprang to him, and, burying her face upon his shoulder, sobbed, +"Oh, Roger, I can't endure this. It's worse than anything I've +suffered yet." + +"Oh, what a brute I am!" he groaned. "His letter ought to have +brought you happiness, but your kind heart is breaking over my +trouble, for I've acted like a passionate boy. Millie, dear Millie, +I will be a brave, true man, and, as I promised you, your heart +shall decide all. From this time forth I am your brother, your +protector, and I shall protect you against yourself as truly as +against others. You are not to blame in the least. How could I blame +you for a love that took possession of your heart before you knew +of my existence, and why has not Millie Jocelyn. as good a right +to follow her heart as any other girl in the land? And you shall +follow it. It would be dastardly meanness in me to take advantage +of your gratitude. Come now, wipe your eyes, and give a sister's +kiss before I go. It's all right." + +She yielded passively, for she was weak, nerveless, and exhausted. +He picked up the open letter, replaced it within the envelope, and +put it in her hand. "It's yours," he said, "by the divine right of +your love. When I come this evening, don't let me see a trace of +grief. I won't mope and be lackadaisical, I promise," and smilingly +he kissed her good-by. + +She sat for an hour almost without moving, and then mechanically +put the letter away and went on with her work. She felt herself +unequal to any more emotion at that time, and after thinking the +affair all over, determined to keep it to herself, for the present +at least. She knew well how bitterly her father, mother, and Belle +would resent the letter, and how greatly it would disquiet them if +they knew that her old love was not dead, and seemingly could not +and would not die. With the whole force of her resolute will she +sought to gain an outward quietude, and succeeded so well that the +family did not suspect anything. She both longed for and dreaded +Roger's appearance, and when he came she looked at him so kindly, +so remorsefully, that she tasked his strength to the utmost; but +he held his own manfully, and she was compelled to admit that he +had never appeared so gay or so brilliant before. For an hour he and +Belle kept them all laughing over their bright nonsense, and then +suddenly he said, "Vacation's over; I must begin work to-morrow," +and in a moment he was gone. + +"Millie," cried Belle, "you ought to thank your stars, for you +have the finest fellow in the city," and they all smiled at her so +brightly that she fled to her room. There Belle found her a little +later with red eyes, and she remarked bluntly, "Well, you ARE +a queer girl. I suppose you are crying for joy, but that isn't my +way." + +After her sister was asleep Mildred read and re-read Arnold's +letter. At first she sighed and cried over it, and then lapsed into +a long, deep reverie. "Hard as it is for Roger," she thought, "he +is right--I am not to blame. I learned to love Vinton Arnold, and +permitted him to love me, before I had ever seen Roger. I should +have a heart of stone could I resist his appeal in this letter. +Here he says: 'You did not answer my note last summer--I fear you +have cast me off. I cannot blame you. After insults from my mother +and my own pitiful exhibitions of weakness, my reason tells me that +you have banished all thoughts of me in anger and disgust. But, +Millie, my heart will not listen to reason, and cries out for you +night and day. My life has become an intolerable burden to me, and +never in all the past has there been a more unhappy exile than I. +The days pass like years, and the nights are worse. I am dragged +here and there for the benefit of my health--what a miserable farce +it is! For half the money I am spending here I could live happily +with you, and, sustained by your love and sympathy, I might do +something befitting my man's estate. One day, when I said as much +to my mother, her face grew cold and stern, and she replied that +my views of life were as absurd as those of a child! I often wish +I were dead, and were it not for the thought of you I half fear +that I might be tempted to end my wretched existence. Of course +my health suffers from this constant unhappiness, repression, and +humiliation. The rumor has reached me that your father has become +very poor, and that he is in ill health. The little blood I have +left crimsons my face with shame that I am not at your side to help +and cheer you. But I fear I should be a burden to you, as I am to +every one else. My fainting turns--one of which you saw-are becoming +more frequent. I've no hope nor courage to try to get well--I am +just sinking under the burden of my unhappy, unmanly lite, and my +best hope may soon be to become unconscious and remain so forever. +And yet I fully believe that one kind word from you would inspire me +with the wish, the power to live. My mother is blind to everything +except her worldly maxims of life. She means to do her duty by +me, and is conscientious in her way, but she is killing me by slow +torture. If you would give me a little hope, if you would wait--oh, +pardon the selfishness of my request, the pitiable weakness displayed +in this appeal! Yet, how can I help it? Who can sink into absolute +despair without some faint struggle--some effort to escape? I have +had the happiness of heaven in your presence, and now I am as +miserable as a lost soul. You have only to say that there is no +hope, and I will soon cease to trouble you or any one much longer.' + +"How can I tell him there is no hope?" she murmured. "It would +be murder--it would be killing soul and body. What's more, I love +him--God knows I love him. My heart just yearns for him in boundless +pity and sympathy, and I feel almost as if he were my crippled, +helpless child as well as lover. It would be cruel, selfish, and +unwomanly to desert him because of his misfortune. I haven't the +heart to do it. His weakness and suffering bind me to him. His +appeal to me is like the cry of the helpless to God, and how can +I destroy his one hope, his one chance? He needs me more than does +Roger, who is strong, masterful, and has a grand career before +him. In his varied activities, in the realization of his ambitious +hopes, he will overcome his present feelings, and become my +brother in very truth. He will marry some rich, splendid girl like +Miss Wetheridge by and by, and I shall be content in lowly, quiet +ministry to one whose life and all God has put into my hands. His +parents treat Vinton as if he were a child; but he has reached the +age when he has the right to choose for himself, and, if the worst +comes to the worst, I could support him. myself. Feeling as I do +now, and as I ever shall, now that my heart has been revealed to +me, I could not marry Roger. It would be wronging him and perjuring +myself. He is too grand, too strong a man not to see the facts in +their true light, and he will still remain the best friend a woman +ever had." + +Then, with a furtive look at Belle to see that she was sleeping +soundly, she wrote: "DEAR VINTON: My heart would indeed be callous +and unwomanly did it not respond to your letter, over which I have +shed many tears. Take all the hope you can from the truth that I +love you, and can never cease to love you. You do yourself injustice. +Your weakness and ill health are misfortunes for which you are not +responsible. So far from inspiring disgust, they awaken my sympathy +and deepen my affection. You do not know a woman's heart--at least +you do not know mine. In your constant love, your contempt for +heartless, fashionable life, and your wish to do a man's part in +the world, you are manly. You are right also in believing that if +you lived in an atmosphere of respect and affection you would so +change for the better that you would not recognize yourself. For my +sake as well as your own, try to rally, and make the most of your +sojourn abroad. Fix your mind steadily on some pursuits or studies +that will be of use to you in the future. Do not fear; I shall +wait. It is not in my nature to forget or change." And with some +reference to their misfortunes, a repetition of her note which Jotham +had lost, and further reassuring words, she closed her letter. + +"I am right," she said; "even Roger will say I am doing right. I +could not do otherwise." + +Having made a copy of the letter that she might show it to Roger, +she at last slept, in the small hours of the night. As early as +possible on the following day she mailed the letter, with a prayer +that it might not be too late. + +A day or two later she sought a private interview with her friend, +and whispered, "Roger, dear Roger, if you do not fail me now you +will prove yourself the best and bravest man in the world. I am +going to repose a trust in you that I cannot share at present with +any one else--not even my mother. It would only make her unhappy +now that she is reviving in our brighter days. It might have a bad +influence on papa, and it is our duty to shield him in every way." + +She told him everything, made him read the copy of her letter to +Arnold. "You are strong, Roger," she said in conclusion, "and it +would kill him, and--and I love him. You know now how it has all +come about, and it does not seem in my nature to change. I have +given you all I can--my absolute trust and confidence. I've shown +you my whole heart. Roger, you won't fail me. I love you so dearly, +I feel so deeply for you, I am so very grateful, that I believe it +would kill me if this should harm you." + +He did not fail her, but even she never guessed the effort he made. + +"It's all right, Millie," he said with a deep breath, "and I'll be +a jolly bachelor for you all my life." + +"You must not say that," she protested. "One of these days I'll +pick you out a far better wife than I could ever be." + +"No," he replied decisively, "that's the one thing I won't do for +you, if you picked out twenty score." + +He tried to be brave--he was brave; but for weeks thereafter traces +of suffering on his face cut her to the heart, and she suffered +with him as only a nature like hers was capable of doing. Events +were near which would tax his friendship to the utmost. + +August was passing with its intense heat. The streets of the +locality wherein the Jocelyns lived were shamefully neglected, and +the sewerage was bad. Mr. Jocelyn was one of the first to suffer, +and one day he was so ill from malarial neuralgia that he faltered +in the duties of his business. + +"I can't afford to be ill," he said to himself. "A slight dose of +morphia will carry me through the day; surely I've strength of mind +sufficient to take it once or twice as a medicine, and then plenty +of quinine will ward off a fever, and I can go on with my work +without any break or loss; meanwhile I'll look for rooms in a +healthier locality." + +His conscience smote him, warned him, and yet it did not seem +possible that he could not take a little as a remedy, as did other +people. With the fatuity of a self-indulgent nature he remembered +its immediate relief from pain, and forgot the anguish it had +caused. He no more proposed to renew the habit than to destroy his +life--he only proposed to tide himself over an emergency. + +The drug was taken, and to his horror he found that it was the same +as if he had kindled a conflagration among combustibles ready for +the match. His old craving asserted itself with all its former +force. His will was like a straw in the grasp of a giant. He writhed, +and anathematized himself, but soon, with the inevitableness of +gravitation, went to another drug store and was again enchained. +[Footnote: It is a sad fact that more than half of those addicted +to the opium habit relapse. The causes are varied, but the one +given is the most common: it is taken to bridge over some emergency +or to give relief from physical pain or mental distress. The +infatuated victim says, "I will take it just this once," and then +he goes on taking it until it destroys him. I have talked with +several who have given way for the second and third time, and with +one physician who has relapsed five times. They each had a somewhat +different story to tell, but the dire results were in all cases the +same. After one indulgence, the old fierce craving, the old fatal +habit, was again fixed, with more than its former intensity and +binding power.] + +For a few days Mr. Jocelyn tried to conceal his condition from +his family, but their eyes were open now, and they watched him at +first with alarm, then with terror. They pleaded with him; his wife +went down on her knees before him; but, with curses on himself, +he broke away and rushed forth, driven out into the wilderness of +a homeless life like a man possessed with a demon. In his intolerable +shame and remorse he wrote that he would not return until he had +regained his manhood. Alas! that day would never come. + + + + +CHAPTER XLIII + +WAS BELLE MURDERED? + + +Mrs. Wheaton, Mr. Wentworth, and Roger did what they could for +the afflicted family, and Roger spent the greater part of several +nights in a vain search for the absent man, but he had hidden +himself too securely, and was drowning reason, conscience, his +entire manhood, in one long debauch. The young man grew more haggard +than ever in his deep sympathy for his friends, for they clung to +him with the feeling that he only could help them effectually. He +begged them to move elsewhere, since the odors of the place were +often sickening, but they all said No, for the husband and father +might return, and this now was their one hope concerning him. + +In the second fall of her husband Mrs. Jocelyn seemed to have +received her death-wound, for she failed visibly every day. + +One night Belle was taken with a severe chill, and then fever and +delirium followed. When Roger came the ensuing evening, Mildred +sobbed on his shoulder. + +"Oh, Roger, my heart is paralyzed with dread. The skies you were +making so bright for us have become black with ruin. You are the +only one who brings me any hope or comfort. Come with me. Look +at Belle there. She doesn't know any of us. For the last hour her +mind has wandered. Half the time she is thanking you for all that +you have done for us; then she calls for papa, or is away in the +country. The doctor has been here, and he looked very grave. He +says it's all due to the bad sanitary condition of this part of the +city, and that there are other cases just like it, and that they +are hard to manage. Why didn't we move before? Oh, oh, oh!" and +she cried as if her heart would break. + +"Don't grieve so, Millie," Roger faltered. "I never could stand +it to see tears in your eyes. Belle is young and vigorous; she'll +pull through." + +"I hope so. Oh, what should we do if she should--But the doctor +says the fever takes a stronger hold on persons of full habit like +Belle, and now that I've made inquiries I find that it has been +fatal in several instances. We have been so troubled about papa +that we thought of nothing else, and did not realize our danger. +There are two cases like Belle's across the way, and one in this +house, and none of them are expected to live." + +"Millie," said Roger resolutely, "I won't even entertain the +thought of Belle's dying. I'm going to stay with you every night +until she is out of danger. I can doze here in this chair, and +I should be sleepless with anxiety anywhere else. You must let me +become a brother now in very truth." + +"No, Roger, we can't permit it. You might catch the fever." + +"Millie, I will stay. Do you think I could leave you to meet this +trouble alone? I can relieve you in many ways, and give you and +your mother a chance for a little rest. Besides, what is the fever +to me?" he added, with a touch of recklessness which she understood +too well. + +"Roger," she said gravely, "think what your life and health are to +me. If you should fail me I should despair." + +"I won't fail you," he replied, with a little confident nod. "You +will always find me on hand like a good-natured dragon whenever +you are in trouble. The first thing to do is to send these children +to the country, and out of this poisoned air," and he sat down at +once and wrote to his mother and Clara Wilson, formerly Clara Bute. +Then, true to his word, he watched with Mildred and Mrs. Jocelyn +every night. Frequently his hand upon the brow of the delirious +girl would quiet her when nothing else could, and Mildred often +saw his tears falling fast on the unconscious face. + +Mrs. Wilson answered his letter in person. "I couldn't wait +a minute," she said. "I went right over to Mrs. Atwood's and told +her that no one could have the children but me, and my husband +says they can stay until you want them back. He is so good to me! +Dear little Belle!" she sobbed, bending over the sufferer, "to +think that I once so misjudged you! A better-hearted girl never +breathed. As soon as she's able to be moved you must bring her +right to me, and I'll take care of her till she's her old rosy, +beautiful self. No, I'll come for her. I wish I could take her in +my arms and carry her home now." + +"She often speaks of you," faltered Mildred. "Indeed she seems to +be living all her old life over again." + +The doctor looked graver every day, and at last held out no hope. +Late one night they saw that the crisis was near. Belle was almost +inanimate from weakness, and Mrs. Jocelyn, Mildred, and Roger sat +beside her in the large living-room, into which they had moved her +bed, so that if possible she might get a little air--air that was +laden with vile, stifling odors. At last the feeble tossings of +the poor sufferer ceased, and she looked around intelligently. Her +mother kissed her, and said soothingly, "Sleep, dear, and you'll +soon be better." + +She shook her head, and continued to look as if in search of some +one, and then whispered, + +"Where is papa?" + +"You are not strong enough to see him now," her mother replied +with pallid lips, while Mildred put her hand to her side from the +intolerable pain in her heart. + +Belle lay still a few moments, and they breathed low in their +suspense. Her mother kept her soothing touch upon her brow, while +Mildred held her hand. At last two great tears rolled down the poor +girl's face, and she said faintly, "I remember now." + +"Oh, Belle, darling, sleep," murmured her mother, "and you will soon +get well." Again she slowly shook her head. "Dear little mother," +she whispered, "forgive naughty Belle for all her wild ways. You +were always patient with me. Pray God to forgive me, for I'm going +fast. If He's like you--I won't fear Him." + +Mrs. Jocelyn would have fallen on her child if Roger had not caught +her and placed her gently on the lounge, where she lay with dry, +tearless eyes and all the yearnings of the mother-heart in her wan +face. Belle's eyes followed her wistfully, then turned to Mildred. + +"Good-by, Millie darling, best of sisters. You will have a long--happy +life--in spite of all." Mildred clung to her passionately, but at +Belle's faint call for Roger she knelt at the bedside and looked +with streaming eyes on the near approach of death. + +"Roger," Belle whispered, "lift me up. I want to die on your +breast--you saved me--you KNOW. Take care Millie--mamma--little +ones. Don't wake them. Now--tell me--some--thing--comforting out +of--the Bible." + +"'God is not willing that one of His little ones should perish,'" +said the young fellow brokenly, thankful that he could recall the +words. + +"That's sweet--I'm--one of His--littlest ones. It's--getting--very + +I know--what it-means. Good--by. We'll--have--good--times--together--yet." + +Then came that absolute stillness which he understood too well. +He bowed his head upon the cold brow of the dead girl, and wept as +only strong men weep in their first great sorrow. Mildred almost +forgot her own grief in trying to lead him away and to comfort +him, but he clung convulsively to Belle's lifeless form. At last +he broke almost frantically away. + +"Roger, Roger," cried Mildred, "where are you going? What are you +going to do?" + +"I don't know--I must have air or my heart will break; I'll go mad. +She's just been murdered, MURDERED," and he rushed out. + +After a little while he returned, and said, "There, Millie, I'm +better. I won't give way again," and he took her in his arms and +let her cry away some of the pain in her heart. + +Mrs. Jocelyn still lay upon the sofa, white as marble, and with +dry, dilated eyes. She was far beyond tears. + +On the day following Belle's death the Hon.------sat down to +a sumptuous dinner in one of the most fashionable of the Saratoga +hotels. A costly bottle of wine added its ruddy hue to his florid +complexion. The waiters were obsequious, the smiling nods of recognition +from other distinguished guests of the house were flattering, and +as the different courses were brought on, the man became the picture +of corpulent complacence. His aspect might have changed could he +have looked upon the still form of the once frolicsome, beautiful +girl, who had been slain because he had failed so criminally in +fidelity to his oath of office. It would not have been a pleasant +task for him to estimate how much of the money that should have +brought cleanliness and health among the tenements of the poor was +being worse than wasted on his own gross personality. + + + + +CHAPTER XLIV + +THE FINAL CONSOLATIONS OF OPIUM + + +The glowing September sun had rarely revealed a sadder group than +that which still watched beside poor Belle. At last Roger looked +at his watch and said: + +"I will now go and see Mr. Wentworth, and bring Mrs. Wheaton." + +"Very well, Roger," Mildred replied, "we leave everything in your +hands." + +"Millie, I can't bear to have Belle placed in one of the crowded +city cemeteries. Would you not be willing to have her sleep in our +tree-shadowed graveyard at Forestville? We could keep flowers on +her grave there as long as we lived." + +"Oh, Roger, how kind of you to think of that! It would be such a +comfort to us!" + +"I will take her there myself on the evening boat," he said +decisively, and he hastened away feeling that he must act promptly, +for his aching head and limbs led him to fear that Belle's fever +was already in his veins. Mr. Wentworth overflowed with sympathy, +and hastened to the afflicted family with nourishing delicacies. +Mrs. Wheaton soon followed, tearful and regretful. + +"I didn't know," she said; "I've 'ad a sick child or I'd a been +hover before. Not 'earing from you I thought hall vas veil, and +there's the poor dear dead, an' I might 'ave done so much for 'er." + +"No, Mrs. Wheaton, all was done that could be done in this poisoned +air. We feared you might catch the fever if you came, and we knew +you would come." + +"Hindeed I vould, if you hall 'ad the small-pox. Now I'm going to +do heverything," and she fretted at every effort of the exhausted +watchers to help her. + +Eoger telegraphed his father to meet him at the boat with the +village hearse. The news spread fast, and the little community was +soon deeply stirred with sympathetic interest. Mrs. Jocelyn was +too weak to endure the journey, and Mildred would not leave her. +Therefore Mr. Wentworth held a simple, heartfelt service over the +one they all so loved, and Roger departed on his sad errand. He +was eager to get away, and, if the thought of Belle had not been +uppermost in all minds, it would have been seen that he was far from +well in spite of his almost desperate efforts to hide his illness. +His father found him on the boat delirious with fever. The old man's +face was haggard and drawn as he returned to Forestville with his +two helpless burdens, grieving far more for the one that was ill +than for the one that was dead. "It's turning out just as brother +Ezra said," he growled. "A man's a fool to mix himself up with +other people's troubles." The interest in the village deepened into +strong excitement when it became known that Roger was ill with the +fever that had caused Belle's death, some timid ones fearing that +a pestilence would soon be raging in their midst. But the great +majority yielded to their good impulses, and Mrs. Atwood was +overwhelmed with offers of assistance. Several young farmers to +whom Belle had given a heartache a few weeks before volunteered to +watch beside her until the funeral, and there was a deeper ache in +their hearts as they sat reverently around the fair young sleeper. +The funeral was a memorable one in Forestville, for the most callous +heart was touched by the pathos of the untimely death. + +Meanwhile poor Roger was tossing in fever and muttering constantly +of his past life. The name, however, oftenest on his lips was that +of Millie Jocelyn. + +Never before in all the troubled past did the poor girl so need his +sustaining love as on the night he left her. Mr, Wentworth spent +an hour with the sad mother and daughter after the others had gone, +and then sorrowfully departed, saying that he had an engagement out +of town, and that he would come again immediately on his return. +Mrs. Wheaton had gone home, promising that she would come back in +the evening and spend the night with them, for she had a neighbor +who would take care of the children, and so at last the two stricken +women were left alone. + +Mildred was bathing her mother's head and trying to comfort her +when the door opened, and a haggard, unkempt man stood before them. +For a second they looked at him in vague terror, for he stood in +a deep shadow, and then Mrs. Jocelyn cried, "Martin! Martin!" and +tears came to her relief at last. + +He approached slowly and tremblingly. Mildred was about to throw +herself into his arms, but he pushed her away. His manner began to +fill them with a vague, horrible dread, for he acted like a spectre +of a man. + +"Where are the children?" he asked hoarsely. + +"We have sent them to the country. Oh, papa, do be kind and +natural--you will kill mamma." + +"There is crape on the door-knob," he faltered. "Where's Belle?" + +"Oh, oh, oh!" sobbed Mildred, "Papa, papa, have mercy on us. Can't +you sustain and help us at such a time as this?" + +"She is dead, then," he whispered, and he sank into a chair as if +struck down. + +"Yes, she's dead. You were the first one she asked for when she +came out of her fever." + +"Great God! my punishment is greater than I can bear," he groaned. + +"Oh, Martin," pleaded his wife, "come to me," and too weak to rise +from her couch she held out her arms to him. + +He looked at her with a remorse and agony in his expression that +were indescribable. "No, Nan," he said, "I'm not fit for you to +touch now. I'm murdering you all," and he went hastily to his room +and locked the door. + +They waited, scarcely breathing in their deep apprehension. + +In a few moments he came out, and his face was rigid and desperate +in its aspect. In spite of his repelling gesture Mildred clasped +him in her arms. The embrace seemed to torture him. "Let me go!" +he cried, breaking away. "I poison the very air I breathe. You both +are like angels of heaven and I--O God! But the end has come," and +he rushed out into the gathering darkness. Mrs. Jocelyn tried to +follow him, and fell prostrate with a despairing cry on the floor. + +Mildred's first impulse was to restore her mother, without seeking +help, in the faint hope that her father would return, for she had +learned what strange alternations of mood opium produces; but as the +sense of his words grew clearer she was overpowered, and trembled +so violently that she was compelled to call to her help a neighbor--a +plain, good-hearted woman who lived on the same floor. When at +last Mrs. Jocelyn revived she murmured piteously: + +"Oh, Millie, why didn't you let me die?" + +"Mamma," pleaded the girl, "how can you even think of leaving me?" + +"Millie, Millie darling, I fear I must. My heart feels as if it were +bleeding internally. Millie"--and she grasped her child's shoulder +convulsively, "Millie, look in his room for--for--his pistol." + +"Oh, mamma, mamma!" + +"Look, look!" said her mother excitedly. "I can't bear the suspense." + +Thinking that her mother was a little hysterical, and that compliance +would quiet her, Mildred went to the place where her father always +kept his cavalry revolver--the one memento left of his old heroic +army life. IT WAS GONE! + +She almost sank to the floor in terror, nor did she dare return to +her mother. + +"Millie, Millie, quick!" came in a faint cry from the outer room. + +The poor girl rushed forward and buried her face in her mother's +bosom, sobbing, "Mamma, oh mamma, live for my sake." + +"I knew it, I knew it," said the stricken wife, with a long low +cry. "I saw it in his desperate face. Oh, Martin, Martin, we will +die together!" + +She clasped Mildred tightly, trembled convulsively a moment, and +then her arms fell back, and she was as still as poor Belle had +been. + +"Oh, mamma!" Mildred almost shrieked, but she was far beyond recall, +and the suffering heart was at rest. + +When the woman returned with the cup of tea she had gone to +prepare for Mrs. Jocelyn, she found the young girl leaning forward +unconscious on the bosom of the dead mother. + +When she revived it was only to moan and wring her hands in despair. +Mrs. Wheaton soon appeared, and having learned what had happened +she threw her apron over her head and rocked back and forth in her +strong sympathetic grief. But her good heart was not long content +with tears, and she took Mildred into her arms and said: + +"I vill be a mother to you, and you shall never vant a 'ome vile I +'ave von," and the motherless girl clung to her in a way that did +the kind soul a world of good. + +Before the evening was very far advanced a boy brought a note to +the door. Mildred seized it and asked: + +"Who gave it to you?" + +"I don't know--a man. He pointed to this door, and then he went +away very fast." + +She tore it open, and read in horror: "My darling wife, dear beyond +all words in these my final despairing moments. My love for you +and those left is the only trace of good remaining in my heart. I +die for your sakes. My continued existence would be a curse, for +I have lost my manhood. I am possessed by a devil that I can't +control. I cannot ask you to forgive me. I can never forgive +myself. Farewell. After I am gone, brighter days will come to you +all. Pity me if you can, forgive me if you can, and remember me as +I was before--"And there the terrible missive ended. + +For an hour the girl lay moaning as if in mortal pain, and then +the physician who was summoned gave her a sedative which made her +sleep long and heavily. It was quite late in the morning when she +awoke, and the events that had passed first came to her like a +horrid dream, and then grew into terrible reality. But she was not +left to meet the emergency alone, for Mrs. Wheaton and Clara Wilson +watched beside her. The latter in her strong sympathy had come to +the city to take Mildred and her mother to the country, and she +said to Mrs. Wheaton that she would now never leave her friend +until she was in the breezy farm-house. + +After a natural outburst of grief Mildred again proved that Arnold's +estimate of her was correct. She was equal to even this emergency, +for she eventually grew quiet and resolute. "I must find papa," +she said. + +"Shall I?" Mrs. Wilson asked Mrs. Wheaton significantly. + +"Yes, Millie is more hof a soldier than hany hof us." + +"Well," continued Mrs. Wilson, "Mrs. Wheaton found this in the +morning paper: 'An unknown man committed suicide on the steps of +No. 73----Street. His remains have been taken to the Morgue for +identification.'" + +For a few moments Mildred so trembled and looked so crushed that +they feared for her exceedingly. "Poor papa!" she moaned, "he was +just insane from remorse and opium. Seventy-three----Street! Why, +that was the house in which we used to live. It was there that papa +spent his first happy years in this city, and it was there he went +to die. Oh, how dreadful, how inexpressibly sad it all is! What +shall we do?" + +"Leave hall to me," said Mrs. Wheaton. "Mrs. Wilson, you stay 'ere +with the poor dear, an' I'll hattend to heverything." + +Mildred was at last too overpowered to do more than lie on the +lounge, breathing in long tremulous sighs. + +Mrs. Wheaton went at once to the Morgue and found that the "unknown +man" was indeed Mr. Jocelyn, and yet he had so changed, and a +bullet-hole in his temple had given him such a ghastly appearance, +that it was difficult to realize that he was the handsome, courtly +gentleman who had first brought his beautiful daughter to the old +mansion. + +Mrs. Wheaton represented to the authorities that he was very poor, +that his daughter was an orphan and overcome with grief, and that +she now was the nearest friend of the afflicted girl. Her statement +was accepted, and then with her practical good sense she attended +to everything. + +During her absence Mildred had sighed, "Oh, I do so wish that Eoger +Atwood were here. He gives me hope and courage when no one else +can." + +"Millie," said Mrs. Wilson tearfully, "for his sake you must rally +and be braver than you have ever been before. I think his life now +depends upon you. He has the fever, and in his delirium he calls +for you constantly." + +At first Mrs. Wilson thought the shock of her tidings would be more +disastrous to the poor girl, already so unnerved and exhausted, +than all the terrible events which had thus far occurred. "I have +brought him nothing but suffering and misfortune," she cried. "He +gave up everything for us, and now we may cost him his life." + +"Millie, he is not dead, and you, if any one, can bring him life." + +She had touched the right chord, for the young girl soon became +quiet and resolute. "He never failed me," she said in a low voice, +"and I won't fail him." + +"That is the right way to feel," said Mrs. Wilson eagerly. "I now +think that everything depends on your courage and fortitude. Mrs. +Wheaton and I have planned it all out. We'll go to Forestville on +the evening boat, and take your father's and mother's remains with +us." + +Mrs. Wheaton learned from the undertaker connected with Mr. Wentworth's +chapel that the clergyman would not be back until evening, and she +told the former to tell their pastor all that had occurred, and to +ask him to keep the circumstances of Mr. Jocelyn's death as quiet +as possible. + +The man was discreet and energetic, and they were all so expeditious +that the evening saw them with their sad freight on the way to +Forestville, the keys of Mildred's rooms having been left with the +kind woman who had befriended her in the sudden and awful emergency. +Mrs. Wheaton parted from Mildred as if she were her own child, +and went mournfully back to her busy, useful life. Mr. and Mrs. +Jocelyn were buried with a quiet, simple service beside poor Belle, +and sensible Mrs. Wilson soon inspired the good-hearted village +people with the purpose to spare the feelings of the stricken girl +in every possible way. Mildred caressed her little brother and sister +with the tenderness of a mother added to her sisterly affection, +and she was comforted to see how much they had already improved +in the pure country air. "Oh, Clara," she said, "what a friend you +have been to me! God alone can repay you." + +"Millie," Mrs. Wilson earnestly replied, "I owe you a debt I can +never pay. I owe you and darling Belle happiness and prosperity for +this life, and my hope of the life to come. My husband is strong +and prosperous, and he says J shall do all that's in my heart for +you. Oh, Millie, he is so good to me, and he cried over Belle like +a child. I thought I loved him before, but when I saw those tears +I just worshipped him. He has a man's heart, like Roger. Now, +Millie, I'm going to keep these children as long as you'll let me, +and treat them as my own. I feel that the promise has been given +to me that they'll grow up to be a great comfort to us both." + +On the evening after the funeral Mildred went to aid in the care +of Roger, and Mrs. Atwood greeted her with all the warmth and +tenderness that a daughter would have received. Even Mr. Atwood +drew his sleeve across his eyes as he said, "If you'll help us save +our boy, you'll find that I'm not as crabbed and crooked a stick +as I seem." + +Mildred was shocked and her heart chilled with fear at the change +in Roger, but her hand upon his brow and her voice did more to +quiet him than all the physician's remedies. She became his almost +tireless watcher, and she said hopefully that the bracing autumn +winds rustled around the farmhouse like the wings of ministering +angels, and that they would bring life and health to the fever-stricken +man. They all wondered at her endurance, for while she looked so +frail she proved herself so strong. At last the crisis came, as it +had in Belle's case, but instead of waking to die he passed from +delirium into a quiet sleep, Mildred holding his hand, and when he +opened his eyes with the clear glance of intelligence, they first +looked upon her dear face. "Millie," he whispered. + +She put her fingers upon her lips, smiled, and said, "I won't leave +you if you will be good and do all I say. You never failed me yet, +Roger, and you must not now." + +"I'll surely get well if you stay with me, Millie," he answered +contentedly, and soon he slept again as quietly as a child. + + + + +CHAPTER XLV + +MOTHER AND SON + + +Our story passes rapidly over the events of the ensuing months. +In his native mountain air, and under the impulse of his strong, +unbroken constitution, Roger recovered rapidly and steadily. As +soon as he was strong enough he went to the village cemetery, and, +leaning his head on Belle's grave, sobbed until Mildred led him +away. For a long time tears would come into his eyes whenever the +names of Mrs. Jocelyn and the young girl he loved so fondly were +mentioned. He and Mildred planted the sacred place thick with roses +and spring-flowering bulbs. + +Mildred resisted all entreaties to remain in the country, saying +that she was a city girl at heart, and that, with Mr. Wentworth's +aid, she could easily earn her livelihood in town, and do much for +Fred and Minnie. Moreover, she felt that she could not be parted +from Roger, for seemingly he had become an inseparable part of her +life. The experiences he had shared with her were developing within +him a strong and noble manhood, and he vowed that the young girl +who had known so much sorrow should have all the happiness that he +could bring to pass. + +When Mrs. Wheaton learned of Mildred's purpose to return to town, +she took more commodious apartments in the old mansion, and set +apart a room for the young girl. She also sold most of her own +things and took Mildred's furniture out of storage, so that the +place might seem familiar and homelike to her friend. + +When Roger had almost recovered his wonted health, Mrs. Atwood told +her husband that he must go with her to visit his brother in town, +for the worthy woman had a project on her mind which she carried +out with characteristic directness and simplicity. + +They surprised Mr. and Mrs. Ezra Atwood at breakfast, and partook +of the cheer offered them rather grimly and silently. After the +meal was over Roger's mother said, without any circumlocution: + +"Brother-in-law, I've come to have a plain, honest talk with you, and +if you're a true Atwood you'll listen to me. I want your wife and +my husband to be present. We are nigh of kin, but we are forgetting +ties which the Lord hath ordained. Ezra, I believe you are a good +man at heart, but, like my husband, you set too much store by +things that perish in the using. My boy has taught me that there +are better things in this world, and we'll all soon be where we +may look on money as a curse. You have not spoken to my son since +last spring, and you've been cold toward us. I want you to know the +truth, and realize what you're doing; then if you go on in this +way, you must settle it with your own conscience;" and with a homely +pathos all her own she told the whole story. + +The uncle at first tried to be grim and obstinate, but he soon +broke down completely. "I'm glad you've come," he said huskily. +"My conscience hasn't given me any peace for months, and I wanted +to give in, but you know that it's like drawing an eye-tooth for +an Atwood to give in. I'm proud of the boy, and he'll be a blessing +to us all. He IS a new departure in the family; he's got more brains +than any of us, and with it all a big, brave heart. He shall marry +the girl if he wants to; and now that her old wretch of a father is +dead, no harm need come of it. But they're young; they must wait +until Roger is educated up to the best of 'em. Well, now that +I've given in, there shall be no half-way work," and he insisted +on sending for his lawyer and making his will in Roger's favor at +once. + +"I didn't come for any such purpose as this," said Roger's +mother, wiping her eyes, while his father could scarcely conceal +his exultation; "but I felt that it was time for us to stop living +like heathen," and after a visit of a very different nature from +the one they had feared, the worthy couple returned to Forestville +well content with the results of their expedition. + +Roger was jubilant over the news, and he hastened to impart it to +Mildred, who was spending the remaining weeks of her sojourn in +the country with her friend Mrs. Wilson. + +"Millie," he said, "you shall never want again. My good fortune +would be nothing to me unless I shared it with you." + +But she disappointed him by saying, "No, Roger, you must let me +live the independent life that my nature requires," and the only +concession that he could obtain from her was a promise to receive +his aid should any emergency require it. + +Before Mildred's return a letter from Vinton Arnold was forwarded +to her at Forestville, and it must be admitted that it gave her +sad heart something like a thrill of happiness. It was an eloquent +and grateful outpouring of affection, and was full of assurances +that she had now given him a chance for life and happiness. + +When she told Roger, he looked very grim for a moment, and then by +a visible effort brightened up and said, "It's all right, Millie." +After pacing the room for a few moments with a contracted brow, +he continued, "Millie, you must grant me one request--you must not +say anything to Arnold about me." + +"How can I say anything then about myself?" she answered. "I want +him to know that I owe everything to you, and I hope to see the +day when you will be the closest of friends." + +"Well, that will be a good way on. I must see him first, and learn +more about him, and--well, friends related as Arnold will be to me +are not common. I've too much of the old untamed man in me to go +readily into that kind of thing. I will do anything in the world +for you, but you must not expect much more till I have a few gray +hairs in my head. Come now, you must humor me a little in this +affair; you can say generally that some friends were kind, and all +that, without much personal reference to me. If you should write as +you propose, he might be jealous, or--worse yet--write me a letter +of thanks. It may prevent complications, and will certainly save +me some confoundedly disagreeable experiences. After I've seen him +and get more used to it all, I may feel differently." + +"You certainly will, Roger. Your life will gradually become so +rich, full, and happy, that some day you will look back in wonder +at your present feelings." + +"Life will be full enough if work can make it so; but you must not +expect me to outgrow this. It will strengthen with my years. It's +my nature as well as yours. But I foresee how it will be," he +continued despondently; "I shall inevitably be pushed further and +further into the background. In your happy home life--" + +Before he could utter another word Mildred was sobbing passionately. +"Roger," she cried, "don't talk that way. I can't bear it. If Vinton +is jealous of you, if he fails in manly appreciation of you, I +will never marry him. Strong as my love is for him, such a course +would destroy it. There are certain kinds of weakness that I can't +and won't tolerate." + +He was surprised and deeply touched, for her manner was usually +so quiet and well controlled that even he was at times tempted +to forget how strong and passionate was her nature on occasions +sufficient to awaken it. "There, Millie, I've hurt your feelings," +he said remorsefully. "Even I do not half understand your good, +kind heart. Well, you must have patience with me. When the right +time comes my deeds will satisfy you, I think, though my words are +now so unpromising. But please don't deny me--don't say anything +about me until I give you permission. What has occurred between us +is sacred to me--it's our affair." + +"Very well, if you so wish it; but never even think again that you +will ever be less to me than you are now." + +Nevertheless he went sadly away, saying to himself, "She's sincere, +Heaven knows, but what I said will be true in spite of her best +intentions." + +The next day, after many farewells and an hour spent beside Belle's +grave, Roger returned to the city, far better prepared for life's +battle than when he first left his native village. Two or three +days later Mildred followed him, accompanied by Mrs. Wilson, who +was determined to see her safely settled in Mrs. Wheaton's care. +Pain and pleasure were almost equally blended in Mildred's experience +as she looked upon the furniture and the one or two pictures that +had escaped their poverty--all of which were so inseparable, in +their associations, from those who were gone, yet never absent long +from memory. But the pleasure soon got the better of the pain, for +she did not wish to forget. Mrs. Wheaton's welcome was so hearty as +to be almost overpowering, and when Roger appeared in the evening +with a beautiful picture for her walls she smiled as she once +thought she never could smile again. Mr. Wentworth also called, +and was so kind and sympathetic that the young girl felt that she +was far from friendless. "I so managed it," he whispered in parting, +"that there was little public reference to your father's sad end. +Now, Millie, turn your thoughts toward the future. Let Roger make +you happy. Believe me, he's pure gold." + +"Just what poor Belle said," she thought sighingly after he had +gone. "I must disappoint them all. But Roger will help me out. He +deserves a far better wife than poor shamed, half-crushed Millie +Jocelyn can ever make him, and he shall have her, too, for he +is much too young and strong not to get over all this before many +years elapse." + +Life soon passed into a peaceful, busy routine. Roger was preparing +himself for the junior class in college under the best of tutors, +and his evenings, spent with Mildred, were usually prefaced by +a brisk walk in the frosty air. Then he either read aloud to her +or talked of what was Greek to good-natured Mrs. Wheaton, who +sat knitting in a corner discreetly blind and deaf. Unknown to +Mildred, he was able to aid her very efficiently, for he taxed Mrs. +Wentworth's ingenuity in the invention of all kinds of delicate +fancy work, and that good lady, in the most business-like manner, +gave the orders to Mildred, who thought that, considering the hard +times, she was wonderfully prosperous. + +Twice during the winter she went with Roger to Forestville, and +she had her little brother and sister spend the Christmas week +with her. It was the brightest experience the little people ever +remembered, although, unnoted by them, Mildred, with sad memories +that do not belong to childhood, often wiped bitter tears from her +eyes as she recalled the terrible events of the preceding holiday +season. She became an efficient ally of Mr. Wentworth, and was +almost as glad to aid him, in return for his stanch friendship, as +the cause he represented. + +She and Vinton Arnold maintained quite a regular correspondence, +and the fact occasioned the young man more than one stormy scene. +His mother saw Mildred's letter before he received it, and the effect +of the missive upon him, in spite of his efforts at concealment, +were so marked that she at once surmised the source from which +it came. The fact that a few words from Mildred had done more for +the invalid than all the expensive physicians and the many health +resorts they had visited would have led most mothers to query whether +the secret of good health had not been found. Mrs. Arnold, on the +contrary, was only angered and rendered more implacable than ever +against the girl. She wrote to her husband, however, to find out +what he could about her family, believing that the knowledge might be +useful. Mr. Arnold merely learned the bare facts that the Jocelyns +had become greatly impoverished, that they were living in low +tenements, that the father had become a wretched sot, and, worse than +all, that the girl herself had been in a station-house, although +he believed she was proved innocent of the charge against her. +He therefore wrote to his wife that the correspondence must cease +at once, since it might involve the family in disgrace--certainly +in disgraceful associations. He also wrote to his son to desist, +under the penalty of his heaviest displeasure. With an expression +of horror on her face, Mrs. Arnold showed this letter to her son. +In vain he tried to protest that not one evil thing against Mildred +could be proved; that she was innocence and purity itself; that her +misfortunes and the wrong of others were no reason for desertion on +his part. His mother for once lost her frigid politeness. "What!" +she almost screamed, "do you think we would ever let that horrid +creature bear our name? A woman who has been in a prison cell, and +mixed up with the vilest and lowest people in the city, should not +even be named in my presence." + +Her son gave her a strange, vindictive look. "You unnatural mother," +he muttered between his teeth, "thus to speak of the girl to whom +your son has given his best love, and who is worthy of it!" and he +turned on his heel and left her. + +Mrs. Arnold became somewhat hysterical, and wrote home that she +believed that Vinton was losing his mind. She soon learned, however, +that she would have no ground for such a charge, although her son +was becoming greatly changed. His politeness to her was scrupulous +to a nicety, but was unrelenting in its icy coldness. At the same +time she knew that he was continuing the correspondence, and she +saw, too, that he was making the most studied and careful effort +to gain in physical strength. One day she began to upbraid him +bitterly for his disobedience, but he interrupted her by saying +sternly: + +"Madam, there is no child present. I treat you with respect. I also +demand respect." + +The proud, resolute woman admitted to herself that his management +was becoming a difficult and dubious problem, and at last, discouraged +and exasperated by the unwavering steadfastness of his course and +manner, she wrote that they might as well return home, for "he was +beyond her influence." + +Therefore, thrilling with glad expectation, Arnold found himself +in his native city much sooner than he had expected. He had no very +definite plans. If he could only become sufficiently well to earn +his own livelihood the future would be comparatively clear. If +this were impossible, his best hope was to wait, secure in Mildred's +faith, for the chances of the future, believing that his father +might relent if his mother would not. For this event, however, +the outlook was unpromising. Mr. Arnold was incensed by his wife's +fuller account of his son's behavior, and the proof she had obtained, +in spite of his precautions, that he was in frequent correspondence +with Mildred. He had since learned the circumstances of Mr. +Jocelyn's wretched death, and that Mildred was but a sewing-girl, +living with an ignorant English woman in a dilapidated old tenement, +and his bitter revolt at the whole affair was quite natural in view +of his superficial inquiries and knowledge. Both he and his wife +judged from their proud and worldly standpoint solely, and therefore +on the day following Vinton's arrival they summoned him to a private +interview. At first Mr. Arnold proposed to reason with his son, +but the cold, unyielding face soon so irritated him that he became +almost violent in his anger. After he and his mother had nearly +exhausted themselves, Vinton said quietly: + +"Now that you have both lectured and threatened me as if I were a +boy, I would like to ask one question. Have I ever disgraced you +yet?" + +The husband and wife looked at each other, and were not a little +perplexed how to meet this passive resistance. In the same low, +incisive tones, Vinton continued, "If you propose to turn me into +the streets for loving Miss Jocelyn, do so at once, for I do love +her, and I shall ever love her." + +"She shall not touch a penny of our money," said Mrs. Arnold, with +an implacable look. + +"With me," replied her son, with the same old vindictive glance, +"it is not a question of pennies, but of life and death. I feel +toward Miss Jocelyn as I suppose my father once felt toward you, +although what heart you had to win I cannot understand from your +manner toward me. I have seen considerable of society, but have +never met a woman who could compare with Mildred Jocelyn in all +that constitutes a true lady. I shall not waste any words concerning +the virtues of her heart upon such unsympathetic listeners, but I +am at least a man in years, and have the right to love her." + +"Oh, certainly," said Mrs. Arnold angrily, "there is no law which +can prevent your disgracing yourself and us." + +"Nor is there any law or gospel, madam, for your unnatural, +unsympathetic course toward your own flesh and blood. Good-evening." + +"Now you see how strange and infatuated he has become," she said to +her husband after her son's departure; but the old merchant shook +his head in trouble and perplexity. + +"We have been too hard upon him, I fear," he said. + +"If you weaken in this matter, I shall not," she answered decisively. +"If he gives way to this folly, both I and my children will disown +all kith and kin." + +"Well, well," he replied impatiently, "it will have to be so, +I suppose; but nevertheless I believe we have been too hard with +him." + + + + +CHAPTER XLVI + +A FATAL ERROR + + +The next morning Arnold started out to visit the one rarely absent +from his thoughts. It was a lovely day in the latter part of June, +and his heart grew glad and hopeful in spite of the discouraging +conditions of his lot. All the world could not prevent his loving +Mildred, or destroy her faith, and at some time and in some way +they would attain their happiness. These hopes were like the bright +summer sun, and he walked with a firmer and more elastic tread than +he had ever known before. + +When he reached the haggard old mansion his heart misgave him. +"Can it be reality," he asked himself, "that she has been living +in places like this?" and the half-defined fear entered his mind +that she might have changed somewhat with her fortunes, and might +no longer be in appearance the delicate, refined, beautiful girl +that he had left so long since. But his impatient heart gave him +no time for such imaginings, and he hastened to gratify his intense +desire to look upon her face. + +In response to a low knock Mildred opened the door, and found +herself in the arms of her lover. Then he held her off and looked +at her earnestly. "Oh, Millie!" he exclaimed, "you have only grown +more beautiful, more womanly in these long, weary years. Your face +is the reflex of the letters on which I have lived, and which gave +me the power to live." + +Then in the excess of his joy he sank into a chair, and, putting +his hand upon his heart, looked very pale. She sprang to his side +in alarm. "Don't worry, Millie," he said, taking her hand. "It's +passing. I don't have them very often now. I'm much better, thanks +to you. Happiness rarely kills." + +It was well that Mrs. Wheaton and the children were out. This +scene would have been a great shock to the good woman, for she was +Roger's ally, heart and soul, and did not even know of Arnold's +existence. Since Arnold and Mildred were so fortunate as to be +alone, they talked frankly over their old happy days, and as far +as she could without breaking her promise to Roger, Mildred spoke +of the deep sorrows which had almost overwhelmed her during his +absence. + +"How my heart aches for you!" Arnold said. "I never realized before +what sad experiences you have passed through. The part which I can't +endure is that I have been of no help to you. On the contrary, you +reached out this little hand and saved me. Everything has been +just the opposite of what it ought to have been, and even now in +these surroundings you are like a diamond in a dust-heap. Oh, how +different it would all be if I had my way!" and he in turn told +her quite frankly how he was situated. + +"Vinton," she said earnestly, "you must do all in your power to +grow strong and make a place for yourself in the world. As you say, +I cannot punish you for the pride and hostility of your parents; +I don't think of them, and I could never take any favors at their +hands. As a man you have the right to choose for yourself, and +can do so while maintaining the utmost courtesy and respect toward +your family. I don't fear poverty--I'm used to it. The thing for +you to do is to find some honest work that won't tax you too greatly, +and gain strength in its performance." + +"Oh, Millie, how strong and true you are! I will take your advice +in this as in all respects. But we shall have to wait a long time, +I fear. I have so little knowledge of business, and I think my +father, influenced by my mother, will thwart rather than help me." + +"Very well, I can wait," she answered smilingly. "Indeed I'd rather +wait." + +Now that her happiness seemed assured, however, she sighed over +Roger so often and remorsefully that at last Arnold said, + +"You have some trouble on your mind, Millie?" + +"You must not expect to find me a light-hearted girl any more," +she replied evasively. + +"Well," he said, as he clasped her closely in farewell, "my every +waking thought shall now be how best to banish sighs and bring +smiles." + +That evening, while they were out for a walk, Mildred said to Roger, +with a little tremor in her voice, "He's come." + +He gave her a swift look, and then he turned as quickly away, but +his arm grew rigid under her hand. + +"Don't fail me, Roger," she pleaded. + +"It's unexpected--I wasn't prepared," he said, in a low tone, and +then he was silent. He felt her hand trembling so greatly that he +soon mastered himself for her sake. "It's all right, Millie," he +said heartily. "Be just as happy as you can." + +"How can I be truly happy when you are not?" she sighed. + +"Bless your kind heart! do you think I am going to stand off and +lower at your happiness like a black cloud? Do you think I'm going +to droop, look forlorn and deserted, and heave great sighs in dark +corners? By all the powers! if I were capable of such meanness +toward you, I'd whip myself worse than I did that fellow Bissel." + +"Do you think I'll feel for you any the less because you are so +good and brave about it?" + +"Oh, confound it!" he said impatiently, "you must not feel too +much. Spoiling your happiness won't do me any good; it would just +make me savage." + +She leaned her head for a second against his shoulder and said, +"I'm not a bit afraid of you, Roger." + +"There, Millie," he said quietly, "you always get the better of +the old Satan in me, but I sometimes feel as if I could more easily +tame a whole menagerie than my own nature. Come to think of it, +it's all turning out for the best. To-morrow I go home on quite a +long vacation. Father isn't very well this summer, and I'm to take +charge of the harvest for him." + +"Isn't this plan a little sudden?" she asked. + +"Not more so than your news," he replied grimly. + +"Are you not willing to meet him yet?" + +"Not quite. After a few weeks in the fields I shall come back +with the stoicism and appearance of a wild Indian. Come, Millie, I +said I wouldn't fail you, nor shall I. Leave it all to me. I will +explain to Mrs. Wheaton to-night, and to our other friends when +the right time comes, and I will make it appear all right to them. +If I justify you, they should have nothing to say. And now you +have nothing to do but accept your happiness and make the most of +it. I still request that you do not speak of me to Arnold except +in a casual way. When we meet you can introduce me simply as a +friend who was kind during your troubles. I'll soon know after we +meet whether we can get on together, and if we can't it will save +complications for you as well as myself. You must let me serve you +in my own way, and I think my judgment will be better than yours +in this matter." + +She was silent for a few moments, and by the light of a lamp he saw +that her eyes were full of tears. "Roger," she said softly after +a while, "I sometimes think that my affection for you is greater +than my love for Vinton, but it is so different. It seems almost +like my religion. You are a refuge for me, no matter what happens." + +"Thank you, Millie, but I don't deserve such honor." + +Mrs. Wheaton could not be brought to look at the situation as Roger +did, and she accepted the fact of Vinton Arnold with but a grim +acquiescence, which was not mollified by the young man's manner +toward her. While meaning to be very kind and polite, he was +unconsciously patronizing. She belonged to a class with which he +had never had much to do, and in his secret soul he chafed at her +presence and her relations to Mildred. While in the abstract he +might say that Mildred's associations made no difference to him, he +could not in fact overcome his lifelong prejudices, and Mildred's +surroundings were not at all to his taste. Luxury and the absence +of all that was rude and coarse had become essential to him, and +Mrs. Wheaton's cockney English and homely life often gave him cold +chills. + +Mildred in one respect disappointed him also, for she would take +no aid from him, and would in no way deviate from her retired, +independent life. "Even if my feelings and principles were not +involved," she said, "good taste requires that I conform to my +circumstances." + +She would take such quiet walks with him as his strength permitted, +but would visit no places of public resort. In view of his family's +hostility to his course, Arnold did not so much regret this, and +so it came about that they spent many of their evenings on the +platform over the roof, with the old German astronomer, star-gazing +and oblivious, not far away. + +While Mildred maintained her loyalty to her old friends, and +her resolute plainness and simplicity of life, she considerately +recognized that it was all so foreign to her lover's previous experience +that she could not expect him to feel as she did. Moreover, his +presence renewed her old love for the refined and beautiful, and +her heart, that had been so sad and preoccupied, awoke at last to +the truth that she was out of her sphere--an exile far from the +world her nature craved. Arnold seemed an inseparable part of that +old world of beauty and elegance. His every act and word brought +it back, and it caused a deepening regret that he was compelled +to seek her in her present situation; therefore she also began to +share his ill-concealed wish that she might soon escape. Honestly +as she loved Mrs. Wheaton, and would love her for all her kindness, +the good woman's talk and ways often jarred discordantly on her +nerves. Arnold soon discovered this fact, and it made him very +impatient over the prospect of life long continued under its present +aspects. He was conscious of Mrs. Wheaton's latent hostility, and +he had not the tact to conciliate her nor indeed did he make very +great effort to do so. Mildred was very sorry for this, but did +not blame him greatly, for she knew her plain old friend could +never be to him what she was to those who had learned her goodness +and worth in emergencies that had levelled all external differences. + +But in spite of the ingredients brought by these facts and the +memories of the past, Mildred found the cup of happiness which +Arnold pressed to her lips sweet indeed. She had been exceedingly +sorrowful for a long time, and it is contrary to nature that the +young should cling to sorrow, however true and constant they may +be. Her love was a part of her happy girlhood, and now it seemed to +have the power to bring back some of her former girlish lightness +of heart. The prospects offered by Arnold certainly had little to +do with the returning tide of gladness which seemed bearing her +from the dark, rugged shores on which she had been nearly wrecked. +It was a buoyancy inherent within the love she cherished, and her +joy was so sweet, so profound, that she shut her eyes to the future +and thought, "For a few days, for a few weeks, we'll just drink +deeply at this life-giving fountain. After our long separation it +will do us both more good than anything else." + +She had said to Arnold that she was willing to wait, that she +would rather wait, but she soon began to feel differently. Arnold +infused into her nature some of his own dreamy, enervated spirit, and +sometimes he would describe to her an imaginary home so exactly to +her taste that she would sigh deeply; and one day she remonstrated, +"Don't tantalize me with any more such exquisite mirages. Let us +rather think of the best and quickest way to secure a real home, and +let us be content in it, however humble it must be." But Arnold was +far better able to construct an imaginary palace than an ordinary +cottage. Although he seemed gaining steadily under the impulse of +his happiness, she often trembled to see how frail he was in body +and how untrained and impracticable in mind. He was essentially the +product of wealth, luxury, and seclusion, and while his intentions +might be the best, she was sometimes compelled to doubt his ability +to make much headway in the practical, indifferent world. Instead +of being discouraged, she only thought, "No one can ever doubt the +genuineness of my love. Roger is rich already, and he is certain +to become eminent, and yet my love is more than all the world to +me, and I so long for a little nook of a home that I could call +all my own, that I would be willing to marry Vinton at once and +support him myself if his health required it. I don't think I can +be like other girls. I shall never get over my pride, but I haven't +a particle of ambition. The world at large is nothing to me, and +instead of wishing to shine in it, I am best pleased to escape its +notice altogether." + +Arnold's family were as deeply perplexed as they were incensed at +his course. He would not leave the city for any fashionable resort, +and they well knew the reason. His father and mother hesitated +in their departure, not knowing what "folly," as they termed it, +he might be guilty of in their absence. They felt that they must +bring the matter to some issue, and yet how to do so puzzled them +greatly, for, as he had said, he had done nothing as yet to disgrace +them, and his bearing toward them was as irreproachable as it was +cold and dignified. + +At last, unknown to them, an elder brother undertook to solve the +problem. He was a thorough man of the world, and his scrupulous +compliance with the requirements of fashionable society led his +mother to regard him as a model of propriety. In his private, hidden +life he was as unscrupulous as the ultra fashionable often are. + +"Vinton," he said one day, "what a fool you are making of yourself +in this affair! You have been brought up like a girl, and you are +more simple and innocent than they average. I've seen your charmer, +and I admit that she is a fine creature. As far as looks go, you +show as much judgment as any man in town, but there your wits desert +you. Girls in her position are not nice as to terms when they can +greatly better themselves. You have money enough to lodge her like +a princess compared with her present condition. Verbum sat sapienti." + +Vinton replied indignantly that he knew nothing about Mildred. + +"Oh, I know all about women," was the confident reply; "have +forgotten more than you ever knew." + +Nevertheless this thought, like an evil seed, sprang up into a speedy +but not rank growth. Arnold saw that his family would regard his +marriage as an outrage which they would resent in every possible way, +and that their hostility now was but an ill-concealed, smouldering +fire. The relation to him would not be what his brother suggested, +but as sacred and binding as marriage. His unhealthful reading, his +long years abroad, and the radical weakness of his nature prepared +him to accept this solution as the easiest and best that circumstances +permitted of. He justly doubted whether he would soon, if ever, +gain the power of being independent. He knew nothing of business, +and hated its turmoil and distractions, and while for Mildred's +sake he would attempt anything and suffer anything, he had all +the unconquerable shrinking from a manful push out into the world +which a timid man feels at the prospect of a battle. He had been +systematically trained into weakness, and he felt that men, when +he came to compete with them, would discover and take advantage of +his defects. His cold, haughty reticence was but disguised timidity. +In Mildred's presence he ever showed the best side of his nature, +and his lonely, repressed life had always touched the tenderest chords +of her heart. If their love had been smiled upon from the first, +how different would have been his fate! She would have tenderly +developed his dwarfed, crushed manhood, and the result would have +been happiness for them both. + +"Millie," said Arnold, one starlight night, "do you care very much +for the world's opinions?" They were sitting on the platform above +the old mansion. The German astronomer, after grumbling awhile at +an obscuring haze, had gone downstairs in disgust, and left the +lovers to themselves. + +"No, Vinton, I never cared much for the world at any time, and now +I have an almost morbid impulse to shrink from it altogether. I'm +like my dear mamma. Home was her world. Poor, dear mamma!" and she +buried her face on his shoulder and shed tears that his presence +robbed of much of their bitterness. + +"I not only do not care for the world," he said impetuously, "but +I hate it. I've been dragged through it, and have ever found it a +desert, stony place. My heart just aches for the sweet quiet and +seclusion of such a home as you could make, Millie. As it is, I +have no home. A hollow iceberg could not be more cold and joyless +than my present abode. Neither have you a home. It is only in stolen +moments like these, liable to interruption, that we can speak of +what is in our hearts;" and then, prompted by his feelings, longings, +and the apparently friendless condition of the girl whose head +rested so trustingly on his breast, he broached the scheme of life +that had taken possession of his imagination. + +At first, in her faith and innocence she scarcely understood him, +but suddenly she raised her head, and looked at him with startled +eyes. "What!" she said, in trembling alarm, "no marriage? Mr. +Wentworth and Roger Atwood not present?" + +"No minister could make our union more sacred than it would be to +me," he faltered, "and as soon as my obdurate parents--" + +She sprang to her feet, and exclaimed passionately, "I'd rather die +ten thousand deaths than bring a blush of shame to Roger Atwood's +face." Then she sank into her chair in an uncontrollable outburst +of grief. He pleaded with her, but she was deaf; he tried to caress +her, but although half unconscious from her agony, she repulsed +him. "Oh, oh," she moaned, "is this the sole reward of my fidelity?" + +"Millie, Millie," he entreated, "you will kill me if you cannot +control yourself. I will do anything you say--submit to any terms. +Oh, pity me, or I shall die." + +"Leave me," she said faintly. + +"Never," he cried; "I'd sooner cast myself down from this height." + +By visible and painful effort she at last grew calm enough to say +firmly: + +"Mr. Arnold, I do pity you. Even at this moment I will try to do +you justice. My heart seems broken, and yet, I fear you will suffer +more than I. My own womanhood would make your words the sufficient +cause for our final separation, and had I not a friend in the world +we could never meet again. But I have a friend, a brother to whom +I owe more than life, and whom I love better than life. He would +have made me rich if I would have let him, but I loved you too +well. Not for my hope of heaven would I make him blush for me. I +would have married you and lived in a single room in a tenement. I +would have supported you with my own hands. The weaknesses for which +you were not to blame drew my heart toward you, but you have shown +a defect in your character to-night which creates an impassable gulf +between us. In view of the wrong done you by others I forgive you--I +shall pray God to forgive you--but we have fatally misunderstood +each other. If you have any manhood at all, if you have the ordinary +instincts of a gentleman, you will respect the commands of an orphan +girl, and leave me, never to approach me again." + +Speechless, almost paralyzed in his despair, he tottered to the +steps and disappeared. + + + + +CHAPTER XLVII + +LIGHT AT EVENTIDE + + +AS Mrs. Wheaton crossed the hallway from a brief call on a neighbor, +Vinton Arnold passed her. She noted by the light of the lamp in +her hand that his pallor was ghostlike, and she asked quickly: + +"Vere is Miss Jocelyn?" + +He paid no more heed to her than if he were a shadow of a man, +and went by her with wavering, uncertain steps, without a word. In +sudden alarm she hastened to the roof, and found Mildred kneeling +by her chair, weeping and almost speechless from grief. She took +the girl in her arms, and said excitedly, "Vat did he say to you?" + +"Oh," sobbed Mildred, "my heart is broken at last. I feel as mamma +did when she said her heart was bleeding away. Mrs. Wheaton, I shall +stay with you now as long as I live, and it seems as if it wouldn't +be very long. Never speak of him again--never speak of it to a +living soul. He asked that which would banish you and Roger--dear, +brave, patient Roger--from my side forever, and I will never see +his face again. Oh, oh, I wish I could die!" + +"I'm a plain voman," Mrs. Wheaton said grimly, "but I took the +measure of 'im soon as I clapped my heyes on 'im; but, Millie, me +darlin', you couldn't be so cruel as to break hour 'earts by dying +for sich a man. You vould make the vorld black for us hall, yer +know. Come, dear, come vith me. I'll take care hof yer. I'm not +fine like 'im that's gone, thank the Lord, but I'll never ax ye to +do haught that Mr. Ventvorth vouldn't bless," and she half supported +the exhausted, trembling girl to her room, and there was tender +and tireless in her ministrations. In the early dawn, when at last +Mildred slept for an hour or two, she wrote, in a half-eligible +scrawl, to Roger, "Come back. Millie wants you." + +His presence in response was prompt indeed. On the second morning +after the events described, Mildred sat in her chair leaning back +with closed eyes. Mrs. Wheaton was away at work, and her eldest +daughter was watching the little brood of children on the sidewalk. +A decided knock at the door caused the young girl to start up with +apprehension. She was so nervously prostrated that she trembled like +a leaf. At last she summoned courage and opened the door slightly, +and when she saw Roger's sun-burned, honest face she welcomed him +as if he were a brother indeed. + +He placed her gently in her chair again, and said, with a keen look +into her eyes, "How is this, Millie? I left you happy and even +blooming, and now you appear more pale and broken than ever before. +You look as if you had been seriously ill. Oh, Millie, that couldn't +be, and you not let me know," and he clasped her hand tightly as +he spoke. + +She buried her burning face on his shoulder, and said, in a low, +constrained tone, "Roger, I've told Mr. Arnold this much about +you--I said I'd die ten thousand deaths rather than cause you to +blush for me." + +He started as if he had been shot. "Great God!" he exclaimed, "and +did he ask you aught that would make you blush?" + +Bitter tears were Mildred's only answer. + +The young man's passion for a few moments was terrible, but Mildred's +pallid face soon calmed him. "You could not harm him," she said +sadly. "What is one blow more to a man who is in torture? I pity +him from the depths of my soul, and you must promise me to let him +alone. Never for a moment did I forget that you were my brother." + +In strong revulsion of feeling he bent one knee at her side and +pleaded, "Oh, Millie, give me the right to protect you. I'll wait +for you till I'm gray. I'll take what love you can give me. I'll +be devotion itself." + +"Don't, Roger," she said wearily. "I love you too well to listen. +Such words only wound me. Oh, Roger, be patient with me. You don't +understand, you never will understand. I do give you the right to +protect me; but don't talk that way again. I just long for rest and +peace. Roger, my friend, my brother," she said, lifting her eyes +appealingly to his, and giving him both of her hands, "don't you +see? I can give you everything in this way, but in the way you +speak of--nothing. My heart is as dead as poor Belle's." + +"Your wish shall be my law," he said gently. + +"And you'll not harm Mr. Arnold?" + +"Not if it will hurt you." + +"I never wish to see or hear from him again, and you'll never have +cause to fear any one else." + +"Millie," he said sadly, "it is for you I fear most. You. look so +sad, pale, and broken-hearted. There isn't a sacrifice I wouldn't +make for you. Millie, you won't let this thing crush you? It would +destroy me if you did. We will resume our old quiet life, and you +shall have rest of body and soul;" and he kept his word so well +that, before many months passed, her mind regained sufficient tone +and strength to enable her to engage in the simple duties of life +with something like zest. He talked to her about many of his studies, +he searched the stores for the books which he thought would be +to her taste, and took her to see every beautiful work of art on +exhibition. In spite of her poverty, he daily made her life richer +and fuller of all that he knew to be congenial to her nature. While +she gained in serenity and in capability for quiet enjoyment, he was +positively happy, for he believed that before many years passed she +would be ready to spend the rest of life at his side. He meantime +was pursuing his studies with a vigor and success that inspired +his friends with the most sanguine hopes. + +Vinton Arnold, on that terrible night when his false dream of life +was shattered, went through the streets as oppressed with shame and +despair as if he were a lost spirit. As he was slowly and weakly +climbing the stairs his father called him to the sitting-room, +where he and his wife were in consultation, feeling that matters +must be brought to some kind of a settlement, Mrs. Arnold urging +extreme measures, and her husband bent on some kind of compromise. +As his son entered, the old gentleman started up, exclaiming: + +"Good God, my boy, what is the matter?" + +"He's going to have one of his bad turns," said his mother, rising +hastily. + +"Hush, both of you," he commanded sternly, and he sat down near the +door. Fixing a look of concentrated hatred on his mother, he said +slowly, "Madam, you are not willing that I should marry Mildred +Jocelyn." + +"And with very good reason," she replied, a little confused by his +manner. + +"Well, let it rejoice such heart as you have--I shall never marry +her." + +"What do you mean?" + +"I mean never to speak to you again after this brief interview. I +am a lost man--lost beyond hope, and you are the cause. If you had +had a mother's heart my father would not have been so obdurate. +Since you would not let me marry her, I was tempted by my love +and the horrible life I lead in this house to offer her a relation +which would have been marriage to me, but from which her proud, +pure spirit, recoiled, as I recoil from you, and I shall never see +her face again in this world or in any world. Your work is finished. +You need not scheme or threaten any more. While she is as good as an +angel of heaven, she is as proud as you are, and you have murdered +my hope--my soul. Father, I have but one request to make to you. +Give me money enough to live anywhere except under this roof. No, +no more words to-night, unless you would have me die in your presence +with curses on my lips. I have reached the utmost limit;" and he +abruptly left the room. + +Mrs. Arnold took refuge in hysterics, and her husband rang violently +for her maid, and then locked himself up in his library, where he +walked the floor for many an hour. The next morning he tried to make +overtures to his son, but he found the young man deaf and stony in +his despair. "It's too late," was all that he would say. + +"Oh, let him alone," protested his wife irritably, as her husband +came down looking sorely troubled; "Vinton will indulge in high +tragedy for a few months, and then settle down to sensible life," +and in the hope of this solution the old merchant went gloomily to +his business. + +That day Vinton Arnold left his home, and it was years before he +returned. + +Two years or more passed away in quiet, toilsome days for Mildred. +She had gained serenity, and apparently had accepted her lot +without repining. Indeed, thanks to Roger's unfaltering devotion, +it was not a monotonous or a sad one. He let her heart rest, hoping, +trusting that some day it would wake from its sleep. In compliance +with her wish he was in semblance a brother, and his attentions +were so quiet and frank, his manner toward her so restful, that +even she half believed at times that his regard for her was passing +into the quiet and equable glow of fraternal love. Such coveted +illusions could not be long maintained, however, for occasionally +when he was off his guard she would find him looking at her in a +way that revealed how much he repressed. She shed many bitter tears +over what she termed his "obstinate love," but an almost morbid +conviction had gained possession of her mind that unless she could +return his affection in kind and degree she ought not to marry him. + +At last she began to grow a little restless under her rather +aimless life, and one day she said to her pastor, Mr. Wentworth, +"I want a career--isn't that what you call it? I'm tired of being +a sewing-woman, and soon I shall be a wrinkled spinster. Isn't +there something retired and quiet which a girl with no more brains +and knowledge than I have can do?" + +"Yes," he said gravely; "make a home for Roger." + +She shook her head. "That is the only thing I can't do for him," +she replied very sadly. "God only knows how truly I love him. I +could give him my life, but not the heart of a wife. I have lost +everything except truth to my womanly nature. I must keep that. +Moreover, I'm too good a friend of Roger's to marry him. He deserves +the strong first love of a noble woman, and it will come to him +some day. Do you think I could stand before you and God's altar and +promise what is impossible? No, Mr. Wentworth, Roger has a strength +and force of character which will carry him past all this, and when +once he sees I have found a calling to which I can devote all my +energies, he will gradually become reconciled to the truth, and +finally accept a richer happiness than I could ever bring him." + +"You are an odd girl, Mildred, but perhaps you are right. I've +learned to have great faith in you. Well, I know of a career which +possibly may suit you. It would open an almost limitless field of +usefulness," and he told her of the Training School for Nurses in +connection with Bellevue Hospital. + +The proposition took Mildred's fancy greatly, and it was arranged +that they should visit the institution on the following afternoon. +Roger sighed when he heard of the project, but only remarked +patiently, "Anything you wish, Millie." + +"Dear old fellow," she thought; "he doesn't know I'm thinking of +him more than myself." + +Mildred made her friend Clara Wilson and her brother and sister +a long visit the following summer, and in the fall entered on her +duties, her zest greatly increased by the prospect of being able +before very long to earn enough to give Fred and Minnie a good +education. The first year of her training passed uneventfully +away, she bringing to her tasks genuine sympathy for suffering, +and unusual aptness and ability. Her own sorrowful experience made +her tender toward the unfortunate ones for whom she cared, and her +words and manner brought balm and healing to many sad hearts that +were far beyond the skill of the hospital surgeons. + +During the first half of the second year, in accordance with the +custom of the School, she responded to calls from wealthy families +wherein there were cases of such serious illness as to require the +services of a trained nurse, and in each instance she so won the +confidence of the attending physician and the affection of the +family as to make them personal friends. Her beautiful face often +attracted to her not a little attention, but she was found to be +as unapproachable as a Sister of Charity. Roger patiently waited, +and filled the long months with unremitting toil. + +One evening toward the latter part of the first six months of +her outside work, Mildred returned from nursing a patient back to +health. She found the lady in charge of the institution in much +tribulation. "Here is Mrs. Sheppard, from one of the most influential +families on Fifth Avenue, offering anything for a nurse. Her brother +is dying with consumption, she says. He has a valet in attendance, +but the physician in charge says he needs a trained nurse, for +he wants constant watching. He is liable to die at any moment. We +haven't a nurse unemployed. Do you feel too tired to go?" + +"Oh, no," said Mildred. "My patient improved so much that for the +last week I've almost been resting." + +"And you think you can go?" + +"Certainly." + +"I'll tell Mrs. Sheppard then to send for you in a couple of hours. +That will give you time to get ready." + +Two hours later Mildred was driven rapidly by a coach-man in livery +to a mansion on Fifth Avenue, and she was speedily ushered into +the room where the patient lay. He was sleeping at the time, with +curtains drawn and his face turned away. Mildred only glanced at him +sufficiently to see that he was very much emaciated. A middle-aged +lady who introduced herself as Mrs. Sheppard received her, saying, +"I'm so glad you are here, for I am overcome with fatigue. Last +night he was very restless and ill, and would have no one near him +except myself. His valet is in that room just across the hall, and +will come at the slightest summons. Now while my brother is sleeping +I will rest at once. My room is here, opening into this. Call me +if there is need, and don't mind if he talks strangely. Your room +is there, just beyond this one," and with a few directions, given +with the air of extreme weariness, she passed to her own apartment, +and was soon sleeping soundly. + +Mildred sat down in the dim room where the light fell upon her +pure, sweet profile, which was made a little more distinct by the +flickering of the cannel-coal fire, and began one of the quiet +watches to which she was becoming so accustomed. Her thoughts were +very painful at first, for they seemed strangely inclined to dwell +on Vinton Arnold. From the time they parted she had heard nothing +of him, and since the brief explanation that she had been compelled +to give to Roger, his name had not passed her lips. He had been +worse than dead to her, and she wondered if he were dead. She had +never cherished any vindictive feelings toward him, and even now +her eyes filled with tears of commiseration for his wronged and +wretched life. Then by a conscious effort she turned her thoughts +to the friend who had never failed her. "Dear Roger," she murmured, +"he didn't appear well the last time I saw him. He is beginning to +look worn and thin. I know he is studying too hard. Oh, I wish my +heart were not so perverse, for he needs some one to take care of +him. He can't change; he doesn't get over it as I hoped he would," +and her eyes, bent on the fire, grew dreamy and wistful. + +Unknown to herself, she was watched by one who scarcely dared to +breathe lest what seemed a vision should vanish. The dying man was +Vinton Arnold. His married sister, overcome by weariness and the +stupor of sleep, had inadvertently forgotten to mention his name, +and Mildred was under the impression that the name of her patient +was Sheppard. She had never been within the Arnold mansion, nor +was she specially familiar with its exterior. Entering it hastily +on a stormy night, she had not received the faintest suggestion +that it was the home to which she and her mother had once dreamed +she might be welcomed. + +When at last Arnold had awakened, he saw dimly, sitting by the +fire, an unfamiliar form, which nevertheless suggested the one never +absent from his thoughts. Noiselessly he pushed the lace curtain +aside, and to his unspeakable wonder his eyes seemed to rest on +Mildred Jocelyn. "She is dead," he first thought, "and it is her +spirit. Or can it be that my reason is leaving me utterly, and the +visions of my tortured mind are becoming more real than material +things? Oh, see," he murmured, "there are tears in her eyes. I +could almost imagine that a good angel had taken her guise and was +weeping over one so lost and wrecked as I am. Now her lips move--she +is speaking softly to herself. Great God! can it be real? Or is +it that my end is near, and long-delayed mercy gives me this sweet +vision before I die?" + +His sombre and half-superstitious conjectures were almost dispelled +by a little characteristic act on Mildred's part--an act that +contained a suggestion of hope for Roger. In awakening the stronger +traits of manhood in the latter she had also evoked an appreciation of +beauty and a growing love for it. Mildred was human enough not to +regret that this developing sense should find its fullest gratification +in herself. Though so determined to become a wrinkled spinster, +she found a secret and increasing pleasure in the admiring glances +that dwelt upon her face and dainty figure, and this fact might +have contained for him, had he known it, a pleasing hint. It must +be confessed that she no longer wished to go into his presence +without adding a little grace to her usually plain attire; and now +that she was thinking so deeply of him she involuntarily raised her +hand to adjust her coquettish nurse's cap, which by some feminine +magic all her own she ever contrived to make a becoming head-dress +rather than a badge of office. + +Even to Vinton Arnold's perturbed and disordered mind the act was +so essentially feminine and natural, so remote from ghostly weirdness, +that he raised himself on his elbow and exclaimed, "Millie, Millie +Jocelyn!" + +"Ah," cried Mildred starting from her chair and looking fearfully +toward the half-closed door of Mrs. Sheppard's room. In her turn +her heart beat quickly, with the sudden superstitious fear which the +strongest of us cannot control when we seem close to the boundaries +of the unseen world. "It was HIS voice," she murmured. + +"Millie, oh, Millie, are you real, or is it a dream?" + +She took two or three steps toward the bed, stopped, and covered +her face with her hands. + +"Oh, speak!" he cried in agony. "I do not know whether I am dreaming +or awake, or whether I now see as if before me the one ever in my +thoughts. You hide your face from me," he groaned, sinking back +despairingly. "You have come for a brief moment to show me that I +can never look upon your face again." + +Mildred thought swiftly. Her first impulse was to depart at once, +and then her womanly pity and sense of duty gained the mastery. +Vinton Arnold was now a dying man, and she but a trained nurse. +Perhaps God's hand was in their strange and unexpected meeting, and +it was His will that the threads of two lives that had been bound +so closely should not be severed in fatal evil. Should she thwart +His mercy? + +"Mr. Arnold," she said, in an agitated voice, "this is a strange and +undreamed-of meeting. Let me quiet your mind, however, by telling +you how simple and matter-of-fact are the causes which led to it. +I am now a professional nurse from the Training School connected +with Bellevue Hospital, and your sister, having sent to the School +for assistance, obtained my services as she might those of any of +my associates. In view--perhaps--it would be best for one of them +to take my place." + +He was strongly moved, and listened panting and trembling in his +weakness. "Millie," at last he faltered, "is there any God at all? +Is there any kind or merciful spirit in nature? If so, you have been +sent to me, for I am dying of remorse. Since you bade me leave you +I have suffered tortures, day and night, that I cannot describe. I +have often been at the point of taking my own life, but something +held me back. Can it be that it was for this hour? Mildred, I am +dying. The end of a most unhappy life is very near. Is there no +mercy in your faith--no mercy in your strong, pure womanly heart?" + +"Vinton," she said gently, "I believe you are right. God has sent +me to you. I will not leave you until it is best." + +"Millie, Millie," he pleaded, "forgive me. I cannot believe in +God's forgiveness until you forgive me." + +"I forgave you from the first, Vinton, because I knew there was +no cold-blooded evil in your mind, and I have long felt that you +were more sinned against than sinning. If I stay I must impose one +condition--there must be no words concerning the past. That is gone +forever." + +"I know it, Mildred. I killed your love with my own hand, but the +blow was more fatal to me than to you." + +"Can you not rally and live?" she asked tearfully. + +"No," he said, with a deep breath. "Moreover, I have no wish to +live. The dark shadow of my life will soon fall on you no more, +but the hope that I may breathe my last with you near brings a deep +content and peace. Does any one yet suspect who you are?" + +"No. I fear Mrs. Arnold will not think it best." + +"I have never spoken to Mrs. Arnold since that awful night, and if +she interferes now I will curse her with my last breath. This is +my one hope--my one gleam of light in the life she has cursed--" + +"Hush, oh hush! Unless my presence brings quietness I cannot stay," +for at the name of his mother he became dangerously agitated. "I +will tell Mrs. Sheppard in the morning, and I think she will arrange +it so that I can do all in my power for you." + +"No," he replied, after a little thought, "I will tell her. She is +unlike my mother and other sisters, and has a good heart. She has +taken entire charge of me, but I was in such a hell of suffering at +the thought of dying without one word from you that I was almost +a maniac. I will be quiet now. Leave all to me; I can make her +understand." + +When Mrs. Sheppard entered, as the late dawn began to mingle with +the gaslight, she found her brother sleeping quietly, his hand +clasping Mildred's. To her slight expression of surprise the young +girl returned a clear, steadfast look, and said calmly, "When +your brother awakes he has some explanations to make. I am Mildred +Jocelyn." + +The lady sank into a chair and looked at her earnestly. "I have long +wished to see you," she murmured. "Vinton has told me everything. +I was so overcome with sleep and fatigue last night that I neither +told you his name nor asked yours. Did you not suspect where you +were?" + +"Not until he awoke and recognized me." + +"Was he greatly agitated?" + +"Yes, at first. It was so unexpected that he thought me a mere +illusion of his own mind." + +"Miss Jocelyn, I believe God sent you to him." + +"So he thinks." + +"You won't leave him till--till--It can't be long." + +"That depends upon you, Mrs. Sheppard. I am very, very sorry for +him," and tears came into her eyes. + +Low as was the murmur of their voices, Arnold awoke and glanced +with troubled eyes from one to the other before it all came back +to him; but his sister brought quiet and rest by saying gently, as +she kissed him: + +"Vinton, Miss Jocelyn shall not leave you." + + + + +CHAPTER XLVIII + +"GOOD ANGEL OF GOD" + + +The young nurse soon became known through the house simply as Miss +Mildred. With the exception of Mrs. Sheppard, the valet, and the +physician, no one entered the sick-room except Mr. Arnold, and the +old man often lingered and hovered around like a remorseful ghost. +He had grown somewhat feeble, and no longer went to his business. +His son had tolerated his presence since he had come home to die, +but had little to say to him, for the bitterness of his heart extended +to the one who had yielded to his mother's hardness and inveterate +worldliness. In the secrecy of his heart the old merchant admitted +that he had been guilty of a fatal error, and the consequences +had been so terrible to his son that he had daily grown more +conscience-smitten; but his wife had gained such an ascendency over +him in all social and domestic questions that beyond occasional +protests he had let matters drift until Vinton returned from his +long exile in Europe. The hope that his son would get over what his +wife called "an absurd youthful folly" was now rudely dispelled, +and in bitterness he reproached himself that he had not adopted a +different course. + +From the way in which he came in and looked at his son when he +was sleeping, it was soon revealed to Mildred how he felt, and she +pitied him also. + +Mrs. Sheppard was a wealthy widow, and the eldest daughter. She was +for the present making her home under the paternal roof. Unlike her +mother, she had quick, strong sympathies, which sorrows of her own +had deepened. She had assumed the care of her brother, and infused +into her ministry a tenderness which at last led the imbittered +heart to reveal itself to her. She was therefore already prepared +to be Mildred's sincere ally in bringing a little light into the +late evening-tide of her brother's clouded day. + +Most of the time she sat in her own room with the door ajar, +leaving Vinton to the ministrations of his nurse. He required far +less care now, for he seemed content to rest as one might during a +respite from torture. His eyes would follow Mildred with a pathetic +longing when he was awake, and when she took his hand and told him +to sleep he would obey like a child. He seemed better because so +quiet, but he grew weaker daily. All knew, and none better than +himself, that life was slowly ebbing. His father came in more +frequently than ever, for his son showed no restlessness at his +presence now. At Mildred's request Vinton even began to greet him +with something like a welcome, and the young girl did all in her +power to make the old gentleman feel at home; sometimes she would +place a large easy-chair by the fire and ask him to sit with them. +He was glad to comply, and often looked wonderingly and earnestly +at the fair young nurse that was working such a transformation in +the patient. He once or twice tried to become better acquainted +with her, but ever found her gentle, deferential, and very reserved. + +Twice Mildred asked Vinton to let her send for Mr. Wentworth, but +he shook his head and said that she alone could do him any good. +"Read the Bible to me when you feel like it. I'll listen to you, +but my best hope is to sleep so quietly that I shall have no dreams. +If that cannot be, I'll remember that you forgave me." + +"Such words make me very sad," she replied, on the latter occasion, +tears rushing into her eyes. + +"I am not worthy that you should care so much," he said. "What am +I but a flickering rush-light which your hand is shielding that it +may burn out quietly?" + +"Vinton, you are wrong. The life which God has given you cannot +cease. I am not wise and learned, and I have an almost unconquerable +diffidence in speaking on these subjects, except to children and +the poor and ignorant. But since you won't see any one else, I +must speak. You say God sent me to you, and I accept your belief, +but He did not send me to you merely to relieve physical pain and +mental disquiet. If a man is stumbling toward an abyss of darkness, +is it any great kindness to hold a lamp so that his last steps may +be easier? There is for each one of us a vital truth and a sacred +duty, and in shutting your eyes to these and living in the present +hour, you show--pardon an honest friend for saying it--you show a +more fatal weakness than you have yet manifested." + +"You are mistaken, Mildred," he said bitterly. "As far as +I am concerned, what truth is there for me to contemplate except +a wasted, unhappy life, wrecked and shamed beyond remedy, beyond +hope. I long ago lost what trace of manhood I once had. Never dream +that because you have forgiven me I shall forgive myself. No, no," +he said, with a dark vindictiveness in his eyes, "there are three +that I shall never forgive, and I am one of them. As for duty, the +word is torment. What can I do--I who can scarcely raise my hand? +My day is over, my chance has gone by forever. Don't interrupt me. +I know you would speak of the consolations of religion, but I'd +rather go to the devil himself--if there is one--than to such a +God as my mother worships; and she has always been a very religious +woman. The whole thing long since became a farce to me at our church. +It was just as much a part of the fashionable world that blighted +me as the rest of society's mummeries. You never went there after +you had real trouble to contend with. It was the last place that +you would think of going to for comfort or help. The thought of +you alone has kept me from utter unbelief, and I would be glad to +believe that there is some kindly power in existence that watches +over such beings as you are, and that can reward your noble life; +but as far as I am concerned it's all a mystery and a weariness. +You are near--you are merciful and kind. This is all the heaven +I expect. It is far more than I deserve. Let me rest, Mildred. It +will be but for a few more days. Then when you close my eyes, may +I sleep forever," and he leaned back faint and exhausted. He would +not let her interrupt him, for he seemed bent on settling the +question as far as he was concerned, and dismissing it finally. + +She listened with fast-falling tears, and answered sighingly, "Oh, +I do wish you would see Mr. Wentworth. You are so wrong--so fatally +mistaken." + +"No," he said firmly, "I will see no one but you." + +"Oh, what shall I say to you?" + +"Do not grieve so about me. You cannot change anything. You cannot +give me your strong, grand nature any more than you can your +beautiful life and perfect health. I could become a Catholic and +worship St. Mildred," he added with a smile, trying to banish her +tears. "The only duty that I am capable of is to try to make as +little trouble as possible, and to cease making it altogether soon. +Go and rest, and I will too, for I'm very tired." + +"No," she said resolutely. "My mission to you must not end so +weakly, so uselessly. Will you do me a favor?" + +"I?" + +"Yes; listen quietly and honestly;" and she read the first verses +of the nineteenth chapter of St. John, ending with the words, +"Behold the man." + +"Vinton," she said eagerly, "the truth to which I referred was +embodied truth, and your first sacred duty is to look to Him and +live. To the last conscious moment of life this will remain your +first and most sacred duty, and were you the strongest man in this +city you could not do more. It's not a question of religions at +all, or of what other people are or believe. The words I have read +have brought you face to face with this Divine Man, who came to +seek and save that which was lost. Never did a despairing human soul +cry out to Him in vain. He is as real as I am. His tender pity is +infinitely beyond mine. Far better and wiser would it be for you +to turn from me than from Him. Oh, merciful Christ, how the world +wrongs Thee!" and she buried her face in her hands and sobbed +bitterly. + +"Millie, please don't," he entreated. "I can't endure to see you +so grieved." + +"Forgive me--I am forgetting myself sadly; but how can I see you +so hopeless, so despairing, when there is no more need of it than +of your refusing what I try to do for your comfort? There, rest +now, but think of what I've said. I may have done wrong to tire +you so, but to minister to the body only, when the soul, the man +within you, is in such infinite need seems but a mockery. If you +continue to wrong Him who should be the one great hope of every +human heart, you will sadden all my days. My mission will be but +a poor one indeed." + +He was very much exhausted, but he said gently, "I will think of it, +and may the One you serve so faithfully bless you for your divine +pity. What you have said seems to make everything different; +you appear to have something real and definite in your mind. Give +me your hand and I will rest; then, my good angel, teach me your +faith." + +This Mildred did almost wholly from God's own word. At first it was +hard for him to believe that there were any possibilities for one +like him, but at last he accepted the truth that God is not willing +that the least should perish. "The mystery of life is something +that the wisest cannot solve," she said to him, "but the best hopes +of the world have ever centred about this Divine Friend. Burdened +hearts have gone to Him in every age and found rest. Oh, how often +He has comforted me when mine seemed breaking! In response to a +simple trust He gives a hope, a life which I do not think can be +found elsewhere, and in the limitless future that which was all +wrong here may be made right and perfect." + +"So this is your revenge, Millie. You come and bring me this great +hope." + +"No, God sent me." + +Mildred's mission to the sad-hearted Mrs. Sheppard was almost as +sacred and useful as to her brother, and they had many long talks +which possessed all the deep interest which is imparted by experiences +that leave a lasting impress on memory. + +Every day increased the bitter regret that short-sighted worldliness +had blighted one life and kept from others one who had such rare +powers of creating all that constitutes a home. + +To Roger Mildred had written almost daily, telling him everything. +Her letters were so frank and sincere that they dispelled +the uneasiness which first took possession of his mind, and they +gradually disarmed him of his hostility to the dying man. There is +a point in noble souls beyond which enmity falters and fails, and +he felt that Mildred's course toward Arnold was like the mercy of +God. He reverenced the girl who like an angel of mercy was bringing +hope to a despairing soul. + +"Laura," said old Mr. Arnold to Mrs. Sheppard one evening as she was +sitting with him in his library, "this young nurse is a continual +surprise to me." + +"What do you mean, papa?" + +"Well, she impresses me strangely. She has come to us as a professional +nurse, and yet I have never seen a more perfect gentlewoman. There +is a subtle grace and refinement about her which is indescribable. +No wonder Vinton has been made better by her care. I wouldn't mind +being sick myself if I could have her about me. That girl has a +history. How comes she in such a position?" + +"I think her position a very exalted one," said his daughter warmly. +"Think what an infinite blessing and comfort she has been in our +household." + +"True, true enough; but I didn't expect any such person to be sent +to us." + +"I am perfectly ready to admit that this young girl is an unusual +character, and have no doubt that she has had a history that would +account for her influence. But you are in error if you think that +these trained nurses are recruited from the ranks of commonplace +women. Many of them come from as good families as ours, and have +all the instincts of a true lady. They have a noble calling, and +I envy them." + +"Well, you know more about it than I do, but I think this Miss +Mildred a rare type of woman. It's not her beautiful face, for she +has a charm, a winsomeness that is hard to define or account for. +She makes me think of some subtle perfume that is even sweeter than +the flower from which it is distilled. Would to God Vinton had met +such a girl at first! How different it all might have been!" + +Mrs. Sheppard left the room so hastily as to excite her father's +surprise. + +One day Vinton said to Mildred, "How can I be truly forgiven unless +I forgive? I now see that I have wronged God's love even more +than my mother has wronged me, and in my deep gratitude from the +consciousness of God's forgiveness I would like to forgive her +and be reconciled before I die. To my brother I will send a brief +message--I can't see him again, for the ordeal would be too painful. +As for my father, I have long ceased to cherish enmity against him. +He, like myself, is, in a certain sense, a victim of our family +pride." + +"Vinton," Mildred replied, "I cannot tell you how glad I am to +hear you speak so. I have been waiting and hoping for this, for it +is proof that your feeling is not mere emotion and sentiment. You +now propose to do something that is more than manly--it is divine. +God's greatest, dearest, most godlike prerogative is to forgive, +and man's noblest act is to forgive a great wrong. Vinton, you have +now won my respect." + +She never forgot his answering glance. "Millie," he said softly, +"I can die happy now. I never expected more than your pity." + +"If you will do this, your memory will become sweet and ennobled +in my heart. Your action will show me how grandly and swiftly God +can develop one who has been wronged by evil." + +"God bless you, my good angel. Ask my sister to send for my father +and mother at once. I feel a little stronger this evening, and yet +I think the beginning of my new life is very near." + +Mildred went into Mrs. Sheppard's room and told her of Vinton's +purpose. She looked at the young girl for a moment with eyes blinded +by tears, and then clasped her in a close, passionate embrace which +was more eloquent than any words. "Oh, Mildred," she said, with a +low sob, "if you only could have been my sister!" Then she hastened +to carry out her brother's wishes. + +The fire burned brightly in the grate, the softened lights diffused +a mild radiance through the room, and the old impression of gloom +was utterly absent when Vinton's parents entered. Neither Mrs. +Arnold nor her husband was quite able to hide the surprise and +embarrassment felt at the unexpected summons, but Mr. Arnold went +promptly to the bedside, and, taking his son's hand, said huskily, +"I'll come any time you wish, my dear boy, be it night or day." + +Vinton gave as warm a pressure in answer as his feebleness permitted, +and then he said gravely, "I wish you and mother to sit here close +to me, for I must speak low, and my words must be brief. I have but +a little fragment of life left to me, and must hasten to perform +the few duties yet within my power." + +"Had not this young woman better retire?" suggested Mrs. Arnold, +glancing coldly at Mildred, who stood in the background, Mrs. +Sheppard detaining her by a strong, warm clasp of her hand. + +"No," said Vinton decisively, "she must remain. Were it not for the +influence of this Christian--not religious, but Christian--girl, +you would never have seen my face again, with my consent. In showing +me how God forgives the sinful, she has taught me how to forgive. +Mother, I never expected to forgive you, but I do from my heart. +I am far beyond the world and all worldly considerations. In the +clear light of the endless life to which we are all hastening, I see +as never before how small, petty, and unworthy are those unnatural +principles which blight human life at fashion's bidding. Mother, +I wish to do you justice. You tried to care for me in my childhood +and youth. You spared yourself no expense, no trouble, but you +could not seem to understand that what I needed was sympathy and +love--that my heart was always repressed and unhappy. The human soul, +however weak, is not like an exotic plant. It should be tended by +a hand that is as gentle as it is firm and careful. I found one +who combined gentleness with strength; stern, lofty principle with +the most beautiful and delicate womanhood; and you know how I lost +her. Could I have followed the instincts of my heart, my fate would +have been widely different. But that is now all past. You did not +mean to wrong me so terribly. It was only because your own life was +all wrong that you wronged me. Your pride and prejudice prevented +you from knowing the truth concerning the girl I loved. Mother, +I am dying, and my last earnest counsel to you and father is that +you will obey the words of the loftiest and greatest, 'Learn of +me, for I meek and lowly in heart, and ye shall find rest unto your +souls.' If you cannot do this, your lives will be a more wretched +failure than mine has been. Bury your worldly pride in my grave, +and learn to be gentle and womanly, and may God forgive you as +truly as I do." + +As he spoke slowly and feebly, the cold, proud woman began to +tremble and weep, and when his words ceased she sank on her knees +at his bedside and sobbed, "Oh, what have I done? Must I bear the +remorse of having murdered my own child?" + +"No, mother, you were blinded as I was. You will be forgiven as I +have been. In the better home of heaven we'll find the secret of +our true relationship which we missed here. Good-by now. I must +hasten, for I am very weak." + +Mrs. Arnold rose, put her arms around her son and kissed him, and +her daughter supported her from the room, Vinton's eyes following +her sorrowfully until she disappeared. Then he said, "Dear old +father, come and sit close beside me." + +He came, and bowed his head upon his son's hand. + +"Millie," he called feebly to the young girl who stood by the fire +with her face buried in her hands. She came at once. "God bless you +for those tears. They fall like dew into my soul. Millie, I feel +as if--I don't know what it means--it seems as if I might go to my +rest now. The room is growing dark, and I seem to see you more in +my mind than with my eyes. Millie, will you--can you so far forgive +me as to take my head upon your bosom and let me say my last words +near your heart?" + +"Great God!" cried his father, starting up, "is he dying?" + +"Father, please be calm. Keep my hand. Let my end come as I wish. +Millie, Millie, won't you?" + +Her experienced eyes saw that his death was indeed at hand--that +his life had but flickered up brightly once more before expiring. +Therefore she gratified his final wish, and took his head upon her +breast. + +"Rest, rest at last," he sighed. + +"Father," he said after a moment or two, "look at this dear girl +who has saved my soul from death." The old man lifted his head and +gazed upon the pure, sweet face at which he had looked so often +and questioningly before. + +"Oh, Vinton, Vinton, God forgive me! I see it all. Our insane pride +and prejudice kept a good angel from our home." + +"Yes, father, this is Mildred Jocelyn. Was I wrong to love her?" + +"Oh, blind, blind fool that I've been!" the old man groaned. + +"Don't grieve so, father. If you will listen to her words, her +mission to us all will be complete. She is fatherless. Be kind to +her after I am gone." + +The old man rose slowly and leaned his brow on Mildred's head. "My +child," he said brokenly, "all my love for Vinton shall now go to +you, and his portion shall be yours." + +"God bless you, father. Good-by now. Let me sleep," and his eyes +closed wearily. + +"That's right, my boy; you'll be better in the morning," and with +feeble, faltering steps he left the room, murmuring, "Oh, that I +had only known in time!" + +Mrs. Sheppard now entered and took his place. For a little time +Vinton seemed to sleep. Then he opened his eyes and looked slowly +around. They kindled into loving recognition as they rested on +his sister. "Laura, your patience and mercy toward me have been +rewarded," he whispered. "Say to Mansfield and my other brother and +sisters what I told you. Be as kind to Mildred as you have been to +me. Good-by." + +"Millie, Millie, good angel of God to me, farewell for a little +while." + +His eyes closed again, his breath came more and more slowly, and +at last it ceased. His sister put her hand over his heart. His sad, +thwarted life had ended on earth. + +Mildred kissed him for the first time in her ministry, and murmured, +as she gently laid his head back upon the pillow, "Thank God, it +has not ended as I feared!" + + + + +CHAPTER XLIX + +HOME + + +We take up the thread of our story after the lapse of several months. +Mildred left the Arnold family softened and full of regret. Even +proud Mrs. Arnold asked her forgiveness with many bitter tears, but +beyond a few little significant gifts they found it impossible to +make the one toward whom their hearts were now so tender take more +than the regular compensation that went toward the support of the +institution to which she belonged. Mr. Arnold and Mrs. Sheppard would +not give her up, and often came to see her, and the old gentleman +always made her promise that when he became ill she would take care +of him; and once he whispered to her, "You won' take anything from +me now, but in my will I can remember my debt. All my wealth cannot +pay what I owe to you." + +"Money has nothing to do with my relations to you," she replied +gently. + +"Vinton's portion belongs to you," was his quiet reply. The poor +boy so understood it, and I shall not break faith with the dead." + +"Then his portion shall go toward relieving suffering in this city," +was her answer. + +"You can do what you please with it, for it shall be yours." + +While Mildred quietly performed her duties as head-nurse in one +of the wards during the last six months of the two years of her +sojourn at the Training School, some important changes had occurred +in Roger's circumstances. He had, more than a year before, graduated +second in his class at college, and had given the impression that +he would have been first had he taken the full four years' course. +His crotchety uncle, with whom since the reconciliation he had +resided, had died, and after a few months his wife followed him, +and Roger found himself a wealthy man, but not a happy one. Beyond +giving his parents every comfort which they craved, and making his +sister Susan quite an heiress, he scarcely knew what to do with the +money. His uncle's home was not at all to his taste, and he soon +left it, purchasing a moderate-sized but substantial and elegant +house in a part of the city that best suited his convenience. Here +he installed Mrs. Wheaton as housekeeper, and, with the exception +of his own suite of rooms and the sleeping apartments, left all +the rest unfurnished. After placing himself in a position to offer +hospitalities to his country relatives, he determined that the +parlors should remain empty, as a mute reproach to Mildred. + +One evening, a week before she graduated, he induced her to go with +him to see his house. "It's not a home," he whispered; "I merely +stay here." Then, without giving time for reply, he ushered her into +the hall, which was simply but very elegantly furnished. Mildred +had time only to note two or three fine old engravings and a +bronze figure, when Mrs. Wheaton, bustling up from the basement, +overwhelmed her with hospitality. They first inspected her domains, +and in neatness and comfort found them all that could be desired. +"You see," said the good woman, as she and Mildred were hidden from +view in a china closet, "I could get hup quite a grand dinner, but +I hain't much use fur these 'ere things, for he heats less and less +hevery day. I'm troubled habout Mr. Roger, fur he seems kinder low +hin 'is spirits and discouraged like. Most young men vould feel like +lords hin 'is shoes, but he's a-gettin' veary and listless-like. +Vun day he vas so down that I vanted 'im to see a doctor, but he +smiled kinder strange and said nothin'. He's a-gettin' thin and +pale. Vat vould I do hif he should get sick?" + +Mildred turned in quick alarm and glanced at the young man, who +stood looking at the glowing kitchen-range, as if his thoughts +were little interested in the homely appliances for his material +comfort. His appearance confirmed Mrs. Wheaton's words, for his +features were thinner than they had been since he recovered from +his illness, and there was a suggestion of lassitude and dejection +in his manner. She went directly to him and said: + +"Mrs. Wheaton tells me you are not well." + +He started, then threw off all depression, remarking lightly, "Mrs. +Wheaton is fidgety. She prepares enough food for four men. I'm +well--have been working rather late at night, that's all." + +"Why do you, Roger?" she asked, in a voice full of solicitude. + +"If I don't feel sleepy there is no use in wasting time. But +come, you have seen enough of the culinary department. Since Mrs. +Wheaton has charge of it you can know beforehand that everything +will be the best of its kind. I think I can show you something in +my sitting-room that will interest you more." + +Mrs. Wheaton preceded them, and Mildred took his arm in a way +that showed that he had not been able to banish her anxiety on his +behalf. "Let me see your parlors, Roger," she said when they again +reached the hall. "I expect to find them models of elegance." + +He threw open the door and revealed two bare rooms, the brilliantly +burning gas showing frescoes of unusual beauty, but beyond these +there was nothing to relieve their bleak emptiness. "I have no +use for these rooms," he remarked briefly, closing the door. "Come +with me," and he led her to the apartment facing the street on the +second floor. The gas was burning dimly, but when he had placed her +where he wished her to stand, he suddenly turned it up, and before +her, smiling into her eyes from the wall, were three exquisitely +finished oil portraits--her father and mother and Belle, looking +as she remembered them in their best and happiest days. + +The effect upon her at first was almost overpowering. She sank into +a chair with heart far too full for words, and looked until tears +so blinded her eyes that she could see them no longer. + +"Roger," she murmured, "it's almost the same as if you had brought +them back to life. Oh, Roger, God bless you--you have not banished +papa; you have made him look as he asked us to remember him," and +her tender grief became uncontrollable for a few moments. + +"Don't cry so, Millie," he said gently. "Don't you see they are +smiling at you? Are the likenesses good?" + +"They are lifelike," she answered after a little. "How could you +get them so perfect?" + +"Belle and your mother gave me their pictures long ago, and you +remember that I once asked you for your father's likeness when I +was looking for him. There were some who could aid me if they knew +how he looked. Then you know my eye is rather correct, and I spent +a good deal of time with the artist. Between us we reached these +results, and it's a great happiness to me that they please you." + +Her eyes were eloquent indeed as she said, in a low tone: "What a +loyal friend you are!" + +He shook his head so significantly that a sudden crimson came +into her face, and she was glad that Mrs. Wheaton was busy in an +adjoining room. "Come," he said lightly, "you are neglecting other +friends;" and turning she saw fine photographs of Mr. Wentworth, +of Clara Wilson, Mrs. Wheaton, and her little brother and sister; +also oil portraits of Roger's relatives. + +She went and stood before each one, and at last returned to her +own kindred, and her eyes began to fill again. + +"How rich you are in these!" she at last said. "I have nothing but +little pictures." + +"These are yours, Millie. When you are ready for them I shall place +them on your walls myself." + +"Roger," she said a little brusquely, dashing the tears out of +her eyes, "don't do or say any more kind things to-night, or my +self-control will be all gone." + +"On the contrary, I shall ask you to do me a kindness. Please sit +down on this low chair by the fire. Then I can add the last and +best picture to this family gallery." + +She did so hesitatingly, and was provoked to find that her color +would rise as he leaned his elbow on the mantel and looked at her +intently. She could not meet his eyes, for there was a heart-hunger +in them that seemed to touch her very soul. "Oh," she thought, "why +doesn't he--why can't he get over it?" and her tears began to flow +so fast that he said lightly: + +"That will do, Millie. I won't have that chair moved. Perhaps you +think an incipient lawyer has no imagination, but I shall see you +there to-morrow night. Come away now from this room of shadows. +Your first visit to me has cost you so many tears that you will +not come again." + +"They are not bitter tears. It almost seems as if I had found the +treasures I had lost. So far from being saddened, I'm happier than +I've been since I lost them--at least I should be if I saw you +looking better. Roger, you are growing thin; you don't act like +your old self." + +"Well, I won't work late at night any longer if you don't wish me +to," he replied evasively. + +"Make me that promise," she pleaded eagerly. + +"Any promise, Millie." + +She wondered at the slight thrill with which her heart responded +to his low, deep tones. + +In the library she became a different girl. A strange buoyancy +gave animation to her eyes and a delicate color to her face. She +did not analyze her feelings. Her determination that Roger should +have a pleasant evening seemed to her sufficient to account for +the shining eyes she saw reflected in a mirror, and her sparkling +words. She praised his selection of authors, though adding, with +a comical look, "You are right in thinking I don't know much about +them. The binding is just to my taste, whatever may be the contents +of some of these ponderous tomes. There are a good many empty +shelves, Roger." + +"I don't intend to buy books by the cartload," he replied. "A +library should grow like the man who gathers it." + +"Roger," she said suddenly, "I think I see some fancy work that +I recognize. Yes, here is more." Then she darted back into the +sitting-room. In a moment she returned exclaiming, "I believe the +house is full of my work." + +"There is none of your work in the parlors, Millie." + +She ignored the implied reproach in words, but could not wholly in +manner. "So you and Mrs. Wentworth conspired against me, and you +got the better of me after all. You were my magnificent patron. +How could you look me in the face all those months? How could you +watch my busy fingers, looking meanwhile so innocent and indifferent +to my tasks? I used to steal some hours from sleep to make you +little gifts for your bachelor room. They were not fine enough for +your lordship, I suppose. Have you given them away?" + +"They are in my room upstairs. They are too sacred for use." + +"Who ever heard of such a sentimental brother!" she said, turning +abruptly away. + +Mrs. Wheaton was their companion now, and she soon gave the final +touches to a delicate little supper, which, with some choice flowers, +she had placed on the table. It was her purpose to wait upon them +with the utmost respect and deference, but Mildred drew her into +a chair, with a look that repaid the good soul a hundred times for +all the past. + +"Roger," she said gayly, "Mrs. Wheaton says you don't eat much. +You must make up for all the past this evening. I'm going to help +you, and don't you dare to leave anything." + +"Very well, I've made my will," he said, with a smiling nod. + +"Oh, don't talk that way. How much shall I give the delicate creature, +Mrs. Wheaton? Look here, Roger, you should not take your meals in +a library. You are living on books, and are beginning to look like +their half-starved authors." + +"You are right, Miss Millie. 'Alf the time ven I come to take havay +the thinks I finds 'im readin', and the wittles 'ardly touched." + +"Men are such foolish, helpless things!" the young girl protested, +shaking her head reprovingly at the offender. + +"I must have some company," he replied. + +"Nonsense," she cried, veiling her solicitude under a charming +petulance. "Roger, if you don't behave better, you'll be a fit +subject for a hospital." + +"If I can be sent to your ward I would ask nothing better," was +his quick response. + +Again she was provoked at her rising color, for his dark eyes glowed +with an unmistakable meaning. She changed the subject by saying, +"How many pretty, beautiful, and costly things you have gathered +in this room already! How comes it that you have been so fortunate +in your selections?" + +"The reason is simple. I have tried to follow your taste. We've +been around a great deal together, and I've always made a note of +what you admired." + +"Flatterer," she tried to say severely. + +"I wasn't flattering--only explaining." + +"Oh dear!" she thought, "this won't do at all. This homelike house +and his loneliness in it will make me ready for any folly. Dear +old fellow! I wish he wasn't so set, or rather I wish I were old +and wrinkled enough to keep house for him now." + +Conscious of a strange compassion and relenting, she hastened her +departure, first giving a wistful glance at the serene faces of +those so dear to her, who seemed to say, "Millie, we have found +the home of which you dreamed. Why are not you with us?" + +Although she had grown morbid in the conviction that she could not, +and indeed ought not to marry Roger, she walked home with him that +night with an odd little unrest in her heart, and an unexpected +discontent with the profession that heretofore had so fully satisfied +her with its promise of independence and usefulness. Having spent +an hour or two in her duties at the hospital, however, she laughed +at herself as one does when the world regains its ordinary and +prosaic hues after an absorbing day-dream. Then the hurry and bustle +of the few days preceding her graduation almost wholly occupied +her mind. + +A large and brilliant company was present in the evening on which +she received her diploma, for the Training School deservedly +excited the interest of the best and most philanthropic people in +the city. It was already recognized as the means of giving to women +one of the noblest and most useful careers in which they can engage. + +Mildred's fine appearance and excellent record drew to her much +attention, and many sought an introduction. Mr. Wentworth beamed +on her, and was eloquent on the credit she had brought to him. Old +Mr. Arnold and Mrs. Sheppard spoke to her so kindly and gratefully +that her eyes grew tearful. Mrs. Wheaton looked on exultantly as +the proudest and richest sought the acquaintance of the girl who +had so long been like her own child. + +But the first to reach and greet her when the formalities of the +evening were over was her old friend who had been Miss Wetheridge. +"We have just arrived from a long absence abroad," she exclaimed, +"and I'm glad and thankful to say that my husband's health is at +last restored. For the first year or two he was in such a critical +condition that I grew selfish in my absorption in his case, and +I neglected you--I neglected everybody and everything. Forgive +me, Mildred. I have not yet had time to ask your story from Mr. +Wentworth, but can see from the way he looks at you that you've +inflated him with exultation, and now I shall wait to hear all +from your own lips," and she made the girl promise to give her the +first hour she could spare. + +In spite of all the claims upon her time and attention, Mildred's +eyes often sought Roger's face, and as often were greeted with a +bright, smiling glance, for he had determined that nothing should +mar her pleasure on this evening. Once, however, when he thought +himself unobserved, she saw a look of weariness and dejection that +smote her heart. + +When the evening was quite well advanced she came to him and said, +"Won't you walk with me a little in this hallway, where we can be +somewhat by ourselves? It so happens that I must go on duty in a +few moments, and exchange this bright scene for a dim hospital ward; +but I love my calling, Roger, and never has it seemed so noble as +on this evening while listening to the physician who addressed us. +There is such a deep satisfaction in relieving pain and rescuing +life, or at least in trying to do so; and then one often has a +chance to say words that may bring lasting comfort. Although I am +without a home myself, you do not blame me that I am glad it is my +mission to aid in driving away shadows and fear from other homes?" + +"I am homeless, too, Millie." + +"You! in that beautiful house, with so many that you love looking +down upon you?" + +"Walls and furniture cannot make a home; neither can painted +shadows of those far away. I say, Millie, how sick must a fellow +be in order to have a trained nurse?" + +She turned a swift, anxious glance upon him. "Roger, tell me +honestly," she said, "are you well?" + +"I don't know," he replied, in a low tone; "I fear I'll make you +ashamed of me. I didn't mean to be so weak, but I'm all unstrung +to-night. I'm losing courage--losing zest in life. I seem to have +everything, and my friends consider me one of the luckiest of men. +But all I have oppresses me and makes me more lonely. When I was +sharing your sorrows and poverty, I was tenfold happier than I am +now. I live in a place haunted by ghosts, and everything in life +appears illusive. I feel to-night as if I were losing you. Your +professional duties will take you here and there, where I cannot +see you very often." + +"Roger, you trouble me greatly. You are not well at all, and your +extreme morbidness proves it." + +"I know it's very unmanly to cloud your bright evening, but my +depression has been growing so long and steadily that I can't seem +to control it any more. There, Millie, the lady superintendent is +looking for you. Don't worry. You medical and scientific people +know that it is nothing but a torpid liver. Perhaps I may be ill +enough to have a trained nurse. You see I am playing a deep game," +and with an attempt at a hearty laugh he said good-night, and she +was compelled to hasten away, but it was with a burdened, anxious +mind. + +A few moments later she entered on her duties in one of the surgical +wards, performing them accurately from habit, but mechanically, +for her thoughts were far absent. It seemed to her that she was +failing one who had never failed her, and her self-reproach and +disquietude grew stronger every moment. "After all he has been to +me, can I leave him to an unhappy life?" was the definite question +that now presented itself. At last, in a respite from her tasks, +she sat down and thought deeply. + +Roger, having placed Mrs. Wheaton in a carriage, was about to follow +on foot, when Mr. Wentworth claimed his attention for a time. At +last, after the majority of the guests had departed, he sallied +forth and walked listlessly in the frosty air that once had made +his step so quick and elastic. He had not gone very far before he +heard the sound of galloping horses, then the voices of women crying +for help. Turning back he saw a carriage coining toward him at +furious speed. A sudden recklessness was mingled with his impulse +to save those in extreme peril, and he rushed from the sidewalk, +sprang and caught with his whole weight the headgear of the horse +nearest to him. His impetuous onset combined with his weight checked +the animal somewhat, and before the other horse could drag him very +far, a policeman came to his aid, dealing a staggering blow behind +the beast's ear with his club, then catching the rein. + +Roger's right arm was so badly strained that it seemed to fail +him, and before he could get out of the way, the rearing horse he +was trying to hold struck him down and trampled upon him. He was +snatched out from under the iron-shod hoofs by the fast gathering +crowd, but found himself unable to rise. + +"Take me to Bellevue," he said decisively. + +The hospital was not far away, and yet before an ambulance could +reach him he felt very faint. + +Mildred sat in her little room that was partitioned off from the +ward. Her eyes were wide and earnest, but that which she saw was +not present to their vision. + +Suddenly there were four sharp strokes of the bell from the hospital +gate, and she started slightly out of her revery, for the imperative +summons indicated a surgical case which might come under her care. +There was something so absorbing in the character of her thoughts, +however, that she scarcely heeded the fact that an ambulance dashed +in, and that the form of a man was lifted out and carried into the +central office. She saw all this obscurely from her window, but such +scenes had become too familiar to check a deep current of thought. +When, a few moments later, the male orderly connected with the +ward entered and said, "Miss Jocelyn, I've been down and seen the +books, and accordin' to my reckonin' we'll have that case," she +sprang up with alacrity, and began assuring herself that every +appliance that might be needed was in readiness. "I'm glad I must +be busy," she murmured, "for I'm so bewildered by my thoughts and +impulses in Roger's behalf, that it's well I must banish them until +I can grow calm and learn what is right." + +The orderly was right, and the "case" just brought in was speedily +carried up on the elevator and borne toward the ward under her +charge. With the celerity of well-trained hands she had prepared +everything and directed that her new charge should be placed on a +cot near her room. She then advanced to learn the condition of the +injured man. After a single glance she sprang forward, crying, + +"Oh, merciful Heaven! it's Roger!" + +"You are acquainted with him then?" asked the surgeon who had +accompanied the ambulance, with much interest. + +"He's my brother--he's the best friend I have in the world. Oh, +be quick--here. Gently now. O God, grant his life! Oh, oh, he's +unconscious; his coat is soaked with blood--but his heart is beating. +He will, oh, he will live; will he not?" + +"Oh, yes, I think so, but the case was so serious that I followed. +You had better summon the surgeon in charge of this division, while +I and the orderly restore him to consciousness and prepare him for +treatment." + +Before he ceased speaking Mildred was far on her way to seek the +additional aid. + +When she returned Roger's sleeve had been removed, revealing +an ugly wound in the lower part of his left arm, cut by the cork +of a horseshoe, made long and sharp because of the iciness of the +streets. A tourniquet had been applied to the upper part of the +arm to prevent further hemorrhage, and under the administration of +stimulants he was giving signs of returning consciousness. + +The surgeon in charge of the division soon arrived, and every effort +of modern skill was made in the patient's behalf. Bottles of hot +water were placed around his chilled and blood-drained form, and +spirits were injected hypodermically into his system. The fair +young nurse stood a little in the background, trembling in her +intense anxiety, and yet so trained and disciplined that with the +precision of a veteran she could obey the slightest sign from the +attendant surgeons. "He never failed me," she thought; "and if +loving care can save his life he shall have it night and day." + +At last Roger knew her, and smiled contentedly; then closed his eyes +in almost mortal weariness and weakness. As far as he was able to +think at all, he scarcely cared whether he lived or died, since +Mildred was near him. + +The physicians, after as thorough examination as was possible, +and doing everything in their power, left him with hopeful words. +The most serious features in the case were his loss of blood and +consequent great exhaustion. The division surgeon said that the +chief danger lay in renewed hemorrhage, and should it occur he +must be sent for at once, and then he left the patient to Mildred's +care, with directions as to stimulants and nourishment. + +Mildred would not let Roger speak, and he lay in a dreamy, half-waking +condition of entire content. As she sat beside him holding his +hand, she was no longer in doubt. "My 'stupid old heart,' as Belle +called it, is awake at last," she thought. "Oh, how awful would +be my desolation if he should die! Now I know what he is to me. +I loved Vinton as a girl; I love Roger as a woman. Oh, how gladly +I'd take his place! What could I not sacrifice for him! Now I know +what he has suffered in his loneliness. I understand him at last. +I was hoping he would get over it--as if I could ever get over this! +He said he was losing his zest in life. Oh, what an intolerable +burden would his loss make of life for me! O God, spare him; surely +such love as this cannot be given to two human souls to be poured +out like water on the rock of a pitiless fate." + +"Millie," said Roger faintly, "your hand seems alive, and its +pulsations send little thrills direct to my heart. Were it not for +your hand I would think my body already dead." + +"Oh, Roger," she murmured, pressing her lips on his hand, "would +to God I could put my blood into your veins. Roger, dear beyond all +words, don't fail me, now that I need you as never before. Don't +speak, don't move. Just rest and gain. Hush, hush. Oh, be quiet! I +won't leave you until you are stronger, and I'll always be within +call." + +"I'll mind, Millie. I was never more contented in my life." + +Toward morning he seemed better and stronger, and she left him a +few moments to attend to some other duties. When she returned she +saw to her horror that hemorrhage had taken place, and that his +arm was bleeding rapidly. She sprang to his side, and with trained +skill pressed her fingers on the brachial artery, thus stopping +further loss of blood instantly. Then calling to the orderly, she +told him to lose not a second in summoning the surgeon. + +Roger looked up into her terror-stricken face, and said quietly, +"Millie, I'm not afraid to die. Indeed I half think it's best. I +couldn't go on in the old way much longer--" + +"Hush, hush," she whispered. + +"No," he said decisively, "my mission to you is finished. You will +be an angel of mercy all your days, but I find that after all my +ambitious dreams I'm but an ordinary man. You are stronger, nobler +than I am. You are a soldier that will never be defeated. You +think to save my life by holding an artery, but the wound that was +killing me is in my heart. I don't blame you, Millie--I'm weak--I'm +talking at random--" + +"Roger, Roger, I'm not a soldier. I am a weak, loving woman. I love +you with my whole heart and soul, and if you should not recover you +will blot the sun out of my sky. I now know what you are to me. I +knew it the moment I saw your unconscious face. Roger, I love you +now with a love like your own--only it must be greater, stronger, +deeper; I love you as a woman only can love. In mercy to me, rally +and live--LIVE!" + +He looked at her earnestly a moment, and then a glad smile lighted +up his face. + +"I'll live now," he said quietly. "I should be dead indeed did I +not respond to that appeal." + +The surgeon appeared speedily, and again took up and tied the +artery, giving stimulants liberally. Roger was soon sleeping with +a quietude and rest in his face that assured Mildred that her words +had brought balm and healing to a wound beyond the physician's +skill, and that he would recover. And he did gain hourly from the +time she gave him the hope for which he had so long and so patiently +waited. It must be admitted that he played the invalid somewhat, for +he was extremely reluctant to leave the hospital until the period +of Mildred's duties expired. + +A few months later, with Mrs. Heartwold--the Miss Wetheridge of +former days--by her side, she was driven to Roger's house--her home +now. The parlors were no longer empty, and she had furnished them +with her own refined and delicate taste. But not in the midst of +their beauty and spaciousness was she married. Mr. Wentworth stood +beneath the portraits of her kindred, and with their dear faces +smiling upon her she gave herself to Roger. Those she loved best +stood around her, and there was a peace and rest in her heart that +was beyond joy. + +When all were gone, Roger wheeled the low chair to its old place +beside the glowing fire, and said: + +"Millie, at last we both have a home. See how Belle is smiling at +us." + +"Dear sister Belle," Mildred murmured, "her words have come true. +She said, Roger, when I was fool enough to detest you, that you +'would win me yet,' and you have--all there is of me." + +Roger went and stood before the young girl's smiling face, saying +earnestly: + +"Dear little Belle, 'we SHALL have good times together yet,' or +else the human heart with its purest love and deepest yearning is +a lie." + +Then turning, he took his wife in his arms and said, "Millie darling, +we shall never be without a home again. Please God it shall be here +until we find the better home of Heaven." + + + + +APPENDIX + +Christian men and women of New York, you--not the shopkeepers--are +chiefly to blame for the barbarous practice of compelling women, +often but growing girls, to stand from morning until evening, and +often till late in the night. The supreme motive of the majority +of the men who enforce this inhuman regulation is to make money. +Some are kind-hearted enough to be very willing that their saleswomen +should sit down if their customers would tolerate the practice, and +others are so humane that they grant the privilege without saying, +By your leave, to their patrons. + +There is no doubt where the main responsibility should be placed +in this case. + +Were even the intoxicated drayman in charge of a shop, when sober +he would have sufficient sense not to take a course that would +drive from him the patronage of the "best and wealthiest people +in town." Upon no class could public opinion make itself felt more +completely and quickly than upon retail merchants. If the people had +the humanity to say, We will not buy a dime's worth at establishments +that insist upon a course at once so unnatural and cruel, the evil +would be remedied speedily. Employers declare that they maintain +the regulation because so many of their patrons require that the +saleswoman shall always be standing and ready to receive them. +It is difficult to accept this statement, but the truth that the +shops wherein the rule of standing is most rigorously enforced are +as well patronized as others is scarcely a less serious indictment, +and it is also a depressing proof of the strange apathy on the +question. + +No labored logic is needed to prove the inherent barbarity of the +practice. Let any man or woman--even the strongest--try to stand as +long as these frail, underfed girls are required to be upon their +feet, and he or she will have a demonstration that can never be +forgotten. In addition, consider the almost continual strain on +the mind in explaining about the goods and in recommending them, +in making out tickets of purchase correctly while knowing that +any errors will be charged against their slender earnings, or more +than made good by fines. What is worse, the organs of speech are +in almost constant exercise, and all this in the midst of more or +less confusion. The clergyman, the lecturer, is exhausted after an +hour of speech. Why are not their thunders directed against the +inhumanity of compelling women to spend ten or twelve hours of +speech upon their feet? The brutal drayman was arrested because he +was inflicting pain on a sentient being. Is not a woman a sentient +being? and is any one so ignorant of physiology as not to have some +comprehension of the evils which must result in most cases from +compelling women--often too young to be mature--to stand, under +the trying circumstances that have been described? + +An eminent physician in New York told me that ten out of twelve +must eventually lose their health; and a proprietor of one of the +shops admitted to me that the girls did suffer this irreparable loss, +and that it would be better for them if they went out to service. + +The fact that cashiers who sit all day suffer more than those who +stand proves nothing against the wrong of the latter practice. +It only shows that the imperative law of nature, especially for +the young, is change, variety. Why not accept the fact, and be as +considerate of the rights of women as of horses, dogs, and cats? +While making my investigations on this subject, I asked a gentleman +who was in charge of one of the largest retail shops in the city, +on what principle he dealt with this question. "On the principle of +humanity," he replied. "I have studied hygienic science, and know +that a woman can't stand continuously except at the cost of serious +ill-health." + +Later I asked the proprietor if he did not think that his humanity +was also the best business policy, for the reason that his employes +were in a better condition to attend to their duties. + +"No," he said; "on strict business principles I would require +constant standing; but this has no weight with me, in view of the +inhumanity of such a rule. If I had the room for it in the store, +I'd give all my employes a good slice of roast beef at noon; but +I have not, and therefore I give them plenty of time for a good +lunch." + +The manager of another establishment, which was furnished with +ample means of rest for the girls, said to me, "A man that compels +a girl to stand all day ought to be flogged." + +He also showed me a clean, comfortable place in the basement in +which the girls ate their lunches. It was supplied with a large +cooking-stove, with a woman in constant attendance. Each girl had +her own tea or coffee-pot, and time was given for a substantial and +wholesome meal. I would rather pay ten per cent more for goods at +such shops than to buy them at others where women are treated as +the cheapest kind of machines, that are easily replaced when broken +down. + +Granting, for the sake of argument, that customers may not be waited +on quite so promptly, and that the impression of a brisk business +may not be given if many of the girls are seated, these are not +sufficient reasons for inflicting torment on those who earn their +bread in shops. I do not and cannot believe, however, that the rule +is to the advantage of either employer or customer in the long run. +It is not common-sense that a girl, wearied almost beyond endurance, +and distracted by pain, can give that pleasant, thoughtful attention +to the purchaser which she could bestow were she in a normal +condition. At very slight expense the proprietors of large shops +could give all their employes a generous plate of soup and a cup +of good tea or coffee. Many bring meagre and unwholesome lunches; +more dine on cake, pastry, and confectionery. These ill-taught girls +are just as prone to sin against their bodies as the better-taught +children of the rich. If employers would give them something +substantial at midday, and furnish small bracket seats which could +be pulled out and pushed back within a second of time, they would +find their business sustained by a corps of comfortable, cheerful, +healthful employes; and such a humane, sensible policy certainly +ought to be sustained by all who have any sympathy with Mr. Bergh. + +The belief of many, that the majority of the girls are broken down +by dissipation, is as superficial as it is unjust. Undoubtedly, +many do carry their evening recreation to an injurious excess, and +some place themselves in the way of temptations which they have +not the strength to resist; but every physician knows that some +recreation, some relief from the monotony of their hard life, +is essential. Otherwise, they would grow morbid in mind as well +as enfeebled in body. The crying shame is that there are so few +places where these girls can go from their crowded tenement homes +and find innocent entertainment. Their dissipations are scarcely +more questionable, though not so elegantly veneered, as those of +the fashionable, nor are the moral and physical effects much worse. +But comparatively few would go to places of ill-repute could they +find harmless amusements suited to their intelligence and taste. +After much investigation, I am satisfied that in point of morals +the working-women of New York compare favorably with any class in +the world. To those who do not stand aloof and surmise evil, but +who acquaint themselves with the facts, it is a source of constant +wonder that in their hard and often desperate struggle for bread +they still maintain so high a standard. + +Tenement life with scanty income involves many shadows at best, +but in the name of manhood I protest against taking advantage of +the need of bread to inflict years of pain and premature death. +We all are involved in this wrong to the degree that we sustain +establishments from which a girl is discharged if she does not or +cannot obey a rule which it would be torture for us to keep. + +I shall be glad, indeed, if these words hasten by one hour the time +when from the temple of human industry all traders shall be driven +out who thrive on the agonies of girls as frail and impoverished +as Mildred Jocelyn. + +THE END + + + + +*** END OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK, WITHOUT A HOME *** + +This file should be named wthth10.txt or wthth10.zip +Corrected EDITIONS of our eBooks get a new NUMBER, wthth11.txt +VERSIONS based on separate sources get new LETTER, wthth10a.txt + +Project Gutenberg eBooks are often created from several printed +editions, all of which are confirmed as Public Domain in the US +unless a copyright notice is included. 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